I suppose the reason for me feeling good is - I drew something yesterday and I am hopeful of the future. 

It is only fleeting. Tomorrow I may feel like the worst and arrested. But today I feel good - it’s the sun, the hope and faith in me, and also creating.......

I have been telling my friend to ‘create’ something. He just doesn’t listen. Idk if it will give him as much satisfaction but it will. I guess I know what’s another factor in it.....it’s a narcissistic one.....it’s the thought that I am better than so many people at some of the things.....it’s not in my head but it does stop me from feeling terrible.