I set the flair as “person without BPD” so I don’t get criticized for self diagnosing. Pls don’t be mean I’m really struggling right now!

I’ve been (quietly) self-diagnosing as BPD for 6 years. As an immigrant living in Europe I’ve spent the last 7 years trying everything I could to get diagnosed but therapists/psychologists won’t take me seriously and keep telling me to just go to therapy and work out my stress problems. Every time I try to describe something, they blame it on stress. I relate to all 9 BPD traits, have been reading this subreddit and other BPD online communities for years, I know I’m not faking it. 

Last year I finally found a therapist who was willing to guide me towards a diagnosis(since she couldn’t diagnose me herself). 
In january she started suggesting I might have PTSD and since then it’s been a certainty for her that it’s my one and only issue.


For context, I don’t like her. I would go to another therapist if I had the option. Sometimes I find myself explaining so many things that she should know already and she regularly excuses my mother’s racism (I’m mixed) because she thinks it’s “kinda understandable” (my mother is very racist and used to call me the n word during fights, jsyk). The therapist also ignores all my other mental health concerns when I bring them up (splitting for one), and she doesn’t listen a lot. Of the 60 minutes we have she lectures me about random things for most of it every single time... When I broke up with my bf she kept defending him, just bc he’s autistic. Anyway she’s a lot.

Today I asked her about a diagnosis again. She acted like I never talked about it before and asked me why I needed it. After I explained how important it is to me she lectured me on how my problem is probably just PTSD. I told her that it’s not all and that I’ve been sure of it for years. She kept asking “do you think you’d be the same if you were born in another family?”, “your problems are due to your traumatic childhood, hence ptsd”, “Stress is the biggest factor here so when stress is out of the equation maybe we can talk about this again”.
Then she mockingly said that if I really really wanted to know for sure, it would cost around €600 for an official diagnosis in an institution(She knows I’m poor). After I pushed for more options she said she could get one consult with her colleague, a psychologist, so he could tell “if there’s anything more to it than ptsd”.
The consult will probably happen in 2 weeks and I’m so nervous bc I’ve talked to this psychologist once for medication and he was really rude and kept making jokes. I want to give up. They’re never gonna take me seriously. I know I shouldn’t listen to them anymore, I’ve been to almost all mental health professionals in this city and nothing. But it’s so important still. I just don’t want to doubt myself anymore.

So I wanted to ask, if you relate/ if you had difficulty being diagnosed how did you finally get it? 

Is it okay to write down symptoms/common things you go through? Or do you have other advice?
(My memory sucks so I wanted to do this but I’m scared he’ll think I’m lying)

Sorry for the long text😞