Trigger warning: suicide and self harm

Up to this point ive only ever picked at my skin. I'm 31 and today used a knife for the first time.

I married my husband a month ago. And he's telling me he wants a divorce and today said he didn't love me. All because I freaked out because he didn't talk to me for a week (he's incarcerated so its all on him to call me).

Im also really close to ending it all. After he said I dont love you I went blank. Completelt dissociated and could barely say anything. I just shut down. I dont know how to cope anymore and my health insurance is so messed up I cant see someone. Please, someone help