I'm (20F) in a very new relationship with someone (19M) about 2 years younger. (I'm 21 in 3 weeks). I'm his first girlfriend, so I try to cut him some slack and I don't expect perfection. I've gone through therapy, been in the psych ward a couple times and, in my last relationship, worked my ass off to the point where arguments were rare and usually valid. So, prior to this new relationship, I thought I had my BPD fairly under control. 

Boy was I wrong. I'm worrying constantly, thinking everything I do is going to end up causing him to hate me and leave me. We had our first argument this past weekend and afterwords I was fully convinced he was gonna leave me. He told me before that all the other girls he had talked to he got bored of and that haunts me. Just last night he said he was unsure of if he had time for me this week because school is starting. We work together and he said if I don't pick up a shift Monday then he doesn't know the next time I can see him... even though neither of us are busy Saturday. When I asked if I should pick up a shift at work on Sat he just said, "up to you." It honestly sounds like he doesn't want to see me at all. I want to freak out, I want to split, but he has no mental health issues so I know that will only scare him away. I just left him on read and went to bed. I know communication is important but my biggest fear is spooking him. New relationships have no security. I hate this. I just wish I was normal.