This is my first post here and I’m very emotional, sorry for any mistakes I’m advance and sorry if this is the wrong sub-Reddit. This is very long. About two years ago I (29F) realized I had serious issues and was continuing the trauma cycle. I guess you could say I became “woke” to my short comings. I decided to seek therapy and upon consultation when asked why I was seeking therapy I advised that it was because I was tired of treating my wife ( 31f) of 10 year relationship) like crap. Well, the more I went to therapy the more it became about peeling back layers of my own trauma and realizing my triggers and my issues. To make a long story short, I was molested as a young child, groomed by a so called “uncle”, emotionally, sexually and physically abused by my step-father(narcissistic), molested by a stranger in the park and according to my step father he “knew” I was being molested by my babysitters as a toddler but didn’t care so he kept taking me back. I witnessed drunken domestic violence. Have been thrown against walls. My mother and step father have two sons together, I was always reminded that I was not “his daughter” and to “go back to my father”, “ask my own father for this”, I could go on and on. My mother felt I could handle it....so I took one for the team, always. Anywho, back to the matter at hand. Two years ago my wife and I started becoming, distant? I started becoming very closed off and increasingly more frustrated with our toxic and EXTREMELY co-dependent relationship and lack of communication. I also went through stages (and still am) of trauma???? Ex, realizing I can have bodily autonomy, wondering about my sexuality, hating my body, realizing Through therapy that I was abused etc. Through it all my wife was there, even though we still had a toxic relationship for the most part. A few months back I decided I could no longer live with her In that type of relationship, we were not improving (I felt) so I decided to remove myself and moved out, I communicated with her about this every step of the way, we were amicable and she even helped me find the place I moved into and helped with the move. We still split our bills 50/50 and shared custody of our dog. We mostly communicated via text, still went to some family gatherings and kept our separation and move from our families ( mutual decision) and I thought I was done with the relationship and could not continue any longer. Well, a few weeks back I found out that she was dating someone new. I lost it, I was in so much pain, I couldn’t believe it and as cliche as it seems, I didn’t realize what I had until it was gone. I felt like I didn’t try hard enough even though I did try. But I keep telling myself she too suffered so much in our relationship and I want so much for her to be happy, I don’t have anything to offer anyone, I have too much trauma and too many triggers, I have severe social anxiety and am extremely introverted whereas she will talk to anyone even on the street. I have CPTSD, severe anxiety, major depression and most recently have begun treatment for BPD. I’ve been on an emotional roller  coaster with thoughts of suicide, extreme emotions, more pain than I’ve ever felt and I just don’t know where to go from here, I guess I’m just looking for advice, I honestly don’t even know anymore. I’d you’re still here, thanks for reading. 

TL/DR: separation from wife, Lots of emotional, physical, sexual trauma triggers, questioning of sexuality caused end of relationship (from childhood). Ex-Wife has started dating someone new and I’m losing it.