"I recently found out that I have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) I don't want to take the time to explain every detail, so please just google what it is if you don't know.


I have a loving BF, been going strong for a while despite my constant mistrust, and intense emotions. He's been there to help me, and support me since day one.


But tonight, I need to make a rant about him.


He knows what triggers me, he knows how blinded by emotion I get, and it's hard to distinguish whats justified and what is not because I feel everything so intensely, and everything feels real and validated to me.


He didn't talk to me for seven hours today.


Sounds dumb right.


Not to someone who has BPD and is in a relationship. Not to someone who is just now finding out what is going on in their mind, and new to working these issues out.


I tried distracting myself, playing video games, sleeping. Hoping that when I woke up, there would be a text, or he would call to wake me up.


Instead, I ended up sending him a message and he responds with, "Oh sorry! Thought I messaged back"
Oh you thought you messaged back when that was around 2PM? And now its 9PM?


You didn't think not hearing from me was odd? You think that I would just not message you back for 7 hours?


He KNOWS that not taking to me for prolonged hours (with some exceptions) triggers me (god I hate saying it but its true).


My head starts to rush, I get anxiety, my chest tightens, I start to think he doesn't really love me, he's just using me, I'm an afterthought, that's why he didn't message or call.


This isn't logical, and it's so hard to push that aside and remain calm.


But at this point, I feel like I am fighting this by myself when he knows what triggers me and he makes no effort to try and avoid it, or help me work on it.


I feel like I'm being abandoned, but maybe that's just my BPD again.


I'm trapped in a spiral of negative emotions and thoughts about myself, and him. It's like having a thousand voices screaming at you.


I just want to be loved, but I'm worried about being left.
BF I love you, so fucking much. But fuck you for knowing these things, and not even giving a shit. I may come from a world of black and white, but I have never believed that forgiveness is better than asking for permission.


You can apologize all you want. The real apology will be in your actions. I've been trying, when will you?"

Does anyone have some advice for dealing with something that has really triggered you?