Since a few months ago I’ve had a horrible existential crisis and have been so depressed to the point it’s crippling.I suffer from horrid panic attacks about time going by, one day everything will be gone, my parents dying, how I’m trapped as this person in this body. Nothing makes me happy anymore. 

It’s truly horrific and I have no clue what to do. I’ve reached out to so many people over the last few months and they just say I’m over stressed and things will get better. That or I need therapy. 

I had a similar panic attack when I was 9 years old in the middle of the night. It was truly terrifying then and it’s like that night but every week. I have no clue what to do anymore about this. Im a religious and philosophical type but that has brought me little comfort. I’ve been present and living in the moment as much as I can but it makes me even more anxious. I’m so tired of this it’s like my autopilot in my brain shut off permanent. Did I really just sleepwalk my life from 9 years old to today? This stuff makes me so tired I am sleepy all the time.  

Even when I have a few happy moments I don’t feel depressed I feel existential which is like oh shit in this person in this body and I have these memories. I get by okay in school and work but I don’t do much else anymore cuz this stuff makes me go crazy. I’ve had some thoughts about ending my life but I keep going because too many people need me.