I want to relieve my loved ones of the burden that is me. It sounds edgy and lame, but I am literally ruining everyone's lives, even when it seems like a good day/things have been doing okay.  
I found out I failed a science class which I have already retaken multiple times in high school and college. Other than this class, I am on the deans list, and am a teachers assistant for a great mandatory course for my degree program. But without this basic difficult science, I literally cannot progress in my degree.  
I live at home with my grandparents at 25 years old. I am on disability from the government and get 600$ a month which I am basically unable to save any of it to build up a savings account.  
My grandparents are so tired. My grandmother is chronically ill/disabled, my grampa is miserable about his caretaker role, and I make everything worse even when I just want to help or not get in the way.  
I get an extension on the length of time I have for exams, so this past week I spent literally 5 hours straight doing an extremely long exam for this science class, which had a lot of math in it. I thought I did well, but I failed the exam. I put in so much time the other day on this test, and I am always so stressed out.  
My body is inflamed chronically with cortisol and I have begun self harming again as an adult. I feel like a loser. I have been doing a 4 year degree program for 8 years and I'm just now halfway done.  
I feel the only thing that will make a good difference in my life/the world is to kill myself. I make my boyfriend miserable, my grandparents are miserable, my drunk shitty mother is stressing me out by trying to be involved in my life but she just makes things worse. I have never experienced death of a loved one and am not strong enough to ever handle loss or failure.  
I don't necessarily want to die (like I used to) but I now feel I have to die.