My anxiety has literally been taking over my whole entire life for the past month maybe. I keep having mini breakdowns and panic attacks. It's not like I don't know why this is happening. I know where all my anxiety is coming from. family stuff, the way I look, the way people see me, and just little things. I know when I'm being irrational and I know when I need to relax. I don't know how to make my subconscious mind understand that it needs to relax. it's not that deep. I'm, not one to care about what people think at all but honestly, everything has been getting to me lately and I have been on edge.

I recently had to wear scrubs for a few days, and I love the way I look in scrubs lol. I walked into the office and the first person I had to attend to literally did not even make eye contact with me and just stared at my chest. The next, day I went in wearing a SPORTS BRA and I felt good and one of the nurses was like damn you lucky girl you look hella skinny today, and the patient we were with agreed with her but as if she was pissed at me lmao. This literally would not have bothered me on ANY other day but it sent me over the edge. I just idk bruh i literally cant even eat right these days and it just sent me like i literally didnt ask anyone to look at me like that.

I dont even want a relationship but im fucked up over a dude that was just supposed to be a one-night thing maybe no jk i liked him which is why i tried to end it so quickly and it did end kind of but idk i literally cant stop thinking about him and just seeing his name pop up on my phone gives me sm anxiety which and I know its stupid bc he is so kind and i could just text him and talk it out but i also physically cant im not disturbing his peace just to find mine u know. It is giving me headaches and sm anxiety like my chest is physically hurting rn thinking ab it just to type it out.

there's also just sm little stuff happening rn with family that im stressing over like school financials and shit that literally got resolved and i KNEW they would get resolved but it all still lead to stupid fights w my parents and the shit they say just hits diff lmao idk.

and idk how to not stress about all this and ik my friends r so tired of hearing my shit so i needed to type it out somewhere lol i want to go sit under a rock for a few months to get away from everyone and just breathe gsjgkjslgj.