So today hasn't been good. I get paid weekly and after a trigger I went and gambled every last penny within 15 minutes on an app. I do this to escape knowing full well how it'll end which is with me hating myself but at least feeling something. Does anyone else use this to self destruct? At the minute it feels like the 'sometimes you have to do something bad to stop you from doing something worse' approach for me but I know I can't go on like this.