I am in therapy taking medication and doing the best I can.

Growing up I wasn’t allowed to “go out” and whenever I tried to it would cause a huge argument in my home and I would sometimes get physically abused by my father.. both my parents were strict about it. Throughout high school I dealt with it but when I finally went to college I got to experience true freedom and really enjoyed life. I wasn’t going out all the time but I still was just experiencing life.

Recently I had to move back home after a mental breakdown that landed me in the psychiatric ward. My father apologized for the past and he has since changed his behavior and does not lay his hands on me. I do not have the same restrictions as the past and going out usually is not a problem because I rarely even leave my room anymore. However every time I decide to take trip or go meet up with my friends I get this overwhelming sense of anxiety and sadness. I feel bad because this often leads to me almost canceling my plans every time and my friends have to push me to come. I always end up enjoying the experience but the feelings of having to leave my house never seem to not trigger me.