LONG RANT AHEAD: TL;DR at the bottom.

I feel like a horrible person. my boyfriend is my FP and he's the greatest human alive. I absolutely out of 8 billion people couldn't find somebody better or more right for me. but I'm first to admitting I'm kind of controlling and possessive by nature. I'm NOT proud of it and I'm committed to working through this negative trait I struggle with. 

my main example here is that my boyfriend wanting to spend any time away from me with anybody else, when he has the opportunity to spend time with me, feels like abandonment and rejection. he told me he wants to see his dad for like an hour once a month and I threw a tantrum, which again I'm NOT proud of and I feel like the worst person alive for it. but to be fair I wasn't listening well and misunderstood some of that, I thought he meant every single week. he makes an effort to spend every waking moment with me and I even get jealous of his therapist because thats time I could be having with him but I can't (also I want to add that I'm GLAD he's in therapy and 110% support him with receiving the pro help he needs and deserves). I want to tell him that I support him seeing his dad now and then, and apologize but I'm afraid to bring it up again, mostly because shame and afraid of causing bad feelings.

my other thing I struggle with being controlling and possessive with is him vaping. I think to myself, "if I was enough for him, why does he need to do this?" and I feel like I failed. whats even bigger than that is the fact its dangerous and I want to be with this man for the rest of my life. I'm so pissed off about this vaping thing and he knows it and I don't want to bring it up again with him but I have no idea how to put on a happy face. whenever something is wrong, which is like multiple times a day (about a lot of different things), it shows and he becomes concerned and asks me to tell him whats wrong. I'm trying to tell myself that him vaping more is due to this terribly stressful agonizing situation he got himself into in his personal life and normally he'd resort to drinking (he's a recovering alcoholic) but the combination of my support and his love for me and vaping helps keep him from doing something much worse, like drinking. but when I don't have control in a situation, I don't know how to handle it. and I feel hate myself for that.

TL;DR I struggle with my boyfriend/FP wanting to spend any time with anybody but me because it feels like rejection and abandonment and I feel a need to control him, like when it comes to his nicotine addiction etc. and not having control is hard for me. I feel like an awful person.

if you can, please be kind. I understand this is easy to criticize me for, but I'm admitting to my problem and not making excuses for it and expressing the guilt I feel. I go to therapy like 4x a week and this is something I'm working on because its not fair to myself or to my boyfriend. I just wanted to know if anybody else could relate and maybe not make me feel so alone in this. thank you.