16F

cw // mentions of pedophilia and beastiality and violence

along with adhd (which i’m skeptical of) i was diagnosed with ocd several months ago because of occasional intrusive thoughts and dermatillomania and trichotillomania. i’m hoping this is an ocd thing because i’m just so scared and i don’t want to tell anyone.

i’ve been having violent intrusive thoughts that mildly affect me about getting shot when a car passes by or getting hit by a car when riding in one or stabbing the people around me and i don’t know why. those thoughts don’t come as often though and don’t affect me too much.

this is what has been scaring me. i’m scared that i might be some kind of sick pedo or zoophile because of completely unwanted and vile thoughts about, well, csa and asa. what fucking horrifies me the most is that my body seems to have some kind of actual reaction to this, like i’m aroused or something when i don’t fucking want to be. i can’t tell if i’m actually a sick fuck or if my body is doing that mind-fuck thing where it immediately responds to things i tell myself are completely morally bankrupt or that i should not respond to them.

i’ve never been abused in any way, be it sexually or physically (besides spanking when i was much younger). i never watch gore excessively, though i’ve seen yiff a lot, but it has never affected me before this, as in i never had intrusive thoughts about actual animals before recently. should maybe mention that i’ve never masturbated to yiff and don’t have any really wild kinks that i’ve jacked off to. my neurodivergence fucks with my understanding of the workings of morality but i am well aware that beastiality and pedophilia is fucking wrong because the parties cannot consent.

i don’t know why this is happening to me and i’m scared of having children or another pet when i live on my own (i have a dog, cat, and bird). these thoughts come to me when i least want them to, like when i’m petting my dog i get vile images in my head and my body fucking responds to this shit, or maybe i feel it does. 

i’m fucking scared what do i do