hi (: im sorry for bothering you, but im having a really bad time rn. things that was under covered turned my present problems even worse to deal with, to the point ive lost 2 semesters of college, came back to live with my mother, and i was left with few people outside my family to trust and bond a nice friendship where i can be myself. i only said all of this because lately ive been putting myself in emotional danger rather than physical, like i was used to, i feel the need to cry my eyes out. and i have just realized what i was doing: i texted my ex gf to say that i still have feelings for her, and then i texted my ex bf to say the same thing. and i really do still have feelings for them but i felt like i was doing that only to got dumped by both and have something to put me out of the numbness i got into the last year. i also have been watching movies, tv shows, reading books about people that left others. i finish watching normal people in one day and i was in tears when i went to sleep. i dont know what kind of meltdown is this, i just wanted to relate to someone bc i literally dont have any fucking idea of what should i do with my life, it seems that i got it all so wrong and that i made the worst decisions that a person could possibly make. i feel so fucking alone my entire life and i watching this repeatedly occurs year by year. i dont even want to kill myself anymore, i just so depth into pain that now i need to reach out the last piece of humanity that was left in me, even if its through sorrow

sorry for my english its not my first language. anyway, i just wanted to know if someone can relate to this situation. i want that someone give me a sweet pair of words, it would be enough ): im sorry