I am a 27 yrs old guy. Life's being rough or rough enough for me to handle. Somedays its getting worse for me. I wanted to write my thoughts somewhere so maybe other people can share some feelings like I do. I don't think there would be people using the depression subreddit to make them feel better but if so, then so be it. 

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I am studying at my 3rd university. The first one was computer programming, and I was forced to study that by my elder parents since my father died that year, they thought it would be better for me to go somewhere else and keep my head away. When I go to this university I started to feel much worse, lonely, and depressed. Whole my life I've been mocked for being some shit like most of the people did. So I was always self-hating and questioning why am I like this about my body and my looks. My hair started to fall in my 20's. In my first university turned out I have MS(Multiple-Sclerosis). I've tried to finish the programming for 5 years. But I got 4 strokes in and the last one was serious, so I had to quit. I moved to my mother's house after that, to get treated. I am considering writing about all those bad moments in my life but that would be so boring to read and write. I don't even know what good it will do to me. I am currently studying English Literature with 7 years younger people than me. I have no handicaps anymore, but I  don't feel like I belong here. I can't make any friends as they do. I don't belong to any big or small community. I've never been a fan of politics or sports groups. I don't believe in any religion. I have a cat blind in one eye. That's all I have. I truly believe that if I die nothing would be different except for my mother and sister. At this age, I know a man has to have some responsibilities. Recently I completed a book translation job, but after I had done that I did feel even more purposeless. I sometimes get mad at myself because there are people in much worse conditions than me, but this doesn't make me feel any better. I feel like I'm too late to live this life and I've been feeling this way for so long. I don't expect any sympathy or anything. I just wanted to write because today was one of the worst. 

My best friend (at least that's what I've thought) betrayed me too. This really made me tremble and shake for almost half an hour. I couldn't get up straight. It's 2 AM and I need to wake up 5 hours later. It was impossible to sleep. The only expectation I have by writing this is, that I won't get hurt or disappointed because I won't have the will to check if people reading this(as if someone would) commented something.  

I know I will feel regret after writing and posting this but I'll add another one to the list.