Please. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy helping people. But I’m starting to realize that it’s too much and not my responsibility to constantly help. But I don’t know how to stop. I really don’t. I’ve helped my mom with everything, literally 95% of household things and everything else in between for such a long time. This may be long, so heads up. For whoever reads to the end, I appreciate it. Truly. 

For starters I deal with GAD, which is why I have such a hard time not helping, because I seek approval from it. Every single time I don’t help(literally every time), I feel irresponsible and lazy. My mom expects me to do everything because I spend the most time her because I love her and because she knows I’m willing, and because I’ve done this for so long with a fake smile. I don’t know how to tell her I’m exhausted without sounding lazy. Every time I say I’m tired, she says it’s “because of my phone.” She knows I love her and she thanks me when I help her. But I’m so close to being done with it all. 

My brother just got a full-time job, so he’s gone all day, which leaves me to do everything. So I do. But I’m sick of it, even with the small things like closing the blinds, unloading our dishwasher, and getting the mail. One time she pulled the “I/we do so much for you” card on me when I didn’t want to help. It’s such a cycle. My mom barley ask my brother to help with things because she knows he has a job and a fiancé that’s in a roughy family situation. When he works remotely twice a week though,  it almost never helps because he’s used to not helping. My mom knows that, so she never asks him, she asks me. Because she thinks I’ll do everything. I do, but it’s because my brain is programmed to help her. I can’t get out of it. 

Really I help because it’s the right thing to do. Because I want to be a good son. But when I say no, I feel physically sick and lazy afterwards. When my mom does things after I say no, I feel awful that I didn’t help. I naturally help, or at least I used to. But now it’s become normal. I can’t take it. It’s normal for my mom to ask me to do everything and for me to do it. I hate it. 

YesterdayI broke down and sobbed because I felt so mentally exhausted from helping so much. I’ve done it for too many years. Way too many. I don’t know how to get out of this. I’m so done. How? How do I stop? How do I get out of this people-pleasing cycle? I don’t know how. I feel so helpless.