I guess I just want to know if anyone else has experienced something like this because I haven’t seen it posted anywhere and I think that makes my fear worse. I’ll try to keep this short although I feel like there are many different pieces to this. 

My anxiety has given me this fear of going insane or being completely out of control of my own thoughts. I feel like I can’t control what I’m thinking (which I thing is a common feeling for people with anxiety).  After going through several periods of disorder fears such as fear of schizophrenia, OCD, etc. I went through many different checks in my mind to see if I was experiencing these illnesses, seeing if I had symptoms.  These would come and go as I found that I did not have them or they no longer caused me anxiety, until my mind landed on counting. 

Basically I thought “what if I counted every commercial, every song, every etc.” I guess I decided that if I were to count these that would not be normal and that would mean I am crazy. Or if I couldn’t stop counting then I am out of control of my mind, what if I Never stop counting. Naturally the fear drives me to keep thinking about this and then I count. In trying my hardest not to count I can’t keep it from entering my mind and it gives me so much anxiety to feel like I have no control over this. Basically the higher number I get to the more I worry because I suppose I’ve given myself some arbitrary value that I should not get to because a normal person would not count that high. The counting is almost like intrusive thoughts, except instead of something disturbing- it is counting. 

I have seen two therapists for this, still seeing one of them. One believed that this was OCD, and the other did not because this doesn’t really fit OCD. I don’t really feel like this fits OCD either as I am not counting for relief. I feel like it’s easy to say OCD because counting is often attributed to it.  

These thoughts are basically 24/7 and it is giving me panic attacks, I constantly think, why can’t I just not count? I am constantly over thinking this and how I should be handling the thoughts. Maybe I need to allow myself to just count if the thoughts are popping into my head? Maybe I need to allow it to happen until I’m bored of it, but when I do it I get so much anxiety because I feel like I am trapped with this thought so instead I try to lose count. I’m trapped thinking this strange thought and I feel like I have lost control. I never stop thinking about it, so of course the counting is happening, but why can’t I stop thinking about it. 

I would love to hear if Anyone has experienced Anything like this because feeling alone just makes me feel that much more insane.  By the way, this happened to me for months about 3 years ago until it suddenly went away and I had a very happy and normal 3 years. Now it is suddenly back but worse. There have been recent stressors that may have contributed to this.