I dislike many things in my life right now. I think I am not needed at all and I just want me to not be around anymore. But I know that if I leave that will mean I am even more of a failure. I also can't do that to my husband and child. I wanted to be gone. But I know I cannot. What I can do is hit myself enough for the sadness to go away. Then I can calm down but then I will be upset some other time. It is an endless cycle of self pity and the self harm. I am a nobody on my own. My life is worthless.