I feel as though there's two versions of me; one that is eternally childlike, and another that was prematurely mature, and that I switch between the two depending on the situation. I collect dolls, I watch mostly kids TV shows, read kids books, etc, but I've also been engaging in reckless and dangerous substances and relationships since I was fifteen. The weird thing is, when I'm in that 'childlike' state I don't feel responsible for the behavior? I don't know how to explain it any better than a feeling of "oh, that wasn't me", completely confident. When I catch myself switching, it feels really fucking weird, though---like the other day I was reading Harry Potter or something, and then got a text and started making plans for sleeping with this guy---and all of a sudden I felt just disgusted and repulsed by my younger self, had to put down the book, lock myself in the bathroom to calm down because I felt so weird. I don't know if other people experience this or if I'm actually just going nuts.