I think about death almost every single day. When I get into my car I think “this could be my last car ride” or when I feel pain in my body or if I have something minor happen to my body I convince myself that I have cancer and treat life like I have not much longer to live. 
I just recently had a bug bite infection that caused a swollen lymph node. The infection is gone and my lymph node has shrunk and is healing, but I cannot shake the conviction that something terrible is happening inside of my body. Like cancer. I’ve already talked to my doc about it. I am always always always thinking about how today could be my last day alive. It’s really wearing me out. Some days are better than others, and I believe that I’m  a high functioning anxious person- but it’s too much for me to handle at times. I wish could sleep for a very long time to rest and have a break. Sometimes it’s the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I sleep. Full days of worry. 

Not only this, but I also fear that one of my loved ones around me is going to die, or that they’re going to turn away from me. 

I am so restless with my thoughts. I wish I could hibernate for a couple of months for a break. Besides seeing a therapist and being on medication (I’m already doing that) what the hell can I do? I want to check out for a while and escape my mindset. I don’t know how to do that.