When things in my relationship are good, they’re so good and then the lows of the relationship hit and I feel like this. I don’t act on my feelings but I wish I could understand why I have feelings like this. I love my partner and I love what we have. I feel like a bad person. Should I leave the past 6 years behind or is it just my BPD making me push away another thing that I love? I want a future together don’t I? Isn’t this what I’ve been searching for my whole life? A person that I can give my everything to? I got that, didn’t I? 
What do I want...