how do any of yall manage to have a significant other for longer than a month or two? 

and does anyone else experience intense, fiery attraction toward someone who also reciprocates, and then a day later you feel nothing but emptiness and apathy for them? and that emptiness and apathy towards them won't go away no matter what?

i hate being alone and feeling alone so much, but i just feel like i shouldnt even try having a romantic relationship. because even if i do feel something for them, it will be gone suddenly. then all i ever do is hurt the person and leave them before they can leave me. that, and i cant handle failure in the slightest, so if i "fail" to attract someone im actually interested in (and its already rare for me to even be attracted to someone), it hurts. a lot. but one of the reasons i havent offed myself is because i want to have a significant other and live happily with them someday.

im aware that there is probably a much bigger underlying issue here-- my severe major depression, terrible anxiety, lack of proper therapy for my bpd, as well as still living in an abusive environment. at least im on medication, but it isn't enough.

thank you if you read this far! please help!!