I’ve never posted in here before but I feel like what’s going on in my head right now is almost exclusively because of my BPD and I need people who understand to help me navigate this.

My best friend, we’ll call him E, is just coming out of a bad breakup. Had to back out of a lease and shit, it was kind of a disaster. He’s also got BPD, and has pretty severe suicidal ideation and self-harm stuff.

Instead of reacting like I expected—with sadness and cutting—he was only sad. But when he came back to school for the second summer session, he almost immediately started hooking up with someone, who we’ll call R. She was friendly with E last semester, but caught feelings, and abruptly ended their friendship with tears and animosity and some bullshit. So when they hooked up the first time, I was immediately scared that he was using hooking up with R as a new form of self-harm, knowing actively that it will end in disaster one way or another.

My issue, though, is that R gives me the absolute worst feelings in my body. I see her, or even hear her name, and my body feels like it’s on fire, and suddenly I either have to shit or vomit, and all I wanna do is sleep. My partner and I have named this feeling “Nova” based on his therapist’s advice to personify his mental illnesses in an effort to better disregard them. It’s pervasive, and ruins my entire day any time it happens. I’ve brought this feeling to E’s attention, as just like a casual warning, but he’s not changed his behavior at all.

Last week, after either perceiving actual or imagined distance—can’t really tell the difference anymore—I brought my concerns to his attention. He told me I was right, and that he shouldn’t be hooking up with her, and that he planned to talk to her about it to end it. A week later, nothing has changed, and he cancels plans and shit to go hang out and fuck her.

So I guess my issue is like. I have this irrational ownership over him, and these visceral “Nova” feelings make any amount of time he spends with her feel like I’m being abandoned. It’s been going on for weeks now and I’m running out of steam. Please help me lmao

(if y’all need more information lemme know)