I honestly just want to disappear.
I've fucked almost every friendship this year.
I've fucked every relationship this year by being overly impulsive.
Due to lack of friendships currently, I feel like I don't have a personality. All of the personalities I've sculpted for them are worthless now and I don't know who am i.
Also like, substance abuse is fun when you're destroying memories, but when you need to talk about them with your therapist suddenly you get a panic attack and the worst fucking mood swings ever.
This year has been rough for everyone so I feel like I can't vent to anyone. So many times instead of venting I've gotten drunk on the bathroom floor whilst cutting and punching the walls until there's blood. So today instead of self-abusive behaviour, I decided to vent here.