I’m trying really hard not to lose it at the moment, no one knows about my situation and I have no one to reach out to and I need to vent. It’s a bit of a long story. 
I’m extremely triggered right now. My partner has a fully remote job, it’s a relatively small company and the employees live all over the world. Due to the pandemic he hasn’t yet met his boss, so his boss invited him to fly out to meet him on his boat on a Caribbean island for a couple of weeks. We had initially discussed me going with him and taking the trip together, as I also work remotely. Fast forward a couple of days and he then tells me that I’m no longer going with him, and instead he is going with his female coworker (who in my opinion he already has a very inappropriate relstionship with, and has been the centre of many past arguments). The flights for them flights had already been booked, they’ll be driving hours away to the airport together and staying there overnight as the flight is early-ish in the morning. 
So many feelings and triggers activated. He is leaving on Tuesday 31st for the flight on 1st September and won’t be back until the 12th September. He’s chosen to not take me with him, and instead travel with a female colleague who he knows I am uncomfortable with. He hasn’t apologised for this even though I’ve spent the last couple of weeks sobbing, I’ve lost 5kg in a couple of weeks, I can’t eat and can’t sleep because of this trip he’s taking. 
I know I have BPD, but I feel like even to someone without it, it would still be a shitty thing to have to deal with emotionally. 
He’s going to be staying with his boss and his boss’ girlfriend, and this female colleague on a boat for 2 weeks. I don’t know anything about it, how many bedrooms it has or what those sort of arrangements are and there isn’t a way for me to ask without him knowing it’s coming from a place of insecurity and mistrust. 
I’m so broken over this. He’s chosen to have this experience without me, and I can’t function any more
I feel like I’m at tipping point and I just don’t know what to do, im hurting so badly