When I’m not working all I do is sleep. Paralyzed of even leaving my house to do things. I used to go to the gym, walk in nature, go out to eat. Things used to mean something to me and now I’m just stuck in place. I know all I have to do is “get up and do something” but feeling paralyzed is a real thing. I’m so depressed, feel so insurmountably alone and just feel empty. I feel like nobody will ever love me, because everytime I love someone I either get rejected or fear the rejection so much I shut down and sabotage anything from even happening in the first place. I feel so fucked up. There was a time where I was convinced to change these thinking patterns and ingrained responses. But it’s too much. The work never fucking stops and I’m so tired. So sick of having to fight so hard for a mediocre at best life. 

I’m not trying to play victim. I’m just tired and have nobody to talk to about this