I'm a 22M, in college (full time) and working 44h/week for a bit more than a minimum wage.

I wake up every day completely exhausted. It's been months that I don't have idea of how I'm getting out of bed. 

My grades went downhill since the beginning of this pandemic, I can't study and I have no will to. I want to give up college but it's my only way out of my job. I've been doing my things in the best way I can (and it's the sh*ttiest way possible).

I met someone a while ago and we were into each other, but now the person is slipping away because I can't pull myself together. 

It looks like my whole life is passing and I'm miserably watching. My ideations come back a few months ago (I had them when I was younger and I had a diagnosis of depression when I was a kid) and I don't have courage to seek help. 

I have a (kind of) stable job that is driving me crazy. Every thing in my life has been going downhill. My grades are getting worse. The person I like slept away. Every day I ponder about ending this, but I can't. I still have the feeling that I have more to do and give. Absolutely nothing gives me pleasure. I have no will to study and change my job. I'm completely scared of losing it, though. I have the feeling that every single person I like (it means family and friends) is giving up on me and I'm feeling so alone. I have been hiding a lot of things about me from my family (religion, sexual orientation) because I'm scared they won't accept me. 

It's been a burden to wake up. I'm going through the day hoping to go to bed and sleep. I don't know if I can make it tomorrow.