I just need space say I'm upset and avoiding my "petty" thoughts of "it's unfair" because I know there is so much in my power, fucking sucks...I'm unwell. The whole point is that it is SO HARD to do that for myself. I'm hurting and I need space for that rather than stuffing down my throat that it's unhelpful and I'm not doing enough. Let me fucking hurt. PLEASE, please give me that space. I'm scared and don't have anyone who I can ask to be that kind of helpful support. Those i do have... if I show what the pain looks like just worry about me and think I'm less capable, hysterical, and they start imposing what they think I need. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HEAR ME, PLEASE. I'm deteriorating again, backsliding with little hope... I want to be allowed to feel pain...fuck I'm scared and resentment is building. I can't keep it going like this and I'm abruptly wanting to drop a lot of shit that was supposed to be helping but has done little if not undermine my wellbeing. No real structure to this post, I'm sorry, and I'm gonna shit on myself so much for not using skills to regulate and doing reframes or referring to my safety plan... the whole point is that hasn't been able to consistently help me when the turmoil has been shut out. I shut down and it's basically game over...