M27 lost my mom 20 years ago. I was 6, early traumas caused by people not being able to comfort me after her dead. Dad was 60 then, never remarried, though I saw him molested someone before. He didn't have the energy to help me and my older brother. He rarely talks about my mom, but when he did, it always felt like he resent her for leaving him looking after 2 kids. My older brother used to take his frustration out on me a lot, physically. I used to help them with stuffs as an effort to mend family relationship but it didn't work like that. I don't talk to neither of them now. They only reach out to me when they need something from me. And my grandparents have passed away before I got to know them. I've gone to more funerals than weddings. 

I once met someone on instagram a year ago. She kept telling about how her 7 years rela ended, how painful it was feeling lonely and thinking she couldn't be loved. I held her and cried though she didn't. Simply because the thought of the void resonated so much within me. The void is one of the oldest feelings I can still remember of my childhood. To see someone suffer from a heartbreak, then looking back at myself watching my only parent wither away. I guess I understand it, though sometimes it makes me feel like no one could remotely relate to my experience or what i'm experiencing. I don't like abandonment, I have scars too, but everything ends with death. 

So are you in your 20s, lost a parent to cancer, and starting to lose the other one to Alzheimer? How do you stop thinking about the big stop sign ahead?