Hello everyone,

I broke up with my recently exBPD Looking back, I'm relieved that I left the relationship. I noticed that our relationship crumbled when I prioritized myself. As a rising senior, I felt constantly pressured and I needed to:

1. Finish my first film that I've dedicated 600+ hours towards creating.
2. Writing a screenplay for my next film.
3. Working on my college essay
4. Deciding whether to major in film or optical engineering.
5. Wanting to spend time with family and friends.

When I dedicated more time towards managing these priorities, she felt frustrated. I understood her concerns and tried my best to addressed them. At times, I would stop working to comfort and support my exBPD. I even planned dates where we would spend the day together.

However, it became too much to handle. Through various voice memos and loved letters, I tried reassuring her that I will balance our relationship with my goals. I tried planning on us to go to the gym. Nevertheless, it became too much.

It became frustrating knowing that anything could trigger her BPD. I was also upset and disanointed that her emotions revolved around me. I wanted her to become independent and focus on herself, but it was impossible.

Whenever our relationship had an issue, I hoped we understood each other's perspectives. It seems that I was understanding her, but she wasn't understand me. When I tried communicating about my concerns, I would feel invalidated and she started calling me names. Pussy. Stupid. Manipulative. Gaslight. Selfish. Gay.

Every time she splitted or vented, I questioned myself and thought I was an awful person. Insecurities about my family, friends, and my film teacher sprouted inside me. And sometimes, I would sacrificed myself for her happiness and pleasure.

Of course, I'm not perfect. And admittingly, I would not comfort her and knowingly lie to her. Yes, while these actions are wrong, I wish she understood her part. I felt so pressured that it would overwhelm me and establishing these boundaries felt impractical.

During our last call, she noticed that I was browsing old picture of us at Snapchat. So I lied because that would be an embarrassing situation. But instead, I got criticized for laying. I got called manipulative. I was told I needed to get help. I was told that breaking up was the best decision I did. Just from over a white lie, everything got blown our of proportion.

When I simply called Ariana Grande pretty, she got upset. When I didn't wanted an appetizer, she called me stingy. When I refused to participated in sexual activity, she called me a coward. When I didn't pay attention, I was called selfish. She criticized my family, my friends, my teacher, and me.

I don't know if this is considered emotional abuse. I need clarification on the whole simulation because I'm aware that BPD is a complicated disorder.