I had my work picnic at an amusement park this past weekend and of course I got sick shortly after (I get sick extremely easily). Thought nothing of it since I am vaccinated. My boyfriend noticed he was getting sick and got tested, sure enough he is positive for covid. As the night progressed I started to process I wouldn't be able to see him even though I have much more sever symptoms than he does. It just hit me that my son who is supposed to be with me this weekend (me and his dad co-pardnt). I am a mess because even if I am negative I won't know until after this weekend and I will not be able to see my son for at least two weeks. And same goes for my boyfriend. I will be alone for two weeks in my own head. 
I have not acted in self harm since May 2020 when I had my suicide attempt. I have been on a very VERY good track. But tonight the flood gates opened all those intense feelings of loneliness and longing for my son just is overwhelming me. The way I feel is just as intense as before. I don't want to act on this urge but how. I know this is a rather emotional post but I knew this is better than acting on it. I keep telling my self to ride the wave but I know how much relief I will get if I self harm. My main coping skill right now is running but I can't since I am so sick. I have no idea where to run to right now. I feel like I can't talk to my boyfriend about it because his hands are tied and he hates hearing about my dark thoughts. I'm not sure where to turn.