so today was a bad day, didn't help that I was tired , I also got hurt which I did cry so that also didn't help cuz my breathing was out of sink than I got told off and shouted at which is a trigger for me because of ptsd, I could feel myself going so I took myself away and tried to calm down but it didn't work and someone saw me I started having a bad anxiety attack couldn't breath was hysterically crying and this hasn't happened for ages. I feel so numb. it all happened at work which no one knows about my mental health only the ones who need to. three people caught me and the looks on there faces I scared them they didn't know what to do I hated it I couldn't control myself couldn't breath couldn't speak and I tried my best to never show this side to me at my work place. and I still can't stop crying its been two hours as soon as I saw my dad I broke down but he knows how to deal with it as iv had this since I was 6 and im now 17. I think the worst thing was scaring people at my work and I don't want then to see me differently and when I got home I broke down infrount of my family which makes me feel even more worse because it probably reminds them of the night I came home after my ending attempt I feel so guilty . I wish I didn't have this like why can't I be normal why coudknt I have waited and now my family are gonna think iv replaced. right now im number shaking and I can't do anything. the after math is so much worse im still crying like why . I hope this is the last one for a while cuz I can't keep doing this im ruining everyones life by acting like this im scaring them and putting stuff on them. I won't do anything but im scared im gonna shut myself away again I can't do it.