Withdrawal of intimacy, but I still love him. How to discuss a final time with a man with potential bpd

Withdrawal of intimacy, how do I speak about this a final time before breaking up? I still love him so it is so hard...

So confused... lacking in physical intimacy (kissing!) but not sex ... 44m/ 42 f

Does this go here? I’m so confused by lack of physical intimacy....


We met 8 months ago and by date 3 he wanted to define the relationship and establish that we were both not heading toward a hookup only, then date 4 he wanted exclusivity and a month in he told me he loved me. He told me he had never loved a woman before, had me meet his mom and she corroborated this. It’s somewhat cultural for him so we are dealing with that.


By month 4 he said he wanted to get engaged in the future and asked my entire family to accept him in this manner. He has only told me he loves me a handful of times, he does not like to say it.

At the beginning he kissed all the time, every night he would want a massage and sometimes reciprocate.  He would hug and kiss and be physically affectionate in public and private, introduced me to his family and inclusive , also spend a lot of time w his friends. 

Slowly he began pulling away from kisses, I got sick in February but it had started before that time as I remember bought a new mouthwash in December when he was talking marriage. I know he is insecure about his teeth and breath, and sometimes hides his mouth under the covers

We had sex eye to eye at the beginning but he started pulling away from sex kissing. Now he closes his eyes and does not look or kiss me even in foreplay. He is physically very intimate and will finger me but will not go down on me except  we 69ed twice In the beginning. I take 2-3 showers a day! He is passionate with his body and touches me all over during sex but no kissing or looking.

I have asked him about kissing many times (now it’s daytime cuddling too) and he turns a cheek or pulls away and jokes about covid. sorry that’s lame. I did break up with him 2 weeks ago and he invited me back into his life with a kiss on the lips but that was two weeks ago. We have been fighting a lot as the quarantine is making us both ansy

Interestingly he will not have any make up sex, he will hold out for a few days. He will not have any physical contact at all if things are not peaceful during the day. So I don’t think he’s just using me for sex. But the kissing concerns me greatly.

I know I should probably leave him. This is hard because of covid quarantine and loneliness and isolation.

We have been having sex 2-3 times a week. Lately he has been glued to his phone and looking at it after sex. But he will eventually put it down and cuddle during the night, he likes to hold me face to face or spoon or have a foot touch. He has been playing on social media and news all the time during the day.  

He does have a lot of personal family issues that are demanding his attention. I noticed him not wanting to sit next to me for tv once and we had a big argument and he said that he does not feel physically affectionate when he has stuff on his mind and I need to stop taking it personally.

What is going on here? There are alcohol problems as well so I should probably just give up. It’s hard.