Im 19 and about to study in a foreign country and due to my depression I am putting huge pressure onto my family because I am having an incredibly hard time deciding and make up horrendous scenarios in my head. For example that I will fail, never meet new people and stay isolated and broke forever. My depression has been prevalent since I was little and it was diagnosed in 2017. Ive been taking zoloft since 2020.

I often doubted myself, messaging my parents in the middle of the night that I will go to a smaller university in my hometown to feel safer but on the inside I know that I cant miss out on this experience. I live together with my 27 year old sister and she is going through some problems as well. When she is sad I am sad as well. My sister often yells at me to get my act together and toughen up which is part tough love and part painful but it is what it is.

Today I went outside a little since I isolated myself here for so long. My father called me and asked how I am doing and how he and my mother will support my decision even if it does not work out. That really teared me up and I rarely show any emotion to not look weak in front of anybody.