I don't really know where to start so I'll start from the beginning...
I'm an only child and grew up with my single mother and her parents, I didn't like the situation we were in so much, probably because as a kid you don't want to be different so I began to lie and lie and lie so much that it's natural now.
I was bullied as a kid both mentally and physically really hard up until the day I left school, as a very young kid I remember once pretending to play with other kids so that I wouldn't be just on my own, I eventually made a friend but I lied about my family and he found out and that was that. I was very angry too I would often break the walls and doors at home so much that they had to be replaced, I was just a bad kid really with problems that never got fixed as I have such a barrier around me and don't let anyone in ever. I had/have adhd, concentration problems so never did well in school.
Moving on a few years I had met a group of people through work but I was lying about all sorts from having a brother and sister to where I lived, about having a girlfriend, I lied for years about having a daughter and that she died after birth...like wtf!?! I would often pretend to be on cocaine in work too just being mad hyper and really annoying and also that I had a drinking problem for a while too, I'm not sure why but something along the lines of I wanted people to feel sorry for me
So I eventually did have a girlfriend who I moved in with and at around the same time I stopped talking to my family and we haven't spoken or seen each other since, around 3 years now. I was lying to her about cheating on her once and completely lied about my life from where I lived to my family being successful/money/jobs and my entire childhood and adulthood up until that point. Then the anger came back, I hit her twice and she left and my friends found out and that was that.
Now a few years later, in the past year I've probably had 14 jobs in my sector, some I just never showed up to again due to having 0 motivation others I got sacked for things like turning the main power off on the switchboard or binning something important or stealing.
I haven't had a job in 6 weeks now and in that time I've locked myself away from the world and everything outside of my room where I live, I've layed in bed fully clothed on my phone the whole time on YouTube or I was on dating sites pretending to be guys or girls and chatting with different people for weeks, which I have definitely stopped as I got a caution off the police. In the 6 weeks I showered once I think and I only leave my room to buy food or cigarettes and as I look around there's such a mess here of empty packets of all sorts.
I've been to the doctor recently for my depression and anxiety and been given sertraline 100mg which I'm on for around 6/7 weeks now and hasn't done anything yet. I'm waiting to see a psychiatrist to figure out what's wrong inside my head and get the actual help I need but it's getting harder and harder. I have no friends or family and don't know what to do next and slowly going down further and completely lost and confused.