It's not the memories of the trauma but the obstacles moving forward is what hurts the most now. I was just thinking how my relationships with people, family, friends, significant others never works out for me. Maybe they're just fine relationships with other people but I've never seen a friendship flourish for me since I was a kid. I've seen plenty of fun friendships come about that don't include me, and honestly that shit hurts so much. I'm not good at describing everything that's going through my mind right now but I'm just so sad and crying. Don't forget even get me started with the horrible way I act to my boyfriend who literally provides everything for me. 

But nonetheless, do you guys struggle to be fun and friendly to people and generally a cranky person behind closed doors? 

P.s. I'm on a mood stabilizer and ssri and I'm not planning on hurting myself or others. Just want to hear if someone can relate or understand.