hi, i’ve been kinda learning how to use reddit now and recently have been diagnosed with bipolar 2. I’m 15 and wanted to get some advice with how to cope with manic episodes and live day to day life, but i saw that some people have shared their experiences with psychosis and sorta think i’ve been dealing with similar stuff.

i’ve been basically going to therapy as a 9 years old and recently have gotten off, but my therapist mentioned i wasn’t showing signs of psychosis before she left and i was sorta confused. a lot of people experiences has been similar to mine and im worried that i’ve been dealing with this for a long time now.

since i was 12, i always had this really bad irrational fear that there was always someone in my closet waiting for me to fall asleep so they could kill me, i always told myself it was fake and i shouldnt believe in dumb stuff like that but i was still scared. every night i would check my closet and room with a baseball bat because i was terrified of what would happen if i let my guard down. i swore i heard voices and movements coming from the closet and had this belief that they could watch me with some advanced technology and i’ve lost countless hours of sleep because of that. at some point i stopped sleeping for a few day and would roam around my house at 4 am with a weapon because i thought my family would die if i didn’t protect them. sometimes i would spends hours watching my parents sleep because i was utterly horrified that they would be brutally killed if i couldn’t protect them. 

this lasted for several months until the august of next year, so nov 2019 to august 2020 i believe. 

i don’t really recall any similar experiences like this one, but subconsciously i know it’s happened again more recently but i just can’t remember. am i dealing with psychosis or something else entirely?

i’ve been so scared that i might fall into something like that again and i just want to know what will make me feel better.