Yesterday i was having tantums beacause i didnt get what i wanted. The item i wanted was impossible to get but he found a way to get it today. So i was raging, difficult, petty and abusive. 
I calmed down at bedtime but could sleep. Woke up at 4am to start work, just feeling consumed with guilt. So now i have to spend the next 10 hours trying to not let my emotions affect my work, when im like this at work nothing matters but my feelings. I dissociate myself and make mistakes. I have to try my hardest not to be nasty and snappy to my co wokers.  I just want to go home curl up and disapear.
I KNOW its the bpd causing it but i cant stop it once i start.
My poor husband is the most supportive man in the world but seriously why must i be so selfish and hurtful 😣