I don’t exactly where the original thought come from, probably just from watching videos and observing people irl, but I had this feeling as I watched these people. I thought something was odd in the way they seemed so free and happy in the moment.  But this should be normal! The realization that the sight of genuinely happy people perplexed me made me realize how dead I really am. How much I don’t do, and how much of my life has passed by without me. I can’t fully put into worlds how much it disgusts me that the thought of simply living seems such an unreachable distant dream.