sorry for crappy english, not my main language. Also sorry for weird formating, I'm on mobile. 

hi there, I'm 19F recently diagnosed with BPD and currently on medication/waiting to return to therapy this Friday. 
long-story-short;
 I have always felt as if I have fallen behind for every single thing all of my peers could do, friendship, romantic relationships, school achievement, etc (only to realize I was and did not infact experience life like most of them), I lacked a support system as I grew up, always knowing in the back of my mind I wasn't unconditionally loved, which I greatly believe was most if not a big part of what fucked me up. 

 I have all the impulsiveness, as a teen I was known (small town) for sleeping around, having a pierced face, colored hair that changed every week, and doing drugs. As an adult I take reckless decisions even if I have mostly stopped doing drugs/unsafe sex/sh by piercing myself.

 I have to start college next year (also as a 20 year old, slightly older than what most of my course will be, I guess) and not only have I yet not figured out what to major in, I'm just wondering if it's worthy. I have never been able to hold down a job, I would go in drug binges and miss a whole week of work, and ofcourse that would get me fired. Or I would simply be too miserable to even feed myself for a week, fully believing I would off myself eventually so I would simply not show up. It was a cycle for a while. 

Do people stay out of it permanently?

Are there people who are well into their 40s/50s who have gotten treatment? are you guys better? do you really *learn* that people can love you? do you still take medication? I have so many questions and yet I feel like I could never ask enough of them. I want some hope that I can feel like everyone else even if it takes some work, even if sometimes I feel like i really can't do it anymore.

TLDR; do we ever *really* get better?