I'm so tired. I miss my Dad, and the person that I thought was my friend. But as he's passed on and she's toxic I really don't have anyone that I'm really close to. 

My partners are trying to comfort me and be there to make things comfortable for me - but it still hurts. Why does everything have to be so fresh? All the time.. 

Having BPD, Bipolar2 and Autism makes having genuine friends difficult. I can't trust myself not to get too attached or to not get used. It keeps happening, and I'm too scared to get close to anyone anymore. 

I know I need to speak to a mental help professional - but even that gives me anxiety. What if they use me or try to have me committed? I'm so tired and lonely. I miss having a friend. 

Just someone I can talk to about video games, shows and books I love. Hell, even animals and special interests. I know that I can be a lot sometimes, but I just...miss having friends. I apologize for ranting.

I'm just trying to quiet my mind.