Wall of text-sorry!!!

So my partner of 10 Mos and I are both diagnosed BPD. Been living together for about 5 mos now, just got a puppy together last month. 
Everything had been fine, we were both in treatment and seeing weekly councillors, though the usual ups and down of BPD were still there, we handled it amazingly and it gave me hope for a real, healthy, lasting relationship.

 Id struggled in the past with going 'boarder lion' and kicking her out of my apartment. Since the puppy I've stuck to my rule to not do that, it's not the real me and I remember how it feels to be on that side. 

So last night. All day I was in a bad mood, looking for jobs and filling out applications online. I asked her to take the dog for a walk somewhere for a few hours, as I needed some space. I asked her this almost an hour before she finally left as Id asked, so if course here I am fuming that she's puttering around and doesn't respect my space.

She leaves, I have some me time and am just starting to feel somewhat like myself, and she storms back in with the dog. Words are exchanged, I told her Id txt when I was ready and she completely disregarded that. She again takes her time puttering around before going out again.
Now I'm all roar-y. Starting from square one trying to get my shit together, and knew I was failing. Sent her a txt 'please don't come home tonight'. She has both parents nearby and friends, I was not leaving her without a place to go, but knew I wouldn't be ok all night. 
The sane, non BPD part of her knows that I wasn't trying to kick her out.
But apparently she'd gone over the edge too.
She called her father and came and picked up all her things, just like before when it was my fault and i was kicking her out. I repeatedly, and pretty calmly, kept reminding her as she packed that I didn't want this and she was choosing to go. I also said that I can't do it again, if she takes her things and leaves they aren't coming back. 
She left, saying 'you don't want me you don't love me' with tears in her cheeks. I called out that I love her and I hope she feels better.

She texts me in the evening, blaming me for 'not caring, not trying, not loving me' nasty, mean things Id never heard her say. Sure we've fought, but she called me out on a failed past relationship, she was aiming to hurt-and it did.
She told me she was going to kill herself. She had 96 morphine pills and a bottle of vodka. 
I told her I understood the feeling, but hoped she wouldn't do it. 
Then I passed out for three hours Cuz of all the lorazepam I took.
When I woke, I called her, as Id heard nothing and the last message wasn't good. Her mother answered, apparently shed left her phone at home and taken off somewhere. Her mother reemed me out, blamed me, told me I'm 'fucked in the head'- her mother that had met me once. 
Anyhow, desperate for info I bite my tongue and we txt, she's taken off hours ago, her mother isn't out looking but made a phone call to the police, they won't take a report for 24-48 hours. I tell her where I think she'd run off to, and try to be civil through the blame of a panicked parent. I ask her to keep me updated, and if by the morning no info I am coming to find her.


I spend all night in the worst anxiety and panic. I call every hospital, cop shop, and clinic I can think of. Nobody will give info over the phone, though my gut tells me she's in *that* hospital -thy transferred me to the charge nurse. 
HShe told me 'I hope you enjoy the guilt' in one of her last texts. I can't stop thinking about that. She chose to leave, I told her I love her. I went through all of this in my last relationship- 
But I was on her side of it.

At exactly 9 am her mother texts me that they are home from the hospital, apparently she was found (by the lake-as i said) by someone comin back from fireworks, I didn't get much detail but she must've been in a bad state, the police were called. 
Apparently her mother, father, and lawyer all went in to get her off of the 'Form 1' and allow her to go home with her mother. 
My mother received this text from "her" at 9 am as well:
 Yes I am now
Took too many and drank too much.
Was found by someone after fireworks and police were called 
My stuff is out of there and its not going back, neither am I 
I had an epiphany last night and that was that no one, especially her, is worth killing myself for

I just...  Don't know what to do. I don't think for a moment that's her texting, it sounds much more like her mother. And seeing as she'd just ODd she wouldn't really be able to text.

I'm waiting for her to wake up at her moms. I don't know what'll happen. I don't know if she'll even contact me. I don't know if she will want to come back, and I don't know if I should let her. I don't know how any of this happened. Her family clearly hates me, and though this relationship has been my healthiest, and I love her more than I've ever loved anyone, and I finally SAW a future with her, not just a fantasy. 

She helped me when I was losing it, but I didn't do these things, she stood by my side. I'm so torn. I want to stand by hers, but sometimes I need to be okay before I can help you be okay. 