This third time writing this forgive me im crying while writing this. 

I 19m found out last month i had bpd. Ever since then my life has been real fucking great. I had my first big breakdown 2 weeks ago aand said hurtful things to my gf. She wont even speak to me anymore. About 3 friends followed her and ditched me. It was my fault.

Today i had a big breakdown and pushed away my bff. She was like a sister to me. Im so fucking scared. I just want to end this nightmare already. Im seriously thinking about walking into the woods and killing myself..It hurts so much. She was my parachute and now im free falling.

I just need advice. Im so scared. I feel like Jekyll and hyde. I cant afford therapy.