Sorry I just need to write some things off

I perform really well and achieve a lot, but I feel so dead jnside. Life is pointless  my achievements, my whole life, will eventually be forgotten. Why do I still try to achieve so much? Why am I unable to be happy? Why am I even alive? What's the fucking point of me being alife if I will wake up, eat, work, go back, sleep and repeat? Just to repeat this for 50 more years and die? Why shouldn't I die right now, today? What is holding me back? There is literally 0 reason for myself to be alive. Only reasons are relatives who will be sad, but for me? If I made the egoistic choice, I would kill myself. But why do I keep living in order to please others? Why shouldn't I do whatever I think is best for me and that is killing myself?