Unintentionally, I ruin a lot of things. I’m not very smart. I’m inconvenient, and an emotional hazard.

I have severe social anxiety, and chronic depression - and it bums everyone out around me. I try to keep it hidden and put on a face because that’s what I’ve been taught and I hate the thought of causing issues for other people. I try my best to be normal but I can only fake it for so long. I ruin relationships and friendships, social gatherings, jobs.. the more I type this out, I know it just sounds like I’m feeling sorry for myself. I don’t know how to change. I have flaws and I try to work on them, but nothing seems to get better. I currently take a strong antidepressant - but it crushes me that I have to depend on a pill that will alter my brain for the rest of my life (you know, for the better - but that itself is a depressing thought.) 

I just wanted to tell someone. Even if that someone is a black void in a corner of the internet. 

I’m currently sitting in the car at a concert because I couldn’t handle it. I feel pathetic and like I ruined everyone’s night because I needed to run away. I’m the worst.