I'd just like to say that my mother is a wonderful woman. But me being someone that struggles a lot with mental health issues it becomes a real problem when she doesn't say what she's feeling. I've always been the person to care more about people than myself, I even reflect other people's feelings upon myself and it's really difficult to be around someone that can be walking around quite obviously upset or in a mood. When I see her like that my initial thoughts are what have I done? Have I disappointed her? Have I done something wrong?

It's becoming a real issue because whenever I see her and she's not seeming obviously cheery, it reflects on myself. It causes a real anxiety and I end up doubting wether I'm good enough, even if I'm not the problem. Lately, she can generally be very distant and it hurts because all I ever want is to make her proud. No matter how many times she says she's proud of me when I ask, I always doubt that she's telling the truth when she is snappy and upset around me. 

If I ask her a question of what I should do in a situation she will either snap at me because I'm making stupid choices or she will help. But when she snaps at me I just feel so low. I could ask her may I go round a friend's house? And she will be like no its raining you stupid girl. It's demeaning but I know she's trying to look after me.

I ask her everything because my confidence in my own choices has become increasingly low.

What I'm really asking is how do I deal with this myself? I find it really difficult to emotionally detach and every day if she's not quite right I spend the day on edge, ive had to up my medication because it's been affecting me so much. 

I love my mum and I know she goes through a lot herself mentally, and I can't help but let that affect me too. I've become quite ill in the mind because I've been worried 24/7. The constant anxiety about her feelings is debilitating. 

I am an 18 year old girl living in the United Kingdom. We're in a national lockdown currently so I cannot go out of the house except for essential travel.

Any advice and support would be appreciated. I'm not a danger to myself... I'm just going through a rough time. I have been diagnosed with depression and borderline personality disorder however I do my best to be a functional person.

Thankyou