i’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year. i appreciate the need for us both to have our own hobbies and friends, but i kind of feel like i don’t matter as much as his friends/housemates do. early on i had to get used to the fact that i’d not hear from him for hours in the evening because he was doing stuff with his house. which was fine, but it’s nice to be given a heads up. i live a 25 minute drive away but as i don’t drive myself, it takes me about an hour to get to him by train. sometimes that’s spent as one-on-one time, but usually we end up doing stuff with his friends. i think they’re lovely people, but i do have a low social battery and our personalities are quite different (i’m also a couple years older), so it can be a bit overwhelming for me. this sometimes leads to me just hanging out in his room by myself while he’s downstairs with his friends. 

i wasn’t really significantly bothered by it until recently. he’s noted that things are a different vibe with “the girls”. and a lot of the time he’ll decline going to things with me because he prefers plans over spontaneity. but yesterday he was okay to go to the library with his friends on a whim, and today a nearby nature walk, both of which i’ve been asking to go to over the last year. i’ve been really good about respecting boundaries, controlling impulsive behaviours, not obsessing, etc. but i’m kind of hurt about this, and i don’t think he realises he’s doing it.