My roommates and I threw a late fourth off July party yesterday. A decent amount of people turned up and it started out really good.

I also recently took up gardening as a "thing" that's just mine. Like every time I had a meltdown or anxiety attack I would buy a new little flower or plant to go in the garden. It was just a weird little coping thing but it started to look nice and I was pretty proud of it. Like I started to think of the flowers as little babies and I got to watch them juuuuust beginning to bloom in the past week or two. 

I put up solar lights and little cheesy "Welcome to my Garden" rocks and made a little rock wall.

I kept telling people to watch out for it and make sure not to step in it or anything at the party.

A few hours later I walk by that area and see a guy standing there talking to his friends with my baby marigolds smooshed under his shoes. 
I made him get off but by the end of the night nearly every flower was destroyed. I've been trying to pick them up and fix them but it's not working and I just break down and cry looking at these little innocent things I couldn't protect.

That coupled with the fact that people who weren't my boyfriend touched my chest (to see what my implants felt like) but I was too drunk to tell them no when it stopped being just honest interest I guess and now he's upset, obviously.

I haven't felt this bad in a few weeks and...I don't know. I just hate myself right now.