I messaged her 5 days ago saying I was in a rough place and hating myself but she has yet to respond to it. I want to be able to say she's just been busy but she's been posting on Instagram and she knows I have BPD so it makes no sense to me she'd just ignore me obviously reaching out for help. 

I'm doing a little better because I've had a friend over but I've purposely not messaged her since just to see what would happen so she doesn't know I'm doing better I could've killed myself for all she knows and she still doesn't seem to care in the slightest. 

I don't even know what to think right now and I'm just trying my hardest not to spiral again because I've only just got myself back under control but not hearing from her is making it so hard to stay rational.