i am.. so tired 99% of the time. it takes SO much energy to deal with having bpd, it takes so much energy to try and figure out who you are. every time i get a "oh, what are you like? what are your hobbies?" question i write down some vague textbook answer because i dont KNOW.  


and im so sick of people without bpd treating it like it's such an easy thing to do. "well you like doing this! why dont you write that down? well youre like this in this place!" i cant write any of that down because NONE of it is a permanent part of me! i do not have permanent hobbies, i do not have permanent personality traits.   


its such a tiring thing to have to explain. i don't KNOW who i am. yes, i know its irritating that i could be fine one second and be super depressed in 15 minutes. i know all that! i KNOW im hard to deal with, since im the one that has to deal with me constantly.  


i dunno. im sorry for the rant, but im just.. exhausted of all of this. i didnt ask to have bpd so why am i treated like its my fault for having it?