**Background**

I’ve been suffering from anxiety since I can remember (I’m 24, male and gay as fuck). My coping strategies have been flaking/removing myself from situations in a rushed attempt to control any physical symptoms I get, and let me tell you I get ALL of them. This is my story over the last year of trying to sort my damn life out, and I hope it’ll help some of y’all &lt;3

**CBT and why it didn’t work**

I tried LOADS of CBT apps and guides, and none of them worked. I was getting extremely frustrated with this when I realised that these apps *assume you think in a specific way*.

The CBT focus on **reframing thoughts** (ie “I’m not good enough, this will go wrong etc”) wasn’t working for me and would never work for me because **my anxiety isn’t framed like this in my mind!**

My anxiety is over the fear of unknown situations and not being in control. I never had any of these self defeating thoughts, rather I have a ‘cloud of worry’ and heavy physical symptoms. I also think this wasn’t working as I was trying to use these tools as a ‘quick fix’ to remove my physical symptoms, something I used to do by removing myself from anxiety causing situations entirely.

**Stoicism**

It was around this time that I started reading around Stoicism and The Dichotomy of Control. Without sounding like a boring old history teacher, this is a way of thinking that there are two ‘buckets’ you can sort your worries into - things you can control and things you can’t control. I use this when I start to feel the anxiety creeping up. I say to myself:

&gt;I am worried about X. X is [under/not under] my control. Therefore, [I shall work out how to deal with it/it is none of my concern]

Once I have sorted my thoughts into ‘buckets’, anything I can control over I have to plan (eg. I’m worried about missing the bus, therefore I shall set an alarm 10 minutes before I have to leave to make sure I get there on time). For the other thoughts, I just like to imagine them popping like a bubble after they surface in my mind (although you could imagine yourself throwing them off a cliff - whatever works).

**Putting it into practice**

I just managed to get myself a job!!! (younger me would cringe at having an office job, and I say to him “you’ll learn to love stable employment and flexible hours henny”). Honestly without this coping strategy I would have 110% bailed on my first day, there have been loads of situations where I have felt like “oh I could just not go and my anxiety would go away!” But then I practice the thought exercise, and while my anxieties don’t disappear (and I don’t think they will), they turn into a low hum rather than an all-consuming fire. It’s been incredible, and I keep reflecting on my days knowing that I’m actually dealing with unknown situations and not running away. It’s been life changing.

I hope this helps some of you &lt;3

TLDR: Suffering with anxiety for years. Tried CBT and it didn’t work. Realised this was because my anxious thoughts weren’t self defeating, just pure fear of unknown and not being in control. Used the ‘dichotomy of control’ to filter my worries. Started a new job and it’s WORKING!