TW: suicidal ideation. 

Like I can’t imagine things being better and I  feel powerless. I feel like I just don’t want to feel this dread any more. 

It’s like a sense of impending doom, like feeling so anxious I want to die but yet I don’t—and it gets so aggravating that I just want to go ahead and die just to stop feeling like I am about to die. 

Idk it’s hard to be coherent about it. I have one friend who understands because she has the same experiences. 

I really envy people who can compartmentalize to the point of derealozation/depersonalization  even though I know that is not healthy either.