**warning: Long post**

My mother and I don't have the best relationship. I grew up having to take care of myself physically and emotionally because my dad was too busy cheating while my mom was working outside the country majority of my childhood. I grew up living under the roof of her cousin hence, my horrible relationship with my siblings. 

My parents got annulled (similar to divorce in my country) when I was around 9 and moved to another city with my siblings. Even though I was the youngest, I was given a lot of chores. Doing groceries, paying water and electric bills, doing the laundry, and cooking for all of us. **all by myself at fourth grade**. Sometimes they clean and cook for me but in most cases, I was the one doing it. While my siblings had the time to be themselves and be able to go out even without doing chores, I was scolded for doing the same thing they did. It's still happening until now. 

The reason why I'm writing because as what the title says, I'm done. My mother does things impulsively, lashes out and throws a tantrum when she doesn't get what she wants, and a narcissist. When I told her I wanted to go to therapy (I've been undiagnosed for more than five years and been attempting since 14) using my own money by getting a job, she got mad at me and told me "It's all in your head" and I'm overreacting. When I told her I wanted to get a job for the summer because I wanted to buy myself a tablet or laptop for school, she got mad at me for being ungrateful for what I have and told me I do not have the skills for a job when I clearly do everything in the house, a student journalist and in a broadcasting team who went to regionals, and a good humanities student. Also, in our country, being a part time student is hard because school requires eight hours of classes so unless you're in college who's willing to sacrifice a few units and have the possibility of being delayed, then summer jobs are the best option. 

 Recently, we got into a fight because I didn't make dinner. Before you ask me why, after feeding the cats and dogs, I was about to cook but when I checked on her and my older sister, they were asleep. I figured I will make dinner once they wake up so it will  be warm for them to eat (we don't have a microwave) and I always do this when they're asleep except when she tells me to cook something ahead before taking a nap. About 30 minutes later, she woke up and asked me why I didn't make dinner yet. I was about to answer but she asked me another question "You're not hungry?", so ofc I said no. This made her mad and told me I was too selfish for not thinking about other people and said "From now on, we'll do everything by ourselves" and told me she'll go out by herself to eat dinner. 

It ticked me off and I've been thinking of running away and work as a call center agent just like the other people from my city. But I don't have a valid id because 1. My university still haven't issued us our I.D. and 2. My mother gets mad when I mention getting a valid I.D. because it's a waste o money as I am still a student. So yes, I am now stuck in a dead end and starting to accept that maybe life isn't for me. I tried so hard and I did everything but maybe it's not for me. 

If you reached this far, thank you. I hope your life isn't as shitty as mine but if it is or more, I'll make sure I'll drink one shot for the both of us.