My sadness literally comes in waves and is a constant feeling of pain/heartache that I can’t shake. When a wave of sadness comes feel like I can’t swallow and my eyes just randomly fill up with tears. I have a good life; a life that many people would be happy to have and that kills me even more. I have a loving family, friends, a career, a husband who adores me. I just can’t shake the feeling that life literally sucks, it is just one challenge after another, filled with tasks and obligations. I have to work so hard to pay for things I don’t give a single shit about. Hair appointments, car payment, clothes to look nice at events I don’t even want to go to. 

I just want to sleep all the time to avoid life. I can’t afford therapy with my huge student loans. I’m scared that medication will make me feel crazier than I already do. My doctor is also extremely condescending and tells me to journal. I honestly don’t know how much more I can take.