i'm still only 18 and have a hopefully long life. i had to drop out of college only 4 weeks in because i never wanted to go and proved me right that i wouldn't be able to handle it. but the thought of getting a job, contributing to society, and not being able to do what i want, or even turning my own passions into "work",, i always find myself tearing up or even sobbing sometimes. my therapist who i've been seeing since january said i need to primarily focus on making myself mentally stable but i don't even know if i'll be able to make an appointment with my doctor about it, or even be attentive enough during the discussion. 
i hate the way my brain works so much. i've been diagnosed with anxiety and currently unspecified depression so it's hard to tell if i also have adhd too with how much i fidget and lose focus. in any case i just need to focus one day at a time, starting with drinking more water.