This is overwhelming 

Recently I found out I have bdp traits that go along with my CPTSD and GAD 

for me i have been splitting and it’s been very short periods of time reoccurring throughout the day 

It’s extremely annoying and repetitive 

How the hell do I make it stop? 

 
I just want to feel one way towards my partner but he’s either an angel or a devil in my eyes. His own goddamn fault for crossing relationship boundaries and being a scumbag. Holy shit I hate men and their stupid brain functions

Sometimes but rarely I will have a normal feeling with him which is absolute bliss 

but right now my patten is 
Split (hate him)
disassociate
 come back to sanity for 10 minutes
feel amazing (I love him so much I’m so lucky, and fantasise over future together) 
remember him being a fuckwit
feel anxious
split
disassociate.
Repeat 3X 

 
for some reason I never show it
So In his eyes we have a great relationship but secretly when he’s at work and sometimes when he’s around me I fucking hate him. Lately it’s been building up and I just wanna scream in his face and hurt him but I know it’s not the right thing to do so I just suffer in silence. 

 I do really love him, just hate the baggage he has caused me. BPD wasn’t even a prevalent problem until I got with him. I don’t know what’s worth the emotional toll these days and what isn’t. 

Sorta off topic but out of curiosity who else gets crazy angry when they are horny but can’t cum, is that a bdp or personal thing? No girls I know seem to have a problem with it except me