How is this treated/ medicated? I experience it intensely , even more so when alone.

I read online a few years ago they had success in trialling an epilepsy drug on BPD aversive tension?

Unbearably restless, cant feel any kind of comfort or relaxation just left overwhelmed with feeling of need to kill self. Its intense when I go to bed...never remember dropping off and soon as awake can't take any kind of pleasure from lying in.

Yeah at evenings especially....my neighbour friend goes to bed at around 6pm. I thinkI have finally stabilized my identity and overcome self consciousness, anxiety, depressiveness etc so I feel quite confident of making friends, relationships, expressing sexuality.... company to quell aversive tension/emptiness. 

But my drug use over last few years has worsened my squint....my eye is permanently outwards when it used to be only when v tired or had a few drinks. Plus I cant feel much sexual pleasure....orgasm is minimal....get a feeling of urination around ejaculation.

Feel like being tormented to suicide by higher power....