I am bipolar II with mixed episodes. Truly I am in awe that I can not stop self sabatoging. I am more stable than ever and it feels like in consequence I can not stop self sabatoging. My theory is I don't know how to accept that I can be happy or be successful since I was used to such a different set of emotions. I didn't sleep much last night because I was studying for a test I just took this morning which I know can cause the flip. Neither the less I am in professional school  and I study so hard to when it comes to test taking I just decide to chose the wrong answer. I was 90% sure about the right answer for so many of the questions but for what's reason I wanted to get them wrong so I chose the wrong answer.

Truly I don't understand it. I hope you guys are hanging in there because I am deeply struggling right now. I used to be so good at trusting myself when I was manic and having better grades when I was predominantly manic. It doesn't make sense to me truly. Seeking for comfort and advice.