Long time borderline, long time lurker, welcome to my first post. Me: female.  in my late 20s, diagnosed in early 20s. 3 hospitalizations, many attempts, and 3 dbt intensive outpatient programs.

I’ve done the therapy. I’ve done dbt, I’ve put every effort into getting better but it life still hasn’t stopped sucking. At this point I’ve done enough dbt that some important skills have fully integrated in my life and that’s great, but it’s not enough.

BUT MEDICATION. They say there is no medication to treat bpd, and I’m afraid they’re right. But it can manage symptoms if you’re on the right stuff. This has been my journey: I start Zoloft, I feel great for a few months. Then I don’t. We increase the dose. I feel better, until I don’t. Increase again, until I’m at the max. We switch meds. I  start pristiq. I become suicidal. I start giving away my possessions, I have a plan, I try to kill myself. Hospitalized. I start Prozac. I feel great for a few months. Then I don’t. we increase the dose. I feel better, until I don’t. You get where this is going. It’s a pattern I’ve experienced on almost every drug I’ve tried. It’s fucking frustrating.

I found a place in my city that has a different approach. I got my cheek swabbed for genetic testing. Then I got a list of drugs my body does and does not metabolize correctly. Like there are some medications I shouldn’t take because my body will continue to need more and more of the drug as my body becomes accustomed to said drug. Hence my problems with Prozac and Zoloft. Pristiq is on my no no list. But with this information my psychiatrist knows what they should or should not prescribe, so we don’t waste both of our times and I don’t crumble into hysterics and psychosis during the process of finding what works for me.

They also mapped my brain. The results were abnormal. I have “spikes” and “beta spindles”. Whatever the fuck that means, I don’t fully understand it, but now that we have that information, they were able to prescribe a mood stabilizer that actually calms that unnecessary activity. They also know what drugs aggravate that activity, so we know to avoid them. My psychiatrist says it’s like trying to put together a puzzle.

Anyways, I’m not saying that medication is the end all be all. It’s not. I’m still in therapy, I still self harm when shit hits the fan, but hooooly shit, things have improved now that I’m taking what actually works with my body. I am currently taking one antidepressant, one mood stabilizer (also meant for epilepsy, as it calms down the brain) and one antipsychotic. 

Basically all I’m trying to say is that bpd is not just a mental illness, it’s physical too. Our brains don’t work the same way a normal person does. If you are able, and if this type of help is available, take advantage of it. Genetic testing and brain mapping. It helps, I swear to fucking god it does. We are a unique group of people, that requires a unique approach. If you can avoid it, don’t just try whatever meds your psychiatrist throws at you, because it may do more harm than good.

Good luck, babes. Life sucks but it can suck less if you find the right help.