I hate how I overthink absolutely everything no matter how trivial 

I hate how I feel like I’m being judged all the time

I hate how I feel embarrassed all the time 

I hate my fear of embarrassment 

I hate how I never take any risks in life as I simply don’t have the balls

I hate how awkward I am, particularly around girls. I hate how I can’t maintain a conversation with anyone

I hate how I messed up my GCSEs, A levels, and first year at university

I see my friends have girlfriends and get with girls, something I can’t do, and it gets to me. It makes me feel so unwanted and just shit about myself, like what’s wrong with me? 

I’ve been told my whole life that I’m a good looking person, which makes it even worse as to why I can’t get with girls, because it’s clearly just how I am as a person

I’ve fallen out with most people from my hometown (I’m at uni at the moment) and spent a whole year (just before I left for university) on my own smoking weed with no friends like a loser 

I’ve got social anxiety, making it so hard to make friends as I’m so unbelievably scared of not being able to get a conversation going, ultimately leading to an awkward silence. 

Because I don’t ever rlly get with girls, when I do, my mates make a big deal over it, which makes me feel even more embarrassed

I haven’t made any real friends at university, and am beginning to fall out with people more often, I can’t tell if it’s me who is the problem

I hate how I smoke weed everyday when it makes me feel like shit (anxious paranoid etc) yet still can’t quit as I have no self control

I hate how monotone and lifeless my voice is, and how i have such little empathy for others even when I know I should (I just can’t help that I don’t feel it). Im just a boring bland emotionless robot

I genuinely can’t see myself ever having a partner, I don’t have to balls to talk to any girls, don’t know how to flirt, can’t keep a conversation going, never really had sex and I’m nearly 20 so that’s another thing that’s embarrassing as fuck

I just hate the state of my life at the moment, the decisions I’ve made in the past and just the way I am as a person, an awkward, mentally unstable freak with an addiction