
I went through something very traumatic 
Sexual assault to be exact and before that sexual abuse and after that everything changed.
I have a lot of trouble with my emotions.
They seem like they are always intense and like I’m on a rollercoaster.
I am fine for a few hours and then the next I’m feeling completely angry or sad.
I get intense waves of sadness, loneliness, boredom, and emptiness 
If something bad happens I instantly become self destructive and suicidal.
friends just Changing their minds on talking to me for awhile makes me become really impulsive and then I get worrying thoughts about harming myself because I feel like the person I love doesn’t want me anymore and that they will just get tired of me and disappear.
I will do anything for the people I love even if it means harming myself.
It’s like I deserve to be punished so I should punish myself in whatever way possible.
I will think they hate me or I did something wrong or that they don’t want to be in my life anymore.
So when I think that I end up feeling hatred for them and it’s horrible because it lasts for awhile and my whole attitude is just really rude during the time.
I would have issues where I would think very highly of a friend out of a friend group like they are completely perfect and they can do nothing wrong then they would do something that wasn’t in favor of me. 
 if they were to cancel on me  I would think they were being rude and that they didn’t like me and how they weren’t trustworthy.
I would think they were basically leaving me and it hurt because it’s like I would never do that to them but here they are doing it to me.  
 I would self harm in some type of way because of the way I was feeling.
It still happens and I don’t know how to handle it
It just feels like I’m spiraling out of control.
I go from okay to planning on how to kill myself.
 i get horrible waves of 
emptiness, sadness and anger.
Other times I feel so happy like overly happy and like everything is perfect.
I feel very motivated and like I’m on top of the world but These feelings don’t last for weeks they happen throughout the day and week so it’s really confusing.
I become self destructive just because someone doesn’t text me back or the tone in their voice is different.
I experience feelings of being repulsed by sex too and I think that’s because of the event that happened but then I become really sexual and wanting to have sex that could put me in danger for validation.
I don’t act on it because well I really just can’t.  it causes me a lot of stress because I get constant thoughts about sex.
 it starts to affect me and what I do because I’m thinking about it all the time.
It’s hard to explain it but I will literally do anything to get a person to stay with me 
I’m so scared of being alone 
Throughout my whole life I’ve been abused and felt alone.
I probably come off as manipulative but I will take any type of treatment just because I don’t want a person to leave me
All my emotions are heightened for me 
Something that is considered small to others is a big deal for me 
I put myself in dangerous situations just for validation 
I really don’t know how to explain it but I hope this is good enough 
But it feels like it’s all in my head