I just want to be normal. Whenever I have a friendship with someone who I even slightly like my anxiety flares up and I end up being super clingy and annoying and I'm in a constant state of panic and fear that they're going to leave and forget me and I end up scaring them away

I want a meaningful relationship so badly but noone would be able to reciprocate my affection and therapy is so so far away and I have no idea what to do I feel so scared and lonely