I’ll keep things short. I just called my manager that I’ll skip work today. I told her I had bad period cramps. But in reality im just having a bad anxiety attack. 

I’ve always had anxiety and am on antidepressants (brintellix 10mg) and concor for palpitations. I take bromazapam if I have a panic/anxiety attack. (I just took one) 

I woke up and ate my breakfast, shower and ready to head out. But my brain I wasn’t feeling quite well. I’m very anxious, my heart is racing, my thoughts are over the place. I also can’t rlly leave home alone but I’ve trained myself to leave for work alone at least. 

My mum’s back in her hometown and dad’s working. So I’m feeling a little insecure. Plus my company closed down 1 of their outlet, the one I’m working at is fine but you never know. 
my online small business isn’t doing well now, I have plans to open a physical shop, my income is slow now. And also I’m attending a diploma course in 2 months time. I think that’s where the stress comes from. 

Now I feel bad skipping work. When I called my manager she replied oh okay no problem sure but my anxiety brain thinks that oh maybe she’s not happy about it. 

I need to stop overthinking. My heart is racing like shit rn. :( I already called my dad and he ask me to rest. 

I’m feeling not okay now :( but I know if I try to go to work just now I will risk having a panic attack/ depersonalisation episode in the public transport. Which I don’t want to because I’ll develop a phobia to travel again. I had it before and took me years to slowly overcome.