My (21F) and my boyfriend (21M) are in a weird place right now. I think it's important to note that he works the nightshift and by the time I get to talk to him I have been up for 16+ hours. He suffers from depression and came to me a few days ago and asked for a break because he was "not happy with our relationship". I agreed, and was quite proud of myself with the grace that I let go of him with even though this came out of the middle of nowhere and completely blindsided me. That usually is a very hard thing for me. 

The next day he said something that at the moment shocked me and hurt me. I was in my emotions and angry. It was a bit of a trigger I believe. I lashed out and told him I was not okay with what he said. He then called me, almost in tears and told me that he felt helpless and was pushing me away to feel in control. I reassured him that I was okay and we would get through it. We didn't talk any more about what he said or about the break and I went to sleep at his suggestion.

The next day it was much later than normal that I heard from him, and for some reason I felt the panic of being abandoned setting in. I messaged him on every platform and was tempted to contact his mother. Come to find out he was planning on just never messaging me again and blocking me. He tells me that he just needs space. I let him know how I'm feeling, how hard the not knowing where we stand or what exactly is happening for me. He tells me he feels guilty and asks me to sleep. 

I haven't heard from him today, and I am feeling really conflicted. He has made it clear that he does love and want me. However he has also made it clear he isn't happy with me and wants me to leave him alone. I honestly don't know what's true and what is my mind twisting and adding things that aren't really there. I want things to return to "normal", but I want him to be happy and I really don't understand why he wasn't, and he doesn't even know. Perhaps it really is just over?