I can't handle it. It just hit me that I am alone. I suddenly felt empty and lost.

Ive recently been questioning my sexuality alot and wondering why i dated so many guys in college and university if I never had an attraction to them.

Its because I cant bare being alone. It drives me insane. Seeing an ex partner with another girl makes me cut myself or drink excessively. Even though I myself pretty much ended every relationship, except for maybe 1 or 2, i just cant bare the feeling of loneliness and rejection. I end up throwing myself to anybody who gives me any form of attention and it makes me sick. Im not attracted to these men so why do I put myself through this torture?

I want to explore what its like being in a relationship with a woman as a lesbian but its so hard being on my own. I just dont know what to do.

Ive pretty much just started ignoring all my friends coz it reminds me how lonely i am. How they all fancy the same girl but because ive come out as gay to them they suddenly dont give me any attention any more.

Im tired of not being good enough.