Relapsed and it’s the reason why I’m at where I’m at (depressed, suicidal) it’s completely ruined my life. My dreams of having kids are over, retiring my parents are over. My studies have gone to complete waste, I don’t even remember anything and don’t want to start over. I lie to my parents saying everything is well when it’s not. I pray to god or the universe every night to show me a sign that my future is in good hands, I just need some hope.