Hello,

I had a mental breakdown few years ago and from that moment I am quite anxious about things. In spite of that, I am able to work as a scientist, even though it brings me unpleasant anxiety moments. I used to play the piano at the conservatory or read books, but both things for some reason are unavailable to me now, as I feel heavy anxiety when I approach these things. Only thing I was able to do as a hobby so far is drawing. But recently, I fixed myself on an idea of learning Arabic, for no apparent reason except that I find it interesting and that I might enjoy it. I started learning by myself and it increased my anxiety levels a little bit by worries about my brain being able to process all the information thats coming at him. In order to diminish these feelings, I decided to get individual lectures, so that the learning is more structured and I dont flood myself. I arranged it and from that moment my anxiety spiked up, I am unable to sleep without a pill, constantly feeling, that I will be overwhelmed by many new information, that I am on brink of the insanity in the work alone, and instead of letting the brain chill by playing video games that I put more workload, which may prove excessive to the brain and lead to another mental breakdown. 

I dont want to succumb to the anxiety so that it wins and prevents me from living my life, but I am not sure, if this feeling is real and I am endangered by new activity, which I know I would enjoy if theres no anxiety attached or that its just a feeling, that I can work around somehow or ignore or expect it to go away with time. Any experiences or advices are highly appreciated!

Thank you