I'm hungry I can't sleep because of arguing I've got 15 hours or so of sleep in 3 days. I just want to pass peacefully. I've already discussed my will but bring it up in nonchalant ways. I've went from 220 to 160 and literally pulling hair out like alot more than I'd like to admit. I'm actually scared to get a haircut because I'm worried their will be bald spots. Its like I'm just a game piece to be thrown to the side. I'm eating once a day if I'm lucky or snacking throughout. It's almost funny to watch myself die and nobody else seems to care so why should I is how I feel right now. My stomach is cramping my eyes hurt but light out now. Hope is dwindling to me. I miss the better days. Before the fights, my dad and Nana passing. My friends moving away or growing distance. I wanna see him again just to remember more what he was like. There's so much he never got to tell me next year will be my 21st and he can't even drink with me. I hope he's doing OK. Look at me pretending he's still here to feel better. He's gone and it won't ever change