Hi everyone, anyone who can relate or even has advice, feel free to share. 

I'm lying in bed just depressed and anxious about everything. And feeling distant from my therapist is making it worse :(

Ive been I therapy 4 months and things were going all right. I was making some progress and changing my thoughts, but I've never felt close or really liked the therapist (iI don't dislike her either though-well, maybe a little). 

Yesterday she said something that angered me, and I snapped in therapy. Not anything bad, but I just sat in silence for maybe twenty seconds fuming later. I told her I last session I cheated on my SO years ago, and when she asked me how my day was this time around, I told her I woke up with an eye infection. Her response was to be careful sharing towels with my SO, but if he gets an infection I can always tell him "it's not as bad as an STD."

Now I laughed at the time, but the more I thought about it, it seemed inappropriate. I don't know. I'm at the point where I'm doing the typical bpd thing of not wanting to expose myself and weaknesses to someone who will reject or make fun of me. Even if she did it without thinking. I do not trust therapists with my darkest secrets, and I'm finding her hard to trust now, but my thoughts are I would do this with any therapist, because it's the anxious attachment talking. It's not just the comment, but the way she only wants to talk about light stuff, like how my weekend was. Perhaps she is building up trust, but I cannot get over the hump of actually liking or trusting her some days.

I'm in bad place now. I thought there was some semblance of hope, but after the anger outbursts I don't want to go through this or face her again. It feels like I'm destined to be alone and unbalanced forever because of my anger and weird personality.