In May I moved back in with my dad to help him after his stem cell transplant and it’s been hard, to say the least. I’m very isolated and recently had to quit my job to help him full time until he can manage to be by himself for extended periods again. To do this I had to leave my life that I spent 5 years building (I’m 28F for reference) in the neighboring state - my job, apartment, partner, cat, and some furniture and other belongings. Not to mention all of my friends. 

I have never felt so isolated and helpless before. I’m trying to find a counselor and doctor for medication management and it’s IMPOSSIBLE here because I’m on Medicaid and I feel like I’m stuck marinating in my depression stew alone. 

It doesn’t help that I’m always thinking about what I left behind and everything that everyone else is doing right now - for example, my sister is working her full time job and is looking at moving to an apartment in the city with her boyfriend. I feel like I’m being left behind because my only purpose right now is to take care of my dad. Before anyone asks - no, nobody else will step in to help. I’ve given up on asking. 

I started helping him in November of 2021 and went back home for a month before I had to come back here. I feel like I don’t have any personality anymore. Nothing is exciting. I don’t look forward to anything. I’m fortunate enough to be in online school so that helps take my mind off of everything for a little while when I’m doing assignments or reading but I just don’t know what to do anymore.