Title. My parents are saints, I'm crazy smart without effort, I've never been through any traumatic experiences, I have enough money to live comfortably, I'm naturally physically fit, and literally any other excuse that one could feasibly make as to why they aren't successful doesn't apply to me. Despite all of that, I failed out of university because I just couldn't be bothered to do the homework, wasting 6,000 dollars of my parents' money from my own laziness. After that I joined the military and tried being EOD, it was the first time I was actually passionate about my career. Failed a test and got kicked out of the pipeline after 2 months. Now I'm working towards a career field as an aircraft maintainer where the technical training is literally 6th-grade level.

Being knowledgeable and passionate about STEM crap has always been literally the only good thing that's somewhat unique to me, and I always hoped that I'd find some people similarly passionate about those things. If I were to fall behind and stay at a high school level for the rest of my life, there's literally no reason why anyone would ever care about me. People generally like me, but I'm completely inconsequential, and if I were to die tonight then everyone would probably move on in less than a week, with the exception of my parents. 

I've been emotionally numb for years, but now I feel practically on the verge of tears constantly unless I drink 6 Redbulls daily to elevate my mood slightly. I logically don't see things getting better. I've wanted to kill myself for years now, and I've only held on this long for the hope that things might get better, but at this point, it feels like I'm just dragging out the inevitable and that it would be better to end things now. My youth is pretty much all I have left, I couldn't bear going through losing that too.