I haven’t been taking my meds as I should be lately. Idk sometimes I just feel like I don’t need it but then I have my episodes and it’s like I know I need them but I spent too much time off of them so maybe it’s too late. On top of that I’m always getting into arguments with my mom over them because she says that I don’t need them and “it’s all in my head.” I just want to get better, I want to feel better. Right now I can’t even tell what I’m feeling because I’m in this state of dissociation where nothing feels real. It’s like I’m just watching my life being lived, me typing this alone doesn’t feel real. I want to reach out but I don’t have friends and I don’t want to worry my girlfriend. 

A few weeks ago I was at the hospital due to a back injury so they prescribed me some meds to help (flexeril) they’re only 10mg but I like the feeling they give me so I take 2 or 3 a night. I know this is an issue and it’s not like I’m dependent on them it’s literally only been a few days but I know by not following my prescribed dosage I’m fuckin up a bit. I just want to make myself feel out of place so I can blame it on the substance and not my brain. I don’t know if that even makes sense but I hope it does. I just felt like speaking up about this on here since I can’t anywhere else.