i'm bummed out... in one week, i just lost two relationships i really cared about and probably weakened one more. it's at the point that i feel SORRY for anyone who enters my life, because everyone will slip up at some point. i wish i could viscerally feel what other people feel in relationships or somehow just crack their brain open and know they are trustworthy, but the paranoia messes with me and spills over. 

i keep telling myself every time it happens that it's just that the other person wasn't into it, or they were an egregious douche, but i think i am also hypersensitive. and MEAN. it wouldn't be such a big deal if the meanness didn't come out every single time.

in an ideal world i would love to just consult other people all the time about how to feel and how to react because apparently my feeling are way off base. it's like

come closer &gt; come closer &gt; come closer &gt; come closer &gt; where the fuck did you go? &gt; go away forever, you asshole/loser/cretin 

wait, come back!!!

ad infinitum

the truth is i know everyone who leaves is sort of stupid at some level to come back, there are no exceptions to the rule, i feel like a broken child who doesn't know how to love. 

sorry for the long rant