But what are the good things that I've learned or experienced as a pwBPD? 

The obvious first thought is my empathy and love for my fellow man is through. The. ROOF. I love nearly everyone to a fault even if I hate them. I don't ever want anyone to feel what I have felt or experienced what I have experienced.

It has opened up my once very closed mind. And while it may not be to the same degree I have had a taste of other people's pain. BPD to me feels like some sick emotional sampling plate.

I have fluctuated in my identity to the point where I have questioned my gender and my sexuality. Where I don't know who I am and am often dismissed or treated poorly for something I was born to be. And so I fought for gay rights not because I was gay but because for someone to know who they ARE is a beautiful thing.

After I was raped it felt as if I had felt the pain of every woman and man. And even though I've met so many victims and survivors since then I still cry for them every time and I enacted a policy where anyone can ask for my number so that they can call or text me at any time of day or night. I'll be there.

I've always dissociated in various ways but never could put a label on it and once I learned the different types I found that what DID people said made sense when they say they can be "co-conscious" I'm not saying I understand or feel it to the same degree but it really put things into perspective.

And I've been angry. OOOH have I been angry. I almost tore someone's face off for lying about me in a sensitive and turbulent time in my life. And so when someone loses their temper, or they say something nasty, I wait. I wait to see what they say or feel when they're calm because the majority of the time, they take it back.

Maybe these things are just brought on solely by experience but I feel like in time my BPD could change to be a tool of understanding and connection. Would I have changed as drastically? Would my heart have softened as much as it has over the years if I didn't feel every single thing like a tidal wave?

Maybe, maybe not. But my BPD will always be with me, and if that's the case if I want people to be patient and understanding with me shouldn't I be patient and understanding of myself including my BPD?

BPD always made me feel outcasted. But through that I found a love of learning, and I surround myself more often than not with very artistic friends who are more willing to be direct with me (when I ask). Would I have made these same friends otherwise?

Thank you for reading this, sorry if its all over the place. I'm just trying to say in a long winded way that maybe BPD is both the beauty and the beast.