TW: Self Harm &amp; OD 
(Forgive my bad English. It's not me first language and I'm very shaken up) 
I didn't have a bad day in particular, just been piling up a lot of emotions and today it all just exploded. I'm a self harm addict and although I promised my dad and mom I'd never do it again, I did (which I'm feeling a piece of shit for!!!!). I'm not enough! For absolutely NOTHING! Everything I do is wrong and I felt like this since childhood. I used to be an artist and I used art as a coping mechanism. Art was everything I had and everything I was. But now I can't draw or paint anymore, no matter how much I try! My depression and self destructive behaviour (because of this fucked up disorder) took it all from me, including my art! I feel old, ugly and useless. Tonight I took too many painkillers and I want to cut so badly! It has not been too long since I took the pills, but I'm already afraid of the nuisance I will be to my family (and to the hospital, because I'll probably take some corona patient's place who's in need of a bed) if I OD. I'm freaking out!!! I hate myself!!! I hate depression and I hate this hellhole of a disorder!