I haven't been officially diagnosed with BPD but I'm 100% sure I have one, and I'm planning to see a therapist just to confirm it but I can't afford one since I'm still a college student...

I don't know how to tell my family, I don't want to tell them about it and I don't think they would believe me or let me see one...

The only person I told this about is my boyfriend, but my boyfriend kinda doesn't understand or it's hard for him to believe...

I've been researching about BPD and I really want to see a therapist and get it treat, I feel so worried that my future will ruin because of this. I'm even struggling with trust issues that is affecting my life.

I'm so worried that my BPD will ruin my relationships to people and especially my boyfriend, I love him so much and I wish to be with him in the future but I'm scared that I might hurt him, I'm scared that he might think I manipulate him... Sometimes I think he doesn't deserve me because I hate myself so much but at the same time I love him and I don't want him to leave me, it's so hard... He's the only person I trust...

Sometimes I think what if I don't have BPD, what if this all in my head, what if I am okay... But I'm scared because I know there's something wrong with me, like there is something that needs to be corrected. What will happen if I ignore this? Will I turn out to be my uncle who have BPD... Will I be stuck in loneliness and hopeless in everything... Ugh I hate this...
