I feel like an awful person. Recently I've kinda entered another depressive episode and I genuinely don't want to speak to anyone outside of school. Normally I would be left alone since my friends don't really talk to me much online and sometimes it bums me out because I'm not as social as I want to be, but for the most part I've gotten comfortable with the system we got going. A few days ago, I reached out to a friend I lost contact with a few months ago because I wanted closure. However, this was taken by them that we would be friends again and I said "sure why not?" then I realized why it was so hard for me to be friends with that person. They constantly want to talk, on call, on text, everything. 

Every night, they call me and the conversation always goes nowhere. It doesn't help that when we talk their main objective is to annoy me as much as possible, even when I tell them to stop doing certain things because I'm getting irritated or uncomfortable. I know that I should be responsible for who I have in my life, and if I don't want to be friends with someone I don't have to. But I feel so shitty for reaching out to them and then immediately regretting my decision. 

I've explained that sometimes I just don't want to talk and they understand that but I don't feel they understand the level I'm talking about. I'm about to go on winter break and I am for real thinking of telling him that I straight up just don't want to talk for the entire break.  

Relationships are so hard to keep up with and I feel like I'm just making myself feel miserable for trying to appease others.