I've been with my partner for close to 12 years. Married almost 4. 

Is your partner your FP? Or is it someone else? I've been trying to let go of my FP since they are not my partner and while I am not speaking to them, all of the feelings are still there. I catch myself wanting to see them, speak to them, etc but I swore them off so that I can be a good wife and live by my values. 

I'm struggling though. When my partner is excited and sharing something with me, I almost feel as if I'm not really there or paying attention. I know that it's important to him and I know the right thing to do would be to listen and give positive feedback. But the voice in my head sometimes is screaming "shut up already" and I hate that. I don't want to be that nasty negative person but you can SEE it on my face! 

Can anyone relate to this? I've been trying to fill my spare time with texting friends or my partner but it just is not the same! This emptiness and longing for FP makes me feel even crazier and less in control. It's exhausting. 

It has been 3 months since I've seen FP. Our last communication was through email where we basically were getting the rest of our feelings and last words out. We were both broken but knew we had to move on...