My life just feels like a slideshow of shit at this point. I have a good girlfriend, but all my other friends have either stopped talking to me over little things or just because, and the ones I have left are usually too busy to talk either. I have Multiple Sclerosis, ASD, pretty sure I'm bipolar/have PTSD, I have severe ADHD and can't even recognize time anymore. I have nightmares every night when I can sleep and some nights I just lie in bed unsure of whether I'm awake or not. I have no appetite anymore and even when I am hungry I hardly eat. I feel so tired all of the time, and nothing really helps. I'm glad I'm good at masking or I'm pretty sure everyone would have stopped talking to me by now.  This is just so hard to deal with and it's been like this for most of my life. I'm unemployed, not in school, about to turn 21 and just suffering. I'm so tired of waiting for it to get better. I know it will but it's just been so long. My parents are no help either, my dad is stuck in this rabbit hole of alternative medicine and spiritual healing stuff, and my stepmom (also unemployed) just sits at her computer all day tweeting stuff about BTS. My girlfriend tries to help, but she doesn't really know how to or even really understand how I feel. I appreciate her being around and it does help a little, so that's a pretty good thing. Everything just feels the same. I used to write songs and stories and draw stuff and just make art in general but it's all just kind of faded and I don't know how to get back to where I was in my mind when I was doing it before. I'm moving pretty soon I think, my dad is pretty sure he's gonna get a new job in a city near where I live so maybe being around people more often will help. My birthday is pretty soon, and all my plans for that fell through. Probably gonna be like most of my birthdays where I don't really get anything and nobody really cares and it's basically just a normal day. Finally an adult or whatever. I hate it every time I realize I'm in my 20s. I still feel like I'm 16. I still have no idea what I'm doing and nobody seems like they want to help me except for the people who don't have the time. I'm trying my best to figure it out on my own but I don't think this one's a puzzle I can solve by myself. I just wish I had some friends. I wish I could try to be friends with people without feeling like I'm desperate. I used to have so much confidence and I just don't anymore.