Trigger warning because I don’t want to want to be insensitive to people who are actually sick (I don’t know that I’m not but I think this is mainly anxiety).

I’ve been neglecting my health. I barely go outside. I take 40mg of adderall every day to study and do work. I’ve stopped making meals and just stick empanadas and vegetable nugget things into the air fryer every day. 

I’ve been having really weird back pain for two weeks now. It’s mainly on my left side, but my body just feels horrible. I thought it was maybe that my parent was sleeping on me weird or something but we’ve always cuddled with no issues. 

Today it dawned on me that I haven’t had a Pap smear ever (I know, yikes). I’m 28F and am lying in bed freaking out CONVINCED that cancer has spread to my back and body and that I’m a goner. 

And it’s not like I can just waltz into a doctors office and have them “test me for cancer”. I’m afraid/avoid going to the doctor at all costs. I’m worried it’s too late for me. How can I get rid of this fear?