Okay so, a little background- this has been going on for as long as I can remember. I am 22, F. It typically occurs when I am alone but has happened when I’m around other people just not as often. It doesn’t happen on a day to day basis, I’d say maybe once a week but frequency has certainly increased! I don’t remember it being often as a kid and in recent years, it would happen maybe once every few months or just out of the blue a few times a year. Recently it’s been more often. 

I “hear” very fast, rapid voices in my head. Maybe for a duration of anywhere from 5-30mins then it calms down. I feel as if in the moment I’m fighting with myself to get it to stop and will even verbalize aloud things such as “just shut it off!” “Just stop thinking it. You’re fine!”, to try to calm myself down. I can’t ever remember exactly what it/me (?) was saying in the moment after it’s over. It doesn’t really make sense, I know. It’s just very rapid, repetitive sounds of a voice, I believe to be mine. It’s almost like I black out except I am consciously aware it’s happening only afterward I couldn’t tell you what or if the voices were saying anything in particular. I do, however, know that it feels like it’s screaming each time it happens. It’s as if it’s attempting to overpower myself telling it to stop and the way I visualize it happening in my moment is as if the voices are attempting to “come at me”. I sound like a crazy person. 

I have mentioned this to my PCP on a few occasions in the past and have been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder and Panic Attacks although I have voiced to my PCP I think it’s more than that. I don’t take any prescription medication to contribute to these episodes. I have been prescribed anxiety medication although I don’t take it regularly only as needed as it makes me drowsy. 

I had a “severe” (worse than other experiences) experience in 2018 where I awoke out of a dead sleep, ran to the bathroom experiencing this, apparently called my mom and brother and had a 10 min conversation with them as they talked me down. I only remembered coming to vomiting over the toilet with tears rolling down my face and vaguely remember the phone call with my family. 

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Do you think it’s only anxiety/panic? It happens when I’m just chilling at home. I’ve noticed a lot of the time it happens when I’m hyper-focused on something and alone, like doing the dishes. Sounds strange, but lately that’s when it’s been happening a lot. Lots of info, someone just tell me if I’m crazy or not. 😅