I’ve been misdiangosed with a plethora of mental illnesses over the past 17 years. I’ve had a violent, abusive partner listened to without asking me a word that’s resulted in me being hospitalised. I’ve been plugged with pill after pill that hasn’t worked, refused funding for trauma-based support and been sent to an endless string of hapless CBT and DBT and counselling professionals who scratch their head and bounce me somewhere else. I live in a country with state healthcare, and affording private is out of the question.

I was diagnosed autistic against my own choice- I knew I was, but it serves as nothing beyond a label and a pathologisation of not fitting with mainstream society ideas of normality. I was diagnosed with ADHD, forced on medication, and it triggered a so-called manic that nearly destroyed the life I’ve spent the past decade trying to cobble together. But whoopsie doopsie, nobody was willing to take responsibility for that one since I was cold turkey’d from bipolar meds by a psych and it was a  seemingly bad idea a couple years later when I was forced on to the ADHD stuff.

A couple of weeks ago I decided enough was enough. I flushed the remainders of my prescriptions down the toilet, blocked all contact numbers from the care team, and never bothered picking up the script from the latest garbage I had shoved at me.

And christ is this the best I’ve felt in years. I feel anger at time wasted, stolen, but I finally feel some bodily autonomy.