this might b kinda long idk??

my ex (/exfp) and i were together 4 like a month and a half lol cuz none of my relationships last rly long cuz yk, untreated bpd,,
but he dumped me in like january and that is when i started noticing like i have serious issues and its most likely bpd and i had begging 4 therapy but my moms a manic bipolar gambler,, anyways we were still flirting heavily after our breakup and then things had just Stopped. like randomly and he ignored me 4 days on end and i was going crazy over it,, and i landed up in the psych ward

i came back and sm shit went down and he was already interested in other people and he was literally showing them off the day i got home from the hospital knowing i still really really loved him??? idk 

i eventually got a therapist and i told her all this and like the extent of everything and she still doesn’t believe that i have bpd and i have a feeling it’s because i literally cannot describe my thought process properly during episodes (and prolly cuz im 17) because i just mentally blank out sometimes and can’t remember fully and i really do not know how 2 explain it to her 🙁 my entire world feels like its crashing but i cant rly describe anything else :// 

this is all watered down like alot idk im just overthinking and im just upset and sad i just wish people believed me even when im not in crisis :( like no one cares about me unless im in the hospital and it really stings :( like i get i hide things esp mental health wise because im petrified of being a burden and people leaving because of that but really no one gives 2 shits about me unless i attempt and that makes it even more tempting 

if u read this uncomprehendable mess im so sorry LOL