What are your thoughts or experiences on finding someone to love/put up with you as a schizophrenic?

For me, I haven’t been in a relationship or even dabbled since my diagnosis in 2006. At the time i was with a man who took advantage of the diagnosis to justify why all his needs in life were never met, I left him shortly after the diagnosis. So I’ve spent the remaining time learning how to have a relationship with my delusions as they relate to life and learning. My friends and I have resorted to calling them my “mind babies.” But I’ve never been able to imagine anyone patient enough to entertain my thoughts without dismissing them as an “Oh you…” moment. Most normal people don’t have a lot of patience for entertaining a delusion. 

At the same time i can’t imagine being with someone who is also schizophrenic. Like I feel like even I wouldn’t have the patience to entertain their mind babies without worrying they’re getting out of control, which is supremely selfish. Like who’s to say I’m the only one with the interesting ideas that needs to have help being talked off the ledge about them? 

And when i think of joining dating apps and trying to interact with someone not schizophrenic or “alternative thinking” it feels like if I don’t come out and say it forthright it would be hiding a huge fun fact about me, but if i admit it it’s an INSTANT red flag? Also the thought of just hiding it forever would be like soul suicide. 

Over the last ten years even my delusions have simmered into this sad stew where even the people I think are watching or following me have given up on pursuing me because I’m just not worth  the energy. 

Has anyone else felt this? I’m starting to embrace the idea that I’ll just be alone forever and I guess that’s okay. But during Christmas time it’s sorta harder than every other time if the year. 

Pardon my rambling i just had a long drive to think about this. Please don’t answer with dick pics but I appreciate the tenacity to think that would be a solution, at this present time it’s not. 🙂