This might get long but I just really need to vent everything out, recently my mental state has been getting worse after a period of actual happiness for a chang. It might be important to understand that Im a 15M but I don't know, anyway, I've always had a rocky childhood, My mom and dad haven't been in my life since I was 6 and those memories are awful. I live with my grandmother and my brothers now but I feel so trapped and alone, I don't feel loved at all and I'm kinda scared of my grandmother, my brothers have always told me to kill myself and it's clear I'm the annoying ass clown in the family, regardless, I've tried to go to my grandmother for help but all she has done was yell at me for being over dramatic when I started crying and my legs started shaking after she slammed the table, anyway enough preliminary. I've always been told by people that left me that I was the reason they left and that I'm an aashole which I believe because well I just keep being told that and I now have doubt that I'm anything but a terrible shitty human, I just feel isolated and alone and honestly I just really want to die, I don't really have friends which I guess it my fault for not having any but regardless I'm tried of feeling alone and isolated and ignored by everyone around me. I really love my doggo and honestly the best part of of coming home is seeing her wagging her tail, she's sweet and she's really my only friend y'know? I have one closer friend and she's pretty dope and chill but I know she has some pretty server problems of her own and I don't want to add onto those. Anyway I just feel and have felt really isolated for the past month and it's an on and off switch every few months for the past few years, I'm sorry if I'm not being too concise and clear I just feel really out of it and I just want to sleep for a bit. Anyway it felt nice to get everything off my chest and I hope I can use this sub to progress myself away from both self harm and just a bad mindset in general, I hate my scars too so that only makes things worse so to whoever replies/cares is there anything I can use to hide them? they're on my arm and it's a mix of burns and cuts any advice will help me greatly and I appreciate any advice you guys can give me.