So, I woke up and half my face was sagging. Crooked smile, droopy eye, etc. Googled it, found out it was bells palsy. So I call a nurses hotline. They said I'm possibly having a stroke and need to get to an ER right away. I don't have insurance, so calling an ambulance is not an option. I tried texting and calling all my "friends" and family. Only one person replied and they told me to fuck off. So, I have successfully burned every single bridge, resulting in them not caring if I live or die. Now I'm sitting here hoping it goes away on its own because in a small town like this there is no taxi service, Uber, or bus. And walking to a town with an ER is not an option, and probably a bad idea if I had a stroke. Oh well, I'm praying everything turns out okay. And very saddened that my awful behavior and lashing out caused so much isolation. If only they understood why, or that I don't do it to hurt anybody. Sometimes I burst, and I know I should've taken my therapy more seriously, and self medicate less... But it's too late now. If I actually die or something, just tell my family and friends that I'd do absolutely anything to take it all back and that I'm deeply sorry. Getting right with God and Jesus, praying so hard. Preparing basically cuz I don't feel right. But why call an ambulance and get help when I have no one around to care.