I’ve been on Reddit for a few years now but only been really active the past couple months (this is my burner account), so I do apologise I’m still unfamiliar with how this platform works and still learning my way through it (also, this is my first post.). 

I am a 19Y F (turning 20 in August). I first got diagnosed with depression at the age of 16 when I was admitted to the mental hospital. I only followed up with the psychiatrist for about 6 months and I stopped. No specific reason just didn’t want to get up that day and I never bothered to make another appointment. Almost 4 years has passed since and I won’t lie my mental health hasn’t been any better. I only started realising something was rather “amiss” with myself in the late 2019. I know I was very much still depressed but that depression felt different. I hope I’m making sense. Like when I was 16, I wake up with what felt like a boulder on my chest leaving me physically unable to even sit up. Days were long and dreadful and nothing felt meaningful anymore and I was always just thinking of ways to essentially kill myself. Now, I still feel those but not on an everyday basis but more of different times of the day. I really hope I’m making sense like my mood changes so fast and so many times throughout the day. Obviously there’s more to that but that’s the jist of it. I did some online quiz and a lot of it suggest strongly that I might have BPD and/or Major Depressive Disorder. Obviously I know these quizzes aren’t meant to diagnose me but I spent the whole of 2020 going through what felt like a rollercoaster of highs and lows and so much confusion onto why I am the way I am. But I do not want to self diagnose myself and I truly wanna get better because it is so exhausting. I just wanted to know what were the indicators that made or prompted you to seek help? And my knowledge about BPD can only go as far as to what google tells me, it’d be nice to be educated by people who actually have it. ❤️