I wish I knew how to write one of these, but I don’t, so I guess I’ll just have to say what I’m thinking.  I have been a teacher for over a decade and have not had any disciplinary problem.  Nearly two months ago I was approached by a parent of a senior intern of mine claiming that I had some fixation on them and was stalking them, and that the intern and their friends brought it up to the principal. I didn’t act defensive, just that I was shocked as this was the first time hearing that.  I was never aware that there was a problem and was given the impression that they wanted to stop interning due to being overwhelmed with college stuff and final senior projects, which I of course granted. I tried to talk to the principal immediately after about the parent approaching me and he dismissed it, telling me he couldn’t talk at the time when I mentioned the matter. I went to my union rep, told him everything and told me not to talk to the principal again about the matter without him.  Principal texted me later telling me not to engage the student and that we can talk more the next day.  Union rep was suddenly sick with COVID, but called the principal and the principal didn’t want to get into it but said there would likely be some formal meeting.  A month and change later, I’m reassigned to a central office as the subject of an investigation. 

Something that could have been taken care of within a day or two has now blown up and made an impact on my livelihood.  I was given a letter telling me that I cannot enter any school building in my district, cannot contact students/parents, and cannot do any pedagogical work for my school.  Found out that they couldn’t even get a sub to replace me these last few weeks and turned my class into a study hall.  I got emails from concerned students and parents hoping that I’m okay and it sucks that I can’t even respond.  All they were told is that I’m out due to unforeseen circumstances.

When I got reassigned, I immediately contacted my district union rep and they said all I can do is wait until im approached by an investigator, to not speak to them other than to take their card and get union counsel to be in touch with them.  It has been over two weeks and I’ve heard nothing.  I only have an idea of what the matter is because of that parent, but I do not know any specific allegations on their end or whatever statements were made.  Many people in my city have been reassigned, some lasting weeks, some months, and some even years until their outcome is settled. I know I do not have anything to hide regarding this matter, but I fear the unknown.  I hear stories about other people reassigned, that investigators shoot first before hearing your side of things, that they treat you like dirt and try to find any reason to make you feel like you’re a monster.  When this is over with, and hopefully as painlessly as possible, I am not sure if I want to continue with this profession because I have lost my trust in people at my building, but I fear I wouldn’t know what to do otherwise and lose my benefits on top of that.

I had to increase my anti depressant dose, be prescribed an additional medication to help me sleep, and have been increasing my therapy visits.  As much as I appreciate the support, I feel that this is not really helping.  I’ve been crying everyday, praying, and hoping that this will all go away soon and imagine that this never happened, but I’m not too optimistic about it. I’ve been staying at my parents house more frequently because I’m afraid to be alone and cannot trust myself to cope with everything without doing something drastic.

I just want to live and be happy, and this situation has been pushing me to the edge making me wonder if life is still worth living.  I appreciate the support my family and friends have provided me, but at some point I fear that enough is enough and I will be pushed to that point of no return.  I am sorry.