TW- sexual assault, mention of suicide attempt and abuse 

&amp;#x200B;

For a while now I’ve been thinking about exposing my ex/ fp for what he did to me. I’ve been thinking about telling all our friends and warning people about him since he wants to be in the music industry and I see him constantly on dating apps possibly  looking for the next target and I just feel it’s wrong for him to just get off free after what he did. I was tricked into believing it was my fault and he even had me apologize to him for months and tell him what a great person he was daily and how I forgive him. He’d have me sit with him for hours going back and forth arguing until I’d just give in and tell him he’s a good person

Last year, the first night we met he forced me to have sex with him when I said no probably over 50 times. He would not get off of me and eventually I just gave in. I cried after. I remember every detail of the night it happened even what he was wearing and what I was wearing. I can’t even look at the pair of pants I was wearing that night without getting sick so I hide them. He pulled them right off of me after I said no so many times and I’ll never forget that. Eventually he had me so trauma bonded from that that we began dating and he convinced me that he was doing nothing wrong , that I had to have sex everytime he wanted or he’d throw a fit, I wasn’t allowed to talk to any guys or he’d cry, had to cut off all my guy friends, he was also mentally abusive and even got physically abusive a few times. 

I’m finally no longer in contact with him after a long back and forth battle and tons of drama but he has people keep tabs on me and stalk my social media still so he knows what I’m doing at all times.

I was so trauma bonded to him that it was painful for me to even think about telling everyone about what he did but I can’t deal with this. I see people post about his music and how he’s such a great person and I see his name everywhere and can’t help but think about what he did to me. He’s not a great person at all. It was so traumatizing that I tried to kill myself last year and actually ended up in the psych ward, no amount of therapy or meds has helped and I’m still having constant nightmares about him.

I think I’m about ready to finally let people know about who he really is and how he puts on an act for everyone else. One thing that really upset me was when I found out that he was going around telling people that I was the one that was abusing him and he tells people to not interact with me because I’m crazy. I would’ve never done anything like that to him. I loved and cared about him. I believe he did this to try and point all the blame on me still. It’s absolutely disgusting. I have screenshots of him saying racist things, voice recordings or him saying violent things he will do. I have more than enough to expose him and I’m not scared of him anymore.

I think this will give me a bit of closure and peace if people know the true story, it’s sad to say I still love and care about him but I have to care more about myself and get some peace out of this situation. I’ve been putting it off long enough trying to protect him. It’s not right and I’ll never grow that way.