i’ve always had anxiety since i could remember. it has been SUPER manageable though. never made my debilitated or ruined my day. fast forward to march 2021 where i had the most bizarre feeling i’ve ever had. i had dealt with a lot of death at the time, i had been stuck at home due to covid for over a year, i felt stuck in life but i didn’t know those things were building up. and one day, i snapped. i was in the middle of talking to my mom and all of a sudden my brain said to me “oh. you’re not gonna have your mom someday” and i absolutely lost it. i had the worst panic attack of my life and the pit in my stomach didn’t leave for days. 3 days of this panicky feeling,i went to my pcp. he recommended medication and therapy. he started me on lexapro right off the bat. without trying therapy, or any other healthy habits, i jumped right to medication. i feel like this was such a big mistake. lexapro ended up making me worse. i was on it for 3 months and got worse. i tried luvox and it did the same thing. im now 2 weeks on effexor (i understand that is not even close to enough time to know if it’s working) but i feel like my anxiety at this point is just consistently about if the meds will work. i feel like i don’t even know the real cause of this and i’m just trying to mask it. i feel like meds are not meant for me. i feel like i sabotage them in my brain to the point where they won’t work. i try so hard to be positive but it doesn’t work. i started therapy this week and i felt like it actually helped a little. he told me that he thinks i’m capable of handling my anxiety without meds but can keep trying them if i want to. i just feel like i need to stop taking them back to back to back. try therapy for a while and other healthy habits and see how that goes. my life is a lot different compared to when this started. i have my license, i have a job, i can get out of the house now. i feel like these things will help my anxiety
more compared to how medication makes me feel. i feel anxious all the time rn. constant butterflies. my biggest fear is that this is somehow a mistake and i’ll just be terrible off meds. but they have never helped.i have felt on edge and anxious almost every day for 7 months. i feel like this is the right thing. but i’m so drained.