In the past months Ive literally been doing nothing, not going outside, I have lost my Job, I dont have any Friends ... Idk why but I just cant open up or trust anyone.  I feel like everyone is my enemy, plotting something against me or just talking about me behind my back... I feel like im sinking deeper and deeper into that black hole and im getting closer to the singularity and when im There I Know it will crush me. There used to be a time where the thought of suicide popped into my head, but back then I've always found a reason not to do it, but recently the reasons not to do it are getting harder and harder and harder to find. I had birthday two days ago and it made me realise how fucking alone I am. I have lied to my mother, stole out of her purse many times before to buy Weed or alcohol just to escape the everyday pain. And No I am not smoking or drinking daily. I Just hate myself, hate what I've become