Christmas is normally pretty difficult for me. I don't really have a relationship with my parents and my BPD seems to kick into high gear because I am sensitive and sad. 

I keep taking out my emotions and aggression on my boyfriend. Hes not very good at showing affection or emotion - so sometimes when I am at my worst I am a bit sensitive to how he is. He isn't doing anything wrong and honestly he does his best to support me even though he can't understand what I am coping with.

&amp;#x200B;

I just feel defeated. I feel like there is no point in me trying to maintain a relationship and be "normal" when I am so fucking angry and upset.

&amp;#x200B;

I hate Christmas. 