I'm extremely insecure about everything. I have severe social anxiety to the point where I can't hold a coherent conversation with a person. I have a hard time trusting people even my parents. They love me but I'm not close. I feel so pressured to make people proud. If I don't succeed in something I feel like I failed not just myself but also everyone I love. I hate myself, my looks, and my personality. I have a hard time opening up to people about my depression so I try to keep it inside me. I put on a happy face and act like everything is fine even when it's not. I started breaking last week due to mental exhaustion and people around me started to notice. But when they ask I just brush it off with "I'm just tired" or "I'm just hungry." It feels terrible to hold it in but I have nobody to talk to. I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to exist. I just wish I could die. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because of my best friend. He asked about me and I just told him I was having anxiety. If I could do it again I would have said more but I'm too scared to say anything. I'm making this post because I legitimately need help.