I hate how much of a pushover I am when it comes to my fp. A part of me is convinced I'm being played while another part can't believe she'd do that. She's married but says she'll leave her wife in five years for me. I hate knowing this will only hurt me. I wonder if that's not why I'm in a relationship with her, just another form of self harm. I want to cut so bad. My fp is supposed to be watching her nieces. I keep being left to watch them. She asked if it's a problem and I say no not at all. It tears me up knowing shes  out with her wife.  Part of it is I want to smoke with her but know I probably won't. I feel like I keep being left out, like I'm the last one thought of. I'm so afraid of hurting her that I won't even think of talking to another woman. I'm so loyal that once she said she wanted to be my girlfriend I left the person I was with. She's already slept with her wife within the time we've been together, and yes we've been together. I'm so jealous of her wife, I'm worried she'll sleep with her again. Then I wonder what right do I have being the other woman.