a few weeks back, my mother invited me to go to florida to go to the beach with her sister in law in florida. i wanted to see the beach but going out of state for a week is very hard for me. i need my room to calm down. i make sure it’s “cluttered” and feels small so i can feel secure and nothing else replicates that feeling. i was “fine” with going until the day before where i put more thought into it. i realized how stressful it’d be sharing a room with 5 people (my mother, her sister in law, and her three kids who are 6,3 and 2), i frequently will just disappear and go to my room when i get nervous/anxious and with the lack of ability  to do that here, i wasn’t unsure if i could do it. my mom called the hotel and they reassured us the rooms are far apart and separated by the kitchen and living room. 

we are driving and when we get to louisiana (from dallas texas), i realize how far it is and i’m not mentally ready to go this long in a crowded car. i try getting my grandma to get me, my step dad, and ask my moms to try and find us a way as she’s lucky with everything but i can’t go home. they make me get in the car and say i’m fine. no reassurance or help, just “you’ll be fine.” this made it even worse and the whole trip i was sick to my stomach and about to throw up. i couldn’t do it. 

yesterday we got here and i had an ok time at the beach as i wasn’t near any people and felt at home with the animals (i’m a huge animal person, maybe too much of one), but once we got back in the hotel for the night it went very bad. the kids were constantly running around and the room s weren’t even seperated and i couldn’t get away so i just had to pretend to be ok. today it wasn’t step great grandmothers birthday and everyone is in the kitchen and i fully realized how trapped i was. i had to hide under the covers and after they lef, i convinced my mom to get me a hotel down the street to myself, it was 300 dollars and i felt bad but i truly needed this space. after a little bit in here i thought about how if i needed to go home it’s impossible and i can’t breathe or anything. my mom is trying to get me a ticket back home but i feel so bad and every option stresses me out. idk what to do


i’m sorry for the bad grammar and formatting. i’m very nervous and needed to talk about it