
Please do not come and try to diagnose me with anything. That’s not what I’m here for

Im wondering if I’m having delusions. I feel like I’m faking it and/or inducing it after researching about it or mistaking it for something else. I don’t really like the idea of looking up my symptoms because I don’t want to speculate anything or wonder if I have some kind of illness. The only thing I was diagnosed was GAD a year ago and pretty recently I was taking a test for depression but I wanted to wait a little longer to see if some other things were able to be ruled out before taking it again. 

It’s like I feel like they could have truth to it but on a deeper level I don’t believe it but on the surface level i feel like it could happen but at the same time I don’t and I also feel like I believe it but don’t   I started having a feeling that I’m in a different year like 1994,1997,ranging from 2000-2009 and then back to 2022 or 2 years at the same time. 

This started to happen maybe around august 2-5?, a little bit after I set my planned date for my suicide which was for that upcoming Tuesday. 
But when that time came, i didn’t carry it out. 

After it hit the exact time i was planning to end it all and i realized I didn’t carry out my promise to myself, i started experiencing this feeling like I’m in an area that is out-of-bound, or out of reach, and that I was in a video game + a dream. 

I think I was just dissociationing or it was derealization  The feeling is gone but I’m unsure, if it’s still there it’s definitely not as strong anymore   Now my feeling that I’m in a different year is slowly becoming a belief and I’m starting to believe I’m a time traveler and I can like “switch” my years just by saying it thinking “I’m in (year) now” or I’d play something from 20-30 years ago on my tv maybe an old weather channel and it feels like I “time travelled”. I still wonder if I genuinely believe this, I feel like I do, i don’t know if it feels real to me but I don’t want to say that it’s not. Whenever I say “it’s not real” it goes away for a little bit but comes back. I don’t know if I’m faking this or if I’m inducing this by researching my symptoms so I don’t want to look them up but i end up doing it anyway out of curiosity . I also get this feeling like I’m a time Traveller from the 80s-90s and I’m in 2022 while at the same time feeling like I’m from 2022 and I’m in the past. I really don’t wanna call these beliefs, i also started recently having a feeling that some animatronic or beast looking robotic monster can end up in my house or outside, this arose from me just thinking about the idea and asking myself if I thought it sounded possible and it does to me but at the same time I feel like a part of me does not believe in it. I can ask myself if I believe the most unusual or bizarre things could be possible or will/are happening and I’m either unsure or I slightly believe it or feel like it could happen but then again I also feel like it can be 100% or 99% possible. I    and for some reason I’m starting to find things easily believable or possible, like I was researching delusions and i saw the most unrealistic ones and I’d have this small feeling like “it sounds possible” or “it might be”. I wasn’t the type of person to just suck up information and believe it right away especially if it sounds impossible or is impossible, or have anything to do with religion/supernatural, but now I find myself believing in or wondering if the most questionable or impossible things are possible(that doesn’t include religion or most supernatural)

I’m not sure if these can be labeled as delusions or if it’s dissociation or some thing else or mix. The way I typed this probably makes me sound like an idiot or confused person. I don’t feel confident enough to label these as delusions but I kind of know something isn’t right. 
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9/10 I’m gonna delete this Reddit account if a longgg time goes by and no replies or anything. Not because I’m mad or anything, i just don’t like the feeling of having Reddit or having an account lol