I used to say to myself “I can stop whenever” but I don’t think I can stop anymore. It’s the only think that gives me an escape from reality. The thing is, I don’t even really want to stop 

I’ve quit my job and don’t see any hope in the future. I’ll just end up eventually getting another hard labor warehouse job and move in with a roommate because I’ll never be able to afford an apartment. I won’t find friends at this point, let alone find a boyfriend. Honestly it’s my fault. If I had gotten help earlier I may not have turned out like this. But I isolated myself and pushed everyone away even my own family. I feel so much guilt still living here because I know I’m taking up space my parents could use for themselves but I couldn’t physically handle my last job anymore 

I started buying 1.5 liter bottles of wine and going through like 3/4 of them a week, last time I drank the whole bottle in a night. I’m spending too much money on food and alcohol and I’m starting to gain weight again, but it’s like I’m starting not to care anymore. My skin is all messed up from constant yo-yo dieting, and I have no social skills. I’ll never have a normal life anyways

I couldn’t even bring myself to go outside today, even though I keep telling myself to go to my gym class or at least get a hike in. I also really need to go grocery shopping and get healthy food so I stop eating too much takeout but I have zero motivation