I’ll be honest. I feel like garbage. Like not the alternative band garbage, but like a discarded sack of vile refuse that a shitty kitchen doesn’t want.

I started this new job (yay me) and it’s not horrible. The work I do sucks, but the coworkers seem nice enough. It’s a pathway I guess. But something about going from barely working 14 hours a week to near full time has set off some kind of episode. I keep getting feelings of SI then it will lay down. I keep flashing back to old friendships and romantic relationships and it feels triggering. I’m alone now and just working and crying at night… ugh I feel so gross.

I just need friends tonight. Anyone with a positive word… I love you.