How can I get over a toxic friend who put his hand on me and stared me down 3 or 4 times throughout the friendship, called me stupid, an idiot, horsed around with me like some fighting game character and banged my mouse on the table so hard when we were playing pc games the batteries fell out? Plus it was it was always ME who ended up driving us around or picking him up from work and I even offered to cover some of his meals when he was unemployed. And then he decided to try to humiliate me on the last day we hung out before I quit that stressful job and moved back home.

I wasn't naturally good at confrontation or standing up for myself at the time, plus he had been dating this girl who looked like an ex who broke up with me in a really shitty way over social media, so I subconsciously really valued his friendship and acceptance of me and for this reason I put up with a lot more bullshit with him than I would have otherwise. I admit I essentially spent the whole friendship hoping to feel more secure in myself and my confidence through him and then he ended up making me feel like a complete bitch for no reason towards the end.

I have moved away from him since then but still my life is pretty shit right now (and honestly I feel like I'm too simple and unintelligent to improve it in any meaningful way), and my mind is COMPLETELY fixated on how this toxic friend used to treat me, I CANNOT stop thinking about how I let him walk all over me. It's been two and a half years since I moved away but it is a struggle not to go back and confront him and beat the shit out of him to restore some sense of justice and dignity. How the fuck do I get over this