So there are multiple things that or some reason I feel strongly about. Mostly irrational but I have reasons (I think. Not sure anymore tbh) and when faced with a situation in which they collide...it can be dangerous. My ex gave me a knife. I promised him never to use it to cut. One side of my brain feels strongly about staying clean and the other feels strongly about doing everything to spite my ex. This is just one example but not the only one that leads to suicide and most of the time I’m not even suicidal anymore