genuinely, genuinely can't fucking live with myself, I compare myself to people all the time, I'm failing in school, I've dissapointed people around me, but everyone fucking loves me and I don't see why. I can't live with my past regrets and mistakes and my mum and family are in agony seeing me like this, as much as it pains me aswell. I feel so inferior to other people around me, i feel stupid, I feel worthless but people tell me how much of a good person I am. I feel like I'm being tormented. My family found out that I didn't know if I wanted to believe in religion or not and that upset them even more, I've lost weight before but gained even more back, all I do is stay at home and not eat and not sleep. I get highs and lows all the damn time and it kills me. I feel like no one thinks like me or has done what I did, I feel like an alien. I want to kms but at the same time, I don't want this to be the life that I had lived, I don't want my mum to pass away and not be proud of her son, I don't want to die and have people come to my funeral and feel sorry for me becuase I feel like the biggest piece of shit. I literally can't stand myself, I hate the way I am. I feel disconnected from reality and people, it's honestly debilitating. I keep repeating same behaviours and idk how much more I can take of it. no matter how much people give me advice or try to calm me down, nothing works.