Hello everyone!

So, the title says it all. I've been struggling with high anxiety for years. It manifests in many ways but the most detrimental ones have been my anxiety attack symptoms. When I get an anxiety attack, my body goes numb. It'll start with my hands, till it reaches my arms, chest, stomach, and so on. It's not just pins and needles but rather its full-on numbness if the attack is severe enough. It makes me feel like I'm going paralyzed and makes the "I can't breathe" feeling worse. I've consulted a doctor about the numbness before and they just told me it was anxiety. 

Because of these symptoms, I have avoided a lot of opportunities that may trigger an attack or ones that would be inconvenient to be in if an attack were to occur. Such situations include rollercoasters (even kitty rides), airplanes, escape rooms, etc. Basically any situation where I would not be able to get out unless I make a commotion (which would be humiliating). I wasn't always this way. Up until I turned 14 (I'm F21 btw) I LOVED these things. But now I can't get the "I'm trapped" mentality out of my head. Every time I go to the doctor my heart rate is through the roof (I'm a hypochondriac so doctors make me very anxious). My fear of possibly getting an anxiety attack during a procedure or in response to getting bad results causes me to not prioritize my health. I've been avoiding getting my license as well because I don't trust myself. Side note: I have had to do these things on occasion despite my anxiety, but it's a very stressful time (constant overthinking and self-soothing).

I don't want to live like this anymore! But I truly don't know how to fix it or know if it even can be fixed. I know a part of my healing will mean sucking it up and exposing myself to these situations. However, I don't know how to approach this effectively with my debilitating fear that I'll lose control of my body during a panic attack. Also, exposure therapy would not quite work with certain things since I don't have the money to just catch a bunch of flights or spend weeks riding rollercoasters. I feel incredibly stuck and I feel like I'm wasting my youth away. It breaks my heart because I remember who I was before all of this, and I can't seem to find her anymore. 

My mom would like me to visit her soon. However, doing so would mean I would have to ride a plane by myself for the first time. I miss her a lot but I'm terrified. And I guess that's what's triggered me to finally make a post about my anxiety. I WANT to be excited for this trip. Yet, all I want to do is cry just looking at the flights. I think the person I miss most is myself, honestly. 

I know my flair says venting but I'm open to any insight. I'm planning on seeing a therapist soon. Also if you have any natural supplement info that'd be great too, I would ideally like to manage this without medication.

Thank you in advance!