So my anxiety has been absolutely awful for the past few weeks. I literally can't do shit every single day because I'm just.. too anxious and it's making me super depressed. I have very intense health anxiety, and was terrified of going to the doctors. But some shit happened and I ended in the ER twice in a week. Led to me being even more anxious.

I have a therapist, I'm trying to meditate/do breathing exercises several times a day. I've been drinking camomile tea because sometimes it helps. I cut out all coffee over a month ago. I don't drink alcohol anymore. 

I can't eat regularly without forcing myself. I feel physically overwhelmed by the water in the shower, so I can barely shower properly. Anyways, it's been hell and now I'm about to fail an important university class. 

The ER doctor prescribed me 20 0.5mg of ativan to help me until I get a better prescription.. and I finished that in 2-3 weeks. I usually took half (so 0.25mg) in the evening and that helped + allowed me to sleep properly. 

Now I finally saw a GP a few days ago and he prescribed me 10mg celexa. He said it could make me a bit nauseous, and "haha make my anxiety worse".. for 1-3 weeks. Why the fuck would I want? Being nauseous is a "trigger" for my anxiety (emetophobia). He suggested more benzos while I adjust to the celexa but I've been taking some almost daily for ~ 2 weeks so fuck that, I don't want to deal with benzo WD.

I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I can't bring myself to take my meds even if they'll probably help me in the long run. I'm exhausted mentally. I feel so anxious even right now.. I feel like I can't breathe. Yesterday felt like an actual good day.. I was barely anxious. And now today feels like I'm back to spare one.