Long story short, I feel like I am constantly carrying around a weight of shame and humiliation like an albatross around my neck as a result of not feeling desirable, attractive or lovable enough. I highly suspect that this may be why a lot of BPD and C-PTSD sufferers constantly engage in promiscuity (along with the impulsivity and constant boredom). The problem is that I know deep down that getting more notches on the bedpost in order to feel valuable is just an exercise in futility. I know I have value as a human being outside of sex and romance but for some reason all of that goes out the window and if I don't perceive myself as attractive, good in bed or relationship material. 

&amp;#x200B;

P.S: I am a 21 year old straight and cis-gendered male if anyone wants context.