 It's like I'm truly lost. I don't know what to do with myself. I have so many dreams and ambitions but the more I think about them the further those dreams get away. Once those dreams fade away, new dreams come and the cycle repeats itself, but in the end I’ve made no progress. I’ve just been running still, chasing something that I didn’t want to put the effort in. When you learn the true secrets of this world you don’t even know if another day is what you want. I mean it all could be and probably is going to be meaningless in the end. Even if you impact the entire human race in the end that doesn’t even matter. While time flows you’re forgotten more and more by history until there are no humans left, by the time this galaxy becomes extinct and the whole universe crumbles. We know that this will happen far far far after we are already dead but why does it feel like it’s going to happen so soon? Why do I suffer like I’ve seen generations of loved ones get slaughtered right in front of me? Why is my first thought in the morning “fuck, I could’ve slept more” or “fuck, I want to sleep more”. Why is it that when I wake up that’s when the real nightmare begins? And why do I ask myself these questions every day? Why do I even worry about these things if I know it’s still going to be meaningless in the end. When I go out the only thing on my mind is “how do these other people think of me”. That is probably the same thing they are thinking to themselves at that very moment and that’s probably why when someone does something unordinary everyone is quick to judge because for a split second they don’t need to think about themselves but can judge someone else on how they are. We are so blinded about our self image and the importance of fitting in that we don’t even realize the small good things in life anymore. We only realize the bad things and I honestly can’t blame anyone for that. I mean society has made everything a living hell basically. For example, don’t you just get sad when you see a group of six to ten year old's standing around in a circle with all their necks in a 90 degree angle just looking at their own phones. How are those children even going to adapt and live in this hellhole that we’ve created for them? When you think about it technically it would be so easy to resolve this world by everyone working together, but because of pride and hunger for wealth we can’t just cooperate with each other. I once heard this incredible quote that went like this: “People were made to be loved and tools were made to be used, but the reason the world is crumbling is because we love the tools and use the people”. This is a quote that I think describes today’s society perfectly. I just hate this world.