I woke up feeling shitty and can tell this is gonna be a rough one.
I'm so fucking tired of being homeless. I'm fucking tired of not having a shower, I'm fucking tired of using nasty public bathrooms and and either walking half a mile to use it or just holding it for days until my stomach starts hurting.
I'm tired of my mother constantly reaching out to "help" but never actually does anything just ghosts when I say something she doesn't like. I'm tired of chronic arthritis pain and skin plaques from a disease. Tired of emotional abuse. Tired of being tired. My life will never get better only worse. I called a suicide hotline because I just wanted to vent, wanted someone to care, and while the person was very kind and professional, that's all it is, a job, a profession. That person hears a 100 sob stories a day worse than mine and is doing their job to "listen" and make prevention plans. That's awesome and great but honestly if just made me feel so alone. I was never the type of person to ask for help and as my life crumbled I tried to reach out and it feels like all I got was laughed at and tossed away.

I'm "ok" I guess I'm not currently suicidal or anything I just am fucking sad man. I needed to vent and if anyone has some kind words for me today I would appreciate it.