Six days ago I was so happy, 2021 was supposed to be the year I got my life together. I was about to go back to my dream job after Christmas break, everything felt rose tinted. 

Well it’s all come crashing down. My jobs postponed because of COVID and because I only just started I’m not covered by any pay schemes so I’m back to having no income and living off benefits which is really depressing. I don’t have much to get up for at the moment, I’m supposed to be finishing my degree this year but I feel so behind in all my work and I’ve put things off for so long it seems insurmountable. 

On top of that I’ve realised I have no one. Recently the person I thought was my best friend has been so distant I’m kinda giving up on our one sided friendship. My other “friends” have been posting on social media all this shallow “check on your friends in 2021” “here’s to all those who made it through 2020” crap. But I’ve not heard a peep out of any of them in months. I know it’s hard because covid means I can’t see them physically and everyone’s going through their own stress, but all I’ve had is measly “happy new year” texts and nothing else.

I feel so lonely. My family have never been great and the festive period has made it glaringly obvious how great they’d be without me. I just feel, well, useless. I want to stay in bed all day, there’s literally nothing for me to get out of bed for. There’s nothing to work toward, I’ve lost all motivation and it’s just hard.