

I recently started to cross from friends to maybe more with a friend of mine and we're kind of feeling out whether we're compatible but one thing that's really difficult for me is that she's very kinky and experienced sexually and I'm not. I was only ever with my ex and I never got to explore or experiment with her. Me and my friend are both switches (we can be dominant and submissive for those not familiar with the term) and it's been really nice to explore and talk to someone about sex and kinks more freely. The difficult part is my own trauma. I could write a book on it but I've been used and abused my entire life and it's made it difficult to express either my dominant or submissive sides really. Submitting requires trust that I find very difficult to have in people. I have a hard time expressing my more dominant side too. We'll be flirting or sexting and I can't manage to go for it and say the things I want to do to her. I can't take charge. I'm self-aware enough of my trauma to know it's because I was always told what I want doesn't matter, that I have to be nice and sweet and kind and agreeable. Stepping out of that box is terrifying. I really want to but it's so hard. I'm worried if I can't manage to she'll think that we're not compatible that way and we are. I definitely have both a more dominant and submissive kinky side to me. It's just terrifying for me to express it. I really want to talk to her about it but I'm afraid that will screw things up too. That she'll think less of me or see me differently or think I'm weak and she'll give up on seeing where things go between us. I really wish I could just suck it and take the leap but it's just too hard.