lately my mental health isn't great. anniversary of losing my parent right around the corner. health isn't fantastic. lockdown is getting to me. 

then my bf's ex gf reached out to him. he always used to tell me how stunning she was. how he was proud that he had got a girl like her. it all made me so insecure. I told him I didn't like them talking so much. he got annoyed. told his family and friend how I'd got "paranoid" about it all. I hate hearing negative comments about myself, I hate hearing them from others too. It's made me kinda hate myself. I feel like a bad person for feeling insecure about this.

I go quiet, he tells me to stop acting weird and to just be normal. I tell him how I feel he tells me to stop stressing and be happy. I don't know what to do. 

I love him so much, when things are good I feel so happy and hopeful. But if I'm struggling things just fall apart. He comes to me to relax and have fun, when I'm sad I ruin that for him.