
I’m trying to stop masking and show people who I really am and it’s been even more disheartening and draining than masking ever has.

 I’ve been slowly letting my true self come out more but it’s been making people visibly uncomfortable. Like where am I meant to even exist? Where I can express myself freely without judgement or hurting people’s feelings, I just want to be. 

All these pressures placed onto us to simply to be allowed to exist, like these unspoken social codes that I’m sick of following, my energy is better spent elsewhere stop demanding things from me without giving back.

I’m burnt out from it all, I spend so much time alone just to have a break from it, I wish I had more friends that would just let me relax and not react badly to it, like I can accept almost every flaw in others but I don’t get the same acceptance in return. 

I try and explain my world view and potential romantic partners still find a way to tell themselves a narrative that brings them comfort while simultaneously forcing a role onto me, “you’re not really crazy, you’re just…” 

I get that it’s “sweet” because they want to see the best in me but it’s invalidating and breaks the olive branch of potentially genuine intimacy I’m constantly attempting to extend. 

 I fall into the role they want and then they can turn around and say I’m a “manipulative liar” once it ends, “she pretended to be someone else! I don’t even know her!” Sob story to vent about to friends blah blah blah.

“Borderlines play a role to get supply from you, they’re evil and aren’t the person you think you love” - No shit asshole, you ask us to be the person and we get tired of fighting it off. 

You’d think the neurotypical people would be self aware enough to recognise their own selfish projections but they’re too busy over analysing us to notice their flaws.

Yes, I fear intimacy but also people reject the real intimate me so it’s not solely my fault I don’t achieve it.