So, last week my partner of 3 years left me, she hasn't texted me or messaged me since. I was emotionally and mentally abusive due to several mental illnesses l ( not excusing my behaviors, because I hurt her and would do anything to get her back) she couldn't take it and she left. 

 I'm proud of her for leaving but I kept insisting we try couples therapy, that I try anger management, more therapy and getting back on my medicine. 
 
I'm so lost without her, she is my soulmate and I've never ever in my life have connected with someone on a deeper level than her. We've gone through so many changes from her realizing she's trans to my multiple hospital trips and physical health issues, we've always been there for each other, so her leaving so quickly has left such a big hole, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't even be at my own home, I'm at my grandma's house. 

Any advice? I want to regain her trust and really treat her as the goddess she is, but how do I do that? 

Also, she took like 60% of her things but left her shoes, Legos, tax papers and etc. She also hasn't blocked me, or taken her name off the lease, so I'm really confused and shattered. We were supposed be getting married soon. 

Help please?