I just realized I think I’ve been in a progressively worsening manic episode for at least 2 weeks now. 

It’s so annoying and exhausting cause I’m just so pent up with restlessness and impatience and the people in my life keep being hurt by the things I’m saying and doing and I am so tired of having to monitor my every word and action. It’s not their fault obviously but it feels impossible to censor myself and it’s still my responsibility. Its like constantly having to pretend I’m sober when I’m drunk off my ass.

It’s taking everything in me not to just quit my job and ghost everyone in my life so I can just be manic without having to deal with how it’s impacting people.

What the fuck do I do, how do I manage this! The worst part is I don’t even care. I literally cannot care about how this is impacting everyone else, I just want to exist the way I need to exist.

I’m unmedicated and untreated because I’ve been waitlisted from any care (at least 5+ months away) and my family doctor won’t medicate me.