Okay, so, I have a lot of thoughts about killing myself. It's mostly just intrusive thoughts and I don't think I actually want to die. But also, sometimes I feel like I want to fake a suicide attempt? Or like, try to kill myself but not succeed? Which makes literally no sense and I don't understand it. Maybe I just want attention, idk. But I hate it so much, I hate when I have thought like that. I have other thoughts like that that are like, maybe I feel like I want to be raped or have some sort of mental illness (that I don't have) that's really serious, like did for example. Stuff like that. It's so fucked up and I hate it so much. Idk why I'm like this. Like, I get lowkey jealous of people who have it worse than me. Wtf?