My boyfriend is still in touch with his ex girlfriends, they're friends and talk every so often, maybe once a month. His most recent one followed me on Instagram and we've had wholesome conversations, but I can't stop comparing myself to them. 


His Instagram consists of hundreds of posts where he had tagged them in the past in cute arts and wrote sappy captions and going to read them is like a form of self harm almost, it makes my heart ache so much, yet I can't stop but read through them a few times a week. I would never ask of him to delete them since they're precious memories with people he once loved, neither do I mind that he's friends with them. I think it's better to be friends with someone than to despise them, really. 


Despite me being okay with it, I still get so insecure and keep breaking my heart over it. Because when the nasty thoughts take over, all I can think about is how he probably just settled for me since I confessed to him but secretly wishes his ex girlfriend didn't lose feelings for him. Even though I know he loves me dearly, just as much as I love him. And I also feel hurt that I never get tagged in his Instagram myself and keep thinking that he's probably embarrassed to have me as his girlfriend, even though I know that's not true and that the real reason is just him not using the app nowadays. 


I just don't know how to get out of this vicious cycle, I know my boyfriend loves me and our relationship is so beautiful and healthy, but my brain still makes me think such toxic things and it makes me hate myself for even having these thoughts. Please please, if anyone had any advice on how to cope with this, I'd be beyond grateful. I really don't want to ruin this relationship with my insecurity.