I'm not sure if this is what an FP warrants but I'm new to the dx.

A few months ago I started a program an fell in love at first sight with a therapist who ended up being the one I primarily worked with. She's the most beautiful woman and person I've ever seen, all I want is her and to listen and talk to her. She was a great therapist too, the best I've ever seen. She matched my energy and understood and validated me and was so funny. She had so many skills up her sleeve and knew exactly what to say when we had individual sessions and I got stuck.

I eventually told her about the crush as it persisted, but also helped me. It was the best my mental health was doing. She still accepted me and made sure it didnt interfere. When she said goodbye forever, she kept mentioning she could "see it in my eyes" when I was about to cry. I've never wanted to say goodbye less because I also knew this was forever. SHe never said "oh well never see each other again" she mentioned where she was working next. etc.

But the program ended. But on my last day she mentioned she was going to be leaving and working somewhere else just doing therapy work. I got excited. I heard from somewhere else where she's exactly and it's the area she mentioned I call and they're so full theyre not taking new patients. I still cannot find a therapist who is a fit I check again months and they still arent taking people.

I still look for therapists and cannot find a match. But she lingers in the back of my mind a lot of the time. I hate that I can't recall each mole and freckle like I could when she was in front of me.

I just want to forget about her because she made me feel so loved and understood and I've never been able to find it. Part of me feels it's better to say goodbye forever but another still wants to follow up so I can see and talk to her again. I even try to be like ok she is a good therapist and youre having trouble finding another but I just want to talk to her about life. I want to see/her so bad