I hate living with BPD i self-sabotage every relationship. I was finally with a boy that actually cared about me. He actually treated me properly. Then I got the sudden urge to end it. Something in my gut told me i needed too. I thought i was fine i didn’t even cry, that’s what i thought was best. Then 3 hours later, I felt sick to my stomach and just started crying. I hate living like this horrible thoughts everyday and happy one second and horrible the next. Self-sabotaging the things that make me help. If i had one wish it would be to not have these emotional issues anymore.