Don’t even know where to begin. I don’t know what triggered it or why. 
I went and got a standard std test in February 2022 (came back negative for everything except BV). That’s cool, I can deal with that. 
 
Then in March from my constant googling the obsession that I had HSV2 started. I ended up freaking out over fordyce spots (?) and went to the walk in clinic while silently crying in the waiting room. Doctor asked me if I was on anxiety medication (not yet).  I had scheduled a Pap smear for March anyways, and now my constant anxiety and obsession went full force. 

Shoved a mirror up my vag (because of course I would), and saw these tiny white bumps. Started googling again thinking I had hsv or hpv now. Went for my Pap smear at my family doctor (ended up being a nurse practitioner who had been working in an std clinic for over 20yrs coincidently). Broke down in front of her and she was very reassuring and calmed me down. Told me considering the fact that I haven’t had sex for two years it couldn’t possibly be hsv (and didn’t look remotely close to it).

Felt a bit better but still had anxiety in the back of my mind. Went home and did more googling convinced I had hpv (doctor was on the fence). Found out if you pour vinegar on hpv warts they turn white. Poured vinegar down there and promptly washed it off. But from that and the antibiotics for the BV I got a yeast infection and my ph was messed up. 

Any spot or pimple I got on my inner thighs I would book an appointment with the NP (she gave me her card). I stopped shaving down there because even the start of an ingrown hair would freak me out and I would cover it with a bandaid to not obsess over. After about the 3rd time, she evaluated me for depression anxiety and ocd. Prescribed me sertraline and I’ve been on it for a couple weeks now. But the side effects are so similar with hsv and I’m spiraling and having panic attacks now. Now I have hemorrhoids and redness and I’m freaking out more. I have a follow up appointment Tuesday anyways for the meds. And I’m still waiting on Pap smear results. In the past I’ve convinced myself I had an ectopic pregnancy, hidden pregnancy, HIV, prolapsed uterus, cold sore, blood clot etc. 

The NP said my anxiety has found a new home to obsess over. If you struggle with health anxiety how do you cope? Thanks for reading