Not sure if anyone else can relate to this. I've always wanted to be a creative person, because it gives life some purpose and helps to relieve boredom. But it's that very same boredom and lack of inner purpose that make the art unsatisfying. It often comes across as amateur or hollow, especially when compared to other pieces of art which seem so rich and flushed with meanings and aesthetics, such that you could think on them for hours and make great discussions from them.

It's like your head is so writhe with these assorted ideas and inspirations, and you have to get them out somehow. You have to find a way to *communicate them*, to put them into something physical that others can see and understand. But when you try, the writings feel empty, the pencil strokes mean nothing on their own. The idea in your mind can never become physical, and anything you create is only a loose approximation, carriers and husks with no content. Nobody will look at these and think "Wow, these tell me something I never knew before!"

You could tell yourself "okay, well all that matters is that I like it, nobody else has to." But you *aren't* satisfied with it. Your boredom makes you skip out on details and descriptions. Your lack of ability to communicate with others makes your characters either self-inserts or shallow approximations of real people. The story itself has no purpose other than to house the many aesthetics and inspirations you want to lump into this kitchen sink of a story. And above all, you feel like your writing is amateur, no matter how much you attempt to teach yourself and what inspirations you take. 

It all feels so vain. But you keep trying, because what else can you do but attempt to refine your skills until one day, straining your mind through headaches and your hands through cramps, you might spawn something that people actually might like? Something slightly decent that people will look at and say "Huh, cool!" and then move on. Maybe someday in the future. Maybe in another year.

If you have any frustrations with art, feel free to share them below