I feel like with my BPD it takes a really special person to understand and be there for me and unfortinately I've yet to meet a neurotypical person who can handle me. Throughout life all my friends and partners have had severe mental issues, drug addictions, or were alcoholics. I never judged them I had so much empathy for what they went through and knew they had trauma so I accepted them and allowed them to bring toxicity into my life. And I realized last night that I am very self aware of my toxic traits and behavior and have spent years correcting it and being better but most people don't think like I do. I offer so much empathy because I assume they WANT to be better people and when they hurt me they don't mean it but what if they just don't care or ever want to be better. I've been a martyr for so many people. I've carried their trauma and excused terrible behavior for so long and I want to change it. I want to assert boundaries and let better people into my life but I get so scared of rejection and not being accepted because they won't understand me. But I'm tired of being gaslit and letting people treat me terrible. I feel like I'm on the precipice of self love but there's still so much holding me back. I don't know what to do 😔