*Added a TW because I am still a bit new to all of this and sometimes don’t realize I am saying something triggering, proceed with caution if you are in a delicate mental state - I mostly just talk about anxiety symptoms though*

I have always been an incredibly anxious person. Even as a kid. I had a not so cool childhood though, and my mother went through something traumatic while she was 8 months pregnant with me so I have more mental health issues than one. My anxiety has just kind of always been like a personality quirk and I just kind of accepted it as a fact of life. I also have ADHD and a lot of sensory issues that make everything even more confusing. (and make me ramble, so I apologize for the lengthy post)

Well, I am tired of it. I’m tired of jumping at my own shadow. The people I live with announce themselves so I don’t jump out of my skin when they come into the same room as me if it’s not obvious I heard them (out of the kindness of their hearts, I would never expect it). Even that sometimes will scare me. I’m tired of my mouth feeling raw from chewing the inside of it and my tongue being scalloped from clenching my teeth/jaw. I am sick of my stomach muscles being so sore because I tense my muscles even just laying down watching TV “relaxing”.

One of my biggest issues though is it is all I have ever known, so most of the time I don’t even realize I am anxious or am being negatively impacted and assume everything is perfectly fine. Something I read recently is part of what inspired me to post this. I’m sorry if this seems obvious, but it was not obvious to me and it helped me realize just how much anxiety was affecting me. 

I wish I had the link, I will try to find it, but it said something about people with certain mental health issues typically have a higher baseline of anxiety than most others without. That’s why when something minor happens, like my husband rolling up on me like a Prius in the kitchen, my anxiety goes from what I’m used to (exaggeration, but let’s say an 8 out of 10) to a 9 out of 10 sending my brain into instant panic mode. For someone with a baseline of anxiety of let’s say 2 out of 10, theirs would only jump to let’s say a 3 or a 4. 

This is the difference between:

“Oh, hey! I didn’t hear you coming, haha I almost spilled my coffee” 

and:

*vision sharpens/blurs, heart rate and blood pressure spikes, panic* *sometimes audible yells or yelps, physical jump/shake/etc.* “Oh my gosh I am so sorry I didn’t hear you, that scared me but it is not your fault!” (but if you grew up like me, you learned to know better than to spill anything) Sometimes I think it is because I am usually so hyper vigilant that if something slips by me or something unexpected happens my brain instantly goes to panic mode because it didn’t plan for it and doesn’t know what to do, but I digress. It all happens so fast too that I didn’t even realize I was experiencing all of the symptoms initially.

Okay, now I’m starting to feel like I’m just preaching to the choir, but I have a difficult time feeling like people don’t fully understand how bad it is because, to be honest, even I thought feeling like this was perfectly normal until a few years ago. I will say, I am on a great medication regimen at the moment that I can’t really mess with for now, and I am working on finding a therapist I vibe with so I am seeking and receiving medical help.

I guess my main point of posting was to hear other people’s experiences. If you have any tips for identifying and/or coping with it as well, even better!

Thank you in advance, I know it can be difficult to comment or know what to say, so I appreciate you even just reading this far! Have an awesome day!