I feel repulsed by the idea of anyone ever loving me, but sometimes I wish I had someone who would bring me a meal or a coffee or something and sit with me for a while.  Then they can just leave if they want. Just something that makes me think at least they don't hate me. They don't have to love me but I don't want them to hate me. My depression gives me no energy to cook or clean so that's why these gestures would make me feel so much better. 

It would be so nice to get a phone call sometimes. Or for me to not have to make the plans. To not feel like I'm wasting their time with my boring existence. 

I honestly don't know if I have friends anymore. I used to have so many friends. Now I just want one and there's no one there.