I've gone downhill really badly. I thought I crashed on the weekend but no. It's getting worse. I'm using all my DBT skills and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not going to kill myself but I slipped back into self harm after 5 months and I didn't realise my manager could tell I was stressed out during my last shift (she's kind though and is alright if we need a break for stuff like that)
I just got a job. My first proper job and it's not glamorous but it's the best thing I've done other than meet my boyfriend. I don't want to jeopardize it by having to go in the hospital for a few weeks. Also what even does your typical inpatient program consist of? I also don't want to be around so many people I don't knoe and not be able to talk to my boyfriend afterwards as it's long distance and I don't think you get a lot of personal time in the hospital. Along with that, my dog isn't a registered service dog because of how she behaves around others. Being apart from her and my bird would be more unbearable than doing nothing.
I have DBT tomorrow at the hospital (my psychiatrist also works there and I have  an appointment on Thursday, I know my medication urgently needs adjusting) so I'm probably going to discuss it with the facilitators and see what they think. I just don't know what to do but at the same time I have performances this weekend and next and I'm going away in 2 weeks as well. I don't want to miss out on those but the inpatient programs my hospital offers are 3 weeks.