No matter what I do, I cant stop feelin very abandoned. I never get the reactions I want and I live on wondering if I'll ever be happy, especially when I do and its not what Id thought it'd be. I get attached to people and feel like I drag them down with how much of their attention I demand. I know Im in my head, but its the weird meta-thinking that's got me spilling out the seams. I literally have to have the thought of "what if I meet the one" or "what if they're the one" to function. I'm distraught when those possibilities are confirmed as "not true" and then become so close to nuking what Ive worked so hard on. This happens most often with friends and I feel guilty that I force the platonic into a romantic hypothetical, and then get my feelings hurt later down the line. 

I wish the nights were longer so I can justify being so haywired.