Soon to be 23 male

I had a breakdown during a party because a dog reminded me of mine that died last year and went to hide because I knew I couldn't repress the tears this time. I was going to collect myself and come back like I just had to pee or something, done it before, never been caught.

One of my friends noticed and followed. Only her thankfully, or maybe she kept others away idk, I hope noone else noticed.

Then I said to her a lot of things I always kept for myself and never intended to tell anyone, guilt, loneliness, self-loathing, fear of them all leaving.
I wish I didn't, no one ever seen me like this and I wanted to keep it that way.

But why do I feel like what I told her was not genuine?
it's hard to put it into words but I feel manipulative for telling her all this. I don't want my friends to be caught up in my shit, they deserve better.

Even though I didn't want her to know, she happened to be there when I couldn't contain it, had she come 5min later I would've acted fine and gone back like nothing happened.