My life over the past year has been total hell…it’s a long story but I’ll bullet point it 

Firstly:

• me and my mother lost our family home due to her ex husband remortgaging our house and walked away leaving us in the debt that we couldn’t pay off…

• My partner of 2 years admitted cheating on me, we took a break, she told my best friend that she still loved me and wanted to work things out… but left 4 days after our weeks break she broke up with me 

• I loose my managers position at work and had to be demoted back down to my original position 

• I had to move out of my mums new place as the land owner of the site didn’t want me living there… (he’s a nasty piece of work, well know to police for being violent etc) so moved out to protect mum

• the appeal I made against my work for the unlawful demotion fell though 

So I’m 25 (m) and I’m literally at my whits end, I honestly have no idea what to do, i work nights as a mobile security officer and currently living at my best mates house with his mum, he asked me when I get home why do I always go into the en-suite and lock the door and most of the time sleep in there I tell him cause of the underfloor heating it helps my back (that’s a lie…) the real reason is cause I don’t want to let him hear me crying… I come in every morning and lock myself in there and cry… (to the point on most occasions where I end up falling asleep) 
I’ve gone though therapy but doesn’t seem to be working, I can’t go to the Dr’s cause I’m scared of it going on my record and reign my plans to rejoin the military… (but I also think I wanna rejoin as a “way out” or to “run from my problems” as my therapist said) 

But honestly what’s affected me the most is, I still love my ex and I miss her I was coping really well till that happened and now I don’t know what to do anymore (we don’t talk or anything like we used to and I’m pretty sure she’s with the guy she cheated on me with) , cause I’m sure what I’m doing isn’t healthy but I don’t know what is and and isn’t anymore… any advice? anyone? Please?