Hello all, I am wondering if any of you (manic or otherwise) have struggled with bad sexual decision making, need for promiscuity, sex addiction, or wanting to sleep with the “wrong” people.

I slept with another friend of mine, this is the third one within the same group. It has had a much more negative impact on my life than I ever considered, given how short sighted my judgment is. Especially considering I’ve now lost my whole friend group besides maybe 1-2 of them that don’t hate me.

Sex is really separate from love for me and I believe that I use sex as a way to guarantee that my friends like me. I’ve been de facto in love with a guy for months now, we aren’t dating solely because of distance really, and yet I continue not being able to control these impulses in spite of how much I fear losing him. After speaking about it with my mother who shared similar experiences I’m wondering if it’s a bipolar issue, a borderline issue (which I also have), or just a personality trait my mom and I share? I was also specifically bullied from middle school through high school for being “a slut” despite being in monogamous relationships and not even having kissed a boy when it started, I’m wondering if there’s trauma there.

If any of you have advice (and not slut shaming or moral judgment comments please, I beat myself up enough about this) please comment or reach out, this is the worst I have screwed up my own life in a very long time and I really really want it to stop but I never ever learn from my mistakes and I already want to sleep with a different friend (which I think I only have the control to say no because he lives across the country from me). 

Im very aware of the toxicity of all this and I am wondering also if there’s some sort of support group (sex rehab?) that can help me control my impulses. Any help is welcome please