I’m proud of you. I am so bloody proud of you. 

My drug of choice is alcohol. I self medicated for about three years. I tried to kill myself a couple times and decided I didn’t want to ever be inpatient again, so I quit cold turkey and I’ve recently hit six months sober. 

It wasn’t easy to come out of the fog. I felt that drinking enhanced my BPD, and suddenly becoming sober made me feel like I was missing a huge chunk myself, which hurts in a way I think only those with a warped sense of self can fully understand. 

I’ve been unemployed since my last stint in hospital six months ago. It’s incredibly cliche, but hobbies are helping to get me through. I stopped doing things I enjoyed because of depression, and I’ve begun to ease myself into my old interests. Reading, drawing, listening to music. Simple things to keep me occupied and rediscover the “real me”. I recently started learning a new language, which I find is an effective distraction for when things get incredibly tough. If you’re feeling a little lost, I hope you can find the time and energy to do things you enjoy, or maybe pick up something new once things settle a little. 

If you’re actively trying to quit whatever is harming you, I’m pleased you’ve managed to take steps to better your mental health. Substance misuse issues are really tricky to navigate and overcome, but it’s possible, even if it’s not a permanent thing. I hope I can stay sober forever, but it’s not certain that I’ll manage to, and that’s okay. We’ve all just got to take everything a day at a time, and hope that our future selves are in a better place. 

I’ve been telling myself that the storm that was alcoholism has passed, leaving fertile grounds to grow beautiful new things. I’m hoping one of those beautiful things will be me. We’ll see. 