Hello everybody. I don‘t know if this belongs here but I have noone else to talk to. 
Since years I am dealing with panic attacks and I am diagnosed with Agoraphobia (crowded places) and depression. I am a student and I used to work next to my studies to earn some money but it was never enough to move out of home. Since my panicattacks got significantly worse I had to quit my job, so my finances are really bad at the moment but my mental state stops me from getting an other job. The only reason Im still able to attend Uni is because everything is online and I can study from my room. So I dont have to interact with the outside world, if that makes sense.
My boyfriend recently broke up with me because I am not „emotionally stable“. We were together for 6 years. This was really hard for me, because he used to be the only person I talked to about my problems.
I was born and raised in an immigrant family with two brothers. My father died 5 years ago out of nowhere, which worsened my situation even more. He used to be my protector while my mom made me feel that I am her least favourite child every single day…. In her eyes I only bring problems and in our culture boys are worthier anyway.
My mother makes sure to make me feel unwelcome in her house each day by telling me all the time she is happy when I am finally gone.
I wished i could just move out but I dont have any money and I also dont have any close friends I could ask for help. Recently I am just thinking about ending everything. I lost all my motivation and I don‘t see anything worth fighting for anymore. Honestly I just have no more power to fight.