One of my best friends has always dreamed of getting married and having kids. I knew it was always the goal. And now, its finally all happening and i cant even be happy for her. I feel so selfish. Its like, i wish we werent even friends anymore. And trust me, im sure that will happen soon with the baby. Which is also why im upset. Shes someone ive loved and cared about for so long, how am I a good friend if I cant be happy when she finally gets what she wants?  

I know part of it is because i dont want marriage/kids so I honestly judge people who do. Which also doesnt make sense since thats like....everyone. 

Some of my friends are moving out of state to follow their dreams. And i just wish something would happen so they have to stay here longer. 

I feel like Im losing all of my friends and im so upset, when really I should be so happy for them. But for some reason I care more about my own happiness than theirs. Even though most days im not happy when theyre here anyways. How do I deal with being so selfish? I dont want these thoughts. I want to be a good friend. I want to be supportive. Just like they have done for me. But I feel like with this disorder I physically cant do it.  
Does anyone have similar thoughts or advice?