I’ve een alone for so long that I can't even communicate. Loneliness in general, not just romantic loneliness (I've never been in love). Keep coming to the question of just killing myself no body wants me here or even want me I’ll just be alone as always.

I seldom ever manage to construct a complete sentence when I do have the chance to speak with someone. Girls are unimportant. Stutter, stutter, and then some more. It is so tough for me to actually communicate what I have in mind, even when I do. Who on earth has the patience?

I'm so overcome with fear that even leaving the house or communicate with anyone online or irl is difficult . Although I'll occasionally comment, I can't genuinely engage in a discussion or develop any sort of friendship or relationship. 
I've tried all the available online dating services. I get the numbers, but after that, they just disappear. I return home alone and consider ending it immediately after observing couples holding hands, snuggling, and other romantic gestures makes me envy them knowing that will never happen to me.

I envy the fact that I was able to do better than last year when I was way worse than this but I’m going out, going to the gym studying computer science that I love but this Dread of loneliness that never goes away come back up again stronger than before.