I have and have had a lot of friends. I can tell they feel a connection, or like they feel like they’re close to me, some have even said it, but i dont feel the same. Some i’ve known since i was a child, some only like few years.

We have fun, share stuff, etc, but still feels like they’re miles away and i dont feel this closeness that other people describe they do. I hug them because i know when they want to, but i dont like it. I listen to their problems and show empathy, but it’s like a role. I honestly dont care about their problems, and i feel guilty about that. If i never saw them again, i would not be sad, more like relieved.

After i see them i usually feel alone and sad, then guilt about not feeling like they do, then shame and anger. I usually cut, throw up, etc after seeing them to punish myself for not feeling ”like i should”, and get rid of the guilt and shame.

Anyone else feel the same?