So today I started feeling a little sad in the morning, then when I reached work( i like my job) and started writing, tears began to fall live a river in front of everyone and I started to hyperventilate. 

This happened because I hid all my emotions again until it exploded due to a trigger,  so don't do that. 

My question is "how the fuck do you explain to everyone you sometimes have active depressive episodes". I have BPD, my 2 best colleagus and Teamleader gets it, but the other colleagus I'm 100% sure they already started with the "crazy" jokes behind my back (i saw how they act when others are not around). 

Thanks.