I feel like such a failure and a waste. I am 21 in my senior year of college. I feel like I don’t even know who I am. I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I’ve changed my mind about 100 times. I feel so guilty. Guilty for costing my family time, money, and resources. For being born instead of someone else. Why do I have be here? Why couldn’t I be someone better? Everyone is better than me. My friends, my family, everyone. They deserve better. I just want to be a good person. A good sibling and role model to my little brother. A good friend. I want to have a purpose, to make the world a better place. I’m selfish. I want to be important, for people to remember me and talk about how good I was. But I’m not good. My friends don’t talk to me about their problems. My little brother likes my other siblings better. My parents are always so proud of my other siblings. I want them to be proud of me. Even when they’ve said they’re proud, it doesn’t feel true. Why would they be proud of me? I’m all talk. I get good grades but I have no direction in life. I feel so mediocre. I am nowhere near as smart as people seem to think I am. I’m not trying to brag. I’m a fraud. I bullshit my way through things and just so happen to do a good job. Why? What’s even the point? I’m scared to live and scared to die. I have no purpose but I’m afraid to die because I don’t know what I believe. If god exists, I don’t believe in him enough and I’m going to hell. There’s no way to prove it either way so I’m just stuck suffering over it. I’m such a coward.