So I was diagnosed BPD some 4 years ago, went on some shitty meds that basically wrecked my body so that now I am the proud owner of a chronic pain condition.  Woohoo!!  Got off the meds, mostly self-med with pot at the moment cause I use it for my back as well.  Just missed doing some DBT classes because I was in school and scheduling conflicts.  Mostly dealing by disassociating... a lot!  

Well now my 13 yo daughter has been diagnosed with emotional dysregulation, anxiety and severe depression.  She's been in counselling since grade 6 for trauma from serious bullying in her formative years, but now it's a fight to get her to school every morning.  She's started to threaten to kill herself when I would push and that shit's scarier than fuck.  One day the school called me to say she wasn't there, so I called her phone and let her know in no uncertain terms she was to take herself to school right then.  well she didn't, I texted her back and she had gotten herself to a bridge and told me she was going to jump off.  She even texted me with "Goodbye mom."  I went to get her immediately and brought her to the ER, but man, that broke me.  

The one ray of sunshine is that her councillor has connected me with a group that teaches parents to skills to cope with their kid with emotional dysregulation.  I went to the first session last night, and what do I find out?  it's basically a DBT skills class.  I could have laughed.  I know if I can get my shit together and actually make it every week, it could be life-changing for me and her. 

I sure hope, because neither of us are really living now.  It's so sad.  