I am having depressive episodes probably all my life, 10 years ago so bad I started taking medicine and doing a lot of therapy which stabilized me.

since then I am married and i have a kid, I was stable for a long time, so I stopped seeing the therapist and later stopped taking the meds (we are talking several years here so not a "quick" thing to happen). Life was good for a while.

Covid was tough psychologically (although I never caught it), at the same time I founded a little company - besides the other two jobs I am doing - so stress level has been pretty high for the last 2 years. I feel my mood getting down quick over the last couple of months.

What is new for me is that I am really short tempered, I explode quickly over small things not in a physically aggressive way, not abusive with words, I am just getting very loud.

 this is putting my family in danger, it is hurting my son, it's putting my relationship at risk. I don't know what to do about it it's really hard to find therapy atm, I really don't want to start with medication again (although I will if there is no other way), I am trying to find group therapy now.

the feeling of the lack of self control, to see what it does to my son because he observes the fights with my wife etc, accelerates the depressive moods, I had (mild) suicidal thoughts again ... I feel like the only way how to deal with this is to drop all my jobs, take time for myself and chill out. but then I know how the economic uncertainty will put similar stress on me. 

if anyone has some good advice up the sleeve on how to deal with his/her short temper, let me know.