I've been told to wait and things will get better you'll feel better, it's just in your head, only u can help yourself. I tried fixing my sleep schedule, eating healthy, going out, searching for a job, being positive, taking 3 different medications, going to therapy, doing my hobbies, having a cat, and following everything my therapist told me. I still feel like shit 30% of the time and numb for most of it. I still hate myself and I hate how nothing is making me better but I have to act like I am because otherwise, I'm going to be asked why when I don't even know the reason. everything I do goes wrong and everything I touch turns to shit . I wish I was someone else. I wish I was normal I don't need to be special mid is fine anything but this. It's been about a year since I last talked to my friends and I pretty much lost them and failed to make new ones. I feel so stupid man and I'm just getting stupider but nobody believes me Like I can't remember shit and my brain is always blank and it's not normal and is annoying af. idk but like at least I'm not suicidal anymore yet I don't feel alive I feel so dead and fake. I just want a life anything idk aghhhh.