For my whole life I’ve been depressed…

Idk if it’s genetics, my mindset, people around, or demons in my head but I’ve always had a negative mindset to things.

Educationally, I’ve been really focused on school my whole life … straight A student, joined a band after school and now everyone sees me as “potential” or “doing something great …career wise”. 

I’ve recently graduated with a BS in speech pathology in May 2021 but I do not want to follow up with the masters as I realized I do not want to do that and basically did it because I listened to everybody else. I haven’t worked a whole year from May 2021-July 2022 due to anxiety and stutter (Is this considered laziness? As my dad gave me money every now and then and my grandpa is paying rent). 

I’m working as a case manager right now and it’s a good job I’m helping others but I just don’t have the drive at times just motivating myself out the bed, putting a fake mask on everyday etc….

I was thinking about finding another job to take care of my mental health as this job is good as I’m helping people I’m doing a great deed…but I’m just fucked up in the head right now and this job calls a lot out of me and I can’t help other people if I can’t help myself.

My mom keeps referring to clothing jobs as mediocre and I just want a job because “I need money” I don’t want a job that I have to do after work…just a job I can do at work and leave at work for now.