I was laid off from my high-paying job almost 2 years ago. Work had always been an internal struggle, but it all made sense after I became aware of my BPD in the last couple of months. 

My company lost a huge piece of business and had to re-org and I was cut. My self-esteem desperately needed my bosses (the decision makers) to emphasize the fact that losing my job was due to external forces, but legally it’s not in the company’s best interest to soften the blow for you. 

Losing my job actualized my deepest and darkest insecurities surrounding incompetence. I gave it my all at my job and allowed my bosses to violate my boundaries because I have always been an extreme people pleaser. 

After getting laid off, I really spiraled and got to a point where I often can’t bring myself to apply to jobs or I ghost recruiters because I seize up in fear when evaluating open job opportunities. 

I fully realize that avoidance just digs a bigger hole for myself and that the longer an employment gap is, the harder it will be for me to land somewhere. 

For those who have been in my shoes, any tactics for explaining your employment gap? How did you get out of that fear - self-sabotage - rejection - desperation cycle?