like, sometimes i'll just think that everyone around me is just using me or lying to me and i start to freak out and get really upset. then it escalates into a full-scale breakdown (i call them borderline breakdowns) that result in my paranoia convincing me to block almost all of my friends. i'm aware of how irrational i am when it happens, but i can't even stop it, it's like i'm not in control for the moment.