I am 24, I live in a cheap apartment with some roommates. I have no money, the rent is $650. I have worked many jobs, either from home or in a factory, stores, restaurants. No matter where I work, after a few weeks or months I get a growing feeling of wanting to die or be homeless. Even if the job is super easy my brain just freaks out and I can't handle it. I will literally apply for 6 jobs a day, get a job within the week and not even show up because of how horrible I feel thinking about working.   


I've tried multiple times to end my life but I cannot bring myself to do it. Sometimes I feel like I would rather be dead than homeless, nothing against homeless people I just don't enjoy life that much. I have one other option though which I am afraid to take because I feel like a horrible person for taking this option.   


My Dad has 1 or 2 million dollars and is retired. I think if I called him he would help me pay my rent while I tried to figure something else out, also he cosigned the place with me so I think if I couldn't afford it he would have to pay anyway. He's helped me multiple times before with this stuff and I don't want to be some leech who just lives off my dad, but I literally cannot force myself to work. For whatever reason my brain would rather me be homeless than work. I think I can handle being homeless. I used to be for a small amount of time so I have some experience.   


Should I ask my dad to help me out? I cannot express how hard I have tried to find something that I can force myself to do to make money, but I just can't do it. It has nothing to do with the work it's just my brain hates the feeling of working or I'm afraid of it for some reason. I can help other people work, but if it's just me working for myself or a company, I literally would rather be homeless somehow. I've quit jobs while I was homeless because it bothered me so much.   


I'm already late on rent and my options are let my life get worse until I die or live off my dad like a loser. Maybe I'll be able to force myself to work again out of guilt to him. I don't think I'm dumb, but internally I don't have a positive motivation strong enough to make me want a good life. I think this problem isn't solvable. I also lied and told him I was doing well and had a good part time job because I didn't want him to feel bad. I'm his only child. He loves me and says I'm the only person he can talk to about interesting topics, but I feel like I'm punching him in the face every time I ask him for stuff like this.   


Any responses are appreciated, thank you.