Today I read that people with blood type A have more of a chance needing hospitalization, or worse.  Both my mother and I are type A.  She is the only person I couldn't get over losing.  I'm in the methadone clinic, tapering down... But we are made to go in to get our dose every. single. day.  Its crowded, and they are not taking proper precautions.  Its bad.  No, I can't stop going.  You get so sick and for so long, that alone would probably kill me... Unless I started using heroin again, its not an option.  I have health issues, one of the reasons I was using opiates in the first place.  I have chronic pain.  I have a weak immune system.  I'm still taking antibiotics for fucking cellulitis I get repeatedly.  I had to go to urgent care, twice, during this outbreak.  
I feel like I'm just sitting around, waiting to get sick.  I am afraid that I will infect my mother.  I'm so afraid of getting sick and dying slowly.  I'm starting to feel suicidal; At least I could do it in a way with minimum pain, and my mom wouldn't be at risk from me.  I have depression issues, anxiety/paranoia, ptsd, addict in recovery as mention... Struggling with my eating disorder again... I just don't know if I can do this, or if I want to do this.  I don't mind isolation; I live that way anyway, borderline agoraphobic.  Fucking leaving the house is the problem... And this fucking clinic is a joke.  We were pressed together in line today.  I stood between an elderly man, and someone who was coughing constantly.  No one came to give him a god damn mask.  He tried to stifle it, because people looked like they were about to actually murder him... But he couldn't control it.  People were yelling... I thought there was going to be a riot.  
If I do get sick, and it gets bad, I don't want to take up a hospital bed.  And I can not survive without my mom.  I don't have friends, I don't have a relationship, the only other family I really have contact with is a mentally/emotionally abusive father.  I don't want to be stuck, alone, with him.  
I just don't know if I can do this, especially when there is a way out.  I don't want to hurt my mom... but I don't want to get her sick/killed even more.