I left SF before the quarantine stuff set in because I was passed at the bf who dumped me. I didn't think I'd be in STL for so long. But it's given me a lot of time to think. 

And I think I'm okay with the whole thing. I've started looking online at other apartments to move to if I got back to SF. And at apartments in Chicago. 

I think this shelter in place, stay at home order has been really good. If I had been trapped with him for months not being able to go anywhere, I'd lose my mind. 

At first I wanted to keep trying to make it work. And he's since said he doesn't want our breakup to be permanent. But now I think I do. 

Being OCD, on top of my other alphabet soup of diagnoses, I have a spreadsheet of the days going back to when I left SF and who texted whom first. He's texted me 6 times first. And that was over 6 weeks. 

I asked him if he'd post pictures of our cat on IG so I can see her since I miss her, he hasn't posted once. 

I asked him if he would call me 2 times a week, he's called me 3 times total. 

I am the only one making any effort, and I am very much losing interest in trying.

So there it is. I'm done. I don't know how to tell him, I think I may just fade away. Until it's time to go back and get my stuff. But by then I'm sure he'll have figured it out. 

I should be an adult and tell him I do want this breakup to be permanent. I'm not good at this kind of stuff. 

But I'm glad I've had this time without him to realize he's not the right guy for me. I think I was just holding on because I didn't want to be alone. 

But I can be alone. I can make a life for myself without him. I will be okay.