Trying to make myself feel better by getting attention from guys. Know that it’s unhealthy. Getting a little attention = feel amazing for a bit. Then they find out I’m unstable and depressed and then they ghost me and it’s horrible because it just brings all that shit back. Where I feel like no one will ever love me. I’m unlovable. I just want to lock myself up in a box away from the world. I’m scared and hurt and I feel rejected and I want to self harm so bad but I haven’t because I’m in the hospital and I can’t - not because I’m admitted, because I’m a freaking doctor and how the fuck am I supposed to take care of people when I’m a fucking mess, why am I like this

I was dating a boy I thought I would marry, he left me in October because he couldn’t deal with my depression. I was depressed because a close friend I had known 8 years assaulted me when I was unconscious. I was hospitalized because I wanted to harm myself. My ex said he was traumatized and couldn’t deal

No one can deal and they just leave and I just want to leave me too

Why am I unlovable and unwantable, I try so hard and I just want someone to love me and not leave me why does everyone leave me I’m losing my mind please help