I have had quite a hard time with this one. To preface, I do not fear myself dying, and have become quite comfortable with the thought. My fear is of the repercussions of my own death. Over the last few years, most of my immediate and extended family has died, and now its just me and my mom. I love my mom to death (pun intended) but the thought of what she would feel in the wake of my death absolutely wrecks me. I am terrified to travel. I feel like driving anywhere or doing most things puts me at risk, and what that would do to my mom and close friends if it happened. It consumes me daily. I haven't been on a trip and actually enjoyed it in years. I have a big trip coming two days from now, and I just lie awake at night, sob uncontrollably, and am physically ill. I haven't found much online about this specific fear. Everything I search is just the fear of death, but thats not quite it. It has started creeping in to other aspects of my life. Driving, working, anything. I'm in my very early 20s, and want so desperately to just be able to enjoy my life and do fun things and be reckless or just happy. But I just can't. I guess I'm asking, does anyone else have this? What do you do to get through it? I can't really afford therapy, but if it has helped someone who has this, I will just have to figure it out. I can't live like this any longer. Thank you for any advice