although it’s a fear that has me by the throat, i self sabotage so heavily that i numb myself by how fast i’m going and completely obliterate  my paths. it kills the people who love me, and i can’t think of any better reason to just take myself out, or to run away and hide to continue carrying out what feels like an addiction of sorts; of ruining myself, pushing people away, then filling the emptiness. 

sometimes, i wish people would just leave me alone for good, so i could never hurt them again, so they can feel like they’re free from my oppressive presence that spreads and degrades like a mould.