I lost my grandfather 4 years ago, I'm not good with emotions, at all, but for the first year I just pretended hadn't happened to be there for my parents and my family...

I may add that 6 months before his passing I had a nightmare of his death, due to sudden cardiac arrest, so real I thought he was dead for a day or so, after waking up...
6 months later he died the same way I dreamt of, and it carries so much guilt, bc I feel, allthough I know its irrational, I could have prevented it, by asking him to go to a doctor 
But I doubt he would have taken me seriously, noone would have, they would have just called me crazy, even though the death cause was exactly what I dreamt of and happened rhe exact way, in the exact spot...

Still now to this day I feel like everyone has moved on, they've dealt with it, but I just can't, I ignore it for weeks but end up crying on the floor, every month or so bc I miss him...
Of course unbeknown to anyone...
And the guilt is so bad....

By now more people died in my family, like 3, but I haven't realised that yet, bc i'm still stuck on his death...
I know they're dead but I haven't had an emotional reaction to it, its like an emotion pending I guess..

I really don't know how to move past it, I've read that months to handle grieve is the normal amount so 4 years is literally  8 times the amount...
How do u move past and handle the grieve?