At this point, I don't even know if I'm faking everything or am I really depressed. I can't really feel anything. Is it sadness, anger, happines or fear, I am empty. I can't even hurt my feeling anymore or even cry. I've always been like this, but in the recent years its only gotten worse. I shouldn't be depressed... No that's a lie. I have all the reasons... just don't want to admit it. Abusive family, horrible grades, no friends, fucked up body, alone and all the shit thats happening to this world. Most of the issues are my fault, but I don't ever try to fix them. What's worse I had massive potential, but everything collapsed.

The only few reasons why Im still here are slowly being taken away from me by my family, because they think thats the reason for all of this. Without my phone and music, I would be already gone and my father probably wouldn't even flinch. He even openly says that I could just die, but of course that doesn't hurt me. Nothing does. I selfharm and do some truly horrible shit. Whats worse I enjoy it. If I could I would do even worse shit. I am completly lost, and don't know what to do. I just don't want to be here anymore. I never wanted to be here... you know, I have to thank you. You've read this, even though you probably have problems yourself. That's really kind of you to read this weird loser's story...