So I had my introductory sessions a month ago while I was suicidal. He said he was away for 2 weeks, but booked me in for today so it was a full month I was waiting for this. It was really tough going, with my friends and family literally on 24 your watch at points.
In that time I’ve really turned things around. I’m focusing on my exercise and reading, nurturing some semi healthy friendships and throwing myself into work.
I turned up to the building today, was let in and someone else’s name is on his door. One of the counsellors came out and when I asked, she said she had no idea who he was.
I cycled 15 miles into town for the appointment and I’m not sure whether I’m just super tired and dehydrated but for the first time in weeks I feel like giving up. Even my own therapist can’t be bothered to show up. I don’t even know if he’s been fired from the company. I texted and called him but his phone is off.
Am I being BPD reactive in the level of rage and disillusionment I feel? I’m so angry I put myself out there, and I’m now pretty adamant I will not attempt counselling again. I was healing on my own in many ways, even though obviously all of the trauma and stuff is still unresolved. I feel I’d rather try and stay alive my own way than put myself out there again.
Also on a side note, in the first couple of sessions he focused a lot on orgasms and seemed to be implying I’m a sex addict. Previous to this I had another therapist who started doing appointments with my sister while I was still seeing him, and it got weird. Maybe no one can help me except me.