Last Friday I had a pretty bad breakdown/emotional episode that resulted in me giving myself a black eye and a few other bruises on my face. I haven't engaged in SH since then and I'm trying to do better. I reinstalled my Calm App to try and track my feelings better, I've put reminders around my home for when I get overwhelmed to try to redirect myself when I'm tempted to engage in SH.

But all I feel right now is really, really depressed. I fucking hate looking in the mirror right now because all I see is an ugly bruised dumb dumb who did this to herself. All I wanna do is sleep all day so I don't have to look at myself and hope that I wake up with a healed, normal looking face.

I'm trying not to slip into a shame spiral, and I don't know how to keep myself from metaphorically beating myself up because I literally beat myself up.

I don't know what the point of me writing this is other than to get it out and maybe have some sense of accountability. Any advice, suggestions or support is welcome.