been off my meds for 5 months today (vrayler an antipsych) cause my psychia told me to. last 3 weeks ive been going through a pack every 2 days and i had to quit last night because it felt like my lungs were gonna collapse on themselves. Still dead on the inside for a year and 5 months now since my last manic episode.

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No emotions bad or good ugly or beautiful divine or satirical just nothing. my current state of existence is just that; existing. No change in sleeping habits eating habits behavioral shifts intrusive thoughts or any noticeable quantifiable change in a year and 5 months.

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Hopefully there is a light ahead for those of us still coming to terms with our condition and the life that now lies upon us in our dreams and days. there is no light in my tunnel, and its going to be a long tunnel. may we all find peace in this life or whatever proceeds if anything in fact does.

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Stay safe and warm friends