My parents are out of town, I’m home alone, and they wanted to have someone come over to fix the dryer. I have really bad anxiety and I didn’t want to be home alone with a stranger in my house so I told them I don’t want anyone to come over when they’re not there. My dad was being like super passive aggressive and pretty much just saying “thanks for nothing” on the phone when I told him and it just made me feel so terrible. I ended up texting him saying that he can have the repair guy come over if he wants because I felt like my parents were annoyed and mad at me. I was already worked up, crying a little bit, I saw my dad texted me “thank you” and I went full blown panic attack. I threw my phone at the wall, threw laptop at the wall, punched and kicked the wall, punched myself(legs). I was pacing back and forth, repeatedly saying “they hate me” “they’re mad at me” and other incoherent things. It was kinda like a flip switched and I was going crazy.

So I called my mom while I was having my moment and told her that I really don’t want anyone to come over but I don’t want them to hate me more. She said they’d cancel it but her voice sounded so annoyed and done with me. I was crying and trying to tell them not to cancel it because I don’t want them to hate me and that they already hate me. My mom said they canceled it and we hung up while I was still freaking out. I thought they didn’t care about me anymore because I cause so many problems and I’m so annoying and unstable. 

Anyways, still crying, knuckles are swollen, body is sore, brain is fried, and I am confused about why I did that.