Hey so I just need to rant. Not really looking for any advice because I know what I need to do I'm just... So damn annoyed. Sorry for formatting, I'm just getting everything out and not really worrying about how it looks. 


So I had a bit of a break in June from the stress of ye olde plague and work (I've been working in a call centre this whole time and honestly it's bad enough normally let alone when all our corresponding stores are closed) and I couldn't cope with having no outlet or anything. My therapy had been stopped because I had been emotionally stable for a bit too long (like 2 months?) and that was just the start of my descent into C H A O S.


So I got discharged in April time, and obviously with everything closed and my friends not being allowed to... Well... Be my friends I guess... I had no way of coping (my normal coping is figure skating lessons every Friday). I ended up being signed off by my GP for 2 weeks in June. By the end of that I was still on the edge of having an anxiety attack everytime I thought about getting up and going to work, even on my days off, so I got signed off for another 4 weeks. After that I was fine, went back to work, all was well.


In that time my GP referred me to a mental health team called Minds Matter and basically all they do is CBT and counselling, so no DBT. I spoke to them in November (because waiting lists are hella long at no fault of the teams) and they referred me to one of the teams in the Community Mental Health Team. Or so I thought.


I got a call last week from an Adult Mental Health Social Worker and had the 2nd assessment with him today. Turns out because I'm high functioning (I can work and do a food shop and cook and clean etc) they can't help me either. So now I need to go back to my GP and ask them to refer me to the Community Mental Health Team.


This whole time I've been feeling like I'm slipping back into another depressive episode which is abnormal for me around this time of year (I'm like a kid through the whole month of December cos my birthday and Christmas), and now I'm gonna have to wait even longer to get the help I actually need...


What really doesn't help is I recieved my diagnosis in November 2016 and since then ivve had maybe 5 different therapists up until around this time last year? It fucking sucks. As soon as I start getting the help I need they get another job elsewhere or are being moved teams and it doesn't help me at all. I know if they get offered a better position elsewhere then good for them, but they shouldn't be available to take on new patients if they're only gonna leave 2 months later... And it doesn't help how I know BPD is the most stigmatised disorder, both inside and outside the health profession. So I feel like I'm just being tossed aside because of my diagnosis. I don't know what to do anymore or if it's even worth contacting my GP for another referral. I feel so worthless.


Anyway sorry for the long rant, I just needed to get this off my chest. If you're still here, thanks for listening folks ❤️