I didn't realize this until recently, but as a kid I would go into the back yard alone and sit and basically meditate on how I wasn't a real person until it became true- the world wasn't real, I wasn't real, nothing existed, etc. I would look at objects and they would become completely foreign, like I would look at a tree while in the state and wouldn't recognize it as a tree, or I would look at my hands and not know that they were mine or even hands for that matter.

Background: I experienced no trauma (that I can remember although it is completely possible I blocked it out) besides emotional neglect, a narcissistic mother, and physical punishment, such as spanking, that I think occasionally escalated beyond the norm. ie, when I would get in trouble my mother would hit me with one of those round brushes and I can remember watching the blood come up to the surface in a perfect little dotted pattern.

Just interested in hearing your thoughts and experiences concerning this or something similar. Thanks!

Edit: I am brand new to Reddit so if my formatting is off, or if I'm using this subreddit incorrectly please let me know! I've been lurking a while but I just don't know how it's done here. 