Does anyone else absolutely fixate on their body, their weight, and make that the cornerstone of their own self worth? I worked so hard to lose about 30lbs this past year and I gained about half back, and I absolutely can’t stand it. I feel like my life is falling apart. I want to just collapse in a puddle of sorrow and alcohol, and benzos, and pretend that I’m somebody else entirely. I’m so sick of being FAT. I’ve had 3 kids in roughly 4 years, and I don’t even recognize my body anymore. I don’t want to leave my house, and I don’t want anyone seeing me but my husband and my children. I feel gross, and I’m so absolutely exhausted with feeling this way. I have friends that used to be bigger than me that had bariatric surgery and now they are smaller than me, and I’m still riding this up and down rollercoaster with weight—I’m absolutely over it. I hate how much this diminishes my self worth. Can anyone else relate? I’m struggling hard and I don’t even now if this if part of my BPD, or if it’s part of one of my other diagnoses.