i'm 19nb (AFAB, this is important because i wasn't diagnosed until 2020. i've been depressed since late elementary school) and taking medication for my major depressive disorder. 

it's mostly been... better than it was. therapy helps a ton, and i've been able to leave the house and Do Things. i like staying at home most of the time but going out is fun.

but sometimes i get hit with waves of depression. they're not full-on depressive episodes (i get those too, but that's a different story) but they're mini episodes that last one to three days. and it feels so bad. it's somehow worse than being depressed all the fucking time. 

i hate this disorder. if the meds don't fix it what's the fucking point?