it's a trait of mine that has been bothering me for years where i can't find myself being happy for my loved ones a lot of the time. my boyfriend is telling me how he's out clubbing and is so happy to have met his group of friends and yet my past trauma comes up and takes over my emotions. my best friends will go travel around the world and drive to wherever and come back without their parents saying anything and i am so envious of their lifestyle. do i ever express my jealousy and sadness to them? never.. because i don't want them to think i'm not happy and don't want this for them. i don't know if i'm seriously not happy or if i'm so sad of my environment, lack of freedom i have and fear of being forgotten that it gets hard for me to hear these things. i'm really upset with myself for feeling like
this all the time.. i'm sure when i go back to college i'll be okay but just this entire summer it's felt like this.