I know I'm splitting. I know I'm having a BPD crisis moment. I know I'm in black/white thinking. I know - I can see it. But it HURTS. Why wasn't I worth picking? Why was I worth leaving? Why didn't he love me more than he loved the drugs? Why was I so easy to just throw away and risk? Why was I so easy to just leave????

Why can't he understand how much he hurt me??? Why doesn't he care!? 

All I can think about is how bad I want to self-harm and don't want to be here anymore.