They're no longer interested in me. I thought we were going to last a long time. They don't know if they're romantically attracted to me and they don't want to be monogamous and they don't want to date me.

I trusted them. I have so many memories with them. They were my best and closest friend. I felt safe around them. I loved being in their arms. I really cared about them. Things got too hard too often.

I wanted us to be the right people for each other. But they don't want me. I was ultimately right. I always am. I always end up unwanted and left and broken up with. I don't care about years from now the right person finding me or whatever. I've been suicidal on and off for years, especially so in the last few weeks. I don't know how to live through a break up. I just want to die.

I know I have to respect their feelings, so I do. They had every right to break this off and go on dates (and they're back on dating apps already) and live and try things out. It still is just a shock. I thought we were both gonna improve on our mental health then aim for being back tgether, but they're no longer interested.

I have no other friends and a fucked up family life. They really were my everything.

They were so wonderful and daft and cute and funny and bright and smiley and relatable and awesome and so so good to be around. I don't know how to process that they don't want me.


I'm never going to get through this. I get so much physical pain at the centre of my chest whenever I go through breakups. Like tidal waves of pain, so intense and for so many months. I usually hold onto falling apart relationships for as long as possible so that I don't need to start getting over them. I wish the people I cared about would fight for me too, but it seems if I stop fighting, the ship sinks.