Just trying to unwind and have fun. I drank a bottle of wine by myself roughly, maybe less, on an empty stomach while cooking. It was fun, we had s good night, I danced, etc.

Ended up puking my guts out at my FPs place of course from the drinking. I’m sure I probably said something stupid and hurt his feelings because im an asshole. I know I rejected his offerings of help, because I hate the shame that comes with feeling like I’ve lost control. 

I feel like I ruined everything. He obviously has reassured me, he loves me that’s what he’s there for. I take care of him. Logically, I understand it was just too much to drink. I wasn’t violent or abusive.  That’s all.

There’s just this overwhelming feeling looming over me and telling me he hates me now, I’m an alcoholic (binge drinker, really), I’m unlovable and unsalvageable.

I am such a fucking burden. I think I’m done drinking for a while.