I am feeling like a weight has been lifted right now. There was a mix-up at work that left me in a precarious position today and had me feeling really anxious. I kinda ‘shot the messenger’ and was really short-tempered and snappy at my manager when he came to talk to me to tell me he was sorry about the mix-up. I wouldn’t say I was over the top, but I definitely could have handled the situation better.

Anyway, I spent the day riding my high horse and thinking that he deserved me to be grumpy towards him because he had caused a mix-up that left me vulnerable to backlash but then I gradually came to terms with the incident and realised that:
1) He had not CREATED the mix-up but rather come to talk about a solution to it.
2) I had behaved inappropriately and probably made him feel guilty and upset for something that was out of his hands.

So... I wrote an email to say that I apologise for being rude to him and that I really appreciate his attempts to resolve the mix-up for me (which he ended up doing in the end, anyway). This might be the first time in my recovery that I have actively talked myself out of the ‘holier than thou’ attitude of creating excuses and exceptions for my behaviour and taken responsibility for things that I did that have affected others. 

It feels bad, because I have had to kinda come to terms with the fact that I have had a negative impact on someone’s day. It feels good, because I have grown from the experience, I have put right this negativity so that my relationship with this person isn’t damaged and I have clearly made some progress in my recovery efforts because I can own up to mistakes and take them on the chin. 

A little win for today, anyway.