I don’t feel close to anyone in my life at the moment. Not even my therapist. I feel like I don’t have that someone who I completely trust to stay by my side always. Or to be very comfortable telling them about my feelings and thoughts without any judgment or unsolicited advice. Or someone to hang out with all the time and not feel drained after. I don’t have that. I feel like a curled up ball of shame all the time. I want to jump out of my own skin the moment I feel someone’s gaze on me. Or simply when they’re around me. I know it’s just my brain but I feel like they’re judging me or dreading my existence. Is it because I feel that toward others sometimes? Maybe. And I know I’m part of the problem too because I don’t keep my contact with others consistent and I tend to ghost a lot, but it’s cuz I don’t feel like it’s a genuine, meaningful interaction and just one that expends my energy for nothing. Feels unnatural.