Ever since I was born I had really abusive parents, (a narcissistic dad and a mom that never controls her anger) they took care of me all the time and acted like what parents should act, they got me everything I want and needed but they would always abuse me and hit me so hard at any minor inconvenience and my mom especially would always tear my posters and break my stuff as a form of punishment . I grew up thinking that this emotional and physical abuse is normal till I started to talking to people about it. I started having suicidal thoughts ever since I was 13 but it wasn't because I wanted to die but because I wanted to punish them for what they do to me, but I always ended up forgiving and forgetting those really traumatic events and my parents always tried fixing what they did through buying me stuff. I am 19 years old now and it hasn't gotten any better, infact it has just gotten worse, the last argument was my last straw, it started due to mom's anger issues and it ended with her bruising both of my arms to the point that I couldn't sleep from the pain or wear anything but long sleeves tshirts, Dad forced us to make up but she doesn't feel bad about what she did and my older brother is on her side (as he always does), my brother is also horrible to me, he is nice and kind sometimes but would never stand up for me at all, he would even be on my moms side, he didn't care about seeing me bruised, he would get so angry sometimes for little to no reason and he also used to hit me when we were younger and my mom always favorited him for some reason (she admitted it two times infront of us). the only person who stood up for me throughout the past 4 years was my younger sister. I reached a point where I can't really take it anymore, I lost hope in future and I have no energy to fight for myself anymore, this time I don't want to die to punish them since I even doubt that they will even care, I want to die because I cant fight anymore, I can't stand what I am going through anymore, and this time I can't forget or forgive like I always do. (I live in country where its very hard to move out alone as a girl, I have to graduate college, make money and be able to support myself)