It’s like im just waiting for something to fulfill the hole inside of me when i should be the one fulfilling it but i have no idea how. I’m so depressed. I have been for years but never really understood how bad it was, despite having to cut my hair at 15 because I hadn’t brushed it for a whole month, despite struggling to shower. 

But now i take care of myself (sort of), but i just feel so damn empty all the time. I pick new hobbies, i go out everyday, even it’s just for walking outside but then, when it hits 5pm, i get so sad…

I always want something, i’m always earning for something, either being wanting friends, partying, having a partner because i see other people having those things and being somewhat “happy” and i know it’s just the highlight of their life but I’d like to also experience those things. I hate having depression. I’d do anything to stop it