I'm going to just allow myself to be emotional and rant, and actually take the time to express everything, maybe as a sort of catharsis. If you read it and have words, thank you, if not I still hope it will be helpful. 

I'm finally graduated after five long years in undergrad. One of my last years in school was hell as I was in an abusive relationship, but my final semester I met an amazing guy who lit up my world and made me excited for the future. I was in my final semester, I hated doing schoolwork, I had never been treated so well before, and things were looking up. I finally had the degree I worked so hard for and the world was my oyster. I decided to get off of my medicine because I didn't feel like I needed it anymore and wanted to see if I could do life without it. 

Flash forward six months. I moved in with my parents because rent is so extremely expensive and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Job searches have all dead-ended, as I have no real job experience and apparently a degree from a great university means nothing to recruiters. I am a waiter at a restaurant and have to fight through tears to get through shifts I hate it so much. When I'm not working, I sleep. I can't bring myself to even enjoy a TV show anymore. I sit on my phone, or maybe my computer, work on my LinkedIn to no avail, then nap sheerly out of boredom and sadness. I look around and think "life isn't that bad, why the hell do I feel like this?". I have a home to live in, its a great city, I have an amazing boyfriend, great friends, but I have this emptiness inside that lingers. 

Its a useless, nonsensical feeling that I just can't shake. I have dreams of what I could do with my life, with my spare time, but the weight of the world and life is just bringing me down. I want to be creative and make art, but I'm no good at it nor do I have the energy. I want to foster my imagination and read a book but I sit there and think "what's the point? how can I possibly enjoy reading a book when I'm 24, live at home, have no career set for myself, and have to go in to work at 5?" I want to start a career and do something I love, but I don't know how to get started. All I have ever been is a student and a server, and i've hated doing both of those things, so everything just feel like a loss. 

I guess I should get back on my medication. It just sucks that I thought I could live without it, and it turns out I can't take it. I want so badly for a day to go by where I'm not just hating myself and crying about something. I'm generally a really happy upbeat person. I love talking to people and being social, but right now all I can muster up the strength to do is....well...sleep. I'm going to go nap now. Thanks for listening.