Just went on a long night walk because it all got too much, and I was finally able to sort my thoughts.

I have never done anything of substance, nor do I think I ever will. I'm so desperately lonely, I've never had even a girlfriend, I have very few friends and never see them anyway. I moved away from my family to get away and make something of myself, but all I've proven is I'm a failure. I started university with the intention of proving I'm not a quitter and can do something, and now i think I'm about to flunk the third year. I always told myself that if I failed uni (like I fail everything else) I'd kill myself. I work nights, speak to less than five people on an average day, and it just feels like I'm going through the motions. I can't do anything right and realise that I'll always be just one of those background people you pass on the street, those social rejects you glance upon once and never consider again. I don't want that, I want my life to matter, to have done something of value before I die, but mostly, in a real and sincere way, I just want to have a single day on planet earth where I actually feel good about myself, that's it. 

Wishful thinking I guess, but just wanted to get it off my chest.