(Tw - brief mentions of eating disorder, medication misuse) 

Hi, I’m Talia I’m 16 I don’t know how reddit works pls be nice. Anyways this is my problem sorry if it’s long)I was prescribed Vyvanse 70mg a couple months ago in a psych ward by a psychiatrist (this psychiatrist was a bit dodgy, your not meant to prescribe these meds to underweight people with eating disorders….), at first I was calmer, more focused, I just felt so great the first few days like I was unstoppable and so productive, I could actually think properly, I still feel better on the meds then off them but I am always so desperate for more of the feeling it gives me. The thing is I also have anorexia, the meds kill my appetite, give me all the physical energy and focus that starving takes away. Not only can I not go a day with out these meds, but I take extra whenever I can, even tried to buy more online and lost a lot of money, spend entire days trying to open the metal safe that my dad has hidden all the meds in. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore I’m starting to just do shit I would never do just to find more stimulant meds. My dad left my younger brothers Ritalin ( he has ADHD too) out on the kitchen bench last night, today I replaced 14 of the capsules with sugar grains and kept all the Ritalin in a tiny container, I feel like an asshole. My brother hardly ever takes his meds he doesn’t like them , but what kind of person takes their younger siblings medication idk man. When I have these stimulants I feel like the best version of myself, I feel strong and smart and focused and I don’t hate myself as much because I can actually finish tasks. Every time I research ADHD meds I either hear about people with ADHD saying they are not addictive and have no addictive potential or I hear about people without ADHD getting addicted to them because they wanted to study better. I don’t know much about addiction, these are the milder kind of drugs that I lean to, but I’m overdoing it and it’s really affecting me. Getting heart palpitations, fainting, my audio and visual hallucinations are much worse, my anorexia is the worst it’s ever been, it’s out of control, I hardly sleep, been drinking several energy drinks daily and feel no effect from them, I distract myself until morning when I can have my Vyvanse again. Sorry this is a long paragraph the point I’m trying to make is that I don’t think I could live without these stimulants, am I the only one that feels like this? Has anyone that takes similar meds found themselves taking it too far? I’ve been told before that people only get addicted to these drugs if they don’t have ADHD but I’ve been seen by many specialists since I was 12 who all say I do. Many people say they aren’t addictive, yet they’re  in demand by every student at my school and I don’t know man I feel like I’ve slipping into some kind addiction to them since I started meds, is that normal? Am I the only one, or are these stimulants addictive for a lot of people?