Somebody posted about being a parent with BPD. I know how tough it is and how we always question ourselves as parents. So here are my rules to being a good BPD parent. There must be more, but these are what came in my mind right now. Want to add something or challenge something? Lets discuss. :)

1) ALWAYS try your best to remember that the child does NOTHING out of spite, because they dislike you, just to annoy/hurt you, or because they truly think you are bad. Children are meant to challenge you. Try not to let it trigger you.

2) NEVER EVER tell your child how bad you are. They will only learn they are bad too. Apologize your behaviour, try to explain it but never explain it with "mommy/daddy is so bad that she did this." A child sees themselves as half mom, half dad. If you berate either, you directly berate the child, no exceptions.

3) Praise your child as much as you can. If you have put them down somehow, this at least might help to not put them down forever.

4) A child ALWAYS loves you unconditionally. You ARE worthy of their love, no matter what. Trust this.

5) If you ever find yourself hitting, abusing or other way harming your child, be a grownup and SEEK HELP immediately. It is the only right thing to do. If you find yourself constantly tired, snapping and not being able to control yourself properly, SEEK HELP. The CPS, your friends, the father, your relatives, anyone is good. The worse the situation, the easier go to the CPS.

6) Understand that no matter how well you do, there is always a possibility they will get something. Accept this as a fact, not as a failure. No child grows up unharmed, there is always something. You can still minimize what comes because of you.

7) Stay away from noise. Noise is what makes it very easy to split. If a child starts yelling or you have to yell and you feel it triggering you, back away. It is ALWAYS ok to back away. A child can stand half a minute of crying. Don't stay away, come back, but it is perfectly ok to step out, breath, remind yourself this temper tantrum/hurt/booboo/whatever is NOT because you are bad or inadequate: it happens because they are a child. They are supposed to be like that.

8) And foremost, you HAVE to, HAVE to, HAVE to start taking care of youself. Take time for YOU. Draw, sing, exersize, go out with friends, take a bubble bath, eat better, go on a holiday if possible, what ever makes you feel even a tiny bit better. It will ONLY make you a better parent. A parent is NOT supposed to be there always for the child. A parent is NOT supposed to sacrifize their whole life for a child. You are supposed to be a wholesome unit with them, a unit that can disassemble at times and then you come back together as a whole later again. And to be a good parent you need to start loving youself.