My mom and I were talking during our car ride home about my relationship with my step dad. To summarize, my step dad and I are both intellectuals, and he's always around to listen whenever I ask him for advice. However, I don't feel particularly close with my step dad, as he has his own emotional barriers up due to his own negative life experiences. 

Anyway, this discussion led my mom to remind me of how my step dad had advised me years ago not to major in philosophy. My step dad told me I'd struggle to find a good job with a degree in that. He was right, but I digress. 

During college, I met my now ex-boyfriend, who ended up being abusive to me later on down the line. After college, I had trouble finding a "real" job, so I worked at a call center, booking hotel rooms for people. I loathed that job. My ex suggested that I find a job where he was living. I ended up finding an entry level position at a residential foster care facility for adolescent girls. So, I packed my things and moved out of my mom's house and into my ex's mom's basement with him. 

The foster care job was exceedingly difficult. You see things you can never unsee. You hear about things you can never unhear. You're constantly picking up pieces that someone else left behind. Sometimes, that job was physically demanding. But, most of the time, it was mentally and emotionally taxing. 

However, at the end of the day, I did genuinely like that job. I think that's the only job I can say that about. 

My position was only entry-level. I wasn't cut out for management, and, if I wanted to move up any further without being a shift supervisor, I would have had to further my education. Barriers kept getting in the way. First, my bipolar reared its ugly head. I was out of commission doing a partial hospital program for about a month. After that, I faced financial barriers. I had racked up a lot of debt during past manic episodes, and going back to school wasn't in the cards at that time. A little while later when I was more financially secure, my ex had started being abusive to me, and he was firmly against me furthering my education. 

Today, I am still trying to get a better handle on my bipolar. Plus, there's a good possibility I now have PTSD from the trauma my ex put me through. So, I think it's safe to say that I missed my shot at working in the social work field. Even though my bipolar is getting to a better place and should be close enough soon, there's the trauma issue. I got triggered at my last job, because a man screamed and banged on things over a TV not working right. I'm just too sensitive now to handle the injustices and traumas that social work would bring. 

Maybe if I had never gotten with my ex, I somehow would have found my way in a social work position anyway. Maybe then, I wouldn't have had as many stressors to trigger my bipolar, and thus would have been mentally and financially prepared for school. Of course, it's just useless speculation.