I’m sorry if this is a bit of a ramble. 

The other night I was spiralling and googling things like “is being clingy always a bad thing” and stumbled across an article about BPD and friendships and it really struck a cord with me. Since age 11ish (now 30) I have struggled with friendships and insecurity around them. I’m always second best and it hurts. I’m “too sensitive” or “too much” and I don’t really understand how to not be that. I am loyal, kind and compassionate and try my absolute best but I don’t trust people not to hurt me, so I do often end up asking “do you still like me” etc. Now, if the situation was reserved I would be happy to reassure someone as much as they needed, so why is it people always get angry when I ask? I was looking at posts in here about friendships and it seems I’m not the only one. 

I don’t have BPD (that I know of, anyway). I am diagnosed with depression. 

I just so desperately want a friend that understands, and is willing to give as much as they take. I don’t always want to be the B list friend :(