This was a couple years ago. I had a period of about 2 weeks where I simply couldn’t function. Couldn’t leave my room, couldn’t eat, my waking hours were just a string of back-to-back panic attacks, quite literally. I was utterly desperate. 

I had a sort of epiphany in that time where I finally realised for the first time why people chose to end their lives. Of course I understood before but in a sort of conceptual detached way. This time I TRULY understood. You don’t actually want to do it really, but it’s the only way to make the unbearable feeling go away. It makes me sad to even remember it.

I’m still not completely better, I hardly leave my house but generally I function as best as I can. I can only hope I never return to that dark place.

If you’re in that place or have been there before due to anxiety, I completely understand you. I know how tired you are. But I’m so proud of you and things can and do get better. This is a truly horrible thing, but I’m glad we have a way of knowing we’re not alone.