I feel so embarrassed writing this. Basically I realized my mom was one of my FPs and she randomly cut off all contact with me. It was over something really minor where I told her her favorite youtubers are ableist. Now she's ignoring my calls and me. I feel really bad and my symptoms are acting up. I feel just gut wrenching sadness and pain. I was walking around today crossing streets and I didn't even care if a car hit me. The pain comes and goes, alternating with no emotions at all. My shitty coping mechanism has been flirting with men online and considering hookups to distract myself. Not sure that's the best thing though. How do I get myself through this? Thank you :(