For the past couple months, I've been experiencing really bad work anxiety, which seems to only be getting worse and manifesting itself in different forms. 

Luckily, this hasn't been an issue every work day, but has manifested itself more times than I'd like. But it's still causing dread and fear of going into work.

The anxiety is all coming from fear of mistakes. Part of me wants to go into specifics, but I'm not sure I can due to what I do. However, as an example for something that happened today, I had to confirm some numbers on a shipment being sent out. Literally the easiest task. It's just checking what the first person did. Even this simple task became a mild to high anxiety episode. I found myself comparing the numbers three to six times each just to make sure they were right. And as I'm comparing them, I have to immediately reread because I would feel like I was going too fast so maybe I was reading them wrong, which leads to reading again and on repeat. I think some of them I must have checked over ten times. And while I'm doing this my stress is increasing. 

I find myself being afraid of doing tasks I've already done before without problems because my brain develops newer "what if" scenarios that create such strong feelings of panic I feel like I have to confess to a lead or manager about potential mistakes. 

There is one time last month I did a false confession. I logically had the correct count of inventory and also the physical count, but then suddenly developed a "what if" scenario where I believed that something had been thrown out. Later in the day when I was alone, I spent time going through the garbage which luckily wasn't that full, but still incredibly insane nonetheless, and separated everything out, going through small pieces of stuff one by one to make sure the item wasn't in there. Then I even looked under the clear plastic inside the bin. Then even under the bin. I did this whole process almost twice. The first time I didn't take everything out so I didn't feel it was complete enough. I went in the next morning and did the full search. Then I confessed to my lead that I was worried something did get thrown in because the feeling was so powerful I couldn't shake it. Of course, nothing was found and I felt stupid but also relieved at the same time because of the confession.

Now I'm just getting so frustrated because these things keep happening to me and I have no idea why. I keep having these "what if" episodes. Every time I get past one I think that will be the worst one and nothing like that will ever happen again. But then it does in a different way. I'm so sick of feeling this way. I'm so tired of the "guilt" that doesn't seem reasonable. I'm tired of never having any joy or relief and carrying this around all the time. I feel like the most unstable person in the world, and I don't know how things got like this. I never had these problems growing up although I have struggled with scrupulosity and other things of that type. 

I am in the process of seeing a counselor. I admit I had called last week and had a referral through my employer, but when I called the counselor's office they said they needed paperwork. Then I kinda got lazy and just didn't call back the referral company. My toilet also overflowed last week too, covering the whole bathroom floor and partially the carpet in the hallway and closets, so I just felt like I couldn't be bothered after dealing with that mess, causing more anxiety and stress. But I did manage to call them back and get them to forward the information. So hopefully I can get that confirmed and see someone about this. In the meantime, I've got no one so just had to throw this out there.