(long post) (TW sickness,vomiting)This phobia started when I was around 12 and I heard a story of a woman who got food poisoning from potato salad or something from Costco. She ended up being in the hospital for over a week and nearly dying. And even without having to go to the hospital, it sounds like the most horrific sickness. Extreme stomach pain and sickness, vomiting and diarrhea all terrific much  more than other types of being hurt/sick. I would rather break my arm than then have food poisoning. I’ve never gotten really sick from food, just stuff that didn’t agree with me. 

   The fear went away for a while, but if kind of resurfaced recently, probably because I listened to a podcast and they started talking about how sick they all got from fast food pizza. 

   I cook for myself mostly, but that seems to make the fear a lot worse. I used to have no fear about what I ate, but now I have to sniff everything to make sure it isn’t sour. Am I sure that this sandwich meat isn’t old? Am I sure that this lettuce doesn’t have E.coli in it. (I love Taco Bell  but cross my heart I will never step foot into a Chipotle in my life. Like over 100 people got actual food poisoning from that place why the fuck do people go there )  

Last night and this morning I used salad greens that were wilty and kinda wet. “Prewashed” but I still rinsed them. I ate a sandwich with the greens and meat that I sniffed and tasted to make sure it was safe. But as soon as my stomach gurgled/started settling, it’s like a switch flips in my brain and I start thinking “oh god this is it. Its gonna hurt so so bad. I have e. Coli. Oh god the meat /was/ pff. What if I I have to go to the hospital??” I started panting and my hands get clammy. Last night, I forced myself to vomit and kept hyperventilating. Every little feeling I had in my stomach was a sure sign that something I ate was bad. 
    I calmed down and thought “oh wait it’s not that bad.” But even hours later, if I have any kind of pain in my stomach I get freaked out again. (I really screwed myself over once I read online that it can hit you up to 15 hours later.) I’m in the bathroom now and my stomach is hurting again. I ate breakfast about 2 hours ago. Trying not to cry. I’m so terrified of the pain that could be coming.

TLDR. How do I prevent myself from getting sick? What can I do to reassure myself that I won’t be sick now or later? I don’t want to live my life this way. Any help is appreciated.