For the first time in my life, things are finally starting to make sense. Six months ago, I tried to end my life. Since then, I’ve made a lot of changes regarding every aspect of my life - relationships, living situation, employment, cutting out toxic people, beliefs. For a while, I was genuinely starting to happy, which was something I had truly forgotten I could feel because it has been so long. But now, I feel lower than low, somehow worse than I did six months ago when it got so bad I thought it was unbearable. Now, I feel like that was easy to deal with.

I don’t think I have ever felt this depressed. The sadness physically hurts. I did not know that emptiness could feel this heavy. And I don’t understand why. I am finally in a happy, healthy relationship; I have my own place; I work a good job with good people and have a stable income. The one thing I wish I had was more friends, I do feel incredibly lonely. But other than that, my life makes sense. I don’t know how I can feel so sad. I don’t know how it can take so much effort to even wake up anymore. I thought I was starting to get better. Now all I’m consumed by is darkness and the constant wish to escape this life I’m burdened with. I wish my attempt had worked, everything would be simpler.