But the worst part has been the aftermath. Like nothing else I feel more empty than ever and I can’t function for more than an hour without overbearing sadness, guilt or shame. I sent two of my friends pictures of what I had done to myself because I was in a state or depression anger and panic and was upset at them for not seeming to notice or care.

They said they were coming over and I freaked and ran. They thought I was dead. My family thought I was dead. They found me an hour later I had cut my arms and swallowed a shit ton of pills but I didn’t really do it with much thought of how effective it would be. 

I go to emergency hospital and they eventually check me out at 3am because I said the right things so they didn’t put me in a psych ward. My two best friends are very upset and traumatised by my actions and need time to themselves but I need them to cope and I can’t fucking do this to everyone again. I don’t what to do. I’m so alone, what can I even do to waste away the time?