I don’t struggle to make friends, but struggle to keep them. I have about 3 amazing good girlfriends who I know really love me and I really love them. I’m about to turn 30 and find I can make friends easily - people say they think I ‘look cool’ and they find me hilarious but after a while it’s like they see the real me and not the version of me that they created and existed in their heads because of my looks (feel cringey saying this but... am an attractive girl with a cool style good humour and a very dgaf attitude). It’s almost a curse looking a certain way and having bpd because of the continuous heartbreak I feel every time they see the real me. A person who finally knows what they want in themselves and expects in others and I’m often not afraid to voice these expectations. As often as I make a new friend I know I probably have the same number of people who don’t like me to begin with - usually because of the attributes in the above brackets. So when the inevitable clash comes in the friendship they go and side with those who didn’t like me or I didn’t like in the beginning and I feel so alone and misunderstood again. I want more friends more than anything, but I’m also happy to not make anymore because it’s too sad for me. I’m starting to distance myself from hanging out one on one with new friends because it ends in SHIT. Anyone else the same? Feeling unbearably misunderstood for almost 15 years now