 
Hello,

Please share my story. I hope to reach the ones that need it and the ones that don't know they need to read my life's story. This is a process I have been working on for over a year now and I hope this helps me keep moving forward in life. And hopefully can reach others in need. 
 
Most of you don’t know me and my family. I have something I have been holding in for over 30 years. Most of you are going to question things and it's going to be hard to hear. I mean no harm to anyone but when my "family" doesn't believe me and doesn't try to talk about it, I have to let the world know the truth. They are walking around life like it couldn't be better. Well everyone that knows and are around them, just know they have abandoned their son/brother for the last time and I will never be in their presence ever again! And they are disgusting, lying, untrustworthy people. There are a bunch of people that have told me that my father was one of their best teacher/coach. Well maybe he should of been the best "parent" first and then helped you all out. He failed me. 
 
I was not strong enough. Holding it in for 30 years and scared to destroy what I thought was a "family", I personally wasn't ready to tell them. I finally was strong enough to let my wife be my voice. She is an unbelievable women. All of you couldn't believe how they reacted. No one cried, said sorry, or excepted it. All they did was get mad and make excuses. Matter of fact, they sent the cops to bang on my door for a wellness check up for my wife. They really think we are delusional by telling them this.
 
When I was 4 years old, my brother, Travis, started to sexually abuse me. This continued for many years and stopped abruptly when I was going into middle school. I lived through this abuse for 6 years during one of the most important times in a child life to grow. All of this has lead me to be abuser myself. I have had sexual relationships with men and women through out my life. Some of you grew up right next to me and you know what we did growing up. I will not be naming them but they know. This has always lead me to believe I might be bi or gay. And with where I grew up and with the homophobic parents I had, it would been terrible to come out, if I was. At this point in my life, I have accepted the fact that I am bi sexual. I love my wife with everything and hope to die old with her. 
 
All of this has lead me to having a sexual relationship with another family member for a very long time. This is what I was taught and thought it was ok. Even when I got to a point in life when I knew it was wrong, something would take over and it would happen again. I'm really sorry to that person. We have talked about this and agreed how screwed up our past was. I will never talk to them again. I have shaped their life forever. And I'm so sorry. I feel neither of us had a chance.
 
I lived with rotting teeth in the back on my mouth for over 6 years starting at the age of 12, because my parents could not be the fucking parents they needed to be. I remember l stole the baby oral gel that we had during these times and having to constantly apply it every fucking day. I also remember having to pop pea sized puss balls that developed on my gums.
 
Also growing up, I was a constant bed wetter until I was 18 years old. One day when I was still in elementary school, my mother took me to the doctor to have a tube shoved up my penis to check how much my bladder would hold. We also had an electric pad that would set off an alarm when I would pee at night. This was added pressure to hold onto secrets for my life. School would have been even worse if this would have came out. 
 
I have done many questionable things growing up and I want to make sure I apologize to the ones I have hurt over the years. I will take full responsibility but please understand that I was created by a monster and parents that didn't care enough to look out for you or I. If you like to talk about our past relationship, I am willing to hear you and help if I can. I am truly sorry for what I have done in my life. I fight this fight every day and I hate myself. This is the most damaging part of this recovery process. I have to accept the wrongs I have done and own them. With this I really hope it will bring some closer. 
 
I have serious mental issues now growing up the way I have. I have attempted suicide and been in and out of the mental hospital. I have terrible self confidence and hate myself so much everyday. I continue to put my wife and kids through hell daily. I am spending thousands of dollars every year to go to therapy and pay for medicine. I am in daily pain and struggles to survive every single day, while my "family" are walking around life posing as "GOD" people, adopting children, and thinking nothing is fucked up in their lives. They are completely fake and are willing to brush this away and forget it. I will not stand for it any longer. Why does my wife, my kids and I have to live like this nightmare every day? Why do I have to cry repeatedly at work? Why do I have to be mean my children and wife because of this? Why do I have to live with constant anger? Why am I still being punished?
 
