I’m not sure why. It kills me. I’m sitting here crying trying to figure out why. I truly don’t understand. My Dad left when I was just a baby. When I tried to reconnect with him when I was 16, all he wanted was money. My mom has rejected me my whole life. I thought it was completely normal for a mother to come home, only to go to her room and lock the door. I was an only child and a painfully shy, quiet kid. I didn’t cause any trouble. She lives 5 minutes away now and doesn’t care about me or her grandchildren. I’m currently married and my husband has told me I’m unlovable. I don’t remember the last time he said anything kind to me. I’m not a mean person. Even when people are unkind to me, I don’t have it in me to be unkind back. I do everything I can to make people happy. Even strangers. I don’t understand. Why am I unlovable? No matter how hard I try. Every time I love, or try, I’m rejected. Whether it’s my parents or marriage. I feel like I just can’t take it. I’m heartbroken. I just wish I could be loved, I couldn’t even imagine what that feels like. How incredibly special that feeling must be. But I sit here, crying, knowing that just will never be possible for me and it’s so very, very painful.