I told myself today I'd go and volunteer at the charity shop, I've been avoiding it for weeks but I keep promising people I'll make myself go, I don't know whats stopping me I keep making excuses, I'm too tired, hungover, need a haircut, I'll just be in a bad mood when I get there, can't I go tomorrow instead. I actually went into the shop last week to tell them I'd be in this week and I delibrately left the second half of the week free to give myself no excuse not to go and YET lol

I think it might be because I have bad memories of that town, or because I'm feeling self conscious, or lacking confidence and worried they might start asking questions about how I am or what I've been up to and I'll start feeling ashamed of myself again... the volunteers in the shop are always so nice to me but I find it so stressful going to town, even last week all I did was look in the shop and talk to a volunteer for ten minutes and I felt exhausted. 

I keep telling myself I do enjoy going there, even though its been months since I felt I could, the volunteers are nice, the work isn't that hard and I'm mostly by myself in the department I volunteer in, the work itself isn't a problem and they're so nice and understanding about my mental health but I still put off wanting to go and it makes me feel so shit about myself and honestly makes me think if I can't handle one hour a week of volunteering I'll never be able to cope with real work with deadlines and strict rules and expectations...