It really sucks to know that I’m nowhere near my boyfriend’s preferences. We casually talked about it a few times and it seems like he likes almost any type of girl but me. Please don’t say “but if he’s staying with you it means he loves you” cause I already tried to remind that to myself but it just doesn’t change the way I feel. 

I’ve always had a very low self esteem and I’ve hated my body for as long as I remember. And seeing all the hot girls he’s following and liking on social media didn’t really help. We already talked about that but I still feel bad about it… Now, everytime I see asian girls, long haired brunettes or short haired blondes I can’t help but think that I’m so fucking ugly, that he probably likes those girls more, that I’ll never be as hot as they are, that I’m not enough and I’ll never be. I eventually start splitting and spiral into suicidal thoughts. I try everything to feel better about myself, I try to feel pretty, I eat healthy, I workout… but eventually the thoughts kick in and I always end up feeling like shit. 

So I know it’s normal to feel attracted to other people even if you’re in a relationship, I’m not blaming my boyfriend. 
When I’m in love with someone, my world revolves around that person and I feel attracted to that person only. Other people don’t exist anymore. I just wished he could feel the same about me but it’s just impossible. 

I know I’m not the only one in this situation, who else feels like this too? How do you cope? I want to accept this but i I just can’t, and I’ve never felt so insecure in my whole life.