I have therapy in the works, specifically CBT. However, I am on a waitlist said to be at *least* 3 months, so until then it's medication and agonising for me. And agonising I am.

I've had anxiety and depression for the better part of a decade now, but it recently re-surged in full force the past month. Health anxiety especially is the hardest right now. I think I've convinced myself I'm dying?? I just feel so exhausted from a combination of constant worry, racing thoughts, and lack of sleep itself due to the anxiety-induced insomnia keeping me awake sporadic hours of the night. It's left me feeling so rundown. I get this feeling in my head that isn't quite dizziness, but it feels full, and woozy. It makes me panic I'm about to have a stroke or aneurysm, except the incident never happens, so this sensation is just constant and leaves me on edge all the time.

I'm also annoyingly 'aware' of my hands. I'm not sure how else to explain it. I can be really conscious of them and my fingers and suddenly I think they feel weak, unsteady and fumbly, so I take moments to reorientate myself by touching my fingertips together and squeezing my hands to make sure I can still use them. Despite still having strength in them that doesn't suggest there's something sinister and the fact I can still use them and all my limbs to their full capacity without collapse or falter, these sensations don't go away. They might be waylaid in moments where I'm suitably distracted reading, writing, or playing something to keep my mind occupied, but it inevitably reasserts itself.

I feel like getting a doctor to look into it would be useless. I don't want to waste time, and I've already been on them enough the past couple of weeks in fits of panic. They've upped dosage and prescribed another med. I don't know at this point if I'd even believe them if they told me nothing was physically wrong.

Anyone else feel this lost and hopeless? Like we'll just be stuck this way forever with no escape? I just want to be normal. I want to FEEL normal.