I've finally done it. Successfully ruined what could have been a beautiful relationship. I pushed him too far. 

In a haze of pure bpd rage I said some things that were so awful and so out of line. 

I'm totally alone now. I can't do anything but sit in my room, in the dark, and cry and cry and cry and cry.....

No one knew me like him. He was the only one I could be myself with. And I fucking blew it, of course. 

I let everything slip through my fingers. I hold on too tight to the point of hurting them. 

I don't want to do anything. Anything I was ever interested has lost my interest. I have no desire to do anything. I just want to lay down and sleep for a really, really long time.