I am not a good mother.  I try when I can.  Sometimes it doesn't feel like I get a say.  

I've known a lot of pain in 30 years, and I foresee a great deal more.  The only thing tying me to Earth at this point is my 5-year-old son.  I often wonder if he would be better off growing up without my influence.  People I've asked tell me, "you love him and you try," as if that's an answer.  

I don't think they understand that I'm not even the same person day-to-day, and that my love and efforts are often sporadic and disjointed.  Presumably, you have at least a rough understanding of what I mean.  

Do you think a child is better off growing up with a mother who has BPD, or to grow up without a mother?