mentions of sh

hi guys so im a teenager male (?) and I've had severe depression/anxiety/ed/borderline/etcetc and all that and recently I've been having hella violent urges

historically I've always been kind of violent in the head for no reason I just have hella morbid tendencies but it's never been that bad. but recently I've been having violent urges against myself. I relapsed on sh but I've been having really crazy thoughts

like I have this persistent thought of just breaking my own jaw or smashing my head until it cracks and stuff along those lines and I really dunno what's going on lmao just going a little crazy

dunno if anyone else has these thoughts but ye brain is just going crazy rn. Im 99.9999% sure I won't do anything but I'm also very impulsive so lowkey scared I might just hurt myself out of nowhere

sorry if the post was off putting just needed to vent