I made a throwaway to post about this and hopefully get some sort of help of what I might have without it tracing back to me personally. But when I was younger I used to hold the belief that the things around me might not have been real based on there being too many coincidences in my life an example being that I could think about an episode of a show while walking home or talk about the episode and it would be on tv the same night there’s been some others like thinking about hanging out with my friend only for him to message me or call me and ask to hang out For a while I started getting really anxious that if people knew my thoughts they might hate me or that maybe certain people could like read my mind, And it wasn’t a full actual belief just a thought I would have that would cause me anxiety. When I was younger I used to be nervous in cars because I always thought the driver might want to kill me and I would get really scared and try to keep something sharp near me just in case but I haven’t felt that way at all in a really long time. But now I get really scared and anxious if I think about the thought of my significant other cheating on me because I worry I might control it in a way if I think about it or worry about it, it really will happen like I’m jinxing it and these trust issues I have I fear will cause a divide in my relationship if I don’t rationalize it soon and try to work it out. I’m sorry if this is a jumbled mess I’m really tired and I’ve been up all night trying to just see if anyone else has ever dealt with this and what it might be or if any of it is connected in anyway I know I was a really weird kid and I would always worry about people wanting to hurt me or cause harm to me and now I worry about people intentionally causing emotional harm to me because they can like I’m just a tool. Idk what to do and any speculation on what this might be or just something I can research would really help because recently I’m not getting much sleep at all I keep having nightmares about my significant other hurting me or choosing others over me and I don’t want to worry about this anymore. For context I have been cheated on before and used but not by her we’ve been together for 4 months now and even just saying not by her makes me worry that I’m jinxing it and I’ll find out she’s been using me for emotional gain or something, our relationship is great and I hate worrying about this and I hate feeling like the world revolves around me or something but sometimes it really feels that way like people know me and my past and I’m just a fool being unaware