Welp...I messed up and got on a kick of, "I can do EVERYTHING, all at ONCE!" I had sustained productivity at work from 150-200% for several months thanks to WFH. Since I was doing so well with everything, quit drinking last year too, I began college again for the 3rd time in January online, which was going really great, ended the 1st term with a 4.0 GPA. 

2nd term began, and (who i thought for 32 years of my life to be) my father was hospitalized and diagnosed with stage III, or moderate-to-severe COPD after years of avoiding the doctor. 

I found it difficult to focus on school work, panic attacks, PTSD flashbacks from my mother (isolation/school achievement issues). I had to get an assessment and went inpatient. After that monstrosity was over, yet gave me a chance to work on social skills, I started PHP again with IOP to follow. I am trying my best this time to participate and be present, and it's going ok, but I feel like I'm taking up other's potential time with my issues (trying my best to avoid TWs in this post lol). The group is really supportive and actually being there, while risky due to covid-19, is making me feel more accountable.

Now my 12+ year Carolina dog is sick with pneumonia and I have to participate via zoom which is a lot more listening vs. interacting. Joy. On one hand i feel like a failure for having to do this program yet again, but it does feel great for a refresher on social skills, and feels like I am just going to the "doctor" for what could be physical therapy for a "physical illness), but for my mind.

I hope if anyone has read this far, that you are doing well. If not, recognize your support persons (anyone who has said you can talk to them about your personal struggles that you feel comfortable talking to), and don't hesitate to reach out. I am working on this now. I came in thinking my partner was my only support person, but have since recognized 4 more....just not sure how to....idk...thats todays topic lol. Have a good monday!