In social situations, regardless of how anxious I am, I find myself being the most vocal and crude person. In high school my friends were all kind of patronizing because I was always doing wild, destructive shit that I thought would get me a laugh. They treated me like their child on a leash that they were embarrassed to bring places, even though I didn't act too crazy out in public. My filter is really bad and my humor is really just extreme self deprecation and obscenity typical of what people on twitter think is funny. I make a lot of fast friends that only speak to me a few times before giving up because they can't keep up with my bullshit. I'm used to hearing that I'm intimidating (I have green hair and an insta art hoe kind look) which makes people not wanna talk to me. My reputation in high school was a devil worshipper (Mormon girls started it) and I kind of liked the attention everyone gave me but no body wanted to hang out with me. I'm having trouble making friends in college because it's a lot of kids from high school, and all my other friends were through and ex girlfriend and an ex friend so I feel uncomfortable talking to them now. I just feel lonely and ostracized (by my own actions of course). Sometimes I like being the weird girl but it also hurts because I don't mean to be. I guess I don't really know how to act with people so my fail safe is to be the most far out that I can and I get away with it because people think I'm the manic pixie dream girl kinda archetype. I don't know. I wish I didn't need attention so much because when I get it I feel gross and a little offended