i hold so much guilt. i can't get it out of my head even four years later that i fucked up my wife's life. everybody tells me that i shouldn't feel guilty because the car crash wasn't at all my fault, but i can't help it. i've just stopped telling people about it because i'll hear the same thing every time, that it's not my fault. but i should have remembered my appointment and i should have stopped for food like i thought to. i shouldn't have let her walk on that ankle early; i should have just skipped that convention altogether and took care of her. i was selfish for that. i can't forgive myself. now she's withering away in front of me. she's so depressed and anxious. her ankle is in horrible shape. she needs a fusion. she shouldn't need an ankle fusion at 22. she can't eat so she can't gain weight so she can't get the surgery and it just makes her feel worse. i can't help but wonder how things might be now if i stopped the crash from happening. i don't know what to do about anything