I always feel let down by my SO. He's not physically or emotionally abusive at all. He sits on his phone or laptop and goes on message boards or plays video games the whole time he's home. It makes me feel like he's just...not here. He really only initiates conversation on a very surface level otherwise I'm the one to try and engage him in something to do together. It's been that way for a while now, he's told me recently that he's gotten comfortable and taken things for granted. I feel like maybe he's disengaging for a reason, like I became too much to handle or I'm not fun to talk to anymore. I also think we're just two different people...he's much more reserved. It feels like I live alone, but with another body in the room. I'm definitly okay with sitting in silence with somebody, I think that's a sign of a healthy relationship. But that's how it is all the time! 

I bring this up on the BPD board because I'm diagnosed with BPD and know that we typically have unreasonably high standards of others. I also feel a huge spike of emotion when thinking about this issue as it's happening and have a hard time bringing myself back down. Sometimes I'm confused and don't know if there really is an issue or if my symptoms are taking hold. I feel like something is wrong here...I feel frustrated and angry with him. I communicate how I'm feeling and why and tonight he literally just said nothing. It's shit like that that makes me feel like a trash person, like why am I with this person? I feel so worthless. 

I don't really have a question, seeking support with this topic. 