From the outside looking in things are great. I have a wife, 3 kids, a small business and a lot of freedom to do as I please. But I’m not outside looking in, I’m stuck in my head and I’m in a very dark place. I have no motivation and can barely get out of bed in the mornings. My anxiety/depression runs rampant throughout my mornings to the point I usually end up vomiting. When I finally leave for the day I usually have a couple hours of clarity before returning to the depths of my mind. By the end of the day I’m back at home sitting in my office staring at the wall wondering why I choose to go on. I choose to go on for my children and the fact that I could never leave them in this dark world intentionally. But the fact remains that I can not go on living like this. Feeling this way. I’m literally sitting here in silence as I scream as loudly as possible inside my head. As my hands shake, my stomach turns and this feeling of hopelessness once again surrounds me I have no clear options left. I have resorted to making a post on Reddit and I am not really sure why. Maybe I just needed to write it down, maybe I am screaming for help. I really don’t know anymore. I think I’m just going to take a drive and try to zone everything out for awhile. I’m tired. As tired as I’ve ever been.