When I go quiet and you ask me, are you okay? And I tilt my head and smile at you and mumble yes and we go about our day. This is what I want to say. No. No (insert name) I am not okay. No I haven’t been okay. Not since April last year. Nothings been okay since then. No. I don’t want to talk about it. You’ll get mad at me. Like you always do. You’ll blow me off, tell me I’m too sensitive, tell me it’s not all about me and to stop being that way, tell me to grow up, things change, you’ll go aww… you poor baby…. And all the other things you do to dismiss my emotions. Well here. You’ll never fucking see this. So here we go. I wish I could grow to hate you for how you’re treating me, I really do, you’re going through my messages now because you don’t trust me, you have someone watching me too. I don’t feel comfortable with it, I don’t know what I can say, what will set you off anymore. Yet I still love you. I still try to make it better. I don’t know why. But I do. And yet it’s still not enough you still don’t  care. You still don’t listen. I’ve asked you for your time and your attention and you don’t want to give it to me you get mad and call me clingy instead. And I want you to know how it feel I just wish you knew how it FUCKING FEELS. I can’t come to you anymore to tell you how I feel. Do you know how that feels? Especially when you get mad and threaten to leave me when I go to my family or friends with my feelings and emotions about us. You tell me to keep it between us, yet snap at me
When I do? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! You don’t kiss me anymore, you don’t hug me more then once a day, without me hugging you first. Our sex life has died… and you blame me for it all.  You nearly left me for it too. Two weeks ago, remember that, I was being sexually harassed by a friend and ignoring it because I am used to it. And your response was to leave. Who does that? I want you to love me again so badly, but I’m losing hope in you you say you want to stay but you don’t act like it. What do you want…because it doesn’t feel like you want me