Hmm, I don't really know guys. I'm... tired. I wish someone would come to me and say that... I don't have to fight anymore. And struggle and care and try. Again and again. That it's the end of everything. That all there is now, is peace and quiet. That I don't have to think. That I don't have to eat. And get up. And learn and work and plan for the future. And get better. That I don't have to try and be there for others. That they let me go. That I don't have to work anymore and go to college anymore and plan my career. That I don't have to be anymore. When I think about it I feel relief. 

I won't kill myself. I know I won't. I think about it but I know I won't. I just won't. ("won't" sounds weird now I'm sorry lmao)

I won't leave my family and friend and I don't want to give them this pain. 

I don't really feel anything. No hope, nothing. Hmmmmm. I want to give all my things away. And to disappear. To go to sleep.