I am currently feeling very lost and don’t know how to live like this I know I can get better and that I can improve the symptoms but I know they will never actually fully go away and that scares the shit out of me because currently living feels like suffering and I don’t want to just suffer through life till I die of old age I want to live a normal life feel normal not obsessed with someone not constantly pushing people away and ruining relationships because I’m to scared of getting hurt by them I am currently at the point where I don’t want to let anyone close to me because if I end up with another favorite person I will have a full breakdown I can’t risk that relationship being ruined I can’t risk being hurt like that again I’ve lost 4 favorite people In The matter of 3 months I feel like there is no end in sight and that I will just keep suffering like this forever I’m so scared of all of this and scared of myself I’ve been relapsing on self harm and don’t know if I can stop or even want to stop I’ve totally prepared to unexist myself if that’s what it takes to stop this never ending spiral of being so happy that I forget what it likes to be sad or the opposite being so sad I can’t imagine what it’s like to be happy. I would love some advice on how to stop feeling so helpless to my disorders and feel like myself again, whoever that is