I (pw/o BPD) ended my relationship with a pwBPD and they wanted an in depth explanation of what happened and where things went wrong. I understand why they needed that but at the time I didn’t want to tell them, because truthfully I needed to end it because they were emotionally abusive, but I didn’t want them to internalise the blame. I thought it would be easier for them to hate me and move on rather than them thinking it was their fault. 

Now I’m thinking perhaps I should have given an explanation to help them move on. It’s too late now- we’ve cut contact, and I don’t want to re-initiate contact and stop them from healing. 

But would you be able to eventually see the flaws in the relationship and understand why things happened? Does it depend on their insight? Will they be okay?

I gave them a half explanation about how my mental health was poor and it was too difficult to continue while I was feeling so bad. They truly didn’t understand nor demonstrate any care for me when I explained how bad my mental health was. Just blamed me and got angry and manipulative. Which is ok. I wasn’t perfectly behaved either. I don’t think any explanation would be sufficient anyway. 

I don’t know. I’m very confused and damaged from this relationship. I have a lot of regrets but I suppose regardless of whether I owed them an explanation or a nicer goodbye it’s too late.