I tried to run and hide from this but I realised that maybe I do have depression. Some days, I don't make it out of bed. I have a very poor diet either because I have failed to make it out of bed or because i'm so deprived of energy, I can't be bothered to cook. My room was so messy for months that I couldn't even see my bedroom floor. I don't leave my house much because, well I rarely have any clean clothes because I don't do laundry often because either (again) I failed to make it out of bed or I have no energy to. I let my personal hygiene decline and i'm always unkept. 

My day usually consists of waking up, sometimes not making it out of bed, and then falling back asleep with this mentality that i'll try make it out of bed tomorrow. If I do make it out of bed, I try not to, but I usually end up sitting in the kitchen all day just on my phone looking for something interesting but nothing excites me. 

Up until now, I have never labelled it as depression. My family and friends think depression is a joke and despise people who have it. That's why I fake being happy but recently people are starting to see through it. Initially I was scared of people finding out something is up with me, but at this stage I don't even care anymore. I know they are just trying to help but I can't stop myself from telling them to F off, which only adds to my negative feelings.

Thanks for reading, I'm only posting on here as i'd never reveal this to anyone in real life. Idk if it's because of shame or embarrassment, but something is holding me back every-time from telling people irl. But I think just admitting to myself that maybe I do have depression is a start