Thursday:

Shocked.
Confused.
Overwhelmed.
The feelings of abandonment.
Still even though you knew the problems existed.
Pushing those fears down in your system.
Building up til' you have a vision.
Not the truth, only something you imagined.
Running through your head.
Making you feel distant.
Causing more trouble then to begin with.

Waking up one day with a feeling in your gut.
Trying to trust when your mind is against you.
Pushing away the one who freed you.
Not knowing what you can do.
Ask about it and get yourself thrown back at you.
For acussing that which hasn't been done.
Only to realize you caused it to be.

Now lookin at what I did.
I see the pain, the agony.
What you deserved was the trust you gave me.
Making you feel the the end was near.
Fear turned to anger toward myself.
Self infliction, mutilation.
Thinking I won't make it.
I don't deserve it.
This mind of mine won't let it happen.

All I want is for my wife and daughter to be happy.
All the things I do to ensure its delivery.
Only to trip on myself and causing misery.
I learn what has happend.
Uncontrollable I break my own hand.
Hitting the closest thing near.
A chair, solid wood.
Thinking how it could be.
That last thing I ever want is for us to end.
I will do anything and everything to make amends.
I'll stand up to what has befallen me.
Destroy that which is callin' me.
Nothing stands in the way of my family.
Try me, I'll knock you back on your ass.
Forget about it, all you are is trash.


Wednesday:

Losing so many friends.
Feeling like they're against me.
In the end they were like family.
Now they are gone.
Because of me.
Losing hope, my destiny.

Why do I feel this way.
Why do I push away.
I have to fix myself.
Show others I'm trying.
They don't understand how I feel.
I don't want my wife to leave.
I've lost most of what made me.
I can't lose the last puzzle peice.
Without it I can never be complete.

Prove to her and myself.
I can trust and support her.
The last chance of retribution.
I can't let my emotions take over.
She means the world to me.
I have to let her be.
If I don't, I don't deserve it.
She shows me, but I don't see it.
My mind is blocking the obvious.
It bothers me, but I can't stop it.
I have to regain control!
Never let my head roll.
Onto this platter for my fear to devour.

Seeing her wear that ring gives me hope.
Not letting her self esteem get to her.
For doing something that means so much to me.
It shows the compassion, the love for me.
That she would never betray the trust I gave to her.
I can't keep holding her down.
I have to prove that I can return what was given to me.
Prove I can be the man she married.
Trust her damit! I can't let her leave!
I won't be like the others with problems like mine.
I won't give up!
I'm not like anyone else!
I will get passed this!
We will get passed this!