Little background. Got diagnosed with depression 2+ years ago and also told I was considered suicidal because of the intrusive thoughts I have. I have probably been depressed a hell of a lot longer than my diagnosis. But I have been able to manage it well with self care and medication. 

But I got let go from my job Thursday just before my 3 month probation was ending. I was told it was because I wasn’t as experienced as they thought I was when they hired me. Which I have a hard time believing because when I was hired I told them what I was good at and what I needed work on. I said there would be a learning curve but I was excited to learn new skills. They still hired me knowing this. I even felt myself improving over the last few weeks. They obviously felt different. I was never given a meeting or a sit down to say they were unhappy with my progress. 

This is where the intrusive thoughts come in. I feel like a failure. I feel worthless and that I cannot accomplish anything. Then I get the thoughts of it would probably be easier to just off myself and have thoughts of how would be the best way. This is terrifying. Even though taking my life is not something I want to do or plan to do. Fighting this battle with my own brain is super fucked up. I cannot wait for this to pass. 

Thanks for listening to my vent. It’s just been weighing on me. Needed to get it off my chest.