I had a partner tell me once that depression wasn’t real. He said people just used it as an excuse to get attention. At the time I couldn’t put into words how depression felt. I finally put it into words today, for anyone out there fighting this sickness everyday, I see you and you are not alone. This is how crippling it feels to me..

The pain is so strong, I almost can’t take it. I’m drowning, the water is heavy on my chest, trapping me in place. I struggle to get free, to try to reach the surface, to get a breath but it gets even heavier and pulls me further under. The pain covers my mouth and nose and leaves me struggling to catch just a touch of air. My lungs are burning, my heart is beating out of my chest but gets shoved back in from the weight it bares. I reach my hands up to grab ahold of something, anything to get me free but the sorrow wraps around my wrists and pulls me back under. I can no longer see as the darkness consumes me. I am drowning, dying, burning from the pain. I want to give up and just let it take me but basic survival instincts won’t let me. I can’t move, can’t breathe, can’t escape this pain that consumes me…and I’m afraid..afraid no one can save me. 

I feel this almost everyday and I am exhausted.