My wife and kids now have to live with this. They are choosing to stand with me through this nightmare of a childhood. I have lost them enough times that I can't lose them anymore. I have put them through hell too many times. My life will never be easy for the rest of my life but I have the strongest person next to my side, my wife, Skyler. Without her none of this would be possible and no one would of ever know the truth. I need to change my life for the good.
 
It has been almost a year since my wife called and told them what happened. Still no one attempts to reach out and talk about this. I am doing this for myself and my family. It's been long enough and none of us will stand for it any longer. I am moving on with my life and trying to stand with my head held high. We have one life during our time here and we have to make the most of it. I'm tired of holding this in. I hope everyone takes a look at themselves and protect their loved ones. Ask the questions that are hard to ask. You could save someone's life. 
 
To the ones that need to hear this the most:
 
To my father, Scott,
FUCK YOU!! You are a completely waking alcoholic and were mean to my mom. I have acquired those traits of being mean. I have never able to connect with you. The only times I remember you told me loved me were when I was suicidal. You are so fucking racist, I can’t stand being around you.
 
To my mom, Annette,
FUCK YOU!! You should of protected me. You always had a drink in your hand too. You waited over a week to contact me and when I confirmed it myself, you still didn't believe me. You complained that my wife called. You were looking for answers on how to deal with this in me. You need to look at yourself and admit you fucked up all these years.
 
To my brother, Travis,
FUCK YOU THE MOST!! I hope this fucking eats at you for the rest of your life until you admit to yourself and your family. One big question you need to ask yourself is who fucked with you before you started with me? I never fucking deserved this. You had a couple of other friends growing up that can and should be able to back me up! Hopefully they are understanding and willing to speak up. I remember having to use this abuse for you to hang out with me. You abused my love I had for you. I have to live the nightmare watching you touch me and make me preform sex act on you. You are the mother fucker that when we told you, you blamed it on my head injuries.... NO!!! You fucking suck. You stole my whole life until now. This is where I take control.
 
To my sister in law, Haley,
FUCK YOU! I can not believe how you reacted. He is not the person you think he is. We have been lying this whole time. God will not save you from this. He will not shine his light down. This is something you need to look into yourself and find what is right.

To my aunts and uncles,
I'm sorry but your brother/sister let this go on and have endangered your children too! You can say thank you to them.
 
 
To my wife, Skyler, 
I LOVE YOU! I couldn't of done this with out you. I have been terrible to you for so long and it is not ok. You are the strongest person in the world to me. Getting off heron, stop smoking cigarettes, and my favorite is no more alcohol. With you starting your companies is so rewarding to see you accomplish so much in front of me. You continue to find it in your heart that I do not want to be like this any longer and what happened to that little boy all those years is so fucking messed up. Our life will not be easy but we will forever be together if you will have me. I love you with everything I have and can not wait to see what the future bring us.
 
To my kids, Crew and Archie,
I LOVE YOU! Daddy is so sorry. I have not been the role model I should have been. I want our life to better and be someone you can look up to. I know it has not been easy for you. Sorry I had to spend so much time alone in my room by myself crying. Depression and abuse is a real thing. I hope you can accept me in your life and be proud of me. Everything I do is to protect you from the nightmare of my life.

To the parents out there,
Please watch your children. Spend time doing what they want to do. Sit and watch what's on their screens. Remember they have thoughts and memories that are shaping them to be who they will be. Kids are very sneaky and have secrets too. No one is perfect but remember your inner child and your memories.
 
And lastly to anyone out their scared to come out,
You are loved! You can make it out some day and today might be the last day you will hold it in. It hasn't been easy to get this far in life and willing to accept it. You will find that fire in you to keep going. Do not feel defeat if someone doesn't believe or wants to listen. Trust me, someone is out there ready to help you. I hope you find the strength in this letter and make something great of yourself. 
 
You thought you knew someone,
Trevor