This feeling isn't new. It since from childhood. I feel that I do not even exist though physically I am. From child hood I didn't have any friends. My parents especially my mother was abusive from child hood. My father have a short temper and starts raging and breaking things. 


I was diagnosed with mdd and OCD. Despite repeatedly failing in life, I stood up and carried on. I didn't perform well in college and was jobless for three years before getting a job. I couldn't keep it due to health issues(asthma, fatty liver) and lost my job. I worked in the field of academic writing where you would solve papers on another student's behalf. There was no stability, the upper management fired employees on a whim. I had to give final exams on behalf of other students who didn't have a damn clue about subject. The universities were foreign universities of UK, US so naturally standard was very high. Also I was just an undergraduate but as writers we had to take tasks that we couldn't do to meet montly target. Failure involved heavy Reparimandation and salary deduction. I still  carried out in the hope that at least I was earning a living wage and contributed to family by providing 1/3 of my salary. Still I couldn't meet their expectations. My father was mostly disappointed with me calling insulting me for smallest of mistakes. 


Even though I tried to keep the job but was laid off as I couldn't meet my montly target. Since I lost my job my parents changed completely. My father and mother completely ignore me. My mother would only call me when food was served. She would not even talk to me. Whenever I try to speak, fights would break out and my father would destroy things in anger. The last time we had an argument he threw a tea cup with hot tea in it. 



I literally feel like I am in a prison. I cannot understand why people  especially my parents won't talk to me. It's like I do not even exist in my house. I have been sad and depressed but I fear talking with my parents as small general convesations  convert to heated arguments. I don't know what to do. It's like I just don't exist.