A sad existence is that of mine. Watching my family die off, one by one. Watching my mother suffer from increasingly worse dementia. Feeling the burning hate and loathing from my father.

All my life i have just heard how selfish i am, just for asking for help, a bit of compasion maybe. Right now me waking up in a little pool of my blood and piss seems easyer than reaching out. After especialy hard night of sh i feel like i'm gonna fall apart, literaly.

I.. I just don't know what to do anymore, all lights are gone, and there is nothing but gaping maw waiting to swallow me, and i might just walk in, whats there to lose? Who can i fail even more? There is noone who will miss me, for all my loved ones are gone.

Tell me, what is there for me to do, to ease this pain? Please tell me?