A week ago I was rolling down deep in the burning pit that is anxiety, with my mind jumping from one inmediate solution to another being uncapable fo dtopping the beating in my aching heart or the feel of massivd amounts of codeine flowing through my brain veins. I felt like I was gonna be stuck forever in a deep hole of extreme anxiety due to said anxiety itself. I could make a solution in seconds, but it felt like fighting against someone who was using the power you spent on it against yourself and not knowing how to tackle it.

Then... I decided to accept anxiety as part of myself. Yes, I am over demanding. Yes, I am anxious and will most likely be it to a degree for a sizeable amount of time. I felt relieved and anxious at the same time, but the first emotion was the one that I had yearned for so much in a while. This made my brain notice that it was pointless to fgiht against it, or my constant demanding atittude in the sense that I need to provide an answer to my inability to come up with an answer.

As I said, it sucks at first and you are gonna feel more anxious, like letting said rival trap you and throw away the key... but then it is not that big of a deal. I would feel like shit when being euphoric and sunny (shich is tegularly a part of my attitude) because I felt likr there was a corner of my brain refusing to cooperatr with the experience, not enough to ruin my day but I felt like I was getting a B+ in happiness when there was no discernible rrason for me to attain a A+. Over the days whoever that sentiment od acceptance made it so anxious moments werent as big of a deal... also it spilled over to other areas of self doubt since I really dont have to care if I fuck up something, my brain isnt gotta betray me as much. Key word here, it will take time for it to fully take effect. But even when I first came up with the answer (funnily enough, I keep thinking about it when I noticed that my heart hadnt inmediatly stopped down I would start worrying more) I felt like I was for the first time taking a right step, because it is not like I could fight against the bridge if it felt. If my brains wants to do that, I will let it.

I know that this might not be helpful for everyone and is most likely tailored for those of us with the ouriboro anxiety type (cant stop feeling anxious because I feel anxious, so you get morr anxious) but I cant believe that I felt so free in months.