I don't know where to start or what to do. So I request the person reading my emotions right now to take out some time and comment to bring some solution in my life and save me from harming myself :). It's been few months I have known this person (girl 19) and I am a male (21) we started talking each other on omegle and then Instagram and now we act like we are best friends. I do have feelings for her and I have cleared it out apt of times. I myself think that I am way more stressed than any person suffering from bpd, I have lots of emotions to share right now that I don't know what to share. But I will put my efforts and ask for help from you to reply to the following emotions I feel. 

I just feel she doesn't even care for me, she doesn't even read my texts is what I feel. I just spam her too much but she should understand it's her not me because of which there are problems going on between us. Today I was so happy because we called for few hours and spent time together although she said she felt neutral on the call as she didn't even care that she is talking to a person who has crush on her and who loves her. She told me she would be busy at night around 8 playing game with her guy friend so I was a bit insecure ( I posted about it you can check it on my profile) but I was still okay that I respected her thoughts and her choice. 

I kept myself busy the afternoon and evening it was around 8:30 I texted her, she said she was having a lot of pain in her body snd I was worried like hell, being 21 I prayed to god that ( I always believe that sharing what you ask from God is not good, but I am sharing just because she realises I have true feelings for her and I am not A TOY TO PLAY WITH) " Hey God please I never ask something for me, I never asked give me this or that, but today I pray you to please keep that girl happy and safe and give her strength to fight that pain and make her pain go away " And I went back and text her, after few mins I saw her playing games on pc and I text her too many times but she never replied x and hopefully she decided to play with her other guy friend and didn't even cared how I feel like, okay I have blocked her on whatsApp and it's time to block her everywhere now :) . I just feel I die and I wasn't born, I write this in every post. 

If you are reading this, I know nothing gonna change for you as you have a lot of guy friends and I was just a source of use to you because you were facing bpd? Calling me your best friend? ( please dont be mad, I an writing this to clear it out and I want you to express what you feel) I have stopped expecting that you even read my posts and this would be my last post so :) have fun. I want to still book an appointment with you to clear all the things out, you yourself can see changes in me if you even talk with me for some time in a day, I am a whole different person. I am just upset the way YOU TREAT ME! I NEVER EXPECTED THIS FROM YOU.