i had a boyfriend of 1 year before, never cheated on him, he went on a year exchange program and broke up with me a couple of weeks after. it destroyed me since i was so emotionally dependant on him, i stopped going to school because i was too depressed, my second semester of senior year on high school i spent in bed crying, that was when i got my bpd diagnosis. lucky me i still got into a great university the next year far from where i live, i had cut all ties with my ex by then.
in the beginning of the year i met this guy on tinder that went to the same uni, i liked him very much so we kept talking. im 18 and he's 22, he's very introverted and awkward, full of problems as well, i was the first girl he went on a date with and a couple of months later we started dating, even tho we hadn't been seeing each other so much because of quarantine (he's very strict about it). back in march when the pandemic blew up i went back to my hometown, then again to where i study, and recently i had a full blown crisis and had to come back again to my hometown to get treatment and get stable.
so one night i went out to see some friends, and ended up making out with this guy. im pretty sure everyone saw it and they all know i have a boyfriend, so now im completely paranoid and full of guilty.
my boyfriend is great, he's sweet and we're totally in love with each other, but he doesn't always give me what i need so i think i felt the need to search for that in other people.
i don't feel exactly bad because i just got back on quetiapine and i can't feel emotions at all (my homies out there who have taken/take quetiapine know what im talking about). but now im leaving my hometown and going back to the same city as my boyfriend, where i go to university, and we're probably gonna see each other in a couple of weeks.
i just wanted to let it out my chest, and read about your experiences with cheating and bpd too.