I don't know if you will read this, but i need this for myself. So here it goes.  
You were my first real love, my first relationship, my first everything..that's why it pains me to let you go. I realized that we don't really want the same thing as i thought before..i'm just not the person you were looking for all along, i guess. We had our ups and downs and i won't forget anything we've been through together, but i also can't forget the worst parts and now i know better. It's not okay to call me "borderline" or "sick minded" everytime i'm emotional or when i freak out about small things, all i needed was a hug, a reminder that i could count on you, the rest i could do by myself, but no..sadly you couldn't do that, you always had to insult me and i think i deserve better..I also think that you deserve better, i was not a kind person after awhile, i lost myself multiple times and couldn't get back up. This resulted in an on and off relationship, which wasn't healthy at all for the both of us. You were always chasing your dreams and sadly i couldn't keep up, hence i'm still unsure what i want to do with my life and i have to figure it out first before i can give myself to someone. I have so many questions, but i think it's part of life to not get answers for every question i have. It just doesn't make sense to me, everything started out so good and look at us now.. I'm still unsure wheter i can let you go fully or not, but i think it's safe to say that i will try. I don't want to hurt you or being hurt anymore. I have to focus on myself and my life, because i'm pretty fucked up and you shouldn't put up with that. In fact you shouldn't have never put up with that. It was wrong of me to want more than it was. I hope you achieve everything you want in life and i also hope that you won't forget me, i think i've done enough for the both of us, but i'm tired. I'm sorry for everything i've done what hurt you, i never wanted to hurt your feelings and i don't want to say that "it was all borderline", because that would be bullshit. Borderline is a part of me, but I did all those things and i shouldn't have. I was out of control and abusive to you and to myself too a lot of times, but it wasn't all bad you know? I remember the first night we've met, i remember the nice and chill afternoons, the Game of Thrones binge watching, the good chemistry we had, the plans we had for us, all of it felt so real, i honestly thought that you'd be my one and only, although we are both pretty young and we both have no real experiences in life, but i really thought we could grow old and experiment life together, but the truth is that this isn't a movie. In real life it's so rare to find your soulmate at a very young age and we were just not it. You might think that i screwed up again, but i know my own worth and i know that i didn't deserve to be treated that way, whatever happened between us, I always respected you. It's time for me to move on and for you too. I know that it's shit to just throw it away what doesn't work anymore, but this isn't true in our case. We had 3 years to try and make it better, but somehow it never really worked. We knew how to make it better, but we didn't care enough about it, i suppose. We were stuck in a toxic phase of our relationship and I know you could never leave me. Your love was always pure and i know that for a fact, but your actions and how you behaved told me an other story, which is fine. I just hope you grow into a person who'll see what i've been talking about the past 3 years, but i won't be there anymore. If you can't end this evil cycle, then i have to do it. We both deserve more what we got so far. Keep doing you and it will be fine :) i hope you'll see one day that i did the right thing for both of us. I here by promise you, that i won't text you or call you after a month of being seperated, because it has no use and it has never had any use in the past either. I'm sorry it has to be this way. It's time for me to find myself again and enjoy life. Please do the same and make me proud. I hope your dream to become a great sound designer happens and i hope i get to listen to one of your songs. Goodbye, my love.  


PS.: I'm sorry if i wrote a few things multiple times, i'm emotional again, if you read this please don't hate me for it. I tried my best.