I was diagnosed with BPD in January and since then it's been an up hill struggle to get help. I had an assessment at my GPs surgery with their gateway nurse (the person who chooses where to refer people to) and he just completely invalidated everything I was saying. To the point where he actually said "I don't see how you can have BPD when you're here talking to me. I never work with BPD patients because they don't function enough to come to me"

OH I AM SO FUCKING SORRY THAT I AM HIGH FUNCTIONING AND DONT CONFORM TO YOUR OUTDATED PREJUDICED VIEWS YOU CONDESCENDING PRICK. 

What the fuck gives him (a person with no diagnostic power) the fucking right to question a diagnosis that has been confirmed by THREE CONSULTANT PSYCHIATRISTS. 

He made me feel so fucking stupid and worthless because I have the audacity to be high functioning. 

And my best friend (fellow BPD who is further along in her recovery) won't let me come round to hers because she's had bad news and can't deal with both of us today. Which I completely understand but now I feel worthless because I can't help her but I feel like she doesn't want me. And like she will hate me because I'm a wreck today. It feels like I was stupid to think she might care. And I feel like I have no one. There's no one I can call. I just have to sit here alone because no one wants me and no one believes how bad I'm feeling and no one cares. 

I've been home for two hours. Just lying on the floor in the hall with my coat and bag on crying and screaming. I can't move. 

I have nothing left. 