Anybody else just not think they’d be alive to see 30 so you never saw the point to planning out your life? Only to see 30 and realize you never thought about the future in the slightest and have fucked yourself for even longer? 

I didn’t finish school, didn’t even consider the idea of home ownership, didn’t think to save any money, didn’t keep relationships. I have children and they are amazing but also added a whole new element of terror to my brain. 

I’m constantly scared I’ll hurt them emotionally and not mean to also I have an immense fear of passing down my traumas to them and inadvertently making their life harder. I consistently struggle with parenting decisions because I have no sweet clue what the fuck I’m doing. 

So this realization comes at a point in my life I should be proud of. I got a decent paying job! But now I’m scared I’ll fuck that up to. I dunno. I think I’m long passed my expiration date.