I just wanna fucking die man. I'm so bored of life, i dont see the point of it and I know you're thinking "just do it then If you want it that bad" but I can't, so im fucked. So the next best thing is I'm gonna just pack my shit and travel, do all the things that should make me happy, see the world, find myself and make a bucket list; maybe I'll find the answer. fuck knows its worth a try and then if that doesnt work then and only then can i end my life. Atm i'm locked in my head everyday thinking and thinking and when I'm not doing that I'm pretending that I'm happy and normal people can see right through it and on one hand I don't give a fuck and on another it crushes me. This life is sooo exhausting and I observe people around me experience life so effortlessly and I try mirror them but it's hard especially when you know its all a bollocks act, the only time I feel like everyone else is when I'm drunk.
I have no friends and nothing going for me and I feel like I have nothing to contribute in conversations because i know nothing about anything. i feel like a boring twat in comparison to people that have a social life, i swear I am losing my mind sometimes.
When these covid restrictions for travel settle down, i will begin my journey, if anyone wants to join, you're more than welcome.