I was a pretty big homebody before the pandemic. The last few years didn’t have much of an effect on me. I’ve also gone through a lot a huge life changes. Still didn’t really cause much of an issue for me. Lately though I’ve been having panic attacks and horrible anxiety. It’s been so bad that I’ve been disassociating making the panic attacks even more severe because I feel like I’m losing grip on reality.

The biggest trigger is thinking about the last 3 years. A lot has happened and it’s causing me to spiral out of control feeling like I’m losing the last of my youth to the pandemic. I’m about to be 28 and have basically been in my apartment working the last 3 years. I have no social life anymore. I feel stuck as I moved back to my hometown to be closer to my family during the pandemic. I hate it here but I can’t move without finding a new job and an affordable apartment. I’ve come to the realization that I’ve basically lived my 20s for everyone but myself. I always put my goals on hold to make others happy. Sometimes I feel like George Bailey in Its a Wonderful Life. I don’t want to keep putting my life on hold but anytime I talk about finally achieving my goals, my family basically tells me it’s too late. I have my first therapy appointment next week but I guess maybe I just needed to rant about this because I have nobody to genuinely listen to me.