I didn't know what BPD was until 2020, and now I understand myself better. I went to a boarding school and 9-10 grades were so traumatic for me that I woke up daily in a flight or fight mode. I have real bad abandonment issues and I am trying my very best to heal and I want to. I want to heal to fully love my friends, family, bf in the way they deserve. I am looking for ways to get over it, it is hard. I have broken down so many times, but the next day I want to try harder.

&amp;#x200B;

This is such a vicious cycle, I wish I could erase the trauma I experienced in those two years, I am tired of pushing people away.