I tried to throw myself out of an Uber on the highway

I had been doing better recently. I got a therapist a few weeks ago and had been attending a group therapy weekly for a trauma I experienced. I’ve been diagnosed in the past with Major Depressive Disorder and then later on Bipolar by another therapist/psychiatrist. My current therapist knows this but we haven’t discussed it yet. She has however diagnosed me with PTSD from some of the events I have been through this year in my relationship. I’m sure I have it from childhood as well but that’s a conversation for another day. 

 Lately my suicidal thoughts haven’t been as intense or frequent. But on Saturday I went out with my ex to a Halloween bar crawl. Everything went well. Then I blacked out and have no memories besides a quick memory of trying to throw myself out of an Uber on the highway at the end of the night while my ex and I were arguing about I don’t even remember what. I remember being confused and thinking it was the previous Halloween (2021) when he was extremely verbally abusive in an Uber and then he went to the hotel and destroyed all my belongings. 

When we got back to the hotel this year, he had security kick me off the property. Rightfully so because I was actively trying to kill myself before we got there, screaming in public, etc.

I feel so ashamed. I have been doing so much better emotionally lately and then of course I did this. I’m scared to tell my therapist because I’m so embarrassed of how bad my behavior and mental health truly is.