Hello, i've only been recently diagnosed but one thing that made me fairly certain prior to diagnosis is the 'favorite person' component. I always thought I was just obsessive and had minor abandonment issues... but when I read about that and splitting, I knew. I always become obsessed with whoever I am romantically interested in- I stalk their social media constantly, i am my absolute best person to them, they become my entire world. I would give them everything. I'm euphoric when they speak to me and give me reassurance. But the second i sense any sort of disconnect..them not replying for a bit, any sort of reply that rubs me incorrectly..i shut off, drift apart, and hope they notice so they can reassure me and bring me back
Anyways, long story short, i am in a constant battle with my BPD, heart, and brain. I care so much for this person- we aren't in a relationship (long distance, i met him over summer break off college) but he assures me that we will get into a relationship down the line but that he can only give so much of himself right now. However he will go days without talking to me...I feel like an empty pit, i can barely get out of bed.. he also isn't well mentally, he's very open about his depression and anxiety and he even told me he has BPD (which is the reason why I looked it up, resonated with it, and got diagnosed) but I am too afraid to tell him because he always says how one of his favorite attributes about me is that i am rational (hah....ahaha) i have told him hints like the fact that I need a lot of reassurance, and he promised he would but it just seems as if he gave up...i am hopeless, I just want his attention..i have split to the point that i lashed out and basically said we should end this but of course, when he called me and apologized, i was all over it. It's just so hard and i feel like i am being led on a string...how do I get past this because i know i dont deserve it..