Even before dating I made it clear smoking is not okay and will never be, and he said he felt the same way. I found out yesterday that he had been smoking with family/friends about once a week for a few months since his grandpa’s death. I was heartbroken and tried to be understanding but more than anything felt an instant distance between us. When I went to work afterward, I felt incredibly nauseated by the thought of him smoking and doing it behind my back. I can’t stop this feeling now. Every time I think of him I think of him smoking behind my back and I feel nauseous, disgusted and hateful. He promised me he would quit, and said that he had plans to get a lip piercing very soon that would force him to stop for 4 months anyway which would help the quitting process. I still can’t stop thinking about it. What if he is lying about other things and hasn’t told me? I was really distant with him this morning and he noticed, but I told him I’m just feeling low energy today. 

I love him a lot, he has been my FP since the day I met him 5 years ago. When I am feeling normal, I cannot imagine being with anyone else or having a future without him. Right now I can’t even bear to think of him. He is so loving and kind, he is patient and understanding of my BPD. I know if I were to take a step back from all of this and looked at the big picture, I wouldn’t be feeling this way and I would be confident that this is just a small hiccup in our relationship. But my splitting is making this really hard right now. Any advice on what to do?