Its 30th january and 2 months later there are no new news of my urgent colonoscopy, i decided ive gave up on saving my life, just to sit down and succumb into my worsening symtoms, never find support in around Melbourne, Australia

It started in october when i have found out i have anal pain which everytime i poop it hurts (no blood) and i needed urgent help but mom said its just hemmoroids and gave me a cream, it did not work and went to the gp to diagnose whats wrong and booked me for a colonoscopy which had booked for 2 months..

Then later i urged my parents to go to er and diagnose me and nurse finds out its an anal fissure but never confirmed, these words made me anxious

My anxiety gets worse when i try to eat more fruits to heal my fissures but soon develop something that resembled when i eat, i don't feel full and did research that fullness and anal pain combines colon cancer

I knew something is wrong, i tried to ask my parents that this is no joke but my parents shunned me about it, saying things like "your are fine" "there is nothing wrong about it" "you don't inherit bowel cancer in your family"

My parents are nurses they are no specialist on analysising or understanding my symtoms

I got angry, i get mad so bad that began to develop a mental breakdown, i ran to the hallways, realising im going to die and after seing the gp again andvresponded the same question again, i tried to run away to the er again but no one responded to my urgent colonoscopy

It all needs a medicare to go to the doctors which i had never possessed

My home and family felt like a prison, i wasnt allowed to go the city by myself, buy things online and most importantly going to the doctors

I have lost all hope on saving my life to get an urgent colonoscopy, i don't have the power to convince my parents to send me to the doctor, my symtoms are getting worse towards time hat i had itching when i poop and fatigue and though i lost my muscle strength just 2 days before leaving to singapore and worse mild cramping

I hope you are all fine, i have notice all the red flags in my body but my parents did'nt, why tf did they have med certificates in the first place? I have read all stories about young people who got colon or bowel cancer which somethimes without a single blood in thier stool which made ne concerned and I heard people who survived the disease are active people who did'nt notice the symtoms like Daniella Riply Burgess which i will never have a chance to recover.

I never workout ever since when i was at primary, i was former shell of my self, being depressed on being lazy to workout and spending on the pc all day

I really hope you i need support for me for this trying time, if anyone from Melbourne or other part of the world who are specialists on a simular life theating condition whould have the strenght to have a call for a urgent colonoscopy

My colonoscopy is about to be possibly booked on Feburary 2, i don't know if im able to survive if they reveal my symtoms but its too late, i realised i should accept death along with rising deaths of young adults and i have nothing to fear but expect death soon.

I wish i would expect for a positive tommorow