the past few weeks of my life have been absolutely shit. my life overcomplicated itself in a matter of days. i am insanely suicidal and my self esteem buried itself so deep. i don't want to talk to anyone about it. i would like to simply stop existing. i don't even make coffee anymore, i just heat water in the microwave and pour instant coffee and sugar. i don't look at myself in the mirror because it makes me feel sick to my literal stomach. i haven't washed my hair in so long, last time i styled it i did it to feel pretty for 3 hours and then i fucked it up again. nothing brings me joy anymore. i think my libido killed itself in the process because i can't seem to feel... idk, sexual? i don't have it in me anymore. i've been having this issue for the past months. i feel annoying, i feel too much, i feel unfit, i feel in ways i always did, to be fair, but now i'm realising more and more what an useless existence i happen to portray.