tldr; I want to know how those of you in loving relationships progressed in those relationships. How did you know you were ready to accept an SO's love and care as a constant without the need for regular validation? When were you able to work through your symptoms more quickly and with less intensity and just know inside, reduce the second-guessing and the urge to self sabotage? Any advice or thoughts?

I've posted a couple times over the last two and a half months about the guy I'm seeing. We had an intense first month together romantically and knew each other as friends for a month before that. We hit a rough patch in the second month (neither of us are ready to be in a committed, serious relationship right now... we are still in the early phases of our relationship) and things were moving too fast, so we took a step back and things have been much better. 

I ask this question because, though I've known him now for only about four months, he has become one of my closest friends, a support system and a confidant. I feel comfortable opening up to him and, in his own way and on his own terms, he opens to me as well. I've witnessed some of the dysfunction in his relationships with family and friends with my own eyes. I can relate. I'm there for him. I support him. I give him advice and he takes it. I want to help him be the best version of himself, but more than anything, I want to see him happy. I feel an extremely strong bond with him on a fundamental level, as a person. He's my lover and my friend. Sometimes we're hardly lovers at all and just feel happy being around and talking with each other. 

I still have bad days where I feel like I can't trust him or like he doesn't care about me, when my abandonment issues and fears read their ugly heads. But I feel a sense of deep, inner peace and assurance about him as a person. He never lies to me and he is there, ready to talk to me, if I'm upset. He supports me in the choices I make and gives me encouragement. He makes me want to be a better person. Having him in my life has inspired me in more ways than I can truly share. I feel like I am connected to him more intimately than any boyfriend I've had in the past, but I also am terrified to admit whether or not I love him yet *to myself*, let alone him, and to me that just shows I'm not there yet and that I can take my time. But I feel something so real in my heart.

We almost lost each other in that second month but neither of us were willing or able to give up that easily. I've never had someone fight for me like that. Not him begging me to stay or professing his love, not that kind of fighting. Not someone who worships at my altar and would sacrifice everything for me when we're really just starting out, but someone who is willing to compromise and work at the relationship we share as we are learning about each other and growing slowly. Someone who makes me feel safe and empowered to work on myself and my future. When he looks at me, those glances in the middle of a conversation or in a group of people, make me feel like we are the only two people in the world. I don't need him to tell me he loves me for me to know that he cares.
