Every day at this point I feel a very specific type of depression seeping in, mostly to do with feeling different from other people and unable to properly socialize. Every day I'm reminded of all the stuff normal people are able to do, like flirt and talk confidently and make friends, and it seriously darkens my mood. I think every now and then about all the social milestones I've missed and this burning despair just soaks through me. My nerves start to sting and I lose focus. It takes active effort to not fall to pieces, it's as much a physical reaction as it is a mental and emotional one. 

I became so used to being rejected and hated since I was young that it's difficult to interact with anyone. I want this to stop but it physically hurts every time I feel the possibility of being judged or disliked.