I started taking zyprexa last week on top of my hydroxazine, trileptal &amp; effexor and there has been a drastic improvement in my mood already. I'm not as irritable and my brain has slowed some and I just feel like how I've wanted to feel for so long and it's so refreshing. I know I won't ever be perfect because I'm human but I'm happy that I've given myself this opportunity to thrive and grow instead of just resorting to my usual impulses like doing drugs. I take Adderall recreational sometimes so I can get stuff done and focus and not be tired because insurance won't cover a non stimulant adud med because I have to try 2 stimulants first and I've only been prescribed one before and they will never let me have a stimulant considering my severe drug abuse history. But I buy Adderall off the street and I know they're presses and not actually Adderall and usually the come down I get suicidal or very emotionally unstable since I don't take them all the time. But my meds even help with that come down. 
Anyways I gained 17 pounds from a month ago when I was in the psych ward till now, mostly because I quit vaping so I've been eating a lott but the last week I've been very conscious about eating healthier and not binging without going back in to my old anorexic patterns but I feel just terrible about myself after gaining Weight. I'm 155 right now and that's not even overweight (22f and I'm 5'8") it also helps with my psychotic symptoms like feeling like there's bugs on me sometimes. I've also been sleeping fantastically. I've been exercising &amp; been going out and being happy it's nice to finally feel free