I just feel like growing up I have always felt left out, ignored, and abandoned by people. I usually feel like people only ever want to reach out to me or talk to me when I initiate. But then when I don’t text ppl I wont hear from them for weeks until I reach out again. Maybe I am just a forgettable person? I am honestly unsure but these feelings lead me to cut ppl off pretty quickly and frequently. I honestly just feel like those ppl are so uncaring and selfish. Then, whenever I try to tell them how I feel they always try to make an excuse instead of validating my feelings. Like instead of saying sorry they try to make me feel crazy and always say “well I had this and this going on so that’s why I haven’t reached out in days, weeks, etc.” I feel so empty and hopeless to ever have healthy and successful relationships with people. I just wish I could be someone’s priority for once instead of feeling like no one will ever care for me. And then because I am so desperate to be cared for or have friends I end up in friendships with really awful and shitty people. Why am I not good enough at all? Why do I not deserve friends or love? Why am I so selfish that any time people don’t talk to me I take it personal and cut them off? Why am I not able to be ok being alone? I don’t even have motivation to develop hobbies. I JUST WANT FRIENDS AND SUPPORT.