I’m a 19F, and I’ve been in a few relationships—exclusively with other women. I always seem to ruin every relationship, and I don’t mean to. I’ve been with this lovely girl for 2 years and a few months now, but she wants to take a break. I don’t blame her. Last year, we were in a rocky spot. I kept going through these “episodes” where I would get so angry at things she did in the past that made me jealous. I would break things off and then basically go and sext guys. But I’m not even attracted to men. I would immediately feel guilt afterwards and beg for us to be okay again. I don’t know why I did it, and I can’t even begin to explain because I feel like the person who did those things wasn’t me. My gf (ex-gf?) constantly thinks about what I’ve done and can’t get over it. I don’t blame her. She has tried to talk about it with me, but I can never give her answers because I just don’t remember what happened—memory wise, it feels like I blacked out? I feel like there are two of me. This other version of me only comes out when I’m extremely enraged or jealous. I wish I could fix things. I feel like such a toxic person, but at the same time I feel like it’s not my fault even though it technically is entirely. I feel so awful for hurting her.