The stress has caught up with me. I have this strong gut feeling that suppressing so much and having so much trauma every day is gonna kill me soon. I have been chronically stressed every day for 10 years. Suppressing it and exploding or living in fight or flight. 

I’m so sad because I haven’t really lived my life yet. I never owned my identity or my gender. I don’t have many positive memories. I’m still resisting what is. 

I’m dying without ever having lived.