i functioned for a long ass time. i got good grades in school, maintained a social life, kept up with my hobbies, i was even active for a while. but now i’m a dropout. but even after dropping out, i still managed to make myself useful around the house and make the most of my days usually. i got a part time job. i thought maybe i was finally getting better. but i quit my job. and now i really just can’t get myself to do anything. i keep trying to come up with solutions but the truth is i want nothing more than to rot in my bed for eternity. actually, i don’t even want that. i don’t want to have to feel myself existing. it’s painful. i just want to disappear. and every day i think, tomorrow i’ll get my shit together. tomorrow i’ll clean, i’ll go on a walk, i’ll work on that painting that’s been sitting on my desk for ages. tomorrow i won’t waste the day on my phone or watching shows. but every day i let myself down. i literally don’t want to do anything. i don’t really enjoy any of it anymore.