shoutout to Grammarly for helping me with my spelling lol bye

Sorry. Yeah, I guess I’m selfish for feeling like this, sorry I don't care about myself, it’s pathetic and weak and disgusting. Sorry for letting you down, sorry for being a burden and for always giving you a hard time. I honestly think things would have been better if I were never born, this would have never actually happened, and I wouldn’t’ve caused you so much trouble. I know you tried your best to understand me and I’m grateful for that. I don’t want you to feel bad or think it was your fault because it was nobody’s fault, everyone was good to me, it's just me and I hate myself so much for that. I wish I could think differently I wish I could be happy, its tiring having to feel like this ALL THE TIME, I’m sick of it. It’s exhausting to be forced to do something you no longer wish to be doing every single day, I sound so selfish, I hate that. If I had the option to give my life to someone who truly wants to live I would, without even thinking about it. I just want to be happy and be with my family and friends and my dog and watch my little brother and sister grow, but I don’t think ill ever be able to feel like that, I don’t think it will ever be possible and I don’t think anybody can help me but myself. I feel like everyone I know has their stuff figured out and I’m still so immature, lost, and clueless. I don’t want to go to college and study because I’m not interested in anything, but it's expected of me, my family has high expectations of me and I feel pressured to do something and become a successful person. I wish I could’ve been someone, I wish I could’ve been able to help my family economically, that’s the only reason why I decided to study but I couldn’t continue. I feel so stupid and unable to do anything right, I can't even function properly when I’m in public, I can't concentrate in class because I get so nervous and tense, I’m even scared to move! LIKE WHATTTT?!?!?! and that’s all I think about all the time and I’m tired, nothing works, and it keeps getting worse. I can’t work with people, I don’t know how to, I can’t do group assignments because IM TOO SCARED TO EVEN TALK TO THEM!!! How pathetic is that ☹? My grades are bad because of that and even though I tried telling you, you kept saying it’s because “I’m lazy”. The things I could accomplish if I could think differently and not be like this!!!! I lost all inspiration and motivation for everything in life for a long time now, and it’s sad because this is a beautiful world filled with beautiful things and I just wanted to enjoy everything about it and spend time with my favorite people, and it hurts to not want to keep living and it's sad. I feel so stuck, I don’t like living like this I feel toxic and angry all the time because I do this to myself, I hate myself and I wish I could’ve seen things differently and it hurts, I’m hurt and living the rest of my life feeling like this is not living.