The first time I tried meditation, couldn't do it.

I was 19 years old at the time.

And healthy to me was drinking orange juice after a long night of drinking alcohol.

I kept hearing about meditation and its benefits. So I sat down alone. I closed my eyes and all I got hit with was a huge wave of thoughts that I just couldn't sit with.

Maybe meditation isn't for me it just seemed like a waste of time. And honestly, I didn't feel like I needed it. Life was good. I was having fun and I didn't have much responsibilities, little did I know meditation would one day change my life and help me uncover emotions that were stored deep in my mind, but more on that later.

Two years passed and I hit 21.

My days of getting messed up at parties aren't as often, and I have a lot more responsibilities.

There's also this really incessant need to succeed, but not the inspiring kind, a need based in fear.

You see, I dropped out of college and now that all of my friends are starting to graduate, it seemed like everyone had their life figured out.

I am no longer, OKAY, with just having fun and enjoying the moment.

I have this tattoo on my arm that says enjoy now, which was ironic because that was the last thing I was doing.

I have a deep anxiety, a fear of failure, a need for everything to happen now.

Even though I try to be healthy, my mind can go out of control.

I've never been taught to manage my own stress and thoughts. I would often burn out and binge only to come back the next day and feel guilty for taking a break. I was trying to grind my way through life. I was gaining success in my business and I was able to go full time in videography in 2019, but like a lot of other people, I was neglecting my mind.

Working all day and drinking tons of caffeine starts to amp up my anxiety and I start to feel like I'm losing control.

While watching one of my favorite YouTubers, YesTheory, they mention meditation and how it has helped them control their anxiety. So I say, screw it. Let's give it another try.

**At the time I probably meditated once a week and it was unbearable. I didn't see the point in doing nothing when there was so much that had to be done.** Eventually I hang out with a friend who was also trying to get into meditation and he was like, yo, we should meditate together.

We sit down and we put on a 10 minute guided meditation. And for some reason it was a much more profound experience. The act of meditating with a friend with another human being, with another presence, gave me a sense of calm and peace that carried on throughout the whole day.

Finally, for the first time, I felt the benefits of meditation. I felt so good about it, that I ended up buying a meditation app. And this is what changed the game for me because I'm a frugal person, so when I spent $60 on a year subscription, best believe I'm getting my money's worth.

The infrequent once a week, meditation started to turn into five time a week meditations, and I started to understand the practice.

Let your thoughts pour in and then let them go slowly.

I was convinced that meditation was helping me, but let me be honest, during my first year, I would go weeks or months without having any amazing experiences like I did the first time. Those were far and few between it took a lot of discipline and willpower to keep on meditating, but eventually it did pay off one year later.

What used to seem impossible was now actually kind of easy. I could go 10 to 15 minutes without losing my mind. The benefits are subtle. It's like a muscle that you train over the course of a couple years, and it's something you have to practice frequently to keep. I noticed that I have a bit more anxiety when I haven't been meditating.

Just like I noticed I start to lose muscles when I haven't been working out. Whenever I'm in a bad mood or feel uncertain about something, meditation helps bring me back to myself. It helped me realize that a lot of my problems aren't actually that big of a deal that yeah, I have a lot going on, but no matter what everything is going to be alright

I started to feel more confident throughout the day. And I started to notice a sense of calm in my conversations with people. I could hold eye contact way longer.

All the times I saw people preaching the benefits of meditation, now started to make sense to me, when not too long ago it seemed like a complete waste of time.

I really started to amp up the meditations during quarantine. I was bored and I had so much free time that a routine was essential. 20 minutes a day, every day. This is when I had one of the most amazing experiences. It was eight months after my last breakup.

It wasn't until eight months later, when COVID happened that I actually dealt with what was going on. You see, I think that's what meditation does. It forces you to confront your own mind.

So one morning I'm meditating and I feel a deep sense of peace. Come over me. This happens like once or twice a month, you get a euphoria that is unexplainable. You just feel so damn good from nothing after the meditation.

And out of no where all the sad feelings from the break up resurfaced, and I started bawling. This was the first time I had really let myself feel sad about it, but afterwards it felt like a hundred pounds had been lifted from my shoulders.

I attribute this to meditation because I don't think those emotions would've surfaced. And I would've been able to let them go if I didn't have the space in my mind to do it.

And that made me realize as human beings, we hold onto things way longer than we think. And we leave them bottled up inside.

It's time to figure out who you truly are to take a step back from all the things going on in the world, because ultimately all your goals, everything you have and everything, you know, will be gone.

And the one thing you want to have figured out before your life ends is your self.