i’m struggling really fucking badly right now like worse than i ever had and i saw a post on here that was similar to how i feel, being more mentally ill than those around you and it being True because bpd is one of the harder and longer.. affecting? mental illnesses and i really don’t know what to do i only got my diagnosis about 3-4 months ago and i’m still trying to overcome just that alone. i’m switching between obsessed and splitting, rage episodes and manic episodes, love and hate for everything in my life. i feel disgusted like literally sick to my stomach when i think about mt life. the shit i’ve gone through and the shit i’ve put other people through. yesterday i almost got admitted but i talked my way out of it. i’m so fucking tired and i just wish the one person im into would reciprocate it and i know how unhealthy my friendship with them is and my attachment to them because i rely on their validation for happiness but i just can’t stand not being that way. i’ve been relapsing every week or so for a while and it’s only been since saturday but i wanna relapse again i don’t even have anything to do it with and i know i shouldn’t because it’s literally me holding on to the last bits of attention, the last bit of care i could get from him and it’s fucking depression obsessive and gross. i can’t fucking stand myself to be completely frank and i wish i was just fuckinf dead already. how do i cope. how do i make healthy choices when it’s the exact opposite of what i want to do