I don't want to die.. But I'm tired of living the life I've been dealt. And I don't see a way to make it better. I thought I was fine til I found myself tonight writing a suicide note. I dont know what to do. I'll share what I wrote, in hopes someone can give me genuine advice about what I can do to feel like my life is worth living. Thank you.  


" I wish I knew what it was like to have your dreams come true. I wish I knew what it was like to find someone who really loves you no matter what; someone that you've shared your life with. I wish I knew what it was like to not be invisible. Sometimes I just hope I could see the beauty in the world instead of just its darkest parts.

But I don't. And I won't. I feel inadequate in everything I've ever done in my life, have never known anything but sadness and disappointment, and know that no matter what I do, I'll always be a nobody to everybody. I don't even remember the last time I went to sleep wishing I would just not wake up or could find a real reason to get out of when when I keep waking up anyway.

I feel empty, passionless, small, unaccomplished, lonely... and just tired. I'm tired all the time. I feel disconnected from most people, like I live on an island away from anyone else who understands anything about me or the way I think. I feel closer to animals than I do to other people, who have an over-inflated sense of self importance.

I wish I was born tall, good looking, with money, or talent.. but I wasn't. Everytime I go outside I look around to feel like nothing but raindrops in an endless ocean. I'm full of regret of the mistakes I've made, and have no hope for any sort of meaningful future for myself. The world feels a lot darker when you finally accept there is no rhyme or reason to why we're here, there is no such thing as soul mates, or true love.. nothing after death.

I want to live a good life, know what it's like to have those things and ignore the things I know. But I know it will never happen. And I'm just over it. Thank you to my momma who's been the only one who's always been there for me when I felt like I was the last person on earth. Thank you to my dad for teaching me to be strong.. I wish I made you prouder but I guess I just wasn't strong enough. Thank you to my brother and sisters for always being my friends when I didn't have any others. And I wish you guys could read, but thank you to all my pets who were family to me and taught me how to be kind and treat all life as valueable. And thank you to all the handful of people who thought I could be more than what I was. 

I'm sorry I let you down. 

I love you guys  


"