I feel like every decision I could make is wrong.  Including right now. I'm frozen.
If I suck up my stupid problems and show up for you today, you would probably think I am some kind of a joke, overdramatic, etc. but at least you would feel better. So I think that's what I'll try to do. 
I feel like because I push on noone takes it seriously. I already feel pathetic because I shouldn't feel like this. I have it good, many have it worse. So I don't need that. Might as well not show at all.
I have always been alone on this. 
If I tell my parents, they would smother me and probably blame you or weed or themselves or some stupid shit. 
If I told you, I'd probably make you miserable. But I slipped up on that today.
If I isolate, I make things worse. I shouldn't isolate unless I plan on not being there much longer. 
Unless I plan on dying tomorrow, I better show up for school or work unless I wanna compound my problems. 
I'd never do that, would I? So why waste my time "moping"? 
So I ultimately I push on. But today had other fucking plans apparently. 
So if I am gonna push, why not pretend to be mentally strong and ambitious? I might as well if I'm gonna stay here. Might as well rationalize the problems away and pretend they are all in my head. That's what a strong, mentally stable person would say. Which is what I am striving to be. 
Basically sums up the majority unfounded, unhealthy rationalization of my existence on a deeper level. I think I owed at least a shitty explanation. And to get it off my chest.