    Ever since I graduated high school in 2016, I’ve experienced severe mental health issues. I went to college on anti-depressants and did ok the first two years, but then things started unraveling. I had a mental breakdown at the very start of my junior year in 2018. I nearly decided to attempt suicide in my apartment to end the nightmare, thankfully I have supportive parents and they talked me down from the ledge. I decided then to talk to a counselor and after the session decided to pull out. I went home to get help and thought things were going pretty well. 
     About 2 years passed and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to drop my medication since I was feeling better. I guess I wasn’t being honest with my self about my feelings (i was listening to bad advice about self help and thought the medication made me a weak man. My therapist was also tacitly supporting it. This was in 2020 at the height of the pandemic, no doubt I was engaging in insanely destructive behavior looking back at it. Things were ok for a while until I had a severe mental breakdown that hospitalized me. I felt like my life was sputtering again so I made a snap decision to go back to school in Jan 2021. Thankfully i got back on my meds, but the time back at school was anything but productive.  My dog passed away so that was pretty awful. My grades were pretty good but I was so miserable, i had no friends in school since all of them had graduated. My saving grace has always been my parents, if not for them I don’t think I’d be alive today. I took another semester off last January 2022 which would have been the first semester of my senior year. 
     That brings me to today. I tried to go back again but the same reaction occurred. I had another breakdown and brushed up to the same suicidal ideations I’ve been feeling at school. I feel awful, just awful that this happened again. But I hope this time is different because I’m going to get psychiatric help at home. I’m definitely never going back this school. I’ve been so resistant to help, growing up in a toxic community. Idk I just need to air my thoughts, I’ve never really been honest with my self about my issues. Thanks to anyone that takes the time to read.