When anyone I care about like a friend hints at the possibility of ending our friendship even as an obvious casual joke it provokes an extreme emotional reaction in me. Like the walls are closing in and I need to take action asap. I usually delete whatever messaging app we were speaking on. It makes me feel so much better. I know the healthy thing to do is to not cut them off but man I can't help it. I have to cut them off. I would cut my parents off if I could. I used to think I had abandonment/attachment issues but now I think I might have bpd. What is even the difference? Luckily, I have some friends that go out of their way to be with me sometimes but I think eventually I will tire them out with my reluctance to hang out and mental issues. I can't expect people to keep reaching out and I secretly don't want them to. My friends all claim to love me and I believe them but during these episodes I can't feel the love and just sense danger. I genuinely want to be alone during these episodes just wish it was healthy to be alone. I still love them but I can't breathe if I think I might lose you. It drives me wild because these are my friends not my children why do I care so much. I experienced the loss of my only true sibling at the age of 10 and is probably the root of all this. Is this bpd or abandonment/attachment issues?