Slight TW: cutting

yeah, I'm pretty sure I have depression, like the real shit not im sad a couple days a week, like real depression. I realized it last night while reading. I was thinking that my brain seemed to have recently shut off and everything kinda just slowed down, and came to a stop. I also had a feeling of not knowing what to do with myself anymore, then I was like "shit I have depression." I then just sat there like "shit, I guess this is what it is now." I guess I just pushed myself to far, I've attempted SH thrice now(cutting), never got myself to break skin, and I've played a couple physiological horror games which started this all and are still slightly relevant to me. If anyone has any helpful words that would be really nice rn.