After a lifetime of unconscious living driven by a self-hating fragile ego, I have realized I have to change drastically. 
The problem is I can't be sure if I can truly become a decent person due to constant doubts about my sincerity. 
I've been on autopilot most of my life and burned every bridge possible and am currently in a "dark night of the soul" phase. 

Is my desire to change only out of necessity due to my circumstances and simply a mechanism of my people pleasing/chameleon workings? 

I'm afraid I've reached a point where I've corrupted myself beyond repair and that any life purpose I can conjure up is just a way to feed my toxic ego. 