I have never in my life been the one to break up with someone. I will try and try and try to fix the relationship because it's devastating when people leave me. We have known each other closely for 3 years, and had dated since the beginning of this year. 

After we started dating they changed. They would do things that hurt me, and then they would kiss me back up and tell me they love me, then ask for money to help with their abusive living situation. I have had no issue sending them money in the past. Usually under 50$ to help cover bills. But in March I sent 150$ to help pay for a moving truck to get them out of a bad home, finally. I'm not going to see that money again... But I never sent it with the expectation of it being returned, I thought that it was just a mutual support ya know?

Since we started dating, they've made me feel bad about liking certain interests when they don't like them. Made me feel bad for talking about them. Eg. They would threaten to leave the chat if I kept talking about _____ show. They like things I don't like, and I listen to them gush about their interests even though I don't understand because it made them happy. But they always shut me down.

One made me feel bad about buying a 17$  set of Crayola markers because I wanted to get back into drawings, and I had had a rough time and needed a little self care purchase for me. He said that if HE had that 17$ he would've bought groceries with it. I apologized to him for it.

That same one then attacked me saying he was pissed off that I complained so much about my situation (I was in a major motor vehicle accident that's left me disabled and unable to work while I recover, and I only get 200$ a week from insurance. Now, this is more then the two of them get combined, but our countries have very different economies. Their rent is only 300 and something. Mine is 750. So yeah even if I get more money a month, I'm still as poor as they are in theory... 

That same one then accused me of abusing my pets because after my accident I didn't clean my fishtank for 3 months. I was heartbroken and devastated that he'd say that to me because I love all my animals (fishtank, 4 guinea pigs, and a dog) and yes, it was hard to maintain their care, and my own, while recovering from the crash, but it wasn't neglect. I made sure they were fed and their living spaces weren't a total mess. They are fine I assure you.

Then that same one, still on his tangent, said that my experiences through my gender transition has pissed him off too, and he told me he is bitter and hates whenever I talk about the little victories I go through. He's bitter I got gender reaffirming gear within months of realizing I was trans, while he had to wait years and years to get the same thing due to circumstances. I apologized. I told him it's not my fault he had to suffer for so long but I thought he would be happy and supportive as my boyfriend through my transition. He says he is, but he doesn't want me to talk about it because it makes him feel bad about his own transition.

Then he unfollowed all my social media, and deletes WhatsApp, leaving me with no way to talk to him.

His fiance, the third part of our triad, said nothing to me through this entire thing. And when I reached out to him, he would always start with "I'm suicidal, so be careful" like?? So I can't talk about what bothers me or else what, you might hurt yourself?? Why would you say that?? I turned to venting my frustrations elsewhere, keeping names and details hidden because I value their privacy. But he got mad at me for "shit talking" them in the internet and making them look bad.

He told me this was just my BPD making everything worse, and he told me to calm down multiple times, but I wasn't upset to him, I just wanted answers. He wanted me to apologize for venting, he wanted me to apologize for hurting his fiance (with my privilege, as he said) and he wanted me to apologize for some other things, idk, it was a week ago, and I'm still upset over it.

I held my ground. Because I had spoken to some people about my situation, and I asked if this was hurtful and toxic behavior because I felt like it was but I've been conditioned to second guess every feeling because "what if its just my BPD". I didn't apologize. Instead I just asked if they wanted to continue this relationship, because they didn't seem happy with me anymore and I told him I didn't feel loved by them like before. Again, he told me, "it's just your bpd, calm down, you always make the worst of things" and I just wanted an answer. Either a yes, let's work this out, or no, I don't want to do this anymore. 

I just wanted to know how they felt about this. And if they wanted to work it out, I would help them work it out, but if not then they needed to tell me so I can start letting them go and moving on, and finding someone else who will value my love and support. I didn't want to be the one to break it off. But he turned it around on me. And I told him I was done. And then the two of them blocked me on everything.

I just want to know if I did the right thing. It's been a week, and like, it feels a little better to be able to openly like things again, and to not feel bad about upsetting someone over the littlest things, but I'm so incredibly lonely, my days are spent alone in my apartment, unable to leave on my own, and no one to talk to. I'm just heart broken and devastated because I had known these guys 3 years. We planned visits and a future together. It's so empty without them.

I'm almost tempted to say fuck it and just deal with them so I can have some company back in my life. But I can't get a hold of them...

I just need validation... I just need to know If I did the right thing and if I should keep on this route.