Hey everyone. My SO has been interviewing for jobs out of state for the past few months (it's really hard to find jobs in his field). Well, he got one, and it's actually in another country. It's a one year position. This happened pretty suddenly... He didn't apply for the job, but was actually recruited for it. He decided to take the position. I encouraged it. I think it is a good move for his career. We've been fighting a lot leading up to this, largely because I'm so afraid of what will happen if we move together and stressed about the entire process of him applying for jobs. Not that our relationship has been smooth otherwise by any means. We've been together about a year and a few months. This job search thing has also been hanging over our head the entire time.

He had initially asked me to come with him. But after fighting for a few days, we talked last weekend, and we both agreed we're not sure if this is the best idea for us right now. He asked me to give it some time (like a few weeks or so?) and work hard on this/support each other, and then reevaluate, which I agreed to do. He also agreed to see a couples therapist with me, so we're in the process of making an appointment. 

We've never lived together before, though he stays over a lot. He's planning to stay with me more often (for example, every day this past week, minus yesterday) in order to give that a try. He's moving his stuff into a friend's house next weekend, as his lease ends in June. We talked about him actually moving in with me for a few months, but since we don't know what's going to happen with us, him renting a room somewhere else seems like a good idea.

My therapist is really encouraging me to work hard on this, but is also telling me that she's not sure that I'm ready to rise to the occasion, so to speak (she did not use these words). She encouraged me to pour back over my therapy notes for the last few months to come up with strategies to try. She thinks I need to be more deliberate about using my DBT skills, especially since I am so stressed. (I've done two cycles of DBT skills, for reference, and I've been seeing a DBT therapist for around 2 years). She says she's noticed that I do really well when I commit to working hard, though my commitment does seem to wane on and off. 

With my issues with trust and jealousy, as well as abandonment, clinginess, and loneliness when he's not around, I'm very hesitant to try long distance (I have all but ruled that out). He also doesn't actually know if he's coming back to our city after the position is over, and honestly he probably isn't. If we don't move I don't think we'll stay together.

I am just really sad and upset today. Dealing with the uncertainty is so hard, and even though the decision to wait it out for awhile is mutual, I'm still feeling really insecure. I wanted him to be sure, you know? Even though I wasn't. My thoughts were so negative while I was falling asleep last night. I want everything to be smooth since our talk so that we can both see this will be ok. But it hasn't. We've still had a few fights this week, though we've had a lot of good times too. I have been enjoying so much coming home to him after work, talking about our days, and being together. Part of this time I've felt pretty confident that I think I can see this working. We have grown so much as a couple over time. I've never been in a relationship like this before. And he's fantastic. I can see myself having a family with him, and being really lucky to have a great life partner.

His job starts in September. I'd probably have to start the process of getting ready to leave with him by late June or early July, at the latest, if I'm going to go. He's basically already starting to mentally prepare to leave. It is hard to see that. Though I'm also trying to be supportive. 

I'm unhappy with my job. I'm unsure what I'm going to do if I don't move. I have some ideas (I've written them out), but it all seems so difficult, and it feels so bleak. Any support is appreciated. 

Edit: I think I should add that I'd be perfectly happy making the move, for myself. I have a plan for what I would do in the other country, and I'm in a good place in my life and career to do this. I'm excited by the idea of living in this other country, though obviously afraid too. The hesitation is mostly due to worrying if our relationship can handle it. 