3 times in my life i have had 3 "episodes" where i spend a minimum of 2 weeks in complete fear or self pitty about something horrible i have done, feeling like my life is over and being pretty disconnected from the world usually, during this time i exclusively find comfort in my mum, i forced her to take me to work with her i would sleep on her floor i have no idea what would have happened to me if i was alone, the first time this happened i was 12 once again when i was 14 and then again when i was 17, im 18 now and now i cant do that, i dont want to ever be in that situation again, outside of them situations i do not speak to my mum at all, maybe 2 words a day, but i guess she is my safe person and im bad at keeping my feelings inside

im usually a very unsocial person, i dont speak to anyone, why is it that when im falling apart my brain forces me to be social ? if my default state is the complete opposite... like its forcing me out of my comfort zone to feel comfort ?

the next time this happens to me i wont have my mum to go and cry to, so its going to be interesting to see what happens