I am struggling. I feel like I'm tipping from anxious to depressed. I don't know what's wrong really. I feel lazy and just so unmotivated, and so guilty for being that way. Mid 2019 I started a new job which I'd been working towards for 3 years, but the reality is I've been struggling to varying degrees ever since. It's very much a research kind of role where you need to be self motivated, but I struggle with procrastination and constantly feel anxious that I'm doing a bad job/not doing enough work. I want to say it's not me it's the job but I struggled with my previous two jobs as well. I feel so tired by the end of each workday, and find it difficult to motivate myself to do any hobbies or chores. I just spend my time waiting for the weekend to come around and then not doing very much then either. I suffered a bereavement a few months ago and while I've come to terms with that now I restarted a bad habit (pulling my hair out) and got out of the swing of some good ones (exercise). I'm also in the process of buying a flat right now and, living in England, am faced with being in lockdown for the foreseeable future and not meeting up with friends or family. 

My natural inclination is it's too much, I need to reduce my hours at work or take some time off, somehow escape the situation. But I also know procrastination/avoidance are a big part of the problem.

My self esteem is being pummelled, I feel so bad for being like this. But feeling like I'm doing badly at things just makes me less motivated and do even worse. I feel I'm just spending all my time on emotion numbing/instant gratification activities - mostly spending all day on my phone on Reddit/internet shopping/reading the news etc.

I'm not in "crisis" but everyday is a mediocre day where I'm low level anxious and feeling bad about myself etc and I don't know how to get myself out of this funk.

Does anyone have any suggestions or reflections on the "is it me or is it my job?" debate? Can anyone relate?