Lately I feel like my bpd is ruining everything. I had a baby almost six months ago and I feel like my meds just aren’t working anymore. I would try to get a new script or even seek therapy but I don’t have good health insurance. So here I am. I feel like no matter what I do or say it isn’t good enough or it ruins a good day when it comes to my boyfriend and I. If I say something with an attitude it blows up into a fight. Half the time I don’t even realize I’m doing it. If he asks what’s wrong and I tell him ‘nothing’ before telling him the actual reason it turns into a fight about what I’m doing wrong instead of confronting about what is actually wrong. If I say how I’m feeling he will take it as me blaming him for why I’m feeling a certain way (which is not my intention at all.) idk maybe I’m just rambling and sound ridiculous but I feel like there’s just so many stupid things that I do that will eventually lead to him leaving me (that’s my fear at least). Ever since having our daughter my emotions have been all over the place. I’ve started to have suicidal thoughts again.. and I feel super detached from reality. I’m just tired of feeling like everything I do or say isn’t the right thing and idk how to make it stop. I want to be better and not have my bpd be the cause of every fight. I just don’t know how to turn off my mind.