I need some outside advice or maybe someone that has been in my shoes before. I am 34 I work for a large railway and I recently got held out of service awaiting a punishment. I'm being told that I am unsafe. My union rep tells me that he doesn't see my getting fired at all, just a suspension. I've been in this spot a couple times but I have never felt like this. But I am worried I'm going to lose my job. And I love my job. 
Once I get to sleep I'm okay, but if I wake up it takes me hours to get back to sleep, my heart starts racing and my mind starts messing with me. I have been randomly crying around the house at times. Feel like I'm going to puke, and my stomach is upset. 

My wife has had to hold me at times while I'm crying and it does help. What I hate is that she keeps saying "what ever happens happens and we will deal with it". And this is the part that is stressing me out even more. I don't know anything else. I don't have a fall back job. There are some other railway jobs at mines but they are only part time. The trades are in the toilet and all the jobs in those fields want some one with experience, which I have none of to start. We have a 2 month old son and a mortgage to pay, while she is on paternity leave and her job alone is not enough to pay the bills if she went back to work. Because if I get fired I cannot go on unemployment (from my understanding). I don't want to lose my house and when I hold my son I feel like an absolute loser of a dad and husband.

At times I just want to kill myself, and I hate these thoughts. My wife's life would be way harder without me and I would be letting down so many people. But it just seems like the easiest way to end my pain and never have to deal with it again, and I feel like it would send a message to the railway about treating employees properly. I don't think I could ever bring myself to doing that though. I also can't bring myself to tell my wife that I have those thoughts. I don't want her to feel like I'm giving up on her, my son and myself. We have been together for 14 years.

I have been searching for jobs just incase I do get fired but I feel like they won't be enough, or I won't be able to even get a job because I have been at the railway so for so long, there aren't many transferable skills. I feel like I'm over thinking but I can't stop.