Long story somewhat short:

&amp;#x200B;

I'm in a grad class with about 30 other people. Over the last two years some of my BPD symptoms have come out and I think I slowly alienated some of my friends and I really only have a few left in the class that still accept me. I've deleted facebook a few months ago so I've been kind of absent or just miss out on some of the larger social gatherings beyond my close friends in the class.

&amp;#x200B;

We just finished our last week of the semester. Earlier this week one of my close friends remembered I wasnt on facebook anymore and invited me to a potluck/end of the year party. I knew it would be the larger group and had some bad feelings but decided to be social. I spent 3-4 hours today cooking a dish for everyone. However due to earlier delays with meetings and such, I was running an hour behind and showed up to the party about an hour late. The entire time I was there I felt awkward. I stuck to my few close friends like glue and began to feel miserable. I pretty much felt like most of my class kind of disowned me. I tried to put on a good face but it was so lonely and no one touched the dish I made. I took my first chance to leave when my best friend was leaving as well and as I was going one of my good friends in the class asked for some of my dish to try as I was taking it home.

&amp;#x200B;

I know it lacks a lot of context but I just felt isolated, out of place, and like I was an idiot to put that much effort into making something instead of buying something from the store. I also felt like a dick taking it home but I figured I may as well enjoy it. I just feel so lonely and I don't know how to cope with this knowing most of this is probably my fault for letting the crazy out earlier in the year.