Two days from now, I'll be having my solo case presentation for college and I'm freaking out. One, because the paper is a big pile of mess. Two, I don't understand any of the material. Three, I no longer have the energy, the attention span and the motivation to try and understand anything. Four, I have extremely intense fear when it comes to authority figures. Five, I'm super bad at criticisms. 

For the past few weeks, we've been meeting so many client and working on our papers and it just became so overwhelming. Last week, I broke down in front of out instructors when I was rehearsing for a report for our research. I had to be switched with another group mate because I was freaking out and having a mental breakdown. After that, the instructor pulled me aside and asked me if I was okay and like a tidal wave of emotions, thoughts and everything that I've been bundling and storing up for the past few weeks- I spilled it all. That was the first time I've ever told anyone about the anxieties that I've been having all my life, outside of my group of friends. I was later referred to out guidance counsellor who I told that I'm not sure anymore if I was going to continue with the program. Being able to release some of these pent up emotions gave me some relief and put some of the heavy weight off my chest and shoulder.

However, now it's all back and now I just feel empty. I wanna feel okay. I don't know what I'm suppose to feel to be very honest.  It's true that everyone have all these anxious feelings, but I don't know what to do with these anxious feelings. Which leaves me locking them all up inside me in the end...which leaves me feeling empty. How do people deal with sadness, emptiness and anxiety without breaking down?  I've gotten to the point in my life where I don't even care if I pass or fail. Honestly, I'm thinking about failing this case presentation but I know it's going to ruin me afterwards. I have lost all motivation to do anything. This case presentation involves me defending my paper to a group of panel and I don't think i'll make it without breaking down.