I have bipolar II so my (hypo)mania was never bad and aside from stupid purchases that I learned to return I quite liked it. My depression is the real bitch and it made me want to claw out my insides. I could predict fairly well when a crash would be coming. I’d reach a state of buzz, where the color were bright and I was moving faster than anyone around me and it was exhilarating. Then comes anger and impatience and then snap!

Anyway. It’s been fpur years of trying to figure out meds. I’ve been on Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Abilify, Vraylar and something else that I don’t remember. Zoloft seemed to work for a while but then it got me to be dead inside. Nothing in the world brought me even a sliver of joy. So we switched to Wellbutrin. I wasn’t doing amazing but I was functioning and able to find happiness here and there. I still can’t read or listen to music or do any of the dozen hobbies I had. It’s been two years pf the walking dead for me. 

Now I have a baby who looked like she was having seizures. There are two cases documented of breastfed babies having seizures because of Wellbutrin. So my doc switched me to Zoloft. Which I’d been forgetting to take. For the past month or two I maybe take my meds twice a week when I remember. Baby keeps me busy. But now suddenly I bought an e-book. And then thought I spend so much time in the car that I might as well listen to podcasts that I haven’t touched in two years. And I bought some makeup. 

So I am really tempted to just drop my meds