hello everyone, its my first post on this sub.
my thoughts are currently all over the place so i apologise in advance if this post comes out jumbled or incoherent.

so what made me come here? well id have to emntion that i have a lot of psychiatric problems and to quote my doctor i have "many different not directly related symptoms".
some things are diagnosed but im not sure if its important to list them right now. now ive been told that borderline may be one of my most central problems.
officially its borderline tendencies on paper since they didnt want me to fully diagnose me too fast.
im kinda ok with the diagnosis since i feel like i relate to a lot of the content here and find myself in the diagnostic criteria.
but the problem i have, is that i dont relate to everything and some bahaviours are missing.
so i dont know what to make out of all this.

i often tend to overfocus on diagnosises(?) and my selfimage heavily depends on them since i dont feel like theres anything special that makes me me.
i basically dont feel like i have much of a personality.
 and theres also the thing that i always have the fear that i overfocus on issues that i only imagine. it also doesnt help that i spend way too much time researching mental illnesses and know too much about them. so for example i read how bps includes emotional instability, and then i think yea i relate to that. and then i worry that i only convince myself that i relate and start adapting specific behaviour. 
and i indeed have a strong longing to find myself in anything. to finally understand what i am.

so basically i fear that i only "fake" bpd symptoms without actually having it, only because my doctor threw around some words.

all in all what im asking is:
1. is it ok for me to feel at home here even without having a real/full diagnosis?
and 2. how the hell do i deal with having tendencies written on the paper? i wont be able to just forget it, but i also will feel guilty for focussing on a (maybe) wrong diagnosis


and in case anyone seriously made it through this mess of a text: you have my respect. and a big heartly thank you from me :)