It's one of my worst habits in relationships, I idealize the fuck out of people and when things fall apart it's hard for me to move on because in my head I think of them as being perfect for me, if anyone's curious to the extent this goes I convinced myself a drug dealer who's shot and killed people in the past and done many other awful things that he was my soulmate just because he knew the right things to say and made me feel special... the small logical piece of me tries to tell myself come on girl you KNOW BETTER THAN THIS !!!! but my stupid bpd brain has me sooo attached to even when it's been over a month of us not talking I still think about him, I feel terrible because i'll talk to other guys and I compare them to him and I miss the passion he brought regardless of it being toxic. This has been a common theme throughout my romantic life and i feel so unable to see people for who they are and get so immensely crushed when the illusion wears off