3 weeks ago I got clean from opioids, they numbed my moodswings down and filled me with warmth that I never had in life. But it got worse and didnt have any effects anymore in the end. I went through withdrawals and shit and it was very unpleasant.  


What is even more unpleasant now is the feeling of my real self, the overload of emotions and emptiness, the hatred and apathy. I cant deal with my sober self. God, its so boring. Sometimes I wonder if I am.supposed to be an addict to survive? Should I start getting high again? I hate feeling the feelings. I just dont want to exist.