I’m so tired of not knowing who I am. I am tired of going into rage for no reason. I’ve been having a manic episode for the past couple weeks. Longest I’ve had. And everything sets me off. My husbands can’t take it anymore. I know they are hurt and I can only apologize so much before the words lose their meaning.. I wish I was never born or could just stop existing. I’m pushing the only two people who care about me away and I can’t stop. I over analyze every aspect of my emotions and self in general. I don’t even have an identity. I don’t know who I am. I don’t feel that I have a purpose of the will to keep going much longer. 

I am thinking about leaving the husbands because I’m tired of hurting them. I wish I knew what to do. My heart is breaking. I hate seeing them suffer. 

The feeling of being an emotional walking claymore is… overwhelming. I am not sure what to do with life. Or if I want it at all anymore. I’m tired. And lonely.