People abandon me no matter what I do for them. Even after pouring my heart and so many hours, it's nothing to them. I have BPD and I get obsessed specific people. Their smile and word means the world to me but I'm just nothing to them. I genuinely believe that for them, their trash bin is worth more than me. I feel like an annoying kid who tries to impress their mom for attention but mom doesn't give a shit at all. That's exactly how I feel. I do my best but no one gives a word of appreciation, ever. I try to be positive, I cheer them up but they just don't care. People say "you're not a positive person, you aren't supposed to be" and that drags me down. People want me to behave negative. They enjoy it because giving me useless advice when I'm down makes them feel powerful. I feel like a joke. Ffs, why am I still alive?