TW/ parental death/ health issues
this is very strange and i need to talk it out but it’s currently 2AM so typing will have to do. My mom went to the hospital today for chest pain- she had a bunch of tests done and seems to just be a false alarm. I wasn’t really that worried throughout the day and spent the evening watching tv with her. Until tonight. My mom snores like crazy and so to be nice to my dad she decided to sleep in the guest room downstairs. My room is upstairs and she swore she was fine but the idea of her not being within earshot of someone else made me really nervous. I decided to sleep on the couch. Although I haven’t been able to sleep a wink. At first it was just ‘oh i’m sleeping on the couch instead of my bed and I had caffeine a bit too late in the day’ which turned into ‘i’m really worried about my mom’ which has now turned into ‘i know that my mom is going to die tonight.’ In my messed up brain it all adds up. I just came home from college for fall break, my sister just got internet after camping this weekend and was able to call this evening. My brother called and so did my grandparents (my moms parents). My dad, mom and I had a good evening. I for some reason have convinced myself that my mom is going to die tonight. I have writte n a script in my head of what I am going to tell 911 when I inevitably have to make the call. I even went upstairs to get my CPR mask from my first aid kit. I have lost it. I know this is so unreasonable but I can’t stop it. I just don’t want my mom to die :( anyway i think i just needed to type it out to fully see how unreasonable i am being. if you believe in a higher power please pray for my anxious panicked spirit.