Hi r/BPD - I’ve been a lurker for a month or two, have never really made a post to reddit due to fear of not saying the right thing, not getting the right reaction etc. I’m having difficulty knowing what details of my inner thoughts and self loathing I can share with my partner, as well as what destructive behaviours and thought patterns I can share. I’m very concerned that the more I share, the less he will understand and the more likely he will be to leave me. I also have fear that I will slowly push him away because I don’t think I deserve him; I can’t bear to drag him down with me. 

For transparency purposes, I’m currently in the process of being diagnosed with suspected BPD. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this; I would love to become more involved in this community as I think it’s a really positive and productive place.

Note - this account is a throwaway as my partner is on the subreddit.