 Right now I'm 19m but extremely soon turning 20 which is going to suck knowing i haven't really done anything with my time here.

  
I've never had a relationship, haven't pursued a career,  haven't   made my parents proud. I have a small group of friends, which every one is better than me in every way. I hate that I missed out on teen love, I'm never going to have anyone I can open with (hence I'm here), go parks with, go beaches, cite seeing, while I know I could do this all alone it seems pointless too, I've never had anyone tell me they love me not even my parents, I've been trying to figure out a way to survive on my own I'm barely affording rent and have a £100 car. Both of which I was hoping would make me better in some way or more accomplished, but they didn't.

  
I cannot remember the last time i genuinely laughed at my mate's or media, I always fake it to be polite but i honestly cant remember laughing past the age 13. Always told myself that it would get better, that something would change, but reaching 20 and still being this alone and pointless is crushing.  
not sure how much more i can take so posting it here since i dont really have anyone to go to and dont want to die with this.