SO. This post is not intended to insult anyone, just to share my personal experience and see how people can relate. My POV with a quiet BPD ex GF.   


Details:  
\- Dated for just under 2 years

\- discard and devalue over a the last 4 months-ish

&amp;#x200B;

Story:   
Initially she thought I was the greatest thing in the world. She was very cute because the quietness and her high interest came off as adorable. She had a very child-like vibe and tonality like a cute 4 year old when we where cuddling or hugging and that drew me in with my caretaker attitude.  


In hindsight I recognized being put on a pedestal  as strange but it was sublimed by her quiet nature, which made me accept it and love it. Slowly but surely we became closer, although it took me almost 4 months to really love her. Once I was hooked and she knew I loved her, came the continuous anxiety of abandonment:  


* "you will leave me if you find somebody better with x y z traits" 
* "you don't love me" turning away in the bed so I can reassure her and hug her.
*  When I told her I loved her she told me I'm lying or that I'm an idiot for loving her.

These carried on for the duration of the relationship 

&amp;#x200B;

* Bought her a watch as a gift. The shop keeper wanted to inscribe our names on it. My first name has the same initial as her sister's name, so she wanted to mark it as our initials. This was to hedge against me leaving her and having my name remain on the watch, so she can say its her and her sister inscribed... She did not tell me this but I knew this was the case when she jokingly said their names ( with the same initials) after telling the shop keeper to only put our initials.   
* If I got upset she thought it was her, and went into a depression. I could almost do nothing without her someone attaching emotionally to it as if she was connected. Her radar was always on.
* Extensive people pleasing, to the point of neglecting our relationship and herself. I have many examples but some are : Making notes for everyone in class until 3 AM whilst saying she has no time to deal with me, detouring from a drive for 30 minutes to buy her personal trainer coffee, helping around the house as if she was some slave in a hurried and stressed fashion as not to disappoint ect...
* Always did **something**, never alone, rushing everywhere with constant stress. Never did she sit down calmly and just relax. I had to calm her down in bed at nights a lot. 
* Lashed out out of nowhere about me talking about money to much, I was calm and quiet and she manged to get to tears and crying all by herself, being ashamed later on. 
* Acting differently around different people 
* Anything could get taken personally. I had to be very careful as to not hurt her or make her feel insecure from the most trivial things. 
* Always needed external validation especially from men, very flirtatious. She flirted with someone and I forgave her like an idiot. 
* White lies like grains of sand
* hid me from her friends and friends from work for like a year...   


**Devaluation:**  


When she started her first year at college, it was as if she did not need me at all.

Hardly invested in the relationship, talking to me only 20 mins a day saying she had no time at all. Distance gradually grew, she complained about me not talking to her enough, which was confusing given I had put a lot of effort and she was not reciprocating. I said I agree and left it at that. She also said that when I dont communicate with her or reply blandly she thinks she does something wrong. 

This kept going on for 3 months, during her exams it was worse and during the corona lockdown it was too much. She was at home all day and found not time to talk to me. woke up at 7 am and slept at 2-3 AM, making notebooks for her class, staying at a guy friend's house for two hours whilst she said she had no time for me. This guy friend worked with her and she told me all the workplace thinks they are together... She did not tell me if this was the guy she flirted with but I suspect so. 

Then I   did not talk to her for 24 hours... I was angry, and zombie mode from 2 months in my home during lockdown. When I got back to her she lost her shit, told me she needs a break and three weeks later she came and broke up saying I make her feel bad and our relationship is a determent to her,  that I was always insulting her, and she feels closer to her friends ( guy friend from work that is) than to me.  We never fought, she never came and raised issues with me again and again during our relationship.

She told me its just your personality (not stating what it was) and that she does not want me to change. I was furious. I let her go with no fuss, gave her her stuff, I showed no anger. I just lost it a week later because she gave no real explanation and took no responsibility. I lashed out saying she did not deserve me ect and she blocked me. She called me a few days later when I lost my cool to "explain" what happened which was just her shouting at me for shit I did not do for an hour, almost in a mocking fashion, slightly laughing when she heard me broken... A month later I sent a message to end things on good terms, she just said "I am glad you are taking it well, good luck"... go figure. After two years she wont even have a polite convo and end it well. Like she never knew me.