Hello :) I’m 22, senior in college. I spend most of my days on my phone and just enough time studying to pass. I haven’t had friends nor a regular life for years, even before college. I’ve grown a lot in the past years, healing from childhood trauma, learning self-love, learning to feel emotions and not repress them, learning boundaries. But I still live a life of a loner, and the only people I talk to are either acquaintances or romantic/flirting/intense relationships it’s just me sharing too much because I’m desiring connection. I actually never have had the sort of life I should have, I never went out with friends as a young person (homeschooled and neglected) and so in a way I don’t know what I’m missing. But I’m  unhappy, even sometimes I flirt with the idea of TW s***cide when it all seems stupid and not worth it. I know I should try to make friends but it’s like I don’t even want to try, and I know that I’m actually afraid of that true lasting connection, afraid of someone having a hold on me, at least I feel that way. I’m seeing a therapist so hopefully the more time it will help. But how can I get over myself and be friendly on social situations? I’m at a very small community so it’s rather welcoming and a good place to make friends, though there is not anyone here that I share a lot with, but I don’t mind that I just want people to hang out out with , as long as they’re normal and chill. But when the opportunity comes up for me to start a convo or connect I usually shrink away. I guess any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.
TLDR: I’m antisocial and afraid/averse to friendships, advice?