i just feel so gross, i was feeling very high and upbeat and 'euphoric' (manic but that's not the correct terminology) and i made plans to hook up with some guy for drugs instead of paying. 

i feel sooooooo fucking gross lmfao like i want to scrub my skin off,  instead of raising my self esteem making me feel like at least i have some sexual worth i feel dirty and disgusting ahehahhshshshdhshs

does anyone else impulsively do sexual things and deeply deeply regret them literally immediately after. out of all harmful things i do for a smidgen of feel good chemicals, this is by far the worst as in it didn't make me happy even in the moment.

i wish i could forget that this ever happened lmfao i genuinely want to convert to a religion or something to get my sins cleared off of my soul i feel so disgusting