Like is that how I am to other people? Is that how I have left them feeling and thinking? Idk. But it feels like no one really gets being hurt by someone else with BPD if you have it, since others with it often seem to have rosy pictures of our disorder, and those who don't have it see us as horrible irredeemable monsters (or just don't understand what it's like to be borderline).  

Sometimes I wonder if they're right and everything else I tell myself is a form of coping with or trying to fight against that. Yet it's hard to even stay self-loathing long enough to care since most of my feelings pass so fast and I often don't, to where I'll probably regret or feel embarrassed posting this in the morning.