My anxiety crises decreasing year by year but sometimes I have the biggest one. 

I know I don't need someone but sometimes I feel that need to loved.

I've been alone during my life. Okay, I get some friends who talk but I don't have best frined, I am not best friend to someone neither. I didn't have social circle.

So I'm used to be alone. Go to restaurants, see movies theatre, travel abroad all events. Sometimes, I do them with my cousin and two friends but 90% of them I prefer alone. 

I was shy student in high school and university. I realized i had to overcome the prep school of the university. I was able to little social in later years. 

Today, I've overcome totally be shy. I believe I am a social person. I diagnosed with anxiety in 2014. I've taken an antidepressant but I'm better than past. I never get family support. I saw therapist secretly. I didn't tell my mom for 2 years. I was all alone.

I don't disturb be alone, on contrary, I'm an introverted person. I am proud of myself I am able to be alone.

Anyway, when being sophomore in university (still shy talking to girls), I crushed girl who studied Turkish philology but She gave up the junior year. I confessed but she rejected me. I understood. 

I tried to struggle, on the other hand, I tried to enjoy life and I did. I struggled successfully, and I enjoyed. I went abroad myself, traveled. I improved myself. I believe friends in work like me.

I'm not an average person. I've the world view.

But something is missing. I couldn't get it. I know it but I don't get what it is.

I've crush a girl who works in the same company. I've tring to approach her for 1,5 years. Today, We are freinds but just friends.

Not only her but also other friends respect me, like me. I can understand it. 

but, I never get back to a girl on love. I have to accept it, i guess. Something is wrong but I'm not sure. I need be loved.