I will start this off by stating I have sought out help and am in the process of it now. I am 26(M) and have pretty much lived a life that has withered down my very being. I never really called myself "depressed" since I honestly just thought of it as "if you want to self delete, your depressed" or "you feel no joy at all ever" and nothing more. But in fact it is a very wide spectrum, and when I took a good look at myself I realized I've probably been depressed for the past 15 years of my life. I've lost interest in all things, I procrastinate and convince myself "I'll do it later" knowing damn well "later" will come and go a million times and I won't do it. I honestly don't care about my well being. I'm all around apathetic towards people that aren't REALLY close friends or family, and my emotional range is infinitely small.(I've been this way for a looooong time) As a by product of my childhood and my first job in customer service, I'm a pretty good actor. People notice somethings off with me? I can play it off and ease that suspicion pretty quick. I have a good fake smile and can even laugh at jokes. Sometimes I get immersed in that act and feel normal for a bit but when I come home...I'm a shell. I zombie away in front of games and web comics. I live out entire scenarios where I'm not the way I am and actually do things. 

All this to say its really hard to get the initial concept of depression being an all encompassing despair out of my head. The fact that time spent with my friends sometimes brings out a genuine smile to my face, the fact that I can still go to work, and the fact that nobody really questioned my excuses makes me question "do I actually have depression?" "Maybe its just in my head" "maybe I don't need meds"

I'm very confused and am wondering if I really am depressed or do I live a depressing life.