Some Context: I have been struggling with diagnosed Generalized Anxiety Disorder for about ten years, however, it’s worsened recently in the last two years due to sexual abuse, death in the family, and conflict at home.

A year and a half ago, I began dating my now-boyfriend. He’s an amazing human being, and I really do love him with everything I have. Our relationship makes me a better person. He is twenty, and I am eighteen (We started dating when he was 19 and I was 17– our birthdays are coming up soon). Our relationship pushed me to get therapy for the abuse that occurred (previously my mother would not let me), though it’s been very inconsistent and isn’t very accessible given my current situation. He goes to college about three hours away from me, and we see each other every other weekend.

Currently: I’ve been having intense fears of loss. Usually, my relationship anxieties rotate around not being good enough for him or cheating, and I manage those pretty well, but this new one hit me really hard. We’ve talked extensively about having a future together long term— our goals, needs, passions, and life interests line up really well. I’m just worried that because of my trauma and anxiety it will all go away. All the memories, all the kindness and warmth and love... I’m legitimately terrified of it. 

I don’t want to constantly ask him if we’re “about to break up” or if he still loves me. I know he does, and our relationship is “rock solid” as he says. That doesn’t stop my anxiety from coming up with all sorts of ways the relationship could end though. I want those types of thoughts to stop. 

Some things I’m doing to manage this anxiety: Journaling, exercising, and keeping myself busy and productive with school. They help mitigate the effects but I can’t exercise 24/7, the journaling only works temporarily, and the thoughts often interrupt my school work.

[Note: I know I’m still young, and “young relationships don’t last”. I understand that is often the case, but this relationship has made me a better person and brings us both a lot of joy. I’m only posting to ask for advice on dealing with the anxiety surrounding it— but telling me it’s going to end/is meaningless because I’m young DOES NOT help].