I really want to hurt myself again. It's been a year or so since I ended up in hospital from nearly commiting. The thing bothering me is that my body is already so covered in scars and they just make me feel worse when I look at them, however the thing I want to do most recently is just to cut myself again. Now I'm getting depressed because I don't feel the passion to do that to myself anymore. I don't want to talk to my family or friends about it because I know they'll start seeing me as a weaker person again. 
I just want to write this somewhere and see if anyone else understands what I feel. 
The most attention I had and enjoyed was the few months after my attempts, though I am glad that I am here today and will be tomorrow the thought of being here and having to be here for so much longer is so heavy on my mind. Something stupid &amp; primitive inside of me that just wants to see the blood and feel the pain of being alive again.