My friend told me I’m clingy and gave me constructive criticism. I want to become less toxic and save our friendship.

We know each other for about half a year now. Even though he doesn’t seem the kindest person at first (he’s really bad at expressing his emotions; neither he’s a very hug-person) and looks like my polar opposite both by look and lifestyle (he wears all black, regularly smokes and goes out, while i’m the princessy ‘good girl’ raised in a bubble and never even held hands with anyone), he is one of those few people who I’m comfortable with talking honestly about my life, he even told me I can tell him anything. He never forced me to do the things he does (he even protected me from someone who asked me too personal questions) and never ever made fun of me because of my ‘innocent’ life, in contrast with my other friends. So I’m sure he’s a good person.

The problem is that despite this, I always struggled a lot to keep in contact with him. He’s anxious with phone calls and is really bad at texting: he often forgets to check his messages (once I waited for a month for him to look at mine) and I cannot count how many times I got mad because of these things – even though he always said not to take it personally and it has nothing to do with me, he just forgets it (he has ADHD by the way). So, I decided to text him again on the following day if I don’t get a response – I know, I know, it’s toxic and impolite to do, but I was helpless on how to reach him. It was also my habit to tag him in my Instastory.

The last time I (really, really…) overreacted his behaviour, he told me that I became really clingy and the way I’m communicating with him is really not working and it would be better if I did it differently in the future. He also gave me constructive criticism on how to build a friendship with people and how to communicate (because I’m shitty in those things). His intention was clearly to be helpful, however I feel really ashamed and I don’t really know how to not be clingy with him. 

I’m not in love with him (tho at first I had a huge crush on him), he’s not into girls and even if he was, we wouldn’t make a good match. He’s more like a favorite person in the BPD sense. I was diagnostised with mild Asperger’s, but I show symptoms of quiet BPD and I’m also highly sensitive as well. With these, it’s really hard for me to help on myself and not be obsessive with the people I really like. It’s also not helping that some of my girlfriends consider this guy an asshole (bc they don’t know him, just saw me hurt and upset many times) and want me to cut ties with him, when actually he’s the last one I want to do this.

My question is, how can I ‘save’ our friendship and become less obsessive? How should I treat him after his criticism? Should I apologise for my behaviour?