A friend from school started texting me less and randomly stopped watching my snapchat stories, when she always used to. When I saw her at school everything was normal but I noticed she was fixated on editing photos of her and her other friends. So it tells me she has been preoccupied with other friends. My brain is registering this as this person doesn't really care about me and decided to discard me as soon as her other friends showed up again in her life. Also I bought her starbucks the last 2 times and she never returned the favor even though she said she would. I feel like this person thinks I'm dumb and is just using me to kill time whenever her other friends discard her. Thinking that this person doesn't really care about me and she probably thinks she's better than me because she has more friends.

I frequently have thoughts like this, if something feels off about someone or they're interacting with me slightly different than before then I assume that they have had malicious intentions all this time and that I shouldn't trust them. I can recognize it though and mostly just suppress it I don't act on it. But I have burned MANY bridges in the past acting on my unfound paranoid suspicion of others.

I've suspected I've had BPD for over 10 years but constantly doubt myself. I've gotten a better handle over my emotions as I've aged (I used be very emotionally violent especially as a child) but I still have strong distrust of others and relationship paranoia (with everyone) under the surface that I try to suppress.