So I've been smoking a fuck ton lately, and i'm realizing that I don't even like doing it, it makes me heavily disassociate and go a little stupid but also it gives me like an escape from my life that also feels kind of nice in a way. It's weird cause I'll just get massive anxiety and can't even communicate properly because I get stuck with super negative thoughts. But it doesn't suck all that much?? I just smoked socially with a group of friends and it's all hitting me now. I was so not fun, more like just there and just completely disconnected. If i'm not in school or studying, i'm smoking. It's the fact that I don't enjoy it that makes me sad. Why am I doing something that doesn't make me happy? I'm really embarrassed because I was just completely disconnected from my friends who I just recently met, and I think it further just disconnects me from the world in general. I really struggle with disassociation, I feel like with weed at least i'm voluntarily doing it to myself, to a stronger extent.