I haven’t had a strong connection to someone in a long time. my last FP I switched to devaluation for awhile, and because we aren’t in a relationship anymore and I’m in DBT I’m able to be somewhat close without being triggered...

Fast forward to now...I think I have a new FP and it was going amazing And I felt amazing, most likely hypomanic, just impulsive, no sleep, no food, but feeling like I was alive. 

One thing happened and now I feel like a knife was stuck into my chest. I hate myself, and I want to flip out on them but instead I feel the urge to just isolate..........so I think I’m gonna. 

I thought I was doing okay. 
I want the euphoria back. 
This is the worst. My normal self is so rational but this crap removes all reason or rhyme to any of my behaviors.