I'm a 31 year-old male who has suffered from anxiety episodes since I was 23. Usually my cycles last for 2-4 difficult months and then lift. This time feels different. 

It all started with shortness of breath in December. I am one who definitely suffers from health anxiety (hypochondria) so I was worried about Covid. After a negative test result, my symptoms shifted to chest pain for which I had an EKG and the cardiologist said I'm perfectly healthy and that it was probably musculoskeletal. That was in January. My chest pain has been come and go since then. 

In February, a new paranoia set in, one that made me feel as though someone was after me, police or otherwise, though I have absolutely no reason to harbor these fears. My PCP put me on an antipsychotic (olanzapine) which quieted those fears. Further, she switched me from Zoloft to Lexapro to see if my SSRI needed changing.

Cut to today and I still have chest aches from time to time but now my anxiety has shifted to a depression for the first time ever. I have more free time than I've ever had due to the nature of my job during covid and I find myself wishing that time away. I don't know what to do with it all and I find myself feeling like I'm wasting my life. I loved my job pre-covid and am trying to hold on until it returns. I work out. I have a wonderful partner. I cook my own meals. I try to find hobbies. But it all just feels like I'm spinning my wheels. Existentially it has me wondering about what will come of my years left on Earth and my health anxiety of course has me thinking there aren't many left. 

Thanks for listening.