I know that it makes me continually disappointed in others. Or if someone has a flaw, I’ll automatically see someone else who has the opposite of that flaw a saint, until they saw me their flaw, and then I’ll compare them to a different person without that flaw. I just run in circles never really accepting anyone. Only taking in the highs of that person until they let me down because of my own expectations of perfection. And sometimes I’ll meet someone who is “perfect” but then lose respect for them because they’re too “boring” or perhaps I’ll think they’re spineless. No one can ever win. Especially not me. 

I feel like I’ll never have genuine relationships. I have a lot of friends, but I feel like I have to hide who I am in order to keep them. And they have to hide who they are to keep me. I don’t want that. I want relationships that are built on acceptance, love, and trust. Is that even a real concept? I see other people having it but maybe I’m idealizing. Maybe all relationships are shit.