The year 2020 brought a beautiful baby girl into my life with a woman I hardly knew. We now live together, in a lovely home, situated in a safe neighborhood with plenty of food on our tables, and not a worry in the world . . at least everyone else would see it that way. 

I'm 35, have no degree, dwindling savings, and an overwhelming amount of anxiety and building depression. I hate my job, my co-workers, I have few if any friends, lost my mother (my only real confidant) last November, and my love/desire for exercise, the outdoors, and  photography is fading. I feel I'm being sucked into this damning void and i don't know how to climb out.

I grew up with every opportunity in the world at my disposal. Instead I chose to fuck off and not pursue a career or even a path to learn. Photography was my escape. I've never made any money doing it but I've always enjoyed snapping photos of landscape scenes whilst traveling. 

I'm fortunate in that my partner has a great job. If I left mine we would be ok, though money would be tight. I don't however want that burden to be put onto her.  

I know I need to leave my job. The environment is beyond toxic. Before doing that I want something lined up. My lack of experience outside of the retail world is non existent. 

I don't know what to do. I know this is a mixed assortment of thoughts and ramblings . . Maybe someone can provide some insight.

\*Do know that I do NOT plan to harm myself. I love my little one - its exhausting but ( - - )  is my world, the only thing that keeps me moving, really. I just want to be happy. There is so much I should be grateful for but I have nothing to live for but my baby at this point. . How do you grow when you're restricted to working and raising a child?