I feel like I can't even do BPD right. I wish I had had these intense intense romances or friendships or could see myself being really sexually active or poly or something. 

ive always felt left out but not sure if i really wanted to be close to anyone? i have always felt like men were never interested in me, that i am completely unattractive, repulsive. ive never felt a reason to think someone was interested, and am horrified at the thought of being that gross girl coming onto someone. ive started doing dating apps and trying to go for it, fake it til i make it. but i havent found anyone i'm particularly interested in? maybe one person who i was very into, but wasnt particularly sexually compatible with? is it an issue of me not liking people? is this normal?

I want to be engulfed in love, but haven't really experienced love at all? A few friendships intense. Maybe one crush? Is this something else wrong with me? I want to love and be loved