No one has ever noticed how much I struggle. I've had a few doctor's appointments but I can't articulate how bad I feel in a way that makes any sense, so the doctor doesn't think it's that bad. I feel like I'm waiting to hit rock bottom so people will finally notice me and offer help. 

I can perform basic daily functions enough that no one sees how hard it is for me. I'm a good student so when my grades drop, they're still relatively good. I self harm, but not enough to actually hurt myself or need stitches. I've been doing this for so long that I know how to hide every symptom and every warning sign. 

After 10 years it is unimaginable for me to stop hiding it. I don't even know how. Even though I want help I don't know how to get it. And if I do, and I get better, no one will ever know how much I was hurting.