I constantly feel like everyone hates me. That's they are better off not knowing me or even being around me. Why would they. I'm disgusted with myself so obviously everyone else is too? I'm stuck in this mindset for so long and I don't know how people get out of it. How can you convince yourself that you look normal and are fine when it feels like everyone's eyes are on you just waiting for you to fuck up. I hate it. It's all I can think about some days. I had no idea I had BPD. I honestly thought it was just my anxiety and my paranoia. That these feelings were normal. That it was normal to be on edge and hate yourself like this. But it's not. And I don't know how I will ever be able to convince myself that. I bring the people I love the most into this dark pit with me. It's like I drown them in my anger and self hate. And then I convince myself that they hate me and think the same way about me that I think of myself. Disgusting. 

