Will I be happier? 

I care way too much about what other people think of me. So much that I'm paralyzed by it. Literally scared that they're going to hate me. Not even just dislike me but actively hate me.

That worry coupled with my disorder is a nightmare. Not only am I unable to make close relationships people actively dislike me.

I'm talking about mostly at work. But it's been almost all my jobs where this happens. And some of them I've been fired because someone or even everyone disliked me. 

And they can never say exactly why when asked even by others. I don't say anything mean. I'm sarcastic but we're all sarcastic.  But people take it really seriously with me. I find that I can't make the same sassy jokes as my peers.

Other than that a lot of people have literally said, I don't know what it is its nothing she's done I just don't like her.

This has taken a huge hit to myself esteem. So much that it's obviously made my fears of judgment worse.

I just asked my new roommate if she wanted to hang out but she already had plans so I said ok what about tomorrow and she said she's text me.

Nothing about that interaction was probably that weird. But I'm over analyzing it trying to disect if she thinks I'm weird or not.

So much wasted energy and so much time in my life has been dedicated to mentally freaking out about other people.

So much time I could've spent enjoying being myself. I keep getting in my own way. Why can't I just accept that myself is enough.