I’ve recently been assessing my behaviour and looking a lot into it, and it’s making me question whether BPD is my only personality disorder or if this is a part of it, I’m going to arrange an appointment with a psychiatrist to have an assessment but in the meantime, do you find that you can be manipulative? 

Whenever I’m backed into a corner, provoked, threatened, exposed, insulted or hurt I turn on the manipulation techniques it’s like a switch in my head goes off and I can’t stop myself acting on it, when it does I look for ways to twist it around and turn it back on them and make myself the victim to get them to stop what they’re doing, I can talk/cry my way out of pretty much any situation with this. My ‘persona’ is manipulative, when I’m around people I don’t trust entirely (that can include people close to me who I don’t trust 100% because of either red flags or past events) I put on this persona so that they underestimate me, I don’t like being underestimated but it’s SAFE to me, because in my mind then if they hurt me (which I anticipate if I feel the need use this ‘persona’) they don’t know what’s going to hit them because they’re not expecting it from me and they don’t know my capabilities because of how I present myself, to some people I have admitted this and they still don’t believe it, that’s how deep the manipulation has gone. I don’t want to be this person, I don’t want to feel like manipulation is the only way to keep myself from getting hurt or getting my own way. I refer to it as a persona because it’s not what I’m like on a daily basis, it’s ONLY when I’m in any of the situations I’ve mentioned and because I use it as protection it feels like a persona.

I’m NOT proud of this at all, I don’t want to be manipulative which is why I am going to have another assessment to help tackle it. I just wondered if anyone else has experience with anything similar?