I need labels. I need concrete explanations and boxes to fit things into mentally. I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety but things are a bit worse. Nobody seems to care or understand why I'm struggling so much. 

I've suspected that I might have BPD for some time. I have chronic emptiness and poor object constancy. By that I mean I forget about people and how they make me feel when they're out of sight or not contacting me. Then the intense loneliness comes to reclaim me and makes me feel passively suicidal because I feel like nobody loves me and I'm better off dead. I have high, chronic rejection sensitivity too. I seem incapable of having normal amounts of negative emotion. 

I'm dating someone and I literally feel like they don't give a shit about me unless they shoot me a text or explicitly say they like me. I keep waiting for the day they'll just leave me out of pure disinterest. 

It's been years. I'm on antidepressants and I see a therapist. But I'm so close to dropping off therapy. I've been through so many therapists already.