I'm laying in the middle of a gym staying with other people in my group for winer camp practice retreat (winter drumline, not the point) and I want to break and cut so bad I feel physically sick. My boyfriend is asleep but even when he isn't tomorrow I'll be at practice. The short time we have when we can talk just makes me feel rushed and anxious. But practicing even toward the end got harder because I'd disassociate or feel the pain of my old scars. I can picture it and I'm half tempted to break open my razor. But it's an expensive one that I got specifically because it has bands making it harder to open. I want to fucking do it break it open let it fall into my hand grasp it breathe in quick and let the red flow hard. I can feel it in my chest my short breathing and my terrible stomachache. I know exactly what will help...Please anyone someone help I'm sorry imi'm sorry god I'm so sorry