I missed my meds. Usually whenever I miss one dose, I start having symptoms of whichever side I’m currently in. Right now I’m in a mania.

Forgot my meds yesterday morning so last night, me being the idiot I am, fucking texted an ex that I was randomly thought about thanks to a show, that I had an extreme trauma bond with. Still, fucking 11 years later, I think about him occasionally, still remember his phone number and my idiot self fucking texted him. Fuck.

So now thanks to my BPD and the fucking bond, I’m obsessively checking my texts half hoping for a message again (because we did go back and forth and it was still his fucking number) and half hoping I don’t hear from him again. 

He made sure to inform me he was single and I was just as beautiful as ever. Fuck.


Sorry I just really needed to vent even though I’ll probably delete this soon 😅