Does anyone else struggle with any of these things and what have you found has helped you over the years ?

I found out this week I have bpd and I have been talking to quite a few women off dating apps. I thought I would trial telling a few and see their responses and straight away the ones I told either blocked me with no warning or they said I think that this is where we should end this. I did expect this if I’m honest so now I have the dilemma of doing the right thing and risk losing potential future partners or just keep it quiet and don’t tell any of them. The reason why I think it’s the right thing to tell them is because the reason I found out about bpd was my ex having it and never telling me about it until she had decided to walk out of my life with no warning after cheating. So I’d decided to research bpd and the more I learnt about it the more I was thinking hang on this sounds a lot like me. I would have liked her to tell me at the start and then I’d have known why she acted in ways she did when we were together.

I get majorly triggered when I am talking to a woman on WhatsApp and then all of a sudden their picture turns to that white and grey head to indicate you’ve been blocked and I am filled with rage and try to find another form of contact like instagram or text that they haven’t blocked me on so I can just be as mean as possible. I’m getting to the point where I feel like do I just keep it quiet and manipulate situations to make women fall in love with me and by that stage if they found out they’d already have feelings too strong to want to leave or wait it out and find a rare one who wouldn’t be phased by my bpd.

Does anyone have any advice or input from similar situations and what did you do when it came to dating and either letting them or not letting them know about your bpd ?