At this point in my life, I truly feel like I’m only taking up resources and space. 
I was divorced two years ago, moved cities and was with a guy for those two years on and off. That was a mess but I was doing well and supporting myself financially.
Eventually that changed due to my mental health and I switched jobs. Ended up not making as much and started to get discouraged, plus the nature of my relationship was wreaking havoc on my mental. 
Cue two months ago, I made the impulse decision to move back home to try and save money and get away from ex in different state. 
My ex husband is gracious enough to let me stay with him until I can get on my feet, but I’m quickly realizing how much more difficult it is to find a decent paying job here. It’s harder in this area. 
I was offered a good position and I’ve been waiting on my background check to go through which seems like it’s taking forever. I have a misdemeanor traffic related on it. They never asked me about any criminal convictions even on the application but I seem to be in limbo waiting on this to go through while I’m doing terrible contract work to make ends meet.
I miss my people in the other state and my ex husband, while very nice he’s letting me stay here, has his woman over frequently which makes me feel so sad bc I miss my ex in other state. Even if it was toxic.
So basically I feel like I’m taking up space, resources, I have bills but no money coming in really, waiting on this forever background check to go through. 
I feel like I don’t have a place anywhere anymore. No real home, no landing point. I don’t know why I’m just in existence. And I feel like it wouldn’t make a difference to literally anyone if I didn’t exist. I really don’t. 
Just guess I’m venting thanks for reading of you got this far into my moaning and bitching