I know Im in the wrong and I hate myself for doing this. I never thought this was something I’d do and the regret kills me. My bf and I were together for almost a year, but the last couple of months of us dating were rocky and just shitty. He stopped caring and putting effort, constantly invalidating how I felt and even though I talked to him nothing changed. I didn’t know if I still wanted to be with him, I was conflicted and sad. I don’t know why I though seeking out a stranger and having sex with them would make me feel better but it didn’t. It was an impulsive decision and it didn’t feel real when it happened. It still doesn’t feel real when I think about it.
I told my bf the next day and he was obviously mad because I ruined our relationship but we still have love for each other and we are willing to work things out. It’s my first relationship and it’s hard balancing everything with my mental health. I made everything worse by cheating and hurting him. I regret it so much and I don’t know if we can work through this. I hate how much I hurt him and as much as I want to be with him, he deserves better than me.