I just don't know what I'm supposed to do now. 


If you've seen my previous posts, my GF is in prison atm. And the whole situation just seems to get worse and worse. We thought she'd be going to court to be sentenced on the 6th Dec, but yesterday I found out that isn't the case. That's when the judge decides either she stays were she is, gets sent to a psychiatric hospital or gets bailed until her actual court date which isn't going to be until next fucking April. It does sound like they are taking her mental health seriously which is good. But if she is going to be locked up in the psych hospital, it's like 100 miles away. And it will be until April next year. I literally cannot handle this shit. 


I was kinda doing okay until yesterday, I went to see her in prison, was with her mum. I don't know why but maybe it just made this all so much more real. I feel like I'm falling apart again. I want to SH so fucking bad. I want to drink until I pass out. I just want to stop all this pain. I can't fucking take this. 


If she doesn't get bailed on the 6th and is locked up for months I have no idea how the fuck I'm supposed to cope. She's the only good thing in my life and now I've lost her. I've got nothing, and I don't want anything. I just want to be in her arms. This is killing me, quite literally. I keep crying. I just want to die. This hurts so much.