i am feeling very suicidal. i’m in a relationship for the last 7 months and i have a dual diagnosis of bpd and bipolar. i went through a rough depressive episode for 3 months after moving into partners house and became unemployed. in that time i had multiple bpd breakdowns, relapsed on s/h, and really put my s/o through a lot i’m sure by begging and being hysterical leaning on him for support dependency etc. ive just recently in january started medication and therapy again which is pretty helpful, i love my therapist. but it feels like it will never get better. my partner has rightful frustration and irritability with me almost constantly and me having unstable days/slip ups really causes him to explode. i understand why he’s so angry with me, he just wants space and i consistently have trouble backing off. he doesn’t understand why i can’t do something so simple. he doesn’t get how the thought of him leaving me sounds worse than dying. we had another argument last night and he slept on the couch, he usually even wants to have sex after we argue if i ask, but is completely not into that right now. i’m so afraid. he tells me he’s not planning on leaving me when i asked and that he just needs his space from me. but i’m so afraid i want to wash down my bottle of klonopin with some wine and just be numb. anything is better than this pain, we are together but my heart hurts as if we broke up. i can’t take it. i don’t know what to do.