I know it's a bad stereotype that people with BPD are "incapable" of love. I don't believe that at all, and yet I really struggle to feel this mythical "love" and wonder if anyone else can relate. 

Every time a close family member or friend says "I love you" I feel incredibly uncomfortable &amp; fraudulent; when I say "I love you too," I can't shake the feeling that I'm lying. I think this has to do with feeling disconnected from people, like I don't know who I am/no sense of self so I don't understand how I can love (or be loved) although I know I care deeply for these people. I had no real examples of healthy love growing up so it makes sense to me that this is a trauma/BPD related thing but I guess I'm worried I have another issue haha.

I've one exception to this rule: my ex. We were best friends first and we freely exchanged (platonic) I love you's during our friendship well before dating/him unfortunately becoming my FP. He was like the secure family I don't have, so I never felt like I was lying when I said I love you, and I simply felt safe and happy when he said it instead of uncomfortable. Idk how to explain this blip and I desperately wish I could feel that with others. I even feel like I'm lying when I tell my DOG that I love her and dogs are supposed to be our model of secure love. :( I'm currently away and I miss my dog so I care...but when I'm with her I'm like what is a dog and how do I love one if we can't even like, talk? 

I can't really discuss this with anyone in my life because I feel awful saying "every time I tell you I love you, I'm just forcing it!!!" (ironically, hearing that from someone else sounds like my worst fear). Is this something anyone else feels - or better yet, felt in the past before beginning their healing process? :-) Thank you in advance for sharing.