If I think about the people around me, there's only a single one who understands what I go through and even then she's in a completely different place in life. Even when talking to pwBPD I feel like a pathetic mess who can't function even half as much in society despite trying. I remember this time a friend asked me how I'm doing while at the time I was going thru and episode and on the brink of going homeless. Guess what, he basically just went all 'yea totally same' cuz he's *broke* despite living with loving middle class parents who paid for his car. Maybe that just sounds bitchy, I didn't say anything to him but that basically sums up how I feel in my circle. I don't wanna be pitied either  

I'm not looking for someone to bond over negative shit with, I'm not expecting someone to be a psych, I just wanna feel human again. I try my best to work on myself and I'm pretty self aware so I can definitely be a good friend but I feel very drained and invalidated socially. Most of the friends I've really felt like I could trust were people in similar situations yet how do you make those? Where? Discord just gets me ignored, reddit gets me horny messages, irl I gotta wait till after the lockdown