TW: su*c*de, r*pe, self harm 

Title is a poem and this post might be too. Just looking for some kind words. I reached out to a new counseling center to see if they have openings. Ideally they do and I can get help. 

My anxiety has been really bad lately. Every other day is a panic attack, me crying in bed, self doubt, self hate. Last night I tried to go to bed early and had a PTSD flashback and felt sick to my stomach. What if I see my rapist this weekend when I'm back home? Today I've done nothing working from home. My sister called and cried on the phone. Her medical school classmate committed suicide last night. I thought about killing myself or self harming last weekend for the first time in years. My empathy and mental health intertwined, which emotions are mine? I'm supposed to be smart, accomplished, kind, and funny. Lately I feel like a dumby. Dumb brain to smash in, dumb heart to tear out, dumb thoughts roaming about. With the headaches sometimes it feels like the only relief to be had is to break it open and let it free. Release relief return rebound renew me.