since I moved to a big city, I've been to couple parties, and it is over half a year since I just simply can't feel the vibe with anyone.
I simply freeze and somehow do not feel the 'need' to interact w the ppl. They always put on loud german gansta music and sing to it, and i didn't grew up in the same country as they did, and did not listen to the same kind of music. I've lost interest and grew apathic. Yet I still want to party and i wish to feel the vibe, but i don't. I do not  necesarily become anxious, but i fall into a circle of thoughts such as "I'm too different, I'll die a bitter person if I reject to have fun on life, I'll die alone with this attitude."

For context: I'm somewhat popular and liked, but (especially bcs of covid) spend most of my days by myself, writing my book. I've started writing way before I moved to a big city. Before I moved to a big city, ever since I've moved to the country, I've spent years very, very alone. I don't mean to selfpity by any means, it just could lead to how I split from most people. Also, since I still spend majority of my time alone, I'm stuck in my routine, which kills my freshment of mind. When I am alone, most of the time I suffer of fears tho whole day long. I work out and work on my book most of the time, but the fears are beyond my control. I am scared that i may turn insane from this isolation, that i would lose all my opportunities to socialize back into a normal life after covid. I sometimes have silent panick attacks too.

Any idea of what it could be?