I went to therapy, I paid them money, they said they would need a few more sessions to properly help me but I went to them as my last resort.  They were my last hope, It was so hard to make the appointment in the first place and I need to keep going and paying.  its 1 appointment per month wait where I am, I genuinely cant stomach myself much longer.  I know so many ways I can kill myself and no ways i can stop myself.  I am so angry all the time, everything I used to enjoy I hate.  It was so hard to reach out and it did nothing.  Everyone always acts like therapy is the cure all, that that is all I needed to do.  Its not my fault I am this way, I think I was just destined to kill myself, I was raised by a pedophile who liked beatings and lived up until my late teens in poverty.  But nobody understands.  I don't have happy memories or friends to tie me over, I cant wait for my next appointment.  And it will only take me a few minuets walk down to the train tracks to end it all.