Every symptom of BPD is intense and drastic and frankly difficult to deal with. At least for me. Out of all of them though, I find myself having the most trouble with the issue of splitting. The dilemma of idealization and devaluation. 

I'm going to try and keep this short. I also may just need to rant. I have had the same best friend for 6 years. He is somewhere in between a best friend and a parter, -  I would say we are still trying to navigate those feelings. He is the absolute light of my life. He has never in all those years hurt me or lied to me or kept things from me. So fast forward to right now, present time, and he has been texting another girl. It only takes a week of them talking for him to start lying to me, deleting things so I can't see them, hiding things from me, lying about the context of their conversations, things of that nature. Part of me (the rational part) KNOWS that I really don't have any right to be upset with him exploring things with another girl, as he isn't technically my boyfriend. I just feel so enraged and disrespected and tossed away by his unnecessary lying and sneaking around. I see him as a completely different person, someone slimy and appalling and untrustworthy and deceitful. I feel like he did all of this to hurt me intentionally when he has said several times he was being discrete about them talking to avoid hurting me.

I guess my point of writing this is just that I am really, really worried that I may never flip that light switch on how I feel about him again. Im worried that I will constantly be in that "devaluing" stage, that he will always just be a terrible terrible person in my eyes and that I will never be able to not feel this way. That is truly scary.

If anyone has any advice or suggestions on how I could maybe get out of my own head and stop feeling this way I would genuinely appreciate it so much. All I want is to feel the same way about him as I did before this.