I’ve finally taken the step I’ve been dreading for the past three years and made an appointment to get diagnosed and start treatment. I know that I should be feeling hopeful that I’ll get better and everything will be ok eventually, but instead this feels like a last ditch effort to fix myself. I’m so scared that if I feel that it’s not working I’m going to spiral and feel like there’s absolutely no hope. I know logically that recovery isn’t linear but I don’t trust the emotional side of me to not freak out. I just need someone to tell me that it’s going to be ok. I’ve ruined almost every relationship I had left and I’m terrified of telling the only person I still trust about how I feel incase I make him hate me too. I really don’t know how you guys do this, your ability to keep fighting is inspiring, but I’m just so tired. I need to hear that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel that I can reach if I work hard enough even if you have to lie to me.