It’s so awful, I never get like this with anyone else, family, friends. But him, I get so anxious to see him, I’m not sure if it’s nerves or “butterflies” but amplified by 100 but I can’t cope.

It’s so exhausting to see him. I panic the moment I wake up, when I get there it kinda dies down but I still can’t eat, so it stops us from going to restaurants because I can’t get away with not eating. 

I hardly see him, a couple times a year in fact. This is because we got together in 2019 and then the pandemic hit and yeah you all know what it did. 

The nausea kinda dies down when I’m at his house but it’s all I think about so it ruins it. I just don’t know what tf is going on, it’s driving me crazy.