I apologize because this is probably going to be long and english isn't my first language so there will be mistakes. 

At the end of last week I went to the beach with my family. I was already feeling anxious because it was the first I would be able to go since the pandemic started. But I finally got the vaccine and I was sick of being stuck at home so I accepted to go. And then I got an ear infection! Health issues already put me on edge but this one really freaked me out because my dad lost his hearing in one ear at my age because of an ear infection.

On top of that I had to take antibiotics which I've always gotten weird side effects with. The first time I remember taking them I got stabbing pain in my abdomen and couldn't get up without wanting to cry. This time I didn't have as many physical symptoms but, for the lack of a better phrasing, I felt "dead inside". Like I was expecting to feel more anxious about the whole situation but I wasn't reacting at all. It took me a couple of days to realize something really wasn't right and I decided to read the side effects of the antibiotics. It turns out dissociation/feeling disconnected from your feelings is one of the possible (but rare) side effects. Why is it always me that gets the rare side effects? Is it more likely for me to get this one because of my anxiety?

Now I've finished taking the medication but I still have a ringing in my ear. I'm going to set up an appointment tomorrow because it's stressing me out so much. Like I'm feeling everything I didn't get to feel whilst on the meds and now my anxiety is two-fold. I couldn't sleep last night and have been dozing off and immediately jumping awake for the entirety of today. I'm writing this right now instead of sleeping. I'll try to get some sleep now but it will probably be a repeat of yesterday.