Dude it’s so damn hard to focus, time, places and people are a blur to me. I don’t care who comes or who goes. I have shit to do and so I do it, but damn does it take a lot of effort. Realistically nobody gives a damn and they shouldn’t, because they have their own lives to worry about. I need people to give a damn anyway. I tried a range antidepressants and medications and it fucked up my body. I go through periods of great physical and much better mental shape, out of force and practice, and then I relapse into blur hell. Holy fuck it’s been well over 10 years and I’m just recently starting to take my own mental health seriously. I was in denial because others were. My mom also recently started to believe me and take it more seriously. I don’t blame anyone for anything, no one is at fault, no one has all the answers and everyone just wants their life to be not shitty. I really do remind myself to be grateful for what I do have in my life. But man am I tired.