I can't do it. I have one fucking bar by my house so it's where I go almost every single day and for the 2nd day in a row a bartender has talked shit on me in front of other patrons and employees and just made fun of me and I can't. I felt so fucking good about myself yesterday. And 5 hours later it was all back to shit. Why am I here? Why do I have to fucking love like this. Why can't I just be normal and not a fucking joke or pathetic piece of shit to everyone. I'm trying to use dbt skills I'm trying to check the facts I'm trying to be mindful I'm trying to do opposite action but none of it fucking helps. I'm just destined to be this fuckup until the day I muster up the courage to end it all. God I'm so mad that yesterday I finally realized I like who I am I like myself no I'm not the funniest or hottest or coolest or most talented or whatever but I was **enough**. And then the world or god or whatever the fuck shit on me and put me back in my place. At the bottom. Not deserving of anything. 

the formatting on this probably sucks and I'm sure I'll get doenvotrd to shit like all the other fucking posts I make here and delete when I realize nobody cares because why would they.