Honestly over the past few years I've realized that im myself when I'm isolated and closed off from the outside world, but as soon as I step outside I lose all identity.

For example, I'll be thinking over the errands I'll need to do outside of my house but as soon as im outside its like my brain completely resets and is being taken over, which leads to me staying home and anxiety arising.

Now about the being alone part, I don't have any friends and its not that I don't want them its that I can't have them, because I end up losing myself in them or behaving erratically without remembering or explaining myself, and in conclusion people just suddenly drift away.

Its come hard to get to know people or talking about my past because its all just bad and with minimal good things, I just dont want anyone to suffer because of me, because even if I explain myself as best as I can they'll still be confused and walk away.

Anyone can relate please leave you're thoughts, thanks !

