Yea, I have some suicidal thoughts, but they aren't unbereable or anything. But I have had times when my suicidal thoughts were almost gone, but it still didn't change the fact that I didn't enjoy living. I have my suicidal thoughts under control, but no matter what I do I never enjoy live. I tried some things:guitar, work, started university, played football, was making music, and more. But none of these things gave me any genuine joy. Most of the things I mentioned were giving me joy in the very first days, and then it was gone. Then it was 0 pleasure, 0 joy. No matter what I do nothing gives me pleasure or joy, and if it does, then it always goes away sooner or later. No idea what should I do now. Tried going for walks too, it's not bad, but it doesn't make me love life. Really have no idea what to do. Of course I haven't mentioned everything, and there's been more things I've done. But none of these things worked, and usually those things were giving me pleasure in the beginning, but after some time it was gone. Right now it's like:I don't wanna die, but still don't enjoy living. I have no idea what to do next. Tried meds, but they just made me numb to everything. Meds took my suicidal thoughts away for some time, but I still felt 0 pleasure or joy, and was just indifferent to everything around me, it even took my anger away, but just because I was too tired to even feel angry. Been seeing a therapist for 10 months, 2 different psychiatrists, but the only thing that changes is my suicidal thoughts. Sometimes I'm more suicidal, sometimes it's almost gone. But my joy and pleasure never come back. No matter what I do or try I still find 0 joy in life.