My long-distance girlfriend (27) in the USA is planning to come for a week to London in January (I’m 23). I have a relatively good feeling about this because unlike borderlines with strong NPD tendencies, she was open from the very beginning about her condition (we started out as friends because we both practice poetry/creative writing, and an admiration for each other’s work essentially became an admiration for each other).

Despite being open about it, I have decided to give this a try, under the condition that she finds therapy. She literally picked up the phone and was dialling places for an entire day, until she found a therapist doing DBT with whom she’ll have the 1st weekly session on Tuesday. She offered to get me in touch with her so I can get “hold her accountable”, but I refused and said that I trust her and as long as she’ll openly communicate with me about the sessions, everything is well.

Today, she got her dream job as a vet back in the USA, and it was her first shift. She didn’t seem to have too much of a fear of abandonment, as we did text throughout the day… but 2-3 times max during that period, as she has to concentrate on work. On the way back from work, she started telling me about everything, and I asked her if she had a happy day. In response to that, she said that she did and that she was watching YouTube videos on how to have a healthy relationship with a borderline, and later on today wants to tell me all about it.

I have a feeling that judging by her actions and thoughts, she is really trying to look past her BPD and tackle it through therapy, whilst making sure that I’m well-informed about her condition. Also, at least with me, she has learned to withhold any withdrawal/resentment episodes and process them in her own space, and then only tell me about whatever triggered it later… which makes things a lot easier for me as that is less drama to deal with.

So I’m wondering, if a borderline actually takes these active steps… then could it work out?