I know he doesn't want me, I know he doesn't care about me that way, and yet I find myself in his fucking bed and I'm destroyed the next day. I have someone who does care and does want me but do I want her? No. I go for the person who hurts, who makes me feel so much I want to just stop, who pushes all my fucking buttons, I don't go for safe, I go for chaos and im the one making the chaos bc he's the one who's clear about what he doesn't want, me.