This is my third time trying to write this. I kept accidentally refreshing and losing the info.

My psychiatrist when through the ways he thought I had BPD. diagnosed me with 8/9, three of which I know not to be the case. My therapist doesn't think that I have BPD.

I feel like I'm not normal anymore. He said that the diagnosis was only to help him treat me, but how can i not take this personally? Its a "personality" disorder. He's labelling who i am, not what i am experiencing in this moment of my life. My therapist notes the contexts of these things. 
I didn't even know my medication was to treat BPD symptoms. I thought it was for my depression. No wonder physicians look at me a little weird and ask me what it is for. Or at least that has been my past experiences, before I knew this.

I trust him professionally, but it shouldn't be that i learn his perspective on each of the symptoms two years after being his patient. I sometimes am quick to mistrust. But usually when it is due. So i trust him/not trust him at the same time and it's confusing.

There's so much more, so much info i lost in the refreshing. Maybe its for the best. I just want to feel normal. Not labeled. Not disordered. Not looked at like I'm "high-risk" when it's been over 8 months since i have been seriously suicidal and 6 months since my last self harm episode. Now i knoe ehy he insists on once a month sessions when i have been on the same medication for at least 11 months.

Even though i have improved with medication and non-DBT therapy, he thinks my improvement is just a part of a cycle in the personality disorder. Some months where things are gold and some that arent, etc.

I don't want this label to define me, because I know this is not who I am. I don't dissociate. I don't act impulsively. I don't participate in dangerous or harmful activities. I don't get "empty" (he thinks its hopelessness/sadness/not feeling. Hopelessness and sadness, sure. But that's depression. That went away when i started getting good treatment)

I don't know how to feel. I guess if the diagnosis isn't going to be seen by other providers in the future, then i can live with his diagnosis, even though i don't want to believe in it. 

Talking to my therapist tomorrow. She's the only authority on my treatment for interpersonal struggles. If she has i don't have it, then I don't. I'll have to keep convincing myself that I don't.

I'm leaving the country in four days. I don't need this right now