I'm more quiet bpd than regular bpd, tho in the past I have had several outbursts that caused a lot of problems. 

I've deliberated isolated the last few years as it's always developing relationships or even friendships that makes my symptoms far worse. It's easier to be empty and depressed than constantly wearing a mask and shame spiralling every time I slightly open up to someone.

I'm reasonably high functioning, I've held a steady job for a few years and paying off a mortgage on a townhouse. I have a solid professional mask. The problem is in my private life I'm in a hell no-one would have a clue about. If I could some it up would be shame, anxiety, self loathing. Some of my closest friends I've just  mentioned 'depression' but even then they're like "you just need a girlfriend, or be grateful for what you have" etc. I do see a psychologist but strangers are hard.

My family seems to ignore the many strange behaviours and episodes I've had over the years. The 3 relationships from hell ("You have the worst luck with women hahaha") the isolation, i feel they just deny it.

I can't bring myself to tell anyone. I like this place, people get it. I'm anonymous. Thanks for being here.