and I don't wanna have to worry about when they're gonna let go. I need someone to tell me it's all gonna be ok and that they're not gonna leave, and I wanna believe them this time. I'm just so sad all the time and it feels like nothing can fix it, like my heart's just got a big hole on it and no matter how much therapy or medication or reassurance I get, it'll never go away. I feel like I'm falling apart more every day but I can't let people know just how bad it feels all the time or they'll get scared. I feel like there's no way out of this. someone just fucking kill me so I don't have to do it myself.