I just realized it today. There is a fear stemming out from me after I interact with a lady with a different opinion with me. It was about abortion, while I for it and she against it. We went back and forth on this topic, and finally it ended up with me *partially* agreeing with her with the mentality of my 'no conflict' principle with people.
(I don't wanna cause an arguments on human rights)

Then, I went back home, where it causes me to rethink over and over about the values behind the conversation, including all the social details, actions and reactions occurred. I compared myself with her, she was opened, simple, straightforward, goal-oriented, clear-cut(she is very clear that abortion is 100% wrong), knowledgable(taught me the cognitive function, neurotic developments etc.),  etc, whereas me, I am complex(abortion is, controversial), not confident, compromising, lack of knowledge, different, cruel, lack of compassion, lack of empathy, lack of all the things she has etc. 

Then, it really gave me a crisis in *really*, how I should act. I'm not kidding, but I was *really* *really* *really* afraid, that I went on google to google for 'personal values' to hustle some values that I might have. And then, I recur my thoughts that none of these values might be the *real* values of a person, because *value* seems to be in the eye of the beholder! Meaning I, myself cannot have a real, one value because people will view differently from me..

Quickly, I realized I cannot separate 'other people's thought' and 'my thought'. And then, I start to use my 'personal development theory' to explain this - well, for the fact that my brain is still developing, I am still in the process of learning to establish my own values!  Then, I used my sociology theory to explain my 'social anxiety' - maybe I am just still in the process of learning how to socialize, so I still haven't establish a good social persona!

But quickly, I actually realized that this might be the symptom of not having a 'solid self'. And I am *worse* in this spectrum. 

Help, does anyone also have this? I am feeling crazy right now, and I need someone to comfort me, and tell me what's going on please. 

God, I just surpass a suicidal phase. Normal people have no idea how anxious it is when I went through all this in almost one whole evening. 

PS - I'd also realized the way I phrase things could be different, in one day, I am mature as 60, someday I am childish like 15, sometimes I am shy, innocent, sometimes I feel knowledgable. Today, I am direct because I just read a direct-like response from an English speaker. I am fearful and ashamed how am I changing like fluid water. It also associates me how sociopaths behave in also such kind of ways. And it comes to me that I do not know how to love myself at all.  Is there any help of this?