22F here. I can’t keep people around. I let go of an amazing guy because I was bored and wanted something more exciting. I am a toxic person. Now that I feel alone I want him back more than ever and he’s with another girl. I always do this. I’ll be infatuated with him and talk to him for two weeks and then I’ll feel intense anxiety about ever being with him. Then I’m alone and have no one. I let go of someone that loved me because I don’t know how to love. I can’t seem to get off the fence and choose to be with someone, I always think the grass is greener. I’d love if I could just feel happy alone but now that he’s gone I can’t stop thinking about him and I’m making a fool of myself. I hate myself for what I’ve done to him. On and off all the time and he’s just waiting for me to turn on again. I want to just appreciate his love for me and feel love for him all the time, but sometimes, I wonder if I can even love.