I’m 19. I promised myself that I would try to do this to see if I might get better over time, but nothing has changed and they have just become worse, so I'm not sure what to do next. I'm going to hang myself later tonight. I've discussed it in writing, talked with my family, went to therapy, tried medication. nobody has truly tried to help and nobody cares and none of it helpful to me. instead, everyone is blaming or disagreement and judgemental towards me. I'm riddled with crippling self hated that I can't even bring myself to look in the mirror or feel useful since I'm so alone and only exist for the sake of it. 

I'm drowning in loneliness and it never ends because nothing in this world is keeping me here, maybe for you  for you reader Perhaps it's not true, but right now it seems like all I have planned for the future is a miserable, lonesome existence. I honestly don't want to live this time, it would be better if I died.   I occasionally see people having a good time and living their lives. I don't want to ever live again because I detest who I am. Whoever reads this and makes a comment is appreciated. I'm just sick and tired of being all by myself. 

I hardly ever manage to finish my sentences when I do get the chance to talk to someone. not even attempting to speak with a girl I would stutter. I struggle to put anything I'm thinking into words. Who on earth would be patient enough to hear me out? How on earth was I supposed to carry on a conversation with someone? I have a hard time communicating with them. I'm also not deserving of anyones attention on how boring and uninteresting I am. End of road now.