It's sort of like gravity. Doesn't matter if I try to relax, meditate, think about anything else- eventually in my mind I'm replaying a situation or imagining a future conflict and eventually I'm just laying into someone over and over again replaying it and getting more and more vile and it doesn't stop until I'm sleeping. Or I get guilty and just turn the inner shouting on myself.

This is the same reason that I tend to devolve into conflict in person. I have no idea what to do about it, I've tried to be mindful. Therapy isn't helping. Meds I guess aren't either. But this has been a habit for my entire life and it makes existing miserable. What the hell do I do and how do I get out?