I’m almost 18 now. I have a relatively big family ( 4 kids, parents together, my grandfathers live with us). Every single day when I plan to go out I am nervous about how, when I’m gonna hang out with my friends and how I’m gonna come back home cause my dad is serious about coming too late (22:00 is THE maximum). Every hour I would look at the clock and think of how I’m gonna ask him to drive me home (cause he usually does after work), or how I would explain why I’m late and etc. Basically any kind of communication with him gives me anxiety because I’m always scared of him and his reaction. The fact of being with him in one room makes me uncomfortable because of our not really great relationships. It got a bit fucked up after we had fights about him smoking and me being sad most of my 11-14 yo period and it was annoying him at family gatherings. 
Rn my mom and him are talking loudly/arguing about work and hearing it from my room gives me little panic attack, also because I really love my mom and she is the wisest and usually most positive woman/mom I know. 
All of it, I think, also got reflected on my day to day life, cause I’m always nervous about my responsibilities, especially family/sister ones. My dad is not a tyrant, he actually loves us very very much, but he has fiery temperament and usually acts like a child when smth goes not his way and everybody in family is on pins and needles if he is not in a good mood. 
I’m so sick of this all and I’m really looking forward to moving to college to another country. 
I appreciate if you read till this point, thank you for giving an opportunity to vent.