Well I just realized I'm destroying a fuckboy bc he played with me. And I don't think thats okay. But I can't stop thinking that is what I have to do: he played with me he made me believe tose things and know he's acting like a "friend" bc he's a coward. Now all I do is to gain his confidence and twist his mind when I can. Is awful. But I feel so betrayed. I thought he was perfect but now I think he's an asshole who deserves nothing but pain. But I know that's not okay and sometimes I try to act good but is so hard... I know I shouldn't idealize people but I feel so stupid and I hate that. He's not the worst guy on earth (maybe?) but right now he's like the devil. I'm trying so hard being nice I mean in a authentic way but when I see a weakness I use it. I'm such a bitch. But damn he deserves it in some way! So obsessed right now.