I want to talk to someone about my “problems” like a psychologist or therapist or something, but I’m scared my mother won’t take me, and I’ll be ridiculed by my family who’s less than sensitive.

I have so much anxiety when it comes to starting my new job, to remembering if I locked the door or closed the garage door. I keep thinking about it all day and I can’t be sure until I get home and I’m home. This is because my family has consistently left them open or unlocked, so I can check 3 times, and still think it isn’t locked. I used to have terrible anxiety attacks when I couldn’t find my dog, it doesn’t happen as much anymore but it still does. I get paranoid that people are following me and my family when we drive around or there’s going to be someone breaking into my home.

I get unusually pumped up with self confidence and then after a while I feel like I’m a fat piece of shit, even though all I do is go to the gym and work out. This happens a lot. I also hate that I’m super OCD about cleaning and I clean everything and organize everything but then I’ll let my room and bathroom get disgusting. 

Sometimes I become enraged at the dumbest of things, like someone says something to me or does something to me and I flip off the handle for no reason. I scream and shout and then I realize What I’ve done and I go and hide. I like hiding in small spaces even though I’m a beefy 200 pound 6’ tall guy. 

How do I tell my mother that I definitely need help, because I’m scared she will say I’m just saying this because I’m nervous of going to work for the first time