I really care about my FP/SO. He’s such a good person genuinely but I feel like he doesn’t try to understand me. Which is valid cause I think logically-speaking, no one is obligated to stick around or do anything. Also, he works with kids with issues on a daily basis so I think my issues just overwhelm him. He is also on the spectrum, so I’m thinking my own stuff can also trigger him as well. I don’t mean to treat him like shit and sometimes I don’t even realize that I’m self-sabotaging. I love him but sometimes it feels hopeless cause I can’t control my emotions and I’m still in the early stages of figuring all this mental health stuff out and finding support. I push him away when things are going good or when I get easily triggered, then pull him back usually being toxic and manipulative with suicide and self-harm. I know, I am a terrible person. I was just wondering if anybody had any helpful advice or tips for this? Is there anything I can do to help him understand that I don’t truly want to be like this and I hate myself for being like this :/