Since he decided to start researching BPD, which I was happy about, it feels like he's using it as a weapon against me. He says he's trying to help. Maybe he is trying. But now I'm just questioning shit even more often than I was and I feel completely insane and like there's no point in trying to explain myself to him because he'll say something like "well yeah, that's how people with BPD think". There was a terrible fight on Saturday I just can't let go of. Oh that's my fault too. I've been overusing my benzos trying to sleep off the suicidal ideation that's risen from the stress. I think he's emotionally abusive. Or maybe I'm just insane. I think he's gaslighting me. Or maybe I'm just insane. I think he minimizes my emotions. Nah I'm prob just oversensitive and insane. The suicidal ideation is so strong right now. This year has been a lot of stress and pain and loss.