I got paranoid last night because I smoked a little weed (I need to stop doesnt help me at all- I rarely do it).
But I couldn't stop thinking about a past relationship I was in.

From what I've gathered, I think the guy I was dating was NPD, he had bipolar and we had even discussed the likelihood of him having it and he agreed - overt NPD.

Some of you may know about the toxic dynamic between npd and bpd but if not imagine two people dating that are traumatised and ashamed of themselves but one compensates by being grandiose and the other is filled with self hatred.

. We had an okay relationship, we idolised  eachother and our potential future way too much tho but I ended with him blowing up and doing a lot of hurtful things- like calling me fat and gross online or seeing another girl etc

He said I was a lot to deal with and thinking back I think I was
I cried and got upset all the time. I dont know if that was because of him or myself. I was the most upset and angry with him than I've ever been with anyone aside from my controlling mother.

So I suppose he may have exacerbated symptoms. But I just remember breakdowns that I needed him to tell me I wasnt a terrible person and I was a girl who is smart and capable, I just cant see it yet. Like I needed that emotional validation and sometimes I would sort out for it. (Baring in mind after the break up we both realised we were depressed and got on medication for it). This was over a year ago, I am in a much better place. I dont think I'm terrible at all, I am rarely filled with such negative emotions and self hatred that would lead me to those upsets. (1-3 times a month)

But I'm thinking about that and how hard it must have been for him, maybe that was why he ended up exploding at the end and doing so many hurtful things just to get out of the relationship. would you say on my end that I was abusive for that? Or just wayyyy to emotionally needy?

Also I'm over this guy, I just need to know the reality of my situation when it comes to relationships. I had a other short lived relationship either (we just didn't connect) and I definitely wasnt as emotionally needy, but I felt all the crap I just didnt express it to bother the other person