I used to be so much more active and productive, but my depression has a death grip on me. I quit my job, sold my vehicle (wasn't a safe car), and now I've put the burden of rent on my partner. I feel so shitty for that. I mean, who does that to the person they love?

I spend a majority of my days sobbing or sleeping. I fucked up my routine and went off my meds. This is no ones fault but my own. I don't eat or drink most days and my weight is dropping by the day. I feel immense shame and guilt. I want to be better, I really do, but it feels like everytime I take one step forward, I take two steps back. 

I need to go to therapy. I know I need to. If I'm not going to do better for myself, I atleast need to do it for the person I made a commitment to. This isn't fair to them.  

I have no clue how to get better. But I figured I could start by taking my medicine and vitamins again, and maybe doing a load of laundry to atleast get out of bed. 

This whole situation has put a strain on my relationships with others. My lack of self love is hurting others, and that's the last thing I ever wanted to do. I don't know if life gets better. I don't know how I'll be able to form a new perspective on life now that I've hit the rocks. But if doesn't seem like I have much of a choice. 

Sorry for the rambling, I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm struggling, and most people just call me "lazy", but they don't know the things I'm truly dealing with.