Then I started having those negative thoughts and voices telling me all sorts of anxiety inducing shit. Like this is all a set up to get back at you and she's not really your friend anymore. For some context we've known each other since middle school(6th grade) and were best friends to the point of moving in with each other when I turned 18. That ended up in me getting arrested, stealing a couple hundred from her and us getting evicted.

Of course there were reasons why I took the money mostly the medium size dog her and her bf had that shit all over the apartment and not cleaning it up or ever taking it out in walks. Maybe I should've handled it like an adult but despite being 18 I was anything but. It's been 12 years since we've really talked since then because I kind of fell apart because I stole from a friend (what happens when your self righteous ego kills itself). We've always been connected through SNS though and she's reached out to me a few times but this is the first I've actually gone and seen her (thanks to some help from some antidepressants). 

However, like the title says it was fun and relaxed until I left and felt like her trying to reconnect is some kind of set up for some huge emotional payback (wild isn't it?).  Most of me still wants to go along with it anyway cause even if it is I probably deserve it. At the same time though I'm scared to go along with it cause what if it's right. I'm already broken (anxiety, depression, clearly paranoia) what happens when a broken man shatters? I really don't want to find out.