So I got a job recently, working in a food factory. It’s ok, not great not terrible. The work is easy, just stood on a convert belt putting food in a packet, I’ve been speaking to people in there ok. I’ve went home early once and stayed off once in the week and a bit I’ve been there but I’m proud of myself for finishing 3 full shifts. Only complaints I could have is the hours day to day aren’t set in stone and not quite used to the joint pain yet.

It’s obviously not something I want to be doing the rest of my life. I wouldn’t be able to earn enough to move out and live stably without doing my back in and making myself ill. I was hoping to find a new job sometime in the new year. I just really don’t know what I want to do.

I had another job, working as a product picker in a warehouse. I lasted three days and just didn’t go back. And it scared the shit out of me. I lost interest in everything I had hoped to build a career on. Art, games, writing, everything. The only thing I’ve thought I’d be happy doing is some kind of animal care but everything requires a degree a masters a qualification. I cat go back to school now I’d have to pay or take a loan. 

I truly don’t know what to do with my life at this point. I don’t want to work a shitty job where I just count down the hours until home time. But I don’t know what job I’d enjoy. I’ve been fighting staying up into the early hours of the morning recently fighting off anxiety attacks because of this since I just spiral into worse case scenarios. I’m panicking so much I don’t even notice sleep medication doing anything. 

My suicidal thoughts have been finding more reasons because of this and I truly do not know what to do. I’m on a waiting list for coinciding but I have no idea when that’s happening because they don’t give you updates. I’ve considered using better help but it’s a bit expensive.