I'm just tired and I want to rest already. I want to not feel anything anymore. My mother would always tell me to be strong because living is full of hardships and suffering, but I don't know if I can still endure a lot more. I want to change a lot of things, but it is out of what I could control. I want to come into terms that maybe my life is just bleak, that it won't change anymore and I'm just repeating a cycle of hurt and pain. Other times, I would hurt myself hoping that I would numb myself from all the pain and sadness. 

Sometimes, I imagine someone would love and hold me. But in the end, longing for that kind of feeling doesn't help anymore. I would just get hurt by the fact that it won't happen. And if does happen, I don't know if I could let someone in anymore. I feel like I'm too broken already, I don't know if I would just end up hurting someone else. I wish I would stop longing for that kind of feeling anymore and just accept the fact that maybe I'm just better off alone. I stop sharing what I'm feeling to my friends because I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to always be the bearer of sadness or loneliness. The last thing I want is for me to hurt someone else by my own depression. 

I imagine myself disappearing from this world, and I find peace in that thought. When I look at old people, I think to myself that I won't last that long anymore. I wish I could give my life to someone whose life is so much more worthy.