I absolutely hate this diagnosis. I absolutely hate this thing in my head. As a man with it it just feels like it is swept under the rug when I Google it. Anyway, my relationship with my GF/ex GF is rocky. One minute I want to pull her close and listen intently with all of my being. The next I want her gone and I absolutely hate listening to her bitch and complain about every little aspect of her life. When this hits it's peak, I leave. I dump her. 2 days to a week later I can't stand being alone anymore and I bring her back. I'm scared of her being gone forever and how I'll be alone forever. Guess what? 2 days ago I left her. Now I'm debating if I want her back or not. This is the third time, we've been dating for 6 months.

I am in therapy now, have been for a few months. I'm trying to change my behavior and my reactions when I hit my peak but it's wearing on me. The thought of suicide is there of course but I have no intention of acting on it. 

I guess I'm just wondering, how do I stop/limit this push pull tendency? How do I keep myself from throwing away everything when I get a little activated? This is a throwaway account so that's good at least. 

Tl;dr: I keep leaving my GF whenever I get a little upset about my life or hers. This is the 3rd time. How do I control myself at peak emotion?