Someone who understands. I've read that people with NPD can feed into the desires of a borderline and I know it's so awfully toxic but I *want* it. Instant gratification.

I read that NPD and BPD are very closely correlated. And it's fucking true. I've always thought myself as very egoistic and self-centered because I'd often feel (not as much act, though, which I feel is the one thing keeping me from being a full on narcissist) a bit stuck-up and high on ego whenever I'd end up being really liked in a community. But often, the fear sets in and makes me run away. It's horrible. I've just always loved having someone idolize me. And I often find myself entirely disinterested in people and sometimes maybe even unsympathetic if I don't find them "worthy enough". I keep fluctuating between a high ego and no ego at all.

I want someone to feed into that so damn bad. I want someone to love me and tell me I'm amazing and praise everything I do. I want someone to love me because *no one ever fucking did.* Even if someone constantly tells me they care, if I don't care about *them* I might as well not be loved at all.

I just want a cute, self aware narcissistic/borderline boyfriend who I can have fights with and then always come back to because we both know we're pieces of shit, god damn. Call me trash and vice versa because it feels so damn good to be hurt like we deserve.