I grew up with a schizophrenic father, and a mother who I'm sure was clinically depressed though never treated for it. Needless to say my childhood was anything but typical. From the age of 5 on it was about as disfunctional as it could be. 

By the time I was around 15 my spirit took a dark turn. I began self medicating with whiskey, weed, and porn. By 17 I had stopped the use of booze and weed, but not porn. That became an addiction that I only was able to start to recover from last year.

Also, somewhere around 13-15 my dad had a major mental breakdown, so bad that my grandfather who lived with us at the time almost had to call the police before finally convincing my dad to be admitted into a mental hospital. 

Finally, the last problem was that, by the time I was in college I most likely became, in the mind of my mom, an "emotional spouse." I was the only sane man in the house by that time, and the only support my mom really had.

Now, at 59, whenever I am hit with my episodes of depression, I retreat to my bed with the covers over my head, much like I did all those years ago on the day my dad had his severe breakdown. Honestly, if someone brought me food, I'd stay there 24/7 except for bathroom breaks. Unless I absolutely have to I don't shower, don't brush my teeth, don't wash my clothes, and don't really help around the house, until I can snap out of these episodes.

The worst thing is, when I'm alone (when my wife is out of town) I seek out women to talk to. When, for any reason, those relationships end (like if someone is leaving Reddit or decides they need to move on) my mind reverts to that scared 14-15 year old. I cry, I plead, embarrassingly I sometimes stalk with a new account, not in any malicious intent, just to see what they're doing and if they mention me, I just fall apart. 

This is so embarrassing. I'm a 59 year old man who sometimes has a mind that reverts to childhood and adolescence.

Has anyone else here experienced similar issues? If so, how have you handled them? Any insight is greatly appreciated.