There’s this girl I know. I met her this year.

I’m a Senior and she’s a Junior (she’s 17, I’m 18). We only have lunch together during the day, and nothing else, so I only get to see her for like half an hour each day. Our school is broken into a day schedule. So, at the start of the year, on A days, we had lunch together, and on B days, we didn’t. Then, after the semester break, her schedule got switched around and we had lunch together on both days.

We started to get closer and started to bond over some things. We have a pretty big outing coming up together. We went to the movies once on our own and once with her friends and we’ve gone to dinner together. I think I have a crush on her. Almost every time I try to make plans with her, she ghosts me the night before our plans and the whole day of our plans and then either tries to reschedule or just flat out cancels on me. Its been really messing me up. She says she’s busy, and I’m trying not to make her feel bad for having things come up, but it’s really messing with me, because every time it happens I go into a spiral thinking about how she actually hates me, doesn’t really want to spend time with me, etc etc.

When we do go out, she says she feels bad about having me pay for everything, so then we change our plans until after her paycheck hits. But then, when we actually go out, she suddenly tells me that she spent all her money that morning and asks for me to pay. Which I don’t really care, I enjoy paying for things for people. It’s just starting to get a bit upsetting to have her imply that she’s gonna help pay and then suddenly not—like if she doesn’t want to pay, I don’t mind, but I’d just rather her be up front about it.

She got her B day schedule changed and now we only have lunch together on A days and I’m trying really hard not to be offended by it. I KNOW it’s not about me, but still part of me is still upset that she did it.

Also, she knows I have a crush on her, I told her that and she said she was okay with it. Sometimes she acts like she likes me back, but then she always tells me about all her crushes and how she kisses one of her friends, and posts videos of her kissing her friend and her friend touching her, etc etc.

I kept going back and forth where, when I’m with her or talking to her, I absolutely adore her, but when I’m not with her anymore, I can only see all the bad stuff. Or she does or posts something and it pisses me off so bad that I completely lose interest in her, and then the next day she texts to check in on me and I’m absolutely head over heels for her again. And I place so much weight on whether or not I get her attention to the point that if I don’t get any attention from her, I feel like I’m having a shitty day.

I’ve told my other friends and my sister about her and they all say that she is behaving kinda weird and that I should probably just kinda back off and let myself find someone else. But it’s so hard to. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want her to be my FP I just want her to be my friend.