Greetings, 

I am and have been going through a rough patch for so many years of my lifetime.

I am wrecked with chronic depression that has had a grip on me for so long that I am drained and literally feel like there is little to nothing that I can do to make this all go away for good. 

I have a few links to some previous posts I made on other subreddits but I wanted to see if I could reach more people to talk to [My first post](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/mcsby0/need_serious_help_advice_for_getting_out_of_a/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)  [My second](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/p4ds71/a_mentally_exhausted_soul/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

Everyday I awake to feel like I did not sleep at all, I feel as if I am dying a slow yet annoying death "annoying" because I really hate and dislike the situation I am in. I'm angry at those who've wronged and hurt me and never gave an explanation as to why they said and did the thing that they did. I am angry at myself for allowing this to continue for so long and not doing anything about, I tried yet every time I try to find a way out It's as if I am not allowed and I have no choice but to suffer. I hope I never wronged or hurt anyone in any of my past lives and if I did I am truly sorry. That is not my nature and I wouldn't even wish any form of suffering let alone this pain I am going through to my worst enemy if I had one. 

&amp;#x200B;

I have difficulties falling asleep and when I arise it's stressful. I awake to people arguing and toxic abusive comments and it just disrupts my spirit even further. I asked 3 questions on Quora about 6-7 months back [Quora 1](https://www.quora.com/Need-advice-help-on-getting-out-of-a-dangerously-toxic-environment-I-am-a-young-adult-I-am-on-the-cusp-of-losing-my-mind-my-spirit-is-exhausted-what-advice-and-ideas-do-you-have-for-me-or-anyone-like-me-who-may-see)  [Quora 2](https://www.quora.com/Where-can-I-share-my-Go-fund-me-if-I-have-no-friends-or-family-cannot-share-my-name-or-face-due-to-being-in-a-toxic-abusive-environment-This-is-a-serious-emergency-my-mental-health-cannot-take-it-anymore)  [Quora 3](https://www.quora.com/Need-help-and-advice-on-getting-out-of-a-toxic-environment-I-am-a-young-adult-male-who-is-literally-on-the-cusp-of-losing-my-mind-I-feel-like-giving-up-I-am-mentally-emotionally-exhausted-I-cant-take-it-anymore-What) 

To which out of nowhere I was notified that I was not allowed to reply, comment, or edit due to "Not having my real name on my account" I lost what little motivation I had to actually find some people to talk to and with their knowledge and wisdom; find a way to escape of find some services that could help assist me in my running away.

&amp;#x200B;

I feel like I am slipping away each day I really dislike how that feels. I am currently trying to make another GoFundMe the first time I made one I did not know much about it and thought I could just make it and people would see it but alas, I have to share which I had no way to do so.

Also if anyone knows how I can make one without showing my face due to my situation I will gladly accept whatever advice you may have. I know unfortunately people have abused such things and scammed people because of it. I had my share of scammers especially here on reddit and it really messed me up. 

&amp;#x200B;

I am tired of feeling inadequate, I am tired of feeling like "new day same terrible feelings" 

I am tired of waking up every single day and doing the same daily activities only for them to feel like chores. I used to take 15-25 even up to 30 min showers (on the weekends as a little extra bathing treat so to speak)  to after being shackled with depression finding myself taking over an 1-2 hours in the bathroom not knowing where the "time" went.

Someone once said "Rather piss in the sink than sink in the piss" and I resonate with that comment because it describes the proclivity of my situation in a small way.

[Visual Description of how I feel](https://images.app.goo.gl/YTtspCcd61qTSio97) 

&amp;#x200B;

I am trying to fight the dark mass that wont let me go and fighting to me somewhat feels 

futile. I have people gaslighting me into thinking I am making things up deliberately and in turn has me over thinking and questioning my sanity. I want to live but what I am going through isn't living at all.

In 3-4 weeks I will either be homeless because I can't take this anymore or perhaps gone from this earth because I gave in to the pressure that has been draining and exhausting me.

Please forgive me for typing so much this is just a small amount of it believe it or not.

Also the first link that I posted on here my apologies if seems like it's all over the place. That day when I posted it I was really all over the place and my energy was in disarray and I just let it all flow unto that post. Also I don't mind talking to people but I had a incident many months ago

 [I asked a question that I almost forgot about](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/mrq1vp/what_is_something_you_did_to_get_out_of_a_bad/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)  

and someone said if I needed to talk they would share whatever knowledge and information with me.

Well that person never replied even though they have been active on reddit a lot. I know we all have our own issues but please don't say one thing especially when people are looking for some assistance and you are not going to honor your word.

Forgive me if I made any mistakes I am new to this subreddit and I am just looking for any and everything to help me because I literally have no one to talk to at all.

If you have read all of this thank you very much for taking the time to do so 🦋

(I hope I am allowed to post this)