A while back I was in a bad relationship that made me feel awful and I’d vent about it to my sister. I didn’t think I was making her emotionally responsible because I thought I was just complaining about it frustrating me not that she has to help/fix it. But then one day she told me to stop complaining to her that I’m annoying and acted really annoyed at me. So I stopped. She was annoyed I didn’t take her advice of “just leave him” and that she had to repeatedly say say that. Fine. Understandable. 


It’s been probably a year or two since then and now when she complains about her relationship troubles I say the same thing back to her. Well more like “leave me alone I don’t want to hear about it” in a stern voice.  We get along pretty well and I’d like to think we have clear communication. So when she would point out that I say that (I think even before she ever did) I was honest and said because she did that to me and that she should know why it can be annoying to hear someone complain over and over because she felt it. Well, she never made an indication (or even really acknowledged what I’d say with a head nod or something) that she knew where I was coming from or that she takes it back and acknowledges it was harsh because she can tell how it’s harsh doing it to her. 


Today I realized how much this actually bothers me and that It’s why I started doing it towards almost anything she wants to complain about (what I didn’t do in the first place). I just don’t want to hear it. I guess she didn’t validate what I’d repeatedly bring up and seems to ignore it every time I’d bring it up. She won’t acknowledge what I said. Usually I tell her when I’m in the wrong and tell her why something upset me (like what I did before) and I expect the same thing back. I get along with my s/o the most because they can be very clear and give me this back. If it’s not given back, I get mad. I don’t know if this is due to BPD and invalidation being a big trigger. I hate feeling like I am not being heard. 


Well about an hour ago we had a mini argument. As usual we chatted shortly after to explain our positions. She said she was annoyed because (“first of all”) I told her to shut up and leave me alone about something she was complaining about Saturday. I asked her what that was about and she said it wasn’t about anything big, but didn’t specify when I asked. I was talking sternly because I just get so annoyed when something isn’t clear especially when i ask for an explanation. Conversation ended before she got to her other points and We parted ways again. I felt bad because she seemed to have teared up. 


I sat in my room contemplating why I was annoyed and then realized that it was so obvious and it was because what I just explained. Not too long after I went to her room (we check in like this) and knowing I overreacted, told her to finish explaining what she didn’t finish before. I wanted to hear her out. She said that was it. So I decided ok let me tell her why I reacted that way and told her what I explained. And she said she thought she did validate what I said and I said no then she said “well I THOUGHT I did” semi annoyed. And I told her she’s doing it again, she is ignoring what I just explained and won’t bluntly validate it. I told her what I told my s/o before, that I  need that very clear communication to be able to let it go. She got flustered again and asked me to leave and I left. 


I know I might sound bad, but I have a very difficult time believing I am over reacting. I don’t like making my sister feel bad, but this bothers me and don’t feel capable of letting it go (hence why I have communicated it so many times). I think I sound like a bitter passive aggressive person, but this is what I give and it is what I want to get back. Most people can’t give that, so this has caused issues in relationships. I’m not quite sure what to think because again, that relationship made me feel like shit, still does to this day I am working on it, and the partner at the time would try to make me feel rejected (and succeeded) for fun, so to then be told that by my sister hurt me and her refusal to acknowledge it made it worse. 

Am I just being a crazy bitch??? I am looking for input.