So I (22F) met this guy I’ll call him John (31M) through friends a year ago. We hit if off and hung out everyday for six months.He would talk to me about my emotional issues and always have a sympathetic ear. We have the same mutual friends here and they all like him.


He has a very cynical world view though. His parents were both doctors. In high school he had a 4.0 gpa and got nearly perfect scores on the SATs. He want to Colorado state because that’s where most of his friends were going. His plans were to become a high up political figure or a lawyer. Everyone in his life was saying that’s where he was going. He hated all his general education classes.


He flunked out his second year and worked retail jobs. He met a girl named Rebecca(30F) who his friend used to date. She was his only crazy ex, the rest he has not much bad to say. She would throw things at him, get mad if he was looking at celebrities in movies to long, accused him of using her for sex ,and would break his things. They dated for five years.


During this time he had periods of depression that started when he was in college and made him fail out. Where he would spend months not working and having suicidal thoughts. He has nihilistic views about the world, he thinks things are meaningless and random. He was never bullied, never had any abuse, and came from an affluent family.


A years before I met him he was doing therapy for depression. At 28 he went to a residential treatment center but said it was a scam and took his money. He spent five months there, it’s an expensive reputable treatment center. He saw no change.



After five months he started to become depressed. He started complaining that rent was too high, that his job had become mundane. He quit his and we planned to stay together but he “had to leave because he was being screwed over for rent money”.


So he went home to live with his parents. He’s had no job for a year. He doesn’t pay rent, he does SOME chores, he takes care of the dogs, and most days watches movies, reads the news, and reads books. He says his depression has made him feel so negative he can’t function.


After eight weeks of leaving he told me he was suicidal and I said talk to a professional and stopped talking to him. He says he can’t open up to me now because of that. I talk to him a lot about my insecurities because when he left I felt very alone. I’ve tried bringing up that maybe something happened in his childhood he doesn’t remember. He said that was stupid.



(The ex who harasses me is a different ex)
I’ve lost my temper with him. Since we met I have an ex I’ve know since I was 16 for six years. Even though I haven’t seen him in 2 years, he keeps sexual photos of me and contacts me every so often. It’s to the point if I ignore him he sends the photos to me saying “remember these:)”. I feel like I can’t block this ex because he’s been aggressive in the past and knows where I live and my family. John always rolls his eyes when I tell him about it now.

He says there’s an easy solution block him. I try to explain that if I make a hard choice and piss him off I have a got feeling he’ll do something. I’ve blocked him in the past but he’ll find ways to contact. I compare johns and his relationship with Rebecca and how he stayed so long. He said I try to compare two situations that aren’t similar and that I’m bad at arguing.


He says that I’m shallow because I was bullied in high school badly and now really critical of my looks. He says I’m emotionally immature and a liar . Ive never been called that really before but he says it comes from things like me lying about taking the last cookie. I’m an anxious person and working on it but I tell white lies sometimes.


I’m in Chicago for my birthday with all my friends. He’s in a grumpy mood. I try to call him and he doesn’t want to talk. This is a common theme throughout the past year I just want to talk how normal friends would. Like a couple times a week or once a week. But he won’t do that sometimes and if I try to keep trying to talk to him because I worry he says I’m annoying and needy.I try couple days later and he says we aren’t dating ,we don’t live in the same state, I don’t have a future for myself or you. I am upset. I say he’s never cared about me , that he’s a constant pity party, he’s a loser and that he’s selfish.


We don’t talk for two weeks and he send me like a text that was like 700 words. Saying how I’ll find someone, all my good qualities and talking about his own issues. I felt a simple sorry could of been enough or phone call. I felt patronized. I told him I didn’t read the whole thing and deleted it. He was pissed that I couldn’t be bothered to read it. And ignored me for awhile. 



He’s very unemotional and acts like I’m hysterical. I apologized a couple weeks later he says he doesn’t see what he could of done differently in either situations. He said that I was mean and just throwing things in his face when I was criticizing him. He said he thinks the things I say but ten times worse.That he was being objective and logical. I said I know I need to work on my anger issues.


Am I a mean person? Am I acting crazy? Should I cut contact with John?


Tl;dr: guy I was exclusive with for five months left the state and has spent a year living with his parents.