I experienced emotional numbness for 9-10 years from what my therapist says is high anxiety. But it’s tough to self-diagnose. I thought I had OCD, dissociation, anhedonia, but i only have some symptoms. But I highly believe I have borderline personality disorder triggered most likely by my dad who has anger issues. Wth is my life? I was a nice guy that wanted a simple life, always helped others and wanted to follow God almost perfectly. I didn’t report my years of feeling nothing to anyone until I became desperate at 19 years old. I told my mom at 10 years old and she told me it’s all in my head, and that “it’s normal.” I live with my parents. How can I even look them in the face? I literally didn’t report my mental state because I thought it was God’s Plan because I felt “too happy” as a child. I feel so damn dumb! I don’t hate my parents, because they never had bad intentions. But I’m freakin out. I knew I might have somethin. So I have renal artery stenosis, Behcet’s, FMF, abnormally high blood pressure, and I have extreme mental health issues. I’ve been traumatized by a recent episode of moral OCD attacks that seemed to never stop until I stopped believing in God or take Omega 3 pills. Without the Internet, I’d be living in daily torture. Only good thing is that I got my feelings back when I was 19-20 years old. I am 23 now. Holy crap man! I’m so scared of suffering in the afterlife, I feel like I committed 5 murders in my mind, even after neutralizing good, holy thoughts, I feel like I’m gonna suffer. What a life this is! Only thing that’s keepin me goin is committin suicide is never the answer and I don’t want to quit. But I’m scared to leave it untreated and hope supplements and therapy help cure it. Or risk pharma meds (i am aware no meds available for bpd, im talkin about anxiety) and make it worse. If it gets worse, no tellin what I’d do! I’m scared. I’m so scared.