My girlfriend has BPD and I struggle with depression. I feel as though dating her has made me more depressed. I often feel that she is controlling and can lash out in really hurtful ways when I do things she doesn’t like. I don’t have anyone to talk to about our relationship problems because she doesn’t think it’s anyone else’s business, but I truly don’t know what to do or how to handle her at times.


She frequently sets limitations on the things I can do for admittedly no reason (she’s admitted it comes from her own insecurities and nothing that i’ve done). Who I follow, how I interact with other women, and so on. I often find that she has a lot of double standards for me. i.e. she can follow this person but I can’t because their content isn’t something i’d normally like. A lot of the boundaries are things I wouldn’t even do in the first place, but it’s frustrating for her to make a big show about preventing me from doing something and then doing it herself.

I admit that i’m not perfect, and that I can lose my temper and get snappy. But she’s my first girlfriend and when things get rough and I beg her to go to therapy to manage her BPD nothing ever happens. I feel as though I’ve grown to resent her, and any time I try to set my own boundaries or set my own guidelines it turns into an exhausting fight where she undoubtedly will shutdown and cry. It’s extremely emotionally draining for me. I’ve told her many times before I don’t like how she sets these limits on me and makes passive aggressive comments at me, and she’ll promise to let up, but she never does. I sometimes feel like even though i’m an adult i’ve just found someone else who limits my freedom and monitors all my interactions and leaves me no privacy, like my parents did growing up.

I just feel constantly disrespected and brushed off because she has BPD and I have no idea what it’s like. I try my best to research but it’s hard when she never gives me any of that same energy. Idk, this will probably get lost and then deleted, I just need help on establishing boundaries. Sorry if this is scattered, feel free to ask any questions.