Know for a fact it's hopeless, wherever I go, whatever I try. I see a life I would want to live, vividly, it's so clear. I remember the reality of this disease and how completely hopeless it is, how the years I fought with nothing to lose have only taught me the extent of hopeless. If I kill myself a small amount of people will suffer, but if I try to live, it will be much much worse. It's still hard to believe with all the hype and money making, they have absolutely nothing to offer us. I'll be glad to be out of here.