*i apologize for how all over the place this is in advance * A few years ago I met a guy when I was raving, I was apart of the underground rave scene for years.. doing illicit drugs (mostly molly) which I fell in love with. I went on a bad streak for about 4 months where I was doing it 2-3 times a week at heavy doses. I felt a little sad after which I was told is normal, but after stopping late 2017... I’m still fucked up. I don’t know if I can attribute my current mental state to my molly binge.. but I do most of the time. The other half I blame on my diagnosed disorders, bipolar 2, PTSD, anxiety and depression. I’ve been diagnosed with a few other things but they’re not super important to the issue at hand. Ever since I stopped doing molly I’ve felt fuzzy. If you’ve ever done molly you know what I mean! When you’re coming down you feel very disassociated, lost, sick, heavy ? That’s how I feel all of the time.. it’s never really gone away but it has gotten better and worse. Recently though it’s gotten so bad that I can’t even drive to work, I pretended to be sick for a week so my boss would let me take it off, even spent money going to an urgent care to get notes. It literally feels like I’m super spaced out and just can’t come back to reality, I’ve heard a lot of people describe  this and say it lasted minutes or hours... what about two years ? I currently am not on medications..  but when I spoke to my psychiatrist about it she blamed the molly abuse and put me back on meds (which I never took cause I honestly forgot I even went to the doctor) I had been on trileptal, Zoloft and Xanax most of my teenage and early adult years. I want to get back on it but most of the time I’m so tuned out of reality I forget I’m even a human being. I’m not sure what to do anyone or where to start, I feel really hopeless because anyone else who describes something similar says they use “ grounding techniques” which don’t work for me at all.... idk if meds with helps me, idk if therapy will either.. I’m just stuck being a zombie in life that’s constantly stuck in a day dream. It honestly feels like I’m not even here and then I go into panic mode thinking “ is this even real ? Can someone hear me thinking ? Did I just say something or did I say it in my head ??” I get so terrified I end up covering my mouth cause I can’t even hear myself think anymore.  Essentially I just wanted to vent, I have a doctor appointment next week.. hopefully I’ll get some sort of relief. Idk 
Any thoughts ?