I've been dealing with depression (diagnosed as major depression) for almost 20 years now. There's moments where it's not as intense but the depression is still always there. I've been to so many therapists and in therapy on and off. Only one therapist out of all of them was able to help me to a certain extend. It wasn't so bad for a while and then I always just crash back into a deep depression. Everytime I ''relapse'' the depression always hits me harder each time. This time it's so bad, I just want to die. I'm a single parent and don't have family or anyone around so I know that if I did actually die, my child would be completely alone and destroyed. I love my child too much to even cause them that amount of pain. My child is really the only thing keeping me up my feet and that forces me out of bed in the morning. Life is so horrible and I just hate it, sick of it. I truely wouldn't be here if it weren't for my child. I have no more hope left, it just gets worse and worse as I get older. I feel physcially ill and feel like I have heart attacks daily (panic attacks). So tired of suffering. The real point in this post, just need to vent because I have no one to talk to and don't have the money or the courage to even go back to therapy. I mean what's the point really? I'm so broke and feel too ashamed of going back to therapy. I feel like i'm never going to get better and I learned to accept this in the past but my depression as just got so bad that I can't just accept it anymore. I just want to stop the suffering. I'm over it.