January 31st I was at a friends house and things started to feel off it felt like I haven’t been there in a while but it had actually only been 3 weeks it felt unfamiliar to me my mind felt like it had been longer so it made me anxious and scared I looked back in my camera roll the whole month of January felt like I didn’t really experience it even though I could still remember everything my memories all felt sort of distant like they didn’t belong to me so I went home to try and sleep it off only to wake up the next day still feeling off it’s a wierd feeling that’s hard to describe and all I could think about 24/7 was why I felt this way things felt wierd to me (I’ve had episodes of depersonalization and derealization in the past) but this time they still looked and felt real but I just kinda felt like something was different I just couldn’t think what it was and it hasn’t stopped since 24/7 from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep I feel really uneasy and on edge constantly thinking about if I’ll ever feel normal again I’m worried I’m going crazy or losing who I am some days I have felt so lost like I was in a fever dream or something sometimes my memories feel dreamlike or sometimes days feel like they blend together and time passes me by fast even though I can remember what happened it feels like my mind is tricking me sometimes I feel disconnected from the people I love it’s just a strange feeling I can’t explain it’s not a physical feeling it’s like my mind  or something if that makes sense
I feel so off and not like myself I’m scared to even do anything other than sit in my room and think about this my work even feels unfamiliar to me and I love what I do and another thing that freaks me out is I constantly try to repeat to myself my symptoms to try and explain them the best I can but I feel like I’m so overwhelmed with it all I physically can’t explain it right and I feel so hopeless like I’m stuck like this forever because nobody will understand it feels like I’ve been living in a nightmare for 5 months and I feel like I completely lost who I am I just wanna be okay again I’m scared I’m going crazy or I’ll never feel normal again even when I try and not think about it it’s always in the back of my head it’s even there when I think about normal stuff it overtakes all my thoughts sometimes I feel like I’m just imagining it but even on good days it just looms in the back of my mind I feel like I don’t have any emotions anymore the things I usually get excited about are just meaningless to me because I can’t enjoy anything with this going on I really need help the world feels different to me almost like I just spawned in and am just now experiencing it even though I know that isn’t true I really just need closure and I wanna know what could have caused this or what’s causing this so I can move past it and get back to being the happy person I was before now it just seems like my mind is permanently altered and not in a good way it’s like everything is just slowly fading away I catch myself constantly monitoring my perception and thoughts trying to convince myself I’m normal but I can’t sometimes it leaves me feeling where I can’t think like my thoughts seem fuzzy and I’m just left feeling super scared,confused,and not feeling right 
I obsess over super wierd things like the other day I took off work because my anxiety was bad then I was thinking how I’m crazy and how work felt distant and unfamiliar to me out of no where even though I was there the day before I obsessed over that the whole day I know something has to be wrong and I seriously need help But I’m scared that there isn’t any way because the feelings I feel towards things like my memories are very hard to describe with words so I feel I won’t ever have 100% accurate diagnosis and treatment I feel sort of a disconnect from life sort of like I feel like I can’t relate to things like normal people or like I did before like I’ll watch a tv show and it just won’t feel right because I feel this disconnect I’m scared because the farther I get from January the more I feel like I’ll never be okay again and I feel like I’ll never be able to connect to my memories and my life again