I'm being tugged in so many directions of what I'm feeling. I'm not sure whats going on with me at all. 
I can't sleep, and when I do its at the worse hours. Then I also feel so lonely, but I dont care enough to want anyone to stick around. I rather not try to get close to anyone or adding anyone to my life because I have this heavy want of being alone as well. Due to me being so introverted, my avoidance ways and my heavy social anxiety. And honestly its for the best, I'm undeserving anyway. 

I lack alot of motivation and have so much self hate its eating me away. I havent done it in a while but I want to self harm or not eat for days because I feel like a shell of myself. Nothing about me is normal or functional. I dont know how I'm even still going at the moment. I've been trying but I feel dead inside.