Hello everyone , 

I hope you may help me because I don’t know what to do anymore. I suspect my BF (26M) May have BPD but I don’t dare talk to him about it. We are in a very fragile situation, and I am terrified of the idea of breaking up with him. I am so attached to him that When I thought it was over I cannot describe the sharp pain, I do think about suicide - I never EVER thought I would.

What happened is that the situation got me off guard. It has been exactly 3 years of relationship and I was the happiest girl alive. My partner is very attractive, a great overachiever (Carrier + side business + many sports, even some extreme ones ).... he is really dreamy, but I swear that what I appreciate the most is his soul... at least until 3 weeks ago. He was an angel to me, we met and there were no games, we directly got together in a few weeks, were supper cuddely, great sex, great time together and with friends, moved in together one year after. 

Ok it is true that we lost some of our sex life - since we moved in together, there was less pressure for always having sex (before we met every 2 days and we always had sex). So when living together we got a bit too confortable, we would play video games , have friends over, less dates, became buddies ... ok, BUT we would always cuddle ALL The time and love was there.

The last few months sex became very rare. I sometimes took initiative and he didn’t respond much. I left him alone most of the time because he is training very hard for one of his sports for a huge competition. Turns out it was not that....

3 weeks ago, some days after our 3rd anniversary, he starts kissing me, only to tell me later : « I am afraid I am not able to be happy like this... I miss having sex with other women! I know I am a pig... it is sexual .I am so so sorry to cause you pain, I know how happy you are. I have been struggling with this for months... I had no easy solution. I could have cheated on you but wouldn’t be able to look myself I. The mirror »

I was in TOTAL panic, I had NOT seen it coming because he was so into cuddles the last days - he then explained to me that it was because he thought I would leave him in the instant and that they were our last cuddles.
So I was in shock, total panic and denial, and just asked him « so you want us to split up ? » he said « No! » .... we spent the night crying in agony. I saw my world crumbling and had. I idea what I would do. At some point during the night I called my high school bestie because, she understands me very well, is very smart, and also loves in another continent, so if I told her instead of my other friends it wouldn’t be « real » yet. I came back to bad and told him We May consider trying the open relationship .... he was happy about it, wouldn’t believe it.... we ended up having sex. 

Now, I am NOT stupid, and I am NOT delusional. I know very well that 1. Open relationships are very difficult 2. This one would be one sided almost (I may flirt one day but don’t care about other guys). 3. I will be hurt 4. He probably just doesn’t love me enough 5. He actually is a pig/ or just hyper sexual / or a narcissist ...../ he actually doesn’t believe in monogamy 
I am very aware that all these are most probable ... I am very fragile right now(even suicidal) but not stupid.

But here it is, why I think he may have BPD ;

1. His sister has it, been diagnosed as a teen, pretty severe form. I know there is a genetic factor
2. I saw there is a correlation between hypersexuality and BPD 
3. I saw that there may be a correlation between over achievement/doing LOTS of things, and believe me, he does LOTS of things. He is always looking for more, in career , business, spots (extremes). He is already the leader in his group of friends, but always looking for more...
4. He is, at least in some ways, attached to me, but now I don’t recognize him anymore ... there are some days when he is very detached. He is already looking actively to find other girls (aqquitancies and dating app), since I technically said OK. 
5. I saw BPD may manifest et this age

Well basically those are the only reasons ...
On the other hand, he never had a real Manic episode as in saying incoherent stuff... but he does do everything very differently then others (and is very successful each time).
Concerning depression, I don’t know if he would hide it, I think with all the sports he does, all the friends, and how much he keeps him self busy (if he gets bored for instance he just makes a few friend go with him for a week of free fall parachute- just an example) -&gt; so depression has no time to manifest. 

But so I am wondering if BPD Is what he has. I think he would be in denial about it for long time, even though he is not stupid. I suggested therapy just for dealing with the open relation ship stuff (each on their own, not couple). He is a bit stubborn about it, says he « knows himself fine » but he might do it. Before you think I am a total looser, he does do some efforts, said he would accept the rules I put for the open relationship thing, is super sweet on some days...  Yet he WAS ready to loose me over this. He said not only he would be very sad to loose me, but even thought he would be alone because not many girls would accept this. And still he REALLY needed it, so the hypersexuality thing is real. What bothers me is that, I am not stupid - I get that it will not only be sex. What he missies is also seducing ... showing how attractive and achieved he is... so there is this narcissistic aspect also.

Now I don’t know what to do. Of course I think all the time about leaving him, running, getting out of here ASAP. That is what I would have told a friend 1 month ago. Truth is I now know I have my own issues. Each time he is far I saw myself thinking about suicide, like seriously! It was my only comfort. When he comes back to me it is also comforting, but - since again, I am not stupid and I know we will probably break up - now I feel alone even when he is here.
Btw I told him many times he should not stay with me out of pity because I will be down for a few months but will get my self together (as If!). Or out of inertia, just some « sister/brother attachement », not real love, or out of fear of having to move, confront friend and family... he said no, you can forget all that, I do love you... 

Which gives me some hope still... and yet keeps me in this prison. 

My questions for you BPD friends are :

1. Do you recognize these patterns ?
2. Are you more prone to loosing love/just be sexually interested in other ppl ? Get detached from your main partner ?
3. Do you think if he agrees to go once or twice to a therapist he may be diagnosed ? I hope he will be cooperative 
4. Do meds help in this case ?
5. Is there a chance he still loves me and actually we can work through it together ?
 6. If I want to stay with him longer as possible (because yes I AM that week, that much in love) what should I do? I saw in a lot of posts I must always be on eggshells ... not annoy him, not trigger whatever...


Thanks a lot if you read all that, 
And good luck to you! I know you are the ones suffering the most.