
I find I split a lot when I’m in relationships where there is a pattern of toxic behaviour and intermittent validation from my partner. But when things are good I feel as if thats just my BPD brain talking and that in reality the relationship is fine. I definitely swing back and forth between idealizing and devaluing my partner. (internally because I’m a quiet borderline who hates confrontation)
But I genuinely dont know whats real. Is it my emotions going back and forth because of BPD or is it my SO’s unexpected transitions from affectionate to unhealthy that cause this? 
Really confused about what is real. DAE feel like this? What do you do to cope/figure it out?

It should be noted that I rarely split on individuals I have stable healthy relationships with. (Mother, therapist, few close friends)