I've never posted before, but I need help. I'm sorry this might get long, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible. Some background first, I've been married for almost 12 years now. I've worked really hard to keep my issues I'm check and I think I've done pretty well. A few years ago I finally broke. After a literal decade of explaining how I feel about porn(I know it's stupid and unfair I just cant get past it I've really really tried) I found MORE he had been watching. I lost it. It was a full on episode and I'm really lucky to be here still. I asked WAY too many questions and now I know things I wish I didn't. The problem now is I cant stop thinking about it. I cant feel sexy in front of him. All I see is my horrible flaws. I know logically I'm not disgusting, but that's all I see. For the past week I cant seem to keep my emotions in check. I've been doing all the coping things I've learned over the years but it just isn't working. I feel myself losing control more and more each day instead of getting better. He's done so much to make it up to me. He's even put a parental lock thing on his phone without me asking. I dont have it on there anymore, I honestly trust he isn't watching anything, but other insecurities have popped up in its place. I'm sorry this is probably just rambling nonsense. I really just need some advice on how to keep myself from getting worse. I hate this so much and I just want to be happy. I'm just so tired of fighting myself all the time and I feel like I'm losing the fight right now. If anyone has some ideas of how I can reign myself in I would be eternally grateful. I cant even leave my house with him without the thoughts and paranoia. I need help.