My fiance flipped a switch today and decided that she is for sure finally done with my today so I guess I’m moving out of her house, she has another guy lined up For tomorrow morning and everything and the only way I could not freak out is by smoking weed and even then I freaked out when she told me that.

it’s like I’m getting a mean version of her right now and I don’t know what I did in the past day. I mean I guess I do… I think. I keep messing up but I’m trying not to but it’s not good enough for her and I really have nobody else so I’m scared because if I go to my parents home I won’t know what to do it’s so depressing there, I’ll be doing online college classes there which is fine but i want to be around people and it’s like middle of nowhere over there. I want to be able to have sexual relations to forget about how Im so self destructive and i guess I’m not attractive enough in that area for tinder and I’m not sure how else to meet women or men with similar interests

We’ve been rocky because of my BPD I think everyone’s coming at me basically, and I lash out

this sucks I don’t have any friends really im in between jobs because I was doing spam calls reading scripts on behalf of pennymac and it made me even more depressed. I don’t want to lose my fiancé but apparently that’s selfish of me and she hates how I’m acting. I thought I could fix it and still keep her I guess not, I’ll probably swing by LA sometime in the next few weeks on my way to my depressing family home so any advice on what to do for an antisocial dude? Alcohol makes me social but that’s self destructive behavior ill play guitar on the street or something but that’s lame.