my brain is super fucked from years of trauma, genetics, all that stuff. now I'm not self diagnosing just saying that if shit like anxiety disorder, depression, or adhd are genetic I most likely inherited all of them. there's no way the way I am is normal. one hour I'm hyper talking all the time. the next im think about how shitty everything around me is and how I probably ended a friendship or two by accident. when people yell I start to shake or even cry (not even at me) (for some reason music with screaming is the only exception, that doesn't affect me). I'm always scared if I mess up I'll get abandoned or punished (even with good friends). I never feel alive, soulful if you would. I feel empty, just a brain, nothing more, made to suffer through these emotions daily. I constantly have a voice telling me what I did wrong in my head. I can never focus (it's not a literally voice, more of a thought, telling me I guess) idk if this is all from my childhood or if I'm just build to function like this. I've never thought about suicide but I have thought that if I died it might make all these emotions stop. ( again I am not suicidal but if im dying I won't do anything to stop it ) I'm tired typing this cause I can't sleep and late night emotions, maybe some sleep will make me feel better, this may get deleted in the future.