my mom has always expected too much from me. as i child i always gave her whatever support i could give her and i have continued to stand by her thick and thin, she has put me through so much, I can't even begin to explain it. from a very young age and i know its messed up because i cannot even imagine asking anyone to do what she has asked of me, especially a child.

 without my support, she wouldn't have made it to where she is today. it's just the truth. i dont see myself as a hero or something, but i have to give myself some credit; to be able to say ive at least tried to do something good with my life.

i always believed in my mom, and i knew the way she's lived isn't what she wanted for herself. she has made progress.  in a lot of ways. and ive done whatever i could to help her do that. she's been through a divorce from my abusive father, alcoholism, mental health problems, financial problems, etc
i do really understand that she's been broken down by people like my father and that's why she's struggled so much. thats why ive always done everything i could to stand by her.

but ive always taken on her problems as my own, naturally, no questions asked. i now feel like im being taken for granted by the person who has messed me up the most. is that resentful?

things are still hard and my mom does not have everything together in her life. her car is unreliable and she hates her job, which she just started. she has no savings, but full equity in our condo. its not a lot but its something 
this is her first job since before i was born. shes only received one paycheck so far. we really don't have a lot of money. i make $16-22 dollars an hour (depending on commission) in retail. im 22. she makes less than i do at the moment.

she hates the situation we're in right now, but I'm doing everything i can and trying to just enjoy my life, while she's just so negative. it's like toxic vomit all over me everytime she speaks. i feel like, why can't she just suck it up for once? why can't she just do her best for me? for herself? she doesn't have any other choice anyway..??!

i know it sucks. shes 53. it's hard. ive done my best to empathize but she's soo.. rotten. its beyond my boundaries. if we get into a little argument, she threatens me that i should move out. after she finally left my dad, her and i moved to a new state/city to start fresh together. i spent all of my savings to help us buy the place we live in now, after she finally left my dad last year. it was so hard. i have done EVERYTHING possible for her and i to be happy together. is there something wrong with me to do that?!

she says that "i never do anything around here," and i just get mad. like, do i not pay the bills? do i not mop the floor? sorry if i might leave some things lying around, but really? what gives you the right to treat me like that? what are we arguing about really? i think she hates that she's not more in control, but she hasn't stepped up to do anything to put herself in a more empowered position. i had to create her resumee and send out job applications for her to help her get the job she finally has now. which is ok, but she relies on me a lot and freaks out constantly if im not 1000% receptive to helping her with whatever she (thinks) she needs. its a lot sometimes.

i could leave her and find a roommate, but i don't really want to. i feel like ive invested a lot into my mom... I don't know. its just unfair and difficult

i think it's just because she's having a hard time coping of course, so im trying to just not take it personally, but im really questioning how much longer i can keep this up. if i should. she does want to be a better person; to live a better life. but she takes me for granted!!! i don't know how to move forward. ive spent so much of my life focused on trying to rectify all of the things wrong in my life, but now im realizing that everything was always her problem that I've just naturally had to bear as well. 
i feel like im being held back, but i don't know how i wouldn't just be held back in other ways if i left. i would worry about her. i love her and she's the only family ive got, and i know I'm the same to her. i've just been trying to solve things for her so she could be there for me. she isn't there. no one is there. absolutely no one. and i dont know what to do. 

finances are what the hardest obstacle in our lives are, but im doing my best. i feel like im always focused on caring for her or decompressing/healing from what she's put me through(and that ive been through bc of my father) that I don't have a career figured out or anything. maybe that sounds like im making myself the victim, but i am trying to not be too hard on myself and give myself some credit honestly. this is just how things are. a lot of people dont have it figured out at my age and they haven't dealt with anything like this. ? :(

i just feel guilty to pursue things i like. because to take time to enjoy my life and explore is so self indulgent. and i don't know if i have that privilege. i guess not. its ok, i know a lot of people don't either.
i don't know. i hope im not going off on a weird tangent. i guess things will get better. but can anyone relate? what can i do? i really just wanna help my mom. i wanna be independent and successful. but its just...so unfair. im so alone. im not crying. im just frustrated. i feel like im running on empty. im not that tired, i just can't do anything more. what could i do? wtf?!

i am hoping to just wait it out a little while longer and see. but am i crazy? am i an asshole? i really do resent my mother, to be honest. i forgive her all the time, but i also can't believe the way she treats me and feels after everything. 😩 i can't believe this is the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.