TW: Abuse
I (15m) was diagnosed with depression since  Spring of 2021. I had recently gotten out of a pretty abusive household, and it haunts me still. My older brother would constantly belittle me, and my mom would do nothing about it. He punched me a lot, mom did nothing to stop it. He would grab my private parts and call me a fag, mom did nothing about it.

After I left the household, I pretty much have 0 social life, 0 motivation to actually try in school, and it feels like nobody cares about me. I have one friend, although I can’t see them much, that I talk to on a daily basis.

However, my crippling social anxiety makes it IMPOSSIBLE to socialize, even with friends. I’m always worried that people see me as weird, or a monster, or annoying, something like that.

I just don’t see the point in actually doing school. I work to get into a better school. I then work for a useless degree in some field, getting myself into thousands of dollars of debt. Then I work for a better job/position. With tiny bits of happiness in the form of socializing inbetween, which I cannot even get bc of my anxiety.

All I do is go to school, and come home. Nobody makes an effort to reach out to me, ever. On the RARE occasion that someone does, I don’t know how to talk to them.

I fucking hate living like this. I’m not constantly depressed 24/7, but I’m never happy. I just go in and out of depressive this that are 2 or so months long. Even when I’m not in an episode, I don’t feel happy.

What did I do to deserve this? Why am I so horrible that 99% of people ignore my existence, or they just judge me all the time. And I don’t even know if they are judging me. I feel like I’m going crazy.

I can’t even talk to a therapist either because of my trust issues. Plus, I don’t want to worry my Dad &amp; Stepmom. They have enough going on in their lives, no time for my shit.