I don’t talk to anyone about my life so I’m just venting here. My bpd is ruining my life, I just want it go away but I don’t think it’s possible. I also have a disability, my eyesight is deteriorating over time and there’s a chance I will go blind, i have okay vision now but it’s getting worse. I don’t tell anyone that unless I’m very close to them because it’s just another flaw to me. I still live with my narc mom, she’s the reason I have so many mental issues because she abused me a lot but I love her but she never changes and sometimes I don’t think she loves me at all. When I turned 18 I got some tattoos because I thought I was going to kill myself anyways so I won’t be here to regret them, and even if I did regret them then it would give me more reason to go through with killing myself which is good. I also got them trying to escape who I was, it didn’t work. And now I literally cannot feel good in my skin and don’t feel like myself anymore, but.. we go on. My ex and I broke up because of my splitting and I found out I was pregnant after we broke up and had to go get an abortion on my own and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. My mom acted supportive at first but then she brought it up multiple times to make me feel bad and even said she was gonna phone my dad and tell him so he knows what I’m like even though I barely talk to him and he hates her. I’m only 18, life is brutal.