I can't seem to stop feeding my own personal self sabotage toxic cycles of abuse, if you can even lable it under one of the many types. I cling so tightly to some idea of love. Any way to feel even the slightest brush of what I assume it would feel like to love myself. I cling to it so much so, that even after countless infidelities, storms that rain emotional abuse, and being given more reasons to question my worth than I started with.. I stay. Why? Because I'm so very terrified of being alone. Of never feeling those brief and small pieces of happiness. Anything is better than being completely empty, right? That's what I keep telling myself.