Today, I finished my first job training as a barista. I’m 24 where the only “job” experience I had was two weeks as a cashier. I stopped earlier because my manager was mean and would throw my college degree back in my face. But that’s typical of my life 

Grew up in a horribly abusive household. My mom was the worst. Abusing me in many ways and leaving me mentally crippled. My dad was the enabler and now my younger brother who was once loving became a narc like my mom. My mom has since died but nothing really got better. 

Family doesn’t care, very few “friends”. At school I was always being bullied and abused even by teachers. College wasn’t any better as like they bottom percent I was bullied and sexually assaulted. 

I am working to save up as I plan to move out and go live in another state for my graduate. But this trauma that my bitch mom left me just hurts. At home I deal with so much invalidation 

Please don’t call me “strong” or say any positive crap

Don’t tell me to “run away” or “call the cops” 

I haven’t told anyone these thoughts I have today. I am self sabotaging and refuse to reach out. I lash out a lot and have hurt people in the  past. I lost friends over my anger 

What good am I. I am unfortunately too Chicken to bridge jump. I want to order SN but I’d reluctantly tell my therapist which wouldn’t be good. 

In the end my family would be responsible for killing me. It’s their fault and the trauma they left is too hard to heal. I’m tired 

So not nice positive shit. I just want to vent and be validated for fucking once