I’m apologizing ahead of time for the long post, I know a lot of it sounds like rambling.

Over the summer I had the biggest mental breakdown I had ever experienced, which I now now was a manic episode and I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. After this, I spent about a month doing outpatient therapy where I learned a lot about myself and my mental health and how to cope-although since then that has all gone out the window and I’m back to feeling helpless. The bipolar diagnosis still weighs on me heavily and I’m worried about what that means for the future and how bad the next episode could be. 

Not only am I still reeling from that and the HUGE depressive state that followed, my anxiety is now in overdrive it feels like and I can barely get through a day without panicking/crying. I’m worried about literally everything, specifically my health. I’ve always had pretty bad health anxiety and hypochondriac tendencies, but it’s to the point where I spend hourssssss checking my body for signs of disease and searching every possible symptom until I’m deep into a panic attack convinced that this is the end. I’ve gone to the doctor several times the last month or so but I still feel like something is wrong. I wish I could just stop but this has consumed my life in a way that feels impossible to get over. My husband and friends have gotten so tired of me asking them for reassurance that I’m not dying everyday and I don’t blame them I just wish everything didn’t feel so terrifying all the time. 

I don’t really know what my point is in posting this, maybe to just not feel so alone for a day? Advice on how to get through health anxiety?