6 years ago, I started using drugs because I was lonely. 8 months ago, I quit, and loneliness hit harder than ever. I've never felt so lonely in my life. I feel abandoned, alienated, and excluded. I can't stop crying every day. I now understand why suicide rates are way higher in men. I also understand why some idiots choose violence. I am self-aware of everything. The society acts like I don't exist. Somehow people are conditioned to ignore the single man especially if the man has no job or is broke. Loneliness is the worst. In the past, I've experienced terrible depressive episodes, panic attacks, and even psychosis. But this is very hard. I don't want to romanticize my situation, but I think Taxi Driver is the best movie I've ever seen. It is real. ( I don't want to exclude women, there are a lot of lonely women out there, but I think this situation is different than theirs.)