TLDR: a long time friend and I caught up, caught feelings for each other, he is my FP, but he couldn’t get over loving his best friend. He told her how he felt to get it off his chest and move on, but she entertained him and now they’re seeing how things work out. My FP told me he doesn’t know what will happen. So we are just back to being friends; he is really trying to make sure I don’t feel abandoned or that he doesn’t care about me. But i fell in love with him and It fucking hurts thinking of him touching someone else like we talked about. So i told him today I will message him when I’m ready, but I’m going to take time for myself, without being emotional and passive aggressive. I told him to have a good time at her house with a smiley face and left. 

Sorry for the long post

Background: My FP is a long time friend I had an on and off thing with over the years, we would go a bit without talking, then catch up, usually flirt and mess around. We are far apart, so it was normal for us to lose touch for abit due to busy lives and school. Well, in December 9 months ago, we started catching up, and i helped him talk some personal stuff out, but things were super different emotionally this time. We talked about our mutual feelings and attraction and how things felt like they could actually work. 
Through the months we just stayed casual but it was perfect because he gave me the best attention, made me feel so great about myself and my body, and he and I always click. 
But he was struggling with getting over being in love with his close friend near him (who he was in love with already before we started catching up, and i was helping him through it bc she was in a relationship). Which I understand, bc I had my own other romantic strings to cut where I am. Emotions are uncontrollable, so I wasn’t gonna make him feel bad for not being able to get over it. Well his friend becomes a single mother, and he’s being a good friend to her, but i notice he’s a bit distant (his classic move when he’s unsure of himself and doesn’t wanna make things worse.) I knew in my gut he still loves her bc he never gave himself space from her to heal. So he starts going over a lot to help out, which I didn’t let bother me, bc he wanted to be a good friend to someone he cares about in a shit situation. They are just friends, I knew they werent doing anything bc he’d be messaging me, and there was a newborn around. 
All of the sudden, he comes to me and says, “she asked if something was up with me so I told her how I felt. I was expecting to get shot down so i could finally move on, but she said we could see if it works out, nothing is happening yet, idk if it will but I’m sorry i don’t want to lead you on” but tried really hard to keep being my friend. 

bRUH I was heartbroken and absolutely gutted, I had no idea what to do. I explained how it felt so blasé to him, just dropping the romantic aspect so fast as soon as she returned his feelings. Like i was just a fill-in until he got who he really wanted. We have talked things over and I know he didn’t want to hurt me, and he even said he still does have feelings for me, but the feelings for her are really strong wasn’t something he could ignore if they are possibly returned. I explained how fucked up it was the way he did it, and that, if his emotions were THAT strong for her, he should have stopped leading me on when he realized he wasn’t over her. No amount of me saying anything will change the fact that he’s been staying there, playing stepdad with someone who is broken hearted and has postpartum. Of course she is going to cling to the first man that helps with her child bc the real dad walked out. 
Well it hurts too much every time he say goodnight now without the pet name or the kissy face, or when I ask what he’s doing and I get a message telling me he’s headed back to her house (for the next 3 days) (he sleeps in the living room but it still makes me sick). 

WELLLLL after a week and a half of trying to see if I could just be his friend - because being without him felt so much worse - I finally gained the strength to tell him goodbye for now. I didn’t even feel as horrible as i thought. So far haven’t spoken to him since Noon, and I left him on read. I don’t plan on messaging him tomorrow, I know he expects me to bc I kept failing at goodbye all through the last two weeks. But this time I’m determined to stick to it until I feel like myself again. I feel pretty proud of myself tbh