25 substance abuse and depression have claimed me I feel as if I wasn't meant for this earth I have no passion for anything anymore I fake every emotion. Drugs and alcohol used to give me drive but became a problem and with help of my gf I decided to get clean and hoped after time I'd get the passion back for my hobbies without alcohol or drugs but i became worse like a zombie just work and go home no emotion had  gained 50 pounds after 6 months,I  recently relapsed called in at my job 2days in a row without any notice when I go in tomorrow idk what's going to happen and also my gf is showing concerning signs and being really distant. Ik this is all my fault but nobody understands. I think this is close to my time I've lost all my friends over time, family doesn't talk to me hardly even my mom. I've laid in bed 3 days now and haven't gotten a single call or text from anyone checking on me.. hope everyone in here finds a beautiful life I just don't think it's gonna happen for me