Hi folks! As most of you know it is  #BellLetsTalk day tomorrow January 27th so I'd like to open the door for conversation about mental illness. 

First off let me say I'm excited to announce that this year marks five years for me of being symptom free from bipolar I disorder!!! But in all honesty it is bittersweet for me.  Let me explain: I was leaving my psychiatrist's office from our recent checkup my doctor said "this is something you should celebrate". It got me thinking about other recoveries and pictured others shouting it from the rooftops and telling their friends "I am five years cancer free" or "it's been five years since I learned how to walk again from my car accident" but it's just not that simple with mental illness.  

I have only told a handful of people I have bipolar and even fewer people know how rough it was when I was manic - let's just say I'm pretty sure I lost a lot of friends, feel like I made a huge ass out of myself, and am still scared to go back to the place where everything happened out of fear someone might recognize me or I might remember things I have forgotten. 

The biggest reason I don't share it with many people is because I wouldn't want others to judge my behaviors and attribute how I act to being bipolar... aka I'm afraid of the stigma.  In case I do have a day where I'm not so happy or feel really excited I wouldn't want them thinking "she's so moody, it must be the bipolar disorder."  I would rather my husband, close friends, and family be the judge of whether or not my behavior is worrysome. I know we are coming a lot way with breaking down the stigma but I still can't help but think...what my former classmates might think, what former teammates might say, what would go through my coaches minds... 

So today, I encourage anyone reading this to think twice about silly comments that might make someone like me not want to share my story to the world. It might be something simple like exchanging the horribly overused word "crazy" to something that actually means what you are trying to say or showing empathy for someone who is clearly struggling.  

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope everyone struggling with mental illness can hit their "five year recovery" as well :) It really is a moment to be proud of and could not have been done without the people that love me for who I am.