tw:mentions of self harm
does anyone feel like during times of bad dissociation their senses get fucked up? like my fingers keep touching each other and though i can feel it, its like it takes my mind a while to decipher which hand is doing that. i know its the right one because i look at it, but its almost like its someone else's fingers touching my hands... its so scary i feel like im not here. i believe this is why i used to resort to self harm before. it would "wake me up". and then walking in a big city just makes the feeling worse. i need  the peace and quiet from my small city back home. there is easier to connect with myself. here in college everything gets worse..