This past year I realized that everyone in my life except for two people do not show up for me. Let me be clear, I am a ride or die friend, I show up in all circumstances. Last summer, I went with a friend to negotiate a car loan. We spent all day at Toyota. As we were leaving, she thanked me for going with her and then before the thanks had had time to settle on my ears, she qualified that her appreciation did not mean anything. "I will never do this for you, so don't ask." And she meant it. A few months later, I went looking for a couch. She refused to join me, even though years earlier I had helped her pick out her living room furniture, walked her through the valley of the death of her mother (both the dying part and the aftermath), helped her raise her dog from a puppy and otherwise changed the quality of her life for the better. 

When Covid hit, both my siblings cut me off. I have health challenges and they both obsess over their otherwise healthy spouses and did not feel they could bear the worry of both my real health issues and their spouses' imaginary ones. I have lived by myself for years, and they never reach out on my birthday or Christmas. This year I was ignored on Tgiving and Cmas. I found out from a friend that holiday celebrations would not be happening.  My beloved dog died in February and neither one of my siblings answered the phone. The next day I got  three line email telling me they were sorry and that was it The second sibling never answered. 

Soon after the car dealership friend started censoring the things I could talk about - she didn't want to hear about my new dog b/c i was all I talked about. (Never mind that her dog is all she really does talk about!) and finally the list got so long that the only thing I was allowed to talk about was the book she was writing. At that point, I ended the friendship. I want to end the relationship with my siblings but they just don't even give a shit. they are the most selfish people I have ever met, but the rejction and loneliness is bringing me down. I have ALWAYS been there for them, and it makes me feel so worthless to be dismissed when I am deemed unfit to offer services. I don't know how to get past the anger either. I tried emailing my feelings but they both flipped the script on to me (darvo style). I have no other family and have been in counseling trying to deal with this for over a year.  It is complicating my depression. Any suggestions on how to handle or what to do are appreciated. Thank you for letting me vent.