Fuck, I'm tired. Tired of always losing. I want to win once. Just one win.

I try to be the best I can. To do the best I can. I try to be a beacon of positivity and light. I really do. 

And every time I fall down, I keep doing my best to get back up. Brush myself off and try again. But when you fall so many times, the falls begin to hurt more and more. The pain builds up. The tiny fractures in your bones get larger, the bruises get deeper and darker. 

It gets harder and harder to get up.

Until you're lying flat on your back again. Pain wracking your body *again.* Staring up at the sky, and wondering if it's even worth standing back up.

I'm lying on my back. Struggling to find the strength and courage to stand back up. Because I don't know how many falls I have left in me.