My therapist today kept asking personal questions today, what I like to do, hobbies, kind of music, etc,  and I had to lie because I don't know. I don't think I have derealization, but I absolutely feel hallow, I have no idea who I am or what I should be doing. I'm completely empty. When I say I'm boring, I really mean it. I have nothing that makes me, \*me\*. I have a mask for each person I know. My favorite anything is only based on whatever the person I'm talking to likes. I mimic and parrot everything because the "real" me is a miserable husk. I've been hitting myself till I bruise lately because I don't want to have to explain cuts on myself. I am completely flat until I get obsessed over my next FP where I then turn into a emotional vampire that hurts anyone involved. I saw another post on here with people talking about fantasizing of being saved, but I think about the opposite. I fantasize about dying in my sleep, or a car swerving when I'm walking to work and hitting me. Anything that just makes me finally able to sleep in peace without hurting my family too much.