long story short I work at a pet resort, and some shifts I’m on call, and I woke up today around 11:30 to see they called and texted me 3 hours ago to come in for a morning shift. It’s just about the end of that shift now, and I’ve been too afraid to call. I’m too afraid to go downstairs and see my boyfriends parents and to lie or to tell them the truth. I’m too afraid to phone what friends I have left. I’m afraid of lying to people about this because I know they will make me feel more shameful than I already feel, knowing this is me: screwing up again in life, at work, with people. I’m afraid the people at work will be angry. And I want to quit anyways, was planning on it at the end of February anyways, am starting school back up have a semester off next week anyways, and my mom even told me I could quit if it was both too much. I am taking 18 credit hours. But I’m also not even giving work and school a chance. I’m afraid and I just want to walk away from this job. I’ve only been there since the beginning of December, and I already find it incredibly frustrating increasing with every shift I find those flaws that tell me this job will soon be unbearable to me and I have to get out. And I’m so used to the quiet exit. I’m so used to being the quiet person who listens and listens and doesn’t speak. Awkward with people. Bad at keeping down a job. I do have some money, enough money in my account to definitely last me until my move. I suppose I just feel bad about myself for what I’m doing when I’m wanting to try to make this okay when it’s blowing off people and shifts and leaving in a way that will make it more difficult to find a possible job in the future. But I have a potential friend referral. And I’ve always managed to find a job. I just feel shitty and my boyfriend is at work, ok? And he’s going to come home to this: me doing this. 

Thanks for the vent