I’m too sad. My boyfriend broke up with me after me constantly pushing him away and splitting on him. I feel crushing abandonment and I can’t let go or move on. I miss him and I wish I didn’t hurt him as much as I did. I feel like a mess most of the time and he thinks i’m crazy. I am so self destructive it’s like i’m destined to just ruin my life. I’ve suffered from severe abuse my entire life and im just a broken person at this point. It’s been too many years of this crippling insecurity. I think about suicide a lot but I can’t do that to my family. This is one of the few instances where i’m thinking about other people, most of the time I literally only think about myself and how I feel. I saw this other post about being impulsive with other people or things until I receive validation and that pretty much sums a lot of it up. I played with his emotions and hurt him for his response. My moods constantly change and it’s tiring. Sometimes I feel such an intense anger I want to explode. I have to fake happinesss because when i’m not I feel it bringing other people down. I don’t eat anymore. I lost my appetite and for some reason it’s more comforting to not eat. Two nights ago I had a sequence of sleep terrors and they freaked me out. Something is really really wrong. I might even be developing a substance abuse. I constantly switch myself around to fit the person I want to be. When I get rejected or left or I feel insecure I literally want to die and I have episodes where I absolutely hate myself. Anyways many of you probably have similar experiences and emotions so feel free to reply.