I've been single for the past two years, since I broke up with my ex. I figured I shouldtake some time to heal and work on my mental health. I wasn't looking for anything serios and I started to  enjoy being on my own, till he appeared. 

I met this guy, Mr. C., one week ago and it was instant attraction from both sides, worse from his side, but I could definitely tell I liked him. We met at dinner with some friends and colleagues from another company (we work in the same industry) and we had a few drinks.  He took a sit next to me and we started chatting. We found out that we have a lot of things in common, and later on, same passions, very similar backgrounds and upbringing, to the point that it got a bit odd. As I had to go to work the next day, I left around midnight. He decided to leave as well. 

Nexd day, I met the guys at dinner again. We throwed  a party, as one of the guys was leaving. We were all dancing and having lots of fun(as I didn't have in a very long time). Mr. C. invited me to dance. The attraction felt so strong, it scared me. During the night the other guys and gal told me it's super obvious Mr. C. likes me a lot. At some point when most of the guys went outside for a smoke, he turned off the lights and kissed me. We couldn't stop, it got so intoxicating that we couldn't help it. We were making out and everyone could see us. After the guys left, we had sex and he asked me to spend the night with him. He was telling me how beautiful and special I am. We ended up going to his room. While we were cuddling he told me he liked me from the first moment he seen me, and he couldn't stop thinking about me. He confessed the previous night he wanted to come to my room(he seen the key with my room no. on the table) , but he abandoned the idea because he didn't wanted to come off as creepy.. 

I had to leave the place in the morning and prepare for my travel. He insisted coming to my room while I was packing up to spend a bit more time with me before I leave. I was impressed... He tried to make some plans to see each other again. He called me next evening, and even tho' both of us were exhausted,  we ended up chatting for two hours. As I was around 3h away from him, we agreed on me going to his place next evening and going climbing the next day. We had an amazing night together, he told me that he was anxious I won't show up and was looking for my car in the parking lot every few minutes. We ended up sharing some intimate stories about our past and spoke about many things. The similarities were striking. He was gazing into my eyes like I was the most precious thing on earth. Made me feel wanted. It was obvious we're both starting catching feelings for each other. (Way too soon, I know) It got me thinking he might have some BPD symptoms, as well.

Next morning, as we were cuddling I heard that horrible " I got something to tell you, and I know you'll hate me and you won't want to have anything to do with me anymore. There is someone in my life." It felt like a punch in my stomach. I couldn't breathe. I distanced myself. He seemed desperate and was chasing me around the room. He begged me not to leave and listen. He told me about this other woman he has been with for a couple of years and he cannot leave her, even tho' he wants to and he wants me. I asked for details. He said they broke up several times, and their relationship is not working anymore. But the last time he broke up with her, she told him she's pregnant and if he leaves her, she will raise the child alone. As he had grown up fatherless, he had decided he cannot abandon his child. But he's aware their relationship is doomed and he's burring himself in work, avoiding going home. I was shocked, I couldn't believe this is happening. He insisted that he caught feelings for me, and he's fantasizing living with me, but he's blackmailed by his gf. But he would like to keep in touch and he won't abandon the idea of us being together. He said he never liked somone the way he likes me and never felt so strong for someone in such a short time. He feels terrible for hurting me, and he cannot lie to me, even tho he knows he's losing me, as it feels like lying to himself. He was crying like a baby.

At this point I started disocisting and playing different suicide scenarios in my head. I'm going through a rough time anyway and I couldn't be more fucked up and vulnerable the moment this hit me.

He begged me to stay for a while. I could see he's desperate he's loosing me. I spent some more time with him and then decided to leave. He begged me to stay. Came after me to the car, asking to take him with me. I told him he has work and more important stuff to focus on(his new family). He replied that I'm his top priority. It broke my heart. I couldn't take more guild. I was obsessively thinking about that unborn child. I left, driving recklessly, screaming and hitting the steering will. I could barely see the road. He texted me multiple times asking if I arrived safely. I ignored him. 

I called him later drunk af and I was really mean. I shamed him for what he has done. Asked if all this was some bat shit crazy game. He insisted he has feelings and he cannot stop thinking about us. That I was never just a distraction for him. He never done this before, but he couldn't help it..I told him to stay the fuck away from me. 

I haven't eaten in two days, I started smoking again and drinking heavily (I drink very rarely in small quantities). I cannot sleep and all I can think of is him and taking my life. I have no motivation to pick up the pieces again after this last blow. I cannot work or focus on anything else.