For the past 4 years I have been paying someone to unblock me 2, 3, 4 times a week, only to be blocked again in a few days. 

This has totaled up to OVER $20,000. 

I can't hold a job. I've done many illegal things to get this money to pay this person to unblock me. 

Then I don't keep any of my promises, lose control of my emotions, harass them and blame them for everything, and start coming up with how to get the next $100 I'll have to send them before I'm even blocked.

I am fucking sick. I don't know what to do. I don't know who to tell. And most importantly I don't want to keep hurting this person. I am so ashamed. And scared because i know that at any moment my mind is going to switch back into obsessive mode and try to act like I'm the victim here, when I am clearly the one harassing him.