long story short we have to take care of his parents'  dog for a week and i have so much hate and resentment and jealousy pent up in me. i am so fucking crazy it's unimaginable at this point

she always follows us around everywhere and its so mentally draining, when we go for a walk the dog isnt trained at all so it just keeps tangling the leash between my legs, between us, always have to switch sides and i know this is probably very dumb to everyone on here but to me its so overwhelming. i havent been able to keep up with my job ever since we took the dog in, i cant take care of myself, ive been planning to take a shower for 4 days now but i just cant focus on anything but how frustrated i am. this frustration is taking over so much that it consumes every last amount of energy i have in me. 


ive been drinking every day and taking mood stabilizers to numb myself down. i just hate this dog so much because i cant have any alone moment with my partner because of it. its always there. its so debilitating. we havent had sex for 4 days now compared to 2x a day before and i think many of you will relate to how this can just throw off any security that you might have. im paranoid af, like does he like someone else? why is he interacting with the dog more than me? i am so jealous on this dog because she gets all the attention and i just feel like a third wheel. all the bad feelings you get with bpd just ramped up all at once and i dont know how our relationship will recover from this because i am so paranoid that he doesnt like me anymore and that he will cheat on me. im so crazy i just want to stop existing.


all this because i cant cope with having a dog for 1 week. im a mess and i just dont want to exist like this anymore. my brain just cant compute with normal things. my reactions are so out of proportion i just dont know how to be normal. i just want to numb myself so i cant have thoughts at all. i want to break up and go back to my family and my home country. i feel so paranoid about him cheating and disliking me that i just dont know how ill ever recover


fuck having any personality disorder honestly