Been in counselling for quite some time; been trying to work on my PTSD that is causing me to have a major issue with masterbation and being okay with my partner doing so. I work nights and fell asleep at like 5pm today (day off) and just woke up at 4am. I can’t sleep now cause he was up for a while and I just feel like he can’t wait for me. I even tried posting in gonewild recently (different account - not today) to try and normalize that he likes to look there. I’ve tried sending him videos/photos of myself for a year and I know he doesn’t even bother trying to use them because he doesn’t save half of the good ones. Idk what I’m really trying to do/say by posting here.  I’m just really hurting over something stupid that I should’ve gotten over by now. I’ve tried everything to get over this problem but it’s been like 6 years so I don’t see it going anywhere. I just wish I felt good enough and loveable? How do you stop caring what other people do and just feel beautiful and wanted? He does absolutely everything for me throughout the day to make me feel good but the moment I realize nothings going to go down sexually or cuddles or anything I feel like he had to have been waiting to look at other girls. Idk this is super dumb and fucked I’m sorry. I usually get hate whenever I try to post about this. Didn’t bother trying to make it make sense cause this will very likely just get deleted