This is gonna be a long one aaaaaa

I lived nearly my entire life thinking that I was just always going to be too socially awkward and strange to really get along with. Ever. I'm the type of isolation-loving person that plays video games, watches YouTube and sleeps recreationally.

It's just strange, because I wouldn't really say I've changed much over the years other than maturing, learning to mask and make genuine attempts to better my mental health. I've dealt with depression pretty heavily since I was about eleven years old, it really came to a head at 15, and ever since then it's been kinda chill. Present, but not aggressively eating away at all times.

I'll always have chronic depression, but it's just weird to me.. I used to get bullied heavily as a child. You could always boil this down to the statement everyone reaches for. "Kids are just assholes." It's true to an extent, but there's some really nice kids out there, too. And there's really rude adults out there who don't quite behave like your typical, well-rounded, functioning adult. I meet my fair share of all sorts of people. 

It's not like everyone's nice to me... It's just that I used to get bullied pretty severely for multiple reasons. My appearance, my hobbies, my interests, even down to the music I listened to. I've always been quite tall and on the heavier side. I made a few friends and a handful of acquaintances by the time I graduated high school. The closest ones aren't really a part of my life any more, which I'm okay with. I think we all just grew apart one way or another. We enabled each other in pretty bad ways and the only way to grow was apart. I'm rambling about this now. My point is, I learned how to not be so socially inept. 

Maybe my job has to do with people suddenly wanting to befriend me so often? I work as a karaoke host at a bar now, so I entertain others 4 hours a night five nights a week. I have beloved regulars, and I vastly enjoy seeing new singers stop by, especially when they compliment my sound system. I definitely enjoy socializing more than I did when I was younger- however, I still have a minuscule social battery and barely ever desire actually talking with people outside of work and a couple of close friends, plus my S/O.

I know this is probably a very niche problem, but it's actually quite overwhelming. I don't see what makes me so "cool" or "awesome" to a lot of these people who constantly ask if we can chill outside of the bar I work at, etc. Of course I'm flattered, that should go without saying! But I think people's time should be valued, and not only am I not worth their time (IMO), but I'd also probably rather sit at my desk, and play some games on Steam or something, which is sad. I know. It's just what I got used to in my formative years. Maybe I've been spoiled by my internet-centric upbringing, and socializing almost strictly online during said upbringing has become enough to satisfy me, so socializing in person is just overwhelming to me at a point? But even so, I can hardly keep up with my internet friends at times.

TL;DR I used to get bullied tf out of but now people love me and my stinky gremlin brain doesn't know how to comprehend this.

I'm not sure. Any advice or input is greatly appreciated, it'd at least be nice to know that I'm not alone in this predicament.