Today my partner told me he no longer thinks we are ready to have children (for context, we just started trying after he became very sure and we agreed). For him, this all changed when he found a video diary entry I made 6 months ago sobbing, talking about feeling so low that I was almost suicidal.  Now, I have bad depressed episodes during PMS, so I know it’s linked to hormones. I “graduated” talk therapy about a month ago, but he is still shaken by the video. 
He feels as though I need more time to grow and figure myself out before burdening myself with a child. He referenced my lack of knowing who I am, my depressive cycle, bad relationship with my faith (recently lost it), and lack of self worth when it comes to certain family and friendships.

The thing is, I low key agree with some of his criticism, but I just don’t know what to do. I had nothing to talk about in therapy for so long, I have okay coping skills, but I don’t know who I am half the time. I want to grow, I wanna get to a point where I can be a whole SECURE person (I am extremely insecure) and be ready to be a good mom.

I need advice, connections, programs or workbooks, anything. I’m not sure I want to go back to therapy, that’s the only one I’m meh about.