It sucks, I hate it. I have everything to be happy. And I'm doing everything in my power to be better. I'm taking care of myself, forcing myself to socialize more, going out more, making new friends, living my dream life, maintaining good relationships with family. I even have pretty good ambitionsa that would give me a sens of purpose, if I weren't so sick.

But somehow, every thing i add in the mix just can't make life pretty enough for me. I feel so empty, all the fucking time. It's like I studied the manual for "being happy", applied everything that's in it and I keep realizing none of it gives me an actual will to live. I just don't give a crap, honestly.

I wish I could be content.