i am 18 years old. will be a college freshman at my state school in a few weeks. i am brown and i have very strict parents that do not let me go out many times. i cannot sneak out because of the cameras and alarm systems and the fear of punishment when i get caught (when, not if, because they check up on me at night, alarms go off if any doors are opened in my house, motion detectors and cameras, etc.) i don’t want to get my phone taken away for a month and have no social interaction ever just because i attempted to open the front door at night. 

my curfew is 8:00 at the latest, i get in trouble if i hang out longer. the earliest i can leave the house is 2:30. they must have my location at all times and know all the people i am hanging out with. they do not let me hang out more than 2-3 times a week from 2:30-8:00. now sure, this doesn’t seem awful, but I AM 18. 

before someone comments “just leave you’re an adult” please try to be mindful of the fact that i have first gen immigrant super strict indian parents. they made me sit down for a whole lecture like a week ago about how when i go off to college i “better not assimilate to american culture” in college (meaning parties, revealing clothing, dating, sex, drugs, staying out late, etc etc etc). they are very strict and traditional, and i’m not even religious…it’s just purely indian “culture” or whatever the fuck it is.  

i know college will be better and i will “escape them” but i’m only going an hour and a half away, and even though college is soon i have been hurting so bad seeing my friends and people hanging out in a way in which i wish i could. it hurts seeing everyone else my age hang out with other people, in friend groups, be able to go on trips with their friends (like on flights and everything to a different state on a week long trip together??? that’s so freaking crazy to me), staying at each other’s houses for multiple days, going to the beach/concerts/city, driving by themselves, staying out late, basically anything that teenagers do. 

it hurts me very badly because i wish i could do that but i spend my days in my room trying to indulge in hobbies but i’ve been here since fucking COVID and before so it’s really difficult to try and enjoy time in an empty room when you’ve been doing it for like 3 years straight, and even more before that. 

what sucks more is that some people in my old friend group started shit talking me and twisted my words and influenced the others to not hang out with me as much so yeah now i don’t have a friend group (this happened last year. senior year was brutal with no friend group…) i do have a boyfriend of 2 years (ofc parents don’t know) who i hang out with and lie to my parents about (i have a VERY elaborate plan and i feel so bad for him because it’s so difficult for us to even be together..and we’re going 4 hours long distance next year so fuck..)

anyways i’m not even allowed to drive even though i have a license. and we only have one car. 

all i want to do is cry at this point because i have done everything right and nothing to break their trust. indian parents are EXTREMELY strict with schoolwork and i was literally valedictorian of my class for them. never broke any of their rules, never yelled at them, broke something in anger, disobeyed them, anything. partly because of fear of punishment (not just phone being taken away…if you know, you know) and partly because i thought at this point, when i did everything right to be their perfect daughter i’d be able to do at least more than this. 

i’m an 18 year old with the freedoms of a fucking middle schooler. and i hate it.