This new FP is my childhood friend and I've known him for 12 fucking years. He knows about my disorder and how it's affected me for years and that still affects me every single day. In fact, he even rooted for me the whole time I was got officially diagnosed. 

I've had a long string of Favorite Persons throughout my life and almost every single one of them were people who weren't healthy. If they weren't an alcoholic, broken, or suicidal too, they'd have some other issue. But this FP is a really good guy and he means the world to me. I've loved him even before he was my FP but now I just love him even more. *And I'm terrified.*

It's been really chaotic the last few days and I've been getting worse because of the last FP I lost two months ago (that I had to mourn over *twice*) and my new FP being someone who I really never wanted to be my FP ever. We both agreed on this; as I've explained to him what having an FP felt and looked like and that he's seen my relationships die in a chaotic hurt-filled fury every single time—which is why it distressed me more. 

However! In the midst of the chaos, we talked it out and he told me that we would do our best if he were to ever become my FP. He is officially my FP now. I am still yet to tell him.

So, in essence, I would love to hear all the inputs on trying to keep a relationship because I 've never kept a single one in my life and I don't want him to suffer the same way all the ones before him did. But he's willing to work with me. He's willing to learn and he's never failed at always being very supportive of me. 

I love this man, he's actually healthy and a generally good person. I don't want him to be like everyone else despite my BPD thinking that he still won't be an exception and will leave me too. And I can't imagine living through another devastation that'll be the worst than anything else. 

But I know it's possible. I've seen people have healthy relationships with their FP. It's real even if it feels fucking impossible. I have a therapist, and seeing an LPC on top of that. I might get medicated soon too (yay). And I'm trying really hard but it's *really fucking hard.* I know I say it every time, but I just want things to be different so tremendously terribly. I have so much love for him. If only I could do the same for myself.

&amp;#x200B;

TL;DR: I have a new FP who's my childhood friend and I want all the advice for keeping a relationship and advice on how he can be a good FP too. He'll most likely be on this sub soon so we can welcome him hehe. Thank you so much. You guys have all my love&lt;3