I am freaking out. I woke up my room is a mess. I was too tired to clean it yesterday when it was clean Saturday. I didn’t cook my dinner for the week. I need to cook it today. My car is is mess it hard to go during the week by the time I get off of work car washes places are close. I can go on the weekend but I want to take out the car seat so they can clean it correctly. That means I would have to ask someone to watch my daughter. I didn’t manage my money well this pay check. I will have no extra left over. I am over weight from my normal. I got down back to my normal weight a year after my baby’s birth. Now two years I back up. I don’t like my living situation. I live with my father and his new wife and kids. The wife hates my father pervious kids. Aka me. She also dislikes my daughter. I am single mom can’t afford to go anywhere else. I feel like I been falling short at my job. I am madly in love with my child’s father but he doesn’t care me. Okay fine. I want to talk and event to him. I lean on him toooooo much. I understand that but I can help it. I feel so trap. I can’t provide for my daughter. I can’t get basic things done because I am so exhausted some times and other times it would be hard to do with my 2 year old. I am tired of driving from SB to Diamond Bar. I want to start potty training my child but my grandmother (who watches her) refuses. I can’t handle all of it. I want to hit pause. I want to cry. I am not strong of enough to handle this. Make me thing of other outlets that I shouldn’t do. I want to take a week vacation sometimes. I fantasize what it would be like to escape from it all. I know shouldn’t think like this but when can I cut a break and be happy? Will my life ever get manageable? Not even easy. 