It’s sad. As a kid. Every picture I was smiling. I was somewhere fun - doing something adventurous. Everyone with me in the pictures we’re happy. 
The person I am now. I don’t like pictures. I don’t like looking at me. I don’t smile because I can’t anymore. 
The difference between me then vs now. 
Is devastating.

I’ve lost that ‘light’ - I’ve lost happinesses. I feel dead inside nowadays. I don’t dream. I don’t feel anything even when I’m drugged out of my mind. I try to get drunk and intoxicated just to feel something and even then it’s difficult. 
I couldn’t believe it. Who i am now. I wonder how my mother feels.
Seeing her son who carried the energy that I was unstoppable. 
To a now introverted, depressed, isolated disappointment. 
I haven’t achieved anything in years.

In constant financial struggle. Haven’t done anything for my mum yet alone myself.
I used to wonder when people speak about me - they always refer to the past.

How I would like to do things - how I was happy. How I had all these great relationships I was unaware of. Parties etc. 

Now if people found out how I’m living they probably wouldn’t associate with me. 
Nowadays I can’t tell you what I do.
What I like to do.
Nothing.

Seeing who I used to be and who I am now.
It truly is sad. 
Most my friendships are fading. 
I wish I could meet the old me.
The young me 
Just to see how I was before all the mess started. 

r/NothingButSadness