Hi, long time lurker here so I finally decided to post for once. This is just something I wrote during a particularly bad night yesterday without any intention to do anything with it but I just decided to post it thinking maybe someone might read it.
I’ve been in the depths of depression for 7 years now, it waxes and wanes but in all this time it has been my only constant in my life despite being told by family and therapists that it is only temporary and will end someday. I’ve lost hope that this is ever going to end, and the only thing now is to live with it for as long as I can. Carrying on doing what I always do, spend my time listening to the same songs and daydreaming all my time away, it just seems easier to do this rather than having to think and what it actually happening in my life.
I’m not looking for the meaning of life, I’m only looking for a reason to get out of bed tomorrow. I only do it now as it is all I have ever known for the last 22 years but it’s always a coin toss if I do. Every day I let something else in my life slip and I am left playing for time, waiting until there’s no more road to run down and it all catches up with me, the whistle blows, the clock ticks down to zero and there is nothing left and there is only one option left for me.