I just feel so hopeless. I don't even know what I want. I don't know where to even begin to feel better. There are no threads to pull. The supposed solutions to every problem all come with their own problems. I'm too exhausted to do anything more than I'm already doing. I'm sad, I'm alone, I'm scared. Chronic depression and panic disorder and trauma and exhaustion create an inescapable black hole of misery.

I can't even find a starting point. My medication keeps me stable enough to hold my job and that's all that doctors and society care about. Everything else is my problem alone.