Haven't been in a relationship in 8 months, use to be depressed and such but I've sort of just been indifferent. I use to be in several short term ones involving idolization and such, but that addiction kind of just stopped. 

I truly do want a connection with someone but every time I try to converse I'm just socially inept, I will reply with more then 1-2 worded responses and ask questions about the other person to
Show my interest in them but it just doesn't come naturally to
me, everything they say I have to carefully think what I'm saying next. It's f**king draining. 

Even if the other person is actually a good person I just find it so difficult to truly invest myself, there's just to much insecurity I have going for me to actually truly believe in a long term goal with them. I can only find people where we just love bomb each other and move on when it gets boring. Usually I feel the emptiness but the thought of being so lonely and aging sets me into a heart sinking panic. 

Literally all I've been doing is working long hours at a security job, sleeping, and sometimes playing a game. I use to have some friends to talk to but I've just gone hermit crab mode, I only have one left and I know we'll be friends for the long run (He's also fairly emotionally apathetic, I'll be there for him when he needs, but I need a connection which I don't think I'll ever truly achieve) I've ghosted everyone and everytime they message I want to reply but I hate brining this social instability into peoples lives. 

Does anyone else feel similar? Any tips on making connections or friendships with QBPD traits?