Hi. I’ve been working on myself since a stint in the psych ward in few mo the ago. Got formally diagnosed w/ BPD. Taking meds, going to therapy. Rekindling relationship w/ my family. Trying to be better. 

It’s end of the year, and I’m reminded of how much I hate my grad school cohort. How I don’t belong. How I’m alone and clearly too broken to exist. After a few objectively minor interpersonal disappointments, I lost my shit yesterday. Oscillating between sobbing and dissociating. I thought about suicide for the first time in a while. 

I might still be in an episode right now, splitting on my mom. 

I feel like I’m worse than I’ve been before the psych ward. I wasn’t happy but I was performing. Now I’m neither.