It's the roller-coaster ride that I never asked to be on.

The constant ups and constant downs,

yeah... it's nauseating.



At first, it was fun.

Only because I didn't realize I was on one. 



I've been on this horrible ride for years now.

Just up, down, up, down..

Never ending.



Bipolar automatically throws you on this emotional ride

tormenting you, teasing you.

Making you feel the rush from being up so high

but then making you feel on the verge of death from falling so far down.



There is no in-between.

There will never be an in-between. 



And if there is, it's pretty rare or simply put...

Short lived.



You crash and burn so fast that you never have the time to even prepare for the fall.

What really sucks is that the highs the coaster puts you on is so short lived.



It's not fair.



Another thing that sucks is that you're crashing and burning longer

never knowing when that devilish ride will bring you back up.



Bipolar will forever keep you on this ride from Hell until that biological clock runs out.

So you should probably get used to it. 



Harsh, I know...

But that's just our reality.

Our Bipolar reality.



While you're on this high from the ride,

you feel unstoppable. 

You feel confident, more than usual that is.

You're in a heightened mood.



Whether that mood is filled with being happy 

OR

that mood causes you to be overly and easily irritated.



Sadly, that's the mood I  experience.

Extreme irritability.

But mix it with a little bit of confidence, some extreme energy

and BAM! 

You tell yourself that you never want to get off this ride.



Until it crashes into the darkness of God only knows what.



Then you start saying to yourself, 

"What the Hell?"

"I was feeling so great these last few days or week(s), why is this happening to me?!"



"Oh wait..."



Yeah, I'm sure you've had these exact thoughts, if not similar.



Not to mention that once you leave that high, which we call (Hypo)mania,

you start to drown in an intense amount of guilt.

Not even realizing that during that time of being in the highs of the ride,

that you've actually hurt some people while in your own "world".



You start wondering what the hell you did during this time.

"Why is everyone mad at me?"

"Why can't I always remember?"



Now you spend the next few days, weeks or even months

going through the mess you've made,

trying to pick up the pieces you lost along the way and try to repair relationships.



Oh how lovely... 

Not.



It is a never ending cycle.

A pretty vicious one might I add.



Which is why Bipolar has one of the most horrible rides a person could ever be on.



And what's funny is...



We didn't ask to be on this ride,

but here we are...