I was diagnosed with BPD and OCD a year ago. I have excoriation disorder (meaning I compulsively pick at my skin). I have scars on my arms, my chest, and my back. My face has been clearing up great (I use to have giant dark marks on my face), however I hit a rough patch and picked at my face again. Now I have a huge scar on my face. I obsess over my skin. Constantly going in and out of the bathroom and looking at my skin for hours. I know I sound so vain, and I don’t know why I obsess over my skin so much, but I’m constantly feeling so helpless, ugly, and worthless. I let me skin stop me from everything, going out in public, going to social gatherings, wearing certain clothes, going to the beach or swimming, meeting new people, and especially getting intimate. 

I don’t allow myself to form relationships, especially romantically. I’m too afraid to become intimate in fear of what they’ll think of my skin. But also what they’ll think of my in general. Whenever I talk to someone, it seems like they become uninterested, or they ghost me, or think I’m “weird” or “crazy”. My BPD has caused me to lose my relationships with everyone. I have absolutely no friends. Whenever I begin to talk to someone or meet someone new, it seems to always end very quickly. It’s at the point where I just push people away, because I feel like I’m doing them a favor. I’m saving them from having to deal with somebody like me. 

I’m just feeling very stuck and alone. All I do is work. I don’t talk to people, or leave the house, I don’t even have a hobby. This past week has been so rough for me and I’m feeling very lost.