I'm kinda new to this sub, but i've had anxiety since forever ago. It just was a lot more manageable before. I kind of need some advice, because it turns out I can't win no matter what. (This ended up being longer than I thought, but still not everything I wanted to say)

To give a bit of background, I've always struggled socially -  I'll just shut down and not talk, often retreating into my own thoughts and fantasies as a way of escaping. I never really liked to go outside either, but so long as I was at school/uni I was at least going out sometimes. With Covid lockdowns, I found myself in a constant state of anxiety at the thought of having to go outside once lockdowns started easing. I'm on Universal Credit too, which is basically an unemployment benefit in the UK. On it, I basically have no right to say no to anything they want me to do - interviews, training, going to see my work coach. I started on it during lockdown, and only really had to deal with a couple of phone calls a month + a crippling fear that at any moment they might decide i'm not doing enough and take away the tiny bit of money I get a month. I was on it for a year as my anxiety just got worse and worse. I'd have panic attacks looking for jobs. If I did get an interview, I'd cry every day before it and then retreat to my bed and pray for a rejection. Getting rejections didn't help, because i'm 26 and really could do with getting a job but the fear is just paralysing. I tried to do this for a year, I pretended everything was okay, I wanted to be well. But I wasn't. I want to work, I want a job. I just know I wouldn't be any good to anyone the way I am. Chances are I would end up dodging work and getting fired anyway - everything is just too overwhelming for me right now.

So I got in contact with my doctor after my mum basically forced me because I was saying "scary things" and she was worried. About the only thing that beat my anxiety at this point was the thought of causing yet more stress for my poor mum who never seems to get a chance to rest. Anyway, this month I was given a fit note as my doctor doesn't believe that I am fit to work with my anxiety being the way it is currently. I thought that might give me peace of mind since so long as UC doesn't decide that i'm okay enough to work (which they can, even if my doctor says i'm not), I can focus on recovering and learning new coping strategies. Except now I just feel like a burden. To my parents, to the British taxpayer, to my friends. Especially to myself. I'm just stuck. I never leave my house unless my mum is with me, and even then I can just about manage a trip to the shop. Then when I get in I immediately retreat to my room. I felt like a failure when I was pretending to be okay, and even worse a failure now I can't even pretend to be okay. It's more just laid bare my feeling of failing and being stuck. For months I haven't been able to force myself to do anything- my work searches, which are supposed to take 5 hours a day, take all my waking hours because I constantly have to stop and start. I can't do anything else. If this goes on for a long time, then it will be harder to get a job. Who's going to want someone who is close to 30 who has never worked a day in her life? I went to uni because they said that was the best thing to do, but i'm still stuck. I even ended up going to uni later than I should because I spent 4 years doing a 2 year college course because of anxiety and depression. It's like it controls everything about me and I can't win!

tl;dr I was suffering a lot with anxiety while looking for work, but being found not fit to work has just made me suffer in a completely different way and I don't know what to do about it. Looking for coping mechanisms/advice/reality check or whatever else you might have to help me. I just don't want to feel like a failure anymore.