Hi my name is Celestien (this is not my real name btw) and i've been diagnosed with clinical depression for 5 years and i want to die 
TO start with basic i'm 16, i live with a sister and my two parents and i'm in high school and everthing is wrong with my life
My father is alcoholic and he and his friend would come a lot to his "house" ( my mother and father can't handle each other but are not divorced so he lives in the first floor and we live ln the second floor) so he would invite his friends to come drink beer ( i live in Muslim country and he is Muslim so alcohol is not common at all here and if i'm not mistaken it's not allowed at all so he could take like a year in prison) 
So one time i was playing with his computer because i don't have one and i hear him in the next room talking to a guy and the guy started laughing and this piece of shit of a human being says "don't laugh that loud the fucking kid could hear you and he would say it all to his mother that bitch " and ofc i heard that..... 

He is also really violent and doesn't hesitate to hit he is also a heavy smoker, he's lazy and fucking retardedly stupid, and ofc he's cheating on my mom but since my mother is really sick and can't really work i can't tell her that's he's cheating (i live in a country where divorce laws are not in favor of the mother so even if we would get money of the divorce it would no be enough to live of of it and minors can't work so i can't work to helo the family

My sister is a huge problem too she's a liar and a thief she stole uncountable things (exemples? A lot of my  furniture from school, toys, makeup, fricking 5  pure gold necklaces and like 300$ (i think this the correct amount after doing the conversion of currencies)) and she's also the most annoying persons to talk too you know the Karen on the internet that will never admit wrong well she's like that : we have a dog who is the best boy ever but he is really sick he was born woth a malformation in his stomach so he can't eat most things and his diet is only carcass and meat but my sister didn't get the memo so she's fucking giving him pasta with cheese (the two things that he digests the least) because she was too fucking lazy to open the fucking fridge and give him bis food so he threw up every where and she didn't clean anything, when i asked here about it she wqs like he seemed hungry so i gave him.... i just got out in the fucking 50°C sun to get his food from a guy that sells it and you're too lazy to give it and i told her to clean and she threatened me to call mom and tell her that i Punched her, something i did only once as self defense because she fucking bited me and chewed a piece off my hand....

My mother has depression too and she's probably the person i care most about and relate most with but she is still messed up and she will always try to push wayyyyy past my limits i know it's because she wants me to succeed but i feel like i'm never enough for her and she's is also as i said really sick and the question of life or death is on the line with her

School life is horrible too i'm and ugly lonely depressed fucker so we can throw out the window the teenage love stories, k don't have a lot of friends and i feel like with the ones i do that they're struggling to cate for me and would prefer me gone i tried multiple times to like shut up for maybe 15min and they seemed to be finebut when i said something they all looked... Annoyed...

I hate my self for believing that i got out of depression i'm still fucking broken no self confidence no dreams no hope for a better future...  I didn't mention it but i already tried to comit suicide 9 times
5 by hunging my self
2 by cutting my self
1 jumping off the roof
1 drinking toxic stuff (forgot what it was probably some kind of cleaning liquid like bleach)but after all that i'm still living with no regrets i have no regrets about my past mistakes with my family girls and friends and i will have no regrets even if i die. 
I'm really thinking of killing my self but i don't know... I'm too scared