Hey, this will be my first rant but I’m going to start using this as a rant.
I’m not a particularly sad person, I’m actually happy most of the time. 
I had my first depressive episode when I was 14 and my grandma, my only family died. Since then I’ve just had ups and downs, two actual attempts but you know, nothing serious. 
For a long time now I’ve reconnected with my mom and sister, our relationship is really strong and I seem to make them happy. 
Thing is, I’m don’t want to live, I’m so done it just doesn’t hurt anymore, I’m just bored. I haven’t killed myself but I will, it’s just a matter of time and I’m okay with it, it’s fine, I’m fine. I’m okay with that, I know having a depressive friend is so consuming mentally, and so that’s why I don’t really rely con my friends. I just, don’t want to be alive anymore. I’m done, and I’m okay with it.