so I met this guy on hinge and he is super sweet (im not used to this). I did everything right (not having sex till he took me out) because I didnt want to end up in a lot of the situations ive been in that have been super bad for me. he's accomplished, works in finance and is very stable. initially, I didn't want to give him a chance because he rescheduled twice and I had to go back to school 5 hours away. eventually I came back to the city 2 months later and he reached out to me and set a date for us to go out, I'd never been on a date before, so it was really nice. we went to this cute bar and hit it off, then walked back to his place. we got home, made out then had sex. he finished in like 5 strokes and apologized and then asked if I was mad he finished that fast lol. It didnt strike me as insecure, I thought it was actually cute at the time! most of the people I've fucked definitely dont consider me or how I feel so it was nice that he gave me head and didnt ask me to reciprocate or anything lol. then we had sex again and were just cuddling and talking and he invites me to his birthday party thats gonna be in two days (another thing I liked because it meant he'd introduce me to his friends and everything)

so back to cuddling: he says America is the best country. and I, a black woman, obviously digress lol. so I tell him I want to move overseas and then I can tell hes a trump supporter bc hes like but do you really think it'd be better anywhere else? and im like yeah, as a black woman I do. and THEN he says "race relations aren't as bad as the media makes it seem" so im like first of all thats not your place to say as a wealthy blonde white man with blue eyes and then I just shut down the conversation because I dont want to talk politics and realize I made a huge mistake by fucking him. 

fast forward to the party: a few of my friends are there because we went to the same School so we just start talking and im having a good time. he goes up to my friend when we're not tg and repeatedly keeps asking if im mad at him, which I wasn't?? there was no reason for me to be? I was having a good time and thought everything was fine so it was strange and struck me as insecure. then im doing coke in his room with a few ppl and he walks in and does some too and everyone's talking and I see a ben Shapiro book on his tv stand so I start freaking the fuck out and and he flat out says hes a republican and is voting for trump and is OBVIOUSLY not racist and widens his eyes at me which was extremely offensive. also I told him my dad is a victim of police brutality and he tried to one up me and say his jewish father was stoned in Chicago which is so not the same? a hate crime and police brutality are not the same and the way black ppl have been treated in this country is fucking disgusting so the way that he could say that really hurt my feelings. also a girl in the room was telling me her friend used to hu w him and told me to stop because he just sucked so bad ( and I started to see it).

so at this point its the end of the night and I can see he looks really stressed so I try to help out by picking up some cups and he SNATCHES them out of my hand and tells me not to worry about it and that someone else will clean it. so I go to his room and we're just talking and he seems pissed (bc his house is a "mess") and im like so do u want me to leave? and he's like "I just want to sleep by myself wake up, work out, and have the housekeeper come and clean in the morning" so im like lol so thats a yes, got it. and he doesnt even call my uber home (which he did after our date) and keeps asking me if "I hate him" so im like dude ew stop with that shit like I dont hate you and thats such an ugly word, its dramatic and insecure, and I just dont understand why you invited me if you didnt want me to spend the night or have sex? like wasn't that the point?  so he walks me downstairs and tries to kiss me and I move my face because wtf? and then he's like yeah you definitely hate me so I just scoff and get in my uber bc I hate the self pity shit. then he texts me like "im sorry I suck" and the next day he snapchats me and I leave him on opened and he texts me and is like "how was your day" so I respond dryly and then the NEXT day he snapchats me asking me a random ass question so im like cut the shit what do you want and he's like "i dont know id like to hang out again i dont know why this is getting so intense" and im like dude youre the one who disrespected me and was extremely childish and were being a fucking brat. so he apologizes and im like thank you, we can hang out again but first sign of brattiness im out the door. and he's like "well you sound like you hate me" so I get pissed and im like I dont fucking hate you I wouldn't be speaking to you if that was the case  im setting my boundaries and youre literally 4 years older than me can you act like it??? this is so ridiculous. and then he realizes hes being crazy and chills out. 

 I feel kinda bad at this point (i dont know why) so I texted him and was like hey Im sorry I didnt mean to be so abrasive I was just getting frustrated bc I felt like you weren't getting my point and but id like to hang out again also. so he texts me back and is like dont worry about it we can hang soon if you'd like. so im like ok and all is well and we just kinda keep talking throughout the week but hes already on thin ice with me. so then Friday comes and im like hey do you want to hang and hes like I cant tonight bc I have a party but how about Sunday? so im like ok Sunday works and Sunday comes and im like hey do u still wanna hang today and hes like "idk maybe, could be better to just do another day this week" and I just respond "lol no" and he says "why haha" so I just dont respond and block him on like everything bc who has the time for that??? 

fast forward to now, my friend who's friends w his best friend is on FaceTime with him and hes like "hey im throwing a party for \_\_\_ Friday you can bring (me) but I think she hates me, she hates me right" so my friend is like  wtf can u relax and hes like "I just think u can bring her but she hates me" 

so my final question is: is it weird if I go to the party even tho its at his house? I literally haven't gone out in forever and I want to go and have fun but I haven't talked to him since I blocked him. is it gonna look desperate on my part?? am I gonna look like I want him back (I have bpd so I literally get obsessive and since the idea of the party was presented im like omg he likes me maybe things will be different) :( am I getting my hopes up?? what should I do. any comments and suggestions welcome