So much shit has been happening. Last night my partner and I got into an argument because something triggered me to do with sexual assault. But I showed my emotions in a bad way and got upset with my partner without explaining why. She went for a walk and she suggested we take a break for a month. I started freaking the fuck out and crying. I was panicking. I felt totally abandoned and like she hated me and didn’t care. She said the break would be for our mental health. We’re both going through a lot. She’s had panic attacks that have landed her in the er and psych unit this month. I’ve been drinking. Everything is going to shit. She said okay, we won’t take a break. But today, I feel hurt by everything. And like an asshole. I don’t know what to do. When she was suggesting the break, I had terrible images of hurting myself. I wouldn’t, and I wouldn’t even say it was ideation. Maybe it was. It just popped into my head because I felt so worthless. And my relationship with my parents, especially my mom has been terrible. I feel like everything is my fault, but I also feel hurt. No feeling feels justified. I’m so confused.