I didn't have a reliable support system. Anywhere. My dad was violently angry and abusive. My mother was passive and never tried to stop anything that happened. My parents were avid apostolics, which meant we were weirdos at school. The super sheltered, religious types who dressed and spoke weird. Of course we were bullied... My sister was older and, going through the same shit as me at school, got her kicks being the stronger bully towards me. I was a support system for her, but she was judgmental and conceited towards me.

My sister got a therapist, but I didn't need one. My sister went on antidepressants, but the school counselor who recommended help for me was a quack. My sister got married and moved out at 18. I'm 22 now and I'm still here.

I still don't have a support system. One friend ghosted me a month ago, the other "friend" assaulted me a year ago and still tries to FUCKING touch me even now. I've tried dating, but I don't have the energy to match so many different versions of the same conversation. I'm lonely. I'm dying. I'm going downhill so quickly and I have no way to turn around. I don't see a way out of this. I always told myself I was stronger than any of this, and for a while I'd believed I'd gotten weak, but I think the truth is that it's just too much to hold up anymore.