I feel like a lost cause. 

I have always had waves of low moods throughout my life due to my GAD, but it has gotten worse this May after breaking up with my boyfriend. Said boyfriend, on the same day i moved into my big, quiet apartment, basically admitted that he never actually wanted to be with me after a week of trading in his sweet demeanor for eye rolls and snide comments.

I have never had a partner who genuinely liked me, and I feel like I never will. That my personality is so unappealing that people get sick of it fast. Those circumstances basically made my brain confirm these fears

My best friend recently admitted to me that it is difficult to deal with my low moods and that she feels like she failed as a friend because she can seldom make me feel better when im stuck in them. Especially since theyve been more frequent. I dont blame her, some days when im out with people, it feels like my brain tells me "no fuck you, you dont deserve to be happy" and I just physically feel ill when trying to act like a human.

Somedays I think I should just do everyone a favor and disappear; if I wasnt alive, I wouldn't have to deal with this.

My psychologist admitted to me that my issues are out of her specialization, and that I should see a colleague of hers who does specialize in said issues. But I am scared that she wont be able to help me. That she will abandon me like my old psychologist, and that everyone else will eventually abandon me after gettinh sick of my shit.

Any else feel this way?