Hi! I'm finding dating with BPD a little frustrating. I don't know if it's my BPD brain overthinking things at times or what reality is. 

My initial thought is to find someone with the traits I enjoyed of my former FP. I felt like had everything I wanted in that relationship except emotional support, intimacy, and love. My FP even said before he broke up with me that we basically just had a friendship. But I wanted the intimacy, love, and more. He just couldn't give that to me as that's not who he is. 

So far the traits seem near impossible to find. I like men generally 35-45, a little bit country or at least tough, loves animals, loves cars, mlb, business owner, humorous, and wants to be monogamous (over time not initially). I have insecurity issues like anyone else, but overall I identify as a high value woman. I'm confident and know I bring a lot of good traits to a relationship.

**So my first question is, are these expectations too high?**

I settled in my last relationship so a part of me feels done settling. But if I have unrealistic expectations, I just don't know how to manage this.

I met a guy who checked off a decent amount of these boxes. We went on a first date and he kissed me. Which I read somewhere that men that are really into you will be scared of kissing on the first date. I didn't let it get that far, but still let him know I was into him. He texted me today saying he'd like to see me again. When I asked what he had in mind, he said bringing dinner over to my place and watching a movie. For a second date.

That implies hooking up right? I'm not into hookup culture, or at least the high value woman in me feels like I shouldn't allow it. I keep mentioning high value as I am trying to turn myself into someone respectable. I feel like I've been walked over my entire life and I no longer want to give in. I don't think enjoying sex = low value, but on a second date feels soon for me personally.

**Was I right to turn down the second date with this guy?**

In the manner of good old BPD impulsivity I told him that I'll pass on the in-home date as I'm not seeking hookups. But I wish him well and don't want to string him along. And then blocked. Maybe I should've kept it open to see what he said. But it just really threw me off.