Hi. I know there is a lot of new subjects everyday and my post might totally get lost into it.
But I'm just tired today.

I'm a 23yo female and I've been dealing with severe anxiety, emetophobia, panic disorder and agoraphobia since I'm 7.

Basically I don't know how it is to live normally. My brain is conditioned with anxiety. 
In my best times I could take the bus to go alone do some groceries but I never go far from home.
It's always going by wave and recently I'm in a really bad period where I do panic attack almost everytime I have to go out.
I was never able to be fully independent. I'm tired to have to ask people to take me somewhere everytime. I feel like a burden.

Everytime I'm in a situation where what I consider as the exit is not near me, I totally panic. I feel fine in nature and in calm places but everytime I got to go in a building, a shop or anything similar I just freak out and I have to be near the exit otherwise I'll do a panic attack. I have this feeling that I'm choking and suffocating and this is the worst part of the panic attack. I absolutely know that there are no risk, that it's only a panic attack but damn everytime it's so intense. And I'm always so angry and disappointed about myself when I do a panic attack even when I'm doing simple things.
It's also hard to feel judge by people who doesn't understand.

I'm actually seeing a psychologist, and I've seen a ton of psychiatrist and doctor in my life. I even have been in a psychiatric day hospital for teenager when I was 14.
I'm not going into too much details but I've been through some rough stuff in my life so I know where my anxiety comes from. Adding to that I've lost my mom due to cancer 4 years ago and it was the most devastating thing I ever lived.

It's not so long ago I started to see my new therapist and I really appreciate the work we're doing together. I hope it will help. He's sure I can progress but right now I feel so down..
I must also add that I'm not depressed. I'm feeling down right now but otherwise I'm quite happy about my life except the anxiety part. I have a super boyfriend, nice friends, and I make livings from my passion.
But my panic disorder is keeping me from living fully. I just want to be free! I want to change, I really really do.

I'm not really hoping for any answer , I'm thankful if you read all of this.
I just want to know if there are people who are struggling as much as me that were able to progress and gain back a "normal" life? Because right now I truly feel like a desperate case..

Thank you ❤️