I've had this problem maybe forever so think of it as normal, but I just can't get out of bed. I can hang in my bed all day, all night. I don't look forward to my day, I completely dread it. It's starting to dawn on me that I'm likely depressed. This is def what depression looks like. A girl in bed, not showering for days, just sleeping or facing the wall or staring at her phone or watching the same shows over and over again. 

I'm trying to be a good caretaker to myself. Cooking myself nice meals. Keeping my apartment somewhat clean. On the days that I shower putting on some makeup or doing my hair so when I see myself in the mirror I think I look cute. Sometimes buying myself flowers. I almost feel like I'm my own partner... trying to cheer up their other half by doing nice things for them. So I guess I haven't lost hope yet.

I just feel like I'm missing the spark. No joy, just dread. Seeing my friends feels like a chore. I signed myself up for an acting class but I dread going. Lately I even dread getting up to fill up my water or make a coffee. I really just want to sleep forever.

Some of it may be corporate burnout. I'm also going through a breakup however I'm a bit relieved to have that relationship end, although the distraction of always having to take care of his emotional needs is probably exposing my own that I've suppressed for so many years. 

I miss being inspired and feeling that spark for life. Trying to find a new therapist that takes my insurance - my old therapist was just so expensive, but it's next to impossible to find someone in-network taking on new clients. 

Anyway just venting and maybe looking for advice if there is any..