I discovered what the term 'splitting' meant thanks to this Reddit, and whilst I personally don't do this very often (only when I am super mad and irrational, but not as a general rule), I have realised my mother does it all the damn time.

This month I had to leave work to become her and my dad's full-time carer (she has COPD, and my dad has Heart and Kidney Failure and can't properly look after her any more) so I do all the cooking, cleaning, ironing, shopping, dishes, etc etc. 

Yet she says I am lazy, I never do anything, she calls me names, she accused me of using her disability to quit work and get 'free money' from the government (I mean seriously how fucking dare she, excuse my French). I was made redundant in 2013 and a week after losing my job said I was a freeloader who was taking advantage of them. 

She also once compared my weight to my sister's. Oh, my sister was 8 months pregnant and suffering with some mondo water retention. She said my sister was 'almost caught up with me' (again how fucking dare she right? I wasn't even fat back then)

And yet when the mood strikes, I am amazing, funny, creative, pretty, and I quote 'I have never, EVER put you down. Ever', and she will often literally change facts and memories to suit whatever argument she wants to lay down.

Couple that with all the general stuff that she literally just makes up out of thin air (usually surrounding her disability in an attempt to guilt trip, such as 'you gave me the wrong fork, I can't eat with this one' or 'I can't drink tea out of this mug any more, it's hurting my hand' (then she'll totally forget and use the mug the same day).

As I say this is only a trait I tend to exhibit heat-of-the-moment in an irrational argument, but she does it so frequently it's like whiplash and having a conversation is like deciding what wire to cut on a ticking bomb.

Sorry for the long vent. Anyone know how to deal with this? When I do it myself I can sometimes pull myself back from it, but she's 10000x worse than me.

I keep stupidly arguing and trying to rationalise with her, but her argument will change and her point will change just so she wins (she usually tries to have the last word with immature stuff like 'I know you are but what am I' kind of arguments)