Hello. So this is a throw away account and english isn't my first language and I'm on the phone.

For the past 20+ years I've been dealing with anxiety depression every possible way of bad thought.
Basically my story started like this my first gf actual one was living with me and we had a good life as I thought. Pregnant and everything but than she started dating boys left and right trashed my apartment. But one day changed my life completely I was gaming one morning with a friend and then fell asleep since (gaming without food nor sleep for 26 hours ain't a good combo)
As I said. I fell asleep around 20 minutes in I'll wake up to a sharp pain in my genitals and upon waking up I see my pregnant ex fiance riding me without any knowledge about it. Her words I felt in the mood and decided to ride. Short story she broke my banjo string (not sure if you spell it like that) and it just started gushing blood everywhere and I woke up instantly completely white in my face while she panicked doctors came and checkt on me. She began to hit me in the face *to keep me awake she said* and short while after that I've noticed she trashed my apartment. Week after that she got an abortion and blamed it on me really just putting in there. Some while after that she stole my shit package a bag of mine and ran to her other side pieces. Left me In huge pain and a trashed apartment. As well her BFF was at our place and I believed they did the deed as well while I couldn't move from this she did to me. Some time after that she fckt my rent and ye. Now today I'm ace or a-sexual or how you spell it. It's still broken and I just feel like a piece of cloth she tossed after having sex and I'm constantly feeling about the pain and misery she put me thru. And I feel horrible. Because my new fiance gotta deal with it I can't sleep nor progress normally my brain just shuts off empty spacing or zooming out. So I hope one day I can trust everything again and continue my life as a happy man with my fiance