For reasons BPDers will understand, I am filled with jealousy, paranoia, sadness, abandonment, etc tonight as my LDR partner is having a small NYE gathering. I just visited my partner recently and they were so unkempt in their appearance while I looked nice at least half the time. Tonight, however, they are just ✨stunning✨. The distance is semi far but I'm even more upset that I wasn't invited, and other people from FURTHER are attending. I'm already coming up with all the cheating scenarios, the NYE kiss I'm not getting.

Anyways: am I fucked up if I disappear for the night/tomorrow in a shady kind of way? Like when they try to text or call just being shady asf so it seems like I had something going on? I feel like if I go into it having a plan to ignore them, I might be able to find other activities to do, rather than stay glued to IG stories or be the doormat I am and text them when they're busy. 

Pls help 😢