So a while ago I was convinced I was a psychopath, I kept reading the symptoms, watching videos and to an extent I almost wished I was a psychopath. I wished this because I suffer from percecutory delusions and felt like if I was a psychopath I wouldn't care. I almost tried to convince myself I was one. It was like OCD yet at the same time I wanted to be it. Or a sociopath. Is it me trying to look for an identity? 

I wonder if I have narcassistic traits or antisocial traits or another issue altogether because I have anger issues and sometimes I enjoy feeling resentment for everyone. Maybe it's a defense so I can be happy alone or so I don't open myself up for rejection again. I like the idea of being alone, unaffected by anyone, but other times I just miss the way I used to be and feel guilt over having this hate in my heart. I feel hurt and abandoned to the point of not wanting to go through it again, but I miss people.