I can’t even remember what I mentioned, it was nothing absurd. One of the things I mentioned was my rent to my partner, the local council has suspicions that the landlord is taking too much money. Partner says I should’ve kept my mouth shut in case I owe money. I do not. I’m intelligent enough to work out basic numbers and I’m luck that my benefits are paying my rent. I snapped and told him he’d feel differently if his money was possibly being taken. It just feels like he’s been off with me for the last couple of days. 

I mention this to him, in a composed manner and he just says ‘I don’t have to agree with you’. I know that’s perfectly fine but I listen to him rant on about football and I just try to understand. This isn’t trivial shit, this is my life. Where I live, where I sleep. I’ve got forms to send off for my benefits and he wouldn’t even lend me the money at first yet I’m the one that pays for his unemployed broke ass. 

It all ended up with him calling me a slut. I told the police this month about something that happened to me 10 years ago, I finally plucked up the courage and told them and he uses that word. Of all the words, that word. 

Yes I should be grateful because he’s my carer and gets me food when I can’t go out etc but I know damn well I don’t *need* him if it came to the crunch. 

I’m sorry, I’ve rambled. I feel like a kid again, my dad would tell if I cried I’d lost the argument and I’m laying in bed now with a lump in my throat. I’m alternating between hitting him but he’ll just floor me or crying my eyes out only to be told that he can’t handle me crying. 

I know what to do, I know what I’d say to a friend in this position but it’s hard when I’m in it myself.