I always have a constant fear of missing out on things. Im going into my 3rd year of uni and Ive recently got a new job but every time i have some sort of commitment like this I get so nervous about missing out on fun things. Im also constantly fucking worried my partner is growing tired of me or not attracted to me. We went out the other night with some of her work mates and there was some guy there who was pretty good looking and really funny, and I just couldnt help but get so jealous watching her laugh at this guy. I completely trust her to never cheat but in that moment I felt so threatend by the fact that she might have just found someone who she'd be better with. Why can't I just enjoy myself without these shitty thoughts. Im on medication but here I am in my room alone on a Friday night with a sick butterfly feeling in my stomach for the last 4 hours. I genuinely cant be fucked anymore it makes me just want to fuck off somewhere and start over. It always happens after dinner when I literally have nothing else to do. My girlfriend is at work, all of my mates have either gone home from uni or are in my hometown and I just feel like I cant enjoy my own company like I used to. I tried reading I just couldnt focus, I tried playing a game but got bored, Its just a constant scroll on social media until I either fall asleep or go see my girlfriend. I hate not being able to be happy on my own like I used to be before University. It sucks.