Hello, if you want to read a vent of my feelings see below :’)

I think I have been depressed ever since I was about 12-13. It’s had its ups and downs, but I think overall I have not been happy for most of the period leading up to now (21). 

My problem is nothing specific. I have all the resources I need, I have some friends, and opportunities for study. It is just an apathy towards life as a whole. I won’t kill myself, because the last thing I care about in this world is my friends and family, and this would hurt them a lot. But if I were to die today, I would make no move to prevent it and rejoice.

The further I move into life, the worse this feeling gets. I’m 21 years of age, and have not yet discovered any reason why I want to be alive… yet many why I wouldn’t. 

Just to answer the question preemptively: I do go out, do stuff, try new things and meeting new people. It hasn’t been helpful. I am not on medication and not seeing a therapist, as it’s expensive and I don’t see the point when there is nothing wrong I just don’t like life…

Sorry for the rant, just wanted to vent my feelings somewhere.