Ok so, this is a throwaway but I’m 18(M) and I have been on adderall for almost a year now. I always had anxiety and anger as a child, along with undiagnosed ADHD due to parents never believing in mental health issues (despite having their own, but that’s a totally different story) anyways, recently I was sent to the ER after suicidal thoughts due to the antidepressants I started taking again due to my Girlfriend of a year breaking up with me and me having those thoughts. Well I call in for my script to be refilled, as now that I’m in college I actually use the stuff more then the summer and actually run out. My PCP refused to fill it, stating I needed to talk to a psychiatrist first, leaving me pissed but I understood. Few days later get into see one and she diagnoses me with BPD &amp; possible Bipolar and prescribed me sleeping medicine and Abilify. However she then asks me about the adderall script. of course it was a messy road to acquire due to my parents and she simply said 
“it will be irresponsible to give you it”. 
What the fuck. Now I’m pissed. 
It is the middle of my first semester at college taking sophomore level Chem and Calculous, while doing everything ONLINE. I then ask her
“What if my grades start to drop? It’s my first semester and they have helped me so much, in highschool I never had grades anywhere near what I have now” (the only reason why I am in sophomore year courses is from placement testing this past summer)
She totally ignored the question, and instead just sent over all scripts but the adderall.

Now Im deciding what to do. My PCP won’t help me, because she wasn’t the original one who diagnosed me back in January. I even spoke to them both how a leading factor in stress and anxiety is school and how difficult it was for me to keep up with everything and how I’d just shut down from the thought of stress. I wanted help with my mental health as well, knowing I did have something else going on, but adderall has done nothing but helped me bring my life in a more positive direction, especially after the breakup with my gf who I am still not over in the slightest, and the school work really helps me feel like I’m bettering my self. All this they know and still refuse, what should I do? If I start failing I’ll become so depressed, I’m even depressed thinking about it right now. How should I go about fixing this? Any tips?

And sorry for the long post that’s probably everywhere, just really really mad.