And I don't know what to do with myself. He's both my boyfriend and my fp and we do everything together, he's so sweet and caring and understands me better than anyone. He left to visit his brother in another city, we should've went together but in the last minute his brother texted him to "come alone" which rly hurt me. We don't know each other very well since he lives 5hrs from us and we just met once before on their family gathering where he completely ignored me. I know from fps stories that his brother is very closed off person so I didn't think much about it. But now I feel like he hates me for no reason and it's really weighing on me. I feel like I'm not worthy of even trying to meet me/talk to me.  I managed not to freak out when I found out he'll go without me but I'm internally screaming.
I also have some ED related issues and this is fueling them more then ever. Some dark sh thoughts coming into my mind too. I honestly don't know how I'll stay sane till the end of the week.
Sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes, English is not my native language.