Hi all,

Background info: I've had a fairly sensitive stomach and anxiety for as long as I can recall, as well as severe emetophobia and health anxiety.

In early 2017, the stomach issues suddenly became so much more pronounced. I'd had an incredibly stressful, emotionally grinding 2016, so if they were related to that even initially, it was a weirdly delayed response. 

I'd have frequent stomach cramping and diarrhea, but more significantly, constant nausea 90% of my waking hours, ranging in severity. 

I tried eliminating alcohol and caffeine and became fairly restrictive about my "safe" foods. 

I had every GI and general health related test under the sun performed - the only physical issue ever found was a duodenal ulcer that has now been at least partially treated. 

I've tried many different PPIs and antiemetics, even eventually developing a tolerance to Zofran that rendered it useless. 

My weight has fluctuated fairly dramatically during this time, and the nausea doesn't seem to ease whether I am fat or slimmer.

I was in cognitive behavioral therapy for two years and it didn't help. I am not medicated and am reluctant to be for fear of side effects (worsening nausea, additional weight gain when I'm already a fatty, loss of sexual function).

To this day, I still struggle with the frequency and severity. Many times just the thought of food makes me feel ill. As often as once a month, I have episodes of dry heaving/retching that keep me awake for hours at night and wring me out completely (important to note that 9 times of of 10, these episodes happen at night, and are often fairly close to the start of my period, so I have gleaned somewhat of a pattern). 

COVID has amplified my health anxiety astronomically. 

I'm miserable. I feel like such a burden to my family and my boyfriend because I constantly don't feel well and it makes me so sad and negative. It's limiting.

 I don't want to see any more specialists; it was made clear to me that physically, they've done all they can for me, and I don't have to money to rerun tests and labs for nothing. 

Could anxiety truly be the cause of so much physical misery? What is wrong with me? I am so tired and full of despair. I cannot live like this.