Last year was completly devastating for me. My gf broke up with me and I wasnt able to cope with it. All would have been fine if she didnt completly cut me off, but I understand why she did it. After the breakup I completly overreacted and was in a real bad mental state. I said and wrote dumb things to her so she decided that I shouldnt be part of her life anymore, in any way, shape or form. The problem is, that she was the only constant in my life. The only thing in my life I really cared about, I cared for and I felt appreciated by. Being all alone again is just too difficult for me. It has been 3 months and my mental health has steadily declined. I am angry at myself for ruining everything, for losing the most important person in my life by just being a fucking idiot. At least she can move on because I dont try to contact her or anything. This breakup has also shown that I dont live for myself. I live for other people. I do everything so other people either appreciate me or are not dissapointed or angry at me. I dont do anything for myself. I dont care about myself. I dont care about my life, I am like "whatever, in the end it doesnt matter anyways". Currently I take 2 different anti-depressants, both of which only really work for a few hours, have weekly therapy and meet up with my psychiatrist every month. In a few months I will go full time into an psychiatry for up to 2-4 months. i wish I could give my life to another person who would use all the assets that I have at my disposal, to be successful and happy in life. I don't know what to do anymore. I just hate who I am now, what I have done and that I waste my life so much. I dont know what I should do now. I wont kill myself or anything, I dont want to do that to my family because they would be sad and my mom is already sick so she might not survive it. But still. I dont want to life on like that