today i told my younger sibling i dropped out a college class that was just wayyy too much for me. i’m starting to think that i should have lied to her and said that i completed it because i feel like she’ll use me as her excuse to be lazy and a quitter too. i can’t help thinking that by telling her the truth i’m instilling this sort of “quitting is okay” mindset in her even though i did try my best in the class.

especially because she has used me as excuses before. “you didn’t get a job when you were my age, so i don’t have to either”. “you didn’t take this hard AP class, so it’s okay for me not to try either”.

i just feel so much anxiety from thinking that every mistake or even any action i make at all is going to affect what my sister does in some way. i also hate having to set the example all the time and feeling like i have to be on my best game.  i feel so perceived and trapped, as if i can’t make a decision without someone watching me all the time.