I’m new to posting here, but I’m running out of options. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at 18, which completely threw me off balance mentally, it was a lot to take in! Here I was researching endlessly into the symptoms and almost subconsciously developing what I read about. 
I was born into a small family, my father committing suicide when I was 4, no other siblings and was raised by a single mother who is now in the later stages of Multiple Sclerosis. I still live with her, have become her carer as I don’t want to lose her so early on but I feel helpless watching her deteriorate so rapidly, while also trying to find my footing with my disorders and career pathway. I have lost many people in my life due to being overly emotional, told I’m ‘over-dramatic’ and quick to snap and appear passive aggressive. I just feel so intensely and deeply about the smallest of things, which is both a blessing and a curse. I’ve had substance abuse issues in the past but have gotten sober and been sober for a number of months. I’m unable to drink, even socially, my mood swings go into overdrive and I’ve shocked many people with my unstable behaviour. I used to be okay, I was able to hold down a job and have a few decent relationships but since my mother has deteriorated mentally and physically I’ve become extremely suicidal and socially withdrawn. I’ve tried many psychologists, but I’m different each time I go and see them, which makes them burn out quickly, so I stopped going. 
I’ve tried medication, I’m currently on sertraline but it has made me feel constantly tired and hungry.
I feel so lost on what to do next and I truly don’t want to end my life.