Like in the title, I was born prematurely. This is common, right? Except for the fact, the only way for me to make sense, I have to think critically before I can say anything, to the point where, I'm much better just communicating through a computer simulator. Basically like my computer.

Ever since I became a critical thinker, It came with some negative drawbacks. Like memories of people yelling at me, me doing some other f'd up stupid ish, things like that. I'm easily irritated by insults. Like, I go back and analyze them endlessly for them to leave me alone like its a drug. Its like I can hear ish 100% in my head, I can't get away from it. And my previous stupidity is the reason I became a critical thinker in the first place, because I'm at least theoretically "smarter" in that sense. Its like my only hope for closure. But more everyday, I just can't help but to re-analyze all my cringe reflections, things I've been thru, harsh experiences because of how aware of them I am. And the more irritated I am by them, the more depressed that make me. And that depression turns into anger because its just an eternal loop.

I was hoping becoming a critical thinker would teach me not to repeat the same inconsistencies but are essentially reminding of how much they're still with me. Just one thought away. And all it takes is one knock.