I'll try to keep this as short and simple as possible.

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We met 4 years ago. It was this instant, passionate love. We moved in together quickly. Things were amazing for a while. Eventually she proposed to me about a year ago. We began planning our wedding. It's to happen in October. Everything is paid for and set-up. I thought I had found my forever. I really believed she understood me and saw me and wanted to love all of the good AND bad parts of me.

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About 6 months ago she started growing distant. When I confronted her, she explained that she is growing tired of our lack of sex life (I struggle with sex because I hate vulnerability, have sexual trauma in my past, and dissociate often at night). I took tons of steps to get my libido back. I started doing real hard work in therapy. I got a blood test, found out I have hypothyroidism and went on meds for it. I went to a psychiatrist and started taking depression and anxiety meds.

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I have been doing so much better lately. I've been more affectionate, more motivated, more stable than I ever have. But I still feel a distance between us. She spends a lot of nights away. For the past few days she's wanted nothing to do with me and won't reciprocate my affection. She told me that she feels distant between us and she thinks maybe it's because she's not used to me being this stable, happy, or affectionate and it's throwing her off. I'm so confused cause isn't this what she wanted? Did I wait too long? Is it too far gone?

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At this point I'm fearing the worst. I think she might end things before the wedding. I'm trying to keep a stable head about this. If she really doesn't want to be with me, I don't want to force her to stay but I can't stand the thought of not being with her. I really love her. I don't want to let go of all of the dreams I have for us.

I'm trying to prepare myself for this but I don't think I can. I don't want to go off the deep end if this ends. I don't know how to gather my thoughts or handle this properly. I feel like my meds are making me have more stable thoughts about this than I normally would have but it's still an earth shattering feeling that's leaving me feeling lost and confused and abandoned. I want her to stay but if she doesn't stay... I don't know how I'm going to handle this or what to do.