Well I have been doing a lot of deep thinking since my last outburst and trying to make sense of it all when this thought hit me. The whole essence/bottom line of BPD is an umwavering feeling that "it is not okay to be me." What living in an invalidating environment does is basically teaches us that what we think/feel/do is wrong or injustified. Often we are already predisposed to being sensitive therefore we have a stronger reaction to internal and external factors that may seem normal to others, but for us, is a trigger, in turn people don't understand our feelings and often uintentually invalidate our thoughts and feelings by saying things like, "why are you acting like _____" it was just _____" or even scolding us as children for having these thoughts and feelings and therefore reactions, basically telling us that what we feel and therefore say and do is wrong and in turn telling our brains over and over that we are fundamentally wrong and that we are not okay to be ourselves, then this continues into adulthood when we "overreact" and continue being told our feelings are not valid, all leading to us feeling like we are worthless, unlovable, and have no set identify as when we do go to be ourselves we don't even know who that is anymore as we have spent our whole lives creating the image of what we think people want us to be, getting lost in it all, and feeling like a broken mess as right from the start, it was never okay to just be who we are. To anyone reading this, it is okay to be you.