I've always had these periods where I sink down and think that I'll never be able to see the surface again because of how bad it is. It would usually last for three-four days and go away on its own at some point. For the past three months, though, that hasn't been the case. The emptiness has been a constant for most of the days, and I've been finding it harder and harder to look on the bright side and find my grip on reality and my own life.

It's as if I'm empty, with nothing to offer to the world on the outside while inside, my anxiety and phobias are screaming at me that something terrible, fatal even, will happen to me and that there'll be nothing I'll be able to do about it. This then leads to vivid nightmares, making even sleep restless and stressful. I'm used to keeping things to myself so I snap at the most inconvenient times about the most random things and I yell at the nearest person that I'm so tired of never feeling anything anymore but feeling everything all of the time.

It seems that I've caught myself in a vicious cycle where my own thoughts will consume me before I even get to process them. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm not sure if I wanna feel anything at all. I've become a shell of a person that everyone used to know and I'm so scared that I'll never get myself back. I used to love so many different things, hung out with so many people and put smile on other people's faces, but now I just feel like a void. A terrible, dark, bottomless void. Panic attacks started to look like the only time when I feel actual identifiable emotions.