Evening everyone . This might get a little lengthy but just a little background info so you understand the root of my depression . I am 25 years old , when I was 21 I got in a relationship with a man and it feels like my life when downhill after that . I was young , beautiful , healthy , happy and with a future ahead of me . The relationship was okay at the beginning until I decided to move in with him yeah dumb and naive me and I was also running away from my evil grandmother . Went through hell and back with him , gained 100 pounds and then got a gastric sleeve surgery , Stretchmarks and scars everywhere , and then lost 100 and more pounds with the surgery so I felt like life got sucked out of my body . After I got “ugly” he ended the relationship and kicked me out of his house . During the relationship I got away from my family and friends so after the relationship ended I found myself , alone with no friends or family except from my angel mom and family back in my home country but physically alone , drained , unhealthy . 
I am at a place now where I’m questioning what is the point of anything , I didn’t accomplish anything , dropped out of college , wasted 4 years of my life . I feel humiliated , ashamed and my body is so marked up I don’t feel like anyone out there will ever love me or see me as wife material . I am working towards going back to college and saving up but I’m alone paying all bills by myself . I don’t know what to do , only reason why I didn’t give up yet is because I am my Mother’s only child , and if I kill myself , her life will have no sense . I feel trapped , lost , unloved , alone , betrayed , hopeless . Any suggestions? I don’t know what to do with myself :( I never knew this level of depression could be reached …