I CANT even. The emotional pain in unbearable. I have no way to unleash my emotions in any healthy manner. I am SO suicidal. And all for what? Past events. Life. Nothing bad is truly going on right now!!!!!? It's just the past!!!! And my feelings being non stop  !!!! I can't fucking take it, dude!!!!!

I have that whole thought lingering in my head mocking me like "wow you're so dramatic" or whatever shit people told me before in order to act like what I feel isn't that bad. Bitch!!! I want you to be my shoes!!!! It's fucking BAD. And I can't turn anything OFF.

What cruel fucking irony. I've been in abusive situations my whole life and now that I'm in a somewhat stable place (barely), my HEAD is the thing I can't escape from.

I don't know what to do or how much more I can take. Although, once my mood changes and I'll be like "lol I wonder why I was so mad"- I know I'm gonna end up feeling worst. For some reason I always feel like I'm faking shit somehow??? Despite how impossible that would be??????? Wtf???