I have not been diagnosed with BPD, but I am seeing a new therapist in a few days.

In the past, anytime I made a friend I would be really into it for a little while. Then I would get bored (and also insecure) and start ghosting them until they stop reaching out to me. I'm very insecure and would have to dress up in makeup just to hang out with friends. It felt like a chore, so I eventually ended up ghosting all my childhood friends. I haven't made a new friend in years. A married couple at my job keep inviting me over (like everyday) and I say no everytime. For no reason.

Here's the catch: I don't really like people that much. I don't find them interesting. I'm an introvert and I prefer to spend time alone. However, my mom died when I was only 10 years old. So maybe that made me afraid? I'm scared of the mask mandate being dropped because then my coworkers will see my ugly face for the first time. I might even quit my job when that happens and look for another one. I hate the idea of someone thinking I look a certain way, and then being disappointed when I take the mask off.

Could these be symptoms? Also, how long did it take for you to get diagnosed?