what a weird title. i usually go through “cycles” as i’ve always called it of a few weeks feeling depressed and then it ends and i’m alright again, for a month maybe two and it happens again. i never looked for a reason why! i’ve always struggled hugely with anxiety- it’s now gotten so so much worse. i’m only 17 and i’ve been doing a lot of drugs- ive previously done drugs but recently i’ve done LSD i think 6 times- once in october and the rest through december-start of january. the 5th time i did it i felt amazing after, i made aspirational life goals and planned them all out entirely- creating my own business. then i did it again soon after thinking it’d make me even happier: it’s sent me down a rabbit hole of craziness... i did smoke a lot of weed too and twice now i’ve broke down to my friends mid hangout terrified because we are just meat sacks.. i started to see myself and all my loved ones as just meat. this stuck when i was sober, now i usually just see humans as weird looking animals, and i can’t pull myself out of it! i even see myself as an animal. i spend my days zoning out completely, but with no thoughts, or bad thoughts if any, no motivation to move, or do my work, i’ve been ignoring my family, cut off most my friends, i just can’t be bothered to speak to anyone. EXCEPT my boyfriend.. i’m infatuated with him, i don’t know if it’s normal. he is the only thing that can make me feel something. also i’m so sensitive like the smallest thing and i’ll misinterpret it and overthink it for hours, maybe think about it time to time for the next few days. until i forget because weed destroyed my memory!! though i have actually quit now as i think it makes this worse. my coping mechanisms used to be journalling, meditation, yoga, but now i can’t drag myself to do those things. i’ve been in this state for well over a month now and i don’t know if i can escape it.. is it drug induced? is this my permanent state????? if this is what i’ve done to my brain i don’t know how to carry on. i feel crazy after reading this back