I wish I wasn't a surviver as I just want to drop off a cliff. I don't think I want to die so much as I really want a reason for me to live (for other people or in vacant hope things will magically turn around, is not enough) I know everyone feels like this, so big woop. Sometimes I write lists of reason to stay and to go, or think about letters I would write to loved ones. I can't see myself ever doing anything as I think death is probably even crueller than life. Maybe a coma so could potentially dream a happier a life for a few years at least before slipping away.