I’m not looking for a diagnosis or anything or anything the sort, but I’m curious to know if my newer symptoms sound familiar to those who deal with paranoia symptoms. Because it seems like my condition has grown beyond the boundaries of schizotypal (diagnosed ten years ago). 

During the day I keep 90% of my curtains closed because for whatever reason, I don’t like the thought of people looking in. There is no logical reason why, but I feel threatened by the idea of someone seeing me. It’s really not possible due to reflections on window and distance from sidewalk to my house, but I feel vulnerable/threatened by an imaginary threat to a point where everyday actions require no one seeing into my house. 

At night, I get extremely paranoid that anyone on the streets is out to get me, out to hurt or kill me. Rationally I know that’s not true, but every fiber in my being screams that someone —or something— is out to kill me. It interferes with my evening walks or driving. Ever watch a horror movie where a character knows someone or something is out to kill them? That’s how things are for me at night. My imagination will play tricks on me because I’ll glance at someone, somehow imagine someone having a creepy face or have the form of a creature (scares the fuck out of me), and then it’ll take me a second to blink and remind myself that it isn’t real and I have to spend time reassuring myself until the next person surprises me and the cycle starts all over again. I will get extremely anxious, fast heartbeats, almost in tears, jumpy, the whole enchilada. Rationally I know all of this can’t be true, but my brain thinks otherwise. 

I avoid reading about conspiracies because I know I’d have a hard time differentiating what’s real and what’s not. 

I do my best to remain anonymous online because for whatever reason, I am paranoid af over people (family or not) knowing who I am and what I do for a living. Again, I can’t put my finger on why. I could be further in my career if I didn’t spend so much time trying not to be visible online. However, I don’t fit the anti-social part of schizotypal. I’m a pretty outgoing and likable person, I make friends very easily, my coworkers love me. But on the other hand, I am highly (secretly) suspicious around people, always waiting for the other shoe to drop, extremely (secretly) suspicious/worried when meeting new people. It bleeds into my line of work where I (secretly) distrust many people because for whatever reason, I think coworkers are out to get me, I spend more of my energy trying to be normal inside my head than I do on my work. Also, some family members, no matter what they do or don’t do, make me feel extremely paranoid or threatened when around them. Again, no rational reason why. 

Random things: 
I don’t like silence. I literally get panicky if I don’t have some sort of white noise playing to soothe me. Playing white noise will instantly relax me. 

I struggle to “hear” spoken words correctly unless I look away from the screen or person and concentrate on a stationary object. I also avoid a lot of eye contact when speaking because I somehow can concentrate better if I’m looking around vs at the person listening. 

My executive working memory is shit. I compensate well, but I can tell my brain is less sharp than it used to be. 

I don’t know what I’m hoping to accomplish with this post. I have an appt set up with a psychologist soon. 

TL;DR: Person with just schizotypal, or schizotypal+ more, or something else new?