I had a suicide attempt in the past couple months and got diagnosed with this by medical professionals. They didn't say much, they just gave me meds. Mom rejected the notion of me having any mental illnesses even though everyone from my dads side has had some form of mental illness, and her father and sister were diagnosed with severe anxiety. She insists on me not taking meds anymore and tries anything to get me off of them, even if it includes lying to the doctors. 

To shed some light on my mind, I don't think I'm depressed. I'll be completely happy, but an hour later I'll want suicide very badly, but then I'll be happy in 20ish minutes. I have bad impulse control. I've taken up shoplifting, smoking, and doing whatever I can to distract myself. I feel as if I have to be reminded that I'm important to people. I always feel as if people actually don't like me. I constantly ponder if certain events are my fault or someone else's. I have extremely low self esteem, and even find it hard to talk to people. I find myself zoning out a lot and thinking about everything going wrong in life, even if it's minor, or it happened a year ago, or I imagine scenarios where things actually work out. 