First of all, thanks for this sub and its members. I have been learning a lot about BPD and its effects.

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 10 years. Full disclosure, we are in a polyamorus triad with my (our) wife, who is not splitted. My wife is one of my gf's FPs, which makes our current homelife... difficult. My gf has a life long history of psychological and emotional trauma, and has, over the last 2-3 years, finally started to deal with that trauma through therapy. Since then, our relationship has been strained to say the least. I have tried to be patient and have had to deal with my own issues of self-worth, abandonment, and perhaps some aspects of my own undiagnosed BPD (the concept of what I've read about FPs and splitting could describe relationships I've had in the past and perhaps with gf as well), but I'm running out of the ability to let things slide like the nearly constant snappy comments, eye rolls, side looks, and anxiety-based crying episodes and general unkind behavior. Her and my wife have told me to continue to be patient... that she really does love me, wants me, wants me to want her, and that the "splitting" will eventually end. But my ability to wait for that is diminishing rapidly.

I do love her... and my wife... and breaking up with her will not only end our relationship but damage or end my relationship with my wife and our two kids. I'm not a perfect guy by any means, I've made mistakes, and I'm working on them. I just need to find the strength to keep on working, keep on trying, keep on loving.

Thanks for reading. Any advice would be helpful.