I’m in NJROTC NS1 (as a sophomore, not a freshman) and I only got an 88–

But change of command is next week :( 
(When the seniors pick new staff for next year)

And on my last inspection I had gotten a 99– I think I might’ve had help with the Jbar/Rank measurements but I think I might’ve done them myself…? I can’t remember honestly (it was last week) but I thought I had improved :( I’ve been struggling with my measurements all year, and I always spend so long measuring and remeasuring but it’s like the ruler is always wrong and my inspectors always say I’m too high or too low or off centered 😪 and it’s not like they haven’t taught me how to do it because I’ve been asking for help ;-; the Company Officer himself has helped me several times and I still can’t get it right 😭 it just hurts because I thought I had finally improved :(

And now I’m worried it’ll look like I lied during the interview, because when asked if I thought I deserved to be promoted to take the staff position I applied for (the really high ones need you to be a Cadet Officer rank and they said to aim high, so I did even though I’m only an E3 and and NS1) I stated that I always keep my bearing and always try to have my best military etiquette but also that I thought I was at a place where I was getting higher 90’s now so I figured my measurements were at a place where I could deserve to be promoted like that 

But this 88 basically tanks that, I feel like I lied 😭 and I only just remembered that I once swore during PT when frustrated and today I swore in uniform because the AP stats exam is coming up and some things were still confusing to me, so now I’m not even sure my etiquette is good enough to be promoted to officer :,(

I’m just anxious that they’ll think I lied on purpose during the interview and that I’ll never be worthy of a higher staff position 😭

And some of the other NS1’s with ambitions just as high as mine are all doing doing much better :,( two of them have even gotten challenge coins from Master Guns, which is incredible and they deserved that— I just feel like I should be doing so much better than I am though considering that I’ve been doing it a whole year now…

I know that’s not the whole story (insert other failures and successes and excuses for not doing as well as I could be) but idk I hear talking about it helps so I’m posting