Hey guys, so I’m not currently diagnosed with bpd (and I’m not trying to self diagnose here either) but I do identify with a lot of the symptoms and was wondering if it’s a possibility.  I had always thought I didn’t have any issues either abandonment, but then I was thinking - what if it manifests in a different way?

I’ve noticed I find it difficult to date people I really like. I can date people I just casually like fine, but if they seem like someone I could marry  I can’t do it. For example, last year there was a boy in my class who I realised had a crush on me, and after thinking about it a little I realised I liked him too. But there was no way I could make a move towards him, not because of fear of rejection but knowing that as we’re both teenagers it’s not going to last and he was so special and I can’t get that close to him just to have it end and never speak to him again. 

I feel like I’m always waiting for my current friends and family to abandon me as well, but I haven’t been making any effort to avoid it because I have (diagnosed) adhd and remembering to keep in contact and check emails and send letters and such is so hard and I get overwhelmed so easily. Even if they don’t abandon me I think they should because I don’t feel worthy enough for them.

I do identify with at least seven out of nine symptoms (all but abandonment issues and idealising and devaluation) and even the two I DON’T identify with I think it’s possible they could be manifesting differently. I haven’t spoken to my psychiatrist about it so I don’t know if I fit the clinical threshold in any of them though.

My psych nurse told me that if I keep going like this a personality disorder diagnosis looks like it would happen in a few years, but she also said that she does not want me to be diagnosed with one at all because she said no one would treat me. I’m 16 and I know bpd is normally diagnosed in adulthood so I think it’s unlikely I actually meet the criteria but I was just wondering about the abandonment thing. Any thoughts would be appreciated.