Whenever I’m not manic, i always think the worst is my extreme impulse purchases that land me deep in debt since that’s a long lasting impact.

But when I’m actually manic, I realize how shitty the irritability is. It always makes me feel so upset with myself after I see someone is clearly getting rubbed the wrong way from me being easily irritable. I remember one day I had lashed out at a group tutor I had while in uni. My friends in the group had never seen me like that and looked at me like I was a monster. I cried so much that night when I got back to my apartment because I felt like I would never be capable of having a long-lasting relationship/friendship.

Even while on meds, controlling my irritability is so hard even if I try in the moment.