First post here so bear with me as format will probably be a little messy.

So practically all my life I haven’t really had a sense of identity, from when I was younger I can’t particularly remember how my personality was but more so the abuse and stress I went through.

In middle school I had my first friend and their interests and activities became mine. Now I had an opinion of my own and we butted heads of course, but regarding activities or just general interests I didn’t really have any.

I noticed that when I’d make a new friend I’d take a piece of their personality and make it mine. And it frustrated me to no extent. I felt like a doll or robot. I felt shallow as shit and like I was lying to everyone about who I was. 

Well as of now I don’t really have many friends anymore, more like acquaintances. So I’m completely distraught and lost. I feel even less like myself now and i don’t know how to make all of this go away. I want to find my own likes and interests, but whenever i try something new I feel as if I’m not good enough for it so I give up. Does anyone have any advice on how to make this feeling somewhat subside??