So I kinda admitted to a friend of mine that I preferred another friend. They're both my friends and I almost see them as parent figures but I'm more attached to one as they're kinda like the cool dad to me, but I told my "mom" that I wanted to improve my relationship with her too and that I'll always still love her as a friend and mother figure. She got pretty upset and told me she had been feeling suicidal and that I made her feel that way all over again and that I ruined her day...

I hate this... I thought maybe letting her know would somehow show her I was open with her about how I felt and that we could improve our relationship a lot more and that I was happy to do that with her but maybe was i just too honest? Now I can't even fucking sleep knowing she's that upset... I just thought it might be ok but in hindsight and from my father figure's comfort he told me it was a pretty bad move but that I meant well, but I still feel fucking awful. She also blocked me and I just wish I could apologize over and over again and try to make it up to her and bond with her just like I wanted... 

I know I can't really nitpick since I did say something stupid but I'm also upset at her tendency to say "I feel awful because of you/you've ruined my day/I feel suicidal/like killing myself because of this" and... Like I do care about her a lot but this is just getting hurtful. I meant what I said in the best way possible to try and improve with her and I get if it was stupid and at the same time whenever she gets mad she says things like these and I kinda wish she'd stop, but I also know I was in the wrong this time.

This whole situation is just keeping me up and making my stomach churn...

Edit: She does feel a little left out sometimes and even asked me if I prefer my father figure and I just didn't wanna be dishonest and thought I could try to turn it into a positive situation by offering to deepen my bond with her but well you already see how I fucked it