I struggled with Depressionen and depressiv episodes since I was 15 / 16 (currently m25) but what I am going through now is the most painful experience I've ever had. But I don't know why. My life should be good and my mental health too. I have a stable relationship for over 2 and a half years. My girlfriend is beautiful, caring, loving and she makes me laugh. I recently became a first time uncle, I have a loving family, a safe job, a good (but normal) car, I always have food and something to drink, I have friends for over 20 years. I have hobbies, I'm currently making my motorcycle license and I always have my Video games. But yet I feel terrible.

Everyday is exhausting for me. I cry a lot when I'm alone and I feel miserable. Everyday things like grocery shopping or doing the dishes are impossible tasks for me. It feels like I am getting tired more and more everyday and I drown myself in my thoughts. I put on several different masks per day just so people don't notice how damaged my mental health really is. I don't want them to see me like that. I can't even see myself like that. I know the feeling of depression but this feeling just scares me and breaks my heart. Everyone around me deserves better but I can't give it to them. I am empty, tired and on the edge of my power. My light is slowly going out and all I can do is watch it slowly fade away. I am scared.