I can feel how the depressive episode is coming, I tried to  lie to myself the last days that isn't true and I'm fine.. That I'm stable and I'll be for a while. 
 I listened to my therapist concerns and advice of interact socially more and I went out a couple of time with some people my age but they disappointed me and turned out fake like the rest I know. I have difficulty connecting with people my age cause I come out as too "serious and mature" and my older friends are too busy with their own life... But it's not that that trigger my episode I think, yeah I am more lonely and starting Isolating myself from everyone and everything, I just feel sad and tired of everything. 
I need to also function normally for my studies that I'm failing because of the episodes that keep messing my head. I'm tired of hoping Im better and the next second an episode is coming. And I'm tired of faking my stability for the others around, it hurts me and I feel like they are tired of me and my disorder. 
Also I started rewatching Mr. Robot so my mental health degenerating even more :)) 

I just want to feel stability...