Every day is hard and there’s no benefit. I don’t feel like I’m even getting my short moments of happiness anymore. Life has become so fruitless. I’m only 19 and I feel like I’ve burnt out and I’m finished. Every day, I work two jobs so I can afford rent, I go home to my boyfriend, we have a few nice minutes before I shut down. I feel like somethings changed and I don’t know what caused it. We used to be so in love. He says he’s happy and nothings changed, but something is different. He’s not as excited to see me, he doesn’t like to go out with me, every day is a day watching tv in bed. He doesn’t care for my body or like having sex with me anymore, and we just don’t have fun. But he’s my whole world and has been for years. He seems genuinely confused and says that it’s just me overthinking that he’s just comfortable around me. It’s breaking my heart though. And then he goes to sleep and I stay up all night crying. The next day, work again, and repeat. And this year has sucked. I failed my first semester of school, my mom kicked me out, I have alcohol and drug addictions, and I can’t even do the things I liked anymore. I’ve gained weight and I feel repulsive. Nothing is good, life seems so sad and miserable nothing makes me happy. This is so messy and awfully worded, I just need to vent because I’m breaking down every night and I feel so alone and so deeply sad I’m in so much pain.