Talked to someone I used to know and really screwed myself up emotionally. I'd resisted for years, but I did it and let my emotions go to a place they shouldn't have gone. Now I'm just weakend, paranoid, and full of regrets. It ruined what's left of my life. I would be in a much much better place right now if I just let thing be as they were. But I opened doors I shouldn't have, and I'm stuck dealing with the consequences for the rest of my life. I'm ruined, completely ruined. I have nowhere to turn to make me feel any better. I wish I was dead, but too much of a coward to do it myself. Too afraid of pain and dying, but I'll be living with a lot of pain and dying until then. I completely deserve to feel as bad as I do.