Hey, my nickname is Joshua, actually this is the one I use online, because I don't really like my name that much. I took it from my favorite cartoon, Adventure Time (Joshua is Jake's father).

My real name is actually Tommaso, Tommaso Santamaria I have OCD, I'm from Italy and my dream is to become a software or game developer. 

Im 16 and in the recent 4 years I've been struggling with depression, it seems like from when my dog died (4 years ago) things started all going down, I've seen her dying in front of my eyes, and that probably caused me traumas or something.

Anyway, I don't really bother the people reading... So things have actually gotten pretty good during this summer, I really liked hanging out with my friend and I really liked meeting new people.   
I actually got a girlfriend, her name is Irene, she's my everything and I really lover her and she really loves me, and it's a really good relationship we have! She helps me whenever I need it and she's always there for me.

Things got worse again when school started.  
It all seemed to run very good, until I don't know what happened but I got pretty depressed again. It is probably for my grades, I don't really want to study anymore I have no motivation and I just like going to the gym or hanging out with my friends /gf.

Having not motivation for studying my grades are not really that good, and that causes my parents to ground me, and that makes me very depressed and suicidal. I'm probably very weak minded at this point for wanting to kms because of my parents grounding me, but I really can't take it anymore, I'm tired of being grounded and I'm tired of living with my parents and being yelled at for anything. So yeah I would say the main reason for this is school, I really started to hate school and everything related it. I don't like the subjects, I don't like the professors, I only like the classmates tbh.

I'm pretty scared of killing myself because I'm scared of feeling pain and you know... dying, but I don't really find any solutions for this. I'm not even sad anymore, just tired of being tired. It's not that I don't wanna live, I like living, living is cool, but I don't wanna live the life I'm living.

So... Thank you all for your attention, I really hope I'm gonna get help and I hope I'll find someone who feels like me.

I don't really care about anything anymore, so here are my social medias in case someone wanna have a talk or something:  
IG: dev\_\_doomer  
DS: j o s h u a# 5172

\- Joshua