I will never forgive myself for this. I am a horrible person, because it's all my fault. Fifteen years ago, I met "Miriam" at a summer camp in the United States (I'm from Canada). We were both counselors. We had a great connection, and I liked her a lot. However, I had a girlfriend at home. I liked my girlfriend a lot, and before Miriam, I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her.

There was another counselor our age named Luke. Luke was that kind of dude that hooked up with anyone available. He tried hooking up with Miriam, but I was jealous and petty and told him that he couldn't because I liked Miriam. Of course, everyone told Miriam what I said. She got super excited, and on the last day of camp, she asked me if I liked her. I realized then that I never bought up the fact that I had a girlfriend. I denied what I said, and I had to tell her the truth. Her disappointed look is forever burned into my mind.

After, Miriam tried requesting to follow me on Facebook. I rejected the request, because I thought that by not being in contact with her, and by not looking at her pictures, I could forget about her more easily. She saw that I rejected it, and she blocked me. My girlfriend and I broke up for unrelated reasons not too long after, and I wanted to contact Miriam, but I was too ashamed for leading her on.

Miriam and Luke kept in contact over the course of several years. They crossed paths again because of a work conference, and they started going out. Then, four years ago, they got married. I was devastated when I found out. It would be a stretch to say that I liked her, because by that time, it was nearly a decade since I spoke to her, but my feelings have never entirely gone away.

I didn't know that Miriam had issues. She was physically and verbally abused as a child. She never had a guy like her, and her family would always criticize her physical appearance. So when I rejected her, she took it really hard. She didn't speak to her friends anymore, and was even physically aggressive at times. She contemplated suicide, and attempted it once when a guy at her school that she liked had feelings for another girl. She told a mutual friend of ours that she believed that I conspired with the Canadian government to fall in love with him as a type of sick experiment. I know, really out there (I suspect Luke planted the idea in her mind). Turns out, Miriam was diagnosed with bipolar.

When Miriam and Luke got married, Luke asked that she be financially dependent on him, as long as she cooks and cleans. Miriam always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but she was pressured by her family to be self made. She became a housewife, and moved to Luke's town on the other side of the country (Miriam is from New England, and Luke is from the Pacific Northwest). Whenever Miriam visited her family for special holidays, she'd always wear heavy makeup. This was because once, a cousin discovered that she had a black eye.

Two years ago, Miriam gave birth to a little boy. One day, the baby (two months old at this point) spilled Luke's coffee, and Luke slapped him and pulled his hair. Miriam yelled at Luke, and he physically and sexually tortured her. She died from blunt force trauma later that day.

I will never forgive myself. For not being honest with Miriam. For not breaking up with my girlfriend the moment my feelings for her were gone. For not reaching out to Miriam after all these years. For not just letting Miriam hook up with Luke, but then she wouldn't have been so drawn to him because I wouldn't have broken her heart. For letting her marry an abusive bastard that hurt her and her baby.

Tl;dr: led a girl on, broke her heart, and indirectly pushed her to a guy that abused and later killed her