I want nothing more than to be able to view the relationship in the way that he does. To be able to say “yeah that was a good relationship, but it’s over now and time to move on.” I’m not able to see in anything other than black and white. My time with him was the happiest of my life, but because it ended, its all nothing but pain and suffering. He’ll always be remembered (unfairly) by me as the person who ruined my life, not as the amazing boyfriend he was. I’m afraid to ever be happy because the happy cannot co-exist with the bad, and the happier I am able to feel, the more cruel the pain is when it ends. My state of life is an on/off toggle that switches by the lightest touch. He wants to remain friends, and I love him so much, but there’s no other way for him to exist in my life without him being the bad guy. I’m tired of my life feeling like this.