I’m not jealous or envious in the spiteful sense of ‘if I can’t have it then neither can you’, definitely not that’s not me. However I am recognising feelings of lingering sadness, jealousy, disappointment, envy and lust when I perceive the good health of others… I’m consumed with a sense of ‘what could have been’ when I see how other people are able to think clearly, openly express themselves in a vibrant manner and seem to have energy that is absent within me. 

I don’t know how to manage with these feelings of grief. The loss in my life due to my mental health difficulties has been massive… e.g. relationships, jobs, pursuit in a chosen career path, impact on my decision making, financial etc… 

I know I won’t be alone with these feelings, it’s tough when you’ve experienced yourself not being mentally ill to then becoming mentally ill. It’s been a while and in terms of receivers despite many treatments I’m not where I once was, pretty depressing in and of itself.

Looking for some advice and suggestions here. It’s hard not to beat myself up for not being xyz (*insert more positive attribute* and it’s even more difficult when people are angry for not being xyz. 

Thanks