So long story short I cant see a therapist right now but have seen one the majority of my life. I grew up in a very unstable household, my father was a raging alcoholic who drank himself to death and died when I was 17, and my mom is very unstable mentally and my grandmother is the same, and I grew up with them fighting and putting me in the middle. I will just get to it and list the reasons I fear I have BPD.

\-I can be very manipulative, starting fights and then putting it back onto the person im fighting with and playing victim until I either get an apology, or until they completely break and I can act like the hero and save them from their emotional turmoil.

\-I HATE when people dont like me. I think about it forever, I obsess over it. I cant stop thinking about it, and I trash their name to anyone and everyone if they have wronged me.

\-Friends is a weird situation. I have many friends, many many close friends. Some I have grown up with and some I have met in college and we are very very close, but I also have many enemies. People either absolutely love and adore me or they absolutely despise and hate me. If a friendship ends with me it usually ends in absolute FLAMES. I have had one steady boyfriend for two and a half years and we are exes now and speak every single day and still love each other, but have had our fair share of drama and fighting, including with his friends and I.

\-I wouldnt say I like drama at all, it makes me sick and I enjoy when things are peaceful, but I am almost addicted to it. I have a way of starting fights but have recently been working very very hard on communicating and making sure im expressing myself first, or else if I hold it in things explode.

\-When people describe me the terms I hear alot are "very strong opinions," "confrontational," "a bitch," "stong willed," "confident."

\-Men LOVE me. Every man I have ever had a talking stage with or hooked up with comes back and tries to stay in my life. Women seem to not like me as much, I become friends with women very quickly and we hangout all the time and then it ends badly. I have about 5 very close women friends who I would consider best friends.

I have always known exactly who I am and have a very very strong identity and cut people off easily, and I would say I am somewhat insecure. I get upset if my friends do not want to hangout, or if I find out they say they cannot hangout and hang with other people. I am usually with friends alot but can flip about plans changing, feeling left out, feeling lied to, etc etc. I have been professionally diagnosed with OCD and Panic Disorder, and I feel like most of my problems stem from the chaos surrounding my childhood and the fear of abandonment, and the fact that the only way of communicating to my parents was through fighting,but ive been lookng into BPD and have convinced myself I have it and im terrified. I have improved alot on criticism and apologizing and communication but I really struggle with insecurity and feeling like the world revolves around me. I know I cant be diagnosed here but does this sound like BPD?