I finally found a good guy who truly loves me, yet I can’t stop myself from destroying the relationship with my negative thoughts and emotional reactions. I hate myself for doing this. I find it impossible to communicate my thoughts and feelings in a healthy way, whereas he’s so calm and level headed. Any form of conflict, no matter how small, turns into DAYS of arguments because I can’t control my emotions or let things go. A lot of the time I even pack my bags and leave, hoping he’ll stop me. Then I break down when he doesn’t. I expect him to spend all day comforting me and if he decides to visit his family instead, I take that as him not caring and make his life hell. I’m a complete mess and I’m destroying the only good relationship I’ve ever had, the one I always dreamed of. 

He uninvited me from a vacation we had planned because ‘your emotions will ruin it’ and told me next time I have such an extreme emotional reaction he will break up with me. That terrifies me because I know it will inevitably happen, and I know how much it will hurt. I can’t blame him, he’s a saint for dealing with me for this long. I feel like there is no hope for me, life is unbearable when you feel things this intensely. When this break up inevitably happens I will have nothing left. No family, no friends, no boyfriend. I will finally be completely alone in this world with nothing to live for. I hate myself for being like this, I’d give anything to be normal.