A little over a year ago, I got a new job that I love. My manager and I get along amazingly, and she puts my mental health before all else. Before yelling at me for messing up or being not-the-greatest worker in the moment or getting emotional, she pulls me outside and asks what's going on, what's happening in my mind that's making me act the way I am. So I've felt pretty good. But we're a non-essential business, so I haven't had that support in a while.

I filed for unemployment weeks ago, have been keeping up with my weekly claims, and still haven't gotten a single penny. Plus my governor just extended the quarantine yesterday (we had a huge spike in cases last week, went from low double digits to triple), so I spent most of the day trying not to have a breakdown. That's basically been my whole quarantine, trying to keep myself together.

Well last night, my mom messages me asking if my unemployment came through finally. I ignored it because I didn't want to think about it, talk about it, anything. I still don't. But then this morning she messaged me yelling at me for ignoring her when she knows I'm not busy. So I told her what's been going on, how bad I feel right now. And the only thing she had in response was demanding I call DWD, when she knows I don't have cell service ($40+ a month for spam calls? fuck that, that sounds like cable but an even worse deal) and that my social anxiety goes back to 14yo no-treatment, no coping skills me and literally falls into tears every time I have to make a phone call, even to family.

I'm terrified of looking in a mirror, or taking a shower, or even of walking out onto my balcony right now... I have a long history of dissociating in the bathroom and coming to to myself bleeding or with a huge chunk of hair in my hands, and with the balcony... It's mostly just my agoraphobia coming back in full swing (something I've been working towards overcoming for years).

Tl:dr; I'm unemployed, broke, and emotional, and when I told my mom it felt like she didn't gaf.