I do not know what is wrong with me. I have had a flare up of sorts... I have had severe mood regulation and issues with producing a rationalized thought but now a new wave of awful things I could do has begun.

I admit that I have had been purposefully acting like I missed scanning items at check out at the store. I have been on an unhealthy thieving binge. It has caught up with me. I received a citation in the mail with a court date.

I have never been in trouble. Not even a speeding ticket. I am scared amd man do I feel like a piece of trash. I had the money for some of these small things but not all. I still do not know why I did it. Nothing big but mostly food and drink items...

I am so afraid that I really am a bad person. I was concerned it was part of the impulse and self destructing behavior but I am afraid to let my wife know this disorder could cause this and I do not want to use this as a crutch. I am aware this is not me though. I have never done something like this let alone several times. I am afraid to let anyone know how I am such scum.

I will gather my thoughts and admit my wrongdoings when I can properly hold such a serious conversation. I do not wish to become a liar overall. But I guess I already am since I have not come forth with it yet.

I think I need help. I do not know how tp dodge these impulses. 

I needed to rant. This feels overwhelming. To some it is just a small misdemeanor but it really is showing my true character and not who I would like to view myself as. I need to change. I want to be a good person.