My depression and anxiety began in high school. My sophomore year is almost entirely a blur - I don’t remember any of it because of how deep in a fog I was. I came out of it slightly the following year, just enough to become aware what I was actually going through but not enough to rise entirely above it. 

My symptoms prevented me from pursuing things that interested me. Creative writing, music, relationships, among other things. I spent most of my time thinking, masturbating, sleeping, playing video games… the usual escape. 

I feel like I saw the light at the end of the tunnel during quarantine. I was given a break from the path I was going on that allowed me to gain a lot of perspective. I switched career paths at 22 and pursued my dream career in creative writing. Now, at 23, I’m just starting to really explore my love of music and production. 

But I can’t help feeling like it’s too late for me to really realize my potential at either of these things. If I could turn back the clock 8-10 years, pursuing these things when I first wanted to without the depression, I’d probably be amazing at both by now. 

Can’t shake the feeling that I’ve lost something I’ll never get back.