Before people tell me “you do matter to someone” …I already know that. I know it’s true. I know I matter to some people. The thing is, I will never be as important to them as they are to me. I’m currently talking to this guy, and I’m so in love with him. He tells me he loves me too, then talks all this heartwarming shit about how he will never leave me and he wants me to be around him forever. The issue with this is that I know he doesn’t really mean it. None of them have ever meant it. I’m just helping him through a dark period in his life. He’s just idealizing what he thinks I am like. He says he accepts me for my flaws, but I know it’s not true. Looking at his past, especially his exes, I simply don’t compare. I feel sick thinking about how many women he’s been with, and how I’m just another comparison. I already know that I am definitely not the best looking, the most charming, or the person with the most to offer, and it’s eating me alive. I know I can’t do anything to completely change the way I look or how important I am to people, and so I’m just tired of trying. I’m tired of being perceived. I’m tired of feeling so insecure and unimportant. I don’t ever really feel happy. I just feel empty. I want to disappear so I never have to worry about these things anymore.