I’m a 30F with a long string of past unhealthy relationships. I was also diagnosed with BP1 at 28, and have experienced several severe manic episodes in my life.

I finally met a wonderful person who - for the first time - I feel I’m in a *truly* healthy relationship with.

But, I really screwed up.

I did tell him - actually the day we met - that I have BP1 and, anecdotally, explained to him with that meant for me. I have been very stable for almost a year, however, I realized last night… around 4AM, as I was frantically cleaning our home (we live together), that I was most likely in a hypomanic state… I know… duh. -_-

He got up, came into our living room, and when I told him I couldn’t sleep he went back into our bedroom and turned on the TV. When I came in, he was sitting up, wide awake, and told me he couldn’t sleep either. He said it in a way that hit me hard in stomach… he didn’t mean it maliciously, but in that moment I realized I’d really messed up. He was, justifiably distressed by my behavior, and it was simply because I’d made it seem like my BP wasn’t a part of my life… I never suggested that he educate himself/even sent him an article or two…and I never made it clear that he could ask me any questions he had, and that I would always be open to communicating with him about it if he wanted to talk.

I feel like it’s been so long… an amazing, stable, long while that we’ve been together now… but that it’s so far in that, despite my doing all of this above this morning, it came too late. 

Just looking for some words of support at this point. I’m also feeling ALL THE FEELS right now, because - while I have contacted my psychiatrist and augmented my medication schedule to address the blatantly evident hypomania, and made an appointment with my therapist for later today - yeah, I’m in the midst of a hypomanic episode, and yeah it sucks.

P.S. This man has some kind of magic powers! Last night when I came into the bedroom, I climbed into bed with him, and while he quietly watched GoT, I was asleep within 5 minutes. 🤷🏼‍♀️ He genuinely treats me well - something I’m not used to and don’t expect - and has so much patience… I think it’s just knowing I’m next to someone safe that lets me just… let go. I love him so very much, and it would destroy me to lose him because I failed to responsibly communicate with him.