I have ocd. My ocd has to do with promises to God or Gods. The reason of the promises were to force myself to stop do an ocd compulsion.

For example, if my ocd is telling me to do a compulsion, I make the promise about not doing the compulsion and a punishment/curse was being asked in order to use the fear of the punishment/curse to force myself not to do the compulsion.

One time, I told God that I would mean a promise only if I validated it by doing the cross sign 3 times because I think I was telling Him that I do not mean those promises and I make them because of my ocd. One time, I tried to validate a promise but I think, I stopped validating by stoping to the second time of the cross sign. The reason of the validation was because ocd kept giving me worries and just by thinkiing the promise did not work. Anyway, I think I stopped at second time and canceled the promise.

I am not sure if the promise was canceled. now, I have some other fears and worries too.

1) what if the promises/deals were accepted by other Gods in case Christian God is not real?

2) what if there are promises/deals that I do not remember?

3) my mind has intrusive thoughts about making new deals/promises to Gods and almost, every 1 minute or 30 seconds I pray compulsively in my head to explain that I do not make promises.

I feel depressed. I cant be free. Whenever I am in my computer, I am worrying that I will see something or say something that will break a promise or an hypothetical promise.

When I am not in my computer, my mind is having intrusive thoughts. I get so tired and anxious sometimes that probably, makes my system not work properly. I get prostate pain and my bowels probably, do not work properply. Sometimes, I lose my sleepy mood because of it.

I pay much attention to this ocd issue, because 2,5 years ago, I started witnessing some coincidences that I connected them as a bad sign from Christian God.

Can these be considered as negative signs from Christan God or other Gods? I used to believe in Jesus but now, I am lost. I am writing some coincidences that happened in the past.

1) I was in my bed, 2 years ago. I asked from God a specific sign to happen, if in case, lets say, my ocd is right. I asked something like if my ocd is right, to hear a door opening/closing in the building that I used to live, then. The sound in order to be considered as a sign, should be heard til 5 seconds pass, since I ask it. If the sound happens after 6 or more seconds, it wont be considered as a sign. I asked for that sign and even though, I changed my opion about it due to a possible coincidence, I heard someone unlocking his/her door apartment. it was before the 5-second rule. Since, then, I would find myself between sleep and awake, and I would have the very first thought of the day. Randomly, with my eyes still closed from sleep, I was having random thoughts like " door sound, i will hear a door" etc. And after some 5-10 seconds, I would hear a door. That happened more than 5 times, I guess. It was as if my mind was predicting that i will hear a door. It was not a dream. I suppose, my subconscious was scared by the door coincidence, and in my sleep, I would hear sounds that are similar to door. For example, even calling the elevator would sound as a heavy door closing. If someone unlocks his/her door aparment and then, closes the door, I would hear it in my sleep and get the random thought "door sound, door sound" then, I would hear the man/woman calling the elevator which sounds like a door closing with force, so, I guess that created the misunderstanding that I was predicting a door sound, every morning.

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2) I was praying and had my eyes closed. In the blackness, I was thinking about my ocd fear and that, created an image. That image was a japanese monster that I watched, randomly, on internet days ago. I opened my eyes, and started looking random stuff in facebook. After 5-10 minutes, I saw an article about that monster that it popped in my mind while I was praying. it was the first time, that I saw it on facebook.

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3) I was watching a video. the guy was talking about a symbol. I heard him saying the word sign, but was not sure. I decided to close the video because my mind started thinking stuff like " I will hear it again and it will be a bad, scary coincidence, i better close it" I wa ready to close the site but my new thoughts stopped me. I was thinking " what if when i close the video, I will hear the guy saying the word "sign" as the last word before closing the video? that would be scary" I just wanted to close the video because I did not want to hear the word "sign" and when I tried to close it, i stopped because I feared that I would hear the word "sign" as the last word before closing it. So, I waited some seconds in order for the guy to somehow, change the subject and when I felt that it was the right moment to close it, I closed it, very fast, and uninentionally, without knowing that he will say the word "sign" I closed it with him saying the word "sign" as the last word. It was so unlikely to happen. The guy was speaking fast. If I had closed the video 1 second earlier, I would never have heard it. But I was so unlucky that I closed it randomly, when he was saying the word "sign" I know he said that word because I op How my mind predicted that I would hear the word "sign" as the last word before closing the video? I checked it and the guy indeed was saying the word "sign" and I am worried because if I have closed the video 1 second earlier or later, this scary coincidence would never happen. how you explain that?

