Kinda speaks for itself. I never really asked my siblings about it but I have very distinct and very troubling memories of when my parents would lose it on me and then, when I stood before them, dejected, they would say "can I have a hug?" or "give me a hug" or "I love you" but never "I'm sorry" 

I think part of the reason I lost faith at a young age was something like this. I believed there was no way a caring/higher figure could exist when they also give you such painful experiences but at the same time ask for your love. 

You know what I mean? How could love exist when people I'm supposed to trust ask me for a hug after making me suffer? I think this experience followed me through my life, not letting people love me because I was so ready for those people to immediately hurt me (that's the trade after all, isn't it?) 

Even though I know now that that's not really how love works, I've never truly wanted romance or deeply intimate bonds for this reason