
(F 20) Just need to vent, hear some stories about others experiences, and hear some healthy coping mechanisms i can develop to try and survive this pain.



Me and my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years have been in this breakup purgatory for about 4 months before he finally left me. He would always tell me i am too much to handle and he won’t be able to do this for much longer. He would always tell me that i’m going to keep pushing and pushing him until he leaves me. And he did. I can’t fathom it. I feel like dying. My heart physically aches. I feel so lost and hurt i don’t know what to do. I’ve already tried reaching out to him even though he’s told me not to &amp; blocked me on everything. I downloaded two texting apps just to try contacting him again just for him to block those numbers as well. I also called him 82 times. I can’t stop stalking his social media and making myself cry and feel so much pain when i see his follower count go up knowing it’s more females he’s following and lusting over. I can’t handle this feeling. This is my first heartbreak ever. My first boyfriend. I hate that i feel emotions so intensely. i just want to feel normal. i just want to not be hard to love. I feel so abandoned by him, and he knew that was a fear of mine. I want to text him and beg for him back, tell him how i can’t live without him. I feel like i’ve lost my sense of self. I don’t know who i am without him. I feel like i’ve lost my safe space. He was abusive physically and emotionally but i still can’t hate him. I would do anything for him. Im nobody without him. I’m still so in love and obsessed with him. I can’t explain this hurt it’s so intense and agonizing. I relive our relationship in my head and just break my heart over and over again everyday. I don’t think this will ever be something i heal from. I’m tiring to love, i understand why he left me. I’m impossible to deal with.