I’ve never been able to have a stable life. The only good thing i had was my boyfriend and he left me two days ago. I went into a deep depression and i quit my job like i do after a few months at every job. I put us in a bad financial spot and he doesn’t understand my disorder and hasn’t tried to for a very long time. I’m so suicidal but i want a quick end and i have no access to a gun. I feel like I’m stuck being alive and being in pain. I still live with him and we’re moving into his parents cause of our finances. I have to move with them cause i literally have no one else in my life. No friends no family and i feel like a burden on everyone. He said he’s wanted to leave me for a while and keeps saying we have nothing in common and he isn’t emotional enough for me and keeps telling me to find someone else but then he holds my hand and sleeps in the same bed with me and got mad when i told him i was downloading a dating app. I’m so confused and hurt and angry. I feel so worthless and I’m just so tired. I hate this disorder i hate being this way i hate pushing people to their breaking point and then being alone. I hate being alone but then i hate getting close to people cause I’m so scared they will see the real me and the real me is awful. I’m so tired. Why can’t i just get better.