The older I get, the more unhappy I become with reality. It's so heavy and overwhelming to be here. And what's even worse is I feel bad for complaining and feeling so negatively.

It's so much more peaceful to meditate and imagine myself in a peaceful paradise where I can do whatever I want and be whatever I feel like. 

Sadly, whatever the imagination is or whatever its purpose is, I must remind myself that I am not there. I wake up and I have to eat and breathe or there will be pain. I have to work or there will be no food or water. 

I hope that maybe someday my imagined world will be my real reality, but I have no way of knowing this is for certain. This gives me existential dread. I'm not here to produce babies like everyone else. I'm tired of working and living for myself. I just want to go to sleep and be in the world where my dreams are based. I hate the idea that life could be the end-all-be-all and that there is nothing else but this one rock floating in outerspace.

I hate the idea that I couldn't have been born into a cartoon with no drama where the characters are sentient lifeforms where there is no need to kill, steal from, or eat each other. If this is the Normal Mode, put me in the Easy Mode. If this is the Survival Server, put me on the Casual Server. Please God or whoever, whatever is out there. Let this be a thing for at least the people who are sick of this place. I have nothing against the Earth, but Nature and Humanity are both brutal, even though they can be inspiring and beautiful at times. Eventually you see enough, and enough is enough.

Thank you.