I'm posting here in a bit of an attempt to see if anyone can relate. 

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Most of my twenties I've worked freelance jobs. When I was younger I worked freelance in conjunction with having part-time or casual jobs to keep my income steady. Over the last 4-5 years my mental health got progressively worse and I wasn't able to keep down a 'normal' job. So I've now tried to freelance on and off as more of a need rather than a want. 

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In saying that, I'm one of those people that's COMPLETELY obsessed with the arts. I could drink it up all day and have put my hand into my different industries (photography, illustration, painting, design, other arts).   


Whenever I've spent time committing to a certain style or goal, it's always come with a good response and a little bit of paid work. But my lack of identity/the fact I feel so lost all of the time gets in the way of me committing myself 100% to an art style.   


This might seem like a not very important question, but it is my livelihood and I struggle to make ends meet because of my work situation. It's also important for me because I want to feel like I have a purpose, that people know they can hire me for a distinguished style of work, and I want to build a reputation for my work benefit and I want to throw my whole heart into my work like I used to many years ago.   


I'm lucky (?) in the sense I don't have a mortgage or kids so this is the time for me to find what I love and throw myself at it. My problem is that I love EVERY style, get extremely fixated on certain artist's and their style, and I feel so uncertain at times that I can't even work because it's completely overwhelming.   


Please tell me someone has gone through something similar or can relate. I know lots of creatives struggle with honing in their 'style' but I feel like my BPD gets in the way even more to the point i'm paralysed with self doubt and feel physically sick (not to mention, i'm not building a career and not making money to pay my bills).  


Would love to hear stories of others. Thanks D:   


PS/Note: I forgot to mention, I go on full creative targets online (change my instagram handle, change my website, impulsively buy website domains for new projects that never happen because I 'get over them' so it's affecting me in many ways.