(Bad English ahead)

After having read a lot about BPD, I've realized that there's a likely possibility that I can have BPD, and I want to get an official diagnosis so I can potentially get treatment for it, but I'm currently undergoing another form of treatment that requires me to be "Mentally stable" which means I can't have any mental problems that have a major effect on my life. I've gotten pretty good at pretending to medical professionals that my life is perfectly fine and that anxiety and depression are not a big part of my life anymore, even though I'm still struggling daily with suicidal thoughts and panic attacks. But I've come to realize that these things may be a result of what might be BPD, considering I get these panic attacks when I'm left alone or when I feel ignored. If I could talk to a professional about this and get treatment for it, it could probably help me deal with depression and anxiety much easier as well, but I can't because I can't let any professionals know that I'm "mentally unstable". I'm so unsure of what to do. I don't want to live like this, so I want to get treatment, but I can't and I just don't know what to do anymore. How useful would any sort of treatment even be? Would it be worth it? Sorry for the broken English. And again, this isn't a thread asking anyone to diagnose me or anything like that at all, quite the opposite in fact. I'd much rather have a diagnosis from a professional that can actually help me. But... I can't and I'm so torn on what to do.