Probably just going to vent. I have some anxiety where I find it incredibly difficult to talk about issues and even doing this is pushing me, which I think is a good thing to do.

Anyway, Ive been done school a year. Done my first year of college. And Im not living the worst life but I wouldnt say im satisfied. I life in the countryside where theres no public transport and no friends accessible by foot which makes having a social life tough. For my teenage years I mostly made up for it through games and tv shows.

Im really into good stories and growing up finding a new favourite felt like a new way of living and could keep me satisfied for months. Nowadays its largely the same but It doesnt really do the same, Ive had that experience too many times and it feels like theres no more meaningful life lessons to learn. I mean, life is all learning and all but now what I really want is to just have a good social life again. 

During school I at least had a bus to the nearby town every day and I was getting up to whatever I shouldnt have been getting up too, but thats done now and Ive also mellowed out a lot since then. I struggle to be fun or interesting talking to anybody outside 3 or so friends and those are also the ones that happen to be the hardest to meet, and Im struggling to find more to fill that gap. Same for a relationship, I havent been in a meaningful one since before covid and when I downloaded an app like tinder all I found were people wanting a quick hookup. Meeting up otherwise feels like a no go, as much as I like the idea I am absolutely incapable of joining up with a new club on my own, it absolutely has to be with a friend and theres no other way around it. But in turn, thats tough because I havent many friends nearby to do these things with. And again even then I cant really do anything right now because of where I live anyway.

And right now the summer break is a pain. Im working a few times a week (less than Id like to honestly) but apart from that Im a slob. I try my best to eat healthy but unless I follow really strict eating I dont lose weight like Id like to because I have such little activity in my day. And Whenever I want to do anything It feels so hard, like im being weighed down. Getting up from bed, talking, or even playing a game or watching TV can feel like effort. Ive found playing my guitar to feel the same too recently which was an escape for a while for me too. 


Anyway, I could go on forever but it feels good to get it all out I guess.