I cut off a friendship the other day because she randomly told me she “liked me better without weed”.

I was so mad and triggered that I deleted and blocked her from every account possible.   I realized I was so mad was that I have been going through mental instability the past few years and weed was the only thing that helped me heal from my trauma.  I feel that the behavior she was referencing too that she didn’t miss was not me being high, but more of my mental instability and how I reacted to a trauma.  Like I was a bother to her then and she blamed it on weed being the culprit.  As an advocate of the body I live in, I can guarantee you that marijuana was helping me and if I didn’t have it at the time, I would have acted out even more.

She also mentioned how unsafe and dangerous I was being two years ago, yet at the time I remember her kind of egging on that behavior.  I understand I should have responsibility for my own actions but I was so off at the time, I could have used a friend that would have told me not to go to the fire department and drop off a hand written app with a cupcake drawn on it; or even when I was “patrolling” a grocery store as their security guard.  My psychosis really embarrassed me and it sucked that at the time my friends were encouraging me to do these things and thought they were funny, yet then tell me two years later in fact the opposite of what they told me in the past.  I’m learning to accept responsibility of my own actions but I’m also trying to get rid of the people that can’t tell me the truth to my face.

I’m not sure if I overreacted at that statement or if her saying she liked me better without weed was really the poorly cloaked insult that I saw it as.  Have you ever had your friends do stuff like this and then you just suddenly realize that they are not good friends for you?  Is this a BPD thing?  I also just started healing from parental narcissistic abuse and I heard that when you start to wake up, you see that you collected friends around you that are a lot like your narcissistic parents.

but I realize that in the past I’d put her on a pedestal and I believe that I realized how much of a user she was.  One time I needed a ride to the psych ward and my mom paid her 40$ to take me there.  I wasn’t being non compliant or anything, I just really needed a ride because my car was broken down and I wouldn’t have been able to drive myself anyway.  I also remember her taking me to the drive thru before said psych ward visit and she wouldn’t let me get anything not dollar menu.  Idk man, it’s the little things that get to me and I’m not sure if this is how a friend is supposed to act and I’m being dramatic like they tell me or if a real friend would accept 10$ for gas persay and then take you to the psych ward without a bribe from your mom.  

Long story short, I just need to know why we put up with friends like this and why we get so attached to these people who’d let us run into traffic without looking both ways.  How can I stop being attracted to charismatic friends that use me because they come off so nice and genuine to me at first, it usually takes years for me to see through them.  How can I see the warning signs before let’s say, three years pass?  

Btw, there were a lot of other warning signs then just the psych ward bribe and drive thru experience, I just wanted to keep this long ass post as short as possible.