My family always criticizes me and manipulate me and bring me down. Its funny how other people always complimented and appreciated me but my family cant lmaooo. I get so depresst that I joined them in criticizing myself so now whenever they do guilt trip or criticize or blame me for something, I just go along with it like they'll say, you're too immature! Irresponsible! You deserve all the shitiness in your life.

And I'll say, damn right I do. Im so worthless and stupid that even death doesn't want me.

Everyone has their own way of coping during hard times. I find comfort in self-hating, it's my own way of coping. I feel like if I don't hate myself more than anyone, I'll break. I built a character based on self-hating. I feel like this is the only thing I have, to protect myself from bad relationships and bad experiences.. Would I be considered salty? I do taste salty.

I do hope someday, I'd find value in myself.

But rn, it's just incomprehensible.