My mother has extreme anger issues. Every time she lashes out on us she always tells us that it should be understood because of her illness. I think its an excuse but she told me she’ll have an unhealthy heart if she doesn’t.

When she’s in a bad mood because of her problems I would immediately notice it. She would be the most sensitive with the way I talk, the way I look at her or by the way I move. 

And the biggest problem here is that I am a sensitive kid to lot of stuff. The words she threatened and told me off hunted me deeply. Many  things I can never forget that she told me is that she’ll run away with my little brother away from me and abandon me. She said she doesn’t care if I tell her that I’ve been thinking of sh and if I’ll do it. And that she always thought of me as a different and nasty kid, even though most of the time I do literally nothing.

The reason why I’m saying all this is because I usually cry my guts out and overwhelm myself but right now.. when she lashed out and hit me, I felt a little upset and sobbed for a few minutes but after that I didn’t relapse or say something stupid to myself. For some reason my head is still clear and I did not think of suicidal thoughts nor (TW) did I do bad things to myself as an aftermath way of coping. 

I just told myself that I’ll get through it and this is just an another average day and that I should stay positive for myself. Which is a very rare case for someone like me, a sensitive crybaby thats now fighting through her way of life (hopefully)! Just a mini celebration note here :), I’m fighting this alone for now but as I get through it I will do breathing exercises and read positive affirmations.