If you have ever wondered what it feels like to leave all your social contacts behind, think of your birthday. 

I knew last week how this day would end and now that I'm living it - I usually love birthdays - it's hell. 

Well, I can't disappoint anyone anymore, but nobody congratulates me, I don't get any presents and I feel so useless, because absolutely nobody knows that today is 'my special day'.

I am a child in the body of an adult and it is so harmful that only 3 people congratulated me (none of it family or close friends). I usually love this day. I could barely stop myself from drinking alcohol. Not having social responsibility mostly feels so nice. But on days like this, I just want to disappear from the world. Nobody gives a shit. I seem to want to give in to these thoughts and fricking kill myself. 

What is my purpose? 

I keep listening to music because this isn't the day I give in to all those thoughts.