First off I want to clarify that my GF has never been diagnosed with BPD, but about a year ago after a fight she told me she's essentially self diagnosed herself with it when she was young and I looked into it after this and pretty much all the signs/symptoms align with her. 


My girlfriend (25F) and I (27M) have been together since high school and I love her with all of my heart and want nothing but the absolute best for her, but I'm reaching my breaking point with the effects this relationship has had on my mental health over the years. And this is my first time posting online anywhere looking for help.

My girlfriend is honestly an extremely great, caring person. Like one of the most caring people I've ever met. But she also has one of the shortest tempers and doesn't seem to handle almost any negative situations in a productive (for herself or others) way. Also doesn't seem like she wants to hear anything about getting help.

It feels like she pushes every single person in her/my life away. She has fought with pretty much every single one of my friends and her friends and refuses to talk to any of them because she claims they're bad people for honestly a reason I can't understand (I'll get more into this). But it's gotten to a point where I feel like there's almost no one left in our lives besides each other. And I mean I still talk to my friends but rarely see them in person and she does not want to be around them which just makes me not feel like I can't be around them because I don't want to upset her.

Anyway,  over the past 2 years this has all gotten much worse because we've moved in together into a house with a few friends. At first this was great, it was a perfect situation because I play in a band and both of my bandmates were going to live with us along with her best friend who is also a close friend of mine. This was an amazing setup because the basement was able to be set up as a studio and we all got our own bedrooms, a nice living room, kitchen, etc... 

Shortly after moving in it started to become apparent that she did not like when I would do band stuff and work on music. We would get into fights over this because playing music has been essentially my main passion my whole life and it felt like this was being taken away. It got to a point where I felt like I could only go in the basement and play music when she wasn't home. She would even threaten to take everything out of the basement

One of my bandmates and best friends (We'll call him mike) soon started becoming frustrated with me over the fact that I was rarely practicing with them and writing with them. He also soon confronted me because he felt like my girlfriend wouldn't talk to him and would ignore him when he would say hello or tried engaging with her in any way. Soon after this she also confronted me saying Mike doesn't like her. I told her he does and that it's in her head. This lead to a HUGE fight because she felt I was calling her crazy by saying it was in her head, which I never said again after that because it was clearly a trigger for her.

Anyway this went a couple months where my girlfriend was MISERABLE and wouldn't leave our room because she didn't want to see Mike. Eventually the tension got to a point where Mike told me he was going to move out. He then told our other roommates and told me to tell my girlfriend. I did then tell her and she got extremely angry that he didn't tell her himself and essentially banned him from coming back to the house and it lead to him leaving our band we've been in since 10th grade and pretty much destroying our friendship.

This was an extremely painful time for me, especially because my girlfriend constantly said I wasn't on her side and didn't care about her or have her back. I really tried as hard as I could to be on her side, but I I wasn't sure what that meant, there was never a fight between the two of them, she just was quiet around him and she decided he didn't like her and he was a bad person. He even tried getting together with her and apologizing but this honestly made things worse because she claimed it was a fake apology and it was just meant to hurt her more.


Now, in the present, She got into an argument over anime with her best friend who lives with us a few months ago and hasn't talked to them since. She wants an apology from them but this person doesn't know what they did. And it's lead to her pretty much talking to no one in the house and saying they're all bad people and no one cares about her and just all this horrible stuff. 

So pretty much I'm at a point where i live in a house with a group of mine and her friends and she's refused to talk to anyone for months and doesn't want me talking to them either and if I do, she feels like I don't care about her and don't have her back and we get into a fight about it. So now the tension in the house between everyone is super high and I just don't know what to do.


I constantly feel like I'm drowning trying to make her happy while sacrificing myself and my own relationships in the process. Even though I know I'm ranting mindlessly in this, when she is happy she is SUCH A GOOD PERSON. But i feel like she can't maintain her emotions and just flies off the handle seemingly at random. And it just feels like a dark cloud is constantly hanging over me. But at the same time I DO NOT WANT TO LEAVE HER because I care so much about her and want the best for her in life and I want to do anything I can to help her get to a point where she can be happy and everything can be happy.