There's something wrong with me, like really really wrong. I've been mentally and physically ill most of my life but it's getting worse, so much fucking worse. I think Im losing touch with reality more often. Last night I couldn't figure out what was real or not, I didn't know where I was or why I was there. I was in my own room and I couldn't recognize it. It felt fake, like someone had placed me somewhere that looked like my room but wasn't. Like someone was trying to imitate my room but it wasn't right. I kept whispering "it isn't real" over and over and then it turned into "I don't know where I am", "leave me alone, I dont know you" and "stay away". I was convinced someone was in the room and watching me even though I couldn't see anyone. It's not the first time I've 'untethered' a bit but it's the first time that I didn't know where I was. My other episodes haven't been nearly as terrifying either. It was the most fear I've felt in a very long time. The other times I've been aware of where I am and what I'm doing it's usually just paired with paranoia that someone is after me. I did have one episode two years ago where I thought I was a completely different person but I was still in control I knew how to 'act' like the original me, I didn't forget any parts of my life or anything. 
I dont know what to do. If it were just occasional paranoia then I could handle that, but this is a whole different level. How am I suppose to succeed academically and in my career if I can't be sure what's real and what's not. I want nothing more than to help people but I can't do that if I can't be reliable. I also don't want to see a doctor about it bc I'm studying oversees rn and I'm afraid I'll have to leave school or get deported  or something. I'm also not ready to accept that I'm actually crazy, that it's not just depression and anxiety it's full on psychosis. I just want to help people and live a normal life. Why does this have to happen to me?