I feel like an unfunny version of the meme.

With the seasonal affective disorder kicking into high gear, even being highly functional BPD is worthless. It is "cuffing season", and I can't even get an online date from one of those guys who target plus size gals because "they are so grateful for attention they will do anything to please". I am not a troll!: When "gussied up", I am a solid 6 or 7. I have a good sense of humor and make people laugh. After years and years of therapy, most people don't notice my BPD I am warm, empathetic, affectionate, and supportive. I love football, baseball, hockey, and NASCAR. I'm a geek and nerd, who hates rom-coms I am a goddamn catch.

And still I can't get anyone to be interested in talking to me on March or OKCupid. I mean, yeah I have 3 strikes against me (37 years old, 5'8" and 265lbs, don't want to have my own biological children), but there has to be SOMEONE who would value me. My friends and family say I am a catch, and they helped tweak my profile. But everyone they know in my age range (27-47) is married or gay.

I am so fucking lonely, I can't stand it. It is NOT the "most wonderful time of the year". I HATE being the 3rd/5th/7th wheel at activities, get togethers, outings, and parties. I hate watching everyone snuggle and give each other presents. Those suicidal thoughts I have managed to put on the backburner are coming forward big time during the holidays. I am touch starved: I haven't been kissed or even properly hugged (longer than 2 seconds) in 3 years. My last serious relationship ended 7 years, 11 months, and 25 days ago when my emotionally abusive husband left me. (Yeah, you read that right, my dear of abandonment had me debasing myself for a narcissistic awhile who took out his inner turmoil about being a closeted transgender woman on me).the sex was over long before he left and I haven't had sex in so long I have cobwebs growing in my crotch

All around me is love, affection, family - and I don't even have a Favorite Person, much less someone to share my highs and lows with. I can't handle the thought of being alone another 50-60 years. I honestly have considered seeing if there is such a thing as a mail order husband. I figure there is a dearth of women in a China and India, SOMEONE is out there for me.

Fuck