bassicaly i just really hate everything about myself, starting with my laugh, everytime i let out a laugh i catch myself and remind mysel how hideous it is and go down a spiral of degrading myself until i cry. my face is unapealing to both men and woman, i get laughed at alot and i try my best to brush it off. I hate my smile too and how awkward i am. everyone says how cute things like clumsyness and nerdiness are, i am both but in the most unatracktive way possible, i cant handle my face being seen in public, every night i just stare into the ceiling and contemplate another suicide attempt. Maybe ill try a shotgun next but who knows, maybe that would somehow fail like every other attempt ive made in the past. i feel like god has forsaken me these days