So right now, I have two friends, an online one and an in person one. When I'm with one of them, I start to loathe and be angry at the other for literally no reason. I think it's a way to cope with feeling like I'm "cheating" on them. One of them (online) enjoys being loved super intensely, which is perfect! I act clingy and obsessive and dumb, she acts maternal, we're both happy. Except that she does that with *everyone*. Once I realized that, I started to doubt everything I had with her. She tells me we're best friends (yes I know I sound like a child deal with it), but just because she acts similarly with other people, I can't help thinking that she doesn't care about me. 

So I have the other. She's super chill, a stoner like me, we get along, it's nice. I actually don't think there's anything materially wrong. I'm overly affectionate and lowkey super weird but she enjoys it, she doesn't mind saying "I'm not going to leave you" even if nothing's wrong, all the things I needed from a friend. But then I make shit up that's wrong in my head! I said something that didn't really warrant a response and she said "oh" (two damn characters?), so she must be annoyed with me aaaand want to leave. She hangs out with my sister instead of me a little too much means she likes her more than me aaaand wants to leave. If she isn't talking enough, she must want to leave! The amount of shit I can construe as abandonment might be literally everything.

However, having two FPs has benefits. If I split on one and start to hate them, I usually start to idolize the other, so if they're both around, I can just transfer my feelings from one person to the other. It isn't a healthy way to operate, but it's the best I can do right now and that's okay.

BUT SERIOUSLY HOW DO I NOT ALWAYS THINK EVERYONE HATES ME IN EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE ALWAYS