Hi Reddit,

My girlfriend \[18F\] and I \[19M\] have been dating for over 6 months now. She's my favorite person on earth, and in addition to being my girlfriend, she's also my best friend. We used to do everything together and I love her to death. Our relationship never had any issues, we never had a fight and we always trusted each other.

At the beginning of our relationship, she revealed to me that she suffered from Bipolarity. I am well aware of mental illnesses, so it didn't scare me and pushed me to learn a bit more about her illness. During our relation, she would have sometimes really small episodes that I could relate to her illness. But the symptoms of the episodes would always go away quickly and they never really impacted our relationship until this week.

This week, she *ghosted* me for roughly 36 hours (at that time I didn't know ghosting was a sign of bipolar depression). I decided to send her a message to know what was going on. We saw each other the next day and she broke up with me. She told me she wasn't feeling good, she wasn't feeling like herself, that she wanted to be alone, that she felt tired, and that she didn't think she could be in a relationship right now (for the record she's the one that wanted us to get into a relationship). That really caught me off-guard, since I always tried to be the best boyfriend possible, always made sure to make her feel loved, I would write her poems, give her gifts and help her in her classes. She had mentioned to me that in the past she got cheated on multiple times, so I always made sure to show her I could be trusted and to make her feel comfortable. 2 weeks before the breakup, because of the Omicron variant, we couldn't see each other as much. She would always text me to tell me she missed me, but now she wants to cut me off completely.

This decision felt impulsive for me, so I started to dig up in the weeks before the break-up to see what could've pushed her to do this. I remembered that she had abnormal behavior for a few weeks before the breakup. After extensive research and reading on Bipolarity, I think she had a serious case of a Manic Episode in the weeks prior. I remember her calling me on FaceTime one night driving someone's car by herself (she doesn't have her license), which worried me at the time but didn't make me realize it was a sign of *no regard for consequences* in a manic episode. She would also steal random stuff from stores (when she clearly has the money to buy them). I know my girlfriend to not have that kind of behavior, that triggered a red flag in my head at that time and I remember asking her "Are you ok?, why did you do this you could've hurt yourself or gotten arrested" (I know it's probably a terrible thing to say to someone in a bipolar episode, but she didn't have one in so long I didn't suspect it to be that bad) . She would always respond to me "I'm a menace to society" in some type of cowboy movie way, that clearly indicated overconfidence often seen during manic episodes. Adding to that she would say some stuff that sounded funny at the moment, but after reflection and after learning more about it, that really showed she wasn't doing well at the time. She would mention stuff like that she had "a special relationship with Ariana Grande" that with some hindsight really showed a clear symptom of a manic episode.

After a few weeks, I suspect she severely went directly into bipolar depression. When we saw each other, she looked tired and wasn't looking like herself. From my research on bipolar disorder, I wrote down a list of symptoms I perceived from her:

* Inappropriate self-blame
* Worthlessness
* Deterioration of the relation with your partner (the breakup)
* Hallucinations (she told me once on Snapchat "yo I just hallucinated" and when I tried to talk to her about it she always changed the subject)
* Urges to eat sweets and starches

What worries me the most is that she almost completely cut me off, when I try to ask her "how was your day" or "I'm here to help you" she always responds extremely meanly, which worries me since I know her to be the nicest person ever. Usually, she has so much empathy, she's always ready to help and be kind to someone. I know it's not herself talking now but her illness. I highly suspect that the bipolar depression got her to be feeling so low, that she wants to isolate herself and not talk to anyone including me, which would explain why she is so mean when I try to talk to her.

I understood that sometimes the best way to help is to take my distance and let her come on her own. I'm just worried that without any support she self destruct, or does stuff that will make it impossible for us to come back together when she'll feel good. I want to be here for her to make sure she takes her medicine and has someone to lay on.

I want to start by thanking the people who have read until here. Now I ask Reddit, what do I do to make her come back. I know living with bipolar disorder is a constant pain that I could never feel. And I know I have to be meticulous with my words if I want to talk to her right now. I realized while she wasn't with me that I knew so little about her disorder, I took the time I had to cultivate myself on her illness by reading books, articles, studies, and watching videos. I understand that during a depressive episode, trying to give too much help will only make the person push me more away.

**What should I do to make her understand that how she's feeling right now is due to her mental illness and not to the fact that she isn't living her life right. How can I help her right now and how can I make her come back.**

Living the past few days has been a challenge for me because even though I know all of this can be related to her bipolarity, a part of me feels abandoned. It's hard not being able to talk to your favorite person all of a sudden when you did your maximum to never see them go. When I try to talk to people, I see some type of judgment (I'm a black man with dreadlocks who is often taken for a drug dealer or rapper, when I'm really a Computer Engineer major student that has so much love to give and really takes time to write love letters or learn about someone's disabilities). During the whole relationship, her happiness has always been my priority and seeing her happy made me happy.  I gave so much to this person and had my favorite memories with her, she's the one I did my first time with and she helped me so much mentally. I'm scared that I will never see her again. The fact I know the reason we broke up is due to her illness, I can't move on, it would make me feel like I abandoned her with her demons. 

Thank you indefinitely to all those who have read in full, any help is appreciated whether they are a health professional, someone who lives with bipolar disorder, someone who knows people with the same disorder, or simply someone who would like to give their opinion, thank you very much.

&amp;#x200B;

P.s. Sorry for my horrible English, my first language is Canadian french.