he is my soulmate. the most patient, understanding, empathetic, emotionally mature, balanced, communicative and encouraging person i’ve ever met. i adore him more than words can describe. he loves me. he asked for a couple of days break after a particularly bad argument, triggered by my BPD being triggered. he doesn’t know i have BPD because i’ve been too afraid to tell him. he said he doesn’t ever want to lose me or end things with me and that we’ll have a talk in person in two days, but thinks that i could benefit from some space right now. i’ve honoured his wishes. i feel so lost and numb. i never thought he’d do this but i’ve successfully driven him away. i am alternating right now between drinking, crying hysterically, smoking, and feeling nothing. i need to get my shit together. i feel like i’ve ruined the best thing i ever had.