I got put on Paxil 20mg in 2016, up until this year it was magical. I was myself again after about two years of constant anxiety. The beginning of this year I tried to wean off “WORST DECISION EVER” I was hit with a brick wall in 5 weeks that left me crippled with anxiety and depression.. I got put back on 20 mg but it never seemed to be the same but I wasn’t crippled with overthinking. The end of September rolls around and I just can’t get myself to work, or function what’s so ever. I was crying constantly and worried about the future with my mental health.. I got put on 30mg paxil which was 10mg higher about 12-13 weeks ago. I would have a week that was decent, then a week that was awful.  This continued for about 9 weeks. At the 10th week I started to really enjoy life again. I was excited for the day, and waking up not totally freaking out about how many hours our in the day that could go wrong… on the 12th week I started to get some weird thoughts.. I was able to cognitively tell my self “these thoughts are not real and will pass”.. I then started getting fatigue, muscle aches, and my depression went to an all time high. I was driving with no destination in sight, just crying uncontrollably and wanting relief. I got put on 150mg Wellbutrin XR last Monday. For 4 days I was crippled with fear and rushing thoughts. Why is my medication not working? How many weeks will I have to wait for relief with this new medication? Am I ever going to get better? I then got diagnosed with covid on Wednesday.. I got some relief knowing that some of my physical health is bad because of covid. For the past week I haven’t been able to smell or taste. It’s really really hard when all you want to do is smell your stinky dog from running in the rain.. but I can’t. Today is day 6 on the new medication, I’m taking the Wellbutrin 150 as well as the 30mg paxil. I can’t even describe how hard these past few months have been. Each day I’m taking a step up a massive mountain. I started CBT once a week with a counselor, and started using the techniques on the day to day. I can’t stress enough that I know I don’t want to leave this earth. I have too much love to give and I just want to feel free again.