I took a gap year from college because my mental health is really bad. Depression makes it hard for me to get out of bed and do my daily routines. Anxiety is a fucking bonus. I get panic attacks out of nowhere , it’s so hard to breathe and all I can do is cry and thug it out. I thought my gap year would help me get my shit together but I feel like things have gotten worse. I’m self harming again and all I do is sit in my room and contemplate why I’m still alive. Nothing makes me happy anymore and nothing is significant for me to keep pushing on. Ive got nothing to look forward to and i feel like a burden and a disappointment to my family members because i can’t function normal. I wish I wasn’t alive at all. I wish I was dead. I wish I got hit by a truck or miraculously get my hands on some pentobarbital because honestly I don’t want to keep going on