I have only slept a maximum of five hours a night since Sunday. Last three days, every day someone has initiated a conflict with me. I feel highly anxious. 

I have not masturbated in a while and I know this might also be worsening my anxiety since I have been doing that stuff to much lately and need to go back to the healthy every third day I was doing months ago. 

The feeling though, I keep telling myself mentally that it would be so easy with a shotgun blast to the head. I am not suicidal. Like I talk myself away from that imediately. It just feels like in this moment that I know is passing it feels easier to not just be. 

/crying somebody