so my friend passed away about 50 days ago (i know this bc i posted on reddit the day it happened) and i’ve developed a new anxious fear i never had before

normally death was just something i kinda brushed off like “oh yeah we all go through it”. i’ve never had anyone i know die, aside from old relatives like my great non and nonna who were both in their 90s when they died (my great non died this year and he was 99). for them dying, it just seemed natural. because it was, they’d reached that part of life.

but my friend was only 24 when she took her life, only a year older than me, and now it kind of feels like oh shit, death doesn’t just happen to old people (which i already knew obvs but like this made it sink in). so now i’m constantly worried that i’m sick or ill or about to die. dying itself isn’t *too* scary, but being alone without my family is. so whenever they’re far away, i start panicking - because what if i have a medical emergency and they’re not there? i would really want them there if/when i die, which i know won’t just spontaneously happen, but even so. 

hopefully since it’s still relatively early in the mourning process, this newly claimed fear of mine will lessen in time. just wanted to get that off my chest, happy holidays everyone 💕