I am still undiagnosed. It is not safe for me to pursue a diagnosis right now, so I have to wait until I move away from my mom. That is going to be about another 2 years or more until I can begin seeing a professional to try to get diagnosed. It’s an issue with a tech course I’m taking and I have to stay home another 2 years before I can transfer to my preferred college. I talk about my issues a lot here, online, but I don’t tell people at all in person because I’m not officially diagnosed.

My issue is that I have been question before on why I may act the way I do at times, and it’s very hard to describe it vaguely or by just listing symptoms, because I’m not ever taken seriously or people ask me why I have those symptoms. Like it’s hard to explain to people *why* my mood can change quickly or *why* I dissociate. I’ve been wondering on how to phrase it when people try to press me on it— like what do I say without feeling like I’m lying or faking ?

Because I know I’m not faking my symptoms, I’ve been regularly experiencing signs of mental illness since I was a child and have been having symptoms of BPD since I was an early preteen—long before I even knew that BPD was a thing— so I know logically that I’m not faking the symptoms I’ve been experiencing for 9+ years, but the people around me make me feel crazy and like all my memories are fake.

I just don’t know what to do, because I really want to be able to go and get a diagnosis so I can finally get proper care, but it’s still not safe for me, yet, so I feel like I’m not even allowed to acknowledge my symptoms until I am diagnosed ?