I decided earlier to stop texting everyone and to stop talking where possible. Exceptions for family members when prompted.

I already feel a lot more at peace not having opened my mouth for nearly an hour now. Im just done with this world. I cant be fucked for any social interactions anymore when they all end up being negative for me and I either get hated or fucked over. I would kill myself but at the moment the pain it would inflict on my family would be too much. 

If I dont speak then at least the relationship chaos with others and the negative experiences will stop, if there is no velocity behind it then it will end. And I will be a little more at peace and able to bear my life a little bit better.

I just want to die. I shouldve killed myself when I had the chance in December. I stayed alive for this fucking shit because like a stupid cunt I once again fell for hope over logic and believed people when they said things eventuallh will get better.

I am full of so much hate and anger with this world and the people who have hurt me in the past and continue to do so. I am dismissed and laughed off. Fuck you all. To everyone fuck you. 

Not you people. This is the only place where I feel understood somewhat. 

Heres to no talking. I'm fucking done.