It’s never been that way for me. Self harm has never been something that I would use to attempt at ending my life. I don’t even realize I’ve done it until afterwards. I’m self aware and I know when I am dissociating or about to, and I understand my thinking process during it. I had self harmed today because I dissociated… I didn’t mean to or even want to, but I didn’t feel real. It’s like pinching yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming. If I do something that hurts then maybe I will wake up, and if I don’t wake up then there can’t be any consequences of the self harm since I’m asleep so it didn’t really happen right? Obviously that is incorrect and it’s such a painful thing to come back to. I’ve made a lot of progress with my management, this isn’t a setback and I will be okay. It’s just another day with BPD and I feel like others can understand and relate to what I mean
To everyone that can: you are STRONG, you are REAL, you are LOVED. It’s okay not to be okay, but we are some of the strongest people there are so I know you can push through and heal. You can do this