I had an extreme ups and downs this week, starting last weekend that I took almost 20 pills trying to pass out for a few days because I couldn't deal with the world. I went to my parents was a mess there, then came back to my and my boyfriends home and felt like the greatest person in the world and then I met a friend for coffee and then we met a mutual friend from the university that I didn't meet for a long time and I had a panic attack and went hiding in the bathroom trying to tell myself that everything is okay coming back totally shaking. the next day I went to sigh to the university after a year off the exact same panic attack shaking thing and the next day as well in the pharmacy buying hand cream.

And the worst moment of the week, no the second worst - I had A meeting with the state's psychiatrist to decide if I should get help and I was so anxious.

physiatrist: so what happened in 2016?

me: I try to suicide

physiatrist: with some dangerous stuff

me: Yes I take pills.

Phys: and bleach?

me: oh wow yes that was terrible! I forgot about that.

phys: yeap....

me: ....

and then the worst day of the week yesterday that I had a withdrawal from Zyprexa because I forgot to take my dose for two days so I just throw up every few minutes and freaked out about it because I had all the shaking and gained 15 kilos in 2 mounts and feel so bad for not taking pills for 2 days. Now I just don't know what to do about all this week and therapy.