I just turned 23 and extremely immature. I think I'm emotionally stunted from watching my mother die of an OD naked at 16, abuse, and specific traumas and drug use at 15. 

I'm talking don't know how to cook, haven't worked in 2 years and don't do my laundry immature. 

I have severe PTSD, agoraphobia, 4 other anxiety disorders including OCD, depression and substance use disorder and I can't seem to do anything right.

I tried to kill myself by jumping off a boat last month. 

I wanted everything to stop, and I realized that I can't do that again. What it did to my girlfriend, is something no one should ever experience. 

I have to move forward, but I can't. I feel like I'm stuck perpetually as a teenager. I go to therapy and take meds but everytime I go to therapy they just ask me how my week is or how my relationship is going. I don't want to talk about my week of laying around the house or a 19 year old girl. 

I want to go back to my 15 year old self, before everything happened, and stay there forever. I could take on the world. 

What was done to me in this life wasn't right. Sexual, physical, emotional abuse, death of my entire family by 22 except for my two abusers, bullying, social ostracization, hard drugs including Xanax and Ambien being pushed on me at the age of 15 by a doctor - it has destroyed me. I am constantly paralyzed by fear. 

I'm a shell of a man. It feels like... It feels like I was petrified in stone, and I don't have a Gold Needle. 

I'm going to be a 30 year old manchild. I know it.