Pardon the term, I don’t know how else to describe it.

I can pinpoint if it’s the depression, the anxiety, the panic disorder, the psychosis, the trauma, if my autism is making it worse, or what. But my brain’s gone to shit.

I have a hard time remembering things. I forget words I just heard, words I know, important things and dates, I forget what I’m saying in the middle of saying it and then what the entire conversation was about. Sometimes I forget why I’m on certain apps, in a room, or doing an activity. 

I’m 19. I don’t think I have early onset dementia, or Alzheimer’s. But sometimes it’s like my brain shuts down. I will stare into space for long periods of time and not realize it. I’ve had an hour go by like this once. 

When I’m not battling the dark parts of my brain, or when my brain is overactive (as it often is), it’s like I’m struggling against it not to shut down. I feel like a vegetable, when my mind goes completely blank I just *forget* everything. I wouldn’t be surprised if I wouldn’t remember where I am or how to speak for a split second, but, well, I don’t remember if I do or not in the worst parts of it.

It’s so frustrating. I feel so stupid sometimes. I hate forgetting words and sentences and conversations, or what ai’m writing and why while I’m writing it.