I came out to another country to see you. Everything was great and you couldn't stop telling me how much you liked me. 

Then you turned and said you'd always just wanted something casual and we could never be together. How you had plans to marry but the person you married could never be me. 

It hurt so much that you could know that so early on but by then I was already too caught up in you so I accepted it, figuring that I couldn't know how I'd feel in the future but knowing that I wanted what we had in the now. 

There were some other bumps. We'd agree to do things and you'd cancel last minute. I got upset and you felt guilty. You told me I had to deal with my sadness internally, so I did. 

I got upset about never being able to be with you the way I want a few times, I confessed I was falling in love, you told me that you felt what you needed from me was unfair. We carried on regardless. 

This happened a few times, you told me straight up you could never love me, your friends told you to end it but we never could. 

Things were mostly good, we talked every day on the phone, usually several times, and we texted most of the time we were both awake. We did activities together, it was nice and I liked it. 

You decided that you were calling me too much more often than I called you. It was basically made up but I said I'd try. Calling people makes me nervous, I usually won't think to do it, but I made sure I was initiating more calls than I had been. 

I've been struggling a lot trying to get help with my MH, always being refused and always being left on my own. I needed you and you were there. You said you wanted to be a part of my journey and you wanted to see me get better. 

We were having a good day, we talked on the phone and it was nice. Then from nowhere you kicked up the argument about how I don't call you enough. I explained again why that is and told you that the solution was the same as when I was upset with you - that it was something you had to deal with internally. You know how much I like you, you know that things aren't biased with you liking me more (quite the opposite).

You didn't listen, you didn't agree. The only logical way to connect how you act is that you okay care about how you feel, never about how I do. And I got mad, I was harsh with you and I shouldn't have lost my temper and said everything I said. I shouldn't have told you to fuck off.

I was frustrated, you don't seem to care about me. Now you're blocked, I wonder if you'll even care about that. I don't know, all I know is that I'm fed up with how you treat me, I'm fed up of always having to accept everything the way you want it. I'm fed up of my feelings never being important and always having to try and repress them in favour of you. 

This is going to be hard to get through and I'll be thinking about you for a long time. But I'm better off without you. I deserve better than you were offering. I'm too good to feel this bad. 

So goodbye