I've never been a good son, or good brother or a good boyfriend and have ruined all these relationships because of my tendency to shut myself off from everyone. And now that I've been sober for a month I've actually cut myself off from everyone around me and want to be just left alone... But today I had an explosive argument with my dad and it got real ugly and he told to my face that I've been a disappointment for him since I was born....
Now I just feel like killing myself everything he said has been ringing inside my head from that moment and all I can think about is killing myself... I tried my best to keep him happy since I was a child but I don't know weather it was bad luck or what things never went the way I wanted them to and he being a perfectionist never saw my efforts....
Now everything since my childhood has been flashing before my eyes and now I see that I can never make him happy
I was never the son he wanted or the son he deserved he's too good to be the father of a failure and a disappointment
Now I think it's time I relieve him of this feeling of being the father of someone who's been a disappointment for him all his life....