I love him, I love the times we have been spending together lately and would consider us good friends. I'm attracted to him, it used to be the best sex of my life, and I thought maybe over time I could transform that lust into a deeper connection but I rarely feel it other than when we are sharing a joint together. 

Since the beginning I have been trying so hard to ignore the parts of his personality I don't like. We have almost opposite core values. Every week or so it's the same. I feel uneasy and trapped, he says or does something I don't agree with, and I try to look for (or start) disagreements that support this evidence he's not a good person. 

I feel like I'm having an identity crisis because how am I supposed to know what I want from a partner, if I don't even know who I am or want to be? Then I start panicking because I'm so terrified of being alone without him in my life. 

The worst part? I don't even know what's real anymore. Now that I think I'm splitting I feel like my brain just makes this stuff up to try to get rid of him.


Is it normal to ignore parts of your SOs personality you don't like? Is this what 'healthy' attachment feels like? 