
For some reasons I like being mentally ill.  I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and am clearly feeling the negative effects of the disorder, but still like being "sick".  Before I had the diagnosis, I always wanted to be considered sick (at times also wanted it to have borderline, which is actually really stupid and I hate myself for that, because you don't choose being sick and people really suffer from it) I don't understand why that is like this. 

Does anyone have a possible explanation (aside from wanting attention because I don't think that's the reason) or know the feeling?

(Pls do not hate me for this, i do know myself that this should not be that way, but I just don't know why I'm feeling like this)