Basically ya my gf is polyamorous and I'm monogamous

I am getting diagnosed with bpd rn and basically the symptoms just don't let my mind in peace especially after she told me that she wants to poly and date other people (like I was scared and stuff before that but this thing just made it so much worse that I can't relax even for a moment)


I don't want her to date others yk...I want her only mine...she's my favorite person....I'm getting jealous if other people breathe around her...imagine dating her.....like I'm sad that I don't mean to her as much as she means to me.....she doesn't give me the attention I want and she says I'm overreacting when I share my thoughts

Basically since she told me about poly I spend 24/7 of my day like : I should break up she doesn't like me I don't like her I can't do poly I should leave *a few moments later* oh maybe I can do poly I love my gf I can't leave her ....and this thing repeat and repeat again and again all day


I'm so exhausted that I'm just picking up fights for the smallest things trying to make her tired of me to leave me..... I have lost sense of time,self ,will to exist and everything...... I don't feel real......