Long story short, from age 17-21 i was an absolute terror. Abusive alcoholic, always trying to hurt people back whenever they hurt me, etc.  Now I'd say i'm mostly in remission from my BPD symptoms, but i recently got called out for my bad behaviour from 7-10 years ago and all my friends and my serious girlfriend have left me.

I know that i've changed and that I'm not the person I was before (worked on emotional regulation, quit drinking, etc.) but i have no support system anymore.  Coming off a recent suicide attempt, trying to maintain my sobriety, I have nobody for support or to keep me accountable.  

It is hard not to kill yourself when everyone you know thinks you're a bad person and doesn't want to associate with you anymore.  The girl i was seeing said she needed time because she wasn't in a good space to talk, but that was a month ago, and that was my last hope for having anyone. I'm struggling and i don't know what to do.