Long story short, the night started well did a fair bit of drinking, ran into the girl i have a crush on. (Im pretty sure she dies not like me) she told me that she was into my roommate. After that I excused myself and went down to the river rapids near my campus in pouring rain and tried to will myself to throw myself in and to hopefully die. I am so tired of feeling lonely and jealous of happy people. Its not like I haven’t tried to put myself out there. No one wants me drunk or sober and nothing makes me feel good anymore as well I’m screwing up in school. I truly feel like their is no point to my life as it has only gotten worse with pockets of manic euphoria and immense sadness. I am going to the walk-in counselling centre and I’m going to try medication. I hope it works because i don’t want to live a life i cannot control.