Just need to vent to someone who may relate and understand me. It is exhausting to be living with this condition. I feel like I'm either an apathetic - to the point that even cleaning or taking a shower feels like climbing fucking everest - or I care to the point that I scare off and alienate everyone I care about due to being intense and 'eccentric'

It doesn't really bother me emotionally to read it but i'd like to also add that there's so much garbage on Reddit about BPD, people who dump all their negative experiences with their ex for example onto this condition. When really their ex was some psychopath and a deranged person in general. There's also this sort of idea that BPD people like to have it to use it as some 'excuse' to behave badly or whatever. And I gotta admit that may be true, it is a fucking blast living this way. Man let me tell you, it's a fucking blast. 

I love never being able to trust anyone or believe in anyone and being closed off due to this. I love the depression and anhedonia that comes along with the condition which makes everything completely miserable, dull, and unenjoyable. I love hating but also loving people at the same time. I love the anger I have and how when I express any intense feeling I'm told to ''Go get help'' like I'm some freak. I love always being told that my feelings are not valid when I was growing up, simmer down, be rational, your emotional distress is an annoyance to our good time here you are not validated. It was fucking wonderful. Punching walls, feeling completely alone emotionally questioning myself due to always being told that I'm a psycho with anger issues. 

It's just wonderful.