I got married when I was 22 and I'm now 28. I got with my partner a month after an abortion and was very suicidal and when he messaged me I essentially took it as a sign from the universe and that he was the one. We spent two years long distance before he moved from the UK to the U.S. to be with me and marry me. This man would do anything for me and loves me but I feel like after six years the connection is fading. I used to be a hard worker but have become lazy and dependent on him to take care of me and I know that's no one's fault but my own but I feel as if I'm being held back. I used to work 70-80 hours a week and can now barely do 20 . We also never have sex and I've spent our entire relationship being "polyamorous" but it never works out because very few people are open to the idea. I fell HARD for our friend years ago and we started talking again and I've always been childfree but I see a future with him and kids but he doesn't feel the same because I'm married. We've settled for FWBs but I wonder if I'm just doomed to constantly have FWBs because I can't have that with my husband. Idk if I'm even polyamorous anymore and wonder if I'm just chasing other people because I lack affection from my husband. He works hard for us and I know in my heart nobody will ever be as loving or understanding as him but we never have time together I don't feel like I'm in love and what I feel for this other guy I've never felt with my husband. I know regardless I'll never be with the other guy and I know a part of me does love my husband for everything he has done but idk if marriage was good for me. I feel as if I'm having a midlife crisis and I don't know what I feel anymore. I'm also in a mode of being self destructive. I don't want a divorce I just wish I could feel for my husband what I feel for this other guy and it's just not there. I hate feeling this way. I don't understand my own emotions most of the time and I'm just wondering is this how every relationship is? You just commit to this person until one day you're just questioning everything and if you even love them anymore . I'm so sad and feel like he deserves more than someone like me but he tells me I'm everything he wants in life and he is the ideal person for me and being in an open relationship has helped fill in the gaps but I wish I could just have it all with him