I already have a ton of other shit going on, but no one understands this. I feel like I keep making posts about it because it's fucking destroying me but nothing has helped.

I constantly feel like I'm being watched by fictional characters. I can't turn it off no matter how hard I try. They are always listening to my thoughts. It is impossible for me to fully be in reality. Trying to accept it doesn't work either, it just makes me feel more disconnected from reality. It is sometimes extremely difficult to do basic tasks because I don't feel like I'm alone.

I just wish they would go away. I'm so tired. My therapist doesn't understand because it's not like this is a common experience. I've experienced episodes of psychosis and that isn't quite this, although it's closer than the intrusive thoughts. It's more extreme than maladaptive daydreaming. I don't think it's part of my intrusive thoughts. There's a part of brain called A that's able to get them to go away temporarily if I'm extremely stressed out by it but I have no control over that. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. People keep saying they understand but they really don't.

How am I supposed to get professional help for it when not a single one of them has understood? They're not going to understand. They either don't take me seriously, find it confusing, or blame it on my OCD when it's not fucking that. These thoughts aren't like my normal intrusive thoughts, that's why trying to just accept them and stop trying to get rid of them doesn't work. It just brings me further and further away from reality. I know the characters aren't real in this world but I still truly believe they can see everything I'm doing and thinking.

I don't know what I even expect anyone here to do. I don't think anyone can do anything. I'm just completely fucking broken.