I’ve been depressed and suicidal for over a year, and have attempted suicide once by overdosing, which obviously didn’t work, and to this day only one person knows about it. My parents think I’m just lazy and not trying enough, and tell me my end goal is to go back to school next year which sounds like a punishment rather than something to aim for. I haven’t felt happy or any good emotions in over a year, I only ever feel complete hopelessness, despair, grief, guilt, anger, and extreme self-loathing. All of which I feel every second of every day. I can’t think of a future and I can’t remember my past and I don’t even know what happiness feels like anymore. I constantly think of killing myself and always think of ways to do it. I’ve written suicide notes, thought about the pain my family would feel, what would happen if I survived. I’m so fucking tired of being alive when I never get anything good out of it.