I've been working on a industry which has helped me a lot since I live only with my husband, but I wanted to study and the only way was changing me to the daily shift, I've asked and talked a lot to my superior but all they do is tell me lies since everybody knows that they don't change the hour shift no matter what. I was deeply frustrated after that, I cried everyday mostly and felt like I would never get to work with what I really enjoyed. I wasn't spending time anymore with my husband due to our work (he works in the morning) and he would be burned-out because he had to work, college and meet me after work to bring me home safely since we live in a very dangerous area, it was far from our home, late at night and we don't have a car. I felt guilty.
so an aunt of mine was opening a petstore and wanted me to be part of it since it has more to do with what I'm willing to study and work with in the future. at first she said that everything would be ready on September so I waited for months, when September came she said that she needed until next month so I waited.
But as time passed by I felt worse about it, so I started therapy and I would say things haven't got better, I would feel sick and get a medical certificate for a lot o reasons, but then I've done that a lot and now I feel too ashamed to come back to work. Most of the time I would really get sick, but others It was just an excuse to be home. I'm not proud of that...
Now my aunt said to me that she wanted me to start working on December. I freaked out. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel too ashamed to get back to work, every day I feel like dying and give up on everything, there's too much going on my head. But I still need to work and pay my bills. I even tried to sell my precious plants but that didn't worked out yet. I feel like I'm a disaster and a shame... Sometimes I think that I'm still only trying to keep going because of my husband's attempt to make me feel better. I didn't wanted him to know how much I want to end it all, I just don't know how...