Depressions back! Got no friends! Well it never left in the first place but.. you get the idea. Anyways, welcome back to my quarterly depression update, and man do we got a good one for you today. Our first point of emphasis has to be the unending emptiness that seems to be getting worse and worse. I've now resorted to accepting defeat and pretty much gave up any hope or attempt of ever getting better. I just cant try to get better when there's nothing I even genuinely want to get better for. I've lost almost all of my desires for things in life. I dont want a nice house, I don't want a nice car, I don't want a family, I don't want sex, I don't really want anything. I inherited a good amount of money from my amazing grandmother who recently passed away and I've barely touched it because I just don't want or need anything in life. How can I put in the work to overcome this giant mountain of mental health issues when I don't even really want what's on the other side? I don't think I can. Having no desires isn't all bad tho, because I can kind of just.. idk, be? I dont know how long I can just be, but for now it's alright. Moving on now to our second point of emphasis, my overall mood. My overall mood really isn't that bad, I'm usually enjoying myself somewhat decently but this only really works when I'm avoiding my terrible anxiety in my tiny little world I've sanctioned myself off in. When I get out in the real world, or any stressful situation really, I immediately just want to die haha it's so blunt how I say it but that's exactly how it is. I think I'm just done trying to fight with/deal with all of these issues so now I just avoid them or accept defeat. It's sad to admit it but that's just how I am now. I dont know how long ill continue to go on but i think it's near certain at this point that it just has to end sooner rather than later. I dont see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore, and I don't see a path that I could possibly lead there either. If you've made it this far, thank you for joining me for this quarterly depression update, it was my honor as host tonight to give you the best possible experience of describing my pain, and I hope I did my job well. I have to stop now because I'm slowly realizing the longer that I continue on, the longer I'm losing my mind and contemplating what I'm exactly doing with this lol, but again thanks, and please feel free to reach out for any reason at all because im lonely and could use the company or conversations! :)