I’ve been thinking about suicide in multiple points in my life, I haven’t had the best childhood and I argue a lot with my parents, Both my parents get angry at me
For the slightest things, I dont feel like I have freedom even whilst im 17 years old.

I don’t feel loved, I cant even remember the last time my mother told me I love you, the last hug I have got, and times I mentioned it they will always say that I overreact since they always do things for me like buy me stuff, but honestly it feels like the only thing they can give me is materialistic stuff and money. I haven’t feel loved in a while and I feel tired, real tired. When I bring it up my parents say its nothing dont overreact, instead of comforting me asking me whats going with me. I feel like they dont care about me, they never show me.

I think I have a depression, Im scared I have a depression but I dont know what to do, it comes and goes sometimes I feel good and I can enjoy things but sometimes I feel tired of everything, of life. Sometimes I get the urge to end it all give myself rest, peace. No more stress no more arguments, no more problems.

I don’t know what to do, I’m scared of death but sometimes it feels like the best option, i’ve been looking for the best ways to kill myself but I cant seem to bring myself to really do it, I think I want to but im scared I dont know, I just want peace. I wanna go.
Im afraid death will hurt thats why I bought a helium tank, I hope it will end me painless. I’m here to vent because I dont really know if I want this but it feels like the best way. The easiest way. I just dont feel okay, I dont feel happy.
Im sorry that im not enough.
Goodbye.