I was doing great, but now I haven't slept and the sun is rising. Overnight my mood has deflated and I can just feel myself falling back into depression. The thoughts I haven't thought about in weeks are now pouring back into my head and it's making me second guess my entire future, my relationships, and my life in general. I've been cycling like crazy lately and it just is hurting right now, really bad. I've been trying to keep myself distracted. 

I don't know which version of me is the "real" me. I am holding back so much and the intrusive thoughts keep piling on. I feel like I've tripped and am now am slowly spiraling into a hole of blackness. I think I've always been falling, but sometimes I just get used to it before panicking when I realize I'm heading straight down and dragging everyone with me.

TL;DR

It hurts, I might write a note (not because I'm actually going to do it, but because it helps me feel better). I'm just craving distraction and it feels like everyone is pulling away, but then again I do need to be talking to someone 24/7 to be distracted.

TL;DR 2

Pain.