I never cried much even as a baby. After 3 months it just kinda stopped, my parents told me, that I was a really quiet baby. Now I‘m 18, have been diagnosed with depression with 14 and can count the times I‘ve cried in 2020 and 2021 (since i haven‘t cried at all till now, despite already wanting to die on January 1st, cuz something bad happened) on my hands (probably one hand) and considering how often I feel like crying, and just being sad, that‘s absolutely nothing. I always just start laughing, screaming and punching against walls. One time I really thought I should cry and listened to hypnosis, but it really just made me angry and wanna kick something. I do cry sometimes, but then it‘s like really bad and my aggression towards myself worsens. The last time I did (TW! Self harm) I hit my hand with a baseball bat idk how many times, and then punched against a wall again and just started laughing, till I had no energy left. I then just laid there and felt completely empty. I was able to talk to my parents normally tho, they didn‘t realize anything was wrong at all. My mum‘s also been diagnosed with depression, and went to the mental hospital right after my birth, and I‘ve learned pretty soon how to read situations because of her, and know when to express emotions and when not to. Idk maybe that information would help it make sense. I just really wanna be able to cry, cuz I feel like I‘m automatically bottling things up, and that‘s why I‘m such an extreme when it comes to feelings.