I am such a horrible person, I always get angry easily then curse my family to die while in reality I cannot live without them, I'm such a hypocrite. I have no one but myself to blame, every moment I feel guilty but it feels like someone is living me. The angry version doesn't seem like me, that's not me but I also feel like that's who I am truly, it feels like I'm being possessed. I am very confused, as I live each day I cannot trust anything, I don't even know who I am truly, what kind of person am I? What is the true me? It fills me with such anxiety I cannot put in words. Am I even deserving of anything I receive? All these thoughts cloud me every moment of my life. I've done nothing but brought unhappiness to my parents and siblings, well they also brought me nothing but unhappiness but why are we like this? Aren't families supposed to make each other happy and support each other? Why is my family not like that? Where did we go wrong? Whose fault is it? Is it my father? Is it my mother? Is it my fault? Is it my siblings's fault? How did we all turn this way? Why can't we be happy? Why can't we be normal family? Why can't we stay in the same room without arguing with each other? Why are we like this? I don't understand. I've never understood and probably will never understand because we all think we are right in our own mind. We do not love each other, maybe we lack love but my parents say they love us. But if they love me why do they say horrible stuffs when they get angry? Why do they blame me? Why do they say I only cause them pain? Would it have been better if I did not exist? I cannot figure out these emotions, these feelings are too contradicting. It feels like my heart and head is going to explode from all these thoughts.