I found out recently that my father was diagnosed as a narcissist with a Type A personality. The diagnosing doctor was a court- appointed therapist and asked him on 3 different occasions, "if it was in his daughter's [me] best interest to spend more time with her mother, would you fight it?" He replied he would all three times. I was a fucking trophy to be won.

My mom tried to have this doctor be my guardian ad litum for me during the custody dealings. My dad said no and the court appointed someone else. My dad manipulated this man in every way. He won custody of me.

I feel betrayed and failed by the system. I was never heard. It was brushed off as me being coached by my mom (nope). I'm so goddamn broken. It's my father's fault and if ANYONE had listened to 8 year old me, everything might be different. I might not be so damn broken. I know I wouldn't have a BPD diagnosis. He. Broke. Me. I was his trophy to win and then break and he won. In every way, he fucking won. I don't know how to deal with this.