I used to call my grandma often and she is now in a nursing home and I have trouble calling its a mixture of anxiety, ocd, and paranoia.

I can't hardly even pick up the phone because I have shame thinking my grandma is mad at me for not keeping her out of nursing home and saving her house, paranoia thinking her roommate is judging me when I call and listening to phone call. The last time I called I was frozen with anxiety all I can think of to say was have you seen 1000 pound sisters latley? 

I have not called in two weeks and the longer I wait the harder it gets. 

I feel anxiety is running my life and not allowing me to do the bare minimum to have a relationship with my grandma.

Then aside from that I am constantly upset of her situation I was the closet to her and I feel I am letting her down 

This is all over dramatic but it's my anxiety I am having other issues to. 

She is in another state so can't visit.