Does anyone else feel like their life is always a chaos? How come do I never have a break? I am 25f with mixed personality disorder (big chunk of it BPD), cPTSD, ED and who knows what else next to the officially diagnosed things. I keep jumping from one relationship to another. I swear, in 7 years with all the relationships I’ve been in I don’t think that I even had more than couple weeks without having sex with someone. 

There is always an enormous amount of work or study. And whenever it gets a bit more relaxing and just get something else. For example, I’m finishing a 3 year post master program this year and I’m already trying to have two additional post master degrees. I just starting getting a hold of work as a senior at my job and trying to go for an early manager promotion. Each relationship I have gets messier and more intense. And my BPD is managed, I have extensive therapy for years, do all the work, journaling etc. And yet I keep trying to pull more of the blanket.

It is a never ending chaotic blur and I feel like while trying to manage everything I’m missing out on my life. 

And just last week I signed up to learn Spanish on top of 4 languages I already speak (???). Im afraid of burning out but I cannot stop. 

I have a date with someone tomorrow while seeing my FP who is not ready for a commitment and that’s why I decided to do 2 relationships. What am I doing…? 

Anyone else feels the same?