i hate this and the world and myself so much. i don't understand why i can't just be normal. why i can't just accept love normally like other people, or why i can't open myself up to someone because i'm so convinced i'll just fuck them and me up in the long run. can someone PLZ just tell me how to stop self sabotaging? i wanna be better. the worst thing is, i'm completely aware i'm self sabotaging while i'm doing so but, it's like, i'm so far gone from reality in that moment i can't do anything about it.