There’s a dent in my parents’ dining room, half an inch deep, where 18 year old me - in one of those moments of blind fury - threw a book at the wall. I’m not sure after 21 years whether anybody other than me notices it. 

As of 3 hours ago there’s now a similar dent in the wall of the kids’ bedroom. This time it was a night light. 

Ashamed doesn’t even begin to cover it. 

I know it’s maybe easy to say that you don’t feel in control of what you’re doing, but that’s definitely how it feels. Conscious thought always seems 7/10ths of a second slower than the automatic, unconscious response.

Thanks for listening I guess