I was doing so much better. I entered 2020 so positive, honestly I hadn’t felt as content as I did at the end of 2019 in years and years. 
But it all crashed. I fell out badly with my FP, the police case towards my abusive ex amounted to nothing and it was crushing and now my 18 month therapy program is about to end and I feel at the lowest point. 
I don’t feel I have any friends. I was housebound for 3 years and in those years, I feel everyone moved on whereas I’m so stuck. I just want friends to create memories with but everyday is so so so lonely. I go to see friends but they struggle too so it’s often just discussing our issues. I want to make memories, visit places , do things but I’ve never ever felt so alone. I hate myself. I don’t like being in my own company so doing things for myself I hate. I have such bad anxiety. I joined a bunch of groups last year to make friends and honestly didn’t make one. Just stood one like a sore thumb. 
I’ve honestly never felt so alone and falling out with my FP has worsened it. I’d speak everyday now nothing and that relationship won’t heal as it was. The damage has been done and it’s honestly horrible. I feel so alone and I don’t know how long I can keep combatting these dark thoughts. They are so encompassing. :(