I don’t know why I can’t stay on my meds, I feel like shit so I take them to feel better...and, I do. But I feel empty without the chaos in my heart and mind. On the pills, I feel compliant and do what I’m told and don’t complain but when I’m not...I feel bold, I do things to make change happen, even though it usually is the wrong decision and things just get worse. So much worse that I feel like shit again so I take the pills and it starts over again.