my partner moved away, with plans to stay in touch and promises not to forget me. it’s been months now. i keep trying to stay connected and i’ve told them how much i’d love to talk. they reply that they’d love it too and then we don’t. the only time we have talked is after i got very drunk and called them in tears. we talked for less than 30 minutes. they made promises to do better. it’s been another month since then.

trust is really, really difficult for me, but when i was with them i felt safe. i loved them and i believed them when they said they loved me. they were the first one to say i love you. they were a bright point in my day and i wanted to do everything i could for them

i don’t understand. i thought they were a good person and i would hope they would tell me if they didn’t want me around anymore. but i also feel like i’ve told them how important it is to me to spend time together and it’s shocking to me how little effort they are making. i feel like a chore they’re putting off. why would would they make all these promises? why can i only reach them if i get upset? how can they go right back to being so avoidant afterwards? if they dont want me why don’t they just tell me that? they don’t strike me as a person who would string someone along. i really don’t believe they would knowingly hurt me like this but it hurts so much and i can’t see how they cant know that, either. i dont know what i did. maybe i didnt show them that i loved them enough. i tried so hard but it's not something that comes easy to me. maybe it wasnt enough

i dont want the world. i want a phone call every now and again. i want to know what’s going on for them so i dont worry about them all day. i want to feel like they want me in their life. i want a partner. im so fucking lonely. i have almost nobody in my life and they know that. i know i cant rely on them for anything, i feel so abandoned and it's making me so fucking miserable, just proving all the trust bullshit i was trying to outgrow. i tried so hard to get better for them, to learn how to be a better person and partner, to deal with my issues, and now im back to square one because they took that trust and they decided it wasnt worth their fucking time