As a short background I've been in therapy for most of my life, I've been through DBT four times, I've been in recovery for drugs and alcohol for over 6 years, I regularly attend 12-step meetings, I have a good support system, and I work on myself daily. 

To get to the point of this post, I recently lost a very close friend who also had BPD to suicide. I was his best friend and his FP. He had a suicide attempt about 2 months ago and I got him checked into the hospital and he stayed there for a few days and seemed like he was really going to try to start working on himself. He had looked up to me because of all the ways I had improved my Life by working hard and he just never found the reason to try to do it, he couldn't find the will to want to get better inside of him. It got so bad to the point where about a month ago I had to end my friendship with him for the time being cuz I had boundary's set with him and he kept breaking them and was being too toxic and it started to affect my recovery. But then last week he took his life after surrounding himself with really horrible people that didn't care about him at all. I'm hurting really bad because of all this and I'm having a hard time dealing with all the what if thoughts and feelings of guilt and helplessness and feeling like there should have been more that I could have done for him.

I guess what I'm looking for is if anybody's gone through anything similar or if anybody has any ideas of how to work through this and how to process it I would really appreciate it.

Despite all the tools I have in the recovery I've done I'm feeling really lost and hurt. I'm handling it better than I expected I would but it's not making it easier.