Well, I didn't wrote here much but I wanted to... And I kept myself away because I don't want pity or something else. To feel like a burden or so. 

It's been more than 2 years since my life has become  a bottomless pit. I've drowned, lost weight, felt guilty, overdone sport, overworked to forget life outside the office, then felt like I am a disturbance for the world. Beside I find life to be boring as hell, I have no passion anymore, I don't want anything anymore. I just do what is necessary. Even eating, I keep it to the most simple way : no cooking only cans. Don't need to warm it, it's ready to eat.  I still do some sport because it helps to use the spare time between work and sleep. Otherwise I should be crying alone, in the middle of lightless flat.

I don't understand why I am now like that. It is still painful sometimes but I always think that after all, my life could be worse. But I can't talk of everything to my friends ofmr family. I don't want them to be concerned. They have their problems already and I don't want to be another problem on their list.

I don't think I'll find someone anymore. I don't talk much. I don't go out. I afraid to talk to strangers. And I have a very bad self-esteem.

But I accept it. I cannot change anything so let it be. I know that solitude and emptiness will kill me. But I can't do anything. It is too late.

I am just a ghost. Alive or dead don't change anything. The world hasn't changed when I came, and it will not when I'll be leaving. I doubt many people'll notice that I'm gone. .

Well, enough. Thanks for reading.
See ya'