I've reviewed some past experiences with partners I've had, because I was questioning my sexuality and how I live it. And then I was asking myself why I wasn't as sexually attracted to my boyfriend as I perceive would be normal. We never even had Sex.

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now.
At the beginning, and before we even transitioned from best  friends to partners,
..he told me fake stories about how I need to pleasure him (bjs) bc he would need that release for his health or else he will get sick.
..or that I would need this specific part of "training" (he touching me) so if I ever am in a bad situation I wouldn't react scared if someone tried to touch me inappropriately.
- Also he said he can't do it by himself no more, bc he can only get off of me now since we got sexually intimate.

I've always thought I was asexual or so, bc I barely had those desires to actually masturbate or have sex.
I tried it (letting him touch me and me pleasuring him with bjs) bc I wanted to be there for him (I also believed everything he told me). But for me it wasn't anything I would freely wanna do, without him wanting me to.

I guess I gave my consent (?) cuz it felt fun at first experiencing my first sexual experiences, but then I was kinda reluctant for him to pleasure me.. (maybe bc he didn't get it right), so the situation turned to me always being there for him sexually, I even wrote him stories he could get off on. And I gave him bjs even tho if not for his "health" and the stories he told me I propably wouldn't have. Sent pictures also.
At some point I stopped being intimate with him sexually bc I got rly depressed and it was exhausting  doing these things plainly for his pleasure. It was just  annoying work for me at some point. Over the years we didn't even have sex yet and I had other priorities in life. 

Soon I started questioning why it was ok now for me to stop being intimate with him, cuz he told me he would get sick without it. I was then questioning his stories he told me and came to the conclusion that it was all not real. I begged him to tell me the truth but he never did and we never spoke about it again. Since then he is waiting for me being rdy to have sex.

Now I maybe feel some kind of disgust to this whole storyline. Maybe I am not asexual. Maybe this had an impact on me? But I love him. But then I do not wanna engage in anything sexual with him. I love cuddling tho. It's all so confusing. I feel like I do not love him enough or right for me wanting to be sexual with him.

(my open relationship structure;)
I then met a new boy, we had sex almost "immediately". I have no problems with him pleasuring me and I like it (propably bc he does it nicely). But when I am with my other boyfriend, this post is about, I do not want to be sexual with him. It always feels like he is greedy/needy in a weird disgusting way? even tho that's not true, he just has normal human needs. When the other boy I date wants to be intimate, I do not view it as greedy/needy or disgusting? even tho it's the same case of human needs.
I may not need to masturbate or have sex, it can be fun tho if we (boy n me) are trying it, and I am maybe a bit asexual I guess, but this all just doesn't add up. 

Did my boyfriend of 5 years sexually abuse me? telling me these stories so I would pleasure him, or am I just searching a justification to not be with him? 

This weights all very heavy on my heart. 
Thank you for reading. I appreciate any thoughts.