It’s pathetic. I (22M) just feel so lonely right now, so unloved. I just desperately want someone to hold me tightly and feel like I mean something to someone for a change. But I’ve got no one at all. It’s weak and pathetic, I’m an adult, I’m a 6 foot tall fucking man, I go to the gym, I’m supposed to be be strong. I should be fine on my own but all I can think about is how desperately I want to be held, to have someone run their fingers over my scars and kiss them so I feel like they still love me anyway.

But I also know I can’t have it, not just because having it would mean admitting I’m weak enough to need it but also because I’ve been in love once before and it was the worst experience I’ve ever had. I fell in love with my best friend, she was the only person who ever made me feel loved and cared about with no strings attached or hidden expectations from me. She was amazing and I still love her with every fibre of my being but I knew she didn’t feel the same way and my dumb ass got drunk and told her anyway. Now because of that and my other actions we don’t really talk much anymore. I lost her and I don’t want to lose someone I love that much ever again. 

I can’t have relationships anyway, they’d all be a disaster for everyone involved and I know that so I have to abstain. But I still just feel so pathetically, disgustingly lonely.