I’m a woman who’s currently in the process of deciding if I want to have a baby. (Yes, I’m in therapy and have a psychiatrist.)

I have a long history with mental health (anorexia, anxiety, and suicidal depression)  and psych meds. I was continually on psych meds from the age of 15-29, probably on over a dozen medications. Until earlier this year, I’d been of psych meds completely for 6 years. I was able to keep my anxiety and depression at manageable levels with lifestyle choices (not always great, but good enough). Earlier this year I started on a minimal dose of a tricyclic antidepressant for a neuropathic pain problem, and the only mental impact I’m having is sleeping better.

Even contemplating a baby made my anxiety come back with a vengeance. I was walking around at an 8/10. I had a couple panic attacks, and basically lived in a state of anxiety attack. My regular coping methods were having zero effect. In the rare moments I wasn’t particularly anxious, I was depressed because I was so anxious. And I was decompensating fast; I was becoming non-functional and drinking too much. 

Went to a GP. Got a script for vistaril (which I’ve had before. I prefer it over benzos.), and a referral to a psychiatrist. Went to the psychiatrist this week, and started on a low dose of Pristiq. 

I have been vocal with EVERY health professional I’ve spoken to about my desire and perceived need of psychotropic medication in pregnancy. I have told them it’s non-negotiable: I need medication. I told the psychiatrist to ONLY prescribe a medication that they would continue in pregnancy. She didn’t want to go with an SNRI, but I’ve already been on and exhausted all “safe” SSRI options. 


And yet here I am, still petrified that they’re lying to me, and if I actually become pregnant they’re going to make me come off any med that ends up getting this anxiety under control. The OBGYN (who is only marginally aware of my mental health history) seemed very opposed to anything but Zoloft, which is the safest...and never worked for me. I’m just so scared they’re going to go “well you were able to manage your anxiety for 6 years with strict routines and exercise, why can’t you do that now?”