
I’m single woman in her early 30s. I met a man on an online dating site. We started talking immediately and decided to meet up that very week. It was a whirlwind relationship we spent a weekend together and we were in love. I’ve never been married and I don’t have any children. He told me he is divorced and has a daughter and asked me if that would be a problem. Initially said it has been a dealbreaker but that I would be willing to see where we go. 

So we began our relationship and the fact that he has a child began weighing on me. All I’ve ever wanted in life was to have my own family have my own children have a partner who’s gonna be there for me till death do us part. And I kept having this creeping feeling that I did not want somebody else’s child in that family of mine. But I was so in love that after having broken up with him because of the fact that he had a child once, I went back and asked him to get back together again. We got back together but the relationship started deteriorating from that point on. 

This man who had always been so careful not to hurt me even in the slightest began acting very cold and mean started holding resentment. I reciprocated in kind. I think we’ve broken up about 20 times(initiated by him) in the last four months I’ve cried almost every single day I had anxiety and I’d be so scared all the time that he was gonna break up with me again. But I just didn’t want to let go even though I knew that it’s probably not going to work and that he isn’t the one I want to start a family with I just could not deal with the idea of not having him in my life. 

And finally this past week has been very very turbulent. We broke up with each other taking turns this whole last week over a day we would break up at night, fight during the day and make up then break up again. When his daughter came to visit him (he hadn’t seen her in two years; she lives abroad with her mother) he asked me if I would be willing to meet her. 

I said yes with no intention of getting to know his daughter I just wanted to see for myself and verify my thoughts that I didn’t want someone else’s child involved in my life. So I lied and said yes I would like to meet her and that we would try to get better. I met his daughter and the whole time, he called her “baby, princess” and was putting food on her plate and just being a wonderful dad. He and his daughter had come to my area for lunch. Later, his daughter wanted some Boba tea so I took them to a bubble tea place. I waited near the entrance of the store and they went in and ordered and came back with the drink. When they came back he asked me if I wanted anything. I did not. 

But I knew at that point I did not want to see the man I love taking care of and loving another woman’s child above me at all times and that I needed yo exit the picture. Then we walked back to their car and I hugged both of them and we said good bye. I broke up with him later that day, which was yesterday. He hates me for having met his daughter. He hates me and says he will never forgive me. 

I know that I cannot have a relationship with him. But I still love him. I miss him so much my chest hurts. How do I move on?