(tw suicide mention but not serious) does anyone else have seasonal depression and bpd? i’ve been diagnosed w bpd but i’m not in therapy because i can’t afford it. i’m on medication that helps most of the time but ever since the time change i’ve been so much worse and just crying on and off and i’ve tried to be a little more distant from my friends because i just get random feelings of rage where i can’t talk to people without snapping (i still reply if i’m directly addressed but that doesn’t happen much). I just feel so sad and alone. i’m also having internal problems with my friends where i feel like i’m always the one who has to reach out and i try to help them as much as i can but i feel like i don’t get that in return. most of the time no one replies to me anyone and i’ve been so much better in recent years with self therapy and not having toxic habits or behaviors but i’m scared if i say how i feel it’ll be manipulative or they’ll feel bad which will make me feel so much worse. i just don’t know what to do anymore. i feel suicidal and j haven’t felt like that in a while. i won’t do it because i care about my family and my pets and i’m just against it in general i just can’t stop thinking about how j don’t want to do this anymore and j want to stop trying to have friends at all because it just never works out. i’ve become so emotionally shut off i don’t even feel like i have a strong emotional bond with anyone 

i’m just looking for support or to know i’m not alone with this