So, the thing is I'm mostly doing fine. I have my meds, and my family and BF and friends and all. But some really big changes happened in my life this year.

One of my best friends (who has a lot of mental health struggles herself) fucked up in some major ways and hurt a lot of people (including me) and we're not really talking right now. This sucks because even hurt I love her and feel responsible for her (I'm terrified she'll kill herself and it'll be my fault).

Me and my boyfriend are having some bedroom issues, which make me insecure about myself but I don't want him to worry about me on top of dealing with his stuff, so I really need a neutral party to talk to about this.

My grandma died in march and it still hurts a lot.

So even though I'm not self harming or doing anything crazy or whatever, I'm having panic attacks and shit and I know I need help. BUT also college takes all my time and I have a job, and because of how healthcare works in my country I'd need a therapist who accepts my health plan AND has hours that match my free time, which is kinda impossible. Because of this issue, I've had like 5 therapists in two years which sucks because we can't build something and they can't really get to know me and my history.

But I want to go to therapy. NOW, before these issues overwhelm me or make me regress in my treatment, but even if I manage to find a therapist, I know it won't last because our schedules won't match for long.

What the hell do I do?