I am so full of self hatred to the point my head starts to physically hurt from all the thoughts I have. Why can’t I just get a break? Why do I judge almost everything I do so harshly. I would see people dress up and get ready for an event and start feeling themselves. Whilst the only thing I can think of myself after doing that is ‘Damn, I put all this effort and still don’t look good enough’. I feel like I get dressed up just to be the ugliest looking at the event. I feel like people around me look clean, whereas I feel dirty and unkept no matter how much effort I put into my appearance. I have never been loved and had a relationship even though I’m 21 and that contributes to my self-hatred even more. When will I be enough? I don’t feel smart, active or successful enough. I know I don’t have it bad, but man am I so unhappy. I even used to be suicidal, at least I overcame that. But going through every day just hurts.