I don't understand why I'm incapable of keeping friendships. The only relationships that have stuck by my side are my long-term boyfriend and one of my best friends from elementary school, who I am friends with but don't speak to regularly.

I don't get what about me turns people off so much. Some things I can think of: I'm not very skinny for a girl, so maybe they see through my body image issues. I was deeply abused as a child and it turned me into a very indecisive person who needs validation for everything - the kind of friend who asks you what outfit she should wear every time you go out, etc. I sometimes flake on plans, though no more than others. I make some self-deprecating jokes - I should probably stop that.

But there are cool things about me too. I have a loud, contagious laugh and make jokes that make others laugh; I'm smart and I'm a medical student, training to be a doctor; I am kind and compassionate and there for my friends, allowing them to cry on my shoulder when they need to and tipping service workers generously and treating everyone with the same respect no matter who they are or what job they hold. I am well-read and a good conversationalist. I have nice eyelashes and a nice butt. I light up rooms.

So why does no one stay? Why do I always find my way into friend groups but then somehow end up on their periphery? Why is the only person who loves me deeply my long-term boyfriend (and even he has some issues making friends)? What am I doing wrong, and can someone please help me explain why whatever I'm doing is so much more gravely offensive than an average person's flaws?