i’ve been depressed for 7 years and everything is steadily going wrong again. it’s like the same things happen over and over with different people. i’m not even upset like i used to be but it reminds me what life is all about. even if i put my best foot forward that shit doesn’t matter. it’s not about what i do. i’m cursed to be unhappy and alone until the end. everyday i wish i could trade my life with someone who enjoys this and deserves it. i feel bad for not wanting to be here anymore but it’s literally an illness i don’t know how much more of it i can take. i’ve tried killing myself multiple times and every time i wake up. i’ve been to therapy. i’ve talked about it with my friends and family. i have a good job. i work out. i smoke and drink to try to cope but not often. i’m doing everything everyone tells me and nothing is changing mentally. one day i will succeed with my efforts and no one will be able to say they didn’t see it coming. i wish there was an easier ways to do it but i think i’ll just do it the old fashioned way. this isn’t a call for help this is a rant. i don’t want any of you to worry about me just know one day i’ll be at peace. thanks for reading. i hope you guys make it through i’m routing for you.