Okay, I joined reddit because my partner was sick of listening to my Westworld theories, and I needed an outlet.  
Long story shot,  I had begun to loose my grip on reality for a while [not because of Westworld... long before, lol], and recently the suicidal thoughts started to get louder. The boom was more deafening then it has ever been in my life.  I literally ignored it.  Like,  I just swallow that vomit back inside... but that bile taste never leaves, and now my teeth are starting to loosen.  I found the BPD sub somehow and read... because I'm a "sufferer" as they say,  but I haven't been able to afford therapy and frankly I never gave the diagnosis much merrit... cuz I wasn't a psycho, ya know ;) 
A decade later,  feels like 50 life times later, I'm reading the symptoms and looking over this sub with fresh eyes and I'm fucking bawling all over myself because I'm reading about other people WHO FUCKING GET IT.... finally.  The ultimate self harm,  keeping yourself from the truth, so you can never learn to heal.  Fuck, I'm good!!. 
So, anyway... I'm still in raging cunt mode at home right now, but I no longer hear that boom.  It's still there whispering to me when the slightest negative thing happens... but I'm able to recognize that it's cuz my brain is ill,  not because I'm actually worthless.  
Thank you BPD people of reddit