Let me start off by saying that I am NOT looking for a diagnosis. I just wanted to post about this. Also TW: self harm. Flaring

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 12. I ran away from home a year ago. Over the past year I’ve done a lot of work on myself. I’ve always had emotional issues. Volatile and prone to outbursts. Random bursts of euphoria and loving people very intensely. 

I considered BPD 7 months ago. eventually I passed it off and just assumed it was the ADHD. 

But the past few weeks have been hell. And tonight it got me thinking again. I mean maybe I do. 

I mean it makes sense. The intense fear of abandonment, the constant need for reassurance, getting upset and thinking someone hates me when they “text me in the wrong tone”, Only able to feel “my girlfriend hates me” or “I’m so happy to have her and nothing could ever go wrong”. Another big one is the mood swings. They change by the day, no, by the hour. My girlfriends most common complaint is “I never know what you want or need”.

Other things outside the scope of ADHD set off the alarm for BPD as well. Things like work. I either hate my job or I love it. No in between. The massive waves of euphoria get uncomfortable, having that right now as I type. 

I think people talk shit about me. My friends and girlfriend. At times I think they all secretly hate me. The self harming was another big one. It used to be so bad. I’d hurt myself in so many ways. It was horrible. And oh my god, the mirroring. My personality, who I am, is entirely based on others. That or I don’t know who I am and I feel lost and alone. 

Back on black and white thinking/splitting. Me and my girlfriend are so unstable because of me. It almost feels unfair and I sometimes want to leave her because I feel bad. “She did this one bad thing, I should break up with her” is extremely common. However more often than not it’s, “she texted me in that tone, obviously she wants to break up with me” or “she asked for space, she hates me” 


My point is, I think it makes sense. I think it really adds up. I will be speaking with my therapist about it next session. As well as the new psych whenever that happens. Just wanted to share this I guess.