I used to be fine. Normal.   
Then my friend died - March 2014  
Then my mom got cancer - April 2014  
Then my mom died. I was there. I watched. I heard. It haunts me. - October 2015  
Then my grandmother died. - July 2017  
Then I quit smoking after 24 years. - September 2017  
Then my grandfather died. - October 2019  
Now - I'm on Lexapro and Wellbutrin.  It takes over an hour to fall asleep but panic attacks wake me up in the night.  On nights when I don't have a panic attack, I'll sleep for 12-14 hours, only getting up to use the bathroom.  When I'm awake, I'm happy for the most part. I play computer games, and I love to crochet blankets (it helps with the anxiety.) I take care of my animals and my family.  I feel almost normal sometimes.  


But these panic attacks. I don't know what to do anymore.  I can handle the anxiety attacks (because, let's face it, anyone who's had a panic attack will tell you that anxiety attacks are a drop in the bucket in comparison.) I have a wonderful support system and I have people I can talk to. But sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself to this.  Can anyone relate?  


Thanks for reading.