\+ i'd just like to put here that i also am schizophrenic. im sorry if what i say doesnt make the most sense.

i've been going on a spiral for months now. i post nsfw videos/images of myself for attention/validation because i cannot feel human unless i am something to take pleasure in. i feel worthless and inhuman, unless in a nsfw setting and it's genuinely ruining me. my perception of self is so warped, i don't know what to do. i feel confused, lost and scared, and the only thing to help ignore those feelings is when i'm online, trying to get people to look at my naked body. i feel disgusting. my body isn't even mine, it's just the screen's. 

i don't know what else to say. it's getting bad. i don't even know if i'm real, or just some sentient sex doll. it's pathetic and embarrassing and i feel so mortified for even trying to put my feelings into words. i don't know.