So I always blame myself. Whenever something goes wrong I always blame me. When I was a kid my mother would always blame others for everything. It was always someone else's fault and it was very common for her to blame me and my sister for things she did. 

Recently I realized that this has effected me in two ways. Subconsciously it's made me always immediately feel like I'm at fault for everything. Cause when ever something went wrong I would get blamed.

But on the flip side, consciously I don't want to blame other people cause I don't want to be my mother. She blamed everyone else I and I don't want to be like her. So I'm actively trying to not blame others all while passively blaming myself constantly. 

It's exhausting. So if everything isn't going perfect I just spiral down so hard. I can be happy and the littlest thing can happen, I don't even have to have even the slightest bit of control and yet I will blame myself for it.