I just broke up with my partner of 5 years. He was abusive in that he completely isolated me from all of my friends that I have ever had, made us extremely co-dependent on each other, we called all night on Zoom, he went to the same university as me, joined the same extra circulars, walked me to every class, texted me all day, and I had to drive him too and from school because he can’t drive and I would feel incredibly guilty if I didn’t. He would always accuse me of being romantic with any friends that I would try to make, saying things like I am “standing to close” to them or I sent a heart to my closest friend because their fucking dog had to be put down and we got in a 5 hour screaming match over it. But now being away from him feels like I’m fucking dying. I feel like I am incapable of anyone liking me, I am so disgusting and no one will ever love me or actually want to be around me ever again. I can’t even sleep anymore because if I take a sleep aid I dream and it’s of him. I haven’t been eating, and my personal hygiene has been terrible. I today I hung out with some friends I tried to make in highschool, and I feel like I push them away by constantly telling them how much h I appreciate them wanting to hang out with me, and I feel like I try to overcompensate and I end up acting extremely cringey. This is some of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt in my life.