Certain events happened in my life putting me through a whole bunch of shit. Then I got diagnosed with ADHD and BPD. 

I took peace with that and used it as an excuse for my behavior.. but deep down I wasn't actually happy. Depressed even. At times bedridden, I lost my fire in life.

I recontemplated my whole life. From birth up until now. What were the things that made me happy. In my gut. What where the things I wanted to persue. How do I combine these things. 

How do I align these things in the situation I'm now in, to get out of my shithole appartment. So I can have enough money to buy a new matress cover. 

So I can practise my hobbies again. Become so good at it I can use it as a side hustle without pressure. What are the things I'm looking for in the job I'm doing. So I can apply for specific things that are challenging enough but not too much so I don't burn out after 4 months. Mentally and physically. 

Ho do I use my job to boost my skills i'm trying learn actively. So I can learn new skills passively with the things I love doing. 

I found everything back. Where I left off before shit got out of hand. I'm a couple steps back even. 

Still. I see the steps I need to take and that need to be made, before I can become fullfilled, satisfied with my situation. 

Thats my only way to a happy life.

So every thing said here, will be the lugage I'm taking with me. To my new appointment with my old old psychiatrist who diagnosed me the first time. 

After meeting me for half a year, 5 years ago. I think I want a re-evalution. Because I don't think the truth then. Is the Truth now, with all the new things I learned about myself.
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Hope this helps for those who want. My situations don't apply to anyone in particular. My conclusion will differ from yours about yourself. But I hope you all find peace with yourself and the outside world.

Taking all my friendships back from the real worldand my internet world. 
Those that made me happy, want me to be happy or who I want to be happy.

Leaving everyone else behind where I left them. 

Cheers. And goodbye. Have a great day.