I'm 30 today, and I'm feeling incredibly sad. I'm not where I want to be in my life and my mental health has only gotten worse, last year intensified it. 2020 was a shitshow with covid, personal family/life struggles and that's when my therapist said I show some characteristics of BPD. That all really put me in a dark place where I was suicidal for awhile..I am in a somewhat better place then last year, but that's due to therapy, and a group dbt course I started taking a few months ago. I'm on a new medication and it's still kicking in, it's only been 2 weeks but I haven't noticed a change yet besides sleepiness. It's after 2 ineffective attempts with other medications. It's been years since I've been TRULY happy and I am feeling so hopeless. I feel flawed and unloved, and I fear age 30 is just going to be another year of unhappiness and struggle.