But I love them..
I’ve (19fm) been lashing out at my bf (18m) over him and his friends. I split into two different people and it’s exhausting, why can’t I just be happy for him? Jealousy in rages me and I start to harm myself, I bang my head, I hit myself or anywhere around me. I start to say “im sorry” multiple times and hyperventilate. I don’t think my bf wants to be with me but he says he loves me and won’t leave me but I really think he will leave me. I wish I could be the girl he wants. 

I’ve had a rough childhood with my mom and dad leaving me on and off and not having family. Also neglected and child abuse in my childhood too. 

I can’t handle my emotions, their so intense. I can’t handle them at all. Their too intense like I have a superpower. 

I hate my coworkers but I love them. But if they act differently I start to hate them and I don’t know why.

When my therapist or my bf doesn’t respond back I panic and think that they hate me.

Please help. What should I do? I’m at work right now and I am having another episode.