It's been less than a week and IDK why I wasn't feeling it before. I was so collected, seeing how this is the right choice for both of us, respecting that I need space and time before we continue our friendship. Truth is, we have different needs from a romantic relationship and we were not communicating well. Logically, we both need to find someone who will fulfill those needs without infringing on their own boundaries. I was sad but at peace with it.. However, last night things went downhill pretty fast. A memory popped up of a meme I sent him months ago... Long story short, I'm still up (it's almost 6am) and I've been crying non stop. My chest aches so much and my stomach is in knots. I remember the break up with my first serious boyfriend. It hurt a lot, especially because it was my fault, and because he was super into me and would do anything for me. It actually pushed me to seek therapy and I got DBT from it. This, right now, is an entirely different animal. I'm so utterly in love with him. I'm not okay with this anymore. I just want to go over to his place and tell him about my day while I cuddle him. Fuck. He's my best friend. I'm in so much pain and I fucking hate how me and this stupid disease ate away at him. He used to be so into me and I pushed him away. Fuck me. I can't do this anymore.