i told my mother LAST WEDNESDAY that i needed to go to the hospital so i could put into a pysch ward. 

last time i had a friend drive me but i now dont have friends and i cannot drive myself for numbers of reasons. 

everyday ive been having to stimulate my mind 24/7 to keep the thoughts away cause the second i wasnt doing anything to distract myself all i could fantasize was about my death and loneliness. 

im tired of running from myself and no one seems to take it seriously. no many times theyve stopped me from unaliving or self harming myself, or my cries of help, they arent taking this with urgency and its just very serious this time cause i dont have friends or anyone to talk to to help me through it

its just making me feel worse and i dont know how long i can continue to trust myself in this house. i needed to be in thr hospital already LAST WEEK fuck this feels terrible