Hi everyone, I hope you’re all having a great Saturday. I’m typing this in hopes to find some insight and advice about how to move forward with my girlfriend. I love her very much and I have been with her for a little over two and half years. 
I have done a lot of reading over this time to better understand what goes on in a BPD mind and try to implement expert advice given (through books and online articles) when things start to get hairy. One of my problems is, they don’t work. It seems that no amount of understanding and calmness from my end helps when she’s “triggered.” One of my major issues is she cannot or will not take personal responsibility for her own struggles. I have read that this is a symptom of BPD. However if I try to calmly and respectfully talk to her in a mature manner about it I’m accused of turning things around on her. She will only get more and more angry from this point and no rational conversation will be had. It eventually just gets to a point of her talking extremely negatively about herself, telling me what I must be thinking, all the while yelling at me to stop putting words into her mouth. She then wants to end the relationship at the end of every “episode.” If she is hurtful and disrespectful (two weeks ago she yelled fuck you at me for misunderstanding what kind of pizza she wanted) and I calmly state that that’s not okay and ask if she can see why I don’t want to be treated that way, it’s almost always along the lines of it’s my fault for, again, “triggering” her. When I say ‘well even if you’re triggered by anything it’s not okay to treat me that way’ she’ll change the topic to something unrelated about our relationship and blame it on not getting what she needs. I can’t do this the rest of my life. Is there any hope?