**CW: Self-harm, suicide.**

I’m currently in the process of switching up my meds (under the supervision of my psychiatrist), which has made my moods even more unstable than usual, and intensified my depression immensely.

As a result, I pretty much feel terrible constantly. The days drag on, and feel endless. I spend them just waiting for the night to come, so I can sleep and not have to deal with being conscious.

Out of nowhere, I just completely broke down. I also have C-PTSD, and I was ruminating over past traumas. The pain was so overwhelming, I turned to cutting again, before spending about two hours sobbing uncontrollably. I could hardly breathe, and my eyes turned bright red from crying.

I revised and added to my suicide note that I have on my computer, something I always do whenever I’m in an especially bad state.

I’m now sitting here, with a headache, a bloody wrist and eyes still stinging from tears. I feel so depleted. I’m exhausted. I’m still hurting so badly. 

I’m going to contact my psychiatrist tomorrow morning and let them know that I’m not coping with this medication plan. 

**I’m not in any danger, and have no intention of harming myself any further, I just needed to get this out.**