I hope this helps someone out there that suffers from depression... Dont ever make the mistake I made today because I feel completely broken. I suffer from depression &amp; bi polar disorder. I have pretty extreme highs and lows at times. This morning was my son's baptism. My wife &amp; children attended but I stayed home. I've been thru a lot in my life and didn't always believe but as an adult God has been a huge part of my life. I believe strongly that my life has been effected positively by God many times. Theres no other way someone like me could have the blessings I have without God. I'm lazy, easily triggered, have anger issues, verbally abusive and depressed. Add bipolar to that mess. The only credit I can give myself sadly, is that I'm not physically abusive. Today was my biggest regret &amp; I'll have to live with it forever. I'll never forgive myself. I've said and done a lot of things that brought me to tears with regret but this is beyond that. Crying doesnt eas the pain..it kills me inside to know my baby son, that I love more than anything in the world was baptized...a huge moment in his life, without his Dad by his side. I left my wife to stand alone. It's wrong on so many levels and there is no excuse for it. I made pointless excuses this morning, probably to make myself feel better for not going but I knew I was wrong. How could I do this to my wife and baby boy?? The only thing I have is my family. My parents both passed, my grandparents as well. I'm not close with Aunts &amp; Uncles. The only people that keep me on this earth and give me the happiness that I get from life, I let down. I've never missed anything before today. Bday parties, babtisms, school plays, baseball games. I was always there to support my kids regardless of how I felt because I knew not going was unacceptable. Today I let depression win and ruin something I was so proud of, always being there.. on a day that meant so much. Especially being someone that truly believes God has given me far more than I deserve. I'm writing this because I don't know what else to do. Right before I made this account I was crying as hard as I ever have &amp; the pain was unbearable. He's the cutest little guy in the world I'm talking ridiculously unfair levels of cuteness. Everywhere we go people say how adorable he is. It melts my heart to know he's my son and I'm more thankful than words can express. Today I failed him as a father. I failed God after never giving up on me, my entire life. I failed my wife &amp; I failed myself. On all levels I failed. Not to mention my in-laws must have been so upset &amp; dissapointed. There's nothing I can do or say to get this day back. I wish so much that I could change it and be there for my family. If you ever feel like you can't go to an event as important as this for your children..get up and go anyway. Do it for them. If you have to drag yourself there, do it. You only get 1 life. Don't miss the important moments. You will regret it forever. God please forgive me for not being there today. Be with my son always, in his heart &amp; protect him. To anyone reading this thank you for taking the time &amp; God bless. If you could say a prayer for me that would mean a lot. Love you all.
Thank you for reading