TLDR: my ex and I decided to have a hook-up relationship when I got back to town after break but then today she told me that shes been talking to someone new and wants to start a relationship with them.

So in September I met this girl and we hit it off immediately. We hung out all the time (in typical BPD fashion I opened up quickly) and just had an amazing 2 months. I started working in a job that I thought I wanted to pursue but it wasn’t for me and I had a breakdown because of my fear of failure/the future and she broke up with me because she said “she doesn’t see herself with someone with such strong emotions”. I fell apart for a few days because I was heartbroken and was excited I finally found a girlfriend who I actually enjoyed being around all the time. I decided to head home in early November to decided my new career path, but we still remained talking over text. 

At this point I was able to put my emotional feelings aside for my physical needs and we decided to just have a friends with benefits style friendship and I was completely fine with that. We talked over facetime, sent nudes and had a great month talking in November. However in December, she started getting more distant and I noticed this. On Christmas morning I asked her what was up and she said that we needed to talk, so I call her today and she tells me that she has been talking to guys on Hinge and found someone she really wants to pursue so we are done with the whole FWB thing. This hit me like a ton of bricks, since I didn’t think she would have a need to talk to new guys since we talked pretty consistently. I fought the urge to use/self harm but I am having major depressive issues and I am in so much pain because I feel so worthless. I know its not my fault completely, but it is just so depressing knowing I need to be alone again. That I have nothing exciting waiting for me when I get back from break. I am in so much fucking pain. Idk what the question I have is, but I just wanted to vent, if any clarification is needed i will provide.