I get waves of overwhelming feelings. feel lost, confused, broken. I think of what the "past" me would have done and I just feel sheer disappointment in myself. 

Sometimes I get insomnia for playing out how life could be. 

I don't live a bad life, and I feel like how I feel isn't warranted for what it looks like on the surface. I have a stable job, starting a new one in January actually though. I have savings. I have a lovely boyfriend who cares for me. I have friends (I am the introverted one though.) I am often described as "positive."

But I don't feel like anyone really *knows* me.

4 years ago, I lived abroad and since coming home, I just don't feel the same.. I feel trapped. Things are falling into place, but I crave freedom. 

I was once someone who was brave to go to the other side of the world by herself.. now I am someone who is scared when she can't get to sleep after 2 minutes. Someone who panics when she gets a headache. Someone who has slowly stopped talking to her close friends because I don't want to put up a fake positive facade anymore.

I don't really have anyone to talk to about this... just talking, would be a start.. But my anxiety isn't really warranted.