i feel like i have been getting better since my bpd diagnosis but my boyfriend says i’m letting my bpd “get in the way of our relationship” 

he said it was a hassle for him to come see me (since i don’t have a car) and i got upset at the idea of him being annoyed by me and being a burden and it spiralled into a bad panic attack and a bunch of awful thoughts, but only lasted 8-10 minutes. 

i want to explain that I’m doing better but most of my healing has been in my head so he probably thinks i’m just trying to excuse myself when i say “I’m sorry for doing this, i am trying to do better”

i don’t want to message him right now because we just got off the phone and i know he needs space and i want to give it to him i just feel awful right now and i wont be able to sleep. i am thinking of apologizing again tomorrow. i love him a lot and this is the first time in a while that we have had an issue.