I take a prescription stimulant for ADHD. Whenever I come down, I get a LOT of the BPD symptoms. I idealize a person and spend hours analyzing everything they've ever said to me, thinking of the perfect things to say. Or I get paranoid and cyber-stalk the SHIT out of them, trying to confirm some belief that they have a manipulative agenda, and that they hate me and that I should cut them out of my life altogether. I'm talking google searching their name and looking at the 12th page of google at 6am. 

I also compulsively obsess over my appearance, shaving my beardline to "perfection," tweezing hairs, planning a new diet, etc. I also push my hair into the "perfect" position (there is no perfect position. It never stops. I used to think I had trichotillomania because of this.) 

I have identity crisises, I think about my purpose in life, etc. 


I just want to say...... sorry. I could not imagine my life like this, feeling such a way every single waking moment. I hope every single one of you finds peace. 

