Trigger alert! 

Hi! 27 F dealing with depression for a long time, currently with meds and a therapist. Sorry for any mistake since English is not my first languaje.

I want and need someone advice/words because I'm struggling tonight!
I recently broke up with my bf of 3 years, best friend for 12 years, and we live together since December 2020. The breakup is hard since we live together (can't move until October this year) and I have to set some distance so I can deal with the pain and the process.

I decide to break up with him because I lack the ability of setting boundaries and I was being absorbed by him. My now exbf is very codependent of me so it wasn't the best scenario.

The last couple of days I been feeling really sad and anxious with what is happening. Today he told me we want to die because everything around him sucks (is working on a shitty job,money issues, feeling bad in general) and he  doesn't want to listen for reasons and dont want to try and live. I try to talk to him and then stay with him until he fall sleep. He doesn't want to go to therapy either. 

I'm scare, really scare that he may do something to hurt himself,but scare for myself too. I don't know how to stop feeling guilty for what is happening and I'm feeling bad for keeping a distance between each other. I'm feeling like I'm entering an episode and I'm afraid this affects negatively my life and I  hurt  myself or start with destructic habits.

I needed to let this go but also want to know what you people think? I feel like I need help and I'm handling a lot, I'm feeling like a mess and everything is out of control.