My ex and I broke up in January and I desperately didn't want to. He didn't treat me well but I looked at him like he was the sun and he meant so much to me. I begged him to stay for weeks but it was pointless. A couple of weeks later I find out I'm pregnant. I was so scared and told him and he promised he would help but weeks passed and he would always make excuses. I took matters into my own hands. Please don't judge me for my decision as I know some people wont agree with what I did but thats ok. I told him I sorted it but still couldn't let go I carried on begging him to talk to me / stay I felt so hopeless and alone and guilty and depressed eventually things came to a head and I tried to take my own life. I was hospitalised so many times but eventually after some time I felt like I had to try. (After a few months of therapy(where I was diagnosed with BPD hospital visits etc ) so fast forward to August and I meet somebody and he is everything I want. We spend some time together and end up in a relationship. Whe have been together since and  have developed a love for each other and he is my favourite person but theres a problem. I am still in a state over my ex. I still want to talk to him about what happened and for him to tell me it will be ok, I still cant cope at thoughts of him being with another girl and I feel like without closure I cannot move forward. He left me to go through this alone and so many people worship him as a person and it makes me feel so much anger. I know I dont want him back as it would never work but I just cant move on without him.  I feel like giving up and like I should be over this but I just dont get over things . I see no point in staying alive if this pain never ends. Ive tried so hard. I love my boyfriend and dont want to lose him but this will never leave. 