ive been with my boyfriend for two years but we broke up recently since it's long distance and we fight a lot when we see each other in person. we broke up over text but we were trying to do it in person too. i'm pretty sure he has bpd too which is why our relationship lasted so long despite us being so different (he has completely different political ideologies) so finally we broke up or agreed to a break and i blocked him but today i unblocked him because i felt like i have so much suppressed anger and honestly he's an emotional abuser and i feel like it was necessary for him to know that. ive been texting him basically all day about how fucked up he is and that i hope he goes to therapy to fix himself. and all he says is why are you lashing out at me? and then i called him a racist and was gonna leave it at that but i feel so sad being alone. he's been my whole life for two years it feels so weird being alone. i have like 2 friends. they're not answering right now. at least he was there for me always even if he was abusive. can we be friends? im not sure. i can't deal with the loneliness right now. feeling suicidal. i didn't know break ups were so hard! i feel insane because i like hate him and think he's evil yet i like need him? he's like my self harm. i really miss him.