I straight up can’t do this anymore but I always keep going but I wish I didn’t keep going I don’t want to keep going anymore. Every single day gets worse and if I have a good day it’s all a set up for an extra terrible night or terrible next day. I’m falling off the path more and more and have been for 3 years. 19 M and I don’t want to get any older if it keep going like this. It feels completely unreal at this point like it literally can’t be. The amount of stuff that happens to me can’t be coincidence and bad luck anymore. I’m literally convinced every single person I know is teaming up to ruin my life until I can’t do it anymore. I want it all to end so bad I am a good person I don’t deserve this I don’t understand why people are the way they are and why everyone hates me so much. I deserve to feel loved and have the ability to be happy and enjoy life like everyone else. I’m at the point where I might finally see a psychiatrist but only for the medication. I already know all my problems and don’t want therapy it won’t do anything for me the way my brain works. I just want to be able to take pills everyday that make me a “normal” person but really i’m not normal and I’m not myself I just cant think anymore which is exactly what I want. If I cant think and feel anymore then at least I won’t end myself.