Last January I got a depersonalization episode unlike any other. I got super anxious, slept over at a friend house, got racing images/thoughts that disturbed me when I closed my eyes (I think it might be ocd since I also have that but not sure), and just could not go to sleep. I was extremely panicked. The insomnia lasted over 2 weeks. 

The other night, I was wide awake at my bff’s house. I was not sober but rarely get drunk/do drugs so i was just excited. But my friend is used to doing those things occasionally so she was ready for sleep. I wasn’t and was suddenly afraid I won’t sleep. So I got really really anxious, got flashing disturbing images again (even scarier than last year), and didn’t sleep.

The next morning (yesterday) she gave me half a Xanax and I slept for 6 hours (but I grinded my teeth rly bad which I never do). Fast forward to the next day (this morning), I have still been unable to sleep due to anxiety and fear of ending up like last year.

I am now dissociated and feel really different and change makes me really scared (the state of America rn is making it worse), I feel like I don’t make sense when I speak, that I process words slowly, and have brain damage or something went wrong with me.

I don’t feel tired at all and that worries me. My best friend is sound asleep next to me and I wish I was doing the same. I now feel really unstable and unsure of myself and feel like I’m gonna have chronic insomnia or sleep disturbances and that it won’t resolve this time. That I’ll have to rely on medication forever and have organ damage or sleepwalk and do something bad in my sleep from the sleep aids due to sleepwalking etc. so many anxieties and I can’t stop them.

I’m really scared I’ll forget how to sleep or something. I don’t know how to stop these thoughts and I just feel so different. I hate feeling like I don’t know myself or what I should really be feeling or how to feel calm and I’m scared. I just really need reassurance and support and hopefully someone that relates and has a remedy for being so irrational 😞