I shave to work tomorrow, i hate it. I just do. I'll have to work for the rest of my life to just live. I don't think i can go through with it honestly unless i change some things but that's easier said than done. I already just want to end my life, but my mom will be devastated. I don't know if one day I'll snap and kill myself, I'm afraid of it. But what could be worse, living life a slave or just dying. Idk but I'm having a hard time with it, don't know if I'll ever come to terms with it. I'm beginning to think of suicide just itself, no details but just wishing i could die in my sleep but not really, just wishing it could all be over literally. I don't want to die but i just want a lot of things to change. I think of my step mom killing me in my sleep and i get paranoid sometimes snd sometimes i just sleep, maybe i want her to do things will finally change and be over with.

I don't want to commit suicide. I just want all of this, this life we call life to just fucking change. I don't want to be here anymore or be alive, i just wish it could all change. Maybe for better or for worsen idk, but for it to all just change, maybe that would be all I needed. I just want to escape or be happy within myself as much happiness as i want. Bliss to be exact. But idk i don't want to see tomorrow. I just don't want to see tomorrow.