Hi, how is it going you all? I hope you are all doing fine.
I’m 19 years old and I’ve been on antidepressants since I was almost 12-13 years old.. I went through a lot and it wasn’t such a pleasant journey to me. 
I’ve experienced almost every kind of mental issues. Depression, panic attacks, anxiety, seizures ( lasted for a while only ), mood swings.
I hurt myself about 3 times back in high school, but not anymore, even though I still think about it &amp; suiciding and just escaping everything. 
I believe that my psychiatric told me the diagnose by mistake, cause what happened is that she prescribed me Lamotrigine, then while she was finishing the paperwork I googled ‘Lamotrigine’ and searched about the purposes of describing it. I read that it’s mainly for seizures &amp; bipolar disorder. Then I told her; “ but I don’t have the bipolar thing and definitely not the seizures” then she said that Lamotrigine can help with BPD too then she got kinda nervous and tried to change the topic.
I felt happy that day after I left the clinic cause now finally I know that’s going on but the day after? I started to kinda panic.
Now I feel kind of lost, full of regret, who am I? If BPD was controlling my behavior and attitude, then who am I? Every time I got angry, pushed a friend away, ruined a beautiful relationship, made my family scared of who I am, got In a fight, or did anything stupid, was not the real me..
And I’m also worried about that Lamotrigine is not effective for PBD, I’ve read some articles about that..
I don’t know why I’m writing here right now.. I just feel lost.. anything can you say that would help? 
And sorry for the long paragraphs, I’m writing on an iPad so the letters seem very small to me lol.