Lately I've been pretty good at keeping my mood swings under control. At least to the point where they didn't do any harm to my relationship. It's been much harder due to all the stress related with school work as stress makes me even more sensitive to real and imaginary changes in behaviours and fuels my irrational thoughts. Still, I'd say in the past 2 weeks I managed well.

However, just a couple of minutes ago my bf sent wrote to me about something completely unrelated to Anything from what we'd been talking about previously, skipping over all the things I said.

And so now I'm here, shaking with rage while also feeling like I have to cry because of this uneasy feeling in my stomach, thoughts along the lines of "he doesn't even care about what I tell him, he can't even be bothered to reply or at least say he'll do it after he wakes up (he's working super early morning shifts since a week ago and it pretty messed up our communication system a bit), he can only be bothered to text about this *stupid goddamn topic I don't even care about!!!* How can this be more important than *anything* I've said? Does he not care about me anymore? DOes he not like me anymore? Is he getting tired of me? *What is even the point of telling him anything if he just jumps topics like that?* " ... I managed not to reply to him all in caps and pretty calmly, given my current state, but in short, I hate my brains, I hate his stupid ass, I hate *everything* rn.