This is a realization and an acceptance I've had for a few years now, but one that's been affecting me more &amp; more every day.

I'm a highly anxious person &amp; have a ton of nervous energy. I'm always on the lookout for something (or everything) to go horribly wrong. I get sick worrying about getting sick (EXTREMELY health-conscious), I cry imagining losing my parents or my family (whom I have ridiculously toxic and tense r.ships with), I worry about a plethora of terrible things happening to me or to somebody close to me that I see happening to other people all the time.

I know that I have it so much better than (most) other people and that I have SO much to be grateful for, and I am. I'm very grateful for all the things I have which I take for granted. But that doesn't deter from the fact that life for me is full of suffering and pain, and that at the end of it all, we're gonna be buried six feet under and all we've been through will dissolve into nothingness. 

I'm just fucking sick of being terrified all the time. That's not a way to live.

Inb4 "think more positively." - don't.