Post just to vent i guess. 

I’m 19 and i was severely bullied in middle and highschool for my looks. I really don’t think i am that unattractive now i was just awkward looking throughout puberty and really weird growing up and it was hard. I had been doing better until i had a nasty run in with my highschool bully where she insulted me again. I feel like all my positive progress has been shattered. 

I’m constantly looking at myself in the mirror and hearing all the nasty shit she said to me in my head. I am constantly getting down on myself. My friends and boyfriend compliment me often and i get hit on by strangers sometimes but i still think they are all lying to me. 

My self esteem is shattered. And i don’t know how to cope. as someone who was severely suicidal a few years ago i’m scared this is a sign of a downward spiral. 

Everytime i go on social media i compare myself to other girls and i’m paranoid my boyfriend will find me unattractive compared to his classmates on instagram. Im literally a wreck again because of this evil girl. Will it ever get fucking better i thought leaving highschool was supposed to put all this behind me. Im so upset about it sometimes i contemplate doing crazy things like hurting myself, disappearing to a different state, starting my life over, tricking my boyfriend into getting me pregnant for a sense of purpose in life, cutting off all my hair and becoming a man, breaking up with my boyfriend and becoming a lesbian. Literally all kinds of insane shit