I need some help and advice on my relationship with my partner who has BPD. Our relationship has been shaky the last 2-3 weeks and I've been feeling very low about the whole situation. 

A bit of backstory, My partner is polyamorous, although she is not currently sure and it may just be serial monogamy due to BPD. I am monogamous though. We’ve been dating for one year and she has dated other people for roughly 9 of those months. This is her first main/longterm relationship where she has been able to do this (date other people outside of the main relationship). 

Last week, we agreed to “separate” for a bit of time, giving us more space and time for ourselves (physical separation. We are still together as partners though). It’s meant to give us room to grow since we did not grow a lot as individuals the last year we were together. And I agree with this but it has been very hard on me. At the same time, she has started seeing another guy when I was away for 3 weeks last month.

I really love her, but it feels like she is growing bored of me. Her past relationships have taken similar trajectories. But she has also told me that our relationship is different to her. That she feels more logical when she’s with me, and that she sees me as someone she wants to be with longterm instead of whirlwind romances that she often has had in the past. Her recent actions and demeanor don’t seem to reflect that as much right now…

I can’t help but feel a lot of jealousy. Maybe it would be better if my partner and I were still close and loving. But right now, since those loving elements are not there as much, it hurts a lot more. I know logically, they are two separate matters: the issue of our “separation” and self-improvement time, and the matter of the guy she is currently dating. But combined, I feel neglected and as if she is growing distant. 

And I do agree that we should spend time away from one another. She wants to work on not feeling so attached to me; something I agree on since it would help her BPD. And I need to work on improving myself. But it feels so different this time. In the past, when something similar has happened, I still felt close to her. Now, we aren’t communicating as much and things have grown slightly colder. 

I’m afraid she is slowly growing more bored and that her boredom will make it very difficult for us to be together. I’m afraid that she will not be able to handle being in a longer term relationship. I really love her and care for her and want her to be healthy and happy. If being temporarily separated will help both us be healthier then I agree, but it’s taking a toll on me. Maybe I’m in this too much myself and need to take a step back. It’s just harder when she seems distant and there’s someone else involved…

Sorry for the rant. Do any of you have similar experiences or may be able to give some insight or an alternative perspective? Thank you guys. 
