I hate having bipolar disorder. Hate it. I have been out of meds for a while because of unable to reach my PCP and the fact that I have no counselor or psych services in my area. 6 months waiting list. Meds are currently waiting to be picked up tomorrow. 
I'm crying for no reason. I have no motivation. I have no joy. I dont feel like doing anything except sitting on the couch and existing. I live in the mountains so I have no neighbors and I have no social life except for work and family. They love me. I don't love myself. I've gained so much weight. So much I want to do but I can't manage to get off the couch.