It's a long story... Imma keep it short.

When i was young i addicted to porn addiction and masturbate addiction, which mean porn addicting i watched all types of porn categories like straight, gay, trans except lesbian and the trans porn was the most addictive... 
 After years of notice the consequences of the porn abuse I stopped watching porn then after years life gotten better but Not too great, i build myself up and a lot of new experiences was enjoyable etc... 

Here the fuck up part
And i was always attract to women... I always been crush on women since i was such a kid... And recently i got the flashback from my past porn addiction of how i was jerking off to all porn especially gay and trans porn... I got traumatized and starting to questioning myself whether I'm gay or straight??? After that incident whenever I'm around same gender i start to feel sort attract or just false feelings like an anxious and quite  uncomfortable feelings... And a sudden intrusive Thoughts came up again and again almost every hours, it's so fucking annoying and damn frustrating... I keep questioning myself again and again, am i gay or straight? I heard about HOCD I'm not sure if I'm HOCD or denied... At this point i feel like suicidal to be honest. Am i denying that I'm gay? Or I'm just experiencing an mentally disorder?.cause i have been dealing with mental disorders all my life through recovering from porn like major depressive episodes and social anxiety. 

In conclusion i seriously don't want to be gay... I'm not homophobic but I'm really scared though.