So, I am about a week away from being a certified teacher. My last and current mentor teacher (bless him) is aware of the fact that I have BPD and has done nothing but support me every step of the way, with full kindness, openness, and an attempt to understand. I consider myself very lucky to have had the chance to work alongside and learn from him this close to finishing the clusterfuck that has been teacher’s college. 

Recently, however, we had a very candid conversation where he was showering me with praise and telling me how successful and brilliant he knows I’ll be in this profession. He handed me a glowing letter of recommendation, writing that any future employers should count themselves lucky to have me. And... it just felt like he was describing someone else. Someone who I don’t know and haven’t even met. Someone who I’ve always wanted to be as a teacher, but never thought I could be. I’ve debated constantly whether or not I belong in this space whatsoever, considered it all a mistake and something I should quit before I’ve even really started. And he’s telling me this is what I already am? 

I just wish for once that I could honestly and genuinely believe that maybe I am doing great so far? Maybe the people around me are telling the truth? My heart wants to but my brain is just telling me that, no, BPD and teaching don’t mix.