I've suffered from toxic shame my entire life. I am my own worst critic. Not tonight. Not ever again. I've realized the dynamic I have with my fp is not 100% my fault for once and I'm fucking angry and hurt at the fact that I thought that I didn't deserve to live because of even the smaller mistakes I would make. 

I feel so alone. it's almost 3am and I haven't slept for shit. praying to God I'm not getting manic and this is just a breakthrough moment for me lmfak.