Everytime I have a breakdown I feel like I go in a circle for the longest time. At the beginning I’m so sad because I hate how I’m living and I think about how many more years I have to wake up early how many more years I have to work how many more years I have to struggle how many more years I have to keep giving and never receive but then I start thinking when did you start thinking you were a good person? What makes you think you love more than you are loved? You’re such a terrible person why would people love you? You feeling bad for yourself proves that you are a bad person. I tried therapy for a couple sessions but I never felt better I actually got a lot worse for a while. I don’t know I’m just so tired. I could have 2 weeks off of work and school and life but the minute I’m back it’s like I didn’t get a break in the first place. But then I feel bad about not being productive? And then I have periods of where I’m not sad at all and I can live like a normal person and not feel insecure Everytime I want to talk to a friend not having to think they feel like it’s a chore to talk to me and I don’t have to feel insecure about the things I normally feel insecure about. But I feel like I self sabotage because I don’t know what it’s like to not be sad maybe I think I don’t deserve to be happy?