So I have bad anxiety and it’s been over a year since I’ve worked. 

Within this past week I’ve gotten 3 job interviews. One I went to, but then after I left the place I was so anxious I developed a migraine and I vomited in my car. 

The second job Interviewed I completely ignored, and this third one, this third interview which I have tomorrow, is for a prep cook position but I’m considering quitting that too. 

My brain always finds some reason to tell me to quit, and when I ask for peoples advice on this job or that job, the bad experiences discourage me. I was looking forward to trying to be in the kitchen but people tell me it’s not worth it, it’s 70+ hour work weeks, little pay, and no benefits. And plus I don’t want to be a manager either, I just want to do something for income that I actually kind of enjoy. 

Everyone has something bad to say, and that on top of my past horrible work experiences, I have zero confidence in myself or that any employee or employer I work for will be considerate and relatable, and not a total asshole to work with.

I’m depressed about the 9-5 work week humanity has created. My goal is to grow and sell my own produce, and I’m a current gardener as it is and my major is agriculture.

Any job for money seems like hell and miserable and I hate having to dedicate myself and my time to a dumb fuck slew of CEOs and higher ups who only see you as a number. 

Will I ever get over this enough to get myself a job? My god this is just miserable day in and day out.