I’ve struggled over the years on whether I should get help or if I can keep chugging along and persevering as I have been....but for the past year or two I feel that I need someone to talk to that is qualified to objectively guide and discuss issues I still struggle with that affect my day to day life. Enough is enough, I need to take care of my mental health.

But....

I’ve tried therapy as a teen and it didn’t go so well, and it has haunted me from seeking help. When I first tried to get help, I had to admit things in front of my mother that I wasn’t ready to, and due to how my mothers controlling habits were, I didn’t necessarily get the focused help I needed. She refused to let me discuss therapy or medication options with my doctor and chose what she deemed best which was nothing at first because she didn’t believe her “precious child could be mentally ill”. Although my mother did concede to let me try therapy after numerous breakdowns (Note: she has improved after years of low contact/distance and education/discussions on mental illnesses)

The first therapist I saw was not a good match. It was questionable due to her cutting sessions short (e.g. I only received 15 minutes out of my 60 minute sessions. Every. Single. Time.), critical on my appearance, was not interested in discussing why I was pursuing therapy, dismissed my discomfort, argued with me not wanting a food “reward”, and berated me for being emotional during an emotional breakdown I had during a session even though I told her I was having a bad day and I was struggling to process and articulating my emotions. We only made it through a couple of sessions before I refused to go any more.

The second one I had trouble feeling comfortable discussing my self-harm and abuse  among children’s toys and finger paintings....She was a nice lady and if I wasn’t so young at the time, I really think I could have opened up and made progress with her, but I no longer live in that area.

I feel that my first therapist and how my start into trying to get help really has made it hard for me to trust therapy or find options. I’m hesitant that I’ll be unable to find a therapist who’s a good match for me or my issues will be dismissed and will cause them to fester past a point I can handle. 

Am I just overthinking/dramatizing my past experiences? Or are these experiences valid in fueling my fears of bad therapy?

TLDR: how do I feel comfortable approaching therapy again after bad experiences or has anyone else been successful finding a therapist that works with them after a bad experience?