I've been dating her for a little over 2 years now. Really thought she was gonna be the person I marry. This was the first healthy relationship I've ever had, and also the longest. Communication was amazing. The connection is amazing. I love her so much, and I know she loves me. But while I head to a different state to get my master's and PsyD in clinical psych, she's going to stay where we are and study law and become an attorney. We're both very passionate and educated for our age in the fields we want to go into, and I know both of us will be successful, but it feels like I have a hole in my heart now. She was definitely my FP. The only person I've ever trusted that much. She knows me better than anyone else in the entire world. 

I only have a month left before we graduate and move on. And the breakup is conscious and made with love, I want her to be fulfilled in her life and do what's best for her, even if that means I can't go with her. This is one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do. It doesn't seem like I'll ever find that type of connection again.... I just feel hopeless in that aspect. She has never lied to me, always told me how it was, and would admit when she was wrong, and I did the same. Unconditional acceptance and love on both ends. I feel so many different emotions towards her, that she's abandoning me, that I'm stupid for thinking she'd want to spend her life with someone like me. But in reality she feels horrible for doing this to me, she really does love and proves that every time I see her, when she could've just cut me off. Both of us want to go through this process of separation together in a sense, and I don't mean that in a way of we pretend like it's all okay, but rather we talk about how we feel about it and things of that sort. I told her from the jump, I can't fight her battles, and she can't fight mine, but I'll be in her corner. And she always tells me she's in mine. And we're keeping it that way till the end.

It's so natural for us to want to put a face to the reason why bad things happen, and it's so normal for our emotions and feelings of abandonment to come up in a roaring storm when we're going through something like this. But sometimes, it's not a person. That's what this is showing me. It's not because of me, and it's not because of her, that's just life. 

And for the things we cannot control, we must accept, no matter the pain. I will experience many dark nights of absolute sobbing and horrific emotions and thoughts. I will experience emptiness to a whole new degree. I will feel depressed, defeated, and hopeless. But I will prevail, through allowing my emotions, through being mindful, and through self exploration and acceptance. If there's anything I've learned from her, it's that I am worthy and deserving of love. I hope I showed her the same, because she will have a place in my heart until the day I die.