I'm calmer than I was, I'm not shaking anymore. I guess this is me venting my feelings to you but not directly to you. I need to get this out somehow, otherwise I might explode. I'm sorry I lied and said I was okay, I'm sure you know I'm not, but if you asked I would've unleashed it all. and I don't want to do that to you. I love you but sometimes, like right now, I hate you. And it's over something so trivial, so fucking small it shouldn't matter. Yet it does. 

I don't care if you were talking to a new friend you made, you could've at least messaged me once and told me before mu shift started. But since you didn't all I can think about is how you love them more, you want them, I'm fucking trash to you. I thought you've loved me for 10 years but this doesn't feel like it. I feel like every receipt you throw away, after you've got what you wanted. Maybe I wouldn't be so mad if you even TRIED to message me at all today after I fell asleep but I woke up to nothing. It reminds me when you told me you wanted to message someone to make me jealous, I almost died then, I know you apologized, you haven't done it since but it sticks in my mind, it makes me feel like my jealousy is a hot commodity to you, does it make you feel wanted? Do you want me to scream and say I hate you? then, when it's done and over with I apologise and tell you how I never want you to leave me, to love me and only me forever? 

I hate your tastes in friends anyways, they're probably fucking trash, you'll probably get a crush on them because they're "nice" to you but I think we both know what they really want, don't we? I wish you'd fucking think for once, it's not that fucking hard. I can't stand you sometimes, cant you just LISTEN to me? fuck I hate this and right now I feel like I'll hate you forever, but let's see what the morning brings