For the past year, I've (20, AFAB, BP2) been heavily suspecting that I have comorbid ADHD or Autism after discovering how much I relate to many adhd + autistic experiences (on account of the TikTok algorithm putting me on ADHD/Autismtok and me realizing haha oh no this do be a little too relatable and apparently that isn't normal). I got an evaluation in February 2021, but the psych was objectively biased and opposed the possibility of ADHD or Autism bc I was "smart and had good grades." So that kinda boosted the self doubt that maybe I'm just looking for attention or excuses for all my symptoms that don't exactly match with the BP2.

Which brings me to my next issue - most of my friends are mentally ill. We talk about these things a lot. I joked once about my fear that my BP2 is actually misdiagnosed BPD because of my social interaction/misunderstanding issues, rapid cycling/sometimes hourly mood swings, general emotional instability, rejection sensitivity, and severe, almost obsessive, hyperfixation on specific people.

To which I got the concerned stares and the "Have you considered looking into a possible diagnosis for BPD?" Including from a friend diagnosed with BPD who is now heavily recommending DBT therapy to me every time I have a meltdown to them over someone I'm fixated on. 

I'm just now caught up on the fact that I'm almost certain I have other things going on besides the bipolar, but I don't know *which* thing or things they are. Autism, ADHD, AND BPD all feel like they fit all at the same time but I feel like there's no way it's possible to have that many comorbidities but then there's also all these studies about incredibly high rates of comorbidities between each individual dx and aaaaaaaaaaa. And then there's the internal fear that all of the extra "symptoms" that don't fully match the bipolar are just personal flaws that I'm looking for excuses for or playing up for attention/a desire to feel special.

And I know there's the whole labels don't really matter if you're getting the right care thing, but I already have identity issues and I just want to have words that accurately describe situations and having these words be approved by doctors allows me to better understand and navigate my treatment needs. Like if I need treatment for ADHD but can't get the official diagnosis, a lot of treatment options (stimulants, for ex) are blocked off to me. 

And then there's the whole AFAB thing putting an extra layer of difficulty on the possibility of ADHD and/or Autism since there's 0 fucking research into how those present in AFAB adults and diagnostic criteria are by and large based on stereotypical AMAB childhood diagnosis. 

I just want to explore these possibilities and figure out exactly what concoction of issues is going on in my fucked head but I'm scared of being invalidated by psychs that follow outdated science or stigmas or stereotypes or don't believe in comorbidities. And I'm scared that I'm not even right in the first place about there being something else, despite everyone in my life telling me I'm very much textbook neurodivergent and it severely impacting my existence.

I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, but if there is anyone who's ever gotten multiple comorbid diagnoses within the BPD/Autism/ADHD spread, please tell me I'm not fucking insane.