About two weeks back I moved back to my hostel to complete my master's degree. And I hate to admit it but I feel awful here. I want to go back home. There are days when the day goes by ok but that's about it. In these 15 days I've not once felt that I belong here. 
Yesterday my mother's health got bad and she's having a bad allergic reaction and her face, lips were so swollen and she has hives all over her body. When I saw her over video call, I lost my shit even more. 
I was already not adjusting that well and seeing her like that made me feel extremely sad and depressed. I've been crying for two days straight, thanks to anxiety causing me to think of very distressing thoughts about my mom. 
I can't go back home to visit because of covid guidelines in my university. I'm extremely homesick and so anxious. 
I am not even able to do my assignments as efficiently as I had planned. I just want her to get better soon, that's all. 
This isn't even the first time I'm coming to hostel, it's the second time. I thought this time would be easier but boy was I wrong. Last time when I was here I was doing so much better, so much so that I thought I could try living alone in the future because I liked it so much. 
This time, it's so fucking bad since the beginning only and I don't like it. I'm missing home. I wish I could go back.