I'd like to start this post off by saying I don't have BPD. But I was dating someone who did. I didn't know what it even was until I met him. He took the time to explain it and even share how it has affected his past relationships. I appreciated his self-awareness. He has been in therapy for a while now, so it was good to hear about the growth journey he's been on. The first few months started out pretty good as we were just getting to know each other and take things slow. 

Fast forward to now. I broke it off with him a few days ago. I found myself excusing some of his behaviors because of his BPD and his past childhood traumas. But it was ultimately leading to my unhappiness in the relationship. His fear of abandonment often led him holding on tighter to me and when I communicated that I needed some time for myself or my friends it often caused him to act disappointed and making me feel guilty for not being with him instead. This isn't a good feeling to feel like you've disappointed someone for something that is going to be a long-term necessity for me (my own time and space every now and again). 

I kept trying to figure out how to be there for him, support him, while also making sure my needs were met and I just couldn't find that balance. He felt like I was abandoning him during the breakup and I felt awful, because I still cared about him. Even though I knew breaking up was the right thing for my own mental health. 

I guess I was just hoping to gain some insight on ways your partners (without BPD) have been able to successfully support you, while also making sure their own happiness and needs are being met? I know everyone with BPD is different. I am just trying to process it all.