I've been in therapy on and off since I was around 8 years old, almost always doing CBT every time I see somebody. It's never been very effective, and I have always had such a hard time "replacing negative thoughts." I'm so frustrated with the way that therapists that I've been to only talk about "anxiety and depression," but whenever I mentioned my more serious symptoms (mainly from BPD and potential Bipolar 2 as suggested by my last therapist), my trauma, or my more negative autistic traits, they always turn the conversation back towards my anxiety and depression, trying to give me the same tools I've been given before that have never worked well enough. I quite literally told my last therapist that I think I may just be too much to deal with at this point, and that's been confirmed by the new therapist I was trying to see sending me a message to say that the kind of therapy she offers might not work for me because of my deeper issues. I'm trying really fucking hard to cope, I'm trying really hard to convince myself that it'll be worth it eventually, but if I've been looking for the right kind of therapy for over a decade and nothing is working, what am I supposed to do? 

I'm tired of "don't give up" and "there's still time" because I'm only getting worse. Wanting help and *positive thoughts* aren't gonna make me hate my life less, and no therapist wants me so what do I have left?