I have had anxiety for the last 4-5 years at this point. In between of all this I also had a weird flair of depression. Nothing seems to help. I tried out free therapy that my college provides; the therapist was judging the entire time. When I told her about my sleeping pattern being weird she suggested I try to tire myself. I’m tired of explaining to people that just being tired doesn’t help me sleep and it doesn’t stop my thoughts.

I told her that I’ve trouble with uncertainty and she just told me that things can’t always be certain. I ALREADY KNOW THAT. I am not an illogical person, my brain is just very one-track. If there’s 2% possibility of it happening my brain will obsess over it and I can’t help that anymore. I started with social anxiety and discomfort in my body, it has now increased and I am anxious about death, dying and everything constantly. 

Therapy before and now has not worked as much and I would blame myself but I can’t and I won’t. It’s not my fault. You can’t simply talk to me and assume that I will suddenly change the way I think; believe me I wish more than anyone else that I could do that. 

At this point, my anxiety is me. It’s such a big part of my personality and it’s been here for so long that I cannot separate the two. 

If I reach my worrying stage, no matter what you say I cannot stop. My brain thinks of every contingent situation, it thinks of every possible way I could die, every way I could try to avoid it and what not. 

It’s not easy, and it’s very crippling.