Original: [https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalillness/comments/hjqmga/am\_i\_supposed\_to\_remember\_my\_childhood\_all\_the/?utm\_source=share&amp;utm\_medium=web2x](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalillness/comments/hjqmga/am_i_supposed_to_remember_my_childhood_all_the/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x)

But, today was my appointment via video with my new therapist. This, being my first session, she went through a battery of questions to see how I have progressed from the initial intake back in 2017. When she got to my childhood history section, I explained that I don't have any memories from before I was 14/8th grade. She replied that normally this is unusual, but with previous history of emotional trauma from my mother (self-reported), there is more to explore. 

She then confirmed the diagnoses of Anxiety, ADHD (inattentive type), and OCD; and placed my Major Depressive Disorder into remission. During this visit, she also went over the neuropsych testing that I underwent last year, which I just thought confirmed the ADHD-PI. Apparently, the neuropsychologist that administered and scored the assessments wrote a rather lengthy conclusion in which she noted a very superior verbal reasoning and fluency as well as visual and verbal memory, and superior processing speed and nonverbal reasoning and visual attention. 

The therapist noted that the findings in the assessment do not match with someone who has loss of memories, it led her to determine that there must have been some level of trauma that I experienced, and she mentioned that normally when the mind puts up a block of this intensity, the trauma must have been significant. 

Also, she mentioned that she was surprised that my ADHD was the inattentive type as males normally do not present with inattention. 

At the end, she referred me to an OCD specialist as well as a trauma specialist. 

However, what I didn't mention to her (because I didn't know what it meant/felt), was that last night, when I was cutting some vegetables for dinner, I accidentally missed and stuck myself with the knife (that'll teach me to use a dull knife). However, I noticed after the initial cut, it felt strangely calming, like my body was at equilibrium. It did not feel bad, nor good, just neutral. I'm not sure what to make of it though.