(cw: brief reference to sexual assault)

I'm a reporter and have worked for a local newspaper for about 4 years. it's really all I'm qualified to do.

these days, I mostly cover crime. I wouldn't say I like the beat, honestly. I spend all week reading and writing about terrible things.

lately I've been covering a brutal sexual assault case. the defendant and accuser are both minors, so it's an especially sensitive subject.

it's my paper's policy not to name minors in situations like this, so even though the defendant is being charged as an adult, he's not named in my stories and I've taken great care not to include any details that could be used to identify him.

I'm reporting only what is presented in court -- evidence from both sides, testimony, etc. no editorializing at all. the language of my stories is as neutral as possible. just laying out what happens in court.

still, I'm being bombarded by the defendant's family and friends (mostly friends of his parents). they're calling me nonstop to scream at me for "trying to ruin a good boy's life," emailing my editor to complain about my "one-sided reporting," spamming the comments of the paper's Facebook page, etc.

I understand where they're coming from, honesty. they believe he's innocent and they're upset at the situation. they don't have access to his accuser, or the cops who investigated, or the prosecutors who charged him, or the judge who signed a warrant for his arrest, or the witnesses who are testifying against him.

but they have access to me, the reporter covering the case. so they're taking out their anger on me.

I think this would be difficult for anyone to deal with. but my BPD is making it an absolute hell. for me, few things are more painful than people getting angry with me or feeling like I'm doing a bad job. and it's just constant now.

I'm in a downward spiral. I want to stop existing.