i look at my drivers license and am disgusted.  well its not even a drivers license, since i failed my test twice 7 years ago and gave up.  but i hate how i look.    


and im also paranoid that im too idiotic to be a functioning member of society.  that everyone will judge me more realistically than i judge myself, so that's why i take the most pessimistic view of myself possible.  if people take pity on my plight (transgender, probly autistic, every other mental issue under the sun it feels like--altho for the record being trans isnt really a disorder, its more of a brain body disconnect), if they take pity then they're looking down on me.  if they dont take pity, they're still judging me from a superior position.  

&amp;#x200B;

why try if im only going to end up embarassing myself with anything i do. come to harsh realizations i somehow had managed to forget about myself.  maybe the realizations aren't true, they're just negative.  either way they end up feeling real when i have them.  ugh