I came here cause I’m tired of worrying my family. I can’t stop feeling like I’m the constant ball of negativity for my family. Everyone has their own problems and stuff they got to deal with and then here I am being a bit of a sob story... but I just needed to tell someone how I feel. I feel lonely, anxious, depressed and sometimes, like a big failure. I mean, I’m 24 and have no plans, no idea of what I’m going to do with my life and when I think of things I could do, I just feel like I wouldn’t be able to do them anyway. I feel like a burden and I don’t see the day where I no longer feel this way. It sucks so much, I mean, I’m going to therapy (DBT and now EMDR), I’m taking my meds, I’m trying my best, I’m doing meditation (which is somehow the thing that helps me the most) yet I’m still here. I’m not getting better, if anything I feel like I’m getting worse, but I could never tell that to my family. I see how my mom is tired, and how she tries to play it as if she was invencible most of the time, and if I told her “hey, now on top of my anxiety, depression and traumas, I’m also beginning to feel like I’m going crazy sometimes” I feel like she would just break under the pressure, and I don’t know what do anymore... I don’t want to die, I want to get good, but I just don’t know how... I even started smoking, and I hated cigarettes, and now I’m downing at least 3 smokes a day, sometimes up to 6, and I know they don’t help and that they cause more anxiety and shit but I just feel like I can’t stop, like I need them... I was so afraid of getting addicted to them and now I feel I already am. I just feel so lost, and I’m so tired of having nothing to do, yet, I also don’t want to do anything. I’m stuck in a never ending cycle of bad feelings and I don’t know how to climb out. I just need this to stop... please... I don’t know what to do anymore...
I just... I just needed to tell someone how I felt... I just want to get better, is that too much to ask? I just want to be able to go through my day without having to do 3000 breathing exercises and meditations to feel somewhat good.

Please pray for me. Pray that I get better soon.