I have BPD and thought this might be a better place to ask for input than other subreddits.

Just some background. It's messy so bear with me.

I started a bachelor degree in 2019. This year I was supposed to graduate, except, I’m not. The reasons why are another post in of itself, but long story short, my mental health overwhelmed me, I’m not sure if I even want to do that career anymore and I’ve taken a leave of absence, I probably won’t go back.  This has been devastating, to be honest. 

When I was at uni there were a few people I would talk to, occasionally go out to dinner and was part of a fb chat with ( Let’s call them B, C, D and E). Since November last year (when everything went to shit) I’ve tried to avoid everyone. I haven’t seen anyone since last year.  I haven’t told any of them what’s happened. I saw B by mistake at the shops last Christmas and they asked what I was doing and I just said “Its complicated” they messaged me a bit after and I lied and said I was doing uni part time instead.  I’ve been ignoring the chat (but sometimes would look at to see what they were saying) and rarely if ever, said anything. Between last year and now I’ve been checking B’s facebook. I don’t really know why. She always seems to be posting everything about her life and almost bragging about her accomplishments. I felt compelled to read it. 

Apart from B’s message last year, no one’s spoken directly to me, asked how I am or anything. This kind of bothered me even though I was ignoring them and don’t really want to talk to them anyway (confusing right???) 

ANYWAY. Fast forward to today. I check B’s and a few other people from Uni’s facebook. Apparently today was when people would receive post-graduate positions, and it’s all they’re talking about. I got really depressed and angry and decided to just delete everyone I know from uni off facebook and left the group chat. No one talks to me anyway and I just torture myself by seeing what people are doing. I’m not sure what I wanted from this or was expecting.  C (who I find annoying) called me this afternoon. I ignored the call, let it go to voicemail and deleted it without listening. Then D directly messaged me on fb and said “Hey just touching base to say HELLO and I MISS YOU and LET’S GET TOGETHER FOR LUNCH” This and C’s call made me really angry. They haven’t spoken to me in a year but when I leave the group and delete them they suddenly miss me? Give me a break. I didn’t know what to say to D so I just said “ok” even though I DON’T want to meet up at all. Now they're asking if we can meet up next week and I don’t know what to say??

A small part of me misses the interactions we use to have, as I don’t have any friends and am pretty isolated, now more than ever. BUT I just don’t want to see or talk to any of them. I can’t bear the embarrassment. I don’t want them to ask what I’m doing and I don’t wan’t to hear about how perfectly their lives are going.

What do I say??