I simply can't. I've tried for so long. I've tried to apply for full time jobs for one year and I've only been humiliated, demoralized, left even more lost and confused around career indecision and paralysis, and now I simply can't apply for any more. You might not understand, but it's so bad it's like an instant repulsion to the act of looking at another bullshit stupid job application that asks for an entire soul's worth of experience and pays crap. And then the tedious grind of applications, the terrible monotony, pointlessness, and then being ghosted or left a "we have decided not to proceed..." automated email. 

I got baited into my current part time job but turns out it sucks because work is not guaranteed and I won't even have any shifts until the end of this month. So I need to look for another part time job before I can even try to get a full time job. And it's all so tiring for someone with depression and anxiety. I can't. I can't. I can't.