I’ve struggled so much to get a diagnosis because every time I go to therapy (usually for like half a year each time) I randomly stop going. I just never go back and then find a new therapist. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want help that screws me over each time. I know I have an ED, I have since I was a young teen. I’ve self harmed since I was a young teen. I’m 23 now. 

I know there is something going on more than just depression/anxiety which I am diagnosed with. But I suspect something like bipolar/BPD is going on based on my own research but these things take so long to diagnose that I never get there. I also downplay my issues when I go to therapy because I have this habit of making people think I’m ok but I *know* I’m sabotaging my own treatment. 

I feel jealous of people who have a proper diagnosis which is dumb. I feel invalidated and that I’ll never get the right treatment. I feel like therapists only want to talk about my past family issues for months on end which I understand has a lot to do with my mental issues probably but I want to talk about what is going on *now* and that never seems to happen.

I feel like I’ll never be properly diagnosed it’s an awful cycle :(