I'm currently going through a sort of splitting I believe, I'm extremely cold to my gf and I'm ignoring her completely as of now. She is really struggling but I just don't see her how I used to, I see her as something I hate so much and don't want to interact with. I cannot communicate with her and she has told me that she is extremely hurt by my actions and feels so alone and isolated, yet I feel like it doesn't effect me right now, I feel so filled with anger and hatred towards myself and everything. I want to end it and I don't even want to be near her because of how I view her. I've treated her like this in the past and have verbally degraded her multiple times, yet she's so kind and loving but I feel like I can't stop. I hate myself for being like this, I want to end myself so others don't have to have me in their lives as I've ruined so many people. 

I'm just so lost.