I don't think anyone will really read this at 130 am, but I have to say it somewhere. I have severe depression every year. I was never officially diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder, or depression, and I'm not a doctor but, I get severely depressed every year starting around the end of fall, to spring. Since 2020, it's gotten much worse and I literally want to die. 

I have so much stuff going wrong in my life. I'm broken mentally, emotionally, financially, physically and I would give anything on earth to feel happiness. I was even suicidal here and there in the past. Luckily I never went through with it, but the thoughts have come back. I'm so screwed it isn't funny.