My recent ex and I have needed to meet for some time to sort out and cancel our summer plans. I had already come to terms with having to back out our plans and was happy to offer it to reduce the stress it could put on us. Most of the chat went fine, was really nice to see him and catch p. But then he told me it had been hard for him to tell his dad (who I know well and would have been seeing on the trip) and he hadnt even told is mother yet, who we were supposed to spend 2 weeks with. He was telling me he didnt know what he was going to do, he couldnt spend 2 weeks with her alone and such. I ended up getting upset (although I tried not to show it). All I could think was "well it doesnt have to be this way, you know." He caught me looking a bit sad and mentioned it, I told him I was still sad, that I did miss him, and that it would be good to have a talk some time about our relationship, to reflect on it. He said not in the near future, but that it would be good and probably "the final suture on the wound", and help us move on from one another. Thats when I realised, hes really over this. 

Hes cut off all his hair and looked so fresh and calm and collected. I mean, I dont want him to be hurting, but it hurts seeing him doing so well and being over it so soon. My friend said, he had hinted his friends were already taking him out and encouraging to pick up other girls. I had held out a little hope that maybe the distance would help us, that he could reflect on the relationship and see the good times. I want to have the reflection talk cause I wanted to know where hes at and know how he feels, looking back on the relationship. But now I see, he probably felt it was toxic. From the things that he said, it sounded like this was definitely it, no way his ever going to let that happen again.  I wasnt hoping to get back together, but I was hoping that he was at least missing us and missed our good times.

I needed to know that, and I have to move on. But im devastated all over again. I was doing fine this week, I felt better, but this has just set me right back again. I miss him. I wanted to have a family with him, for the first eim ever I pictured myself with children. We have so much in common. I never met someone i felt so connected with. I want him so badly. I should take solace in the fact he says he wants to work towards being friends. But I cant. I dont know if ill ever get to that point. I miss being part of his family, with his friends, knowing what hes thinking and being there for him. Sharing our in jokes. Im heart broken again.