For years, I thought I was a textbook Narc.: self-importance,  need for admiration, lack of empathy, massive fantasies of success and brilliance, impatience, viewing myself as almost Godlike, with other people being either beneficial or worthless, etc. The works.

Last year I met my first FP, the first person I’d ever cared about, and everything changed.

I started feeling worthless, evil, terrible. I started becoming clingy, thinking my FP hated me if she talked to someone for a femtosecond longer than she’d talked to me for. I became impulsive, drinking at work and getting off with people I’d met two hours earlier because I was bored, and hating myself for it afterwards. I was paranoid, thinking my FP could hear what I was thinking; that everyone was only pretending to like me, and trying to make my FP leave me. Suicidal ideation and self harm were a fun ones.

I haven’t seen my FP since last Christmas, and the symptoms haven’t gone away — they’re worse, if anything — but sometimes I still get brief episodes of my old NPD behaviours, and I’m not sure where I belong.

If anyone has any advice, or any experience with anything similar to what I describe that they don’t mind sharing, it would be much appreciated.

Cheers.