It makes me feel so bad, to think that this is all my fault, i dont have any reason to be like this: i come from a stable family, i look fine, i had friends... i pushed all of them away, i fucked all my chances, even my parents are done with me. 
I know people that have gone through much worse shit than me, and they overcame it. Today i realized that i'm a bitch, i'm weak, it's all in my mind, i am the problem.