In recent weeks I've been starting to learn how to live with my anxiety to the point where I very minimally get anxiety anymore. Anxiety itself happens a couple times a week still but it's nothing I can't handle.

Today I had an amazing day with friends and of course we drank a lot to the point where I was very drunk at the end, which is okay bc I drink more than average (I'm 19). Anyway, it was an unforgettable day and I went to sleep drunk af.

BOOM I wake up with the biggest anxiety attack I've had in months. Out of nowhere. You all understand anxiety attacks so hopefully you get it when I say that I was totally convinced my body woke me up because I was dying in my sleep or that a heart attack was nearing. Now I'm calming down on the couch at 5:40 am watching the office when I just want to sleep.

What I just want to get off my chest is that I hate that this stupid disorder follows me around in EVERY aspect of my life it's just really depressing. There's nothing I can do to make it stop ever. It's just depressing that it's ALWAYS there around the corner waiting for me. I was so proud of myself for learning how to deal with anxiety but now this shit happened to me and I just feel tired about it. I honestly wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. If I had to choose between infinite money or not having to live with anxiety ever again I'd choose the latter every fucking time.

Sorry but I just had to vent about this im just tired.