I was laid off of my job at the beginning of the month because I let my work related license lapse .(for context I work full time and am in school which I feel like I still attend to placate my heavy feeling of feeling useless) Yesterday was my first day back and I’ve been reflecting in retrospect how much worse my mental state is compared to where I was a month ago. I felt like I was getting somewhere and then my weekly structure crumbled at its core. I couldn’t pay for anything and pondered fasting as a way to loose weight and save money because I’m deathly afraid to dip into my savings what little I have. I stayed awake until 5-6am in a dark room staring into nothing hoping it would just become perpetual and I wouldn’t have to go through the hundred foot waves of emotion and anxiety I get daily.