i feel like i should be happy. like i just got a promotion, i’m talking to a great girl, it just feels like everything is going right. but i don’t feel happy. anytime i’m alone i have these thoughts of just ending my shit and i can’t stop it. i try to do anything and everything to keep my mind off of it whether that’s drinking or working out or just putting myself by others. but there’s always that time of night where i am by myself and it gets scary. i just feel that nobody actually cares how i’m doing so i just say i’m fine or if i do say i’m not i’ll start crying and i don’t wanna do that in front of people. i wanna reach out but i can’t bring myself to do it. this is the first time i said anything about it.