Disclaimer - I have not been clinically diagnosed, I have just been researching a bit about BPD and the symptoms of people who live with the disorder. I have now found to resonate with my mind a bit too much, kinda a bit nervous to see my doctor about it but here I go. 

I had an abusive childhood up to now, me (F19) am currently moving out of my family home in a week to live with my boyfriend I have been dating for about a year now (M20). As living with him and his family has naturally become my second home. 

My father is a narcissist who hasn't been diagnosed but everyone in my family has been aware of this fact for years. Especially, my mum, he has always been abusive towards her physically/verbally and emotionally. He also too was raised in an abusive family environment, caused by his father who was an alcoholic and was sexually/physically/verbally abusive as well as neglectful to his children. (My dad's sister was sexually abused by his dad).  I understand this may be why he developed this mental disorder from childhood trauma himself, which is immensely sad in itself. I don't blame him but there's a part of me that can't help but blame. Being raised was extremely difficult for me to have a narcissistic dad. I always felt invalidated, unworthy, and just downright like shit all the time because of him. Walking on eggshells constantly, trying to do anything to appease his expectations of me, etc. It really just broke my heart growing up and realizing that I never really or will ever have that supportive, loving, and genuine father figure I have always needed. I am also still struggling to come to terms with accepting my dad's mental situation but that's another conversation to be had.

Breakups for me were horrifying to me even if it was a toxic person I had to leave. I felt suicidal and out of my element. I have terrible abandonment issues, frequently struggle with insecurity in my past, and present relationships (which I know have realized I actually subconsciously find things to get insecure about, like I'm expecting them to happen) and I also struggle with anger issues. (Not physically but verbally) I can get very worked up over something small. I love my boyfriend so much, he is my best friend and number one supporter. However, my fluctuating moods are getting out of hand and I constantly find myself feeling a mixture of emotions that change every day. We have a lot of arguments because of this reason, I feel like it's always because I am upset about something even if it is minor.  I sometimes just really struggle to understand who I am as a person. I have booked an appointment with my GP for next week to go in and talk to her, so looking forward to hopefully finally knowing what's been up with me all these years. I just feel so misunderstood and emotionally unstable and drained. 

I don't want this to ruin my relationship and would appreciate any input or advice any of you guys have on this. It would help me a lot, thanks :)