For context I’m F19 and I’ve had terrible anxiety my whole life and developed bad depression about 5-6 years ago. 
And I’m sorry if this seems jumbled and rushed, my head isn’t in a good place right now. 

But I’m just so hopeless and lost. I fucked up in high school and messed everything up because I was super anxious and depressed and had no motivation to do anything so now I have no where I can go in my life. And even if I had succeeded in school I still don’t know what I’d want to do with my life anyways. 

I’m broke and so desperate/need money and I can’t get a job. I’ve already been to a few jobs and quit after a month or so (my longest 5 months) because I can’t take it. I get so anxious I can’t even do my job right so I have to quit because the anxiety gets too out of control. 

I practiced with my therapist today on talking like I was in retail and I get too quiet and awkward laugh after every sentence and that’s to someone I’m familiar with. I get too anxious around new things so I mess up even the simplest of things and people think I’m dumb because of it. 

I’m so useless and helpless idk if I’m ever going to be able to do anything alone in my life. I’ve pushed myself out of my comfort zone so many times and everytime I’ve failed at what I was trying to do. I’ve tried so hard to be optimistic, but I’ve just fallen down again. I feel like I’m gonna be helpless for the rest of my life and I have no purpose if I can’t even get a stupid little retail job. 

My dad just had a stroke last year too and he went from balling in money to absolutely broke we can’t even afford rent anymore and I can’t even help him because I’m too much of a pussy to work. I’m living here rent free and I feel like such a scum because of it. I want to help him so bad and there’s nothing I can do right now