I spent the last 12 days in a psych ward because I tried to kill myself, and I'll be honest, part of me was glad I didnt die because I realized all the stuff I would miss if I was gone. But another part of me wishes I would've. Now that I'm out, everyone is treating me so much differently than before and I dont like it. I do feel like being there helped some, but I still feel awful. I know recovery is a process and it takes will power to get better but God I just cant get these thoughts out of my head. Once I start DBT I know it will slowly get better and that's what's really keeping me going, but I'm scared these thoughts will overpower me again and I'll give into the impulses. I dont want to be hospitalized again so I'm terrified to talk about it, but not talking about it is what got me put in in the first place. All of this really sucks and I feel like nobody really understands.