Hey, I am kind of new here. I am 19 and am about to get a diagnosis for either bipolar disorder or BPD. I have some sort of mood disorder. Anyways, I was hoping for some advice or motivation. I am not sure if I am in a depressive episode or what. Back in October of 2021, I started feeling faint and dizzy, that was a whole thing so fast forward to now, we now know it is anxiety. I cannot sit in restaurants or really even drive my car because I am scared of losing consciousness. I have stopped going out almost completely, I lay in bed all day. Nothing feels real. I do not feel real but I know I am. Sometimes I wake up in a panic because I do not recognize my room, and things just feel off. I know this is DPDR, but I struggle talking to my family because I feel no connection with them so I just lay in my bed.. all day. I went from being a supervisor at my store and a college student to not really being able to even leave my house. I could not imagine even working in a store right now.. I did do my work term for college 270 hours and do not know how I did it. Anyways, I have so much feelings of hopelessness. I feel so fucking empty. My brain is literal mush, my memory is shit, and I get so off balance on the bad days. I am so sick of DPDR. It has been 8 months. I have been on so many meds since I was 13. Celexa, Zoloft, Paxil, Seroquel (or mirtazapine I do not remember, I was young), Trileptal, Prozac was the most recent (Was fucking horrible turned me into an anxious mess with suicidal thoughts), Abilify, and Effexor. I have now been prescribed Lamictal. I am terrified to take it but I need my life back. I am just so scared of getting worse. I was so outgoing before major DPDR hit, I loved going to restaurants and hanging out with my friends and going for a drive, now I can barely get out of bed and take care of myself. Fuck I am scared to shower because I am scared of fainting although I have never fainted, I get dizzy. Anyways, does this sound like a depressive episode?? Can they go on for 8 months? I am so lost lol. If you made it through, thank you.