 ...realizing it's been nearly a month or so since...what I thought was a close "friend" stopped speaking to me.

I'm at the point in my paranoia where I want to remove her from every bit of social media and just move on; but my wife is telling me to "set the friendship on the shelf" and return to it when I'm mentally well. 

But I really am sick of always being the one to reach out.

We've been friends since I was 16 and it's gotten to the point where there is now a rift - or so it feels that way to me. She didn't reach out after I was married and now it's just pointless to even bother trying when I can see her posting. 

I've sent messages and got no reply.

I'm tired of opening myself up and being abandoned by people I thought I could trust. It's exhausting, and I know I shouldn't shut myself away. But it's happened far too many times.. I just want to be happy and trust people. 

I really just need to figure things out.