I am just sick of the people around me being, well, OK with normalizing sucking at life.  Everyone I fucking know.  Drinking, drug use, junk food, poor reading comprehension, shitty math skills, shitty finances, lack of stoicism, etc.  Like, am I fucking crazy?  Is it so abnormal to crave having a better life?  

I got a talking-to from my partner the other day because I refused to stop being productive; I worked out and cleaned before my work shift and planned to be more productive and do some studying and organizing and planning after my shift ends.  She convinced me to relax a little and I ended up squandering my fucking evening playing a game when I should be working harder to develop myself so I can become self-reliant and escape this 9-5 shit where I have to earn money for some other fucking asshole.  Why the fuck do I need to rest.  All it's done is cause mediocrity.  Now I'm thinking about clocking into my 9-5 tomorrow where I gotta put on another 8 hours of a fucking act where I pretend that socializing with people doesn't send my fucking brain into mental hell.  How early do I have to fucking wake up then huh?  Fucking 4?  Because I sure as shit won't fucking be able to get anything done after work when I'm socially burned out and treated like I'm fucking manic or something because I don't want to relax.

I'm fucking sick of it.  Just fucking tired and angry at everything and everyone.  I want to be left alone in a fucking room for several years so I can develop myself, then reemerge as a successful human being without the constraints of this fucking mediocrity around me.  I'm tired of benefiting people who are not ultimately going to benefit me.  I'm going to therapy and psychiatry and, fuck it, once they realize what the fuck this "complex condition" is I have no fucking intention of treating it; I just need fucking meds to focus better and a concrete fucking label so I can more effectively gauge how I can use my transactional method of socializing and apathy to a greater advantage, fit better in society with a more effective mask, and learn how to conserve energy during my anger so it could be used on more productivity.