I’ve been having a relatively good day. But It comes to a holt when I remeber that I wont be able to spend time with my bf.

Hes a really kind guy and someone who gives off a loving atmosphere. Without him I feel more lost then ever. He always know how to cheer me up and writes the most amazing writing pieces. 

I (15F) have struggled with trusting people when they say they are coming back. Ever since a little girl (grade 1, age 6) I’ve struggled with this. At a very young age (6) I lost my Oupa/Grandfather. He was all I ever wanted in this world. It was always can go to Oupas house or Oupa can we go for a drive to see the white horses (waves). I knew something was up but my happiness always covered it.  Three months before he past we moved and I remeber crying for days because he told me I’d see him again the day we left. The day we left was the day we last saw him. I remmber rushing to the hospital in my home city and not being able to go in because of my age. All I remember was the nurse telling me he had an ASMA attack and it wasnt the first time.  Two months later he’s still in hospital and I being 2hrs away from him knew deep down somethingg was wrong. While in the bath tub I remember shouting he’s gone and crying and my parents trying to calm me down to find out what happened; when the phone rang and the guy on the otherside said he’s gone. My Oupa the only person I had a connection to gone in a flash. I rememver always blaming myself for it to this day. 

To you reading this it may not be much to you but to me its everything. Haveing a connection far deeper then ever imagined with someone who only lived for you and fought for you every single day gone; without saying goodbye, kills you from the inside out. 

I still think about him every single day and try and live my life for him. 

About (June/Julyish 2021.) I met this boy sweeter than honey and softer than the clouds. Someone who I love. We became great friends over the holiday and at school when finally in (December 2021) I asked him to be my boyfriend. Through all my breakdowns he’s been there for me. I feel a connection to him deeper than the connection with my Oupa. When he’s not a round time stands still and ice spikes start falling on me. He’s going away for two days and I most likely wont be able to speak to him. I don’t know what I am to do.

What should I do?
Any ideas how to keep your mind busy?