I feel so alone now.  
Yet also relieved.

&gt;!Hello, Thorben,!&lt;

&amp;#x200B;

&gt;!I have decided to leave TDZ and the other servers/groups involved and end our friendship. I'm not getting any better and my fear is just growing. !&lt;

&gt;!I choose to send you a letter this way, to prevent you from being left with a Ralph feeling. That would be unfair to you...!&lt;

&amp;#x200B;

&gt;!I have enjoyed our friendship intensely, but I have the feeling that it can only crumble from here and I'd rather not see that happen. There comes a point when you, too, have to admit that I'm a lost cause. I feel like I am on a boat that is sailing from a stream and there is a waterfall at the end of the stream.!&lt;

&amp;#x200B;

&gt;!Thank you so much for everything you've done for me. I look up to you - as you probably know - very hard. Of course that's part of the problem, I idealize you in an unhealthy way and that's pretty unhealthy. I also understand that you need space, which I can't really give.!&lt;

&amp;#x200B;

&gt;!I suppose we've become friends because of who I really am. However, without the anxiety and issues I can't behave like myself. I am ashamed of who I am and I sincerely wish I could just act normal. That I would be more like myself without the anxiety.!&lt;

&amp;#x200B;

&gt;!If there is another way to do this, I did it, but I don't see a way out at the moment. If I accidentally hurt you or the other guys with this, know that this is anything but the point.!&lt;

&amp;#x200B;

&gt;!Lots of love,!&lt;

&gt;!Dylan!&lt;

&amp;#x200B;

&amp;#x200B;

&gt;!Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version) because original was in Dutch!&lt;

How do I go from here? I currently have only 1 friend left, but he's hard to reach and has his own issues. I feel like crying, but I can't.