Throw away account

I’m laying next to my boyfriend in bed, he’s fast asleep and I’m having a bit of a break down.

It’s like at all times I’m walking on thin ice and I recognize it’s because my head is screwed and I can’t properly process normal human emotions without them becoming huge, so even a stray sad thought can break me down.

It’s just frustrating, no one really gets it, why I’m constantly so broken up even though I live a rather good life and have for a long time now, but my mental illnesses are constantly holding me down and I struggle with being able to stick to therapy due to a randomly changing schedule relatively often. My mom often thinks she understands, but often doesn’t get why I can’t just cope and move on with my life.

I know so unbelievably much about myself and yet don’t know how to fix myself, I really don’t understand why I can’t just be like everyone else and be happy, and I tend to feel like because I’m so privileged in my life I shouldn’t be sad as often as I am, like, nothing bad is happening to me so why can’t I just break my brain out of these bad feelings?? I really hate this.