Hello,

Hope everyone is well :)

I guess now that I have more time on my hands with being at home I have been over thinking about the past more even though I'm practising mindfulness techniques and reading etc so trying to be as proactive with self improvement as possible.   


I feel regretful for some of my behaviours in past relationships, one was quiet recent just over a month ago where I ended up getting broken up with. I became extremely anxious on a phone call with him and felt terrible for what I was voicing with my anxieties. I knew he was angry at the end of the phone call and felt terrible within myself like I had to punish myself. I became so distraught that I swallowed pills hoping they would get me to sleep for a few hours, I basically repeated a past mistake in a relationship overdosing.  I had msged saying what a terrible person I felt I was and how this world wasn't meant for me. It got too much to handle for him and he left me. When I see online this can be seen as manipulation it upsets me as I wasn't saying I will kill myself if you leave it was more I'm angry at myself for my anxieties and don't want to be here anymore.  


The guilt of my behaviour sometimes really eats away at me. I know I'm using this time to focus on much healthier behaviours and self improvement. Sometimes I just can't help thinking about the past and how guilty I feel.