Context - I’ve been diagnosed with BPD for three years. Been in a relationship with my boyfriend of 1 year and he has also previously dated someone with BPD before dating me

I sometimes feel my bf gaslights me because he’ll tell me that I haven’t experienced what I thought or know for sure I did. I know invalidation triggers me it’s the fundamental reason for my existence of BPD. By invalidating my feelings that then triggers the rage and then once the rage has subsided I then gaslight myself and then begin to doubt my feelings and experiences. He often mentions how my "perception of things are skewed” Which fucks with my head a lot it’s such a fucked up thing to say to someone with BPD. Sometimes I feel I’m going crazy because I can’t then work out what’s accurate whether my version of events/experiences are true. His invalidation can often be him blurting out things like “Jesus” or anything to suggest what I’m saying is ridiculous when I’m telling him how I feel. He tends to tell me how I’m a “child” or blame me rather than acknowledging or tell me that I’m making things up or how X never happened. It’s so frustrating because my bf is charming he knows how to make himself look so great cos he says the right things in front of people, he’s very articulate even when distressed or in conflict and he knows he is and I’m not. Once I’m triggered I tend to go silence and/or withdraw because in my head I’m trying to figure out what emotion I’m feeling and why and at times it’s extremely difficult to decipher that. All whilst this happens in my head my bf will tell me to tell him what’s wrong and then when I finally get the courage to tell him he immediately invalidates my feelings and I instantly regret telling him anything. He doesnt take any responsibility for how he may have contributed to the way I felt. I’m shutting down emotionally it’s wearing me.