I’m slowing slipping into depression because of this issue. I wish someone would help me out. But no one has replied in the subreddits I’ve posted this in 😞

TL;DR: parents told me (21,22f Indian muslim) that they’re going to marry me off in a year and my mental health has lost it.

Today my mother(48?) told me that I (an Indian Muslim living in India) need to loose weight and my dad will “marry me off” in a year. A little background info here is that I’m quite fat, in class 2 obese category. My parents keep taunting to get me to loose weight ever since I was a kid. Im aware of my weight and the problems with it and am currently struggling to lose it.today My mom said I need to lose weight quickly so they can get me married.

She said that since I’m not pursuing any “esteemed” college course, they don’t have to wait any longer. Im currently still a 12th grade graduate. I haven’t attended college yet. My education has been very troubled for the past 3 years. And just this year I got around enrolling myself in an online college in the Bachelor of Business Administration program.

So when my mother told me this, I didn’t show her any emotions because she doesn’t support my feelings and she’ll only say some more mean stuff if she sees I’m being weak.I maintained a poker face as well as I could and ended the convo with “yes I’ll do that” . I tried to tel her “I don’t want to get married” and she kept on saying that it’s their religious duty by god to marry me off (I’m a Muslim). Hence I said ok and left.

Ever since I left that room, my brain and body are in a turbulence. I can literally feel my hands shaking and my head feels so heavy and I can’t stop crying and worrying. I don’t want to go through this. I Can’t let them throw me into this. They’ve done something similar when I was 9 and now again. 

Please tell me how to think through this rationally. I want to calm myself, get through the year working hard and find a way to make money online. So that I can move out as soon as freaking possible. But I need to think and talk straight. Which I can’t. All my childhood painful memories and nightmares are just flashing before me. And I don’t want to cry in front of my parents because they say even more mean stuff and aren’t understanding at all. I don’t want them to suppress me even more after seeing how weak I am.

I don’t want to get married, I’ve always wanted to live single. And only get married after 27. But this is happening so soon. But I don’t even have any money to just run away from home and rent an apartment even. I’m not independent yet. I didn’t know they’ll force me to marry so soon even before I could generate some form of income.

I tried keeping this as short as possible so incase u need any other info pls just comment.