It’s been more than a year and I can’t get over this dude I met over a year ago. I can’t explain it but my feelings for him always end up coming back whenever I talk to him and it fucks me up. He taught me everything I know at work and we had some major sexual tension that I never addressed when he was training me. The only issue is he’s probably 15 years older than me, married, and has kids. But it’s weird because I’ve tried to date so many people since him and I always end up missing him and although I’ll never go through with it, I wonder if he feels the same. Part of me thinks I’ve distracted and detached myself from him so I can let us both move on. But everytime we have the opportunity to talk, I just still feel it there. I wish there was a way I could tell him how I feel without it ruining us being cordial to each other or me sounding creepy. But I think it’s one of those things that I have to say so I can let it go. Should I do it with no expectation of anything happening? 

I’ve told a lot of people (many of who know I have BPD) how I feel and they keep saying I don’t actually like him and I’m only stuck on him because he’s probably the only guy I can’t have or that it’s my BPD wanting him because he’s unattainable. But I tell him that they’re wrong because I wouldn’t be thinking about him now even though I try to ignore him at work. I would never try to try to ruin anyone’s marriage.. ever. I’m just impulsive and think he should eventually know. 

Positive feedback and/or constructive feedback welcome.