Got my official diagnose about three years ago. I have since been treated for ED:s, ADHD and have had some (irregular) DBT.
Right now I have a therapist that I go to quite regularly since about a month or so. I am happy with her but I feel like I'm broken beyond repair and that the help she can provide doesn't suffice.

This is what pains me and I cannot set myself free from these thoughts ("truths"):

It feels like my parents never wanted me. I feel like my mother always liked other kids more than me. When I was little, my cousins. Right now, her new husbands' grandson.

I feel unloved, unwanted. Even though I have an amazing boyfriend.

I feel completely crushed, my teenage time was a mess of hospital visits, parties, meaningless search for validation from boys. I am now in my early twenties and have started a dance education - but I am far behind since I didn't do anything "good" when I was a teenager.

I want to start over. My life feels like a waste.

It feels like I am stuck in this black abyss of regret and self loathing.
The burning, aching sensation in my throat is always there.
Can't stop envying others happiness/"perfect" lives - especially people like my boyfriends' "perfect" sister.

I so wish everything was different. At the same time, why not make a new start now? I know I'm still young. I just can't seem to let go of my dark past.

Any ideas/advice/hugs about how to get past this shit?