This might be a common thing but my birthday is this week and I really just want to skip it this year. I don’t have friends and my band is kinda falling apart. I’ve been at my parents house for over a year now. 

I’ve done a lot of self-care and development this past year, and I’ve learned to be more comfortable with it being just me and my dog. I’ve gained a lot in the process, but I still have no friends and still no full time job despite me being a little more involved in volunteer work. 

I never intended on killing myself but I do daydream about suicide every now and then. It’s a scary thought so I try to push it away and I work with my therapist

My problem is that last year only 1 person bothered to show up last year and this is before the pandemic. Obviously this year I’m not going to bother trying to get people together. But for some reason the thought of spending the same Groundhog Day inside on a date that happens to land on my day of birth haunts me, especially because I do not want the unwarranted attention. I would rather spend my birthday around people who care about me and who I surround myself with