I feel like no one knows the real me. I remember I was going through a really bad time and my friend let's call her s kept asking me what was wrong and I kept hiding. She means too much to me and I was so scared that if I showed her that side of me that would ruin the friendship I love so much. To a lot of people they see a person who is sweet, happy, caring, and smart. Here's the real me. A sad, cynical, bitter, and angry person who hates the past but finds solace in it. My friend jj she's one of my favourite people and she's been incredibly open with me and yet I close my heart and put up that shield. I try to be steely eyed but in all actuality I'm too emotional. The great thing about a persona is that you get to be someone you're not. You get to choose the traits you have and present yourself differently. People wear make up to look better and I wear my mask to conceal the demon that lurks within me. I'm so scared of taking off the mask because everytime I do it ends badly. It ends with people leaving me when im the most vulnerable. It's why I get so nervous when people are short with me. Every day I'm closer to being another number. The truth scares me but I know the lie is worse. I've fought my battles and I'm too tired to keep trying. My mask is the white flag. My mask is my comfort but also my own prison cell and I don't know where the key is to open the door. I'm just broken.