I was raised in isolation, emotionally and physically abused.  I was completely alone for years.

I have never had a girlfriend, I have tried to kill myself twice.  I have cut myself just to get my brain to shut up.

I smoke all day every day just to get the suicidal thoughts to stop.

I hate my family even though they are kind to me.  I hate them for that.

I can't have sex.  My entire view of myself centers around this.  I have attempted suicide twice because of this.  I am no joke a 9/10 and can't have sex.  I am useless and should commit suicide.

I feel compelled to do the stupidest, self destructive shit.

I haven't been laid in five months.

Girls who ask me out I say something overtly sexual and stupid, that deep down I know is stupid, then they get weirded out and cancel.

I hate people who love me, for loving me.

I reject my friends and stop talking to them.  I have no friends left.  I found something wrong with them and left them.

I feel like asking people to hang out is sinful?

I masturbate excessively to fetish porn.

I hate myself more than any human being can,  my hatred for myself I am unable to effectively communicate.

I can't make eye contact.

I cut myself, I scream at myself, I spit at myself.

I broke my mirror with a hammer.

I broke all my legos and sold them.

I would fuck a guy, even if I have no sexual attraction to someone, if it meant I could feel a person right now.  And yet I sabotage EVERY conversation.

JESUS CHRIST I JUST WANT TO CUDDLE WITH SOMEONE I WJUST WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE I JUST WANT TO KNOW IM NOT ALONE IN THIS FUCKING WORLD.