I’m really not sure why I’m posting this. I’ll probably delete it later, but here we go. 

Today is the 4th anniversary of my very brutal rape. The event is further compounded by family death, a breakup, and a friend’s suicide in the same period back in 2017. 

I thought I was okay but that changed yesterday afternoon. I felt as though I was treading water in a very murky pool without ledges or something to help keep afloat, and then I lost the fight and began to slip beneath the surface of the water. At present, I don’t feel that I’ve been able to return. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what changed. 

I don’t have friends where I am now with whom I feel safe enough to discus things with, so I guess I’m turning to complete strangers. 

Now I’m just in my apartment planning on canceling my day entirely.