Hey, 

Intro: 
I'm sort of new here, not familiar yet with all flairs for the post tho, don't seek literal support rather, experiences of others, I had this conversation today with my family about something and it didn't turn out like I expected nothing to bad, but it was sort of the last straw that broke the camel's back, I already felt all day empty and it's actually my birthday today, (I've just been diagnosed 2 weeks ago with bpd by the way). I felt so distanced from everyone and everything I thought like fuck it, whatever, I don't care about anyone here, I felt so disconnected to everyone I know, and thought well why not just kill myself  (ppl don't worry I'm alive I won't leave now, suicidal thoughts are part of life, no taboo) but that feeling strikes deeply, and if I had a poisonous painless quick death pill I would take it. 

I got to somewhere alone now and just had to cry because of I don't really know, I'm tired, do people know this feeling, (especially on birthdays of yourself). What do you do?