Since I've started therapy again, and since my official diagnosis, I have become rebellious. And I am off my meds now, and I am moody and my feelings are like exposed..wanna cry way too often. 
Okay, I realised that my parents are not great at expressing feelings, there is no hugging,  and when you are sad everyone is unable to cobe with it. Yes, me too.. also do my parents show no interest in my friends, my work, my real ME in particural.

Lately I told them about bpd and gave them a book to read. After that I thought they would wake up already.. yes my mother was shocked etc. And we talked about my uncle, who she now realizes he could have had something similar, probably bpd or schizophrenia. But he is dead now. He had hardly contact to his sisters. He had also a guardian. 
You know, when I was little, and when I was lazy and my room was untidy, my mother always said to me "you are like Roman!"  The irony... 
Okay, my mother was shocked, and sad, she hardly could sleep she said. 2 weeks it seems she tries to change, talking feelings, going to the cinema with me instead shopping. 
And then, back to the old habbits. What was she expecting? Me accepting that? No, I can't take it anymore. 
All the empty talk and talking bad about others.. I wanted to scream.. but I didn't. I just said, mom, when aunt xy wants to spend her vacation on the beach the 2nd time this year, LET THEM! It is not your business. You spend all your money on clothes, do they care?
And then she was furious, how I dare talking like that in that tone and she is not willing listening to that at her age.. my answer: okay, bye mom... *click*

Yep, last time I heard from her. I know she thinks I should apologise. I did it the last time...but not this time. She hurt me..
I envy people with parents living 1000 km away...not 5 km like me. 

Ah my father? He stays out of it..he is the worst when it comes to feelings: Stop crying already, smile now. 
He told me that on mothersday when I cried in the restaurant.