I just have to bite the bullet and accept that I'm not a good guy best-friend. No, I don't have the SA mindset. I just say that I want my female friend to be happy, but when I do and it is with another guy, it fucking destroys me on the inside and I fucking hate it. She doesn't know that is how I feel and I can't bring myself to tell her because she knows the state I'm in. She's not the type to blackmail people. I'm not the man who could watch her face and eyes fill with hurt and sadness. I've tried to let it go but it never works. It makes me sick to my stomach. I'm a fucked up person who doesn't deserve anything good, don't give me that bs. If I haven't changed now, I won't change tomorrow. Going to just start drinking my pain away.