After seeing [the post that is now pinned to the front page](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/e3eytd/i_got_told_i_dont_meet_the_criteria_for_bpd) (written by u/iam-paigewolf), it made me think about how I reacted when my ex decided he wanted to get a divorce (in early May). 

At first, I was desperate to keep him around, but I knew better than to 'disrespect' the choice he made. My last ditch effort was to beg him to reconsider, because this was a marriage, it wasn't just a break-up. But even after belittling myself and scrapping my dignity, he still said no, and that was how I knew I needed to face this head-on as it was.

I couldn't avoid it. I had to face it and accept it. I was tired of the way he had started to treat me (post asking for divorce), so I did what I could to protect myself and quit communicating with him for two months (around late May). Because he hadn't started the divorce process yet, after those two months, I finally reached out rather justifiably angry, and told him to pull up his big boy pants and do what he said he was going to do.

I spent most of the summer months laying in bed crying. There was not a day that went by that I did not cry-- I cried even on my birthday. This lasted for a solid 3 months before I finally snapped out of it and decided I needed to kick it into high gear to take better care of myself. My mourning period, my wallowing period, my "feel my feelings" period-- it had ended. I needed to finally move on to a new stage of recovery, even though it still hurt, because at this point I knew I would just be ruminating and hurting myself even more. 

So when I finally snapped back into my humanity, I found new hobbies, I got 2 jobs, I made money, I treated myself well, I stayed active. I did everything I could to channel my pain in healthy ways. I decided to stop talking to him, again (his birthday is Monday-- it'll have been 4 months No Contact on that day). 

All I can tell myself is that if he wanted me in his life, he'd make the effort to keep me in it. And I have to accept that he's gone, he's not coming back, and I'm going to be okay. I don't need him, I will be fine, maybe even *better* without him. I'm proud of it, myself, and the progress I've made. He's lost out on watching me blossom into a better version of myself. I still have work to do, but he's gone, and I'm not doing this for his audience.

I share this not to document simply the recovery from this situation, but as a pwBPD reacting in new ways that are arguably more healthy than in past situations. I wanted to preserve my dignity, preserve the image of who I am in his eyes, and I wanted to preserve what little respect he had left for me. That meant respecting myself, too. 

When I was younger, I did everything I could to keep people around. Whether or not those relationships were unhealthy or abusive, I didn't care; I didn't want *anybody* to leave. I was manipulative, verbally and emotionally abusive, and I threatened to hurt myself (even doing it just to say I did it). I was incapable of handling people leaving. 

I did a lot of damage to the people around me and myself. I didn't have anyone's respect. I burned a lot of bridges acting this way. But in this current situation, I have been determined not to repeat these patterns. I wanted to prove to myself that I am capable of changing and of being better, not only for/to myself, but for/to others. 

I hope that with the sharing of these "success stories", more people will feel encouraged to keep going and maybe others will feel inclined to share their success stories, too! So let's keep it up. 

## Y'all have got this. 🥰💖