Hey idk why im typing this but i cant continue like this im 19 and i have adhd and autism i always had a dream and that dream was to become a f16 pilot i did hard studies even though i couldnt study at all bcs of my adhd i tried an tried and it never worked i was 15 when i went to the doctor bcs i had back ache and the doctor told me i had scoliosis im sorry if i make typos 
He told me i could never become a pilot 
I had a girlfriend at the time for about a year and the same day she told me she cheated on me that was to much i spiraled into a depression and drug abuse thats still goin on today i have tried to kill myself once and i failed (drug overdose) my family told me they would all kill themselfs if i did it so i didnt 
I had a rough time and when i was 18 i joinesd the army 
It was goin "ok" for a while untill they moved me to a cleaning job 
I hate this job and im not very social bcs of my autism 
Every day when i come home i smoke and push everyone away from me 
The only flicker of light i see is my family 
My sister is kinda my best friend and yesterday i told her i wanted to finally open up more and be around people more i had a plan set up to stop smoking and i felt motivated and happy 
I said i think im going to be more in touch with the family and not be in my room all day
And her response was dont you are to much of a burden that fucking broke me i feel so fucking sad and alone 
Idk why i even bother to tell people this nobody cares anyways