Or is this just a view I’ve been having. Isn’t it normal to have a bad day? I feel like if I have a bad day and show that flip side to people who are interested in being a relationship or friends with me they just instantly back off and it hurts. I feel like I have nothing to offer anybody.

A month ago I felt popular, like I had friends, and I had two women interested in me.

Now, I sit here alone on my bed with a phone full of empty contacts and messages. I had one bad day, and now I have nothing.

I feel like I did nothing wrong too. I just get sad sometimes and people seem to fade away, or don’t want to hear me out, or side with me, or help me, be there for me, or simply care.

I feel like the only people I can trust are characters in books, or my mother who is displeased by me but gives me shelter, food and lets me save my money.

And I save my money for what, a future? Of future of loneliness.

All I ever wanted was someone to think I was interesting enough to keep around and I have nothing and nobody.

It’s so hard to even find interest in myself. I can’t push myself to do anything when this happens. Everything feels so difficult and pointless.

I guess I just needed to rant.

I wish I felt normal. I wish our emotions weren’t so highly sensitive. I wish I could stop feeling so numb when I’ve splitted.

I feel happy, euphoric when I’m not. Then something happens and I break, I get angry, then guilt arrives and it’s overpowering, which then depression follows.

I feel like the only thing saving me from these feelings is smoking weed again, because it numbs me.

I’m stuck, and I hate having this condition. I’ll never feel whole, will I? No one sees our worth as people.

We are all going to die alone. 