It's a guy who was in my church and went on mission with about four years ago. I didn't know anything about bpd or FPs, trying desperately to stop being queer whilst also dealing with some pretty heinous shit that had happened to me.
At first I thought I fancied him, but quickly realised it was not that at all. I actually didn't really like him as a person, but I suddenly became obsessed with connecting with him. I would describe it similar to a feeling thay he was my sibling. He was much older. 

I genuinely felt angry that he didn't see me as someone to be close with, because I really thought, and I mean to the point of spiritual delusion, that he was the one to save me, the one who would be different from the rest, the one who would give me the answers, and see me as a human being.

I saw the post on this reddit about contacting FPs and it feeling like a drug, and I completely agree. Its years on, and I still think about him all the time. When I was a Christian I thought it was Gods sign to pray for him and check in on him, but now I realise its part of my bpd. 

We dont talk anymore, I havent heard any news about him, and if anything that makes me angrier. The main feeling is anger and grief when I think of him. 

I didnt even like him or think of him as a friend, but this feeling like he should want me/see me/need me is so great I struggle with getting over it.
Hes my FP and I have no idea why.