Title might've been a bit confusing, but let me try to explain... 

When I'm feeling insecure for whatever reason, there's a part of me that frantically tries to figure out how to remedy that perceived insecurity. If I think my SO is losing interest, for example, the reaction is immediately "How do I get him to like me?" I scan my brain for attributes his exes had. I think about what's deficient about me. It gets really perverse to the point where I start thinking "If only I could be more outgoing and more slim and more effortlessly cool and know more underground bands..." but then of course I would just be AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PERSON.

I'm sure this is connected with the whole "lack of stable identity" symptom too. I never act on it, fortunately, but I hate even having that eager beaver voice in the back of my head getting all pumped for changing who I am just because I think it MIGHT make someone like me more. I hate that desperation. 

Does anyone else here experience this? How do you let go of that "I'll do whatever I can to make you like me!" school of thought?