I have bpd and bipolar 2. I always find myself in relationships with people who emotionally abuse me. I stay in this relationships. I also self harm when I feel numb and when I am hypomanic I begin to self destruct my life (gambling, excessive drugs/drinking, lying, sexually, etc). I DO NOT HARM OTHERS. I have never hit anyone or gotten in a physical fight. But I have been physically and sexually abused since age 2 up until my ex who raped and beat me (until age 19). I'm not innocent, I've said very hurtful things in the heat of the moment. But, I tend to let people I am dating, call me names and use me. Its like I crave the pain. It's like I deserve the pain. I stay. Maybe it's my own definition of love (judging how I was raised). Maybe I'm just a little fucked up. It's so toxic, but I tend to attract these relationships