24, f. I have never been to a therapist nor have I ever looked for any kind of help from a trained professional. I posted once before to seek validation for my feelings. 

I have a feeling like everything is fine but that everything is actually falling apart. I have a problem with feeling guilty if i eat enough. So i try to wait untill 3 or 4pm to eat something so that I can skip at least one meal. Or i eat just enough to stop the hunger at that moment even tho i know I'm gonna get hungry in an hour because i didn't eat enough. And at night,  before sleep ( I go around 2am or 3am) I smoke a few cigarettes because they apparently reduce  your appetite. I do that secretly because my husband would not approve. And I don't actually smoke. I try to stop the hunger with drinks like coffee. 


At the same time my husband is diagnosed with anxiety disorder, psychosis, and is taking 4 different meds for two years now, including antidepressants. He is also not happy in his job so he has been feeling really bad in general and the psychiatrist told him he is spoiled and like a baby and that I will leave him if he continues to act like he does. He recently decided that alcohol makes him happy so he downs a 0,6 L if wine in 10 seconds when he comes from work and drinks more throughout the day while he plays videogames. We both play videogames just different ones. But today while on his lunch break he did the same thing. Chugged a 0,6 L glass of wine, slept for 20 min and went back to work. I couldn't believe it. The drinking is very new tho. He didn't do it before. 

Good to add is that we haven't been intimate in like 4 months and even if we tried to (we tried like twice) I get irritated so fast so we stop. He doesn't shower for 5,6 or 7 days at a time so that is a big reason why we haven't been intimate. 

I played video games almost the whole day and I constantly stimulate myself. I can't even wash my teeth without TikTok or something. I have been going out for a walk or get coffee with my friend while she was in town tho so i don't have a problem with going out.

I am a student but I'm left with 2 exams that i can't take for a couple of month and i have 1 paper left. i don't work while that is not done and he works but when he comes home he either also plays videogames cause he likes to or he sleeps because of the meds.

We don't really cook so we don't eat that geeat but I do clean and do everything around the house.

I don't know....I just have a feeling like everything around me is falling apart without actually falling apart. Like everything is okay, but it's actually not. Isn't know if I should do something or not.