I just need to vent a bit. I cannot cry. Like a tear or two can fall down my face and I can tear up but that’s it. I need a nice cry at the moment maybe even loud sobs but I haven’t been able to do that. In February I was in the kid mental unit for trying to end myself and afterwards I was able to cry but slowly that has been taken away from me. The last time I had a nice long sobbing sencon was the weekend Heartstopper came out. And I remember that because my family was out of town and I was left home alone for 2 days but my brother came over so we can watch the show and I complained that I had to stop. But it was like on and off sobbing because I can’t cry and sob for more then a few minutes. It confusing. 

I am mentally ok ish. I am like 90% sure I have a mood desorder. But am pretty sure I was in a manic episode for like a few months but not am back to normal with mood swings. Like almost like I am on my period 24/7. Witch when I do get my piriod it gets worse. Like am more in a grumpy mood so not really. Idk

If anyone wants to comment on this just know I use he/they pronouns