No one said this to me *directly*. But my family constantly say things similar to this holding the same meaning, that it's my fault for not enjoying this or that.

Masking my depression, or atleast trying to infront of my abusive family and stuck in a circumstance where I cannot escape. It's like the air I always breathe I will choke or suffocate on when they are present in the area.

Stuck on the belief that things will get better when the passage of time will not give me one more chance at this point. For years I have **tried** to fix my family situation and overcome my depression and trauma, only one chance I was given but I wasted it.

 I can't wait to hyperventilate next week or this weekend. I can't wait to go through the cycle of abuse and misery all over again. I can't wait for my interests to die out, and get another one again. I can't wait to *die.*