Hi! 

I have had problems with anxiety and depression almost my entire life, but I have these episodes where I literally let laziness control and ruin my life. I know this is happening and I don’t want it to, but I can’t make myself stop it. Currently, I am having a serious problem just getting out of bed to go to work or putting dishes in the dishwasher. I have been actively and knowingly putting off doing basic things that I ordinarily wouldn’t really care doing.

I know this sounds so ridiculously first-world-problems and I agree. I too would like to get off my ass and act like an adult! But I keep coming back to this cycle where I don’t do anything. 
I don’t go to work. I don’t clean my apartment. I don’t bathe when I should. I don’t text people back. I ghost the people that care about me. I don’t get out of bed until 12:00pm at the very earliest. I don’t follow through with anything I say I’ll do.

All of these things and more. And the thing is, I WANT to do these things. I like my job and I’m good at it. I hate a messy house, and for most part, I don’t mind cleaning (I mean, does anyone LOVE cleaning? But, you get it). I find showers relaxing and I love singing while I do. I have things to say and I love talking to the like 2 friends I have. I liked my therapist and I didn’t text her back to schedule another session, but I wanted to. I’m not a morning person, but I do need/like to get up early because I have things I want to do and places I want to go— things I have planned to do! 

So WHY?!???

How do I stop this? Fix this???
I have goals! I have the most perfect and the freaking most understanding boyfriend. We want to get married soon! I don’t want to get married until we get a house.. kinda hard to do when we’re basically living on his income because I am so freaking weak-minded and literally cannot force myself to get out of bed. Why?? I am a terrible girlfriend and this is honestly not me. We have 2 dogs and they are our world. My parents love and support me. My job is flexible with me. I want to go back to school because I finally found something I am interest in and want to make it my career.

Why is this happening? I don’t understand! I’m happy! I have good life! I have motivations, but nothing ever seem to be enough to get me to move. 

I have tried therapy, yoga, antidepressants, staying hydrated, motivational speeches/notes to myself (that’s just so embarrassing to type), going out more, etc…

I hate being like this. I hate it and am sorry for those around me. I am a sorry excuse of just about everything right now. And I am not myself! This is not me and not who I want to be!

What do I do? Has this or does this happen to anyone else? Anything that sort of helped? I will try anything to be better!

Please please help me!