I hope I'm wrong, but I do think my partner enjoys that I'm not well. He seems to think it means I can't/won't leave. When he sees glimpses of the possibility that I may be okay on my own, he pouts and tries to make me feel low. 

Today, he made me feel guilty and uncomfortable for wearing a low-cut dress UNDER a trenchcoat when I went to get gas and dog food... after humiliating me in front of my family on a Zoom call. 

We've been together most of our lives and I love him as my best friend. But he is so cruel to me sometimes and cannot see it. He used to be physically abusive but I got him to stop. So there's a possibility for change, but I don't have the patience anymore.

I'm a successful woman, but clearly I am weak. This is made worse by my abandonment bullshit. It fucking sucks and I fucking hate it.