So yeah, I hate my life. I have no friends, hate my job, ever since I left school I've always struggled socially. Every time I feel like I can get close to someone they just start ghosting me or avoiding me. This has happened 6 times now.

I've tried killing myself in the past (by jumping in front of a train) but whimped out at the last second. I don't want to live anymore, I'd be happier being dead being able to feel nothing, than feel what I'm feeling now.

A few weeks ago I found a lump and it's still there. I know it's not the most reliable source of information, but after few searches online of cancerous lumps in this area of the body, I'd say what I have is very similar. I just hope it is cancer and that it kills me, I don't want to be treated for it, just let it kill me.

I'm not religious at all and don't believe in any afterlife, I just hope that when I die I just cease to exist, without any consciousness.