I am just so stupid. Of course that once they got down they had all the support and now they're fine with their BFFs. Yes, I am jealous.

I've been alone for three years straight, I'm homebound with chronic pain, being up front about having trouble to communicate via text, but why bother, why put the effort, when you're already so established. Got your friends living nearby.

Yeah, I'm angry. I am angry. I'm not saying anything, not to you. You don't have any idea. Fuck quiet BPD, I wish I had the nerve, but I fawn and secretly loathe you. 

I am the bitter cripple who's too much work. You have time for all your friends, but I am not one. I wish I could live your lifestyle, you're having it good. Almost 30 and your friends aren't tied up in marriage and kids. 

I disgust myself, but I need to let this out. I hate you. I hate you. I hate that I believed you'll stay. It faded. Like every other relationship and I am completely alone. Like always.