Criticism of any variety hurts so badly it seems intolerable. I feel like a shattered pane of glass - I just break down in tears and remove myself, to cry somewhere that people can't see me. I'm a dude, and the normal embarassment of crying in front of people is compounded by the fact that, for me personally, being seen as 'abnormal' is deeply hurtful. 

Positive affirmation/praise have a similar disproportionate effect. I feel elated, glowing, there's this great warm feeling in my chest. Emotionally, in that moment, it feels that all is right with the world. I feel happy. 

So my days follow similar patterns. Months of careful control and structured routine. I feel grey. Then, a painful comment, and a swing into low mood, then a swing into higher mood from praise. It varies, but sometimes a single day can have extreme peaks and dips, 5 or 6 of them. I feel like a ragdoll being swung about. 

Not only is my self-concept affected by external reactions to myself but also other aspects of life. I am both easily and excessively discouraged by minor failures and feel accomplished through minor achievements. My preferences seem to shift constantly depending on this feedback. 

Anybody relate, either specifically or in general? 





