This is my first time posting here so I’m sorry if it’s the wrong place or wrong tag. I’m having a breakdown and can’t think straight. 

I (20f) recently got sick about within the last two days. Sore throat and some coughing. I don’t know why but I just can barely do anything when I’m sick. I don’t even think it’s as bad as other people, maybe I’m just sensitive I’m not sure. But every time I get sick I get this overwhelming anxiety that I’m gonna get left by everyone and no one will care for me. My mom usually always is there but she’s left for a trip for a few weeks and the rest of my family doesn’t have caretaking qualities. I don’t even think I’m afraid of passing or whatever health problems come from it. It’s just the pure thought of being alone, abandoned and sick. 

For reference my sister (f41) passed from cancer in 2018 and it was like losing my other mother. I witnessed how her husband abandoned her and her kids, he would make excuses just to see someone else and never paid for any of her treatments or service or come when she needed him. I think at the end she felt utterly abandoned even though my mom spend day and night with her. 

I feel scared and trapped and vulnerable every time I get sick. Just being at the doctor alone makes me feel horrible no matter what I’m there for. 

My boyfriend knows I’m sick and he’s offering to do all these things for me and come see me but I’m scared. He’s showing me and doing things for me but I can’t push away this feeling. Like I don’t know what needs to happen for me to understand i’m not really alone. I don’t know what to do besides cry and overthink.