I’m having issues with being able to control my urges to say things. And I don’t really know how to go about changing that. Or if I really want to actually. 
For so, so long I had to hold my thoughts in to be able to “fit in” with my family. It was absolute torture. Then When I got married and moved away. I thought, “yayy I’m finally going to be able to let go and be me.” But I was greatly mistaken. I had to literally keep quiet the entire marriage. If I said anything that he didn’t like or agree with (which was practically everything) he’d call me crazy and threaten to send me back to the psych ward if I didn’t “come to my senses”. Since I’ve been on my own, there have been people I’ve “talked” to. None of which I felt comfortable enough to just be me with. So again I’ve held my tongue. 
Now, I’ve come across someone pretty accepting and so kind. I feel really comfortable with them. But with that comfort comes saying things without a filter. Or much thought. I fear I push him away by doing so and I’ll be left without him. I can do alone. Alone is my jam. But without him would be pretty tragic. I’m not ready for that.
He encourages me to say what’s in my mind. But I feel like sometimes after I do, I leave him wondering if I’m worth the hassle. Which in turn makes me feel like I should just disappear. However, I’m just assuming I’m making him feel this way. And have no idea if that’s the truth or not. I could ask, but he’s so thoughtful he’d probably just deny it or make it seem like it isn’t such a big deal. So he could spare my feelings and prevent a spiral. I really have no idea how I even came across such a kind, patient and amazing person. And that’s why I don’t want to keep letting things just come out of my mouth without thoroughly thinking it through. 
But there’s a part of me that’s kinda like, if someone can’t take/ handle me (which I have no idea if he can or not. But he’s been doing pretty well thus far) then they’re not for me.
HOWEVER... I also feel as though if someone or something truly makes you happy you’ll do what you have to to keep them/ it around. In my case I need to figure out a healthy medium  of saying what’s on my mind. But at the same time watching how I say those things. And deciding if what’s in my mind even needs to said. Or if it’s better to just keep it to myself. 
How do you all control your urges? For both actions and saying things. Cause for now my actions are in check for the most part. But, I know if I can’t get my words in check my actions will start to become blurred as well. 
Any help/ advice/ support would be greatly appreciated.