I really wanna put "live" in quotes because it feels like I really don't do anything. And I don't mean anything significant. I don't mean I work a job and come home and browse my phone until I go to bed.

I do *nothing.* I wake up, I do nothing, I go to bed.

I'm taken care of by my family. I wanted to do so much. I can't find the motivation, the care, the energy, sometimes even the desire to do anything.

My brain is so fucked I sometimes can't comprehend basic sentences when spoken verbally and can't remember appointments, can't recall doctor's names, I'm 22 and the only things I can remember are traumatic because of how much I overthink them.

I can't even make progress in figuring out what's going on or how to treat it because I can barely keep track of my own symptoms, tests that have been done, medical records, every time I go into the doctor it feels like the first time I've ever seen them and I can never get past the surface layer symptoms.

I can handle difficult. But I can't even *try* to get better. I barely even exist.

I wanted to do so much.