not gonna get into the backstory i wasted all my fucking savings and trust and care on idiots with no lives who literally smoke all day and sit on their asses and just chase whoever has the most cash and i literally wasted months and months of my life in darkness thinking they were really my friends

my lifes fucking better now i have so many things going for me yet everytime i get in a shit mood or go through some inconvenience i just remember how i could have a few thousand dollars still hence i wasn’t a FUCKING IDIOT and yep most of the time im just so happy and am able to see the opportunities i have but whenever i have a little bitchy bpd episode it makes me wanna fucking kill myself literally so suicidal and im not a suciidal person but when im in these moods i dont trust any thoughts i have and dont make any actions yet my brain is screaming at me to do something, but i shut my mouth and have self control because i dont trust myself. that feeling of being absolutely helpless while remembering all of the dumb shit ive done for these people makes me want to die. i ruined so many relationships with family and other true friends for these ungrateful cunts. not saying im grateful or better than them, i mean i try to be grateful everyday but fuck see now im rambling on and now i just fuck fuck this fuck my life fuck how everything is unfair fuck how everything im feeling right now is just my borderline


my life is PERFECT yet apparently its not i just want one person i know in real life who understands me and isnt a dropkick and actually wants to pursue dreams 

i was a dropkick for so fucking long but no way am i gonna waste my life... either way im born and dead at the same time who cares if im exhausted from all the effort i put into my life if i wont even feel the exhaustion once im dead, may as well go all out yet no one fucking sees that so they just sit their and waste precious precious seconds

i want everyone who’s ever done me wrong to go fucking snap a bone

so much for not getting into the backstory