I have bpd and I thought I was in my first healthy relationship with someone I’ve known a long time. I went through a huge trigger last week and used drinking/drugs to cope. This led to me having a complete breakdown, wanting to flee the country for a few months and leave my boyfriend so I could get away from the triggers here and start to heal (I have family abroad - after a few hours and everyone telling me that was a bad idea I realised I was in fight or flight mode and was having an overwhelming breakdown and coping with it by making an impulsive decision). My boyfriend won’t speak to me and I’ve been kicked out of his house. I’m desperate and I just wanted to escape. I can’t control these things but everyone thinks I can and that I’m doing it to hurt them. I feel like I’m drowning and everyone is standing around watching me. I know I am the only one who can fix myself but I’m trying my best.