I’ve only told my psychiatrist and one friend this. I was alone for weeks. I cut off everyone. Then went out for a Halloween party and saw all my friends and theirs kids having a good time. Then I decided to put a loaded gun in my mouth later. The feeling if moving my finger from the trigger guard to the trigger felt relieving. But I stopped myself just to make sure I really wanted it. A few weeks later I sought help. I knew this was more than just “being sort of depressed sometimes” because I recalled episodes of mania (not fully understanding what mania really was). 

Been on Abilify for two and a half years and love it. 

So if you don’t mind sharing, what was your worst depressive episode.