I'm tired my God, sometimes I don't even know what to do anymore, I feel physically and mentally exhausted, I feel like I'm going crazy, when will this end, when will you give me a break, perhaps my purpose is just to suffer so I can appreciate the little moments of peace, if so I don't want it, I want to be selfish and not know how to appreciate those moments, I want to be selfish and not think about my parents, I want to be selfish and only think about my rest without worrying about the consequences.
Why? Why when everything seems to be going well and that I am having a normal life I come back and fall back into the same cycle… what am I doing with my life? I am a mediocre person, I am going to die without having achieved anything, why was I born? And I go on and on…   my head feels like it’s going to bursts, someone take it off, two ibuprofen’s each time the pain returns. my whole body hurts but don't complain because you’re going to tire the people around you with so much noise. my chest hurts I must have something on my heart but don't tell anyone because they will tell you it's just stress. I'm short of breath I can't breathe, salbutamol two puffs whenever I can, no but I must have something in my lungs but I don't want to bother my mom with the same old thing, then I end up back in the ER, perfect vital signs, do you by any chance suffer from anxiety or panic disorder? The question that I don't want to receive because I know that in the end they always blame me, they say I should know when it’s a panic attack and when it’s asthma,but how the hell do you know what it's real and what it's a lie when every damn day you feel like you're dying or that something is going to happen to you.How do I know it  is a product of my mind when I feel like there is no more air in the world and I can't do anything but breathe as hard as I can, how can you tell me I'm fine when I feel like complete shit, how can you tell me you hear nothing on my lungs when you see me desperately trying to take a breath, everything is so real that it drives me crazy to be told that I'm fine.
Depression what is that? I only know what it's like to want to sleep the damn 24 hours of the day because it's the only moment where I don't feel pain and I feel at peace and that's when I think that death shouldn't be so bad, just rest, no more pain or crying , but then my mind starts to work and think nonstop that it it's 4 in the morning and I haven't been able to sleep. my mind it’s just playing with me because at times I just want to sleep, at others I can't even do that, at times I just want to die, at others I am desperate to think that I have a serious illness and I may die, what does my mind want from me? Because if it is consuming me little by little, it is achieving it, and what scares me the most is that since I was little I thought I would die young and by my own hands, and it seems that little by little I am heading towards that path.