I feel like such a bum. I’m 19F, I don’t even have my license. I have my permit. But I’m scared of driving. Scared of going that extra step.

I don’t have a job. The thought of getting a job makes me freeze up, panic. Want to throw up. I feel as though I’m lost. Unprepared for the realities of adulthood. I want to curl up and cry. And sleep.

I live at home as a “full-time student,” and I can’t pursue my doctorate because we’re poor, and there are little to no scholarships for doctorates.

I just feel so lost. One of my best friends moved across the country to California, and she’s forgetting me. She asks that we play games less and less. My other close friend is both a college student and works. I feel so useless and lazy in comparison.

My boyfriend tells me I’m pretty, but I feel like I’m not. 

I nap. A lot. Sometimes just existing is tiring. I feel myself getting bad, mentally. The pandemic has made it so much easier to isolate myself. I’m in counseling, but I feel guilty for that, because my mother wanted me to go to this one specific counselor, and so she pays $100 every session. I’m medicated. Have been since grade school.