I've always sort of known, so it really didn't surprise me. But with the confirmation now I have a string of self doubt. I'm always doubting my decision making now. Doubting myself. Wondering if my decisions are being influenced by whatever state I'm currently in. I'm on medication but I've only been on it for a month. My doctor says it seems to be helping but I still feel as unstable as ever. I'm scared of living life this way, always second guessing myself. I look back at all the decisions I've made and wonder how much of it was influenced by my illness. It's been a really long few months for me. I lost my mother to addiction at the end of June, I got diagnosed in August, my marriage has been rocky for a long time. Things feel like a tornado. On the flipside I've also been doing better for myself. Eating better, making friends for the first time in years. I finally got my ged, and I'm going to school in a few months. I just get so tired of feeling so super up and successful to feeling incredibly low. I'm having a low period right now, that much I can tell. But identifying my ups and downs hasn't really helped me as much as I thought it would. It just made the knowing of the cycles all that more prominent and leering. I feel fried.