I had my first time handjob in Chinese massage parlour so here is what happened

So while going inside there was a girl who I am not attracted to at all and didn't want here aswell fat,short, unattractive face and bit old I guess

So I asked can I choose girls the lady said “yes”

They asked me to go to room and she brought girl she was nice looking and interested but for some reason I said no

The second girl looked my type I said yes but she doesn't seems interested and then she started massaging back and for every 1 minute so I used her phone to message and talk it was irritating so I asked her that I want another girl because I don't want to ruin my first time

And she left and the main lady bring that ugly girl I said no I want different girl she said everyone left only she is available and she was kinda rude this time so I said okay

Then that girl did the remaining massage and the handjob the handjob itself was good but bit rough and she did it quickly and after that she even lied to me when I asked why you've done it quickly

But when I returned back I couldn't take that - girl who I am not attracted to or to be more accurate whom I hate for her looks and with ugly personality (she lied to me) was the first one to touch my cock sexually it's just bothering me,i couldn't stop thinking about it even after a year….I can't stop thinking about “she is the first women to touch me sexually in my entire life” and I couldn't change it,how could I get past it ?