Currently without health insurance and on my third across country move in 5 years. 

I’ve been  feeling abandoned, angry and afraid the last couple of years after a break up.  I’ve been feeling unworthy, and have  numbed with a mild  spending spree with my savings, and  have had risky sex with escorts, sugar babes and hookers. Thank  god no are stds yet, but I need to get tested again just to confirm. I always wear a condom. But I’m starting to realize this loneliness and angry and risky behavior isn’t right… 

Ive been living an isolated life for the past 5 years and more so since covid. Seriously  if I don’t go see a stripper there are months we’re I have contact with no one. Having no relationship is hard. I can’t tell if it’s me pushing people away, constantly moving or if I just have BPD. How do I find out? I’m tired of this marry go round. Sometimes when I tell myself I need to avoid this risky behavior I just think what’s the point no one gives a shit about me what does it matter.