My life just seems like an infinite spiral into nothingness. Didn't always used to be that way, but I squandered a lot of opportunities for financial freedom and now I'm just stuck. Had a caregiving situation with my brother for a number of years, which my mom was very irresponsible and abusive throughout (to me, not to him), now my dad's sick and it seems like it's the same pattern all over again: I'm the only kid that helps out the parents, and every day my future for any kind of a healthy life is perpetually put on hold. 

The last several jobs I've had were short lived because my borderline mom just wouldn't stop pushing petty family drama and terrorizing me until I quit both. Now I feel like I'm in a harness of learned helplessness, and it's soul crushing. I don't have a job, because of them what social life I did have crumbled before my eyes because my mom yet again terrorized them until they wanted nothing to do with me.

There doesn't seem to be a way out of this mess, and I blame me for having painted myself into a bleak corner, which my mom happily exploited. I guess overall, I'm screwed and depressed about that fact and suicide has been on my mind every day for the last five years.

If I had someone in my life that could help support me, to lend a hand, I feel like I could get to some semblance of mental health/healthy life. But when you're a loser with no income, it's hard to use "nothing" as a stepping stone.