Theres was a time in my life where i felt extremely depressed, lonely and burnt out for nearly two years. I actually wanted to commit suicide and self harmed.
  
I started getting better around September (of this year), I was happier than ever, maybe happier than i was before the 2 yrs of loneliness n stuff.

  but I noticed I couldn’t feel genuinely embarrassing no matter what i do qnd I couldn’t care less of what ppl think of me. It was really good (at that time, since i was very introverted before and scared of embarrassment) 
  It made me go out more and try to make more friends.


  Later, I couldnt feel genuinely worried or nervous. (That was great obviously) 

   Next, I wasnt afraid of anything, I became kinda like a daredevil ish. I found my self doing things I would never do 3 years ago. 

Then, I started to lack empathy, which is really weird because I used to be really thoughtful. Then the slow emotion lose of whatever started to make me worry. 


  Then recently, I couldnt feel genuinely happy or excited. It was December 23rd. Every year, no matter what happened, I would be so happy and excited around Christmas. Its my favorite time of the year, but on Christmas day, I knew I was I was supposed to be happy, but I couldnt feel it genuinely. I just wasnt happy. I couldn’t even have a real genuine smile on Christmas Day and I dont know why. 

    When I talk to my closest friend, It feels like she is hiding something from me or not beung genuine, but i realized, shes acting normally.  Am I the one who isnt being genuine? 


Heres some backstory, I used to be a genuinely happy person. I used to love everyone no matter what. I would forgive easily and put everyone before myself, but I was also self conscious and had very low self esteem. I thought I was ugly and thought being nice would cover it up.  After the two years of what seemed like depression(Im not sure tho and Im not going to give myself a self diagonsis or whatever) I changed my mindset to “Dont care what people think or you.” and basically “Dont care.” 

  “Oh something bad happens, Meh, i dont care, Its not like I can go back and change it.” 

“My boyfriend cheats on me? Just dump  his ass, if he deserved me he wouldnt have cheated”

  Maybe this isnt the best mindest but i used it to cope, build self confidence and esteem and I actually I was trying to convince myself that I didnt care. 

  I think becuase of that mindset, genuine emotions are leaving even when I dont want them to. 

  How do I get out of this mindset and get my genuine emotions back? 

(Sorry about my bad english, Grammar was never really my thing)

 
(also the emotions didnt slowly go away, they would go suddenly then I wake uo in the morning. Empathy, Happiness and Excitement left last week. 

I feel numb but like not the same numb feeling I felt during the depressed feeling time in my life.

This is a different numb.