I've always had self-awareness where I understood what I'm feeling and why I feel that way, but it's never been as intense as it is now. The self-awareness I feel now is actually too much to handle and it's causing me extreme levels of discomfort. Being aware of my thoughts and their deeper meaning is not all I'm doing, now I observe my every physical movement whether it be fixing my hair or glasses, a facial expression I make, and even a movement as small and insignificant as turning my head to see something. I don't know if other people think the way I do so it makes me think there is something really wrong with me. These thoughts go on all day. It's even worse when I'm alone even though there's no chance of anyone seeing me and thinking I look weird. But I think I look weird. Also, I'm always thinking someone is watching me even when there's no one around me that I can visibly see. I feel insane. 

I don't understand what the fuck is going on with me but it feels wrong and most certainly abnormal. These movements feel unnatural to me even though they are normal things everyone does. That's why I'm constantly moving from one activity to the next because everything I do feels fucking weird and weird is the best way I can describe it. It's an alien-like feeling. My own body's instinctual movements feel like foreign sensations and I hate it. I also notice the patterns of my own behavior to the point where I just don't even want to move anymore and I will lay in one spot staring ahead at nothing and feeling nothing. 

I do have multiple mental illnesses and I do see someone for them, but nothing makes me feel better about myself. I feel like an outsider, observing my own actions through the eyes of someone else. An invader in my own skin. I'm pretty sure it's depersonalization-derealization and it won't stop. I've never felt this horrible before but everything around me feels fabricated and lacking substance. I catch myself looking at my reflection in mirrors to make sure that my appearance didn't somehow change and I do this a lot. 

I'm not sure how else to explain this and I'm sure anyone reading this is gonna think "this bitch is crazy" but it's really affecting my life and how I function. Barely functioning really.