The last great year of my life was 2006. I was 16, in 11th grade and was totally unaware of my mental problems. You see, back then I was in love and I was loved. I was the center of attention...the class clown in high school. Everywhere I went, I was treated like royalty to an extent. I was the funny man, the brave man, the bad boyesque badass who was known though out his high school for his school pranks, moxey, and fearless attitude.

To this date, I have never topped my supposed peak. It was all downhill from then on. I'm aging poorly. I have no friends left. I am nothing anymore. I was like a one it wonder whose peak was erased by the unforgiving hand of time. I cannot bear to listen to music from that time or have any reminders, it stings and hurts far too much. 

Anyone have similar feelings? Pre diagnosis, I think we all had a time where we were ignorant of who we really were. We probably once felt totally unstoppable. But then it all comes apart as we get older and all of our cheap support systems fall apart like a house of cards.

When I was young, I was able to carry on like a normal person because I had this intricate web of support systems from people I manipulated. I was a pro at it. I had all the fake attention and love in the world but today I am left with nothing but nostalgia of the person and time that once was. Every now and then I feel that deep stinging touch of nostalgia...