Someone hurt me three years ago. Severely. After that I wasn't able to function properly at all. My social anxiety was so bad. Everywhere I went it was like I was viewing the world in glasses tinted in his color (the person who hurt me). I carried him with me everywhere. Everything felt like it could be associated with him, most things reminded me of him. I felt like he made life so beautiful. I am an artist so I am delusional and overly romanticize things which just causes me more suffering. I developed some sort of PTSD. There's certain things I still avoid because subconsciously it brings about bad feelings. I was only 16 when it happened so it stole my youth from me. I just turned 20. I have never been in a relationship. My own doing. (I get hit on all the time and get a lot of attention from men.) I just feel void of emotion now. I used to be in insane pain all the time from what happened. There would be times where I would just sleep and cry for days and my stomach was so sick from anxiety I couldn't eat anything so I'd lose like 10 pounds when I'm already petite. It's weird going from being super emotional to numb. I feel empty. I don't even cry anymore. I used to cry almost everyday. I think I have healed a lot from what happened finally. But this numbness is troubling for me. And I just don't feel in the mood to date or anything even though it'd be healthy and I really should. I'm just good being alone.... That guy who hurt me was super manipulative and super controlling. He lead me on, took advantage of me and used me. I guess I feel free finally.  I don't have to be the person he expected of me anymore. But he really caused me to feel turned off from men and dating. I don't wanna deal with that shit again. I also can't even stand having a crush right now. I wish I could just turn off my attraction to people so I won't get hurt. I'm just numb and empty right now. Parts of me feel aged I guess, but parts are innocent af. Also I have crazy anxiety around my crush so since my growth dating wise has been stunted I think its gonna be a bit challenging at first getting into that world.

Anyone else experience periods of "numbness" and emptiness after getting over trauma? Its liek I need something to replace the pain and grief I had been carrying around for years