My day is gym for 5 hours (only way to get dopamine in my brain anymore other than eating junk food), apply to jobs, "learn" programming, sleep. I can see my dad getting more disappointed with me with each passing day. I'm not even making much progress with my weight, any calories I burn are undone in a few minutes of weakness.

I have completely dissociated from society. I do not talk to anyone in my gym, don't get enjoyment from video games and movies anymore, haven't had a real conversation with a non related female in years. I am so consistently disrespected in the dating world that I don't really try anymore. I can not bring myself to care. I have a few friends that I have known for over a decade but I feel like Patrick Bateman when I'm talking to them, I am just not there. We have the same conversations over and over again, and hanging out has become something I tolerate to maintain the few relationships I have.

Fuck this world, fuck women, fuck everyone that manages to still have that fire in them well into adulthood, mine was snuffed out a long time ago.