I do not get enjoyment out of the things I used to enjoy. 

Anytime I even think of anything sad, I start to tear up. Let alone watch anything even remotely sad. 

I'm so starved for any emotion or any passion in my own life and I just cannot find any. 

Maybe I've been alone for too long... I know what happens when I try to reach out to others though.. I self destruct. 

I can't take any more breakdowns but the emptiness is crushing me. 

Still looking for a job.. Hope is getting harder to find.

I'm flying down to Florida this weekend to see my grandparents. Probably for the last time. They don't have much life left. 

They've had long, fulfilling lives so I don't feel that sad. Family has never meant that much to me.. But maybe I'll gain some perspective. 