I dont know how to start this post, as its my first time posting something like this. As i grow older, the more i loose any hopes towards life. It feels like a drag at this point. A little about my self, i have a happy loving family. I am the only child and my paretns loves me more than they love themself, speically my mom. She scarificed her life for me, imigrating from bangladesh to United states, giving up everything for me and my study and my happiness. I am also in a 4 year in happy relationship. But as i grow older i feel like i am loosing my self and my will to live. I usaully used to burry this deep down and ignroe it, but beginging of this year i just couldnt push it anymore. I am 22 year old  and at this point nothing gives me hope anymore. Everyday feel like a drag a pain and hoplessness. It feels like i am living for sake of others, and if it was up to me honestly i would end this. But i am such a coward that i cant go through sucide and mostly how much it will fuck up my mom when she comes home seeing my blown head, and how scared she will be. I dont wanna do that to her but at the same time i dont wanna keep on living. I dont know why i am so hopeless and nothing feels like right for me anymore or even staying alive. I am sorry for going on a big rant and a long post but i think i am loosing the fight between living and dying, and honestly at this point sleeping forever feels more peacefull than having no hope in life and feeling like this