Context: So, I started a causal relationship around last year Christmas time with this guy. (Probably one of the worst things I could’ve done in all honesty) and I was honest to god obsessed with the idea of this guy falling in love with me. I would think about it all the time and neglect everything else. 

It wasn’t anything special, I fell hard for him and he never felt the same back. It put me into an episode that I still haven’t recovered out of in all honesty. I don’t ever cry over guys but I cried for a long time over this guy and I don’t think I’ll be able to move in properly. I was always bringing him up in conversation and the worst thing is, we never dated in the end. In fact, I don’t even speak to him anymore. I still, to this day, have this vivid memory of crying into my best friend and saying how I considered him my boyfriend because this was the closest thing to a relationship that I have had in such a long time.

Growing up, I always assumed that’s what girls my age thought about but I’m a lot older and that’s all I think about - I think about all my past flames/loves seeing me move on and they all silently wish I was back with them. I think about different scenarios of how we get together, songs that I would consider “our songs” and how me being with them would make a better person.

I’ve always been in flings, casual relationships or relationships so intense it burns out as quickly as it starts and I’ve always had this insatiable need. I’ve posted on this sub before about BPD with relationships in regards to not being ready, not being okay and wanting something you just can’t have.  

I’m just a little tired of these thoughts. I want to be ready for a relationship and I want to be with someone and I want to be happy, but I don’t think that’s on the cards right now.

I just wanna know if anyone has overcome this and these thoughts of wanting and obsessing over the idea of finding that something that doesn’t seem to exist in real life and only in your mind.