One of my coworkers is throwing a Halloween party tonight. Basically everyone I work with is going. Everyone has been begging me to go for the past 2 weeks and I kept saying "yeah Ill go" - I even actually wanted to go for a minute. But in the back of my mind I knew I'd end up bailing. I always do. I so desperately want real friends yet I put in no real effort. I used to have so many friends growing up, but now it's like I'm emotionally unable to connect with people? Like it's just not worth the time or energy to me anymore. Im becoming increasingly more worried that I will die alone. 