I seemed to be doing rather well since the beginning of 2017, I started EMDR therapy to try and deal with my BPD and PTSD, but exactly a month ago everything snowballed into chaos.

It started when I got into a bad argument with my boss at work and I was basically fired (my contract terminates at the end of the month). I've been looking for jobs ever since and getting rejections nearly everyday. It drives me insane. I am so desperate to find something that I am even looking to go back to uni and study a whole other field. 

This past month, I took out all my anger on my then SO and we eventually broke up. To isolate myself, I have deleted and privated all my social media and exclusively stay at home. To punish myself even more, I have stopped eating entirely and am now severely underweight. After five years of being clean I have started self harming again. At the end of the month I will be completely alone, I will have no friends left to talk to, nobody to interact with, no job to go to. I never knew I could destroy myself in this way and the worst part about everything is that I am completely conscious of it but I can't change. All I can do it watch it happen. 

I have never let my BPD define me so much as this past month and it's really hard for me to try and combat it now after all the damage is done