I recently got diagnosed with BPD, my psychiatrist prescribed me (Paxil, Xanax and Quietapine) I've been on this meds for about a year and feel "fine" but also I have been struggling with alcohol consumption for several years, this because I just wanna feel "happy" and forget the shitty life I'm living. Whenever I drink I totally loose sense of reality and end up talking to random people or getting lost. I hate it, but there is one side of my brain that wants to screw me, the other side wants to win the Battle, it's like being scared to death OF MYSELF!!! 

I almost lost my job because of this, finding a decent paying job here in Mexico City is hard. I just feel really bad. HELP