I'm a 26 year old man, I work as a pharmaceutical scientist. I live alone Monday-Friday in a building that doesn't allow pets and I spend most weekends at my parents house bc they're in very poor health and they own a small farm so I do what I can with that and to look after themselves.

 I'm lucky enough to have two good friends that I see maybe once a week in person and then 3 or 4 more that I keep up with sporadically mostly via social media. I have 5 sisters and one brother but I don't get along that well with them. 

I have fairly severe mental health problems including BPD and CPTSD, which manifests as depression, anxiety and loss of emotional stability and impulse control. I've had one "relationship" several years ago but I've never met another person who was romantically interested in me. I'm built like a tank but I'm very overweight and awkward looking and I have extremely low (accurate) self esteem as a result.

 Most people generally seem to like me well enough platonically once they get to know me. I'm told I can be funny , generous and kind with a high level of empathy and emotional intelligence. I know that it can be very difficult to be around me as I'm suicidally depressed most of the time. 

I know that I'm materially very fortunate to have my own place, plenty of food and clean water and some friends. But my life feels so empty and unfulfilling that I can't bear it most of the time. The loneliness and emptiness are slowly killing me. Even my two best friends, whom I love like brothers, are bpth in relationships so I can see, slowly but surely, and quite naturally, our friendship will fade as thry get on with their lives, marriage and children. My parents will pass away as well and I'm terrified that after that I will be truly alone, with nothing to show for my life. I cry myself to sleep sometimes thinking about it. 


Does anyone have any advice, maybe about psychiatric drugs, that would make this more bearable? I've given up on trying to change any of it as I think my time of development is passed, but maybe with some chemical interventiom I can keep going at least until my parents pass away. Thank you for any and all advice you have to give.