I used to get good grades when I was in 8th grade (pre-covid).But after covid hit my entire life turned upside down.Last night I got my grades for my 10th grade exam and it wasn't enough to continue in my school..My father can't afford to join in another good school and I've been feeling suicidal since 2021 started.

I fought for my freedom but I failed everytime
Countless sleepless nights and trauma..I've got no friends who understands me.I only have one single person that understands me but they have much worse things going on so i don't want to bother them.

People say if u work hard now u will be happy in the future but I wanted to be happy now and I am now facing the consequences for it.I tried to live in the present and i get called selfish and lazy.I used to play acoustic guitar and i wanted a electric guitar so badly but now that my grades are gone i don't think I will get it.Music was the only thing that is keeping me alive...

I want to end my life but my human instincts are preventing me from dying.I have anger issues,I get the sudden urge to punch something and I've got hurt many times trying to punch things.

I try to be better at my grades but I'm failing at it and nobody around me understands that, After all they just see me as numbers and not my actual character.

Everytime I get a friend it seems I am the only one who interested in being friends with them.I feel so dead inside having no feelings.I can't remember when the last time I've actually felt happy....

I failed as a son,a student,a friend,a boyfriend,a brother,a cousin...

P.S For people who say "This is way less pain than what I experienced" please go away. Everyone has their own problems and don't try to compare yours with others

Also Sorry if my grammar was bad,English is not my first language and I'm trying to be better at it.Bear with the unnecessary commas and full stops