Just recently diagnosed BPD. I'm about 3 months out from a breakup from someone I wanted to be my first and my last, we dated for 3 years and had a beautiful relationship. She kept me stable and we matched up in every single way, never any fights, cheating, or abuse from either one of us and it came from her feeling like I'm not "her person".  So a breakup, and on top of that there was nothing wrong. I split after the breakup and went crazy but tried to be mindful that I wasn't completely destroying my own image in her mind. 

Thankfully I didn't threaten suicide or do any of the severe BPD tendencies but I did calmly tell her about my self harm post-breakup and she told my family and our whole friend group and she felt severely guilty about it feeling like it was her fault. I was immediately blocked after telling her about the self harm, and through email I pleaded and told her it was not her fault and never said it was. Now I feel like I'm just viewed as a psychopath and I just want to kill myself pretty much everyday even today 3 months later. The weeks following the breakup I couldn't do anything but lay in bed and violently shake and cry and hit myself in the head in self hate. While I'm taking microscopic steps every day, it still feels awful and hopeless. 

I got wind of her talking to someone else a few weeks ago who she probably spends all of her time with now and does all the same things we used to do in our 3 years. We were each others firsts and the idea of someone else having her body fucking destroys me and makes me went to jump off a bridge. I can't even manage the idea of doing those things with another girl and it's destroying my mind altogether.

I had minor suicidal ideation before the breakup but after it suicide is the only thing I think about that could take away the pain. I've been feeling this pain everyday for 3 months and it doesn't show any signs of letting up. We're no contact for 2 months now and I don't even know who she is or what's going on with her when she used to text me every day and call me at night to talk about how our day was and decompress with each other. Can't help feeling like I'm just viewed as a dejected psychopath that'll never be accepted in the same way. Before you ask, yes I do 2 hour therapy sessions twice a week (4 hrs therapy/week).

How the hell do you people survive this shit.