How I am not allowed to get upset when someone screams at me and is highly disrespectful?

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I am leaving my current job but for years if I show any kind of reaction to this type of behavior, my emotional reaction is under more scrutiny than the person who elicited the response (unruly customers)

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I understand I am sensitive to stimuli, emotional, etc but I am also human and I have a right to be indignant in the face of disrespect and injustice.

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Why do I feel like because society deems me a borderline, that my emotions are invalid?

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Just now I was berated on the phone. I calmed the person down while my heartrate was going 1000 beats per minute. I hung up and took a walk. That's all I can do. That is distress tolerance, right?

But in the past, if I was firm with the guest on the phone and let them know that I was trying to help and that I would need them to listen in order for that to happen, then my behavior was deemed rude and I was "Taking it personally" and "letting it in" (according to manager opinion)

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So I am just supposed to let disrespect slide off my back and take it? All for the name of hospitality and customer service?

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I am going back to school to establish a meaningful career but also to hopefully one day not be so damn disrespected constantly. But I also know that I am entering a career where emotions will run high (clinical psychology) so I don't know what to do at this point. I don't know if I am effectively handling people or not.