My partner put a timer on our relationship. He finally told me, in plain language, that he is unhappy in our relationship and if in 6 months he is still unhappy we are done. 

I’ve been through and graduated a DBT program. I am actively in therapy. I am actively using skills to improve my emotional regulation and working on minimizing over reactions. I am actively working on maintaining his boundaries, communicating what I’m feeling, and minimizing my symptoms so I can function. I am pushing myself to be better for him, for me, for our relationship and I feel powerless right now. 

We still fight. From my perspective most of the fights are resolved quickly. I am working on processing my emotions in a healthy way so it doesn’t come out as rage episodes or weeks of depressive episodes where I need to be taken care of constantly. I’m trying my best to listen and seriously take his thoughts and feelings into account in my day to day.

I don’t know where I’m going wrong. I’m unhappy and drained and I feel like I’m the only one putting everything I have into improving this relationship. He told me that he doesn’t think the DBT skills are working because they don’t make him feel good. He told me I’m selfish for using so much of his patience. He thinks my symptoms are worse now before I started my treatment. He thinks I’m ridiculous for wanting to find a dbt/borderline specific therapist while continuing therapy. 

I feel like crap and there has been a feeling of dread ever since we had this conversation. I’m terrified. We have been in a relationship for nearly six years. I love him so much and I want this to work. I don’t know what to do.