I have $2 to my name.
My car is a gas guzzler and idk how I'm going to get to my work. Just started a job. Just got enough money so my electricity doesnt get turned off. My oil tank is almost empty. It's about to be winter in Maine. So it's cold. Lol. 20f in november. My fiance's seasonal job ended in October. His unemployment is late. Got Christmas coming up for my 4 kids. My w step daughters mom left the state. Left her kids. My son thankfully has a good support system with his family. I also have a 9 month old. Thank god I'm able to get food. Please dont make negative comments about the size of my family. We were doing well when my fiance was working. His epilepsy is rough because if he works I can't because I have to drive him.
My mom is dependent on us for money so shes not getting any either. I've borrowed money from my dad already to just pay for gas. I just started my job last week so I wont get paid until early December. I feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into my depression. I wish I got a job sooner. Kept holding out on that unemployment. I wish I wasnt such a loser. My extreme social anxiety and depression faze I'm in is killing me. Working has always been hard for me. I usually get so depressed I stop going. My entire family is counting on me to not fuck up. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders while battling my bi polar and ocd. I've hit rock bottom. I dont think I can go any lower. I have had some bad thoughts. I cannot go to my counseling either because of my work hours. I dont even know what to do with myself. I'm an absolute failure. I'm paranoid everyone at work hates me. I'm disgustingly shy and come off as rude.

Sorry for the rant and my bad paragraphs. I'm stupid and dont understand paragraphs in general.