I’ve gone through a lot growing up. At 12, I lost my mom and life has never been the same since. This coming January makes 10 years since she has passed and it’s just crazy. I feel like I’ve missed out on so much because I didn’t have the guidance of my mother during my most important years and I still feel like I’m missing out on so much. This May, I am graduating from college and it’s going to be a hard day for me even though it should be exciting. I’ve worked hard to be able to obtain my degree however my mom won’t be there to see it…she won’t be there for any future event for me and it’s just hard to wrap my mind around. I also regret so much. I wish I could go back in time and be more open with her. Granted I was young but I wish we had more photos together, I wish I was upfront with my feelings, I just wish I had a normal mother-daughter relationship. I’m jealous of the women around me that have healthy relationships w their moms because I wish I had that. I also hate the fact that I can’t remember her voice… I feel awful.

When I lost my mom I ultimately lost my dad too. He hasn’t been the same and it’s just hard to deal with. I know he’s going through a lot and I wish he opened up about how he felt bc he never does until he’s at a breaking point and he’s pissed. I feel so bad for my dad… I genuinely do and it’s just hard to talk to him about my mom without him shooing me off and it hurts but i understand he’s going through a lot too. I love my father but life will never be the same and I hate that. I wish my father was genuinely happy. I have a lot of issues w my father that have caused me to be in therapy (it’s not all about him but alot of my issues stem from when I lost my mom and the after effects) but I ultimately want what’s best for him; even though he thinks he’s the “bad guy.”

I don’t know what it is about this school year but I never felt so alone like I feel now. Maybe it’s bc I’m graduating a year later and I don’t have my friends here or it could be bc I’m living officially alone alone now but I don’t know how I feel. I have bad social anxiety so I do tend to isolate myself but what I feel is different. I always have the feeling and need to cry now and I don’t know why but it’s just all challenging. Im really trying to push through but sometimes the day is just hard to get through. I just feel so alone and sometimes I just wished someone asked how I was doing but knowing me I’ll just say “I’m fine” 

I just wanted to vent… I needed it. I want to join a support group for motherless daughters but I can’t find any in my area. If anybody has any suggestions please comment some groups! TIA