didn't Start today off particularly well today.  I opened my eyes and first thing I said was waking up is becoming boring . I then openly talked about how if I had access to a weapon, like a gun, that I wouldn't hesitate to kill myself. Idk it's like I want help that's why I'm saying this obviously , but at the same time idk . I haven't done anything to help myself this far in so . I want to give up .