Opinion me

Bit of context: I have Mental and chronic physical illness 

I told my boyfriend days into seeing him ‘I can’t date people with BPD’  now, with all that said in the context, I say the same about ANY untreated mental illness. Agree or disagree that’s not the bit I’m after. 

After me placing my boundaries down, explaining my own ailments and making it clear that people with BPD trigger the fuck out of me and I don’t have the energy to give because I’m really sick. He lied to me, armed with this new information he figured out what to lie about and by Christ, lie he did. 

So now I’m 2 years on, in a relationship with a man who has severe BPD made worse by the drug use he told me nothing about. So yes, he’s admitted he’s certain he has the condition breaking down in tears but also goes full circle and all of a sudden ‘what the fuck are you talking about I don’t have BPD’ 

He’s a 10/10 BPD full on losing his mind about nearly everything. There are many things that make people with BPD hard work to date (when they have received NO treatment) but I really can’t wrap my head around the splitting. He will literally get into a super intense argument with me and make me sob and flashback and he doesn’t care! As long as he gets his way and then a few days later we will argue again and his opinion has gone from black to white??? He will change his opinion entirely. 

Or he’ll get really REALLY upset if someone mentions to him that he misspoke whether it be me, a stranger or his best mate he loses his marbles. The last time I pointed out that he misspoke and the only time, I’m too scared to ever let him know again lol (by one word and it REALLY did not matter)  he told me I was gaslighting him and being manipulative I nearly choked on my drink when he said it. He decided he was sleeping on the floor and that I was toxic and blah blah blah *the sound of splitting* he made me apologise to him and explained to me exactly WHY I should just agree with him and he should have it his way. 


Unfortunately it’s not the first time, if we argue I’ve noticed a pattern of him saying whatever he can in desperate attempts to control and manipulate but because I’m the woman I get the blame ??? Even though, all things considered I am pretty stable in my own view of myself and I am a person who is very upfront but I feel like I’m having to appease him all the time to stop him from splitting at me. He only wants me when I can’t cater to him and it does my head it and then when I am able to he deliberately causes a fight right before we go out so he can play video games instead?? 

This is the part where you all tell me to dump him right? I can’t. I love him and despite the lies I don’t think he’s a bad person. There’s a difference between being manipulated by a narcissist and someone with BPD treating you like that. The narcissist does these things to you because they enjoy it, other people’s misery is the soul juice they feed off. A person with BPD does it really out of self hatred 🤷‍♀️ they do it because they think you’ll abandon them anyway and they don’t think they are worth loving.  My boyfriend has a kind heart and he’s funny and has many other lovely qualities and I love him but I don’t love his condition, not one bit. It’s basically the way people view over dramatised DID :’) you’re dealing with 2 different people the angry splitting hurting version and then who he really is.  

With all that being said though I have still been lied to and I have concerns and feel stuck. I think it’s quite common of someone dating a person with bpd to feel this way, the only way I can describe it is that I have all these bright red trip wires around me and if I move I’m going to tread on a wire and he’s going to go mad. 

I need advice on how to sit him down and say to him ‘this is too much’ with him going ‘okay then FINE that’s it we’ll break up’ and doing THAT thing (I’m sure some of you can relate) I don’t know how to live with all this though because if I even suggest that seeing a therapist could help him he makes up an excuse (time, money, other priorities etc) and if I say ‘I’ll pay for it, You do have time really if you weren’t always at the pub or computer’ I’m basically THE DEVIL. 

Is there a way for me to improve the relationship without him losing his mind? Even if he just cut down on the weed, it would help but it’s such a sensitive topic. 

I accidentally broke a switch controller when he was at work, offered to pay for it etc and that was fine and he told me not to worry etc but if I say ‘hey ripping cones from 7am to 12pm is maybe not the best for you’ I’m every evil word under the sun.