I'm doing everything right for myself. I eat nutritious meals, I workout most days of the week although I sometimes miss the gym. I shave myself, shower everyday, wear cologne, and basically treat myself good. I try to live as well as possible. I try to eat fruits even though I don't like it much.

I'm lacking friends and being loved though. I feel so goddamn lonely. I have close to no people I can call by phone that aren't family. I have so little amount of friends at 17 years old. I dropped out of school due to our education system being garbage. I want to stop playing video games. This is gonna sound bad but I feel like i need to 'get a life'.

I don't feel like doing anything besides sitting at the house and wasting most important times of my life. I can't get over the feeling of missing out. What can I do from home to make this feeling go away? I learnt almost perfect English from home. Which is like the only thing I can tell to people about myself. I don't feel like i have an important enough personality. Should i try and learn more languages? How can I gain value? Or how can I go out and not miss out on life?

Everything feels hard the past month. I had severe social anxiety back in middle school. I had no confidence and was bullied constantly. I am recovering from it but it's feelings is coming back again. I was on the edge back then. I almost took away my life. Couldn't do it to my mom though, I didn't have a father figure growing up and I love my mom more than myself. I can't explain things to her. And even when I try, I just froze and say 'nevermind, it's nothing'. Would it help if i tried to open up to my mom? She is very caring.

I don't want to get depressed again. I don't feel like I'd be able to save myself from it again. How can I look in the bright way of things? Have any of you gone through the same things?