I didn't even realise I was depressed for years. It kinda hit me like a brick recently. It made me a poor financial decision - maker and now I'm in a fuckton of debt. I was trying to cope by going to nice restaurants and taking nice ubers and getting myself nice skincare and expensive groceries.

Now I don't have that "coping" mechanism anymore and I crashed. My poor decisions caught up to me, but I'm too deep underwater mentally to climb out financially. I can't handle an office job and I can't self-discipline myself to make my business profitable.

All I want to do is watch YouTube, listen to audiobooks, eat nice foods and isolate myself from everyone, but I can't afford that even. Can't afford therapy, scraping by and just about stealing to settle my debts. But I keep making plans for the future, even as short as today, as if I'm not depressed. I keep overestimating my ability to do things.

I'm so tired and sad and weak, I don't know how to help myself, what do I do? I'm not alone (yet), I have wonderful friends and partner and two cats that love me and I'm not homeless, but that debt... And my partner is in a different country, I need money to relocate to him, he can't afford it either(