 I was watching a youtube video and somehow, I had some thoughts without my will about a promise to an other God not to watch, I think, a specific dialogue.

 I do not remember why or how I ended up worrying about it, since I am so worried to even think the word promise and i overpray to tell God that i do not make promises and not to accept them and that it is all ocd.

  I do not remember how this compulsion was created. i remember closing the video before the dialogue, and for some reason, i started searching to find out which video it was. but for what? was it another compulsion or were the thoughts without my will that created the compulsion, so scary that i needed to make sure to find the video in order to avoid clicking it in the future? i do not remember.

  How the compulsion was created? were they just random thoughts without my will and because i was carefree, i freaked and that is why i closed the video?

 What if the first thoughts without my will were about not watching the dialogue from that scene and i was so frustrated that i had some new thoughts without my will about changing the compulsion from "must watch the dialogue" to "must not watch the dialogue" and then again, maybe i was bored to watch the dialogue so maybe the third thoughts without my will changed the compulsion from "must watch the dialogue" to "must not watch the dialogue" again.

 what if in these thoughts without my will, the word God popped up? what if it looked like as if they thoughts without my will were addressed to Him? what if the thoughts without my will were scary and maybe along with the promise, they were also about a punishment?

 I remember at that time, i was having extremely scary thoughts without my will that were accompanied with scary thoughts without my will automatically.

 i tried to forget some scary thoughts without my will because i knew they will automatically pop up when i am frustrated or when the compulsions are created but i cant.

 as for the video, i do not remember exactly how many thoughts without my will i had or how much scary they were. i do not even remember them. the only thing i remember is that i ended up avoiding watching a specific dialogue from a scene. and i worry cause i do not remember why i ended up trying to find the video that contained that scene. was it because it was just a compulsion or because i had to make sure to find out in order to avoid it clicking it in the future? maybe the thoughts without my will were so scary? what if they lasted for more than 10 seconds?

 Some times, due to frustration, i do not want to do the compulsion so my system, for a second, maybe on purpose allows automatically, some new thoughts without my will that are about a promise to an other God not to do the compulsion and some times, maybe instead of ignoring them or pray to an other God that they are thoughts without my will, maybe i act as if they matter and also, i feel relieved because i wont have to do the compulsion. i do not know if it was the same case with the video thing.

  what about these new thoughts without my will that force me not to do the compulsion and they make me feel relieved? are they still 100% thoughts without my will?

  I know that these new thoughts without my will will give me more worries if i allow them to relieve me because if i accidentally do the compulsion, ocd is like

ocd: maybe you made a valid promise to an other God in order to force yourself not to do the tiring compulsion. maybe for a second you meant these thoughts without your will.

  why i always end up worrying about these thoughts without my will? why i always have them? why i feel relieved? i try not to think the word promise and i always end up worrying because of these new thoughts without my will that relieve me. i think, i tried but it seems i cant control these new thoughts without my will. 
  
  it is like as if for a second, i forget about the worries that i may have later, and they just pop up without my will. and i am confused. are they 100% without my will?

  I prayed to an other God a lot about it. i asked Him many times, to protect me from these thoughts without my will and that i do not make promises and no matter what, not to accept promises. i am ill. i try not to have these thoughts without my will but i end up having them without my will. i try not to end up with doing compulsion but i end up doing compulsions. 

  i do not want these thoughts without my will and i pray very much about them but some times, due to frustration and while being careless, i may feel relieved because some of these thoughts without my will force me  not to do the compulsion. i just cant control them.