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4) A coincidence happened in youtube, with a video game character from Mortal Kombat, known as Scorpion. He transformed to a scorpion and i do not remember, exactly but that generated a random thought like " I guess, Scorpion will give me some worries about my whole ocd-coincidence case" I was playing Mortal Kombat 4 after a very long time, and the first opponent was Scorpion. I lost the match, and it the moment that Scorpion was to give me the finishing strike. I got a random thought like " i hope he wont transform to a scorpion" and he did! first match and he transformed to a scorpion. i was playing against the computer. there are many other moves that could computer use in order to finish me, and the computer choose to transform to a scorpion. that is not so common when playing against a computer. I fought him again and lost again. I was thinking " I hope he does not transform to a scorpion 2 times in a row because that would be very rare" and yes, he transformed to a scorpion again. 2 times in a row! I was watching a youtube video with a collection of all mortal kombat finishing moves. It was about 1 or 2 hours. I randomly, clicked the timeline in a random second. It was the second that the Scorpion character was transforming to a scorpion! That was about 7 seconds. So, from all 60-120 minutes of the video, I randomly, clicked on the 7-second scene of scorpion?

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5) My ocd fear is about asking punishment from God so i was thinking about a similar example. I was thinking that if someone would have asked from God to lose his arm in an accident, that would never happen. that calmed me down but 1 minute later, I saw someone in the street with one arm only. was that a sign from God to tell me that I should be afraid of what my ocd says?

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6) I ended up having random sound coincidences with other daily sounds, similar to the door sound. Like car alarms and dog barking. I would be thinking about my ocd and then, I would have random thoughts like " i hope i wont hear a door or a dog or a car alarm" and yes, i would hear one of these things. many times. I would be writing about the door coincidence in the internet and I would get a random thought like "I hope i wont hear a door sound, now tha i am writing the word "door" because that would be a scary" and yes, i was hearing a door sound.

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7) I was having a scary thought for many days. i was thinking "what if one day, I hear these 3 sounds (dog,alarm,door) together? that would be super scary" One day, i was thinking about my ocd and randomly, a dog barked. I thought " just a dog, i would be scared only if it was the 3 sounds together" the dog kept barking for a minute and suddenly, I hear a car alarm ringing the same time with the elevator sound. The elevator sound, sounds like a heavy door closing so, it can be considered as the 3 sounds happening together. I was in a different neighborhood, and I heard a car alarm the same time with a door opening/closing in the building. i remembered the 3-sound coincidence and I was like " the only thing we miss now is a dog" and a dog started barking.

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8) I was writing many times, on internet, about these coincidences. One afternoon, a friend that knows nothing of my problem, send me a spam message. he wanted to complain that I always cancel when we arrange something. the message was like

" Coincidences are good but is it a coincidence that I agree? everytime we arrange to go out, you cancel it, is that a coincidence"

I freaked! why he randomly, used the word "coincidence"

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9) An internet user, suggested me 3 books related to my ocd problem, somehow. I was not interested in these books and as I was ready to close the site, i got a thought like "what if there is a sign hidden in these books? choose one of them" I randomly, searched one of the three books, for its summary in wikipedia. The ending was almost, 80% my ocd fear and the summary was using words-phrases that I used to describe my ocd fear. was that a coincidence? my mind predicted that I would find something there and then, indeed I found something related to my ocd fear so much?

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10) A friend of mine was speaking about the thiefs that steal wallets from random people. I was thinking about my ocd fear and got a random thought like " Perhaps, we are cursed from God" and at that moment, I hear my friend saying " the thief curses when he steals a wallet that it is empty due to the economy crisis" was that a coincidence?

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11) I read the word "curse" on internet and I hear from the tv, which was playing a scooby-doo episode, saying something like " he was cursed" i freaked and the tv kept saying " his worst nightmare came true"

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12) I entered the room in which the tv was open. It was a show about mythology. The narrator was saying a story. When I walked in the room, I heard the narrator saying " She cursed herself and the sea and asked from God to be transformed to stone and God granted her wish" That was my ocd fear! asking a punishment from God. I was writing about that coincidence on the internet and as I was thinking to write " Was that a coincidence or not" I hear my grandma saying to my father something like '' these are signs" was that a coincidence again?

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13) I was staying in an airbnb apartment. I was looking the bookcase that had a few books. after some time, I looked it again, and had a book with the title "THE SIGN OF GOD" i did not freak because it was a time that I started ignoring my ocd and was thinking less about the whole coincidence-thing. But still, why i did not saw that book when I checked for the first time?

14) I was writing about an ocd worry on internet and as I was ready to write the word "movement" in greek, I heard an ad saying something like " bla bla bla bla.... movement" I got worried and I was wondering if it was a coincidence. At that moment, I heard from the tv, probably, from the next ad, saying something like " psoriasis signs" and I freaked because I heard the word signs.

15) I was thinking about my ocd worry and heard a door sound the same time with a dog barking. that reminded me of the dog-door-alarm coincidence, and at that moment, I noticed that I coucld hear the sound of a van sensor/alarm or something similar to that. I do not know if it started when I heard the door/dog or it started earlier. Anyway, I probably, heard the 3 sounds together again.

16) I ended up connecting as a bad sign, a butterfly. While I was thinking about a small coincidence with a butterfly that I saw in a series episode, I randomly, looked the toilet paper and saw butterflies printed on it.

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can someone explain to me, what he/she thinks of these coincidences one by one. These coincidences are the reason that I cant just ignore my ocd that easily. Because coincidences happen that perhaps, tell me that my ocd is right and I should worry about it.