Anyone who has ever played video games with ‘rare’ loot drops that you farm over and over mostly just out of routine - you’ll understand this I think.

My days have been gradually getting worse and worse recently…

But today, I was going through my routine again to grind / farm a particular item and much to my surprise I actually got it (after several dozen attempts, possibly in excess of 100). Keep in mind I can only really try ~3-5 times per week.

This thing is super cool to get and hunted for by many players in the game I play. But when I got it… I wasn’t ecstatic, or happy or anything. I wasn’t even sad. I was just aware that something good happened, that I should be happy, and that I wasn’t.

Today was a pretty bad day and even a pick-me-up like this didn’t change anything. I’m not looking forward to Christmas.