I feel content, at the very least and there are moments where I’m happy. I laugh and joke and appear normal to people, maybe a little awkward but that’s besides the point. 

I’m struggling with my weight, I’m 6’2 and 280lbs, down from 312lbs after a few months of forcing myself to do the right thing, but I fell off the wagon and went right back to my old toxic self.

But what people don’t know is that I like to sit in a dark room and have 0 human contact, I just like to play my Xbox and not be bothered, I hate formal settings and feel very out of place at my university. I struggle to concentrate a lot. 

My room is a mess, I live on McDonald’s and other awful food, I sit in bed surrounded by takeout food boxes and wallow in my own filth. I don’t take care of myself like I once did, I don’t have the energy anymore. Sometimes I go a few days without a shower and this just makes me feel worse.

But the thing is I’m not suicidal or anything, I don’t self harm etc, I have a fiancée who cares about me and a one year old son who I love, unfortunately I’m an awful father and don’t do as much as I should. I feel like the laziest sack of shit in the world and I know it isn’t normal. 

I’m just looking for advice and to rant.