Ready for stupid and long story that shows how fucked up the system really is? 

&amp;#x200B;

So, for 14 months I have been doing psychiatric and therapy services at, lets say, "K". My first 2 psychiatrists, by the way, were terrible. My current/former one, DrF, is fantastic and she really listened to me.

A few months ago, my therapist FC recommended I do an IOP. So DrF made the referral when I brought it up so it goes by faster than having FC make it. DrF also makes the DBT group referral the same day, with the wait list being approximately TWO MONTHS long for me to start.

IOP starts 1 month later.

So I do IOP with AW. She is really good, and she recommended this program for BPD that K contracts out with LL. AW makes the initial referal and I try to go into it - and everything starts going to hell (not that I knew it yet).

I finish IOP after 1 month, I do a transitional, less-intensive IOP which is just stage 2. I start DBT at the same day as transitional IOP (magic, I know).

Then I talk to DrF again at a new appointment and suddenly she says she received a message that day she isn't supposed to see me anymore because I have been transferred to the county (NOT AT MY REQUEST, but at a "contractual obligiation that K has"). She said she kept the appointment for me anyway because she knew just having no notification or advice is wrong.

I file a complaint with K's member services. My case manager says my therapy and DBt won't be affected and that only psychiatry is. Two weeks later, yesterday - I get 2 calls, fiirst saying my individual therapy is cancelled, and then another 10 minutes later saying DBT is cancelled (AFTER I WAS IN THE PROGRAM FOR A MONTH AFTER BEING ON THE WAITLIST FOR 2 MONTHS)

Why was I sent to county? Because of the severity of my symptoms - but they have been the SAME FOR 14 MONTHS. Why now? Because of trying to get into that program AW recommended that THE COUNTY DOESNT EVEN KNOW ABOUT OR CONTRACT WITH.

There is no continuing care right now after suddenly losing all my behavioral health services.

My case will be reviewed by a panel of chief psychiatrists tomorrow to see if the mandated transference to county is "valid" or not. I also filed a complaint this morning with the county department of behavioral health for making me lose ALL of my services, having no continuing care, AND having LESS services than K provides to begin with.

The system is completely fucked up. All because AW said to do this program that she worked in that K contracts with, and it made me lose EVERYTHING.

Even if I can go back to services at K and get my psychiatrist and therapist back, my place in DBT is absolutely fucked. 3 months down the drain. It might take up to SEVEN MORE MONTHS to get back to where I was in DBT.

I really, really, really, am tempted to just go take that bus ride and jump off the Golden Gate Bridge and die. Because this completely ruined me yesterday. I cried for the first time in a very long and I almost broke my no self-harming over a year and I unfortunately yelled at my cat and scared her (I did not do anything physical, just yelling)

Fuck the system. Fuck being alive.