ive been wanting to write this for a while but have been too depressed to lol. 

everything is awful. nothing makes me happy anymore. i was looking forward to taking a ceramic class during the pandemic but now that i’m finally taking it, i hate it. 

i used to love it and i still do but i am so fucking exhausted and don’t get joy out of it anymore. i hate everything i make and am finding it harder and harder to get motivation to do it.

this was the last thing i had. the last thing that brought me joy and now even that doesn’t do it for me. 

i sleep most of the time, shower once a week, my clothes are smelly and i’m too exhausted to wash them. i used to get joy from eating junk food and takeout and would look forward to it but now i hardly eat anything because chewing is exhausting and there is no way i can get together more than one “meal” a day. 

all my plants are dying because im too depressed to water them. i have so many thing i need to do but no energy to do them. 

ive tried therapy multiple time with multiple therapists. ive been taking antidepressants for years. i’m too exhausted to exercise, i can barely even get out of my bed to pee. i hate talking to people irl about how i feel and have no friends anyway. 

nothing helps. idk what to do. not sure why i’m posting this just wanted to get it out because it has been stewing for a long time.