I'm currently sitting in the hospital waiting room for my follow up appointment with my surgeon. I've not been able to relax all day because of the anticipatory anxiety. I had to catch the train in and now am sitting alone while I wait because I arrived earlier than planned. Thankfully there isn't many people here.

I've rarely left the house because of all the lockdowns and I've pretty much developed agoraphobia because of everything. I've been doing well recently though and going to the local café but now that I've had to travel far today it's like all of my anxiety flood me at once. I started thinking about how I've not driving a car for 12 months and worry if I'd be able to handle it again. I started worrying about just sitting on the train and in the waiting room for long periods, unable to distract myself. I started thinking about feeling socially isolated and wishing I had someone with me. I keep thinking about my time in the hospital and my surgery and I feel nauseated. I'm even worried about the trip back home after my appointment.

Because of how long it's been since I was away from the house for an extended period, I forgot how quickly I turn to panic and I can't remember how I got out of it last time. I can't remember how I distracted myself.