today is one of those really bad days, i can barely move my body and my brain is all scrambled, i feel like everything in my life is going down and i’m the reason for it 

i am diagnosed with bpd by a psychologist! 

on a day to day basis i’m doing really great and my progress in therapy is amazing. but there’s are these days…. these horrific days that come periodically. i had a talk with my mom and i told her exactly what’s going on in my head, like a crowd of people are fighting over millions of subjects that are all different and all at the same time and with that background i have to keep a normal life going. she doesn’t understand me but she is really supportive. i just want someone who know what it feels like to hear me and to just understand, i just want to know that someone understands this shit i’m going thru, it’s just so hard and consuming and i don’t know really if someone will ever read this but i launch it in the ether:)

i really don’t know what i did to deserve this and why do i have to be like this and not like the ordinary, but i guess we all think that

if you read this thank you for your time 

also i’ve been on meds since august 2021 and i’ve had a huge progress but my bpd swings are really intense and last longer now. my suicidal thoughts have been gone for a while but there’s this thing inside me like a comfort zone that craves fantasizing death and suicide. has anyone went thru that?

i wish y’all good and sorry for this unnecessary vent :)