 I don't want to get married or be in any sort of relationship, ever. I'm young, and when I express these feelings to my peers and elders, they explain to me that it is completely normal for me to feel these things at 16 years old, but they do not completely understand. 
 I have been used for sex in past relationships but I don't believe that this is the reason for these feelings I am having. Although I have been in love twice, I did not enjoy my relationships. I don't think it was due to being in a relationship with the wrong type of people, either.
 I am in love with a boy that I have loved since I was literally 11. We used to be Best friends, I pushed him away and he pushed me away for reasons I don't know but it was likely do to my BPD. I make no effort to be with him because I don't want him to be with me. If my life situation was normal, than yes, of course, so be it. But I love him too much to expose him to my BPD, I don't want him to have to deal with somebody so difficult. It will hurt like fuck, but he deserves to be with somebody else who won't hurt him.
 Relationships are not good for me when they're over either, anybody who becomes involved with me in any way, shape or form always eventually leaves me, and it's very easy for it to push me over the edge depending on how much the relationship meant to me. I don't want to end up dead after a relationship and have the other person believing it to be their fault, no matter what they may have done to me or I have done to them. 
 The same with having children. I would love to have children, but I don't think I ever will because I feel like I would ruin their lives with my terrible genes, by passing down my multiple disorders (My father also has BPD along with Aspergers like me.) and if they didn't end up with them, kids in later generations would. Adoption is always a great option, but I don't want to ruin a child's life who already had a shitty life before me. Anybody else feel this way?