I went to dinner tonight with my family and a family friend. I'm fat and I'm very anxious about how much space I take up and I always try to ask to sit at a table rather than a booth but if we get sad at a booth I don't like making a big deal out of it. We went to dinner and we were giving a booth and my sister was like oh can we get a table but the restaurant was really busy and I said it's fine let's just sit. She kind of kept pushing it for a couple seconds and I was like hey they're busy let's just sit so everyone said and then I sat in the booth at the end and I literally felt like the Pillsbury doughboy. I feel like everyone's eyes were on me and I felt like everyone was judging me and I felt like my body was going numb and I couldn't breathe. I just wanted to die or disappear and so I got up from the table then I said I'll be back and then I walked outside. I usually freaking out so I text my sister I'm going home please give me space don't worry about me I'm sorry tell them I wasn't feeling good but I need to go..I just felt so embarrassed and angry at myself for not fitting in the booth. I'm working on my weight, but my anxiety really high and I was crying and I called an Uber but then my sister came outside and said that I was overreacting. She and I both have anxiety and we have a code word for when we're out and about and are feeling overwhelmed and need space or need to leave and it's pineapples and I had told her pineapples but she said I was overreacting. I've never ever asked her to leave a place before but anytime she's ever asked to leave I've always respected it without question. I'm so angry that she made me feel bad for giving myself space in a situation where I was really uncomfortable and anxious. 

Or maybe I am overreacting and I'm just being dumb. Feeling really in my head. 


But also maybe I'm just overreacting and the whole thing is super silly