And you’re drowning yourself in it along with depression and it has been going for a certain amount of time (months) that you can’t really remember how to pull yourself out of it because the past when you were happy and positive becomes a blur. 
It almost feels uncomfortable when I catch myself laughing and I’ll be like “oh so that’s what feeling happy is like”, but then it goes back to laying in your bed feeling like you could get swallowed by your mattress and getting up seems like a huge amount of effort and makes you panic. 

Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense. I went through a traumatic relationship break up that brought out a lot of internal issues and I feel like I’m getting more and more lost in these thoughts.