I am such a massive manchild. I feel like I have to share this.

I saw my trauma therapist today and she asked me how I thought a person with BPD's life might be like. Among many things I said it's difficult because of the splitting. She then asked me how splitting might be good in a high stress, abusive situation and I said it would be good for protection. Then she asked if I split at all today and I said no, but then I remembered I had done so over a cleaning reminder. I literally thought of the person reminding me as a potential threat but went ahead and cleaned anyway because I know how I overeact to that subject, to the point that I often just don't clean.

Keeping that in mind when continued talking for a bit and she told me straight up that it's okay to tell someone when they piss you off. She has other clients who split over mistakes she makes but they almost always come back because they know they can tell her how they feel and why.

So with this example I decided I would try to tell my friend who reminded me how that actually felt. She's known me for a couple years so when I told her it pisses me off and I felt like she was evil and dangerous she understood. She knows I am triggered by cleaning and I really appreciate her help even though it's like that. She said me talking to her about it was progress but that I should consider other people's feelings more.

She really, really hates having to remind a 30+ year old to do chores. I didn't even consider anyone else but myself in the equation.

The way am I now is going to cause problems if I don't overcome the triggers and change. I can't say to myself "I don't want to clean" for the rest of my life because my mother beat me over it and screamed constantly. Anyway, my room is clean and I'd thought I'd share.