I’ve been severely depressed for the past 3 years. I went to therapy weekly for a year and then biweekly for a second year to no avail. I haven’t been to therapy in close to a year. I have had no energy or motivation for the entire 3 year duration. I’ve been squeaking by uni by the skin of my teeth. I’m kind of out of options, except for antidepressants. However, my family is skeptical of antidepressants given I had suicidal thoughts when I was much younger.

The first year of my depression I met a solid group of friends and saw them daily before dropping out of the uni because I had a mental breakdown which I hid from everyone (including family). I then went to community college for a year and secluded myself from the world. In theory, I would work on myself and return. This plan didn’t work as I got worse over the duration (covid happened). Fast forward a year and now I’m at a new uni with a major I haven’t told anyone and my depression is at the worst it’s ever been. It’s a constant cycle of sleeping 12+ hours/day for a week to not being able to sleep more than 4 hours/day for a week. I can’t focus, have no desire to succeed, no motivation, no energy, and seemingly no way out. I’m frustrated because I’ve been lost for several years and am throwing my future away. 

Just to clarify: I’m not suicidal, as I would never do that to my mom. I don’t want to die, I’ve just somewhat lost my will to live. 

Ideally, I would find an antidepressant to jumpstart my recovery. I appreciate any input.