Hey guys, 
Honestly I don't know where to post this at all. I feel pretty unwelcomed in whatever forum I post it in. 
I posted [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/637tjt/my_self_diagnosed_bpd_is_ruins_relationships_for/) a few days ago out of panic. And a lot of you guys were telling me that I was to blame for ruining the relationship. 
I thought a lot about it and I drafted an apology letter. I feel really bad for how I reacted to him. I don't know if I should send it to him since things left off badly and I appeared :


Hey, I have put some thought into it and I just wanted to apologize for what I said Sunday and most of the past few weeks. I was not in a good state mentally when I sent you all those things and it probably stressed you out.  You don't have to respond to this at all, but I am sorry that I used my experiences from the past to assume the worse with you. As you know I haven't had the best past with men and I will work on to improve that whoever I am with next instead of taking that and my insecurities out on them.  I had no idea that I was doing it and was blaming you when you clearly didn't need that because of work.

I probably shouldn't have exposed all my issues to you that early and I also apologize for that. I just felt like I had a bond with you, and you accepting my issues meant a lot to me. I shouldn’t have pressured you so much to see you especially after your bad review, especially when all you wanted was to vent without me telling you what to do like you friends and parents were. I was just hurt that you didn't want me to visit you and I took that as a sign of you not being into me (again my experiences) 


For the most part I think there was a lack of communication, and I had trouble being able to empathize with you. I mentioned that I felt and thought that I was emotionally invalidated when truthfully I was doing that exact thing to you.  


When I asked for those breaks, It was because I did not know what to do. I haven't had the best experiences in the past, as I mentioned, and I thought that doing that would make you realize how much I meant to you when it had the opposite effect. I won't reach out to you anymore, but you did mean a lot to me and I care about you. You were so sweet to me and treated me so well, cared about me and all the little things you did for me i really appreciated. the moment you stopped, I took it badly, and I had the thought that you were not interested and reacted in an unhealthy way that made it worse. 


Well anyways, this was long, but I wanted to say again how I am sorry, it has been such a hectic time for me. I am seeing a therapist, started a new medication and working on it. You weren't exactly in the best place either and I apologize that I wasn't empathetic to that. Hopefully someday we can be civil and things will work out again and if it does hopefully our communication will be better and I will learn to react and communicate my emotions in a healthier way.   
