and unfortunately ive trained myself to be able to not care and go numb because they do say terrible things. what sucks is for those who do say nice things their words just turn into dissipated mist. And suddenly i dont care so much that im ready to end it without a care in the world. i never asked to be strong through the toughest times i can barely even manage alone. and i mess everything up and block my blessings. the pain is always there no matter what i do. and if i avoid it it finds me. i get it thats life and being an “adult” you have to power through and be invincible and mature. but i never agreed to all that. and now my pain just simmers cuz i listened to everyone who told me i cant feel or else itll hurt people or i will hurt myself. and even if i do i still do that. whats the point. i dont really care if you feel sorry for me. or not. i just wanna leave. idk i feel like i always need to explain myself n this is my way of doing it before i go. explaining without explaining. goodbye