I defined myself a lot around BPD and saw it as a definite label rather than a set of symptoms that I needed to work on. I was never fully diagnosed with it - I was only diagnosed with BPD traits (I think I was 1 symptom off of a full diagnosis which also points to how arbitrary the DSM can get at times), but at the end of the day I needed to stop relying on labels so much. 

Did it really really matter whether I was “fully BPD” or “only partially BPD?” Not really; but it did matter for me to stop hurting myself, to stop making self destructive decisions, to stop letting my emotions absolutely devastate me and get in the way of daily functioning. It didn’t make it any more or less valid for me to find support in BPD forums whether I had severe BPD or just parts of it. 

A label helped explain some things but as usual I used it to define myself too much. I was focusing too much on exactly what problem I had and how it defined my life, and less on how to resolve those problems. 

My newer recent diagnosis from a psychiatrist was basically: “you don’t quite meet the full criteria for BPD, but you do when you’re in a bad/stressful time in your life. But DBT will help you regardless.”

I think in the past I definitely wouldn’t have been satisfied with that - do I have it or don’t I? Who the fuck am I then and what’s wrong with me? But now I think the better attitude is to focus more on the DBT and a bit less on exactly what brand of fucked up I am, yknow? 

I may or may not have BPD but it still doesn’t define me, and I’ll be happy when it’s in remission, or more or less gone from my life. I used to feel guilty about wanting it gone too because I was very deep into the BPD community and didn’t want to feel like I was turning my back on it. But isn’t the goal at the end of the day, for all of us, to get better and feel better?