So after the comments from my last post I wrote my visit down on a good note, she didnt give me medication on my first visit, she wants me to see her more so she can assign better medication, thats gonna be good, right? Well that did not happen.

So after my last post, I have had visited my therapist and discussed with her how I didnt get medication from her and after all the comments on my last post I disclosed this in my head by saying "that just means shes a good therapist because she wants me to see her more to get a better solution for me, and didnt give me the first medication and sent me off, I'm happy that I didnt get medication on my first visit and i found a good psychiatrist", and my therapist agreed that she is indeed a good doctor and has a lot of experience. Well it turned out quite differently. My doctor wanted to talk to my therapist (which is another reason i thought she was great) to ask her what she sees and what her professional opinion is. This is really respectable, because she is the only doctor in my general area and she and the system overall is WAY too overloaded, so i was glad she still takes extra effort for me even after all the work she has and how overloaded she is. So my therapist told her everything, which i was also happy about because as i said in my last post I didnt get to tell her everything im experiencing. She told me she told her everything, even the things i didnt get to tell her so I am happy she rounded up the picture. She told me I'll do more visits and see what happens.

Well it turned around because as I got home my mom told me she assigned medication for me. I didnt know she was gonna do this so yeah. I called my therapist and told her about the medication and she was surprised too, also, we do not know how to proceed, i have no idea if im gonna see the doctor again or if this was the last visit, they didnt tell us anything and no one knows anything. I was scared and asked my therapist if she knows enough about me to have proper knowledge about me and give me proper medication and she told me that she has, she knows pretty much everything so theres that. Its just weird how she told me she doesnt see it as necessary but after talking to my therapist she decided to give me medication. And the doctor also thinks I am not only dealing with depression but there is a personality disorder in the package too (what a good deal right).

I am still scared, because after reading the comments on my last post from you lovely people, ive been told it can affect my brain development because I am still a minor. I just dont want my life and my development to be fucked over, I want to give my body the best options to develop so I can be at least the best person brain wise, to give my brain room to grow. I dont want this to affect my life and the way I end up as a grown up. I have a lot of concerns and to be quite frank I am scared. And I will be going to a private psychiatrist in a different city for further inspection, as people have suggested me.

The medication I got is Tiapride, which I have NEVER heard of before, and after doing my research it is NOT used to treat depression. It has to do something with dopamine, as is used to treat alcoholism, agression, and movement disorder, which is??????????? I dont have a problem with these, sometimes i get mad at people and go off if the argument or something ends up like that but it is NOT a major problem for me. I am really scared, did I get the right medication? Should I take it? Why did I get this medication? Did I even get this for my depression, or my kind of rare "explosions" (I dont have these lately because I am isolating myself and avoiding people for varius reasons as of now)?? I have to take a half in the morning and the other half at night, and I will be starting tomorrow.

I am scared, has anyone used this medication before? If so can you tell me about your experience? Can you guys help me with my concerns or give me help, or further direction? Ive said this like 4 times already because I am scared, i thought if i was ever gonna get medication it would be one of the traditional ones and not this, i am confused. I am looking forward to visiting another doctor to get to know more. Thank you for reading this, and thanks to everyone that helps me.