I got diagnosed this week. I know something was not right and I know it was either bipolar or bpd.

(It developed from young age SA, if It's important to know or means something)

I'm still very young and just started highschool, but luckily I get continuous help from my therapy! But yet, I still feel It's not enough. My sister is a bad influence for me, my friends doesn't care about me and my parents don't understand it. (they also don't want to give me medication, because of my young age) And I can't express myself.

I don't know what to do or how to cope. Everytime I have a manic episode, right after it I regret everything. 

I learned how to mask, without knowing. I know that It's unhealty to mask, but I need to. People around me just get mad and shut me up or say horrible things. So whenever I have a depressive or manic episode I try to hide from others and push away everyone. I wish they would understand.

I'm a teenager, so ofc I started fall in love with someone, but from a day to an other, I just start to hate them for no reason. I feel horrible whenever I have a negative tougth of someone. I feel unreal and can't recognize myself.

I don't know what to do, that's why I'm asking for help. I can't get medication so I just try to calm myself with comfort thing, but It's hard with knowing I'm gonna be like this in my entire life. 

(I'm sorry for the poor English and the weird wording. I'm new to this app and community.)