Hey guys don't know if y'all do introductions but I'm reaching the end of my rope here and I really need a good community that understands what I'm going through and has people I can talk to in those hours of need.

I was diagnosed with BPD about two years ago, and it's been an absolute nightmare ever since. I've honestly probably had it for all my life if we're being truthful, but most recently has it hit a point of almost no return. Over the last two years I've gained and lost jobs, gained and lost friends, gained and lost girlfriends, and have upset my family to the point that I'm not even invited to gatherings anymore. Everything that I've come to know and love is falling apart right in front of my eyes.

I have these intense moments of abandonment, feeling like nobody cares, feeling like the people who do talk to me are full of empty words, and pleasantries to my face, but then when it comes down to really being there as a friend, they don't deliver. I'm so tired of being misunderstood by people and thinking that I'm this crazy person who is completely irrational and freaks out over nothing. I'm tired of losing people in my life because they don't answer their phone quick enough, or they flake on an obligation, or I feel like they don't actually care about me and then I accuse them of such and then they in turn get mad at me. I hate it all so much. I just want to be better.

About a year ago I was better, things were going okay, I had Friends, a good job, and a girlfriend, and now within the last year I've somehow managed to unravel everything and lose all of that and I just don't know why. I don't know why I say the things I do, or behave the way I do, or think the way I do which then leads to my behaviors. I just want to be normal again, I just want to have a good life, and not be constantly on the edge of something.

Sorry my intro turned into a bit of venting, but I guess I just want to know if anyone else feels that way and what y'all do to get through it. Anyways good to be here hope I meet some good people and we can continue to encourage and support one another.