I'm just so fucking tired of the way I feel. I feel so emotionally overwhelmed right now, and fucking dead inside most other times. I want to just get fucked up until I overdose and die and just fuck any random stranger that would have me. But I cant even do that because nobody would fuck me anyway. Im not cute or attractive, or even in shape. Im not even attractive to myself. Not even to my partner. They never initiate sex. I feel like I always have to explicitly say I want to fuck and even then it feels like they struggle because I just don't turn them on. Im fucking sick of this and all I want to do is just ruin my life in a drug and sex filled haze until it kills me. Im just so fucking tired of feeling like this. I want to feel okay. I want to feel something that isn't amplified to the 1000th degree. I want to feel like I can function and like someone actually wants me.