I'm scared of myself, I have tried so hard to just repress my anger. And it's gotten so bad the last couple of years; especially, in the morning time. I don't know why I'm so mean, I hate myself for it. I ponder of all of the ways I wrong people. My girlfriend loves me and I very very rarely have "tantrums" around her. I've never insulted her (or said anything with the intent to hurt her intentionally atleast) but I do at times say things in a snappy tone without really realizing I do it. But once I hear how I hurt her in her voice I try my hardest to reprimand my wrongs by showering her with complements (which works sometimes) but my main concern with my anger is at home with my family. Jesus I'm a fucking time bomb. If anyone asks to do anything that would empend or disrupt what I'm doing I fucking freak. (Not like throwing things at people or breaking stuff) but I yell, and as a adolescent male with a full build it can be intimidating. When I say yell I don't mean raise my voice, I fucking scream full diaphragm. It's gotten really bad the past few days because life is just stressful. I'm not going to go into a rant but LSS: Breaker went out about four days ago, so my room has no electric, I'm poor so I I have any real material possessions that cost more than like 20$ besides my bed and phone. It's winter and I live in a trailer. The only outlet I can use to charge my phone is on the dryer and every where else has so many people I have like 0 privacy. So when I'm on the phone I have to sit on the dryer, it's rlly cold in my room (like 10-15 degrees) and I don't have anywhere else to sleep so I usually sleep on the dryer and during the morning I'll head into my room to lay. This morning I was so tired I went into my room and slept through the cold until like 2pm. But not only that the same breaker also connects to a few diff parts of the "house" so the lights in the living room and kitchen don't work and a few of the outlets in there don't as well. We couldn't afford car payments so they took our only means of transportation. My grades are at an all time low with all F's (I'm a junior and usually average out at a 3.5 Gpa, I have a 1 I believe) I don't go to school and when people try to make me I lash out. The last time it happened my mother insulted me for 15 minutes straight and then came back later to ask me "what's wrong, what happened? You can talk to me" in which I broke down crying, and for the first time in a very, very, long time she tried to show me affirmation and I just couldn't handle it and out of impulse said "back off!". I immediately started apologizing and asked for a moment alone. (For a little context, 70% of my trauma comes from her and the things/people she put me around) so in a way I feel justified to be angry. But she's old now (near 48) and If I could legally I'd move out. She always tells me how much she wishes I wasn't around but all the times I tried to leave (I had a ride to TN to live with a friend) she started sobbing begging me to stay. I just want to be calm but I constantly feel like I'm being insulted (which usually I am haha) but the times I'm not and I realize I feel like an absolute ass for getting upset. Or I'm so stressed that Im not even here (disassociation ) and usually when I disassociate I'm very distant but quite tranquil (from a second hand perspective). I just want to be normal. 

Tl;dr: Explosive 16 year old in poverty, family hates me and I'm in a pretty tough life position. (Vent)