I am constantly reminded at how fucking pathetic and lonely my life is when I see everyone else. I can act like I enjoy being by myself but that’s only because that’s what I’m used to. I’ve tried to kill my self once before and obviously failed. Went to a mental institute for a week after that. I’ve been having a horrible depression day and then just randomly had the thought of taking a fuck ton of pills and not telling anyone and I actually got excited for a second. Like that would spice up my night or something. Really the only thing keeping me from doing it again is the expenses if I don’t succeed, and the damage I’ll cause to my family if I do. My aunt is dying of brain cancer and the last thing my family needs is another death. But I just FUCKING HATE feeling like this. I HATE IT. I fucking hate myself and have no faith in myself or my future. I don’t know what to do. I want to cry but I physically can’t. What is wrong with me.