My dad has a classic car. Growing up my brothers each got a classic car and rebuilt with my dad. I also got one but due conversational issues me and my dad did not get along well, so I did not finish my car until I as in college (was suppose to be for high school). 

I finished an automotive degree and sold my car at a discount to my parents so I could move and buy tools. The point of them buying it was so I could eventually buy it back. Past three years I have lived in an area where I wouldn’t even be able to keep the car, so I did not mind it.

Long story short I switched career paths and now live at home. I see this car everyday. I love driving the car. It gives a sense of self worth. I can listen to my music loud and it gives me a unique feeling. I have low self esteem and usually am never noticed. I like driving the car because I do get noticed. It’s a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. 

I am not allowed to drive the car. It just sits there until I can buy it back. Which will not be for a long time since I am going back to school for computer engineering. My parents will never use it. They have no attachment to it other than it’s value. They also do not understand mental illness and why it means so much to me. They say part of growing up is accepting decisions, which is true. 

I guess one side of me hates them because it makes me feel happy now. Like, I could get it in the future. By what if there is not future. Just let me enjoy it now while I am young, while I have the opportunity. I am struggling really hard now with depression and I get an instant smile when I drive it.

On the other hand I also see they did not have to buy it from me. And they are insuring it and paying registration which they wouldn’t have to do either. But they catered to this feeling as a child. Gave me interest in this car and hen they are the only things standing in my way of it. Other than 6 grand.

It’s fucking with my head. Is it selfish to want to drive it now even though I technically sold it to them?