Hello, 

Long story. I am a 23M who had a thing with a 21F. We started to date back in march. And we stop talking today, with my fault being the reason why, although here is where I see that anxious attacheement, although self destructing, is sometimes good. With this girl we started showing signs that we only wanted something casual, that we only wanted sex. Well, the first date comes around and we kiss, touch, and... held hands. I dont know why, but holding hands feels so much intimate than having sex, well for me. Well second date comes around and its more of the same. We talk about what we wanted, well she say that shed be down to something serious, or so. Well, now where the problems arrives. Im a big texter, not everyday but i always like to know about the person, I like to have profound convo irl AND through text. Well, she wasnt. She never ask me about my goals, never even 'fake' interesting about my passions, but I did, I wanted to know more about her. It doesnt help that in our two dates nothing of substance was brought up, only funny talk. She is a 'party girl' im not, so shes more sociable that way. Fine, I could adapt. Well, it shouldnt be like that though. And she told me that she "was interested" in getting to know me to now if we were compatible... Idk why would u hold hands... with someone if thats ur mindset, nor want to have sex, or something. So I was always confuse with her, never knew what she wanted out of me, cuz even when i ask her she never gave me a clear answer. But since i was somehow attracted to the idea of being with her, I kept insisiting, having multiple anxiety attacks while talking to her. The one memorable was when she cancel a date 30 min before, when knowing well enough that i love far away from her... And i had to ask her cuz she went MIA... Also, she always respond to messages after I  double text her...And she would say : Oh, i thought i asnwered u... Well needless to say that I was anxious af. I never felt good with her, yet I wanted to date her. But through this, I understood that I need to change the way I attach myself to people: not only attached to the idea of me being with that person, but what that person really does to me, how she cares about me the way I care about her, how she is available to me as well as me. Well, even though I was wrong and bad for sometimes berated her bcz of the way she acted towards me... I know i gotta change that, cuz its controlling and bad. I now look at this as a blessing in desguise. She played me ( she asked me 100$ for her student loans and I had to beg her to pay me...) with her indiferrence. Well, now I got to know me a little bit more. Well, glad that is over and I know myself better know, that I know what I have to work at and what type of person I should and should not date.

Ps: Even when she was 'talkative to me" she told me that she showed her interst towards someone not by flirting but by asking about their day... She never accomadate to me the way I did.