I’m 19 years old and I literally cannot remember the last time I was truly happy maybe like 5th grade but even then that’s a maybe. Right now I’m doing electro convulsive therapy since TMS and years of anti depressants did not help but ECT is nearing the end and it is seeming like it won’t help either. For years now I would prefer to just be dead but I don’t want to hurt my friends and family. If there was no negative stigma or if they knew what it how it felt to live as me I think everyone would accept suicide as a real option as opposed to living torture that doesn’t benefit the person suffering at all.