So uhh, I made one other post here.. Haven't really been around much, so nobody here really knows my story..  


I have a really rough past, been diagnosed (mostly misdiagnosed) throughout a life of chaos, heavy, heavy chaos.. lol... I was recently (a year and some months ago) diagnosed with BPD, probably a feat that could only be achieved now that I'm an adult of 32, and can control myself a bit more to some extent due to some medications and herbs I take..  


I was expelled from school in the 7th grade, been addicted to a slew of drugs, most likely more than the average person knows of/can imagine... I've had a very.. dramatic sexual and criminal history, my family is in shambles because of me, alone, I've drained the funds, literally, my families money, the list goes on and on, and I really will not get into it too deeply, unless asked, and I'll try and dodge anything graphic, so don't try (ya dirty little buggers) but we'll just say, and you can safely assume, I'm a pretty DRASTIC and DRAMATIC case of a young man with BPD.  


For the longest time, my drug of choice as an addict, was of the opioid agonist persuasion, it leveled me, it was my baby, my love, my girl, the one that would never hurt me, but unfortunately, because of its legal status, the fact that it isn't covered by insurance, how it leads you to other users (who often have BPD themselves, and are a bad influence) these things will make you go broke, they'll make you commit crime (possibly,) you'll do jail time, you will wind up... homeless... And I did.

However, real recovery, and my miracle was discovered in detox.. When they put me on Buprenorphine to treat my addiction, I noticed that when I was on it, I wasn't having manic episodes AT ALL the days that I took it, for the first 10 hours after a dose.. Now usually I have a manic episode all day, every day, just constantly manic (this is how I was before heroin, this is how I am now, but heroin stopped that..) I will go back and forth rapidly from being okay, to incredibly agitated, depressed, you name it, it's a COASTER.. and any interaction could cause that to change... Many of my addict friends that have BPD report the same thing with Buprenorphine, and I'm thinking about trying to get back on it.  


I came to these conclusions today, hopeless, thinking back on meds that helped me, because my psychiatrist isn't being very helpful or fast with trying different meds. I also did a little research and managed to find a lot of info on how BPD might be caused majorly by a dysfunctional dopaminergic reward system over on pubmed, and that symptoms can be treated pretty effectively by stimulating the EOS (endogenous opioid system.) -&gt;  [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20438240](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20438240)  


Currently, I use marijuana, which helps a lot, but not as much as it should. I'm going to try Kratom. it's a completely legal herbal supplement that stimulates the EOS. I actually had an ex with BPD that used Kratom for it, which I recalled when the name Kratom popped up looking for ways to herbally stimulate the EOS online. It can be bought online by the pound for like 50-100 bucks depending on source..  


There's a shop here in my city that sells Kratom herbal supplements, they're overpriced cause they're kind of hipster-y looking and sold in fancy packaging, but I'm going to pick some up tomorrow, the smallest amount they sell, and see what effect it has on me.. I'll wait until after my mom (who also has BPD, she's seeing the therapist and psychiatrist too, with me,) gets me going real good, and then I'll take a dose and see how well it levels me.   


I'll be back to let y'all know the results if you're interested. :)