When I am spiraling, I get bad thoughts 

I wont say what those thoughts are, but I am sure you know what I am talking about 

I looked at how I act when I am spiraling 

I always push people away, lash out, and verbally abuse them

It is safer for other people if I do not tell them how I feel

It is better that way

I will keep all my feelings to myself

It is better than being a burden to others and hurting them with my abusive behaviors