I'm currently dating someone with BPD, I think our relationship is going well so far. We like each other a lot and talk about our future together a lot. 

We have been dating for 2 months, and known each other for 8. 

But recently I haven't been feeling very well. So my insecurities have been showing more. The first argument we had was 2 weeks ago, were she told me she was gonna meet a person she was dating last winter this summer out of nowhere whilst I were drinking with my friend. I told her that it makes me a little uncomfortable but It's okey since I trust her. She focused in on the part where I said that it makes me uncomfortable. Even though I said it was okey. It escalated and we both got hurt. She felt like I didn't trust her and that I should expose myself to things that makes me uncomfortable. I still can't talk about it because she gets mad at just the thought of that altercation. I can understand that I could have handled that better but I was not prepared for it. 

She has told me that she wants to take it slow, and I respect that. But I've become confused for the reasoning for not wanting to be official. We act like we are a couple. There is barely any difference between what we have now and my past relationships. She has told me that she has had abusive relationships before and I understand her fears. But since it feels like we already are a couple I became unsure for what we were taking it slow for. What was missing. I'm in no rush but I'm scared of being used. So I asked her 2 days ago why, and in my mind this wasn't anything bad. I wanted to understand her better so I could support her better. She said that she didn't know and that doesn't feel ready. I asked her what the difference would be if we were in a relationship with what we had now. This is the point where she started getting upset. She asked me why I'm in such a rush. I told her that I'm sorry she got that impression and told her that I was confused to just why we were taking it slow. She then told me that she for once wanted to take it slow with someone, that all her previous relationships were rushed, and that she wanted to feel like she could be independent. Which is fine, that was all I needed to know. But this upset her a lot. To the point where she became very cold towards me. And became irritated that I asked because she earlier had told me that she saw me as a partner. Which is true. I later asked why she gets so upset when I'm insecure and she became even more upset. She said that I've been very insecure lately and that she gets mad that I put it on her. And she gets sad that even though she said things that should validate and reassure me that I still get insecure. We had talked earlier before all this that I should talk about my insecurities. So it made me even more confused. I feel like if something is obvious for her it should be for me as well. It wasn't this time. I feel like I understand her reasoning better now. 

She later told me that she cannot support me emotionally because she needs to think about her own mental health. She does not want me to talk about my insecurities or my own mental health anymore. That I should be quiet about it. I think this is fair. She is frustrated that she can't help me, she wants to help me but says she can't. I said that I'm going to vent to my friend more instead when I need to. 

But now she has been really cold towards me. It feels like she hates me. There are glimpses of her usual self but it's all overshadowed by her coldness. I feel like she hasn't understood why I felt uncomfortable and why I felt insecure and needed clarification, which feels really scary since I can't talk to her about it. I feel terrible for making her upset. I know to not take it personally. But I guess I just need to know if this is something I should be wary of? Is this something I just wait out or what should I do? I want to make her happy. I will not talk about my own struggles anymore. Not until she says that she is ready for stuff like that. I just can't help but to feel so sad. I feel like I've made a lot of mistakes, I understand that I should be secure and stable for her. I shouldn't have shown any off this. I just got the impression that it was what she wanted. I want to be the best partner I can be for her. I'm currently waiting to get into therapy, so I can resolve my own issues.

Maybe good to also note that she is currently in DBT and has been for a while, so she is actively working on herself. I just like her so much, I don't want it to end because of something like this.

Sorry for such a long post. I just wanted to paint a clear picture of what I did wrong. So someone might be able to give me advice what to do.

Ty &lt;3