Dear all, I am looking for some advice as I am at the end of my rope.

I (40) am in a four year relationship with the woman of my dreams (32). Before entering in a relationship, we have worked as co-workers for three years, so we go back seven years in total.

Two years ago I have proposed to her and we were supposed to get married on 20 July '20. Then the COVID thing happened and the wedding was cancelled out of necessity. This has significantly affected my fiancee; angsts and doubts regarding all matters of life started to spring up, including doubts regarding our relationship. She has always been a bit anxious but this was unlike I had seen in her before.

In January this year, our relationship took a turn for the worse. My father passed away and I was not emotionally available to her. I could not calm her fears as I was able to do before. Within a week of my father passing, my fiancee repeatedly tried to break up with me but each time had regrets within hours. She then broke up with me in a very cold text message while spending a weekend at her father's house. She spent several weeks at her mother's place and gradually I was able to calm her fears and get her to move in with me again.

Several months passed and everything was good again. In July, she brought up her wish to have a baby and expressed intent to stop taking the pill in a few months. I told her, perhaps without sufficient empathy, that I wanted to have children with her, but that I thought that we should wait a little longer to ensure our relationship's stability. She then, over the course of weeks, brought up the baby subject again and again and demanded to know my timeline. I felt that my position was not sufficiently respected and started to close myself off when the discussion came up.

In September, I learned through the mail that she had secretly made inquiries on a rental apartment and was in the process of signing a one year lease soon. I initiated a discussion and learned that she feared that I would some day break up with her and kick her out of the house, which is on my name. I tried to calm her saying this would never happen. I also told her, recognising her prior fears, that I was willing to try to have a baby if we were at least 6 months stable. She then told me that she would cancel the rental. We spent several weeks doing fun stuff and everything seemed fine. We even discussed baby names. Then I learned that she did in fact sign the lease, again acting behind my back. I became angry because of all the lies and past Sunday, she moved out to temporarily live with her mother.

We have since had several discussions and I was able to calm and comfort her a bit. My fiancee's sister, who is a trained psychologist (although not a therapist), says that my fiancee likely has anxiety disorder and has told her the same. Over the course of this year, her sister and I have repeatedly asked my fiancee to go see a therapist. I have also offered to jointly go to couples' counseling. Last week she has made and missed phone appointments with a therapist. She now an appointment in person scheduled for November 18th. I have again suggested to also go to couples counseling, but she refuses for now, saying that she wants to talk to a therapist personally first.

Writing all this makes me wonder why I even continue to bother and not just break things off myself. Rationally that seems to be the best thing to do, because even if I manage to salvage our relationship, my hopes for having some relationship stability are far off. At the same time, I do love her very very much and if she is indeed suffering from severe anxiety, I do want to support her in this difficult time, even if our relationship would eventually not survive.

For now, I have therefore told her that she continues to be welcome in our house and that I will not change anything. She has told me that she appreciates this. At the same time, I am of course not able to continue this for more than a month or so as it is also starting to weigh down on me. I will need to have closure at some point.

Any advice or suggestion is very much appreciated!