I guess I've had anxiety all my life.  Growing up I was always told it was normal, it was just butterflies in my stomach when I was doing something new or out of my comfort zone, etc.  I guess I just didn't know any better and it wasn't bad enough that any of my family or others I was around regularly were able to really pick up on.  

But what I was told were butterflies in my stomach always felt worse and I truly dreaded activities that brought about those feelings.

I took a job in my early 20s which while I loved it, was very isolating from other people and left me alone in my own little world.  My anxiety spiraled out of control.  Every morning I would wake up feeling nauseous and full of worry.  It would follow me on and off throughout the day.   I oftentimes avoided eating because if I had a panic attack there was less of a chance of things getting so bad that I threw up.  It really took a toll on my health and finally a family member recognized something was wrong and that I really was dealing with anxiety.  

It got so bad that I couldn't leave the house.  The thought of any kind of commitment, social interaction, etc., would fill me full of dread, and shortly before an activity (and sometimes during that activity) I would often feel so nauseous that I would throw up, along with a racing heart beat, a "tingling" feeling all over my body, and a kind of fog that would cloud my judgement.  First the doctor, then a therapist - neither of these offered any real solution to my problem.  My doctor eventually put me in touch with a psychiatrist who was able to help find some medication (Paxil) that for the first time in months made it possible for me to live a somewhat normal life.

I started a new job and was able to get back into the swing of things, still fighting a panic attack from time to time but for the majority of my routine I feel fine.  Certain situations that are way out of my comfort zone still bring out that retching cough/nausea, but it's rare.

However, anxiety still has a good hold on me.  It's prevented me from moving my career forward, played a part in costing me a relationship, and I'm sick of it.  It makes dating incredibly difficult, and I've recently met someone new who I could really see pursuing a relationship with, but I worry my lack of sex drive (thanks to the Paxil) may cause some issues there, along with the other things that come along with a new relationship that cause the nauseous part of my anxiety to really flare up.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place because without medication my anxiety gets so debilitation that I cannot live a normal life.  I don't have the ability to to take a month off work/the rest of life and experiment with different medications or anything like that.  It really sucks because even the medication that I do take doesn't get rid of the worst of the anxiety when it really gets going.  I'm in my early 30s now and I just worry that this is going to be something I end up fighting with for the rest of my life, and I will be missing out on so much of what life has to offer because I'm always trying to avoid doing anything that makes the anxiety get really bad.

I can deal with the racing heartbeat, the chills, the general shittiness that comes with it, but the nausea/vomiting sometimes when things get rough completely shuts me down.