a couple days ago i talked about how i felt like an imposter because my bpd symptoms have lessened and have been less severe than they were last year. i did research and it turns out you don't quite fully recover from bpd, but you can definitely have symptoms get better or just straight up go into remission where you no longer fit the criteria.

sometimes i get triggered to where those symptoms of bpd would come out, but not to a severe extent to where it was last year. i still experience the symptoms so i know i still fit the criteria, but i think i have recovered. the main predictors for recovery are not being hospitalized, having at least one stable relationship, having a stable educational function and absence of self harm, and i have achieved all of that this year. woo-hoo 👍🏽

but my question is, why did i go into a yearlong bpd spiral? where did these symptoms come from and why so abruptly? i spent new years in the hospital and stopped going as soon as december hit. i know this is a good thing, i am not complaining. just confused. this could mean that the ungodly amount of medications that i've been put on last year worked, even though everytime a pill entered my body, i tripped out and got even worse. i am the same way with meds still, i just react badly to them and i'm sensitive to them. 

so if we cancel out the meds (and therapy because that was always useless), did i just outgrow the symptoms? even though i was just diagnosed last year, along with bipolar. did my brain chemistry alter? i am really confused 😭 bpd is such a... weird disease.