I make hundreds of videos talking about various subjects from philosophy , politics , and religion accept i never upload them , i just feel like i had a good idea and had to document or i get a certain burst of insight , i can blame it on my bi-polar syndrome maybe , and perhaps un-diagnosed OCD , i used to do rituals where i had to say things a certain amount of times or touch something to cancel out a "bad" thought . But the videos .... I dunno .. i dont have many friends in real life , i mostly spend time doing activities alone , so maybe im partially using myself as company . Im not a hermit by any means though i used to be , i go outside regularly and practice self care , i never even quarantined when it was advised to , i always am adventurous and trying to live my /enjoy my life while i can . I never believed in corona and i made alot of videos documenting that period in my city , walking around outside . I feel like i can be mis-understood , and people under-estimate me , cause on the surface i really do look like any other girl , but inside i relate to people who are more different or some little quirk . Anyways i have been feeling kinda anxious, paranoid and depressed lately