knowing i am about to relapse and mess up everything again scares me but not as much as surviving my very soon attempt worries me, with what my little sisters would think of me and what my aunt would say. i can hear it in my head "you are lucky and have a great life, you dont want to die." my mom suffers from hard drug addiction (as well as my father) and she has bipolar, depression etc. i am  clinically diagnosed with depression anxiety and bdd (body dismorphia) self diagnosed with ADD currently. my suicide letter is written and i want to overdose but if i fail then ill suffer really bad conditions in the hospital or be admitted in. im losing myself being on deppressants they make me numb and the only thing that changes it is weed and alcohol. im 13. currently im waiting to graduate then see how things go, if no positives happen by july 5th im done.