Hello, new here so inform me of any mistakes or if this doesn’t belong please. Also on mobile, sorry for formatting. Also includes talk of COVID, so avoid as needed, or skip the first two paragraphs. 

For reference, I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember. I rarely have anxiety attacks though. I haven’t had one since May of last year, and before that I hadn’t for two years. I recently got covid and have just been cleared to leave home so I haven’t driven in about a month and a half (I’ve been really sick with it and wanted to be extra safe.) 

Today my boyfriend returned to work, after being on covid leave. He was supposed to be there for one thing, a password change, then coming home. I fell back asleep and expected him home when I woke up. Instead I woke up to him calling me, needing his inhaler. They wanted him to work his shift there, instead of at home, but did not tell him so he wasn’t prepared. I get dressed and rush out of the house to take his inhaler to him. 

The drive is where it all goes down. I start to shake as I’m driving, my hands, arms, and feet are shaking profusely. I’m full on panicking and I can recognize this but it’s an emergency and he needs me so I quickly get there and tell him I need to just sit there for a minute because I cannot drive while shaking this bad. He asks if I can follow him, it’s just a straight line and a right turn to get home. I reluctantly agree and we take off. I know this may not have been the best choice but I didn’t know what to do at this point and couldn’t think straight. So I get to a stoplight and there’s a bus stopped on the other side, with the cars in front of me blocking the intersection waiting to pass the bus and move into the next lane. I see this and lose it, boyfriend took the other lane already and he’s out of sight. I turned right into a business neighborhood and park.

I texted him that I pulled over and needed to just sit for a minute and would be home soon. Twenty minutes later I go to a nearby restaurant for water and end up in a residential neighborhood not too far away. I’m still shaking really bad and know it’s not safe for me to drive home. It’s only a ten minute drive from where I am but I knew I wouldn’t make it. He calls and I explain that it’s my anxiety and it won’t go down. I end up having an anxiety attack sitting there. No matter what I did, it wouldn’t calm my anxiety. 

He ended up talking to me the whole way home, an hour later, and I’m now home safe in bed. My anxiety is still really bad though. I tried lavender oil. I’ve tried breathing and posture techniques. I’ve felt the urge to cry and vomit since my anxiety attack started though, and it hasn’t gone away. I’m unsure why it got so bad, but I assume the fact I haven’t driven for so long. My boyfriend doesn’t have anxiety so he doesn’t quite understand how intense what I’m feeling is right now. Just need some support from people who understand what I’m going through and realize I’m trying my hardest. I feel like he got annoyed because I couldn’t drive home and talking to me was hurting his chest. I wasn’t trying to be needy or hurt him, I just couldn’t control my anxiety.