So this is just something to get off my mind about things that have been putting me in depressive states as of recently

Tonight, I got pushed to the edge of harming myself but I didn't do anything severe, and it was only cause I ruined my cable box and now it doesn't work properly anymore and I tried just to make it more accessible

Then I frequently get reminded that I dropped out of school cause it was some absolute bullshit, and it assed me out every way possible in 11th grade, so 12th grade was really just me finding a fast food job working 8-10 hour shifts with no break all for minimal wage so I ended up with a knot in my forehead banging it against a steel wall

All to add insult to injury, my favorite hobby which is Art, has been on and off cause I have to constantly tell myself that I am not less of an artist because everyone else gets attention and I bust my ass all for no one to give me the light of day even though my art is getting better, and what triggers the depressing thoughts are completely random so I'll never know what'll depress me

I honestly am surprised how I haven't done anything drastic yet with how I easily lose control and do drastic things over miniscule problems, cause I used to resort to cutting myself because I felt like harming myself was punishing myself and if I messed up again then I deserved it cause I can't do anything right