I had my first day back at work today for over a year. It was stressful but I’m proud of myself for everything I accomplished. Getting out of bed, getting dressed, I even managed to put some makeup on!!!

I wanted to celebrate by spending the night with my fp. I was looking forward to this because I needed to release some of that stress that had built up throughout the day lol

I was supposed to be there in half an hour and he just called and cancelled cause he didnt sleep last night and he’s tired (which he didn’t tell me until now)

And now I just feel a total shift. Like none of the good stuff that happened today matters, all is shit. 

I keep thinking he doesn’t want to see me. Like there’s someone else. Someome better. Like I’m not good enough to meet. And now I just want to die. 

Tldr: I went from feeling so proud to feeling like a total failure.