I’m a bit of an alcoholic at the moment, but that’s kinda irrelevant compared to my drug use. I have been on that ‘I am sober’ app logging my process and I keep fucking up.

Anyway today has been such a good day in more ways than just one, which is why I’m disappointed in myself. Mainly because I got an amazing job offer with more Financial security and flexibility then my last job! Sooo I had a celebratory drink, then more drink, then more. Then ketamine… on my own… in my room…

It’s not a full gram just a remainder of what was left from a while ago in a plastic vile - (I deleted &amp; blocked my dealers numbers because I want to get better and get off the drugs)
 
I can not use the excuse that I do drugs because I’m sad and I have nothing else left….Because… I do them when I’m happy and ‘celebrating’ on a good day?

What I’ve realised is that my drug consumption happens whenever there is a intense emotion. Whether that is sad or happy!

Maybe it’s a symptom of my BPD, maybe that’s  why so many people with BPD have addictions, because they need to disassociate with the highs AND the lows. - I’ll be using this post as a note to take to my therapist. I’m very open for others to share their thoughts too