[19M]  I'm writing this because I'm really falling into a mental rut with my life and current position. Currently working a full time job with ridiculously antisocial hours (6pm-6am) where I'm alone the whole shift. Ruminating constantly. I have no direction or reason to live. I feel drained when I finish work earning fuck all and want to do nothing but nothing when I have spare time. I can't take time to branch out into other careers or progress in anything as my job is the only thing maintaining my bare minimums in life.

The thought of me being stuck doing 40 hour work weeks for minimum wage my whole life is depressing, I can't drive or go anywhere which is depressing, haven't got enough money to invest or save. I go the gym regularly, look after myself and try not to let myself go but I'm starting to give up as these are doing nothing it seems. Absolutely no attention from women (never really have) which I'm letting get to me more than it should, I've came to the conclusion it's down to my attitude and not putting myself out there and that girls can sort of tell I have given up. But I don't know how to think or what to do. I've got absolutely nothing to bring to the table and would be of no value to anyone. Socially I'm lacking and my social anxiety is escalating massively and feel like I'm falling into a depression as I don't really care as much as I should and just view it as "less people in my life means less stress" . Have zero female friends and I'm getting sick of the friends I already have but I feel a big part of that is because of my internal issues.

After plenty of time to think by myself I feel like I know exactly what the future entails and how I'll be as I grow older. I've drastically improved in the past in all areas of my life but after 6 months of the exact same shit knowing it's not going to get any better and there's nothing I can do about it is eating me alive and I'm losing it all it feels like.

I feel pathetic as a person and my self esteem has plummeted, anxiety has gotten so much worse towards every minor thing, and I'm slowly becoming more bitter and isolated. If my attitude or perspective towards life doesn't change anytime soon I'm going to be alone forever it seems but this pattern and routine keeps me in a cycle that I just don't understand how to get out of and I seriously don't understand what therapy or anything like that could do to help me. But my bills are payed and that's all that matters right? I've got my shit together. Apparently.