i'm such an awful, boring person its incredible like if there is anything i achieve, it's embarrassing myself. i don't want to go to school, i don't. i feel so alone, so excluded, so drained all the time and it makes me feel lazy but i'm just genuinely done with life.

i know no one cares about me. i know that if i attempted again, people still wouldn't care because i went through it once and no one, not a single person asked me, why i did it. no one asked me and that is my worth. i'm sure i'm overreacting, i'm sure everyone is sick of me and my bullshit. i wish i was always happy so i brought happiness to people too, so that maybe i could be loved. i tried to make new friends but i'm so afraid of them hating or leaving me. i don't want those i love to leave me, it's so scary, i just want to be kept safe for once. i want someone to love me. not love my body, because that's what people love. i feel so stuck, nothing ever gets better and i don't know what i've done to deserve such a thing in my life.