I had an anxiety attack today. Not for the first time but it's the first time I've labeled it as such. Looking back on it, my first anxiety attack happened when I was 14. I had no idea why I was behaving the way I did in class because for the majority if my life I have bottled up feelings and built walls after walls to make my life look normal. I felt a need to keep things to myself, play down my own emotions, and keep trucking through problems because "that's how life is." 

I'm frustrated it took me forever to piece things together. I'm frustrated I cant turn the worry off no matter what steps I take to ease it. It's like an invasive app that just keeps on running in the background.

I dont know. I'm just tired, and frustrated, and I dont want to burden friends with this rant. As for family, they wouldnt understand and/or take a ridiculous amount of energy to reach an understanding with little payout.