Mild TW self harm 

Okay look I don't NEED need help I'm just saying it would be nice please don't feel obliged or pressured to help i mean it's not like anyone can truly help me anyway I don't think so really why even bother is all I'm saying

But it feels so horrible just lying down and each second feels like an eternity and each eternity is filled with the absolute worst thoughts and I can't I just can't

I don't want to remember I don't want to feel i want something to distract me but nothing works anymore not in a state like this

And I think I have a cold so my mind and body is in a weakened state anyway but even if it wasn't i can't focus when I'm like this i can't get myself to distract myself from this how do you stop it I don't want to and I'm not gonna hurt myself but really it was the only thing that worked before and I think I might take some super special pills for special big situations it's okay they're prescribed to me but they're for emergencies and they're apparently addictive and I took one three days ago i don't want to develop a dependency but I am so lost and confused when you're lost in the groove

The groove is a song by Muse with a killer bass line highly recommend giving it a listen its super nice the whole band and their entire discography slaps but yes I'm sorry for writing an absolute mess of a stream of consciousness