How do you guys deal with the constant back and forth? I keep going from wanting to get better to wanting to watch my world burn while lighting the match. I am constantly contradicting myself. I don't stay in the moment long enough to allow myself to get better. I'll get in the right mindset, but by the time I'm ready to implement anything, I'm right back to wallowing in self pity. I'm sick of losing my mind, to get it back, to lose it again. It's like I have some sick desire for self destruction or something. I want to get better, I need to get better, I just can't seem to make that feeling stick. The only constant is that there is none. 