I’m alive but I don’t feel like I am. In, literally, every single aspect of life I am a problem. Including to myself, my mom, my dad, my brothers, my boyfriend, the few friends that I have anymore. Nothing is happy. Nothing is good. I don’t deserve to the life I have because I don’t even want it. I’m constantly drawn between giving my absolute all and giving up. All I honestly do for this world is occupy space, waste my money and other people’s money, waste food (which should be going to starving children in third world countries) or just not eat at all which makes me have absolutely no energy and not be able to use my brain or function effectively because I feel guilty for eating. I’m just a burden so why can’t I bring myself to kill myself no matter how much my head and, lately, even my heart tell me it’s the best option..? I guess I can’t even get that right. Right now it feels like I’ll never have the energy to leave my bed ever again. I have a class tomorrow at 9am that my parents spent a lot of money on and I don’t even think I’m mentally sane enough to attend. Yet again just a disappoint and financial burden. Guess I’ll just set my alarm and force myself through the day tomorrow with a fake smile cause I’m really, really good at that. If there are any murders or psychos out there that want to volunteer to shoot me please reach out. Gonna close my eyes and hopefully sleep maybe if I’m lucky I’ll dream of a different life. Honestly a mental institution sounds pretty good. Anyways, if anyone just wants to talk about anything private msg me cause that’s one thing I can do is talk and type forever, the one thing that never stops are my thoughts from racing that’s for sure. So, if there really is anyone in the reddit world that WANTS to listen to whatever I have to say, (honestly I wouldn’t even recommend it so like I’m really not selling it here but...) reach out. I love to listen to whatever too. I can maybe try and be helpful?