I struggle the most at night when I'm alone and the distractions of the day are gone. It hits me like a ton of bricks and makes me feel like I'm suffocating or drowning. Its been made 1000x worse by having the person I always talked to and loved the most leave. I tried so hard to show them I wasn't always thr problem and that they needed help to not let their past control them and yet I was always the problem still. So now I'm left in a void at night thinking of how I failed them and couldn't help them and im also left feeling like a failure for them not being around even tho it hurt. It's a cycle that only fuels itself and I'm not sure how to stop it. I won't hurt myself, I knot that much, I guess I just needed somewhere to get it out in the open and not feel alone with the thoughts.