been fighting suicidal depression for like 16 years now. feels like there are only ever momentary seconds of bliss in an endless stream of the desire for death. and no longer can anyone convince me that those tiny moments are worth it. they're not, really. im so tired. im so exhausted. im never happy. im in a relationship with someone i dearly love and have plenty of friends, but i feel so fucking alone. im sick of everyone having to deal with me. every time they reassure me that i'm not as much of a nuisance as i think, i know they're just tryin' to be nice. everything is terrifying and existing as a conscious, living person is too much of a burden to bear. i wish i was brave enough to die. im scared of the pain. but i never stop thinking about it. i daydream a lot about drowning to death. the long number of seconds one suffers in excruciating pain, followed by complete peace. i wish i could face that. i wish i could have peace, eternally.