I am 27, male. When i was a kid I hated school. I liked home a lot. I studied in college for 2 years, couldn't wait to leave there. That place sucks for me. Almost everyone there are the same thus socialization for them is not a problem. But it doesn't let me be myself. The reason maybe is I came from another town and that there's a culture difference. 

I was an average guy at school, quiet, i can't fit anywhere. I am funny and friendly at times tho. I'm known the best in the class in our major. But look at me. I haven't even found any position yet. 

The pandemic start. Best year ever. Everyone is staying at home. Everything is online. My friend (older than me) wants to continue college found a scholarship school (our church school) and included me in his plans so we enrolled to get a degree. 


It was an online class and I was occupied. I am distracted from my emotions. It was full of activities and because our church owned the school getting to know some people is not a problem. Was elected as one of the class officers (cuz damn i took it seriously). I had friends i am comfortable with. I can't be judged. Almost everyone thinks the same. I also managed to be one of the Dean's Lister as well.  And i don't get to pay that much compared to any nearby school.

But it has to end. I need to decide weather to move out and continue my scholarship or continue somewhere else. Couldn't decide quickly if i have to leave and for some reason i am afraid to decide. I decided not to think too much about it until it was late.

I can go back to that scholarship school tho but i just have to wait for the next academic year (because i got late for enrollment). I started considering waiting and be back at school again.. but then my insecurities kicked in (at the very right fucking moment). I suddenly felt way too old to start again, then i started feeling ugly for f2f class. Suddenly got socially anxious about the school setup. And im 1 year behind. 

I made some good friends there. But I'm back to old ways now. And this time it's worst than i expected. loneliness creeped in like i never had before. Depressed, Unmotivated.