Important:  
**She has never mentally or physically been abusive she was the gentler parent who put up with a lot of crap from my narc (possibly bipolar) father.**  


As a child I held a lot of anger and resentment towards my mom. I'm embarassed to admit even around 7+ years old I was making threats towards her whenever I felt like she was abandoning me because I didn't know how to control my anger or outbursts. I have never actually felt violent towards her it was just how I felt when I was a kid didn't know how to articulate it. The reason I felt like she was abandoning me is when she would have to leave at night for her second job and leave me home with my dad who was an alcoholic at the time so I was fearful as a child how she left me in those situations. My dad never did anything to me but I was just so scared of seeing drunk people when I was little.   


As an adult I've gotten a really good handle managing my outbursts now. But it's something towards her that I can't seem to heal. Everything she does still annoys me and I feel horrible about it because I'm in my late 20s still having these almost childlike outbursts. For example I drove her to work today and we stopped by starbucks on the way, she asks me what they have for breakfast and I gave her the options, then I asked her what she wanted and she goes "just get me anything". I don't know why it set me the hell off like just tell me what you want after I gave you the options? And then I feel bad I yelled at her in the car it's just unnecessary I don't know why these things piss me off. It could be anyone else and it wouldn't set me off the same way as it does with my mom.  


I'm just tired of getting riled up obviously she doesn't deserve it. She's always been patient with me despite my BPD outburst with her sometimes. I don't know where it's coming from. Just want to see if anyone can relate or what it could be from and how to get better at managing this? Please be gentle.