I have been feeling like a complete idiot in social situations. I can't stop thinking about what not to say, to keep my mouth shut so nothing dumb comes out of my mouth, and past situations in which I have said or done something stupid at which I'm sure people have cringed and over which I continue to berate myself. Right now I'm sitting at work trying to hold back tears because I am just so stupid and I want to kill myself when I get home but I wouldn't have the courage and have never allowed myself to come up with a set plan. 

This is the latest social situation I've been going over and over:
I was at a party Friday night; I made out with someone for an hour in the living room around some other people until he decided it was time for him to leave. I'm 27-years-old; should I just be making out? Should I be making myself go further? The guy said he felt like he was in high school again, it was nice to make my acquaintance, he had a nice time. But I can't stop thinking that I was wrong. My other acquaintance-friend pointed out we were just making out for an hour with kind of an accusatory "that's odd" tone. Now that we're not teenagers that means we have an obligation to fuck? Or I have an obligation to get him off? Because everyone else at the party was fucking? I enjoyed my time but I can't stop thinking that I didn't do the right thing and I'm a huge weirdo/rude bitch for just making out. 

Today at work I look like trash, my hair is greasy, and I came here stoned. I think my boss knew and called me into his office to talk about a position here since I am trying to become full time. I'm pretty sure they are aware I am mentally ill and that I have a hard time being a capable person. I have to remind myself to look people in the eye and I am not impressive. I don't think I appear normal at all.