I’ve been battling this for years now and I still don’t know the answer. I feel like a piece of shit. I feel like I act like a piece of shit, but at the same time I know I try to act with the best intentions even though I don’t a lot of the time. 

I really would like to kill myself to rid the world of my existence, but at the same time the guilt I feel having those thoughts and the worry that my family would somehow feel like it’s their fault, and in the off chance that they’d be sad I’m gone is keeping me alive. 

I have no support group, no one to talk to to tell me if what I feel is true, and honestly I’d be too scared to ask for fear that my suspicions are true. 

Idk what to do. 

Another theory I have is that my depression is holding me back from genuinely being someone that people enjoy being around, but also I feel like that’s not an excuse and I should just suck it up and quit being a little bitch. 

Just felt like I needed to throw these thoughts out there and maybe get some feedback I don’t know man. I’m just sick of feeling like this and having to think about it all day every day…