My body is sore from being in bed all the time. My future feels uncertain. I feel unwanted. My cheeks now have the texture of salt. I don’t have a bad life. It’s just lonely. I’ve been pushing through for years. And it feels like I can’t push anymore. My nihilism and no purpose in life is hindering me. I used to be able to just work because it was the thing to do. I’m at a point in life that will define me for better or worst. I just needed to say it publicly.