So, i mostly choose professions and interest around what i enjoy to do to "zone out" of world, being that computers, arts or similar stuff. I was good at everthing i had interest in untill i got bored and got another obsession, and those obsession seem to be centered around what my favorite people are like, so i don't really feel i own them.

I changed 5 collages in last 5 years and am planning to change it again this year so i don't get stuck on pretty much meaningless college i started i think because my ex was on it and i somehow associated it with feeling of security. And years before i chose collages mostly without thinking as i spent most of last years depressed. But want to do it for real this time.

How did you choose your college? How do you get sure the thing you are going on is "the real one", and not something that is either idealised, or mixature of someone's elses emotions you are empathically feeling (this happens alot). I want to live a normal life, have money and stuff, but i just can either see myself as good as everything, and usually can get good at everything but i eventually loose interest, or like i am never going to do anything i like and once i start doing something i feel like i went into the wrong direction and many important parts of me are going to die out because of this choice - and feel like it's not me. Also i live in country where there are many unemployed and the fact that i will not get a job if i finish most of the majors i consider fun is an another stressor.

I was on some stupid collage i never even wanted, then went on law school where i felt the best, but never studied as i had other preocupations with life, and i wanted to write and be a professor (professor part being obviously an idealisation). Then i went to some random technical college, later on art history that felt like shit and even tho it was interesting i could never see my life based around something i considered so "secondary" and like interesting trivia, and now i am on cultural studies that i don't feel like i deserve to call myself a student. And now i am thinking of either going back to law school, going into marketing or some tech studies. And it's fucking hard to choose what the fuck i really want as durring life i was interested and good at so many different stuff and left them all behind when i started feeling some emotional negativity with it.

Anyone had similar BPD problems? What did you do, and what college did you went on? What do you consider is "what you truly want"?