My goal is to lead a meaningful life in line with my values. 

I can only go so far down certain roads before I become so emotionally disregulated that I am a danger to myself and others. 

Other people may be able to go further down those roads than I can.  Good for them. They may encourage me to join them. Not good for me. 

No matter how much I want to keep walking by their side, when I see the landmarks, I have to stop. 

But here’s the thing: only I can see the landmarks.  They’re invisible to everyone else. 

So, before we get close to a landmark, I have to let people know. hey, I have some limitations that I’ll be observing to keep myself safe. 

When we’re approaching the landmark, I can point it out specifically.  ‘I can feel myself becoming disregulated. I’m going to need to [hang up/go home/take a break/come back to this conversation when I can show up in a way I can be be proud of.]

The people who are safe to be close to won’t mind at all. It’s just information to them. They may decide to stay on this side of the landmark to spend time with me, or they may decide that it’s too restrictive and they can’t work around my limitations. Whatever they decide, they will treat me with kindness, consideration, and respect.  They may not understand me, but they believe me. What they will not do is belittle me for respecting my own boundaries. 

The people who are not safe to be close to respond very differently. They will try to convince me that those landmarks aren’t really there, and that nothing bad will happen if I cross my boundaries. That I’m being dramatic. Over-reacting. Making it all about me. 

They will berate me for not walking down the road with them.  If I listen to them, and try to go past the landmarks, I will become emotionally dysregulated. At that point, I can expect to be blamed, shamed, and belittled.

They shouldn’t do any of those things. But I can’t control any of that. All I can control is what I do when I get close to a landmark.