A throwaway account for obvious reasons. This will be a bit long, so please bear with it, but I really, really need advice whether this is really my fault and if this truly was BPD, or my boyfriend is extremely abusive to me.

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So first of all, I am female, 21, and he is male, 29. We live apart, I live with my parents still. Recently my parents divorced and my family has been utterly ruined, my father (whom I no longer view as my father) did despicable things and greatly endangered my life during one of the scandals where he almost beat the heck out of me. He is a chronic alcoholic and he is the reason why the whole family is ruined. He even brags to his friends about the fact that he tried to beat the shit out of his own child, which is just out of this world. But, either way, me life is an absolute mess and I am struggling extremely right now to survive.

Me and my boyfriend are in a relationship for 2 years now and for the second time during our relationship, he has turned his back on me in the most horrible and lowest moments of my life. I suffer from BPD, but it is not as harsh and I can manage to live with it well enough. 

Today he deeply hurt me and absolutely killed me emotionally with his behavior and ended up calling me sick and telling me cruel things that I should go and seek professional help, etc. But, since I have no one else to turn to about this, I am coming here to reddit to tell what happened and how it lead to him doing that, because I seriously need advice and I really need to understand whether it is truly me and my BPD, or if he is an abusive partner and whether I should end the relationship or not.

For the last two weeks as all the huge issues have unraveled at home and my life has been miserable (just like the last time a year ago), he seemed to get less and less supportive towards me, eventually it ended up to him barely being there for me and not really caring and just being too 'busy' and whenever something would happen at home (a fight, a scandal or else) he would say nothing but just throw me some kisses via the text and that's all. Like, the worse things are getting for me at home, the more he seems to become distant, while I am being loving and caring towards him and doing my best to be able to be like that and not turn away from him. He would barely ask me if I am well, or say anything much other than "I am sorry you have to go through this" and that's all. While I completely understand that what is happening in my life and my pain and suffering could be affecting him as well and he could feel some of the pain I am going through, I am not sure whether that's really a reason for a partner to turn away from me and be so unsupportive.

Today he barely cared at all, he barely talked to me all day long and all of a sudden he decided to go to sleep early today at 9pm (usually we both go to sleep around midnight) and I was surprised at first but I was fine with it and we said our goodnight wishes and stopped talking. Well, it turned out he was lying to me about going to sleep and he did that to stop communicating and to do something for 2 more hours. I found out of this because I had messaged him some things about what happened to me while he was asleep, and he responded to me and it eventually turned out he was not sleeping and just told me off that he is busy.

I was immediately alarmed that something might be wrong because of his lies. I asked him what is he doing and he was being extremely secretive, sketchy and defensive against me asking anything about it. While I only wanted and inquired what was he up to and if he's even at home, he began telling me off in rude ways and making a huge drama out of it. I got really frustrated and hurt by the way he kept telling me off and scolding me and I told him that I feel really abandoned by him and that I don't understand if he is behaving like this because I have somehow disappointed him or done something or if the whole mess with my life is affecting him too? I also said that being busy shouldn't mean that he should barely care about his loved one and that while I fully undestand that he cannot be there for me at all times, his support has been almost non existent lately and today it makes me feel really lonely.

He began telling me to stop it. That he is busy and that I should stop behaving like that. I asked him to please stop viewing my behavior in a negative way as he always does (he tends to take anything I say when I try to tell him how I feel that I am either being annoying or nagging him). And I asked once more "can you please tell me what are you doing" And he told me off. I asked if he's even at home, he said yes, and I once more asked then what is going on and he just told me to stop it, that I am behaving bad, that I am behaving inadequately.

I couldn't bear with his harsh words and started crying and it escalated and I told him how hurt I was by his behavior and words and he just began saying that I should calm down and stop behaving like that. That I should stop now or he will be rough with me. That I should stop ruining his regime (whenever he is disappointed with me he always alienates me from himself and begins talking only about him and implying that I am ruining his stuff).

I couldn't help by this point and bear with his behaviour recently, and it got the the best of me and I told him that he is selfish and that he cares only about himself, and as soon as I disappoint him in smallest of ways that he just alienates me and kills me emotionally for it. To that he said "That's it. You got the best of me. Hope that you are happy for making me regret my life choices." and that he will take time off from me because he cannot bear with my "inadequacy" and that I should not expect him to talk to me about anything else but work (we share a business together).

This is when my BPD kicked in and I wept and started begging him to not do that and calling him. I begged and pleaded for him to please not turn his back on me and that I won't be able to bear with all that is happening in my life and not having a family left and now having him turn away from me as well. To that he literally started calling me sick, saying that I need help, that I should let him sleep, and I should better seek professional attention for my own sanity. That what I do is horrible and sick. That just abolutely killed me and I told him just how could he be that cruel and say such things to me and in such a merciless way, and the conversation eventually ended cause he threatened me that he needs to sleep and I should stop texting.

I am at an extreme loss right now, and for the sake of mentioning it I must admit that he is a diagnosed narcissist and a sociopath, and I really, really need advice as to how to proceed with this and whether I am truly at fault here and if I am really this absolutely sick person, as he says I am.

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I am sorry for this being so long...

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