Sooo, Im fucking going crazy. For the past 4 weeks my mood has been all over the place, like I'm happy and suddenly... Boom... I'm depressed or I'm angry about the smallest of things. Specifically I've been having rage outburst at random even when I was happy. Also, I have started cutting my thighs and arm just to release some of the stress that has been pyling up. Additionally, I sometimes can't sleep and instead feel energetic for up to 2 days straight. My appetite for food is nonexistent and in regards to my mental health, it ain't a whole lot better. For example I get sweaty, anxious, my heartbeat fastens and Im always scared that other people are either judging me for my appearance etc whenever I'm at a huge gathering of people. I have also been bullied by those who I had considered my friends for almost 1.5 years and even now that things have gotten better, they are still criticizing every action I take. Things at home aren't good either, since my mom lives 200 km away and my father pretends I'm nonexistent( I live with my grandparents) . My grandmother puts extreme pressure on me and my grandfather has been in coma-like state for 5 years. Also I have tried to socialize but I'm not allowed to go to parties or stay out after 12 pm. There is also the problem with some of the thoughts I'm having (Ranging from murder, suicide, rape, mutilation, torture etc.), I believe that I'm going crazy. Oh... and I can't go to a psychologist since that will stigmatize me forever and my almost nonexistent life will be over. (After all, who wants to hang out with the freak). And by the way I'm 17.