I’m listening to Carry On by the late great XXXTENTACION right now. Gorgeous song. Anyways, I feel the words at the top right of the cover art in my **bones**. “My heart broke beyond repair when I was 17.” That’s exactly how I feel. No combination of words could describe it better. Like my heart is broken beyond repair. I want to see a therapist, but therapists are human. They can try their best to help me, but there’s no guarantee they will. And if they can’t, then what… I’m not suicidal, and I’ll keep moving forward and trying to improve both myself and my life until my natural end. But I don’t want to. I just want the pain to end, although I’m not sure it ever will.