Well. boys  looks like its all over. Dont think I can get through this dark winters theres no way. So many problems start to finish from living with parasites that have dragged my life to the ground. Wasted my time. I have tried so many things to move out of this mess. Tried so hard. Everything, but stuck in the same place. Tried moving out for one year with no result, even done driving lessons which complete strangers that did fuck all for me. Looked all over for my purpose in life and just have no answer for it all. I don’t want to do anything and I’m not motivated by anything of this world. All I know is I don’t want to be here. I had this imagination of seeing better days, the sunny days and just being in the moment, but those days just never came. I’m 28. I’ve never had a life of my own. Nobody is thoughtful Nobody is on my side. Everyone makes me out to be a villain and barely takes the time to get to know me. And after yesterday. I aint going back to old ways. People talk shit online, people talk shit in real life, I cant get away from it. You know, to think some people I know sit at home all day, get spoonfed like a fucking manbaby when theyre near 40, and somehow have girls at their room (most likely minors) act fake and try to tear me down when they see me doing something great. Thats what all of them do. But I, try so hard, I get out there and make the effort to talk/find people. But nobody talks to each other, nobody cares about each other and everyone is afraid of each other? Why are they afraid to be their authentic selves? I’m starting to lose hope and don’t have the energy no more. Its not about motivation. I’ve always had motivation, but sometimes its about being realistic. I know when im in unjust situations, when im screwed and considering all the health problems i have, especially havent been sleeping for weeks and months, being plagued by stress and thoughts. I cant do it no more. Im a real person. I dont do this for attention. But I do need to speak to those who understand. I cant be in this alone. But sometimes you have to question if you are the problem, considering all the junk on social media these days, and blind hate online. I cannot tolerate any more negativity. But I need something new. I just dont know what it is yet. I would do so much were I not slowed down by harsh weather, health problems and mental stress. You would wonder whats going on, and I definitely am now. Im just so tired. Maybe I will write later but cant do it no more.