Hi, I’m looking for help. I’m 17yrs old (male) and I feel depressed and burned out, I don’t desire anything and nothing material could possibly bring me happiness. But in the past I had "hope", I didn’t really feel sadness and could genuinely enjoy things like when I used to go outside with friends. The last 4 months or so my "friends" don’t invite me over anywhere but they post pictures about their fun time on ig and it just keeps getting worse and worse. I don’t understand why because I’m a genuinely nice person that you can tell everything, I always try to be a nice person and people that are closer to me like family say i have the purest and most golden heart on earth and it isn’t because they’re family. I always try to make the atmosphere more fun but not in an annoying way I’m really introverted so it isn’t anything crazy I can’t even recall doing something upsetting or something that could be offending. The main problem is that this feeling of sadness has been torturing me for a longer time. As I already mentioned I’m really introverted and I don’t open up to ANYONE, not even my family which means that I don’t talk about my problems or feelings with anyone, I just stuff them somewhere inside me and just let them be there, and I think it has reached a level where it just drains my life energy. That leads to me not wanting to let go of those friends because I know if I leave them, I’ll never find new friends ever again. I’ve googled solutions to this/googled peoples experiences and nothing really matches what I’m going through right now. What i mean by nothing is fun anymore is exactly what it sounds like. When i come home from school I just sit there and do nothing, I just sit there and wait until the day is over. Even my old hobbies aren’t fun anymore I tried swimming, drawing and video games. All aren’t fun anymore. Even if I play games with my friends I just sit there not talking much, not laughing. I just want to kill time on weekends so i usually watch tv or listen to music. Music is actually the only thing that keeps me going. I want to be a rapper (no not an emo rapper more of an old school Big L/MF DOOM type) and I’m really good at even though I’m white and everytime I showed someone my lyrics they were really impressed. I still believe in that dream more than anything but the last couple of months the dream keeps dying and it’s not fun anymore. To return to my friends, I can’t explain why they’re doing this. I’m not a fan of drugs but my friends go drinking on weekends and rarely smoke "the plant" and when i ask them about it because i care for their health like a good friend should they try to avoid that conversation. I’ve always been caring more about animals and other people way more than myself but they don’t want to talk about it. I never had suicidal thoughts or didn’t hurt myself but i was asking myself what the world would be like without me. I never could kill myself, just thinking about my parents hurts me to the point where i would never do it. Even if I opened up to my friends i don’t think they would take it seriously because in the past we were making fun of depression and saying things like "how could someone have that" ( I never made fun of depressed people though ). I literally cannot tell my parents. Not because they wouldn’t like me anymore or some other bullshit reason but because if I did, I don’t know if they would handle it well meaning that i can’t imagine their sadness. It’s worth mentioning I have very very loving parents that would most definitely do everything in their power to help me. As already said I’m very introverted so my subconciousness would tell a therapist nothing but lies. I’m very good at hiding my feelings so i always put up a fake smile so that other people don’t have to worry about me even when I feel horrible. Because of my introvercy I can’t get a girlfriend, I nearly explode when talking to girls and try to avoid contact with strangers at all cost (with friends that mostly disappears though) and I think even if I had one she’d leave me after a while because of my (maybe) depression. It also takes a veery long time for me to trust someone and to get to know someone so it’s just not possible to get new friends or a gf. To conclude this I don’t know what I should do because in every direction I take there’s always a problem which almost always is myself. Nothing just is fun anymore and I’m bored and sad literally 24/7. I just had to open up a little and post this here. Sorry it’s that long but if someone takes the time to read all this and helps me out it would be appreciated more than anything. Thank you and have a great day.