uhm, how do i put this. 

My girlfriend and i just split after two and a half years of being together, i’m only a young guy in my teens but spent most of which with her. i still love her, deeply and the thought of not be… co-dependent/ relying on her is so fucking scary, i was a 4-5x daily user of marijuana for 3 years and have been four months sober due to a syndrome i ended up getting due to marijuana use that put me in a state of basically being poisoned by it called CHS, she helped me through the constant pain and anxiety the weeks after that were. 

I wasn’t great to her at the start of the relationship due to i guess not having enough personal growth to realise what i had. i tried to make up for it for the over two years after then but it was all too late. i can’t live without much else then her and drugs and if i go back to smoking my life is at risk, i feel suicidal again but god id never blame that perfect soul of a woman. my anxiety is so bad i’m so scared