so i am not diagnosed, but i’ve researched heavily and done “quizzes” and what not so all in all my behaviour pretty much points to bpd. i really want to see a therapist or a psychologist to get diagnosed, but with covid and everything going on rn, and i still live w my parents and i don’t want them knowing. i have honestly gotten better with “lessons” without even knowing i have bpd like realizing other people are not responsible for my happiness and just because someone doesn’t reply quick doesn’t mean they hate me. although honestly i still struggle with the latter. tldr; i broke up with my fp literally abt 2 yrs ago but we were on and off for another year, until they started seeing someone else. u can imagine the toll that took on me. ever since then it’s been really rough bc i’ve been pushing them away but at the same time blowing up their phone asking if we’re still friends yadda yadda. very textbook stuff eh, anyways. right now i’m in a place where i miss them so much. i miss them so much it feels like i have no other reason to be on earth, they used to be my only reason. i will literally waste my entire day boggling my mind stressing about why we can’t be in each others lives, why everything can’t be normal. NEWSFLASH: i really need to go to therapy. but LOL aaahhhhh! i just really need advice. i really need advice because i’m so scared i’m going to be forever stuck on my fp. i’m scared i won’t be able to get into another relationship because i won’t feel for them like i do my fp. and if it does, i’m scared it’ll end up blowing up in my face because of my bpd like it did my last relationship. can people switch fp? or does it usually stick. i don’t know how to stop like obsessing over them being in my life cause it’s really taking a toll, both on me and them. thanks for reading gang