I’m not sure where exactly to post this, but I feel pretty safe in this sub. I honestly have no one to really vent to. Please go easy on me. 

We all know the holidays means having to spend time with family. Although I spent time with my SO’s awesome family, a really weird thing started happening the past two weeks. I thought a had a friend in someone, let’s call her S. She and I were close, and I was (as she told me) her only female friend. Likewise. So we went out together, we supported each other through tough times, like my suicidal thoughts and her cheating husband, and I really thought “wow maybe this really will be a friendship that lasts. 

Well, lol and behold, I was wrong. So very very wrong. I start noticing somethings off with her and the way she treats me an y service dog, ever since I decided against filing for disability. She exploded at me, finally, about 2 weeks ago. The gist of it was that she didn’t like my dog around (fine I guess not everyone likes certain breeds) and that I am a bitch for expecting people to put up with me because I decided not to file. So in her mind, because I decided not to file (with my awesome lawyer dad who adopted me guiding me through this) that I should magically stop being disabled, and magically stop needing help, and stop expecting people to be nice to me or put up with me or accommodate me or my dog. That really hurt, I thought she understood what my conditions are. We stopped talking after that.

Tonight for New Years we all meet up at my SO’s aunts house. S is the wife of his brother, so naturally she is there, along with her yappy little dog who is unbelievably badly behaved. It’s no secret, everyone in the family know about that poor little dog, and everyone in the family has tried convincing them to put in actual effort to train the dog. When I say badly behaved, I mean he will pee on the couch while you’re watching tv, and jump all over you, and bark nonstop. I know it’s not the dogs fault, it’s the owners fault. So here we are, my service dog and her uncontrollable dog. My dog, Dante, is well trained. He can patiently lay down while all the fireworks are going on, and he tries his hardest to focus while their dog is around, but really... who could resist a loud little dog trying to jump all over you while barking in your ear? So Dante can’t handle that, that’s too much, and I can’t expect him to be okay with that. But if I touch their dog, they yell at me. So I ask them to please leash their dog, since I leashed mine. Then hell broke loose. They yelled at me, insulted my worth basically, and let their dog keep roaming. 

So now I’m sitting outside by the lake while everyone else is inside having a good time. I’m alone out here with Dante, and it really hurts to start the new year this way. It really hurts that someone would deny reason and logic. “My dog is interfering with a service dog. I should control my dog”- that literally did not compute for S and her husband. It’s cold and it’s lonely and it’s dark and I feel ashamed for having my issues, needing a dog, and just being alive. I wish I could stop existing right now. 

Thanks for listening. I feel a little less alone now that I’m posting this. 