Over the last two weeks or so I’ve started hanging out with a few people from my new job. It’s the first time I’ve really had a social life in at least two years (and back then it was really just my roommates). It’s been a lot of fun, but the last few days I’ve felt like absolute shit. Idk if it’s cause we were drinking a lot or what, but I feel some of the worst most persistent anxiety I’ve ever had - despite not having drunk in at least 3 days. I’ve been having nightmares and sleep paralysis again which I haven’t had in 6 months at least and have a constant jittery energy. I’m constantly tired, my neck hurts, I feel tingly and short of breath, etc.

The aforementioned work friends and I are planning to go to the beach tomorrow, and then have a party at the one guys house with several other work acquaintances and his own friends. This sounds like a dream come true for someone who’s been wanting to branch out, but I keep just thinking about how lame I’m gonna be, and the two-hour car rides, and the small talk with coworkers I don’t really know. They’re picking me up in two hours to sleepover before we leave in the morning, but more than anything I just want to curl up in bed right now and cancel. All I’ve done today is browse Reddit, smoke, and feel anxious lol.

I’m just pissed at myself. It’s frustrating because I’ve felt that a social circle has been the biggest missing piece in my life for ages, and now that I’m building one I want nothing more than to run away from it. I don’t really have a question, just ranting - but if anyone has any advice I’d be happy to hear it.