Due to black and white thinking I was straight edge until January 2017, when i decided to give medication a try. In chronological order.

&gt;Lexapro. world's most okay drug. No bad side effects but nothing to write home about. Stopped taking after 3 months due to ineffectiveness.

&gt;Ativan. The first time i tried it was actually really nice, but it was certainly a case of diminishing returns. My last dose was at a party where i wanted to be more social, but i still got depressed and hid. Ended up giving the rest of my script to a friend.

&gt;Zoloft. Only on it 1 week and it sent me into a depressed psychosis the cost me 2(!) jobs.

&gt;Buspar. Made me really dumb and incoherent. And depressed. Almost to the point of psychosis. I remember dark hallucinations.

&gt;Remeron. Give me cool dreams, and a modest mood lift at the cost of making everything delicious, haha. Went off then on it again now and it's working great. Its antihistamine action helps my indoor allergies too.

&gt;Ambien. This is my god drug. Nothing, and i mean nothing has made me feel as good as this little sleeping pill does. I'm apparently in the minority that experience euphoria and hallucinations at low doses while being mostly free of sedation, impairment, and amnesia. I haven't had any in a month and a half. Haven't had a legitimate script since July, and it's all i can think about sometimes. I get mad when Drs won't give me any, because it's exactly what i need. It feels like being kissed by an angel. I've never had insomnia.

Klonopin: makes me more depressed and angry, but is an excellent muscle relaxant.

&gt;Effexor. My coworker thought i was on MDMA. the first day i took it, and the 1st 2 weeks were magical, but then i sunk into severe depression, but now I'm back to normal it seems. Always a winner in my book.

&gt;THC. Crazy visual hallucinations and distortions but zero effect on my mood except making me feel shitty and putting my body on high alert mode. I have no idea why so many people risk their future for this stuff.

&gt;Alcohol. Okay i only tried this recently out of desperation and let's just say i can understand why it's legal. I have to choke down this nasty shit only to get impared and shitty feeling with zero euphoria and a hangovers? Yeah count me out.

I tell doctors about this and they're just confused, lol. Anyone else have similar experiences?

Edit: forgot to add opiates which also don't do shit for depression and honestly didn't for pain either. I just looked inebriated :/