My Junior year of High School I started to get depressed. 

I was a good student who had great grades and was heavily involved in school activities. It was gradual, but by Senior year my depression completely took me over and I became suicidal. 

I couldn’t leave my room or eat, I was basically catatonic and dropped out of school. I tried multiple times to return to school but I just got worse and worse. 

I developed issues such as throwing up just by thinking of going to school and when I did attend school I would get anxiety attacks, excusing myself to the bathroom and just end up skipping school.
This is was lead me to dropping out. (Skipping one class turned into skipping a few more than whole days and weeks.)

It was during the times I would try to return to school that I had the worse experiences with people, especially teachers. 
 
I have so many memories of just being ridiculed and shamed. 

Examples include
• Teacher asking why I bother coming back to class 

• Teacher moving me from my front row seat to back of the class because another student deserves it more 

• Teacher telling me i’m not cool for skipping school and wasting their time in front of the whole class

• Teacher telling me I’m wasting resources and to just go to normal classes. (I was in AP classes)
 
These memories never leave my mind.

I’m better now (treatment center, medication, therapy, GED, etc.) and I’m in College finishing my first year.  It’s all been great except for my old HighSchool 

I still live close by the school and whenever I drive by alone all these feeling come back and I have to throw up and leave. I get shaky and I get cold and I feel like I want to faint. 

I have to drive by it to to get to work and school and even passing by in a car I feel sick. I’ll take a longer route sometimes just so I don’t get these feelings back.  

I don’t know how to face it. I’ve tried going to the school (quarantine has it empty) but I just break down before I can. It’s embarrassing and no one knows about it. I’m better now so I don’t understand why all of a sudden this is become such an issue for me. Has anyone else had a issue like this. I feel like all my progress means nothing now because I’m still not over these issues.