I'm a guy and my episodes get so frequent when I'm talking with a women. Shes close and theres a potential for it to turn into a relationship. It feels like I'm trying to maintain a fake persona while it's all crumbling apart. While having the episodes I feel desperate to not be abandoned, a bit I think or I completely shutdown. Ironically it's the same thing that's a turn off for them I think.

What could I do to alleviate this? I really want to have a gf one day but this makes go nuts too quite literally I become like a kid.