so, my fp is dating someone who is an actual trigger 4 me. like, even going to the person’s profile sends me into spiraling, really bad. ive been having nightmares, i’ve been getting anxiety and panic attacks constantly. its genuinely so fucking awful. it wasnt always this way, we used to be friends until my fp’s s/o who i’ll call Ken for now just started behaving really just.. he started vaguing me and subtweeted me which caused a really bad split and caused me to block him. we talked it out, he gave some weird excuse, refollowed eachother, only for him to block me, call me annoying (which is a really really bad squick for lack of a better term) and say he didn’t care about me despite me trying to be there for him through shit and apologizing to him for the smallest things and trying to be there for him at his worst. he even dismissed my bpd as some fucking excuse. and, im spiraling really bad bc my fp is still dating him. I’ve showed her all of the screenshots, everything he said, ive even talked about how much he triggers me and my fp is still just really in love with him and my fp is trying to play man in the middle for us both but i really wish my fp would just drop me so i wouldnt have to suffer like this. im dissociating so bad every single day, constantly having flashbacks and meltdowns because of this and im just, helpless. im seriously debating trying to distance and detach myself from my fp but we’re best friends. i dont wanna do that to her. im just, so so upset. i wish i never had this fucking disorder i wish i never was so attached to my fp so i could just get this over with. my first semester back at irl classes just started and im trying to use school as a distraction but nothing’s working. i just want this to stop so so bad.