My relationship with my ex ended completely on August 16th 2021 after about 8 breakups. Throughout the breakups the worst ones she threatened suicide, and she cut herself leaving suicide notes to my friends and her friends. Ever since this experience, whenever I catch feelings for a girl, i jmmediately get huge panic attacks and anxiety attacks as well. I just believe every girl is like this, i get flashbacks, i remember old feelings, i want to say similar to ptsd though people with that are far worse i believe. Recently I met a new girl who has proven to be great, family life is great, good personality, good outlook on life, and supports me. Though I still can't get this awful feeling from inside me before I go out to see her. It chokes me, It literally starves me, it makes me go to the toilet sick. It's insane. I figured I needed to do something about it. I went through a huge emotional Rollercoaster with myself for 30 minutes listening to emotional music and had a deep conversation with myself about it. I cried, i smiled, I understood and I feel better. As much as I'm happy. I want to know anything else I can do to finally break free from this literal curse. Thank you for your time, understanding, and reading.