I scheduled an interview today for a first time job at 19, and it's only a mile away the manager is nice and it's part time, sounds good right? WRONG. I was kind of excited about it all day then when it came to even THINKING of going in and getting the job (doesn't help that I have a bladder condition.) I couldn't sleep all night, threw up, had all over body spasms, and peed myself. Even the THOUGHT of working horrifies me, doesn't help that my home life sucks. I honestly don't even want to live at this point. Over 19 years of wasted potential and it just gets worse. Between my mind mentally losing it and my body I really don't want to do anything with my life, the area I live in isn't the greatest also. The only time I feel 'safe' is crying in bed alone. I honestly don't want to try with anything anymore it's honestly pointless I am going to die alone and I'm a piece of shit I should honestly be ashamed of myself at this point, I don't contribute anything I just take up space. I shower and eat because I have to, I rarely shave, I see my friends but still barely at that. I just don't want to live like this anymore or be me anymore, I want to be the girl that can sleep and not want to die, or be paralyzed with anxiety, I just don't know if I should give up and get disability at this point or what but life seems pointless. Forget about ever having a relationship or sex, who wants to be with a lunatic? Anyway my rant is over, I really hope I die in my sleep tonight.