I struggle asking for help. I have to assume that you probably do too!

OK, so there are three people in my life. I don't have no one. I have three people.

1 x mom
1 x sibling
1 x friend

"We're here any time."

And I know people have things going on. I've gotten really good at knowing that and reminding myself, in fact. Some days I'm practically zen. I don't have any group chats and its so rare that I message or call.

But I'm crying in the toilets on the night shift at work. And I feel I'm reaching the end of my tether.

What's one text? I never ask for help.

You guessed it. Not one reply.

I am so exhausted. I have made peace with so many things. 

Is it worth it, to tolerate my way through life?
To wake up every day with a long term health condition, with a plethora of mental health diagnoses, with a chronic pain condition and in a body that I don't recognise as my own?

This isn't living, it is existing.

Believe me when I say I'm trying. I have a job interview tomorrow morning.

I harbour too much guilt to end it.

But is it worth not making people sad? They have no idea what this body fucking feels like.

God, I'm so tired