Well I just lost my FP who was also my boyfriend, my dog might have to be put down and I’m 3000 miles from home alone during the holidays. I ruined ever even getting to talk to my ex again because my BPD made me spiral and I said some things I regret all because he was too busy to pick up the phone while I thought my dog wasn’t going to make it through the night and I had a major panic attack. He always answers his friends when he’s with me but when I needed him bad because I was panicking he is too busy. So it made me feel like he didn’t care and I said some stuff and he officially blocked me from everything so I can’t even make amends. I hate life right now. I barely want to do anything, I’ve been crying almost every night when the pain meds my dog is on wears off and he starts crying and whimpering in pain for hours straight. Last night I just drank and drank to get over everything. I want to be done with life at this moment. I feel like I’m losing everything all at once and just wish I wasn’t so impulsive to say harsh things when I feel uncared for. BPD is the worst mental illness out there. I am slowly giving up.