I don’t even know where to start.
I’m struggling so hard with visiting my family. 
My brother and his wife have three children, 11yo, 10yo, 2yo. Their life is so chaotic compared to mine.
Usually I come to visit, take the kids out for some fun, and head home.
For some reason this time, trying to have fun and enjoy the company, my SIL is making it EXHAUSTING. I’ve done nothing wrong, yet she’s snapping at me constantly.
This makes me feel like it’s 100% my fault, and immediately makes me spiral. 
For the past two days all I’ve been obsessively looking at my scars and thinking about SH and past experiences where I just feel so helpless, just sitting here wanting to hurt, to get rid of how I feel. 
I know I’ve done nothing wrong, yet here I am, getting so down on myself. I want to just hide and completely isolate from them. 
Why can’t I just have a normal relationship with my family? Since I’ve been struggling with my mental health it’s “oh, we don’t know what to say anymore”.
I’m just so beaten down and don’t want to be here anymore.