I’ve been suffering with anxiety for the better part of 10-13 years. Severe childhood trauma, abuse, and poverty set me up real nice. 

On a good day, I overthink my interactions, dread and worry about my loved ones, constantly obsess over bad things happening to me. The usual. It’s not fun by any means, but I’m very used to it. I’ve never been medicated so this is my normal.

On top of the…state of the world lately, The state I’m in is in the middle of a 2 week record breaking heat wave that is unrelenting. I’m also going through major life issues that could derail me, but I won’t hear the news until months from now, if this year. Naturally, I feel like I’m going insane. I do not say it lightly, I seriously am just so close to falling apart at the seams. I don’t feel like a danger to myself, but I do not feel like *caring* for my health or appearance. Fortunately, my spouse keeps me going and inspires me to look presentable for work. 

Realistically, I know therapy should come first before medication but holy shit I am just desperate to feel something other than this. I feel so raw. I’m so fucking tired. 

There are good things happening in my life. I’m safe, I’ve been through and could still be so much worse. And it all gets eclipsed by this rotting brain of mine. 

Anyway, just needed to vent. Thanks.

TLDR: anxiety sucks and I feel like I’m (yet again) at a breaking point.