I’m 29F in the UK. 

I’ve had anxiety since I was 17. It has been pretty manageable except for a couple of years on and off when I was 20-21, then…recently. Until a few years ago, I tried 3 counsellors and 3 different medications. All 3 of them gave me annoying side effects, but this was at least 9 years ago. 

I’ve also tried mediation and breathing exercises etc. I find though that my issue is that my anxiety is buried very deep and simply rationalising my worries doesn’t help. I feel incredibly out of control. 

Around 3 months ago, a couple of stressful things in my life (a big move, 3 years of IVF etc.) and lots of hormonal medication (IVF) triggered an awful progression in my anxiety. 

I started experiencing physical side effects of anxiety. I was jerking awake to heavy breathing and a thumping heart as I tried to sleep at night. Since then, it comes and goes and the severity varies (from a couple of mild jerks to hours upon hours of violent, intense jerks awake). One tiny mildly stressful event in my life triggers an awful night of violent jerks that then calm down gradually over a few nights until they’re hardly happening at all.

I will be sleeping absolutely fine for several nights in a row and getting now sleep jerks, then suddenly, I’ll have an awful night where I will spend hours jerking awake every time I fall asleep. 

I’ve woken up to panic attacks while trying to sleep 3 times too. I wake up with my whole body tingly and with fast and heavy breathing and my heart pumping. 

I also get mild physical symptoms of anxiety throughout the day on and off, like tingling in my hands, heavy breathing and panic. It’s not frequent and I can work through it.

Anyway, now, I feel like this is my life now. A neverending cycle for being ruled and brought down by anxiety. Going to bed scares me and I’m sick of the worry and stress.

Is it time a try medication again? What do I do now? I’m really really fed up. I want my life back.