It's been two years since I've gone to school because of covid... I just rarely stepped out of my house maybe like 2 or 3 times a year. I had dropped out in 2018 because of which I got severely depressed, I wouldn't even step out of my room and spent 9 months at home( didn't even go out once). I always had thoughts like I was a failure and because I was bullied by my classmates the previous years , I thought it was so unfair that because of them I'm having emotional trauma but they just kept progressing in their life. No one knew I had dropped out, everyone thought I had changed schools. Then in 2019 I joined 11th grade and seemed to be doing good in my studies at my new school but everything went down the drain once covid hit .... all those things of past kept haunting me.

Once again I had no interest in anything couldn't even focus on my studies which led me to have mediocre grades in 12th grade. And I couldn't get accepted to a college.
So my parents convinced me to take a gap year and study for entrance exam for which I'll be going to coaching institutions. I opted for online classes but they'll only conduct them for a few days and I'll have to go attend classes offline and I'm so scared. I did meet a psychiatrist last year and continued therapy for several months and I seemed to get better ( atleast now I do daily chores which I had trouble doing before) but I don't really know how to go out. I'm always in fear that I might meet my ex classmates or teachers or my parents friends. They've always known me as someone who has always got top grades, but the reality is I'm a dropper and a failure.
I've trouble doing Normal activities like going out with your friends or even going by yourself to buy a snack which is so easy for other kids.
I always hide in my room when guests visit.

 Even though I do go outside like for shopping or something I'll always go with my mom and be in constant state of nervousness of meetings one of my schoolmates as they live near my vicinity.
I don't have trouble making friends but I've trouble making them last because I always push them away in fear that the past will repeat itself. It feels like I'm living in 2018 again and again.