I've taken my Quetiapine already and will probably fall asleep soon, but I had to have an outlet somewhere. it's been a pretty tough few days, culminating in a really tough day today. There's not really any specific external factor causing it, just my bipolar brain hating me and ruining my mood as well as giving me horrible intrusive thoughts and flashbacks. Additionally, my also-bipolar girlfriend is also having a tough time, and while we love and support each other, I do worry about her a lot and that adds some anxiety I guess. Overall I'm just feeling rougher (maybe depressed? Maybe mixed episode? I don't know) than I have in a while, and I hate it. 

Also told my mum about it, and she made kind of a big thing about it and made me feel a bit awkward, I find it really hard to open up to family for that reason. Anyway, I have a CPN appointment on Tuesday and my psychiatrist in 4 weeks so at least there's that although I'd like things to improve before then anyway. I don't feel unsafe but I do just wish I didn't have to have these intense and horrible moods and thoughts and just be a normal a happy human.