i’m not sure if what i’m experiencing can be classified as ‘delusions’ but i’m not sure what they are. 

i’ll have obsessive, intrusive thoughts about how i’m unclean and i’ll end up in hell after i die. voices that tell me how awful i am and how i’ll be damned. i have a lot of times where i become convinced that i’m some sort of angel or that at one point i was an angel and i get distressed over being so dirty and tainted by being cursed to be on earth. i have times where i feel ‘holy’ and powerful and manic and that i’m superior to everyone else. 

i realize all these things aren’t. normal. but in the moment, when i’m experiencing these things, it’s all very real and scary to me. i’m ashamed to bring them up to anyone and this is the first time i’ve actually sat down and typed it out. i have these randomly, and they aren’t as prevalent as other symptoms i have, but i don’t even know if anybody else experiences something like this. i feel embarrassed typing this out, i don’t know why. i hate talking about things i experience due to mental illness. i don’t like being open about it and i feel ashamed and alone.