Hi—first time poster here. 

I was diagnosed at the age of 22. Today is my 27th birthday, and I’ve spend the morning reflecting on just how hard my life was up until today, and what I’ve lived through. 

Last summer was the worst summer of my life. I was fleeing an abusive relationship that, because the family had known about my diagnosis and used it frequently to gaslight and manipulate me in spite of being in treatment, I didn’t realize was abusive. I was living with my ex-best friend, who turned out to be a cluster-b as well (narcissist though) and because I had “made him look bad” he ended our friendship and left me homeless. I tried to end my life and instead committed myself to a hospital to get treatment. I moved in with my mom, slept on the floor of her apartment because she had no other room, and while things were good, I couldn’t stay—so I ended up reconnecting with my abusive ex, and then FINALLY realizing it was abusive and running. 

This year, I reconnected with the absolute love of my life, who I now live with, am engaged to and am extremely happy with. On day one, I explained to him everything—I was dealing with untreated BPD while we were dating the first time and broke up with him for that and other reasons (he had his own demons, we were barely in our 20s and not ready), what had happened in the time we were apart, and he just shrugged and said “I’m really sorry you had to go through that. You single though?” So the fact he didn’t run for the hills still amazes me. I have been expressing and working through my triggers—he has been so patient, he has read all about BPD, he is the most loving and kind man I’ve ever known and each day I end up in tears for the sheer love I feel for him. I have learned to coexist with my disorder and understand that while it’s a part of me, it isn’t me. I have not been to a therapist in some time due to mine retiring and not finding one good enough to replace her. So I’ve been healing using the techniques I’ve learned and progressing forward. 

For the first time, I am happy and sure that it isn’t mania. Happiest I’ve ever been. I have no FP, in a way I think I’m my own FP. I’ve made so much progress. But I am so scared that this can all be undone. I’m hoping it won’t be. I’m hoping it’s permanent. 

Anyway. I’m glad I’m amongst peers. It’s nice to finally be able to talk about these things to someone that isn’t my fiancé.