So I’m having a really hard time. I am a really snotty person. I recently picked up a drinking problem. When I get drunk I am really mean to my boyfriend and my family and his friends. I say nasty things and do stupid shit that I’m super embarrassed about. He loves me so much. So does my family. I lie a lot. I say awful things to him even when I’m sober. I’m fat. I don’t take care of my teeth. Of my body. The things I should do. I don’t know why I’m like this. I’ve seen multiple therapist. On the inside I really want to be this good healthy person. Sometimes I do good then just fall off and embarrass myself by going back to my old ways. I hurt the people I love and I don’t know why. Sorry this is a rant. That’s another thing I’m always sorry but my actions always say otherwise. I don’t know what to do. I want to crawl in a hole and reinvent myself to prove to everybody deep down I am a good person and I hate my actions and I’m really just sorry for everything I did and said to everyone. I hate myself.