8 months in and my relationship with food has become desperately bad.

This all started because i had high blood pressure probably 5 months ago at the age of 21 so when my dr recommended bp meds it terrified me to the point that I cut out sodium and caffeine to an extreme. 

I started losing weight and feeling hungry and paranoid but determined to get off of the meds by eating healthier obviously, which I did. 

The only issue is that I’ve managed to fix my high blood pressure issue because I cut out all of that stuff, BUT I’m almost borderline affriad to eat now because everything around me is drenched In unhealthy fats, sugars and of course sodium. 

It’s to the point that my mum is upset at me telling me I need to eat but I only feel comfortable getting specific food from the grocery store and it’s expensive as fuck.

Vegetables and fruits with fish constantly is pretty expensive and I left my job a while ago because my health was so fucked up, I’ve been 8 months into trying to feel normal and happy again I don’t know what went wrong but mentally I’m always worried about premature death, a sudden rise in blood pressure, heart diseases, covid reinfections and especially FOOD.

I will eat a piece of 100% whole wheat bread and start feeling sharp pains in my abdomen and chest that I’ve never felt before as a result to eating that bread so I don’t know what gives.

I’m extremely extremely depressed, I’m 155 pounds.  My heart and these sudden muscle fasciculations are a primary concern for me…I have really bad death anxiety, I’ve been medically taking steps to have my heart, blood examined and despite the good news I’m still scared and anxious. I wore a Holtor Monitor and my cardiologist told me it looked fine but I’m still scared over the fact that it says things like palpitations and DVT etc.  

I’m scared of my lungs… they are inflamed currently post covid this is confirmed after my ER visit.  Im not in a good place about myself or my health mentally. 

I apologize if this is long I just feel really weird, my happiness and carelessness over a cheeseburger has morphed into  paranoia and heart pains in combination with asthma flare ups.

Covid reinfection paranoia often plagues my brain and thoughts to the point that I was extremely hesitant to even enjoy the arcade games and Dave and busters at my mums birthday celebration yesterday, I was worrying that I’d re catch covid because of touching the controller but I did anyway and then proceeded to use hand sanitizer immediately. 

My blood pressure is always 140/87. 161/78.  In the hospital but drops down to 177/68. 110/68. 112/85 at home and sometimes the doctors office, I know it’s because of white coat but just seeing my bp that high makes me feel like an unhealthy failure. 

Everytime I eat I get afraid of the fat and sodium so I spit it out, I eat salmon and fruits but then I read how fruits are loaded with sugar so I fucking spit it out and go hungry…if I get full my chest hurts and I feel dizzy.  

I’ve got vericose veins that bulge out, I’ve had them since I was 17 and they haven’t been examined so I’m going to ask for a vein doctor referral, I’m worried about that now too and I’m so on edge, my entire body has been fasciculating as of typing this. 

I used to feel so nonchalant about this stuff a year ago but this started way back in October 2021.  

Fortunately I don’t drink energy drinks anymore but I used to be a VERY frequent consumer and on an empty stomach, I look back at that and feel disgusted at myself.

I’m deficient in vitamin D, POTS symptoms post covid. I am 

21 years old, 155 pounds. Major depressive disorder.  Generalized anxiety disorder.

Please help thanks.