 I'm forced to go to school and torture myself studying shit that I don't even like, forced to give myself anxiety every single day by being enrolled in classes that expect me to study like a dog day and night to ace the exams. I'm forced to try by getting internships and applying to jobs but I'm so tired I just want to live my life without all of these burdens and responsibilities. I've hated school since I was in kindergarten and I've hated the concept of work for as long as I can remember. High school me was depressed af knowing everyone around me had these big aspirations of becoming a doctor or lawyer or engineer or whatever it was.

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My parents expect me to study hard and become successful, which is sweet, but I don't know how long I can do this for. I tell them how stupid I am and how much harder I have to study for everything compared to my peers but they write it off as "but you have straight A's!". No, I'm the dumbest person I know. They don't understand that I am sacrificing my mental health semester by semester to get those grades. AND FOR WHAT? I'm a biology major because I thought I wanted to study medicine, but then I realized I have no fucking passion for it and that it would be too big of a commitment, plus the competitive academic environment makes me anxious and exhausted. 

The thought of waking up at 8 am every Monday through Friday and leaving my house for 8+ hours a day for the rest of my life with just 2 weeks of vacation a year makes me want to simply end it. All that work for a salary that isn't even sufficient enough in this economy.  

I decided to study code so I can at least work from home and get an adequate salary,,, but I don't think I like coding. It just frustrates me because I'm stupid. Plus I have zero passion for it so it's hard to put in the work to excel.

Now I'm back to square one and I have to find another major to switch into. I enjoy psychology but I could never be a therapist and every other career choice in that field ends up struggling to make ends meet or struggling to find a job in the first place. Everything would be simpler if I just didn't have to exist and think about this shit.