I feel empty. Reaching towards goals and dreams that I don’t even care about. 

I don’t care about anything at all. I know life is short and human existence is fleeting in the grand scheme. Why would I pretend that we, small little beings with small little lives, are meaningful? Why must I play pretend in acting as if anything that anybody does or says matters at all? 

Sometimes, rarely, I’ll find someone - someone who moves me, touches me in a way I have been starving to be touched, and that is when I am reminded, that when you finally do find that one thing, that one person, that one something to really give a shit about, it betrays you, and you’re left again with nothing to care for, no reason to carry on. 

And so I walk, one foot then the next, day after day, year after year - searching high and low for something, anything, that gives me a reason to stay.