I fucked up my life. I want a restart.

Why didn't I meet up with my friends more often when I still had some?
Why didn't I start working on myself earlier?
-It was probably the same reason as it is now.
Distracting oneself is easier than actively doing something. It takes energy. Energy I don't have.
I wish it was possible to go back in time and act differently than before and make things turn out how I imagined them to turn out. But instead I make up these fake scenarios in my head which only hurt me even more. I'm writing all of my thoughts down, trying to process everything. I know healing takes time, but I don't notice any progress. One could compare it to the curvature of the Earth that you don't notice either. Thus, it's hard to realize whether I'm going into the right direction without any satellites orbitting my thoughts.
Music and video games help me create an alternative universe. A world without any worries. A world where I'm not the main character in my own story. A world where I can lose myself without being lost.