I don’t want to burden my friends or family with this, so I suppose I’ll vent here. 

I survived a horrific upbringing that has left me traumatized. I’m very lucky that I made it past age 18 and wasn’t killed, but sometimes I wish they would’ve murdered me anyways so I don’t have to live with the pain that they caused me. Since I came out of that horrible situation, I was diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder that impacts my every move. 

I don’t know a single person who can even remotely relate to what I suffered. The only people who can relate are people who are victims of horrible true crime stories that you see on the news. So I’m living my daily life with this burden that no one can connect with. 

I don’t *want* a single person to relate to what I suffered. No human should have to go through what I was put through. But what’s hurtful is that no one even wants to hear my story. 

I’ve tried talking to ‘friends’ about what I went through. I put ‘friends’ in quotes because I don’t have too many people in my life who actually act like friends. Hearing my story was so upsetting to them that they cut me off and refused to let me finish what I was trying to share. This has happened multiple times. On one occasion, it even turned into *me* comforting *them* because they were so upset by my story. 

It’s terrifying for me to share my story, and when ‘friends’ do this to me, I don’t feel supported. 

This is going to sound selfish but I don’t care and I’m gonna say it anyways. If anyone out there is reading this, don’t shame me for what I’m about to say: I *deserve* to have my story told and heard. If I had to suffer through it, and you consider me a true ‘friend’ then you have to suffer through hearing it. I know it’s not easy to know that someone you care about was nearly killed. But I shouldn’t have to carry this weight by myself. 

I’ve been able to share *some* of my story with *some* people in my life (friends and family), but I haven’t been able to share the full extent of my story with anyone because I don’t feel like my story is welcome or that people want to hear it. The only people on earth who know the full extent of what I suffered are myself and the two people who put me through it. 

It’s so hurtful. I’m in so much pain.   

So many survivors get to share their stories. Why does no one want to hear mine?