something everyone with bpd should know is that you’re allowed to set boundaries and you shouldn’t feel guilty for doing so, even if it’s your FP. 

this doesn’t apply when the person is in a genuine emergency, but when someone asks to call you to talk or asks to hang out and you were actually doing something else- stop feeling guilty for wanting to say no!! if they were busy and you asked, they would say another time as well. 

i think the main thing this teaches people is that you’re not always readily available and at their disposal. you need to create these boundaries with others to show them that they can’t just settle on coming to you because they know you will always accept their offer to hang out or let them rant, etc. 

as someone with BPD, i can understand how reading this can make you feel uneasy and guilty when you actually consider doing this to your FP or someone else in your life. but that’s because we so often sacrifice everything we have for someone else, it’s not healthy and it’s draining. sometimes you do need to consider that you’re giving more into a relationship than the other person and act accordingly to that. 

if someone has a problem with you creating these healthy boundaries, they are not the kind of person to keep around in your life. i say this because- anyone who cares about you is going to want you to comfortably opt for hanging out with someone or talking to someone on your own time when that’s what YOU want to do. sometimes you’re just not in the right headspace, and sometimes you’re preoccupied and THATS OK! 

in my previous relationship i used to drop everything when my FP texted or called me, or asked to hang out. i was ALWAYS available. this led them to start to become inconsiderate of my time, and they would start to take hours to respond and often show up a couple hours late if we made plans OR simply cancel plans last minute. 

i learned the hard way from this that when you make yourself a privilege to have in someone’s life rather than a right, they begin to treat you as such. they begin to respect your time as you let it be known you’re not just an option to respond to or hang out with simply because you’re always around. don’t ever let anyone treat you like an option. because if they do, it’s your turn to show them you’re a rarity. 

obviously this post applies to ALL boundaries, but one of the biggest issues i see in the BPD community is self sacrifice. we need to stop bending over backwards for people who cross boundaries at our own expense.