I’m starting to see how my personal issues are affecting not only me but others around me, from friends to coworkers to family (I don’t have an SO). At the same time, I’m growing more and more “desperate” for connection after years of sort of  socially isolating myself. 

I think my anxiety in particular becomes tiresome to others, as does my constant apologizing for minor things. In the same vein, some other things about me people have commented are: being too accommodating, automatically assuming I’m at fault or in trouble all the time, being passive and “people pleasing” (always trying to mind read and align my desires and opinions with others). Throughout my life various people have said that I sometimes make them feel like a tyrant because I am so fearful and apologetic and subservient. I’m sure this is just the top of the iceberg. This makes me very sad to think about. How can I stop myself from impacting others negatively in this way?  How can I be more self aware of my impact on others? How can I bring positivity into the interaction rather than the negativity I’m feeling about myself? How can I not let that exhaust or overwhelm others? I don’t vent really or complain a lot, and I don’t feel the need to, except when I am anxious about an interaction I just had I may occasionally rehash how I feel I messed up and how embarrassed I am. I try to minimize that. Other than this I think my anxiety and self esteem issues just show no matter what I say or do and I think it’s difficult to be around me. Is there a way to be the exception to the rule so to speak, the rule about it being impossible to respect someone who doesn’t respect themselves?