It's probably dumb, and he's done plenty of things to indicate that he doesn't hate me, but I still feel like this. I had another episode a few days ago and basically rapid-fire texted him because I was having some stuff happen and subsequently a panic attack. I feel so dumb. I thought I was done doing stupid shit like that. I can't get this thought out of my head that all he's doing right now is sitting at home thinking "I hate this stupid bitch, why did I even bother to be there for her in the first place? She's so disgusting". I hate this. I'm so tired of all this fear. I'm so tired of being or feeling like a parasite to people.

I have to get video files of a sports activity from my FP tomorrow. I had to text him tonight to ask what format he decided to put them into and he still hasn't responded. IDK if he forgot that he said he'd try to do it this week or what. I texted him later the day I had the episode and asked if he was mad at me for the gigantic string of texts, he said no. That's all he said and I'm just worried and like I said, I feel like he hates me or is disgusted by my existence. Damn it, why do I feel so stupid and keep making mistakes??