So I got out of hospital 3 weeks ago where I first recieved the diagnosis. I start DBT Tuesday.

Being out has been incredibly difficult for me I havent coped, I've spiralled. I feel like I was left to kind of fend for myself with this new diagnosis and I dont have the skills or the motivation to cope.

This weekend has pushed me to my boundaries a bit. I havent worked in months and picked up a day friday and it set me off, the entire time I struggle to hold it together and I was extremely paranoid that everyone could see I was fucked in the head and I felt different. Since Friday I've been very suicidal and I just want to punish myself my regular means have been taken away and I realised how desperate I was when I've been using new objects I've never thought to before.

My question is what do I do. I feel incredibly guilty to go back to hospital. I feel like they'll judge me or think I'm doing it for attention and I had a family member tell me "to not use the hospital as a safety net, only go if you absolutely need to" and since I've heard that I feel more like everything thinks this is just an attention grab. What do I do? What are my other options?