I lost a relationship dear to me and he caused me so much trauma. So much so I spiralled and had one of the longest hypersexual, high and drunk episodes of my life I wounded up pregnant. The child’s father has caused me some new trauma too if I’m honest but he’s confusing (no feelings for him). I really long for the life I had before, I think the thought of it keeps me going (and my child obviously) but when I level with myself properly and take myself out of the delusion; I panic and spiral and it’s just a lot. 

Not sure what I’m doing anymore and I’m trying so hard but nothing seems to be doing it for me. I feel like the world acts like people don’t have legitimate breaking points where people can no longer continue, but they do and I feel incredibly close to mine. It’s really sad as well because just before the relationship breakdown, I was kind of getting my life together; was feeling so thankful for that partner for being patient with me and it all just crumbled. 

Life is hard enough, but this disorder really adds an extra layer of FUCK😭