I broke up with my ex almost 8 months ago. We dated for 7 years. The thing is nothing too bad happened between us, but I believe he was also borderline. Because what happened was I said that I want to break up, but then I changed my mind, saying that it was a mistake. Our relationship was not going well for a while. He would be commenting on my physical aspect a lot, our sex life was horrible as he was saying I'm a starfish and I would be toxic to him back saying what kind of man he was if he doesn't want sex. Then he would say bad things to me often, like criticizing everything that I was doing, how I cook, that I'm a basic bitch. Anyway, we unfortunately became very toxic to each other and I guess he also didn't want to be with me anymore. But the thing is that I wanted to repair things, and for a month till I found another place for rent I would ask him if he wanted to make up. He would say no, and also later mentioned that he wanted to suicide later in life and that is one of the reasons he doesn't want to make up. How do I move forward, knowing that I was the one who initiated it, yet I was turned down for a continuous month by him. And it left me so stuck up in the past. I feel abandoned because of it. I'm filled with constant regret and guilt. I can't accept the break up even though maybe he wasn't right for me either. How do you cope with abandonment and guilt?