I thought after the first day at my new job I'd feel safer? Less anxious and able to rest for an hour or two tonight but I can't. I am so anxious about work and being perfect there, being the best. I am so so anxious about my mother being severely ill. 

I already know now at 4am that I'll get no rest. I'll feel groggy and confused tomorrow. I'll struggle to not yawn or feel like I'm dying at work. Rinse and repeat. The onlu way I feel relaxed to sleep is if nothing is coming up, no work, nothing. But then I get even more depressed. I hate my mind.