I’m just so tired of it, it’s always the same cycle. Mum and my “father” will have a good time, usually on a weekend vacation, then they’ll get home, Mum will be all happy. Then that night my father will start a fight. Then the next morning, she’s in the living room sobbing, trying to pretend she’s ok. I’ll tell my brother to be nice to her, he’ll ask why, I’ll say it’s because of our father, and he’ll sigh, because it always is.

He can never let her be happy.

I had been having a hard time with reality lately, I’m not sure what’s real and what isn’t. When he left for those two days I got better, it felt like a fog was clearing. It didn’t matter I had to look after my younger siblings, because I was feeling clearer.

But then he came back, and now I don’t know if this body is mine, I don’t belong in this dimension. I feel as if the show I’m watching is where I’m supposed to be, that I was born in that universe and then as some cruel trick, my consciousness was placed in this body, in this world. The characters in my screen feel like my friends, my family, I feel a deeper bond with them then anyone from this universe. 

I want to go back to where I belong, I want to go back home.