Hi, everyone. I don't really know which sub this belongs in, but since anxiety is definitely a part of the issue, I thought I would try here. 

I'm a 51 year old woman, and I seem to have developed several coping mechanisms to deal with my anxiety and depression, not all of which are terribly healthy. One is my disordered eating. I hadn't thought of it as disordered until fairly recently but I think it is. I graze and snack all day, on chocolate, biscuits (cookies), cheese and crisps. Not masses at once, just mouthfuls here and there. But those mouthfuls add up and I realised today that I wasn't being terribly mindful about it: I had been eating peanut butter out of the jar with a teaspoon and realised, with some alarm, that there were loads of dirty teaspoons in the sink and I'd eaten half the jar! I feel like I'm dissociating from the amount I'm actually snacking on and the amount is rather more than I consciously realise. I think the problem has got worse since the start of the pandemic.

I'm not overweight (yet), but I'd like to get this under control. I have an addictive personality and also spend far too long each day scrolling social media and playing those silly Candy Crush games on FB. This is not how I want to spend my days!

I need to add here that I'm disabled - I've got CFS/ME, a heart condition and a stoma bag. My sleep is terrible thanks to the stoma bag but there's not much I can do about that. I do however need to eat better, but my stoma restricts me, sadly. But I so often feel too exhausted to cook properly and end up eating "beige food" all the time. 

It's possible that I have ADHD/ADD, but given that my battle to get counselling has proved fruitless (don't ask - I haven't got the spoons!) I doubt I'll get a referral. I have issues of co-dependency, controlling parents, loneliness and anxiety. Boredom in lockdown played a part but I'm the kind of person who finds it impossible to kick a bad habit, once I've gained it! I find it so hard to keep good habits up. It's so frustrating.

I also can't access therapy at the moment and would be grateful if people didn't suggest it. I'm really more interested in other people's stories who might have gone through something similar, and some practical ways of tackling the problem. I'm in CoDA, by the way (a 12 step programme), and have 2 Zoom meetings per week, so I'm not entirely without support.

Anyway, I don't want this to get too long, so I'll end it there! I chose the lifestyle flair as clearly my lifestyle needs attention! Thanks for reading!