i have panic disorder, major depressive disorder, and BPD.  im 25 and have never had an actual job before.  i recently applied to be a stocker on a whim and they actually hired me.  i was just so down on myself and suicidal that i figured id try it. how could retail be worse than dying?  anyway...

im not handling it well at all.  im so anxious i feel physically sick.  i never feel like i can get enough sleep and i wake up feeling as if ive been running a fever, my chest hurts, i cant stop crying.

every single part of me just wants to never go back, but i know i need to get my shit together and be independent.  i feel as though this struggle isnt worth the amount of pleasure i get out of living.  i feel like im going to be struggling for the rest of my life and for what?

how do you guys deal with it?