I am an almost 38f. I have an extensive trauma history that goes well into adulthood. I was sexually abused by my father for many years and ended up in an abusive relationship as a teen. I got pregnant as a teen by this mentioned person I was in an abusive relationship with. I’ve had an eating disorder since I was 6 years old. I abused alcohol at one point to cope. I have a history of self-harm, suicidality, mood swings, abandonment, etc. 

I have been in therapy off/on since 2006. I’ve done all outpatient - individual and groups. I’ve also done all sorts of therapy - DBT, exposure, CBT, CBT-E, TF-CBT, somatic, etc. I was also in eating disorder treatment for 3 years. 

I am also successful. I had my daughter as a teen. I went to college and graduate school. I’m a mental health therapist and have my license. My daughter has had her own extensive mental health issues, but is well rounded, mature, and starting college soon! We are also close. Her father is totally out of our lives, so is my father. 

Quarantine has really fucked with me and brought up a lot of my ptsd symptoms. I also realized it’s brought up BPD stuff, too. That’s a diagnoses I have known I’ve had for so long, but wasn’t officially diagnosed. I’m a quiet BPD. I never had angry outbursts. All my reactions have been inward. When I look at criteria of quiet BPD, I’m like yep to all the questions. I have a long term primary partner (and we are in an open relationship) that is very supportive but I have been on edge, constantly, that he’s going to leave me and it’s coming from a very irrational place. I work up all this shit in my head and then tell him and he’s been like wait? What’s going on? 

Anyway, I’m glad someone said it. I feel a relief. And I’m also happy to know my symptoms have deceased with age and the word I did as a younger person has paid off. I also have valued the DBT stuff I’ve done over the years and I’m so glad it’s worked. But all this has also made me see that no wonder shit has been so difficult for me!

Thanks for listening, everyone. Solidarity!