I’ve never been much of a cryer, I tend to just bottle everything up. In fact even when I have tried to cry in the past I can barely get anything out.

But the other day I was watching some clip on YouTube from the first Pokémon movie and I just started fucking crying. I don’t even know why, I was miserable during my childhood but I guess I still had some hope for the future back then? Or I still had the ability to genuinely enjoy things? 

I wish so badly that I could go back in time and just be a kid again. There’s no way I can spend another 40 years living the way I do now. I just spend every day working for some company who doesn’t give a shit about me and for what? I’ll never have a career, I’ll never be loved, I’ll never get married and have my own family, I’ll never have a place where I belong. What I am I still trying for? It’s all fucking pointless now, every day I think about killing myself in the bathroom during my break.