(I meant to include the "Venting" fair in addition to the CW one, but I can't figure out how to have two fairs, and figured this was more important)

My mind seems to operate like a see-saw, with one side being okay &amp; functional and the other being a complete breakdown.  At the moment I feel like it's somewhere in the middle, leaning towards the latter.

I've been getting agitated so much more easily lately.  Just just an hour ago I got into an argument with a parking guard/attendant, and left because I decided I was going to refuse to follow what she said out and spite and that I'll go back another day.  A little later I was screaming at a woman at the pharmacy check-out (to be fair, the problem was she kept asking me to repeat my name/DOB and I was speaking loudly so she'd hear me, but I was kind of aggressive about it).  That's not even getting into me snapping at my late (whom I love) last week, or just being more annoyed &amp; aggressive when talking about news stories/world events.

I'm constantly on edge about schoolwork and questioning if I'm in the right major (journalism) &amp; if I can handle it or not.  But then I wonder what I could actually handle, since I struggle to imagine myself functioning in any career path.  Not to mention it always makes me think of an old FP who shares the major that makes me enraged, sad, and scared of running into.

I'm just having strong reactions to everything (more than usual) and random flows of emotion; somehow I went from wanting to hurt somebody over my incidents earlier to crying with a stress stomach ache now.  I'm having urges to punch &amp; cut myself again just because I know it'll provide some relief, but I'm trying to fight that since I know it's unhealthy and really don't want any visible marks.

I have gotten some enjoyment from music lately, but it feels hollow and empty at the end of the day.

I'm just really on edge and have that bad feeling things are going to fall apart soon (and I'm often right).  The one positive is that I'm so isolated from people that my usual biggest trigger (abandonment or feeling like I'm annoying people) isn't an issue, but it's rather sad that loneliness is a plus because I think it may keep me grounded.

I just want to get through the semester without a public episode or a hospital stay, but I feel like I'm spiraling in that direction.  It scares me but I have no clue how to stop it.  All I really want to do is sleep and not worry about any of it.