Soo I have a lot of trauma in my past (raised in a cult-like religion, lost a sibling at a young age, had an abusive first marriage, then lost my parents to murder-suicide five years ago.) Religion and loss definitely caused me anxiety from a young age.

Fast-forward to today. I’m married to the love of my life and it’s a beautiful, healthy thing. I have two thriving kids (10 and 14.) My career is right where I want it to be. I’m financially secure. My home life is peaceful, fun, and loving. Just bought my first house. Basically, I feel like at 40, my life finally got good. I don’t feel depressed, but I do have daily, ongoing anxiety no matter what. I have medical anxiety and I also worry a lot about something happening to my husband or kids or sister or anyone I love basically. But. I don’t feel hopeless, I don’t lack interest in activities, I perform well at work, I’m never really grumpy toward my family, I don’t want to stay in bed all day, etc. 

My primary care doctor prescribes me 25 x 0.5 mg of Xanax a month and when I take it, it dramatically helps me by taking that edge off. That’s the most she’ll give me. When I run out, I don’t freak out or anything, but I do tend to want a glass of wine more often. I never take enough for anyone to notice I’m on it, and I don’t feel addicted. But when I ask her to up my dosage, she refuses and suggests I go on an antidepressant. I don’t feel depressed though! I’m not worried that I’ll take a bunch of it. I mean for example, when my back flares up and I get offered Vicodin I generally turn it down. I’m not a freaking drug seeker. I just know what works for me. Any suggestions? Should I ask for a psychiatrist appointment or will they just try to push me toward an antidepressant?