So I've been in "remission" from BPD-like behaviours (don't quite fit the bill for a full blown diagnosis but still have struggled with some of the behaviours and personality traits) for quite a while. Last weekend though, something stressful happened and I found myself engaging in victim-like "rescue me" behaviour with a colleague whom I quite admire and look up to. One I'd really like to keep around and not push away. 

Backstory: I worked two peer support/harm reduction booths at music events over the weekend. I had a rough, triggering time at the first one and slept in two hours past the time I was supposed to be at the second one where I was working with this colleague. I felt so bad about being late that I felt sick and I wanted to cry. She told me I could go home but I decided that I wanted to stay and help volunteer since I had been looking forward to this event and had done a bunch of prep-work for it. Big mistake. I wish I would have listened to her and gone home. 

I ended up oversharing a couple of traumatic experiences with her in a way that was totally unnecessary and in a way that made me seem like I needed rescuing. I'm so mad at myself and I wish I could go back in time and put duct tape over my mouth to stop myself from saying what I did and to go put on a back-up alarm clock so I actually woke up in time for the event.

I've done this before in the past with her and have been extremely worried and mad at myself about it. Now the same thing is happening again. I'm caught in this thought loop about how much I've freaked her out and made her think I'm unstable, needy, etc and how much more of this she can take before she calls it quits and doesn't want to be around me anymore.

How do you catch this behaviour and STOP it before you end up crossing the line and freaking someone out? I'd rather like to keep my boundaries solid and relationships healthy thank you very much.

Oh and also, when you screw up like this, how do you let it go and forgive yourself for making a mistake?