Wow. I’ve just lived a mini BPD movie. 

Long time crush shows up out of nowhere after years. Freshly single. In town for 4 days. We spend the day having sex and laughing and cuddling and being passionate. We make plans to see each other again. He tells me he wants to see me. 

I fall head over heels. Day dream about marrying him. Moving away to be with him. Suddenly all my life makes sense. All the pain. The comfort of him combined with an idealized future makes me feel high. I feel like I’m on the brink of getting all I’ve ever wanted. He’s perfect. 

We make plans for him to come over late last night. He texts me random shit in the day. Then, when night comes, nothing. 

I text him at 10pm. Nothing. 

11pm. He writes back. Apologizes profusely. He got side tracked. He’s leaving early in the morning and won’t be able to come over. 

I tell him it’s ok. It’s fine. 

This morning I feel like a 16 year old again.  I feel played. Dumb. Disappointed. My BPD sees abandonment. My brain sees something more complex. It’s exhausting. 