i’ve had anxiety since i was 11 years old (i’m 21 now). when i was young and my anxiety disorder started i developed this fear of choking so i wouldn’t eat if i was home alone and became underweight. i grew out of this when i was 14 but still was a very picky eater and only chose foods that i believed were not a choking risk. 

when i was a late teen (around 18 years old) i started to get more stress in my life due to figuring out what i wanted to to as a career. because i was preoccupied with worries i did not eat (some people stress eating but i stress ‘starve’). at first i didn’t do it on purpose, but i became some accustom to not eating much that even if i wasn’t stressed i wouldn’t eat much. since then i’ve lost even more weight and i am now classed as severely underweight and i lost my period last year so i’m currently working with a dietitian. 

i realised i got myself in such a state that has contributed to my health in bad ways. i’m upset with myself but everyday i wake up i want to restrict my food (i let the thought pass nowadays). i’m not sure if this classes as an eating disorder but i don’t fear gaining weight or think i am fat. i also do therapy but i don’t know how to get to the root cause of why i’m doing this to myself. it’s like restricting my food is a way for me to feel at ease from my anxiety and it doesn’t make sense.