So around four or five years ago I had a really unhealthy friend group. Everyone was constantly fighting and I (I realize now, smartly) did my best to stay out of it. Of course I offered emotional support because everyone was really mean during the fights. I remember one time I was the target for some reason or another. My absolute best friend who I had known since I was two said to me, "You never get involved. You never attack or defend. You just leave your friends to dig their own graves and it makes us all feel like shit. It makes you a bad person because we think you don't care."

Now I had no idea what to say to that, and even back then I knew it was at least somewhat smart to stay out of things. So I just said "I'm sorry you feel that way". And her response to me saying something that p much means 'i don't give a shit' (in that context) was "I guess I can forgive you."

I still think about it and it still really pisses me off.


TLTR; is it a BPD thing to basically hold a four year grudge or should I just get my shit together?