I had the worst breakdown of my life a few days ago and verbally and physically assaulted my SO. I was extremely drunk and I felt like I was being controlled by a demon. I said and did things that i would have never thought would come from me. Vile, vile, horrible things i said. For hours just screaming. Hitting him and myself. And then having a PTSD flashback where i cried under my bed for another few hours. My neighbor heard everything too im pretty sure because we were outside. He forgave me and we are going to move forward but i cant forgive myself. I hate myself so much. I dont know what to do.

Yes i am looking for a therapist and want to get sober.