some people went away on their own. some went away because of my decisions. some i pushed away because i loved them and didn’t want my negativity to taint their lives. never sought out relationships because i couldn’t let good people be affected by me or go through the pain of losing them. 
it’s a paradox, the only thing i want in life is to loved and be loved but my heart is just empty because of depression and i can’t even love people even when i desperately want to. i’m just empty and alone and that’s all i’m ever going to be