This is my first time posting on this subreddit... but here it goes.


I've been struggling with depression for a long time. At first it was the classic suicidal trudge. I thought often about ending it and almost did one day. I didn't believe I'd make it to Highschool graduation. 

Slowly, my depression changed. I suppose I did too. But the most drastic changes came when quarante hit. Normally my anxiety rules my days throughout school and work. But as soon as my typical anxiety inducers were gone, I found that my depression took the wheel. Where I used to worry about how I looked and my weight, my depression told me that it was pointless and that I couldn't make it better. I gave up on trying to improve myself. Hobbies were basically forgotten. I stopped talking to almost all of my friends and I didn't want to talk to or see anybody. 

I slowly stopped caring.

And then yesterday, I had an appointment with an orthodontist and I got braces put on for the second time in my life. Now I'm sitting in excruciating pain and stress as everyone expects me to better myself but I just can't bring myself to care. 

I feel almost as if I leveled up my depression. Level one found hope in death.
Level two lost all hope entirely.

But anyway. Anyone else feeling the same? Have any recommendations?