My partner of 4 years has depression which is now starting to take its toll on our relationship. Historically we’ve been great, barely anything to complain about however in the last year or so she has been relentlessly negative, self loathing, awful mood swings and very hostile towards me. We can go a week without an argument and everything seems ok again but the smallest inconvenience can set her off - a delivery was late, a plate broke in the dishwasher, the weather etc

I do understand depression having battled it my whole adult life, currently on sertraline (Zoloft) which I have been on and off for several years so I can sympathise with her and I do try to comfort her whenever she is seriously down. Being in a depressed state is a horrendous way to live your life but lately, I am finding it harder and harder to empathise with her as I am the subject to her lashing out at me (sometimes daily) when something has set her off. 

When confronted about the reasons as to why I get either “it’s just everything” or “I don’t want to talk about it”. Obviously I can’t go into the minutia of daily life as this threat would be massive but she has moved to Britain from a foreign country, doesn’t have her own group of friends/support network, her family is in another country and she doesn’t have hobbies. When I have tried to suggest starting new hobbies or texting my friends partners to meet up and hang out, I’m ignored or stared at vacantly. We frequently go to the gym but that doesn’t seem to have an impact, she’ll meander around with no real plan for 30 minutes then want to go home. Again, if I suggest she can workout with me she just says she doesn’t want to do this machine or that’s too hard I’m not doing it. Her confidence seems at an all time low.

We have sat down and spoken about it and she agreed reluctantly to get counselling as she thinks there is a stigma around antidepressants. From the beginning she let me know “it’s not going to help” which was a bad sign however, she attended several phone conversations with a mental health specialist (phone appointments due to covid). This has zero affect as she predicted, turns out it was just a load of non-personal trivial garbage about positive thoughts, no real communication or ways to cope with triggers.

Anyway we’ve had a relatively good spell the last couple of weeks, only very small amounts of bickering but 3 days ago she had a meltdown, won’t communicate to me the reasons why and doesn’t show signs of getting out of it. It’s starting to hit a point now where I don’t know what to do and I’m worried our relationship will fall apart.

Personally I would prefer if she went on antidepressants as I know how much they have benefitted me in the past but it’s her body and her choice so I don’t know what to do. 

Apologies for the long rant it feels good to talk about it and I’m open to any advice you may have.