hi all,

i am figuring things out with my long-distance partner (we aren't officially "back together" but i will use that term) who has BPD. while we were initially together, he had a misdiagnosis. during a mental health crisis, and as he weaned off meds, it became clear that was not the right diagnosis. after several months of painful separation, and also a lot of 'denial' phase and processing on his part, it seems he has accepted this is what he is dealing with. we even said it out loud recently, and it felt like finally acknowledging the elephant in the room. this was huge.

i am pretty studied already on BPD. had to be, in order to reconnect and understand the symptoms didn't really have to do with me. he also has already "treated," if you will, several big traits into remission, which is amazing. 

i now am visiting with him. it is a journey to reconnect with someone and work things out, regardless of mental health challenges. but one thing i am struggling with is how to handle his negativity, or state my needs around wanting to feel a level of care, without triggering him further. when i arrived, he was sick with a nasty bug, and also had a run-in with a triggering old roommate. so i get that he was generally dysregulated. 

but for those of you navigating/treating this disorder, are there ways that partners can effectively communicate about how a negative mood is impacting them? 

my therapist and i have made plans where i put my headphones on in another room to self-soothe and let something roll off of me a bit. but that only does so much. he just still gets wrapped up in a low, and can't seem to see how it affects me. he is in between therapists right now, too, so no third party to bounce these experiences off of for time being. 

i also tried just expressing today that i like when he touches me, since he doesn't do that when he's low. he seemed to like having that guidance, and it helped.

willing to try anything! working on boundaries &lt;3