Like when my AP Psychology teacher was my FP, and she didn't respond to my emails (because they were fucking stupid), I would sob into my pillow. Later I did a ton of research into how teachers felt about and dealt with these students, and even went as far as making a fake post on a teacher forum from my teacher's imagined perspective. I also looked into school policies, and combed through her responses for patterns. It basically halted the entire BPD episode process. 

Then I moved on to this other girl. On Sunday I made a post about threatening suicide to her. For whatever reason, she randomly came back acting like nothing had happened. She might be BPD herself. But anyway, I was getting way fucking stressed out and had to masturbate nightly to get away from the pain and thoughts. So I went online and HIT A GODDAMN GOLDMINE when I looked into the "friendzone". On the list of reasons why you're in the friendzone, I checked off pretty much every one. Fuck me, it just laid everything out on a silver platter.

From my research, I'm taking a shitton of notes on attraction and I'm even compacting it down to a core theory I'll be sharing later. I just feel so much more in control now.  