I have been going through some big changes in life recently, just got a new job, went back on medication etc

My past is really blowing up in my face right now, the drug use, the eradict behaviour, neglecting myself and my family, I’m pretty much constantly ruminating in the past.

I feel like such a piece of shit for not appreciating my family, for not appreciating their presence, and the help they could have gave me. I just look back on what a gift those times were, all the warning signs and help people were trying to give me. And nothing was good enough for me. 

This was now around 2008, so 13 years ago. I’m just wondering if anyone has had similar experiences, and any advice? I’m also wondering if abstinence from drugs will help. I haven’t used for a few days and am starting to feel better…

Thanks 🙏