I can’t escape from the pain in my heart. I haven’t drink alone in my house for a couple of months now, after some time of heavy drinking. And today I fell again. I just don’t see any purpose. To live. To do anything. To care. 

I just want to transform myself into a ball, small, smaller every second, until it just disappears. 

Alcohol helps making myself disappear from myself. But I know I shouldn’t. I know. It just hurts being “awake” with all those memories I cant forget. Any tips?