When you’ve been sad for so long, it’s easy to believe that that’s all you’ve ever felt and that’s all you’ll ever feel. It makes you forget what happiness feels like. I can only remember two periods in particular where I felt pure joy. They didn’t last very long, not as long as sadness. I’ve grown to believe I will never be happy and all these good times are temporary. When it’s gone, I’ll be left disappointed. That’s why I’m so afraid to be happy sometimes. Not afraid to be happy, but afraid of what comes next. Afraid of having it ripped away from me. Makes me feel let down, disappointed. In the periods of pure sadness, there are a few good moments where I would feel pretty good, but it doesn’t last a significant amount. It could last a couple of moments in a day. To keep from feeling the full weight of my sadness, I tend to distract myself. It provides temporary relief. It’s just that I don’t know how long I can keep going with the temporaries. I can only distract myself for so long. I can’t keep my hopes up and then be disappointed in the end.