It was almost a year ago. I failed bootcamp at Fort Benning, and didn't make it past 30th AG. It was my childhood dream to be a soldier, but this time around I did it to run away from my problems and I wasn't so gung ho anymore. I chickened out because I kept on having panic attacks and I didn't know how to handle them. I feel so confused, angry, and frustrated with myself. After I got back home, I got back into working out which was the number one thing that made me happy. I was getting back into shape, and my mental health was improving, until I fucked up with my form doing pushups, and sprained my wrists. I've just been too hard on myself, and I haven't been giving myself the opportunity to recover. Then I strained both of my hamstrings from running on the treadmill while my legs were sore. Then I stretched my neck back too much and I strained my front neck and lower jaw. Then I strained my abdominal muscles from drinking too much water while my stomach was full. I'd love to take ibuprofen or some shit but my heart hurts whenever I take it. I suspect it probably has something to do with the covid vaccine. I've been taking a lot of supplements like cbd, ashwagandha, and curcumin, but they've been making my mental health worse and it ultimately won't work until I give my body rest. If only it wasn't so hard for me to be easy on myself. I think I might have cervicular instability from straining my front neck and lower jaw, and not giving myself enough rest. I can't believe it. I'd used to never get injured, people were impressed by how good my form was. But then I fell out of line. I've been crying like a baby nonstop because my mental health is so bad, and the injuries are too overwhelming. Panic attacks are nonstop. I get the feeling that I'll be dead soon, and if not then life is just going to keep getting worse from here. Right now I'm living with my dad, but we're not going to be in the apartment for much longer. I am currently unemployed, and with my physical injuries and mental health problems I don't know what I'm going to do. But hey, I guess I fucked up and brought it upon myself.