i've always been awful at making friends and keeping friendships but in 2018 (i think) it seemed like i was changing, i found a nice group of people who i connected with and actually enjoyed hanging out with and it all helped me get over my fp but in the summer it all went to shit as i can't keep a friend for the life of me. i actually didn't realise how bad it was until i moved away for uni and it hit me that my only 'friends' are my mom and sister - truth is it's been 4 years and i have no friends.

i've been here for 7 months and have formed no connections no friends no acquaintances. my days consist of me going to uni and coming back home. everyday. for SEVEN months. at uni everyone already has their friend group and i just sit there alone everyday. when i see a random person talking to someone else in class, i just get so jealous and wish it was me, i wish that was my life but deep down i know that will never be me so i feel like shit and really depressed.

i kept thinking "next year will be different" but it's the same fucking thing just in a different location. 

i just feel like i'm going insane, i'm so sick of myself and of my life. i truly hate myself.