One thing I don't understand is why living beings want to continue, until I realized its an irrational urge, similar to the drive to redose when addicted to a drug. Life is tedious, even fun things require too much effort, and honestly I'm just waiting on my mom to die so I can at this point, because I dont want to hurt her feelings, which is yet another primal instinct that Is controlling us.  I say us but I cant prove anyone exists outside of my own brain.