I hide my emotions because I’m fearfully avoidant and I don’t want to seem needy and become rejected. When I say ‘needy’ I mean just showing any genuine interest and wishing for some type of reciprocation that the person actually likes me back. I never allowed myself to be ‘needy’ in a real relationship because I’m so afraid of seeming like the weak one or the being one who actually likes them.

I will not even text a guy unless he texts me. Then when I finally muster up the courage to text them because I feel like I have nothing to worry about, they abandon me. The only time I can recall ever being ‘needy’ I basically pushed this guy away so many times, he ended up staying. Therefore, once I thought it was finally safe to reciprocate my feelings (not actually verbalizing feelings but something as simple as hugging them back; because he hugged me all the time) and actually act like or show I like him back; he pushed me away. I actually showed more interest in him afterwards just to make sure I wasn’t just overreacting and he rejected me again and again. Plus, I really liked him and if I was gonna test my theory, be rejected or abandoned, I decided it he might as well be the one to burn me because he was worth the fall.

I really am quite and independent person though too so I’m generally attracted to avoidants who are always turned off whenever I like them back. I don’t like clingy and I’m not clingy myself in any friendships or relationships. I actually hate texting for too long as well. It seems like whenever I like someone I can never show it because I always get left when I do show interest in the slightest.

Anyway, have any of you ever forced yourself to just stay in a relationship and not split on someone only to have your worst fears come true about the relationship in the end (they were cheating, lying or playing games the whole time, etc)? Or have you ever allowed them to abandon you before you abandon them just to face your fears and try to get better hoping this one relationship may work for at least a while (Implying you genuinely like this person and that there is no blatant or obvious deal breakers like cheating coming into play. Aka; your not just in the relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, this person holds up to your standards)?