 I tried to be friends with a group of people last year and it ended terribly. If you got on the bad side of the "leader", he would try to ruin you socially and make sure no one has any thing to do with you. Be it sports teams around town or the local hangout spots. He has connections and can make life very difficult.  I ended up on the bad side of the "leader" for a misunderstanding and was exiled. All these people are in their 30s and 40s, by the way. Too old to act like this. I still miss a few of them. I have consciously decided not to get close with anyone ever again. I don't want to go through losing close people again.  Isolating myself from society has been great. I've had no issues with my mood since. It's lonely sometimes, but it's better for me over all. 


Out of the blue, an old friend (former FP) from the group calls to see how things have been. He then goes on for the next hour talking about all the group activities, hangouts, and vacations they've all had and are doing together this summer. I ended up getting off the phone when he wouldn't stop talking about the latest game night they had and trying to explain all the inside jokes. 

This has really messed me up. I have horrible abandonment issues and I really miss *some* of the people even though I know they hate me now.  I just feel like I'm spiraling into a depression again. It took so long to get into a good place all on my own.  I don't know why I let these people have such an affect on me. Maybe because it was the first time in 30 something years that I've felt accepted into a social group and lost it all in a day? I don't even know why I'm writing this here. I'm rambling at this point. Reddit has just been my go to since ditching social media and the real world. I'm just so upset and trying not be irrational right now. 

I'm not on meds any more or see a Therapist. I lost my health insurance a few months ago, also don't qualify for Government assistance. So, I've been handling things on my own. My husband and mom don't like to hear about my "drama", as they call it. Husband is mad that he's still paying on a bill from my last mental break. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.