I'm 24 and I have no friends, only some online but it's not the same.

I havent nor had jobs, only some training. I have no driver license because I get anxiety thinking to drive.

Thinking about life makes me so depressed and what I do is just crawl in my anorexia...it's the only thing that makes me live right now and i feel in control, nothing can stop me from losing.

I feel like there is no hope for me. Everything sucks, I have no strenght at all, no desires, no hobbies. I feel a completely useless human who deserves to die. I shouldntt have born, and today I yelled at my mom that they shouldnt do me. I blamed them every mental illness I have now because they didn't notice and acted before it's now too late. I feel shit. I WANT TO TIDEEEEEEEEEPJFOIEJUGPIU THIS LIFE FUCKING SUCKS I DONT WANT ANYTHING IM LITERALLY CRYING EVERYDAY AND LAYING AT BED.

I still have traumas about being bullied since i was a child. I fear going out, it makes me feel discomfort and i cant wait to comehome again. Even though I appreciate good people and caring ones, I feel so much anxiety from it...

I wish I was normal, I could talk normally, I could live normally, not having anxiety, not caring, having the will power, having energy to do something. Having passions, hobbies, something to live for. I wish i wans't trans, I wish I could be cis and live a normal life like everyone, be in relationship with someone, experience what all teengers do, sex, kissing, hugging, cuddling. Now I'm an adult lacking with all this and I fucking miss all of this. I wasted my youth being bullied and isolated from anyone, now I will die in my parents house, starving myself because I can't even appreciate my body. I want to stop being in this hell. I want to quit i reaallly do i really cant anymore, every thing someone says to me it's far away from myh potentials, i can't look for jobs, i can't talk to someone, i cant do nothing....

Thinking about my future makes me so anxious I cant do it, I only want to keep living reaching a goalweight that is way underweight and maybe maintain it just to have some control. or maybe just fucking die