I work four days a week due to my anxiety but this week I had five days off due to a covid scare. My fiance’s work place had to shut down due to everyone getting covid and I was showing symptoms so my boss didnt want me to come in until I got tested and I got the weekend off which resulted in me being off for five days. 

Well, my fiance and I both tested negative and I am devastated. It sounds so shitty to be devastated over that but I was hoping it might be positive so I could get a few more days off. Now I have to go back to work tomorrow and I am just dreading it. During these past five days, even while being sick, I felt so much mentally better. I actually started doing my hobbies. Usually I am too exhausted after work to do anything, and then on my days off, I am recovering from the work week. Three days off isn’t enough to recover but by the third day I start getting my energy back and am able to do some things like chores and maybe an hour or two of a hobby but then I get anxiety in the night before I have to go back and that carefree feeling disappears. 

I am so sick of this. The past two years I wasn’t working because I had a really bad assault that happened at work and I ended up in a psychiatrist hospital and needing therapy. My therapist cleared me to go back to work so I found another job, and this job is a lot better than my last but the anxiety is still there and my work related issues/fears still have not resolved themselves. 

I don’t know how I am going to keep living like this for the next forty years of my life.