I’m a 16yr old male and I’m diagnosed bipolar I and possibly BPD. I also struggle with substance use and addiction. I’ve been to rehab once, two CBAT programs that were more like a psych ward and one psych ward.

I’m on 1800mg lithium at night, 60mg latuda and 20mg abilify. I’ve been on this combo for a couple of days because the lithium used to be higher. Besides that this combo has been in effect for 1.5 months.

I’ve been clean for three months and I’ve been reaching out to dealers to try to get drugs. My money has fallen through multiple times so I’m lucky I’m still sober. I don’t want to be clean anymore.

My mood has been all over the place, but I think I’m depressed for the first time in months—I had a 3 or 4 month manic episode. I’ve been suicidal for the past week even with lithium, so that tells me something is really wrong. I have been having urges to self harm these last two days.

I think I’m crashing from the manic episode and I don’t want things to get worse. My thinking isn’t straight, self esteem is at an all time low, and I don’t feel all that safe from drugs and other urges. 

I’m wondering if it’s a good idea to go to the ER for a psych consult and possibly get admitted inpatient. I can’t decide whether to ask my parents on my own.