So yea... I am in a bit tricky situation... I have actually been in high school (my field of study focuses mainly on the propagation of goods, how to creatively or accurately propagate them) for three years and this year is the last but we have practical exams which I'm not sure if I get through...

I'm glad that I have such amazing classmates that helped me but overall I have been through hell in this school... I don't enjoy what I'm doing there and it has worsened my mental issues really badly... I have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression, I'm not sure what I want and what I enjoy anymore.

So back to the topic, even if I get through this high school, I have to be accepted into economic high school for 2 years where I will get like a list, idk how it is called in English, but in my country, u kinda need it to get any type of job, that doesn't need some type of special training but... they accept just 30 students which is a REALLY small amount in comparison of how many students are trying to get there and they're also more problems but anyway...

I decided to try to get accepted into game design since I really enjoy playing games and I'm impressed by people who create games and I have tried to create a small board and it was quite fun but it was also kinda frustrating cuz I have a hard time to get enjoyment from almost anything... In that game design, there is also more focus on painting and drawing... I liked to draw and paint before high school started but then I kinda stopped drawing and painting and I did just a really few scribbles from time to time but after the years I started to miss it and I want to get back to it and have fun with it, get better at it, create comics and idk... I just want to create but at the same time whenever I start to draw I start to feel anxiety a few minutes after and the drop of creative thrill that made me grab the pen, it vanishes as fast as it peeked out into my mind... I have a real big issue to concentrate on kinda anything for more than like 10 minutes...

Well anyway, I actually got accepted into the high school thanks to some damn miracle lol, even if I haven't drawn for a few years and it was for the second time I tried to draw a real-life portrait and got 25 out of 30 for that xd... but I have a big fear that I will kinda suffer the same as I do in the school I am right now since that's kinda the way I have experienced high school and I also feel like I'm not good enough to be there since it is kinda thanks to my weird stubbornness that decided to get me into there... so yeah but I don't really have much choices xd...

I go out with my friends and "enjoy" life but it more feels like I'm just distracting myself from the realization that I can't truly enjoy it...

mhm I haven't really found a similar post to mine so I hope there is someone who can relate...