I'm terrified. Terrified of life, terrified of death, terrified of the fact that I've wasted every opportunity that I had to live a normal life. Terrified that I've become an absolute disconnected socially isolated husk of a person. Scared that I'll never get out of this because its persisted for too long. I don't know what to do. I've exhausted any possibility of redemption and can't even get through a job interview like this. When my mother passes I'm probably going to end it if I make it that long. I wish I could just have one redo. I'd do it all differently, every choice I've ever made. But that's not an option and it's futile to even think about it. I don't think I can pull myself out of this. Therapy and medication isn't helping. What the fuck am I supposed to do