

Good evening ladies, gentlemen and non-binary comrades of r/BPD, I find myself prostrate before you seeking the knowledge and wisdom of your collective experience. I’ve been struggling with this one for a while and I think I need some help that it may be cast from my mind and haunt the halls of my consciousness no longer. It requires some backstory which I’ll provide in the most neutral way possible below.

I had this friend, not lifelong or anything, let’s call them R. 

We worked together a while ago in a dead end job where we were fairly close in a “I only see you for 2 shifts a week and we make each other laugh kinda way” and when we both moved on from it we lost touch and reconnected a few years ago. At the time we became friends again, R was a few months into a relationship with someone who I’ll call B, and over the course of a year or so, B became very bad for my friend’s mental health and wellbeing - I won’t say too much because it’s not my place but from the conversations I had with her he was very narcissistic and gaslit her on multiple occasions when he had behaved shamefully and I often found R coming to me seeking comfort and reassurance (which i provided, because if you aint helping the people who need it, you aint nobody). 

After about the year mark, R found out B had been cheating (or trying to) and decided to end the relationship. Following this, R and I met up for drinks, we both had a good night and ended it by drunkenly confessing something of a lust for each other but (both then and the next day) assuring each other our friendship and worth to each other as people was worth more than the possible repercussions of drunken lust. Soon after, R tells me they have met someone new and they’re excited, but this person has a problem with the closeness of R’s relationship with me and to avoid any discomfort we should begin moderating the way we speak to each other (While our conversations had never ever been sexual or romantic in nature, I agreed, cause it didn’t seem fair for me to disagree?) and within the next 3 months, is engaged to them and has ghosted me entirely **but has not blocked me.**

Can anyone explain this phenomenon to me? I’ve been in several places with several people where the only logical thing I can do is block your stupid fucking face because if I see it one more time I’m going to commit righteous violence upon an INANIMATE FUCKING OBJECT (ha, *In Bruges*) and the *only people* who make me feel that way are people who I never, ever, ever want to speak to again. So I need some input, if any of you would be kind enough to provide it, into my weird little sitch - Have I been treated like dogshit? Was I just a friend during her hard times to provide levity and fun she wasn’t getting elsewhere and am now surplus to requirement? Did I do something that was inappropriate or out of line, should I try to ensure I don’t do it again? 

I **know** the healthy thing is to forget it and move on, I do know that but it just sits heavily on me months later why I don’t have my friend anymore. I thought I was doing the right thing by not pursuing a sexual encounter, I thought I was doing the right thing by agreeing to her boundaries and yet, here I sit, stony hearted, feeling like I came to shit and only farted.

Good ladies, gentlemen and non-binary comrades of r/BPD, thank you and goodnight.