Grade 7 was a new life for me, I got to see my classmates from grade 6 and got to meet new classmates, some of my classmates from grade 6 didn't went to grade 7 so that was a bummer. It was fun, it had events different from our elementary school and have different lessons that were harder when the teacher isn't making the subject as interesting as it would be. Grade 8 came and online school came, I was so excited and nervous cause I was able to have internet in my whole life, I discovered online gaming, facebook, anime and any other things you can find in the internet. 

Grade 8 was like where I was starting to feel miserable and how online school wasn't the best thing ever. I have to worry about internet connections, activities and personal problems. One time my parents and younger sister got covid so I and my Ate was the only ones left in the house. I don't have a good relationship to my sister so that 2 weeks without going outside and seeing my parents and sister was the worst thing. The only thing that was keeping me entertained was the TV. Everytime I go to sleep I remember the good old times before high school and covid. It was a great time remembering does time but there I started to realize. I haven't made a good friend for the past 6-8 years in elementary. I started to think how are my classmates are doing, do they miss me and the past school life? Then after 2 weeks my parents and sister was able to recover from covid. 
 
Grade 9 is where I started to feel miserable every each day. I couldn't do my activities, I wouldn't focus on studying, I wouldn't focus on school related stuff. I started to realized reality started to throw stress, insecurities, depression and anxiety. I overthink many times and always on my phone. I have been playing my phone everyday and my teachers and classmates doesn't know cause I'm sure they wouldn't be concerned to me. I started to play everyday to be satisfied and feel good but yet that wasn't enough, as if I were a regular person dealing with stress with drugs to feel good and forget the bad things and someday responsibilities and bad things will come and maybe I'll die from overdoes or  suicide. Mine is different, I've been playing games, watching anime, hentai and porn(I'm at the age to know that already) to satisfy or entertain me at least. And then I'll try to improve myself for a couple weeks and seeing improvements but still, I still go back to the reason why I did this. It hurts so bad I couldn't hold back tears and I haven't told my parents or anyone about this. If I tell my father I don't know what to expect cause he might have faced something much worse than me in his life before I came. If I tell someone who's important to me, they'll probably laugh and think it's an joke. I wouldn't tell my ate(big sister) about this cause she'll just say things that hurts me and I wouldn't tell my younger sister about this cause she's still a child and need to have fun in her life. If I tell my mom she would get worried but I'm more worried for her cause she has a lot of medical problems and I wouldn't want for me to exist just to add up to her problem. So back to me watching hentai and p0rn, that was where I stopped and tried my best to improve myself, I saw improvement of myself that no one can. Just writing/typing this hurts already and wiping my tears of my eyes and make sure I wouldn't cry for something like this. I also wouldn't tell my teachers about this cause they might think I'm an arrogant student, I don't think many or any teachers knows me or pay attention to me in online school. I really would like for f2f (face to face) to comeback already cause I don't wanna see myself in the future to what I'm already expecting myself to become in the future. This whole essay or paragraph or whatever I just made is something I just wanted to do, people have ways to express of what there feeling it can be through movement, art, words or writing. After finishing this, made me feel at ease and see how much being an adult would also be stressful. If someone ever found this and thinks this is a joke then fck you, you don't know what I'm suffering right now. I'm grateful that I haven't attempted suicide before cause that will leave a mark to does around me. 
So anyways this is my experience from 2019-2022. I would like to title this "A smile fades aways over time" 

Also I'm from Phillipines.