But i don't want to help myself, so I think i just want attention. I want people to care for me without complain that I do things wrong.

At this moment i'm off work because of a sore throat, I got a "insulation term" because of covid, and thought i would be happy today, but i'm not. I feel so depressed over everything, i feel so empty. My parents blame me so much when i get sick, i'm not the healthiest person in the world, but i'm quite fine. But everytime they get so angry at me, since i was a kid. I'm 23 now, where i work i need to talk for a lot of people, so i got really worried because of my throat.

I like my work, but i don't like working, i'm always tired. I feel like i'm going nowhere sometimes, and when i'm crossing the streets some buses pass in front of me very fast when I'm groing to cross the street, and I'm there in this specific road, where it takes a long time for cars stop passing, i think about jump in front of a bus. I don't wanna die, but i think people would worry about me if i almost died, i think i may die if a bus hit me, but i don't see why i should not do it.

I won't do it, but everyday, coming back of work, i think about it. I'm sorry if i sound spoiled or bratty, i don't talk much about this with people. I have really good people in my life, but i feel alone. I don't know why, and i feel ungrateful for it.

I don't know if everyone is weird or I'm weird, does anyone else feel weird?

sorry for the english mistakes, feel free to correct me.