Hey all.

I've had severe anxiety and mood disorders for most of my adult life. I was hospitalized twice in my early twenties, prescribed antidepressants twice, which I never took, and was in and out of brief stints of therapy that I never put much effort into.

About three weeks ago I had a massive anxiety/panic attack that led to waves of anxiety attacks that basically did not end. Ended up in the hospital again. Couldn't eat, sleep or go out. Basically non-functional. So I holed up at my parents (since they can feed me) and bit the bullet and got a therapist I am serious about sticking with, and two psychiatrists who are managing my medication.

However, starting the meds freaks me out. Its' why I didn't do it the first two times. Im mainly worried about the side effects, and that they won't work and I'll be stuck in a doom-loop of anxiety and pharma-induced side effects. That I'll never be happy ever again.

Anyway, I was prescribed 10mg lexapro out of the hospital with a script for klonopin to deal with the anxiety as it starts to work. I know these things take time. The first 10mg lexapro hit me hard, and I didn't take another for like three days because the medication scared me. I called my psychiatrist again, and he said to start at 5mg and work up to 10mg after two weeks. I'm currently at day 6 of 5mg lexapro. Yesterday was a really good day, and I was pretty positive but I had a bad bout of anxiety this morning which has me concerned and discouraged. The side effects were mainly anxiety/nausea related but I have that from the GAD anyway so I don't know if it was the pills or not. I had been taking 0.25mg klonopin once in the morning and once before bed for about four days, now I'm down to taking just the 0.25mg in the morning to deal with the horrible morning anxiety.

I feel... better than when I started? But I'm not sure that isn't just the klonopin. I can say that I am getting going each morning sooner. I can be showered and ready to do something by 9am whereas before I'd be wiped out until maybe the afternoon. I'm also eating more (although I still have to force myself and I don't really have any appetite).

My concerns are:

a. How should I manage the klonopin? I'm seriously worried about this stuff (anxiety over anxiety meds, go figure) being addictive. I'm down to 0.25mg/day and its only been about a week. I'm hoping I  can go without entirely in the next few days but I'm worried about withdrawal symptoms. Psychiatrist1 who gave me the script said I can take up to 1mg/day and thats a low dose already although psychiatrist2 did stress its not a long-term solution.

b. When should I expect the lexapro to work? How will I know its working? I generally feel a little more at ease... but again that might be the klonopin or something else.  Also will I feel anything at 5mg, and will the side effects kick back in when I move up to 10mg?

I'm seriously trying to beat my anxiety this time. The therapy is doing wonders and has helped me identify a lot of the underlying crutches I was using that perpetuated bad behaviors. The modification stuff I know will be hard, but these mornings it just feels impossible to tell my brain to shut up about stuff even when I want to move it onto something else so badly. I really want to get better.