 Sometimes I want to not exist, each time I think it's gone for good, it comes back around. This is not fun, this is the worst feeling ever, spiraling out of controls, smallest of triggers accompanied by full breakdowns. I feel like I should just stop but that would mean losing it all, so I am at this crossroad and just sitting there. On one hand, I want to take a break, on the other hand, I can't afford to take a break, let me have my mental breakdown later. I feel like time should stop and I should cry and just stay there for a while.  

I hated how just the tilt of the raised tone made me agree with everything, made me back down because sirens were going in my head. I could sense another freak out coming so I backed down. Agreed with everything said, scared like the same little girl inside. I hate it. I hate how I become when it's all roaring in my head to make yourself small, escape to the bathroom so they won't see your tears, won't see the mental freak out, won't see the anxiety which swims beneath the skin.

 I want to just get away from everyone, away and away. I don't want to be here, don't want to have an anxiety attack with subtle triggers which make it worse and worse.  

I hope this doesn't affect anyone's day