The last few weeks have been hard for me, full of pain. The guilt, regrets, loss. I tired to take my life for the first time, but after a lot of thinking and time I have came to a conclusion. 

I've learnt not to be so hard on myself. I blame myself too much and it just makes me worse. All I can do is learn to be a better and bigger person. I don't want to be the person I use to be anymore as that person got me to where I am now. I want to be better than that person and become the best version of myself bpd or no bpd. But no matter age, I still have time to sort myself out.

Your mind is who you are and everything you do. Becoming aware of your mistakes and who you are is important. Most people will never find themselfs, as people are constantly changing and learning, its almost impossible to define yourself. And that's okay, even if I never find myself, or fall again and again; I can always learn and keep pushing. Life is complex and the mind even more so, even more so with bpd. But we can all have a goal, and if we reach it we can push it further.

Its not going to be easy, I know I will still have bad times and will struggle to keep up a possitive mind set with bpd. But I can adampt, change, improve, learn and expand my knowlage of the world and myself. 

I realise now what I need to do and who I want to be. Way I see it is life is a journey, stuff isn't suppose to happen but when stuff goes badly you can learn from it and in the end it makes you better. All this bpd stuff, in the end I know it will help me become a better version of myself once I have past it. It's like bones, when they brake they end up becoming stronger than before.

Thank you for reading and sorry for any spelling errors as I am highly dyslexic.