So this is the second time I've had self harm thoughts in years. I've been kinda depressed lately, but all of a sudden I just plummeted today and my emotions just went south for no reason. I just keep thinking about it and tried to reach out to my friends who dont know what to do. My fiancee is working. I don't want to call the crisis line because I'm terrified of losing my son. I just feel like no one can really help and I have to hold myself over till I can get my psychiatrist to call me back. So I'm just sitting here trying to sleep and holding my pillow while I'm just angry at myself and crying wanting my brain to just stop. I think I might go smoke to make it go away for awhile. My self control this past year has gotten way better so as much as I want to hurt myself I know I won't it's just... No one can help because no one knows how... And we're always there for everyone else because we're so empathetic and we know what it's like... But when we're really bad off... We don't have anyone... Not really... So we're stuck with ourselves alone... I just feel very alone right now... And wish I had someone here to help the thoughts go away... I'm so tired of my brain today...