I’ve always been a bit of a worrier - I remember my mum telling me that I used to panic at seemingly “small things”. Since my last couple years at couple, however, it definitely became noticeable. 

School left a mark. I didn’t turn up much in my final year and left just before my 16th birthday. I’m 33 in August and I still haven’t been able to fully escape it, and I’m absolutely fed up of it. 

Whilst this is a vent post, I’m happy for any advice from you guys that help you! I mean, literally just 10 minutes ago, a thought entered my head about someone potentially not liking me at work. I genuinely don’t care too much of this person, yet I’m here panicking about it? Then I start not feeling good enough and it just goes to pot. It’s baffling. It’s boring. 

The not good enough thing happens a lot. That started from school. I wasn’t physically bullied, but I let them in mentally - which I haven’t recovered from. 

I’ve had alot of things fail/end because of it. I don’t let people in, I want to feel in control of myself so I push people away, or react in a bad way when I feel “banter” might be too much for me. 

Excuse if this makes less sense than it should. My brain ain’t great.