i just know i can never be anything good. i am a pathetic person who will never be as good as i want to be or as good as everyone expects me to be. 

\- im almost 19 and i still cant cook. i dont do my laundry either because my mum just does it and with juggling with studies etc it is just harder and harder for me to do any chores. i cant commit to anything and at this point im too demotivated and lazy to try.

\- i dont have my "dream" body type. i try losing weight so many times but i almost always lose momentum after a few weeks and then stop, which makes me feel really mad so i binge eat and fall into unhealthy lifestyle for months, which makes me gain even more weight. this keeps happening. recently i became really insecure abt my appearance and dont think im attractive at all. going outside and seeing all the other pretty people my age just makes me more upset.

\- no social skills. im naturally an introvert and due to covid i didnt have much social interactions which made my social skills even worse. im terrified of starting college because i feel like i wont be able to make any friends. also my struggle with self image and overall confidence plays a big role too. i dont think im good enough for anyone. 

\- lost contact w most of my friends. i used to be content just having 2-3 close friends around but they all stopped talking to me. i still chat with one, but its clear based on our dry conversations that its not going to last long either.

\- stress from my overall controlling and stubborn parents pile up every now and then. i hate my home life. i dont want to expand too much on this because im gonna get myself even more upset. 

i dont know what the point of this post is tbh. i just wanted to vent. these feelings have been circulating me a lot recently. probably because college starts again soon and i have to face reality. i havent felt like such a loser in so long.