I’ve been suffering with panic attacks for the last 2 months. I may have PMDD or it may just be something that just hit me.

I’m talking multiple attacks a day and some that sent me to the ER thinking I was dying. I then had constant anxiety and DPDR for days after the big attacks. Last week was HARD. Every day, I felt like I was stuck in a dream and couldn’t find my way out. I couldn’t feel anything but fear and didn’t even recognize myself in the mirror. I spent all day uncomfortable in my own skin and just wanted out. Even had intrusive thoughts about not wanting to live because I thought I could never feel okay again. I started my anti-depressants up again (I took them for over a week last month and then quit out of fear) and only a few days in on the second go around, I’m showing massive improvement. None of the bad side effects, except a little dizziness in the morning when I wake up, but I ignore it and it fades pretty quickly.

I woke up today and my heart wasn’t beating out of my chest, everything felt more clear. I even left my house!! (Which is something I haven’t really done in a few weeks...) I got in the car with my husband and son and we drove around a bit. And I felt GOOD about it. I felt a little anxious as we drove over a bridge and could feel myself wanting to panic...but I didn’t. I swallowed that feeling and told myself I was safe. I even have a little bit of energy and haven’t had to take any of my klonopin. 

Is this progress? Maybe! I know I’m not cured, it’s going to take more work, I’m just thankful for the break in the constant terror and sadness. There is a way out. Whether by therapy, self healing, or help from medication...but you CAN find your “normal” again with the right tools and losing some of the fear. I think I’m getting there.