I think my landlord came in a few months ago to fix something without telling me. I realized today that it’s fixed, and from pictures on my phone I know it was this year before may. And of course it’s stressful that he would come in while im not home. But the worst part is, what was the state of my house when he did come? There are moments where my room is so messy I can fill 2 trash bags of just random stuff on the floor, like bottles and wrappings. And my clothes are absolutely everywhere. Yes maybe he came in after I had randomly cleaned. But what if he didn’t? I’m feeling so embarrassed about it that I wanna cry. I can’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t eat at all today. I probably will move away and try to keep my next house clean so this doesn’t happen. But I just can’t believe this happened. What if he had to walk on all of my underwear on the floor and the takeout bags and the empty cans of fizzy water. It makes me wanna throw up. This is literally my worst nightmare, someone seeing my house when its that messy. I feel like this is the wake up call I needed, but it also makes me feel so fucking embarrassed I don’t know what to do with myself. Of course now I’ve cleaned up and I’ll try harder to keep it clean. And my landlord also didn’t mention this at all so I guess it couldn’t have been that bad? I dont know. But I’m just not doing well right now.