My girlfriend will go through periods that last 1-3 hours where she “doesn’t want to break up” but is confused about what she wants, what her future looks like, and if I play a role in it. Often she will talk about marriage or babies or how beautiful she thinks I am, but sometimes, randomly, that’ll happen. And then she cry and feel guilty and say I deserve better. Often this is accompanied by hitting her head on the wall, although she does that at other times too. She definitely splits on herself in a very black and white way, but this feels like it’s really gray? Like she doesn’t hate me, she loves me and feels bad that she doesn’t feel like I’m enough in those moments.

When we started dating, she wasn’t attracted to me. I’m a little overweight. Now she says she loves my body and is always complimenting me, but I worry these moments are her finally realizing what she never stopped feeling. 

It didn’t sound like typical splitting to me but I thought I would ask reddit!