After 3 years I’m relapsing again, back to the old depression and anxiety, used to do it with alcohol, now even with some lil drugs, not too lethal but I know it’s bad.

I just don’t know what the fuck should I be doing anymore, I’m getting medically treated, and diagnosed, and still be able to function like a normal fucking human being, yet I feel this numb sad feeling all the damn time, I just wanna get high all the time and ignore the pain

The most painful part is I have to endure and try to make everything better, be happy, and can’t die yet coz so many responsibilities, can’t just leave family like this

Now I’m building tolerance, what’s next? Just OD till I black out? Idk anymore