I HATED the handful of people I knew with BPD before I realized that I had it. I really really feel guilty about it but I also think it’s because I saw myself in them and was in a deep denial. 

Idk, because they’ve done bad things to my friends in the past, I’ve already split on them so I still don’t like them years later but I do feel bad about it because while mental health doesn’t excuse literal physical/emotional abuse, I do understand the illness and idk. I just feel a shit ton of cognitive dissonance. They crossed the line but we also experience similar things? 
I don’t know how to deal with non black and white judgement of people. It makes me wonder if people hate me like that too, which scares me because while I haven’t ever abused anyone, I’ve cut people off a little too ruthlessly out of self preservation. Idk if that hurt them. I’m not going to pretend that I’m the most amiable person. I can be mean sometimes I guess, and now I’m hyper aware of that. Does anyone else get this?