My boyfriend (23m) suffers from depression and ADHD to start this post. Usually I (25f) just look over that and see his qualities aside from his mental health but somehow I start to miss those qualities now.

I have what people may call "high functioning" or "quiet" BPD. I function in society, I have a job, I barely lash out at people. The only people I lash out at are my mom and well... Him.

We used to have a lot of hobbies in common and he also used to look cute. Now he doesn't want to persuade in those hobbies anymore and somehow feel like it's sucky.. Because it requires more effort now.

He gained weight and due to that has issues with back pain etc. He says he wants to change and start to work out to somehow get some self esteem back and be more likeable to himself... But he doesn't and become really defensive if I offer him to maybe just start eating (mostly vegan) like I do... That I overcame binge-eating to some degrees, gained some self control over my eating and lost around 20kg.

Half of the time he does not "annoy" me and I feel like he needs more time to develop into his "bestest" self and that I used to be in a similar position. 
But this week I more often just feel like he's bothersome and his negativity stops me in getting better, that maybe I need a person that pushes ME forward, that experiences things with me outside of this city.

I started to vent more to my friends and brother. My best friend is not good at giving advise because she is less of an emotional person and goes like "ditch them" in less than 3 secs. Today my brother compared my relationship with raising a sibling just... A little harder.

I feel like I put so, so much effort in this relationship to work out the best for both of us but also I feel like he is so far behind me. Also I feel like he became boring and lost all his substance. 

I just want someone to talk to and get their advise... I feel so helpless, like I have to handle so much and no one knows that I am just so insecure and don't understand my situation.