Tomorrow is a drive by graduation parade and I'm so nervous. I'm excited that high school is over but now I'm being released into the real world and not sure if I'm ready for college which scares and stresses me out SO badly. Fear of what's to come is somewhat manageable for me but my family keeps trying to throw me a graduation party no matter how many times I say I'm not sure I want one which is making me feel like I'm losing what little control I already had. 

I'm so fucking stressed it's gotten to the point where evertime I stand up I get dizzy and black out. I don't even remember taking to my sister about my graduation cake. And I'm so scared of what's to come I'm ready to just shut down and sleep all day cuz drugs and alcohol don't work anymore. 

I'm tired of indulging in bad coping habits. I've tried meditation to help calm my nerves.  It helped a little but it's hard to concentrate when these thoughts won't shut up.  

I'm on the verge of tears just thinking about all of this. I have people I talk to but not sure if they're friends or wanna hear me rant. 

I  feel like a lil bitch for allowing myself to get like this but I really needed to let this all out. If you read this far thank you so much,  any advice on getting my find off of this would be much appreciated. 

Thank you
-M