Basically I have been diagnosed with BPD recently. I present a lot of emotional disregulation, especially around those closest to me. Long story short, I have lived my life fairly normally, until January and then my life fell apart. Since then I have been in a spiral of worsening lack of control over my emotions. I am very quick to fall apart when I get have little moments with my fiancé, and I become convinced she is leaving me. This leads to worsening aggression and lack of control and I often end up hitting myself because I feel bad I've upset her. I will go to any extreme just to keep her, but this often leads me to lash out because I feel threatened in the relationship if something, even a small thing, is brought up that I've done wrong. I am totally fine in any other situation with anyone outside of my family. I can be the calmest person in any sort of stress. It's only when my family and people extremely close to me have an upset with me that I kick off. I am at the point where my fiancé doesn't want to stay with me if I can't control my emotions. I am seeing a counsellor but it doesn't really help me in the moment. If my fiancé goes because of my behaviour, it will really leave me in a dark place. I don't want to be acting like this, I want to be reasonable with people and be able to control my emotions. I just don't know how anymore. I did it for 21 years, and then it all just fell apart, and I don't know why. nothing changed in my life dramatically. I just started having arguments and losing control of my emotions, which is hurting those closest to me. I just wish I could stop myself somehow :( I'm really very desperate