20-22 age range for both of us. 1.5 year relationship but friends for YEARS.

We were amazing two weeks ago. She wrapped her arms around me, emotional and bawling, saying how she wants to have my babies and I’m the most important thing in her life. She doesn’t say things like this lightly.

Fast forward two weeks. Nothing major happens between us that would warrant a break or immediate loss of all romantic feelings, especially since we seemed so close and connected right before. She is 90 minutes away for college, so I saw her 2 weeks ago for a few days then saw her for the first time just Wednesday. Went to lunch and it was all good. We have texted/FaceTimed/played games plenty while apart, no division or issue there. Never has been from her being away.

She’s mentally not okay as of recent. Mental breakdowns because of school work and difficulty with classes and not performing to her expected top standards. Had to change her major even though she planned on the original one her ENTIRE life. Missed 3 days worth of mental meds. Had a carbon monoxide death scare. Started period which affects her mood usually. This all happened this week, school making her stressed and upset started in August. She constantly feels like she doesn’t give enough to me and it’s a ton of added pressure even though I assure her she’s a great partner.
 
I found a Reddit post yesterday she made absolutely slandering me and everything about me. Stuff she is guilty of too. It was so random, she was asking if she should leave me. It was really hurtful but so confusing since so much of it didn’t make sense. I wasn’t meant to see it and she thinks if we didn’t talk about it we may have been okay a bit longer. Not too sure about this but it really fucking hurt and a lot of it made no sense. It’s so confusing.

We had a talk…and now are on a break. Not seeing other people. We agreed she needs to get herself fixed first and foremost because her being borderline suicidal/institution level bogged down can’t continue nor can our relationship be added on top of this since it puts pressure on her(still don’t understand how).

This just makes no sense to me. We were so amazing just a bit ago. I was the most steady and supportive aspect of her life…yet I’m the piece that gets cut away.

Normal for someone to have no headspace nor romantic feelings due to so much mental turmoil…To the point of not wanting a relationship at the moment and putting stuff on pause!?

Please give insight because I’m an absolute mess and will be for a long time coming…