I’ve basically accepted I’m hopelessly in love with my best friend. This has happened before but I feel like I’m actually in love with the person and not the idea of them. Maybe I like the idea of us in a relationship, knowing someone like them  loves someone like me. Proof that I can be loved.

We’re both gay - they’re just so cute and lovely, the kind of person that sends beams of love from their heart to mine. 

We’ve been friends for years and recently we got really cuddly and kissed each other on the forehead. We also keep watching accidentally gay movies lmao

I don’t even want to merge with them or lose myself in them like I used to with people. I just like that we’re each other’s #1s, or that’s what it feels like. I just get very jealous and possessive when they talk about other people, even a work crush.

But they’ve made very clear we’re just close friends and they also live on the other side of the country. Whenever they refer to me as a ‘friend’ I get super agitated because I want to be like their gf in the most open relationship ever. Just have a name that isn’t ‘friend’ because it just feels so deep. Friends can be deep too! But I want to be special to them like they are to me - queerplatonic friend.

We watched Kiki’s Delivery Service and they suggested that the two old women Kiki visits aren’t together but they’re lesbian best friends that swear to take care of each other. I suggested “like us?” and they laughed before citing another couple. 

So I’ve had a lot of splitting behavior of like “now I need to cut them off, never talk to them again, ruin the friendship, make them hate me,”

I really need help with avoiding splitting and not being heartbroken every time they refer to me as “one of [their] friends.” It’s small stakes stuff but this happens a lot more and I just wish I could stop feeling what I’m feeling and keep our friendship pure.