i have this constant intense sense of shame that sorta convinces me i do not deserve love. whenever i remember something from my past (not even necessarily relationship wise) that could be interpreted negatively, i ruminate and analyze it to the point where i feel like i deserve to hurt myself. it makes the shame intensify to awful levels. it could be anything but usually i ruminate in themes. like maybe for a week i’ll be stuck on being a bad girlfriend, another week i’ll worry about sexual related things, like if I ever acted inappropriately or hurt someone sexually, etc etc. these are just a few examples. i do also have ocd which doesn’t help.