I graduated from secondary school and am nearing the end of probably the longest summer holiday I will ever have in my life. I told myself I was gonna get a job, get back into my hobbies and prepare myself for sixth form but I have done fuck all.
Every single day I spend 12hrs+ on my phone. It's mindblowing to me that my friends can afford to go on holidays abroad or just travel around the country effortlessly, despite how high prices are right now. My family has not even tried to plan a day trip for us. My mother constantly guilt trips my dad for not planning anything but she herself will not even attempt to because she has no idea how. We've resorted to eating 1-2 meals a day now because everything is just too expensive, yet she still urges him to spend money on trips? Infuriates me.

I've only been out with a friend once and even then I was only allowed out until 830pm. It only began to get dark at 9:45. Every day I see so many of my friends hanging out and having fun together until 4am whilst I've been a total shut in. 90% of the people ive spoken to this summer did not reach out to me once. I can't help but think if i had social skills then people might actually invite me out or just check up on me. Its hard to even invite others out myself when EVERY friend I do genuinely feel comfortable with is either busy or has left me on opened.

Ive been whining about not having a job but now that Ive been given the entire summer to find one, i can't bring myself to do it. Im terrified and it sucks seeing everyone around me effortlessly get jobs. I've been mostly looking into retail but how am I supposed to talk with customers when I can't even hear what they say half the time, due to my tinnitus?
Sixth form starts soon and I have NOTHING to wear. Skinny denim jeans, leggings, and shorts? Really? If I actually got a job I would be able to afford more appropriate clothing. I also find it funny how I'm doing compsci for alevel yet don't even have a computer or laptop that works properly. Guess I'll be doing the majority of the work on a 5yr old broken phone. How do I get motivation or confidence to actually apply for a job, when most of them are looking for social butterflies? Even my parents are socially awkward, so its not like spending the entire summer with them will help me get any better. Its one of the main reasons why I'm terrified for sixth form since I'm meeting a BUNCH of new people &amp; I'm almost completely alone. After the induction day I spent the entire walk back home crying I struggled so much with trying to socialise

I haven't been eating properly lately. I cant bring myself to eat my dinner when my mother is around. Ive spent most of the summer upset and frowning because I hate her presence so much. Even her stepping into the same room as me distracts me to the point where I cant focus on what I was watching anymore. I dont want to get into why I despise her
How do I get motivation to do anything when I'm upset all the time? 

My acne's been flaring up again too. Ive spent 7 years trying to find something that works, and it's even more discouraging when friends who only recently started getting spots instantly find something that works for them.

Ive always felt like Ive been dealt the short card in everything. Appearance-wise, money-wise, family-wise, my lack of social skills.. How am I supposed to progress through life when I just lack in SO much? It literally sucks ass. I feel like ive only been put here to help and comfort others, and watch them thrive whilst I struggle.
Ive realised my problems are incomparable to some of the others here but I just cant help how hopeless and grey I feel