Recently I've been feeling as though my thoughts and actions aren't my own. Like some other force is forcing me into the life I live. 

I don't care about money, I don't want too. Yet I do because it's needed too live... I work myself to the bone every god damn day for only just enough and there are those out there who never lift a finger and have all of the shit. How does money work? Where does it come from? Who decided I need it for food? Who decided that this is how hard I must work too just get by? And get by for what? What am I doing? Keeping this shitty society from collapsing? I don't like the society so why am I forced into helping it keep afloat?

I was born with congenital toxoplasmosis (look it up) and have been feeling like it's the reason for my thinking process and how racey and weird it can be. 

I think there's a society of individuals, above government, only out for their own benefit running this whole damn show and forcing everyone through psychological manipulation to keep their shit show running cause it benefits them, we're nothing but pawns for them, tools too make their lives better. I'm a tool, nothing more, my pain doesn't matter as long as the job is done and they force me to get the job done by making money something we need too live and drip feeding us juuuust enough too live and by making it a status symbol so that we crave more so that we work longer and harder hours to get more so that we can be seen as a valuable and attractive member of society. 

I don't wanna sleep, I must sleep.

Maybe it's not the parasite, maybe it's the master society making me insane by depriving me of human needs? I don't even know what human needs are... food and water is one, shelter, socialization is but what's under the umbrella of socialization? I dunno maybe there's something I'm not getting that's making me loopy, maybe it's the parasite? I dunno. Doctors don't care, other people don't care. Every day is a scary and blurry mess. Is western society one giant fuck up that people need too be sedated to go along with? Is a parasite in my head making me paranoid? Honestly, I have no idea. I just know the thoughts hardly stop. Never finishing a sentence in my head. Nothing is congruent, everything is confusing.

Help?