I’ll post this here too because why not.


I’ve had social anxiety since my first day of school. Self hatred and low self esteem hit after puberty and it bothers me that I don’t feel like a man. I’ve eventually gained depression, started self harming. 

My anxiety and self hatred focused on my genitals as I got more into wanting to be with someone. I’ve never had friends or girlfriends and loneliness has set in so hard because of that. All I do is self isolate, eat like shit, don’t really work out, watch porn, and play video games. I’m the lowest of the low unfortunately. I learned to hate being a man as I got older. Women don’t find me attractive because I’m too feminine for them I guess. I feel like I’m being forced to be a man even though I never fit in with all that.

So one day I realized I’m bi and now working my way to be a complete femboy. I highly doubt I’ll ever find a women who’s into that and I expect I’ll be discriminated against because for some stupid reason girls can be lesbian, be more masculine, etc and still be accepted for the most part in society, while guys can’t really do anything but be a manly man. 

Some reason I have this odd feeling I am lying to myself. I feel like I don’t cut deep enough to be depressed, or valid. I also feel like I am trying to ultimately self harm myself by completely destroying and degrading myself as a man. It sounds so fucked when I say it, but I can’t help but feel like that. 

Anyways long story short I’m surprised I’m still alive.