 i feel like a robot with skin. everything feels so automatic, and when it’s not, i feel like i’m in a fantasy. it’s like i go between emotionlessly drifting through the material physical world, just barely meeting what’s required of me and being almost euphoric in a dreamworld. i drift off into the dream world for days and weeks or even months. neither dream world or physical material world ever feels real though. i feel like i’m just running on a motor and my mind is a factory that produces these intense emotions and feelings that compel me to act inwardly. i suppress these emotions from other people because i’m so ashamed of them, so i instead direct them inwards towards myself. if i’m a machine, i’m most certainly a very reactive one. the smallest things trigger me, and my sensitivity is probably the motor behind all this. so i get burnt out a lot too because i’m so sensitive and empathetic. i often feel like i care too much, but i can’t help it. i love the world; i love people, but i don’t think people reciprocate. i dissociate like a motherfucker and become numb or apathetic as a way to cope. i feel like i can even turn on a switch for a short while to make myself dissociate when i know a stressful situation is going to happen / is currently happening. sometimes it’s also like i have to remind myself i am alive. i am not sure where this is going,, i am pretty sure i have undiagnosed adhd so this is just a messy blurb with no specific point. i am not sure if anybody else feels like this. i am also on medication for bipolar, so this could b a bipolar thing..