  My last post ended with „Sorry for my bad English, I’m currently stuck in a deja but kind of feeling“, so you might have read that already, here is the long part of this damn issue.

So, it might got worse due to the weather and being home after 2 weeks, but I am stuck in a deja but kinda thing. 

I feel so awful and hopeless, derealised and in desperate. What am I supposed to do? 
Everything feels like it felt 1-4 years ago, 4 years ago I was awful depressed and one year ago I took speed. 
Bad things happened on speed, I have yet to process. 
Someone once me that you „ can’t really process anything on speed“; so I guess that’s why I am still struggling. 
I might act weirdly and different, maybe I don’t, but I feel 10% myself. It’s like I’m feeling the same(!) depression again as I did at my 2-4 years episode. It’s the same exact feeling. 
When I am in my bedroom, I feel that feeling even more. I wanted to go outside but since I feel incredibly out of control, I won’t to that.
Currently I am trying to distract myself by watching YouTube videos and eating (sad, I know). I will have a nap and hopefully feel a bit better afterwards.
My body signals me it’s stressed too; I have tinnitus (which I always get when I am stressed) and I feel weak. I have a stomach ache and I feel like everything looks kinda different and feels kinda different.

What is this??
Did anyone else experience something similar?


Excuse me if this post is hard to read; I feel very confused!