Most of the time when I drink, I am fine and won't get that drunk. But about once a month I get blackout drunk and I don't remember much of the night. My friends know this and don't give me a lot of shit for it, unless I am very annoying.

I don't want to be like this, but I don't want to quit drinking completely. I don't drink every day and I don't black out every time. I have been 'over' my depression for some time now, and I was fine during covid. But last Saturday I had an episode again and accidentally banged my head against the wall which resulted in a small concussion. This made me miss practice for the sports team I am on and made me feel 10 times shittier.

For some time now I've been having thoughts again that tell me to just quit and stop working so hard to achieve what I want. Because ultimately I will fuck it up anyways. I kinda want to give in to the depression again...