I’ve struggled on and off since I was a young teenager. I joined the army in 2020 and got sent overseas right away and had the time of my life. I had the greatest friend group, a boyfriend that I fell absolutely head over heels in love with and we got out and did stuff everyday. I didn’t have a problem sleeping, I was having fun, I loved my life. I felt like a changed person, like I found myself there. 

Fast forward to early this year. My boyfriend and I had to go long distance and don’t talk as much as we’d like to. I’m in an empty room every day after I get home from work and I’ve completely lost interest in anything I possibly liked. I have no friends. 

I do great at work, everyone loves me. I work hard. When I get home I just sit on my phone for 3 hours before laying down at 8pm and sleeping maybe 4 broken hours a night. I have no hobbies. My friends all live on the other side of the country and I’m 3 hours ahead of them so by the time they’re ready to like game or whatever it’s midnight for me. 

I visited my boyfriend this week and felt like my happy self again. Being with him always feels so natural to me and we’ve clicked well since the beginning. Laying in bed and talking to him about everything made me realize how fucking boring I am. I literally don’t do anything. The thought of going back to work and living the life I have been living this entire year makes me want to die. I don’t want to go back to that… 

I do see a counselor but the amount of lows I have every night I can’t come close to explaining to her for her to understand completely. 

2 more years of this I guess.