So, in addition to cyclothymic disorder, I also have PTSD and I'm autistic. I have meltdowns and they're usually, like, loud and dramatic. They only generally happen about a few times per year, but they're *really bad*. I'm talking, like, I will beat up my own face, I slam my head into walls and floors and shit, I flip out and throw furniture. I get loud asf. I scream. My last meltdown was so bad I broke multiple blood vessels in my eye and had bruises all over my face for days. It's really bad. Usually it happens if I'm in hypomania and I'm getting super overwhelmed and overstimulated and my boyfriend and I are fighting, and then I have a meltdown and then I get put into depression. I've had like four of them in 2021 so far.

I've lived in the hood almost my entire adult life so this has never really been an issue, because a) everyone else is on drugs or mentally ill too and then b) nobody around here calls the cops. Autistic people and mentally ill people are substantially more likely to be killed by the police, probably because we get reckless like this and nobody knows what to do about it except just kill us. I'm also unmedicated. I went in for Lamictal but then discovered that I have an increased risk for SJS so I'm back at square one until I can see the psychiatrist in my network, which isn't for another few months. I could try the Lamictal but most people in my community are unvaccinated and the hospital system is so full I would prob not have an ICU bed if I got SJS.

My boyfriend and I just got preapproved for a mortgage, and we want to move out of the hood. There's starting to be way more break-ins in our neighborhood lately and it's just not safe for our daughter. There was an incident last year too involving a car full of men propositioning kids. Plus, rent is going up in the community and I just really cannot justify paying any more money to live in this neighborhood, especially since our landlord keeps threatening to evict me for no reason (I pay on time and in full every month and always have, but if something goes wrong and she doesn't feel like dealing w it she just threatens to evict me if I don't deal w it myself). So, like, the obvious choice is to leave our neighborhood and go somewhere safer. We found a few really cute houses in nice neighborhoods with kids.

The problem is that I'm scared. What if I have one of my loud, dramatic-ass meltdowns in the nice new neighborhood where people *aren't* all wild asf, and I get the cops called on me? I'm not white. I'm Filipino but our community is super homogenous and generally my ethnicity is not "clocked" accurately. There are a lot of bad things that could happen here. What should I do? Please don't judge me or criticize me for being a bad mom. I'm a good mom and I'm doing my best. I'm just mentally ill and unmedicated.