Hello,

I hope to not offend anyone with this and I hope I can get the clarification needed.

In the past weeks I have been thinking about myself more after splitting up with a person with probably NPD traits. I can't say if just traits or pathological NPD. Even if I bend toward thinking it was full NPD.

Anyway my therapist asked me if I have abbandonment issues and I started questioning myself. I kind of have it. It's not super strong but I have it and It shows in certain ways that are covert OR I just have it for myself and suffer my doubts and anxiety and when I can't do it anymore I just ask my partner.

I don't have a term of comparison because I can't remember my previous relationships before this one and the last one and for sure they were toxic so I can't really say if it was me or them. I always feel shame for what I say or think and in certain days I feel that what I do make people go away/drive people away. Luckily they don't, but I often feel embarassed by myself when I don't feel confident. Usually this happens more when I really like the people I am dating or talking even if it's a friendship. I care less if I don't like them too much even if it happens with them as well.

Now going to the real question. I tend to lash out to my parents and my brother. With my brother is more like being passive aggressive and with my parents is a sort of not managing to take their bs.

My brother just took credit for a decision I did last year, it's a simple decision like I did take a trip last year and He said that it was thanks to him and basically start a monologue about how i should do this and that. I hate the fact that my parents and my brother treat me like I can't deal myself with stuff. They always criticize me or they say things that intend to portray me like I am a lazy or incapable person. 

My mother often goes like that, for most of our interactions: "Don't eat there because I just cleaned" assuming that I would eat like a caveman and make a mess which it's not true. Or my father "you are always distracted that's why you took that traffic fine for parking there, you didn't see the sign" when I clearly stated there was a sign.

So it is always about me making mistakes, since I was a child. And never listening to my motivation behind it. I always fear telling things because there will be always a criticism for me. My mother criticized my girlfriends, belittiling them in subtle ways, assuming they are stupid. Or she would make joke in front of them about me, telling things like "are you sure you want to stay with him? he has a bad temperament"

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So I often lash out at them and my mother seems happy when it happens. I rarely lash out at friends or in relationships. But with them it's like i fucking hate them.

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Is it possible that I was never close enough to friends and relationship to come to the point I lash out? If there is a motivation for lashing out is it normal that one can reach a point where even the small things can make you lash out?