*trigger warning SI*

I feel like everything is falling apart. I feel like an inconvenience on everyone I’ve ever met. I feel like my existence itself is something exhausting for others. People love me, they love me when I’m happy. But there’s this darkness in me, this deep pain and I feel like I have to hide it. Sometimes when I’m really stressed out the pain comes out and it pushes everyone I love away. I’m currently moving, but I made my moving day on a Tuesday so my friends and family are busy with work. I also lost my best friend/partner. I am so past my threshold that I physically feel paralyzed. I just want peace. I want calm. I want my life to look the same everyday. I want routine. But I currently am so ungrounded with moving and all of my things in boxes and feeling so uprooted and helpless. On top of doing it all alone.