I could say so much about why but it won't make any difference. I'm so exhausted. Its like a whirlwind is constantly going on inside of my head. Ativan is the only thing that seems to help but you can't be prescribed on it long-term so it's more of a distraction than a solution. Then, on top of all of these internal problems that im already close to giving up on because of, my ex starts texting me again out of nowhere. Everything was going fine for a few days and I was happy we could end things on a better note but then she blocked me out of nowhere for no reason I can legitimately think of and it turns out she just started texting me because she just got broken up with and was trying to use me again. How couldnt I notice. Everyone just uses me. Honestly I'm not even depressed, ive realized this. I have so many ambitions and wishes and desires but my anxiety is so fucking controlling that none of them seem possible. Everything is my fault, all of this. All of these problems are just in my fucking head. I've been on countless prescriptions but you cant fix a broken brain and mindset. Who knows how long ill last until I break but who even truly cares. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe in 10 years. It can't come soon enough. Happy birthday to me!