I worked extremely hard for 2 years to reach a point where I was promoted to lead a big project that I owned from the start. 

I was so excited and committed to it that it became all I was. I was working 16hr days and still not getting my work finished. I wasn't good at asking for help, I couldn't stay on top of it all and stay organized. 

I was becoming exhausted and burnt out in May/June in preparation for the launch in August, and now I am through to the other side and my anxiety and burnout has completely overwhelmed me. I am still responsible for managing the ongoing project with big goals and many many partners involved. 

On December 12th, I broke down with my HR, then with my manager who told me he didn't believe in anxiety, would have no sympathy for me unless someone was sick, to go to yoga and get a gratitude journal.

I took 2 weeks sick leave, and added another 2 weeks personal leave in the hope that I would come back refreshed and able to handle things again. 

I am due to go back to the office tomorrow, it's 3am and I have spent the last hour finding a psychiatrist appointment to provide me more sick leave as I am fighting panic attacks.

I am aware that there are big issues with the project and I believe that I am going to have to resign as the anxiety has taken over my life making it impossible to do even daily tasks. I will be messing up my career, messing up the company and the team. I am so disappointed in myself that I have collapsed. 

It makes me feel like a coward, like I am afraid of hard work, like I am weak. Are these stigmas of anxiety or am I really just a coward, afraid fo fail? 

My partner and close friends support me 100% to resign if it means  I put  my mental health ahead of anything, but I just cannot let it go that I am a coward and a failure. Even if I resign I am still going to feel like this. How do I escape this?