I first had a restrictive eating disorder at 12 and all I remember as a kid was either eating a lot or not feeling like I wanted to to eat, but the true eating disorder didn’t happen until I was 12, then after the restricting I was binge eating at 14, stayed obese until I was 18, relapsed into restrictive type eating disorder at 19. Got on meds that caused weight gain. Developed an alcohol problem. Gained more.
Now I’m on the right meds, and eating normally but I get eating disorder triggers from bloating, my thighs touching, uncomfortable clothing so I’ll be restricting again.
I’m 23, I’ve lost this weight so many times and gained it back, I’m so tired of my life being like this. But I can’t accept my body the way it is, I keep trying to ignore it and I can’t. I’ll end up either binge eating again or starving again. I want it to be the last time but a lot of the last times I wanted to be the last time I did it. I’m going to restrict again but I’m so sick of it, over and over.