I'm not even sure this is BPD related or if it's a me thing, but I just need to vent. 
Okay. So I have this friend and I think I love her. I don't know. I'd do anything for her and I tell her everything, but she doesn't know about this, thankfully. But I feel so incredibly guilty for having feelings for her. There's this amazing friend, who supports me, helps me and just makes me happy and I go develop feelings for her!? No. I don't want that, I want her as a friend and nothing more, because she's in a relationship with her soulmate and I don't even think she's into women, besides the fact that I'm totally out of her league. But here comes the thing, that I think might be bpd related: I feel so guilty, angry and self hatred because I like her. I think it's some internalized homophobia in the mix, but it's just so frustrating. And I want to stop having feelings for her. I feel disgusted with myself, like I'm a predator or something. And I don't know if this extreme self loathing is something that could be amped by bpd? I just got diagnosed and nobody really helps me with this stuff...
Nobody has to actually reply to this, but I needed to tell someone.