I suffer from anxiety since 2014-2015 but just an easy form of anxiety. Around 2019 it started getting worse and worse. In March 2021 something happened and I got traumatized. Since then, I can't go to a therapist to get a clear diagnosis. But so far looks like severe anxiety, depression, ptsd, paranoia, adhd. The anxiety got that bad lately.. In the last year I couldn't really go out, I was too scared of people. I started having hallucinations. Had some really bad breakdowns. Talking about hitting my head into the wall, scrething my skin, screaming, punching, so on. There's nothing in this world that I want more than being able to see a therapist and get some medicine to be able to live like a human being. But I can't. You see, sometime 2 months ago I started having really bad panic attacks, and my pulse always got high during a panic attack, but this... I'm 23 female. The normal heart rate for women my age is 60-100 beats per minute. I got 189 the other day. And this happens every single day. I get a pulse over 160bpm up to 10 times a day. Every day. No breaks. Without any reason. I'm laying in bed? I'm eating? I'm watching cartoons? Reading? Doing anything? +150 bpm. A few days ago, every time I tried to sleep I got a panic attack. I can't go out, I can't answer a call, I can't talk to anyone new, I can't do anything. My mind is so broken. I should've solved this before it got that bad. Now my boyfriend is trying to get me to a therapist. But we're both afraid that I'll have a heart attack if I try to talk to one. He's going to get himself a therapist so he can get the meds I need so I can take them and be able to go to a therapist. But it's expensive as fuck.. So we still have to wait.. He's the only thing that can stop my panic attacks. But he needs to go to work, so we can afford the therapist. So I'm alone for 11 hours a day. Having a panic attack every 1-2 hours. Having to call him to call me down and sometimes having to take a pill to lower my pulse. I'm 23 yo and I feel like my life is over. I can't do anything anymore.. I can't go out, I can't talk to anyone besides my boyfriend, I can't even mail a therapist, and I don't see any escape from the this atm.. Right now my pulse is at 168. Just from writing this. Anxiety is a bitch. She took away everything from me. She took me away. I don't recognize myself..