long story short, my fp has been lying to me for quite a while. i had found out that he had been cheating on me. 

we had went away for the 4th of july weekend and we had stopped at a convenience store to get some snacks. we were so excited because we barely get to go away places because of our schedules…when we left the store, his (“ex”) GIRLFRIEND was there. she kept saying they were still together and that he was lying to me. he told me to get in the car because she was lying. over the course of 12 hours i received several messages from her off of different accounts showing proof that they were in fact still together and that he was lying to me and that i deserved the truth. (her following us nearly two hours up north, and messaging me from different accounts after i blocked her was concerning…)

when i confronted him he kept lying. he wouldn’t admit to anything and kept telling me she was crazy and that she was photoshopping photos of them together, that the pictures were so old (they were not old whatsoever) and that the texts were old as well…and that she does this “all the time”

he wouldn’t admit to me at all, even when all the facts were there. but then he did admit some of it to me. but he was so defensive, and i had to beg him to tell me, crying my eyes out. but he didn’t admit to all of it…only one picture, and then two pictures, and then three pictures. but he still wouldn’t admit that they were together, especially when there was so much proof…

he was gaslighting the hell out of me, telling me that the photos were old and that he doesn’t remember taking them or being there. that he never went up north with her last year or apple picking with her in the fall…that he never went to a crab shack with her, or a hibachi grill with her. even though there was PROOF. he was manipulating me when he felt like i would finally leave him. and he knew that i would never leave, because i love him so much and my fear of abandonment would hold me back…he knew i would probably hurt myself if he left me. and he knew i would never leave him. but i did last night. and it hurt so bad. and he made one last ditch effort to manipulate me….i almost gave in, but luckily i have a supportive circle around me.

but god… is it not hard to think that maybe he was right and that she was lying…i mean, she followed us for two hours, tracked him with a gps, and used multiple accounts to contact me after she had been blocked.

but he wouldn’t admit it. and i knew that they were living together. he had told me that, but he had no choice. in march 2020 they  “started” living together because they were quarantine for covid but they were broken up. she is from overseas and does not have much family here, she had roommates and needed to be away from them, so he let her stay with him. but then excuse after excuse came and she is still there in july 2021. yes, i was told that they were broken up. i was reassured by him multiple times. but facts are facts. and you can only gaslight someone and manipulate someone and lie to someone for so long before they start to question you

but guys…this shit hurts so fucking bad. like what is my life without him? i miss him so much. and 90% of me feel like i made a huge mistake…
he’s the love of my life