Hi, I am 30years old female. I have not been single for 14years. I have had numerous relationships and each relationship started before the previous one was over and each time I thought he is the one but when things didn’t work out instead of trying to make things better I jump.  I got married 5 years ago after dating for less than a year all the time knowing that I wasn’t over my ex and that I really didn’t love him. But I cared for him more than anything, I married him as he told his parents about me and I didn’t want him to feel rejected (I know now that I was dumb to get married for this reason) Things were good for a while but he had drinking problem and later I found out he was fighting depression too. Things were going downhill, he wouldn’t do anything except drinking and sometimes he used to get mad and beat me after drinking. Next day when I used to ask him about that, he used to pretend that it never happened and if I insisted him to remember then he would just say i love you, and so what if i slapped you once or twice, don’t i have this much right. I was scared of him, but still I cared about him, so I never involved the parents as if i did he will be insulted. He was a narcissist, used to blame me for everything whether it was his loss of friends, his sadness, his fight with his parents, for everything bad thing that happened to him, I was the reason.  And after all this, as stated earlier about my condition I started talking to my ex. Now he found out that I am in contact with my ex and we are getting a divorce. I am relieved that I will get rid of him but I am not sure if I can change. I don’t want to be a cheater. How can i change myself. Please suggest.