My depression or whatever I have (possibly BPD) seems to just be getting worse , despite my feeble attempts to control it.

Something about me: I’m extremely distrustful of the American healthcare system. I have had several bad experiences with doctors, mental health specialists, psychiatrists, etc. I have very cheap, low quality health insurance that only allows me to see low quality providers that seemingly have no desire or care for people to actually get better. I believe that the healthcare system in America is designed in a way that keeps people unhealthy, so that they are dependent on a lifetime of drugs and healthcare - lining the pockets of Big Pharma, etc. if people were healed, they wouldn’t spend money on healthcare. So the government has incentive to keep people sick. This can be applied to all medications, and especially psychiatric ones.

I was on antidepressants for a couple months but then I stopped taking them. I thought I could manage on my own but I started deteriorating again. I feel the intense need to talk to a therapist but, I just really don’t trust them, and they have never helped me.

I’m sure it’s just my mental illness causing my extreme disdain for the healthcare system. So I think I’m just gonna get with the system and take the damn meds that were prescribed to me. Something about being on meds, makes me feel like I’m giving away part of my self.

Also, I don’t trust therapists, or care to talk to them, because i feel stupid and self conscious, having to pay someone $100 an hour to talk about my pathetic problems. Plus i feel like anything they tell me, I already know.

I just feel stuck in a prison with no viable way out.