I just can’t do it anymore. Everything hurts. I went to a psychiatric hospital a month ago got on medication. It’s just not getting better. I didn’t used to be like this. I just want it to stop. I come home from school every day and break down as soon as I am alone. But I’m always alone. I’ve only ever had one real friend and he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. My girlfriend left me because I am depressed and I was using drugs to mask my problems. People seem to really like me around when it’s convenient but nobody actually cares about me when I need support. Whenever anybody gets close they see me for who I am and leave. I’m so alone. She was my everything I would have died for her. I still would. But she hates my guts. She was the only person who has ever seen the good in me. And now she can’t see it anymore. I don’t know why nobody wants me in their life. I’m funny, good looking, and I’m smart. I should be so much happier than I am. I just don’t get why people don’t want me around. I’m so lonely. I’m so scared I’m developing schizophrenia from adolescent weed use. Last night I was sleeping and I woke up to my dad waking me up and handing me a cup of water only when I actually got up he disappeared. I then continued to experience auditory hallucinations, my mother yelling at me, pages of a book being turned rapidly, I started to think an evil spirit was attacking me at one point and I hid under my covers only for my covers to constrict around me. I couldn’t breathe for a few moments. The thing is I’m unsure if any of this actually happened while I was conscious. I only remembered it happening in the middle of the day which is something that would normally happen if I were having a dream. I just feel so helpless. Like I’m a slave to my own brain.