So I left my ex husband 2 years ago, we are legally separated. No kids. 
He got into a relationship not even a month after I left our marriage. Didn’t last and he is single. He made strides in improving our relationship (as friends)

I felt comfortable to tell him how bad my BPD was in our marriage. It was unmanaged, undiagnosed. Ive been in therapy for 3 years and counting with medication. When we were together he would be angry I couldn’t heal fast enough like on TV. 

I left and choose my mental health, we talked about how I actually felt. Under the masking and mirroring. (I’m not doing well but I’m trying) 

He pretty much said I have to be better and employed (so we can talk about getting back together)

I’m thinking bitch, you broke me while we were together. I exhausted myself and you don’t see that? And you think after I’ve glued myself even more I’ll choose you? No. I’ve never been anyone’s first choice. 

I wish wasn’t always compared to when I was struggling because everyone sees it as my best. I’ve never been here and she doesn’t exist. I wish people realized how’s holding onto a string. 

(My own family disowned me, I’m very alone, if I didn’t have my psychologist I would have zero support)