I'm doing all I can, I can do more though. I am in the best position I've been in all my life and as the days go by I heal. it's been nearly 6 years since my diagnosis and admissions. I'm finally able to wean off my meds. I havent s/h'd in a long time. I'm still recovering from addiction. I had an episode today and I know healing and progress isnt linear but damn I just feel that pain in my heart, lump in my throat that won't go away. I'm so scared of myself. I dont feel like I can reach out to people because we all go through our own stuff.

it's hard enough being from multiple marginalised communities, and on top of that BPD just dehumanises me. I know I'm throwing a pity party here but sometimes I need it. 

I'm 24 with my whole life ahead of me and I wouldnt be able to make this statement before 22. I'm doing better. I'm reminding myself of this. it just hurts so much man.