I don't know what love is. I once had a friend tell me it is easy to love people, but there are only 2 people I can definitively say I love: my mom and my younger sister. I have 4 siblings. I've reasoned in the past that I love the other three because I'd be sad if they died, but I can't help but think that that's not really what they meant by love. I find it hard to care if they are hurt when it's a consequence of their own actions, and I actively have to remind myself to connect with them and ask about their lives. This applies to my friends as well - I feel almost numb with the exception of one person (who I will say I love platonically).

Out of all the people I know, there are three I can say I love and understand what it means. I can't describe what it is or how it came to be, so I don't know how to "apply" love for other people. I sometimes feel like something is wrong with me because I don't understand.

I don't understand how boundaries work either. Is it some sort of "terms and agreements" that you establish? Are they flexible? How do people maintain them? I'm very confused about it as a whole.

I want to understand love and boundaries so I can have healthy and fulfilling relationships in the future. I just don't even know where to begin.