so a very long term relationship of mine has ended, and to be honest... i've not really been on my own for very long, my last relationship kinda ended and i fell into another.. but i'm having serious trouble knowing how i should feel. my ex wants to stay friends and we only talk casually every now and again.. but it brings me intense anxiety because i can't dislike him, or love him.. i have no idea how to feel in this 'friendship' and every-time i find myself trying to care i try and reject the feeling = more anxiety, or when i'm disliking him or finding comfort not being in the relationship i end up hating myself for being the bad person.. i don't know. i just feel so weird. i do really care about him a lot.. but my emotions are all over the place

just thinking about him makes me anxious and it does not help that the last time i saw him i had a panic attack (i've suffered with ocd like intrusive thoughts that re-appeared when he came to visit) and anxiety that lasted until he went home again. we were in a long distance relationship for the last few years

does anyone else get like this?