My life has become a relentless treading of constant responsibility.  What is an ocean to me seems like a puddle to most. I can barely stay afloat when the sea is calm, while most seem to splash right through. When a wave comes my way I am hopeless, easily overwhelmed. My obligations are quickly abandoned so I can keep from drowning.

My inability to consistently stay afloat fills me with insurmountable doubt in my ability to be a worthy partner. I am trying not to drown, it's reckless to pull anyone into that, I will only bring them down with me or end up abandoning them. Why drag someone I love down into this dark place, they'd be better off without me. They deserve someone who has the strength to pull them up to somewhere solid and stable. Somewhere where oceans seem like puddles. 

If only I was selfless enough to live accordingly. Instead, I'm dragging the most beautiful person I've ever met down with me. She is incredibly loving and empathetic, and has managed to pull me closer to land than anyone ever has. But when the waves come, they come hard, and they pull much harder. Like ocean carving stone, I see this grinding her down, eroding her sense of worth; why don't I just let go? I want to be the one to pull her up to splash through the puddles, but that takes effort, and all my effort is spent trying not to die. I had hope I could overcome and be the person she deserves, but this hope has turned to despair.

Why don't I just let go? Because I am selfish and I am scared. I know I will never find someone like her again. Once she is gone I will be treading alone forever, until I finally succumb. I only hope she can find someone as beautiful as her.