Do people treat themselves with kindness?
This question is trapped in my mind.
Do people in general want the best for themselves? Do others hope the worst?

When I think about "myself" or my future, all I can imagine is a shitty situation. 
I see myself, broke, sad. Sader than I am right now. I see myself relapsing in my anorexia, still cuting myself, still almost failing my classes. Being told that I am ruining my "potential". Still wanting to die.

I honeslty dont think that i care about myself. A big part of me almost want me to fail.
But I would like my fp to confort me, to hold my hands, to hug me.

But another part sometimes apears, and suddently, im anxious about failing.
"Im ruining my life, i dont want this, i have to succed. My parent did not raise me to be a waiste of money, and time. They dont deserve this.
Suddently life is a competition. I have to be perfect. 

From an extrême to another, in little time. My vision of myself constantly changes. But most of the time, its not a good one. The idea of myslef, my future is never the same, i dont have goals. I dont know if i could possibly have any goals. 

Is this normal? Or people normally want good things to happen to them? Any opinions?


