I wouldn’t say I’m suicidal, but sometimes I’m happy to know that it’s the best 2nd option, if I truly believe it’s time to go I won’t hesitate to do it. At this point I just feel like a failure and a nobody to everyone I’m around, my parents tell me I’m useless and basically worth nothing. They blame me for the way I’ve become. Even though most of my depression and self hatred is mainly by them. My best friend of a very long time ghosted me for weeks and didn’t even wish me a happy thanksgiving back. Another friend shouted out all his best friends and I wasn’t included. I just don’t see a point at living anymore really. My family always joke about where my “girlfriend” is because the only real “relationship” I had was online. They know I’m way to ugly and fat to ever have a girl like me. I have so much social anxiety and depression that I don’t work and I never got my license because I hate having eyes on me and judging me. I’ll never live up to anyone’s expectations, you feel like you’re heading 3 steps forward, but to everyone you fall 100 steps back. I just don’t have the motivation to search for happiness anymore. I know everyone will be fine without me. I’ve always been a ghost to people around me. If anyone reads this thank you, all I wanted was an ear. I’ll probably delete this post anyways since it’s just a rant, I just hope whoever is reading this have a great day.