TW: SH

i relapsed today. i dont know how long its been since i last SHed because i was sorta out of it when i did it, but none of them werent even scabs anymore, just sorta raised lines— healing.

i only made 3 short ones. one looked a bit deep and it freaked me a bit, but honestly looking at it now, ill probably get away with slapping a bandaid over top and itll be fine.

im just frustrated with myself now.

i dont know what happened. i dont know why i did it. just a bunch of little shit pissing me off through the day i guess.

yesterday i was trying to help Mommie Dearest through something and she tried to turn every example i gave her into a lecture about how im just a moron, how im immature and am self-absorbed, and basically spent the whole time implying that her life wouldve been better if she never had kids.

worked on a group project this morning and nobody would listen to anything i was saying. it was supposed to be MLA cited format. they kept putting word for word quotes in without quotation marks or in-text, or would just randomly drop statistics without saying where it came from— so i kept asking them to cite sources and put references but they would just paste the sites URL in. i ended up having to do the whole works cited on my own ffs.

then during lunch. fuck. theres this guy i sit with and i got lunch today because i didnt eat dinner last night and i was hungry. every day he comments about how i dont eat lunch. i literally just started eating lunch this week and the first thing he said when he saw me with food was some sarcastic “wow look whos finally eating something” bullshit. then a bit later on i said something like “oh that might be why she does xyz” and he got all bitchy and goes “i never said i didnt know why she does that.”

fucking excuse me bitch ?

and then the bus driver ripped straight past my stop and i had to get off down the road and walk all the way back to my house.

and then my mom started making up some bullshit about how i told her that i “hate her water bottle because its a girl color” and it fucking— it makes no fucking sense— first of all, its a fucking *water bottle* i have no qualms with it. its a water bottle. it holds water. why would i hate it just because its a “girl” color ???? and second, its a *blue water bottle* so i dont even know what the hell shes talking about. i got sarcastic and said something like “yep, i refuse to use a perfectly good water bottle just because its blue, which is obviously too girly of a color”

i got pissed off and relapsed. so.
fucking—hooray for me.