I no longer fear it or what comes after
Nothing can compare to what comes at present
An onslaught of emptiness, disconnection, and pain
Knowing I’ll never be the same as everyone else

I’m not like the others, and maybe never have been
The narcissist inside says I’m misunderstood but the truth is I know myself too well 
Angry, insecure, drawn to anything with bells and whistles but drawn to nothing with depth or emotions 

I’m too tired to keep going like this 
All that awaits is heartbreak and monotony 
For what? I don’t know who I am anymore or what I believe. Every day I put on an elaborate ruse of a good son, a good partner, a good friend. But did I ever really care about anyone but myself?  


All I know is my pain, my constant need to be loved and reassured, and the gulf that separates me from the rest of humanity. Save for the few habits that still fill up my persistent emptiness, like sex, gambling, and other people, very little of me feels. I know what awaits my relationships as the faux emotions and love drain away from the cup with a hole in the bottom.