It all started after a unprotected sexual contact with a girl on the 5th of march. 

Since then I have slept barely 2 hours a night !! 🥺 

I developed a dozen of symptoms all pointing to HIV , name a symptom I have/had them all from genital discharges to prostate inflammation , white patches in mouth , sore joints , muscle twitching all of them. Bacterial infections . 
 
Did 7 tests in a span of 140 days and one PCR test all negative , and even tested the girl with whom the exposure was TWICE all negative. I somehow find it hard to believe it since all the body changes and symptoms point to one thing . 

I am in constant decline mentally and it seems like nothing/nobody is helping . I barely sleep , just lay in my bed and barely leave my home . 

I feel multiple emotions from fear to disappointment, anger and the list goes on , all the emotions coming at the same time . I feel like a failure cause I was dealt the perfect cards in life and somehow one night ruined it all for me . I had everything friends , money , family everything someone would need and was a joyful person , one night ended it all. 

I just don’t want to leave in a reality if my thoughts are right where I am the anxious thought of my parents before their sleep. 

I love them so much feel like I ruined my life , don’t want to ruin it for them . Would just ended it here looking like an accident then giving them anxious years . 

I went to a therapist / psychologist / neurologist nothing helped . Nothing helps ! 🥺🥺🥺