My theropod has remarked many times on how insightful I am and how that’s not normal for people with borderline who struggle with identity issues.

I did have quite a bit of struggle with identity, however, I’m very good at pinpointing core memories and explaining clearly why I behave the way I do.

Emotional insight for myself come easy for me.

So if that’s the case, why don’t I have any direction and why can’t I name a single good thing about myself? Why am I so unsure of every action and doubtful in everything I do?

Well I think I found out.

I had a fight with my mom a few months ago. She’s extremely emotionally abusive, and I suspect that she’s a narcissist.

I stopped talking to her completely.

And the longer I go without talking to her, the less identity issues I have.

She was the one telling me how to live my life and doubting my actions and criticizing every move I made making me feel anxious. She always has been.

The longer I go without talking to her, the more I learn to love myself. I feel like a massive weight has been taken off my shoulders.

In fact recently I having haven’t been meeting the criteria for BPD at all. No suicidal thoughts, less emotional outbursts, less judging myself, I haven’t felt the need to self harm in months either. My emotions are less radially cycling and less intense. I’m more productive and happier.

I still have pretty crippling anxiety, but that’s getting a little better too.

My mom was the biggest stressor in my life. I still love her, but being no contact has done wonders for me.

It’s great.