I wake up and feel empty. The only time I feel like I'm actually living is when I'm asleep. I have nothing going on in my life. I feel like I'm such a shitty person. I haven't done anything with my life.

I sit here for hours every morning trying to find a reason to function but I can never find one. I've done everything I could to change things. I workout, I do cardio, I keep my house clean, I eat well. I can't really socialize anymore. That feels like a mountain I cannot climb. I try but it's so debilitating that I've given up, I'm only capable of so much.

If I don't have to go to work I usually try to just lay in bed as long as I can to get the day to go by. Usually around 5 I feel a bit better and then try to cram a days worth of stuff into the day before I have to go to sleep. This is almost daily for me.

I don't want to interact with anyone anymore. I'm so exhausted. I hate feeling like this and being like this because I have no reason to. But when I tell myself that I just feel worse. everything makes me feel worse. If I try to think positive, I just remember how negative I feel and that I shouldn't because I should be grateful, and then it makes me feel shame for feeling this way. If I think negative, it just gets worse. I can't keep this up. It's gotten so much worse.

I don't have any way out of this and it feels like I'm in a feedback loop that is just getting worse.