Hi everyone,

My girlfriend and I are very much in love. We both have our fair share of mental health issues and are both aware that it can have an impact on our relationship. We have been together now nearly 6 months and I have been noticing a few things. We have both been open with each other about our issues with childhood trauma and she is still struggling to be trusting over her past relationship failing after being cheated on repeatedly.   


I am an introvert and probably a "safe" boyfriend and she still has some issues where she accuses me of lying and being at another girls house despite me telling her I am at home in front of the TV. She screamed at me down the phone and told me that the relationship was over, all because she thought she heard someone in the background. It was the TV. Once I sent her a picture that I was at home, she didn't apologise, instead she said to me that I should have done a better job of reassuring her.

We have a very loving relationship. I write her poetry, I buy her flowers, I send her a good morning message every morning reminding her that I love her, I surprised her with a Cameo of her favourite celebrity when she was feeling down and I ordered her Uber Eats to her home when she was busy studying. She also does things for me in return which are very nice. I wouldn't even bring this up due to the fact I actually enjoy doing these things for her but I just wanted to give a little background as to the things that I do do. We live nearly 2 hours away from each other so it can be a bit difficult to be present all the time, so I feel like doing these things is a way of showing her how much I care.

Last night, she told me that I wasn't showing her enough love and despite the fact I tell her over and over, it's not what she wants. I reminded her that I do try other ways to show her, and she says that she doesn't want things bought for her, she wants me to show it. Confused, I asked her if she could give me an example of what she meant. She said "forget about it". I was hurt because I felt like I was doing my absolute best and it still wasn't enough.

Just before, we were having a completely normal conversation. I don't really like making myself the centre of attention and she loves talking about herself so most of our conversations are her talking and me listening... however I was telling her a story, and she stopped me and said "do you realise that I rang you and all you are doing is talking about yourself?" I was kinda hurt by that. I just was really enjoying sharing something with her and she cut me down very quickly. Her mood changed like a light switch and she ended up hanging up on me.

Other examples of some things that she struggles with:

She is extremely sensitive of peoples opinions of her. 

She hates the way she looks.

She requires constant attention from me (texting all day) and if I don't she gets upset with me. Eg. I was busy last week, had appointments all afternoon and just couldn't focus on texting her. I told her that and she was pretty good about it. One of my friends rang me, and I couldn't get off the phone with him but she was annoyed at me because I was speaking to him and not her.

Pushes me away. Says things like I am going to "end this" because of X and Y and expects me to pull her back in and not let her leave.

There are many other examples too that fit with BPD (from what I have researched) but I wanted to keep this post as short as possible.

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Writing this down, it makes it look like I am maybe insensitive to her mental health issues. It's not the case. I really love her and I know she loves me. I am here because I need support and help from this community. How can I help her? I don't think she even realises some of the behaviours she is doing, therefore would get really angry with me if I even suggested she should get some help. She is not diagnosed, I just have done some research and think that maybe she has got BPD? If she doesn't have BPD so be it, but I feel like I am at a loss of what to do.

Any advice would be so helpful, thanks.