My ex and I are trying to work things out after I went into full persecutory psychosis. She got too scared of me and I didn't know I had schizophrenia at the time and had a huge conspiracy theory in my head about her and her friends, and I was awful to her. Abusive, even. Not that I knew that. I thought she was the one being abusive to me.

She's now back in my life and there is a lot of resentment there because she says that although my behaviour may have been the cause of schizophrenia, it still had the impact of abuse and that she can't handle it when I respond to my past behaviour by saying I was sick and had no control over my actions.

She seems to believe that the choices I made were in line with my values and so she can't make a disconnect between that and my schizophrenia and the reality is that what she's saying is not true. If I was aware that I was a P/S, I would have gotten help. If I was aware that my beliefs weren't real, I would have gotten help. But she can't seem to believe that and I have no idea how we will be able to move forward if she doesn't.

I have still taken full accountability for my actions and apologized a million times. I'm now medicated and in therapy and I'm not there anymore. Now that I know I have P/S, if I start having those thoughts, I can now differentiate them from reality and delusion. Even if sometimes it's a huge challenged to do so, because yes, I'm schizophrenic.

She keeps saying there are groups out here for me to get support but there are no groups for ex partners or partners of schizophrenics who were abusive. She says she feels invisible and that my schizophrenia is still being centred and not what she went through. She's not entirely wrong. I just don't know what I can do anymore to prove to someone that I had no control. She has a therapist that feeds her falsehoods about schizophrenia who says apparently we do have control and that I could be dangerous to her. It's mortifying to hear that a mental health care professional would ever say that to someone because it's that kind of stigma that kills us.

Anyway, sorry fot the rant. I'm just at my wits end trying to find ways to have people believe me and not say things like I used my mental illness as an excuse for bad behaviour. I lost so many friends and I honestly don't want to lose her. I just don't know what to do anymore.