Honestly, I’ve been doing a lot better recently until I had an unfortunate incident with my therapist this week where she ignored my boundaries around not wanting to share something and started guessing at it for 5 minutes straight until she got it. Even though I was dealing with it in healthy ways and talking about it with people in my recovery, I told her I didn’t want to share it, just because I felt like I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that there was something. I felt too much shame to say no to her guessing, and, afterwards, she seemed excited about it and it felt like she was rubbing in the event in my face. I really honestly tried every healthy coping mechanism that wouldn’t be dangerous to me, and after none of them worked, decided to go to sleep to cool down and avoid turning my anger inwards. (In hindsight, for context, I’m in residential step down treatment) She then decided to come down and apologize, but really just put her hand on my shoulder, which I never said was okay, then proceeded to yet again rub it in my face and tell me that I was in the right place and that everything would get better. That was the last thing I wanted to hear, so I went and punched a wall until I had to get rushed to the ER. My fist was fine, just extremely swollen and bruised, with some scabs on my knuckles, and I didn’t break anything since I used a concrete wall, specifically. Still, since then, this thing I had previously been able to accept is just taking up all of my headspace and I constantly feel like I’m going to break down screaming, and I’m also out of hands to bruise. I’m honestly just on here as a last ditch attempt because maybe it’ll be better than throwing away one year of sobriety. I just really don’t know what to do right now.