 This is a conversation I had with my direct manager regarding my Short Term Disability case manager.

[https://imgur.com/a/PNCkBOG](https://imgur.com/a/PNCkBOG)

TLDR: Please please please advocate for yourself. Ride as hard as you do for everyone else FOR YOURSELF. TOO. As in, in *addition* to speaking for them of course. Too many of us are experiencing "big picture" burnout, you are included in that picture silly goose. You matter.

Long Story Long:

I know the texts are pretty self-explanatory, but just a friendly reminder not to be afraid to reach out to your managers regarding issues in HR or other departments! I used to be of the mindset that my manager (at any job) wouldn't go to bat for me with their higher-ups/colleagues and that it was useless to try "backtracking" to solve a problem. I was worried I'd just be perceived as complaining or being difficult, and I thought since I was "woke" I knew better than to get wrapped up in playing some corporate game I was bound to lose. That's just a minor consequence of being more conscious of how fucked our society is: you become more skeptical. I still semi-hold that belief, but nowadays I at least TRY to include my manager with shitty behavior in other parts of the company.

Don't be afraid to share your frustrations with your managers or other coworkers!!! I know that's the glaring purpose of this entire subreddit, but **do not underestimate just how many fellow Redditors suffer from anxiety.** For me personally, it was always significantly easier to use my voice for someone else. Sometimes what you think is an obvious issue (ex: me being instructed to go on a pending leave and still not being paid a month thereafter) is totally under the radar for everyone else. Ms. Washington was technically right, my manager has only been with the company for 3 months, but she made damn sure to check on me every step of the way AND even apparently was reaching out to our LOA dept to cover her side as well. She still wasn't getting the whole story. I'd hope not, but it's not far-fetched to say that my company would've possibly tried to give some type of write-up or take away my attendance bonus had I not decided to touch base with my manager. As she stated, she was under the impression I was supposed to be back 3/11 and that things were relatively fine. Meanwhile, I'm trying to deal with a shit show in the background on top of the ongoing mental health struggles/existential crisis that I went on leave for in the first place.

I love venting to Reddit and upvoting memes just as much as you all but I know firsthand it's easier to advocate for a community rather than yourself. *Complacency is contagious* because it's admittedly easier. Not eaSY, but can seem eaSIER than confrontation, which for some reason has this awful aggressive and negative connotation. I recently had to distance a close childhood friend because they weren't comfortable with me using this newfound voice of mine, and although it was an uncomfortable conversation to have, I feel good knowing that I was finally being understood. I said what I needed to say and I no longer feel the need to "sugar coat" or "walk on eggshells". Now that's not me saying go lay clean the fuck into the next person to cross your path, because again for some reason I feel like that's the vibe people get when I mention confrontation. I'm saying more so don't feel obligated to hold your tongue at someone else's expense when they aren't the ones who have to process YOUR emotions after that conversation. This is my attempt at real-life advice. I just can't go back to the version of me that was all bark and no bite, and if anyone in your life is making you feel like you have to become some watered-down version of yourself around them then it's okay to accept and admit that to yourself. Again, my attempt at real-life advice. Apply this to any situation and I think it'd still hold steady. It doesn't invalidate all the good memories or the times you all were on the same page, but it's important to acknowledge that things have changed and you have different morals/boundaries now. When you use your voice that first time, for YOU, whether it's at work, home, school, with a friend, boss, coworker, etc. THAT SHIT FEELS AMAZING.

My ADHD brain is starting to ramble at this point, but I'll end with this:

I'm constantly told things like "You need to focus on you", "Why do you feel so responsible for a system you didn't break", "We're all victims of circumstance", and of course "No one expects you to be a superhero". I spent 21 years of my life thinking there was something wrong with me because I couldn't find a way to genuinely give a shit about myself. I thought I only existed to keep my loved ones happy and that if I wasn't helping others I wasn't a complete person. And to a certain extent, I was right. I *wasn't* a complete person. My VOICE was the missing piece. I didn't know I cared about myself, because I never spoke for myself. Shit, I rarely ever spoke TO myself. A generous amount of my internal dialogue was me questioning every move or shit-talking myself. That's more like talking AT something than TO someone, and to this day I still occasionally feel like I'm an NPC on autopilot as a result of years of that. Maybe that was self-explanatory for some, but please try not to beat yourself up if it wasn't for you. There is no guidebook to life. No one can teach YOU how to grow into YOU. This being a human shit is hard, it's frustrating, it's just... a lot. But fun fact, as there are nearly 8 billion of us on Earth at this point which means you are statistically not meant to do this shit alone!!! This whole playing tag with my money situation is still ongoing, but I'm so happy I dipped my toe in the metaphorical pool of "giving my manager a chance to prove they're not a POS". By advocating for myself I finally found someone else who is willing to advocate for me as well. Try not to count anybody out, that includes yourself :)