So my boyfriend (27M) and I (29F) have been together for the past couple months. I thought he was pretty supportive of my mental health. Well I guess only to the parts that aren’t too much. 

Now I know some of you won’t agree but I personally don’t believe in men looking at other naked women (not porn, porns fine) like I mean following naked accounts. I let him know how I felt about it and he just thinks I don’t trust him and that’s it’s so dumb and dramatic but he unfollowed them anyway. 

Today we said said two words two each other and he says I’m toking right now before I go get my shit done and then I don’t hear from him for an hour. He always is on his phone when he’s with me but apparently now at home as he flipped on me saying I’m making him feel claustrophobic when I was so nice about it just asking him what happened and then let him know it’s a trigger and makes me feel unimportant etc and he just turned and flipped and was being mean to me :( 

If was him and I was toking just before going to get up and do laundry and chores and know I’m not going to touch my phone for a while and the fact that I said two words to gf all morning I would text her back and let her know. 

He knows that being ignored is is a HUGE trigger for me. We haven’t went into depths about BPD and he hasn’t done any research. If we don’t break up he will have to watch videos with me so he can learn and hopefully be able to avoid my triggers as much as possible. 

I’m bawling my eyes out right now trying not to cut myself. I think I’m going to go get drunk instead. 

I can’t remember most of the things he was saying because I was just so upset and I don’t want to go look because apparently he’s sent me 15 messages so far OMG. Never in my life. 

What if he’s being really mean to me and telling me I’m a horrible piece of shit and that he wasted all his time on me? I asked him why and said he’s just pushing me away. 

He has been single for 7 years because he hasn’t met anyone worthy until me. I also know this is true because we’ve been friends and have mutual friends for years. So I told him clearly he’s not ready for commitment and is acting immature which I wish I didn’t say and I told him I should be comfortable to talk to him about anything without him being so defensive and arguing with me especially when I’m being so nice about it. 

You guys know how painful it is being us. It’s not fair that the whole world doesn’t know :( it fucking sucks and I just want to be normal. Just feels like I’m about to explode and my anxiety has been so fucking horrible 😭