I've never posted anywhere on reddit, let alone here so I'm sorry if I mess anything up! As a warning, I'm going to talk about feeling disconnected from my own personhood.

I'm 18 (19 in a couple of months) and I feel like I have never done anything. In a sense, I guess that's true. Because of my anxiety, I have missed or avoided a lot of stuff I guess most people would consider parts of growing up like having meaningful relationships (romantic or platonic), having a job, going to college, etc.

I am genuinely in the best state mentally that I have ever been in right now. I am on medication for my anxiety, I made friends in the last year that I love and who love me, and I'm a lot more comfortable with myself than ever. However, I'm left an adult who was never really a child or a teenager. I don't understand how anything works or where to go from here. It genuinely feels like everyone around me understands while I do not. I don't understand social cues or how to do normal things like phone calls or applying for jobs or just... the way everyday processes work. And I dont know where or how to learn. It feels like everyone knows how to be a person except for me.

All of this in combination with pressure from my mother, being visibly transgender and gay, and having become an adult during quarantine leaves me extremely anxious about where to go from here. How does one go forward in life when they never learned how to live it? And when the very thought of it makes them start shaking?