i always do the same thing over and over again. i dont know if this is even in relation to my BPD to be honest but i feel like it is... please share if you do the same. wont feel less alone and advice would be nice.... (haha i rhymed).

so, i(F) always do this thing where i lead a guy on, make out with him and whatnot (usually at parties), and when the guy wants to see me again i just shut him out completely. say im always busy and try and just disappear from him. even though i want things to happen, i want to fuck guys and not give a shit but its as if im scared and i dont know what im scared of. i do this ALL THE TIME. its like every week i find a new victim to lead on and then abandon. and i know its shitty and i hate myself for it. but i dont know how to change it. theyll message me and ill just completely ignore the message or answer two months later. this goes for other things too.. like at some point i was down to have a threesome with this couple and we had arranged a date where wed go drinking and then i got scared and bailed. theyve been asking me for weeks to hang out with them (they know im scared), and they tell me not to worry were just gonna go for drinks somewhere and get more comfortable with eachother but even THAT freaks me out and i always tell them im just to busy, which im not. i feel like a lot of people see me as a tease... but its not my intentions. im legit driving myself insane.