i'm part of a friendgroup of 3 people. the other two person, i comsiders as my best friends, since they are my only ones. but they knew and were best friends before me, they already have a deeper friendship between them.
one of them doesn't care about my feelings about social stuff so i don't really talk about this with her.
but the other tries to communicate this trough with me, and everytime she says some assuring stuff but i don't feel like she really cares about how i feel. yeah she tells me a lot of nice stuff but i don't see any changes about her behaviour towards me, or any signs that she really understand whats up with me.

they meet a lot without me and they share more stuff with each other than with me. everytime i see they were together my chest starts to hurt and i really hate feeling so bad for no reason. i spend time with them separately too, so i don't find feeling this way fair.

but it hurts me so much and i start to feel like one of them actually had enough of me and i'm really scared of losing them, i can hardly make friends, i feel so lonely and panic a lot over about them leaving me one day and i'm going to be totally alone again.

it's summer break but they barely even talk to me. i have strict parents and i just can't be there and spend time with them even if they invite me irl, but i don't think they understand this either :c

i just needed to rant this out of me, thanks for reading!^^