He recently broke up with me about a week ago but keeps in frequent contact, and if you look back on my post history, I've been railing on myself and just sick with pain and heartache. 

In my mind, everything is the fault of my BPD. He would always tell me that he'll never understand what I'm going through and that it's often very hard to deal with me and my, "problems."

When I explained what happened to my therapist yesterday, I went in there with no clue that this could also be the result of BPD splitting on his behalf. I didn't put the pieces together, but when I did, it made so much sense. However, I know that no one but a professional can diagnose him, but that makes me feel bad for even thinking this could be what's been happening. I don't even feel angry or betrayed by him for being emotionally manipulative, I actually feel sympathetic. 


Here's the first thing that stood out to my therapist: my ex is also a patient at the practice, but does not receive therapy, only medication. He told me for years not to mention that he was also a patient as it would, "jeopardize his medication." He was very adamant about this. As a result, I could never navigate issues in our relationship. She told me that this was a form of manipulation to say, "you're the only one with the problems here."

I'm not saying i want to be back with him now that I'm seeing clearly, but I know this ordeal isn't over yet if my therapist is right. I'd like some input.

I'll go down a list of signs that I missed:

1) Before he broke up with me, I was frustrated that day and kept telling him I needed space and that we weren't compatible "right now." He suddenly came home from the job we shared, got us both fired somehow, took all his things in a hurry and also took off with the car we shared. It left me devastated. He kept repeatedly saying we would never be together again, which is something he's said before but this is much more serious this time. 

2) He checks the marks for a very turbulent childhood. Repressed memories. Violent father. Product of an affair so his family rejected him. Had a mother of convenience. His stepfather adopted him and this person is put on an extremely high pedestal. He will mention things he's done in his past when he is black out drunk, and when I bring it up the next day he will say he never said that, that he doesn't know what I'm talking about, and he doesn't want to get into it. 

3) Has cut himself as a teenager but no longer self harms. Says each cut represents a person he had hurt in the past.

4) Can't remember how many sexual partners he had and had a bisexual experience during one of our breaks that totally had me floored with surprise. He tossed this person aside completely when I started coming back around. 

5) Totally unempathetic about the things he says to me when he's upset. He is very cold and hurtful.

6) After this break up, he was sending me cat memes on Facebook. Calling every lunch break from his new job. Literally still calling me baby every day but in the same conversation would say we aren't getting back together. Every time we ever got back together, he initiated the flirting, but tells me, "you're not inching your way back in this time." Therapist tells me this is a result of fear of engulfment and intimacy. He frequently says he, "wants his old friend back." I think he's referring to the happy go lucky relationship we had when we were having casual sex but with no strings attached because nothing else is different. 

7) I tried to tell him I needed to cut him off for a little while the other day, so I could heal. He lost it. Sending me a text in all caps saying he does not want to be with me, to not contact him again, but also saying in the same text that if I want to talk to him it can't be about any hint of a future together or any other bullshit. I was very nice in my text. I also tried to point out some issues as he tells me that I gave up my job and burned everything to the ground and he can't have that instability. I didn't though, my boss texted me I wasn't fired, but then a few hours later told me not to come in anymore. It was something he did. He said, "okay so I'm the bad guy." And other sarcastic things like that. 

8) Frequently tells me he doesn't have interest in sex very often unless there is a chase or challenge to it. If I engage a little too often, he becomes less interested. Doesn't like cuddling or kissing. The more I seemed to pull away at the end of our relationship before he left, the more he wanted to kiss me and have sex. He always engages in sex some time after we break up if we end up hanging out after a few times. 

9) Extremely jealous. I tried to introduce him to some new friends and he got belligerently drunk, bringing up past problems with guys, and telling them things like, "you better take care of her." While crying and just being obnoxious. When we were alone in the car, he looked back at me and literally said, "do you want me to kill them?" As the night proceeded an ambulance had to pick him up. He called the next day and said something like, "well, you probably shouldn't talk to me any more then." I know he has mental illness problems diagnosed as impulse control problems so I tried not to be too hard on him at the time. He never acts so verbally and emotionally violent unless he is upset. 

10) I'm starting to wonder if he's faked episodes where he can't breath after smoking or having drunken sex. It looks like he's gasping for air but he rejects my inhaler or me calling for help and suddenly gets over it. 

11) After we last spoke and argued a few days ago, he conveniently got really sick the next day and called off of his new job that he was so excited about. Told me, "you had me so upset last night" but wasn't directly me blaming me or anything. 

My therapist told me that if I cut him out now, even though he's telling me that HE needs space and that I'm the one who needs to stop contacting him (I do reach out occasionally but he's kept regular contact before this) so much, that he'll suddenly start coming back around again. I know this would be true if I relate it to my own past experiences. I used to be very bad with manipulation myself before 7 long months of DBT a few years ago. But he insists this time is it, but he wants to maintain our close friendship. He came to pick up some of his stuff the other day and tried to crack jokes to make me laugh, and when I would say, "stop don't make me smile," he'd blush and start laughing and hiding his smile. Still being flirty. He is SO much more calm and pleasant in person than text right now. It's so bizarre. 

I'm just reeling from all of this insight and I don't know what to do. Is it possible?