I feel sick to death on the inside, board with the time, I’m tired of my life being one big fucking episode. Even in my heart I’m becoming depressed because I want to be greater. I can’t tell if I want to quit or if I’m angry for even thinking about that. Actually, I can…it’s the latter. I hate myself for being average, I hate myself for having pushed people away but I hate myself even more for not living in my truth and not being able to change it. I feel so trapped and every day I want to end my life. Yesterday was my birthday and it feels like it never happened probably because it doesn’t matter. I guess I just have to fantasize about jumping off of the roof today. Fuck, I hate that too. Why can’t I just do it