So does anybody else find making/maintaining relationships exhausting? Especially the superficial ones? For instance, a few coworkers and I work together every day. Been that way shortly after I started. In a way it’s nice not having to work by myself. But on the other hand, it complicates things. My one coworker texted me a couple days ago saying my jokes I make are too “callous and personal”, and that I need to not be so touchy-feely with people. For context I’m very sarcastic and witty when I joke so needless to say some stuff just comes out and I’m working on that. And I suffer from abandonment issues so I’m clingy without even realizing it. Which can obviously make people uncomfortable. Which I certainly don’t want to do. I apologized and said I’d try to do better. But at the same time, I’m growing to despise the way she handles it. Now every time I make a joke she doesn’t like she automatically says, “No! No!” Like she’s talking to a dog or a child. Or if I go to pick a piece of fuzz off someone, this like really bothers me kinda wonder if I’m OCD, she’ll swat my hand away and say, “Do they want to be touched? No. So stop.” Again, like talking to a child. It’s making me not like her. I’m not here to be talked down to. You can express an opinion/feeling without being rude. It’s just ironic coming from someone who claims I shouldn’t “belittle” people with my jokes. Also said individual thinks she’s super open minded but she and the guy in our group made fun of my religion at one point. Never apologized either. And when I told her mom she did apologize, but also made excuses for her. Again claiming she was “open minded” and “meant no harm.” And that she really “valued our friendship.” Which is the main thing. We’re not really friends. We’re just friendly associates. They apparently don’t get that. I’m nice to everybody, that doesn’t automatically make us friends. I’m super cautious about who I make friends with on the rare occasion I do. They’re also not very respecting of my beliefs in general. Like I don’t celebrate holidays but the mom insists on saying, “happy -“ eveytime it’s a holiday. When it was Christmas they got me gifts too which was nice of them, but also awkward for me. When I told the daughter she apologized and said they’d take it into account. But the mom was like, “I know you don’t celebrate I just didn’t want you to feel left out.” Which is nice in itself but like I said she keeps saying “happy holidays” knowing my stance on the matter. Which at that point is just rude. If someone says they aren’t comfortable with something you don’t just continue to say it cause you want to. Like what they expect of me. They expect me not to make “mean” jokes or touch anyone with permission, but then turn around and do stuff like that. Hypocritical, much? Like I said, this is why I don’t form relationships. People just have to make things complicated. Not to mention it feeds profusely into my already terrible anxiety. Like last night the daughter barked at me for a joke I made to a guy, who was joking with me anyway, and I just shut down. I went to the bathroom and cried. I just hate having to be done “perfect” individual for others when they can do/say whatever they want and expect no repercussions. It’s not fair. Now I kinda wish, like most relationships, I hadn’t started anything with them at all. I just want to curl up in a ball and shut everyone out. What’s the point anyway?