I want to do better and be better as a white person trying to be part of the solution. But my gosh, I collapse into a heap when I'm criticized. That's where my BPD behavior comes from, a life of criticism. It's not just simple white fragility. And I have nowhere "safe" to talk about this because I will be called out for it. I will be shamed for being unable to learn in a state of shame. This is all so big and overwhelming and I've become quite obsessive over it all. I'm trying to do my part but I have to eggshell around for fear that someone will call me out for having a problem with aggression. I mean, that's trauma and there's a lot of trauma going around and I wish we could be kind as we try to enlighten each other but apparently I'm a bad ally thinking this way. I just want to be able to hear you instead of flashing back to a time when I was defenseless and victimized so that I can help more effectively.