
last night i was acting pretty normal until it got to around 12. i was trying to hang my phone on my fan for a video i was making but it wasn’t working. so, i thought of an alternative i could use. i searched my living room at 1 am for something i could use. i completely could’ve just waited till the morning but i was feeling extremely energized and hyper. i found a swivel chair. i tried to bring it into my room but it was far far far too large to fit through the doorway. so i thought i should go get a screwdriver. i sat there for mind you, an HOUR taking apart this chair. my family got up confused and worried about me. i took apart all the arms and the backing and lunged it into my room at 2 am. still feeling extremely hyperactive, i realized this wasn’t going to work. i laid down and had some sort of anxiety attack where i could stop twitching or ticcing, if you will. then i sobbed my eyes out for 45 minutes. not knowing why i was crying or what was wrong. i couldn’t sleep until 5 am. the next morning i woke up extremely confused. why the hell did i take apart an entire chair last night for an hour straight  for no reason??? what the fuck was i thinking?? it felt like i was out of my body and absolutely insane. i might be overthinking this but something did not feel right and i felt paranoid the whole night. it was like i was another person or in some sort of weird episode. no one in their right mind would take apart an entire chair at 1 am while their family is asleep for practically no reason and then have an anxiety attack and sob their eyes out. for some background information i am on zoloft and am diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and social anxiety. could it have something to do with my medication or mental health? was this some sort of episode? why did i do this? i’m so confused, but i might be overthinking this. also, i don’t know if this is related but a few times a month i find myself extremely frightened to look in my mirror because i feel like the person in the mirror isn’t me. could this be related or do you think you have an idea of where my mind might be during this? pls let me know what u think !