And I don’t have any motivation to change it because even when I have it doesn’t make a difference and it’s not worth it and I still want to die.

I hate that I can’t flip a switch and end it all. I think about suicide methods and I worry about failing… and really the only one that would for sure work, hanging, scares the shit out of me because just the thought of not being able to breathe sounds so painful. 

I just want out.