 Hello everyone. I'm trying to find safe places on the internet to talk about BPD and to hopefully get some help with it.

I  live in The Middle East and I haven't been diagnosed with BPD because therapy is literally nonexistent here (or it's way too cheap for a  university student like me). However, I do strongly suspect and truly  believe actually that I have BPD.

I  realized this when I got deeper into my relationship with my fiance,  and I started getting too comfortable with him. My god, I never had  anger issues before, I always assumed I was just a very sensitive woman,  but, I was shocked to see how much rage I feel in response to feelings  of rejection/abandonment/disappointment, etc.

I  only ever truly noticed these things about myself in my relationship  with him. This might be because I don't really have friends or family  that I feel really safe with, at all. I just accepted that I am utterly  alone in this life and I just have very cynical views of the world. I do  this as a way of accepting reality while also coping with it by  protecting myself from disappointments (really hate those!).

On  a more serious note, my fiance does try to be helpful and supportive.  He knows little to nothing about mental health and he's been slowly  getting into it, and he's been spending sometime reading about these  topics on the internet, then he would come to me and share somethings  with me. I do wish he did this more often, but I still appreciate it  when he does it.

I digress. What  I'm trying to say is, does anyone else feel really stuck with their BPD? Are you utterly alone? Do you feel unloved and unsupported in life by  anyone? Does your country suck a\*\* when it comes to therapy like mine  does?

I feel like I'm just  grasping at straws with any online source I can find, or any safe online  space for me to read about other people's experiences with BPD.

The  most helpful source I've found so far is Dr. Daniel Fox on YouTube. He  knows a LOT about BPD and he even has a book about it, which I've  ordered on Amazon. Super excited to get it because I really want to  learn about my BPD and I want to do better for myself and for my  partner.

He does not deserve an  abusive/hurtful woman like me who says things that she does not mean AT  ALL when she's feeling extremely hurt or neglected...

I  rambled a bit here about a few different things, but, any feedback  would be appreciated. It hurts my heart to feel alone in my  struggle/pain.