It is so beyond difficult to convey your depression to those who don’t understand what it feels like, and you’d never want them to feel it, but it creates this huge disconnect from the rest of the world on a deeper internal level. Nobody knows that I wake up anxious, and miserable. That if I’m not working I can’t bring myself to get out of bed and do the simplest and I mean the SIMPLEST of things. Even working is a huge deal for me because of the commitment of showing up when I don’t have a grasp on showing up for myself. I have good days sometimes, but I don’t even label the “bad” days bad days anymore. It’s just my life. I have so many blessings, so many privileges others don’t have, but I wake up exhausted. I’ve got nothing to give. The only time I feel something other than nothing is if I’m drinking, and that NEVER has ended well for me. It’s like this constant state of anxiety and fear and shame and embarrassment and guilt and things I’d never wish on my worst enemy. And that’s my life, lol.