To start of my life, I've been sick my whole life. In and out of hospitals since I can remember. I was raped when I was 5 by another older kid in the neighborhood. I was also diagnosed with spinal deformities at that age.  Had 6 surgeries by age 18. 

Went to college to study engineering, got kicked from engineering for bad performance. Switched my major twice then. Had pyschosis at the end of my 4th year. I think I was sexually assaulted by a doctor at this time. Withdrew from multiple semesters in college. after 6 months, i attended a different university with only sophomore year level credits. Bc of all those medical withdrawals and incomplete classes. I stopped again due to such high anxiety, depression and pain. I had a surgeon messed up my body at age 14. Been living in hell since.

I live in pain now, everyone I went to university with is successful and are in relationships. I'm bipolar and the clinic I went to for help closed down. 

At this point I want to just end it. I'm 22 and I don't see a future for myself. I wanted to be a doctor or an engineer but I couldn't make it through school. Im an immigrant, and I'm a failure. I just want to end it atm.