I’ve done a really good job of finding great friends and supportive people to surround me, who I’m sure would never ever ever tell me “shut up ainslie you’re spiralling over nothing and it’s obnoxious”. BUT I’m still terrified of having people tell me that my issues are too much for them, or they don’t want to hear me freak out about the same situation for the thousandth time, or they think I should just “block, move on, and shut up”. So I spread out my crises, go to each friend only once every few weeks (which, tbh, is probably still too often), and try my best not to unleash the same drama over and over. 

So then I have a shitty week (or two), where I feel sensitive and hideous and alone and SO DESPERATE that I can’t stand it - and I can’t go to them. I can, but I can’t let myself, because it’s too scary to think about pushing them away. There are only so many times someone can say “No, he doesn’t hate you, no, you’re not ugly, yes, people do genuinely like you and want to be around you” before snapping. 

I wish we could all have a giant group chat so I could spiral in peace, but I’m sure it would end with us all only talking about ourselves and our issues, with no actual advice or help 😂

(Also shout out to the people in this group who comment on posts, even if it’s just to say “I get it”. I’m so grateful to this community for giving me a place to go when I feel like I’m going to explode with feelings. You guys are awesome.)