for context we were fwb &amp; he was my first 

i knew i loved him &amp; so did he. but he never felt the same way. regardless, he would still invite me over. we were both proactively participating in a casual relationship, and were both responsible for our actions, but the entire time i would blame him for not reciprocating my feelings and he would tell me it was a possibility in the future, but for now he didn’t want a relationship. 

i broke it off several times by texting him vicious &amp; outlandish reasons why i hated our relationship and didn’t wanna do it anymore. he would call me out &amp; i would apologise hours later, still insisting i was ending this nonsense. he apologised &amp; agreed, leaving us apart for a while. then either one of us would reach out &amp; end up f*cking again. 

about a month a go he ended it &amp; my immediate reaction was to blame him for randomly bringing this up even though it was a subject of our relationship for 2 &amp; a half years. 

we haven’t spoken since &amp; i’m trying to reconcile with my shitty behaviour and move past, but am always tempted to revisit. i’ve always imagined a sincere ending to this &amp; that he’ll change his mind and come back, but we all know that unlikely story. 

if you can relate, how have you managed to move on? what do you do to cope with the pain of losing what felt like love? &amp; how do you change your beliefs about bargaining someone to love you back?