Pain every day, wanting to kill myself every day. That’s going to be the rest of my life. I know one day I will finally give in, and I’ll finally say goodbye permanently. 

Certain sources say life expectancy is ~27 years old. Eight years left! Woo.

I don’t want to waste my family or boyfriends time. I might as well kill myself now so they can get on with their lives. Especially my boyfriend. We want to spend the rest of our lives together but I don’t want to steal his life and then give in and then for him to never move on or recover. 

I’ve tried so many medications. I’ve tried ketamine. We’re trying TMS next. It’s not going to work, none of it ever does.

I should just give in now.