My boyfriend of 13 months broke up with me two weeks ago. A week after the break up and he's already dating the girl he was cheating on me with. 

After the break up I lost my shit. I screamed, I yelled and lashed out at everyone around me. I hit a point where I realized I needed help. 

So I was referred to an intensive outpatient program. I had the assessment today. After it, I was diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder and recommended to start a DBT program. 

I left there feeling worthless. That diagnosis just reminded me of my ex. Of the fact that he couldn't be vulnerable or open with me and he never knew why. 

I know why now. I reminded him of his mother who has BPD and Bipolar. She was abusive and he hates her. He told me I reminded him of her but I don't think even he made the connection. Subconsciously or not, he didnt open up to me because I reminded him of his mother. 

I'm having a hard time looking at this with the reminder that he cheated twice. Because my brain just keeps going back to how kind and supportive he was in the beginning. But how that stopped because I wore him down with my issues. 

I feel like it's all my fault. Before I would have said it was his. Now...I'm just defeated. 

And the shit of it all was that after I got that news I wanted to call him. I wanted his support. But I can't because he doesn't care and wouldn't answer anyway. 