Im 24 years old, Male, Very Sensitive, can't focus in School and trouble with work because of anxirty and emotion regulating. But living with my parents requires i succeed in all these areas.

A while back, i joined a discord server for BPD, but anytime someone would offer some form of advice when i seek it, i just get angry. Because usually the advice consists of me having to help myself, or something ive tried in the past that triggered a bad reaction (deep breating, meditation, etc.) I haven't been able to help myself for 6 years. Ive changed medication multiple times  and have jumped from therapist to therapist many times. 

Lately, ive come to believe that everything bad i have put up with my entire life has been the cause of all my problems. And as a result i tell people im responsible for my actions... but i dont mean it. It's everyone else's fault, or just the world's fault that im like this.

Now, i cant find any self worth or value in anything. All of my current and past acomplishments or achievements mean nothing to me anymore. It's all just a false form of motivation and optimism in order to keep me going forward. But i can see through all these lies of positivity. Everything everyone says, its all fake. It makes me angry and hateful. 
I am a victim