some context- i was diagnosed with bpd in 2017, met my first dbt therapist and was with her until last spring when she moved cross country and i couldn't deal with video therapy. met my new/current/now former therapist last december and i just terminated treatment with her and i feel terrible 
the issue was that i was holding back a lot of things when i started seeing her so she started really liking me because im funny i guess idk but then in july she told me we could drop down to every other week. so i was like oh fuck i've literally been manipulating my therapist into thinking im doing well when i still have major issues to deal with (they’re just not sh or si anymore so idek how to go about dealing with problems that aren't of that magnitude) anyway after that (and we never went down to every other week) i lost complete trust in her, i started getting so irritated with her constantly. i hated that she constantly talked abt my "thinking mistakes" (because it feels extremely judgmental and invalidating like why is that a term?) and i couldn't even tell her my agenda most weeks bc we were too busy chaining the fact that i left early the previous session or were re-going over my therapy goals, or talking about commitment AGAIN. any time i could actually start talking (usually the last 10 mins of session) she would interrupt me and tell me to rephrase what i was saying. 
so, today she told me my three options are to either keep seeing her, let her help me find a new therapist, or take a leave from therapy all together. i started by saying i wanted to just try again and keep seeing her because it feels like i'm failing by quitting on my therapist. today my last straw was just me saying that i didn’t keep track of my week and think of an agenda ahead of time because the last couple times i had, i didn’t even get to go over it so i didn’t see a point in doing it for this week. I was also pissed that she's refusing to write me a letter so i can get top surgery when the surgeon told me it would helpful to have one from my doctor AND therapist yet she was refusing to write one, she said because the state law only requires one letter. So since i couldn't even tell her about what i ACTUALLY wanted to talk about which is a relationship that started 3 weeks ago THAT I HAVE NOT HAD A CHANCE TO TELL HER ABOUT YET BECAUSE I AM NEVER IN CONTROL OF MY SESSIONS (she kept telling me to rephrase what i said abt keeping track of my weeks and then accused me of being combative when i literally just wanted to talk), i just got up and left and when she asked where i was going i said i wasn't going back. 
so then i emailed her and asked if she would still give me phone numbers on new therapists, she replied and gave me a bunch and said something about officially terminating as of today and good luck she wishes me well blah blah. 
oh and she started off the session today by trying to validate how last week i said i felt like she hated me so she was saying that she genuinely liked me and cared about me as a person. and now i feel horrible. im so sad, i feel like such a bad person, i don’t even know if there's a point in me calling a new therapist because i'll probably find a reason to hate them too. Idk i know i'm in the wrong, i guess i just want people to tell me i was wrong and that the reason things didn’t work out is because i wasn't trying hard enough. i just feel like i really fucked everything up and failed and push everyone away from me.