For ages, I've had only two people I talked to about emotional stuff: one of my friends and my boyfriend, both of who mean the world to me. However, my friend's going through his own stuff, and now my boyfriend admitted he can't handle my emotions, saying he apparently gave up trying to tell me months ago. The problem is, now when I feel bad I can't tell anyone. I don't have anyone else cause they either don't like me or they have their own mental health that's falling apart, and I don't know how to get it out anymore, especially with me not being able to have a full breakdown because I can't stand being alone but my boyfriend can't handle it anymore. Add to all the emotions I've got that I can't express the guilt I feel for telling people stuff, especially since a lot of people recently said that how I go about talking about my feelings and experiences are inappropriate and hurtful (like mentioning something when I think a similar topic was in a movie we're watching, etc), but the problem is since I don't have anyone to talk to anymore that's the only way I can try and get anything.

The problem is I hate myself to the point of wanting to punish myself for talking to other people cause they're never ok, but I can't keep it all in, and it gets out at times no one wants to hear it. I'm tired of constantly feeling like I can't do anything right and like everything I do is hurting people, that's a large reason I ended up suicidal years ago in the first place. It's also frustrating how everyone expects me to act normally, like when earlier today I got frustrated at my bf and he said my anger is a different type than his (I wonder why). I just want to give up and stop caring about other people, cause it feels like I can't do the right thing anyway, and I just want to be able to do something. I'm tired, I hate this, and I can't get out of this cycle. If anyone could suggest something, that would be great :)