Dear friends,

I'm sharing my story with you because I believe some may feel the same. Let's not be alone.

I'm 22 and today I realized that I don't have a "self". 

When I go to work, I am as professional as I can be as an individual. I dress nicely, talk formally and act responsibly. Quite energetic and full of myself, even social at times. A normal, hard working adult, one could say. Never had I any complaints about my work ethics, behavior or productivity output.

When I return home, it's like a switch turned off. I become a total child. I watch cartoons, wear snoopy shirts and feel insecure about everything; looks, brains and life situation. I don't have any friends to go out or chat with, I solely communicate with my parents via phone since we live in different islands. At home I'm really goofy and when I take my evening walk, I talk to myself and every animal on the way. People look at me like I'm crazy. No nice dress ups, no manners, just stupid moves that I know I make, but can't do otherwise. 

I believe that I do not have a personality whatsoever. My identity is adaptable to my surroundings, it doesn't have a standard. Although I do recognize the changes in my mannerism, changing it seems impossible. When I had relationships many were surprised by my "home behavior" and child like thinking. I'm actually very sad because I don't have anyone to talk about this. My parents see me as a working student without any mental problems. Is it in my imagination? Any type of suggestion of how to combat this is wholeheartedly welcome.

Have a nice day :)