I really am not sure whether to post this here or at all. My wife and I connect great and do well one most levels. But for me, the quality and quantity of our sex life brings me down. Granted it is more than the dead bedrooms reddit. But for me being bpd. It drives me insane.

Was a big part of why my first marriage broke down. Granted I was dealing with coming back from a military combat deployment and a new father. It was hard times. And I am bi. Which just fucks things up for me sometimes.

I have a history of pre adolescent child abuse . You d sexual activity  and deviance. I had a unconventional childhood. Am now a closet sexual predator who would never harm or fuck som one else without consent. Which leads me to being married... she is not into the bi thing at all or my fetish’s... low level sex drive though she used to be a “party girl”. I’m tired of taking it personal and doing. It for the kids right now when I want to be worshipped and serviced properly. I need it. But she just doesn’t get it or care.

She is always tired upset stomach / complaining. I do get sex 2-3 times a week but it’s forced / begged. It’s frustrating and wearing me down. I can’t tell her , she won’t listen enough to communicate through it. I am horny. I have a high level sex drive and lots of perversions that turn me on. Yet I am not a cheater. I love her. It hurts but I do. 


Why do I do this to myself? 

I know why...just venting because it’s better than acting out...


I’m drinking ... smoking 420... and stroking on and off to fetlife . Com videos. Wishing fo the right person to com along and be my secret.