This year has been truly awful and I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. I can’t remember the last time I was actually happy. I’m so afraid of being alone that I wasted months with an abusive partner who made my depression and bpd symptoms a million times worse. Then immediately after that I jumped in bed w someone I’ve known for six years, who simply doesn’t feel for me the way I do for him, even on a platonic level. Despite being careful, I got pregnant. I’m hormonal and sick, and I can’t even keep the baby, which is a whole other can of worms. The doctor said it would just be too risky with my health and I know it’s not a good idea anyway. I’ve just been drinking and sleeping too much for the last couple weeks. I feel like a piece of shit. I feel worthless. I hate that I can’t be alone, as if being without a romantic partner would be the worst thing possible. I have lost the majority of my twenties to chasing relationships, one after another, often with people who abuse or diminish me. I feel like I’m spiraling and I don’t know how to get better. I just need to know that it can get better. And how. 