I consider myself to be very high functioning, my symptoms are barely noticeable all except one. ever since I started having relationships, which have all been with awful people, I find it impossible to leave them no matter how much I want to or how many reasons they give me, nothing is ever enough to push me over the edge. I have always been the one to be broken up with and never the one to leave.

I’ve been to therapy countless times with countless different therapists, all have said that they see no issue and think I will “grow out of it”, I feel so un-listened to. I am currently in yet another abusive relationship and have been for a year as of today, although I knew 2 months in I needed to run for the hills but for some reason I just can’t. My current boyfriend lies to me, steals from me, screams at me, threatens me, calls me every name under the sun, has held me in his house against my will when I’ve tried to leave a heated situation, you name it he’s done it, and yet I still can’t leave.

I have tried to many times, I have told him face to face “I don’t want to be with you anymore but I can’t leave and I’m trapped”, I have screamed and shouted that “I’m done for good this time” for the 100th time, blocked him on everything, given him back all his belongings and yet somehow my brain will not allow me to leave him mentally and I’ll be right back in his arms within a few hours.

there is so many videos and posts on YouTube, google etc about “how to leave a borderline” but what if you’re not the issue? What if the other person is and you’re incapable of leaving them? Now what?

I am completely drained and even when our relationship is on good terms I feel helpless, weak, held captive by my own mind (because no one is stopping me from leaving but me) and that I no longer feel love towards him. I cannot continue this cycle any longer. 



