I just can’t fathom it. I don’t get it. I don’t get how a parent can look at a little kid like that and do so horribly. I can’t believe my mom screamed, abused, and mentally tormented me when I was *that*. I can’t believe my dad would leave me and willingly go to fucking war in a distant country when he *knew* how abusive my mom was. If you know just how shitty she is, why would you leave? I don’t get it.

I just don’t get it. I cannot believe how stupid two people would have to be to conceive that baby, nurture him, and then decide to mentally hurt him over and over and over again. And over. And over. And over again.

The only conclusion I can come to is that my parents A) enjoy hating themselves for their own failures as parents and 2) hate me and want me dead. They want me dead so they can “idealize” their own failures as parents and people.

I’m 24 and I’m just realizing the extent of all this so maybe it’s dramatic. I don’t know.