Today I had a parents meeting where as parents go to their kids school and they individually communicate with each teacher of each subject. So pretty much some teachers told my mom that I was a really great kid but I need to study more. (Mind you I've always been an excellent student but I have developed anxiety, ed, body dysmorphia and depression and so it's really hard to concentrate) And so my mom said that I should stop following those dumb dreams of mine and I need to only focus on studying. And she said that she will take my internet privileges away. (Meaning that I'll only use internet to study) She also said that she won't let me see my friends and that the only thing I will do all day is pretty much just study because she "cares" about my reputation at school and doesn't want me to get low grades. (I literally try so fcking hard to study and I try so hard to do my best but ofc it can never be enough. I fcking hate myself. Whenever I get a bad grade I cry for like 3 hours straight and I cry myself to sleep as well...Even today when some teachers were criticising me I started to cry, and still she thinks I don't care about my grades...I told her how much I was trying but she didn't bother at all to even care)...Anyways, my dream was to be a kpop idol. Not anymore tho. I will study hard and I will get a job that my parents like just so I can make them happy and proud of me for once...I probably won't like the job and I have to give up my dream for it but whatever...If I get any bad grades the 2nd semester she's going to be so mad and she will probably take away everything i have and she will force me to study...Idk how I'm going to live like this. I most likely will end up committing su*c*de and I hope that that will teach them to treat students better and to never put a lot of stress on them because this will most likely be the ending...