partly because i'm hungover (i'm a dog groomer and i don't want to work with dogs if i'm dizzy or anything, feels unsafe for both parties) and partly because i just. couldn't today. and i knew it would give me another point at work and give me my first strike, but i did it anyways and fucked over my coworker who has to work alone now, which SUCKS. i'm just frozen with crippling anxiety and guilt, laying down and feeling awful. i know i'm the jerk in this situation, but bpd brain is telling me i'm the worst ever and that i should just not be around and UGH. i hate how i can sabotage myself and then think "SEE? you SUCK". setting myself up for failure. just needed to put this somewhere and get it out.