I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this but I just thought I’d share. So I have three kids, 9, 6, and 4 who I love more than anything. I have been pretty down for a while now, do a lot of things. I’m the breadwinner while my wife stays at home and this year due to things out of my control I’ve lost a good chunk of what I earn. We are still doing okay, we just have to keep an eye on spending. I’ve gotten no help from my boss, I’m fact he’s even taken more accounts from me because we have to build a book for new hires. While I’m trying to grind to get back to where I was, my marriage seems to be deteriorating. If it wasn’t for my kids I would have left a long time ago. But feeling trapped and alone are a dangerous mix and I have thought about how things would be if I wasn’t here. Even thought where and how I could do it without my kids being the ones to find me. I usually just stop thinking about it because I just couldn’t do that to my kids and then just go on living depressed without them knowing. I normally wrestle with the younger two and after they jump on me I play dead/sleeping for a few seconds so then I can scare them. They love it and we do it all the time. We were doing that tonight for a while and then my older son, the 9 year old, joined in and after they all jumped on me I played dead and he really thought I died. He started sobbing and begged me to wake up. I of course woke up but he was still crying and told me never to do that again. I feel terrible. I knew that if I were to ever do something to myself, my kids would be really sad. I just didn’t realize it would affect them that much. I can’t ever put them through something like that. I am sorry for the long post but I just had to share this with someone. Thank you for listening.