I'm broken emotionally. I'm rucked up in almost every way you can be. I've been paying the price. I've been a abandoned at every turn. By my father when I was 4, he would always call and say he's coming back, but he never did. My parents kicked me out on my 18th birthday. Every romantic love has ended in no contact because they realize I am wretched, misery incarnate. I've pushed everyone away. I quit my job over 13 days ago, and have been too paralyzed by anxiety to even apply for a single job. I've already accepted that I'm going to be homeless. I told my roommate I will move out after the month is up to not inconvenience them and so they can have the apartment to themselves. 

And here we go, taking the next step in the everlong misery. It's gotten worse every day since I was 6 years old, and will further. 

What's next? Will I lose an eye? Will I get a disease? Will I be hit by a car? 
What's the next step in misery. All I can grip to as a fact, is that whatever happens, I'll be alone through it all. Until the end.