Thought: my all or nothing mentality attributes value to you based on how much I feel you love and desire me. Then when I'm convinced you don't have feelings for me, I still love you but I angrily devalue you. I've read this is part of the splitting process. The word split is used to describe the two sides of value and devalue.
My mind says "what good is someone who hates you?"
I don't know if I can ever believe someone can be in love with me so I need to attribute value in a different way otherwise you'll never feel valued unless you're happy and really into me.

You are not worthless. You are the most valuable person in my life with my most valuable memories having you in them. My mental instability has resulted in words and actions that do not show that I cherish you. My mind screams "but she won't let me cherish her! She wants nothing to do with me!" ...and instead of building, I tare everything down in abandonment rage. I don't like being me.