
I’ve come into the state that I don’t actually want to hang out or continue friendships because I rely on my boyfriend (fp) so much. I lost all previous relationships due to my fuck ups and I’m having a hard time finding friends because I don’t feel they have the same value as my long-term childhood friendships, I will avoid them at all costs because I deem them boring even though they genuinely care about me and want to hang out with me. I always feel like I don’t belong, like I am not right and I am so scared of rejection so why should I even bother anymore? I’m so terribly lonely when he doesn’t come over at night and I know I’m compensating but it’s getting to the point where I’m getting destructive thoughts because I can’t see him. How do I begin to care about people I don’t know or care about?