since freshmen year in HS (i’m a senior in college now) I have never had consistent people…. besides very very few… whenever I somewhat relate to people in a mental capacity and they show concern and care for me and trust me with their thoughts, I become SOO attached. this isn’t even anything romantic but friend wise I want to be with them always and have deep talks. if they show any sort of resistance or what (to me) is a questionable action I need reassurance so I will ask for it in my own ways. it works sometimes but the problem is that I keep needing it… I didn’t even know about bpd until recently and I desperately don’t want to feel this way… I hate it. because eventually people are like “why can’t u trust our friendship” or “why can’t u reassure yourself?” because I just can’t… I need to hear it from them. then it becomes this big deal of me taking shit too personally and creating drama. people genuinely think I purposefully create drama because I like it. that breaks my heart because I desperately don’t want to feel the need for reassurance. I just want to make sure they won’t leave me…. I can’t deal with the loss of friends anymore. it breaks me so much and it has to be me because everyone leaves me, even when they know people have left me in the past.