I went to a psychiatrist yesterday who told me he thinks I have BPD and it makes so much sense. I'm 32 and my teens until now just clicks. It was such a struggle and I truly just thought I was an irresponsible moron. I got sober *right* before the pandemic and I could just notice that the booze was helping me self medicate so I didn't notice the BPD symptoms (like devastating loneliness and abandonment) as much. 

One of his questions was if I ever act recklessly or impulsive? Like "oh, yeah like when I dropped out of high school? Or got married at 18? Or when I left him 1/2 a year later for a 41 year old? Or after when I got a jizzing penis tattooed on me. Or when I burnt every bridge with every friend ever because I end up pushing them away when they unknowingly trigger me? 

🥲