Like some of you guys here I too hate the holidays. For me Christmas always is a solo event. I put the decorations up myself I tell everyone what presents to get everyone else, my mam cooks but I do the wash up and the deserts. 

This year for done stupid reason I thought it would be different, I invited my dad and my brother to the city for some Christmas Eve shopping but my dad canceled and sent his gf to just collect me instead, he wasn't busy or anything just didn't want to hang out with me. Yesterday evening my brother's were at their friends my dad gone to whichever family it is now and my mam ignoring me for some reason that I'm sure made sense to her.

Today, I think about an hour and a half was spent as a family. My dad left, my brothers left my mam spent a bit of time with me but other than that I was alone...

I tried really hard this year to make sure everyone for something they liked.i tried really hard to get everyone together for a bit. I tried really hard to not feel alone, but I think it just made me feel even lonelier. My bf has a great family so he isn't texting me because he's spending his time with them.. I'm so jealous.. I want to feel loved like that. I want to feel that my family is interested in me and that they know I'm interested in them too. I really tried. I feel life an idiot.