TW: sexual assault/abuse 

Hi all,

I’m in a new-ish relationship (3 months) and finding it hard to talk about my BPD. I also have bipolar and PTSD, so I’d like to discuss those with him as well. 

In the beginning stages of our relationship, I was doing so well. He lived quite a ways away, so a lot of communication was over text which made it a lot easier to present my best self even during an episode. 

I kept my MI hidden for awhile, as I wasn’t totally comfortable about sharing them. However, I am now displaying traits of my MI and I want to get on the same page as him. 

The other night, I worked up the courage and said something along the lines of, “Hey, at some point soon can we talk about my issues? I think it will help you understand me more.” He responded by saying that he would rather do “trial and error”, and that he doesn’t think my issues are significant. They are. I felt such an intense feeling of rejection, especially since I felt that I had really put myself out there and was vulnerable. 

He often tells me that I’m not as mentally ill as his exs, and lessens the impact of the things I’m going through. I think he does it out of kindness by trying to help me feel “normal”, but it just adds to the rejection and rage. 

**TW portion:** I started being sexually abused at 6 months old, and was subsequently abused my entire life by every single adult that was charged with taking care of me. I was put on diets starting at 4 years old and starved by my parents and grandparents. I moved every year of my life and the only friend I’ve ever had is my sister. We raised each other and ourselves. 

Although he doesn’t know this, and I will most likely never share it, it is so upsetting to hear that my experiences pale in comparison to others. Which I know is not true. I feel invalidated by him and misunderstood. 

Honestly, I just want to sit down and read an article about BPD to him while explaining myself. I can’t do a “trial and error” method because, as we all know, it will end in catastrophe-name calling, out of body rage, cheating suspicions, and hurtful words that can never be taken back. 

How can I go about talking to him and actually feeling heard? I really feel at a loss here and that our relationship is a ticking time bomb if we never get to have this conversation. He is so kind, and I would be so upset to lose this relationship.