So in a couple of weeks time I am moving to London to start at my dream university and I am dreading it! 

I worked so hard to get to this point, but now it feels like this is so far out of my comfort zone I would rather die. I'm a (very) mature student living with someone I've only met a couple of times, luckily they're my age, but I haven't said I have BPD and feel like I'm going to need to act 'normal' constantly which feels like so much pressure.

The course is really intense and means I'll be at uni all day every day, including some shifts in the evening, and I feel like I am going to be swamped and just want to come home.

I live in the country and hate the idea of living in London, I feel like I am doing this to close a loop as this was my childhood dream to study this subject but everything in my gut is telling me this is too much.

I had a casual job working over the summer and they advertised an internal marketing opportunity, which I'd love to go for, but equally I know it's too safe and I need to do more and push myself, but it feels so lonely and hollow.

I have to go, I've committed to the contract and the uni place and I have to do it. I hate that BPD is so overwhelming and I keep telling myself everyone will be nervous and it's normal but it's so hard.

I think I'm having flashbacks to my schooldays as a teenager where I had an awful time, and keep having those thoughts that will I make friends? Where will I eat lunch? etc.  

Just wanted to get that off my chest, everyone's excited for me to start but it feels like hell to me!