i know i have things i need to do, things that are impeotant, things that other people are countig on me on doing. but for some reason i just cant seem to take responsibility, like theres a mental wall blocking me from doing anything that will actually help me.  
  
 i always try to excuse it with like “well im killing myself this weekend so it wont matter” but i end up being too scared of ending it and it inadvertently just ends up looking like im too lazy to do anything and delaying my responsibiities. 
  
i know its my fault. i know im the one thing stopping myself from being happy.