I've been feeling a lot like a burden on my bf lately. We have been dating for almost a year, and we talk  over text maybe twice a week. I'm constantly flipping between feeling shitty because I wish he wanted to spend time with me, and feeling shitty because when he does spend time with me I decide that it's only because he feels obligated. Every time I bring either up he feels shitty because he thinks it's his fault that I feel bad. That makes me feel really guilty and he knows that but he doesn't blame me which just makes me feel more guilty. A lot of the time he apologises if he doesn't talk to me for a while (even though I'm shit at starting conversations with him) and that makes me feel worse too, even though I brought that up and I'm trying harder to text first.

The guilt makes me want to pretend I don't care about seeing him so he doesn't have to feel so bad, and there's a bit of me that makes me feel like I just don't deserve to have him in my life so I just want to avoid him. 

We were talking a couple days ago and the topic of valentines day came up. We also went on our first date on valentines day last year so  there's a little bit of me that just wants to spend some time together just because I want to and it'd be a good excuse. But the idea of asking him made me feel really clingy and annoying so I just kind of made a comment about not caring and so did he, and then the conversation moved on. I'm pretty sure he's going to have plans for that day now anyway because he has a thing on Sundays, so the idea of mentioning it makes me feel even more guilty. 

I feel shit that he doesn't want to see me but I know it was me that said we shouldn't do anything in the first place. He's so sweet when were together and I don't have any doubts then but in the time between I just start to think what's the point in even dating me if he doesn't want to see me? and that makes me start to doubt all the nice things he's ever said or done and start to believe that he doesn't actually like me and he's just faking all of it because he just likes having a girlfriend, or that I'm just manipulating him in to feeling bad and that's why he's still here.

I don't know what I can do to make me feel better. Do I need a break so I can learn to not care so much about the relationship? Do I need to talk to him? If so, then what do I even say or ask? How would I do it without just continuing the cycle of guilt?

He makes me happy, I just make myself feel shitty about him and I don't want to feel guilty anymore. Any Advice?