Well... I'll leave the rant bellow because I'm kinda in control of this whole episode. I think. 

I moved 1000 miles away last year leaving everyone behind. I haven't been able to visit in months and I'm finally going this weekend. But I'll only be able to be there Friday night. Most of my friends have plans or are busy and I'm feeling ignored somehow. Specially because a lot of people in that group of friends are making a web news portal together. Nobody mentioned anything to me. And I eventually found out because I was invited to the launch event, even thou I'm not even living there anymore. There's a mix of jealously for not having that kind of accomplishment. Anger, for not being invited to participate. And resentment, for not even knowing what was going on. I'm realizing that most of those people are unable to maintain a relationship via social media at all and I'm coming to the horrible conclusion that friends are more the people near you who you share interests that people you manage to connect. 

I tried to keep in touch with some people but it just doesn't happen. Very few are the ones that I actually talk, and still... meh. 

I feel like a monster for having all these horrible feelings.

And just for the sake of ranting. Let's rant. Fuck everything. I haven't been able to keep my eating habits, which means I'm still fat and I'm having loads of trouble losing weight. My drive to exercise is so fucked up that I can barely wake up on time for work recently. Plus I've been having constant nightmares. The other day I dreamt that I was in a haunted hotel with my sister and today I dreamt that I accidentally shaved all my beard. 

I'm about to get a massive cut in my salary since the economy is going belly up here in Brazil. My boss managed to trigger me yesterday by being a douche. It's been one year since I moved and I still feel that I have little friends. Probably the only person I did manage to have a friendship is actually moving by the end of the next month. 

Meaning I feel completely alone most of the time. 

My family can't ever visit me because money. I'm also going in debt just because I can't control my finances. I just been hating everything recently. 