i thought i'd moved past this. it's like all these little nasty things i've done in past pop into my head one by one, another one goes away and another one comes. this fucking sucks i want to stop ruminating about my past since i have been able to be a way better person recently by just being more mindful about what i'm feeling and doing. i'm just afraid i've already done so much damage that i don't deserve to exist and that even if that's not the case i'll fall back to doing this stuff in future too if i don't completely isolate myself from everything and everyone. idk what to do this is so devastating