Hi everyone! 

Unfortunately, I (19F) have been diagnosed with anorexia, but happily in recovery. I happened to stumble across this subreddit today and it’s made me very confused....

I feel as if I meet most, but not all of the symptoms associated with BPD. 
Except I am not narcissistic in the slightest. I do not blame people for my actions. I feel it has to do with the fact that the Eating Disorder makes me see everyone in a good light. 
  

I’m upset after reading hundreds of comments telling OP’s to “run like hell” and “get you while you can”. 
I have a strong relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years. I never abuse him verbally or physically. 
What we (i) have trouble with is the fact that I internalize problems. 

Having low self esteem does make me feel like the problem, but I have never been mean to the extent discussed in this sub. 

I have however, been guilty of breaking up with my boyfriend and immediately wanting to take it back. In 3 years, it has happened twice. It happened because I wasn’t feeling “loved enough”. 

I do worry about abandonment and sometimes I let myself overthink my way into a sad episode, but the thought of losing my boyfriend because I was mean and throwing things is beyond me. 

I do find that I regress in stressful situations. When I notice this, I have a DBT workbook for eating disorders that helps a lot and my bf loves to play a nurturing role during this time. 


(Please note: he is not trying to fix me or “heal me”, he just encourages me to be my best self and wants me to know he’s here every step of the way)

Sometimes, my need for validation can be a lot with these symptoms (don’t want to say BPD if I do not have it out of respect), as well as the ED and sometimes it is hard to vocalize without feeling the need to “split” and isolate. 

There are also times I talk myself into thinking my bf can do better but I feel it all boils down to the ED and the weight loss “is never enough”. Thoughts on this? 

Another confusing aspect is the FP. 
I will admit to falling for guys I managed to convince myself I needed in my life, but I truly do love my boyfriend, he is not an obsession. We did long distance for a year and as long as we communicated, I was never jealous about his friends. 

I did however, make me unfollow lewd models, but that seemed to be a common trend among many of my friends and their bfs. 

I feel like I tick most of the boxes and am eligible for the medication, but I do not feel I have a narcissistic side or an aggressive one. 

Reading some of these posts make me feel like no one could be in a happy relationship with me. 
Or that my current one will not last. 

What are your thoughts? 
Any feedback helps a lot. 
Thank you!!