It all started when I was 16, my first drink ever and the beginning of my partying days. I always knew something was wrong with me regarding  drinking, as I would always want more and more even when the night was finished. I would ditch my friends to go find someone to drink more with until the next afternoon and wake up in extreme regret. But it didn’t happen too often, like twice a year until I turned 19.. I was in a relationship where I was manipulated and eventually I started drinking all by myself and terrorized my family, having the cops called on me regularly. I would blackout and try to hurt people, scream, and more crazy shit. I didn’t know about alcohol blood percentages and would down a bottle of vodka. I would also go out in the street while drunk, I am surprised I’m still alive. One time I even drank at work and got fired. My ex cheated on me and I left and found a new boyfriend. He wanted to help me but he would drink with me and even introduced cocaine. Every weekend we would drink heavily and do cocaine while I lived with him. This went on for a year and we stopped because he saw it was affecting me in a bad way. I started craving it so I was asking others for drinks and cocaine and this caused horrible conflict in our relationship. He hates me now. I haven’t done it for a while but he still resents me for it. I self harm and cry in extreme pain because I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done. I have deep shame. I’m 2 weeks sober and never want to drink again. But how do I convince people in my life to forget about what I’ve done and stop making me remember and throwing it in my face?? It honestly triggers me even more. I just want to forget my past. I’ve been in bed for 4 days sleeping and waking up crying and sleeping again. Someone help me this pain is unbearable.