I see a lot of people talk about how they hurt someone within the past few days or week etc... and regret it but has anyone gone through the entire phase of devaluing and discarding a person and not felt the regret until much later? 

During my last relationship all the following were true:
a.) I knew that I had these issues
b.) I could sometimes acknowledge my outbursts later to my partner but only if things were dire or I was feeling REALLY good

In general though when the next outburst came I.... I don't know how to explain it. It felt like any time I was extremely angry that I continued this alternative narrative of hating my partner and blaming them. The projection and blaming was literally building resentment toward him over the course of the months we were together EVEN THOUGH I knew he didn't actually do anything. Every time I'd slip back into a rage over something he did I'd take a piece of it with me back to my "normal" mood and believe he was at fault.

Eventually I discarded him and I wish I could stop all of this.

I don't get how I can go through this sort of thing so many times but still be able to blame other people and believe it long enough to actually toss that person aside.

Are there any articles or information on the devaluing and discarding from a BPD's perspective? I've only mostly seen stuff about how devaluing and discarding affects those we do it to.

 I know I'm doing it but in the moment it feels like the only possible thing I can do. It feels like it's what I want. Even though the last person I discarded was the nicest most understanding person I'd ever met. He'd forgive me. He was nice to me. He loved me. But then if he did anything like disagree with me or try to set any boundaries I'd go into a fit and get suicidal and by the end of the fight/suicide threats he'd be the one apologizing to me. And I knew that wasn't right. 

EDIT: After re-reading that was sort of a ramble. I guess what I'm overall confused about is how I feel like I don't get to the regret phase of my actions until its far too late. There's some sort of actual resentment that builds toward my partner over time. Can BPD just distort your view of reality? Can it make you feel like the relationship is unhealthy and that it's not yourself that is unhealthy?