I was meant to start college today. Instead I'm planning how to disappear. I freaked out when I seen an email this morning saying today Is the first day. I wasn't prepared, I didn't know and freaked out completely, I'm not ready or able for this. I'll fail again, it's best off that I either just end it and leave for good, I can't even do the basic things anymore. I'm a joke of a person and just a massive let down. I fight with everyone which has left me alone. I think today is when I finally do it, I messed up my dream today and there's no going back. I know it's going to hurt others yet I don't seem to care, which is just an other reason to why I'm a bad person and to why I have to finally do this. I'm sorry to the ones I care about, my life just isn't worth it, I hope they can understand and be happy that I won't be suffering anymore. This has to happen.