As I get older I'm finding it increasingly harder to make friends, I feel like my identity has shattered even more and more with each year. I have 0 idea who I am anymore, other than mirroring the person I am around in that moment. I have almost no friends that are girls because I find it really hard to mirror them for some reason, I feel like they can always feel like I'm a fake or a fraud. It always feels like they think something is slightly off with me. Which there is. With guys its easy. For the first few days anyway. I can mirror their entire personality and lives without even trying. I get them attached to me quickly and we have such a good time. But then suddenly I wake up one day and I don't know how to keep pretending to be the person I was in that moment. I don't remember the things I'd say, the language I'd use, the mannerisms, etc. The friendship falls apart because I don't know how to be 'me' anymore.I push them away because I can't be the person they met. I have had a friend tell me recently that I confuse him. He never knows what he will get when he talks to me and that every time he talks to me he feels like he's talking to a completely different person. He sees me so clearly. But I've never had anybody come straight out and tell me like that. I didn't realise it had become so bad and so noticeable. I wish I could have an identity and make friendships where people could like me for me and not because I'm able to pretend I'm just like them. I'm just lonely I guess. I feel so lonely because nobody knows the real me, even I don't know the real me. I don't even feel like a real person.