*Recently diagnosed, but still not sure if all the symptoms apply to me. I don't fully understand the disorder and have no one to talk to about it except my therapist in one week. I'm looking back at my past actions and reactions and it's intensely confusing and scary. It's like I'm questioning my whole reality and I seriously don't know if I'm just a bit immature or a fucking monster.*

Anyway two months ago I had an argument with my younger friend because she wasn't listening to my advice about taking new drugs, and she implied that I shouldn't stand up to her because she knows about something horrible I did to someone in the past. I basically laughed in her face because I know I haven't done anything terrible (which I'm now questioning) and she refused to say what it was so I assumed she was gaslighting me and moved on.

I later got a call from my boyfriend saying that she and her friend called and texted him to try and convince him to stay friends by guilt tripping him (saying she was crying, saying she met him before I did (not true), saying he doesn't even care about her, saying our relationship won't last), and eventually telling him to break up with me. This really fucked me up. The reason she used was that I was controlling him and forcing him to end his friendship with them, which I didn't and didn't even know he tried to do. When he defended me she tried to use a situation from three months prior, in which I thought he was ignoring me in public so I had a meltdown in front of all my friends and didn't know what to do and basically made a total ass of myself crying and acting like a child. She described this situation as me manipulating him. The thing is that I've always refuted this because manipulation implies that I was trying to get something out of him or make him do something but I was only thinking about myself and trying to escape the social situation. But was she right to think that?

But what really fucks me up is the fact that she admitted to keeping quiet about this situation until she needed to use it as ammo to attack me for standing up for myself. Either our whole friendship was entirely fake because she thought I was abusing my boyfriend, and ALLOWED IT, just so she could gather evidence to start a smear campaign, or she knew that what I did wasn't actually narcissistic abuse and pulled it out her ass as a last ditch effort to hurt me. It seems like she was projecting heavily. Am I being rational to think this?

People seem to view BPD as the manipulation disorder, and some even believe their own lies. I've made sure that Everything in this post is the objective truth because I just want to know how reality works if I'm truly delusional