I don’t even know what to feel right now. gah. i just hate everyone and everything even though everyone is so nice. i guess i’ll start by saying that this whole episode started scanning boxes and shit and when the scanner was being difficult, I got super mad and started hammering it against the boxes i was stacking as well as the front part of the metal grid window thingy for the order picker. 
made my way back and just calmly told HR that I was going to jill myself and walked out the door. i got outside and kindly told the pursuing HR member to leave me alone.. and i almost left. but i went back because i felt bad abojt leaving her in the dark with a random threat on my life like that. i’m not even sure if i mean it, but i don’t know. this job is seriously a fucking trigger for me. it’s so anti-stimulating. it’s boring. mind-numbing. everytime i come back, they pay more, and every week after i start working i seriously question my sanity. i really need the money but fear i will do something bad if I continue working here. what will my parents say? should i take the rest of the day off? i’m so lost, and confused. scared. mad. disappointed in myself. ugh