There was this video on youtube I saw a few years ago... Some guy who talked about different personality disorders and what it meant living with them as the SO... I think it was four episodes of a series or something like that and the fourth episode was about bpd... and immediately he was like "people with bpd have the worst kind of disorder, stay the hell away from them!" (mostly paraphrased), because (that's the part that got stuck in my head), we cannot act, we only provoke.
it stuck because if I'm really honest with myself, that's really what I do most of the time, and most importantly, how I think.
there have been sooooo many occasions in life where I could have, just like everyone else, *decided* for one thing or another (for example, who I want to be) but instead left it for others to "decide".
and until today I still do it, simply unable to make a meaningful decision, unable to *act* but merely leaving my fate to, in essence, coincidence, and then feeling right in thinking that my fate is just to live in misery because "well, look what fate brought me, it's apparently meant to be that way", while I could have just made a f***ing decision and avoided it in the first place