I apologized to a friend group I've recently joined, that I've only been active around for a couple months. I felt so bad...

See, the thing was, I know they were joking and having laughs and it's not serious...but my heart was racing and I was breathing shaky and I felt really guilty for telling them that I was upset by it. I have recieved support from a few of them and they don't want to upset me I'm sure...but I still feel like I ruined their fun by being triggered, because of my past truama involving those sorts of things and are translated from jokes to dread in my mind. 

I didn't think I was so sensitive and could even be triggered by something so minuscule. I felt so bad...I felt like I was a problem among them all and that I can't belong if I can't handle anything of the sort. 
I told them sorry. I received virtual hugs and they told me I was okay and didn't need to apologize which made me feel a little better but, I didn't want to seem like I was so weak and wanted to give my reasons for reacting the way I did...frightened and very uncomfortable. 

I mentioned trauma but nothing further to them and said I might tell them more someday if I feel up to it...the thing is...I want to tell them all and let them know why I am so reluctant to trust and shy away from anything that reminds me of my truama, and...well, what happened to me. But...I don't really know them all yet and I can't be just throwing my baggage out there willy nilly. 

...I just want them to know that I don't like feeling this way...and that I wish I were normal...but I can't be. Part of me is scared still of getting triggered again, and part of me is scared they won't understand and be welcoming of me after all...
I just want to join them and have fun too...but...it's difficult when I can't do much and my self-esteem, confidence and trust is nearly gone...

...I wish I just felt numb to it all and didn't have to get upset...I'm even more embarrassed and ashamed to be me...