Last October, I my left ovary had a cyst in it that ruptured. For a couple days before it happened, I noticed a dull ache in my left ovary. The day before it happened, I had a really poor appetite. The day it happened, my appetite issue worsened and I had nausea that got progressively worse until I was throwing up several times and got very weak. I had to go to the hospital, and that's how I found out I had had a cyst that ruptured.

My doctor put me on a low dose of birth control to try to help prevent future ones in November (I couldn't tolerate the higher doses).

Since then, I've had a couple times where I thought for sure it was happening again. In December, I had 5 days of severe nausea and panic that it was happening. I never even threw up, but I could barely eat. I also had pain in my ovary! But it went away.

Anyway, yesterday and today I've had a poor appetite. Today has been worse -- I've had some pain in my right ovary, and a temp of 99.1. I've even had a bit of chills and stuff similar to last time. So I'm absolutely terrified. I got out of the house and it helped calm me down a little, but now I'm fighting off horrible fear.

I'm trying to cope somehow while I wait this out. Does anyone have any advice on how to cope when something might ACTUALLY be going wrong? I have a phobia of nausea and vomiting because of a trauma earlier in life (actually I have tons of trauma -- I also have Complex PTSD).

I don't know how to cope with this. My SO is long distance and can't even hug me. I've tried cuddling with my stuffed animals and right now I'm listening to pop music I wouldn't usually listen to to try to calm myself down.

I don't know how to cope if I start getting severe nausea.

I also have a bladder pain condition. When my cyst ruptured in October, it took 1.5 months to reach a point where I could walk normally and go back to a somewhat "normal" state of living. The pain completely debilitated me and I was stuck in bed all day for weeks. :( And I'm supposed to be moving soon and I have so much to do this month. I can't get sick, this can't happen. :'(



To make matters worse, when shit went down in October, my SO made me feel so much worse as my cyst was rupturing and I was getting sicker and sicker.  We were on the phone and I was crying and asking if he could comfort me, because he was behaving very coldly.  He said, "Stop trying to get me to comfort you" and hung up on me and wouldn't take my calls.  Meanwhile, I was having severe nausea and at maximum suffering.  So not only was I suffering horribly physically and emotionally from what was going on with my body, but I was also sent into white-hot pain from feeling so abandoned.  He's trying to be nicer this time, but I'm terrified not knowing if he will be there for me if things get worse.  He said he would, but I'm still deeply hurt from how things happened last time.  It already started to happen today -- I called him crying and he started talking to me sternly like I need to just shape up or something.  Thankfully he softened and was kind, but this is just a massively triggering situation for me.


I just need to be able to talk to him on the phone if I'm getting severely sick again and him be there for me. :'( It's too scary. I don't want to be a wimp or anything, but I'm terrified and sickness/nausea has traumatic roots for me that send me into flashbacks.



Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with severe suffering and uncertainty and the fact that all of my plans for the month might be totally ruined? =(



Edit: Forgot to say x-post r/healthanxiety.  I dunno how important that rule is but w/e.