I saw a picture of my ex and her new boyfriend today on Facebook and I have felt so overwhelmed since. It has been years since we’ve broken up but that relationship left me traumatized. I still don’t think I’m ready to date again despite getting to know someone I have a slight crush on. 

I feel like something has swallowed me whole and not matter how many times I fight to get out, I am stuck in this room of memories. Memories that ruined me and have made me into a brand new person. And for the most part, I’m a better person but today, right now, I feel defeated. 

And I can’t talk to anyone. My therapist I was seeing basically told me to get over it(I stopped seeing her after.) My friends are tired of hearing about it. I get it’s been years but this weight in my chest is back again. I have been sitting in the same spot for about an hour just stuck. I feel like I can’t move from this position. Everything is too loud. Nothing could make me feel better in the moment.

Sometimes I force myself to believe I’m being too overdramatic but how can this be when I feel this way? I don’t know if having BPD makes it worse or if I would feel this way regardless but I just wish it wasn’t so intense. 


I feel if anyone understand, it will be someone inside here. Who knows the intensity. Sorry it’s so long.