Started by being friends, we would talk everyday and had pretty much the exact same interests. He was really nice and I wanted to talk to him at every chance I got.

We started dating, but didn’t really know each other so it was slightly awkward. I became really anxious about the relationship, thinking he just didn’t like me as much as I liked him yet I saw him as a potential life long partner. We broke up, became  friends again and I remember when he messaged me again and we basically flirted the entire night I was so damn happy. 

Then I had more issues where I kept thinking he was talking to other people and I became really obsessive and anxious. We stopped being friends for a while.

As soon as we started being friends again, the feelings returned. We would talk every single day and I couldn’t handle the feeling that I would lose him forever so I confessed my feelings. He didn’t like me and I was upset but he continued to flirt with me so I thought “I have a chance”

He told me he liked me, so we started as friends again and every time he would say something sweet like compliment me, say I love you etc, I’d get a ton of butterflies and a really happy/content feeling. I still freak out whenever he talks to other people.

Recently, we’ve been meeting up. And every time we’re together I feel an urge to hug him, cuddle with him, kiss him and just be very close to him. Whenever we’re together, we laugh so much and just have a really good time. 

I keep panicking and thinking “you don’t like him”, “you didn’t get butterflies before so it’s all a lie” and “you don’t have a big enough connection” I also get anxious that I wouldn’t like him anymore if he got a haircut or something like that, but I honestly would. 

I’m bisexual and I never get crushes on women but sometimes I find myself thinking I’d be better in a relationship with a woman because I feel comfortable around women and I find it easier to be friends and relate to women. I haven’t had many genuine crushes on men either and none of them have ever really led anywhere. Most I’ve had is an obsession either with a guy just to receive attention or a crush that’s lasted years. He’s the only guy that I’m actually attracted to by looks, and non sexual parts of his body. I actually feel a desire to make out with him, top him and be a bottom as well.

I have problems with tiredness, stomach issues, anxiety so sometimes I just want to chill, go on walks or dates etc rather than sexual things. I sometimes feel like he thinks about it too much which makes me uncomfortable and anxious. 

I also have this thing where I want others to be jealous of me but i didn’t choose his traits as i liked him before I knew what he looked like. And im not bothered about people “knowing im in a het couple” im also not ashamed of being in one but I find it awkward to talk about to strangers. I’ve only ever experienced a few times, feeling proud and happy to say im in a happy long term relationship and it makes me weirdly happy when others clearly are interested yet he makes it clear it’s only me he likes. I remember when he first started complimenting me and told me he thinks were a couple, it made me so happy. However, we had a very awkward phone call and after he asked me out, I didn’t feel the happy butterflies people feel, I felt relieved? Just content with life but I didn’t really believe it was going to last.

I went to therapy which toned down the obsession/anxiety with him leaving me but that left me with more anxiety that I’m faking everything and that I only like him to feel “wanted” because before him I had an issue where I was desperate for a relationship but I think I was just hurt after he first left me that I wanted to meet someone to make me feel good again. I wasn’t overly desperate for a relationship but we were basically together so I really wanted to just make things official.

I know this is long but I would really appreciate advice and peoples opinions as im not really skilled in this department at all.