Hi there. 
I’m not sure how this works. I mostly came here as an outlet to write down my thoughts. Without going into my past trauma, just be aware I’ve been through a lot of grief and depression for a girl in her twenties. 
It might not make sense but I can’t think of anything else to do with what I’m feeling. 
My depression always used to come in waves since I was younger in elementary school. The last 10 months has been the worst it’s ever been.
I’ve been experiencing this “hazy” state of mind - never felt this bad and detached from reality like this before. I’ve been living it for months. I know I need to get out of it but I’m comfortable and feel safe here? It’s so hard to explain. It’s a lonely and sad place. I don’t want to hangout with friends or talk with them on the phone. Always feels like a chore. 
I don’t smoke a lot of weed to get high but I do have a THC pen that I take hits of (majority of the day) to help with the constant anxiety and fatigue o feel from depression. I’m not high throughout the day but it helps with my appetite, sleep and anxious thoughts. This has been going on for a year. Nothing makes me want to wake up in the morning and once I do eventually get out of bed, I eat breakfast and have a tea and end up just wanting to go back to bed. No motivation whatsoever and just want to watch shows, nap and to not be bothered. I am not exercising whatsoever and I’m only brushing my teeth every couple of days. Even showering seems exhausting.
I miss my friends and I want to find someone to share my life with one day, when I’m in a better place. But shit…
What is this, just plain old really bad depression? 
I’m lonely, helpless and need to talk.