I hate this pain because its invisible to others. I hate having others judge me or just telling me to relax. I hate social security for telling me im fine to work when I can't stop having these attacks. 

Just because you can't see someones pain does not make it any less real. I hate pretending im okay in public when my anxiety is bouncing off the wall and I hate my twitches and the way people look at me when I get them.

I had a good career before this bullshit. I miss being my old self. I don't know how to keep my mind from racing. I try chess and it helps calm my mind but some days nothing will. I hate putting my wife through dealing with my mental illness no matter how amazing she is. I know she deserves better.

I had to start from scratch with a new doc two days ago and having to explain everything from the start just leveled me and I have not slept much since.

I just want to feel normal again... please lord.