I (25F) am not sure how to explain this without it coming off as though he’s constantly a drunk, because he’s not and I don’t feel as though that’s the issue. My boyfriend (25M) drinks socially with his friends that he sees a few times a week. He’s finishing up college currently and we hope to be moving next year when he graduates.

The problem is the minute he says that he’s drunk, I get anxious. It only happens once every now and then, maybe every few weeks or so, and almost always with his friends. When I’m with him, if he drinks, I’m generally not very concerned because I’m physically there to “protect” him in a way.

 We don’t live together quite yet, so the nights he is with his friends without me they enjoy their time and drink socially (and excessively). But when I’m not with him, I can’t help but grow anxious. I can’t help but think about all of the things that could go wrong, and it clouds my thoughts. It’s to the point now that I start to associate his friends with him drinking, which isn’t true. They don’t always drink. However, they do like to tease my boyfriend and tell tall tales about nights where he has been blackout drunk and done stupid things, which obviously worries me more and doesn’t help my association. I feel as though I could handle him being blackout drunk as long as I’m with him to protect him. In some ways, I don’t trust his friends wholeheartedly even though I know they wouldn’t let anything too bad happen.

I don’t really know how to cope with this. I’ve talked to my boyfriend about this before, because he knows I get worried about it. When I do talk about it, I feel controlling in the sense I’m telling him how to live his life. He feels as though I’m ruining his time with his friends when I act like this. 

Obviously this is just surface layer and I could never explain the complexities of our entire relationship and love. But overall I know and have a feeling my anxiety is the problem, not him. I don’t really have anyone in my life who suffers with general anxiety like me, and I feel like I need some advice from people who can understand. In my ideal world he would only ever drink, or at least drink with the intention of being drunk, around me. I just don’t know how to cope with these nights where I know he’s drunk, or potentially blackout drunk, without me being physically there to sedate my anxiety.