Every decision I’ve made has led me to my current position/scenario in my life. I’m ~1/3 through my life and the nightmares as a kid are now my reality. Things I said I would never let happen have and I have no one to blame. I hate the sorry ass state of the world. If I could, I’d wipe it all out. I force myself into public so that I don’t fall into self destruction and suicide. My existence is just pain, but my charismatic smile will deceive you that I’m so broken and full of hate for this existence. 
I wanted a family and the dream. Now I just want to destroy every part of happiness in this world.