I was listening to a podcast that delved into some psychology and it said something so relevant to my life that I listened to it multiple times to copy it word for word. My first "love" was a narcissist and abusive and a lot of the pain I felt makes a lot more sense after learning why these two types of people are such a terrible combination.

 "When a narcissist and a borderline get together, the excitement, ecstasy, and passion at the beginning of a relationship are only exceeded by the vitriolic, venomous repulsion at the end. What specifically about these two personalities makes their relationship so toxic? Borderline personality disorders tend to posses strong feelings of emptiness and penetrating fears of being alone, which is why they're so weary of trusting others, so borderlines tend to seek out someone who can fill their emptiness and relieve their loneliness. They're attracted to the narcissist because initially he or she comes off as strong and confident in their objectives, but what seems to be passion and generosity for their partner is really about how the partner makes the narcissist feel about themselves. The narcissist sees their partner as an ally in getting whatever he or she may be in pursuit of."

While it makes me feel better to have a sense of understanding for my old relationship, it makes me feel worse to realize my first love wasn't even love. It's like having your worst BPD fears come true. The person I was so devoted to didn't ever even truly love me.
So that sucks.

Does anybody else relate to this?