I'm in my early 20s and have been dating a guy for 18 months now. We've been through a lot, but I love him, and I believe he love me

He's seen me at my worst. Self harm, high on a shit ton of drugs. He took care of me throughout it all. Held me during withdrawals, and I got clean mostly because of him.

But I know from experience everyone leaves. They use you for all you can, and spit you out and cut you out. I've had this happen numerous times.

I don't blame them. I'm a deeply traumatised person who self destructs. But it just reinforces my belief that I'm toxic and I don't deserve love or happiness.

Ive known all this time this relationship won't last. He'll get bored of me. He'll get sick of me. He'll leave like everyone else. Even my mother said the same. Nobody can bare me for long.

This is my longest relationship. And I know the longer it goes on, the harder it'll be.