I can't stop thinking about him and my cruelty. He kept giving himself to me and I kept using his honesty against him like a psychopath. I could have had something normal with him but I kept burning the relationship and him. 

I keep telling myself that it's for the best that I can't go back to a broken and completely ruined relationship, but I miss him so much. I want to tell him that none of the things I said were true. I want to make sure he's okay. I hate myself so much. 

I'm always suspicious of other people's motives, but other people should be suspicious of me. We would have met in person less than a week from now and I sabotaged things because that's what I do... 