I guess this is more of a vent than anything but i really hate my birthday. Somehow it’s the most traumatic day of the year and i think it’s because even if nothing bad has happened recently i’m still so sad when everyone expects and wants me to be happy. I just can’t put the past behind me whether it’s childhood parties where i was upset or actually traumatic things that happened at this time of year.

I need to properly talk to my therapist about it but from being pretty recovered to feeling the worst i have in years i just don’t understand it all. Suddenly i feel 17 and like there’s no way out again cause of one stupid day. Not sure if this is a BPD thing about confronting getting older or just a me thing.