I'm sick and tired of having an FP. I want to feel normal emotions towards the people I want, not someone random picked by my personality disorder as if I were a slave to my brain chemistry. I don't want to feel locked inside a cage of my illness anymore. I hate this obsession, I hate the paranoia and I hate how I seemingly can't control which people my PD picks the most. I am so sick of this aspect of BPD. Can a person somehow slowly make themsleves just....not have an FP? 

I'd also like to state that I am not in therapy currently, and I've been in therapy but never one that focused on BPD, because that's treated only in specialised centres and rn I'm on the waiting list for one but the wait list is 3 years long and I applied this June. So if there are therapy methods that help with this I'll have to employ them myself.