How do you all feel about exes?

One night, Dec 2013, the ex who had choked and hit and scared me numerous times, wrote to me around 4am. An email. It was a drunken one, coke-fueled no doubt, as we were wont to do for years together. I had completed rehab, I was at my mom's house for the holidays and figuring out next steps.

I opened it, I couldn't believe he was contacting me. He was AMAZING with no contact -- about 9 months of it.

"From: XXX..." I dropped to the floor. I was so happy. I was so elated. I shook, like I shake when I think of my just-now-ex-BF these last few days. I wept with that awful hollow sound. I shook and cried and howled, NOW?! Now you want me. Want to see me, miss me, he talked ad nauseum about what he missed specifics like: my neck, how I moved, how he can't get off as good thinking of anyone else.. He apologized. 

I lied and told everyone I wasn't happy to receive it. Maybe vindicated a tad, but hated him still. A lie.

We must be a rare breed, then, if all my exes always come back one time or another. For our passion, our love, our intensity? I always considered myself born from a different time, when hysteria and intensity were traits almost marveled at: some old time before they'd lock you away forever but after they'd burn you alive at a stake. That middle ground where you could have these quirks and Romantic ideals and still be human, nay, even respected, maybe from a distance.

Does anyone else have that feeling? Their exes always rear their heads, the ones that could get you a bit, they always seem to pop in. Needing your fan to ignite their flame, or needing something to spark them up.

I conclude, there must be something desirable in us, my fellow soldiers. There must be. We must have a lot to offer to the normals, to the ones who will never feel what we feel, to those who fear us and those who dream of us. We're mystics, we're one step above. We feel for those who cannot.

And we hurt, and we hurt ourselves, when others cannot see just what really exists for US where we are.