● Borderline ●

In the morning
The sky
Is so beautiful.
The wind 
Sways the trees
And urges me 
To dance.
The sun's rays 
Shine with clarity
And the birds' songs
Invite the light. 

I am at peace.

So.. I can be.

But, 

Sometimes...

Oh no.
Did you hear it?
There's a whispering. 
It's a trap.
There's no way.
There's no chance.

There it is again,
That fear.
The storm -
Here it comes.
Buckle down.
Id better hide.
Quick, try
Before it 
Sweeps me 
Up too high...

But there's 
No time.
It's here.
Strong
And loud
This time.
And not slowly, 
But 
Instantly,
It sweeps 
me 
up.

I am thrown in.
I am lost within
A black space 
With no boundary.
I've forgotten 
How 
to Function.

I scream.
I collapse.
I cry.
I destroy.
I despise
Every bit 
of myself.
And, still 
I don't know
The way out of here.

The storm -
It thrusts 
And sways.
Unsettles
And circulates.
Until it can
No longer 
Keep up
With demands.

The perpetual motion
Slows down
And the winds
Begin to calm.
But the black
Smokey fog
Doesn't leave.

The dust 
Begins to settle
On top packages
Of self doubt, 
Shame,
Guilt,
And worthlessness.

I am left
Resenting 
Only myself.
For not doing better.

And,

For being 
A burden 
of a person.

...

I am so angry
Because
The sky
Was so beautiful today
And so was I.
But I wasn't bigger
Than the storm.

Not this time.

• Mica Light •
[Oct 1 2021]


*** Based on an experience when before 9am this happened. And it's a good representation of many of my days, almost all of them lately. I always wake feeling amazing then something overloads me and I fall apart and have an episode. This poem reflects the feeling of that and of having a BPD episode in general. Hope you enjoy and get something out of it! ♡