I might have been involved with a BPD woman.  I am not sure - after much digging around online she exhibited several symptoms of BPD, however, I am not a licensed therapist and have no business diagnosing anyone.  This is just my assumption based on what I experienced and from what I've read.  

&amp;#x200B;

Bit of a summarized back story: We dated for approximately one and a half years.  In the beginning I was love bombed and put on the highest of pedestals.  She worshiped me like I was a greek god.  I could do no wrong in her eyes.  The sex was out of this world and as often as I liked.  After about a year and a half of dating she 'discarded' me and got on dating apps and eventually wound up with another man that ultimately dumped her after about two and a half months.  

&amp;#x200B;

After months of no contact my ex reached out and 'needed a friend' - this text was sent on the day she got dumped.  I responded to her text and was there for her.  This led her to getting closer and to us getting back together for another three months before I was once again 'discarded'.  I believe she texted me to 'hoover' me back, however, I was under so much trauma from being dumped that I was eager to take her back with little to no work on her part.  

&amp;#x200B;

However, this time she cheated on me after just two and a half months of being together for the second time.  Turned out the guy she cheated on me with didn't even want to be with her.  She was obsessed with this guy and highly infatuated with him (similar to how she idealized me).  She fooled around with this guy for about a week or so after split up.  Once she figured out he essentially used her for sex and wanted nothing more than a platonic friendship.  Another week passed and she was back onto the dating sites.  And within one week she already had her next boyfriend.  I don't even think she went on dates with any of these guys she met from the sites.  She just picked one from the list she was chatting with and went straight for him.  It appears as though this new guy is now the center of her world.  She appears to be highly infatuated with him, holding him on the high pedestal like she once did to me.

&amp;#x200B;

I have been in no contact for just a wee bit over a month now with very little communication from her side.  She reached out once I believe for something very trivial.  She asked if she left an article behind at my house which I knew that she already had (so she lied to me, I believe).  She may have missed me or might have been checking to see if I blocked her via phone.  I blocked her via Facebook because I want to move on and get over her.  Also, she did reach out about a rather large item I had at her place, which she said she would return to me and it has never been returned (it has been over a month and a half now since we broke up).  This thing is very large so it's not like she stuck it in a closet and forgot about it.  It's something she probably sees every day.  I'm curious why she would hold onto it.  I'd assume if she is in a relationship and she's happy she would want to sever all ties with me and return my item.  What is up with her holding onto it and not bringing it back?  

&amp;#x200B;

As previously mentioned at the present time she is once again in another relationship, completely obsessed with the new partner.  Idealization, setting him up as the best thing to ever happen to her.  More than likely telling him all the 'glorious' things she once shared with me.  Love bombing him.    

&amp;#x200B;

I see this as a pattern with her:  

1. She idealizes me 

2. We date 

3. She devalues me 

4. She discards me 

5. She dates another guy 

6. She gets dumped 

7. She comes back  

&amp;#x200B;

Now, onto my question: Since she dumped me once and came back, is it more or less likely that she would come back again in the future if things don't work out with her new relationship?  In other words, since she came back once is it more likely that the BPD woman (if she even has BPD) would return a second time based on the fact she has already returned once (repeating patterns)?  

&amp;#x200B;

I feel like if she had no feelings left for me and painted me completely black then there would be no reason for her to reach out to me after she dumped me the first time.   Right?  She just wouldn't come back to me if I was painted black and she hated me.  Did she come back after the first breakup to seek validation because she was hurt from her breakup with the other guy that dumped her or do you think she still had feelings for me and wanted to be with me?  If she came back because she still had feelings then I'd assume if the same process repeats and she gets dumped or ends her relationship voluntarily with this guy then she would come back again (for a second time)?  

&amp;#x200B;

Side note: At the time she started reaching out and communicating me after she was dumped (when she left me the first time) during her process of coming back I had made some promises to her about changing certain behaviors of mine.  She constantly needed to be validated and needed constant communication.  She wanted to be told she was loved on a daily basis.  She would want memes sent to her, texts throughout the entire day, told that she was loved, constantly held and cuddled, etc...etc.... I wasn't much of a big communicator, I don't think most men are the best at communication.  I also wasn't the greatest at meeting her needs to feel loved and validated on a daily basis.  She would need compliments like "Great job loading up the dishwasher" or "Thank you for vacuuming".  Otherwise she didn't feel like she mattered.  When we were talking back and forth I had told her that I would work on communicating and meeting her wants and needs better.  Those are things that just don't change overnight.  She did notice a change when she came back and told me.  I asked her if she felt safe and loved and she said "yes".  But, the changes must have not been good enough or fast enough for her as evidenced by her fleeing once again.

&amp;#x200B;

Curious what you all think.  If she does come back again and I WANT to entertain her then she gets immediately put on a three month probation period.  She would need to undergo therapy and I would also require couples therapy with someone that is experienced with BPD and relationships.  I'd want her to go to individual therapy as well as therapy with me so I can check her progress and I can understand issues and ways I can help her out.    


I'm a kind, caring, loving, and compassionate person.  I'm not interested in hearing comments telling me to "leave her in the dust" and "run".  We all have problems and everyone deserves to be loved.  As long as she would make an effort to get help/therapy I would not be opposed to working things out, yes, even after she cheated on me.  Her cheating is a side effect of the BPD and her underlying issues.  After-all it's a mental illness.  I don't think she voluntarily said "hey I want BPD".  Therapy and coping mechanisms can heal those wounds and help her better manage her insecurities so those behaviors don't repeat in the future.﻿  


I feel lost, confused, hurt, betrayed, angry, regret-full, sad, and generally empty.  I was 'discarded' twice now.  I am wondering if it's time to move on and let her be or if the fact she came back once before to try things again is an indicator that she will repeat that behavior and once again show up in my life after her current relationship ends.  I love this girl enough to help her understand she may have a personality disorder and would suggest to her that she would need to undergo therapy if she is interested in being with me.