*period talk trigger warning* 

So I have had uterine bleeding for 6 weeks. I was passing heavy blood clots in the last 2 weeks. I went to the doc last week, got everything rolling to get tests. I started taking a hormone to help the bleeding. After 3 days, the bleeding stopped. I was thrilled. I finally didn’t have to worry about it. It was gone. Then it started again, light. 

I put a tampon in last night and woke up after a few hours. I had bled through it and all over myself. Had to completely wash myself and change clothes and go to sleep. Woke up again, it happened again. Now I’m getting pissed. 

I’m losing sleep. I don’t have the time to be doing laundry every other day bc I’m bleeding all over myself. (Mind u this is what’s been going on since 6 weeks ago, so I’m really fucking fed up). I woke up in the morning and broke down bc of it. Had 3 panic attacks in 2 hours this morning. 

I went through my day mentally numb, very low energy from the Xanax. It’s now 8p and I used the restroom and passed several clots, bled through the pad I just put on 2 hours ago. 

Looking around my bathroom, my new rugs have blood spots. Blood on my toilet seat. Blood in my finger nails, on my hands, all my panties are now blood stained or discolored from getting the blood out.  I broke down crying again. 

I don’t exactly have people to talk to, especially about uterine bleeding. Nobody understands the gravity of the stress this is putting on me. Like they can’t even grasp it. I’m not a hypochondriac or anything I don’t worry about what’s wrong with me. I’m literally pissed because it’s controlling my fucking life. I work so hard to control my routine and lifestyle and this is just fucking it all up. 

I don’t feel comfortable going anywhere for fear I’ll bleed on myself. I literally bled through my pants in the doctor office. I’m just really fucking stressed and frustrated and annoyed and I literally have never ever hated myself more. I hate this body.