Trigger Warning: Hi this is my first time on Reddit for a while and i'm upset that the only reason I've come here is for advice instead of cheap laughs.

I'm just so confused? I'll get straight to the point. I'm a pretty bad person, I've done a lot of things i regret and karma has definitely come back and hit me hard. I've taken my pain out on a lot of people and I've lost a lot of friends because of it. I've hurt a lot of people and the universe has hit me back. Since 2018  I began cutting, i tried it once to see what it was like but it became like a black hole to me and an escape away from the sadness in my life. Since then I've been through a lot but nothing necessarily majorly bad, just smaller things that create bigger problems. 

I am currently 15 years old. I recently moved in with my dad after i attempted to kill myself for a 3rd time. The reason behind this was because i believe my mum found me to be too much to handle, i think seeing her own flesh and blood do this to them self over and over again really got to her and she just wanted a break. At first i was extremely hostile towards her because of somethings she said in the heat of the moment ( like calling me an attention seeker ) but now i realise i was just hurting her more.

Nothing traumatising has ever happened to me that has taken a major turn in my life now that i think about it but i also think its the little things that have hurt me. I know i sound like one of those edgy teens you'd see plastered all over social media saying "You don't understand my pain", but truly not even i understand what i'm going through. 

Around the same time as i began cutting i had also begun to think i was transgender, i had always wanted to be a girl so i began acting on it. i decided that maybe it was the wrong time then; but now around a month ago i began acting on it again and i came out to my friends and family. 

This hellish environment we are living in right now has made me think about asking for advice like on here and i think i really need it right now. I don't know what i'm asking of you all but i'm asking for help. I have a doctor but i'm yet to tell her about my problems but i think i need some advice before i can do so which would be tomorrow. 

If you were to look on my profile by the way then you would see some suspicious things that would possibly make you believe this post was entirely false and posted here to karma farm, i can assure this is real, a lot of my other posts were to karma farm but now i'm really asking you for help because this is when i need it the most! i don't know whats going to happen next and i need to be prepared.