TW: suicide.

Im laying on the couch scrolling through every single social app there is, trying to find something that gives me a feeling of life. I’ve spent the last hour singing my ass of to myself and drinking in my own company. The only thing running through my head is “if you do it (referring to a buddy of mine who hung himself in his parents house) your parents will probably move” 
I don’t know man, I’m depressed. That’s all. It’s hard to explain what I’m feeling rn. And I guess I’m just spitting thoughts. I needed to vent to someone else than my cat. 

I’m not on the verge of killing my self. Im really not, but… my head is playing the different scenarios a lot. If I could, I would freeze time, lay down and sleep for 60 years. Wake up and have everything going to normal again, finally feeling well rested. 

I hate everything, but at the same same time love everyone. I don’t want to live, but don’t want to miss out. I want to escape the reality of my own self being, but at the same time, I want to be taking an active part of my own life . 

It’s like… you know… fuck!