To put it in PD terms, it would be Schizoid/Avoidant PD traits most of the time, but a sudden switch to BPD when (accidentally) getting an FP. It feels like two completely different people. Disclaimer(?) though, I'm also autistic.  


In the past, I fit the typical ("quiet") BPD perfectly; always needing an attachment, intensely emotional, seeking validation and attention from others, oversharing, etc. I usually had a couple close friends outside my FP.

The past few years, in response to the horrible suffering of losing an FP (e.g. breakup), I started isolating myself to avoid catching FP feelings in the first place. At first, I still maintained a few friendships, even if I couldn't feel as strongly about them.

But now, I have no close friends at all and am uninterested in friendships in general. Although my psych thought I had AvPD traits, I don't generally feel longing to be around or close to people either. It feels similar to SPD except for being hyperreactive to criticism or possible criticism. Then sometimes, I will "accidentally" get an FP (it just sneaks up suddenly and outside my control), and it's like a switch flipped and I turn into BPD instead. Then when I get over the attachment, switch flips again and I go back to indifference and isolation.

Although I can only feel alive and have emotions in the BPD state, because it's also intensely painful and anxious, I prefer to be in the detachment state. 

&amp;#x200B;

I haven't seen people talk about feeling like this among any of the 3 subs (BPD, AvPD, Schizoid) so I would love to hear if any of you have a similar experience. If you don't mind sharing, I'd be curious if you have any other PDs/comorbidities besides BPD, but no pressure to disclose.