Trigger Warning
I remember I used to have very very very aggressive thoughts in my episodes ,I remember thinking I used to mutilated,people should just kill me with a knife ,my thumb finger of me leg should be cut down,I should be taken advantage of,I deserve all the bad things in the world ,I should just pickup garbage .I used to talk to myself so much that I had used to have a head ache.i talked to a guy on call I met on hinge and I am not really used to talking to people on call ,but I did talk to him and out of anxiety I had a manic episode.it was just so embarassing I couldn't stop crying over it,we lost touch ofc,I am pretty he wouldn't be able to find out that I had an episode and probably thinks I'm a creep.gosh I hate myself