I'm a hard worker. I realised years ago that by working hard, I was able to distract myself from my inner problems, and it always worked well, allowing me to build up an impressive CV. But it couldn't work out in the long run, and after a few awful years, I've become unemployed. I still try and work hard though, and because I was spending my days doing nothing, I've been setting myself a bunch of challenges, usually involving volunteering, to keep myself active. These are all in the subject I have an MA in, and my chosen career area, so should help when I feel more stable and decide to apply for a job.

Some days these are easy to do, and I can go and see people, be positive, work hard, organise things, lead teams and projects, and generally make a great impression. But other days, I just cant face leaving my bed, and the emails and research I said I would do on more positive days just seems so hard. Not only that, but on bad days I feel like such a fraud, which makes it harder to build up the strength to be active again.

Today I got an abrupt email from someone I said I would do some research for, which I have been putting off because everything else was getting on top of me. I don't know if it's this specific person, or work environment, or project, but I just feel unable and unenthusiastic to do it. He has no idea I have mental health problems, but the email has set me back a bit - because I should be able to deal with this stress and can't, and I have been active elsewhere but can't force myself to do this (relatively easy) task.

Anyone else struggle with setting yourself too much to do, trying to remain positive, only for this to backfire? And anyone have any advice?
 