For the longest time I've been trying my best to keep things together. I grinded my ass off in school and once I finished I realized was all for naught as it's all friends of friends getting jobs and family helping family. So finding a job was hard. But I managed to find a few but none I held too long. Finally found one I've held on to. But my boss cut my pay repeatedly so not making anything near a livable wage. Most of my stuff is breaking. PC I use for work broke. My mother stole some of my rent money and tried to cover it up so I will be short when rent is due. My roommate intends to move out without telling so to leave the entire rent on me alone. I've been in a slump since 2017. I've contemplated suicide. I've been on the edge of doing it multiple times. But held off because of how much debt it'd leave my family in. The more wrong and out of control my life is spiraling the more I just feel like just breaking down. I find my entire situation hilarious. What did I ever do wrong to deserve shit to just keep kicking me down. Why me I wonder. I just want to get somewhere. I need help. I feel like if things keep on going wrong. The less that ties me to things and people the more tempting killing myself will seem. I always tried to find reasons to continue but the less things I have to hold onto the less there might be holding me back....I just need help. I so badly need to find some way to make my life worth something because I can't continue being alive if I'm not really living. What's the point of being alive if you can't even live....