TW; mention of sexual assault, loss of a family member and addiction, suicidal thoughts

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I know y'all are not doctors or psychiatrists but I am truly sooo confused. So my back story is I have been through a ton of trauma. Sexual assault, r@pe, the loss of my father, addiction in myself and my mother, etc. I have been on antidepressants since I was 13, I have cylced through them so much. I always felt they helped, but could be doing MORE if that makes sense. So when my father died, my mom became too unstable to take care of me and I moved across country to live with my grandparents. I finally got a psychiatrist after my third antidepressant was not working. He said I have a mood disorder and I was just on celexa at the time so we added trileptal. it was perfect. Okay great I was stable, happy, etc. Then something scary happened. DPDR (depersonalization/derealization) hit. This time it did not go away. It was constant. I thought I was quite literally dying or my meds were causing me to be constantly dizzy and shit. Got off of trileptal and celexa. nothing changed so i had to accept it was psychological. Got put on a few other meds, did not like them. Got put on prozac and HOLY FUCK. Constant anxiety. Could NOT sleep throughout the night, shaking, panic attack GALOR. I stuck it out for a month but then the suicidal thoughts hit. I have health anxiety as well since DPDR so I was like oh my god what if I do it (I truly do not think I would). So got off of prozac after I kinda snapped at my psychiatrist. So I turned 19 and aged out of that one and needed a new one. So I got a new psych who told me I either have bipolar or BPD ( I also have PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, and obviously DPDR). So she gave me seroquel then I learned I guess I had been on it years ago according to my mom, and all it did was make me sleep. I then got Lamictal and was too scared of the rash lol as I have health anxiety. So now she was frustrated with me. Saying she could put me back on trileptal, but trileptal cancels out hormonal birth control and in no way was I going to pay another 400$ for months of hell (MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE!). So she put me now on lexapro. I am so confused like can't that be dangerous if I am bipolar? I do not think I have ever had a manic episode. I mean I get like an hour of being hyped and feeling good about myself, and I am terrible with money (but isn't everyone when they first get money?) I am a college student. My biggest thing is my DPDR. it has been 8 months consistently. No breaks. But idk if I am bipolar. I just do not think I should be an SSRI if she thinks I am possibly bipolar. If I am, I am more depressed and anxious than anything. No motivation to take care of myself, constantly tired, anxiety whenever I step out of my room, isolating myself, etc. The "craziest" thing I have done is get a sugar daddy when I was 17. But that lasted quite literally a day because I got scared lmao.  What are yall's thoughts? 

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TLDR; I don't know if I am bipolar