I pretty much burned the bridges with every friendship i've ever had.

I'm a 32yo male and I only have 3.5 people I can consider friends offline and. 1 Person online.

The 0.5 is from this lady in my friends circle. She is a yoga teacher and acts like she has all the answers and is extremely condescending. She'll always tell me to do all kinds of alt medicine crap and when I say it doesn't work she'll be like "well you won't get better unless you actually want to get better"

Problem is my other friends are also into that stuff so they just go along with it. They all like her and she's kinda their leader. I can't just ditch them all though cos then I'd have zero friends and overall they are good and I like them.

But every day I find myself seething when I'm around this person. I have another friend who kinda gets me, she is an empath and an HSP but not borderline. So basically she is like me but is able to control herself doesn't explode I guess

On friday I snapped and texted her about the 0.5 lady and how I can't stand her and she didnt reply. Thing they been good friends for a long time and I'm new in the group only a few months in so I'm much more likely to be kicked out so I gotta be more careful and smart about this.

I always lose all my friends and this is a decent bunch overall so I want to not screw it up. If I speak my mind about everyone I would literally have zero friends and ime that has been much worse.

I'm already worried that my empath friend wont talk to me anymore cos of what I said about the 0.5 lady cos she hasn't texted me since. Why do you think she didn't? Though I have been wrong about her not wanting to be my friend anymore before so just gonna try to play it cool.

Though I did freak out yesterday over a girl who rejected me and texted my other friend who is also in this group (he is a male) and pretty much said I am going to end my life, though later i calmed down and said I just had a bad day and hopefully he is okay. That's the second time I sent a message to him like that. And like i said I only been in this group for a few months. Problem is you can only say that so many times before people don't want to be your friend anymore but when I say it I genuinely feel that way.

Been reading about how the prognosis for BPD isn't so good and lot of us end up checking out on our own. So I'm a bit worried about the future of my life, though frankly not really surprised.