I'm 25(F), I come from a dysfunctional family, sexual abuse from close family member and former boyfriend. I've been a buffer for my parents for a very long time, actually since I was 13. I've always cared about everyone but I'm getting so tired. So so tired. I could go through anything but right now even the littlest things set me off. It's like I'm so tired, my brain straight goes to killing myself. 
I go blind, I can't imagine anything in the future. 
I have a boyfriend of 5 years, he knows everything and he understands but I feel so ashamed whenever I have the thought of killing myself because I cannot put that human through that. 
I've made a note to him in my phone and left it incase I can't make it which is getting very very hard these days. All I wanna do is cut myself, but I can't. This will directly impact my boyfriend. I'm stuck. I really don't know what to do or where to go. I want this all to end. I wanna rest. It's like I was drowning since a very long time but I'm tired of trying to stay afloat. I just wanna go. I don't know what to do.