i dont know how to start. I guess you could say im one that carries alot around and cannot let go. maybe i have some pride issues and a little bad luck. anyway... the way i feel and see one particular women, my ex of 6 years ago, haunts me alot. and she wont talk to me anymore and im seeking closure and clarification on issues that creep on me daily. i cant forget it or make peace with it. i was at therapists, i had medications. i was even in another longterm relationship since then, but even that sweet girl i couldnt love anymore. and thats why she turned away ultimatley, because since my ex im just... numb...  the last break up was civil, understanding and done with mutual respect, but of course im still sad. 
i have my fair share of issues and im in contact with exit, an assisted suicide organisation (since 2 years now). 
even tho my ex blocked me on all channels, but i still hope i can resolve my issues with her, since those are the ones i cant make peace with. the sweet girl that left me recently even said i have ptsd of some sorts... my ex seemed to damage me alot, i dont blame her mostly, i just wanted to talk it out with her so i can move on...
anyway i hope this drunken moaing doesnt bother anyone, when i started typing i thought i could make coherent...