I was recently let go from a toxic internship where my boss was not very nice and I struggled with stomach issues from anxiety. I’d message people asking if my boss was there, out of hope that they wouldn’t be. (Yea it was bad).

Now I’m back in the mind zone where I’m scared I’ll be fired again and usually for ridiculous things. It also doesn’t help, that where I sit at my work, is near the directors office. Let’s just say he talks very loud, and I can hear everything. By everything, I hear people getting fired, money getting lost, people getting in trouble. Basically it makes me feel very uncomfortable and not really wanting to work there. 

I’ve also developed this fear that I am going to get fired because there’s a language barrier between my boss and I. Basically what I’ve realized is that the language barrier comes into play when my boss is explaining difficult technical tasks to me. What I’ve also realized is that when they describe the task to me it’s usually way more complicated sounding than it actually is when you figure it out. My fear is that I’m going to get fired because my boss thinks I’m stupid because I have to repeatedly go to them and ask them to explain a specific task over and over again because they didn’t explain it correctly or well or whatever. 

I just really hate living in the state of constant fear of something. sometimes it feels like I am so used to being in a fearful state, that I’ve become comfortable with having some kind of fear in my life.

I started going back to therapy this past late spring. The only issue is that my therapist is kind of weird in the sense that we spend the bulk of the time with her kind of going off tangents talking about her life and her stories regarding her life that someone sort of relate to my issues. I feel like my problems with having ADD and anxiety or not really tackled because we talk about things like her cats and car accidents that she’s gotten into. 

Wondering if anyone has dealt with anything similar. Excuse my ranting.