I keep making up stuff just for the sake of it. It doesn’t benefit me or anything and I have no reason to at all. I keep lying to the people I love purely out of fucking habit and it’s driving a wedge between me and the people strong enough to care for me.

A lot of the time it’s not malicious and is just me making up a harmless story to entertain people so they like me more. But often enough it is though, and when it is I feel terrible, like when I try to get out of trouble for shit that I obviously did and should be held accountable for.

I’ve tried to keep myself accountable to others whenever I do it but it’s so hard to bring myself to. I really want to, I truly don’t want to hurt anyone and feel awful, but every-time I tell myself that I won’t lie ever again I end up falling back on my old habits.

Why do I lie? What’s making me do this? I don’t understand. I don’t gain anything from it and it’s harmed a lot of my relationships with people that I would never wish any harm upon, yet I still do it for even absurdly mundane things.