Long story shot last Thursday I had a panic attack because I let myself get drowned by the fear of dying and I saw myself ceasing to exist and never being here again. It was so awful I ended up with a lot of consequences:

1.- Vivid Hallucinations of everyone dying, even actors on TV

2.- Constant fear of dying and experiencing death

3.- Everything around me is a reminder of death 

4.- Fear of seeing TV (actors will die), listening music (singers are death), social media (old profile pictures of people are a reminder they are now closer to death), fear of spending time.

I have started going to therapy, antidepressants and anxiolytics.

Before that event I used to enjoy my days, found meaning in everything, was ready to face death, worked hard in myself and in my job. I too have friends and a gf. 

However recently I can’t find meaning in anything, I’m just performing actions when I can, without any glimpse of enthusiasm. My head resorts to “you are going to die and everyone else also, there is no point”.

I looked myself in the mirror and my mind told me “in a couple of years there’s going to be no reflection, you will not exist”.

And while I’m constantly being bombarded by this and feeling down I’m also thinking that I don’t want to keep on this life if I have to see my loved ones go, one by one. I just don’t see the point of being here or doing anything. 

Today is my second day of therapy with the psychologist.

Thanks for reading.