So in my last relationship my ex and I had problems but they were very small and I mostly let him be if he wanted to hang around friends even if I didn't like them or have a day to himself. I could have definitely been worse in how I acted towards his friends but I mostly just thought they were a bad influence and I wanted to trust him. It didn't help that he eventually chose them over me and I broke up with him after we would only hang out once every couple weeks and I found out he was trying to get with three different girls. (He would act like me hanging out with him and his friends would be a problem but other girls would hang out with them too). Anyways, it didn't take long for me to move on from him because after only a couple weeks I got with my current boyfriend. I thought everything was so much better because he would actually want to hang out with me and made me feel so special, saying I saved his life because he had been single for two years prior and just wanted someone to love him. But then he started openly talking about wanting to fuck other girls and saying girls had "phat asses" is school and after my relationship before him I guess it really dragged my self-image down to where I feel like I'm just not good enough for anybody. My boyfriend has changed his perspective a lot after considering how I felt but I am still VERY on edge when he's around girls who I know by now that he'd be checking out. Like I get physically sick thinking about him working with certain people or being around certain friends because of how they act and my fear of how he acts when I'm not around. He's made it clear that it's easy to go behind my back and lie to me about things and it's just so hard to trust him even though he swears he's not up to anything. Because of this I like to be with him wherever he goes and we have a lot of arguments about our relationship being "unfair." He has bad memory problems and whenever I bring up something he'd done that hurt me he says he doesn't remember and blames it on him not thinking I would really last with him but in my mind it really contradicts the whole "you saved me" stuff he told me in the beginning. Our morals are just a bit different I guess and I'm concerned that I've caused my anxiety that has taunted me for years to turn into acute paranoia and I don't know how to fall back from this. I am trying to be better, as I'm trying to keep a positive mind-set and generally trying to trust by looking at things in a different perspective than my own. But in the end I get so drained and feeling like I'm going to throw up or faint from the anxiety and being confused by his actions and his words that I don't know what to do. I'm sorry this was long and some of it was probably unnecessary, but I feel like maybe someone could not be a dick for once and really give me advice..