TW: diagnosed illness. Hospital. Medical details. Death. 


Last night around two am, I was trying to sleep, as I have been for months, but I couldn't. I could visibly see twitching in large quantities on my left side chest and ribs. I got up, took a shower and instead of the feeling getting better it got worse. So I gathered myself (barely) and took myself to the hospital. I ended up having some crazy levels that indicate a UTI orr kidney problem. I made a follow up appointment for literally tomorrow and got antibiotics but I couldn't help but get lost in the sauce when I got diagnosed. All of a sudden I could attribute everything I feel from chest pain to dizziness to a kidney problem. Issue is all my symptoms are mainly signs of major kidney problems and I freaked myself the fuck out. I'm back at the hospital now because I couldn't handle the idea that I had severe kidney issues without someone taking a look. I'm so scared because I have no idea which symptoms of my anxiety fucking around with me and which ones are real now that I know any of them are real. Is there a mantra you use in this scenario? I just wanna live a long life and watch my kids grow up and maybe be a grandma or something but the feelings I feel right now make me so scared that I have serious kidney problems and I need help coping with the fact that it's a very real possibility.