I don't want to do this any more. None of it. I don't want to get better and then what, I become a productive member of society until I'm old?

I don't think we're ill. I think society is sick. I think a lot of people struggling are sane as fuck, we just live in a time where so many things are taken for granted, at face value, that are at fundamental odds with human nature.

I don't want to do therapy. I don't want to "get better".

I want to sleep. All of this nonsense, all of this bullshit, all of the fucking arguing and politics and opinions, all of the things that make life what it is disgust me. Humanity is a failed experiment by a retarded god at best.

Nothing brings me joy, I've had a full life, I've done things that if I told you about them, you wouldn't believe them. I've fucked a few thousand times, I've invented things that are still in use in ports on 5 continents, I did it all. It's all downhill from here.

It's never going to be as good as it was. I'm never going to be that in love again. And I fucked it up.

A life without love, that's unbearable. All my friends buying houses, raising kids, and I have no idea where next months rent is coming from.

I have nothing to eat and I can't fucking function. I'm trying my best and my best is pretty fucking shit.

I know I'm ill. Maybe I'll get pilled up and "fixed". But I don't believe that, and I don't trust it.

I think that maybe, maybe, I'm not nuts. The way we're doing shit is off.

And I just want someone to hug me or watch a movie with me and I don't give a fuck about sex.

Hold my hand. But no one will because they're busy.

Call it weak, call it pathetic, I don't give a fuck.