I feel guilty, i always feel guilty. I feel like I'm dragging everyone and everything down with me. My boyfriend (lucky me) always has to do something extra for me. His plans always have to go to the trash bin because it's unhealthy for me. He had to rush here yesterday because he feared that i was gonna cut myself. He always has to stop what he is doing to help me. We often have arguments. Yet he still doesn't want to break up with me because he wants to fix it all. He always keeps cleaning up after me, because i just don't wanna live anymore. 

My parents. I hate them. It their fault i am so broken. They hurt me so much, and abused me. Even now they don't accept me as i am. I really wanna tell my mom that I'm not a girl and that my feelings are real. But yeah apparently it's a trend, according to her. It still stings a lot. I live with my bf now. And I'm probably just being a nuisance there. I told my closest friends but they don't understand either. I have nobody to talk to. And at this point i feel like it's not gonna end. I feel like relapsing now and just ending it. I read enough true stories about afterlife being a peaceful place. I rather wanna be there. 

Rant over.