TW: mention of suicide, self harm

Currently recovering from yet another stress induced panic attack and I’m honestly just…God I don’t know I’ve never felt like I was teetering on the edge between life and death until now. Basically anxiety’s been ruining my life. College is kicking me in the ass and I have a test later on today that I’m getting physically ill over bc I haven’t had enough time to study. Not to mention I’m afraid to fall asleep bc I’ve been getting nightmares and I’ve been having BAD Intrusive thoughts that make me feel like I’m a monster. Everytime those thoughts pop up I consider self harming or just ending it all at this point bc I have a crippling fear of them. Then I made the mistake of going to church and I got rejected after I told someone I thought I could trust that I was bi, now I’ve been thinking we’ll damn are these intrusive thoughts and anxiety my punishment for being bi? Anyways I just do not know what to do anymore, I’m going to get therapy soon but I’m afraid that nothing I do will work and I’ll be suffering like this for the rest of my life and I can’t handle that. Ugh…..

TLDR: It’s 3am and my life is in absolute shambles.