I. AM. STRUGGLING. GREATLY. SORRY FOR MY INCONVENIENCING YOU WITH MY TERRIBLE MENTAL HEALTH. WHAT ELSE COULD ATTENTION SEEKING BEHAVIOR BE INDICATING?? That I’m having a FANTASTIC time and I want others to see it? That I’m JUST KIDDING about my constantly worsening suicidal thoughts? That maybe I really don’t feel like I’m the one in control of me, my body, my thoughts and the words I speak to others? How about that I just feel like I’m watching a movie of someone else living my life and I’m not a participant in my own actions? I don’t know how else to ask for help because I’VE NEVER BEEN ALLOWED TO. In my first foster placement, mental health didn’t exist. My mother had just died, and I was 11. No grief counseling, no therapy, I was discouraged from even talking to the school guidance counselors. in my second foster placement, my foster sister SHUNNED ME AND TOLD ME I WAS WEAK for getting help. Someone I looked up to, someone I thought was going to be my best friend for life. How do you think that fucked me up? I stopped all my meds. Stopped my therapy and psych appointments. I was ashamed. I still am. Sorry I don’t know any fucking differently. But I am trying. I’m trying to be a better person and say better things to people and do better for myself. But it is fucking hard when you cry for help the only way you know how and people FUCKING SHIT ON YOU FOR IT. sorry I’m not a well adjusted adult. I was never given a fucking chance. Childhood is when you learn how to exist so when you’re an adult, you can do it, and I was failed by every parental figure in my life.