I really really want to die. As always. I have never escaped this feeling. I’ve felt it since I was a little girl. Really little. 

My life has been spiraling hard for so long. I have nothing to live for. Like actually. I have no home. No parents because they don’t believe I could I was sexually abused. No friends, though I couldn’t care less after she kicked me out on the street and told me I am a piece of shit, among other things. 

I don’t want to do this by any means. I’m not hysterically crying at the moment, but every time I tossed and turned last night, I thought FUCK I JUST WANT TO DIE! FUCK I CANT EVEN SLEEP AND FEEL DEAD FOR A FEW HOURS. 

I feel so worthless. How can a person be meant to live when they’ve always wanted to die. When life is constantly miserable and you have nothing. Blame. People sure do blame me. If I’m such a fuck up why should I keep going? This is too much and I am not someone who can do this alone. I could hardly do it when I wasn’t alone. 

I have tried so many times, and it failed. Pills. That’s my method because I don’t wanna go in pain. I’ve lived in pain. Why would I want to die that way? 

It’s all too much. All I wanna do now is throw up and die. Sleep and never ever ever wake up. Ever. 

I don’t wanna be me. I hate myself. I always have. People hate me too. They think I’m terrible too. 

What’s the point? What is the fucking point?