TW: panic attacks, intrusive thoughts? 

I 21F, I have suffered with anxiety and depression all my life, I have received child’s counselling which didn’t work for me and am currently taking sertraline daily. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and moderate to severe depression formally at 17 and prescribed antidepressants at 18. 

Due to having mental illness throughout my childhood, my family is pretty familiar with my symptoms, more so than me. I have a particular memory of bleaching my hair and telling my sister ‘I finally feel more like myself’ and she replied something along the lines of ‘anything that makes you look less like you makes you feel that way, it’s your body dysmorphia.’ 

I never really thought about it and thought I suffered with self confidence issues similarly to most people. That is until I actually thought about it- I had scheduled lip fillers for that week because of my ten year hatred of my ‘uneven’ top lip which no one but me has ever noticed, even the aesthetician. (I didn’t go through with because I had panic attack about going blind while I was there anyway 🤪)
I also found diaries of when I was younger, I had a step my step written instruction manual of how to make some of my facial features more like how I wanted them, and had listed all my flaws on my face (with diagrams).
I also had charts upon charts of measurements for my body. I never had an eating disorder, but I definitely had an ideal wait hip bust ratio I wanted to achieve/maintain and kept track of it.
I also have a tendency to cut  and dye my hair monthly because I end up thinking how it doesn’t match my face shape, skin colour or eye colour enough.

So I realised it’s a possibility for sure, but I also for a while thought it accounted for other symptoms I have:
When I get panic attacks it’s usually because my mind feels so disconnected to my body. I stare at my arms and legs and feel disgusted that there’s bones and flesh inside of my skin. I freak out about how it moves when I want it to, how far away my extremities are from my head, and realise I can’t see out of my line of vision (e.g I can’t see anything behind my head when I should be able to). I constantly have to try not to think about these things or I will go into one of my nervous episodes. The whole thought of being in a body freaks me out and irritates me, every feature I think is gross and I almost want to cut myself open to see what’s inside of me etc, or even wish to be able to remove my eyes so I can see behind me.

It doesn’t happen very often but everyone I know finds it really strange, and I’ve started to wonder if it’s actually related to BDD at all, so was wondering if it’s something else that more people with depression, anxiety or BDD felt or even if it’s just a product of panicking?! 

Anyone else get this at all? Is it common amongst these mental illnesses or should I see a medical professional for additional diagnosing?