I've been close friends with her for 2 years I was her only "real friend" she trusted and I guess her "FP". 

She started being always passive aggressive, controlling and bossy and totally not like herself when we first met. We got into a huge argument 3 months ago and I just snapped. I heavily criticized her behavior and insulted her, she was in disbelief as I had never acted this way and was always kind, quiet and understanding but she really just pushed me to my limits and I just exploded.  I admit I take responsibility for my toxic rage but it just felt like I was being heavily devalued and being pushed into a corner until I couldnt take it anymore and this was when I never understood what BPD was until much later.

Anyways 2 weeks later she messaged me out of rage and said she doesnt want to be friends anymore after I said those nasty things about her and then deleted / blocked me and cut off all contact 2 weeks later. She literally cut her self off from the rest of the world and deleted a lot of mutual friends we have in common, stopped doing things we use to do a lot together like playing online games and now hides 'offline' on all her social media /gaming accounts but I've heard from friends shes still active "secretly" but does things alone and talks to no one. 

I'm just wondering what she must be going through right now and why she is behaving this way? Is there any chance of reconciliation or am I painted black for life? I know what I did is probably unforgivable and she most likely will never trust me again but I do genuinely care about this person and had I had a better understanding of what BPD is I would definitely have been more understanding.