So, I was just casually telling my dad that a neighborhood lady said hi to me and asked me if I'm the new neighbor. When I told her she was just walking by, he said "oh ok, that makes more sense she would say that to anybody if she's walking by" (he thought she drove by at first). Then he went on to say that she was probably flirting with me etc, obviously wanted to get to know me and that it wasn't casual.

A few things bothered me, first the automatic putdown, second is he automatically had to sexualize the interaction I talked about, vs, you know, someone just being friendly or whatever.

Another thing is that he mentioned "they wouldn't have asked me (meaning him) that question." My parents always seem to get competitive or link it back to them no matter what subject I talked about. I feel like I can't tell them anything without some potential putdown or making it about them. Like I just want to feel decent about an interaction without over-analyzing it. With them, it's an obsession about looks/status/or money whatever, interactions can't just be "normal" or whatever.

I've realized something with narcissists. You're either a pile of dung to be discarded, in other words no one could socialize with you on a genuine level, or they put you on a pedestal when they think you have any type of social power, even if it's not necessarily true, and they still think no one could interact with you on a genuine level. It has to be weirdly sexualized or laced with power in some other way. I want to be clear that I don't think conversation I had with the neighbor was charged in that sense, at all, but just how he chose to focus on it.

Honestly, it's like, I constantly ask myself what's the message I'm supposed to take away from these convos? It feels ridiculously competitive/gaslighty. It's this incredibly bizarre mindset where they want to see me as a ghost in the room, yet when I tell them about these casual interactions, they get simultaneously insecure and condescending.

When I have interactions with my dad/mom like this, I have no idea how to view myself, and they've done this seesaw thing with other attributes, like intelligence when I've received positive feedback, or with creative achievements. Like they want to paint me as worthless and the opposite at the same time. They've heavily contributed to this blurry self-image and honestly I don't know how to rid myself of it.