Tw: su*c*de

Every single day since December I’ve been waking up with and going to bed with terrible anxiety. It’s this terrible feeling of dread in my chest- like I’m hyper aroused all the time. It doesn’t matter what I’m thinking about or how I’m feeling- it’s always there. No matter what. I have MS and I know it’s a direct correlation- my vagus nerve seems to be damaged. I’m on meds, 800mg of gabapentin 3x daily, carbamazepine, hydroxyzine for day and sleep, and I just started Zoloft recently. Hardly any of it makes a dent. 

I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. I cry every day or every other day. Not even the suicide hotline knows how to help me. I literally have a neuropsychiatrist and a neurologist to help me but I’m still struggling day to day. I want to desperately to live but I cannot live like this for much longer. I am miserable. I just want to die already.