I (28M) was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder about 9 years ago. I’ve just never felt like anything I do is good enough or deserved. Anything good that happens, I spend more time waiting for the other foot to drop than truly enjoying the good thing. Any achievement that I have is just others not recognizing what a fraud I am. 

So far, the thing that people are most “proud” of me for is overcoming a substance abuse issue, but even that feels backhanded. Like congrats, you’re less of a piece of shit than you used to be.

Even the good things that do happen in my life go to shit. I got married 3 months ago after 4 years with my now wife. All that time she never threatened to leave, but now she’s already threatened divorce three times. Part of me questions whether she is really in love with me or just with what I can give her. All she’s ever wanted was a child, and that’s what many of our fights center around. My psych meds have destroyed my sex drive, and while she was mildly annoyed with it while we were dating, it’s now a huge issue because it inhibits our chances of conception. She wants me to go talk to a doctor about switching meds to correct this, but I’m just so afraid that switching or stopping meds will lead to the intrusive thoughts winning, and then I’ve left an expectant mother to raise a child alone.

I’m just so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Nothing ever seems to be enough, and it never will. So why bother?