I told my wife about suicidal thoughts. she is naturally concerned and checks in with me and I love her for it. but I feel like a fucking idiot for mentioning it.

in a drunken stupor, I told my best friend about suicidal thoughts. and now he texts me multiple times a day. and I feel like a fucking idiot for mentioning it.

like: loved ones, don't waste your time worrying about me. hoping to die is just part of me. this has been part of me for 30 years. I'm skeptical anything will change. I guess I can stick it out another 50 more.

anyone else have this feeling? thanks in advance