You ever look around and see that the world seems to spin around in ways where your forced to keep reliving all these thoughts. 

You think your free from your past but all it does is foreshadow your future

Your stuck in this endless loop of the same emotions, at a point you feel like you have the world right in your arms

Then at another point you feel like the world has you in its palms and it just wants to squeeze all the life out of you

You feel like a cup that’s all full 

and at other points you feel like an empty glass collecting dust 

You try to hide how empty you feel but you end up carrying so much of nothing 

That it ends up breaking the glass when it’s full

You can’t have the best of everything without carrying the worst of it all

I feel like I’ve been set to failure and the very soil I stand on hates me more then I ever could hate myself 

The stars look down on me and decide that I’m not the type of soul they want to shine down on

And I’m too much of a bad person to even have to right to ask god for forgiveness or even mercy

I’ve tried punishing myself but all I gain is a temporary high

Not enough to end the weight of my empty heart

I keep running after things I can’t have

Then I grieve the loss of something I never deserve to even feel

I’ve tried distancing myself from life but I don’t want to constantly watch my soul detach itself from my body 

I’ve tried distracting myself but that comes and goes too quickly 

I feel like I’ve been abandoned by everything I kept chasing 

And it hurt because I’ve realised how small I am to even matter

I crave the nothingness 

Like it is what the world wants from me 

But I’m too much of a coward to pull myself out of the endless loop

I’m too much of a coward to even admit that I have a problem 

Maybe I’d feel courageous enough soon

But for now I feel so empty that it is painlessly painful

I’m losing control of myself 

I’d be comfortable if I lost my mind, I don’t want it anymore.