I don't know what it is anymore. I don't trust therapists anymore since the last one I spoke to told my abuser everything I had said about them. So I don't know who I can talk to, I don't even know why I'm telling random people on the internet. 

I can't sleep anymore, or if I do wind up sleeping I sleep the entire day. I've found myself hoping I don't wake up. so not exactly wanting to kill myself, just "hoping" something happens so I don't have to deal with it anymore. I'm a full-time student and work full-time hours (despite signing on as part-time). I used to read or play video games to help me relax but now when I do I just feel guilty that I'm wasting my time, that I should be doing something to get ahead in school, or at least doing something more productive. so now I still try to read or draw but I can't stick with it because of that feeling. I can't eat as much as I used to. For example, if I feel like I'm starving and then smell food I feel like ill throw up, even if it's something I love to eat.

I can still laugh with friends but as soon as they leave I feel like they hate me. I feel so lost sometimes like I know where I want to be but as soon as I take a step to get there I fall flat on my face and I lose where I looking to get where I want. 

I haven't talked to anyone because I don't want to be the one who "brings the mood down" but I still want to talk to someone. 

I keep telling myself stupid little things to get to the next day, but I just don't know what to do anymore. 

What do I do?