I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months.


It's like this realization that he's going to find someone so much better—someone normal—took over my thoughts and emotions. And it isn't the first time I've pushed him away. I've pushed him away countless of times, but I hope that this will be the very last time.


I see myself as "toxic." I want him to be with someone that doesn't get these thoughts and urges and has a very difficult time rationalizing things. I just want him to be happier than I can ever make him. I feel really bad for making him fall in love with me.


I just want to go back to my old drinking habits.