Not looking for a diagnosis. This is more of an off my chest post but that subreddit wouldn't quite fit.

I don't really know what I hope to achieve with this post. It's definitely a vent, but there's no single thing I'm talking about. I'm just going to list everything off, anything that comes to my mind in the moment that it does, and that'll be the post. So here we go I guess.

I have serious imposter syndrome with who I am.
I feel like I'm living two different lives because people would hate who I really am so I act like a much nicer person.
I'm constantly wanting to die but I'm scared of death.
The fear of karma controls my actions.
I've stopped trusting anyone.
I've gotten angrier and more violent in the past year.
I'm paranoid.
I check for cameras everywhere.
Every now and then there's voices in my head.
I hurt myself because like the thrill and hate myself.
I wish I had been born a boy.
I wish I had someone that loved me.
I wish someone would listen to me for once.
I wish I was stronger.
I wish I didn't have to cry.
I wish I could move out of my parent's place.
I'm afraid they would hurt me.
I can't feel emotions for humans. But I feel emotions for animals just fine.
Listening to music is the only way I can escape this place, even for a moment.
If I tell anyone about my problems, they'll all leave me.
I annoy everyone.
I'm obnoxious when I speak.
I'm ugly.
I'm stupid.
I wish I was a man.
I wish my parents would stop ignoring me.
Five more months with them.
When I told them I hurt myself they ignored me.
I told them again and they bought me more blades.
I only stay alive for a few reasons.
I would be deadnamed on my gravestone.
My friends would be alone.
I would never finish my books.
I would die in this body.
And that's why I'm still here.
The government is against me.
Everyone is against me.
In 1000 years, when someone digs up my skeleton, they're going to say it's a female.
I have no escape.
Why am I here?
I think this is long enough.
I'm done now.