Hi, guys... I just came here into this community 'cause I feel like I have nowhere else to go. 

I just need someone to hear my story, and maybe encourage me, 'cause it feels like I can barely take it anymore.

It's been close to 4 years since I decided to become a game developer, but I've done nothing but "fail" at it. 

I spent the last 3 years trying to develop a game that was far too ambitious for my own good, trying to make a new technology that I believe the world hasn't yet seen. But that attempt ended when I fell into an emotional pit from which I haven't truly recovered.

Having spent all that time, with nothing to really show for it... has been the bane of my existence. And a ghost that has been haunting me over the worst part of this 4th year.

When I reached that emotional abyss, I was so dejected with my own failure, my own inability to make a living out of my career, and finally move out from my parent's home, that I even considered the prospect of taking my own life. A mere thought I never believed in my entire life that I would ever entertain...

Afterwards, I managed to pick myself up from that, and joined gamedev team over Discord. This made me feel alive once again. It filled me with purpose and intent.

After having spent 3 years developing alone, I finally had people to rely on... 

And it was a swell time while the morale was high, and the people were active. But that has changed as of late.

We went from being a team of 10 people, to just a mere 4 individuals. 

The project we got together to make into reality was put on hold (by my own hand) because several team members were getting into financial trouble, including myself. So I galvanized the most commited part of the team into working on a shorter term project, one that we could hopefully finish within 2 months time (those 2 months haven't yet passed, but it feels like I'm carrying the team as the sole programmer, creative lead, and art director).

The event that pushed me over the edge is all this crunch I've been doing to meet this self-imposed deadline, and suddenly realizing that the prototype I have in my hands didn't feel fun...

I purposefully designed this game to be as simple to create on all fronts (art, sound, music), so as to allow the quickest release possible. But came to the realization that by doing so, I turned myself into the bottleneck for the project.

I'm rushing as hard as I can, while I have team members that are idle because I can't keep up with them.

So today, when I reached that realization that the current prototype wasn't fun, it hit me hard. The whole almost 4 years of struggle suddenly hit me all at once, and it feels like I'll never manage to publish a proper game...

I just want this suffering to end!
I just want to be done with this, with any project, and finally get to enjoy a single cent of revenue from all my work...

I just want it all to have been worth it...