I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs. I’m just here taking it all in with no way to escape. It’s getting unbearable just existing and being in my head. I enjoy nothing. And am able to work towards nothing because of that. For the past 3 years I have been seriously considering suicide off and on. I rather not transfer suffering to those who care about me just because they are associated with me. 

My question is what can I do to avoid being present. I’m open to any ideas including drugs. Anything that will get me out of my head even if it makes me a shell of myself. It’s either that or I eventually take my life