Last night I came home from a party to find my partner on the ground under the bed. I was terrified and still am. I thought he might’ve od’d or something and that it was my fault. 

He turned out to have passed out from benzos or something and I sort of told him to take one cuz he was panicking at a point earlier in the day..?? But I didn’t mean to make him get hurt or anything and not sure what else happened after i left bc he seemed fine when I left. 

We had a very emotionally abusive relationship and are both not mentally healthy.. 

I’m not sure what to do now. I’m relieved he’s ok but I’m terrified now. I’m manipulative in ways I don’t even see when I’m doing it and dont often tell him I love him because I’m angry a lot. I feel really really shitty and guilty and just don’t know how to recover from this. 