I was on disability for 6 years. I worked part-time on and off. I went back to work in a very demanding program starting a new career and while I’m excited, I feel absolutely exhausted. I went from having a lot of free time to absolutely 0 time to myself. It’s only been 3 weeks and I’m feeling exhausted. I’m happy for myself because I’m picking up old goals and dreams I let die. However, I have moments when I feel like maybe I am in over my head and being too ambitious. 

Also, I’ve been ruminating about all of the things I have missed out on in the past decade like building a career, buying a house, etc. I’m 35 and I raised 3 kids (19, 21, 14 yr old) and they turned out great so at least I have that going for me. I just feel like I’m trying to play catch up and there’s not enough time for me to catch up. I hate myself for squandering so many years away due to this illness. I feel like there’s not enough time to get where I need to be to where I’m not going to be destitute in old age. I don’t know, I’m just having weird mixed feelings of happiness, sadness, excitement, and exhaustion. Anyhow, if you made it this far thanks for listening.