Its hard to explain but sometimes when i see something "cute" (a nice puppy in the street, a sweet girl eating (yea it sounds creepy) etc) or someone being nice with me (mostly my mother) i start feel everything for some minutes.
For example last time (10minutes ago) first i started feel the normal thing ("it's so cute") then i get incredibly angry and want to destroy/murder that thing/human and watch it suffer, after i start feel shame and want to kill myself and i wanna cry. Then i want to be happy and loved and want a hug but because i know thats not so easy i want to cry and die again.
It only takes 1-2 minutes but its like a fuckin roller coaster. The worst thing is i feel extreme "thing" (idk what is this) in my chest/stomach, like someone put some hard thing on it or idk what but not so good.
