Last night, my father called and told me his girlfriend of twenty years (most of my life) passed away. I was sad. This morning I was sad. I wanted to help. I felt helpless in that. I checked in, told him and my stepsister that I’m sorry and I love them, sent them a fruit basket... said I was grateful they aren’t going through this alone. All of that is true.

But then it hit me tonight that he hasn’t said I love you back. He’s grieving and unfocused so it makes sense. But he commented on my stepsister’s post to say he loves her. And suddenly I started obsessing. Why won’t my father say it back? Why do I want to hear it from him so badly? Why does this matter at all right now?

Maybe I’m just a crappy person.