It's been a year since I made this account. 

I can hardly believe it if I'm being honest. A whole year. A year of lies unravelling and stories coming undone. A year of learning, a year of pain. And although the melancholy voice inside my head still cries out,  it hasn't subsided, and it's still there, I feel like things have changed. Maybe that's the sleep deprivation talking, or maybe for once I am actually at peace with the deep numbness that resides within me. Maybe With time I will learn to live with it. Maybe I'm just being optimistic. But I have to cling onto those tiny morsels of hope, because they're all that I have. They're more than I've had in a long time.

I still spend my days locked in my room, my secluded tower, but I no longer feel as if I'm waiting for a Knight in silver armour to come and save me. Maybe one day I will tame the dragon, who scorches my heart with his flames.  Or maybe not. I think I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that this is something I'm going to have to live with, something I'm going to have to endure forever. Contrary to popular belief, it hasn't made me stronger in the slightest. It made me weak. I was the one who stood back up. I did that. I made me stronger.

It's funny how I wasn't even planning on living this long. How I often longed for a way out. Sometimes I still do. The beasts of sorrow and pain still lurk behind my eyes, and every day is spent with tears threatening to overflow. I'm still sick, and every day seems like an endless cycle of pain and misery, but I'm going to try and find a way to brighten it up as much as I can. I'm going to crash soon. I can feel it coming. But even if its just for tonight. For once, Just once in my life, I want to enjoy the peace before the storm hits. I want to listen to the lullabies of the wind and let them lure me into a deep sleep with their sweet verses.

For once in my life, I want to be okay.