My parents didnt yell at me, my brothers werent mean I had an alright time at home, I wouldnt say its amazing but it was nice and id say it was a good day. But for some reason I still am breaking down for no reason, im angry for no reason which im not normally angry, at least in the way im feeling it, its so internalized and deep that I cant even describe it. Normal anger shows through for me but now its so underwhelming its overwhelming me and I dont know why, like it feels like every emotion and no emotion at the same time and ive never felt this before, at least not recent enough for me to remember. I think its self hatred, maybe because I dont have anyone to be angry at other than myself. I hate damn near everything about me and feel so stupid for some of the things that ive done but normally I dont even think about it and redirect it onto those who make me feel bad at the time but now I feel bad and its nobodies fault but mine. 

Im tired of everything and just want it to stop but for some reason im still slightly optimistic about the future. Sure, I think ill end up a drug addict but I already am one and am going off current trends. Im 18 and the past 2 years of my life have been looking forward to being on my own and figuring out who I am thinking that being here is whats keeping me happy but in reality its just me maybe it will be a bit better but all the added responsibilities arent gonna help. Me being on my own wont change the fact that I can barely do shit for myself without being forced to do it, im horrible with substance abuse and probably be dead if it werent for living at home. 

TL;DR: Idk today was alright and nothing went wrong but yet ive still broken down feeling even worst and angrier than I was before because now there isnt even a reason. I