Short story facts : 
Shy and lonely kid
At 3, my sister mocked my overweight and tried all kind of things to make me cry/scared 
6, mother died of aneurism
Wet the bed till 10
10, no friend, a girl asked me out. I found out she was playing truth or dare and someone dared her to ask the ugliest boy in school
At that time, my dad's friend used to say that ugly people "have nothing for them"
Suicidal thoughts appeared, as I hid myself in videogames and drawing
15, friends start kissing etc. Still shy af,
17, some boys at the bus told me they would punch me because I'm ugly 
18, went to 100kg to 75 in a year because I felt in love with someone who rejected me once I asked her. Went back to 90/95 next year
20, at art school, feel the competition and my will and passion started slowly to fade away
23, my grandma died of cancer, and I was the one who took the most care of her. Last memory I have of her is her crying telling me she s afraid to die (it took me almost 5 year before telling someone about it)
27, difficulty to find passion in what I do, nightmares, insomnia. Still living in my dad's house 
28, moved in a colocation with a friend and his gf, during the first lockdown
Then finally moved to my studio which I almost never leave
29, realised my sister in kinda sociopath, as I realised she never cared about other or even said "sorry" once
Started to walk by night to nearest bridges telling myself "not today"
Unemployed since more than a year but I don't look for job, as my social anxiety is slowly going up, even though I try my best to hide it 

For the good part, 
Started drawing and drama at 10
Had the chance to visit multiple country with my dad and sister
Went to good art school and had few good gig
Lost weight since last year
Some people start to say that I am good looking

Past couple of years I followed three therapist, try to deconstruct myself, told my last therapist, my dad and two friends about suicidal thoughts but feel like they don't take it seriously 

Now nearly 30, feel terrible, still never kissed, and afraid to do so, and don't know where to find will to continue drawing or even living.
Only thing that is keeping my going for now is a story I'm writing, but I know that once it will be finished and if no-one will want to do something about it, I'll probably go

That was my bottle at the sea,
Take care