At first I was happy that I could finally put a name to what's wrong with me. But now I feel like complete and utter shit. I'm scared. I'm depressed. I'm impulsive and jump into relationships and used to self-harm and there is so much wrong with me I don't know what even is the point of it all. Who am I without this disorder? Would I be a totally different person? What if I can't get better? I really am a monster.

On top of that I think I just lost a very good friend and one of the most amazing people I've ever met... so I feel twice as shitty. I just don't know if I can deal with this. Sorry for rambling.