Hi friends, I'm a little embarrassed because I feel like I'm attention-seeking by posting this, but I'm kind of keeping this information to myself and my boyfriend (no family), so I figured I'd share sort of anonymously with other people with similar experiences. I've felt alone in my struggles often and constantly questioned whether or not I was dramatizing the things I think, feel, and do. I've been gaslighted a ton by my parents. So it's nice to have a community that understands.

So anyways, today my therapist confirmed my diagnosis of BPD after mentioning it every session prior. Interestingly, I was actually the first to suggest to her that it might be a possibility after doing lots of research in my spare time. At first, she asked me some questions about my symptoms and wasn't convinced by my responses. Eventually, when I got to some of my other symptoms she hadn't asked about yet, then she was like "Okay yeah, now that's starting to sound like BPD." I suppose it's because I align more with the "Quiet" subtype and have my little breakdowns in a more concealed, internal way. She agrees that I'm more on the mild end of it. (No shame at all if you have a more severe case!)

This was my last session with her before starting IOP with another behavioral health center. I'm glad to finally be able to put one word to my symptoms because it drove me crazy not knowing what was wrong with me and why I couldn't seem to cope with certain things. I did a lot of excessive, restless writing to try and figure myself out and organize my thoughts. Maybe now I won't do that as much.

But this journey towards healing will be strange. I'm so used to my ways at this point, but now I'll be working on changing them. I should want that, but it's a bit nerve-wracking to think about.

So, yeah... Thanks for reading (:

TLDR; I was diagnosed with BPD today and I'm relieved to be able to put a name to my experiences. I'm a little unsettled by the idea of healing because I'm so tied to my current ways of thinking, feeling,  and coping, but I'm going to try anyway.