I'm 40, history of anxiety.  Health is absolutely my trigger.  And if it's work or family, then stress eventually manifests itself in some way as a health worry.  I've had stomach pains that coincide with stressful seasons in life going back to my teenage years, and in the past, temporary use of PPI drugs make the issues go away.  With COVID and an uptick in alcohol, the cramping and sour stomach came back.  It's under control now, and I'm 90 days free of alcohol (yay!) but my gastroenterologist suggested it's best just to see what's going on in case my stomach flares up again, so we have information.  So I'm scheduled for an upper endoscopy and colonoscopy.

I am observing myself call family members and friends trying to convince them I feel fine now, so I should just put off the procedure.  In truth, I am afraid of going under and I am ruminating about what they will find.  I am very fearful of the pictures they may show me of my insides.  I had a bad experience last year where a routine scan of my hip lead to an "incidental finding" that took me down an entire rabbit hole that turned out to just be nothing at all.  Medicine and technology is great, but for people with anxiety it can be a true rollercoaster ride that is hard to navigate.  I need support to be brave and get this done, since if there are beginnings of something bad, they can address it early and I will feel much better knowing.
How can I force my mind to live beyond this?  When I get like this, I stop making plans until after the event, and it becomes this black hole.  I'm even scared that someone here will post a reply about the procedure going fine and they caught something early.  Like a random Internet post will have some influence on the odds of me finding a health issue with my colon.  But that's my reality.  I'm laughing a little bit about how ridiculous that is.  This helps to write.