*marked NSFW for abuse mention, suicide, eating disorder, and just overall mommy issues lmfao*

She always likes to paint me as the villain and her the victim all of the time. If I try to set boundaries or point out a lie / hypocrisy it’s me…It’s the constant gaslighting and abuse. To the point where I don’t even enjoy being at home when she’s here. I stay in my room all day when I don’t have work and then she just complains about it to my relatives. I go out and she complains. Everything I do is wrong. Nothing makes her happy.  

It’s just so frustrating. I, the CHILD, tried to be an adult and mend our relationship and admitted my shortcomings and apologized. And all I get from her is “I’m glad you finally see it” lol not an I’m sorry too or I’m wrong as well. 

It’s just so ANNOYING. I’m in therapy BECAUSE OF HER. Yet she still blames my bio parents (I’m adopted) even though I’ve had VERY minimal and limited contact. All of my “issues”, she has no idea why I have them. I had food and shelter!! How dare I require other things like compliments, praise, reassurance, communication, and emotional availability. How dare I not be content with being beat for everything, body shaming, and her emotional abuse and gaslighting.

I had to deal with what she didn’t deal with. Now I have a personality disorder and eating disorder. I had really bad social anxiety because she isolated me. I still barely have friends because I didn’t know how to form bonds with people or let them in. It’s embarrassing.  I keep everyone at a distance except my closest friends and bf. And most of my closest friends don’t even live near me. 

The only emotion I’ve seen from my mom was when I was in the psych ward for suicidal ideation and she was crying. I’m convinced she was only upset because she would look like a bad parent if I actually killed myself. 

Therapy can only help so much. I have grown so much but I’m still so resentful. She just continues to stay the same and she doesn’t see anything wrong with how she is. I just can’t wait to move out lol.