I don't know if I can deal with a job with my mental illness, but I want a job and I want to work, but I'm scared of the responsibility that comes with working, and I'm scared that I'm not able to withstand it. The "dread" that people talk about is demotivating.

Responsibility, time, and the future are the main things that cause my anxiety, a contract combines all of that. 
I hate hearing things like "6 months", "a year", and future dates like 3/4/2023, whatever the setting is, which is why I try to avoid long term anything, loans, installments, even avoiding looking at the expiration dates on my cards, I don't know what it is, but those things just give me a sense of anxiety.