I was diagnosed a year ago with BPD which has developed into various other questions in terms of what i should be diagnosed with as well like ADHD and Autism, which I have suspected for a long time but to add to everything makes me feel really confused and isolated. In addition to the complex PTSD I don't know what part of me is even me and not just a trauma response to my horrible life. 

I have no friends except my family and my SO. How do people be friends? How do you even find people who are like-minded? I'm just so ready to fall off the edge and give in to everything self destructive yet i know im on the best path ive ever been on in my life to throw it all away would be selfish to my family and SO. Then again i dont think ive ever been selfish about myself. 

I just want to disappear and erase my existence