When I was young my father used to beat me, my mom didn’t know as they were split. 

I’d go over to his trailer every week and I was so paralyzed with fear I wouldn’t speak my mind.

I was afraid that he’d ridicule and make fun of me for listening to music so I just never listened to music around him. 

I didn’t tell my mom, I thought this was normal being afraid of your dad. I thought everyone walked on needles around their dad in fear of the slightest miss-step meaning that you’ll get a belt to your bare ass or soap in your mouth. 

Some months ago (I can’t remember). Someone beat me down brutally, I woke up with bruises and a broken jaw. I think my brain didn’t want me to remember what happened cuz I only remember hot flashes. 

Well I’m paranoid, always on edge. The thought of leaving my room paralyzes me, much like being around my father paralyzed me.  

Flies in my face make me finch, grocery stores are hell. Talking to people is as scary as it was when I was 13. 

I think I’ve come to the realization that I’ve been suffering from ptsd aswell as adhd and bipolar. Most likely ever since my dad turned into an abuser instead of a father. 

It’s kind of ironic because the person who brutalized me also got beat on by his father 

Hurt people hurt people I guess