As many of u probably relate, it always feels like i need to make a decision as to whether i will put my energy into being a good person or into paying my bills and having a job and function as a member of society. It’s impossible. It’s not like i didn’t already hate myself and now i’m trying to be a better person. but now that i’m actively trying to be better, it’s affecting me in other ways. So i’m either nice to people and just take in all the shit myself or i stop trying to be nice and focus on living. and i don’t want to focus on living