Hi guys, I’m in my 20’s and I’m married to someone older than I am. I went to a funeral which was my first open casket funeral I attended and ever since then, it affected me. The next day a coworker told me he has cancer. 

Since that time I’ve had serious anxiety and depression. I can’t even function. I’ve been so scared of my husband dying. I cry every day and read forums about posters losing their husbands/wife’s and I cry. I moved to America for him. I don’t have any family here except his. All my family is in England. I only have him here, no kids. All I do is hold him and cry. I could not go on without him. 

How do I stop feeling like this? Please help. I’ve had suicidal thoughts and thoughts of killing myself if he ever passed away. I keep crying randomly like I’m grieving. I don’t know what to do or how to help myself stop doing this. I read on Reddit that everything has a expiration date and ever since then, I physically want to puke everywhere. I’ve been so depressed about it. I don’t want my husband out of my sight. I want to die before him.

Please help me to stop feeling like this. I’ve cried at work for the past 4 days. My husband is knock on wood, healthy and fit as a fiddle. Why am I crying and feeling like I need to puke over this? I am starting to develop separation anxiety too.

Please advice!