I’m currently dealing with being in a depressive episode &amp; I was bored so I started looking through things I’ve written in the past during episodes &amp; found this gem. (Originally written on 8/19/21) and damn… seeing how I’m hurting again just really sucks. Hope this episode doesn’t last long… 
Enjoy the little read ~

It’s like a switch flipped in my mind all of the sudden. From having a great day, feeling happy, feeling good and then here I am, writing this because that is all gone now. 

The negative part of my mind has wiggled its way in and has taken control. Making me feel so afraid. It’s making my heart beat so fast, making it seem like my actions are about to do something horrible to myself. 

I’m feeling hopeless, questioning why I’m even alive. I want to be alive, for my children, for my fiancé, for my family… but not for myself. At least, that’s what my mind is making me say. 

Idk what’s wrong with me. And I hate me.
I hate the person I become when my toxic mind takes over. Idk who I am right now. Idk anything… 

It’s like I’m drowning, gasping for air. Internally screaming for help, but no one can hear me. Why… why am I like this again. 

Why can’t I just be normal…