I seriously can't kick it for good. I even mentally hate it and then impulsively, almost while watching myself make the mistake, buy a Redbull or have coffees back to back. 

It has made my eating disorder remain, it's caused my defensiveness and paranoia and anxiety to fuck up so much. But the sleep hygiene and eating issues make me tired so I always turn to it to not feel tired and depressed.

I just hate how addicted and impulsive I am.