For the past year or so I've been handling my BPD very well. I do have the feelings and sometimes they're awful but I can stay calm and act it too,  communicate my thougts, feelings, needs etc.



I've been dating this guy for I'd say 8 months now an were doing awesome but just now, for the first time since we met, I feel the urge to end it all. 
I went to the movies with a friend, went home to sleep next to him, made a stupid joke about a serious topic to which he responded a bit awkward and I'm feeling the urge to give the ultimatum so, so badly. I explained as well as I could but he's tired and has work early in the morning so I went for a shower so I could be alone with my feelings, mostly not to bother him with them. I know I'm being childish but I can't shut my mind off and I'm so damned frustrated. I don't want to pity myself. I'm ranting. I want to get over these thoughts and feelings so badly. I want to be able to live with BPD and be as good as I've been for a year now but it sees like things have been crumbling for a few weeks now. I'm scared. I dont want to go down this path again.