Over the past few weeks, depression has definitely gotten the worse of me as the weather gets colder and things in my life haven’t been great.

For work, I work as a consultant at a pretty large firm. Things were going pretty well professionally, but with my first project recently being done, I’m back on the “bench”, meaning I have to actively apply internally for roles. However, even with all the networking and applying I have done, there have been no available opportunities. Every day is extremely discouraging, and even with my first project going well and me having additional trainings, it’s day after day of rejections. 

Meanwhile, I’m lonelier than ever in my personal life. My relationship with my boyfriend has been on the rocks. He’s been extremely distant over the past few weeks- rarely making plans or even texting first, taking hours to respond to my texts, and being bored/disinterested even when we do spend time together. We used to spend nearly every day together, now it’s two-three times a week at best where he’s distracted. I’ve brought this up several times to him and absolutely nothing has changed, so I stopped mentioning it. It’s heartbreaking because I love him but I can sense him falling out of love with me and there’s nothing I can do about it. He knows I am depressed and is apathetic towards it- even when I have been a support system for him in emotionally rough times for him. 

It doesn’t help that I live alone and in a city far away from all my family and friends. I have made a few friends in the city, but no one I’m “best friends” with since everyone is too busy. Because my support system is so limited, and my boyfriend is so distant, loneliness has been crippling for me. And I don’t even have work to distract me.

It sucks that I feel like I have no one to talk to about how low I feel. When I do reach out to people, they’re apathetic and it feels like I’m burdening them. I have a good job and a boyfriend so I should be happy right? Even as both of those things fall apart as I speak?

I truly get tired of waking up every day, knowing i’m just set up for more and more disappointments every day. I want to be positive but I’m losing my patience to do so. I’m just so sad. I just want one good thing to happen. Just one person to care.