So I'm a teenager not gonna say the exact age but I've always been overweight and i got bullied for it just verbal bullying and i didn't care honestly but everyone kept telling me I'm ugly , I'm fat , that i did it to myself , that I'm hurting myself purposely my dad told me that no ones going to love me like this he forced me multiple times to diet to walk to exercise i was scared so i had to do it i always wanted friends real friends and i never got any yes i had friends but friends who talk behind your back friends who are there for you never understands you makes you feel like you dont fit in and i honestly didn't because while everyone else was busy studying or doing middle / high school shit i was busy trying to fix myself i got bullied at school i didn't mind it i was hoping i wouldn't get bullied at home i felt like my family love me you know ? Cause like I'm their daughter , sister i was wrong my brother kept reminding me how much he hated me , how fat i was , how childish i was but like i was a kid so ofcourse i would be childish no ? I had to grow up because everyone kept telling me ur not a kid anymore and now they're telling me ur just a kid it makes me so mad what the hell is this ? My friends always replaced me when they talked to my sister cause she was thin mature confident i loved her i always did never envied her i was happy for her but i felt replaced and it remined me of what my dad said " no ones going to love you like this " he made me hate myself doubt myself and it's not only him my whole family my mom doesn't love me how can a mother torture her own ? How can she love one of her children more than the other ? How can she show me that she loves me and then just throw me away when she gave birth to my brother ? 
I always loved my whole family more than anything and anyone i always tried to understand my sister even tho her problems were beyond my age i pressurised myself to understand her be there for her even when i was depressed i set aside my depression my feelings for her and when she got a best friend she didn't consider me at all she put her first like everyone else and what did the best friend do ? She left an i was still there as always 
I want to be alone i love being alone with everything that happened in my life i trached myself to be happy alkne to be comfortable alone to make loneliness a peaceful place for me but I'm a huamn too i have feelings i have problems too no one ever understood me and i can't talk i can't share anything and when i do i regret it so bad i try to convince myself that i want to get thin for myself and yes i do but i want to prove it to everyone who told me i cant do it i wanted to be happy and i tried to love myself and all that and for once in my life i was actually happy , confident and content but it all fell apart I'm overweight and it affects my mental health my periods i went to the docter and they tell me you're overweight i know that but how do i lose weight ? I eat alot and I'm used to it i never got the attention a kid needs so i used to cook for myself and eat all the time even if I'm insecure and depressed i can't stop eating infact i wat more i try motivate myself it doesn't work it's really hard my dad doesn't let me go to gym he doesn't take me to a nutritionist i have nothing my sister doesn't understand me and when i share my feelings to her she keeps telling me that she's useless in my life that she doesn't do anything for me and then we argue I'm tired of fighting i always heard my older sister fight with mom till she got married then my other sister started fighting with mom and now mom sometimes argues with me my dad has anger issues he gets angry at the simplest things it scares me he beat me up alot nowadays not really but he shows me that he can that i should be scared 
School is hell i have social anxiety so i get really bad  headaches i dont really talk to anyone i feel stupid when i dont understand something everyone scream for no reason i want to study at home but how do i tell my parents that i have social anxiety they wont understand there's so much pressure to study i don't want to study I'm tired i just want to be alone and do nothing my sister tells me it's okay to be fat sometimes she tells me ur not fat and it makes me angry cause i know I'm u dont have to lue to me I'm at 120 kg for god sake but i see it i know it's not okay i know she wouldn't want to be fat when she gains 5-6 kgs she doesn't eat to not get fat once she lost her tights and i told her to take my pants and she said it's too big and i know that it is but like why do u tell me it's okay then ? I want to wear beautiful clothes to make me feel better but all my clothes are extra large t shirts tall plain dresses and i sometimes feel insecure ugly i love myself that's why I'm still alive but i did cut my hand twice no one knows i wear my watch there what do u do ? It's been more than a year i was just happy for like 2 months and i got depressed again i desperately need therapy but my parents will be like what's wrong with you ? You have everything why are you even depressed and even if they take me i know my dad's not gonna leave me alone to talk to the therapist I'm tired i can't do this i just want to die i dont care about my dreams i dont want them i just want everything to end