For years I have been trying to stick it out.  After she was diagnosed as having symptoms similar to BPD I read a lot of books and made a huge effort to be there for her but still keep myself separated mentally from the outbursts and pain.  It got too much for me when my wife's hunt for the inevitable betrayal and disloyalty turned on our daughter.  At 5 years old my daughter did her best to ride the waves of anger and mistrust but it just got more and more ridiculous.  The straw that broke the camel's back was when my wife insisted that she wanted another child "that she could love".  Apparently the one we have is unlovable.  She will never ever have a loving relationship with her so it is time to breed one that she will be able to relate too.  My wife's mother (who's idea this all was) denies any mental affliction in my wife and is 100% behind her.  So I have packed up our child and all our gear and have wished them both luck.  

I hate this mental illness.  I love my wife dearly and wish she could have taken controlling this condition more seriously.  If we didn't have a daughter I would have stuck it out with her but it just isn't right to have a mother that can't love her because she can't keep her spotless bedroom clean or never ever make noise at night or, heaven forbid, need a hug when she is sick.   :-(  