I know we are all here with the same "disorder," but to be honest I have found so much help and connections through this sub-reddit. I am 19 years old, i'm a guy and I have recently been diagnosed with BPD and plethora of other afflictions. To be honest my story goes as such, a typical white kid who grew up in a small town, never too many friends, divorced parents, and always felt like this society, this time, this world is not for me. At the start of 2015 I met this amazing girl who I am still madly in love with, anyways we started dating and all be it unitentional, I probably used the relationship, focused on her, and pushed aside my own problems as a result. The relationship was for the most part great we connected like neither of us ever have with anyone else, mind you she is the only girl I have ever kissed or anything as far as that. Yet as these things go, BPD always found its way in and it breaks my heart. The relationship was amazing but both of us as individuals are messed up little kids. I don't know if any of you have ever felt the same about an SO but this girl is the live of my life, she means the world to me. Its al just so bittersweet, thats because a few months ago, I had a bad spell, emotions and impulsivity went through the roof, needless to say I was all over the place. So she left me, it was too hard for her and I understand, no matter how much it breaks my heart every single day. I tried to get help and start working through things, but without her all of the want to get better and move on with life vanished. I ended up trying to commit suicide twice, I couldn't handle this world any more. Obviously I am still here, and yet the only thing that I still want frim this world is to be with her, to show her, I can manage the symptoms and control my responses. I truly will never live anyone else in my entire life, its just not hiw I work and I am fine with that, the memories of us and the times we shared are enough for me for a lifetime. I guess I just wanted all of you to be able to read and possibly relate and find hope in my story. Even though the days are still hard, it slowly gets better, I am doing the best I can and I appriciate all the support and love from my fellow redditors. I hope one day her and myself can give things another shot, but if not I have accepted the fact if I really love her and she wants to go, the I have to let her. These things are unbearable for alot of us, but together with eachothers support, no matter if you take a fall, or have a bad night, or any of it, we are all always here. Much love to anyone and everyone, please reach out if you need help.