Okay so again with the ex stuff… I’m trying to come up with a decision on wether to be with him or not. Saw him yesterday, AGAIN, and got some more input from his side so I can think this through. 

I feel like a lot of pressure is on, and I can’t shrug it off. Especially today, since It’s Christmas for me, and I’m hanging out with family… in a separate room at the moment since I can’t really handle the whole “emotional” drunk atmosphere. 

ALSO OH GOD, my parents are hanging out for the first time in like 13 years since their divorce (my dad and his girlfriend invited us) and they’re drunk as shit. I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable LMAO seeing my trauma flash before my eyes… They’re discussing some reallyyyyy iffy topics surrounding my upbringing. Literal war flashbacks at the moment.

To conclude, feeling all sorts of questionable emotions next to the overall cloud of numbness and apathy since I still have no answer to my relationship issues. And I have to wait until the 19th to see my therapist.