My Mother married a man when I was 5. As a child, he beat me, degraded me, and openly hated me until he kicked me out when I was 17. I am almost 60. He died 3 weeks ago. I cried.

He left behind my Mom, his 2 Sons, my older brother (same dad as me) and me. Older brother openly hates the family and left because of the abuse. No contact there.

Dad did VERY well in life. He made literally millions and had the respect of his community. No one ever knew he hated me. My mother lives in a cloud of ignorance and leads a carefree life driving $100K cars, traveling, not working for 5 decades, and living in 5000 sq ft. houses. She is legitimately sad her husband passed, but is just fine with her quality of life and how she got there. 

I received no support in life. I went to school, earned a business career, and I make a decent living. I’m old, tired, and I have little to show for it after 3 kids that needed medical care, college, and a future. I have to keep working for at least another decade, probably more like 15 years. I vacation occasionally, taking budgeted  trips with wife/kids. My job is my life and I’m so tired. But I realize things could be worse.

My 2 younger brothers (dads kids) retired immediately after college. Never treated poorly. Given houses, cars, and enough money to live very well. They worked little (at jobs their dad got them) or not at all and relax in life raising their families and enjoying the fruits of their father’s success.

When Obama became president, scared that there might be a death tax on estates, Dad set up a trust where he gave away assets to the kids. He wanted to give it all to his 2 boys, but Mom said half of it is hers and she wants all 4 of us (his 2 and also my older bro and I) to be represented. So it is set up this way:

Dads half of trust: goes to his 2 kids
Moms half of trust: goes to her 4 kids

For every $1 I get, brothers get 3. They each get 3/8 and I (and Brother) get 1/8. 

I am thankful. I really am. This money (not enough for me to live on, but not an insubstantial amount) eventually allowed me the down payment on a house. It bought Xmas gifts for my kids on occasion. It made life easier.

This kept me near the family. My older bro left a long time ago and has no contact, collecting the money without as much as a thank you. I chose to grow my career and that kept me in the city near the family. All this time my Mother has professed her love for me while standing next to a man who openly berated me and repeatedly told me I am not good enough. 

I just found out that my 2 younger brothers are receiving $5Mil each from an investment liquidation. I won’t lie, that hurts. 

My brothers are good people who love well because they are lucky. I have no hate towards them and we get along. They now manage all the money. 

I feel like I am given just enough to keep me nearby, but told to fuck off the rest of the time. I feel like, even in death, this man has his grip on me. I feel like my quality of life is largely because of the pittance I receive while I watch my younger brothers relax, travel, and live opulent lives. 

I told a friend yesterday that it’s like my Dad pays me just enough to say thank you to him while he shits on my face. Even with him gone, I will be forever less of a person even though I am literally the only one in my family who has had a job in the last decade and I am the only one who built a career. 

I am clearly depressed. I want to leave, but my career prevents that. I won’t do anything rash because I’m a pussy and my kids need me. 

Am I ungrateful? I feel like I have more than most and that I should shut the fuck up and be happy about it.