At this point, my life is miserable, and all I do is try to shut myself off in my own comfort zone. I can't socialize. I have a lot of problems that I don't even want to think about. But during the evenings, I realize how much of a fuckup I am, and I get so frustrated and sad that I want to hurt myself. Sometimes I even want to kill myself. I'm so tired of myself and the conditions in which I trap myself every day. Maybe it's just reasonable for me to kill myself because I just know that I'm not willing to change. But maybe these are just intrusive thoughts. I'm just so tired of it all.