Last night I got so upset and jealous of something stupid that I ignored my boyfriend in front of all his friends and made him feel like absolute shit and then messaged him saying I don’t think I can do this anymore. We ended up going outside to talk and he calmed me down and I apologised for being so shitty but he said he’s fed up of there being something wrong every week. I recently was formally diagnosed with BPD, BDD and disordered eating, and OCD, and so my anxiety often gets the better of me. 

He’s so patient with me and understanding and in many ways this is the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had, but I fully understand I am hard work to be with. And I really love him so much and more than anything else and the last thing I want is for him to leave me. But then why do I keep pushing him away? :(

What treatment has helped you guys? I need to make an appointment with my doctor to go through the treatment options my psychiatrist suggested. He said antidepressants should help with the anxiety and OCD and mood stabilisers could help with impulses etc. But really what I need first and foremost is psychotherapy, it’s just not as easily attainable where I live as medication :(