I met my FP nearly last May. We worked together and that came with its own complications. But we spent nearly every day together outside of work. He lived close to me and we had similar interests and hobbies, everything was so easy at the start. At first he was very sexually forward then started to emotionally close off (just how I like em). It was like a game or a challenge to keep his attention, and over time both our feelings grew to something more romantic. 

The last few months were a little hectic, bouncing back and forth between being in love and never wanting to see each other again. We couldn’t last more than a couple days not speaking, but each time our arguments escalated more and more. Eventually he put his hands on me twice; it didn’t phase me. It hurt more when I found out he complimented some other girls on social media. 

I treated him very well, for the most part. Always supported him, emotionally and financially at times. Always made him feel loved and wanted. He didn’t treat me totally bad, but not enough to quell my feelings of insecurity or to make me feel loved (can anyone do that...?) The last argument we had was really so stupid. I looked him in the eyes and said “I am trying to find a solution that works for us both.” He called me dramatic. Said “after this we are done” as he usually does to get me to stop arguing with him. This time I said okay. I grabbed my things and I left. 

He has been calling and texting me non stop since Friday. I can’t do this cycle anymore. I want the same love and support I give reciprocated. I want someone who makes me feel good and wanted, who knows a good thing when they see it. He made me feel so hard to love; I know I’m not perfect, I know this illness is hard to deal with for both me and whoever I’m with. But I always apologized, always tried to make things right when I was wrong. And I’m a damn good girlfriend. He never did. He was “perfect” in his eyes. 

It’s only been four days but I feel different this time. I won’t give in.