My birthday is next week. July 4. I'll be 15. 

All I wanted to do this year was just go camping by the beach with my mom, her boyfriend, and my little brother. No cake, no presents, no other family members. 

Just us. Just something small and simple. 

 I haven't been camping in over a year due to covid, so I was really, really looking forward to this as it's something I love to do. 

However, I just found out that my mom's boyfriend's side of the family is going camping with us too (which was supposed to be a surprise for me..). And I guess I wouldn't mind it if it were like his parents or something but his family is huge so there's gonna be a lot of people. We're going to do all the normal birthday stuff and a whole fireworks show and I'm sure that'll be great for everyone else but... not me. 

So, I posting this here because I have anxiety. As you all know, it's not fun. 

I understand that it's just family and I understand this is what 'normal' people do, but this isn't what I'm comfortable with. This isn't what I want. I don't do big crowds unless necessary and I'm really not looking forward to having to hide a panic attack in a public restroom. 

I asked my mom if it could just be us because it's my birthday and I'm not really wanting to be around other people. She said it was selfish of me to ask this because it's also a holiday and the world doesn't revolve around me. 

It honestly hurt hearing that because I don't feel like I'm asking for anything big. 

So then I asked if we (me, her, her boyfriend, brother) could just go camping the week after my birthday so everyone else could have fun while I just stay home and be by myself. 

She said that everyone was coming down to celebrate me and they're all coming so far and that I, again, was being really selfish and the least I could do was put on a smile and go along with it. 

Again, that hurt a lot. Idk if I'm just making too much of a big deal out of this, but I'm just not happy about it. All I know now is that my stress levels are going to be through the roof next week so that'll be fun.