This morning I was fuming with anticipation, anger, and pure euphoria. I texted the nurse assigned to me at my outpatient clinic regarding an upcoming meeting with a DBT-team...It felt certain they'd reschedule me further into the year, so I had written a very angry text, telling them I'd rather jump off a bridge than set foot in that clinic ever again. Not as a threat. Not as blackmail. Just a statement.


The nurse eventually responded, saying they had no intentions of changing the meeting. This in turn made me spiral a little bit and I ended up drinking and SH. I'm at work now (graveyard shift) and I just feel depressed and anxious as fuck for whatever reason. Almost like a whole letdown that I couldn't justify cutting them out. 


Its 4 hours till they open the outpatient and I just feel like I want to text them that I'm done. I cant pinpoint why I feel this urge to do it, but it would make me feel better.