alcoholic, been to rehab 3 times. would make 95% of any appointments i had when i had psychiatrist, therapist, or counseling appointments under my mom's healthcare (until the cutoff date), got medicaid and kept trying to work, got fired, lived off of savings and the grace of the two people who were close to me at the time, moved to a new state with an ex who already invalidated and verbally abused me because i had no other option, applied and received disability (all without a lawyer, all approved within 5 months because of the severity), but because i was approved for disability i'm now on mediCARE, not medicAID (federal vs. state insurance)... so the behavioral health clinic i was seeing before i went into rehab won't accept mediCARE. god, what THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK


couldn't work to pay for therapy. got on disability to pay for rent while receiving help. NOPE--- you can't even do that. so it's either pay rent and suffer (for me, getting drunk when i can), or be homeless and be able to afford sub-par, once-a-week scratch-the-surface therapy. oh, and the therapist i had before i went into rehab, talked to multiple times while in rehab, up and quit without telling me (really cool for treating someone with a disorder that specifically is scared of abandonment. it would have helped if she just fucking told me).

multiple stitches/staples, my thighs and arm are ruined, i almost lost feeling in my pinky from a knife... just.... wtf

why the fuck am i alive for this shit? why are people mad at me for drinking? if there's no fucking dying with dignity (voluntary euthanasia) for people with severe mental/emotional/behavioral disorders that are chronic and can't/won't be helped by the state, WHY THE FUCK won't they let me die peacefully? i already go on screaming rages once a month to the detriment of the neighborhood, waste public resources with cops being called to see i'm not hurting myself or anyone else/their property, countless ER visits, psych ward stays, food stamps, disability... LET ME FUCKING DIE YOU FUCKS. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh