Hi friends.

I've (24F) been battling severe anxiety over the course of several months.  Scratch that.  It feels more appropriate to call it a wild goose chase.  Or a guinea pig experiment ... in which **I'm** the guinea pig.  

My anxiety primarily causes restless nights.  For example, when I was in college and had a critical exam the next day, my adrenal glands basically gave me the middle finger once I got into bed for the night.  Once I'm asleep, I stay asleep.  It's the process of falling asleep that may or may not feel like I'm fighting for my life.

I tried getting back on Lexapro after back-to-back traumatic events that led to insomnia.  It precipitated out in my brain and caused me to go borderline manic (*i.e.* two absolutely hellish nights of zero sleep, heart racing, fainting, etc.).  Then I tried Zoloft -- which helped but resulted in SSRI-induced akathisia -- and Trazadone.  I'm now currently on a combination of propranolol ER and Mirtazapine.  I had several nights on the Mirtazapine that were pure bliss.  It's been about six weeks on this routine.  On Monday night, I was preparing for bed after a very average day of work.  Within about 5-10 minutes of shutting my eyes, I got this horrid feeling in my body.  It was akin to suffocation, and my stomach felt like it was in knots.  I tossed and turned and was so terribly uncomfortable.  I ended up pulling an all-nighter against my own will.  The following night was a repeat.

My mother was kind enough to visit me from almost 2000 miles away.  While she was around, I fell asleep without any hardship.  Obviously, she had to leave at some point.  The night she left caused the same panicky nighttime scenario to resume: my heart starts racing, I get a nervous pit in my stomach, and I'm up all night without even a wink of sleep.  I expect the same thing to happen tonight -- I'm so excited (/s)!  

I've tried using Trazadone, which worked very well at settling me down before bed whilst being on Zoloft.  No effect.  I've tried Xanax.  Ironically, it exacerbated my symptoms.  I've tried Zyprexa.  Nothing.  Meditation?  Reading?  Watching relaxing documentaries or listening to semi-boring podcasts?  Damn, I've tried it all.

Has my body created a fear response to sleeping?  I'm terrified because I'm not functioning well.  I barely have the will to eat, drink, or move around my lifeless apartment after each sleepless stint.

Does anyone have experience with this, and how you conquered it?  Whether it be through medication adjustments, mindfulness, or both?  At this rate, I am so frustrated and baffled.  

**TLDR:  I've been having bouts of severe insomnia that may or may not be caused by an innate fear response to falling asleep/not feeling safe due to past instances of poor sleep patterns.  Falling asleep is impossible.**

Anywhoo, I'll likely be pulling a second consecutive all-nighter and doing crossword puzzles for hours on end.  Wish me luck!

Best,

TheTipsyAlchemist