Like, there'll be a period of everything being fine, but then a small thing happens, your brain blows it waaay out of proportion, and you think someone is out to get you/hates you. You confront them about it, then the next day you regret everything and start going on and on the everyone about how abusive you are and how everyone should cut off contact with you immediately.

This has been happening... quite a bit for me the last few months, and I hate it. I hate jumping to conclusions that people hate me only to give them a reason to hate me. And I really hate the aftermath where I feel the only right thing to do is tell everyone how awful I am so they know they're not safe around me. And then I have to adjust to the new normal with less people willing to stay in contact with me than before. I'm autistic, I'm already bad enough at dealing with change. Self inflicted shit like this is even worse.

I'm especially terrifed that one day my FP (my chosen sis) is going to see me doing this and decide that I'm too much of a spoon drain and too unstable and toxic to be around and she'll stop being my sis :( I just want this all to stop, I want to go back in time to before I fucked everything up and undo it