You know how you constantly look for evidence that nobody really cares and anytime anybody does anything that might suggest they’re mad at you or don’t want you around you spiral and think about how nobody really likes you and suddenly you’re living in this other reality where everyone who is your “friend” has an agenda and doesn’t like you?

I’m in this headspace and I challenged that and was like no, people care, people like having you around, here is xyz as proof.

Then I realized, I’m not living in a reality where nobody cares about me or never will, I’m in a reality where no matter what I will never genuinely be able to feel that care and security from other people, and fuck, isn’t that worse? 


It doesn’t matter how loud people yell they love you when you live inside a sound proof box