Hey all. I need input. Last year I was Dx with BPD/PTSD. I have gone through a lot of very toxic relationships. I have quiet BPD and I have a really bad time of letting people walk all over me.

Anyway, my worst relationship of all time with someone who manipulated and used me until he destroyed my self worth ended and I went back to therapy, which is when I was Dx.

My plan was to stay away from dating for at least a year. Well, this all happened close to the pandemic and within the first few weeks I started texting with one of my close friends and I started feeling things, but realized I was coming on too strong &amp; I found out he had a gf from social media. NBD, I pulled away and no harm no foul.

My friend and I have an interesting history. Granted, we are many years older now but he was best friends with my high school bully (the issues I have from this are deep - bully used to have people harass me in hallways, via online forums...). It always made me feel weird when we were friends, but it was so long ago and he was never involved. In our early 20s we worked together and became friends. He took me on a date then, but for whatever reason I never saw him on another date but we still kept talking, I think he called a few times but I was flaky. We stayed in touch for years. He ended up moving back right as I was beginning a final stint in my Toxic Relationship and the day I was supposed to go out with him, I flaked again because I didn’t want my crappy bf to know I was with my friend and risk losing my bf (yeah, I know). Anyway, my friend deleted me on his social media and it was all good... I understand why he left. I was totally in the wrong here.

He texted me again for the holidays in 2019 and I was drunk and coming close to the end of my toxic relationship. We talked all night and I woke up in a panic because I couldn’t remember it, but we started talking again. Once I was really single I was going to pursue (March), but like I said I saw he had a gf. Gave up, realized I needed to focus on me and then in November he hit me up to hang.

We hung out a few times doing socially distanced things, talked for hours and had such a blast. He never mentioned gf. Never. However I found her socials and they don’t follow each other on anything, AND she stopped tweeting about him around the same time. So I figured I was in the clear on this one.

We spent more time together and it has been awesome. He always checks in on how I feel and is genuinely open and honest and I decided I feel ok with being intimate with him.

Since then we’ve still talked every day, he is starting a new job away from me so he told me he might have lesss time, ok cool, clear communication so thanks!

But then I go on Twitter and got into my creeper mode and found his “ex”.... who has been tweeting about doing the same things he’s doing at the same time, one day before we finally hooked up.

I really though I was good to date again, and the green flags felt good, and I was approaching this right, but I feel pained. There’s part of my brain saying “maybe he’s just dating her casually” or “maybe she thinks it’s more serious than it is” but then the other piece of me is like “run” then I just spiral more.

**Would you guys even takeyour time to talk it out with someone like this?** is there a possibility I’m not losing it? It was a 10+ year friendship before it turned intimate but I feel really dizzy and let down. I think my brain is trying to fantasize this, but then I think I should just talk to him and see what’s really up.... and also I just wish I didn’t do this before a year. Fffff.