I'm just so tired all the time. Having OCD doesn't help. Even when I have the energy to do something like play a game, I realise I have to clean my console and I don't have the energy to battle my OCD anymore. 

I barely eat anymore. I used to put effort into making myself tasty and healthy food, but now I can't. I just grab shitty food I can stick in the microwave. If I even have the energy to prep that. 

I'm supposed to be getting treatment but god knows when I'll be able to get it, I've been put on a waiting list. 

I can't even talk to my friends about it because they will worry, and I would feel guilty. 

It really sucks. I don't even have my own personal space so I can't cry or lay in bed. I have to stay up and pretend I'm fine. Even then my family can see through it, but they make it even worse by touching me and getting in my face and breathing on me. 

I dunno. My OCD and other issues always become too much every few months. It gets really bad. Unbearable sometimes. 

OCD has ruined my life. I lose sleep. I've lost being able to practice my religion. I've lost friends (linked to religion, we used to practice together). I've lost personal objects because family members touch them and I'm too tired to constantly clean them. I mean, I can't even do schoolwork I need half the time because its 'contaminated' or it mentions something surrounding religion. 

And I have to deal with this shit for like, my entire life maybe??? I have a webinar I'm going to join tomorrow that teaches about OCD and how to live with it, but honestly thats if I remember and if I'm confident enough to join. 

My memory is poor, I'm shit at social situations, I honestly get so exhausted and overwhelmed easily. Living is just so hard. I'm gonna keep pushing through but, I just wish I could catch a break every so often. Like, going to sleep without blasting music to try and ignore my thoughts, or to share a fork with someone, or to even let someone play on my phone without cleaning it as soon as I can. Just the little things.