I feel like it's a secret I'm not privy to. I've had a few somewhat supportive people in my life, but no one that really understood.

I try so hard to connect to others, but nobody ever taught me how - I even feel uncomfortable asking people out to lunch. I wish I had at least one close person in my life that wouldn't assume I'm okay and would actually ask, and push when I give an obviously dishonest answer. 

I've tried joining groups but they're too big so feeling forgotten and rejected is par the course, triggering dissociation and splitting. I've been thinking about trying to find or create a very small support group, trying to find people to talk to that understand the extremes. I fantasize about this, it feels sad actually.