This is my first time here. Hi. I have a really hard time accepting that I have anxiety. I still feel iffy saying to myself that I have anxiety, what if I don't have anxiety and I just need to work on myself and be better? What if what I'm feeling is not that bad, and I'm just awful at handling my emotions? I don't know. Then there are other days, like today, I wonder if I do just have anxiety.

And if I really do, I have no idea what to do. Where to start? Like, is knowing that I have anxiety going to change anything for me other than just holding the knowledge that I have it?

I am always so worried about everything going wrong. Always. I'm always worried I'm also not doing enough. I'm always worried about other people's actions because I'm worried about being hurt or seen in a negative light, not because I dont trust them. I think this is also a huge thing to me, I dont know how to tell my loved ones that I fully trust them I just overthink and I need time to realize I'm overthinking or just need reassurance with word. And is that a horrible thing? That I need verbal reassurance sometimes? Am I a burden on those close to me? 

I sometimes also worry that focusing on the bad things that could happen in the future, could ruin what I have in the present. Thing is about me, I am very vocal about what I feel... I fear this could also be annoying to people I'm with (romantically).

I'm sorry, I don't even know if what I'm saying makes sense, I'm just typing out my thoughts word by word.