Okay so basically the title —  I am so super severely depressed right now and I keep romanticizing and glorifying hypomania and putting it on this pedestal even though I know how scary and out of control it gets. It’s really is great, until it’s really not. I genuinely feel like it’s a drug and I can’t stop thinking about it. I want it so so badly and my mind will not stop convincing me to induce it and coming up crazy ways to, some of which are dangerous, unhealthy, and just foolish. Every single time I was hypomanic there came a point where I begged a higher power to end it, because well, if you’ve ever been manic you know why. Why is my brain doing this to me? How do I stop it? It’s like no matter how logical I can be and how much I reason with it, it will NOT go away. It’s a craving right now and I don’t know how to get rid of it. It’s stopping me from actually trying to think of alternative ways to get myself out of this rut and stable. Anyone else?! Please? 😖 It’s exhausting.