Hi everyone! So I have BPD, and have only just been diagnosed, even though my symptoms are very long standing. Now I’m in a relationship with my best friend and I started off very honey moon and then slowly through out our relationship he kept letting me down and our fights would get worse. Now, some of the things are non sensical and small, but a few are valid. I know I overreact and everything.

Recently I’ve been feeling quite empty more often and when I kiss him it feels like I’m feeling lips and that’s about it. No emotion or feeling behind it. But i can get scared or feel sad sometimes. But mostly sad. There will be a day every now and then in the past month where I was like man I do love him and I’d feel it. But recently the moments where I feel love are so sparse. I’ve also been experiencing a heavy amount of stress and fear due to health and overall turmoil and trauma and us getting into fights hasn’t been helpful either.

My question is, do I love him? Because I’m so terrified I don’t. And I can’t tell. I spend half the time feeling nothing and the rest feeling immense anxiety and fear over the other problems in my life. Idk what’s going on. I know the emptiness is BPD but idk what’s going on and I’m scared and I know logically love doesn’t disappear like that and if I felt it at least once in the month I’m sure I do.. but idk.

Just help. I’m so new to this and scared. Please.