I am 19 years old, in last 3 years I begin to hate my birthday, every year when I should be happy whit my family an friends I just want to go anyway and start to cry. I dont know why but also in different situations when I clearly know now I have to be happy I can't.

Also (a total different topic) when I was 14 years old I started to like boys, the next 2 years I thought it was just a phase because the way I thought was not the same as a "real bisexual" person, but now 5 years later I still would like to be together with a boy and can't explain why. Because deep in my head I know that this isn't real and I only make it up ( but again why). Its like that I can't trust myself because I never know why I am being honest to myself or not. Only this brings me to often stay awayke for hours lots of nights.