My feelings for them seem to straddle the line between platonic and romantic, which is painful, because they're not attracted to my gender, and while they say they love me, they are also far less attached to me than I am to them - in general they're not the type to get really attached to other people unless it's someone they're dating. 

I've tried really hard to get over this. I've consciously tried to train myself to focus on their flaws more to get myself to pedestalize them less but it backfired and now my brain just thinks they're perfectly imperfect. I wish I was making this up (feel free to laugh). I had them muted on social media because ANYTHING they posted sent me on the most intense emotional roller coasters. It wasn't enough. The last three weeks I straight up blocked their phone number and everything and went zero contact and I thought that worked but today I texted them to congratulate them for something and wren they didn't respond immediately my heart just sank again. Even though I know they're a bit of an erratic texter I still have anxiety attacks and/or impulses to self harm and/or suicidal thoughts/behavior when something like this happens. 

Had anyone ever eliminated the FP thing, or switched their FP to someone else, or anything at all? I can't keep living like this.