I have no friends, I don't talk to my family, and my boyfriend broke up 5 days ago.

I lost all motivation, barely go to college and I don't know what to do.

I  think about him all day long, about what we lived and what we still had  to do. I eat one meal a day because I just can't sit and eat where we  ate together. I hate everything around me, everything I see makes me  think about him. I don't sleep as much as I should, I hate my bed, the  bed in which we slept.

He was my  only confidant, the center of my life for the past 3 months. I can't get  over this. Our memories hurt me so much. I miss everything about him.

And  in the meantime I don't want him to feel bad. He wishes we could stay  friends, and I wish I were able to. But that's too hard. I don't want to  keep daydreaming about us still being together. I used to do that,  living outta reality, for instance walking in the street alone and  pretending I'm talking to a partner. Filling my head with fake  scenarios. I don't want this to happen with him.

I  want to try getting my ex to hate me so he won't be worried about  weither or not I'm ok, and I cant help but feel weird about this. I also  think that him hating me may be the only way I can let go our  relationship.

I'm  just so lost, we spent a weekend together 2 weeks ago, I don't know why  it changed, why this happens to me. I can't help but think about this.  It feels so unfair. I have no one to talk to. I never been that low in  my entire life. I wish I could end it all but I want/need to stay alive.  I don't know what to do. I need him.