I don't ever want to wake up again. I was in love with the woman of my dreams who turned out to be a narcissist psycho. I worshipped the ground she walked on, gave all of myself to her and she discarded me like a bag of trash. I was a fun, interesting person with hobbies and drive. Now I'm a drug addicted alcoholic mess who wants to die. She extinguished the light in me and I can't get it back. My hatred for her and related sadness is a weight I can't get rid of. It's been 6 weeks since we split and I feel like she has zero remorse for ripping me to shreds. I have no way of getting the revenge I crave and I know such thoughts are unhealthy. I've been through breakups before but nothing like this. We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together and she smashed it to pieces. I hate her for it and I want her to suffer. She deserves to suffer. I'm so fed up with feeling like this and just wish I could vanish into non-existence. Jist getting out of bed is something I have no desire to do.