 

I hope this 2021 will be the best year of my life, because I have been suffering enough in the past 20 years. Yes, 20 years of suffering. I am only 30 but since my family decided to move to another country, my life has been a mess. I have been suffering from bullying, poor grades, depression,anxiety, poverty, my father stopped working at 45 relying on disability and on my help to pay rent. Never been in a serious long term relationship. I have zero friends,useless degree because in high school my grades were just bad. Never worked in a full time job because nobody would hire me due to lack of experience. I am very anxious about my future, my job hunting so far is just depressing, rejections and rejections. My parents are not doing well, my mom working on minimum wage and my grandpa on wheelchair. He lives next to us, I am lucky to help him and visit him everyday. But nobody values it nowadays. For example, a recruited once asked me what I do in my free time and I asked that I help my family because they need me. She made a fake smile and of course I got rejected even if Iwas so motivated about the job. My parents dont own a house so I gotta help them even if my unempoyment benefit is low. I have no luck at all. My sister is only 26 but she is an engineer and lives with her boyfriend in a house by the fucking sea,also engineer. I am a failure, short, ugly with curly hair.

My cousins are so lucky, they havent finished their degree in fuckin ART and they moved to Europe and now work in intelligence finance departament with zero knowledge in English and math. Their are fucking buying new houses that cost less than 100k, mind you that their boyfriend pays a bid part because they work in good companies. Maybe if I get a sugar daddy my life would be better. This is not fair because I paid a lot to get my degree worked till 10pm almost everyday and their got their degree for free because they lived in south america.

If this year my life doesn't get better, I do not what to do. I know people whose life changed for better suddenly but I don't believe this will happen to me.

I cant even get a normal job and get a normal life, I AM SO ASHAMED OF MY SITUATION

People judge me for living with my parents (in this fucking town in the middle of nowhere with 45 degrees in summer with primitive people) and helping them but they don't know the whole story and what happens behind the scenes.

Last time I celebrate birthday with friends was in 2000. I was really happy back then.

Thank you for reading and please, write some kind words I really need them