I was diagnosed with BPD about 18 months ago. Since then I've worked with my Primary Care Doc and a therapist to regulate meds and work on coping with things. It was really helping me a lot for a while; but lately, it hasn't been working. I'm back in a huge depression. I have no joy for life or for maintaining my home or engaging with my children; I'm basically phoning it in and things feel so disingenuous and fake and mundane. I'm still getting racing, paranoid thoughts, I'm still dissociating (which is getting scarier and scarier), and I'm feeling like I don't belong anywhere and I don't really know who I am. Now, with all of this happening, my therapist is beginning to think it isn't BPD I have but rather *Bipolar* Disorder. The prospect of starting all over with a changed diagnosis, on top of the continued weight of living with the fact that there's "something wrong with me" is pushing deeper into this hole. The one silver lining is that I'm not suicidal. I really just want to lock myself away and never deal with another person and just handle my own life. As always your help and support is appreciated...and thank you for letting me vent this here. I really do appreciate you all.