I can’t tell if this is my anxiety or if it’s turning into paranoia. 

I have a lot of guilt. I constantly feel a deep sense of guilt with everything I do. It’s getting extreme and I find myself constantly thinking about it to the point to where it’s interrupting my normal day to day activities. 

Examples - I skip washing dishes to spend more time with my kids. The whole time I’m thinking ‘I can’t just let this house become a disaster. My kids deserve to live in a clean home’ and it just spirals from there. Same thing the other way around. I spend my extra time trying to clean and pick up around the house and the whole time I’m thinking ‘I’m a horrible mother. They’re just sitting there watching tv/on their devices. They think I don’t care about them. They are going to resent me for never spending enough time with them’. 

The other day I had spent some time trying to organize my kitchen. I also went grocery shopping and I cleaned out my refrigerator. There were groceries cluttered on my island. There were dirty dishes and old Tupperware that have been in the refrigerator for way too long now in my sink. The kitchen table still had dinner on it because the kids had just finished eating. I heard a knock on the door and it’s a vacuum salesperson. She talked me into letting her do a free carpet cleaning/demo. It lasted 2 hours. Throughout those 2 hours she had to use my kitchen sink to fill up the shampoo thing. She saw how much of a disaster my kitchen was in. She also cleaned my mattress and pulled up so much crap from it. My room was a mess too since the kids usually don’t go in there much and I don’t really prioritize cleaning it. She asked to use my guest bathroom and I had bathed the muddy dog in the bathtub earlier that day and hadn’t cleaned the tub yet. I left the curtain open so it looked so dirty. She finally left and I stayed up half of the night worrying that she was going to call CPS and have my kids taken away because of how much of a mess there was. The next few days I had such anxiety and I was just waiting for a knock on my door. 

I feel like this is taking over my life and I feel like I’m starting to obsess over these fears and it really sucks. Is this just bad anxiety or does it sound like it’s starting to turn into more of a paranoia? I’m going to reach out to my psychiatrist this week because it’s getting hard to get throughout my days.