I know people with BPD are prone to not knowing who they are and not having an identity outside of the disorder, but I have been contemplating the reasons why.  For me, I think it's not that I never started to develop a sense of self, but that I kept telling myself that who I was turning into wasn't worthy of feeling confident.   I felt like everything that defined me would cause people to tease me.

If I became who other's around me wanted me to be, I wouldn't have to worry about being ridiculed.  I'd be accepted.   If anyone did tease me, I'd remind myself that it isn't even the real me they dislike.  As far back as 3 years old, I had learned to always have an emotional out; a reason to prove why I was not terrible, but at the same time, truly believing I am.

BPD feels like a huge contradiction that causes me to be a hypocrite, and hypocritical people annoy me to no end.  Basically, I hate the fake me but I'm too terrified of reality to be the real me.

Is this something anyone here relates to?  Does anyone have any tips on dealing with this in a healthy way?  Any other words of inspiration?