Context: I was dating a guy long distance at the start of the year for about 2 months and was honestly falling in love with him but he ended up ending it because he wasn't fully over his ex. We broke up over message and I hadn't seen him since because I broke my foot earlier in the year and then lockdown happened.

I feel like I never fully got over him because I'm stubborn as fuck these days and don't like being vulnerable towards people I'm into and don't like them thinking they have the upper hand. Anyway was at a friend's birthday thing at the weekend and he was there. It was fine at first, we hug and are cordial but I decide not to tell him I'm not over him because drink and drugs are involved. Yet somehow we end up hanging out for like a solid 4 hours throughout the night, he kisses me multiple times and keeps cuddling into me, to the point where a girl we meet asks if we're together (he says no obviously) and she proceeds to tell us how we would really suit each other (people always used to say this to us when we were seeing each other)... I swear he even brought up our first date at one point during the night too. 

Eventually he starts being kinda distant and disappears off to hang with other people. I knew it was gonna happen but it still made me feel so incredibly shit. I felt so smitten every time we were cuddling as well but I knew deep down it wouldn't last the weekend. I kinda regret spending that time with him because now literally all I can think about is him and I know I should probably message him in a few days once we've both had space and tell him I'm not over him but again, I'm so stubborn, and I have a strong feeling he's still not ready for anything and I know it's going to break my heart. I've spent this whole year trying to get over the 2 months we were together, I've done so much work on myself and found new hobbies and everything but I cannot shake this idea that he's supposed to be my person and I want it to work out so badly and I know it's going to crush me when it doesn't. I know that it's probably intensified by me being on a comedown right now but I just feel crushed. Life is so much easier when I don't have attachments to anyone and I thought I'd shaken this one but it's still there and it hurts so badly :(