I 21M fucked up badly with my 19F ex girlfriend and now I'm so guilty of how I handled things I'm punishing myself mentally and physically. I've lost nearly 40lbs from not eating and going the gym so now I'm around 155lbs at 6'3. I don't leave the house unless I have to and I just exist in my room. Everytime I smile or laugh I stop instantly because I don't feel like I deserve to feel happiness anymore. I think I've had a mental breakdown because I'm so guilty all the time and I can't seem to forgive myself because it doesn't even feel real that I'd decide to make the choices I made. I don't even know who I am anymore if I can be so deeply confused at choices I've made in hindsight. 

Imagine knowing deep in your heart you've met the love of your life and you've thrown it all away because you can't handle a simple issue.