This is the best advice that I can give to anyone with BPD. 

Once you have accepted that you have a problem, do not expect to become your ideal self overnight. 

So many of us are self-aware and are able to explain exactly what we should be doing to help ourselves, and I know we all want so desperately to heal overnight and to become that person. 

But we have to be realistic. We have to be kind to ourselves.  Do not make promises to yourself that you’re not sure you can keep. 

Take baby steps. Make goals you know you can realistically accomplish. Once you gain more confidence in your ability to use coping skills, make bigger goals for yourself. 

For example, I have set aside an hour every day where I allow myself to ruminate to my heart’s content. When I catch myself ruminating outside of that hour, I gently redirect my thoughts and use distraction techniques. 

Basically, I know that I can’t just immediately stop ruminating all of the time, so I’m giving myself a break for that hour, where I can stop fighting my brain 24/7. 

I intend to slowly decrease the “hour” over the next few weeks / months until I have no rumination time set aside at all and willingly use my DBT skills every time I am awake.  

But doing this has helped me deal with the biggest barrier to recovery, which is the shame that comes with being a self-aware person with BPD who can’t magically make all symptoms go away with the snap of a finger. 

I believe in all of you. I’m so sorry for the pain and shame that this disorder has brought all of us.