There’s not really much point to this post besides vent, I feel so lost and idk how I even got here. 

I’m about to turn 25 in a month and I have nothing going for me. Quit my job and lost insurance. I’m trying to apply for new insurance but I’m so anxious everyday about getting sick and not having insurance. I feel mentally drained and physically unhealthy. I don’t have any interests and have no real hobbies. I have friends but I can’t stand being around them because they’re all well adjusted adults. I’m jealous of them and feel like I have nothing to contribute to the friendships. I have no romantic relationship and feel doomed about ever finding love. 

I want to change but I feel so frozen in time and space. I want to cry but nothing even comes out I’m just numb. I just want to disappear. I don’t know who I am anymore and I’m afraid of finding out who I want to be. I have no hope for myself. I hate myself. There’s nothing I’m proud of. Nothing makes me happy or even content. I have no skills professionally or otherwise. I have no personality. I’m like a black void of anxiety. Everything makes me afraid and anxious. I don’t want to burden anyone anymore I’m just bad at life I think. 

I only have one family member and we’re really not close. I feel so alone in this world. I hate myself so much. 25 and have nothing going for myself, no career no interests no boyfriend no great friend group. If I wasn’t such a coward I would just end my life. 

Everyday I wake up and wait for the day to end so I can go back to sleep.