I (f23) grew up 100% positive that my parents only had two kids - my younger brother (21) and myself. If anyone every said to me “hey, you have a sister”, I would have laughed it off called them crazy, so imagine my shock when my parents randomly tell us that we have a long-lost, hidden, sister. 

She is 36 and literally lives on the other side of the country. Apparently, my dad had a her when he was 16 and just wasn’t around for her, which angers me because my father was ALWAYS around for my brother and I and he and my mom have been married for over 30 years. I just keep asking myself things like “how could my father be a deadbeat? You would have had to kill him to take him away from us growing up!”.

Needless to say, I was shocked and hurt to say the very least. Supposedly, they kept it a secret because there was doubt on paternity as there were several possibilities but the DNA results came in about a month ago confirming a relationship. My parents both said that they were “protecting” us because my now sister’s mother was a lunatic who constantly made vicious threats and tried to break up their marriage. Also, my sister evidently had a really messed up life with alcohol and drugs, and since she was much older than I was, they didn’t want that influence around me. I can’t shake this sense of guilt that I have for having my father while my sister did not and struggled as a result. Either way, I’m disappointed in my father for not trying harder 30 years ago. 

On a positive note, I spoke to my sister on the phone and had the smoothest and most intellectual conversation with her for about 4 hours after finding out. She wants a relationship and I would want one as well, but I know it will take time. I am hopeful, though.  She did confirm that my father wasn’t lying about her mother being a scary person so that did help lessen a little bit of the anger I felt at my dad, but I still have a long way to go. 

I apologize for any emotional rambling as I haven’t really come to grips with it just yet. I feel like I handled it extremely well considering that I am a highly emotional person due to my diagnosis. I didn’t scream or storm out but I did cry. A lot. I’m getting married in 2 weeks and it was the worst time possible for me to hear this news but I’m glad it’s out now. 

If anyone has anything similar to share, I would love some tips and advice on where to go from here.