So my boyfriend and I smoke weed. He does way more than me. We’ve been having some problems lately (were going to couples therapy just had our third appointment) and I don’t feel safe emotionally around him like before. I mentioned this is therapy and explained why his tone of voice &amp; vibe makes a huge difference. 

He was sick for 2 weeks with the flu (got tested for everything else &amp; was negative). So he was kinda miserable to be around. He was super super crabby and I was taking care of our toddler &amp; dog and working and he would complain about me cleaning saying he’ll do it later, arguing about his tone with customer service/health workers, dumb shit.

Anyway, now I’ve pretty much pushed him away. Not a lot but idk I didn’t feel emotionally safe. Usually when I smoke we laugh a lot &amp; have fun, but when he was sick &amp; we both smoked he just wanted to have serious deep conversations and watch documentaries. When I smoke I don’t want to watch those I can’t focus. I just want to laugh and relax. So after feeling more crappy when I would smoke with him, I’m feeling depressed when I do. Not every time but it’s a big change.

He had left to go take our son to the beach with his friend, I didn’t want to go &amp; wanted time to myself. I scrolled through several movie apps and couldn’t find anything to watch. &amp; for the first time in awhile I had a suicidal ideation. Like my existence is pointless and I’m unhappy for no reason and if the house were on fire I would just stare at it and not do anything while being in the house.

Idk. I don’t like my brain. It’s not fun. I just want to have more happy mood swings and I haven’t been feeling that as much lately 😔😔😔