Hi, 

I’m new here and still learning about BPD, so apologise if I’m talking crap or using any terms incorrectly, no offence intended if so. 

I’ve been talking to someone online for just under a month and we’re getting on really well. We aren’t friends on social media but talking through a messaging app. I know they have public social media  profiles, but we aren’t friends or anything on there. 

Since the beginning we’ve gotten on really well and have tonnes in common, to a ridiculous extent. They were open early on that they have ADHD and a form of trypophobia (linked to certain foods and their sizes) which I was appreciative of and assured them it changed nothing between us. 

There have been odd discrepancies in their story since the start, which don’t quite match what I know from being nosey on their social media. Things such as their job(s), birthday, the fact they have two children (that they refer to as their nieces when they talk to me), what car they own, what siblings they have, pet’s names, amongst other things.

I tried confronting some of these last week (without giving away I knew the truth already from their socials) and assured them if they’d been untrue to this point that it wouldn’t change my opinion of this person and they can be honest with me without fear of me leaving because of our connection. But they didn’t change their story and stuck to their guns. They got very defensive thinking I’d been nosing on their profiles and tried turning it back on me (how a catfish might do) and said I didn’t trust them.

Since then I was looking through their liked pages on facebook and there was a BPD one amongst them. So I looked into BPD to see whether the traits could explain anything and I’ve seen similar stories about relentless lying about even just trivial things.

The stress of not knowing if I’m being catfished or if this person just struggles with interactions is taking it’s toll. We seem to both want to meet and we’ve come close to on a couple of spontaneous suggestions, but didn’t follow through. I want to be sure they are who they say they are before we meet, but don’t want to point fingers.

I’ve got it down to;

- They are them but struggle with the mental health side of things and opening up, they told me about ADHD and Trypo but struggle to bring up the BPD? Or they are testing the waters before telling me? 

- OR They’re a catfish using pictures from these social media profiles, trying to get as close to the real person’s story but doesn’t quite align with the real person, they got called out and gaslighted me

Any advice please?