Hi, long time lurker. Not diagnosed with BPD but if this isnt whats wrong with me then idk what, lol. I relate to almost everything if not every thing posted here usually and it helps me not feel so alone, so thanks. Also on mobile and this is long, sorry.  Anyways, somethings happened today thats made me want to post here and have some of you perhaps.. help me figure out if this is because of my sick mind or if its something else.  So long story short Im looking for a job and I got an email about orientation from a place Ive applied at. I show my FP the email and hes like "do you want to go ahead and do this" and im like yes so hes, what i thought was reading the email, but is actually filling out my job forms for me in the link the email provided. He asks me "hey, your social is 91 right?" and Im like... no. its not. Hes like oh shit hold on and is trying to go back and fix it but the page is locked and Im asking for my phone back and I can feel my self getting angry and he gives my phone back and Im like why did you do that? To be honest I cant remember what I said fully or even what fully happened now because I guess my brain shuts things out all the time, idek. But I wasnt being mean, I wasnt calling names or yelling. I was hurt that he messed up my forms when he shouldnt have even done my forms and that he didnt even know my social after weve been together for literal years. And all hes saying is "you can just email the people and get new forms or you can call them and have them fix it" and in my fucked up mind all I can zone in on is that he messed up my stuff and its hurting me and im losing a grip on my emotions so i say im going to go walk the dogs and he comes with me and Im not even being mean or yelling.  Im asking him why he did that and why he didnt remember my social and doesnt he care that im going to try to have to fix it all when i could have just done it myself right. and hes not saying sorry so I ask him why he cant even tell me sorry for doing it and so he says "im sorry but i dont tell you im sorry because you never believe me" but the only reason i dont believe him is because of my fucked up head and he knows it. And he always says it so meanly and uncaringly.. or maybe thats just in my mind. I can never tell whats real or not in my head. So I just start to cry and walk home and when he comes inside he says hes sick of me and us and hes leaving and to not contact him and that "our relationship is the kind thats going to go bad and stale in 15 years and were just stuck together because its comfortable" and im just like... blank. like.. what? because i am upset with you over what you did with my job email and i was talking out my emotions with you?? he was like "yeah but you cant just take im sorry and deal with it" or whatever and I was like you told me to work on expressing my emotions instead of bottling it up and its a problem because I didnt just say it was all okay and fix it myself...??? hes left now and idk what will happen or whats wrong even and Im just so fucked up. This probably doesnt even make any since now. Im not in too good of a headspace right now. Maybe this is just me venting. But like... what did i do wrong?? is my head just so fucked up that even when i think im being normal im not? or was it my FPs fault?? i wasnt even that mad with him.. just hurt but now I feel like all of this was my fault and that i should have just forgave him and not complained or gotten upset because now I think hes left me... and at the end before he left, i wasnt even feeling anything anymore. i just kept saying idc idc idc . what the fucks wrong with me.  it always seems to be its my fault.. even when i think that truely it isnt. i cant trust myself. i just need someone to listen and know how it feels. i feel so bad...