okay this is a little rant, because the number one thing i see on this sub is ‘people with bpd are such empaths’ while simultaneously seeing the rest of society view people with bpd as a form of sociopathy. it’s interesting to me that such extreme statements can coexist, but i guess that’s the nature of bpd.

the truth is, we are simply the diagnostic criteria we meet (there’s 200+ different combos but not one actually specifies anything about empathy) and our own personal traits and comorbidities. we can be empathetic or unempathetic like every other human on earth. there can be trends in the way that manifests but i think it’s inaccurate and potentially dangerous to subscribe to either extreme including ‘bpd makes you empathetic’.

there are multiple different types of empathy, cognitive and emotional. there’s also emotional sensitivity and i feel like a lot of people with this diagnosis realise they feel particularly intense emotions in one of these areas and so call themselves an ‘empath’. but the reality is if anything studies show the trend may well be in the opposite direction, people with bpd are more likely to struggle with empathy. and that’s okay. you are not defined by your feelings but your actions and intentions and simply struggling with empathy does not mean you are ‘bad’, plus it can manifest in different ways in different people. some people with bpd can feel completely normal empathy. some people with bpd can have such decreased levels of empathy that they simultaneously meet the criteria for aspd or npd. some feel so overwhelmed by their intense internal experiences that there’s no room to feel for others. some people with bpd can be very much dissociated and numb to empathy, and feel nothing at all for some people or situations even though they know logically they should be and may or may not empathise cognitively. some people can feel like they feel all the emotions of the world but not have the coping skills to handle that (e.g. have breakdowns triggered by how badly they feel for the people in for example, a news report on tv). some can be very observant and empathetic emotionally but not know how to make sense of it cognitively (e.g. notice very quickly that someone’s mood has shifted but struggle to put themselves in that persons shoes to understand how and why, instead concluding that they must have done something wrong, or the person must be angry when in fact the person might just be tired/need the toilet/have a headache/etc). and some people, if not most, can be all or some of these things and more simultaneously or depending on their mood. and all of that is entirely natural, okay and doesn’t inherently make you ‘bad’.

but i think it’s important that we drop the labels of ‘empath’ or ‘hyperempathic’ because i fear they do more harm than good. i know i’ve said and done some hurtful things but not understood because i had labelled myself as an ‘empath’ due to feeling emotions so strongly, so how could i be the one whose being unempathetic? in reality, i was the asshole and online communities validating me as ‘empathic’ and somehow special was just creating an environment where i could continue being an asshole. and i don’t want other people to fall into that same trap.

at the end of the day, someone who is truly an ‘empath’ would not feel the need to label themselves as such, they would simply just be, because empathy is part of the normal human experience. it’s completely understandable that we gravitate towards labels like these, they appear to make sense of our struggles and can distance us from the bad in the world and counteract some of our insecurities. but we can easily fall prey to slight narcissistic tendencies/superiority complexes, and actually hinder us in understanding ourselves and ultimately healing.

it can be really hard to let go of ideas like that, especially if you’ve been clinging to them for a while, and honestly for me coming to terms with the ‘darker’ sides of bpd and that actually i have been the bully and the inconsiderate asshole, not just the bullied and the victim of the world’s inconsiderate assholes (bit of an understatement there lol), has been one of the most difficult things in my life.

with that said, however your bpd manifests is not your fault and you did not choose this. you are not a bad person for feeling how you do, but by recognising reality, we can heal and make change happen. i know this might not apply to everyone, but i just wanted to say, please take a look at and challenge the labels and concepts that you hold onto such as the perception of yourself as being an ‘empath’ and ask yourself if they are accurate and healthy to keep around, or if you’re maybe not as empathetic as you initially thought but clinging to that label for another reason? (e.g. to stay in denial about your past mistakes, to detract from your disorder, to find a sense of identity, etc).

remember there is no right or wrong answer to the above question and we all worthy of recovery and love no matter what. nothing is too bad to heal from. no one is too broken to be fixed. we are all on similar, yet different paths, but i am with every one of you, and i wish you all the best.

(sorry if this post was a little negative or triggering, this is just my opinion i felt needed to be said but i don’t mean any harm haha)