About a week ago i was in the car with my mom going to eat with my older brother, i felt so happy because i wasn't in a bad mood or sad. I was happy for a change then i realize that later that day i might have an episode and it hurt me because i knew i was gonna make everyone's day bad because of how i feel. Apart of me was wishing they understood that i don't like lashing out and me isolating myself is not being lazy. It seems whenever i feel happy thats when i had the really bad episodes and its rare but still enjoy the happiness when its there. I just wanna change so i dont have to feel like this anymore.