I feel like crap. I've been feeling like shit for years now. I've made so many bad decisions. I've hurt myself in countless ways. But, I've been trying to get better. I've been trying so hard for those few people that care about me. But, truth be told, I don't want to get better. Of course though that depends on my mood at that moment. But right now, I don't want to get better. I don't think I even deserve better. I just want to surrender to it all. I just want to give up and have the pain consume me. I'm used to it anyway. I feel so strange when I'm not in pain. I don't want to get better.