I've done this before. I don't know why I do it. I don't understand myself. I know that nobody will forgive me because they're all angry at me.

I'm just so scared and I feel like hurting myself but then I would feel even more guilty. I sabotaged almost every relationship I had and I don't know why. 

I don't have a therapist or any professional support and I'm not sure where to seek it. 

I'm miserable and I feel like maybe I deserve everything coming my way.

Did any of you ever feel this way? Did you ever do this? I feel so alone and I'm sorry for posting this I don't mean to upset or annoy anyone.
