I don’t know why I feel this was. I’ve been diagnosed with major depressive disorder since I was 10 years old. I’m 18 now and it doesn’t get better when they said it would. I can’t get out of bed. Back home my room is a mess and I dread going back. I’m staying with my boyfriend right now. I want to go and do things with him and sometimes I do, but it takes me so long to want to do them. We were supposed to go to a local show tonight together, but I just felt like no one wants me there. This is a problem a lot. I love going to places I really do, but I always feel like a burden when I’m out. It doesn’t help when I’ve read online about people hating customers and I get it, I’ve worked jobs like that. But god I don’t want to inconvenience anyone. Trying to put this in words is so difficult. I just don’t feel like I’m ever needed or wanted anywhere. I can go out and do things but I just physically can’t sometimes. I sat in a car for 3 hours while my boyfriend was inside at a local open mic just because I worked up the courage to go and then when I got there I just got so sad. I couldn’t go in. It’s hard to take care of myself like this too. I want to go on walks but just trying to go outside is like asking me to lift a car above my head. Fuck man