Hi all,
I have been learning since August intermittently due to the pandemic. I started learning with a terrible instructor who has now been reported to the DVSA and retired. I had about 15 lessons with him in a manual. I’ve started learning again in an automatic, with a new instructor who has taken on students from him, all of which have suffered with great insecurity when driving. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and prescribed an antidepressant, but you can imagine how scary it is for someone who already has an anxiety disorder and has had developed fear of driving. My mum is struggling to pay for lessons, and messaged my new instructor hoping to take my lessons down to an hour. My instructor responded that I really need as much time as possible,especially since I don’t have a car to practise in. She also noted how I have processing issues, which I was aware of. My mum showed me the message and I was upset with myself. I said, “Why am I so bad at everything?”, and my mum agreed. I just feel so incredibly guilty. In these moments I just think I’m better off not being here. I always thought I wouldn’t be able to do something like this and I feel I’m proving myself right in these circumstances. My parents had also bought me a manual car, which was a lot of money and we are finding it really hard to sell. Whilst driving, I really don’t trust myself and however hard I try, I’m just so lacking in self esteem I mess up. I cannot process things, I’m slow and indecisive, I’m convinced I’m incapable and have no perception of special awareness. I just suck.