Obviously ill go to an actual psychologist at some point to get a diagnosis. But I’ve been having a lot of symptoms of BPD especially anger and idk how to cope with it. 

My dad defs has anger issues. He used to call me an idiot and get mad over the smallest things. It had an effect on me for sure and my self esteem is rlly low. 

Even today I was eating ice cream in my bed and he was like “is this how you live your life?” In an accusatory tone. I blew up at him. I’m 21 years old how tf does it effect him if I eat ice cream in my bed. He always treats me like garbage and I’ve had enough abuse. I blew up and ended up saying he’s a terrible father and he should have never had me. I’m feeling remorse now because I know he’s depressed and lately he’s realized he’s not a great father. He’s gotten slightly better but I think we are all flawed and he’s never gonna be perfect. But it’s hard being treated like that all the time. 

I’ve been having a lot of outbursts since I started a new job in retail. I’m not naturally outgoing and it seems like all the other workers are all ahead of me in terms of social skills. Even the ones who are years younger than me. It’s super depressing. I’m so quiet when talking to customers and feel the need to ask my supervisors about every little thin and I can feel them getting annoyed at me. I can’t help it that’s how my brain works, throughout my life I was always criticizing over the smallest thing so I wanna make sure I’m not messing up.

When we I come home from work I blow up over the smallest things. My mom took my fan out of my room while I was at work and I started screaming at her. Especially since we are in the middle of the heat wave I got upset. It felt like she stole it from me but she just borrowed it while I was at work. Nonetheless, I was freaking livid. 

I’m having trouble controlling my anger recently. I’ve been trying to cut myself less and it feel like now instead of taking my anger out on myself I’m doing it to other people.