I've been under the impression I was doing a good job acting happy and peppy and fun at work. I thought I gave off a positive attitude and that nobody could tell I was constantly thinking about suicide the whole time. 

Welp. Got a comment today that I always look stressed and tired. Not in a bad way of course, it's just obvious and I have hella bags under my eyes. I give off a stressed out energy.

I just started this job. I thought it could be a clean slate. I thought I could convince everyone I wanted to be here, and that I'm happy. I try so hard. I thought I was catching on and doing a good job. I thought I impressed everybody. That I was at least tolerated.

But I guess not. My review is coming up and I'm terrified of what its going to say. If it isn't good I'm leaving. I can't handle this. I was using all my energy to seem positive. I don't have any more to fake things with. I want to give up and just not try. What's the point if I can't even pretend to be happy.