I am 23 years old and I am planning on getting married in September and moving out by then. I am happy to be getting married, I am happy to be moving out and starting my adult life, but I have never been more miserable in my LIFE. My friends and I have been on a very rocky road since 2020 and basically every social event since has been incredibly awkward. The last time we hung out during thanksgiving was great I thought we broke through and it was okay for a while, but of course there is that awkward transition from arguing to friends again. Unfortunately, during this time my dad went to rehab for alcoholism. Talking to my friends just felt off, I didn’t dislocate this information because I felt like it was too much too fast. Then I got COVID in December and I spent too much time alone and I just got in my head. I cut all contact. The more days passed the more I told myself to respond to texts and to just talk that it wasn’t too late. But it was so hard. My dad left rehab and immediately relapsed. It was hard,and I wanted to just talk about it but I’m at a point in my life where I just avoid confronting my feelings and my emotions just because it’s easier. I’m physically okay, I’m getting ready to get married, I SHOULD feel ok. But I’m miserable. I keep thinking that my friends possibly think I’m intentionally ignoring them or that I’ve just decided not to pursue a friendship with them anymore. It’s not just them, I’ve also cut acquaintances out of my life, that I’m pretty sure would have budded into amazing friendships. I’m at a point where every time I get alone time and it’s just me, I just get sad because I think of everything wrong in my life all at once. The worst part is that I know I’m the only one who can help me, whether it’s through therapy or just reaching out to my friends, but I just can’t bring myself to do it or anything for that matter. I don’t know what to do anymore.