I want to enjoy my life. I don’t understand how people can be so happy. I’m jealous of them. Actually jealous. I’m jealous of my boyfriend being able to enjoy movies and just not worry. He doesn’t understand my sadness. I want to be one of those girls who gets up and dresses up and does her hair and goes out to eat with friends and works out and lives and enjoys her life but I can’t and I don’t think I ever will be… I sit in my bed all day and work from home. I rarely change out of sweatpants or PJs, never get dressed up or do my hair and hate leaving my house. I dread the world and dread leaving my bed. I don’t even get much pleasure staying in my bed though. It’s just a safe place of nothing. It’s like neutral in my bed. Nothing good or bad happens. It’s like I’m waiting. Im like loading or something. My life is loading and I’m waiting for myself to get better or get the confidence to get my life together. I’m hoping that it’ll get better in a few years when I get engaged and get married and have kids and just have more money in general but still. I hate my job. I just don’t get any enjoyment from life. Im thankful for my bf and family though. I have no friends. Not one actual friend other than acquaintances. I am too intimated to have any friends. I feel like I’m not good enough to have a friend. They won’t like me or something. Or there just won’t be a connection or it’ll fade. I don’t know. Im just waiting for my life to start. I guess just waiting for more money so I can buy a house and kinda keep my mind busy with that. I just really really want to be happy and enjoy my life. People who see the beauty in life I just wanna understand how their mind works and see life through their eyes for a moment