I’ve completely lost my sense of self over the past few years. I had a mental breakdown in 2019 and i’ve felt even more disconnected and in the way. My confidence is gone. 

I’ve never been brutally rejected by a girl, but they’re always super nice and friendly with me. I know that doesn’t sound bad, but it feels like special treatment because they feel bad for me. Again I know that doesn’t sound bad, but my brain tells me they like me so I ask them out lol. I’ve had a few say yes; one instantly made something up to get out of it, one said they had something come up 15mins before and then went to the hair salon, one time I actually went on a “date”, but the night before she invited her friends so I ended up just going to lunch with them and not being able to sneak a word in. I don’t blame them honestly because they’re all 10’s and i’m maybe a 3 with no other qualities. Also i’ve put a lot of thought into it and they deserve better. I’m a piece of shit who will only make their lives worse.

This has put me in a weird place. I’ve tried to get better as a person by going back to the Dr and trying to get a better job, but the meds have only seemed to make things worse and the only good job i’m qualified for isn’t that much better and the only place that would hire me changed their minds. No matter what I do either I end up in a worse spot or just hurt the people around me.

IDK I’m just tired of being a disappointment to my family and feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.