Please read, it'll explain why I'm so angry with my doctor, why I resent her, why I wish doctors would just LISTEN to us.

So, I've been on Adderall for 12 years. 

So these are my meds:

Addy  
Lamotrigine  
Topiramate  
Propanolol  
and an occasional Lorazepam

WELL, my new Doctor decided that even though Adderall has been the only constant medication I've been on in the last 12 years, she was going to mess with my dosage. YUP. Mess with my dosage. So suddenly, in September, (i've been unemployed for months btw) she started lessening my dosage (so yeah, i'm depressed, unemployed and unstable but she thinks messing with meds is a good idea...wtf). 

I went from being regular, bipolar depressed aka what I can expect my depression to be like to suddenly I REFUSE TO GET OUT OF BED FROM SEPTEMBER OCTOBER AND HALF OF NOVEMBER due to my depression aka it's a lot worse. Here's the problem: I'm unemployed. So I wasted 2.5 months doing nothing instead of applying for jobs. In those 2.5 months I could have been productive, but I did NOTHING.

Finally, mid November she decides (MIRACULOUSLY) to sort of fix her mistake. Since then, I've started feeling SOMEWHAT human again and I've started pumping out job applications and I've gotted 7 phone/zoom interviews. 

But, I'm so angry. Guys, I cry every day because I'm just so ANGRY. I feel so much resentment. I can't stop thinking and obsessing over all I could have accomplished in those 2.5 months.

Every time I spoke to her, I TOLD HER something was wrong. Every time I spoke to her I told her my depression was getting worse. I told her I couldn't function, I couldn't get out of bed, I told her I didn't want to live, I told her I didn't feel human, she CHOSE TO not listen and she CHOSE TO DO NOTHING.

I'm angry. I hate her. I'm angry at myself. I'm angry there's nothing I can do about it.