Since my mom passed 3 years ago I’ve had an inability to connect with others. I’ve kind of always been this way, I guess. Never really had friends growing up. Then after my Mom died, and no one was there for me, I cut off all the “friends” I kept around just because - they weren’t good friends anyway. 

But now I struggle SO much just to connect with other humans. People talk to me and it just all seems so vapid and unimportant. And it could be the people I come in contact with — but everyone?? And at the same time I want friends and people to talk to and connect with so badly and it just feels like I’m unable?

But also, I feel like people aren’t really trying to “connect” with each other anymore. I just miss in-depth conversations, I miss the honesty, the vulnerability of connecting with another human. Idk.

Is this like.. a BPD thing like... chronic boredom? Idk. Idk of any of this makes sense. Hard to organize my thoughts sometimes...