so i study art at university and I've been working on a project for the past few days. I've also been smoking a lot and eating a lot of edibles that my friend made. 

i also use psychedlics and do a lot of art while tripping.

a lot of my more sober friends have been quick to tell me that weed/substances dont make me better at art. i agree, actually.

the reason i'm posting here is because i get extremely discouraged and i dont know whether this is an anxiety thing, a trauma thing, or a bpd thing but basically whenever I try to do art sober I get soooo fucking pissed. 

I mess up slightly and lose my shit because it looks BAD now, there's no saving it, I fucked up because I cant do anything right, etc. this is often over one single brush stroke or line and because I tend to work in ink it very often *is* ruined. 

when I'm high I can usually look at it, think, "okay, I'll try again." and I do. on lsd it's all bob ross "there are no mistakes" and i make some kinda nice impressionistic stuff. 

but i have so much trouble doing any sort of art while sober bc that anxiety happens and then the bpd rage kicks in and i consider self harming and often do because yknow one mistake is indicative of my worthlessness and basically it makes me split on myself.

idk what I'm getting at I just gett annoyed when people constantly remind me that i dont "need" substances because I agree that theres no inherent thing that makes me "better" but also i really dont have any other way of managing symptoms in the moment