My therapy session today was about self-esteem and why I don't really have any. I'm trans and I hate it and want to detransition, but before getting to anything gender-related my therapist is trying to get me to have an actual self-image that isn't dependent upon the opinions of others.  

I was bullied mercilessly in middle school and high school for not being masculine enough, and that's what made me question my gender. Then after college I was an adult and I thought things would get better and I wouldn't have to deal with that anymore, but then my first girlfriend also bullied me for not being masculine enough. I thought I had to become a woman then since I clearly wasn't meant to be a man, otherwise why would so many people be so insistent that I wasn't one. That's also basically why I don't trust myself about myself anymore. Other people are more objective because they're outsiders, so I see their opinions of me as more correct than my own.