I'm a horrible friend. That's just a fact. I fucking *suck* at reliability, or consistency, or at just maintaining some sort of contact. I'll go without talking to friends for months, and then just show up (usually when I've gotten out of a relationship). I'll make plans and never follow through. I'm ashamed of it, and I hate it, but I don't know how to fix it or if I even want to.

It usually goes that I can only focus on one person at a time. So if I get into a relationship, you can kiss my ass goodbye because they will have my 150% attention until the day they dump me on the curb. Then I'll come crawling back to my friends feeling guilty for having abandoned them and give them my full attention until another relationship comes along. Repeat ad infinitum. 

I feel shitty about it. I've just turned one of my best friends against me because of it. She's finally fed up with my shit and I get it because I feel the same way. It hurts, though, to know that I make my friends feel like I'm hopeless and really just not worth knowing.

Being flaky is hard on me but maintaining more than one relationship at a time overwhelms me. I want to see my SO always but I can't be bothered to pick up the phone for my friends who have been through it all. I hate myself for it.

Whatever I suppose. :/
