I hate where I am. 

I want to leave.

But I'm stuck. 

If this is where I'm meant to be, I don't want to be here at all. 

This retched existence is disgusting.

I wake up everyday and I want to die.

I hate myself so much I want to be physically harmed.

I want to be slapped, I want to be punched in the eye, I want my hair pulled to the point of tearing because I deserve it.

I waste oxygen by breathing and exhaling.

I deserve to be run over by a bus.

I deserve to be pushed off a cliff.

Because I am hateful.

A kind person might think, "Oh. You don't deserve that. No human being ever deserves harm to befall them."

Yes. Yes I do. You don't see it because you're **kind**.

But people do deserve the worst that life has to offer and I am one of those people.

I deserve to be shot in the chest at point blank range

And all I'll be sorry for is the mess I leave behind. To be cleaned up, discarded and soon forgotten. I only hope the poor soul tasked to clean my useless and worthless body up is not traumatized by the task.

Maybe I should just bury myself alive. 

Dig a hole and sit there till it finally over.