I feel completely worthless and alone, I realize why my crush ( who's also an ex of mine ) is not writing me everyday anymore. Why would she do that? The only thing I can give her is my attention and maybe my body, everything else about me is so fucked up it's unreal. I'm a fucking loser. 

Even an other girl I'm fucking is making me feel useless without even realizing.
Planning on no vacation this year, noone to go with on a trip, lazily searching for a job, wasting my life.

All my negative energies get focused on my dreamed romantic relations when I need to fix so much other stuff before, but I really crave the feeling of being loved / searched / desired by someone who I like