3 months into a new relationship… i really thought I had found love - with someone kind, thoughtful, smart, funny. Truly one of the most profound meeting’s and immediate connections I have ever had… and I actually feel like I deserve it - and that I could be a great partner after so much soul searching and growth, especially over the past few years… 

I have never been more stable - I have felt so good, so clear, grounded and under control… in difficult moments, I realise that I have developed good tools by that work.  I have never felt more positive about life.

So today I decided to come out to my new partner with this part of me - I thought it was a good time… …but… things shifted through the day after I opened up - I can feel it… And now it is 3am and I can’t sleep - I am devastated because I have not felt love in so long - and being honest ruined it.  

I guess and I hate to say that I understand why someone wouldn’t want to deal with this… deal with me..  but I feel so defective… 

Better to know now- my heart is broken,  but with more time it would just have been worse… it is just so hard to live with this condition and to know I will always have it. …I feel so unloveable right now.. 

And today is my Fucking birthday