Why am I even depressed? Why am I the different, sick, mentall ill, crazy person? Seriously like why are some people so happy and enjoy their life but mine is just a boring loop.

I feel so lazy, unmotivated, hopeless, worthless, ugly, fat, burdened, suicidal, and so much more. Meanwhile people right now are having fun laughing with friends or enjoying the outdoors with no care in the world.

I can hardly get motivated to even apply for jobs, let alone actually work an 8 hour day. I'm unemployed and money seems pointless.

I'm tired of waking up to do the same shit. I'm stuck in between wanting to care (but not going to) and being a coward to end my life and its a kind of pain that if you know, you know.

I've reached out before for help, been in therapy and taken medication and its not worked. Made me feel less of a person. Now I'm just fighting myself everyday and I'm not sure how much more I can go before I just stop caring completely.

I'm not asking for help just venting. I hate myself and pretty much everything right now. Oh alcohol is nice though hahahahaha