I'm new to reddit and this forum, though I've been diagnosed with Bipolar2 and started taking meds in 1999. I'm 54(f). 

I want to talk about something that may be not okay here, let me know. I had trouble trying to figure out which Flair to use.

Every time one of these public/school shootings happens, I sit and watch and cry. I wonder what would happen if there was a gun in my house. I think of the many times I've been terribly depressed, and wonder if I would use a gun if I had one readily available. The thought is kind of scary and yet horrifyingly tantalizing.

I can't stop crying watching these poor people at this school. I know myself well enough to know I should never be around guns. When these things happen, people talk about mental illness being "part of the problem" but then they don't do anything about it, don't do anything to reach out to those who need it the most.

I'm no danger to anyone, just wanted to be able to talk about this with like-minded folk. I would appreciate the thoughts of others, and thank you for your understanding.