Well, there it is. I'm 25 years old and will turn 26 in August. I got no job, failed university, am living on social care and the little money my girlfriend can provide. I'm fighting this shitty illness for about ten years now. I survived two suicide attempts. I took a shit ton of pills throughout the years. Nothing helped. I went to a few clinics. I dropped out of some help programs. I currently attempting another help program that aims to bring me to a point where I can work. I just called in sick for three weeks. I just wanna leave. I just wanna leave this world. Even if there is nothing but darkness it won't be worse than the darkness in my hard. But I'm a coward. I'm way to scared of it hurting just even a bit. As I don't want to suffer any more. I don't wanna feel a single bit of pain anymore. 
That's what's keeping me going on. I'm not sure how long it can though.