I think it's more the Depression than the BPD as this feeling wasn't triggered by  a relationship. I've written a note. Tomorrow,  I intend to buy everything I need to take my life. I also checked out a suicide spot last night. I wasn't seriously considering this particular place but I thought i'd see what it was like as a place to commit suicide. I've thought about calling the urgent advice line but I'm worried they will hospitalise me and i actually don't want that. I don't want to lose my freedom. I want to die.