 

( I AM NOT LOOKING FOR YOUR SYMPATHY I NEED ADVICE )

so I am extremely insecure about everything to the point of obsession, dating someone? she is probably cheating on me, doesn't respect me etc. (probably thinks how less of a man I am )

extremely insecure about my height ( 5'11 3/4 at night and 6'0 at morning yes I measured it many times ) also about my looks generally I was extremely suicidal and thought I was very deformed and ugly (I am not, a few experiences made me think otherwise but i will always have this impostor syndrome)

I feel like everyone doesn't respect me and that people generally think of me less and make fun of me behind my back

its mostly that I am insecure about not being masculine ( not looks, talking about personality ) which is why I don't date, unlike the US or Europe where I live here people put a lot of effort on their kids to be masculine since really young age ( talking like 6 ), I wasn't confident AT ALL very nervous and shy and I couldn't really stand up for my self ( till i was 16 and i learned how to hide it )

my dad thought that telling me that ''I am not and will never be a man'' ( and including the physical abuse too ) would help, it didnt.

( AGAIN NOT LOOKING FOR SYMPATHY, I just don't know where to start to get better, i doubt that it will ever happen anyways )