**a little abt me** just to help you guys help me decide how i'm actually gonna be and which way i'm taking, I hope you take a moment and read through bcz this is very important to me and i'll appreciate it a lot 

29 years old with a job i kinda like, living with my gf with whom i share same issues with anxiety,  
i've been an experimental person, tried almost everything that can alter a personality, a lot of drugs which i quit without any pressure, just bcz they didn't help, antidepressants, years of therapy, meditation, workout, watch diet, quit smoking, running, you get the point, the whole package.  
all of that for a main reason, my social anxiety which prevents me of enjoying a lot of things i like, like my job, my relationship and even going out.

  
people seem to like me a lot and tend to tell me that very often, i get a lot of random comments on how bright my aura shines and how good i look, yet i don't believe that deep inside, at all, i feel the exact opposite

I enjoy being alone more than anything and have a ton of things i love to do and i'm passionate about, very often i find myself thinking of giving up on social life even tho i'm very interested in people and like to be around them and it's fun from time to time and then i'm in a good mood and feel very good about myself till my social anxiety kicks in once, one single time and thows me out of whack for months to recover, i get suicidal thoughts as well and then i try to tell myself, if people are the cause of this then hell with that i'll stick to myself only,

**Now to the question :**

  
should i just build that wall and stop trying to care about any social activities even when i'm very sure this will have bad impacts at some point in the future and will be a problem in my carrier if i stop trying? but i could have some piece of mind at least?

Thx for making it till here,  
love!