This is my first post in this subreddit. I was diagnosed several years ago with BPD, but have never been treated for it. Part of that has to do with me already having to deal with panic disorder and depression. I take medication for them and have been a little hesitant to possibly add more medication to the ones I’m already taking, and on top of that I’m dealing with a lot of things in my personal life. I’ve really just tried to ignore the BPD ever since I was diagnosed, but the more I think about it, the more I realize it has played a huge part in my life and why I am currently in the situation I’m in.

Back to the topic. Me and my girlfriend broke up 2 months ago. Our relationship has been had been on very shaky ground in the months leading up to it. I honestly didn’t expect to feel the way I currently feel, especially a few months after the fact. All of a sudden I felt like complete shit about how I had treated her. Then I tried to work things out with her but she wasn’t interested anymore. Since then our “friendship” or whatever you wanna call it, has been  a roller coaster to say the least, and it’s really because of the way I’ve acted since then. There would be days (or hours) whee everything would be fine and we’d be friendly with each other, but then because of my constant mood swings I’d eventually get upset with her because she didn’t want to be with me. It’s basically at a point now where we do talk, but it’s on rare occasions now. Not long after the breakup, we had still said we were each other’s best friends, but because of my random mood swings, that is no longer the case. I don’t want to go into every little detail in this post because it is already very long, but it’s sucks. Partially too because we moved to Florida 2 years ago, and I’m not really a social person, so I literally have no friends down here other than her. I would’ve gone back home up north already, but because of the severity of my panic attacks, I can’t do that at the moment. So I feel kind of “trapped” for the time being. 

Part of this is just a long rant. Also to talk to people who also deal with BPD. It just really sucks not having any friends here, and the constant thoughts are just driving me insane.