I had a baby in October of 2021. Immediately, I began to suffer from horrible postpartum. I mean horrible. I think I may even have a bit of psychosis that developed shortly after, because still until today I hear voices. I don’t sleep longer than 1-2 hours a night, even though my seven month old sleeps through the night completely. My husband got fired from his job for taking off to be with me last year in November because he hadn’t been with the company long enough to get FMLA. He started there in August of 2021, so by the time I’d given birth he had only been there for about 3 months. Well, they brought him back in last week and gave him his job back but the problem is that I’m still suffering really really bad. I’ve started to self harm. I don’t sleep, I feel like I have no appetite and meals don’t even fulfill me anymore when I eat them. I don’t feel like showering, I don’t even want to be touched most days. I am a SAHM right now, and it’s not for lack of trying to find a job. I’m not sure what to do because I can really feel myself slipping into a state of mind where I could actually really kill myself. Like I’m not even afraid of doing it anymore. The voices in my head tell me how horrible of a mother I am, yet everyone around me praises me for how great I’m doing with him…I don’t see it because I don’t feel like I am. At all. I feel like he deserves so much better. There’s no way I’m giving my best to my child, and I think that thought alone causes serious problems for me. My husbands job told him that he can’t call out or leave early, even if it’s an emergency but told him that if he can get a letter from my doctor stating that I am being treated (which I am, medication seems to be making things worse) they’ll work with him with some type of medical leave. I am such a burden, it makes me wish my husband never met me or had a baby with me because he doesn’t deserve this. I have never in my life felt this way, never been this sad or beat myself up this bad. I can’t get through a day without self harming. I just don’t know what to do anymore. For instance, it’s 10:43 AM where I live and I haven’t slept in 24 hours and I’m home alone with my son. I feel so unsafe to be here by myself and I have no choice. I just wish everything would stop.