A little background: I have MS, I have a son diagnosed with autism and I am on my way to an autism diagnosis myself. Historically and currently battling depression and anxiety, along with chronic pain that comes with these, made much worse with MS. I have always felt like a burden to my family and friends my entire life. I feel like even though I have a big empathetic heart and personality, I am a person who has a lot of needs and I hate that I am inevitably that way. I am high maintenance and not by choice.

I think this makes me even more depressed. And because of that, it makes it hard for people to be around me. I think it makes it hard for people to consider the commitment it takes to love me. My boyfriend tells me he loves me every day. He shows me. But yet I still feel like I make him miserable. And my family. And my friends. No matter how much I show them I care, my own needs are too great. I can never be there for them in the ways they may need.

How does a person talk themselves out of this? How does a person convince themselves that they’re not making other people miserable when all they have is difficulty and physical/emotional baggage? I don’t want to be this way. I really don’t. I just can’t seem to find any value in my existence besides making sure my kids are cared for, and with my MS I can’t do that alone. How do you find worth when you feel yourself shrinking and shriveling away every day? And how can anyone find a person like me to be a valuable addition to their lives without ultimately acknowledging that the challenges I bring aren’t worth putting up with?

Would love to talk to anyone who can relate to this feeling.