 **tw: ed; panic attacks**

for context, I have several crippling mental illnesses that keep me from attending school or work, the only regularity in my life is my therapist.

So I've always been on the more self-deprecating side, but recently it has gotten out of hand. Dressing more alternative was always something that made me feel good and safe and it kept me from worrying too much about how I look since I could objectively say that I have a nice fit.

But recently it has just gone away: I hate getting dressed and styling outfits has turned into a pointless game since in the end I will hate every part of my appearance and stay at home in pajamas instead. I tried getting new clothes or changing my style, but nothing helps. Instead, I get regular 3-4 days of disordered eating, leaving me weaker and more anxious than before. it's not like I don't like my clothes, especially my shirts (pants are very problematic), I just don't like them on me.

A while ago my mum forced me to get my meds from the pharmacy and I had a panic attack for like 2 hours

I don't want to lose another thing that I liked to my idiot brain.

any similar experiences or things that helped?

thank you, have a nice day