I (23M) have been in therapy for about 4 years now. I have been given so many coping skills, mechanisms, thought patern modifying questions, and even medications. However, it all feels like it's been worthless in dire situations. None of it stops the bad thoughts, nothing has changed. I still hate myself, i still want to die, i still barely recognize myself in the mirror or pictures. it feels like nothing changes no matter how hard i try. I've been hospitalized twice in the past year for suicid attempt, and honestly it feels like im about to go back. i just tried to kill myself with CO emmissions from my car, but even after an hour nothing was happening, after some searching i guess it difficult to die from car emmisions. Im tired of all of this. im tired of having all this in my head, all the thoughts, mood swings, my inability to hold relationships of any kind. It just feels like im trying so hard to make it all better and im just getting punished for it. i do the therapy, i do the drugs, i do the homework, but i come back and 4 years later I haven't changed. In fact i ended up getting rid of the few people that loved me. Im just so...tired... I dont want death. I want the everything to stop. I dont know if i did the flair right, i hope i did. thanks yall for at least reading this.