I swear to God. Anytime somebody shows interest in me it's over. I know that's fucked up. I just literally cannot help it. These people with have significant others and they'll bitch about them while there's some lighthearted flirting between us and all i want is to just say "look dude if your boyfriend is trying to fight people every time he drinks and you talk about how scared you are when he drinks why are you with him like what the fuck" but i don't say that. It's not my place, and i can recognize my unhealthy pedestal-promoting behavior when it comes to people now. But holy shit. I know i'm not a catch, my bpd and exes have told me that a million times. But i know these people i vibe with deserve better. The stupid thing is, what keeps me in check is drakes fucking Marvin's Song. Every time i hear it, or Everytime i think fuck that ***** you could so better, i sit there and i go "wow, that's so fucking dumb and cringey and corny". But my issue is that i -know- (reddit might x it out but I mean the -'s as emphasis) they could. And idk if it's me! I hate myself, how could anyone choose me over anybody, yadda yadda you know the drill. But that thought forces itself in my head and my gut reaction is to say foh. I just can't help but immediately want anybody who seems to care about me and/or like my company. Emphasis on the "or". Fuck. I wish i wasn't like this. I can't wait to see my therapist again, it's been months because I've been to poor but next week I pray she helps me figure it out.