So I always feel really jealous of this single friend of mine whom my bf once asked out (she said no). This was 5 years ago and bf is a really different person now.  I get really anxious when meeting her, especially in a group. 

She didn't use to be in our immediate friend circle (bf and i have the same one) but is now a staple at many game nights. It doesn't help that I get super competitive at games and sometimes rage really unreasonably. I just feel really jealous cuz I have an eating disorder and have put on a ton of weight, making me feel unattractive while she has got a new curvy and hot bod. I just feel like they have many similar interests and having her around gives me mad anxiety. I really don't know how to help it. BF and myself have been going out for a number of years and I still get so jealous and insecure. He's a very independent and stable person who likes his space and i come from a very unstable upbringing. I keep feeling anxious cuz i like playing the specific games he likes and she has been encroaching and joining us more and more. BF and I live tgthr and i may have to leave for a few months in 2021 as well and i just feel like he's gonna forget me cuz he's shit at texting and etc. 

He was a pretty shit bf at the start when my bpd was in its worst state. I've improved a ton with therapy but my episodes still occur regularly and he's always been there for me. He's just not an emotional kinda guy so I can never feel convinced that he truly loves me. he tells me how great I am and etc near daily but I feel like I just can't believe it even though he's been great cuz of how distant he was in the past when we first started out. I just feel like cuz he was so into this chick in the beginning before he met me, i just feel like second best. I've told him this and he's told me that im not but her being a more stable version of me just makes me feel like anxiety will be a near permanent state of my being. I've actually loved not having her over every weekend even though im super extroverted and miss my other friends hanging out with us.  how do i tame the demons??? I can't seem to love myself, as well. :,(

Edit: she's coming over in a few days