I really don’t see the point in even breathing. I have never felt this much of a desire to end my life.

A lot has happened since June in my life:

I have almost been assaulted and harassed by someone in my work building. 

I have a horrible relationship with my mother and she came to my apartment despite saying no. She verbally abused me, pushed me, and put me through an emotional roller coaster to say the least.

My family dumped my little brother on me to take care of for 2 weeks and be responsible.

I lost my best friend because I developed feelings, they have proceeded by blocking me on every platform even though I tried to explain I was experiencing some traumatic events and needed some time apart for my mental health.

I have an extremely stressful job in healthcare. 

I feel like a burden to my close friends and I feel so alone.

I have a psychiatrist and I feel like I’ve gotten worse.

I have been watching myself fall into this mental mess since June and I have nothing to look forward to. My dreams, ambitions, desires- gone. I’ve dreamt of being a neurosurgeon for so long, the thought of me even having a future is nonexistent.

This week my mom appeared again and publicly humiliated me at a restaurant. Everyone stared, she degraded me further by getting a waiter involved in her argument.

My entire family insults my choice in seeking help recently and ridicule me saying I have no reason to be on medication/depressed. Call me pathetic, weak, and a waste with all my prior potential.

Today I had this desire to be hit by a car. To just stop breathing. I hate myself and my life. I feel so ashamed, I have never felt this down. It feels like recently when I reach the surface to breathe and really try to feel better someone/something pulls me straight back down. Why cant I see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore?