I have incredible parents that have supported me (emotionally and financially) through just about everything. I have 3 girl friends that have been there for me emotionally through my sane and insane periods. I have extended family that love me, I have friends on Facebook that care about me....but I feel like I don't have anyone.

When I'm "in a state", I rant and rave to anyone around me, but then when I'm "sane" again I realize what a nuisance I've become and I am so ashamed and remorseful. I'm so paranoid about annoying the few people in my life, that I don't feel like I can really talk and confide in anyone. My mother has bad anxiety (runs maternally - yaaaay) so I feel like if I bitch and moan to her, or even tell her when my life has gone to shit, I'm only doing her harm. There's nothing she can do to fix things, and telling her my woes only upsets her. My friends have listened to me whinge for years and I know it gets old real fast. I hate being Debbie Downer and always whining about something. 

I'm single, and haven't been on a serious date in almost 4 years. (The first 2 years was because I was only separated, not divorced - and the last 2 have been because I've not been in a state to date anyone.)
The depression and anxiety and BPD and OCD have all just overwhelmed me and I don't have anyone besides my therapist to confide in. I see her 45 minutes a week, and I can bitch for MUCH longer than that.

 My marriage was emotionally abusive towards the end, but the first 7 years I really had someone who gave a shit. My husband listened to me, and comforted me, and took care of me. My friends and family would do all that for me if I told them about it and let them - but I'm tired of being such a burden.

I'm embarrassed about my state in life. My 3 best friends are all successful in their chosen careers, are married/committed, one just had a kid, they're financially stable (an in one case well off), they have friends outside of our group, they travel - basically have fulfilling lives.

I turn 34 next month, am divorced, recently officially declared disabled by Social Security, I'm going back to school but can't hack full-time, I don't have a job and live on my alimony ($1,100/mo) I live in a house my parents own along with a roommate, besides my 3 close friends I regularly see 3 others but we're not that close. I am so incredibly fucking depressed these last few months and changing medicine hasn't helped. I actively avoid so many things because I know they will "trigger" me. And above all, I don't have anyone that I feel like I can lean on. I feel like a fucking leech, and no one in their right mind will ever want me.