I guess I'm just tired of being hopeful of things and then they never happen or never work out in the end. I'm just tired of being let down by people, life, circumstances. I wish people could tell me that they don't like me upfront, instead of pretending to be my friend. Because when I love someone I love with all of me, all that's left. And all I get in return is betrayal and trust issues. I'm just tired. I'm tired of loving. I'm tired of being me. Sometimes I wish I was somebody else. If life is going to be hard forever then I wish I could know now rather than wasting so much time and energy trying to fix what is beyond repair.

I try to be enthusiastic even when I'm not. Sometimes I just want to say outright that I give up. I'm sick of pretending I care about a lot of things that I don't. I'm sick of trying to care. Because it takes a lot out of me. I'm so optimistic then things just end up getting worse. Life is like a paradox. And the very people who encouraged me to be optimistic just leave me as soon as things go wrong. No one to hug or hold my hand through it all. No shoulder to cry on. I'm an outcast to life, myself and other people. And the worst part is I keep trying expecting to get a different result.


I feel empty yet everyday I feel less of a person, and trying to create something or someone out of me that doesn't exist in the first place just makes me even more exhausted. I'm just tired of being hopeful.