Like ok, people with depression get low self-esteem and think they're "burdens" and "failures" and "ugly" or whatever, and sure I've experienced all those thoughts. But the type of self-hatred I've carried for years is like... this burning inherent disgust with the human being that I am at my core. 

Like... it's not any one thing that I'm insecure about, I'm not even really insecure in the way that people think of it. I just know that if I met me I wouldn't like me. 

I just think I'm a really obnoxious and selfish human being, and no matter how much energy I pour into trying to make myself into someone I can tolerate, I never seem to change. Does anyone else understand what I'm talking about here? Is there a way to make it.. not like this? Cause it's exhausting and it hurts.

(I was recently diagnosed with BPD, I've also got PDD with major depressive episodes and generalized anxiety)