He's snoring away right now. Had to say no multiple times to touching and fucking, only kisses allowed. Because I know nothing means the same to him as to me. 

I can't be with him again, it tore me apart how Im just another friend who he gets laid with, I had an episode must be a month ago where I told him that my feeling were closer to love and he didn't speak to me for 2weeks. We became friends again but I quit the benefit off fwb. Now I have to say no to every drunken question, reaffirm the boundary when he probably doesn't even remember my name, but I want it all. I want to kiss, I want to touch, I want to feel and love.... but its just so unbalanced that I've to cut it from the root.

I want to cry but I say no. I want to scream but I laugh and shake his hands off. Now I lay alone 3 feet from his bed, repeating to myself this is for the best even if it fucking hurts.