I have been depressed for 10 years and it is my biggest regret. It has taken so much from me. 
I’ve had my ups and downs over the years but the last 5 have been particularly difficult. I dropped out of college and was unable to work for several years but I finally got back on my feet beginning of this year. I recently bought a car and am doing really well at my job, with advancements on the horizon. 
I couldn’t have done any of this without the motivation of my best friend. We met online (video games) a few years ago and are supposed to be meeting up in person for the first time in the upcoming months. I have been ecstatic about this since we started discussing it. One of my biggest motivations for working hard was to save up for this trip. I guess I should mention that I am in love with my best friend. We’ve talked about the potential to be more than friends but we live across the country from one another, with 3 time zones separating us. I thought this would finally be our opportunity to test our compatibility. He has had flings over the years but nothing really lasted. He’d say “they’re not like you” or “you treat me better”.  We even talked about moving in together if I could get the money together. But of course right before this trip, he finds someone and it’s serious this time. Now I hardly hear from him. And I feel so much guilt for wanting things to not change. But I miss my best friend and I am so heart broken. Genuinely, I got through my days because I knew he would be there at the end to hang out and talk and leave the rest of the world behind. 
Now I don’t know if I even want to go on this trip, even though I don’t think I’ll ever get another chance to see him in person. I am so depressed and hopeless. He was the one thing giving me hope, that I would have some kind of future to look forward to, that things would get better. But I’ve kind of lost that and I don’t really want to live anymore. What’s the point? Where do I go from here? How do I find something to live for?