First off I want to start by saying I HATE BPD. l genuinely hate what this disorder does to my brain. I have had anxiety and depression (and bpd) for as long as I can remember but I can handle the symptoms of depression and anxiety pretty well now. But BPD messes with my logic so much. I can bd happy in a relationship but my brain will try to find a reason to reach out to a toxic ex or even worse I'll feel the need to end things with my partner because of a false narrative my mind makes up about other people.  Like how can I be in a 'healthy' relationship if 50% of the time I have to remind myself to not act on my urge to end things even though the emotions and logic behind ending a otherwise healthy relationship seems like the right answer. It is so challenging having to keep pushing forward when you don't know what way is up or down.