Recently I’ve been getting really really down mainly because of a recent break up but this has been worse than the rest. I take things out on myself making it convincing that I’m at fault which leads to more self hatred and it just escalates to feeling worthless and question why I’m here. I have friends and family but I really only talk to my mom and I feel I can’t tell my friends or others close to me that I despise my life and don’t want it because people my age (19) don’t need to have the burden of me possibly killing myself and also, I don’t know how to explain that I have BPD without me seeming like a freak who just wants to die. 

I’m okay right now but there’s no telling how low I will get and what will happen but I feel it coming. Thanks for the replies.