Apologies for the long post. Feel free to skip down a few paragraphs for some tips that have helped me. Also, this is my first post on the subreddit so sorry if the flair is wrong (this post is a mix of progress and tips).

Now, I'm still nowhere near fully managing my anxiety, and I still have days when I beat myself up relentlessly for the smallest of mistakes and days when I'm completely overwhelmed and tired of dealing with my thoughts, but recently I've started to realize that I can actually do things despite what my anxiety tells me. 

I'm gonna explain things from the standpoint of a person with predominantly social anxiety, since that's what I've dealt with the most. There are some specific experiences I've had that led me to understand what I'm about to talk about, which I could dive into more detail about if anyone wants to hear, but that would get really long to read so I'm gonna jump to the point.

**Somedays my brain tells me that because of my anxiety, I'm not capable of stepping out and even trying anything.** For example, if I'm at work, my brain will tell me I'm not capable of talking to a coworker who's sitting right next to me (especially if it's a girl. If it's a girl, don't even THINK about saying anything; just sit there in awkwardness the entire 4-5 hours :/ ). If I'm sitting at home and get a text from some people inviting me to hang out, it'll say "you literally can't do that. You're not the type of person to be able to handle human interaction. You're more fit to just stay in your room in solitude". But with some of the experiences I've had, I've started to realize the difference between something being difficult/uncomfortable to do, and it being impossible to do. When something is impossible, there's no prospect of progress. Yes, it can feel like I literally can't raise my hand in class to ask a question because I'm so anxious even thinking about it, but I'm not incapable of doing it. Yes, it can sometimes feel impossible to take a walk outside when there are other people around that might be judging, but it's not impossible. Although it's scary, you CAN take the first step. And it feels so good when you realize, "wait, maybe I can", however small the step is. **Don't let your anxiety define you. You are NOT your anxiety.** Anxiety is just a lil buddy that follows you around to try to protect you; it just works a little too hard sometimes. Hope that makes at least a little sense.

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Now for the tips. Here are some things I've learned on my journey (in progress) with anxiety:

# REWARD YOURSELF

* This is the most important point IMO. Our desire to do things is based on what kind of feeling we got from doing it in the past. Here's the basic idea: **When you're rewarded for doing something, your brain wants to do it more; if you're punished, you don't want to do it as much.** 
* This reward can be anything. For me what works is literally telling myself "GOOD JOB" after anything anxiety-provoking that I decided to do. It sounds weird but it really really works. More on what exactly to do below, but right after whatever exposure you do, **tell yourself "GOOD JOB", and REALLY believe it**. And REALLY feel it— give yourself at least **6 seconds** for it to really seep in. And remember that feeling. You can do it in front of the mirror if that works better. For a lot of us with anxiety, I think we get in the habit of thinking we don't deserve praise, just because we seem to be struggling with things that are "supposed to be easy". Please remember that you deserve every ounce of love toward yourself for having to deal with anxiety, and continuing to push. Good job. You might've sidestepped that compliment so here it is again. Good job. Like, it's f\*\*\*ing amazing what you're doing right now.
* Even when you feel like what you did is too insignificant to deserve praise, still tell yourself this. Just because it would've been easy for someone else doesn't mean you did nothing. If it's any kind of step forward for YOU, that's all that really matters. This leads me to the next point.

# Baby steps 

* **There's no need to set yourself up against other people's standards and expectations**. Your steps can be however small as you need them to be. Start with literally, like, anything. For example, if you're afraid of talking to strangers, you can start with taking a walk in the park with lots of strangers around. If that feels like too much (and it can, I know from personal experience), then take a walk around a block that isn't too crowded. You can even start with just sitting out on the porch or looking out the window. Whatever it is. As long as you can keep doing it consistently, and learn to step forward from it. Use rewards to help you do this.
* One thing I've learned is that it's a LOT easier to stay consistent when the obstacle isn't freaky huge. Ya'll probably already know this, but start work small, and progress will come.
* Sometimes I feel like I haven't made any progress in managing my anxiety for the past few years. I might look back and think, "well my anxiety hasn't gotten much better, so all this effort I put in must have been for nothing". But I'm realizing now, that every time I do any type of exposure (however small), it's worth it because I learn that I CAN do it. Whether it went well or not. For example, if I try to have some small talk with a coworker I don't know very well and it ended up being pretty awkward, I'll still be able to realize that it's POSSIBLE for me to take a step forward and even say something to a stranger. And this goes against the brain's idea that it's impossible. And this can eventually build up (with practice) to being able to have chill, casual conversations, but **realizing that it's possible to peak your head out of the box** is the first step.

# Setting boundaries

* From my personal experience, I have a bad fear of offending people, as well as a looming fear that everyone actually hates me– even my friends. This has led me to really hold back, and rarely show any kind of anger or retaliation towards anyone. This meant I let people walk all over me without any consequence. Setting boundaries by doing things like hinting that the joke they made about me was kinda insulting, rather than just laughing it off like I usually do; or telling a friend I didn't really like what they said to me (with an explanation), has really helped me be happier around people. I know it can be hard to tell people these things, but it's so so worth it. 
* Oh also it might be good to not apologize for things that weren't your fault, or weren't in your control. You can tell this is something I'm still working on by the first word of the post lol
* **Assertiveness** is another word for all of this. It's a strong quality to have.

&amp;#x200B;

Lmao I didn't intend for this to be nearly as long as it is. If you made it this far, thanks so much for taking the time to read. Hopefully there was some insight in there that you didn't already know, or at least a different perspective. Lmk if y'all want me to elaborate on anything, or if you have additional tips to add on. Y'all are gonna get through this. WE are gonna get through this. Because we can.