If I die today please know this.    
I wanted to be better.    
I wanted to be far more than I had been.    
I had dreams.    
So many dreams.    
Enough to last 100 lifetimes.    
I wanted to be capable of everything.    
I wanted to do good.    
I wanted to keep a routine.   
I wanted to be able to stay organized.    
I wanted to take care of myself.    
To shower everyday.    
To always put makeup on my face.    
To always look beautiful.    
To dress for the occasions.    
I wanted to be able to look at a mirror.    
I wanted to be able to look at a mirror so bad.    
To be able to see myself without disgust, guilt, shame.    
Without self-hate.    
Self-hatred.    
What a horrifying way to live.    
Always questioning every action you take.
Every word you say.    
Doubting your own abilities.    
Fearing your abilities.    
I wanted to be able to do all the things I needed to do.    
I didn’t make it.    
But I so hope you do.    
Because I love you.    
You are strong.    
You are resilient.    
You have the ability to do anything.    
You are smart.    
Your heart is selfless.    
Don’t let your brain fool your heart.    
Fight it.    
Let your soul win.    
Mine didn’t.    
But I so want yours to.    
Please.    
Fight.    
Win.    
**Live.**