Hello all,

I have been dating my bf for about 3 years or so. We have a long distance relationship, and see each other about once a month. He has untreated BPD. 

I broke up with him last year mostly because my family dislikes him very much, but also bc I was getting sick of our relationship (it was toxic and negative in many ways). We still talked daily, all day, like when we were dating. For the entire year we were broken up, he was extremely suicidal, self harming and wanting me back. He starved himself and lost 40 lbs, and often talked about killing himself with a gun (which is easily accessible to him, in his home). I slowly started to miss our relationship, and he kept telling me he changed, and would treat me so much better etc etc. I decided to get back together with me and I thought "Okay, this is forever now. I'm in this relationship again, and I cannot leave ever again." It was a hopeless reaction, which should have been telling to me.

We have been dating for 6 months, and last night, I realized I am not physically or romantically attracted to him, and have not been for a while. I love him so much, but as my best friend, like we were before we started dating. I never look forward to kissing him, or having sex with him, etc. I am not physically attracted to him, and his personality is lovely, but not one that I look for in men I want to date. I also have been fantasizing about life with other men (fictional, irl, celebrities, etc). While I was lying in bed last night, I realized that I do not love him anymore. I never thought I would ever do this again, but I need to be true to myself and insure I am happy, not sacrifice my life to make sure he is happy and doesn't hurt himself. 

This is where I am looking for advice. I plan to break up with him next week, over the phone. I want to tell him something like "I realized that I love you as a best friend, not as a boyfriend. Because of this, I need to break up with you." I know he will begin to cry and scream, and will be begging me to stay etc. I will then tell him we need to have a period of no contact. How long should we be no contact? I'm thinking one month, even though I will miss him so much. I think a month will be a good starting point and help him a heal a little.

Any other advice to make it easier for him would be much appreciated. Thank you so much.