angry because I should want to get better but don't, angry because I've felt like this since I was 13, angry because this illness took away my childhood, angry because I feel like I'm living for everyone else and what's a life if I can't even enjoy it, angry because I have to put on a smile for everyone at work tomorrow, angry because being angry and bitter about it all feels self indulgent and "woe is me", angry because how can anyone expect me to be okay, angry because I'm not brave enough to end it, angry because I don't actually want to end it. 

just so much fucking anger. it should motivate me to get better, seek help and do something with myself but it doesn't. I don't care, I just want to be allowed to be pissed the fuck off without someone trying to make me feel better because "you know it could be worse!".