My life was completely different in high school. I was social, happy, etc. Now I live alone and isolate myself most of the time. I go to work, come home, and repeat. I hang out with friends occasionally, but usually when I do, I just spend the whole time wishing I was back home, which makes me feel guilty because I do love my friends and enjoy spending time with them. My apartment is a disaster but I’m so overwhelmed by it that I just don’t clean it, which makes me feel gross. My hygiene is also suffering, which makes me feel like garbage because it’s so simple to just shower and brush your teeth. Any time i’m in a social situation I go home and replay everything I said in my head and think about how stupid and embarrassing I sound. Being in this cycle of despising myself and feeling like I have nothing to offer is so exhausting. I have no energy, and on the weekends I spend most of my time in bed. I know that it’s not normal for a 20y/o to be exhausted by just getting up and doing the dishes, to the point that sometimes I have to go take a nap afterwards. I don’t know if it’s because I smoke weed or because of the depression. I look at everyone around me going out and having fun and not being completely exhausted, and I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel like I have nothing to offer. ugh, sorry. rant over.