Ok hear me out. I was so so so positive on the fact that I was a lost cause and I was going to be suicidal forever. Probably as much as you feel right now. But for years I’ve been trying so many meds. For the past months I have been upping what I’ve been taking, Effexor and lamictal, and I honestly feel a change. I have no been suicidal at all. I have had my moments of depression and I motivation but I am still able to work on the stuff I need to get done. I still have relationship problems but they aren’t at all as bad. I always drowned myself with thoughts of past relationships and FPs, but now it’s gone down so much. I will have crying spells and become really anxious but I’ll take Xanax and wake up the next day feel alright. There are good people out there who won’t screw you over. I just started talking to this guy and I have never met anyone funnier and genuine. He reciprocates my energy and I don’t even have to manipulate the situation by promoting validation. 

I know most will roll their eyes at this but I 100% was set on ending myself but now I am in a place where I wish I could be awake more.