I know normal is subjective but I hope you get what I mean. I've been dealing with anxiety, OCD, and depression since I was a teen. Therapies and medication are a lifelong story for me. I look at people living their lives to the fullest makes me happy for them, at the same time I feel sad about myself. 

I can never do anything like an average person. The social anxiety holds me back to talk freely with relatives, friends, siblings, and even my parents at times. I spend time thinking about what other people think about me. I can't live freely even with my parents. I can't enjoy a party (which I rarely attend). Can't approach a person I like. Can't express my feelings. Have panic attacks. Afraid of almost every little thing in the world. Out of the blue, I just cry. I talk to myself, create imaginary people to talk openly. Dream of having relationships. Dream of having a career. Dream of expressing myself. 

It's a bit better now but on the bad days I just want to end everything but I am scared of that too. Compulsive thoughts scare me to death. Repeating every small thing due to these thoughts. I imagine everything lying amidst tears on my bed. 

I forgot what a normal day feels like. All these thoughts, therapies, medication, anxieties complete my day. There's no one to blame and nothing to do. I just wish I can have one more day in my life like when I was a kid. On that day I just want to go out, talk to people, be with my friends, hang out with them, come back home and spend time with my siblings and parents. I want to just hug my parents once without any of these compulsive thoughts in my head. I just want one normal day, just one.

PS - I've rewritten this post 21 times because if I didn't, I was gonna die. That's what my mind keeps on telling me.