We were best friends since high school, but after graduation we kind of drifted apart a little. Last year, she got engaged and started to plan her wedding. She even came to my house to ask me to be one of her bridesmaids. In my head, she only asked me because we were once best friends and she felt the need to. I told her one month before her wedding that I wasn’t attending because I was scared of COVID, which in reality was true, but it was waaay more than that. Her wedding was yesterday and she sent me a very angry text (with every right to) telling me how much I hurt her by doing this and how heartbroken she was when I told her. I then fully explained that I let anxiety get the best of me. I told her how every little detail was making me feel so overwhelmed that I felt like I couldn’t go. I do think she sorta of understood, but I don’t think she fully understands how I truly felt. I explained to her all the thoughts I had like how I thought of my dress, how I was gonna get to her wedding since I don’t drive and had no plus one, what I was going to eat, what if I didn’t like the food and fainted because of how hot it was outside? what if I throw up in the middle of the ceremony? what if I need to use the restroom in the middle of the ceremony again? what if no one talks to me? and so so much more. I felt so overwhelmed the weeks before that I was feeling physically sick. And her answer was that she could’ve asked her parents to give me a ride and that she would’ve told me it was okay and that I should go. I haven’t responded yet because I don’t want to look like I’m trying to make up excuses. I don’t know what to tell her anymore because she was always so outgoing, popular, had so many friends and had no idea how it felt to be physically sick from being “too nervous”. I even told her I felt bad because I hate that I can’t go out and go to weddings like normal people, without a single worry in mind and not overthinking every single detail. I used to think people were huge assholes and that’s why I don’t have any friends really, but now I’m thinking I’m the asshole. 

Has anyone ever been through this?