tw: suicidal thoughts

i (16 and diagnosed with bipolar) went to the seaside with my parents. i was okay the first two days. then it all started again. a depressive episode. i haven’t left the hotel in three days. i haven’t showered either. i’m crying all the time. i can’t force myself to do anything. my sister is bringing me food water and medicine that i force myself to eat. now my mom was begging me to go outside. i kept crying and said that i really can’t. my mom almost cried too and she said that if not the money they spent on this vacation, she would drive me home right away. i’m ruining everything again. i got out of psych ward less than a month ago. everyone expected me to get better but im not. i’m suicidal again. i’m hopeless. i’m tired. 
i’m sorry to my family that they have to live with such a burden of a person.