When I was 9, my older brother molested me. I forgot that this happened in order to cope with it. However, when I turned 18 I remembered that this happened and I had a vivid flashback. It was extremely terrifying. 

When I got older, I started looking for proof that I got molested, because I deal with a lot of self-doubt and denial. Mainly because my parents told me what he did was not that bad and normal sibling experimenting (even though he penetrated my vagina with his finger, causing a lot of pain). But also, the memory is very distressing so it feels easier to tell myself I made it up. 

I recently went on a search for my medical records to see if sexual abuse was ever suspected by my pediatrician. Because when I was 9, I got a UTI with a lot of blood that landed me in the hospital. I was mandated to do therapy by my pediatrician as well. 


However, my medical records show no suspicions of sexual abuse. The only thing that I saw was that around age nine, I was in the doctors almost every week complaining of frequent headaches, nausea, and stomach aches, and unexplained pains in my wrists and legs that would cause a limp. After doing a lot of medical tests, I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety at ten years old. They chalked all the symptoms up to being psychosomatic. 

I am not sure if this is proof on its own? 

But if not, I just would like for advice on how I can finally believe myself so that I can heal.