so over the course of a year it's been on and off and every time depression hits again it seems to get worse each time. lately it's gotten really bad. i'm constantly contemplating suicide. everything seems so fine and dandy until it's nighttime and it all comes crashing down. it's like a balloon with too much inside of it, it ends up popping with all that's inside of it leaking on the ground. idk what i want to get out of this. maybe to feel like i'm not alone. idk. i wish i was just heard and not listened to.