Last month I finally cut off all contact with my FP of almost 6 years. I feel like I am doing better and I'm working hard to get sober. 

This time last year my FP and I were super romantic and sexual (we have been multiple times throughout us knowing each other). I was high almost always when I was with them. This lead to like a complete break down and I had to be hospitalized with my BPD. After that things just got worse and worse until I finally couldn't handle the drugs or him. 

I feel like now that it's been a while I should be starting to feel things but I'm not. Also more and more memories are dissapearing about last summer and it's kind of just becoming a hole in my head. I know this is normal to dissociate. But do you these feelings ever come back at like a weird time? Also how do you process shit when you can't feel it anymore?