Been diagnosed with BPD since the age of 18 and I’m now 27 so it’s been almost 10 years since being diagnosed. I have been prescribed as many as 7 different medications over the course of time and nothing has helped but only worsened my manic behavior and made me absolutely suicidal. In fact, back in 2016 I was prescribed Venlafaxine by my PCP and I actually tried killing myself because of it. I haven’t been to therapy since I was 17 and that is because I’ve issues with Mental Health specialists and constantly being gaslit. Since my incident being on Venlafaxine and bad experiences with doctors for the last few years I have stopped bothering trying to get help and treatment. The last few years, my BPD has gotten significantly worse and recently, I have been trying to get help and treatment. I think I should also add, after taking a few college classes for Psychology, I did learn that BPD is something that cannot be treated with SSRIS. Which I should add, it makes a lot sense now. Anyway, I found a doctor in hopes that I could get the help I need only for him to just want to immediately medicate me. I did inform him of my past with SSRIs and told him I do not want to be prescribed them. So instead, he prescribed me a mood stabilizer and Mitrazapine for sleep. Mind you: I had not been prescribed or given any mood stabilizers before and I had my doubts. Well after taking the medication prescribed to me for a month, I am convinced Mood stabilizers are a joke. I feel no difference even on a higher dose and feel like dog crap physically. The Mitrazapinr also knocked me on my ass for 15 hours despite what time I took it and when I would wake up, my whole body felt like it was hit by a bus. I called the doctor and he told me it was odd I was experiencing those side effects and he told me to stop taking them immediately. Then proceeded to prescribe me Trazodone for sleep which I told him before that it only ever kept me wide awake. He told me I should try a higher dose and I did but guess what? I was wide awake all night. Is this common? Is there something wrong with my body? I just feel like nobody wants to help me recover and just wants me drugged.