For about 3 years and a half, my days have been exactly the same. To the point where I can't even tell which day of the week it is, they just bleed into each other.

I wake up in a house that has brought me a lot of pain, with family members that brought me a lot of pain. To do the exact same things. House work, and distract myself until it comes time to sleep. And repeat the next day. 

I have been on auto pilot. And any attempts to get out of this mode, have failed. I'm 24 years old... I don't have a job (Not for lack of trying). I'm not smart enough to get into College (Tried many times). And I don't want to be alive. It is brutally difficult to try to improve your life, when you don't even care about it in the first place. You just want to die. 

I want to live a peaceful and quiet life (Cliche, I know...). Away from the people I have to call my family. Away from this house. But this life just seems so far away from me, that death is the more desirable way, if that makes any sense... Even though I know I wouldn't be capable of ending my life. 

I'm just tired...