I split really hard and sadly my ritual is to block and delete off social media... and it wasnt rational of me but it was hella impulsive
Long story short my sorority lilsis who i idealize tons since 2015 expresses her disappointment to me right before my bday for the first time ever these 3+ years..
And she’s always been loving and understanding of me despite the way i am.
But i guess i pushed her buttons and she got really ticked off by me she sounded super super done.
So i deleted off fb, ig, snapchat + her BF too. Im close to him too.Because i felt he encouraged her to say those things cause i did f up.
I kept being indecisive on going to
Vegas for a bday celebration bc of social anxiety/ depression and i made excuses so much.
I dont think she’l accept my apology 
Idk what to do but i know i feel awful without her

And my bday (which i fucking hate and is the worst time of all year when im most emotional too) was august so i split so bad, had a crying breakdown fit, self harmed so much cause she didnt wanaa go to my bday dinner and didnt mention a celebration after and was using petty excuses like i did to not go to vegas. She sounded super passive aggressive n done w me for first time too so ofcourse i split so hard + bday emotions r just wild,

Geez here i am ruining all my relationships

Idk how to go about trying to fix this important relationship to me.

Any suggestions?