It’s such a terrible fkn thing. I’m not an alcoholic, but my dad is. Has been for the past 4 years. It didn’t get bad until the past couple years, and now it’s just a never ending cycle. I’m typing this through tears so apologies if it is a little messed up

I’m 18, freshly graduated, and this has been going on since I was in 8th grade. There have been times where he has drunk driven with me in the car. I’ve had to scream at the top of my lungs at him for drinking and the damage he’s caused me. I give him chances after chance, try to talk him through his battles, and he just looks past all of ur and continues drinking. He even went to rehab and AA every meeting and nothing works. I don’t even know if he truly understands what this shit does to me. He ruined an amazing marriage of over 25 years to my mom, when she would beg him to stop and he wouldn’t. I cry every night, have thoughts about ending it every week, I just feel so unbelievably down because I feel like my life is so shit. He has trained me to basically look at only ever bad thing about my life and soak in it, it’s genuinely impossible to see one good thing about the way my life is going. I can’t see things in the future getting better, I don’t see happiness. I can’t even talk to my friends about it because none of them have ever gone through anything like this and I don’t want to feel like a burden, they all have stable, loving parents and I’m stuck with an amazing mom and a deadbeat dad. I can’t even look at our old baby pictures we have anymore because all I can think about is how that’s not the same man that’s standing in front of me right now. 

It just really sucks to see one of your favorite people to from being the best and most caring person in the world to drinking every single day, turning into someone unrecognizable. I wish I wasn’t alive, I’d never off myself but if something were to happen to me I would not be upset I just want this pain to go away.