I cant Diagnose my mental condition.

I have anger issues. I have the suicidal thoughts but because of the lack of actual depression not the will and guts to self harm and suicide.
Iam extremely lazy and i cant take the joy i should have. Yet iam not sad. Iam just aggressive. Life is already boring to me. I figured once you seen one animal or whatever else of object or living being you seen them all. Iam Literally waiting untill i can finally get the fuck out to heaven.

Yet iam not sad. Iam just extremely bored. And the outlook into the future... Iam 19... So iam going to witness the economy and the human race fall out of the Digital era because of the lack of resources.


Id say iam forced to live because suicide is a ticket straight to hell.

Can someone tell me what is wrong and how to combat it? Iam really not depressed or sad or something. I just fucking hate being alive and fucking hell iam scared as fuck from injuries i could get or just the singular short amount of pain i would ferl if i actually committed to it. I dislike pain so much that i would refuse to do.

My suicide would be only by natural sheer coincidence or disease. Because that wouldn't be my fault and not suicide at all.