i’m a 20 year old male that has never opened up with my emotions because i was always told not too i kept them bottling up until i’d just have mental breakdowns today was the worst of it i couldn’t control myself and i raged hard braking everything is sight i didn’t want too i kept trying to stop it was just so god damn hard i don’t know how to express myself and when i do it’s pure rage i’m tired of feeling like the hulk and uncontrollable and most of all i miss being genuinely happy it’s been so long since i’ve had a real laugh or smile my head constantly telling me that i’m a piece of shit i was told to talk to someone but that’s the hardest thing to do every time i try and open my mouth to say something i get the biggest lump in my throat and i feel like i’m gonna throw up it’s hard going out too my brother will ask me if i wanna go anywhere with him and i say no because i feel like my stomach is sinking i’m below weight and everyone makes a remark about it but i just don’t have an appetite anymore it’s like it hurts to eat i’ve never made a post or talked about this and this is just skimming the surface of how i feel it’s insanely difficult to try and fit in anymore i lost all my friends and i feel like everyone is dicking me over in life i have no goals or ambition i feel lost and distant from reality i’ll look in the mirror and it’s not even me no more i hope it gets better like everyone says bc idk how much longer i can take this