hi guys,
I've never posted here before but it would be cool if someone listened.

I broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years about three weeks ago, after feeling neglected and as if he owned me; I was not able to hang out with friends, and to be honest I was starting to fall for my coworker. We worked the same shifts for a year, did our jobs essentially together, and even though he was entirely different than my usual guy (long story short, he sells drugs), I fell fucking hard for him.
He had a girlfriend, however he insisted it was an open relationship and I actually met the girl and had sex with him while she was there because I'm an idiot....even though I knew something seemed fishy, I still did because I just got of that relationship and needed *something*.
Anyway, pretty sure I was lied to- I did end up seeing him one more time at his house.
Then the next week he gets fired from our workplace and though the whole thing is a fucking mess, I still had feelings for him and it fucking destroyed me. All of a sudden, like two weeks after I broke up with a long term boyfriend, he gets fired from the place where I saw him daily and I freaked out a tad. Now I'm pretty sure people at work are aware that we were a thing, and i feel fucking stupid. 
Jump to today, and even though we talked and he stressed that we wouldn't fall apart just because we didn't work together, I haven't seen him. Even the few texts I've sent (I'm afraid of being clingy to someone who I'm not sure even cares about me), he barely responds.

My best friend is not speaking to me because she thinks I'm a horrible person for potentially participating in him cheating on his girlfriend. I probably am. I don't know.

I keep missing my ex.
I feel abandoned even if I was the one who broke up with him.
I totally feel fucking abandoned by my coworker, who even before I broke up with my ex, I had a soft spot for, and to be honest, even if he's a shitty person (which everyone tells me he is), I still adore him and god I'm stupid. 

I feel really fucking alone right now. 