Hi, this is a throw away account due to the stigma with my mental illness. 

TL;DR: Been diagnosed with BPD. Had a perceived traumatic event occur and due to abandonment complex alienated friends and family. want to apologize. not sure where to start. 

I am struggling with my symptoms and am looking for advice between therapy sessions. I am definitely looking for support and kindness. 

I have this tendency to cut people out of my life right after a traumatic event. It's due to an abandonment complex I have and have had since I was a teenager. I don't know how to fix it. It's causing some really awful interpersonal issues for me right now but more importantly I've hurt some friends and family. 

Let me just say how much I hate this disease and how frustrated I get with myself. I hate being mentally ill and I wish I didn't have to deal with my own emotions because I just cannot trust them. 

How do you ask forgiveness once you've had an outburst and how do you tell people there's you, and then there's BPD you? 