Why do I beg so much every time he tries to leave me? He calls me disgusting and coercive for making him stay with me, for getting him to try with me, every time I have an episode and he decides I make him too unhappy. I can change I can be better. 
I sound abusive and insane but I can't lose him. I feel like I could vomit. I feel like my whole world is collapsing and I just don't know how to stop any of it. Why can't I just let him leave, he's not even happy with me. My heart hurts so much.