i’ve just woken up from my first ‘bpd nightmare’. in it, my psychosis was making me believe that my ex and i were still together, which in turn made me basically love bomb him and for some reason, scam him out of money. once he found out that this was a product of my psychosis, he’d blocked me *everywhere*, leading me to have a panic attack before *considering* an overdose — which is typical behaviour for me irl following perceived or real abandonment

it felt real, though. every single minute of it; the panic was manifesting in real life and i was quite literally hyperventilating — this may be because i’m currently suffering quite a bad asthma flare up but also, i’m certain the panic was real. i haven’t really been taking my antipsychotics irl which isn’t helping my case here, but i’m genuinely terrified. i’m terrified that if i didn’t snap out of my sleep i would’ve done the overdose in my dream and slept-walked so bad that it happened irl, too. i’m scared that the ex in question hates me irl. i’m scared of every single possibility relating to this and i’m scared of *myself*