I broke up with my long-term girlfriend, and I thought I would feel better for it. I thought things would be easier, because I wouldn’t have to deal with that drama anymore. But fuck it. I miss her. Or the idea of being in a relationship rather. I’m bored out of my skull, and there’s no one I’m comfortable around anymore. I’m stuck in my head constantly now, with my extreme agoraphobia. I want nothing to do with people period, and at the same time I crave affection. I’m so done with this mess of emotions I’m dealing with. I need a companion, a human one, but I have no one. And it’s really slow to find a new companion, because it’s hard to weed out assholes. I just need someone I can be physically around and talk to, who I’m comfortable giving and receiving affection from. But I have no one. No one cares to be that person for me either. I want to give up on people. People don’t like me, why should I like them. God my agoraphobia is so bad, it’s gotten worse now without having a girlfriend. I can’t even go outside the house. I barely leave my bedroom. I’m so afraid of someone hurting me. I’m so afraid that once I reach out to even say hello, I’ll be met with meanness. I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I need therapy, but I’m afraid to make phone calls. And when I have made calls, no one has responded. I want to go to sleep and never wake back up into this living nightmare.