Idk, I just wanted to make a post where other low-functioning, non-quiet BPDs could share experiences and commiserate.

My BPD symptoms are primarily externalizing in nature. If you clicked this title you may have an idea of what that looks like. Screaming, throwing things, verbal tirades, accusations, and insults directed towards others. When I am in crisis over XYZ, I tend to blame XYZ on someone else, whoever that might be. I do not “internalize” and spiral into shame and guilt and direct my anger inward. The exact opposite. I direct it outward. It seems in my perception that the majority of the posters here are “quiet” or “internalizing” BPDs. This is not my experience, so I wanted to share and see if there were others who are like me. Really most people are probably going to have a mix of internalizing and externalizing symptoms, and I do too, but on the continuum from “quiet” to “in your face” I’m pretty far to the “in your face” side. 

I am also low functioning which I guess makes sense given how my BPD presents. I am unemployed, limited education, no friends, limited family interaction, and so on. My BPD has caused very significant professional, educational, and just general life impairment. Far from the BPDs who have stable jobs, advanced degrees, a social life, etc. I just sort of…I don’t know, live day to day &amp; try to survive I guess. It’s kind of a train wreck fr. Every year or two SHTF in a major way and I just pick up the pieces and try to move on. 

The stories on a lot of mental illness subreddits are inspirational but not really relatable to me. It’s a lot of, “I too have a severe case of [XYZ] but it will get better for you, I have a great job, a graduate degree, loving friends, nice family, and things now are good.” These stories are positive and wonderful, but they don’t reflect my lived experience and I just wanted to reach out to this community &amp; see if there are others like me. 

To answer any questions I am in my late 30s, and yes I have been formally diagnosed with BPD among other things by a psychiatrist.