For the first time in 3 weeks i feel happy.

I have been suicidal and suffering from regular panic attacks for the past 3 weeks. Its been really rough for me. Today was going okay for me, with only one panic attack and i know what caused it. But just like an hour ago i was talking to my friend online. I was feeling depressed and she said that she would get me this ace ring ive been wanting of i phoned for a talk therapy session. I told her no because id feel bad since she is so kind and i am not. She disagreed and went out of her way to quote things i did that she thought were kind.

I cried. Ive always felt alone. Ive never noticed it before but im always the overlooked. Im not by best friends best friend. Im always the last person to find out anything because people always assume i already know. Like the time my brother was jumped, or the fact that my neibour has cancer, or the fact that a good friend of mine came out as bi. The few compliments i actually get have always felt disingenuous. I don't feel like they mean it. They're just saying it to be polite.

For the first time in 3 weeks, i looked in the mirror and saw myself, not some sad fuck with cuts on his hand. I know it isnt gonna last to tomorrow, so im going to make the most of it now. I feel valid. I dont feel empty, or sad. Im a little anxious thinking about tomorrow, but im happy for now. :D