...because I can't. One thing that always makes me sad is seeing other people being very honest and upfront about their mental illness IRL. I hate it because I envy those who can talk about their illness, ask for help or make lighthearted humor about it. I secretly wish I could be like that, but instead I just bottle up feelings. My family and bf don't know my full diagnosis because I'm just too ashamed of it to discuss it. I fear it would look like I'm using it as an excuse for being the shitty person I am. Sometimes I also feel "protective" of my illnesses and when I see someone talking about their struggles my mind goes into this selfish "they are faking it, no one is more fucked up than me, I'm the real one" mode and I know it's totally BS, but I can't help it. I just wanted to get the attention and help everyone else seems to get instead of being judged, but I can't. Open. Up.