(Sorry for miss spelling)

Hello I’m 14 years old and I’m done with life 
Growing up I was SA by my dad from the ages of 6-9 and on top of him doing that he also would and still calls me all type of names such as slut, whore, bitch he always says “you’re going to grow up to be a slut like your mother”He always makes sexual jokes about me and my other siblings But a lot more about me I live with my mom who is now so good either She took me out of in person school and stuck me in an online school program so that now I am taking care of my 3 year old sister and 4 year old nephew while my sister and mom work Mon-Fri for 8+ hrs And every Saturday for 4+ hrs so my mom and step dad can go on dates I know she doesn’t like me because I catch her giving me dirty looks and rolling her eyes whenever I try  to talk or sit next to her She used to leave to Scotland every major holiday and practically every other month for 2 weeks To see her ex husband Who is not or was not able to come over to the USA Me and my siblings and dad used to live at my grandparents house and sometimes we were so broke we only had rice and beans cause that’s all that was affordable My mom would sell the food stamps money we would get for drugs My dad is now “half blind” not certain because he always makes stuff up but he lives at my grandparents house (my moms parents) rent free he doesn’t pay for a single thing he has no job because the last 3 jobs he has had they fired him because he was accused of SA clients or workers there My mom constantly reminds me that he fucked up everyone’s life and that he doesn’t love of my brothers and me Because my 3 older sister and younger sister have different dads My mom reminds me how I’m not good enough and how I’m useless I am not smart I am barley making it by in school There was a point in life were I was like a zombie on auto pilot not carrying or anything I wish I was there again I used to cut myself so I can cry because sometimes I felt sad and angry but for some reason couldn’t cry Sometimes I wish I had a father who loved and cared for me and I wish I had a mom who also loved and cared for me You’d think that would be a given in life you know Truthfully I don’t wanna die but I don’t wanna leave like this