I've suffered from several mental illnesses my whole life, depression being one of them. I had to finish college at home during the pandemic. It took me 5.5 agonizing years but I finally graduated, but no satisfaction followed that, it felt stolen from me. I closed my laptop on the last day, and walked 2 feet to my bed, and that was it. No ceremony, no anything.

What really stung was how most people I was constantly there for and was close with in college all but completely abandoned me. One particular friend turned hostile towards me before they moved away. 

On top of all that, on and off for a few years throughout all this I was seeing a girl that treated me like shit. I had to break us up on her behalf when I finally got her to admit she just didn't like me that much.

I guess to wrap this all up, I feel like I get used and thrown out, over and over again, regularly throughout my life. I wish I could vent my frustration to these peoples faces about how they treated me, but thats not really who I am. I'm a pushover, and I have no self esteem. I blame myself and my mental health for why people don't like me. Of course they're all successful doing their own things now, and I feel stuck in a rut without  current employment and tons of anxieties holding me back. It all feels unfair and I'm just bitter about it, I wish I could just move on, but the anger and depression stays. If you made it to the end thanks for listening, hopefully some of you guys can connect with this.