I'm losing my mind. 
-I am hurting my loved ones by being incapable of caring about myself. I down myself in front of my boyfriend and he seems to think that no matter what he does I'll continue to be upset, which is a complaint I've received before. He does not take my mental....illness ....I guess... Seriously it seems and has the mind over matter mentality. The only issue with that is that my mind is what is working against me. 
-I am scared that every single person in my life, including my family, hates my guts and that I am a disgrace to everyone who tries to love me. I am unlovable and for them to love me seems asinine. I have trouble communicating with the people in my life. They don't understand that my self worth issues have nothing to do with how much they love me. I can not identify who I am anymore and I can't see what people could love about me.
-I have lost my motivation to do anything, I quit my job on a whim with no backup plan. I am scared and I feel hopeless but I put myself here. "there will be people you don't like at every job" is what everyone keeps telling me repeatedly, as if I'm not intelligent enough to know that on my own. I want to be better but every day I feel myself becoming more depressed, and more hopeless.
-It is becoming extremely difficult to express my feelings,  and express the fact that I'm having trouble expressing my feelings to others. I am not able to create the words I feel that convey what I'm feeling. I have disconnected almost completely and don't feel as though there is a point in having an opinion because nothing I say ultimately matters in the grand scheme of the world. I remain silent as much as possible because I don't feel I have a right to have any feelings about most things. I've kind of just become vacant. I am generally unlikable and it hurts to know that...I am closing up and receding into myself more as time goes on. It feels like I'm in a constant mental fog. I become delusional and have these ideas of what I want to do with my life but ultimately there's nothing I can do to change my situation and if there is, it isn't something I can readily work toward. I feel absolutely powerless and useless in the world. Also like a parasite that is sucking the life out of everyone who tries to show me compassion. 
-I have lost all interest in anything and everything I enjoyed. I am awful at the things I enjoy and it hurts to push myself to do these things because I will not be able to provide the results I see fit. Art, music, writing, I want to enjoy these things again, but ultimately there's no real world implications. The things I enjoy have no use to me, and only reaffirm the idea that I am a failure in every aspect. People say I'm just too hard on myself, but I feel as though I'm being realistic with myself and they are just trying to make me feel better. I am glued to my bed most days, and I have a dependency on marijuana. It seems to be the only thing that makes me feel full, and helps me cope with the extremely overwhelming feelings of hopelessness and need for isolation. 
