Had a panic attack a month and a half ago, pretty sure I have anxiety but I don’t have panic attacks anymore, just this horrible sadness and feeling of dread and general unease CONSTANTLY. Recently I’ve been having near constant thoughts in my brain where I question everything, what I’m thinking, why I’m thinking it. Everything feels unnatural and all my thoughts feel forced. I’m thinking about thinking. Even my inner monologue feels jolted and strange. I’m not letting my brain do what it wants and I don’t know how to stop. I know I have derealisation but my loopy thought patterns are the worst part by far. I’m in therapy but how do I even begin to describe a problem so bizarre? Even know I can’t get the full extent of it into words. 

It feels like there’s no coming back from this. I’ve lost my life, all because I’ve overthought thinking. I’m so embarrassed bc this truly does feel like a problem nobody else has ever gone through. I’m jealous of people who can catch a break during the day, because there’s truly no moments I feel anything other than anguish to different degrees. I wish I had normal anxiety, this is just insanity.