
16M, USA, going into my junior year of high school.

It’s been a rough past year (perspective wise, obviously it’s not the worst thing in the world). 

While some things have gone good; my grades improved a ton, and I finally made progress in the gym to where I get compliments and stuff and I’m semi happy with my physique. 

With all this confidence I decided to ask out a girl I liked, I wasn’t really sure if she liked me or not, there were signs both ways, but she ended up friendsoning me and she liked really sorry when she did it too. Apologizing a ton of times. I have not gotten over it. Not a day, hell hour passes where I don’t think of her. I know nothing will happen because she said she doesn’t like me that way but my brain can’t stop thinking about it. I’m definitely not gonna push things or ask again because the last thing I want in this world is to make her feel uncomfortable.

I just feel I will never get a girlfriend because before this year I knew I would probably never and the second I got some confidence I became arrogant and thought smth would happen, now I’m back to reality I guess?

I don’t have my license yet, all my friends do though. I’m done drivers Ed but the school I went to is having trouble fitting me into their drive time schedule so I can’t take my test yet. 

I started fall sports today, I do XC running and I was way worse than I thought I would start of on, it’s also less fun because a lot of my friends on the team were seniors and their gone now, so it’s just not something I look forward too.

Life just seems empty and sad right now. Suicide has been on my mind for some reason, but there’s many reasons why I can’t do that. Yet it still plagued my mind.

I’m losing every will to do anything. Whenever it’s to change smth nothing good happens nowadays. I just end up watching my friends get relationships and drivers licenses and go to parties while I spiral down