This is something that I’ve been thinking about lately but I wondered if anyone has felt this way, to this degree. 

I don’t like myself.

I don’t mean I dislike the way that I get constantly depressed or my shortcomings, those ARE things that I dislike but I actively do not like my own character. I’m not a good person or anybody you would want to befriend, I joke about horrific things that happen to people on a daily basis because my own life is so miserable. I am a coward and have shied away from confrontations my entire existence, every obstacle I faced I ran from. I rarely have a good word to say about most things, my view of the world at this point is so jaded that anyone who comes into contact with me would get exhausted from trying to connect with me in any positive manner. 

Sometimes I wake up and want to be a better person but I’m not even rooting for myself. I’m not even in my own corner and I’m no longer surprised nobody wants to have any kind of interaction with me, if I was them I wouldn’t either.

I just wondered if anybody else felt like the whole world pretended you didn’t exist and so did you.