To clarify i’m well aware that is most definitely possible to “heal” from bpd symptoms and no longer meet the criteria and that’s the outcome we should all strive for at least to make improvements on our lives and selves even if we are never 100% “better”. but

i’m talking about when you think you’ve made so much progress and then something just like sets off inside you and your like fuck man here we go again. and your thinking to yourself like:
“oooooh ok still do that.”
“oof yeah okay i still feel like that thought we worked through that but definitely not.”

and it’s a frustrating way to feel but for myself and for anyone who can relate to this i want you to know that this doesn’t mean your progress was for nothing. it was all worth it. it just means now you know where you still need to work through traumas and unlearn patterns. 

for me personally my biggest trigger for my borderline tendencies and always has been is romantic fucking relationships. when i have a boyfriend or i’m talking to someone around like month 6/7 i lose interest. i cant help it. still don’t want them to leave i feel like i’ll die without them bc i’m attached to them but i just lose it a little. i get bored and it’s so fucking hard for me not to be like fuck it roll the dice and fall into old self destructive tendencies. don’t get me wrong. not a saint. still definitely go on mini self destruct binges like 3-4 days maybe once a month sometimes twice but also sometimes not at all. but i allow myself these and pull back when im going too far because it’s truly therapeutic for me to allow myself to do these mini binges because if not i’ll fucking go off the rails shave my head and move to cambodia if i’m pushed far enough and long enough.


i’m feeling much fucking better than i have the last month. i was so depressed and unmotivated but i’m just curious if anyone can relate to this feeling. 

much love to all of u.