I’ve got a bit of unresolved trauma, a lot of it led to my BPD diagnosis.

I feel like I’m an abusive person because of how quick I shut down when somebody hurts me in the smallest way possible. I realize that I stonewall hard and in the past that has hurt those around me. I feel jealous and possessive of my fp but I don’t show it. But I still feel the toxic parts of me as I internally lose my shit when my fp hangs out with someone else which sucks ass honestly. I truly believe I am better off alone and that I should never date anybody to protect them from my truly toxic behaviours, and I don’t even know where to begin in healing that. 

I’m feeling kinda hurt rn because of myself won’t lie.