I was so nervous to do the same thing I do everyday that I almost vomited several times throughout this morning. I later went to therapy, and I think that at least went okay, although I don’t think I’m making any progress whatsoever and I just keep finding ways to discredit everything they say. And then as I was leaving the building, someone was just slightly rude to me, and boom. Spiral. In the span of 30 seconds I went from slightly bad to walking out of there thinking “I’d rather be dead than be me”. It’s so frustrating how things turn so fast and I have no control over it. I don’t see any future for myself because things just keep getting worse and worse and I can’t keep up with it anymore. I hate myself so much and I have no incentive to get better if I could just hide and die instead. Fuck.