I had another dream where I played dnd with my old friends again last night, these are friends that I left because they started to ignore me and didn't want to talk with me because my mental health made them hate talking to me.

But even now, months after I left and even after trying to not think about them, so as to not depress myself further, I still have dreams of playing with them again, this didn't happen with any of my other friend groups, sure I'd sometime think back on the good times with my ex-friends, but never to the extent of dreaming of an imaginary future.

It's killing me inside, as I wake up every morning just wanting to delve back into that dream, to live in that world, that is just objectively better then the real world, waking up feels like I've died, it feels awful as I have to experience the pain of knowing I'll never talk with them again.

I just want to empty my head and never think of things again, at least then I wouldn't be sad, just numb.