My boyfriend (now ex) and I have been dating for almost 2 years. I am very extroverted and physical/emotional intimacy is my love language. He is extremely introverted, and enjoys being completely alone. 

There have been ups and downs. We broke up once at the beginning of the relationship, as he said he wanted to be alone because he was lost in his career, etc. I was heartbroken, but accepted that it wasn’t meant to be.

He returned about 5 weeks later a new man, with a new haircut, expressing how much he loved me, etc. Through work and communication, we finally got to stronger points in the relationship. The biggest struggles were how much he enjoyed alone time, isolation, and showing signs of depression (along with heavy drinking when the depression was hitting hard).

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago- I could feel him pulling away and becoming distant. He lost his job and was trying to find his way in a new one, and also hates the holidays from childhood trauma. I was stressed, and feeling anxious by his pulling away. He continued to reassure me that we were okay, and he was having a hard time with the career.

One night we had an explosive fight where I was extremely emotional because he wasn’t seeming to care that he had upset me. Finally, he snapped and said he wanted a few days of alone time to think about stuff. I broke up with him and left the apartment.

Two days later, I apologized for my behavior, and explained how much I love him and can’t imagine him without him in my life. All he responded was “I told you I wanted to spend some time alone”. In my head, this meant a few days. 

Today, 3 weeks after that initial fight and no communication, I texted him and told him I needed to get my shit from his apartment. I went over to talk. 

It felt like I was talking to an absolute complete stranger. He was not shaved, he was a disheveled mess drinking in the middle of the day. 

I was crying, and he said he could not put any effort into a relationship. He said he is so unhappy with himself and his career, that he can’t give me what I need in a relationship. He said he loves me, and knows he will never find someone like me again. 

I asked him over and over “are you at peace with never having me in your life again?”- to which he did not respond yes or no, only that he wanted to be alone.

I have known this man struggles with depression, and I imagine this is a pattern similar to our first break up (depressed, breaks up with me, spirals, gets better and returns singing love songs).

I guess I just have a hard time separating that he loves me and the depression and chemical imbalance. 3 months ago, I truly felt like he would have done anything for me. Today I felt like a used tissue. Me leaving or not being in his life suddenly meant absolutely nothing to him.

Am I to take this personal? Does this person truly not love and value me? We were about to sign an apartment lease together. Is this the depression pushing me out of his life? How do I heal from this without feeling like our relationship means nothing to him?