I feel so horrible. I don't want to be conscious right now. I see no point in getting out of bed. I have lost interest in all of my hobbies and am unemployed.

I hate 2020 already. I started the year feeling excited and good about myself and hopeful. I made it through 2 weeks of graduate school, and I dissociated through an entire class and kept throwing up during another. It didn't go well. I dropped out 1 day after the dropout deadline, so now I get 0% of my tuition back. Awesome. And it made me realize that I am too dysfunctional to pursue the career I got my undergraduate degree in.

So now I feel like absolute hell. I'm basically a very mopey houseplant. I don't know how to feel...anything. I'm just empty inside.

I definitely don't feel functional enough to work considering I can barely manage basic tasks like remembering to eat food. I just hate it.

I have never felt like more of a failure in my life.