I fear the death of my loved ones, mainly my mom and dad.

I live with my mom, she's 65, have had an aneurysm 15 years ago but she still smokes. That makes me super scared.

My dad lives relatively close to me, but I don't see him enough. Ain't in touch with him the much as I would like to. But I don't know how to build that. 

I lost my grandma last year and just lost my dog this week.

Yesterday the whole 'separation anxiety' thing stroke me hard. I always have to wait till I'm super sleepy to actually sleep and try to take my mind of things (watching something, playing some game..) while that doesn't happen.

&amp;#x200B;

I'm tired of feeling this way.

I'm almost 30 now, I remember how I was in my early 20s and dudes! That was so much lighter....

T\_T

I KNOW the theory of things, the do's and the dont's... But I don't know how to "internalize" this knowledge.

That freaks me out. 

I'm not ready to lose more people. I don't want to. I'm tired of feeling depressed and anxious.