My boyfriend told me yesterday that he is moving out and that he can’t handle my BPD and splitting anymore. I completely understand him. I’ve packed up all his things before and kicked him out, I’ve screamed at him, I’ve thrown things at him. None of which I meant, but in the moment I don’t know what I’m doing or what’s happening. I FEEL SO BAD. he didn’t deserve any of that, he is the kindest most loving and generous human alive. I just can’t be loved and pushed him away from me. I haven’t been able to stop crying. 

He said he just wants space and wants me to get help and get under control. I think he really just wants to leave but I believe him because he has never lied to me before. 

I’m not going to let this disorder control my life anymore. I am going to do all that I can to get better and stop hurting the one person I love more than anything.