Out of the 2 friends I have and the 6 total I’ve talked to( cut off the others for separate reasons) im the only person interested in relationships.(or anyone really)It’s so alienating, especially since I used to think i was aro/ace  before the first ( and only to this point) crush.

It’s made my depression worse somehow, and i feel so disconnected from everything. There’s no one to really talk to about this stuff, or anyone to share experiences with. Nobody who understands my loneliness or want to be with someone cause, “ you should be happy in your own company “ and all that crap. 

Not to mention the confusion of only liking one person, and still being interested 4 years later. It makes me feel disgusting. When i shower i come out red from scrubbing, cause i feel so unbelievably dirty in my own skin. 

Not even my meds are helping with the thoughts anymore.  I know it’s not their fault, they try their best to be supportive. But sometimes it’s just difficult to just be. 

It makes me wonder if it’s even worth it anymore