So I spend most of my life being the good person because I know how much it sucks to feel like crap. I allow for other peoples feelings (probably too much) and because of that, I’m a big people pleaser and I probably take a lot of crap from people when I should speak up for myself and I want I want. 

My friends have been dating for a year and they just got engaged. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and we’ve only just started discussing getting engaged. 
When they called us to tell us, I did the usual thing and said congratulations with a huge smile on my face but as soon as I hung up, I burst into tears. 
I want that so so badly. Now I feel like it can’t happen for me for x amount of time because I’d be stealing their thunder. I feel embarrassed because it still hasn’t happened for my partner and I. I feel like I can’t be upset about it because that somehow makes me a bad person.
I have to sit and make myself feel better by telling myself “it’s just a ring, it doesn’t guarantee a happy ending anyway, it doesn’t really matter, you’re fine”. It’s pathetic. I want this so badly and I just have to contain it so I don’t explode in a weepy mess. 

I can’t wait to have this thrown in my face for the next 6 months. Yippee. Back to my tub of ice cream.