Teeth related venting coming up. On mobile.

I randomly try to smile at myself in the mirror and just get reminded about the garbage quality of my teeth: que uncontrollable crying... I'm often scared to smile at people because of my teeth. I also have this fear of losing all my teeth. I already had to have one pulled and it was probably the worst experience in my life ever.

Why am I scared to smile at people? Well for one my teeth are all crooked, but I never got offered braces as a kid, because I guess they weren't crooked "enough". Two, I have had an ugly cavity on one of my upper front teeth for years! Dentist just never filled it. I think they said it was inactive?? But so many people keep pointing it out, thinking it's a piece of food... it's super awkward.

I'm so fucking insecure and I hate it. I'm actually dreading going to the dentist (though I know waiting keeps making the situation worse), in case they'll tell me I need like 10 new fillings and I really can't afford that. My mother kinda works for the public dental care in my city (just handles equipment orders in the office) and she told me they're gonna be raising the prices even more. It's awful, it's ridiculous! I can see private companies doing that, but the public?? Why

Oh man, another reason why I hate going to the dentist is cuz they always send me to this public dentist that's located at my old middle school (I'm 22, FYI), and that's kinda far away and I have to take the bus AND walk a lot to travel between there and home. It's bad because I get really bad adrenaline drop after the drilling and just wanna lie on the cold concrete and cry, but still have to make the trip alone.

Big vent, I'm sorry. It's half 5 in the morning and I'm just crying my eyes out. I wish real life had easy fixes for problems... :(