I'm absolutely terrified of going to anyone about my depression/suicidal ideation.
 1 because I feel its utterly pointless because no one outside of some sort of obligation will care 
2 because I feel like  hate me and try to distance themselves as well as other people from me and finally because they won't know what to do and end up making me feel worse. I just think if I do it subtly they won't feel like I'm trauma dumping or exploding emotionally on them and if they think they're the ones to incite talking about it they might find the desire to care.

 I know, it's completely pathetic...but so am I what do you expect from a total piece of worthless antisocial shite who can't stay happy for more than an hour?