Im just looking for support or anyone out there who has been where I am. I have a really triggering job, I am a receptionist at an office that does not get much foot traffic or calls, and i have no duties or tasks other than to be here full time, monday through friday. The other people in the office work whatever hours they want. (mortgage lenders) I got diagnosed a week after starting this job. The job triggered a huge mental breakdown that lasted almost over 3 weeks. Anyways. I read, watch netflix, listen to music, color, journal. All the things to distract myself.

But lately I come in and i just have NO energy to try and make the situation more tolerable. It feels pointless and hopeless to just try and distract myself at work. Or be mindful of how I feel. Since i have so much free time on my hands, its like I am ruminating in every thought i have. Sometimes it makes the anxiety worse. I am just literally alone here. And i HATE it. I want to quit so bad. But i know that wont solve the real issue, which is my tolerance for distress. And this job is so distressing. UGH. 

And being newly diagnosed is really hard, i feel like i cant learn enough about bpd. But then im just stuck here. Feeling what I feel. Alone. 