Background:

My siblings and I have a good relationship with our mother, which actually got complicated when, a year and a half ago (I think), it was revealed that our father was having an affair. Mom was devastated, we were saddened for her, and angry at our pops. During that time my mom decided to live with her sister to take care of things, and also maybe to have some space (our aunt lives alone).  All three of us children are adults now so that's okay, we'll take care of the house. Live independently.

Here's the kicker: our father decided to stay with our mother and aunt as well, to make amends? Fix their relationship? Help in managing things at our aunt's house? As penance of sorts? Anyway, we hated that idea, and have told our mother to just tell our father off and have him return to HIS own family. I don't know how or why, but they're still together at our aunt's house, taking care of things there.

I guess we kinda called her stupid? Told her that her decision-making in this whole ordeal was horrible, and that's why we now have a strained relationship with her (especially my second-oldest sister - I'm the youngest of the three.) But my oldest sister and I, we still talk to our mother via messenger apps.

Problem:

I'm 22M. College drop-out, unemployed, no skills. Ugly. My part of the property is a cat-piss-stained fucking mess. We have too many dogs and they're stressful to take care of. I'm depressed, have anxiety, and riddled with regret (you tend to be when you wasted thousands of Philippine pesos in tuition fees back in 2019). Finally, I'm so fucking lazy and pathetic. 

I'd hide all these from my mother and sisters (especially my sisters, since they're the ones keeping us afloat - I have absolutely no right to complain to them). But I really just want to vent these out to my mother, at least. She's worked so hard for us, her children. And yet here's her youngest child, her only son, being an absolute fucking useless degenerate.

I want to apologize to her for being... *like this*. I want to inform her that, though we have a strained relationship with her, we still love her very much. Though we hate that she and her incompetent, cheating husband are still together together, she's still the best fucking parent any child could ever have.

I don't know, I guess I want reassurance from her that everything's going to be okay. That I'll be okay. That I've plenty of time to make improvements in my life. But I do not know how to proceed.