I wanted to start producing music for some time now and I got fl studio for Christmas. At first I was stoked, but now it has just became a constant source of my anxiety. 
I would want to get good enough in producing so I can upload my work knowing it’s quite nice, but in the meantime I feel overwhelmed by all of my emotions and thoughts telling me I will never make a living of it, get more than 100 people to listen to it or even make it at all.
Also, if it was not enough, the brain decided that ‘we overachiever this year’, since there is one artist I really like and I hope one day I will make something good enough that they will listen to it ( like that’s ever gonna happen, so stupid ) and it only adds up to things that stress me out, that I’ll never be as good as them. And yes, I know you shouldn’t compare yourself with others, but I don’t know how to do it.

My emotions are very intense and when they come out, I have trouble controlling myself. So now whenever I think about sitting down to make some music or practice the guitar my throat and insides squeeze and I find it hard to breath or even think of something different. I’m literally crying writing this because I can’t control myself. I can only think about how hard everything is going to be and how I’ll give up anyway so there’s no point in trying in a first place. I can’t look at smaller goals, trying to plan out everything, because I can see the whole picture and it overwhelms me. I don’t know how to help myself, I’m unable to let it go and it starts to really weigh on me.