It's a trait I want to stop. I really want to take up swimming but ontop of my anxiety I'm self conscious about many things there as well. I know the "just go and do it" is the popular mentality but I want to be able to ENJOY it. forcing myself to do it doesn't help either and the more I do things doesnt help. It's been a constant battle, anxiety abut going out doing literally anything, constant anxiety throughout the day till I get home where I'm still anxious because I know I have to do it all again tomorrow.

I got to a point where I just avoid leaving my house now, I work from home so I don't have to leave... I'm honestly more relaxed this way but I'm depressed because I want to make friends, find a partner all that stuff, but the mare thought of leaving the house makes me feel like my heart it about to burst though  my chest. I don't really know what to do, I've tried therapies, every therapist I've had said they can;t help me, been referred to a psychiatric team, drugs didnt work so no joke the ended my time with them aside from drugs they didnt offer me ANY help.... I was in contact with the mental health professional 2 weeks ago in reference to them ending my "care" and they didn't care too much. I mentioned how it feels like I need to have a serious suicide attempt or be successful before they even act like they give a shit,

I honestly just get so angry because the UK constantly bangs on about how "mental health matter" and "you're not alone" yet when you NEED HELP they don't want to give it too you, it's getting to a point I do just want to end my own life.. but I don't want to die, I want to be happy.. but I need help and it's just not there for me no matter where i turn