I grew up in a very Toxic household. Mom used to be completely toxic and childish while who couldn't handle her like an Adult used to get extremely violent. There were days when my mom used to scream out of pain so loudly that  a ten year old me had to cover the ears of my  7 year old brother and take him far away from the house where no body could find us. I used to sit on a rock and cry while he used to play in the mud.

On the other hand, my mom didn't back down either, she found more and more reasons to instigate fights, heavily insult my dad and finally after hours of silent listening to her toxic wards, he used to become violent. Entire childhood was like this.
On the other side, I myself was an extremely manipulative and toxic child in  school who often was too easy to identify as manipulative, i could unleran this train only after I turned twenty.

They joined us in a toxic school where teachers were famous for low quality teaching, students known for being the worst, and teachers who caned students more than they actually taught students.
Both my parents didn't care how much we suffered in the school , never thought of joining us in a proper healthy school. I used to think it was because of our financial status as a middle class family 2ho couldn't afford schools with good education, but later in life I discovered that , it was infact possible for them to join us in a good school which were charging less fees than mine was. It was their negligence that let to my suffering.

After the Schooling until tenth grade, my dad paid a huge amount of money to join me in an extremely toxic institute, where they stuffed 80 students in a small room without ventilation for 12 hours of constant teaching, most of which I could never understand because I didn't have the necessary basics. Whenever I complained about it, they just told me that only through struggles that I can succeed. I used to sit in the last bench, with stinking shoes which were soaked of sweat from my anxiety feet. I used to cry for hours there, neither the teachers not the parents were allowing me to even breath fresh air. Finally I rebelled up and decided not to study or listen to classes but just  sit there in the class.

Now it's been an year since I have done my Masters in Business. I worked as a lecturer because I was so depressed to even attend a corporate interview but somehow I was able to be happy teaching. Even then they asked me to get a "man's job" which pays well and not a time pass teaching job which doesn't. Entire town gave respect except for my parents because I was not earning more money.
 
And while I was working, I guess my father too was feeling guilty about his behaviour he attempted on his life, but instead got his leg severely injured.

I was the one who picked him up from a pool of blood and took care of both my traumatised parents for 6months, putting my mental health aside, and working full time as a lecturer.After he was alright, i was the one who made sure that he won't lose his job by potraying the attempt as an accident and convincing his company's medical team that he was physically and mentally fit.

Only after everything was alright,I began to travel. I thought if I go away my depression will reduce and it infact did. I was feeling more confident than ever, Hopeful about future , made a proper plan of taking an Educational loan to go abroad to study and possibly earn well. Yet again, they said that I was too unstable to do so.
I had lost hope, I thought I should end it, but before that I wanted to confront both of them. I wanted an apology and some financial support till I get back on my feet with a functional mind. But it all spiralled out very badly. He asked me not come back and that he wouldn't not support me financially. 
Now my mind is dysfunctional, it's been months since I was able to properly think or work. My meds were not working. Even if I told the doctor to change or even changing the doctor themselves is not helping. So I forcibly took some gold from my own home and moved out.
Now I don't know If I will survive all this new trauma I originated. The guilt of not being able to function and earn, and the guilt of stealing is killing me. My mind has become numb and I am constantly confused . I  used to have proper plans for my career and my family, now I don't even know if I will be able to survive barely an year. Is this the end of me. Should I just give up? I don't think i have the mental strength to do anything.