To preface , I apologize for the poor formatting, I’m on mobile . 
Here is some background on me : I’ve been depressed as long as I remember. I’ve been off of antidepressants for almost a year . Considering starting again. I only stopped because my general practitioner was prescribing things that had me sleeping all day.I also have family history of mental illness. 

I’m struggling with depression and anxiety. I’m doing really bad emotionally . But this week I’m actively trying to shake it off because I’ve become difficult for the people i love to be around. Here are some examples : 
-I get depressed over my weight, I’m going to the gym now to do light cardio for atleast 30 min every other day
-I get depressed and begin to isolate, so instead I pushed myself to see a friend for dinner. 
-I changed my diet to have mainly fruits and veggies , I read that would help my symptoms 
-I felt purposeless, and now I’m pushing myself to finish my bachelors degree, I graduate this year
-I feel ugly so instead of being sad I do my makeup and try to pull it together 
-Decided to stop smoking pot to see if it’ll help lighten the mood
-I’m maintaining hygiene instead of letting my depression make it hard and not caring

I have an amazing boyfriend and family, I am aware I am loved and do not want to commit suicide by any means, even though I deal with ideation. However I do find it hard to live,or to even want to genuinely do anything. I feel selfish for being depressed despite having a good life. I really cannot complain . 
I’m trying so hard to remain positive but depression feels so endless . I am pushing hard for the people I love . I want to be light and happy again. I feel like a monster or a dark cloud . I don’t know if I should get serious about therapy or seeing a psychiatrist to properly prescribe me. Any advice is welcomed . I just want to kick mental illness in its ass.