Everyday I wake up feeling this way.. I don’t want to live this life anymore, but I don’t want to die either. I think about the circumstances in my life and i realize, we’re only alive for a small amount of time, who decided that we go to school 13+ years then grow up and go to work everyday until we die? I don’t want to work at my job anymore. I’m tired of waking up with my heart pounding out of my chest and sitting at a desk for 8+ hours with my teeth clenched. I’m over it. And not wanting to live this life anymore makes me think if i chose (which realistically speaking, i don’t think i could) to not live this life anymore, i would never see my loved ones that i know in THIS life again. And i just feel stuck. I’ve had these anxious feelings for about a year. Pre-pandemic, i was lucky enough to never really suffer from true anxiety but now I deal with it in some shape or form everyday, be it afraid to answer a phone call, afraid to go to the grocery store alone, afraid to make a DR’s appointment, etc.

I’m tired of living this way, and i don’t know which way is up or truly which way to go. I’m just in constant fear and sadness.