Let me preface this by saying, anyone who comes across this and measures themselves against this; you are still here, you are winning and you will overcome your hardships.

&amp;#x200B;

I was diagnosed with moderate, bordering severe, depression back in 2019. Since then I have spent most of the last two years in a state of apathy, that is to say that I have not experienced what I would consider to be an emotional reaction (visible sadness, excitement etc). I had continuous and frequent existential crises that meant I was considering mortality multiple times every day. I have been taking a prescribed medication for this affliction and have been following advice from a therapist that I had been referred to by my GP. At the time I'd pulled up in the car park to go to work with the constant feeling of being on the verge of tears. When I'd finally stopped my car I just broke and cried, and that's what prompted me to seek help.

Throughout the last two years I had no major change in mood, merely going through day to day duties and such. Every day was just go to work, pretend to be carefree, keep up appearances and then come home, cook one of a few pre-determined meals and then retire to a game that I no longer found joy in whilst I took care of someone I live with. I didn't really enjoy anything, I just did things to fill time.

Fast forward to around a week ago and I suddenly woke up one day and felt 'aware'. Content and alert, I could act with confidence and happily just 'be' even though nothing substantial has changed. I'm wandering about doing everything I usually do but I feel more animated, though relaxed, with every interaction and situation. I'll quite happily sing to myself, whistle a tune at work and brush off any minor mistake or hardship. I don't bemoan a situation as I once would; I might roll my eyes and make a small comment but I get on with it and try to have fun at the same time.

Am I truly on the way up? It's been a week and the feeling remains. I'll continue to take my medication for the time being, at least until my next review, but I honestly feel as if for whatever reason I've surmounted some kind of obstacle.

I would appreciate input if anyone has had a similar experience, and must again stress that if you are stuck in a similar mental state do not give up; you can win and you can feel better and experience life and all it has to offer.