I just need help or guidance. Im not a loner or anything, but im starting to become one. I have an amazing girlfriend who is beyond supportive and treats me with nothing but kindness, love, etc. But also isnt afraid to get on my ass if need be. I'm 22 and unemployed at the moment and cant seem to hold a job. Im socially awkward as hell but try my hardest to mask it and maintain professionalism while still trying to make friends to help the days go a little smoother. It always starts off good, great even, im excited to go to work. Then about 4-5 months in i slowly find it harder to mask my social awkwardness and i become weirder and people start reacting to me different and eventually start talking shit on me. Like in a way that is never to me but always within ears distance and i can tell its about me because itll be something that happened 30 mins ago. Its a pattern and has happened for the past 4 years. I workout pretty regularly im in good shape compared to the average so its not that im overweight or lazy. 

Im starting college in a month to become a computer science major due to my high aptitude in math and technology and overall love for tech, video games, etc.
 But christmas is also at the end of the month and i am broke, like negitive bank account broke.  Unemployment is so backed up they owe me about 1500 but im scared im not gonna get it by christmas. Its eating me up. Despite all this my girlfriend is still so amazing to me and words cant describe my appreciation for her support. 

I just dont know what to do, ive started abusing perscription medication 3 days ago out of my soon to be in laws medicine cabinet and i feel myself getting deeper into this hole. I need to get out before its too late. My girlfriend knows im having a rough time but i never tell her or show her that side of my emotions because in the past I've been seen as week because i am emotional on the inside. Well I dont display it outwardly any more because i feel overly vulnerable. 

Everytime i get ahead i take 2 steps back. Its so fucking hard.

SORRY FOR THE RANT LOL. 

But i think it stems deeper, i have adhd, anxiety and depression, ans at this point im wondering if i wasnt misdiagnosed and am autistic or aspburgers or something. Ik adhd is on the spectrum and anxiety/depression is a big symptom with autism. Thats not important, but itd help me to understand myself.

Also father commited suicide when i was a teen so that doesnt help me develop the "manly" qualities society expect out of me and my lifes a mess. If you made it this far i appreciate you taking the time to read my story as of lately any advice is appreciated. Thanks