So this is something I have never seen anyone talk about before. I’m putting it here because my mom has intense anxiety and this is the only place that seemed fitting. 

My mom is addicted to taking photos. She lives through photos and taking them. She takes pictures of everything, birds, a selfie, going to a restaurant, her dog, things at the store, and even the tv. And it’s not just one picture, it’s multiple. And if the picture is of people, this photo will be “perfected”, no matter how many photos this takes. On Christmas Eve last year for a family photo it took from 1 am to 3am to get the “perfect” picture. I was annoyed as hell. 

This may sound maybe just a little annoying and not a big deal, but I think my mom does this to cope. I have a sibling with a terminal illness, and my theory is she wants as many pictures as possible when they’re gone. The problem with this is she is absolutely not living in the moment of any situation. It’s almost like a way of dissociation for her, for her not to be in reality. But it’s become such a problem in life with her that I truly cannot stand it. 

It’s affected me in weird ways that I honestly feel guilty about because at the end of the day, it’s just pictures right? Sometimes I absolutely blow up on her, when the perfect picture isn’t perfect yet and I’m standing in the snow for 45 minutes straight. I freak out and reach a point where I yell or leave and get upset and then feel bad because I know she just wants a picture. But it’s also caused severe body dismorphia in me, I don’t think it’s the only cause but it elevated it so much. No matter where I went, i needed to look picture perfect. And as I grew up, and moved away, and didn’t focus on my looks as much anymore, any pictures of me would drive me absolutely crazy and I would be so insecure. 

I don’t know how she is supposed to let go of needed to capture every moment perfectly and instead just be here, now.