CW: abuse, molestation and pedophilia 

i was told by a psychiatrist before that they don’t do diagnoses until 18. and then by another that they do? either way, bam. i’m under 18 and i’m borderline. i feel invalidated by some people here because i think they think that you can’t be borderline if you’re not over 18? which just.. isn’t true. a simple google search will tell you. perhaps my symptoms will get better as i age, but bpd does NOT look the same for everhbody! treatment doesn’t look the same for ppl with bpd as well. i think that much is obvious. i’m lucky to have been put into therapy at a pretty young age. i’ve been getting treatment for a while, and at first only diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ptsd. something was missing though. nothing could really explain THIS. nothing could explain me the way bpd did. i don’t know. i’m honestly so confused and feel like i’m faking all the time. i honestly feel like an imposter and that i could just stop this anytime i want if i stopped “feeling so sorry for myself”. i mean, i’ve always been a difficult child. i was born very sensitive and always more difficult than the other kids. my parents told me they never knew why. my parents are immigrants and worked all the time, so as a baby i was living in china with an aunt for a year or two before going back to america. apparently i thought my aunt was my mom, and in the middle of the night i’d sneak out the appartment screaming and calling for my mom. i don’t remember it but my mom tells me i had done this numerous times. this didn’t happen with my brother. my parents also abused me physically and emotionally as a kid. it messed me up. my brother on the other hand is literally fine, he doesn’t struggle with mental illness the way i do, but i came out of it messed up. adding onto that, i was molested for a year at an early age by an adult i knew. messed me up as well. all risks for someone to develop borderline. i got into relationships at a young age, all being ... i can’t even explain it. i didn’t know why i was so fucked up. i didn’t know why i felt the way i did. i didn’t know how i felt. i didn’t know how to explain it because it seemed like nobody around me knew just how intense, agonizing and paralyzing the pain i experienced was. they didn’t understand just how intense my emotions were. i finally found borderline, an answer to everything. an answer to myself. i don’t think of it as a trend, because it’s literally part of me. i’m finally able to explain myself and understand myself more than i could ever before. i don’t know. this was a mess i’m just emotional and triggered. i have so much more to say.. so much more i feel i’ve been wronged about, so much more sorrow i have for myself from the mistreatment and suffering that i’ve gone through even during the short amount of time i’ve been alive. but, i’m just so tired of feeling like i have to prove myself for people to validate me. i have all the symptoms and nearly all the risk factors for borderline but what does that mean? right?? i’m exhausted. i was invalidated and demeaned and abused my whole life for it and this is me standing up for myself with what i have left. yea anyways, love to you all. i feel you and i’m glad that i’m not alone in suffering from this . just wanted to get some thoughts out