Reading resources from people with bpd and people who have been in relationships with a pwBPD has helped me learn a lot about the things I do that are not normal. though I am not a server case of BPD (mixed traits of BPD and dpd) I still feel really horrible to the person whom I did that to. Especially since they are someone I love and care about. Despite me trying my hardest to be kind and caring I notice all the shitty things I do and I feel like such a horrible person. I suddenly get filled with regret and I an intense feeling of sorryness to that person.

However, then when I try to apologise for my actions I guess it comes off very burdensome. I just want to be a good person. I want the person I love to love me back(especially since I try my hardest to give them my all and make them feel special). But in the end, they just feel burdened by my love and stressed by the subtle passive-aggressive/other shit that I do without realising. I just wanna be a good person and a happy one. Not lonely too.