I’ve been manic for the last two weeks or so, and I am now plummeting into depression once again. It never ends. I’m depressed for months, deeply manic for 2-3 weeks, and then right back to depression. If I’m lucky I’ll very rarely have a hypomanic episode that never lasts for more than a week.

I’ve been on meds for a year. I’ve been in therapy for longer. I’m trying my best to have a healthy lifestyle, too. I’m sure that I would be much worse without these things, but it’s nowhere near enough. I just want to be content with living and have the energy to be productive and live my life without escalating into deep mania that ends with me in the hospital one way or the other. I can’t even be happy without being scared of what could happen.

I just want to be mentally well, but it seems like that’s never going to happen no matter what I do. I just want to give up.