Okay I know this is going to sound weird but here it goes. I’m already worried this post is gonna come off wrong. Recently I achieved a really big life goal. I’m 29, I thought I wouldn’t reach this goal for at least another decade. My book got picked up by a publisher; they called me over the weekend to let me know. Ever since, I have been having a wild range of emotions—obviously happiness! But what is freaking me out is how incredibly anxious, shocked, and afraid I feel. I read that when you have trauma, sometimes your brain reacts to *any* major change with terror. I feel guilty that I reached this goal before some of my peers, whose work is outstanding (I have full faith their day will come too). I also weirdly get the sense that some friends aren’t truly happy for me. I feel super isolated because I don’t think people see the amount of sheer anxiety and dysfunction that fueled the book and now they just say “you seem great” and I actually feel like my mental health is taking a nosedive...but if I say I’m not feeling well it just sounds like whining. Am I being a dramatic, ungrateful idiot? Does anyone else feel “survivors guilt” when they reach a goal — like why did I move forward and others haven’t yet? Does everyone hate or resent me now? Am I allowed to be proud of my work or will people see me as arrogant? Is it possible to feel simultaneously psyched and thrilled and also, like something horrible is about to happen any minute? Wondering if other people have dealt with it and how to cope