Dating is sooo hard for me and it always has been since I was a kid. I always find myself falling in love with someone without actually getting to know them, and fantasizing about them. I spend time being overly observant of their behaviors in order to "learn' them in hopes of us being together only to be met with the reality that, relationships just don't seem to work that way. As I've gotten older I move a bit different in terms of finding romance, yet it's still always unrequited. If I had a dollar for how many times I've heard "you're a really nice guy but.." "you're attractive but..." "You are so considerate but..."  I almost believe their is something about me that makes me utterly unlovable. My borderline traits manifest a bit differently than what I've read from others online. I am definitely impulsive, obsessive, fearful of abandonment, and I'm overtly empathetic and warm (not sure if that's bpd), but I don't just blow up or openly show uncomfortable emotions. But on the inside I have no true sense of self and my emotions are not stable whatsoever. I mask that in order to make others comfortable. Lately I can't help but have the feeling that, if I were in a relationship with someone similar to me, my life would be alot happier. When I'm "in love" I'll do whatever it takes to make my partner feel appreciated, important, heard, pleasured, and accomplished. This in turns betters the both of us. I think if I dated a person with bpd I could love them in such a healing way it would change her life and mine. Her behaviors wouldn't perturb me and I wouldn't criticize her. Leaving would never cross my mind. My life's mission would be to better us and strengthen our relationship. Or maybe this is just a new fantasy. Thanks so much for whoever took the time to read this. I hate to be an attention seeker but I feel pretty low right now and I can't talk to anyone about it. All my friends see me as stable and level headed, my family well they wouldn't understand. I appreciate any advice or kind words