 These past few days have been some of the worst. My menstrual cycle is here, my meds are finally kicking in (and messing with me big time), trauma memories are coming back, and to top it all off, my fp told me they're taking a break from social media and they don't know when they're coming back. 

They've been the only thing keeping me stable recently. Home life is in turmoil, parents are probably getting a divorce, I don't feel safe in my own house. But my fp was able to help me thru everything and they kept me alive. I broke down when they told me they were going away for a while, and I'm so scared now. Just not knowing when they're coming back is the worst part of it. I know this is only temporary, I know they're going to be back. But when you live only for someone else and they're gone, you just don't know how to live. 

I need some help. I don't know how to cope. Professional help is not an option. I can't go back to the hospital on suicide watch, not again. And I can't call a hotline, my calls are monitored. Any advice or talking (discord preferably) would be so welcomed. 

Thank you,

Ethan