Basically what the title says I survived my first attempt, family thought I only did it for attention.

Said I don’t want to attend uni anymore because this major is making me miserable along with a situation I had with one of the professors.

I tried explaining how I’m not built for life how I don’t want solutions anymore and that I’m done trying, they tried telling me to just think positively and go to university or I won’t have a future.

I panicked too much I didn’t want to face that professor again so I said no, my mom said to never speak to her again if I don’t attend todays lecture. 

I told her I’m not going to, soon I decided to just attempt again so I went into my bathroom to try again my mom walked in and smacked me on the face pretty hard and kept beating me. 

I just took it without saying anything, now she went on a raid on my room to remove every medicine bottle I had I helped her. 

Anyways I dont know what to do from here, I really want to die they’re just constantly watching me now. 

I really wish I didn’t survive. 

This might be confusing to some but in my country/culture even if you’re legally an “adult” you continue to live with family until you’re married typically.