Hello!

I've been used to a corporate environment where mental health issues are punished rather than supported. Ive learned that I need to hide my disorder because management would see it as a threat to profits, especially when I was in sales. 

I learned about a 4th trauma response, there's flight, fight, freeze, and now I know of fawn. Fawn suddenly made so much sense. Like a little rolling on it's back when a big dog comes near as if to say "don't eat me I'm cute and lovable", that's how I'd survive layoffs- be liked, and never show weakness. Needless to say it is exhausting and I'd get burnt out over and over. 

I just started teaching music at a Catholic school. It is a maternity leave gig, so there would be risk that disclosing this would potentially jeopardize being hired should the previous teacher not return (a few of my coworkers seemed to hint that she might not due to her commute time and her general sentiment before I showed up). That said, at a faculty meeting, I had culture shock of how vulnerability was accepted and okay among the teachers. This school is in Chicago, so it is actually quite progressive. We have trans teachers and teach kids love is love and your identity is yours to be respected. I've loved everything I've seen and the values we are teaching- this is a far cry from what I knew of Catholic schools growing up. 

While I know this is generally on a need to know basis, I do feel I'd like at least one person to know what I'm going through and what experience I have. I had to chat with a kid who got in a fight with another kid, and I empathized with the anger and frustration he had in him. I told him his strong emotions are a gift, but just like Spiderman's powers, he is on a journey to control them so he can swing from building to building, and not accidentally blowing up toilets. I know he just wanted to be heard, and know he's not bad. 

In another class I had a little girl who felt sad and she didn't know why. I sat with her and we made sadness an imaginary friend. I said it's okay to feel sad, and sadness can sit here, but let's try some mindfulness techniques. I'll be here with you, we can sing/ listen to "don't worry, be happy" and let sadness stand up and leave when she's ready. 

I've been so impressed with the support I've had so far that it's easy to think this time might be different. But I'm not sure- I'd really love to hear from teachers, especially those who may be at a school that seems to have this kind of atmosphere.