Complicated, but easy at same time. Well, i have good and bad moments at life like all of you, movies, songs, friends and etc. On same time, with music, friends (and etc) i have 1 bad story that remove good one or neutralize it. I give simple example. I like to play osu, or at least try to, and there is a lot of maps of course. One of them from anime "**No Game No Life"**, and i have one of my old "friend" (hope can call she like that), that being depressive, with really angry parents, suicidal thoughts, and so on. What do you think? When i hear it - i instantly remind about her, her stories, her tears... I saw and talk to so many people in my small age, and about **70% of this contacts** \- **bad**. Doesn't matter is that a parent story, school, incest... I can't cry anymore at all, i can't throw it away, i can't do anything because my negative thoughts that i CANT  suppress in my head. World not hard. World is supress YOU by negative, and our mind also want it (i mean you read this post, so you want it). Also, recently i "find" sense of life, that i never hear before from anyone around me. Our brain want dophamine and make it in cosmical doses. Any way - he need it. If he get happiness not enough - it start slowly remind you about it, so you start searching: 

1. Easy way to  stop it
2. Drugs-Alchocol-Ciggarets
3. Replace it with another feeling, like pain. 

Beside this, there is 3 types of people:

1. They can supress it and live
2. They can't, start smoke or drink
3. (like me) Just think suicidal thoughts, maybe even do one of them

So... Yeah, even if i want, i can't restore myself, my life and brain. Type fanfictions - not work. Being horny and supress it by it - not either. Do something - No. Sleep - No dreams / i being killed. No fucking way out.