I've had 4 big forays into medication.  I've been on like 8 different medications.  Unsuccessfully.  Each time when I quit I am like "ok please let me not go down this path again.  I need to just accept that it's not going to help."  But here I am again.  Every day obsessing over whether some pill could help calm my anxiety.  It sucks. I just think about it all the time.  and I'm so dreading the 5th foray, of going on like 2-3 different drugs... spending months making dose adjustments... feeling worse than ever... then months of withdrawal.  I don't know if I can handle it again.  but I think I'm gonna do it.