This is the third time in my life that I've been unemployed or underemployed. I feel so purposeless. My days are so unstructured. I waste so much time, and I'm so unmotivated. I feel my life has been a complete waste and I want it to end.

The first time I was unemployed, it was due to the dumb luck of not being able to find a job. The second time was due to illness. Now I'm waiting to get released from the military due to health issues. I've been waiting to get released for months and don't know when the idiot beurocrats will finally process my paperwork. I'm stuck thousands of miles away from friends and family, and I'm not free to get another job. Every period of unemployment has been so full of loneliness and boredom that I just don't want to live anymore.

I feel guilty knowing that there are people out there being overworked, and my situation looks appealing compared to theirs. But I don't like it. I'm a hard worker when I'm employed, and I like to stay busy. It's so hard for me to motivate myself when I have no purpose or connections. I want to die so much. I want my wasted time back.