I've been in denial about having BPD. I know I self harm and I'm clingy towards men in a position of authority but other than that I don't do anything else - I can admit I have BPD traits but don't tick enough for the full diagnosis.  
  
Well anyway my GP, a psychologist and 3 psychiatrist have all said I had it.  
  
They say a diagnosis is liberating but all it has made me is suicidal. I hate the stigma. The fact my doctor must hate me. The fact all medical staff hate me because of the BPD. The fact if I ever go to my doctor with something wrong it's all BPD's fault. I couldn't ever have say cancer or something... no all the symptoms are in my head. He will never prescribe me drugs of addiction because hey all people with BPD are drug addicts! Despite the fact I drink no tea, coffee or alcohol, don't smoke, have never done drugs.   
   
So now I can feel myself spiralling out of control. I know I'm going to self harm again tonight because "hey that's what people with BPD can do!"  
Before I was trying to regulate myself and not be too crazy or clingy or attention seeking but now everyone says I have it well I might as well ham it up as much as I can!  
  
I'm not interested in getting better. They also said I have depression and are trying to prescribe an anti depressant. I'm not interested because they make you nauseous (I have severe emetophobia - vomiting phobia). And I'm never ever ever seeing a stupid fucking psychologist and doing shitty things like breathing exercises or DBT. So essentially I'm just gonna let myself go crazy and self harm to my hearts content and then kill myself. I don't care anymore! All because they wanna label me as BPD! 