I feel so alone. I spent my whole life feeling like I don't belong , and I'm so tired of having to adapt. I've been hurt by other people my whole life, looked down on, used and abused. I ' ve been taught to shut up and I always felt like a burden to everyone. I was born with adhd and now I have cptsd, unipolar and anxiety, and I want to give up but I can't, because last time I tried, I was punished for it and if I miss again I don't want to go through that again. But most of all, I can't talk to anybody about that. Everytime I try to open up about my struggles, it just gives me more reasons to leave. I'm tired of people telling me that life is worth living, I'm tired of people telling "it sucks it happened but you have to accept it and move on". I'm tired of people telling me to try to find the silver lining. I'm so mad I want to scream all the time but I can't because the moment I wake up I feel out of breath. I'm tired of pretending than I'm fine to keep other people comfortable. I'm tired of people telling me that if I believe in myself hard enough I will be to move on and be happy. I'm tired of people telling me that they were able to get through a bad phase so I can too. And I'm SO FUCKING TIRED of people telling that I'm wrong when I try to explain that I might not ever feel true happiness again and that I'm just being negative. I wish when I talk to someone, the persom would just listen to me, and be mad and sad with me. I don't want to hear anymore pieces of advice or opinions. I wish they would recognize that I'm going through hell and that not everything has a silver lining. I wish I would just never wake up because I don't see the point of fighting to survive in a world that feels uncomfortable by my experience and would rather force me to move and shut up about it. I hate to be a woman in a world that hates woman. I'm tired of people feeling entitled to my body.  Why don't they just let me go. I feel like no one truly cares about me. I'm just gonna step away from everything until I can go. I don't want to have friends anymore. I don't want a family either. I just want to be alone. But the loneliness is killing me. I don't want to be strong anymore. Life isn't beautiful for everyone and I wish everyome woild be able to admit that. Stop trying to change me and prove me wrong so I can fit your version of reality.