So basically I've been on anti-depressants since I was 11 (i'm 27 now) and I've been on nearly all of them at one point or another. I've never had relief or gone through any period of remission from my depression. And in that time began self-harming, abusing pills/alcohol/pot, made several suicide attempts. I recently spent a month in intensive outpatient treatment which is where  I was actually diagnosed with BPD and PTSD. Previously, my psychologist had only said she "suspected" i had a personality disorder, and my psychiatrist would never give me a diagnosis other than major depression. For the last 4 months I had been on a cocktail of the highest doses of Cymbalta, Luvox, Remeron, and Gabapentin. With no relief. Since I was diagnosed with BPD the psychs in IOP helped me to get off all of these meds except for Cymbalta. Which sucked because no matter how slowly you taper, you still go through withdrawl. So now, a month later, I can't sleep anymore, my head hurts, i'm nauseous, I'm in a constant state of panic, and can barely function. But i'm not abusing substances or self-harming so they don't see anything wrong with it. I've been told by three doctors that I need to be on a mood stabiliser or anti-psychotic like Abilify along with DBT (which I've already been doing for 6 months) in order to see any relief. But my psychiatrist refuses. She says the only thing that can help is anti-depressants and now she's upset and doesn't even want to see me because I stopped taking them. She was doing phone appointments with me every other week but now will only do an in person monthly (which I have to pay for). I'm also doing TMS treatments, which I've had 60 so far and starting another 20 tomorrow, which don't help. I really just don't know what to do at this point. Everything just sucks and every doctor I talk to just doesn't care. So yeah.