“You just need to start having fun!”: I wish it was that easy for me....

I am 26 with complex PTSD and borderline personality disorder. Maintaining relationships has been difficult my whole life and let’s just say I am pretty friendless at this time. I push people away, become incredibly dysregulated when feeling rejected or abandoned, and have deep distrust about others. I also feel unlovable most of the time and so when people show me love and care, it often makes me uncomfortable and I back away and reject them.. not helpful to say the least. My therapist and some people from my old group therapy told me I just needed to start having fun. 

While I agree with them I also feel absolute irritation with that comment. While I want to socialize and have fun, often my CPTSD and BPD symptoms get in the way and it is so draining to put myself out there to socialize and go to events when I start having intrusive thoughts, hyper vigilance,anxiety, depression, suspicion, etc.

I feel so trapped and like I’m not living my life to my full potential—-like I’m not working in the career I went to school for because it’s too stressful, I’m not going out to events and concerts, having friends or dating like I’d like to because of mental health. I take lithium to stabilize my moods and kava as well. I will be starting emdr soon... I am also thinking starting medical marijuana... 

Anyways, when people say I just need to have fun, it feels like they are belittling my feelings/experiences and are basically telling me to get over it. I know I need to hand more fun and put myself out there.. and at the same time, I’m struggling to do it because it also harms me by being out there as I’ll often be in fight vs flight hypervigilant mode.

Anyways, what do you all think? Anyone relate?