I (23F) get a *lot* of attention when I'm femme-presenting, since I have a more goth/alternative style and focus heavy on tight clothes, dramatic makeup and long hair extensions &amp; that seems to attract a lot of positive attention for some reason. I am SUPER insecure so I don't think I'm all that pretty, but I do notice when I dress femme that I get a lot of stares in public and generally a lot more DM requests from people of both genders.

But then whenever I'm going through a particularly rough time or I'm in a deep downward spiral, I'll suddenly feel the urge to switch and start dressing very butch. I chop off all my hair, start wearing more masculine clothes, and put on this tough facade to mask the pain that's lingering underneath. And the things that I do when I'm femme (like wear lingerie or lots of makeup or act more dainty/reserved), I don't do any of those things when I'm in a butch phase.

But I notice I get WAYYYY less attention when I present myself as such, which makes the validation part of my BPD go into overdrive because I miss getting all the attention. And before I know it, I'm back to being femme again.

I VASTLY prefer women or non-cisgendered men and I do believe that if I ever get married it'd be to one of the two, but for whatever reason I still feel like I need to be desired by cis men. I'm not even sure if I like dressing butch or like dressing femme since my identity is so all over the place, I just know that every six months or so I'll switch back and forth between the two like a pendulum.