idk if this is related to bpd but i suspect that it is (dichotomous thinking, with experiencing anything less than what i've conjured up in my mind being labelled an unbelievable disappointment). ive just been realising that i get the ick so easily with romantic partners and tbh its one big reason why i've been so unsuccessful.

one time i dated a guy whose heart wouldn't stop hammering when i sat in his lap but it made me cringe so badly for some bizarre reason and i still feel like shit whenever i remember it because it was such a cruel way to think. ofc i never told him this but i broke things off almost immediately afterwards. there have also been things that guys (bc i never get the ick with women) have said, like i dated a guy who used to refer to things/himself as a "potato" and it made my skin crawl but i didnt wanna be mean and tell him to stop because i can be cringe too but its on purpose, however with him it felt like he was serious.

im just nervous because i have a date tomorrow with a guy ive been speaking to for a month and a half and im so scared that im going to end up with the ick and i really dont want that to happen because i like him a lot :/