TW - SH 
I’m not very good at talking about how I feel, so I’m sorry if this doesn’t make much sense. 
I’m going through a really bad depression right now, and after about a year and a half clean from self harm, I broke my streak. I feel like I can’t talk to anybody about it and have just been spending 80% of my day sleeping. The only person who I trust enough is my crush, even though I know liking him is only making me feel worse. I’m horrible at handling crushes, and can’t get him out of my head. I can’t shake the thought of us being together, but I know In real life I’m nowhere near good enough for him. He’s everything I’m not, and it’s absolutely crushing me. 
the worst part is, he talks to me like I’m his boyfriend, but he has a girlfriend. 
His girlfriend is kind and beautiful, but doesn’t care much about what he has to say. I know they won’t last long, and I feel horrible about the fact that I almost want them to break up. It feels like every time I’m talking to him and he’s telling me I’m cute, she likes one of my photos. It’s eating me up inside, but he’s the only thing that gets me smiling anymore. I want to tell him I relapsed but I don’t want to get too close, knowing that I’ll be heartbroken when it’s clear that he doesn’t feel the same way. what do I do???