I’m struggling with identifying what is depression and what is just being a lazy sack of shit. The last five or so years for me have been working for a few months, then pretty long stretches of unemployment. I always quit. It’s because I either can’t get out of bed or because I can’t stop drinking. I understand I’m an alcoholic. I have difficulty stopping when it’s not chaotic, so I don’t even know what to do with that. 

I quit my job a couple of days ago because I just couldn’t get out of bed. Since then I’ve been ordering beer takeaway and drinking until I’m tired, waking up, then doing it again. I spend all the time I’m awake in my chair drinking and scrolling through my phone and/or watching YouTube. I can see myself making these terrible decisions but I either don’t care enough to stop, or I just can’t get myself to. 

I don’t really find any enjoyment in anything I’m doing and I’m really miserable. I think what I’m trying to ask is, is this depression or am I just being lazy? I didn’t like my job, but I’ve worked extended periods at jobs I hated because I realize a job is just a job and you have to make money to survive. I’ve had depression and anxiety most of my life, but that usually has me feeling sad and crying a lot, I’m not that way now. 

I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I’m really lost and just trying to reach out and see if anyone has gone through something similar or can shed some light on what’s happening with me.  Thanks for reading.