Quite literally the only thing stopping me is my best friend and my mom and brother. If I didn't have them then I'd be happy to go. I already have the stuff I need and the method in which I'll do it, but with them around I can't do it. So I have to force myself to stick around just for their sake. And it's miserable and not fair. I'm so tired of pretending that one day it'll get better. I've been pretending for fucking nearly 14 years. Why bother anymore. If it hasn't changed in 14 years, of which 5 were  therapy, and 3 on medication, what hope is there? I'm angry, I'm frustrated, and I'm sad and I'm fucking tired of it all. I want to die, but I can't. I have no hope in me or my future.