Well, I've done it again. I don't even like typing this because it feels *so* narcissistic to say, but it seems to happen every time.

So the guy I'm with now, we've been together since August, long distance until a couple days ago when he drove halfway across the country twice to help me move all my stuff. I already don't know how to deal with the guilt of someone doing things for me, let alone big things like this. 

Today, he was super sad in the morning, he said he wasn't sure why, but it started with him talking about how he forgot to pick a game for this group he was a part of. They messaged him right before Christmas, which he spent with his family, then driving with me, so he was very busy and forgot to respond. Totally human, but he's very hard on himself! He also missed a couple messages yesterday from 2 of his best online friends, and I think he also felt bad about that. He's a very good friend to people. I can't relate, I only have one friend and we barely talk when we're not living in the same city. I don't make friends online at all, and well, that's the only option right now.

He was so sad, and I think it was from feeling like a bad friend, and all I could think was that it was my fault. I comforted him and didn't tell him I felt that way cause I didn't make it about me, but it was hard because all I could think was, "here I go again, my presence causing a guy to isolate himself and just spend time with me and then he'll hate me later for it and be miserable." We spent all last night having lots of kinky sex (not bragging, just one of the ways we are super compatible) and cuddling, so he didn't spend hours sitting on discord like usual. 

I don't mean to do this! I never ask him not to hang out with friends, I never interrupt him when he's playing games with friends, I don't even tell him to not go on his phone when we hang out. He just does those things because he really wants to spend that time with me. I'm his first girlfriend in a while and he definitely idolizes me, but I just see myself as someone who is going to destroy him. And I don't want to, he's awesome - he gets on with everyone, is very emotionally supportive, and is super outgoing, and I fell in love with all that. And now, he cried because I ruin people's lives...it's happened with like every guy I've been with long term except 1.

I feel like I'm...addictive, or something? That sounds super arrogant, but I don't mean it in a good way. I mean it in a "wreck your life" way, like meth. I feel like I should just never date anyone to save the world from me. 

Has anyone felt something similar before? Do you think we are "addictive"?