I’ve never found a healthy coping mechanism that actually helped. Generally I’ll draw to think about something else, but it usually doesn’t work. I mean how do you think about anything else when the only thing on your mind is suicide/self hatred related? 

I’ve been depressed since high school and the only thing that has really helped me is weed. For a while that was my go-to when I’d have bad  anxiety attacks, but once I completely gave up and was convinced I was gonna kill myself, it became an everyday routine. Now that I need to save money, everyday is fucking hell because my body became so dependent on it. I just have constant frustration and anxiety from when I wake up til I go to sleep, and I have nothing to suppress those thoughts which causes me to shove everything down deep inside. 

And the part that really sucks is that whenever I try to explain it anyone, they blame all my depression and anxiety on weed even after I tell them I’ve been wanting to kill myself for the last 7 years and have only been smoking for the last 3. Then continue to lecture me on what weed does to you as if I’m not already well aware of the short and long term side affects. 

So if anyone has a healthier option for coping I’d love to try it out before I lose my gd mind