My favorite person is my ex- my first romantic partner and my first 'real' Favorite Person. I've had 'pseudo' FPs throughout my childhood, the people I stuck around not because I had crazy 'fun' times nor because I really wanted to hang out with them but because they were the only available people.

How do you deal with getting over a FP that is no longer in your life or should not be in your life?

Venting/Story/Context:

Currently, my ex ended our rocky relationship of 3 years (in which I was always breaking up with him during this duration due to my episodes and mental breakdowns) about few months ago. But we kept in contact even after the breakup. But things got uglier, where I started treating him more like the 'pseudo' FP I've had during my childhood. And then. It led up to an episode where I got more aggressive than usual. Since then, I haven't talked to him after ending it with a long apology text on my end, because it went from pure silence during the car ride cuz i was wallowing in personal shock/guilt/shame/sorrow and my ex was in upset/confused/silent treatment mode --&gt; once we got back to our separate homes, obsessively guilty calling/messaging them in the fear of abandonment and then --&gt; them ignoring me and finally telling me to leave him alone --&gt; and finally me sending a long message saying i'm sorry and that this would be my last message. 

I have not gotten any professional mental health assessment or help. I have always been aware that I might have some sort of mental health 

&amp;#x200B;

New to this, Thank you for having me