I don’t know what is right or wrong for me, and my opinion/mood/perception changes daily so I don’t know if I can call out another person on their behavior if it hurts me, if I can be mad at them, or if it’s really all my doing and I should be the one to apologize for being dramatic about it. It’s so damn frustrating. I just don’t know if my own emotions, experiences, opinions etcetera are valid at all, so I never feel justified in expressing them towards the other person, hence holding ‘grudges’ or staying situations that are potentially unhealthy. I can’t ever make up my mind about my own mind, and it drives me absolutely crazy. At the same time, I NEED to know what’s right or wrong, because I want to either blame someone (get angry) or take the blame (self-pity). "You’re wrong! No, you’re perfect, I’m wrong. It’s all your fault/It’s all my fault.“ etcetera. 

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Is this something you can relate to? Is there a BPD symptom you think this relates to?

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A personal example, a situation I am in now: I have been seeing this great guy but there are complications (I want more, he does not). Every day I’m going back and forth between "it’s not OK to be treated like this, leading me on, I don’t deserve this!", and, "I was overreacting, he doesn’t deserve this drama, I’m the one who’s asking for it, despite knowing better". I don’t know what’s right or wrong in this situation, I don’t know whats good for me. I can't stop because I’ve gotten far too attached already, and then I’ll get irrationally upset; ‘he should know I’m getting attached!’. I just don’t know what to do, who’s wrong and who’s right, what’s best for me in the end. I can’t lose him, I can’t stay. I’m at a point right now where I feel like I must put it to an end, but I don’t know how. My attention-craving self won’t let this fade out without a sound, I HAVE to make a point but I don’t know which one is right. I hate being like this.

