Honestly it's less I want to die, more I just kind of wish I didn't exist. Since most of my friends are a bit, how do I say this, unhinged? To the point where if I died, that would be a breaking point for them, but you see, its also vice versa (if i died they die/they die i die) I really just don't want to deal with my life but at the same time I don't want my friends to lose their lives just because I felt the need to make my toast in the bathroom.

Completely different subject

I'm not even sure I have depression. My friends say that I should go on medication or seek therapy

BUT

You can make the counter point of them being teenagers and essentially giving me the wrong information.

And yes I have consulted my parents and they say

"Oh it's just puberty and your hormones acting up, it's fine."

BUT (again)

If that's true do your hormones constantly make you want to go into a closet and shoot yourself? maybe? who knows.

My friends are on medication so they can tell when you are depressed but then again, none of use are psychologists so who can you trust with this? 

(idek care about grammar at this point)

if anybody does have information or expertise on this, please comment, symptoms below

General sadness

Lack of motivation

Urge to die (comes and goes most likely over-exaggeration)

Ghosting and avoiding friends

Low Self-Esteem (apart from a time when a girl asked for my number, i dont have one but that felt great)

(i also had this weird thing i did when i was like 7-9 where i would cut myself every time i got grounded but i stopped doing that so i dont know if this counts)

Lack of commitment

Constant outbreaks and unreasonable behavior

Randomly offended and way too sensitive sometimes even though the person in question has the right to their opinion

Constant feeling of alienation

Dark outlook on the future (this one is on me because of the career path i want)

Even if you can't help, thank you for reading, means alot.