I seriously messed up again. I was having panic attacks and got so bad to the point where I was drafting up a plan to commit...ya know. Thankfully I snapped out of it.

&amp;#x200B;

I just feel so ashamed and embarrassed of myself. I've been ignoring my phone, I saw a bunch of texts  from staff and a partner and quickly blasted off an email to HR explaining my situation and my resignation.

&amp;#x200B;

My head is buzzing, teeth hurt from all the clenching. I spent last night crying. Finally get to a point where I feel like I'm advancing only to have this stupid bullshit come and tear me down again.

&amp;#x200B;

On the bright side at least my family and SO are supportive and understand that I need treatment. I've only done therapy once in my teens and didn't get anything out of it (also didn't understand at the time what I was going through or why my parents were dragging me there). 

&amp;#x200B;

Are there therapy type treatments where I can go multiple times a week? I'm going to need some time before I try to apply for another job and once a week probably won't cut it. I tried reaching out to my old therapist and he's slammed for months with COVID.. I just don't even know where to begin with this stuff. I'll need at least a month before I can pass a drug test anyway lmao (weed) so I may as well focus 100% on treatment...