In my healing journey I have realized how terrified I am of vulnerability and being vulnerable or authentic with someone in a relationship. 

The truth is I’m still in love with an ex of mine and I still have this hope, but I know I’m obsessed with an attached outcome that just isn’t working out for me anymore. It was never about letting him go or ceasing the friendship, but rather about me letting go of this desire for him to fall in love with me again one day so that him and I can get back together, thus a happily ever after.

I can’t tell you just how much he means to me (but he sure does mean everything to me, that’s the best way to put it for now), but I will never meet someone like him. People can’t be replaced after all. 

It’s going to be a while before I can find love again or someone who speaks to my heart and is good for my growth… but I know I have to just give myself time. 

One day, I will be able to love again and I will want to be a part of a partnership but for now? I will be okay…. 

Happy 2 years to my best friend / ex