i know i've already posted once here but i cant remember what happened the first time because i was too busy freaking the fuck out to retain anything. im gonna do my best to explain my situation in this post with vague details about what im going through right now  
(if anyone wants me to elaborate on something i'll do it in the comments because theres no way in hell im gonna get all my thoughts right the first time)

&amp;#x200B;

ok so today i made the mistake of looking at colleges for my hopefully future career and now i've been having a mental breakdown for like 6 hours. i want to go to college and start a career in animation so badly but im so scared that i'll never make it because  
\-i'm dumb as hell  
\-i have zero money to put toward college, no assistance from family whatsoever, and idfk how to get financial assistance  
\-probably can't get financial assistance anyway because idk what the qualifications are  
\-no accomplishments to speak of(unless you count surviving this long in a shithole of a family as an accomplishment because i think it is)  
\-my mental state is too fucked right now to handle anything

&amp;#x200B;

what do i do reddit? am i doomed to be a failure for the rest of my life because of this bullshit? where would i go to get financial aid to move out and attempt to put myself back together? i'm so done with this shit. i wanna go outside, socialize, do some dumb shit, maybe dye my hair a terrible color and just have fun with life but i can't do any of that when i'm stuck with family members who probably don't even like me and won't lift a finger to help me. i fucking hate being like this i wanna be like i was 7 years ago when i had no anxiety to speak of.

if this post looks like a mess im sorry i just need desperate help/guidance and idk how to get it