So I've been depressed as long as I can remember.  Basically hid it my entire life pretty successfully except a few times.  I've realized I've always felt empty and I've just been going through the motions of a person I think is acceptable. I don't think I have a soul or personality, just a bunch of things I do that I've concluded were what people would like in a person.  I have never had an affinity for anything in life really. Nothing has truly ever even interested me. I've pretended things have, but they really didn't. I'm slowly realizing I've just been acting like I'm all these things when in my actual brain there's nothing but a program running all the time to "be these things you decided other people would like"....  it's hard to describe but I'm empty.  Totally empty and always have been but have been able to pass as a normal person because my brain is always doing everything to please other humans into thinking I'm normal.  Any idea what (if anything) would fix me? It's getting really old and so am I and it's harder everyday to keep up my facade.  Starting to feel bad for my husband cause the cracks in my "person" are showing and I'm starting to stop attempting to fake the emotions because it's getting exhausting. With friends and strangers it's easy to put it on for amounts of time but I'm thinking he might notice soon if he hasn't already. Does anyone smarter than me know what I'm describing? I feel like there has to be more folks like me out there and maybe on here?  I'm just so tired of existing it's so much work to pretend I have a soul everyday.  Any magic pills that give you a soul/personality?