First things first: PLEASE don't suggest therapy. Technically I'm in therapy, but due to COVID, their offices are closed, and I do not have a safe space to attend sessions at home. Trust, I'm planning to head back as soon as they reopen.

So, it started last year with elevators. I had a bad experience with using one at a CHKD (it moved too fast for my liking), and now I can't use ANY elevators without panicking.

However, starting a few months ago, I've found that just being in public gives me this sense of dread. My chest gets noticably tight (not to the point of pain, just a tightness that I *only* feel when out in public), I try to focus on breathing (doesn't work, I end up getting more anxious because I have a harder time breathing), and at times it peaks to where my heart actually starts picking up.

My home life is toxic, but I've been at that realization for two years now. The only time I get anxious at home is when I think my aunt is there (she's come by a few time to shred my confidence to... well, shreds, and whenever (I think) she's there, I kind of go into a fight or flight where I'm prepared to physically defend myself), or when my grandmother or mother start speaking to me.

Any advice? Focusing on breathing seems to make things worse. I used to be able to communicate with my family fine, go out in public (I still love going out of the house, even if it gives me that mild sense of dread), take elevators without all this. It's frustrating, because I'm at the point where I genuinely question if going somewhere is mentally necessary before I make the decision.