Last week I asked somebody for their number and made a new friend. (Thanks for the love on that post).

This week the guy I've been casually seeing ghosted me. It's relevant that we have a history from years and years ago and are pretty awful to each other. He used to ghost me whenever he felt irritated, sad, angry, maybe just itchy I don't know. I used to lose my shit and go to his house and attack him and threaten him, or act the victim and lay on the guilt and tears.

Anyhow, he ghosted me. And I started feeling all those emotions but I sat on them. I didn't blow up his phone, I didn't knife his tires, I didnt go to his house and tell him he's a prick. I just sat on it.

I started to rationalise why he might have done it (it was out of the blue). The only real reasons I could think of were that he's misinterpreted a message I sent as passive aggressive (because history) or my presence has triggered his guilt over the way he treated me then (which we've talked a lot about).

So. Instead of taking his behaviour personally and deciding it was an attack on me or selfishness or that I'm a shit person who nobody could ever enjoy spending time with, I wrote a letter. I said I'm not sure what's going on but if it's the trigger thing I'm sorry it's affected him that way and it was never my intent, and if it's the passive aggressive thing here is what I was trying to get across and I'm sorry if I wasn't clear on that. I ended it by saying I'm worried about him and I'd like to talk so we can try to resolve it. Not once did I talk about my feelings, other than bring worried about him. It was NOT ABOUT ME.

Went to his house while he was supposed to be out. He was home. Quietly stuck the letter in his front door. Failed at quietly. He heard me and came out, big smile, very surprised, happy to see me. I asked why he hasn't read my messages and said I was worried about him and he looked confused. Pulled out his phone, 3 chilled messages from me, plus 6 other people have sent messages before and after me which he hadn't seen.

Idiot had his app muted. This is *not* something I'd considered. Mostly because of history but also who does that for 5 days!?!?

6 months ago I would have ruined everything by thinking only about what he's doing to me and how he's a jerk for all his lies and blah blah, regardless of his actual reasons. This time I thought the effect on me was awful but manageable, but my primary concern was whether he was okay and whether he'd made his own assumptions and was hurting.

All is well, and I *regulated my emotions and considered likely scenarios from his perspective* instead of bring wrapped up by my own assumptions about being a victim and turning them into facts.

I. Am. So. Proud. 😁😁😁

Therapy isn't till Monday so I'm gloating to you guys while I wait to gloat to the therapist