It’s my first time posting here…..

I’ve relapsed back into a deep depression after almost clawing all the way out… I had one hand on the lip of the well and then I slipped and I’m falling fast…..

My depression in the past was bad enough that I ….. made an attempt and I don’t want to hit that point again nor be anywhere near it…

At the moment I just have no motivation to do anything, I can’t even bring my self to do the things I once loved to do…. I’m forcing my self to read at the moment to just pass the utter boredom so that I don’t go mad, but it’s a hassle to do even that… I used to LOVE to play video games! Hell I even have a beast of a system… but I get on it and I just stare at the screen,  none of the games I have seem appealing. I’ll force my self to play a couple, I might get into one for a little bit but then I very quickly just lose all motivation to continue to play it. Even games that I’ve enjoyed for YEARS, I’ll boot up the game….. look around then turn it off.

It’s worse with work, I know I have to work, we all need to eat, but I just can’t do it…. I recently put in my two weeks at my old place because I was gonna start at a new place that was just better all around. I start the first day of training…. Then before I know it I’m back home in bed after ghosting it like a fucking idiot…. What the hell was I thinking…. Even now I know I need to work but now I just don’t even have the motivation to look for work….

My social life has taken a blow as well, I have no motivation to go out, hell I’m having trouble just holding a conversation because I… just don’t want too 

I’m at the point now where I’m going insane from boredem because I can’t find any enjoyment from anything…. And the moments of enjoyment I do find are fleeting they’ll last a few minutes and then poof gone.

I don’t know what to do anymore……