Do you ever find yourself about to fall off the edge over *nothing*? Well, seemingly nothing. 

Often times when I have an episode of rage or depression, there’s a cause, a trigger, etc. 

Right now, if I had to guess, it’d be because I’m feeling alone/ignored. Or because I’m letting myself be empathetic or actually feel my emotions, specifically those regarding other people. I try to be as callous as I can with others but have recently started talking about personal stuff, outside of therapy, with people. 

It’s getting so hard again, I was doing well, and now I’m not, and it’s a cycle I get trapped in so often. 

I won’t get to see my therapist until the 27th (last session was on the 29th of June.) I usually do GREAT for a week after the session, then meh the week before. But now I just feel chaos in my head. 

I’m so *hurt* right now for no reason, and I can feel that little spark of rage trying to catch in my chest and engulf me in the flame. My anger tends to be one of my worst symptoms (as it’s much easier to be blinded by rage than crushed by sadness) and it destroys who I am and work so hard to be and just morphs me into someone completely different. 

I hope I will be okay. Maybe I just needed this off my chest. I can still feel the tingle and pull of the anger in me, dying to be let loose and fuck my life up, though. Even though I hardly have much of a life at all! I just wish I had one specific thing to pin it on, so I could get rid of it, rather than 10,0000 theories as to why I feel like using my wall for punching practice. 

☹️😕☹️😕☹️😕☹️