Hi, i don't know where to start or how exactly to explain everything that im feeling correctly but i just feel so lost. I have felt for a while now that i might have quiet BPD. I dont want to self diagnose or have anyone try to diagnose me, i think maybe just looking for some advice or perspective. I constantly feel trapped in my head constantly fighting if im thinking logical or not and its exhausting sometimes. I have done some research for a while now and i do relate to a lot of BPD symproms but more of the quiet BPD. I known for years i turn everything inward no matter what im feeling and no matter how angry i am. I even will push all that aside even if im currently feeling all that if a friend/partner/or family member needs first. I feel like im constantly ripping myself apart and if i feel too okay i will quickly find something to make myself upset, worried, or guilty even if i feel like i logically know im blowing up to hurt myself. Im constantly feel im fighting so many intrusive thoughts and i hate it. I also feel these symptoms more in my realtionship i feel like im so much more sensitive than i remembered and sometimes i get angry or upset if he doesn't say or do what i what i imagined or envisioned in my head (hopefully that makes some sense haha). I feel so guilty sometimes afterwards. Even though im feeling those things i dont get mad at him or bring it up easily. He tries to help me bringing my concerns and i try but i also feel like or they actually concerns or is my brain just making things a big deal. I also feel like if i tell him what im upset about i will make him start to feel like he is walking on eggshells like how i do in so many apsects of my life and i do not want that at all. He is such a good boyfriend, so damn supportive and he wants to help me the best he can but i know i need to figure this out before i can even fogure out to explain to him what i need. I feel stuck because i can't get insurance as of right now and im moving next year and my life will have a little less chaos and stress so i can fully focus on figuring this out which is what intend to do. I guess i want to ask is there anything i can do in the meantime? Thank you for taking the time to read this and im so sorry if its so long.