To start with, I am on medication that has really helped me. I went through a divorce a couple years ago that nearly broke me. Since then I've gotten my life back on track and done things I never thought I'd be able to do. To everyone else it looks like I've really gotten myself together and "risen above hardship," and to my own credit I guess I have in many ways.

So why do I feel so apathetic and lost now? I really don't understand why I feel so bad. I tried calling the local mental health place to schedule some therapy, but they're understaffed and the waiting list time is laughable. I don't have money to do the online therapy.

Today I took off work even though I'm not really physically sick. I just took a xanax and slept most of the day. I feel like shit that I missed work. The thing is, I like my job mostly. I have a romantic partner who treats me nicely. Yet I'm struggling to find the point to anything anymore. 

I look at my family and realize that I'll never have the things they have that give them reasons to live—kids, religious faith, longterm partners, a nice house, etc. I am 40 and while I don't think life is "over" because of my age, I'm just now realizing how late it is to start anything like that. Everything seems so empty and ultimately pointless.

Sorry for the rant, I guess I'm just looking for confirmation that I have a problem? Do other normal people feel this way? It has become a fairly regular feeling lately. I really do not know what to do that I have not already done.