I dont know what to do anymore. Recently I had a breakthrough and thought I'd be on the road of recovery but I guess not. Instead, I couldn't get a hold of myself and I kept losing grip on everything until today.

I have a boyfriend and he's amazing..honestly the most compatible person ever for me. But because Im getting worse, I've been treating him shittier too even though I dont want to. I fucked up big time today and said hurtful words I usually would never ever say even during a bad episode. It's our 8th monthsary tomorrow and we were supposed to celebrate by just hanging out but now I canceled on him.

Im losing grip of everything and I sincerely cant take anymore. I'll be going back to how I used to cope with these severe feelings and state: sleeping all day...so yeah I guess I'll mostly be asleep for two whole days. Wouldn't be surprised if tomorrow or next week, he finally breaks up with me.