I'm not saying this as a joke, but sometimes I scare this shit out of myself. I can't control my thoughts and I've been struggling with depression for a while now, I wouldn't call it depression but I just feel like everyone Lost faith in me and that hurts me but not to "killing myself" level as I never had suicide thoughs before, but sometimes I hate my own thoughs which are worse than suicide itself. Sometimes I talk alone and I feel like someone's listening but it's only me and sometimes it gets worse, but today it took another level: so I was home at around 12-1PM getting ready to go back to school (in my country we study from 8PM to 12PM then from 2PM to 6PM), when I accidentally cut my finger while making something to eat nothing serious, I ate and went back to my room and sat for about 2 min staring into the nothingness just to get up, go the kitchen, pick up the knife and start cutting my palm aggressive while a towel is in my mouth, it kept going for a solid 10min until I've realized what I've done and now I'm worried...or scared that I'll do something similar or worse to me or someone else.
Any idea of what I'm facing here please? Thanks in advance.