I’m going to start by telling my story in case it rings true for anyone.

When I was 21 my friend group abandoned me, purposely left me out. I was at university with no friends and no one to talk to. I used to spend days not talking to anyone. The world always seemed grey and there was this buzzing soundlessness everywhere.

Everyone seemed robotic after a while. I started to have difficulty making eye contact, which was painful to me. I couldn’t even talk to people anymore without blushing awkwardly. By the end of university I was isolated, alone, socially inept, awkward, and self isolating. Human contact made me feel pain.

In the summers I got a job. I was noticing strange things happening, lights reacting to my presence. I started to write my own theories about what was going on around me. I developed this idea, this way of altering the outcome of events using my mind alone. I thought I could control the rain.

I drove my car off a major highway and almost died.

I drove across my country and stayed in the winter in a cottage my family owned, it was dilapidated. I wrote a sci fi novel.

When I was finished writing the novel, I drove home. I started hearing reviewers thoughts about my book. I started to experience embarrassment. So I deleted the book.

I went to get my second degree. In first year, I started to experience, multiple levels of communication. People could hear my thoughts. I was referred to the early intervention program for psychosis. They put me on zyprexa. 

I spoke at a conference on education and mental health with two others with diagnoses. I continued writing theories in my spare time.

I drove my car off a bridge and almost died.

I went to school the next day covered in blood; everyone thought I was crazy. 

I went for a semester abroad. Believed I had powers. Could deepen my voice at will. Could sever the thoughts of others by grounding. I acted crazy and drank too much. Emotional rollercoaster. 

I graduated. I still didn’t have any friends. But human contact wasn’t as painful as it once was. Off and on I had religious delusions, believed I was Jesus or a superhero. Kept writing theories.

Met my wife on a dating site; looked like a serial killer in the photo/not sure why she dated me. Got married, graduated. Got a job. Job went poorly, apparently I made too many mistakes. Moved away. Wife got pregnant. Son born disabled. Started own business. Got divorced. Business failed. Went off meds, got engaged, hospitalized, fiancée leaves country. Ex wife cuts off access to son. Drove taxi for 2 years. Moved away for new job. 

Work at new job four years, meet woman, get engaged, break up when she hits me, get restraining order. Meet current partner, married, four kids, start poly relationship. Move in. Move out. Break up. Get back together. Break up.

Looking for like minded.

The end