I don't have a job, I don't have any work experience, I don't have a driver's license, I don't have a single friend (besides family members) I don't leave my house unless absolutely necessary, for appointments and anything that I think will benefit my mental health. I am Borderline, I've got liquid Anxiety spilling out of my face, for the first time in years I've come to a point where: If I don't start to get better, or see light at the end of the tunnel, I will have to end my life.

 I take 300mg Bupropion. Not near enough, even if Bupropion was a decent Antidepressant. So, I've become quite manic. I've been teetering between bawling my eyes out and hating the world for the past few days. 

There isn't a inpatient clinic or mental health facility that would treat me within 200 miles of me. I've got an appointment with a decent Psychiatrist in a week, he could find a medication that might work for me. I've got my hopes. I've been through all the SSRIs and a few Atypicals, I think it's time for some Antipsychotics. At this point I'm taking the equivalent of 70mg of Valium a day but I still find energy to break down and dissociate. I also found a very qualified Psychologist near me, and she agreed to treat me. Just gotta send her the paperwork and schedule a date. It took months to find a Doctor with a decent amount of experience in DBT and Borderline treatment. Wish me luck guys, this vent has calmed me down a little. I am so fucking confused about what is happening in my brain, all the strange thoughts I'm having. You didn't have to read this TED Talk just to find out: Yeah, BPD is weird and it fucking sucks. But if you did read this. Thank you.