Why not die? The world is fucked up, life is fucked up, people are fucked up, and i cant do anything about it and dont care to even try anymore. Life is wonderful and sweet and beautiful and i love every single person on this earth, and nature, and coffee, and music, poetry. But the pain is too much  bigger and i cannot bear it anymore and i want to end life. And i curse God if there is life after death. I just want to rest. No more of this organic awful body that i must take care of, no more disappointing anyone, no more family, no more friends, no more fucking people at all. But i have not the courage. To die now will cause too much trouble and I will destroy my family’s life.  I dont want to search for a job and another college, and postgraduate, and money, debt, 9-5, fucking job interviews to make less than minimum wage, to repress who i am so i can fit into this world that demands things no human can offer. This world demands that humans hide their nature. And the vile, minuscule dome of the severely rich, the only ones who can escape this hell we’ve made of the world. All i want is to have a cup of warm coffee and a pack of cigarettes. Or more, i just want to breathe and not feel any pain at all. I just want to tell all those people who have raised me and watched me grow and who love me inevitably that i am sorry, that i love them, and i want them to let me go so i can die and not drag them to the hell hole that is grief.