I'm 19. A freshman at college. I have a stuttering disorder which pretty much made me have 0 social skills and anxiety 24/7. I always feel like I am below everybody else. I am addicted to porn and music. Those are the only two things that keep me sane. I know nobody at my college so i am alone 24/7. I feel worthless. I know I am a disappointment. My dad is the best human being to ever exist. He struggles everyday for me to live and learn and I'm just here barely getting along. If only he knew how much I was struggling. I've been an outcast my whole life. I've been depressed since I was 13. I basically cry everyday praying to God to take me.

I pray to God everyday to not wake up the next day. It's not even pain at this point. It's just being numb to everything. I have suicidal thoughts every single day but I have not tried committing suicide in my life. I'm religious and I think that killing myself would be an insult to God. I have accepted the fact that I will not amount to anything and I'm just drifting out in the sea hoping one of these days I will feel the sweet release of death.