My story is that I worked at a job that I climbed the ranks in quickly. I took a job in the same dept I didn’t want but it would push me and was the “next step.” Burned out and went to a startup where I thought it would be better LOL. Shit show - Lasted 6 months and came back to the old gig. Then I got an offer for 62k more than what I was currently making a few months after coming back but I loved that old/current job and honestly was like hey I’ll retire here but just couldn’t turn down the oppty and the money. 

The new oppty (one I’m in now) is all presentations, type A personalities, great benefits, better work life, better money but all I do is think about my old job bc of how much I liked it AND bc how great I was at it and how easy It came to me. I paid my dues for years, fought mental health, and came out the other side a pro and confident. And I left it… fucking TWICE. I feel like a moron but I was overworked and underpaid BUT I loved the job, the people, the company. I worked 7:30 am - 5 pm with little to zero breaks but I was done at 5 usually. I wouldn’t take vacations without logging in bc I had so much work it wasn’t worth it so all of that led me to the next job for 62k more. But I got here and again little to ZERO training and just expect to know everything and if not I suck.

I also hate presenting often. I’m in sales and great with people but I LOATHE IT. Love the pay but hate the bullshit. Just deep in my own head trying to tell myself I did this to better myself but can’t help but feeling like I fucked up again and am completely restarting which kills me when I was at a REALLY good place before this.. ARGH. Am I being a scared asshat or am I valid here? I prefer a job where I’m behind the scenes, quoting, helping sales operations/processes and only come out to solve issues and now I’m just the guy presenting and I fold 8/10 times. Everyone says I’m a great people person, crush it at presos, etc. But my mental health, physical health and sleep take a toll. I stay up all night thinking about the preso or work until I’m comfy and confident and it just kills me bc I know it’s going to take so much time and work.

Thanks for reading if you got this far. Kind of need a face slap or a pep talk. I want to be better but feel like I just keep fucking up and freezing with fear. Also have some massive anxiety issues that I’ve been working through for years!