Ive gone into great detail explaining bpd to so for awhile now so he can better understand why im this way but it seems like if anything hes getting more frustrated with me because in his mind he thinks if i can acknowledge it i can stop myself from doing it i wish i could explain to him the effects of practicing the same toxic habits for 20 years.. i cant change overnight and im scared of anything and everything that means i need to change who i am as a person.  It sucks so much being hypersensitive because u geniunely feel that way im so much more dramatic than the average person i feel like a kid who never grew up isnt that essentially what i am? I was left by my mom in middle school and never had a stable life at home and now im this scared animal who thinks that attention is love and throws fits when i cant understand something, sometimes i think about the way i act in situations and assessing it myself you would think that i want to get abused because i dont know how to stop fighting and i push them to the point of insanity sometimes i feel like id be happier if my so hit me so i could finally shut the fuck up.... i feel like all ive ever known is conflict and i dont know how to do anything else :/ i feel dead and empty inside like im living with a disadvantage that no ones aware of because everyone under the sun doesnt think bpd is a mental illness they think its a personality trait