I don't know that the title is overselling what is going on and quite frankly I've never **posted anything like this before.**

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I'm 34 and had a really good relationship that officially started just about 2 years ago.   We would meet on the weekends, go on dates, etc.   I almost immediately fell for her and told her I loved her rather quickly and asked her to be my girlfriend.   Things were going well but my anxiety and overanalyzing of things kicked in about 6 months in.   I spent so much time going to visit her family/friends, but did not seem to be interested in doing the same for me.   I quit drinking/drugging in 2017 (before she and I met) and I was upfront about that, but she drinks socially and would partake in THC, which I didn't really like, especially in front of me.   When I visited with her friends in her hometown, she would go off with them and leave me "holding the bag".  That's when the anxiety and overanalyzing came in. When she didn't do things for me, for whatever reason, I made a mental note.   It felt like I was giving so much to her and she wasn't giving back (which in retrospect was not the case).   About 8 months into the relationship, an exchange happened that involved her brother where it set me over the edge (in retrospect it wasn't a big deal) so much that I decided to break up with her.   I immediately regretted the decision and told her the next day that I made a mistake and I wanted her back. Since that point, about 8 months later, I asked her to move in with me, which she did.   I continued to calculate what she did/didn't do for me and created a huge amount of resentment that I kept inside.   So much so that I would shake just thinking about it.   I wasn't sleeping well, so I decided to start sleeping in another room.  I blamed it on her being too warm, but I really was feeling anxious around her.   I couldn't talk to her about it because she also has a high amount of anxiety and I was fearful of her going into an episode (she would breathe  heavy and cry) but it was killing me inside. Little things started to turn into big things, and she got a little annoyed with me, so i decided instead of getting angry to not talk to her.  after a week, she went to go stay with her brother and when she came back I told her why I had stopped talking to her.  Things were fine then we got into another altercation where I blew up and told her what I had been holding back.   I felt she didn't love/appreciate me the same way I did her and asked what she had to say.  She said nothing, so i said you can talk to me when you figure it out.  She left again and stayed with her parents.  After 2 weeks, when she finally did speak with me, she came back to our place and broke up with me.    she FINALLY told me what was holding her back and she said that our arguments were causing issues with her at work.   That she didn't like what I feel are relatively simple things that I know we could/can work out and I shared that with her.   I don't want her to leave and I don't want to break up.  I want her back so bad.   She left saying that she loved me, but when I reached out she said that it wasn't a good idea to talk right now.   

I cannot stop thinking about her, what I've done to her emotionally, and what life is going to be like without her.  I keep flipping from anger to overwhelming sadness.   I don't normally cry, but I have cried a lot over the course of the past week.   I don't usually talk about this kind of thing and told my Mom today over the phone and broke down crying.   

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I don't know what to do to keep my sanity and not be overwhelmed with the shakes, the crying, and the anxiety this is causing.   Any advice would be appreciated.