To give a little back story. I never have any fond memories of when I was truly content. I am currently twenty now with no will to live. I’ve been practically bullied all my life by my family and people from my school in the past. I eventually stopped being bullied by my family and was basically told to get over it. I feel anxiety every time I hear certain family members voices. My father passed away after a weight loss surgery. I didn’t really care all that much due to the fact that he was physically and verbally abusive to me, my mom and my two brothers. But my mom is also emotionally abusive to me. She would threaten things in the past like “if you don’t go to church with me I’m not taking you to work”. But that never stopped me from still doing things for her. She had a MS flare up last month which left her hospitalized. I and my aunt were the only ones there for her. She currently can’t work so I had to get a better job to pay all the bills. I’m trying to be sympathetic for her condition but it’s very difficult. I feel guilty when I think of just possibly leaving her and getting my own apartment because she can’t support herself but at the same time I’m mentally and emotionally drained. I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t I don’t know what to do. I feel numb and other times I feel depressed. The issue is I make more money vs my last job but not enough to even get my own apartment. I’d rather not eat at all and pay a higher rent just to get away from her. One of my older brothers moved out recently which is the main person who use to bully me. I pay all the bills including her car insurance phone bill. I can’t afford to support us both. I think about just ending my life everyday