so my friend (who is no longer my friend) ghosted me. i talked to someone about it, and i think they told him. so he sent me a long long message about everything i had done wrong, and in it he called me manipulative. and i've never felt so sick in my life. i never want to be that manipulative person. he also went as far as to say i wasn't eating for attention, and not because i had a problem. which hurt even more because it's something i'm actually struggling with and he knows i have a bad past with it. i feel horrible about this, but part of me also... doesn't care?? i don't know what's wrong with me. he also said he hopes i don't treat this guy i'm talking to like shit and put them through hell which is already my BIGGEST worry on this earth. 
i sent back a long apology/explanation for everything because the thought of him being mad at me hurts. i just don't know what to do now. i...dk.