I am not condoning self harm at all in this post. It's a very hard habit to get rid of and very destructive. With that being said, I've been struggling with this monster of a habit for five years now. It is very on and off, and everytime I do it I feel even shittier. But its what I feel I deserve to be completely honest. It does stink when you hear someone you love so dearly beg you to not do it again though. Even when they're basically not even awake. It disgusts me and makes me wanna do it even more.