why on fucking god did i ever think it would be better, get good, or fucking any of tht horseshit. no, life just fucking slams down on you like a bomb. and it only gets worse. and my ears arent getting any better, might not seem like a big deal but its worrying. will it get better? maybe?  i can barely even keep my shit thoughts in order. how the fuck am i going to do this. really how the fuck am i going to do this. why did i through that razor away? because someone cares about me? fucking do they now? after today, kind of doubt that. man, i hope they dont read this. or maybe i dont care anymore, or dont want to care anymore and tried so hard to when it was a little bit better but now just fuck it. i cant attempt to change any feelings or anything. ill just let myself feel shit or whatever. I TRIED SO FUCKING HARD. I TRIED SO FUCKING HARD. I TRIED SO FUCKING HARD. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. im going to cry a lot tonight arent i. barely have any tears in the first place. life is a good fucking joke. i want to break something.