I’ve been doing a lot of reading and watching videos about BPD and more and more, I think it’s describing me. I’m hesitant because I know how crazy it is for a single person to self diagnose themselves without professional help, but it’s really hard for me to argue against the symptoms. 

I was raised by a severely bipolar father, and an enabling mother. My father would always have these bursts of anger over the smallest things, my mom would pretty much take the name calling, clean up the mess after, and then tell me that it’s because he has bipolar and it’s not his fault and he loves us. I’ve maintained a relationship for the last 5 years, but it has definitely been a roller coaster ride. I’ve cheated, ghosted him, and attempted to break up with him several times. But as soon as I snap out of it, it’s like I’m a different person and I just want to forget and continue on in the relationship like nothing happened. I’ve been smoking marijuana daily for the past five years to help me cope with life. I feel like I understand what they’re saying by “lack of self identity”. I could go on and on and I know I need therapy for an actual answer and diagnosis but what do y’all think? 

I’m 23 f