For the past two months or so I’ve been feeling great. Every now and then I’d have a bit of a dip in my mood but then I’d be all good, ready to take on the day, plenty of energy. But fast forward to now. I’m lying in my bed, unable to move, feeling completely alone. I was fine yesterday but now all of a sudden I feel hopeless. I wish I wasn’t here. I want to just move on. Be done. I’m sick of doing the same thing over and over. I’m a senior in high school. I’m so close to being done but what the hell am I supposed to do after this IS done. I’ve lost everything I had to live for. As in, the things I was living for have already passed. There’s nothing left. Not to mention that my friends seem to have lost interest in me. I make comments, try to crack a joke at the lunch table, and they don’t bat an eye. It got to the point where I would sit there with one hand slightly raised literally waiting to be called on by my friends so that I could make a comment without interrupting.  Still have no therapist, no outlet for my emotions because my parents don’t believe in my depression that I’ve been diagnosed with several times. It’s becoming unbearable. So here I am on Reddit for some god forsaken reason because while I don’t want to live I also don’t want to die.

Sorry for the long post.