—TW— Mention of d**th, mention of a way I insulted someone (not to be encouraged or portrayed positively)

I split on the mods of another subreddit because one of my posts was removed for being “out of context,” and my partner had to explain to me that it WASN’T because the mods didn’t believe me, or because they thought I was deliberately attempting to put the person I was texting in the screenshot in a negative light. 

More explanation was apparently required for it, so in a hot fit of rage, I said something to the degree of, “What I said in my title was clearly enough. Can they really not understand? Are people that stupid?” 

And then later in the conversation after he replied, a little frustrated, “I don’t know what to tell you,” I mistakenly added, “I just want them to die.”

I obviously don’t mean it, but emotionally speaking, I got so fucking angry out of nowhere that I felt genuine hatred toward these people for “not believing me.” 

tl;dr - I’m one of those people with BPD where any little thing can piss me off with the intensity of a thousand suns, and it can make me want to say insulting things that I later find I don’t actually mean. I’ve gotten better, but I still have my moments, including today, where I split on mods of a different subreddit because a post I made for removed.

This disorder is so embarrassing DX