I lost my virginity to a guy a few weeks ago at my birthday party, and I guess my fucking delusional brain assumed he'd be falling over himself to date me - well, that didn't fucking happen. I've been anxiously texting him to hang out, we did once but didn't end up having sex or doing anything really more than sleep in the same bed and he left at 7am for work without saying anything. Guess that should've been my first and last red flag but obviously I'm too fucking stupid for that. I wanted him to give me attention, so I tried breaking my ankle with a hammer so that I could send him snapchats of me getting a cast on and maybe garner some sympathy and shit, but nope, not one single message asking me if I was okay, and it turns out I didn't break it so there's no cast or physical thing I could have. Then tonight I sent him a message stupidly asking straight out if he wanted to date me, and surprise!! He said no. So in my fucking distressed meltdown I hit my leg with the hammer again and I'm fairly certain it is broken this time, but now I'm scared to go to the er cause they'll probably force me into the pysch ward which yeah might help some people but I have ptsd from when the forced 16 year old me into the adult pysch ward. Oh yeah, and what makes everything worse is this guy is the centre of my fucking friend group so there's no avoiding him, I just can't go to parties anymore because it'll be awkward. So yay more social isolation, it's not as if I have more than three friends anyway. Idk, I'm just so fucking desperate for approval that this hit me like a brick fucking wall and I can't calm down. Sorry for ranting I guess, I do that a lot on here :( 