I wanted to die 1001 days ago. I was unmedicated and treating my body and my mind like absolute trash. I'd drink to the point of throwing up nearly every night. I hated waking up in the mornings; it was just a countdown until I could start drinking again. I couldn't get drunk enough to numb the pain. It only seemed to exacerbate my rage and instability. I lost friends, money(so much fucking money), family members, all due to my own denial of my illness.

I finally hit my low. The lowest of my lows. I wanted to die. I was alone, 500 miles from any real friends or family. I just couldn't see my life getting any better. I was drowning in debt, with next to no health insurance. I had maybe $500 in my bank account. I blacked out at 8PM and came to as I was vomiting on my front stoop around 4AM. I had just gotten into a VERY destructive fight with a friend(no longer), and I just couldn't do it anymore. I was ready to die. Nothing was goin to get better, and I would just keep fucking my life up until I died. I felt like a complete failure to my family, myself, and my cat. I wanted to die, but tbh my cat wouldn't have had anyone else to take care of him if I left. That's really what did it for me. I didn't have any person near me who supported me, but damn it my cat has been there for it all. I couldn't leave him.

I took myself to my primary care doctor that next morning and told them I wanted to die. I immediately got set up with a crisis center and was set up with a psychiatrist and a therapist. I never touched alcohol after that day.

And here I am!!! I made it!!! Even after all this bullshit, the pandemic, american politics, the sheer vitriol that has divided the US, i stuck with my meds, my therapy and myself, and I am still here and definitely happier AND healthier than i was. I do not miss drinking at ALL. I don't think I'll ever drink again. I moved back home with my family, got a new job with good insurance, and I have more money saved now than I ever have in my entire life. I have the best therapist in the world. And the best fucking cat in the world. He's my little rock, my ride or die.

To anyone struggling with drinking, I feel you. It's so fucking worth it to quit. I couldn't believe how easy it was to wake up in the morning and have a functioning brain that wasn't FLOODED with anxiety and regret. After like a week, I felt surreally better, like a huge fog was lifted and I could actually see and interact with the real world as a human, and not a shell of rage and depression. It was like I had escaped some alternative reality torture that I had been inflicting on my brain and body for over a decade. Also, weed helps a LOT.

Anyway, I'm proud of me and wanted to share. I love you guys and I hope this can help show someone else who is struggling that it's possible and it's worth it.