The anger is towards my brother who stole a lot of my parents money (my money) after they died. And never stops lying and gaslighting. My sister shouted at me this summer and said she's worried about my brother. She is doing some crazy mental gymnastics to say its my fault he stole a massive amount of money. Apparently I cause him stress. (I didn't even know until 2 months later, but yeah I'm responsible?) This is the brother that laughs while watching me self harm. And said it didn't matter if my dad was in pain because he was going to die the next day. Which my dad did. He at first said he'd pay this money back somehow. All lies. 

Today he announced he's just joined this luxury gym. He even said it in this bragging way. I haven't even had a spring or summer due to my siblings disgusting behavior. I ended up in the ER and hospital for 5 days from dehydration and exhaustion. 

I just collapsed one morning and my sodium was dangerously low and then they couldn't get it to go back up for several days. They drew loads of blood every 2 hours 24/7 for 3 days. I JUST got back into a healthy weight also after being underweight for almost a year. The thought of him going to a spa like gym to relax is making me ill. My stomach is in knots. I feel physically angry. I feel really weird. I can't take it anymore. These people are bloody lunatics. I'm so sick of being gaslit. I wish I could just sleep forever. 

But I don't mean exactly killing myself. I just feel like I need to sleep forever to cope or recover. I just want it quiet. I'm not sure how my DNA is related to theirs. (I won't kill myself so please don't worry, it's just a really bad feeling).