I'm getting to the point where I really think I need a sleep study (perhaps if I overcome my fear of getting a job and don't completely fall apart, which looks like where I'm headed because I'm not able to get the help I need, so this will just crash and burn and I'm too far gone already to fight for the help I need after nine months straight of mining every resource and driving people bonkers because I keep coming back for more referrals because everything is fucking full or too expensive for someone living on a credit card and a hundred dollars).

I just can't sleep. I wake up after four hours, even with a face mask, ear plugs, chamomile tea and calcium (without those I couldn't sleep at all). I sometimes can get a second four hours if I keep chamomile tea by my bed to chug down.

I read that people with narrow airways often have insomnia (my friend who worked in a sleep lab looked at my throat and commented that it was narrow and said it really couldn't hurt to do one). That after four hours our bodies go into deeper REM cycles, our heart rate can go up and our breathing can becomw more rapid, while our throat and tongue muscles are more relaxed, which means with narrow airways especially, that they will narrow more and it's hard to breathe so we wake up. We have more intense REM cycles at the second four hours, and that's the time I struggle to sleep. I don't recall much dreams either, if that means anything, I used to have such vivid ones when I slept better, oddly.

I don't know what I'm saying. I'm so tired. 

