I haven’t actually thought through what I was going to write, it’s really late and my overthinking is overwhelming my sleep so I thought I’d open up (a little) about how I actually feel.

I’m not that old, I’m still a teen but I’m mentally exhausted. I’m really good at putting up the “happy face on the outside even though everything behind it is emptiness. I’ve been acting for so long it’s now a habit of mine. And everyone is successfully fooled by my act, at the same time every time I laugh and or smile the last bit of emotions I have left are grasping for air and taking their last breaths before they leave me empty. 

I’ve come to the point that I can make myself feel happy just to reinforce the act but I’m not.

At the same time, I feel like everyone is always expecting the highest from me with disregard of my mental health, my parents always want me to do good in school, which I do but it’s like stabbing yourself to make your killer happy. I haven’t actually talked with them about it because I feel like they’re either going to overreact or just tell me to get over it.

I just wanted to speak a little out of my mind but even after admitting this my punishment continues. And gain nothing from this confession…