I need help I don't know what to do..
I fell in love with someone we was together for a few months I told him not to break my trust but he did a few times but I had already fell for him. After 4 months I found he broke my trust again and from there my paranoia just got bad I would cause arguments ild want to see what his doing etc I wanted to know who he was talking to and it just caused massive arguments he would say alot of horrible stuff to me, I know it's my fault and iv been pushing him away with my paranoia. Well we got back together but my paranoia got bad again. We broke up and been broke up for about a week. He wanted to get back with me and I said it will only work if he gets rid of the people I feel are threats with my paranoia. I had asked him if the week we had split (still talking)  had he spoken to anyone or if he knew a mutual friend and he said no. Then it came out he did and was speaking to her all week. I'm hurt his now saying he wants me but doesn't want to be with me because of my behaviour. I love him my behaviour stemmed from him breaking my trust its just I have acted psycho after. I have self harmed I am so hurt and I don't know what to do. I feel its my fault for acting psycho and now iv lost my fp because of myself. He still wants to be friends but I just want to be with him and it hurts. He wants to spend time with me and stuff but not be with me. I just keep thinking we're going to get back together I don't know what to do. I don't want to be here any more.