I turned 19 a couple of days ago and in all honesty it pretty sucked. I have very little to no friends and it's been that way since the 6th grade, I always tried to put an effort into making some but nothing really came out of it and I always told myself it'd get better but it just never did. And seeing Instagram stories of people I knew graduating the same highschool I went with them hurt me alot (for better context I failed the 11th grade last year cause of really bad anxiety and didn't get to move onto graduation year).

I don't think I've ever experienced a normal teenager thing to do like being apart of a friend group, going out to parties, having a relationship and doing dumb shit only to just learn from them. I just really wish I could've done something to give myself something remotely similar to that life, but I have no choice but to soak in that dread and accept I wasted potentially some of the most fun years of my life.

And to think I'm on the brink of entering my 20s really fucking terrifies me and I'm scared it'll turn out just like my teenage years, sad and alone only for it to recycle to the next decade, if I somehow don't off myself by then .