I’ve never been hospitalized or gone to the ER for mental health. I’m in a bad place right now and trying to ride it out. I don’t feel like getting into it but I’ve been dealing with work delaying and refusing to give me a reasonable accommodation for disability since May. Since then I’ve gotten the EEOC involved and have to speak to a lawyer in a week and a half. 

I’m also dealing with a currently undiagnosed autoimmune/inflammation health issue that has really decreased my quality of life. Then two days ago my boyfriend told me that he gets really tired out because I’ve spent hours each week talking to him about the legal thing and my health. It’s not that he doesn’t care. He’s just starting a new job soon and worries so much about me and hates that he can’t help so hearing me talk about it so much exhausts him. So that made me feel like I had no support system. 

I don’t want to burden anyone so I bottled it all up and tried to distract myself. Before I knew it I crashed hard into a depression. I feel the worst I’ve felt since 2019. Completely destabilized in two days. I think it had been building up and the dam finally broke.

I had some leftover lithium prescription from last year so I started taking it again and messaged my psych. It comes in waves. Like one minute I’ll feel like I’ll be okay and the next I’m back to being miserable and crying. Earlier I thought I might have to go to the hospital but it got mildly better so I didn’t go. I just really don’t want to go. Like I have so much to do at work this week and can’t miss work. I just don’t want to be locked up for who knows how long. Plus the cost omg. I’ve actually never been so idk how it actually is but those are my fears. 

I’m just trying really hard to ride this out and praying the lithium comes through by middle to end of next week 🤞 it was my miracle drug before and I need it now