I'm a rape/sexual assault survivor and tonight my boyfriend told me that I would enjoy being sexually assaulted as long as the guy in question were attractive. It feels like a slap in the face especially because he yelled it at me. I then questioned him about whether he would say the same about my rape and he scoffed in my face and refused to apologize when I started crying and reiterating his comments to him. Eventually he hung up on me. This is it. This is the worst, most painful thing anyone I loved has ever said to me. And he doesn't even care. I never reported my rapist and I regret that decision every day. I don't want to let my bf get away with similar comments. My rapist literally told me that I probably enjoyed it (note I was asleep in my bed when it happened) and for months I blamed myself. I thought I was too sexual. That I needed too much attention. I convinced myself that I deserved it. It's taken me this long to even slightly recover from this mind set and now it makes me sick to think how many guys think like this and how many never get put in their place. I have the conversation recorded. I want to send it to his parents. At least to have some peace of mind on the matter. His comments were absolutely disgusting and sad. He was so arrogant. There is a chance that he will see this and laugh again because of the type of guy he is. I feel so suicidal. This is the most triggering topic for me. It's the most traumatizing and now I'm sitting alone in a dark room having to face these thoughts. Having to relive that night and I can't do it. I want to rip my skin off. I can't escape the feelings. It happened almost two years ago to this day and I still have nightmares about that night. I'm shaking on the bathroom floor. I feel so sick. The room is spinning this is the only thing I can focus my attention on right now I have no one to talk to. How can someone be so fucking careless.  