I dont really know, i have always thought i would die by my own hands in an early age. Anything is better than this, these feelings are so individual, and no one gets me either way. 

Im so tired, im dissociating hard, i feel numb and empty whenever im not doing anything, how do i relax? I usually just smoke weed, but the side effects does hit me in a negative way. 

Sorry for the messy post, my thoughts are not treating me good, i wish i could control them. I dont even know the reason for me posting this, but hell, thanks for reading anyways. This will be an interesting night