So...
I've tried SEVERAL fresh starts. New geography, new job, different state but sadly I can never get a new or different brain.
My behavioral patterns make it so that I thrive while I'm in the midst of the excitement of the "new" and within a matter of 6 to 8 months I self sabotage.
Self harm- Self Medicate and so on.
So... I'm actively hiding from myself by living with my parents.
They don't deserve this.
I am a source of concern and anxiety for them and I can't figure out what my next move should be.
I'm STUCK!
The folder in my head where I stored my dreams, aspirations and goals is not only empty, it left a HUGE void.
I take meds and while with my parents I'm on my "best behavior", but this isn't sustainable for them or for me.