So I have a problem with shutting down. If I miss read someone's tone I will just freeze up and shut down. My mind starts racing and I convince my self that I'm annoying or that I'm a bother.

The other day I was watching TV with my friend and we were just chit chatting while we watched the show. I ended up asking them a question and they just didn't quite hear me and asked me to repeat. I misread the tone and immediately shut down. Told them it was nothing and never mind. 

My mind however was racing a million miles an hour and so I went to my room to calm down and let my mind settle. My mind keep telling me I was a bad friend and was being annoying. However I eventually convince my self to go back out. My friend always tells me when I have these shutdowns that they do still like me and that I'm not annoying. So I forced my self back out into the living room to prove to my self that they do want me around.

I get out there and sit down. However when I try to talk to them they just ignored me at first. Then when I said something again they asked if I could go away. I just felt my heart drop, it hurt so bad. All I could conclude was that my kind was right. I am annoying and I am a bother. How can I convince my self my friend wants me around when they tell me to go away?

I've been working so hard to fight my mind and what it trys to convince me of. But when I finally do succeed and force my self forward, my kind just gets proven right.