if you have an opinion against me, i really cant stand to hear it, as im already feeling suicidal. i hope that people here of all people understand that sentiment.    


i make a neutral statement in a subreddit i was a part of, they take it the wrong way and falsely accuse me of being a bigot which they recently started banning people for, and then before i can fully defend myself, they 3 day temp ban me.  i overreact and get angry at them in a PM, so they permaban me for getting angry at them.    


then i go to talk about it on a similar subreddit, and people have the fucking audacity to come there, go out of their way, just to tell me they have no sympathy for me.   then before i can explain the situation, they search through my profile, decide they dont like me, form a negative impression of me, mock my profile on MY post, talking about me like im not right there reading it, then they ban me from that sub too.    


i feel entirely shunned, fucking cast out by the community i thought i could trust.  guess it was idealist and idiotic of me to do so.   and i still believe im right, but honestly im not even going to go into it much because my fragile state cant handle anyone further trying to tell me im wrong, because i dont want to hear it.   but oh i want to talk about it.  how they were total fucking hypocrites, and they couldnt handle me calling them out on it, so they abused their moderator powers, two different moderators, and silenced me.   creating hate posts against the people that were hating on them, i say that's stupid, fire with fire burns us all, so then what do they do? they burn me, and make me burn with rage in return.  at least my point was proven.  pisses me off so much and words dont do that justice.    


i dont know if other people here suffer from this, but self-doubt cripples me.  i cant stand firm on anything.  you can tell me the sky is red and ill start doubting that its really blue.   so when i believe im right about something, i always second guess it.     


so well, fuck humans.  and fuck how hard it is to not over-rely on them only to end up getting hurt.  why be vulnerable when you can just dissociate, am i right.  