So we’ve been friends for a very long time and for the past few years we’ve both struggled with our mental health in different ways and tried to support each other. I’ve been doing a lot better the past few years but she’s had some stressful things going on and it’s really fucked with her depression. I’ve tried helping as much as I can (helping her search for a therapist, financially supporting her, and always listening when I can). 

Anyways she struggles a lot with her hygiene and keeping her things clean. I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until I went over to care for her cat this weekend while she was away for work. It was so bad I could barely be in her house for more than a minute. There was dog and cat feces (a lot of it dried and crusted to the floor) everywhere, dirty molding dishes, dirty laundry piled up, and tons of trash. The smell was awful and I’m worried she’ll end up getting sued from her apartment for the damages. I have ocd and sensory issues and cleanliness is a big big thing for me. I no longer feel comfortable with going to her home and honestly I’m worried about her being in my home or my car because I’m worried she could be bringing bugs. I don’t know if it’s my place to have a conversation with her about this. She refers to it as “messy” so I truly don’t thing she understands just how bad it is. I also don’t know if she realizes that she smells bad too. She’s had some instances in the past few months where her other friends have kind of stopped inviting her over and now I’m wondering if her hygiene is playing a part and she doesn’t know. Also I don’t know how I’m going to avoid hanging out with her in person without having a conversation about cleanliness to explain why I’m not comfortable with coming over or her coming here. Is it even my place to approach her on this? What do I even say? How can I support her I’m really worried?