I met my first love at 15 (im 19rn). After a horrible start to the relationship, 2 years of long distance &amp; 1 year of living together I always felt like I was chasing her. I always felt like I was trying to make her love me so much. I was okay with anything that happened because I knew I would never abandon her but holy fuck I never felt the same way back and that killed me so much. I constantly felt like she was testing me and I always failed her test. Although I felt this way everyday I told myself “no way I’m being crazy” and tried to act like a normal person but I would feel like she didn’t like who I was. I kept trying to morph myself in to a different person for her to like more. And each time her love would slowly fade away. My self confidence has been absolutely crushed by this 4 year relationship. I idolized her so much and I truly wished I was her deep down and could say the right things to myself. I wasn’t perfect by any means but neither was her. And that’s the thing I loved how imperfect she was because I knew I wasn’t either. We’ve been broken up for 2 months now I’m completely blocked and she’s already had sex with someone else (that really killed me because I was hoping we would get back together)(and we took each others virginities at 15). I was really slacking and depressed for the last year of the relationship. We had just moved in together and my mom was given 6 months to live. I told myself this didn’t affect me but it definitely did and I just wished she understood I just wasn’t in the right mindset and she took it as I’ll never change and always be like that. Although I know it wasn’t all my fault I still feel like it was and I hate myself for not doing things differently but I know I tried to the best of my abilities at the time. I just hope I find someone like me. Someone who will like me for who I am no matter what. Is that so much to ask. What even is love if it’s not unconditional.