A part of feels that I am never gonna be satisfied with what I do no matter what. It's not like I gotta get up every morning everyday. I feel like taking a lot xans again like I did previously just to feel the "normal" depressed thing to do. Even if it means I live in a mhu for 28 days it will be a long break daily life / responsibilities and get a outta jail for free card. After the year I have and everything failing on me. I just want to do this one thing I have control over and I am hopeful I never have to sign on again cos I will be too sick to function let alone able to look for work. If I wasnt skint nothing would of stopped me by now. 

I am such a useless unwanted failure.