I honestly feel like a walking contradiction, I've pushed out many people now and had trouble with friends for a while now, even if it is that things are not my fault. It most definitely is in my mind, I've never felt more alone yet I still wouldn't want those people back. I see a lot of media and clips, and my own old personal photos from candid shots and video's people had taken of me and of others, I don't have many as I can't really stand to see myself unless it's controlled. But I was happy for the most part. It makes me feel lonelier and the most part a bit of a saddo.

I've decided to call it quits in my relationship today, this time for good, over text, shittest way I could have. I've felt a mental decline for a while, I don't feel loved anymore. I don't think they do either. 

I thought I was doing a lot better since I last posted on here, I've tried to go to the gym lately, and I'm trying to learn how to drive, possibly university in September. I feel it will all be a waste, I'm happy I got this far, 18, and in July I'd be 19.  It upset me to know I'd most likely be hurting my parents the most. It's not selfish of me.

I'm so tired.  Tomorrow I'm just having a haircut, I may be removing myself from social media platofrms, I'm taking this one day at a time but it's hard.