So I’m currently in a mental hospital and have been since 6th February. I was on section 2 of the mental health act 1983 but my section ended and they decided to place me on informal but I’ve still got a long way to go before I go back out into the community. I don’t know how I feel but I feel as nothings changed. The reason why I ended up in hospital is because I locked myself in the bathroom with a knife. Little did I know my boyfriend called the police, I was self harming and then I was going to stab my self multiple times in the stomach but as soon as I was about to, the police invaded my home and unlocked the bathroom and they tasered and handcuffed me to the ground. I still cry every night, My tablets don’t make me sleep through the night anymore, I get anxiety attacks pretty much over everything, I have terrible nightmares about death of my loved ones, me dying, me falling and jumping out my sleep etc. I just don’t know what to do. When they hospital has ward round I explain everything to them and it’s like they’re not listening to me which makes me feel worse. All my friends have basically left me to suffer alone as they don’t believe I have mental health and that i do everything on purpose. My closest friend is pregnant and I was meant to be godmother and she took it off me due to my mental after everytime I done for them. I even planned their baby shower and I had no acknowledgement or credit. Now she doesn’t speak to me. My only support is my boyfriend and my dad and step mom. Nobody checks up on me anymore and I do get upset but I’m lucky my boyfriend never turned his back on me and our relationship has been the best since I’ve been going through this. I just feel lonely sometimes if my boyfriend can’t visit and It really affects how I am that day and today is one of those days. I just wish I had a friend that will never turn their back on me despite my bad anxiety and depression and also having borderline personality disorder. I really don’t know the purpose for this post but yeah.. 