This gonna be pretty long, sorry. 

I’ve been dating the most wonderful man for 3 years now. He is nothing but kind and loving towards me. A couple of months ago we had this talk, he basically told me I need to straighten myself out (I’ve dropped out of college 3 times, haven’t been able to hold a job in 2 years, my emotions are out of whack etc.) or else it’s over. Now, he’s graduating from college next month and will be moving back home (or somewhere else nearby) for a job. I’ll be moving back home too, two hours away from him. (We’re both 21) 

I asked him the other day how he felt about our talk now, and he said he feels the same. I took this to mean he felt like nothing has improved, while I’ve been working really hard to keep myself in check, and I’ve found a career opportunity I’m going to take this summer. 

Since then, all I can think about is how he doesn’t love me and how in a couple months time, after moving away long distance, he’s going to call me and break up with me. I can’t even handle the thought of it, I’m sobbing as I’m typing this. He is the greatest thing that ever happened to me and the thought of losing him because of my own actions hurts so, so much. 

Now, I don’t even know if that’s gonna happen. I don’t know if he’s going to decide to leave me in 2 months time or whatever. But I can’t get it out of my head that he doesn’t love me anymore (we rarely have sex anymore and I’m sure it’s because I recently gained 80lbs..) and everything he says is an attack on me. It’s almost a self fulfilling prophecy. 

My mom tells me that I cannot think this way. She says that once I start working on myself and building myself up, everything will fall into place, and I believe her. But right now I have this horrible pain and anxiety as if we had already broken up even though I have no idea what’s to come. I just know that I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone. 

Every time I see a post about someone’s relationship, or referencing love or anything like that, it upsets me because I can’t shake this ominous feeling that soon, I’ll have no one. 

How do I stop this feeling? And what happens if he *does* break up with me in a little while? How will I handle that? Please help me, give me some insight or tell me about how you’ve dealt with heartbreak. I don’t know what to do. 