I just went through DBT manual handout 18 (Values and Priorities), and my results disturb me. I have no value for myself. I wonder if I have any values at all. I have no hope for the future or for myself. All I want is to be nurtured, loved and protected, and avoid emotional and physical pain (everything I was denied in childhood).

I question whether values exist at all. Jon Stewart said  "If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies."

When I look at the world, I can't see that when things get really hard, values are merely hobbies. I think about PoW camps and concentration camps: in desperate situations, we seem to have no values beyond the will to survive at any cost. If values fall apart when push comes to shove, are they really values?

We're supposed to talk about our values in our next DBT session, and I don't know what to do. Should I play the game and keep my mouth shut about all of this? Should I share what I feel and risk derailing the session because of my different perception or because others will be worried about me? I don't want to cause a fuss, but I think and feel what I think and feel.


By the way, here is my list iof values, in no particular order:

1. Be attentive and helpful so people will love and care for me.

2. Try to have close relationships/emotional intimacy with others so I receive affection and love.

3. Not draw attention to myself if there is any chance of risking rejection.

4. Treat others as well as I can so that they will continue to accept me and support me.

5. Take care of those I am responsible for (or are in need) so that I have one less thing to hate myself for.

6. Make sacrifices for others at every opportunity.

All I want from life is to be loved, protected and nurtured and avoid physical and emotional pain.

What should I do? How can I learn to accept myself and feel compassion and love for myself?

How can I learn to value myself simply because I'm alive? How can I learn to love myself?

How can I learn to to stop blaming myself for being alive?

My therapist and I work on these problems a lot, but I don't know what to do. Nothing seems to help.