I can't take this anymore. I want back the life that my mental disorders took away from me. I've got OCD and BDD, as well as depression associated to them. I take medication. It's not enough. I still hate what I see every time I look in the mirror. I still obsess over the numerous mean things I did in my teen years and now with the Cancel culture it's worse than ever ever. I seek reassurance over everything all the time. I'm stuck into a home and hate every inch of my existence. I want to be a good person, I want to feel beautiful and loved. Growing up with internalised homophobia was one of the worst things to ever happen to me, cause I wanted to kill myself for 3 years (ages 13-16). Then my obsessions took over. And I did bad things. Disgusting things. That's probably the right feeling. I may have to go through this to pay for my actions. I really want to go back in time and undo everything I have done. I want a friend right now. To hang out with. To feel enough, I'm tired of my mental illnesses.