I'm so tired of feeling hopeless. I'm twenty five and have known I'm depressed since 16. Before that, I had lots of behavioral and emotional issues but did not yet know what was wrong. 

I feel like my life has naturally reached its conclusion. Things were real nice growing up, on the surface anyways, and now, after a series of failures and chance and life circumstances, I feel like I've played all my cards already and it's time for me to peace out.

I've literally never met anyone who feels as old as I do.
I have a rich inner world and at this point feel as though I've already experienced enough ( no I do not have kids nor a relationship) and have lost a desire to keep living.

I've been through trying to work out my emotional issues in therapy for a whopping 7 years, and have tried and tried again to make sense of my emotional struggles and inevitable loneliness. Sadly it feels futile nowadays, and all I see are dead ends, in ways I hadn't seen before.

My only hope is getting out of my heads. Doing some kind of drug. Smoking. I have tried smoking, drinking, and edibles each about once, and those were the only times I felt like myself again. I was normal, and undamaged like the way I was when I was a kid. Thanks for listening, and please no unsolicited advice. Much love.