If anyone needs a bit of positivity and hope right now, this post may help. Keep in mind though that what I did may not work for people and may not be appropriate. I just wanted to share because I am super proud of myself and thought it may help some people. This post will be very long, so I will provide a tldr at the bottom.

So a bit of background - For probably a decade my relationship with my grandpa has been getting worse and worse. The decline first started after my first taste of trauma, but has mostly been my fault. 

The first (and I think onyl) habit of my grandpa's that I have clung to and used against him is that he is a talker. And I don't mean that he likes to talk - it is much more intense. Many people, including myself, have had multiple conversations with him in which he talked for at least 30 minutes nonstop. Meaning there were absolutely no pauses to get more than a "Yup," or "Okay." Now, I have a hard time when I feel ignored or not heard, because to me it means the person clearly doesn't care. (Perfect logic there /s.) So this habit of his has been very triggering to me. So much so that I go out of my way to avoid him or even ignore him. I've avoided celebrating most holidays with him because the uncomfortableness and fear have been so extreme, and I have not been very kind to him.

Now, for the last couple of months, I have been undergoing intensive therapy after having a very difficult year and being newly diagnosed. As a result, I have made an incredible amount of progress, which led to what happened today.

While my grandpa isn't completely blameless because I think he could work on the talking issue, I knew he deserved an apology from me. When someone explains to me why they behaved a certain way, it's a lot easier to forgive them, so that's what I decided to do.

So a couple hours ago, after we finished dinner, I had quite a long conversation with my grandpa. I talked about my trauma and how that triggered the BPD and how it created my intense abandonment issues. Now, I'm not trying to avoid blame, because it was ultimately my choice to react the way I did, which I also explained. I then talked about what happened to me this past year and how that led to finally getting diagnosed, and I explained what BPD is and some of the symptoms. 

When I was finished, it looked like he was on the verge of tears. I could tell this was something he needed to hear and I think it made him feel a lot better about himself. But he reacted so well - no judgment, no stigma, no anger, just understanding. I think he has already forgiven me unbelievably, and I think our relationship just changed for the better.

After dinner I decided to let him read an essay I wrote for college because I have decided to transfer to a different college. It was probably the best essay I've ever written and it broke down this last year for me - mistakes, hospitalizations, all of it. I owned up to my errors and my mental illnesses. It was quite the gamble, but it was worth it. My grandpa was so touched that I let him read it because it was so personal, and one of the things he said afterward was that it probably helped me get into the college, which I was surprised by.

He then proceeded to go into a 30 minute rant again. What he had to say was very important and interesting, but I have to get up early this morning to go back home and I was getting stressed out. In fact, I almost had a panic attack because these talks can be so triggering for me. But instead of looking bored and unresponsive, I waited for the conversation to wind down and said "I hate to cut this short but I have to get up early this morning and I don't do well on less than eight hours of sleep." He was very understanding, but more importantly for me, this was a groundbreaking accomplishment. I handled a typically upsetting situation for me calmly and kindly, and I am so happy I am able to do this. It makes me feel like I can get better.

Tdlr: Told a grandpa I have a very strained relationship with about my BPD. He was very supportive and our relationship has become a lot more positive thanks to me opening up to him and apologizing. 