I despise myself, I really do. I’m constantly thinking about how disgusting I am and how much I hate myself. My self-esteem is at its lowest point, I can’t look at myself in the mirror, I starve myself from time to time. And it’s not solely about the looks, no — I hate my personality, I hate how shallow, boring and depressed I am, how I have nothing to offer to others so they would be interested in me or spending time with me. On top of all that, I believe I am lucky enough to have my family, money, decent life, and you know what? It makes me feel even worse, thinking that I don’t deserve all that. I was just listening to the stories of my friend who went through childhood abuse and it made me feel so damn guilty. I’m complaining all the time and why? Why do pieces of shit like me get the good life? I never deserved it and I never will. I’m worthless, I deserve to be punished, I wish I was already.