Hey!

I recognized I‘ve been struggling a lot with how other people recognize me and it is important for me how many attention they give me.

I know I am a kind of pretty person. At least a couple people have said that to me in the past. But somehow this is not enough. I need men to get in love with me even though I usually would never have any interest in them. I don‘t want a relationship or anything. I just want affirmation from them. And I hate it so much :( I can not do anything against these patterns. I always recognize me manipulating other men just so they would get in love with me and fall for me. It goes even to the point where I think about having sex with them just so they can further fall for me :(((( But !!!! I have a boyfriend!!!!!! And I love him so freaking much!!! He is the greatest person in the world and I DON‘T want to cheat on him!! I would feel so horrible after doing this and I would hate myself so so so much because I never would want him to get hurt because he is the greatest person on this planet. But still, in the same time, I can not stop showing „interest“ in people from my work for instance or just random people in my insta :( And I am afraid I some day will cheat on him 😖😖😖😖 Please help 😭