i’m not officially diagnosed with bpd but i was diagnosed with bipolar 1 with bpd traits. 

almost 4 years ago i met this guy and we became really close friends really fast. we understood each other and talked all the time and watched anime together and it was so great. i quickly “fell in love” with him but looking back i wasn’t really in love, he was just my favorite person. when he didn’t respond fast enough or if he posted on social media before texting me i would absolutely lose my shit and become super upset. i would sometimes self harm because i felt like he hated me. that didn’t happen very often because i was so so obsessed with him and most of the time just saw him like the greatest person in the world. during the 2 ish years we were best friends i probably confessed my love for him 4-5 times, i was rejected each time and he always said he just saw me as a friend. each time it broke my heart but i got over it. i realize now how toxic i had been to him the entire time we were friends. i was a bit manipulative without realizing it and i regret it so much. i don’t exactly remember how it ended but we stopped talking and it tore my world apart. i know he was right in  not talking to me because  i was toxic and  not good for him. now fast forward 2 years and i’m set i’ll not completely over it and it’s so unhealthy for me. i don’t know ehat to do.

a couple months ago i met another guy and he was SO similar to the other guy it was crazy. he quickly became my favorite person but i tried to not be like i was before and try not to ruin this relationship as well. i thought things were going well but then he stopped talking to me abruptly. he didn’t text me back for 2 weeks and i didn’t know what happened. it broke me and he was all i could think about. i started off being super angry with him because i didn’t have any closure and it was just mean. after 2 weeks passed i texted him a couple days ago and we talked for about a day and i thought things were back to normal and i was really happy. after that he didn’t message me again for over a day so i knew it was really over. it upset me so much and i didn’t know what to do. i became suicidal and i cut a heart into my thigh and cut lines into it because my heart felt really broken and that’s would it would look like. at this point i have nothing left and i don’t know how to get over it. i don’t wanna be this obsessed with people but i cant control it and i feel so so broken