I sometimes split when I drink too much occasionally but this is the first time I have full on split and have struggled controlling myself in over a year. So it's hitting extra hard. I am trying with all my power to contain my emotions. 

On my way to visit family I specifically asked my bf not to mention some personal info. He agreed and promised. Then he leaked said information. I was shocked. We have been together for 2 years and I have yet to feel true anger towards him. I am livid. It hit me really hard. And then he told me "oh well, it's not a big deal, etc. In front of everyone."

I did not grow up in a cookie cutter family like he did. I've dealt with some shit that he clearly doesn't understand. Even though I have tried to explain dozens of times. On the way home I apologized for initially snapping at him. But I am still absolutely fucking upset.

I came home and went to bed. I can't speak to him. It's pointless to try to explain or get him to understand and I can't without getting angry right now. I'm laying here crying and seething with anger. What happened triggered me badly. And I fucking hate feeling this way.

I don't trust him anymore. I can't control that. That's just how it is now. I am also disappointed that something I thought I had so well under control is rearing it's ugly head. 

It was such a good day. My son's birthday is tomorrow. Fucking why? Now I feel drained. Disassociated all the way home. And I feel that I might explode any minute.