I realized that my goal in life wasn't to be loved but to be loveable. I want to be desired and looked up to. I want to be the person who shines up the room with a laugh, and I've spent my entire life creating this person and catering to everyone's needs because I have to be loveable in their eyes. I've changed everything about myself.. my hair, my nose (plastic surgery), my style, and my personality to cater to the beauty standards to I'd be loveable. Whenever I'd see anyone better than me at anything whether it be looks or style I always become depressed and contemplate dying because I physically and mentally can't stand not being the most loveable person in the room. when my ex broke up with me and got into another relationship two weeks later, I was furious. Not because of the asshole move, but because they've found someone more loveable than me in their lives. I need help. Does anyone else relate?