Hi:) I'm 18 and have had a bit of a traumatic past, and have been struggling with things I feel like I don't fully grasp//understand yk, 
 I struggle with an ED, and it definitely plays a roll into how I feel most of the time. Sometimes I feel completely emotionless but my head is running over the same things over and over like my friends, how they feel about me, replaying situations over, past situations, worrying of my current situation, I overthink a lot and can't stop, I worry of the person I am if I'm bad or not a lot so I strive to be as kind as possible which people preseeve me as and it does come naturally I don't really feel like I'm faking my kind gestures or words, because I care for others but sometimes don't have my own emotional spoons too help. I feel very worthless, like I'm a mistake, I think of suicide often and want it but am scared of it, I have like these panic moments where I feel like I'm dying, or constantly worried about my heart stopping and when I'm not panicking it's overthinking about my overall body health and how bad i think it is, sometimes I feel like someone or something is watching me like alone in my house it's ghosts, and in public it's murderers in shit to the point I have to leave the area I'm in most often, sometimes I think bugs are crawling on me or around me like fleas,spiders,and ants. I have to check arnd my toilet before I use it everytime because I think there's gonna be a giant ass black spider on it lmfao. So here's a small bit of anyone has any advice on what I could be going through that would be greatly helpful&lt;3