
im starting zoloft tomorrow. 

this comes coincidentally days after the man who sexually assaulted tweeted about how im a crazy bitch and how he wished he could get a prescription for me and force me to take it. true story. he’s been harassing and talking about me nonstop on social media since i tried to pull away. 

a morbidly honest thing i must say: i considered being in a relationship with him briefly even though he would most likely abuse me. he tells me what i feel, how i think, what has happened, what hasnt happened. all of it. he controlled me so easily and so scarily. i had to walk away. but i wonder if i wouldve had stability if i pretended i could love him. i knew i couldnt love him. he destroyed me. 

i feel a level of emptiness and hollowness i cant ever recall feeling. its deep and its scary. i just feel so dull and sad. i wish things were easier. i wish he’d leave me alone but i also wish i didnt crave any and all attention. i wish this would all stop. i feel like horrible things keep happening and i wish they didnt. i wish everything would stop. im considering hospitalizing myself. 

im scared for my life because of how badly this man has been bothering me and all the stuff he has said about me. i wish he would leave me alone. i feel like i cant do anything without being nervous. i wish i didnt feel this way 

i dont even know what to say. i just have so much on my plate. and i feel like i have limited help. im definitely worn out by the trauma. i kept telling myself itd never happen again. and now im suffering the consequences of it all, even worse than i ever thought. my life feels soiled and i just need to be held.