He is not my boyfriend, but we are as a couple.  We both agreed early on that we don't need to use a word to describe our feelings.  Recently our relationship was filled with rancor, anger and FIGHTS.  I was noticing more and more how he got tired of me even though he says no.  I have problems with my suicide attempts and he feels like I'm dragging him with it.  He thinks that if he leaves me I'm going to kill myself.  A few days ago he felt very frustrated and very bad and said that he could not bear all this, that he did not see hope for "us" (although the night before he had told me that he did have it).  That same day I told him that if he couldn't bear this that it was best for us to break up, but he was so upset that he hung up the call and he blocked me from everything and well ...  before I tried to tell him that I was going to his house to fix things and he said no.  
On the night of that day I found a way to reach him, he said it was okay to talk to clarify some things but he needed time.  Yesterday due to an anxiety attack (I thought idk why he was dead) I tried to write to him elsewhere to see if he was okay and he answered me, he said yes and I took the opportunity to ask him how long that time would be, he told me he did not know.


the point is that he was the only “real” person I had, right now I am alone, I have no one to talk to and the spiral of thoughts gets bigger and bigger.  I heard that time makes you realize if you really love someone, but what if he realizes that he is better off without me?

(Any advice, plz)