You wake up crying. You pick up your phone, open google search engine, and start looking for ways to painlessly end your life. You find articles about people who have had suicidal tendencies but they are afraid to die. Suddenly, it all begins to resonate. You find your tribe. The people who are perhaps depressed and lonely and even suicidal but they don't want to die. I am one of them. I have lost all motivation and will to live but i am afraid to end my life. Are there ways that guarantee death and are compleltely painless? 
Getting through the day is so hard - toxic relationships, inability to speak up for myself, a controlled environment..and no motivation to live. I have lost it all. 
These are my thoughts at 5:00 am IST. This is me.righr now.  I am not sure about rules of this page but i know i am feeling a little better after writing here.