Im tired of waking up in the morning and immediately feeling like I'm dying of anxiety. I'm tired of feeling like an empty shell, like I'm just a living simulation and not a real person. I feel so god damn sad all the time and have this pit in my stomach for no reason. I get so fucking angry over the smallest things. Minor inconveniences can send me into a rage, or just make me want to kill myself. I dont know how to express my love for people I care about that well. I can't even get myself to text my siblings a quick "hello how have you been doing, I miss you" because I think once I open up to people they're just gonna hurt or reject me somehow. My boyfriend is constantly showing me affection and gassing me up and I feel so guilty I can't do the same for him. Its like I always have to stay slightly closed off and I don't know how to be vulnerable anymore. Just him touching me for too long can give me panic attacks. It makes me feel like a terrible girlfriend. I genuinely believe he's my soul mate and love him more than anything yet I can be so cold towards him for absolutely no reason. Idk why he even likes me when my mood changes up on him every 30 minutes. I have 0 friends because I push them all away but the funny thing is I probably care about them more than they do about me. And it sucks having no fixed personality. I feel like I have no idea who I am. I discover new "passions" constantly, and it burns out within a day because my thought process is "I'm too stupid for this, I can't learn this. Guess I'll just give up." I feel so out of control of my own mind. TLDR: Im a walking trash can 