Hello,

I'm sorry if this isn't the correct place to post this, but I would really appreciate some input from people with more experience than myself. I hope it's alright for me to dump a fair bit of information, I'm just not sure whether I should speak to someone professionally or attempt to sort something out personally.

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I'm 20 in just over a month, I graduated 2 years ago, and I've left university twice. I graduated with a horrible ATAR (Australian final grade) because I would leave online classes within \~10 minutes of them beginning. I understood the consequences of my actions when I took them, but I almost felt compelled to do something else. I felt horrible at the time because I recognised how self-destructive this habit was, but I would pace my room rather do my class. As much as it sounds like a ridiculous excuse it almost felt that sitting down and applying myself was not an option.

My habits in high school followed a pretty similar pattern. I would apply myself at the start and do my best to pay attention in class and study at home, and I did great when I did. However, this never lasted, and I'd find myself taking typing tests or staring at my desktop before the end of the second week. I was similarly atrocious at completing assignments, I wouldn't complete them for weeks, months after they are due, because even when I made a conscious effort to set aside time to complete them, I would get up and do anything else almost immediately. I even did the same when it came to basic chores, I sometimes put off the most trivial of tasks, like taking a paper bag from my room to the bin, for days.

I don't consider myself lazy, fitness is very extremely important to me and I have a healthy social life and a job, but I will put off replying to a message for days for absolutely no reason.

Though what concerns me the most is my habit of making huge decisions immediately and in the moment. I have dropped out of two universities, the first was online, though I stopped attending my classes quite soon after beginning, and would some times just drive aimlessly instead. The other was in person, which I greatly preferred. I made an effort this time, I didn't want to repeat what happened earlier. I would catch the train to the city every day to go to the university library for a great study environment. Then I would open the assignment, look at it for 5 minutes, and leave. My only responsibility was a couple of small sheets a week, other than classes, yet I would literally walk the streets from 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM instead, just walk. Eventually I did the same thing that I did for my previous course, I withdrew. This concerned me a bit more, I had told myself that I would really knuckle-down and commit, put an end to what had been happening since high school. Though what concerns me most is that I would not dwell on it, or weigh the consequences of my actions. Both times I was committed to the course when I woke up, then at some point withdrew on a whim. I don't feel regretful or guilty, but I'm worried that I'm just spinning my wheels at this point.

I have done the same for jobs. I really enjoy my current job, but it is my 6th. I am always genuinely excited and enthusiastic form the beginning, and throughout my time at these positions. Though at some point, every time, I will impulsively quit on the spot. Not due to any emotional duress, I just won't do it any more. It seems like I realise that I have the option to not continue, and form that point on I consider it inevitable. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm making excuses, I accept full responsibility for these actions of course, I just don't know whether they warrant speaking to someone, or some form of self-improvement.

Similarly, I will spend a massive chunk of my savings on a single purchase, or empty my accounts over a day with no regrets whatsoever. I like to think that I understand the value of a dollar. I'm generally frugal and like to think that I work hard. But then I'll throw my money away. I spent $950 on a pair of loafers last year and I haven't worn them once.

When I left my 5th job I finally decided to see someone and went to my GP, who said that he believes I may have Bipolar II, and referred me to a psychiatrist. Though I'm never depressed or down, I'm painfully positive and enthusiastic constantly. So I cancelled the psychiatry appointment.

But I've noticed that for the past couple of years, I've struggled to even sit down and commit some time to my interests and passions. Regardless of how much I enjoy something, I'll inevitably get up and just swap to something else. I was passionate about my first university course, but it didn't seem to matter.

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I'm sorry for dumping so much information on you, and thank you if you've read this far. I suppose I'm just not sure whether I should speak to a professional or work on myself personally, I'm just at a bit of a loss and feel that I'm not making any progress. Thanks a lot.