And I’m forever writing reasons down, finding excuses to make it to next week or next month. 
People just think I’m being social but fuck, I’m just trying to find any reason to push through. I’m trying so hard to want to live. I’m just so tired. 
I have this trip planned at the end of the year and it’s my dream vacation. I’m just scared that when I come home, that’s it. All the reasons would’ve run out and that’s just it for me. 
And it’s not that I’m scared to die, I’m just scared to leave everyone I love behind. 

But I’m just so tired.