Hi, i was recently diagnosed with BPD.

In my adult life (today 31), i dated many women, but the 5 long relationships i had always ended because of the same things. 

Now i'm dating another girl, beautiful, loving one. In which i see myself doing the same things that caused my previous relationships end.

For the last year - this girl has "bent" to all my craziness.

She didn't see friends, she didn't travel with work, didn't wear things she liked, nothing.

Now, the things i keep doing and want to change are:

Needing more attention, like literally all day long of texts - phone calls - frequent "send me a selfie" etc.

Feeling under-appreciated, not loved enough, like the other side isn't doing enough.

Jealous and overly controlling, "don't wear that, don't talk to guy friends, don't go with your friends, don't go to your 4 day work trip in Italy, don't drink, don't smoke, don't wear high heels even if i'm not around"

Overly criticizing, about everything "why you did this and not that, why don't you sound happy to hear me, why can't i come to visit you at work, why is that shirt too revealing, why did you call your friend and not me".

I have been checking her phone, to see if she was texting guy friends behind my back, i have been reading her old conversations with girl friends, also conversations with some friends while we already dated to look for things to argue about.

In the last two months, she broke up with me about 10 times, and as always i kept crawling on all 4, begging her to take me back, promised her i will change.

This morning, we had a fight in which it ended with her saying "i don't want you anymore, you don't make me happy, you always make things so difficult for me, i can't live like this, i became a sad person, i can't understand you anymore, i just don't want this relationship".

Then she hung up the phone and didn't answer my 10 phone calls, until she did, then i said i'm sorry and will try to act better next time.

The fight? it was because i saw her online at 2am, while we said "goodnight" at 00:30, then i asked her "if you were awake all this time, why didn't you send me some cute messages?"

I always regrett saying those things, but at a time, they just come out of my mouth..

No, i had some progress in the last weeks - 

I said ok to the work trip.

I said ok to going out with friends.

I said ok to some of the clothes.

I still find myself having a problem with some items, also the high-heels, because she's taller than me with those.

Even now, she's napping between studying to a test at home, it's been over 2 hours, we didn't talk much today, i'm burning of anger, how is that she said "i don't have time to talk, i must study" - but then she goes to sleep for 2 hours.

I don't know what to do, my therapist session is only 4 days from now..

Any help?