I'm 17 and last year during school I was great everything was amazing. However, I started dating this girl trinity and everything was good but I messed it up by saying something to my friend and then he started spreading what I said and then she dumped me, which I absolutely deserved and I know I messed up. Ever since we broke up I've been empty and I only enjoy sleeping, I still go to school, work, and I smile and everything but I suffer in silence. I only think about how I messed up everything and I can't shake the empty feeling like everything is just meh. I don't enjoy talking to my friends as much as I did and now trinity wants to be friends and we broke up in July. I told her yes even though I'm probably going to end up hurting again. It's like yeah I know I probably shouldn't be friends right now but hell I'm okay with putting myself through that pain. I have a therapist but I can't talk to her until September and I'm just coasting through everything, I've also had thoughts of suicide but ones I would never act on. I was driving home and I just thought about me going full speed into a tree. I tell myself not to think like that but it's just there.