Title is a little piece of the question, let me explain a bit more. TLDR at the bottom

I (20m) have been diagnosed in the past with Depression/anxiety/CPTSD/ bipolar 2. Ive had multiple traumas in my life, via others including parents siblings  friends and others. One of the continued traumas resulted in an unhealthy  relationship with cleaning. I moved out a few years ago and have lived on my own in a small studio apartment.

Ever since I moved out, I have lived like a hoarder. Trash, dishes, old takeout bags, dirty clothes, etc. Ive cleaned it up a few times, always with help, and usually for when people come to visit. 

Six months ago my ex came to visit. That was the last time I cleaned my apartment, until a few days ago.

I took my time, soothed myself and had some positive affirmations. But I did it, all by myself, and its *clean* now. Im happy and I light candles and relax.

The problem comes with the relaxing. It feels like one of these times Ill look over and see the mess again. Its like a nightmare. I wake up expecting cardboard stuck on the bottom of my slippers. Its terrifying, and I cant seem to convince myself the apartment is actually clean. It feels like Ill wake up any second and see it trashed.

TLDR; I lived like a hoarder for 2 years, and now that Ive finally cleaned up, it feels like Im being haunted by the past of my apartment. Wondering if its possible I traumatized myself/what may help calm me down.

I hope this is the right place to put this. If not please let me know! If I knew how to share the before and after I would.