Recently my mental health has really been deteriorating. Ive tried talking about it with my mom but she just tells me im being dramatic and i honestly believe her. I realize I have it so much easier than many people and I dont really have much to complain about, but for some reason im not ok? I cant tell my dad because we dont really get along and i dont want to tell anyone at school because im afraid of opening up and then they tell everything to my parents. 

I honestly feel like im going insane like i could just snap at any moment. I have no motivation to do anything. Ive stopped doing all the hobbies i used to love, and it wasnt because i decided to either. over time i just lost so much motivation that i gradually stopped doing things i liked and didnt even notice it. My grades have been tanking recently and i honestly dont even care anymore. I always kept good grades because i wanted a scholarship for college, but at this point i dont even know if i can make it to college. 

Ive never seriously considered suicide but recently ive been seeing a lot of things that relate to it and sometimes i wonder if its a sign. I dont feel fully comfortable anywhere except my room, and my happiest days come when im home alone. I feel like an intruder in my own home and sometimes i dont even feel like a real person. all my days are becoming a blur and i feel like im not here at all. like im concious but i dont have control over myself. Ive picked up some very bad coping mechanisms i know i shouldnt be doing but thats the only way i feel in control.

Ive been told its just teenage antics and i honestly feel like it might be, but if its just teenage antics then why does it feel so serious? I want help and I want to get better but i just cant. Ive tried meditations, reading self help books, heck i even tried getting into philosophy to hopefully learn something helpful, but none of it has worked. this is honestly my last resort to find help or advice or a hug or anything. I know part of the problem are my parents but im too young to do anything about it. Im too young to get a job, a license, or an apartment, and ive considered either staying with a friend or just running away and being homeless but i feel like that would just cause unecesary problems. i feel stupid writing all of this down but im at my wits end.