i may or may not be starting to give up on…everything🧍 it doesn’t look like i’m gonna be getting therapy any time soon cuz that’s…just not working out lol. and i don’t have anything to look forward to in a way that’s gonna help me anymore. like life events to look forward to? yea maybe but those won’t fix anything so I’m just “distracting” myself for the small time period I’m doing whatever. and I put distract in quotes cuz more than half the time I’m not rly or fully distracted so I just maybe don’t think about it for an hour if I’m lucky and that’s it. and it’s not changing and I can’t keep doing this. then what? I’m just gonna keep living my life trying to find distractions and hope they work? until i can get help and god knows when that’s gonna be…a couple years?? i can’t do this for a couple years…like i might be able to keep pushing if I know things get better soon or I’m gonna get help or just something in my life is gonna change. but not having that reassurance is slowly killing me rn. and I’m not rly ok with it but idk what to do? i’m trying so hard to not resort to the last choice but man it’s getting difficult. and I hate that I know I’m right, I wish I was wrong so badly.