CW: mention of suicide

I'm currently experiencing some paranoid anxiety. My workplace has said they have the Sunday shift covered, and I found out they changed the combination lock for the building. I found the latter out because I went there to wait for my brother to pick me up after I got on a wrong bus.

See, I work alone on Sundays, and I have a plan for suicide that involves being at my workplace on a Sunday. I think my supervisor found out, most likely having been notified by police/urgent services.

I'm super scared that I might be let go. If I lose this job, I lose my identity and hope for the future, a hope which is very dim as it is now. My brother (who works in mental health) has said that they can't fire me for mental health issues, but I'm still scared they might find a reason to do so regardless. He says they just won't let me work unsupervised anymore for my safety, that I'm too talented and valuable an employee to be let go. This has not diminished my anxiety in the slightest, unfortunately.

Because I'm so wired and can't sleep, I've decided to stay up into the wee hours of the morning and bake some bread. Challah, or Jewish egg bread, to be specific. I'm desperately trying to distract myself with this time-consuming task, as well as distract myself with movies/TV during the rising and eventual baking processes. My thoughts and heart just won't stop racing despite this.