I don’t want to be. Idk why I do these things. Idk why when everything is ok. My heart starts beating super fast and my paranoia gets the best of me. 

Then I LOOK for reasons to split. I SEARCH. And of course if you go looking for something you’ll find it right? Especially with this fucked up ass lens that I see the world through. 

I want to burn all my bridges. But I know that means I’ll jst self isolate and become worse. 

But sometimes I jst want to be alone. Alone from every other person. Because I feel as though all I do is destroy people and I destroy my self in the damn process every fucking time. 

I’m tired of ppl leaving me. I’m tired of leaving ppl. I’m tired that it’s never enough. I’m tired that even without me realizing it I search for ppl. I want MORE MORE MORE. 

It’ll never be enough. I could surround myself with hundreds of ppl. It’ll never be enough. 

But I still do it. I still search. I dnt even mean 2. It always happens randomly. 

I wish I could give myself the love and validation that I do desperately crave from everyone else. 😞