I have issues with depression and anxiety one of my triggers is my family mainly my mom and dad. I've never been close to either of them. My mother is a narcissist and really so is my dad. I went to visit my dad today because he's dying of cancer it's spread to other parts of his body his right leg is basically gone. He's already had lots of other health issues multiple heart attacks CHF. He was discharged from a two day hospital admission yesterday. So even though I don't love my dad honestly he feels like a stranger my two half sisters are closer to him because they grew up staying with him. But growing up both of my parents weren't in my life the moments they were emotionally abusive and damaging. Now that I've gotten older I can look past certain things and I speak up for myself. But it's bad when someone is dying from cancer and heart failure and yet they somehow still can put you down for just being lol. Both of my parents find flaws instead of celebrating the positive it's always the negative. Something my dad has always picked at me about is my weight even when i was like 6 he'd say things about my weight. My weight and body image has sucked I developed eating disorders and still struggle to this day. 

My fiancé and I drove over two hours to see my dad. I was in a great mood all day I met up with my little sister on the way to give her a birthday present. But being there just changed my mood. My dad doesn't know me as a person and neither does his wife. They called me before I got there saying they were getting Subway asked what I wanted I said don't get me anything he still was like get her a turkey. My dads wife got a sandwich and they got me a salad. It triggers me to want to restrict and hyper focus on my body. By the time we got home I was drained and just down. I used to not want to see my dad until I lost weight so he wouldn't say anything. I wish I could cut my dad and mom off they both feel like strangers they've always put themselves first damaged their kids but I feel bad because they are getting older and have health issues especially my dad. 

I'm beating myself up again feeling like I'm not good enough.