I hate that pit in my stomach when I meet someone new a really good person and I feel so hopeful about the friendship until I start getting the thoughts about what happens when I start splitting on them or start getting self destructive or impulsive I hate feeling trapped in the cycle that is this mental illness and what I hate even more than that is accidentally dragging people in after I get convinced I can protect them from that part of myself really hoping my new insurance will cover dbt I'm so tired of feeling like I don't have control