Was on the way home from work and had a Christmas tree in the back. Because I'm trying.

There's this death trap on my way home. They've been doing construction forever it seems, and they have these big concrete barriers. There's no shoulder. Animals get in there and have nowhere to go. The barriers have roadkill plastered all along it.

It came out under the truck in front of me. I saw it for less than half a second before I hit it.

And no one fucking cares. 

My friends would laugh if i told them how upset I was. "It's just an animal. It happens."

That animal died and no one cares. Nothing is going to change. It's just a thing that happened.

I've been really struggling lately. I often feel like the universe is horrible and nothing we do matters. Sure, we "free"(ish) to "choose" or whatever, but not really. In reality, we're born, we fuck around, feel pain and cause pain, and then we're dead and everyone just keeps moving like you never existed. Just like that raccoon. It's just a thing that happens.

I hate it. I wish every day that I'd never been born. I cannot fathom the selfishness of people deciding to force more sentience into this cesspool of a universe. 

I don't even hate anyone, we're all just trying to get by with next to nothing. If I could punch anyone, it would be the universe, or "god" or whatever, for putting us all here to suffer in the first place.

I think once my cats pass on, that'll be it for me. I'm so fucking tired.