It's been too long and I have tried for years to get help. I have thought about doing this, but was put-off due to my experiences with multiple therapists. In no way am I suggesting that therapy is not helpful, people need to at least try.   


I am keeping this very short and to the point because I am absolutely exhausted. There is a chance it'll never happen, maybe I'll wake tomorrow and change my mind. I hope, tho, that I find the strength to walk into a hospital and tell them I need immediate help. Sadly, sometimes, it comes to this.   


This section of Reddit has been very important to me, many evenings I wanted to end myself, but then came here and either commented on anothers issues, or explained my own. In either case, never stop trying.