I love being around him. I love talking with him. I love learning more about him. I love confiding in him. From time to time I kinda want to make love with him. I love him so much that being around him has become painful. 

I know I’ll never be for him what he is to me. I know it’s unhealthy for me to get jealous and breakdown because I’m afraid of him being away from him. I know it’s not healthy to be so obsessed that I want to change my phone password to his name so it’s always on my mind.

I’m scared of being around him now for how I will react. My fiancée knows about him and I’ve been calling him FP to her for that little extra distance. I don’t want things to be like this. I care about him too much and it’s not fair to him to deprive him of my friendship because I’m too insecure to be in his presence.

I’ve been down this road before and I’ve put people in this situation without them ever knowing. I don’t want this. I want him in my life. But with how strongly I feel about him, I don’t know what to do.