I’ve been in an absolutely spiral the past day or so. I’ve always felt something in me of completely emptiness and I’ve noticed it affecting my day to day life (can’t clean the house/ do chores, can’t get schoolwork done, isolating myself in my relationship and not feeling as connected, not feeling happy when doing “fun” activities with friends/ family), and all of these things have ultimately led to my SO wanting to separate for a bit. I cannot get myself to stop spiraling but I just don’t know what to do. I would tell my SO that I would change and be better each time we had an argument about my behavior, but I just could never do it. I never meant to hurt them, but it has just gotten to the point where he can’t take it anymore. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to navigate things without them. We said we both need to “grow” but I feel like my issue is so much deeper than that and it hurts me so much that I can’t describe it and that they cannot understand. I understand how they feel, but I just wish they can understand me and I feel like things would be so different and I’d feel at least a bit better, but I just feel so alone and lost. I have an appointment with a school wellness center tomorrow to hopefully move things forward with my mental health, but I just feel so crushed. I just wish he can see that I feel so empty and alone and maybe he would see things a bit differently. 

Sorry for the rambling. I feel like this still doesn’t begin to encapsulate how I’m feeling, but I just want somebody to hear me and listen to me.