Have you ever had that feeling? I think most of us had.
I feel a lack of something that I don't even know what it is and I try to fulfill it with random things that sometimes end up turning into an addiction on something to forget about reality.
I don't understand why I feel so lonely so empty so sad, there's no logical reason and I don't know what to do so I end up thinking about very bad things all the time and nothing looks capable to keep me distant from those feelings.
I take my medicines to control that but sometimes it doesn't matter, I've been treated for almost 4 years since it started, I had help from a public service in my country but I started missing appointments and then they dispensed me, it happened some years ago and then I started being treated only with medication without any psychologist. My mental condition worsened, now my thoughts are confusing and can't see days passing, everything is so fast and everyday the same, I can't comprehend anything now, I can't breathe my body is heavy and my heart looks like it's being squeezed.
I don't know who I am, I can't feel things like they really are, I don't know why I need another human near me to prevent me collapsing, I don't want anyone but at the same time a need, I need someone but that person is just an idealized concept of someone that'll never exist. It's hurtful to stay alive and my mind is corrupted the way I see the world and others was corrupted by it, everything is a lie.

-Sorry about the English mistakes that I must've had done, I'm from Brazil and I have been studying English for one year but my knowledge about it isn't perfect.