Those last days been so hard. Everyone is abandoning me, no one cares about me, I’m a failure and a depressed and ugly drug addict. 
Man I haven’t felt happiness in almost a decade. People run away from me and I understand why, I wouldn’t wanna be around myself either. I had so many goals and plans and now I don’t even have the strength to fucking shower or eat. All I do is cry, smoke cigs, and sedate myself until the next day. I’ve honestly been idealising my own death a lot recently, I feel drained, it never gone change. Always been like this.
I dunno if I wanna be alone or if I want love, tho I don’t even think I deserve it since everyone is always leaving 🤦🏾‍♀️ 
But anyway, I’m not going good at all, I’m sad and lonely and in constant pain and I just want it to stop. Nothing can help me, I don’t even see the meaning of my life, what I’m doing and where I’m going. Just needed a rant x