Recently it has gotten really bad, I don't know why I'm this way because I have zero reason to. But these past few months have been rough, I no longer feel any emotion most of the time although sometimes I might have a few hours a week where I feel pretty good or a few hours where I feel sad, but in general I feel absolutely no emotion. I just saw a really sad video of a kitten being rescued and I got that feeling you get when you are 100% about to cry but nothing happened and I just snapped right back to feeling nothing again. 

I got slightly drunk on the weekend which was the first time because all the other times I've drank nothing happened. But it's been like 5 days since then and I feel like I'm in a dream, nothing feels real, the biggest thing is I can't for the life of my focus. I'm sitting in bed typing this while zoned out for God's sake. I can't not be zoned out which is really hard for school work because I'm taking really heavy courses. I'm so done right now I just want this to be over