I tried medication, I found an AMAZING therapist who helped me a lot with anxiety, and I feel better than two years ago, but due to the rejection I suffered as a child from my mother who struggled to deal with maternity, my father who wasn't very present after the divorce, and the man I loved who has done things like lay naked in a hotel room with me and then refuse to be touched, or not being able to make sex with me due to lack of erection telling me I was the only one it had ever happened with, I'm not able to overcome my insecurity. I'm 42 now, not a baby, but I still think I'm ugly, unlovable, maybe clever but too unpleasant for a man to fall in love with me. Right now there is someone I like, but after I cried for some days I decided to give up without even trying as I already know he wouldn't never love me, as nobody has ever really accepted me, this is what I feel.  
I don't now what I can do to change it, I swear I have tried everything I could.