Since I was 17 years old I struglle with depression and anxiety. I had an crisis when I was 17, then 21, then 24, then 28, then 32, then now, with 37 years old. For some time I think I was finally free, now my life is good, I had an good doctor and good pills, ten years of terapy, a good job, a good boyfriend, a happy family. But this monster is always lurking in the shadows, since october I already lost 22 lbs, I can't eat, I always with nausea, weakness, panic attacks that last hours. I feel uttery desolated, and sad, what's the point of all my fight to beat this, my life is never gonna be normal, I always have to watch my feelings and pray to take more time to the next crisis. I think all days to take my life, because I can't stand this anymore. I feel isolated, I feel nobody understand what I been gone through, and I have an intense fear, that fear seens to engulf me like an gigantic fist crush me to death.