Back in 2018 i hit absolute rock bottom for the first time, long story short i tried to get help by speaking to people starting with a teacher i got on with leading to my parents which then lead to going to cams and the counselling. Speaking to each of them didnt seem to help and if anything it made it worse especially with my parents as i already didnt have a great relationship with them at the time and after that they were concerned but maybe over concerned and i was constantly on edge which lead to constant arguments. 

To this day the only other thing ive tried is antidepressants and have recently been through a patch of bascially drinking and drugs to just try and leave reality but now i want real help and i dont know what to do.

After 2018 i basically just learnt to bottle things up and now once again i feel constantly on edge like im going to explode and if not that i just feel sad and exhausted even if nothings happened. I really feel like im on my last straw but i just dont know what to do.