What a shitshow of a life, I can't even feel sorry for myself anymore. 36 years on this alien world and more than half of it under depression. Sometimes I feel that if had my ASD diagnostic earlier things may have been different for me and the people around me but who am I kidding. 

I'm currently finishing prepping what I expect to be a lethal dose that will end this meaningless suffering. Tomorrow I'll go to a couple of different drug stores to buy the remaining amount, I think what I have now is pretty brutal but not enough and I don't want a failed attempt so I'll get more just to be sure.

I know attempts by OD are only successful 15% of the time and that if you survive you will end up with liver or brain damage but I think I got the logic right and the cocktail I'm preparing will be enough.

I have my letter written and a timed email that will let my family know how to distribute my savings and mundane material things.