Long story short one of my friends made fun of someone’s stutter cause he wasn’t aware I stuttered. That night I started crying and I felt like anyone could talk behind my back and I didn’t know who I could truly trust. I felt crazy in that moment but after sleep, I was ok and I realize now I know who I can trust

But someone on my old post said this type of thinking made them become paranoid and eventually psychotic. This is my biggest fear so naturally I freaked out and was on the verge of a panic attack for about an hour. But this thought in of itself has almost completely vanished as I’m aware now I can tell by how people act around me how they’ll act when I’m not around, so while my anxiety is still trying to latch onto this thought to make me feel like I’m going crazy it’s not bothering me to much

This fear and thought has faded but this whole situation has made me wanna get ahold of my stutter and not be scared of it anymore. All my life I was afraid every time I stuttered I would be looked at funny or seen as weird. It’s so bad I devalued myself as a human, literally, I thought of myself as below everyone else. I’m learning that’s not the case but now that I’m trying to not care it’s so hard

My uncle is coming over for a cookout soon and I love talking to him, but I always tried to hide my stutter or not talk to much in front of non immediate family. So I’m worried if I try to accept myself and let myself stutter he’ll think I’m weird or think “what the heck is going on?”. Now I’m worried that everyone I talk to will think this way “I always thought this way but it was in the back of my head instead of a full fledge thought”. I started crying because I feel like I’ll always think people will only see me for the way I talk. And I’ll only be noticed for how I say things and not what I say

I realize stuttering does sound funny and sometimes I make myself laugh thinking of different scenarios and putting myself in the other persons situation. So I’m trying to figure out if I should let people laugh and laugh with them to show that I’m not defined by my stutter but it’s an aspect I don’t care that’s made fun of. I know that I’m actually trying to change my mindset I feel so lost cause idk how I should think

Since this came up from the whole reason of my friend and then that initial comment, does that mean I’m going crazy? Is it normal to focus this much on my stutter now that I’m actively trying to change my thought process? And am I going crazy or does this just sound like normal anxiety? I feel like everyone will make fun of me or think I’m weird but honestly, I think it’s just a reflection of how I see myself