i have no diagnosis. the symptoms match though. for quiet borderline. 

&amp;#x200B;

i don't know how to describe my experience without writing a 200 page book. it's just all wrong. 

&amp;#x200B;

i stood on my balcony deciding if the drop would for sure kill me. but i can't do it. my grandpa just  died unexpectedly and i don't think my family could handle another loss right now.

i'm so lost. i don't even know for sure if i have bpd. i don't think therapy could improve my state. i just don't wanna live anymore.

i don't know what to say. i never do. i'm just done.