I'll start this off with the fact that I hate medication, hell if I have a headache, I won't even take an Advil - I just don't like anything of the sort and am very holistic with my approach to healing, but with my depression, it's not cutting it.  I know if I go out more and workout more I'll be way better but it's winter and I'm snowed in half the time or the cold makes me want to bundle in a blanket and forget the world. This is likely another excuse I'm fabricating..but I want to be happy and energized and THEN workout - I don't want to workout to FEEL happy and energized..

I've been in therapy 2 years and my therapist has suggested I think about medicating.  When he said those words I felt frozen because it terrifies me - the side effects, the chance it doesn't work, the chance I feel more numb to the world or the scariest of all, that I am now dependent on a medication to live an everyday life due to my fucked up dumb mind.

It's different to me to say, I need medication for this or that physical ailment as opposed to "I need this to be happy." and I don't even know how that works! It is baffling to me because I agree there are definitely medications to help with other mental ailments but depression? how?

I'm sorry for the rant here, this has been bottled up for me for so long, I feel trapped because I have a very good life, and a good therapist, and yet I still struggle immensely that I feel there is no hope..

I oversleep a lot, if I'm not working, I sleep, even when I am working, I struggle to concentrate and only want to sleep more because of how I feel.  I overeat, or I don't eat at all.  I skip showers/brushing my teeth at times because I just feel drained.  I am struggling with every day functions and have been for almost a year now.  I have had depression for nearly half my life (I'm 30) but I have never EVER been in this bad of shape..I never thought I would be either..

To those of you on medication, how do you feel it has helped you and what has been your experience - I want the good and the bad.

Thank you to anyone who has read this - I've never typed something that made me feel so embarrassingly low.