after 3 years in isolation i've just started my senior year of highschool, i was constantly abused starting in March of 2019 to early 2022, and have been extremely depressed for a long time now. i thought that getting out and having somewhere to go and people to talk to would help me feel more at ease, but it hasn't. i feel completely hopeless, even more so than i did while being abused. i want to give it more time and see how it goes, but it's been difficult for me not to feel guilty that people even have to look at me. i feel like a constant burden on everyone i interact with. every time i open my mouth i feel like i'm making a mistake, i want to hide away in my room again so that nobody needs to be bothered by me, but that's no way to live. i'm not the type to air my problems out as i feel like that is the most efficient way to make someone dislike your company, but i yearn for someone to understand my feelings. i've written multiple suicide notes in the past and have self-harmed off and on for the last few years, but i'm tired of the repetitiveness and am beginning to understand how pointless my actions have been. i don't want to be here anymore, i feel so completely uncomfortable in my skin, i don't want to hurt myself or others. the peacefulness of an eternal rest is becoming more appealing by the day.