Long story short I went to an event last week in another state where I only knew one person. I was really anxious about it but thought it would be a good thing to do. I arrived at the event and my friend was already way too drunk and went missing almost immediately. Since there was an open bar, I decided to get some liquid courage to speak to people and network. Naturally I ended up getting blackout drunk. 

My last memory at the event is doing a shot at the bar with a dude I'd met. I then have a flash of getting onto a coach (the hosts hired them) when the event ended and a couple of girls looking at me. Then looking out of the coach window for a while and listening to music. My next memory is walking around the city around 6am, going into a cafe, trying to order a coffee but I was too drunk, two police officers who were eating there then helped me order and laughed at how drunk I was (they were nice about it). I then got an Uber back to my hotel. 

My anxiety is going CRAZY about those 2-3 hours I can't remember. I'm imagining all sorts of terrible things I might've done. I've been blackout drunk a few times before, I am completely non-violent and quiet, normally just like to walk around. Which I'm guessing is what I did. But I'm struggling because normally I'd have a friend to tell me what happened and that nothing's wrong. In this case I feel so isolated and alone, I have no one to reach out to, I'm still anxious about it even though it's been more than a week. My mind won't stop playing all the terrible things that I might've done, did I get violent at the event, did I scare the girls on the coach or make them uncomfortable or assault them, did I get violent while walking around the city. I had a HUGE panic attack the day after in my hotel room where I could hear my heartbeat in my ears and thought the hotel was on fire because of how hot I was. It lasted about 5-6 hours until it was finally time for me to leave for the airport. I'm in constant fear that the police are going to break my door down for some kind of crime I've committed. I've just spent 3 hours googling about prison conditions in the state I was in. 

I know in all likelihood I was just the drunk, apologetic idiot like I usually am. And if I had caused any issues I'd have a message from the organizers telling me about it or would've woken up in a police cell or hospital. How can I stop thinking about this?