So this may be a bit lengthy, but I'll describe my situation and I'd like to hear what some similar people have done or think about it. I am 20 (male) and I grew up in tiny town surrounded by woods (country boy but not in a racist yee yee way) and went to high school in our local tiny high school. I now live in an even worse tiny town riddled with drugs and homeless, I moved to town B for my job, I work a blue collar (welder) job, and I make great money for my age and location.

   So my whole life I've been kinda socially weird. Not like a complete outcast, I've had friends and groups of friends at times. But I don't do well making new friends or forming meaningful connections with people. I'm just kinda awkward in the worst way. 
   
   When I was in high school, I always had at least 1-2 friends. And I dated the same girl from beginning of high school up until a year or so after graduating. We lived together for a few months when I moved to town B. Eventually we broke up and I got over her, which is not where my problem is. I dated the same girl for all those years and I honestly have no idea how to get another girl or even meet girls. I never talked to more girls than her, so I have like no experience being single.

   I live by myself in a shitty apartment, in a shitty town. I work my ass off and make money. But it all feels so pointless. I literally have 0 friends. If I needed help doing something I would have to hire someone. I don't talk to anyone. Most of the people who used to be friends dislike me now as do most of the people I went to school with. I have 0 friends and 0 girls that I talk to and I'm to awkward and weird to meet people and I have tried for years to change that.

   I've been considering joining the military to get out of here and force myself into new things and a new life. Military had always been an interest anyway. 

   If you were me, what would you do? Because I'm honestly just so fucking tired of being so alone. So sad. Hopeless. 
  
    Keep in mind I'm really a pretty cool guy, even have halfway decent looks and in great shape. just awkward as hell with meeting new people, and another problem I have always had, I have a pretty noticable speech impediment. Which I have never let affect me mentally, but it shows that people automatically notice it and judge me by it. 


  I feel ungrateful because my life isn't all that bad compared to most. But I'm just so tired of it all man I literally have no one. Friends, relationships. I have no one to talk to anymore. I have been considering unaliving. But my relatively small family would be heartbroken and I can't put them through that. Lately I've been taking risks and calling off work and making  dumb decisions because it's getting harder and harder to give a shit about my meaningless existence. I hate it all. Everything about my life. It's just all so tiring and lonely and I honestly don't see a point anymore