I’ve been depressed most of my life that I can remember. My dad was abusive, mom was on drugs not in my life, and in the 4th grade to 10th grade I was molested by my step moms dad. I ran away from my dads house my senior year of high school and I thought my life would get better after I cut all the toxic people out. Now I just feel like I’m cancerous and I make everyone around me just sick, and it really sucks. I don’t really want pity, but I genuinely hate myself. I hate how I look, how I talk, how I am awkward, and just overall not enjoyable to be around. I get told that I’m the problem, and I really try to change but I guess I’m just stupid idk. I am just so tired of being me. If I were to die rn it wouldn’t affect anyone they would just be sad but they can just move on and be better people without me, when I’m older and have a family and I killed myself then it’ll have an affect. But rn I feel like it’s just a perfect opportunity. I think about killing myself probably on a daily and im literally hanging by a thread. I still have goals and aspirations, but idk if my thoughts are bc I’m just sad rn idrk. Just in general my whole life was so shit from the beginning, I didn’t even stand a chance . I don’t see what I’m even still fighting for I’m pathetic. I have so much pain that creeps in and idk how to fight it off anymore and it sucks bc I really tried for a long time. But now wtf is the point. I don’t think I could really kill myself but if I were to get hit by a meteor while I’m sleeping I wouldn’t mind at all.