I am currently at work and memories started flooding in (as per usual). I personally feel like I will never recover as a borderline. I have held in my rage and tried bottling shit up my entire life. Let’s just say… I am now sick and tired of having to hide my true self. For what??? To make others happy while I’m suffering silently? Nah I don’t think so…. I don’t like that one bit. I don’t like to think of myself as a monster, but that seems to be the best way to describe me. I am in IOP and I’ve actually noticed I’m only getting worse. Almost as if I’m subconsciously resisting treatment. Idk if it’s because I don’t like the people in charge but I’ve 100% had enough. I’ve had enough with having hope thinking that I’m going to get better. Why give into a fantasy about MY own life?? 
Sorry for being negative but it’s how I feel.