My therapist said I seem resistant to therapy. She wants me to confront my parents to "resolve my trauma" or some shit and I cannot do that. I just refused. She said I need to do that for therapy to progress and be effective. But I can't.

I've expressed this overwhelming fear to a friend and he said "It sounds like you don't want your BPD to be treated". I do. I just don't want my parents to be able to notice anything is wrong. I *need* to maintain the image of being their perfect daughter.

He also said, and I quote, "If I were you: if BPD was making my life this much of a living hell, wouldn't you go through hell and highwater to get it treated?"

Which pissed me off. He can't possibly begin to understand. It felt like he was invalidating me. Saying that my issues aren't that bad or even nonexistent.

I don't think anyone can understand. The feeling of being a living contradiction, a paradox. The struggle of being torn and trying to protect yourself but at the same time letting your issues get more severe.