i was diagnosed with depression in my early teens, and it got really bad around 2018/2019 and i essentially have spent then until now living from my bed. i’m talking 23 hours a day. i didn’t even get up for food, someone had to bring me meals otherwise i just wouldn’t eat.

now i’m on medication, attempting to learn how to live again. the problem with spending several years of your life in a bed is your body very quickly deteriorates. my muscles don’t work; i struggle to stand for any length of time, walking leaves me in pain for days afterwards, sitting up in a chair makes me dizzy because i have no core strength. i had to buy a chair for my shower a few months back because my vision kept blacking out. standing at the sink for 2 minutes to brush my teeth can leave me struggling to catch my breath. random parts of my body cramp up or go entirely numb.
i’m in a place in my mental recovery where i want to start doing things again but i’m scared to because of the state i’m in physically.

i haven’t seen a doctor about this. i’m embarrassed to, and i’m honestly terrified to be told i’ve caused long term damage. i’ll admit i’m a hypochondriac, struggled with health anxiety from a young age, so i may be overthinking this but i’m genuinely terrified i’ll have a heart attack or something. i’m 19, i finally want to live again and i want to break the habit of staying in bed but it’s made even harder when i’m scared to physically exert myself in any way.