yesterday i had the normal triggers: worried that i didn't commission enough at work and thinking it means i'm a horrible person who will get fired down the line. i hate how these average, everyday anxieties get amplified to the point where i think i'm a worthless piece of shit. my boss didn't come talk to me or anything. all of this is in my head. that's how much i hate myself sometimes.

i was so anxious about people in the office hearing me talk on the phone that i took a long break just to talk to the clients in my car with the windows up so i was sweating like an idiot. can i feel like a normal person in my office? i hate judging myself so severely. every interaction feels feigned, everything i do is so that other people will accept me. i overthink my pauses in conversations and my poor attempts to be funny.