I was a student, in high school not doing great, not doing terribly, but i was doing okay. Then I discovered smoking with some people who just wanted to use me because I had a house they could use where I was alone on the weekends. 

I stopped paying all that much attention academically. I started just focusing on smoking. I finished with middling grades and then took two gaps years where I just smoked and worked a bit. I then went to Højskole where I also mostly focused on smoking and having fun, alone or with a few friends, in my room. No parties, no socializing, in the most important part of a young mans life, another regret. I met an amazing girl who was visiting from the US, but I could still only focus on smoking and not see how amazing she was. 

Then the pandemic began and she was sent home to her own country. I came to visit her, but I bungled it up big time, because I mostly just wanted to smoke and couldn't see the forest for the trees. I fucked it up so bad with both her, and her parents. You wont even believe how big time I fucked it up. 

I went back home, we broke up. I continued my education to become a teacher, but I mostly just did that so I could continue smoking and read a bit, but mostly smoke. 

Now that vie stopped smoking completely, after 5 years of heavy using, I completely hate my life. I lost my chance with the most amazing girl in the world. I lost my chance to get a good education even though I have a good head on my shoulders. All to this, god, damn, plant! 

I thought the plant would help save me from social situations, but it just stopped me from growing and kept me stagnant. It has ruined my whole god damn life and I cant see a way to pull back up from what has happened. I feel outside suicidal and I want to end it because I cant see a way that I can achieve a life that I would enjoy without smoking now. I want to be a doctor, or a lawyer, something that makes sense and is meaningful, but the god damn plant has ruined that for me. 

I want to be done with this existence, because this is too much. It makes me so sad how much I ruined everything for both her, and for me. This is all too much. I want to turn back time, but I cant. This is just too much.