It’s like... I want all my abusers—the people who caused my BPD in the first place—to be absolutely shaken when someone mentions my name. I want my reputation to shatter anyone who even THINKS about fucking with me.

But I also want to be gloriously loved by the people I DO care about and fight to protect. I want my reputation to display that not only am I *not* some evil, cr*zy bitch, but I deserve every good thing that’s come my way, and I want my kindness to affect millions who feel beaten down by their abusers. 

I want both so badly, but they’re both as great positions of power that I just don’t have right now.

Does anyone else know what I’m talking about?