About 2 years ago I started having problems with thinking my close friends hate me, and it's only gotten worse since then, it's getting harder and harder to believe they don't absolutely fucking despise me even though I know for a fact it's all just my mind making up bullshit, I constantly have to ask them for reassurance and it's starting to (understandably) annoy them. I feel like everything I do or say is constantly under scrutiny by them, that they only keep me around out of pity, and that they want nothing more than to cut me out of their lives, even though they've displayed multiple times that they enjoy their time around me greatly, and that they love me to death.

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It seems like no matter what I do, what I say, what they say, etc. I seemingly can't convince myself that they don't just want me gone. It's stressful and soul-crushing dealing with this shit because they all mean the world to me.