Hi all, just wanted to make a post about something that I know others with BPD struggle with. I know because I personally struggle with it myself, and have had another redditor reach out to me about the same struggle.

First thing's first, this is not a vent about "how oppressed pwBPD are" or an excuse to bitch or create drama about another sub. This is a reach out to anyone struggling with these issues. I'm here to let you know that I know what you're feeling and that this is a safe space to discuss coping techniques. I repeat, to **discuss coping techniques**. (Not complain about how stuck in the mud you are whilst refusing to make a move.)

So, some context of the issue so y'all know what I'm talking about... most redditors who fairly know their way around reddit would have come across a page that isn't very helpful for pwBPD. 

This may start of a little dark but bear with me, I'm taking you through the motions of the various stages of acceptance.

This is a pretty hard place to be and doesn't make you feel good. I'm continually shocked at the descriptions of pwBPD on that sub. It makes me want to not exist.  I have found I am now even more hyper analytical of my behaviour (even more than I was before discovering the sub) because I find myself imagining how I would be written about in that sub.  

Yes, i read those posts and some of the things that have been described are bad things. For example, pwBPD sending pictures of them sleeping with someone to their recent ex. This is very bad behaviour that has no reason apart from malicious intent. I side with the authors of the post, that behaviour is far from okay. Most people with or without BPD understand that.  

However, I think it is forgotten that just because someone is BPD, does not mean they are sentenced to this degree of bad behavior. I think it is forgotten that human beings are capable of growth. I think it is forgotten that pwBPD, after therapy and the desire to change, can actually re-sit the assessment of BPD and not qualify for the disorder. (I am not implying a cure, i am implying that pwBPD can rise to a level of high function and exert control of their behaviour, even after being toxic - and some may never have even been actively toxic in the first place.)  

**This disorder is not a sentence.**

We were never taught how to be healthy. We never learned how to walk the middle path. We are results of insufficient parenting and/or trauma. We are the result of learning how to survive in extreme or otherwise invalidating environments in the most fundamental stages of brain development. Of course it's a mish mash of odd, dangerous, and inappropriately applied survival skills. That's what happens when you throw a small child into the mountains, *they behave like the wolves to survive*.  No, this is not an excuse. It's not a cop out. I'm not saying wah wah its not my fault. Im saying it is a valid reason why some people act the way they do. But we can change. It's proven and documented. **Especially with use of DBT.**  

Excuse this wild oversimplification, but im just trying to put it in a way that makes sense what I am trying to say... If you were never taught maths, you can't be blamed for answering an algebraic question wrong. THOUGH, once you've seen it is wrong, it is up to you to decide if you will take responsibility to learn algebra... you do not tell the head of the school to change the maths question just so you dont feel bad! You also do not attack the person who brought your wrong answer to your attention.  

The one thing that fucks me off most though, and I really need to talk about, is reading a few posts a day that tell me/pwBPD that they are incapable of empathy. That is the one thing I have always prided myself on, is being that empathic friend and listener who understands what people have been through. My empathy is actually BECAUSE of my disorder. The things I have done and been through when I was toxic, to growing and being the highly functional state that I am in now has provided me with immeasurable experiences valuable for insight and lessons that have been learnt.  

I am so extra careful of how I behave because I know how toxic this disorder can be. Because of this i exhaust myself with regulation and making sure i act "normal". So it hurts to read that shit, and feel like because I am BPD, my efforts mean nothing (hence feeling like I'm sentenced.) Like I should avoid all human interaction and lock myself in a dungeon or just throw myself into the ocean somewhere - at least then I'd be useful as food for the fishes. I am aware this is not helpful thinking, but I'm just letting you in on how it makes me feel and I'm sure others relate.

But it's not the end of the world. There is more to life outside of the internet.

**A reminder: PwBPD ARE capable of change.** We ARE capable of "human emotion". Not all of us want to spread nudes or deepest secrets on the internet. Some of us even actively suppress our urges to do impulsive behavior because we know that it is a bad thing to do, and will hurt people if we do it (shock horror, right?).  

For some radical acceptance and to offer my understanding, I'd just like to say it's clear that there's a lot of very bad situations that the people who write those posts have been in, and most are in the early stages of break up and that's not a good time for anybody, particularly if you're dealing with an unhealthy pwBPD. I can understand why some posts are written the way they are. Though it's a bit of a shock to see some blanket statements, like what I mentioned above. It feels accusatory.  

That said, I cope by remembering those posts aren't written about me. They probably aren't written about you/every pwBPD either. They are written by people who are *very hurt and also suffering*. Just as I don't want people to take my actions or thoughts personally, I don't take theirs personally (well... sometimes I do but then I need to regulate and cool down, practice radical acceptance.)  

It sucks. But there's always going to be bad shit said about you no matter what you do. The best way to move forward is remember to take care of yourself and others and focus on being healthy. Go to therapy, and learn your skills. Even if you can, use those posts as a way to remind yourself of things not to do. Use it as fuel to motivate you to be healthy. Use it as a reminder of how far you've come, how good you're doing when you read some shocking story and think "wow, glad I haven't done that."

Please remember in replying to this, this is not a post asking for a bitch fest about how much you hate xyz. Or to create drama, or anything that encourages negativity. This is a post to reassure you that you're not alone, you're not being personally targeted, and offers a few coping techniques in a safe place to reach out to other pwBPD with the same issues.

Much love to BPD gang. Stay healthy xoxo