I've broken up with my boyfriend because we were too serious and I got overwhelmed and scared. The whole time I wished things were more casual and now I'm seeing someone new and the relationship will most likely be casual which is just what I wanted, right? Wrong. Because I get crazy attached and my love for people is so strong. I liked to think I'd be fine with my ~casual~ partner talking to other girls or looking at their pics or whatever, but now I'm freaking out about it, especially when I read other women's experiences with their boyfriends subscribing to other people's OF or having weird search histories and stuff. I liked to think, I don't need someone to love me, I just want someone to like me enough to spend time with me. But now I'm thinking that maybe I do need someone to love me and even if he, like, watches porn when we're not together, I just know he loves ME. With my ex-boyfriend I at least knew he was crazy in love with me because he put up with so much of my shit, even though my BPD would convince me otherwise for a few minutes or hours whenever he did something small I didn't like.

Basically if I'm in a serious relationship, I'll get overwhelmed and want something less serious. If I'm in a less serious relationship, I'll get too attached and inevitably hurt and want something serious.

I truly can't win.