I grew up in a very toxic household. And so I shut myself up in my room every chance I got. I didn’t go out to eat. Just to go to school. I was very lonely but happy to be so. I was always able to entertain myself no problem. And found pleasure in the smallest things

Now I’m out and moved far away from my old family and am living the best life I can. But every so often. I wish I could go back into isolation. And it sounds crazy. But I’m actually getting depressed by my relationships. I’m engaged to a wonderful lady. But I’m so scared that I’m giving up my entire life. I just wanna be alone. And in the dark. And I’ve even thought about suicide on this subject. I feel like I’m going crazy, I feel like I deserve to be gone for being a bad friend and fiancé and for being a major let down to all these people and my family.

I’ll probably end up deleting this later. I just wanna know is anyone else dealing with this