I'm in college and I don't know where to start. My mom seems to think that I'm "past it" because I don't cry as much as I used to. But it's not gone it's just evolved. I get angry more than sad now. If I so much as bring it up to her she gets very detailed and angry at me for saying anything , just like she used to get very mad at me for crying in school. I used to be on lexapro for depression but it caused a lot of weight gain and made things worse. I was never formally diagnosed. When I was committed at 16, they just asked me what I had and I said what I thought I did- anxiety and depression. But I'm 18 now and I'm ninety percent sure it's bpd. I want to be formally diagnosed but I know if I told my mother the reaction would be "not this again". I'm old enough to go try to do something for myself I just don't know where to start , and I don't know how to ask for a formal diagnosis. It would help me so much to know I'm validated in feeling this way when I've been told I'm making it up my whole life. Lately I've been spiraling back down and I think about death a lot. Not trying to freak anyone out , and I don't mean suicide. I just mean death in general. I'm starting to lose my sense of self more than ever before. Just today I realized I don't even know my sexual preferences and when I tried to decided I literally had no idea who I was. It's getting bad.