i'd like to think i'm this emotional because of my menstrual cycle, because normally i'm not like this until days prior of it, but i don't know anymore. i'm so painfully tired of being alive. day after day it's more and more fuck ups and ruining things. just today i've been told by my FP that i'm suffocating and to leave him alone because he feels he can't breathe around me. yet he won't cut me off. and i know if i made the choice to it'd be even worse as i have no idea how he'll react to it. i just don't know what else i can do. his vision of me has become so distorted because of my own actions and i wish i could just die and restart everything all over again. he sees me as argumentative, attention hungry, suffocating and i'm sure the list goes on but it hurts to know that my own actions lead him to think i'm such a cruel person whose every action has an ulterior motive. i hate living with this disorder. i hate that it's so misunderstood and when i try to tell him i do x because of my symptoms i'm just using it as an excuse. i hate being perceived as if i do things to hurt others on purpose. i've never once intentionally hurt someone i've cared about without. and when i do end up hurting someone i feel horrible about it. i wish there was something to make this all go away. everything's so painful. even now where i'd say i'm more emotionally stable than i've ever been &amp; havent has an outburst at anyone in months im still suffocating to be around.