Disclaimer: 

Mods please remove if this violates the rules about medication. I won’t mention any names of medication or encourage dosages or whatever I’m just curious. Sorry if this does, I just couldn’t tell whether or not this would apply since I’m not talking about what meds to use, but just about medication in general.

My BPD is co diagnosed with extreme anxiety with panic attacks (yay) and it’s usually manageable with my DBT coping skills. Recently, as most of you guys probably all relate to, my life has kind of fallen apart after my FP starting to phase in and out of my life, as well as suffering an extremely painful neck injury that left me bed ridden for a week. Due to now being behind in school, plus my FP phasing in and out of my life (yay for that too) I’m essentially constantly feeling anxiety from the second I wake up and from the second I finally get to bed. So my doctor prescribed me medication for my anxiety, and then increased my dose after it became apparent that I couldn’t function day to day with extreme anxiety and multiple panic attacks a day, even on medication. I’m assuming is just purely because I’m male with a lot of body mass and the dosage wasn’t enough to effectively work. 

But here’s the issue, even though I’m taking my dosage as prescribed, and as needed when I feel a panic attack coming along, just like my doctor wrote it for me for, I can’t help but just feel like a pill  junkie while popping them just to be able to function, and it just makes me feel like a horrible and shitty person for having to rely on medication. And I guess I’m searching for validation from my fellow people on if this is a normal feeling that some of us get. 

I hope you guys are all doing well today!