Please forgive me as I'm a new poster and this is my main account which people around me know, but I'm too distraught to make a throwaway.

I just went through my social medias and saw a bunch of people from my high school blocked me and even some people from college which I thought I was on good terms with (maybe even never talked to). My entire life I've struggled with making friends and only now am I realizing that I may have been the problem all along. I thought I was ugly, but now I'm realizing maybe it's my personality. Not sure why... It just makes me sad though. I would say I wish I could do it all over again but at this point my stamina is 100% gone and I'm having another suicidal episode where I just wanna give up. I truly feel like nobody has ever wanted me starting with my father and I'm about to lose my boyfriend as well because of my really poor coping skills, and generally am just really envious of the people who can hold friends altogether. 

When I asked my cousin why everyone (including he) has stopped talking to me, he said it was because I'm "too much". He said this last October and the words still echo in my head because I never understood what that meant. I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. If I don't talk, people think I'm weird and don't talk to me. If I talk, people think I'm rude or offensive and don't want to hear what I have to say. I have a weird sense of humor due to my mother, which only she understands and it has translated poorly in my social life for sure which I am now just realizing (partly due to my boyfriend).

Does anyone have any tips for someone in my situation? I feel like deleting all my socials and hiding under the covers for all of eternity. In high school I lived to stick it to other people because nobody liked me and now there's nobody to stick it to funny enough. I'm just generally lost and would appreciate any advice. :(