I live with my husband, but im gonna call it breaking up instead of divorce, we have no children so in the end it's essentially the same thing. 

I've just been thinking lately that I'm miserable in this marriage, I feel very lonely in general and he is just such a huge trigger for me no matter whose fault it is. Without him I would be more lonely, but perhaps also more free and if I could only get past the suicidal thoughts, maybe it would push me to meet new people and start up my life again. Not sure though, because I've fallen into deep depression social anxiety and isolation. I feel worthless but I don't know if it's because of him. I don't think it's good for him to be around me either so that's also something to consider. I feel stuck in a bad situation, that's all I know for sure. 

I just don't know how you decide it's time to go, you know? I've been splitting and thinking wrong stuff all my life so I can't trust my own feelings on this. I have no trusted friends or relatives I can talk to. He breaks promises sometimes, he has been lying about some stuff, but doesn't everyone? I don't know what a normal person can expect from a healthy relationship. Is there a book or something that could tell me how much a normal person can expect from loved ones? I need a life troubleshooting manual. Cause I know I'm fucked up and I know I don't have realistic expectations of people. So what are the right ones. What expectations can you have? This is so confusing to me. Maybe he's the best husband ever and I just can't see it through my twisted brains. 

A thought : if I don't know what's right, maybe I should be single and in therapy until I understand these things better? Maybe I should break up with him just in case I'm too sick to know what's good for me?