 

I've been dating a girl with BPD for a year now and it's been really fantastic and I'd feel like sharing my story here, because I've just posted this in another sub for advice (I got scared after reading that sub) and I lost my hope even more. This is what I posted:

I live in a dorm with 17 people and I've dated a girl (who was also my roommate) with BPD before and that was a living hell (undiagnosed because she was in denial ofcourse, but she was BPD 2.0) . Matches all the stories on here and eventually I broke up with her and it has been the best decision of my life. I also promised myself to never date another BPD.

Well, my promise didn't last long because I fell for another girl, who was also my roommate (horrible right), and I fell hard. She now is my girlfriend, we still live in the same house (with 15 other people) and my ex moved which was the best news of 2020.

Ofcourse, it seems like the worst decision ever since my crazy ex was still living around us ánd my new gf also had BPD, but somehow it passed by without any drama and the ex is gone now, so I am one lucky guy. Anyway, I'd really like to share my point of view on my girlfriend, since it's not at all like all the stories in this sub.

So my girlfriend, let's call her Jenny, has been diagnosed with BPD for a few years now. She had ofcourse a horrible past and she also suffer from a few health problems (for real, I've met her doctors and all) and she has also the shittiest parents ever (I've met them, they are the worst). First we were just roommates and became friends pretty soon because we got along well and she was interesting and intelligent. But because I was very insecure and never had dates and all that, I fell for my cray ex because she gave me so much positive attention and I was blind and stupid. Jenny was actually the one who came up to me and said 'hey dude, the way she treats you is horrible, gtfo!'. So after months of doubting I finally broke up with my ex.

Me and Jenny somehow became even better friends and I fell in love with her. And gosh I needed to give it my best, because she didn't want more with me for a few months, but after trying and trying she finally fell for me aswell and we've been together since then.

Now ofcourse I was a bit nervous, because she warned me many times on her BPD. She kept asking me things like 'are you sure, because I'm unstable and I have a lot of problems and I'm hard to deal with, etc.' I took those warnings very serious, but I had deciceded I wanted to be with her, because it just felt really good this time. 1 year later and it still feels really good.

The thing about Jenny is that she's very self aware. She went to therapy before and she never stopped learning about herself and BPD behaviour. She knows when she's being irrational and she knows what to do without making me feel like shit. She does anything she can to avoid being manipulative. She never blamed me for her own actions, she never comes up with the 'I can't do anything about it excuse'. Whenever there's a bit of tension between us she handles it on her own and is only willing to talk to me about it after she calmed down (to avoid a big argument over small things). Literally the only thing she asks me is to follow a few 'rules' we've set, which is like 0% effort to me. Also she thanks me a lot for doing that for her, which I really appreciate even though it's an easy job for me.

The past days she's been in a mental hospital because her health got worse and she just lost it (which she got her herself, because she noticed things were getting worse - she also got herself asap on the waiting list for therapy). Even though she is in a lot of pain right now, she still texts me daily to check on me and to ask about my 'small problems'. I mean it when I say I've never met someone so caring. In all these stories I keep reading about them being selfish, and I've seen it with my ex, but Jenny is the opposite of that. There's always time, space and room for my life.

Ofcourse, I can see the struggles. I can see how hard she has to work on functioning like a normal, decent person. I can see that being in a relationship is hard for her and that she really needs to look after herself and her brain to keep it working. But, to me there's no doubt she's not willing. To me there's no doubt she will ever become a psycho girlfriend, because she obviously works hard and is very self aware but most importantly: she never ever treats me like shit. I'd like to quote her here: 'I'm not gonna give up just because other people fucked with my brain.'

I'd also want to emphasize that she supports me in literally everything. I used to be a very lazy, lonely, insecure stoner guy who had no goal in life. Nowadays I'm working my way up to becoming an IT guy, I live healthier, I've got into a better relationship with my parents, I've grown some self confidence and.. I've honestly never been so happy in my life.

At first I came to this sub because I'd like to know some advice on how to support her while she feels bad. I'm very aware that I can't fix her, but well. Everyone needs support and I'd love to give it to her. But then I came here and got scared as fuck to be honest. Is this too good to be true? Will she become crazy in a few years and drive me crazy aswell? Do I need to end it now before things get bad, just to be sure? I'd really like some advice on this, since you've all been dealing with people with BPD and I wonder if this is really an unique, but possible exception or if I'm just blind.

Well I got no good answers at all, and I was at shock first. Later on I felt the need to defend my girlfriend (which made me realise she's pretty fine) and someone mentioned people got big bias on that sub. So that's why I came to this sub: I 'd like to read another point of view.

TLDR: my gf has BPD, she is very amazing and I think she's different because she takes words into action and she is very self aware. I was scared this might be too good to be true and posted in another sub &gt; I need another point of view.