All I do is get close to people because I am so pathetically dependent on their love and attention, get too clingy, let them down and they leave. Lather, rinse, repeat.

We make plans, things come up so I have to cancel/rarrannge and can tell it is one more straw on the back of their patience with me that is about to break. I'm terrified of that day because I can't imagine being able to live without my few close friends; I've been here before and know I will be here again but it doesn't make it any easier.

Then I think, though, that all I do is let people down and waste their time so they'd be better off without me anyway. A part of me wishes that it would just hurry up and happen so that they can move on, be happy and spend time around people who help them to feel positive instead of dragging them down all of the time. 

I bring nothing to the life of anyone; everything about me is a fabricated construction based around my interpretation of their needs/wants and nobody needs or wants that kind of falseness in their lives. They don't even really know the person they think they are friends with. They wouldn't miss that.

Sigh.