I wasn't really out in a year. It started with covid and me having really stressful job. There was nowhere to go and I was overworked to go anywhere. Then one "friend" betrayed me and since that time I just can't go out anymore.

I want to text someone to just go to pub, or to go for lunch, anything. But I can't. I'm afraid, that they will be on that "friend's" side, even if I know, that everyone hates him, because he's literally psychopath, who manipulated his ex-girlfriend. Still I'm afraid. I don't know what he said to his ex-girlfriend and she is gossiping me since I've met her. So I really don't know what everyone knows and I'm afraid, that I'll need to tell them, it's not true. And they won't believe me. It's not about friends, it's about subculture I'm in. And it's just too connected for my introverted ass.

Plus if I manage to see someone, first sentence is "OMG, you're so skinny. You should eat something."...yeah...fuck you and your eyebrows, please don't remind me, how stupid I am for not being able to eat.

How do you go out? I don't know how to do it. I lost that skill throughout the year and I don't know how to learn it again. Do you have any tricks how to overcome that fucking anxiety?