Two years ago I was diagnosed with BDP. It's was a strange feeling when I found out and started reading about BDP symptoms and how they related to my life. There are nine symptoms of BPD and I have eight of them. I've left a trail of pain, unhappiness, and dead friendships behind me. All this time I thought I was the good guy with the white hat, and suddenly I found out I was the one with the black hat. I was the bad guy all along. What a plot twist that was.

Now here I am two years later after therapy and DBT group. I can somewhat control my emotions or at least step away when I feel they might get out of control. Covid and the lockdown were a welcome reprieve from moving on with my life, but now that the restrictions are being lifted soon in my state I have to start talking to all the people I have been ghosting over the last two years. I am scared of having to explain what I've been up to or what happened to me. I'm overwhelmed by the work I need to do to repair my relationships and career. I find myself constantly trying to distract myself from the challenges ahead of me. I don't know what to do or how to begin.