I can’t get the help I need, and I can’t control the hurtful and destructive ways that my feelings impact my relationships, so I’m not going to have relationships anymore. I’m dropping out.

I’m abandoning all romantic relationships, friendships—anything that puts me in a position to hurt or lose someone. I’ve burned enough bridges, exhausted and drained enough people. I feel that all that’s left to me now is damage control. 

It’s a relief in a way. It’s a great deal more painful to believe that I have the potential for healthy and lasting relationships. I can’t make myself or my thoughts better, but I can control how others are impacted. 

The loneliness and isolation are going to be worse than death, but not worse than destroying more relationships. 