I have recently been diagnosed with BPD. I meet 8/9 of the criteria—to an extreme—but I’m still heavily doubting myself and my diagnosis. This is because I never have and still don’t have an “intense fear of abandonment.” Many people argue that this fear of abandonment is at the core of BPD and that you can’t have BPD without it.

It’s so confusing. I was never abandoned...Well, not exactly. I grew up with one abusive parent (father) and one parent who I could consider my FP (mother). I had to heavily rely on my mother to protect me from my father, and put all of my trust in her, idolizing and depending on her for emotional support. When my father suicided, I didn’t feel abandoned, I was relieved. However, I’ve never been able to form my own identity, but rather depend on external sources like people and interests. It’s difficult for me to form opinions and personal beliefs because I need to depend on other people to tell me what’s “correct” because I question myself and my reality to the point of insanity. 

But like I said, I was never abandoned. So what are your thoughts on this?