My father was diagnosed with multiple cancers yesterday, and it triggered me. I just had 7 Valium, don't go out and drink myself to passing out only because my father is with fever. He will be put in the hospital on Monday. I'm seeking sexual contacts, watching pornos and manipulating a girl into being my girlfriend. 
I am triggered, on full BPD mode and I don't know when it will stop. I'm doing almost anything to not hurt others while I'm at this state.
My daughter died six months ago and my father's cancer diagnosis is too much for me. I really fear that I will kill myself when my dad dies.