Hello everyone,   
I have had trouble with something for a while and I don't really know who to turn to or how to go about finding some resolution. I have battled for a long time with depression and sometimes seeing a point to life. I won't get make this post any longer than it needs to be but I guess I struggled to figure out certain key aspects in my life. What to do with my life, where to live, what I see in my future and who I might spend it with. I would generally describe myself as more of an introvert but I can socalise and interact with people when I need to even though it can feel physically exhausted.   


While a number of those things I mentioned do contribute to my depression, I would say not having someone in my life (girlfriend or partner) has probably contributed more to my loneliness than I sometimes want to admit. I've been told I'm a good looking guy and have some great qualities but with the lack of success i have had finding a partner it's made me question more often. And being I am in my late 30's it starts to feed into that fear that you are cursed or not that great.   


Now about 8-9 years ago, with the the rise of online dating i decided to give it a go. And while I would sometimes have a bit of luck finding someone and sometimes even meeting them, it generally never progressed past a first date. Late last year I met someone that seemed really great. She was very attractive, we had some good chats and video chatted a few times. It was during the height of the first pandemic plus she was living in Orlando at the time. Anyway I know she was pretty busy with work so it was sometimes hard to chat with her and it was hard to know if it was going anywhere with her schedule and distance. Anyway a bit of time past and I reconnected with her and she mentioned she was taking a trip away to Ireland to possibly move there. We talked about the trip and I commended her on getting away and even exploring the idea of moving as it really helps one grow (I've moved countries a few times in my life).  


Once again a bit of time passed and she finally got back to me saying she had a great trip and was going to make the leap and move to Ireland. I was a bit disappointed we hadn't met and it seemed unlikely we would maybe ever meet. Then I noticed on her social media a bit later she started posting again and taking a trip around Europe. Once again we chatted for a little bit and she mentioned she was doing a European trip. Again I wished her all the best but eventually I started seeing photos that she was posting with a guy pointing towards her now have a boyfriend and what was likely a serious relationship. I was disappointed but I couldn't really do anything about it. Then came the bigger blow, a few months after that and not much posted she posted she had married the guy. It eventually revealed that she had actually met a guy online and was going to Ireland to meet him (the main reason for her original trip).   


Now generally when things hadn't worked out with someone I had met online or even girls I had met in person, I could sometimes be a bit sad but this hit me like a ton of bricks. I was already pretty down with seeing her with her fella, but to see the marriage thing felt like a massive blow and hurt me tremendously. I waited till I got home and for some reason cried for ages about it.