So basically I haven't posted here in a while but I just wish I could be happy for my boyfriend. He's been playing this game, and it's a game we started together. So basically after a few days of not being on he caught up to my level and passed me by quite a bit. And he's known to "min max" games. Basically play them til their dead and there's nothing else to do and get the best things in the game and just basically play a lot. And I get depressed really easily and am known to be more casual. But I got really upset and so that specific game triggered me for a while and it sucked because he loved talking about it and played it every day since then. And after a while I kind of moved on, I started playing it again and then he introduced me to a new game that is by the same company and he didn't play it but I did. And now that same thing is happening where I feel too depressed to play and not motivated and he's getting ahead and honestly I just hate my brain. None of this is his fault but It makes me feel so betrayed. And I just wish I could tell my brain shut up and just have fun but it's all twisted and I get upset so easily and I honestly think I need a new hobby. The main part of why I'm writing this is because he's guaranteed a new character today, after all of his work today was supposed to be a whole event to get this character and I woke up angry. I basically just am too far gone to even be happy for him and I hate myself for it. I just wish he could feel what I felt so it wasn't so hard to explain it. I'm just tired of being this way and there's no real way to deal with it. I just wish it wasn't so hard and tiring to deal with these emotions. I wish it was easy. I haven't had an episode like a really bad one for a while too, and now I'm back into the routine of being upset about something every day. What do I even do. I feel so toxic and I feel like I'm just ruining the things that make him so happy.