My story: 
Two years ago, i went to a psychiatrist to help me through depression after i broke up with someone who i was really really dependent on. 
The doctor heard me and gave me medicine for mind depression but after reaching home, i noticed that he wrote "bpd traits" on the prescription. 
This made my entire perspective go wild. I started overthinking about everything i have ever done in life and how it was all because of my selfish motives. I started noticing my narcissistic traits and extreme emotion instability. I started remember why went into a relationship, what all i did, how i treated my friends and family. Everything backfired and i believed that i was mental and needed urgent help, but i was still doubting as to why did the doctor not tell me anything?. I guess the answer was with me. 
That day, i realised one thing, if the doctor did not diagnose me, there was still hope. 
I took that hope and started taking medication. 

[Lets go back before i met the doctor] 

I was in a toxic relationship, i believed it was so because i was not the priority in it, but i still had hope that one day i will be. The guy was constantly manipulating me for sex, and i was giving in for hoping that i'll be reciprocated. I really liked him because i saw the good in everyone no matter how much i was hurt. 

Now do you notice my self destructive behaviour? I called this my inability to love myself and overvaluing others in hopes for security and attention. 

[Coming back to where i started taking medication] 

That day, i kept on peeling every little memory i had. I started realising everything i did in the past that was disliked and damanged my psyche.
Let me tell you a little bit about the past memories that i peeled that day. 

 I used to believe that i'll be swept off my feet by some love god hero, but all the guys i met, were extremely mean and rather slut shamed me for trusting them so deeply. 
As a child, i wws extremely sensitive and i was taken advantage of, i was abandoned by my friends because they didn't understand me, i was too oldie for them to blend in. At home, my mom was the only one who took care of the me and my dad was completely cold and detatched and always busy working to please my grandmother, my grandmother was a narcissist who constantly abused my mom and played politics to divide everyone. 
This surely left a scar on me and my mom oversharing everything with me in hopes of solance was more of an emotional abuse for me, she definitely crossed my boundaries when she explained to me about this politics and how i should behave Infront of everyone. I lost my innocence at the age of 6-7 and became extremely empathic to my mom, sometime i was get so angry that i'd want to poison my grandmother so that everyone could be happy. 
When i was so stressed because of all of this, i took Relief in exploring the sexual side of myself because i was also sort of sexually abused when i was 4. Unknowingly i scummed to that memory because i had no idea what it was. But i was curious so i started hanging out with a few friends and we started making out and shit. 
Triggered much? I thought so. 

Now all of these memories just led me believe that i was a bad person, i had an unfair childhood and nobody deserves this. I thought i was broken and there is nothing i could do to get another life. 

While i was on medication, i also started looking at MBTI. I was curious about everything related to personality and behaviour because i thought i had no personality. 

Eventually, i started related to one type and found solace in it. It helped me find like minded friends, i absolutely loved them.

But the problem is being codependent, selfish, moody, jealousy, worthlessness, oversharing, thought of being a loser did not go. I clearly repressed it by avoiding it and believing that i finally 'belong somewhere' so i am normal right?. 

So, after a few years, this resulted in more disappointments from self and people, alot of anger and resentment because my inner self was still disturbed and didnt get the attention it needed. Instead there was just a bandage that covered it. 

This anger led me to the darkest places for relief, sex, hookups, extreme kinks that were damaging to my psyche, isolation and apathy. 
My idea of this world was completely nehilistic, i wanted to hurt myself because this is all there was ? Right?...... trust and love didn't exist for me anymore. 

However, after months, Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew i was doing someone wrong. Why would anyone in their rational minds would want to get pleasure from hurting themselves? I guess this was my cue and i started researching more and more. 

I wanted to cure myself of all the burdens i carried.
I studied more about Carl jung Psychology, frued's theories and even the four sides of mind in mbti, as well as its relation with brain waves, unconscious mind and everything in between. 

