I don´t miss him. Seriously, I don´t.

I´m way past the splitting, and 100% convinced we are not good for eachother. I look at his photo and wonder how was I ever into a guy like that -totally not my type! There not a single "good" memory of him in my mind, and I´m no longer turned on by the thought of him. I´ve discovered I am happier without him, better since we parted, and yet...

I feel the urge to text him.

Just to know if he is doing fine.  
Just to know if he misses me.  
Just to know if he has blocked me.  
Just to know if he is still... there.

And I feel terrible -just TERRIBLE- because this is just so selfish of me: longing for his attention just so I can feel "good" with myself. 

Truth be told, the only thing stopping me from texting him is reading the testimonies of exes on r/BDPLovedOnes and knowing I don´t want to make him suffer anymore -I don´t want to keep feeling like a monster.

Because I don´t miss him... yet, I hope he´s missing me.