I was diagnosed with unipolar depression around 7 years ago, but I have felt what is commonly described as major depression for as long as I can remember. I am in my late 20s/male.

Around then, I sought CBT and was prescribed various kinds of medication over about a year. However the medication made me feel mentally stunted and altogether worse, and I don't think the therapists understood me, so I stopped treatment and haven't undertaken any since then. 

I have wanted to die for years, however I will never kill myself no matter how bad I feel, because I know that my feelings are not actually real as they only exist in my head, and killing myself would cause issues to those who know me. 

For years now, the depression has become more a lack of any feelings rather than feeling "bad". I am also very career-oriented. So given that I don't really care for things outside work, I figured I had a way "around" the depression, if I just focused on work and being productive. 

I don't think it makes sense for someone in my situation to associate with others as it is difficult to hide that something is wrong, so I keep to myself. I got used to just working and keeping to myself, so I don't feel lonely or anything like that, so for a few years it was sufficient given the situation.

But over the last year or so, I have experienced much stronger brain fog, confusion, headaches, severe lethargy, aches and pains, etc that are now interfering with my work.

At present, I am still doing good at work and able to fulfill and exceed what is expected of me, but I know I can do better, like I used to be able to do.

I thought it was lifestyle related, so I eat well and I go to the gym 2-3 times a week. I used to go more frequently, but I have little energy to do so now. I am fairly well built, however I feel exhausted a lot of the time, and when I do go to the gym, I feel weak and tired despite trying to push it.

Is there likely something else going on here, or could this be the depression progressing? I know depression can alter brain structure long-term. I am trying to book a general checkup but in the past, nothing was found to be wrong with me, although I am not sure the healthcare workers understood what I was trying to say.

I am not aiming to be "cured" because I am not sure if it is possible, as I have always been like this. I just want to perform as well as I used to be able to.

Thanks,