I do love you.
I think the worst part about it is that no matter what I do, you will  always feel this way.
I want so badly for us both to be happy together.
It just feels like I’m trying harder than you all of the time. 
You feel the weight of your illness and you say it’s like a job or responsibility in itself. I know more about this responsibility than you give me credit for.
I let you leave the tv on even though you know I can’t sleep through it.
I care for you when you wake up with panic attacks. I hold you and rub your back when I have to work in two hours on no sleep.
I feel more than you think. It’s thick in the air sometimes noisy like static. We all bear it differently.
I manage everything because I can. Because I will.
I do it because it provides you some relief even if it’s not what I want.
I know it’s not your fault you feel this way but it’s not always easy justifying the fact that your feelings are always more urgent than mine or the fact that I will forever pay for everything because you can’t hold a job.
I want to be reciprocated, I want us to lift each other up.
You don’t think about how hard it is always caring for someone else and knowing that their sadness will rarely allow them to show up for you.
I don’t bring it up because I know all it does is make you feel worse.
I don’t want you to be alone but I also feel like I deserve to be happy with someone who contributes to my happiness. 
How do you help someone without the will to help themselves? I cant make you happy and it breaks my heart.