I met this amazing man and we started dating maybe a month and a half ago. I’m 22 and i’ve never been in a real relationship because I really only had time to focus on myself being as mentally ill as I am. I did have feelings for the same guy for almost 8 years and he has played mind games the whole time which caused me to be afraid of love. but once I met the guy I’m dating it all felt so soft and warm that I went for it anyways. recently I went out of my way to reach out to the abuser and my boyfriend found out but I lied to him. I eventually told the truth once we talked about it again. I don’t know why I do things like that because I have no sexual or emotional feelings for my abuser because he’s never benefited me and I love my boyfriend. I guess i’m here to ask if anyone does similar things? I don’t like using my BPD as a crutch but I can’t help and think it’s all that. why would I/do I care about my abusers approval for a happy life?