I'm 29. Five years ago I got my bachelor's degree in biology. I had planned on getting the degree and then using it to get into a marine biology master's program at another school. The problem is, my GPA was quite bad by the time of my graduation. It was from a combination of factors including depression, an inability to keep on track with my studied during the semester, an extreme sense of self consciousness, shame at being around so many people more well groomed, adjusted than me, and a constant need to avoid confronting both my study schedule and college life. I was miserable, and even though I got my degree my self esteem was crushed. After I graduated I tried getting into a program at a university that I had done a guest semester, getting good grades and hoping I'd make an impression enough to draw the interest program sponsor. It didn't work. I've basically spent the last five years trying to avoid thinking too much about my future, using my degree to work decent paying lab jobs and just trying to enjoy my day to day life. But because of a sudden change in my apartment arrangement, I can no longer easily avoid looking to my future anymore. I've told my family I was thinking of going to get a second bachelor's degree in Marine biology, transferring credits from my current degree, and then using that to get into a masters program.  
As soon as I muster up the courage to start looking into colleges, the fear starts to become so overwhelming that I get tempted to just find one school and go with it just to minimize the amount of time I spend doing the anxious activity, and that makes me afraid I'll make another long and drawn out life mistake like it was in getting my first degree. It makes me wonder if, after five years, I've even developed any of the life-organizing skills that I need to get that marine biology degree. Worse than that is the fear that, after getting that degree, a job in Marine biology won't bring me the satisfaction in life that I'm needing. If I don't pursue what I've always said I've wanted to do through out my life, and I can't see myself getting into any relationships or starting a family-- I can barely even make friends-- so what else would I even do with my life? After five years of trying to enjoy day to day living I'm finding I'm simply not happy. But I'm terrified to get out of it at this point, and I've found I'm falling back into old habits of relying on escapism and procrastination in order to avoid confronting this looming issue. I'm terrified of my family seeing me not reach the dream I've always said I'd wanted, and see no other real options in my life to be happy other than trying to pursue this painfully terrifying and uncertain road that, like I said, has burned me badly in the past and has no guarantee of working. But I'm also terrified of regret: both the regret of not taking a chance to pursue my dream and just meandering about with no real purpose for the rest of my life, the regret of trying for this second degree and failing to get it, and the regret of successfully getting this degree and still being unhappy and unfulfilled at the end of it all.   


Do you guys have any advice?