I've been told about people struggling with insomnia who keep powerful medicine on their night stand, but never end up using it, because the thought of having it for emergencies is just enough to help them sleep peacefully. I wish I had something like that, but for death. If I had a some built-in mechanism that would trigger a quick and painless death, anytime things are too hopeless. Maybe it would be just the assurance I need to actually live instead of drowning in constant fear and anguish.