I have BPD. My wife almost left me during lockdowns but she was too afraid to fly back to her family (because of COVID) so she stayed with me. We're working on stuff. We love each other very much. Y'all know... it's not the lack of love that's a problem. 

She is my FP, and we've both had codependent tendencies in different ways. Part of "things getting better" is that I just took a job that includes a weekly business trip. I'm on my first one right now, it's two nights and three days. I thought the space would be good, and I'd be distracted from her and not concerned about what she's doing. 

But here I am, on day 3, about to head home today, and I have been offended and concerned with her texts and whereabouts all the while, and since I am about to go home, I have to genuinely get over it, otherwise she will know and I will tell her the inane things she said that hurt me, and it will cause resentment and fighting. Y'all know the drill. 

Therapy got cancelled this week so I turn to Reddit. I want to explain to you guys what she did that upset me, and I just need words of advice to chill me out. 

Day 1... I sent a cutesy pic of me at the job site. She texted back "lol!" with a heart within the hour. This made me happy. A few hours later, into evening, me now at the hotel, I asked her how her day was, using our pet name, and a heart. I was really excited to have a quick lil chat with my wonderful lady, as I'd embarked on this new professional endeavor. No response. Two hours later, I text a few sentences about what the hotel is like, etc. She responded "Wow that's cool! I'm hanging out with D." D is our friend. Her friend, really. I understood... that meant okay, shut up. 

I went to bed feeling a little dejected, a little "Okay, she wants space when I'm out of the house. That makes sense. She's been wanting time to herself." Fair enough. 

Day 2... I am surprised in the morning by a loving, interested few sentences from her, responding to what I'd said the previous night about the cool hotel. She asked a leading question, suggesting she wanted to chat! Said she loves me, which I was sad to miss the previous night. 

Not wanting to seem eager, I waited four hours to respond. Partially, I was still angry she didn't tell me she loved me last night, and I knew that was irrational and I didn't want her to sense it. But then I did respond, over my shit, and excited and ready to talk. I sent a similar-length response as hers, asking a leading question, etc. No response. An hour later, I asked if it was raining there too. She sent a short response to the rain question in 20 min and didn't acknowledge anything else. 

She'd said she might make dinner plans for us on the night of my return, so I asked if she had made those plans. I was feeling eager for a Take 2 of "I'm on a business trip and I'd adore a loving, 5-minute call from my lovely wife." The evening drew close. I sat myself in thee hotel's hot tub, snapped a sexy pic of myself, and asked her how she was doing. No response. I spent the hot tub time alone, and a few hours later, I was feeling a little vulnerable, sensitive to being rejected, but wanting to just make it clear that I missed her and wanted a loving moment. 

I typed out that I missed her, calling her by her pet name. I knew that if it didn't go that well, it would hurt me, but I wanted to be honest and really just tell my wife I missed her. And the moment I pressed send, a message came in from her saying "Hanging with D, text you later." With a heart. 

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. 

Fuck. So fine. I went to sleep. And woke up and she had texted me while I was sleeping. She addressed my questions. Said her weekend without me was nice (which I had asked), saying she had lots of time to think and process. 

But to me, it seems like she spent the entire thing with D! Which is fine, but she also kicked me out of our bedroom and had me make a bedroom for myself in the garage, which is bug infested, using an old childrens bed that hurts my back... while she sleeps in the nice master bedroom with comfy adult bed. So instead of taking her alone time while I was out of town for three days, even after lamenting that she doesn't have any time to process alone, she spent the entire time with her buddy and surely is going to boot me to the back-breaking kids bed when I get home. 

So from all of this, you all can see she hasn't REALLY done anything wrong, right? Yet I'm still so hurt and confused and upset and I miss my wife and feel like she doesn't give two fucks about me. And I can't get home upset and launch into another fight or it'll kill me. 

Please help me see this with a clear head, people of Reddit.