Hello guys. I just realized I spent 2 years in an emotionally abusive situationship/FWB with a guy that treated me coldly as hell (sometimes very mean) and never gave me the commitment I wanted. I was very abusive too (insulting, emotional blackmail, etc thanks BPD) because of his cold behavior (not trying to excuse it). All this because of ONE tiny little thing that happened 2 months after we started seeing each other. 

He told me "JOKINGLY" that I'm not his ideal type, I'm not 175cm, I don't have blue eyes, etc, and that he doesn't date girls that have the same culture as him because he wants to date people that can show him another culture. Thus I have nothing to offer him and I am like any other girl. 

ANYONE would have slapped his face and never talk to him again. Not me, no. He already was my FP at this stage and I was SO angry and SO hurt I just spent 2 years trying to prove him wrong. Yes. Trying to prove to him I don't need to be all this to be worth it. Even after the "breakup" and a bit of no contact  I still wanted to be friends with him to prove him wrong. I lost 2 years of my life trying to prove myself to a guy that told me right away that he will never commit to me because I don't meet his checklist. 

After finally coming to my senses (thanks to no contact) and especially when he stopped being my FP it just hit me. I feel like I spent 2 years on a vendetta because I was hurt and angry. It happened two years ago and now that he is not my FP I can finally feel the anger and hurt I was supposed to feel 2 years ago. The worse part is I'm still so angry that even if I don't care anymore to show him he's wrong because I don't want him in my life anymore I still want to prove him wrong and move out to another country to learn another culture. Or to prove myself wrong because I felt like I wasn't worth it because of that. 

My god people talk about pwBPD being mean all the time but they have no idea how hurtful they can be to someone sensitive.