(21M)
I always thought i am a good student at physics and mathematics related subjects...but things started to get shaky after I've finished my country's prestigious board exam SSC(10th grade...2018) as a result even before the pandemic i was slowly losing grip from life...no life goals...no career goals nothing...i was just going with the flow barely passing exams with below average grade
then the pandemic happened and made things even worse
I completely stopped studying after May 2020...as a result my puny little brain got even more puny. I was playing video games 12-14 hours a day i thought yeah if i continue this i might have a chance in video games at least because you know the gaming industry is a growing force in society. I don't have any other glorifying skills like singing, dancing, painting, acting etc. My communication skill is as shit as it can be.  Let's get back to that gaming thing so yeah you guessed it correct i didn't achieved a single worthy thing. Plus during that period of gaming i gained a shit ton of weight (From 81 to 87kg... I'm 5'10).

So 2021 came...and i got into college/university whatever you want to say...Took computer engineering as my major and sucked hard with a horrible cgpa 0.99. I was understanding basically nothing in class...i failed in almost every exam and passing barely here and there. I dropped immediately after that semester i thought if i give myself sometime to think i might get a grip and control in life. So i started working out since march regularly didn't missed a single day till october (before fall semester)...

Like a normal person i thought i could redeem myself and start fresh as a college student again...now my finals is almost near in about 8-10 days. And I yet again didn't understand nothing, i think I'm gonna fail again with even horrifying grade.

I'm just wasting my parents money. They can't even say good things about their son in front of others. I can't face any of the  teachers or professors from my school (i was an above average student in school) because of my current situation.
I don't even know if i should stick with computer engineering or should I change college/university and try something else.
I'm afraid that i might screw up again and waste every cents my parents paying for me.

You know what the thing kept me going is my love for fitness...but now even that's not helping much... These days i just think if i die in my sleep that would be great...At least my parents won't have to waste money on a "Waste of space"

Thanks for reading 😁