Hi

So this might be a long one. So in my household there are cameras and they are very visible and not hidden at all and basically everywhere but inside of my own room its causing more psychotic symptoms and delusions to get worse. The entire environment is sterile, im not allowed to own anything thats not inside of my room, not allowed to sit on the couch, watch tv, and the house is always extremely clean, you get the picture.. just sterile is the only word I can think of. I am the opposite, I love music, love to talk to people, like art, love talking out loud and not having to whisper in my own room.. and this contrast or "clash" of personalities is making my diagnosis worse tenfold it seems.. I say its the cameras because I was diagnosed before I lived here and it only got bad once I moved back home.

My parent is also "holding" which is refusing to give back my savings account and sais "you better move out if I give it back to you", just cold, ruthless behavior and not understanding of my illness. Like youd think your car breaking down is a good reason to use savings money! Somehow the terms of me living here was giving him my savings account and the only way I can get it back is if I am ready to move out or have a job.(there was no official agreement, it just happened) But paranoia sets in.. and the cameras have made it impossible to even get a job or even think about doing anything outside of my room. My last job I freaked out after a single day and was hiding in corners looking for them in the ceiling. I believe there is serious trauma here involving them.

Is this normal? Can cameras contribute to the illness or am I imagining how bad they are making me feel? My therapist sais to look at it from their perspective but I am too stressed and emotionally drained to do so. Every single person I talk to agrees this is not normal behavior(inside house) But I am stuck and feel hopeless with how to move forward. I would like to think Im not as schizophrenic as I think I am and that my environment has drastically worsened my condition but Im not sure and think its all in my head sometimes. 

Any advice or encouragement would be helpful here.