For the last few weeks i've just felt so horrible about myself and everything. I've just lost most if not all confidence I have in my own abilities recently. I have developed this hatred for myself that's just been keeping my up for hours every night. I don't feel like myself at all, I just feel so fragmented at a person, and like i'm just falling apart. 

I don't think i'd really hurt myself bad or kill myself. But I really think about it, especially when i'm lying awake in bed. I wanted to buy peroxide and bandages today just in case I really hurt myself. I got to the drug store during a 30 minute window where they were closed, I guess they were on break or something. In that time I realized it was really dumb to do that, and i'd just be enabling myself. I left and got some lunch. I don't know why I have a desire to cut or hurt myself, maybe I just like the idea of me in pain. I'm not really sure. I feel awful though, this is mostly what I think about. I feel so shaky all the time, and I feel like i'm constantly on the verge of tears or breaking down. 

I just needed to write this all down, in a way someone else could see. I'm currently seeing a counselor at my school, but I haven't been diagnosed with anything other than anxiety in my life. My girlfriend says she thinks I have depression, she's probably right but idk. I thought i'd post here anyway though. 

End of rant