Tw: will mention anxiety triggers, sh




I struggled with social and academic anxiety for years now and it recently started to get more severe. My parents put me in therapy about 5 months ago and my therapist put in a referral for their psychiatrist to call me to set up an appointment to get medication before the fall semester of college. And they never reached out or set up an appointment after numerous attempts to set one up because my parents were worried I’ll freak out during college. 

I started college over a week ago, still no medication. I can’t attend therapy due to the distance and the one day my therapist can meet is on my most packed day. I can’t do therapy over the phone because I feel uncomfortable talking on the phone with another person. The therapists here are horrible and I have no access to anything else. I have been having panic attacks nearly every night and spend most of my time in the corner of my dorm freaking out. I can’t do a simple assignment without overthinking it and spiraling out of control. I haven’t been eating, haven’t been able to sleep and I’m embarrassing myself in front of my roommate because In her eyes I just seem like a baby. 

I’ve been having these urges to hurt myself as a “punishment” for being dumb. Hitting myself, pinching myself until I bleed and having an urge to break bones (been preventing that though). I feel so stressed out and it’s only syllabus week. I freak out being around people and in a social space, I freak out thinking about school work. I’m afraid I don’t belong, that I can’t handle it and it makes me so frustrated because I never felt like this before. I have very little friends and even the friends I do have, I’ve been distancing myself because they don’t understand nor really care about what I’m going through. 

I’m just afraid and so alone.