Hi, I've had anxiety all my life and am now on antidepressants that really help but there's still one hurdle I can't seem to get over and it's my conversation "filter".

You know how when you are around people you don't know super well you have a lil barrier in your brain to stop you from saying weird shit? Well mine is INCREDIBLY strong to the point that I can't talk to people unless they talk to me first and I have to be in some sort of work environment to start talking smoothly. Then it'll take a good couple of months before I then start acting normal and not reserved. 

I know WHY I have this (being bullied and isolated for my primary school years, best say nothing at all than risk being singled out)

I'm so confident in myself now around people I know, and I don't have self depreciating thoughts, in fact I think I'm awesome! And as I've got older and been to uni etc I've had a lot of people in my life tell me they enjoy my company, think I'm funny, and just generally say nice things to me.

But no matter how good my thoughts are, even when I am IN the situation with other people- I cant break through that filter. :(

It's getting really difficult as I'm at a stage in my life now where to make new friends I have to put myself out there. Its not like school etc where you get placed in a room with other people and eventually a reasonable conversation occurs.