TW: SH mention

I’m not diagnosed (yet) although I feel like I’d be gaslighting my psychiatrist into making her think I have it but I really do have some of the ways of thought or qualities that a person with bpd has. My bf even brought it up to me and it made me feel some sort of relief to know there’s “a reason” for how I can be (I hate it though)
Anyways I’m sorry if this doesn’t belong here but,
I don’t feel real right now and need advice. Last night I had a panic attack, i was heaving, crying, and my whole body was tingling and felt numb. I think it came from stress. Anyways it was around 3:30 in the morning and I was in my bf’s dorm room (he was taking a walk outside after helping me study) studying for an exam and waiting for him to return. Suddenly the panic attack came out of nowhere and i couldn’t keep it in and just broke down. I tried to hard to calm myself down but couldn’t. My bf came back in and told me to quiet down because I’d wake up his roomates. He also kept asking “why are you crying?” “What are you crying about?” in a tone that sounded more annoyed than concerned. There was no comfort given just annoyance about waking up his roomates. When I tried to explain I couldn’t through sobs and ended up getting a little louder (not too much) and his reply was “ see now you’re getting loud again” 
I felt so heartbroken at this response and how it went down. He went to bed (not in the bed) and I cried in the bathroom and impulsively SH’d cuz I couldn’t take it.
My question is:
Am I in the wrong here? Everything always feels like my fault and I’m always the one apologizing. I think he’s given up on me but it’s my fault anyways. I could have closed the door or tried harder to control myself… am I overreacting to be hurt about this?
Please help