Hello . I don’t even know where to start . Does anybody else look back on their life and it feels like it didn’t even happen . I don’t understand anything . I don’t care about anything . I don’t apply myself to anything . I don’t even want to be happy . It seems fake at this point . It’s really a joke at the end of the day . Some people are built for this life thing and can go each day focusing on their passions and interests , looking forward to new things . But my question is always why . And how . All you ever hear now is you deserve this you deserve that … but why 😂 . I’m someone who hasn’t improved at anything and half assed their way through everything they’ve ever done . All I have ever been chasing is that next shortcut . Maybe all of this I’m saying to prove to myself how incapable I am of changing . So I can keep Self loathing . It becomes your comfort zone after awhile in a weird way . If you’re reading this sentence I’m sorry you’ve read this entire nonsensical bullshit . It only means it’s relatable . And I wouldn’t wish that on anyone . Enjoy ya day