A few days ago I had a really good conversation with this person I like (as in seeking to be friends with). It didn't start out in an auspicious way at all, in fact, it was pretty crappy. I was just staring at our chat on discord and wondering why I always have to initiate every conversation and telling myself how he wasn't interested in me in all. But then I did tried listening to those guidelines they give for BPDers anddd even tho I was pessimistic af, I Long story short, I just kept messaging and we ended up having a great chat. He even offered to watch some stuff online and VC together. It was amazing feeling, like I actually did something right and was rewarded for my patience. I felt for the first time like, wow the advice you get from therapists actually fucking works if you stick to it uwu

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That was like four days ago. In the space of those days, I've gone from feeling super happy with myself and cheerful about life to pathetic and suicidal. To be fair some of it is unrelated (lots of schoolwork, illness), but this is the biggest part of it. I want to be friends with this guy, but he's always busy talking with his real friends, so I never get any attention. He never initiatives conversation. He answers my messages (most of the time), but I've been waiting a day and freaking half for him to text me and it's not happening :( So now I'm becoming more and more certain that he hates me and doesn't care about me, despite the fact that he spent the night at my apartment last week.

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Doesn't something seem off about this whole thing?? I know I have this disorder and I know it's crazy to feel one way and then a few days later feel completely different. But that's seriously where I'm at. I'm barely fighting the urge to start yelling at/guilt tripping this person. I know they dgaf about me since he failed to text me, but then why'd he agree to hang out with me? Nothing is clear anymore. I just am so upset and I know I want to let him know how angry I am, but I also know that will ruin another relationship forever.

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tldr, I keep going back and forth on whether this guy wants to be my friend or not and now Im v upset and it's distracting me all day. So hopefully someone here has some advice, I'd be really grateful Thnx