Somebody advice please. My story is somebody suggested I was BPD 3 years ago after a relationship break down kinda sent me into mental mode. 

Given recent behaviour it has been suggested to me again that I am BPD/suffering from PTSD. 

I hate labels, but my main instrusive thoughts concern this one act of semi cheating really. 

Sometimes still feels like it happened yesterday.  By all logic I have no leg to stand on. 


It's been over 3 years- I have obsessed, sent vicious messages to her, amidst swings. 

I'm still not sure whether I'm BPD or whether this is PTSD. 

How can I finally let this nonsense go? 

I say I believe in the law of attraction cause having witnessed many a thing attracted to me i simply can't ignore. 

The story I have told probably 10k times and thought about even more 😥 

Intense romance while traveling, very intense. Treated her damn well. 6 weeks very intense. She kissed someone as a joke. Felt it was time to leave and didn't make a big deal out of it. Hurt like a mofo. Was very intense. Flew home. She was crying her eyes out. 

She said she missed me and told me to go NC. Which I was happy to do, after 

I saw her tagged in a post with a dude 3 days later and my thoughts went mental, I messaged her and she pleaded with me to meet her in London. I was a gambling mess, she booked her flight with slight encouragement. 

In 5 weeks that followed she almost certainly slept with someone who would become her boyfriend. 

After the kiss business. Nothing was ever discussed in the gap, were we in a relationship? Never discussed. 

 I met her in London out of obligation and to get laid. 

She asked whether I'd been with someone with a hurt look on her face, I said no putting it down to not going out. She said "what about me?"

The lie/evil look on her face (kills, why it makes no sense?) followed by a denial at my hurt and anger. Absolute tortuous pain. Why? It wasn't like I was interested. 

I reassembled my thoughts and felt even if she is lying I'm here to keep my obligation and get laid and I proceeded to show her good weekend. I treated her damn well again. She asked to discuss us but I was no longer interested in a long term thing after the kiss incident. She returned home. She asked on 3 occasions but I declined to discuss as I wasn't interested. 

After this we continued to talk on Facebook and I sensed she was screwing someone/had lied, and along with my gambling issue it was tortuous talking to her but I couldn't let go. This was early 2015. Absolute hell but I couldn't tell her/confront her 😥😥 I'd played the whole thing down....

She said he was now her boyfriend mid 2015 (I couldn't help but ask, the torture was too much) and it killed, but more so the casual sex part (still never 100% admitted the lie). I actually couldn't care less he became her boyfriend. 

I insulted her, unfriended her and subsequently she blocked me. 

The subsequent 3 years she has on and off been in my thoughts. In anger fits I have called her vicious names, obsessing a bit, asking for money I spent on her back, closure. Depends on mood. 

She will be absolutely baffled since I played the whole thing down throughout. 

I have also got revenge where I have ruined her reputation.....

Any insights opinions on this? I am BPD right? Or was it her? What is normal?

Hate labels they achieve nothing....but I'm not sure how much longer I can go on. 

I've tried hundreds of things to resolve this. Nothing works. Three f in years. 

