i really love you, but this love hurts me. i shouldn't continue this. i have to leave. you make me feel even more sick. it hurts so much i can not breathe. my feelings can change just in a moment. i just need to see, hear or think about you. what I have in my head, what I realize, my thoughts, true or not, they can change my feelings. my whole mood changes. one moment i am happy, then i start crying and start feeling that i will never be healthy. thats whats happening now. i was really happy, without a reason even trying to hold back my affection not to show you any more love. not to make myself more stupid. and everything changed just in a second. now i am crying, feeling stupid, questioning my actions. i hate it that you have such an influence on me. even if i leave you, i know the cycle will repeat itself with the next person. i will always suffer. i don’t know how to stop this, all i know is that i cannot continue with this cycle any longer. i feel like there is nothing that can fix me. i want to be the center of my life, me, not another person. but i cant do it and i hate it. it hurts. it hurts now even when i’m crying.