I (33F) cannot drive. I grew up with an incredibly anxious, overprotective mother who instilled fear of driving, swimming, you name it (don’t get me wrong, I love her and my family). I developed severe anxiety of all sorts. Later in life I got married and moved to Europe and got myself in an extremely dangerous relationship and almost didn’t make it. I was also not allowed to learn to drive or have friends for nearly a decade. 

When I finally got out of this situation, I took driving lessons, but always felt the instructor was pushing the breaks on me and controlled my driving, never felt like I did it entirely on my own. I barely passed my driver’s test and got a license, but felt it was given to me out of pity. I didn’t trust that they were fair nor that I did a good job. 

A few years later, after much therapy for my years of mental/physical abuse, I am finally with a wonderful person who is supportive and understanding, which I am too in return. My partner had been teaching me before the pandemic, but I kept having panic attacks and had to every time park and cry out the stress. I get so incredibly tense and in a hightened state of anxiety that all I think is “I have to survive! I can’t crash! I can’t see everything! Which way do I turn? I see many things at once, how do I focus? On what should I focus? Go right? Wait, this is left, not right! Or is it left? I can’t do this!!” 

It is an ABSOLUTE nightmare!! :’(
I feel hopeless and useless. 

I know I have to change my mindset. How do I? I feel confident some days, and want to drive, but the moment I get myself in that big metal machine and start moving it, I just deflate and feel anxious, so so nervous and anxious and I am so sick of this! 

Thank you to anyone in advance for taking the time to read and comment!