so i have a friend’s birthday today but i’m feeling a little bit anxious about having to meet like 20 new people that will be there and i’m a little bit scared and i don’t wanna go and i don’t know how to tell her although she has struggled with depression and anxiety before and i’m so uhhhhhhhh i hate myself.

Also I feel like she won’t be my friend anymore if I don’t go and i feel like everything would be my fault heLP (I guess this stems from my BPD?). I was thinking on telling her I'm sorry I just got told that I have to take care of my baby brother for a couple of hours! But I'm too scared but I don't want to go help me please. I always have problems with thinking that my friends will leave me. 

edit: took my emergency pill almost 10 minutes ago, double dose (i knowwww i shouldn't have) but i still feel a little bit anxious fuck.