I have untreated BPD and I’m so glad there is a community like this. 

When I get triggered or mad with someone, I want to do everything to destroy them and their feelings. And when that episode is over, I feel ashamed and regret what I did/said. This destroys all my relationships and make me act out of my character. I can even get violent. 

It backfires because I’m afraid this behavior will make everyone get tired of me and leave me, and I’ll die alone. I have huge problems handling other people….