i'm not asking for a diagnosis, i'll see a therapist about this sometime, i just need to vent, but going off the idea that i am indeed suffering from BPD as i suspect...

i've been in a long distance relationship with a guy for 7 months and i really do love him! we plan to meet hopefully this summer and stuff and all is usually healthy and well and good. however, my symptoms have been increasingly getting worse :/ the most minor of things cause me to become extremely paranoid that he will leave me for a variety of reasons and my brain comes up with so many elaborate different scenarios that might happen out of nowhere and i become extremely depressed or angry, both at myself and at him, even if he didn't do anything?

so for some background, he's bipolar 2, so his condition and the meds he takes blunts his emotions and makes him seem disinterested sometimes, which is a major clash with my need for intimacy and fear of abandonment, and i'm not sure how to work that out with him because neither of us can help it.. some people might suggest that the relationship would never work and i should look for a better partner or something, but that's out of the question, i love him regardless (except for when i 'hate' him during my episodes lol).  i've been in a bad episode recently because him and his ex have become friends again. his ex is a guy, my bf is bisexual, as am i, though i'm the first girl he's ever been with, so i have extreme paranoia about the idea of him leaving me for a guy out of boredom or him deciding he doesn't want to be with a girl anymore and other things along those lines. when him and his ex started talking again, he told me about it and he said nothing would happen between them and he wouldn't go back to him or anything but my brain just constantly doubts that and i get extremely angry at him for it even though it hasn't even happened? he told me a few times that he was gonna watch a movie with a friend and yesterday i found out that "friend" was his ex and rationally i know that doesn't necessarily mean there's anything between them, they're movie nerds and so am i, but the only person he watches movies with individually outside of group watches that isn't irl friends (his ex was a ldr as well) is me, but i can't shake the idea that there is something more between them again and he's cheating on me and he's gonna leave me for his ex and i feel embarrassed to even discuss this with him cus it sounds so pathetic and stupid and clingy but i can't help it and i can't get the thoughts out of my head :/ i don't know where my distrust and paranoia and anxiety is stemming from, but it seems those are symptoms of BPD, so i don't know what else it could be. anyone been through something similar and have any advice on how to mend/deal with this?