I don't think I'm strong enough to survive my life right now. I can't move on from my past relationships. My family moved out last May. I didn't have anyone before them, and 15 years later, I don't have anyone now.

I was strong for the months following, despite moving out of my apartment, staying in a spare bedroom, and commuting by bike every morning to work. I have chronic health issues so I'm reliant on this job I took 12 years ago for medical insurance. I don't love it here, and I only started the job to support my family. But now that they're gone, I don't have much energy left to pursue a new career.

After they left, I started a plan to reboot my life, rebuild emotional autonomy, and carry on. But that strength has faded. And I'm struggling with whether I even want to continue on. I simply can't see past this point in my life.

I have a few major mental roadblocks that I've struggled with since I was young. And I've made a lot of effort, through therapy and self care over the years. But every day is a struggle. Every minute, even. I've been at war inside for so long, so many years. And I'm tired. I feel like I don't have much strength left. I feel like I caught lightning in a bottle a couple times in my life with two people I loved, and now it feels like I can't recover from losing them. I'm beside myself with grief. And my resilience that has kept me alive for so long is ebbing.