I'm a male in my mid 20's. I encountered heavy pedophilia at ages 6 and 8. I kept it from my mother for a long time, as she wasn't very affectionate I didn't want to imagine what she would say to me. These memories have now resurfaced and I'm having an extremely hard time coping. My entire life I've tried to act like a "man", to no avail. I've been bullied and called a pussy, little b, and faggot so much. I made this burner account because I don't want anyone knowing. Can anyone relate? Anty males that have faced similar trauma? It's super hard to talk to anybody because I'm supposed to be a "tough man". I told my ex gf of 5 years and our relationship quickly declined with her leaving me for another guy. Not the first time it happens BTW. I don't want to blame my trauma and adopt a victim mentality, but I'm finding it really hard not too. I think of most things that have happened in my life and it feels as if it derives directly from these issues. Any advice, coping methods, or just someone who can relate and help me ease the pain? After so many failed relationships and always being seen as a "faggot", I'm very tired. I've failed a suicide attempt in the past but lately intrusive thoughts are the only thing that enters my mind. Please, I'm hoping there is at the very least one person who understands what I'm going through. I really need someone to talk to about this as any male in my life immediately disregards me and furthers there perception of me as a low grade male.