Maybe a trigger warning for the way I phrase my paranoid thoughts.
Sorry for the rambling and for the formatting, I’m on mobile.

19F, diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder for a few years now. I’ve been unmedicated for over a year, and I no longer have any mental health care since I aged out of the system.
Within the past several months, my anxiety has worsened severely. I’m getting near daily bouts of extreme paranoia surrounding my workplace and my interactions with others.

My paranoia tells me that:
- You talk too much! Now they (my coworkers) hate you and think you’re annoying and stupid! They know everything about you! They think you’re weird!
- They think you’re terrible at your job. You’re bad at it. They know. You’re going to be fired.
- You’ve done nothing this shift. You’re useless.
- You have a short shift this week! This is it. They’re going to call you into the office and get rid of you.
- You just left the room and now they’re laughing. They hate you.
- Why did you say that? You’ve made them uncomfortable! They hate you! They’re ignoring you!
And overall just thoughts that everyone thinks I’m useless, oblivious, weird, ugly, gross, annoying, etc.

These thoughts occur regardless, but are especially bad if anyone acts differently towards me (even though I know life doesn’t revolve around me).
There’s been no experiences at work that should have spurred these thoughts to come on tenfold. I’ve always just been a bit of an outsider at work because I’m not very good at social interactions. I’ve been ostracized there quite a few times before.
A lot of this stems from perfectionism, trust issues, a bit of imposter syndrome, and RSD.
I know this is all technically unrealistic as I’ve never been spoken to or written up (to my knowledge, at least) and they won’t just fire me out of the blue since I’ve been there for over two years.
Putting it down it writing makes it sound kind of ridiculous but when it’s in my head, I can’t pull myself out of it. I’ve spent so many nights having panic attacks and losing hours of sleep because I can’t stop thinking about this.

Getting a therapist is unrealistic for the time being because I don’t have the money for that and the mental health care here is garbage.
Losing my job would genuinely destroy me because I’m very attached to it and there’s very very few job opportunities here for a high school dropout.

I’m just hopefully looking for some outside voices of reason and maybe some coping mechanisms for this horrible paranoia.

TLDR: Paranoid that the people around me hate me and that I’m going to be fired from my job. Causing sleep loss and panic attacks. Advice would be great.