First of I live with my parent rent-free and I'm grateful that I don't have to pay house bills. But I'm mad at myself for being dumb with money when I should be saving up my minimum wage paychecks for future stability..Ofc I can't save much because I have my personal bills to pay, but I should be able to save a little like 10% but I can't seem to even do that. I keep on spending $50-$150 every time I got out. I justify it by saying I need/might need the things I buy when I actually don’t. i.e I don’t need another moisturizer to make my skin smoother. I might have oniomania or hoarding addiction but idk.. I don’t get a high necessarily and I throw away/abandon a lot of what I buy. 
I think I just don’t actually know the value of money because I don’t want to see the future. I want to d*e when I’m asleep every night and maybe unconsciously I want to end up poor and homeless so I could just have a higher chance of never waking up when I close my eyes to sleep.