I cut off my sister on the first of the month. 

The beginning:

My name is Joey, and I'm a 27 year old non binary person. I grew up in a horrible situation, along with my mom and my younger sister. 

My dad was horribly, horribly abusive. He wasn't usually physically abusive to me and my sister (there are a few exceptions to this) but he would manipulate and gaslight us, and when I was 15, there was one awful night where I was forced to participate in sexual acts.

Luckily, my sister is AMAB, otherwise my dad may have forced the same sexual abuse on her. 

My mom got the same emotional abuse but also, there was a lot of physical abuse that was directed towards her.

She cared deeply for me and my sister but our dad would gaslight us both to think terrible things about our mother and she was not allowed to spend time with us except to essentially be my dad's slave. For example, she was forced to come on vacations with us but ONLY to be the driver for the car we rented. She was not permitted to participate in the fun activities or to spend time with me and my sister.

My dad would do the same with our friends, manipulating us into thinking they didn't care about us and turning us against them. 

When I was in middle school, I brought a few friends home, and my dad came up to my room about a half hour later, telling me that her mother had said something (either racist or sexual, I don't remember) and he forced the parents and my friends to leave.

The effects: 

All three of us have dealt with awful trauma after we got away from my dad. Someone told CPS and they took my sister and i into foster care while my dad ran away from the police, I was 15 at the time.

We haven't heard from him since, and my mom fought like hell to prove she was a fit parent and get us back from foster care. 

Luckily, me and my sister had a foster family that cared deeply about us and was super loving. We were only there for about 10 months and then my mom got us back.

After that, I spiraled downward to the point where I had to leave school and be on suicide watch. I would go to work with my mom every day. I was scared to be left alone.

Eventually my mom decided I needed some serious help because she was so worried about me. She found an in patient program where teens went to work on their issues. (I was 16)

I went to the program simply to appease my mom and for no other reason. I stayed there for the next 3 years and was hospitalized once for a couple days for suicidal tendencies.

However, after a while of being there, I realized it was actually working. The school program was amazing, I was really flourishing, and the work we were doing was making a difference. I was getting better. 

While I was there, I got given medication and was even diagnosed with aspergers syndrome. 

When i was a kid, my dad came to me and said, "Your mom thinks you're r****ded."

It turns out, my mom knew I had autism and my dad actively refused to get me tested!

Three years later, I was released home, where I was able to go back to school and complete it.

I continued to go to therapy until my therapist retired, then we found a new therapist. I've kind of been bouncing around therapists ever since, but I'm getting better everyday.

My sister, however, was not doing well. 

She actively refused to get help. Every single attempt my mom made was met with resistance. 

Living with my sister was hell on earth. She basically yelled at everyone constantly and about everything, slammed doors, and smoked weed all day. 

I guess it's better than she smoked cigarettes, though.

I live in Canada, where kids can be kicked out at age 16. The second my sister turned 16, she was out. She moved in with my cousin for a year, and it was an awesome year, all things considered. 

I was so relieved. 

Doing anything during the time my sister was living with us was very difficult.

I almost never uploaded to my YouTube channel because there was almost never a quiet moment.

I wrote. A LOT. It kept me sane due to living with my sister being such a hellish experience. 

After my sister moved out I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I was soooo happy. 

After about a year my mom allowed my sister to move back in ONLY IF she signed a contract and complied with the rules.

It didn't last long, however. My mom has never been very good at drawing lines in the sand when it comes to me and my sister, especially when it came to my sisters abuse.

She just took it and my sister just continued emotionally abusing us. My mom was having a hard time finding a balance.

At this time, I wasn't very confident and I couldn't say anything to my mom about it.

I wished so many times i had. 

Also, during this time, I was having nightmares about a man who tortured and killed me. His name was Harvey, and my sister would deliberately say his name, and/or the name of the restaurant named Harvey's just to upset me. 

Either way, we lived like this for several more years. When I turned 25, my mom announced that it was time for us all to move out. I was so relieved that I would finally be free of my sister!

My sister bounced around to friends houses and sometimes hotels while my mom invited me to move into her guest room while I looked for an apartment.

It was such a relaxing time! I had forgotten what it was like to have an uninterrupted day. I was emotionally exhausted from all those years living with my sister. 

The stress was palpable. 

My entire demeanor changed after living with my mom for a few days. I was clearly happier and less stressed. 

A few weeks went by and things were good, however, then my sister dropped a bomb. She asked me if I wanted to move in with her.

I said I had to think about it, and we hung out over the next few days. She was a completely different person. I was so happy that I had a sister again! 

My mom kept warning me against moving in with her, but her words fell on deaf ears. I had made my decision.

However, I should have listened. 

As soon as I signed the lease, my sister started acting terrible again, exactly the way she did when the three of us were living together. I think she manipulated me into getting a place with her. 

