I am so afraid of living by myself because I know that I won’t be able to take care of myself like a normal person :( I’m in high school right now and I live with my parents, and they end up having to do so much for me. I don’t brush my hair. I barely brush my teeth. I don’t shower regularly. I don’t change my clothes. I don’t make my bed. I can’t see the floor of my room. I don’t make meals for myself. I barely get by in school because I will be punished severely if I get bad grades and I don’t want to suffer more. I am the opposite of self-sufficient. I have no intrinsic motivation. My tolerance for stress is absolute fucking 0. I only do things out of fear or short-lived hedonistic impulse. Not even basic tasks can I complete without heavy coaxing. I stare at the wall all day, and I would until I died if nobody lived with me to prevent it. Even if I’m having a good streak, it’s only a matter of time before everything crumbles, that’s how it’s always been. The other day my dad helped me clean my absolute horror show of a bedroom and I just broke down and bawled knowing that this is the perpetual cycle of my life, having people get me back on my feet, slowly deteriorating the moment they leave me alone, forcing them to have to intervene again eventually, providing me only momentary relief. If I have more than one thing to worry about at any given moment I will completely shut down, essentially bed-ridden, until someone snaps me out of it. I can’t solve my own problems. I can’t make my own decisions. Someone else must do it for me. I am such a burden. I can’t handle the world, it’s too much pressure, it always has been.