In spite of my self and all the HORRIBLE shit I have ever done I tried getting back out there. 6 months with a diagnosis, 25 years without it

Whatever. Government housing agency is screwing me around and I got ghosted by some chick on tinder after organising a date. Once upon a time I would have smashed my head through an internal door over this. But I didn't. "Progress", lol. Fuck progress. Progress is a fucking meme that applies to regular people. There is no progress, only the illusion

6 months without her and I just wish I was dead. I tried killing myself with antipsychotics before I met her but whatever the fuck deity created this life has me marked for entertainment value.

Life is too long. I want off this ride