I'm struggling in lockdown I've been isoalted away from most of my friends for 3 months now, I had quite an active social life and volunteered a lot to keep busy to stop low dips, now all of that is currently gone and I've just been having a tough time. 

When lockdown started I'd been in the "talking phase" with a guy I kinda liked. We both kinda leant on each other for support as we were finding it difficult. I've been adjusting my meds hoping to find a way to feel better, but it's really proving tough.

When I feel bad I kind of isolate myself so I don't bother others with my stuff, however this guy needs me around and wants to talk to me, which at first was really nice, but now when I'm having a bad day I either don't tell him or eventually just get really upset at something minimal. 

Last night I got upset when he called me up and told me he was visiting his friend for the second time in a couple of days when he hadn't seen me since last week. He admits we're basically dating at the moment but he's anxious about it being official since it'll add pressure. Really I think he still just wants to be able to sleep with someone else if the opportunity comes up because he's breifly mentioned that, which made me insecure as hell. Especially since I often tell him I'm not wanting to see anyone else.

I got upset because he chose to see his friend twice, he didn't even want to come and see me more than once a week, and it just hit me that he's really obviously not enjoying my company, because if he did he would have asked to spend time with me. So when he asked why I was being quiet in my responses I told him that it wasn't on him that I was just feeling like he wasn't enjoying my company.

All seemed fine he apologised for making me feel that way, that he did enjoy my company ect. But then today I noticed he was acting a bit off. But he called me whilst we played video games and I answered and eventually he started saying how I need to stop getting offended when he wants to spend time without me. Which I understand but it's just kind of said in a rude way instead of just talking about it. 

Then he started accusing me of getting mad at him for seeing his friend, which I explained I never meant to sound mad and many times told him it wasn't his fault it was my own insecurity. And now when he ends a conversation he will say "I'm going because I have things to do not because I hate you" and laughs and I just feel like he's mocking my insecurity and I just feel judged. At this point I kinda just want to ask for some space so I can feel how I'm feeling without burdening anyone with my own insecurity, at the moment I just wanna sleep til life returns to normal. I'm tired of dragging him into my downward spiral, I feel he would be better without me right now.