This is hard to explain, but basically I feel like I need to do something extreme or chaotic, or else I’m being boring. It feels almost like my life is a TV show and I’m being watched, but it doesn’t feel creepy or threatening - it just feels like the audience is bored. 

When I give into these feelings I often do extremely impulsive things such as abuse substances, put myself in dangerous situations and self harm. It feels like I NEED to act quick to entertain the viewers or else they will leave me and I’ll be all alone.

Just wondering if anyone has similar experiences or knows what this could be, since I know this isn’t normal. It goes away for periods of time then comes back.