Iv always been skeptical about having bpd, I’m not diagnosed but I think I have a problem. I’m 20 now and I still have fits of rage. It’s usually brought on by family criticism or just stupid shit that wouldn’t make a normal person flip but it makes me go insane. Iv been reading other people’s posts...it’s literally posts about my head. 

Everything is intense. Why.  Why is everything intense. When rage comes over me, it literally feels like I can and will tear down my house down to ground level. Yelling, cussing, punching walls, doors, and then ending up in my room. After such an intense explosion I will sit in my bed and cry, sometimes until I fall asleep because I feel like a piece of shit. I feel everything, I physically feel the sadness in my body, I physically feel the rage, and then I don’t feel anything really at all. I mean..I think when I feel nothing, I just don’t feel sad. Then it’s like those fits of rage never happened and I’m fine.  Idk I had I pretty bad one yesterday in front of my mom, punching myself and everything like my legs hurt right now. 

I don’t know how to fix this though..I don’t see how any talking is going to change this and I hate putting my family through hell but I feel a lot of times I’m misunderstand and they think I’m some psycho, and admittedly, I can understand why. Crying a little bit rn just cause...bro this shit just sucks..it just plain..sucks.