A little over a year ago I (24F) was in the psych ward for the first time, where I got my bipolar diagnosis. I was certified under the mental health act, because I was in psychosis, which they did not inform me I was certified. 

During my entire psychotic experience, I was non violent, I didn’t put my hands on a single person. I would say for the most part I had a deep fascination with nature and stuff.

I didn’t know that because I was certified, I didn’t have rights. One of my friends I made in there told me one day though that I was allowed to decline meds, because he did. So that night, I was getting dressed for bed, and the nurse walked in and told me it was time to take my meds, so I politely declined.

I got escorted down the hallway, and put in an isolation room. Two nurses stood before me, and one of them said “you can take your medication, or we’ll retrain you”. I thought she meant like a straight jacket or something, so I said “ok… restrain me”. One of the nurses left to room, and came back with 5 other men and women.

Keep in mind here, I was getting dressed when this all happened, so the buttons on my shirt weren’t done up, I was just holding it together, and I was in strictly hospital clothes, so I didn’t get to have any bras or underwear. 

The 5 men and women came over and pinned me down, my shirt opened, and then they pulled my pants down, so I was 100% exposed in a room full of men and women, which personally I am a rather modest person, prior to this, 1 person had ever seen me nude in person, so that part was terrifying. 

I was screaming and begging them to get off me, and scrambling to get away from them, but the just pinned me down harder and they stuck a syringe in my ass cheek and then just got up and walked out and locked me in the room. 

I don’t know if all isolation rooms are the same, but mine was just a beige room with a thin mat on the floor, a stainless steel toilet, a camera in the corner, and a door with a little window. 

While in there I started having hallucinations of people standing outside the door but they weren’t looking at me, so I started banging on the door begging for them to help me. I banged on the door for so long, I ended up having bruises on my hands. 

It just felt like a really traumatic experience, and it fucks me up that I feel I had my bodily autonomy stripped from me in such an aggressive way, when all I did was politely decline medication. I have a hard time with this experience, lately it has been interfering with my ability to sleep.