I am really struggling with flare ups of such intense emotional pain, I don’t even know how to explain it. It makes me want to be knocked out so I can’t feel it anymore. I am craving being held by someone but a.) it is lockdown and b.) I dont have anyone in my life who could do that anyway. 

I am also struggling because I feel like I cannot self soothe when I feel like this. The only thing that helps is if I manage to fall asleep, but this means I am sleeping all of my days and my evenings outside of work.

If I tell a friend I spent my day sleeping they always say what a great day that sounds like, but I don’t want to spend my day trying to be unconscious so I can shut out pain.

I have started to decrease my antidepressants but I think I am going to have to go back up to full dose again. No diagnosis of BPD but want to speak to my doctor about it just in case, and I find this reddit helpful even if I do not have BPD.