I truly am a pure soul that doesn't deserve this. FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU! 

You have no fucking idea how much it hurts to see someone who you care about leave. Wondering if they actually cared about you. Thinking you and your secrets were safe with them. 

My mind is so fucked up rn I don't even know if I am angry at you, thinking that you don't deserve my anger but also do. I can't even enjoy my vacation. 

I finally found someone I could trust, but then you proved me wrong and I can't trust anybody anymore. 

Even still in my anger I care about you, I just hope your safe. Because deep down that just who I am, a loving and caring person. But right now I don't know what to do 

I've been doing so much for you, sacrificed parts of me for your happyness. Even now im still doing it, for what? To get treated like this. I wanna kms. Thanks. 

Deep down I knew you didn't mean it when you said you would always be there for me. I just hoped you wouldn't be like the rest. 

Was it all a bunch of lies? Was anything we had real? 

Still can't believe that you are doing this to me after all I've done for you. 

Seeing how hard I fought for you to stay, and seeing you leave after everything shows me how much i mean to you. 

I dont mind the break up, I'm sad that I lost a friend. Someone who cared for me 

It breaks me that I'm starting my new school and you're not here to support me after you promised me you would. 

I just want to let everything go, have you hold me and cry my eyes out, because I know I was safe with you. 

I'm stuck between hating you, missing you, being angry at you and regretting leaving you. My mind is just messed up. 

My mind is blank but also dark at the same time. 

I miss you, but also know I should because of what happend. Deep down I hope we could start over again. 

I sit on the sidelines, watching everybody be happy and find love, wondering if I'll ever get that or if I already missed my chance. 

My mind is constantly playing the scene in my head where you promised to be there for me when I start my new school. I hate myself. 

It's hard trying to convince myself that I don't need you. 

Everything makes me think about you, it's just bringing me and my mental state down. 

I'm angry, at you, myself at everything. 

I'm just so angry, it's just making me so tired, too tired. 

Looking back on our relationship, having you see me in the hospital, so vulnerable and weak, you chose to leave me. I can feel a knife in my heart, I just wish it was real right now. 

Every thought I have of our memories makes my heart ache. 

I hope one day you will realize you lost someone that loves you more than he loved himself. 

I'm tired, too tired of living like this, too tired to keep going. 

I keep on torturing myself but I don't know how to stop it. 

I just want the torture to end, I just want it all to end. 

The thoughts aren't stopping, they're just getting worse 

I just feel like my life is so insignificant and my disappearance won't be missed. 

The voice in the back of my head is making me doubt, ik just not sure if it's making me doubt to do or not do it.


I just want clarity in my mind. 

I would if not already did sacrifice everything for you. 

Everyday I put on a fake face and pretend like everything is OK. 

I dont even know what to think anymore. I feel like I was just insignificant to you and you will just find someone else and act like I never meant anything 

I remember the times you fell asleep in my arms, you felt so safe and was so precious to me. 

All these images and moments of us are flashing in my mind, I just keep wondering why did it all go wrong. 

I always thought I was a failure, but you never made me feel like that 

I never told anyone how I was feeling because I thought they wouldn't care, I thought you were different. 

I used to be very quiet and keep everything to myself. Then i met you and told you so much, all my secrets. Now im not sure if I can do it again and if you're gonna keep my secrets safe. 

Would you cry if you found out I was dead? 

I can't keep putting on a mask to hide how I truly feel. 

I don't make long term plans because I don't expect to be there for them 

I just wanna start driving and just let go of the wheel. 

It's hard to find happiness throughout the day. 

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, I'm just sticking around for nothing. Once I finish the lasts things I can leave. 

I lay in my bed, scared. I don't know what to do. 

I started this year thinking I would do so many things, have fun and what not, and now I'm highly certain that I won't see the end of this year. 

Do you still love me? Like love love me? 

I could never tell anyone how I actually felt. 

The thing us, I want to keep going but just not like this. 

Don't say I haven't tried to be happy, it's the only thing I've been doing. 

Is your love or hate stronger for me? 

Where is my light in this darkness? 

Even after everything what happend I would still sacrifice myself for you, because that's just the kind of person i am. 

Do you regret what you have done? Would you say sorry? 

There is so much I could say or do to hurt you, but I don't. Because that's just not who I am. I am a loving and caring person. Like I said, I'm different, I'm not like other boys. 

I feel a pain in my chest, but I'm not scared or afraid. I welcome it. 

Am I actually out of your life or still in your head? 

Nobody knows what kind of pain I'm going through. 

I'm doing everything to numb the pain. 

I would want kids, but honestly I don't think I'll make it to that age. I don't even plan on it. 

My love language was physical touch, that's why I always wanted to hold you when I talked to you so you knew I meant what was saying. 

I want to cry, but I don't have any tears left. 

It's all eating away at me slowly by slowly, until there is nothing left of me. 

You made me feel loved, hated and worthless at the same time. 

I hate myself every second of the day. 

I just want all this pain, anger and suffering to end but there is only way. 

I can't even count the amount of times I faked being okay. 

I always tried my best for you, I always fucking tried. And for what? Just to be fucking abandoned like this, fucking great. 

I vvant even concentrate because of how much you are haunting me 

Maybe in death I will find peace. 

I'm weak, useless and worthless. But with you I felt safe. 

Am I a failure to you now? 

I didn't love you for your body, I loved you because you were you. 

I'm good at hiding my pain, that's why nobody thought there was something wrong. 

I was lost, then you found me but now im broken, scared and lost again. 

I just wanted to give you my love. 

I feel like the only thing I can say now is sorry. 

The only thing I can do is blame myself because everything is my fault. 

I just wanna cry my eyes out and be held. I want to feel safe again. 

Not a single moment goes by where I don't think about how terrible my life is. 

The pain in my chest just doesn't stop. 

I just wanna crash my bike at high-speed and just get this over with. 

I'm always helping other people when they're sad, but no one is here to help me. 

Every night when I go to sleep I hope I don't wake up. 

I am drowning in my dark thoughts. 

Even face to face people can't even tell that there is something wrong with me. 

I'm actively trying to find happiness in my life, but I think I'll stop soon. For good. 

Do you even know when you've done something wrong? 

Your face, your pretty little face. I can't forget it. 

The amount of things I was willing to do for you. 

My days are fun, I laugh and have fun with my friends. But then I go back to my room, all alone, sitting with my thoughts, hating myself. 

I want, no I need someone where I can feel safe, calm and vulnerable with again. 

Every day I just lose more and more faith. 

My thoughts always get corrupted by the darkness of its own shadow. 

I rarely smiled, but when I was with you it wad the only thing I could do. 

How is it that without 18 years someone's life can actually become so dark. 

Every second alive us an attack on my sanity. 

Whenever I am nearly out of this pit of depression I fall all the way back down again. 

I would just want to make everything right again. 

Sleep can't fix this type of tired. 

When is it my turn to be happy? 

Every cry for help gets ignored.