I just got served my divorce papers yesterday before I left work. I spent the last 20 mins of work balling my eyes out. I was expecting it to come... it just hit hard seeing it happen.. today is also my bff (not fp) birthday... my fp does rotational type work and I hid out at his place all yesterday evening and even now as I type this out.. I haven’t left... I don’t know why it hit so hard.. I know I’m a shit person to not be there for my friends birthday... I don’t know what I’m doing in life, found out last weekend my soon to be ex husband made the lil home wrecker pregnant. My son is out of state and I’m struggling just to pay my bills. Now I’ve wasted all of my Saturday sleeping and dreaming of being lost in a forest with monsters, creatures and creepy strangers... I was late taking my meds because of the amount of sleep I had.. I’m having pretty bad brain zaps right now and even my (unhealthy, I know) beer to cap those lows aren’t even working... 

I’m a bit all over the place, I’m sorry if I’m not making any sense.. I’m having a hard time and I just want to know I’ll be ok to survive the last few months of this year.. I’ve been through a lot and I don’t feel like being around anymore... which cycles us right back to my bff that is always there for me, I’m not even there for her birthday today... fuck me  

I don’t have anyone to talk to and I guess I’m just feeling awfully lonely and worthless today on top of every other feeling I’ve felt in the few short hours I’ve been cognitively aware of reality today..