I'm exhausted. I've been alone for years &amp; I don't have any friends other than people online. but they all do. i see people going out on trips hanging out. makes me even more miserable everyday. I'm happy for them they have lives but I just can't go on anymore. family's toxic as well I'm 21 but brown so basically in this stupid fucking country I'm still a "kid" i tried &amp; visited one of my online friends &amp; my acts like i went to a hooker. &amp; it's okay for her to act like one on social media but i can't visit a friend. I've been the shoulder to cry on for all my online friends day or night. I wasn't expecting anything back but it's now that I realize that nobody would do the same for me. I'm keeping this app called "dare" to speak to whenever I'm depressed or having a panic attack. that doesn't seem like a good option to rely on everyday. some online friends would listen but I don't need a fcking caretaker. they'd just send a sticker or say they're with mr but I'd kill for a conversation. to just talk without me being the only one to keep the conversation going it sounds like a Q&amp;A. what am I gonna do? beg for them to keep talking? i really want to die &amp; leave all this behind. I don't have anything to live for