Does anyone ever go through life and all the things that happen, you constantly blame yourself?

I feel like if I just never said or did anything at all, life would so much smoother.

If I could share a story about work:

I work as a front desk clerk, checking people in. We verify insurance, update personal info, take co-pays, and print tickets of the patients for the nurses.

A few weeks back, a ticket got lost. A man comes to ask me about why he has not been seen on time. I looked through, saw his ticket was printed, but did not know where it was.

I called to see as the patient was getting a CT scan. Called to see if the technician had the ticket, but got yelled at... in front of my supervisor as well, was said this was a constant things that's been happening. Left me rather depressed, because the man that yelled, who is usually nice, spontaneous, usually pretty chipper, silly, completely changed before my eyes.

So I left that day, completely devastated that someone known to be pretty nice yelled at me.

Next day, he tried to pretend nothing happened. Tried giving me a fist-bump as a sign of friendship, like he usually does.

I refused, and he made me feel guilty because of it, talking about how "not cool" it was. "If you were in my shoes, you would have done the same thing."

No, not necessarily. All I know is that if it happened, I would have apologized. 

And well... still no apology. Perhaps I deserved it. I usually do mess a lot of things up in my life, and it does warrant getting yelled at, but still...

I should never try or care as much as I do, but here we are. Sorry if this isn't something that can posted. Just wanted to get it off my chest. I wish i didn't exist. I wouldn't make people's lives so difficult.