 

hello, as you saw from the title that is a genuine fear of mine and I was hoping if I could get some advice to overcome those fears. I would just like to disclose that in the few romantic relationships I've been in I have never been cheated on but I do have several theory's on why I have developed this fear.

1. this happened when I was 16 and I was dating this girl for about 2-3 months. I met her through a friend of mine and we started going out about 2 days after we met and at the time I thought things were going well until one day I showed up at the spot we usually hung out at and she was ignoring me and not talking to me, when I left and I was walking home she called me and dumped me for reasons that I didn't know until about 8 months later. after she dumped me I tried to maintain a good relationship with her because I still wanted to be friends with her. fast forward 8 months and she announces on a video call with me and my friend (who introduced me to her) the they were together, I remember being happy for them because I had moved on from her at that point but what really fucked with me is what happened a few days later when her and I were video chatting together and I jokingly asked "how long were you crushing on him (my friend)" and she said "three years" so I then asked "even when we were dating?" and she says "\*gigges\* the only reason I dated you was to get closer to him" when she said that I felt like I was going to cry and I even cut myself that night because of how distraught I felt when she said that. but shortly after my friend dumped her for his own reasons and both of us haven't spoken to her since.
2. the majority of the girls that I have had sex with only did it with me just to get closer to my friend (the same one from before).

anyways I think the reasons that I have listed may have just added more fuel to the fire to an already present phobia that I have had for as long as i can remember and I have noticed it only getting worse as the years go on, for example: if i ever go on a website like R34 and i stumble across a comic where a man is getting cucked I genuinely feel like crying (and sometimes I do) and i start having nightmares about me being in a relationship and my girlfriend cheating on me because i'm not a good enough boyfriend.

anyways thank you for reading this and I would apricate any advice for conquering this shitty fear of mine - Jord