hi,

i want to start by saying my gf is amazing and i love her so much. she is very passionate and loving and caring. we’ve been together for almost 5 years now. she had a very bad childhood and was abused and neglected by her family, and im very proud of how far she’s come from all the hurt she went through. however, i’m very sure she has bpd. she refuses to go to therapy and has broken down several times when i’ve begged her to go after some of her severe outbursts.  i dont want to force her to go to therapy, but im hoping one day she will. i’ve read some nice self-help books like “loving someone with bpd” that don’t demonize the disorder &amp; am trying to apply as much of dbt as i am able to in our relationship.
despite this, im struggling with one aspect that i dont see much discussed about— over attachment. my gf is my best friend and we spend a lot of time together, we have the same group of friends so we are almost always out together. everyone that knows us knows we’re always together &amp; do everything together. 
recently, i’ve made new friends that i’ve been going out with a few times every couple of weeks &amp; participating in a lot of activities in my university. this takes up 1-2 days during the week but i always try to make time to see her everyday throughout all my plans. every time i go out with friends (without her), she gets very passive aggressive and upset. i do invite her but she says she’s not interested. it takes a while to get her to tell me whats wrong, but she finally opens up and tells me that i fill up my days with plans and that i forget about her (i dont &amp; i’ve tried to reassure her). she said that if i didnt love her anymore i should just tell her, that if i don’t stop she will leave because she deserves better &amp; kind of picked apart everything i’ve ever done wrong. she said a lot of other hurtful things. i tried to calm her down and apologize but she kept getting angrier. i tried to tell her i care about her and love her, and understand that she’s upset but we can talk about it once she’s calmed down. she bursted out in anger &amp; is now ignoring me and convinced i don’t love her anymore. 
she also does this when i have exams or submissions coming up that i need to study intensely for. i’ll study for 2-3 days (with her around the house) &amp; she’ll start commenting about how we’ve grown distant and that i forget about her or don’t love her as much. 
 we also went on a retreat together for 3 days prior and we had a lot of fun together, she told me repeatedly before the argument that she was so happy. when we started arguing, she said the retreat was horrible because i didnt spend enough time with her (we spent the whole 3 days together) &amp; that i’m always too busy for her (i had to work on a submission for 1 hour during the first day). 
i dont want to cancel my plans with my friends or not meet new people because i’m scared of her reaction but i also don’t want to hurt her feelings. i feel like im putting so much effort to make her feel loved but i don’t feel enough.
can someone help me? how do i approach this problem without her feeling rejected? i dont want to tell her shes too attached, i love her and i love being with her but i also enjoy doing things on my own sometimes. 