I'm posting here because I know my emotional response to this situation was extreme due to my BPD and I'm just looking for some support. 

I'm 26 weeks pregnant and my sex life with my partner has been almost non existent, and not because of me. I ask every night but most nights he is too tired because we both work a lot. He often plays video games until bed and then passes out. Which I am understanding of because it's the way he unwinds. Last night was the first time we had sex in over 2 weeks and it took me a lot of effort to get him to finish. 

Today we laid down for a nap before our evening shifts. I asked if he wanted sex before we laid down and we both kind of laughed because we had sex yesterday and that would be extremely rare. He didn't even answer, just kind of took it as a joke. So he pulled out his mobile game as I fell asleep. I woke up, still in his arms, to him watching porn and masturbating. I immediately lost control of my emotions. I started bawling, asking why I wasn't enough for him, asking him what I needed to do differently. I was right here! He could have woken me up if he wanted sex, but he didn't, he chose the prettier naked girls over me. So I am absolutely heart broken and just feel like he isn't at all attracted to me. 

To make things worse, when he gets overstimulated emotionally, he bursts out in anger. So in the middle of me bawling he asked me what I wanted to hear from him. I told him "The truth. That you don't find me sexually attractive. That I am not enough." And his response was to shout that he fucking hates me. 

He apologized for everything and feels awful. I know he loves me and I know he would never cheat on me, but my anxiety and abandonment issues are on high alert. I still feel like it's hard to breath. Like it's hard to exist. This disease is so rough sometimes. Something as seemingly small as this makes me wish I wasn't here. There's just so much emotion and so much pain, and nowhere to put it all. I feel unwanted and broken.