I (22m) can't express how disappointed I am in myself, the way I acted when my step dad kicked me out of a house I was rented from him. 
I went mad and smashed the house up, I screamed at my girlfriend, I went downstairs and tried punching the builder that I was doing the kitchen with, he called my mum and she came to pick my girlfriend up. I jumped infront of her car and she hit me with it.
All of this was impulse and I don't really remember it fully, I get so angry that I feel like I black out and just go psychotic.. I need help

This was all at the beginning of the year, I now have moved away and blocked my family and they have no way or contacting me, I only speak to my grandma because she will never hate me, I love her.

I got arrested a few weeks ago because I was arguing with my girlfriend about Instagram (social media ruins everything)
And then a traffic warden was looking at me so I screamed at him to get a proper job and telling him to go fuck himself, I looked like an idiot, everyone was probably watching me, I got on a bus and someone must of called the police because they parked Infront of us and arrested me Infront of everyone on this bus.

I can't remember when this rage began, I just know that I'm so impulsive now that I'm scared of what I will do next when I'm angry, I need to speak to someone but my psychiatrist calls every few months and it's so hard to get hold of them. 

I feel like I've got to hurt myself and then go hospital to be able to talk to someone about my issues, that's the only time I feel safe and happy that I've got someone to talk too, I've been in hospital 5 times this year,all due to mental health and my anger.

I dont want to keep acting up, the smallest things can really anger me, like talking about my boss (keeps ignoring me about money) and then I freak out and I broke the banister, what's my fucking issue? I'm a crazy cunt and I need to just be removed from this planet.

I love life though, I appreciate so much and I will cry at the beauty of earth sometimes. But I don't deserve to be here when I am this sort of person.

Anyone got any tips on how they control their anger? Anyone able to actually stop that rage coming when they feel it?

Or if anyone can even talk to me, that would be nice. Feel like people (medical professional) just see me as some horrible angry person, or antisocial -
 but I'm actually so loving and have so much to say about the world, space and anything that comes into conversation, I will talk to strangers and compliment them, because I like to make others happy - I'm a different person when I have these episodes. It's not like me and its definitely not something im proud of - it makes me cringe that I've been so horrible

Sorry for the rant, and sorry if it doesn't make sense I'm just rambling at this point 

Much love guys and girls. Really want to be able to control these emotions and outbursts.. I just need a little help