My birthday is a curse

I just turned 18, had a very small birthday party since the pandemic is going on. I only had my boyfriend and my best friend, who is severely asthmatic and was just getting over a cold, come over. 

Her parents said that she shouldn’t come over to my house but I was allowed to go theirs, etc

My mother wasn’t very happy with how hypocritical they were being and told them how upset I was that she couldn’t make it. It felt like I basically guilt tripped them into having her come over, which she was then allowed to.


As silly as it sounds, I decided I wanted to have a birthday stream on twitch, which I posted on my story on Instagram 24 hours prior. 50+ people saw it, but no one joined. 

I’ve been wanting to reconnect with everyone, even if it was online. I’m finally starting to miss everyone.

No one joined the stream, but as soon as I posted that I had just turned 18, many suddenly started blowing me up with “Happy birthday!”  So I thought it’d be the same for the stream :(

Despite no one joining, my tiny group still played Jackbox Games while being socially distant and wearing masks around her as caution.

Two days later (today) her mother told mine that she is very sick now and may need to go to the ER.

I feel so disgusted in myself



Around or on my birthday every year, something happens:

2 years ago, I invited many of my friends. I’d see them post about going out with their friends all the time, but when I want to invite people over for my birthday, they suddenly had plans/were busy. I only had my boyfriend and my best friend over.

Last year, a huge fight broke out and I had to take care of others instead of celebrating.

This year, my best friend is so sick after coming over to my house (we were all in the backyard, wearing masks, etc) I’m just thinking it’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have been so upset that she couldn’t come over, I shouldn’t have told my mom that I was. 
We weren’t sick at all and did exactly what we were supposed to do; she doesn’t have Covid, her asthma is just really bad right now. 

My birthday just feels like a curse every year cause I realize that I just radiate bad luck, no one actually wants to be there for me even though I help them out through everything and now my best friend is so fucking sick

I don’t know how to feel anymore, I assured her mom that everything would be okay but now I don’t even think she’ll let her come over for a long time
I feel like I failed her family