Tips on accepting that your path is different than other people’s - tips on not comparing your progress and happiness to others? 

I’ve mostly gotten off social media stuff recently (aside from this but it feels different because it’s anonymous) - so now that I’m not seeing people sharing the best moments of their lives, I’m generally happier —- but I do go on it (like insta or something) sometimes, even if just to speak to people, and I’ve noticed that now that I’m less acclimated to it, it affects me soooo much and so negatively 

For example, someone who I used to live with has a bf that I never liked, he would be over all the time and they’d be super loud and they were always super irritating together because she would just change into this giggly mess whenever he was over and talk in a stupid voice and they were just super annoying— anyway- she just posted about how much she loves him for his birthday — and (childishly, I know) I can’t stop feeling SO incredibly angry about it — especially since my ex left me, I can’t stop myself from wishing they would have a horrible break up- I feel like such a disgusting horrible person for thinking this way, and it’s not the logic that wants it it’s the emotion but it’s still so strong- the jealousy is so intense that I genuinely wish their relationship would go down in absolute flames. I want to stop thinking like such a bad person. I want to be happy for people, and I want to want good things for people, I want good things in other peoples lives to make me happy, but instead it usually just makes me wish they would lose everything good they have. It’s like I hate myself and my life and where I’m at so much that I don’t know how to find the capacity to be happy that other people are doing so much better than me in almost, if not every single way

When I think about the people I used to be close with that I’m not anymore, and I think about how they’re still living their lives every day and probably have a ton of good things going for them that have nothing to do with me, it makes me wish I could disappear forever and it makes me feel like my soul is just shrivelling up and dying (dramatic, I know, but I can’t make it go away) 

I want to be able to think about my ex, and think about friends that I’ve lost , and not let those thoughts make me hate my life and hate myself and make me wish I was dead , I don’t want to be so angry just because  other people are happy, or have things I don’t.