Im not one to post much on here when it comes to status but i need to say it. And DBT taught me one thing its not to feel ashamed of your feelings. I have been asking family for help for the last month one to have it rejected. I hate asking people for help i always have and always will but right now i need it. And its only been met with false promises and nothing. its taken me until now to realize that im going to be doing this alone. I only have my learners permit and my car isn't registered. So to everyone who has helped me thank you. Its taken me until now to realize how much i mean to people. I mean nothing. I have tried to get my self in check mentally and let everything else slide. Borderlines dont ask for things because we fear the rejection from it. I tried and faught with my illness and asked for help and was rejected. So now im not asking for anything. I'm doing it myself. I will probably lose my house and license but small price to pay i guess... goes to show i help people and never get it returned and people wonder why im a suicide risk and im always depressed right now. Hard to be happy when you have until next week to get out of the house you tried to make a home. The house you took your child home to. I dont want to lose my house and become homeless but it seems thats whats going to happen. I let my kids down i let my nan down and i let myself down. I failed at adulting and being a mother. Hard to smile when i feel this.