It's just exhausting at this point. Multiple times a day, my head forces me to google possible 'symptoms' to convince me something is wrong with me. Wether it's the unexplained weight loss I'm experiencing, the occassional tighness in my throat, the itchy skin, the hair loss, it doesn't matter what, my mind will find something that's up. I know it's stupid, I know googling symptoms is always a terrible idea. Every time I do so, turns out I have cancer or heart disease or idk...fucking tapeworm or whatever.  Doesn't matter what it is, I just can't convince myself that there's nothing wrong with me. It's become such an intrusive thought and so much worse over the past few weeks, I literally can't stop looking up stuff that might hint at me being physically ill. I spend hours every day, looking up the signs and symptoms of pretty much any terminal illness I (might I say, a healthy 17 year old female with no former health issues) could possibly have. 

Little backstory for those who care to read, all of this started when I lost about 6 pounds for no apparent reason. Sure, my anxiety had gotten me pretty far down at that time and I wasn't checking if I was eating enough, but of course, my mind immediately jumped to the conclusion of googling. The results? Well...cancer, duh. It ended up driving me so insane that I went to the doctor a few months ago to get myself checked out, but even after my blood results came back fine, I didn't believe him when he told me I was okay. 

Fast forward now a few more months, I lost another 4 pounds and I genuinly don't know what to do anymore? I don't know if I'm eating enough or not or if I'm just losing weight because I'm mentally not too well or not. But the possibility that something is genuinly wrong with my body freaks me out so much, I don't know what to do anymore. How do I stop this fuckery?! What am I supposed to do? I'm just so tired of this shit :(