A couple of years ago I think I believed I was part of a close knit group of friends. I'd get pretty anxious but I didn't feel out of place. Mostly even mix of genders, though I guess more boys than women. I (F) tended to get along with the men more as we had shared interests (mostly gaming).

I can't even imagine feeling comfortable around some of these people anymore. A couple of these friends (M) have completely abandoned me due to the state of my mental health; I definitely split a bit and would get super insecure about whether or not I mattered. That being said, I do not feel my behaviour warranted being dropped so suddenly, it was mostly them just getting annoyed any time I asked them to explain a behaviour that upset me. I should add that my therapist had actually advised that I try to amp up communication in an effort to feel more secure... clearly that backfired.

It feels like it's kind of a boys club, they are completely incapable of calling each other on their bullshit. Whenever there is a conflict between a man and a woman they side with the men, make excuses for them, say the women are overreacting. Despite one of those friends who abandoned me doing so without explaining himself, I have been told that I need to be more understanding which baffles me. How can I owe someone understanding who won't try to help me understand? How much understanding are they showing towards me through those comments and unwillingness to have my back? How can people who apparently give a shit about me condone such a huge betrayal?

Some of the boys will say "Oh yeah, &lt;insert name&gt; is a complete jerk" but they'll still hang out like best buds and never call each other on anything. 

My therapist has suggested that I just cut them out but I'm so weak. There is a huge part of me that just wants things to go back to how things were but deep down I don't think they're the people I thought they were. I don't think anyone will care or even notice if I stop talking to them, I think everyone will be happier for it.

It's messy too, I have a bunch of mutual friends with them and have known some of these boys for a decade. Has anyone been in a similar situation before? Any advice? I don't think I'm strong enough to give up on them even though trying is making me miserable.