I am not sure if I have BPD or not but I will probably seek out a psychiatrist to get an official diagnosis but a lot of things are starting to click in my head. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, OCD/body dysmorphia in the past. I go to therapy but I currently have put it on hold.

I experience extreme sudden mood swings. Suicidal thoughts/ideation. The urge is so strong sometimes. Sometimes I lie to get attention or make myself seem more interesting. I do think I’m an empathetic person but there are times where I’m extremely self absorbed and can’t feel others pain &amp; other times where I start crying if someone else is crying. I often tell people in my life I’ll kill myself and then ghost for days just to see their reactions/if they care enough. I also have periods where I’ll want to cut people off because they don’t match my energy / I don’t think they love me enough. Sometimes I feel close to them, and other times i just don’t want them in my life anymore. I’m extremely introverted and prefer being alone because I don’t wanna get hurt. I can’t keep jobs. I feel empty all the time. I go back to school, then I drop out after a week. I either binge or starve myself, no in between. I have memory issues these days especially. I can be reckless.

I feel like such a horrible person honestly. I’ve experienced a lot of trauma in my life which could be the reasoning for all of this. I don’t even know who I am &amp; I’m so desperate to figure it out.  I don’t know what to do.