this is half rant, half me begging for life advice

i'm almost convinced the bank is stealing money from me. except i know that's not true, it's obviously just my irresponsible spending and shitty budgeting skills. it just feels like no matter what i do, i can't save money. sometimes i'll go through my bank account history to see how the hell i managed to run through my entire paycheck in one weekend but even seeing all of the transactions in a list doesn't help. i'm literally looking at the numbers add up and i *still* can't make sense of where my money's going. i've tried every type of monthly budget tracker there is, restricted savings accounts, leaving my debit card at home and only carrying cash.

anyone who looked at my financials would be appalled. i definitely shouldn't be struggling like this. i'm not rich but i don't make a small amount of money (income wise i'm in the top 40%), i'm single with no kids, i live with my mother rent free (i pay the electric and heat bills), my dad pays my car note (i pay the insurance). the only other expenses i have are my phone bill, medical bills, food, and gas.

(full disclosure, i probably definitely spend way too much on drugs. it's something that i'm working on and i've actually cut out pretty much everything but adderall and the occasional dose of e at a party. while it's not helping my money issues, i'm not spending enough on it to make a significant difference anymore. i actually worked it into my current budget, which also forces me to cut down on how much i use.)

i want to move into my own place this year. on paper, i can afford to. i put together a projected monthly budget based on local rent prices and based on that, i *should* have plenty of money left. yet now, with only a few hundred in monthly bills, i usually end the month with change.

i know i can't keep going like this but i don't know what to do about it. when i ask in financial forums, they just tell me that i need to stop being so irresponsible with my money (duh), but this doesn't really address the underlying issue of *why* i have this disconnect between what i should be spending and what i'm actually spending.

i realized that i've never tried to address my money issues from a mental health standpoint. sure, saving money seems pretty straightforward, til you add in a brain that can barely understand itself and lacks basic impulse control. **so i'm reaching out here because i'd like to hear some BPD specific tips for saving, budgeting, and financial literacy.**