 

Alright here's my story.

At 16 I was doing an impersonation of a Jordon Belford from wolf of wall street. I was acting like I was sniffing in cocaine and I remember I had immense pain in my nostril my heart raced, I tightened up and then a small thing shot up to my head and then I had head pain. I then went into a dreamlike state for 10 minutes and heard voices then nothing, then a voice kept saying wake up you need to wake up and I did. Then I stood up, got dizzy and fell down. I cant remember anything before the event, my parents, my brother, no one seems familiar. I have had trouble breathing since and swallowing and it hurts to breathe . I have to tell my eyes to look at a paper and my face feels paralyzed to where I cant smile.

After that I stopped sleeping and lost it. I was so obsessed with this event I knew I needed to go to the doctor. I said to myself I don't want to tell my dad we don't talk about non guy things and my mom would get made at me if she found out I was watching the wolf of wall street. I told no one. I got very obsessed about it and depressed. I managed to obsess about it until I was 18 when my brother attempted suicide I lost it. My thoughts went from no thoughts to extremely fast and then I couldn't sleep or eat or do anything I went up north and was over the top happy then came back down after things fell apart and wanted to commit suicide. I was then put on antidepressants. I then had the racing thoughts come back on the antidepressants and all the thoughts I had came back about my brothers suicide and every time It comes up I say fuck It ill work because that's how my mom deals with stress I don't want to play video games anymore for stress relief. So I throw myself into work for stress relief. I have no friends and then I wanted to die so I said fuck it I cant do it anymore. It all became too much the sleeplessness from the racing thoughts for 5 years and all of it and I took a handful of prozac+ibuprofen+something else and overdosed.

Physical doctors- Alright physically you need to physiologist

Physiologist- You have OCD, if you have trouble sleeping see physical doctor to get sleep meds

Other Physical doctor- Your bipolar you need to see a psychologist to get sleep meds

Psychologist- more antidepressants plus sleep meds

I still feel out of wak

I didn't want to let my parents down that I'm not smiling so I went on benders to make them happy

I cant do this shit. I lost my job, my friends, and school because of this life.

I cant take it anymore. I don't know who to see all I know is my thoughts keep racing so fast I cant do school or work lord help me. I regret too much I should have said this to a doctor a long time ago but I panic every time I try to talk about it with a doctor because im scared il be locked up.