

I ain’t never been happy as a child but My life really started to take a downward turn after my senior year. When COVID hit I was isolated for 2 years without talking to anybody and it messed up my head and gave me social anxiety and made me lose my personality and ability to be funny. I promised my whole family I was gonna graduate on time but my dumbass failed 1 class and I had to go to summer school and do a summer school graduation with 8 niggas in it while everyone else went to Nassau Community for their graduation. Now everybody around me thinks I’m even more of a failure than when I was in school. Now I can’t go anywhere to college and I’m forced to go to Nassau community and take dumbass classes I have no passion for. I haven’t gone to any of my classes for 2 weeks cause I’m depressed asf and feel like it’s a waste of time and I feel like my life is going nowhere. I have no friends no bitch no nothing. I beat my meat anywhere from 3 to 5 times per day just to pass the time and somewhat pretend I have something going on for me in life. I used to have friends and was An MVP at like 3 sports but I got bullied out of it because a video of me getting my ass beat went viral and people kept throwing shit at me when I was walking in the hallways. If they cancel my financial aid or send a danger of failing letter to my house and my parents read it, I’m gonna buy some pills and take as many as I can and hope my body lets my soul go. I can’t do this shit anymore. On top of all that a repressed memory of mine came back to me. When I was a child my grandfather used to make me sit on his lap and I would feel a lump and he would tell me it was his keys. It feels like God set me up for suicide. Tomorrow I’m gonna jump off the roof of one of the buildings because my life feels like it’s a one way ticket to misery