SO BEFORE READING THIS POST MOST OF YOU WILL GET UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS  AND I AM NOT DOING IT FOR ATTENTION .
 I have depression and it started way back from childhood trama where everyone expected high things from me if i failed thier expectation they would taunt me for rest of my life as you know being a 5 year old , that was a lot of pressure , i was just barely managed to rise above their expectations everything went down for me after 6 standard my teacher my friends excluding you and some other hated me saw me as a monster a person filled with dirty behaviour and saw me as a phychpathic maniac . I don't know how but the people who put forward these fake thoughts of me became a reality it changed me mentally and physically i became grumpy ,angry , selfish, a sadist to escape from my misery. i would kill insects rats and even cats  to sooth my anger i would burn them alive , their screams makes me happy as i think " they will know how i will feel " after some years i hold back my dark side but my parents make it hard they think i don't have emotions so they beat me with ( a stick a cricket bat a light tube that cut my leg ) as you know as they are my parents i cannot do anything so i would start to hurt myself cutting my arm with Razer and not sleeping as a punishment for myself for being a stupid human being later those days i start to hear voices in my head forcing me to do terrible things ,hate towards humans as i didn't saw myself as one then i started seeing illusion of people getting nightmares nothing ever worked neither going to the temple nor being respectful towards God but the time i try to sleep i see self reflected demons as i sleep i cannot move i cannot speak i am unable to think as the dream the demon shows me are the parallel reality that happens if i choose an other response as this makes me tired as i grow more insecure i start to think everything evryone stating to hate me as i  am unable to grasp reality to even this day i would kill a child a women a man a old person just so i could end this miserable reality . Please help me
And i think torture is better than killing because they have to know Pain before they die like cutting their fingers and feeding them thier waste killing thier friend their loved ones in front of them if the person is a lady , raping them slowly peeling of their skin and dumping them on a salt pit or burning thier childern alive