So obviously y’all know the traits of BPD and to save some time I meet all 9. Sometimes 1 is not as bad as the other but they’re always present. The one that is the most prominent is real or imagined fear of abandonment. I’m always afraid people are going to leave me so I either push away or cling to them, both lead to people inevitably leaving.

It’s important for y’all to know a little bit of background info- I had a nice childhood. I wasn’t abused, abandoned, or neglected. We always had food on the table, I lived in a nice area which meant I went to a nice public school. My parents were able to provide the therapy I needed and when they couldn’t, my grandparents helped. And my family has always been very supportive of therapy- like my parents went to DBT parent group so they could learn the skills. 

Because I had a nice and relatively easy childhood (I say relatively bc I have been struggling with INTENSE emotions since I was 4) I often feel bad that I have such a strong fear of abandonment, or just that I feel so bad. I feel like bc of the way I grew up I have no right to feel these things- that people have it worse. I know that trauma can mean different things for different people, especially ppl with BPD. Like my mom was saying that if she could go back she wouldn’t have ever put me in timeout by myself she said “I can’t imagine how traumatic that was for someone who’s brain is wired the way yours is” like what the heck my parents are great- why can’t I just feel great?

My best friend was adopted, so she has fears of abandonment too, but I feel bad talking about my stuff bc I feel like she has a right to feel that way and I don’t. She and I were in wilderness therapy together so we talk a lot about therapy and our “demons” if you will. 

Idk, it may just be me. Will y’all let me know what you think? If you feel the same or if you feel offended that I feel these things?