TW:SH/Sewerslide

I 18(f) was diagnosed with BPD a year ago. As time goes on I’m finding it much more difficult to deal with my symptoms. I feel like I can’t function properly in my relationship, at work, or even at home alone. I have a hard time finding hobbies and just in general existing. My days consist of being with my boyfriend or managing my doll collection. My doll collection does help a bit but it’s draining my pockets and I’m struggling financially because of it . Every time I am going through one of my episodes I borderline empty my bank account on dolls to make me feel happy . I’ve been breaking down a lot at work. I snap at my boyfriend so much over small things. And sometimes I feel like the only way out is k*lling myself. I convince myself out of it for the most part . Does anyone else struggle with saving money because of their BPD? Is there any advice on how I can find better , healthier ways to deal with everything ?