my boyfriend is my fp &amp; i don’t know what i would do without him. he is the smartest person i know, so empathetic, so talented, we have so much in common, he makes me feel safe, he teaches me something new everyday, &amp; he can always make me laugh. my self hatred &amp; belief that im not good enough for him makes me push him away. whenever he tries to compliment me, i deny it. i constantly shit on myself, ask why he’s dating me, or start fights just to see his reaction and to prove that im not worth it. 

but if he ever left, i’d go mad. i’d also lose a huge part of my personality that i built from him. i don’t know how to stop the self doubting but i genuinely don’t understand why he would ever want to be with me.