I don't really know if someone feels the way I do but damn I'm fucking depressed. It's like I can't find anything or anywhere or even people who I belong with. Don't get me wrong I do have friends but, at this point, they're more like acquaintances. I feel like I don't want to do anything and go anywhere and just wait for time to pass by and just eventually die. I'm 20, I'm short, fat, dumb. I'm scared to go out. I'm scared to be judged by other people. My parents want to help, but I can't explain it to them. I want to work on myself but I just don't. I make excuses for everything. I wasn't like this at all. I was bullied in my school for just being me. They used to kick me from behind, throw stuff on my bag pack and make fun of me every chance they got. I was happy one, I had dreams and aspirations. I know I sound like a massive bitch right now, I'm sorry.  Football is the only thing that I still have common between the old me and now. It's not even to play it's just watching the game and play the shitty little game "Fifa". The most problematic thing is that my parents think I'm antisocial but I'm really not. I want to go outside talk to people but I'm afraid of what they see when they look at me, cause all I see is that fat, short, dumb little kid standing in the corner. I want to cry every single time I look at myself. I don't really care anymore and I just want to end everything.