does anybody else feel like being disordered is a choice &amp; something you can control but just choose not to because mental instability is familiar &amp; u r almost addicted to these feelings. 

like you forced yourself to be mentally ill because it was trendy amongst the people you surrounded yourself with online years ago. 

i feel like that. especially because, my diagnosis is not official, because i am under 18, i’ve just been told i have all of the symptoms &amp; i am being treated for it, so i know that i have it &amp; i know that i have been through trauma, but i feel like my trauma wasn’t that bad, and i chose to let it get this bad &amp; i should’ve just Stopped before i made these feelings a “habit”