This year has been the worst for me. And yet I still try my hardest to be at least a semi-decent student. Even when the days, weeks, months are unbearably shitty. I put in effort when writing my essays, when studying for my test and doing assignments. Yes I know it's not fucking perfect, yes I know I should avoid putting it off until the day before but this semester I just couldn't help myself at times. But regardless I never once totally neglected my duties. I tried even when my brain, heart and body just hated everything and everyone. I still try. I try to care about this shit. I try to do it if not for its own sake, for the simple reason that I have something to do everyday to distract me from the demons in my mind. 

And yet, I can see the train about to crash. I see my shitty assessment marks and I'm reminded that not only do I think I'm a failure, so does the world. I have no hope left, no ambition, no drive or motivation. Nothing. And it feels like everything is falling apart. The little that I have to give is shit. And every time I feel like I've hit rock bottom, I'm rudely reminded that there's always another layer for ne to descend to.