When I think about it I’ve been showing signs since my teenage years. I didn’t know why my life seemed so catastrophic and why I felt the way I felt. I didn’t see a dr. about it till I was 23, but should have way sooner. As usual, I was diagnosed with MDD at first. After some run ins with hospitals and some serious meltdowns, “possibly bipolar” started to be thrown around. I didn’t want to accept it. There could be no way. My emotions are completely valid and logical in my head. Just this year, I’m 29, I’ve started to accept the bipolar 2 diagnosis. I see the patterns, the depression and hypo mania and even mood changes (what I call a mindset change, I use a different personality that I’ve learned to mirror and believe to be appropriate to the situation). Even though my moods are up and down I can sit there and explain to you exactly why I feel a certain way. I might react a little more than other people, but my emotions are still valid. And that’s another thing, my need for someone to validate that it makes sense to feel a certain way is out of control. I feel like the older I get, the worst I get, untill I had my “enlightenment” earlier this year with coming to terms with my bipolar. I decreased how much I let it control me, and started preparing for it. I have this cycle of success and prosperity and hope for three weeks or so. I usually get a job to help with bills and catch up and I love it at first. I’m using my organizers and calandras, cleaning the house, cooking dinner and not spending most of my time in the bed. I’m social able during this time and generally content. then something goes wrong that probably was my fault, but not always, and I slowly break down. It’s usually in about a week or two. That whole time things start seeming more grim. I’m late for work, have a general feeling of discomfort, not caring about anything, and do the minimum. Then the depression hits, I lay in. Bed and don’t move for up to two weeks and I lose my job by not showing up and it’s usually because I’m embarrassed that people can tell I am bipolar. You could tell me till you were blue in the face that there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, I’m still going to feel that way. I don’t feel that way about anyone one else though, just about me. 
Well I’m in the hypomania stage right now I guess, I finally got a new job and I love it. But I always romanticize things at first. I really do feel like this is my favorite job I’ve ever had. It’s on a schedule which is great for my bipolar. Waitressing messed me up, I learned the hard way. There’s only a few people in the building, so I feel less paranoid people think I’m crazy. Several other reasons why I like it as well. After all this venting I’m finally getting to the point. I’ve had 12 jobs on the last 3 years. Not because I’m a bad worker, I’ve got a lot of experience and my bipolar masking makes me great for customer service. But sometimes I literally just can’t do anything. I really want to keep this job. One thing I have done differently is I have been a bit more honest than I have in the past with my manager about my mental health. Not fully honest but making steps. I guess if you even read this far I’m looking for validation that I’m not the only one who goes through this. Also wondering if anyone has suggestions on honestly anything I’ve said, but definitely about trying to keep this job and put my life back in order and keep it that way.