i’ve been feeling like this for so long i cant remember what it’s like to not have thoughts of self harm and suicide constantly swimming around my mind. 

it seems like no matter how good im doing for however long i end up right back here crying in the shower relapsing. 

i don’t like to tell my friends when i get worse because they don’t deserve me becoming even more of a burden than i already am. i need to find a new therapist but it’s hard to start honestly with a therapist and tell them what’s truly going on in my head and also convince them that i’m not a danger to myself. sorry for rambling, i’m just tired of being like this