I don't want to write a long back story but here's some basic information. After getting a call home from one of my teachers about me spiralling out of control before exams, my mother suggested I go and see a GP. After having 3 appointments each 1 week apart I finally got referred to go see a psychotherapist. Just this took 2 more weeks for me to get my first appintment whilst in the meantime my mental health was and still is rapidly deteriorating. For my first session not much happens, the second session again 2 weeks later all I do is talk a bit more about everything troubling me but still get little in terms of coping. The psychotherapist tells me to talk to my GP about possible medications. All the GP does is refer me to yet another service and write me a script for an SSRI which I am determined to avoid like the plague. 

After getting jerked around like this a couple more times whilst they're doing nothing to actually help but just getting me to tell the same story to different people over and over again, they finally decide they don't have the resources to treat me and tell me to only talk to my 2nd referral. Insert another extended process of them trying to throw illnesses at me until one sticks like ADD, SAD and some other shit idek the name of, I reach a really low point where I had nothing to lose so I bought 50 tabs of a pharma diazepam. I have no intentions of misusing the diazepam and am fully aware of dangerous withdrawals and risk of addiction if not used intermittently and with a correct dosage. In the very short time I've had with it, it's given me a new chance to live again but theres no way that a psychologist could allow that no sir. They tell my mother to search my whole fucking room, absolute degenarate scum bags who don't understand the reason I'm talking to them is to avoid talking to my parents. My mother finds an empty bottle of adderall which i had not used for about 2 months and a box of diazepam. 

I couldn't give 2 shits about adderall but the diazepam was actually helping me with my insomnia, anxiety and depression and for a short period I finally had some relief. So the question is what now? In the short time without it i have slept for a total of 2 hours, had a panic attack and a close call, extreme waves of anxiety and horrible guilt. I'm going to have to tell this to my psych which will probably lead to no medication for short term relief if any at all. Is there a way for me to convince her to give it back?

TL;DR I have insomnia, anxiety and depression for which doctors did nothing to actually help for months all the while I'm drowning. Took matters into my own hand, bought diazepam. Psych told mother to search my room and she found it. Now I have no diazepam, no dignity to look my parents in the eye and no way to cope. What do I do?

Side note: I only resorted to meds after developing a tolerance to all my coping methods.