I guess this is a bit of a rant / "oh my god, does this happen to anyone else?"

26 YO Female for clarification

I've been on Zoloft for a few weeks. I've been having issues sleeping, eating, etc and thought I was sick. Went to the doctor and found out it was really bad depression, which I've always had that, but I never notice when it gets "bad". Both my grandmother and cat died within a week of each other a couple of months ago, which is what I assume started this and sent me into a spiral.

Started taking the Zoloft, and it sent me into manic episodes (which I've read is common). Intrusive thoughts, voices, wanting to spend money, etc. It didn't make me want to eat, and made me lose sense of time. Like I'd go into an eight hour work day, and I'd be clocking out sometimes with not remembering getting through the day. I've always assumed "bipolar" but never went to a doctor because I was embarrassed and I was scared they'd put me in an institution. Called my doctor back and told them and they're wanting to see me / refer me to a specialist to get medicated etc.

I've always been very impulsive. Tried to join the Army and quit literally while I was in basic training. Tried to go to a college and went back home after first semester. Shaved my head - twice. Tattoos, piercings, cocaine use. Loads of sex. Like sleeping with 30+ men in a span of a few months. Quit several different jobs. Randomly sold my car and went to a dealership and bought a new one. I've spent a ton of money on hotels, drugs, shopping, etc and then when I'm out of the episode I'm broke and have no money for bills.  Racked up nearly $20,000 on credit cards. Just a bunch of stuff that slowly started adding up to me, that I would recognize as not normal.

I began to recognize before I would have an episode. I would/will feel super elated, happy, almost like I've done cocaine. Very high and euphoric. Looking at myself in the mirror a lot, wanting to go out and talk to people, talking people's ears off, jumping ideas etc. I would recognize the signs and force myself into my house if possible so I wouldn't be out spending money and screwing around.

Normally I've felt introverted, hate going out, and like just staying in and reading. When I didn't feel like that, I knew something was up.

I feel like so many of my metal issues went undiagnosed because nobody took me seriously. Even when I was young I knew I had depression / anxiety. Something wasn't right. You just KNOW. I'd try explaining this to my parents and it was "everyone feels like that!" "Go take a walk! Read a book!".

I grew up with what I suspect was a narcist mother, which didn't/doesn't help.

Even now when I'm in an episode and I'm super impulsive I try to talk to my mom about it, and give her a heads up like "hey, I can feel one coming on. Please stop me from overspending on stuff I don't need". She will say something like "I just don't buy things I know I can't afford". Like it's that easy! When I'm manic I don't care / I don't even know. I'm not even aware of what I'm doing.

I feel so misunderstood. It's so difficult going through this diagnoses because it's scary to me, and my whole time growing up it was basically "lol you're dramatic just stop", so invalidating. I know I shouldn't listen to people, but when it's your family and you're already scared, it's just so aggrevating.