Have been only able to lay in my bed with music playing for the most part for weeks, maybe months now.

I wish I could just fast forward. 

I just lay here being sad and anxious with a sprinkle of self hatred. 

I shouldn't hurt myself being I go home in less than a week but I don't know.

I even stare at my 500 count bottle of 200 mg ibuprofen and wonder if I should but once again know I really shouldn't but the feeling is still there. I'll pout them out in my hand or in the cap and look at it for a bit just to put them back in the bottle. I don't think it'll do anything so why bother anyway. I don't think I wanna die, just don't feel worthwhile I suppose. 

Oh shit and I've barely ate yet today again, just a bagel, but I suppose that's not that bad either. I'm a bit hungry but sorta don't feel like eating. 

I tried to drown my feelings for someone this week by talking to some girls on a dating app but that didn't really work once night time came and I was instead drowning in thought of her rather than drowning those thoughts, making me unable to sleep. 

I even had three random nightmares early this week for some reason.

:)

What are you up to though?