This has now become a constant trigger, addiction and self-sabotaging habit all in one. Being in therapy the past few years I've really come around to tampering down a lot of my ballistic BPD traits but this one... i cannot grasp at all.   


I constantly go out of my way to help, give, please etc. and seek attention / gratification / acceptance, whatever in return. If someone doesn't react the way I'd hope... I get extremely upset and triggered. If it's in regards to a FP i'll even lash out.   


I'm pretty sure I know this stems from abandonment issues (amongst so many other things) but this is a deeply embedded personality flaw that I've been actively trying to fix / work on and simply CANNOT. I really hate understanding my own psychology but feeling helpless to improve in certain ways. I feel so much guilt and shame for the feelings surrounding this. Has anyone else experienced this? If so... what was your way of working through it?