It's yet another holiday where I get to play photographer and see everyone happy and excited about the days events. The camera hides how I feel, once the dinner is over i retreat to my room and wait for the day to end. I could feel the tension in my chest building and the usual pain but I had hoped it would subside with a nap. It didn't. The rage began, the crying began, the chest ripping feeling like someone had just broken my heart also began. 

Every holiday, every birthday, every family event... the same pain. I don't know where it's coming from or why but it's going to be the death of me soon. I'm even building up an inmunity to clonazepam. My dad said he can't do this anymore... frankly, that makes 2 of us. 

How am I supposed to wake up, goto work, and pretend like I'm not dying inside? I hate my job. I have few friends. No significant other. And 2 family members doing what little they can to control what feels like ticking time bomb.