Hello everyone. I used to on Reddit as well as on this subreddit for quite an amount of time. I ended up resetting due to some hardcore paranoïa, as well as security reasons (I gave out too much information to my taste).

I am a minor and I am being followed or at least was followed until recently by a psychiatrist and a therapist. I also live in Europe. I was never told my diagnosis, so I don't even know if I ever had one at all.

I have been severely depressed since a very young age, and the reasons remain unclear. I started having fantasies about killing myself at the beginning of middle school. Getting into highschool flipped the switch: I has multiple suicide attemps, which got my parents to care about me in a more serious fashion.

Moreover, I started hallucinating about a year and a half ago, and self-harming about 2 years ago from now. I had a couple of delusions and all these behaviors combined got me interned a couple times.

The second time I got interned my psychiatrist started giving me different medication. I had Zoloft (sertraline 50 mg) as an antidepressant all along while switching through mutliple other medications (Zyprexa 10mg, Tercian 100ml then 50 then 20, Atarax 50 mg, Abilify 15 ml then 7,5 then 5).

When I was let out after 2 months interned, I was medicated with Zoloft and Abilify for about 6 months. Everything got better, despite the fact that I don't remember a single thing, except for extreme fatigue and sleeping a lot.

I very recently stopped being medicated, and I have huge urges to harm myself, developing insomnia, as well as more hallucinations, and one big delusion. Now, again, I have no idea what my diagnosis and I'm not asking for one, so I have no idea if I'm going through any sort of psychotic episode or if I'm just... Weird or whatever.

I haven't spoken to anybody except my SO about it. I can'y gather up the courage to contact my psychiatrist or to tell my parents. I came here to have some motivation.