Something has happened tonight that has really upset me, and I feel shaky, tearful, and sick. Instead of doing what I would usually do (lashing out at absolutely anybody, self harming, wallowing in intense self hatred), I am practicing my breathing techniques, and imagining that my brain that feels like it is on fire, is slowly turning from searing red to a cool blue. Once the shaking stops, I will paint without the goal of the painting looking perfect. 

This has never happened before. I have never been able to deescalate.