I can’t fucking do this shit anymore with these stupid meds. 

I’ve been on so many. I’ve tried Zoloft, and Effexor, and Prozac, and Wellbutrin, and Paxil.... that’s just the antidepressants. I currently take Celexa which is helpful at least. Took four years but I found one I guess. 

And antipsychotics! I’ve been on Abilify and Seroquel and Zyprexa.... Currently, I take risperidone. Once I found the one that works, I had to figure out dosage, which it feels like is never solved. I’ve been on it for four years and I literally just had another dose change and I’m so sick of it. 

And other meds too.... I’ve taken trazodone and zopoclone and melatonin for sleep, metformin for my diabetes...

This brings me to Lamotrigine. I started it four weeks ago, and three weeks ago broke out in a rash on my face. It’s spread to the rest of my body since then, coming and going, but it’s currently worst on my face. I woke up today and these stupid lumps are in my mouth too, all over my bottom lip. 

So today’s just been a mess. I had a phone appointment with my doctor today, who consulted the emergency psychiatry team, who told me to halve my dose. I was already worried about that, when the psychiatrist from my last hospital admission called me. He told me that I need to stop the medication now, and not start anything until my rash is gone. 

That’s scary to me.... the lamotrigine has changed my life, I’ve been so stable since starting it, and I’m so worried I’m going to get bad again, or have withdrawal symptoms. Nobody’s checking in on me until Monday, and I know that’s only a few days, but I’m so scared something bad is going to happen.