I'm turning 31 this month, and I'm just so tired of struggling to do anything at all. I am literally barely surviving. I can't even make enough money to keep myself from going homeless. I rely on others to keep me afloat. If they go away, it's over for me. 

I feel like other people must have something that I simply don't have in me. I don't have the thing that makes you survive. 

I'm behind at everything in life compared to my peers. I push myself extremely hard just to potentially see a glimpse of what they have, but I never actually make it. I always end up with nothing again. 

Still not anywhere, still at square one, still starting over and trying again. I'm so tired of this cycle. And with everything going on in my country (US) right now, I dunno if I see a point to continue. It feels like everything is horrible and only getting worse, in all facets of life here. 

I don't want to die, but I don't want to be alive. I don't want to be alive if I'm barely living, rather. I do want to live, and feel something, and be somebody, somewhere. But every day is an endless struggle, just to scrape by. In a world that's trying to kill me.