I want to eat, even though it’s 2 am, just to do something. I have a bag of chips right in front of me. But I’m literally so stressed that I can’t even fathom eating right now. I don’t feel sick, I just don’t have an appetite.

My dad has cancer in his spine and his lymph nodes. His medication is making him so tired that all he does is sleep. He’s weak and constantly in pain and I hate it. These meds are supposed to be saving his life but they’re just making things worse for him. And his oncologist is telling him he’s gonna have to be on them for the rest of his life. 

But at the same time, we get the feeling that she’s withholding information from us.

My stress comes from the mere idea of losing my dad. I know it will happen eventually, as that’s the way life goes, but this is way too soon. And I feel so stupid because I’m mourning something that hasn’t happened yet. Something that might not happen for a long while (best case scenario).

I’ve also been depression sleeping big time. I stay up pretty late and then sleep in til one or two in the afternoon, which I haven’t done in years. All because I’m too depressed to deal with life right now.

And of course, as always, my fucking anxiety is through the roof.

Thanks to all this, this dumb bag of chips I bought over a week ago will probably go to someone else because I literally can’t bring myself to eat them. Which is such a stupid thing to be upset about.