this weird feeling pops up at least once a month but has been around more often now we're in quarantine, i'll start to get bored of whatever has been occupying me, so then i start to think about other possible things to occupy myself but it all just seems pointless. 

my thoughts start to become "well what's the point in doing X because it won't achieve anything, even if it's productive it won't get you anywhere, you're going to die eventually anyway so what's the point? it's not like you'll ever become XYZ even if you tried, you'll never be able to experience the feelings you're looking for because they don't even exist."

it's like a weird mix of self-loathing and life-loathing, like i've realised i don't actually enjoy doing anything other than lying in bed watching youtube and everything i DO do is some stupid attempt at getting famous or trying to develop a personality. i realise that most people, including myself will have to live a normal life and work in a normal job and i guess life just loses all meaning to me. it's all pointless.

and it just stems from being bored which is the weird part. the thoughts are just plain old bpd i'm sure (and me needing to come to terms with the fact that my life won't be anything special and that's okay), but why it stems from boredom is beyond me :/

anyone else have similar experiences??