I’m divorcing and doing a lot of self reflection and trying to get help and have just realized my BPD tendencies confirm it was all my fault.  And that I’m to blame for my life falling apart.  I’ve totally screwed myself, and my family because I couldn’t keep my shit under control and keep my mouth shut.  It hasn’t always been this way, there were many years that I was fine.  But fuck why do I have to put myself through all this.  I must’ve put my wife through hell.  I said some stupid shit out of insecurity and even though I’m in the shape of my life, making my best money, and I’ve still been fucking miserable.  Why couldn’t I just be happy?  Why did I self sabotaged my relationship and actualized my worst fucking nightmare?