My live in partner of two and a half years broke up and initially it was amicable and mutual but living together was just not a healthy situation for me. He told me he was seeing someone new and I snapped and told him he was a bad person and to leave the apartment until I find a new place. 

For like two days I was just super angry at him and convinced he was the asshole but I’ve been listening to a lot of bpd podcasts and realizing that I was emotionally abusing him throughout a lot of our relationship. It’s like I woke up and remembered everything without a splitting lens and I keep having flashbacks of all the shitty stuff I said. I feel horrible and I’ve kind of fallen into a bad depression just replaying everything and shame spiraling. 

I did find a place (moving in a week) and I’m accepting the relationship is over and I need to move on but I don’t know how to forgive myself for being so horrible. 

I am working on the DBT workbook and am on the waitlist for a DBT group in my area but I don’t know how to get through how bad I feel.