First of all, I have not touched any drugs, including marijuana. I had my IQ tested during my sophomore year of high school. I scored 128 and 132 on two different tests, (I am not sure which specific tests) and I was told that this is considered gifted. School has been a breeze for me until very recently.  I have been enduring a lot of emotional distress over  the last two years. I have been battling depression and anxiety for a multitude of reasons. My family is dysfunctional, my father is abusive, I have been forced into a high control religious sect, I lost contact with a girl that I fell in love with because I was too afraid to ask her for her number, and to top it all off, I actually failed a class for the first time.  My memory, attention span, and ability to solve problems have withered away. I always forget where I put things, and I have difficulty doing mental math, but I used to be great at it. One time, I accidentally did a school assignment twice, completely oblivious to the fact that I already completed it, and  I turned both papers into my teacher. My self esteem is at an all time low, I am insecure, and I am haunted by the condescending gaze of my own shadow. I am paralyzed by self pity, self hatred, sadness, and anger. I have stopped talking to my friends, and I have no social life. I am broken, and I don’t know if I can put myself back together again. I have had many thoughts of suicide, but I realize that they are pathetic and I would never act on them. I just want to know if I am perhaps experiencing a placebo effect of sorts, or if I have real cognitive impairment. Can depression do this to a person ? Or could there be something serious going on ?  Did I inhale too much natural gas from the stove ? Is there lead in my water ? Did my dad hit me in the head with too much force? Do I have toxic levels of mercury  from seafood in my diet ?  Do I have some kind of brain degenerating autoimmune disorder ? These kinds of thoughts dominate my mind day after day. I feel like I’m not really living anymore. Additionally,  I have developed this weird habit of compulsive forceful blinking and a strange urge to press on my sternum because of a nightmare in which I was stabbed through the chest with a sword. (Weird, I know, but I don’t get to choose my dreams.)  In summary, I am all screwed up in the head, and this realization worries me to no end , exacerbating my already debilitating anxiety problem. I know this is a long and unusual post, but I don’t really have anyone else  to turn to for help. I’ve always been known as “the smart guy”, and I have attached my ego to this persona. I am losing my last line of defense against compete and utter worthlessness. I think I am going insane.