I'm just done.  I'm tired of the feeling I get when a girl says "I need space, I'm not ready for a relationship,  I need to focus on myself now".  More often than not, you never hear from them again.   The same thing happened last holiday season right around Christmas.   I'm tired of it and dont want to feel this pain ever again.  They reel you in with "I love you" until you fall for them, then they cut you off. I've also been reflecting on mmyself.  I'm just not in a good space right now.  Im an alcoholic 
who doesn't go to school anymore.  I'm 26 now , still living with the rents.  I was going to move out next year.  Now, I'm kindve baffled and clueless.  I don't know anymore.   I helped her move(in the heavy rain) because I loved her tbh.  She says she loves me too, but she needs to focus on herself and kid right now.  Now, Little things start popping up in my head that drive me crazy.   I'm so done.  I don't want to feel this pain anymore.   I can't believe I'm posting on here.  I'm depressed but stopped taking the antidepressants because my cock wouldn't get hard while on them.  Still recovering from that shit.  Never got to fuck her because of it too.  I guess I'm lost rn and angry.  I don't expect anyone e to help me.  I'm just here to share my experience and thoughts.  Maybe there's someone else that's going to take their own life as well.  We can chat before then if you want.  The more I think about suicide, the more determined I get to do so.  Whenever I get scared,  I just think about the pain I'm feeling while living.  When I get the balls to do so, I'll probably just end this shit.  It's the holidays too lol.  Damn.  I was hurt by someone last holiday too.