I want to die, but I’m afraid to die. I stick around mainly for my son, he’s very high functioning but has a few conditions that make being on his own impossible. Wouldn’t he be better off w out a mother that lands in her bed until she has no choice? My mom lives with us but is on a trip to my sisters currently. I always fall apart the most when she’s gone. We aren’t young, how will I survive losing her? I don’t know when I smiled  or laughed last. I tell him always how much I love him and I try to ….I didn’t know how to end that sentence. I just am tired, I’m sooooo very tired. Thanks for listening…