I've read as much as I could regarding the symptoms of bpd and the main differences between BP2 and bpd, and I'm pretty sure that it sounds more like bpd.
I honestly feel like my brain is short circuiting they way I cycle through moods and emotions.
-I feel sudden urges to cry (especially in the shower for some reason, or in the car on my way to work)
-then almost always after the short burst of crying, I laugh uncontrollably
-my general mood seems to hang on every minute of the day. Almost like my brain does a regular poll of my life every 60 seconds "hmm you still suck and have no woman in your life.. Continue being miserable." 60 sec later "oh look she smiled at you... Everything is going to be alright :)" 60 sec later "hmm she didn't respond back to your txt... You'll never find anyone." So basically my worldview is only as good as the last 60 seconds of my life. I feel like a goldfish that has the added curse of remembering years and years of mistakes and pain.
-and the binge eating. Goddamnit. I go to the gym 6 days a week and desperately am trying to look and feel my best. But I am also killing myself with the way I eat. I order enough food for a small family. And even force myself to eat when I'm full. I used to throw up afterwards but I weened myself off that because I felt it enabled my binging too much. It's the norm to order in $60-$80 worth of delivery food (pizza, calzones, wings, etc.)
-rejection. I can't even tell the difference between being legitimately rejected or just feeling rejected for no reason
-I don't self harm (unless you count the binging) and I never have plans to kill myself, but I think about several times a day, every day. I guess that's called ideation.
I have a ridiculous anger issue too. The littlest thing sets me off and I just flip out.
and then filling the cracks between that is a depression, thick as shit.
So I'm interested to hear what you guys think. I still feel uncomfortable telling myself all these faults are due to a mental illness. But if this is what it is, I want to tell my doctor and get the right treatment. Also I'm 29 and a guy.