I feel I am out of control, my doctors (pcp, therapist, psychiatrist) can't diagnose me or agree on a diagnosis, all while I suffer. My mind is not acting right but I don't feel believed. I wouldn't be surprised if my medications were sugar pills. (My psychiatrist prescribed me lamotrigine for MDD)

I feel like I am paranoid, they call it hyper-vigilant. Though my therapist told me I've been manic. I don't know what to think. I don't know if I can keep waiting while my health is debated, while I have no real answers. all I know is THIS, what I am experiencing NOW, is NOT depression, and not PTSD. My mind is swirling, I have so much energy (when I don't have autoimmune flare issues), I laugh for no reason, I dance nonstop in my apartment, I want to wander out in the streets, sell all my things and go live in the woods. 

I have denied having any mental illness for 10+ years, but now that my autoimmune disease is starting to come under control these symptoms are escalating and no one seems to be helping me and I've become somewhat more self-aware. I also consistently think I am faking everything that is going on, I second guess every thought I have almost, I feel like my mind is not on this planet, I have thought so many times I should check into the ER, I've even looked for some kind of in patient or partial in patient program to help me but there's nothing available in my area.

Whatever, maybe I will just go live in the woods. I'll get the same amount of help that way anyways.