when it comes to depression i’ve only thought about killing my self or dying never with actual intent to kill myself. still even after today i feel the same. when it comes to cutting or burning i do it in order to physically put the pain somewhere instead of it being in my head. last night i was a little too forceful and cut my wrist deeper than i would have normally done 

warning don’t read the following part if squeamish:
i’m surprised i didn’t pass out from blood loss. i was not only dripping blood but blood was actually shooting forcefully from the cut. blood was all over arms, legs, kitchen, bedroom, walls, and bathroom before i could cover it up to goto hospital. 

my girlfriend and i arrived at the hospital at 11:55 pm dec 8. I checked in and got stapled up pretty fast but was under watch and it wasn’t until 9 am dec 9 that a councilor was able to meet with me. I couldn’t fall asleep because i was on edge all night. I had no further intentions of hurting myself. I was released just 20-30 minutes ago at 11:15 am dec 9 i’ll say. 

getting home and seeing the bloody mess around my apartment was so painful but for what had occurred in the last 12 hours of my life i would say i am feeling overall good. 

life kicks your ass all the time but everyone please keep pushing. your life is precious