This is probably going to be a long one, so if you don’t care, feel free to keep on scrolling. 

A bit of background about myself. I was diagnosed with depression in college. I’ve been on a few different anti-depressants and I am currently on one that I think levels out my emotions, and I see a shrink twice a month. Prior to being in a relationship with my current GF, I was in a low place but then I began seeing my shrink and I ended up actually being in my best mental headspace since being diagnosed w/depression. I was productive, I kept my living space very clean and organized, I regularly went out and enjoyed my hobbies, and I was productive at work. 

Skip to starting my current relationship. Like any relationship, the first year or so was great, the “honeymoon phase.” The last year or so, I’ve been really unhappy. We have lived together for over a year. There is literally no intimacy at all, emotional, verbal, or physical. Intimacy is something that I really need more than almost anything in a relationship, be it verbal - exchanging kind or flirty comments/texts, or physical - holding hands, cuddling, or having a sexual relationship. I can’t remember the last time we’ve touched each other or have shared any verbal intimacy with each other. My GF things its vulgar to be flirty or be sexual. That’s not to say we have never flirted or had sex, of course we had, but after the honeymoon phase, it’s almost completely absent. I’m not wanting to call her a prude, but I’ve NEVER experienced this in any of my past relationships. I’ll never be a cheater, but I believe the statement “if you’re not getting what you need in your current relationship, you’ll eventually seek it elsewhere” has some credit to it. 

We have become stagnant. We never go out and do anything fun together. With our living situation, if I didn’t do the cleaning, it wouldn’t get done. There have been several times where I’ve asked for help and my GF straight up told me no, because she “doesn’t have time.” She’s in school and works full time, but she wastes soooo much time watching Netflix or playing video games that could otherwise be spent doing her homework or doing chores around the house.

She has mental health issues herself. When I first told her I was unhappy maybe a year ago, she promised to address her mental health issues, work on the issues I seen in the relationship, and begin seeing a therapist. Other than seeing a therapist, there haven’t been any changes. She almost always disregards her need for sleep and doesn’t usually get more than 2-3 hours a night. She is usually late for work at least once a week, because her alarms literally just don’t wake her and I’m surprised she hasn’t been fired already. I’ve told her multiple times that her lack of sleep is almost certainly consisting to her mental health issues, and she hasn’t made any change. She has terrible mood changes and she would be in a fine mood at one second, but then the next, I could just literally talk and she snaps at me. She’ll remain mad at me for realistically no reason other than her mood swings, and it usually ruins both of our days. 

I guess I’m just seeking advise as to how to handle this. I’m at the point where I’ve given up. I tried to make changes to better the relationship and be understanding of her issues, but I’m exhausted and can’t do it anymore. I don’t see a future and I don’t think anything could change to change my mind. This being said, as bad as I think our relationship is, with lacking a lot of the things most people want in a partner - intimacy, co-contribution, affection, stable emotional connection, etc. (all of which isn’t there for us), she claims she’s happy with our relationship. She tells me that she sees herself spending the rest of her life with me. 

I’m genuinely afraid of how she will be effected if I break up with her. I could see her compromising her sleep habits even further, her hygiene, her mental health, and frankly her work as well. I could see her losing her job or quitting, and giving up on her schooling as well. She’s already unstable, and all of her friends have moved away. I’m pretty much the only one she talks to and I don’t know who she would go to for emotional support and/or how much more downhill her mental health would go if I broke up with her. 

I realize I can’t stay a relationship that is taking a toll on my mental health just because I know breaking up would compromise her mental health. I have to do what’s right for me, but how does one go about ending a relationship that the other person is genuinely happy with, and ending it would likely result in a downward spiral? How do you handle the moving situation when you’ve broken up with someone who lives with you? I’ve never lived with any of my ex’s, so that’s not something I’ve had to worry about.