I've been bullied for most of my whole life, but recently I feel like I'm in autopilot every time I get bullied. I don't know how to describe it, I just want to feel the bullying and what they say and do to me so I'll have an actual reason to feel sad and shit. I just feel guilty whenever I think about this kind of stuff, so i wish I could just feel something negative, like bullying or pain or I don't fucking know how I feel I hate talking about this kind of stuff, I'm just getting it off my chest in a way I won't have to talk to anyone at school about this