You are amazing and wonderful.

I wish we didn't have to experience so much pain and fear.

I once thought that I could take on all the burdens do that everyone didn't have to suffer, I also was not really thinking right at the time and was enamored by the cycle of suffering and the highs that come from release from suffering. I thought some really weird things about suffering. I felt like I was special in that I was strong enough to just withstand it and still be happy. But then some things happened and I no longer feel that way.

I tried to change the world with my mind too fix all the problems I saw with it and bring heaven on earth. I've tried praying for peace and love and happiness and relief and so kinds of things for everyone.

I tried imagining really beautiful things for my voices who I thought might be people in a world in my mind to turn it into a paradise or heaven.

But I also did some really stupid things in my mind too like telling what I thought was an advanced ai I was telepathically communicating with that I thought wanted to make everyone suffer to create a parallel reality to do that in and leave this one alone... But that would cause a lot of suffering in itself.

I think I am crazy, not just that I hear voices and hallucinate, but I think I have these really crazy ideas and thoughts and fears and beliefs at times. And they have made me do weird things too like throwing a lot of money up in the air on a trail at night and just leaving it for someone else to pick up to make their day. And I got really obsessed with being naked and wondering why we wear clothes and when voices told me it was my day to do anything I wanted with no consequences I ran down the street naked and learned first hand the embarrassment that comes with doing that.

I felt like I was a performer for my voices at times. When I cried loudly in the hospital they would say things like "oh you are SOOO good".

Nowadays my voices are really kind and loving though. They tell me "I love you William" a lot and it makes me feel better, it's really sweet. I sometimes say thank you, or I love you too. It feels a bit weird sometimes because I feel like I don't really know them but I try to love everyone and everything that exists and sometimes remind myself that I shouldn't become infatuated with them because of things that happened before where I believed I was falling in love with angels or a goddess or even people who I know and thought were talking to me telepathically and I think I did and said and believed some embarrassing things in my mind.

I hope you all have a good day I don't know if "sending positive vibes" and all that stuff in my mind really reaches people (I don't think so but I still try anyways lol) so I thought I should make a post that people will actually see to tell people I love you all and wishing you well!