my ex s/o came to collect the last of his things, and I cried in his arms, despite the fact that this break-up was orchestrated by me, and that this is the best thing for us bc neither of us were happy. after 10 minutes of that, I told him he needed to go bc this wasn't going to help either of us. it was the first time I'd ever cried in front of him. 

I then proceeded to have a mini-breakdown, including sobbing, hitting my head against a wall, punching myself, and cutting. or, nearly cutting. the blade ran against my skin and it brought me back to earth, but there's still a scratch mark there. rip to my 2 yr cut-free streak.

I freaked out 2 of my friends, had a shower, ate some toast, and now I'm slowly getting back to normal. 

thanks, BPD, for not listening to the rational side of my brain and overreacting.