Well, this is a odd victory for me, but im gonna claim it as a victory nonetheless.

So I work for a pretty large railroad as a conductor/brakemen/switchman. Been laid off for two years but my first day back was today. Now mind you, my major anxiety and panic attacks have been about my health. You know, heart speeds up when your moving around, think I'm dying, scared nobody will be able to find me, that bullshit. I've been scared to even walk around my very safe neighborhood at times

Well, I stomped around a railyard switching cars for 9.5 hours tonight out of 12. And the only reason 12 wasn't achieved was those Zoloft sweats dehydrated me to the point of getting dizzy and puking in front of my manager (water is kind of hard to carry doing what I do. My fault. But is what it is). This is the first seriously strenuous thing I've done since taking this. And apparently I sweat like a whore in church  during exertion 

But goddamnit. I walked in heat hoping on and off cars for the whole time. And if you would of told me I'd be comfortable enough mentally to do that 8 months ago, I'd say your insane. The only way I can seem to explain it, I feel like I'm starting to finally get my balls back.

But I am going to go find a camelback. Inspectable item for me from now on in this line of work.

I'm not sure why I'm posting something like this. But for some reason I feel proud and wanted to share it with someone.