I feel like one day I’m going to be so stressed from work and life that I’ll be frozen and won’t be able to move. That’s how I felt when I woke up at 2:30 AM this morning(to clean a large wet dog diarrhea out of the carpet because my dog is sick) when I had to be at work at 5.
After I cleaned the shit up I layed back down in bed and felt paralyzed by stress. I felt like I couldn’t move. And then everything started moving like the walls were breathing and the blinds looked weird in a way I can’t explain. Everything in my vision looked like I was tripping like I was high.

And I just was stuck there shifting between paralyzing stress or extreme anxiety or maybe it was a combination of both the entire time about work


I’m active duty army and being med boarded for behavioral health reasons so I can’t just quit my job and leave but I’ll probably be out in the next 6 months


Every morning driving to pt my head starts spinning and then it feels like I’m watching myself from above like right now I can feel that happening. It starts. Out with first I feel a little jittery and nervous, then I have to shit like IMMEDIATELY really bad and my whole guts just feels this DUMB of adrenaline rush thru and then the adrenaline spreads to my chest and it feels like my heart is surrounded by ice, like I’m going down the first drop on a roller coaster.
Then I can’t breathe and sometimes I start crying sometimes I can’t I’m just stuck making this sad panicked face with tears wanting to well up but they just won’t.
Then I start gagging and dry heaving. I think I’ve only actually thrown anything up less than 5 times.

The closer I get to work the worse each step gets 

I’m sitting outside the gym I have to be at for this morning right now waiting to go in and I can feel like this pressure in my head behind my eyes/forehead and everything feels like it’s spinning around me and I want to hyperventilate and cry and throw up and if I look up my legs and hands start shaking

I can’t do this I can’t
Life is not fair and sometimes it just gets worse and worse no matter how much you beg whatever higher power you might to make it stop 

I feel like a sick injured animal only put here to suffer 
This isn’t fair

I’m sorry for complaining I need to get this out and if I look up from my phone I’m gonna throw up