I have had extremely bad anxiety in my life starting from when i was younger. My sister was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder when she was younger and she started to become unbearable towards the end of middle school. There was fighting and screaming in our house you couldnt imagine. I was so stressed out during this time i did nothing but sit in my room alone and watch youtube 24/7 i didnt do any work and passed the BARE minimum grades in freshman year and failed a class and had to take summer school. She was eventually sent to a program in utah and things were ok while she was gone but when she came back she got even worse than she was before. I was also getting heart palpitations from the anxiety where my heart out of nowhere would just start beating around 170 bpm or so and then just go back to normal around 2 minutes or so later. I was so scared of this and thought i was during when they would happen and even though i got almost every test possible and know i am fine it is still terrifying when they happen. There was also an incident at the beginning of my sophomore year where i went off on this girl after she had been harassing me for weeks and i didnt do anything until i snapped and i ended up threatening her in what i said even though i didnt mean to but in the blind rage i was just spewing shit out of my mouth. i was expelling these feelings on  my friends and my girlfriend at the time without knowing it and lost everyone i was friends with and i was so far gone at the time i didnt know why they didnt want to be friends with me anymore and i was confused mad at them and i hated myself. During quarantine after a shit ton of therapy i started realizing what was really going on in how i was acting why i was acting that way and what was  affecting me to make me act that way. after a lot of self improvement i was able to make progress but even after the realization it took over a year to see almost any progress but i used to be able to not move from a chair to a different one in the same room without thinking i am going to fie as dumb as that sounds to having a job i am going to college next year and i have a girlfriend who is luckily super understanding and supportive and being able to clear things up with all of the people that i wronged. things arent perfect now and i still struggle with my anxiety everyday but if you work hard at it progress will come dont give up even when it feels like you will never get better

if anyone reads this and wants to know more i will edit to add more detail to what ive gone through and what things have worked to help me get better i will