So after reconnecting with my sister, I sat her down and explained my issues. This is the best route for me as it helps people I love understand. Fast forward about 2 years. She has been through a lot and I’m noticing, as my head has been fairly clear lately, her issues. She takes a lot of things and makes it out like everyone is out to get her. She holds in things and lashes out very cruelly months later. This is after we’ve talked about working on issues as they happen. I mindfully practice not invading other people’s lives with my issues and will stay away from everyone when going into crisis or just a bad spot. She has seen a few of my episodes and since I cannot go out and about she knows the reasons why... afraid of men, too much outside stimulation brings on anger outburst, anything that causes anxiety takes me down for days at a time. A lot of losing time, happens a few times a week whether I’m monitoring stress or not. 

Last weekend while visiting her, I really noticed how unconcerned she is about anyone else. I know it’s hard but again I practice asking questions and “acting” concerned about others. We talked about her for about 1/2 hour then something came up and I mentioned I had my first cruel outburst in a year. No concern, no second thought. Conversation continued about her. I punish myself inward n really needed to talk. Anyway by the end of the conversation she tells me how men give her anxiety and she can’t deal with confrontation anymore. She described her feelings and I’ll be damned if it’s not the same things I’ve said to her in the past. In reality if she wasn’t my sister neither of us would be involved with the other. We didn’t grow up together. I just hate being the one that always listens. Then to hear her take on my symptoms I feel very weird about this. She even sees my therapist. Which I was ok with at first but now they  go to same church. I’m really against being friends with therapists. They are there for a purpose. She also aborted her baby which she got prego with by shear stupidity. He just pulled out! Ugh! I’m a married mother of four. Nope. She’s recently a single mother. She’s never been physically abused but her father never gave her emotional love. She also pulled some shit with my hubby. I dissociated n checked my numbers freaked out cause there’s one I didn’t know. Turns out it was her number. She told hubby it wasn’t. We still have a great marriage though n he sees my panic attacks around men so no issue other than her being deceitful. 

I just feel like she is taking over my life. But at the same time I know she’s got issues of her own. I’m very stumped on how to maintain the dutiful relationship and how to even navigate the intense frustration and anger I feel. I’m still at the point where I do not have friends and can only maintain close familial relationships. Overall much better than 3 years ago. But this . How the hell do you navigate a necessary but unneeded relationship. Why would someone want to take on your symptoms when they see the negative effects? I know not many will read but I feel better just getting it out! Thanks!! Much love to all! 