Sorry for venting. Something I think about: 

If I had only one day, with nothing consequential to do, no work etc., I would be able to fix everything that I’m not able to fully attend to.

Meaning - I would feel like I have the time to get ahead on bills &amp; emails, reach out to family and friends, have some semblance of a regular eating schedule...Hell, maybe I would have a few hours to just chill out, enjoy some TV and maybe a drink? Can’t forget self care. Right? 

In this ideal 24-hour day, where I had nothing but the space to accomplish, I FEEL as if that’s all it would take, with a focused mindset, to get back on a normal, healthy path. Think of it like a sick day where you somehow managed to get better, be productive, and then some. All in the same day.

I’m learning this is a total BS fantasy. On the free days I occasionally find myself with, this mindset will never occur. Something, big or small, will drag me down away from my goals, and I’ll forget they even exist. When I wake the following morning, all I can do is loathe the idea that I wasted that very day, the one I idealized. It’s a cycle that repeats and repeats, but it’s a self inflicted wound.

As much as I want that day, I forget that progress and recovery is a sum of multiple days and efforts, not just one. One day at a time.