This is really making me feel horrible today. I can’t ever seem to remember clearly the times in my recent life when I’ve had lots of fun. Or felt wanted and validated/appreciated. It’s like the memory fades so quickly. I had amazing sex with a guy last month and I can barely remember it...I can barely remember his face. I can remember negative things with 1000% accuracy and in full detail tho. It’s like I set myself up for splitting/fearing abandonment bc I can never hold onto the good times. It’s like I have to have constant validation and positive reinforcement bc I forget it so quick. And whenever I perceive myself as failing it’s 100x worse bc I feel like I don’t even *deserve* anything good or positive. Ugh I just want to scream and cry. 