I started talking to my FP in May. 
We met through Facebook groups.

I hate having bpd. I can't like someone and keep it casual. I have to make it weird and fall so hard and so fast. 

Lately , as in the last week, they've either been busy or getting tired of me. They haven't been replying to messages or calling me as much. Last I checked I had triple texted him and I'm trying to resist the urge to make it a quadruple text

I've never met them. I may never get the chance to do so 

And yet I feel so high when I get their undivided attention, even if it is only for an hour's phone call. I spend hours pouring over their and their family members social media accounts, trying to learn as much about them as possible. I'm completely convinced I would be happy and satiated if we could just spend some time alone together. 

And the lows....they are low. Smoking or drinking every night to numb the pain of yearning for their attention when they aren't around. Feeling suicidal when I'm left on read or think about the entire situation too deeply. All this over someone **I've never met before**.

The way I can best put having a FP is fantasizing and wishing you could give up your life for them. It's a feeling that consumes you

I feel as though my happiness / stability ALWAYS hinges on how my FP is being towards me.

Anyone relate?