When I feel good I reach out to people, hang out, play music and so on. And I do consider myself usually being a positive person that is supportive and tries to help people out if then need. Because in my opinion, that is what real friends do. Are there for you in good times as in bad times, right? Someone to talk to that cheers you up and tells you that what your depressive thoughts are not accurate. Someone that gives you a reality check and also gives you the love you need when you are down.

Well, I realize then I do not have any real friends.

When I am down I try not do be a burden by complaining about every little thing, but sometimes I do want to talk to a friend just how I feel. But when I do I get no reply or the conversation dies out quickly. And then I don't hear a thing from them no more. And really, no one asks me how I am doing, even thought they know I am suffering right now. Also, I realize that I am the one usually reaching out to people because when I am not (like now because I suffer from depression) I have no on going conversations on Messenger or SMS:es in my inbox.

It's so saddening and depressing in itself to realize that I don't have any real friends. And I don't get it. If any of my so called friends would reach out to me telling me they were depressed I would have tried to help them. That is what friends are for in my opinion. Not just for the fun when all is good, but also to be there as a support when things are bad. It's depressing and I am seriously considering cut off the contact completely with these so called friends. I am better off alone than being "friends" with people who don't even care about me and support me when I am feeling down. 40 years old, no girlfriend, no kids and obviously no friends. No wonder I am depressed. I am seriously considering giving up completely on the social side of life and live by myself in the woods or something.

Sorry, I just needed to vent and really don't know what to discuss here. But I do wonder, do you have the same experience?