I feel like my entire life is a joke. I've failed at literally everything and I have just been in endless emotional agony for as long as I remember.

Why am I even here? What is the point of my life but to suffer? I have people that I love that I don't want to hurt which is the only reason why I don't just end it all. Sit in my car in my garage and finally get the rest that I'm craving and need so desperately. 

I've tried everything. Therapy. Antidepressants. Weed. Yoga. Exercise and changing my diet. Absolutely nothing works. I'm supposed to see an endocrinologist to see if this is all hormonal (I have PMDD) and I'm sure that will just be another dead end because I will never get answers.

I'm never accepted anywhere because of my "emotional outbursts" that I can't get a hold of no matter how hard I pinch my palms, grab ice cubes, roll my eyes to the back of my head. It's just one more thing to add to the list of failures.

I don't even believe in God but I pray every single day that I get taken somehow. That I go to sleep and don't wake up. This world does not care about the mentally ill and I am clearly not meant for any sort of happiness. I'm so tired of suffering.