I'm using this as my last hope I've searched as far as to be seen but the Internet does not help, my name is Lance I'm 14 and a female and I'll guess I'll start this story huh? 
It started as far as I could remember when I was little I used to rock myself of course that's normal for a child but not when you see a kid waking up from a deep sleep and start rocking but as my mom says she never took me to a child therapist but my rocking problem seemed to stop, well a long time after my mom and father separated and my father got me and my sisters (actually took off with us to Texas as we lived in Colorado)  my mother never searched for us(not cuz she didn't love us)  but my father became vary abusive sexually physically and mentally(I would say that would be the reason I rock but I've been rocking before the abuse) that's when I really discovered things like anime and the internet I got into drawing and games and fandoms and that's when my rocking problem came back it got worse..  I created this own little world in my head with characters (I don't know if this is a type of schizophrenia but I know I'm doing it but I don't think it's bad I really like my imagery world)  my place is strange it could be 3rd person with some characters from a game and my head making a story line for them or me as a character playing and doing stuff with other characters or it could be real me creating scenarios in my head about things (also I should add I only can go into this world when I am playing music, helps me space out)  and while I did this I would rock myself or fall onto the floor and pull myself back up and do this in a motion and as by that I mean I would be sitting on a soft layer of something like a bed and would plop down on the bed and pull myself back up into a sitting position (id like to add I am rocking myself rn while creating scenarios of what could happen bcuz of this post)  i don't like hanging out with people bcuz that's less time hanging out in my head umm but anyways, my dad was caught being abusive and I was sent to mental hospital while they tried to find a place for me and my sisters we ended up being fosterd and my older sister got in contact with our real mom (who by the way I've been lies to by my dad so I hated her(I was vary young when I got tooken away from my mother))  and we ended up moving to Colorado where my mom still lived.  I found out I had an older brother (we're half blood related by our mom he comes from a different dad)  and this is where I should go into my other problems I have manic depression and type 1 bi- polar and anger issues and I tend to black out a lot and will hurt anyone counting adults and my family or friends my parents have been trying to find me a school I don't like people once so ever and have a problem with being told what to do by adults or anyone I don't like being baby'd and if an adult trys to tell me something I don't want to do I will not listen I also have a huge problem with swearing I swear just out of the norm like in public and at school and I don't mean quietly I talk like an adult like a teacher could say hello and I could just be like "what's fucking up" In a chill way and I don't like being told to stop cussing I also have a problem with being rough to like animals and kids like I can push em around in shit (I've come to the conclusion it's bcuz that's how i was treated by people when I was small)  so I tend to hate small things I really hate small things like kittens and baby's I just want to hurt them but I know that's wrong but I still slightly slip and am vary rough with them like I would pick up a kitten and squeeze it harshly for a millisecond and get sad and comfort it or with baby's I like to teach them horrible words and pinch them but I'm more stable with baby's I know it's wrong to do that so I don't do that a lot any more 

Idk if I can edit posts if I can't I'll just make more posts and I do have a therapist but I'm just not open about talking to this type of stuff to her but please I really want to find out what's wrong with me I want to find if their is treatment to this



Id also like to add I don't not rock when I'm trying to go to sleep or am sleeping 


And I do not have a problem with people touching me or loud noises but I do hate loud noises and people touching me when I am close to blacking out or am angry or sad (anxiety attack ect.)  I also used to have a bad case of self harm like cutting burning and starving myself I've also tried to commit suicide and I've done drugs and still do some drugs like pot and pills


Please help. 

Edit I am choosing to post on all different types of communitys I need help this is not a scam