For many months I've been uncovering things about myself that I believe very abnormal, and am pushing away the most important person in my life as a result. When in an argument or any conflict, I tend to shut down. Thoughts stop formulating and I cannot speak, and am overwhelmed with a feeling of danger as if I am being attacked, and the urge to escape the situation. I cry profusely and tremble and often hit myself. I also have grown very passive when confronted with a mistake I made that has frustrated or hurt someone, as I avoid this confrontation and seek to escape instead of facing it. I am also passive with emotions, as sometimes I forget entirely what a certain occasion made me feel and instead project whatever I am thinking in the present onto the past. I have to reflect extensively on what I honestly want or think because it is so hard to differentiate. 

I believe this to be in part because of my family situation, as I live alone with my mother who suffers from paranoid psychosis. Many of my behaviors that plague me now are ones I performed on a daily basis around her, like an emotional/mental detachment when faced with anger or conflict or a constant feeling of being attacked or my response of silence and inaction. These were very useful when coping with her but I feel are manifesting in everything outside of that and it is breaking me. The only other person I have extensive contact with is my girlfriend whom I love and care for very much and who feels the same for me, but the relationship is basically detrimental because of how hurtful and unsustainable these behaviors are. I am a minor still, and am frankly terrified of seeking out professional help and trying to explain to my mother why, nor I do not want to lose my relationship. Is there a way I can seek help without notifying my mother? If not, is it preferable to risk undergoing pain from her for the sake of help? Any advice is very much appreciated, thank you all.