I feel like a ghost. I've struggled with depression all my life but I think I really started dying March 2020 when the pandemic started, and then finally completely died March 2021 when something extremely traumatic happened to me. It feels like I'm still stuck there, tethered in certain moments of time and witnessing them as a ghost who has survived my past but not as a whole. I guess I am surprised I am still actually breathing. Still alive, but not actually living by any means. I think I'm waiting for some kind of "Aha!" moment where the roots from which I am tethered to begin to loosen or tear. I don't know how to get to a point where I can escape and live for real, with joy, with genuine peace and happiness, where the past is really just that-- in the past and not being carried with me as if I am experiencing it today. But I don't know how to get there. Hopefully, in time.