I know that a lot of people here are struggling and that when we’re at the peak of emotional suffering, it’s easy to feel helpless and hopeless. I’ve been there before and I get it. So, I wanted to share with you guys that it can get better. I’ve been in therapy off and on since I was 18 (past 10 years), and while I still struggle, when I look back at how I used to behave and feel...I can’t even recognize my old self anymore. Here are some thoughts I’ve learned through therapy: 

1. What boundaries look like: I used to stay in crappy relationships because I used to be afraid of abandonment or being alone. Now, I just leave whenever I recognize the red flags.

2. That feelings are just feelings. I try not to read into them as much anymore. I feel sad? Well, I feel sad. I feel ugly/unworthy? Well, that’s just how I feel and it’ll pass. Feeling doesn’t have to mean that something is true. Or permanent. It’s just another state, and it passes if I accept it and let it be.

3. Taking responsibility for my actions and reactions. Yeeeah, I have BPD and it sucks, and triggers me, etc. But honestly, everyone has their own problems. And most people, at the end of the day, just wanna be treated well. So, these days I try not to spaz on people because - regardless of my own suffering, no one is deserving of me externalizing it.

4. Accepting myself; this is one that I struggle with but that I’m starting to wrap my head around. My recent ah-moment has been recognizing that...no one is bad or good, including myself. People are just what they are. So, there’s really no point in judging myself. This doesn’t mean that I don’t still have those feelings or thoughts. I still do. But, when they come up, I usually think, “is there a way for me to be any other way than who I am in this current moment?”. No? Well, then I’m not going to worry about it.

5. To recognize my needs and to express them. I’m realizing that having needs is okay; and I’m finally processing and accepting that the invalidation I grew up with directly contributed to why this has been difficult for me. But, that I’m deserving of having needs and meeting them. 

6. It’s not that serious. Life’s not that serious. People are just living and doing their best. Honestly, it’s actually pretty mundane most of the time. Many people are suffering and in pain. I’m not unique or special. I always thought that I was “uniquely suffering”, and not experiencing what a “normal” experiences in life. Yeeeah. Now that I’m older, I’m realizing that - honestly, life is pretty much meaningless. That’s the default setting. For it to mean anything, you gotta make it happen. And there is no “magical moment where I’ll fix myself and things will be better”. Literally, everyone is just living day to day, doing the same shit.