For a while now, nothing else that life has to offer interests me other than the things that my BPD focuses on, so to speak.

For instance - my impulsivity. I hardly eat, I'm not currently working, I only take care of myself when I know I'll need to keep up appearances, etc. yet when it comes to being impulsive it's like I have all my attention fixated on it. And this isn't just when I get impulsive thoughts/urges, I just don't have interest for anything other than those things. With my BPD comes hyper-sexuality so I impulsively sleep around a lot and lately it's been substance abuse and other self destructive behaviour.

I'm willing to go to extreme lengths to achieve what my impulsive thoughts are saying but when it comes to ordinary daily life, I don't care. It's been like this for a few months now. Do any of you feel the same? Do you also feel like it would make you much more interesting and enigmatic if you just gave in to your impulses? I can just feel myself on the edge at the moment and bluntly, I want to tip over it. I don't want to get better. 