PART 1: I haven't slept in 48 hours. I lied to my new fp and told her i went to bed. Im trying really hard to not say the i love you to her. I dont know what to do. She has bpd too. Im worried she will see this post and abandon me. Its been almost a day since she messaged me and im freaking out. How dp you slow yourself down when it comes to new fp's? Do i tell her she is my new fp?

PART 2: i have also been thinking of my ex a lot lately. I was doing good about not thinking about her. But now she's just on mine mind. I promised i wouldn't reach out to her till atleast September because she needed space and i had broken that boundarie 2 times.  I don't think i can make it to September. I regret all the the thoughtless words i said. I miss her, not the relationship. I'm holding a knife now thinking of cutting. It would be my second time ever doing it. Im so scared and heartbroken. Just texting my new fp feels like cheating. I hate it. I hate bpd. I just want to die. 

Looking for advice?