I've known him for years and we barely talked until my breakup couple of months ago and he helped me deal with it, cheered me up when needed and I unconsciously turned him into my FP.

I went from speaking to him every few months (if that) to talking to him every single day, even mimic his way of talking, and I can't imagine a day go by without him. He's a really good friend, and a wonderful person, and he shows he cares sometimes. 

But lately I've been picturing us together, in a romantic setting rather than anything else; I cling onto everything he says and envision our relationship based on his wants. Whenever he recommends something to me, I do it, whether its a show or an activity, and I actually enjoy it.

And an hour ago, I was feeling so miserable for no reason, so I wrote to him and we started chatting and I felt better, not immediately, but as the talk progressed.

Now my big issue is how much of that is my BPD, and if there is any chance these are actual, healthy feelings. All my previous FPs were my SOs so I knew the feelings were involved, but this is new. I think and talk about him a lot, he makes me laugh, he pisses me off sometimes (but in a mild, joking way), and I feel like I can't live without him.

I'm sorry this is all over the place, but I need input about my feelings. I really don't want to ruin this friendship, and I don't want to lose him, and I don't even want him as my FP. Is there any way to dig into my emotions and explain to myself what Im actually feeling? Any input is extremely appreciated.