I was reading an article about BPD when I came across what sometimes happens when "splitting" and "projecting" happen together:

&gt;In splitting, people with BPD “disown” or deny entire parts of themselves, frequently projecting them onto others. 

I realized this is something I do *a lot*. Soon enough I was feeling... bad. I couldn't even zero in on exactly what I was feeling. I just knew I felt bad and didn't want to finish the article, read the wikipedia about it, or have anything to do with this- I wanted to be far away. I was about to close out my browser and play a computer game when it hit me that I was trying to avoid this new uncomfortable discovery.

I do the same thing when I avoid reading my DBT books. They stress me out for some reason. At first I thought it was about avoiding *pain* but now I think it's about avoiding feeling *blamed*. Or the pain of *knowing* I'm to blame :\ 

and also fear of being/becoming responsible? The DBT books *are* trying to empower me by telling me I'm responsible and I can take control of my thoughts, emotions, etc

I'm pushing myself to write up this post even, haha. Either way, how do you power through it? At the rate I'm going I'll never finish those books, apply what I've learned, start going back to therapy etc...