TW: s/h, mention of disturbing images


My family recently decided to get an 8 week old puppy. I thought he was cute, and was relatively excited to get him, but now I have him and I'm realising how terrible of an idea it was. I keep waiting and waiting to go back to normal but it's never gonna happen. I get a lot less alone time, and only really spend time on my own when I'm having complete breakdowns cause he stresses me out.


It has only been three days, and he's making progress and learning already, but he's so hyper and active and that's just not how I am. I can't keep up with him. Every little noise from him makes my heart drop now. Everything feels surreal and wrong ever since I got him, and I genuinely keep thinking ill wake up and it will just be a bad dream. 


Everyone says animals help them. My friends all love and have pets, everyone assumes having an animal around me would help me, but it doesn't. It makes everything a lot worse. I thought i could deal with him but i can't and it's only been a couple of days. I have three other members of my family to help and I STILL can't handle it. 


Because I stressed and tired and depressed, I keep getting intrusive thoughts. Most of them are the usual ones telling me to hurt myself, but some of the more recent ones have been telling me to kill the dog. Of course, I know intrusive thoughts do not dictate actions and they basically just represent things I don't want to do because my brain likes to fuck me over, but it still messes me up. I feel like I'm not safe around him.