I’m getting to be nearly 30 and I feel stuck trying to do the right thing for myself. 

For some context, I went to art school and it hasn’t paid off quite the way I’d expected. Also, I have GAD and panic disorder. 

Everybody in my family (mother, father, brother, sister) is geared towards math and/or computer science. Their careers have been incredibly lucrative and they all have at least 6 figure incomes. They treat me like I’ve completely failed in my pursuits and this often leads me to question my path in life. They would like to see me do something else than work a day job and freelance art when I can.

My aunt was just discovered by some clothing company which bought a few of her designs and my dad keeps sending me updates on her success…idk if he’s fucking with me or what.

At this point my sister has offered to pay for another degree. I don’t want to pass up the opportunity but I just started a new job and I dunno what the hell I would get a degree in. Whenever I mention my art my mom always tells me it’s a gamble and statistically I will not be successful. Unlike dropping my entire life and going after a random degree… yeah that’s not a gamble at all…

My girlfriend is very supportive of my art but she’s going off to school in another state for her masters degree. At the same time she would like to see me pursue higher education, perhaps in something adjacent to my art degree. My family is in firm in their position that any career related to art is a fucking crap shoot. 

It’s not like I’m a shit artist and have never had a client. I’ve just always been scared to drop my day job. I’ve had plenty of satisfied clients and worked as a designer at a company for a college internship. They still produce my designs.

So now I have this fractal of possibilities ahead of me which is really breaking me down. I don’t want to let anybody down. I don’t know what to get *another* degree in. The uncertainty of the future of my relationship is making me sad. My job is a major physical toll for the pay and in ways I agree with my folks that I could do better.

I’m so worn out I just want to curl up and cease to exist. No expectations or consequences. I feel an impending doom and sadness hanging over me almost all the time.

What the fuck do I do here?? What’s my first step?? I’m caught in negative thought loops and analysis paralysis.

TL;DR I just wanna make art, man…. Nobody in my family believes in me, they’d rather I change to be like them and they even want to pay for it. I’m fucking stuck. Looking for input.