im so tired of everything. im tired of constantly being overwhelmed by my emotions, or not feeling at all and trying to find anything to shake up my boredom. im tired of never being able to trust myself. im tired of feeling insane all the time. im tired of constantly fearing that my next action will make the people i love hate me. im tired of thinking im in love and after it blows out seeing how unhealthily obsessed i was. im tired of finding every my behavior is a symptom or trauma response. im tired of all my relationships failing. im tired of not having a fucking clue on who i even am. im tired of constantly changing plans and life decisions on a whim. i want to feel loved and not freak out when i get a text 2 hours late,  or when the person's tone changes slightly, i want to feel safe and not like i have to constantly  watch my back. i want to feel like a person, but everytime i try to get better i get false hope and then soon enough everything comes crashing down on me leaving me worse than before. im always the disposable one, im never worthy of love, im always too much. im fucking fed up. idk what to do with myself anymore.