I’m very sorry to come in with such a question but I’m scared. I’m 18 and my mental health has basically been a roller coaster since I was 12. I feel like I’ve been in survival mode ever since. My parents are the type that should be divorced but are still married, with my father and other family members I have a terrible relationship, I don’t have anyone who cares about me at all, I have no hobbies and no interest in starting any, I just stay in bed all day using my phone to not think about my life, I guess that’s why I do it. The small city I live in is a toxic environment for me because it triggers my childhood trauma. I was bullied at 12 and it affected me a lot, and I used to have suicidal thoughts. I suppressed my feelings at the time and that’s how I solved it but eventually it came all back to me within the years. I’ve been stuck in this cycle for as long as I can remember. I’m just tired of living like this, I do have that little voice that tells me to fight but that’s it, in the end I think I got used to this and I don’t even try anymore, I just let the days pass by. I go to a therapist but she just thinks that I have to try new things and face life until I leave this place but I just can’t do it and I mean it. I feel guilty but even if I set my mind to it in the end I don’t make it happen. I just stay in my bed feeling miserable.