**Backstory -- skip this part if you want.** I wound up gaining about 25 pounds over the past couple years as a result of being sidelined with an  exercise-related injury. I ended up with cubital tunnel syndrome after continuously pushing myself way too hard in the gym.  I needed surgery to fix it, and I was supposed to go through physical therapy to complete the recovery process. 

That's where the BPD comes in. I know I need the PT to fix my elbows so I can get back to lifting and losing weight, but I just don't care enough. Well, maybe it's not that so much as it is the fact that I know it'll suck to start all over and I'm afraid I'll just wind up hurt again. 

That same apathy is sabotaging my efforts to eat at a caloric deficit. Some days I'll eat how I'm supposed to, some days I just don't care enough to count calories and I'll end up eating because I don't have better coping mechanisms. I'm pretty sure the Trazodone isn't helping, either. 

I know it'll be easier to lose weight when I start to manage my BPD better, but I just got put on Seroquel and I have yet to "click" with a therapist.  I know that it's just cosmetic weight loss I need to do because I'm just barely over a normal BMI and I don't have any weight related health problems, but I have enough trouble valuing myself as a person without the knowledge that my muscles have been replaced by fat. 

Losing weight is a simple concept -- eat fewer calories than you burn -- but it's incredibly difficult in practice when you still haven't recovered fully from an injury and you're not yet able to manage a serious mental illness. 

I don't know if I'm sad or angry. Can anyone relate?

**EDIT: Thank you all so much for reading my post and replying with your experiences and/or advice. I'm so grateful for this community.  I don't often have good ideas, but making this post was definitely one of my better ones.**