I’m a 36 year old, divorced white female, with no children. I have dealt with my mental conditions off and on for years since I was 18. For the past four years, I have been in treatment and on medication for my depression, anxiety, mania (likely Bipolar II or cyclothymia) and ADD/ADHD. I have always suspected that I have BPD as well - my father definitely has it too. I plan on calling tomorrow to make an appointment to see my psychiatrist soon. 

I think at this point, I need a good therapist who is a BPD expert and start going to a support group too. I had a therapist when I was working through my divorce, but I haven’t seen him for several years (he was great but BPD is not his area of expertise). I was doing well handling things in my life until I switched jobs last summer and ended up doing something new that I did not study in college. I was not supported enough by my manager, and I was socially isolated by my toxic co-workers. I eventually was moved onto a performance improvement plan (which luckily I got off). I left that job not quite three months ago but stayed within my company in another role. Work is happier, although my finances took a hit (I knew this would happen). I have not quite recovered from the depth of that depression; it was as bad as prior to when I asked for my ex-husband for a divorce. 

Luckily, I do have a very strong support system in my parents, a few friends, and most importantly, my wonderful boyfriend. We’ve been dating since right before Christmas (before the depression got much worse). He has been so wonderful and we have a great relationship. We fully accept each other and support the other fully. We want to get married someday, and have children. Currently we live five minutes from one another and are planning to move in together next spring.

I am always trying to improve myself. I’m not religious, more spiritual and lean towards Buddhism without beliefs. Friendships have always been difficult for me. I can be fairly social inept and shy. I’m an ambivert - 60% extrovert, 40% introvert. I’m a hard worker, and fairly smart. I love my company and feel a purpose when I go to work everyday. I’m well-liked there, and they have been good to me for the most part.

I think the most damaging thing I have gotten past was my marriage to a man who has Asperger’s. He was controlling (financial abuse) and basically tried to make me into the person he wanted to be. He would not accept my mental issues, did not want me to seek treatment. I became someone else slowly over time. When I reached the point of where I couldn’t suffer any more, I gave him an ultimatum: counseling or divorce. I was not perfect, but I was always more committed to him and the marriage that he ever was. We split amicably and have little to no contact (he lives in Europe, I am in the US). 

I would love to hear from people who have figured things out more to where they are not suffering as much. It would be so easy if life were simple, but it isn’t. I know that I have a hard road ahead of me, but I need to put some serious work in on myself so that I can eventually reach my goals (I have many).