In a nutshell, I've had anxiety all of my life. But this past May/June, a lot of events in my personal life lead to me having to take leave from work and go on medication. While on leave, in the span of 28 days, my grandfather passed away and my hometown was pretty much destroyed by a Cat 4 hurricane. I went back to work because I was feeling better and I really was doing great until about a month ago.

I am doing what I'm supposed to. I'm on a good schedule, I'm taking my meds. I'm going to the gym, I quit smoking, I'm eating healthy. And this anxiety has just been creeping back up on me gradually. I'm at the point now to where I'm almost as bad off as I was during the summer when I had to leave work.

This time there is no dying grandfather. Hurricane season is over. Work is going well. My house is looking better than before the hurricane. Hell, my depression is gone too. But I have that constant pain in my chest and feel on edge. How is it that I can do everything I'm supposed to be doing and still feel this bad? 

I'm so frustrated and feeling defeated. I feel like I could be going to therapy every day of the week for a year and still come up feeling like this because maybe this is just the way I'm going to be the rest of my life, and that thought terrifies me. I just don't have it in me to feel like this forever. I can feel myself burning out and because I don't know what is making me anxious I can't find a way to fix it.

I have an appointment with my therapist on Tuesday but it just seems so far away when I'm spending my days wishing I could just retreat into my house until I feel better.