I just feel really bad rn. I obsess about relationships/guys daily and constantly worry when I will find someone. When I do find someone Im attracted to (rare), I almost always hookup with them within a few hangouts and then they don’t want anything else from me. I also get clingy at this time so even if they were gonna want something more serious, I scare them away by putting on the pressure. 

I just want a relationship so fucking bad. It’s sick but I can’t help it. I don’t understand why I wouldn’t want to be loved and have someone to consistently spend my time with and have fun with and cuddle… like I literally can’t think of anything better? It’s crazy to me that people just tell you not to search for a relationship because why the fuck wouldn’t I want that, you know? 

I get that desperation is extremely unattractive and that’s probably part of the reason why I’m single… but god is it impossible to fight these feelings. I’m getting better at not acting on the feelings but the feelings themselves are very bothersome for me. I just want to be happy and spend my life with someone.