I think I had some idea of what my adult life would be… I just assumed that all the hurt would stop but I don’t think it really did. Now I hurt in silence why activity helping others. When I try to express my problems I just get reminded that it’s selfish and I think after a while I just believed it. I use to the feeling of wanting to die from my younger age depression but now I don’t really feel like that. I kinda just wish my existence was erased from the minds of everyone I love. I don’t know sometimes I just feel like I’m sleep walking around in life. Sometime it gets so bad that I don’t even remember what I’ve done the pass 3 days. Recently I’ve been thinking about how depression kinda addicting. Do I want to get better yes. But that feeling of knowing that the feeling of being happy is harder then just giving in to the sadness.