I have been dealing with terrible anxiety and depression since the beginning of this year. I have always suffered from the two, but never like this. Never to the point where I dread waking up and have trouble getting out of bed in the morning.

My anxiety and depression stem from self-doubt, imposters syndrome, and regret. Recently decided that it was time to get serious about my career change towards software development. It is something that I enjoy and have been doing and learning for years at work (though it’s not part of my job description). Six months in, and I have definitely learned new things, but I just don’t think I will ever be good enough or smart enough to make this happen. I compare myself to people who got actual CS degrees and I ask myself why they would ever pick me over one of them. Friends in the industry are encouraging me to start applying, but I feel like they are just being nice to me. I feel like I don’t belong and that I am wasting my time.

In this time, I have also put other parts of my life on hold. I went through severe burn out at work, and asked to take a step back in order to focus on myself. I feel like this will prevent me from ever being taken seriously at work should I fail the career change. I’ve also had to give up searching for a house, and it sure feels like I will be priced out of the housing market at this rate. My gf also has to deal with my ups and downs, and I hate feeling like a burden. I am starting to regret my choices and often find myself ruminating throughout the day.

Therapist tells me to be kind to myself and challenge my thoughts. But it has gotten to the point where I’m angry at myself for feeling this way. I am tired of walking around with this giant weight on my chest, constantly reminding me of what I will never accomplish and everything I have given up as a result.