Life seems to just be getting worse the more it goes on. Bank account is -$500 thanks to bills, I can't seem to get any place to call me back for a second job that works with my babysitter's schedule, a pipe burst in my house and the floor is caving in now. My main source of income has all of us on a "break" until the spring semester of classes start back, which is just a way to not pay us for a month. Jobs and Family Services is constantly giving me the run around when I apply for help. My depression has been unmanageable, even with therapy and medication. Not to mention the anxiety weighing me down even more. It's so difficult to even get out of bed, if my kid wasn't there being all smiles and loving for me I would end it all right now. This isn't how I wanted to raise them, and this immense feeling of failure is pushing me closer to the edge.

It would be unfair to end it and leave my kid with family, and unfair to my family. But it's even worse knowing he'll end up seeing what a fuck up I am someday. It's like all my worst fears as a parent are coming to fruition and I'm grasping at anything just to stay afloat.