Hi all, 

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So I'm BPD and found out about 2 months ago after staying at a MH facility. Before the facility I had a psychotic break at the hospital, and my Mom was there. I was having suicidal ideation and was hysterically crying, I was also restrained. I was really appreciative that my Mom was there until about a week ago when she asked if I was ready to see "the tapes". Without my knowledge, my Mom recorded my breakdown. She says she did it to show "how bad I had gotten". This already upset me, but then I heard from other family members she was showing it to people within my family. I guess they wanted to all see how bad I was so they could be a "united front" if I relapse again and fall into severe emotional disregulation.

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I've had about a week to sit with this, because I know my emotions can change so quickly within hours even, but I am still really upset. I asked her if she had shown anyone and she said no one, and after arguing with her I found she had shown it to family members and her therapist to see "his opinion". I feel like my privacy has been violated, it wasn't her place to record me at my most vulnerable, and I obviously did not give consent. I didn't agree to her showing that sensitive moment with others, especially her therapist. 

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I've talked to some of my friends about it, and most have been really validating, but one said I need to realize that because technology is so accessible and this is the world we live in, I should be careful about how I act if I don't want it to be recorded. I said that I can't control how I'm acting during a mental breakdown and I'd never expect my mom to violate my privacy in such a way. Then he said I should learn from my mistakes and move on. "It exists so maybe use it as motivation not to have a mental breakdown again".  

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Is this my mistake?  Should I feel violated that my Mom took this video of me? I'm starting to doubt myself and wonder if this is just my disregulation making this into such a big deal, or if my anger/sadness is justified or valid. Should I accept this as my fault for having a break down and should I have been thinking of the possibility of being recorded?? Idk. Please let me know your thoughts