I (25f) got fired from the job of my dreams 3 weeks ago because they didn’t like the way I worked. I loved the work, the people there, and the relationships I was building, but I got told I wasn’t a “motivated self-starter.” For context I have ADHD and probably autism but I don’t want the diagnosis because if I do decide to keep going I want to adopt kids someday. All the feedback I got from my supervisor (who I very rarely saw) was very vague and difficult for a person like me to understand. I guess they didn’t like that because they gave me the boot. When my supervisor took my keys she tried to tell me it “wasn’t a decision they made lightly” and “we’re heartbroken over this.” Bullshit. You’re not the one being escorted by a cop out of the building. You’re not the one losing your income and health insurance.

I can’t seem to pull myself out of this. Not only did I lose my financial security but a whole community. I was on the best healthcare plan on the market. They were going to pay for me to go to grad school. On top of all this, it’s a very niche job and the chances of me finding something like it again are slim to none. Every day I wake up and wish I could go back to sleep. I don’t dream, I’m just unconscious but that’s the only time I feel at peace. I sob uncontrollably for hours on end every day. Sorting through things with unemployment seems like an impossible task. Even getting out of bed to make myself something to eat feels like an impossible task. They sent me a letter the other day that made it sound like my previous employer tried to prevent me from getting benefits. I’m trying to do the stupid little apps and journaling and whatnot, but it just makes me feel worse because I genuinely cannot think of a single thing I like about myself. I’ve been trying to keep busy, but I have no energy. My only energy comes from pent up rage. My partner told me he’s getting fed up because I’m so negative all the time. It’s true, no one wants to hear my bullshit anymore. I don’t enjoy my hobbies anymore because they were all linked to my previous job. I dread doing chores around the house because they don’t give me that dopamine hit that normal people get and there’s just so much to do because I’m such a messy person and it gets too overwhelming. I obviously can’t afford treatment and I can’t bear to look for other jobs because I know my only options are soulless office jobs that will make me even more depressed. I just want to make it all go away but I’m too much of a coward to actually end it. I’m just miserable and wish I could go into a coma. I don’t know what to do