I made a horrible mistake going on a subreddit for people who are dating or have dated someone with bdp and now I feel like shit and a horrible  wife and partner and wonder if my husband would be better off without me. And if I deserve to be punished for all the things those people say I do and I don't even know im doing it. I suffer in silence and don't want to hurt anyone... but then I read that and know I do react like that sometimes bc I can't control my emotions and how many people have I not apologized to and hurt. Why should I continue to exist and hurt people?? Please help me. I just want to be loved and know I'm not hurting those around me. I am doing the work and in an IOP to better myself but does it even matter?