Yesterday I hung out with my old high school friend who I hadn’t seen since I moved away for college with my boyfriend. Her and my boyfriend had a previous fling type thing, never had sex but did kiss and whatnot. This was beginning of senior year of high school and I had another boyfriend so it was not malicious at all. They did not work out and it was not weird, it just ended. Many months later I started dating him and me and her were not friends anymore (for no bad reason) We graduated, my boyfriend and I moved away for almost two years and recently moved back home where all of our high school friends are. Yesterday my boyfriend, me, her, and one of our other friends hung out in my apartment and started drinking. She was always sloppy and messy when she drank but I figured it had been two years so maybe she could handle her alcohol better by now.. nope. My boyfriend mentions that his friend who is recently single was looking for a date and she starts saying “tell him how pretty I am” etc etc then says “also look how fat my ass is” and turns around and bends over for my boyfriend. I was not looking in their direction but could see from the corner of my eye, my boyfriend turns away and says “I’m not looking” which was true he didn’t. This infuriated me but I played it off and laughed. Conversation changed and nothing else came of it. Later that night I told my boyfriend that it made me really upset and he said he didn’t look and there was nothing else he could have done to prevent that from happening. That’s true. But I still felt this irrational rage. I split on him and I threw a tantrum so he could not go to sleep even though he works really early. Then when he ignored me I threw the remote across the room and he got extremely angry at me and slept on the couch. He hasn’t talked to me all day understandably but now I am dreading going home later. 

I know that this all my fault and he didn’t do anything wrong but I can’t help but feel this anger towards him. Since my boyfriend and I are starting to hangout with our old high school friends I feel like I am back in high school again. Which sucks. How can I explain what I am feeling to my boyfriend? How do I even begin to apologize for my rage, which is extremely out of character for me? Any DBT skills I could have used then and can use now?