Earlier this year my ex/FP broke up with me after a 1.5 year long relationship while I was having an especially rough time in my life due to my verbally and physically abusive mother making every waking minute of my life an absolute nightmare. On top of this, my pet rat died the same day my ex broke up with me. My ex knew I was having an extremely rough time and that anything else was going to make me snap, but he just literally didn’t give a shit despite claiming that he felt totally guilty and also giving me $1000 “so I could spend it on something to make me happy”. I didn’t want the money, I wanted my boyfriend who I loved very very very much. The boyfriend who made me happy and gave me hope and who had promised to marry me and also promised me he wouldn’t leave me, even right up to the week he dumped me.  
I ended up having a massive panic attack when he broke up with me and I had to call a friend for several hours to talk me out of actually killing myself, and I feel bad because I think having to do that may have actually left my friend with some trauma. 
Later on I asked him why he had to break up with me then when he knew I was going through such a horrible time and literally why couldn’t he have waited even just a few days and his answer was just “oh you know I was just forced into doing it because you wanted me to buy tickets for you to come see me and I didn’t know if the relationship was gonna last that long”.
Yeah....dude you weren’t fucking forced. You could have broken up with me like two weeks before but instead like a piece of shit you sat there and lied for several weeks to me until you finally couldn’t anymore because I wanted to hurry up and book the tickets.

Another thing is that he said one of his reasons for breaking up with me is that I’m “evasive about my feelings” EVEN THOUGH HE WAS FAR MORE FUCKING EVASIVE ABOUT HIS FEELINGS THAN I EVER FUCKING WAS. THE ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP WAS BASICALLY A LIE. Another reason was “communication issues” and him claiming he can’t hold a conversation with me despite the fact he can’t hold a fucking conversation with anybody, and even though communication issues are something that can actually be worked on. In hindsight I think the reasons why he dumped me really just amount to “ewwwwwww for this relationship to work I’d have to put work into it rather than just throwing money at the problem and also compromising and growing as a person and that’s cringe”. 

Anyway he promised me as well when he broke up with me that he still really cares about me and he’ll support me in any way he can....except he didn’t. He would use literally any fucking excuse to get out of trying to support me, even as a friend. At one point I remember messaging him telling him that I felt bad and he was like “oh I have to go do things now” and then I just see him playing video games on Steam. When I was like “hey it’s a pretty shitty thing to just lie and say you have to do something only to be playing video games when one of your friends is suffering...” and he just responded with a shrug emoji. Eventually he basically admitted that our relationship had always been transactional and that he felt like he was putting “too much into me and not getting enough out”. 

Basically TLDR: my ex/FP was an absolutely callous self-absorbed prick who literally only gives a shit about himself and is rich and thinks that he can just throw money at all of his fucking problems and never put in any work. If he no longer has any use for someone he’ll just discard them, and also he’s extremely manipulative and loves making promises and saying things that make him look good although he never intends to keep them. 

So now the good news:

I now have two wonderful and extremely caring boyfriends (they know about each other and are basically best bros with each other too) who don’t believe that relationships are transactional, have dealt with me crying about my ex/FP more than they probably should, and who both know I have borderline and have done at least some research on the disorder and they’re patient and empathetic with me whenever I’m exhibiting symptoms, even when I’m exhibiting super scary symptoms such as wanting to self harm or trying to enact vengeance on my ex. They don’t like, enable me or anything though so much as they’re just smart enough to realize that punishing me for displaying symptoms doesn’t work.

One thing one of my boyfriends told me the other day that struck me in a good way was when I told him I was scared maybe someday he’d be my next FP and I’d idealize/devalue him. He said that he hopes that doesn’t happen, not just because it would suck for him but because it would also be really bad for my mental health as well. This struck me because whenever I talked about my BPD symptoms with shitty ex he always talked about how it hurt him and he didn’t really seem to want to acknowledge how it was also awful for me to experience. Like damn! Empathy for the shit I have to deal with! Holy shit! I have encouraged both of my partners to get therapists though so that I don’t become overwhelming to them. I can also actually have great conversations with both of my boyfriends too which has made me feel even better and made me realize that my exes complaint of “lol u suck at communicating” was bullshit. Also both of my bfs are cuddly big guys and it’s great. I look forward to where our relationship is going and I actually feel fairly secure that neither of them are going to just abandon me whenever I stop stroking their egos/giving them sex.