I feel like all I’m doing is breathing but it’s so hard to catch my breath. 

I don’t want this to ruin motherhood for me but all I think about is the child I wanted so bad that was simultaneously forced on me. 

It’s not my fault and I didn’t ask for this. 

I’m so glad he’s gone for ever and he can’t ever hurt my baby or I again. 

Please save me from my mental illness that leaves me so easy to be trapped. To be gaslit. To be told it’s all in my head. He held me down and while I cried he just kept going. Til the crying started killing his boner and he begged **me** to stop crying. 

He begged me to keep this baby because he knew I’d be stuck with him forever. I’m so glad in all this psychosis my moment of clarity came when I said goodbye to the baby I loved so instantaneously. 

Please forgive me because it’s not your fault I’m not strong enough alone and he would have ruined you. Just know I love you angel and I’m sorry.