For the past year I've had unbearable somatic anxiety, It started with simple heart palpations, heartrate going above 150bpm, breathlessness, vertigo and fatigue.

Thought I had fucked up my heart from years of smoking and big consumption of energy drinks and alcohol.

From there I started feeling like I was going to faint, went to the doctor they checked my blood levels and took an EKG, nothing.

Everything was fine with my heart and my values, quit caffeine and drinking.

Everyday I've just felt like my movements dont feel right, my lungs dont feel right, my legs have feelings of going cold, I can feel my heart beat and I have to breathe manually and my thoughts just aren't there, It's just a blur.

Every moment I am alive I'm sure I'm going to die the next, even now I feel like when I walk or turn my head it just doesn't feel like it used to, that something is wrong, I'm afraid of getting blood clots and that I have cancer.

Every second I'm awake feels like I'm just existing and not living and every moment I'm trying to sleep feels like I won't wake up If I do.

I'm clueless to what I can do anymore, I had anxiety for all my life but it never took control of me like this, this past year doesn't even feel like I've been living it it just feels like I've been watching a movie and feeling it.

I haven't felt like myself at all and it's been breaking me.

I guess I just felt like venting.