I’m the reserved type of BPD. Always preferred to isolate myself to deal with my inconstitent/insecure/non-existent personality. Never dated until I was 22, a year ago. Had a fling somehow, ended poorly. Now I get lonely, which I didn’t before.

But I can’t cope with how difficult it is to meet and talk with someone. It brings out all my insecurity and hostility in full force. I can’t stand the feeling when someone goes cold on me for no reason. I want to scream and ask why they don’t like me anymore. I repress my urge to be clingy and constantly be talking to them, but it still happens. So I just act more distant to deal with it. And I get nowhere.

Can anyone else relate? How can I cope with this? I can’t handle carrying the relationship and starting conversations only to be left on read. I just want to be loved...