
TLDR; How do you not beat yourself up for saying hurtful things when you were angry? 

Everyone who knows anything about depression knows it can come out in various ways. It’s not always just sadness. My depression comes out in the form of anger 😬 but I understand myself. I’m miserable I’m every aspect of my life and it feels impossible to change, so who wouldn’t be mad? Plus years of emotionally abusive parents + childhood molestation.
Anyways…I get mad , me and my partner fight. It’s 50/50 he says things he doesn’t mean and I do the same thing, I admit I can get emotionally abusive when I’m having an episode but he gets physically abusive. After our fights, I can’t stand myself. I mean at that point I no longer want to end my life because I’m sad I want to end it because I think I’m such a horrible person. I apologize and break down and my partner assures me they forgive me and still love me but it’s not enough, I feel disgusting. 
Anyone who understands…how do you live with the insane guilt from lashing out when angry? I love my boyfriend to death  and can’t stand myself for saying hurtful things to him he would never say to me.