I’m not sure if this is a bpd symptom or not, but I feel this almost extreme joyful or happy sensation but it doesn’t feel grounded. I can tell that connecting with others in this state seems impossible. Like I have this underlying tone of like if people were to talk to me I wouldn’t be able to be present with them or connect on anything deeper than small talk, specifically with loved ones. And it could just be that communication with loved ones sometimes has to be a little more intentional and I don’t have the bandwidth for that. But I also have this fear that if something negative happens in communication with a loved one, like a small misunderstanding or I don’t like something they say or they don’t like something I say then I’ll blow up. So I gather that I feel this overjoyed happy sensation but also feel like I’m on edge and scared at the same time. Does anyone else experience this? 

Another thing I’m feeling that tends to happen when I’m in this mood is this desire to get carried away in the work I’m doing. I can tell that isn’t grounded either. It’s like I have bigger ideas and want to change the world type of feeling, but also I hate the feeling. I wouldn’t compare it to a manic state but maybe? I don’t think I have bipolar though.