Two days ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder NOS. My psychiatrist also confirmed my ADHD as well as Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My doctor was already treating the ADHD, but he thought the anxiety was a big symptom (which is common with ADHD). It’s official though- I have 3 co-morbidities. My psych prescribed me with 10mg of Ritalin for the ADHD (I‘ve just come off of Adderall, not very effective I noticed after a while), 10mg of Escitalopram for the GAD (Also just came off of Effexor which I plateaud hard on), and 250mg of Divalproex for the Bipolar NOS. I ‘m NOS because I don‘t fit the tradition cycles on bipolar and I also don‘t experience much depression outside of my menstrual cycle. The mania comes out as irritability and anger. I’m very reactive and can explode when plans go off course. 

The reason I saw a psych (something I tried to do at the beginning but got lazy with becuase I was getting treatment anyway) is because I recently got in a screaming match at a bar with some women I thought were friends. They probably thought we were friends too, but we don’t really talk now. They were quick to write me off as crazy. I hate that word. But they don’t care about mental health like other friends of mine so I figure they don‘t understand the struggles people who do care go through- if that makes sense. 

In my experience, not knowing can be good and bad. Good because you figure lots of people go through similar stuff and maybe it’s an off day. Bad because not everything can be explained as an off day. Knowing is good and bad too. Good because you‘re another step further into your own self-awareness and you can become more compassionate and forgiving to others and yourself. So many good reasons to knowing. Bad because fuck sometimes you just wish you didnt need a name for it to make sense. 

I’m Bipolar. That’s not a bad thing at all. One of my best friends is Bipolar II and I’m one of the people she told when she suspected it. I’ve been with her through a lot of it. It’s a lot though when you find out for yourself. 

Having a mood disorder is different than having something like ADHD that has so much to do with processing and function. The GAD isn’t that much of a surprise. 

I don’t want anyone reading this to be offended- I guess I just needed to vent in a space that might understand the initial stage of this stuff. I’m a little overwhelmed and appreciate spaces of the internet like this because mental health can be such a lonely journey. Have a great weekend &lt;3