It goes like this: I imagine myself to be a little girl aged 2-4 maybe, and a father. not mine, just an imaginary one I make up inside my head. I imagine myself being happy and loud, and going to the park with this imaginary dad, playing with him, getting lots of affection and attention from him, being told stories, or getting forehead kisses. All that shit uk. 

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Lmao this is extremely embarrassing for me to even type, hence I will leave it here. but I hope y'all get the point. Basically, I fantasize about being a child and spending time with a very loving, warm father. 

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Like everyone else I too have fantasies, and my sexual ones are very violent, sick and downright disturbing. Yet it's the 'wholesome' platonic one that makes me feel the worst. I have heard my friends describe their fantasies before, non-sexual ones include a nice relationship or getting into their dream uni and all, I have those too. But I have never come across someone who imagines anything like this. 

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It makes me feel very uncomfortable and helpless. Like I am a pathetic loser who won't ever be able to rectify certain parts of her life. Idk it just disturbs me a lot and makes me feel extremely sad.

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I (thought I) had a crush on a uni professor, only to later realize my crush is completely platonic, and whenever I think about him, I always imagine him being fatherly towards me. Sometimes it's him in the described-above fantasy. It was also then that I realized how much I fantasized about being a child again and having a loving father. 

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Idk it's very weird and pathetic. I am not liking this lol. Anyone else experiences the same?