I know I'm not assexual, I just always hated people so bad that I've never had any guts for anyone. Everyone sucks and I've never even bothered myself to just seek out sexual relations. At all. And I'm fine with that, don't really care a thing. How would ever \_spread love\_ if I've never known what loves is all about? Hate it.

I just met a girl from my department, she's in my cohort. I don't how or why, but damn I can't take my eyes off of her. She's amazing. And her laugh for some damn f\*cking reason hits me so bad. It's the very -- very -- first time I want to talk to someone in ages. I do want to approach her, have a talk and grab some coffee maybe? I haven't talked to anyone or befriended any human being in 10 years, I spent my whole teenage years on my own. I don't know how to... talk to people anymore. As if I've never lived in society before. I hate myself for that. I knew I was useless, just never figured it out empirically.