I understand BPD very well. Sometimes in the heat of emotions, I flair up with BPD tendencies. But, Im trying my best. But, sometimes I just want to stop. I want to stop trying to control my personality that is deemed a mental illness. I want to feel what I want when I want because Im mentally fucking exhausted. I know Im not a good person but I am also not a bad one. I am so fucking tired of being judged and judging myself. Im so tired of the shame and guilt and anxiety and self evaluation that come with this fucking disorder. I am tired of apologizing. I am tierd of people telling me about normal behavior. 