Okay I don’t know where to start but I need to get rid of it. I am 22 female never dated or had sex. I often think men are disgusting, I hate them and I wish I could cut off their dicks. No the latter I wouldn’t seriously do, but I often think about doing it. Idk why I have those thoughts I was never sexually abused by anyone or raped. I was never molested or harassed.

Sometimes I have rape fantasies and look at porn and get off to men’s dicks, but then when I’m finished some while later I feel disgusted and wonder how I could’ve done that. 

Literally I wouldn’t touch a man IRL with a 20 foot pole, let alone their dicks. Or kiss them. I find it gross. I see no point in dating people.

I wonder why I can’t be normal. Even if I’m not attracted to men why can’t I be normal about it like lesbian women or straight dudes.

I am also afraid that I’m secretly somehow attracted to men I don’t want to be. Maybe that’s why I hate it to know sometimes I get horny for straight porn ew.

Lesbian porn rarely turns me on, I wish it would, rather than disgusting porn with dicks and gross balls.

I’ve never felt attracted to any man IRL, and I’m so scared I will. I don’t want to

Sometimes I also have intrusive thoughts about sex with my sister. I had a nightmare my brother raped me. It wasn’t vivid but disgusting still. Sometimes even I have intrusive sexual thoughts about both my parents. I hate it.

I just wish I had no libido or anything. It’s a curse.