I am dealing with a great deal of anxiety over returning to the workplace. I haven't had a job since March 2020, when my movie theater was shut down by the county during lockdown.

I've been diagnosed with both generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder. So I guess that means I'm anxious about everything, lol. I personally enjoyed the time out of the workplace. Anxiety disorders notwithstanding, I consider myself to be an introverted person. Almost 36 months in lockdown doesn't bother me or make me stir-crazy like it might most people.

But, I know in my heart that I will eventually need to get a job. It's a matter of numbers. Pandemic-era unemployment, which ended a while ago, only leaves me with enough money to last a year or so at my current rate. I also know that my mental health is at an all-time low. While I'm happy staying at home, I'm also unhappy in a way. Due to my SAD, the longer I go without significant social interaction, the harder it is to engage in social interaction. Nowadays, greeting a delivery driver at the door can give me a near-panic attack.

My anxiety is what is influencing me to simply stay at home until I run out of money. My brain knows that's a stupid decision. I finally get a leg up in life - enough money for a sizeable down payment on a car - and my first impulse is to waste that money on simple living expenses while staying at home, jobless. I'd wanted a car for years before the pandemic, always jealous of everyone I worked with whose parents gave them a car and I never had the money for one. Now I have the money, and I'm in the process of blowing it away for some form of pseudo-retirement. 

My family will be moving to Texas in 3 years, and it would be nice if I could get my associate's before I go with them, since community college is more expensive when you just moved to the community. It would be nice if I had a larger savings to cover the moving expenses and while I find a job out there. But my anxiety is constantly telling me "you like not having a job" and "imagine how stressful a job interview would be" and "what if you hate the job".

I know I need to get a job, and I know that the longer I go without one, the harder it will be to get one. I also know that the worker shortage that might make it easier to get a job will soon be over. All the pressure is on me to get a job as soon as possible, reenter society, and become productive again, but my anxiety feels paralyzing. I wish I didn't have money, because that would force me to get a job and at that point my anxiety wouldn't matter. That's how I got my first job, anyways. No money forced me to step up. Having money lets me procrastinate, to my detriment.

I don't know how I'm going to do this. I don't want a job. I want to just blow my savings living at home for the next year. But my rational brain knows that's a horrible decision that I will regret forever. I have enough money to buy a really nice used car right now. If I blow it all on basic living for a year, I'll be right back where I was before the pandemic.