(just venting)

I’m so tired of feeling okay for a while then being crushed most of the year; I’m tired and exhausted. I was like this at fifteen, now I’m nineteen. 

I’ve been broken for five years and miserable for a longer time. when will this end? I don’t want to spend next year like this, I don’t want the rest of my life like this. 

where the fuck did I go wrong? I’m not evil, I don’t wish harm on others, I genuinely wanted to make the world a better place (back when I had the energy to have goals)… 

I just can’t participate in life; I can’t study.. I CAN’T and I don’t know why and how to explain this without sounding like a lazy peace of shit. I’m tired of being paralyzed. I’m tired of being scared and paranoid. 

when do I get to live?