When I (26f) was 19, I was hospitalised and diagnosed with bipolar 2. I've dealt with severe depression (and more) since my early/mid teenage years and it got to the point where it was so bad I needed to be hospitalised. That's when I met my psychiatrist (who I've had as my doctor since).

I research bipolar kind of often and am always looking to educate myself on the illness to know as much as I can and be as proactive about it as I can. I've read up on mania quite a bit and I think I understand it but I don't know that I've ever actually been manic. How do I know what it is? If I've had it? What does it look like?

I'm starting to question whether or not that's the proper diagnosis that I should have and if I'm even being treated correctly. I've been on the same medications for a large part of the last seven years (excluding roughly eight months where I stopped taking them altogether); my psychiatrist has also tried different other meds throughout the years on top of what I've been taking (at one point I was taking four or five different medications a day for a total of 11-14 pills daily). I don't think I've ever been "normal" or where I "should be" when it comes to my mental health - like a consistent okay feeling. Meds or no meds, I don't feel like I've been able to get there.

The more I read about bipolar, the more it just doesn't seem like the right diagnosis for myself. I know I'm not the professional and my doctor knows better, but it just doesn't feel right and hasn't for a long time. Trying to voice these opinions to my psychiatrist can be tricky, especially since they don't like to deal with "labelling" mental health (just telling me I have bipolar or whatever) for reasons I don't know