Im 36. I have severe depression that doesnt react to meds. It all started a few years ago, when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. My world fell apart. I left my job abroad, moved back home to be with him. He passed away 3 months ago. The last year and a half was horrible. Im still unable to sleep cause of mental pain. I was also diagnosed with a heart issue last year, so my goal to move back abroad and join law enforcement have kind of collapsed. I get lost sometimes, in extreme pessimistic thoughts, like..ill visit my cardiologist this week and im sure he will say i need a transplant or something serious anyway, and my first thought is..so what. my life is pointless anyway. i dont know if anyone gets these thoughts, maybe they are panic attakcs, i dont know. im too tired to plan for even  a month ahead. ive tried most antidepressants and antipsychotis, but..nothing. ive also changed 5 therapists/psychiatrists since all this started but nothing.. i feel like those bags? that you vacuum the air out?