The main lesson I (26/m) have learned in all this is never to room with your best friend, especially when you have multiple mental health issues, alcohol abuse, and latent homosexuality.
Everything fell apart in two days. Suddenly all my money is gone. Expenses finally caught up with me. I hurt my very last friend so badly I have to move out, after I promised things would get better, that I would be more religious and less homosexually inclined. I have nowhere to go. He was my best friend, I thought he understood what was going on and would be more committed to the boundaries I asked him to set up. I thought I could make things work, and be pleasing to him. I loved him very much. But I am nothing but a creepy homosexual pervert, with mental problems and instability. I get in his way. I belong in jail. 
I have to stay with my dad rn. My father is only interested in getting my car and more money out of me. My college career is a joke. My job is on the line, because I cannot live with my alcoholic father and stepmother in town. Things were going so well, then it all gets snatched away.
I hate my mental health problems, my drinking, my inability to get adequate help, my job. Most of all I hate being gay. I hate it more than anything. I would say what I deserve for the thing I did to my friend, but I would get banned. No amount of sorry can ever fix it, no amount of prayer, or sacraments. I hate the lifestyle, I hate being around people like me, I hate the feelings, I hate not fitting in with normal men, and that will never go away. I don’t want that hate to go away.
I want it all to end, the daily torture, and the daily torture I put others through. I have dug the hole so deep there is no escape. No redemption. No forgiveness. With no future, mental disorders, homosexuality, bad teeth, a failed attempt after failed attempt to make something of my life, I am done.