this has been a very sweet realization for me. my ex broke up with me a few months ago, as he could no longer stomach the discards. i tried so very hard to stop them, but when logic goes out the window and paranoia sets in, rational thinking becomes quite difficult. i was drawn like a magnet to him from the first moment we started linking. i remember dissecting what i was feeling in order to recognize whether it was infatuation or love. turns out it was both. i’ve since learned that with me, although there is a clear distinction between the two, there is no love without infatuation, there is only the desire to regulate said obsession. since the break up(which completely destroyed me), i’ve come to love and appreciate this person more. what i feel now is compassion and acceptance, and sorrow for the things i did to hurt someone who is precious to me. a genuine appreciation for him, a “whole” love that is not dependent upon what that person will or will not give me in return. there’s also this sense of wanting to protect, and a peacefulness instead of a desire to possess. i want this person to thrive and be happy. i haven’t devalued him for a month, which is a long stretch for me. i realize now that i did not recognize the pain i was causing because i did not believe i mattered enough to have much of an effect, and i had a very warped, dark perception of him based upon fears and paranoia, but that’s another topic. anyway, i am very interested to hear how others with bpd came to the realization that they were experiencing genuine, selfless love for a partner(or ex partner).