Hello beauties!!! I am over 30 female just recently diagnosed. I’ve been in therapy on &amp; off my whole life. My mother has always downplayed any diagnosis I’ve ever had. Basically, I’ve always felt like I’m not ok, but any confirmation from drs or counselors was disregarded as “crap.” Shes always told me that she doesn’t know why I am the way I am, but never seems interested in helping fix it or being supportive of working to fix it. I’ve never been able to do well in school. I’ve never been able to hold a job or any type of relationship. After a grueling break up last year, I attempted suicide for the first time. I was quickly accepted into a state program. The help is minimal. I am prescribed medication which has helped tremendously, but there is no talk therapy or any additional assistance. Drugs are not the only thing I need. 11 years ago, I found out that all of my addictions &amp; negative behavior stemmed from the trauma I experienced as a child, &amp; obviously still experience today. I decided to focus on committing to facing the trauma through therapy &amp; hopefully lifting myself out of my own hell. I have not yet found a therapist to get down to the nitty gritty with me. I still have yet to find a therapist to do the work with. Today I have a session w a new therapist that is certified in CBT. She knew within 5 minutes of our conversation that I was BPD. She assured me that the work is painful &amp; involves going back to these memories. No other therapist has tried to take me back there. I’m very nervous. During a recent romantic partnership, my mate wanted to explore w BDSM. I’m always into trying new things. Especially growing sexually, as it is a serious trauma area for me. My partner at the time insisted that the roles were Daddy &amp; baby girl. I told him that I didn’t think it was a good idea for me to engage in that role play, as it is basically reliving my trauma (I still don’t remember everything.) I’m ashamed to say that I continued with the role playing. I’m ashamed to say that it screwed me up way more than I ever thought it could. I totally lost myself &amp; still don’t have my feet under me yet from this situation. I currently am single &amp; really don’t have any friends or support net at all. I’m terrified that without support, I will lose my head again. It’s very hard to live an adult life, raise children and care for myself when my brain is stuck in 8 year old capacity. It’s damn impossible. Any support, suggestions or comments would help. Thank you for this sub &amp; all of you trying to get better. All my love.