I see no quit from my situation, like I have to live with this feeling forever, I dont know even if Im asking for help or I just want to spit it out. I would just like to know what do you think about this, what should I do.  Im 17 years old, and I had a friend (girl), I knew her since I was born, we were living in one apartment block, so we spent every day together, for 12 years. Because of this team, we had really good friendship, she even said once that Im like her younger brother. After these 12 years I had to move out, not far away, but of course we were meeting rarier, talking rarier, everything was going broke. It wasnt that bad as it is now, but compared to old times it what shit. We had a stupid situation, our friend texted her that Im into her, which is true of course, but I didnt wanted to let her know this way, so I wrote to her asap, that Im sorry, but its true. She didnt wanted to talk about, probably because she'd has to reject me, and she didnt want it. I didnt want to talk about it that much, so I broke off contact. We havent talked, called or texted for 3 years. After this team (half year ago from now) I called her, I said that I would like to talk about it. She said okay, but now she's not home. I feel like now she didnt really care about this situation, she moved on, and it was long time ago so. But I wanted to make all things clear anyway, I know we will never be friends again, but I just wanted to tell her all the truth. I texted her 7 times for a meet, but she always had an excuse. So I gave up. And here we are now. The problem is, I miss her so much, I think about her everyday, although I have seen her since 3 years, and I dont think I ever will. I will never meet a girl like her. These memories, when we were best friends as childrens are killing me. I remember her less every day, but I will never forget her. And this is vicious circle, I will never meet her, and never forget her. Memories are killing me, but I want to remember her, because there is no human which could make me feel that strong feeling as she makes. So, what can I do? I really see no exit from that. Little things like games or gym helps me, but only for few hours, there is always time for her in my head unfortunately (or not).. I dont know, this is crazy, I'd just like to know what you think about it. It hurts so fucking much, when most important person in your life, person who you were a brother for, rejects you and doesnt want to see you anymore just because you are fucking idiot. Now I really feel what I had and what I lost, everything. Thank you for reading that.