 

Crossposting from r/advice

I am mid-life (30s) adult who has overall had a successful life. My career is doing well, I have housing, etc. However, I live in constant fear that someday my past mistakes will catch up with me. That someone from my past will "reveal" my misdeeds to an employer or friends and everything will come crashing down.

In my younger years, I was problematic. I said problematic things and believed problematic things. I was not always the most honest person. However, with therapy and growth I have become a better person. I hold myself to a high level of integrity. However, I constantly live in fear of being "outted" as a person who has not always been this good in the past. The anxiety is destroying me every day.

Part of it, I think, is that I constantly watch people fall from grace on social media or in the news and we never hear from them again? Everyone I know who is the center of some scandal always loses everything and it feels like there is never redemption... and I guess that frightens me. I feel like every day, I wake up, waiting for someone from my past to "out me" and for the world to come crashing down.

Its gotten to the point where I am in meetings and only think to myself "all of this is going to end someday because, soon, someone is gonna tell the world about who you used to be."

Sorry to ramble... I just feel... lost and hope that someone else has dealt with this or has advice.