I apologize in advance if this gets kinda dramatic, I'm not trying to be, I promise, this is mostly a stream of consciousness explanation. I'll put a TL;DR at the bottom.  
I spend a lot of time with my friends, like, we hang out online in a voice chat and play games pretty much every night, and have been doing so for a while now. 

If they can't make it on one night or have to get off early, I get extremely anxious, even a little bit angry sometimes. It's not that I don't understand that they have their own lives, I totally get that, and the last thing I want is to get so anxious or upset that I demand that they hang out, because I know I wouldn't like it if someone did that to me.

They have lives too, and I understand that, so I need to figure out how to be okay when they can't hang out, and eventually when we all have families or other obligations that put a stop to our nightly hangouts. It's weird because I wasn't like this until recently. 

Late last year, I lost a fairly long standing group of friends for various reasons, and begun hanging out with this "new" group, comprised of mostly people I had known well in the past, and was already fairly close to. The loss of the old friend group messed me up pretty bad, but for a while I felt great with the current group, better than I had in a long time with the old group.

Before we started pretty regularly hanging out online every night, I was pretty much fine with being alone or just doing things by myself. I don't know exactly when it changed, but one night when one of them said they couldn't get on the next day I noticed that it filled me with deep sense of dread. It felt like abandonment, I guess, even though I knew that wasn't what was happening. 

A particularly bad trigger is when one of the friends who would always stay up late and hang out until the wee hours of the morning started having to go to bed at a more reasonable time, and hasn't stayed on or hung out late at all since, even on weekends. It's perfectly reasonable to not want to be awake at night until 2 or 3AM, but it still feels almost like I'm being abandoned. Even though they still hang out with me regularly, the sudden change feels like they're just trying to cut down how often they hang out with me. When we had days off, we would both hang out online during the day, and then again that night with the whole group, now that's a thing of the past entirely. I feel like my best friends are starting to hate me, and I don't know how to stop the spiral of negative thoughts. They just keep going until I fall asleep or distract myself from it with something else, but it always comes back when I stop either of those things.

I spent almost my entire life thus far being a people pleaser to avoid being abandoned by loved ones, because I spent a lot of time as a kid around relatives who made me feel that I would be if I ever made a mistake or remotely upset someone. I'm even in therapy right now trying to work through it all, but I don't get to have sessions with my therapist nearly as often as I would like to, and the time between sessions feels like forever. 

I know that this is a lot, and I know it's pretty strange to have a group of friends that hangs out this often, but any advice or ideas on how to stop being so dependent on them would be appreciated. I can't live my life like this, I need to learn to be okay by myself, but all the advice on the internet is just "do things alone," "treat yourself," "learn to love yourself," yeah but HOW? I don't know how to do any of those things without feeling weird or even how to do some of them in the first place.  


TL;DR: I depend on my friends being regularly available for my emotional well being, I want to stop this.  
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.