I (M17) would honestly chop off a limb or feel super depressed rather than this. My life was perfectly fine, I had been stressed, depressed but never expected anything like this. I woke up one morning (around a month ago) and started driving to the gym when suddenly everything started feeling off, especially like I was or had been in a dream this whole time.

It felt like my consciousness was gonna disappear and I got a panic attack. I calmed down but everything was still feeling off, everything felt like a dream, when I wasn't focusing I was literally on autopilot. My vision was blurry (it wasn’t really but it felt like it). My mind was foggy and I couldn't remember or think much. I did multiple reality checks but sadly didn't wake up.

I googled up my symptoms and it came out I was experiencing depersonalization/derealization. The next few days were hell but that wasn't it. Shortly after I started having symptoms of severe anxiety and depression. I didn't wanna do anything, I lost interest and hope in everything, had no appetite and my mind was just foggy. Sometimes when I felt a bit better I would get really dizzy and feel like I would pass out in public. It went that bad that I would have multiple panic attacks and think I am going insane. I felt so scared I thought I would die, or be sent to the mental ward.

I've felt better in the past 10 days. I've understood that when your anxiety is high your mind is looking for reasons to rationalize why your in such a state. And I haven't experienced any hallucinations or heard anything so I've calmed down a bit. When I am busy during the day, at the school or gym I start feeling better again, although I am still aware of the dpdr and anxiety, but when I get back home it kicks in even stronger again.

Since I don't know what caused it I've been self diagnosing myself a lot with different mental disorders, I know that googling will make it only worse but It's all i can do sometimes. Today I woke up and everything felt extremely unreal, I thought and still think that I've actually died already and am hallucinating. I'm trying to convince myself it's just the anxiety playing with the brain but I see no reason why I would develop that severe anxiety without any cause. My doctor recently got my blood pressure checked and I am getting my heart checked on Monday. Not sure how's that related but at least they're working on it.

I would just like to wake up and be back to my old self. I couldn't even imagine living like this. Even if I feel better for a moment it always comes back. I never thought that somebody can even feel this bad.

Additional notes: I tried weed for the first time around 2 months ago, 70mgs of edibles and had a panic attack (pretty much a very bad high). But I don’t think it’s connected since such a long time has passed. I also went cold turkey on caffeine for 20 days cause I had built up a tolerance. It went past fine but the anxiety began 5 days after when I started to drink coffee again (I quit it again after that). Had covid for the second time around 2 months ago. Again it doesn’t look like it’s linked but they’re the only changes I had in my life