My \[23f\] BFF \[25f\] is flying up to visit me for a week next week, and I’ve been so excited to see her! We were roommates in college and haven’t seen each other face-to-face in over a year since covid hit and she had to move back to her home state. We’ve video chatted daily since then and continue to share everything with each other.

The reason I’m anxious is because, ever since covid hit, my anxiety and depression has been getting worse and worse. I haven’t been out of the house in over a year except for once, and now even doing the dishes tires me out. The one time I DID go out was with my brother and his girlfriend to visit a museum, and while we had a fantastic time I still felt awful for bogging the two of them down when I was overwhelmed with crowds and also for having my brother pay for the tickets. And after the trip I had to rest for a few days to get back to “normal”.

Ever since that outing to the museum, I’ve been sort of dreading my friend coming to visit. I mean, everyone is trying so hard to make this happen (friend is flying up, parents are letting her stay and offering to drive us places) and I’m just... so pathetic and scared that when she gets here I won’t be able to get out of bed like I normally can’t these days. My friend’s gonna fly up here and realize how gross and pathetic I am.

The worst part is that I’m aware of how silly this thought process is. My BFF is literally the nicest person on the planet, and we even roomed together so she’s seen me at my worst and still enjoys being around me. My parents OFFERED to take us places since neither of us can drive so it’s not like I’m wasting their time and generosity. But nobody, not my friend, my family, my therapist, seems to “get” why I’m so anxious. They all tell me “well you SHOULD feel excited”, which just makes me feel even worse! My best friend is coming to visit and I’m just so stupid and useless that I can’t even feel correctly either!

It’s silly but I feel so alone at this time, since it feels like I say words and nobody can understand them. I’m overwhelmed and I don’t want everyone wasting time/money/excitement on me since I’m not even worth being around. I’m safe and okay, but I just hope someone else here would understand how I feel. Thank you for reading &lt;3