Our father is coming to visit my brother and me for Father's Day...having invited himself. As a result, my brother has started cleaning everything around him.

I get it. I should help my little brother and have every intention to.

But...I have to reapply for unemployment benefits and our state is so far behind in updating the computer system that there is a virtual waiting room for a chance to reapply for unemployment. This means I can't leave my computer until I finish applying for unemployment. There's also been times I've been kicked off midway through and have had to start all over in the waiting game.

As you can tell...this is very frustrating for everyone.

My brother has been diligently cleaning all by himself, showing off once again why he's the Golden Child. He was the good little boy who my parents spent four to five hours every night helping with homework just so he understood everything that was going on. Who did everything that was ever asked of him and supported every single step of the way.

Because he has autism and therefore that makes him special.

I was told years ago, back when he was diagnosed, that I would be taking care of him once our parents had passed. My parents were told that my brother's IQ was low and that he'd be very lucky if he'd learn to tie his shoes. Fortunately, he's proven them all wrong. He's socially clueless, sure. But he's made huge strides and I love him.

Yet, when I developed problems with suicidal depression and anxiety...I was told to stop being moody and that everyone has bad days. I was told stories about my bipolar grandmother and her frequent institutionalization visits in an attempt to scare me into behaving.

I understand that my parents were already overwhelmed with the idea of having one child with special needs...the thought of having two? That would've been too much for them.

It's not my brother or my parents' fault things turned out the way they did.

It isn't.

It's just the way the dice rolled.

But I'm filled with bitter resentment and anger at my own shortcomings and my brother's constantly reminding me how I'm never going to measure up. How I'm lazy, irresponsible, selfish and trying to pass the blame onto someone else.

I'm trying really hard to not take things out on my brother...but I feel like a pressure cooker on the verge of exploding. I'm scared I'm going to take it out on him.

I wish he'd leave for good...just so I won't risk hurting him.