I can’t handle being myself anymore, I can’t take this daily torture that goes inside of my head. I can’t handle these emotions that make me lash out and embarrass myself. I just want to be someone else who isn’t a huge cunt. I literally cried this morning because I couldn’t find something and I was in a rush. I hate the fucking mornings, rushing and panicking to get ready for work. I couldn’t handle the fact that I couldn’t find something I needed and panicked and smashed my head and arm with metal. Now my head hurts and my arm hurts when I move my fingers. My boyfriend can’t stand me and always threatens to kick me out. I’m losing my job in September, which I JUST got and it’s perfect for me. I can’t even afford the little bit of bills I have due soon, I fucking hate adulthood.

I just want to fucking kill myself because I know I’ll never be who I want to be. I’m stuck in this fucked it brain that tries to ruin my life. I don’t even have any friends I can talk to. No body fucking understand me, and I know how emo that sounds. god I just don’t want to be me anymore, I’m not a good person. Fuck you random people that decided to give birth to me. Fuck you parents for raising me to be this way. Fuck you boyfriend, for being so hot headed. Fuck you world for being allowing humanity to be this retarded. Putting people with conscious minds was an unfair mistake.

No I don’t feel better because I’m just gunna have another argument or meltdown today and probably 2 times tomorrow and the next day and the next day. Oh yeah, and I get to be broke. Nothing gives me happiness anymore. I knew this was all a mistake and I should have done it years ago when I wasn’t afraid of death.