
It all started a couple years ago when I was 23 about to start a new job. I was lucky and bet that the stock market would go down with the few thousand dollars I made from my internship. Of course this was when Covid was just hitting so I became hugely profitable. From only a couple thousand dollars to $2m in value in only a month. Thinking back on it, I was crazy reckless. I made my first million, and then less than a week later I made my second million. I was feeling incredible, thought I could retire and never have to work again… but like all gamblers I kept putting my money in trying to make more and more. Of course with the risks I was taking eventually it would all come crashing down.

Fast forward today, I’m now 62k in debt plus another 20k in student loans. On the surface, my friends think I’m hugely successful because I flexed I made $2m to them (didn’t spend a dime though, just kept trying to make more and more). I also make $200k a year (100k salary with  the rest as a one time bonus) but only have $2 in my bank account currently.

I no longer play in the stock market but have recently been doing sports gambling. Of course, I keep losing money on that. There are times that I go on a nice streak, but it’s like every time I lose, I keep trying to make back my losses which makes me do even dumber plays.

I’m not sure what I’m expecting by writing this, but I feel so embarrassed to tell the people I’m close with. My girlfriend of multiple years knows that I no longer have a lot of money, but don’t know I’m in debt. My parents are super supportive, but I’m too embarrassed to tell them how bad my situation is.

I guess that’s why I’m writing to a bunch of strangers online. I know my pursuit of trying to make back my money is wrong, but I can’t stop trying to get out of debt. I feel so dumb, it’s like I see a rock in front of me but I keep on tripping over it.

It feels like I’m slowly unraveling and feeling incredibly hopeless. I can’t sleep thinking about how my life has gone downhill in such a short period of time. My younger self would be straight up embarrassed if he could see me now. I don’t have suicidal thoughts yet but no longer feel the same motivation in life that I used to. If only I never made that money in the first place…