My therapist thinks my mother was abusive to me.  Actually both parents but I'm struggling with the aspect of my mother in this.

Bit of background on them, dad used to spend evenings shouting at me about school.  It was continual and insanely pressured, anything short of top marks meant I would end up not earning enough to live. To me this is clear verbal abuse and emotional abuse.  It certainly wasnt the worst abuse ever but definitely not nice.

My mother during these episodes was sat a few rooms away ignoring it.  To me that's the unprotective parent, she didnt ever once come and tell my dad the way he was behaving wasn't acceptable.

The issue with my mother is...well..she's just tactless.  When she learns things, new information about people she just says the first thing in her head and it can be hurtful but it's not intentional, you know?  My mother was the one who told me I was being silly, overdramatic, "pull yourself together".  My mother was the one who never wanted the family embarrassed, never wanted the world to see our problems.

I have a deep and abiding fear of  being a nuisance to Doctors because in my head there is the voice of my mother convincing me I'm being melodramatic and there is actually nothing wrong with me.

This matters to me as I do better when I can analyse and categorise my history and this is like a sore tooth that I can't deal with. I can't figure out if my therapist is right or if actually my mother was just a good person trying to parent me as well as she could.

So I'd like opinions.  Was my mother abusive, neglectful or just