It's a common goal amongst people with anxiety and depression to want to find the source of thier discomfort. I'll keep it on the shorter side bit I recently identified the primary source of my separation anxiety as comming from a friend of the family. She's no friend of mine but rather my mother's. When my mom used to leave me in her and her then husband's care. They'd find it hilarious to tell me that my mom called and said she's not comming back. I was no older than 5 and I used to completely break down. They'd find this funny until my breakdown wouldn't stop and then they'd quickly switch to annoyed. 
When I finally put together that this was my earliest memory of feeling abandoned and venerable, I thought "great! I can finally let this go!". Since then it's only made me angry. Had I brought this up to the lady she'd have likely gas lighted as she's since proven to be a literal narcissist and to top it off, she died 6 years ago. 

Any tips on how to get passed this? It's a waste of my time but it still eats at me.

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