Sometimes on bad days like today, my brain will cack open old memories of things I feel guilty about from my childhood. Today it's a memory about being in a bad mood and crying because I didn't want to go to my sister's soccer game. I was about 9 maybe, and I had no idea I was being rude at the time. I eventually stopped whining and went, but even then I couldn't understand why I felt so terrible that day and I felt guilty then, which I think exacerbated the crying. I have hateful thoughts toward myself as a child for being so moody at times. I worry I was difficult for my parents. I love my sister and she's like my best friend but I also worry sometimes that my moodiness effected her, and I can only hope that she wasn't.