I feel guilty for not being able to be well. Especially when I’m being loved and gifted with lots of care, concern, a roof over my head, and family and friends. I have everything needed for my parents to raise a good and healthy child. But I am not well. I realised I had depression when I was 14/15 and now I’m 23 going 24. I dropped out of uni when I was overseas because I was gg to kms. I took medication since 18 and went to therapy but it’s been so long. I’m a failure. I don’t want to try anymore. I feel guilty because there was nothing that made me like this. I mean yeah some bad things but nth crazy. I’m so lucky to be in this position but I want to die. I have friends who care and a boss who cares. I’m not doing well at work as it’s sales based but my boss still keeps me around and encourages me. My friends are telling me to keep going. My parents and my sisters love me. I have everything needed to fight on but I’m tired and I want to end it all. I’m tired and all I do right now is sometimes go to work, sleep all the time and eat and shit lol. I’m scared of killing myself because of the pain and a fear of heights. I’m so so tired. Why is it so hard to create a routine. Why is it so hard to feel refreshed. 

I feel even worse when I know that people who go through worse things are strong and here I am weak as shit and I just feel so bad.