All the time I think &amp; wish the worst things will happen to me. I want to be hurt, tortured, abused, bullied, hated, tortured. I want someone to kill me. I dont want to live. I dont deserve to be alive or to be happy. Just wish someone would hurt me. I deserve to die &amp; be killed &amp; tortued &amp; the worst things. I hate myself so much. I want to die so badly (I do but dont at the same time). I really dont deserve to live. Wish I could feel something. 

Not an edgy post. I am so depressed.