I just listened to a recording of a therapy session, made about a month before i’d tried to kill myself. I’d reached to my therapist for help. I literally said those actual words. 

I’d accurately described my dysfunctions and told her categorically what i was doing that was hurting my partner and causing arguments and friction, and she enabled me. She *excused me* and blamed him. I have no doubt, hearing those things while i was in such an emotional place affected how i controlled myself and my emotions, the way i looked at what he was saying to me, and my perspective of my behaviour. I’m gutted. 

Maybe, and not to blame her entirely, maybe if i’d had a reality check, some honest feedback i might not have ended up doing what i did. Scarring mine and my partner’s lives and memories forever.

I’m going to leave this sub. I’ve appreciated the perspective, to not feel so alone sometimes. But in hindsight, i clearly relied on the reinforcement of others too much, considering what happened next. Good luck to you all, BPD is a killer, i hope you all achieve the clarity i didn’t. So much love to you all x