I have not handled change/ transitions of life for as long as I can remember. 

**a little background:** I had two strict Persian parents growing up. I was a spoiled kid. My parents are very loving but also toxic. just about everyone in my family has undiagnosed anxiety issues. lol let's be honest, most Persian people do. my parents fought a lot. And I mean A LOT. I was an awkward kid for the beginning of my life. I always had anxiety I just did not realize it until it became worse later in life. But I was awkward, shy, never liked being the center of attention, would freak out if I had to talk in front of a crowd of people... I did not have many friends in middle school especially. I remember always hating change. For example, when my parents wanted to get a new car, I remember being super upset that we were changing it. I was gonna miss the car very much. (weird)

I would be sad and scared whenever I would be ending a year of school. I remember freaking out that 5th grade was over. same when 6th grade was. etc... I remembering being terrified to enter high school and telling my mom how sad I was. I remember my mom making a weird face but trying to reassure me that it was good to be moving forward and that it was only high school (LOL looking back I wish I could tell myself to calm down it was exciting).

But entering high school, I became more of my own person, and made many friends, and was pretty happy. I remember during high school, telling myself every now and then to enjoy it (because when it was over, my life would be way harder). I remember making college big and scary in my head and telling myself life would be over when I had to go to college (ever since 7th grade I felt this way). Then I entered college eventually, terrified. It was finally here. What I was scared of for soooo many years in the back of my head. I was so sad high school was over and I had to be serious about college and figure out what to do with my life. But now- college has ended and I am 23 and I want to smack myself for being this way my entire life so far... because college was more than fine. I was so anxious, for what? college was the last time to actually just figure out myself, take classes, and enjoy my life. But NOW- NOW I am officially in the real world and I can't handle it. I am not like anyone else in my life. All my friends are so good at going with the motions. They are dating, they are changing, they are applying to grad school, and yes they are scared, but not like me. They are not afraid of change like I am. I am scared of dating, making new friends, just... my brain is super negative and I am not excited for anything like everyone else is. I just feel like now, life is full of responsibilities and hard shit. My parents expect a lot from me. I still feel like a kid even though I am 23. I am not fully depressed... I just instinctively go to a place of anxiety when I think about having to apply to grad school, go out, socialize with guys, find a boyfriend, and get married eventually... and life goes on. why am I not excited for any of it?

I want to know if anyone else out there is like this. Is there a book, video, anything that has helped you get out of this mindset? I don't want to be this way anymore. I am deeply sad and scared more than ever... but mostly because of the way I think.