A few months ago I was trying to learn a musical instrument (the fourth or fifth I've attempted) and a foreign language (... the fourth or fifth) and like everything else in life I suck/get bored/no motivation/what's the fucking point and now I have no interests. I'm so sick of this cycle. I don't understand how people get pleasure or anything positive out of cultivating a skill or even just having a hobby and having fun. Fun, wtf is that? I'm just trying to ward off suicide every day. My life consists of escapism and numbing myself, those are my only real past times and even them I loathe. There's only so much TV you can watch and only so much weed and alcohol until you get tired of it too. I hate free time and weekends because I have nothing to look forward to. Just passing time until death. I wish I could at least enjoy it like other people enjoy their free time. Earlier today I tried yoga for about 2 minutes before I remember how much I hate it. I've been in bed ever since holding back tears because this is my fucking life. 