This problem has been puzzling me for a long time. 

When I read about a fictional character mentally struggling, I normally feel moved, like my feelings are seen and validated.

But when a friend share their mental health struggle, sometimes I can’t help but feeling some sort of hatred bubbling inside me. I would start to think things like ‘Oh you think that is bad?’, and feel the urge to out-pain them, to share my personal story that is worse than what they’ve just told, to invalidate their struggles. 

Of course I have never acted upon those urges, because I’m well aware of how shitty it feels when you finally ignore the anxiety and try to tell someone about your struggles, only to have them replying “Oh everyone feels that way” in a cavalier manner. 

But I’m just horrified of what tf is wrong with me to be so cruel