i told myself that if i tried my best to act healthy they wouldn’t leave this time.
i did my best i really did. i communicate, i explain my reasonings, i avoided splitting on them. my behaviour never changed. and it still couldn’t last. they started barely answering my texts, then they just ghosted me. when i asked what was wrong i got no answer, not one i could work with anyway. then they said ‘i can’t worry about you all the time’. why can’t i keep a relationship even when i try? like i get that before my diagnosis i didn’t know what i was doing wrong, but now i know and i try my best and it’s still not enough. i thought i was doing good i really did.
i have been leaving the house just for work and therapy. i don’t even care. if i can’t form a healthy relationship with anyone maybe i should just stop trying. i could be alone just forever. who cares.