I'm so lost and scared. Life right now is so boring and pointless to me. I wake up and feel so hopeless and tired of the same day just repeating itself. It's not so much just finding something to do, trying new things, its that I just don't give a fuck anymore.

I'm 23 and I hate myself and everything about me. I'm not good looking seriously, I'm overweight but honestly more so obese. My food addiction makes eating healthy impossible when anything I look at makes me feel like one bite will make me gain more weight, so I don't eat much if at all some days.

I can never get myself to do anything productive. I'm insanely unmotivated and lazy. I deny getting help because I don't want to ask for it, but everyday I'm hurting inside. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm unemployed and can never hold a job without wanting to kill myself. How will I ever be able to support myself? I just can't do this shit.

I don't know what my purpose is here. Life seems so pointless where we just fill the void with things to keep us content. I'm just hurting inside and it shows on the outside. I'm not taking care of myself at all. I have low self esteem, no confidence. I'd be lying if I said I haven't already written my suicide note, because I have.

Suicide seems like the only way out of this boring life. I don't know how I'm ever going to be okay. Fuck this man, just fuck.