I’ve been depressed my whole life. I have ptsd from a neglectful and emotionally abusive mother. My dad died , but he wasn’t really that involved in my life either. Obviously I know where my pain and abandonment issues come from. I tried finding a relationship, I would get attached , but they were always abusive as well. I wanted to stay even though they hurt me in terrible ways. My last relationship was with an alcoholic who dumped me for someone much younger , and although I’m over him and wouldn’t want to be with him again, it sent me spiraling down into a deep depression again. My moods are mostly down , I can’t get out of bed except to work , eat , drink water … every once in a while I will exercise. It doesn’t help that I live in ny and work in fashion , so the superficiality of it all gets to me. I feel alone and it seems the men here only want to hook up and play games. It’s just been so tough lately. I honestly want to kill myself but i know that won’t happen , but I fear it might if I have to endure another ten years of this pain. I’m doing work on myself , I try to do all the things you should do but nothing seems to help. I guess I’m going to try and Medicate myself but I’m afraid to go numb and lose my ability enjoy sex. I hope all of you out there are doing ok. This life isn’t easy. I really wish I hadn’t been born. 🖤