Life's testing me and yea pls help me I feel like I'm in a cloud 
Yesterday my bf told me his grandmother,in poland,suddenly became sick.She had to go to the hospital and she's in a very critical state.
As if that day wasn't hard enough as I was in a bad mood myself and couldn't help him,he just told me he's going to poland tomorrow at 10 am.
We met at a park nearby because he had to go to the barber.Tbh I thought I would make a post about my achievement today(met a friend,had a really good day after feeling like shit for a week and succesfully used a coping skill to calm myself down after feeling extremely bad about my body),but here I am.Soaking wet because he didn't want to listen to me when I told him that there will be a thunderstorm my mother warned me about before I got out to cycle to him(about 15-20 mins from home).I arrived and guess what?I see a lightning and hear the storm coming.So we sat down and he finished rolling the joint.Everything seemed good.And then I asked him how he's doing,complimented his new hairstyle and boom.There it was.My mood dropped immediately.I simply said nothing as I was kinda shocked.I haven't spent a day without him for over a year now.It was like someone threw me in a pond of sharks.A few minutes pass and it starts raining like crazy.
I feel so scared.I'm crying and crying and crying.It's not about his decision or anything.I didn't do ANYTHING bpd-like.I didn't blame him,I told him that it was simply the fear of not knowing what to do during that time and being alone.I can't be alone,I'm afraid of myself and what could potentially happen.And mostly..I'm scared of my feelings.I know how bad it was when he had to work and it.didn't.go.well. I try not to think about it because if I do I'll panic and I'm scared of that too.
Well..I wanted to leave as I didn't want to blame him or make him feel like he's at fault(I know he already feels bad about it and it's almost equally as hard for him to leave for a few days),but I came back.I know how shitty it is for him,but he said and did some things that really hurt my feelings.He projected his guilt and his concern about his decision onto me.He left me standing in the rain.Luckily a close friend of mine randomly noticed us and took care of me until he came back.She was really mad at him and I felt so guilty even though I didn't really do anything.Afterwards he even said it was his own fault  this time and it really wasn't me who made it worse.But it felt so wrong and idk.Well we talked a bit and made it to my house without getting struck by a lightning so yea.We didn't speak for like an hour now and just like..sit in my room.I don't know what to do right now and I need help to survive the next days my head hurts and I can't think so please excuse my bad grammar etc. I need someone to tell me step by step what to do right now and the next days because I literally won't be able to think of any kind of solution