Hi there. New to Reddit. Dunno if I'm depressed. Signs are there but never bothered to check with a doctor. I have to throw something out there.

There are two things I hate. One of them is myself.

At least, that's what my body should be, right? This mix of proteins, salt, water and cells. Well, I refuse to associate with it. I'm well aware that this living meat that rots with age is merely a cage for the true me, as is the case with everyone. There is nothing worth saving.

Except one thing. I, whether that is justified or not, believe that the only blessing I have is my mind. Trouble is, my greatest blessing works against me.

What's it like to have it? Well. Imagine someone following you around. Imagine that when you need peace the most, they whisper things like "always alone" or "you will never be free". Imagine that they squash every single hope for a brighter future you want to have, with arguments so good you can't counter them. Imagine that, whenever it sees ones of those lovey-dovey couples it begins to feel jealous because, deep down, it knows that it is utterly incapable of making such deep connections with another human being. If you want to be poetic, imagine it fighting hordes upon hordes of monsters and demons, knowing full well that its effort is futile because their assault is never gonna end.

Believe me when I say it wasn't always like this. At least I think. It was far too immersed in learning and othersimilar stuff to bother with petty human things. Then, one day it hit like a truck. There was this sudden wave of loneliness I never felt before, like waking up from a catatonic state. It went downhill really fast.

Sry for the long post.