Man i don't feel like living anymore, everything around me seems so ducking toxic i just wanna end it in a moment. I feel like external pressure for my parents, I can't do anything myself, they take care of all the things for my betterment and what i do in return? **Nothing** i feel like burden for them also don't know whether I'll be able to handle this extremely hard competition I'll be facing for my life in few years, also I've seen a 'mirror of this competition' and i failed badly in it, it just make me think I'm useless , i don't have any good skills which i can master to be self dependant in future. Slowly I'm losing hope that I'll recover from this mentall illness as well i just need a  smaller way to escape this anyway. IDK when and how I'll do that man but I'm suffering everyday just going through a cycle of pain and sufferings. I want to take this off my chest or maybe i wanna end myself.