This is more of a vent so sorry if this is long 

When I woke up this morning I had a full blown anxiety attack. I’ve been having some major self esteem issues since 2020, about my class and my status in society. 

It’s been eating away at me for a while, and I’m becoming incredibly self conscious. About my looks, my mannerisms. I suffer from social anxiety and depression, and I’m pretty sure it shows in public. 

I’m terrified at the prospect of aging badly and becoming a stereotypical “Florida woman”, and feel like there’s no escaping it. I was raised in an abusive lower-middle class family and have been trying to “move up” in the world. 

What triggered this is getting a new job, my first real job. 

I’m interacting with people who are on a corporate level, who come from better environments. It’s all very overwhelming and I’m becoming increasingly self critical and scared. This fear has made me leave jobs, because I just want to hide away from the world. 

My anxiety has been so bad for the last few weeks that my hair has been falling out. I’m very unhappy in general. 

But, I have to wait for my insurance to kick in to see a therapist or a doctor. I desperately want to take a few days off, but can’t because I’m new. I don’t want to reinforce the suspicions that there’s something wrong with me I suppose.