It’s so fucking sad but I have to do it. I got humiliated very badly at 18 in college. I won’t get into it except for that I was wearing makeup in a very frat-like environment. I wasn’t owning the makeup and I told these guys my dad died. I was super naive and didn’t know anything about the world. It is what it is but it was so fucking bad. I was bullied and not treated well. 

How am I supposed to rise above it and genuinely pursue a passion? I do have many positive qualities and I’m not ugly but that’s honestly irrelevant. I wish that I just met kinder people. I cannot pursue things with a clear conscious. Everything is about having to “win” and show them I’m better. They activated my ego and made me hate everything and them. All I had to do was take the fucking makeup off and beat the living shit out of all of them. I wanna kill them. Whatever though lol