Won’t go into too many details, but basically when something happens that puts me into a ‘bad’ episode, I start to just...wreck everything else. It’s like the domino effect, soon there’s nothing left for me to hold on to.

Recently I started getting to know this guy I really like (and of course started picturing what a future with him could be like, but managed to keep those thoughts to myself). Then I got some bad news (being made redundant) and started spiralling out of control. Demanding that he fix all my problems (when he really was in no position to, plus it’s not like we even knew each other that well...) and now I’ve ruined everything.

It sucks. And I have no one to reach out to (the last thing I need is a pep talk full of platitudes). Plus I still need to go into work today and I’m terrified that I’ll start crying in front of my colleagues.

Am I a bad person? Is that why I can’t have good things? 

It’s just a pity I don’t have the resolve to just end my own life.