Im so emotionally distressed over this whole thing. It doesn't make sense, she was a young (22f) single mom, I'm a (25m) traveler. We never could have worked. 

Instead of ending it on good terms I did the classic BPD (burn the fucking bridge down) routine and fucked it all up. 

In retrospect, our relationship was so fucked. I'd emotionally abuse her and when she'd try to leave I'd do everything and anything to make her stay for fear of abandonment.

She'd try everything to please me, but I took her for granted. I made her cry so many times. The sex we had was so intense and primal. Lots of choking and hair pulling mixed with lots of tender kisses and "I love you's". It was a lot like our relationship. Pleasure meets pain.

One time after I picked her up from her new job I brought her to my place. She just wanted to cuddle. I wanted to fuck. But she was tired and didn't want to go home sore. I put my hand between her legs and grabbed her. She always liked that. She just glared at me and said no. I freaked the fuck out because she never refused me before. That was pretty much the death of it.

She wasn't a saint either though. 

When we first met she had a long distance boyfriend. We had sex on the first night we hung out together. She also spent inordinant amounts of time with me and not her kid. 

Our relationship was so intense that on the third month she told me she'd remove her IUD and have a baby if I wanted. She even said she'd marry me. 

I honestly couldn't tell you which one of us was crazier.

After we broke up she offered to be friends. I told her that after all the insane sex we had I couldn't just be friends. If my emotions weren't so on fire at the time I probably would have agreed with her.

I went to her house the next day to pick her up for work like I told her I would and she wasn't there. Her mom dropped her off and she didn't even tell me.

I freaked the fuck out, called her up, and told her off. After we hung up, I sent the most brutalizing texts imaginable. I used all the knowledge of her weaknesses and insecurities and weaponized them to full effect.

She's blocked me on Facebook and hasn't talked to me for almost two weeks. 

I feel so bad for her because I warned her what would happen if she got close to me. She had her heart broken once before and I told her that I'd shatter whatever was left.

I just want to hold her and tell her I'm sorry, but thats never gonna happen. 