Been unemployed for a few years and been staying with family for the past few months. 

The energy it takes just to look at jobs, applying and going through interview processes just to be rejected is so draining.

The in between of waiting for a job feels joyless and filled with distractions of life.

Even when I get a job I will just be filling life with consumerism and distractions until I’m old. 

I have dreams I want from life but right now it feels so endless and pointless to try.

I have interests and hobbies but it all seems to revolve around needing money and then having a job means I have no time and energy for those interests. 

Daily I ask myself if this is all worth it and that suicide would be more freeing.