I’ve always had anxiety . Mainly social . I’m 23 and a female . My mom raised me and she was loving and I was extremely attached to her . I would cry and beg not to go to school because I didn’t want to leave her . She was also someone who drank heavily here and there and would just act bizarre and put me and my sister down . So fast forward to today, I currently have panic attacks, disassociation, impulsive thoughts if someone just cancels plans or disregards me, I have trouble driving now and always loved it but I just get so nervous an feel like I’m doing something wrong but in reality I’m just fine, I get anxious about people, I have lost all of my hobbies, I barely feel like myself, sometimes when meeting new people I mirror some of their personality traits but I don’t lie or anything like that I just try to appease, I have attempted suicide before(bottle of ibuprofen and cutting which left deep scars but I tattooed over them) age:17, my girlfriend has codependent issues and two nights ago I was hanging out with my friends at a bar and she flew off the wagon and went to another bar got wasted and found her backpack by her mailbox . I’ve known a couple of my friends for like 6 years and one for two years . One guy she accuses wants to sleep with me but we’ve never been involved that way I don’t want to, her and I have been dating for 4 months now and I do see myself with her for the rest of my life and if we don’t do that I don’t plan on being with a man ever again . Anyways, she says she hates this guy and doesnt want me spending time with him . Ok I see her worries as he is the only straight male I hangout with . Now her coworker, we will call him will Ben , has expressed he would leave his job if she left and what not .  The day after the bar situation she didn’t go to work and almost got fired . Ben messaged her “you naughty sl*t” and that sat uncomfy with me as she expects me to end a friendship of roughly a year because the other 5 years we’ve known each other but he was in a toxic relationship and we recently became close . Now I just have anxiety about everything, her if she’s going to blow up, driving, her sister complains me and her spending too much time together which we spend every night together except that last fiasco, her sis says I came along and basically took her away . Her sis explained she was trying to hook my gf up with her friend but the girl is crazy right in front of me . I’ve tried lexapro, buspirone, and some other antidepressants and nothing works . I get scared when I disassociate and have a panic attack and also feel like I’m going to just freak out and I feel like I need to go to a mental hospital . I go to therapy too . She drinks every day and I drink here and there but when I drink I drink entirely too much and have blacked out more often than not . Help me please .