ive been seeing bpd being demonized a lot on social media and its kinda fucked with me a lot. i see lots of people saying that people with bpd’s first instinct is to manipulate people and always have manipulative tendencies. ive never felt like my first intention is to manipulate anybody and when i later realize that maybe i did accidentally unknowingly manipulate somebody into feeling bad for me and in the past not leaving me i feel so absolutely horrible. i am not proud of myself and i know that what i did was not right.

recently ive been so afraid that im just being shitty all the time. if someone hurts my feelings i dont even want to tell them because im terrified that im gonna be manipulative into making them feel bad about themselves or something. ive just been taking everything out on myself. i cant even talk to my girlfriend because im so absolutely scared of somehow being manipulative. tonight i told her i felt like she was maybe not wanting to hang out with me as much and liked someone else more than me and she apologized and said that wasnt true but i feel like somehow that was manipulative or something. i was just sharing a concern that i had and wanted to make sure everything was fine but seeing her apologize to me freaked me out and made me feel like a shitty person.