So I really had only one friend growing up once I hit high school it was someone I dated.. that was 10 years ago.. time passed I never dated anyone again and socially isolated myself essentially. my job I started working 80 hours a week and I said screw that and stupidly decided to go work at a grocery store.

I saw her again.. I didn't know what to say I needed help but didn't say anything because I was afraid of fucking it up. So I just had the most generic 10 minute conversation ever. She told me she was getting married and the guy was a fire fighter and was working for google (I asked these things she wasn't trying to make me feel shitty even though it has made my life for the last year a hellish nightmare making me feel like the most worthless human being ever). 

basically for the last year I kind of felt like dying to be honest. She moved away so she is still in the state I think, but I don't see her ever anymore. I see her family and honestly it's awkward as fuck I think they see me as someone who will screw up her good life. Whenever I see them I freak the fuck out and my entire day is ruined and I think about killing myself.

I have no interest in taking her away from her husband, but god damn it sucks not to physically talk to another human being and having a discussion that is more than 5-10 minute talking about the weather or some dumb shit. She is the only person I could connect with and the fact that I realized I pushed her away because of my BPD sucks so hard. 

I have no idea how to contact her she doesn't use facebook and I can't raise up the courage to ask her family. 

A part of me feels that maybe just maybe if I can have one long conversation with her.. Maybe I can start putting my life back together. 

I just don't know how I could explain the situation to her family without them thinking I was some sort of creep.. I think she would understand, she had ADHD so she would understand if I told her I was mentally ill.