I'm done. I'm tired of being numb, tired of pretending everything's fine, I'm tired of being apathetic, I'm tired of being tired. Every day, it's a struggle just to get out of bed. I'm barely scraping by as it is and one small fuck up will ruin everything. I can't deal with the stress of looking for another job, I can't deal with the stress of everything going wrong, and my greatest source of distraction was writing and video games. Now, I struggle to bring myself to even do both. I have all these ideas, but the moment I try to write them down, it's a battle in itself, so I give up.

How the fuck is this considered living? How is watching a world tear itself apart while a fire rages on tolerable? How is feeling numb 24/7 bearable anymore? I can't keep fucking doing this. I'm taking anti depressants with my HRT but it's not enough. Fuck, I'm glad to be on HRT, but I'm not happy about how the world sees me. How my family and friends see me. How I can be legally killed in many countries just for existing.

AND MOTHERFUCKERS CHEER FOR IT. I know on the internet you have to have thick skin, but there's a giant target on the back of anyone who isn't a cis white male. Especially if you're LGBTQ. And it's certainly not helping my outlook on the future.

And I just can't do it anymore. I'm looking at gun prices, I'm looking at painless ways out every day. I don't have a date set in stone, but it will be before the end of the year.

At least everyone that's still left can stop pretending they care and find someone better soon.