I have no idea why I'm writing this here, I just needed to get it all out otherwise I feel like I might explode!

I'm currently doing my masters degree, which is taking forever, and I'm working on my dissertation, which has caused so much stress because I have an absolutely useless supervisor. 

Because of the BPD, depression and anxiety, I've not been able to work and work on my dissertation without causing massive issues with the dissertation. But this means we're living on just my husband's pay, he was meant to get a pay increase but that wasn't in writing so he can't do anything about that. 

We went to a wedding reception at the weekend which was about 100 miles each way, with 2 drinks costing £16, which was more than we expected. My husband's sister is getting married in just over a weeks time and that's at least 50 miles each way, but we have to stay. I know the hotel isn't costing a massive amount, but it's still an expense and then there's any drinks we want, I think I might just have water. But I will be spending the whole day having the mother in law looking down her nose at me, as she always does, making snide or passive aggressive comments about anything and everything. 

My husband has been working from home, but he's going to have to go into the office again after his sister's wedding, so then we need to somehow make sure there's enough petrol in the car for those journeys.

Then just after my husband gets paid, it's my nephew's birthday and then my brother's birthday. Then just after that we're going to a concert that we paid for about 2 years ago now. But I'm not sure we can even afford the parking and I want to get a top and a concert programme.

I feel so panicky and anxious. I've taken some tablets that the doctor gave me for when I get like this, but it's not really helping. My husband has managed to get to sleep, but I know he's worried about me, partly because I was walking around trying to find things to sell, including my wedding and engagement rings, which I think panicked him. I've even mentioned not getting my prescription, so we can use that money for bills or food.

I'm sorry. I know everyone has their own problems and the virus has made things so much worse. I think I needed to word vomit everything and try to clear my head a bit. I'm really sorry for wasting everyone's time. I just didn't know what else to do. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this, everyone has their own lives and I don't want to bother anyone with my problems.