TW: Descriptions of anxiety and anxious feelings

People in my life keep taking it personally when I am having an anxiety attack. They get angry at me for reacting too emotionally and say that I’m being dramatic or trying to get attention. They can’t comprehend that my inconsolable state has nothing to with them, but with the world inside my mind. Things that seem small to them send me into a spiral of worry and self hatred. It’s not that I’m angry, it’s that I can feel my heart burning when I make a mistake or when I’m running late or when anything seems like it might go wrong. I can feel my stomach tying itself into knots and my face hot with shame as I try to figure out what is so terribly wrong with me that I can’t just calm down. Sometimes even when nothing is wrong, I can’t get out of bed because the voice of anxiety is stronger than my own and I fear every step I take will be the wrong one. I can’t clean my room. I can’t leave the house. I can’t have a conversation sometimes without it turning into an argument with whoever is trying to get me to calm down. I can’t calm down. I hate the monster anxiety is turning me into, and the fact that nobody understands.