I've been feeling extremely lonely lately. I just can take this anymore, all day long just waiting for someone to send me a piece of shit text so I can say "hey, this person thinks about me, they remember me." I'm so done with social media and with literally just existing and having a body. I wanna be a floating light.
My mood swings are getting worse and worse. One minute I'm manic af and then im so depressed I want to stop existing. Everything hurts. I feel like I don't have a skin and even the softest breeze could cut me deeply.
In my most recent manic episode I just started texting strangers and ppl who sometimes give me attention.  I talked to this guy who was perfect for this particular moment, he couldn't fucking believe I was even texting him back.
We talked for a few days, he showed so much interest in me. Then we decided to meet, but we didn't  bc he was busy (and that not only broke my heart but also made me very angry) and that made me very depressed and in need for attention again.anyways I ended up telling him I'm a PwBPD for no reason at all and he fucking stop answering.
I feel so empty right now. I don't want to feel anything anymore. I want to be numb forever. I want to disappear and leave the few ppl who I still talk behind me.