This post is probably going to make me sound like a horrible person, I'm sorry.
So I've been in a relationship with this person, B, for a while. It's the longest relationship either of us have ever had and our first real relationship in a lot of ways.
It's been hard, but all relationships are hard, you know?
They've always been open about their mental health, and have had a diagnosis of bipolar disorder for a long time, but it was fast mood swings, not the slow ones lasting weeks or months that I'd read about.
I'm also mentally ill, I have depression and anxiety, but nothing as life altering as what they have to deal with.
I've always worried, but the new BPD diagnosis made it more prominent for me, that I'd accidentally drive them to hurt themself, or even kill themself.
I don't want that to happen, and that pressure is terrifying, but they seem to think that I'm the best person in their life, so leaving them isn't an option.
I love them so so so much, but whenever I don't communicate my feelings exactly right, I hurt them so badly, and it's horrible.
I feel like I have so much power over them that I need to be so careful with, and I have no way of reducing it and no knowledge of how to use it responsibly.
And I would be an asshole if I communicated this because they're so scared of being a burden or even an inconvenience, and I think me telling them this would make them think they are one.
I'm sorry if this is incoherent, I'm not having a good day. Nothing happened, I'm just swimming in my brain.
