Hi, I'm Dalia, I'm shy and introverted and I never told anyone this story but I need to speak with someone or I'll explode. This is my story and I don't know we'll how this app works and if somebody will actually read this but that's ok, I did my part. 
I was a good daughter and I'm loved by my parents.
I was a decent sister and I'm admired by my brother(idkw).
I was an excellent student and I'm still remembered by my teachers.
I was the best friend you could have and I'm still in contact with a lot of great people who care for me.
I wasn't very confident but I liked myself.
I was fine then I was not.
It happened six years ago, at one point I couldn't sleep at night, I had so much anxiety I couldn't eat properly and I started to have bad thoughts. I don't understand, I didn't suffer big trauma, nobody hurt me, I was doing good, Nietzsche would say that I had an "ocean of possibilities" but still I felt I'll and I was confused at first, then scared, than sad, then numb and now I'm empty. I don't feel, I wake up, I look around me and It's like I'm watching from another point of view. Sometimes they resurface, the feelings, but they're bad, mostly I feel ashamed of myself, tired, hopeless and angry. 
It's like I'm not even entitled to talk about Her (Depression), out there I know people have been abused, beaten, abandoned,etc...and they rightfully deserve help, attention but I'm a privileged white girl  who just doesn't know how to live and doesn't understand how everything went south, I don't deserve anything, probably hate from all of you, You have a reason to feel the way you feel but I don't find mine, I'm actually useless, worthless, I don't have anything to offer to the world. 
Sometimes I'm lonely, you know I had this cute boyfriend, he was sweet but never even noticed I was sick, how could he say he loved me when I was thinking about self harm every day, how could he say he loved me when he knew about my scars, my ugly relationship with food and other thousand problems without trying to help me. Ok, he was twenty too, I'm not saying he should have cured me or something  but fuck just tell me that I should get help, tell me I should go to a therapist, don't fucking say "It's gonna be ok", just help me realize it's not normal shutting down for days, thinking that I deserved to be punished because I was feeling bad. 
I realized I had Her two years ago, I was talking with this friend and she asked me how I was feeling and in a moment of bravery I told her the truth, I told her I didn't feel a lot, that everything was gray and she said joking "Damn, It's like Depression" and I was like "....yes,like depression..." I don't even know how much I cried that night. Well, I realized something was off years prior but you know, admitting to yourself you have Her it's hard because you're admitting to your pride that you need actual help, that you can't do this alone. 
Friends and family don't know anything at all, It's just they wouldn't get it, I've always been a high sensitive person and even before I couldn't talk about some thoughts with them, yes, you could say "You should make new friends" and I agree but I should hang out, expose myself and I don't feel worthy. 
I'm failing university, I spent so many days in bed thinking about the worst things of myself that I cannot seem to see my future anymore, I don't know what I'm doing with my life, I'm a comet and I'm going to burn against the atmosphere of the world and at this point I don't even know if I want to stop.
 I have two months to try and find a new way to live with myself, to try to be happy again, to try to feel everything this Universe has to offer but I don't know If I'm strong enough to do it.
I don't want to die, It's just that sometimes I want peace. Peace can be found in a lot of ways, one is starting to accept myself but it's difficult, I think I'm gonna try, I'm gonna give myself this chance and at the end I'm gonna tell you, stranger, what is gonna be of me.
Even if I don't know you, in the purest and sweetest way, I love you, 
Dalia