These last few days I have been steadily getting more and more tired of it all. Yesterday wasn't too good either. I'm starting to think about all sorts of negative shit. Things I enjoy being taken from me, people pretending to be good people, staring at a screen way too much as a coping mechanism... I have written all about it way too much. At least I had the motivation to actually shower and do good hygiene stuff but I just feel like I'm constantly in pain mentally. I've even gotten very close to causing physical harm to myself. I really wanna get help but I can't find the opportunity to do so because I feel like I would only stress out my mom, and also I'm very reluctant about the shit I have to do if they actually cared about me enough to take me to a doctor.

What the fuck do I do now