Hi, I don’t usually share my emotions but I was hoping to give this a shot because I don’t know how to cope with this. I was in a emotionally abusive relationship last year and it ended horribly.. he ended the relationship hours after I found out my dad had cancer (he knew, he just couldn’t wait). In the midst of the breakup I found out I was pregnant and I was not sure if I wanted to terminate the pregnancy or not— I was 20 at the time so I was freaked out. I decided I wanted to continue my pregnancy. When I told my ex, he wasn’t there for me at all. I guess all the stress and sadness I went through affected the outcome. When I told him I miscarried he told me , “everything happens for a reason” and was pretty dismissive. He even called my baby a “micro-organism” and told a friend of mine he didnt care about me. Everytime I tried talking about this, I was quickly dismissed. I feel so guilty; I feel like I killed my baby sometimes and I know that sounds irrational but I can’t erase the memory and pain I went through the day I miscarried. It replays in my head constantly. Fast forward to now, I see that my ex gets to enjoy what I was deprived of. He’s  expecting a child soon and takes care of kids that aren’t even his. I live in a small town so word gets around fast and it feels like I can’t escape him in a sense. I don’t know why I feel even worse? I’m sorry if this makes no sense, I just can’t bottle it up.