
I am so sad right now, just laying in bed and silently crying while my boyfriend sleeps next to me. I’m so tired of feeling so sad. Does anyone else just absolutely struggle with living with an SO? I got so much worse after we moved in together, a couple years ago, and I thought it would get better but it hasn’t. Here’s how my typical day goes: 

- I wake up. He’s laying next to me in bed, usually, on his phone. I say good morning and if he doesn’t seem enthusiastic enough, or doesn’t put down his phone to cuddle me, I immediately feel rejected. Sometimes I’ll pick fights at this time and don’t even fully understand why. 
- The obsessive thought loop about him begins, which continues all day. Why didn’t he hug me when he came in the bathroom while we’re getting ready? Why does he seem distracted? Why is he doing this to me? What will he do next? 
- We eat breakfast near each other. If he’s on his phone, I stare at what he’s doing, which is usually something on social media. I despise this. I don’t know why I despise it so much. I hate that he is constantly posting his thoughts on Twitter, thoughts that he doesn’t always share with me. I start to feel anxious and angry that he’s engaging with these internet strangers over me.
- We start our work day (we both work from home). I try to see what he’s doing on his computer and get incredibly anxious/annoyed if I see he’s on Twitter again. If he’s talking to a female coworker, I try to see the conversation. I wait as long as I can before coming up and engaging with him, all the while being angry that he’s not taking breaks to come up to me himself (to say hi, or kiss me, or ask how it’s going). I try to suppress this and tell myself I’m being crazy, I’m overly needy, etc. 
- the work day mercifully ends. He usually makes us dinner and I sometimes help. This is the only part of my day where I feel secure— I know that we will sit and watch tv together for at least an hour, and hold hands, and I will feel loved. If this doesn’t happen, I feel incredibly sad and angry, and usually start a fight about whatever else he’s doing.
- After the show is over, the anxiety returns. Will he want to hang out with me? He needs to hang out with me if he really loves me. I don’t want to feel rejected. I nervously ask if we can watch another episode. Sometimes he’ll say yes and I am overjoyed. Sometimes he wants or needs to do something else, and I am sad and feel alone and unwanted. 
- Bedtime. He spends a lot of time fawning over his cat, which I hate. I wish he would show the same kind of affection to me. I’m sure he loves the cat more than me. I start to tense up with anxiety whenever I see him being overly affectionate with the cat. 
- We get in bed. If he doesnt put his arm over me when we fall asleep, I cry quietly. Sometimes, I cry even when he does, because it feels halfhearted and limp. 
- This is the only time I really feel peace— after he falls asleep and I am still awake. I can stop thinking about him and tracking what he’s doing and seeing if he loves me for a bit. I can read articles and things are okay, but I’m dreading the next day of anxiety. I am scared he’ll wake up and say he wants to try a new hobby, or hang out with a friend, or anything else. I am terrified of anything taking away our time together. 

Does anyone else feel like this?? I need to know I’m not alone. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I don’t want to break up with him, but I’m miserable. I don’t know what to do :(