hi, i’m (17nb) going through a lot of bullshit rn. long story short i’m in a long term relationship with someone (17nb) that has mental health and drug abuse problems, but i am that way too (drug abuse to a wayy lesser extent for me though, i smoke weed and rarely do anything else). They are currently doing everything they can to recover and be happy and sober. Keep in mind my parents hate hate hate my partner and literally offered to pay me any sum of money to break up with them, but i literally plan on marrying my partner so i said no. Skip ahead and i had food poisoning so i smoked some weed at my house while my parents were at work (fuck i know please don’t tell me that i was an idiot please please i know and i fucking hate myself, trust me i know it was stupid) but long story short i’m in fat ass trouble and i have stopped smoking to make my parents happy. i just want them to love me dude that’s all i want. they told me they will never forgive me as long as i’m with my partner basically. i genuinely cant leave them i just can’t do it i love them so much and they make me so happy!!! my parents hate them and they are on the road to hating me. i got some texts from my mom earlier and ⚠️TW⚠️ i self harmed again. i am so sad i just want to be loved by them again. my partner is in a mental facility in a 72hour hold for a manic episode and i have nobody to talk to. i hate myself so much and nothing feels okay. i just want to go back to normal but it won’t happen. i hate my life god please kill me fuck.