Just to clarify, I am not diagnosed with BPD, however I strongly suspect I suffer from it due to my symptoms (strong fear of abandonment, splitting, etc).

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and for the most part, it’s been a good relationship - loving and communicative. A few months back we were going through difficult times caused by both of our mental issues, which culminated in me going through a massive episode while he was out with a friend. I was drinking, self harming, frantically reaching out, all while he was indifferent. It was by far the worst mental state I had been in and the worst incident our relationship has had to endure. After countless conversations, we are finally in a better place.

However, I still get insanely triggered whenever my boyfriend goes out with that particular friend. It makes me physically sick, I can’t get away from flashbacks and nightmares about that night and the only thing I’m able to do is lie in bed and cry for hours, trying desperately not to self harm. I don’t know what to do, because the only coping mechanism I can think of is pushing my boyfriend away for the time he’s with the friend and cutting him off, but that obviously hurts him. Is there anything I can do, even temporarily, to deal with this? Any advice?