In the past, I was considered higher functioning, most of the emotions I experienced were heavy, but for the most part, I could cope with them fairly easy, I did pretty good in school and even made a lot of friends during this time period, I even tested out of my IEP.

Fast forward to the last 2 years, I have felt that these emotional pains have been growing quite rapidly. Last year I was even hospitalized for suicide. During that time, I struggle to attend my former church as my severe anxiety would just kick in, causing me to run out. Eventually I quit going altogether. During this time, I thought I reached the lowest point of my life. After a bad 2017-2018 school year that lead to me losing most of my friends from previous years and started to see my mental health further deteriorate, I thought I reached another new low point.

This past summer I only have very few but supportive friends. They have been trying everything they can to support me and comfort me. BUT........

I’ve pretty much sucked the life out of them, I’ve become an emotional vampire. After I realized that this was unhealthy, I decided to isolate myself in order to prevent further harm to them. Now I’m the one being milked of whatever dignity and conscious that remains by my own fucking emotions.

I’m now at a point where It’s even challenging to take care of myself. I’ve been screwing up my sleep schedule time and time again and can’t realign, I’ve only been able to eat 1 meal per day,  I can’t drive at all anymore, can’t communicate effectively with my loved ones about my suffering, I’m so exhausted that I could sleep days without ever waking up. Worst of all, my emotional pain has been so severe that I feel like I’m literally getting eaten alive by fire ants, it feels like I’m literally burning alive.

I feel like over the years, I’ve been slowly getting swarmed by millions of fire ants, with more coming out of the colony to get me. I feel like that my flesh has been ripped clean, leading me to intense agony as I’m somehow still alive, getting ready for my bones to be exposed.