I’m a F/21 I’ve been struggling with self harm, depression, eating disorders and anxiety since I was around 14, I honestly think at this point I’ve gone mad, I hate myself so much it’s sickening, every day is the fucking same and nothing ever changes no matter how hard I try, no matter how long I wait, I hate my life so much I live in a fantasy world throughout my day, thinking I’m someone that I’m not, like and ideal version of myself, and the people around me are just different characters and Practically just living in a dream world throughout my days, but when I come back down to reality I realize I don’t know who I am anymore, I’ve recently started dissociating and It honestly feels as if Im dying. I’m so angry and I treat everyone around me like shit, I have so much hate inside of me and anger and sadness I don’t know how I can try to continue living like this… I have a doctors appt set up to try and maybe get some help.. I’ve never done anything to help myself, it’s always been to hard and I’m emotionally exhausted. I’m honestly scared to take medications, but I’m even more scared I’m going to be ignored and pushed aside and not taken seriously, I’m at my wits end, I either get help or I see no other choice as to how I can continue to stay alive. It’s so hard to get help, it’s so hard to talk about how I feel. I know a lot of medical professionals don’t take mental health seriously and it’s very hard to get help and I don’t know if I have it in me to keep trying.