i don't deserve the few friends i have. i have done nothing to warrant anyone being nice to me at all, let alone anything to warrant having some really amazing people look out for me. someone who used to be my lifeline doesn't want to remember that i exist. i am pulling them all down and making them miserable. suicide would objectively be acting in the interest of the people i love. their lives would all be happier and easier if i was dead. my parents wouldn't have to pay for meds and therapists and doctors and fight with teachers and listen to my bullshit on top of it all. my friends shouldn't have to keep dealing with me accidentally treating them like therapists and checking on me to make sure i make it to school the next day. if i actually cared about the people i loved and wasn't such a fucking coward than i would've killed myself a long time ago.