Okay so, I'm your typical third world loser in his 20s with no purpose in life and I have no idea what to do. Period. I don't just mean in life, I mean in general. I'm not posting here so I'd get good advice and if I sound too cynical, please delete this post and ban me or whatever I'm just posting this here because I complain to my best friend way too much and while she doesn't complain, I really don't wanna bother her with my stupid issues all the time. I'll list some things that makes me the way I am and if anyone actually reads it and wants to call me names go ahead I probably deserve it and sorry about the bad writing I'm indian and not a very bright one
I like avoiding people and social interactions too much. 
I know it's like a funny meme on the internet where you go haha oh hey he knows me I better hide my face I don't wanna say hi but I'm unironically like that. All the time. I never want to talk to anyone and I'm ok with that which is problematic because that's why I can't keep a job and you need to have social interaction skills in a country like India lol. I feel like such a loser typing this lmao but man I wasn't always like this. I live in india and I've been involved in so much drama with people that I hate facing them. What kinda drama you ask? Well, you know my mom's addicted to alcohol and india is not a country where they accept that shit unless you're like super rich. My father's dead and she's a single mother so she's dated several men and she's cucked them all lol 
I honestly don't even know where to start because there's so much she's made me go through I feel so bad for saying that because I love her but man she really has made me go through so much. I got my ass kicked too many times trying to save her ass from people. I've begged people not to call the cops on us for her behaviour and I'm so tired of cleaning up after her. I'm tired of dealing with her abusive boyfriend and other men she's been involved with. I don't think it's just her and I don't mean to blame her for everything either I think it's mostly me who just sucks at life. I cut contact with everyone some years ago and stopped trying to have a life of my own and everyone now thinks I'm insane lmao. The worst part about all of this is, I can't write down how exactly I feel. The constant pain in my chest, the sadness that I feel 24/7, the constant need to wanting to hurt myself and actually doing it and like, not knowing how to explain that is so hard. I don't mean to say you guys wouldn't understand btw but I'm sure you can all agree that that's all you can do. You can't feel what I feel and that's what sucks about it.
 And like, nothing gives me joy. Nothing. Going outside, playing video games, talking shit with friends or whatever. None of that makes me feel anything and i honestly don't understand why I have to keep going in life. The only reason why I'm still alive is because I even suck at killing myself. There's so much more that I want to get off of my chest but as I'm typing this down I feel stupid because what is the point of this omg I'm just going to be told life's worth living champ
 anyway I think I'm done