**Rant commencing.**

BPD. Often feels as close to pure hell &amp; we feel we are so hard to love. There’s two people inside of us fighting non stop. It's draining and painful internally and externally. This often results in intrusive Self detrimental thoughts often feeling so entirely true when it clearly isn't and I feel as if there's no way out. Sometimes not often does the mood change quickly being in this state. it can fluctuate from minutes, hours to months, in some cases I sit and think back after crashing and think WTF i can feel as though i've been under a trip as it feels  but it's quite obviously impulsive, manic and aggressive behaviour within those periods which continues this cycle of self doubt, hate &amp; anger ranging in extreme lows &amp; highs. I would explain this to be the most trivial part within my personal experiences. it's a constant battle, i have two flickering light bulbs in my thoughts signalling at all times at the same time i don't know how to explain this without tripping up but i'll try best…I feel as though my identity shifts within these moments  the most because I struggle within; so deeply that I forget my core being… in what i truly feel and think because if I'm hating/regretting my decisions then obviously I'm not consciously making them right?.I question myself daily but the answer feels as though it's a lie or wrong which isn't always necessarily the case. I am repulsed with myself looking back at these times.    

After being outwardly aggressive angry and depressed i start turning emotions inward and sitting in my self loathing till I literally explode psychotically.

NARC?,BIPOLAR?,PSYCHOTIC?,DELUSIONAL?

no conclusion ill be back......

**not always do i feel this way just these last two years prominently &lt;3**