I need help and I can’t get it. I can’t find a therapist in my area who’s taking new patients and my insurance. I went to school to help people access local resources,  (human services/casework) I know what needs to be done to get help. I’m trying to do the right things to avoid ruining my life and I CANT. I can’t afford to pay a therapist out of pocket and nobody within network in my area are taking new patients. I’m ruining my fucking life and can’t do anything (self destruct mode activate?) but enjoy the show or fucking end it. I’ve been working my forever to cope with this shit and I’m still losing control. I KNOW how to get help but there isn’t any. The suicide/OD rates in young people have skyrocketed since covid, when resources we all relied on became scarce if not completely ripped away. I promised my boyfriend I’d stick around until 30, and if nothing gets better we’ll go overseas and put an end to things peacefully. I’m just scared of what I’m going to do that could potentially hurt everyone in the mean time. I try so hard to keep to myself and shield it from my family but I can’t stop snapping lately. I’m 23 now and I swear it’s getting worse with age. I’m becoming a shittier person the older I get instead of growing and maturing like most people. How tf am I supposed to do this for 7 more years?