So my fp abandoned me 2-3 months ago. No messages, no replies, not even a sign in she's still alive. I moved into the same building where she lives 3 days ago. She still doesn’t know that. At this point I'm afraid that she finds out. I’m so anxious.

Now I saw her name for the first time since then in a zoom meeting of my university. All the students build groups for this semester. I hoped that we will once again be in the same on (we always were). I heard her name. She’s in a group with other ppl. I’m one of the only once without a group.

I wanna puke. I don’t know, maybe I will. I’m so afraid of her. I need her so much. I wanna see her just once. I’m crying. I hate her! I hate myself.