When I was a teenager I  wanted to end it all and I feel guilty when I remember those times and how there were some good moments. Idk if my memories are mixed up (probably) but it just makes me feel shitty. I should only feel like shit thinking about those years, remembering feeling good some days make me feel like I don't deserve to talk about my experience or complain about those shitty times, it makes me think about how much i deserve to feel suicidal again