I have teammates in a videogame that I play competitively with. We started out being awkward with eachother, but eventually got closer. The thing is, I kind of e-stalk them on steam or discord to see if they're playing with eachother. Sometimes, they are, and I get invited most of the time. The times I don't get invited, though, I feel shit, anxious, and jealous. Why didn't they invite me when they know I'm online? Do they not like me? I then feel like things are weird between us and get the urge to leave the team. Hell, I've already made the decision to not stay with them after the season. I also get jealous when people are more social than me in the group. The last time we hung out together, I was quieter than usual since I realized that the lack of my presence made other people who were quieter start talking more. This then made me think that I'm not that well liked, and they don't bring it up since it'd be rude and I'm one of the better players there. I also thought that half the team was uncomfortable with me since I'm queer and they make lowkey homophobic jokes and acted weirder in my mind when I told them about being bi. I asked one of them about this, and it turns out they're just edgy and didn't even think twice about the stuff I thought was weird, but now I feel like I've made things weird between us by bringing this up. I really wanted to be good friends with them when we first got closer, but I've kind of given up on that now since I just almost know that they don't think of me as that central. I think that they think that I'm boring, which is true, but still. All I contribute is laughing at people's jokes and asking shitty questions about them. I'm not diagnosed btw, but I've been suspecting since looking back on all of my relationships. I also have no irl friendships currently. Sorry is this post is a dumb mess