I've thought a lot about the work I'm doing with myself to become more a more tolerable person and it's so exhausting I wanna give up. I think about my actions more than ever, now. 

I think about my actions now more than ever. My fp/ex's new partner followed me on Instagram and I immediately wanted to text him "why the fuck did your girlfriend follow me" and start an argument.

On one hand I'm happy that I don't put him through hell anymore but on the other hand I'm not myself anymore. I used to live so genuine, starting fights and vocalizing my mood swings, falling in love in days and acting impulsively. 

I feel so bottled up like an easy form of my personality people can digest, like taking a pill. I feel like people don't understand me because they're getting a version of me that is not true. But who even is that anyway?

I want to be outwardly borderline but I know that's not okay. It's so hard to keep friends because of this, but it's hard to keep friends without restraint on my mental health either. 

Feeling hopeless. Any advice?