Years of poverty, loneliness, deprivation of human touch, low self esteem, not having normal life experiences are taking their toll and will shorten my life. When I lay down at night, My heart flutters in my chest and I stop breathing. The inner despair and emotional pain is too much to bear. All I can think about is biology, being born premature, in poverty, not having the right attitude toward life ruined me, there was never any chance. Now its all coming to a close.