before i start
my pronouns are xe xem
my fp’s pronouns are they them

okay so i desperately need advice so if you guys could help me out that would be much appreciated 

so a couple months ago i was trying to get over my old fp who blocked me and i was in agonizing emotional pain for months, it was impossible to get over them and it honestly felt like every breath i took someone was stabbing me. they were the love of my life and she meant everything to me. i was in a couple online servers at the time and i met my new fp there. we were friends and i really liked them. like, even from the start it was like my brain had found a new person to obsess over. i just knew i wanted to be around them more and figure out every single part of who they were and just wanted them to like me. 

we started calling like everyday and would have calls for like 10+ hours every single day and it really helped. my mind was on my old fp constantly and having a break from that was so freeing and i couldn’t believe someone would want to spend time with me especially because i was in such a weird vulnerable state, i thought nobody could love me. but they made me feel so heard and understood and they made me feel wanted and loved and it really made me happy. happiest i’ve been in months. i haven’t had a connection like this in a long time and when i finally got it i was obsessed.

said person also has bpd and we spent more and more time with eachother and we could both sense we were becoming each others fps. we agreed that we shouldn’t let that happen because we wanted the relationship to stay how it is. i told them i lose interest in people who are obsessed with me n i didn’t want that to happen and they said they wouldn’t mind if they were my fp but would rather not because they wanted the relationship to be healthy and all and fp relationships tend to be messy just from our past experiences

lucky for them they never developed an fp relationship but silly me did!!! and i was in denial about it for so long. i was like no way they could be my fp i got this under control. then one day they had to leave call early and i literally got so insecure and thought they hated me and was so upset n was like “they don’t love me anymore” and yknow ur usual silly bpd shenanigans. then i realized “oh no! they’re your fp!”

more n more time goes on and they make me really happy and loved. i start telling my friends about them and my friends immediately get concerned. because here’s the kicker, they are 19 years old! and i am 15! and apparently 19 year olds shouldn’t be calling me baby and sweetheart and my love! but i was to blindsided by the fp thing!

and now i’m so confused because i’m absolutely head over heels with them and can’t imagine my life without them but all my friends are telling me the friendship isn’t good and i’m being groomed and i need to leave and i’m so confused on what to do.

i cant imagine leaving them. i think i’d go insane. i literally love them so much but my friends say that they’re a walking red flag. i tell them that it’s not romantic at all so i don’t see the problem— it’s just a platonic friendship but my friends are telling me “in what world does a 19 year old need to be friends with a 15 year old and call them baby and sweetheart???” and they said it’s weird that they like being my fp and stuff like that and a whole bunch of other stuff is a red flag but i’m just so lost on what to do.

i love them so much, i literally don’t know what to do. is the relationship weird? should i leave? how can i leave when i don’t want to? sometimes they make me so miserable. but that’s just the bpd. 

idk. sometimes i get so insecure because at the start of our friendship they would tell me they missed me and they loved me and text me first and ask if i wanna call and always initiate and like actually talk to me. now they barely text me. they told me it’s bc of their new job n stuff but they won’t even text me on their days off and it makes me feel like they’re getting bored of me and don’t love me anymore. and the fact that they don’t ever text me first or only text me goodnight after i say it and never asks if i want to call anymore makes me so miserable. i just want them to love me like they used to but it’s so weird now.

but i get so upset because i feel like they don’t love me and it makes me wanna cry. my friends tell me all they do is make me upset and i should leave already cause of that + the 15 and 19 thing.

sorry if this is hard to read and messy. i desperately need more perspectives on this and if anyone could help me and offer their two cents that would be so appreciated.