lord I do this way too much and i hate it so much. I'm a 21M and I have no idea how to communicate how I feel anymore. When I was in year 8 (around 13-14 years old) I got sent to school therapy, my first  therapist was so amazing and kind to me, she used to get me out of classes and send me home when I wasn't feeling it (admittedly I did take advantage of being sent home sometimes haha)

 But then she left for maternity leave and never came back, as a replacement I got my head of year (dont know the equilivent in america) but she was horrible she was not qualified in any way and she basically just said, suck it up and do your work so much so that my parents went up to the school to complain. 

Ever since that moment almost 7 years ago now, I still cannot go to a therapist taking them seriously or hating every single second of it. To me therapists are there to just pay and listen. So when I didn't do therapy I used my dog as therapy up until a few months ago when she sadly passed away, now that I have no resources, I have no choice but to bottle up all my emotions and eventually have a mental breakdown every few weeks. 

I just feel incapable to be a normal person, I have been raped twice as a gay male one at 17 and another at 18. I have relationship issues where I can't communicate with my amazing boyfriend how I feel and he doesn't understand why I get angry or frustrated all the time (hes the laid back kinda guy, i wish i could be that way!) 

&amp;#x200B;

what do i do, i feel helpless ;(