It’s been a wild 8 months!

I had been a CNA for around 5 months and during one of my shifts on May 3rd, I threw up. I thought it was because I was dehydrated, took a breather and trucked on. The next shift (May 5th) it happened again, twice. At that point doc visit was scheduled. To make a long story short, we thought it was a stomach/GI issue until around August. I had to quit being a CNA because I started barfing before every shift. My mom mentioned it could be anxiety, but I had done a mental health/ ADHD test thing with a neuropsychologist and he only said I had something called adjustment disorder, which idk if I believe his description just sounded like normal feelings, but yeah. I also was not in a great state of mind looking back, because I probably should have entertained the idea of anxiety. But I thought I had done my due diligence in seeing if it was that, even besides the doctor but I had convinced myself it wasn’t anxiety 100%


I got a job at Cracker Barrel temporarily in the beginning of August thinking I could handle it but towards the end of August I start uncontrollably barfing every morning I had to work or go to school (forgot to mention I just re enrolled, I’m 21). This didn’t get fully handled until about three weeks ago. Had to quit school and Cracker Barrel was very kind and kept me as an employee just to let them know when I’m better. This was nice but part time hours weren’t much so I mainly door dashed and thankfully had family help, but not having an income and going from being 100% self sufficient to what felt like barely being able to function was definitely rough.I for sure hit my bottom during this barfing stretch from end of august until the middle of November. It went on for probably an extra two months because in my state, marijuana is legal. I started using it as a way to chill out after work in March, which was when I stopped training and went on my own as a CNA. ER and walk in docs had me convinced it was the weed that was causing it. I stopped for a month and a half, probably visiting walk ins and ERs between 18-20 times because I literally could not stop puking unless I got usually a shot of Phenergan, but in the ER the drugs varied but usually worked eventually. One even refused to give me the phenergan shot because apparently you can become dependent to it. That sort of stung because I was still throwing up in her office. So she prescribed $400 suppositories. I could only afford two. The reason I kept getting the shot was because I would throw up a tablet before it could do anything. This specific doctor was one of the last I had to see, but yeah. I felt a little insulted idk what euphoric feeling she was talking about it just made me stop puking and a little drowsy. But I guess that’s besides the point. 


 Just so you can understand a little better, the best way I can describe my specific situation is that it felt like part of my brain was cut off from the rest and I could not control it. I could have perfectly happy thoughts while barfing and usually always very calm, but that part I can’t control just kept sitting there whispering in the back of my brain. Only happens when I am uncontrollably barfing. 


One ER visit I finally broke down and just bawled in front of the doctor. He was really nice and I talked to a counselor and finally got some help. Therapy was a huge help for me. She really made me feel validated and that I wasn’t going crazy. She even mentioned how I described the brain thing that she had learned something similar in one of her graduate classes. That comment was probably a turning point looking back as it really helped me understand it a bit better after talking it through with her and hearing what she had to say. Took two tries with medication though, but finally on something that seems to be working. I got a full time job at the hospital I was a CNA at as a floor secretary!I just started and I’m making a good chunk more than when I was even a CNA, and finally things are getting back in order. I also love the job! 


There’s a bit more detail to my story, but I just wanted to share the gist of it. I visited this sub a lot and reading your stories really helped me get though, so I wanted to give back and share my own. It really does get better.

Edit: I couldn’t really find a place to sneak this in and I forgot about it 😅 but I’m also very thankful for my boyfriend who drove me several times and picked up prescriptions. He also had to deal with my very loud hurls for more mornings than he ever deserved lol. He’s a real champ ♥️

Edit 2: added some stuff for clarity :)


Edit 3: I COMPLETELY forgot during one particularly bad morning after I had started meds I called the suicide prevention helpline. I didn’t have those types of feelings ever, I just needed someone to talk to and talk to me she did. That helpline really helped me get through that morning and get some strength along with it. 100% recommend for anxiety attacks and things like that too.