This is the one thing I haven't told my friends or family or even any of my exes or my therapists.

My mom used to make me sleep in the same bed as her whenever my dad was away, and sometimes she would watch porn and touch herself. She would also ask me questions about it and asked if I liked it.

She died recently and this is something I haven't stopped thinking about and It's really depressed me, and It has definitely fucked me up in it's own way. I want to change and be a better person but the memory of her keeps flooding my mind, I hate her so much. I'm going to bring it up with my therapist next time I see them, I'm just strapped for money at the moment so it is difficult to get an appointment.

I just feel so lost. I hate that her actions have had such a negative impact on me.