Hi all. I’m really going through a rough period at the moment and I can’t even believe I’m back here screaming into the void.

I don’t understand. I hate this disorder. I’ve had two years of “remission”, of feeling free from terrible thoughts and overwhelm but I’ve suddenly hit a wall and I’m reminded once again that I’ll be living with this disorder forever.

How the fuck am I meant to do this? Is this what it’s going to be for the rest of my life? I can’t even find hope in the fact I’ve been doing so well for the longest period in my life, because I know it won’t be long until I’m stuck in this place spiralling again.

I don’t want to be an addict but I can’t stop from needing something to reach for to fill the void. I don’t want to be obsessive, placing all of my hopes on a loved one knowing it’s never going to be sustainable. I want to cope for the rest of my life. I just don’t think I ever will.

I don’t know what I’m asking for, but I just really need a friend.