As the title says ever since my last episode I’ve been having lucid dreams about the events of my episode even while depressed. I don’t think these thoughts while awake and they don’t affect my daily routine. But I keep dreaming I’m trapped in a purgatory like reality which is why I have anxiety and all the bad stuff that happens in my life and the devil keeps scaring me and teasing me. Then I get the courage to beat the devil and God guides me out the door and there is this bright warm golden yellow light everywhere and a voice says congratulations you made it to heaven but then I hear other voices like “Quick he’s waking up” and my wife “Why baby, why did you do this” and I feel my wrists are slit and blood is flowing out and it feels cool and then I cry “not like this, I don’t want to go to heaven like this. I don’t want to die.”

I don’t know what to make of it, again its just a dream but its recurring and is about things that I was afraid of in my episode. I am not and have never truly been suicidal. I haven’t tried or anything. It’s just scary as hell to wake up form a dream like that.

Does anyone else deal with this? How do you handle it? How do you cope?