You know what’s something really bad about this? Thinking that your feelings are reality and it’s one extreme or the other. For instance, my boyfriend broke up with me cause there was too much tension and I was putting too much pressure on him, so that means he hates me cause if he loved me he’d be with me. You know what I mean? Either they love you or hate you. 

We didn’t go to the park and he didn’t even read my last text until this morning, so that means he hates me. It makes it all so draining since it has to be one or the other. 

I’ve been waking up with anxiety and stress, feeling pressure on my chest because I think people don’t like me and judge me for being a crazy girlfriend to him when actually people have no idea what happens between us. The sadness of him not being with me is too much that it feels debilitating while I also feel awful for being a bad girlfriend and person to him. 

I wish I had a way to explain this and have people believe me when I say it instead of thinking I’m dramatic and exaggerating. I wish he’d understand that when I got clingy it was real fear and not manipulation and that I really am sweet and caring and loving but my negative emotions can get really intense and I want to control it but I don’t know how. Sometimes i also wonder if that would even make a difference. Maybe he’d understand but decide it still is something he doesn’t want to deal with in a girlfriend no matter how great I can be in other areas. So then it feels like my negative traits are defining who I am instead of seeing the whole picture. Maybe I think that way cause I generalize, but it does feel like a reality. 