I’m 19 and was just diagnosed with colon cancer. My colon is covered with 150 plus cancerous pulps. This is my second time dealing with something of this magnitude, the last time being 2 years ago having a tumor in my nasal cavity. My body isn’t handling everything well. I constantly feel tired and muscle fatigue everywhere even if I’ve done nothing but sit in my bed. I have the option to get my entire colon out in the next few months before it spreads or do chemo and chances are I’ll die by 21. It sounds selfish but I want to take the chemo options and hope for the worst, I’m so exhausted from having over +40 procedures in the last 2 years. Spending weeks to months in the hospital. I see all of my friends living their lives happily while I’m not able to do the simplest things. I’ve already had a troubling childhood to this point and it feels like there’s always going to be something going on with me and I can’t handle it. I’ve had too many panic attacks about this and I just can’t handle the stress anymore. I just want to be able to do things people are doing my age. My depression has gotten to the point I’ve just deleted all my social media apps to not have to look at other people having a great time or complaining about stupid issues. I’ve tried dating apps to see if I could click with someone and have something to look forward to in the future but I don’t even really want that. Not many people understand how hard the simplest things are for me. No one mentions how hard it is to keep it together mentally when your body can’t keep together.