I'm just aware that I've been really toxic lately, and I want to do something to fix it. I lost my fp and two other friends recently because I had a bad episode and took it out on my fp (I really don't blame her for leaving, but I haven't been able to let it go). Right now, I'm in a "moment of clarity" and I don't want to subject others to my behavior. I'm afraid since I've lost all my friends (minus one, but I'm afraid to talk to her because I split easily and she's very sensitive). It's probably dramatic of me to assume I'm going to be absolutely friendless, but I have no means to meet anyone (y'know, covid and all). I hope that school will be an adequate distraction, but I know it won't be good enough.

Something that might be important to note is that I do not go to therapy anymore. I stopped a session after I got my diagnosis because I wasn't a fan of my therapist and couldn't switch people. If this isn't important, well, uh, enjoy the fun fact about me.

I don't know what sort of advice I want or expect, but I just want to throw this out there. I'm sure at least one person who reads this has an idea of what could help.