The only months I lived in happiness and without (as much) anxiety were the ones I lived abroad. I was getting along with my family just fine (it turns out the problem is being together 100% of the time), I actually had friends (i didn't know that was possible), I had plans to do every day and I didn't hate life. Anxiety still existed but only one panic attack in 6 months, which was so good.

Now, Ive been home for almost 6 months and life has been awful. I dont have anything to do, couldn't find a summer job and well, I dont have friends. My overthinking and anxiety attacks are back, I cant breathe, Im constantly fighting with someone, I hate my life.

I just want to go away, but Ive sent 24 applications to jobs abroad and no one is accepting me, for some reason I dont know. My CV isn't perfect, but I speak a lot of languages and Ive volunteered a lot. I should have at least one organization interested in me, but I dont. I dont want to stay home, I want to work abroad, its all I want, I dont even care in what country.

I just need to get out of here, I dont know how, but I need it.