Today I woke up and tried to go through the motions of Adulting but I just crashed and had a panic attack, so I took anti-anxiety medication and lay in bed for like 6 hours instead, wasting my entire day. I feel so frustrated that I can't just function. I have so many things piling up that I need to do, and I can't do it all by myself because many of them are things I simply do not know HOW to do, and no one will help me.

And as I think on it more and more, everything I've ever enjoyed or been happy about is in the past now. My best friend is moving out of the city and all my other friends never bother to talk to me, even if I reach out first. I'm on SSDI and that'll be taken away if Trump wins this fall. Sorry for the politics but, he said it himself. The things I loved doing can't happen anymore because of the pandemic and people keep dragging it out longer and longer by being selfish. My family is all either insane or very unaccepted of me or both, plus they live far away. No family lives in my city. And the longer this goes on the more I don't see any end in sight to these compounding issues.

October is my favorite month but I can already see it being miserable now, I can't have the company of hardly anyone and I can't do anything for Halloween so what's even the point? My whole spring and summer was spent inside because everyone else wanted to keep going outside, and both myself and my roommate are at high risk if we get sick so we can't do anything, and now it's almost winter. I live in a state that has basically 8 months of extremely cold dark weather and I get really bad seasonal depression.

I don't see any point in even trying because I have nothing to look forward to and I can't see how anything is going to get better at this point.