I am depressed. 

It all started with burn out. I overworked myself with schoolwork +being an athlete. My normal days used to look like this: 6/7 am wake up depending on the day, than 6-7, even 8 hours of school, than 2 hour practice, and of course doing a lot of hw, learning when I had the time. I was tired every minute of the day, barely had the energy to keep myself running.

I have one more year left of high school and I’ve decided I’m gonna quit sport since I don’t want it as a career and I can’t keep doing this. It was a very hard decision since I’ve played this sport since I was 5 and really love it. 

What makes everything worse is the fact that my mom hates me for quitting. She also absolutely loves the sport and wants me to continue it at least for this remaining year. But I just can’t. I would if I could but I’m so low already I can’t go another year like this.

Oh and now she barely speaks to me, acts like I’m not even here.

I’ve been depressed for quite a while now but this makes everything so much worse I don’t know what to do. I try not to self harm, which is really hard at times, I don’t know for how long I can hold off. Suicide is also on my mind all the time. I’m just slipping lower and lower as the days go by.

Just wanted to get it off my chest.