Last attempt was 2016. Been in and out of therapy and consistently on medication. DBT, CBT, pharmaceuticals, naturopathic routes, I’ve tried it. I’ve made lots of progress I’ll admit. But this past week I feel so fucked up and alone, I feel like I’ll never be fully functional adult or person and I’m just too fucking tired of trying so hard.
Idk who to turn to, my relationship with my parents isn’t great right now, my brother will run to my mother if I talk to him and my boyfriend has his own shit to deal with. I don’t think anyone even knows how seriously not okay I am. I can’t talk to my therapist because my last hospitalization was traumatic and left me more suicidal than I started, just with more unwanted supervision.
Idk what I even want to get out of this...I guess I just wanted to someone to know. I’m sitting in front of a razor and a bottle of pills and as much as I know the people in my life would shower me with affection if they knew I wanted to die, I just wish someone cared to care about me before I hurt myself instead of after. As fucking selfish as that mindset is.