## Possible TW: mentions of numbers, intentional weight loss

I'm not sure if this post belongs here, honestly. I haven't needed anxiety meds in a very long time-- not that I don't still have anxiety, I've just been able to manage it so far with therapy skills for the most part. 

I recently lost a bit of weight (about 65 lbs). I used to shop exclusively at this one plus size store, since I could reliably find clothes that fit me there. But now I don't fit into their clothes and I have no idea what size I actually am now. 

I tried going to goodwill a few months ago and for some reason it really set me off. I felt overwhelmed and lost and I ended up leaving within 10 minutes and having a panic attack in the parking lot. I've been putting off clothes shopping since then. 

But I'm at the point now where I don't have a single pair of pants that actually fits me; my entire wardrobe is 2 pairs of leggings, 2 properly-fitting t-shirts, and a pair of onesie pajamas that were gifted to me recently. That's it. I'm starting a new job soon and unfortunately I can't wear a onesie to work everyday, but I can't bring myself to go to the store. 

I hate this feeling. The idea of going there is overwhelming, the idea of trying on clothes and being unsure of what I fit into and whether I'll even find anything I like... it's too much. I try to make a plan, *'today I'm going to finally make it happen'* and my mind is flooded with *what-if*s and just paralyzing fear of I-don't-know-what. 

I just want to look cute and be comfy. I'm tired of this self-limiting shit. 

I don't know what my point here is, I guess I'm just ranting. If anyone has any advice or anything though, I'll hear it. Thanks.