I get it you know. I'm not dying of cancer, I'm not severely disabled. There's no real reason I should be on disability at 21.

I had a breakdown during uni, developed chronic pain too. Made some stupid choices. Got hooked on stuff, became a junkie. Lost myself. With effort I've quit drugs. Stopped drinking. And slowly improved.

But I'm a fucking mess. I have no confidence. No self worth. I hate myself. I'm tired constantly. I'm disgusted with myself. I haven't felt any self pride in years.

I was telling my sister that I was struggling and had no money. She said "have you thought about getting a job". Ofc I have! I went to college, I did voluntary work, but after I tried to get my degree I just completely shut down. I haven't been able to get myself out of this and it's been 2 years.

I volunteered every Saturday for almost 2 years in a charity shop. I did my gcses at college and did a mixed construction and engineering course from 16-19yrs old. Then at 19 went to study for my degree and dropped out a couple months in.

I lost everything. Bereavement, neglect, and this fucking shitty illness. And I tried to move on. But I can't.

So thanks sis for twisting the knife as I'm crying texting you because I can't afford food. Thanks for rubbing it in my face how much of a obvious failure I am. Thanks for everything.

I know I'm a fuck up failure. But I didn't need to feel this way tonight. I can't stop crying.