My (ex)boyfriend and I broke up today. I believe I have quiet BPD and suffer from 7 or 8 of the BPD traits. I'm currently looking for a therapist but I guess that's besides the point. I have been through a lot of trauma in my life and I have a lot of triggers. I treated my ex poorly at times and I acknowledged that but after he cheated on me I was/am just very insecure and I felt unwanted and unheard by him. It seemed like I was getting triggered by even the smallest things. It finally got to the point where enough was enough. He said he hates how things are great and then horrible and how after things go bad I can just act fine the next day. I tried explaining to him that I'm doing the best I can and it wont be like this forever. It just seems like he didn't care and made up his mind a long time ago. I just don't know how to act or what to do right now. I really wanted us to work and I was willing to put in the work so we could work but I just don't know anymore. He says he is willing to still try but when ever anything bad happens, shit hits the fan and I just feel like his "commitment" is conditional and fake. 

I don't have any friends or anyone to talk to right now and I just wanted to be heard by someone so sorry for how random and all over the place this is. I'm just really hurting and having a hard time trying to cope with the splitting and impulses I'm currently having.  I have never said these things to anyone outside the relationship until now and I don't really know the difference between how I feel and what the truth is.