Hello all. Not going to the place which shall not be named bc I think they’re a bunch of ignorant cockroaches. But I have a dilemma. 

My bf (ex?) just split on me, I think. He hasn’t been officially diagnosed, but he fits all the criteria. We’ve had big blowups before where MUCH worse things were said but he always came back within a week. This time felt different—the trigger seemed abnormally small, and he lashed out way harder. He has never been cruel to me until today. 

Yesterday, we were watching New Girl. Jess avoided kissing the nerdy guy and then she smacked herself in the head and called herself stupid. I laughed and said “Me,” referring to the fact that I constantly do stupid shit and then smack myself for it. My bf froze and said “What?” And I said “Omg, don’t even go there, that’s not what I meant,” and explained it and it seemed fine. Later he asked me why girls seemed to go for chubbier guys and I said “I’m not sure, tastes change as you get older. Like before you, when I was really young I was more into scrawny guys who looked near death, and didn’t understand why girls were into dad bods. But now that I’m older, I love dad bods, I think they’re really sexy.” He was quiet and we moved on. 

He got up to play video games so I thought I’d run some errands and then when he saw I was dressed, he started getting really snappy with me. I was taken aback and I tried to get him to talk to me but he kept insisting nothing was wrong while also saying “Go away, I was hoping you’d already be gone, I need a break from you.” I have emotional regulation issues of my own so I basically told him what he was saying wasn’t ok and I’ll admit I did keep pushing. Eventually I gave up, thought things were getting better when he bought me McDonald’s. But at night he refused to talk to me no matter how hard I tried and then slept on the couch. 

This morning he stopped sharing his location and unfollowed me from Instagram. I was nice at first but when I tried getting him to talk to me he told me to go away. So I did but then he blocked my number and I’ll admit I got triggered. So I raced home and basically said if you want to fight, let’s fight. And he just stared at his phone and said “I need a break from you. I want a break.” When I asked why he said “You’re just not my type.” Until that moment I had no idea why he was angry at me. But as soon as he said that I knew and I almost lost it. I kept trying to get him to talk about it but he kept saying I wasn’t his type, I was too skinny, I should go after scrawny boys, the sex wasn’t good, and he just didn’t ever love me before. 

I finally gave up after he accused me of comparing him to my narc father and remained silent when I told him he was being borderline emotionally abusive. All I’ve said since is that I love him but I’m not begging anymore. 

I’m just goin on with life as normal. I’m not going to be emotional or anything beyond courteous to him. He wants to be friends, fine. We’re friends now. My intuition says he’ll calm down within a week and regret this. But I need to understand what I triggered in him for my own sanity. And I can’t ask him so I’d like y’all’s insight. Thank you.