I am 21F who was diagnosed bipolar 2 at 19 and then bipolar 1 after a brief hospital stay back in March.But I have always had issues with my emotions and pretty intense mood swings, I had a very traumatic childhood and figured that was the reason and hoped with age it would get better. Unfortunately things have gotten a lot worse since I have become an adult. I could be having a great time and then out of nowhere I am extremely angry and anxious. I say very hurtful things to my fiance...I don't mean any of them but in the moment it's like I am a completely different person. And then the next day I don't want to get out of bed or do anything, I feel awful and alone. 
I have tried a few medications but they don't seem to help the way me or my fiance would like. 

I'm scared, I'm scared of how I act, I'm scared I will never be able to change or get better no matter how much I want to . 
I feel crazy, and the last thing I want is to hurt the people around me. It makes me want to just isolate and be alone.