I don't really do this to anyone else. I'm pretty cynical, so I do a fair amount of devaluing of others (if I'm honest), but there's no idealization phase with that. With myself, it's different. I either feel like I am invincible and perfect, or I feel like utter shit. I find that this tendency has really come to the forefront with the current therapist. She says things that trigger me, and it's like I become psychotic or delusional or something. I say the most ridiculous things and contradict myself. I know I'm doing it, but in the moment, I feel like I am right somehow.

For example, I hate when the therapist says I have been abused. The psychotic, delusional Susannah gets angry and not only denies the abuse, but says ridiculous things like nothing bad has ever happened in my life. This after a session where I have admitted to the therapist things that are definitely abuse. I don't understand myself at all. When I'm like this, I also sometimes do really bad things. But again, I think that I am perfect, a "normal person," and I even remember saying that I thought that whatever I said was true just because I said it! I mean, wtf? 

Then sometimes, something happens that sends my personal estimation of my own value plummeting from invaluable to worthless. For example, in therapy, sometimes the therapist will call me out on my bizarre shenanigans and confront me about things I have said in the past. For example, I'll proclaim that I've never been abused in my life, and she'll enumerate the things I've told her that were abuse. I usually double down on whatever ridiculous argument I'm making, but eventually I crash and it isn't pretty. I then feel completely worthless and like the biggest loser ever. I can't really give further details of that part, because it's hard when I'm in it.

Anyway, I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else feels like either a million bucks or completely worthless. There doesn't seem to be an in between for me.