Throwaway account.

I feel like I'm ruining my life in the smallest ways. I'm not gonna give my life story. I don't have the energy to write that out right now. All I'll say is I'm 18, and I'm a first year mechanical engineering student, musician. Started working out to stop being sad, now I'm just strong and sad.

I've been staying in bed instead of studying. ignoring emails, friends, my gf. I've missed lectures, assignments, events. Have a hard time doing shit I like too, video games, films, whatever. I've felt like this for years, but it really hasn't been hitting lately. I even have a hard time writing music, which sucks, because that's like, the entire reason I haven't offed myself yet.

I feel fuckin terrible for lying to my counselor. Tuesday, I told him I was busy working on a group project. It's been finished for a week. I was just scared of going to the session. I still haven't read his reply.
Haven't showered since Wednesday when I went to the gym. It's Saturday now.
I'm going to fail my classes. I know I'm going to fail my classes. I'm not sure how many, but there's a 90% chance that I fail at least one.
That's all that matters now and I've completely sabotaged myself. Jeopardized my own success, really.
I just don't know where I can go from here. I've done nothing and I'm still out of options. Kinda ironic.

I've had 3 sessions so far with a counselor and I really struggle to tell him anything significant. I don't talk to anyone about my emotions either. Cried for the first time in years at the end of the first session. No reason either, just happened. Next two sessions I didn't say much either. I know it's only making it harder in the long run but I just feel so guilty and I hate talking about myself.

I'm not diagnosed with anything, but since looking shit up and being recommended "a nice to get the blood flowing" by every goddamn website in existence, I been wondering, what's the fastest way to get through what's holding me back? Meds? Cos exams are in a week, I'm really running out of time here and idk what I'm gonna do if I don't get through university. First term of first year. Jesus fucking christ that's pathetic ain't it. 
But I think I'm also scared of having it turn out that there's nothing at all wrong with me, and that I'm just a lazy fuck. That's the worst case scenario. Definitely an ego thing.
See, because it's exam season, I don't know whether my suicidal thoughts are because of my laziness putting myself in a bad situation that would make anyone suicidal, or if they're because of something else and just made worse because of my poor academic situation.
I'm just really fuckin scared.

So, that being said, wtf do I do y'all?