I feel so guilty for hurting the people that I love sometimes. And then I hate myself for dwelling on my own self-hatred. 

I had a huge fight with my boyfriend tonight where I completely lost control, and picking up the pieces is always awful. It’s like my negative emotions overshadow everything that is good about the relationship and all the love that I wish he knew I felt. It is so difficult to at times put myself out there and really express my love, and then for me to self-sabotage it so quickly just makes me feel like there really is no hope. 

The worst part about seeing him angry is knowing that a lot of the responsibility falls on me, and knowing that I hurt him so deeply while also feeling somewhat justified in my own actions is something that is difficult to reconcile with in my brain.