I guess I'm not gonna ditch my suicide plan after all.

I'm neither sad nor depressed anymore. I just want this to get over with. Enough with all the bullshits of "God has plan for you" or "you're brought to this world for a reason".

Stop. There are 8 billions people on this earth. I'm not special. I am a nobody. Who the fuck cares? Even if I live to old age, I will inevitably die and be forgotten anyway. 

Suicide seems like a rational decision for me.

I hope things will turn out better for you out there. Take care of yourself, and stay stronger than me.