I used to be loud, confrontational, provocative. Went to lots of wild parties, became a stripper, did drugs and I was very unapologetic about it all. Two years ago I met someone I fell madly in love with. We hit it off, but he broke up with me saying he didn't want a relationship. He also said that he was scared off by the intensity - the amount of partying and sex we had was too much for him. Ever since I've been trying to change and I really am changing. I can no longer think back to my past without cringing. I pretty much gave up drugs, cigarettes and alcohol and live a healthy lifestyle with exercise, the latter of which I do together with my ex a lot. Deep down I'm hoping that he will give me another chance if he sees that I really am changing. I'm not interested in my old habits anymore, even my old friends I'm leaving behind, because I think that they are not good for me. But I don't know if this is just a BPD identity crisis. Maybe if he told me that he wants to party and have sex, I would be back to the same old me in an instant. All I want is a relationship with him. I'm so, so scared, that it will never happen. :((  