Hi guys, so 5 weeks ago a relationship I had with someone ended abruptly. The last two weeks he was apparently falling out of love with me but he hid it and made it seem like we were still going strong, he even told me what christmas gift to buy him. 
I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist with MDD, panic disorder, and a mild form of OCD, and I’m currently on aprazolam and zoloft, and going to therapy. I want to get better, even though I self harm and have suicidal thoughts almost daily, but I cannot find the power to fight all of this, and get over this boy. I should be mentioning that I have a very big fear of abandonment, that he knew about, but he still ended it like that. I just want to not care about him, and to stop being assaulted by flashbacks and memories of me being happy, mentally healthy, with him. This has all hit me at once and I genuinely am at a loss. I don’t get how I could fight all this. Any advice or help or anything is welcome. Thanks in advance!