Just as a precursor I should say that I have no intention of ‘literally’ killing myself and that is not something that is likely to ever happen.

However I feel a want to be able to accept death and more importantly to have the ability to be able to kill myself and additionally be able to actively want to kill myself. These things don’t feel possible at the minute, my mind is stopping itself from actively wanting to kill itself.

It may sound like a strange thing to want, but it feels very restrictive right now to not have that in my repertoire and I believe it would help me to have that power and control over my own self. So I’m wondering if anyone has any advice on how to achieve this.