For context, I have struggled with a few different forms of anxiety my entire life. Health anxiety being the most disruptive, followed by generalized anxiety and social anxiety. Just, all around disasterous. 

I have a few autoimmune conditions that only add to my exhaustion. I struggle to get through the day and have chronic fatigue from anxiety and being a diabetic.  Other than that, I've never been seriously ill and have been able to power through almost any illness I've had (Covid, mono, etc). 

I'm what you'd consider young (21), but I feel like a lot of my panic is getting disruptive. (For more context) I dated someone last year who put a lot of pressure on me to have kids young (he was really religious). Now, I don't know if I want kids at all, because get this, pregnancy is REALLY tough on the body. I'm also emetophobic and a million other things. I've always wanted to be a mom, but then it leads to another discussion. 

Most guys want kids at some point. 

Now I don't want to date 😂 I also left my religion. I feel like my life has turned upside down. I don't even know why I'm alive at this point. I don't have my religion, I don't go to college in person to meet people, I have the ability to date and make friends but I lack the desire to, and now I don't know what I want for myself. 

This isn't even a mid life crisis, it's just a crisis. 

Thanks for reading. Just needed to share this somewhere and hopefully not get judged for it.