Most of BPD is very unpleasant at the least.  The depression, anxiety, negative thoughts, etc.... However, I feel like at this point, the worst part is not seeing an end.  Things in my life have been so much better.  I left my toxic marriage, I have friends again, I am working a job I love for the first time in 3-4 years.  However, I still have days where I just don't want to exist.  This isn't meant to make other people feel there's no hope... it's just how my life is right now.  If I'm not making bad decisions or jumping into new relationships, I don't see the point in life.  I hate having this mindset.  I want to be okay.  I also hate the holidays, so that could be a big part of this.... 