I attempted to have this posted in r/eatingdisorders and am waiting but here goes...

TL;DR my mom, god love her, is making me worse, too fat, wanna die, can't stop my problems and idk what to do.(crap description but ok)

I am 26(f) btw, just to preface, and we supoort eachother financially so I cant leave even if i wanted to.

This is a mix of (potential ED?) and other things but I just can't handle this anymore.

My mother, is a fantastic mother, but I am morbidly obese (300+ lbs, been 200+ since high school) and she doesn't know how to cook for 2 people. Only a full family. Ever since my dad died she has only had myself and her. She has a PLETHORA of health issues and barely eats anything. I can cook, but don't often as it makes me feel gross or I end up making dinner for us, and she doesn't eat. (Or i cook like her and make enough for a family of 3 or 4)

I have an issue(s) of eating nothing until I feel like passing out, bored eating, stress eating, binge eating, depressed/emotional eating, purging after eating, all of the eating issues. I used to and sometimes still do, view food as a reward when I do certain things. Other times I use food as what it is, just to keep me from passing out and staying somewhat alive. Other times I just want to puke thinking about food.

99% of the time, nothing sounds good food wise and I feel sick thinking about eating. When I can eat, often times its unhealthy because of my stomach issues and eating healthy makes my stomach/bowel issues flare up. 

Anyway, this brings me to the issue my mom and I have. Example, tonight..she made fried chicken, homemade mashed potatoes and Brussel sprouts. The chicken pieces are HUGE(breasts) and i grabbed one, a bunch of sprouts and a fair amount of potatoes. I ate very little chicken , all of my potatoes and sprouts and shes giving me hell for not eating all of my food. Bare in minde these split chicken breasts are THE SIZE OF MY HEAD AT LEAST. I felt sick and full right when I started eating and about to vomit like 5 min before i stopped.

I told her, i need to stop eating when im full and she interrupted me mid sentence saying "i know what youre about to say, you always say it" and im upset and feel like i want to throw up everything and hurt myself (selfharm via the standard method y'all may be familiar with)

I straight up told her earlier, my health issues, mostly my weight, are stressing me out. I have an EMG on the 15th and i already know what they're gonna say. She says if it ends up involving surgery they wont operate cause im too fat. I cant lose weight. Ive tried. Every fucking way i can think of and it always comes back and then some. Also, you cant exercise like you want to when youre in too much pain to even walk.

I told her i legitimately will just kill myself if this continues because I cant handle it anymore. She tells me to shut the fuck up and i retort with she doesnt understand. She says she does she used to be 230lbs. Im like WHOOP DEE FUCKING DOO! IM OVER 300LBS AND 5FT 4.5IN IM GONNA DIE! Add that plus mental illness being untreated because i cant find something affordable and I have a full time job, no you DONT fucking understand and you're making it SO MUCH WORSE.


Anyway, thats a long winded summary of whats happening and rn i just want to throw up. Im so sick to my stomach.

Thanks for reading?