So I've never been officially diagnosed with bpd, but over the past few years my research has finally led me to the answer that at minimum I have developmental trauma similar to bpd.

My aunt is a counselor and has been since before I was born. I discussed the issue with her and she told me that I have "formation disorder" like her because our mothers are bpd. From what I could gather, I guess this would classify me as low level bpd or high functioning.

Over the past year I've been seeing a VA psychiatrist on a quarterly basis. The medication I've been taking has helped stifle my emotions tremendously, but when I tried to discuss the issue with my Dr he told me he doesn't believe "formation disorder"exists.

Either way, there is no other illness that even comes close to explaining what's wrong with me. I know self diagnosis is never the answer, but at this point it'd be like denying gravity exists because I can't see it. 

I told my SO I'd like to see someone trained in dbt so I can finally fix myself, but he keeps insisting I get an official diagnosis and that I should look for other possibilities. I'm trying to understand his reasoning, but to me it's clear by now.

Does he not believe me because he only sees my outward behavior and not my thoughts? Or maybe I *am* being too stubborn about this. It's like he had no faith in me, but all I want is just to get better. I just want to be normal and happy, and now I'm so upset.