I have dealt with suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD, self harm, and addiction for years now. I am not one bit better than I ever was, but no one knows. No one knows how bad off I am. How often I genuinely entertain the thought of ending myself. In high school my family fought tooth and claw to keep me alive and I was constantly watched and helped. 

Now I'm an adult. I live on my own. I have a job. I have a sweet and loving relationship that I've been in for nearly 2 years. Everyone thinks I'm doing good. I was recently molested by someone I trusted and now all my problems are ten thousand times worse. I have no one I can trust, my last trauma has made me insanely paranoid. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I can't keep fighting, but now there is no one but me keeping me safe. If I were to lose control and make an attempt- I'd succeed. 

The thought terrifies me, I'm alone. Alone with all the same issues I've always had, nothing is better I just got better at hiding it. I had to tell someone, so here I turn to the void of anonymous internet strangers. Thanks for listening Reddit.