* Suicide TW*

Just to preface , I haven't been officially diagnosed with BPD , but I have most of the symptoms. I've only been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, General Aniexty Disorder , Trichotillomania, Trichophagia and Gender Identity Disorder. 

Work at my retail job was ok but shit like usual. I really can't be around people for too long w/o losing my shit , and I work upfront in the cash register or drive thru , so I have to deal with snotty Karen's 99% of the time. After leaving my boyfriend's house, since he's near my job . I got changed and went home around 7:00pm. By then my mom was numbed out to Married at First Sight. She just watches reality TV all day , probably since I don't much time with her because, school, work ,and I generally can't stand her as a person. I was extra bitchy and moody today since I'm on my period after being off it for two years due to hormone replacement therapy, and not on Lexapro for two weeks since it's not helping with my mental health that well. So, I went in the kitchen to cook some soup since I didn't want to eat and just starve myself , but I needed something in me. As I was about to cook myself some soup , my mom started talking to me about that she needed to go into my room so she can clean and debug the house since she wants to out the house. Since , she can't afford living her because she works a low income job and we never have anything in the house. So, she was just telling me about how disgusting my room is and that it smells like pot and how I need to clean everything out or she can't sell the house. ( I never smoke in my room since I got caught, I just vape weed now , but I have a bong, 2 pipes and 2 ginders). I told her I will once I have time on the weekday when I'm off.  My mom kept on talking about how when she moves that she doesn't mind if I stay with her , ill just have to sleep on the floor or in a separate part of the house and pay half of the rent . I told her I'll probably just live outside in my car , outside of my boyfriend's house * since his parents are homophobic and transphobic*.  At this point my mom wasn't understanding why I didn't want to stay with her , and I already had a long day and was shaking and just speaking very on edge and nervous. I felt myself about to have a breakdown. So like usual I was saying I can't breath I need to just leave for a bit. But since I said it in a very on edge and nervous way like I was abt to go off the edge. My mom commented how she's fears for her life when she's around me . It probably doesn't help that a grabbed my arm tight enough to leave marks to calm myself down. I went to my room and called my boyfriend making suicidal threats and that I wanted to quit my job. Somehow he talked me out of it but I ended up cutting and overdosing on some sleeping pills but not enough to kill me sadly. I really don't want to go in work tomorrow, but I've taken off so many days and I've only been working for three weeks. So , I'm going to try and go in tomorrow. I work from 7am to 3pm but I live 30 mins away. Then 8am-2pm, and 11am to 3pm. Also, I have college classes im behind in and failing. I don't understand how people do this without going crazy. Some part of me really wants to end my life but I need my bf and my cats too badly to end it.