I stupidly went on a subreddit for **nonbpd's** about BPD. I shouldn't of been on it in the first place but I wanted to get some understanding of BPD from an outsider's perspective. Every single post details how awful and abusive people with BPD are and how they are basically guaranteed to ruin everyone who gets close to them. Obviously having BPD myself I know I can be difficult but I didn't realise the mass hatred people have for BPD due to bad experiences. The part that makes me feel the worst is their reasons for not wanting to date people with BPD seem valid. Most members of the subreddit have experienced abuse on some level due to their relationship and are still dealing with the consequences. No matter where you look on the internet you can find an unlimited amount of content discussing the worst aspects of BPD. How will anyone ever love me with this disorder??? I never considered myself that toxic but maybe I am, maybe I don't realise how many people I am hurting. I don't want to keep living if i'm going to hurt everyone I love. I have little to no hope that I will find someone who will love me unconditionally. I don't even think I deserve love.

I can't get these thoughts out of my head.