I've been dating a guy for a few months now. I wanted it to be just dates and if it ever grew to be something more than that's fine. After a while he started talking about me meeting his mom and friends and it scared me because it's too fast. Don't get me wrong, I really like the guy and it was so much fun and he was nice to be around but meeting parents is just what you do in a relationship you know. And I know myself and know that when I have a relationship I get too clingy and want more and more attention. After a while I just got attached to him and started opening up to the idea of meeting his family, but as you can guess I also got too clingy and things started to annoy me. Like, he would always talk to me and suddenly he talked less to me, I saw him less and the way he communicates is very weird to me. He doesn't answer questions properly but asks me a question back, even to "when and where" questions. I felt like I should distance myself to avoid these feelings but after that I thought I should try the Dear Man method. So I told him how I felt, that I like to see him more and that I wished he communicated more clearly.


Now after I said that he just responded with "well no one ever has problems with how I communicate, all my friends and I do it this way and I don't want a relationship anyway". That got to me, not because he doesn't want a relationship, but that he uses that as an excuse for his behavior. Like everything I said just didn't matter because he doesn't want to be in a relationship? I told him I don't care about being in a relationship but that I expect from everyone to communicate properly. 


After that conversation he asked if I still wanted to hang out and I wanted to say no because I was hurt. But I said yes, because I know I probably feel this way cause of my bpd. We had that talk on monday and it's friday now and I actually haven't spoken to him outside of setting up a date. I used to talk to him everyday and it was so fun but now I just don't know what to say. Like, the magic we had, it's just gone. I wanted to have a bit more distance between us because I started to get too attached, but now there is like this massive distance and I don't actually feel anything and am not even looking forward to seeing him. But I want to, I want some middle ground where I can just enjoy his company again while not being too attached, just like when we met. 


I feel really bad because I know it's a bpd thing and I find it so hard to change. I'm thinking of how I can possibly start a conversation but I feel like he will think I'm annoying or something. That thought makes me feel worse; sad, anxious, angry. Sometimes towards him because his choice of words made me split on him, but mostly towards myself. And every emotion triggers another. The thought that I lost yet another person due to my own actions, even if it was sticking up for myself, makes me really sad.