My 25th bd is in a week. I have never felt so lost. I just graduated from my bachelor's program a month ago, and my transcript is absolutely laughable. It took me 7 years to complete my bachelor's too!! I always wanted to go to grad school, but my sub 3.0 GPA and a messy ass transcript won't get me to any grad programs I like. I've never had a job that pays more than minimum wage. I feel my degree in biochemistry is completely useless. I have no relevant experience in my field and my grades are really bad. The reason for my poor performance throughout school has partly been an abusive household, extremely poor mental health, and my issues with anxiety. I cannot tell you how bad my anxiety got in the last 2 years with exams and tests. Besides that, I think I'm just really lazy. I say this because my family has financially supported me for a huge chunk of my uni education, so I feel privileged and usually can't think of many excuses besides the fact that I'm just lazy. 

I've had mental health issues, especially depression since I started high school. But I've never been able to cope with it well. I only considered seeking counseling during university, but even then could never find a counselor I felt comfortable with. Partly because where I live it can take ages to get an appointment with one. Now I've finally graduated, but it does not feel like an achievement at all. I've made no friends at uni. Literally zero. I didn't even attend my graduation ceremony, because what's the point lol. And to top it all off, I recently broke my arm. Won't go into too many details as to why it happened, but long story short my mom was berating me and hurling insults at me one day, and I got so upset that I went up to my room, shut the door, and punch the wall really hard. So now I've been home for weeks now, and can't even go to my job at Wendy's. So now I'm broke, but have just enough savings to pay off the last bit of my student loans. 

One bright side to all of this is that I have a gf who's been extremely kind to me. If anything she has been my saving grace. But ever her patience with me is starting to run thin. She wants us to move in soon, but the truth is I'm broke at the moment and have no future job prospects. I can't afford to move out yet. And today she told me that this might be the straw that breaks the camel's back for our relationship. And I feel she's completely right to feel that way. She has never asked anything for me, except for us to move in together by the end of the summer. And I couldn't even get my shit together for that. 

Sorry for this giant rant I guess. I just feel extremely lost at the moment. Just now I was pacing around my room like a headless chicken, with no idea where to go. I've not been applying to jobs recently, because I didn't have much luck before. Looking at all of the people I follow on Instagram succeeding just makes things worse. I'm clearly not going to get a decent job with decent pay, and I'm not getting into grad school either. Why even apply? Idk. I'm not looking forward to my 25th birthday at all.