Hello everyone I’m 19 and I think I have BPD, I’ve already been diagnosed with ocd and depression since I was 12. I’ve taken some tests and read stories and I’ve never felt more described in my life, My ex of 6 years just left me a few days ago I was possessive, terrified of her leaving and just emotionally abusive when I would get angry and then extremely suicidal after. I did things I’m not proud of and I held her on a pedestal and would get so sad when I realized that just isn’t possible and she’s human.

The realization that I could very well have this has taken me into a spiral, I’ve been crying nonstop and I feel like I’m even more broken then before and i miss my ex so much. I pushed her away and I have no friends because I’m scared of hurting others/being hurt and don’t know how to make friends from always being displayed. I feel like she’s suppose to be here with me through this  and because of me and my stupidness I lost the one person who loved me no matter what and was so tolerant. I have a supportive family but no one could ever be her. I felt a sense of relief when I realized I’m not just some emotionally abusive piece of shit but now that I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter because I lost her I’m so distraught. If anyone has any advice or has gone through this please leave your comments or pm me. I also apologize for any spelling errors etc I’m just at a loss writing this.