It’s just another one of those nights where i spend an hour or so hating myself and then after awhile i’m back at the mirror thinking i’m the prettiest thing on the planet. This isn’t uncommon at all, especially when i’m scrolling through my boyfriend’s following list.. I noticed now, with a clear head, as i’m just doing some mindless scrolling on instagram i don’t really care how other girls look and i don’t really compare them to myself unless it’s something specific. I guess to get a better picture it’s easier to explain like this:

I have a couple celebs that i really admire, and i’m envious of their looks.  But if i see a random, gorgeous, social media girl that shares no features with the celeb i like, there’s not a trace of insecurity, and i move on.

However, if this random girl shares a specific attribute i’m envious of it’ll tear me to shreds emotionally.

Now it sounds like i’m just insecure about certain things on my face here, and maybe i’m nitpicking, but i have a hunch that this kind of “special insecurity” might be BPD related? the people i compare myself to are very specific and i don’t stray away from them for a long time (years i’ve noticed), and of course it’s because i feel like it’s something i’m lacking, but the obsessive part reminds me heavily of my “favorite person” (for lack of  a better term) and how i merge my personality with them. except here, it’s only looks. (can’t reaaally change that either,which makes it much more complicated to me)

So i guess with all this, can anyone relate? 

Also to clarify, i’m a straight woman, whose never  had  an “FP” of the same gender , so if this is a common observation of those who have , let me know!