I had Major Depression. Could not even cook or clean after myself, it was like climbing mount everest every day just to survive. Had to move back in with parents. Career and relationships fell apart. Was deep, deep into major depression for 4 years. Had a great life before it, very promising career, great degree, great friends and relationship... lost it all. 

Took sertraline for 2 years. Didnt do much.

Doctor put me on Mirtazapine. 15mg at first. Then 30mg then 45mg. Been at 45mg for over a year.

3 months ago I started with a new therapist. He says I seem to have BPD. I have many but not all BPD traits. I've been doing DBT weekly (and daily, to some extent) for 3 months. Its been useful and fixed all kinds of weaknesses I had.

I just discovered mirtazapine activates the noradrenaline system. 

A lot of my uncontrollable anger only started to appear after being on the maximum dose. Other impulsive behaviours seem also to have started after taking this higher dose. I get super obsessed by a subject for a month then move to another. Over and over again. Its actually quite fun and I am learning lots. I have to be disciplined to pick the right subject. This last month learning about swiss watches was a waste. The previous month about nutrition has served me well. 

I nearly killed myself 3 months ago, and to some extent it was the mirtazapine. As I was trying to hang myself in some woodland over an immense feeling of betrayal and despair, and I felt the immense betrayal even more because of having BPD traits which seemed to have started with mirtazapine. It wasnt just depression. I had immense anger, rage, betrayal, despair. I felt it all 100x. I was stopped by a bystander and it was incredible odds - I actually interpreted it as some kind of sign when it happened since it was pitch black darkness in the middle of nowhere. 

Anyway: I both do and don't want to be on mirtazapine. Im talking to doctors and therapists about this, and reading pubmed and doctors forums. But I also want to hear from BPD forums.

What are your experiences with BPD and mirtazapine? 

Does it exacerbate things? Improve them? Did anyone else only have BPD symptoms amplify after taking it?