My ex-girlfriend and I have known each other for about 10 years and have been a couple for 5. She decided a month ago to end the relationship so we could, in her words, both focus on ourselves. She has pretty severe PTSD so I understand logically speaking why we split but that ugly emotional side that cannot handle any sort of rejection came out in full force four days ago after weeks of bubbling under the surface. 

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I am a 27 year old male, and have struggled with extreme emotional difficulties my whole life. In my early 20s I was shuffled in and out of 7 different psych wards, culminating in a traumatic nine month stay in a state hospital. I always suspected I was BPD however I suspect doctors were hesitating "labeling" me as that for whatever reason. Four days ago I became extremely suicidal and resorted back to self-harming behaviors that lay dormant for years. I ended up being hospitalized and released but the pain is so very much. As I am writing this every waking moment I am experiencing the pain of the break up and the pain of the abandonment. I am almost completely isolated with the exception of my parents who shaped up in the past few years.

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Does anyone have any advice on how to make things easier on myself? I am starting an intensive outpatient DBT program next week however I am somewhat hopeless at that notion given the fact my self hatred and feelings of invalidation run so deep it is hard for me to think clearly about anything. I have started going to the gym and sitting in starbucks so I don't feel so alone, but the pain follows me everywhere. Thank you for any comments.