I have been taking 10mg Lexapro for one year exactly on January 1st. Well, I actually stopped taking them 2 weeks ago. 

They helped me feel “normal”. I didn’t have any anxiety and stomach cramps that result from it anymore.

I don’t have anxiety now and feel better but I still struggle with the question “what is it all for?” Sometimes I spiral into thinking I don’t need new nail polish, new clothes etc. Because I wonder “FOR WHAT?” I am going for my Bachelors and have a full time job. I recently started going to kickboxing which has helped me tremendously. 

The only time I truly feel happy is at kickboxing when I am around amazing people and I have fun working out. 

When I come home I immediately slip into my “boring” life. Like how do others buy stuff to make cookies and then spend hours baking Christmas cookies or come up with an elaborate meal for Christmas? And then go back to work after Christmas? To me it feels like it’s not worth it. I didn’t even decorate for Christmas because I get no enjoyment out of it. I just don’t see what other people see or feel. 

To me, life is not beautiful. I feel my life is pretty much wasted. I am not suicidal but I just don’t see the joy in anything. I am annoyed by myself always questioning everything. I think I need to be more worry-free and spontaneous…. I just don’t know how. 

I don’t want to take Lexapro forever but I also don’t know if it could help with my twisted way of thinking??? 

So hard to explain how I feel. I just hope someone here feels similar…