  I'm going on 4 yrs active therapy and have found comfort in my skills to reframe my perspective. I feel more comfortable in myself around people. I have become more mindful in my actions, and recognize I have a long way to go in that aspect. I do not have that feeling of being misunderstood or negatively judged as I did for the majority of my life. I have also become comfortable not investing energy or value having to be right. Feelings of validation recieved by my manipulation of others for/or accepting faulty beliefs to protect my ego, evaporated.
    As a result, I discovered joy in, and developed greater depth of appreciation in the world around me, my family/ friends/ peers. I can feel this reflected back!!! 
    I have been growing in my sense of worth, and self love ever since. 
  None of this occurred through diligence or a light from above providing clarity. The delusions which formed the structure I shaped life around completely collapsed. At that time, due to me being oblivious to, and in denial of the health of my marriage. 
   The catalyst  was minor event that exploded into chaos I should have been able to avoid If I had been aware/ mindful at the time. 
   I stayed late one evening at work unwittingly and whenmy wife called me ask where I was I was rude and indignant. ( all office doors had to closed due to covid) At there.I had no idea of the time. The.resulting argument led to the opportunity for me to manifest the perfect expression of my BPD. My wife was.starting to become hysterical at my expressions of delusion and lack of self control. Before we lost our shit fighting, I had my wife.
call our therapist, not an expression of compassion or empathy, I expected her to be wrong, and wasn't going to be nice once.the.therapist would recognize
   and call her out.

I was listening.from our bedroom, my wife was  talking to therapist, and I highjacked the session, when her story and my perception of event didnt'

 I even weathered a MAJOR crisis, in an area life I felt the most stability in, my job.  

hat brought focus of  the significance in my decisions/actions taken last year. Engaging in risky/ unhealty behaviors are an area that I am working on. I have a lot of difficulty with this one, I am gonna expaned on that. I like to get high. found that it can be very difficult at times to assess the validity/ healthiness of my logic, I'll expand on that.

as a very abusive person