I can live without doing it. In fact, I've lived most of my entire fucking life without doing it. I'm only hurting myself and the people who love me by doing it.

It's just that regular life hurts so fucking much. Every step I take feels like a thousand, and I have to pretend I'm fine because nobody wants to listen. If I stop pretending, people leave me. 

I just want it to go away, even if it's only for a little :(