Ive became very depressed the past year due to built up emotions from my moms suicide when I was 13. Before my emotions were all over the map. One moment I’d be holding back the urge to break everything in sight. The next I’d be uncontrollably sobbing, but for the past month I’ve just felt numb. My brain feels inactive and slow and it takes me a while to process things. I’ve became emotionally numb. I can’t show emotion or feel it either. I know it’s not in my head because I almost got a knife pulled on me today and I felt nothing. I got pressed by a elderly homeless man while walking in a bad area during hours I shouldn’t have been.  He demanded I hand over my backpack and threatened me with a knife he claimed to have in his back pocket. He was about a foot in front of me and already had his right hand behind his back, so I took no chances. Due to him being in lunging distance, and me not wanting to be stabbed, I kicked him in the nuts as hard as I could and distanced myself from him. He kinda just made a sound and fell to the ground. I was like 20 feet away when I turned around and he was just laying on the sidewalk. I kept walking but I felt no initial shock, adrenaline or fear during the whole situation. I found that weird since I’ve had a knife pulled on me in the past, and my adrenaline was pumping like crazy, my mind was racing and I was scared shitless not gonna lie. But I felt nothing this time and just kinda forgot it even happened 20 minutes later. I even got curious and checked my heart rate on my Apple Watch and it stayed a normal 80ish bpm which is my usual walking heart rate. I guess the depression has gotten so bad that my fight or flight response won’t even kick in. That sounds dumb. But I’m concerned this may worsen to a point of complete carelessness where I may do something stupid.