I'm fourteen and I everyday I have no motive to continue living. I feel like living is actually torture, unless you are born rich and pretty your life is going to suck. As a child you have to study to prove to people that you are someone, I don't believe anyone who says "your grades don't matter" cause if you are child no one will think anything of you unless you are smart. And than you are going to grow up, you will have responsibilities and do taxes and whatever. You will never get a break.

Currently, I feel like I'm a worthless useless piece of trash. I'm not smart, I'm not pretty, and I'm not talented, I see no future for myself. My parents suck, they say they care but whenever I ask to get therapy they start getting mad at me. They say things like "You aren't allowed to be depressed you don't know what it is like to be an adult" or "are you trying to make me into some kind of villain, I'm sorry we aren't good enough parents you ungrateful brat!" They also hit me so much to the point it doesn't hurt that much when I get slapped by them. My dad is homophobic, and I am bisexual, I haven't told anyone this yet, and I know my dad won't accept me, My mom supports the LGBTQ+ Community unless if me or my siblings are part of it, if I were to date a girl she would not support me. My older sister is ashamed of me and does not want me in her life. My younger sister is a spoiled brat who never gets any consequences to her actions! Aside from the family stuff I have other trouble. I am socially awkward and have a lot of anxiety so I have no friends. Sometimes I feel like if I have someone to vent to it won't be so bad. I also hate my school, I used to do well in school, never got under an 8, I loved my old school, until my parents transferred me to this other school because it had a better name and was more well known. I hate it there, I immediately felt so much pressure, I was so stressed. They are always saying "why don't you study" but I do, all the time but I can never achieve the grades I need, I don't know why, I used to do so good at school. The teachers there act like they care but they are just manipulative monsters, I had a teacher who humiliated me and looks like he enjoys it, he would make me hold my bad grade up in front of the class, I am not good when I'm standing in front of people so I usually cry when I stand up there. I've been called stupid by everyone, by parents, my siblings, my teachers, my classmates. I also hate my face and body, everyone around me seems so pretty and I look like fcking troll. People also made fun of my appearance, I had my hair cut short and the girls all called me a boy, they won't let me go into the girls bathroom, they won't let me sit with them saying I should be sitting in the boys table. I've been bullied a lot and when I tell my parents about they say I need to learn to take a joke. 

Another thing is people used to call me fat and now people are saying I'm to skinny, and I can't gain any weight even thought I eat as much as I can. No matter what I do I will be an ugly puke.

I feel like I'm a failure, and that I will never be able to achieve anything in life. Everyday I honestly feel like dying will be so much better than living in this horrible world. Every time I cross a road I sometimes want to stop and hopefully a car would run me over. I mean honestly if I die no one will care.

The person I felt closest to was my grandmother from my mom's side but she passed away almost 2 years ago, and I don't feel like anyone cares about me like her.

I have so many things in my chest that I want to talk about, the above isn't even half of it, but I never have anyone to talk to.