One of my friends rejected me, yeah it was a few months ago but I still feel like killing myself over it because it makes me feel like I’m ugly. We were self-isolation flatmates and after a few days of knowing him, we cuddled, he let me kiss him, he asked me to cuddle in his room that same night and we fell asleep together. He would stroke my hair and has cuddled me when I was cold on two different occasions. However, why else would he reject me? He seems pretty desperate for a relationship so he must think I’m not pretty.

I’ve been trying to get skinnier because I hate my weight and maybe if I lost more weight I would actually not get rejected. I’m developing feelings for another guy and I think I have a better chance with him but fantasizing about being with him makes me feel horrible because what if he just rejects me like my friend did? 

I feel so ugly and I wish I looked like all those pretty European girls looked like. I just moved to the UK from the US and the girls are so much skinnier and I hate the fact that I’m only half white, being mixed makes me feel ugly in comparison to those white girls because I feel I will never live up to those beauty preferences most of these European guys seem to have. 

I feel so suicidal since I ate more than I wanted to today. How do I stop this