i have huge issues with invalidation so being stable for a long period of time makes me feel like i've been faking and the things i related to and found comfort in (in terms of mental illness) feel like i'm being torn away from it and they're a great source of my 'self' because my sense of self is very empty and lacking. i don't know if i'm stable because i've created a bubble where i don't get many interactions so it could be that but it feels uncomfortable being stable, i feel distorted if i'm not crazy unstable, being unstable feels like me. i guess it would since i've been like that forever and anything that's different would feel wrong,, i'm starting college/sixth form tomorrow- in terrified because i have two friends there who are dating and every single time i spend time with them together i get horribly triggered and tend to be on the edge of splitting on them because i constantly feel replaceable and unimportant to them and it's hugely infuriating and ontop of that i get so brunt out after school, this is supposed to be a school for people with neurodiverdgents and anxiety etc yet i feel same as any school, very very uncomfortable and it's horrible.. maybe i need to get used to it. in yr11 i was only attending it every wednesday so maybe ill get used to it, i hope so.

but i am crocheting! :) i started Nov 2021 and i've only just learnt how to make amigurumis and i love them!!