I wish I didn’t care so much for rejection or abandonment but I really do. I could hide it on the outside but it feels so treacherous on the inside. I feel as if I’ve gotten more self aware of BPD cycled emotions but I hate I still have to feel them. I know how to not enunciate the feelings through triggers but it feels like no matter how much mental chatter I give himself I still have to feel THAT emotion. 

Idk it just sucks