I went to a treatment center to heal from trauma. The psychiatrist said she wouldn’t put the diagnosis on my records. I had fits of anger and rage at legitimate things at the treatment center, primarily at not having my needs met and feeling unsafe and just being in fight or flight. This made the providers unhappy with me. After a day of trauma processing in group, my therapist told me someone in group broke confidentiality and complained about me and my therapist said “I’m clearly not stable.” (Side note - this therapist told a client she herself had BPD and in one of my anger statements at her i said that was why she kept mistreating me during therapy and that i knew she had it.) When I was improving!! So much!! I was so stable. I had a suicidal episode the next day, was hospitalized for three or four days, and the treatment center kicked me out and gave me the borderline personality disorder diagnosed.

I have been trying to avoid having this on my medical record my whole life. I’m so scared about what my life will be like now. I feel miserable and like I did this to myself. 

I feel also like it’s my fault. I stigmatized my therapist for hers in my anger and she slapped it on me and I FAILED MY OWN TRAUMA TREATMENT. I feel tainted for life. How will anyone want to marry me if I have a PERSONALITY DISORDER?! The worst one?!