first off if anything I say here sounds in any way insulting, that's certainly not how I meant it to sound. I'm a control freak (toward myself, not others) and "need" to do everything myself, thus haven't sought therapy, only diagnosed with ADD. as a kid my parents have told me my doctors thought i had very autistic tendencies but they dismissed it as bs and chose not to investigate further. i have one hell of a hard time processing my own emotions without essentially turning them off and going into robot mode. 

so you can imagine my empathy skills are not the best, same for my social skills. however I'm honestly doing the best I can to try to understand his issues though they are so opposite from mine. I honestly apologize if anything comes out wrong here. bear with me, I am weird.

my boyfriend has been diagnosed officially now with bipolar disorder, panic disorder and agoraphobia. when I met him, his only diagnosis was bipolar and he hadn't been going to therapy - instead was newly recovered from drugs he'd been using to self medicate. though no BPD diagnosis has been given to him (granted, he is very new to regular therapy and hasn't had much of a chance), imo, he met the description of BPD to an absolute perfect t. his adolescent and young adult life had, until recently, revolved around obtaining and keeping girlfriend after girlfriend, entering repeatedly into unstable relationships, feeling devastated, suicidal and empty with every breakup even if the relationship had been as short-term as 2 weeks. 100% of his self worth, even by his own account, depended entirely upon the success of romantic relationships. he's told me of numerous times he's changed his entire personality, goals, belief systems etc to better accommodate a girl he'd only been seeing a short time. I do believe he is also bipolar but also rather often has dramatic, wild mood swings, sometimes only lasting a few minutes - generally triggered by his thoughts that I may abandon him, despite my reassurance that this is simply not going to happen.

I've always encouraged, even insisted, that he not change for me. I want him to be comfortable being his own person - *hes* who I love, not a mirror image of me. he's stuck to that, and is approaching our relationship much healthier than his past ones - we have quite different interests and even different beliefs.

however he often tells me he feels empty. that he doesn't know who he is if being himself. this seems to fuel his depression, and sometimes fuels his fear that I will one day decide to seek someone more like me. though the relationship is quite stable, I fear in "getting better" in terms of working on his own issues and trying to figure out who he truly is, that he has become more unstable.

I feel that he truly is on the right path to establish a healthier way of life and outlook on life - sorting out his own identity and goals instead of adapting to someone else's. but it's as if this is one of those things that almost need to get worse before they can get better. sometimes I think he misses the chaotic relationships and essentially becoming someone else to suit a woman because perhaps at least then he felt he had defined goals and a "purpose". I understand that in some way - life is easier and makes more sense when you're not having to face yourself.

I just want to know if it sounds like I'm understanding this process correctly. if this is a common struggle for people with his issues. and if so, if anyone who understands can in turn help me understand by describing how this feels. and especially, if anyone who understands might be able to help me figure out anything I can possibly do to help. I know he's in pain and struggling but can't seem to describe exactly what's going on in his head - to be honest I think he has a hard time understanding that I don't necessarily naturally understand and share these feelings - as if he might truly believe that everyone feels this way and can't explain how he feels in words because he doesn't really know anything different to compare it to.

I don't know guys, but I'm trying. this sucks, I truly want him to feel better and more comfortable in his own skin. any imput anyone who might understand better than me would be so helpful and appreciated.