There he is... he's sitting on a bench in a gym somewhere...

Hes.. there... perched over his knees, contemplatively staring down the ground before him....
Hes listening to music through his headphones.... sweat dripping off him... onto the floor I guess.... that guy 2pac... those guys from the 90s... nas, pac... biggie... 

They made apathy into a virtue did they not... was not all emotion or one's inner desire to be connected to others a mere weakness to be done away with...?
Was it not a case that every time you wanted to grow close to someone you just... couldn't... no matter what...

It definitely hurt... it really did... but oh well... what are you gonna do about it? There's not much you can do...

But you know... most people are essentially disinterested in you in a pretty severe way...

You became a loner... but you looked upon your lonerdom as an essential trait of hypermasculinity... 
You decided you don't feel anything anymore....
And no one ever really gave a damn about you anyways.... 
You don't know how to open up and no one wants you to anyways.. 

So you do the only thing you can... you become numb.. just numb.. and maybe things will be kind of OK maybe, but you don't have a right to be connected to others.. you are not wanted, you never were... never.. ever...

So you adapt.  Thats what you do, you become a numb statue of nothingness, when negative feelings come up they're just there...
It's not like you can do much... no? 

One day... maybe someone will say to you .. "hey.. you're not so bad you know..."
And you will say thanks... you'll walk away, and you'll sever any potential for a connection to be created between you and that other person.. 

You've had enough.. you don't want to be hurt anymore... and anyways, this love stuff is overrated, you've been put through too much... 
And you're not a bad guy by any means, but you just don't really like people anymore...

And away you go, on your motor bike, maybe to the next town  .. keeping everyone at arms length... no one can come in but most don't want to anyways...

You are a loner... you make do on your own terms, just you, it was always you and you alone... your pain is like a constant test that you consistently pass because you're strong or so you think...
Maybe you are. Maybe you're not maybe both...

Who knows? But it does get a little cold in here at times.