Therapy has been...kind of intense, at least, ive learnt  a lot about myself the past few sessions... i dont like to talk about it when i come back home aferwards lately and i suppose i swtch off from it.  
i spend most of my time completely not associating with my BPD diagnosis, but then i realise in situations like this...yep, still got it.

&amp;#x200B;

i read a situation wrong, and ended up having a full blown menltdown. Thrown up, because i felt undeserving of food because i was a disgustng person, wanted to disappear after i got in the shower, bawling my eyes out, howling. im not "allowed" to cry when my boyfriend is around, he doesnt know how to deal with it. i kept repeating "i dont want to be here any more" something i would say when i was younger, in a bad way, bad living situation....

ive not had the urge to self harm in any form (for me obsessive hair pulling, skin picking, hitting myself, making my self sick) for a while, but today i did.

ive not wanted to disappear or die for a while too, but today i did.  


i just wanted to go to bed at a normal time. 

post meltdown confusion cloud.