damn in never did anything like this. But here i am again crying alone in my bed at 2 am. I fucking hate this life. So fucking much. I would never kill myself but at this point im just waiting to die and im not even 30 years old. 

Why did he choose me as a target. His own fucking son. Why would you ruin your sons life over an argument and 6g's of weed(cannabis laws are pretty strict in my country). Why would you vent your own manic episodes on your son. Only because u suffer you had to make everyones life miserable. You are a fucking bitch. I hate you so fucking much. If I could trade your life for one second with my grandma or granddad, I wouldnt even consider it twice. Its not like you had a Bad life or Bad parents. You had/have everything but you cant stand the fact that someone is happier than you. Your brother is one off the best humans I have seen. I am so fucking jealous that my Cousin got the best father she could wish for and I got this dumptruck. You destroyed my mother not physically but mentally. And you always made her look like the crazy one. Pat yourself on the back that you piece of shit manipulated me for over 18 years against her. Everyday I hope that I get a call and there is someone on the other line telling me your dead. You fucked up my life and my head. I will never forgive you for what you have done to me, mother and the rest of the family. You are a disgrace for the family.  You have noch empathy. You have noch sense for anything else than you. All you care about is you. Hopefully you suffer more than nana, gramps and mother together. You deserve it. 

You are a disgrace for the human race. 


i just cant anymore... 

sorry for typos and stuff kinda hard to type while your balling your eyes out.