27 this year
I have nobody around me, I wake up every day and just cry my eyes out every few minutes before it's time to go to work
I've just regressed over the years, never had anything that would actually interest me apart from video games, because you know, it's just such a perfect world, everything has purpose inside virtual reality
I have zero notable skills, zero perseverance at anything, what I used to like now either messes me up completely or is just... like a void, zero impulse, idk how to put it
I can't read anymore, don't listen to music, don't watch movies or series or whatever, never had people to socialise with past my teens, video games are just making me want to die in the instant because I feel I could be doing something to better myself instead, but when it comes to it... What do I do? Had a dream of getting into the game Dev industry, but doing multiple courses and trying my own projects over the last half an year just... went nowhere, programming overwhelms me, I have zero creativity, zero artistic skills, I end up straight up wanting to die when I try to get inspiration from YouTube videos on people's journeys into the industry

I live abroad, in UK namely, and I also feel absolutely isolated here, since I came over it's been nothing but struggle, but I don't have anywhere to go back to - even though I'm near positive I'll have to leave due to the settlement status stuff, couldn't keep a job for long due to mental issues so I can't help but feel my presettled status will not be transferred into "settled" upon applying. I don't have the financial means to go anywhere. I don't have financial means to heat my home. I don't have the financial means to fix my crumbling teeth, one of which is probably infected right now

It's just this empty, grey void of worse and worse jobs, zero purpose moving on, trying not to burst into tears at any given moment, and painful, painful nostalgia showing me every single time how things just deteriorated, how nothing came into their place

It's nothing but bleakness out there, and I'm so tired of being absolutely hopeless, useless and broken, with nothing to look forward to but more problems, more isolation more pain. I don't think I'll hold to the end of the year with offing myself as I see no other way out. I didn't want to go on for years now, but hey, it'll be better ye? Well no, it just got worse and worse, and now even escapism offers no abode