I've felt very depressed and sad for years.

But those years kinda feel nostalgic now.

Tbh, i do fetishize the past alot.
It always seems better in my memory then it exactly was.

But still those years of depression seem pretty great to me now. 
I thought i felt numb and felt nothing but sad.
But feeling sad just means you feel alive.

Right now I'm just a zombie.
I don't feel anything.
It's boring.
I don't feel depressed, i don't feel happy. I feel bored and numb.

I know that people normally think the feeling depressed is feeling nothing. 
But i think i mean something else.
I feel like if you take alot of antipsychotics, i really don't feel any emotions. 
They are still there, but i can't feel them, i just notice the effects these emotions have on my body and my mood.

But i feel like you could kill my loved once Infront of me and i would still barely feel nothing.

Feeling depressed actually seems like grate to me.

But maybe my interpretation of depression is just wrong...