I am currently going through a really hard time, as a result of my bad repetitive actions I pushed my partner away, who is my favourite person and it's eating away at me. 

I am trying to do better now because him going away really snapped me out of that bad habit I was constantly repeating, but I'm failing miserably, it had snapped me out of it but I just feel so out of place. 

The thing is, I get these bursts of energy and I either feel like I'm really fucking happy and I just get hyped to do something, I clean, I put makeup on, I feel like there's nothing that can make me feel bad.
Or, the burst of energy just completely destroys me and I go into a full breakdown, I feel so out of control and it feels like it's not even me and I can't stop it. Then from feeling like that I somehow calm down from one second to the other, but not for long and it all just starts again. I can be cleaning, dancing around the place and the next second I'm curled up on the floor crying. 

I don't even know what to do, I get so motivated to change myself and better myself, but at the end I just don't do any of it, it's like I forget everything.