Hey everyone. I could really use any kind of support that I can get right now. 

A little back story. My grandmother on my father's side abandoned our entire family when I was just a baby. She said she didn't want anything to do with us and she even stopped talking to my father (her son). All for seemingly no reason. But she has been known to be selfish and somewhat heartless. Everything I've heard about her in my 22 years of life has been negative. 

I remember very clearly, when I was a teenager, I had done something or said something wrong, and my mom claimed that I was "just like 'my' grandmother." I'll never forget how heartbroken I felt. I cried for hours and self harmed that night. 

Fast forward to last year and I was diagnosed with BPD. Although my symptoms have been around since I was at least 10. Today, my parents told me that they just found out that my now late grandmother had BPD. 

I know it is commonly genetic and therefore makes sense. But the one person in my family who was not loved, who had always been built up as the villain in my mind, now seems like the comparison my parents have for me. 

I am just learning how to like myself, and I feel as if I just plummeted into a rabbit hole of self loathing and worthlessness. 

I don't know what to do. 