When things are good, I'm great. The smallest little thing happens and I turn into this horrible creature that is terrified and insecure.

I try so hard to practice my "logical thinking" and it works sometimes for a bit, but when I feel like the logic is piled up against me I lose it.

I am so tired of BPD. I hate that I'm this way. I've never hated anything more in my life.

How do any of us live like this? It's horrible and I just don't even know what to do anymore. I can't currently afford to see my therapist or take my meds so I'm operating on basically no support currently. 

I'm just at a loss I guess and not sure where to turn. I'm sure I'll be fine once my FP texts me but why do I have to get like this when he doesn't?? 