I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and persistent depressive disorder. So far it's been kicking me in the ass. I can't grasp the fact that I'm sick, and it's not just me having a bad personality and being lazy. 

So I want to cut myself. I want a physiological or visible reminder that something is wrong with me, that I'm not just lazy or a cruel person. I tried, once. It was a very shallow cut. And the fact I can't even do it right makes me feel even worse.

I don't know what I'm trying to achieve by posting so uhm know any psych help (in the Philippines)? or suggestions how to effectively cut yourself? I'll appreciate either help.