I feel I’ve ruined my life so utterly and every attempt I make at making it right just falls flat. And I am really tired of fighting. I don’t want to die but also I’m not really living. I’ve ruined my health to the point it won’t be surprising if I die suddenly. I can’t seem to fix things. I don’t have the energy or the will. I don’t see my life getting any better, it just continually gets worse - so I’ve stopped trying. 

Sorry, I had to vent somewhere, I don’t want my loved ones to know these things.