It's been a challenging year full of ups..mostly downs and all sorts of crazy moods that comes with borderline...but from the very beginning i was honest about my condition and my disorder with him and he has been super patient and supportive of my needs ( he's three and half years older than me so, he's the mature one i guess and i mostly depend on him....i think the codependency has been a bit stronger lately..since my father passed away this month and it has made me even more unstable in my emotions), but i think we both know that it's not really working anymore..he's trying his best to understand and support me but my emotions and demands are really taking a toll on everyone and him as well ( he has work mon-saturday) and spends whatever time he has with me) but it's not enough. i do understand . as i am writing this that i am in a more stable mindset. and that i am starting DBT therpay very soon, so that will help ..even though it will take a while before the therapy will begin to work. honestly i am unsure of our relationship or what to really do, he is trying his best and it's not enough...but nothing is really ever enough with bpd, i do understand that even if i move on to another partner it will be the same, its hard on our loved ones too... ...we both love each other and that is clear, although most of the times it may seem like i am selfish and i dont express my gratitude since i am unable to really see through my depressed states. 
i am lost, grieving and just losing my own self, it feels like the only way to end my pain is to die.