I dont get turned on by women anymore, porn doesn't really interest me anymore, exercise is very temporary, i have work to do on myself but when i look better im not gonna feel better, cant maintain a job, im going to lose my mom in the foreseeable guture, i hope i dont lose her but i will and when shes gone thats the kost important person in my life, one of few people who care about me. 

I just dont like myself. I look at myself in the mirror i just hate him. Nothing i fo or tell myself changes anything. No amount of drugs or therapy will uplift me, no progress with weightloss or weight lifting changes me.. theres nothing i can do except stop trying to be happy because i wont ever be. Theres no place for me in society, nobody needs me. Nobody out there wants me around or is wondering where i am.  

When i run into people from highschool they usually dont say anything but sometimes thry pretend theyre my friend byt theyalienated me throughout grade 9 and then i dropped out because nobody liked me. 

Theres literally nothing i can do. When a hot pretty girl is talking to me nothing upstairs is operating the way it should be.