I'm a high energy extrovert and I usually have no issue having friends and staying busy. But I have seasons of anxiety/depression where I can't be that way, and it gets really hard because nobody sticks around during those times when I'm not myself.

It makes me feel incredibly lonely and as if nobody actually loves or cares about me. Only when I'm super bubbly and being funny do I genuinely feel like I have friends and I matter, but like lately, I've been really struggling with life and I've never felt so alone.

I also found out some of my friends have been doing stuff without me and I guess that was like the icing on the cake for my anxious/sad feelings. I think I feel rejected, too.

I just feel so lost in times like this because I really am people oriented and I love people so much, so when I am reminded of how little I actually matter, it makes it hard to do anything.

Sorry if I shouldn't post this but I just needed to get it off my chest. I've been having pretty bad thoughts lately because school is getting so hard and I'm not doing well, and I don't know what I'm doing with my life although I graduate in May, and having not a single soul to make me feel a little better/loved makes me feel like I have no place here. 

I had a panic attack last weekend so I didn't send a single text to anyone (because I was in the hospital and mentally exhausted), and after 4 days of silence, I finally texted my friend, but it hurt me a lot knowing absolutely nobody would notice me gone.

Sorry for this post. I just wanted to write about it and I thought I'd feel a little less lonely.