Hey Reddit 

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Just felt like I needed to get some stuff off my chest. Haven't been feeling like me at all over the past week now following a routine operation in hospital which required me to be knocked out.

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I'm not sure if it's the stress of it all getting to me plus the fact that work has been flat out stressful, plus now the added stress of my heart rate and BP being absolutely sky high with my palpitations back, or whether it's anything else like the anaesthetic still wearing off (I've read that it can take up to 2 weeks).

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I think with my BP right now being high it's caused me to worry and has raised it even more  to the point where I have started getting nosebleeds, dizziness, headaches etc and am hyper-fixated on it. I have been googling shit to the point where it has stressed me out that much that I saw the doctor yesterday who has told me that I need to monitor this daily and he has sent me on an EKG, for bloods, a urine sample and a couple of other rando things. I still can't help worrying about it and feel like I am just going to drop. I told my doctor about my anxiety but they said they can't do a thing til they've worked out if it's something else. They said the tests will take up to another 3 weeks which is quite a long time to be on edge. I don't have too many supportive people around me but I have a lot of people that can help take the edge off it (pretty bad listeners in the family :( ).

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I have felt on edge since Covid but I have previously either been able to control my anxiety or tell it to just 'shut up'. Right now I feel like I have hit a breaking point with it as it just won't let up or let me sleep or do anything. 

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What isn't helping is the fact that I'm not getting my full 8 hours of quality sleep - I'm getting to sleep fine around the 10:30 mark but then come 5-6am I'm up and anxious thoughts are flying. Eg "what if my blood pressure spiked now and something happened?" - probably sounds a bit pathetic i know. It's taking me longer to wind down for bed (I'd normally start to relax now) and I'm not doing things that I enjoy doing on the basis that I just want to catch up on my sleep. I had no sleep before the operation (about 2-3 hours of very interrupted sleep) and have just felt that 'on edge' over the past couple of days that I have just physically been like the walking dead lol.

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My appetite has dropped a lot since the op which is possibly playing a part in all of this but I have tried eating an optimal amount today which hasn't helped (just made me feel sick more than anything to be fair).

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I've only just got back to work after a few days off being not well; anaesthetic wearing off has sent me really 'funny' and has put my emotions into a really weird state where I am alright one minute and next minute I am crying my eyes out over something trivial, ie my friends that I play online with not messaging me despite them having conflicting schedules (been nearly a week since i've seen any of them but whatevz). I've started having panic attacks much more frequently. I want to try to get over this or sort it out or at least recap on what I did before but my mind feels too exhausted from sleep deprivation to tell me (last time I ended up in hospital due to mistaking it as a heart attack).

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I'm hoping that it starts to calm down soon or I can remember more ways to cope with it but right now I feel kinda alone and afraid of what's to come, especially with some of the horror stories i've heard about high blood pressure etc. I made the mistake of falling down the rabbit hole yesterday and am still anxiously googling stuff. I ended up having a panic attack over a fucking action film more than anything the other day, films that I normally absolutely love. I just feel like a bit of a mess.

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I jut need to get through the next 2-3 weeks then I can get all the help I need is what I keep saying. Whether it'll help me as I'm contemplating going up A&amp;E (for US peeps - the ER) later to see if they can expedite the tests I have no idea.

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Again sorry for the rather long vent, think my emotions are getting the better of me so I really hope that I can get this nipped in the bud soon enough. I hope it's just a bad spell of anxious thoughts and that when I have slept on it or caught up on some quality sleep I'll feel all the better for it.

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For any of you reading this, that has been more than enough for me even if one person sees it. I hope I can stop letting my thoughts get the better of me and climb out of this pit that I have been knocked into.

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All the best

Proud Extreme