So I am newly diagnosed and still figuring things out. I have been on Latuda now for almost two months, my dose increased about 4 days to 40mg from 20mg. 

I swear this drug is making me hypomanic but I just can't tell. I do know it's not preventing hypomania that's for sure. 

Before I started I was pretty sure I was in a level state (kinda in a healing reflective state after a ywar of manic/hypo/mixed/depression). Within two days of starting my mood got happier and productivity went up. I vibed in there along with some spikes into racing thoughts, irritability and panic attacks. My dose went up and I slept hard (11 hours) and felt great. Then I went up again and feel amazing. The list of things I can do in a day is even BIGGER. But I am also trying to find ways to spend all my savings and almost bought an iPad last night (currently living on social services so that would have been my hard saved for emergency funds). 

I really enjoy how this feels, esp since the irritability seems mostly gone. I am planning on starting photography again, writing a book for nanaowrimo, exercising every day, getting more tattoos and a piercing, doing an drawing class, decorating my house, getting nicer clothes because I deserve nice things too....

If I can figure out a way to stop the spending and the desire for sex this would be great. Normally this time of year I am a stressed, anxious, irritable mess. Just in time to crash for Christmas. But I am not getting my crash is coming symptoms so this may last all winter which would be super exciting.  November to March/April is my sad times.

Anyways. I have an appt on Friday with new psychiatrist who is part of the intensive outpatient therapy program I am enrolled in.  I am scared he will do something and take away my happy mood. I don't wanna lose it. I don't want to be sad and depressed. But my logic brain says if I can find a way to tone it down just a wee bit that might be good. So that I don't go broke (or more broke as it is). 

Is it OK to try to stay hypomanic? Level was so boring and not productive. And it's not like they are going to get my meds correct right away anyways. Right now I am in good spirits and want to do something fun. I have enough energy to do the should-do's and want-to's. 

Anyways, I have been up and then upper occasionally, then crash back to up. And my up level seems a bit higher (and more expensive) since I got the higher dose. And that iPad sure does look pretty, and all the cool things I could do on it. I could be really productive and even get my life organized for once with it, and the colors are so pretty! But yeah. I don't become psychotic and delusional, although last winter I had some sort of mixed episode where I massively paranoid, unhappy and borderline wanted to take myself out. And the highest I got saw me dating 3 people at once and setting up an only fans (but not posting content!) before I crashed. So nothing too bad overall, semi manageable except for when I wanted to die but that was just occasional intrusive thoughts and I would not do it because I have kids to be here for. 

Yeah. Rereading this I may have racing thoughts too. Anyways, what do you think? Imma go do some square breathing and have a shower to chill out.