I am not diagnosed, I've never been a stable person. I thought I was crazy, because I knew everyone else couldnt feel like this, otherwise the world would stop working. I started reading peoples experiences on here, and the symptoms and everything just clicked with me. I was really in love for the first time a year ago and ruined it. I would split REALLY bad and become verbally abusive. I started cutting and even sent this girl some photos of it. Looking back I cant figure out why I thought that was okay. She even gave me chances after all of that and I still ruined it. I am ashamed of myself every second of everyday for how I treated that person, and for what I ruined. I've just cut everyone out of my life, family, friends, I just cant have anyone in my life. I feel like I have to "save" the world from myself and just isolate till I die. I dont feel like I can do this anymore. I cant connect to anyone. I would be talking to my mom and just not recognize her, and feel no connection to her. I dont know what to do. By the end of every day I am exhausted from the up and down. I deleted instagram because something as small as the girl who I was in love with not viewing my story will make me spiral. I hate this, I just want to feel nothing, and need no one and die at some point in the next 7 years.