i feel so fucking alone. i want a black hole to swallow me and rip me into pieces. everything seems so so pointless. consciousness is a fucking plague. i am envious of people who can go through life generally happy. i can think of maybe 5 times in my life i have felt ok. ever since i can remember, i’ve lived in a state of agony. i remember being 8 years old and wanting nothing more than to die. i’m too scared of death to do anything about it.