There’s so much I want to do but life just won’t let me. Or maybe the reality is that it’s my own self that’s limiting.

I want to travel, rebuild my family, have loving experiences with my partner, explore new things in life, give my passions and hobbies a shot, laugh with my friends, play with my dogs, and just breathe. 

But instead I’ve been drowning in my own self inflicted misery. Overworked with clients that I failed to set boundaries. Highly triggered with anxieties due to stress and relationship dynamics. Constantly let down by the realities of all the hardships we have to face. No matter how much effort I put, there’s always something waiting on the other side to slam me down again. I’ve devoted my life to self care and attempting to make peace with the world. But fuck, life is relentless. Even days off are hell because no one wants to spend time with me. My partner locks himself away in his office because he’s got his own misery. We’re together because it’s a depressive comfort zone. The friends I once had just use me for emotional support. 

I honestly don’t know how other people do it. Every day I feel more alone and disconnected. My overall goal is just to be happy. But I feel like a slave to this world. My actions more and more centered around pleasing everyone around me. How people see me is a facade. I’ve mastered the art of seeming okay, but really I’m fading away. I need a vacation from it all. Maybe forever.