I’ve had it every day just waking up to the same thing, I wake up to just sit at my computer, and spend every waking moment in my room. Some days I can muster the courage to bathe and wash my hair. I have been depressed for about 6 years now, and it was the year before last I put my foot down and tried everything I could to get better, and I got out and done activities such as kayaking and just socialising with my step mums family and I liked it. But it really wore me out, I fell back into the pit of just feeling really depressed and alone. 

The start of last year for about 2 weeks I felt as if I could hardly breathe but I didn’t care, it was only until one night it got quite bad so I told my dad and he made me a doctors appointment and there was nothing wrong physically, even though it felt like I was carrying the weight of the sun on my chest, the doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and prescribed me meds. It was at this point I told myself I really need to help myself get better, I am the only one who can fix this. So I booked therapy and I started to try and turn my life around, but I didn’t feel happy at all, I haven’t felt even the tiniest bit happy in 2 years, it’s either depression or nothing. 

I fell back into the pit again, the therapy wasn’t helping, talking about a problem made me figure out where it came from, but I didn’t know how I could fix it, my therapist never gave me any pointers or tips so I can try to help. I went off the medication because it also wasn’t helping and I am back to where I started.

The past few months I have been at a really low point, the smallest things can ruin my day and make me angry, and it just feels like nothing can ever go right. I don’t know what to do anymore, I just want it all to stop