i'm sure some of you have read the posts i've posted here before, how my FP wanted to leave me because i was getting "too much" for her but she then decided to stay because i told her i need her, but she's not willing to return to her old self, and i can't talk to her

and when i text her, she will not reply me on time and sometimes she won't reply if "it gets too much" like when i'm having a panic attack or when i'm splitting or when i just wanted to ask her questions to clarify the "terms and conditions" she has for this friendship

and then i figured that i can't live with this, so i wanted to actually let her go. but i'm not ready, and i know it. 

and then.... i have a spare phone (and spare number) which i recently saved as her name and photo and use the number to text myself. just simple texts like "you'll be okay." or like "you'll be fine, you can make it through." when i really really needed her validation.... but she doesn't want to reply me

is it weird?

also, then i would get a shock thinking that it was actually her texting me those messages when it really wasn't lol