Extremely long story short, she had a BPD diagnosis when I met her. She had stopped seeing her long term therapist after some insurance issue. The next therapist she started seeing gave her PTSD diagnosis, which I think is accurate, but the BPD went off the table and I haven't thought about it until recently. She has overcome so many of her problems in the 6 years we were together, but something was still so off. Now that I have done some research, the splitting, the smothering, the exaggerations or simplifications of the truth, the constant need for validation....

The day it was over I lost it and screamed at her because she was texting me the whole day about all of my problems and how I ruined our marriage, claiming she wanted to help the whole way through. I have said so many times over the last year that she needs to save those tough conversations for marriage counseling or couch talks, that she can't just text me all day that I feel like I want to get rid of my phone. I absolutely shouldn't have screamed at her, but working with my therapist we figured out that I was emotionally flooded and had fight/flight response. I know it triggered her to be screamed at like that. She ended up taking my son from me for 20 days, filing for divorce, and exaggerating minor issues so much to paint me as a danger to our son.

I really want her to get help for this. Our relationship is definitely over due to the extreme betrayal I feel, but I want her to be happy someday and be able to sort this out. Any criticism is met with such defensiveness (and has been for years) so I feel like I can't even say anything. I wish I had considered the BPD a long time ago so we could have had the perspective.

Not even sure what I'm trying to gain from posting this. A better understanding? Just venting? I feel so bad that I couldn't be the man she needed but at the same time I feel like I was, she just had a big issue that neither of us had perspective of.