
I had a friend group that I had stayed with for most of the last 2 years. It wasn't until my birthday a few months ago that someone I was attached to decided to abandon me because it became too much to handle. He told me he hated me and that if I was suicidal I should have gotten help instead of bothering the people in my life about it. 

It was so uncomfortable being around that friend group still seeing as how he pretended nothing ever happened. It wasn't until my high school graduation that I couldn't take it anymore. I started being rude and mean to people in that group for siding with him. I was jealous the whole time that I started getting excluded from all of our major events. People stopped talking to me. And the friendships I spent so long trying to keep stable collapsed in a few weeks. So I cut them all off because it was too much to handle and they retaliated against me.

My secrets started getting spilled along with text chains and close friends' Instagram stories about how I'm pathetic. I've gotten so many hurtful and rude messages through social media and texts after they decided to share my number with others. 

This summer has been the worst 2 months of my life. I can't talk to anyone. I don't go outside except for work and I stopped eating. This week something snapped in me after they sent me a picture of them all out telling me they're happier without me. And I stooped to their level. I said words I had never said before and did everything I could to upset them with what I said in a letter to each of them.

I can't talk to people in public anymore. I tried going to the gym again and clubs or the library but I felt like nothing was getting done. I didn't feel better at all.

I caused the ruining of my high school career because I couldn't let one person go and along with that the rest of my life. I'm tired. I've never tried getting the help I needed until I met them and even then I spent a lot of my time working hard to make things work for me. And now I learned that even though I tried everything I could to get the help I need it was never enough to please the one person I cared about. I need help. I want him back even after everything. It couldn't have all been for anything. I just wanted to communicate but I pushed him away because I was too much.