This keeps fucking happening. I’ll go like 4 months without anything setting me off;relationships are good, mom hasn’t made me upset, I get along with everyone, then I believe that I am better. That I became more mentally mature and aware of my emotions, then I prove myself wrong.

Here is an example from yesterday:

I have been on a break with my girlfriend for 8 months (after dating 4 years), but we were really close during these months and trying to rebuild our relationship with each other. We discussed getting back together since I have “been acting better,” but she dropped the bomb that she fucked her coworker once about 6 months ago. I had no reason to be upset at this since we were not together, but I feel so fucking betrayed that I waited for her. I went crazy (thought I was passed that) and started destroying stuff, making her feel bad, and threatened the guy she slept with. I was COMPLETELY irrational. I did the very things I genuinely thought I was better at controlling.

She left me alone for good and I am so ashamed. It’s like i literally could not control it. I knew the things I was saying were wrong and hurtful, but I was so hurt that I just couldn’t stop. I’m just regretting what I said. I don’t care about her coworker, I just want to hold on to her. Why do I have to be this way?