Sorry for the format, I’m on mobile. Also, English is not my first language so if I make any grammar or spelling mistakes please bear with me. 

Today I had an important presentation that I’ve prepared weeks in advance. It’s a Uni course I have to pass this semester so I seriously tried my best to work with the already complicated source. I was feeling alright but as soon as I went to the front of the class my mind went completely blank. I continuously stumbled over my own words, forgetting whole sentences that I so carefully prepared in advance and couldn’t talk properly for the life of me. To feel safer, I even wrote down a couple notes on two sheets of paper beforehand but I ended up reading off of it because I was so lost. 
What bothers me the most is the unpredictability of my anxiety. At times, I have no problem presenting in front of people, feeling little to almost no anxiety. On the other hand there’s times like today where the anxiety practically paralyzes me. And now I can’t stop thinking about how badly I messed up and how I made a fool of myself in front of the whole class and professor. Meanwhile, the intrusive thoughts that are always triggered by embarrassing events (mainly caused by my anxiety) make me want to scream or bang my head against the wall. Anything is better than to feel the shame apparently. 
The mere thought of attending this class next week absolutely terrifies me. 
I just had to get this off of my chest. I hope you have a wonderful day, stay healthy!