When I feel abandoned or alone or isolated one of my first coping mechanisms besides smoking weed is to sexualize myself and hook up with strangers. I am a bisexual trans man. Typically these strangers are from apps or online. I tend to degrade myself and not respect my own boundaries or wants because I’d rather have some stranger’s attention than be by myself. I hardly get anything out of these interactions other than killing time, attention, and I guess a bit of a thrill. Not even just the sex, I think it’s also because I know what i’m doing is dangerous for a variety of reasons and that I am putting myself in a very compromising position where I have less power. Though I normally regret it or am neutral on the situation after. They are nothing like the sexual encounters I’ve had where I feel like I’m in control and are mutually satisfactory. I don’t know how to stop I seriously don’t know how to exist alone without feeling like shit about myself.