I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I have almost zero female friends. I wish I had even just one, and I think about it every single day. It’s a constant source of shame and sadness for me. I just scrolled through my texts; not a single woman has texted me in weeks. It’s been said in previous posts, if I don’t reach out first, nobody seems to care.

Men only reach out to me me when they want me to entertain them via sexting, when they want to fuck me or send them nudes or whatever. A lot of men, too. More than you’d expect. Single men, but particularly men with wives and girlfriends They want me to make them feel good about themselves. They tell me they’re obsessed with me. How unbelievably hot I am. How much they want to fuck me, or get them off. Then when they’ve received enough attention they go back to their “real lives” and friends, and girlfriends who are “normal.” They ask how I am so they can tell me they’re horny.

I haven’t had a real relationship with a man in years and years. All of my friends live with their significant others. Some are married and have families. I try to make good decisions but men continually treat me like garbage. I even had my rapist try to match with me on a dating site years after, “remember me?”

I try to use coping skills like interpersonal effectiveness and appropriate boundary setting but when the only people who pay you any attention are seekers and cruel men, it gets so hard. I’m so tired. I just want somebody I can trust. Someone who cares about me. It feels like I’ll never be in a real relationship, or have a family of my own. I am so sad.