I won't make a long post, but i just gotta rant.

I'm an only child with some social anxiety and i just started college. Ive made lots of progress that I'm proud of. Like I'm going out and getting takeout by myself; before college i was too scared to even go out alone. 

But i havent made that many friends. I've joined a few clubs and stuff. Im making good friends with this one person from high school, which I'm happy about. 

But i don't have a friend group and I just upset that I'm not that social. But i just shut down whenever i have the opportunity. For example, i just got invited to play pool with some people, and i literally said i had homework to do as an excuse (tbh i do have HW). 

Like here i am complaining to myself that i don't have many friends, and I fucking decline being social and hanging out?!?!? Honestly hope that i get hit by traffic on my way to class. I deserve it. 

I'm sick of being an introvert. I want to irresponsible and go to parties and be social and enjoy college. But instead i do homework and decline making friends 🙃

Can someone like punch me? Something's not right in my head.