I’ve always known that I might have some sort of mild depression or anxiety, I don’t like nor am good at social interactions. But yesterday while on my way home from school I can’t stop crying, tears and all kinds of overwhelming emotions rushed in while I’m trying not to hit someone with my scooter. After I got into my flat, I had an full on mental breakdown. Like ffs this can’t be normal, all the insecurities, bad interactions, everything just rushed in at once. Afterwards I even snapped and freaked out at my cat for refusing a pet, then I feel fine, then another breakdown. I keep mumbling stuff like I didn’t choose to be like this, I actually want to die, etc. 

This is by far one of the worst breakdowns I’ve had, and it happens maybe once per month or two. I feel numb in general, not much emotion, feelings, then everything bursts out over the span of a couple hours as a breakdown. 

I don’t feel comfortable talking to a therapist or any of my friends, but I don’t think this is normal. Should I consider anti-depressions? And btw I’ve been fighting these bad feeling by draining myself in the gym, but I’m forced to take a week of deload due to a minor injury, and it feels terrible, maybe this effected me more that I thought. What can I do guys…