I’m 27 years old and I’ve been struggling with depression/social anxiety ever since I was in middle school, so around 13/14 years old. My parents were of no help with this because they were emotionally/verbally abusive to me (especially my mom). It just seems like everyday is just a struggle to get through without completely breaking down. I try to do things that are healthy for me, I work, I exercise, I do all of that shit, I’ve done therapy, but guess what, it hasn’t helped one bit. It doesn’t make me feel any better about myself. I’m still working at a shitty ass job, still living at home, still feeling alone and miserable, still dealing with my emotionally abusive parents, I mean it seems like the only reason I haven’t stuck a gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger is because some nights I drown my sorrows at the bottom of a bottle (not every night, but probably more than I should). And now my parents think I’m some kind of raging alcoholic that is mean and cruel to them, which sounds to me like textbook gaslighting behavior because they have been worse to me. I’m struggling to deal with it and I’m completely miserable and embarrassed with myself and my situation. “But joebannaners, why don’t you just move out?” You think I haven’t fucking thought of that before? Fuck I can’t stop thinking about that, but I haven’t been able to save enough money to even entertain that idea and my shitty job doesn’t net me enough income to even consider it at this point (I live in one of the most expensive places to live in the country). I guess this is just it and I have to deal with the shitty hand that life has dealt me. I’m too much of a coward to end it all, and I guess I’ll just die eventually alone and miserable. I don’t really know how to cope anymore and I just might be reaching the end of my rope. It sucks just thinking about it, and it’s all I think about. I know I need help but so far that “help” hasn’t amounted to anything. Fuck, rant over, I just needed to get that off my chest and I guess random redditors is the safest place I can find right now.