I write this as I pace around my room, slowly going insane from anxiety, depression, isolation, etc...

I feel like I've done so much irreversable damage to my life.

I'm 28, I live at home with my ma, I have no job, smoke 3+ packs of cigarettes a day, don't exercise, don't do much of anything anymore except sleep, pace around my room, and smoke.

All of my life I've never taken good care of my health. I moved away from home for a couple years that were actually the happiest years of my life...I ended up getting into meth and ended up getting fired from my job (unrelated, sort of) and moved back home. I burned so many bridges while I was away from home and I'm ashamed of it. 

My teeth are absolutely fucked, I have extreme health anxiety regarding that and other things, and I am overwhelmed.

I don't feel like me anymore. I used to enjoy so many things, especially playing games on my computer, but I haven't even turned it on today. Everything about my body feels wrong.

I just feel hopeless, like I'm too far gone to fix any of it. Realistically I know that's not true, but I don't know where or how to start. I feel like anything I want to do I can't because I'm too broke to do so and I feel like I can't get a job because I don't feel physically well enough. Everything just kinda hurts and I have no will to do anything.

I've considered checking myself into a mental hospital, but I don't feel like they'd take me seriously or like it's not a serious enough reason.

Thanks for reading, 

- a depressed leech on the world.