I used to be suicidal Ive attempted suicide 3 times 2 serious 1 not as close to death. But as of now I'm not as suicidal anymore, I want death I'm depressed as hell I don't enjoy a second of my day I wake up in a place where the joy leaves me as soon as I wake up. But i can't attempt suicide again I don't have it in me anymore and I miss It. I wanna be able to put the gun to my head and pull the trigger and not just put the gun away every night til the next night comes.
I need death but I can't gift myself it, so it always feels like I'm failing myself