Hey all, I do not suffer myself from BPD, so I hope I'm welcome asking this question here. 

My boyfriend suffers from BPD, and I feel I've been very supportive of his needs while expressing my need for him to meet my own even when it's difficult for him. For the most part, I feel like this has really strengthened our relationship. He tells me that he feels like he can be open and honest with me. If it wasn't for the snapchat issue, I would be completely ecstatic about the state of our relationship. 

At my boyfriend's work (which until last week, was my place of work as well) a new female manager was recently transferred. She's quite pretty, but smokes and was a former coke addict. My bf does not like smokers, and he told me he's also turned off by her former coke habit and accused her of doing drugs while pregnant. He told me that after I'd heard her say that he surprised her one day at work by picking her up from behind, and I told him that made me uncomfortable. 

A few nights ago, my bf got drunk and texted me "let's have a baby." It probably wasn't a good time to have a deep meaningful conversation, but I asked him if he was serious, if he wanted more kids (he was a teen father and had previously said he wasn't sure; I got an IUD at the start of our relationship to prevent any surprises but have told him I probably want kids in the future). He waffled around my questions before saying that he did. 

Also around this time (maybe a day or two prior) we lost our "heart" on snapchat signifying we're each other's best snap friend. It bothered me and i told him that it did even though it made me feel silly for worrying about it, and he told me he appreciated it, that it showed him that I care. We briefly got it back before it disappeared again. 

The next morning when I was in his car, I saw that the manager snapchatted him and asked him if he minded me looking at it - he said he didn't. The snap text read something to the effect of

&gt; I'll give you as many babies as you want 😂😂😂

On top of that, she was the one who was his new "gold heart" on snapchat. He replied with a "huh?" And when I confronted him later, claimed he didn't remember sending her anything about making babies. I let him know how much it bothered me, told him I wanted him to stop talking to her, and told him that he needed to tell her he was dating me. He claimed that night that he'd done that. 

However, I'm certain that he's lying about it and has continued to snapchat her. We snapchat fairly regularly, and we still have not yet regained the stupid little heart. 

This whole thing confuses me though because even while he's been snapping her the past two days since our conversation, we've been discussing the logistics of moving in together, and last night he told me he loved me for the first time. The thing that gets me is that before this happened, I was ready to tell him I loved him, but this is making me close myself off to feeling vulnerable. 

My plan has been to ask for his phone, and send what I'd asked him to say himself before removing her, then having another conversation about the issue. I might not get a chance to do so until Saturday or Sunday though because of our conflicting work schedules. 

However, I'm just really confused about how he's handling this. I do trust that he's in love with me and that he wants to be with me. I also know for a fact that he finds smokers and smoking unattractive... so what is it about this manager? Is it just a thrill of having someone want him? 

I guess I'm just asking for perspective from others with BPD. Thank you!