it feels like just yesterday i was 13 years old coming home from school and spending hours staring at the blank wall. five years have passed since then and i feel the exact same. i didn't know it was possible for my personality and body to have changed by leaps and bounds as my inner mind, my consciousness and sense of identity have frozen at the age of 13.

please. i just want to let it all go. i have a feeling it'll still be like this for five years, ten, two decades from now. i wish so badly otherwise but i'm far too exhausted for optimism. i never asked for any of this. i just want to be free of my brain, free of all thought and consciousness. i've wasted my entire childhood struggling to stay above the water. i just want to let go and drown