Oh boy. First time in my 23 years of life I have ever talked about any of my issues online, yet its where I basically live. Here is a short random bit of information about me.

I do not know who I am or what I want. I have had at LEAST 20 plus different jobs since I was 16, in all different fields. In fact I have gotten jobs that I was way under qualified for yet I knew exactly how to play the interviewer.

I have dedicated myself hardcore to multiple different religions and philosophies. So much so that I come out and tell everyone, only to switch a few weeks, sometimes days later.

I have weird sexual attractions.

I have tried so many ways to change and be stable, but nothing works.

I have bought and returned expensive items with Walmart and Bestbuy dozens of times because I want something better and different.

When I become focused on something, I have lazer focus beyond anything I have ever seen in someone else, very all or nothing.

I am unemployed right now.

I have felony charges pending for criminal tresspass and burglary.

I had a substance abuse issue, I say had because I can turn them on and off at my will when I want. I have had drinking issues, very recently in the past few months.. yet now I have zero desire to drink at all. 

I just dont know who I am.. I want to be normal, have a job, apartment, car and whatnot. Ive been given all the chances in the world by my parents yet every time I just end up failing.. even if I push and push and struggle and do everything right.. I eventually lose interest and start back at zero.

Throw in a bit of self harming, a suicide attempt or two, homicidal thoughts at one point, self admitting into the hospital and jail time.. and you have me.. ugh..

Anyway thanks for listening.. if you have similar issues let me know.

I speak to a psychologist within the week. I hope to start treatment soon.