Hi all,

Like I said up top, this is my first time posting here. I'm posting here because I thought I might be able to vent and maybe hear what other people have done in similar situations.

Basically, I get really frustrated when guys are hesitant to date me, specifically when they cite that I have anxiety and lack a social/support network.

What's frustrating is that, **these guys' concerns are 100% legitimate!** Like, if I were in their shoes, I'd be thinking something like, "I might be the guy this person is talking to, period. They might try to turn me into their therapist. They might be toxic for other reasons. Do I really want to get into all that?" 

What's also frustrating is that, **my anxiety and lack of a social/support network is also what makes me just LIVING MY LIFE really really really difficult.** Hearing guys say stuff like this, I start to feel demotivated and like a hopeless nutcase.

I'm really trying. I'm on meds for the first time in my life. Admittedly, after a big move, I haven't been in therapy for a few months. That's on me. As of tonight, I took concrete steps to fix that by sending emails to set up first calls with 2 therapists.

The lack of a social/support network, I'm more stuck on. I simply don't know ANYONE where I live. I have friends elsewhere, but since we all graduated university, we've all scattered to the winds. And growing up, because of some educational/social/parental neglect type-stuff, I don't really have family (who aren't triggering/making things worse) or childhood friends (who exist at all, since I was kept away from people as a kid). I'm looking for events/activities to do in my area. I've not made much progress. I'm not going to stop trying though.

So it's this frustrating place of like, **these guys aren't in the wrong!** it's nobody else's obligation to date me--obviously! It's nobody else's obligation to "fix me"--again, obviously! Obviously! I don't even want to INSINUATE otherwise. I KNOW need to fix me. These guys have legitimate concerns, and I CERTAINLY don't want to make those concerns a reality in their lives. It's just frustrating when--even though I KNOW the guys aren't saying/thinking/feeling/etc. this--what my internal dialogue starts running is: "You have problems. ew lol get the fuck away from me."

And I'm just like, I wish I didn't have these problems! They're my problems. I know I can't make MY PROBLEMS into another guy's problems--that's not right, that's not fair, and that's not my place. My problems are my problems, nobody else's. And I'm trying. I've been trying for a long time. I'm not going to stop trying. I accept the fact that, right now, I'm not for everybody. It's okay that I'm not for everybody. It's a reality. I'm just frustrated.

I know that's a lot of (mostly contextless) stuff I just threw out there. If anybody has thoughts or experiences to share that kinda-sorta vibes with what I said, and if you're comfortable sharing it, I would be happy to hear.

  
Thanks very much for reading this. I really appreciate it.

\-- sallydurantskywalker