I haven’t felt this way in a while. During certain periods throughout my life, I’ve had times where I felt just so dissatisfied with most aspects of my life.

Sometimes it feels so hard to just not feel mediocre. I feel so inadequate and like a failure. I’m not satisfied with where I am yet at the same time I also don’t believe that I can do it.

A lot of the time I’m afraid to do well or be in the spotlight because of the pressure.

So much self hate and self sabotage.

I feel like I’m in an endless loop of treading through and ocean of turds.

I want to break free and run towards my goals, but it would mean leaving a lot of things and people behind which also scares me.

So I guess I just have paralysis by analysis. fuck my life.