I liked him because he was different.  

Right before my rediagnosis for bpd and a few months ago and finding this subreddit, I actually told this person he was my favorite person. I genuinely meant it. To my fucking horror ... when I came here and realized what this actually meant. 

He is a narcissist and took advantage of me mentally and emotionally. He admitted this to me. I feel like he's watching all the time. Even here, I know its silly. My ocd, ptsd won't let it go. I have multiple people that know and have witnessed his behavior towards me. 

I made very fucking AWFUL mistakes and judgements.  For years I could not FOR THE LIFE OF ME figure out WHY I was doing this. Damn it all clicked. It just hit me and I had to sit and think about it for a long ass time. I finally was able to let it go.

He is still not over it. He is blocked on everything. I've had to sever friendships, leave communities, and hide from this guy because he   can't respect boundaries when I say its over this time. Im changing my IP, making a new account, keeping the friends closest to me.. and just moving the fuck on. It feels great.  My mind is free.... just because I understand and want to change and correct my behavior. 

I'll probably delete this post. I guess I'm writing this as a form of therapy , to release some anxiety. Mini Victory for me 🏅