Alright, so my wife and I have been married for two years now. Throughout our dating, I'd always noticed that she wasn't as social as myself, or my friends, or really anyone that I knew, but I'd just attributed it to her being shy.

It wasn't until we were engaged that she'd told me that she has social anxiety, depression, etc. I was upfront, telling her that I had BPD (borderline) after about five dates.

Jump to three nights ago. Three nights ago, I took her out to a really nice dinner, followed by a walk down the riverwalk, and we went into some of the little shops and bought some cool stuff. She seemed "off" all night, but said that she was okay when I asked.

The next day, I tried sending her flowers at her work. That ended up not working because of a misunderstanding between the florist and myself. I told her that I had a surprise planned for her but that it wasn't able to happen on that day. She didn't really remark on it.

Everything really came to a head last night. She said "I'm glad that whatever you had planned for me didn't go through". We had a long argument about this, mostly her asking me what I wanted from her.

She asked me things like "Why do you need PDA?" "What do you want from me?" "What, do you just want to make out at the mall or something" The answers there are "I don't.", "I want to not have to be a robot in public and a lover at home.", and "That's ridiculous, you know I don't want that."
I attempted to compromise, saying that I really just wanted her to be fine with me saying that I loved her around her family. I've done that exactly once since we've been together, and we had a huge argument about it, so I haven't done that since then.

She says that there is no compromise. It's either that I learn to accept her as she is, or we take a break.

I love her and I want to be with her, but I don't like having an ultimatum, and I certainly don't like having to split myself.

TLDR: Wife has social anxiety, while I have the emotional opposite (BPD).