It took a long time for me to realize what was wrong with me. 22.5 years to be exact. Years of never having real friends. Wondering why no one liked me.  Wondering why I behaved so weirdly. Why I compulsively lied. Why I rubbed every single person the wrong way. Still I tried but I can't try anymore. I feel so hollow. I can't afford expensive treatment to fix this and as I discovered I can't fix myself either. I don't have a single person that I can share this with and I'm so fucking exhausted. Tired of pretending. Tired of seeing people sail through life while I struggle and obsess over everything I do. Tired of it all. Today's the first day it crossed into my mind and I didn't have one reason to convince myself to not do it.

Goodbye