(I don't have anyone to tell how I feel, so I thought I might put it on here to see if anyone else relates. I wrote this in a tough time to help me release what I'm feeling). 

  

When you haven’t seen the sun in a while, you forget how good it feels on your face. You cast your mind back and think of all those blissful days, sun-drenched and carefree and wonder what happened. I forget what life was like before the cloud descended and blocked the light from reaching my soul. I walk outside and search for it, but I always seem to end up on the wrong side of town where there are only shadows. Other people walk these streets too, I see them, I know I am not alone, but if their hands reach for me, I can’t see them in the dark. 

I turned to the bottle to feel alive. I could soar above the clouds for a while, and it was blissful. Now every bottle is strapped to my wings, and I find it hard to leave the ground. I take tablets so I don’t miss the sun as much, but becoming used to the dark isn’t the same as not missing the sun. I think I could find a space to curl up here, and I could sleep. If you stand on the edge of the world, eventually the sun will rise, but it has been a long, long night and I can’t see the way through the dark. I know that maybe I have been living in the sun the whole time, and I’m blind to it. I know that others never got the same chance to live like I have. I know that one day my heart will stop, and the eternal night awaits.  

I still miss the feeling of the sun on my face all the same.  

I don’t know when or if this night will ever end, but I need to feel the sun on my face, at least one more time, just to know I never imagined it in the first place.