I hate noticing i’m starting/in a depressive episode because it just makes me feel even worse in a way. I like being in denial, i want to just push the feelings away and pretend like everything’s okay, and i can sometimes. but then i notice the brain fog, not being able to speak properly, the increased anxiety, the “i don’t care about anything” attitude, the insomnia. and then i can’t ignore it, i have to sit with myself and have shitty days, knowing that i can’t get help because no body takes how i feel seriously, the mental health system here is horrible (i’ve been waiting 2 years to see someone), the fact that i have to wake up and live the same lonely, anxiety riddled day over and over again. i just want to know what it feels like to be genuinely okay and happy