I've been in this fight since I was 11. A little over half my life. I thought it'd get better in high school, then uni, then once I got off on my own and started a career...

But no. Six failed suicide attempts, dozens upon dozens of suicide notes, coping mechanisms, creative outlets, escapism, stepping out of my comfort zone, everything's been for naught. I just want it all to be over.

My career is failing before it's even really getting started. People higher up than me have made me a fall guy and irrelevant cannon fodder since I entered the workforce, I'm practically unhirable due to resume gaps and dead-end jobs where someone just used me as a stepping stone, and no matter what I do, I just want death. Nothing I do fixes anything, it just gets worse, and I slip further and further into this hole. I have nothing left to try, nothing left to give, and nothing left to work toward. Creative outlets don't work anymore, coping never really worked to begin with, and in the end, I just want it all to be over. I'm sick of trying shite that's just going to fail, sick of pretending that I believe hard work pays off, and sick of pretending that I believe there's anything else besides misery, pain, and hatred. I want out. I want this wretched thing in my chest to stop beating. I'm over it, done with it all, and I'm sick of keeping this mask up. This is the one thing I haven't tried yet; maybe someone has an idea that I missed somehow.