I am F 24 and graduated over a year ago. I entered the workforce pretty late (age 20) due to mental health issues (i was too depressed to be motivated to work). I've had only casual retail jobs ever since, but all were pretty bad - shifts were EXTREMELY inconsistent - i'd go months without shifts, never made friends at work and retail sucks in general cos i hate small talk and faking my personality. i'd go long ass periods of being unemployed because i hated working so much. because of my shitty experience with the workforce, i DREAD getting a 'real job'. the thought of working full time actually makes me suicidal.

ofc my parents expect me to have an actual job by now, i've been basically unemployed all year and dealing with alot of personal &amp; mental issues that i can't explain to them. it sucks because i have a good degree (marketing &amp; advertising comms + accounting) and i am making no use of it. i feel extremely ashamed and guilty bc my immigrant parents who sacrificed their entire lives for me think i'm a bum and a lost cause now (i don't blame them). it has taken me 2 years to finally start applying for more advanced roles in my field and other office jobs. 

however, mentally, i am just so petrified of getting a 'real' job. i don't think my brain can handle it. i can't wake up early, i have zero routine, i hate formalities, corporate culture, work etiquette, deadlines, procedures, company guidelines, being told what to do etc. And the PRESSURE of having people and entire teams rely on you? man too much for me.

this might sound weird, but one of the only things i like about myself is my imagination. i have a very colourful imagination, am very witty and believe i have a lot of good ideas and a creative mind. i feel like the corporate world will suck my soul dry and i will have zero personality left. i think this bc back when i was working 25 hrs/week at retail i felt so drained and boring. all i'd think about was work and wanting to go to sleep. i can't imagine what 40+ hours would do to me. i also highly value social time, personal time, having free time to pursue hobbies/self expression etc. i do not believe full time work accommodates for that. i've become extremely anti-capitalist these last few years and i despise work culture. anyone feel the same and what do they suggest for me? Thanks.