So I don’t have many friends, and truly no female friends who I feel totally “at ease” with. I don’t usually crave a romantic relationship but today I do. I’ve done nothing but binge and purge all day long. I watched a few episodes of westworld but it’s truly just been binging and purging alone in the apartment and I feel incredibly alone. I want someone to comfort me and hold me, someone who is not a normal friend or my family. I hooked up with a male friend last week who talked to me about “how he’ll get me some food” and how he’d make sure I’d eat it and it was very sweet.
I think I’m craving that kind of care and I hate it because I can’t fucking get it from anyone right now.
I want affection from only a specific few men and I’m not sure if this is loneliness, neediness or what. I usually don’t feel like I need people