I’ve pushed people out of my life by not talking to them. I can’t respond to them because my anxiety about talking to them is so high for no reason. Then days, weeks, or months go by and I don’t talk to them ever again. Now we’re no longer friends. I don’t know how to stop. I live at home because I dropped out from school fall 2020. I don’t see anyone in person besides holidays. I send a couple texts a day, memes mostly, to 1 maybe 2 people. I had people who cared about me, and I pushed them out. we’re strangers. If I tell anyone about how bad I’m doing it’s usually through a joke. It’s met with “same” or “true”. I want to open up and sometimes it slips through but I always stop myself because why should they care? I’ve done nothing for them. I’m a bad friend. I miss them. I was really close to them but I cut and ran. I distanced myself even more because I assumed they hated me. Which just added to this dumb positive feedback loop I got going. The anxiety keeping me from talking to people also keeps me from talking to a counselor. I get so close to it but then I get anxious and disappear.