Hey guys, had my very first in life Panic Attack during Memorial Day weekend of this year. It happened on my drive down from LA to San Diego, I had coffee on the way down (I don’t normally drink coffee, and I think I’m sensitive to caffeine.) during my drive mid way down to San Diego, my felt my heart pumping pretty fast and felt the anxiety jitters. 


As I got closer to San Diego, I thought I was jittery from the coffee then I went on Google and did some research on my symptoms and zeroed down on what I saw which was CARDIAC ARREST, lol….after that everything just spiraled down quick and lead my hyperventilation into a full body numbness and when my throat and chest started to compress my mind convinced me that I was now going into cardiac arrest or having a heart attack. 


I never had a panic attack before, and only found out that it was a panic attack when I was picked up by the ambulance. (My wife called the ambulance because she didn’t know what was going on either) I just told her my chest was compressing and I had to do little huffs to be able to breathe. I seriously thought I was dying.


Fast forward to the first 2 weeks since the incident, I was having panic attack symptoms just being in a car. Later they developed to be worse and was happening even with me just sitting in the house working. Things got better as I built up the courage to fight back after 3 weeks. I went out for short trip drives, then built the courage to drive on the freeway and took the first exit to circle back and drive back down towards home. Before all this I was only driving on the side roads for almost 2 months before I built the courage to drive on the freeway.

Then, guess what……Just as I was starting to feel “recovery” and thought I was headed down the recovery path. I wake up and slept in one day and didn’t eat breakfast…my fiancé and I were headed out to brunch around 1pm and I ended up having my panic attack symptoms on the freeway on the way to brunch….as the symptoms settled in, they turned into a full blown panic attack. Have felt a full blown one since my first one in May. Luckily I carry my “rescue pills” with me so I can save myself from the feeling of dying. (0.5mg Lorazapam) it lasts all day and takes the anxiety away almost instantaneously, I mean goddamn…no wonder why so many people are addicted to this med. but I refuse to take it, only when my symptoms are full blown. 

Anyway, long story short……my crippling anxiety is back again. Feels like I’m back at square one again. Feels like a relapse. I’m losing hope again, and feel like shit everyday again like adrenaline just gets released throughout my body again for the whole day. 

Just when I thought I was finally recovering, this shit pulls me back into square 1. I’m so fucking tired of this shit..

Please excuse my language. Has anyone been through this panic disorder and has recovered??? I just want to see if there’s hope at all…..