Yeah. It works. Can't fuck up anything when there is nothing to fuck up. That's my thinking. And it works. It feels empty, I'm focused only on studying and reading, but it works.

What about falling in love? It was toxic. It's been a year, still haunts me to this day. Pain.

What about meeting new people? Only trouble, no point in that, half of them would not stay with me for over 1 hour if I dont suppress my feelings. Overall result? Pain.

What about trying to fix my life? What about that emotional abuse in the primary school by classmates and teachers? Pain, pain everywhere.

Where there were people, there was pain. Hopefully, I'm going to a college in a few months, studying is the only point in my life. I'm a dead man walking, a dead moody man with a terrible social phobia and a broken heart.

Fuck people. Fuck limerence. Fuck attachments. Fuck relationships. So far it has only complicated my life. Made me feel like this is a purgatory of some sort.