Im generally unhappy with my life and its something i sometimes just shove aside as is what it is but othertimes like now it really just eats away at me. 

Ive dealt with trauma from family growing up which has severly damaged my self esteem and my self worth. I constantly overthink everything i do, feel like every person has it out for me, and feel like no matter how hard an effort i put out its still just eh for everyone. To put it bluntly im a male whos had issues with his father growing up. Verbal and physical abuse which has caused trauma to my mental state. 

I feel like im just stuck in going through the motions of this, and it sucks because i can tell my mood does affect those around me. (I do have a fiance who usually can tell when something is off, i have talked with her about all this and shes been understanding and wanted to help but my mind constantly goes back to this exact state) i never mean to have my issues impact others and it just makes me feel worse about it when i do have outbursts/down moods. 

I do sometimes have thoughts of life and everyone would be better if i didnt exist (not wanting to take my life i know thats not the answer to any issue) but i really have feelings that i wish i wasnt born. 

Im just sick of dealing with this and dont know what to do anymore.