I’m a longtime lurker, first time posting. Some quick background to get you up to speed and honestly trying to get myself out there, raw and real!

• I am a 31-year-old straight female, unemployed, and living with my parents.

• I have a Bachelor’s degree (which I’m proud of) but I have a troubling/embarrassing long list of jobs of short intervals. I feel like it’s a sham that I have this framed degree hanging on my wall because I’ve hardly used it, and haven’t been able to repay any of my student loans.

• I have had 1 suicide attempt and long history of self-harm, although I’ve had other vices in recent years (alcohol, pot, and cocaine). I’ve been sober at least since Jan. 1st, 2021 so I like that!

• DX: BPD (obviously), Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, Anxiety NOS, on/off Anorexia

• RX: Prozac 60mg, Buspar 15mg 3x/day, Lithium 300mg 3x/day, Seroquel 400mg and Minipress 2mg, both @ bedtime, Klonopin 0.5mg up to 2x/daily PRN

• I have talk therapy weekly (on the phone) and speak to a psychiatrist (also on the phone) every 4 weeks. I used to be in group therapy pre-pandemic and really liked that even though I was hesitant and shy at first.

——

As I said above, I’ve been seeing things that aren’t there. These might be hallucinations, but I’m unfamiliar in the terminology of exactly what means what.

When I’m in my bedroom with the door open. I can see into another bedroom, with that door also open. A few times I see a black shadow figure move across the room. Then I get obsessive and stare into the room waiting for it to happen again so I can get a closer look. I’ve also seen a cat on our couch (we have no cats or dogs) when it was really a floral pillow—looked nothing like a cat.

I can’t tell my parents or my friends this because then they’ll know I’ve really lost it. I’m embarrassed.

I’ve spoken to my psychiatrist today and she prescribed Seroquel 50mg Extended Release (ER) once in the morning for these visions.

Just looking for support because I can’t help but feel crazy. Thank you in advance!