I've been trying so hard for long, I completely feel like I've lost all grips on reality and hope and have just entered this nightmare where I feel completely hopeless and helpless. 

I've been suffering with major debt problems and lately not being able to feed myself, I feel like I'm a failing father since I'm not able to give them the basics without struggling. I want to be the best possible dad but I feel like life is just honestly kicking me down repeatable. Every time I get a second chance something from the shadows will complet snatch that away from me. No matter how positive I am, no matter what options I take ill just end up back at square one. I know there's no god that will automatically fix my issues, debt and on top of that give me the break and miracle I've been longing to wait for, but this is real life, not a story. 

I'm so close to just giving up on myself as a father and a person. I'm running on the spot trying to reach the moon.