it’s actually just fucking pointless to try at this point. i wish so many things were oh so different, but i know that won’t change. at least not for many years. i wish i had a reason to feel bad to the outside, everyone who doesn’t know all the shit i think and feel. they just think i’m lazy or don’t care or just fucking something. there’s more to me than that, i feel shit and i can’t do anything about that. yes i see you judging me, but how would you fucking feel if you knew. if only you knew. fuck you.