Starting to think deep, long-term shame is at the bottom of a lot of my issues so I'm excited to address it properly. I feel very alone at times in lockdown and miss my awful FP. I regret so much of what I said and did while we were talking. After months of codependent denying my own needs I snapped and said all this stuff. Some was true, some was grasping at straws or not "the full picture". He really hurt me and insulted me but I miss him and want to talk to him. I feel bored without a person in my life. I still feel bonded to him and upset about the things he said and did. The sex was so damaging and he said things to me that made me feel so inadequate