When we met she warned me she was diagnosed with clinical depression since she was around 13 years old. I couldn't care less, but clearly I wasn't ready.
After many hospitalizations and a failed suicide attempt, we both drastically changed and if I sometimes felt my knees shaking and the world tumbling around me, I still feel brave enough.
Now the diagnosis changed too, and we discovered that this depression was the result of a well know disorder, BPD. It was quite the revelation, a relief and a huge question mark at the same time.
She's getting back on her feet but I realise that I don't understand what she lives at all and it's frustrating. I want to learn what happens when she switch from being a divine ray of light shining on my world to... Well, a dragon! I want to know what she lives, which words could help, I want us to get better.
I'm struggling because she is often very irrational and easily goes against her own principles because "f*ck it", it's hard to keep her from spending every cent we have without acting like a dad.. I'll stop there because I'm sure you understand and it's getting long!