It's been a long while since I've felt like this. But looking at both my exes on social media and realizing they both have boyfriends and/or husbands. Sudden intense surge of suicidal feelings. I don't know why. I've been alone for months and thought I was getting stronger in myself and more emotionally autonomous. But that dual realization just crushed me. I don't want to rely on others for support or my own happiness. I promised myself never again. So I'm not sure why I'm posting. But it's intense. And having a moment of weakness. Honestly very scared. I don't need anyone. I promised myself never again. Having a moment of weakness. But it's really difficult. Just need to ride this wave somehow. Despite the intensity. I guess I'm posting this for myself mostly. To be my own rock during the most hellish of moments. You've got this Brandon.