I had a tumultuous ending to a six year relationship.

We started off well for the first few years, had a lot of fun, fell in love. We became really codependent, I can speak for my “side” of things and say most of my friends didn’t like my relationship and after confrontation I chose my partner over them. i lost all of my friends. I had ups and downs with my BPD, some manic stages where I can admit I was probably unbearable. I got help. 

My then-partner was an alcoholic, chronically unemployed, financially abused me, wouldn’t want to go out and do things, and refused to build a relationship with my family because of their own issues. I was gaslit often when I would have anxiety over our problems. All the while I was really patient and tried to be supportive considering I know what it’s like to go through a depressive stage. And I really did love the person I was with for who they were. 

Things came to a head a year ago when I moved into my own apartment and got a new job to do something for myself. I offered for them to move in with me in hopes they could start fresh and get out of their head. After two months they came to me and told me they cheated on me. 
I broke up with them and started pretty intensive therapy because I felt myself slipping. From December to two weeks ago we stayed close friends but they started a relationship with the girl they cheated on me with. All the while they were telling me they were still in love with me, they want to spend the rest of their lives with me, they were breaking up with their girlfriend. We slept together quite a few times. I graduated DBT and set boundaries, considering each time after we slept together they did not end their other relationship and I knew it was wrong. 

I couldn’t do it anymore and told their girlfriend. Not out of spite, but to break ties for good and let the girlfriend know woman to woman what was going on. In hindsight it probably wasn’t the best move but as of today i have never felt more free. I am not bound to their every whim and codependency. I no longer have to lie for them. I’ve never had more money and time to do the things that I care about. And in the long run I think the now-ex-girlfriend is better off although I feel bad for hurting her. 

Well, the smear campaign has begun. The ex confronted me a few nights ago via text that our relationship was this horrible thing and how I have made them be alone. My BPD is supposed to be the cause of how shitty the relationship was. Meanwhile I have never spoken a single bad word about my ex. Even when times were terrible. I forgave them for hurting me months ago. I’ve lost sleep over wondering why they can’t take accountability for their actions, like even if I was this terrible partner, people act a certain way in response to emotional abuse, right? 

Can anyone offer advice on how to deal with a smear campaign? I’ve decided to go NC. A small part of me wants to be confrontational but I know it won’t do any good. “Just forget about it” is easier said than done. I’ve been trying to move on with my life for months and want to continue growing. I have a good job, am finally back in school for the career I put on hold for this relationship, am volunteering, am rekindling and making new friendships. In a way I feel obligated to be as “normal” as possible, i don’t want to let anyone think that people with BPD are these horrible monsters. How do you cope with people spreading the narrative of BPD stigma?!

Thank you all in advance. Y’all are beautiful.