Okay, hi, I’m new here. I joined bc I feel like i need an outlet and people that understand. I have a therapist, but I feel bad telling her my issues bc I don’t want to burden her and cause her to not like me. I’m also worried about sounding whiny or dramatic on the internet. But I’m desperately needing validation.

I’ve been talking to this girl since December, we had a small falling out in April for about maybe 3 months, checked in on each other every now and then but didn’t really talk. In august we started talking again and got closer than we were before. She lives in another state btw, so we haven’t seen each other which makes it harder bc I think she can leave me without feeling bad. She constantly says she thinks I’m amazing and perfect and so sweet and kind and I have never been like mutually loved before and so it’s scary to me. But the past week has been strange. Of course I pick up on the smallest changes in tone (even through text) and changes in like anything. She stopped calling me baby. I was like okay, maybe it’s not a big deal, but I had a breakdown about it anyway. Then she stopped saying “I love you” before bed... or even saying anything before bed. Now for the past couple of days she’s been super absent. She’s told me she’s going through a lot of stress and is overwhelmed, sorry if she’s absent. And I know she’s going through a lot, it’s horrible and I feel terrible I just wish I could help. But so many things have been going through my mind. One of our mutual acquaintances moved to her town and they’ve hung out a couple times. She really “loves her spirit and she is so sweet” so of course I automatically think she likes this other girl more than me and is going to stop talking to me because now she has her and she has her IN PERSON and I can’t be there for her in person right now even tho I desperately want to be. I keep wondering if I did something. What could I have said or done. Did I come off too strong, did I freak her out? I thought everything was mutual how did she manage to dislike me overnight after telling me how “great” I was the night before. I’m so confused and I have absolutely no friends so I can’t talk to anyone or gain any advice. I’m in a constant state of anxiety and I just feel like... something bad is going to happen. Idk how to explain that feeling, but it’s like very paranoid, i know something bad is coming I just don’t know when. I get surges of adrenaline when I think about it and I just want to fucking lose it, but I have a roommate so I try my hardest to maintain composure. My roommate also has an extremely stressful life. I don’t know. I feel like I should just stop talking to her, stop replying bc I don’t want to be the one that’s left. AGAIN. But then I think, what if she’s upset and feels alone? What if she needs someone? So I send her funny videos and I tell her she doesn’t have to reply, I just wanted her to have them. Idk I have really bad relationship anxiety, I’m surprised I even stayed when i found out things were mutual. But then again I always feel like she’s lying to me.

I am so sorry, my brain is all over the place and I can’t focus on one thing I hope this makes even a little sense. I appreciate anyone who reads this at all, it means so much to me