I've had depression before and got through it and yet I can't seem to decide if what I have now can be described as actual depression, in its true sense as it is used here. All I know is I feel more crap than I think i ever have and thought this might be the sub to put this.

There is no rhyme or reason. I'll be fine one moment and mentally fucked the next. By this I mean that the solution to wvery minor conevenience I face is "just kill yourself". Red flag? I should mention I have no intention of killing myself and am not suicidal. I'm aware it's a slippery slope but I don't control what I think. Words. Blehg.

Sometimes I have to fight to feel something. Sometimes I have to fight to feel nothing. 

Life sucks. 

I'm sorry for venting but I've had a lot on my heart and chest for the longest time.