ive been single almost 2 years now. which is the longest time ive been since since i started dating. 

i currently switch between wanting a relationship  really bad and being unable to even imagine being in a relationship anymore.

i just dont have that inner emotional turmoil anymore.

ive been splitting on friends too, but around two months ago, ive decided to distance myself from them because they just werent helping me, in fact in a lot of crisis situations, they made me feel even worse.

and i just dont have those reactions anymore. if they dont text me or something, i dont really care because i have no expectations for them anymore, because we arent friends in my mind. 

yes i am really lonely and my phone is dry af and its crippling sometimes, but i dont know... maybe its worth not having those breakdowns? 

i would like to hear you guys' thoughts.