
I know that I should be grateful to be alive, that being alive was going against many odds, 1 in 400 trillion I think? But why do I still not want to exist. It’s not like I have a terrible situation, there are people out there who have been through far worse and are still enduring the worst, yet they still have more of a will to live than I do. I feel guilty feeling like this, I feel guilty even writing about it in an anonymous thread where no one even knows who the hell I am. No matter how hard I try, and the therapy I do, and self reflection I can’t shake this feeling. I wish I didn’t feel like this almost all the time, I wish the days that I actually felt good stayed a little bit longer.
I don’t have the courage to end things, but I also feel like I don’t have the strength to continue. 
At this point I’m literally just waking up everyday and breathing because It’s a must, an automatic function.