I'm a quiet type BPD, and when I get mad at someone or am in a bad mood, I just give everyone the cold shoulder and kind of shut myself off from everyone. I feel a very intense hate for almost everything even if it was just one person who really pissed me off, and it takes a lot to actually get to me.

This happened to me a couple days ago with my parents after something that didn't have to be a big deal, but for some reason really got to me and I had enough. I'm 21 and I know I should be above this with my parents, but they're close to me of course, and probably like many other of us, the closest to me are the ones I can be the coldest to when I switch or get pissed off.

Today I'm here at work thinking about it all morning and feeling really bad about it like I have before afterwards. I feel like I can't control impulsively hurting those closest to me, not physically of course. I've done this many times before and I truly hate myself for it. Now at this point I feel like I'm slipping into depression again, which is even worse for the situation. Nothing I do makes sense and it's like it's so innately out of my control. I don't want to be like this, but I don't know how to change.

Anyone else like this? Any ways to self help and help those I hurt?