So, me and my boyfriend been together for 9 years. The last year had been a rocky road, in april we've had a short break where he dated another girl. I don't know what happened exactly between them, he told me he erased her phone number and everything.
Last summer I looked in his phone (not my best side, I know), but her number was still in his phone. 
A couple of weeks ago I looked her up on insta and Facebook and tried to contact her, if she could tell me what's happened between them. She didn't reply.


This morning my bf told me he was going to visit his parents, I've asked if I could tag along, but he didn't want me to. This triggert a lot in me.


I've contacted his sister and his mother to tell them that I've wanted to come with him, but he didn't allowed me to. His mother replied that she would talk to him, IF he is coming to visit. She didn't know he was coming, it's almost a 2 hour commute, so I thought it was weird he didn't let her know that he was coming.

After that he called me why I was contacting his mother and that he was just walking around in another city because he needed some time alone. We ended up shouting at each other and then hang up.


After that I self harmed and took a picture of it. The picture I send to the girl and told her it was on her.

I immediately regret my messages, but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm walking around outside now, knowing my bf will be back home in a couple hours.

Don't know what I want from you all right know, just needed to vent I guess..