I don't really know anymore how to keep going on in my life. Having no job since december my savings are basically at point zero and non existing anymore. I'm writing applications all day but got only 4 responses so far over all these months and still there is no one that wants someone like me that is useless that people told to finish school to find jobs and start a live and all i got now is that i have to live with my parents which told me already that they will kick me out at somepoint on the streets because i'm not trying enough in their eyes and that i'm a failure for leaving my old job. Right now i'm doing some side jobs that could get me in problems with the state but i have to somehow earn money otherwise i can't survive in this world. Prison would be probably the best place for me like my mom told me. Another problem is since i have no money i can't go to doctors or any health related facilities since i can't pay for anything. The last current problem is my grandpa we were worried about him since last year already and now he is back in the hospital and trying to run away probably suffering from dementia and is just slowly dying away. Why is life always kicking my ass back to ground zero when i had just 5 good minutes after years. I just wanna be able to live like a human being that has a normal job a normal family with no fights that has money to even pay for bread or pay for the health services but i'm not. There is no hope in my eyes that anything will turn to the better after all these shit years already. I just wanna be free from problems that i shouldn't have to deal with i wanns get rid of everything at all costs. I'm just a lost cause that will neverbe able again to live a normal life like others.

Sorry for the long rant about my life