f20. I have things I stress about on a daily basis, and while I've never been diagnosed with anxiety I am almost certain it's something I "have". for the last month or so I've been consistently high or drinking and my anxiousness felt less terrible in the sense that when I was freaking out I couldn't feel it as closely to myself, sort of moreso like I was watching and feeling it happening to someone else.

today has been different, for the first time in a month ish today has been terrible. back and forth, back and forth panicking and not panicking. felt like I was going to die on and off all day. felt like I was being crushed and running out of time (out of time to do what? good question.), about an hour ago I think I've finally calmed down for real, but my whole body hurts/feels stiff and I am so tired I almost feel lightheaded. I am worrying it will happen again soon. I guess this is kind of like a vent so that's how I've flaired it. I do not even know what the point of writing this was and am debating backspacing all this so I'm posting before I do. sorry if this doesn't fit in with the sub or whatever idk