So, I've never been in a real relationship with one of my FP's before. It's always been a lot of just FWB or pining after a best friend if you catch my drift. 
But I've finally found someone who was willing to enter a relationship with me, but it's so hard!!

Every second I just sit there, convincing myself he hates me, he's using me, etc. It's too exhausting to constantly ask if he loves me/finds me attractive/etc so I just sit there, splitting since I'm convinced he now hates me, and wishes I was someone he used to see. 

We've been 'together' for about 6 months, and the hardest part is I'm extremely put off by being emotionally vulnerable. He tries to get me to talk about how I feel/why I'm upset, but I just can't. If I talk about how I feel openly, he'll leave. But he gets so frustrated not being able to help, and I just lash out when he asks what's wrong, and then I cry from the guilt.
It's a vicious cycle. Idk. I'm rambling. 
Is there any advice any other borderline can offer for a first time relationship??
I really don't want this to fail, but I feel like he's gonna get tired of trying to fix me!!