mention of s-icide

At times like this I feel like all the progress I've made the past years didn't even happen.

I had a small argument with my roomate -well not even an argument rather a disagreement, and my response was to just put on my backpack and leave to my parent's place.

I feel very guilty because we had a party two days ago that we hadn't cleaned up yet and now he has to do it by himself, also I know I wasn't right with the disagreement either. But I acted like a child and just fucking ran away from my problems like I usually do.

I just feel suffocated, like I can't turn anywhere where I don't feel like shit, like I can't escape or just hide away if I need to. I feel like I have no freedom in my life or my actions, that I'm just being dragged along and that I'm a supporting character in other people's lives. But I know this is all because of me and I'm the reason I don't feel safe anywhere.

I just needed a sense of control so I left, and went to a pharmacy to take out a bunch of sleeping pills that I was prescribed a while ago but never bought them. The simple thought of having them around me calms me in a weird way, like I am here by choice and not because I don't know any better. (I have no intents)

I just feel like shit but I don't have anyone to talk to so yea:)