I can't make or form connections because of my mental. Relationships make me incredibly anxious. I did the dating that for like a little bit, and I was an emotional wreck during that -- constantly worried about making a good impression on top of dealing with depression, OCD, and suicidal ideation. 

I keep wanting to reach out to people but then I think, "Nope. Not healthy. It would be selfish to try to date someone when you're like this." On top of the fact that I'm not even sure I could handle it anyway. It's not even something I idolize anymore, not really. I may passively seek companionship in the sense that I find other people attractive, but the idea of, like, having to tread through all of the anxiety surrounding that makes me feel physically ill. 

I'm not unattractive either. If I wanted dates and made an active effort to get them, I'm sure I would be fine. It sounds stressful as hell though. Hanging out with people is cool for like a minute. But getting to know people for me just means I'll find reasons to worry about them -- about the way we interact -- about whether or not I'm doing right by them. I just have no energy. 

But I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure by not dating. I didn't date in high school, so my experience is minimal. I don't even know what to do in all honesty.