The last couple of weeks I have been so confused about every aspect of my life. Not just confused, more like don't know who I even am or who the person in my brain is kinda confused.

My opinions, wants, and needs keep shifting rapidly and it's scaring me. I love life and feel so inspired one minute, the next I want to jump off a bridge or slash myself with a scalpel. These highs and lows are caused by the tiniest triggers, they're unavoidable. 

I usually don't suffer with a predominately unstable sense of self, I'm confused as to why this aspect of BPD is affecting me so intensely at the moment. I have no access to DBT and the therapist I do have isnt even qualified to treat patients with BPD. He has no idea how to help me in regards to the disorder. In terms of professional help I'm alone essentially. I feel like just sabotaging my relationship and self harming/killing myself. Though in who knows when (a minute, maybe a hour, or a day from now?) I'll be back to feeling blessed to walk the earth and my family, partner, and friends will be perfect people again. 

This is exhausting to live with. 



