Hi, I'm Autumn and I joined reddit 5 minutes ago.

I just want to talk. I feel very confused and alone. So, here I am.

I have an exam day after tomorrow. I haven't studied one bit for it. As, I sit here typing this I can't think of a logical reason that would justify my actions but I'll explain my stance.

I like studying. I like learning about new things. So,normally I do study a little bit. But the moment exams are announced I panic. My mind stops seeing logic and reason and sense. I boycott studies. I've spent my last 5 days crying. My mind is never quiet. It's always worried about the future or the past. **I can't seem to find my footing in the present.** I can't breathe when I think of exams. My chest feels heavy, my legs tingle. I'm so scared. I'm ruining my life. It is really important for me to get a degree. I'm very ambitious, there is so much I want to achieve. But I can't do anything if I can't even write exams without spiraling. I'm scared. I've done this before. All of this has happened in the past. The same fear, fights, anger, tears. It happened before when I had a life-changing exam which I completely botched thrice. My dreams were shattered. But I found a way to get admitted to this university, which is honestly shit but its better than nothing. Now that I'm here the pressure is on and I can't seem to focus. I have no idea what to do. I can't study. I can't focus. My mind is reeling and I'm so alone. 

What I don't understand is that whether I actually have this fear or that I'm making this up to get out of work?

Help me (if what I have written actually makes sense).

And I hope y'all are fine where ever you are.