A year ago I had a brief fling with someone, who was manipulative and sexually assaulted me and gaslit me when I confronted him. He made this past year my worst nightmare and I am still recovering. 

About an hour ago I passed my abuser in a mall. It all happened so fast, we walked by each other and caught eye contact. It was only after I realized it was him, because we were wearing masks. I had been preparing what to do when I saw him again, but I didn't do shit. I just walked by and freaked out and went home. Now I'm home alone and I'm so anxious. I feel like the biggest coward. He has been talking behind my back since the assault and I wanted him to know that I know, so he would hopefully stop. My friend who I was with told me to ignore him to not give ham any power and I was too scared to go after him which I now regret but again I don't know if that was a bad idea. 

I don't have any possibility to not be alone right now. Being alone overall makes me very anxious, ever since this happened. I don't know how to get the next hours until my bf comes home. I can't think about this but also I can't not think about it, like a middle state. I just don't know how to handle this and I can't get in contact with any of my friends or my partner atm. I feel so fucking pathetic, but I just want to know someone "is there"?