So with support from a few friends I went to therapy via Telehealth. I’ll keep is short. When I was a young child I was burned with an iron, cigarette,scarred, and a few years later assaulted to where I had 6 of my fingers broken at the joints. I suffered from terrible health. I was stalked and harassed. It all accumulated a few months ago where I felt I was everything that was wrong with me. I was scared of anything. If I got a spam phone call the first thought to my head was “someone is going to hurt me”. Going to the store was a challenge because I was scared someone would hurt me. I was scared to go out in public because someone may hurt me. It’s like being on edge 24/7 and even suffered vivid dreams and nightmares.

Going to therapy I learned that I have anxiety. My mind blocked most of the trauma away. It feels like it happened to someone else but when I look at my skin I see the burn scar. My therapist assured me I’m not crazy but asked me to find where that voice comes from. In the process is like my anxiety is a younger version of myself scared someone is going to hurt me. That part of me is so full of love and happy go lucky most of the time, but when I’m scared it’s like another part of me kicks in depending on the situation. In this process I found like 4 strong facets of my personality and I feel like they’re combining to make a more whole version.

I am coming here for support, but also I’m confused. I thought going to therapy would “fix” me but I feel like I’m even more confused. My therapist assured me self-talk is common and we have different personalities based on the situation, but it is all me. Has anyone else ever encountered this situation? It’s like once I was followed in a parking lot and that part of me came out ready for anything. I wasn’t scared or anxious just ready for anything.