PwBPD of a few years here. I’ve (24) been dating my partner (23) for a little over 2 years now. They are the healthiest relationship I’ve been in and they show nothing but care and a desire to learn when it comes to my BPD (they have been reading up on it and will have consensual talks about my experience living with it). 

I moved in very recently, and I think it may have exacerbated my symptoms. When I am in a relationship, there are two outcomes: you either break up, or you spend the rest of your life with them. I started projecting the idea of marriage on our relationship, as for a long time, I feel like marriage was the ultimate commitment to another person and felt like it would bring stability. I can tell that has been putting pressure on my partner, but I can’t even fathom the thought of not seeing them at the altar. Thinking about not having them in my life rips me up inside and I wouldn’t want to carry on if that were to happen. 

They respond to this by telling me they don’t see that for them; that they are still young and this is their longest relationship (and seemingly their first serious relationship, they’ve had partners in the past but it never made it past the 1-year mark). I just can’t help but feel like they just don’t see a future with me even when they reassure me that they love me and want to be with me.

Their responses have me split; someone that I’ve practically put on a pedestal has now got me feeling like I should jump ship. Despite all of this, I feel like I am going to scare them away. Am I wasting my time? Or am I just jumping the gun? And if so, what can I do to quell the wedding bells?