I’ve suspected i might be undiagnosed BPD, i fit all the criteria that i read up on BPD in men. I’ve always presented as NPD but realized i also showed BPD traits but now feel like i’ve just completely shifted as BPD ever since my collapse. Idk if it’s just because of the collapse, dissociation, repeated trauma &amp; feeling mentally/emotionally abused from my exwBPD that i dated for 5 years the “love of my life” who was also my absolute bestfriend i guess you can say she was my FP. Or maybe it’s how my spiral i ended up with addiction abusing drugs/alcohol heavily which even though i’ve used different drugs occasionally i never fell into addiction so i’m sure it’s atleast making my mental health worse meanwhile only happened as a result of the mental crisis/trauma. 

Anyway these are all symptoms i’ve read up on for BPD in men &amp; i fit into all of them : 
Fear of abandonment often terrified of being abandoned or left alone…Unstable relationships…Unclear or shifting self-image… Impulsive behavior…self-destructive behaviors…Self-harm…Extreme emotional swings…Chronic feelings of emptiness…Explosive anger…Substance Abuse… Reckless driving… Binge eating… Reckless spending… Anxiety &amp; Paranoia…  Self hate…Recurring suicidal thoughts… Extreme trust difficulties with fearing peoples true intentions… 

Not a day goes by i’m never struggling with most or all of these ever since my breaking point, I haven’t felt anything like i used to. Idk what else would explain what i been dealing with unless i’m just stuck as vulnerable , haven’t recovered after feeling severely traumatized from my last relationship/ex , &amp; still self destructive trying to cope with it.