I have been feeling down for roughly 5 months now.
I behave normally in front of my family but on the inside, I feel empty and I don't want them to worry. In front of other people, I know that I look more tired and upset.

I feel like I have symptoms of depression. My sleeping schedule is fucked up, I've lost appetite and interest in things I liked. Basic hygiene like taking a shower or brushing my teeth feels like a chore.
I never really -liked- myself but I have never hated myself that much before.
I have suicidal thoughts, I think about it every day. 
I'm only 19 but I kind of know how and when I'd do it.

I really want to get help, I've already seen a psychologist but it wasn't enough.
I feel like I'm depressed but I don't want to be and I'm scared to be diagnosed if I seek any medical help. 

Anyone else feel the same way? What should I tell to my loved ones? I think that I'm hurting them/becoming toxic by looking upset and sad all the time.

(Sorry if I made any mistakes, I'm French.)