I live by myself and moved to a brand new city 8 months ago. 

I need this pattern of sadness to stop, and I do what I can to manage it. I go to therapy. 

But time and time again, sometimes I just decide the world is too much for me to want to be in anymore and I don't want to have to be up at night crying like this anymore. It's just gotten to the point where I'm not even depressed I'm just simply exhausted of the night after night, day after day, continuous depression. I am just tired of it and want it to end.