i thought i couldn't do anything anymore because summer ended, and that time of the year was the only moment i felt alive? but now we're in january and summer is far away so i don't think that was the problem. i'm a senior in high school and that should be the most important year, i should focus on my studies to be accepted in a uni and move out and it should be enough motivation to help me get through this and be good at school but i do nothing. at first i tried, but i keep failing my exams and i feel so lonely in every situations that i just feel like nothing's real or even worth it anymore. some people would say that my procrastination can be fixed just by setting off my phone and work but i just can't focus or get myself into it, i have no excuses, everyone is succeeding in my class but me and i wonder how i will get through this without failing my year. i am so disappointed in myself, idk how to put my thoughts into words but i feel powerless and i'm scared to fail, it's like my fear of abandonment, i feel like now that i don't have this specific person to depend on, i can't even depend on myself and everything feels out of reach, i lost myself in the process and idk how to get my life together. i'm so stressed, and even christmas break made me realize how miserable i've become and how lonely i am. now everything is my fault for failing and i don't even have the strength to stop myself from getting worse, idk how to handle this.