Howdy folks,

I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder and have been on several different medications over the years, with "stability" from an antipsychotic: Invega Trinza (tri-monthly paliperidone injection). My clinic thinks I'm stable because I have not been manic since I started the injections. However, I have had a decline in quality of life. I am tired all the time- I sleep any chance I can get. I am not motivated. My room is consistently a mess and the task of cleaning it is something always looming over me, yet I cannot bring myself to clean up after myself. I don't cook for myself, because then I would not only have to COOK, but CLEAN THE KITCHEN which is another daunting task. I go to work, come home and nap until it's bed time, then I sleep until work the next day. My emotions are flat-lined. I say I'm happy or sad or upset, but that's because that's what I want to be. I don't think I really "feel" emotions anymore. 

Before my journey with medicating for my bipolar, I was organized. My room was clean, I cooked for myself and others, I enjoyed things to a real extent. I felt. At this point, I feel like my time with this medication is over. I no longer wish to be a zombie that merely exists. I want to get excited for my future endeavors and feel creative and pursue them. I have a psych appointment next month and I plan on telling my psychiatrist that I want to ween off of the meds. I am expecting backlash (I receive free mental health care and the clinic obviously makes money off the people they serve). 

If you can relate, please reach out. I'd like to hear about your experiences with stopping meds and how life went for you after. Did you have withdrawals? Did you achieve a sense of clarity? I am hoping to find a piece of myself again after all these years. I can't believe I've let myself be like this for so long.