It's been about 3 years since I broke it off with my last friend. I thought I would be fine with no friends because it wasn't a healthy friendship, but it's been really hard and so lonely. I've dealt with depression in the past but it's never been as bad as it is now and I feel like it's only getting worse as time goes on, I'm just getting closer to actually killing myself. When I was younger I only had passive thoughts of dying so my family would "finally care" or something, but now that I'm older I realize even if I kill myself I would be an easy person to forget or get over, so it doesn't even matter. I'm so lazy and ashamed of myself, I don't want to do anything. I just want a friend i could confide in but im so socially inept and uncomfortable people avoid me in my classes. I can barely string together coherent sentences when im talking out loud. I want a friend so badly.The only things that are keeping me here is the fear of the afterlife and dumb internet hobbies. Whenever i get bored or have no other content to consume i feel dread and anxiety. I have work in 3 hrs and I haven't gone to sleep yet, so I'm just prolonging the inevitable. I want to sleep but work will come sooner if I do. Sorry if none of this makes sense it's late and I just needed to get it out. Thank you.