I am 40 years old. I've been diagnosed with all sorts of disorders since about age 13. Currently, it's MDD w/ psychotic features. And this seems accurate. I am majorly depressed, and I do hear voices every now and then. The only reason I even get out of bed every morning is to go to my soul crushing career (that often makes me want to shoot myself in the face) so that I do not end up homeless. 

I have made very few accomplishments in my life. I'm nowhere near where I should be, where I want to be. I have failed so much at things that I have given up on even attempting things. What's the point? It's just going to fail and be a waste of time. 

Also, I am moderately physically disabled with a few degenerative disorders. These disorders are not ever going to get better, they are only going to get worse. I am in constant pain 24/7, and my career makes this pain worse. 

I don't know how much longer I can do this.