I'm just so sad. I'm batteling hard with addictions, videogames, porn, smoking, junkfood, alcohol. It's all so hard. I'm feeling stressed out by the responsibilities from school, the housing market is looking like shit and i need a new place. I have some trauma's that have yet to be worked on.   


I'm doing as much as i can. I know that. I'm really working for it. But i can't bring myself to get out of this shit chair in front of my computer and excersize. To work on my thesis. To talk about my emotions. I need a hug. I need friends to just lay with on a couch. I need a girl who understands me. I manipulate and lie and am so toxic so i understand they need distance from me. But i'm honestly trying so hard not to be shit.   


In hindsight, this is probably not smart to post. It'd be so nice if somebody just saw i was in pain. I don't always want to say it. It's hard to ask somebody to care for you. It won't work forever.   


I'm just venting and renting. I love you all, i hope you're doing great.