i’ve been trying to refrain from relationships due to the unhealthy nature that comes with them. the obsession, the anxiety, the fear, the need to know everything at all times about them and not being able to function without this other human, but someone came into my life. i am so scared. he seems very similar to me and i told myself i wouldn’t jump into things the way i always do, where i end up completely unwound in front of an almost stranger and they see the mess and just leave. they abandon me when i felt safe and happy and thought there was reciprocated feelings. i said i wouldn’t but i did, he also did too. we explained our fears, our mentals, the negatives but im still afraid. im afraid im worse and will end up alone. it’s happened many times before so why not now? im terrified and it’s been 4 days. this illness embarrasses me to no end due to the fear i have of something that isn’t even in sight. 
just wanted to put that out to the world.