I’ve been trying to walk forward despite everything. But I feel like I’m out of options and got no help. So I’m here trying to figure out if my situation is as bad as it seems to me…

I am a classical musician, not from the US, trained in a conservatory since I was a child and over the years got to play and perform wonderful music in different countries, and finished two master’s degrees in the US. I graduated the last one just as the pandemic started and eventually married my US citizen boyfriend. The application for a green card is gonna take a few months (at least six) so I have no access to health insurance or Medicaid or really anything that isn’t out of pocket and super expensive. I haven’t had a single job or real performance in two years and my playing has declined over this time, which makes it even harder to find a job in the future when I get the green card. Not that there are any opportunities around me anyway, nobody seems to care about classical music. 

Im feeling like i spent so many years and made so many sacrifices (my childhood and teenage years and friends, for example) just to be able to play music that nobody wants to hear. I know I could play arrangements of popular songs but that just makes me wanna cry, All the hard work feels so wasted on that and it brings me no joy to play music i don’t like. 

On top of this, I have no support network apart from my husband, who is super busy working for both of us and can’t be the only one in my support network. Which I understand. I have no car and live in an area with zero public transportation, so I have been all winter stuck in the basement we have been living in. It doesn’t even have windows, so no sunlight. I do try to spend time outside every time it’s not freezing but I’m increasingly lonely and spiraling down more every day about everything. I have terrible social skills (autism) so I don’t even know how to make friends. But I literally haven’t seen anyone my age in the neighborhood- or really anyone approachable at all… I need help but I don’t know how to find it…