According to a psychologist at my dad's church, anyhow.

A few months back, my ex suggested I might have something called Borderline Personality Disorder. I looked into it, buying a few books, doing my fair share of research. Obviously this did not suddenly make me an "expert," but after much reading, I had every single symptom. From impulsivity, to suicidal thoughts/ideation to self-harming to over-emotional outbursts to anger issues, etc. It was all there. I ended up seeing a psychologist for the first time ever back in March and since I needed insurance info from my parents, I had no choice but to fill them in on what was going on. My doctor said she couldn't formally diagnose me with BPD since I would need to see a therapist for that. But she said she was certain I have it.

With that said, upon coming home from college for the summer, I told my mom about what was going on. My family doesn't know I'm suicidal, but I thought it was important to at least tell them about the BPD. So, in short?

**TL;DR:** My dad decided to ask a psychologist at his church about BPD, I guess to get a better understanding of it. And apparently I don't have it because the only symptom I display is impulsiveness (tendency to dye my hair a lot and get tattoos), and it's something (direct quote from mother dearest) "only psychos and murderers have." Now, not to sound all high and mighty in thinking I know everything there is to know about BPD, but I'm *pretty* sure that's not at ALL the case.

When she said that, I was actually really hurt. Not because she was accusing me of being either a psycho or murderer (or both, who knows), but because my parents completely dismissed my issues. I'm not whining because I want them to give me a pity party or something, trust me. But I went to them to let them know that I'm depressed and have had issues for over 6 years and it's like they're ignoring it and telling me I'm fine, when all the while I sit in my room conjuring up ways to end my life. 

-Sigh- Sorry for the rant. I just feel weird, like I'm crazy or something for thinking I have BPD..despite having all the symptoms and the word of my doctor. I guess I'm upset because it makes me feel like no one cares..So. I don't know -___-

/pointless post