I honestly don't know how to keep on living, it's been bad but I feel like now it has reached a new level. Every day feels now like constant pain and the thought of ending that pain doesn't leave me alone even doing things I enjoyed. I feel like I have to put on a mask in front of other people just so that I won't break down wherever I am. I just feel cold like nothing matters anymore, I want to cry, shout or punch the walls until my hands are bleeding, but I'm just numb like all those feelings inside of me can't come to the surface. I've never felt like my immediate future was as uncertain as it is now, I feel like the tiniest thing will send me spiraling down that pit. I wish I wouldn't exist.