26M had anxious phases throughout my life in differing intensities, OCD, Panic Disorder, Emetophobia, GAD, Health Anxiety. The last 10 years of my life I had been great, I definitely had anxious tendencies but I was able to manage day to day without any need for treatment or excessive mindfulness.

3 months ago out of the blue I had an extremely stressful few weeks that brought me back to the overthinking, stressful, worrying state that I worked so hard to beat in my last episode when I was 16/17. I had a panic attack, which at the time felt like I was having a heart attack or lung failure. Recognised it and moved on, still a bit concerned. 2 days later at work I noticed my heart beating a bit harder than normal. The dizziness, sweating, weak feeling came over me and ever since then the dizziness has been there without fail non stop for 3 months.

I wasn’t particularly anxious at this stage, but was concerned about it. No GP or medical professional has found any issue with me from bloods, ECG, chest X-rays. They diagnosed me with mixed GAD and depressive disorder.

I started googling everything, trying to figure out why a doctor couldn’t diagnose me and took it on myself. Big mistake. I developed health anxiety. I ended up in hospital thinking I was having a heart attack. I tried everything I could to find what was causing the dizziness, I went to the dentist as I was having a bit of tooth pain and was told my wisdom tooth had erupted and was infected, that could be causing my dizziness. I was put on antibiotics and I had relief knowing there was a cause.

A week later I visited my doctor as understandably, even with diagnosis, I was still now an anxious wreck most of the time. My GP ordered a stool sample and a full blood test for deficiencies. Turns out, I had a C. Diff infection - for those that don’t know a nasty infection of the gut. I was asymptomatic and the doctor still treated it and now, I know with an ineffective antibiotic that causes lots of systemic problems. The antibiotics caused me to have a depressive and suicidal breakdown so I was stopped.

4 weeks later, I’m now having what I think is a reoccurrence of the infection and I need to be tested. I’m terrified of what that can mean and what more antibiotics will do to my gut flora and the gut-brain axis. 

I can’t feel like this anymore. I want this to all end. I can’t fight an infection, anxiety, depression and I have a massive fear of taking my prescribed Sertraline due to potential side effects mostly nausea and vomiting. I’m trying therapy, hypnotherapy, massages, herbal supplements.

Is there anyone out there I can chat to? I’m feeling hopeless and irritable.