 The past 2 weeks have been stressful. Our landlord suddenly gave us a "take it or leave it" get out of jail free deal after we had our pay but in over half and couldn't keep paying rent. She said "If you leave by this date we'll forgive the debt" (we're being legally responsible). This will be the 3rd year in a row i move in the spring on rough terms. This is felt like a breaking point while im barely keeping it together already. Apparently i've been putting a lot of that frustration in my wife's direction and didn't know it. Tonight she told me and that was the most emotion pain i've felt in a long time. But i feel ok. I sat in our bed and took time to myself to think and trying to really break down that what im doing ISN'T ok but that i know i can be ok. I still feel like i was right. I still feel like i was in the right and that i didn't do that. But i also know that that's also my brain. That fucking hurts that i know my brain will lie and i know i'll hurt people i love. But if i give into that i'll just keep doing it. I know i *can* be the me i think i am if i can do this. I feel like the pain in this is pushing me forward for the first time in my life instead of back down into the spiral. I'll be ok for her. I can do this