I’ve been on a higher than recommended for my size antidepressant for a couple years, and around 6 months ago I had an antipsychotic added to that.

Before having the high dose, I was so low mood wise and had no enjoyment out of things. The tiniest things made me have panic attacks and my ocd was really taking over.
But I also started to have delusions and hallucinations. We still don’t know if it was the high dose or something new but my antidepressant just got lowered a bit a month ago and I’m right back in that dark state. The hallucinations and delusions are still here a bit but I’m honestly not going out as much so I don’t know if it’s just correlation over causation.

I really just wanted to rant a bit about how we have to balance what I’ve side effects or negative side effects. It’s so unfair that even with the “help” we can get in the form of medication, can cause just as negative things as having no help at all.
I was finally starting to get somewhere with my panic and anxiety disorders, but my health got bad so any time I’d do exposure that small increase in heart rate could be enough to make me black out.

I feel really hopeless right now, not in an in danger kind of way, just a bit frustrated that I have to decide whether I want to be depressed and just generally useless, or be able function at the cost of having major panic attacks caused by delusions.