I'm So sorry for my bad English and the long story 
 
I'm with this guy for 4 years and 4 months, he's kind , even tho we lived horrible experiences he cheated on me in our month and I cheated on him after a year ( mine doesn't consider as cheating because we were already break up and I didn't have a boyfriend I just met a guy as friends he doesn't let me talk with boys but he think it's cheating for him and he said he's traumatized because of me) , we get over it (maybe) , I still think about our past but he's always bringing it up to our present, we talked about this several times we said that we have never to talk about our past anymore but he doesn't listen, however our big problem is he is always invalidates my emotions my feelings and who I am..
 
he always make me feel like a liar when I talk about how I feel or who I am and how I think, he doesn't even believe me if I say I'm crying even if he saw my oic crying, he judge me based on my past and on his thoughts, I'm always crying because of this I don't know what to do anymore he's convinced that I'm not what I'm saying and I'm just lying to him and that he's so emotional and he's mother she's so emotional and I'm the strongest one
 
the other problem is that we think of marriage but we are not in the same religion, his mother is strict religious she'll never ever accept me as her son's wife , and he doesn't wanna talk to her about this right now because he doesn't wanna hurt his feelings because he knows what his mother will say, and I told him that if his mother won't love me I'll not be with him anymore even tho I love him and I'll be destroyed I may even hurt myself to death if he's gone, his father also is a strict religious and his sister knows that I'm not following their religion so she'll say it one day we cannot hide it and his mother will want me to pray with her and wear the hijab etc and I won't do that
 
and that's why he bring our past back and he started invalidating my emotions when I talked about my fear of abandonment and about he is my favorite person and that I'm paranoid and introvert that's why I cannot be with another person ,but he thinks that I'm that type who get over it quickly and start a new relationship with another one he not just afraid of our breakup but he's cannot accept the fact that I'll be with another one after our breakup ,I think that this is another reason why he don't wanna talk with his mother because he knows I'll break up with him I'll not see a future with him anymore

and there is another problem which is I cannot live my whole life in this country if I wanna have a kid (or even not) but he doesn't wanna move out because he wanna see his mother every week and he thinks that his country is the best country ( of course he thinks that because his country's religion is his religion and he have enough money to live here and if he had kids his kids will follow his religion here forced since childhood 3 years old ) , I told him that we'll find a way to bring his mother with us to another country but he says that she'll not leave her husband and her house ever 
 
and there's another problem which is lack of communication, we never had a communication, if I started communicating with him about a subject he started war with me and then he accused me of it he says I'm the one who starts the war between us , he does not know how to communicate and he doesn't understand me or believe me 
 
I wanna break up with him because I can't take it anymore ,But I cannot break up with him because I'll be destroyed and I don't go to a therapist I don't have enough money and even he will not leave me quickly, please give me your advices I'm in a bad place right now