To make sure I don't fucking lose the only job that's given me a chance and been kind, I do what I can to work hard and get there. So I get really worried and scared when there are so many mornings I can't force myself out of bed on time, resulting in being late twice in two weeks. I make up the time with work-hour adjustment, but I know if I don't fucking push myself to not fuck up they could finally get tired of me and boot me out. The new temporary supervisor until they hire a new one already expressed concern over it, which just makes me more fucking nervous. More caffeine and more worry over my loved ones who are in direct threat after the Supreme Court decision on top of everything else, it's hard to fucking 'suck it up and be more positive', you know? Or I'm just a fucking failure on borrowed time until this job too drops me.