Small context: my ex and I broke up a little over a month ago because it wasn't working out, we were barely spending any time together anymore and I'm still not sure if it's me (my friends have said it isn't though) but it felt like he much preferred hanging out with his friends than spending time with me. It literally came to the point where we just hung out once a week despite all the times he's promised we will do it more. Anyway, it ended up being a bad breakup because I got mad that he didn't even seem to care. We were basically opposites, he was diagnosed  with PDD-NOS when he was young and I'm a huge feeler and overly emotional. He even had his friend come and send me a horrible message which even almost drove me to suicide.

I tried to make amends with him, I wanted things to be fine again without any tension. And it did, we became friends and started talking again. That didn't remove the hurt that came from our relationship, though. A lot of the times I still find myself being jealous and mad at him because he praises and spends time with his friends like there's no tomorrow. Especially to my ex-best friend whom he sees as a sister (who I also still think about a lot, our friendship ended horribly too. It ended not long after my ex and I broke up). It literally feels as if they've both abandoned me to be with each other. She'd promised me a lot of things that I ended up waiting years for, only to learn that she's going to do them with my ex this Christmas like.. *sigh* I find it really hard to connect with anyone so losing the two of them was like a double stab in the heart. They were the only friends I had, too.

I don't know what to do, I want to get away but I still feel drawn to him. But everytime I look at him I get reminded of my ex-best friend who had seemingly replaced me for him, and all the things my ex and I had together and how all of that is lost despite it being over a month ago.