Hi everyone. I was diagnosed with childhood depression when I was 7. I’ve been very lucky in life, but I guess my brain just has a tendency toward negative thinking. Last year the ssri I’d been taking since I was 12 stopped working, I didn’t realize it but it completely screwed me up, because of that I was depressed for my freshman year of college but had no idea and it completely warped my thinking. I thought my friends hated me and felt completely alienated even though that wasn’t the case at all. I’m taking a break from college this year. I’ve always had a horrible memory because of my ongoing mental health issues, and when my depression came back, I convinced myself last year that the lack of memory was due to childhood neglect because my babysitter from when I was a kid, who I still keep in contact with, told me that my mom never understood me and would prioritize my younger sister over me (I’m the middle child). I talked to my mom about this yesterday and she said she always took care of me and I was not neglected as a child and that she felt really hurt that I was trying to “gaslight” her into thinking otherwise. Now she’s trying to get me some help because she told me I was scaring her. I can’t believe I told myself this for the past year and now I think the reason I don’t remember stuff is just because of ongoing mental health issues when I was younger. I love my mom and am so lucky to have her and now I’m worried I’ve irreparably hurt our relationship. She’s been really distant and I don’t know what to do. Depression brains are wild.