before i was diagnosed with bpd i was in the most unstable emotionally abusive relationship 

i had no self worth, no sense of self, i was insecure, afraid, erratic and couldn't trust anyone 

i picked myself up again but i never realised how much it had really resonated in my mind, i really do believe that that relationship was what turned a mood disorder into full blown bpd, i feel like i was beaten into being someone i wasn't 

and ill forever hate him for it 

a new relationship proved that i was still hurt by my past

i found it hard to believe and forgive again because i had already learned that people were sick enough to hurt you on purpose 

it made me confused because i didn't know if i was being manipulated (again) or if my mind was playing with me because of my past

i don't think i've ever learned to forgive myself for staying in the abusive relationship for 2 fucking years because it destroyed me as a person and damaged my next relationship which was the best thing i had 

you need to learn to love and trust 
and know your self worth 

it's so important 

just cut all the bullshit and be a good person 

don't listen to anyone that puts you don't like that and get out as soon as you can