When I was about 5 years old, my parents got me a bunny, I remember being upset over how it was trying to crawl out of this hole in the fence and I remember my mom putting a metal mesh sheet window screen and one day it was still trying to get out and i remember but feeling nothing but intense anger, I got the bunny and hit its legs on a plastic chair that was in my backyard, i ended up breaking its leg and had blood all over my shirt, I remember thinking it was ketchup all over me. Im 19 now and i know it was wrong and my mom told me for years how it was wrong. I feel like it was just a mistake but why did i think that was okay to do when i was kid? I wish she had taken me to talk to someone about that incident but she never did. I went to therapy for the first time when i was 10-11yrs old because i drew stick figures with x marks on their face and nooses around their necks, i don’t remember why i drew it but at the time i was being abused by my moms boyfriend so i think that had a big part on how i was feeling as a kid. Anyways i never really went to a psychiatrist until i went to a psychiatric hospital at 15 yrs. Part of me wants to go get a diagnosis but also part of me feels like everything i think and feel isnt real and i lived a pretty normal life and im normal.