\*\*Disclaimer: I have **BP with rapid cycling**. No car, no address / apt (currently staying with family), full time (remote) university student, with reasonable $$$ saved / liquidity, and some debt.

**I have a \*very\* good paying job** (more or less) **locked up** stateside that starts in 2 weeks. 

I have been to South America over 6 times in the last couple years - most of these trips were overwhelmingly positive, but I still ended up leaving in the end. 

\*\*Question: I have this insane and daily urge to book travel back to South America and disappear, even with the job on the table and a chance to rebuild my life. I have this **endless, exhausting** conversation in my head every day about whether I should take said job or relocate overseas. I have some secondary income streams that could work while abroad but likely limited access to meds, support networks, etc...

I know impulsive travel is a common manic behavior. I also know I left my last job because it was costing me my sanity (was unmedicated at the time however). This back and forth and indecisiveness is a waste of brain space and honestly unhealthy. 

**Why can't I commit to the job?** Am I romanticizing foreign travel and simply choosing to forget the bad days / negative experiences there?  **Is this just mania?** There's a decent chance I will be miserable in this new city / new job. Do I still take it? Money is important and so is stability but I really feel like my **\*heart\*** is not in it. **Do I just short circuit the emotional response, go on auto pilot, and take the job?** 

Time is running out and I need to figure this out....