Perks of Being a Wallflower is one of my favorite books/movies and I’m starting to understand more and more what Charlie meant with “I am both happy and sad at the same time, and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.”

I want to vanish from this world, but I also want to live life so badly. I want to cry and scream and break things and at the same time I want to laugh and dance and sing. It feels overwhelming and I don’t know how to handle this. I feel like I’m ready to explode any second now and that feeling also brings back the thoughts of habits from the past (self harm) to regulate myself.

I wish I could talk to someone, but I know I wouldn’t be able to get any words out. I don’t even necessarily want a solution, I just want to get rid of feeling this way. God I hate this so much.