I want to be the child that I was, happy, confident, playful, interested. 

I always had a facade of a happy popular person. But inside, I am and was always suffering, I'm insecure, I feel like I have no hobbies/interests/identity. I am craving for a relationship, for someone to save me. I can't even connect with friends anymore as I don't know what to say to them, my brain seems slower. 

Is it possible I've been depressed since I'm a teen and never recovered 15 years later?