TL;DR: Need reassurance that I’m doing the right thing to call and go in for a voluntary admission.


Hi,
Sorry for the wall of text...

I have a history of Anxiety and Depression, currently on 225 mg Effexor and 25 mg Quetiapine. My anxiety has gotten so bad in the last several months, I can't leave the house.  I started having panic attacks again when my husband would try to drop me off at work, he’d have to turn around and take me home because I’d start crying and shaking.  I can’t control it, I can’t put it into words. That obviously angered him even though he’s trying to understand, thus began the guilt cycle.


Spoke to my PCP in January for a Psych referral after I mentioned I had been struggling recently and perhaps I needed to increase my medication. The wait is so long I still haven’t been contacted even after several attempts by my Doctor. She isn’t allowed to change my meds, so I just wait. 

I called Crisis at the beginning of this month, because I was freaking out. I was so not myself and irritated I almost hit my autistic step-son. (I didn’t - thank god) I’ve been in a holding pattern ever since. 
 

I’m still on the same medication; I’ve been given access to therapy tools online but the places I’m working with (city crisis resources in Canada, EAP) only just in the last few days.  I know the system is taxed and I feel like I’m not important enough to keep bothering professionals with this, but I can’t function. The very few friends I managed to make are being pushed away, my marriage is over, and I just feel numb.  I even shake when I write on Reddit.  I cannot be around people without shaking, and I’ve started an old anxious habit of picking at my skin again.  I’ve started smoking pot every day just to live.


I know if I call the Crisis center back, they’ll offer me a bed again. I had so much trouble making that first call. I turned it down last time because of child care issues, as my husband works at night.  He’s on vacation this week, and my step-son is at his mom’s all next week. 


I’m scared because I’ve has so many assessments in the last few weeks over the phone and via online tools to make sure I wasn’t a threat to myself or others. There’s online therapy classes I’m supposed to be a part of, but it’s the 3rd session and they’ve forgotten to send me my link again and I’m scared to keep calling...

The anxiety counselor discussed the CBT and DBT tools online during my assessment last week, told me that the online tools won’t really help me because my symptoms are so bad, but since I can’t be helped at the moment, to do them anyway.  

She told me she had to mention ECT, but that’s for people who are near catatonic or super bad symptoms… I’ve got intrusive thoughts telling me every hell I’ll go through if I do this.


TIA and sorry if I inadvertently broke a rule, I checked, but I maybe screwed up. Sorry.