Let me start by saying both my psychiatrist and Girlfriend have their biases. My psychiatrist is vehemently against me being borderline" because I don't seem dramatic enough and who wants to be labeled as something that goes hand and hand with drama." To him I'm classic case Bipolar 2. My gf believes I am and her bias is that 1. She has bpd 2.  She says when I'm not actively try to suppress my emotions they're volatile.

I've personally felt like neither opinion fits because I can relate to parts of both conditions. I do have moments were life is jusljust a little better and then life totally utterly sucks. I have an overall general emotional numbness and when I do experince them I try to bottle that shit up fast or havr even had times were something as small as bumping my game controller while I'm gaming can make me want to smash my controller or your face at the same time. But I didn't have a real fear of abandonment or I thought I didn't. I just lost a best friend, who've I've only known for like five months and the next thing I know I'm sobbing lime I've just got dumped and wanting to either hurt him and completely forget his existence or try and be friends again. I've been plagued with thoughts that others are gonna leave and that maybr I deserve it. My emotions have been all over the place and if I really let myself feel them, their strong. Panicking I ask my gf for advice she suggests I dig through my past, you know find old journals and stuff. Well I find a few old online journals and read through and boom that maybe  five years ago I had massive fears of abandonment, extreme attachment and stated I felt everything too deeply. Jump a little further back to  and I see the same things. Now I'm 28 and I don't remember feeling any of these things, I feel like I've just always been numb. I'm just kinda at a point where I don't even know anymore...