(Sorry, just a warning this is kinda long, but I need to get this off my chest) 

I know that might not seem like such a big deal, but I just need to talk about this because I've never told anyone before.

I deal with multiple mental health disorders, including OCD, mild PTSD, panic disorder, depression, and generalized anxiety disorder. And it's very hard for me to make it through the day because I'm always super anxious or worried or sad about something. And for some reason, and I'm not sure if this is a coping mechanism or what, I'm completely obsessed with fiction and fictional characters. I've done it since I was little (like 4 years old. I'm almost 18 now.) I will watch a movie or show or read a book and I will become completely obsessed with that specific show, movie, or book and I will actually absorb the personality of one or more fictional characters. I'm not sure why I do it but I know it helps me with my anxiety because I will completely try to become that fictional character.

This might not seem like such a problem, but I'm afraid it's ruining my life and I don't know who I am. When I get obsessed with these character/s I will try and change everything about myself... my personality, my likes and dislikes, how I look, how I act, etc. I want people to notice I am like that character because I only feel like people understand me or like me if they're connecting me with a fictional character.

.The characters are always good characters, and I think that they're characters I wish I could be. They're always characters I can relate to and I wish I could just be them because I hate myself and I feel like everyone would hate me if they knew who I really was. This is such a problem and I feel so stupid and childish and lonely and this is something I do to cope with my loneliness. I'm just so depressed and I'm only happy when I take on the personality of a fictional character.

When I get obsessed with a work of fiction or a fictional character, that's all I'm thinking about. Like 24/7. I make up fanfiction and sketch characters or creatures from the fictional work I'm obsessed with, I am always watching videos and researching it, and I don't feel happy unless I'm thinking about it.

I've seen a therapist and I am on medication but it isn't helping. Nothing is helping this. I'm not sure what to do and I don't seem normal. I just want to cry or something. I'm so extremely lonely and none of my friends understand me or share my interests and I feel like my only friends are my fictional soulmates.

I'm sorry. That's long. I just really needed to say that because it hurts to keep all that information inside of me. 😥💔