I've been nothing but a drag and dead weight to my wife for years. The meds helped for a while but it's becoming clear to me each day now that I'm not gonna get any better. She's finally started nursing school, meanwhile I'm still working a job that's now barely above minimum wage and doing it terribly it at that. I do nothing of worth to help with our house. No one at work likes me, I have no friends and I've slowly isolated myself from my family over the years. I've failed out of college twice and I'm too afraid, too poor, and too unmotivated to go back soon enough to be of any use to our marriage. The porn addicition has hurt our relationship to the breaking point, she'd be undoubtly be better off without me in the big picture. I'm too much of a coward to outright kill myself, I'd rather just make everyone hate me so then I'd have nothing left but suffering. I'll be homeless but I won't kill myself, I deserved to be punished for my laziness, selfiness, addiction and failure to be a useful member of society.

Just another Thurday.