I'm in an unbelievably awful rut ever since I moved into a new house and started a new job. I used to be crazy about being organized and active and clean and now I still do that but with increasingly less frequency and just kind of blow off any serious sort of responsibility. I used to come home every night and cook wonderful meals, and right now things are financially tight so I can't really do that, but then I end up still spending money on fast food way too many times each week instead of eating the soup or mac 'n cheese or other foods I so carefully budgeted to stay financially stable.

I used to be in college and I didn't realize how attached I was to the free schedule. I'm incredibly restless and my mind wanders, so being able to walk around or have free hours was really great for me. Now I work an office job 8-5, five days a week, and I feel like my entire soul has been consumed by it. I can't sleep earlier than 11, I just can't, but then I have to get up at 7 to get ready and it's a terrible fight because I am exhausted and don't want to go. It's not my dream job, it's just something to make money while I try to apply for grad school so I can actually do what I love, so I know some of the apathy comes from that. But it isn't a terrible job. I have enjoyable tasks, stay busy, but it is soul-sucking and I've just been so worn out and depressed since I started. I don't ever feel like cleaning or cooking, and those honestly felt like some of the most constant parts of my incredibly thin sense of identity.

I'm on meds for anxiety and moods that have made my life so much easier. I'm still intense, especially when I get home to my boyfriend and am able to unwind and be myself. Sometimes I just get so silly and crazy because I can finally loosen up, but I know it's annoying. That's really the largest extent of energy I have all day.

I'm not overweight by any means. Last year I was near anorexic thin because I was too anxious to eat, but now taking anxiety meds I don't get so sick eating. Maybe my meds are causing all this, but it's been a year since I started them and I'm only now feeling this way. I'm too scared to come off them. I'm really not ready for that.

Does anyone here fit exercise and healthy eating in their schedule? If so, how? Does it help? I can't help but think that maybe a long jog would help my mind, but it all seems like a time suck. Going to work, then an automatic two hours exercising and cooking, then doing homework for my night class, then going to bed early. I hate it! I also will be like, oh I'm going to exercise now to make my life better! And then after two days I realize how much work it will take me to get my desired results and I flake out.

Beyond exercise and healthy eating, how do you guys discipline yourself to do things you may not want to do but that are good for you? How do you get motivation? I think too much about how unhappy I am for being lazy and procrastinating and I've made so many new schedules and to-do lists and plans to change and I can't! I go on the motivation/fitness subreddits to see if there are any tips, but it's mostly, you can only do it if you really want to, etc. I really WANT to (I obsess over it), but I can never stick with it. 