I 20F met my current bf M21 in Jan.
A month ago, I saw a snapchat from his ex girlfriend then hours later saw she sent him a tiktok when we were scrolling together. After seeing both those things, I ask if he still kept contact with her. He answered saying he felt bad she got lonely and would respond to her and so they did chat every once and awhile. 

The bad part is, he mentioned that he almost had gone over to her house when she invited him “a few weeks ago or so”, but he didn’t. With this info, I made the assumption that a couple of weeks implied early/mid february, which I was okay with because at that point we had only known each other for a month, so why would I expect full loyalty that early into talking. 

Months pass(to now), and I frequently feel insecure about her existence and whether they still were talking. It consumes my thoughts so much, I start questioning if he was “making her feel less lonely” while he was saying such intense and romantic things at the same time. He had said I love you before I even knew he still talked to his ex.

I began trying to pinpoint when exactly this ex invitation occurred so I could stop invalidating the feelings he had for me in relation to this betrayal i felt.

I finally asked him a more specific date of when that happened for peace of mind. But his answer destroyed me. He told me it had happened at the very end of March. At that point, he had told me I was perfect, I was the last thing he was waiting for, that he LOVED me. How could all of this been true when he texted his ex frequently and almost went over to her house ‘to watch a movie’. 

We talked about it more, he provided more context, saying they didnt keep contact at all until they began chatting on snap again, then moved to texting. I asked when they began texting and he said it was around when we first met because she would text him but he would be at my house so he would ghost her those days.

He said after I saw her snap and tiktok message, he communicated to her that he was seeing someone he had feelings for to set a boundary between them. He also informed me she just moved out of state.

I still feel so angry. I don’t trust the sweet things anymore, I feel destroyed. I plan to see him again this weekend , but I don’t know how to bring this up without a) breaking down more and b) beating a dead horse

I don’t want to leave. I know he wouldn’t cheat, but I don’t trust the honesty of his love and feelings for me. I feel so guilty for thinking everything he said was a lie. But how could I not? He knows I have BPD, and is fairly receptive to my emotions and gentle with them, but I still feel like I got shot in the fucking chest.

TL;DR
BF still talked to ex when he said i love you ect ect and i can’t stop crying over it