Is this abnormal for people with bpd? I a lot of the posts I read around about people with bpd maneuvering real life problems such as relationships, having children, jobs etc...

I have many issues bpd being one of them, and ever since I was a little boy I never fit in with anybody or any group and was basically outcast. I have body dismophic disorder, narcissistic qualities, major depression  and anxiety.. around 19 years old(now 28) I cut ties with everybody I Knew and have not made a solid friend since.  I've only had one short lived relationship when I was younger. I couple years ago I stopped working because I kept having mental breakdowns and wanting to kill myself. The last bout left me homeless living in my truck for almost a year.. since I am not working my life in some ways is much more tolerable but I am poor and truly alone. I have not celebrated my birthday or any holidays in years. Up until recently I had 2 friends I would see once and a while but even they want nothing to do with me anymore. I maybe have a brief social visit with somebody once every 2-3 months. 



Not to downplay any of other people with bpd struggles but I wish I had unstable relationships/friendships and whatever else, I have nothing, I am too shamed of my existence to attempt to make a life and quite frankly so not have the skills. 

Today I went out for lunch with a sort of acquaintance and being out in public and observing other people hang out with friends and laugh etc...  upset me greatly, I have just been laying in bed all day feeling like I would be better off dead. I have been seeing a psychologist  for months now and I don't feel like there is anything she or myself can do..  I'm 28 years old and I lack even the most basically skills to function in society...


The crazy thing is your would never think of me in this way looking at me, on the surface I look like a regular person, I can also make decent good impression, but once you get to know me I am just a broken empty shell of a man