My boyfriend almost broke up with me because I had an episode in the car and tried to leave and walk home in the middle of traffic. It was entirely my fault, I was instigating an argument and exhausting him mentally, but I couldn’t stop. I decided, again, that I need help.  I need dbt. But we plan on moving to another state soon so seeking therapy here isn’t really an option right now, so I’ve been seeking dbt resources to work on at home. Whenever I take something he says in a wrong way, whether or not it is valid or not for me to get upset about it (of course unless he’s literally disrespected me or something) I’ve been practicing being more mindful and writing down my thoughts and trying to rearrange them. Trying to not overthink his words and tone and simply try to quiet my mind. Sometimes I spiral a little more and realize that I’m wasting some of my days simply trying to calm my thoughts instead of doing something physically productive, like figure out what I’m doing with my life, but even then I should be gentle with myself and take my time. I’ve had bpd for about 10 years now and I’m finally working on my emotional instability within my romantic relationships. I don’t want to fuck this up. And I also owe it to myself to find happiness within myself. I can’t just seek healing for the sake of my relationship, because the most important relationship I can have is with myself. I guess I’m also just rearranging my thoughts in this post. I hope you’re all doing alright today. If something triggers you, write it down. Try your best to write at least a few positive things to yourself, even if it feels fake. 
Anyway, this writing has helped a lot and I’ve avoided so many pointless and tiring arguments just by doing this. I hope to keep up this habit even when I feel like writing it down will be pointless. Just keep going. Just keep going. 