I do not mean to drag on and on but I have had a bad and dysfunctional childhood. Both of my parents were alcoholics. I’ve had disagreements with my mother and her boyfriend. Ended up moving out the same day I found out my father died. I’ve had a depressive childhood from neglect and blackmail. 

Fast forward and my moms sisters husband(uncle through marriage) let’s me move in with his parents. It’s going okay. My uncle is opening a restaurant and I was with him to help him get things organized. I would bring his father with me so he can get out during the day. My uncles father is very old. 90 years old. 

I would run around for my uncle, going an excess of an hour away to pick up plates and things needed for the restaurant. I wasn’t the biggest help but I did what I could to help. I had intentions of working there and every time it’s brought up to the two managers there I always get told “it’s up to your uncle and aunt if you want to work here” yet they would literally say in front of me how they want to hire people and how they need more people to work. Then I found out leaving today that my aunt doesn’t want me to work there for some reason. Idk. I always feel like I’ve been pushed to the side. Secondary. I also always felt like things weren’t normal for me. From growing up in a dysfunctional household to the death of my father to now I am out of the house living with my uncles father. I don’t want to say I expect a job but to go there 3-4 days a week to help my uncle and then get told I can’t work there is a punch in the gut. It’s also the small things that make me feel bad. They made shirts and sweatshirts for everyone to wear but when it came to me one wasn’t ordered and one of the managers gave theirs to me. I just feel so worthless and I hate myself. I feel like my only purpose in life is to help take care of my uncles father. I wish I wasn’t born. My father told me when I was 12 that he didn’t want me. Now all these years later I feel so defeated and worn out. I am 21 now but I feel like I’ve lived a lifetime. I feel weak. I want to sleep. I don’t want to be conscious anymore. I don’t want to hurt my loved ones. I just want peace.