decided to just chill today and being so understimulated makes me feel like death. it is so painful, it is like being sucked into a vortex from the middle of your chest. no not a heart attack. but i feel like a piece of paper. and super disconnected from everything around me and people. it is like i am the only thing that exists, nothing beyond. there is not even much to say about this, just that it is not nice. it is mean, cruel and hurtful. to feel like this. i feel like i have been reduced to a single atom so that i cant even see anything because that would require for u to have much more atoms to build two eyes out of them. writing this gave me a peck of stimulation..... and now after i post this i will immediately return to a blank state again, feeling nothing but ideals.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................