It’s the only time I feel true peace and I don’t have to experience being me. I purposefully disassociate and I smoke lots of weed too so that doesn’t help. Sometimes I go so deep into an episode that my eyes will be completely open but everything around me is blank and my whole body is numb, like i’m turning into my surroundings and i’m not in my body. When this happens it feels like i’m stuck and can’t move. It happens anytime i’m not stimulated. Mainly in showers but it could be anywhere ESPECIALLY if I have a stressful thought about an fp or something. I can see why people would find it scary but is it normal to enjoy it?