So everyday I try to be happy and calm but it’s hard besides I got a crazy situation and sux I got anxiety disorder, I’m too self aware of my heart I think when I stand up my heart beats faster than it should part of it has to do with my addictive personality maybe I mean I feel like everyday I’m trying to feed an empty void and trying hard to calm my heart before a seizure or cardiac arrest happens it seems inhuman how fast my heart goes up it’s maybe happened before almost 200bpm it scares me tho and turns into a more anxiety cycle I game to try to distract myself tbh and i use to love drinking so my mind is still struggling I found new obsessions…..