I know this is more for relationship advice but I figured people here might have a good insight as well.


We’ve been together for 10 months and we constantly argue, at least 3 or 4 times a week. She has BPD and I have pretty bad ADHD. Most arguments we have start off with something seemingly insignificant to me blowing up into mood swings for her and then I can’t deal with it perfectly (which idk if anyone can). Example: Today we were on call having a good time then I hung up to listen to a voice message and said I’d be right back, I call 15 seconds later and she sounded annoyed but it was fine. A couple minutes later I wanted to listen to another voice message someone had just sent me so I said I’d be right back just give me a few seconds, I hang up she texts me not to call her back. I just say okay and she gets upset, texts me “are you fucking joking?” And then calls me back saying she just wanted my attention. I told her I don’t care for passive aggressive behavior and that if she wanted attention she could’ve just called me. Then she starts crying saying no one cares about her nobody listens not her family not me etc. I comforted her and told her I love her the whole time from start to finish. Here’s where my ADHD comes in, I have trouble just keeping stuff to myself and I kinda whispered “we just woke up can’t you save-“ then I stopped myself realizing that was insensitive and she starts crying harder. I also asked her really nicely “can you please stop having a mood swing honey” because she had told me before that it helps when she knows she’s having a mood swing so I should tell her. She called me insensitive and says she’s tired of being a burden to everyone. I told her she’s not a burden and I love her but I needed space then she apologized and begged me not to go. Eventually she let me go just to call me back a few minutes later and she apologized a ton saying she knows I didn’t do anything wrong and that she’s gonna do better and I don’t need to worry about her ruining my days anymore. I don’t know what to do, she’s in therapy and she really wants to fix herself but I’m afraid this is something I’d have to deal with indefinitely. It takes a real toll on my mental health to have these fights almost daily and listen to someone I love cry over me every day. She says I shouldn’t be affected because I should know she doesn’t mean any of it but it’s impossible to not care. I don’t know what to do or how to fix it.