I'm depressed, then I get better, then depression comes again, then it goes, then something happens and it's back and I do things to make it worse and now I'm here. 

I want to be done. But there's a part of me saying don't. But the majority is done. How can I get better when i do things that make it come back? How can I live when I know I've reached my peak and there's no where else to go? 

I know what I want out of life. But there's no way of me getting it. 

I just need to stop. Just not be here.

I just need to actually do it. 

Just wish a freak accident or something would do it for me. I'm a coward.