I don't really know what to do about this but after I've sat done nothing or just even watched something I feel empty and sad(lonely) I try to get myself excited and start watching NSFW stuff and in the moment I get mixed feelings of enjoyment, disgust and emptyness, afterwards its just pure emptyness and I feel sad about all of this, It makes me emotional and I'm feeling kinda lost I really am just an introvert guy ig and I really don't wanna talk about any of this to my irl people (scared of invalidating or just judgment which i am somehow able to admit online)