I can't remember how long I was happy for. Maybe half a year? An entire year? Really happy, not mania. Then this fucking hypomanic/manic shit comes out of nowhere and fucks everything up.

I feel like shit now. It's really painful, just this awful, empty feeling. Nothing makes me happy anymore, so I can't pass the time, and I'm bored out of my mind. I'm tired but I can't sleep, and I'm tired all the time. I'm on so many medications, I've tried so many combinations, yet I get delusions and these weird haunted presence feelings that never go away, where dead people harass me and tell me how bad I am at so many things. Then there are numerous other problems.

I hate retail, I can't handle the noise and the social interaction overwhelms me. Though my job is good, it's exhausting, and I want to leave. I want to quit and rot away in my bedroom forever. I'm so tired of fighting an illness that just doesn't give up. I don't feel like spending another entire year and going through all the trouble of changing my medications *again,* for the hundredth time. Was about to get my certification at work too, and now I'm gonna quit that job and let my family support me cause I'm a lame pos.