My condition was worse during my 20s and I lost all of my friends and boyfriend that I loved so much. Then I met my husband and he gave me unconditional love. I did not want to lose him. I worked with a counselor and studied a lot. Things got so much better. 

Then after we had our son, who’s 2.5yo, things got worse again. I’ve been pushing his love away, testing him all the time. I know this happens more especially when I don’t feel good about myself. But I can’t change much about my work and the lack of time I have for myself. I don’t have time to go to the gym, which used to help so much. And my toddler getting sick all the time is making it worse. Financially unstable and that’s not helping either. 

He just really genuinely cares about me and I know that. Sometimes he tells me to get some rest, but I keep saying I should be doing the dishes, cleaning, etc. Then he says he’ll do those, I get mad and keep doing by saying I should be the one who does it. I know I’m trying to show him that I think I should be sacrificing myself more and treating him like a king, and I do this because I know that’s what he hates the most. He gets frustrated and leaves, and I am so angry I start texting him from the kitchen about how angry I am. It just doesn’t make sense, but I can’t stop it. I just can’t accept his love and care anymore. Things aren’t as bad as it used to be before I met him. But it’s certainly worse lately.