I’ve been depressed since elementary school and life seems to get worse and worse as I grow older. I’m a rising senior in high school now and all my friends have gotten better grades than me. I got a’s and b’s in middle school but in high school started getting C’s, D’s, and even failing some final exams. I go to school every day tired as fuck putting in hardly any effort and usually high to be fair. I can’t imagine a future where i’m happy or a career that I would he satisfied devoting myself to. I have no skills or talents, i’m scatterbrained and chronically unorganized and i’m very underweight and skinny. On top of this, I hate being sober so much. I’m only even slightly happy when i’m baked or fucked up somehow. I’m not going to quit drinking or smoking or using other drugs which plagues me with probable health problems in the future. I don’t want to be alive. All i really want is to blow my brains out but im living day to day until then.