Being a gay male in an oversexualized culture can drive me into BPD attacks. The feeling of inadequacy and the lack of fitting in, often leaves me wanting to hide and self harm. Leading to being solitary which is another trigger that sends me down a spiral. I end up sitting in my room, alone, in thought of how i'm not good enough. This seems to be all my social interactions. 

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The one thing that kicks me out of these attacks is hanging with people. If everything goes well I can leave the interaction feeling validated, loved and cared for. But often this isn't the case. 

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I'm told by my circle that I should stop playing the victim, to suck it up, that everyone has these problems.  Honestly, I feel , that no matter how loud I scream for help, no one cares. It's so hard to be motivated to life (work, gym, cook) when you feel that everything is pointless in the end. 

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I guess that's my venting for today. 

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