On March 4 2020,  I was driving home from a happy hour when I was pulled over and asked to step out of my car. It wasn’t until then I saw the 6-7 cops with shotguns pointed straight at me. At that moment, I came to the realization that I was going to be killed. After being interrogated and having my car searched, they told me that someone falsely reported a kidnapping and gave my car’s description. Once the guns were put away, I had a full blown mental breakdown and started begging them not to kill me. They just stood there, smiled and made some small talk about COVID.

This incident resulted in several manic/depressive episodes that lasted for months. It got to the point where I chose a date and made plans to kill myself. But I chickened out.

I’ve been working a lot on my mental health issues but…when this anniversary comes up, the suicidal thoughts creep back up. A part of me wished I was killed or that I went through with suicide because I haven’t been at peace since. I’m just really fucking tired. Idk what to do with these thoughts, they’re just there.

I don’t have a question here…I just needed a space to get this all out. I can’t talk to my family/friends about this.