I guess this is a question for the slightly recovered bpd folks?

I’m currently almost starting full on treatment and it is of pretty high quality, so that is going well for me. I already have health workers guiding me so I feel under control mostly. It’s been 2 months now since was admitted in the hospital after an overdose suicide attempt.

I’m having trouble thinking ahead and I was wondering if anyone else has had the same? I can’t even think about working again, or building something up or investing in myself whatsoever.
I go to treatment and therapy, I even read up on dbt and bpd at home.. But somehow eating well or working out feels like an investment for a future I just can’t see yet.

Like I can see myself going to this or that event/treatment next week or in 2 maybe.. But anything further and I’d probably rather die, I would still rather not exist than life a live.. Maybe I should wait on treatment.. 
