It happens to me a lot but the last couple of weeks have been a prime example.

I got Covid and actually, luckily, didn't feel bad from it. Just cold like symptoms. But I had to isolate in my room for 10 days. 

Honestly, I was really happy to do so. It felt like an excuse to do absolutely nothing but lay there and watch films and play games without the usual crippling anxiety and guilt I get when doing nothing (which is most of the time).

The first couple of days I had this amazing sense of relief. Like there was no expectation to do anything. But I still ended up being really frustrated with myself for not enjoying my time constructively. I was still really preoccupied mentally and basically watched one film each day and kept pausing and looking at my phone etc, usually to look up something that was bothering me.

Then after a couple of days I got a freelance writing opportunity for peanuts. And I was really frustrated as I suddenly felt like I had something to do and it wouldn't leave my mind. It took me 12 hours to write 1200 words and I was in such a panic about this job that I'd taken on twice weekly that I lost it and couldn't focus or anything. I went down my usual rabbit hole of thinking about having my name attached to published work and cyber bullying and humiliation and not being able to do the workload. And I thought about quitting but then how much I'd regret it.

The anxiety hit my and I became very bleak and dark and my body and mind went into threat mode. I couldn't sleep or think and I thought my life was over. I couldn't relax, think, concentrate and I was also upset and berating myself for not enjoying this very rare opportunity to relax and enjoy doing nothing. I was also feeling a bit ill too of course. I decided to quit but then felt anxious I'd ruined an opportunity so worried about that.

It's now just turned Wednesday. 10 days after testing positive and my isolation is over. I remember NOTHING of that time. It was an anxious, bleak, threatening nightmare that I spent huddled in a ball in panic, trying not to cry and thinking about how I can't cope.

I'm now things are back to normal and I'm really sad I threw away my time, especially when I'm not even sure what I was so anxious about now.

The anxiety sits with my 24/7 and stops me functioning on a daily basis. But sometimes it gets so bad that my mind shuts off my long periods and it's like I'm living an actual hazy, frightening nightmare.

I get it on special occasions and have just come out of a month long anxiety black out form Christmas and my birthday.

I hate it and in constant fear of it. .

Does anyone else get this?