From this article: https://themighty.com/2017/09/borderline-personality-disorder-favorite-person-best-friend/

1. Pay attention to the give and take of your relationships.

One of the most important aspects of satisfying relationships is finding a balance. A good way to check the balance is paying attention to what each person is putting in vs. what they are getting out of it.

“If you’re giving all the time or if you’re taking all the time or a large percentage of the time, that relationship is just not going to be satisfying,” Dr. Foreman explained. “What we know is that people are dissatisfied in relationships that are out of balance.”

2. Ask yourself mindful questions.

Practicing mindfulness about your actions is an important aspect of satisfaction in relationships. Below are some examples of mindful questions Dr. Foreman suggested to ask yourself about your favorite person.

Am I only calling this person in crisis?

Am I using this person to balance my mood and behavior — things I should do on my own?

Am I relying on them more than they’re relying on me?

Dr. Foreman also recommends keeping “shared enjoyment of the world” in mind. Asking yourself from time to time if you are focusing on doing things you both enjoy can help keep the relationship balanced.

3. Think about your intensity.

Experiencing emotions more intensely than others is something many people with BPD struggle with. Dr. Foreman says this kind of emotional intensity is “like having your favorite song — and to borrow a reference from ‘Spinal Tap’ — set on the volume of 11. Nobody likes their favorite thing when it’s too loud, too intense, too strong.”

Modulating intensity is key when thinking about a relationship with a favorite person. “Instead of ‘I love you with the passion of a thousand fiery suns’ it might be nice to do a small gesture,” she said.

Small gestures are a great way to express you care for someone without being emotionally overwhelming. Expressing things in a toned down way “not because you care less but because it’s like playing a song at just the right volume.”

4. Cultivate a broad spectrum of relationships in your life.

A great relationship practice for people with BPD is cultivating a spectrum of types of relationships you have in your life. Dr. Foreman said it’s important to remember, “some friends are your best friends forever, some people are meant to be occasional friends.”

She mentioned practicing small talk as an easy way to gain acquaintance relationships in your life. For example, if a co-worker or the mailman asks how you are or what you did on the weekend, replying with a short synopsis that isn’t a full account is an easy way to modulate intensity.