So for context, my best friend messages me last night how him and his date are looking at old photos and going on about him and someone else from his childhood should have been best pals and it's a loss they are not. Now I have kept this guy afloat for the month so he could stay in his own house than move to a relative because he ran out of money. And I am now feeling raging like "well phone her and ask for money for food then".

I haven't said that to his face (yet?) because I am now asking myself "is it me or the BPD", more accurately "am I being messed about here or is the BPD just telling me to fight". I am triggered, like I am thinking "I'm literally keeping you afloat, what else can I do to stop you wondering what could have been" and then come the thought of "see, even helping someone so much doesn't make them care for you" and them come the abandonment thoughts, and you can see where the spiral is going.

So any advice for the situation at hand would be helpful, but also how do you see through the spiral? How do you make out the situation accurately depsite the spiral fog? This won't be the only time I get caught in my feelings like this and I need a little advice. And also how to keep your composure during a potentially harsh discussion because I feel I will need that.

Thanks for reading and apologies if this seems petty. I am just struggling a little.