Hello, I’m a (31F) In the throes of a bad depressive episode. I also have ADHD and CPTSD, due to some issues with my job I have been off work for two months now and in that time I have done absolutely nothing. My dishes have gotten so bad that I occasionally just throw things away that look like they can’t be saved. About once a week I will go around my house and gather up all the trash and throw it out and bag up dirty laundry that my cats of peed on after I clean up their litter box. I know that my environment is making my depression worse I can’t seem to move. I keep trying to set up counseling in to see somebody but everybody is full or they don’t specialize in trauma. I was sober but I relapsed and that’s definitely contributing to how I feel. I stopped being able to socialize, anytime around people I just fight or shut down. I ran up about five grand on a credit card just to feel better for a moment, and I’m desperately just trying to find relief in dating apps and attention I immediately regret and delete. 

How do I break this? How do I get out of this? I’m terrified of going back to work because I don’t remember the last time I spent 10 hours on my feet. Before December sometime. I’m just laying here and binge eating, pushing people away and isolating. I can’t seem to stop. I’ve even taken prescription stimulants that are prescribed to me, and they just make my heart race but I’m still paralyzed. I don’t know what to do. I hate myself like this.