After research and pleanty of time spent learning and gaining knowledge on my allfiction, which is BPD, I am starting to realize and make connections and understandings between all of my actions, feelings, and impulses and how they all trace back to BPD. In essence I simply never realized how serious it all was until I attempted suicide...twice. It took me by surprise and I think that is in a way, sort of a good thing. I now know I have some serious issues, which take serious work and good chunks of time to overcome. I think for all of us, even just being here, helps. Its good to have an outlet and be able to read, write, and get feedback from others in similar positions. I know this is an insanely tough disorder to break free from but working towards being better and doing all you can, even when you are in the lowest of the low, is important. Keep making progress and striving to find yourself. We are all here for each other. I accept I have BPD, but I will not let it define who I am and how my life pans out.