Possible Trigger warning - Death

Dunno if this is a trigger warning so I thought that I would just play it safe.

I thought I'd share a weird habit that I've had as long as I can remember. So it used to only occur when my parents were out and were a minimum of 5 minutes later then they had said they were going to be (obviously stuck in traffic or some other minor issue) my brain would just start going through all of the possibly instances, which always ended up with them dying in some outlandish accident I always assumed that this was just normal and part of worrying about loved ones, but I got some strange looks when relaying some of this to friends. I bring this up as yesterday night I was having bizarre thoughts of going to University (I applied the same day and this has been causing stress for me over the past few days) my thought process ended up with me watching helpless as my friends died in random attacks on what I imagined a campus would look like and that I would end up alone.

 I'm mtf transgender so the idea of me having to hide myself is already causing me distress as I don't think anyone would want to be friends with me if they found out (who would want to be friends with some who can barely stand to look in the mirror)? I have always had trouble meeting new people as I'm shy, I prefer to stay silent in the corner at parties but don't like to turn down an invitation as I feel rude, but I don't like not receiving and invite just makes me feel unwanted. 

Loneliness and isolation seems to be the main trigger for this depressing rabbit hole. Is this kind of catastrophizing normal? I'm not sure myself, it makes my current friends uncomfortable so I try not to speak about it (that and I also have major trust issues due to poor experiences with close friends in the past)

This ended up more of an incoherent ramble than I expected, but I find all this really confusing and I don't know what any of this means.