Ok, so in Feb I broke up with my gf of 2.5 years. We weren't getting along and the chemistry was dead. I ended things.

Fast forward two more months and I met the girl with BPD. We hit things off for 2 months non-stop, 5 days a week. In typical fashion - it was intense and passionate and we were working towards a relationship. I noticed little things which were red flags but over looked them due to how much I liked her. 

Basically, the last weekend I saw her, we had a trip booked in a campervan that we hired for the weekend. The trip started with a big argument where she said she wanted to kill herself. I quickly ran to her aid and tried to make her feel good but still knew this could be manipulation. The tone changed and things turned good for the next 3.5 days. When we were driving back to our city, we argued again. I told her that this is too much drama, too soon into being with someone and I think when we get back, we should split. She ended up crying and saying "I always do this!! I'm never going to be happy!! I want to KILL myself!!". I was more subdued this time and asked her why, and if she had said this before to anyone else? She said she had never. So I realized that I was being manipulated at this point and when I stuck to my guns on splitting up, her tone changed and she appeared to be ice cold. 

The drive back was painful because I wanted things to work but having dated someone like this before, I realized it would never work. So the plan was for us to get back to mine and then unload our stuff and then I take her to her apartment and I stay there since I had work really close by the next day. I told her I'd drop her off and then come back to mine as it wouldn't be appropriate if I stayed anymore. I drove her back and she tried to say a couple things during her silent treatment like: "You know, you've seen the best of me. I've been worse with other guys and I've been trying to change for you". Anyways, once we got to her apartment, I was so tired from 8 hours of driving, she asked if I just wanted to crash and we wouldn't talk. So I went to bed and tried to not make anything worse for us. 

She wakes me up 2 hours later telling me to get the fuck out. I knew she would have looked on my phone and seen messages from my ex-gf to me during our trip. My ex-gf and I shared a pet parrot who requires constant attention and looking after and she was in Hong Kong, so the parrot was at my house whilst the BPD girl and I were away. My housemates were looking after him. Anyways, during the time the BPD girl and I were away, and things were shit, I fucked up and sent a message to my ex along the lines of "Hi, I hope you're safe, I just wanted you to know that you're a good woman and I miss you. Take care". I was feeling so shit about how this new exciting relationship had taken a nose dive, I just honestly had never felt this shit with my ex. I 100% had zero intention to reel her back in or be with her. To this day I' am still cut up about losing the BPD girl. 

Anyways, she read these messages, although she knew I had to get my parrot of my previous gf, she didn't know stuff like that was being said. She was really angry and cold. She told me a bunch of nasty things and kicked me out. I said sorry but I didn't want to be be with her but it was useless. The trust was shattered. Ever since we had to talk about separating some plane tickets we both booked for another holiday in the future and when I tried to talk about 'us' and what happened, she wouldn't even reply. Just business like, only interested in the flights and money we had to divide. 

I found out after meeting her ex through friends that she tried to get him back the next day and gave him an ultimatum saying "I need to know if we can be together because I'm getting vibes from a guy at basketball. He gives me attention in a group scenario and you used to ignore me with friends." He said "Good luck" and that was the last he heard from her. 

I just feel like I meant nothing to her. I honestly really liked her and didn't like my ex at all but she just cut me off completely like it was nothing to her. I noticed she even deleted the cover photo on her facebook which I took of her and replaced it with a beach pic, but even left the one of her and her ex from last year.. I guess he never hurt her like I did. 

I just want to know she felt something and how someone with BPD would be feeling even though they are ice cold to me like she is? I am trying to move on now but its hard. 