Every day the thought of dying crosses my mind. I’d rather die than grow up to be a failure. And now I think my feelings of depression are ruining my relationship with my boyfriend. I love him so much but I think it’s beyond repair. I want to starve myself and die. I was so close to doing this about a year ago but my parents and boyfriend forced me into gaining weight. Now I think I will resent them forever. Even though I love them. Everyone said I would be happier once I gained weight but I feel worse and want to die a lot of the time. Nobody would even care if I died. Not enough. Also my therapists are fucking useless and so are my antidepressants. My therapists don’t even know I think about killing myself cause if I told them they’d probably send me to a fucking hospital. I can never be honest about how I feel with them. Or with anyone. And when I am honest I ruin everything.