For so many years I have worked my ass off for a chance to go to my dream school, but I’m realizing it won’t be enough. Another girl in my grade and I did early decision, so the decisions haven’t come back yet, but I’ve already run the calculations. She’s going to get in instead of me. She’s a wonderful person too, so it hurts so much because I just can’t bring myself to ever wish any bad on her, but it means I have so much anger, jealousy, and sadness all bottled up. I have worked just as hard as she has, but I feel like I worked hard at the wrong things which is why they’ll accept her over me. I’m just having a really hard time dealing with the fact that they’re going to say she’s better than me even though we both worked really hard to get where we are. 

I literally can’t go through this. I know the decision hasn’t come out yet but you guys have to believe me when I say I see the writing on the wall. I seriously can’t handle having my dream school tell me I’m not as good as she is. Every day I feel like I’m on the verge of breaking down, and it’s been like this for a month. All my motivation to do anything is gone because I feel like it doesn’t matter. I put in all the work, stress, and sacrifice in the world but I’m still less than she is. I just don’t get why she’s getting everything I’ve always wanted even though we’ve both struggled and worked. 

I want to tell her so badly so that I can make peace with the fact she’s going to beat me, but she doesn’t know I EDed to the same school and I refuse to put her through the misery of knowing you have to compete with a friend.