When you just think the anxiety is gone, it's right there again. How? How?? I'm so fed up with all of these nonsense thoughts. I feel like fear controlled my whole life. I'm an adult now, and here she is, right by my side, controlling every move. It's hard when you enjoy being with people but also love locking up by yourself. I always described myself as being an ambivert. This makes you go crazy. I've lost so many great opportunities due to my irrational fears. I feel lost. I'm this close to leaving everything behind and start a new life far away on my own. This way, I feel like I'm going to restart my mindset.

This is the worst part of anxiety. You live with her for a while, then she leaves, and when you think everything's good, she's right there again. I see a therapist twice a week, and he did help me a lot, but I need to help myself. I need to see the beauty in life. I don't want to let her win anymore. Enough it's enough.

I also developed OCD over time, and I don't know how to get rid of it. Wherever I am, my phone needs to stay in a certain way on the table. I have to wash my hands 3 or 13 times ( I don't like even numbers ). I got to repeat a word 3 times, otherwise, something terrible will happen. Am I crazy? I desperately need to see if others are like this. I never got the chance to talk with someone the same as me. 

People always called me a weirdo. I was well-liked by everybody, but I was still that weirdo. I think it got to my head, and now I can't change my perception of myself. 

I started looking on the internet. I'm looking for people that experience the same things as me. Anxiety is making my life a living nightmare. The intrusive thoughts are always coming. So I looked for ways to stop them so that you can feel my frustration. I started to do mediation because here  says that it can be a good form of self-care that'll help me escape. I don't want to take medication.

Thank you so much if you had the patience to read. I want to know your experiences and advice...