opiniom on fight i had with my bf

Me F19 and my partner M22 have been in a relationship since march 2022, known since january. 

We were fighting about where i should be for xmas (long story short i cant spend xmas day with him) i tried so many ways to fix this. Having the 24th or 26th. I got all his favourite things for him, i bared my heart and i told him how much it was hurting me that the situation was out of my control and he kept blaming me for it. 

Everything is fine for a while, and then the dight starts up again out of no where. We talk about it, same thing happens, i get emotional and tell him im trying my best, i keep apologising and he keeps going back on it. He then said to me 

"This is what you do, you emotionally manipulate people and try and garner guilt from them. Ive seen you do it with your friends and family, but you cant do it with me because i see right through it" 

I told him that i dont do that, and he says, 

"Maybe you dont even realise youre doing it" i was distraught by this, 

He goes on to say "you talk to me about family issues so i feel bad for you and you get your way. Then when i bring up anything about how im feeling, you have a mental breakdown and then i have to go and comfort you, because im not going to be that asshole that doesnt see do that." - baring in mind when he brought this problem to me earlier he said in response to me not being able to stay at my flat all day on xmas day because me and my 1yr old baby(not his baby)     have to go to my dads, was

"It’s okay though, I enjoy the company of my abusive mum so thanks for that gift I guess." - he told me he forgave me so many times....

I dont know what else to do, im left wondering if i really am a bad person and emptionally manipulate people or not... i didnt think i did that... my emotions are always heightened because i have BPD i think in black and white. 

I dont know how to move on from this fight and make it better, i really dont want to hurt him... i keep relaxing because i think everythings going to be okay and then the fight starts back up again.