I had a really good streak there for a while. I have so many great things in my life that I'm happy and thankful for, but right now I can't see any of them. 

Anxiety has come back and it's hitting me hard. So much of it stems from my father passing away from a rare form of cancer out of nowhere about 10 years ago. Health Anxiety is a huge struggle for me and I just can't shake it. I've done therapy for years and taken meds. They help a little but lately it's been the Ativan (what I consider to be a rescue inhaler. 

I've been experiencing hemifacial spasms (eye twitches) for a months. They mostly went away but now they're back and one of my cheeks twitches when I move my face a certain way. Naturally I'm worried I have MS or some other sort of horrific neurological ailment. 

Last week I thought I was having a heart attack in the shower. I felt a poking feeling under my left shoulder blade on the spine side...almost like a throb but didn't hurt...then my heart started beating out of my chest. Was relieved it was a panic attack when I got out the shower and my arms went numb. 

I've been super heart paranoid lately. Was reading about heart disease on Reddit and that's what set me off. 

The other night I woke up from a dream I was having because I thought I was having heart trouble or something. I could feel this almost throbbing in the rhomboid muscle area between my shoulder blade and spine on the left side. That kept me up for about an hour. If I shifted positions it would go away. 

Generally when I'm laying on the couch sitting up...I can feel an almost heavy heart beat...like my heart has to catch up almost...but it's never showed up on an ECG.

Maybe like once a day I feel a beat where it doesn't quite take breath away...but I'm like...yep felt that one. 

It's a struggle. It's impacting my work. I have no idea how my fiance puts up with me. 

Sorry for the rant...sometimes it feels good to just get it out there.