

Basically to sum it up is exactly what the title says I know that I have this disorder and I know that it causes me to have extreme emotions and feel things deeper than other people might basically making me extremely sensitive but every time something hurts me every time something makes me sad every time something is painful I get angry at myself because I feel like I shouldn’t feel like that I feel like I don’t want to feel like that every time I’m talking to someone and they randomly block me or they don’t respond to my message when i want them to or anything any simple thing in life that can cause me any type of stress I try my hardest to act like it’s not happening I try to my hardest act like nothing phases me it’s gotten to the point where I tell myself every day that I don’t need anyone I’ll even say it in front of my own friends and say that if one day our friendship ends or of one day something happens and we just don’t get along anymore it’s OK because that’s just life and in life we don’t need anyone but ourselves and while that is a factual statement I never realized how much it was truly hurting my friends until they told me how it made them feel and I couldn’t understand why because isn’t it true I ended up apologizing to them but it’s still something that I tell myself every day I was venting to my best friend the other day and I told her about this guy that I like but I told her every single time I would talk about him I would say it doesn’t even matter though because he’s just gonna end up blocking me like everybody else even if we meet up He probably won’t like me just like everybody else and I got to the point where I just started crying and I told her how much I just always feel like I’m never good enough and she pointed some things out to me about how I’m extremely pessimistic towards myself and only myself but I’m an extremely optimistic and positive person when it comes to other people but honestly I think if I tell myself something terrible will happen when it actually happens it won’t hurt as bad and I won’t be surprised if I tell myself I don’t need anyone when they leave at least I prepared myself for it it’s hard to believe that anyone is really going to stick around at least for forever I always think to myself it’s just a matter of time that all of these happy moments will just be a memory every friendship falls out every relationship breaks up and then I’m right back where I started I wish they could understand that and I wish I didn’t get so angry at myself every single time I cried or every single time I felt that sinking feeling in my chest every Single time I got anxiety over something I can’t control I wish I didn’t get angry at myself for being a human because I feel like a weak one I just think life would be so much easier if I were the complete opposite of myself like a sociopath or some thing because at least nobody could see how much they were hurting me