For months my depression have been rearing it's ugly head. I've been trying to ignore it by drowning myself in distractions. It was working for quite a bit but now, I feel as if.. It finally caught up to me... Again. I've isolated myself... Because I am incapable of handling relationships. I can't even hold on to my friends. Most of the time, I enjoy my isolation. I have peace of mind. But some days, the loneliness weighs heavily on me. I get thoughts of suicide. I have even started searching for ways to do it in the most painless way. I know many people will think im a coward...

But.. Am I really even alive right now? I'm not touching anyone's life apart from my mom and cats. They will be able to manage without me. I'm just so... Tired of this shit. I don't even have any major problem but I just feel so damn lonely and empty... And hopeless. I don't want to live like this.... 

I'm sorry for the rant.