(English is not my first language)
Im in Highschool and I care about what others think so much that  it lead to me being really depressed.Im so insecure and simply existing around people that are better looking than me makes me feel EXTREMELY insecure and i cant even look at them because i feel so little and like i don’t even deserve talking to them because they’re so much better in every way not just looks.Especially in school,its living hell i have no social skills so the friends i made when i came here are the only people i can talk to comfortably (nobody knew anyone so people were open to making new friends and had no previous knowledge of who i was so i guess that’s how i was able to meet them in the first place) and i really don’t like them i just sit there and watch the rest of my class have fun knowing i will never have the courage to hang out with them even tho i want to so.bad.A lot of them look really nice and fun and i don’t really have many friends outside school so its a really good way to make friends but i.just.can’t.And its not even that,when i see them in public or on my way to school all together i don’t even say hello because i feel like they think im a loser.I know they think that but thats because i spoke like 5 times with them in my whole lifetime and they all hang out together all the time.Its killing me and every time i step into that class I’m reminded that im too fucking stupid to even make friends and that feeling makes me want to die. Im scared that im going to get into drugs because of all this,i want to have fun go to parties but i care so much about what people think of me it makes me physically sick just thinking about coming up and talking to people i don’t know for at last like 3 months. I feel like im waisting my teenage years but and i know i know…i should stop caring because i live once…i will regret caring when im older.. bla bla bla. Ive tried changing my mindset many times i just cant bring myself to talk to people and im starting to think this is who i am and not just social anxiety.

Another aspect of my life:

When i was little i made friends with a girl (I’ll  call her “K”)and we would hang out alone all the time i introduced her to my other best friend (“H”) and we started hanging all together.Through the years i grew apart with H but we would still hang out all the time as a trio,just not me and H alone.K is my best friend and when i cant go out K and H go alone but i just can’t be alone with H. K thinks im weird because “What do you mean u can’t talk to your best friend”, thats what she said to me when i said i don’t (cant) want to go out with H alone. I feel extremely stupid for this but im literally terrified by the idea of me going out alone with H and i think this its because she’s fucking perfect shes gorgeous,funny,confident and im intimidated by her. This is really ruining my life and Nobody understands. I want to die.