I feel like I'm watching myself playing a role with full awareness of the looming end credits - like my name in an eventual obituary. 

I feel like I'm in the driver's seat, but the car is self-driving at 200kph and I have no idea what destination is set, and I'll die on the way anyway. 

I feel like I don't have a clear grip on consequence or mortality or meaning, and lately I'm apathetic to everything.