I legitimately hate my life. I have worked so hard to become a better person. It always feels like no matter how hard I've tried, it's never enough.

I hate my impulsive behaviors. It's literally impossible for me to ignore my impulses. I can't do it even though I want to. I don't know what to do. I hate social media so much. I always am told to leave, but it's the only way I can make friends. People in real life are really mean to me, and I'm scared to open up to them.

I don't know what to to. My head says I should take my life, and as days go by I listen to those things more and more. I've thought about making plans about it, but I can't think of something that would be as quick and painless as using guns (I'm scared of guns so). I just feel like I've wasted most of my time after graduating 4 years ago just sitting around and being incapable of doing things. My health has been very poor and isn't getting much better. I'm not sure what to do.