I recently attempted suicide and ended up in inpatient treatment. What drove me to attempt was the realization of how I've been an ass with everything I've done in my past to other people. The patterns in my relationships became so obvious, where I'd become best friends or fall in love fast, then I'd freak out all over the place, feel bad, apologize, do it all over again, and eventually end up leaving the friendship or relationship because I convinced myself I was better off without it. Living with the guilt was too much, especially realizing I did it all because I hate myself and am afraid of connection with other people. In inpatient center I was diagnosed with BPD despite my fears for the past nine months of being a narcissist. Apparently it's just the guilt and intrusive thoughts. Does anyone else struggle with this? Worrying they're just a bad, defective monster whose out to make everyone miserable? Right now my intrusive thoughts are getting me badly, and I'm trying to keep perspective. I just always worry they're right and by not believing them I'm even more of a narcissist :/ But apparently it's BPD. And I relate to BPD. I just don't know.