Long story short , I’m 99% sure I have bpd. I’ve known for years but have been to scared to get the diagnosis . But I can’t keep living like this. I need change . I need to figure out atleast trying to help myself . And since I’m quite sure this is it, I feel my first step is diagnosis. I saw a therapist twice a year or so ago. I told her about my thoughts and she said she couldn’t diagnose it. Our second session was awkward . She didn’t direct the conversation. I felt mortified and haven’t been to another appointment since . It just felt like she should have been directing me a little more , but we sat in a lot of awkward silence . Literally it took effort not to walk out crying. So I’m also scared to find someone new. I KNOW I need it, but I don’t want a repeat of how bad that experience was for me.