idk how many times in 2 years i have quit a job. i dont even know how to tell my superiors im gonna leave. i went on a leave of absence since august but told them i'll be back on october. I DONT WANNA COME BACK. i have been trying tp convince myself to come back to work because i need to be a contributing citizen to the society. but my depression is so bad these past few months that i dont wanna do anything again. this has been an ongoing issue eversince i graduated college (which was 10 years ago). im scared of the future and often times i always think about dying if something goes wrong. my brain couldnt keep up. i always felt like theres just a limit on what i can take. i thought i was getting better, turns out i was just hypomanic that time and in reality, im still being devoured whole by depression. i dont know what to do. maybe i do. i dont know. im just so tired. i dont wanna do this anymore. everything feels so hopeless. i hate myself. i feel like im suffocated. i hate myself. i just wanna disappear. i hate myself so much.