This is a long story.

Two years ago I had unprotected sex with my girlfriend (currently she's 19 yo) and at that moment I was young and stupid, she didn't take the plan B either because we didn't think of it, I was not RESPONSIBLE and I regret so much. Since that day my anxiety started. I was googling every minute "will my gf get pregnant if I didnt... blabla" and the search results never calmed me down. Sometimes there were anxiety attacks and I didn't know what to do, but hey I'm still alive here typing. 2-3 weeks after we had sex her period came a few days late I think, were both kind of scared but I never showed my "anxious-scared" face, I always remained calmed to her. When her period came I was at her home preparing some chinese soup recipe that is good when the period is coming. I felt very relieved, I mean very very relieved. A few weeks after we had protected sex as I learned from the hard way. That emotion lasted for a few days and then I started to google the same stuff "period while being pregnant... bla bla". I was scared again and didn't know what to do. Anxiety attacks started to appear again and again. I went on vacation after her first period and her second period came as planned. I was still anxious and scared. I texted her once if I could purchase a pregnancy test and send it to her home, but she refused. She didn't want to do it and was very mad. At that moment I thought that the only way I will feel good is if she takes a test, but I have no way to do it.

After I got back from vacation, I bought a pregnancy test and brought it to her house, since then 3 months have passed and her periods came as usual. I was just trying to cure my anxiety. She did not like what I brought to her, she wanted to break up at that moment, she wanted to throw the test away. After some discussion, she told me she was going to do it. We were at a library bathroom and she entered the toiled and left in a few minutes. I didn't believe she took the test (This year I found out she didn't take the test), she came out of the bathroom and ran to home. She said nothing at first and then said she was not pregnant.

At that moment I believed her, and I tried all the ways to tell her how sorry I was, to apologize. Because I really did something that she didn´t want to do. Looking back now, I was very stupid and I am still.

From that till pandemic hit, we only had a few sex interaction and if we had penetrative sex, I always wore condom.

Since pandemic, we didn't have any sex interaction since she is twice as serious regarding the virus and stuff, and I was 100% ok with that.

Two months ago, we had a little sex interaction, oral sex and a bit of fingering. No penetrative sex occured. I cummed on her buttock standing and cleaned it afterwards. After that day, I haven't stopped thinking about it, and started googling stuff. I was stressed again. After 3 weeks of what occured, her period came as planned. Then a week ago, her second period came as usual too. Now, I'm writing this just to take a big piece of rock from my heart. I still struggle a lot and do not know how to deal with this anxiety. I send a question to a public sex education center a few moments ago but I still needed to post this.

Oh, my girlfriend has never been in birth control, she doesn't want to take it.

Thank you very much for reading.