the other night during a fight with my boyfriend, i got insanely triggered by him mentioning past sexual experiences. (super abusive and insecure of me) i was irate and basically lost my shit. i left the house and was going to go spend the night at my dads house but i kept also escalating our fight. 

4 am and i’m sitting in my car in the driveway, honking my horn like a lunatic to get a rise from him and texting him some condemning stuff like he was a liar (no validity in that statement) and how basically he’s a piece of shit.

he waited it out and told me to calm down and come back inside. eventually i did go back inside the house shaking and crying and we went to bed. he always cuddles me and makes sure that i know he wants me around. i know he loves me and tolerates this behavior from me to an extent but i feel like a fucking monster.

so unhappy with myself right now. why am i such a bad partner and why do i hurt my FP so much? these outbursts are so toxic for everyone around me. i’ve been this way with friends for years...it sucks. i can’t believe anyone even puts up with me even a little. 