This is something I wrote about my anxiety and depression; and hoping someone can relate, because I am going through a really rough time. The people in my personal life are there for me, but I know they don’t truly understand what I’m going through. 

Its like feeling extremely homesick but there is no home to go back to, and there never will be. Like falling into a void of eternal terror and fear and I’ll never get out. Like every day I’m grieving a life I once knew, a person I once was, and I am sure it’s gone forever. Feels like it was so long ago since anything felt familiar or safe. I miss me. And I’m scared I’ll forget what it even felt like to be the person I once was. I want me back so bad I would be willing to give up a lot. You know that moment when you wake up from a nightmare and you are so, so relieved it wasn’t real? But the part right before you do, when it all is still so real, so horrifying, so gut wrenching… I’m still waiting to wake up. Like I’m stuck in the worst part, and I thought I would wake up by now, roll over in bed and see my dogs sleeping peacefully beside me and think with overwhelming relief “thank god” like I’ve done with all of my bad dreams in the past. But now there is no relief. Will there ever be relief? Will that part ever happen? I can’t believe this is my reality. My thoughts are jumbled and everything feels “dark” things even look dark. It doesn’t just feel like anxiety. It feels like FEAR. I wonder every day if this is the day I will finally lose my mind. Nothings even wrong in my life right now, besides me. I have everything I need. I mean maybe by others standards, I’m not living a dream life..but I’m financially stable enough, I work with dogs all day, I have the most wonderful boyfriend who has stuck by my side through thick and thin. I have good friends, and a family who loves me and is there for me. But even when I’m right next to them I feel 10 million miles away. I can’t remember anything anymore, like the days pass but they’re just disappearing as they pass. I feel half disoriented all the time. I feel like my life is over, and I am aware of how dramatic that sounds. But it’s how it feels for me right now. Can anyone who has ever felt similar to this, tell me they got through it and there is another side? A light at the end of the tunnel? I have a good therapist, I meditate, I’m trying to find a good medication, I’ve tried natural supplements, I eat healthy, I have a good sleeping schedule, I don’t drink or do drugs, I exercise. But still I literally feel like my brain is broken. Every day is a repeat of the same feelings. I feel trapped inside myself. It’s like living in a constant-almost-panic attack, except there’s never any come down from it. I feel scared and alone, and am really afraid that I am losing my mind.