Maybe I’m just writing this because I’m currently in withdrawals from my medication. Don’t worry I’m at the doctors right now getting my prescription filled. Is it normal to think that I’m looking for attention, even though sometimes I want to ask the people around me for help? I’m always alone in my room when I have panic attacks though so how could I be looking for attention? 

I’m terrified to talk about how I feel because I don’t want to be stereotyped as the typical “sad girl” who is actually legit #depressed. There were girls who made fun of depression and at the same time claimed to have it a lot at my high school and I didn’t want to be like them. The fainting couch depressed woman. They probably had their own issues but using depression as an excuse for skipping school and smoking was fucking wrong. But I can’t tell my parents because they always just a cost me for not taking my medication. My ex would yell at me when I forgot to take it and slipped into an episode. Now I can’t tell my partner because what if he just gets angry at me. What if he just tells me I should be on top of this like my parents always do? 

Sometimes I feel like if I just cut myself or bite my hands a little I’ll give myself something to actually be upset about. There’s this little voice in my head saying “you think you have it bad now? I’ll give you something to cry about!” 

Is it normal to feel like I’m faking all this? I’m not faking this. I just want my family to take my condition seriously.