I don’t even know where to start . Sometimes I feel like I just want to stab myself a million times and explode into a million pieces. I feel sad and empty which sounds cliche but it’s the truth, I genuinely think one day I will be the reason I am dead . I have gone to a councilor because I was struggling and wanted to reach out for help but I didn’t get what I needed from that , and I don’t know how to tell my parents, my counselor was awesome but I didn’t know why I was feeling the way I did . It’s hard for me to sit here and hear people talking about being diagnosed and being on anti depressants , it’s hard because at least they know what’s wrong with them that they are actually just for feeling sad , I’m so sorry if that sounds wrong and doesn’t make sense , I don’t have it harder than anyone , I am just saying it’s hard when people ask what’s wrong or how I am feeling but I don’t even know why I am or how to describe it , I have never been diagnosed because I go to a counselor and I just wish I could go somewhere they could actually diagnose me , I would want to go just to know if there was anything wrong .  I don’t know being undiagnosed makes me feel as if what I feel isn’t right like I don’t get to feel this way unless someone tells me what’s wrong .i feel like me being undiagnosed means I don’t belong in the mental health community like I shouldn’t be talking about how I feel and I shouldn’t be feeling this way . If that makes sense . And sometimes I feel like I want something to be wrong that I want attention but I know I don’t I am embarrassed by my self harm and hide it and I feel embarrassed trying to explain how I feel . I don’t think I have been deprived of attention.  I don’t fake how I feel to get a rise out of people . I don’t know I just want help . I would never want to self diagnose myself either cause I would feel annoying . I watch tv shows or read things online that are triggering for me and it’s almost like I enjoy being so low , which makes me feel like an asshole because I know it sucks to be so low . I’m really sorry if I am offending anyone I just need help I guess even though my paragraph Probably doesn’t  make sense And you don’t know what I need help with .