ive lost every single person in my life, everyone ive ever loved. ive been doing this for so long, too long. ive tried so many times and now i actually have a plan, one that will work. im just so fucking miserable, i cannot live like this anymore. im in a very rough spot right now with my relationship and im fully dependent on them. i have borderline personality disorder and my attachment to this person is something that has a complete hold ove seee r me and my life. if i lose them, i lose myself. i cant do this without them, and i wont. ive lost every single friend i had, the ones ive loved, confided in, known for 10+ years, people who have been with me through hell and back, people who know every single thing about me, now every single one of them is gone. i have nobody. the relationship issues partially involve another girl, one i fucking hate with absolutely everything in me. i dont know who to believe, and if i find out the things im hearing are true, it will fully push me over the edge. i feel so fucking worthless and if i find out the person i center my whole entire life around is lying to my face and emotionally abusing me, i wont be able to move past it. i cant. hes the last fucking person i have, we were together for over a year. i dont think ill lose them, because i cant. i wont let it happen. its us or nothing. without him, im not whole anymore, im not myself, im nothing. i cannot comprehend the ideas that people are putting in my head and its going to cause me to completely self destruct. i have a very extensive history with self harm and hospitalizations, and if it doesnt work, ill be home again. i truly dont want to do this to myself, hurt my family again, but letting them watch me into a spiral of drug addiction and excessive self harm. any time i think about our situation i break out into full body sweats and start crying. somethings going to change, it has to. its going to, he promised to. i need any tips or comments, i just need to hear your opinion. if it comes down to it, what are some things i need to do or know before i end my life? im so fucking lost and i dont have it in me to find myself. i genuinely feel that this world would be better without me here, and the people i know make it so very clear. i know what im bound to do, i think it may be what i need to do. my presence is such a burden to every single person that forced to be around me. its a chore to be around me and i feel selfish to but myself around people when im not wanted or needed there. please help, im so lost.