I'm 18 years old and since some months sometimes i have some weird paranoid shit. Actually i was into conspiracy theories since childhood and i thought a lot about delusions (world is not real etc.) but it never was such a big deal, i mean it had no real, dangerous effects on my life. Since last december when i had my scariest nightmare (+ sleep paralysis) and since that sometimes i have hallucinations after waking up. I mean i wake up and i see/hear in my room what i saw in my dream for a couple of seconds/minutes. And since that sometimes i have real and serious delusions and those make me panicked and scared. Usually this phase takes only 1-2 day but on those days i seriously can't fucking remember anything. For example today. I was at school and i tried to remember how the fuck i get there and i just couldn't. I mean yea probably i take the bus and i get there in the usual way but it's so scary that i can't remember anything about the bus trip and it's hard to separate those things what are really happened and those what are just in my imagination. It's not a big deal, for example who sat next to me? Maybe the old lady or maybe the young lady? In my mind both look real and that's why i don't know which is really real. What i also fucking hate that i'm so scared these times my mind unwittingly triggering me to think about "this voice was real or it was just in my mind?" actually i know that i hear no unreal voices but these times i can't take it this easy and it's fucking annoying and scaring.

The weirdest is that after or before this phase i'm fucking happy and kinda motivated. It's crazy when i'm happy and my mind hurts in this typical way i know what's coming.

well what is this?