
So I’ve recently been having a lot of anxiety just about life. In the past I was in a long term relationship in which I was cheated on and lied to constantly. I left a little over a year ago. I became close with one of his friends who I was also friends with at the time, but their friendship had seniority. Nothing ever happened between the two of us while I was with my ex, I want to make that clear. 

Over quarantine we talked everyday and slowly started to develop feelings for each other and began dating in January. I had broken up with my ex long before but only a few months prior had told him there was absolutely no hope of reconciliation. He was also my first boyfriend. When he found out about my new relationship from my current boyfriend he held all the resentment towards me, saying he never wants anything to do with me anymore and that I know what I was doing, whatever that means. That was months ago. 

Recently I found out he has gotten a new girlfriend. I was happy for him till I was told it was an old friend of his. One of the same friends who I believe to be the girl who tried to persuade him to cheat on me. He told her no but became very secretive of his phone afterwards. Now in no way was I a saint in that relationship but I was always loyal and only cared about him the entire time. I don’t know why I’ve been having so many mixed emotions towards this. 

About a week ago I decided that I felt like I needed to talk to him and apologize for all my wrong doings to help ease my struggle. My boyfriend has been very supportive but advised me not to saying I wasn’t going to get the answer I would want and just get hurt further. My mindset was that it had been so long and that maybe he was just willing to hear me out, so I had a mutual friend ask how he would feel about talking to me, his words were “ I would be pissed because she broke up with me then went to date so and so”. I understand his thinking about it all but I can’t tell if he’s hurt because I’m still around or still harboring feelings for me and the past.

I was in a bad car accident just yesterday and my ex being a friend of my brother, was in a group chat when my brother had said what happened. I don’t know if he ever said anything but the way he said he feels about me makes me feel like he thinks I’m better off dead. 

Although he is very supportive and just wants me to be happy I hate bugging my boyfriend about this because it’s a very weird situation and my best friend gets visibly annoyed when I bring it up. 

I just need any advice from anyone please. I don’t have anything but confused feelings and anxiety and I still feel like I need to talk to him to apologize but I obviously can’t. How do I get over this feeling?