I am a long time lurker. I've made one post before. But I need help. I'm lost. I came home from work today to my wife being home early. As I walked in she immediately greeted me with "I want a divorce"


She says she isn't happy anymore. She says she unhappy because she is tired of doing everything at the house. She has a very long commute for work and then she gets home and cooks and cleans.


And she's right. I'm lazy as fuck. I want to be productive, I tell myself everyday that "Today, I'm going to do X chores as soon as I get home" and instead I get high, play games, watch TV, take my daughter outside, anything to avoid the work. All the while feeling like "I'll do X in just a few minutes" and I don't know how to stop it.


She also says that she thinks I'm unhappy because I'm angry so much. She's right about that too. I know I have anger issues and have been trying to get better. I thought I had been making some progress, but I guess not as much as I thought. I stopped therapy during the pandemic, I should have made more effort to keep going.


Thats always my problem. I can't ever seem to make myself do what I really want to do. I self handicap by "forgetting to try" or whatever dumb excuse I make. It's everything in my life too, if it's not something I'm doing to prove someone else wrong then I just never seem to want to do the work when the time comes.


But where she is wrong is that my family is the only thing that does make me feel happy. We have worked hard together to build the life we currently have. We just bought a house, our only child is 4 years old and almost out of expensive ass daycare. 


She won't even talk to me right now, she went to her parents house for the weekend and said we'll talk on Monday. I have already fucked up that part too. I've called 30 times, texted repeatedly. Obviously I've made her mad about it.

I don't want to lose her from my life. I don't want to lose daily access to my daughter. I don't want to lose everything we've built. I want her to stay. But I don't want to manipulate her to do it. 

I feel myself slipping and I don't want to lose myself, but I'm all alone with this problem. And I don't know if I can handle it.