How do you move forward with intimacy? I've never had sex, much less, ever kissed anyone.  I've had opportunities that I bring about when I'm hypersexual, and then politely apologize, express my regret, and cancel when it comes down to it 'cause I feel sexually repulsed by that point. There has been very few people who I have not split on like this, and with whom I was actually comfortable with. I was and am terrified that they will be disappointed with the end result, and they will leave me.

Recently, an FP of mine came back into my life, and I was so happy. I thought they were gone forever. They've dealt with my paranoia and general instability before. Given that, I thought they would never deal with me again. They were a part of all the people I always regretted fucking up friendships and relationships with. 

I've worked on myself plenty over the past years. I've gotten alot better at managing my issues. I've read that lots of people with BPD have developed and experienced that sort of intimacy I want already. My question is for you... how did you do it?