my depression has gotten worse. it gets worse by the day. i cant make myself get out of bed to so much as pee, let alone shower or brush my teeth. i feel like i am ruining my relationship with my boyfriend and myself. i just want to be happy. it’s like one side of my brain is telling me to get out of bed and be happy, but the other one is telling me to stay down. nothing puts an end to this endless suffering. there are happy moments, but i haven’t been overall happy since i was 10. i am 17 now. my parents don’t believe in mental illnesses, so i can’t get help. i’ve tried to tell my mom i am depressed and she just tells me to read my bible. i’m religious, but i can’t just pass my feelings off on “reading the bible” that’s not going to change how i feel. i constantly think of how i hate myself and how being alive is an endless pit of never ending despair. i don’t have enough money to get therapy or help of any kind. what am i supposed to do? the hardest part of all, is having to hide this from everyone. i come off so happy and cheerful. but that isn’t the case at all. i cant stand to live anymore. please. someone help me. is there anything i can do to fix myself?