I wrote on Reddit as a reach for help, a way to get my emotional pain off my chest. I ended up going to a partial hospitalization program for depression. I was extremely depressed and suicidal (did not tell them because I didn’t want to be sent to the hospital). There I talked with others, created relationships, and upped my medication. I was journaling and thinking differently about my life. I started to feel good . . .
Then I crashed. My medication stopped working in two weeks and i was left with no support and feeling stress from the rehab program (insurance issues). I was back in my darkness and suicidal thoughts. I started thinking that my boyfriend, my reason for living, would be better off without me. It got so bad even my parents noticed and my dad called concerned. I knew I just had to hold off until my doctors appointment.
Finally I saw my GP and he approved using Abilify to treat my depression. Abilify is an antipsychotic and I felt so awful about taking them. This is not a strike to others that use Abilify, I just didn’t want to admit that my depression was that bad and my nihilism. So I took my pills and here I am today.
I am more energetic and able to complete tasks but my depression still lingers. Ever so often I get instructive SH thoughts and spiral. But its not as often or bad as it was before. I feel like I will always have to push my self out of my depression but at least now I am able to attend class. 
I guess I am better. And im glad i didnt loss it during that time and ended up at the hospital. Recovery is possible, and I know everyone can get there. Wish y’all the best!