Ever since I seriously tried to commit suicide twice a month or so ago I keep having horrible visions that I can't stop thinking about. The main one is my family finding me dead and just screaming uncontrollably. Some others are me dying in horrible gruesome ways, or seeing my cat squashed in the road and screaming uncontrollably. It is extremely disturbing. I'll feel very apathetic about it for a bit and then just breakdown and repeat.

Additionally I get uncontrollable urges to look up videos of parents talking about their sons committing suicide. 

What could happen if I don't stop this?