Can’t add more flairs so I’ll add some TWs here just in case: suicide, depression, self-harm

Im a girl living in BC, Canada and the mental health care system here is...subpar at best. Free healthcare, yes, it’s excellent, but it’s mostly just good for physical ailments. 

I won’t get into exactly how since it’s a long story, but I was misdiagnosed with bipolar a while ago in 2016 after a suicide attempt and have been walking around on the wrong medication seeking the wrong treatments for years. Today, I finally got in to see a province-provided psychologist who had done her due diligence and researched my entire mental health history since I first went to my GP about suspicions of having anxiety (lol) in 2013. She told me, after reading through everything, that I, beyond a single doubt, had borderline personality disorder. 

I didn’t know what it was exactly and it was terrifying, but she went through the characteristics of people with BPD and my jaw started dropping. 

It explained so much of occurrences during my entire life. Like, 

Storming out of a friend’s house almost instantly because he jokingly called me high-maintenance. 

Constantly trying to run away from home every time my parents and I would get into blowout arguments.

Picking fights for no reason with anyone who would let me. 

Constant paranoia that my friends hate me, and the consistently changing decision-making process of I don’t want to be friends with them anymore &gt; Just kidding, I like them again &gt; Nope, they all hate me so I’m going to storm out of this function crying &gt; etc. 

Complete and utter instability in every single one of my romantic relationships. It was the worst in my most recent one. I had a girlfriend I was always paranoid about, thinking she was cheating on me with another girl who was her friend (after snooping her phone as a result of the paranoia, discovering I couldn’t be further from the truth), thinking that just because, as an introvert, she needed some space and time alone that it meant she was about to break up with me, so I’d try to break up with her first for no good reason. And any time we’d fight I’d immediately realize I didn’t want this and try to fix everything as soon as possible even if that meant violating her space and time. I broke up with her on impulse again on Saturday while simultaneously dissociating and now I think it might be permanent and I regret it so much and it hurts so much because I love her so much and now I don’t know what to do. 

I’ve been put on a wait list to see a B.C.-covered psychiatrist, but it might take up to 5 weeks for me to get an appointment. 

So now I’m here, and I guess my main question is: what do you guys do to treat your BPD? Not necessarily medication as I know medication isn’t the be-all-end-all cure, but what do you do to help with the constant mood swings and the short temper? Is there a certain kind of therapist you see? How has it impacted your romantic relationships, and do you think it’s possible for someone like me to ever be in a well-functioning relationship again. I’m very scared. 

Any help would be so appreciated. 

Thank you.