I have had anxiety for the past 8 years. Started with panic attacks which were mostly cured with Citalopram for 3 months, Rivotril whenever feeling anxious and therapy, along with some good things that happened in my life and put me in a good mood for some time.  

Then I spent a few years digging myself into depression. I got help from my family making me realize that, so I went back to therapy and started to treat anxiety disorder + depression with Escitalopram. My depression is not the sad suicidal type, is the anxious about future, not wanting to die, procrastinating, thinking too much. I did it for three months, got better and stopped again.  

Two years ago, I then realized I needed to change. I was obese and totally sedentary, I did some exams and was basically told to eat better and exercise and all would be good, I was a young healthy 26yo despite that. After a sinusitis crisis, I developed PT (Pulsatile Tinnitus) and that caused me to develop Health Anxiety. I did a lot of checkups, all were good (despite the same recommendation of eating healthy and exercising). PT never diagnosed properly, but it was gone for some months after I got the results of the exams. I did therapy and again, a couple months of Escitalopram to feel better.  

It was 2020 now, 3 months since the above, I was ready to rock and roll, start eating better, exercising, planning my life ahead. Covid hit, all went to shit, spent the whole year locked in my apartment for the most time. PT was back, not as severe, here and there, annoying at time, but gone other times.  

2021, I found a girlfriend and was as happy as long, long time ago. But after 2 months of honeymoon phase, my country got hit hard by Covid variant, hospitals completely full, a lot of people dying, young too, so I got really afraid and anxious about it. It affected my life, me and gf got isolated for almost 2 months and that took a toll on our relationship. I was also anxious about the responsibility of finally meeting the love of my life, all our dreams and how we would achieve them, what changes I needed in my life to grow up and step up.  

Needless to say, I got an anxiety crisis. Partially health related, partially generalized. PT was back and annoying, troubling my sleep, I couldn't feel relaxed even around my gf anymore. I booked therapy to try and get better, but it was too late. One day before, I developed globus sensation on my throat. It is an annoying as hell feeling, and the health anxiety makes you doubt and think of the worse all the time. ENT didn't see anything, gave me some meds but told me my anxiety was causing it.  

I went to the psychiatrist, once again, and started Escitalopram one more time. Quetiapine 25mg if too anxious. Therapy once a week.  

It has been almost 3 weeks of it, where the first week I took only half of Escitalopram. Quetiapine I took here and there, it doesn't have specific time and some days I don't even take it, but I'm planning using to help sleep because I've been sleeping very bad and little.  

Good news is, my Globus Sensation is mostly gone, 90%. I still feel here and there specially at night, but generally it is finally liveable. PT is here. It's funny because while I was too focused on the globus, PT was very, very rare. Now that globus is alright, PT increased again at night specially lol. It just feels it is all in my head, meaning yeah they are real problems but that only appear because Im stressed/anxious.  

My gf broke up with me, but not because of this, but because she need some time to treat some relationship patterns she still have and need to work on it before having a serious relationship with me. That didn't help my recovery, but thankfully I'm way more balanced now because of the medication and am having a good have to go through all of this.  

I'm very motivated to:  

\- Eat healthy. I've lost 15kg since January, finally got out of obese levels, am overweight but getting there.  

\- Exercise. I refuse to be sedentary, I will start walking, then running, then doing exercises at home (Covid is still a thing here and vaccines are still a long way for me). When I can, I will join sports and do other things to keep my body in check.  

\- Work on my mental health. I'm reading a lot about anxiety and how to treat it. Diet and Exercise helps a lot, but working our mind, meditating, reading, it all helps. I plan on keep going to therapy this time to work on this AND on the relationship faulty patterns I also have (codependancy) so I'm ready in case me and my gf see each other again, or just to be prepared for any new opportunity.  

\- Plan my future more clearly and stop procrastinating. I'm in a good career at IT customer service, I earn OK, enough to live by myself and buy things here and there, I could save money if I administrated it more seriously but I need to start earning more at this point in life, and I cannot see myself growing up technically in this area. It also is a job that stress me and makes me anxious a lot. I want to do something more creative, probably own a business, do my own thing, work with marketing, sales, I don't know. But I will think and plan and execute. It's time.  

\- Work on hobbies, identify things that makes me happy and work on it. I need to feel happy by myself and don't rely on my relationship. Once I do that, I am able to be in a relationship and not screw up by pressuring the person with my low confidence.  

  

These are the pillars of my evolution. I feel better, and I know my physical symptoms are all VERY clearly related to my anxiety levels being high, and how my body is today. I will work on both physical and mental health, and that should put me in a better place. Medication has been key to put myself back into track, balance myself, and think more clearly. I am motivated again and not fearful of everything. I will fight back. I plan on persisting on the medication until my doctor feels I can get out of it, therapy too.  

  

Hope this can encourages some people. At crisis, feeling those bad things (globus, PT), there are time we think we will never go back to feel normal. And sometimes I still feel like my PT will always be there, globus will be back, other things will show up. But no, work on yourself, you will see one day those things will not be there and you will KNOW how they're closely related to your stress, anxiety affecting your body. it's like you're exploding from inside, and these are the side effects. Working on it should stop them from affecting you.