TW: Car accident, death and thoughts of suicide 

My brother passed away on 02/20/22 in a car accident. Someone was going the wrong way on the freeway and hit him. He passed away on impact, the accident occurred @ 1:30 am and no one knew he had passed until the late after noon. I struggled with anxiety before my brother passed. I found that my triggers were from my stressful job but soon found out it wasn’t the job that was triggering me anymore. I couldn’t take it I was throwing up every morning having panic attacks and crying. I once threw up while driving and nearly crashed. Well after my brothers passing I feel like it brought up a whole new set of triggers for my anxiety. I have trouble eating I won’t eat all day and when I finally do I take a couple bites and feel sick to my stomach. I haven’t been able to sleep I won’t sleep until like 5 in the morning and when I do sleep I only sleep for 3-4 hours. I developed driving anxiety now. I can barely be in the car without my heart racing and yelling at my boyfriend to watch out for a car that 20 feet away. I feel this way because there was a passenger in that wrong way car and I think to myself how did they let that happen ?! So now I’m on high alert on the road. I started to coming back home a lot more and this recent trip I’ve had I’ve had really bad panic attacks before going to the airport. My aunt gave me a Xanax to calm me down but that seemed to do nothing. Most days I cry becaus I miss my brother. My sister is also in heaven I often think about joining them but I can’t do that to my mom and dad. So instead I’m living in hell. Some days I am happy but it quickly turns into sadness because my brother isn’t here. I can’t talk to anyone how I feel. I started to push my boyfriend away every time I talk about my brother I can’t help but cry. It’s been 5 months and I cry everyday for my brother. I’m worried that I’ll be next. My brother was doing all the right things he was just in a wrong place at the wrong time and I think about that everyday. I feel sick because my mind can’t help but think about my brother in his car dead. I wonder what he thought before he was hit or if he even saw it coming. I have some of his clothes that I refuse to wash because it will lose his smell. I feel like I have ptsd from my brother passing. I found out about my brothers passing over the phone so wverytime I get a call I panic thinking someone else is gone. Even if your voice is slightly off I think the worse. I need help but I can’t admit it out loud because I want others to think I’m strong.