Hi everyone! Basically I’m just looking for peace or someone that’s been in my situation… 

Since I was a girl I was diagnosed with asthma my first trauma started when an intern at the hospital was checking my oxygen and she said it was lowering, which it did not, I started crying and sobbing, which made my heart go faster, the doctor came and calmed me down, from that experience I got traumatized I thought I was gonna die, I remember seeing a girl that couldn’t pee and I was convinced that I couldn’t pee as well, at least for a few weeks. 

Then when I was 10 I heard a girl that had a brain tumor, I was 100% convinced that I had one as well and I swear I woke up everyday with headaches that lasted all day , I started getting medication and I got better. 

Coming to my future I become a young mom at 19, my child is now 2, so yeah, I’m 22 and I am very young, I’ve been treated in these years for thanatophobia, when my baby was born I loved him so much but also I was freaking out something would happen to him, I also got a little of postpartum depression and had intrusive thoughts, those got away when i started treatment, sertralin because I was breastfeeding, I love my son no matter what and the thing is that every time he gets sick, my anxiety goes up. 

Now there’s another thing, growing up I had some violence from my dad, he changed and everything but a few days before my birthday this year, he yelled at my face terrible, since that day I’ve not been the same. 

I need to add that I’m a person that finds very hard speaking, so when I got pregnant my partner left me and I had a very depressive and lonely pregnancy, in which I never spoke how I felt, I only slept, and eat during 9 months, of course those feelings changed when my son was born, I love him till death, and I want to be better for him 

In the present my new boyfriend is the most loyal, present and peaceful person that I’ve met, he just gives me the peace I need. 

After two years of sertralin I decided I needed to stop for 2 weeks, worst idea I’ve ever had then this happens,

Coming back from the day my dad yelled at me I started getting sick, I had my first panic attack at the mall with my boyfriend, I was looking for some toys when I felt like a hot flash then cold flashes, I felt like I was gonna fall, felt so weak, I felt weaves of panic, that couldn’t stop, and this has never happened to me before, now I’m super sensitive to everything that happens around me, I got 3 panic attacks in 1 week and half and I felt every time I was dying. 

What I feel is like dizzy, then my hands start shaking, I get pale, I feel panic, the next days I feel dissociated and scared also I keep checking the color of my nails or how much I’m shaking, am in dying? Do I have a tumor?  My blood tests came normal, everything is normal but I feel every little single thing is going to trigger me, I’m tired of feeling panic

Am I sick, do I have to change my treatment, my psychiatrist will see me on October 28, but I need peace