I really don't know what's going on with me. I try my hardest to be this big positive light in people's lives. I say I'm fine but I'm probably not and just fooling myself most of the time. 

I just don't get it, I have a wonderful boyfriend who I live with. A family that is questionable but I love them dearly. Maybe I'm just feeling so unfulfilled. 

I feel like I don't belong anywhere most days. Like I truly don't have any friends. I moved from one city to another across the country to be with the man I love. Now, I'm just sad a lot of the times. I'm so homesick and I feel like I'm stuck where I am. 

With how my life is going I feel like I'm stuck working a dead end job where I have to beg for a raise while the new person is getting paid what my raise should be and I've been there longer. I can't even afford to help pay any decent amount of rent that I feel like my bf has that to hold over my head if I ever decide to complain about anything... (he doesn't really but it's come up once and I've never been able to forget that moment).

I feel useless, helpless and stupid. I'm in school and it just feels like I have no ambition or drive at all. I really wish it was just easy to disappear without it being viewed as a selfish act... I really never asked to be me and yet here I am. Struggling so hard and really not knowing where to go. 

I feel like my bf would be so much better off without me in his life. I feel that way about everyone in my life. Like me not existing would make no difference. I just want it to be over... the pain and the suffering. The feeling that even though I have all these people around me, I'm still so alone.