My dad drove up to the town I’m currently staying at to go fishing with me. It was a good day, but my dad ended up having too much to drink. We had a long conversation over some beers and eventually I was able to open up to my dad about the fact that I may have adhd and would like to go get tested and would like some help figuring out where to do that. 

He then went on a rant about how I don’t need to get tested because “if you have it you will know”. Both of my brothers have very clearly had adhd since elementary, but school was always easy for me up until college and I never actually had to apply myself to be successful. So as far as I know my parents both think I’m their only kid to get by without any “mental difference” for lack of a better term right now. And honestly I thought it was because I have always been really good at putting on a mask and hiding my anxiety and have not experienced any severe depressive thoughts until recently. 

But then about 5 minutes later, my dad told me that he knows I push my anxiety down and I’ve done it my whole life. Which honestly makes it even harder to reach out to someone about it because it seems like they don’t really care enough to help me even when I do ask for help and even though they know I struggle with it they have never asked about my mental state. The adhd thing was really hard for me to bring up. 

I don’t really know what else to do anymore.