I just want one birthday where I don't feel so fucking sad and ruined. I can't stop crying. I can't stand the idea of getting up in the morning and doing it all over again. I can't stand another year like this. 

I thought maybe this year could be different. 21st is supposed to mean something, like you're a real adult now. You can do everything now, anything. But my world feels so small and I feel so pathetic. Everything feels empty and vapid and also so soul crushingly heartbreaking.