I know I shouldn't diagnose her...but when I look at BPD it explains so much. So I am not here to figure out how to get her diagnosed or anything but I am mainly looking for ways to understand how I can help her and honestly, myself. 

Whenever she has her "episodes" (don't know if that word makes sense here but that's how I describe it in my head) I feel so helpless. 
I have now learnt not to take anything she says personally but I am so scared she is going to get hurt or she will hurt someone else in the family. 

It also amazes me how during her episodes she is able to do tasks that benefit her but she is not able to think of me....honestly she probably is and trying really hard to control her anger. Ugh I just wish I had more capacity and didn't really get so shaken after every episode.

How do I help us?