My (21F) boyfriend (24) is leaving for work tomorrow for 3+ months where we can only talk through emails. He took me to my favorite fast food restaurant to get out of the house. We stopped at the store and I found a pack of cigs and we fought about it, and it got kind of nasty on both our parts- but we made up. However, 30 mins after he fell asleep. It’s our last night and he’s asleep. He works like a dog and I know it isn’t his fault, but it feels like... well, as cliche as it sounds, abandonment. I feel worthless right now and just... sad. We didn’t even have sex. It’s worse because just yesterday I had a very weird moment where suicide seemed like a good idea. It doesn’t now, at least I think it doesn’t. I’m just... not doing great. Everything hurts. I recently compared it to being surrounded by wildfire, choking on the smoke, while bleeding out.