I feel so alone. I always feel like I have nobody unless it's one specific person and it feels terrible. They have a life, though. Of course they do, not everyone lays in their bed crying everyday deciding if they're even worthy enough to live another day. Not everyone lays in bed for hours on end neglecting their responsibilities, hoping that at some point they'll get up and become the person of their dreams and life will be perfect.

I want help so badly, I want to tell somebody how bad I truly feel but I'm so embarrassed. That I wake up and go to sleep feeling like a failure. Will they think I’m lying for attention or just tell me that it’s “not that bad?” I want to tell my mom so badly that throughout the day I consider suicide on and off but I don’t want her to worry about me. I don’t want her to feel like she’s a failure and attempt to take her life again.

I want to just talk to somebody, but what if I get attached to them too? What if the same thing happens all over again like it always does and I’m stuck in the same place when all I wanted was help? Where do I go from here?