Well, I think it’s over before it even started. I fucked it up last night (explained in another post). I got a “good morning princess” text, but nothing since I replied and he “hearted” it. No acknowledgement of the desperate messages or calls- what the hell in the middle of this he just liked and commented on my instagram post. 

Bruh I literally am wearing his clothes, took a (prescribed, proper dose) sleeping pill, lit a candle next to the piece of art he gave me, listened to sad songs for hours, drew an emo picture of myself with my heart ripped out and everything is normal. 

Like now that I got his attention I don’t feel like I’m going to straight up die, but I can’t keep spiralling like this. It’s happening multiple times a week at this point. This can’t be good for my health. Like duh it’s bad mentally, but my heart was pounding all day and I couldn’t sleep all last night. The further I get into this relationship, the harder it gets to act normal. And the only thing that stops the spiralling is a scrap of his attention. Usually in the aftermath, I laugh like,” aha that was crazy huh🤪”, but it’s really not funny anymore.