I am not asking for a diagnosis. It could be ADHD and/or depression but right now again I feel tired all day can't focus on things (this shit on leaves me a few weeko a year) and I am not even able to put in words how I feel but it's shit.

There's a guy I like but some circumstances make it very hard for me to meet him and when I find myself not idolizing him I realize how we don't fit together that well probably and he rarely texts back. He's cute and very nice for real. As I can't make the pain stop at this point I don't even mentally give a fuck if I have to distort myself for him a bit, honestly I again find no satisfaction in any idea other than in living for him. Well I'm also friends with my past FP maybe being there for him also.

But that's it these two guys I barely see or might not even see again and I rarely talk to these days are the reason I stay around and deal with shit. I am not able to think of anything else.