I grew up in a highly abusive family. I used to be kinda toxic (but definitely not as toxic as them). I am a self-aware person and I work on my recovery every single day. I still feel like I'm a horrible person? I can make one tiny mistake and feel like I should kill myself. Even when other ppl tell me it was no big deal at all. I wonder if this means that I see everything in black and white? I hate myself so much, I guess I might be splitting on myself. My intrusive thoughts are going crazy rn.

(Also growing up my insane mother always saw me as a monster, even when I did nothing wrong. I was always the scapegoat. So that might be the reason for my suffering)