I've hesitated a lot before posting because I don't want to bum anyone else out. But I don't know where else to go to right now and I feel so alone. 

Recently my mood has been extremely low and I feel like I lost all hope for a future. I'm turning 30 soon and still I am trying to re-learn all kinds of basic emotional and relational skills. While my friends are making their own families, I am sometimes too anxious or sad to even do groceries. 

I'm in therapy, and even though they are comforting, it's hard to keep going and keep hope when you feel so fundamentally flawed and incapable. Also therapy is not forever and it's always optional; if I decide to quit tomorrow they can't force me back. 

I wish I had an anchor. Something or someone stable to keep me going. Someone to hand me a glass of water when I wake up to help me get started on another day. Or something I can believe in, a group I can belong to, a place I can feel welcome. 

But these hopes, these wishes for a future or a home, feel like they are in another galaxy, so abstract and far away. I cannot for the life of me reach them, I can't imagine being part of it someday. 

How do you keep going?