like. it's actually really hard to admit to differing opinions, it's hard to put boundaries in place when someone is pushing it, it's hard to call people out, it's hard to admit to the full depth of how deep my hate of things are, it's hard to stop smiling and lightening my voice tone and cracking jokes when all i want to do is bash my head against a wall. it's hard to just relax and accept my state, it's hard to tell that person who seems really cool who likes me that i am actually so different in how i view things and operate compared to them. it's not easy. i thought finding my true identity would set me free, but i underestimated my freeze/fawn response. in a way, it's kind of worse now that i know, because i'm more aware of how frequently i fool people in one way or another. that's not who i want to be. i feel stuck.