I'm almost 28 and still live in my childhood bedroom. The other day I had what felt like this little moment of clarity where I looked around my room and thought "This looks like a damn kid's room." On top of that, my sister-in-law got a good look around in there when I hadn't cleaned and I was super embarrassed. So now I feel like I need to seriously look at my life and make changes, but my depression and anxiety have me feeling trapped in my own home like some recluse. I don't feel like I have any meaningful relationships with anyone besides my dad, who actually supports me as best he can. I don't really feel like I can have a serious talk with my parents about it without either worrying them, or them just telling me to tough it out.

I think maybe if I just had more support or even just more motivation I'd be doing a lot better, but it's like asking for water in the desert around here. The words choke in my throat, and if they manage to get out they're fairly pointless anyway. They look at me and say "Well can't you just do it yourself?" Or "You know there are other people who have it way worse." I feel like total crap unless I'm achieving or producing something, and even then I still feel like crap because it's never good enough. My whole life feels like an amalgamation of abandoned, half-attempted, and outright failed endeavors.

Sometimes I just wanna trash everything, go to sleep, and hope I don't wake up.