My anxiety is at an all time high lately (diagnosed with GAD pre-covid), and I just need a space to vent and hope maybe someone will have a shared experience to vent with me.

Since May, I've been required to work on-site every day in my office with about 20-30% of people back after we lightly shut down in March (I was sent to work from home then). Most of the people regularly on-site don't give a damn about covid, and I've complained to HR and my manager several times about the lack of mask wearing according to the policy (which was only implemented in June or July). I also just found out we had more cases than I knew about, although HR told me they were all off-site cases when I asked about it. Not sure I fully believe that.

My manager sympathizes with my anxiety (I haven't formally announced my diagnosis but I've told him I'm anxious about being in the office every day during the pandemic), but refuses to let me work remotely, citing the department head as the reason. Although he did let me work remotely the week and a half before Christmas so I could quarantine and get tested before seeing family, but that's been it since May.

After the holidays I moved to an empty cubicle away from most people and it's been better but it's also a cube that someone else has equipment sitting in and needs to use every so often when he comes into the office. I told my manager and second-level manager that it seems only fair if I have to be on site every day for me to get my choice of desk, but there's been some argument with this person and his manager because they want to keep the equipment there, even though he has another desk nearby or we can move the equipment to our prototype area.

Yesterday, my second-level manager came over to measure a table near my new desk and said he's trying to find a spot for the equipment, saying that if our manufacturing plants are wanting us to be here 5 days a week (we provide corporate level support) we should have the space we want for our group. I'm glad, but he's saying the plants want us here every day, but my manager said it was the department head...

Fast forward to today, I see my department head (third level manager) in the kitchen heating up lunch and he mentions me moving my desk and asked how it was going. I explained that it's much better since it's away from people, especially right now. Then I said, I guess we are still being required to be on-site every day, even right now? He said yes, especially my group because of our function. I said I understand when we need to be near equipment but most of my time is spent in my cubicle so I'm not sure why I have to be on-site every day. He said if I was concerned to talk to my manager and second-level manager. I said I have talked with them and they want me to be here. He said he would talk with them, and then I thanked him and left the kitchen.

While talking to him my anxiety kicked in almost right away and I felt myself choking up and not being able to express everything I wanted to say. I'm kicking myself for not being able to bring up the mask issue with him as a main reason for me being so uncomfortable every day, among just the general notion of being around irresponsible people during a pandemic. Now I'm eating lunch and crying in my car because I'm upset that no one seems to care about my concerns and clearly don't give a damn about my health and safety, even the people who are supposed to care. I've been looking for a new job but it's so time consuming and exhausting, and I don't want to accept a job at a similar company that is going to do the same thing to me.

I'm mentally and emotionally drained almost every day due to my anxiety mixed with frustration, on top of my mentally taxing job. Then all of the craziness going on in the US, where I live if that wasn't clear, is the cherry on top, which I know I can just tune it out but it's difficult. I'm at the point where I would love to just quit, and do nothing but curl up into a ball and cry and wait till this is all over. I know that's totally unrealistic and childish, but I'm just not doing so well right now.

Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far. If anyone has any similar experiences to share, feel welcome. I just need to commiserate with strangers, I guess, lol.