Questions, advice

Some background on me, I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder at a young age. Then became suicidal and was diagnosed with ptsd. Which didn’t make sense until CPTSD became more relevant to some professionals. Then I saw a new psychiatrist for a new medication journey. He wanted to diagnose me with ADHD. I thought I was BPD, he said no. Years pass and a health professional said I could have some form of BPD. I’ve read about BPD and Quiet Borderline made sense to me. This doctor was not a licensed psychiatric, they were a NP so I haven’t labeled myself fully as someone with this disorder.
I grew up in a toxic home and many horrible events and abuse growing up. I was suicidal at a young age and self harmed a lot. I’ve been in an abusive relationship as have gone through medical issues. I’ve been in a lot of toxic relationships and I’ve taken a lot out on myself. In college I took a huge leap into different forms of therapy and I’ve found the right one for me. I’ve learned about my triggers, I still am. Learning better ways to cope. How I’ve affected relationships due to unresolved trauma and I’ve learned the importance of boundaries. 
I still have had some tough relationships, I’ve gotten better at communicating. I realize suffering is part of the human experience. I so struggle with trusting people. I have no desire to manipulate those, I know how it feels. I do however am working on catching myself when I don’t honor my feelings or what I need to communicate, bc I’ve taken out passive aggressiveness on others I care about when I get in my head. 

I’ve had friends who told me they were BpD and I’ve had different experiences with them from the other. Some completely abusive, without apologies, or accountability. Others , it was different. I dated someone who was  Bipolar, I read Bipolar and BPD are different. Right?

It seems like a very complex disorder 

Basically being on Reddit pages for PWPBD and other BPD pages, a lot of the people who have been with those with BPD have suffered a lot due to the BPD. I worry that those with the disorder are looked at as only abusers. I understand they can have narcissistic tendencies. I’ve believed I’ve experienced it with a friend who has BpD. I’ve been afraid of being as harmful. My therapist has said they don’t believe I’m that type of person. I’ve been manipulated by others and I know how it feels. It’s scary. My own sense of reality can distort and I just withdrawal from everyone. I’ve lashed out on people before as well when I needed to just cool down. 
I think it’s vital for those who have the disorder to be in some plan of healing. I think the person I’m seeing now is bpd, they’ve told me they think they are. It runs in their family apparently. And when I try to resolve things I get a cold shoulder. When I need to calm down over a trigger, or I feel hurt I ask for space. Until I can discuss it. They take great offense to when I need space. I understand the fear of abandonment. I’ve tried to reassure them of all their fears during the time I need my space to ground myself. But it’s taken a toll on me. We both have lost trust it feels like in one another. I don’t feel trusted by them. I can’t mend their wounds all the time when I need to pick myself back up over my own triggers. It hurts they’ve turned things around on me when I just need space. Then I feel like leaving the relationship completely bc I no longer feel safe. I know everyone is in different journeys of healing and navigating life. I’m not perfect either and I know this. I understand people make mistakes. I’m afraid of getting hurt further rn. Apologies are starting to sound hollow from this person. I’ve worked so hard to implement boundaries and understand when I need space to ground myself , bc if I don’t it can negatively affect me and those around me. I’ve felt unsafe with this person and I’m not sure what to do anymore. 

Is it true all those who have BPD are just abusers? I find it hard to believe. I want to believe there’s hope in healing and that we are capable of it. I know we are all , any disorder or not disorder we are all capable of harming another’s feelings. I keep my distance from those who have constantly manipulated or harmed me. And I’m afraid this person is purposely hurting my feelings.