Did you never stop to consider that maybe you need to work on underlying issues? Your childhood, your trauma, figuring out the causes, establishing lines of connection from the past to the now? 

I get psychotic features from time to time and it's why I admitted myself to taking CBD oil which greatly reduces the paranoia. 

But it artificially boosts my mood, it makes me irritable and it feels as if I'm just living next to my mind. 

Psychotherapy has helped me much, much better and faster so far and the difference is that it feels *real*. I don't care what I have to sacrifice in order to recover, I want the real me and not some version of me that is constructed and perfected by various chemicals I take.

When grieving my childhood, I get better because I learn how to process the traumatic events. I don't learn how to process it by not being able to grieve because there is a chemical in my body that doesn't allow me to be sad.

I often can't help but get mad at people who list 5 different medications they take and wonder when, oh when, they will finally live a good life. Sorry for the rant, needed to get that out.