When I was having a shower, I just sat down and thought "Why I dont feel like a normal person, why I can't know my goals, wants, wishes and why I can not be sure  what I want, never, ever". 

Back then, in highschool , I believed I'll certainly be changed in the future, will be more sure about myself, be more specific, be more confident etc.. However, it never happened.

Now, I'm fucking graduating from a department that even I didn't choose, my mom chose it for me, (I was lucky bc I liked it ) however, I'd not know what to decide at that time too. And still, today, I dont know what to do with my life. One day, I wake up and say I'm going to apply master's and move abroad, and the following hour I say I should stay and work, and AGAİN at the same day I find myself thinking of joining some certificate program or something.. 

I mean... Come on.. What kind of mindset is this?

How can I be an efficient person if I dont know what I want?

I got sick of it. All of it sudden, everything seems meaningless, why should I make any effort, if at the end of the day I'm gonna regret it? I don't know ANYTHING about this personality, if there is any.

I GOT ENOUGH OF MYSELF, bored of being me. I'm a disaster. 

(-and anybody knows how I feel, I dont tell anyone, live everything on my own, in my mind-)