I'm happy

And that's the problem because there is no fucking problem. The only problem thats actually there is the one I'm making for myself. I can't wrap my head around the fact I'm happy and that the people I'm with can be happy too, with me or without me. My happiness doesn't depend on anyone and I know this. But its like this psychological mind trip of constantly questioning, constantly self sabotaging everything good that happens. 

Nothing is bloody wrong other than my bloody mind. I'm looking for every red flag, every possibility that something is going to fuck up....so I can be prepared. So I can try and land softly. When all I end up doing is questioning every little single thing that's good for no reason other than preparing for the worst.

I can't wait to start therapy. I can't wait to stop feeling and thinking like this. 
There is literally nothing that wrong. Why does my brain function in such a manner that I am in a constant state of worry? 
Fuck.