I had a meeting at work today... luckily it was small. We have this large conference (I work at a nonprofit) and interned on this conference last year and work there now The two others in the meeting are new and have not done this event before. 

Anyway, they’re trying to figure it out and asking me lots of questions which got to be a little rapid fire and seemed frustrated when I couldn’t remember exact times of something I did a year ago. I started feeling like I wasn’t good enough with my answers and felt somewhat cornered. My computer died during the meeting and I shut down along with it. At one point they made it seem like every answer I gave was wrong and I’d been going about things the wrong way this whole time. I said something and the response was “this is what I meant earlier!” Which felt like I can’t understand or comprehend well. Anyway, my mind spiraled. 

I feel like an embarrassment and not good enough for my job. I know they’re trying to learn from me but I’m afraid they’re going to rework all my organization on my spreadsheets (this aspect is my project, I’m heading it up). 

Idk. I wanted to cry when I felt work. I felt like an idiot. I messaged my boss about what happened (we were friends before I started officially working there and knows my mental health stuff). He was supportive and calmed me down a bit. Idk. I want to apologize but he said he didn’t think I needed to. Still slightly spiraling mentally. I don’t feel good. I’d been doing so well about not having episodes at work recently and I feel like a failure. I feel so small. 