I feel like for years I've been stuck in a moment, and I just want to be unstuck. I still remember it. I was in the car, going home after taking a university entrance exam. I remember the view, which side I was on the car. What he said, the tone of his voice. 

When I let my mind wander, I am there again. Sometimes I feel nothing of it. Sometimes I cry until I'm out of breath. I try to focus on other things, but in the end im still stuck.Time hasn't moved properly for awhile now because I'm still there.

Ever since then I've just regressed as a person. Less social, isolated myself. Made no new friends ever since I entered university. Lost contact with old friends, why bother with someone like me. Panic attacks. Im a cripple physically, i still can't walk normally. I get so tired after standing for just a few minutes.  

Somehow I'm still functioning academically, I have no idea how but I've been a deans lister for the past 4 trimesters which is considered stellar. But I don't feel stellar. I feel like a fraud among my batchmates. An alien. I just want to shut everyone out. Even my own family, among all my cousins, thinks I'm the loser with no prospects out of all of us. I'm just inept and inadequate in every way. 

I have a very strong urge to neglect all my responsibilities and just curl up in my bed and sleep forever. But I know I'm not going to. I don't want to waste my parents money.

I'm just so tired and have no idea how to fix it. There is just nothing in my life I look forward to. I want to give up.