My life is so fucking embarrassing that I struggle with the thought of even sharing it with a bunch of strangers on the internet.

My childhood was pretty privileged, I was brought up in very normal circumstances, I don’t have poor parenting or abuse or poverty to blame.

I’m 31 years old and still live at home with my Dad. I haven’t really had any friends since my Mum passed when I was 17 and shut myself off to the entire world. I have crippling anxiety and depression that has resulted in me having to quit my job last year as I was struggling to even make it in to the office and was having panic attacks mid conversation almost daily.

I hate everything about my body, I’m overweight with stretch marks due to rapid weight gain after my Mum passed, pretty much haven’t taken my shirt off around people ever since. I have horrible teeth due to neglecting them during my most depressed states, and can no longer afford to get them fixed even if my anxiety allowed me to try.

I’ve never had a girlfriend, and the thought of having to talk positively about myself to somebody on a date drives my anxiety through the roof so I don’t see that ever changing. Even if I didn’t have anxiety I’d struggle to find something positive to say.

I basically just lay on my bed all day at this point and think about ways I could kill myself. I’ve honestly thought about killing myself almost daily for over 10 years, it’s almost like a fantasy at this point and I’m too much of a bitch to follow through with it.

I am pretty much in the most de-motivated state of my life with Mount Everest standing between me and the version of myself that I maybe won’t hate, how can somebody possibly be bothered?