So this is a new account I created specifically for my mental health, whatever that entails. I've created it tonight because I've brought myself to a cross roads in my life. I know which direction I want to go, but I have a few ways to make that happen, and I'm looking to sort out what I want to do, through writing it out, getting feedback, seeking information, sitting with the ideas. 

I'll start by saying the big crossroad (which I've already decided on) in my life is the one where I choose to either stay in school and on this "life path" and keep miserably trudging along, or to take myself out of school and work entirely on my mental health and myself for some time. I've wanted, for years and years, to just stop going to school and to figure myself out. For various reasons I've never officially done it (mostly unofficially, and therefore making my problems worse, by withdrawing from so many classes and failing others and getting C's in the rest), but now I have finally made the decision to withdraw medically and do what I know is right for me. 

The cross road I am contemplating now is this:
Do I stay in this city, with all the people who know me as I was and as I am, who are constant reminders of the mistakes I've made and shames I've had, who already have an idea of who I am and who make it hard for me to change and question myself and learn without being berated with questions and judgements (even those with good intentions), while I start therapy and medication and try to change my life?

Or do I move, go to a brand new place, a place I WANT to be, and begin the therapy and discovery of myself there?

The pros of staying:
-have a job (if staying, will maybe consider getting a new job, or an additional one)
-have an apartment (if staying, will be highly considering moving)
-know the area, and some of the resources
-know many people, and have some support, though no one I would really discuss my new endeavor with

The cons:
-would have to excuse and lie about why I dropped out of college, and what I was doing in the meantime
-do not like the area
-may still need to move and/or get a new job anyways
-surrounded by past mistakes and things that shame me, very likely making it harder for me to try some things I'd like to do

The pros of leaving:
-pick an area I want to be, and with new goal in mind
-a fresh start entirely, don't have to make any excuses or explanations, don't have any expectations from other weighing on me, etc. 
-an excitement and intrigue in life, while trying to ignite and discover my own excitement and intrigue
-have a transferable job (not hard to find work)

The cons:
-would be alone in a new area with absolutely no support for some time (a huge concern, considering what we deal with and what I will be going through while in therapy)
-would cost a lot of money (though this isn't an extreme concern, if I want something I'll make it happen)
-transferring universities could be difficult and expensive, when I do decide to return

••I know it probably sounds like I've already made up my mind. I'll admit that what I really want is to go somewhere new and start fresh while I allow myself to focus on myself. I know I'll create new shames and mistakes too, and when I first arrive I'll still be the person I am now. But at least these people won't have known me for years, and I can choose how I want to present myself. 

However, I'm absolutely open to considering staying while I go through this process, for whatever reasons are brought to my attention that I think are reasonable and beneficial for me. 

There is of course the middle ground: staying here, but moving and getting a new job. Still in the area to meet up with old friends, but not surrounded by them unless I choose to be. I just also feel that if I'm going to make all those changes anyways, then why not go to a place I actually want to be.

I appreciate any input or feedback. If nothing else, I'm proud of myself just for taking the time to actually write this out, and consider the pros and cons of my options. 

TL;DR: I'm dropping out of college to focus on my mental health and myself. I'll be doing therapy and maybe starting medications while working and trying to discover who I am and what I want. 
Do I stay in this same town where I feel held back and unhappy while I do so?
Or do I move to a new place with a completely fresh slate but absolutely no support system?