I’m struggling. Drinking too much, harming more, sleeping and eating too much. 

My boyfriend is getting tired of me, I can tell. I don’t know how much more of this he can put up with. 

I want to give him an out and let him know that if I’m getting too much for him then he can leave and I won’t blame him. He deserves more than me. We’ve been together for about 6 months and I love him, but I need him to know that he CAN go, I don’t want to bring him down. Despite this, I’m so aware that if I say this to him it could be seen as me being manipulative to make him stay. I spend most of my time trying NOT to come across as manipulative bc I know that’s the stigma that’s placed on people with BPD.

Also having a hard time with my friends, I’m trying so so so hard to keep them all happy and keep them all alive and everybody is struggling and I feel like the responsibility for my friends lives has been put on my shoulders. I can’t have another friend kill themselves on me. Not another one. 

I’m going insane. I don’t wanna do this anymore. I want my brain to just be healthy. Struggling.