Idk if I thought medication would be the end-all be-all of everything. But honestly. I’m kinda disappointed. I always do this and feel like I’m doing amazing one second, then suddenly I just hate living. And when I hate living it feels like I’ve always hated being alive. These meds definitely help me calm the storms of my emotions, but they don’t keep them away like I wish they would. They don’t stop the underlying toxic thoughts behind the emotions. And that’s something I need to figure out myself ofc, nothing meds can do. But I thought maybe they’d do more….yk I had hope they’d do more. 

My psychiatrist said medication would help my relationships, but my relationships are still causing me stress after I’ve been sticking to my routine and taking the meds as prescribed. My relationships are ridden with abandonment issues, and it stresses me out. I never feel safe with people, I isolate even though I want to be with people all the time. I knew medication wouldn’t solve my relationship problems, but she gave me some false hope. It kinda bums me out. 

I thought meds would help. And right now, I just feel like I hate life and I feel like I’ve always hated it. And nothing helps, and everything is pointless. Everything I do feels pointless. I’m just always suffering.