Two years ago I stopped going to therapy because my therapist said I no longer needed treatment and that I had all the tools to manage my depression without it.

A little backstory…

I had been going to therapy for a couple of years and had been diagnosed with major depression, chronic PTSD and general anxiety disorder. Before starting therapy I hadn’t been dealing with my issues well, that is to say I was ignoring them and not dealing with them at all. That led me to develop a severe drinking problem to the point that my wife and I nearly divorced due to my drinking and several very poor decisions on my part. I didn’t know what to do and was seriously contemplating ending it all at the time. I decided, after nearly a year at the bottom of the bottle that I needed to get help and so I sought out therapy. 

I spent the better part of two years seeing a therapist, 6 weeks of which was spent in an intensive outpatient rehab program for my alcohol abuse. After all that my therapist had a conversation with me during one of our sessions. Before I get into the conversation I will say I am in the military which will help some of this make more sense. Anyway, she told me that I had been in therapy for so long and was listed as non deployable for so long that I was being considered for a medical review board. Basically that means that because of my situation they were going to make a determination on if I was fit to continue serving in the military, and according to her my outlook was unfavorable. So she gave me an ultimatum. She said I would need to show significant improvement in my symptoms or I would be processed out of the military. 

I didn’t know what to do. I had been in the military for 9 years at that time and that was my only means of providing for my family and I didn’t have a fall back plan. So of course I miraculously “got better”. A few weeks later she said I was ready to be done with therapy. 

Fast forward to now. I am currently separated from my family due to a dependent restricted tour overseas. Being away from my support system has made me realize that I never actually improved, but instead reverted to old habits of masking my issues and now I feel like all of it is dialed to 11. I’m afraid to seek therapy through the military again because I’m worried they will try to kick me out again if I do. 

Anyway, not really sure what I am looking for with this post. Maybe just someone to talk to.