Twice disabled. Unable to get medical help (they can't even diagnose my mental issues). Because of that, unable to work anywhere but from home (hurts to walk a lot or even sit for long periods of time), and can't handle any job i could do from home (except one, but it's impossible to get hired in that industry). Seem to be unable to form connections with other people, despite trying hard, and also have no common interests and views with other people from my country. They just don't like what i like and don't want what i want. Unattractive on both physical and emotional levels. Stupid, and do not understand lots of things, and it's very hard for me to do even common, mundane things as well.

I have no reasons to exist. My only creative talent requires very specific conditions to work, and it's impossible for me to reach them. Almost two decades of job searching with no results. Not attractive enough for people to want me physically and not interesting enough for people to want to talk to me. Every day brings more pain, both physical and mental, and i know that i can't make any of it go away. But i can't end life either, since i have cats who depend on me. Now, with war making UAH drop in price all my 60$ pendion goes for food and medicine for my cats. Sometimes i am able to earn around 20$ extra per month to get some food. Somtimes mother helps me. With recent blackouts due to missile strikes i might not be able to earn even that if light will go off in my city.

I do not know how to handle this. Defective devices are being recycled. What to do if you are defective human being, with no place in society and no hope for the future, because you exaused all possible options already? What would you do if you were in my place?