I have *extreme* depression, like so bad that sometimes I go up to three months without showering. I know I'm disgusting but I can't make myself do anything else. I looked into inpatient treatment but everyone says it's just for when you're suicidal and need constant supervision. I'm severely suicidal but I'm not gonna do anything, I could never hurt my friends and family like that. But I feel myself rotting away every single second. I am a decaying shell of my former self and I don't know what to do.

I am BEGGING anyone to please help me figure out how to get out of this. I am on SSRIs (recently switched to Luvox after years of absolutely nothing on Zoloft) but it feels like they do absolutely nothing to help. All I can do anymore is drink the pain away. I am seeing my fourth therapist and she drives me crazy. I have a bachelor's in chemistry and after I told her that she prefaces EVERYTHING she tells me about psychology with "well you probably already know this but...". Like holy shit I studied chemistry not psychology, and the fact that she conflates being a scientist with knowing everything makes me think she is genuinely stupid. I know that's harsh and I know I should try to find someone else but I'm so tired of trying.

Is that ANYTHING I can do other than trying therapist after shitty therapist before I lose every sense of the person I used to be?