Everyone I know, or rather knew is finishing six form or college. They're either moving onto university or starting their careers. I'm stuck in bed. I spent a year doing nothing. Seeing pictures of them smiling, out in the sun and accomplishing things makes me so jealous. I can't be asked anymore. Once I'm 18 and I'm no one's responsibility I'm going to run away and kill myself. About 50 or less days until that happens. I'm going to attempt to do better. 

But it hurts when I apply to jobs and get no reply. When that one friend who I haven't seen in over a year messages me and I don't know how to respond so I end up ghosting him. It hurts when I look in the mirror and see someone so incredibly unattractive and ugly. Or when my heart races in public because of my social anxiety. 

I'm so alone and deserve being so alone.