to put it shortly: I admitted to Person A that i felt uncomfortable around them because of how they had treated me a year or so ago and hadn’t apologized for it. somehow this has twisted into me being an asshole to everyone abt it and having to get over it because “they’re a different person now.” 

they’re stating i’m hurting people by getting angry and frustrated that nobody wants to at the very least understand my situation. i’ve lost an entire friend group now and i can’t trust as to whether or not i’m abusive because this situation has played out and ended the same way with two different friend groups over the course of 3 years. 

at this point I’m just giving up on friendships because i can’t trust myself at all. it’s been draining and has led to me being really suicidal at times (i have a therapy appointment tomorrow). 

i will admit i do vent to people when i’m really in an episode and i can overstep boundaries—i’m guilty of that, and i apologize after the episode when i can think clearly. but am i abusive? i can’t stop seeing myself as this oversensitive monster that just needs to move on.