Hi all, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 a while back. I am currently taking antidepressants and lithium. In addition, I occasionally take oxazepam when things are really not going well. During the investigation into my bipolar disorder, I had to fill out a list to see what my ups and downs were. There was a clear pattern in this, now the only way to prevent it is through medication and therapy... Meanwhile, we are a few months further and I have certainly had my 'up'. I was unstoppable for 2 weeks, had everything in order and made lots of appointments. I put on make up again and dressed nice. My libido was sky high and I was super confident. Since 2 weeks ago, I fell into a hole again. I slowly feel myself going deeper and deeper and now there are more and more black days. I dare not look in the mirror anymore because I am disgusted with myself. I hardly eat anything, my appetite is completely gone. But the thing I recognize the most is this... every time I feel so depressed, I start doubting everything intensely. About how I am as a person, whether I am good enough. But also about my relationship with my boyfriend (we have been together for 5 years and have a house and a cat together). I worry about whether I take good enough care of my cat and whether I am neglecting him. Then when I feel a little better I also know that I am pretty okay and that I am not neglecting my cat. 

I find that I can see it more and more but can't stop. Are there people here who also suffer from this? How do I stop this endless hole I am falling into?