And I hate it. I’m so easily turned off. I have a boyfriend. He is probably the nicest and most understanding guy I’ve ever dated. However I feel like my BPD are going to ruin things sooner or later. 

He’s dated women before me. Had sex before he met me. I know, it’s the past. But knowing that stuff hurts me and gives me the ick. Maybe it’s weird, but I typically would date non-experienced men to avoid getting these bad feelings. It just hurts knowing I’m not his first everything. I want to feel like I’m number 1. I know I am, to him. But I wanted to be the first everything. He is such a great guy, and I don’t want to ruin things. I don’t know how to get over these stupid feelings. Anyone else?