I (19f) have been feeling lost since I moved back in with my parents. For context, I was renting a room from a woman in a couple towns over while working (30+ hours) and doing full time school for a little over a year. I got on the deans list my first year of college but overtime I wore myself out with this routine and decided at the beginning of this year I needed a break. I felt so drained and had little energy for anything. I thought a break would bring back my drive and motivation but I find myself still in a rut. I think the break seemed to have worsened these feelings. I have no direction for future goals or life plans. Now that it's been almost 8 months since I've been to school I just don't find myself longing to go back. 
I've struggled with depression for as long as I can remember, I'm in therapy and should be taking my meds but the possible side affects make me not want to. 
I know im young and it's normal to feel like you have no idea what you're doing, but the longer I stay unemployed (work is seasonal here and summer there's no jobs) and burden my parents with my presence the more I hate myself. I don't know what to do or where to turn, everytime I try to sit and think about it I get too overwhelmed. Part of me wishes I was never born, and a part of me wishes I could just stick with something for once. I put on this happy persona for my family, they all think I'm okay, but I feel like I'm falling apart. I feel like a fucking failure and a loser with nothing to show for my existence besides being a depressed sack of shit.
Sorry for weird formatting I am on mobile.