I avoid a lot of things due to anxiety. Nobody really talks about how they feel publicly. How it affects not only your mind but your body and eventually your entire life. I can barely make eye contact and my body tremors when I’m uncomfortable. My voice goes to whispery shake. Even though I force myself it does not get easier. I’m able to disassociate where I can get it done simple things like taking the bus and buying groceries or making zoom or phone calls. My longest job was almost 7 months. I enjoyed the job because I could stay home and not have to really deal with anyone. Just do the work, email, meeting and log off. I’ve been constantly applying for jobs and mostly get rejections. I think I’m going to take a break. I hope to be a remote moderator or data entry remote. If not I’ll probably have to work in a warehouse. I feel I have been neglecting my appearance. Anxiety usually ruins any experience I have which sucks because I don’t really have positive experiences. I don’t have any social skills or friends. I’ve never been in a relationship or had s*x although it’s not a priority for me sometimes I wonder what it’d be like, to have good things happen. I think I should just do what makes me happy instead of trying to help others. Nobody really appreciates what I do. I should just do the bare minimum for them. Anxiety and trauma have held me back from things that would improve my situation like having a license, a car, social skills, etc. At times it makes me very angry and suicidal. Like why am I like this? Why can’t I get over it and do it like every one else here? I’m moving out soon as I have saved up. I know I’ll have to stand up and get therapy and eventually take driving lessons again even though I have terrible past experiences. I’ll have to figure out the job situation quick too when I get there. Right now there isn’t much I can do in an environment where I’ve had some of the worst experiences of my life.