I find I can’t pull myself away from wanting a “high” off buying stuff or looking. Also, overeating or any sort of destructive behaviour. I know it is wrong when I do these things but I want the feeling. Meditation doesn’t work for me because I want the good feeling. If I ignore the feeling I have a gripping feeling in my chest, want to cry and I have not overcome it yet. I don’t want to overcome it, but at the same time I don’t. It’s so powerful I just can’t deal with it. 
Is there a way of helping this? I discovered aromatherapy and have considered self soothing techniques but reading through them doesn’t seem to be anything that would work for me. I’m really frustrated with myself because I want to overcome this.