I hope I don't offend people here, and if I do please tell me. I am confused if my partner is feeling her "true" emotions or whether she's splitting, I am afraid to ask her because I think of this certain question may come off as invalidating. I wonder what can I do to help her identify her emotions or differ splitting and her "true" emotions.

I want to know this because whenever we get into a fight, she says things that she would eventually not mean by the time she's okay. As a man with ADHD, it's honestly a blessing to be forgetful, I don't remember 80% of the hurtful things she said. I'm not tired of her, but it's very frustrating to feel unhelpful.