And I also know my mental state gets worse with less and less sleep I get. And because of work and hour and a half commute from working at CSC even though I told him crowds, noise and having to be sometimes rude to people gives me anxiety. I hate that I specifically told him I wouldn't like it but made me do it anyway instead of focusing on studying. This is all after he made me come home from my LD girlfriend's house, the only place I felt truly happy and comfortable, after she got drunk and texted my parents that she didn't want me there and that my parents didn't appreciate her.

Anyway I'm using energy drinks to stay up longer (I've had max 10 hours sleep in the last 3 or 4 days, and I have undiagnosed sleep apnea so my sleep is worse,) and thus reduce my mental state enough where I have no choice but to Uber to a psych ward.

The problem is I have a ton of motivation to do impulsive stuff (which includes getting help) in the morning and early parts of my shift, but I just want to lay in bed and just do whatever the path of least resistance is by the time I get home.