*TLDR at end*

*very breif and vague mentions of self harm and suicide will be contained in this post*

21NB. I'm trying to get screened for BPD and my psychiatrist wants me to fill out a short BPD test thing first and it asks if I ever make "desperate efforts to avoid feeling abandoned or being abandoned" which I know is similar to the same criteria about "franic efforts to avoid abandonment real or imagined"

Anyway I'm not sure if I check off this criteria so I was hoping to maybe get some insight

My efforts to avoid being abandoned are pretty constant. I hate feeling alone and I feel like I wouldn't make it on my own. I consistently feel like people care less about me than I do about them or secretly dislike me and they might just start to drift away from me at any time, or even that they could decide I'm toxic and cut me off.  

But my efforts to avoid abandonment aren't necessarily frantic or obvious. I just try to get people to like me mostly. I have some habits I recognize as being bad and usually counterproductive but at the time I just do them. Like being overly accomidating, letting people get away with doing bad things to me, blaming myself for everything, trying to subtly brag about things, butting into conversations, talking too much about myself, oversharing, trying to make myself seem special, doing various things to try to get people to pity me, etc etc. sometimes I kinda do self harm with the hopes someone will notice and pay attention to me honestly.

I have had a few times where my efforts did seem frantic. 

Like in my only real romantic relationship, almost everytime my partner started to break up with me (they broke up with me and we got back together like 5 or 6 times total but now we're broken up) I'd try to get them to stay, bargain with them, cry, just not let them leave easily. Maybe we had one mutual breakup but they always initiated it and I mostly remember my attempts to get them to stay. And often I was the one to try to get back together with them too. 

Also with one friend who basically turned on me. It's a long story. But it was mostly because of their boyfriend. I tried a lot to get them to come back to me (one questionable thing I did was try to use my depression as an excuse for my behavior since although they were extremely unfair I hadn't been perfect) and I also tried to tell them that their boyfriend was abusive (I really do think he was) so they would side with me instead of him but in the end nothing worked and I think I really just pushed them away more.

Also probably the worst I've done is with my mom. I have kinda a love hate relationship with her and ultimately I love her but for some reason she can really trigger me. Sometimes when I've asked her for help if she can't help me and she tries to walk away from the situation I've even gone as far as to threaten suicide to try to get her to stay and help me even if she literally can't do anything. This has happened multuple times. I never realize how stupid and bad it is until I calm down later. 

But I think it's only really been with those three people that I've been so outward about it.

Sorry this got long. As I mentioned I tend to overshare a lot. 

But any insight on whether I fit this criteria would be super appreciated. 

TLDR: I don't know if I fit the criteria of "frantic efforts to avoid abandonment" but I want to know how to answer a question about it that my psychiatrist gave me. I fear abandonment but usually just try to avoid it in subtle ways except for in a few more extreme cases. I want to know what counts as fitting this criteria.