Not sure if this has to do with my core fear of abandonment or not. 

My mother abandoned me more times than I can count. I miss my mother, I haven’t spoken to her in seven years by choice.

My ex and I were long distance. I would see him about every two weeks. The closer we got the more heart ache I felt when he left. So much to the point I couldn’t take it anymore and broke up with him. Then I came back very shortly after breaking up with him and wanted to get back together. We only lasted two months after that and he broke up with me. I’ve had time to reflect and realize he and I had many flaws. We were so close yet so far and I’ve never had a relationship where I was so intimate emotionally with anyone. 

Its been quite a while since the relationship ended and I’m not sure I’ll find someone I loved as much as him.