To make a long story a bit more palatable, I’ve suffered crippling panic attacks, anxiety, and bipolar disorder my whole life. I’ve been working really hard with my therapist to work through my childhood trauma (a variety of abuse) and after a particularly feverish writing session, I hit the holy grail of self discovery. I realized a very critical event that launched my life long struggles. Basically, due to neglect and abuse, I discovered my mortality, my vulnerability way too young, and without any care or guidance after the event. From this, a fear based need to control arose, and has been quietly undermining me since. I learned about death before I learned about life. I learned about my helplessness before I discovered person strength. I’ve been living in a “crisis state” ever since. This includes rituals, hoarding behavior, catastrophic thinking, and “buffer” tactics. Now that I know where this stems from, I’m at a loss. The idea has been frozen since it’s discovery. I have no clue what to do with this information, how to move forward with it, even how to analyze it. Any insight would be so very appreciated. Thanks reddit.