I can't even explain it I just feel like what I feel doesn't really matter. What i fear is irrelevant. And that sooner or later everyone will go. I cannot rely on anyone but myself. My parents are dysfunctional enabler/malignant narcissist. My family is nuts (not an exaggeration see my post history). I ride on my boyfriend's coattails. I have no friends anymore. I don't even know how to make friends. If my SO broke up with me I'd be alone and sometimes I don't get why he's with me when he could be with someone more like him who suits him better and can make him happier.

Why does it even matter.