This will be a rant. I don’t know where else to go or who else to talk to.
I got diagnosed yesterday and am waiting for my scripts to come through. Because there’s so much overlap with BPD but my previous diagnosis has been PTSD for the past few years (depression/anxiety/ED from 10-now, abused as a child from 4-16), the only change to medication for me will be a low dose anti psychotic for the bad times (40mg Prozac is what I’m already on). But I am having an awful day… they’ve been really angry or dissociative times recently but today I don’t want to go on. I live in Melbourne and we’ve just been in another lockdown and I don’t want to go back to normal. I like not being triggered so easily, I like that I can rest all day if I don’t sleep, I like living in the peace of knowing I’m not abandoned because everyone is stuck where they are. 
I don’t want to go back to normal. I don’t want to go to the chemist to have the anti-psychotic tomorrow. 
I bawled myself to sleep before and woke up with my bf spooning me tightly and my kitten asleep under my chin on my neck. And I still want to hurt. I still don’t want to go on. I know it’s temporary but I don’t know how long exactly, I don’t know if I can stand it, and I fucking hate myself regardless. All I can do in this state is smoke a j and sit on my hands until they go numb and I’m distracted.

Anyone who can guide me through what helps in the early days, or really any advice at all would mean the world to me.

Does it get better?