
Hi, i'm a 24yo male, i currently live with my parents due to prohibitive housing prices in the area i work in.
I canot move to a different area, i don't want to discolse too many details as this post concerns my menatl health, but
i think it's necessary to point out a few details
My parents have always been abusive, when i was a kid both verbally/psychologically and phyisically. But as i became taller and bigger than my father,
it became strictly verbal/psychological. That obviously led me to develop a couple of problems, amongst which binge eating, introvertness,
generalized anxiety and panic attacks.
adly this type of family is not unusual where my parents come from (they're both bosnian immigrants here in Italy)
it's normal for parents to act this way there, because by their logic they raised you and the can end you, so the smallest
mistake may result in hefty repercussions. they have raised me well, but they are completely unable to fullfill the emotional needs of their children, but have no problem loving each other
and often resorted to rudimental punishments, be that physical percussions or verbal berating/guilt tripping
I've also been with my gf (f22) for the past 7 years. I did go to  atherapist, but she was transferred and i'm wautung to get a new one. have been waiting for a month
 
 
i think this breakdown started a month ago, when i had to get my car fixed after the trnasmission broke, that came out at 1400€, four days after getting the car back,
a piece of a tooth filling fell out, while at the dentist he found other teeth that required intervention, all of this came out at a total of 475€
i earn 1300€ per month in one of the most expensive italian cities, and with the cost of gas/groceries/life (i pay for everything i use except for utilities and my father now started demanding rent too)
so i am absolutely not doing well at this moment, both financially and mentally.
Three days ago my mother and i got in an argument over the friend's dog they were dog sitting being wet (10yr old dog shivering), my mother kept screaming and saying she was not wet while i could feel she was. It reached a point at which i said " the dog is fucking wet, just fucking touch her, are you blind?"
Which i admit was too much, but not unusual for that circus of a house.
She of course told my father about it, and he went on a mental killing spree over me, because i got mad that a 10 year old dog they were dogsitting was wet and shivering. he did so with all the usual phyisical treats. which he calls promises.
 
a couple of hours went by and i noticed i had no money on my account (im one week away from getting my paycheck and i had no food at home, to which i asked
mmy father if he could lend me some money to go grocery shopping, i got it and used 11€, but after coming back i was asked by him "why do i need topay for your food? don't you have a jpb of yours?" to which i replied "i do, but i thought i could ask my father for food for money given my situation"
that set him off, exremely so. He went on a rant about how he is under no obligation to give me food or shelter (which i understand, not in this situation though) and
kept berating me for not living on my own and for asking him for money, ending by saying i should get away from him unless i wanted him to call the cops in order to "stop him from assaulting me, ehcih will not end well" as he put it
At which point i went to my room since i have not even the enrgy to engage in verbal confrontation with him, but i did record all of it, i have a full recording of him berating and verbally abusing me + treathening me of such violence that would require police
intervention in order to stop him. He acted as if nothing had happened the next day.
 
This morning I was brushing my teeth, my electric toothbrush almost fell from my mouth, and in trying to stop it i pushed it towards my mouth, opening a gum and starting to bleed. The scare or the pain probably unlocked something, but i just fell to the ground and started sobbing
uncontrollably while spitting blood. I stayed there sobbing on the floor for probably half an hour, with my girlfriend trying to help me, she said i kept saying i just wanted to go to sleep (she stayed there for the weekend) I eventually got up and went to work, but i just feel as something snapped in my head.
I feel empty and as if i cannot comprehend what is going on around me at work, almost as if i was viewing everything from the outside, i don't know how to explain it. Needless to say i have not managed to get any work done today.
 
 
I don't know what to do. I just want to go away from my family, i don't want to know anything about them and don't care about them. I just hope that if my father decides to hit me, i have the strenght to walk away and not hit him back.
 
I hope there aren’t too many mistakes in this post, it’s hard to write about it. Also sorry for the formatting, i wrote this on my work pc and sent it to my phone to post.