 Hi Guys and Gals,

Going through some things and want to reach out for help and advice, which I've never done before.

I've been battling with mental health issues, OCD symptoms, anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, for as long as I can remember, I am 29 M from UK

I have self medicated with cannabis since a young age approx 16, I've experminted with other drugs but nothing except cannabis in the past 1 year+

I can stop smoking cannabis for a week at a time but inevitably return to it when I can't relax or slow my thinking.

I have become more sober in the past 3 years, reducing smoking a lot and cutting out other drugs, in this time I've noticed habits and behaviours that I didn't give enough thought to before, a lot of my behaviours resemble ADHD like symptoms.

I've labeled myself a pothead and drug addict due to my history and for the longest time assumed that my neuroses were all down to my drug use, now I'm starting to doubt that is the only cause.

But how can I be sure untill I stop smoking cannabis for a lot longer? I feel like I can quit cold turkey when the negative side effects of smoking cannabis build up, but after a week or so sober, another set of symptoms rear their head, this is what I associate with the ADHD diagnosis.

I'm on Citalopram (celexa) which helps a bit but doesnt seem to be affecting a majority of my symptoms, list below, these are things that I'm sure I've felt since childhood, but again I have difficulty knowing for sure as I've smoked for so long and haven't had a sober period of more than a few weeks in years.

* Insomnia
* Night sweats
* fast thinking
* fast metabolism (sweat excessively, digest fast, everything fast)
* Depression
* Anxiety
* invasive thoughts
* emotional dysregulation
* inability to hold conversations for long (disinterested)
* Multitasking excessively to tasks detriment
* Issues keeping track of names/characters in books and films
* Issues keeping track of colours (cats bowls, mouthwash I buy)
* Feeling emotionally overwhelmed when listening to music
* Ability to handle crisis situations better than normal life
* Difficulty planning, keeping a routine
* Bad reaction to loud noises
* excessive fidgeting/dermatillomania

I am physically healthy as far as I know, recent blood test showed no issues and I think my pituitary/hormones are ok.

Recent attempts to get psychtherapy on the UK national health service have met with refusal due to my cannabis use, I feel like I'm in a catch 22, they say I need to be sober to receive treatment, I say I need treatment to help make my sobriety more permanent.

I have a mental health assessment booked at another service provider who have different policies regarding drug use, I haven't discussed the ADHD concerns with anyone except family, I'm concerned that health care provider might just see it as drug seeking behaviour, I'm tempted to obtain the ADHD medication myself to see if it makes a difference as I am at my wits end.