I am from a very strict family. My parents have said that if any of their children leave their religion or even date outside of the culture, then they will get disowned. As a secret atheist, this has caused me to constantly be sad or anxious as I feel like I can't live up to their standards. I moved to a college 500+ miles from home around 3 years ago, and for the large majority of today, I was shaking and crying that they will never talk to me again. They barely text or call me which makes me feel paranoid that even my own family have ghosted me. Sometimes, I wonder if I should just tell them that I'm going to starve myself if they stop talking to me which I know isn't a good idea.

My mom has BPD also, but almost never talks to me which hurts so bad. Sometimes, I will just stalk through their social media and start crying that my life with them won't last/has already ended. I just feel a lot of pain and needed to vent it out. Also, I'm sorry if this post is all over the place-it's hard for me to properly word my feelings.