Just for some backgrouned, I'm a 27 year old woman who's struggled with BPD since my early teens. I met a man about 2 1/2 months ago and we pretty much immediately got together...about a week after I ended an extremely toxic, codependent, and quite abusive relationship that lasted 10 years. You read that right, 10 years. I was with my ex from the ages of 17-27 and immediately after walking away from him, jumped right into the next relationship.

I tried really hard not to do what I always do, I've hardly been single since the age of 15...which also means I've attracted more than my fair share of the absolute worst people for me, which has left me with a lot of trauma when it comes to romantic relationships. I knew I wasn't in a good place to start a new relationship, I had barely even begun to heal from the past decade of shit.

But this man, he is so perfect for me. Things started out great which led to us taking things a bit fast and now it feels like I'm starting to ruin things. The pink cloud has faded and now all I can do is constantly worry that I'm disappointing him, I'm not who he thought I was because I was kinda manic when we met, or worse...that he's been lying to and using me like all of the others did, he's going to cheat or leave me for another woman, etc. And I can tell it's starting to bring him down, he's starting to get annoyed by my paranoia and constantly having to reassure me, and to be honest I think I remind him of his mom (I think he said she has BPD) who he has a complicated relationship with.

How do I not screw all of this up? A big part of me knows that he's been completely honest with me, but I can't stop the never ending barrage of negative, intrusive thoughts.