After years of my mother (that has bpd) telling me I have it myself, I finally believe her. This past year I’ve made numerous mistakes/ choices and they all boil down to symptoms of bpd. I have no friends and nobody that cares about me. I ruin every relationship, unable to make new ones… everybody leaves and I’ve ruined things with the one man I thought could possibly love me forever. I cheated on him relentlessly and after we broke up he said we could still see eachother if I was faithful and I was not. He’s my one person I can trust and feel no anxiety with and I ruined that for myself. He stayed even when I hurt him so badly. I really need to see a psychiatrist and get a councillor. If i fail to get better I see myself taking my life. I feel like nothing will ever get better. Nobody will ever love me when I’m such a cheating, lying mess but I can’t stop myself. I don’t want to be this person.