I started feeling good for once today, i was suddenly happy, and suddenly it felt like towers in my mind were collapsing, the emptiness is back, i feel like im gonna cry the whole time but i can't cry, why am i even alive? shouldn't i just die, there's nothing to live for, the future sucks, i have no friends, my family doesn't actually like me for my own personality its just because im a "brother" or a "son", not for my own goodness or how nice i am, there's no reason to exist, i can't feel anything except despair, fuck this, ill never be loved