I see so many people saying that owning a cat or a dog can help with anxiety, stress and cure you in some way..
Previously I did have cats at home nearly for four years. I was beyond happy sitting in front of pc having a fur ball on desk, lying in bed having that fur ball on my pillow snuggling into my face.. You know.. all those small joys of owning a cat. Having a companion in some way. Having something to touch and calm down.
However my anxiety, stress and fears were feeding on owning them a lot as well. I was noticing myself getting obsessive thoughts and compulsions to check if everything is safe for them. If doors and windows were closed and if so were they closed properly. If all of cats are feeling alright and where are they right now. Did I feed them, did I feed them equally. Is the water bowl clean, should I clean it now or soon or once or twice a day. Plenty of those.

The difference from now and before are:
Back then I was strongly addicted to drugs which would calm my head for a while sometimes.
I'm on my way to diagnose myself fully and begin therapy. I know it's a big first step and I really want it.
The last cat I adopted turned out to be terminally ill which left me an awful trauma. I don't know if I will be able to not drag my next animal to vet monthly to make sure it's doing alright.

My biggest fears are that all the obsessive thoughts and compulsions will return as soon as I get any animal. I've been already adviced to not put more stress and responsibilities on myself.
As well as I won't be mentally able to take care of it and neglect it. This is likely not possible to happen but the fear of it.. oh boy..