I mean, yeah, he messaged me eighteen minutes ago saying he loves me, and I'm meeting him for lunch in twenty minutes, and it's obviously just work stuff he's doing on WhatsApp (although even if it isn't who fucking cares, he's allowed to talk to other people)...

AND YET... Any time I see that "online" under his name and he's not messaging me, my brain tells me he's abandoning me and he's talking to someone else because they're better than me and I'm worthless and he hates me and he's going to leave me or he's cheating on me and and and... and I just sit there staring at the screen like a twat, waiting to see how long he's spending talking with someone else, full of absolutely unfounded resentment and sadness.

This is RIDICULOUS. I'm so sick of it. I hate my brain so much. 

(and he literally messaged me as I was typing this saying "MY DARLING, I love you!"... but still... still my brain carries on...)