TLDR; What personality type works for you in a relationship?

My relationship was a nightmare. There WAS love and caring there somewhere. But I think that he was way too hotheaded. And I was way too hotheaded. I tried to tell him about BPD. He tried to research BPD and 'help' me. And yet when it came to conflict, there was no understanding.

I was supposed to be the 'sick' one in our relationship, but he has unresolved issues about his childhood. His parents are alcoholics and he was sexually abused. Covertly, but sexually abused nonetheless.

Therefore whenever I drank, he shut off. I've never ever thought we were on the same wavelength. I go to therapy. I show self awareness about being unstable. But he was very codependentish.  Once I asked him, "what do you want from me?" his reply, 'for you to be happy."

If he worked on himself, the relationship would have worked. Just stop trying to fix me. Maybe *I* should be less hotheaded. But I am in the process of working through my issues. And I have this borderliney thing going on. But I have pushed beyond my 'borderline behaviour' to try and tell him that, 'dude, we need to work through this together.' But he was in his la la land.
I only felt that he loved me when I was vulnerable, or a 'victim.' I've always felt he was a bit O_o, raised eyebrow, at my more quirky confident side.

We are both easily offended. We both whined and complained about slight provacations from the outside world. We both had 'inner' anger.

If I'm ever in a relationship in the near future, it has to be someone who isn't in denial. 

I cannot be in a relationship with a hothead!