DiscLaimer I am not going to hurt myself or anyone else , I am trying to find words 

I  feel like I am losing a grip with reality. I am apathetic and fate is seemingg in evitable . Ar least , I am doing good with what I have . I have a friend and I'm letting her down everyday because I can't feel anything, I can't feel anything at all I want to be remembered but I don't want to lrt her down, I don't want her to leave me and I don't want to leave her ever . I, try to tell her this and she says I'm the only one who can fix myself. But I'm hopeless, I am a deadbeat and I have no future . I only wish I could, because her and Scattered around with some other people, I have care . I just wish It was real enough to really feel . I want a purpose . I try to say this to people, and they don't take it seriously they think I am joking . I'm not joking . I am a carbon copy of the worst pedson Ive ever met . He ruined my life and All , I love him so much I just can't be anything but him at my core I am him, and I miss him so much I hate a world without him because he is mysef . 

I wish I could have enouh talent to devote myself to a productive thing , i Wanted so bad I wantedto be a writer . I have 7000 words in the span of almost a year..... I'm shit . I wish I was a normal person how do I feel normal. I want that future everyone around me has . I think it and I see nothing just hopelessness and drug abuse and alcoholism . How th fuck do I hve to get out of this ? I'm fucking stuck, in my head here and no one is getting it . I'll be fine .