things are getting kinda bad. i feel so unloveable, ugly, and utterly worthless. i know it’s not entirely true, it’s irrational; there’s people that tell me they love me everyday. but my brain tells me that it’s somehow all a sick joke and lie and that it won’t last and isn’t real. my brain tells me i’m a failure who will never amount to anything and that i don’t even deserve to. i kinda want to push everyone away. i wish it didn’t have to be this way — my own head is out to get me so often now