Having a crisis about who I am?

I just don't know what my purpose is, I'm 25 I work as a CNA in the hospital. I feel like I've taken it for granted, calling in a lot only being there 5 months. The nurses say I am a good worker. But these nurse's are younger than me telling me I'm a good worker, feels like I'm a kid. It's gotten better being there for a while. These nueses have their lives together. Get dates, are outgoing, passionate and very gorgeous. Im legit ugly and stupid. The workload can be a lot but I always say if I can't or can do it. Enough about that, I just don't think I could survive on CNA wages. I'm making 17.35 an hour working Monday thru Thursday night shift. I feel like I have no life. By no life I mean being lazy. I'm overweight and I have low self esteem, in my room I'm the most confident person but when I leave the house and see other women who are actually pretty, getting hit on, getting numbers and going on dates it sucks. I'll never find that, you could say beauty is subjective but that's only to make everyone feel safe and not hurt their feelings. I know I wouldnt be chosen over someone actually attractive. AND if they did, they'd be lying. I have gorgeous friends and sisters I know how it works. MAYBE I'm overly sensitive, little bit of criticism sets me over the edge and I instantly feel dumb or stupid. I got very pretty sisters and boy... the treatment I get is awful. Men come up to ask me about them. 


I thought there was something wrong intellectually with me for a long time, I became obsessive about it. I still live at home, I'm so close to my mom, I pay rent. But still have not figured how to money manage. My car needs new breaks, a new muffler and minor miscellaneous things. I don't know if there is something wrong with me? Low IQ perhaps? I ran it by my therapist a few times and she says it's just anxiety. I'm constantly asking my mom if the school system has said anything about me, I missed lots of school growing up and was placed in special education classes in 6th grade for math and science. A few reading comprehension classes too. She said no, when I asked her. I love to write and always took pride in that but even sometimes I don't use the right grammar or words. So I feel like I have nothing to be proud of. I'm pretty sure the friends I have left that were from elementary school are moving on to better things. My one friend is going to travel the world in her RV. I feel like my friends think I'm "off" too but maybe not. 

I'm quiet, but hate it. I'm stupid, I'm slow... I'm so fucking ugly. I'm so fat, I'm not desirable for a man or anyone to want me. I have a hard time meeting new people. I barely leave the house. I get anxiety going into the fucking gas station to get gas. If there's a lot of cars in the parking lot. I won't go in. 

I want to disclaimer, I don't want any sympathy. I'm venting, and I feel like the people around me are tired of hearing it. I've posted a few times here before, I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know who the fuck I am, why I'm here..