I moved to California in March of 2020. I wound up enduring the beginning of the quarantine while navigating the feeling of being in a new place.  

After a year and a half I decided I didn’t like my living conditions enough to justify it, that I was waiting to enjoy opportunities that only exist without a mask mandate.  

Since moving back I’ve been sluggish. I timed it all too well with the impending winter gearing up, I feel my body getting colder, my joints. I miss sunshine and warmth, I didn’t realize how much that effected me.  

Despite my living conditions (including my disposition towards my roomies), the weather was the thing after all that was helping me be more of myself. I was active everyday, and while I was depressed, I felt I had options.  

I don’t know. Moving back was such an impulse decision I justified because of the sadness that was moving into a pandemic.  

I feel more numb than ever.