I’m 25 years old still living with my parents, it seems like now if I ask my partners anything they will just reply with ‘shut up’. I know they don’t want me at home anymore. I smoke weed on a night time which I think is the main reason, they just think it’s a drug like crack and heroin and they don’t want anything to do with it. I respect their rules and will go on a bike ride somewhere quiet to smoke for an hour or 2 before I go to bed. They assume I’m smoking it 24/7 which I tell them all the time I don’t and whenever I get a little bit fustrated it all comes down to ‘smoking too much weed’ 

When I was younger I would get angry and punch walls, break fences shout and scream. 

 I first got arrested when I was 12 years old for beating a kid up. The same rage I felt then I still feel.
I understand when I was 15 to 19/20 I thought I was untouchable to everyone, I would go out and get drunk/high, get into fights, steal, sleep with any women etc and I thought I could do this for the rest of my life. 

I slowly learnt my lessons by getting arrested and the odd fight which wouldn’t go my way I also got made to do an community order at one point and I don’t want to do that again.



I have only had 1 proper relationship with some one and they left me when I was 15 for someone who was supposed to be my friend. Every since then even 10 years later I still dream about her. I feel cold hearted almost everyday. Since she left me I’ve smoked weed everyday non stop for 10 years, now I only smoke a quick gram or less before bed but that’s what makes me feel comfy like someone is hugging me on a night in a way. I’ve had 2/3 women I’ve slept with since but I haven’t been able to trust them and build and sort of relationship.

My ‘friends’ when I was that age was all mainly users Who stopped replying to my messages or phone calls.


My mum and dad have kicked me out 2 times, both times did nothing and just created an even bigger hatred for them. I don’t understand how they can make me wonder the streets when I’m in this place because of hanging out on the street taking drugs/fighting.


They say it’s my ‘attitude’ I get the most blunt, rude answers possible some times off my parents when I’m asking them a normal question but when I finally react by slamming a door and telling them how I feel (in an argumentative way which I admit) 


Now I have 1 friend who I maybe see 3 times a week, all I want to do is play video games and do shit I wish I did at 15.

I have had 5 different jobs, all lasted about half a year and I would get myself in an even worse state mentally as I am now.

I know I’m more tilted/high rate when I haven’t smoked and it’s a problem but what can do, I feel like I’ll do something crazy stupid if I even try not to smoke for 1 night