Just joined this sub today after diving into a rabbit hole of BPD-related content. I've been on ADHD subreddit for a while, got my diagnosis about a year ago at 30y.o. 

Got prescribed adderall and it's been really helpful with focus, but did nothing to resolve what i call "breakdowns". These used to happen very frequently before and now I get them once every other month. What usually happens is that I somehow get triggered and anger escalates incredibly quickly, within seconds, to a degree which I can't control. 

And I'm usually trying to handle it with breathing and "thinking calm thoughts" but it's all useless. It's really like a wooden sword against a dragon. So i break things. 

And i scream and i cry and the only thing that i found to calm me down is wine which i have to drink very fast, half a bottle. Within seconds a calm wave overcomes and i just whimper quietly until breakdown is over.

And right after it's over i feel the most intense regret. I'm just so sorry for being such a madman and breaking things and scaring my wife. But there is nothing i can do to stop it. I try. But i can't.

So i've been assigning all this to ADHD, emotional instability, inpulsivity, being infantile and all those, but then i looked into other symptoms and it's so spot on. 

Like, i don't know how to sign postcards. I have so many names and none of them really defines who i am, it now seems to me a like a way to escape this existential dread of not knowing who i am. I just feel like other people know who they are, like they are complete, and i'm not. Something is missing. I'm like an abstraction, a character more than a human being.

Needless to say i've done lots of cutting in my teenage years and did numerous attempts to end my life. 

I feel like i was somewhat misdiagnosed and scheduled an appointment with another doctor to get second opinion and get evaluated for BPD. 

Anybody has similar expirience with discovering ADHD first?