Okay that sounds like a terrible idea but hear me out I just wanna know if someone purposely trigger themselves. Like I purposely trigger myself to be in mania because I either feel guilty for I did or if I feel so down so for me I do it as a punishment for myself and say I deserve that pain ig 

I know I should stop and all but I can't help it but think that's the only way I can punish myself for doing something either if I'm in the wrong or if someone else is in the wrong, doesn't matter I feel the need to do it