I feel like I’m failing everyone.My parents, my grandparents. To some extent I do feel they love me and are proud of me because of my achievements.
I’m at a point in my life where I have to do residency after medical school and I just cannot see myself doing that. I’m just trying to do it for them. To make them happy, to be a good daughter.
I wish I knew what I wanted to do though 
My parents are over protective and in a way controlling. I want space to make my own life decisions and make mistakes without their judgements. But this is not possible.
I feel like I’m in a jail.
I feel like I’m letting everyone down including myself for not following my dreams and them for not able to follow their dreams properly. I’m stuck in a limbo.

The only way out is to die.
I’m in so much pain.
I’m taking meds, doing therapy. They are useful only to a certain extent.
My body hurts all the time.
I have headaches every day
My heart palpitates 
My anxiety is soaring 
I’m growing fat
I cannot live like this
I cannot
I feel extremely lonely
I feel so demotivated and helpless
I want to run away from my house and do the things I’ve always wanted

I’m just not going to live anymore
I cannot do this anymore