I have exams coming up and I literally preferred to die rather than to study. 

So... I did attempt to commit suicide and I would've been successful if my mom hadn't randomly decided to pay me a visit and see me laid almost lifeless on the ground.

It's been a week since my attempt and I'm not sure if I liked her 'saving' me; I feel like it's not a decision you can make for someone else but that's pretty hypocritical of me because I would definitely have done the same. 

I'm just so frustrated depressed and angry right now. I can study and get my degree soon; I have a good resume and I have job offers that pay more than enough to comfortably live with no fear of ever being short on cash and these things just make me feel like such a spoiled and privileged piece of trash. A human being so fucking spoiled and lazy that isn't even willing to do the barest of minimums, like literally doing anything, barely anything at fucking all.

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I have a good supporting family, an amazing girlfriend and very kind and caring friends. So why is it so hard for me to do anything at all? Even making my bed after I wake up is a task that I have to spend so much mental energy and all my willpower on to be able to do.

But I just don't want to live. I don't know why everything is a chore for me. I'm literally not committing suicide again because I saw how the people that care the most for me got so badly hurt by this decision.

They say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but what if Just being alive and going through life becomes the problem?