It’s too hard to explain so whenever anyone asks how I am I just say good or ok. Knowing I can’t explain it anyways and talking and saying my true feelings will only make things worse. 

Society is a meat mincer and I’m starting to not want to be a part of it. I have zero trust in the federal government or any state but I’m addicted to the candy the state supplies me. I’m addicted to the wealth and the ease of the privileged life I lead and I hate myself for it. I really do. And people will just think this is some white guilt shit but it’s not. It’s that I’m not neurotypical. That’s really what it is. It’s what my whole life has boiled down to. Or maybe not and I’m just a narcissist. 

I realized it’s very dangerous for mentally unhealthy people like me to be curious. It’s essentially a death knell. I’m honestly getting scared of the power structures in place and anyone that isn’t is just a fool. Just like the state wants us to be. Can’t wait for the people to brigade and call me a sjw that’s overly dramatic and has nothing better to do than write all about the real world that he isn’t really even a part of. They are right.