I guess I could say I wasn't dealt a great hand. I had a semi rough childhood. My mom married my molester and his molesting family. I was silenced for years and when I did speak up my parents (biological) parents... Well, they treated me like they were afraid of me. I had the molested disease so you know that glaring fucking sign on my child fucking head said, ignore this one. I was always too painfully observant, I knew if I spoke up shit would change and I took the burden of blaming that change and disrupting everyone's lives. Probably why I have a guilty conscience and why I refuse to lie. I didn't really have anyone, my dad stopped hugging me and my mom continued to just as she always did and not really exist. I didn't have anyone to talk to and I had to raise my younger brother so I definitely didn't have any time to process anything and I'm just writing this from a really emotional state so I'm sorry. But there really hasn't been a moment were I ever felt really loved or a moment I felt like someone really loved me and even at the ripe age of 30, I don't have a single person. I feel so fucking selfish and stupid saying that because I sound like I have a victim mentality idk. Like I haven't done everything I could have done but, I've tried. I really fucking I tried. I did therapy, I tried to talk, I've tried dude. Maybe because I've been so isolated idk. I just feel like it's getting to a point where I can't keep doing this.