If you haven’t read any of my posts, I had befriended a young man (about five years younger than me) with bipolar when we were both hospitalized. At first he seemed kind and like someone just down on their luck; time would show he was immature, cruel, and unstable. I understand there are differences between us, including non-compliance with medications, age, upbringing, etc. 

Being the most stable person in the friendship/relationship for only a month was HARD. I had to be mature, stable, and positive at every turn. I had to provide emotional support everyday. I felt drained, exhausted, and used. I couldn’t help but wonder: is this how my friends and family feel when they spend time with me? Am I a draining person too? I’m compliant with my medications, see my doctor regularly. I’m waiting to start therapy, I have an appointment. I’m trying to do the right things, but it just seems like no matter what, my world crumbles eventually. I’m too much to handle, I hurt people. Does anyone else feel this way? I don’t want to say I feel hopeless yet, but I’m getting there. All I want in life is a family of my own, to adopt kids and live happily ever after. It’s starting to look like it’s never going to happen.