Bro I'm steel in the same  spot as before,  just balling myself  up like pieces of paper. Too stupid  to know when something  better is starting  me in my face , begging for me to take the opportunity for something healthy and new . Just too dam sentimental , validating any issues and mis steps as minor 😑  when they consist throw my world into chaos. Truth is I hate myself  for everything that I've lost and feel like punishment should be to wonder in this fog until I magically just wake tf up out of it , and I know that won't come true, scared to ove anymore cause negative  effects of the pass left me with no desire  or hope , shit mf in these chat front even get me but I shrug it off and press on with no means  of answering  the questions  that plague me, literally  just rotting  from the inside out, I don't wish  to spread  damage  or hurt or may I do. Just  to leave some kind of hurt behind in protest  of what was done to me. I have moments  where I rejoice  in the thought of watching the whole world burn to the ground, but I'm to defeated to strike a match. I envy  those who can return the hurt to those who've disrespected  them, or hurt or just disturbing them. Its just not in me , honestly  just fee like a good person  trying  to the little  bit of me that I have left.