I swear to God 2 weeks I started hitting my low point again. Im never hungry so I don't eat. Or I'm hungry and I just don't eat. I've lost 14 pounds. I'm already pretty small and now it's just unhealthy. 

I stopped talking to every single person outside of family and work. 

I wake up thinking it's not worth it. I go to sleep crying. I sit in my car and cry. I cry in the bathroom at work and on break. I just fucking cry all the time.

I've had two big things happen to me this week that broke my heart. I can't lose anything else. I don't even know what I have left. I just know I'm fucking struggling with it all. I know logically it will all pass but in my head right now I don't even believe that. 

I'm putting myself in bad situations. I'm hurting myself.

Just, I don't know if I'll ever find me again because I've always been lost but this time I just feel like a piece of my heart and soul is just lost forever. I want to talk to people about it. Even a stranger. Just someone. Every single person I've opened to because they BEGGED me to, just fucking ditches me after they end up being ok. Every time they called, I answered. I went over to visit them every single time and when they know I'm ok, they just stop talking to me. I don't get it. 

It's not true but I feel like this is basically my whole life. I'm either not good enough or I mess it up. Either way hurts.

Just over it. Want to give up. I don't see any reason to even try