I don't want to rant and explain this entire backstory. Life has just become too much for me and it's unbearable without almost any support. 

I'm sick of waking up, doing my online college classes, having no one to call true friends, losing the desire to continue going to church or be religious, just seeing no hope for myself whatsoever. 

I'm not against therapy. Therapists just can't do much to help my circumstances. I can't afford to pay money just to rant and have them nod their head. I'm not against medication, SSRIs just give me nasty side effects. I've tried several times to reach out to aqquaintences, pastors, doctors, therapists, family members, online friends, etc, and I don't feel like I have any support. They don't support me. My own best friend forgot my birthday. It's so challenging that I feel like dying is the only thing left for me.