My parents are deeply religious and believe that mental illnesses are caused by demons, and God can heal everything if you ask him. They’re so far gone that they think people can even be raised from the dead with just the touch of a “spirit-filled” hand

Probably needless to say, I haven’t been doing so great and this is a big part of it. I have severe anxiety, trauma, I dissociate a lot… the biggest concern I have rn though is that I keep hurting myself, consciously and unconsciously

It’s nothing really big, I think. I pick at my skin a lot to the point where it bleeds.

I’m not sure if this is self-harm exactly. I don’t do it because I want to. I don’t think I do anyway ;; I find it satisfying but at the same time I hate that I do it and have tried to stop many times. It almost feels like I have to keep doing it at this point. I feel restless when I don’t. I always catch myself rubbing over the wounds to see if scabs have formed yet.

I do it while I sleep too, and have nightmares where I’m always getting hurt, then I wake up clawing at myself

I know I need help, but I just don’t have access to that rn. Nothing that I’d be comfortable with. I know that my parents would either brush it off and tell me to pray, or take me directly to a priest to pray for me. Hell, they might even take me to a therapist that believes in the same things they do (they work for a big ministry and that ministry has connections). They did it to my sisters

One of the only things that helps is playing video games (very distracting yk?), but sometimes I’m not even allowed to do that

I’m not sure what to do anymore ;;