my 26th birthday is in a few days. this entire year there hasn’t been a day i haven’t thought about ending my life. just really sad and hopeless even though to an onlooker everything would like great. i said the other day some people have a shelf life and i think that’s me. i’ve tried so hard to be helpful and uplifting to other people, while also working on myself. been in therapy all year. 

this year: i’ve met with attitude when i stand up for what i believe. ditched by people i trusted. betrayed and they took credit for my work and expertise and now get the accolades for it. i did a lot of work this year i can’t talk about and keep getting walls put up around me like i’m some type of animal. not allowed to ask questions and pretend it’s fine. people only talk to me when they want something. stuck with a shitty boss. i can see people don’t think i’m important unless i can help them seem more important. no one standing by my side. i’m alone. isolated. even though i try so hard. i just want people to want me around. i just feel like i’ve served my purpose and it would be easier for everyone if i was gone instead of telling anyone my feelings.

i’m so tired of being invisible and being stepped on, i’d rather just be gone. sorry this is such a sob story. i just put on a happy face and demeanor all the time. just can’t do it anymore. just want to be done. thought things were getting better but i was just absolutely fooled and blinded into being used even more. just so spent.