I have a lot of trouble with this, and I’ve HAD trouble with it even as a kid. It mattered a lot to me if people viewed me as if I were in a cool montage scene in a movie. I cared a lot if boys noticed me, to the point of acting unnatural because I was too focused on it (I thought being forlorn and distant like Bella Swan would work, lol). Or, I’ll sometimes imagine what I’d look like if I were paparazzi-ed. A lot of neurotic and oddly self-absorbed shit. I was aware of it this problem back then, but didn’t know what it was, and didn’t like it. I wanna be everyone’s favorite all the time, or I feel like I’m hated/not enough. I weirded a lot of people out in school because I was desperate for them to like me because I idolized them. It’s hard not to see life through this lens. I wish I didn’t care so much.