I made a post about psychosis yesterday - but deleted it. It was a very real scary part of this disorder, spinning out of control and all of a sudden I was disconnected and my stress peaked and my system crashed. 

After most likely my Nmom tried breaking down the door last night - my stress peaked to very unhealthy levels. I had to call my partner and he came over and confirmed I was not crazy - someone did kick my door, there was a massive dent. My mom has done crazy shit like that before. And we spent the rest of the night de-stressing. 

He has narcissism. But he is self-aware, not malignant. He put aside some of his own boundaries we have in place - like sleeping not cuddling together because he knew I needed it. That is how self-aware and how far we both have come. I am very proud of him, and me. I know it’s hard for him to see me like that - it worries him. But I was very, very proud of him. It made me love him that much more.

Anyway:

I knew I needed to find the source of the root cause of the stress, because I couldn’t do that to him again - it was money. I’m stressed about finances. So instead of focusing on dishes, or my growing pile of laundry, I sat down and wrote out my budget - took a break because I panicked for a second 😂

Then I took out a small loan to consolidate my credit cards. I may be paying more in the long run, but it gives me 70$ more to put towards either savings or rent. It’s one step. One small step. But I feel much, much better. I still need to find an apartment cheaper than what I’m paying that would cut my spending in half, haha - but I’m getting there. 

So - my advice? Someone mentioned it to me but I would say to people, find the root cause of your stress, and take it one step at a time. ☺️💜