I’ve never been good at friends or relationships or anything involving other people for more than a short interaction (if I get as far as that). Recently I’ve tried dropping the rope with my ‘friends’ and I was sad (But not surprised) to see that unless I initiate interaction- we just don’t interact.  
  
I’m not sure how much of this is me needing to push myself to be social because I withdraw easily- and how much is that I need to stop overextending myself for people who very much only see me if I’m physically in their face.  
  
I even feel this way about my own family. They seem quite focused on me being there and witnessing their life events, but there’s little to no engagement about anything I care about. I feel like a piece of decorative furniture. I’m a throw pillow. They make little to no effort acknowledging my FP - and still seem surprised when I would rather spend time with my person. The one person I trust to care and pay attention to me without me having to have a meltdown to be acknowledged.   (And yes that wavers- but he’s a champion at being patient with me when I’m splitting or disassociating). 
  
I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. And then I just want to climb in bed and stay there. I feel like I don’t matter and I don’t know how to digest that I do, sometimes I even believe it.