I spend so much time just coasting through the few things I actually do throughout the day and then it suddenly hits me that I’m real and I feel so so so disgusted knowing that. I hate being real. But also I feel so alone, like everyone else is fake. I can’t imagine people actually being real I feel like I’m stuck in this weird simulation and I hate thinking about it so I just go back to coasting through things and I never remember anything like someone will ask how my day was and my mind is literally blank I don’t know what I did that day or the day before or the week before because I’m barely there. Like I’m aware of what I’m doing at the time but then it just goes away. But I also feel like when I don’t see people they’re just gone? Like they only seem to do things when I’m with them otherwise they’re just nonexistent. Then I get really jealous and angry cuz I don’t want to exist so why do I have to exist. I dunno I hate feeling like this I feel so alone everything is stressful and weird and I always feel so paranoid I can’t go out anymore alone I’m stuck in the bedroom all day cuz the thought of leaving alone stresses me out so bad. I can’t even go to the bathroom without my partner standing outside the door cuz I feel like the people here are listening.