Ever since my father was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 60 (at the time I was 14) and a close friend of mine died from cancer at the age of 18 (I was 19 at the time) I had experienced overwhelming anxiety. This anxiety lead to my first panic attack where I thought I was dying and what ensued were frequent episodes of panic attacks, the development of hypochondria and an overwhelming fear of death. Since that point, I have lived practically every day with adrenaline running through my veins 24/7, I have a small capacity to calm myself through reason, stoicism and spiritual practice however the anxiety and fear is so powerful and destructive that it leaves me absolutely exhausted. I use to be an adventurous, care-free and confident young man who had great hopes for the future, and now I've become a frail, overwhelmed and highly negative individual. My friends have constantly said "what happened to you, you use to be so positive and supportive but now you're so repulsive and boring to be around". Little do they know that literally every second of every day I am in survival mode. I have become severely depressed. My belief in God, source or the universe (whichever way you call it) has been ambivalent but I still hold a small dim of belief. I live with my brother and father, I am an accounting graduate and now am completing the final two classes for my law degree. My future is not entirely hopeless in this sense, just my will is. Please do consider that I am eternally grateful for the things I have in life, I give thanks everyday, however, my fear is so evil that it has the power to blind me to these things and focus entirely on my own safety and fearful perceptions (almost as if I'm possessed by an evil spirit). Considering I developed this hypochondria and fear of death during the time I was in a relationship with a person which was really stressful, I have this weird feeling that through having sex with that toxic person, their evil spirit/energy came into me. I don't know if I'm deflecting responsibility but I genuinely feel this is the case. Anyhow, does anyone have any advice on how I can enjoy life again, face/reduce my fear of death and the Dying Process and become a more supportive member of my family and community? Thank you in advance and best wishes and regards to you beautiful souls.