I've been recently put on antidepressants and they've begun to make me feel very uncaring towards everything around me. I now feel like everything in my life is meaningless and feel like i am just a tiny spec in the universe. But it goes further than this, and I'm beginning to feel like i am part of a whole that is unseen to me or anyone else. I can't explain what it is exactly but I've begun to believe that everything that exists is linked to some degree and I now feel like death is not what people fear it to be, in that I believe eventually I will be born as me again. I believe that reality as we know it is all happening at the same moment and that time is just a construct of the mind. Everything is relative and we are all linked together is a cosmic storm that cannot be broken. And so killing myself, I believe, would just be setting my consciousness free and what makes me myself will become one again, some infinite years away, by some small miniscule miracle it'll happen again. And I believe this not because it seems like it'll happen soon, but because infinity dictates in my mind it must eventually happen again. And again. For infinity and forever. And so nothing matters, and my death does not matter. My life doesn't. My thoughts don't matter. The way we view the universe is so wrong and so confined to our perception of things, when we should all just let it be free and realise the universe does not care for put views. The rules are not rules. Things are not things. Nothing exists in the same moment that everything does. We are all infinite and we are all one tiny miniscule part of something so unimaginably large and yet so unimaginably small. We are all one.

And so the issue I now have with this view of everything is that I have no issue with killing myself. I don't want to do it, but I now feel like it's a valid option for me. And it feels like this belief is ever growing and crushing in on me and my mind as if creeping up on me. Like it's ready to come and get me. And I'm beginning to feel like it was always meant to be this way because its something that has happened an infinite amount of times before. And I want it to happen. But I could do anything. Because none of this is anything. Nothing is real, it's just stuff. Just nonsense stuff doing things for no reason at all. And so I can do things and be stuff if I want to. Just do nothing and be particles and rot. And that would be how I am until I am me again, all at once over and over and over forever and ever. But idk. I'm not sure what to think anymore.