This is my story and what I’m currently going through. I’m so sorry if this is too long, I just needed to vent. I feel so bad for dumping all of my ‘problems’ on my close friends so I’m just gonna dump them here instead. I’m currently in my first year of university and things are not going great for me. Even before uni, I always had low moods and I always felt worthless but now it’s just getting worse. I’ve tried killing myself two times since I’ve been here and thought about suicide weekly if not on the daily. I struggle to make friends and that is probably one of the things that bother me the most. My house mages have already made friends and I feel like I’m just left behind and that I’ll never make friends because I’m extremely unlikeable. People always seem to leave me out and it just makes me think that i’m just invisible. Someone who is clearly worthless and definitely not worth even looking at. On top of that, I liked someone. I confessed my feelings and I got rejected which is fine. It hurt a lot but it’s fine. But this person, after all of this, sexually assaulted me while drunk. I felt so used. I felt like I’m not good enough to be loved, only to be abused and then to be thrown away. And after they did this, they ignored me. I barely got an in person apology which I had to pull out of them. And there’s more. I’m pretty sure this person also likes someone very close to me and they do not try to hide it, not even when I’m with them. It just makes me question myself. Why wasn’t I good enough? What did I ever do wrong to deserve this kind of treatment? I know this all seems very childish but I feel like I have nothing to live for. I feel like I’ll never find someone who’ll love me. Even my mom said that no one will ever love me. I can barely drag myself out of bed. Everything gets worse at night as well. I’ll just cry for hours on top of hours. I’m ugly and worthless compared with other people. I wish I was never born. I’ve waited for things to get better but they never do. My problems seem so childish as well. Like they are not important enough. I feel like I’m only doing this for attention. I just wish I had a better life. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. I’m sorry if this was too long.