I split on my fp the other night and then proceeded to get blackout drunk and take adderall, I woke up at 4pm the next day and checked my phone to see that I tried calling him multiple times and one of the calls went through. 

I didn’t know what I said because I got Blackout Drunk™️ but we didn’t speak for a few days until today because I had some of his dishes in my flat, so I messaged him to say I cleaned them and that he could get them, then I apologised for calling him and explained that I was super gone that night and I figured he wasn’t talking to me because I annoyed him by calling so much. 

THEN he proceeds to tell me that I was really horrible to him that night which sent my stomach through my ass. Obviously I apologised and then he said that it’s fine and most of the stuff I said was true. I’m fucking horrified at myself because he’s confided in me many times and if I used any of that against him I will hate myself forever. 

I honestly don’t know what to do because I wouldn’t want to be friends with me after this either but also if he goes I’ll literally explode. I don’t know how to apologise and I don’t know if he’ll forgive me and I’m freaking the fuck OUT. 

Anyways if anyone’s read this far then the moral of the story is that I fucked this like I fuck everything else and I just want to disappear. Thank you for listening to my TED talk on why I should’ve died at birth. 

Good day