This is the worst I felt in years. I hate this state yet I can't figure out how to dig myself from this hole. 

Days seems to be the same, I don't go out at all. I can't force myself to do anything. I lost interest in whatever I start. 

I think it started after I moved. I was living in a country which I enjoyed, I did well there, I made a career there, gain a lot of experience and skill. Then I moved to a place which didn't necessarily loved but it was bearable. I laser focused on myself. I was working from home, I started running, went from couch to ultramarathon in one year, lost 154lbs/70kg also in one year. I was working from home, I was struggling with staying focus but somehow I managed to push trough.

Then I moved again, this time to place I absolutely hate and I'm stuck here almost for ever. I was still running but more and more out of habit and as a measure to run away from problems. Focusing at work hit rock bottom but since I have a lot of "good keywords" on my resume I'm still getting hired. At some point I stopped running, I discovered I have ankylosing spondylitis and I was unable to walk. Depression hit hard, yet somehow I pulled myself up once again, did whatever I could, I started walking again and running and hit again decent weekly mileage, but there was no enjoyment in that, just brute force of last part of my brain pushing myself out of the door in winter in the middle of the night to run (couple years earlier I actually loved the most running in most miserable conditions I could). Then, 6 months later, AS hit again, I stopped walking again. After pills AS went away for now but I can't force myself to fight anymore. My concentration and work is in a dump for years now. It was degrading even in times when I was hyper focused on running and weight loss. 

I'm jumping from job to job, making decent money but failing every couple months. I work fully  remotely (since 4 years ago I moved from the "nice place"), it's stupid but I bought every piece of equipment that I thought that was distracting or stopping me or restricting me in any way. There's nothing else left, other than me, to blame for my current work under performance. I can't finish any deadline, I can't focus on anything, I can't pull myself out of bed, I just think of falling a sleep and pretty much never wake up. It's not that I have any suicidal thoughts but sleep is the only place where I can exist without that awful heaviness in my head.

What can I do? How to fight this thing? I tried therapy, got to people that failed me, or I wasn't interesting enough case for them, idk. One therapist said "there are people that need more help than you", another was even less organized than I am (which is an actual achievement), 3rd - an actually decent one, I kind of lost - long story.

I always treated myself with kind of "suck it princess" attitude. I was throwing myself at impossible and doing it, against whole world which was usually telling me that I can't do something, and it worked for years. I just can't anymore, everywhere around me are those impossible walls that I just can't go through, I know it, sometimes I tried to pass them but in most cases those obstacles have no way around, they're just there, unmovable, crushing my soul with their existence which cannot be ended. I just can't fight with whole world anymore.