I recently had a manic episode that crashed hard into a depressive one. I’m off my meds at the moment. I’m losing my health insurance next month so I’ve been hoarding my meds in case it gets really bad. I’ve had a few suicide attempts in the past so I want to make sure I have meds when I feel it getting that bad again. 

But right now I’m just struggling and really don’t know what to do. I’m depressed and I feel like I can’t tell people around me. I have supportive family members but I feel like I’m always relying on them. I’m always a mess and feel like a burden to every one. Recently had a realization that I make horrible decisions and am the villain in everyone’s story. 

I thought about calling the suicide hotline the other night when it got bad. But did some googling and found out that most peoples experiences are terrible when they called. And that many times they call the cops which is the last thing I need right now. On the plus side focusing on something else for a bit kinda brought me back. 


Idk I’m probably rambling at this point. I’m just lost…