I’m in a long distance relationship and deadset thought of my partner as being the love of my life and my entire future. She is the kindest, most loving person and I’m head over heels in love with her. Distance has been hard and I definitely feel like I detach to deal with the pain of being away from her so I can continue on with my life and function okay. I got really drunk last week and hooked up with someone else. I’m trying to go over my thought processes at the time but it’s so blurry and I don’t know why I didn’t stop myself. I told my partner and we’re broken up as she’s trying to process. I don’t know what’s wrong with me... I’ve always thought I’m a better person than that but I’m beginning to wonder if I’m just a bad person. I keep struggling with my thoughts and trying to resolve that I am human and I’m a good person and I can be a good partner but I’m struggling to be okay and I feel sick to my stomach constantly. My partner / ex partner is really hurt by me which I completely get. I want to prove I can be a good partner but I’m so lost and I don’t want to hurt her more by trying to make things work and putting her through the pain and effort of rebuilding trust again. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what the right thing is to do. I just want to love her and for her to be happy but I’m so confused