Disgusting habit. Unhealthy. Can cause the C word. I know all this yet I'm struggling to quit - and I'm starting to feel paranoid and anxious that I've permanently damaged my health.

The worst part is I quit for 3 years, but got caught back up in it. Smoking makes me feel less tense, but I also feel guilty for doing it. I don't even know if I'm doing it because I'm actually addicted, or just because I can. Now I'm freaking out because I can actually feel my lungs struggling against the poison I'm filling it with. I want to trash my pack, but part of me knows that's not going to fix things...I'll probably just buy another one.

Does anyone with BPD struggle with quitting? Thoughts? I know its difficult for people without this condition to go cold turkey, but I'm sure its even worse for those of us dealing with anxiety and BPD.