We’re going on six months and I just feel...flatlined. He’s in love with me and he talks about how he sees such a major future with me, but I just... don’t. I have so much love for him but I’m not someone that he deserves. He loves every part of me and is trying so hard to work with my BPD and supports me. But I just know it’s not going to last. I need therapy. I need meds. I need a complete overhaul mental health wise and I need to focus on myself.  I keep thinking of the best time to break up with him but there is no best time and I know it will absolutely destroy him. He’s so sensitive and I know he has emotional issues of his own so matter how nice I’ll try to end it, it will break him. I just feel so guilty. I feel like I led him on thinking this will be some lasting relationship when I think I’m just scared of being alone. I’m codependent as fuck but I don’t think I really know how to love. Although I really think I learned a lot about myself after being with him. I’ve discovered what I want and what I don’t want and how to catch myself way more when I’m splitting. Tbh for a while I thought it was just the disorder telling me that stuff is wrong or that I wasn’t feeling it, but the attraction is fading and I’m coming to terms with the fact that maybe this isn’t something worth fighting myself over. I’m terrified. All his friends have become my friends and as soon as this relationship ends, I’ll be pretty much totally alone. I’ll be the ex. No one will want anything to do with me. I’m striving to be more independent but fuck this is going to be rough. I want to get a therapist before I do anything to make sure I have a cushion for when I inevitably go downhill  again after this is all said and done.