i had an fp in school a little bit ago and we met in october of 2021, since i laid eyes on them they were automatically my favorite person, even if i didn’t know their name. i finally built up the courage to find a way to ask for their discord and we talked, oh did we talk. we talked for hours on end, the entire day, the entire week, i texted them so f/cking much. they were literally my best friend, my favorite person, i felt so amazing when i talked to them, they hugged me, etc. it was spring break and i was talking in a gc with some friends, and i said something sexual about this said friend/fp, and everyone got pressed. three of my friends decided to make a gc about me and talk abt how bad i was for saying something like that, then they brought it up to me. at first they tried getting me to confess it to my fp for whatever reason, because they “deserved to know”, and i denied. and then i budged and said if i start having thoughts like that again i will communicate them. a few hours later i get a text message from my fp saying that they told them abt what i said. immediately i started having a breakdown, crying, i felt like i had just been stabbed, i couldn’t breathe, i just wanted to die right then and there. i ignored them for about 20 minutes and they texted again and wanted to communicate. i finally responded with a long paragraph of apologies and explanation. he then told me he didn’t want to talk to me for the rest of break, again, another breakdown. he ignored me for the entire week, then once school started again, he ignored me, looked at me weird, wouldn’t speak to me, etc. i cried when i got home everyday. soon i texted him and he just stopped responding, ghosted me. and i continued to text him because of the annoying shit i am, and he soon got a new account and he hasn’t been online since. i never actually got to explain anything to him, i can’t listen to songs that remind me of him, his name is a trigger to me, etc. those “friends” make me want to die daily. i’m a horrible person, but i wish he was still in my life.