I think I am slowly becoming stupider and stupider. I've noticed that any time I'm in a situation where I need to use basic reasoning and common sense, I fail. 



Yesterday a lady came up to me in a parking lot asking if I had change for a $20, because the parking machine didn't take $20s. I pulled out my wallet and was looking to see if I had $5 in coins, and I didn't and said I only had $4 in coins. She asked if I had any $10s and I pulled out one $10, and she said "Well I don't want to give YOU ten dollars." I eventually figured out I didn't have any change for her and she left. For some reason I didn't equate bills as change, so I just focused on coins, and didn't understand that we're both supposed to leave with $20. I blanked.



Today, I emailed my psych to reschedule our appointment. She asked for my availability for the next few weeks, minding that she works Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. For some reason, I replied giving her my availability on Mondays and Fridays, because my thought process was "Oh, she's working that day so she won't be free". Like, dude you literally are her work. She emailed back confused and I replied apologizing and giving her my correct availability. 




I could go on for years. These aren't one off things. This keeps happening. I embarrass myself in front of a lot of people because it takes me a stupid amount of time to fully comprehend what's going on or fully understand what people are saying to me. 




I don't know if I've always been like this, but what I do know is that ever since I got onto medications (and the amount of times I've switched meds), it's become more noticeable. Something doesn't feel right. If our healthcare wasn't so shit right now I'd talk to my psych and ask for a brain scan or something, or to see a neurologist. I feel like all of the medication hopping I've done over the past 5 years has absolutely destroyed my brain chemistry. I'm afraid for my future; scared I'll walk into work on my first day and make it absolutely clear that I am not the sharp person they thought I was. 



I'm so young. I don't want to feel like I have the cognitive skills of an 80 year old. I just needed to vent about this.