I haven’t been in a relationship in 2, almost 3 years because my last one kind of messed with my head. Even after getting over her, how she treated me and how she made me feel has stuck with me. I can’t say I was the most perfect human being but I started going to therapy after the breakup which is when I was diagnosed with BPD. 

Recently I started communicating with this really awesome girl (just via social media) and I really wanted to ask her for her number and if she wanted to hang out because in a few weeks we will be living insanely close to each other. 

While we are still having a conversations, the thought of her saying yes scares me way more than her saying no. If she says no, I move on with my life still being single but “safe” but if she says yes, that means my feelings could grow, our relationship could grow into something more romantic, and then every day I will be in my head about my BPD, and just myself in general and how it affects my relationship. 

Playing it safe always seem like the best bet which sucks because sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on really awesome opportunities.

Sometimes I just feel like I’m not worthy of a romantic relationship because I will either hurt someone or hurt myself. And it’s typically myself and my unrealistic expectations.