I just realised today that I think I subconsciously don’t do /engage in certain things that I know are slowly ruining my life as a form of s*lf h*rm. I self destructive in every way. 

I don’t revise for my university exams, I don’t attend my classes. I want to lose weight but I binge eat and because of depression have no motivation to exercise. I am in a lot of financial trouble but despite this I order food when I have my binge eating episodes and I waste my money. I spend all day most days doing nothing productive even tho I have so many aspirations and goals. When I do the things I do it’s like I black out when I make these bad decisions and when the consequences show up, my mental health gets worse. It’s literally like I’m trying to ruin my own life. 

Does anyone else feel like this?