I finally started seeing a therapist this year and I feel like nothing’s ever gonna change. I’ve pretty much been suffering with various mental challenges and illness from the time I was a small child to now in silence, and so naturally everything has progressively gotten worse and worse. I am 19 years old and can say with all of the mighty confidence in the world that I am In the absolute worst mental state that I have ever been in my entire life at this point. I am so miserable and unhappy, suffering from debilitating self hatred and panic attacks and various other things. It feels like I get no where in therapy because I have sooooo many complex issues I try to talk with her about, but then another problem comes up that’s super urgent so now I have to talk about that, so we make no progress with the other stuff. It’s like ping pong and It doesn’t help that I suck at articulating whats actually going on with me so she can understand. I just hate myself and am so utterly sick of myself and my life. I can’t stand to see my reflection in the mirror, i hate the way I look, I hate myself for being so mentally fucked up, for having some of the most crippling anxiety that I have ever seen, for having severe panic attacks that leave me sweating, and shaking in my bed all alone at night, for always being upset, pushing my family away, constantly thinking about death and how afraid I am of it, being mentally ill, having extreme emotional break downs every day due to anger and all I want to do is be someone else. I’m so emotionally unstable and feel constant anger for who I am. Everyday SUCKS. I want things to change but it just feels like a lost cause. Doesn’t help that all the while I’m having to figure out what I’m gonna do with my life career wise as well…