Hello. Sorry for the heavy topic in advance. Last night, after being pretty stable all day, I started thinking of myself like I was worth a religion. And also thinking that I wasn't quite God, but if I died, I'd be brand new and somehow that seemed to be better. I woke up today with several self harm scars. And, according to my notebook, (I write on it when I'm manic, referring to myself as a character) I was smiling and happy and it felt like a reward. I don't remember anything from last night except feeling very numb and emotionless before "blacking out". As in, I don't remember doing anything after that and only have brief memories but nothing is clear and all I have as proof of doing anything is my notebook and scars. I even called my best friend to make sure that I didn't do anything stupid, and she told me she didn't hear from me at all last night. 

Has anyone else experienced this? I'm scared. I don't know what's happening. I feel like I should be more concerned, but the more I write, the more I'm convinced that all of this is normal. Maybe I'm just overreacting? I don't know.