Im usually so happy. Im usually the excited for life friend. Im usually creative as hell, and conversational as heck! Im usually just so... chatterbox-like and enjoy life to the fullest extent. But recently things have been just so bland. I feel a weird need for reassurance over pretty much everything and feel like a mess. I've been procrastinating over everything and I think its affecting those around me as well (dynamics are off). One thing I struggle with, is asking for GENUINE support that I'd give to a friend. Like I can talk about my problems, yes, but I never really ask anyone for more than that, as I feel like it'll drive them away if they find out how genuinely sad I can be at times. My rooms constantly a mess, I never stick to having 3 meals a day. Im in a spiral of chaos and it just keeps descending.

I know it's depression but I genuinely just don't know what to do. Its like im procrastinating getting help, but I dont even know what type of help I could be procrastinating. (I've got ADHD)

I miss who I was, and I wish I could just snap out of this and laugh hard with people again, especially my partner, he really deserves at least 100 gold stars and 10 of the freshest Harvey's Buffalo chicken poutines (not sponsored) for appreciating me, even now as my world feels like its collided chaos.

As for the most important people in my life, they all know its been tough for me recently, but not to this extent. And I guess I'm worried as to push my feelings away if I do open up, cause that's what I do almost always as a coping mechanism. The truly fun "this is what's going on in my life and it really affects me deeply, I don't feel okay at all, and haven't for a while... BUT EVERYTHING IS OKAY AND YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME, I'LL FIGURE IT OUT ON MY OWN!!!"

I guess what I might need is some advice and maybe steps to take to realllly get better, and maybe to be able to find humility and fun in this wacky world we live on.

TL/DR chaos and madness. Adhd. Dont know what steps to take to make myself feel any better (in significant ways). Help.