I've been having a really hard time calming my mind lately. The only time I get relief is when I completely numb out and its like I'm not in control of my body. I can stare at a wall for hours, completely numb and in auto pilot. I know this scares my husband to death, but its better than the constant loop my thoughts go through. I've been having problems thinking about how I'm going to fall through the cracks of society, never have a "real person job" outside of the restaurant/retail jobs. That I'll end up homeless and never making more than $8 an hour. Or my mind will make me sit through a green card interview, which ends up with me crying over how great my husband is. And then its back to falling through the cracks. Its like I cant get my brain to shut up. Its most distracting at night but it continues all through the day from the moment I wake up. Its wearing me thin and I'm in a lot of mental pain, so much that last night I was shaking uncontrollably and in so much mental pain I was rocking back and forth, patting him like a 2 year old does to the parent in the mist of a tantrum. The hubby was trying to hold me and calm me down, but I was just plain broken. I dont know what to do, I'm five thousand miles away from home and my therapist. I'm homesick and I havent gotten out of bed for the 3 months that I've been here. 