hi friends. i hope you’re all doing well today.

so. i’m currently working on my bpd and really trying to understand myself and the way my brain works and helping myself develop coping mechanisms slowly. however, i really am having a hard time with a lot of shame, guilt and embarrassment over my bpd. i really struggle with the idea that i didn’t do anything to deserve to feel this way. i usually try to blame everything on myself in some way and say that i’m just crazy or stupid and annoying and that i don’t have any real reasons to act like this.

i don’t know why i am so dead set on blaming myself. i get so upset when i have to admit that someone else’s actions caused me to be traumatized. i hate knowing that i didn’t have any control over what happened to me and now i’m fucked up in ways i can’t stop thinking about.

i feel so embarrassed about my bpd and the way it makes me feel. everything hurts me so easily and i want to be better but i’m so used to just doing bad things to cope and it makes me uncomfortable and upset when i don’t do them because my bpd controls me so often. i don’t know. i just really struggle a lot with acceptance of the things that happened to me and not taking blame for it.

does anyone else struggle with this? do you have any advice on how to practice more radical acceptance? or just some encouragement for me to keep working on myself. i don’t really like talking about my bpd in detail with the people in my life because i am so ashamed so i tend to come here for support lol. 

thank you to anyone who reads this and i hope you are doing well and giving yourself grace and love today &lt;3