TW : disordered eating, just bodies tbh, self harm

I want to preface this by saying I can’t afford therapy right now. This comes in waves but it has been horrible these days.

I have phases where I deal with insane body obsession, ‘awareness’ (or lack thereof I guess), dysmorphia. I FEEL my body constantly surrounding me, uneasy, not corresponding to my idea of it. I touch, grab, body check. I tried on pants of mine some days ago that don’t fit anymore to my surprise (despite being bought in the last winter). This also coincides with me quitting starving, restricting, and embracing food as nutrition. In positive times I accept that my current body is the result of my natural hunger. But these days, I simply cannot deal with the existence of my body. It takes up my entire headspace 24/7, makes me afraid my (very kind, serious) partner will leave me because of past trauma, I can’t stop looking, checking, feeling horrible. I fantasize about cutting off my protruding stomach. I’m going insane and have no energy left to do anything with myself, besides sulk and panic about my body.

Do you guys have tips to distract myself, quit dysmorphic thoughts like that (at least temporarily), advice you’ve heard in therapy? I’m really losing my mind and would appreciate any help :( Or just knowing I’m not the only one experiencing this.