Do you feel any guilt or have you accepted its the way it is and just give yourself some slack? Being torn between two states...can't make yourself do things you should or commit to things like going to the gym while being angry at yourself for not doing these stuff. It's not that hard youre just lazy. Just say you dont want to. But then...why commit. It is  simultaneously difficult and easy. You just want to scream. You know you should but the anger grows.