Hi, this is my first time posting on this group. I’ve finally wanted to post to gain support, advice, and different perspectives on how others handle similar anxiety or even generalized anxiety. 

Around 4 months ago now, I (M22) hooked up with someone (M27) whom I met online. It started off doing very safe things. It wasn’t until the fourth time we hooked up that we went a bit further, but still no penetration. At the time I was still questioning myself and just felt I needed to experiment. Since then, I began to have an intense fear that I had an incurable STD like HIV. For the 3 months I was really scared thinking I had HIV. I would get symptoms thinking they were related to the disease (symptoms like little read pimple and flat raised bumps on my chest and arms which itches, little bumps under my skin behind my ears which I have to this day, sore throats, little bumps in my throat, bowel issues, and lack of appetite). I would even do my own research on symptoms relating HIV and other stds which made things worse. Then 3 months later I tested again using a 4th Gen test and i came back negative. I even tested a month later and I still came back negative in early august. Now, my anxiety has reduced but I still think about the what if’s like if the test was a false positive or hiv is dormant. I went back to therapy and I’m using my skills I’ve used there but sometimes it’s a little hard. I even went back to Dr to discuss my symptoms and she didn’t think any of my symptoms are hiv related nor did she think the bumps behind my ear were lymph nodes. 

So I’m just still a little worried, and question whether I have it or not. I’m also worried of passing it anyone too, despite me being negative. Anything advice and support is appreciated! Also I’m sorry for the narrative 😅