It was awful. She had a friend that came over almost every single day who seemed to keep her somewhat level. 

She treated me like garbage, though. Luckily for me, freedom was just around the corner.

I moved in with my sister in around October 2019, and in March, a certain virus hit.

Due to that, my mom let me move back in with her. I was soaring high!

It was such a relief to be living with my mom again. My sister was my torment and my mother was a safe haven.

I've been living with my mom for two years now, and we are currently looking for an apartment for me.

Why I cut my sister off:

Soon after I moved out, my sister's birthday arrived. I had just gotten a $600 cheque due to covid. I wanted to get my sister something special because of this. I bought her $100 in playstation gift cards. (She was a huge gamer at the time).

She was really happy, however, about a week or two later, she sent me and my mom a bunch of angry texts about some stupid cheese grater. Apparently, I had HER cheese grater, and she thought I knew it and bought her all those cards because I felt guilty. She also called me names and was calling me a piece of s*it and stuff like that. I blocked her, deleted her texts, and decided not to get her anything for Christmas if this was how she was going to be. (I did though).

I found out that she was gay and was dating her friend (they are both AMAB).

Some time went by. I texted her every once in a while just to let her know I loved her. 

Eventually 2021 rolled around, and my mom told me my sister was trans but that my sister wasn't allowed to know that I knew.

At the end of the summer, I was going crazy. I told my mom she needed to tell my sister that I knew. My mom texted her and let her know.

Time went by, and in September, I broke my arm. It sucked. A couple weeks after, though, she texted me and we started texting again and even talked on the phone. 

I visited her and her girlfriend (who are both AMAB mtf trans) over the Christmas holidays and spent two awesome days together!

On Jan 31 or Feb 1st I posted a story about how our relationship was much better now! My sister found out and started sending angry texts. And yeah, I messed up. I made a mistake, I admit.

I tried to apologize but my sister just said "Not fucking cool."

I was getting ready to just leave it alone and ignore her until she had time to calm down and talk it out like adults. Also, I didn't want to angry text. That wouldn't fix anything. It would just heat things up more, and that's no good for anyone.

Then i got another text from her.

I deleted the texts so I can't remember the exact words, but it was something about the fact that she has cut off herself from the family because my mom was manipulative and I was a psychopath (I think) who had no empathy.

Now, one of two things were happening. Either she really thought that way, in which case, why would she want to have a relationship with that kind of person? Or she was just saying mean things, which is a shitty thing to do just because I made a mistake. Which, by the way, i apologized for. If she's angry, that's fine, but that's no excuse for calling names and swearing at me.

She also said something like "This naive child act isnt fooling anyone" and I'm sitting there thinking "What naive child act? The act of realizing my mistakes and apologizing for them?"

Like, I recognized my mistake and apologized. Not sure what else I can do. Like, what does she expect, me to get in a time machine and go back in time?

Anyway, i should also mention at this point that when I saw my sister during the holidays, I apologized for what I'd done in the past. My sister didn't.

I didn't really care at the time. I just let me go because I thought our relationship was headed in a good direction and I didn't want anything to mess it up.

However, my sister keeps using excuses that she has trauma and anxiety or whatever every single time she messes up. She won't admit what she's done in the past and/or apologize for it.

She seems to think that she doesn't make mistakes, and she can use her anxiety/trauma/ptsd as an excuse so she doesn't have to take responsibility for her actions. 

After that text message I blocked her and deleted all the texts. I wondered how long I would have to leave her blocked for this time. But i slept on it and decided that this was it. It was over. She was no good for me and she was one of the toxic people that I needed to cut out of my life. 

I'd cut several people out my life at this point, including both of my ex boyfriends and a friend. 

I should add that my dad used to fly off the handle whenever we made one little mistake. Even when it was something that we fixed in some way (I can't think of how better to say it).

For example, I forgot to charge my phone the day before my dad wanted me to walk home by myself and he was going to call me and give me directions. I forgot to charge my phone, so I called my dad crying on the phone from the school phone. I got voicemail and he didn't pick up. 

I walked home all by myself and I was so proud! Unfortunately, my dad wasn't. He yelled at me. He made me write lines and grounded me, even though I had called him to let him know what had happened and walked home all by myself.

I wasn't proud of myself anymore.

Anyway my sister keeps doing the exact same thing.

I'm done with her forever. If she ever wants to apologize I will forgive her but I will never let her back in again.

I'm not posting this on a throwaway because:

1. I don't want it to be confidential and I want you all to know who it's coming from.

2. I want to know if my sister is keeping up with my reddit posts.

3. I want my sister to see this and know who it's coming from.

4. I'm hoping my sister will see this and get her s*it together. (Although I seriously doubt it).