derealization is killing me

hi, im 13 years old autist
this is my first post so i dont really know how to format all of this, but anyway

i've had childhood trauma with my abusive and alcoholic dad for my entire life and cut contact with him january this year.

i am currently seeing a therapist but its not really helping

school is really killing me, i cant focus or feel anything, i cant study and im failing all of my classes already

recently i've gone into a depressive episode and i'm experiencing derealization daily.

it's terrifying because i dont wanna live the rest of my life going to work or school because theyre the reason i want to kill myself

but on the other hand i think about my mom who would probably commit suicide aswell if i did.

i am hopeless for my future and i have 0 options

does anyone have any advice or anything