I'm 36. No college degree, pursued one until a once in a lifetime job opportunity came along. 

I went from making $10 an hour to $55k. I worked 80 hour work weeks. Neglected my fiancee, neglected my friends, neglected myself. But I managed to keep my car payment up to date, paid rent, and student loans. 

The relationship I was in deteriorated. Resentment began to build on my partners end. It was always my job and whatever was left as far as time was hers. I threw money at her to try to keep her happy which only deepened the resentment. 

The company went under. For the first time since I was 18 I was jobless. We had to relocate, which in and of itself was traumatic. In the new place we slept in separate beds. The person we were renting from quit making payments on the house. The December that year we were evicted. 

Long story short, my car doesn't run, the relationship that I thought would last until the day we both died has given up the ghost, and I can't return to school because while I was on unemployment I couldn't afford my student loan payments. 

I'm alone. I've got nothing to look forward to. I see no path to improving my situation because I can't afford to go back to school and I don't have a working car. 

The last few nights I've had terrible and violent dreams about killing myself. Not that I plan to, that's the last thing I want to put people through. 

I see no light. No hope. I'm so depressed I've lost interest in things I used to enjoy like reading, writing, recreational substances, food, sex, you name it. 

I firmly believe I will die alone and unloved. That I am beyond redemption. 

I hate myself with a vitriol that is indescribable. 

I have made a series of mistakes that have brought me to the point of no return. 

I deserve nothing but suffering. I thought that by trying to uplift people in this community I might find purpose or solace. I have found neither and merely confirmed I am not to know happiness ever again.