Its we'll known in my family that my sister is depressed. We tell her that we are here for her and that she can talk to us. But her therapist left her job. So she doesn't do that anymore. And I think quarantine has been getting to her. 

I try and show her that I love her and I care about her as much as I can. And I try to account for how she will feel every time I interact with her. I don't yell at her Even when she makes me mad or when she is angry at me. I don't show when I'm upset because I know she tends to think every is her fault. I cook for her alot because I know it makes her happier. Tell her she can do anything and I support her.

But sometimes I get tired. I also have my own mental health problems. But I'm seen as the "happy one" in my family. So I don't really talk about mine. And sometimes I want to say when im not happy. Or have someone tell me they understand what I'm going through and give me the time I need to feel better again. Instead of having to just pretend I'm fine so I can be there for every one else.

Today was essentially hard, because I was in a onr of my weird moods were I have no motivation but I don't really feel sad or happy or really anything. And my sister asked me to kill her. She said it as a joke, but still. I know I have to be there for her but I don't know how to take care of my own mental well being will I try to be there for her to. 

Idk thank you if you got this far I know it was really long. So I appreciate you