I moved to a different city for school when I was 19. My mental health was relatively good, and I had great relationships with both my family and friends.

 

Past 10 years have been very difficult mentally. I was diagnosed with an illness and the medication I take for them makes my depression and anxiety unbearable. I have lost so many jobs because I can’t focus enough to not get let go or I resign myself before my mess becomes apparent to others. My sister had been asking me to move in with her as being close to family would provide support I need. I resisted at first then finally gave in.

 

Now I have been here for 2 months, and it has just made it worse. Our deal was that she won’t ask or force me to meet people including my relatives and friends that stayed in town. The truth is I do want to meet them when they gather to go out, play badminton, go to movies etc. But I feel so pathetic and get physically ill just at the thought of seeing how settled and successful they are. If I go and see all that, it will just break me down and no way I would be able to stop crying and screaming in front of everyone. Please don’t get me wrong, I am very happy for them, and they have earned it. I just wish my family knew the reason.

 

I have literally nothing to have an ego for. I have failed at pretty much everything in life. I have no relationships, I barely pay rent, can’t take care of myself, massive drinking problem that only stopped because I can’t drink at my sister’s place. The truth is I have zero respect for myself and think absolute low of myself. What makes is worse is that I was always good at school and my first job, so the expectations are quite high.

 

Can anyone relate? 

Thank you for reading.