I once heard a line in a low budget movie which said, "life is pain &amp; PAIN IS EVERYTHING"  I used to believe that was SO wrong. Lately, I began to wonder if it is true. Everything that causes me pain, depresses me. Oh it goes away now &amp; then, (circumstances permitting) but it always comes back in one form or, another. ALWAYS. It never seems to go away. A loved one passes, the heart misses loved ones that are, still with us, disappointment, the let downs, sorrow, physical pain, the inability to control any of it, it's always there. Some of us, deal better than, others. Some don't. But, I think the one thing, we can all agree on is that...FUCKING...EMOTIONAL...PAIN! I feel so emotionally flat sometimes. So defeated. So trapped. The only way, I know how to end this pain is the only way, I will not try. I won't subject my family to that. I love them too much to even entertain the thought. So, I press on. Maybe it will get better tomorrow, maybe it won't. So, I wait. I wait for a distraction. ANY distraction! Then, I smile &amp; laugh for a time, my heart feels better and, I fear the next wave of pain inevitably coming for me like a blood sucking parasite. I don't know why, I won't know when but, it will come again. Have a good day all. I love you all &amp; I'm right there with ya. \*HUGS\*