Hello everyone! This is my first post in this subreddit. 

I am a 20 year old female with crippling tomophobia, the fear of medical procedures.

It started in my childhood and has progressively gotten much, much worse as I entered adulthood. At this point in my life, I am 2 physicals behind, 3 vaccines behind, I haven't submitted a urinalysis in 8 years and I have yet to see a gyno. I recently skipped a colonoscopy. I have no need for a lecture. I understand the importance of my physical health. I worry about it constantly, so please do not add to my stress. I know it is bad which is why I am here. 

The feelings I have are not mimicked in the sense that I can't watch the procedures happen. I have shown up to doctor's and gyno and procedural appointments with friends and been perfectly fine. In fact, I find it fascinating! I love medicine. But when it comes to my body, I refuse to submit myself to that vulnerable place. 

I can describe the feeling as being violated, and I find the procedures invasive. Some of the procedures I cannot or refuse to participate in include urinalyses, colonoscopies, gynecological exams, physicals, blood tests, vaccinations, and putting on hospital gowns. The concept of being in a vulnerable place in front of this authority figure (the doctor) makes me panic and makes me feel angry and helpless. 

The panic sensations are intense. I cry, scream, run away, yell, and give serious attitude. I become enraged and frustrated by the situation and eventually, as I became an adult, began to avoid it all together. When I am forced into one of these situations, I will need time to recover. When I say time, I mean weeks. I will feel disgusting, gross, violated, helpless, and worthless. I will not speak to anyone, I will not get my work done, I will not show up to work. I will cry, sit and stare at the wall numb. I consider it traumatizing. 

I have made an appointment with a psychologist to begin working on ways to combat this debilitating phobia. I hope to see some progress within the coming year, but it's hard to be optimistic about something that causes me so much pain. 

I was wondering if anyone else has similar experiences, tips, advice, symptoms, or phobias that they would be comfortable sharing. Thank you guys so much!