I’m 19F and have been majorly depressed for almost 3 years now. Lost my late teens to it all. I have no friends, no relationships. I dropped out of high school. I pretty much haven’t been functioning this whole time. I’ve finally reached a point where I’ve had enough. I want to start taking care of myself. I want to heal. I am just now seeking therapy and medication. 

With this shift I’ve suddenly felt really hedonistic. I only want to experience all the pleasure I’ve missed out on. I don’t want to work, I don’t want to study, I don’t want to invest in any long term goal. I just want to love and be loved, reconnect with feeling joy. Sounds cheesy but I genuinely don’t remember what it feels like. Like I just want an intense pleasure bender. sex, relationships, parties, anything that makes me feel reckless and young and free. In a strange way I feel like this would make up for lost time and would help heal my inner child. Is this strange? Is this manic? Is it ‘normal’ to feel this way when waking up and starting your healing journey? or is this destructive?