Im going to cut a long story as short as possible, maybe triggering regarding children and loss, ive avoided any upsetting topics i physcially could except the one relating directly to this

I was a VERY young mum, my first child was taken and given to my mum as i was young and mentally ill and my second was taken even quicker and put up for adoption because i didnt have custody of my first child and was now diagnosed with my bpd, i dont know where he is what his new last name is or even if hes alive and well but lets just say the loss surrounding my boys effects me massively everyday, after i lost my second son i was not even a little bit okay, i was the most unwell ive ever been for about a year and half solid, constantly in and out of hospital. Until my partner bought me my horse... i know it sounds crazy but i dont just love horses they speak to the happiest parts of my soul... this horse is MY LIFE now, i think about her like a child, more than a child, shes like a part of me, one that i need to physically keep going, i still cant look after myself, id starve or dehydrate to death if i tried, but i can put on clothes tie up my hair and make it to her then spend 2 hours working to make sure shes comfy in her stall at night... shes the only thing thats makes me look to the future and actually see one for myself, but im about to loose her after years of loving her, i cant pay her stalls rent next month, everything i saved and worked and tried for will be gone, the only thing keeping me going will be gone... and il not know where she is or if shes alive and well just like my son... how do i get through this? Im triggered beyond belief right now and the trauma that i had dissociated from in order to survive is finding its way back to the front. How do i actually go through this level of pain greif and loss again without giving up? How do i make it to the next day when i loose everything i love?
I need genuine hard core coping techniques and advice right now, because im dangerously close to the edge of my capcity for pain, i feel like my whole world is just crumbling so i appreciate anything you can suggest for me to try, thanks