I can't improve my life 100% on my own with no help whatsoever. 

I'm a 31 year old virgin. I haven't had friends in 7 years. I'm not gonna ask out women out and about (my only exposure). 

I can't compete with regular dudes anymore. I'm a husk. I'm Tobey from the office in all facets of life.  I've been removed from life for too long. 

These aren't thoughts I generate myself just a combination of mental illness and social media. 

I'm supposed to be working on something outside of work and just put it off until my mind is right but I dont. I wouldn't be this lazy if I had mental clarity. Its just pointless to try when I'm this scattered. May end up fucking me up.  Even this venting is pathetic. My own behaviors are negative cycles I find hard to get out of. 

Its crazy I do all this and then just die. Really not that smart of a life form. Its like where more like beavers or ants; good at engineering but otherwise kinda stupid animals still.