Unlike every year, this year I was looking forward to my birthday because my boyfriend offered to spend the weekend with me. However 15 mins before 12AM, he gets a phone call that his grandpa passed away. I just feel very very numb. 

I think my BPD has gotten really really bad this year and since last year. My anger has gotten bad. Things were really good and also really really bad. I just don't know when I'll get rid of this goddamn disorder! 

I am trying hard to not spiral and be all selfish. But, I kinda am. This really sucks that I am all alone with an uncut birthday cake.