The beginning of the month was amazing. I had my closest friends stay with me for my birthday and I really felt genuine happiness, happiness I can’t really remember the last time I felt. A couple weeks later I was alone in my apartment with a bottle of vodka in the freezer. I don’t know what triggered me but I felt a sudden wave of frustration. I chugged as much as I could handle. I started to cry. My vision was so blurred from my tears and I could feel the alcohol taking its toll. I drank more. I began to shake and my frustration turned to anger then immense sadness. I just started thinking of all the bad things that’s happened to me and all of the people who hurt me, physically &amp; emotionally. I went through my bathroom and found a razor. (CW: Self Harm) I took it apart and took a blade to the kitchen. I’ve never had this bad of a breakdown. It felt more than a breakdown. I didn’t have control. I could hardly control my breathing at this point. I took the blade to my wrist. Multiple small cuts at first, but the further down my wrist I went whatever emotion I was feeling or whatever was happening completely took control and I made 3 very deep cuts. Within seconds my arm was covered in blood. I started getting dizzy. I called 911 and they wrapped my arm and took me to hospital. I had to get 12 stitches. I had alcohol poisoning bad, after 7 hours they said my blood/alcohol level was still about .24. I spent 3 days there on a police hold until they deemed that I wasn’t a threat to others or myself. Trips to counseling and a psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with BPD. Recollecting some other memories, behavioral patterns, etc and it all made sense. It was somewhat of a relief to have a diagnosis, but then again I faced the reality I really did have a mental illness. I haven’t shared what happened or my diagnosis with many people, and I’m still learning to accept myself. This is my first post on this subreddit, but I read a lot of other user’s posts and I appreciate you all sharing your journey &amp; stories. It’s helped me even more with accepting myself. Thank you all.