The general cause of most of my issues/problems is that I don’t value myself and instead of acknowledging/fixing it I’ve externalized it into other people and situations. I always have these really negative feelings and thoughts towards myself. I’m always believing I deserve nothing or punishment, and that I’m all these really awful thoughts or words. 

I never learned how to heal that or even admit it in a way that’s nonjudgmental. I try to use other people as a way to figure out what I deserve or who I am. I struggle to not center people in my self worth. I also use people to validate myself in every way. I feel like someone else needs to tell me I’m ok. That’s a problem. Also no one can solve it but me. 

For once I don’t feel ashamed to say that. I understand why I feel the way I do, and I get why I’ve had so many issues in life. Well I wanna say I’m proud of myself. Thank you.