Hey guys. Been lurking on this sub for a while. I’m currently going through the process of getting diagnosed with BPD but think I have it (previously diagnosed with ED and GAD). Either way I’m definitely experiencing some of the symptoms right now which have been really tough over past couple of days.

Basically I was seeing someone for the past two months or so and I became very dependent on their validation. They said from the beginning they weren’t looking for anything serious but that didn’t do anything to stop me from getting very attached. It came to the point recently where they said they don’t want to see me in a romantic way anymore because they don’t think it would be good for me and they don’t want a relationship with me. The frustrating part is that they said they really like me and think I’m a great person, just don’t see us being compatible. They also told me they had slept with someone else recently (we never talked about being exclusive) and were still seeing them. 

Honestly I’ve felt pretty broken since hearing this. I haven’t slept much over the past three nights, probably less than 12 hours total and have gone through some intense mood swings. Like crying in my shower and then 5 minutes later punching a wall. I’ve cried more than I had for the entire past 6 months in these 3 days and it needs to stop. There’s nothing more I want to do than totally devalue this person and hate them, but it’s so hard because they were good to me, accepted me for who I was and I actually really like them. Them fucking another guy pisses me off but at the same time I saw someone else during that time as well so I can’t really complain in all honesty. It just sucks to not be enough for someone and now I have this overwhelming feeling that I’ll never find someone like them and that if they couldn’t love me no one ever will. I’ve only known them for two fucking months and it literally feels like my world has crumbled just like that.

At this point, all I really want is for the pain to stop. Like I need to stop thinking about them it’s literally making it almost impossible for me to get any work done or function. They told me they still wanted to be friends and that we could hang out, and initially I thought that could work but very quickly I realized I can’t do that. I blocked them on all social media, deleted their contact and any record I had of their phone number and even blocked all of their friends I knew on social media. I’m still thinking about them. I don’t know like if there is some better way to get over this person, the no contact is really hard because I just want to see them and talk to them because they make me so happy to be with. Like I’m going back and forth between hating this person for what they did to me and not wanting me back and then reverting to the same mental image I had while seeing them. But I know I can’t have what I want and I don’t think it would help. It’s so ridiculous that I’ve only known this person for such a short period of time and feel this way. I don’t know how to stop feeling like this and honestly at this point I’d way rather be angry than sad but am having a hard time getting angry at them. I honestly almost want to contact them just to have them say mean things to me. This sounds so fucked up but otherwise I don’t know if I’ll be able to get them out of my head. 

TLDR: girl ended things with me but was too nice, feeling really fucking sad, blocked them on everything to try and go NC but not sure if that was right decision, want help coping right now and even making myself hate them to move on.

This is super long and I’m sorry about that but just needed to get it off my chest somewhere. Thanks.