Background info - we met at the beginning of September (yes, you read that right...two months ago!). I am 24 he said he is 22. I have only recently found out he is actually 19. He is Muslim, very religious and doesn’t drink, works hard, is very regimented in certain areas of his life. So he doesn’t come across as being 19. I’m still trying to figure out regardless of his maturity, if 19 is just too young for me. 

Anyways, overlooking that cluster fuck, before I found out his age we spoke about marriage and children and even at one point in the heat of our intense emotions said let’s just go to a registry office and get married. Now, after stepping back and thinking logically as I know my emotions have a tendency to make me impulsive - I know it’s not very wise to go and marry someone after knowing them in such a short space of time. 

So we didn’t do that and I said there is no rush let’s just take things slow. However, he is very much fixated on having a family and getting married and starting a life together. I feel very loved and adored by him and I know that in his culture marriage happens quite quickly and it’s considered a norm. However, I’m not religious and I’m British and most people in British culture can’t decide where to eat for dinner let alone if they want to marry for life (I am *not* the exception here). 

We have spoke about being engaged and even browsed rings online and I’ve said we should get engaged in the future and then wait to get married when we live together etc.. He believes you should get engaged and married straight after with maybe a few months in between. Whereas I think you should get engaged and see how that works out first and prepare for marriage a few years down the line. 

We’ve had a few disagreements about marriage, he can’t understand why I don’t want to rush and I can’t understand why he wants to. At times I’ve got so overwhelmed and worked up in my head I’ve thought *he just wants to marry me to tie me down and then become abusive*. - even though he is not abusive in the slightest. 

He wants to take me for dinner today and I have a strong feeling he’s going to propose. Even amongst my crazy intense emotions, I am not impulsive enough to want to get married so quickly. I have known him for 2 months!!! Someone please tell me it is not normal to want to marry so soon?? I feel so confused and overwhelmed and I’m tired of arguing with him about it. It’s also making me want to just run away and crawl in a whole. 

I think this is prime example of how running away with your intense emotions and not stepping back and being self aware can get you into the weirdest (for lack of a better word) situations. But I can’t help that I am this way. Even if it’s just my BPD making me impulsive and fuelling these strong emotions, I can’t tell because to me it feels the same as if it wasn’t my BPD and my true emotions.