This is really a vent but a trigger warning was needed as well. 

I’ve realized that I’ve pushed everyone away. I have no I trust enough to talk to. Fuck I wanna call my bf rn and cry to him, but he’s going though his own shit and I keep telling him I’m fine bc I don’t want him to worry. I really wanna die or sh, but I’m 27 days clean and I don’t wanna ruin it. I’m just laying in bed fighting the urges and sobbing into my pillow. 

I’ll be okay. I’m always okay. I’ve never not been okay.