I am me and I feel things like I always do, and I say things and then after I wonder how did I get here. Did I cause myself to become paranoid with my own thoughts or did I not eat enough and that's why I'm feeling off?

It feels like there is someone who feels and other one who thinks and thinks and thinks until she just needs to ask if he really is sure that it isn't her fault that he is feeling down. And then the one who feels feels bad because we knew this, we knew that he just wants space. He doesn't want to get rid of us forever. And he tells us again and again that it's okay until he's sick of it.

And then when he comes back months later we know that we are valuable and we promise ourselves to never let him that close again because maybe next time it will end us. And then we feel again and then he needs some space again and then we think again and I really don't know why he would ever want to talk to me again. Maybe I should be the one to stop. Because I couldn't do that to my mom. But I don't think I am valuable.