

i'm tired. so, so tired and so scared. i'm terrified of being stuck with this life. my best friend is myself and so is my worst enemy. so many people here know me, but they won't ever understand me. and i'm not even sure if they really like me. i'm not sure if my own boyfriend truly loves me as he says because i don't trust myself to be accepted and loved in any capacity. i'm so afraid that this "love" you think you have is for whoever that might be here now, but won't be here in the future. i'm scared you'd fall in love with someone else, someone way better than me. i'm scared we will end up like my family where even eating a meal takes up so much in me.

everything is a mess in my head and nobody wants to sort it out for me. hell, i don't even want to sort it out myself. it's so painful to wake up every morning and realize i'm still stuck in this life. i'm sick and tired of false promises, disappointment and empty words from the people around me, and sick of disappointing everybody myself. i'm sick of feeling guilt for the things i have done and not done, sick of never being able to stand up and fight for what's right, fight for myself. sick of how things are so crazy i can't tell between right and wrong anymore. sick of being painfully different. sick of living like hell's on earth.

i wish i won't wake up tomorrow.