I'm 23. Basically a shut in at her parent's house. They essentially enable this behavior under the guise of me being "safe". Compared to the street, or the flophouse. Occasionally I will add a hopeful report that I was looking for a job, or at a college, but then the crushing nature of reality suffocates me again, causing the NEED for an abusable substance. Any will do, honestly. This bitch has been known to sniff glue when she runs out of vodka and crack. Like today. I have been less than 72 hours free of an over three week psych hold. The mission was simple. Go to WALMART and buy a phone card. I ended up on the wrong side of the tracks smoking hard with an elderly woman who just had heart surgery. Why. Why am I allowed to exist.

Oh yeah, I am diagnosed bpd, several times over. Bipolar too BUT THAT WAS STRIPPED FROM ME MY LAST PSYCH WARD "VISIT" AND I REALIZED IM CURSED WITH THIS AWFUL INCURABLE DEFICIENCY AT LEAST WHEN I WAS BIPOLAR I COULD PRETEND THAT MEDS WOULD HELP AND IT DOES GET BETTER BUT NO MORE HOPE FOR ME BECAUSE IM BORDERLINE HAHAHA