Not sure who will read this. But I live with my sister, every since birth all I’ve wanted was a sister to play with and paint nails with. I never had that, she was always busy and pushing me away. So you can imagine that living with her is worse, when we argue it gets ugly fast. She has been controlling what I deserve to buy and what I don’t. I clean everything, she never picks up a thing. I feel like a slave. I got a job, I was so happy and excited cause I knew I could open a bank account and have some money for myself. But I think today I really found out that life doesn’t ever go the way anyone wants it, I know I’m dumb for realizing that now. But I’m only 18 I thought my plan was going to go alright. The minute she saw I made an account it was telling me when to pay rent. Basically telling me I won’t have any financial freedom for myself. Not even a dollar. My entire paycheck would be going to her to help rent which don’t get me wrong was something I already intended to do when I got my job. But it’s the fact that I wanted to just have a little bit of financial freedom, the feeling of not having to ask just not being a reality for me anymore. While she can buy all the slimes and plushies she wants. I just wanted a new pair of shoes, for 3 years that’s all I’ve wanted. I’ve been wearing my beat up converse and Reebok’s for over 3+ years now. Adult hood hasn’t been kind to me. I can see now why people turn to offing themselves for comfort. Every time I cry now all I can think about is ending it. It would make my problems and pains of the present go away. I know if I keep living it will be mainly sorrow and stress and anger. I looked up if Ibuprofen can make you overdose, and to be honest that’s the only thing I can get my hands on so if one day I don’t hold back that’s the first thing I’m going to reach for. You probably think I’m some selfish brat for wanting to off myself because I have to give up my whole check. I guess I deserve to be called that, I’ve been called a brat by my sister my whole life. I probably shouldn’t event be complaining. People go through so much worse, I shouldn’t complain. Im just a stupid woman. Im tired of feeling enslaved. Sorry you had to read this if you made it to the end.