i have never been at an all time low the way i have been these past few months. i have forgotten what it is to love myself. i don’t shower, i don’t eat or i eat to much, i don’t sleep or i sleep to much. and every single time i receive love or good things i deny it because not only do i think it’s not genuine, but because i feel i don’t deserve it. just constant crying or numbness. then comes the sudden bursts of happiness where i think life is okay for just a few hours, then i return to my natural state. i have never felt so alone.