I have deep rooted emotional deprivation trauma as a child. And my partner hasn’t been the best emotional support over the years in which he’s aware and admitted to. Even while I plead for support. I should be grateful for the things he’s done for me that not even my own family would have. I just feel so empty and lonely inside, just trying not to self sabotage this relationship which wouldn’t been my first time in history. I’m still in the works of getting psychiatry care and therapy. 

I communicate that I need more emotional support, etc. I do know he has a lot going on and is navigating his own psyche. I just feel so hopeless. Stuck between deserving better, not worthy of better, or that it doesn’t exist. 

I’ve been living in my head lately. Conjuring up scenarios that make me feel what I don’t in real life. I especially hate this pandemic. I’m just trying to hang in there.