I want to isolate myself for a while. I don't even really know why I'm talking about it here. I want to be alone but I'm trying to get attention from strangers on the internet. 

I think that I still want to be around people but I want them to stop insulting me. Last night a friend got drunk and went on a tirade about how he didn't care about me, how I was so boring, and had little business talking in the group chat. We joke around kinda rough, so I really hope he was trying to be funny and didn't relize his tone had shifted because of the alcohol. But deep down I know he was being serious.  

The day before that my dad implied how my interests were just a waste of money. 

Today my grandmother was upset that I can be so snarky. I hadn't said two sentences to her when she went off about it. I can't take this anymore. I am trying so hard but it won't be enough. I couldn't get out of bed today. Now I was made to get up and I'm trying to hide from everyone because I think if I hear one more mean remark I'm going to sink into the floor. I get it, this is all such petty stuff, but it feels constant. Like I have to work myself to the bone for kind words but these keep coming every hour. 

Everything feels wrong, sitting amd doing nothing makes me feel so useless but trying to do any of my coping mechanisms make me flustered and upset.