Im 17, im not sure how depression works. People have alot of different opnions or ideas of it but the most popular one I heard is that its diffcult for people to be happy and enjoy things (I would go more in detail but im just keeping it vague).I'm able to be happy aslong as I do stuff I enjoy but the stuff I use to cope kinda backslaps me, so like the want to be happy pulls me back because I over cope and don't face my problems. So it's just there waiting. Like it just the feeling is so overwhelming that I have to keep stepping back in just to feel happy again. I guess that's why I cope a alot, the chase to be happy in a terrible position. I can be happy when I do actives that make me happy but the moment it's gone I just fall through, like I dont feel a center or state of normal, I just feel really shitty. I'm in a really bad place in my life and I am trying to be better and I got help but it's all so overwhelming. Everything wasted.. My time, my opportunities and what I could have been. I'm not sure if this is normal or not. I just feel like shit, suicidal at times and I just wallow in the sadness of what I've become and what I am. The things I use to cope help me escape that feeling but in the end it's not helping me progress to be better, just makes me feel a bit of the happiness in a already shitty situation. When I had a talk with my psychiatrist he asked me questions about how I feel and made me write a questionary about depression which I marked about 80%, but I still have my doubts about it. Maybe because now I'm a little better than before but I'm not exactly sure, I still have my doubts. If you found the time to read this thank you and I apologize if I kept repeating certain stuff. Any advice or opnions?