I hope this will be worth your time reading. And I hope that maybe a lot of people might learn from my story.

30F. I grew up with in*sane* anxiety, debilitating anxiety (mostly social) that ended otherwise healthy relationships, kept me from participating in way too many things, and just seemed to be 'incurable.' Guess this is the sub where people understand what I mean.

Anyhoo, I've spent years and years seeing various therapists/counselors/psychologists/psychiatrists. They've mostly all been helpful in their own ways. But the thing is, anxiety itself has usually been the specific thing that I was trying to "treat," and now at the age of 30...

...there's been a realization. One that I am 99% certain is true and it really just makes me feel kind of terrible. 

I've learned a lot over the years and have kind of figured out that my brain isn't 'neuro-typical.' For a while I actually thought I had Aspergers (it runs in the family), but with a lot of more digging I'm pretty positive that what I had is something along the lines of 'slow processing speed type ADD.' I've received this as an official diagnosis at least. A massive struggle that I have because of this differentiation is with communication, especially with verbal. I've also figured out that my mind isn't nearly as sharp or focused as many people's, that I don't tend to think "in words," and that moving from one task to another is EXTREMELY difficult for me. I'm an excellent writer though. 

While learning about this disorder has almost been a relief, and I feel maybe I understand myself a lot better, it's also made me extremely sad. Because, I now think that there was a HUGE underlying reason for my out-of-control anxiety growing up that was absolutely *never* addressed. I constantly sought help for the anxiety itself and got advice for it, but never really thought, "hey, THERE IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT MYSELF THAT IS LITERALLY CAUSING MY ANXIETY all the time." 

Now I wonder a lot about how things may have been if I had focused more on working with my ADD issues - things like learning better verbal skills, communication and listening, etc. I really feel these skills are such an essential root to feeling comfortable around other people, and allowing you to actually *thrive,* and since mine were just so broken, well, you get the point.

My anxiety could have moved mountains, it was so overpowering at times. Now unfortunately it's all switched over to depression. I actually sometimes miss the anxiety, it gave me more energy at least (maybe I shouldn't say that in this sub). 

Anyway, has anyone else actually slowly realized there was a cause/reason for your anxiety? I'm really curious. Happy 2021.