So I tried to go to university at the beginning of the pandemic but failed miserably. I thought I could push myself through but couldn’t. I’ve been working myself up, being independent, making appointments for myself and going to the doctors alone (couldn’t because of previous trauma being at a doctor). 

But right not I’m just at a loss. I have a job interview ( I’m doing dual studies, university and a job at the same time) tomorrow in a different city than I live in. I’ve been studying for it and really got stuff to say. I even got a suit and nice shoes and everything that belongs into it. But right now I’m just shaking from fear. I feel this heavy weight on my lungs and my eyes water up continuously. I don’t know why it’s getting so bad. Maybe because I wasn’t able to do much after breaking off my previous studies and wasn’t stopped into just retreating. But this interview is super important to me and I don’t want to mess it up either. 

I’ve been pacing around all day and I just don’t know what to do. I feel that at this point I’m too afraid to even go. Usually my anxiety prevents me from doing that because I want to be a functioning member of society. But it feels all so heavy. I really don’t know what to do. Everything is all over the place and I feel pathetic and weak for feeling this way. 

I apologize in hindsight for the rant. But I really need advice