Just like ... how do you deal? Seriously. 

So I got my diagnosis last year. It was one of those moments where it was just like .. well WOW my whole life now just makes so much sense. This is explains this and this explains that... and ohhh THATS what that big void inside me was ha. 

Anyway, this discovery of myself took me into a very reflective place where I really was trying to seek a lot of understanding and figuring out how to actively change things in order to help myself. 

So far so good. BUT ...

My mum. God I love her but I now see so clearly how actually messed up the relationship is .. and she just cannot see beyond herself and is so controlling over me, even now being an adult. I won’t go into full explanation, I’m sure many of you understand being the child of a narcissist parent but man oh man has she caused so much damage. I hate her for it but I can’t help still loving her! 

The problem is .. I still live with her. And I guess what I’m reaching out for here is HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS?! It’s almost like, now I know the truth kind of vibe. Every time she does something or says something now that I can see is so clearly dysfunctional and detrimental and unfair all I want to do is retaliate and tell her everything she’s done wrong and how she is a narcissist (of course she wouldn’t see that or accept that though lol). 

Instead I just take everything on the chin, and it hurts more now than it did before... because I see it so clearly. I’ve done very well at holding stuff together so far but I’m not sure how much longer.