No one’s probably gonna read this whole thing anyway but here we go. Honestly I don’t even know where to start. My life kinda just feels like one big joke! I go through these phases of being happy for a few hours and then right back to feeling like crap. It almost feels like I shouldn’t be complaining because I have what people may perceive as the perfect life but it feels anything but for me. I have a pretty great family and we live in a nice house and neighborhood but all that stuff is superficial to me. I still struggle. I’m 25 and have never had a kiss, sex or relationship which will probably never happen because I’m a women attracted to women and my family is super religious and wouldn’t approve. I also have my own convictions because I believe in god too but the Bible goes against that. Others say god loves you no matter what. I don’t know what to believe so I’ll just be alone. I don’t really like going out much because seeing any couple or people having fun together just reminds me I won’t experience that. I’m overweight, not really attractive, and have very terrible social skills. It doesn’t help that I’m introverted and shy. I’m a over thinker. I have no friends. Everyone I come in contact with only go as far as acquaintances. I do BJJ, skating, dance classes, bowling. You would think someone who is very active wouldn’t be over weight and would have friends but no. I’ll just continue to do them by my self I guess. I don’t have an actual career. I’m living with my parents. I’m living pay check to pay checks because I can only ever get low minimum wage jobs. I don’t have a degree or actual skills so no one will want to hire me for a real career. If I had the money to invest in those thing I would have gone to college or trainings to learn skills for a good job but I don’t. I see everyone on my social media with these great jobs, in the military, just getting married, starting businesses and it just makes me hurt and want to hate myself more. There is so much more but I’m not gonna bore you guys. At the end of the day even if I try to make my life better in the back of my mind I always think what would it matter if we are just going to die at the end. Thanks for hearing me out.