My job has expanded my hours which now means I’m getting less sleep than usual and adjusting to less time for myself. This sudden change has caused me to start experiencing severe migraines that I just had to work through because I feel guilty if I just don’t because my job will be affected and people rely on me for a lot more now. I’ve been experiencing more stress. 

My health has gotten worse. I’m dealing with daily headache and migraine attacks lasting a few days. I just found out I have carpal tunnel syndrome in both my arms. Now that I know that maybe there’s some ways to treat it before it gets worse. I’m having stomach issues that are getting worse and worse as my anxiety level are so high. 

My relationship is on the rocks. I don’t know where it’s heading even tho he tells me he wants to work out. I’m thinking he just wants to work out because we invested 3 years into this relationship already so why abandon it. He’s haven’t told me how shit gonna change. I been in less communication with him and I just don’t know. It has my mind running. 

Today I just don’t feel good. I started to express to my coworker how bad I been feeling. I explaining to her my severe anxiety. I don’t feel like people understand how severe it is. I’ve learned to look happy outside to everyone and struggle in my head. I got so much good stuff going on because I need to keep everything good. I’m young but I got so much shit going on that mentally I’m not okay. My coworker was trying to come from and tell me that everything going to be okay. I started telling her that I know it’s going to be okay but just my mind just tells me different. 

I guess she seen that as an excuse and kind of raised her voice at me that I have nothing to be feeling so bad about I got so much good shit that I should be feeling bad. People got worse things going on like she got so much shit going on but she knows she gonna be good. I’m only in my early 20s that I haven’t experienced life that. I don’t know what real anxiety is because I’m young. 

I knew it was coming from a good place but to hear your bad emotions are no valid because it looks like I got a good life and I’m young just hurts. It made me feel even worse cuz why do I feel bad it’s right that everything looks okay but I don’t feel okay. 

I’ve had my first full blown panic attack in over 4 years in work’s bathroom and I just feel worse than originally. I just feel shut down and I still have 2 hours left at work. All I want to do is crawl into bed and shut out the world. I don’t even feel like I deserve to feel as bad as I do. I should but I do. I don’t know what I’m gonna from here but at some point I just got to. 

I want to do go back to my bad habits because I’m starting to feel numb again. I never thought I’ll feel like this again but here I am.