In 2019, when I was 15 years old, I found out that I’m severely allergic to cashew nuts. I sat in the car with my cousin and a few other people. My cousin was eating cashew nuts and asked me and my friend if we wanted some, and I said yes, as I didn’t know that I was allergic to them.

Almost immediately after eating it, my whole mouth started to itch, so I tried to spit it out, but I had already swallowed most of it. I got a little concerned, but I didn’t tell the other people because I didn’t understand how serious it was, and I thought that the itching would go away soon. But it only got worse.

When I got home, my lips swelled. That’s when I realize something’s seriously wrong. My mom asked me what had happened to my lips, but I just brushed it off and said it’s nothing, although I was freaking out inside. I start googling my symptoms, and my anxiety only gets worse and worse. Eventually, my eyes started to swell too. I remember that I got so scared that I started to cry in my mom’s arms. She was obviously also really concerned as the swelling wouldn’t go down, so she decided to call an ambulance. I felt like I was going to die. It’s so hard to describe what it felt like, but it’s the most traumatic experience I’ve ever had, and it changed my life.

After this happened, I started to struggle with eating, and I’ve become very skinny, maybe a little too skinny. I never eat chocolate, chips, almost any type of candy, ice cream, cakes, etc anymore in fear of anaphylaxis. I also hate eating at restaurants because I NEED to be 100% sure that there aren’t nuts in my food, or else I just can’t eat it. Even though I check the ingredients many times before ordering, I’m always terrified that they accidentally put nuts in the food. I know it sounds dumb, lol.

I freak out every time people eat nuts around me. When people in my class were eating nuts in the classroom a week ago, I got a panic attack and almost ran out of the classroom.

I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I always think that they would think that I’m weird if I told them about it, and they probably wouldn’t understand. I mentioned it to my therapist some time ago, but she didn’t really do much to help me. I hate that I have to live with this fear every day, I hate that I can’t enjoy my food anymore.

Has anyone got any advice to give me? I feel so alone in this and like no one will ever understand what I’m going through.