After a decade of depression and almost a decade of being an adult, the only thing I wonder about is: what could I have become if I wasn't raised to be a people pleaser, learned to always act like other, "normal" people? if I wasn't bullied for my talents, interests and the way I used to socialize? if my parents didn't shame me for everything?
now I'm 27 and I don't know who I am, because I despise myself so deeply I got rid of stuff I used to love and all my interests. none of various therapies I've been to allowed me to maintain healthy self esteem. I no longer feel human. I am so afraid of living for the next god knows how many years.