If you saw my posts well everytime when I fell for someone I become insecure. This person is also BPD. Now after I became needy and I texted her to much, it was more harrasing she blocked me for an entire month. At that point I thought she will block me for lifetime, that happened me before. But she is an emphat so not this is the problem. She stated that want to get back the connection but just as a friendship. The issue? I pushed away everyone I fell for, and this made me scared to get attached, like I get attached fully but I become anxious and clingy. And I messed up everything. Now I really want to mantain a friendship, a true real friendship with this person without ilusionate myself that at some point will be more. So how I can be less triggered? How I can let those dense feelings for her letting go, but without wimp her outside of my life, because this person woud be and is a great companion.  And I just don't want to: 

1. Ruin that again.
2. Push away literally every women I get interested romantic. 
 
So how I destroy my romantic feeling for her in a constructive way to become a genuinely platonic friendship without that deep feeling of needing someone like her in my life. I know my feeling for her were insane and toxic, I just don't want to revert to that, but also I don't want to push her out from my life.  I am honest tired doing this, I pushed away through those outbursts amazing people. I just don't want to do this again. So how I can get the strength over my feeling to don't push things awkward and to ruin again that.  Because with every relationship I ruin , I become more wounded on inside by my feelings, and my self esteem and self confidence get lower. Is like a circle. I get some shits because I have those emotional wounds I made to myself. And when a new person comes I become sure that person will go because my way to be. I want broke that pattern. How can I do it?