Just something that has been bothering me a lot recently. 

So I attempted suicide back in November and it was obviously a really rough time, but I was very thrown by the responses of my friends. I only ended up telling three people because it was such a bad experience.

Also for context one of the reasons I attempted was that I was worried about being a burden on everyone around me and causing nothing but stress. 

1. One friend literally just said “sorry that happened” then literally didn’t mention it again. That one sentence was the entire conversation &amp; we have never talked about it since. 

2. One friend was really sweet but clearly over his head, and just told me “don’t worry about it, it’s over now.” He then messaged me a couple times about how stressed he was about me.

The third friend is the one that kind of gets me the most? I should probably preface this with saying they’re autistic so I’m not as bothered as I might otherwise be re: how they choose to phrase things and interpret my statements. I do think that's relevant to some of the ways they dealt with this. BUT I still think a lot of it was fundamentally fucked up. 

Basically I told them what happened, they asked me if I wanted to talk about it. I said I didn’t really have a good explanation and then they IMMEDIATELY changed the subject and started talking about other things. Which is sort of my fault because if I wanted to talk I should have said that more clearly, but it was still pretty obvious that they just didn’t want to talk about it. 

Anyway, literally a week later they messaged me because they were stressed about something, and they wanted to talk. So I called them, and they told me they were getting depressed because their friends were having mental health issues which was like ??? That’s me? I didn’t want to misunderstand or project so I asked if they were talking about me, and they said YES. 

So personally I thought that was bizarre and decided to stop talking about mental health or stressful situations with them. Before this, they hadn’t talked much about their mental health, but IMMEDIATELY after the conversation where they told me I was causing them depression, they started messaging me constantly about how depressed they were and how much they hated their life sending me memes about how sad they were. We got into this routine where I was constantly calling them so they could talk about their problems. On one hand it’s genuinely good that they started to feel comfortable with talking to me but it really rubs me the wrong way that they chose to start doing literally one week after I’d tried to kill myself and one day after they told me talking about my life causes them depression. 

Now the situation is such that they talk to me about their problems and I do not talk to them. They keep telling me how close they feel to me and tbh I don’t really feel all that close to them because it’s such a ridiculously uneven scenario. 

On the very few times I do talk about myself they immediately make it so the situation is about them. They also do this thing that I absolutely hate where they’ll randomly message me a reminder to eat or suggest I go for a walk or something but it’s literally just so they can tell me that they’re too sad to go for a walk or eat. 

Anyway this is mostly just a vent because there’s no one I can realistically talk to about this. I don’t know if I’m just overreacting but it feels kind of fucked up to me.