I had a sobbing, screaming meltdown at my therapist yesterday. Every time I have a sobbing, screaming meltdown in front of someone, I feel deep shame and think I never dare see them again. I dropped out of high school after I cried in class. I stopped talking to friends for years (or never reconnected again) because I did THAT in front of them. Cry. But not just cry. Cry loudly. Yelling. Screaming. I feel completely out of control. 

&amp;#x200B;

I don't think my therapist likes me anymore. On my birthday she told me I was a strong person and an awesome human being. I'm not, as she is discovering. I'm proving to be a horrible mess of a human being. She knows I'm not the same person I was at the beginning. She knows I'm a mess. I never want to go back to her. I never want to leave my house again. I'm so embarrassed. I tried so hard to keep my shit together and it just didn't happen. 

&amp;#x200B;

She's there to help me but I swear to god I'm beyond help and everyone should back the fuck away before I explode. 