I’ve been in a bout of depression for a couple months and have been emotionally all over the place. It contributed to a messy ending of a relationship. I finally recognized what was going on for me so i feel less volatile and just generally sad. The past two weeks when I cry… i don’t think about anything really… just that im sad? 

- the thing is I reached out to this guy because i wanted to explain what was going on with me when it ended as i was kind of hurtful/personal. I didn’t get a chance to before he asked if i wanted to see him again…. 

I have some big issues around telling anyone my biggest feelings- so as i got more depressed I felt I had to break up with him so he wouldn’t see me this way. 

I want to see him… on some level but I dont know for what purpose because I don’t feel anything. I feel like I’d just be this blob he’d be sitting next to whos fake smiling and he’d read into my whole vibe and think I don’t like him. Im also generally a jealous person a little but any of those fears/feelings I had are gone too. 

I haven’t responded, since last night also due to sleep and work but i feel like i made a mistake reaching out when i dont know how to answer this now and dont want to. But that’d make me even more trash.