I have for many many years dealt with mental pain by moving my body somehow. It has lead to embarrassing situations where I've suddenly bit hit with a thought, and have then would up, without being able to stop it, hit the table with my first giving everyone around a scare. 

I'm usually able to keep these things somewhat under control when I'm with others though, or brush it off somehow, but this depression it's become really bad, and really embarrassing. I twitch, say things like "I wanna die", fidget and hit my thigh and such even while with people, especially if my anxiety levels are too high. 

When I'm alone its way way worse. Alone I pace around the apartment, hit myself, hit the furniture, suddenly shout (especially curse) or scream, to kind of deafen my anxiety and bad feelings? Sometimes I have the need to do these things and I decide to do them, but often they just happen without me being able to stop them

I'm in treatment for bp and anxiety, and wanted to Google what these symptoms are called, but I can't find anything, and I'm worried that I'm somehow making it up? (I know it's illogical, but I'm too scared to talk to my therapist about it) 

Please tell me there are others out there.