How are you all doing?

Im 22M from Pakistan, and I've been depressed most of my life, as far as I remember the depression is with me when I was 12, its been a whole decade now. 

now from past year I got anxiety too, if see anyone is whispering or talking so quietly, I always assume they are talking about me. Ive been suicidal many time, and I have so many fail attempts, I do have a job, and I did had girlfriends in the past, and they all cheated, the last girl I dated was from US, and I really really adore her so much, I would have rip my heart open and give it to her this much I loved her, and she also cheated on me, not once but trice. We dated each other for 2 years, and those two years were the best of my life, I was starting to love myself, I feel optimistic, I feel so smart and energetic, Like those two years were the best year of my life, but she cheated on me, and now I'm having this feeling again that feeling I used to feel everyday when I didn't met her. that awful sadness. 

I don't have friends my family hate me so much. they think I'm burden on them, my family has even said this on my many many times. my mom always say I'm ugly. 

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So, few weeks ago I decided I will go a therapist, Nobody will take care of me, so I have to take care by myself. so I went to 2 mental hospital and they all said they won't see me unless I bring a partner with me (like a friend or family) and I told the receptionist that I don't have anyone, I'm all alone and I needa therapist, and she said "**No sorry hon, Doc won't see you**" so I went home. crying all the way.   
if I didn't get help anytime soon I think I might go insane. 

 I feel sorry for myself. I feel so sorry for you guys who have been in a same situation like me and who has depression + Anxiety. 

Please don't give up..

but I 'm starting to loose hope now, Why people can't be kind and generous!!!! 

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Hugs.