I made a post here yesterday taking about how I felt that taking a break in my current(?) relationship was agonizing. Today's one of the harder days I've had.

It's been a month since it happened. I cried hard today. I may want to be with this person but at the same time I just want to let go because of the power that this situation is having over me.

I love this person. I love them deeply. But I don't know if they even feel remotely the same anymore. I still live with them and a lot of the time I just feel very alien in what's supposed to be my own home.

I'll express my feelings of wanting to get back together, in the future after we've had proper space. Sometimes they're reciprocated, sometimes they're not, and the times that they're not just wretch me inside.

It's also that, I'm always going to them about these thoughts. It's like talking to a NPC when it comes to the topic of "us". I can't imagine the ego boost it gives them- even if they swear it doesn't.

I'm trying so hard to challenge my black and white thinking, I really am. I'm reading more and more into it, and much more into DBT. I want to actually get proper therapy that isn't just a free 12 sessions done through my clinic but I won't be able to afford it after moving...

But with the black and white thinking, is there a grey area here, at all? Is there something between being filled with hope and desperately wanting to let go? I've never wanted to push this person away before, and I can't even say that I do now... I just want to stop feeling this way...