CW / TW: mention of sh, mention of past suicide attempts, bpd episode and panic attack 

I just can't believe it. I didn't attempt and I didn't sh????

I had a panic attack and a anxiety break down in like half an hour wtffff I felt so many things and bro it was over such a stupid trigger. I had all this mental breakdown because my "mother" looked angry at me before going out bRO IT TRIGGERED THE SHIT OUT OF ME, I NEVER CRIED SO MUCH???

It was so hard but I still wanted to live, I want to live, for myself, for my sister, I need to be alive, I need to get better. After all of this I still love myself anyways?? Like a few months behind I would literally hate myself so much and definitely attempt to unlive myself but right now I'm just like "yeah it happens, anyways-" I'm so proud of myself??? 

I think that I'm getting better everyday and it isn't just a "super happy" moment, I'm actually getting better on living with my bpd, it wasn't that bad, it wasn't that hard, I just can't believe it???? I'm not even medicated??? HOW DID I DO THAT???

sorry for any English errors and stuff BUT I'M SO EXCITED LIKE WHATT