I don’t know what to do ever since my parents got divorced in April of 2019 my life has gone completely down hill. I’m in grade 10 now and I hate my life more than ever. It started with little things like all my friends getting in the same class together and me being alone with people who I know think I’m weird. Then I just started getting sad out of no where and I started drawing blanks when doing school work and I began to dread waking up everyday. Then only to make things worse in November I found out my Papa had cancer. A little while after we found out it was apparently treatable and that he would have many years left. But then a week after winter break ended in January my mum told me he can’t start treatment anymore and now he didn’t have long left. I got really sad hearing this and I was already really sad at that point. My mum is a nurse so my Papa was able to stay at home while my family helped care for him. I slept at my grandparents house so I could be there to help care. Early morning Tuesday he passed away and it was so hard. I stayed there for two more nights to be with family and it’s so hard watching everyone be sad too. I now feel like life is against me because I was already depressed and then life keeps throwing shit at my face. I also don’t know how I just started becoming dumber in grade 10 all of the sudden like it doesn’t make sense. Over the past few weeks I had even cut my arms but I stopped doing that but sometimes I get the urge to go to again. I find myself always crying and having thoughts telling me I’m worthless. I find it hard to imagine my future now and think about suicide all the time. Now I’m at the point where little things get me sad. I always wonder if I did something to make life hate me and all I want is to be normal like other kids who seem so happy at school and in my first two classes of the day everyone knows each other and then there’s me alone and I can tell sometimes people use like a special voice to talk to me and they talk to me like I’m an animal it almost feels like and it hurts. The only reason I can think why this is because I’m short I’m maybe 169-170 CM and a guy but other than being short I don’t see anything wrong with me. It’s so hard looking back at my life at how happy I used to be and then now where it feels like I’ll be sad forever. I guess why I’m writing this here is because it helps a bit to write it out I don’t care if people read it or not. I feel like I’m leaving so much out too because I can’t concentrate or think straight anymore.