I'm so lost. I finally got referred back to adult mental health after being ignored for months. I got an appointment with an NHS psychiatrist to be treated like I'm stupid for not taking my last prescribed antidepressants after they made me throw up daily and not taking ritalin because it made me anxious enough that I would cry, despite the fact I've tried for months to get another prescription while being refused appointments from AMH and have been going through nearly every other option that might work better. I hate everything. They told me they think I should be discharged and treated me like I'm leeching off the system for being referred back while not taking the meds that made me sick. Despite the fact I was literally re-referred there twice in the past 3 months for suicidal behaviour and nothing improving.

After waiting over a year to be told the only thing they'll do for me is give me more antidepressants and that everything else should be fine because I don't seem that bad, I don't know what to do. That was the only thing I was holding on to. I feel the need to kill and hurt myself almost everyday, and the prospect that I might actually receive help that works was the only thing stopping me.

My first antidepressant worked fine according to them because I was no longer outwardly depressed, it didn't seem to matter that I could no longer feel anything at all. Is this what I'm stuck in? Being a zombie? It's not even like I felt any better then, I was just no longer able to talk about it.

I said I can't eat most days because I don't have the energy to get food at all, only to be told to just be motivated by my hunger and go down and make it. If it was that simple surely I would've done it already... It's like I'm being treated like an idiot. It's not like I ever wanted to be like this.

I ended up crying afterwards. I no longer want to seek any help for this. I dont feel like recovering. I really give up.