I suppose most of my anxiety revolves around relationships and sex. I've been single for about a year now and have been okay but I've been thinking a new relationship would be nice. 

I'm talking to this guy that I met online, and he was willing to drive two hours from where he lived to my town to meet today. I was so excited about the idea and we talked so much about it but then today came around, and I was freaking out so so much and I could not calm myself down, I ended up throwing up and cancelling it on him. 

Now he's disappointed, which is understandable, and not really talking to me the same as before, which is also understandable. I really, really liked this guy, and I totally fucked it up. I don't even know how to keep talking to him. 

The first date with my ex ended up with me throwing up nice out of nervousness and overall wasn't a great time and I didn't want that to happen to this date especially since he was driving from two hours away. 

I fucking hate myself, I can't relieve I ruined this.