does anyone else find that they have convinced themselves of something almost completely untrue and then realize the truth about something and it hits you like Woah... but you carry on with your life living the lie? 

just to give an example: about 2 years ago i started doing drugs and ended up being on them very heavily. but, throughout it all i kept the narrative that yes, i do drugs often. but i’m not ON drugs. now, half a year after getting off of them i look back on it and i’m like oh yeah i was on drugs pretty bad, huh. and then 2 hours later i’m back to having never had a drug problem. 

is this a bpd thing or am i just like this? please lmk