Hey, y’all! I (19MTF) am going to be heading back to university in the fall. I started transitioning in March, stopped this summer due to unsupportive family, and am going to start back up again in September. I’ve been seeing a therapist and working on my BPD among other issues (ASD, gender dysphoria, ADHD) and I’ve made some progress. 

(End point in last paragraph if you’d like to skip ahead)

TW: substance issues, poor mental health

I go to university internationally and as such I have a lot of independence. I was in such a bad mental spiral, I hardly remember the last month or two because I was isolating myself, was disassociating constantly, I slept all day and was up all night, and I had a bit of an issue with cigarettes and a few other drugs as I was getting over an alcohol issue. 

I was kind of trying to block out my negative thoughts and feelings with anything that would distract me. It took me a month and a half of doing absolutely nothing at home to get over my broken mental state and cigarette dependency. 

I’m going to be going back in a completely better place with a lot of new skills I learned to help myself, hopefully some official diagnoses that will give me some academic accommodations, and hopefully I’ll start medically transitioning!

I’m finally feeling like myself again, for the first time in a while, and I don’t want to lose it. But being a 19 year old on her own in university can lead to some drama that’s naturally pretty stressful, and I don’t want to relapse into any old behaviors. 

Does anyone have any ways they can stay calm and safe when they have self destructive inclinations? I usually just try to eat candy instead of do drugs or smoke and play video games instead of having sex with strangers or walking around town at night by myself, but sometimes I still need more help.