for the second time this year I've lost out on job opportunities because of my last minute anxiety. the first time I made it through the first day. this time I couldn't even do that - I emailed them an hour before the shift. I feel terrible, even though my fiance was so supportive of me the whole time. I knew my anxiety was lying to me, I knew I would've been okay if I pushed thru. but by the end of the night I was shaking uncontrollably, thrown up a few times and could barely speak I was just so anxious. 

I guess I'll keep trying. maybe I'll get through it one of these times.