Hi, I'm 18 yr in my last year of high school. I constantly feel like I always choose the wrong option in the. I'm taking a gap year from school next year to try and figure out my life while working, and then hopefully go to uni. however I didnt applied for any scholar ships, as I figured I would apply for them next year when I have have my life figured out more. now I feel like I should of applied for them this year and that now my life is going to fall apart and I'm going to die. I know it's stupid, but one of the main reasons I want to go to uni is to broaden my horizon in a bigger city. I live in a small town that doesn't much, and I haven't had many opportunities (tho that probably sounds like an excuse, and i guess it kind of is). I want to make new friends and find my group of people. I have friends in school and friends I hang out with out of school, however I don't have a group of friends or anything. I feel quite lonely alot of the time, even tho I have a pretty great family whose always there for me. my best friend as recently gone on holiday forever/moved away, idk even know anymore, so that probably makes it worse. I'm pretty introverted and normally just like to sit at home, but lately have felt like this is going to "stunt" my growth of something, so I'm trying to get out more and ask my friends to hang out and stuff, but I never feel like anything I do is enough. I'm afraid of being lonely when I'm older, which I know is an irrational fear but idk. I just wanted to learn how to be happy and love myself in my gap year next year, but now I feel like I've ruined my life. I have hobbies and stuff I wanted to get more into next year too, like gardening , maybe learn how to paint, go biking and hiking more, join the archery club that might be getting started in town. i often worry that maybe im just boring or something, and maybe that is the case. idk writing all this out makes everything seem pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but for once in my life I just want to be content, I want something stable in my life, everything just always seems to come and go. everyone always just expects so much of me as I'm one of the smartest in our small school, but I don't care about being the best of the best and getting into the most prestige uni, I just want to be happy