I genuinely don’t know how much longer I can live with this horrible disorder. I’m only 18. And I already want to end it all, and have wanted to in the sidelines since 14. 

I can’t keep a friend. I can’t keep anything stable. I always fuck it up! 

It’s never enough. No matter how well I do in school or how much I do for my family it will never be good enough for them. I’m a failure washup in their eyes.
Nothing. 

I really believe they’ll celebrate if I go through with it, a burden off of their shoulders.

So why haven’t I completed it yet? 
I’m scared because I don’t know what happens in the afterlife, or the small small chance something good happens and I’ll miss out...
But there’s not a lot keeping me here. 
No, I don’t want to live like this!

I’m a waste of life. I don’t want to live. And every little thing just makes my intention more serious.