Hi these are some things I’ve been feeling lately that I need to say onto a forum where people may understand me a little bit.

- My emotions run me. I know it’s happening. I know people can see. I feel embarrassed but I can’t seem to stop. I go into rage mode, or really sad mode, or when I’m happy even I am ELATED and it’s kind of embarrassing because I tend to talk a lot and say a lot of things that are personal. I can’t stop it. If I’m sad everybody can tell. If I’m mad I need to let it out. 
- I take criticism really really hard. Today at work I tried on a sweater that I really liked and then someone gave me a bad look and the rest of the day I was like “okay so I’m a fugly bitch and no one likes me” and I didn’t buy it and the rest of the day I was a mess.
- I have a lot of anger. Like heaps of it. It’s oozing out of my ears. I get mad when people say I’m good at something. I get mad when people try to comfort me. I get mad when people do nice things for me. Why? Because I think they are just pittying me. They’re doing it because it’s “what’s right” not because they actually care. Why tf would anyone care about me I am so messy and annoying. I annoy myself.
- I don’t know who I am. What do I act like normally? I have no fucking clue because it changes by the day. Or the hour. Maybe even the minute. I’m elated one minute, chatty Cathy all the way, then something happens and I’m a mopey loser. On top of all this I feel like no one really likes any of the options I have as far as personality because I’m just strong emotions morphed into the shape of a person. 
- I fucking trick everyone around me. I start out as this awesome, cool person (because that’s how I want them to perceive me) and make them trust me, and then I fuck it all up by showing them how fucked up emotionally I actually am. I am so good at getting people to like me, I tell them exactly what they want to hear, and then I can’t keep up with the charade for too much longer. I break. I have an “episode” of sorts in front of them and it fucks up how they perceive me forever.

Anyways. Along with all of this I am completely self aware. I just saw a quote on another thread, “it’s like being trapped in my own body with a crazy person.” Which is like, exactly how I feel most of the time.