I tried comiting for the 3rd time last week. And I miserably failed. As I always do. Now not only do I have to carry the weight of my crippling mental illness and stress, but also the shame of not having been able to end it. I wasn’t even good enough to end it. Shortly after it happened, I tried to think about it positively. I thought well maybe I am just meant to stay alive and keep trying, but no. It’s not that. It’s just that I am a failure, and I wasn’t even able to do this thing my heart and soul have desperately been aching for for years. I am just existing. I am only 18, I don’t want to imagine feeling this way for the rest of my life and I wish just ending it would work finally.