Its been a rough year and a half for me with respect to managing my anxiety. It's mostly brought on by my work, and most definitely exacerbated by the pandemic. I'm in academia, a postdoctoral researcher in biochemistry trying to figure out what the next step in my career/life will be. My anxiety has become unmanageable at times that it just defines who I am as a person. On good days, I can channel that anxiety to accomplish great things in both my personal and professional life. On bad days, however, I am struggling to even meet the minimum expectations I have for myself and my research progress. I often think that if I had a 'real' job outside of academia I probably would have been fired. (At this point my therapist would be asking me if this is really true or if I just have abnormally high expectations but it is really the former).

I'm trying my best to find solutions (e.g. meditation, journalling, going back to therapy after a long break, staying active, eating healthy, self-care, etc). I'm optimistic that I will beat this. Funnily enough though, I often worry that if I learn to manage my anxiety, then I will lose a certain sense of self. I'm wondering, to what extent does anxiety motivate and drive me to do things? Will I have the same energy, intensity, passion, and dedication to the things I love without this persistent anxiety pushing me??

Just wondering if anyone relates to this and has some thoughts or experience they can share.