x posted to an early childhood subreddit, edited some childcare jargon

Sorry for the vent ahead, this is weighing on me a lot. 

I'm 26 and I've had a lot of jobs in the past. I change jobs very quickly, the longest I've ever had was almost 2 years. I started working in childcare centers when I was 19 and was making 7.50 an hour. I realized I really love teaching kids. Over the years I've worked at a lot of really shitty childcare centers and was treated poorly, paid poorly, the kids were treated poorly, etc.

A year and a half ago I started working at a center that is FANTASTIC. I'm salaried (23k a year I think, no health insurance offered), I'm a lead in a preschool room, things are done really well. I like my coworkers and my preschoolers (most of the time lmao). The center has me in a program that pays my way in community college to get a certificate in childcare (not a degree). I'm on track to finish next spring and then I have a year contracted at my job to qualify for the free tuition. For the first time I'm acing classes and I love the knowledge. I'm genuinely really passionate about childcare.

However.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder and it's usually very well in check, no medication, but my anxiety and depression get high sometimes. My sleep is very irregular and there are days, in increasing numbers, that I can't work because of it. This affects my coworkers and my kids. It's at the point where if I miss work without a doctor's note, I'll be terminated. I have no insurance and can't get any until November. I've got a lot of medical bills racked up for having to go to the doctor just for a note because I couldn't sleep the night before. I've been very transparent with my directors about my mental health and they go back and forth between being understanding and not (though I think most of that is looking out for the company). They've told me I'm a great teacher and that I'm an important team member, and I honestly believe that. They said parents have started asking why I'm gone so often out of worry and so do my kids.

This weighs on me and makes things worse. I have a psychiatry appointment set up for this coming week and I'm trying to get back into therapy. I'm usually very self aware and I've been to therapy/hospitalized in the past that's helped me, but things are getting bad. I'm questioning whether or not I want to work with children forever and continue making a really low salary. It's something I love and something I've always imagined doing forever. The past couple weeks I've not been able to see that anymore. I want to quit and get a desk job somewhere while I decide my career path, but that would mean having to stop the school program and pay back all the money for my certificate.  It would mean quitting the best job I've ever had and I'm sure they probably wouldn't take me back because of the absences. I'm not sure what to do and I don't know what's best for the kids. When I'm at work I'm working hard and being a really great teacher, but I struggle to sleep and to get up to do it again. When I think about it too much I'm overcome with guilt of leaving my good coworkers and my kids who love me. 

My family (girlfriend and best friend that I live with), supports me either way and has said that if I need to take time to work on my mental health that they could help me out monetarily for awhile. 

I'm trying to be active about getting help before things get worse. I've been like. Really very stable for a couple years now so I don't know why things are acting up now. I just need some reassuring words or advice. I feel really lost. 

TL;DR

Finally working at a great center that is paying for schooling. Keep missing work because of mental health and now questioning whether or not this is the right career path. Want to leave but scared of throwing away the best job I've had.