I have learned this the hard way many times. There is no worse feeling I can imagine than looking back on a situation and knowing you could have fixed it. The 'what ifs'.

DBT and general BPD coping skills teach you ways to live in the moment, practice mindfulness, acceptance, to stay out of these past events. But I think many of us find ways to determine why our specific past event was unique and why we deserve to dwell on it.

I will soon be 31 and I've been dealing with this disorder since I was 13, without knowing exactly what it was. And I have experienced countless setbacks from it, fortunately, I've managed to go two steps forward and one back each time through sheer determination and diligent self reflection. But many times after getting through it, my consistency slips, and I forget what I learned in the first place. Good post on [Object Permanence](https://old.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/w1zugj/tiny_life_hack_for_emotional_permanency/) today that has relevancy here. 

I just lost a relationship, the most serious of my life. I did a good job of not making her an FP in the moment. But as things have ended, I have backslid hard. I am obsessing over her. I am obsessing over the mistakes I made. And worst of all, I SEE how avoidable my actions were. It took a truly brutal emotional event for me to get back on track. And while I am doing well pushing forward with healthy habits, being very regimented, being mindful, the fact that I could flip that switch immediately have a traumatic incident is proof you can flip that switch before it happens.

Once again I feel hollow and dead inside. The constant pain and anxiety I feel has forced me to strengthen myself. So the 'next time' will be fixed. But many times in your life are one-of-a-kind (not just relationships), and if you can start working right his second, no 'woe is me' attitude and fight like hell, you might turn it around before it's too late, and just imagine the pride you will feel then.

TL;DR: No time like the present