I had the privilege of being good friends with a brilliant woman with BPD. 

Everything was wonderful until she asked me out on a date, and misinterpreted my response as a rejection. Long story short, I became devalued, painted black, and discarded. She made up all sorts of slander and lies about me in an effort to destroy my reputation. My heart was completely shattered; it felt like I was living a waking nightmare. 

After many months had passed, I check up on her on social media. To my surprise, I find that she legitimately feels immense guilt and regret over what she did. Putting myself in her shoes, I feel really bad for her myself. Despite everything she did to me, I don't consider her a bad person, nor do I wish any ill will against her. I don't want her to spend the rest of her life carrying this burden of guilt, shame, and sadness. I've considered what it would be like in her shoes to try to reach out to me. It would seem extremely nerve-wracking and virtually impossible; most people would be rude or unfriendly in response, harbor grudges, and ultimately be unable to forgive such behavior. I know she would assume the worst, that I would tell her she is a bad or evil person, flawed, unloveable, worthless, etc, even though I don't actually think this about her. She knows I am a lot more empathetic and understanding than most people, but it might still be too risky from her perspective.

I am wondering what I should do in this scenario. If you were in the place of this woman, what, if anything, would you want me to do? At one point we loved each other, and I feel obligated to somehow assuage her guilt and shame over what happened. I care about her and I truly believe that she is a good person inside, albeit one who suffers from emotional instability. One of the first thing she told me about herself is that she engages in self-harm; if she were to harm herself over what happened, I would feel horribly guilty myself, constantly thinking of what I could have done to prevent it.