I've never been this depressed before. Holy fuck I hate it. I wake up at 8 AM just to stay in bed till noon. I only got up today because my cat needed to be fed and the guilt of letting my own cat down brought me to tears. "I need help I need help I need help" loops in the back of my head with the occasional "I wish I didn't exist". I want help so bad but I don't know where to get it. It's like, I see a barrier everywhere I look. I feel so alone. I have friends and a girlfriend and family who loves me but I don't want to burden them. I don't want to worry them. I don't want to make excuses. My family especially. They always say they miss me and ask me why I haven't visited more often or why I haven't replied to their texts. "Sorry, been busy." "Sorry, just tired." What the fuck else am I supposed to say? "Sorry, I currently hate my life and the smallest tasks feel like a huge fucking chore." Some days I sleep, some days I don't. Some days I eat, some days I don't. I wish I wasn't burdened with this shit, man. I'm drowning in responsibilities and I worry so much about failing them, yet studying or doing homework for a class is so overwhelming. I can't do it. I can't sit there and make my brain focus for one second. No wonder I'm a month behind on class work. I just want to feel like myself again. I want to feel happy for more than a second. I want to feel genuine happiness. I don't want to feel like an empty shell of myself anymore. I need to get out.