My exBPD painted me black.  She split on me, in a very short time frame.  She was cold and cruel and withdrawn, in the span of a week or two.  It hurt so much.

&amp;#x200B;

She called me one morning, when we had plans, and said: "Yeah, um, we're not going to hang out today, in fact I need 3 to 6 months of no contact at all."  

&amp;#x200B;

I was crushed.  To me, it was out of nowhere.  We had been going to therapy, and I had been on my "best behavior" for weeks, working incredibly hard to show up for her in the way she needed it.   (BTW, she is not formally diagnosed w BPD, and I don't think she has any idea what BPD is, or that she has it...)    She started to really act out.  Try to pick fights.  Escalating as much as she could, trying to get me to engage, and escalate with her.  I kept my cool, and at the worst moment, she started throwing and breaking things and ultimately started to bang her head on the wall.  I think she gave herself a concussion.  

I kept it together through all that.  I was proud of myself.  I didn't take the bait.  

And yet, her response, after she couldn't get me to escalate too.... was to paint me black.  She split on me.  I believe it was because she could no longer blame me, and claim to be the victim (her consistent M.O.).   I believe what happened is she really had to take a look at herself, and what SHE was doing, and wasn't able to do that, or didn't want to.

&amp;#x200B;

AND YET, 3 days before she split on me, and basically dumped me, she wrote me the following, when I had asked for a couple of days of space:

"Thank you for your email.  I love you and respect your need for space and time.  It is the only way to gain clarity.  I'm hopeful we can pull through this and come out the other end with grace in a healthy space.  I want to be your partner, - your healthy, sane partner, and for you to be mine...  I'm sorry for all the times I acted out and caused you pain.  That wasn't OK.  It's for those reasons (my freak outs)  I am needing to step back and work on my resentments.  What's brewing inside me is pain and fear so intense, it's coming out and effecting the people I love most.  For that, I feel shame, guilt and fear.... I love you...."

&amp;#x200B;

It's so hard to understand how she could write this to me one day, and then split on me just a few short days later....

&amp;#x200B;

I'm in a fog!!!

&amp;#x200B;

&amp;#x200B;