Hi sorry if I don’t type I’m gonna cry and I’m tired of it. Basically I’m tearing myself apart right now just like any other night. I can’t stop these past two weeks with be really really negative in my head. Usually it’s more sporadic but at times it’ll become constant and it’s been constant for a fucking while now. 

All I can think about is how my boyfriend shouldn’t be with me. That I’m too ugly too fat too stupid and no where near comparable to his ex. I mean I just can’t stop. I’m insane. 
We spent three weeks together because of covid and he left today to see his family and I’m like losing my mind. I feel like I do everything wrong. I’m sorry I’m not even talking I know I’m just rambling my emotions but it’s all I have. 

I just keep getting into spirals like this. I can’t stop. I cry and cry. Even when he’s beside me. I just keep thinking he’d rather be kissing and holding and fucking someone else. And how disgusting I am.