I don't want to tell anyone because I don't want to be manipulative, like I'm trying to force them to comfort me or pay attention to me. I don't want that. But I am truly feeling like everyone in my life would be happier if I killed myself, or at the very least relieved. I bring them so much pain and it's so hard for me to be happy, I haven't felt happy in so long. I try to isolate myself so I don't bother them but then I break and share too much and they are probably overwhelmed. I just don't want to bother people anymore. But I don't know what to do with this horrible feelings.