TW: SH/ED

I just need to vent and know that there's another human being on the other side. I have been so frustrated these past couple weeks. I know I need help my ED and SH have been really difficult to handle lately. I started seeking help through my school and it's been great but they have been pushing me to do intensive outpatient. After enough goading I finally agreed. Like ok I get it, this has been 10+ year long struggle and I really need to address the underlying issues. This was a few weeks ago. I've spent the last two weeks on so many different phone calls with various offices to figure out how I can pay for it all. I can't stay at home so I've been on my own the last few months. I'm getting so annoyed, the counselors from school keep saying, oh this shouldn't be your problem your just need to focus on getting better and giving me some real shit advice about how to approach the finance side of things. But holy fuck just trying to make the responsible choices is making everything so much more stressful I feel so much worse off than I did two weeks ago. A typical morning is like spending an hour on hold with some office and making no progress on getting into a program, crying for a little, cutting or binging, then going to class because that shit doesn't pause for mental health. I just don't feel capable of doing anything I need to. Fuck.