I’ve been working at this fucking disorder for 5 years now. And I keep fucking up and splitting and lashing out and making mistakes. I know what the recovery would look like. I knew going down this path would not be a perfect happy go lucky journey. It’s 2 steps forward, 5 steps back. Relapse after relapse, mistake after mistake, flash back after flash back. I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want to keep “working” on myself to just get through the next day. I felt “ok” for a bit but whoops I fucked up and ruined my day yesterday. Don’t you see how painful this is? I feel I need to convey this only through suicide. I am in constant pain and I’d rather just give up and give in. I’m sorry to anyone who knows me or cares. But I really can’t live with this demon that is BPD. You’ll understand why I truly felt once I’m gone. Only then does everyone understand, care, and have regrets. It’s sad I have to resort to suicide to have any form of love. That’s the way the world works.