She wanted to go for a walk last week. I didn’t go I was too anxious. Voice message her saying I was sorry and i was too anxious to go. In my anxiety I noticed I texted her that but didn’t say why I didn’t go. 

Then I couldn’t even message her and thought I was blocked. Either FB messed up or she deactivated her account. Turns out she just took a break? Or FB messed up but we’re still FB ‘friends’.

Sent a cute meme a few days ago.

Then I thought what’s the point? It takes 5 seconds to say “sorry I’m busy but I’ll message later”. I just wanted to have a conversation and make sure she was okay? 

This reminds me of my depressed friends who complain about being depressed yet take 0 steps to help themselves. I mean assuming she’s depressed but the principle?

Is this just some emotional reaction? A fleeting thought of blocking her came to mind. Why? Better than being ignored. Relationships are give and take. What am I  taking even? I was probably just excited when I was into her and hoped for the best when she wanted to go slow. But it’s been six months since I told her and I can’t get ahold of her anyway?? So... what’s the point? I spent so much time worrying this is silly.

Is this some sort of AVPD-esque defense mechanism?