So I was married and got divorced two years ago. During that time I’ve been very sexually active, never catching feelings. I met this girl caught feelings and we’d hook up. We both have feelings. Then she cut off the sex to “preserve” our friendship which made me spiral into drugs and suicidal thoughts which got me diagnosed. She’s stayed with me the entire time. Learning about my mind and been a great friend. However occasionally she’ll want to be intimate again. So we will fuck then she’ll cut it off. I lie to her and say I’m ok with whatever she can give. 

I saw her interact with her other guy best friend and it was totally giggly and sweet compared to how we interact. I get so jealous that she FaceTimes him and her other friends for hours and hours but sometimes can’t even reply to a text at all. Like left on read for 24 hours until I reply. She says if I want attention to call or FaceTime her. 

My thought is, she got burned pretty bad in her last relationship. A week after they broke up he had his new gf living with him. So she’s on this whole “free. No relationships no exclusive things” but she’s admitted I’m the only person she’s fucked outside of a real relationship or talking to. 

I think she wants more with me, once we both heal and get things in order but she doesn’t want me to cling to that idea and if nothing does I get hurt. But this back and forth of like I spent the last 48 hours with her and it was amazing. We did puzzles. Watched movies. Went shopping. Then I’m now prepared for a week of minimal conversation. I’ve explained and explained I wouldn’t be as needy if she initiated or gave more emotional value to when she messages. It’s like I have to work to get what I need. If she started with just a lil bit it’d fill that need and I could handle going a day or two without any communication. 

Idk what to do. Some days I feel like she’s the one. Other days I feel like she is a great friend who just happened to be the best fuck of my life and I should move on. I’m also afraid to move on cause I’ll detach and She won’t ever reach out and I’ll forget her. 

ANY FEEDBACK WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. I officially got diagnosed today. I’m 26M she’s 21F (turning 22 in like a month).