So I’m 19 years old, i and self dependent
I work 
I go to school 
I do what I need to do 
But I can’t help feel that something is missing, and that I’m sort of having an identity crisis.
Over the past year my friendships have strained because I overthink that I’m not being a good friend because I’m hanging out with one friend more than the other. 
I feel like I put to much shit on me that I shouldn’t but it’s almost like I can’t control it. 
Like I’ll be in class at my collage and just drift off into negative thought nothing self harming or harming to others, just negative like in the sense that I’m a bad friend or 
I don’t have the mentality to make it in this world 
Or i get kind of paranoid in public thinking about what other people are thinking abt me 
I should note that my family has a history of mental illness my mom heard voices and was diagnosed with the good old schizo my dad has social anxiety 
I’ve talked to my mom about it, and her expirence and compared it to mine, but they don’t add up thankfully 
Just more of 1 week I’m ok than the next week I’ve fallen down again. 
I hate talking to friends now because I feel like my who stigma is abt my mental health and how I’m struggling with it and I overthink that that is my personality to people and I hate it. 
Any suggestions on what I should do. I know talking to a therpaist is a good idea but the availability is so strained cause I feel like everyone is talking to a therapist these days