I don't even know how to start this post. fkkk I was diagnosed about 6 years ago now. I have avoided serious romantic relationships for the last 8 years or so, after I realised it was much easier for me to cope with life by having multiple sexual partners and not getting too deep into romantic relationships. Basically I had a few girlfriends and would go between them without getting too emotionally involved. Which was pretty unhealthy in itself.

Anyway, that was fine until I met a beautiful young woman about a month ago now. I decided to take the relationship seriously, stop seeing other women and commit to her. Shes amazing and I never thought I would meet someone like her. So smart, cheeky, beautiful, I could go on but you get the picture, I am very much starting to fall for her. We have heaps of fun together and everything is pretty healthy except for when she leaves. 

We live separately and when she goes I feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness and despair. If I don't hear from her for over 24 hours I really start to freak out and things start going 100mph in my head. I start thinking she is hurt, or she is upset with me, its over... a number of other uncomfortable feelings. 

For example, We were meant to go on a date tonight but she got held up with work and had to cancel. I completely lost is, not at her, but within myself. I started thinking she was over me or she was in trouble, all that negative crap, then I started thinking about other girls again and who could keep me from getting lonely. I started thinking about how I'm going to deal with life if she breaks up with me... 

Then she called. She apologised about having to cancel our plans, told me she misses me and all those negative feelings I was feeling were put to rest. All good again... 

She has no idea how much I freak out/doesn't know at all because I don't want to put pressure on her to keep me sain, but it is getting really fn hard for me to keep my emotions in check when I a missing her. I am really trying to not mess this up. I hate having BPD.

I guess I'm just scared about feeling this way and need to find a way to deal with it so it doesn't affect our relationship.

Does anyone have any tips or advice for people with BPD who are just starting out in a serious romantic relationship? It would be helpful to hear from others! I am missing her a lot tonight.

Thank you in advance :) 