What I mean by that question is, do you ever experience the extreme anger that can come on as a result of something but then have trouble expressing that anger to someone?  I have a lot of trouble disagreeing or arguing with people even though I feel like I need to, and it's mostly because I'm afraid that if I argue then people will think I'm difficult or needy or dramatic.  Not to mention the way I always second-guess myself and think that I'm overreacting or that I'm upset about something not real.


So what ends up happening is I internalize it and my anger almost always immediately becomes this worked-up kind of sadness that I take out on myself because it feels like the thing that I'm angry about wouldn't have happened if there wasn't something wrong with me.  I usually feel nauseous and my thoughts start racing and that's the time when I want to relapse into my eating disorder or cut myself.  I don't ACTUALLY want those things but when I'm in the moment it feels like I do.

I know it would be better if I could just be ok with having an argument, but I just don't know how to stand up for myself.  Ultimately I feel like I let myself get walked on, and then I get angry at myself for that, and it's just this horrible cycle.


Does anyone else feel that way or is it just me?