[TW: suicide ideation]

He's a nice guy. I just think he's so full of himself sometimes, and that he's a little toxic towards his partner. I call him out when he's being toxic to his partner but I can't bring myself to tell him the other things, and I don't think I need to. He tends to feel bad about himself when ppl tell him abt his negative traits, like suicidal bad. I am pretty suicidal myself, and I get triggered like hell when he tells me how suicidal he is. I feel bad coz maybe he got triggered too whenever I was like that dati.

The last time he told me was suicidal, I was having a pretty shitty day myself and thinking of offing myself too. I told him maybe death wouldn't be so bad. Then I took that back and told him to go talk to his psychiatrist. I'm just a person who can keep myself under control. I'm no doctor. Heck, I can't even afford a psychiatrist to treat my own mental condition. He even has more friends than I do. I'm sure they'd be more than happy to help.

From then on, I distanced myself from him. I feel bad, coz we've been through a lot. I've known him for almost six years now. I left so many ppl in my life, and so many ppl left me, and I tried to leave him too, but we became friends again and again.

But now, I feel so differently. I feel like this friendship is not healthy for either of us. I want to distance myself from him and my past but he considers me his best friend so idk.

Anyway I just wanted to vent. Thank you.