...and i'm jealous because they have a family, and i realise that life thinks so little of me, i'm so unworthy and so undeserving that these people that were bullies in school, grow up to have all the things i only wish i had. Now here i am, 37, trust broken after wasting 11 years in a relationship that just threw me aside for a more richer and successful guy... and i realise the quote "No good deed goes unpunished" is quite true. I don't understand how i grew up believing that "Love is unconditional" and "Always do your best" when love ALWAYS has conditions, even parental love, and that "your best" is usually not good enough because it is always relative to the expectations of others. Parents only love you so long as you live up to their expectations of what they hoped you would be as their child... ie good job, or giving them grandkids, or taking over the family business, or not being gay. Or a lover's expectations of you to CONSTANTLY have a good job, provide them with a home or look like a CK model, or give them holidays all the time or whatever it is THEY want out of the relationship. SO they only love you so long as these needs of theirs are met, so long as these conditions are filled. Parents will disown gay kids, or violently hit kids that speak back to them or have a different view on life, or a lover will dump and leave you for someone who provides them with the "grass is greener on the other side of the relationship fence" if your best is not good enough looking lawn.
In the end, i'm jealous of those abusive people with kids because they can always "change and see the error of their ways and be better" and they will have achieved in life, only those things which i dream of.
And my great reward in life is years wasted, broken trust, destroyed self esteem, painful loneliness, and a feeling of duty to end up killing myself. All because i grew up thinking that good triumphed over evil, and its better to turn the other cheek. How wrong i was. Hindsight is just mental torture.
I just thought i would share this. Now i need to get back to a whole lot of chores and housework all on my own. Have a good night/day the rest of you all.