I’m 24 btw and Im probably acovert narcissist and I’m not sure if narcissism is genetic but my father is a textbook narcissist. 

The reason why I believe I am a narcissist is because I don’t really care deeply for people, my thoughts are consumed with fantasises of being adored or hated and getting a reaction out of people because I strive to get reactions from people, attention and admiration. I have mood swings depending on how my life is going and I can become so grandiose I feel like I could pick a fight with anyone walk around my city like the king. Then when I feel low I feel so depressed and sad walk around like a miserable cunt. I don’t care if I upset someone, don’t care deeply about my friends sometimes I even want them to feel low so if something bad happens to them I get happy. 

The mood swings depend on how I feel and that usually depends on how people view me. If people view me as a psychopath, narcissist, powerful, confident and if they fear me I become so grandiose. But if people make me feel small weak, unimportant or awkward I feel so low. When I was a kid and a teen I was very socially awkward and people literally thought I was autistic. But that was all due to low self esteem. People sometimes mention things and call me a psychopath, narcissist, mention I have low empathy and say I’m insensitive. 

Reason why I believe I might be BPD is how I am in relationships. At the start of my current relationship I didn’t care about the girl at all, I didn’t care if she leaves me I was emotionally unavailable. With time I had to become more emotionally vulnerable and more emotionally available. This has caused me to intensively fear abandonment, that they will lose interest, cheat on me and I want all their attention to be on me. I’ve been with this girl for 9 months now. And I hate that I want to see this girl 24/7 so that she spends all her free time with me so that she doesn’t lose interest, because when we’re apart I overthink things and get bad anxiety. I can become very jealous and possessive my girl tells me and I can obviously see that. When we go to a nightclub and a guy try’s to talk to her I can become aggressive. 

The other part is because I fear she will leave me so I kinda want her self esteem to be low so that she knows I’m better than her and she could never have another me. If one of my friends tell me nice things about her I will not mention anything to her so that she doesn’t think other guys find her attractive or whatever. I want all her compliments coming only from me. If she feels low of her self she’ll stay with me. 

The only thing that could fix this fear is if I had a backup plan girl on the side so that if things ended I’d instantly have someone else. 

I know there’s something wrong with me so do people relate to me? And I wonder what your diagnosis are?