I've been struggling with relationships my whole life but i recently met a guy whos practically perfect on paper. he barely talks to girls, is conservative with himself, super understanding of me and is willing to go through alot just to make me happy, basically everything ive wanted. but im honestly still so fucked up and messed up from all the shit i went through and have not been able to take care of me or really focus on myself. i dont want to lose him but i dont want a relationship with him either. however, as shitty as this sounds, im stringing him along for some fucking reason and my brain wont allow me to let go. im so fucked up that i try my best to start fights so i can have an out but hes always understanding and i end up staying. i dont know. i know what im doing is bad but i feel like i cant ever find someone as good as him again so i should just settle for someone im not crazy about. (hes not my fp lol and the only way i think i feel love is if someones my fp). i know i need to work on myself and put a hold on romantic relationships but i feel like if i leave him ill somehow end up in some fucked up toxic relationship with someone else and regret everything. what do i do? i rlly need any type of advice rn and would appreciate it if it was as friendly as possible and not blatantly calling me an asshole. i already know i am one.