Already posted this to another subreddit but maybe it’s better here:

Can’t sleep, can’t eat. I feel so sick of myself.
Said some horrible stuff and made stupid hateful “jokes” (not funny at all, not a bit) in the past I would never ever in my life say today..  I tried to understand why I said those words, Because no one hurt me!! Maybe I just thought I’m funny without realizing what hateful crap comes out of my mouth…

I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t feel like I deserve to be loved/to receive forgiveness because I’m an evil person. I hate myself.