Anyone else out there like me? 
So I’ve been depressed since childhood, the cloud has receded from time to time but always appears once more.
I did everything to fix it, by that I mean improving my life.
I went to college and graduated the top of my degree, I took a well paying white collar job, I mentor and volunteer, I’m married to an amazing partner, I’ve adopted a senior dog, I’ve travelled with world, I’ve presented webinars, I’ve won completions, I’ve gotten highly desired certifications.

And yet I still want to die. I still cannot handle my life, I am on stress leave right now from my job that I know people would kill to have. That makes it even worse, that guilt.

I need to quit my job and de-stress, but for what? I’ve done my best. And yet here I am, looking at the abyss once more. An ex-cutter I am, but too scared to cut again. Too scared to follow through on the final stages of my life. And I exist but I am not living. I am husk, a mask and a fictitious being.

Save me.