My husband and I just had an argument that turned into a full blown fight. I am diagnosed with BPD, ADHD, and anxiety/depression as a result of child abuse. He grew up in a chaotic family and developed an avoidant personality. 


We are both wonderful, communicative, respectful, and lovey dovey 29 days in a month. 

Then we have an off day where it usually results in me feeling suicidal (which is me wanting to find relief). I think he will be happy that I’m gone because I made him so mad. But that’s not the truth of the situation. 

Today, he woke up hating life and was very cranky. I sensed that anything will make him overreact and blow up so I gave him space out of fear it would happen.

And it did. He came into our bedroom and we were just talking casually side by side. I mentioned that there’s a cool Meetup tonight that would be fun to go to. He got offended that I disrespected him by signing us both up.  “You should have asked me..” he said. I replied saying that he can say no. I am not holding him up with chains. 

He then raised his voice. I got scared at his aggressive behavior and I called him a b*tch. Stop acting like a b*tch. I said to sound brave.

He then wave his hand at me and pointed his finger aggressively and said “don’t you ever dare call me a bitch.”

My BPD then got triggered. I wanted a divorce. I needed to leave. I packed my stuff. When he saw that, he tried to restrain me and stop me from leaving. I then had a mental breakdown. I wanted to destroy everything. We just finally achieve financially stability in life. I wanted to throw all our expensive decor away because it’s a lie. It’s all a facade. He was able to calm me down. 

When I got back to my rational mind, I wanted to comfort him. I hugged him and told him thank you and sorry for calling him names. I was numb to name calling since my parents called me bad names growing up. It didn’t seem like a Big deal to me. Now he has a mental breakdown from having to help me out of BPD. 

He is currently out for 1 hour. Instead of thinking about suicide, I want to do better this time. That’s why I decided to share my pain with you. In hopes of finding compassion and warmth in this world. I am open to listening to your advice and truly finding a solution to heal my BPD and marriage.