As I have been posting here, I wanted to share again a realization that has been helping me. 

Those of us that have BPD symptoms I think are more emotionally intelligent that many people. Maybe most people. This is an empowering thought. And the more I think about it, the more true it is. 

It explains a lot - we feel abandoned when people don't hold up their end. We understand that relationships should require a sense of duty, a sense of decency. We realize and follow through on messages, showing up for dates. We are detail oriented. We feel love for others intensely. And we are always looking for that level of energy in our partner. It's pretty easy for them to fail that standard, as a lot of people have such a narrow thought pattern that they simply don't realize or notice things we pick up on almost instantaneously. 

There was a thing (well still is a thing) in electronics called harmonic excitement. Essentially what it does is take a signal (music, whatever) and "widens" the sound. The result is sound with depth, lower lows, crisper highs. In fact, a lot of radio stations use them and that's why music sounds bigger on the radio. We have emotional excitement built in. Our emotions are deeper, wider. 

Knowing this, I almost feel bad for others that think so narrowly. They're missing out on a life seen through a lens that makes things colorful, intense. And life is as short as they say, then how lucky I am in a way to be able to notice little things, to feel so good when I help others, to feel so deeply when I'm in the embrace of another. 

Sometimes I feel cursed by it, sure. The lows are just as intense. But you know what? The good feelings are there too. And I have to acknowledge them. Like when I see a good concert by a band I like. I can't describe how good I feel in that moment. It motivated me to write songs, to take the stage, to perform in front of people. To sing, and sing out loud. 

Happy Friday people. Love hard.