I have been practicing stoicism for about a month.
I have improved my lifestyle, my diet and overall health.

I have come more aware of my surroundings and thoughts and can say I've become a wiser and calmer man.

Today i noticed, after putting a pair of sunglasses on that i have a intoxicated vision of reality which is seeded in my head.

After putting the glasses on i just stared in the distance felt a nostalgic feeling, felt like i was in my childhood again, in my head everything felt like i was breaking the 3rd or 4th (not sure which is the right term) wall in a tv show, like i stopped and talked to a audience, to myself, yet i faced reality and found clarity in my thoughts i felt freedom but just for a glimpse.

And after seconds i was in my regular head always feeling like i am surviving the feeling of constant stress of constant over analyzing everything, in this reality everything needs to be logically correct or it isnt real the constant anxiety and stress from which i  only ever get distracted by doing things that just keep it off temporarily, stuff like going alone to the beach or the gym, listening to music or zoning out, being alone, gaming, pleasuring myself, or going out with friends, but everything fades away the second i get in the car to go home, take the headphones off, the conversation stops, the video ends.

There is a constant voice that yells at me in my head that just yells, improve yourself, be better, get better. 

It will eventually. 

And then i am back in my head.

I feel sick, i dont know how to fix myself, i want help i, need help, i need advice.


I feel like I've overcome depression but yet struggle with the aftermath of it.

I struggled for a year and a half with depression.