
Does anyone feel like that being at the top is kind of unfullfilling and depressing? It just gets really boring, although it really shouldn't . I mean, it should give you some kind of confidence or serotonin push or whatever. But it really feels kind of empty. 

Even something as stupid as winning in a boardgame/sportsgame becomes really depressing. It just makes me feel really uncomfortable seeing the other person lose. So I just start holding back, but that is like putting up a stupid act. 

I also tend to not talk about similar interests with people because I am mostly better or more informed. It just makes it really dull listening to the same things. It also makes me uncomfortable when the other person is really passionate about something  (let's say drawing) and I am just way better. I see them getting crushed by that fact, somehow getting unmotivated by my accomplishements. I don't want that. I want them to not give up and become better but I feel like I am taking their drive away. 

My only solution I came up with so far is that I put myself into a new set of people who are better than me, so I have some reason to compete  again. I am not enjoying winning the comoetition per se but rather having to improve myself in order to keep up. 

I had an old friend who was some sort of a rival to me. I miss those times when we were constantly challenging ourselves and pushing ourselves to the limit. Now he's got other priorities and I understand that. But still... 

Does anyone feel that way too?