I can’t deal with this heartbreak. She’s blocked me everywhere. I was codependent and she was my primary source of happiness, or rather distraction from all the shit I know I should’ve been dealing with. I know it wasn’t healthy and I know that she made the right choice by leaving me, but it hurts so fucking much.

I work for Doordash and I have hardly been working at all, just 2-3 hours a day. I just want to numb the pain with alcohol but it’s not helping because my tolerance is too high. 10 beers in and I don’t feel anything. I haven’t been sleeping either and I’m off my meds because I can’t afford them. 

Life fucking sucks right now and I just want it all to end. Like I really wanna die. I reached out to my druggie friend for some pills so that I could OD but he hasn’t replied and it sucks. 

I got into therapy but it feels useless. Me and my therapist don’t seem to connect at all, so I just don’t know what to do. Without the pills I can’t go out painlessly and I don’t want to die any other way. I don’t even know why I’m posting this. Nothing is going to help me.