TW: Mention of death 

I live in the Midwest so naturally at this time of year it’s extremely snowy and icy. A big part of my BPD is impulsivity, specifically when it comes to driving. I speed excessively everywhere I go, if I was pulled over I’d probably get it suspended for a bit haha. Tonight I was driving in the county while it was snowing and below freezing.... meaning there was a lot of ice. I was going down a hill that had a turn and I went into the ditch. I was going quite fast and was very far off the road. In those few seconds before impact most people would be scared, I wasn’t. I remember right before I went into the ditch I just hoped I would get knocked out or even die. My parents and boyfriend were very thankful that I only hit my shoulder &amp; the airbags didn’t go off. But I didn’t even care that I was okay. It’s not that I wanted to die, I just don’t care whether I die or not. Definitely going to be something I’ll be having to process.