24M. Really would appreciate any input. I've never had issues with intrusive thoughts or anything ever until a year ago when we had our first child, then my life changed. Horrible violent intrusive thoughts started this insane fear of schizophrenia or psychosis, with root of the fear being "losing control" and harming my loved ones for some deluded reason. Come to find out my grandfather that I never knew was apparently schizophrenic, but also used hard drugs and was a bad alcoholic so who knows if it was substance induced rather than schizophrenia. Anyway ive had such severe anxiety, derealization and stress since this started and I just want my life back. I've seen clinical psychs several timesheet, taken evaluations, etc and been told I just have severe anxiety after adjusting to the baby. They said no red flags whatsoever as far as my fears. But my mind can't stop, it thinks "what if I'm fine now...but in the future I'll lose it". I keep seeing triggering shit on the news and fb, just yesterday about a dude in Cali that shot his fiance and someone else because "they were trying to set him up" he kept saying. Everyone's claiming he's mentally ill. My mind goes directly to "omfg....what if I do that to my fiance and our baby??" And it kills me. If you read this or have advice I greatly appreciate your time.