I recently got my license at 23, very late for a lot of reasons, and I am absolutely filled with anxiety about it but more than anything I do not feel like I can trust myself to drive a car because as soon as I have a bad day what’s to stop myself from driving off of a cliff? My impulse control is not good enough to have something with so much potential to harm. But driving is important and you really can’t live without it where I live. This causes me to have very unbalanced relationships where my boyfriend has to drive me everywhere and ends up messing up the power dynamic in addition to all the other horrors of having a relationship while BPD. 

I’m afraid to drive a car on my own because I fear that I will give in to my suicidal impulses and crash the car on purpose. 