Posting this here because we all know what we BPD people are like when it comes to breakups: we can't handle it and we take about 10 years to move on from it.

I just broke up with my ex I was with for 2 1/2 years and it's real this time. I don't wanna get back with him because I've endured so much heartbreak with him.

On top of that, my old best friend just became my ex best friend because she's just over being friends with me I guess. I don't wanna fight it either, because I can't exactly change what other people think of me? Nor do I really want to be friends with someone that just drops me like that. 

Other than her and my ex, I have absolutely no one I can talk to. I don't have anymore friends and I don't want to talk about this with my family because I'm not close with them.

I don't know what to do with myself. I feel numb but at the same time, I feel like I'm barely holding onto my sanity and I'm about to spiral hard into a huge suicidal mess.

This quarantine is making it harder to deal with because I don't have a job I can pour my heart and soul into to make time pass faster. I live completely alone. I'm just alone in my small apartment with my thoughts and I really don't know how I made it through that breakup unharmed when I have such a huge history of self harming as a way of coping. At this point, my cat is the only thing keeping me going.