I was involved with a woman sexually in high school and after it was discovered by her parents (?) or reported(?) I was initially confused followed by guilt. I thought that her parents or something got mad at her and reported what was going on as we were both minors at the time. I’ve always been an awkward/oblivious person, and I’ve even gotten a psyche evaluation clearly stating I show clear signs of traits that are found in people with autism. I’ve been afraid of making a pass at someone because “what if I’m not understanding what’s going on here” so I first felt like the scum of the earth. Thinking that “shit I must’ve pressured her into something she didn’t wanna do but didn’t realize it”I fully cooperated the cop that was asking me questions and anyone involved in this  situation. At some point though I didn’t have proof as I didn’t even save our chat logs or anything because i think she had people leak her stuff before and wanted her to feel comfortable. Looking back at it I’m shocked I never even got in any “legal trouble” despite NOT ACTUALLY DOING ANYTHING. How the fuck am I supposed to deal with sexual frustration when I’m traumatized by this???

The cops etc realized I wasn’t guilty) shockingly good cops exist), and suggested to me that I don’t talk to anyone about what happened. I didn’t listen to them and started telling my friends what happened and they didn’t trust me. They just went away. I’d understand initially if it was when I had been accused but I wasn’t ever charged or ANYTHING! It retrospect it’s good because I couldn’t have relied on them anyway but JESUS!


I wish there was someone there for me who actually cared about me for who I am. I don’t want to fall in love or anything, I’m not sure if I want to call people friends. I’ve dealt with quite a fair amount of trauma and without fail whenever I try and find genuine people in the world who don’t take advantage of me It never works out. 

I feel so hopelessly lonely and I don’t think it will change. I heard some comedian say “only women and kids are loved unconditionally, men are only loved under the condition that they provide something.” And while it was said as a joke, I think there’s a good amount of truth to it. Not saying there aren’t good women out there or anything, of course there are. It’s just that I’ve only met one of them and  I’ve been alive for 19 years.