Hello, 

I hope whoever is reading this is having a good day. 

I'm just venting here because I don't want to bother my FP right now. 

I don't have an official diagnosis of BPD but my psychiatrist believe I do and we're in the process of diagnosing it. 

So, my recent issue is that my FP has a boyfriend now and ever since she told me I have been going into constant states of depression and mood swings because I feel threatened by her boyfriend, what if she slowly leans more towards him than me? I don't have anyone else besides her not even family, and when she leaves me hanging on the call to talk to him I start feeling neglected, if she doesn't respond within 5-6 hours I start thinking that I'm being ignored and my anxiety sets on, I feel stupid for having these thoughts. I'm extremely happy for her as she is moving on with her life after having a bad heartbreak but the more she is with him the more depressed I feel because my time with her now is becoming less and less.

The other day I had a panic attack and I called her, 20 minutes into the call and she tells me she has to hang up to go talk to him and I got hurt so bad, I didn't say anything because I don't even know if my feelings are correct or I'm being dramatic. I don't want to tell her because I don't want to freak her out or scare her away, as you can notice I have severe abandonment issues and traumatic childhood neglect from a parent and she was there to help me through it all. 

I want to move on from this phase, I don't want to be obsessed with her. I love her so much I don't want to scare her away.