(Sorry if this is all over the place. My mind is just moving too fast for me right now)

I’m just tired. I’m in a job that I hate, school is just killing me mentally, and I feel like I have no time to enjoy with my friends. 

I’ve been waiting for over a week to enjoy some time online with my friends by playing some games and just having a good time, buts if it’s not one thing, it’s another. My fiancée gets upset because she doesn’t like going to sleep alone, I get home too late from work, I have school assignments, and then the one time I do have time, I get to play for maybe five minutes and then my ISP has a total outage in my area and I honestly broke down in tears and my fiancée had to comfort me. I know it’s a dumb thing to get upset about but I just want to enjoy time to myself or with friends by just hanging out or playing games. 

I feel like I’ve been neglectful since I haven’t been able to give them as much time as I wanted to. One of my closest friends just recently got married and I was a groomsman, and honestly the month of the wedding was probably the most time I’ve spent with them in almost a year. Not just with friends, but with my family too. I hardly see my mom anymore and it honestly kills me. I’ve been trying to make time for them, but it’s hard because I feel like I have to spread myself so thin just to try and not feel neglectful anymore. 

To top it off, my job just absolutely doesn’t care about us no matter how much they say “frontline first” or whatever. Ever since the pandemic “ended”, I haven’t been able to take any meaningful time off, I can’t take a day for my mental health without being berated about getting someone to cover my shift, I’m constantly harassed by customers, and it’s gotten to the point where I’m crying as I get ready to go and as I’m driving there. 

I’m just so incredibly burnt out that I feel like I can’t enjoy anything anymore and it’s getting to the point where I’m considering an attempt on my own life again. The depression is constantly eating at me and I don’t know how to make this sinking feeling stop. I feel like I’m constantly drowning and there’s nothing in sight.