My ex dumped me in March via text after being friends a long time then dating a while. It shattered me. It always seems to even though I know the pattern. I am heavily addicted to a person, and we have an insanely codependent relationship with him.

I went to therapy. I started coda and fell off, though I should probably start back. This man doesn’t love me, he’s obsessed with me and how I’d fit in his life and he’s made a story for who I am, and I know it’s not me.

I do the same though, I want him to be my one. He says so many things that subtly hurt. I have been treated like crap a long time and I definitely mistook a lot of things he did as caring but it was selfish ways to keep me around, and it lowered my self esteem a ton. 

I have been healing. I feel ok. I even started talking to someone, and I am taking it very slow. I wrote about it here a bit ago, but this man does the little things and I know he cares. actions not just words, ya know?

So of course I am feeling good, moving on, when my ex pops up at my front door with coffee and wants to talk. I blocked him from my phone because I can’t deal with it bc I know I cave... and he caught me off guard. I got into his car for a ride and I’m not even sure what happened. He basically reiterated why we broke up, said some weird crap about me being amazing and he misses me etc, talked about how he’s improved, oh, and he got dx bipolar and possible ASD. 

That night I thought about it it a lot. I was overwhelmed and I know that it could seem romantic but it’s not. It’s a selfish and manipulative thing to do and he knows I melt like butter.

I ended up seeing him a few more times. He slept with a few people while we weren’t together, which hurts but obviously I can’t control him. He said he knows that I would never say no to him which *red flag*. His words are all over the place and it’s just too confusing for me. I’m getting older. I want stability and he’s nothing but uncertainty.

Told My therapist about it all. I am going to write a letter because he always says things that give me hope. He twists words or confuses me. She said even if I tell him to stop expect to see him outside with the boom box bc that’s who he is. And it’s true. This is 6 years of this shit.

I feel defeated. I was making progress and I let him in. I slept with him. I’ve seen him multiple times this week. He’s offered to help me with things and stuff and it’s just so annoying. I don’t know what to do but to cry. I know that it’s going to fail. It does every time. He left me probably 6 other times so why would this be different. I really wish I could just up and leave and never hear from him again. He has such a power over me.