Its hard to look in the mirror, seeing the noticeable weight loss. I can feel my fucking bones without touching them. Its hard to touch my boobs, noticing how smaller it got when it was already small, making my insecurity about it worse.

Its just hard to eat, even fucking candy, its hard to use my mouth, like it takes sm energy out of me. It got to the point where I wouldn't even get up to eat when it felt like my stomach was really desperate for food and my head was hurting so bad, it felt like I was gonna pass out.

I couldn't even drink water, but I just forced myself today. and I also did force myself to eat so yay, that's smthg good

and I've been avoiding work, fuck me. i don't even care if they fire me at this pt. I should've told them about my depression but when I was applying, I thought I wouldn't go in another depressive ep. I was so confident.

\^This was in my drafts weeks ago

I finally worked and I tried to consistently make sure to eat at least one meal a day and go through at least one water bottle a day for a few days now. Then I got sick, work was a big toll again and its so hard to eat. I feel totally lost again and its just hard to keep up with keeping myself healthy. but I'm not so insecure about my looks, I'm pretty neutral about it.