I have BPD and major depressive disorder.

Long story short. 
I have a 6yr old kid that I transferred custody to his father when he was 4 after a suicidal episode that led to me being in a psych ward and rehab(not for alcohol or drugs but for my episode) and I am in a sugar baby turned real life gf with my sugar daddy turned bf for close to 2yrs now. (We love each other and it's not about the money anymore)

Problem:
Aside from my BPD &amp; depression issues. I AM SO SICK OF LYING TO EVERYBODY! The only person who knows I'm an ex sugar baby and for 2 yrs my ex sugar daddy who is now my bf has been giving me an allowance which I dont care about but for 2 years now I've been lying to everybody!! To my friends and family and to the father of my son and his family and friends. It's so bad. 

I've made up this whole story that I am a personal assistant/secretary of this super rich businessman and kept the lies for 2 yrs. My friends and parents and the father of my son even envy my job because I told everyone that I get paid a lot of money for such little work and flexible time. And I go on all expense paid trips with my bf all the time. Last year, I've been to 7 countries with my bf, even spent 1 month in turkey and I spend a lot of time visiting my son alone in sweden and everyone keeps asking me how I can afford it and how come I can get off work that long and frequently! I just lie and lie and lie...

I'm so sick in my head and stomach about it. Especially right now, I visited my son in Scandinavia and now I'm stuck here with the father of my son and I just hate lying and lying!!!!

My son even asked me what I do in my country and I have to lie again! Mygoodness. I actually hate meeting new people because when they ask me what I do for a living I have to lie again!

P.s. I cant work because I literally cannot work because of my fucking BPD or depression. I used to have my own business but I literally could not open my work emails due to anxiety. A friend of mine stole money from me and for years I didn't even want to think about it because it was causing me stress and I cant handle stress. I lost a lot of money but I couldn't care less because I would rather not have money than deal with dealing with problems.I couldn't even leave my house for 1 month before.( my son used to live with me and I couldn't even bring him to school, when his nanny was absent and no one can bring him to school..he's gonna stay with me because I cant fucking leave the door).

I really hate my life. I know I'm very lucky with my life but this fucking mental issues are fucking with me!

The father of my son who graciously let me live in his guest house just told me to close cabinets and drawers when I'm finished getting something and here I am thinking I'm a burden to him and everyone and I should just risk getting covid19 book a flight and fly home to my country! Wtf is wrong with me.