Pre everything I was using my medication everyday for a year,  occasionally missing one. I was doing so well. Sleeping better, wasn't having extreme anger outbursts or randomly crying, wasn't nearly as paranoid ect.  My marriage became more stable.

Covid hit,  self isolation started. My Dr stopped working in her office, took a long time to get ahold of her and when I did she'd only give me a month at a time. Then she was suddenly on vacation. No way to get my meds before I was due for my refill. So decided to just stop. What's the worst that can happen? 

It's been 2 months off them now. Every single thing I struggled with came back, some worse than before. I  was already withdrawing before that thought dawned on me. Now it feels like things are falling apart again. I knew I needed to get back on them but I just couldn't pick up the phone to do it.

My husband had a bad day at work, came home in a bad mood.  Of course since other peoples moods effect me, it made me more down, spiking the paranoia. We got into a mild fight (no yelling) but it ended with him saying "why do I even try with you anymore?". Knife to the damn heart. I started my over reaction pattern, then I kinda just shut down for a day.

2 days later I was alone and calm enough to think rationally, not reactively. I realized that I'm being combative over little things and pushing him away causing extra unneeded stress. That was on me, I stopped my medication, I needed to deal with this now. I found another Dr who is in office and was willing to give me 3 months at a time.

I'm on day 3 of being on them again and hopeful that I can get back to where my progress was.

To say the least, I slipped and now have definitely learned my lesson.  I need my medication, and there's nothing wrong with that.