Yes I know this is my sexual profile and I know this ain’t a sexy topic. 

I go back and think of all the times in the past when I thought of killing myself and didn’t do it…and the reason I didn’t want because I thought that the future would hold something for me. And now I’m there, I’m in the future that I was looking towards and I realize…there’s really no reason for me not to have just ended it years ago. My kids are really the only reason, I’ve gotten a little more time with them to make memories for them but…other than that the struggles I had then are the same struggles I have now. I pray and hope and work and put in effort…and it seems like the more I pray about it the worse it gets. The more positive I choose to be, the more negative responses I get. It’s just…it’s no point the struggle doesn’t get you anywhere. You don’t get rewarded for the hard work you put in, there’s no help or compensation for doing the right thing. Perseverance gets you nowhere. It’s pointless. There’s no reason to go on except for just to enjoy the day to day for a little while longer.