Literally I cannot cope with the pain, all I want to do is take a kitchen knife and stuck it in my stomach and hope that this pains make the other, mental one, go away. 

The thought of doing it is over consuming. I genuinely don't know how long I'll last. I fucked up big time with my FP who broke up with me last month and the pain is insurmountable and my borderline took the best of me yesterday night and it was embarrassing, and messy and I just want to die an dI don't know how to cope with myself. I'm sorry I really ned help