I have been fine all morning. I was comfortable and relaxed. I was a little bored but not to the point where I NEEDED to do anything about it. Content is a good word to use I guess. 

My boyfriend expressed he was super bored and suggested we go for a ride and get some food. I got all ready to go. I looked at the sky... white weather.... overcast, bright white color and the air just has an uncomfortable heaviness to it. I gave it a shot but I should have known better. 

We went through the drive thru at a McDonalds. The first thing that sent me into this downward spiral was the interaction between my boyfriend and the drive thru worker over the speaker. It seemed so loud and it hurt my ears ans head. I regrettably made a comment that could have been mistaken for me complaining and being rude so that made my boyfriend feel weird. That wasn't my intent. It just felt like that set the tone for the rest of the ride when i didnt mean it the way it came out. It just legitmatley hurt my ears because it seemed like they were raising their voices. I think maybe I am just super sensitive to loudness. 

So then we left McDonalds. In my head i assumed he was going to park so we could eat before it got cold. We got aways down the road and I asked whete we were going and he said, "This way." All of a sudden I just got really uncomfortable and agitated and my brain just went on overdrive. Every logical place to me where we could have parked he proceeded to pass and I didnt want to further damage the mood. I finally spoke up and he parked at a business that was open which made me uncomfortable. And then the next place was a place that was closed but he went out back and to me it just felt sketchy to park there. I finally couldnt take it anymore and told him i wanted to just go home. On the way home i had to shut my eyes and just focus on my breathing so i wouldnt have a full fledged panic attack. I was so uncomfortable with not knowing the plan or where we were going and was getting aggravated that the food was getting cold. 

I am so tired of my anxiety ruining everything for me. I cant even go on a normal drive with my boyfriend without this happening. 

I knew the air felt heavy and that the white weather was going to make me feel like crap. 

Ugh, I wish I could have a do over  for today :(