The anxiety OCD brings is no joke. Life felt so reckless and messy for so long; but I can say Fluvoxamine helped those messy thoughts disappear. I didn’t realize how much the OCD impacted me, needing for things to be perfect or else I’d have terrible anxiety, or that nagging voice in the back of your head telling you about things that bother you. As we know, these intrusive thoughts and anxiety can be crippling.

However, I noticed no matter how long and how much Fluvoxamine (with a mix of Wellbutrin to bump up my sh*t libido from the Luvox) it was never perfectly sane.. and with that, I learned that the cause of these intrusive thoughts and anxiety was an outcome of my untreated ADD. Once I got on ADD medication, I realized the Luvox meant nothing to me; though to others, it may be the one solution, I learned the ocd I had was BECAUSE of my ADD, so fixing the ADD just automatically fixed my OCD and a lot of my long term anxiety issues.

Ignorantly and impulsively, I often cut Luvox out. The first few days are amazing. My libidos back and in action, my excitement for sex was more present than ever and my confidence sky rocketed. Don’t get me wrong, Luvox didn’t take a toll on my confidence but the lack of libido really affected my self esteem, being that my husband is quite sexual and with him, I was once too, but being on Luvox just shut me down from it and even made me shy and seem like sex was a chore; which was never like me with him, noting that I still find him so attractive.

But then, day 4 comes along. The dizziness, the confusion, the lack of focus. The brain fog, oh my god the brain fog, so severe I find myself unable to remember where I’m driving. The tingling in my mouth and the numbness of my tongue. The inability to focus at work, to even have basic ability to talk to people without being a mess. The higher heart rate, the anger you never had over stupid things. The constant daily light headedness mixed with fatigue. The depression that comes with all these symptoms.

Each time, I run back and take my master, and I swallow him as fast as I can because he practically owns me.

4-6 weeks of constant weening off and lower dosages, the doctors and pharmacists say. But even then, though not as strong, the side effects present themselves and you feel you have no choice but to just continue to obey the master and resort to the mediocre personality the master gives you, rather than the true personality hiding within you but taken into captivity by the SSRI pill.

I’m not addicted, but I prefer to obey the master than to feel the way I feel 4 days away from him.

***A little bit of dramatic writing here, but the truth stands behind it. Kicking Luvox (or many ssris for that matter) is hard, man. Had I known it would be this painful, I would have avoided it at all costs. My jaws clenching at being away from it, and I just look forward to the day where I can function and be myself without it.***