I have a friends that whenever I recommend them shows or games, they say they don't care about it and don't like it. I have a friend that insults my music taste. Everyone always talks about elden ring and anime I've never seen and the animes or stuff I've shown them they all just forget about it.

I told my friend I wanna play tf2 with her and she tells me she doesn't want to play since they don't update it, then proceeded to almost immediately invite a different friend to play apex.

That same friend told me how much she wants me to be her roommate. How cool it would be to be roomies and have sleepovers everyday. A month later without telling me, she and her boyfriend let another friend move in. They invited me over one Sunday and they all spent the entire time discussing the plans. I ended up getting drunk and texting online friends. I wanted to go home so bad.

Whenever I'm with friends, I feel like I'm spectating. Or even like. For a lack of better words, it feels like I'm a silent game Protagonist around a bunch of interestint NPCs. (I'm not calling them NPCs and saying I'm a main character but you get me right?)

All my friends are happy. And if they're not at least they're striving, with their own jobs and own apartments and driving. I'm a failure.

It doesn't get better. It's been this way forever. I'll never get better.