2020 is the year I decided to explain borderline to those close to me. With the diagnostic it's easier to understand myself and make sense of it. 


Last week I got in a fight with my boyfriend over politics. Right there and then I decided I didn't wanna be with someone who works in relation to the police. My boyfriend is a wielder and he builds machines used during riots. I asked him to get another job and he refused. Explaining the coronavirus made the job market difficult. I don't care, I just want him to get another job. I'm disgusted by what he does now.


Last week I got in a fight with my best friend. After an abusive relationship, losing a baby, and being homeless, I've been living with my parents for the last 10 years. I'm almost 30. 
For 5 years now I asked my best friend to be my roommate. She agreed. Somehow I always end up splitting when it's time to make it real. I don't know why.
She handles everything. I trust her. Coronavirus made it harder for us to find a place we can afford. I work part time. She works full time from home and has a side gig with her art. 
This is the 5th time she tried to help me leave my parents home but I keep fucking it up.


Coronavirus made it near impossible for her to travel here. 4 hours away. Her town was on lockdown but for months she tried to find a place here.


After the fight with my boyfriend, she told me she had found a place and we were preapproved. I was splitting. I told her I didn't care. She asked why. I told him it took too long. She started arguing and explaining coronavirus made it difficult but I didn't care. She gave me space.


Both of them, I've tried to go back into their lives since.
With my boyfriend it's getting impatient and passive aggressive if he doesn't reply right away or if the chat stops. With my best friend, I know I hurt her feelings and she replies but I feel distant with her. I don't know why.

How do I explain it to them?