I feel like everyone I know is where they belong, is with who they belong. They are where they want to be and good things seem to be happening to everyone around me except for me. The woman I love doesn't love me. I can't seem to find, nor keep a good job, something always ruins that. Maybe its me. All my friends have great girlfriends and relationships and I have no one. Frankly, I would have nothing to offer one if I did meet someone. I spend most of my time alone and just going through the motions. I still live at home even though I'm 38. I haven't been able to find a good job and support myself. All my friends have their own place and are living their lives and are content. I have nothing. I have no one. I can put on a good mask and be social and jovial and smile and pretend like I'm great but its only a mask. Deep down I am so lonely and so sad about my life and how its turned out. I wanted so much more for myself. I believe I am talented in certain areas but realistically I'm mediocre at best. I try to do the right things and I'm conscious about my health and yea maybe I could be doing more but sometimes I feel like... what's the point? It feels like every decision I've ever made has been the wrong one and I've managed to end up on a self-destructive path where I'm just stuck with no end in sight. The walls are closing in on me and sometimes it feels like I can't breathe. I know I'm a huge disappointment to my parents. They don't have to say it because I see it in their eyes. I avoid going to family birthdays and reunions just because I don't want to be seen and have people whispering about the loser son who never left home. Every time something good happens like 4 bad things follow. 1 step forward, 3 steps backwards. Maybe not everyone is meant for a nice happy life. You gotta have those who live in the darkness of it all. Maybe that's me. Maybe that's my fate.

idk I'm rambling. Does anyone else feel this way?