I tried cooking, now I made huge mess and I have no energy to clean it and I feel really disgusting, I just feel so tired and irritated that it didn't turn out how I hoped it would have. I feel really disgusting, but same time the amount of cleaning feels overwhelming. I always end up getting my hopes up and then failing and crashing back to depression/emptiness with everything, it's always like this. My whole life is chaos. I hate mess , I hate it, but I have no energy, why am I like this??