I've been in a rut for going on almost four years now. I have no motivation. I don't care about bills. If I'm out of money I just go hungry. I do gig work full time so I work whenever I want. People are pressuring me to get an actual job but I feel like I just can't do it. I can't hold a schedule and I don't know if I'm going to wake up one day and have a meltdown. Before this I was a banker for five years fresh out of college and I just feel SO burnt out and I'm only 29. I wanna care. I wanna make money. I want to not starve but I just don't care. I do just enough to get by. I used to work 70 hours a week, go to the gym everyday, and meal prep and I don't know what happened to that person. It's like once I turned 25 a switch flipped. It ruined my marriage and put so much pressure on my ex husband that we fell apart. I have a new partner now and I'm trying so hard to not let him down and make more money so we can actually go do things but I feel like I'm letting him down too. I haven't worked at all this week and as he was leaving for work he was like you need to get ready and instead of disagreeing I just shrugged. I've had serious conversations with him about my mental health and what I'm capable of doing but I'm afraid he's gonna end up taking care of me like my husband was... definitely not to the DEGREE my husband was but in a way. I'm working more but not the 55+ hours I need to take care of myself and my home I get to 20-30 and I'm so tired just mentally. I make good money when I do work but I feel almost traumatized by my old job? I feel trapped and panic even tho I have complete control of my schedule. Idk what I need or what coping skills could help anyone have suggestions?