I (24f) and my ex (24m) broke up weeks ago. I still love him, but i ended up saying some things so that were all untrue just to push him away. I never meant any of it. He was the sweetest guys out of all of my exes. 

For some reason i always attract guys who would belittle me, physically hurt me, and emotionally control me to the point to where i wouldn’t say a word around them. My ex who just broke up with me was the exact opposite of what i was used to.

He would flower me with gifts, tell me how beautiful i am, and is the best cuddle-person anyone could ever have. He had this amazing smile and we would get frisky that smile changed into something he’d only show me. And that left my stomach in complete butterflies 🥰🥰🥰

In the beginning it was great. Flowers bloomed when he walked, his presence felt like the sun whenever he was around. Warm, bright, and oso pleasant. But after i had my accident and went to the hospital, i noticed that i became scared. 

His compliments were so hard to believe, the way he spoke started sounding as if he was belittling me, and so much more. I know he never meant this or probably knew about this…i just have a hard time expressing it. 

He started to drink and would go outside to smoke cigs and get some “alone time”. Sometimes I’d sit out there but i knew this was his time to get away from me. It was hard trying to figure out if i should have stayed outside with him or told him the drinking is becoming a problem. 

We became distant, i became worried, and thought i was a burden. After this feeling i would take this way too personal and fight about every small thing. I knew i wasn’t good enough….but maybe i was to him?

It didnt feel right after this point. I miss him, i miss playing scrabble and games together on our phones. I miss cuddling….i miss having deep emotional conversations with him….