 

&gt;So about a year ago, I met this girl. Really sweet and cheerful girl. The kind of girl that makes you wanna smile just by her presence. I met her before I was diagnosed as during the relationship I was having personal problems but I put them off. Over time things went skew for us. However, I have had crushes and such that when I think about now just seemed like me latching onto someone because I didn't want to be alone. When I met her I was mentality quite stable and function quite well on my own and had no intentions of meeting people but she just came along. Over time I have tried again and again to resolve our relationship but I heard from her friends that she doesn't talk anybody as of current.  
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&gt;Since our relationship went south I blamed myself a lot and went through ups and downs of wondering if it was just another attempt at my BPD to latch onto someone, wondering if I dislike her, or wondering if it wasn't another BPD attempt at latching onto someone. However, I took some time away and It hit me that I really due care about her and love her immensely. I feel like it wasn't another attempt at the BPD side of me trying to latch onto someone It was me truly falling in love with the obviously amplified emotions that come with BPD. I don't go a day without thinking about her. So many things related to her pop up in my daily life and all I wish is that I could see her smile once again.  
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&gt;The reason for this post is that I was struggling but last night I dreamt about her and she is a hairstylist and on my way to get/while getting my haircut today I felt a feeling I can't really explain. The dream really hit me hard and maybe it's a bad analogy but I feel like an addict that's gone cold turkey and is on the brink of going insane. I don't know how far gone she is but she feels like the kind of person that only comes around once in your lifetime. I don't want to lose her but I don't know what to do either as I am quite hopeless when it comes to this sort of thing.  
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&gt;Frankly, I would be so grateful for any form of positive advice that might be able to help me in some form of another.