i feel so bored and useless all day and i have so many ideas and things i want to do and to explore and i’m in a time of my life where i should be living to the biggest extent possible as i barely have any other responsibilities and i’m young. 

i find it so hard to just leave my house sometimes i think because i just hate interacting with other people or feeling judged i think. it’s weird because in a social setting i’m actually a very friendly person and want to talk to new people but i don’t know if i’ve just changed lately or if I just get in moods where i just really don’t want to talk or if i just only wanna talk to my friends and not to random strangers. i think this could also be a confidence issue? or like being insecure so getting anxiety when people see me? but then again i’m not sure because i’m just really not that insecure like i am but i’m not embarrassed of myself to go in public i think i just hate feeling people looking at me? i really don’t know i can’t figure out what’s causing me to feel like this.

well whatever is causing this feeling of not wanting to leave my house or not wanting to be in public is limiting my life so much. i barely leave my house unless i have to or have a plan with friends. but i really really don’t wanna be this type of person! i hate it. i feel lazy but i know i’m not lazy and i know it’s just me being scared that’s stopping me from living a real life but i just don’t know how to change it. I plan the things I have to do in a day around the fact that I don’t wanna see people like I’ll go on a run at night instead of when I actually want to and most of the time since I make myself wait until night time I don’t feel like going anymore so I’m just getting so unactive and gross. 

i also just feel the person i am calling me and I can’t be her because of this fucking feeling! I hate being indoors I hate being in bed all day doing nothing and I just wanna go out and be in nature. I know it’s like if I want this so bad then I should just do it like if you want it just do it ??? but I just can’t in the end I don’t know how

i also smoke a lot of weed I don’t know if this affects anything but thought i’d say it incase it does. It definitely doesn’t make me feel less anxious to go out. But also I really don’t know if the feeling I feel is anxiety? I just feel so Ugh abt it. I don’t know another word. like this might also stem from a place that I just kinda hate humans? I hate interacting with majority of humans. I also find it a chore to think about what to wear? So maybe I care about the way I look too much? Sorry for saying so many random different reasons I’m just so sick of this feeling so thought I’d just say everything. 

My car recently broke down so I also lost my job so that could also contribute to me being at home all day. But I feel like even when I did have a car I still didn’t use it or live life to the fullest possible so even if I get another car it’s not gonna fix anything but I think in my head I’m like oh I just need a car and I’ll be fine. but I also know that’s not true but I feel like I make myself think that sometimes bc I don’t wanna feel like there’s clearly something wrong with my mindset. 

anyway I really don’t know! I’ll try anything if anyone has any experiences similar or how you got out of this feeling or any advice at all is welcome!!! 
thank you so much for reading this all. 💖💖💖