This month has been incredibly difficult, and to make it worse, I lost three friendships. First, I ended a friendship after a guy friend said something extremely mean to me (he accused me of being over-emotional, then told me that not only am I selfish and overly self-involved, but that everyone in our friend group thinks the same thing), all because I was in love with his best friend and not him (his best friend also rejected me, which was painful enough on its own). Then, I cut off another guy friend, who also happened to be the ex of another friend of mine, after I found out that he'd been cheating on her, and that he might have been trying to sleep with me. Then my friend that he dated didn't come to my birthday, and I told her it really hurt my feelings, and she just never responded. 

It just hurts so much. I've always struggled to make friend. Now I can't shake the fear that I'm the disposable friend, and that everyone will just disappoint or abandon me, like they always have. I'm also scared that what my friend said about me being self-involved is true. I do think that to some degree I'm the toxic friend, but I'm trying really hard to fix those behaviors and be a better friend.

Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance 🖤