I thought that as we get older, we are suppose to find out more about ourselves and who we are, but I think the exact opposite is happening for me.  As with most people that suffer from BPD, my relationships haven't been the greatest.  Instead of telling those in my life what is really going on in my head, I usually keep it bottled up and end up shutting them out or putting on a complete act.  With my childhood friends and family, I can hide all my issues very well because I can just act the way they expect me to, however, now that I am moving on to the next stage in my life things are getting even more complicated.  I have no idea how to act around new people in my life, i don't even know where to start.  I am always trying to "just be myself" but I have no idea what that even means.  I just don't.  Anytime I start to get close to someone, I start to feel like they don't even know who I am, I feel like I was completely fake.  the problem is I don't know how to be real.  This keeps happening over and over.  I end shutting them all out and I'm alone and hurt and they are hurt and talking about how much of an ass hole I am.  Have any of you had any success in stabilizing your identity issues?  All I really want is to stop acting and start living.    