This woman in work and I used to talk but since my life took a turn for the worse and figuring out things about myself and my mind, we've barely talked which has been months and months. When we did talk though I have to admit I had an ego problem. I never knew at the time but I felt better than everyone as a defense mechanism for feeling isolated from everyone. She posted an hour after I posted off a paragraph about bullies. The last few shifts that I've seen her I didn't want to talk to her because I was very paranoid and anxious and came off as arrogant. In really I just have this feeling that she hates me and everything she says is some kind of inside joke to herself because she smirks and is friends with this girl I used to like there. We talked for a bit but very brief and I could barely breath or talk my mind was racing so fast. Ive felt ashamed and guilty for my past behavior and I still appear arrogant because of my messy mind. But I'm very aware of it and it doesn't feel like me. What I want to say and how to say it never comes out that way. I want to apologise but I feel like she will just gossip about me and say that I didn't mean it because before I do it I'm already expecting it to come out wrong. There's also a part of me that's angry because she doesn't have a clue what I've personally been going through but then again I don't know her story either.