Every once in a blue moon I find myself thinking back to my early 20’s when the world seemed a much brighter place. Usually prompted by a nostalgic song I can recall the feeling of optimism and general sense that the whole world was just there for the taking. As this was early on in my diagnosis I hadn’t really thought about the implications of Bipolar disorder, and certainly never considered that everyone else didn’t feel quite so vividly and without abandon. 

Fast forward to nearly a decade later and my life is entirely different. Between COVID, general maturation, and years of therapy I feel so unrelated to my younger self. 

I realize everyone likely looks back on their life at some point and has to mourn the versions of their life that could have played out, but I feel this so acutely from time to time. 

This could very well be nothing more than an indulgent sad moment I’m allowing myself, but I’m curious if any of you also look back at life moments and wonder what if.