I’ve been terrified that people have problems with me at work. Found out yesterday I was right and it’s actually far more serious than I thought.

The pandemic has overlapped with a year of personal trauma. I had already lost everything but my partner and my work community and now I’ve fucked things up with my work community.

The only reasons I haven’t checked myself into a hospital at this point are that I have a partner who relies on me and my complex chronic illness care would be impossible if I put someone else in charge of me.

I don’t want to die I just want to stop being terrified of everything. I’m already on meds and my therapist quit and I haven’t found a new one. I’m making myself at least put something out there into the darkness instead of just wallowing alone. Thanks for listening