I’m 30F for reference. My mother came to see me via plane all the way across the U.S. I told her not to come, but she missed me and just had to I guess. She came with a small bag full of gifts for me, was all excited and within 10 minutes I pissed her off. She was starving and wanted to eat breakfast and I told her we weren’t going to eat at a restaurant because of Corona and where I am at, there’s not much for outdoor seating. I said we could get fast food drive thru, which she didn’t want. After a few minutes, she called me a chicken, and I started getting irritated and told her she needs to respect my feelings/opinions (which she hardly ever did growing up). 

Things escalated, she starting crying, and told me to take her back to the airport. I did swear at her, which pissed her off even more, at which point she opened the car door (that was moving slowly as I had just been at a stop sign) and walked back to the airport to catch a flight back. All this literally within 10 or 15 minutes. 

I feel awful and terrible especially since she flew all this way to see me and I could have prevented it. Would eating at a restaurant have been that bad? Probably not. I feel like I was being petulant just to irritate her. I do miss her too, as I haven’t seen her in a very long time, and I can’t get past what I did to her. 

So I’m going to put my phone down to self harm, but I’m not sure how to amend the relationship with my mother and also how to forgive myself (I did call her about 15 times after this, and even paid to park at the airport and wandered around looking for her. I was hoping I could catch her before she went to the gate.)