 This is going to be a long rant but stick through please.

I went in some time ago and got diagnosed with Schizophrenia, BPD, and major depression. During the time I attempted suicide and had a bad breakup. I feel like I'm in denial about such disorders existing. Because I have fantasies of how life ought to be and how everyone should be treated. And those fantasies are positive from my point of view. Because what I see is a world of people treating the environment properly and not trashing the hell out of it and helping one another. But when I perceive the world around me I feel like it's out of balance. There was a quote I heard "We are the only species that has to pay to live and eat, yet we are supposed to be the most intelligent." This is practically how I see society under a sort of shady veil.

I feel like I don't belong in this world yet I am of it. I hear voices in my head telling me "This reality is messed up because you're messed up." Is there inner soul work to be done and externalized into this reality before I go unto the next level? "Who am I? Where do I belong," these sort of voices echo silently in my head. And I'm sure they ring through other peoples minds once in awhile.

I'm tired of being alone and feeling like I'll never be found by a mind alike. I see certain forums against us and it's as if were castrating our own people. Labeling others and telling people to stay away from certain kinds of people. Yes you may be thinking "There's abusive people some should stay away from," yes. But abusive how? There's the kind of abuse that will land you in prison and there is the perceived abuse that one is using you for there own gain. I believe every person has a heart and there is no true evil or good. There is light and shadow. Positive and negative. And each person is charged with those energies.

For sure if you land in a relationship where one has a higher charge of those polarities than the other it could throw the balance off and cause disruption for both individuals. If the energy doesn't match up but the love is still strong the two will have to find some sort of middle path to compromise. Or the two will have to face the facts like mature people and know there are indifference's not mental illnesses, and that we need to perfect the way that we seek out individuals that are like us and speak to them heart to heart about what could separate the two of you and learn to be transparent about whom we are before jumping into a relationship.

Not all of us are raised right, sometimes there's a divorce between parents and there is physical abuse throughout our lives. I believe such instances in life could affect a person and slow your growth spiritually and emotionally but you're not mentally ill because of that. I don't like using the terminology "Mentally ill," I'd rather say you're "Unwell." I've experienced abuse in my childhood and divorce.

I was left alone most of my life in a daycare before things started to pickup. Maybe this has made me a clingy attention seeking individual due to the lack of attention I got when I was young. I know I'm different from certain types of people and I don't want to mislead people when in the search of love. I want genuine quality friendships not quantity. Same goes for relationships. I have trouble finding someone to love and be close to me because I'm shy when it comes to putting myself out there. I've been in a good relationship gone bad because we've mislead one another. And we weren't transparent enough before we hopped into that relationship and realized our energies don't match up. She was an asexual and I didn't know how to handle that and I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable being with someone who likes sex a lot. It just didn't feel right and it was hard for us to find middle ground. And I didn't want my extreme attention seeking tendencies to manipulate her into giving things to me that would make her feel bad. But I didn't want to just stand there and suffer myself. I love her and myself and I had to let that go.

Relationships aren't all about sex. It's about friendship and common interests. Having some of the same patterns as one another so that we can point out that in one another and possibly improve on the good things and reduce the bad!

They say the narcissists like there own reflections. Well what person shouldn't like there own reflection and be seduced by it? I think it's good to have positive self esteem in your image. What the problem seems to be is looks can be deceiving when what people are genuinely looking for in the long haul is someone who reflects to you what you see in yourself. Why would you look for the opposite? They say opposites attract. Yes, but does that mean it's worth it? I think finding someone that thinks very much like yourself and shares your energy will be very fitting. Because when the both of you become upset your reflection will be more transparent, and the path to happiness will become clearer. A negative multiplied by a negative will give you a positive.

My definition of a bipolar person is: A super sensitive-clingy, attention seeking person.

My definition of a narcissist: Person whom has difficulty finding another that reflects there own image mentally and physically. If they cant find that they will be big butt heads.

Definition of a Shizzo: Person that lets there thoughts be voiced (Practically everyone noh?) Sometimes those voices can get strong though.

TLDR: I believe love is found by seeking out someone whom shares the same mind and has similar energy on wavelengths on par to your own.

I feel reality is a journey of purging negative things from your perception and internalizing those things at the same time and shining light on them. Reality seems like an inherent reflection of self. It isn't perfect. But it's getting there, and we may not get there in this life. But we're doing our part!