Hi, basically to make a long story short I’ve been dating my boyfriend for two and a half years and things are great. He’s shown me no sign of distrust and he always treats me with utmost respect and love. 
However, I admit fully I am a very jealous person regarding him having female friends, I’ve never ever told him he can’t talk to them or etc etc, it’s moreso an internal dialogue I have in my head with myself that will make me jealous and cause me to noticeably close off and have a mood change. It’s a trait I am really ashamed of and I don’t want it to fester and create issues in our relationship, and also just to have some relief in my head. I’ve been cheated on multiple times in the past, and I think it really affected how I view male and female friendships. He is a very sweet, kind, and social person, so he’s very talkative with everyone naturally and makes friends easily, I just internally can’t help but feels pangs of jealousy. Whenever he mentions a story or memory or something of female friends I picture in my head if their prettier then me, funnier, nicer, more in common, and it makes me really overthink and I just kinda shut down completely, and he of course notices. He’s also a musician so naturally he’s also met a lot of other female musicians he thinks are cool and has some fans that make me feel insecure because my head is convinced I’m just nothing special. I really don’t want to be like this, because it makes me feel problematic when there is no reason for me to be worried, I just don’t know what else to do to improve my self esteem. My confidence is a whopping zero and no matter what I try, therapy, working out, eating better etc, I still find ways to compare myself and I don’t want this to hurt my relationship from me getting in my head about these stupid things. I’m really tired of being such a comparative, low person. I want to be happy and confident but i know my depression plays a role in this as well.