I'm so lonely it's ridiculous. My bf works so much, I have no friends, I can't talk to my mom, and my dad is away for a while. I really feel hopeless and worthless, but I can't go to any psych ward because of COVID because I'm not suicidal, only  wanting to self-harm. I've haven't had self-harm thoughts since high school and that was like, two decades ago but I'm under so much stress that I just want any release. I don't know what to do or how to cope with this. I'll soon be seeing my bf for only one day a week for a full day for the next.... god only knows how long. 

I also am without my dog now since he passed last year and I'm super needy and I just... I don't know. Now I'm fucking crying. 

I just don't know how to stop the feeling of wanting to hurt myself. If anybody knows, please let me know.  I hurt so bad right now inside. It feels like my bones are hollow and cold. I won't self-harm. I just feel like I want to. I refuse to hurt myself though, I'm too competitive with myself to do so (and not shitting on people that do, this is just a me thing). I'm still apprehensive to post here because I still am at a loss for what can and can't be talked about here.

Anyway, I hope everybody else is doing okay. Peace.