Hello,

Background: I have some traits of BPD such as mood swings and perceived abandonment avoidance but I am not diagnosed. I was raised by a BPD mom and because of that I don't know how to have normal relationships but I have started going to therapy and I am working on boundaries. I suspect my bf may have BPD.

When my boyfriend and I normally get into fights I am left feeling empty so I have started to avoid engaging when I am emotional. Today I called my boyfriend but he did not answer. After seeing a triggering post on social media I became sad. My bf called me back 30 min later but I did not answer because I did not want to say something mean because I was emotional. He called again so I answered and explained that I ignored the call because I was sad and did not want to have an argument. This made him very angry and he told me I was creating problems instead of fixing them. He also said it was disrespectful and he does not allow people to disrespect him. I told him he is just perceiving abandonment, he said I was indeed abandoning him because that is what his bullies did when he was a kid. I explained that I was avoiding creating an argument but I understand how that could make him feel. sad. I remained calm throughout the whole event but my bf continued to be angry and accusative.  I told him I was going to stop talking to him until he stopped being mean to me.

Now I am having doubts about whether I did do something wrong. I really thought I was doing well but I'm not so sure anymore. Please let me know what you think.