Hi fellow anxious redditers
I graduated this summer (took me seven years and a therapist) and the day after my last exam at university I woke up with a huge depressive anxiety attack.  I couldn't even celebrate. Thought I was too late for starting my career and that I would have to put up with a long period of minimum wage jobs and annoying manipulative bosses. 

Months later fast forward to today, I'm at the same spot. I started exercising and dieting and feel amazing about finally treating my physical needs but guilt and anxiety about work life(finding a decent job, getting along with people, performing well) is growing so much that I keep waking up with a clenched jaw and sore teeth.

I know I don't like my profession but too scared to restart whole new educations and trainings. 

When I was in highschool I was deep in depression and hated my school and major(I was bullied and suffered deep loneliness at school) and one day my parents took me to an art school where I would still have 2 years to prepare for art university entrance exams. The school was a lovely place, sitting on top of a green hill. For the first time ever I saw a great opportunity and it felt like a cool breeze. Head teacher sat down with us and told me about their school and said she could set up an exam for me just to have an idea about my drawing skills. At that time I had no prior art education (but had a lot of passion and dreams). We agreed and set up a date. When that day came I suddenly became too scared, comparing myself with the students at art school and thought I could never catch up to them and worried I couldn't make a living by drawing stuff. I had to study something more boring and torturing If I wanted to make a living. I never took the exam. They got me signed up to languages major instead. My therapist told me last year that thinking about art school was a never ending black hole in which I'd constantly be drown and sucked away because I could never take back the time and take that exam. 

I never really let go of art related things. Make-up, nail art, hobbies, reading books about art etc. I don't know If I'm drifting away in the dangerous black whole my therapist warned about or if I'm genuinely interested in art.

Today, I'm quite frustrated with myself because I can't currently build myself the life that I want to live.
Still living off of pocket money unable to get myself anything nice. 

I'm crying as I'm typing this post and hoping maybe someone shares my worries...