This post is long, and I would be very grateful if you read it in its entirety. **If you can't/don't want to, I  highlighted most important stuff.** And sorry for my English.

Hi! **I  have depression since i was 11 at least, I start treatment at 18, and now I am 23. My current diagnosis is recurrent depression**. **But It can also might be very strange bipolar disorder,**    because sometimes I have sudden switches for no apparent reason. And after switch i feel like my mood and mental health state has always  been   like this. No mania and hypomania tho. Just bad -\*hop\*-&gt;less bad--&gt;...etc. *I also have really bad anxiety and probably CPTSD.*

My previous therapists agree that the problem is mainly **in my brain-body**.   Of course therapy helps, but then -- switch -- and I just randomly feel better and can do more things. And then I can't do anything, only  crying in despair and agony day by day.

Unfortunately i don't remember exact schemes. **But I tried:**

\-  Sertraline  
\- Anafranil  
\-  Phenibut  
\- Amitriptyline  
\- fluoxetine  
\- mirtazapine  
\- Paroxetine  
\-  agomelatine (Valdoxan)  
\- Escitalopram? (Cipralex)  
\- trazodone (Trittico)  
\-  spitomine  
\- Venlafaxine

\- Quetiapine  
\- Teraligen  
\- Olanzapine  
\- Chlorprothixene  
\- Perphenazine (Etaperazin)  
\- aripiprazole

**Nothing seems to be working.**

**But maybe my last weird scheme with high (max?) dosage of quetiapin and lamotrigine helped me crawl out of 6 mouth agony. At least now I don't lie and cry for days. It could be the first time the drugs have actually helped. Although I had already been treated for bipolar disorder before.**

**Even if it helped before, it doesn't do much now.** I am still in pain and it's still getting worse. I am skeptical about these scheme. I have a feeling that if I drop them now (properly), nothing will change.  Unfortunately, I can't test this right now. Lately I've been walking on thin ice and I feel that even with these drugs, if they work, I can   fall  into a terribly bad state. I'm afraid to take risks.

I am desperate.

It seems, that my condition slowly getting worst. I am able to do less and less things during past three years. I am scared.

I  live in Israel, and health system here is fucked up, to switch psychiatrist will take mouths, so i can't search fast to find a great    one. at least I can strongly advise something to oke-ish one, this has    worked before with other specialists.

*Exercise,    good sleep schedule, meditation, supplement helped, ofcourse, but didn't significantly change things.Also in some states it feels    impossible to do some of this stuff, even by tine steps. Thyroid gland    is fine, diet is ok.*

**What should I try next? What medication or method? I am open to anything.**

I am new to Reddit, feel free to redirect me somewhere more appropriate. Or maybe you know other reddit where I can post this?

If you curious of my full symptoms, [link here](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DOeD778HIvv5vjIM5VigCDN-4Gii6YW13Rhex8R6FAM/edit?usp=sharing), but beware, it just machine google translate.

I'm glad that you read to the end. Thank you for attention.