Now I see it after I got slammed down hard. 
I thought we’d pick up where we left off. He’s in hypo himself and I could have helped and thought- wrong. He has someone and he is much better than when he needed me last year. I could see how it would work and laid it out, but he has someone else and he shut me out again. 

I was always there when he needed me. He doesn’t need me and hasn’t. And now- I have time and money and not him. No one. 

I’ll never forgive the family member that started this rift when we he and I were happy. She caused a family rift too. So I am all alone now. I hate her. 

I don’t want to be around my couple friends. I lost my significant other. I don’t want to be around my single friends. I don’t party or hook up causally. Besides with the alphabet soup of conditions I had- he was the only one I felt comfortable around. 

He is better and happier and that is good. I just wanted some good for me too and no matter what I touch- it breaks. 
I can’t have what I need- it isn’t much, but it’s everything. The manias are brief and fragile surrounded by vast doldrum depressions.