This bothers me so much. My mom never owns up to anything she does.


Last week I had terrible anxiety, and I cancelled dinner with my mom. We'd made the plans very casually that afternoon and I didn't think it'd be a big deal or that we'd even eat at the table. She was gonna make nachos and even said that my brothers would be home sometime later to eat. 



She was incredibly angry, because apparently they made more for me and my bf and they were waiting at the dinner table. I felt supershitty about that. I apologized and she hung up on me. An hour later she sent me a picture of a dish in the trash with the caption, "look, this is all the food I have to throw away because of you! Nice!" 


I called her later that evening and apologized again, saying that she's right that it was rude of me to cancel, and that I was sorry for her having to waste the nachos. I explained about my anxiety and that I should've canceled earlier, when I felt it coming on. Then she suddenly brought up my bf and my best friend, and said that they were a bad influence on me. She asked me if I thought that rude behavior was okay now, if I learned that from my bf and his friends with whom I've been hanging out. 


I told her, no, I just did something rude and made a mistake. She wouldn't back down and kept talking shit about my best friend, which really hurt because she's known that friend since she was a baby as well and should know that she isn't a bad person. I thought it was really out of line and weird.


I told her, "Mom, I'm 25 years old. Do you seriously think that everything I do is because of other people's influence, like I'm a pawn?" and she said, "yes! I do think that! You are volatile and mentally ill." I asked her again, "do you not think I have agency? You just think I'm some fragile doll, not a person with opinions that can make their own choices." She blatantly confirmed that, "Yes! I do think that! Because it's true!". 


I told her to stop shit talking my friends and that I thought it was fucking awful that she respected me so little. She hung up on me.


She texted me later, "when you talk to me like that I don't have an ounce of respect for you, that's true." 


I feel like I didn't "talk to her" in any sort of way. I apologized for my mistake and she insulted me and all of my friends in response. I am so hurt over this. It's really fucking cringy and stupid but I texted back "Ok boomer." Yeah I know that was dumb and mean but I was at my wit's end and felt powerless.  


This happened two weeks ago and I haven't heard a word from her. This always happens. She will not start talking to me again, she will wait for me to call her during a crisis and beg for help or to apologize to her. But you know what, I have a good network of people around me and no matter how sad I am, I am not going to give in. She will not even own up to 10% of the blame in this argument. It's all because I'm mentally ill. It's always like that. And when I bring up something she said or did she tells me it's a false memory because of my illness or that I took it out of context. Lately I'm starting to realize that that isn't always true.