When I was a kid growing up I was always told I was beautiful and constantly had the affection of the boys my age. I didn’t care so much for their feelings but I liked the attention. However, going into middle school and high school (until now in my mid 20s) it was almost the opposite, I was very much unpopular and not desired. (I didn’t get fat or ugly, but I moved into a different culture of people) 
Because of being constantly praised and desired during emotional development I CONSTANTLY expect everyone around me to want me or want to be me unconsciously, even though I hate myself immensely, (every part of myself). 
I have an overwhelming desire to be perfect in every way physically to the point of obsession so I can finally love myself but that is very far off. 
Even when people compliment me I think they are just messing with me yet I still have this expecting for others to always want me? (Post diagnosis)
Does anyone else deal with the feeling of wanting to be loved by everyone yet can’t find it in you to love yourself ?