I am toxic. 
I made excuses for my behaviour over the years. 
I dated someone for six years. Though, we weren’t compatible or happy for a long time.
I always sought attention somewhere else, but blamed them for being emotionally unavailable.
I didn’t truly love him, because I didn’t love myself. 
I treated him horribly. 
I did try in the relationship, but I never felt good enough.
I wasn’t enough. 
I compulsively lied, I flirted, I kissed two guys throughout our relationship; I got feelings for two other guys. I literally was so shitty to him. 
I can make all the excuses, I knew we weren’t good together. He is a nice person. I am toxic. This is a huge realization for me.
I know I do good, I am also a good person I do good things but I hold a lot of toxic traits.
I never cared or respected him. 
I broke up with him, fell in love with another man. While my ex “begged” for me back, I refused I knew I wanted someone else. I didn’t want my ex anymore. I also wasn’t happy for a long time, with him or myself or where the relationship was never going.
Once my ex moved on, I became obsessive and messages him and made him feel shitty. 
I didn’t heal from the relationship, we finally cut off contact finally. I find myself, hurting my current partner who is so good to me, accepting, handsome, honest and kind. I have potential with him. Though. I am having all these intense anxieties and realizations.
It feels scary, but good because I am ready to get better.
I am ready to learn to be good, learn to love myself and finally let go of my painful past.
I want to love my new person. I do love him, but I don’t want to hurt him anymore.
I am toxic.
First step, self awareness and learning.
I will be okay.
I am okay.
I have decided to check into the crisis unit, take time off work, heal. Actually heal and let go.
Stop comparing. 
I also want time away from my current person, I want to restart and if it’s right we will come back and work.
He deserves more.
Please give
Me guidance and kind words