I used to post on dating sites every other day. I fantasized about befriending someone online and slowly falling in love and all that shit. I would have given anything, for someone to love me. I was starving for physical connection. I fucking cry when they dry my hair in a hair salon. Because that's the most intimate thing I've felt in my lifetime. 

But now, I don't even care to look at those dating sites let alone posting there. I don't bother to build a connection with people online. If you talk, I will talk. If you stop, I'll stop. I don't even think about why you stopped, did I do something bad, etc. Because I'm so used to people leaving me and I don't give a flying fuck anymore. I don't even fantasize about love life anymore. I don't even have crushes. I don't think twice before saying anything, even if it would make them angry, I say what I feel. 

And this is so liberating. I won't lie that I'm happy. I'm not happy and yes I'm lonely. But I'm not devastated either. This is fine. This is peaceful. I started to like this. 

Have a good day y'all :)