Right now, I'm okay.

Last week, I was not fine. Everyday, I was thinking of ways to kill myself. Searching for drugs that I may die of overdose, looking for where can I hang myself, crying a lot, thinking I'm a burden to my friends and family. Looking at the knife, thinking if I should cut myself and looking for blades. Losing interest and appetite. I was scared of myself, on what I might do.

Two nights ago, I told my mom that I might need therapy and we cried together for that night. I didn't tell her anything apart from I want to kill myself. From that night, I began staying at a different room, apart from my mom. She buys me snacks that I like and don't bother me that much anymore.

I'm fine right now. She told me I was just overthinking. Am I really just overthinking? Was I just looking for attention? Did I just needed to let it out once? or do I need therapy?

Also, the feeling of a burden to my family kinda stays. Therapy is around 25-50$/hour (pricey for my family and I'm from the PH), because both my mom and dad needs operation and we don't really have an income this quarantine. I tried to applied to a free consultation in our school but it says you need to wait one-two months for that.