Since being released from the psych ward a couple of weeks ago I haven't stopped self-harming. It's been a constant, every single day, whether I want to or not. I feel fractured; shattered, like a thousand tiny slivers of glass. The kind that sink under your skin and burn and itch. 

I'm not even supposed to be alive, I'm living on borrowed time. Every day is a negative number. I took an overdose the other day and ended up in hospital. All I do is make everyone upset and angry. I feel so far away, just out of reach, if someone were to grasp for me, their hand would just pass through me like smoke. 

Every day I draw on pain. I hurt and hurt and hurt. I'm useless, a failure, a waste. I look in the mirror and I don't recognise myself. My hands aren't my hands. If I were to stop self-harming I would go crazy, lose my mind, cease to exist. 

Nothing can get through to me because there's nothing left of me. I am dissolving. I am screaming out. I am silent. What do I even do now? I don't think I will ever get better. I don't think I deserve to get better.