me (21F) and my FP (25M) who is also my boyfriend, have gone thru a lot in the year we’ve been together. our relationship has been super turbulent and at times extremely toxic because neither of us could control ourselves. i have untreated BPD and would lash out or show symptoms and he couldn’t handle it. 
we’ve gotten a lot better but i still hold things against him that he’s done and said, and I can’t get over it. there’s 2 voices in my head, one that idealizes him and then the other voice yells at me and tells me I hate him and reminds me of everything bad he’s done. even if we agreed to move past it. this happens constantly, all day long and with every thought I have that involves him. it’s so exhausting and I just don’t know how to stop these intrusive thoughts and “splitting” because its just creating pent up anger and resentment over things I can’t change.