To give you a background, last year I was diagnosed with a mild MDD since I’m trying to hurt myself, seeking attention of other people by hurting myself, suicidal attempts and having an emotional breakdown. This affects my relationship with my partner, family and other relatives. Which is why I started to consult a doctor for help. 

After my consultation, the doctor informed my that I have a mild MDD as a medication, she gave me Fluoxetine as my initial medication. During that process I have experienced some more rampant side effects and much more irritation . Which is why my doctor gave me another prescription (Olanzapine and Sertraline) and still have to endure those bad side effects during the early stage of taking. 

Last November 2021, I’ve suddenly stopped taking my medications since I kept myself busy with my passion and hobby. For several months I rarely have some breakdowns since I’m really happy with what I’m doing and focused on keeping myself busy with my hobby and passion.

Then for several weeks, I feel down and easily irritated with all the things which also affects my behavior around people and doing reckless driving around our area and afterwards I feel guilty and ashamed.

Currently, I feel far more worst than before and scared. Since other people and my relatives thinks that I’m crazy (since I live in a country where mental disorders are not widely acceptable). 

I feel that everyone around me hates me.