I'd like to know if there's one of u who eradicate a part of the daily pain, by having taken drastic measures through time to "limite the exposition to what makes a borderline suffer".

I'll need to explain myself on that one :  
I'm 22, i run from my hometown when I was 18 with my boyfriend who was 23 at that time. He became my husband last year and we live together. We had our lot of complication, I've been hurting him, testing him, testing his luv, feeling abandonned, cheating on him, always felt more greedy for his attention as I was drawning myself in addiction.

During those 5 year, memories of my childhood slowly came back, I was lost, hypersensitiv, I realize I was only survivng and repressing myself not to think all that time. I never built my ego, always wearing masks. The constat is that : I had very good logical/mathematical, musical, naturalist and sport intelligence and complety zero interpersonnal and intrapersonnal intelligence. I was unaware of the reason why my humour changes all the time, why I was so disgust and empty, how much I could show no hint of empathy, how much I hated good or bad criticism, why I couldn make compromises.

I came to the conclusion that it's just less complicated to stay home, getting closer to nature, limiting my social contact only to very close friends whom ain't toxic. I found a way to study at distance, find project to make money at home with my man in the future. Other projects would be to live in food autonomy and to gather some skills in permaculture and eco-constructions.

My humor still quite changes all the time, I still have to deal with dark thoughts, lack of self-loving, but i'm aware of my running now and i'm 100 honest with myself. I'm not always fully conscious and able to control my virulent emotions and needs but I try to heal myself and dismantle my way of thinking with mushrooms, DMT... that focuse me on what's important.

For people that suffers like me, don't loose hope. The high are so high and the bottom are so deep but keep strenghtening urself. Everyone has a different recipe for his/her wellbeing. U'll know after trying, at the end, if life was worthy of not. Life and death ain't the end, this reality is as real as a mindtrick illusion.

For people who are close to a borderline, the slope is steep. I wish u good luck and thank u so much for the luv ur capable of giving and for ur strenght!