No clue if this belongs here or if anybody understands but i recently started to desire being alone while being afraid as hell to be alone.

It's like i am wanting to push everyone away for my own good but also feeling like i can't handle loosing these same people.

It's extreme with my best friend. I know she'd never do anything that hurts me but still i sometimes caught myself wishing she would just leave to spare me the fear. I really like her and she means the world to me but i am super afraid of whatever she (or anybody for that matter) could do to me. It's exhausting because i´d like to just enjoy our friendship and enjoy spending time with people...I feel like i should'nt have let her in my life in the first place. For her own good.

&amp;#x200B;

Sorry for the annoyance to everybody who actually reads this.