I blew up, I told her she didn’t do what she needed to do as a parent and failed, that she and my father are the cause of my BPD.

“You pushed me away, you wouldnt tell me anything when I asked what was wrong” 

You ever even asked. 

And the first time I asked for help, at eight, your words were “never talk like that again. That isn’t allowed. I don’t want to hear you say stuff like that.” 

So why would I trust you with my self deprecation? Why would I trust that you would help me? 

It was solidified when I finally begged for help, and you let dad scream at me about how ungrateful I was being. 

She said she’s sorry, that she knows her lack of actions deeply hurt me. She asked how to help me now, and I said I love her, but she can’t help me now.

Then, she said 

“I spent my life, thinking that I was being different than my parents, but after reading your words, it reminded me of how I felt about my parents.” 

Now I feel bad. 

My goal was for her to know she didn’t do what she needed to and to stop telling me she did. Not to make her feel like everything she did as a parent was shitty. She was a victim of my father just as much as I was.