I feel like I was just given a bad set because I vividly remember being socially anxious my first day of kindergarten, was suicidal soon after that (scooby doo made me self aware of the idea of death), decided I was atheist in 4th grade, and still just want to kms because of some innate emptiness and societal discomfort that never goes away even around family. All of this started so early that I have googled and read through any and every other disorder because I also experience a lot of obsessive compulsions that wasted my youth and eventually got me obsessed with learning about mental disorders because I’m topic-obsessive and hyper focus. Everything eventually swung around to the biggest picture for me which was BPD and at this point I just know so much and it makes it so much easier to empathize with other disorders even ones I don’t suffer with because I just have a strong foundation for mental distress I guess? I’m almost grateful at this point because I see people like my family who can’t understand my behaviors and feel like I’m just lazy rather than burnt out