I have worked really hard on myself and my interpersonal relationships and been through a lot of therapy. I feel like I've made a lot of progress in who I am and how I react to things. I recently started dating another woman with BPD and it was great at first, then we stopped, then it was great again and now she wants nothing to do with me. She's younger, she's exactly who I used to be. Even though I've made so much progress, watching other people self-sabotage has given me pause to look at my own life. It makes me feel that because of my BPD I will never be able to stay in a long term healthy relationship. 

The only relationship I could stand for more than a few months was one where we were constantly breaking up and getting back together. Now here I am totally crazy for somebody who keeps pulling me in and pushing me away. I hate her and I love her. I want to never see her again and never let her go. I have tried so hard and put so much effort into my mental health I am just the same person that I've always been, just a bit muted. I'm exactly the same as the person I was dating, I just internalize my fear instead of pushing people away. 

It's really hard to me to keep friends around too. Either people are my friends or they hate me. I can tell by a person's body language if they want me around, I can tell by how often they invite me out. I get angry when I'm not included and I have to sit and rationally tell myself that it's not because the other people hate me and don't want to be my friend they just want to spend time with other people. 

Is there anybody else out there who has BPD or knows somebody with BPD who was able to get past it and have a *healthy* relationship?