Ever since I was little people would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up or what I like to do for fun, but I never had an awnser. I would always tell people that I like playing video games or watching TV, but the older I get the more I realize that those things aren't fun, they are a distraction from the seemingly-everlasting unrelenting monotony of everyday life. When I think about my career or my future plans for life, there is not a single thing I want to spend every day doing even if I got paid for it.

When I was really young I would go to bed and thing about the idea of death and get a sort of excestential dread, but now I get that feeling whenever I think about my future. Life is both so boring and so overwhelming at the same time I just want to curl up in a corner and stop existing.

For as long as I can remember I have simulated most emotions, I would act happy or excited to not bring the mood down, and I thought it was like that for everyone. It's just so hard to keep going when everything seems so pointless and boring. Every time I find something good about life, something equally or even more bad/stressful comes with it, it's just so dumb.