So I'm in the local psychiatric hospital again. This time I took an overdose and climbed to the top of a car park and went to jump. I was under a lot of emotional stress and had been suicidal for some time but I listened to the paramedics bullshit and came back over the ledge, and I'm starting to wish I hadn't.

I'm a 30 year old man with a psychiatric history dating back my entire life, ADHD/ADD etc as a child and now EUPD of impulsive and borderline types as an adult alongside OCD Intrusive thoughts, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Anorexia and Bullemia, Substance misuse etc alongside Generalized anxiety

I got out of prison in February and it's all been downhill from there, believe it or not my mental health was better there, but so was access to help. My anxiety has gotten so bad when trying to walk through town sometimes I actually start freezing up in my legs and twitching and get spasticity. The awful hostels I'm living in are full of drugs and bad situations and it was so easy for me to get drawn in. My self destructive behaviour is at an all time high, I self harm with drugs and sex almost every day

I've never felt more like "this isn't treatable", and that it's time to hit the reset button and I'm a fool for continuing with this life. My interest in what should be rich and fulfilling in life is completely gone. I can't ever be the man I want to be

I don't know why I'm posting really just to vent I suppose, but if anyone else has been to this point and managed to get to a better position I'd listen to advice.