I’m using an alt because I think he still follows my main and I’m being careful not to scare or hurt him. 
My partner of 3 years moved 100 miles away (about a 2 hour drive) to attend school last year. I’ve been in DBT based therapy for about 4 years so I was pretty well managed, but I was still very imperfect and he took it all with grace and patience. He’s an incredible man and took really good care of me. Eventually the distance and his busy schedule wore him down and he ended the relationship after the summer. About 2 1/2 months ago. He hasn’t been back in town since, so I haven’t been able to give him his stuff back until now. 
I thought I was coping pretty well after the breakup, all things considered. I was smoking and crying a lot for about a month before I decided I needed to at least try to get it together. So I cut back to doing both only once or twice a day and started working on building a personal sense of identity. I haven’t been single at all through my pre-teen, teenage, and early adult life and constantly built my sense of self around the serious partners I had at the time. I’ve actually come pretty far in a couple months and have been really proud of the progress I’ve made, especially considering my diagnosis (I’m also bipolar, which is fun to throw into the mix). Of course, I’ve had some very obsessive and destructive thoughts, but I’ve managed to keep those things as just thoughts, (and lots of whining to my friends/family) and they’ve started to calm. 
Until yesterday. It’s thanksgiving week, schools are out, so I asked him if he’s back in town so I can drop his things off. He is. His family lives a couple blocks away. Suddenly, it’s like we just broke up. My therapist thinks that I should maybe just leave things on his doorstep and leave. But he broke up with me over the phone and I want him to look me in the eye. Deep down, I think I might be deluding myself into thinking that if he sees me, something will just click and he’ll realise he can’t live without me, the way that I feel I can’t live without him. I physically feel as though there is a magnet pulling me in his direction, tugging in my chest. He’s right around the corner and we’re not together. Last night when I realised I had to see him face to face, I had a panic attack. I feel fidgety, obsessive, constantly anxious, my appetite is gone, and I cry like once an hour. I really think that if he came back, everything would be okay again but I know that’s not true. Even while he was breaking up with me, he was telling me how much he loved me and all of the things he loved about being with me. He wanted to call it a break at first because “I don’t want this to be over.” Which makes this all the more confusing for me and really feeds into my fantasies (delusions?).
I guess I really just wanted to talk to people who understand the intensity of what I’m feeling. I know it’s really just a normal breakup and nothing really bad even happened in the relationship, sometimes things just don’t work out because of life circumstances and all. But it feels like my entire world crashed down, I barely got up, dusted myself off a bit, and then suddenly have to do it all over again.