one of the most prominent features of my BPD is my "emotional amnesia," or my inability to see my relationships as a whole sum of experiences instead of just the most recent interaction. there are some people in my life who I know aren't really good for me, ultimately, but if i have a positive interaction with them i am immediately under their spell. like, i can feel the shift physically when i go from hating them to loving them again. it's amazing, really, but so frustrating. someone could treat me like shit for a week and i'd hate them so much, but if they then showed me kindness one day i'd immediately forgive them and be totally bewitched.

for now, reminding myself that there were prior negative experience only helps a tiny bit. i am very cognizant of this pattern, which is a good first step, but it's EXHAUSTING... 