I just wanna let it out so here goes

This started about two years ago, In lockdown my mother was dealing with depression she had anxiety and had negative thoughts all the time. she cried almost everyday, i had important exams to study for but i had to look after my mother so I could not study and i never got good scores ( i used to be at the top of my class) like in one test i got a zero. After that everyone in my class started saying stuff like "he was such a good student last year what has happened to him" even all my teachers yelled at me. It really destroyed my confidence.

After a year my mothers mental condition started getting better but her personality really changed a lot ( btw i never had a good relationship with her , she was always focused on her own things , when i had lost confidence in studying and was depressed i tried to talking to her and she would just not pay attention to what i was saying like she would be on her phone or something ) her personality became really bad. I never had seen my parents ever fight but she then had a fight with my father , she was angry at him for all the wrong stupid reasons, like she once spent a lots of money without asking my father ( it was his money ) but my father forgive her even for that  because he loves her so much. But she did not want to live with my father anymore , i felt bad for him but I decided that I will stay by her side my father also wanted that. After some months something happened and it she told me that she did not need me and i should think that she is dead. I could not live with her after that. My father told me that he could not take my responsibility so i should go live with my grandparents house.

I could not just leave my high-school and join another one mid semester so i had to drop out. I moved to my grandparents house which is in another city. I was really depressed at first but i stayed strong and i tried to get my life back together again i started going to a gym, I joined a library to go and study there i read self help books but it has not helped with my depression it feels like im just distracting myself with all these things just to make myself think that im in a good place but the truth is im not.

I lost all the friends that i had, Im really awkward and i have not even made a single friend here. i even had a girl that i really really liked, i can probably never meet her again. my grandmother is a very mean person she's always says mean things to me all the time. Because of her i have lot's of restrictions on me i cant do most of the things i like. I even have many restriction on what clothes i wear. whenever i stay home to study she just makes me do all the chores and i cant study at all. She even insults me in front of people, guests. But i just have to listen to it all quietly and do whatever she orders me to do i have live like a dog just because i live in her house for free. Because of all this i have been feeling really depressed for some past weeks , I even have suicidal thoughts at time. I always ask myself whats the point in living ? I dont have any friends , i dont have my parents with me i dont feel loved by anyone... there is just no point i just think that one day ill be happy one day this will be over but will it be ? 

( If you have read this far thanks for that and sorry for my bad English im not a native speaker, my story is probably bad structured...)