Venting here because I don't really know what else to do with my time honestly. Over the years, I have gotten pretty functional and less and less focused on romantic relationships, Fps, really any ups and downs at all. Unfortunately this has massively added to my boredom and once in a blue moon, I feel bored enough to try again.

I started talking to a new person online who knows a ton of my friends and we quickly started talking every day. They're a poet and super super cute and enables all my obsession etc. I made plans to go see them in the city where they live at the end of the month and they agreed, and obviously I've been excited for days and just feeling so inspired and so fuzzy. Probably due to my complete lack of allowing any of this sort of energy into my life in general. I even used it as a tool to get sober, wanting to be sober when I get there.

You already know where this is going. Suddenly canceling, even with this many weeks in advance, and I feel like someone shot me. I can't stop crying and dissociating. Maybe they were just enabling me to see how far it could go, I don't know. 

I wish most days I could be rid of this place, I so wish my parents had made a better choice than having a baby while addicted to meth.

Stay safe everyone.