Every day is stressful. I try to distract myself but then my distractions become triggers for bad feelings because I use them when I'm feeling bad. Even music stresses me out. Numbers stress me out. 

Nicotine helps a bit. I just feel so out of place though. I'm having eating anxiety again. That's where everything feels like it's kind of spinning and I cant focus enough to eat. I cant talk about it to people because that makes it worse. Sometimes when I try to confess how I'm feeling, it doesnt come out right and I feel like I'm floating, cant feel my arms or legs. Then I start shaking. 

I feel like I'm beyond help a lot. Its like my mind has a mind of it's own and I cant control it. I'm not attached to my self. I dont even recognize myself when I look in the mirror. I'm a soul with a mind. But it feels like I have no control. I lose connection. 

I'm not sure what to do because I feel like this only gets worse. The worse it gets, the less I can talk about it. I'm not sure why I'm experiencing these things.