Possible trigger warnings

I got diagnosed recently and I would like to see if anyone can relate to some of my experiences, if you wouldn’t mind indulging me.

Things started getting really rough around age 17, in 2008. My parents divorced and I broke up with my first girlfriend. I went downhill rapidly, with drug use, paranoia, conspiracies, delusions and dissociation. 

I refused to get help, and really refused to grow up, I basically white knuckled it until recently, resulting in chronic stress and fatigue.

I was afraid to reconnect with my dad, which would’ve been best for me at the time, and endured a lot of abuse at the hands of my sister and mother. 

Essentially I am left reeling with wasting 14 years of my life. My brain is now constantly stuck in the past and with what could’ve been. I talk to myself constantly with imaginary scenarios of what could’ve been.

Sorry if the formatting is poor I’m in a really low place.