Honestly fuck my life. Growing up, I was the shy autistic kid everyone puts aside. The girls would laugh at me and the guys talked shit about my physical appearance. I had a big ass for a guy and I was shy.

When I was 16 I decided to start jogging and taking boxing classes. I was tired of being bullied and not defending myself. I quickly got pretty good, it became my 16 year old self's life goal to express my anger. I could suddenly fight back, I had more confidence. I also had a more athletic body which raised my confidence 200%

The girls who'd make fun of me now see me as their equal. Two even proposed to me this year. Recently I confronted my childhood bully and beat the shit out of him in front of my whole school. He's a miserable weed addict whose mother is known for selling herself around. He started teasing me. I made his nose bleed and was choking him when an adult separated us. I had a nervous breakdown. I went home crying, I was full of rage.

I'm diagnosed with depression and c-ptsd. The lack of love and the hostility I got from others at an age where my brain was still developping fucked me up. I hate my parents for how they were never there for me. I hate these people who only started seeing me as a human being now that I stand up for myself. 

I wish I wasn't in this violent environment. I wish I was born to a family that made me know I'm enough. I'm lonely and beating people's ass isn't gonna solve shit. I'm tired of being angry, violent and hurt. 

The real me is gone. I was once this hopeful, autistic child who enjoyed himself until others ruin it for me. Now I don't even have an identity of my own. I was never given a place to grow. To be myself, to feel authentic. Everything in my life is a struggle and a condition. 

My truth is that I'm bisexual and have a special interest for music. I've always dreamed of being a theatre kid. The memories I cherish most are those of younger me locking himself in his room and learning foreign languages because that was my other interest. My depression took all that away and made me into this frustrated monster who will never be happy.