Dont read this if youre under 18 please. hi im a 19 yr old addict, ive been depressed for as long as i can remember. For a while i have suicidal thoughts but nothing major ive been in and out of psych wards because luckily i have too loving parents, which im so grateful for but my mum has an auto-immune disease called lupus, this is made me into a hypochondriac, at times i feel like im rotting from the inside ou, i cant breathe, i feel everything go numb and i can feel my heart pumping quicker than ever. Recently ive either not been leaving my room for days and drinking myself to death or im back popping xans i was sober for almost a year, relapsed a week ago. If im not just dwelling in my disgusting rotten room, im out and i wont come home from days at a time cos im too busy putting whatever substances i can in my body. I cant be sober for more than a day, i barely eat. Suicide is now a viable option, ive got a plan set out, im making a 6 song EP called suicide note, Im going to release it and then end it all, i dont want to do this but i feel like its necessary.