Im BPD, 27yo professional female. Recently had a breakup that just broke me. Don't want to spend time typing out the details. But i feel like I'm not good enough for love no matter what i do, I'm incapable of impacting or mattering to others, life is downhill from here, and I'm exhausted from emotional volatility and am sick of living.

But FFS enough is enough. I refuse to go down and let my life derail into shambles. I refuse to accept that life has to be shit and that people cannot change. Because if this is all true then fucking hell someone just kill me now. 

In orser to give my life and soul a chance in hell i need to slowly build on the habit of being my own friend and earning my own trust. So from now on until my bday next year  (basically for a year from now), i pledge to abstain from...

1. Contacting or digitally stalking ny ex
2. Any self-harm
3. Any suicide planning
4. Daydreaming about some better version of myself that gets validated by exes etc.

Basically I'm committing to a pause because that's all i can promise myself but hooefully it'll help me move on and also build up some foundation for self-worth. 

Btw pls pls don't comment if you only want to tear this plan of mine down: I'm very fragile right now and need this bit of will to grow, not disappear with any remaining hope. Encouragement welcome :(

P.s. i found you guys today and I'm so happy to find that there's all these people with similar issues that could understand me. Feels good to know we are not alone!