I always have the feeling of emptiness in my chest, always feel like I'm just looking for short term solutions, most time nicotine, whenever I feel Guilty about something I've done I just cut myself 

I can't bring myself to even cry and let emotion out , Im scared to talk to people in my life about it , not because they wouldn't understand but because of the burden they'd carry by being aware of it

I'm losing dedication and passion to things live used to love, i feel completely alienated even tough people are nice to me, it's become a chore to try and sound positive, I can't even fantasize about ending it , I know my family care about me and I know what I could do to get things back together but I don't have the will power or motivation to do so


This isn't a post asking for help , I just need to vent about it.