it's like... woooow... i have so much time now. i don't have to worry now. i'm not stressed anymore. i don't feel anxious or nervous about things that probably haven't happened.

time is the biggest thing though. WHAM, suddenly all the hours in the day belong to me... they're mine. my thoughts are spent on me, not him. 

usually, when i wake up, this is how it goes:

**check phone** - *hmm, his last message was at xx:xx, that means if he wakes up in 8 hours after that point then he'll be awake by xx:xx, so i just have to wait X amount of hours. i wonder if that's when he fell asleep or if that's just when his last message was? i wonder if he's sleeping well. i hope he'd message if he wasn't. hmm, do you think he went out last night? that message was sort of late in the evening after all. and he won't be playing xxxx anymore since his computer broke... what if he got bored and went out? i hope he didn't fuck any girls... i hate those coked up friends of his too, god, it's the weekend after all...* ... **proceeds to panic and live on the edge of a split until he wakes up** 

...i don't need to explain how the rest of the day goes. but it's weird when FP isn't there anymore. my thoughts belong to me again, for a little while. until his replacement appears. until the cycle starts again.