i’m almost 100% sure that if i ever truly acted organically around anyone they could never love me. i mean i hate myself so much but at the same somehow make everything about me. in reality i’m really a shitty person and i dont think i’ve ever truly been myself around anyone. i mean i don’t even know who she is. have i really ever had a SELF? i’m so emotionally detached or overbearing and so i’ve never really genuinely been venerable. i just feel like i would be so hard to love. i have no real self and if i were to truly act how i felt i would be hated.