How can you understand what it feels like to feel completely worthless? To have no value beyond being a father and even then not a very good one..but that's the only thing keeping you in this world. How do explain to your loved one that it is not them and you don't know where this came from but you get dragged down even farther everytime you hear about what you haven't done because you cannot muster the will or energy to do the simplest of things. That writing these words make you break down like a little fucking baby. How can you understand? How can you understand that the coldness and lack of affection drives me deeper into this pit of despair, that the simple touches, kisses, hugs, and intimate time helped feel some worth and that the intimacy is not the most important thing but the only thing that seems to help numb the pain away. How do you explain this without sounding like a selfish jackass when you are just in feeling slighted for my lack of carrying my weight. How can you understand just how shitty I feel and feel even shittier for feeling this way in this first place when I should be estatic to have such a hard working spouse and great bunch of kids and everything else we could possibly need? How do you explain this without coming across as a lazy, self centered piece of shit? Who could or want to possibly understand?