I know this sounds strange because a huge facet of the disorder for a lot of pwBPD is the need to avoid rejection but I think I've hit the other end of the hill and I really, genuinely haven't had a strong desire to go out and seek new friendships or relationships in a long time. 

The last time I had a FP was in late 2018 and it ended quite badly with one of the worst breakdowns I've ever had. It got physical. Things were broken. People were hurt. 

After that I kind of had a scramble to find a new person or new group to cling to but for the past 2 years I've been kind of... apathetic... about seeking out new people. I'm friendly and generous if people approach me and that's largely been how I made friends since but there's been nobody that comes close to FP level or even normal best friend level. I help them out and get involved in their interests and give advice and all those normal friend things but I don't really share much of myself.

It's definitely triggered those feelings of rejection and some bad spirals that I don't have anybody that really cares about me or knows me but I don't feel the interest or urge to go out and change that.  It's a huge change from how I used to spend all my time desperately chasing people and jumping from FP to FP. 

Maybe it's because I'm about to hit a year in my intensive therapy program but idk I just... haven't been really interested in connecting with other people in a really long time. 

I don't know if it's because I've never really felt fulfilled or understood in a friend/relationship and I'm tired of the disappointment or because I'm getting better. Usually getting better means you have more and healthier relationships, no? Not complete apathy about relationships? I'm not sure.