So I tend to do this thing. Which is not getting much better, since I guess I have a significant other. Got some jealousy issues already, but for good reason. Also just a really bad feeling that I was right the whole time and made a mistake trusting him? Anyone else feel that way sometimes?

Anyway.... basically, he's going to hang out with someone that I'm not comfortable with. Which he knows, and he's lied to me multiple times about her... already, and it hasn't even been a month.

I've been struggling with eating. Common theme in my life. He made a point to tell me to have dinner and tell him what I had or whatever, and I guess I feel so spiteful(?) that I'm willing to punish myself by acting on symptoms. Not like I'd even tell him, but it would make me feel better, I guess?

I do this a lot so it's not just this. I do it with family and friends as well, and like I said, they never know. I'm only hurting myself. I'm guessing that's bad? Just thinking about it in terms of BPD, what symptom is that because it needs to be eliminated from my life obviously!

Any help/advice would definitely be appreciated! Because I don't want it to be like this. I actually want this to work, for once. I don't want to mess this up by being crazy. (I know I shouldn't say that word. I'm just really upset.)