I’ve just worked out of the most severe episode of mania I’ve faced in a long time, but now I’m surrounded by the fallout and I’m not sure about what I do to fix the hurt. I was already on poor terms with my father and stepmother right before the episode, but then I just completely shut them out, and haven’t talked to them at all in over a week. I touched base with my mother a couple of times, the first time I was cold, indifferent, until she started discussing admitting me for recent suicidal behaviors, which brought out an angry, threatening self I’m not at all proud of. The second time was while I was working a few nights back, and I was at the peak of my mania. I felt like I was absolutely losing my shit, and told my mother about it all, about everything I was thinking, recognizing that it was hurtful and irrational but not being able to stop. It felt like I was at the wheel of a car but it was on autopilot. She wasn’t hearing me out as I requested, which further aggravated me until I decided to head back in for work. I can’t remember feeling so cynical of everyone, so angry and spiteful. I felt like my family only had their own interests in mind, not at all truly caring about me. My mother told me I lied to all of them, which I did, and now they can’t trust me. Then with my partner, there was some distancing I detected right at the cusp of my episode coming on, which my brain decided to utilize as solid proof that they don’t give a shit about me in any regard, that I was just some toy for them to preoccupy themselves with, and they never loved me and only acted like they did when I was manic so they could use me again. I’m still working on washing out that mentality. I said some hurtful things to them, not insulting per say, but nonetheless degrading to their care for me. I’m trying to figure out means to start repairing the damages I’ve done to all these people I love dearly. Any ideas?