I really thought it was getting better, that I could do it. everything was wrong. I've made no progress. This void has returned. I want to die again. I'll never be able to live. I would always go back to the start.Please spare me from these emotions I don’t want to feel anything anymore . You have never had the envy to dive in the water, in the ocean, empty of song, no noise, alone, just the absolute calm ? no needs, no emotions, clear mind, peace . God you know I’m tired. I can’t anymore, again , and for the last time .