Damn, even with everything in my environment being settled, even with all the stepping stones I needed to not do this to myself again, shit doesn't matter. I unconsciously enjoy this fucking pattern of psychological self harm too much.

Fuck this heap of emotion that I can't even fucking fathom, fuck all the progress because it's all just temporary. Fuck attempting anything because eight times has proven that I'm too much of a bitch to commit to death fully. 

&amp;#x200B;

And seriously, fuck the fact that I'm probably going to feel extremely optimistic about myself tomorrow and take care of my trinity.

&amp;#x200B;

the fuck is all this.