I've thought this over a thousand times whether to post this or not but here I go.

Backstory: Along with my struggles with BPD, I also have to put up with a toxic home environment due to my father while my mother remains silent to maintain "peace" (I love her and I understand her choice)

One of the things he'd done a few weeks ago was bodyshame me. Saying that I'm an embarrassment because of my weight. That he's gonna make my university professors talk me into losing weight because I don't listen to my parents. Saying that he's going to run away if I don't lose weight. Threatening me with an unknown action if I don't take drastic measures. He didn't give me a chance to explain that I have PCOS and I'm trying the best I can. 

I broke down and cried for hours and hours that time without hearing an apology. He said it was for my own good to hear it this way.

Currently I have started to exercise daily and whenever I do, it's the same incident replaying in my mind and I hear my thoughts trying to come up with replies to his shouting. I've struggled with invasive thoughts that are often stuck on loop but this one is taking a toll on me. It's so exhausting to crank up the volume of the music I listen to while exercising, only to feel the flashbacks to hit back even more. 

I've never this out loud and I don't know whether this makes any sense.