Hiiiiiii, im going to be posting posts where i explain different aspects of BPD and our thought process for people w/o it. Maybe it'll even help some of you put your thoughts and feelings into words and feel understood. 
Ive noticed many including myself struggle to explain BPD and what it does inside of our heads.  This is frustrating and frankly isolating because we deserve to feel understood and not like some being from a different galaxy. 

Today I'll be talking about the fear of abandonment which  is one of the main symptoms of BPD 

Fear of abandonment in BPD is so much more serious than it sounds and it can cause us to abandon
others first.

To a degree, yes, everyone has a fear of abandonment.

But with BPD, that fear is so extreme and it's sometimes us trying to avoid reliving past experiences.

We don't just have a fear of abandonment; we have a fear of not being loved or cared about anymore or enough. We have a fear that you're going to stop loving us or that you already have.And to us, that hurts more than anything. It feels like being reminded that we're not good enough. 

It feels like a reminder that we're not worth loving, and through abuse and other past experiences, those are things that we've been told in some way over and over.

For many of us, it's a subconscious reminder of how our family or other people who were supposed to love us, didn't really and how excruciatingly that hurt.

We're not just afraid of being abandoned. We're afraid of you losing interest. We're afraid of you not loving us anymore. We're afraid of you never really having cared about us. We're afraid of the accompanying pain that comes with any of those things because we're familiar with that pain and we almost didn't survive it.

For many of us, the feeling you may leave us or no longer care about us leads us to revisit a lot of past trauma or neglect. 

What we're usually reacting to when we feel we may be abandoned is a lot more than the current situation.

And, so, we try to avoid that pain by leaving you or by running away.

What is referred to as "fear of abandonment" is an intense, overwhelming pain that literally feels like the end of the world, and we're just trying to do whatever we can to avoid it. 

I really hooe this helps put things into perspective. My dms are always open