Hi.. please be gentle with me as I’m very anxious about this situation and don’t wanna get yelled at even more than I’m already doing to myself in my own head. 

So I have epilepsy and I’ve thankfully only had 1 seizure 5 years ago and it’s controlled with my meds. I’ve been super depressed the last few years after the loss of my boyfriend, close friend and now 2 weeks ago- my dad died. 

Part of last year there was a long period when I didn’t take my medication because I was too depressed. I haven’t seen my neurologist now in 2.5 years because I am terrified he will be angry with me. I am taking my medication now- the pills I never took before. Granted they’re a bit expired but that’s all I can do right now. I am completely overwhelmed after my dad died and even more anxious. I made an appointment twice to see my neurologist but keep canceling because I am TERRIFIED he will be mean, list me as non compliant (which I’m not I was just depressed and stopped taking my meds) or that he’ll kick me out and not want to be my doctor. 

I don’t have anyone IRL I can tell this to cause I’m scared of being judged or yelled at. 

I need to go visit him to get my RX refilled but I know he’s gonna be like “why the hell haven’t you gotten these refilled for 2.5 years?!?” 

Has anyone dealt with this? I am beyond terrified. Even after writing this my stomach is getting upset. Has anyone been through this? How do I handle this? I am terrified of what he’ll say/do to me when I go. I need to get the courage to make an appointment and just go but I’m too scared to face him.  I probably sound so stupid. Ugh.