I (27F) have a huge problem with my emotions and anger and need to find the right help fast.

My emotions and thoughts consume me and I act in rage. I thought this was something I could fix myself but I honestly don’t feel like I have control when these episodes hit. My BF (28M) has made me realize that I’m an abuser and our relationship is headed down the drain if I don’t get my act together real quick. 

Although I’ve never abused him in the sense of punching, bruising, etc., I have gotten somewhat physical. There has been times after an argument where I climbed on top of him in attempt to get him to talk to me, kicked at him, pinched him, screamed at the top of my lungs, knocked over chairs, slammed doors.... If I’m not with him then I blow up his phone until I get an answer. The sad part is these rages usually start by something so small and stupid. 

This is not a relationship problem, this is a ME problem. And the person I become at times is not me at all. It’s like I have the ability to turn into this monster and I don’t even realize it’s happening. I get to a level of angry and lose control of my actions. Most of the time I basically “blackout” during them and the whole episode is a blur to me. Aside from these rages, our relationship has been great these last few years, so it’s not like I even have a reason or any underlying motives that make me act in such a way. 

I’m so ashamed of myself and want to get this under control before it gets worse, but don’t know exactly where to go for help. Is this something I could resolve with a counselor or would it be best to visit someone in the medical profession? And if a doctor is my best route, what speciality should I seek (psychiatric, psychotherapy, therapist,....)?