As the title states... My abandonment issues are flaring up again. A little. A little venting. I'm a total mess in my bed right now..

I began going to my therapist in early 2018 and we've been meeting basically every / every other week since then. We got pretty close, at least from my perspective. But: my part of the clinic, the clinic specialized in BPD and other personality disorders, is moving to a new part of the city. It'll be pretty far for me now actually, instead of the 4 minutes by bus that it takes me to get there right now.. Anyway. My therapist will stay at the old clinic where they will only have ADHD focus from now on. I do have ADHD as well, but they feel it's more beneficial for me to be at the BPD clinic. I was prepared. I truly was. I've known about it for a while now. They set me up with a new therapist. My hope was that we could maybe meet her together, but with restrictions etc maybe it just wasn't possible. My therapist switches clinic in just a little while; Oct. 12th.

I just left her office now. The last time I'm gonna see her. Maybe even the last time ever even though we live in the same town.. We hugged for the first time. We are both double vaccinated and restrictions will be lifted here in Sweden tomorrow. I cried when she told me she'll always carry me "in here" with her hand on her heart. Her eyes watered as well. No visible tears but I know it's probably hard for her as well. I've come a long way though and she leaves me happy with how much I've grown as a person. I've come a really long way and she's proud of me. Those are all some of the things she's told me in the last month or so.

I'm still a mess right now. I feel sad and empty. Because I'm also just now realizing my ex is moving away to another city. We separated in May of this year. (Not a huge loss since he was toxic, but still a safety net removed from my life.) Another thing I'm realizing is that he's taking my cat with him. She's not really my cat anymore, but she was for 4 years. He's the owner now. Three important figures in my life are now disappearing and I feel lonely. And empty. And abandoned. This is far from the hardest thing I've gone through in my life, but it still hurts a lot. I'm not sure how much of my DBT skills I will be able to apply to this situation right now. Right now I want to binge eat and get drunk and cut myself and have sex all at the same time.

But I won't, because my therapist expects better behavior from me from now on.