I am very exhausted from fighting with my girlfriend. We both have BPD, but we've both been doing super well, and working together better than I could have ever imagined.   
And yet, still, every single fight that spirals (and there has only been maybe three) makes me feel so lost and angry to the point where I barely remember ever loving her. When we are both ok it's so good, so so good, but I can't stop this growing feeling that she will never be able to put my emotional state first when she gets offended, and instead she just gets hurt by my being upset at her and it spirals out of control. I feel all the victim feelings of someone dating a borderline and all the overwhelming rage of being one.   


The last fight has me thinking that maybe this was a stupid idea, maybe we are physically unable to work together, maybe I should just end this before I go back to idealising her and risk getting torn down like this again.  
I'm so tired of violently hating someone who I remember being in love with the day before.

Is it even possible to have a relationship where you're not constantly questioning your own and your partner's feelings?

I just wanted to vent because I don't have any friends IRL anymore and she was the only one who could handle me and now I fear that is gone too.