I'm trying to realize my place in the world. As an almost 31-year-old with numerous kids, I feel hopeless. Not because of my kids, but for my penchant to make the wrong decisions, and a girlfriend who fights with everyone around herself and I. 

I didn't use to be like this. But the redirections in my mind truly are too much. Sometimes I fantasize about a time of solace. But after 30 years of life, I feel like I'm kidding myself for it all to work out. Has someone like me ever found their way out of this, Or am I hopeless? I Constantly feel sorrow, and sadness, with a mix of angriness. And with that sad thought in mind, I believe I cannot be saved unless I obtain medicine for my depression. 

While that medicine could be the only thing to save me from me. I Feel like a monster for thinking I cannot conquer this on my own. But also for being so affected by my everyday life like this. It's a whole new form of uselessness I haven't gotten used to.

Even though I've mentioned my depression, my girlfriend shrugs it off as a thing I'll get over. But it's been 3 years of solid &amp; real depression. I'm starting to not even bother trying to plan my next moves. And that scares me.