I’m a 20 year old female and I just don’t want to be here anymore. 2022 has been the worst year for me. I had a miscarriage back in May. That resulted in my relationship with my boyfriend to be very very rocky for months after that. Around that time as well I started going to a cosmetology school. The class was around seven weeks from 8 AM till 3:30 PM. That was what I wanted to do for my career for years. I’ve taken multiple classes in the past just to prepare me for that next step. My problem was that when I wanted to do those classes I was also working a job from 11am to 8pm. I had to leave that job which resulted in me being jobless but in school. My parents were supportive enough to help me through that seven weeks for my career. I did the classes but when the test came around I failed which means I couldn’t get my certificate. That was back in July.. ever since then I have been trying to get a retest but it has been so difficult to just hear back from them. My parents tell me that I might as well just give up on my career and work at McDonald’s. I’ve been so stressed because I went from working constantly and being able to put my part in but I can’t now and I get told shit for it. Now my boyfriend got a job doing welding. He works full-time but the relationship has not gotten better. He tells me things all the time about how I’m jobless, I “tell him shit” well he’s at work because I’m bored. I love him.. just the things that he says. But that’s for another story. I don’t tell him anything while he’s at work. He calls me at 2AM when he gets to work and we talking till he can go in. I am halfway asleep at 2AM so there is no reason to pick a fight but he calls me all these ugly names and when I tell him to apologize or what he said was wrong that’s what he means by “ me telling him shit“. When I was going through a miscarriage I was emotionally a wreck. His mom was there supporting me but recently I just found out that she talks about me when I’m not around. She thought I was on the phone with my boyfriend and made a comment about me. That made me feel more alone because I don’t have that mother daughter loving relationship with my own mom. I thought we could’ve been close but she was being fake to me. I don’t want to make friends around me because everyone around me is succeeding in life and I’m just here. I get it told you by my parents, my boyfriend thinks that “I need help because I have something wrong with my head mentally“. I don’t want to kill myself but this has been so so so hard. I’m so tired. Everything about this message is all over the place sorry