Hey,

I have GAD with a large dose of health anxiety. My anxiety has been super bad again in recent months and I am suffering from panic attacks, having trouble sleeping, am hyperfocused on my body and overthinking or worrying about every little ache or pain or weird sensation. I started therapy again, I learned some great CBT methods to help me when I start to panic or feel really anxious (which is literally all the time). But for some reason I often don't do it. It's so weird, like I am afraid to give up some control or let go of the hypervigilance I am feeling. Yet I know that if I breath deep or listen to guided meditation that it CAN help. Not always, but often. Instead I choose to be a big ball of anxious tension, on the verge of crying from fear and I dont understand it. Why don't I help myself? Does anyone else do this? 

Or like for instance, instead of reading that news article about some random illness or scary health thing, I do read it. And then I read the reddit comments underneath about all their personal anecdotes which just heightens my panic, anxiety and existential dread and makes me worry even more. 

I have an awesome boyfriend who doesn't have anxiety. We do stuff together and the whole time I am preoccupied with worries and hyper focusing and not actually being there in the moment and focusing on my time with him and actually ENJOYING it and letting myself feel happy. I could cry just thinking about it. Its so exhausting and makes me feel so sad and scared. 

Does anyone else do this too? I wish I had better self control and would help myself more.