I've been suffering from non-stop panic attacks for 6 months and severe depression. I am very self destructive and like to punch myself and walls until my knuckles bruise up and bleed. I got prescribed 20mg prozac which is helping but I always feel like suicide is the only way. Even when I am happy I just know life isn't for me. I have good friends and a very supportive family and there is hope but I dont want anything. I dont want to stress out my family anymore which is why I stopped speaking about my problems. All I want it for everyone around me to be happy but there's always going to be a thought that I'm doing something wrong. My mind is slowly but surely turning into someone I do no recognise. I have so much hate for everyone that looks at me wrong or disrespect me in the slightest and I hate it. I hate that I act aggressively in every situation. I have stronger and stronger thoughts of harming people I love and I get panic attacks because of these thoughts. I dont want to be the next crazy person you see on the news. I want to enjoy life but I know the medication is just fake happiness. Everyone has an alternative motive. Every person on this Earth is evil. I fucking hate the world we live in. I hate being so uncomfortable being alive that I frantically look for ways to end it. I dont feel lonely in my struggle which is why I think I am just another worthless human being who missed 2 weeks of school because I overdosed on sleeping pills. I would happily do it again and all I need is the money. That's the next step in my plan to meet every member of my family and spend time with them for the last time. Drink maybe smoke even or just talk about life. My suicide note will have to be detailed. Whatever is going on with my head is definitely more than depression. Much much deeper and sinister.