I think I always wanted it. To be owned fully, to be utterly enraptured with a man that he becomes my world. I always loved that way, even to the detriment of myself. Always loved from the bottom of myself.

To the point it scared me. How much I love, how obsessive I become, how they become my world.

I turned myself off, and my depression is saying: Daisy, Bitch, you not being real with yourself and your real needs.

I just watched "The Secretary", alone this weekend; hella depressive in my big bed, and something click inside of me.

Something that was always there.

Whether vanilla or bdsm, I'm attracted to the kinda men who want to own a woman completely. Its something deeper than just love, a need, ravenous and pure. Vulgar, sweet, simple and so complicated, I want that which can't be easily described through writing.

I started to spiral and ask myself why love doesn't work for me, and the answer has always stared me back in the face.

My love is so deep it is scary. Men run from me, because they never felt the way i did ever.. The old school kind of love. Devotion, submission, giving myself without hesitation, I would die if you asked me to die with you, kind of love. Take my left kidney, take a bullet, undying devotion.

Growing up, I would lose myself into romance novels, writers, men and women, who see love the way I see it.

As an utter need, as much a need as eating, fucking or shitting. Writers, like kinksters who get my kind of love.

I meet and fall for men, men whose idea of love is a duty or worse, an ideal unreal, one they give to woman to keep her to stay.

I need to be needed. I always ask myself: bitch, why do you get mad, delete fet, but always come back. What brings me back here?

There's a truth here, whether I call myself a submissive or not, that resonates in me.

I am vulgar, I am broken, I am flawed; and yet, I still can love, bloody and bruised.

I am more than a lover. I am more than a submissive. I want more than love.

I want a love so strong, I become possessed by him. I want to be possessed by a man

A man to possess my pain, the darkness of me, that seeks out ways to destroy myself. I don't know what to do with all this undying devotion in me

Sometimes, I want to die because I feel so unfulfilled in life. I want to be possessed.

I am Lee, whether I push my faux dominance around to pretend at being safe. Flighty, my way of never facing myself.

Cold, the temperature that is most comfy for my heart, leaves me frozen in desire.

Cages and ropes, impact and vulgar eyes, tie me to you, until I focus only on whats in front of me. Paint pain for me in a way, that makes me more possessed, cathartic pain, a rhythmic release,

To combat the way my pain is chaos, unlead by a man who sees me, I hurt myself worse than anyone. The most damaging words and actions has been from me.

Take my content, take my angst, take my screams, give it purpose, give it vulgar beauty, give it a reason.

I want a man to give me pain that makes sense to me, to my heart.

Do more than love me, haunt me, cage me, collar me, guide me, soothe me....own me.

I want to be possessed by a man, collared and trained.

I want him to recollect the birth marks on my body with his eyes closed.

I need more than love, I need to be needed, utterly. Give my love a purpose and watch it become more than you have ever felt, ever seen, something indescribable and beautiful.

I sit and wait for it, the moment, a spirit rides me, electricity in my spine, irises, calluses, sweat dripping down his abdomen as he stares in moonlight silence.

Set me free.

Haunt me until I never forget you, even in death.

Sweet love, sweet love
Trapped in your love
I've opened up, unsure I can trust
My heart and I were buried in dust
Free me, free us
You're all I need when I'm holding you tight
If you walk away I will suffer tonight
I found a man I can trust
And boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can't you see that I'm bound in chains?
I've finally found my way
I am bound to you
I am bound to you
So much, so young, I've faced on my own
Walls I built up became my home
I'm strong and I'm sure there's a fire in us
Sweet love, so pure
I catch my breath with just one beating heart
And I embrace myself, please don't tear this apart
I found a man I can trust
And boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can't you see that I'm bound in chains?
I've finally found my way
I am bound to you
I am bound to you
Suddenly the moment's here
I embrace my fears
All that I have been carrying all these years
Do I risk it all? Come this far just to fall?
Fall
I can trust and boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can't you see that I'm bound in chains?
And finally found my way
I am bound to you
I am, ooh I am
I'm bound to you