I did a fucked up thing to my sister 

Now she’s all pissed off, and has cut me from her life

Wasn’t anything like awful ; we took a trip from Washington to Az and I put edibles in the car. My car. My edibles. Originally just MY trip. She’s upset because the possibility of us getting pulled over and the possibility of us getting in legal trouble an and the SLIGHT POSSIBILITY that it would cause her to lose her job.

I get that I am in the wrong because she asked me not to.  
I understand that I am in the wrong.  
I did the bad thing.

But now, I’m cut out of her life. Blocked on all media, “never contact me again, I’m done with you and your toxic personality” kinda cut out.

And I’m just numb. 

Completely and totally numb.

My only reaction is “okay” 

AND THAT MAKES ME SEEM LIKE MORE OF A DICK.

I’m not remorseful about it. It’s like I can’t muster the emotion to be remorseful. I see this as a nonissue considering it happened a month ago, nothing bad happened during the drive, I don’t see the point in being THIS upset with me.

It’s been explained to me, but I still am not getting it.

Is this the splitting? Is this something else? I don’t know what’s happening ; I don’t know why I don’t give a fuck about this ; I’m just mad that she thinks this situation is such a problem that she’ll cut me out and that makes me look like a huge prick because I’m not sorry about this.

I’m sorry I hurt her, I love my sister. She’s done her best to be a better person and now that I’m finally getting better myself I needed her in my corner. I understand that I upset her. But I can’t do anything about it now unless I invite time travel. So what the fuck is the point of cutting me out? What’s the point of making this big of a deal about it? If there’s no way to fix it then what the fuck am I supposed to do?