I thought my mom would be supportive...I mean, I am not well right now. I'm ok, functioning, raising my kids, but I am going through a separation and it's a struggle emotionally to pretend to be ok all the time for my kids and not fall apart, you know? On top of the separation I am learning so much about myself from this sub and feeling a bit overwhelmed or "triggered." Anyways, I need therapy to sort through everything and be the best version of me. 

I asked my mom to watch my kids so I could start counselling (I've been on a waiting list for months) and she told me she was unable to. I don't ask her very often and when I do she normally agrees so it struck me odd but I found alternative care. When it came up in conversation that I found alternative care she was disappointed. She said, "Oh, you're still going to that?" 

During a different conversation I brought up that maybe she could go to therapy too, much like a marriage we could both work on bettering ourselves and she responded very aggressively. She said she will "find someone who agrees with her in order to protect herself." I asked for clarification and she said she needed to protect her best interests. I asked if she could elaborate and she yelled, "for my best interests!" She was angry and I feel like she was scared? 

I was trying to put it gently to her, using verbiage like, "this is coming from my heart" but in this sub I am going to be blunt. She's not mentally well. She came from an extremely abusive and violent home and my dad is a bad person too. I don't want to label or diagnose, but I am certain she has a few of them (diagnosis's). I have an extremely hard time communicating with her, and I hate to say it, but if it weren't for my kids I wouldn't try anymore. I have enough on my plate without taking on hers. Cold, but true. I need to get better so that I can raise my kids the best I can. Currently I'm floating, but I don't want to float, I want to thrive. 

I guess I'm looking for insight? Or other stories? I thought she'd be way more supportive. I'm hurt? I know she's stewing in anger and the next time we speak she will be short with me and it will be awkward. She's always on a tight string. I want to focus on myself, and yet somehow she's the centre of my worries at the moment. 
