Hello everyone. I hope you all are having a good day, or are at least managing. I wanted to wait until I got a diagnosis to post on here.

So I tend to worry about *everything*. I think about every possible scenario. I'm never in the present.

I feel like I have no control over my life, or that I'm not allowed ot have any control over my life. When I make a decision that I feel is in my best interest, or set a boundary, I feel so guilty that it starts to physically hurt. I get into arguments in my head, trying to explain myself to imaginary people who will be against the boundary I set or a decision I make. When I see people online or on TV for example who are living in a way that doesn't align with my values(which is fine), I feel so anxious, and also guilty, cause I feel bad for wanting to do things differently. 

My guilt comes from caring about how other people feel and will be impacted by my actions. I dont think this is a bad thing but I'm trying to make it so I'm not hurting myself to please others. I don't want to do the "wrong" thing. 

It doesn't matter how many people offer me reassurance. I will still try to seek it. I will always find a way to make something into a problem. I did CBT for a few weeks, and they said one of the ways to stop rumination is to not distract myself, which tbh helps, but I have an addiction to focusing on imaginary problems. I *have* to "solve" the scenario in my mind or I can't sleep. Every day for me is figuring out how I'm gonna explain myself to someone for something I did/want to do.

It doesn't do anything good for my life obviously. I'm in university in a rigorous program trying to graduate in a couple of years, and stuff like this is affecting my focus. My current meds are not working and I feel reluctant to try a new one again.

Does anyone struggle with this?