I won't ever do it, partly bc ik death isn't a solution but the other part that holds me back is that little fear I have of the unknown. That fear is slowly going away but its still there, which pisses me off bc I rely wish I wasn't here, breathing rn. I hate my job, my family seems fake to me, I work my ass off everyday jus so my poor spending habits can keep me in same position and its my fault it is, always is.  I really hope I can dig myself outta this hole I put myself in bc I'm near a breaking point. I really regressed back to my old hateful self. I only care about my success but I'm at rock bottom an it rely hurts. Its either snake out my "loved" ones who are talking shit behind my back or kill myself at this point, an ik which road I'm going to pick. Its easy to be "the bad guy". I always do better when I only look after myself it seems. It's easy to jus detach urself from ur emotions an be aggressive. I really jus hope I get killed before I fully become something I hate, but I'm getting scared it may be to late. I can only wear a " mask" for so long. If u made it this far appreciate it, I jus needed to rant.