I hate this. I'm done bursting out. I feel dying inside slowly. Getting rotten. I can't do anything about it. I'm so numb. It's not even painful anymore. I'm not desperate. It's just a bit sad feeling. I wish I wouldn't wake up. I don't want to die. I want to disappear.  My own existence is smothering me. I'm just so tired. I'm sorry for my partner. He says he's happy with me and loves me. But I was told that I manipulated people before several times. Is it true love or he is just gaslighted by me? Oh, dear... I don't even want to care. I'm sad.