Hey guys. I just recently started seeing a therapist and she told me she thinks  may have bpd, as well as anxiety. I’m not asking for a diagnosis, but can anyone relate to my symptoms? I feel so alone. Thanks

As far back as middle school I remember crying to my parents over how mundane life was and how every day was the same as the last. Started self harming every few months freshman year, thought every high school kid got overwhelmed like that. Sophomore year just a few months of feeling really low and not enjoying life as much. Junior year I developed horrible anxiety where I couldn’t speak on the phone and almost fainted giving an in class speech. I spent the whole second semester crying everyday after school, thinking about ending my life, and lashing out to my family and friends. Senior year was a wreck. Fine for a few months, depressed for a month, anxious the next, etc. I could be screaming  at the top of my lungs, kicking shit over and ripping my hair out at noon, and by 12:15 I’d be on the couch eating chips and scrolling through twitter like nothing happened. I was extremely irritable and I would pop off at my family 24/7. I was extremely manipulative and found it easy to get people to do what I wanted. I would take 20 advil for no reason, scratched at my neck until it bruised, rub poison ivy on my face, close my eyes while driving, hitting my head on a tree, take shots on a random wednesday, etc. I also started messing with my eyebrows during this time. I was just kind of obsessed with plucking them and kicking them neat. By the time college rolled around, I was straight up ripping them out to the point where half of my brow was gone. Also around this time anxiety was worsening, as well as mood swings. Great morning, happy and peppy. By 1 pm I’d be crying for no reason, thinking about the closest drugstore so I could buy razor blades and kill myself. Next day I’d feel on top of the world. I’m even more manipulative now. When my friends don’t respond for an hour, I’ll put them on do not disturb and set reminders on my home to not talk to them for a week, then in the morning I’d wake up and forget why I ever felt like that. My sleeping is horrendous. I keep having dreams of my friends hurting me or saying they hate me, or friends dying in car accidents, or people I love being tortured because of me. If I fall asleep at 1, I’ll wake up at 4,6,7,8, 8:30, 8:45, and 9. Right now Im stuck in a hole. My course work is incredibly difficult and I’m nauseous a lot. It’s almost impossible to get out of bed, I’m napping 3 hours a day and I don’t want to hang out with my friends.

If you read all of this, youre my hero
