I am a 26F, divorced with no kids working as an accountant for a global company. Living with mom (who got also divorced two months ago) and my brother, we blth live in a seperate apartemwnts but on same building.

So lately, I found myself in a situation where I randomly started to excess drink, not doing my work tasks as supposed to do, not having the same energy to keep pushing and doing my regular things (going out with the girls, have some coffee in a nice place, doing laundary each sunday or wednesday, make my breakfast, do the house, wtch a movie.... etc) those small things that usually a normal person would do through the day.

I am no longer able to answer phone calls, get a proper conversation with someone as I noticed I usually have my head full with nothing while the other party is sharing their thoughts/conversation. 

My work takes much of my time and I have switched to the new place a year ago, also, I moved from 3 different houses in since 2019.

I have no time to go gym/long walks or swim as my duty takes place multiple different times a day (9AM-1PM) (3PM-8 or 9PM).

The jump in my career from a trainee accountant to an area accounts manager with a full team to manage actually was a little bit difficult, I am still managing.


My question is, I can no longer have the motive to do any thing.. I dont even want to wake up and meet my family, yet I do.. go back to my place, get two three drinks. Fall asleep, wake up the following morning do my job as fast as I can and if I could do it online I had sometimes doing it over the bed and go back to sleep. My place looks dark, I rarley open the lights as it really annoys me and I prefer not to. 

Sometimes instead of drinking I would take one or two sleeping pills so I fall asleep and just cut everything of.

Well, I deleted social media apps (exept for twitter) and cancelled many outings just for the reason that I dont really want to see people anymore.

Back to work, I started working since 2015, till now.. My longest vacation lasted 16 days back on 2016 when I was still at college..

I think I need a vacation, but then I think and do what?! So I ignore the idea..

What is it with me?