i've been going through a lot recently and i feel like my brain is flatlining, i have no strength to fight this shit anymore.

after being hospitalised in february and services dropping off the radar for months, i fell badly into chronically abusing dr\*gs, lost almost all of my money, and other self damaging behaviours.

i was then hospitalised again a couple of weeks ago and discharged myself following on from their negligent behaviour towards me which was appalling (my advocate is filing a complaint against them).

i really don't know where to go or what to do anymore. i feel like even the most intense treatment paths have completely failed me/aren't seeing my suffering. do i have to tear myself apart for them to listen?

i have beared my whole soul to these services and to the world, and no progress. i have no more strength to fight this.

i've tried to think about the future and find reasons to keep going, but nothing feels appealing or worth it anymore. my intrusive thoughts are so bad and the services have given me more trauma. i have nowhere to go anymore.

i don't even know why i am writing this post. i am just completely fucking lost now. they have broken me.