So I have a stutter and I’ve always been insecure about it. I was with my best friend and his friend and his friend made fun of someone’s stutter because he’s not aware I stutter. This made me realize how easy it is to make fun of people behind their back. I felt really bad that night and started crying when I got home cause it made me realize I didn’t know who was being real with me and I felt as tho I was devalued

Flash to today and it was still bugging me but I realized something. Those people aren’t exclusively making fun of people like me, but making fun of a lot more than a stutter. People are made fun of for stutters, tics, religion, sexuality, lisps, appearance, and more. I realized it’s not my problem to worry about them and most people that make fun of others will show themselves with time and real nice people will never do that. This made me content and I was happy, I forgot about it for the most part and went about my business 

But I posted something to reddit about it and someone said they had a similar experience and it lead to going into psychosis and being paranoid about people talking badly about them. This made me almost have a panic attack when I was eating with my parents because going psychotic is one of my biggest fears. Ever since then I’ve felt so anxious. It took a good 30-60 minutes to calm myself down and not be on the edge of a panic attack. Ever since then I can’t shake this thought but now for a different reason. Instead of worrying who’s judging me. I’m worrying if I believe it. I’ve had this fear before but when it’s bad it gets so bad it feels like I’m already psychotic (even tho I’m not) and today was one of those days. It feels like the thought you believe if fact and I have terrible depersonalization. This has happened 4-6 times before this and normally after a good sleep my anxiety tones down a bit

But since this is a little different and it started out without that anxiety, does that mean I am going crazy? Instead of thinking anyone is judging me I keep asking myself if I think these specific people at my work would judge me, idk why, once again that was cause OCD started to obsess on it now. But since I had this thought before OCD does it mean I’m going crazy? Or am I sane since I’m worrying so much about it?