The sea is as clear as glass. The sun is shining brighter than ever. It's hot and I'm on the beach tanning. I feel like shit. I don't want to go outside. I want to stay in my room, keep it dark and don't want to come out until it's time to leave. I feel like a fat piece of shit. Everybody here probably hates me, including my boyfriend. I have this talent of ruining everything nice with my depression. He just annoys me. Everybody is annoying. Snorkeling and seeing the coral reef left me unimpressed. Thinking about the next days bores me and makes me wanna go home. I don't want to answer his questions or talk at all. Sometimes I wish I was mute, so I don't have to talk ever again. It's just so exhausting. Not even vacation can make me feel better. I'm a lost cause. I'm a waste of time. Life is gray.