It's so obvious but now when I really think about it I feel like I just blew my own mind. So I really don't understand why I feel so different from everyone else. I can relate to people really easily and social situations makes perfectly sense to me. Still I can't recall the last time I didn't feel like all of my brain cells were working at the same time these social situations were going on. It obviously has something with anxiety to do. But the older I got the harder it was for me to even speak to my parents so somthing was really odd. I was extremely self-concious the whole time and positive reactions didn't help. It maybe felt good for a few seconds, but I could never stop thinking about myself. I then got diagnosed with autism which felt great at the time but actually made everything even more confusing. Because now people started to treat me as if I didn't understand what was going on around me, meanwhile this was exactly what I was constantly obsessed over.

Now it has gotten worse with how I view other people too. I used to value people strongly. Everyone knew something I didn't because they seemed to be able to focus on the right things. But now suddenly I realize that I undervalue a lot of people which makes me feel like on a level above everyone. All of people's personalities just goes into one is the best way I can explain it. Then suddenly when people seem to think that I am being weird again I then everyone's status somehow goes up again. I feel like the details in people aren't diverse enough. I have tried to tell myself that everyone are different, but my feelings have a hard time with this apparently.