Wow never believe i’ll be writing a post on Reddit about issues I’ve been having. Not really even looking for reply but I’m grateful if you may leave one, good or bad. But let me start,

These last two years have been super hell for me. It’s really been taking a toll on how I think, eat, act and even conversing with friends and family. Everyone thinks i’m ok but deep down i am so close to snapping and nobody knows. I don’t want the people close to me to think i’m crazy or ill of me. 

Last year two weeks before my birthday a year ago. I was stabbed in the knee (not a arrow, if you got the pun) i got into a shouting match my mom’s girlfriend’s best friend which was a long time bully of mine. We started fighting after he swung. I punched him and he fell. As he got up he pulled out a knife which I didn’t see and stabbed me in the knee and continued to try to attack. 

I proceeded to continue beating the breaks off of him, until my mother ran outside and seen the knife stuck in my knee shooting blood. Which i did not see because my adrenaline was pumping. Until I noticed it and the guy who stabbed me noticed as well, and we quit fighting. He said sorry and asked me did he want me to pull it out.

I said yea, which was a big mistake because the knife of lodged into my popliteal artery. Which i immediately passed out and had minutes to live but was saved. Had to have three different surgeries on my leg and knee to walk properly. i never really mentally recovered from that. I was in the hospital for a month. Had to relearn how to walk on my ow because i had on insurance at the time.

Fast forward a couple months i meet a new girl we’re dating. Everything going good. My family loves her, i loved her at first. We talked about a baby, yes it was planned. I get her pregnant. We plan to move into a apartment together and i was going to cover everything till the baby was born. Things started to go bad one day she even put her hands on me And one day she tells me she has different plans. She doesn’t want to raise a kid in our county. So she moving 3 hours away to stay with her brother. She doesn’t want to coparent because she think im a good father. 

Edited text messages where we both threatened eachother but made me look like the bad guy when in all reality i just wanted to know the gender of our baby. But she won’t tell me out of spite put a restraining order on me so i cannot contact her or even know when my baby is born.

She has told me to kill myself, wish she never took the pregnancy test out my house so she could get away without any issues and i’m left just dealing with all of this mentally and don’t know what to do or think.

My mom tells me to stay calm but idk how much longer it is before i say fuck it and snap. Trying to cope but wish me luck, thanks for reading.