Happy is in quotes because really, what the fuck even is happiness? I've tried to replicate what I see makes people happy, or to even really listen and do the things to better what people stress over and brings them grief and any other negative emotions or feelings that I 100% confidently say I can feel and relate to. I get the whole life being tough thing, genuinely. I grew up without parents and was used as an argument tool or leverage when I *was* with them. I know that depression doesn't show itself to everyone in the same dark ways.. but I can tell when it shows itself in other people, especially the people I really, truly care about. When I can sense that all too familiar feeling of despair in the energy surrounding the few people I love, I want nothing more, and I mean absolutely nothing, but to do whatever is humanly possibly to alleviate any sort of negativity of extra stress off their plates. I know what it feels like, but I'm use to it. I've accepted it, I think. I'm not so use to the whole feeling so strongly for or about other people in those ways, though. I just want to lift you up when no one else cares enough to try, because you're so much  more than worth it. Sometimes though, I think it hinders more than helps and I ground myself back to my reality where no matter how much I try or love or care, it really won't matter. It sucks. It really fucking sucks. No matter what though, I'll continue to do every and anything to try to take away life's bullshit and leave you with more good than bad. I promised that, and will take that with me to my grave, no matter how far or near that may eventually be. At the end of the day, if I had to destroy myself with the entire world's grief and stress just to bring a smile to your face one last time, I'd still ask you if there's anything else you'd need that may help, too. I liked it better when I could keep the emotions off, but you somehow brought out some of the most genuine, unapologetic ones I had ever felt. You allowed me to feel what it was like to be human, for it to be okay to feel however we may feel, and still be considered loveable. Sometimes, I just hate feeling human.