i can't forgive her for never paying attention to me. i can't forgive her for always bragging to her friends and family how i was such a good and smart kid growing up when 100% of my successes were my own and with no help from her. i can't forgive her for to this day telling me to "try not to be so sensitive." when i try to vent about situations to her. i can't forgive her for never taking me anywhere as a kid, spending time with me, exploring with me so that i discover the things that i like. i can't forgive her for being so hot and cold, and petrifying me out of approaching her because i never knew what kind of attitude i was going to get from her when i tried. i can't forgive her for justifying her lack of being around with the fact that she was in college and trying to make a living for us, and i don't feel bad for her either.

i can't forgive her for not being tentative of my puberty, letting me go to middle school smelling terrible everyday because she was too wrapped up in her own life. i can't forgive her for not explaining periods to me, leading me to turn to google. the first time i got my period i told her i thought i had hemorrhoids and she said "no you don't," shook her head and left the room. i can't forgive her for taking her narcissistic fiancè's side in everything, even turning family members against me when i stand up for her against him. i can't forgive her for expecting me to respect her now at 21, when all i did growing up was follow every rule and do everything humanly possible to not upset her and it got me nowhere. i can't forgive her for not developing a relationship with me and now wondering why i don't apend time with her.  i can't forgive her for that one day when i got in the car, crying and depressed because she was in a horrible mood and it was getting to me, and she screamed at me to the top of her lungs "why are you crying?! there's always something wrong with you."

i can't forgive her for the way when i finally told her all of this today and sobbed to her that i felt like she wasnt a mother to me, her response was cold. and once again, she made me feel like i was wrong. like i was so small. like all i did was hurt her and i'm the worst person alive for pretending i was fine with her all of these years. 

i can't forgive her. and i won't. and i'll be glad if we never speak again for all she put me through.