I have no idea what to say here because I'm only 19 years old. I've been alone for so long that I'm unable to communicate with anyone. Not even just romantic loneliness I've never been in a relationship but general loneliness. Even my friends are not with me. 

Recently, I've also felt really suicidal; I can't stand this complete isolation any more. When I do get a chance to speak with someone, I seldom ever even manage to construct a complete thought. A girl is unimportant. fkn stutter, fkn stutter. Even when I have something in mind, it is quite tough for me to express it. Exactly who would be patient enough to hear me out? How could someone be drawn to me even if I tried to talk to them? I can't even communicate with them clearly. 

I'm so overcome with fear that I'm unable to even leave the house or communicate with anyone online. Although I'll occasionally comment, I can't genuinely engage in a discussion or develop any sort of friendship or relationship. 
I've tried every kind of online dating app, and every time I get the numbers, the person just disappears. Couples holding hands, cuddling, and other affectionate gestures catch my eye as I look around. I return home alone and consider suicide soon not for any particular reason, just because this life is annoying.