A few weeks ago while I was with my boyfriend I noticed a women’s tote bag at his apartment and confronted him about it, freaking out. It turned out - it was one of his sisters. I still kept thinking about it though, having doubts in the back of my mind and questioned him about it throughout that weekend. I just couldn’t bring myself to stop, my anxiety was getting the best of me and the thoughts kept creeping back. He has lied to me occasionally about small stuff, which made me have doubts sometimes. Another thing he did that bothered me, was that he would go out until 2-3 AM in the morning on certain weekends with his friends, and not text me that evening until the next day. And he would do this repeatedly even though I told him that this caused me anxiety.

I’ve been cheated on before and I just don’t want to ever feel that way again. He got super defensive and I apologized about the jacket thing and I thought he let it go, then a couple nights after that he attempted to break up with me. He said that that he kept thinking about the situation, and how it was so uncalled for and a side of me he’s never seen, and it made him fearful to move forward.

I asked him if he would take more time to think about it, that it was just one that weekend and we’ve had so many good ones since we’ve met each other at the beginning of this year. I told him I’m willing to work on whatever he sees fit. I know that my trust issues are a concern and I’m in therapy for them every week and I’m working on being a better partner. To be honest, I didn’t really realize how much it was affecting him until we had a conversation about it, and I really wanted him to give me the chance to change now that I’m aware of it. I told him I will be so careful and cognizant of it from now on. 

I was falling in love with him and I would’ve been be willing to do anything to make it work. I feel terrible for pushing him away because I was scared of getting hurt.

We spent a few days together after we had that conversation and then he went Home for Labor Day weekend. I was super careful during this time to give him some space and not text so much, but at the same time I made sure to tell him that I miss him and that I’m excited to see him when he gets back. However, when he got back to town he told me he needed to talk and ended up asking me for a break in the relationship. I told him I don’t think a break would be a good idea, but I would be willing to see him less if that’s what he wants.. He then broke up with me, saying that he’s not ready to make a commitment right now and that he is not able to put in 100% effort into this relationship. He said at the very least he needs some space away to be single so he can figure out what he wants because he keeps having doubts. He didn’t make it about my anxiety like the first break up, this second break up was all about his commitment issues, which I know he has because I was his first relationship in eight years. I guess I should’ve seen it as a red flag. However I keep going back to the fact that the whole jacket thing was  probably the catalyst to all of this. I miss him so much and I guess I’m just sad because the first several months of our relationship were incredible until this happened. I feel like everything was my fault but I don’t understand how this could have imploded our relationship whenever I was so adamant to him that I am working on it and showed him the proof. Heartbroken because I just really wanted us to work.