I don’t know if this is a common symptom or not, because I hear so many of you talk about the love and patience you get from your partner/spouse. I’ve never experienced that.

My brain only feels capable of toxic obsession. Whenever an emotionally distant, subtly emotionally abusive man comes along I fall HARD. I get addicted to it. The neglect, the desire, when I get what I want it feels so GOOD but the majority of the time I am lonely and feel insane. But I will always go back. 

But when there is a supportive man, someone who I know would be good for me long-term, there’s just... nothing. I guess the root of the issues can be traced back to childhood, but what I want to learn how to do is... love that kind of person. How have you done it? If I don’t get that rush, that desperation for affection, it doesn’t feel real.  It feels like a friendship. What is wrong with me? Should I just date someone I don’t feel like I love, and wait...? Why would I date someone if I don’t feel like I love them? Why does it have to be so intense, or nothing? It feels boring when someone can actually express their feelings. How do I combat this? Please share your experiences, I’m lost. I can’t imagine forcing myself to try to date someone I don’t love, but I honestly don’t know what else to do. 

