So, I just got an official diagnosis for BPD and I definitely had an "FP". She was legitimately one of my best friends and I one of hers but I had an unhealthy obsession with her. I didn't realize at the time that it was because of BPD and I could see myself slowly driving her away with my constant boundary pushing (nothing awful mind you, at worst some inappropriate texts) and attachment issues. Yet I had no idea how to stop it and I didn't know why I was doing it. I didn't know what to do, and I was afraid to back off because I didn't know how to deal with not filling every crevice of my head with thoughts of her.

About 5 months ago she ghosted. I legitimately wanted to off myself after I realized she wasn't coming back. After all this time, I still think about her every day but until recently I didn't know why I'd let it get so bad. But now I know it was BPD. She hasn't spoken a word to me since August 22nd 2019. Even when we're in the same room, she pretends I'm not there and it's torture. I don't know what to do. I wish I could sit her down and apologize with all my heart for the way I treated her. I want to tell her about this diagnosis, about FPs, about how fucking hard I'm working to fix my broken brain. I know if she did come back I could actually handle setting some proper boundaries simply cause I'm actually aware it needs to be done.

I would still consider her my FP even though she won't talk to me. I don't really know what to do. I wish I could get her back but with some healthy boundaries, or get her out of my life, but we have mutual friends so I still have to see her somewhat often. Anyone have advice?