I’m not sure if this is the right place to post so if not please let me know. I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for years now. I’ve seen numerous psychologists for treatment of this but I either end up ghosting them because I feel like they aren’t helping or they start to recommend medication pathway and I’ve always been against medication. My main concern is that even if they do work, the likelihood of finding the right one for me will take a lot of trial and error and when I last took them when I was 14 they made me suicidal. A lot of people have also said it just makes you feel numb and I don’t want that. I also used to cut a lot when I was younger, and as I’ve gotten older I’ve been better but this still happens occasionally when I’m really in a bad way. A lot of my issues stem from insecurity as well so I’m concerned taking medication will make me put on weight which will make me feel worse about myself. I feel like I have deep rooted traumatic issues I need to deal with from childhood and I want to do this with therapy (I’m seeing a new therapist next month) but usually after a few sessions all my psychologists start to recommend medication or seeing a psychiatrist which feels like they’re just going “oh its too hard to treat with therapy, lets just put her on medication”. I’m not to the point where I can’t get out of bed or anything, which is another reason why I don’t feel medication is necessary. I study, work full time, maintain a healthy relationship with my partner etc. I do get down some days and try to use strategies to help like being around friends or writing, but I do have issues with motivation, specifically getting uni assessment done on time, but I know every student procrastinates so I don’t know whether to believe my mental health issues require medication or if I can get through it with just therapy. I know I’ve come a long way from when I was younger and I’m much more stable now, but my main issue is motivation to do study etc. I know at the end of the day it’s my decision and everyone is different, but I guess I’m just curious about other peoples experiences with/without antidepressants.