okay guys. im in kinda long-term relationships almost without interruptions for 9 years. basically, since i started to date.

it is really in the sight that my relationship will end. we are almost totally distant from each other and my bf doesn't see a future with me or generally in life (i think he has depression, so that plays a role too).

point is, he asked for breaks which i respected but it is going on with no end in sight or any solution proposed. nor does he treat me good when im around him. im scared of him, too. so, my relationship seems dead, non-existent. 

at the beginning of our break, i went through very bad withdrawal symptoms. i try to occupy myself but whenever im alone i break down and cry. i cry because im jobless, i feel lonely, i need more support than im able to get from people i know, im hopeless, im destroyed seeing my relationship dissolve, i have financial problems and yeah, all that.

i feel horrible. i dont know how to survive. i am splitting on people who i didnt split before. i want to lean on somebody but im so scared i will be pushed away or drain somebody that i dont dare to ask for help most of the times. im terrified to open up. i am so scared. how can i survive?