Years and years of therapy, meds, groups. 
Years of mistakes and wrong choices.
Years of ruining good opportunities.

I’ll be 26 this year.. and I don’t know where to go from here. Every time I make some progress, it all comes crashing down again.

A few months ago, I started lithium and olanzapine and they changed my life. I was FUNCTIONING, for once in my life. I’m as doing things I always said I was going to do, I was going above and beyond, I was even keeping my room clean. I was working steadily and honestly I was happy.
Then the physical side effects took over. I was losing a bunch of hair, gaining a bunch of weight, and feeling a bunch of aches and pains. 
I took my concerns to my doctor and he told me these physical side effects would likely get worse.
So... we switched. To lamictal and vraylar. 
Needless to say.. this has NOT been going well.
I could feel everything around me crumbling. My reality, my wellness, my relationships. 
I’ve been in a really bad depressive state for about the last 2 weeks, and I can feel the hypomanic creeping up on me. 
I’ll spare the details for now.
All I know is... it’s not good.
I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to hopefully sort some things out... but this is like an endless cycle for me. When can I just be GOOD for a while??