Stop the bus, I did it. I'm so overwhelmed with emotion at the moment. Back in March or so I was struggling with my mental health (am diagnosed BPD) and I went to see my psychiatrist (more than usual) instead of paying rent (because um what was I supposed to do). I subsequently fell behind in rent by a month (teetering on more), and my landlord rang me and abused me (she's the kind of lady who is a bully if you do something wrong), and I was so close to suicide, that phone call was the tipping point. Awful. Never had I been made to feel so disgusting about myself as she had. So she agreed to let me catch up and asked that i propose a payment plan to catch up, which she accepted; I planned to pay an extra $130/fortnight. This was ok for 3 months as I had a housemate at the time, but I panicked a bit after she moved out as I was struggling to find a new housemate and was worried how I would afford the extra rent on top of paying the entire rent on my own as it is.

A few hours ago I deposited rent money for the fortnight and I have officially caught up but not only that, I am two weeks ahead like the landlord asked. I never got a new housemate and love living alone. I have developed a serious love of budgeting and have loved the journey of realigning my wants vs needs and it's been a massive soul searching experience and process of finding myself. I worked hard, did overtime when I could, all while managing with crappy BPD. I actually had to suspend psychiatrist visits for 6 months as it was too big an expense that would have majorly derailed me, but I continued seeing my doctor which I could happily afford. I am back with my psychiatrist now and have seen her about 3 times and life is getting back on track. 

I know that a lot of you will share this pride I feel in not giving up and that this illness does not make us destined for bad and crappy things. Instead of looking to others for inspiration I will now look at myself and remember how I dug myself out of a horrible hole.