Ready to drop my ldr "boyfriend". I'm so over waiting for him. 

We dated and lived together 3 years. I broke up with him because our relationship was toxic because of my bpd and I needed to get my head on straight. He moved to another state and I stayed behind, slowly getting better with medication and therapy. He visits in November and sees the dramatic change in me and states talking about our future together because we had talked about getting engaged shortly before everything went to hell.

Long story short: im over the wait. He was supposed to come see me in february and i had an episode readjusting to a new dosage and he called it off. Now he wants me to move to the same city as him (note: not move in together) and hes making me spiral more and more with it. I asked him why doesnt he just ask me out again (labels) if he wants to be with me as much as he does and he said he just wanted time. (Fair enough I did emotionally abuse him often)

I asked him to stop talking about our "possible future" when we had a  conversation today (without splitting proud of myself) about him moving to another state and at this point he just keeps finding new points.

I understand he needs time but I didnt cry at all today over this. I felt exasperated and tired. I dont know if itll change tomorrow but i told him finally to shut the fuck up and go play dnd when he asked if we were still doing valentines together because people were asking him to make plans with them.why would you even ask that??? Im still not stable bur this entire day it felt like I was over it. I just wanted to move on. And i cant tell if its just fucking apathy or if i really feel this way.i just want him to take his time to heal but this whole "haha i love you I want nothing more than to be with you jk Idk what I want" amd it feels unhealthy.

I have so much to say and not the enrgy to say it but tldr: guy who i dated for nearly 4 years and broke up with keeps emotionally triggering me and I dont think I can take anymore despite how much I love him because its not healthy.