It's been over a year since things ended between my FP/ex girlfriend and I. It was not pretty. I couldn't handle the fact she no longer wanted a romantic relationship with me, even though she was going above and beyond to understand me, be my friend and be there for me. It came to a head, I harassed her, said a lot of awful things and it inevitably ended very badly, with a legal injunction and everything. Since then I've been doing everything I can to help myself and move on. Getting sober, medication, going to therapy weekly and working on myself. All things I wish I did when she was around. It was going decently for awhile but the last couple of months I cannot get her off my mind or let go of the regret and remorse of my behavior. I've lost all interest in my hobbies, have essentially Isolated myself and have been battling the worst depression, anhedonia and anxiety I have ever experienced. It's taking everything in my power to not fall back into substance abuse again. I had to cut off all my "friends" when I got clean. I am exhausted all the time, have no motivation whatsoever and can't even work or hold a job. I'm absolutely miserable. I did not expect this is where I would be at 30 years old. I would do anything to let go of her and feel like my old self again. I just don't know how.