I hate the fact that I almost never have the courage to ask for help or explain what I truly desire in life. This always happens when someone shows their gratitude towards me by offering assistance with potential career moves or basic necessities to help me stay afloat. Or giving me nice things.   


I was so used to not having a choice in anything I did growing up. On top of being scolded by taking up on the generosity of people outside of my family unit. And as a grown man its really embarrassing  fumbling over my words when these acts of kindness appear. During these moments, upstairs resembles that of static from a CRT television. So fuzzy and confusing to the point where my breath shortens and my head starts to hurt. Usually this doesn't cross my mind at all. But when I think of my current obstacles, it weighs heavily on my mind.   


Who else goes through this? I personally feel its beyond a simple case of indecisiveness.