My younger sibling has relapsed again. I was browsing through my phone when I suddenly got sensitive with the silence. She cried out loud how she wanted to hurt us and screamed again. My hands trembled while those scenes where I'm in the dark flashes on my mind. I've been there...or I'm still there?

When my parents always told me to understand YS ( I understand her) and to always choose the right word to deal with her...it sounded like we were in the wrong and they were blaming us on her condition. Like today, she almost hurt one of my siblings who unconsciously said that one word "I'll kick you" that she's sensitive about...it sounded like a joke to me, but not to her. My parents were disappointed and accused us again. You can't control people. Even if you want to always say kind words to a depressed person it is never easy as we too have a situation. It is always easy to point fingers and blame others. But it's not ok for us too, who are listening to her loud cries. We are always walking on thin ice. She can voice her problems and misery, but we can't do that. No one will listen to us who have no psychiatric prescription drugs.

I am asking myself again if I am ok. I've been in a really bad shape for a few months when I lost my scholarship in college and was forced to drop out. I was a mess and I'm all over the place, I feel like I'm on the edge of the cliff. I wanted to end it all as I couldn't see my future, there's always a wall. I was alone figuring how to take a step forward. They should never have known that I was very very lonely. They have YS already. YS has a strong emotional support. I never went to a psychiatrist, but I think I'm ok. But whenever YS relapses again it triggers my sadness (I can't put it into words) and I'm afraid that I'm gradually heading on 'that' stage. For anyone here who has depressed loved ones and has the same situation as me, I'd like to hear from you.