I feel so weird today and in a mental snap

I wrote down some words of kinda what it feels like:

....

The music plays
My favorite songs
But I don't hear the words.
I light a cigarette and it's been 3 years.
And I just sit on the ground in public
desecrating the home of the ants stomping around with my ashes.

I think I forgot how to talk to people
So I am my raw self
I'm real and no filter
I don't care
There are no barriers between me and the world
Like people just....don't feel, because I sure as hell don't

I walk straight in the busiest place I could find to feel something and no one exists.
I feel nothing
I look at my car
I guess that's my car.
It looks smaller than I remember
I guess my ego is normally that big

I see my reflection on the car
"So that's what I look like and the sky looks blue today. Why is it so strange"

Like an alien that saw the world as it is.
That's is me
An alien to everything
Everyone
Do I belong here?
I don't know.