Every time I've ever gotten along with someone really well I start pushing them away, and eventually everything is ruined and I never talk to them again. I never think I'll get into a real relationship. I don't have any support irl. My friends don't really know quite how bad mental health is because I refuse to let any of them in. Everyday I go to work and pretend to be alright even though I feel like I'm falling apart. I struggle to get out of bed for any reason other than obligation. I'm so tired of being alive. I just wish someone would understand.