So I'm new to the whole reddit thing, this is my first reddit post, never used it before, but since reading some people's posts I feel a lot safe in this space

Onto what this post really is, I'm regressing back into the person I used to be, I'm 19,i live in south Africa, and am losing touch with myself again, for the past few months things have been great, i was happy, I was 6 months clean off heroin, was in a very happy relationship, my father was finally in a pysch ward so he could leave me and my mother alone, but lately everything has just changed, i haven't eaten a couple days (which is bad since I really struggled with my weight) my partner left me (as much as I can bitch and moan about it, I am glad that the reason they left is so they can sort their life out, and try overcome trauma that had happened to them in their past) I smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day even though I used to not even go through half throughout a day. I used to be a shit person, I used to really be scum, drinking every day, doing a lot of substances which really fucked with my day to day life, i used to miss school for a week at a time because I was too gone mentally to be in any sort of social environment. Now I contemplate why am I even here? I'm starting to hate all the things I once loved, I get myself in so many dangerous situations and I feel like I'm unknowingly doing it on purpose i dont know why. I'm pushing all my friends away again, i don't really have a friend circle, everyone is moving forward with their lives and then it's just me who can't, I'm alone where I am, no matter how hard I try to push forward I just can't. I don't know if I can continue functioning the way i do, telling my family I'm sleeping at a friends just so i can leave the house, drink, and sleep on a bench in the park? I don't know what to do. I don't know what's went wrong. I am regressing into my old self.

 so yeah I know this message is all over the place, I've never written on Reddit before? Or even written about how i feel? Hopefully I did an alright job.