I have histories about trusting wrecked for years, caused by basic trust in family (never trust father because he's kind of a person who lies to tell me many things and his responsibilities which there were 90% that he never do what he told me, like vows, promises, so I felt he's a big hypocrite and a liar because he told me hope and things but he never do it, / mom, gaslighting habit and always twist my words when it came to problems), and untrustworthy relationships with being cheated several times and always caught them up accidentally and probably sure that is tue fact I discovered or observed. And generally caught people told me lies (knowing they're lying) so in years since teenage life until 27 now, I've been formed into a person who rarely to trust and paranoid.

But I discovered some way to be positive in past 2 years ago by having kind of trustful relationships even sometimes I got triggered and got back to my cycle sometimes and on / off feeling secure, insecure. So I can't barely say I'm recovering 100% but I'm on processing. 

Now I'm starting a relationship with somebody with Complex PTSD which both of us have lots of things to fix ourselves for healthy relationships from both sides and with this guy, I've been knowing for almost 8 months , from the start I'd been on and off on being in risk at trusting issues my own self because I was paranoid and afraid to catch up myself being in a game of triangle relationships with ME/HER/HIM because it happened to me like that for 5 times 3 years ago when I found myself being a homewrecker or secret another lover/sex and I've been triggered by this for years but since I got to know with a new guy more, I start to relief and learning to be able to trust again because he made me more secure and he seemed determined. Which I haven't found this kind of person for years but of course sometime I felt down with triggers but I started to trust him more and more, not big % or completely but little by little and I felt great that I'm able to trust again after the wrecks.

Nowadays, I found my new ability to aware of myself and self communication inside so I rarely to feel triggered but when it happens some day, my brain and voice in my head start to tell me "I trust him in general but today I feel like my trusting scale is going down below" then when my red sign in my head start to talk to me then that day I feel very paranoid and easily to be triggered and when it happens I don't like it. I hate it because I would be very no good and will make him bother. And this is very unhealthy for evey relationships. And I want this to be good because he's a very very nice guy (with scars) and I don't want to break his trust on me too and I absolutely want to have a good strong relationship with him and maybe could lead to better future together 

My questions are :

1. Is anybody here has same issue as me and how do you relief and deal with it?

2. When it happens and you know your mind will make up lots of things in your head and you know it's far away and opposite from reality where that person with you has nothing to hide and they're normal and good for you. How do you manage your negative thoughts and when you feel paranoid?

3. How to make your significant other knows that you're trusting them but you just have a down say and scared about it by not hurting their feelings?

I do love him but my trusting issues from history made me scared to trust because my trust has been destroyed by people several times for years.

Thank you. 