I sometimes get a little bit jealous when I see people in these bipolar groups get all giddy and post about it all joyful like. For me, about 80 percent of the time, mania is hell. I can't think straight or consistently get stuff done. I can't control my emotions, which are negative a lot of the time. I get psychosis, bad. I constantly have suicidal and homicidal thoughts. I have done impulsive things that ruined my life in one way or another because of my delusional thoughts. I smoke like a chimney and drink like a fish at times. I lash out at my family and friends over dumb stuff. I get so grandiose at times, and sometimes I feel like a loser. I mean, sometimes it does feel good. I'll feel like I'm the best there is. But most of the time it's hell. I wish I had it like some of these people who see mania as like some sort of gift.