About a year ago, I made a friend, online. We loved talking to each other and she was the kindest person I had ever met. So I asked her out and we started dating. At the time I did have another friend - I later found out that friend was pretending, out of pity, because she knew I had never had any. Which is true. Up until last year my life was excessively boring, painfully slow and woefully lonely. I had never achieved anything. I still haven't. 

So many bad things happened in our relationship and in-between friendships. We have both called each other out for abusive behavior. I don't know if things were ever truly good. But I love her and she loves me. Not in the same way anymore, but she loves me. There is so much going on in my head right now that I don't have much to say. I have no idea what happened today but she gave up on me. After promising she wouldn't leave. She promised the same, in regards to our relationship before, while I was having a bout of extreme paranoia about her abandoning me. And then she broke up with me because of it. I forgot to mention, but I have Borderline Personality Disorder. As well, it is possible that I may be Bipolar.

I thought I had been doing well recently. She recognized that I had been trying. But she keeps telling me that she's suffering. And she knows I'm suffering too. But what she doesn't understand is that I suffer more without her. 

She blocked me everywhere. I have tried contacting her through Whatsapp, Snapchat, Instagram, Steam and Gmail (through four different accounts). I had proposed that we take a break for one to two months instead of separating but she doesn't seem to want to try anymore. 

I recognize all the terrible things that have happened in our relationship and all the things that were wrong with it. But I have no one else. I'm not close to my family, and believe me I have tried. I have no other friends. I have been trying to make friends for 18 years and she's the only one who's taken me.

I am alone. Again. Please help me.