My sister is hosting a birthday party at my grandma's house for me and while the rest of my family is out in the living room having the time of their lives, I'm in a spare bedroom, frozen. My mental health has been the worst it's ever been since april. I developed GAD, panic disorder, and MDD. One of the main symptoms affecting me is I'm unable to eat because I overthink it, my mouth is often dry, and I feel like I'm going to choke (it's a long and complex story) so i mostly rely on nutritional drinks, broth, and water to survive. Most days, I don't even want to leave my house. As much as I appreciate my sister's efforts, I really really didn't want a birthday party. I'm dreading the moment I need to blow out the candles on my cake because everyone is going to surround and expect me to eat in front of them. I can't live up to their expectations and I feel like a failure. I can't even go out in the living room and fake a smile, I'm too exhausted (mentally, physically, emotionally) at this point. I feel like I'm letting my sister down. I just want to vent because I have no one to talk too.