Ive always been known as the happy, outgoing, life of the party person. Always able to make people laugh, lift spirits and come up with useful resolutions. 
I don’t know the last time I smiled. I went from happy to crying a lot to now… I can’t even cry. I’ve reached out to my friends and family and expressed this lost and hopeless feeling. They just say things like “it will get better” “try to stay positive”. But that’s hard when you’re soooo alone. I have 2 kids. A 17 year old who doesn’t care about anyone but herself. A 13 year old son who is a total empath and I try not to let my dad energy effect him. 
I’m overly sensitive. When people blow me off I say a few words and then block them. Cuz why do I want people in my life if they are fairweather or just wanna be your friend when they have something to gain. And what makes that even worse, when they DO have something to gain they still fuck me off. 
It’s hard not to feel like your not good enough to even show up for. I keep telling myself everyday that this won’t last forever. But the more time that passes the more I’m just not sure. I’d say I wanna disappear but it seems I’m already invisible. So then what? I think a few days with a positive person who actually gives a shit about my life or existence would kick start me feeling better but no luck. I’m so empty. 
The person who went out of their way for others, sacrificed for others has no one. 
Someone save me . Please. This feeling is the worst. Save me