My friend invited me to hang out with her other friends that I have never met before and I had to turn that down because I was so anxious to go and I posted about that before here but I still feel AWFUL because she was so excited and I let her down I can’t do anything and she hasn’t messaged me since she probably hates me at this point I have phone anxiety aswell so I find it hard to message her but I miss her so much god I’m so self absorbed she hasn’t messaged me since and it’s only been a few days and she started college but jesus christ I don’t know why it’s making me so anxious I’m breaking down over it what if I’ve messed everything up I’m such a handful and my friends are always so considerate and so nice I feel so bad all the time and then there’s this other thing that happened with my other friend who isn’t anymore and I was at my LOWEST and she KNEW and made it worse and she was supposed to be my friend I went through HELL because of her and I’m talking HELL for two years and then all the other years and it messed everything up and it’s been months and I still havent recovered from it all and I don’t think I ever will all I can think about is HER and how I want to prove her wrong and how I keep living my life accordingly to her I’ve had ENOUGH I just want care and comfort from someone that’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted  fuck everyone