Ok, to start, i live a half hour walk from where my fp lives (we both live in student accommodation and are first years at uni). I’ve been walking over there like every day to hang out with him and another friend I’m close with. I’ve realized I’ve been walking over all the time out of neediness and I’m basically addicted to being around my fp. I have this immense fear that if I don’t see him everyday that he will forget about me, or idk. 

He rejected me a couple weeks ago. I misinterpreted the signals. A couple days before rejection he let me kiss him and he invited me to cuddle and fall asleep in his room, and I had interpreted those things as him liking me. At a point he told me “I don’t know if I like you or not but I never said I didn’t like you.” so for a little while it was confusing. 

A couple days ago he invited me to stay in his flat overnight after I told him it was late and should get a ride home. He asked if I was cold and I said a little and he gave me his giant stuffed shark, then ten minutes later he asked again if I was cold then cuddled me... it sucks because we are very compatible and get along well, but he just doesn’t see me that way. 

I think it’s a good thing that as of today I am being forced to self isolate for two weeks. I think it will help me detach. It’s weird because he’s not going anywhere, he’s a part of my friend group and I see him all the time. I even think we will live together with a couple other friends next year, since we’ve talked about it. 

He makes jokes about how I’m always going to the city and never staying at my flat, and I know it’s a joke but sometimes I feel like I’m being annoying and appearing really needy for going over there all the time, and I’m sure it makes me less attractive. I feel suicidal after hearing those jokes, like I’m bothering everyone and looking stupid.

I just don’t know why he doesn’t like me. People who know me, for example, my flatmates, told me they don’t understand why he rejected me. I don’t think he finds me unattractive, I mean he let me kiss him and asked to cuddle me, he’s cuddled me maybe 3 times by now, and we’ve only known each other for a month. At a point he  indirectly said something that meant that he wasn’t “romantically attracted” to me, so at least it’s reassuring that he doesn’t find me ugly?

But now I’m going two weeks without seeing him and I have an immense fear of missing out and I will be really anxious. How can I detach and stop thinking that he’s the perfect person for me?