I’m just thinking about it all and BPD is actually so sad to me... I feel like I have a life and then a life with BPD. I myself am very patient, easy going, open minded, nice and I’d like to think I’m ambitious or at least at heart, but BPD makes me the opposite. I’m not so easy going, every part of my life is controlled carefully to monitor the pain I can tolerate. I’m not so nice when my mind is constantly racing with some of the worst thoughts. I lack patience when my FP hasn’t responded to me after so much time. I’m not that open minded when inconveniences happen and I blame myself entirely. I can never even recognise the things I do sometimes. It’s always picking up the pieces, cleaning up the mess I’ve created yet I feel no responsibility for any of it, like who even am I? This disorder takes some of the best qualities people have and magnify them until it’s all unbearable for themselves, this world, and everything... or at least that’s what we convince ourselves of.