It's the weekend and I can't spend it on anything fun because I'm simply too numb to enjoy anything. Things I used to enjoy aren't doing anything for me anymore. I dread the weekdays and wish so much for more down time and when I do have it, I just fucking do nothing. I lie in bed and rot. I try to pick up new hobbies. I tried crochet, playing video games, coloring books, and I sit there and feel sorry for myself because I'm trying SO hard and I feel no enthusiasm about anything. It's like I'm pretending to be normal and the mental illness always wins. I'm bored, I'm tired.