I have borderline personality disorder, depression, and anxiety. Yes, I go to therapy. Bad mix, definitely. My friend, who I'll be talking about, has similar problems.

Anyways, said friend and I used to be very, very close. To the point where I was able to say "I love you" to them (I can barely think the words for other people; its extremely difficult to open myself up to people). We would talk every day and spend at least one day a week together. She said before that I was her best friend, and I believed it, for once in my life. I had pretty strong feelings for her.

Anyways, she got into a relationship with another guy, and our friendship deteriorated as I felt like she didn't care about me anymore/ cared more about him (yes, I know that's rude of me to say directly, but I was extremely emotional at the time) and eventually he wouldn't let her see me or any of her friends and was watching everything she did on social media. Somehow, despite us constantly fighting, she continued to message me, and claimed she was never angry with me.

Anyways, recently, she and I met again coincidentally and a week later I found out she was moving out from her boyfriend's place and breaking up with him. That day we talked and we said we missed each other, and she said she wanted me to hang out with her once she had moved out. At the end of us hanging out, she gave me a hug, which meant a lot to me.

Now, she's moved out and I'm waiting for her to say when she wants to hang out, but I can barely keep all of my emotions in check. For one, she is friends again with her old best friend and I'm worried that, even if we become close again, she won't care about me as much. Secondly, I'm afraid of her abandoning me again because of a partner not wanting her around me. Thirdly, I'm concerned if we can become close again. I'm just a mess the past couple of days, waiting for her to let me know when we can hang out. I'm worried about her, as well, because she knew it would be difficult getting out of the relationship and she wanted time alone after moving out (which I understood and let her have, but still, I felt useless). 

I just want to mean something to her, and I don't feel like I do right now and don't know if I will mean anything to her again. I'm not sure if she still cares about me, and I'm not sure how to make sure we can be close again. Repressing all of my emotions when I'm around her seems like the best solution, but it's difficult to not feel upset when we used to be so close.

Anyways, any ideas on what to do? Thoughts on the situation? Thoughts on what she might think of me? How to make the situation better/ be close again? Any advice is appreciated.