I dropped the ball on getting my official ASD stamp but I am autistic.  I've been coming to accept that my existence is hated.  I've know for years that I get more annoying when I'm anything except a little unhappy, but I'll never pass as normal enough for anyone to want to be around me.  Keeping myself has been a reflex for so long that I can't shut it off; part of me thinks it's my obligation to be unhappy so that I am only a little annoying.

I also have no practical use.  After getting PTSD that was never treated, I haven't tried to work.  Not that I was able to hold a job for long before.  A low-grade hoarding problem also made it too hard to keep up with cleaning and I wasn't able to get help.  The last few years with my husband was him getting annoyed because there was too much stuff to do anything, but he wouldn't let me get rid of things.  Now I'm stuck with my mom who also has a hoarding problem and I can't carve out enough of a clean space to focus.  That might not even be the problem.  I was put on an ADHD drug and couldn't get my shit together to get a refill, but I think it was one that rarely works for adults anyway.

I'm also fat, but I think I got a bad psych drug absorbed into my system so any time I don't eat enough, I risk it leeching back out and making me crazy, which is what I think partially happened the last few days.