I posted this on r/mentalhealth but have no idea how to link. I just need some support and advice.

&amp;#x200B;

 

S\*lf h\*rm + su\*c\*de warning

I've always had low self-esteem and low confidence. I can't order things or bring stuff to the cashier without feeling like everyone is judging me. I've always been this way and it's always bugged me a lot. Even with my friends, I feel lonely and left out because everyone else seems more outgoing than I am. I've always been awkward, even around my family members. When I was 10-11, I cried a lot and wanted to jump off my school's roof or my apartment block. Now, I'm 12-15 and just feeling worse. I'm starting to play violin and I always feel like I'll mess up, and I do. I can't play without shaky bow (shaky bow happens when you get really nervous) so my notes sound weird. It started a week ago and now I wonder how painful cuts feel. I haven't self-harmed yet, but if I do, I'll probably use a pair of scissors and cut my shoulder or thigh because no one will see it. I feel like I won't do well in my schoolwork because I always get distracted or forget the stuff easily. I write as well, and I always feel like I won't do well or I won't go anywhere with it, and it makes me disappointed in myself and frustrated, because my parents have poured a good amount of money to help me. I feel like I have all the things I want in the world and I'm ungrateful. In the fifth and ninth floor of my apartment block there's a space where the ledge isn't blocked and I wonder how it feels to jump down. I wish life had a restart button where I can just choose the right choices and just be happy and confident. Thanks for listening to my vent.