Let me start off by saying that my partner is amazing. An angel on this earth. So understanding, so comforting. He feels like home to me completely. I feel like due to my mental illness that I could never reciprocate that no matter how hard I try. I have my mood swings and lash out constantly. I make him feel like he is doing something wrong because Im constantly scared that he is going to leave me even though he is constantly reassuring me that he is here for good. He tells me all the time that it isnt easy but that its worth it and that he loves me. And most of me believes him, but that irrational part of my brain- god damn it. It takes over so much. I feel like Im never going to be able to give him all that he deserves because I cant just feel decent. I feel like I am so lucky to have him but like he gets the shit end of things because I am so unstable. I feel like with all my mood swings and my fear and my irrational jealousy due to constantly comparing myself to everyone else that he should have no reason to love me. I know I am projecting my own self deprocating thoughts, and it sucks. Im so insecure. And it shows constantly. I just want to be a better person for him and i stg im trying so fucking hard, but between constant dread and panic attacks and depression, I feel like Ill never be able to express to him how much he truly means to me and I cant seem to show him because my brain is constantly self sabotaging. Am I alone in this? Does anyone have any kind words to spare on the subject, or does anyone relate?