Hello, i'm an 18 year old. I have no idea how to start this off, first post here and new here too. But does anyone else feel like they have complete lost themselves? I don't know what my future is going to be like, I recently realized that those friends I actually felt I had connected with and those you can always come back to, aren't to be trusted anymore. Then my suppousingly "bestfriend" is dating my ex-girlfriend and decided to keep it a secret for a month even thought I didn't care, he thought I was gonna go crazy... I also live a very normal life, I have a loving family, I work a regular job at a pizza place, I go to school (and do very poorly) so it's not that. I have no idea what is eating up my soul, but I wake up every single day feeling worse and worse, when I drive alone after dropping some classmates off I have short day dreams about going way over the speed limit and smashing the car into a wall or just blowing my brains out for no reason and they come more and more. I tell my self the only reason I don't unalive my self is because I don't want my "friends" (in this I refer to classmates which I barely talk to and a few online" and especially my family to feel the pain of losing someone that they've known and spent time and money and feelings on. I'd go as far to say I literally don't have a reason to live anymore.