i (male, 20)  was waiting so long to post it/tell about it to anyone. Its been about a year since i feel this 24/h constant overwhelming tiredness and pain in my whole body. Making me do everything slower, making physical pain in my bones and muscles, stomach problems, stomache, migrenes, and making back hurt. I had really traumatic childhood so basically i was diagnosed with anxiety at 5 and then (even tho i don't remember any period of time when i wasn't depressed) when i was 17 i was diagnosed with depression and being suicidal, when i was 19 i had my first suicide attempt and spent half of holidays at psych yard. So basically, i felt like a zombie since always, now i feel dead brain since i started taking anitdepressants when a i was at the hospital. They made having eating disorder relapse (im better now), trouble eating and sleeping. Im going to therapy, taking my meds and trying really hard to keep going, take care of myself and stuff but lately i can't function like this anymore. Nothing i tried worked for me, i mean simply coffe or energydrinks, working out, going on walks and all that shit. I tried so many antidepressants and i feel like nothing is going to help me. I feel like im cursed or something, even thinking that this is a punishment for my past incarnation, idk. Therapy helps, but i feel like i should see her much more, at leat 3 times per week which is impossible, also i need to go to work! I lost my job almost 2 months ago. Im trans, and one of the employers rejected me bc of this. Im still looking for a new job and trying to starting tattoo ppl. Im on my ass all days doing nothing mostly and when one person comes over for a tattoo appointment, after few hours im so exhausted i'd go to sleep right away. Also there goes that im super afraid that maybe its not depression, but im also carrying some kind of tumor?? I feel like my whole body is like a broken machine. Its a nightmare, bc as much as i could handle my thoughts with therapy, meds doesn't help me and maybe its just all the side effects thay they might cause. Next time im gonna see my psychiatrist is December, i need help. I wanna have the energy to do basic stuff like get up from the bed or shower 😃 I know it may sounds normal to a person with clinical depression but i can't live like im a 80year old when im 20.