I feel like guys only want sex from me.
Yeah having no self esteem makes me basically do whatever for others but still? It would be nice not to be taken advantage of all the time even though I want that in order to feel actually useful for a change. 
I was literally talking to a friend and I told him that hes the only male that hasnt fucked me up in any way. Well guess what happened the same night..
Ive been sexually assaulted a couple of times and did things I didn't want to do just so I can please people and do my best to keep them around. Terrified of them leaving basically. There's this guy that's so into degrading me that I basically ended up believing anything he says cause I have no sense of self anyways. I'd literally do anything to keep people around even though it makes me feel like shit. Cause anything sexual just makes me panic and gives me flashbacks due to trauma. But hey maybe thats the only way i can be useful since i have holes? Idk