i had been estranged from a family member for a few years following an argument

recently we started talking again, and i told them what i felt at the time. that the usual signs that i felt, and the stuff that i usually did with other people, werent really happening, so it actually felt like i could talk to someone for more than a day without blocking them and not be alone for once. this was the first time i had talked to someone for more than a day or two in months, so yeah, theyre my only friend right now

i wanted to hang out with them all day long, and even started having some more perverse thoughts down the line as im a hypersexual bpd, which is a very no no thing as theyre a family member. thankfully i never let those thoughts get too far, and i just felt like hitting myself afterwards for even thinking about something so stupid.

but now, seemingly overnight, its turned into severe devaluation, and sometimes even just hearing them so much as breathe makes me irrationally angry

and since theyre family, i cant turn to my regular tactic of just blocking the person and moving on

its starting to take a toll on me, but i cant talk to them about it because i dont like confrontation, theres just no way out of this

is there a way where i can just.. reverse it or something?

im slowly going back to thoughts of self harm and id rather not do that, as its annoying, and even more so when family members start asking about it and making a big deal out of it