I got my first A for the semester. It was during an oral defense and I got my grade and some feedback right after.

I was told that I did not manage to demonstrate the full extent of my analytical ability during the exam. But the examiners knew my past work and knew how hard I work and what I could really do. So they decided to give me an A after all.

And all I could think about for the rest of the day was how I basically got a sympathy A. I feel like a fraud, and so guilty about getting an A that I didn’t really deserve.

It’s been 12 hours now and I kept replaying the examiners’ words in my head, and had multiple many shame-induced breakdowns.

Please make it stop. I just can’t win against myself.