Two days ago I posted something so cute about hitting 76 days clean and now I’m all fucked up. Idk what happened but my bf (LDR) said that he wanted to shorten my trip length from a week to just a weekend. This changed comes after about a week of him acting really weird, he says he’s got a concussion but he worked and drank too much making it worse. I was ok with that but I wish he told me before when he was acting weird so I knew. 

He wasn’t talking to me or texting me as much as he used to saying he needs to minimize phone time or he just doesn’t use his phone when he’s out or with fam or friends but he’s with them 24/7!! The phone is literally how we communicate and how this relationship works!! I felt abandoned like he just didn’t care bc he refused to compromise, we went from talking ~1-2 hr on the phone each day and like 500???? texts to like ~30 min on the phone and 100 texts a day. 

I really hurt. I felt alone. He has so much time with his friends and family in person and I don’t ever get to see him, and he still wants to shorten our trip that is literally still a week and a half away bc of his concussion when he literally does the same stuff we’d be doing maybe even more when I came up. He says he needs to feel independent but I’m literally 1000 miles away and am just ducking asking for 8% of ur time every day. 

He knew I had BPD from the start but I have genuinely been able to control it better than ever before until tonight. I just feel like he’s making excuses to not talk to me and not let me come up anymore, but why? You know what my mind jumps to… I believe him when he says he had a concussion but I really just feel like he changed into a different person. He went from being the perfect person everyone loved him promising me everything caring and understanding and now he acts like I’m fucking disgusting and he hates me. 

Tonight he promised me that I would have a chance to call and talk to him for a while, but then he called late and said he was tired and needed to go to sleep to rest up instead but then I texted him a little later and he texted back and he had just been chilling with his brother who he sees CONSTANTLY. And then called his friend instead of talking to me after promising me!! He always sees and talks to these people he lives so close to them! He literally just acts like he fucking hates me and I’ve kept it together for a fucking week and a half and I really just wanted to fuckinf see him for enough time. 

I called him over and over and he blocked me and made his cousin block me and I just SH. Fuck it. Im so sick and tired of everything. Ok goodnight.