I want to be able to let go and forgive. Maybe there is nothing to forgive and all is in my head as I am always victimizing myself (as I’ve always been told by my family). 


The problem is that I was given a lot when it comes to things that do not concern my emotional well-being. And I know that my family did the best they could taking into account a very difficult situation we all been through because of a loss of my dad. But I am just so mad about the constant invalidation of my feelings. Whenever I say I feel something that is not rainbows my older sister gets mad at me and tells me to suck it up. When I was super depressed, crying my eyes out and I said my therapist told me I need antidepressants instead of a hug I was given words that I am a lazy piece of shit who needs a kick in the ass. When I was diagnosed with bpd and told it to her she said - ‘I don’t believe you, it’s not true, you definitely don’t have it’. Now I always hide my emotions because I know that if I open up it’s gonna be way worse. 

I want to forgive her and not to constantly run this story in my head. I know that she doesn’t let herself feel negative emotions, that’s why she is like this with me. How do I let go?