Hey guys,

I’m kinda frustrated about whether I have BPD or not. I’m always diagnosed with it when I go inpatient, but my APRN who does my med management (I have bipolar 1, adding to the confusion) disagrees and doesn’t have me diagnosed. None of the other outpatient providers I’ve seen have diagnosed me either; but I have been referred out multiple times making me wonder if they suspected it but didn’t tell me.

I’m trying to find a new therapist and I don’t know if I should bring it up or not. I don’t want to be referred out again because it’s really hard to find therapists in my area and I really need help. 

I definitely see some borderline traits in myself. The biggest red flags are probably that I self harm and occasionally dissociate. I can’t tell if I fear abandonment or have an unstable sense of self more than normal. With the bipolar there’s a lot of instability, so I’m not sure. I feel pretty empty a lot, but my quality of life is pretty bad due to the bipolar.

I do heavily relate to the term “emotional burn victim.” I feel intensely until it’s too much, then nothing at all. But that could be from the childhood abuse I experienced/PTSD.

My mother had BPD so it’s rough to consider the possibility I have it too. She had incredibly angry &amp; sometimes violent outbursts. I don’t, I would definitely be “quiet borderline,” maybe because growing up with that I learned to turn anger in.

My APRN said inpatient providers diagnosed me with BPD just because I cut. I don’t know if I should just trust her opinion, or if I should bring it up with my new therapist.

I’m actually in the process of applying for disability and a diagnosis might help my case. I know that’s kinda awful to think, but true.

Appreciate any advice or shared experiences ❤️