 I haven't been in my right mind in a while now. Every time I start to feel bad I just think about my fp and how I want to tell him all the awful things I've been thinking. He's been my fp for about 6 months and I just constantly think about letting BPD take over and just saying everything. It's not okay for me to tell him he's my fp. It's not okay for me to tell him how I spend my whole day thinking about him and how I remember all of his words and how I jump every time he speaks, how I love how passionate he is about so many things, and how I love and hate the way he makes me feel. We don't actually talk much. It's actually been a couple of months since I accidentally cut off contact in a blind rage, but I still see him around and he's friends with my brother so I'm never really too far away from him. I don't really want him to know how I feel, but sometimes I'm convinced.