This is the 3rd time I've tried and the reason I was so scared to give it another chance after the first 2 times made me a dysfunctional suicidal crying mess. 

I would LOVE to get better. That would be great. I would fucking love to be over my trauma. But there is so much of it, incluing lots that I had pretty much forgotten about. Now ALL of it is on the fucking surface and it's killing me. I don't want to think about these things. I don't want it pointed out how much it subconsciously impacts me. I was much happier living in denial and dissociative amnesia. 

It had gotten to the point where I feel like I need therapy *for* my therapy in addition to more medications if I'm going to remain functional. I cannot live my life *and* rip myself apart this way every week. It is making me want to kill myself again. And it took A LOT of work to have a will to live and not harm myself. That will is starting to fade and I'm scared of what might happen if this keeps up.

Should I just say, "Well, this isn't working," and quit? Is giving up the wise thing to do? I feel like I'm putting myself in danger.

TL;DR: the main thing I'm getting out of trauma therapy is a desire to selfharm and kill myself. Should I just quit the therapy?