Hi! 

I've been diagnosed with BPD about a year ago and since then I've tried a fair share of medicines to try and cope with it. To name a few, I've tried fluoxetine, bupropion, escitalopram, desvenlafaxine, olanzapine, Velija and topiramate, with varying levels of success. I'm currently on aripiprazole and venlafaxine, which so far is what has worked the best.

However, aripiprazole makes me feel like a zombie and not at all like myself, and olanzapine had the same effect. I feel as though I can't connect with my own thoughts and feelings, no matter how hard I try, and although my head is clear of intrusive thoughts and have had no intense mood swings ever since starting the treatment, it's making me feel awful. I used to be hyper and upbeat, and now I have a hard time getting excited about anything. My boyfriend confirms that I'm not acting the same and that I don't seem to express myself as much as I used to. I have a really hard time talking and venting, and that's all I used to do before starting the treatment. A friend who I hadn't hung out with in years says I look like I'm in slow motion compared to how I used to act. It's awful to feel like you're slipping away from yourself.

I've been thinking about trying Seroquel, but would like to hear from you guys first and know if I should expect the same zombie-like feeling I've been experiencing with other drugs. I appreciate any help or advice you're willing to lend me.

Is there any medicine at all which will help with intrusive thoughts and mood swings while still preserving what I feel is my actual, real identity?