I feel like I am made up of two parts. One part wants to get better, has dreams of a family, and thinks maybe I can survive this. The other part sees no hope. No escape from this disease. And I wish the positive part would win, but honestly I think the depression will eventually win. Even with meds mostly working, I cant escape this feeling of hopelessness and despair. And the depression part wants to win, wants me to give up. And it is so tempting. The fight is hard and I just want the pain to end. I feel so alone. My depression is just a burden to others. I can't talk to anyone about this. 6 years of counseling and multitudes of meds and I'm still struggling. I think the only true cure for me is death.