I'm feeling so down and lost. I've been trying so hard. Going to DBT, taking a meditation class, on mood stabilizers, working, getting up, everything. I try to immediately address my ineffective reactions and curb the time I spend on them, because you don't just get better all at once right? It's a process of small steps and successes right? 

My partner wants me to not have the reactions I do. He says it straight up. How could I even address that besides doing what I'm doing? I can't just change overnight. I feel so hopeless and I can never tell if I am the sole problem here or if he plays a part too. He's hurt and reacts ineffectively when I try to use new skills. I don't blame him, he's used to such an unhealthy response from me. It's hard to change how we think of each other. 

He's exhausted by my need for reassurance which just makes that so much worse for me. Then I need or want MORE reassurance. I'm so tired. I am so tired of my mind. Sometimes I feel like it would be better if I wasn't in a relationship at all. I love him and his daughter so much and I try so hard to be good to them but god, I feel like I'm always fucking up just by being myself.

I feel like I'm digging myself deeper while I'm trying to climb out. I don't have a question, I just don't have anyone to talk to about this. I feel like I'm slipping away.