It's been a rough journey for me, but I'm very slowly coming back to being a normal person. I did some truly insane things while psychotic -- fled the country, starved myself, made my delusions very public, etc. I was taking more than the maximum recommended dose of olanzapine at one point. Huge doses of Haldol at other points. Nine hospitalizations. I would lie to doctors so that I'd get out of the hospital quicker. I stopped taking my meds several times and relapsed every single time. Lost two jobs, lost a lot of friends, lost my independence.

Today is very different. I've been stable on a low dose of Latuda (40 mg) for 1.5 years. I haven't had a single psychotic episode this entire time. I work full-time and make a great salary. I'm working toward a promotion. But things are still far from perfect -- still dealing with residual negative symptoms and anxiety, but they've slowly become more manageable with time.

My doctor was shocked at how quickly I went from being severely psychotic and manic to being employed full-time. It wasn't easy. I forced myself to adopt healthy habits, exercised every single day to burn myself out, and reflected very deeply on my thoughts. I "thought my way out of" psychosis. I recognized delusions as delusions. The hallucinations weren't real. I realized I just lost it, and I had to figure out a way to come back. It wasn't easy. For about a year I was very worried about becoming psychotic again, but that never happened. Today it's not much of a concern.

I'm still not sure what caused all of this, but I've been able to put the worst of it behind me. I know I'll be on meds for a while, but that doesn't bother me. The side effects are minor compared to the destruction that psychosis can cause.

My next goal is to hit two years of stability. My long-term goal is to be stable without antipsychotics. Is it possible? I'm not sure, but I have hope.