cw// sfw / soft mentions of sui, mentions of psych wards, mentions of hospitals, mentions of splitting 

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I turn 18 in a few weeks, and thought I should reflect on my time. first things first

1. I am not diagnosed with BPD legally, as where I live you can't be diagnosed until you are over 18 - however, it's in my chart and is primarily what I go to therapy for. I have it and suffer from it
2. I will be telling this story on the timeline from when I was 15 to now, 18. This is partially due to an amnesia disorder I have where I cannot remember many things prior to age 15.

When I was 15, I had a group of friends and quickly attached to two of them who I know now were FPs. I loved them, I considered them my parents since mine were worthless. I would buy them gifts despite me working a low-wage job and being *fifteen* at the time. They were 18, my age now and as I have friends that age, I cannot fathom how anyone could do this.

They called me names most borderlines are called, cut me off, and I split really bad. I ended up in the hospital twice, had attempted, and by the time I was 16 had frequent P/A's and considered my life ruined. They had convinced me, for a 15-year old that I was the worst person on the planet when all I did was have a FP, split when stressed, and exhibited undiagnosed BPD symptoms.

I still feel the affects of their mistreatment towards me, and think *How could anyone do that?* The kicker is, one of them was a psychologist who talked about BPD. They would help others but when I would ask or show these signs, they turned their back on me.

I see kids now with those same symptoms, one of my freshman babies I love and embraced him. I taught him DBT skills when I noticed he blew up on others, I taught him how to separate himself from an FP so he didn't cross boundaries. At the beginning of the year, he cussed me out when I told him he can't threaten people on his own life when upset. He acted similar to how I acted at that age.

At the end of year, he was standing up to teachers who would trigger him purposely, was talking to counselors, and avoided the hospitals (he's a frequent visitor) and I couldn't be more proud of this kid. He's just like me in every little way, and to think that I, an 18 year old FP of this kid, changed his life in a *good way* makes me grieve the 15 year old I could have been with help.

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anyway just thought this was a nice story.