CW: low mood

Lockdown has made me realise I don’t have any friends any more. I’ve pushed away all my lifelong friends who now hate me because of all the stupid shit I’ve done over the years. I feel like everyone leaves me and I deserve it. Nobody has messaged me since we went into lockdown and even my family haven’t contacted me.

I live with my bf who doesn’t really understand, he says ive got him, and our housemate. But that’s it, that’s all my friends. I keep watching insta stories and it’s making me depressed. I don’t only feel lonely, I feel pathetic for having nobody. Im starting to have intrusive thoughts about how nobody would miss me if I was gone.