I dealt with and came out of depression many times, but this is different. I feel like my perspective of myself is wrong. I feel like I do and say things that people look at me, and see how unstable I am. I want to mask myself so badly, stop being myself. I question every move I make and really only find relief when I’m home alone. It’s hard to go out in public. I become overstimulated and fidgety. I’m overly aware of my surroundings and my state of mind. I am mentally and physically exhausted. By the end of my day, I don’t even feel like I’m here. I get agitated easily and I feel like my reactions and responses are significantly different from others. I want to talk about it, but when I’m vulnerable, I can’t ration my thoughts. I’m too much for the people in my life. I try to hold back every comment I have in fear that they will think I’m losing it. 

Is this part of anxiety or AM I crazy? I was diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD so part of me hopes this is just a side effect of my Adderall. At this point, I’d MUCH rather deal with the challenges that ADHD throws at me, then take the med and continue to feel like this. I’m suffering.