She came from a very unloving family, nonexistent childish, past abusive relationships and she has been taking prescripted medicine since young. She also has history of self harming and suicide. 

However, this was the first time this happened when we are together. The episodes were getting more frequent, she didn’t take medicine for almost 2 days and frustration building up. She broke up with me, quit her job so she could find reasons to commit. However, she still reached out to me at the end of the day. 

She is safe now and is feeling better after taking med again. I even took her to work as moral support. We are fine now. Though, as soon as I am away, I thought of how she could have died. And it broke me. I also have a history with suicide and dealing with severe depression. I can take care of myself though. Being in the opposite position is terrifying. The thought of almost losing her is unbearable. Not just as a partner but also a person. I am unsure what should I do next to support her better when she has her bpd episode. And at the same time for me to move on from this event. We are not yet to living together and the cost of therapy is too much at the moment. 

TLDR: my bpd gf failed to commit suicide after having a serious episode. I am traumatized that I almost lose her. How could i be there better for her. While I heal from this event.