There are little moments throughout the day when I am listening to good music or having a really good conversation with someone that I love life.

But mostly I live a life where I have so much anxiety, so depressed about life. I was addicted to self harm for a couple of years, went to treatment for it and then realized it is taking too much control over me. I haven't cut in years even if I was depressed a little. I would turn to pills too back then. I used to have people I would talk to but now I just shut down a lot and push people away.

My way of coping with things now is just getting on the highway and driving with music blasting or I go to the gym. But I am getting too depressed to the point I don't want to do anything and I just want to go. back to cutting. I've been thinking about cutting for the past week but am holding off bc once I cut, I will let razors control me again and it'll just be easier to cut again next time. Idk what to do. it's just hard