Hello all, this is my first time using Reddit so I apologise if anything is out of place and I hope I put the correct CW.

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Essentially, I attempted suicide a few days ago and although I survived, I've ended up feeling more like I'm being punished for it than anything. My girlfriend simply said she didn't want to talk to me and didn't say anything about being glad that I'm okay. The rational side of me understands that she is obviously in shock, and needs time to process what's happened, but my BPD just won't let me accept it for what it is - I feel so abandoned and scared to be alone, and she's stopped saying 'i love you too' whenever I tell her. It's tearing me apart because I just feel as though I'm being punished by the one person I love more than anything. No one else has acted like this towards me, they've been supportive and it's led me into a state of constant paranoia. I find myself having to keep asking if my girlfriend still wants to be with me, if she still loves me etc, and I'm terrified that things won't ever go back to normal. I don't know what to do anymore, it's making my insomnia worse, too.