This is mostly a vent. For the last six years my FP has remained very consistent. For a period there was someone who kind of took over that role for me, but our relationship soured for non-BPD relationships (he is a bigot not okay with any homosexuality/gender non-conformity is all, no BPD things), and my old FP went back into being my new FP.

My FP disappeared this year and I do not understand why. He totally poofed from our circle in general, not just me. I try contacting him about once a week, on average, and only one time he reached out to just let me know he was okay. There was no crisis, nothing horrible happening for either of us that I know of. I still do not know why he left or if he is going to come back.

The first person that came into the revolving door after that was a man I had a very short and extremely tumultuous romantic relationship with. It ended extremely badly and it was empty for some months. Recently a female friend came in the revolving door and it went really badly. She is a good person, but wasn't conducive to a good FP relationship for me. She is very flirtatious by nature and talked to me a lot about her unfulfilled wants for romance. It inevitably went exactly how you'd expect, and it was... not easy for me to accept that I couldn't fill that need for her. I'm still having a hard time accepting it. We're taking a break from our friendship.

Now it's going to end up being another one of my friends. It's not that I'm forcing it, but it's very obvious that it's going to be, there isn't another person in my life who is going to and my brain only goes so long before it fills someone into it. I just want to keep them for more than a month. This is the only FP I've had that I've actually been in a sexual relationship with. We've gone over the "dating question" and neither I nor them want to. I don't know if anyone here has had a FWB as their FP. I just know I want to keep this relationship stable. Our relationship has been pretty good for a while. A friend with benefits relationship is the only relationship involving intimacy that I've been able to keep healthy. I'm just nervous about sending another FP down the tubes. Sigh.

Does anyone else have experience with a revolving door of FPs? This isn't my normal and it's hurting me a lot.