Most of the negative things I say to myself, are me trying to ground myself from spiraling into a narcissistic maniac which idk if that will actually happen or not. I mean my fathers got npd and theres no denying I have traits myself. 

My dads narcisissm, especially when me and my siblings were little, manifested through morality. He shamed us for everything, called us a jerk for everything. My moms not exactly like that but she was big on guilt tripping and still is thiugh it doesnt phase me as much anymore besides throwing me into a whirlwind of anger.

I want to be confident, and I want to believe in myself, but I always struggled w that as a kid. I remember believing that confidence meant believing in yourself even when you might be wrong. I tried that, and it backfired on me. Elementary and middle school was a rough time. 

Now i think i have a more clear outlook on what it is, but I don't want to not take peoples opinions about me out of consideration, but i don't want it to destroy me either. And idk how to meet in the middle.