I tried to explain to my boyfriend and prefaced the whole thing with “I am not mad at you or anyone at all, I am not accusing you of anything, nothing is wrong, but since you asked, I can explain how I feel even though I know it’s just a BPD moment and I don’t really feel this way ok?”

And then of course it went horribly and now I feel and look like a monster. I feel like I have destroyed any intimacy we had, put a wrench in our connection as people, and now have created another thing in our relationship to worry about because now he will keep this touchy subject away from me. I feel like I’m driving him right into the arms of the girl I got triggered over in the first place.

I hate being this way and I hate myself!