
Tl;dr Below

Age: 24 Gender: Male

I honestly think I'm both. I've never been official diagnosed so I don't know. I took a psych central.com test and scored a 43

Inattention Subscale: 27
Hyperactivity/Impulsivity Subscale: 16

The Chart:
34 and up being Adult ADHD
26-33 being Mild ADHD

I'm not sure on how accurate that is, but a lot of the questions basically spoke out to me with some exceptions like I don't blurt out in a group. 

I do: misplace things, I can't focus on anything that doesn't interest me, if something is intimidating even when I try my best to focus on it, my mind wanders somewhere else and I just quit, when my GF is talking to me I tend to want to hurry and get my words in, I talk and fidget a lot when I'm sitting still which is why I always tap my foot constantly when sitting in a chair, I also pace back and forth when talking to someone on the phone and I feel as if I literally can't sit down to focus on talking. Even during my old job, I had a fidget spinner because I would just sit there and wait to buss tables.

I made another post in the MakingHipHop SubReddit about being possibly ADHD and any hints to get over my lack of focus to try and learn at least something and one comment said I could just be lazy.

I pondered that and I honestly am lazy and pathetic as well. A lot of times, I'll procrastinate something even if it seems easy and I'm just a lazy POS that isn't really good at anything.

The few things I focus on are video games and things that interest me like fictional powerscaling/social media drama/ etc. I can listen to YouTube videos about these subjects all the time. If it comes to listening to some history or math thing, I quickly tune it out and it's as if I won't listen to it....

The only things I am good at are typing over 120 WPM, rapping, video games, and having knowledge about current events on social media but that's about it. Nothing useful and I can't seem to actually sit down and learn something if it's not interesting or it seems too intimidating.

And I don't know why but I always skim when I read. It's as if my mind doesn't want to read every single thing so I quickly skim it and end up missing a good bit of stuff. I'm just so pathetic it's sad. 

And to top it off, social anxiety in select situations doesn't help. I can be a chatter bug with strangers that I like or suspect I have something in common but usually I just don't know what to say and I'm quiet. I especially can't talk to customers and work as a cashier as it makes me shake too much. I also couldn't even pay attention to my manager trying to teach me the cash register's buttons and functions. I literally hear every other word.

I just don't know what to do or what to think. I would greatly appreciate any feed back. Honestly, I'm probably in a depression as being useless has made me feel like I'm a disappointment to my family. A college student who can't even graduate cause I'm most likely being lazy and using ADHD as an excuse or I may not be using it as an excuse and I actually have it.

I just don't know. I want to see someone but my family and I are pretty poor and my GF told me the last time she saw a therapist, it was pretty expensive. 

I do want to see someone though but I don't even know if they will give meds, let alone meds that can help.


Sorry for the long ramble but my mind is racing and I just don't know what to think. My thoughts vary so much, I overthink, even when watching a movie or TV Show as I think about the voice actors, the actors, the camera crew, what the animators did to make a certain shot or CGI. Even while having s*x, I think about the most random things and it's distracting.

I honestly think I'm both pathetically lazy and I have some form of ADHD. If so, I feel so useless that I honestly don't even know what to do in life. I have passions but sometimes it's hard for me to start learning the programs. I just like rapping and performing. I overcome my social anxiety, I'm able to freely move, and it makes me feel comfortable in my skin because I'm actually good at it so it makes me feel good about something besides typing fast (which is why I apologize for it being long! ).

I try to restrict my Reddit posts but they end up being long and just a bunch of my jumble up thoughts. Since I can type fast, I type anything that's on my mind and I try to stay on topic. 

Honestly, I don't even look at what I typed in cause it's embarrassing. I don't even look at my Test scores in school because I'm too afraid to look and too afraid to show others.

Sorry again. If anyone actually read this and gives feedback, thank you very much. Even if you just read it, thank you.

Sorry for wasting your potential time.



EDIT: I forgot to mention, I'm also into cooking but as a side thing since cooking in a restaurant stresses me out. I can listen to cooking tutorials and follow them all the time. I actually really like cooking for me and my GF as it makes me feel accomplished when I'm done. 

I wish I could do the same with things that are actually important or could change my life..





Tl;dr I have a lot of ADHD Symptoms and took a test. I might have ADHD or I might be lazy and pathetic. I honestly think I'm both. How do I go about fixing my focus and motivation?