It was the source of the voices and toxicity that plagued my personality, but I had no idea it had an actual origin inside my head.

One day I sort of meditated, meaning I sat relaxed and undisturbed and took a walk through my mind. I was not on any drug. After a while I discovered a locked room with some energy emanating from it. Somehow I got inside and there it was, a sort of portal from which came an unending torrent of pure evil and hate, in the form of energy and harsh voices, and rushing air. I was amazed. It was the most real thing I've experienced inside my mind, it was as physically real as anything out here in the world. I watched it for a moment and then I interacted with it somehow, and it just shut down, closing up the portal, ending the relentless stream of horror and bile. I experienced a complete calm and quiet for the first time since forever.

Since then I've been much more positive and calm, since my every waking minute isn't showered with irrational hate anymore. Voices came back after a while but were not as hostile and uncompromisingly bitter. They're almost gone now. 

This was before I was even diagnosed and medicated. So I had a lot of other stuff going on, not just voices. But I've never thought that you can do actual work inside your own mind, and I haven't had any similar experiences before or since. I wonder what really happened, and whether it is possible to perform other work related to this illness. Probably not though. I told my therapist at the time about it and asked if I had really done something of value, or if it was just imagination. He said, "can't it be both?". I don't know what to make of that. 

Anyway, thanks for reading this nonsense, I just wanted to tell someone who won't judge me for being weird. Would be really interesting to hear about your experiences, if any, of similar nature.