lately I have been observing its been years I felt happy or something. I feel like a looser, I have failed at eveything in life.and even if I die there's no one who would do my last rites. I just have one aged mother, and the world is such a sad place to be. I went to the topmost collage, took a different path(I used to be passionate about things), it went okay, I lost Intrest, now all I do is spent my 23.50 hours in my room locked up and 10 min of cigarettes. 
life is indeed meaningless.