I have a long history of severe anxiety and depression. I've been through a suicide attempt and heavy substance abuse. I have worked to overcome all of this. I'm dealing with the social part of my anxiety better than ever before and I'm finally starting to build up a social life again after losing so much connections on my way down.

My social anxiety being less of an issue has revealed that my anxiety applies to much more situations, sadly. I've noticed that when I try to do schoolwork I quickly fall into a state of panic induced by negative thoughts like 'I'm an idiot, everyone else gets this' and 'everyone will know how stupid I am if I ask this'. These thoughts lead to 'I can never live a normal life if I can't do this', 'I will never be able to make someone I love happy with this disability' and 'I need to just kill myself' after which I often just picture how I can hurt or kill myself. This makes it near impossible to get to work and keep up. It's hard to even think clearly and find answers I sometimes actually do know.

Have any of you dealt with something like this? I got thougy first year by absolutely abusing cocaine and I do not want to back to that place. How can I study without it? I feel my heart pounding out of my chest whenever I so much as look at my laptop. Thanks in advance!