I've recently turned 34 and have always being attracted to women. I am pretty much open to anything, pushing several limits. I'm not sure if this is because I have terrible impulse control, don't care or use it as another form of self harm. 

I've spent the last few months obsessing over sexual acts with men, but feel conflicted as I'm not attract to them l... I guess It's more of an impulse and about the act itself. 

I do feel as though this is troubling my current partner as she believes I won't be faithful. I called an ex in the early hours of the mornjny, although from my perspective it was more about not being alone than a booty call. She had also seperated from her partner of 20 years and I keep having fantasies of the three of us living together in harmony. 

I wish I could just be normal, know who I am and not feel like a complete wreck every day. 

I'm obsessing about this all the time and after more than 30 years on this planet I've realised I'm not quiet sure who I am. 

Xx