First of all I would like to apologize if this is not the right subreddit to tell my "story", please direct me if you know to the most appropriate one.

The relevant part of the story starts in 2012, when straight off university I decide to move from Italy to New York to do an internship in the city. During my first week of work I met this crazy funny and outgoing girl, and a group of friends she introduced me to. In the course of the next 12 months I live what I consider the best year of my life, traveling, working, studying, getting in shape.

The girl pretty soon moves in with me, and we keep staying together for the year in the US. Great times, she is outgoing, loves to eat and drink, we travel and experience together. Plus she speaks my language as she studied abroad, and even met my parents in NY when they came to visit. Around Christmas I am enrolled into NYU, and i start to miss home so while discussing with the girl we decided that we could both move back to Italy and look for a job there. I loved NY but had no job and couldn't afford to stay, perhaps I thought I'll be back at some point. Never did. 

We move to italy and not too long until the first friction with my family start. They are crazy demanding, grew some resentment for her and do not see eye to eye on pretty much anything. They go front each other, i am in the middle and would like to mediate but given also that I am an idiot I make things worse by reporting what one says privately to each other. We decide to move to the Netherlands, and find a job quite quickly. English speaking country, lots of expats, lots of fun.

She started hating life there and within a month turned into an individual who cannot be left without supervision. Anxiety, fear, depression, crying take over. She starts to take anxiety medications, fights with locals and I really don't know how could I help. My personality is a fostering one, I find joy in taking care of people and I needed to help her. We decide to come back to Italy, and I left my dream internship there to seek luck elsewhere.

Same unreasonable arguments from both sides, months of pain and suffering, zero jobs and millions of interviews, we decide to move back to the NL. She gets a job first at my dream company, I found one few days later. After two months her boss who was absent during all her probation period comes and decides to fire her as she didn't choose her and wouldn't work with her.

Things go south, we fight a lot, she is on meds, I want so badly to break up but I just can't leave her there, vulnerable. We also signed a one year lease in the most sorry ass rainy shit food part on the Netherlands. We carry on 6 months more with her never leaving the house, at all, during all these months.

I happen to get a job offer in Paris, highly paid, best role, doesn't need French, she is revived again. We move to Paris and things get better, until 4 months later the company announces plans to relocate to Amsterdam. We are in shambles but I resist, stay another year transferring to another department.

I love to go to the sea where my parents have a house, it's lovely there and we can have the house for ourselves. In theory. See my parents are very allergic to minding boundaries, they pretend because they pay, they can't stand the way she dresses, speaks, that she never cleans the house and I have to since forever. She doesn't allow cleaning ladies, or judgment. She can and has shut out people for an argument before. She hates my parents with all herselves and she can't wait for them to die to enjoy our life together.

She doesn't have friends, she doesn't compromise, she insulted all my friends back home. She doesn't want to attend weddings and u always had to attend alone, making excuses. She says if she doesn't want to do stuff she doesn't, will never compromise or apologize.

In Sardinia we go for a few summers but it's always a shit show. Physical violence on both sides, shouts, hate, me in the middle, lots of crying, we don't go there anymore.

We then change a couple of countries, but story didn't change. She doesn't want to see my parents, doesn't come to dinner when they come to visit every 3-4 months, doesn't allow them home. I love her parents, can't wait to spend nye in Chicago together. They are allowed any time, they "never hurt us".

Boy who could give me back those ten years, I am so weak and I can't take this anymore. Lies and lies and crying because I can't part from either side. I can't part because I love my parents and my brother, but also this year she got pregnant and I am right now writing while I hold my beautiful baby boy in my arms...

She will never let me see him, she said I can leave any day if I have a problem. She would immediately move abroad with the baby and fight tooth and nail to keep him from me. I love him and after all this suffering I made yet a bad decision. I am no longer in control of my life, I have never been as son of narcissistic parents and boyfriend of an abusive girlfriend.

I just love him so much, I can't live him. I don't care about my job, I have all the money I need. But I can't live without him. She knows.

My parents have seen the baby 3 days in 6 month, I have never been to Italy yet (5 hours drive or 30 min plane), I lie to my friend that baby is too sick to travel. She is leaving two days for work next month and I wanted my parents here for Easter. Her mother lives in an apartment of mine nearby, just moved in to help with the baby so she can work remotely and have an extra hand. She is planning to stay until end of summer at least, I am OK with that so that we save on a nanny and we bring in an extra salary.

Everything feels like an injustice to me. I can't celebrate my child in any way. She threw a fit and told everybody to fuck off calling everybody invasive when we threw a 4 people (my parents and us two only) gender reveal party as a surprise. I can't baptize the baby or bring him to my friend who want to buy me a gift. My friends who she didn't attend the weddings of as she simply didn't like. And maybe me and my parents made her what she is, I can't completely blame her.

I am in the middle and I just want my baby, I can't continue any longer. I was fine as long as it was me, I could take everything. I am restless, I work every day, I manage everything and everybody. But I can't take this anymore. I can't even run away this time, should I find my spine somewhere.

She doesn't speak to me because I mentioned my parents, that's enough to trigger. I am afraid to see my phone ringing because it could be them asking for a picture or asking me if they can come to see the baby. I don't want to have this discussion and every night I celebrate when 9 pm arrives and I know they asleep and I can finally go to bed (metaphorically as baby only sleeps 2-3 hours a night). But it's still better than being awake during the day. That I can't take.

I hate myself for what I have done to me, to her, to my parents and most of all to the baby who has diarrhea and doesn't even know that's gonna be the smallest of his issues growing up. I have been selfish and stupid and I can't live anymore.

Sorry for the long post.