my journey with BPD has been a very short yet intense ride. i was diagnosed around two years ago, then six months into seeing professionals i was prescribed medications. i had some medication side effects (drowsiness, feeling blah, can’t shed a tear) but overall it was fine. then after a year of doing my weekly sessions and taking my meds, my therapist quit and left the country and then a couple of weeks later my psychiatrist left the country too. i had to start all over again which kinda crushed me, but i had hope. 

my new psychiatrist changed all my meds and said he knew what i exactly needed even though i expressed that i’m comfortable with the current medications. in addition to 
prescribing me different antidepressants, he put me on antipsychotics too. this was my last straw with him, because it messed me up. i was more depressed, more anxious and i gained 22kg/48lbs in a short time frame. i had to leave the country to study abroad so i asked my psychiatrist to aid me into getting off the medications and i do not want them anymore. he refused and said it’s risky cause it’s a new environment and thinks the meds will keep me stable. what i did next was something risky in itself and i do not advise anyone to do so, but i cut the meds cold turkey because i woke up one day and i have had enough and i could not find an english speaking psychiatrist in the country im in. 

here i am today, 4 months after i stopped my meds - experiencing all my emotions and feelings raw. everyday passes by and i am constantly sitting with my raw depression again, my raw shifting self image, my raw emotional swings etc. 

my question is: do we just end up learning to cope with it slowly for the rest of our lives? does BPD just live with us forever, except it’s like an untamed pet at the corner of the room that you get to tame gradually through the years?