Most days I feel completely alone, as if the entire world has abandoned me. Family and friends are extinct, and I just want some interaction in my life. I want it so much to the point I fantasize and daydream about just talking to people and feeling loved and happy.

But anytime someone actually starts trying to talk to me or become friends, no matter how long I’ve known them, I retreat. I ignore most texts for really long periods of time, and I cancel or try to get out of plans. But once they leave me I feel alone and abandoned again.

It’s like I’m obsessed with the idea of having people close to me rather than actually wanting it.