So I’ve been with my boyfriend since my junior year of high school, he was pretty much my first everything. And while the love we have for eachother is so freaking strong I’ve come to the realization that there is like a 0% we could ever end up together. Our relationship has never been easy or stable but we still wouldn’t want to be w anyone else. In the beginning he treated me badly and I’ve realized I can’t forgive it and it makes me treat him badly now and honestly he’s never been a great boyfriend. Anyways we’ve been going through these cycles of me saying he needs to change and he doesn’t then I “breakup” with him and don’t talk for a few days then we decide to “ talk” about it and just end up saying how much we missed eachother and he treats me really well for a couple weeks and it starts over. My toxic tendencies only seem to come out when I’m not treated how I believe I should be, and trust me I don’t have high expectations. It’s so frustrating when one moment I just want to hug him and kiss him then the next I think he’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. And he’s not helpful because he doesn’t want to breakup at all. So how do you successfully breakup with some that you love when you don’t want to? Maybe bc he’s my first or maybe bc of bpd but it literally feels like death when we don’t talk. Or one second I’ll feel that way and the next I feel on top of the world and have so many more opportunities. I know in my mind that this is what needs to be done but it feels impossible and no one seems to understand or they think they do but they don’t.