sorry for the super long post


I was actually diagnosed with BPD myself, and after years of searching for the right therapist/medication, I no longer fit the diagnostic criteria. I still struggle with depression, and some strange behaviors, but I'm so much better than I was in the past. I don't throw tantrums and break things or try to kill myself when I'm fighting with my boyfriend.. I just act like a needy pain in the ass. 


He on the other hand is an emotional train wreck. I mean, the way he behaves is pretty much the polar opposite of me (whether I'm in major distress mode, or just my normal temperament). He is super logical, cold, aloof, etc. I don't even know if he can feel emotions. But sometimes his behaviors are really troublesome. He's tried a few therapists (his most recent one of a month or 2 diagnosed him as bipolar) but never quite sees the point. He says they want to talk about his feelings and his painful past too much. I mean, that's the point.. but i get it. Until you find one that you click with, or until you're really ready, therapy is pointless. 


Anyway, when he is "normal," while he is very hesitant to open up, he's usually able to explain what's driving his behaviors. He has a huge fear of abandonment. He's told me that any hint of rejection or perceived abandonment and he will leave me in a second. He needs to feel "needed," and in control of the relationship. Any time that he feels that I'm getting some sort of power in the relationship he'll pull some kind of messed up stunt to bring me down, because in his mind, as soon as I have any kind of control I'll hurt him. 


Now all of this I completely understand. That kind of mindset sounds like BPD in a nutshell. But the way he acts is so foreign to me. I mean, sometimes he'll do the whole "I'm cheating on you haha no I'm not just testing you.." "We're breaking up haha no we're not just wanted you to beg for me back" bullshit that is all too familiar to me. But sometimes he'll just.. disappear. Usually for just a few days to a week. This time it's going on two weeks, which I feel is quite awhile, but usually I give him some time to cool down, whereas this time I've been calling and texting him nonstop. He just blatantly ignores me. I've never thought to bring it up when things are good, because I don't want to rock the boat.  I just don't understand. When I'm with someone, and for whatever reason things feel "off" I cling like a mother fucker. I turn into the worst stereotype of a nagging bitch of a woman.. I could never just not speak to someone for months.


I'm definitely not trying to web-diagnosis him or anything (as if that would accomplish anything), but I feel like many of his behavioral patterns/thought processes are similar to mine, especially before recovery. This is just something I've never dealt with before. I'm hoping this sort of post isn't unwelcome here (I comment here quite frequently on my main account lol) and I'm just wondering if anyone here ever gives the silent treatment. And if so, how am I supposed to deal with it? Especially when my default is to just incessantly call him until I can MAKE him speak to me.