I've feared abandonment, rejection and judgment for years. Eventually I learned to hide. When I used to visit my psychiatrist, I showed her a certain part of myself, when I'm near my family they see a difference version and my friends see another whole "me".

Each and every of these versions are me, but it feels like none of them are. I've learned to hide, I've learned to say, show and do whatever fits each persona. I've learned to adapt and I have no issues changing between one another, because they are similar in certain ways.

Still, it doesn't help. I felt lonely as long as I can remember, and this feeling eventually transformed into emptiness. I have loving family, caring friends and used to have great psychiatrist, but I am, after all, alone.

I don't have girlfriend, because I don't see a point in having a relationship with anyone and at the same time I desperately want to be with someone. I don't want to die, because I don't want to lose all the opportunities of life, but at the same time I am letting it slip through my fingers and I don't even care.


Yeah, so if someone has read this to the end, thank you.