Hello, first of all I want to acknowledge that I’m not a therapist, but I’m very grateful for this sub because it’s given me a life raft to grab onto amidst the rollercoaster that has been my life this past 6 years. 

I believe my ex has BPD and is undiagnosed. I didn’t understand what was happening while we were in a relationship or why he kept constantly leaving me and coming back, or overreacting to every tiny problem we would have. The breakdown in communication was intense, and I’ve had many low moments where he would shut off communication completely and I would just wallow in despair. 

I guess I’m making this post to just understand things a little better and to get some kind of perspective into his mind. It’s so disheartening that he won’t seek help. I still love him very much, but we had a tumultuous and emotionally volatile relationship. I don’t think there’s hope for us, but I’m so worried for him. I’m so worried he’ll never find happiness—that he’ll keep pushing and pulling people in and out of his life forever. I think he uses people as distractions and has a very hard time being alone. When he’s alone he becomes very depressed.

As of now, the job that he’s doing requires him to be on the road for months at a time. This makes him very unhappy and I’ve been witness to many breakdowns because of it. He gets to this place where he thinks he’s failed at everything and he belittles every accomplishment he’s ever made. It tears me up inside to hear him talk like this and to know I can’t do anything to help him.

For those of you who have BPD, what did it take for you to get help? Have you found ways to establish positive communication within relationships? 

I guess I’m just looking for someone to talk to. We’ve been 6 days no contact now because he told me he’s revolted by the thought of ever being physical with me again. He said because of that he was trying to limit contact. He’s said things like this many times. There’s always a reason why he needs to limit contact and why this time it’s final. But then we just cycle all over again. Having him around when he’s happy makes me so happy. I hate the thought of losing him, but if he won’t get help then I’m just making things worse. Enough is enough, I guess.