I was abandoned by new friends I had made the day before my birthday (Jan 9th) over a miscommunication.

The tldr is that I made a post where I said I was feeling sad and like a bad friend on a private insta and they saw it and thought I was guilting them. I was not. Instead of talking this through, the lead friend Ed (these two lived together) called me a toxic and awful person and cut me out completely. Ed also knew I have bpd so she knows that cut deep. This came out of left field because an hour earlier she was planning a birthday party for me and was my first real friends I had made as an adult. 

I spent my birthday in the crisis center of the hospital wanting to die because I thought something was wrong with me, that I must be broken and unable to have friends. I wasn't angry at this point even though multiple people saw the messages and said she was unkind and overreacting, including a mutual friend Kris.

I know this sounds very petty but after losing a long time  friend early last year and cutting ties with family I felt wrong and heartbroken.

Since then I've learnt that I'm not the only person Ed has cut off like this, and that she has a sort of "one strike your out" rule with friends. Looking back, I was very obsessed with her and couldn't understand why someone so nice didn't have any other friends besides her roommate. 

I've done group therapy retreats and grown my relationship with Kris (who has since cut off contact with Ed as well) which has helped with my confidence a lot. My FP also told me that friends are allowed to fuck up sometimes and that if Ed really valued me she would have let me explain myself. 

Despite blocking me and cutting me off she's been telling people how "proud" she is of me and playing it off as if we were still friends. 

Recently I did an art market and saw Ed and her roommate and they very obviously avoided me (granted I also was about to have a panic attack so I'm glad they did) and yesterday she messaged me.

The message was basically "hey! Just realized I was really mean! I'm trying free myself and be a positive person, sorry it's been half a year! Lol" 

I was surprised and uncomfortable. I didn't so much as forgive as I did tell her that was still really fucking hurt and that I wished her well. I feel if I forgave her I'd be lying, because I don't. And a part of me thinks she needs to deal with sitting in that guilt for a bit, I know now that she's the type of person that wants to be positive because it makes her look good. Not because she is. I genuinely get the feel that she only wants to make herself feel better.

Am I wrong for thinking that? I don't even know, I'm still so angry. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense.