This is an edited version of a comment I left elsewhere on the subreddit that I figured might be useful information for people unfamiliar with (Linehan) DBT! I hope someone finds some utility from this post. 💝 

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BPD and Empathy:

Empathy and emotional sensitivity really are quite different. BPD often leaves people very sensitive to emotions, which in turn leads to greater formation of mirror neurons to read emotions in others.

The issue is, a bigger lens doesn’t necessarily mean a clearer picture, and in this case, the larger amount of neurons is partially what can cause a lot of the harder to deal with symptoms in BPD.

Overthinking and over analyzing the emotions of others comes from cues generated by the mirror neurons taking in visual information and then activating pathways which trigger anxieties and the such.

People with BPD may have the ability to be more empathetic, if they have control over their BPD through medication and skills usage, but by default they’re no more naturally empathetic than anyone else. Empathy is just as much a learned behavior as it is a biological one, and the bio-social theory (the foundational backbone of DBT) reinforces as much.

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By learning interpersonal communication, mindfulness, emotional regulation, and distress tolerance skills you equip yourself with a tool belt to help you work through the many tough situations life throws at anyone!

Since we have a higher capacity for emotional sensitivity, people with BPD especially need these tools!

Society doesn’t teach them naturally either unfortunately. You either get lucky through what you’re taught in our school systems which have a tendency to stunt emotional growth as it is, or you take it upon yourself to go learn by joining an intensive DBT course, preferably based off of the Marsha Linehan Model which focuses on the bio-social theory of psychology.

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The following section is copied (almost) word for word from the DBT Skills handouts and worksheets, second edition, by Marsha M. Linehan

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Linehan DBT looks at problem solving like such:

When life presents you with problems, what are your options?

1. Solve the problem:

Change the situation... or avoid, leave, or get out of the situation for good.

2. Feel better about the problem:

Change (or regulate) your emotional responses to the problem.

3. Tolerate the problem:

Accept and tolerate both the problem and your response to the problem.

4. Stay miserable:

Or possibly make it worse!

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1. To problem solve:

Use interpersonal effectiveness skills.

Walk the middle path (from interpersonal effectiveness skills)

Use problem-solving skills (from emotional regulation skills)

2. To feel better about the problem:

Use emotional regulation skills.

3. To tolerate the problem:

Use distress tolerance and mindfulness skills.

4. To stay miserable:

Use no skills!

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Linehan DBT also operates under a few assumptions about each participant:

1. People are doing the best they can:

All people at any given point in time are doing the best they can.

2. People want to improve:

The common characteristic of all people is that they want to improve their lives and be happy.

3. People need to do better, try harder, and be more motivated to change*:

The fact that people are doing the best I can, and want to do even better, does not mean that these things are enough to solve the problem.

4. People may not have caused all of our own problems, but they have to solve them anyways**:

People have to change their own behavioral responses and alter their environment for their life to change.

5. New behavior has to be learned in all relevant contexts:

New behavioral skills have to be practiced in the situations where the skills are needed, not just in the situation where the skills are first learned.

6. All behaviors (actions, thoughts, emotions) are caused:

There is always a cause or set of causes for our actions, thoughts, and emotions, even if we do not know what the causes are.

7.  Figuring out and changing the causes of behavior work better than judging and blaming:

Judging and blaming are easier, but if we want to create change in the world, we have to change the chains of events that cause unwanted behaviors and events.

 *but trying harder and being more motivated may not be needed if progress is steady and at a realistic rate of improvement.

** parents and caregivers must assist children in this task.

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Here’s more info on the Biosocial Theory:

Biosocial Theory

People often ask themselves; Why do I have so much trouble controlling my emotions and my actions?

Emotional vulnerability is biological: It’s simply how some people are born.

They are more sensitive to emotional stimuli; they can detect subtle emotional information in the environment that others don’t even notice.

They experience emotions much more often than others.

Their emotions seem to hit for no reason, from out of the blue.

They have more intense emotions.

Their emotions hit like a ton of bricks.

And their emotions are long lasting.

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Impulsivity also has a biological basis: Regulating action is harder for some than for others.

They find it very hard to restrain impulsive behaviors.

Often, without thinking, they do things that get them in trouble.

Sometimes their behavior seems to come out of nowhere.

They find it very hard to be effective.

Their moods get in the way of organizing to achieve their goals.

They cannot control behaviors linked to their mood.

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An invalidating social environment can make it very hard to regulate emotions.

An invalidating environment doesn’t seem to understand your emotions.

It tells you your emotions are invalid, weird, wrong, or bad.

It often ignores your emotional reactions and does nothing to help you.

It may say things like “don’t be such a baby!“ “Quit your blubbering.” “Quit being such a chicken and just solve the problem.“ Or “normal people don’t get this frustrated.”

People who invalidate are often doing the best they can.

They may not know how to validate or how important it is to validate, or they may be afraid that if they validate your emotions, you will get more emotional, not less.

They may be under high stress or time pressure, or they may have too few resources themselves.

There may be just a poor fit between you and your social environment: you may be a tulip in a rose garden.

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An ineffective social environment is a big problem when you want to learn to regulate emotions and actions.

Your environment may reinforce out of control emotions and actions.

If people give in when you get out of control, it will be hard for you to get in control.

If others command you to change, but don’t coach you on how to do this, it will be hard to keep on trying to change.

It’s the transactions that count between the person and the social environment.

Biology and the social environment influences the person.

The person reciprocates and influences his or her social environment.

The social environment reciprocates and influences the person.

And so on and on and on.