Usually I would post things like this on a burner, but I really don’t care anymore.
Like the title said, i ended things with my FP today. I had to pick up a few things and get my name off our lease. I couldn’t stop crying, i had time to prepare myself but as soon as I saw him and just started to bawl my eyes out. I just kept talking and talking, he didn’t have much to say. His eyes looked dead, it hurt a lot. 
I wonder how long this “longing” will last. I ended things on my own terms yet i’m still grabbing for something that isn’t even there. I didn’t care if we were in a relationship, i just wanted him around even though he hurt me and left me with deep insecurities to heal from.
I hope this passes soon, but i don’t want to rush anything, it’s just really hard to keep feeling like this without being self destructive.