Like I get it. Theres more than me, people want to achieve things, and everyone has their life. I just dont care anymore. No one can stand me. I have a girlfriend but shes so much better than me and I really have nothing going for me. I have no ambitions. I dont want anything. I feel like I'm just surviving to die one day and I'll look back and just not have much noteworthy that I'll remember. Not that I dont do things all the time that are "fun" and "memorable" i just dont feel it.
I hate that I have to take meds just to tolerate myself. Every day is a battle to just f*cking put on a face for everyone I see but I'm burning up. I feel like a time fuse winding down until I split and do some stupid shit and have more to regret. 
I dont even know what to gain from this. 
I just fucking hate this, I actually convinced myself I could handle myself.