It seems like everyone I talk to is on a different page. I believe my time on earth here is meant to help the damned but I go back and forth between wanting to live my current life and the wondering if I’m hindering the greater meaning of existence. Part of me wants to live my own life, go visit relatives, get married, live a healthy life, etc. My BFF made me feel like life with schizophrenia can still be good, but she moves away next year and I have no one to replace her. Today was unexpectedly alright. I bought lunch for my mom and I and it was quite good. I also bought cheese and my dog enjoyed having some. I did some house cleaning for my mom and went jogging… only problem is that it feels like is still quite turbulent right now. I hope that people who are damned can walk away as free people one day but years have passed and I don’t really see much change in the mentally ill community. Idk, sometimes I just want for things to be alright again.