Where do I even begin.........
God, if I could do so many things over I would, reversing mistakes I've made, reversing wrongful decisions, I just don't have the mental capacity right now to describe how I'm truly feeling, but my God do I feel exhausted, I'm just tired. Today I went to Disneyland, it was nice, I spent time with my family and it was the first time in weeks I actually went outside into the real world and dressed in proper clothing, my nieces and nephews all seemed so happy, my mom was happy, my aunt and sister were happy, and I was in a weird situation. Everytime I'd go on a ride I had an existential crisis, I kept thinking about everything that's happened to me in recent months, the people who I loved deeply and how I lost them, those who I thought were friends actually had some hurtful things to say, and all because of me and how much of a fuck up I am. I'm 16, I shouldn't be experiencing this mental torture on a daily basis. I could sense my confidence coming back at Disneyland, but then reality set in and took that away from me, and when I got home I cried, I couldn't hold it back, and as I thought about the person I once loved and hurt, the pain drilled into my head even more. I just want this pain to stop already, and I wish I could just start over for Christ sake.