Whenever something good happens that should make me happy, if I feel like there isn't someone I can tell about it quite soon after then I just kind of feel nothing or I'm happy for a few seconds until I realise that I have to keep it to myself. The same with anything self-aware or when I want to make any kind of life change, it feels pointless to even think about if I can't use it as a topic of conversation. I hate how everything I do and think and feel is so deeply dependent on my interactions with other people. I don't know if it's a BPD thing but I feel like it probably is, does anyone else get like this?