hi, just joined this community. 

I've been in the midst of grief for a few years at the loss of an immediate family member (they had a terminal illness so watched their decline for the past few years and death this summer), so i've thought that things i go through might relate to that. 

However, from my own research, and the input of a few trusted people, I think I might have high functioning depression. I match some of the symptoms, like low self-esteem, desires to self harm (though lack of sleep/not eating) often enough to be a noticable thing (and sometimes acting on those desires), seeking out things that can trigger me, etc. I am a bit harder to have a positive outlook on things (I just notice the things that I do wrong generally vs the things that I also do right). I also tend to catastrophize and I overslept often this summer. 

Again, I've been in grief for a few years so I am unsure if that has caused a lot of those things listed above, but I can't tell if im just making stuff up, or being dramatic, but I just wondered if anyone else experienced this uncertainty and how did you go about it? Or maybe those who experience both grief and depression? 

I get its different for everyone, but if anyone has any thoughts or encouragement, its welcome.