I’m finally surrounded by my friends and family again. It feels nice having a foundation again but unfortunately it does not fill the hole. It’s remarkable how much one person can change you. If anyone else was in this situation and it was me giving them advice I’d be telling them it’s time to let things go and move on. BUT THAT WOULD JUST MAKE TOO MUCH DAMN SENSE WOULDNT IT. Nope my brain just fucking sealed that shit shut altogether. I miss you so much and even if you did decide to talk to me again it’s forced at this point and would feel wrong. I can’t talk to anyone else to move on because I just fucking think about you the entire time. Which is not fair to whoever I try to talk to. I wish we could have just ended things normally so I wouldn’t be fucked up confused for so long. 
If I could just sleep for two months and get a nice soft reset on my memory that would be nice. I can’t comprehend talking to someone everyday to just hating them out of nowhere. Nothings clicking in my head and I can’t cry or process emotions. I can’t smoke anymore. I want to tell myself I’m being dramatic but idk this shit really does suck.