 

I have been contemplating if I should kill myself seriously for the last year. 

Life is full of things that can one happy, however, I haven’t able to enjoy any of the things that one would typically enjoy. 

Work was one thing i have always been able to derive joy from, however, it has been tough for me to overcome complications and issues associated with it. 

Outside of work. i have been drowning myself in alcohol, smoking and simply filling my life with busy schedule so that i can forget what i have been going through. 

Hearing about friends, friends of friends, as well as colleagues that have taken their lives, i have always wondered if this has been the right way out for me along 

Looking at my search history, the most common search has been “how to kill myself”. I have taken the courage to call them but never been able to prevent me from making this decision. 

Despite of years of CBT and SSRI, I dont think I can ever live past the depression and anxiety that I have been facing. 

I would like to thank my family and my close friends for hearing me out the issues that I have been facing but I will never be able to repay your kindness, kinship and friendships. 

I have never been religious and I dont believe in heaven or reincarnation, but if I had, I hope to repay your kindness in the next life. 

I am sorry that i have let everyone down and I dont think I can ever repay your debt. 

I have always imagined a life with kids and loving family that I could make up for what I didn’t have, but that’s a goal to farfetched to achieve.