So had it bad had it good then back to bad.  Been a lot of places up down every where. 
I have suffered some of the worst losses in my life recently.  Everyone wants to talk everyone wants to say it will be better.  At the moment I got nothing left &amp; trapped in this area.  I got nothing to keep me going.  People will say go get on medication even if I do I’ll be right back where I am. To bad there was not a real program to help get somewhere new to get a little help a new start.  Not one to run away from one to help understand what happened &amp; how to move on.  Maybe just a little spark can be enough to get me moving.  I don’t know when it’s okay to talk about wanting to kill myself  or when feeling this way.  Truth it’s not like there is anyone around to help.   Everyone is a professional when it comes to this. Every stranger says the right thing however I am not pro &amp; don’t know the right steps. So maybe there is something wrong with me now maybe I am just broken.  I do know I can’t be over medicated or looked so down on that everyone feels like they are better then me.  I looked at some stuff some government help stuff.   Obviously I belong to the select few that doesn’t matter anymore there seems to be a lot of us now.  I lost what I did &amp; can’t keep going through the motions because feel myself slipping.  Can see myself changing &amp; falling farther down need something new something better something different something to give me meaning &amp; a reason.