I recently got diagnosed with BPD and I told my bf of 4 months and he at the start was so supportive. But recently I got distant with him during a disassociation episode, I was angry the day before because he was distant. He called me cause I offered to explain and I apologised, he said he didn't understand and said he couldn't do anything to help and said I can't just use it as an excuse.

He then later became compassionate and understood as I explained I  didn't choose to be like this and he doesn't deserve to deal with this. 

Today however, I made a subtle joke about mental illness (I am very self depreciating) and he replied with ''yeah but don't use it as an excuse and move on''. I don't know if I'm being difficult or he just doesn't get how hard it is... He says I don't help myself at all, but I'm honestly trying so hard and going to therapy.

I already feel like Im crazy and his insensitivity just makes it 100x worse...I tried ignoring him when I was going through what felt like hell and he got angry that I was pushing him away.

 So am I using it as an excuse and should take responsibility as he says or is it him not getting it?