**TL;DR**: I, age 15 (nearly 16), can’t stop missing anytime before June 2020 (when my anxiety got worse and started developing depression-like symptoms). Now I become anxious and want to cry when thinking of the past because I feel like time has passed too quickly and I’ll never be happy again and feel connected to myself and surroundings (which isn’t true). Has anyone felt the same way and does anyone have any advice? Thank you :)
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This is long sorry in advance. I’ve been growing more and more anxious and sad over the past for the past year or so, especially these past 6 months, and I don’t see an end point anymore. I miss anytime before June 2020 when I became unmotivated, disinterested in the things I love(d), and especially tired. I continued to worry and worry more until I went numb, but it was all new and I thought it’d pass in a few weeks or would get better when x happened... one year later and even though it is better than a month ago, I’m not doing great. It’s easy to blame quarantine on everything but that’s when it seriously took a turn. Once I realized that COVID-19 wasn’t going anywhere I started worrying more and more (mid May) and then boom, had a week where I felt pretty miserable, but looking back I was just experiencing the feeling that I’ve had for a year now for the first time. Now that it’s been a year I’ve forgotten what it’s like to feel some emotions and to properly enjoy life 

My worries have grown more and more broad but can be tied to two categories (which are now intertwining): time passing and losing my sense of self. There were hints of time passing worries earlier in quarantine (remembering random memories of when I was a kid, being a little more nostalgic) which slowly growled into worries in December (how quickly time has passed and how little time is left until I move onto college which I’m TERRIFIED of even though I had dreamt about it for years) and now to where I am now (any moment was better in the past because I still could feel and still had a sense of self and connections). That leads on to the lack of sense of self, or feeling disconnected to myself and my surroundings, which hurts way more than it should. Think it started in June when I lost interest in the things I loved, especially my hobbies (music especially) which has been my passion and what’s kept me going for over 4 years now (which also hurts to say). Shortly after I struggled with texting friends and became tired and sometimes anxious by small conversations. No longer had the platonic love for them that I did before. Same with my family, which isn’t helped by the fact that I wasn’t able to see them (along with friends). These three things are really what makes me, or at leather main part of me, and I felt like I had lost them all and I’m still fighting to get that back.

Like I said before, they’re intertwining now and my worries are basically the same things over and over and over again. I miss times when I had a sense of self so, so, so much. Meeting my closest friend for the first time was 3 years ago which makes me upset because 1). I don’t feel connected to them and sometimes struggle to test them 2). It feels so long ago. Discovering my favorite bands for the first time hurts a lot because that was 4 years ago and I’d do anything to go back because it was so fun and new and now I become anxious at the thought of them. There’s so much stuff like that. And I also started worrying that it’s just me growing up but why would I suddenly grow up from everything in a week? It doesn’t help that a big part of me surrounds a typical teen thing anyway (alternative style), but I can’t imagine myself... not being that way? Idk, I miss my family and friends and music and the connection to myself and would do so much to get it all back 

***Personal accomplishments that I just feel like sharing because I need someone to tell without them asking if I’m okay. I finally got my permit that I’ve been trying to get for a year but my anxiety kept pushing it off! I passed first try! And I’ve driven twice but I’ve already gotten onto some small town roads with a lot of cars and I stayed calm. I actually enjoy driving, it’s exciting. (Most my anxiety stemmed from getting older and saying goodbye to times where I wasn’t the driver). Also these past few days I’ve actually gotten back into my favorite band which I’ve been very anxious about for almost a year now. I’m hoping it lasts because I have a concert coming up in a month and a half (which I can actually think about without wanting to cry). They’re little accomplishments to most people but I’m kind of proud of them