I feel like I will never get better. I am so ashamed of having this disorder, it affects me and the people around me every single day. I'm tired of it dictating every thought and action I have. I am exhausted from the constant mood swings. I am tired of getting angry at my boyfriend and thinking I'd be better off dead over the DELUSIONS my brain comes up with. Oh, my boyfriend went to a small party/get together the past two nights to chill with his old friend? Can't possibly be anything innocent, he's probably hooking up with bitches behind my back and lying to my face right now. Do I have any proof of that being true? NOPE! But it's extremely real to me in my stupid idiot brain. I'm literally crying/shaking in anger over something that probably isnt even true :)))))) This is what I do, all the time. Just come up with some new made-up scenario to get mad about, and react accordingly. The worst part is knowing how completely stupid I'm behaving yet not being able to change it. Then hating myself even more because of it.