**No one really actually cares about anyone at all.**

I'm afraid of how I feel when typing this. I don't tell people I feel this way, they would get offended: "Are you saying I don't care about you? Or that *you* don't care about *me*?" Is the response that will jump out, or some similar variation. And that's the fucking point - in the capacity that everyone makes things about themselves. Why wouldn't they? They don't live your life. They don't need to care. Where is that going to get them? Nowhere, unless of course there is something you provide. A "connection", entertainment, companionship, affection anything that you provide. 

We care about people, not because of our idea of that person being valuable, but what we get from that person, which is at the end of the day, a self contained stimuli. There is no such thing as a "connection". A connection is simply input and output, not intertwined. Conversations are always a competition for who gets to air out the things they want to say, and they just wait until they get to say the next thing they want to say. Try listening to drunk people talk, you'll see what I mean. The prefrontal cortex is the area of the brain responsible for social filtering, and also most impacted by alcohol. People become unmasked on alcohol, and its their real self shining through, despite what they might claim after they did something embarrassing. 

Relationships of any kind are just "trading". You get what you want, they get what they want. It hurts me to say that this has been on my mind for a long time. People give up on you on the basis of "it's not worth it". They're right. It isn't worth it. You aren't getting a return on your investment, so move on and cut your losses. Wise choice. 

We are nothing but a chemical reaction between a sperm and an egg, that takes a long number of years to complete. We happened by accident, a flash of energy and a million probabilities of combinations of matter execute themselves and result in, "life" as we call it, and try to make sense of it by gaslighting ourselves with this BULLSHIT we pretend is "love" and "kindness". There is no meaning. There is none. We are pursuing stimulation, addicted, as predetermined by our programming. 

All this "caring" shit is just feelings assigned to the results of combinations of stimulation. That's all we care about, feeling good, for ourselves. 

I'm hoping to be wrong. I know the rules say no debate. This will not be a debate. I'm willing to hear I'm misconceived and for someone to share insight with me. I want to fight these "facts" I feel I have been presented with by life, and defeat them.