I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life, but the last 2 weeks have been the hardest I've ever experienced. I had surgery on my jaw a week ago to correct an issue that has plagued me for over 10 years. It feels so weird and I'm worried that I will be left in a worst state than I was before. The last week I've just been trying to get through each day. On Thursday I was so close to ending my life that I wasn't even thinking of my friends, or family. At that point my pain was so much bigger than how they'd feel if I was gone. 

I am so blessed to have supportive people in my life, but it feels so overwhelming at times that I don't know if they will be able to help every time. This morning I felt suicidal again, but my brother calmed me down. I'm just so scared, because I know that I don't want to be dead forever, I just want to be out of this situation where I'm constantly worried about my jaw. I have a therapist and I'm on anti-depressant medication, and I'm going to call my doctor about increasing my dose, because I really don't think I'll make it without that. 

Anxiety is one of the most evil beasts that I have ever come across. It knows exactly where to hit you, and it doesn't let up. I just really hope that I'm able to get through this period of my life.