TL;DR - people found stuff, people turn against me, deleting my account.

So I sent a link to my [recent post about my referral appointment](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/40m6lq/just_had_my_referral_appointment_uk/) to my girlfriend (to save me explaining the whole thing again after she got home) and she read it, but then went looking around my account and found some posts she wasn't happy with. Including ["DAE think sexually all of the time?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/3za24h/dae_think_sexually_all_of_the_time/), and [My NPD girlfriend doesn't understand me](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/3xj2hw/my_npd_girlfriend_doesnt_understand_me/). She was with a friend in the living room, I was with my band practicing in our spare room. She comes storming in and quoting something from one of the posts and crying. She'd showed her friend what I'd put and then apparently her friend shared it with the band to try and help the band understand me a bit more. But that backfired.  
  
We had a gig recently and someone (let's call him A) made a comment - "it's about making the most out of things, I didn't see you speaking to the promoter once". It set me off. He knows I have great difficulty communicating with people because of my anxiety. But I actually did speak to the promoter on the way out. It was really insensitive.  
  

Then the subject got onto how I don't move about on stage and it looks like I'm not enjoying it. Even though I am. I explained that it's just really hard because I'm so self conscious and I'm constantly in my own head all of the time. Another member (let's say, B) said "we're in a band, we have to move", followed by "Fact is, this is not a hobby for us, this is a job, and you're a member of staff, there needs to be improvement DONE and not SAID, don't TRY, DO". I have no idea if that was meant to be motivational or not, but it came across really patronising and ended up with me telling them both to fuck off.  
  
B then said "From when you joined to now, there's been no progress". I asked my girlfriend how she thought the gig went and she said I actually "moved" more than usual and like twice as much as when I joined. But that improvement wasn't enough for them, clearly?!  
  
Then they commented on the posts here. A said "how are we meant to trust you if your own bird can't". B said "Because we're bringing in press online and we're aiming at girl fans, they might see that blog, and I don't think that's a risk we're willing to take". I explained it's anonymous, etc, and A said he disagreed with B on that. But A said it's "more stuff to show you're gonna have real trouble coping in a band". Even though I've nearly been with them a year. Now they're ignoring me and haven't replied in over 12 hours. Idk whether they want me in the band or not.  
  
So now I'm basically going to have to create a new account. Because this isn't anonymous any more. I'll have to delete all my posts.. including this one, over the next few days and then start again. Which sucks.