Siuation: recently got out of a traumatic relationship with my bipolar fp/bf. I moved back in with my parents (who are wonderful) and immediately started working on my mental health.. ie: taking a lot more physical care of my body, cutting out alcohol and substances, organizing my things in life, making appointments.. but in isolation (outside of parents and family pets and cashiers at the store)


I haven't addressed my feelings and simply can't yet. I haven't felt anything for my fp because I'm blocking it out. Its what I do. Block it out &amp; pretend it isn't happening/never did. This adds to my extreme lack of sense of self, and causes imposter issues. It makes it hard to pick out clothes to wear in the morning because I don't identify with even being a human girl, let alone the one I am. I don't know what my style is. These aren't my clothes. God, it's bad. 

Anyway, I was supposed to go with my parents to visit my sister and her bf, play board games, go to a pumpkin patch.. the good stuff. Right before going I had a major anxiety attack centered around having to talk to my sister's roommates, and having to stay in a house overnight with other people I don't know. I was scared to talk to anyone because so far since the breakup, I've been completely disassociated with form or reality, but conscious enough to get tasks done and take care of myself properly. I couldn't imagine talking to someone and having to sit there and pretend like I'm a normal person who isn't totally freaked out by this other person assuming I'm my outside appearance. God. It's. So. Weird.

So, my parents left me alone. I have my dog and my cat. But I'm still freaking and I still have wicked bad anxiety. On top of that I am now afraid of the decision to be alone. This will be the first time i am completely alone since. I don't want to self medicate or do something risky. I don't want to indulge in suicidal thoughts.

What can I do?
Anything! What's best? A walk? Any good podcasts... any soothing music to recommend? Good mindfulness activities? 
My heart is racing. 

Thank you. 