How do i live for myself and not for everyone else?

Hi! This is my first post and english is not my first language so apologies for any grammar mistakes. 

I, (21F), have dealt with anxiety and depression disorders since i was in elementary school probably. I've always done things for other people and not for me, like joining sports clubs and stuff my parents liked. Or always behaved a certain way because it made my parents proud and i didn't want to make them mad, sad or dissapointed. And example would be that i never told my parents that i was bullied in elementary school because i didn't want them to worry. I don't even remember a third of my childhood to be honest but that's a story for another time (and im working with my psychologist to unveil why i dont remember, if there was any type of trauma that needs addressing an such). 
Anyways, as i was saying, i have always lived for the people i love but not for myself. Around my first or second year of college (when the pandemic just started and i had to return home) i was in a really REALLY dark place where i really wanted to ✨unalive✨ myself but i didn't do it because i knew it would destroy my mom and my brother (at this point my parents were going troughout a really nasty divorce and it was hurting everyone in the family, including my brother and me, because my dad has narcistic tendencies and my mom has a victim complex, so you can imagine how nasty it was). So i kept breathing for them basically, but i was not living. I started to not care for myself, gained like 50 pounds, didn't eat, sleep or wash myself properly for 1.5 years, and i had really bad and disturbing intrussive thoughts that i was really tempted to do (like stopping at the last second before doing it type tempted). There was my parents divorce and i was diagnosed with a chronic disease so that added a little bit of ✨spice✨ to the whole ordeal. 
In this time was when my mother realized that i was depressed and took me to theraphy, which helped. And i started to make little absurd goals for myself to not kill myself like "i can't die before i finish this series first" or "i can't die without going to this artist concert first". And all was better (not good, but better) for a while, like a year, until it wasn't. All the little goals i made started to be acomplished. My mom, my brother, my dad and my friends where in a better place and had a strong support system. So i started to realize there was no better time to kill myself. I started to not care for myself again, not taking my pills and my mother noticed again that i was in a bad place. So i started therapy again. 
In theraphy i realized that for the last 6 or 5 years i've only been living for other people, but not for myself, not because i wanted to, but because i didn't want the ones i love to be sad. And i'm EXHAUSTED to only exist or breath for others, but not feeling happy or at peace with myself. But on the other hand, i can't find something to live for, something for myself i want to accomplish, to do or to be. I never even planned my future because i never thought i would make it this far. Im graduating in the summer and i don't even know what to do, i don't have a plan and that really scares me. At this time i think the only reason i'm alive is because i'm scared of what's after dead and my dog.

To end all of this rant (sorry if it's boring, i just wanted to get it out of my titties) i just wanted to ask y'all for tips or advise to start living for myself, more like start to live instead of existing. 

Every word is appreciated. Thanks.

PD: I posted on another thread because i really want advise, so if it you saw this post twice, now you know why