Sorry for posting so much here, it's just the only place I can vent my problems out to. Might go back into therapy soon considering nothing much is changing. But the strive and confidence I have is just so inconsistent and/or non-existent at times. The entire day I'm tired, and I waste it all watching mindless videos online; I'm getting ready for bed and oh now I wanna do something with my life? Why though? And also, now that I've been getting better still nothing interests me; even stuff I was passionate about and wanted to pursue before. Am I just stupid? Is my brain broken? I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried so many things and nothing seems to help. I don't understand what's going on with me anymore. I'm just extremely confused and annoyed, because truthfully; I've been bettering myself a lot recently and have been in better moods than before. But still almost nothing has come back besides a tiny bit of happiness, and sometimes some amount of strive. Also on the topic of sleeping, I can't go to bed earlier; I'm almost never tired until way too late, I can't force myself since I forget 90% of the time, and every time I wake up to an alarm I just go back to bed. I just can't get a good sleep schedule, can I?

I guess my brain has just forgotten how to improve my own life? I guess it's just forgotten how to enjoy things? I guess it's forgotten how to make friends? I don't know. I don't understand myself anymore. I'm even more lost now than before. I guess my brain has just forgotten. It can only think, doing something physically "challenging" is just impossible. But why? What's wrong with me? Am I mentally retarded? Partially brain-dead? I still have no clue.