everything seems pointless, I’m even struggling to complete the little daily tasks that should just be done automatically. I think about the future and it doesn’t motivate me at all, I’m sick of existing and having these little motivational bursts that make me want to put my life together; only to be overwhelmed by the functionality I’d have to have to actually perform. The only way I seem to get away from these suicidal thoughts is to binge watch a feel good tv show until my mind has completely numbed out. Sleeping works as a coping mechanism too, but I struggle falling asleep and eventually I’m forced to get out of bed due to those annoying hunger pangs. I also struggle with the classic binge eating disorder followed by restriction/purging/excessive exercise. Sick of existing and dealing with my disordered thoughts and lack of motivation. I’m not being treated, could use some Clotiazepam right about now, I guess. Just needed to vent, don’t wanna worry my boyfriend so I thought I should post this here. Just had an awful uncontrollable crying spell. Peace out. 

Not a native English speaker, I apologize for any grammatical mistakes.