Im scared about how cruel this world is. Sadistic violence against humans and animals. I don‘t want to be on this planet. I want to die but im scared to die and want to live forever because i love my life. It’s kinda crazy to feel 24/7 this wish to die because everything sucks, the emptiness and pain in me and on other side loving my life. Im scared to get older. Life offers so much. I love my cats, playing guitar, making music, having gigs…..
But on the other side people are going insane. We are destroying planet we live on. Wars, hunger, pain and so on. Im lucky to live in a good country. But somewhere people are dying. Misery, violence and ignorance is everywhere around us. 
It‘s so confusing. Im sitting here on the couch, writing this and im scared. 
Not taking care of my body, eating shit or eating nothing. Alc and Weed sometimes. I stopped to work out. Every second i could die because 10000 different reasons.
Life is not fair. It‘s not fair to anybody and i feel so sorry for that. I feel sorry for everything. I feel so guilty because im privileged to live in a good country. 
Why are humans so ignorant, stupid and greedy? Why is no one seeing the misery? Why are people with money and power, government, etc. ain‘t changing something.
I don‘t understand this humanity