I used to abuse street pills (downers only) a lot and in very dangerous ways (mixing them and drinking on them). My drug abuse was really bad, no doubt, and I was diagnosed with substance use disorder (basically addiction) and went through detox and was put on MAT several times. And yes, I used to be physically dependent on them and lacked control. Now I abuse “safer” drugs (not gonna say what they are to prevent sounding like I’m glorifying them) and I take tolerance break days to prevent dependency. Yet I still tell everyone I’m sober because I don’t wanna lose anyone. I really think my harm reduction method has helped me quite a lot, I only use functional doses and never use more than 4 times a week. I haven’t used my drugs or choice in nearly 2 years. I’m sick of lying but I also can’t control my impulses to use, but somehow I have enough control to abuse drugs in such a calculated manner. I feel really ashamed of this, just needed to get it off my chest.