Okay. So I've been experiencing a lot of depression symptoms for many years now. I don't have energy or motivation to do anything. I'm pretty apathetic. I have some anxiety. I find it really difficult to get out of bed every day and I really struggle maintaining good hygiene. I have self harmed in the past (but I don't do it on a regular basis). I have suicidal thoughts sometimes (I don't idealise it, but I feel like it's an easy way out). I basically lay in bed for 20 hours per day every day and can't seem to change that by myself. 

BUT!!! I don't have a persistent low mood. Can one even be depressed if they don't have a persistent low mood? Maybe im just lazy and haven't tried hard enough?. Like I feel neutral most of the time. And my neutral is a pretty pleasant neutral. If I get sad, it lasts a few hours at most and then I go back to being neutral. I do spend a looooot of time distracting myself from feeling negative emotions tho by watching YouTube and listening to music. But my main issue is that I know that I'm ruining my life by not being able to do anything productive, but I cant seem to change it. So idk how I feel about being prescribed an ssri 🤔