I’ve always been anxious, but after a scary medical episode it reached its peak in 2020 and I could not function, so many physical symptoms I’d never experienced before- I couldn’t walk down my own hallway without feeling like I was walking on a boat deck and swaying. Panic attacks which crippled me.
I couldn’t even go to the shops .
I sought out professional help and after many hit and misses I crawled back to a more calm state. Always had good and bad days , but overall better.
Till this last month, anxiety is bubbling up again, making me terrified of simple things like going to the shops or anywhere really. I can’t do anything without feeling panicked/ off balance/ like I’m about to fall over.

We went to a bday party over the weekend and I’d spent the whole day feeling off balance and dizzy- which I know from extensive testing including mri and ct scans is purely caused by anxiety.

We went , I was terrified to go , but once there I had two glasses of wine and by the end of the second glass I felt completely normal again- was able to have great conversations, dance, everything without fear or anxiety.
I had a third glass and felt exactly how I felt pre all this anxiety shit (yet while sober).

Woke up the next morning and all the anxiety was back, feeling off balance, light affecting my vision, all the horrible things.

Obviously alcohol is not the answer but it’s made me really sad since, wondering why I felt more normal that night with alcohol than I do every single day sober, and if it is possible to ever feel this way again without taking anything, to just be me again like I was before. I feel so broken .