I (25F) am feeling horrible tonight. My ex husband (28M) joined the military back in October the same month our divorce was finalized, and went to basic training. He told me before he left not to send pictures, but my grandpa died literally less than a week after he left, so I forgot. When he sent me his first letter the first week of December, I was excited and sent him one back on a Sunday with pictures of our cats. That same upcoming week around Friday I also sent a Manila envelope with some letters, a colored picture (from a coloring book) of a cat, and my short story about us that was published last year. Then that Monday I got a letter from him telling me my first letter got him in trouble because of the photos and I immediately knew my second letter/package would get him in trouble, but I couldn't take it back. I sent an apology letter. I also sent one normal letter this week because I didn't hear back about the second packet, and just yesterday sent a merry Christmas letter that I drew a gnome on (now I'm anxious my hand drawing on the letter will be wrong too). Just today I received a letter from him that he wrote on the 16th telling me that the second letter/package had gotten there and he and his platoon got in trouble again for the cat drawing and he was being counseled because of the short story. He told me he was upset and not to write to him anymore because "I didn't listen".

I feel heartbroken. I didn't know. I didn't know before I sent that package and I don't understand why it was so bad that he's getting counseled and I feel even worse that I sent letters between then and today because now he's going to say I don't listen again, but I just didn't know. I know they don't always have their phones on them and I hope it doesn't get him in trouble, but I did send a text saying I had received his letter and I won't write him anymore. But he'll probably tell me I got him in trouble for that too, or my gnome drawing, or something else.

I still love him even though I shouldn't and knowing I got him in trouble when I didn't mean to and when I was trying to do something nice destroys me and makes me feel so bad about myself. It makes me feel horrible and ashamed about my feelings and like everything I do is shameful and wrong.