Hi. I'm very new to Reddit (literally joined about half an hour ago) and the first thing I went to was this page. 
The thing is, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm 15, have about a year and a half of school to go, but I have no motivation to live. I've been to the doctor once which was a couple of months ago (last year if you will) and he recommended therapy, which I never got due to some rules the councillors had, which isn't really important. I don't want to explain too much on here, but I really need some help from a private eye, not even a friend, just some advice to move forward. 

To break down what I've been feeling:
Constantly targeted by everyone around me, like I'm always being watched or humiliated
Crying for no reason, it's not so much now but in September/October I would have random crying episodes every 2-3 days 
The ongoing stress of school is really taking a toll on me, I'm really shy and rarely volunteer, but the changing of teachers and their new 'if you don't put your hand up I will purposely pick on you to get a singly word out of you!!' mentality really makes my skin crawl. I'm wondering if school is causing all of this? I regularly think about leaving school, I've even searched it and nothing has come up prompting me to do that, plus I don't think that would help!
I also feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I've just had my birthday and Christmas, but I did not get excited for these occasions like I usually would and it's like I'm numb all the time, like I can't feel anything. I'm just an emotionless zombie to be frank, and some parts of me are begging me to end it all and others are laughing and playing with friends that make me so happy, yet so alone. 

I don't know if this will get any replies, but all I'm asking for is some advice, or even a private message if that's a thing in here because I don't know what I'm doing yet. Any questions I can answer too, these are just the main points of what I'm feeling that I  needed to get off my chest. Thank you! 
