I’m so lost. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I lost the person I was and I don’t even have the motivation to re - find myself in the future. I’m currently 500 miles from home and I don’t want to go back but I have to. I have a girlfriend at home and I have a job and college starts up again in a month and I truly just hopped on a plane to run from my problems. I was so scared of myself I was so manic and now I’m past my breaking point depressed. I’m not eating barely sleeping smoking nic again and drinking after quitting and I can’t even smoke weed to help bc I get to fucking anxious. I’m ruining my future, but I’ve already fucked up so bad there’s a zero percent chance of getting back to my past self right? I seriously haven’t genuinely felt this lost ever. I was trying to get back on medication after giving up on antipsychotics bc those gave me an ED a while back. But every fucking place I call is booked out appointment wise until October-November and I won’t be alive that long seriously. I’m just so hopeless. I’m embarrassed, angry, broke but no motivation to work which makes me feel like shit , ruining my relationship , a family disappointment, Can someone please give me a reason to live at this point