TW for suicidal thoughts/ideation

I know that not every doctor is bad, but every single one I have met has found a way to make me feel worse. 

I was lucky enough to finally find doctors that don't just dismiss my every issue as lies or hypochondria, but even then, they still don't truly listen to me. I'm finally getting somewhere towards diagnosis, but a lot of things are still getting brushed off as just anxiety. It physically pains me every time I hear it, and every appointment I leave, I leave with an even stronger urge to kill myself. A lot of the time, I leave crying. Being dead *has* to be easier than going through this for the next however many years.

I can't keep getting my hopes up, it kills me every time.