I guess I'm no longer afraid to post anymore. I've been afraid to post for a few weeks because someone I was close to was a redditor, and I would always fear that they would find my posts and talk to me about it. But alas, I lost that person today due to my horrible symptoms. I told them not to contact me again because of how much they've hurt me. It's true, they did hurt me, but I always think- did they hurt me enough to end a relationship, or am I just feeling another symptom?

I feel like my medication isn't working. Maybe I'm just impatient. I've been on seroquel for about a month now, taking 50mg at night and 12.5mg in the morning and in the afternoon. So far, it's just been making me sleepy. I'm not sure if it has been helping me out otherwise. I want to talk to my doctor about it before stopping it.

I've lost quite a few important people in my life recently because I have gotten worse in the last few months. I've also lost my job. My best friend does not want to talk to me because they think I'm "boy crazy" and is mad that I haven't listened to them yet. I've lost another close friend because they couldn't handle my symptoms of being sad and being okay a few hours later. My mom thinks I'm making things up and won't talk to me. I just don't think they understood my diagnosis. 

I suppose I should explain the "boy crazy" bit. I've just been sleeping around with guys lately. It's something I've just wanted to do because, well, I feel lonely, and after everything is over, I just feel even more empty than before. 

Sometimes I just can't handle this anymore. I don't know what to do. I've gotten to the point where I'm not talking to anyone I know. I just want to get better. I hate reading things about how horrible we are, or how people run away after our diagnosis. 

I just don't know what else to do. I wish I had more support. I suppose that's why I've come here. I'm just looking for a few friendly people to hold my hand through this. 