Everyday seems to be worse for me. I get that people have it worse like there are people who are homeless or on heavy drugs etc. I just thought at my age I’d be progressing but I’m not really. I’m trying to save a lot while I keep looking for work. I barely get interviews or my demeanor will cause them to look elsewhere. There was an apt available but I messed up and couldn’t get into my account to provide information on time so I’m still at home. I had an interview today but I forgot to fill out the application. It’s like my mind is so fucked up and used to missed opportunities that I just am used to it. I did get groceries today which I’m tired of doing. It’s hard with no car or license. People here look down on me and treat me like a loser, but I don’t like them anyways I just stay to myself. I’ve gained ab weight due to my past eating habits and bedridden state well not like chained to my bed but like I get tired from being out. I’ve cut out takeout and just cook at home from now on. I really just want to leave I hate being here and I’ll be 27 soon. There were some things I wanted to do but I just don’t feel right at all. I almost lost my virginity to someone I’ve been talking to online years ago but I found out the person was transphobic and since I’m a prude or whatever thought about seeing other people. There was another one I was talking to online who ended up being weird and said he would love to devirginize me. He eventually ghosted me anyways. I’ve never met up with anyone online. Also with everything going on in the world and how people have acted towards me or how I act towards them I’d rather be alone like it feels I’m destined for solitude and spinster life. I look forward to gathering a unique arrangement of cats and watching movies alone. The most I have going for me is my degrees and that I do mostly everything myself. My whole life feels like a cry for help. An urge to let go or let it destroy me.