my best friend &amp; roommate has been having issues with me that they haven’t spoken to me about.  out of the blue i get these text messages from their partner, and i’m at a loss. so i called them and they started yelling at me talking about how i crossed boundaries, which weren’t communicated to me. i have a fractured fibula and am in a lot of pain almost all of the time, especially after a long day at work. 

these are the text messages that their partner sent. they were hurtful, i accidentally misgendered my roommate and that’s a my bad. i’ve told both of them several times that if my roommate and i have issues that my roommate needs to discuss it with me and to not have their partner talk to me for them for this specific reason. it’s not okay to talk to someone on someone else’s behalf. 

and about the thing he mentions about not being about my actions having consequences. i asked my roommate to not put their emotions on me. i asked them to instead, say things like this situation gives me anxiety rather than you did this thing that made me anxious, because it’s not fair to put other peoples emotions on me. i’m not in charge of how people react or their emotions. i can’t be. they have been very different since their partner came back from being gone. they don’t feel comfortable talking to me about stuff. they assume that i’m not okay and don’t ask me if we can talk. 

anyway, thanks for reading. here are the text messages that were sent to me. i’m at a loss and i don’t know what to do. i’ve been doing the reaching out and trying to talk about things, and it seems like no matter what i do, it’s assumed that i have ill intentions. i love that people want to learn about BPD and try to understand me more, but im fairly certain that too much research leads to stuff like this. 


Roommates BF: (my name), this is getting ridiculous.(Roomate) put a boundary in place asking you not to ask them to do things and you have been breaking it all the fucking time. Yet (roommate)  and I have to respect your boundaries, one of them being (roommate) can’t let you know your actions net negative consequences for them? Like why do your boundaries matter while (roommate) don’t? We attended your birthday because we didn’t want you to feel disrespected on your birthday, but you don’t seem to return any of the respect we give you.

And I am done keeping quiet. You ask me to stay out of discussions, but it’s obvious you are taking advantage of (roommate)  being unable to advocate for themselves.

Me: I really don’t know where this is coming from. I haven’t asked them to do anything? I never said that (roommate) couldn’t talk to me about my actions and things that bother them? 

BF: 
You’ve been asking them to do:

Dishes 
Make food for you
Run errands for you

Over and over since before you came back

Me: Because I can’t walk. I ask (my partner) and (other roommate) for help. 

BF: And they specifically asked for a boundary, not being asked to do stuff. I am sorry about the broken foot, but at the end of the day that is your issue not theirs.