Hello. I've been dating my girlfriend for 3 and a half years now. About a year in a half into our relationship she got diagnosed with BPD. I've really been trying my best to be understanding and supportive of her. As far as I can tell her symptoms are on the "lighter side" of the BPD spectrum so my experience definitely has been easier than with some people involved with people with BPD.

However, the emotional dependence is very real. Her sense of independence seems to be dwindling more and more as the relationship goes on. It kinda seems like she's only able to give her life direction when I point out which way to go first. I really dont mind helping and giving support, but that's a lot of weight to have on my shoulders. I recognize this aspect may be beyond any of us and is something she needs to work out with a therapist (we're working on this. However getting mental health assistance in Ontario feels like a series of waiting lists).

Something that's more immediately "deal withable" I think (and something that's been bugging me a little more), is her response to being told no. For example, I've been trying to be a little smarter with our money lately, and looking for things to cut back on a little. One thing I've always thought we spent a lot of money on was snacks. The day after we run out of chips she'll be like "can we get more". If I say "I don't think this is the best move with our money right now" I'm either getting met with "pleeeeeeeeaaasssseeee" or a legitmately hurt look on her face. On the inside I'm like "I said no, why can't you just take my no for no". But I almost always just.... feel bad and do it anyways.

In the past, I've had issues with thinking I've been wronged in a relationship when in reality my partner was being very reasonable and I was just being selfish, and when instances like this come around I get paranoid that it might be the case. "Am I spending an absurd amount of money on me? Am I being a hypocrite? Am I being selfish and only cutting back on things that she wants?" and it leaves me hesitant to bring it up.