I was assaulted physically and sexually by my childhood friends a few years ago, and then bullied and abandoned by the rest of them. After multiple failed relationships, with more toxic people. I let down a lot of other ppl too. My ex best friend and assaulter live two blocks down, and it’s hard to leave the house. I’d only go out in groups, and/or for a purpose never just to enjoy being outside. I never cared much for being outside, but it began to feel like my home was my prison. After losing another bad best friend, and then a fwb who lives the other two blocks away. (They both live on my street). He’s not bad, I just feel afraid to go anywhere near his direction until/if it’s resolved. Truth be told I’ve been scared to go outside for 3 years. 

I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I’m trying to move forward, and wish for the best but not fret if things don’t work out. Today I went on a walk. 

I’ve been wearing the same shoes since before I was assaulted. I rarely dress in clothes I like. My family is out of town, and I decided to get my dog ready, put on new shoes, a comfy outfit, and go for a walk with no reason. I only went around my block. But still it was a big step. It’s daytime!!!! I only go at night. I almost cried before I went out the door. I feel silly but proud.