A close relative and I both suffer from depression and anxiety. Her primary diagnosis is bpd, which I don't have. So, while I can relate to a lot of her issues, some of her traits are very difficult for me to handle. This has caused me to withdraw from her, even though we used to be very close. I was wondering if anyone could give me any 'insider tips' about how to handle interactions with her.

Probably my biggest problem is that I'm confused by the concept of splitting. Sometimes she blames me for all her problems (going back to childhood experiences), other times she expects me to be her biggest support system. With my own issues, I can't emotionally handle that responsibility, and even though I've explained this to her, she still seems to think I somehow owe it to her. I find it difficult to interact with her, because I never know what to expect. Either I'm her worst enemy, or I'm her guide dog.

I also feel hurt by her manipulative behavior. She is constantly trying to make people feel sorry for her, putting others down to make herself feel superior, making herself out to be the victim in any disagreement, starting drama, lying to get her way, etc. I know that all of this comes from her bpd, and doesn't mean that she is actually a bad person, but it still makes me angry, and I don't want to accept this kind of treatment from her anymore.

Can anyone give me advice on how to have a healthy relationship with this person?