For the past couple days, I feel fine. I've had a few irritable outbursts that lasted a few minutes, tops, and I've still had to ask for reassurance from my SO. I've also occasionally murmured/mumbled to myself as usual, saying things like "run away, run away" (from my thoughts and feelings, particularly from memories of the distant or near past and the shame it accompanies). However, I've mostly been riding a "high" in the past two days. I'm either calm and neutral, or visibly content, or I'm excitable and giggling uncontrollably. The last one scares my SO a little bit. Ha.

Does anyone else go through these periods of happiness and feel as if you must have *never* been sick? That perhaps you were previously being weak and childish, that you likely over-exaggerated your perceived struggles? That's what I'm experiencing right now, though at least I have the mind to *try* reminding myself that this is probably not the case (I think). I've felt this way too many times, only to end up emotionally dysregulating again to the point where I am chronically stressed and anxious. To the point where I verbally abuse my SO in anger, and then want to kill myself from being so fucking exhausted and hopeless.

Who else can relate to this?