My Ah Ha Moment

After 31 years of suffering. I can finally say that I am the product of a domestic violence relationship who was neglected by his father, resented by his mother. I abused by his stepfather, to the point where I have PTSD, so in return I abused. As an adult I have pushed people away who loved me, and doubted their love, as well. I have a volatile and out of control temper and severe anxiety and sensory issues, along with fixation and limited interest. I carry around all of the baggage from my past, and it’s preventing me from any chance at a peaceful and stable future, I use marijuana sex and poppers to dull the pain, and escape from the reality of the life that I have created. I have clung to being gay because I feel like I was the perfect life recipe to become another black male statistic. 

I know, it’s a lot, but finally being able to put all the words into a sentence and read it feels so good. I don’t know what’s next, but I know I need help!