I'm just gonna dive right in and hope this makes sense. 

I've started seeing someone new who I really like. This morning I began feeling negative about it and realised I'm experiencing typical idealisation and devaluation. I decided to try and research it so I could understand better and hopefully find coping methods or develop my own. Opening the first hit on google, I encountered the common problem of the wording of articles making me feel like shit, especially when aimed at those who know someone with bpd rather than someone who has it. In a previous relationship, I googled the fuck out of bpd and the symptoms. It made me worse in so many ways. I had hoped I was strong enough now to not let others' opinions of who I am based on my diagnosis get to me. I felt I was secure enough to not let undermining summarisations of relationships with someone with bpd get to me. But I really think if I try to google this on my own, I'll go back to that destructive head space I was in previously. 

I'm not sure what I'd like from you dear reader. I suppose any advice on how to handle idealisation and devaluation, or even how to cope with how reading about bpd can make me feel. Anyway, thank you. 