I feel very much like an addition to everyone else story. I find it so hard to fit in, I feel like a viewer of life rather than an experiencer. Every time I leave the house I feel like I’m playing an insignificant role, like “Woman in cafe 2” that you see in the movie credits. 

Whenever I try and feel more present socially I just feel like I’m so weird and embarrassing. And when my close friends specifically do things to include me, like inviting for dinner for example, I just can’t understand why they’d choose to spend time with me. I’m so in my head every time I’m in anyones company, that I still feel like I’m alone. It feels like my brain is an old computer, processing everything and getting it wrong. It’s so hard to be present. 

It feels like I’m almost human, human passing. But inside I just feel so alien, frightened of connection but craving it. I feel like I’m just too weird and broken to ever have anything normal :/ Does anyone have an tips or advice on how to actually absorb and be present?