I've never felt loved once in my life, never been able to have a relationship with anyone without thinking they're pretending to like me for politeness or pity. i've been alone for most of my life, including my whole childhood, when I was bullied and neglected
ive been doing therapy for two years, have been treating mysrlf with a psychiatrist for a whole year by now and everyitme i go back there, my medication is increased, i never get better, only worse
i haven't felt like eating, i either sleep too much or very little, can't remember nor think nor do anything, i don't remember the last time I felt rested

i cut myself for the first time in four years