for the first time in forever, ive been struggling with heavy depression. one minute im fine and the next im crying bc death seems so sudden &amp; life seems so useless. my medicine that im on is definitely causing this behavior. 

normally, i wouldnt talk to any friends or family abt this but ever since ive been on this medicine im more open abt my feelings. &amp; everytime my mood goes so low to the point im ready to off myself, i go to my mom. &amp; she somehow makes it abt herself &amp; that she doesnt wanna deal with it rn. &amp; that im blaming everything on her when im just ranting about how difficult life is. 

im 17 &amp; i keep telling her that "im ur child, im allowed to coms to u. &amp; you're supposed to listen." last time my depression was rlly bad, i was 11-14. &amp; i had a very bad relationship with my mom then. but when i got happier, our relationship got better. but it seems like our relationship is falling apart again bc im depressed. 

one time, i told her, "i dont wanna be here anymore." she knew very well what i meant by that &amp; she told me "then, go." &amp; that was in the last month. i just dk what to do