On my date, I kissed this man, as if I loved him more than anything else in the world.  I gave him all my tenderness, all my love.  It felt so good in the moment, I forgot my pain.  I really did love him, in the moment, even though we had nothing in common, even though I knew he didn't know me, we'd just met, and he'd never understand me, nor I him.  He said I'm the sweetest and cutest girl he's ever met.  And he's not the first guy who has said that to me.

And...  I just want to kill myself for the emptiness I feel after.  The guy stays attached, after I'm gone.  When I don't even know what a fucking bond means :\(

I'm so desperate to attach.  To feel what they feel, for me.  How can someone say I'm sweet, when I'm so barren inside?

I need someone.  

But how?  

I don't deserve these people who.......... cherish me \(why???\) when I...  can't even........... attach :\(