Today i realized my boyfriend is the first person to make me feel like im not a monster, and he actually wants me to do whatever i need in order to be more emotionally stable. I started crying because it felt so good to finally have someone who sees that i need it and supports me in getting the help i both want and need. 

I am now researching therapists and trying to find something that will be good for me. :) 

EDIT: i gotta say, this is such a supportive community and i have made a few posts here but i adore all of you on here and i wish the best for all of you. I always feel like i should say that because i know a lot of us have so many issues with feeling like we're undeserving of even the smallest happiness but i promise you every single person in this subreddit, no matter how much you think otherwise of yourself, deserves love and deserves happiness and i really hope all of you get to be happy and conquer the devil that is bpd. I believe in everyone here and i know that if i feel so broken and can do it, you have the chance to as well. It may not feel like it but i know either you can now and just need the support or you have to wait and thats okay. It may not be at this moment but i promise we can all get past bpd and leave it far far in the past one day.