I'm tired, I'm lost.  
I'm 26, live alone, yea I have 2 friends, I have a mother and a brother, they live pretty far away from me,  
they can't understand my struggle and when I try to talk about it they won't agree to get into this and either change subject or just straight up telling me to not talk to them when I feel bad. I know I have negative thoughts which might sound toxic, I'm not a bad person, I just deeply suffer and am lonely as fuck.  
Panic attacks, non-stop anxiety every day, working at a boring ass job where I'm alone all day, making enough to pay the bills and that's about it, going back to my home where I'm alone, I have weird hobbies and can't see how to do anything.

I feel like a damn cog that gets rusty every day passing by, I don't feel stronger, I feel like I'm not myself, and that I can't manage to find a way out, the competition to get a better job is hard and anyway my self-esteem is a joke.  


I know it's a common thought, but I just want to disappear, sell everything I own, and buy a 1 ticket airplane to somewhere. But It's not like I can just go and live in America or the EU, I'm from the middle east and can't do shit with this passport.

I WANT TO FEEL ALIVE  
I WANT TO FEEL WORTHY  
I WANT TO FEEL  NECESSARY  
I WANT TO FEEL IMPORTANT  


My life is tiring, I'm losing my mind.