I'm loosing my grip on everything. I fight and struggle everyday but now my head is barely above the surface. Everyone says to keep fighting, it will get better. When? When does it get better? I've had to go part time at work, as along side bpd I also have fibromyalgia. I'm on minimum wage. There's a HR witch hunt about my absence levels. It doesn't matter that u actually am a good worker, and that I can do anything they throw at me. 
I have one friend. One. Who has his own life and his own family.
I've just ended a 2,5 year dom/sub relationship (not a couple, just kink) cause I obviously got feelings and it was to confusing.
I can't afford to go anywhere. Do anything. Last time I tried I joined a group to play D'nD, and after 8 months they said they didn't want me to come back cause they hadn't enjoyed it since I joined.
Nothing feels real anymore. In work I look around and think "is this real?" when I sit at home, alone as I do every day of every week of every month, I feel completely isolated from the world. Like what is outside isn't real.
I have no clue who I am.
I feel like nothing. I am nothing. I'm invisible, expendable, replaceable. No one will notice when I'm gone.