I've never thought about my own consciousness before. I'm in charge of this entire vessel. A vessel that confuses the hell out of me. A vessel that is unpredictable yet predictable at the same time. I'm just in a state of total confusion. Taking sleeping pills to get through the night. Constantly afraid. I have a loving and supportive relationship, loving family, wonderful friends, a job, and home of my own. But I'm so incredibly sad. I'm so lost.