My life is currently spread out across 3 countries. My husband is in one (working on getting his visa to join me but it's been a long process), I'm suppose to be in grad school in another, and I'm currenly in my home country where my mom is because of a medication transition from Paxil to Pristiq. 

2 weeks into my medication transition I tried to go back to grad school and my anxiety jacked up partially due to withdrawal. I was on a plane home 3 days later. So it's been about 1.5 weeks since then and I mostly had physical symptoms of withdrawal from the paxil but yesterday I was discussing returning back to grad school because I've been feeling a bit better and since then my anxiety has been bad again. 

I woke and cried this morning wondering why I made my life so complicated. I've dropped 2 of my classes so I am just taking one class and joining via zoom but I am suppose to be in person, but I am afraid to be alone. I want my husband to be with me but his visa process has taken a lot of time.  On top of all of this, whenever I get weird feelings in my body, which I've been getting due to my med adjustment, my anxiety skyrockets. I feel like medication just doesn't work for me (I got a gene test done and Pristiq is suppose to be the best one for me) and therapy hasn't done much either despite shelling out a bunch of money over the years. I just feel sad and anxious and I want to go back to when I used to be able to handle being alone. I keep trying to live like before anxiety took hold and I feel like I need to just accept that I need a simple life and I can no longer handle the new and expansive experiences I try to seek out.