I try not to drink during the week due to my history of alcohol dependence. I had a weak moment tonight &amp; am now looking at a photo album I created in my phone of my favorite moments of 2018. Its crazy how all the people in those photos are no longer in my life. 

I’m turning 30 in a month. Is this what I have to look forward to forever? Running from ruined relationships? 

I always delete all photos of past SO’s (due to the terrible breakups) so I don’t remember. Never thought to delete the photos of friends. This was the feeling I was trying to escape by deleting the photos of my exes. Now I spiral into a depression that will last 2 or 3 days? I hate living like this. I’m not a bad person. I don’t really want to live anymore though.

 I used to tell my exes when I was drunk that I wouldn’t live to see 30. Was that foreshadowing? I have 37 days....