As the title states. I need help, I'm genuinely aware of this. However I have no drive to sort it out on my own, nor do I wish to accept help. I'm truly unsure on what to do. I've felt this way for about 4-5 years.

My father lost his life last year and I've recently dropped out off college. I spend most days in bed, I've stopped working out and talking to people. I don't really go outside and see people much anymore either. I've basically given up on health and hygiene, I'm at a dead end and I don't know what to do.

I've been self harm free for several months, and I have no intention to hurt myself anymore. I don't wish to die, however I just want to like.. Vanish? If that makes any sense at all. 

Does anyone who's been in a similar situation to me have any advice on what to do to get out of this situation. It would be greatly appreciated. 

Sorry if this seems like word vomit or it doesn't make a lot of sense. I wrote this late at night while tired.

Thank you for your time if you've read this.