I deal with homicidal ideation frequently. Today is extra bad. I’d probably check myself in today if that would actually change things. I will still be living with the biggest trigger known to man. And they’d probably mess my meds up. I get more services outside then inside anyways. But the thoughts are loud today. I’m bordering rage but keeping it together. I see my case manager in a couple hours. Just want this all to stop. I feel like a terrible human for these thoughts. And they plague me living in this environment. It may be worse then when I was living with my abusive ex wife. And I was in and out of the hospital then so much my head was spinning. They just upped my AP to hopefully help these thoughts a couple weeks ago. So far nada. I’ve almost reached the max on geodon. Only 20mg more til I cap out. Anyways, advice to stay strong? I’m here for at least another few months.