i guess i just don’t know how to have healthy attachments to people. it’s too painful. i’m so sensitive and one misstep in a relationship/friendship and i feel like that person is now untrustworthy, that they don’t really love me, care for me, etc. i’m getting better at noticing how i get triggered and start to believe that everyone is out to get me; i know now that people make mistakes and they might let you down or hurt you and it’s not intentional, but it just gets so fucking tiring still trying to deal in situations where i start to feel hurt or pushed to the side. and i always feel guilty about my reactions to things that other people might consider small.

i would rather be lonely at this point. because whenever i make connections i only ever end up hurting everybody, including myself. and i’m just so tired. i’m sooooo tired. and i think if i stopped trying to talk to people, if i just completely stopped, i don’t think anybody would even notice all. and i think if i just became nothing, i don’t think anybody would even notice at all.