Some noticing about identifying, perhaps others can relate.

My new psychiatrist is one of those anti-labellers who believes it's more helpful to look at BPD symptoms individually and avoid the term.

When I was diagnosed I felt great relief and clarity about my life. I come here and I speak with other bordies and I feel more understood than anywhere else. Knowing about BPD has been good for me.

At the same time, when I was in remission, it was because I had worked hard to 'transcend' my BPD traits and did not identify. I told barely anybody about it and got through life as someone seen as quiet and sensitive but not out of control. That was my identity and I was proud and comfortable with myself. 

After a year of terrible choices I'm more borderline than I've been in a long time and I'm seeking refuge again in the term and group. I feel quite held by it but I wonder if it limits me.

I wonder when identifying becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy? Do I melt down more on my partner because of it? Do I allow myself to play a borderline part? Do I retreat into madness? 

At the moment I am frail and impulsive and so comforted by the sensitivity and wisdom of the community. I'm torn because I don't know how to reconcile the me who thrives with the me who is emotionally brutalised. I've never been both at once and I don't know how to be a person I'm proud of if my symptoms aren't under serious control and my diagnosis isn't a tiny aside.