I feel so barred. So empty. I have a hole nothing can fill. I try to fill it but everytime I feel so miserable. I feel so alone, but even if I try to talk to someone, they feel so strange, so alien. I have been feeling like this all my life - like something always has been missing.
I just want to feel complete and feel like I'm floating but instead I am trapped in a cycle of explosing and void. 
I wasn't made to have a friend or a lover or even family. What is this loneliness I feel that no creature on this earth can make go away? I can't cry anymore. Maybe I am in love with death and that's why I want it so much.
I just want to feel something real. I want to be filled with love. I am the glass with the shattered end; the dead flower still in the pot expecting to bloom one day. 
Nothing is better than being whatever broken mess I am. Sooner or later everyone will leave and I will be left alone to let my soul rot away. Nothing will ever quench me, because I am broken from the start.

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Je suis très désolée. Je ne sais pas ce que je recherche chaque jour, chaque heure, toute ma vie. Je crois que la mort est la seule solution à tous mes problèmes car il n'y a rien pour moi sauver. Je ne sais pas comment je peux continuer si je chercher la mort. je crois je suis amoureuse de la mort. Pourquoi Dieu ma fait comme ça? 


Je suis curieux de savoir à quelle hauteur je peux atteindre le ciel si je saute.