That's how I feel almost all of the time. I have spent most of my life so far being a doormat without realizing it. Took abuses because I thought that was what I deserved, or I could help them be better/get back on their feet, or any other excuse I could/can find. I have been used for sex, money, a place to stay, or transportation. I'll justify it to myself, or convince myself that it goes both ways, that I'm getting something out of it. The part that is bothering me now is seeing these people who did these things to me be so happy with someone else. I know that relationships aren't the same with everyone. I just wonder what I did/do to not get the happier/nicer/better version of this person?