Does anyone ever get these episodes where: 
1. everything is going wrong in your life is highlighted, 
2. you're numb to a lot of things or its overwhelming, it varies from time to time, 
3. Just wanna cry/scream/ shout or throw up ? 
4. I've an addictive personality, so i feel like drowning/ numbing myself with alcohol...
5. I've thought of numbing my self destructive thoughts with sex but i can't bring myself to...maybe someday but not now...
6. Eating an ice cube/ writing/ breaking something/ cutting is temporary. I don't know how to begin even working or getting the motivation to get up or out of my bed most days...

I don't wanna misplace my anger on someone else, break something precious or become an alcoholic  so i jus throw myself in the covers or my blanket, become a ball and jus cry...
( i stay away from alcohol specifically during these moments) 

But it gets too much at times, and that's when the suicidal thoughts creep in...so anyone know any healthy ways of dealing with all this....? 

It would be much appreciated if you could suggest something, thankyou.