I wish i could feel pure joy and happiness. If you asked me what i truly wanted out of life i would answer with simply being happy . Ive gone through most of my life in a depression and anxiety about everything . I barely survived my teenage years . Now as an adult im incredibly lost as a person . I don’t know who i am. I dont know who to be. Im tired of pretending for everyone else. Im tired of the outburst the intense anger i have inside of me, the sadness, numbness. Im tired of the fights, crying all night. Laying in the darkness thinking about nothing or everything. Im tired of feeling like im not enough. Like anything i do . No matter how hard i try . It ends up not being enough. Im SO tired of the ache in my heart. Literally, physically my heart aches. It hurts .... everything hurts . And i dont know how to stop and get better . I dont know how .. i dont know if i will ever get better . I dont know how i’ll end up. I dont know how to stop this i wish i could just be someone else . I hate myself so much. I just desperately ... so much i just want to be happy .