In all honesty, I just feel like a monster. I’m an absolute mess. I’ve been taking meds ever since I ended up in the psych ward three years ago, and so far I’m on my 5th one. I feel like I’ve lost all sense of dignity. Am I crazy? Am I not who I think I am? I just don’t know how to see myself anymore. At least I’m going to see a psychiatrist this week, because I hate tormenting myself, and my therapist will be there with me. 

Sometimes I see myself as emotionally and developmentally stunted because I had an abusive childhood, and I feel so broken because of it. How shameful is that? That you’re emotionally stunted? People make fun of that. I blame myself, like, is it my fault I didn’t fulfill those developmental milestones as a kid? Because clearly my parents didn’t. And now I’m 19 but my emotions are still in a childlike state while society expects me to be more mature, but I just can’t; I don’t know how. I feel like an absolute defect, that I’m nothing more than a clump of pure shame and distortion.