I hate it. I don’t feel real at all. I feel like I’m trying to impress her and my whole identity is doing things to get her approval and wanting her to just think of me. It’s so pathetic. I spend literally days just thinking about her and how I can impress or be with her and I wanna die it hurts so bad. I feel so worthless and like I don’t exist at all and I don’t enjoy anything. I wanna cry thinking about her. 

I’ve kissed her and she says I’m beautiful but I don’t feel a thing. I feel so empty and unhappy but with her I feel safe atleast. But she already has a gf and barely has time for me and I’m already in love and I want to be with her everyday. I fucking hate it. Nothing is enjoyable.

I got a “good” job I’m in therapy and stuff and I still feel so utterly worthless and ashamed and guilty for everything that it chokes me. I hate myself so much that it hurts. I feel ashamed when I spend money or when I do anything and I feel as though she would hate me or not regard me as anything. I feel so worthless and hollow even if I am “successful” and ppl resent me for it. But I seriously just feel nothing