I don't know what to do. I've spent my whole night crying and panicking with no one to talk to because they're all busy hanging out and having fun without me. I impulsively wrote a suicide note, with the full intention of finally leaving this world, I don't know what stopped me in the moment, maybe the thought of leaving my mother behind, but the intent is still there. 


I'm starting to get depressed again. The most important person in my whole life has abandoned me, as of last week and I can't do anything about it. I need them in my life so much and we have gone through so much together. He said he needed time to 'heal' and that we'd be friends in the future, but I really can't cope with this, and honestly I bet his life is better without me in it.


I've been truly ignored tonight by my closest friends. I've been trying to cry out to them for help but no response as of yet and it's currently 4 am. I'm at a loss and quickly am losing the will to live. If I cry out for help too much, I'm seen as guilt-trippy and manipulative, even if I phrase that I need help in the nicest way possible. These friends mean the world to me and I don't think they understand how much I'm struggling and suffering right now. I wish they did.


This isn't how I want to live, constantly in fear of upsetting everyone around me and being scared of myself and my emotional instability, and mostly being unable to cope with being on my own.


I just need advice, really... The mental health support in my area is really shit and is honestly just making me so much worse. I feel like theres nothing I can do to help my situation.
