Some days ago I (25NB) had an argument with my boyfriend (25M) about the idea of getting married. I used to joke about that, until he made clear that he would like to get married but not yet (which is ok), so I stopped joking about it. But then, he started joking, and sometimes talking more seriously about it (like romantically during sexy time), and I was like... really?... So I started talking about that again, until one day he said he would like to get married soooome day, but he panicked by thinking about a short-term commitment. I understand him. I would love to marry him soon or later, but I know now it's not the right time. The thing that triggered me was the yes/no/yes/no situation and feeling that promises were made only during sex. I need stability and having some plans in order to feel safe, and that means a simple yes or a simple not yet. If he would have said "I don't want to talk about marriage now, but maybe in a future", it would have been super, because that's an stable statement. But this whole situation triggered some childhood trauma (my parents were always yes/no/yes/no and stay/leave/stay/leave), and now I'm afraid of telling him my emotional necessities because I don't want him to feel guilty or pushed, but I'm starting to feel demotivated about everything.
Any advice?