When I walk up to the edge, no matter what method I try, I just can’t bring myself to do it. And then I feel so ridiculous. I sit here all day basically chanting “I want to die” over and over, curled up in a ball, but when I get the chance, I can’t push through. So I’m stuck in hell. I don’t know what to do. Therapy is useless. 45 min a week is a drop in a bucket compared to the tidal waves I’m fighting and feeling. Maybe I need to be hospitalized? And just be forced to get Covid? I was on SSRIs for years and the sexual side effects were so bad, and I stayed in a horribly bad relationship for too long because the SSRIs made me feel like everything was always fine. I feel so trapped.