Hating myself

Idk why but I hate myself because of my fkin anxiety,my lack of communication skills, no meaningfull relationship with anyone, always trying to stay away from socializing, me not wanted by anyone, no one to text or call. I simply HATE it. Deep down my heart I wish to be a social butterfly, be open with everyone atleast the ones I'm close with. But .. but..I can't. Feels like I'll have a boring life with no friends or family . Feels like my life isnt worth it. And I have to die as soon as possible coz there isn't any meaning in living without me enjoying my life