Has anyone noticed they are irresponsible to the point of being self-destructive? I have very grandiose goals (because I need to prove I'm worth something) but I can't do the simplest things? It's not that I don't want to or I'm lazy (though I am a lazy person), I always plan to do something, whether it's meeting up with someone as promised or revising. When I promise to do something, I genuinely think I will.  
 Right now, I should be revising histology, I need to re-take a short test I failed because I couldn't be arsed to revise, to be able to take an exam on Wednesday and I'm ???? I should have started revising on Friday because it's been 2 years since I last had to memorise something and it's a lot of knowledge (nervous system, nervous tissue, blood, muscle tissue).  
I honestly have no. idea. why I'm doing this to myself? 2 or 3 weeks ago I vomited due to stress for the first time in my life because I failed to prepare myself for tutorials.  
???????????????? Why ???????????????????????????  
I'm so self-defeating, so self-destructive.  
I am 24 and I dropped out of Psychology course after one (1) semester when I was 22 and it's taken me two years to decide to apply to university again (Bio sciences, this time, fucking congratulations, you absolute and utter idiot, good luck passing with acceptable grades when you can't do anything, couldn't pick something easier, nooo) during which I haven't worked and it's not because I was lazy, it's because I just ????  
I'm like a child, honestly. I just. I know what the consequences of my actions will be but... if I can't feel them right now, it means they are not real.