I've gotten to a weird point in my life, where I recognize all the times and different ways that I was put down, and I recognize the connection between those times and my bpd. Because of this I've developed this inability to *not* "defend" myself. If I feel that I've been insulted, I instantly feel my blood pressure rise and my chest starts to hurt from the anxiety that I'm getting. The feeling makes me angry and, quite often, passive aggressively nasty. While I generally think that I'm not wrong about when I'm being insulted, the problem is that I can't differentiate between levels of severity. The smallest slight will set me off, and I have been accused of being mean on more than one occasion. I will happily burn bridges with people, but only when I can be sure that I'm correct 100%. I will write, read, re-write, re-read, and send to a friend to proof read before I say anything. I don't try to start fights, because I hate the physical sensation, but when someone comes at me sideways and I start to get the anxiety, I want to tell them to get fucked for creating the situation that makes me feel that way. And because I can't tell the difference between something worth making a stink over and something that might not be as important, I end up feeling that at least 2 or 3 times a week. This week is notable for having had the feeling everyday for the last 5 days. 
I don't know how to stop doing this shit without ending up complicit in my own silencing. I certainly have no idea how to stop taking everything so personally. 