It all started in 2020 when I became friends with this girl, we'll call her Debby. I quickly became obsessed with her and wanted to be the best in her eyes, the closest to her. At the time I had a clear FP who we'll call Sharon. I ruined things with both of them. I think it's important to note that these are online relationships. Well, anyway, I had a meltdown and blocked them all over (social media, phone numbers, etc). I can't reach out to Sharon because she has me blocked everywhere too and I don't want to harass her from a different account.   


Anyway, I've tried reaching out to Debby twice since this occurred. It wasn't until this year that she messaged me back and was open enough to discuss how we both hurt one another. We're on talking terms again. I think that Debby was my second FP prior to the meltdown in addition to Sharon. I didn't have a label for how I felt about them at the time because it wasn't until after everything went down that I got a diagnosis and started to research. Now that I know what a FP is, I'm 100% sure that Debby is my FP. I can't tell if I'm in love with her romantically or not, everything she does affects my moods, how often we talk or don't talk affects my moods, I get ridiculously jealous about other people that talk to her, etc.   


I told her that she is my FP and a little about what that means, but also that I take responsibility for my own actions and reactions. I don't want her to feel pressured to act a certain way. I just want to ask her so desperately how she feels toward me, how she sees me, what I mean to her. I know nothing will amount romantically because she's married. I'd love to know that she views me as a friend and someone she can trust. It's only been 4 days since we started talking again, so I've held off on asking at the advice of my friends, but damn do I want to.   


This leads to a secondary concern. I have a best friend who has stuck with me from 2019 until now. I really want to tell her about my FP, but I don't want her to feel insecure. She's still my number one friend, but how do I explain that favorite person is a category unto itself? I hate not being open with her, it feels like I'm lying or keeping a secret from her, which I've never done before. Should I tell her or continue to hold onto it?