i’m just looking for advice on how to deal with the issues that come with this. please don’t accuse me of not trying or of not being understanding, i have been trying everything i can think of for years.

long story short, i’m dying. i don’t know why. i was perfectly healthy a year ago, then i couldn’t walk without passing out or eat without vomiting. i have several diagnoses (which my brother and SIL believe to be made up or believe i’m being dramatic about).

just getting out of bed every day is hard. my dad is an addict who just fell off the wagon. my mom and i are struggling to make ends meet and raise my younger brother. every day is so hard, yet we still try to be there for my brother and SIL and their kids, without ever involving them in our problems or asking for anything. we help them whenever they ask, help them move, plan their birthday parties or baby showers, buy whatever they need, and just try to spend time with them on their terms.

somehow, it’s never good enough. every couple of months my SIL will send these big long messages about how it’s “obvious” we don’t care about them, how we don’t make an effort with them, that she wants to just take the kids and leave so we never see any of them again, and that our whole family are “pieces of shit”.

are we perfect? absolutely not. my dads had his addictions for most of my life and the rest of us have made mistakes too. but we do everything we can to be the “normal” family she wants and to “make an effort” as she says. either way, no matter how i respond to these messages she sends *i’m* in the wrong and it just makes things worse. if i don’t respond, that makes things worse too. 

**someone please tell me an appropriate way to deal with these situations without escalating them????????** 
i genuinely don’t know what to do anymore and *my* mental health is obliterated at this point.