Does anyone else struggle with awful anger and bitterness towards people and the world? 

I go through these cycles of being "okay", to moderately sad, to depressed and tired suicidal, and then to anger and bitterness and "I'm so fed up with the world" suicidal that results in self harm. The anger is the worst for me because I lash out at people and myself physically. 

I become an awful person and I guess the stereotype of a bpd person. But I feel like this anger is "the real me" in the sense that I use dissociation and daydreaming to cope and when reality crashes down I become super angry and bitter when I realize life isn't all fun like my daydreams. 

I use angry rock music to try to ride out the feeling, but I was hoping someone can help with me some kind of coping mechanism, book, or advice to deal with this anger if anyone can relate.