Because I just feel “negative” conversation bubbling inside about issues I have about being treated, or stuff being done behind my back, or even just everyday issues? 

I try to keep my mouth shut because I just feel it’s me being dramatic and I have no right to assert myself or risk the relationship even if I don’t feel I’m being respected or treated well... 


Is this part of the “frantic efforts to avoid abandonment”?   

I’m stressed out and unhappy and I get told that when I’m stressed, it makes them stressed and want to break up with me.   

I just feel so unimportant with my thoughts and feelings and can’t seem to express it in a way that isn’t taken as a attack or drama from my partner, and it’s wearing me out. I’m just beating dead horses all the time. 


Is poor communication a bpd thing or non bpd thing? 

I think I was more reserved in my 20s, but now in my early thirties I find it a constant urge to not keep my mouth shut and either can “overshare” or talk about emotions and idk, it isn’t received well.   Which sucks because In the beginning of this relationship in particular open and honest communication was awesome.  And now 2 years later, it just feels “dirty” and “wrong” to be open and honest.....

I feel damned if I do and damned if I don’t.... like the relationship has become a thing of comfort vs importance of the people (not to gatekeep, but mainly me, since it’s my issue) isn’t a thing so much. 

I just feel.... so disregarded...