Been in a extremely frustrating mix of “I’m feeling better than I have in years” and “all I wanna do is kill myself”. I’ve been looking for a job for the past few months and it hasn’t worked out (I think employers freak out when they see I never hold a job longer than a year). So I’m just gonna stay home today, try to be productive with my music but know fully well I will not be. Also, I finally managed to quit alcohol (day 75 tomorrow) but sometimes I feel like its made my life worse, more boring. There’s less excitement in my life. My body’s been aching (aches behind my eyes, chest pains, pain in the back of my head) and I thought quitting alcohol would help but I still have all these issues. Basically, I feel like even when I take a step forward, I’m still right where I was before. Sorry, jusr needed to let that out I guess. Feeling very alone right now