I wish I could understand why I can't get over my ex. I've had other relationships that lasted longer. But she is the only woman I've ever seen a future with. Sadly I still can if she'd just want me and if we went to therapy together.

It hurts to still be friends. We text only, because she tells me she just doesn't have time for me. But I know she sees her other friends. 

I know our relationship was not healthy. Her own mental health and need to isolate herself is what triggered my abandonment issues. But we worked through it together. 

It seems so unfair that I was with her through all the bad times and held her while she cried herself to sleep, helped her find a new job, listened to her vent, supported her and found her a therapist. 

But when I had a single episode of dissociation and I forgot a few hours, I was just too much. I overwhelmed her and suddenly she didn't have time for me. She basically threw me away because I was too broken.

Can I even really say we're still friends? I think if I stopped texting her she wouldn't notice for a while. But I don't want to chance triggering her own abandonment issues and hurt her. 

I'm at the point where she's hurting me. Even if she doesn't realize it. How does she tell me she loves me and misses me so much, but when I simply ask to drop something off, she tells me no? Or if she would join me and friends for a drink. 

She asked me to get together this weekend a few weeks ago and today she just bailed on me. I guess she found someone better to spend time with. 

How do I tell her how she makes me feel without her saying that I'm just better off without her? That's usually her go to. I know I can't make her realize she's avoiding me if she doesn't want to see it. But why would she keep telling me she loves me and then not see me? I'm not talking about dating again. I'm just talking about being friends.

I'm so confused.