If I'm incredibly busy, it isn't an indication that I'm doing good and recovering. It's the opposite, I'm trying to distract myself to the extended of being so busy I can barley think about my problems. I'm actively hiding my destructive behaviors and suicidal idealizations and plans from you, by doing so much you can barely keep track of me. If I'm in such incredibly pain, it's my instinct to hide in work, in school, in everything but my bed.

I understand that it's hard for others to understand, especially with the way depression is displayed in the media. I get that you think I'm doing good, because I'm doing all the 'normal' things, even if I seem to do it in an excessive amount.

I just wish that people would understand this, that they wouldn't disregard my pain just because I'm functioning in society. Even my psychiatrist keeps telling me he finds it hard to believe I want to die if I still continue to do things that indicate I want to live. Even my prior attempts in similar circumstances aren't enough 'proof'. It hurts. It's lonely.