Context:  I'm dealing with a lot of stress right now.  Divorce in Feb, bogus legal issues, sour workplace, 6yo daughter isnt doing well, among others.

Now, I've always been self conscious about my voice.  There have been a few times in my life that people have made fun of me for it.  While as few as they are, it has had a significant impact on me.  Whenever I've heard myself in a video or tape recording, I get squeamish.

Before Feb, for 7 years, I was living in a household that operated at a high decibel levels.  I'm soft spoken, and the only way I was able to communicate with people was using very small phrases and make sure what I said was heard.

Since April, I've been having memory issues.  While not an issue right now, I was drinking pretty regularly over the last year.  It's affected my ability to remember what I just said and what I'm about to say.

I got an idea to download a speech recorder and start listening to myself.  I didn't realize how fragmented my speech had become.  I couldnt say more than 4 or 5 words without thinking, and I was repeating myself out of habit for my daughter.

While I was sampling my voice, I was talking about what was currently going on that day and what was on my mind.

And by listening to myself, not only have I very quickly got over my self consciousness, my speech patterns have become more fluent and coherent.  I have better cadence and overall, I'm more interesting to listen to.  I did this for myself and for the sake of other people around me.

Also, while we all have our inner monologues and some of us talk to ourselves, it's been something entirely different listening to myself in these recordings.

Listening to me talk about my problems, my ocassional paranoia, depression, fears, joys, and promises have had a significant impact on helping me move forward with all of these things.  By checking in with myself, there's a level of accountability that wasn't there before.  If I hear myself dwell on the same problems over and over, that becomes a little bit annoying, and it helps me snap out of it.  By saying I'm going to do something, and knowing that I will be hearing it later, I have to chose between a feeling of disappointment or accomplishment.  

In effect, it has turned into a powerful tool for me to guide my life.  Now that I'm single, I don't have anyone to bounce ideas off of or just speak my mind to another person.  And I want to be courteous and not call someone in the middle of the day, dump some stuff on them, and hang up.

It also feels nice knowing that my life is being journaled in some capacity.