Im 20 … I have been struggling with mental health issues for the past 4 years, and this past year was the absolute worse. Every time i think i’ve hit rock bottom, days come to show that there is yet a deeper hole.

I wish i could just pause my life, do absolutely nothing ,talk to no one and just lay down and stare at a wall for eternity.

College is such a nightmare, Im currently a 3rd year computer engineering student…it is so much pressure, and i’m at a point were i cant back down because i’ve already made it this far, but i physically and mentally CANT do anything… like actually can’t, and i have no idea what to do.
To make matters worse, I have zero friends, and when i say zero, i mean ZERO and that’s because of my stupid social anxiety that i cant seem to get over no matter how hard I try. 

When i think about my life I feel like there is absolutely no reason for me to feel this way, from the outside everything seems perfect; no family issues, no trauma, haven’t experienced the loss of a loved one, middle/upper-middle class income, my dad pays for everything so money is not an issue, i go to one of the best universities, i always get anything I need… etc
LITERALLY NOTHING is wrong with my life, but i dont know why I feel so depressed and miserable and just…so tired of existing.

I feel so ashamed to say that, i honestly don’t deserve any of it…people out there have actual problems and hardships ,may god help them and ease their pains…
and then there is me. 
I HATE IT i feel so guilty for everything.

Sometimes i just feel like i need a hug or someone that i could talk to about things, but i don’t have that.



anyways, sorry for boring you with this stupid post, i just needed to vent to someone but didn’t know who to talk to. 

stay safe