I don’t know why I bother.  I go to therapy, do the meditations, workout, try to be healthy. Yet I’m still crying on Christmas.  I don’t think my family understands me, and the coworker I’m in love with has moved on already. I feel so completely alone, and I feel like a 2D person around others. Like people don’t see me as a real human.  I’m usually good at staving off the urges to hurt myself, but this time around…I don’t know.  I just want to not exist.  Like the loneliness is soul crushing, and I’m trying to be with the grief, sit with it, but it just doesn’t end. It’s like a black hole of sadness. Maybe New Years will feel different. This year has been something else.