I have started fights with literally every one of my friends. And by fights, I mean literally telling them to name a time and place so I can bash them. I have also done this with people who aren’t my friends, but people from my past. 

I have irrevocably destroyed my relationship with my only remaining sibling; my sister. I have cut ties with my parents completely. 

I have now also, just now, destroyed my relationship with my partner, and have finally crossed the line where it is now unsalvageable. 

Do I blame it on the drugs? The alcohol? The depression? The anxiety? The BPD? The childhood trauma? 

No, this is purely down to me being a selfish, self centred, unempathetic piece of shit. I have now dug my grave, and soon it will be time to lay in it.