Panic Attack

It happened at an instant

My eyes feel the effect first

Moving rapidly to every direction

Trying to find something that makes sense

My hands go to my head

Grasping my hair

Holding on for dear life

&amp;#x200B;

I feel my rate rate next

Going at a speed i can’t explain

Feeling like my heart is about to jump out

I call my only friend

She doesn't pick up

That’s probably good

She needs her sleep

She has class tomorrow too

I call my mom

She doesn't answer either

That's probably good

She has work

&amp;#x200B;

I pick up the knife

I don’t really want to live

I need to end it

But my hand won’t move

&amp;#x200B;

Instead I go for the xanax

I pour out 10 pills

I see them in my hand

I want to end it

But I only take 2

&amp;#x200B;

I want to drink

I want to smoke

I want to not feel this

&amp;#x200B;

Waiting for the xanax to kick in

I put on music

I move around my room furiously

Trying to hold in the tears I refuse to let out

Thinking what am I living for?

&amp;#x200B;

I look down at my wrists

I see the tattoos for my parents

I look in my drawer

I see the photo of me and my favorite person

I remember what I’m living for

&amp;#x200B;

The xanax kicks in

The panic fades

My mind stops racing

But is filled with ideas

&amp;#x200B;

I get my computer at 3 am

I don't care that I have a midterm the next day

I need to use this post panic attack creativity

&amp;#x200B;

I start writing

Trying to describe the pain

Unable to make it rhyme

&amp;#x200B;

I write my truth

I finish the poem

All panic gone

And I try to fall asleep