I'm not sure if this is going to be a kind of stream of consciousness thing, so please bear with me; I am typing this before going to bed and going to do some editing to it before I go to bed.

I was groomed. This happened over several friendships, mostly while 14-17, and I have been attempting as best as I can to heal from this - I came to the realization that these things had happened over a year ago, but I feel like I repressed it in a certain sense; I don't feel like it was until this last semester that I truly begin to grapple with this. I've written about it further here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/traumatoolbox/comments/rqbesg/tw\_grooming\_20\_trying\_to\_process\_the\_fact\_that\_i/](https://www.reddit.com/r/traumatoolbox/comments/rqbesg/tw_grooming_20_trying_to_process_the_fact_that_i/)

&amp;#x200B;

It has affected me in many ways, I feel like; in anxiety over friendships and relationships, in fears of being a deeply toxic person for having been in these spaces and the way ive struggled to cope (sometimes even in returning to the people that did these things; thinking it was my fault and I had to appease them to keep them quiet) with this, the way ive failed a lot of people and failed to live in the way I'd like. Lately I've been feeling like I'm just beginning to turn a corner - as if I can say, here, I am truly beginning to say I am better than I was this point last year, and I'm growing - but I've been thrown into anxiety, depression, and fear over being toxic because of these things and traumatizing the people I love and being a bad influence on them in the way that I've been treated.

I'm not sure what to do. I know healing isn't linear... but I feel like a burden to everyone I care about; even in thinking that, I feel like a burden. I want to bring joy to people.

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Has anyone ever struggled like this?