At the very beginning of the year (Jan 2 pretty much) I started talking to this guy, and we had many deep interesting conversations. Eventually, we met in person, and had a few dates, and soon he became my boyfriend. Before we made it official, I had opened up about all my mental issues (especially bipolar), and it evidently didn’t deter him at all, to my surprise. It hasn’t been too long since we’ve officially started being in a relationship—I think it’s been almost exactly a month—and it’s going wonderfully. It might be a little foolish to say, but I feel I’ve fallen deeply in love with him, and I feel the feeling is mutual. 

But I’m having some anxiety about this new relationship. I’ve seen the statistics for relationships with bipolar people and it’s not pretty. It’s been months since the last time I was in a dark place with this disorder, and I dread whenever it will rear its ugly head. I’ve scared myself by snooping in r/bipolarSOs and I worry something bad will happen. My dad has bipolar type I (I’m type II) and his relationship with my mom has been rocky for years (they’re not divorced surprisingly), and I fear repeating history. 

I guess what I’m trying to ask is…how can I be mindful to not do anything that would hurt our relationship when I’m depressed or hypomanic? While I’m “sane” or at least clear-headed I feel more in control of my actions and I know I am a loving and caring girlfriend. But when I’m going through changes in my mood, I might believe or say strange things. It feels out of my control sometimes, but I want to believe that there is a way to combat it, or at the very least prepare my boyfriend for these change. 

For reference, I am medicated. I’m on 60 mg geodon, 75 mg Effexor, and 10 mg focalin. I feel the geodon has helped my shifts in mood be less severe; the last time I had a full on breakdown/depressive psychosis, I sent myself to the hospital and that’s where I got my medication adjusted, and my mood has generally been more stable ever since.