So I guess for some context, I am a 26 y/o queer person. I am mostly attracted to other queer, nonbinary people bt OCCASIONALLY i have an attraction to cis men that I pursue. I am a sexual abuse survivor as well. 

So I guess that brings me to my next point..... I find that in sexual/emotional rships with non-men, I dont split as much afterward. At least not until late into the rship when my defense mechanisms kick in more. But EARLY on with me, I split after sex. Instantly detached, i devalue them and want no closeness after that until the next time I feel needy, need a hit of dopamine, OR they have done something particularly pleasing to me. There is a man I have been engaging with recently and this keeps happening, to the point where I am now spacing out and scheduling when I engage sexually with him because I know I need a day or two of space to come back to baseline. To make matters worse, I have a muscle disorder that has gotten worse so sex is generally uncomfortable now. Most positions that feel good, dont feel good for long and leave my muscles tense and contorted and then I am irritated trying to shower after and loosen them up. This is SO frustrating and annoying. I also have had like triggering sexual events in the past with this same guy, two of which I literally think I imagined and turned into things that they were not. Split on him and broke it off three times before. Now things are going like well, we havent had any weirdness there. We were friends first so we have been able to rest on that thankfully. I also am not letting him penetrate me, which solves half of those triggers for me. But like immediately after he gives me an orgasm, I want him off of me and away. If he sleeps over, then the next day I am detached and dont wanna be touched. Im not typically mean,I can keep it friendly, bt he can sense the switch like I just turn off. He has this weird thing about greetings too where he expects a hug and a kiss and if he doesnt get them, he like reminds me! We went to the gym last night and we were friendly and laughing. I did notkiss and hug him when i first saw him, i obvi was not particularly interested. B.c if i were, I would have offered them. I didnt. That would lead most ppl to believe..... ok maybe we arent on that vibe today. Bt him? In the middle of a rep he says, "no hug or kiss today? I get no love" like what!!!!!!! I am literally working out, a. And b. Like we chillin, dog. Im being friendly. Im thinking this has something to do w this sort of focus on romance that he has. He wants to date at some point and asks me like quesrions ab various date scenarios and Imake it clear that thats not happening anytime soon. I dont think he is anymore emotionally available than I am so om like uhh, hard pass. Bt he like expects me to sorta play out that role... idk if its conscious for him or not tho, bt like the expectations to always acknowledge him physically are a bit annoying. I have issues w affection, he knows this and forgets this i think. Willfully or otherwise. I think he feels slighted and rejected when i dont offer kiss/hug bt dude,i am not your partner. We are friends that fuck around. When im in the mood, I offer those things. When im not, relax. Dont take it personally. Bt see the rub isthat I think thats what makes him feel validated and acknowledged and so when i dont offer them, EVEN if im friendly and otherwise chillin, he feels slighted. This was a bit of a ramble but..... i have issues being physical with ppl. So like, gimme a break yunno? But does anyone else split after being physical w someone????