it was my birthday last week and i did not get to spend it the way i wanted to despite telling my friends what i wanted. i got birthday gifts that i did not want and would have much rather received money instead. my friends have my wishlist too so they could have just seen what i wanted. they took me out for a belated birthday dinner to a place that i didn't enjoy. all i wanted was to go to a bar and get comfortably tipsy. i have been asking for that for weeks/months. i would go alone but I'm too nervous to go to the bars alone these days because it's always crowded (due to covid restrictions easing up where I'm at)

&amp;#x200B;

i know i sound super ungrateful right now but it just sucks to already be alone and never seeing my friends unless they initiate it first because whenever i initiate, everyone is busy, so when it's time to "celebrate" me, it doesn't feel like a celebration at all. just another day of having to please everyone and act like I'm not being let down &amp; not being listened to.