TW

Someone please help. I don’t know what to do. I feel like a psycho stalker and like i push everyone away. Recently (within last two months) developed a FP and was in denial of it until recently when i realized if they were to set boundaries with me and not wanna talk to me everyday i’d freak out. Usually on the weekends they go out and i get that they haven’t seen their friends in awhile and stuff but seeing them active on social media while ignoring me sends me spiraling with suicidal thoughts until they reply. It makes me feel like everything beneath me is crumbling and i know nothing and everything is a lie. I get they have a life outside of me but why does it hurt so much? I’ve never expressed any of these feelings or thoughts to this person. they don’t know they’re my FP they do know i have bpd. They just know i require a lot of reassurance and have pretty bad intrusive thoughts. Why can’t i matter daily? How come i only feel valid to them when they’re bored during the week?? I feel like i have no life outside of them and even if i am to do something to distract myself while i wait for them to talk to me i still can’t help but overthink and feel like i’m gonna vomit.