I'll just be going through my day, normally, a lot of times in a pretty good mood and then it drops SO FAST that I can feel a physical impact in my chest and stomach. Like I'm happy and hopeful and then BOOM empty, ashamed, disgusted, devastated but I don't even know why I'm devastated it's just the feeling. Sometimes it goes away within a few seconds and sometimes it'll last for days. I just don't get it. I have a lot of skills for handling bpd to the point where I sometimes question if I even have it anymore but oof. It happens on the flip side too, I'll be having a bad day and then it's like getting struck by lightning all of the sudden I'm so excited for no reason and start reinventing my identity and even colors seem brighter like the world just drastically improves. Same thing, usually goes away within a few minutes to a few days.

It's exhausting.