I don’t exactly want to leave my boyfriend, who is 100% my FP. My very emotional stability is incredibly dependant upon him, and I recognize how out of control I am. I have zero boundaries with him, I’m certain he is well aware of that, and exploits that very fact. If I’m real even setting aside BPD, I still am convinced I’m a victim of constant narcissistic abuse. Now I haven’t been perfect in this relationship but were talking a consistent cycle of love bombing, gaslighting, lying, and I think it’s gone on so long I’m now a victim of a trauma bond.

Even setting aside that I have BPD, this is just a toxic relationship for anyone. I don’t think he’s capable of ever meeting my needs as a BPD.  even my more realistic ones he has proven to not care about. I really don’t think he cares about losing me, but I know if he were to leave me, I’d lose my shit. My relationship has to end at my own hand, because I will not be able to handle if he were the one to leave me... AGAIN. 

My question is to those of you who have been apart of a toxic relationship with their FP, how difficult was it to end, and how long did it take before you finally felt you had healed enough to say you moved on? 

I don’t wanna leave him... I really wanna blame all the red flags I see on the BPD, but even ‘normal people’ see the same red flags I do. I just am starting to feel as though, he won’t change.