I thought some of you could relate to some thoughts I've been tossing around in my head for awhile.

When I was little, like most little kids, I left toys all over my room. They covered the ground. My mom would kick them aside or step on them. As I complained to her she told me that if I don't treat my possessions well then I obviously don't care about them and neither should she. My argument for that was that they are *my* toys and I how I treat them does not give her the same right. Granted, I was living in her house and she bought most of the toys for me, but let's focus on the concept for a second.

Now, as an adult in my mid-20's, I don't have a lot of self-respect. I've attracted a lot of abusers, and while people who hear my story will sympathize, it's still somehow my fault that I'm treated so thoughtlessly. Maybe they're partially right. I lack the strength of character to walk away from someone treating me poorly because any attention is good attention when I don't like myself. I'm fed the line that "no one will respect you until you respect yourself." Like my toys, my value is only assessed as high as I seem to hold it. 

Except, that's not true. I have dear and loving friends who are fully aware of my struggle with self-loathing, among other things. They know I'm hurting. They know I'm vulnerable, and they could bend me to their will if they wanted to, but they don't. Instead, they offer me their home, their hospitality, and their warmth. They offer me friendship and go out of the way to let me know they're thinking of me. They value me, even when I don't value myself.

So, I don't believe it is a valid to say that I am unworthy of respect or bringing hurtful people upon myself all because I lack a high sense of self-worth. Rather, the people who have taken advantage of me lack compassion. They fail to see my humanity and how that alone makes me worthy of decency.

If it was true that no one would respect me until I respect myself, then I would be completely friendless, but as it so happens, I have been truly fortunate to have found people who value me, even at my lowest. I don't want to hear this phrase anymore. I absolutely need to learn self-respect and to stand up for myself, but it is not my responsibility to make sure people treat me with respect. That responsibility falls upon them.