I have severe hormonal acne. I've been to the necessary people to help deal with it, I've gotten the necessary creams and medication but it still takes its toll. Especially with how unpredictable it is, just a few days ago before my period I had another flare up. My body is covered in disgusting spots and all I can do is wait until they settle so I can deal with them. My face and neck is covered in acne scars and spots too, it's humiliating and soul crushing having to look at it. Having others look at me, I feel sickened by myself. I hate how people's eyes dart to the scars, how they stare and stare like I'm some foreign creature they've never seen before. 

I hate how fragile the aggressive creams and medication have made my skin. I hate having to wait days on end for skin to heal, having to order hydrocortisone when dermatitis flares up because of the rigid routine I have to maintain that does fuck all in the end. The way I have to watch everything I eat. The way it's fed into my reclusive lifestyle. It's something else for the depression to feed on, and it makes it so unbearable to wake up. To look at myself and see how disgusting I look again and again and again.

I envy my sister, she can eat what she wants, do what she wants to her skin and her skin remains clear. I envy all those girls online with porcelain skin, who've never had to deal with the barbaric and cruel nature of acne. I hate looking at myself and I hate myself so much more since the acne entered my life.