We had this huge fight last week and he was verbally abusive to me. For some godforsaken reason (read: codependency), I chose to forgive him literally the next day. I hate to admit this, but in a way his abuse reminded me of my verbally and emotionally abusive father, and it felt like a relief to be treated that way... 

Anyway, I forgave him and the past week or so has been great. He’s been very sweet to me and I can remember the person I fell in love with. I guess I was idealizing him.

But today, I don’t know what happened. I feel like I split on him and he disgusts me so much. I hate myself for being with him. Yet, I am scared to leave him. lol fml. I also feel really distant from myself, like I’m not really there, and everything is just on autopilot. I don’t know if I am making sense.

Does anyone else relate to what I am trying to say? Do you ever split on your partner? Do you ever feel distant from yourself? How do you deal with it all?