I don't think I'm any worse than the next person. I know that in my mind, I'm not purposely hurtful or malicious..

I feel like I lose friends all the time and they just have this vitriolic hate for me. 

An example, a long term girlfriend broke up with me once and I had to move back in to my parents house and start all over again. The whole time I was living with her,  I felt like I had made all of these strong friends with good bonds and what not... After we broke up, literally NONE of them talked to me. I saw a picture of all of my friends and my ex just hanging out at the beach and having a fantastic time. I just lost it. I messaged one of my friends and explained how I felt. I thought it was just utter horse shit that I am the one sitting at my parents house, no one to talk to and everyone else is happy and frolicking and it just felt BAD.

They never forgave me for that.. 

I am just sitting here thinking about how.many times I have just utterly failed at anything I've attempted and it makes me want to seriously die...