I don't know if anyone else relates to this, but since being diagnosed with BPD at 19, I've realised how it impacted me years before I'd even heard of it.


I was spontaneous. I was fun. I was up for anything, confident, quirky, a little odd. I'm not amazing-looking, but I think the fact that I was decent enough, mixed with my strangeness, made me intriguing to guys when I was a teenager.


Now I'm 22 and in my 3rd serious relationship, which is currently coming apart at the seams. We met when I was 20, and I was exciting, weird, funny. I brought him 'out of his rut'. Then he became my FP and it all came crashing down, as usual. The clingyness, the desperation, the paranoia, the anger. I'm tired of it all. I can't seem to change.


Maybe I'm meant to be that person, that just serves other people for a little while and leaves before I get to attached to make their lives a misery. I cultivated my personality around being this mysterious girl that you never could reach. The ones that reached me, I tore apart. It's not as romantic as the movies make out.