i don’t want this to sound self-indulgent and I do think I am slowly getting better finally with the help of lifestyle changes/different mindset etc etc but I’m just finding it so crazy that some people will never know what it’s like to be this low and feel this unmotivated and lonely. Like they’ll never know what it’s like to fall out of touch with the real world until you’re completely isolated and in survival mode; it feels like time has come to a standstill whilst you stagnate with each day indistinguishable from the next. It feels so debasing and sad. I’m so jealous of them because they are manifestations of what I could have been. Whenever I meet new people and talk about my life I feel like I have to gloss over massive chunks spent completely alone with no human contact whilst simultaneously exaggerating the ‘good’/normal parts because I know they won’t understand  and will think of me not as a normal teenager who has done teenager things but as like some weird hermit. It’s honestly embarassing and exhausting :(