Hiya so I'm not diagnosed but I've done so much research and found out that BPD seems to tick all the boxes for me and feels like I've finally got actual words to put to how I feel. 

I'm super scared about going to therapy/getting a diagnosis as all i've heard about therapy (if it is BPD) is that I'm essentially just gonna have to make myself feel worse just for the benefit of others. It sounds so selfish but I don't want to do that if you know what I mean. 

I've been distancing myself from everyone recently so I don't feel like I'm messing everything up for everyone else so now I have one person who is actually in my life. I just don't know if I want to do better if that means my feelings are just wrong and that I just have to deal with it.