I am someone who has no clear diagnosis and have been bounced around. I have an alphabet soup. PDNOS with avodant and bpd features has been one, so I have visited here from time to time. I also have been to bipolar subs (diagnosed bipolar on and off), cptsd more recently.

I don't know. I've tried alot of meds and therapies. Nothing really worked, things partially helped, nothing is helping me now. I've climbed out of a dark place and came out of crisis last year, but nothing gets me fully to stability. I've tried diet, meditation, support groups. I don't belong anywhere. I feel like I'm different somehow. There are people much more severe or who have beenthrough much worse, and they get better, I get left behind.

I've made a plan to end my life at the end of the year, it's just a relief to know my battle will finally be over. I'll tell my therapist next week when.I see them, I don't know what she can do about it, I've gone through all the resources I could find when I moved here in the last three years. I've been fighting for 4 decades. I'm just terminally ill, it's not going to get better. I've gotten.worse instead.

I'm just really tired and can't think anymore, but I've been too wired to sleep. Maybe I will get sleep tonight. Maybe I can just hide from the world tomoorow and never really get away.