This summer I had a really intense manic episode caused by a mix of genetics, home stressors and a bad reaction to stimulant medication for my ADHD. 

I ended up in the psych ward for a couple of weeks, where I was given olanzapine and valproic acid. While it worked well for the first couple of weeks while I was still manic/hypomanic, once I got to my baseline (which has always been moderately depressed), my life took a turn for the worse. 

My brain feels like it’s filled with sand. I can’t remember conversations I had 5 minutes ago. I wake up everyday feeling like I was hit by a truck, and I have no motivation to do anything. Most days end up being spent in bed trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong. 

I told my psychiatrist about my adverse reaction to my medications, and he’s agreed to get me off of these and try some new ones, but it looks like that will end up taking months to lower everything so I’m completely off of it. 

I feel like I’ve been put in an impossible situation. I can’t live like this anymore, and I don’t know how to cope. I just want to get back to my regular life. 

Anyways, if you’ve read this far, I apologize for the rant this turned into, but thanks for reading. I’m glad I’ve at least found a corner of the internet that I can relate with others. If anyone has any advice, I’d really appreciate it.