Firstly, I'm not suicidal and I don't want to die. I'm just tired of fighting a losing battle. Even if things feel positive for a while, it either gets taken away from me or I just end up right back in this horrible empty position of self loathing and wishing I didn't have to be here. I'm tired of struggling and watching life pass me by.  Depression is a daily battle, it's hard work and it's painful. It's a job I know I'll never retire from and that kills me every fucking day