BPD female married 3.5 years. Basically when I first got married I was living as with untreated bpd I had issues with my husband I felt he didn’t love me enough, that I wasn’t good enough for him, that he didn’t understand me, and to top it off I really wanted to explore bdsm and he wasn’t into it. We didn’t communicate well. I had a lot of blowups. I convinced myself that he didn’t want to be with me and I thought he was cheating on me so I started cheating on him. Fell deep into Tumblr and sex addiction. After about a year and a half of living a double life. I decided to leave him for a married couple in a few states away. But he begged me to stay, i told him the truth about everything and he still wanted me to stay. He agreed to go to couples counseling, I got my own therapist. We even went to a hypnotist together and things got better but I fucked him up. He has ptsd from the shit I’ve done to him. He can’t trust me. It sucks too because when he told me he still wanted to stay together even though I cheated on him, I realized how badly I had fucked up and misjudged the situation. It’s been a little over a year and things are so much better. I’m healthy most of the time and not acting out although he prob has a different opinion on that. Lately life has been stressful because I’m in the process of opening my own business. He saw that I had been paying an automatic fee on a Dropbox account and immediately thought I’m hiding something and being shady. Just such a hard place to be in because I love him and I’m not hiding anything but he doesn’t believe me. 