Hi all, going to have a bit of a vulnerable moment so I would appreciate if people would attempt to understand where I am coming from. Call this immature if you want, but just know I am trying to do my best to understand this and realize where my anxiety is stemming from.

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My new girlfriend of just a couple months smokes weed. She smokes joints, bongs, bowls, edibles, the whole thing. I have always thought smoking weed was disgusting, smoking anything in general always grossed me out. I have always said this would be a dealbreaker. I didn't know she smoked until a little while into us talking, I had already grown feelings for her and I had thought maybe this was something I could over look. My dad always smoked cigarettes as a kid and I have always thought it was the most disgusting thing and it was something I couldn't wait to get away from when moving away for school. 

My anxiety is constant, overwhelming, physical, etc. When I get anxious it can be for no reason, and I will feel hot, dizzy, have no appetite or motivation. It is very debilitating and something I have had for my entire life. It comes on suddenly, and sometimes hangs around for literally weeks. 

My girlfriend has told me she smokes with her friends, sometimes she hotboxes a car, or goes to some park to do it. 

I have such a bad connotation of her being the teenager or young adult sitting in the dark park at night or in the creepy car wreaking of weed. It just rubs me the wrong way and without trying to insult anybody, I just associate it with a certain type of person and its not the person I see her as or as I would want to see my significant other. 

However, I want to also try and put into perspective the other side of things as well and try to look at the benefits/the reasonable view of things which I will write below:

\- She is doing it hardly ever and only when shes home from college (over the summer with friends)

\- She goes about it in a safe way, she doesnt smoke at college parties or take joints from people she doesnt know

\- She is 20 and experimenting and having fun. Shes not necessarily doing anything wrong.

\- Lowkey science wise, smoking isnt even as bad for you as alcohol and I drink alcohol myself so I feel like a hypocrite telling her not to smoke.

\- I have asked her not to get crossed and not to ever get in/or drive a car with someone who is  impaired or if she is impaired and she has promised me she wont do either. 

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On the other hand, I really just think its disgusting and I have such a negative connotation with it that I am trying to change. Part of me has even considered at this point like trying it just so I can see what it feels like and maybe Ill relate to it better and understand where shes coming from but at the same time Ive made it 20 years without trying it and I feel like I shouldnt have to give in now.

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Deep down I feel like its just not a big deal and my feels are so immature and trust me I WISH I could just shut my brain up, chillax and lighten up. I would love to be that boyfriend. I cannot ignore the actual physical anxiety this causes me though and I seriously need some help.

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TL;DR: My girlfriend smokes weed and I want to try to so hard to lighten up and not worry about it but the anxiety associated with her doing it is absolutely killing me and I dont know what to do.