To give some background information; most of the time that I have bad panic attacks are from not knowing where my brother is. For some reason, my anxiety is fixated on him and has never once wavered or gotten better. If he goes out and his phone dies/he doesn’t answer then I start thinking something really bad has happened to him (he’s only 15). 

Back to the main thing:

Last night, my brothers phone died while he was out so there was no answer. Usually I go to my mum when this happens because she has some of his friends mum’s numbers to just ask if he is round their house or out with them etc but she was at work working a late shift. What made everything worse was that it was 11.30 at night, so even more scenarios of “what could’ve happened to him” kept creeping in. After calling like 30 times I started to panic really bad and tried to get my dad to give me some reassurance. All I was met with was “you’re stressing me out and ruining my night, your brother is always fine so stop making a big deal out of it”. Obviously this didn’t help anything and I went back up to my room where I started panicked even worse. I was crying an just hitting things in my room because I felt so powerless. While this was happening, I could just hear my dad moaning about this, complaining that his night was being ruined. It made me feel so horrible and uncared about, I felt like he didn’t love me at all. I don’t understand why my own fucking dad doesn’t give a shit about how I’m feeling even if I’m literally crying and clearly going through shit.