So before i type this up i’m just gonna say this is gonna be a long read and i’ll put a TLDR at the bottom for those who don’t want to read all of it.

So, I’m in my early 20’s, single, and I’m still living at home for a little while longer.  I live with anxiety and i am able to manage it pretty well without medication or therapy.  I’ve held a steady job for over 5 years and have healthy social relationships with a lot of people.  I manage it well enough that most people wouldn’t ever think that i have any form of anxiety.  But i also have a select few people that i’m close with who know i have my struggles from time to time and they are very helpful when i need them.

As i said, i’ve learned to manage it pretty well but there are certain things/situations/people that inevitably will make it flare up.  And, as much as i hate to say it...one of my triggers is my mother.  Like, just her existence.

Now, i love my mom.  She’s had a rough go of things during her life.  She’s been through a divorce, and despite remarrying to a pretty supportive husband (my father) in her later years she’s had to deal with a plethora of health problems including thyroid issues which, if anyone knows anything about, is something you’re always playing catch up with.

But she is just hard to be around.  It doesn’t matter if she’s in a good mood or i’m in a good mood, my anxiety will flare and it takes everything in me to be civil and not show visible signs of distress.  Most of the time, when i come home from work or wherever i am at that day, i go straight up to my room so i can just be alone and just recharge from my day at work.  It’s the only way i can stay in a good state mentally and keep my life in order.

Well, my dad works a strange night shift schedule so i won’t see him for days at a time most of the time and for the last 6 weeks my mom has been in florida helping my grandparents with some things.  And my life has been...wonderful.  Just, excellent.  Having the house to myself has been such an empowering time for me.

I’ve been in such a good place mentally being able to have the house to myself.  Coming home and being able to decompress without being confined to my room has been an incomparable boost to my life.  

But my mom comes home tomorrow.  and i can feel my anxiety starting to well up.  Knowing that i’m going to be confined to my room to stay some semblance of mentally healthy.  I’ve gotten so used to this elevated state that i dread going back to whatever level i was operating at before.

Now, i was planning on moving out at the end of this year but unfortunately, because of some issues beyond my control i won’t be able to do that until sometime next year.  So i’m forced to endure my little box when she gets home until i can move out and i’m just really anxious about it.

I’m not looking for advice or sympathy necessarily i just wanted to put it out there to some people who might sort of understand my situation.


*TL;DR* - I deal with my anxiety very well for the most part but my mom is a trigger for it.  She’s been away for 6 weeks and i’ve been in an exceptionally good place.  She comes home tomorrow and i know that my anxiety is going to go back to where it was before and there’s nothing i can do about it for several months until i can move out.