i guess this is mt rant. I always felt like sharing me feelings made me weak and it made me feel stupid. I don't know how this feeling happened and I don't understand it. I feel so pessimistic and depressed about everything. I got kicked out at 15 and couch surfed for almost 4 years until my dad let me live with him, I don't speak to my mom or my little sister since, I was fine up until my breakup with my only source of support my girlfriend was everything and now that she's gone I feel myself drowning in thoughts all day, I live poor and barely eat I can't sleep at all no matter what I try I maybe sleep 2 or 3 times a week. I sit in my room all day and think constantly. recently i begun thinking of just ending it and then that makes me feel even more weak and stupid which makes me feel like ending it even more but I dont have the balls to do it. I feel like im caught in a never ending cycle of depressing thoughts. I used to preach happiness and now I'm on the other end I just can't seem to get out of it. I'm so lost. I hate the way I look I hate how my life is I have no friends left its just me with no purpose. everyday I think of the leat painful way to die and it keeps getting worse, I just want to drown in drugs and alcohol I feel so worthless. the only reason I'm still here is because I fear what people would think of me ending it myself. I feel like I have no right to feel this way when other people have it worse. I just want this to end honestly the thought feels so peaceful.