Monday at work I was taking my lunch nap in my car (don’t judge, I have 3 kids 5 and under…I get sleep where I can) and was woken up to the worst panic attack I have ever had. It started my PVCs to act up and while that has slowed down, this really shook me. 

Been dealing/living/coping with anxiety and panic attacks for about 13 years now. Once I got ahold of them and was able to recognize the early onset I could start my breathing exercise and mental prep to get through the attack. I had no chance on this one and like I said, was the worst I have ever experienced.

Ever since I have not been able to shake the feeling that I am about to leave this world. This makes it worse because I know my wife would be alone to raise 3 very young kids not to mention the pain my kids would go through.

As far as the panic attack, most likely stress induced. My father just got out of the hospital a couple weeks ago from Covid, we didn’t think he was going to make it. My wife works from 3 to 7AM which puts me on kids duty in the evenings. Her pay helps but not much and I am still the primary provider. 2 of the 3 kids still wake up screaming for milk so my sleep is broken at best…maybe 45 minute stretches but it is getting better.

Please don’t confuse this with griping, I love them and would not change a thing…just not easy by any means.

I’m faking it well and understand that this is going to pass, it always does. This go around is tougher than usual and I just want to cry right now. Im the only one in my family that has this so they don’t understand. Wife knows about the anxiety and is there for me but has never experienced it so her understanding is very limited.

Any I quit caffeine on Monday. Just tired right now, very tired. Time to put back on the strong face.
 