I’m so tired. My younger brother is going through suicidal ideation, was in the hospital this weekend. Parents are freaking out, understandably. They aren’t the best at handling mental health, in the past both have said some triggering and frankly irresponsible stuff in response to both my and my brother’s mental health issues. It’s impossible to really talk to them about it, because explaining that half of my problems stem from not having a good model for a healthy relationship growing up results in a fight about how “they are just the worst parents ever!!” “Sorry I’m not perfect!” I suspect it’s similar for my brother, he hasn’t gone to therapy very consistently though, he plans on starting it this week. I’m honestly eager to compare notes with him. Anyways. They were at his college over the weekend to help him through his episode, by the end he just desperately wanted space. I have been playing mediator between my parents and my brother the whole weekend, almost acting like a translator. I’ve been trying to explain to them the nuances of suicidal ideation, how to handle it (I got trained as a college dorm RA a while ago, RAs get mental health training), trying to convince them not to say triggering or insensitive things. By the end of the weekend, the judgement call of “should my parents leave my brother and go back home” fell to me. I ended up determining that they probably should. My brother has his friends there. He sounded lucid, explained to me having them there was triggering and stressful, that he needed space and his routine. He is contact with a therapist. So they left yesterday. This morning, neither of my parents can get in contact with him. I called and he didn’t pick up. He’s probably asleep, or at work, or in class… I’m worried I made a bad call. I’m tired of having to make the calls. I’m tired of not being able to tell my parents the truth of my mental health situation. Of having to lie to them, because I can’t stand their judgement. I told my brother how to get them off his back. I hope the advice didn’t enable him to kill himself. I’m so worried and if I made the wrong call, the guilt will kill me. I can feel my own mental health episode coming from all this, which I feel guilty for, taking attention from my brother and further stressing out my parents. Fuck this disease. Thanks for reading my rant. I just want to be heard.