It getting harder day by day trying to encourage myself that thing will be okay, that today will be a good day but it becoming clear my problems are causing more harm than good. I have been going to therapy one thing my doctor told me to try doing is expression how I feel and talked about my problems to others. At time I wish I would have keep my problems lock up inside me. Day by day I hate my self more and more for not being normal. 

Decided to speak up at work because my anxiety and depression has been impacting my work performance so decided to speak up to see what can I do to calm myself down during work hours with out getting in trouble. Side note I do have FMLA but usually I am able most time calm my self with about 10 min. It is now at the point I have my union lawyers involved and my HR and legal department involved. What I do not get is that I work at a call center for public transportation. My department is paratransit which involves working with elderly and client with special needs you would think they would be understanding that one of their employee is suffering a mental illness they would be flexible. Nope not the case that I have to be on the phone a full 8hr that not including lunch and a 15 min break. It to much to handle that I am starting break down and cry from this.

Second issue decided to be more open about my issue to my family about what I am going through at this moment only out of my family that tries to help me is my mom . She starting to break down from being in so much pain that she struggling to find out what she can do to help me. Once again due to my issue I am causing my mom feel sad because she does not no what else she can do to help. Today was the first day she left home with out saying by to me. 

I stare out the window all I can see an abyss desperately trying to find some light in this darkness. How I wish I go drain my issue down a bottle , How I wish my pill bottle would numb my emotion so my voice in me head would just shut up. 

I just crave someone to hug me and tell me thing will be okay , that things will get better.