Been doing good for a while, able to utilize DBT skills almost subconsciously. Basically, I’ve been proud of myself for the improvements I’ve been making. About a year and half-ish ago I was in a much worse place. I made some very bad decisions and burned many bridges. During that time I made a (short lived, but intense) friendship with H. After maybe a month and a half I feel out with a mutual friend, which ended with H falling out with me as well. I moved away and haven’t seen anybody from my “old life” in over a year. 

Recently (as in a few days) H reached out to me, since then we’ve been talking a lot. We haven’t talked about that previous time, I just told them that I am doing much better and have “calmed down” a lot. It’s been going well, however I have noticed myself slipping back into old thoughts and habits. I’ve been more jealous and possessive over them, and if they mention certain things such as old acquaintances or my old environment, I get pretty sad and shameful. I realize I need to deal with a lot of my past and my therapist and I will be working on it. 

Today when we talked, I even noticed myself switching between feeling clingy and wanting to distance myself so I don’t overwhelm them. I don’t think I acted clingy or distant, but I got to the point where I was overthinking every word I sent them to make sure I didn’t say/do something destructive. I don’t want to slip into the person I used to be because I’ve worked very hard to get where I am, I also don’t want to cut H off because I can’t keep running from my past and I do enjoy their company. This was mostly a rant but if anybody has any advice on how to make sure I don’t slip back to being difficult, I would appreciate it.