Trigger warning: drug talk, mental instability
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Fuck. I have been feeling good lately, work has been good. Life has been good. Been somewhat worried that I’ve been somewhat hypomanic that it’s been so good. And it seems like that was all it was. One thing set me off (So stupid… not winning the lottery… like wtf.) I had delusions I was actually going to win. Like the universe was going to make it happen, and I had thought out all the things I was going to do. Who I was going to help, what charities I would give to, how I could actually enjoy life for once. How awesome it would be to not have to worry about balancing my checkbook. 

Anyway. Feel like shit today. Slept late. Then took a three hour nap. Feel like I’m trapped in a prison of work, and bills forever. I’d rather not be here. On Earth. Just poof. Make me gone. 

I love weed. Oh so much. But I have CHS, where it makes me sick now. Can’t smoke without having issues, and all I want to do is get SUPER fucked up right now. Be numb. Muscles relaxed. Brain doing whatever it wants. But I can’t. I can’t have any fun. Can’t drink. Can’t smoke. Can’t smile. 

Who the fuck gets set off by not winning a lottery? What an idiot.