So the thing is, I overreact badly. And I'm sure you guys understand this, but even typing out what I reacted to makes me realize how dramatic and repulsive I am. But I'll try. Please don't laugh at me.

So I had an FP that hurt me really, really badly for years. And now, that FP is dating my current FP. They go on dates usually on Wednesdays, Fridays, and the weekends. I make sure to stay away from social media on those days so I don't see their posts. But today I forgot it what Saturday. I was feeling awfully depressed to begin with and messaged my FP for support, and when I saw the images for their story load, where they were laughing and smiling with my ex best friend/FP, I lost it. I know it's so selfish of me. I know I should feel happy for them, and be glad they're with someone they love. But I am just, disgustingly myself and I fucking flip my shit EVERYTIME I think about them. I relapsed, after being clean for so long. I never went as deep as I did today. I should probably get stitches, but for now I'm just bandaging it heavily.

God, I know I'm so repulsive and selfish, but I can't help it. I sound so dramatic. Normal people don't become suicidal at the slightest things, normal people don't get so jealous they cut too deep, normal people don't act like me. I hate myself so much and I just want this pain to end.

Also, FP never replied to my message earlier and so of course that just made me feel ten times better :/