ok so erm basically my partner thinks i have it and i've looked up all the symptoms and they all sound familiar with they way i am 
my boyfriend used to be on citalopram which he was diagnosed with bpd and after a very very paranoid moment i took one of his tablets and i had a pre effect to them i was sick but the day after i didnt feel the slightest bit paranoid about him. 

my friend was prescribed them after a break up with her ex and she started giving me them because she didnt need them anymore and they really helped me feel good about myself and i really felt normal. 

i had been to the dr before they put me on all sorts of anti depressents none of them worked and a good few sessions with a psychiatrist which unfortunatly came to an end, she did make me feel a bit better but its been over a year and i haven't went back to the doctor.

me and my friend have had a fallen out as she refuses to give me them anymore and reckons its all in my head. 

i don't know what to do citalopram is the only medication that works for me and i'm too scared to go to the doctor to ask for it incase they refuse me it.

i hate the way i feel i don't feel normal, the thoughts that run through my head upset me, i hate thinking that my partner is cheating deep down i know he isnt a cheat but my mind tells me otherwise, if his phone is off i get paranoid that is he with someone else, when i'm in town i always keep my eyes peeled for him, i constantly check his facebook as i have acsess to it.

i don't like being like this and i want it to stop! 

* not only that but i have had outbursts of anger at silly things 
* i self harm a lot when i feel unable to cope 
* i feel like the world is out to get me 
* i hide my webcam on my laptop with a piiece of paper because i get scared someone is watching me 
* i have often seen things out of the corner of my eye moving like in my room even though there is nothing there 
* i don't have a job because i'm scared of meeting new people 
* i also have to sleep with light on when i'm at my home as i'm too scared to sleep in the dark as i can't see.

**I WISH I WAS NORMAL** 

edit sorry about bad speling and grammar