i feel like i'm my bf'a therapist. i love him but fuck, i'm always alone. i'm always left to deal with my problems myself. always blamed for everything i feel. i have mental breakdowns daily but i have to hide them from everyone.

i get so full of rage and jealousy that it physically hurts. and keeping it inside doesn't help. my own thoughts make me want to disappear. 

i am drowning every fucking day. and there's never anyone to help me. i always have to pull myself out of all the fucking shit and as soon as i do i get pushed back. no one ever fucking asks if i'm okay, even the people who claim they love me. fuck you liars. you see me suffering every moment of every hour of every day and you just don't give a shit.

i'm not doing shit for uni and i'm definitely failing the fucking year. my sleep schedule is fucked. all my relationships are fucked. i haven't felt happiness in such a long time. i only feel deep sadness, emptiness, rage and jealousy. and it hurts man, it hurts so much.

sometimes i really feel like saying fuck it. i haven't really done anything in my life except fucking myself over. if the whole universe thinks it's a good idea to keep making my life a living hell then i will start sabotaging myself even more, everyone seems to be enjoying it so much.

i've recently had plans. dreams. i was being somewhat optimistic. but of course, fuck me, everything is going to shit once again and i'm left here to deal with it on my own.