Guys! I have awesome fucking news. I feel happy, but I can recognize when it's manic happiness, but right now it's not. This is real, true happiness - the thing that I'm feeling right now.  

Talked to my psychiatrist today and we had an awesome conversation. She made me feel validated, like my illness is real (since we all have that doubt: are we faking it ?) and we analyzed my whole life today, talking about every aspect of it.  

Feeling happy because of that is still sick, but I haven't felt a damn thing for a year. And it all began with happiness... Ah, what a great way to have them back.  

She told me that I really am recovering. In the past few months, I've been successfully controlling my impulses. I still have no idea who I am and there's still A LOT, like a lot to work on when it comes to my personality, but damn feelings... feel so good, lol ?  

I am happy. Even if it's not long-lasting, that's what our life is about - a rollercoaster, but that's also beautiful. It's beautiful, because we experience various things, good or bad, which makes us stronger. I myself became stronger when it comes to stressful situations in life and I'm only 19. Through all these years of BPD, I've learned how to cope.  

This is **definitely** not the end of my road, but this is one of those small successes that are helping us to continue going and keep us alive.  

I always say: *"Once you see the sun, it's hard to give up".*  

Thank you everyone for being here for me in my worst moments and I wish you could feel like me one day, even for a tiny bit, because we are strong and we can survive this stupid disorder. And surviving it is the key, right ? Take care everyone <3