Okay so I haven't been single for more than a couple months for about five years now. I keep settling for less than ideal partners because when I have no one to mirror I feel like a robot thats malfunctioning. The most healthy points in my life are the begging of relationships when everything is rainbows and sunshine (aka the honeymoon phase). I'll be literally glowing constantly, be super productive, funny,  positive, and everyone will love to be around me. However after the peak comes the plumit into constantly obsessing over every little way my partner has hurt me, being up all night sobbing, and having zero self worth/ motivation. Then I'll temporarily switch between the former and latter (idealizing vs devaluing) until my partner does something so terrible that I leave for good. Then I'll be on this self improvement hype for about two weeks until I start to have relationship withdrawals and date the first attractive toxic human I find. And thus the cycle repeats. Please help. I dont know whether it's worse to be single or in a relationship but I don't know how much more of this I can take. I haven't self harmed in years but I've started again because any little thing my partner does that hurts me hurts SO BAD.