If you need the full story, check my profile. TW for rape if you do.

I am medicated and was previously pretty stable. This has me fighting for my goddamned life. Trying to handle it in a healthy way and doing everything I can, and I am still feeling unsurmountable levels of agony and triggered feelings. How do I even begin to cope? How can I find healthy outlets when the ones I have aren't even touching this? I have worked so damn hard to get where I am now in terms of stability and health, and I can feel it all slipping away. I can't afford to spiral again, my work, school, and relationships all depend on me getting through this. What can I even do? Where do I even begin to unpack the grief? I wish I felt more angry but I almost feel more grateful that he still wants me around.