Sometimes I don’t know whether I really have bipolar or it’s just an excuse used to comfort myself that I have a reason for not doing well. The more I think in this way, more guilty I will be. I can’t accept kindness from others easily because I don’t feel like I can pay back. I don’t know if others may live a better life without me. I can’t accept my problems (sleeping, eating, consumption, academic etc) because I don’t want to admit how bad I am. All these are just making me feel guilty and I will doubt whether I deserve love or not. Also, it is so bad when I suddenly feel depressed from manic episode. I will just get a terrible mental breakdown for no reason. When it comes to such moments, my heart hurts and I even can’t breathe well.

I am wondering if someone is experiencing the same thing. If you are, how do you digest all those overwhelming feelings? Please talk to me. Thank you very much.