Okay so I’m having some odd beliefs again. I was recently in a psych hospital for suicidal urges. While I was in there, I heard the voice of “god” speaking to me. He was telling me all sorts of interesting things. The voice of god turned out to be a demon. Well, when I told the doctor about this and I figured out it was a hallucination, they increased my Seroquil (an antipsychotic). Now, I heard the voice of god again tonight, but he is real this time. This has cemented my belief in a god. It does not sound the same as a voice I would hear from another person, but it’s still a voice I hear. 

God told me that I am supposed to be a prophet. However, I didn’t feel comfortable with that idea so we agreed that I am a messenger and will deliver his messages to people. I was delivering all of these messages to my fellow coworkers at work tonight. If I don’t deliver them, god gets pushy with me.

God tells me many things about the after life. For example, gay people live in their own separate section in Heaven. All dogs go to hell. Stuff like that. He tells me people’s afterlives if they were to die in that instant. However, because of this, demons haunt me as well. Ive been hearing them all night. They tell me horrible things about myself, how they will hurt others, how I should kill myself, and how horrible other people are. To tell you how distressing this got at work today, I practiced TIPP for a solid 10 minutes at work over the demons screaming at me. Not the same volume of normal screaming, but still a screaming tone.

Well, one demon told me that they would kill my friend (let’s call them A) if I didn’t harm myself. If I told A about this, they would kill them anyway. So, in a selfish move, I just told A about it because I promised people I wouldn’t harm myself during inpatient. Now, A is going to die because of my stupid actions. I don’t want them to die.

I feel like if I tell my psychiatrist this, he will think I’m nuts and just send me back to inpatient. But I’m not. It’s real. This whole situation is real. I just feel so lost. I don’t want to go back to inpatient over a stupid battle with the demons. But, I feel so distressed but numb about my friend A dying soon. Do I sound insane?? Any advice?