Severe depersonalization due to: 
MDMA, weed, cigarettes, cocaine.

I went into 2 years of freaken only darkness in my mind.

Now stopped all the drugs.
I am waking up. 

Due to stupid reckless self. I may have destroyed my life forever.
I am 24 and feel like I’ve been sad most of my life. Living and feeding my depression.

Anybody diagnosed with BPD and destroyed self for too long and is scared of what they’ve done to family, friends, self.

I literally escaped from home met a dude and let him abuse me.
Guys I am off drugs, back in school, back with fam. 
Now have to deal with accepting my idiotic reckless behaviour.
I am so ashamed and have a horrible perception of who I was in past.
I think I don’t fit in this world.
But I am back with my mother and father and I live them, I want to be a good person but due to being a monster for years, I find it like really hard.

Can I ever heal?