I also found out that i typed myself incorrectly and my entire idea was self just disappeared. But i held it so strongly with me, even if that idea of myself was so damaging to me, i still wanted to belong and to be analysed. Once I realised that i was no longer who i thought i was. I felt suicidal, i felt like a lie and more so, i felt an ego death, i started getting extremely paranoid, i hallucinated and a text that was not there, i couldn't eat or drink. 
I literally forgot everything i believed i knew of me. 

This pain was too much to handle, so i dug deeper and deeper. I knew that this will do more harm to me and i might drive myself crazy but even then, Instead of going to a therapist, because they are so expensive and i really didnt want anyone having a control over me. I am not saying that therapy doesn't help, it surely does help. Its our last resort. Still, i can't help but notice, people with borderline disorders don't do well in therapy, they are constantly second guessing their answers, they have trust issues, they don't like being disliked or judged and therapy gives off that impression of being judged, perhaps they should really learn more on how to treat damanged people. 

Anyways, i still wanted to live and love without conditions. And i finally let go of the idea of believing that i was a certain type, a certain disorder and not normal. 

Something in the back of my mind clicked and i remembered this quotation. "You are not your thoughts and feelings"

I remember this quotation to contain a spiritual Message. Something very detached and whole, infact, it is discussed in many aspects of personality and psychoanalysis. I believe its getting to know your unconscious mind. The mind that was damanged in our case. 

And then, i started looking at spirituality and I realised what i experienced in terms of psychology can be called as delusions or even psychotic episodes. They describe it as ego diffusion that leads a deep conflict within ourselves, but i tried being an optimistic and i looked at the brighter side for once, in spiritual concept it can be known as positive disintegration/ awakening. 
Now, i may sound metaphysical. But i also remembered that, our minds, our infact metaphysical. Its all about believing. 

After experiencing this, i started practicing critical thinking, the things i believed back then, didnt make sense anymore logically. It felt more like a rebirth but i still held my old beliefs with me because i thought they'll keep me protected from the outside world and bad people and i went into a loop of "what i feel - what i think" . 
This loop was conflicting untill i realised to look at it from third person's pov. 
After looking at my thoughts and feelings from outside, i was able to make better conscious decisions that were not influenced by my irrational feelings. 
I learned to validate my own feelings, and created a self parenting concept. This is what they do to you in therapy too. But my spiritual mind helped me take full control of my brain. 

I also believe, if you want to get diagnosed and treated, not sure but try getting a brain scan first. I watched a ted talk about Daniel Amen where he explained how we can change our brain. Well, i cant help but agree, because spirituality does the same. It makes you face your worst fears, it not only helps you analyse your behaviour, but also dig deep to find out the core of the issue, its more than just behaviours therapy, its rehabilitation. 
Now wether you believe in cult like method or science. 
The answer is always going to be same. And that is, its all about believing. 
So no, you're not a selfish person, it was just your coping mechanism, and no, you're not overcaring, its just your fear of being abandoned. 
And no, you will never be abandoned if you realised that we are all alone after all, but no, that doesn't mean you have to self isolate yourself because we are capable of making healthy friendships only when we strike our fears down with our own sword and understand that everyone is just traumatized in their own ways. All we have to do is remember our inner child's dream and pursue it so stop inflating your ego, instead try to humble yourself and follow your intuition, you are actually very smart and like everyone, you have your own unique talents and unique experiences that need to be shared. 

So here's a radical idea that many psychologits won't tell you, stop believing there is something wrong with you, disorder is just a choas in our minds that needs discipline only by our inner parent. Don't stop taking medication but get a positive perspective where you are able to detach yourself from your beliefs, and attach yourself with your dreams instead of fears and outcomes. 

[Lastly, i know that alot of you will misunderstand what i am trying to say, i don't know if i was able to put everything together, i am not sure if anyone will be able to relate, i am also not sure if you will get triggered or get motivated. 
However, this is what i learned in my life. I do not disgree with therapy but i think this has to be said. I think we all are capable and we all can work to achieve our dreams instead of being bogged down by a judgemental society. Please take what resonates, leave what doesn't]