Between the ages of 14 and 19 I regularly self harmed, I’m 23 now and haven’t cut myself for just over a year. For the past 4 years I’ve mostly remained self-harm free aside from a few extremely traumatic experiences. I have scars all over my body, my arms are covered but I have almost tattooed over all of them - something that has helped immensely with my insecurities. However, my thighs are still covered in scars. Most small, some huge and really unattractive looking. I have been trying for years to accept that this is my skin, and they are a part of me that will never fully heal. I feel disgusted by them every day. I can feel them all the time. Any time my clothes brush up against them or when my underwear rides too high up and rubs against them. I am aware of them all day everyday, as if something is crawling up my legs. My brain nags me without relief. I don’t feel that I can describe exactly how I feel about them in enough depth, but I can’t stop being fixated on them.

My self image has always been a major part of my issues, and I’ve had some experiences that have only affirmed all that I believe about myself. I have a supportive partner now though, and he says that they don’t matter to him; that he doesn’t even notice them. But they make intimacy so hard for me. I can’t be naked around him, sex is scary - being so open and vulnerable around another person. 

I don’t feel like I will ever be good enough, and all that I see in all forms of media is smooth skin, chiselled jawlines, and toned bodies. I know I can work on growing muscles or losing weight if I were to put on a few, I know I can cut my hair or get tattoos on my arms or legs to cover those scars, but this area is so intimate, and I fear that no matter what my partner says that he will look for other guys, with smoother legs and prettier faces. 

My scars aren’t my only insecurities relating to my body or my looks, but they’re definitely the most prevalent for me. 

Does anybody have similar body image issues? Does anybody have alternate perspectives? I’m really struggling in my relationship and I’m scared I’m going to ruin it (or more specifically, that my scars already have).