Admittedly, much like many others I imagine, the pandemic has exacerbated every one of my negative feelings toward myself.
I consider myself lucky in many ways. I have a job in which when I can focus on it I love and can be very rewarding. Many would/do want a job like mine.
Health wise, I'm doing okay. I could lose a few pounds and generally be in better shape, but I'm not in any state that affects my general mobility or day to day tasks.
But, I'm approaching 40 and feel like I don't have a good reason to try at life anymore, and I find it harder and harder to avoid this feeling.
I'm not in a relationship, I have no kids or dependents, my friendships seem to be drifting away as we no longer see each other, regardless of any efforts to keep communication going. So why do anything?
When I have tried to dip my toe into the dating pool it seems to only be about looks these days and people seem to write you off quickly because there are plenty of other fish they can swipe over to. It feels like I'm too old or too ugly to even consider. So why even try? Covid has pretty much killed any idea of meeting someone while being active.
I don't know what to do anymore. I just stare at the walls or ceiling after work these days.