I know this might sound ridiculous as it's not that big of a thing but it really freaks me out.

After managing to pull me out of the last cycle I've started to feel more down again lately, the flat is a mess, I am tired all the time and can't bring myself to do anything. The one thing I have been kind of looking forward to was a gig of one of my favourite bands that always make me feel better no matter what. But. The gig is a 1.5h drive away plus the pure thought of having to wait around there by myself until the actual show starts really makes me anxious. On the one hand I know I'd feel better whilst seeing them live but then there will be the gruesome drive back home plus huge traffic jams at the venue to get out of the parking lot.

Reasonable (and depressed) me is telling me to just stay home, all comfy and sleepy. But that little "why don't you" part says go, do it you'll enjoy it and it makes me feel even worse to say no to this part and take care of my self and my needs and to just accept that I am way too tired and worn out to go out.

Not sure what I'm looking for, mainly needed to get it off my chest. Any input, thoughts, idead are appreciated on how to stop feeling guilty about the fact that I am in this depressive episode again and just can't seem to change it today. Acceptance is a hard one for me.

&amp;#x200B;

Thanks for reading.