finally got out of my worst depressive episode yet but that led to me being extremely fucking manic. i wasn’t eating or sleeping and was out getting absolutely wasted. saturday night i ended up getting black out drunk and got sexually assaulted by someone i considered a friend. i cant stop blaming myself because i know how i am when im manic and im sure at some point i made it seem like i wanted to have sex even though when we were in bed i told him i didn’t want to. but he still did it anyway. i was so drunk i couldn’t move or speak and i just laid there and let it happen. i don’t know how to feel and my anxiety is through the roof