I haven’t felt loved in… let me correct myself. I haven’t been loved by my family in a long time. My sisters think I’m a terrible brother because I don’t have to ability to crawl out of my cave and pretend to be happy. My dad doesn’t have the ability to see me as anything but a disappointment. I am one. And my mom can’t come to terms with the fact that I’m not that warm, “always happy”, little boy who wore ties over Batman t-shirts. She’d rather be angry that the kid who “saw the best in everyone and made the best in every situation” is now cold and distant. I became a realist and all of the ignorant optimists hated me for it. My parents are trying so hard not to get rid of me. They can’t handle that I have a mind of my own. I’m not obedient anymore. I’m not afraid of my father anymore. They want to throw me out into the street and forget I was ever their son. If I ever told them how I really feel, they would certainly do it. “I don’t have the heart to tell the lady who gave me life that I don’t want to live anymore?” And I hate myself for who I am now. I want to go back to being ignorant and happy. Ignorance is bliss. Then I’d be someone my family could live with.