I feel so alone. Everyday has become a battle. I remember it wasn’t this bad but it seems as I’m aging I’m 25 now which I don’t know feels like a lifetime for me, it’s getting harder finding any type of joy in life. I recently moved out to a depressing city away from my mom with a roommate thinking this is what I needed. I’ve never felt so alone and depressed and so out of my body. 

I feel as I’m watching myself from a different set of eyes going through life. I can’t keep myself occupied. I’m constantly bored and feeling lonely. I feel so numb. I want to die so badly. Feeling suicidal but don’t have the guts to do it. I hate this disorder so much. I don’t know who I am or how to act. I feel so uncomfortable. I want to be gone. 

All I do on my free time is obsess over about having BPD. Do people with mental disorders actually have a chance in happiness ? 

I’m only getting bitter and numb from here on.