It's the same as every day, I woke up very late at night supposedly to study for tomorrow but something is wrong this time, something in the atmosphere is reminding me of everything that has happened. Not sure if it's because it's the same time of the year that it all happened or if it's just the way everything is set up. My thoughts are running wild. I can't focus and memories are killing me. I have no one to talk to and I don't feel like I even want to talk about it but I don't even have anyone to chit-chat with about random shit to make me forget and it's so quiet and lonely here, a bit cold and a slight headache that brings me back to the same feeling I had these days before the incident.   
I wish I didn't feel like I'm no longer human anymore, something feels strange I don't feel like I experience emotions like I used to do anymore and I don't feel like I even want to connect with people for the sake of it anymore. I feel extremely lonely yet at the same time disgusted at the thought of ever befriending people   
I wish I could just erase it all from my memory I just wish I never had to live through it, I wish I could be a person without it but something is telling me that even then, what's the point? My life is useless anyways and I'm a broken human maybe even broken ever since I was a child not just after this last straw, I never managed to make meaningful relationships with people it has always been chaotic. I at first thought it was cause of me being introverted and different but even these people, they have close relations but for me, I'm the problem. Something is not right with me and it's coming at my expense. But who gives a shit? My life serves to nothing anyways. I'll never get to feel "okay" I just have to use what's left of it for achieving something, that's the only way people manage to make their suffering meaningful especially when this suffering is eternal