just a life recap, because im excited and people in my life dont understand the gravity. also, i just enjoy being an open book. 

i had my first (bad and painfully clear) manic episode in may 2021. tried to cut off my family, friends, tried to die a few times. thought i was some version of a god. hearing things, seeing things, the works. 

diagnosed myself as bipolar mid mania, then decided mental illness was a western way to hide ethnic powers. yeah, i know. 

as soon as i started crashing, i got on meds. i want to be a therapist, and have for a long time, so thankfully i was very open to and excited about starting meds. started therapy. now, im more than 6 months into trauma therapy and i feel like i can see the results in my thoughts and actions. 

i was insanely depressed from june 2021 until early january 2022, when i advocated for myself to add an ssri to my drug cocktail. 

now, i am, finally, not depressed. 

its insane. ive been depressed since i was 8 or 9, disassociating so bad my parents got me glasses because i couldnt focus my eyes.

i wake up and i can go to the gym. ive never been able to do that. 

i text my friends back. 

i write. 

the bad days are still bad, but who knew life could be like this (functional). 

i owe this community many thank yous, for so much advice and support. it wouldve been much harder without the love in here :-)