Okay so I think I have a problem. 

This is going to be a rant so ignore if you’d like, the support would be nice though.

So I tend to run into this problem a lot. Here’s a story that happened recently: 

I was kinda bored and kinda curious at the same time. So I asked a question (I could’ve phrased it better). We then got into an argument. After awhile the argument was hurting the both of us so I apologized. But the other person didn’t. So I continued to ping them in the groupchat and asked for mutual respect. They said they were really overwhelmed. My reasoning is I’m overwhelmed too. I managed to apologize so they should apologize too because mutual respect. Because what’s the point of an apology then? They asked me 5 times to stop pinging them. But I felt I should get an apology. Currently, the groupchat is on mute because I saw other people are jumping in to be on the side of that person. Not me. I did everything right and apologized. Why am I the bad guy? The other person should be the bad guy because they won’t show humility and respect for another human. I get it. I should’ve stopped when they told me to stop. But I already apologized and I’m not going to look like I’m an ass-kisser. I showed my vulnerable side and apologized. Shouldn’t they also show respect and apologize? I can’t make anyone apologize. But I feel like it’s a social understanding to apologize after a disagreement. 
I’m starting to think I should just never apologize again when I get into a disagreement. Or at least, not apologize first. Because why should I allow myself to get into such a vulnerable position when they’re not going to acknowledge it?

I feel as though I am being aggravating and aggressive. I don’t mean to be those things. Whenever something like this happens it reminds me of the fights I would have with my ex. He would say I’m naggy and aggravating and too much. I just don’t know what to be! 

Do I bother caring anymore? Do I bother apologizing anymore? Apologizing is the right thing to do but some people don’t seem to understand that. I feel like it’s better to be safe than sorry and not apologize. Or at least, don’t apologize first. 

As for being “naggy” and “aggravating”, maybe I just block those people out of my life? Because if I ignore and avoid them, I’ll never have to deal with them saying I’m too aggravating or naggy. Thus, I won’t get hurt. 

I feel like I’m being too emotional about all this. Is this even BPD? Maybe I’m just a crazy person who should be put in a mental hospital. 

This is a long post but I needed somewhere to get this off my chest.