There..is so much that need to be done.  


I need to look for internships (which involves calling around and it makes me really anxiety, stutter levels of anxiety, can barely talk once they pick up, and its so exhausting), Have this project work at school, the last part of this current course, and im not quite sure how to get it done since ima lil bit confused about it (cuz of covid i have to do it at home, and yeah, the fact that i dont know "how" to start, gives me anxiety) and im running behind schedule atm.  


And to top it all off, my grandma passed away about 2 weeks ago and im going to her funeral on thursday. Its all getting a lil too much..ya know?.. Started this education to become an electrician cuz i want to have a respectable career and try something new, nothing major, im not ambitious in that way, but im just not that interested in it. Some parts of it is fascinating and fun, but much of it isnt.   


I feel like im tanking, like its all getting too much. Ive come this far, over a year of struggling, growing with my anxiety, getting better at dealing with it, mindfulness, meditation bla bla.. But right now, its like nothing is working and im kinda scared.. Im scared of myself, of giving up. I just wanted to rant guys, if you got anything you want to say, id be grateful. Thank you..