(DISCLAIMER: This post talks about a potential toxic relationship and could also have other triggers I'm not aware of. Please read with self care.)

I thought for a while that I was beginning to develop some kind of anxiety disorder. I didn't self diagnose, cause I knew that I could be wrong. I believe I am in a toxic relationship with no good way out of it. 

I feel fear around other people when I'm not around mom. I feel fear around her to but I'm used to her and can sometimes predict how she's going to act.

I'm scared to speak in public, afraid of saying something bad or too loud, too quiet, wrong tone, etc. I'm scared constantly that people will tell me I'm wrong or judge me or in worse cases, treat me like I'm dumb or snap at me. 

This feeling of fear is typically in my chest, and though it doesn't make me hyperventilate, it makes me silent and on the constant verge of crying. It feels almost suffocating. I try to hide it from those I'm around, especially if they aren't my girlfriend. I also have trust issues and vent to myself when I'm alone, imagining scenarios (I have a decent imagination) that I either want to happen or am scared to happen.

The idea to go to reddit about this stemmed from yesterday, when I went trick or treating with my stepsister and her boyfriend and children. I wasn't allowed to trick or treat because I'm too old, so I told her that's what mom said, and though she tried to usher me to trick or treat, I was terrified to because I didn't want mom to snap or rant at me. She still sort of did and said that people handing out candy would think I'm deranged basically.

So do you think it's potential anxiety or just introvertedness I feel? I am *not* asking for a diagnosis, I'm just asking for your opinion so I can understand if it's anxiety I feel or not.