Last week I got drunk for 5 days in a row and then ended up in hospital due to an overdose of meds. I don’t want to specify more into that issue so going to leave it at that. 

Then I was in hospital for 3 days and people who I wanted to care for me, didn’t. Shock...not really, I expected it. My favourite person didn’t even bother to show any interest after opening up to him and telling him I don’t want anyone else but him. He only responded to messages from me that basically stated  I was about to cut him out my life again. Then back to nothing from him. 

Although I’m still hurt, I’m not upset anymore about it. Small triumph right? I’m also not craving him, I just miss him. 

Today I posted my first selfie of me since i lost my happiness and I actually smiled in it because today was a good day. People aren’t messaging me “fit” or “yeah I would” like I’m used to but it’s “There’s that beautiful smile” or “I’m so glad to see you smile again” and now I’m crying tears of happiness. 

People who actually cared have been there all along but I was so wrapped up in my own scary thoughts that I never saw it. Today I felt happiness again but it’s scary. I just want to keep it safe and keep it with me.