Idk what I'm doing in life, I lost my brother 3 years back n I'm the only one left for my parents. They're living only because of me. I've been in depression since 2½ years now. I've been taking anti depressents I had left my studies for a year n after starting to take medicines I had felt good but now Idk. It's all back. I have a demon in me saying not to do things. I'm not going to college. I live in India,(down south) so people(people whom I'm surrounded with) won't understand anything about depression or mental illness. Teachers scold for not being regular. They say i wouldn't succeed in life. I leave home to go to college but something just changes my mind. My mom thinks I go to college. But I won't. I have tried kill myself many a times. I've cut my hand many times. Went to a hill top to kill myself. Tried pushing myself to train track. Idk what I'm doing. I'll be happy someyimes and the thing is when I'm weak this demon takes over me. I don't want my mom to know that I'm still facing problems. She wouldn't live seeing me undergo same things. I don't want to disappoint my mom. She thinks I'm healing from all those things. I had went near clg but at the last min something just changed my mind. So I'm just sitting in a park typing these. I have so many people who care about me. But I don't want them to know abt my situation. 


So I'll give my life a chance. Just till tomorrow. Idk if anyone sees this or not but this will my suicide note. If I DIE TOMORROW.