Hi guys. I’ve (23F) been browsing this sub for a bit. I’m currently undiagnosed but I have most of the symptoms for quiet BPD and I just haven’t been very kind to myself lately. This has been affecting me mainly during the nighttime because I have insomnia but it’s been getting worse lately, like this whole week I haven’t been able to get sleep until 5 or 6am. I’ll just spend the entire time laying in bed torturing myself over my failed romantic relationships and wishing I hadn’t constantly messed everything up like I always do. I think I’ve cried every night for a week straight. 

This is the second time I do this for a whole week in a months time span. I’ve never been this sad. None of my friends are single so I’ve been trying to avoid them as well because it’s really annoying having to hear about their relationships. I know that’s selfish but I don’t care. At least they have someone to be with at night who comforts them.

I’m also just bitter cuz I’ve never had much luck in the romance department starting from elementary school when everyone was getting their first taste of what validation from the opposite sex felt like. Everything was always my fault for being such a bitch and not letting people get close to me but also cuz I’m not attractive. I’m rambling now but point is just wanna get a good nights rest at a reasonable hour so what do you guys do to quiet the bad thoughts?