so i overdosed on my antidepressants to hurt myself (i was fully aware that it wouldn’t be enough to end my life) and landed myself in the hospital as a result. this was like 3 weeks ago. when it was all happening i was in emotional turmoil and experienced some intense guilt and shame for what i did. after being discharged i thought i felt okay but sometimes i still think back to that night, and i would really rather not. the hospital experience itself was fine but it was literal hell on earth emotionally. 

i’ve been trying to write it all down just to get everything out of my head and into actual words but a part of me just doesn’t want to mentally revisit it at all. i kinda just want to forget that it ever happened.

if i could go back in time, i’m not sure if i’d rather stop myself from doing that entirely or instead take enough to actually kill myself.