I (44f) have been diagnosed with depression for over 15 years, trying one medication after another, combos, talk therapy, more meds, different meds, and I'm still depressed. Still trying to find a point to life and a reason to get out of bed. So I'm starting TMS tomorrow. 

My psychiatrist mentioned it to me a week or two ago because we're running out of options that don't negatively impact my health. You know how some anti-depressants "may increase appetite?" I gained about 50 pounds during this journey, which used to be 50% off my weight! (I used to be at a healthy weight of around 100 pounds--I'm really short). All that eating and extra weight has led to high cholesterol and being pre-diabetic, so we decided I'd try life without the med that makes me hungry all the time. I'm still on two anti-depressants, but I still feel like sh*t. So I did some research into TMS, checked with my health insurance (they will cover it completely because I've met my max out-of-pocket for the year), and in a few hours I begin treatment. 

I know that it may not help at all. But there's also a chance that it could cure me. No more meds. No more side effects. No more feeling like a broken doll that should be left on the trash heap. No more money spent on meds!!! The statistics are all over the place when it comes to efficacy rate and rate of remission, so I know it may not be the magic cure I'm praying for, but I can't help but think: what if it is??? And I'm so scared that when it has no effect I'll feel even more depressed. I know I need to feel somewhere in between but I don't know how. The treatment takes place 5 days a week for 7 weeks so I won't know right away. 

Hoping someone out there has been through this and might have some helpful words.  

For more info on TMS[Mayo Clinic on TMS:](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/transcranial-magnetic-stimulation/about/pac-20384625): [Wikipedia on TMS:](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transcranial_magnetic_stimulation?wprov=sfti1)