I have struggled with severe mental illness since I was a child. In 2007 I was placed on disability because of my bipolar disorder. In 2018 disability decided I was cured and took my benefits. Within a year I lost everything. I ended up homeless without my kids once again addicted to drugs, after almost ten years of being clean. I was told they took my benefits because I was no longer seeing a psychiatrist. My primary care doctor took over prescribing. My meds weren't changing so why would I see a psychiatrist. In 2019 after less than a year out there I came home and entered treatment again. I started the long process of getting my disability back only to be denied. Then when I sent in my appeal, they claimed they never received it. Even though I sent a change of address along with my appeal which they received. I have reached out to so many people politicians, mental health advocates, so far nobody has been able to help. At this very moment I sleep on a couch in the home of my children's father. I have absolutely no income at all. I can't even get services through the county because they count our income jointly. My life was destroyed because someone thought I was not worthy of benefits, they wanted to save some money. But what they did was take everything from me. All the stability I gained is gone. I long so badly to just die. I have had a really hard life. I don't see any improvement and I feel like nobody cares. How to you keep going when you never look forward to tomorrow? Why was this allowed to happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? What they are telling those of us who are mentally ill, is that we will be punished if we reach anything that resembles stability. I come from a long line of mentally ill substance abusers. I lost my mom, dad, brother and uncle to overdoses. As well as a grandmother and brother to suicide. I'm tired, I can't keep fighting, I want so badly to just lay down and never wake up. But I have kids that I love very much. Right now I am living for them. I hate myself and everything about me
 I gave up on myself some time ago. But I can't give up on them, I live for them and for them alone. Because if it wouldn't hurt them so badly I would just give up. I feel like nobody cares about how things have all went down. That I lost everything, my home which was only a trailer but it was mine. I no longer have a vehicle, I lost my beloved pets. I lost every possession I ever own. But most of all I lost myself. The woman I once was. I just want my life back