My girlfriend has BPD. I've done some research on how to maintain a relationship with a BPD partner. The research says to set boundaries and follow through with consequences if the partner breaks them. She struggles with emotional manipulation, being too clingy, being too codependent, holding up her end of the relationship in terms of dates and finances, and having meltdowns where she's ready to tear all of our work to the ground. I don't know what consequences I should have though. Can anyone give me examples of what kind of consequences I should have? I don't want my consequences to be too hard, or too vindictive, or too childish.

My boundaries, if it helps at all:

- If I say the safe phrase: "please respect my boundaries", please respond with "okay, I understand" in a calm tone of voice. Do not be upset that you are not getting what you want, be happy that we are working through this together. 

- Do things by yourself, whether it's something like going to the store or doing an activity. Let me know you are doing it, but do not ask me to do it with you. I will offer to join you. Respect my decision if I do not offer to join you.

- If you feel the urge to ask me to do a task that you could easily do, like getting your phone, instead do it yourself. 

- Pick up after yourself. Put your own clothes, dishes, snacks, etc. away. 

- On days when I cook something you don’t like, you are responsible for making your own ramen noodles or whatever you’re eating for dinner. I would appreciate you making an effort to legitimately feed yourself. 

- I will sometimes tell you I’m going to do my own thing out in the living room. Remember it does not mean I don’t love you or want to spend time with you. I just want to give other aspects of my life attention too and I need you to support that, so please don’t act upset or disappointed.

- If you feel like you are about to have a meltdown, let me know so we can try to stop it before it happens. Alternatively, take one of your gummies to see if it will calm you down. If we cannot stop it from happening, I will tell you that I will be right outside the room when you’re ready to talk, but I have to protect myself and will leave you in the room with the door closed until you calm down. You must stay in bed and cannot tear down or throw any objects.