Hi everyone.

I(26M) was recently diagnosed with BPD, as well as Bipolar II, and it has affected my life greatly previously. I had a girlfriend (28F) of five years, on whom I have cheated (a single one night stand) during one of my disassociative episodes, for basically no reason, as I had no desire in another partner, or sex, and our relationship was going well.

I broke up with her 4 months ago, because I thought that I don't love her (since how could I love her if I keep lying to her and even cheat, which I kept hidden for 1.5 years). Later I understood that I indeed do love her and truly care about her, I just couldn't handle the guilt and keeping her in the dark, subjected to my shit.

At first she didn't get why I broke up with her, but after a while when I told her everything, she was incredibly devastated and even tried to commit suicide by overdosing, ending up in a hospital bed for a week. However, she still wants to keep in touch, and even get back together once I get help and therapy and all the treatment, now that I am diagnosed. All her friends and family tell her to avoid me like fire, a sentiment that I share, but she doesn't listen, still believing that I am the love of her life, even though I hurt her so much. She seems to believe that things will be better with therapy and that we will handle it now.

I really do love her and I can't stand the idea of hurting her so much again. Ceasing contact would hurt her greatly, but getting back together, especially after everything that happened, and all her close ones hating me, will undoubtedly be horrible for her too. Also of course I wish I could be with her and fix all of this, but I just cannot trust myself, nor forgive myself. I cannot be completely certain that I won't lose control and do something awful to her again, even with therapy and treatment.

Cutting her off is not an option as it will undoubtedly cause her to spiral down into an even worse state. How can I help her see that I am a lost cause and that she should instead try to leave me in the past and find someone better, someone who won't be dangerous and hurtful?