I don't know if the right words will be able to express what I'm feeling? All I know is that I am beyond depressed. Things are beginning to feel numb. When I cry it's no longer accompanied with memories or thoughts. My body is now just instinctively releasing tears with no facial movement nor sound. The pain in my chest is a constant pressure that occasionally feels like it's an eruption. Similar to what we see during a solar flair. My mind is shutting down in some aspects to focus on the basic functions my body needs to just survive at this point. I wonder how much more damage this vessel can sustain before a catastrophic shutdown? I actually look forward to that moment so that I can finally have absolute peace.