I (19M) have performance anxiety around sex and it messes with my ability to get hard. Nothing is wrong with me physically it’s all mental. 

The other day I was giving a girl a back rub, hard as a rock almost instantly from the little sounds she was making. It was because i knew there would be no sex. However naked and making out in bed I feel like I’m in highscool giving a presentation to a class laughing at me and I’m as soft as a marshmallow. 

The only time that I have had sex was with a girl in the shower and I just randomly got hard and she bent over but again there wasn’t a build up with expectations on me.

I told know how to handle this. I got beta blockers from my doctor saying they were for public speaking but they don’t seem to work that well. I’m thinking of trying Xanax for it.

Alcohol is similar chemically to benzodiazepines and I usually get an erection automatically after my first drink of a night. Sometimes it messes with my ability to get hard and sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve been 10 beers deep with an erection before.

However adderal does effect my ability to get hard. And aren’t people either one or the other? Either uppers or downers effects them negatively? 

Anyway I know I need therapy but I literally cannot sit down face to face with someone and talk about this. I’d probably bust out sobbing and also think that they think I’m a loser.