I’m really struggling here. I’ve had issues with anxiety and depression for a few years now, they really manifested in college - I skipped all my classes, wouldn’t eat, refused to leave my dorm, all the usual stuff. I managed to pull my shit together and graduated in 2020, then got a pretty good job.

Unfortunately, that job was a temporary one, and I knew it when I got into it. (I can’t really say more since I don’t want to give away my job field) I was forced to intern for almost all of last year, scraping by with no money, until I finally got a job late last year.

I thought it would be great - it was the same position and a similar office as my last job! I even liked my boss and coworkers better. I still do. But I’m getting paid like shit and working extremely long hours - typically 9-6:30, often later (last night, for instance, I got home at 11).

This job is killing my passion for life and I’ve started going down a dark path again. Suffering from anhedonia currently, so basically all I look forward to is sleeping. I eat like shit and have lost weight. I literally almost never see the few friends I have. I can’t afford to go on trips. I just don’t know what to do.

I cannot quit my job right now, for financial and career reasons. I would literally be homeless within a couple months if I quit without something else lined up, and unfortunately I don’t have enough experience yet to get a better job at this or another office. I don’t even know if there’s any advice you guys have - I just wanted to get this off my chest. I fucking hate working this menial ass job, doing almost nothing I’m interested in while I have to stay late to do all the grunt work. This was my dream career too.

I’m also frustrated because I want to do stuff with friends sometimes but I’m always too scared or anxious to do it. I’d rather sit at home 100 times out of 100. The last time I went to a party was about 2 months ago, and I left within 20 minutes because I couldn’t take the crowd and noise. I haven’t fucking spoken to a woman outside of work or family in like 3 or 4 months.

Any help or thoughts would be appreciated. I don’t know if my post is even coherent haha I’m just ranting.