i was controlling (due to jealousy) but my bf had enough and turned so badly abusive that i learned not to say or do certain things (even innocent or normal ones) just to not upset him. i have gotten scared of him, when will he scream at me next.

he casually tells me to fuck off and wants to kick me out of his place randomly, even when it is the middle of the night and he was okay with me being here (before his mood changed). he threatened to call the police on me twice (i did not do anything, outside of standing up for myself in an argument).

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i think he turned very abusive and i just keep blaming it on myself. even though i know that i didn't talk to him badly or didn't scream with him or anything, i still feel that his behavior is justified because i sucked in one aspect in our relationship (jealousy).

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but i have been abused for so long and lately so bad that even my fear of abandonment is not strong enough and i want to break up. i am terrified but i really, really cannot, cannot endure the amount of pain he imposes on me with his behavior. i cannot.