Im trying to get use to having a new fp. Things were extremely abusive with my last fp and all fps prior. I don’t want this to go the same way. I’m trying to control myself more when it comes to being so attached and trying to find things to distract myself throughout the day because this is one of the only fps I’ve ever had that has a job and is busy all day. 

My main concern is that I attached to this person fairly quickly, we met on Instagram and then only talked for a day before we ended up meeting in person. We live extremely close to each other he’s about 5 or so mins away. 

So far he seems extremely nice one of the sweetest people I’ve met but, I’m just not sure if we are on the same page and this is the part that always kills me. I try to explain my bpd to people around me and I feel like I never explain it well enough or that when I try to explain what an fp is to my fp they don’t get it and that’s when everything goes downhill. 

I would love to be in a relationship with him and he’s hinted at wanting one but I’m confused why he hasn’t asked to be in one yet. I’m starting to think he may only view me as someone to hookup with and that’s going to destroy me in the end I just don’t know ... we kiss and cuddle and he calls me cute names ... I know the longer I let this go on it’s going to hurt me but I also don’t wanna lose him forever if I bring this up and then he isn’t interested in a relationship. I really wish we weren’t intimate so fast, I should’ve been better about setting boundaries about that. 

I feel like I mentally can’t afford to lose another fp this year :( I’ve lost two so far and feel like a failure or like I’m the issue, I’m so tired of this.