I'm having a big problem at the moment, and it's wearing me down more than ever... my anxiety has peaked because my house is overcrowded now, and my job is really stressful. It's like no matter where I go it's messy and miserable. I have pain problems which make it hard to go out, and my anxiety makes it a pain in the ass too. 
The problem is that my partner lacks empathy. And it gets worse the more sick I am. He gets angry at me for it. The last time I had a panic attack, he left me halfway through to have a cigarette. We went out yesterday and when I told him i was anxious he snapped at me, but then he was nice to me for the rest of the day.. 

He can make me feel like such a burden. Like im an absolute pain in the ass. We have a generally good relationship, but only when I'm relatively ok yknow? I've told him this and he doesn't really seem to care. We live together, and I have nowhere else to go to be alone, so he's always here when I'm unwell. 

I really don't know what to do. He has said to me before that he wants to work on his empathy, but when I'm hurting the most, he ALWAYS goes elsewhere. It scares me. I worry he's going to do something that will hurt me, but he won't care. The rest of the time he is lovely and cuddly and chirpy... 

Im trying to be a more positive person. I'm trying to not show my problems. I'm really trying to make him love me again. I've been self harming again recently but he doesn't say anything when he sees the cuts. I feel very alone even though I always have company. It's hard to be happy all the time in a place like this.. 

Will he ever learn empathy? Do I have a chance at hiding my emotions if he doesn't? Am I fucking doomed? 

Tldr my boyfriend has no empathy and abandons me when im at my worst, but i never wanna fucking leave him and i don't know how to change to make him happier. halp.