I get really bad intrusive thoughts and the only way i can feel better about having them is by identifying as a nutcase and putting myself down constantly. I constantly apologize for things that aren't my fault or for things that it wouldn't make sense to apologize for just to lessen the tension i always have mentally and claim fault for all the awkwardness i feel.

I have very low self esteem as a result or maybe just it's something inherent to my personality. I remember stopping drawing in middle/high school because i just had random thoughts &amp; fears that i could never be an artist and would never be good enough.