Ok, so j post earlier but dont see it on here. Maybe it was to crazy or  something so I'll try again with different words.

So broke up long term relationship due to shady, abusive, disloyal shit coming from the ex.

I went no contact for a few months but haven't been able to get him out of my mind. Literally feel like I'm going to die sometimes or end up on the show snapped.

Anyways, I finally broke down recently and went to go see him. Nothing positive  came from the visit. He was very arrogant when he seen me crying, almost like you could see the blank eyes with  smirk on his face.

He started yelling at me and I basically embarrassed myself.

So I was consumed with revenge by hurting him emotionally just to restore balance. This would make me feel so much better seeing his ass mentally &amp; emotionally wrecked just like he's done to me.

Now I know the best thing is to move on with someone better but I haven't been able to do that.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going to go insane because I'm trying to avoid him but the attachment to him is to strong.

I dont want to do anything more stupid than I already have so i guess what I'm trying to ask is, how the hell do you change your view of this ex into someone who you hate and dont care about? 

Like I'm not trying to stalk him, call him, text, etc. 
.what medications help people turn off feelings? Legal or non legal. I dont care and I am dying from the pain.  I'm tired of this torture and so desperately want to move on and leave him in the past.