I'm still obsessed with an ex i dated from 2015-2016. (In 2015 I was 22F and he was 27M) We had an explosive relationship consisting of major codependency, extreme love, and extreme jealousy and poor communication skills. We were very attracted to eachother physically and emotionally. He made me feel protected because people respected him and no one "messed" with him.

At times we were very nasty to eachother. I was always afraid of him cheating on me and him, me. I was obsessed with him and couldn't imagine ever cheating on him.

He said the meanest things anyone has ever said to me. Once, after he broke up with me and found out I was very casually and not seriously seeing someone (typical rebound that didnt last) he found us at the bar, punched my rebound guy in the face. Some time after, I wanted him back and he told me I was a whore. He said to me, "A key that opens many locks is a great key. A lock that is opened by many keys is a shitty lock."

He has used me for sex a few times last year by telling me nice things he knew I wanted to hear. You know like that he misses me, I look so beautiful, we had such bad times but such amazing times, etc. I hated myself afterward every time for believing we might get back together.

I've never gone a day without thinking about him. I lost some of my closest friends forever, because they couldnt take my relationship with him.

He hasn't dated anyone since me, until today when I found out that hes in a new relationship. I almost threw up. I realize that I'm probably not "in love" with him, just obsessed. He didn't want me. I've always stalked him on social media but hes very private and it kills me. I've tried to figure out ways to "casually" run into him but when it worked it left me depressed as hell. Lately I try to not run into him, because I've gained some weight and I'm scared of him judging me. 

He DOESNT EVEN CARE ABOUT ME, OR THINK ABOUT ME!

So what the fuck is wrong with me that I'm so deeply hurt by his new relationship even though he did some really horrible things to me. Why am I obsessed with him???

I know I have the classic daddy issues and shit. Diagnosed bpd after our breakup. But I've been in a lot of relationships although I'm only 26 and NOTHING has ever felt like this. 

I need to stop. How do I get OVER this?