I have a very close friend whom I love very dearly and I don't know if it's the BPD talking but it sometimes feels like our relationship is very one-sided.

If my friend is having a bad day (due to mental illness, which we both have a variety of) or just run-of-the-mill annoying things, I make a point of listening to them, encouraging them, trying to find a way to make them laugh, emphasising I'm there if they need me and offering to talk or do an activity.

If I mention I'm having a bad day, however, I often feel brushed off. My friend knows I have BPD so I get the feeling their internal thought process is essentially "oh, mollymostly is at it again, she'll calm down soon and be over it", which may be true but it still hurts to admit I'm feeling unhappy and just get "oh no :( do something kind for yourself".

And I want to stress I'm not constantly having huge meltdowns over text or anything, I try so so so hard to contain myself so I'm not a bother or inconvenience. I'm talking about being asked how my day is and admitting I'm not doing so well/am stressed out/feel sad, etc.

I know it's not reasonable to expect my friend to drop everything and make a fuss of me, and I don't expect that, but it would be nice to get back something similar to what I put in, you know? I've considered pulling back my own efforts so the relationship feels more balanced but then I just feel like an enormous asshole for not doing everything I can to be there for them.

The thing is, I do know my friend loves me. They tell me so often. But I feel like I am just not a priority for them, and I can't tell how much of that is real and how much is the BPD.