I'm going fucking nuts, I have been diagnosed with depression for a few years now and everyday when not occupied I have to deal with the voices in my head calling me pathetic and disgusting. But this post isn't about the reasons behind my crippling self hate and doubt. This post is about my fucked up family life. 

To you give guys some context my mom and dad don't get a long that well, there relationship worsened when my grandparents (dad's side) moved in during corvid. My parents started fighting way more than usual and eventually my mom texted my dad that she wants him to leave with his parents. My dad got very angry and asked me about it. I said to me dad that maybe they needed a break since both of them have been stressed out, especially my mom who just had her mother die. So after convincing my dad that they need a break my dad left with his parents and for 4 months they have been separated. Note that during this process I was the one that had to convince my dad to leave and I was the one who made it so there was no big drama over the separation. So after these four months my dad texts to my mom that he wants to come back because he misses us but also because they got kicked out off the original place they were staying at and had to move into a cramped apartment and he has nowhere to else to go. Keep in mind that both my mom and sister are happier right now that my dad has left because for these past 4 months my mom and sister have been doing alright, but for my dad these 4 months were quite difficult. So I don't know what I am supposed to do. 

Another thing to keep in mind is that both of my parents are not the best people. My mother is very passive aggressive and she tends to think only from her POV, taking out her frustration on father; she is also quite prideful which is why they would often fight.  My dad isn't better though, he would often verbally abuse my sister and I; he was also give constant excuses to not getting a job (he has been unemployed for a decade now) and he would spend my moms or my grandparents money on things he wanted (Like a treadmill he barely uses or the fact that he is going back to school but has to rely on my mom or my grandparents to pay for it). 

I'm hanging on a fucking thread and I don't know what to do, because neither of my parents are good people and I am forced to fix and mediate there fucking problems. I already am quite suicidal and the only reason I haven't killed myself is because I promised to myself that the minimum age I will allow myself to die is eighteen, after I graduate high school.