I'm a young male diagnosed with borderline/emotionally unstable personality disorder, ADHD, and a list of other things but these two are what really impend on my emotional regulation and executive function.  Firstly, I'm a complete abstraction of what it is to be a human who experiences full spectrum of emotion, it's as if my internal dialogue is someone else and I'm playing a character. My reactions, appropriate displays of emotion, affection, etc. For the past couple years It has been as if I plan out or act as I'm "supposed to" semi seconds before display of action. Everything feels like a facade; I dont feel real. I don't feel how other people describe their perception of reality at all. It's like I'm simply existing in a vessel, I walk, talk, and control this vessel yet I am not the vessel itself, simply the operator; except I'm slipping through the cracks: I'm slowly losing grip on the control I have, my empathy is dampening and I'm slowing idealizing acts subconsciously with quite malicious intent and atrocity level result. I'd rather not share what, though the ideal "targets" are in the social column of literal scum I know this is not a normal thing to pathologize day to day; and so, I am extending my thoughts to social media to get a second hand opinion: Should I reach out before the mask shatters ? 

Tl;Dr: Losing my mind, Bpd/ADHD starting to think I may be developing Disordered behavior attributing ASPD.