I’m pretty sure my fp is going to leave soon. The distance and lack of interest is obvious I’m just so hurt I haven’t let myself get this close emotionally to someone like ever. I can already feel myself spiraling I want to self destruct or mix together enough Xanax and vodka that I won’t be able to feel it anymore. I guess that’s kind of self destructing too. I think I’m going to block them so I don’t have to keep staring at their name and being reminded I’ve been left on open for 15+ hours. I get that life happens but my gut tells me she found someone else. How do I not fall into a giant hole or self pity creating 10 more problems for myself in the process. 

Ugh fml I want to die living with BPD is excruciating and unfair.