And I’m completely aware of how looney I’m acting, but obviously can’t stop the feelings from happening.  
I went into a deep depression all day today solely because my fp didn’t text me. He always texts first, usually daily, and if I ever do, I feel like I’m being clingy and annoying.  
So he didn’t text today, and I felt like I was going to off myself. Like, my whole mood is dependent on a text message. It’s embarrassing. If he doesn’t reach out, I begin to switch on him. And I wonder who else he’s talking to, and if he’s started distancing himself from me. The fear of abandonment is so god damn real to the point that I want to sever the relationship and just be done with it. I’ve done it before.  
I try to soothe myself with “he’s probably busy”, and “what are the facts? He isn’t going to leave you” or “if he leaves, let him”. But I can’t. Stop. The miserable feelings. I start to wonder how I can “get” him to text me, or not leave me. I hate this. It’s a miserable way to live.  
After a day long mental battle, I text him. We go back and forth for a bit until he stops responding. I feel like an idiot.  
I want to live for myself. I want to fill my own void with self love. But I just... cling to people. They’re like my oxygen. I’m quiet about it. If they knew I was this way, they’d surely bounce.  
Fuck this.