I can't do it any more. I literally can't absorb other people's lives any more and I'm sick of people having access to me.
The numbers of friends or followers I have are just something there that makes you appear that you have connections when you don't. Nothing is really personable any more and it hurts.

But now people are noticing and messaging me asking if I'm okay and I'm 100% not, but people aren't equipped to deal with others when they respond with no. I don't know what to say. I definitely have a few solid friends in my life yet I can't even be vulnerable with them because my whole life I have been the mentally ill person in people's lives and I don't want that any more. I want to disappear.

Right now I'm procrastinating calling in sick to work because I don't want to have to tell people I'm not okay. Everything feels 100000% harder than it ever has been. I'm exhausted.

(Just ranting tbh sorry)