I woke up this morning, and was unnaturallly irritated. After I had gotten ready and went out the door after numerous times being told to hurry up, I went to the car and yelled at the top of my lungs to my sister to shut up. After that I felt so guilty that the one thing that I had told myself I wouldn’t do, which is let my anger get so out of control that something this petty would set me off, and I failed that. I was so ashamed of myself. I apologized to my mom who was there with me and to my sister and took responsibility for it but later today and even right now I feel like I’m going insane. Or more so that my anxiety is telling me that I am and that I need to find a way out of it, but I don’t know how to. I’m trying to relax and calm myself down but the though still lingers in my head. It keeps on asking me the same “what if” questions involving mindless violence and I don’t want it. What do i do? I don’t want to be like my dad who is constantly easily set off in fits of anger. I don’t want to submit to the beliefs of a man that gave me trauma. Every day I see him in the living room and avoid him. Everyday I have that memory of him reminding me of how he would “treat me like a man”. I don’t want to live like this anymore, I just want to leave it behind and be a different person all together.