Every part of me is numb. And I know that will change soon, it always does. But I always end up back within this rut. This nothingness is all consuming, sucking away my love for things in the world. It makes me want to yell at my family and the people I care about, because in these moments, nothing matters and I don't care anymore.

It's now that I'm at my most impulsive state. Any thought that pops into my head, I might just go with. Because nothing feels like it has meaning. And it's funny, I try to make this state last as long as I can. Probably because it's the only constant in my emotions. Complete emptiness.

Yet I'm tired of it.

When I see this post in the morning, or maybe in a few minutes, I'll probably think it's stupid and want to delete it. I'll feel fine. Shrug it off and say I'm not that bad, and it's silly for me to compare myself to people who are actually struggling.

I just want to be able to talk to someone about this. I'm never able to, all my problems seem to disappear from my life when I talk to a person that could help. And like I said, after a period of anything other than contentment, all the things I was previously dealing with seem stupid. I naively choose to believe that it won't happen again. But it does.

I'm not even sure if this post makes sense anymore. I'm not going to reread it over.

I feel like I'm permanently stuck in this loop.