Before dating my girlfriend, I told her that I’d need to be a 100% over the person before her so I could be a 100% with her. I slowly started realising that the girl I liked before her was actually my FP, not that I wasn’t romantically interested in her but it was an unhealthy obsession that would’ve never worked out. It was an exhausting relationship for me (and for her, mostly) but eventually we’ve worked it out and are better as friends, though she’ll always have a special place in my heart. I don’t have an FP and don’t want that door to open again.

My current girlfriend has brought up multiple times that she wants someone to be obsessed with her. When I say I am, she says “You’re not though, I want you to be obsessed with me just as much as you were obsessed with the girl before me”. I don’t think she realises that it wasn’t healthy. I try to explain having an FP isn’t like having just one person you talk to daily, it’s more than that.

I explained that I had no sense of identity with her, I wasn’t myself, my moods were dependent on the tone of her texts, my mornings and nights depended on how well hers were. I was her literal doormat. Although the feelings were much more intense (as with an any FP relationship) even the good feelings felt suffocating and in turn suffocated her.

I’m so much happier having a partner who isn’t my FP. I feel like I can be myself but also be in love with someone without being entirely dependent on them. I can breathe.

But it’s so upsetting that my girlfriend WANTS to be my FP, not realising how horrible it would be for the both of us. I don’t think she truly understands what it means because favourite person sounds like some cute little obsession thing. I don’t know how to show her that it’s not a good thing, and that she makes me feel guilty for not being obsessive about her in the way that I was.