I’ve dealt with this for probably 13 years now, that being said I’ve never seen help other than being forced to see a therapist as a teenager and learning to manipulate my way out of having to talk about myself for a year and “completing” treatment. Looking back on it I don’t know if I’ve learned to compartmentalize emotion due to family issues as a child, dealing with depression for so long just being able to suppress it at times and has always puzzled me. I make this point as depression has been something I’ve always dealt with on my own and had to learn to dig out of the hole the best I can and has at least kept me floating. This however has changed in the last year and a half as my wife attempted suicide 3 times in 4 months while in and out of an IOP for bulimia/anorexia, I had spent 2 years prior to this learning how to be a productive partner in this healing process as I didn’t understand that I had to let go and let her make her own decisions as I can’t force her to get help and can’t protect her from her own thoughts. After her final attempt, she found out in the hospital she was pregnant, and this gave her something to want to get better, as I tried to continue to be supportive while falling apart inside dealing with constantly seeing her OD’d on the floor in my head, and spent the next 7 months trying to get myself functioning as I was before that incident, things have been ok but the last three days I have noticed my tendencies coming back, and the extreme sense of dread come back, I know most people will say go see a therapist but the situation I’m in I don’t really have the option, really I guess I came here to unload this as I don’t have people I can talk to about this and want to know what those in recovery do to prevent a relapse before you lose self control.