My life in general needs de-escalation, but this is definitely one of the more challenging things, since it keeps getting worse the more I find out about myself and how it impacts my life. A quick rundown, the triggering events happened years ago, but recently it downwards spirals. Catalysts for this were: 
- a big decrease in physical strength due to hormone therapy 
- finding out about what I have
- seeing the ways it impacts my life
- realising that it warps my perception in very deep ways for example I don’t know what the difference between attraction and fear is and it seems to me that its mostly fear anyways
I thought about just stopping questioning myself, but that doesn’t seem quite right, I don’t know if getting worse is the price I want to pay for clarity.