 

(just a bit of background)

so growing up my family and friends always knew something was "wrong" with me and for most of highschool, I had been taking medication for depression and anxiety (about 10 different meds over the years) and about 2 years back I was finally diagnosed with BPD but had been hearing a lot of "its all in your head" and "just get over it" from family members and decided not to treat it with meds or professional help and soon after went to college and never had any major episodes or problems until I dropped out and came back home, I've been with my current girlfriend of nearly a year and a half now and she has been one of the main people to help me stay grounded even tho she lives about a 6 hour drive from me now.

(what I need help/advice with)

so I've been living with my mom for about 6 months now since I dropped out of college and haven't been able to hold a steady job for more than a month at most, and I was sexually assaulted in a park while trying to catch a breather after a nasty episode. since then everything has been incredibly downhill, I have a hard time leaving the house now, I can't motivate myself to get a job and have been beating myself up for months now over the feeling of being worthless and like I'm not good enough for my girlfriend.

on the brighter side in August I will be seeing a psychiatrist to see if there could be some medication I could be put on to help, but until than I have no idea what I can do to stop the constant self-hatred, self-destructive behaviour and just general downhill spiral... all I have had on my mind for a while now is just to wait until August but I was wondering if any of you have any advice on what more I could do that helps you guys or someone you know?

I'm sorry if this seems like I'm rambling but id just like to thank you all in advance :)