I feel my anger issues and BPD may be correlated, but not 100% sure if BPD is the cause of it.

I’ve always had anger issues. It’s very sporadic and depends on my interpersonal interactions. Lately though, I’ve been really losing my temper over the tiniest things, and it’s so exhausting. I feel physically drained after my outbursts, I get a migraine, nausea, and all these other unpleasant physiological symptoms.

After every outburst, I tell myself I’ll do better next time because I hate the way I make myself and my partner feel. I even feel angry with my dogs. I find myself splitting, and telling them they’re fucking stupid if they do something wrong. I’ll often scream into my pillow or just wallow in my anger, so much to the point where I’ll tear, but it’s angry crying.

I HATE this side of me. It makes me feel disgusted with myself, and sometimes wonder if death is the only route. If I were the only being on earth and incapable of hurting anyone’s emotions, then I wouldn’t care so much, but it’s so fucking embarrassing and shameful.

Is anger management effective? What the hell can I do? I feel it gets worse as I age.