I’m living at home w my parents and so i go to school and im in survival mode and when I get home im still in survival mode. I don’t even pay attention to my appearance anymore and today it really crossed my mind... and I’m like 100% convinced nobody would ever want to be friends with me or date me because I have no idea who the fuck I actually am and I’m so unconfident and I feel fake most of the time. I have just gotten some of this self care stuff down but I realized I have absolutely nobody in my life and I can only describe the way I’m living my life right now as playing a game. Like I feel so disconnected from everything and I’m so scared of pursuing anything because i don’t wanna be rejected or hurt or mess up and I’m just trying to make it though this last year and a half of school and get the fuck out of this hell hole. I’m kind of rambling but I really feel so out of place and disconnected because I haven’t had a real friendship for like most of my life :(