Fucking trailing prepositions or whatever, I've forgotten the rules of writing and I'm too tired of life to fucking teach myself to fix it.

So I've got one thing keeping me alive right now. This guy I met, he's got flaws, we all do, and I'm terrified he'll break my heart like the others before him because they all had this thing about scoring with other women instead of loyalty, which I have. Burned burned burned.

People keep noticing that I'm happy, even he noticed that I'm much happier than when we met. If he burns me or I lose him I'm in a very dangerous place. My world is about to collapse as I max out my credit cards to pay for food, as I am so maxed out at my living situation that I can't take it another day, as I am trapped because I can't even apply for a fucking job because I can't take it anymore. I can't take the fucking bullshit of trying my best and having people tell me it's not good enough and forcing me out. I don't know what to do. I have tried getting help and there is none.

I am not schizophrenic, I don't have a bipolar diagnosis, I am not disabled or low functioning so I can't get case management, which is what I'm told I need. Therapists consider helping me with my unemployment applications below their pay grade so they don't help me. And fucking talking about my emotions for the past eight months isn't getting me anywhere.

Therapy is fucking useless bullshit. I have helped people more than fucking LICENSED therapists with GRAD degrees. And I don't even have my life together. Is that not the world's biggest joke or what. That I need money to pay for a system that doesn't help, yet for free I am that good that I can help friends and others I talk to break free of their own limitations and fears.

Fuck. Where's the me that can help me?