My partner tells me to stop crying and to be less emotional. When I tell him this makes things worse for me and I feel like I can’t talk to him, he becomes angry and says he has his own problems. We moved in together during COVID. I lost my job and have been unable to help pay rent. I’ve been looking for jobs nonstop but he talked me out of working at something like McDonald’s and said I should keep looking for a better job.
He’s starting to tap into his savings and feels stressed about what he can do to keep going without going broke. 
When he told me this I immediately began feeling anxious and told him I’ll do what it takes to get a job as soon as possible. He said I seemed like I was mad at him, but in reality I’m not mad he brought it up I just feel so useless and burdensome and I don’t know how to stay calm so I just seem standoffish. 
I told him I wasn’t upset with him and left to another area to kind of just cry and let it all out without bothering him. When I come back he says it’s bad I went to go cry and left him there. I told him I didn’t want to bother him with my crying since I know he doesn’t like it. 
He says I’m victimizing myself and I should actually not be crying at all as it’s futile since the problem still exists after. 
He says he doesn’t understand why I’m so emotional. I’ve tried telling him about BPD and to research is but he doesn’t aknowledge that and just says he knows everything he needs to. 
I’m going crazy I feel so alone. I hide that I live with my partner and that I lost my job from my parents and some of my friends because I don’t want them to make me go back home into the same household that messed me up. My dads always trying to make amends for being emotionally and physically abusice and he means well but he can’t fix what he’s done.
What sucks more is I come from a Pakistani family that expects me to marry who they say and stay with them throughout their entire life. 

TLDR 
I’m living an entirely shady and fake life. My parented isn’t being understanding and I feel like I have no one to go to and can’t afford a therapist let alone my living conditions, what do I do.