I'm nearing 3 years of consistent dbt + therapy since I was hospitalized. (This is when I got diagnosed, though I've been struggling with all this my whole life, I'm 36.) I am functional 'enough'. I'm self sufficient and the mother of a young child. Sometimes I feel pretty energized and satisfied with my life. Other times I feel the way Ive always felt - that suicide is inevitable. I'm doing good with my coping skills for when I get triggered, I am able to control myself much better. In the last few months I've integrated daily meditation into my schedule and I see enormous help from that. Still -- when I get overwhelmed my emotions feel so intense that I still feel strong suicidal impulses. I'm wondering if as emotional distress tolerance is built these emotions dont appear quite as intense and so the 'lever' that is pulled that leads to suicidal impulses doesn't get pulled ? I can't imagine living and not feeling sometimes a deep desire to get out of here. I realize a part of me doesn't want to let it go, I guess becuasd it really wants to leave. Ive heard it is possible to heal to the point that one no longer meets diagnostic qualifications. I wonder if anyone in that place of growth would even be on these boards reading messages ?