Y'know how sometimes people give life advice which you kind of 'understand', but can never really comprehend it until it happens to you?

For a very large portion of my life all I've wanted is to have a ''best friend'' and to have that person declare that we were 'best friends' to me *without me having to initiate that kind of conversation*. Well, a few days ago somebody, NOT my FP, declared in response to me saying that I felt socially anxious about doing something that I was his best friend.

Now of course, such a declaration made me feel stunned and absolutely wonderful inside. I knew I meant a lot to this individual, but I didn't realise quite how much 'till he said that. 

However, it actually caused an internal struggle within me. 1. because I had tried so hard to make my FP(s) my best friends, and this was someone who completely blindsided me with this declaration; 2. because actually, this declaration didn't solve my problems. I still have the same issues — I'm still me.

And this has been such a hard feeling to deal with these past few days. Everything I thought would ''fix me'' since at least the past 5 years, actually hasn't. And the thing is, rationally, I knew this would probably happen.

These two quotes from BoJack Horseman can sum up the lessons that I've now, actually, experienced (the first re: trying to force friendships, the second re: how I thought 'best friendship' would complete me):

&gt; You can't force love, you blockhead. All you can do is be good to the people in your life and keep your heart open.

&gt; Taneisha, nobody completes anybody. That's not a real thing!