Look I don't want fucking advice today. I am fucking aware of how i'm overreacting today ok. i'm not stupid so if someone wants to give me advice I would really appreciate it if you would just NOT today. I just need to rant about how frustrating it is when you can literally feel yourself flipping back and forth from 0-100. My irritation meter is high today. I keep going from "fuck youu fuck this shut up" to "...sorry" all day today and so I have effectively alienated myself from my study group today. I feel bad for my reaction but I just also can't let go of the extreme anger I am feeling today.

It's honestly for the best. I feel destructive today, and its not coming out on me today so clearly its best I just stay the fuck away from everyone. sometimes you should just close the drawbridge. At least in this way I will just have to hold myself accountable to my own work and I can't hurt anyone else or deal with their hurts. I don't need guilt on top of the anger and frustration because that's a recipe for me to drink myself into a spiral in the bathroom and cut myself like the last time I was this stressed out.

Actually I think i'm just gonna check out from people all together this week.

I'll see them when finals is over.

I am just tired of having to CONSTANTLY manage my emotions for everyone around me, but they can dump their emotions all over me and its fine.

I need space.

I need to scream

I need to cry

I need to write this essay and study for my four science finals.

Good god I need that therapy appointment tomorrow.

I think if I just avoid people and sharp things today i'll be okay.
