I think I’ve been mildly depressed for a while now, did some research I think I might have some form of atypical depression or something. But more to the point, something I’ve experienced quite often, especially before my winter break started, was thinking a lot about death and suicide. I would very frequently think about what it would be like if I died. How it would affect my family, friends. I’d be on my way home from school on my bike and a car would pass and I’d imagine it veering off the road and hitting me. That would then lead to me imagining myself steering my bike into the car as an act of suicide. I could feel my hands tense as I thought about these things but I never felt that I wasn’t in control and I never came even close to considering suicide. With this said I found it curious that I would think about it so much when I could honestly never se myself committing suicide. No matter how bad things get I want to die well. I know that sounds stupid but it’s how I want it to be no matter what path I take. I don’t want to die alone and bleeding in the dark not knowing what will become of what used to be my life. I really don’t want to die but it scares me that I’m not scared of the things in my head because I’ve felt really numb for so long. Sorry if I went on kind of a tangent but if anyone has experienced this or has any advice for me I would really appreciate it. 

-also, I know there are a lot of people here that have it I lot worse then I do so please stay strong.