The title really says it all. I haven’t been single for any longer than a few weeks in the past 10 years. I really do see exactly how pathetic and toxic it is to find being alone unbearable. But as I type this, single, I truly can’t imagine a healthy path forward for myself alone. I see zero value in my life and I’d really be rather off dead if it didn’t hold ill consequences for those who survive me. I personally believe my living burden outweighs the burden of my death but I’m told that’s just what us crazy suicidal people say. The only times I’ve ever been a functional adult since my diagnosis or had any motivation to do more than the bare minimum have been when I’ve wanted to be my best self for my partner. 


Someone please tell me I’m wrong, that you used to feel this way too but then you found meaning in yourself. I really need to hear that right now because I feel so utterly alone and hopeless.