Recently, I had a large lash out at my FB. They’re a very forgiving person and although she’s frustrated that I slipped up and couldn’t control my emotions, she’s forgiven me and wants to talk about it. I’m grateful to have her but at the same time I think my feelings and my lash out was justified even though what I said was very hurtful. 

We have a really complex situation. I dated her for a year and a half and she met someone else two weeks after we broke up. We never cut contact but that time frame really hurt me because I could tell she left me romantically because I was too much too handle. I feel as though I still hold that resentment against her now. She broke up with the person she was seeing after about 7 months but now shes seeing both me and him as she now identifies as Poly. I still feel ill at the idea that she sees him because of that resentment but I also don’t want to lose my FB in that type of relationship. I still enjoy kissing and having sex with her.

The lash out was because she saw him and is able to do certain things with him because he is a man and I’m a woman. She’s not out of the closet to her family and although I’ve been apart of her life for so long, I’ve never been mentioned to them. But he has and I’m sure even after a short amount of time too. I never want to make her feel the need to come out to her family because thats selfish but she’s always very defensive of it and can’t really see how much that it hurts me. It makes me feel unimportant to her and him a superior option.

This constant resentment is getting to me as the lash outs are becoming more common and the fear of abandonment is much stronger as there’s another person involved (especially one she can show off). 

I guess I’m asking what I should do at this point? I know the relationship and situation is toxic for a person like me but the idea of losing her just makes me want to cry and I don’t think I’ll be strong enough to handle it.