Hi all, I'm using an alt account because frankly I'm insecure about what I struggle with. Currently going through a rough breakup around some messy circumstances that perfectly ping my insecurities (self worth, being replaced, not being good enough, etc.). I've always struggled mentally and I figure now is as good a time as ever to try getting help. I just don't know where to start. I haven't seen a therapist in probably 4 years, and even then I don't think it was really help I was looking to get.

About me if it helps, I'm 21, male, he/him, I've never had a good relationship with my parents (growing up I was always told that I'm worthless and I'm never going to get anywhere in life). When I'm not seeing anyone, I feel like life doesn't really have purpose and I just feel like I'm on auto pilot just going with no goal. Like life is just kinda sedentary if that makes any sense? I'm uncomfortable talking about my feelings, around people (even my friends with a few exceptions) I cover it all up, sometimes I fake a God complex just because it's easier than going into the real story. I know I struggle with body dismorphia, anxiety, codependency (and thus jealousy), and depression. I never feel well rested and half the time call in late to work because I can't be motivated to get up. Sometimes sleeping is weird because it just feels like I'm trapped, just staring at the ceiling but can't move or do anything. I've never tried medication to treat anything, I can't smoke weed because of where I work (and whenever I try I get really paranoid anyways). I've never really thought that I had an eating disorder but I definitely either under or over eat when I'm in a bad mental place. Minor history with self harm and suicidal thoughts, but I haven't really thought about suicide for years now. 

I think if I continue down my same path, I'm never gonna find whatever it is I'm searching for. I really don't want to be this way, and I wish I could have a normal relationship with my family and a normal relationship with my partners. 

I really just don't know where to start. Therapist? Psychiatrist? Just someone to talk to? Anybody have recommendations in the Tempe area? I'm sorry if this isn't the place to ask this. Thanks in advance to whoever sees this, I appreciate it.