hey everyone, i don't normally post on reddit, but i can't stop dwelling over something that happened seven months ago. last february, i started dating this 18yr old psych major from my university. we hit it off, and eventually we started dating, yadda yadda yadda. side note: she's diagnosed BPD -- during our time together, she had a massive breakdown and self-surrendered herself to the psych ward, which is where she received an official diagnosis, more so the doctor told her that her current personality's leaning towards the actual adult diagnosis, i guess, more of a premonition -- anyway, doesn't matter. 

we broke said relationship off a few months down the line (towards the end of the final semester) and altogether, i'm left with tons of unanswered questions towards her behaviour towards me -- after our breakup, she'd blame me for things i don't think were my fault and lash out, and she would never take responsibilities over her own actions, always blaming it on her BPD. she'd ridicule and obsess over my traits she didn't like, forcing me to change them. in her eyes, i'm a fucking monster and everything is my fault and she's not to blame for jack shit. i'm so fucking confused and i have no idea what to believe anymore. 

back to the title relevancy:

flashback to university, while we were dating. we were hanging out in her dorms, and i was slightly intoxicated (i had a problem with alcohol). we were just goofing off, being dumb college kids, whatever. this is incredibly embarrassing to admit to both the internet and myself, but in my drunken stature, i remember "playfully" grabbing her chest a couple times, and even going as far grazing her genitals over her pants with two fingers (it was only once, and it lasted about one second). 

ever since this experience, i've apologized profusely. nothing excuses my behaviour, and i KNOW THAT, and i'm so fucking sorry. there's nothing i can say or do to convince her otherwise, let alone talk to her about it. she tells me that i raped her. she tells everyone i raped her. she's posting on social media that i raped her, and that shes doesn't talk about it because the "person who did it made me believe it didn't count because they were high and it wasn't rape." she's posting advocate stuff about sexual assault awareness, and generally acting like a huge social media advocate, and it makes me feel really..confused. i know what i did was incredibly wrong and unforgivable, and i'm not discrediting her or underestimating my actions, but...is this worth it? was she right? i don't know what to do or think. 

thank you, if you read it this far. i'm so fucking confused

TL;DR: my ex girlfriend is claiming i raped her, and i don't know what to believe anymore