Age and all that don’t matter but ever since my dad passed away when I was 12 I lost all connection is my heart for everyone even my own mother and I haven’t been able to feel like I can love anyone besides a couple childhood friends and one ex girlfriend and that was in 7th grade and even though I haven’t been close with those friends since 8th grade or the ex since 9th grade I have never been able to forget them to the point i feel like it’s excessive I just got out of another relationship we’re in 12th now  and I pretty much ran to her and immediately started trying to be friends over text again she lives in Idaho and I live in California but I was so excited to be friends with her again I started to completely ignore how much of a manipulative piece of shit I was to her in 7th grade and she just texted me saying it’s not possible for her to my friend because she still struggles with how I treated her and she said she doesn’t like the person she is when I’m in her life and just to clarify I have completely flipped my mental health around since middle school I have healed and learned so much about myself and mental health in general but I still want to ball my eyes out I feel like I just lost the most important person I have right now and I know it’s wrong but I don’t know why