I have bipolar 2 and I was diagnosed in 2015. I am currently taking Seroquel 25mg every night and have been taking it since 2018. 

I feel like these vivid nightmares have been eating away at me for as long as I can remember. They bring me so much pain because they feel so real and I can't tell the difference between my dreams and reality. I feel like I am losing a bit of myself every day and I'm either always on the verge of tears or irritated at the smallest things. It's draining to reply to friends and family now and I can barely eat. I don't know what the point of this post is but I just want to say that this is incredibly hard and painful. I don't know what to do, who to turn to, or how to keep living like this. They don't stop. I feel so slow, in the way I talk to people, study, or do things. I can't really function how I used to or articulate my thoughts and ideas well. This is affecting my ability to function as a basic human being. I tried going to the gym to work up an appetite, tried mass gainers, protein shakes, distraction methods, and forced myself to eat, and nothing seems to be working anymore. I don't know if I've just given up? I can't really tell anymore. All I know is that I wish I could make it stop because at this point I'm not even scared of what I'm going to see in my dream, I'm so desensitized and I feel like a zombie, just feel so numb. 

It's so hard to have hope when things get bad because part of you really wants to hang on and wait for things to improve but another part of you is just so tired. I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm so proud of everyone here who fights every single day because this is the furthest thing from easy.