I met the most caring, amazing guy last spring and we hit it off and had an amazing summer. He's been so supportive and truly had such a positive impact on my life and my mental health. 

But he was set to study abroad for a year starting last September. I trust him like nobody else, but he's in the states and I'm in scotland, so it's hard to find time to talk with the time difference and both of us being busy, and he won't be back until June. Recently I've been really struggling with this, and we had a conversation yesterday about how he's finding it really hard because he only ever seems to hear bad stories from my friends messaging him to say I'm in hospital for self harm, overdoses or have got really drunk on my own. All things I'm trying really hard to change. And I thought it was fine after we spoke things through yesterday, but all today I've just been thinking everything through and I just sent him this message:

"You're gonna hate me for saying this but I have to cause it's been eating away at me and MBT made me realise it today. I hate using BPD as an excuse but I can't just pretend it isn't a factor cause I see things in black and white and I know that makes me misinterpret things but it doesn't change the way it makes me feel. And I really care about you but at the moment it's just destroying my self esteem because barely talking to you makes me instantly jump to thinking you hate me, so I'm caught in a cycle of idolising you, then hating you, then hating myself because of it and I can't keep pretending it's ok. I need someone who can acknowledge me and help me or I need nobody at all. So it'll make me really sad but I need you to literally sever any ties otherwise I will keep obsessing and annoying you and getting stuck in the cycle and never be able to stop. I mean look how long I clung on to an abusive relationship, took me five years to get out of that and even then it wasn't me who ended it. So yeah I don't know how to finish this I'm sorry"

He'll still be asleep right now, I don't know if I've done the right thing or if I'm seeing things wrong and self-sabotaging. I'm really upset so I don't know if I'm thinking straight and overreacting. If anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it