I had a rough up bringing most of my mothers exs beat me and a neighbor molested  me when I was young I told my mother who didn't believe me as I grew up I was bullied a lot due to walking with a slight limp when I about 12 my mom finally met someone who was nice and I had a closer bond with him then I did with my mom but unfortunately he passed away from cancer in 2017 I hate to say it but part of me wishes I'd lost my mom instead of my step dad as I could never trust my mom with anything she knows what I've been through and just says man up and deal with it but the older I get the more it seems to affect me since my step dad has passed I find myself either waking up on edge or having to drink my self to sleep else I relive his last moments as was with him when he passed  . When my step dad was told he had 6 months left I was with him but mom was at home  when she found out she went to her parents for 3 months I chose to give up work to care /dress/bath/hook up to feeding tube and give pain meds to my step dad and when my mom finally came back she acted like she had done every thing and tried to make me leave even when he died with in 5 mins of him being pronounced dead she packed up all his stuff and walked out and she mad at me because I cant forgive her actions sorry that this post is all over the place it's my first time posting on redit and my head is all over the place I just dont know what to do should i cut my mom out my life ,?