I’ve been reflecting lately on my teenage years prior to my diagnosis (was almost 20 when I was diagnosed, a year ago) I felt very isolated growing up as I had no idea what my condition was and just knew I was “different” than others. I’ve spent some time reflecting on how BPD reared its ugly head when I was a kid/teenager 

* I always dealt with intense jealously of others, over things serious to petty, especially when my best friend spent time with other people 

* I felt like I had to have a crush on someone, even picking others to have crushes on at random. Life was so boring without a romantic interest!

*  I really enjoyed high school drama and gossip and always ended up in difficulties with someone, I enjoyed the rush it provided. 

* Starting fights with anyone who looked at me wrong, especially with my parents. I was always so, so angry all the time and I couldn’t calm down.

* Later in life I realized I was always 
emulating the personality of whoever classmate I looked up to at the time 

* I struggled with constant, compulsive shoplifting and drug addiction problems. I was so lucky I didn’t get caught and recovered from my addiction!!

*  I always believed others “didn’t like me” even when no evidence substantiated this 

*  Dealt with hallucinations when I was badly stressed out (so almost constantly lol)

*  I was labelled a friend group/“homie hopper”, and I always in with a “bad crowd” 

* I was constantly changing my style! Nothing seemed to feel quite “me”. Loved going to a uniform school because everyone was the same 

* I collected  MH diagnoses left and right, which helped in some aspects (undiagnosed ADHD is a bitch) but feeling like the doctors always had an unknown piece of the puzzle missing 

* I was evaluated for bipolar, ODD, autism, and schizophrenia but none of those seemed to “fit” 

* I really enjoyed fantasy worlds, music, spending a lot of time alone listening to music , just anything where I didn’t have to “be me” and think about my problems. 

*Felt like I was an alien compared to everyone else, that I couldn’t be like the other kids no matter how hard I tried! 

How did BPD show up for you as a teenager? I don’t have any close friends with the disorder so I can’t relate to anyone’s growing up experiences lol. Thanks for sharing if you do :)