i first tasted what a panic attack does to you in 5th fucking grade (i didnt realize it then) and it’s only gotten progressively worse and worse throughout the years. i worry about every single aspect of my life. i worry about all my facial features, my skin, my teeth, my limbs, my torso, my hair. every part of my body i feel extremely self conscious over and i sit there for hours thinking about it all having all these intrusive thoughts.

i don’t just feel self conscious about my physical body, but literally EVERY aspect of my life. how i walk, the way i talk, how i sit, the way my house looks, the way my family members look, how my own CAT looks, all the decisions i’ve made, everything. 

if i could describe myself in one word i would say “embarassing” i hate hate hate being me. i cannot accept being me. it is so hard to love myself. it is so hard to not overanalyzeEVERYTHING!!!!!!!!

how the fuck do i stop thinking. why do brains have to be so complex????? how do i learn to love myself when my entire existence disgusts me and puts me in a panic state almost every single day to the point where i feel like throwing up and my heart beating out my chest ???? 

i cant keep living like this. it’s been over a year of constant worrying