i’m sorry if this doesnt belong here.. it won’t let me post in confidence and i’ve always had a safe space in this sub so i figured i’d just try :,)

i’ve struggled horribly with self esteem issues and depression my whole life. something that helped since a while ago was starting an nsfw account and posting my own content which for the past 8 months or so has helped boost my self confidence a lot. i always got compliments on my body but from a selfie perspective so obviously i control the angles and stuff. i’m only 5’6 and don’t have the best proportions for modeling but i’ve always loved fashion and wanted to be an artistic/commericial model. a little while back i had the opportunity to connect with a photographer who said they liked my look and would help me create a portfolio to submit to agencies, i said awesome and did it. i took a lot of different pictures in different outfits and did a bit of lingerie which i was nervous about since i’ve never liked the look of my body in lingerie but i wanted to try in a professional setting. i was on my period during the shoot and feeling really bloated and i tried to keep in mind that i’d probably look different from normal, but a week later i got the pictures back and i was devastated- i fucking hated how my body looked, it looks completely different from my selfies, without being able to manipulate the angles and stuff from my own perspective i saw what my body actually looked like and i just burst into tears. i liked the pictures that didn’t really show my body and submitted them to like 20+ agencies a week ago, i haven’t gotten any word back, when people say if they’re interested they’ll get back to you in a couple days. every day i sort of hope one will answer just to recover my confidence a little but i don’t know if i’d even succeed because of my alternative look. ever since i’ve been overthinking my look, my visible sh scars, my style, my measurements, i haven’t been able to post on my nsfw page ever since because i know i’d be lying to myself and my audience. i know it wasn’t a good idea for someone with extreme self esteem issues to apply for modeling in the first place but i was feeling a bit overconfident and now the damage is done. i fucking hate myself and i don’t know what to do, especially since i have literally no real life skills and always thought i could just make money off something appearance related but now i know i’m not conventional enough, tall enough nor have the measurements and i feel like i’ve gone back years on my progress to loving myself