We’re 22, make and female, for context. All names are fake, just there to make it less confusing. Sorry for a long one. 

My boyfriend has a close-ish group of friend since school, which sometimes includes his ex - an ex who manipulated him (called Amanda here), made him feel unloved, and my bf is also 99% sure she cheated on him. This, along with the fact that she’s super hot, skinny and tall - whilst I’m 5’1”, overweight from antidepressants and definitely not a looker - has made me a tad insecure and avoidant of her.

Anyway, his friend Jennifer is having a birthday party, and at first we’re confused as to why she doesn’t invite me as other SO’s are there. We thought maybe she thought I wasn’t in the area, as it was in their hometown, so my bf asked if I could come - she said I could. Later, however, she says it’s been moved to Amanda’s (the ex’s) house because it’s bigger, and that my bf would have to ask if they have enough beds. When I find out, my bf and I are chilling at home, but we’re expecting someone else in the friend group to stay the night - Mark. He arrives just when I find out the news, and I’m a bit upset that they would choose to host it at someone’s who treated my bf so badly. When Mark arrives my bf and I are fighting, and I’m so upset that I bring mark into it, and say that it’s quite interesting how my bf is so hospitable to him but they’ll all go to a party at his manipulative ex’s house and eventually call him an asshole for not caring about my bf’s feelings. I obviously now know I was having an episode and was way out of line. 

Despite this, I decide I want to go in order to face my fears of her, and my bf asks her about beds. She says essentially: “I know that OP hates me, and I don’t feel comfortable with her coming into my house, as I know it will cause problems that me and my parents don’t want. Feel free to come alone though :)”. Earlier the same day she messaged my bf asking: “will you be okay at the party seeing as I’m bringing my new bf?” - which is fucking condescending considering he is in a new relationship.

Anyway, Mark has told Amanda about the argument that transpired. I’ve reached out to both of them, saying to Amanda that I just felt insecure and would love to get to know her (despite the fact that she’s made comments about my mental health condition before, which by her logic would mean I should freeze her out?) and to Mark that I am sorry, it was an intense moment of vulnerability and that I am committed to getting better. 

However, they both ghosted me, and my bf is a wreck because he feels like Amanda and Mark are forcing him to choose between me and his friends - mark has, for example, said he is not comfortable seeing me anymore - and Amanda is completely ghosting both me and my bf. On one hand, I know that this is an effort from Amanda to freeze me out, as she hates knowing that my bf doesn’t have feelings for her anymore (as evident by the text message she sent him earlier) - but on the other hand, I could’ve handled the situation better, and I definitely regret everything I ever did to Mark (who is my bf’s best friend). Now, his friends hate me, and my bf feels like he has to choose between us. I have explained my mental health condition and that I sometimes get a bit too impulsive and in my head, along with explaining that we need to try to get along for my bf’s sake but to no avail. Mark even removed me from his socials, prompting me to make this post.

How the fuck do I save this situation? I feel so bad for causing this, and I truly don’t know what more to do as I’ve reached out to them both.