So I have a few friends and I've lost a lot because I guess I've always thought that I have to defend myself and by doing that I end up being rude

But recently I lost 2 friends recently and I'm overthinking it and now I'm slowly realizing that I'm the problem. I recently started shutting down and I haven't talked much today. 

I don't know what to do and I feel so lost about everything. I don't know how to do anything. My mental mood has crashed