I recognize a lot of qBPD tendencies in myself and I really need some professional help before I fuck up my life in ways that can’t be undone, but I’m very scared of the stigma of a BPD diagnosis. It sounds like it will have far-reaching consequences, even if I don’t tell family and friends, because having it as part of your medical record will affect the quality of medical care you receive and will expose you to a lot of cruelty and dismissiveness from doctors and therapists every time you seek help in the future. These can have life-or-death consequences, and it’s not something I can take lightly.

I have gotten therapy but I am always very guarded about what information I share because while I want help with the specific problems that motivated me to get therapy, I am very scared of letting on how far-reaching my problems actually are.

I am also worried about the possible professional consequences of having this as part of my medical record. I am about to begin medical school and I eventually want to work in a field which 1) requires a lot of background checks, and 2) allows my colleagues and superiors to have easy access to my medical records, even if it’s illegal—HIPAA violations are extremely common and the idea of any real privacy, or consequences for violating that privacy—is a joke. 

Thus, I am very cautious about actually seeking professional help even though I desperately need it, so I‘m at an impasse. 

I would appreciate any advice from people who have been through this, because maybe there are even more potential negative consequences to diagnosis that I’m not aware of. I would also appreciate any advice about good alternatives to seeing a therapist. What else can I do? 

I know that support groups and forums like Reddit can be helpful, but I find that people have enough of their own problems that it’s hard to actually get much help. Ironically, the nature of the disorder actually exacerbates this because every time I have tried going to a support group, I have minimized my own problems and focused all of my energy on trying to help others, and left feeling emotionally drained and worse off than when I started. Then again, I also struggle with therapy because I tend to minimize my problems there as well because I am so ashamed. I don’t really know what to do. 

I also can’t open up to family and friends about this, because while I am close to them in some ways, sharing these struggles with people can be incredibly dangerous and there is honestly nobody I trust not to use it against me later. They are great people and I’m lucky to have a good support system overall, but they are not equipped to understand or help me with this.

I know that the standard line is to always prioritize your health and seek the care you need, but I also know that being subject to medical abuse and having doors closed in my face when I apply for jobs will also be detrimental to my mental health, so I want to approach this with my eyes open. I don’t see a clear path ahead of me.

Tl;dr Have you experienced any consequences to having an official diagnosis? Are there any considerations I’m missing here? Are you happy that you sought professional help, or chose not to? Did your choice harm you, and if you had it to do over again, would you? And, if you feel comfortable giving advice, what should I do?