and seemingly not looking affected by the trauma you are describing? I have a hard time talking about it without gaslighting myself into thinking I an just insane. I know my truth but my PTSD won’t let me feel it. I only feel my trauma when I am triggered and terrified after an argument with my partner for example or having had a panic attack. Then it all comes down on me. But somehow I can also stop crying in an instant and get really tired of myself and become hateful and get rage within seconds. I don’t believe I can heal until I fully am vulnerable for the child within and start connecting to the innocent human being that once was. I am seeing a councelour at an incest support center later this week and I have anxiety about how to navigate through the conversation. I lose my head off my shoulders and derealize when someone looks at me and listens deeply with sad eyes. Somehow all I want is someone to become insanely angry on my behalf and scream shocked and furious when I unload. Of course that is not a natural way to support someone when they don’t know you. And I don’t expect that, but my inner child does. Anyone else know what I mean?