Constantly having to get up and go to work just so I can survive and then do it all again the next day felt so meaningless. I straight up quit my job. I thought that once I did that all my depression would go away. I thought that maybe I could be doing something better. Instead I discovered that I quit because I lack any sort of motivation to do practically anything. I do nothing but sit at home wondering how I’m gonna pay rent with no job. I’d go get help and maybe see a therapist but it’s a luxury I can’t afford. I slowly digged my way into debt by buying marijuana cause it seems to be the only way to escape. Now I can’t even afford that anymore. The only escape now feels like committing suicide. I know everyone would be sad that I’m gone. They might even blame themselves. Maybe it would be selfish of me to do that. I don’t see what else to do though. It’s not as simple as “pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keep going”. I don’t want to just work until I’m dead. There’s no purpose in that. So why not do it? What’s the point to keep going? All I’d do is be a burden on the people around me. I certainly wouldn’t want to constantly bring them down with me with my constant whining and bitching. People say there’s a lot of good in life, and while I do agree with that, it seems that the older I get the more the bad outweighs any sort of good. I don’t want to get to an even worse point than the one I’m already in.