I'm not perfect, I have difficulties talking especially online, sometimes in person, there are times I can't speak at all, and my relationship with my dad is rocky.

Never lived with him, we barely have common interests, but I try to connect... its what you're supposed to do right? even though he speaks to me like I'm committing a crime just cause I have anxiety attacks responding to texts sometimes. He's just a guy, he has flaws and you take the good with the bad right?

So I go to his birthday celebration, after we're left alone I try to connect a bit, talk about how I'm not stable right now, some insecurities about our relationship and so far he's kinda supportive, so I try to open up more.

He was trying to help me find a psychologist, so I open up and tell him how I felt when the single psychologist appointment he got me a phew years ago where the guy read a basic report someone else did on me, asked me 2 questions, didn't give me any advice and gave me medication like its a done deal and I'm just feeling a bit sad... Try to explain how it left me more anxious about my depression and how it left me fearful of medication I might need and psychological help I definitely need

And the f\*\*\*er just start's yelling, telling me I'm not even trying and I'm insulting the guy's knowledge on the field. And when I try to explain how I felt I have to shut up cause no one listens to him and I can't understand life doesn't revolve around me.

Now My phone and bank cards are in his house and I'll have even more difficulties talking to the few friends that can actually help me deal with my shit or buying things that can distract me from the fact I hate myself...