(seeing as I won’t be able to ever say anything to any of them... I’ll go here)

We’ve got the Parent who left me when i was born 🥰and never reached out again!!

the parent who “raised” me (read: abused the shit out of me 💯but not the other kids!)

And then we have the narcissistic Step parent who probably gets off from the fact that they “saved me” (in their head) and let’s it be everyone’s business, with them as the centre of the storyline as a “hero”. BUT actually, they just make everything about themselves, and were always complacent to the abuse I experienced. No regard for the CPTSD and the VAST amount of issues this upbringing has caused me. and step parent would let me know that “they know EXACTLY how I feel” because they had a difficult couple of days with my abuser. NO. YOU DON’T KNOW HOW I FEEL. you never will.

Fucking none of them ever will know.


Idk I’m just feeling it all rn. I’m so angry and devastated that it’s happened to me (I know it’s a pity party.. sorry) and that everyone else around me irl clearly can’t relate or even begin to fathom the torture that this life is. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. 

My therapist from a while back said I’m essentially an orphan and I thought that was a bit of a stretch but now I see how it’s not. Without any parents.. that’s what it is.

I’ve never been lonelier but my “family” are a disaster I wouldn’t wish on anyone and definitively I can’t rely on them. They also did a great job at isolating me from peers and support my whole life so now I’m even more socially inept than was necessary. As well as being a walking target for bullying by lowlifes.


Emotionally orphaned, at least, for sure. It’s why I’m desperate for love and validation from any source!! which is so embarrassing. and I seem to be a magnet for bullying and shitty treatment despite being a grown up and out of that situation. (Sort of)


I try to keep my head up high and be grateful that I don’t have contact with my abuser but sometimes reality smacks me down and I can’t take this overwhelming feeling of how downright unfair it all is. That all my suffering is in vain because I’m “high functioning” and my parents “must’ve had their reasons” or “but I couldn’t even imagine your (mom/dad/etc) doing that!” victims are never believed. It’s a constant war in my mind and not even in a joking, “okay edge lord calm down” way - it is warfare. All the time. With some distractions chucked in.


Instead we, as a collective, get blamed and stigmatised the most I’ve seen. (Worked in psychiatry for a bit and not disclosing anything about myself - you wouldn’t believe what is said about BPD patients by MENTAL HEALTH TRAINED STAFF.)


Not only are we stigmatised but probably *the* most stigmatised label that can exist, as attention seekers and psychos. 🤡 excellent!


Idk what I want out of this post.. I’m just mad and upset rn. At everyone who let me down and how I’d rather die than to see someone hurt even in the tiniest way bc I’ll feel their pain physically, writhing in discomfort about hurting someone, but no one cares about me. And how no one cares about BPD in general.


Anyway I’ve exhausted myself. How do y’all cope with these feelings? Seriously lol help bc I don’t know how to get through this. This world is fucked