Y'all. I don't even know at this point. Obviously like so many people this year I'm alone for the holidays, can't go visit my parents, no significant other or people bubbled, I live alone and I'm bummed as hell. But on top of that somehow, for some ungodly reason I'm sad about missing holiday parties and events. 

Thing is, those parties and events make me spin in to wild swirls or anxiety over so many things. I hate them, seeing extended family, explaining than no I havent met anyone and and no I haven't done anything huge or impressive to them this year. Making small talk with people I barely know, hearing the same damn songs on repeat. Worrying about hanging around the snack tables too long, how much wine is too much, I need to cut off before I start being my weird self again. All that jazz.... and yet here I am... sitting... wishing for all the world to be discussing the origins of some high end cheese with my aunt's best friend's first cousin or something... 2020 is weird gang....