Nothing seems to make anything better ever. All these side effects are making me more depressed and upset than I already am. I went to the doctor on Monday and I gained over 50 pounds (easily from medication. its why i switched from abilify because i could tell it was making me gain weight. i just didnt know how much.) I cried when I looked at the scale and begged the nurse to tell me it wasnt real. Not to mention the brain fog and stupidness i feel from taking lamictal also puts a damper on my mental health. I also believe the lamictal is thinning my hair and making it fall out. I want to stop taking medication or at least take less than what Im taking currently. I can never win with this goddamn illness. its either get fucked or get fucked. Im so tired of all of this. Im also tired of everyone saying With this illness Ill never have a stable life without medication. I dont want to take stupid little pills everyday for the rest of my life but I also dont want to deal with the fluctuations in mood and stability. Will i ever find something that works for me. Im starting to think theres more than just bipolar wrong with me.