.. and ashamed that feeling this way isn’t enough to get me to change my behavior.  My parents are paying for everything — therapy, car, school…etc, and I’ve fucked it all up.  I failed the course, spent the money on climbing, and am terrible at therapy bc I don’t have the discipline to do anything they ask.  I have supportive friends, but I’ve leaned on them before and really don’t want to burden them with my emotions anymore.  The worst part is that I know why I’m like this, and I can’t seem to help it without feeling even worse.  Are we all just terrible people here, or is it just me?

Oh and as the cherry on top, on paper I’m supposed to be king of the world.  Nobody thinks that the cishet dude from Harvard has any excuse for being like this.  I have trauma, but to the outside world, I’m a fancy ivy leaguer with a fancy job and a fancy life.