Any of my friends and loved ones would always point to me as the guy who’d always be happy or always have a smile whenever and wherever. And
i knew to myself that I was always a happy guy, recovering from depression and knowing how to come back from extreme lows in my life. For the longest time I’ve dealt with life by being optimistic about everything, thinking about what I would do today and tomorrow like I had all the time in the world. But recently all those happy thoughts stopped coming in, my mind just feels so calm and quiet. Talking to my friends hasnt been the same nor playing games. I’m about to graduate and it just doesnt excite me the same way it did. And i dont know why but I just keep thinking of ways of how to die. Whenever im driving i would imagine just swerving into another car, when im cooking i would just think of stabbing myself. These thoughts pf dying are just so normal to me. I’m in a happy relationshi, I have family that care for me, friends to talk to everyday, and im grateful for all of them, but I just can’t stop thinking of dying. The fact that my mind just feels so calm and quiet whilst Im buried in schoolwork is just weird to me, all I can really think of is how I can die in every possible moment.