(I’ve made some impulsive posts here before so I’m going to try to be responsible about what I share here, knowing what not to share is a thing I struggle with due to autism)

I’m too young for a diagnosis, for awhile that has eaten me up inside. I made a post awhile ago venting like crazy and when the comments  told me what I didn’t want to hear (that I’m too young to know) I lashed out, and said that I would kill myself because of the comments. I walked over to the cabinet and had the bottle of sleeping pills in my hand, I was thinking about it and crying. That’s when I checked YouTube, a YouTuber I love made a new video. So I didn’t do anything crazy because of it. I stopped using the last account, and deleted all my social media briefly. 

Now the present, I’m miserable. I’ve always struggled with school because of my autism. I was always treated like a child genius, but I never fit in. I was too obsessive and hyperactive for people with autism though, only being able to befriend a few people with ADHD. I could never handle school because of how overwhelming everything got with noise and feeling like all eyes are on me. Help has been failing but that’s for another post. Yesterday I broke down, I was in the school office screaming, crying, saying how much I needed it to end, breaking shit. And because of that I’m going to get more help, that probably won’t help because it never does.