I recently made the decision to get off my medication because it induced panic attacks (intense akathisia) and forced me to pace for 3 hours every evening until my heart stopped pounding hard enough for me to fall asleep. I took another medication to combat those side effects but it was a hit or miss. I stuck it out until my health insurance decided it wasn’t going to cover most of the cost anymore (my pills are $1400 for a 1 month supply without my insurance).

My psych and I have tried other meds. I can’t do anything that causes me to gain weight and some meds made me suicidal. This was the only medication that helped me get my life together but the cost and panic attacks aren’t worth it.

My boyfriend and roommate have started to notice “the crazy” coming out. They say I’m raging really hard over small things and I too notice that I’m feeling everything intensely again. I’m not mellow anymore. Plus side, no more panic, no anxiety, and I can sleep without feeling like I’m going to die.

A friend suffering from anxiety and another suffering from BPD both told me they felt better when smoking pot. I live somewhere where I can get and afford medical grade pot (lots cheaper than my medication for one!) but I am a virgin to smoking pot or smoking overall. I’ve also heard that if you’re the paranoid type, pot can make it worse. My therapist has been encouraging of the cannabis use because she’s seen great results with her bipolar patients (im also schizoaffective bipolar) but I rather hear it from people who are actually doing it.

So do you smoke to help with BPD? Has it helped you or made it worse? Stories please!