I'm frustrated with myself. I can't accept that I have this disease. It's more like I "acknowledge" it at best instead of accepting that it's a problem, if that makes sense?

My therapist said today that she has noticed for 4-5 weeks that I was hypomanic or even manic. (She says I was on the line between the two.) I asked her to be blunt with me about it, and she said she had been trying gently for a few weeks to tell me that my mood was elevated, and was encouraging me to open up to get help for it. Then she said that i kept saying, "no, it's not true. I'm fine." (Which sounds about right.) And I guess I was saying psychotic things to her that I was unaware of?

I did some horrible things while manic, including spending $15,000 USD, which was spent on Christmas as well as on things I didn't (and still don't) need. Yes, literally $15,000 of money i don't have. I spent it on stupid shit and also drove around extremely recklessly. I can return some of it and I will, but I can't like... take Christmas gifts back.