First time posting on here, since I dont really have any other channels to vent my issues I dont really have anywhere else to go. 

For the last couple of weeks, ive been in this complete crushing mood. Depressed, paranoyed, anxious, feeling suicidal, self harming, not eating, not drinking until im close to collapsing.   
But at no point did I feel worse than I do today. 

I have only really 2 friends in my life, one of whom isnt around very often, leaving just one who I trust more than anyone else, But recently my behaviour has been far from acceptable. Ive become clingy, desperate for some sort of communication, accusing her of lying to me and seemingly pushing her to her own breaking point.   
Ive tried to appologise, but now im scared that this final breakdown has pushed her well past what she is willing to handle, if she leaves I will have lost everyone else as that other friend is her boyfriend and i doubt he will stick around if she chooses not to. 

&amp;#x200B;

My current mindset is to simply take my medication and not wake up, rid everyone of having to deal with me and never hurt anyone ever again. 

I really dont know what to do. 