I ALWAYS do this. I'm always so, so open and so willing to attach to someone. I love spending time with people. But as soon as I feel like someone has become my "friend", or I feel like I'm close to someone, something comes up. It's this blockade--this wall--that I can feel coming up. I don't ever want to see them again. Ever. I just want to shut them out. I have nothing against them usually, I just don't want them in my life anymore and I don't want anything to do with them.

I say this because I hung out with a coworker recently and spent the night with her and had a great time. But the next morning we were working together and I said something to her and she said, "Okay". Not in a mean way, intentionally, I don't think. But I felt very slighted. I felt like she hated me. So I didn't want to talk to her anymore. I didn't want to hang out again. Because she hates me now. 

But I made plans to hang out with her today.

So I don't know where I'm going with this.

I don't know. I'm very flippy-floppy. 


EDIT: Oh, and I hung out with a guy last night and when he had to leave I broke down crying. He didn't hug me or anything, he just said "I'm going to go now, okay?" while I sat there crying. I don't know if this is a normal reaction to a general asshole or the BPD talking, but fuck him. Fuck him. I'm not ever talking to him ever again. Ass.