The date happened two days ago and no texts afterwards. I don't really mind this fundamentally (because i dont really like reaching out after a date as well) but my BPD brain makes me think that he is the worst person ever and was trying to find all the obvious red flags I saw during the date (none) just because he hasn't contacted me. of course, i would not dare to vocalise my thoughts into existence. 

I don't even want a relationship - just went on a date because i've been feeling more empty than usual and wanted to feel a lil something. His not texting would make me idealise him less and therefore avoid getting attached. Relationships are my biggest triggers too. 

really just hate my brain. i wish i could have healthy relationships with others.