I got the bipolar (in my case cychlotimia with severe mixed states but yes, bipolar) diagnosis when I was 22 and  while I had problems even before that, and I am GRATEFUL i did find a combination of meds that allowed me to stop being a danger to myself, chill a bit and actually going back to college, pass exams successefully, go back to doing sport and all this stuff I'm conflicted about this diagnosis in a way I never was about previous diagnosis (bpd, avpd, GAD, social anxiety). Because with the other diagnosis there never was a ''you will probablty have to take meds for the rest of your life'' aspect. 

In fact I really, really, hope, and I do have some reasoning behind this, that it was a misdiagnosis, or there's some way to stop medications and not relapse.

I m in a love &amp;hate relationship with the meds, i love that they keep me stable, i hate the fact that I have to take them. I hate the fact that my memory got much much worse than it was and sometimes i fear that i will be completely dumb in a few years. idk. 

I'm also scared that like...the life that I always wanted (I wanted to be a mother one day)....like...that now this is gone. what the fuck will i do with all the medications if i get pregnant? cannot happen now , but what if it happen in the future? and who will want me now?  i already live in a society where mental is stigmatized as fuck, but if you say you have anxiety or that you have a personality problem caused by abuse, but you are working on it, (most people dont know the fuck is a personality disorder) most people will  maybe underestimate it, but if you say that you actually have to take medications for maybe life, because of something like bipolar, this is different, this might actually scare away a lot of people. I havent even gone back to dating after I lost my ex....my other relationships were either with drug adicts, dysfunctional people who were not in an any type of recovery eccept the last one, and fuk im afraid i will never have another good relationship with someone who is normal or someone who isnt normal but has their shit together thanks to therapy, meds, recovery. I feel like now im on better tracks to have a stable relationship and one day be a stable parent but idk fuck I'm really depressed at the idea that it just isnt gonna happen.

can you stop taking medication and not relapse?