wasn't sure whether to post this is r/selfharm or not--can remove it if this kinda post isn't allowed! the posting urges just feel more 'bpd' like.

i deleted sh.pics a few months back in a fit of pique and now am regretting it. don't want to make a new acct (they changed up some of the rules anyway, so i don't think i'd be able to post right away while the urge is still here; plus the sheer amount of young teenagers on the site also made me uncomfortable), but also figure posting on instagram is a bad idea. 

as much as i'd ~love~ to show off to my roommates, last time i did made them (understandably) extremely uncomfortable. It's especially bad this time (not in terms of go-to-the-hospital depth, more volume), so that would be an especially bad idea. 

I just really don't know why I even /want/ to show off the blood, the scars, the gore--as if it's impressive instead of a sign I'm sick.