Disclaimer: I'm incredibly bad a writing a post so I apologize in advance if what I'm about to say doesn't make a lot of sense.

&amp;#x200B;

I've been dealing with depression and social anxiety for the majority of my life now though I wasn't officially diagonosed with it till around July last year,

and honestly I don't even think I had admitted it to myself prior to that point. Since I got diagnosed I've been seeing a shrink on a weekly basis

but haven't gotten anything out of it and the meds have no effect, currently I'm waiting to be "willingly" forcefully institutionalized (meaning I could say no but then I'd be forced to).

I'm 25m and I'll turn 26 during my stay. I have no memories of my childhood and whenever I try to think about something or remember something it's like

I'm trying to see a tiny fishing boat far from shore with a weak light trough a dense fog.

I'm empty with a heavy feeling in my chest, most days I can't even get out of bed, I barely eat anymore and when I do I feel like I'm going to throw up.

Food has no taste and things I used to enjoy leaves me feeling empty.

&amp;#x200B;

I'm devoid of emotion, I respond to things said to me completely on reflex regardless of what it might be. I know how I'm supposed to respond in different

situations but it's never a genuine response, my life is empty I have no future goals and nothing in my life I enjoy doing. I can't take this anymore I'm

going to go trough with this treatment they've got planned for me, but if at the end of it nothing has changed for me (it's going to be a 1 month stay)

I'm ending it.

&amp;#x200B;

I can't remember when I became like this but if I had to guess it probably got to this point when I was 12 or 13.

&amp;#x200B;

Throw-away account btw.