For all the power and rage a person can possess, whenever you want to express it, every fraction fizzles to an ashen heap of emotional sediment.

It feels there's ALWAYS a reverse silver lining to each "good" thing that happens, and that I can never catch a break. What is the point when the pinnacle of relief someone nowadays can get easily, without pressure or concern, is simply writing out on reddit. Therapy isn't as simple as just going "oh yeah, let me just open a door", and there's the feeling of judgement from everyone at that.

The pain remains and never fucking goes, no matter how much you internally beg, hope, desperately fantasize, in the end you know the next day will result in the same hours of feeling nonstop weak, insecure, inferior, a waste of a person where someone far better could have a position at life than you. 

When the fuck does any of this fade? It's like all my emotions are blocked from being properly released by a massive slab of concrete, but still viciously slash and snarl trying to get out.