INTRO
so i have recently been diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder. honestly i dont mind. at first i was like aye yo wtf😂 however considering my life so far, im 20, its been pretty good regardless of the disorder. 

MANIC STATE
when it comes to mania i personally think its the best thing ever for me. not financially but its pretty fun. social it works relatively well for me tbh. im naturally charismatic and very humorous and that shit gets hella amped when im in a manic state which is lit tbh. unfortunately tho some times i get to hyped and it seems to make me a bit more of an outcast. not in the sense that i dont have friends but it can weird people out although people say they like that about me. 

im not really an asshole when im in my manic state but i do have a short temper at times because of it. im in the army and that being the case you have to deal with a bunch of fucktards. because of this ive had to bitch people down or tell people to stfu but i dont mind having to and my friend have appriated it when they werent on the reciving end lmao.

when it comes to the overconfidence and impulses as well as the impaired judgment i generally take hella L's. i lost several hundreds of dollars because of this on bets that are purely autistic to be making in the first place. for example i once made a bet for 100 dollars for something i said because i was so overly confident that i said something else from what my friend thought. i lost even tho i know for a fact i was right.

DEPRESSIVE STATE
for the depressive states which for me is less common than the manic states is usually anywhere between mild shit and hot steammy shit. at points it feels like it last for years when really its only for a few months. i cant think or make proper decisions and i become overly obsessed with how im functioning and i worry about every little detail of my mental functions. when doing something like a puzzle which i generally enjoy i can become fairly adjetated to the point where i feel like breaking down. 

when at my lowest i feel like i have absolutely no friends or anyone in life which isnt true and when people ask me how im doing i feel like i cant talk or that i dont know what to even say or that anyone would even understand what im going through. when im alone tho i tend to know exactly whats wrong with me and i tend to hyper focus on all my flaws and insecurity's or ill hold myself to an inhuman standered. at the most horrific times it feels like a i have 5 or 10 nail guns tied in a ball all firing off at slightly different times. its fucking insane tbh like a true tragedy like palistine inside of my mind @lilpeep lmaoo ahhah if you know the song feelz youll know that line. anyways thats what its like for me having bipolar 1 disorder.

OUTRO
overall i dont mind but id rather be dignosed with ASPD but maybe theyd feel different.