Question is at the bottom.

I always see so many people who have BPD say that people with BPD aren't actually abusive and aren't manipulative on purpose and that we aren't as bad as people make us out to be.

I'm not saying that they're wrong, and maybe I'm just that one exception, but I fit the BPD stereotype perfectly. I'm manipulative on purpose, I'm physically and mentally abusive, I either hate people/things or absolutely love them, I self-harm, I've been dropped by 10+ therapists because I was too much for them to handle, and I am deathly afraid of the people in my life leaving me.

I feel awful for being that way but I also don't because there's a huge part of it that's out of my control. I feel like two different people but I'm still the same person. Not only do I either hate or love a person, but it's also that way with things like food and sports. One hour I'll love it and the next I'll despise it. I've been called a liar and a hypocrite many times because of this but I genuinely love or hate it in that moment. I don't want to physically or emotionally abuse people but when I get into that mental state all I want to do is hurt them. This other side of me goes against my morals completely but in that moment it doesn't matter. Instead of being kind when I'm afraid someone will leave I just lash out at them and accuse them of things they never did. 

I completely fit the stereotype but it feels like no one else does. I haven't met a single person with BPD who doesn't deny that they meet the extreme stereotype. Ever since I was diagnosed I've felt even worse because I feel like a genuinely awful person compared to others who have this disorder. 

Sorry for the long rant. I'm really curious if anyone else here thinks they fit the stereotype too.