How am I supposed to live my life and enjoy it when I'm always worrying about getting old and dying!??? (among a multitude of other things) I'm freaking TERRIFIED of the idea of being extremely old and weak and dying alone in my house or wherever I will be living and my body just  r o t s  there. Also every night as I'm trying to sleep I get hit with dread knowing I'm going to die one day and not knowing what will happen after is SO scary. My body full on shakes and I sweat and can't breathe it is horrendous.

I also worry about the inbetween things like one day I might be married and have a kid. This would mean I'd have to do everything I'm anxious about with them. Take them to school? Stress. Deal with all of their health problems and appointments? Stress. Teach them driving skills? Im going to die. Speak up for them when they can't? I can hardly order food for myself. I want a kid one day but there's so much more anxiety I'd have to bear. If I never have a kid that takes me back to being old like who's going to take care of me when I'm old? I won't even have a family to love and be loved by since my parents would be dead.

And then there's the job aspect of things. I kept having freaking panic attacks at my last job and I'd be so tired from puking my guts out before leaving for work I'd just call in sick. Now I'm out of a job and have to get a new one which I'm going to be miserable at since everything I can do is customer service or retail since I only have a high school diploma AND I'M FXCKING ANXIOUS ALL THE TIME. 

Every aspect of life gives me SO MUCH anxiety I can't even write everything here. Sometimes I even get anxiety when I'm about to call my own mother on the phone.

Does anyone else relate to me?