I am posting this on Mobile so I am sorry but for some reason lately I've been having horrid episodes. By lately I do not mean they are often, but as in my latest episodes.

It starts with a trigger of sorts, today's episode specifically was triggered by a Internet bully. He had threatened me and faked a profile of me. But anyways, it got to me. It really somehow got to me. 

I will skip the details of everything for my own privacy.

This sent me into a spiral I wasn't sure I'd get out of. I tried calling my boyfriend (around 50 times) there was no answer. (This incident was my because of him but he stabilizes me) after I realized that was a failure I tried my friend Joe, he was not aware of just how bad my episodes are and thankfully he talked to me through this, i kept thinking this was God trying to get revenge on me for my sins. That I was essentially in a purgatory that God was making me go through for the lies I've said my entire life. 

I believed that this was a punishment from him, that my boyfriends phone on silent was another punishment, he was forbidding me from being okay. 

This paranoia and schizophrenic manic who knows episode. They used to be textbook BPD but I'm predisposed for schizoaffective disorder. Is this normal, I'll answer any holes in comment 