I go about my day not thinking much of it, with constant distractions. I fall asleep to videos and the sounds of people talking so I don’t have to hear what’s going on in my head. 
But when those distractions become mundane and the world becomes a little bit too quiet, I fantasize about different ways to end my life. (not going to mention any ofc). I feel at peace when I think about that. I can’t act on them right now, family is my deterrent. But I feel sometime in my life, when I’m sitting alone in an apartment, I may be tempted. I see nothing wrong with it if I have no one to grieve my loss. Once my family is gone, I’ll most likely be gone too.