TW: abuse

I'm a 25 year old female, if that makes a difference. Most of the men in my past have been abusive, but in various ways. Also, they refuse to commit to me with a label ("boyfriend/girlfriend"). I tell myself that I just have really bad taste in men, but there's a persistent voice in my head that tells me that I'm the problem. 

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For example, my last ex, he was constantly using hard drugs. This would lead to physical abuse, which even escalated to threatening my life and his hands around my neck. There was also a bunch of emotional abuse. He refused to commit to me with a label and cheated on me (we had an agreement not to see other people). But, after we ended things, he began dating someone, and they've been together for about a year. Apparently, he's not on hard drugs anymore. And, I don't think he abuses her, mostly because I assume she wouldn't have stayed with him for so long if he did (she's pretty, has a lot of friends). 

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He's not the first ex to refuse to commit to me, and then get into a serious relationship. 

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It keeps happening to me and only me. So, I really wonder if I'm the problem. I have BPD, and haven't had much luck with any treatments. Relationships are the biggest trigger for me because of my past abuse/unfaithful exes. My BPD symptoms are really severe with romantic relationships, but very mild with all other relationships. I definitely exhibit fears of abandonment, trust issues, mood swings, things of that nature. But, is that causing men to abuse me? I want a real relationship. How can I find/date a man that will commit, not cheat, and won't abuse me? I feel like I'm not asking for a lot, but I just can't seem to find someone like that. Does anyone else have this problem?

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Sorry, I know this is a lot. I just have a lot of feelings built up over the years.