I am just really, really, really tired. I turned 21 and I feel like I'm supposed to be more put together than this. I am struggling with trying to heal and overcome the fact that I was &gt;!groomed!&lt; ; the fact that I struggle with OCD, and sheer, utter terror of being abusive and toxic and as mean and hurtful as the people that have wound up hurting me - that is, if I'm not ruminating as to whether or not what happened to me should even be impacting me this much. I feel like a burden on everyone I know, and I wish I could just withdraw from everyone because then their lives would be drastically easier, I feel like.

I wish I could go back in time to 14, 15, warn my younger self of these things. 18, so I could enroll in counseling a lot earlier - 19, so I could come to the conclusion of what happened to me a lot sooner.  


I'm just tired of existing.