 My (very recent) ex-boyfriend started reading the book, “Walking on Eggshells”, on the recommendation of his therapist. I have seen the book title come up in many BPD and BDP S/O forums so I decided to check it out. I was diagnosed with bipolar II a year ago and have been working on my own to work on myself in and my relationship to my diagnosis. Maybe a week or so before our breakup, my ex came to me and said that he thought (or let’s say he was absolutely convinced), based on the book and reddit forums on BPD, that I have BPD as well as or instead of bipolar. At the time, I broke down and accepted everything he said as fact and my head spun into a flurry of “wow, I really am the problem, so many things are wrong with me and I make his life hell” thoughts. He noted that I would forget things that one of us had said (in my opinion we had major communication issues where we had two VERY different perspectives of/assumptions about what was said in discussions), that I was irrational about...well, everything, and on and on and on (more examples below). Upon reflection - and in speaking with my therapist - I truly don’t believe I have BPD. My ups and downs were absolutely there and no picnic for either of us. However, we were moving for the 3rd time in 5 months and in trying to set up our home together, I felt that the “together” part didn’t exist. To quote him, “Why do you always have to say something? Why can’t you just let me do it (set up a room) and shut up?” He said that I manipulated him, that nothing he did was ever good enough, and that I was trying to control and criticize everything he did. Those feelings paired with things he read led him to the conclusion that I had BPD. Do I have things to work on? Yes. We all do. However, it bothers me to my core that, in his mind, his black-and-white thinking and his own need for control (he doesn’t think so but he has occasionally debilitating OCD) and belief that we shouldn’t “dwell in our feelings but should detach and move on” in no way contributed to our demise. I was told that I isolated him from friends he never reached out to, that I kept him from doing things he wanted - like going to the gym he never took time to go to or play with the puppy he clearly didn’t have time for -, and that I ruined his mental health and happiness. I guess in this long lost, I’m trying to figure out if my even writing this is a “sign” or “symptom” of BPD or am I just coming to the realization that I was (apologies for the phrasing but I can’t think of anything else) driving myself crazy and talking myself into believing I had undiagnosed issues/illnesses because he said so?

If anything, I needed to get all of this out and am working on realistically processing my emotions from multiple viewpoints (not just mine, my family’s, or my therapist’s). Any type of...anything...would be greatly appreciated!