I am not good in crowds. I get incredibly anxious every time I leave my house, let alone go to a big event. But there’s a festival right outside my apartment so I said fuck it, let’s go. I took my equally anxious dog with me for support and the moment we stepped outside I saw my coworkers.

I fought every fiber of my being not to be freaked out. I have imposter syndrome with my coworkers so I felt so awkward but I tried my best. They kind of closed me out of the conversation a bit, so I decided to take a deep breath and let them know I’m going to get some food. I didn’t want to impose and I didn’t know if I was gonna be that weird quiet kid who just followed them around.

I don’t know if that was the right move. I don’t think it is. But I’m not going to beat myself up over it. Instead, my dog and I walked around and even though she was shaking and was attached to my leg, she also did well! She didn’t bark at anyone, sniffed a few dogs, and even let a kid pet her (which is big, she usually barks at people). I did text my coworkers in case they thought I ditched them, so I think that was better than nothing.

I was only out for 45 minutes before we went home, but wow I was so close to full panic mode. My heart is beating so fast and my legs feel like jelly, but this was still a win for me! Last year I basically stayed in my apartment for weeks before even stepping a  foot outside, so this is big for me lol!