My fp is my ex and also happens to be the worst thing for me because he's not supportive, nor is he very nice at times. 

He says I have too many rules and boundaries and anyone would get sick of it. Prompted by asking him to leave my boobs alone at 2am while half asleep because I 'never just let him do what he wants'. I can apparently do what I want but he can't. I don't really feel the need to grab his balls - they're fun but not like playing with them often fun. He claims he doesn't do this but every cuddle leads to it and I'm sick of it. But that's all in my head, according to him. Why can't him thinking I always say no (I don't) be in his head? I don't feel like just having my tits as stress balls every night I'm with him. I think that's fair, he doesn't. 

He's sick of a friendship with so many rules. So here I am sitting outside having a smoke because I don't know how to handle this level of fucking breakdown over tits. There's no suggestion of staying friends without it or working a compromise because why would I be worth that? Why would I be deserving of someone who isn't just around for sex? After 4 years of sticking through his crap this is what I come down to. He sticks with my crap so he can have easy sex - my friendship clearly isn't enough. 

I feel like it's not my issue since he's always been 'lonely' and has signed up to sex sites and shit before and during our relationship. It's like he needs sexual attention to feel good about himself probably because he always said how hard it is to talk to girls etc. 

But this breaks my heart. I still have feelings for him where I clearly am hardly worth enough as a person for him to want to be friends. Don't I deserve better than that? Or am I actually delusional here? I find myself becoming more and more alone with less and less friends. I don't know what to do or even think. 