this is kind of sad. i'm a senior in high school on spring break and i'm so so lonely.

i lost my big friend group this year. i talk to 2/5 of the people in that group still but it's very hard to hang out with those 2 people because they're busy or hanging out with the others in said group. 

i have a boyfriend and we have hung out twice this past break and we facetime at night. i appreciate and love him a lot. i am so happy when i'm with him. and that's kind of the problem. the only person that i've hung out with is him. and after i lost my friend group, the only person i actively talk to outside of school is him. i'm becoming very very attached and dependent on him. we had a period from feb-march where my mental health was really bad and it was affecting him and we distanced ourselves for a month and that made me realize how dependent i am on him. and i still am. that's another problem i have to fix.

today my bf is hanging out with his friend group, a group that his ex is in (yeah we had big arguments about this bc hanging out with his ex is sus but it's a group that he's close with and he has no one else so i can't ask him to abandon his friends for me, that's selfish). he usually spends the night with these people and i'm kinda jealous that he has these people and is able to do things like this while i'm not. i just feel so lonely. 

i have friends, but they all have friend groups they're a part of. and i can't really squeeze into these friend groups because i don't see the other people at school and i don't really get asked by people to hang out. yeah, sad. i'm known as a nice &amp; friendly person too, it's just, now that it's the end of senior year, most people already have their own established groups and i'm just kinda floating around. also, a lot of these people BARELY respond to texts and snaps, and when they do, it's hours later. i've tried asking them if they want to hang out, but it's usually too late or they say they're busy. 

for more context, my life isn't really going great rn. i have been depressed for a while. on top of that i was just recently rejected from all my colleges except my safety state school and i'm the valedictorian so it hurts really bad seeing all my effort not reward me with any amazing outcomes. i also have family issues and this lack of friends thing hurts a lot as well. and ofc i have normal teen anxieties like not knowing what i want to do with my life, college anxiety, insecurities, etc etc. 

and i know no one wants to be friends with someone that is stuck in their own misery. and that's me right now. it's just so hard making close friends. i just wish i had people i was already comfortable with because it seems like no one around me really wants to hang out with me. no one asks me, they all have closer friends, and i just kinda am drowning in my own loneliness and depression. 

i have hobbies, i do them, but there's nothing like being surrounded and hanging out with friends and honestly, i have not done that since i lost my friend group. it is so hard. i try and try and reach out and no one wants me. i hate it.

*what do i do?* 

i have to do this all over in college to. my bf and i are going to colleges 4 hours away. i need to snap out of my misery and somehow find people that want to do something with me. i am so lonely.