How do you deal with it?? 

If I have a meltdown, I end up (psychologically) hurting myself or someone else and then I feel absolutely terrible and that I'm a failure. If I try to distract myself from my rage or from a meltdown, I end up having the meltdown as soon as I the distraction is over. If I try to just ride through the feelings, I end up having a full blown panic attack instead of a meltdown. It's like I have to have the meltdown just to be able to get rid of these feelings and be able to think clearly again. I have yet to find any sort of method to get me through these periods. I just can't do this anymore. I'm so desperate...