Hello everyone,

recently (about a month ago) I got out of a relationship, that ended fairly ugly too. And my ex said things to me I have a hard time dealing with. For instance that everything I talked to people about regarding our relationship, that they all carried it on over to her. That she just is that kind of person who gets told stuff. So when I talked about her and our relationship, they all told her immediately.

I talked to other people about our relationship mostly because I wanted to know if I am irrational in what I dislike, or if what I feel is missing is just delusional or me misunderstanding things, or if I am just paranoid. 

And while that already ignited my paranoia manyfold, as it turns out it wasn't completely wrong either. Because she WAS cheating on me. She had an affair more or less the moment we started dating. So all my fears, all my feelings of her distancing herself from me, which caused me to become more clingy and whiny, all of these feelings were correct.

During the breakup I talked to someone only tertiarily knowing my ex about what happened. But the following days it felt like that person was avoiding me. So my paranoia hit overload. And then it turns out I was right again, they were avoiding me because apparently they talked to my Ex and felt like I was lying about everything I said about them, and that now they never want to see me again.

It's now a month past all that, and despite trying to reinvent myself, go to new places, meet new people, I cannot get rid of this paranoia. This self hatred. Every time someone I like looks too much at someone else, or invites them over more than me, I feel like they prefer them to me, that I am alienating them. That soon I will find out that my paranoid fears were correct.

How do I turn this off? How can I stop feeling? I'm so afraid!