I thought I was doing alright.. not good, but alright. Bit low here and there but generally I was doing alright.

Tonight I just feel sad. Been sad for a while but trying to ignore it hoping to ride the wave out so I’ll be alright again, but I can feel myself getting back into my depressive thoughts and self-destructive tendencies.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my drug addiction days. How a few years ago I was “fake-happy” because if the drugs and how I felt when I was either doing coke or mdma. While I know it was bad for me it just felt so much easier. I was just happy.

I’m not happy now… idk it feels hard to explain