I knew this wonderful woman, who I loved dearly I just recently got diagnosed with BPD due to a bakeract due to my very first suicide attempt(About two weeks ago), I understand rationally that this is the only fair outcome considering my thorough lack of trust and my suicide attempt, but I feel so empty as a result of this I was genuinely going to marry her but the moment that life started to get rough I tried ending myself, our relationship has been very, very strained as a result of my emotions and trust issues and a whole slew of issues, I know that I'm in the wrong and she's completely in the right for cutting things off with me, but what do I do now? I put so much effort into our relationship only for it to be thrown away due to one very intense moment, I feel even more abandoned then I was ever before, I have no future planned out because she and I planned everything around our relationship. I just don't know what to do anymore and I just wanted to rant, since this is all very new to me, I'm seeking guidance I don't want to hurt the people around me anymore, and I just want to apologize to all the people that I have hurt, from the very bottom of my heart I'm sorry that I'm the issue. I just need help, advice even a bit of guidance because I'm a puppet that's lost its strings.