Basically every choice I’ve made since I was about 14 was based off of “what’s gives me less anxiety in this particular moment, choice a, or choice b” and that’s how I’ve been living my life. I’m 20 now and will be 21 in a few months. I  have s/a,g/a, and I think I also have agoraphobia. 
My anxiety has been so intense lately with me turning 21 soon. First there’s the fact that I’m the last of 5 siblings to turn 21, so my whole family as been talking it up since I was 18. They want to plan a whole trip, hit bars and casinos and all sorts of other things. (A social anxiety nightmare) it’s constantly on my mind. 
Then there’s the fact I have to get a new license which means taking a picture in front of  the whole dmv, but just as bad the eye test. I’m required to where glasses when I drive but I haven’t gotten a new prescription since I was 15 or 16. Almost positive I’d fail the eye test. Which means I now need to go to the eye doctor which just gives me so much anxiety even thinking about. 
I can’t handle the anxiety anymore. I know I need to see a doctor and get on meds(everyone is gonna say try a therapist first only go on meds as last resort) but no I know myself enough to know I should’ve gone on them years ago. But then comes the problem of being in a room talking with a doctor about something I’ve never told anybody… yeah no. I can’t even process that image. When I talk to anyone my brain shuts down. Feel like I’m outside my body. Couldn’t answer questions beyond a simple yes or no. Plus the physical symptoms like racing heart, shaky hands/voice, I get twitches, plus the nervous poops. So idk I have 2 months to figure all this shit out.