I'm very distant with my family but they are good people. A while ago my sister tested me saying that my grandma will get a really risky surgery and it is not looking good, i told her that i will go there tomorrow before the surgery.

I'm lost, i don't really care about my family but it made me feel distustef by my thoughts of not carrying and i feel so guilty. I'm crying rn because I just can't believe that I'm so selfish that even in a moment like this I'm more worried of how is going to affect my almost none existing routine. 


I really need to organize my thoughts before showing there but i can get to it.