I’ve never had a crush, ever. Never opened my heart up even to find someone cute since my fear of abandonment is so strong. 

“Why even like someone when you know they won’t ever like you back?” is my stupid philosophy. 

I’m 21 and still have hope, and funnily enough, I just thought it would eventually happen and I get a crush once I get older but it hasn’t happened yet. 

I’ve had random hookups but I’ve blanked out during those times and I don’t remember names or faces. I just know I felt absolutely nothing (maybe disgust since I was used like a fleshlight for all my times I’ve had sex).

I don’t know, the thought of loving someone terrifies me to my core, and I don’t know if it’s ever gonna happen knowing how closed off I am. DAE feel this way?