Hey everyone, so I have BPD, GAD, ADHD, and Depression, just as a introduction so that everyone has an idea of my fumbled mind.
 

Anyways, I wanted to ask, I have finally started DBT about a few months ago, but I've only begun to diligently work on my issue for about 1.5 years, it came about when I realized as I entered the workforce again, that this issue would bleed over into my job when I started losing control.


It's been a while since I've had a, "Freakout," as I call them, or "Split," as it's officially known, the last time I had one was when I was sick, (physically), and my mood was just all out of whack. I know I experience emotions on a much deeper and intrinsic level, to the point where it drives me crazy, I lost my HS diploma, when I thought I had placed it in a specific spot, but overall, I think it was a conjoining of all the stressful events that have taken place recently. 


Started my second class in school, making it part time officially, and they're both accelerated classes, very difficult, and arguably this is my first, "successful attempt," at college, because in the past, I'd only gone for the money because I had no other means to survive because of my disorder. My ex rejected a birthday gift that I extended as an olive branch, and I've been rejected from several jobs lately. 


It came full circle this morning when I realized I lost the diploma, (even though the college only needs a copy and I have a picture of it online that I can print, as a copy), I began to hyperventilate after almost starting to cry, punched two objects in my apartment slightly breaking one, denting the other, hammer-fist slammed my hand, (hurts now) on a table and hit my head against the fridge.


Even though I am very disappointed in myself, I feel like these types of episodes are just par for the course, and I should allow myself to understand that I can't always control them, that my recovery is still well within it's infancy. 


But my question to everyone is: is that in fact true? Because when I get in those states of mind, NOTHING hurts, no amount of breathing or logical reasoning works, and it's almost as though I just need to, "let it all out," so to speak. But it's in such a destructive, counter-productive manner, but like I said, "in the moment," I really have no sense of rationale. 


Just wanted to hear everyone's thoughts. Thank you.