So first off I want to start with this is not a self diagnosis, it is a drop of information and hopefully advice from others that I then want to take with me to then go see a therapist. Also could be a TRIGGER to some as I’m going rather in depth with experiences ie selfharm and hallucinatory content and transgender content
I am currently 21. When I was 15 I started having a lot of trouble sleeping. I was having 2 repetitive nightmares about seeing two of my cats or my mother and one being evil and the other normal. This thought and concern progressed while I was awake but part of me still said that it made no sense and tried to ignore it. The second was a general fear and of something watching me, this is also progressed while I was awake but again I tried to ignore it. I was already at A and B average student and continued to be, however, I lost the majority of my friend groups. I was consistently scared and slept very little. I do not think I had full blown hallucinatory content but I did hear my name called, saw handprints/faces in the windows, regularly saw shadow figures-predominantly a large black dog and random things like spiders. I refused to sleep with the light off and often did not sleep at all. I did start self-harming and when my mother found out I went to therapy. They wanted to put me on an anxiety medication-Xanax and an antipsychotic-seraquel (can’t remember how it was spelled) I never actually took either one and both me and my mom decided not to go back to the therapist at that time. Eventually everything started to die down when I went to college at 18 where I met two very good friends and with whom I hung out with often. Over the course of hanging out with them I started staying up late and sleeping less again and started to get fearful again, I was incapable of sleeping when they were not with me overnight. I also decided to change my name at this time and thought that I was transgender (nothing at all wrong with this I’m bisexual and have many friends who are trans ) however when I told my mother that summer (19 years old) she disowned me. After battling with this I decided not to go through with any of it and had recently entered a relationship. I decided to drop out of school and move in with this guy and move roughly 2 hours away with him the fallowing summer (20 years old) this did not work out and I ended up going back to school and moving 4 hours away from there. I’m currently in school now and working and while I originally was starting to struggle again living in my own, I recently entered a new relationship and we usually spend the night together which certainly helps my sleeping. I still do not sleep much(roughly 3- 6 hours a night) but still function at a relatively high energy pace. However I have recently been having issues again with shadows on the edges of my vision and blurred vision as well as movement in stationary objects. I am concerned that what I thought was possibly a one time occurrence could have actually been a progressive chronic issue that has simply waxed and waned as I’ve aged. I want to go to a therapist and see what they think but I’m trying to determine what I need to elaborate on and possibly what other think based on this. I have never been incapable of going to school or working and paying my bills, I have changed jobs roughly once to every other year and have changed colleges and majors multiple times but have always worked and attended school other than the 1 year drop out which was due to financial aid mishaps. I have always kept roughly a c to b average in college. My house has never been disgusting and I’ve never lacked ability to feed and care for myself. However I’ve had consistent issues with interpersonal relationships .