Hello everyone, I just wanted to start off with hoping to help anyone that's going through difficult times and hopefully together we can make it another day.

I (M/24) didn't in hindsight have a terrible upbringing. I was abused by my step father, step brothers, and biological brother but my mother did end up filing divorce which for some reason tore me up. It felt like I was the cause but who knows. Me and my brothers don't talk and I don't feel animosity towards them because they were sorta right. I didn't really amount to much and they saw it. I played games and not sports which was an oddity to my family, so in middle school all the way to graduation I played sports and resented it to this day but it taught me how to release some anger without bottling it up. 

I'd end up going to therapy around the age of 14 and was prescribed antidepressants which I didn't find helpful. I didn't understand why my own brain wasn't working with me. I'd fight the idea of hurting myself but eventually I graduated high school without following through with anything. I got accepted into college and figured this is my new start! Well for sure it was new but I couldn't manage to deal with all the social environments I was introduced to. I found an apartment and moved in by my second semester. It was there I fell into a deeper self hating phase in my life that I tend to fall back into time to time. I ended up attempting and woke up with a major headache and a stomach ache which sent me to the hospital to get pumped. I couldn't believe I woke up, and then to see my family look so mad and upset that it happened they all kind of distanced themselves. I felt like I didn't belong, and wondered how could I be such a failure. 
To this day it's been tough, I tried new careers and try to reconnect with old friends but it seems it's far to late for that. I don't want to be around, I never planned on being around for this long. So why do this anymore? I thought of my family, but where are they when I need them the way I've been there for them? It just sucks living in a world you never planned on being in so this is probably my first and only post here, I'll probably flake out and seek help but at this point it just seems to delay the inevitable. I appreciate anyone who took the time to hear my story and hopefully it'll either help or warn others to seek help and to find others who are the proper support system.