This is where I am right now. This illness makes me distrust any decision making powers of my own. Despite having the opportunity to get funding from school to get work experience abroad, I find myself stuck at the point of even contacting employers to inquire as to whether they would take me. 

"I have BPD, therefore I'm at a higher risk of making large mistakes and social faux pas on an emotional level."

"I'm not great at this job at this point, and even if they're supposed to act as my mentors, the expectations are going to be that much higher as an international student, which I can't possibly meet since I have BPD."

"There's no way I can live with a stranger when I have BPD. I can't hide it that long."

"BPD will fuck this up for me one way or another. I'll basically fuck this up one way or another."

I'm in my 30s for god's sakes. BPD is sucking the life out of me the more I try to live. Sometimes I think it'd be smarter to quit my program completely because I doubt my ability to be good at this job, and it's not something I have the option of fucking up.