How I feel;
I feel alone and isolated from others. Now, I don’t live a bad life at all or anything. I have 2 parents, a sibling that has a pretty cool partner, an uncle and 3 dogs in a somewhat stable household. But, I’ve always dealt with a feeling of something being wrong in my life since a kid. I had grown up in a loving household that always had enough to provide for me, so I could somehow shake that feeling off - which I think may be anxiety -  by distracting myself. This had worked to an extent til now. I can’t help now but feel hopeless, some days miserable, useless, and depressed. I hate saying I feel depressed though, it seems somewhat selfish. Anyway, it really does feel like I’m the black sheep in my family and even friends for that matter. My parents always praise my older sibling and I can see why, he’s much better looking than I am, he’s fit and strong with a stable job and beautiful partner; then there’s me. The loser who can’t help himself, can’t get past the talking stage with someone, the one who’s anti-social because whenever he talks he feels ignored, gets mocked for being a single virgin, not as capable, lazy - which I will admit I am, but so are the people saying these things - and more that I don’t feel like elaborating on; Now, when I hear these things I easily “laugh it off” but am really hollow inside. I also hear my family talk about my brother being the “golden child”, and my uncle who stays with us right now say “the cool nephew”. They don’t even hide it. My family say they love me, but do they really? That’s honestly how it feels. They’ve openly said my generation are “pussies and get suicidal because they’re weak.” My own mother had even said this after I had opened up to her a few months beforehand. Now I don’t want to open up again. I don’t get taken seriously like my brother, but always thought that was normal; because he’s the older brother. I’m by no means an angel of a person, but I’m trying. It doesn’t help that I hide my emotions by crying alone in my room. Yes, suicide has crossed my mind but I’m too cowardly to follow through with it; so sometimes I just hit myself instead, most commonly punching my jaw full force. I could keep rambling on about the pussy I am but I think I’ll leave it there.

TL;DR: depression, anxiety, self-harm, inferior complex.