I wish there was a better way to explain this feeling but the past few weeks have been rough to say the least. Just wild emotional swings, constant feelings of emptiness, way too much impulsivity in terms of coke, weed, cutting, just to try to keep my brain occupied. When I *do* remember I sincerely try some DBT grounding techniques and breathing exercises but I still feel like it’s not real somehow.

I guess I just don’t feel like I’m alive? Like I’m just some floating thoughts watching myself torture my own body and mind. Just wondering if anyone else with BPD or symptoms of BPD experience this as well? 

I know that one of the hallmarks is feelings of emptiness but this isn’t that, this is like very strong, prolonged disassociation in a way? I just feel like everything I’m feeling is made up by my brain or that I’m not real.

Just yet another difficult night. Be kind to yourself, thanks for reading.