CW for mentions of self harm and suicide

I'm not diagnosed but I'm starting to strongly suspect I have BPD. My entire life has kind of just felt like a struggle for someone to care, mainly from my parents but most other people as well. I know it's bad, but sometimes I straight up lie or "fluff up" things that happened to me to make them seem worse than they actually were when I feel like people don't care about me or I don't get the attention I want. I'm making this post because it's gotten to the point where sometimes I don't even hesitate when I lie or actually realize in the moment that what I'm saying just isn't true.

It feels like every friendship I have is at stake right now because of that. Trying to balance the impulses I have to get attention, or to just momentarily feel better than someone else, between trying to be a good friend and a good human being feels like it's going to make my world fall apart. How can I manage when just feeling like my friends care about someone or something else more gives me the urge to hurt myself or commit suicide?