It’s a long story, but I want to know if I should stay in this relationship or not, mostly because of the things that have happened. More like things that I have caused. 
Long story short, we’ve been dating on and off for 2 years and 7 months. Ever since we met I had my bpd at its strongest. Impulsiveness and drug problems have made me break up with her and be rude, and a couple of times I’ve cheated on her. Plus I’m very indifferent at times since I just have total uninterest about her at times and I get rude and drive her away from me. I’ve caused a lot of pain to her in this relationship, she is aware of everything I’ve done and everything has happened when I go into a breakdown and a crisis. I say it’s my bpd’s fault I have this impulses but I feel I can’t hide behind that every time and I have to be responsible of my actions. 
Because all of the issues she developed anxiety and a mild depression as well as dependency towards me since I can be manipulative at times. 

I feel like a bad person and I regret it all, but I also feel I should leave for her own good, because of all the hurt I’ve caused and because she can’t, she won’t leave me. 

I’ve tried breaking up with her because of this but she always makes me believe it isn’t my fault and despite everything I’ve done it’s worth staying together.

Sometimes I think I don’t even love her, but then I convince myself this isn’t me thinking, it’s my bpd and trauma