I know this is a hallmark symptom of BPD but it sounds so vague. What is frantic vs normal??

Ex 1: If I am in a new relationship and just got out of an abusive one, am I having a frantic fear of abandonment by constantly fearing conflict and crying whenever I see something that could be a red flag? Is it normal that I’m already worrying about if we’ll be together in a few years, and if I’ll mess things up? 

Ex2: My friends from college live all over the place. Most of them and I are only in contact every few weeks. They’re busy, so I try not to take personal offense but I honestly am hurt. Have never lashed out at them or told them how I feel, but internally miss them and feel unloved. But sometimes I do freak out a little and feel as if no one cares. Is this frantic or normal? 


The line between “yes a normal reaction to trauma” versus “frantic” is so blurry. 

You don’t have to comment on my situation, what I mainly would like to know is what have you done, if you have BPD, that you consider “frantic” efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment?