I've not posted here before so I don't know if a tw is needed but tw-mention of rape and self harm

I was going to post on suicide watch but I think here is more appropriate. I don't want to die. I want someone to understand the pain I'm in. Every day is dragging on and nothing is enjoyable. I'm nearly 17 and I feel like my life is over. I was raped just over 2 years ago and it has truly destroyed my life. I don't feel like I can even call it rape because it was oral rape but its easier than explaining it. I've self harmed for around 4 years and it has stopped working. Its stopped making me feel better which seems like it should be positive but now I'm stuck feeling like this with no way to relieve it.

Idk what to do