Does anyone have any recommendations of how to do this? 

For backstory, I have an incredible FP that I’ve realized I’m very toxic for. He has his own issues he’s working through and even though I’m in therapy and on Abilify, I’m still learning how to communicate my emotions effectively without exacerbating the issue. 

However, when I try to do this, he gets very defensive and resorts to proclaiming how awful of a person he is (a separate issue is that when he does this, he steam rolls the original reason I brought up my feelings and invalidates mine, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that I can only change my reaction to this). 

Basically, I need to back off, give him his space, and focus on me. The terrifying part of this is I feel if I don’t speak to him during this time, he’ll move on from me. I know this is a possibility I also need to realize and I’m trying different forms of distress tolerance when these thoughts come with overwhelming emotions. 

I’ve already taken the liberty of removing his number from my phone when we get into arguments like this to prevent me from randomly ruminating. I’d rather talk to him in person about my feelings, but he never wants to hang out and doesn’t answer my phone calls. Maybe someone could address this as well in the comments - I’m bad at taking hints and this is another issue I’m trying to wrap my brain around because he says one thing and does another often. 

One caveat...is we’re coworkers. We were decent friends before this year, I referred him to my job, and then I let my emotions get the better of me. Changing departments or seeking other employment is not an option for me as it’s my dream career and I’m in a position where I’m being considered for a decent promotion soon. 

If no ideas, I’d at the very most like empathy from anyone who has had a similar experience. 

Tl;dr I need suggestions of how to set healthy boundaries and if none, then a supportive person to hear me out. 