I apologize in advance for how long this will be; I've never spoken about my anxiety struggles before and feel it could do me some good and possibly help someone else. 

I'm a 32/F Canadian - I have GAD, Panic Disorder and OCD. I've been in and out of talk therapy for over 15 years now and have had three different psychiatrists over the years as well. After finally receiving the GAD and OCD diagnosis (15 years ago), my psychiatrist prescribed me 5mg of Celexa. I only took it for a month before finding out my husband and I were expecting our 2nd child; I quit taking it the day I found out I was pregnant and quit going to therapy. And yes, I'm aware you're not supposed to stop taking SSRIs cold turkey, but I didn't care. I was only concerned about my baby. But dang, were those brain zaps awful!!
Anyway, two years later, my anxiety was terrible again. I developed this insane fear of seizures after ending up in the hospital due to what I thought was a seizure but thankfully turned out to be a panic attack. That's when I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder. I started having multiple panic attacks a day, thinking I was having seizures. I was in a constant state of fight or flight, and I couldn't leave my home at all. It was awful! I started therapy again and was re-prescribed Celexa along with Ativan for my panic attacks. Unfortunately, I never took either due to my anxiety. I have anxiety about taking medication and fear that SSRIs will cause a seizure because it's listed as a possible, albeit rare, side effect. With lots of therapy, keeping active, etc., I was able to get my anxiety back under control without the medication. Things were good for about five years.
Unfortunately, after our 3rd child was born, my concern got terrible again. I developed this fear of allergies and was constantly afraid of having a severe allergic reaction. I became very underweight because I was scared of food. I started therapy again, and I started seeing a dietitian. I also saw an allergist who confirmed my allergies but assured me I was not at risk of anaphylaxis. This helped my anxiety a little, but I was still afraid of most foods. After seeing my Psychiatrist for nearly two years and trying to convince me to retry medication, I finally agreed to Lexapro. Unfortunately, it took me a while to work up the courage to take it because I was terrified of seizures and being allergic to the medication. Anyway, I finally started taking it but stopped after only a week. I read a post on Reddit that someone had a seizure while on a low dose of Lexapro. This person supposedly never had a seizure before and wasn't on any other meds, alcohol or drugs. His doctor seemingly confirmed it was the Lexapro. So I stopped taking mine after reading his post. Fortunately, After being in therapy for a few years and seeing the dietitian, I was able to get my anxiety somewhat back under control, but I am still struggling. I definitely should be on medication, but I am too scared to give it a chance. I haaaaate anxiety. 
I've been on unpaid leave from work since the beginning of October because I work in healthcare, and I can't return to work until I'm fully vaccinated. I have tried to get it (Pfizer) on four separate occasions but ended up leaving due to panic attacks. I am terrified of having a severe allergic reaction to the vaccine. I have researched the covid vaccines and their ingredients and know that only 1 in 10k have severe reactions, but I can't get over this fear!! My doctor prescribed me 7 Ativan pills that are 0.5mg each, but I’m too afraid to take any. And yes, I'm aware that they can be addicting, etc. They are just to help me get vaccinated, hopefully. I do not drink, smoke, drink caffeine or do any drugs because I’m so terrified they’ll increase my anxiety, which I have experienced in the past from marijuana. I’ve only been drunk once in my life, and that was when I was 16.  Anything that makes me feel out of sorts, etc., intensifies my anxiety/panic, and I'm afraid of that happening with the Ativan. 


Aside from the 5mg of Celexa for a month and 2.5mg of Lexapro for a week, I've never taken any medication. I'm terrified, not knowing how Ativan will affect me because The only drug I ever use is occasional ibuprofen for menstrual cramps.

[Canadian Vaccine Stats](https://health-infobase.canada.ca/covid-19/vaccine-safety/)

TL;DR: I have severe anxiety and panic disorder and should be on medication, but I'm not because I'm afraid to take anything. Why is anxiety like this?!?! 

Please tell me about your experience with Ativan; what does it feel like? Is there anything else you can compare the feeling to? Did it help you?