I just recently found out about BPD and it definitely seems like that's what's happening with me.

I recently got a FP a couple weeks ago. We've known each other for awhile but haven't talked much until recently. For whatever reason I told her a lot of personal stuff about me that I've never told anyone before. 

I was ready for the typical bad reaction but instead she was extremely understanding and supportive. Like unbelievably so. She said stuff to me that I've actually fantasized about before. She's just the best and I was so happy.

She does have a boyfriend and I was fine with that at first. But then she told me that she had an open relationship with him and that she was interested in sleeping with me. I was obviously interested too.

This lead to a lot of flirting which lead to a lot of heart to hearts which lead to us getting even closer to eachother. And very recently we just had our first experience together.

I was really inexperienced and made a lot of mistakes but it all still just felt so wonderful. I really liked making her feel good. Even if I wasn't really good at it

A bit after this she said that she was interested in someone else and was gonna ask to sleep with them. Like I said I was okay with the fact that she had a boyfriend and I was, and still am, just friends with her. But for some reason hearing her say that made me break down.

I tried coming up with any reason why she shouldn't and that eventually lead to me saying something really stupid. She got upset with me and I just started balling. I had to have apologized at least 20 times to her even after she calmed down.

After that I found out about BPD and FPs by Googling a couple things. So much about this disorder makes sense to me and I do think I have it. 

It's only gotten worse with her. She's still extremely nice to me and hasn't gotten upset since last time but I've just gotten more attached to her. At one point today we were texting and she lost service and I just slowly started freaking out more and more. Then a couple hours later she texted me and it felt like the biggest weight off my shoulders.

I care about her so much. I absolutely need her in my life. I can't go more than a couple hours without needing to talk to her. At this point I start getting teary eyed whenever she says something nice to me. I feel like it's just getting worse but I can't stop talking to her. I need her.

She thinks I'm in love with her but I honestly don't know if I am or if it's just all this BPD stuff. I just wish she knew how amazing she makes me feel. But I don't wanna tell her cause I feel like she'd be even more weirded out then she probably already is.

No one has ever made me feel this happy before. That's not an exaggeration. She is the best person I've ever met in my life and I love her. I don't know how exactly I love her but I know that I need her in my life.

I just want her to say it back. Just once.