Yesterday I was in a state of utter grim and hopeless despair that I think most here are familiar with.
It got to a point where I was screaming and ripping out my hair after I had cut open my wrists.
Thankfully someone called the police and both the police and ambulance staff were lovely.
However after I got to the hospital I was treated with utter contempt by the nurse working for the 'crisis team'.
I was in a bad state and she was asking me a lot of questions and I said 'why does it matter' by about her fifth question because I wasn't in the right headspace to give her my whole life story.
I explained in great detail how trapped I felt, how hard it was to find a suicide method that works and badly I want to die.
She said I was being noncompliant and 'irritable' because I was not answering all her questions.
Like sorry, but I was just screaming for help and pulling out my hair, if I say I don't feel like going over my whole fucking miserable life story right now surely she can respect that?
I started getting very upset again and she wanted to kick me out of the hospital.
What i really really don't understand is how someone who specifically works for a 'crisis team' can be so fucking clueless and incompetent when they are meant to be trained SPECIFICALLY to deal with a mental health crisis.
The police and even my neighbors showed a thousand percent more empathy than that woman showed me.
I'm guessing she saw I had bpd in my notes and then immediately thought I was being dramatic.
Why can't people understand that when pw bpd act in that manner it's not because we fucking enjoy it or are attention seeking, it's that we are in a huge amount of psychological distress.