Hey all. Soooooo, after a long while of not bothering with girls or feelings or relationships or anything, I've found myself unintentionally catching some feels :l

Now when I get a crush on someone, my brain just spirals out of control. The idealizations and fantasies I catch myself in the middle of (not the sexual kind to be clear), the deep need to be around this person, talking to them, getting to know them, spending time with them, anything. Its like my brain reserves a spot for something like this, and when the feelings are caught, thats all thatd occopied by this space and its alwayssss there.

Like fuck, I love liking someone, just seeing them makes my day, but my brain is such a little bitch it doesnt want to quit all the overdrive overthinking. Just a beehive of bullshit lol.

Now sure, regardless of how strongly I feel about people, you might be thinking "just ask them out". Now I would, BUT theres a bf/ex bf still around and idk what the whole situation is and Im not about to be that dickhead thats like "dump this guy", and its probably not a good idea anyways to suggest a relationship right after one has ended. Id love to get to know her more and we're gonna hangout as friends n shit and thats all I want/want myself to want right now. 

BUT

MY BRAIN IS GOING DOWN THIS RABBIT HOLE OF A SPIRAL AND IM WRESTLING IT EVERY SINGLE SECOND AS HARD AS I CAN WHILE FEELING EVERY LITTLE BIT OF IT WITH NO FILTER.

Like is this just what feelings are at this point when it comes to someone special in your life? How does anyone else manage it? Should I just avoid relationships my whole fucking life because my brain tears itself apart everytime I even have a smidge of feelings for someone? Should I say fuck it and just say I have feelings? Just..what should I do? Even just asking advice, I feel like Im cursing myself whenever I do and that the act of asking for it is what ruins me somehow.

Idk mannnn, shits fucky. Any responses at all are really appreciated, thanks all. Cheers