Honestly, I love my friends and family, I really do.

They do make life easier but its still not enough, I don't think its fair to them because I will end up killing myself anyway even though they helped me a lot in preventing this outcome.

Also I don't really think I have the courage to off my self so making things harder for me would probably help me finally pull the trigger and get this shit over with.

I don't really know, at this point I'm just rambling, sorry if I am not making a lot of sense, wanted to know if these thoughts ever crossed anyone else's mind?