This is kind of embarrassing to talk about and hard to explain but here goes.

Does anyone else tell themselves that they’re doing things the way their FP would want, but in reality deep down know that they’re misrepresenting their FP’s ideals?

Not sure if that makes sense, I’ll try again.

My partner is a fantastic supportive person. Sometimes I will shirk and act like I’m supposed to be ashamed of something innocuous I’ve done to appease him as though he’s a big asshole. But he’s not. He wouldn’t want me to feel shame. It’s like I’m making up an imaginary version of him to abuse myself or something. And convincing myself I’m doing everything for that person, so it’s love. But it’s not the real him. The real him is kind and loving.

Is this a BPD thing or is this something else that’s comorbid. I really want to stop there’s something super cruel about it. But I have trouble noticing I’m doing it in the moment. Im trying to get better ❤️‍🩹