Hello, I'm currently composing this from work right now, as I am having a breakdown of sorts and needed to vent here (25 m).

These past two weeks at work have been so difficult for me, I've been going through tumultuous, almost-daily mood swings where I've been swinging from severely depressed to angry to horny or what have you. I'm a very quiet person who was maladaptively taught from an abusive father not to express emotions or else I'd get abused and I'm trying to unlearn that behavioral pattern now that I'm a 25 year old male living across the country from my abusive father but it's difficult. 

Everyone around me is able to focus on their work just fine but I can't because I'm going through so much mental turmoil and probably no one would understand if I told them what was going on. It doesn't help that I work at FedEx during the holiday season right now and as such I have to work 6 days a week for three weeks (I'm currently on week 2), constantly doing over 40 hours per week. I just feel like all my negative emotions are magnified by 1000x right now and I can't take it, it makes it so hard for me to pay attention to my work and get my job done efficiently. I feel like my bosses expect me to be some emotionless robot to get my work done and I just can't be that for them, I get so tempted to simply walk out every single day. 

I just can't take it anymore, I can't stand being here and feeling so depressed and suicidal at the same time when I'm at my lowest points. I just know I have to be here because I need the money and otherwise I'd spend all my time at home sleeping and getting high.