I had a conversation with my friend recently that’s just left me feeling even more alien. We were chatting about going to university classes and I was just saying I can’t stand it, it feels just like school (which I hated), I hate knowing I could be called on and just not have any escape in a classroom for an hour 2, it’s hell to me. He thinks I’m autistic or something which, maybe I am, but all I know is I wasn’t born this way. I wasn’t born with this disdain for the world and society. The more I learn, the more I dislike honestly. The more I just remember from my childhood the more I’m reminded of what people got away with and honestly I don’t understand why people even try. Even if only 1% of people are bad 98% of people are perfectly happy to enable it and follow them.

So, yeah. Most people (not all) are either dicks or sheep, and sheep follow dicks. Literally everything people do is to build social currency. School isn’t really about teaching, it’s about training. And yeah. I’m just feeling really negative but at the same time I don’t understand how anybody is even slightly optimistic.

Nothing particularly terrible has even happened to me beyond homophobia and bullying to explain this reasoning. I just plain old don’t like people nor have any will to try anymore. I don’t think I want to participate in society anymore.