First post. Ive never been diagnosed with BPD but I identify deeply with everything Ive read about it and I just feel so lost and numb and confused and exhusted. I just freaked out on my Mom and screamed/cried infront of my family because I felt betrayed and that everyone was against me. Always after I freak out I feel so low and honestly dead. Ive pushed away all my friends and a few weeks ago I quit my job and Ive been too "lazy"/disassociated/terrified to go back out there and look for another just yet. Im aware of how I always self destruct and self sabotage. I feel so, so alone. I have a girlfriend who lives with me at my dads house and Im such a failure. I cant believe this is my life and I feel like I made it all this way. I have such strong urges to hurt myself but I wont. I just want to sleep and dream my life away. Or crawl and a hole and have everyone forget me. I feel like nothing is real and everything is real.  Nothing makes sense. Im sorry whoever reads this, Im just.. really low and reaching out for anything I guess. Please tell me Im not crazy. Theres so much I didnt add but Im not sure I want to