Im 15 and started a DBT intensive outpatient program in August not knowing what it was, but participating because i was at a very low point and didn't know what was wrong with me. During the therapy, I met a person with bpd (we'll call them D) who mentioned DBT and they were talking about skills they learned, and I started wondering about bpd because some of the traits they were talking about seemed pretty familiar. I ended up asking the therapist at one point, who said he didn't feel comfortable diagnosing me because of my age, but that the traits were clearly there and if could lead to diagnosis in the future. And since my program ended I've been spending a lot of time with people I try to meet at school, and I've fallen back into depending on people again. A very severe issue here is that 1). The people I started depending on are not in my life anymore because I fucked up horribly- and 2). I was so tired of the intensive therapy that I pretended to be stable so I could get out. So now I put myself in such a scary spot and I don't know what to do anymore. After losing that important person (D) I started losing every mutual friend he and I had. I was so scared. I cried so hard I gagged, and threw up twice in the shower. All I have now is my friend Ze, and I'm really scared of losing him because he can't handle the mess that is me. It's gotten to the point where if I go more than 2 days without being physically near him, I start panicking and my thoughts turn dark. I don't know anything anymore I just want to feel better