Disclaimer: I AM NOT CLAIMING TO HAVE A BPD DIAGNOSIS OR SELF DIAGNOSING

(18F) Ive researched into many mental illnesses, and I find that I can relate a lot to BPD symptoms. I tend to be very clingy when I have a “favourite person”/significant other, I can not function if I do not speak to them on a regular basis, I lose my shit if that happens. Ill give an example, one night i was supposed to call my “favourite person” but I accidentally fell asleep and napped while I was waiting(I had an incredibly long day and I was tired) but when I woke up he told me he was going to bed and I started crying uncontrollably and hating myself for napping and I got mad at him for not calling because he was still awake, but I tried not to show it. I also can be very jealous.

I do not have a favourite person/significant other at the moment, so I constantly usually feel very detached to life and just empty.

I also feel like I can relate to “splitting”, I see people as very good or very bad based on little things they do. For example, I saw my best friend had seen my story but had not replied to me, I usually love her because shes an amazing person and is very caring but at that moment all i could think was that she’s inconsiderate, doesn’t truly like me and i need better friends.

I guess it’s also worth mentioning I’ve experienced a LOT of abandonment when I was younger, my dad had randomly left the country then he came back and my mother left(very long, confusing story but I have a relationship with both parents) I’ve also faced “ghosting” from guys multiple times, one minute they love me, next they’re gone. I also feel very anxious about abandonment, if something goes wrong in the slightest way with my “favourite person” and even with others, I feel as if they’re going to abandon me; which is something I tend to fear a lot. 

I would go see a professional but I’m still not independent from my parents who do not believe in seeking mental health help. So any respectful opinions will be appreciated :)