Maybe no one will respond to this and I'll continue to be scared and frustrated but I've really been struggling and have been suicidal for the past few months and no one in my family knows. My best friend knows and he thinks I should tell my family. For context I've been depressed my whole life and it's escalated to the point where I want to die. I'm not close with my family except my one sister who is probably the most open minded and if I would tell anyone it would be her. She's very Christian, polite and sometimes overly positive that's its annoying and almost forced. Today I have a good opportunity to tell her whats been going on but I'm extremely extremely conflicted. I don't know if anyone else relates but telling a family member is way worse than telling a friend. I'm absolutely terrified of things getting out of hand. My personal space being invaded, people discussing me behind my back, uncomfortable questions and situations, being treated differently or having to do things that I don't want to. I still live with my parents but she has since moved out and I would absolutely hate for her to tell my parents or anyone for that matter to make my living situation awful. Then I'm like "what do I even gain from telling her? It seems like there's more negatives then there are positives in this situation" because I don't think I can ever feel better. I don't think any amount of help will work for me. I know that's sounds stupid but I'm my soul I know i can't be free of these feelings. So I just feel stupid for wanting to tell her for apparently no good reason because things will only get worse if I tell her.