I guess I'll start by putting a disclaimer that the way I feel about my mind and my brain is not bragging in any way, nor is it some sort of self-important mindset that I have. I don't really know how to define the way I feel, nor do I know if this is even the right place to put it.

In the past few years, I've had a lot of growth, emotionally. I'm 18, I just graduated high school, and I've moved/switched schools quite a few times, I've had some trauma from this guy who stalked me online for a while but it's gotten better. I developed anxiety because of some of my experiences and I ended up having quite a few derealization/depersonalization episodes. 

In addition to having the symptoms of derealization and depersonalization, I've gotten pretty high a few times and have gotten a sensation that I was genuinely in an alternate universe. 

Usually, this stuff freaks me out a lot. It makes me feel alone and scared. But more recently, it's become more of an... awakening? 

I feel like I'm on the verge of some massive spiritual breakthrough and I'm the only person who knows it. I feel like I can see things in an entirely different way than others. I could almost say I feel that I have a similar 'awakening' that those who use psychedelics claim to have, even though I have never tried them. 

I have a real fascination with psychedelics and I'm interested in trying them one day, but my anxiety has made me nervous about having a bad experience, and I know I shouldn't trip if I'm not in a good place mentally. However I somehow feel that if I try psychedelics I would get more 'powerful' and more wise. 

I genuinely don't know the point of this post, I guess I'm just writing my experiences down for a community. Let me know if one of you understands or if you feel the same.