I constantly check mirrors or any reflection or surface I can see myself in. I also constantly take photos of myself because I'm so confused about what I look like.

Yep, that sounds ridiculous but I swear I feel like I look different all the time. Some photos I feel like I look unrecognisable! I compare different photos of me and I swear they could look like completely different people.

I feel lied to, like the mirror will show me a pretty face one hour then literally the next (sometimes it's even in the space of MINUTES) and I look ugly. Same with pictures, especially ones people take of me.

It's not even the fact that you are used to seeing yourself in the mirror because I feel like both the mirror and camera lie to me because I look so different all the time! So I become distressed and even suicidal (in combination with other factors, but I never and will probably never go through with it) because of this.

My self-confidence wavers, constantly. I probably look at myself upwards of 25 times a day. And one minute I'll be confident in the mirror, I take a photo and BANG I look ugly or vice versa. 

I ALWAYS ask my brother if I look the same in photos and real life and I even ask him if my face looks exactly like it does in the mirror. He says it really does but I cannot see it! Some photos I look SO bad and I feel like I can't blame the camera because my friends look the exact same as they do in real life, therefore I must to, therefore I look buttsh*t ugly.

I feel like the way I'm putting it sounds kinda... Mild compared to what it really is. But oh well. It's kind of becoming an addiction for me to take photos of myself constantly or look in the mirror and ask people if I look the same...

I even hate taking photos on my own phone because I feel like I look uglier than when I take it on my friends phones (even though I have the best camera out of all of them). Even though to other people they say I look the same maybe except for a difference or two... It doesn't help that within the past year and a half a gained around 20kg and I only started losing it now.

In fact, I look back on photos when I was skinny and facial-wise even though I was considerably younger I look SO UGLY. I feel like I look like a completely different person but to other people they say I actually haven't changed one bit.

I feel pretty one second but then I crash back down into reality the next when I realise that if I was pretty, people would probably tell me that I am. I would get guys' attention (I don't want their attention but if I was pretty I WOULD get it like my pretty friends) if I were actually pretty.

 In fact, at a mental health (huh, the irony) program we did at school, we had to write down good things about each other on a paper. A lot of my friends got comments from almost everybody saying they're pretty mean whilst I got one. 

So if my FRIENDS can't even say I'm pretty like they do to each other (in multiple situations not that) then I really cannot be attractive. I look in the mirror and feel attractive (and people say I look EXACTLY like the mirror) but I know I'm being deceived because I only look good on this one instance.

I just want to know if this is just normal for a teenager or just self-consciousness or could it be something else. Because it's slowly Worse and worse and more of an obsession. Better safe than letting it develop more unknowingly. I really wish I could post pictures to show you what I mean but I'm under 18 and don't want my pictures out there.

My passion is performing (anything really... Acting, singing, dancing) and I don't particularly enjoy anything else but how can I do any performing if I'm not even decently pretty? This thought makes me feel like I'm worthless because if I can't fulfil my dreams, then what's the point?