I’ve been diagnosed BPD for a little over 10 years. I thought I had a pretty good grip on things, but have recently come to realise that I have just numbed my emotions so much that rather than coping I was just merely existing. A few things have changed recently and while a revival of emotions, love, care, excitement is great, it is coming with huge waves of bpd reactions that I am sure we all know (too well). I am finding myself spiralling a lot with really short (a few hours to a day) of intense bouts of anxious lows. I find myself just trying to stay still because if I don’t I know I will end up hurting myself or getting angry (which will have the same result). I try and tell myself it’s an illness and it’s not me, but I just found myself googling how to make suicide look like an accident and need to accept that I am really struggling at the moment after thinking I’d fought this for the last few years. 

Any suggestions on what helps in these few hours when it’s at its peak?