I often feel like, wow, this technique to emotionally regulate has really worked!

And then, maybe even the same day, I'll be experiencing very bad thoughts. 

My mind is like a prison where they let me out sometimes, and when I think I've escaped they're there with the hounds to lock me back up, and torture me for trying to escape.

I'm decompensating from the trigger of being ghosted 2 months ago. I've freaked a lot of people out. I've inspired a lot of hatred in other people toward me. So, being alone in my prison cell is something that, once a little more used to, has the benefit of avoiding the torture of when I try to escape.