I’ve had a falling out with life. There’s no surprise there. These past two weeks have been hell. I can’t seem to get myself out of it. I haven’t felt this way since last year(before I went on meds) and it won’t stop. I wake up every day and life just doesn’t seem worth it anymore. Everything I’ve been through has become pointless. Everything I do has become pointless. 

I feel like I try so hard just for my life to be shit. I don’t think I remember a time that I was actually happy. I grew up being abused or watching people get abused. I’ve been sexually assaulted and have no one believe me(my ex boyfriend told me it was my fault because I was a whore). All of the shit that happens in our lives is supposed to make us stronger. Who the fuck came up with that? Does anyone ever get over being abused? Personally, I’ve just shoved it away and forgot about it. I’m past it but I have never gotten over it. I’ve tried to forgive the people who hurt me but I feel deep down that I still fucking hate them for what they’ve done. 

Also, while it’s still on my mind, I can’t remember fucking shit from my childhood. I can only remember the bad shit(being abused or watching the abuse) and I can’t seem to figure out why. The memories that I have of my childhood felt like dreams. Like it never really happened. The last bits of my memories stopped when I’ve waken up from sleep.(sorry, it’s hard to explain)Has anyone else ever experienced that? 

This little rant what all over the place and I apologize. 

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