This is pretty condensed, I'd really suggest you read the slightly longer version [here](https://docs.google.com/document/d/17wI0hHx7BNmUWRRGZUmpwDrNIrO_Jf-yo6hdtRBcVTQ/edit?usp=sharing) if you want more info. **(Note: this was crossposted from** r/mentalhealth **because I haven't had much response in the past.)**

To put it short, my doctors and family have been incredibly unhelpful. They don't take me seriously and don't pay attention to me. My therapist speaks over me, and my GP ignores most of the stuff I tell him. Both are convinced my weight is causing my depression. My GP further said that I have low testosterone because of the way I look/sound/act, but this was tested and proven false--yet it remains on my medical record. **My issue is, I don't know what to do or say to them, because I don't know what's wrong with me.**

I can't get up and do things because I'm exhausted all the time. At first I thought it was burnout or stress, but it hasn't gone away as the years do. I had to cancel my college classes because I went from 7 classes with A's to to 3 classes with C's. My therapist suggested I run in place to energize myself, but when I do I just get sick and exhausted and give up after 30 seconds. Despite all this, I'm very fidgety and restless. I talk a lot, crack jokes, and form week-long fixations over things like budgeting and dice making.

It's hard to focus and learn, too. I lose interest in doing things very quickly (partially from exhaustion). My eyes feel glazed over, my head feels foggy, I'm drowsy all the time, and my memory has been degrading. I forget to take my meds, brush my teeth, sometimes eat. Chores like "Take out the trash" and "thaw dinner out" are forgotten almost instantly.

I've tried eating, hydrating, and taking vitamins. I've tried sleeping on a schedule. I've tried being physically active (it just makes me sick/exhausted). I've tried purchasing SAD bulbs and going outside more. I've tried following a work schedule. I've started thinking optimistically and tried meditating. But none of it has helped me at all.

I avoid most of my work, whether that be learning to drive, fulfilling my hobbies, etc, because it's mentally and physically taxing. It's painful, difficult, slow, dissatisfying, and doesn't help me improve much at all. Nowadays, anxiety makes me too afraid to even start, since I know that it'll end the same way it always does.

I feel dead and unfulfilled, and feel like I don't know how to live or take care of myself anymore. Even if I moved out, I'd still be doing the same things I'm doing now, feeling the same way I do now. It's hard to get out of bed these days because there's nothing to look forward to--I just sit here until 5 AM rolls around and I'm vaguely tired enough to get in bed and toss around for the next two hours until I fall asleep.

I'm worried that this is my fault, like I'm not trying hard enough. Though at the same time, I know I'm trying as hard as I can because my life depends on it.

&amp;#x200B;

**I know I have depression and anxiety, but do you think there's anything else at play? My life is out of my control, because I don't know what's wrong with me nor what to do about it. Should I just hold out for the right medication, or is this my fault somehow? What should I tell my doctors?**