I'm just going to say that what's about to follow is just depressing, so proceed cautiously. 

I've debated on whether or not to post this song link since it's really not the most positive, but it's fascinating to me, so I'm going to share it anyway. Not only is it a beautiful song musically, but the lyrics speak exactly to what my experience has been after being diagnosed and the feeling of going back over all of my relationships and discovering the part I've played in damaging them. You can't fix what you don't accept to be broken, right? 

Anyway, I've found myself thinking things like, "did I ever truly love him or was I in love with the idea of him making me whole? Am I really fully loving if I'm always holding back in an attempt to protect myself, constantly on guard and pushing people away? Do I ever love like I suspect healthier people do?" I'm not sure. These are things I'm really going to have to focus on as I work toward recovery I suppose. 

If anyone has any songs that have resonated with them that they'd like to share, add them below. I'd be interested in checking them out. Thanks. 

[Damien Rice - My Favourite Faded Fantasy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayYwXA9u_qs)