I’m not venting due to feeling sad or mad or anything like that. I feel almost robotic and it’s disrupting my life but I don’t have control over it. I have spent most of my life since I was 13 isolated. I would always go wherever I could be alone and I still do that now. I put my AirPods in when out in public to avoid having to interact with anyone or anything that I don’t have to. I do get lonely at time often so lonely that it almost feels maddening but I still willingly choose to isolate. I’m not mute. I’m not afraid of socialize. I’m actually pretty good at conversing in person but it just doesn’t intrigue me. And I don’t see the point in doing something I don’t enjoy doing unless it benefits me in any way. I feel physical attraction and get an urge to talk to the people I’m attracted to but all I can think is how if I do and it’s successful then I’m at the mercy of another person. I have this mindset with a lot of things. I refuse to do things that are I see as beneath me. Even when I don’t want to feel or think like this I can’t help it. It’s like I’m programmed to be like this. These thoughts occur and effect me whether or not I want them to. It’s not a voice like some people in my life believe it’s like a separate entity thinking with my mind any time I feel vulnerable. I want to overcome this. I would like to develop relationships with people and overcome all of which I have discussed but when I push to hard I almost lash out in a way sabotaging me and anyone around me with little care in the world. I push people away because I can’t help but view them as objects any advice? And yes I’ve seen a therapist and psychiatrist and they were no help