I’m 23, male, full time worker, soon to be dad &amp; fiancé. 

I’ve had anxiety since I can remember, I grew up in a home were hearing my parents argue was a daily thing. I wet the bed until I was 13 (and coincidently that’s when they split up)

In school, I was always the lightning rod of the friend group. I always always got picked on by everyone. I would try to do something like making YouTube videos &amp; the whole entire school would dislike my videos and I eventually deleted everything and stopped trying to pursue that.

Once I got to high school, I was in a “friend group” But truthfully, it’s because I was so lonely after my dad passing away at 16. It was either be alone in my bed for hours and hours or go get tortured by my “friends”. I’ve had my feet lit on fire, shit rubbed on my face, had my ribs kicked 20x after they convinced me to stand up for myself… Definitely more shit than that, but I always considered myself “the lightning rod” because I knew those kids had a lot more shit going on at home.. 

I moved my senior year to a whole different high school &amp; I only lasted about 2 months before I got bullied out of it and finish doing online schooling. 
No matter where I went, I was always the person everyone targeted, for no reason. An easy person to pick on/make fun of. 

My anxiety got horrible during the pandemic, I worked a night job at a grocery store, lived by myself, and had no one that cared about me.. I would only work, sleep, play games then repeat for two years. I got so reclusive that even going to the gas station at 1am made me have a panic attack. 

Fast forward a couple years, I’m engaged, I have a baby on the way(8 months!) I work at a different grocery store and have my own house with my fiancé. 

I’m still struggling so hard every day. It’s hard because I don’t really feel like anyone understands how much my brain is fucked up. My nerves are shot, my whole body tingles randomly, my stomach makes it hard for me to eat, I have a horrible fear of throwing up… But now I’m going to be a dad and I really don’t know how I’ll be able to handle that.. I’m so excited but so nervous..

If you read this far, thank you..