i’ve tried, and tried, and tried and everything is the same. every single day feels the same, i only look at the negatives but all i want to do is look at the positives. i try new things, research on how to live healthier and be happier and what might help and nothing works. no meds, i can’t afford a therapist, i’m in an abusive home and my boyfriend, the center of my world, is so done with me- i’ve drained the life out of him and i just want to change. every night is a new panic attack, i don’t sleep, i can’t eat right, i hate the way i look. i’ve started cutting foods out of my life in attempt to lose weight and feel a little better physically, the little steps count. but i’ve ruined everything. i can’t go to my mom because of everything she’s done to me, i lost my dad, gram and gramp, i’m still grieving and it’s been almost 5 years. i never had a real childhood because i’ve just had to take care of myself. i miss my family, i have nobody but i’m told i have people. i can feel myself slipping and i’ve made it clear to everyone around me that i can’t hold on much longer, but they just say that i need to just get things done and make myself better already. but i’m so stuck. it feels like i can’t, i need help… so so so badly. i’m so ill and i live every day not knowing what it is bc i can’t afford the help. i’m so lost. every thing hurts. i can’t trust for shit, and i want to so badly, but i can’t and that hurts my boyfriend and i don’t want to hurt him anymore, it kills me. help me please. i don’t know what to do.