Im this close to grabbing something sharp. I can't breath and i dont know what else to do. I can't vent on any sort of social media account because i don't want to push more of my friends away. If i can even call them that anymore. 

I feel like my main group of friends these days are the ones i have from work and i have fucked up so much at work the past few months and i can just feel that they all hate me. They hate working with me. No one talks to me unless it's a group work thing and not individual assignments. None of them talk to me specifically outside of work anymore. I always try to start a conversation individually but it doesn't go anywhere. Should i just quit? Is quitting equivalent to just committing suicide without actually killing myself? Like i wouldn't have to think about any of them anymore and their judgement and hatred of me. 

Am i overthinking everything again? Should i just keep quiet about how im feeling? I know i need to see a therapist but that's not possible for me right now so i don't know what else to do aside from just posting here.