Hello! I'm new to this sub and my diagnosis (BPD/CPTSD/Avoidant traits combo) and from lurking I've learnt about FPs and didn't realise there was a name for them.
Myself and my FP had a massive falling out about 6 months ago, he would tell me how much I meant to him and that I was safe with him and he was there for me. Well he leaves the country and it comes out that he lied to me about a bunch of things, most likely to get in my pants. He knew I have massive trust issues especially when it comes to being physical and he did it all anyway. After it happened I messaged him to explain how he had made me feel and his response? Nothing. After telling me how he was there and I mattered and he cared, he just left me on read.
He had a monthly payment set up to me and every month I had to message him to ask him to cancel it and send him back his money, and he would ignore me (who has to fight someone to STOP sending you money?) but just now I checked and NO payment. He'd finally cancelled it after 6 months. So I went on Facebook and unfriended him.
Here's where I need support. I legit feel like my heart is going to explode. Like I've done a terrible thing. Like this is the final nail in the coffin that says he's gone and isn't coming back and it's somehow my fault. That by deleting him I've thrown him away and said never again, I don't want you around anymore.
How the hell do I make this feeling stop? Did I do the wrong thing? I wasn't sure if I should message him one last time to say goodbye or not. I feel like I might cry or have a panic attack. Anyone else been through this and how did you cope???