I'm happy, I'm doing something I love tomorrow and I should be really greatful for the work opportunity... But there's still a part of me that can't believe the week/month/year/life I've had and what I feel like I've been through personally.

I try to be 'good' and for whatever reason it doesn't help anything/I infact perhaps avoid conflict more than I should!

My doctor was running 90mins late the other day and I'd been waiting and the patient after me got called in first. 
The receptionists apologised without me even saying anything. I was like, 'don't sweat it, it's not your fault. Besides, its not even the worst thing that's happened to me today- I'll just go back next week.'

And the worst thing is hearing, or being open to hearing, that there's a part of you that's maladaptive or defective and you know it perpetuates a pattern of difficult life events happening to you. And you can't stop it because it's subconditioned.

I recognised you can't undo a life's worth of trauma and shitty life events in 1 hour per  fortnight in therapy. 
Even if it has been on and off for the last 6 years of your life.