I can't do this anymore. I'll be "good" for a little and then randomly just get knocked down one day. I can't stand feeling like I'm not the happy goofy person I once was. I've accepted that some damage or something has happened to my brain and I'll never be the same. Self isolation is a motherfucker. I forget things so easily and feel like I'm constantly zoning out. Its like I'm never really present. All my friends/family have given up on me and I don't blame them I wouldn't want to be around the most bland depressed person who used to be the life of the party. That shits just sad to see. I'm 26 and it's been 5 years of hell I think I'm finally done. Idk how I'm going to do it but something quick and painless. Its unfortunate that this will be my life story I was really hoping to make this life count for something. The only thing I'm concerned about is how much my family is going to have to pay for my funeral were too poor to even afford food let alone a funeral for a depressed loser. I refuse to live this way when things used to make sense and I used to laugh everyday and make everyone laugh.

TLDR: it's been 5 years of a depressed hell and I'm ending it tonight or tomorrow night.