I don't know man . I really don't know what am I doing 
 
But here i am ,asking helps 

I just need someone to talk about sth, like if I do suffer from depression or not. 
Let me assume that the suffering of all these years is the thing called depression 
There is this part inside me knowing I need to fight this mood or this thing.till recently I started feeling tired of the sit .
The idea of  that maybe I ve had enough is dangerous and I know it