I feel like I'm drowning in slow motion. Everything around me is triggering. I can't get away from the past. 

My sister moved in with my abuser, who abused me so badly I ended up getting hospitalized. Both of my sisters are so fucking invalidating, and so are all their friends. They keep coming over and I can't be around them so I'm just a prisoner in my house. 

Everyone says I'm just a lying manipulator who does nothing but play victim. They dont believe for a second that I was actually abused _even though they were fucking there_?????? 

I can't fucking stand all the invalidation and finger pointing. Every day I get closer to relapsing again. Just lost a streak of 325 days and now I'm probably gonna lose this one too. I don't know what to fucking do. My therapist is leaving me next week so I oy have one appointment left. 

I don't even know how to fucking explain what's wrong because it's constantly been the same fucking thing. all I can say is same shit different day. that's all it is. all I can do is sleep and smoke and isolate. 

Ive been on this rollar coaster for too long and I would like to get off please.