For context, I (25F) have been doing a lot of self-development over the last year, which has included doing things out of my comfort zone as a way to combat my GAD that I was diagnosed with 10 years ago.

Rewind to a few months back where a work friend of mine asks if I would be happy to house sit and look after her dog while she goes on holiday for two weeks during the summer holidays (we both work in education). Now my initial thought to this was that I didn’t really want to do it. I didn’t want to be pinned down to someones house and someones dog. But part of me felt guilty at the thought of saying no. I didn’t have any plans going on during those first two weeks of the holidays so coming up with a reason to not do it felt like the easy option. I also felt that in the spirit of doing things out of my comfort zone it would be a good thing to do so….I agreed. I’d met the dog before and have my own dogs at home so don’t feel like a complete novice. And while the dog I’d be looking after is much more excitable than my small, lazy pups, I felt that it would be doable to look after her.

So six days ago I came to my work friends house for the first time and was initially struck by how messy the house was. Not just messy but….dirty. It’s also a very small house that is incredibly dark but I decided to remain positive and told myself it wouldn’t be that bad. We went on a walk with the dog and everything seemed a-okay.

Yesterday I go to my friend’s house and everything all of a sudden just hits me and I am in fight or flight mode. I am at a house that I don’t want to be in, with a dog that I don’t want to look after (so turns out this dog is a bit mental as she is a collie x sprocker), for two whole weeks. I ended up calling my Mum because I was in such a flap and not able to even think straight about what I should do. Together her and I have come up with a plan but I just feel so overwhelmed. The dog doesn’t have to be looked after constantly 24/7 so I’m leaving her at home on her own for a couple of hours so I can have a break at my own house, and tonight we are going to test out bringing her to my house and whether she gets along with my dogs so we can bring her here.

It all sounds like the situation is near enough sorted and I’m lucky enough to have a Mum that is willing to help me when these situations happen, but I cannot shake the anxiety it’s created in me. Anxiety is very physical for me so I am completely off my food, my heart is POUNDING, I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat and the thought of having to do anything with this dog on my own feels absolutely terrifying. I don’t really know why I’m putting this on here - maybe just for words of encouragement or advice idk. I just feel hugely incapable and like a failure tbh.