I'm in a constant mood that I want to tell a friend that I wrote a suicide note, but I also don't want to.

The person I plan on telling has been and still is very supportive of me, and I know if I tell them there is a place of emotional support I have. However, I also want to keep this note a secret. To never show it to the world ever so no one has to read that shit. I don't want to tell someone else that is professional (like a doctor) because that in the past has made a situation like this way wore. If I tell a close friend, I have someone to talk about this note with that will make me understand why I should get rid of this note. But this is also a much bigger matter that I can't just tell some person. This person is not a therapist, how would they even deal with it? I'm not even sure. I might just water down the details but still get the point across