
I don't want to be "different" and "cool" or something but alot of my behaviors is getting in the way and is affecting my life so I'm wondering if there's anything wrong with me. Basically i get crazy mood swings. I could go from wanting to kill myself to being happy asf in matters of hours. I also don't trust anyone, even my own family sometimes. I feel that everyone is lying even if it's the dumbest shit and that everyone hates me. I need approval from others and i crave attention. If I'm not someone's favorite person i would try to stop being their friends etc. I will do everything and anything to be everyone's bestie even if i don't like them. I want everyone to like me and it's honestly draining. I didn't have the best childhood and i grew up hearing that I'm faking everything from my father (won't get into details). I'm going to start therapy but I'm not sure if I'm mentally fine or not and i feel like I'm faking not being okay. I feel that I'm just ungrateful etc. After having an outburst on my parents i would feel so guilty. That guilt feeling is the worst and i hate it sm. I always regret everything i do after having an outburst. If I'm in a bad mood and i don't get in a big fight with someone it will make me more angry. I sometimes question my existence and wonder if I'm real and if everything around me is real. I sometimes see shadows of ppl too I think i have a personality disorder but at the same time not but I'm not sure and just confused.