

hello friends. 
I’ve recently hit a low point, and I’d like to seek any sort of guidance as to what may potentially be dysfunctional in my brain. From what I’ve experienced, I feel I’m bipolar to some extent. For those who have lived with this disorder, I ask your council.
Physically, I’m sixteen, male, I weigh 167 pounds, and I am 6’1 feet. I also partake in heavy drug use, but my ‘symptoms’ were felt before I partook in any substance.
My maternal grandmother is a diagnosed type-1 bipolar.
My mother used oxycodone for at-least a month while I was in the womb, before she realised she was pregnant. 

The mental faucet is much more difficult to list in a coherent manner due to the more esoteric nature of such things. I will try and speak objectively about such things as to keep them comprehensible.

My IQ was 132 when I was 11.

I experience, ‘Stimming’, which involves me getting lost in a stimulating train of thought or video game, raising my arms, and locking up. I have a considerable degree of control over this now, though it was slightly difficult to control when I was younger. 

I have a very difficult time focusing on things I lack an inherent passion for.

When faced with schoolwork, I often am more than capable of resolving such things, but when fronted with these tasks I have a tendency to blankly stare at the work in-front of me, regardless of the tasks urgency.

I find myself awkward in social situations with people I am both unfamiliar with and/or uncomfortable with. 
However, when around friends, I find myself hyper-aware of their mannerisms, tone of speech, texting style, &amp; how they reflect on that given persons mood.

Now onto the more difficult to explain stuff,

I experience cyclical periods of uplifted &amp; depressive moods, which is what lead me to suspect I may be bipolar in the first place.
The uplifted phase typically lasts around 3 months, during this time I seldom struggle with new social situations, I am more prone to act on desires &amp; fantasies, I tend to feel more awake, I find myself experiencing auditory &amp; visual hallucinations, i am much more present-oriented, and I am much more self centred.
With the hallucinations, they are typically voices embodying sub-conscious stereotypes of whatever they are suggesting.
And regarding the self centred aspect, I typically act more in interest of myself &amp; my own benefit. I don’t really lose empathy for others, or disregard people when I act, but I am much less generous.
I’m also much more confident in myself &amp; my appearance.
The depressive state lasts much longer than the uplifted one. In that time, I feel completely hopeless. Everything that once brought me pleasure feels incredibly dull. 
Some days are worse than others, with the worst leaving me bedridden. Normally, I’m able to function &amp; mask my feelings. It’s during this time that I dive into substance abuse much more severely. 
Now, onto the psychosis. 
I don’t know if it’s an appropriate term for such an event, as I never completely lose touch with myself, and mentally I remain somewhat lucid.
These episodes are characterised by rampant &amp; extreme hallucination, particularly auditory. 
They seem to occur regardless of my mental ‘phase’, though it does have an effect on how these episodes evolve.
When I’m uplifted, I’m much more resilient to the innate fear the hallucinations cause, and I feel much more secure during an episode despite the circumstance.
When I’m depressed, the innate fear that’s caused is much more volatile, and I typically cave to instinct more. I also recall much more violent thoughts under these conditions as well.  I also find myself more prone to what I feel are delusions during this time. I call them this because regardless of the absurdity of their nature, I always feel that they’re real, though I’m still able to act on my better judgment to determine they’re not. 


Anyways, my minds growing tired as of writing this. Obviously, self-diagnoses isn’t an appropriate course of action, wherefore I do not claim to lie under any particular mental disorder. All I deliver here are my personal experiences &amp; facts.
To whomever decides to read &amp; offer some guidance, I thank you.