It was with someone I've know for a year, we've always had chemistry, he's tried it so many times. And I've been going through a hard time and my boyfriend was out of town and I gave in. And I feel so guilty.

And funny thing is he treated me completely different after, it's so true once you do the deed everything shifts.

I feel like I view the world different, you do what's good for you at the time, hang out with the person you want to at the time.

Why does it have to be so much more complicated and so many rules :(

I feel better telling you guys about this. If I don't make it a secret then I can own it and it won't eat me up inside.

And it was a good experience! I've wanted to explore, we're young and this is the time to explore. Who knows how long we're on this planet. And I defs gotta spice it up in my personal relationship. Maybe I should be single for a bit. But I know it's always extremes and black and white. I either want to be single and explore or not, and it switches constantly. 

What's the point of following the rules if it stops you from knowing what you want? From living the best life you could. Who made these rules? 

Relationships are hard with BPD eh.