today was the first time i have cried in public. skipped my class and went to the most secluded area of my college campus and just cried for an hour. as a man, that was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. i feel so weak and ashamed of myself. i hate myself… i fucking hate myself. i am completely and utterly defeated. if my parents weren’t counting on me and if i didn’t have a little brother to look after i would be gone right this second. id do anything to die. there’s no hope left inside me anymore.