I talked with my therapist about how I'm used to surpress my emotions as a coping mechanism and how we want to work on finding other ways to deal with them. But these particular emotions and memories, this Part of me I have to keep pushing down. The warm, vulnerable and loving me, I can't handle her pain. I'd rather end it than feel it. But can she heal her wounds down in the foggy part of my mind? Or will she get lost there. I don't know. I miss being her. I can function, I can go to Uni, I can spend time with friends, but I feel like a puppet, always on edge of wanting to run away from everyone and everything. It's a fragile stability and I know how quickly she can come back to the surface and with her the memories and emotions, the good as well as the bad.

I'm trying to heal and to become healthy, but I don't know how to heal her, so I just build up my Walls higher and work on my facade.