If this is life I just know it’s going to be miserable for me and it isnt fair. I wish I didn’t have a predisposed bias to absolutely hate myself and think Im always predetermined to fail. Im sick of waking up and only fantasizing ways to kill myself. Im sick of looking at my “progress” over the years but really I’ve just been stagnant. It makes me want to give up everything but I am not suicidal enough to kill myself. I dont have the mental strength to actually do something lethal to my body. But why am I even trying? The future just seems so dull and not worth living but for some reason my curiosity of the future keeps me going I guess