I’m in crisis mode at the moment. I was already there but then my girlfriend who was my rock broke up with me extremely suddenly and now my feeling of safety is gone. Im scared of my thoughts, if I had means to I would’ve killed myself tonight. The loneliness is unbearable and living feels genuinely hopeless. Children are being killed in schools and our government does nothing, we are approaching summer and the forests will burn again and again, we will do nothing. 

I’m doing everything I’ve done in the past to fix this, I’ve been going back to the gym making myself dinners staying productive but I’m getting no enjoyment from anything. Not to mention my appetite has completely disappeared I find myself heaving if I try to force myself to eat. In the past whenever I’ve been like this I’ve just called someone to have sex to burry my emotions deeper but I can’t this time something feels different. This feels like a hole I may not be coming out of. I’m just looking to talk to an empty void here since it takes a month and a half to talk to a therapist. I have never wished I was dead as much as I do now.