This might be a bit odd/weird, and I'm not sure if this is part of a specific 'diagnosis' or anything, but I wanted to know if anyone else has struggled with similar,,,
 
I tend to go through periods where I reflexively 'grade' myself, constantly. Like, I will judge everything that I do, say, think, and award myself or take away points based off my 'performance', how well I 'match up' to what others expect of me, etc. Often this 'grading' is heavily skewed towards punishing 'bad' or 'imperfect' behaviour.... like, I could save a child from a burning building and that would earn me 5 "points", but getting caught scratching my ass would lose me 80 points. Largely it seems like a very strange way for my brain to control and punish me for any perceived "failures" or "imperfections" blowing up what usually would be small issues, or even Normal, as big world-ending Failures and Black Marks against me,,, And if allowed to worsen, this can result in my brain "punishing" me for my low scores. 

This can spiral out of control to the point that my brain/inner critic is "grading" literally Everything, and subsequently punishing me for every perceived failing. Breathing too heavily, -80 points, disgusting and annoying, must suffer as punishment. Laughed too loudly, -120 points, annoying and embarrassing, not allowed to laugh around others. Dropped food while eating, -400 points, disgusting and rude to your companions and no one will ever want to look at you again, not allowed to eat around others or must starve for several days as punishment.
 
I have been mostly free of this...... state for quite a while, but I have noticed that as someone has gained romantic interest in me recently, these thoughts and perceptions are creeping back in, I am hyper aware of my actions and other's perceptions of me and I am being 'graded' again. It's nowhere near as bad as it has been in the past, but it's distressing and frustrating and I wish I were just normal and didn't feel or think these things.

Anyone else struggle with something similar? At all? I don't think I've ever really heard someone talk about something like this, at least not to this kind of extreme.