I’ve been depressed for half of my life. I’ve tried meds after meds and therapy, nothing has worked. It’s to the point where I HATE taking medication and speaking with doctors, I’m so goddamn frustrated. Therapy only makes me feel so much worse. 

I hate everything about my life. The only reason I’m still here is my dog and my boyfriend. I literally do not have any friends to talk to or hang out with. I hate my job more than anything, but I’ve felt that way about all of the jobs I’ve had, so there’s probably nothing out there that wouldn’t make me feel this way. I have a roommate that I cannot stand anymore and I hate being at home with him. He also ruined the one friendship I did have. I so badly wish I could up and leave him, but breaking leases is very costly. I’ve had to take a break from school due to the logistics of it, and I don’t know what I’m doing about it and that frustrates me further. I got raped a couple months ago by my tattoo artist and “close friend.” I was able to get the tattoo covered but I’m still reminded of it every time I see my forearm. I just got notified someone is trying to steal my identity. I could go on and on. I swear to god nothing ever goes right in my life. 

Every second I’m faced with these gut-wrenching feelings. I hate my life. I want to die. I cannot stand these feelings anymore, they hurt my fucking soul. And there’s nothing anyone can do to help. The generic advice my boyfriend tries to give me only upsets me more and sometimes leads to arguing. I feel so hopeless. 

I do want to be happy. I am just so insanely frustrated with nothing helping and it makes me want to give up. I’ve been considering trying Electroconvulsive therapy, but I’m worried about the side effects such as memory loss. I don’t particularly know why I’m making this post, I just could use any suggestions at the moment, I am SO miserable.