My whole life I've wondered if something was wrong with me. I was always sad, always felt lonely and never really felt connected to anyone. This plus a combination of other things led me to believe I was simply depressed and anxious the whole time. I'm not sure how, but it must have been as I was desperately scrolling through other sub-reddits about \*TW\* suicide, self-harm and looking for advice as I was slowly reaching my breaking point, wondering if life was even worth living if I've only ever experienced misery. Anyway, I just say this to say, that because of this community I've grown to understand myself a bit more. I am still undiagnosed (so I hope I am not in violation in any rules), but I recently got a new job which means I finally have insurance again (turned 26 last August) so I can hopefully start seeking treatment and get a formal diagnosis. Based on my (years of) research and what I've read from you all, it seems like I may lean more toward quiet BPD, but I also don't want to make any assumptions since I'm not a professional, so I will just wait for a formal diagnosis, if I can even get one. I'm also become very aware of how stigmatized this is from those w/o BPD as well as professionals themselves. I am currently diagnosed with acute depression and generalized anxiety disorder, but over the past years have come across both BPD and ADHD (inattentive/non-hyperactive) communities and I've never felt more seen in my life, especially with BPD. 

I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable enough to tell my story, but I want to thank you all for sharing yours. I know we all feel like we don't belong and never will, but at least there is come comfort in knowing now that there are people out there who feel what I do. I may feel lost, but I'm not as alone as I thought I was. Still doesn't change how I feel inside, but again, thank you guys for always being courageous enough to share your stories, no matter how unjustified you may feel in the moment.