This is just kind of a rant, and if anyone has experienced something similar, and found something that helps, please share ❤️

I’ve had major depressive disorder since elementary school, and now I’m a 25F and I’m still dealing with the same feelings since I was young. I remember thinking when I was a teen that I would feel better in my 20’s, and now that I’m here, it’s kind of disappointing because I’m still dealing with the same issues. In fact, it’s just getting worse.

I have tried different anti-depressants, and now I’m on one that I describe as “making me more tolerable for others.” It helps me function more to society’s standards, but I’m still extremely depressed. I’m glad I’m taking it, because it levels me out, but I wish I could just fix my brain (or get a new one.)

My depression has prevented me from maintaining friendships, and I currently have one friend but she’s very sociable and busy, so I get very lonely. I’ve had a lot of my friends stop talking to me, because they said I’ve “emotionally dumped” on them.

I’ve also had a hard time keeping relationships, and most guys I’m with have said they “didn’t realize my depression was so bad.” I have a boyfriend, but he gets very exhausted by how “miserable I am all the time.”

I have a very hard time being positive, and I constantly re-run bad memories in my head. I’ve had things happen to me that definitely contributed to my depression. My dad died in a horrible way a year ago, and he was kind of abusive when I was growing up. My last relationship was also abusive, and I’m very scared of my ex finding me. Those are the biggest things that run through my head.

I feel so stuck. I’m afraid if things keep going this way, I won’t see the point in continuing. I don’t talk to most people about these feelings, because most don’t understand, or they get scared. I feel like I’m in a dream and I can’t wake up. I keep hoping things will change one day and I’ll finally feel happy, but maybe that’s a silly thing to say.