TW: Please don't read if you are in a bad place. Su*cide, murd*r, violence TW.  21F. So about 7 months ago i was depressed. I have severe OCD and ADHD. At my all time low. Maybe even suicidal. It was a second wave of COVID that time so we were all on lockdown. However one day my friends and i met up. I was actually kind of happy that day. After meeting them. Had fun. Now while going home i begged one of my friend to let me drive his car just for a while. Mind you I am a terrible driver and i had never driven in the dark. It was Twilight. He gave me his car key. I was surprised. While going to the car or before i asked him to drive, (i can't remember) i kept getting these bad and sad thoughts about how once i go home i will get bad thoughts again and i kept getting suicidal thoughts. However i ignored them and well my friends and i went in the car and i tried to drive them. It was a fail. I couldn't drive at all. I drove v slow and i kept screaming and turned on the wrong side of the road that i gave the car back lmao. I went home and laughed at this incident. It became a joke. I told my friend about how i had never driven in the dark and that's why it was so bad. However half a month later i got this idea that maybe i begged to drive because i was suicidal. I mean sure i had intentionally taking more risks because i didn't care if i died or not. But that shouldn't count as a suicide and murder attempt right? Idk what to do.
Edit: i just found a text where i told my friends the day before this incident that i have started indulging in risky behaviour. Driving his car was one of it. I feel horrible for endangering my friends. I couldn't drive and hadn't driven for months but i told my friend i could. I don't know if this is a connection i am simply making or what. Please help me. It became a joke and i was laughed at. But does it count as attempted murder?