Two weeks ago, I was ghosted by my 5 year relationship partner. We were a long distance relationship at this point and it appeared that things were going just fine. Expect I was wrong. He blocked me from all social media, blocked my phone number, even my email. Just gone. No answers, no explanation, no good byes. All that was left was pure silence, ultimate rejection, abandonment issues . I was devastated, I hadn't stopped crying for days. I don't do well mentally with what if's and unanswered questions. It makes me insane and consumes my entire thought process. He knew this about me, he knows my BPD struggles and yet, he felt that this was the best and only way to end our relationship. 

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  Fast forward to Wednesday this week, I was having an incredibly hard day after having dreams about him calling me, or finally seeing him and holding him.. this was incredibly damaging dreams for me. I went to my therapist and tried to talk out my pain, didnt feel any better. I decided to journal  my emotions out, still didnt feel any better.  On my way home from all the running around I had to do, I started my drive home . The road conditions were slick from it beginning to snow, and you know what that means.  People forget how to drive properly. I made it almost two blocks from home, when a car thought they could make a left hand turn across 2 lanes of traffic. Well needless to say this car couldnt makes it across quick enough and I couldnt break fast enough. BOOM head on collusion, every air bag in my car went off,  my glasses were completely knocked off my face and I was beyond confused as to what had just happened. Flashing lights, sirens,  snow flakes falling onto my face as i stumble out of my car. I dont' know how I'm walking after that accident but I am. My whole front end was destroyed and the other car was pretty fucked as well. But while standing outside in all the chaos, I realized that nothing else in the world matter. Not the busted car in front of me, or the heart break I had been experiencing all day,  not my job or all the worldly drama that infects us every day. None of it. All that matter was I was alive. Since then I have been in a completely different  place. I no longer find myself longing for someone who no longer wants me. I thought about how he would have reacted if he had heard about my accident and I realized that it doesn't matter. There are still plenty of people out there who love me and care that I'm alive. And that's what I wanna remind everyone here. That you are important and lovable despite our minds telling us other wise.