I love my girlfriend. She made me feel real for the first time. I didn't have to lie to myself or anyone else. I felt normal. Like I was a functional member of society. My grades went up and everything. But she broke up with me because she cheated on me. I tried so hard to tell her to stay that I didn't care that we could work through it but she said she couldn't, that she felt feelings for this other guy. She told me she loved me. That she still loved me. But I'm so far away from where she lives. It makes me feel that it is my fault. That there was something he had better than me. I want to kill myself. I don't want to have to do this again and again or have to keep on going knowing that the one person I felt like I could love so much for making me a normal fucking human being didn't love me back enough to feel the same. I probably wont die. I have good friends. But I dont think I'll be happy for a long time.