 So Im trying to date again after 3.5 months of being out of a toxic / long term relationship. I liked this guy, he was nice and just made a lot of jokes. I figured it was nerves. We had two pretty intimate evenings together, and I knew him from a few years ago too where we also went on some dates. I liked him, thought he was nice

We started chatting tonight and I wanted to ask if I could tell him about my brain to see if it worked with his so we briefly touched on trauma and it was fine, but then he left me on seen so I asked if he was okay. He then said yeah and he’s sorry he just didnt know what to say and I was like “its okay 🍄”

He then asked if I was okay and I was like yeah and made a joke and he said “fair” but then wanted to be open so sent him this: 

“ like okay, I very much enjoy your existence  a lot actually tons

I just have triggers as well and I dunno, I am worried our brains may slightly clash despite me not wanting them to

I need to be reaaallly careful with myself :) 

I am a really emotional person and I like to talk about things a lot, communication is like THE most important thing for me. I worry I say too much when people don’t match me because I talk a lot and have a lot of words, and its 100% okay to be you (of course I’d want you to be you) and if texting isnt your thing that is also okay 100% we just may have different views or needs maybe 

But the little things matter to me a lot and I just need to have anyone Im kinda with or seeing or even just casually cuddling sometimes or whatever it is, not do the things that trigger me even if they are small

And important conversations are important to me, getting left on seen especially after serious chats is a big thing for me 

But also like I don’t want to overstep bc we dont know each other too much yet so trying to limit myself a bittt 

And I like you, im pretty open and upfront and it can not be everyones cup of tea so just yeah

Ugh brains

You are wonderful please know that but I just thought maybe we should have this discussion if things are gonna keep happening ish (slowly tho please bc I am fragile egg) but yes

Sorry if this has been too many words too soon and such *high fives myself* “

All he said after was “oh okay, sometimes I just get overwhelmed or forget to answer” 

And I was like okk

Then he said sorry

And I was like its okay now I just dont really know what to say, sorry If I overstepped and then he said its okay and now we arent talking at all


Like I knew he had trauma and had a hunch he was emotionally unavailable, but I feel like I did something wrong and Im mad at myself for feeling things so intensely

I tried to communicate because its SO important to me and I want everyone to be comfy but it really backfired

I just kinda thought he’d be a bit nicer about it or like emotionally available and the jokes were just nerves but I feel silly

I really liked him and thought he was kind but he just like made me so anxious a lot bc he’d leave me on seen and didnt really do anything but make jokes, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe once I actually initiate chats itll be good

I feel like I shouldn’t of apologized for this but I did and now I feel worse cause I dont think I really did anything wrong by trying to communicate