It started as a kid. I had a friend I had a crush on, and when I told him, he told me “I was ugly and no one would ever love me.” He bullied me from then until he graduated HS. For some absolutely bizarre reason, I obsessed over him, fantasizing that he would change and fall in love with me and his friends would become my friends. 

I found myself in something similar now. I had a bf who treated me like trash. He would abandon me, come back, silent treatment, show up uninvited, come over hours late, not show up at all, invalidate my feelings, etc. He even told me once that he cheated on ALL of his girlfriends. I was silly enough to think I was different and excluded from that bucket. I also made excuses for all of these behaviors. He was also a sex addict, and luckily I tested neg for everything, but I have zero idea how I lied to myself so much. I pulled the same messed ip fantasy of thinking he loved me, we would be married, and that he just needed to find himself or that maybe something wasn’t ok. I had a whole fantasy of him in my head. The difference with this relationship though is that he was right in front of me showing me who he was, and I ignored it all. He even said to me once that I don’t listen to what he said. It’s true. I feel like I’m delusional, and I’m really ashamed because I do this every time. I am writing this because I fell into the same pattern again but I think I am pulling away because I’m trying to be more mindful, but it’s really upsetting.

Anyone else?