I have BPD and I recently got divorced. My ex abused me mentally and verbally often.
I’m in a new relationship with a man that I adore. He’s wonderful and accommodating in every way for someone who didn’t grow up around mental illness like I did. 
The relationship has been hot and heavy since the beginning with the “can’t breathe, can’t sleep, can’t eat without you” type of feeling. Recently, my boyfriend and I discussed his boundaries.

I’ve gotten used to a routine where we talk on the phone whenever we get a free minute, and I’ve gotten used to that. And we know how breaking routines can typically go for borderlines. 

We discussed the fact that he needs time to decompress during some parts of the day and the rational part of my brain understands entirely. However, the BPD part of my brain is so scared that I’m going to lose him because of my anxious and insecure attachment style. I’m a very emotionally needy person and I’ll be the first to admit that. I know that I can be a lot because I’m often sick of myself so I don’t blame others when they need a break.

How do I come to terms with this without hating myself for being so clingy? How do I adapt to the new routine and distract myself from the intrusive thoughts telling me that I’m messing everything up?