Tw for self harm and drug use

It finally happened. What i knew from the start would happen finally did and i knew all long jt would, yet i kept trying. She fucking left. Shes had enough of me. I thought we were going so well and my bpd has settled down. I felt like i was in love for the first time. But i knew it would all fall to shit and id be left in hell. Shes fuckinf abandoned me despite what i begged and now im alone. I relapsed into self harm bc she fucking left me theu text and just took codeine pills bc i need my head to stop. I dont know what tk do angmore. I loved her. Everybody always fuckkg leaves me and im in so much pain. What am i suppised to do? Bever fall in love? Becer let anybody in? Why do i always fucking ruin everything why am i like this