Dr. google and I have a very toxic relationship. He gaslights me a lot, and convinces me of a lot of things that aren't true. He ruined my weekend by convincing me my boyfriend was dying of Marfans Syndrome, and is still ruining my Monday with this nonsense.

My friend commented this weekend that my boyfriend looks like he could have marfans. He only has a few characteristics, but now I'm full blown down the rabbit hole. Dr. Google and I have been having a field day. I'm convinced he'll have an aorta anyresume before his appointment in two months, that he's doomed, that maybe I have it too my arms are a little long, I'm stalking his family members FBS and Instagrams looking for signs of it, or ways to prove he doesn't have it, "See! His cousin always has crowded teeth, and therefore ext ext." But nothing that rules in the favor of him not having it comforts me and every little sign he does it killing my soul. Noticing stretch marks while giving him a backrub? That's definitely not because he had a growth spurt, and also used to be very overweight, CLEARLY IT'S MARFANS AND AN AORTA ANYRESUME IS IMPENDING. 

I posted in a marfans group and they're all telling me to calm down, but Dr. google is whispering "aorta anyresume" and "patients diagnosed early have the best prognosis, uh oh two months is sooooo far what could happen between then and now?" "Here's a story of someone who didn't get diagnosed, and whoops they DIED, if only they had been more cautious!"

I'm losing my appetite, and I'm afraid I'm going to drive everyone away with this behavior. Death consumes me. Even if they told me he'll live to seventy I'll be thinking, "oh my god I will live out my retirement alone I can't handle this." Dr. Google is consuming me, now I'm worried my dad and aunt have it too and my friend's boyfriend. I'm worrying over every skinny tell person I know and spiraling into my lifelong phobia of anyresumes.

Thanks for listening to my rant.