I’m doing terrible right now. It’s my junior year and I was diagnosed with an iron deficiency that negatively impacted my grades. I have always been a straight A student but this year I’ve witnessed a drop in my grades due to my poor health. I really wanna get iron transfusions but my mom is doing everything she can so that I don’t because she believes the best medicine is a change in diet. I’ve been on a specific diet for a while now and I feel little to no change. The school year is almost over and I can’t get over the feeling how I failed to reach any of my goals. I’m trying to be kind to myself but I just keep comparing myself to others and how they did better than me and beat myself up constantly for how bad I’ve done without taking into account the state of my health. It’s so unfair how this had to happen to me now of all times. With my dreams of attending a prestigious university my hopes and dreams have been dashed due to my performance junior year and I constantly feel its my fault that I’m sick and that I should stop being so lazy and work but I physically can’t due to severe lethargy I experience in a daily basis with the deficiency. Its so frustrating because everyone else is doing way better than me at such a crucial time for people my age and I constantly ask myself why I can’t be normal and why this had to happen to me when my academic performance mattered most. Sometimes I pray that I don’t wake up at night because I can’t deal with the fact that I’ve failed. Sometimes I pray I get hit by a car on my way to school. I keep beating my self up for circumstances and it hurts so much cause life can be so unfair. I just wish I can be normal again and go back in time to re-do junior year so that I even stand a chance to the colleges I want to attend but now that’s impossible and I’ll forever live with this feeling of a sort of “uncontrollable failure”.