I don't really understand why this happens? I've always been alone and I used to HATE it, like I'd cry myself to sleep every night in high school because I didn't have friends or a lover and I thought it made me worthless. I was like that for YEARS

But now since graduating and moving to a new city, I got a job and got wayy better at talking to people. I made friends quickly. It was exciting for a few months. Now I can't stand it.

I don't know if I burned myself out or what. I literally hate it when my friends ask to hang out with me, it's too stressful. I have to worry about washing up and getting dressed and cleaning my home for them, and then I have to maintain an interesting conversation and find something entertaining for us to do and UGHHFJSJSHFHJAJF.

A recent complication is that I got hit by a car eleven days ago and suffered a pretty awful concussion as well as a broken knee. My head feels fine now but I have a lot of trouble getting around, which makes cleaning my home and making myself presentable STUPID and TIME CONSUMING

Needless to say I've been avoiding my friends and dodging messages and staying inside all day by myself. It's only been eleven days but I'm honestly used to it already and I don't find myself crying out of lonliness too often. When my friends text me and ask to hang out I get this stabbing feeling that's a mixture of intense fear and anger. I don't fully understand why my emotional response is this strong.

Is this a BPD thing? Or a concussion thing? Is my brain still fucked up from the accident or what's going on