I’ve had anxiety/health anxiety most my life, the past year though it’s gotten severe. The whole pandemic stuff triggered it &amp; losing my job back then. I’ve been unemployed for over a year now. My unemployment benefits were cut off unexpectedly by the state I reside in. I have to find childcare &amp; work by September. Mind you I live in a small town with no transportation right now. 

I’m freaking out on the inside cause I get super anxious whenever I have to leave my home. I’ve barely left my home in the past year &amp; sometimes when u do, I end up getting like a anxiety attack. Or turning back home. I can’t even step outside to check my mail some days cause of anxiety. 

Some days it’s hard to even do normal stuff around the house or not be a couch potato most days. I’m terrified of going back to work out in the public around people again. My social anxiety has gotten worse as well. I always get like depersonalization &amp; anxious when I’m out in public now. I always get a swaying off balance kind of feeling when walking out in public too. I just get so anxious everytime now. Idk how I’m gonna work like everyday again with my bad anxiety now. 

I’m too scared to take daily meds like SSRI’s for fear of getting worse, possible side effects, etc. I only take Ativan like 1-2 times a month for really anxious days. Therapy doesn’t work for me. I’ve also had like every health test you could imagine in the past year &amp; all normal but I still worry about health stuff especially heart and head stuff. Idk why. 

I’ve let myself go as well, gained some weight but am too scared to exercise cause I get anxious once my heart starts going fast even though I know that’s normal. I’m a complete shell of what I use to be. I hate myself and feel like such a failure in every aspect. Idk what to do anymore. I just wanna feel normal and human again. I wanna feel like myself again.

Anyone relate?