Are you okay? I'm fine

I spent the whole bus ride home thinking about how many pills it would take to knock me out. It's not the first time I think about it, probably won't be the last. One day maybe...

The moment I close the door to my room I let out the tears I'd been keeping in the whole day. I reach for the blade I haven't touched in five months. 

I couldn't stop myself this time. I'm back to the start now, day zero. 

Everything around me is moving so fast. I feel stuck. I'm tired, I can't keep up.