In 2019, I left my country for the first time for international travel with my wife. I remember that, when we went to one restaurant, all I could think about was how pointless life was and that nothing made sense (sudden thoughts). When we were in France, I started feeling ill, like dizzy, and it suddenly became something like a strong flu, and I started throwing up and having diarrhea. It freaked me out, I became severely depressed (I don't have depression), all I could think about was how I needed to get back home or I was going to die. I hardly ever cry, but, at that time, I was crying desperately. We cancelled all the plans, no refunds, and went back home. Turns out I had some sort of toxic food that made me ill, had to go to the hospital, and had a recovery.

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Ever since then, I'm deeply afraid of travelling. Since the pandemic started, we didn't get to travel (only to see our parents), and we have our first travel booked for next Saturday (inside the country, just in another State). One week.

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Sometimes all I can think about is how I'm going to die by being infected with COVID. We started talking about cancelling the trip. We won't be in crowds, it's much more a romantic trip than anything. We decided to go. I believe I have developed some sort of trauma of travelling. I feel I can't let it have control over me, and I often reassure me that everything is going to be alright: we're being all cautious, and even though there is a chance things will go wrong, we will take all the necessary actions to ensure everything goes well. My deepest fear, I see, is that sudden depressive thoughts take over me on the travel. I don't know why they occur and I hardly ever have them - I usually face these things with philosophy and they don't bother me at all, but it seems like at those times I'm way too vulnerable.