Hi, I'm new here....
Ever since my therapist mentioned BPD, it's made so much sense and makes me think I've been misdiagnosed with bipolar. 
I'm struggling a lot with my current relationship, depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. I feel confused in all of my relationships right now. I am easily convinced that one person is working against me, and so on. One day I hate someone, and the next day I need them so badly. My parents and friend do not like my bf, as they believe he is using me. I believe he may have some narcissistic traits. Our relationship of 3 years has been pretty chaotic, however breaking away feels impossible. My bf convinces me that everyone is trying to control me. I do believe I have some behavioral issues with my parents, and trauma from when I was young. I don't want to lose any of these people, though. I have an extremely difficult time being alone and feeling neglected/abandoned. I know I am codependent with my bf. I know he is abusive, but I panic at the thought of not being with him. He fills the void and has been there for me. I do care deeply for him. He is my best friend. Most of the time I am left feeling sad and empty, no matter what I do. Substance abuse is making my symptoms worse, but I can't get it under control. I desperately want to be sober. I am returning to therapy in 2 days. I feel somewhat relieved because I am at my wit's end these days...Everything seems to be falling apart and I'm so tired of it. Some days I really want to leave this earth. I'm scaring myself. I've never had a stable relationship with a guy, and I feel like I don't even know what love is. For some reason I go for the toxic men. I've been up for about 2 days, been crying and miserable because I had to tell my bf he can't come back to my parent's house. He has been struggling with finding a place to live. I feel so hopeless, like I will never be independent or stable. I'm in so much debt, have no car now, and have struggled to maintain a job over the past few years. I work part-time (barely) now, and even that is hard to manage. I basically make no money. I've been trying to look for assistance, but it seems to be really difficult to get. I'm sorry if this post is all over the place. I have no one to talk to right now...