I deactivated my Facebook months ago but I kept Instagram and TikTok as an attempt to keep socializing but honestly all it did was make me feel awful. I haven't spoken to anyone in months on social media. I see pictures of how happy they are and see people getting together and all I can think is how alone I am and how nobody talks to me. TikTok didn't help either. All it did was show me sad videos constantly and videos of other people with BPD getting thousands of comments and the support I never received. I tried making my own videos in an attempt to find a safe place and meet people like myself but I'd get one like, if that. I'm 29 and it shouldn't matter as much as it does to me and it made me feel like a child throwing a tantrum because it wasn't fair and I felt like they only got that support because they were pretty edgy teenagers and it woke me to the realization of just how many people fetishize mental illness making me hate myself even more.

I just want to get better and I hope removing myself from these apps will make it easier.