Everytime I do something I like or I want I always stop myself "would others think I look good" "do others find this weird" "what would my partner think"
And often it's over the most simplest things, like wearing my favourite shirt or picking food at a restaurant. 

I can't leave the house some days because I don't look attractive enough, and although I don't want to attract anyone but my partner I always think "I need to look good for the guys" "no one will hit on me" "no one will think I'm cute" I don't want to attract attention, I don't want anyone to hit on me but sometimes I need it? 

I am non binary and pansexual yet I don't dare tell many people because what if it's for attention.. what if they don't accept me 

I just want to be able to be me, go grocery shopping in casual wear.. buy the clothes I want.. go out when I want..

I hate that everything i do needs to be validated by someone else and I can't stop it and I hate it... I just want to be enough for myself