I've ruined every friendship and romantic interest I've ever had and I'm alone. None of those relationships are reconcilable. Right now, the only thing getting me through the day is alcohol, weed, and my job. I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. 

&amp;#x200B;

I want friends but I've been so withdrawn from social life that I have a hard time building the courage to put myself out there. I find interacting with others emotionally exhausting and painful. My ex, the only one who truly understood and appreciated my introverted ways, is not in the picture anymore.

&amp;#x200B;

I know I should use this opportunity to "explore myself" but I just can't. I just am fucking lonely.