So I’m 15 and I’ve been bullied (physically and emotionally) from the age of 11 to probably 12 till I moved to another school where I wasn’t bullied but regularly picked on like people calling me names or making fun of me for being fat. Im 15 now and started to work out a little and I’m gonna join a martial arts gym in a week. Our family has two dogs and my mom wanted to go on a walk with them but my sister is away and my dad left when I was 11 so my mom asked me to go on a walk. I don’t have a problem with walking the dogs I love dogs but every time I’m out of the house I just feel so insecure and scared that I will meet my former bullies and that they pick on me or beat me up and I don’t want that to happen with my mom standing besides me. So I told my mom that she can walk 1 dog and when she comes back I will walk the second dog. ( As I Said earlier, I would much rather get picked on without my mom seeing it or knowing about it) Just when I finished my sentence my mom immediately got angry and told me to just get over it and that we will not see anyone who wants to hurt me, then she got silent and walked away with both dogs and ignored me when I tried to explain to her that I’m sorry but I can’t do simple things like that NOW, i first need to gain some confidence in my self before I can do that. My mom probably doesn’t believe me and thinks that I’m just embarrassed to go on a walk with my mom.... God... I hate myself for being so weak but also im angry that my mom is ok if my sister sits all day in her room because she has “depression” but my mental health is just something I should “get over”. I miss my dad although he was the one who has put fear in me to fight back because he said that If I knock someone’s teeth out, it’s going to be very expensive
I can’t wait to do martial arts and gain some fucking confidence, I just know that if I know how to defend my self and others, I won’t feel so scared anymore