I dont recognise myself, or anything that has happened in my past. I know whats happened but they seem like memories of someone else rather than me. I feel like my head was rapidly expanding and it isnt me in my brain. Ive never recognised myself or intrusive thoughts that i’ve had. I want to be a good person. I dont feel okay. I’ve been persuing help for as long as i can remember. I am under review for BPD, Bipolar and PTSD. I have always been too sensitive too emotional, or i dont feel anything at all. It makes me think do i convince myself I have emotions and actually I have none at all? 

It just doesnt feel like im alive. Or I feel like the only person alive. I have dreams of my trauma but just not how it happened at all. My friends and family don’t feel like my friends and family theyre just people. It’s just me in here on my own. I was 8 when I first realised I wanted to die. I’ve just never quite been right. I’m aware this all makes no sense and is extremely incoherent but I’ve never posted like this before. 

My life is okay. Everything outside is great. I’m happy with the way things are but I cant repair whats on the inside I dont know how to live like this. Its almost as if I’m alone in a room with my brain who is someone else and I convince myself theres an outside world I live in.

Someone please help me?