I’m realizing that, despite being physically taken care of which I acknowledge a lot of people don’t even get that, my whole life has been tragic and abnormal. I feel like it’s been marked by pain and suffering. I feel like it’s all I know. I feel like most of my naturally occurring thoughts are prone to be negative because my brains been rewired by trauma. I wish I had killed myself when I was a kid when I always would choke myself with a belt or self harm in other ways. Now I feel like it’s pathetic to do it because I’m 24 but thats less pathetic than killing myself at 44. I don’t think other people who kill themselves are pathetic though regardless of age. I just think I should get it over with. I’ve thought about killing myself as long as I can’t remember. I wish I could change my life around but I cant escape my ptsd