i've shown a lot of symptoms in the past but i just don't know what to do. im diagnosed with severe depression but i don't have therapy or meds because my parents don't care. i actually want to kill myself just to get rid of my own thoughts. i get severe dissociation all the time, i push all my friends away because i think that they deserve better than me and then cry at night because i'm lonely. i'm poison. i'm a parasite. i'm ruining the life of my only friend who hasn't left yet. i should cut them off before they get hurt but i'm selfish so i still haven't. i feel stuck because if i cut them off, they will get hurt, but if i don't, i will mess up eventually and they will get hurt either way. i'm ruining their life. to be honest, i completely don't blame the people who have already left me. at least now they will have better lives without me. please don't try to disagree, you can't and won't change my mind. i want to know whether it gets better and if so, how.