since early 2021 to be exact, a year has passed for good, like my bond with my mom.

like me, she doesn’t have many friends before she’s sick, we were each other’s best...now she have nothing just like i have no friends.=elAted cuz they’re shitty in the end*.*

so nobody visits my mom except my aunt, occasionally me too but i’m a coward. she’s the best helper anyone could ask for, very active at providing needs, seriously it’s not her obligation, she could quit anytime, u could say she kinda willingly dictates the helping role other than the nurse she hired

 fuck, i feel this distance between me and her, a part of me won’t stop thinking about how she’s being *bitchy* in some of her words, but i’m not brave/childish to say it out loud. i just hope she’d stop bringing possible consequences like”mom would’ve died, things wud be much different” everytime i appear “stupid”, i’m just struck by it more &amp; still can’t get over this cruel reality.

i feel guilty at everything, was trying to say i can help &amp; not being good at it, im just a jobless student and useless.