I feel so empty. So lost and confused. I feel like I dont know who I am anymore and I dont know what I want. That's a lie, I do know what I want, what I want is to be happy again. I've been suffering from multiple mental illnesses for my whole life, my anxiety and depression gets so severe that it causes me physical pain. It's almost like I can feel my heart aching. I don't have any friends, due to having autism I barely have any social skills. And although I'm in therapy and I'm on medication, I feel like it's not enough. I'm tired, I'm sad, and I don't know how to fix it. I just want a friend like everyone else has. I feel like I drive people away because I'm so depressing but i can't help it. It's all i know and it's all I'm used to. I cut myself for the first time in a really long time and I'm sad to say that it felt good. I know that's messed up. I can't help it. It felt like I was finally getting a release from all my pain. I feel like I might do it again. Often times I'm I'm suicidal and I've attempted to take my own life many times. I dont know how to fix myself, I feel broken, I just wish I had someone to be close to, who I could talk to about these things without scaring them away. I feel like people dont talk about mental illness enough, or at least not the more damaging and scary aspects of it. Anyways thanks for reading if you've made it this far. Maybe someone will resonate with this and want to talk, maybe not. But thanks for letting me get this off my chest. It feels good to vent. I hope everyone is doing well