Hi all hope you’re doing well and coping. Like the title says I haven’t been here for a while and really was starting to do better but today is the day where I’m feeling like I’m starting to fall apart…

I can go on for hours why I used to feel depressed but I’m telling myself that that chapter in my life is over and I’m not looking back.  I’m not too sure what to do or say so I’m thinking to just rant a little about the things that are weighing me down and making me feel this way. 

Firstly there has been lots of death in the family, I’ve lost my nan, cousin and aunt in the space of 5 days. Throughout the funerals most of my family were falling apart and I took on the role of being the strong one of the family. I bottled up so many things and it’s gotten to the point where I really struggled to show and deal with my emotions. 

Secondly, I’m struggling financially. I’m currently In training with work however it’s taking much longer than I expect and I’m getting really anxious about money and have lost my confidence and pride in myself. (without a job I don’t feel like a real man or adult) 

Thirdly. My girlfriend. She has been struggling with her mental health for the past few months and I’ve been the piller for her to lean on but recently she’s been having breakdowns daily and wants to be by my side 24/7. I’m ok with being there for her but at this moment in time I’m just exhausted of everything. I’ve given her the best advice I could and have suggested her seeing a therapist to help her cope however she keep saying she’s got anxiety about if she truly loves me then anxiety about having that thought as it’s “not real”… Kinda hurts to hear tbh

Fourthly, my father… bless him he’s in such physical pain and is dealing with depression of his own. There’s lots of history there but to summarise he is a alcoholic with ptsd and disabilities. He wants to go abroad to this clinic that is good for physical therapy however i believe he’s rushing things and super fixated on it all. 

Well there you have it, at least that’s what I think it is… it’s my birthday on the 24th which is the only positive thing that I’m trying to look forward for but tbh I don’t really care anymore…
Hope you guys pull through any troubles you’re going through.
lots of love, Moms spaghetti