I have so many feelings/emotions/thoughts just swirling around in my brain. 
I have a boyfriend that cares deeply about me and I feel like I am bringing undue drama into his life thanks to my disabilities and family drama bullshit. 
I have my good days, great days and then my really low days. I’m really just suffering right now. I’m in pain, just terrible pain, every day of my life. No break from it. On top of my physical disabilities, I have mental disabilities/disorders and I catch no break from that either. THEN on top of all the crap I have to deal with in my every day life, my family SUCKSSSS. They just cause so much drama in my life that I just don’t need. I hate it.
I’m feeling like if I were to leave this earth, I’d be out of pain, my boyfriend wouldn’t have to deal with my shit anymore and be much better off without me, I wouldn’t have to deal with my brain anymore… I don’t see a life ahead of me. I don’t see a future. And if I do see a future, it’s just filled with pain. I may think of a future with my boyfriend sometimes and think it might be great but then I immediately have a rebuttal saying I’m just going to keep hurting him and bringing him down with my mental crap. 
I’m in such a deep hole right now, I don’t see a way out. 
I do have a therapist and we work on my PTSD and other mental illnesses and I told her I’m not doing well. She offered help but I declined. I don’t want to waste her time. Use her energy to help someone who deserves it. Not me. Ugh.