I'm done letting it control my life. This illness is not going to defeat me. I'm done thinking these thoughts. I'm sick of going back to rock bottom after working so hard on myself. I'm sick of feeling ancious, sad, numb and whatever the fuck this shitty illness can throw my way. Life is not supposed be this hard but everything just feels like an impossible task. But it's all an illusion. I don't have to be this afraid and I don't have to feel like everything will become a disaster. Life doesn't need to have meaning. I can do whatever I want goddammit. I'm gonna do what has to be done. I'm gonna be happy. No matter what.