I hate being rejected for work. With my already cripplingly low self-esteem and my tendency to have a major breakdowns over much smaller things... yeah, it fucking sucks.

I know none of this is personal, and I should take  job rejection personally... but in my head it feels like the world screaming that I’ll never be good enough to make something out of my life. 

I feel so out of control. I feel directionless. I’m so afraid of making moves for myself because I don’t know how I’ll react to repeated failure. I’m afraid that’s all it’ll take for me to push myself over the edge. How the state of mind can change like the flick of a switch scares the hell out of me.