Hi there. 

I've been lurking for a bit, loving every minute of it!

So recently, as in yesterday but it feels like forever because that's just how life works apparently, I started thinking about the personality chameleon thing. One time one of my friends told me about it, and I thought it was something they made up. It wasn't until a few days ago where I actually learned that it was a real thing. 

Last night I was thinking about it, and I realized that I actually think about my friends as they think about me. Not only adapting to their own interests, but the level of trust and openness with each other is almost the same. Maybe this is part of the chameleon and I am unaware, but still, it's kinda neat. Someone who has a slight crush on me, I will already have a slight crush on them. Someone who enjoys talking to me at the time, then dislikes me behind my back, same thing happens. Any combination of stuff, I think the same. This mostly happens with peers, but it's happened with some older people as well. 

So as I was thinking about this, I suddenly had a mini anxiety attack, which made me think about the idea that I don't actually love a certain girl the way I expected. We live far apart, so we cannot date, but we promised each other that as soon as we could meet in person, we would try it out. So basically, my new fear is that I only love her because she loves me, and that's not fair to her in my opinion. 

I know a lot of solutions to the chameleon are "learn to be yourself when you are alone" but I don't know how to do that. I try to play games, read books, or do anything at all. The only thing I have that is "mine" is the music I listen to. Other than that, nothing brings me interest unless someone else enjoys it and I'm with them. I've tried everything I could think of, but I have no motivation to do it. Not because it's too difficult, but just because I don't want to. So with this in mind, I am not sure if I love her like I once thought I do. When alone, everything is just blank, in a limbo, or just flatline. 

So is it fair for her if I am like this? If something happens and we cannot talk for an extended period of time, which happens regularly, I begin to have thoughts that she is meaningless to me. But when we talk, everything seems peachy and lovely and I can't imagine any other way. 

&amp;#x200B;

Sorry for the essay. I just have a lot on my mind now and today marks another one of those days where my emotions go up a notch. Also sorry for sounding like a sad confused teenager. It's not far from the truth, but still...

&amp;#x200B;

tl;dr - I like a girl and she likes me but I am scared that I only like her because I am doing a "personality chameleon"/"mirroring" to her and her emotions. If I am indeed doing this, is it fair to her? 