this is just me venting bc im currently at my boyfriends house and he is sound asleep while im here *TW:Self Harm* scratching my wrists with objects i find around his room just to feel a little pain, bc my mind is racing i feel like the pain is the only thing that would take my mind away from these thoughts, i had such a good day today i spent it with my family and boyfriend laughing and eating and then boom 12am and im hit with this wave of sadness its like i forgot what it was like to even be happy an hour ago ughhhh whilst crying and sniffling i start to think does my bf even love me? how is he sleeping thru this? is he pretending? how am i gonna explain the welts on my arms tmrw? i can already imagine him being devestated bc i didnt wake him up and its making me feel even more shitty/sad i cant take this anymore i feel like i cant hve one fucking easy day