My anxiety does this super cute thing where it clings onto something for a few weeks and will hyperfocus on one issue. Currently, the issue is me, being a twenty-something, knowing that my next step in adulthood is quite possibly finding a partner, yet I want to puke when I think about leaving my parents' home. I mean... come on... seriously?!? There are SO many things I could be devoting my time to... but instead my brain is worrying about the future??? The future that I have no control over?? The impending future that will inevitably pan out exactly how it is supposed to whether I worry about it for years in advance, or not?!?! 

Yes. Exactly that. 

I want to meet people. I know I need to . I need to socialize. The pandemic social side effects are honestly quite brutal, but I know that I need to get myself out there. But I don't want to leave my mom and dad. I love being their daughter. I think that subconsciously, I associate my parents with safety, and if I have a panic episode, I know that they are the first people I would run to. The thought of being without that is paralyzing. 

But then I get to thinking... if I want to meet people and possibly entertain a romantic partner, that by NO MEANS means I have to "let go" of the daughter in me. I can come home to my parents for as long as they will have me. I plan on living with them when I'm older, too (or maybe they will live with me at that point). I realize as I write this how extremely lucky I am and I never ever want to forget how important that is. 

Am I foolish for getting anxious about this? And I don't use the word "anxious" lightly, because in all honesty, when I think/talk/write about this, I am a complete wreck. The usual panic symptoms: sobbing, unable to catch my breath, stomach in knots... you get the point. 

I guess I just want to know if there are other people out there who feel this way? Almost feeling like you're caught between two points in life?