My girlfriend and I are really close. I had to move to a different state a few months back due to mental health reasons and at first it was really hard for the both of us.

Fast forward to now. It’s almost April. It’s almost spring break. It’s almost time to graduate. Recently I’ve fallen deep into a depressive episode that has been lasting for 2 weeks now. 

My girlfriend is a busy person, she’s much happier now (yay!). She’s conquering her depression really well and I’m extremely proud of her. Here’s the problem for me:

I am deathly afraid she will fall out of love with me because of what I’m experiencing at the current moment. I talked to her last night about it all and she reassured me she won’t leave me behind just because of my current state of mind. 
But the fear keeps reoccurring and I’m not sure what to do about it anymore.

We only have 3 more months of being apart until we both graduate from high school and getting to see each other again.

I have a hard time coping with being *alone*. She mentioned she MIGHT go into the army reserve and that threw me into complete panic because I cannot bare to be apart from her. She is my fp and the love of my life. Sometimes I get confused on my feelings from DEPRESSION. Nothing else. I have to sit down somewhere at reel myself back into a logical state of mind and remind myself not to act on my emotions. It’s so important, especially with bpd, not to act upon our emotions I feel like. 

I really need help here guys. I’m an athlete. I fence 3 days a week, I lift weights, I eat healthy, I do decent in school. The only issue is that I keep constantly getting sick. I really need some advice here to help manage my emotions when my girlfriend doesn’t respond immediately.



*a side note: I know she shouldn’t be attached to her phone 24/7, she has a life outside of her phone and that’s perfectly okay. In fact I encourage her to keep herself busy. I have severe trauma from past experience.*