I’m talking to this guy who is absolutely everything I’ve ever dreamed of lol

He is so intriguing and funny and attractive and very similar to me 

But I’m already getting hit with this overwhelming sense of destructiveness that BPD gives me

I have terrible social anxiety to begin with so it’s very difficult for me to feel at ease if I’m not comfortable with someone. We’ve been talking for about a month now.  We’ve only hung out a few times though. He’s a VERY talkative person very extroverted very high energy has a lot to say and I feel like I can’t compare because I’m so shy and awkward.

 I can’t warm up it takes a bit for me to do that and he tends to mention things about his ex that puts pressure on me to be better than them. He says they were boring and couldn’t talk and that’s exactly how I feel with my social anxiety! Like I’m boring him. 

So I feel like he’s going to get sick of me and leave. I’m overwhelmed with the feeling of not being good enough for him and I just want this to work out so badly. I’m scared he’s thinking negatively of me. Why does BPD have to be so painful and why can’t I just live like a normal person?