Does living with bpd get easier? I notice I can control it better with age, but the mood swings and suicidal thoughts are so much more severe. I hate myself. I hate living like this. I would rather die than have to wake up everyday not knowing how I’m going to be. I feel like I’m going to be alone forever because relationship triggers are the hardest on me and I push everyone away. I am a great partner. But when I’m triggered I don’t recognize myself. Everyone discredits how loving and caring I am because of my outburst which is only when I’m triggered. It’s not fair but I also can’t force anyone to want me. I’m so overwhelmed in my life I’m just trying to find a reason to not overdose in my bathtub right now. I am capable of love and being loved. I just want someone to stay with me.