finally started to improve myself and went to prom with a really nice girl almost a week ago. everything was amazing until the next day where i lie to her and ruin it all. she has past trauma with a lying ex who did unspeakable shit. she tells me that her walls are up and doesn’t know how to feel about me anymore. the only reason i wanted to improve my health was because of her, and now i don’t have that. haven’t felt overtly suicidal in months and it’s all starting to boil over to a point where i’ve been putting a loaded gun to my head to see if i could actually do it. not sure if i should just cut contact and move on or salvage it (which feels pathetic and futile now)