I’ve had depression for now 14 years caused by a parents death. I didn’t let anyone in and bundled everything up for years. Now being in my 20s is getting too much for me. I’m getting really bad inside but still able to fake it so much that almost no one can tell. I don’t want to see anyone I hardly talk to anyone, I’ve been eating very unhealthy cuz I don’t have the energy to cook. I only take showers twice a week when I notice my hair looks greasy. I feel like I have no one even though people have told me they’re there. It just doesn’t feel like it. I’ve tried to reach out to people for help and what ends up happening is I lose them as a friend. So I’ve completely closed myself off completely in fear of losing more friends or family and it’s eating me alive. I feel like the only thing keeping my here is the thought of my remaining parent dealing with my death which I don’t want to put them through. I wish sometimes if someone or something can kill me for me so I don’t have to do it.