(I don’t want to reveal too much because it’s very personal, but I’ll try to describe it as best I can)

A year ago, I decided to attend an open house meeting for a company that I wanted to work with for a long time. It was my goal to get the job I wanted there. But about an hour or two before, I had a sick feeling in my stomach. I was too determined to let that bother me so I still decided to go.

This is the bad part. I walked into the open house and sat down for a few minutes, but it was then I started to lose control of my breathing and my heart wouldn’t stop pounding. People noticed but I told them I was fine. I wasn’t. I knew I couldn’t handle, so I asked to be excused and I decided to go back home.

I felt awful for days after that and I couldn’t even get out of bed. I shot the manager in charge of it an email to explain myself. They were not pleased. They were harsh in the response and told me what I did was unacceptable and disrespectful, and that if I really cared about the job, I would’ve said something then. Those words pierced my soul, and I still lose sleep over that. On top of that, whenever I get stressed or anxious, those are the exact words that pop up in my mind. I’m just sick of being stuck in that place and hearing that same sentence over and over.