This is probably going to sound weird, but I just want to know if I’m the only one. Here’s the situation: I have a girlfriend who I love very much, and she’s had things really rough. She has anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, ADHD, an autoimmune disease, asthma, scoliosis, childhood trauma, the list goes on and on. My life hasn’t been a piece of cake either. I’ve been lower-class my whole life, my dad went to prison for drug abuse, my parents are divorced, I was raised in an emotionally abusive household, and I’ve struggled with depression, OCD, and anxiety since middle school. But ever since I met my girlfriend, I’ve felt guilty for not suffering as much as her. I feel like she’s “one-upping” me in a way. She’s got it worse, so I have to be the strong one. I felt so guilty that I even gave myself an eating disorder on purpose closer to the start of our relationship because I felt that I should feel the pain she felt. I recently started cutting after she opened up to me about her self-harm. But I feel like I’ll always have things too good compared to her. She’ll always be sicker. I can’t allow myself to be happy when I know that she’s in so much pain. The guilt is overwhelming, and since my family has forced me to recover from my eating disorder, I feel like she’s just got one more suffering point on me now. She’s nothing but supportive and loving and she would be heartbroken if she knew how I felt. But my mental health has never been worse. I just don’t know how to deal with this. Am I a bad person for feeling so competitive when it comes to suffering? Am I crazy for wanting to be in pain because it’s the only way to make the guilt go away? How do I stop feeling this way?