I find myself here again…. For most of what seems my teen to adult life I’ve battled with depression. Lately it’s been all consuming I can’t even remember the last time I’ve left my bed to leave the house. I stay up each night just contemplating do I really want to be here? is it even worth it at this point? I feel like I can’t breathe anymore. I just want to sleep and never wake up. Lately I’ve just been sitting in fear of myself. I can feel it growing inside of me. Two times in this last week I’ve put that gun to my head and just sobbed. I really feel like a coward because I don’t want to be here I don’t want this life but I’m so scared to just pull the trigger. I don’t have it in me anymore and honestly my 25 birthday is only 6 days away and I don’t think I’m ready to make it there I just want to let go of all of it I just don’t want to exist anymore…