Multiple people have told me (not on this subreddit btw) I’m young and I shouldn’t rush to get better. That most people don’t recover/go in remission at my age anyways, and I’ll be fine in 10 years. I know these people meant well, and to be kind to myself, but I let it discourage me; I didn’t want to be a toxic person for another decade.

I am 22, coming up on 23. My symptoms of PTSD and BPD kicked off full force after leaving my abusive ex 2 years ago. Back then, despite my former therapist warning me, I was completely unaware of how my behaviors were erratic and hurting those I love. Eventually I got in a new relationship, and it took 6 months of me ruining my boyfriend’s life to realize I need to actively get myself together.

This realization was a bit over a year ago. I no longer self-harm or rely on substances to cope. For the most part, I’m able to *not* act on my jealousy and insecurity if my boyfriend is out with his friends/talks to his female friends. I can trust that he still loves me even when he doesn’t constantly tell me so. I can go a few days without talking to him without losing my shit. The temptations and emotions are there pretty constantly, and there are occasional slip ups, but it feels more natural now to talk myself out of it than acting on it. It might not be much, but I honestly couldn’t imagine doing any of this a year ago.

I’d like to think I’m half way there to being a... decently functioning? relationship partner. I still have to work on dissociation, letting my emotions take over logic, “time-traveling”, and lashing out (having episodes), etc... But I honestly think I’ve got this.

I’m going to get better.