Got in a kinda argument, kinda just aggressively venting at each other match with my FP. It ended with me on the bathroom floor, dissociating so badly that I had no control over myself. I was sobbing and drooling all over my legs and dripping snot everywhere. Gross, I know, but I was a wreck and there wasn't much I could do in that state. Once I managed to snap out of it I cleaned up, splashed some water on my face and left. Not even 5 minutes later I was super affectionate and happy. Telling my FP that I love him and just being super affectionate. 


I went from being 100 percent dissociated to perfectly fine in just a few minutes. I felt fucking ridiculous, going from a mess to being perfectly fine and happy and texting my FP about it. And before the argument I was feeling really great, I'd just put a peach crumble thing in the oven and was feeling great because I love baking. And then I got super paranoid that my FP hated me and was planning on leaving me because he'd been acting weird the past few days, and I asked him about it and it spiraled from there. I hate my mood swings and I hate how extreme they are and how quickly they happen. It's exhausting.