Trying my best to stay mentally strong, I’ve had numerous problems from my family. Never confessed this before but my parents were irresponsible for the most of my young life. I have a sister 3 years older than me and she has gone through a lot of emotional trauma over the years too. However being the first child in my family helped her avoiding some of the consequences(financially and mentally) caused due to irresponsibility of my parents and their choices in life. Without going into the intricacies, I’ve developed a hollow alter ego which I was always aware of that it was me, doing it purposefully to harden my heart through rough times. Before I was exposed to all of this I was described as a sensitive kid all my life but I quickly realized that being the way I am wasn’t helping me at all hence I had to put on a facade of having no emotions at all(it’s what I describe as being hollow). It was necessary that I stay this way to remain unaffected at the same time help my parents out of countless setbacks, it helped me and my family very much. We are now almost through the cycle of pain a few more things and we should be alright as a family with not much trouble around, it’s clear that this persona has been adaption due to the pain only caused my parents, they weren’t smart or should I say they were just immature committing mistakes all my life like losing multiple properties by selling them to invest in failed businesses and stuff. We close to being completely broke multiple times and in a 3rd world country being broke is almost the end of you as it will be extremely tough to ever have a decent living. So back to being hollow, despite being close to redemption day. I’m unable to shake off this trait in me it’s like I’m scarred for life now. I’ve only found out recently that I’m depressed I thought it was caused due to money problems but clearly I was wrong. Now Every small mistake that I make puts me in a state where I have nothing in me but sadness. I consider myself to be highly ambitious and even that doesn’t help I can’t concentrate or relax when I’m depressed. Just don’t know what to do, sharing a post once in a while on Reddit helps but most of the time I don’t even feel like seeking help. I’m 25 m never kissed a girl and remained a virgin. I’ve had many women in my life who forced me out on dates and tried their absolute best to keep me interested. Every single time I ended up ghosting them or completely removing them from my life. I don’t think I can live someone anymore, at times I don’t even know what it’s like to care about someone. It’s clear to me that I will be alone for a while now at-least until I sort this out. In short honestly I fucking hate my life.