Every time I think "this is it, I finally feel happy" I crash hard. I'm sick of it. I hate myself, I am in constant need of attention, I've lost all motivation, and each day it seems to get worse. I could check myself back in to the mental hospital but if it hasn't helped the last four times I doubt it ever will. _x000D__x000D_I thought my medication was helping. I guess I was wrong. I am scared that as this gets worse I will drive my friends away. I try so hard to hide it, but I know my friends are starting to see. Sure there are people who care about me, but they can't understand how I feel or do anything to help. I feel so alone, and I feel like I am letting everyone down. I wish I could just give up and end it. _x000D__x000D_I'm starting to lose hope that this will ever get better. Weekly DBT isn't helping. I don't know why I should bother trying if I just keep ending up in the same place. I really wish I was never born so I wouldn't have to sit here trying to talk myself out of suicide.