I feel like I'm on a loop. I've done some horrible things in the past and I felt nothing for them. I rationalized all of them and didn't feel an ounce of empathy for the people I hurt. Then a few years after I'd stopped doing most of my harmful behaviour, the extreme empathy set in and I suddenly got bombarded with the hurt of everybody I'd ever hurt. Intrusive thoughts, taking myself back to horrible times in my mind and how they must have felt. And then, a couple of years after that, my empathy shuts off again. The terrible behaviour goes on for another couple of years, and about a year or two ago my empathy switched on again and I feel extreme guilt. I feel like I'm just waiting to turn back into a monster again.