[tldr at bottom]

i have an intense fear of the dark, and i often stay out in the living room after everyone else has gone to bed. this leaves me to shut everything off before i go to my room. its routine, now. i stand for a while contemplating if i should call someone or not (having someone on the phone helps me feel like im not gonna get stabbed by someone) and if theres nobody available on the phone, im screwed and i start to freak out, because i have to do this on my own with no protection that phone calls provide. every time, with someone on the phone or not, once i shut that last light off i run like my ass is on fire until i get to my room.

no matter how many times i do it by myself, no matter how many different techniques i try, i cant get over it. its so exhausting. it might not seem like that big of a deal but i genuinely feel like my life is on the line every single night that i do this. im starting to think that i cant do anything to help myself with this, and that my only option is medication. i dont understand. there has to be a way right? there has to. i dont want to rely on meds for some stupid fear of the dark that i never got over.

tldr; trying to get over intense fear of the dark is showing no progress whatsoever. i dont want medication to be my only option.