Example: Spouse just made a comment about he's had less sleep than I have this week. This isn't even close to the truth. I went 3 days in a row where I split a whopping 2 hours of sleep. Thankfully, the next 2 nights I was able to get 5 hrs of sleep one night and 4 hours the next with a nap on each day ranging from 1 1/2 - 3 hrs. 

So out of 5 days, I had 2 that were somewhat normal, but not so much on the others. He on the other hand fell asleep every night between 10 - midnight and didn't wake up till @ 8 am. He also has been napping for 1 - 2 hrs each day. 

I don't know why, but this comment took me from 0 to 10 and I realized that I don't have anyone that I can even rant to, so then my anger switched to intense sadness.  I know rationally that it is petty of course. It's just that so much self hatred comes with knowing that I've pushed all my friends away for one reason or another throughout the years and I stopped getting out there to make new friends. I've pushed away people that I cared about and it's not possible to fix those mistakes. 

Has anyone been able to make close friends and not lose them?  

