I hate waking up. Every day it's the same thing. I'm woken up by either my mom's lunatic boyfriend screaming at her at the top of his lungs for the tiniest bullshit reason, or it's my meth-head brother flipping out while he's high in front of his kids. Yes, we all live in the same 2 bedroom semi-decent apartment due to the pandemic. The only escape I have is either when I can manage to get some sleep, or while I'm at my soul-sucking job. When I do have free time, I pretty much have no friends to spend it with. There's nothing here in the town I live in, and the friends I do have all occupy their time with their girlfriends now. I'm trying my hardest to keep it together and get the fuck out of here, but that means I have to leave my mother behind to suffer by herself. She's also in a deep depression, but she doesn't have the will to take herself out of this situation. Nor is she willing to come with me. I've got up to 10,000 dollars in debt from a bad investment that all my money is going to pay off with each paycheck, and I fucked things up with the girl I loved. Now she's with someone else and probably forgot I even exist. I just feel like I want to fucking die. 

I'm thankfully moving back with my grandparents in 2 weeks. If not for that, I'd 100% kill myself. But again, I have to leave my mother behind. The only person who's always been there for me. If I want to have any chance at any semblance of a life I have to abandon her, and it fucking hurts.