Hello, 

I will try to keep this as short as possible.  
\-Bipolair type 2  
\-Did many volunteer jobs to build up a resume.  
\-I always ended up in a mental hospital (7 times now) and.. i cant "work" in traditional sense  
\-Got a job: Teacher in an art academic (model drawing)  
\-Bipolair was too much of a problem, a forced(not negatively forced) check up by doctors  
\-Got 100% "not suited for working"

And now i have enough money to survive but there werent any goals in life.. I know damn well I do not fit in society because of being Bipolair. I tried and tried and there comes a point I must accept this: Which I did. However... As a person I cannot stay at home and play videogames all day,  do drugs, watch movies to no end.. No i'd rather be dead. 

I guess i am idiotic lucky to be Dutch. Despite being 100% turned down for jobs people like me are still able to build up a non-profit organisation. Which i did: To give meaning to my own life, to help society and creating a field where even a person like me can work. 

For identity reasons I refure to say what my non-profit does (because there is not a single other company in the world which does what I do so my name will pop up immediatly) 

Every day, and i mean every..single..day.. including weekends I go to 'work'. Being a part of society in a way i can handle. My workhours are abnormal and during heavy months of depression there is simply no progress which results into long periods of "zero progress" My non-profit is bending with my bipolair episodes: It is the only way I can work. 

This non-profit got official one month before the whole covid19 stuff happened and, just like everyone, we are trying to survive. The rent must be paid. 

Anyway.. In the end there are many MANY people who tell me i am 'too slow', my choices are 'not the smartest'.. But every choice i make is also to prevent severe depressions.. I simply created a goddamn workstyle which goes in sync with this idiotic mental illness and STILL it is not good enough? 

I love to help people, I love my non profit and what it does, I am desperate to be part of society despite having this stupid abnormal/sick brain.. Sure my results are lower than the average person but the hours i make for zero money is way more. Is that not enough? 

I feel so unwanted.

Maybe there is someone who relates to this and has tips for me? 

It has been years and years and years now. Trying to fit in, trying to be part of the human race but it costs 500% of my energy every day just to be "normal"