hi this isnt totally bpd related but im just looking for support. my mom brought home some pink lillies from my grandmas house and gave me some. when i woke up my cat walter was sniffing and biting them. i immediately got him down and had to wipe the pollen off his face and then i found out theyre toxic to cats. so i told my mom asap and she called the vet and they said bring him in if he vomits. 

he threw up a few hrs later and they immediately drove him up there and theyve ran tests and hes going to be okay. they just have to keep him there for observation for a few days. 

now, before all this i posted a video on my story of him with the pollen on his face. i said “guess who got into the lillies?”. im glad i notcied my mistake so fast but this girl decided to send me this passive aggressive message along the lines of “(my name). no. lillies are toxic to cats”

im glad i didnt decide to respond to her directly because i BLEW THE FUCK UP. she fucking talked down to me and i know from her message alone she thinks im a shitty cat owner now. IM NOT. i love my cats more than anything else. i would never ever let my cats get into anything toxic. im sorry i didnt fucking know at first

im still pissed. at her. and at everything. the way she fucking talked down to me. the way its so obvious from that one message alone what she thinks of me

im fucking sick of everyone i know they judge my every single move and action. i know im a joke because i collect toys. i know my friends all distanced themselves from me because im fucking weird

and a few days ago i found out i was born w something called trisomy x. its pretty harmless just an extra x chromosome, it gives u some defined physical features such as weak muscle tone and bent fingers and stuff like that. but it can also make you awkward and clumsy. and thats all i fucking am.  

ALL i fucking am. all im fucking capble of. fucking up. embarrassing myself. i post things on my instagram story where i share my opinion on something and then inread it over 100 times and think how fucking dumb i must look for even opening my damn mouth. all i fuckijg talk about is stupid ass dolls. i want to be NORMAL. i want to stop being an embarrasment to my boyfriend

last time i posted here i was told if i do it again im getting banned. so fuck it. ban me from my last support system. i dont give a shit. ive already lost everything else. i dont even know what the fuck i did wrong but clearly its EVERYTHING.