We've been together around ten years. It's been hard for me (she has BPD, I do not). I needn't harp on my struggles here -- I'm sure everyone's aware of what it's like.

She's on a path to manage her BPD, or overcome it, and things have definitely improved. I'm incredibly proud of the progress she's made, especially cutting out of her like the toxic people who acted as nasty voices whispering in her ear.

Me, I'm a very sensitive guy. I have emotional needs. Like anyone else I need my wife to be there for me, to support me, to express sympathy on a sucky day, to hold me when my self-esteem is wavering, to elbow me in the ribs when it's not actually as bad as all that. Standard stuff.

Unfortunately she hasn't been able to do these things for quite a long time, and though things have improved greatly she's still a long way from there.

She feels horrible about all the suffering she's put me through over the years, and feels really bad that she can't be there for me as much as I'd like. But lately she's become obsessed with something she things will help me: for me to have a relationship outside our marriage.

I guess a lot of guys would smile, say "oh yeah, green light!" then skip off into the night, but I'm not that guy. I have zero interest in casual sex, and I just don't see the point of an open relationship.

I keep telling her I hate the idea, but she won't let it go. She seems to think it's a way to get me the comfort and compassion that I deserve, even though she also knows it's just not like me to go this route.

I won't lie; our marriage is in rough shape. But me taking a mistress sure as hell won't save it.

I need advice. I need her to understand that this is no solution and she needs to drop it. Or if it's her way to end the marriage she should just end it.

Yes I have emotional needs but I can hack it for now. I want to make this thing work. I've lowered my expectations already in terms of emotional fulfilment ... do I have to lower them some more? Will there be a time when we barely notice her BPD?

I guess the real question is: can a marriage really work if BPD is in the mix?
