English is not my first language so excuse me if I make any mistakes.
This all is just back story to describe my situation 
So basically my mum has had rheumatism for almost 5 years now (diagnosed). Ever since then, for 5 whole years, every topic is about her sickness and in how much pain she is, how she wishes she could walk properly again (she had hip surgery 3 months ago and walks with crutches now).
My brothers come visit? friends come visit? she calls with some random ass person on the phone that has to build the new bed she ordered? Oh yeah I'm sick I have rheumatism. 
You see, I love my mum a lot. 
But I'm silently suffering since she's been getting mood switches for like 3 years now. 
Some days she's the old mum I used to know, ofc not always in a happy mood but always helpful and friendly. 
Then she suddenly gets the manipulative, almost abusive behavior. She's making my run errands and clean up our whole apartment, gets mad if I don't do it immediately. If I don't want to do anything, I get called lazy and she gets really really mad. Starts saying some mean ass things, knowing how emotional I get and how I hate fights. When I start getting louder, she suddenly asks me why I get so loud or tells me to shut the fuck up. 
Both of my brothers are already out of the house and have their own family, they don't know what I'm going thru. 
I'm dealing with depression and anxiety for a few years now and have had some second thoughts about live, sometimes even some really "bad" thoughts. 
I don't know how to deal anymore. 
My mum makes me so angry, so confused, I'm just so emotionally hurt. But I love her. She's my mum. 
My illness gets shoved aside, I rarely ever talk about it while it's always all about her. She expects me to hear her calling me from downstairs even tho I mostly have my headphones on. She makes a big deal about everything. 
She has ruined a lot of special moments for me because she gets those sudden mood switches. 
I'm so so angry but I cannot stand up for myself. 
I feel like I'm not respected enough. 
She gives me a lot of compliments, money, she gives me a lot. But she also gives so much hatred towards myself, I hate myself because of her. I sometimes wanna hate her but then I feel bad. 
I feel like crying all day. I just feel like I don't matter much anymore. I don't know what to do. 
Haven't gone to school in a month, sometimes can't go out of bed because the thought of waking up is too much. 
This has to be some sick joke. 
I don't know what I did to deserve a life like this.