It's been a few days since I found out about my diagnosis, I'm hard to make cry but every night since then i've been sobbing myself to sleep. I'm not sure how to put it into words correctly but it's just like I always thoughts my issues in communication and feeling so distant from my true self, were all just a direct result from being young and inexperienced, I thought I could figure these things out soon. I never thought it would be part of a whole illness itself. I just feel like everything is so permanent and severe now.

The only thing I've ever really wanted was to have truly meaningful relationships with people and mos importantly to LOVE MYSELF and feel satisfied with who I am but now i'm afraid even just that is unreachable. 

like I said i'm not sure how to express it correctly but i've just been  feeling a lot of pain and emptiness and hopelessness. it's really all I want and i don't think i can live much longer without getting it. i would genuinely appreciate any reassurance as long as its true and honest