In just this year, all my own personal shit aside, I've had to go through my dad's second open heart surgery and recovery, my dog of seven years was just diagnosed with terminal lymphoma a month or so ago and as I got home from our family dinner tonight I got a call from my mom's friend saying my step dad of 15 years had passed away. I could hear my mom in the background like a 911 call. Screaming and crying. I don't think I'll ever forget hearing her like that.

I (28 f) grew up my whole life watching men mistreat my mother. Dragging her across our front yard by her hair, leaving bruises all over her body and sending her to family events with a busted lip. My step dad was such an amazing guy. Grew up in a dirt poor place and made the best of it. Didn't know how to read or write but owned and operated several businesses. An outlaw by blood and a good guy by nature.
I'll never be able to thank him for giving both my mother and I a stable life that we desperately needed.
I think I would have cut my mother out of my life a long time ago if it wasn't for him helping us in so many different ways. 
I want to get better but I feel like everyday I start out feeling okay but by the end of it I can't get over everything and I'm sinking back down into old habits and behaviors and I can't stop sliding down the slope.