only obsession. i recently ended a sexual relationship with a guy as he has got a girlfriend. this has beaten me so bad that i can’t stop crying or be on the verge of crying every 10 min. i even suspected the possibility of a pregnancy since i was getting headaches and vomiting from crying too hard. 
the thing is that i don’t even like him. when i was with him i had to disassociate to get over how little things he did infuriate me. sex with him was also not enjoyable. but i kept on spending time with him since he likes me and i’m bored. before officially ending this relationship, he jokingly asked me if i regret it, i said no and i’m happy for him. he said that i was too cold. 
now knowing he is in a relationship, i can’t stop feeling like i am worthless and no one will ever like me, thinking i have lost my final chance. i am like a dark matter sponge (pardon for amateur physics reference), soaking as much love as possible and giving none. it’s like i am smoking him to get periodic highs and now getting withdrawal syndromes. 
i have never kept a romantic or sexual relationship for more than a month. people always leave when i try to tell them how i feel. i don’t blame them, only myself. people always say that if i am not happy single i will not be happy taken. i understand that. but it’s genuinely so hard not getting love and attention from someone else to keep myself high from artificial confidence.