For so long I’ve been working towards getting help for my depression, I wanted the anti depressants so bad (I never lied abt my symptoms) and I’ve been working for so long to get the meds, not necessarily because I wanted to get better, but because I wanted someone other than myself to recognize that I needed help and give it to me. Now I don’t know what to do, I’ve been working towards that for so long that i just feel stuck now. I had been looking forward to that appointment for months. I know I need help and I want the help but I don’t rlly want to get better, but I want to want to get better if that makes sense. I don’t know who I would be without the constant intense mood swings, the depression, the self harm. What do I do now? Now that I’m not working towards the goal I had set? Now that I have my new meds? Now that I’m getting better but don’t want to be better? I have so many symptoms besides the ones I talked about for my depression diagnosis. What do I do with that now? I want to know what’s wrong with me but I don’t really want to fix it. I want to get help but I don’t want it to actually help me.