I’m scared that I’m going to hurt myself but I don’t want to take myself to the hospital. 

I’ve had BPD since I was 19 due to childhood physical/emotional abuse. I am on medication but it’s not going very well and I don’t know what I’m going to do. 

I don’t want to take myself to the hospital. I have a very extensive hospitalization record and I don’t want to be known as “the unstable girl with BPD” so I don’t want to go. I also know that they’ll contact my parents and then I’ll have everything taken away from me. I’ll have no autonomy if I get help. 

Plus, the healthcare in my province sucks so I’ll have to wait 5-10 hours to be seen. 

I really just hate myself right now.