From a young age I was raised in an enviournment that normalized hatred. I was directly taught that elbows hurt more than fists. My father has instilled an underlying rage in my character that, as much as I fight, is merging more with my personality. I've now pushed the closest and most important people in my life, my girlfriend, best friends, and family, away from me out of angry retaliation at the fact that they're identifying my symptoms and offering help. I feel angry at them pointing out my wrongdoings, as if it's intended to further poke at my inadequacy in a personal attack, because I am now conditioned to be suspicious of their intentions and respond in the way I've become accustomed, with rage. I have become my father, and despite the fact that I hate this for myself and wish I was able to show more compassion to the people that I love, I'm too filled with emotion and numbness to do so. I'm watching as my last line of support crumbles and I have nobody to blame but myself.