I'm not sure if delusional conclusions is an apt enough term, apologies in advance if it isn't.

I've been dissociating real bad for a while now which mixed in with my splitting and general anxiety/panic attacks has lead to me adopting quite an out there and possibly dangerous construct of my own perceived reality. 

Today I had an especially terrifying experience whilst walking my dog which led to me talking myself into believing the aforementioned construct. Whenever I leave the house I instantly zone way out and become very much focused on my breathing which leaves everything else feeling dream like and out of reach. The walk becomes very similar to the feeling of being high but without  wanting to be. This I'm ok with. I've a reasonable amount of experience pushing through bad trips and so I just keep on keeping on and it becomes my new norm. I almost take on the role of being stoned because it feels as though it's so glaringly obvious to anyone walking by me that I'm high and so I just lean into it to justify my paranoia in a way. ( Just an aside quickly, I'm sorry, I suck at communicating and so this is gonna feel like filler or like ramble storytelling but I don't know how much info is relevant so please bare with me on this if you think you may be able to help at all). So I notice whilst walking through a secluded wooded area that I'm completely numb/hollow which while not an uncommon feeling when I'm experiencing a dissociative state, it's never a comforting feeling. Then I start almost nodding in &amp; out of consciousness (was experiencing a panic attack) and I just start moving as quick as I can to get to a more built up area because I'm almost certain that I'm about to die.

So the panic passes, I'm not dead - regardless of how real it all felt - and my mind starts going crazy putting all these links together and coming up with an answer to why I'm splitting and dissociating so bad. I finish on an idea which seems the only possible reason for all this pain after putting all the pieces together and I'm worried because I've latched myself onto this idea. I feel as though what I'm experiencing "day to day" is actually like some sort of conscious projection to protect me from what's really going on which is obviously far too overwhelming for my consciousness to deal with and so it's put me here while it heals or something. I know this sounds crazy but like you hear all the time that when people experience NDE's their brains flood their body with hormones and stuff to ease the suffering. I'm not a scientist but I've got the idea into my head that I'm actually in a psyche ward in a severe condition or just in a gutter somewhere on the cusp of death and experiencing some form of hallucination and any minute I'm going to fade back in and be thrown back into whatever unthinkable suffering that caused me to escape to this little bolt-hole dream like getaway. It's clear to me that I'm experiencing some severe existential dread but I need advice on getting away from this dark idea that my imagination has constructed because it feels all to real a possibility.