I don't know what to do. I don't even really know if I have BPD but there is something wrong with me. I overslept and was late to work today. I caused someone I ride with to be late and I felt like the world's biggest asshole for about 30 minutes. I got to work and suddenly I was over it and all was well and I was laughing and having a good old time (well, for being at work). Then an hour later I realize I haven't heard from the guy I've been seeing for long enough to wonder what's up so I casually text him and proceed to want to kill myself all day.  I start crying at work and cannot stop. My asshole sister tells me just to take up drinking and start hanging out in bars so I won't feel so lonely. Makes it worse. I just can't get ahold of myself and I can't afford treatment and I have no idea what to do but I'm afraid I'm eventually just going to kill myself because it never gets better. I'm exhausting to others. I just don't know. I just needed to say that to someone. Thanks for letting me get it out.

tl;dr I suck.