So, often, almost daily, I sit awhile and just cycle through my ridiculous thoughts. I imagine there are two people sitting in the office of my brain and one of them is giving a report about all of my mental activity. The other just sits there and listens, sips his coffee, and occasionally says, "okay." He does this because he knows that all the reports of unwanted of unnecessary mental activity is just the result of some type of imbalance in the "brain office" plumbing system. 

It hurts and "we're" all sad, but nothing is actually wrong. "We" really can fake normalcy because no one will know otherwise unless "we" show them. (I'm using quotes because I don't actually believe there are more people in my head, I'm just compartmentalizing).

The intellectual part of me - the boss sipping coffee - knows that "everyone" else is concerned about nothing that is harmful or life-threatening.

So, now I've had this conversation with myself. But almost everyday, I wish there was someone I could actually tell this all to; someone I could give the reports to that would just sit back, sip their coffee, and say, "Okay." No sympathy, no advice, not even an understanding of the reported information, just someone to acknowledge that these are my thoughts. Someone to know what's going on inside my head and maybe make their own mental note about it.

I go through the list of all the people that I love and that love me and I ask myself if they'll just say, "Okay." I have no one. I can't tell anyone without them feeling bad for me, offering advice on how to fix myself, or causing them genuine concern. I can't even tell my wife because she will just worry about me and it will inadvertently affect her life. 

Even if my dog could just nod once in a while I could make that work but, even he, reacts to my state and shows genuine concern on his face. It's so frustrating!

SMH. Can someone just say, "Okay," please?