TW: mentions of self-harm

(I am going to be a junior in college as of this fall, for reference).

I was never diagnosed with BPD but I was diagnosed with major depression when I was 16. (I am now 20). I did take Prozac for about 6 months, however, I then quit cold-turkey because I was starting to feel shamed and guilt by my parents. I soon quit therapy as well.

I never saw a therapist again until this past spring semester, because I have started to realize I am not okay. I have had multiple episodes of depersonalization while at school, as well as concerning paranoia.

There were episodes where I had these intrusive thoughts that people were going to hurt me, kill me, or sometimes I would even hear voices in my head telling me to hurt myself. (so I did, but the scars have faded). I would either cut myself at school when my roommate wasn't around, or punch myself in the face to purposely bruise. If I thought my roommate had plans to hurt me, I would hide and steal sharp objects (scissors) so she shouldn't have access to them in the room.

Since I am also on an acne medication (Accutane) I am starting to believe this drug is worsening my depression (its listed as a side effect). I have never mentioned this to my doctor though (I have been on Accutane since March) because I am afraid he would stop prescribing it to me, and I would rather have nice skin.

This summer break has been one of worst in terms of emotions. I can be extremely depressed one day, paranoid the next day, or randomly happy.

Typing this out alone makes me scared as to how I can possibly be a full-time student in the fall. I know I absolutely must return to the therapy services offered by the school, but other than that, I am at a loss. I was never officially diagnosed with BPD either so I feel like I'm lost.

Is there anything else I can do?

**TL;DR, Diagnosed with major depression when I was 16, quit antidepressants cold-turkey a few months later. Started experiencing severe depressive episodes and paranoia while in college, thinking people are trying to hurt me. I have stolen scissors from my roommates so that they couldn't. Accutane has worsened the depression. Sporadic episodes of depersonalization as well. I did see a therapist my previous spring semester and I want to see one again, but is there anything else I can do?**