Hi. I used to be a notable influencer with a platform from a teenager to an adult. Unfortunately, I was incredibly disrespectful, hurtful, abusive, toxic online, you name it. I finally got called out for this behavior some time ago and I realized I needed to check out from the social sphere to focus on introspection and grow from my awful behavior. After months of therapy and going through my childhood trauma, I feel like I am becoming healthier and happier. Even my friends (bless them for even staying around) are noticing my changes.

Though, sometimes, I feel like this is unfair and wrong. I shouldn't be happy, I shouldn't be so successful in my career right now, I can't be happy. Not until my victims have grown and be happy themselves as well. 

My therapist and friends believed that while it's good that I'm remorseful, I can't think about my past constantly. I need to move forward, and I respect that belief. I've been trying to maintain that mindset and be a better person. 

Though, I recently learned from friends that my former victims and former friends are still angry that I pretty much left the internet. I feel guilty about it. I left my contact information before I deleted most of my accounts, which many of my victims did contact me to get closure. But the many did not (which is totally understandable). 

I just wanted to ask for those who were in similar positions, especially when their BPD was at their worse, how did you repent? Should I just keep moving forward? Am I running away from accountability? Should I have done something else? I feel guilty because I really do want my victims to get closure but I am not sure what else I can do or could had done. Thanks for reading