It's not that I want to die, It's that I don't know what to do. I'm a massive failure. I live with my destroyed self-harmed  body. My self worth is in the toilet and I'm about to quit my job. I hate putting my boyfriend through mental torment and I hate him seeing my struggles. I really want nothing more than to live a "normal life" but I don't think I'll ever have that and as much as I'm trying right now to fix it I don't think I can. he told me last night that he wants a grow old with me. I want to be strong but all I can seem to do is fail. Constantly at square one. I'm holding myself back to my best ability but I don't know how much longer I could stay on this earth.