My mom turns 65 today. I called her to say happy birthday and we actually had a decent call with no arguing or gaslighting or anything like that. I just hate feeling that I have 0 connection with the people I spent 18 years of my life living with. I’ve always felt like an outcast around them. I tried hanging out with them my whole life but finally gave up after I moved out because I didn’t have to try to force a relationship with them anymore. After every phone call, I cry because I wish it wasn’t so forced and I cry because I wish it could just be normal family relationship. They have no idea who I am and really never have. It just hurts.