**Would love to have your advice. I have a flight tomorrow and sitting here in tears and panic, with no idea if I should take it or not.**

I live in another city , few hours flight away from my hometown. Last year my cousin announced his wedding date and sent us all invitations, it's in four days. I wanted to be there so booked my flight tickets and arranged my visit around the wedding (I normally go home 2-3 times a year) .

I've been struggling with my weight in the last years, juggling it up and down like crazy , and often found myself hiding from people I know back home in times where I was heavier.

When I got the invitation, I thought it will be the perfect time to go into diet, lose the weight and come to the wedding looking good and proud , and feel comfortable in my own skin.

But eventually — the opposite happened. Long story short and without giving excuses, I ended up **\*gaining\*** more weight instead of losing it.

I already took back control and started dieting again , but now it's too late. The flight is tomorrow and I have no idea what to do.

I feel terrible with how I look now, and the thought of seeing my entire extended family like this gives me anxiety. Many pictures will also be taken and placed on instagram etc, and this makes me even more scared and anxious. I spend the last days suffering and dreading the day of the flight. Without the wedding, I would take some time to get back to myself (mentally and with the weight) and push the flight for the summer.

However, I love my cousin, he is a good guy and I know he would be so happy to see me there (He even keeps texting me to ask who I want to sit next to etc) . Same for my parents, my presence there will make them happy. This will be a memory and time that cannot be returned and when I miss it I might regret and hurting him and them.

I'm sitting awake for the last three nights just trying to decide-should I choose the 'right thing' for my cousin and family, be the good person and fly there despite my personal struggle, or should I choose myself and my comfort / mood and cancel the flight and take time to improve myself quietly and without pressure?

**TLDR: I gained weight instead of losing it. Feeling super embarrassed and uncomfortable in my body. My cousin gets married and I don't know if I should still fly there even though it feels like a nightmare.**

Any advice will be highly appreciated.