So I notice that if I don’t do things 110% correct at work I have a catastrophizing attack until I’ve moved onto a new problem. For example, I don’t do a procedure completely correct. I can’t fix it now. I’m off by .000005 percent basically. No one would ever notice. I mean nobody does things right all the time. We are human. But technically it is an error. Technically I could get in trouble if I told on myself maybe. Or whatever. Nobody gives a crap but I can’t stop magnifying it in my mind.

It’s the not being perfect that is a problem. And I can’t fix that. Policies and procedures are set up to be impossible to follow perfectly and do the spirit of the job at the same time. So I imagine most other people probably don’t even sweat it and just move on...but not me. I’m up thinking about worst case scenarios of getting in trouble....losing my job....losing my license....being homeless....etc etc. 

And even worse than all that, I’m thinking about what a bad person I am because I screw up so much. And that’s the part that is the worst because why am I not allowed to be a human being?? How come everyone else doesn’t have to be a robot and it’s ok but I must be a robot?