I mainly wanted to write this as a way to cope a little bit. 

But yea, today fucking sucked. I got cut from my university's baseball team and I don't know what to do with myself. 

I'm a freshman in college and I was able to get recruited to go division 1. Before reaching college, the past year and a half I spent working my ass off trying to get better at baseball. It was every fucking day, I would eat till I was on the verge of puking, lifting until my body gave out, and fantasizing about playing division 1 baseball. It was all I ever thought about because it was the only thing that gave my life any purpose at all. 

In high school, I was a fucking loser. I had extreme speaking anxiety that made school a living hell, to the point where anytime I had to speak in front of the class my voice would tremble and I would shake. I was always so embarrassed. My self-esteem was shit because I was the punching bag for all my friends (my ears stick out pretty bad), and I was the center of jokes frequently. Girls never wanted anything to do with me. 

Baseball was quite literally the only thing I had. I wanted some sort of validation, that my life had meaning. So in high school that's all I focused on. I gave my heart out to it.  

By my senior year, I started talking to division 1 coaches and eventually committed to a school. The day I committed, I cried a little bit. I worked so fucking hard and I thought I did it. I was wrong. I was invited to my coach's office this morning and was informed that I'd been cut from the team. 

When literally the only thing you have going for you is ripped away, you just want to die honestly. I feel like a complete fucking failure. There is nothing I have going for me now. I wanted to show everybody that I was worth something but came up empty-handed. It hurts pretty bad.