I’m pretty sure I might have BPD and one of the ways that manifests is CONSTANT intrusive, self destructive thoughts of wanting to push others away by being rude intentionally, or more commonly just isolating myself on purpose and ruining my own life. The rude thoughts feel kind of good at times too, which scares me afterward. More commonly the rude thoughts are about being rude to strangers, not people I care about. These thoughts feel like the right thing to do to me at the time but then I’ll feel bad about them, it’s like I have two people inside of me. 

Obviously I’m responsible for controlling these thoughts and being a better person but they feel uncontrollable too. Im just wondering if anyone has experienced similar and if it got better with meds. Is this a common thing with BPD? I never really act on the rude thoughts but i isolate