Hi everyone. So, some self reflection and many comments in the relationship advice sub made me realise I might have BPD. I thought about it, researched it, became very uncomfortable with the similarities I was seeing, and (2 months ago) I reached out to my old psychologist.


Turns out, yes, I have PTSD related BPD. I am okay with this, I knew about my depression, anxiety, and childhood trauma. There was more that I didn't understand, but now, all of a sudden... It Had A Name! It was euphoric, knowing what was "wrong" with me.


Now comes the hard part, treatment, growth, and change. Internal confrontation with the trauma that made me this way, acknowledging the toxic traits in myself, trying to heal. My psych told me to read and work through Reinventing Your Life, by Young &amp; Klosko. It is a great book, and it is giving me a lot of insights. It is also stirring up a lot of emotions, and I need someone to talk to about them, to vent, to share my discoveries and discomfort.


Here is the problem. I have my partner (total gem). I have my family (key players in the childhood trauma and life long rugs sweepers and/or narcissists). And then I have my one and only friend, who also has BPD. She told me this after I shared my diagnoses with her, because she had been trying to figure out how to tell me that I was showing symptoms that she had learned about from her psych and her own research and reading.

Now, my friend has a rich and full life, with tonnes of friends and family. I only really have her and my hubby. I cannot lean solely one the two of them. Hubby supports and adores me, he does all he can for me, but he is only one person. I can't be a stage 10 clinger sharing all of my emotional turmoil with my also mentally ill best friend. I absolutely suck at making friends. I either scare them off immediately, or get too anxious and come of snobby and aloof, or start getting to know people and get ghosted. I haven't been able to make a new friend since high school, over a decade ago.

I'm struggling a bit, and need people I can share with and talk to. Normally I'm a loner and content with that, but lately, with all of the emotional work I've been doing, I feel really alone. My only friend hasn't replied to my messages for a week, and it is tripping my anxiety. My hubby is doing the best he can. I don't know, I can't put how I feel right now into words.

Do you guys also suck at making and keeping friends?