Some backstory: When I was 13, I was pressured to lose my virginity and was sexually assaulted by my BF (sexually assaulted in the sense that I revoked my consent halfway through because it was painful and he refused to stop until he was finished so I dissociated) at the time. After the act was finished, he went to the bathroom and came back to scream at me about how he was going to go to hell because I “tempted” him, then he proceeded to pull me into the hallway to tell me that I was going to hell because I was a sinner, he explained to me in gruesome detail what the demons in hell were going to do to me until I was in shambles.

Anyways, lately this trauma has been affecting me more in my adult life to the point that I can barely watch scary movies or listen to scary videos. The other day I happened across a video on Instagram about demons and was petrified. For the next two days, I had racing thoughts about the demons he talked about finally coming to get me and I was incredibly on edge. I couldn’t sleep and my eyes kept jumping around, I had anxiety attacks, at one point I decided the only way I could be safe and protect myself was to lean against a corner in the room so nothing could catch me by surprise. I also had horrible intrusive thoughts about ending my life so I could meet the fate that he so heavily described and just be done with it. The only thing that calmed me in that second day was talking to my therapist.

There’s more to it that I don’t feel comfortable getting into at this moment, was this a brief psychotic episode or?