I've been talking to a guy for about 3/4 weeks now, met up a couple of times and it was great. We've been chatting online, sometimes he really seems into me and like he wants to talk to me. Until I realized I was the one messaging first ALL THE TIME, so I stopped - no messages from him. Now he just seems uninterested, I did ask him directly and he says he wants to talk to me. BUT IT IS SO CONFUSING to the point it's actually hurting me and upsetting me and I'm thinking about it 24/7. 

It's mentally exhausting, constantly trying to guess how another person is feeling, constantly thinking I've done or said something that has made him not want to talk to me, it is extremely mentally taxing to the point that IDK if I am capable of having any kind of human connections, it's really fucking sad. 

I so badly want human connection and someone to talk to and spend time with, but it's just so difficult, confusing, and upsetting. It just makes me want to isolate myself but it's just a vicious cycle. It's really messing with my head which is annoying as I've been feeling pretty good recently. I want human connection and companionship but once I have it, my insecurities and skewed thoughts push it away, then I'm alone and the cycle of looking for validation and connection starts all over again.