TW: gaslighting, mentions of suicide.
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I think my boyfriend is gaslighting me. The start to our relationship was bad. The first time he asked me to be in a relationship (it was underlined monogamous) he messaged me a few days later asking if we were closed because there was a girl who liked him. I was confused, upset, suicidal, the whole 9 yards. I deleted our messages because I was under so much stress anytime I'd open messages and see his name. 
We eventually got together, it's been about 2 years since then. However... we had a big argument about the beginning of our relationship tonight along with other things. He said he doesn't remember it being that way. I'm aware that my memory is shit but there is no way I'm misremembering. I remember opening, seeing, reading the texts. I remember how hard my heart sank, how horrible and used I felt.
I told him I'd find the texts to show him on his phone.

All of our conversations were there, except that one. But I could tell when in the convo I broke up with him because I became very distant at a point. I think he deleted those messages. 

I don't know if anyone has any advice. I think I want to end things but I'm struggling, its painful. This is someone I fought to be with, I was so happy the day we actually got together and stayed together.