Everyone's favorite game!

I was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and OCD as a child and kinda just vibed with that growing up. Definitely had some serious hardships such as not being able to sleep, suicide attempts, had mild hallucinations and played "pretend" too long. My therapists all figured it was just me coping with my difficult home life. You can actually find a few posts of my breakdowns on my reddit page lol. 

Tbh I've never been too stable but I've been able to be productive, keep jobs (so long as I am interested/low energy from me), and although my lifestyle wouldn't be considered healthy by many standards I still life a comfy life. I don't really have friends, and really only talk to immediate family but it's hardly ever something I initiate.

Since I have particular practices, I was diagnosed with ASD. I was content with that diagnosis and haven't really thought much on it. But recently I'm realizing I can at times just not make sense to others. I started thinking I may have BPD and I'm currently trying to seek help because although I haven't hallucinated in a while it is starting up again. To my immediate loved ones I am also becoming more irratic. 

I have been more paranoid and it's becoming more obvious, I'm afraid to ask those close to me about my behavior because I don't want them to think I'm sick. I don't want to lose my freedom and if they think I'm sick they're gonna take it away from me. 

My father had/has schizophrenia and I'm afraid to hurt those around him like he did before he got his diagnosis. I don't know how to proceed, or what questions to ask, and I'm lost. Any advice or personal stories that may guide me?