Tl;dr - I think I'm BPD but don't have a diagnosis. How did you get yours?



Hi. First post. So I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety disorder, bipolar and rapid cycling bipolar, since adolescence. Medication - various antidepressants, valproate, etc - hasn't ever helped (except short term calming stuff like diazepam, or stuff for sleep). I've had CBT, psychotherapy (hypnosis, meditation, exercise, I'm sure we all know the list!) and things have helped, I have short periods of being well, but I've never "gotten better". 

I'm pretty sure I'm BPD. I've been reading about it, and it's uncanny. I've thought this for about a year. When I told my wife, she said she'd actually already come to this conclusion and had read a book on coping with a BPD loved one. 

Yesterday, I got absolutely distraught because my wife and daughter went for dinner with some other family, and I hadn't realised they were going, and so I missed out. I was a wreck for hours. I needed copious reassurance and calming. I do know it's irrational, which helps, but it doesn't change my response. 

As a kid, I had a parent leave, and was left with an emotionally unstable single parent. 

My episodes can last hours, and then be gone. I can be incredibly anxious one day, and fine the next. I'm a 44 year old, intellectually rational person but my emotions are so erratic, and my fear of being abandoned and my distrust of myself - not knowing how I'm gonna react to people or situations and not having a reliable sense of who I am - has made it really hard to form friendships in my life, and has restricted what I can do in my job as well. 

I'd love to get an accurate diagnosis, whether it's BPD or not, so I can do some specific therapy. But I don't know where to go for that. I'm in the UK on the NHS. My GP referred me but the wait is 18 months. I went to see a psychiatrist privately, but he told me I'm rapid cycling bipolar, even though I don't fit those symptoms, and when I suggested BPD he said he doesn't really diagnose people with that. During a period when I was receiving hole visits for my own safety, a mental health nurse told me that some psychiatrists "prefer" certain diagnoses, or don't have the expertise in certain illnesses to diagnose them. 

I'd love to hear how people got their diagnoses, especially people in the UK, but anywhere else too.

Thanks to anyone who read this.