As the title suggests I’ve found myself a new FP. I didn’t intend for this to happen, in fact my plans for the next 12-18 months where to focus on healing and being alone however here I am stumbling into a new situation and developing intense feelings. I see the same patterns from the “honeymoon” phase of the cycle. Those “I’ve never felt like this about someone” and “never met anybody like you before” moments. While nothing bad has happened YET, I just know things will go wrong at some point. I can’t even enjoy the ride anymore for what it is. Before I’ve even fully attached to this person my mind is telling me to be ready to cry because it could go wrong at any given moment, just like the ones in the past. Even though I have them up on a pedestal for now, it really kills me inside already knowing this will have an expiry date on it because at some point my abandonment fears will be triggered, I’ll get clingy, they’ll do something that feels like the end of the world and I’ll start splitting. Then as a finale I’ll lash out and sabotage the entire thing. I can’t keep doing this over and over again.