I was told as a child when I did cry by an odd incident that "if you dont stop crying when I count to 3, i will give you a reason". So, I never cried. I grew up repressing my emotions and bottling them up. Now, I seem like a cold/hard person to people. My boyfriend had asked me about my past, I never talk about. I told him the details of my sexual abuse, bullying, abandonment of my father, being in very long time outs, and getting the belt for things I didn't know were wrong. He cried, as I was telling the stories. He was confused to my emotionless face while talking about the abuse I went through. He actually got quite upset with me and asked me "are you not crying because you think this is normal?! How will you raise your kids one day?! This is so messed up" and he cried so much. I tried to explain to him that I have to be hard to it, because the only other option would be killing myself due to feeling too much.  He didn't get it. He called me fu*ked up and went to bed.