Sometimes I wonder, what horrible have I done in my previous life, in order to deserve this in my current one. 
All people just live, enjoy their lives, and me? Instead of being happy for what I have, I constantly search for problems to hate my life and everything around me! 
It seems like inside of me is sitting a horrible version of myself, who waits until I will start to feel better, so it'll bump me to the ground as hard as possible. 
And the saddest thing is that I do realize that, but I can't control it. My mind is so loud. I constantly go inside of my head and try to bit the sh*t out of this stupid mind, which whispers to me how horrible is everything, it forces me to create problems out of nowhere, and it won't listen to me, it won't. It's my own mind, which I am so powerless to control and it makes me sick.  It just has it's own way of thinking,own rules, which it forces me to follow. It destroys my clear mind and I am so done. 
Every time when I feel good, I am so scared, because I know if I feel good, it means there is storm coming, I don't know from where, I don't know what I will come up with, but every time I know that it's going to happen. 
I destroy myself with my own hands, and ... What can I do about that? I feel so powerless and it freaks me out!