I am in crisis right now and find it very difficult to see when I’m being unreasonable which hopefully you guys can understand. 
My FP is my romantic partner and have been together less than a year. I worked from their home a few weeks ago and went into an episode and they couldn’t attend work although I did tell them to go back. 
Today I’m back in crisis and asked if I could work at theirs. They said no and they have to be selfish and do their work. I said I felt unsafe and suicidal and would sit upstairs quietly just to feel safe. They said no. 
I feel like a piece of shit. If anyone said that to me I’d move mountains to make sure they felt safe. This is when I feel I’m just different to everyone. 
I also feel suicidal a lot. I’ve tried but I guess those close to me don’t think I’ll do it. So it doesn’t matter because I always feel this way. It’s so shit. Like because I’ve not killed myself after 10 years it’s fine she won’t do it now. It doesn’t mean I’m not hurting so so badly and need help. I am really genuinely thinking about suicide and it’s all I want. I just hate myself and feel like a horrible burden who isn’t even worth the care anyone else would get. 
I’m in a deep hole. I’m scheduled to start DBT soon and I wonder if I’ll still be alive to do it tbh. I am in such deep pain every single day and I can’t stand it anymore. 
Opinions and advice appreciated.