Art used to be my entire world. I put all of myself in it. People loved it.

Now I'm shit. I hate what I make. I hate making art. I hate sitting down and placing every line. It used to be liberating now it's torture.

I don't have the dedication, motivation, interest or patience to make anything. I certainly don't have enough faith in myself like I used to.

It was my life's dream to be a freelance artist. I've had a booth at comic con. I'm attending again in a month. Already paid for it and everything 

But I HATE it. I hate the people who put me on a pedestal on social media. I hate the creeps. I hate the way art has turned into a business thing. Nfts and shit. I hate fandom spaces because THEY hate me for being gay, fat, trans. Everything. All of it. I cannot fucking stand it.

I'm bitter. I hate it so much. I wish I could carve out a space for myself and people like me. I have the vision. I used to have the drive. But these days I do not have the fucking motivation.

This world punishes people like me for existing. All that pain and trauma is catching up to me. I just graduated in spring. This summer I was supposed to fully dive into art and do what I always wanted. Instead I've never felt so miserable in my entire life. 

Nobody has my back. The only people who take any interest in me are creeps on the internet who sexualise me. Everyone else could not care less. I'm alone. I'm exhausted. I'm scared of people. I'm depressed.