I tend to throw myself into random things impulsively. Throughout the years, I have gotten into financial, romantic and legal trouble because of this. 

Today, I had someone almost crying because they wanted to be like me. I moved to Germany because I liked the title on an academic article and am now continuing my studies here. I started a club because I wasn’t allowed to work after impulsively quitting a job that I had impulsively got (the contract said I wasn’t allowed to quit, so I had to go to court to quit). 

It’s hard for me to see someone looking at my impulses that I can barely control and wish to be me. I have problems with cigarettes and alcohol because of these impulses, and I have to do a lot to keep my relationship. I force myself into stability. 

I tried to tell her this, but she didn’t understand and told me that what I did was even more amazing. The problem is that I just want to be normal. Nothing else really matters to me. I don’t want someone to look at me like that because I’m not that amazing. 