I have been trying to make small improvements to my life. This year I got therapy, quit using drugs, stopped drinking (2 months clean and sober.) I'm struggling to quit smoking but am down to about 1/4th pack a day instead of 1-2 packs. I've also started changing my eating habits since I gained a lot of weight before getting off an antipsychotic. I'm not doing great with it and haven't lost any noticeable weight but I have stopped gaining and cut back on sugar. I am not working right now but I've applied to some part time jobs that I think would be something I could handle. I'm extremely depressed most of the time but about once a day I have a period of time where I think, ok, maybe my situation isn't the worst and I can improve it. But then I'll read something or hear something that makes me feel bad about living at home and struggling to hold a long term job, and suddenly everything crashes down again. I feel guilty and worthless and like something people make fun of and that I don't deserve a better life and could never accomplish getting one anyway. This keeps me completely stuck in this vicious cycle and I end up getting absolutely nowhere, for years, while all my siblings have progressed normally in life. I feel so stressed out, I've lost hair from how bad the stress is. How do I break this cycle? It's literally killing me and ruining my chance of independence.