Im trying to force myself to go out, do stuff that I have some vague kind of interest in (which is already a win in a sea of apathy).

I stopped at a local artist booth and decided to buy one of their painting. She was radiant, not because of my purchase, she just was. She complimented my eyes, and it sent me crying. I cant even smile in a situation where one should be happy, it just makes me sadder. How. How. It makes no fucking sense.

Also, how is it that some people walk about with a smile ? Alone? I don't think I ever felt happy enough to smile at anything but a forced picture or a joke. And it never lasts.