12:00 - I'm an awesome person capable of doing anything
12:10 - Planning my suicide on hydrocodone and how I am literally incapable of being loved or deserving love and am trash
12:30 - Feeling euphoric and happy and like everything is going to be okay and perfect in the future
12:45 - Planning out my next 10 years of dominance
12:46 - Bad thought: Contemplating suicide again
   -- Repeats endlessly

And during my euphoric phases I sometimes just think to myself like 'WTF is this man? This is just so damn weird.' Like, I'm honestly in awe of how my emotions are just able to literally take me on a roller coaster ride ever day. 

With all that said, I just ended a relationship in which I fought my BPD impulses for three months, and finally just said fuck it and let my BPD run its course in front of her. I think it was important to do this once, as it let me see the full extent of my BPD and how others react to it. Obviously now I regret it because this emotional ride is not fun, but I think it was a needed learning experience. 

So, anybody else ever almost just laugh at the kafkaesque nature of BPD?