Therapy just makes me feel miles away from recovery. How am I supposed to change anything? I have nothing that proves me wrong and I have absolutely nobody there for me. I can’t keep putting my life on hold and waiting to see if it gets better, because I’m 7-8 years into that strategy and nothing. Absolutely nothing. There’s so much I should be doing, but I can’t, and I will never get the chance to ever again. My therapist is nice, I think she’s good, but I’m scared that I sound stupid, that what I’m feeling isn’t worth wanting to die over, but I do. I don’t want to do this. I don’t see any fucking hope for me. There’s so much wrong with me, including physically, and there’s so much that I cannot change because it’s literally impossible. Fuck. I hate it so much. I’m so fucking angry, I’m so fucking tired. The only thing I ever look forward to is getting drunk and high on weekends, and I can barely even keep that to just weekends anymore. Therapy just reminds me how far behind I am from everyone else. It doesn’t matter to me if she says that I’m not the one at fault here, if I have nobody in my life that proves me wrong. Nothing’s worth it.