i want to off myself but dont want to at the same time. theres a part of me that wants to do it to get everyones attention and so they all understand how i feel but i want to survive. but theres also a part of me that wants it to be over. ive been depressed for months and somewhat suicidal for a long time but ive never felt this empty or compelled to do it. is there any way to do it painlessly? plz help