I really didn't know where else I could write this but it's more of a vent if anything. I(20M) have always been the class clown or comic relief in every social circle and it had always made me happy making and seeing people laugh but I don't know, at this point it feels like every conversation devolves into a bad SNL monologue, people still laugh but I don't anymore. After I come back home I just sit in silence and it bothers me more than it used to, the lack of any meaningful connections or relationships, the same running jokes and banter. 

And even beyond that it feels like everyone's trying to be funny these days, I just feel like I don't know who I am beyond this. I can put on a good show but I don't know if I am interesting beyond that. I just feel empty by myself. 

I guess I just wish I had a friend with whom I didn't have to be funny all the time.