you cant trust anybody. ive tried so many times to no avail. sometimes i make up stories ,vents, just to get the feelings out, and even that doesnt work.

im fed up trying to squeeze out some energy from the people i pour it into.

im fed up feeling anxious and detached from the people who put energy into me

i wish i had someone i could care about, without limits. who knows exactly when and where to let their guard down, and not be a weak fucking pushover the rest of the time

i wish i had real friends i really could relate to, not groups of acquaintances who all share the same life ..that i don't

i wish i could stop letting emotion cloud my judgement . stop seeing the world with rose colored glasses. or obsidian . whatever. enough artsy bullshit

at times i wish i could be more conniving, use my manipulation for offense, not just defense

i know it's a dog eat dog world, and empathy is a lie, but god, i just want some fucking pity.