My friend (15NB), let’s call them Sam, has serious anxiety and regularly experiences physical tics. Their father died of an unexpected heart attack about a year ago. They most likely also have ADHD (but that’s just speculation from me and two other friends of ours. We all have it and we’ve noticed some signs). I knew all of this beforehand because we’re part of an extremely close friend group of 4. Lately, they’ve been acting much weirder than normal, and a couple days ago I asked them about what was up. They’d been super irritable and wouldn’t talk to us about anything. But when I asked them what was up, it took a fuck ton of convincing (I’m talking like an hour of cajoling them into confiding in me over text) before they told me.

They’ve been suicidal for 4 years, and I’m the only person they’ve ever told. According to them, they’ve never attempted suicide or even gotten close to doing so. But they think about it a lot. They have a lot of anxiety over school and over their home life, which isn’t exactly bad or abusive but also doesn’t feel like a very safe space to them. Their older sister is heavily autistic and has given them anxiety attacks several times before. Their mom is wonderful and I love her, but she’s a widow as of last year and a single mother of 3 children, with a busy job and a lot to deal with. Sam feels extremely guilty burdening anyone with their problems (which is why it took them 4 years to tell just one person). That’s likely why they are so adamantly against their mom finding out.

The next day (yesterday) I told my Psychology 2 teacher about the whole situation, saying everything important for him to know except for their name. I asked him for advice because he’s the most trustworthy adult at school I know, and as a psychology teacher he knows a lot about these things. I wanted to know what my best course of action was for dealing with this, and how I could help Sam in any way I could. Among a lot of good advice he gave me, much of which seemed obvious and I had already been doing but was still good to hear said out loud, he told me to convince them to go to a counselor. I completely agreed with this and am currently doing everything in my power to do so.

After this, I went to my guidance counselor (a very trustworthy man I’ve known since middle school) and gave him the same information. He expressed similar sentiments and concerns as to what my Psych teacher said, and said that if I cannot convince my friend to seek professional help from the school psychologist or another therapist by their own accord, it is my obligation to tell him (or Sam’s counselor) who they are so they can get the help they need. Which, again, I agree with. They need help, and I should help them in any way I can, whether they see it as a betrayal of trust or not.

My dilemma lies in the fact that they don’t seem to be in any sort of near immediate danger. They haven’t come close to committing suicide before, as far as they have told me, and their life has noticeably improved a lot in the past 6 or so months. They seem happy enough, and even though I know for a fact they would benefit greatly from therapy, they really don’t want their mom finding out and will do anything to prevent that. Seeing as I’m their only confidant and it took a lot for them to tell me, I’m afraid of what my “betrayal” would do to their mental health and how comfortable they feel at home. I don’t want to make things worse. I love them so much and I just want them to be happy.

Please, any advice at all that you have for me is greatly appreciated. I need help. I don’t know what to do.

Thank you.