 I feel so empty inside. Like I feel absolutely nothing.
Just recently I asked myself "What am I doing?"



Like I go to work, come home, sleep, eat, and repeat. I barely have a social life. I have only one friend, but theyre so busy with their life. So it's very lonely. 

I don't really engage with anyone at work...not that I hate anyone or anything like that... it's just I have anxiety and I feel uncomfortable trying to talk to people even when they're so nice to me.

What really sucks is when I see people around me talking and im the only weirdo alone pretending to do something on their phone. 
It's pathetic..



I have childhood trauma...suffered from abuse.
And that triggered a bunch of mental issues for me. I have been diagnosed with major depression, psychosis, and anxiety disorder. 

Been on medication but I stopped taking it. Because of weird side effects.

I feel so emotionally detached from everything that even if I try to visualize my family crying if I was dead I wouldn't even feel a thing....and I know it's bad to say but  I don't care anymore. 

They say suicide is selfish and that you'll hurt the people that care about you. 
But I think they're the ones that are selfish for wanting me to stay.

Because all I want is peace for myself.

But you won't let me have that. Because It's your feelings over mine. And that's what hurts.


 I know I have family that love me but they can never understand. They'll never understand. I love them but I can't torture myself by staying alive. 

(I had made an appointment with a psychiatrist, but I won't be seeing them until the middle of August. And it's like I can't w8 that long to get treated. .-.  )