I have a newer doctor who has helped me out with a few medical conditions I’ve been having. I want to ask for anti depressants as it’s blatantly obvious to myself and people around that somethings wrong. I really want my feelings blunted because all I ever do is feel miserable for seemingly no big deal.  I remember a few years ago telling a co worker that retirement planning was stupid because I’m going to kill myself whenever I know my kid is old enough to fully succeed in life. I want this lack of happiness to end. 

That said, I’m still traumatized after being forced to a shrink at 14 when my parents decided to divorce and haul me into the middle of it and fuck me up. I won’t talk to anyone that’s paid to pretend to care.