I feel like the only "ending" to my life is suicide, I dont think Ill ever live a happy life, I'm 17 and I havent been to school in 6 years, I havent had friends since I was 10, my parents are the worst and theyre seperated, I live in a shithole apartment where everything doesnt work which we havent paid rent for in 6 months and I feel embarrased going outside bc the landlord is my neighbor, we can barely afford food, we're poor, and I cant get  a job yet. I feel like my life is only constantly getting worse and that there is no escape from it, like im trapped under a dark cave. Everyday I feel worse and worse, Im slowly losing hygeine, I either dont sleep at all or sleep day, I dont have any energy to do anything anymore.

 I keep thinking that I was just born to die and nothing else, to die from suicide, I honestly don't want to die yet, I still want to have my own family, the one I didnt have and to have the life Ive always wanted to have but I just want to rest, and I think that maybe killing myself was always supposed to happened, that I'm predestined to end my own life. I'm more scared of mine and my sister's future, I am not scared of dying anymore, If anything I accept it and I want my death to come sooner. Im tired, Im very exhausted