This past month has been horrible for me and I have no idea why my brain is doing this to me.  I work in IT and I had a pretty easy slow paced helpdesk job that I didn't get paid well or treated well at.  Our staff was overworked to the max and they treated us like we were garbage.  I got covid from the boss there and was told I was "allowed" to work from home as I was having a hard time with covid and I passed it to my family because of the company.  Then when I get back to work they give me this small raise and triple my job duties and it just snapped something in me. 

 So I started putting in applications and got picked up by a contractor company to work for a much bigger company doing help desk stuff.  The pay was a 50% increase in pay and lots of opportunities to move into other fields in IT.  I aced the interview and all the tests they put me through but since they gave me the offer I've been just an absolute mess.  I've not been eating and been in a bad place mentally thinking about how I'm going to fail and lose my home and my wife and kids and everything we own because I don't feel capable of doing the work. 

 Then after I started my first day I find out it is more of a call center than a helpdesk which just increases my anxiety more and all of that good stuff.  Then I found out my Dr moved me to wellbutrin from lexapro then told me wellbutrin wasn't for anxiety so now I'm in the process of moving back to lexapro.  All I can think about is just leaving the job before I even give it a chance.  I've only been doing it for 3 days and tomorrow is my 4th but I just feel like I'm a failure and made a horrible decision and should have just stayed where I was before.  I should be happy I found this place and that I'm making more money and the company has its choices of employees it doesn't have to take anyone.  Apparently they can and do hire only who they think are the best and have a very lengthy process they look at people through before offering.  I just feel like I slipped through and I'm going to get in there and mess everything up then just lose everything I have and love because you can't make a mistake here you know?  

I feel like a failure as a person.  I don't have a degree and only have a hs education and work exp.  I am not suicidal at all but I often think about how much I wish I just would go in my sleep but then I'd miss my kids and my wife.  I feel so bad for my wife because she has been so supportive for me this past month but I feel like she might just be saying what I want to hear and trying to calm me down than what she really is thinking.

Sorry for this cluster.  I'm on mobile just trying to calm myself down for tomorrow.