I have narcissistic mother who is verbally harsh, cold sister and absent father.
I have friends but not very close enough to discuss my family and mental health issues with.
 I am doing extremely bad in college,I have no friends there either.
I have no money.
Nothing from the past 3 years is going good. If any it keeps worsening.
I tried to hold it in but I can't anymore.
I get too overwhelmed at small things and my family definitely isn't helping.

I want to die but I am not decided yet on how I want to die.
I want a reason to live until then.
Please do not give reasons like it will get better,or there are good days ahead. 
It simply doesn't do anything to me anymore.

I do not care if things get better or I have good days ahead.
I have lost faith in god too.

I just need a single reason to hold on.
It can be anything stupid but I don't want it to be in  a future tense.

Can you suggest me what can I hold on to that is in present tense?

I have absolutely no person or thing I love.