This is kind of just a venting post. I haven’t had the motivation to do anything over the past 3 weeks. I’ve been actively sober for two weeks today, because I wanted to see if the alcohol/drugs had any effect on why I’ve been in a rough mood lately, and all that has done is show me that the only thing most my friends and myself had in common was drinking or doing drugs, and those aren’t particular friends I want..

it’d be nice to have a close friend I can share things with, but everyone gets exhausted with me, because art is all I do, and all that I talk about. Today I wrote a short screenplay for a song I wrote, and of all the friends I showed it to, only one person bothered to not leave me on read (ha, puns). 

I have four days off of work and I don’t have the motivation to do anything. I work at a restaurant, and out of sheer boredom I went in to said restaurant to eat some food. Only 3 coworkers bothered to stop any talk with me, and my two “closest friends” were both working behind the bar, maybe 10 feet away from me, and didn’t bother to pay anything more than a glance at me. 

Idk, I’ve been heavily suicidal again.. I don’t want to die I just want to feel happy doing things. hanging out with people, not being cooped up in my small studio apartment alone. I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t have the energy to do anything, and I feel like time spent not at work, not making money, is just wasted time.