I used to be such a happy man. Every day was exciting, I enjoyed whatever I was doing, and very little accomplishments made me very confident.

Until I decided to improve myself. I started getting more girls, more money, more everything.

I was so happy, happier than before. I was 19 at the time. 

Then I met a girl. We talked daily, a lot, and vibed plenty. We never got to see each other again because covid lockdowns hit.

I was even happier during march and april of 2020 than ever before. Everything was coming together. 

Until she left. Because she was using me as some sort of pen pal, and never actually wanted to meet up again. 

After I realized this and stopped talking to each other. I died. I literally died and never went back to being the same person. I try and blame covid for making me depressed but I know it was her.

It's been a battle ever since. It's cycles of motivation, which end up crushed by a failed relationship. It just happened to me again. Met a girl who only wants sex from me and she cut me off.

I've been so numb and I realized life is just not worth living honestly, it became so boring. Even though I make a ton of money, do great in university, have a lot of friends and a lot fun things to do. 

But I'm mostly faking it. Only one friend has noticed this shift and told me like I sounded like I was dead.

What do I even do now? Has anyone experienced something similar?

Anyways, just needed to vent.