TLDR; I got a really good job, surrounded by really awful people. I'm thinking of quitting... again. 

  
Just got a new job. It pays $18/hr, $100 per diem and it travels. It's hard, physical work which I LOVE. However, it's full of racists, homophobes, drug addicts and a LOT of misogyny. For context, I consider myself an androgynous woman. I expected to be doing heavy lifting and a lot of moving. But they have all the men on the team doing that stuff, and all the women on the team doing the lighter work. I've mentioned to my supervisors that I'd like to help doing the hard work but the men in that group don't want me there. Now, I don't know.. I could be wrong and just delusional in my capabilities which is how these people are making me feel but I can lift HEAVY with good form and move heavy things quickly. The team has seen that but still would prefer I do the light work, which is usually nothing at all. I absolutely hate feeling useless on the sidelines, making shelves look "pretty" while they are pushing them. Anyways, I made a bit of a fuss about it questioning why they didn't want me putting my hands into the hard work and the only excuse I got was being inexperienced in the current project which is absolute bullshit to me because they just hired a new guy and he's on the hard work with them. It fills me with so much rage. And it almost feels like they're doing things now to make a point to me. When I mentioned to a female supervisor that everytime I try to help the men out, they ignore me and send me away she told me that "I have to let the men be men." and when I said that I'm competitive with men she said that I can't compete with them because we're not built the same way (men and women). Anyways, I'm a blabber mouth. For some reason I tell every detail of my life to anyone who asks and now it feels like it's being used against me to frame me as a "crazy femenazi" or at least that's the vibe I get from all of the microagressions I've received in the past 3 days. Something is telling me that I need to get out of this place. But I don't know if it's just my struggle with bpd again. I've been from job to job because of something or another and maybe this is just me being afraid to stick it out but I can feel so many eyes on me. Is it the truth or just delusion?? I have no idea and I fucking HATE that I'm so confused. I realize and understand that what people think of me is none of my business and I can't help it but I almost feel like the retaliation is aggressively hostile. But I can distinguish that, that notion is probably amplified in my own head. Anyways I just wanted to rant and see if anyone out there might feel the same. I feel so alone and misunderstood wherever I go. Not that I'm meant to be understood, but I hate not being valued and feeling useless.