For some background I have struggled with my mental health for pretty much as long as I can remember. I got home yesterday from work and ate some food and then took a shower. I don’t know what it was but I just felt so incredibly empty. When I feel like that I feel as though nothing is real, and I feel very disconnected from myself and all my relationships. I’ve noticed I actually maladaptive daydream a lot when I feel empty or feel depressed again, so I noticed I started doing that again. I hate doing it though because it distracts me from replying to texts or being productive in any way.

It just sucks that I feel like this to this extreme yet again (I haven’t for a long while now) because I thought I was doing better. I have an amazing boyfriend and he has been incredible- he is so amazing and reassuring and good at listening to me, and has really been a rock for me. I’m working at a great place and I actually look forward to going into work each day. I’m getting my life together and will finally be going to university.I just felt like things were going so well but I just can’t tell anymore if I was even happy during this period of time or just avoiding the feelings of sadness that were too much to deal with. I just realized that I’m probably going to have to deal with this for my whole life, feeling great than horrible, than empty, then great again.