Since I was young I felt like I'm a weird person i don't know how to describe it in details but I'm pretty awkward person I can't make normal conversation..I can't make friends..I can't make wise decisions..I always be driven by the moment and end up in weird situations 
I can't talk to guys without being awkward and make it weird 
Girls most of the time laugh at me behind my back 
I used to live in small village I thought by moving to bigger city for college it will help but it's worse now 
I went to a psychologist and I was diagnosed with depression ( mainly because I attempted suicide in my teen years) he gave me medication but it didn't help and they made me worse 

I can't even use my native language to talk to people I tend to use english because it's my comfort language but people made fun of me for using it ( living in country where English isn't really spoken or understandable )

Now I have low self-esteem + awkward personality +hard time in college + no relationship + can't stop comparing myself to other 


I just wanna be a normal person..