I'm just so tired of everything being so hard to cope with. I had a great weekend but now it feels like everything is just falling down around me. I messed up in band class and when we watched the video of our performance I realized I was the one who made the whole drill go screwy for one of the sets. I've kept my phone on do not disturb almost 24/7 recently because it hurts that I don't have notifications; it feels like no one really cares about me. I'm currently sitting on my couch trying to not cry and pretend that I'm fine because my dad's downstairs too and I don't want to explain myself. It doesn't help that tomorrow I have to sit in a room for 5 hours with a girl who used to be my best friend that I hate now because of practice ACT testing and our last names being close in the alphabet. It feels like school is going way too fast and I'm missing out on the "high school experience" because of my anxiety, even though I know I'm not and I'm barely into my freshman year.

I don't know how I'm going to get through tomorrow, or this week (because there's so much stuff going on), or this month, or anything. I can't even talk to my therapist this week because of school meetings. I'm just so used to being stressed and overwhelmed and anxious that I'm numb at this point, but in an achy way, if that makes any sense. I just want things to be better. I thought they were getting better, but now it feels like everything is going downhill again.