Today i realized my insecurity is what keeps people away from me. i Had this pretty girl at my house for 10 hours who told me multiple times she love my personality, asked multiple times to have sex with me and i couldnt let go to the fact that she wasnt giving me the constant reassurance exactly as i wanted it. no matter how hard she tried to express how she wanted me i couldnt just beleive her, after 10 hours she gave up and went home. Now i feel like shit coz i know where i was wrong, i was too focused on what i wanted and didnt trusted her coz i'm incapable of trusting others, i always assume they cannot see any good in me. i just dont know what to say to her now. i feel like she thinks i'm a lost cause, and i can take it, i just wish i could improve my situation. 

She wanted to be taken with passion and forget her many issues which i listend at plenty and tried to give her advice how to improve her situation. I just couldnt force myself to take her, everytime i wanted to make a move it felt forced and she sensed it and dodged me.

The thing, my situation is not stellar but i'm comfortable. i have plenty of friends (which i worked in the last years to make them), i have regular intercourse with different women every months. I have a stress free job (which i dont love but it pays). But none of it makes me satisfied coz i dont strive to improve.

 I'm incapable of loving others.