I put constant pressure on myself to be perfect. Fit body, perfect skin, perfect makeup, long hair, completely lasered body, nails done, nice clothes…i still don’t feel like it’s enough. I get mad at myself if I eat more than one meal a day and if I miss a day at the gym. I sort of feel like if I am not the most perfect woman I will be unlovable. I am aware I am holding myself to these standards and I can just stop anytime, but why do I feel that if I just let all of these things go that my life would be different? And not for the better. My beauty is something that I look after, I take care of it, I love the ritual of looking after myself. I love the feeling it brings me to sort of use my beauty as a currency, it gives me a feeling of power I suppose. it’s cost me so much time, energy and money to be me but in the end I feel empty. Guys have sort of hurt me from a young age, starting with when I was in school and that’s when I knew, I have to be perfect, to be accepted