
I always went through intense phases growing up where I would change my entire identity. I'd start dressing differently, redecorate my room, choose a new career goal, and even try to imitate someone else’s dialect. I would do this if I watched a movie and thought a character was cool or started hanging out with a new group of people. I could listen to a song and think ”this is my new vibe now, I’m going to curate my entire life as someone who listens to indie pop”. I always thought I would just grow out of it but I haven't. I don't make as drastic identity changes now that I'm older but it still sneaks on me in different ways. The only thing that's been constant throughout my life is writing. I started an Instagram account specifically for my work but I switch up my ”aesthetic” every other day to the point where it's become embarrassing. I constantly delete pictures and create a different theme. I feel pathetic for being like this as an adult and letting this sabotage my career. Two weeks ago I was a writer AND a graphic designer and went on this crazy rampage where I was going to start a t-shirt business with my poetry on it. It sounds dramatic but social media presence truly is important today for the industry I’m in. Not only that but it's stressful never knowing who the fuck I am. Some days I'm sick of writing and start thinking I should look into other hobbies and career paths. Other days I love it. I'm so sick of being fragmented and all over the place. It's exhausting and makes me jealous of neurotypicals who seem so whole. I don't know anyone else who does this especially with the social media and career thing.