[Just as a disclosure, I'm not currently sure if I have BPD, I've put off getting help for many years and now just waiting on things to be available for me to find out] Okay so recently my boyfriend has had to stop smoking weed because he gets a lot of anticipation anxiety (which I've experienced before but 2 years ago) which I think is brought on by just smoking a lot. I wanted to try and stop with him because I want to be supportive but I really struggle to not have any for a while. I don't smoke cigarettes and we've limited our drinking to just weekends, but sometimes I end up just having random medication to kind of get that itch of having to have something. 

Anyway the weed we have is ours and we are currently living at my house but I find myself constantly asking if I can have weed and when he says no it can turn our really badly for me as I get really overwhelmed with a lot of emotion and end up scratching my hands/arms/legs/sides until they bleed and more things such as banging my head, pulling my hair out or punching the wall (which today I nearly fractured it on purpose just because I just feel like I have to). This isn't just when he won't let me smoke however but sometimes I feel like he should just let me because I can't help it when I have one of those episodes I just completely lose control. The only thing I've found that the weed makes worse is the images in my head of the ways that I want to hurt myself, however, apart from that (even he admitted) just keeps me generally quite chill. I'm aware that this is an issue, but I've not got anyone else to talk to, I'm stuck in my house and I'm feeling lower everyday and sometimes after having a particularly bad day I just want a nice smoke and listen to some music and just chill out. 

I'm not saying that he lets me have these episodes but he got quite upset/angry at me because I beg him but he truly believes it's best for me to not smoke. I just hate that in my own house everything is kind of on his terms because he thinks his opinion is best and it's just my issues talking when I need a drink or a smoke. 

From this I just want to find out what this could be (I haven't spoken to anyone but him about possibly having bpd) and if what I'm doing or what he's doing is wrong. 

Thank you