Shortness of breath whenever I am walking like outside. I catch breathing. I palpitate too and get high heart rate. I have like a lump on my upper chest but not sure if lymph nodes. I can’t fully breathe when I stand straight and have back pain and kind of chest pain because like back and chest are connected. I am FRUSTRATED. Please help. Are these normal to feel? I have anxiety and trauma too I think :(

This is what happened to me and my family, and it had an impact on my mental health and overall health.
My mother was admitted to the Lung Center of the Philippines on February 25, 2021, with COVID pneumonia. It was too heavy to carry because, as much as we wanted to be with her, we couldn't because it wasn't permitted. She was there for 25 days, fighting. Every day, I'd ask how she was, and she'd always say she couldn't breathe... her oxygen level was never normal.

Days passed we thought she was doing better. But no. She got intubated. This was the hardest decision to make. When the nurses asked us, I wasn’t into it. I said NO. But mom said YES already. We were waiting for updates. I was too sad, alam niyo yung nalantang gulay? I sleep by 7-10am na. Because I was just there in my room researching about her condition, waiting for the doctor’s updates.

She woke up on the fourth day. We were delighted and elated to speak with her because, wow! She has awoken. But she wasn't feeling well at all. It was my final video call with my mother. I saw her in pain while she was intubated. I saw her trying to stand up for us.

I couldn't stop myself from crying. "Are you better?" we asked. She couldn't speak, but she was simply saying no on oxygen and intubated. It was difficult for me to accept that scenario because I had never seen my mother suffer in that way, and we don't want to see our parents suffer.

The doctor gave us a painful update on March 18, 2021. “Maghanda na kayo.” We were all crying, and I was questioning God. Why, there were numerous whys and whats. I never cried at my mother's funeral because... in the back of my head, I AM STRONG. But, no, I have flaws, and I thank God that I have seen them. I have witnessed my weakness. 

10 April 2021... My grandfather has died. He became depressed, which triggered his tuberculosis, and he later developed pneumonia. It was extremely difficult and heartbreaking. Now, whatever I feel; pain, shortness of breath from the anxiety, and many more. I feel shit. I feel pointless. I feel worthless. I feel like I’m dying.

Last April 22, I had my first panic attack. I did some research on shortness of breath and the symptoms I'm experiencing. I became extremely nervous. My heart was racing and I had palpitations. Tightness and discomfort in the chest. Someone just called me by my nickname. So I thought, fuck? what's that voice lol. But I didn't bother people because to me... I AM STRONG.

I'm currently on medication. Some days I feel great, and some days I don't. I was seeking for help, understanding, answers, and support. My family did not understood what I was going through in the first week. Thank God I’ve found a facebook support group and Dr. Khoo.

I still get anxious. Easily get tired, palpitate, shortness of breath. I pray to God, submit to God but still, it's frustrating when I feel nervous and anxious.