A year ago, I broke up with my ex of 2n a half years, around about the same time I started talking to my most recent FP. He's a friend of mine from 4 years ago, we met on tinder but at uni because at uni u go on there to meet ppl as well like.. anyway we had sex for the first time last June and since then he was immediately my favourite person... anyway I ended up changing him a bit for the better .. I already liked him but being around me he became sweeter and we started being more romantic.. the last time we hooked up was last august and since then snap chatting talking about deep shit and bullshit and sexting.. we have been in lockdown for half a year.. anyway he knew I had BPD and at the end of january I said to him that I feel romantic and i cant keep talking if he doesn't feel the same because i need to put a stop to my 100 percent emotions.. i said is it safe to let my feelings develop and he said yes but then flared up and said he wasn't ready for a relationship and i said let's date it's not gf bf yet because i can't be friends with benefits either.. so we dated and first time after lockdown went on a 5 day trip together which was nice but my period came and i get them bad and anyway we shouldn't have gone on such a long trip.. i was scared i wouldn't see him cause of lockdown so we rushed an airbnb instead of a hotel a month later... i wanted to fuck lol.. anyway two days after the trip we was distant and a week later broke it off and then a month later we met and talked faces to face and he said he doesn't think we should pursue a romantic relationship but we could stay friends but i stayed i can't talk at all cause my emotions will stay and i will obsess over him anyway i kind of made it so that it was a clean cut but he said i can do what i can to feel better for my bpd he aknowledged that he likes me but the bpd is too much and that hurt like fucking hell cause i can't control that even tho i try to be good anyway ive realised i miss him a as a friend but i think i have made it kinda hard we haven't talked for a month now but i want him as a friend but i think maybe i should teach him a lesson by not talking for longer even tho i'm suffering more because he did confuse me by nearly dating me and then pulling out but in hinghsgight i was afraid of abandonment amd losing my favourite person so i wanted to dates them to keep them around even tho he wasn't ready for it.. should i message "i miss you, we can put the rest behind.i just want my friend back. " and then establish boundaries.when should i .. what's ur opinion .. i'm vat the bottom of the barrel atm mentally