Hey I’m currently on the verge of being kicked out of my 4th year of uni because of attendance, working a job I hate because it involves confrontation and rejection, and I’ve realised that the career I want will never happen because I’ve lied to myself for 10 years about the quality of my work skill. Im actually very untalented, quite stupid and unable to hold any long term job/plan because I’m an impulsive piece of shit.

Here I am again, entirely my fault, ruining my own life. I’ve made 0 friends at uni. 0. I’m in a class of 11 people and I can’t even make friends with anybody. I had on
I sit by myself struggling because I don’t ask for help out of fear of rejection. I haven’t eaten properly in over a week, im stressed and I’m tired to the point that I’m seeing and hearing things that aren’t real. I don’t know how to talk about it without sounding crazy but I’m seeing it flood into other aspects of my life now. I dissociate at work, focusing on worrying about other things. I think things have happened when they haven’t. I have breakdowns at home where I smash up my knees and head from slamming to the ground. My fp is getting frustrated and upset because of how I’m treating myself and that’s more of a wake up call more than anything. 

Sorry for text wall I really needed to express how I’m feeling rn