So this guy (m 21) and I (m 25) were friends for awhile and feelings started to blossom between us. We both had gone through recent breakups and were working on healing. Neither of us expected the feelings to grow, and they did. So we started talking about our future together, asking each other important relationship questions. We would talk to each other every chance we got. He was extremely loving and romantic with me, attentive. He was always asking me how my day was, if there was anything he could do to help, etc. This went on for about a month. 

One night he said he ran into a friend and they decided to see a movie. Something felt off but I ignored it. Three hours later he comes back saying they didn’t see a movie and they were sold out. ( ?? ) so he said he needs to think about stuff and go to bed. I asked if I should worry and he said he can’t answer that. (Uh?) So I left it at that and I went to sleep. The next morning he breaks up with me saying because of his depression issues he’s not emotionally reliable right now, and that maybe we could try again once things calm down for him, and we could be good friends.

Well we were trying that for awhile. It was painful af but I was doing it. Then a bit later he’d initiate sexual convos and I was confused thinking he wanted me back. I loved him so we ended up sexting a few times. He hinted at wanting a picture once but I’d always been shy. So I finally ask him once if he’d want one and he said “you need to remember we’re not dating.” (???) like no shit but dude you’re the one being fine with being sexual? And things felt off like he’d start to get really hot and cold with me. Sometimes he’d be so distant and give me one word answers, yet others he’d be initiating and sending me memes and talking so I was so very confused and hurt. Every time I’d feel something off, I’d ask him and he always reassured me I was fine. Yet during times when I would be spending time with a friend who happened to be male, he’d suddenly either start messaging me or want to show up. It happened a few times. 

So one night I find out from our mutual friend that he shared vulnerable messages I wrote to him and described me as “trying to date him” and that I wasn’t ready for a relationship emotionally ((?)) , he also told the friend we weren’t doing anything sexual which pissed me off because he broke my trust and lied to him and lied to me that things were fine. I also found out he was “kind of back together” with his ex, which he never told me. So I confronted him, he cried and said my message to him made him feel like he’d rather die, and that he’d do anything to keep me around as a friend. He said his feelings for me were genuine, and that his “ex” only started talking to him again that week. He said him and his ex “aren’t really going on, they’re just complicated” so I questioned that because he told me, that relationships weren’t on his mind at all because of his issues, and he said “I’m not in a safe place right now, so I can’t really commit to anything.” I’m having such a hard time trusting him, that it even feels like this is a lie. 

So he promised me he wouldn’t ever be dishonest with me again. So tonight I was trying to strike up casual convo, and he hits me with me “get some sleep”. At 1am, on a Saturday. I’m like if that’s you trying to tell me not to bother you, say so. He’s like you need sleep. (??)) So here we are. I really don’t understand this hot and cold dynamic and I’m hurt, tired, confused and sad.  

Tl;dr - Guy I had a thing with who is currently a friend is giving me a lot of hot and cold signals, he’s lied to me I confronted him, he cried and begged for me back. He’s initiated things sexually with me since breaking up despite talking to his ex again that he didn’t tell me about, yet claims he “can’t commit right now.”