I just moved to new city and started a new life. Within a month of being here, I very quickly met a new FP. She is extremely intelligent, honest, and empathetic, and for reasons I don't fully understand, I decided to be as honest with her as I am capable of. 

At the beginning, I misrepresented myself the way I have so many times before, but she saw through every lie I told her and when I eventually came clean about everything, she forgave me. She encouraged me to journal everyday and I've started doing that. 

Every day, usually multiple times a day, I make two lists: "Don't Worry About:" and "Always Strive For:" then I list my responses to each thing. It sometimes takes hours, but I'm starting to find patterns. I'm starting to understand who I am, and that I actually am somebody. 

At the same time, my FP is slowly becoming less and less of an FP and more of a healthy relationship. I would still be absolutely crippled and devastated if she disappeared, but I'm learning to trust her and feel okay when she's not around. 

There's still a very long road towards recovery ahead of me, but for the first time in my life, I'm optimistic that I can be truly happy.