recently, ive found that im struggling with getting to sleep. when i was less depressed, id often imagine my "ideal" life and thatd be sufficient to get me to sleep. but now that ive pretty much given up on life in general, there's nothing to think about. even imagining beautiful nature scenes doesn't work because my brain has the ability to ruin it by inserting things into it that terrify me and cant get rid of (e.g. thinking about a house with a nice garden that backs up onto a forest, only to have the forest gradually get closer to the house). closing my eyes and being left with no light, colour or shape to distract me from whats going on inside my head is scary. i guess thats why i stay up so late