My mother watches my 3 1/2 year old for 2 hours between when I leave for work and when my wife picks her up. Today, while cleaning my daughter's bedroom, my wife discovered that our daughter stole my mother's ipod.

We both handled it calmly. My daughter just knowing that what she did was wrong was punishment enough. I put her in the truck and drove her over there do that she could return it and apologize. Now, I know how my parents are, and warned them when I got in the house that they were to not say it was OK, or that it was alright, and to treat it seriously. This is a valuable life lesson for my daughter. Instead of respecting my wishes to parent my child the way I see fit, they immediately started dismissing the crime, and told her it was alright while calling her "sweetie". So, instead of apologizing, she just stood there in front of my mother.

Seeing that they were not going to do as I asked, I grabbed my daughter, stormed out of the house, and directed my rage at her while walking to the truck. I spanked her at least six times. I screamed at her the entire ride home. At one point, I looked back at her and could see her dissociating.

My parents are so blatantly the root of my BPD and childhood trauma. I feel as though I cannot heal and move on without cutting them out of our lives. I love them to death, but I cannot continue this broken relationship with them. I want my daughter to have a deep relationship with them, one that they didn't give me. I want her to know her grandparents, and love them and want to spend time with them. But I'm an adult, and a parent, and I need to raise my children the way I see fit, I don't want to raise them the way I was raised.

I'm in a holding pattern now, but I'm going to have to talk to them eventually. I already know the outcome, and I am not, *cannot*, capitulate. They will not change either. I'm trying really fucking hard to rationalize this, but it just seems like a no win situation.