It may sound stupid but then at least, people would be more forgiving and understanding when it comes to my spurious behaviour and utter lack of trust. It would also be easier for me (in my fantasy) if I just had this one bad thing to point my finger at and say "that is the reason why I am so messed up! This one person is responsible and I can project all my hate unto him." This is probably a very stupid thought and had it really happened I'd probably wish for the opposite. Also I apologize to any of you who has gone through this and thinks I am insane: I probably am. Just wondering if I'm alone with this.