I recently realised that over the last few weeks, probably even *months*, I've been wallowing in all the things I feel sorry about for myself. How unfair it is to have bipolar disorder, how hard it is to manage medication, interacting with people who don't understand mental illnesses, and so on and so on.

It ended up with me stuck in a cycle of misery that would only go deeper until it crushed me. It was a hard few days digesting it. I mean, it *is* unfair to be bipolar, and it *is* hard when you're forced to deal with people who don't understand what that means. But at what point is it good for me to dwell on it. Taking a fistful of pills everyday, each with their own fun side effects, sucks, but what is the alternative? Not taking the medication quite literally keeping me alive?

This is obviously what cognitive behavioural therapy is all about, and like too many of us I can barely afford my meds, let alone therapy, but it felt like a break through. Kind of like that feeling where your ears pop and suddenly you can hear everything better, I'm able to concentrate on the *good stuff*. 

Balancing it is tricky, and going in the completely opposite direction would be just as harmful, if not more. But I think it's been important for me to learn. I'd really love to hear anyone's advice on this if they have any!