Recently, I’ve (22F) had a pretty bad couple of weeks, and this latest episode has put my relationship at risk. I’ve been feeling shame and unworthy of love and trust. 

The worst part is, I feel like I have been in this same boat way too many times. Everything is going great, and then it isn’t. The self-destruct kicks in, I lose my sense of self. 

Luckily, my boyfriend (21M) has not given up on me yet. I have decided to switch therapists and look for a behavioral specialist, I am cutting alcohol completely out of my life for an undetermined amount of time and I want to carve out a happy and healthy life for myself. I want to stop running away from stability. 

But I feel sad. I have been terrified that I am simply unlovable and doomed to fail. I also don’t want to waste my boyfriend’s time when he could be with someone who would make his life better than I could. I was browsing a certain subreddit, and I am petrified of making him miserable like the posters there say their partners with borderline personality have made them feel. 

And today, as I woke up to leave to work, like a slap in the face: I see my dad packing his bags because mom is kicking him out… *Again*. 

God, I feel terrible. My mom (who is not diagnosed with anything, but definitely has **something**, and could definitely have BPD) has “discarded” him so many times, has been unfaithful, and is completely unaware of herself. I feel like life is yelling at me: this is who you will become. 

So, is it? I certainly don’t want it to be, but sometimes it feels like I have no control of my life no matter how hard I try. A self-fulfilling prophecy set in stone. 

Can anyone relate to this? Also, does anyone have positive insights/relationship success stories to share? I’d appreciate it very much!