The older I get, the more pathetic I feel having anxious breakdowns, being overwhelmed by simple tasks, disassociating just to survive a few hours of work, not being able to hold coherent conversations or meet new people. 

I'm sadder and angrier that I have ever been, and O can't dig myself out of these feelings like I used to. As a kid, I looked forward to growing up and finding a way or a reason to live. I cant believe I stuck around for this bullshit. I dont see an end in sight anymore, and that was the only thing keeping me together. 

I constantly feel like I'm losing my mind. This fucking illness has completely exhausted me. I've been drinking more just to shut my thoughts &amp; emotions down. I just want to feel at peace for once.