i should probably go to a psych ward, but i don't have health insurance, plus the pandemic. i should probably reach out to people who I'm positive love and care about me, but they're all busy juggling an increasing number of balls, and there's only so many hours in a day. i need someone to walk me through getting a job, but i'm 24 and expected to know how to be a normal person, there's nowhere i can go where someone will give me that kind of attention. i only see a therapist once every two weeks on average, enough time for me to fit in two nervous breakdowns.

everyone's hands are tied, and i'm slipping through the cracks. how can i not feel like a lost cause? i know 24 is still young, but not that young. and i dont know if i've got a lot of future left either way. there's just nothing in my life i can rely on to be there to help, anything could be taken away due to covid or time constraints or unaffordability or just bad luck. i haven't wanted to hurt myself this badly in a while.