I have already told this to someone who experience dissociation and they told me that is may be it. So I'm now writing here to see what you think. 


I talk with myself. Like a lot. And the worst thing is that I start to do it without realizing. When someone interrupts me, I get confused and after few seconds I realize where I am. I don't clearly remember some parts of days, especially weekends. When someone asks me what I was doing on the weekend I can't recall it. I guess I was talking with myself or what. Sometimes I look what time it is, then check again and it's unbelievable. I thought that maybe 15 minutes passed, but it was longer, an hour, sometimes more. And I'm not doing some stuff I enjoy like reading, watching TV shows, so this shouldn't be happening. I guess I was just somewhere else and talking with myself, but I don't realize it. My parents often interrupt me and are like: "Why are you talking with yourseld again? Stop!" But I can't stop it. I just "dissociate" from reality or what. When I arrive to school, I usually don't remember the walk (I walk to school). At school I do this too. Few days ago my classmate was snapping his fingers in front of my eyes and asked me: "Are you here?" For few seconds I was confused and trying to realize what is going on. I hated that he did this just to ask this stupid question. He doesn't like me, so I know that it wasn't because he was worried for me or what. 


And there is another interesting thing that may be connected to this. Few weeks ago, my (ex) gf broke up with me. The thing is that when I realize it, it feels like it didn't happen to me. Like the whole relationship with her and the break up was someone else's life. Some of her friends were messaging me and they also asked if I loved her. And... I don't know. She looks like a stranger to me, like she was never a part of my life. I don't think I felt sad or anything after the break up. 


Like we know, dissociation is a coping mechanism. The only reason that comes to my mind why I may have it is my parents. They're horrible. I'd say abusive. I started having problems with sleeping, huge stress (I was experiencing nausea almost every day) at the age of 9. Now I have anxiety and depression+ also suicidal thoughts. So maybe my brain doesn't like the reality, so it dissociates me from it. What do you think?