Let me start from the beginning (you can make a tea, no idea how long this is going to be lol).

My best friend, let's call her V, and I met in 2019 (oh, important to mention - we are internet friends, never met in person, but videocall quite often). Back then we were both kinda depressed and helped each other a lot.

When I first met her, I instantly thought of her as a god (like i do with every best friend I ever had). She was in my eyes perfect, kind, cute, smart. But one thing I liked the most was that she agreed with me in most things, at least that's what I thought. I got self-confident quicker than her, so whenever we has a discussion about political stuff, she just quietly agreed and I liked it, because I thought I'm just correct.

However as the time passed by, she became less vulnerable and started stating her opinions that clashed with mine. You know how people with BPD have black and white view of the world? Yeah, that sucks a lot. I come from a central european country, where until 1989 used to be communism and since I was little I was told that communism is bad. But she got a boyfriend who is a communist. And since this moment it only goes down.

She told me "If you want me to breakup with him, I will" but at first I was like "No, I won't be manipulative like this, let me just talk to him". So I made a groupchat, us 3, and asked him politely questions about communism and his views. At first, everything fine. But then, when I started disagreeing, he started calling me capitalist and fascist. He literally made it only capitalism x communism, he totally ignored my views about universal minimum wage, education and healthcare.

I started getting more impatient and kept insulting V. I told her to breakup many times, but she didn't. I kept reminding her that she broke a promise. I kept telling her horrible things and even to kys (I've never done that before, I always thought it was the worst thing to do, but now I did it... and didn't feel bad).

Few months later - still the same. I send a post or article just to start a fight, insult V and hope to make her see how dumb he is and make them breakup. I am convinced that she has no mind on her own. The fights are: me vs her boyfriend and she is a victim of my rage. However, as the time goes by, it changes. It's me vs her, she has the same opinions as him. Now I don't want her to breakup, I want her to break herself. I hate her so much. It's never gonna fix.

Just d*e. You know how bad he is? You're nothing but a liar. You never cared. You broke a promise. Everyone hates you. No one likes you. *blocked her*

...

Please don't leave. I love you. I didn't mean it. You're the only one I trust in my life. We are best friends.

And she has always forgiven me. No matter how bad it was, no matter how long, she always forgave me and made me feel better.

Until now.

She was the only one who had this much patience with me. I hate her, I really do. Her views, I can't tolerate it! I love my country and I trust it, I know the history. I just want back the girl I met in 2019.