It’s hard because this wasn’t something that I dealt with until October of last year, so I don’t know how to cope with it. 

Basically, something happens that makes me so upset that I can no longer cope with the negative emotions. For me, this has been rejection and heartbreak. 

It’s so painful and distressing that I’m unable to do my job, but I need to pay my bills and support myself. Unfortunately, I can’t work when I am in agony.

So, my brain turns off every single emotion, and to ensure that I stay in a dissociative state, I start drinking almost constantly. I take a cocktail of sleeping pills immediately after I finish work, so I can’t think about anything at all. 

This week, I feel this cycle starting again, and I’m devastated. I worked so hard on my mental health over the summer, but it almost feels like I don’t have a choice right now. 

For a month, I tried to deal with these feelings in the healthy way, but it wasn’t working. My performance at work slowly worsened, and I couldn’t concentrate on anything at all. 

I don’t know when my feelings will return. 

I guess I’ll see y’all on the other side.