You could say I’ve experienced some trauma and I realized I’m unable to love anyone. I distance myself from love and anything remotely associated with it including friends (I hardly have any now), girls, family, even coworkers or anyone I feel a bond forming with. The bond doesn’t even need to be in a sexual sense - just simply that feeling of warmth. 

It’s strange because I long so deeply to be loved and to have a girl friend again and friends that I trust but I just can’t do it. I can’t handle it. I noticed I purposely make myself into exactly what the person would hate just so I can have a reason to avoid creating that connection. 

I need this to end now. I can’t progress any further in my life - personally or financially until I stop this behavior. 

Anyone understand this behavior or have advice or suggestions?