TL;DR I know there are people who regularly cut themselves, or who find pain pleasurable, or even sexually arousing...but I'm a pussy when it comes to physical pain, and can't ever bring myself to do anything that damages my body, as pain and discomfort is just bad to me. 

All over the internet I've seen stuff about people who cut themselves regularly...and I've never been a cutter myself, so I don't really know what it's like, but when I tried to cut myself...I tried on a variety of different areas, but I went for more "fatal" areas, such as wrists, neck...and I couldn't get myself to spill even one drop of blood. At most I just made the skin kind of red and irritated, and/or left very faint red marks, but I wasn't able to get a single scratch or bleed, or actually break skin. My cats have given me way deeper and bloodier scratches.

And then there are people who find pain pleasurable, or who are even sexually aroused by pain...and it's like how...I wish I was like that, because it would probably make this whole suicidal thing easier, but I'm not. Even something as simple as an ingrown toenails, or a light scratch from my cat, or a very light burn or sunburn already hurts so much. 

All my suicide techniques in the past and current have failed, since I live with my mom and dad and only have access to household stuff and no weapons or guns. I just couldn't handle the pain. For the cutting I had tried kitchen knives and scissors. I had also tried drowning in the bathtub. I had also tried tying a plastic bag around my head. I had also tried hanging with a belt from my doorknob. I had contemplated jumping from my third floor apartment building, but it didn't look high enough to be fatal. I had also tried swallowing a large pointed screw, but pooped it out. 

And it's like fuck...why couldn't physical pain and discomfort feel good. It would make this shit so much easier.