Hello everyone. Im a 18 year old girl. I was diagnosed with bpd some months ago and I struggle a lot with impulsivity. I hurt myself a lot, because i feel like i want to die. I feel like i bother everyone and everyone's life would be better without me. I kniw there's people around me that loves me but i also cant help but think that they would get over my death and move on with their lives, so its not big deal if i die. Im so tired of feeling lonely, empty, hopeless. I dont know whats wrong with me. These feelings invade my mind and make me feel like im the worst person on earth and that i dont deserve to exist. Its exhausting, im exhausted. Everyone keeps talking to me about how life is good and i need to enjoy things but i just cant. Every time i have a good day, i end up crying at night because of a mood swing. Its exhausting.
I tried to kill myself by taking a bunch of pills, it didnt work and im stuck at the hospital, they wont let me go. I want to go home. I wont try to kill myself again, i promise. But i also feel terrible. I want to cry. I want to scream, i want to hurt myself. I hate myself. I need help, someone help me.