Idk. I know bpd doesn't mean im a bad person.  I fought to get this diagnosis to get targeted help. I have grown due to my diagnosis. But my ex likes to use it against me and uses it to excuse him abusing ME. I know im not the stigmatized version of bpd. I'm not a narcissist my behaviours were based on years of learned behaviours.  Im not evil and manipulative. My crying episodes aren't planned, I wasnt able to control myself. 

So tired of bpd being a cluster b. Our behaviours look selfish but were just good people who don't understand love or how to communicate properly. Our parents and abusers did this to us and were tossed aside as of we arent victims. 

I like my new therapist a lot. I am looking to get rediagnosed so my ex can't throw this at me in court but I dont want to get rediagnosed because "bpd means you are a bad person who is malicious". Which is not her words its just the words of the internet. A collective description of us based on peoples opinions on what they see on the outside. 

I am borderline. Its just not black and white, which we experience black and white thinking and are told to not give into it yet normal people can see our behaviours and disorder in black and white? Were all shades of grey!!