 

Diagnosed BP three years ago after a decade of depressive episodes.

Prescribed Lamotrigine which definitely did help to stabilize things outs but came with some negative side effects. Six months ago I tried to wean off under doctor supervision but it did not go well, eg. bad depression and horrible withdrawal symptoms, so now I am staying at 75mg. I know that this is a relatively low dose but somehow I still feel off.

I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this:

As opposed to having full-blown depression I often feel just 'meh' now with this lingering feeling of what I can only describe as low-level disappointment or something, as though nothing 'shines' or gets me excited anymore. I feel mentally slower as well (lost for words sometimes, decision making can be tough, and I am an otherwise intelligent individual so this is not normal for me). My creativity and drive has also been shot: I REALLY miss the times when I could crush out work with endless energy while feeling like the king of the world...

So in other words, I traded out the major depressive episodes (and incredible periods of self-esteem and productivity) for a base-line feeling of boredom and mental fatigue. I'm not so sure that this is an improved way to live. It's hard to explain but while loved ones say that I am more stable within my own body I don't quite feel my true self.

Has anyone else experienced this? Any tips for how to deal with this and how to re-ignite the fire within when the drive just isn't there anymore? Thanks in advance.