Does any else feel like their BPD is just an exhausting cycle of overstimulation/overexcitement, rage, then crippling depression, with the occasional panic attack sprinkled in? And predict exactly how it will go, but still can’t stop it?

Anytime I feel things, its like ripping off my skin and standing out in the cold wind. I feel so raw and empty inside, but also feel things so strongly that it pushes me to extremes. I can feel rage so intense that it causes me to verbally abuse someone I love, then proceed to feel extreme guilt and depression for the way I acted, then followed suicidal ideations. Just when I think it’s over, I feel numb..which to me is the worst of all. 

Not knowing anyone else with BPD can be so alone, I’m sorry if this post rambled. Thank you for bearing with me if you did. Please let me know if you feel this way too, and what you do to cope.