In one week I'll turn 22 years old. I'm a college student with a respectful GPA, I have a loving family, A brother that I care deeply for, and lots of things to be grateful for.  But for the last year, I've spent every night laying awake in my bed contemplating suicide and self-harm.  


I constantly feel like I'm never working hard enough, I feel like I'm lagging behind my peers. No matter what I achieve I find a way to hate myself.   


Like I mentioned before It's only been going on for about a year, ever since a loved one of mine got diagnosed with Cancer. I don't understand why these feelings won't go away as my loved one has thankfully had a fairly successful recovery.   


Sorry for the poor formatting and spelling and general rant style of this post, I've been drinking tonight and needed to let some of this out. Thanks for taking the time to read.