Hello, apologies if this kind of post isn't allowed. I need help. Doctor can't really help so I'm trying to see if anyone has experience with this.

I keep having experiences that I can't explain. Through the week, I get better and worse. It starts with an obsession "attack", where I get stuck thinking about the same thing over and over. That gets worse and worse until it's just the thought, it's so bad that I'm not even fully conscious. At that point I severely detach.

The feeling is indescribable. I remember it but I can't understand it. It's a profound emptiness, I have no thoughts, no emotions, no reactions. I don't move or say anything. I just exist. Sometimes I walk around. It's like I'm a ghost. Sometimes I do the same action over and over, walk in circles, or type endlessly. It goes on anywhere from minutes to hours.

My worry is that I'm actually dead, or that parts of my brain are dying as I write this, or there is a cancer or a viral infection going crazy in my skull. Who knows really? When I am in that state, I feel as if parts of my brain are not in the same reality, as if the molecules are tearing apart and entering another reality, leaving holes in the brain and damaging my consciousness.

At this rate I will be reduced to nothing. Then I will die, once the brain stem erodes. I feel so nauseous and sick, fatigued, scared. Not sure what my options are anymore besides just to give in and let my brain erode into nothing.