My therapist said he couldn’t see me anymore because I won’t take medication seriously. This is super disheartening as I am scared to take any type of medication for my anxiety or depression, and I feel there are many other avenues out there to explore. The compounding variable is that the brain fog I feel makes it super difficult to plan or rationalize with myself when I am feeling very anxious or depressed. When I had more clarity of mind I felt more in control, more emotive, more responsive. Now feel a lot of nothingness. I want to be normal again so bad. And the fact that I want it hopefully means I am not 100% dead inside, but I’m just a fucking vegetable at this point watching the days go by while I work my job and see some friends on the weekends. 

I can’t remember the last time I felt happy. But I really want something that is alternative to medication to get me there.