There was a lot of gaslighting (and still is) in my household growing up. As a result, I doubt absolutely EVERYTHING I say and look up things even if I'm sure it's correct, I think I'm "crazy" a lot, I think what I say is generally invalid and I'm not allowed to feel upset over things and I think I'm "too needy" for expecting the bare minimum in relationships. I also blame myself for everything when things go wrong and I will be conflicted and think I'm a bad person. I feel I'm very easily manipulated even if I can detect it quite easily. I feel people being that way are being that way because I deserved it in some way. It's sick.

I could hear my mum and sister talking badly about me and when I confront them, they'll say, "You shouldn't have been listening" or, "You're hearing things again." Makes me fucking livid how they're not aware of how abusive they're being when they say things like this.