I have quite severe BPD which was getting better before covid and went bungee jumping down since. One thing that has been really giving me horrible self disgust and anxiety is to think how privilidged I am, knowing I have a roof on top of my head, a good paying job, being white and being surrounded by pretty alright people and still have all this depression, anxiety, suical thoughts etc while so many people around the world are suffering and living terrible lives.

I have terrible daddy issues caused by the most controlling and manipulative dad, a granddad who was trying steal me from my parents to become my dad and "gift" me to a grandma who always dreamed of having a daughter, and a broken family that really screwed me in the head. Though when I think of what some really really fcked up things people experience as kids I just absolutely hate myself and want to hurt myself for being so privilidged and still have depression and constant unhappiness... These feelings get so overwhelming, I fantasize or wish something much much worse happened to me as a kid so I could justify my unhappiness and depression and then I go into an absolute loop.

I was watching a tv series that portrays the unjust law system, the hardships black people go to, poverty, LGBT issues etc and those feelings just got triggered so bad I went into deeo depression for the entirety of holidays.

If someone else told me this I would tell them that others' pain doesn't makes your less but that's not how it works for BPD 😔