My FP is my bf, and I feel like the way I handle or react to certain things bc of my mental illness is ruining our relationship. Don’t get me wrong he’s super supportive, he helps talk me out of so many mood swings or anxiety attacks driven by irrational thoughts. But of course I’m so worried he’s going to get tired of having to deal with someone like me, it could just be so much easier for him to find someone normal so he doesn’t have to put up with this as much as he does. 

Tonight I told him I wanted to sleep separately and spend a few nights a week sleeping separately (we sleep together pretty much every night but we have our own places). He’s also working from home at my house right now. So I come home to him and normally I’m always so excited but today I came home and got immediate anxiety. I felt like bc I see him so much and there isn’t much new stuff to talk about or I don’t have enough time to miss him, so all I have to focus my energy on is my own self created anxiety. I don’t know how to get away from this besides putting some distance between us. 

Now after I told him this I could tell he was upset bc he enjoys spending time with me just much as I do with him. I asked what his thoughts or feelings were on this and he said “does it matter? Weather good or bad will it change your mind?” AND I ALMOST WANTED TO TELL HIM “WELL IF IT UPSETS YOU ILL STAY WITH YOU AT YOUR HOUSE TONIGHT” I was so willing to put my feelings and needs to the side just bc I could tell he was upset. He knew I couldn’t hear him tell me he’s upset and he doesn’t want to lie to me so I liked his response but irrational fears then ran ram-pit. I was like well what if he goes home and ft another girl, or he feels so lonely he’s gonna try to talk to another girl, or he’s offended so obviously he’s gonna leave me.