And failed... Literally the best part of my week was stumbling into a TikTok sub and spending way too long there... Which only made me realize that all the people I reached out to left me feeling more empty than a few stupid internet videos.

I need a support system but everyone I reached out to either treated me like an ungrateful asshole for being suicidal (and I accept I was being very negative about it, but I'm just exhausted with my honest feelings apparently being wrong or manipulative) or having people empathize but have nothing helpful to add.

I want to die, but all my past attempts have failed and I'm worried about what happens if I fail the only method I have left. Which is literally the only thing driving me to try to do anything to get better, because if someone came in with a button and said 'press this and you'll die immediately with no pain', I'd slam that button so fast...

I can't do this without a real support system and it just seems like everything points to the world being a bleak, terrible place and no one wanting or being able to help...