[original here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/4j43gp/i_think_i_scared_my_therapist_and_myself/)

**tl;dr of first post**: The gist of the first post was this: I was diagnosed with OCD a long time ago and have gotten treatment through CBT and medication.  It will never fully go away, but I'm a million times more functional than I used to be.  When telling my therapist, who specializes in OCD and has explicitly told me he feels uncomfortable around people with personality disorders, some bad thoughts I've had in an effort to be completely honest, he said that what I was telling him sounded like BPD.  He declined to make a diagnosis, saying that he does not diagnose personality disorders, but seemed really freaked out and our whole rapport seemed to change.

**Update**

So with this new possible diagnosis, my OCD sort of went nuts.  I started analyzing every decision I've made since junior high.  I had a lot of anxiety and was generally freaking out.  I normally see my therapist once every other week, so I decided to see if he could fit me in during my off week.  When he called, I was in the middle of something for work in a place where I couldn't really talk, so I asked if I could call him back in fifteen minutes.  He said no because he had an appointment. 

He then said that if I need more frequent appointments and given that our last meeting or two went deeper into psychotherapy than CBT, he would like to refer me to someone.  He said that he's really good at psychotherapy, but that it's not what they do there.  He then told me to take down a number of a therapist he knows.  I was so taken off guard and... hurt?  that I just said "I don't want to do that" and told him I had to go.

I tend to take some time to process things before knowing how to respond.  I talked to my husband about it and he and I decided that I should email my therapist.  He gave me his email and told me that if I ever need anything between appointments, I should feel free to email.  In the email I made these points:

* What you said really freaked me out and I feel that it has triggered my OCD.

* I think that what I need is to continue with CBT.

* Psychotherapy has never been helpful for me.

* He took me completely off guard by referring me to someone else over the phone.

* I apologized for hurrying off the phone.

* I said that if he no longer wishes to continue CBT with me, I will have to accept that, but that I would at least like to discuss it in person.

I had my husband read over the email to make sure it sounded okay and he said it did.  A few hours later, I got a one sentence response: "We will talk about it at our next meeting."  I didn't respond.  I know that I am not supposed to guess what someone is thinking without evidence, but to me it sounds like he is not interested in treating me any longer, which is what I was afraid of.

So my appointment is Thursday and I have SO MUCH anxiety.  If this is truly my diagnosis, then so be it, but I cannot imagine my therapist of two years, who has really changed my life, completely changing his opinion of me and not wanting to treat me anymore.  I had to go through a bunch of therapists (through me moving, them moving, other things like that) to get him and he has been amazing...until now.

So...what do I do?  What I want to do is tell him how unprofessional his behavior has been; how I can't believe that he *knew* I was panicking this whole time and didn't even offer me any advice related to CBT; that it's not fucking okay to dump a patient of two years over the phone.  But I won't say any of that because I want to keep him.  In any event, I have a feeling he will be letting me go, and at this point in time I'm dealing with a LOT of stress, and there couldn't be much of a worse time to lose my therapist.

Has anyone else ever dealt with anything like this?