I am in a relationship with my now fiancee of 3 years. She has some scarring issues in her past that causes her to be erratic and become highly emotional and prone to throw things as well as having depression. I knew all this when I asked her to marry me and thought that we could work through it together and that she would reach out for professional help.

She never got the help, nor believes that she needs it. Our arguments have been increasing as of late and I don't know what to do. I have had my share of depression in the past and at times I feel like she is starting to bring it out of me. When we fight, I always play the "referee" and am always the one who has to stay cool and cater to the way that she fights. It's draining and I can't always be the cool one every time, especially when other stresses play a factor. To be honest, she is very abusive towards me as I get things thrown at me and then get told that I made her do it among the other verbal assaults I have to endure. I love her and would do anything for her and have been trying to navigate through these things, but I don't think things are getting any better.

We don't get to see much of each other because she is a nurse and only have the weekends to spend the quality time that we need. I feel like every weekend there is something I do that sets her off and it becomes a complete shit show of a fight. I have tried everything from staying calm, to telling her things that she probably wouldn't like to hear. Nothing ever works consistently, and I get anxiety when I sense that she is getting frustrated. I take in all the bullshit she says to me, everything that she knows would set me off and to be honest I feel like I've mastered not reacting out of impulse and think about what I say.

All my free time is spent with her or thinking about her or working on things towards the wedding. I am starting to feel like maybe she doesn't want to marry me or maybe it's best that things end between us. There is so much more to this story, but I know I am probably in the wrong somewhere. This is affecting me a lot and to be honest some of the things she says to me strikes home and never quite leaves my mind despite her apologies and saying that she doesn't mean it. I don't know the solution, but some days I have to fight real hard to get my mind back on a healthier train of thought. I think just putting this out there helps a little.