My adult sister with BPD has been living with my mother for a year or so, and I said I'd like to visit but that I would not be able to stay in the house.  I tried to talk around it but she's just like "what's your problem with me" I told her a few things including her inability to be honest ( I didn't say it so harsly), years of unstable behavior which she has never apologized or taken responsibility for (stealing money from my mother, bringing all kinds of strange men home when her daughter was young, starting fights, doing lots of drugs in front of her kids, duis).  She makes contradictory statements, and I have general trust issues with her.  She is not respectful of others feelings (aggressively taking pictures of people who are trying to talk and ask her to stop), staying up late at night and being very loud on the phone, talking to her cats at 4 am, etc.  Now of course she's totally shocked and pissed as hell at me.  She swears she has never not gotten along with anyone before.  I didn't tell her that everyone I can think in the family avoids her at all cost including her siblings, in laws and children.  She is literally the hardest person to get along with I have ever met and she genuinely not understand why.  And now she's pissed as hell and I can't come visit my mom at all.  I know she feels like I was mean to her, but she pushed me to tell her why and I tried my best to be vague and gentle. 