I have something in my head. Someone is using it to try and control what I do. I will get these flashes or ideas to do something that is soo hard to ignore. They are things I DO NOT want to do. For example it will make me put my hand in a pot of boiling water or not eat for a day or two (these are very mild examples, sometimes it's things a lot worse, like to hurt someone else). So far I have been able to keep control enough to not do anything that would hurt someone else, but I generally give in to the things that hurt me. I guess to try and placate whoever or whatever is doing this so they don't something even more drastic to gain control over me.

Also it sort of projects voices to me. I say projects because the voices seem to come from outside my head (like I'm hearing it through my ears) not inside my head. No one else can hear it though. Sometimes it tells me to do the same things I get from the impulses it sends, but other times it will just say horrible things to me, or narrate the what I'm doing or tell me what other people are thinking and even sometimes it/they will just scream for hours on end.

I honestly don't know what do. I have (briefly) mentioned all this to my husband, but because of my diagnoses of schizo affective disorder he assumes this is hallucinations/delusions. I do understand why he would think that, but I lived through those past delusions and I can tell this is different, this is real.

I don't know who is doing this to me, or to what end and I'm terrified. Has anyone ever had this happen to them? What happened?

I have been contemplating killing myself because 1 it would end my miserable life but more importantly 2 I would be taking myself out before I do actually hurt someone. 

Some one please give me some advice. What do I do? I am at the end of my rope.