Since I was young I had hard times fitting in and making solid friendships. I still remember being young and meeting this girl in elementary school and I think we had the same outfit or something and I wanted to be her best friend. She said she would come to my house to visit me and she never did instead my mom and brother called me down stairs and pranked me that she was there it was so cruel and I cried I was hella pissed and sad. I was so young too and the fact I remember that is significant cus my memory usually garbage these days and it's been that way for fucking years. Sigh.. even as I got older like yeah I made friends but never anything solid or really significant. Now a days I still feel alone and it's garbage. It's jokes how ppl wanna always snatch my energy up when I'm doing well alone then I become reliant or some co dependent fool wanting to be enough for them. It ain't me they seeking tho it's just my vital psychic energy. I feel I need to cut these folks out for good and never look back but the ass thing bout it is I'm always alone so feel lonely within time and go back to the shitty ass superficial relationships. Hate it can't stand my desperation. To the point I don't even feel any emotions towards the idea of even meeting new folks anymore. It's always going to be 1. A waste 2. A disappointment 3. A false illusion. I wish I could have been the "it" girl or w.e instead I'm just the average girl ppl wanna use for their own desires. Hate it wanna escape this whole shit realm. I'd legit rather just be single and vibing to my music or w.e the hell than being constantly lead on lol its ok if u ain't into me just don't pretend n let me move on. Ffs