If you come across this post please, I beg you, read until the end.

Hello, yesterday I broke up with my boyfriend who I also consider my bestfriend. My life is not going very well at the moment and I feel like this was kinda the last straw. He told me he has some problems with his mental health and feels like he needs some time to himself. He says that if he can not care for me (because of the state he is in) then there's no point in staying together. To give some context we started as fuck buddies right after he broke up with his ex and then got into a serious relationship but have never said "I love you" to each other. He told me that he is feeling insecure about our relationship because of this as well. I feel like I am not enough for him even though I am putting my heart into this relationship. I feel so insecure because he loved his ex so much... I often ask myself what do I not have that she does? I admit that I am not a very easy person to deal with since I come from a past of emotional trauma and abuse and feel unconforable doing various things like complimenting him and saying he looks cute and so on. This and some other behaviors bother him but are not the cause of the way he is feeling. I am feeling very overwhelmed by this whole situation given the fact that I do not have a job and my family is really struggling financially. I've been finding myself having thoughts about self harm and have had various anxiety attacks where I feel like I have a huge weight on my chest and can't breathe or breathe rapidly. I have not eaten anything in 2 days and I feel like if I were to eat I would throw up.
To top it all off he also said that he was scared to break up with me because of my current suicidal thoughts. When he said this I felt horrible, I felt that even without meaning it I've been manipulating him. I feel horrible, I don't know what to do but I know for a fact that I can't go on like this. He is the only joy in my life and I think that if I were to actually lose him I wouldn't be able to cope.He told me to give him some time but I don't know if I can hold on that long. I feel like I've lost a piece of my heart. I wrote this on a whim since I don't have any friends apart from my boyfriend. Leaving aside this situation I also can't find a job because there aren't any where I'm leaving and can't afford university. I don't know what to do with my life I feel like I don't have any perspectives. All I am thinking about in the last two days are dark thoughts about how maybe harming myself will alleviate this pain which I know it won't but it seems like I can't think rationally right now.