Hello everyone. I have been having a rough time recently. And mentally I feel like I am at the worst point I have ever been. I am a 24m btw. I guess what has kicked my anxiety into high gear is at the beginning of this year I started a remote job. The job is fantastic, love the company, my team, etc. but when I got hired my boss mentioned that they like to bring in the team roughly 4 times per year. I thought this was great, because I have always liked having an in person job, and travel sounded cool. 

When it comes to traveling I have had overall many amazing experiences. But there have been a few occasions where I have had some bad experiences. In 2018 I flew out west for an internship. First time leaving my family and going out alone. That morning going to the airport I was throwing up, scared, it just all hit me even though I had been excited for the opportunity. I still went and the internship was great, but literally every flight I’ve had since, I am worried about getting sick. And ever since that I have intentionally avoided morning flights, as my stomach is usually uneasy in the morning, I like flying in the evening/night. I also like to sit on the isle because I know I can get up if I need too. 

Anyways jumping back to May of this year, we had our first team get together trip. It was a week at the corporate office where most of my team sits. When I book the flight the only option that made sense was a morning flight. I decided this was my first work trip and I just had to “suck it up”. I forgot how Southwest doesn’t do assigned seats, I ended up being one of the last few people on the plane, and I got stuck on the window, next to two larger people. And the person to my direct right got handed a toddler that was sleeping in her arms. As soon as I sat down I knew I wasn’t going to be able to get up. And I started having a panic attack. It was horrible. My chest even started hurting which I hadn’t felt before. My worst flying experience ever. The rest of the trip went well, and the flight back I got my isle seat and that brings us to last week…

Time to schedule another team trip, of course again morning flight, booked it last week. When I came back from the trip in May I wanted to start going to therapy, but one thing I have realized is I tend to put off things that have to do with my health. I haven’t gone. But that flight really screwed me up. I have had anxiety about this next trip every single day. I genuinely don’t want to go. And I think I’ve realized I need to go to therapy, and take care of the other things for my health so I can get in better mental shape. There’s a lot of other things going on in my life right now and I think the large amount of added anxiety around this traveling for work is making me not enjoy things very much recently. 

I just can’t seem to get these wildly negative thoughts out of my head. Thinking of having a panic attack, or heart attack, or dying on the plane ride there. AND I used to love flying. That flight in May really messed with me, and I have kind of just tried to ignore it. 

And that’s just this one situation. I might end up going. But I am seriously thinking about either coming up with an excuse or just being straight up with my boss. My health is more important. 

Idk. I guess this was more of a story time, tell me what you guys think.