I'm starting to theorise that when a persons character has been injured by some external force, which could then bring about odd social behaviour, it is actually the continual stream of negative reinforcement of a generally toxic  society that is the true cause of mental illness.
I have been trying hard to go about my days to strengthen myself, but I feel as though people are actually sucking the life force out of me. it's too much. every time I try to socialise I eventually expose myself as "weird", I guess by whatever arbitrary standard is fashionably basic these days.  
I want to grow into the person I feel I'm untitled to become, but I face huge social obstacles, and I feel like I've run out of time. I'm 30 and I feel like I've lost. you can now see the years of stress imprinted in my face, and I just want to die. I haven't made physical contact with another person in half a year, and the longer I go without that, the more I will be punished and unable to attain. I'm starting to see the significance and lack of control in statistical probabilities, and I feel doomed. My spirit has left me.  

but.... does anyone want to chat with me?? nobody in real life will have a conversation withh me unless I pay them. 