Hi all. I'm a pwBPD and I've been doing some reflections lately and thinking deeply about where some of my emotional responses come from. I realized that so many traced back to having a tumultuous childhood with parents who did not have a healthy and stable relationship with each other. The constant strife in their relationship was always affecting me and I think that has caused many of the issues I face with BPD.
Even with experiencing intense mood swings, I very rarely become angry. But having this realization just made me so, SO angry. I wish my parents could have worked through their issues in a healthy way. I am so wholly jealous of kids who got to have a calm and happy childhood and who can be open with their parents. I just feel like I want to scream because I could have turned out so much differently and not even be dealing with any of these awful symptoms now. I feel emotionally stunted and I almost would have preferred not to know why. 
In a way it feels healing to finally experience anger but on the other hand, it feels like an all-consuming emotion that's eating me up. Advice welcome if you have it, and it's been cathartic to write this all out.