My friend isn't talking to me/doesn't want to talk to me.

I'm in so much pain.

I see everyone from my school having fun/being friends with each other.

I don't know how to move forward confidently.

It's literally feels like my stomach is being ripped open.

I've had five meditation sessions today, and they haven't been successful.

What should I do about my friend? She doesn't want to talk to me, and it's painful to think about that. I want to end the friendship so I can move on. Yet, I feel comfortable being fucked over like this. I feel comfortable in that 'limbo' kind world. I'm so comfortable with not being spoken to, or cared for.

IT FUCKING HURTS!

Please, someone tell me how to deal with this. My BPD is telling me to do so many things.

I'm super lonely. Can anyone please give me guidance? I really need it right now.