Sometimes I go off the rails, I don't know how else to put it. It's like I explode, and this happens often. I'm starting to realize that it's definitely insecurities that fule the rage. I hate myself more than I hate anything else. I think of myself as a fat ugly blob, because I am really. So any little insecurity that washes over me turns into rage, I get so angry and I don't know what to do with that anger, so I let it boil over and it doesn't stop until I've realized the damage that I've done. Holes in walls, people crying and begging me to calm down, a broken window. I just want to love myself, but honestly I can't see that happening. Would it fix the rage if I loved myself? No. I know it wouldn't, it would just be over other things. I need to take accountability for these actions that hurt property and people. How do I take accountability and change it when these emotions are like a light-switch that others are flicking. I don't know.