I hate myself so much. I'm 24 years old. I still live with my parents. I have such bad anxiety and depression. I can be agoraphobic at times too. I'm an alcoholic and on New Years embarrassed myself beyond belief by drinking half a bottle of gin and throwing up all night. I ruined my clothes too. I was so awful with my friends. I don't even remember much either but the things I do remember were not good. I yelled at people, insulted them. I confessed to my friend that I like him. I just fucked up so badly beyond belief. I've apologized to people so much but I know those are just empty words. Idk how to make things right. I fucking hate myself and feel so bad for the people I have hurt. I have a drinking problem. I'm so conflicted because alcohol was the only thing that got me through lockdown with my abusive family. I feel like I need it. I'm such a loser. I also feel so alone. Never had a proper relationship before and am probably gonna die alone a virgin. I'm ugly and have so many issues. I see everyone else flourishing in their lives. I just feel so stuck with mine. I'm just crying my eyes out. Idk what to do. I'm so freaking sad.