How do the people I put so much time and effort into not notice that my spirit is slowly slipping away? I try talking but it ends in arguments and feelings of not really being heard. Everyone wants to be catered to and taken care of, while I feel like I simply go… unnoticed. Each argument, each responsibility, each activity to do for other, each thing I do because it’s simply what needs to be done…. It just chips away at my heart and soul. I get up at 5am on school days to ready the children, so they can sleep. The baby get up at 6am and I take care of him, so they can get some more rest. Kids to school, pets feed, baby down for nap, clean house, set dinner out, clean some more…. Time for a break? No.. babies up. Weekends are no better. They get to sleep in, but someone has to be up with the kids….. right? Everyone wants to go and do, everyone wants clean dishes, clothes, and a house. I simply want…. Time to myself. I yell at the kids because I’m tired. I get frustrated with the baby cause there is no break for a mom. Everyone wants me to be nice and speak normal but all I want…. Is a fair house hold. The husband can just up and leave and not think about who will take care of the kids… I can’t do that. I worry. I have to lay out a detail plan if I leave, because I worry that if I don’t, because he has not been active in the parenting something will go wrong. But I can’t say that so him, because he gets mad and thinks I’m calling him a bad dad. Boyfriend spends more time taking pictures of the cats then helping with his son. I feel like a failure. I’m the mean nasty parent… who’s so tired I don’t know how to have fun. The kids want to paint, play with Lego, but I always say no…. Who wants to clean up another mess? Not me. I simply don’t know how they don’t notice that I’m slow dying, slow losing my ability to function. I’m here, but…. Am I really?