Seriously I am so fed up with this illness I've been thinking more and more about suicide lately, it seems easier to end life then deal with the constant ups and downs in my moods. It has been just out of control lately. 

November the 25th I started my first job I did two shifts that week. I was over the moon, so happy and excited about it, things where great. 
I had a very impulsive weekend that weekend too, I was doing a lot of crazy things an just had so much confidence and energy.

Then my children's school got a lot of cases of covid and the school had to be shut down. 
So I had to call into work as school is the only supports I have for childcare. 

While I have been off from work this past week with the kids, I started to give up on the idea of work again and now I feel like I don't want to ever go back there again. 

I started making a lot of home and body products and now I've got this idea in my head that I should just start my own business with the products I've been making. 

I also impulsively adopted a dog over the weekend, and now I'm starting to come to the reality of how messy and smelly dogs can be and I'm starting to get very depressed that I was so impulsive to do that. I feel like such an idiot. 

This post is a bit all over the place but so are my moods and impulses lately I know I need to up my medications because I can't live like this. 

I now have no idea what to do about this job, like honestly the thought of going back there seems like a horrible punishment.

I want to start my own business because I feel like that has been giving me joy this past week and I've really been on a roll with it, but I don't want to regret it after. I have been so damn impulsive lately I'm not sure what the right thing to do is. 

I'm sick and tired of my brain and never knowing what to do in life because it seriously changes from day to day. I hate being so unstable.