So I haven’t spoken to my Mother in two years. She likely has BPD and NPD but has not sought any treatment for anything. She sends me birthday, Christmas cards etc which always say she loves me and has bought me gifts but can’t send them because she doesn’t trust the mail service, But if we catch up for lunch she can give them to me. 

I have never caught up with her. My Husband is usually the go between. She calls and texts him asking to catch up. This has put strain on our relationship. The last text was a few weeks ago as my birthday is coming up. When my husband said I would prefer not to catch up at the moment she responded saying the dog was really sick and she thought its kidneys were failing and she would take it to vet tomorrow but wanted me to see it in case it dies(manipulative much?)so I spoke with my therapist and wrote my Mum as email requesting she communicate with me via email instead of calling/texting my husband and that contact was only about set topics which I listed.

She did not even respond to anything in my email, did not even acknowledge that it had been sent. Instead she pulled up a random topic, accusing me of things, in an attempt to have a dig at me (she had to reach really deep because I haven’t spoken to her in two years). Her response indicated to me that she hasn’t changed, and now is not the best time to try to have any form of a relationship with her. 

I feel as if I need to write her another email, laying everything out on the table including what needs to change to start repairing our relationship (such as respecting my boundaries on communication). I’m sick of the back and forth and would rather get it all off my chest and walk away from it all. 

Has anybody been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? 