I am an emotional nightmare if you indulge in my bullshit.

I recently cheated on my SO.
For no good reason other than I felt compelled to act.

That's how I always feel. I get a compulsion to act on my emotions and I do. I know it is wrong and I just do it anyway.

Then it's like I'm doing something and thinking about it is an afterthought.

Yet on the other hand I overthink everything so am I really not in control when I do bad things?
And then my brain formulates ways I can get pity and minupulate the situation in my favor.

I think I'm just a passenger in my body :(