Hello over here reading through these and have never felt like anyone has taken so many words out of my mouth than in here. Has anyone had success in navigating a relationship?  I want to start one with this person but am really scared. Last relationship was a turmoil. Fucking everything triggered a huge emotional response where I demanded attention or some kind of reassurance and after a while I stopped receiving it. 

I want to do this relationship thing successfully but I don’t trust myself to be a consistently nice person and I let myself get slammed by these intense emotional blackout periods and I manipulate people to make myself feel better or I don’t even know why I do it. It feels like this other me fueled by rage and sadness and whatever the heck it is I’m feeling in the moment and I want to prevent myself from doing it but I don’t know how. 

I also want to NOT do the devaluation thing, which I do with so many goddamn people and I hate it so much. 

Anyways. Success stories? Tips? I want to stop being a manipulative bitch and not snapping into hatred mode and exploding or just not liking for some tiny little thing they did. It’s ridiculous and I need to grow up but it’s so fucking hard. I’m aware of all these things but in any moment when I’m interacting with people these conscious thoughts just fly out the damn door and leave me subject to whatever actions my rage brings. 