It just… hurts. He’s one of the healthiest partners I’ve had, but he brings out the worst in me in ways. I think I do him too. At the beginning, when all was happy, I was telling myself this would be the man I might spend forever with, smiling at my phone nonstop, giddy for our first meet… he told me it takes him a lot to get angry, and he has always seemed to have that nature, until a few months ago. He’s done more than just raise his voice at me, he’s screamed. In a voice that has triggered flashbacks from traumas. Afterwards, he feels remorseful. I can see it. But I sit there and think, how bad for each other are we if I can get a patient, relatively calm person to the extent of admitting even if he wasn’t going to, he’s felt like hitting me.
It’s even down to other things, like sexual compatibility. He is sexually and romantically attracted to me, but his libido is at the least slightly below average. I’m the opposite. I find myself upset about that, we’ve talked about it numerous times, so I’m not sure how to go about that. I don’t think there is a way. He is very against marriage, I’m not obsessed with the idea, but a part of me gets sad thinking about that. He is loving, but better physically. We are in a state of not being able to see each other for a few months, so that’s taking a toll on me in ways. I just don’t know what direction to take, I don’t know if I should stick it out and try to see if it can be worked on, or if I’m holding onto him out of fear of being alone, fear of thinking of him with someone else, happier, when that could’ve been us in a different reality, because I want it to be. I do. He doesn’t want to breakup, I know he loves me. But I keep getting so distant, so easily aggravated. It’s almost like I’m searching for problems at this point as well. 
Yet, we laugh together, we lay by each other and we admire the other. I’ve never met somebody as weird as him, in a good way. He’s unique. He’s him. Nobody but me will know for sure, but from the outside in, do you think it’s worth hanging onto him? I’m in a state of turmoil, I’m so very stuck. So in between.  I don’t want to lose somebody else.