On March 29th 2021, I woke up at 1AM by what felt like either someone punched me in the stomach or I was choking. My heart rate was up and I was hyperventilating, thinking that I was experiencing a heart attack. I rushed to the bathroom to try to calm down and decided to google my symptoms. Worst thing to do. I was convinced it was a heart attack and rushed to the hospital. Doctors tell me I was having a heart attack. 

A little background on what I believe led to my panic attack: 

- I was prescribed trazadone in October of tbe previous year due to insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking of work. It helped tremendously. 

- I was under intense stress at work with 2 projects due by the end of March. One which I finished on the same day of my panic attack, which made me feel super alleviated. It confuses me thinking that this might have contributed to my panic attack. I do recall that my stress levels would get so bad that my eyesight would get blurry and I would feel dizzy sometimes. I would stop doing my work and go outside for a breather. 

- I was closing on a home at the end of the month. I was worried about losing my job and not being able to close on the home. 

- Found out we were having a kid a week or two before. 

- Tried an edible for the first time 2 weeks prior. Worst experience ever. Convinced I was dying. I felt fine the day after but I do recall memories from hat experience during my panic attack. 

After my panic attack, I was in the process of moving the next three days. I was terrified of sleeping, thinking it would occur again. I was afraid of being a couch potato so I would force myself to get up and get on with the move. I called in for work because I felt like I wasn't going to be productive in the mental state I was in. Tunnel vision. Foggy mind. Feeling anxious or I guess the adrenaline you produce from your Sympathatic Nervous System. 
The fogginess and tunnel vision went away after the 3 days but the high alert feeling wouldn't go away. 

I was prescribed hydroxyzine and it made me feel worse. The feeling of being forced to slow down made me even more anxious. I was later then prescribed with buspirone. It helped during the day, but at night I was restless. It would keep me awake and sometimes cause anxiety. I continued for 2 weeks and one day I woke up, feeling normal... I was shocked and decided to stop taking it. But after a day or two, my anxiety or i would say HEALTH anxiety came back. 

During this whole ordeal, I was worried about my health. My stomach hurt that night I had my panic attack so I convinced myself that I had an intestinal issue. I had symptoms of heart burn, loose stools, acid reflux, knot in throat, and excess salivation. 

Doctor prescribed me omeprazole 40mg because 20mg was doing nothing. It helped kinda but I would still get acid reflux here and there if I didn't watch what I eat. Keep in mind, I rarely eat fast food or drink soda. Usually cooked at home and exercised 3 or 4 times a week. Weight lifting wise. I decided to get an endoscopy and they found nothing. I stopped taking the omeprazole and i was fine for 3 weeks. I eased back into my normal diet during those 3 weeks. I went on a trip for a week and ate like shit and my stomach symptoms came back. I was feeling anxious throughout my whole trip, always convinced that I had health issues when I felt bodily sensations such as head pulsation, aching, tingling, etc. 

After my trip, I decided to see a counselor. I shared my experienced and he helped with my negative thoughts when I would feel physical symptoms. He wants to dig deeper thinking that a childhood trauma or other experience is what caused my panic attack but I'm pretty sure it was my work and life events I had going on. 

So that's where I'm at now and need some help or advise or if you guys/gals can provide your experience to help with my though process. 

- I still think something is wrong with my health. I'm so convinced of it and even got on omeprazole again because of my stomach symptoms. 

- I keep myself so busy after work because if I slow down, I think I'm gonna die. When I relax, I think I'm gonna die. I also think that I must do as much as a can because I will die soon. 

- When I go about my die, I'll think about how something can randomly happen that can kill me in the spot. 

- When I do meaningful activities, I keep thinking in the back of my head that I better enjoy the moment because I will die soon thinking I won't experience the event again or think I won't see my loved ones I'm with again. 

- I'm not religious so it's hard for my to lean into that to alleviated the anxiety of health and ultimately death. I start to get so scared when I think about death even though i know its inevitable. 

- I started doing 30 min cardiovascular activies and sometimes meditation. I struggle with meditation because I get an insane amount of mind chatter. It's worst when i sleep so I decided to get on trazadone again and it helps. 
- I remember my dreams alot and I sometimes confuse them with reality and it makes me super anxious because I think I'm going crazy or losing my mind. 

- I can do my normal activities no problem but I'm in a state where I'm overly alert on my body and always feeling anxious that I am sick and will die soon. 

- I usually get a song stuck in my head in a loop and it overwhelms me sometimes. 

- Some days I feel so overwhelmed and tired of feeling this way that I start to get depressed. I get so impatient and feel like I will never be my normal self again. I have a hard time accept anxiety and even the thought that I will deal with this forever. I have a bad habit of fighting it while I sleep because that's when I had my panic attack and that's when I'm thinking the most. 



Thank you for reading some or all of that. I'm open to an questions and suggestions.