I have both clinical depression and OCD. My OCD is mostly to blame for my depression, and my depression is largely to blame for my lack of motivation towards ocd treatment. Lately life has just felt so hopeless. I cannot remember the last time that I have wholeheartedly looked forward to anything in my life, and worst of all, my life has just started, I am 19 years old. On top of all of these issues, I have no friends and a toxic family dynamic, mostly because of my siblings. I have time off from college until the middle of January and the only thing I've been doing is playing my instruments for most hours of the day. I really can't seem to find any sort of reason to keep going on. I just can't seem to accept the fact that I have two severe conditions that typically worsen with age. I really can't find any sort of hope. I miss life before these hardships.