About 3 months ago I got scared my favorite person was pulling away from me and was about to tell me she didn’t want to be friends anymore so I did what I always do I ran away and blocked her on everything and I feel sick about it still I think about her every day I even dream about her I want to reach out so bad and apologize but I’m so scared she won’t respond or worse say she hates me and never wants to talk to me again which was the reason I blocked her in the first place I love her so much we have known each other for a really long time Another issue I keep thinking about is I got diagnosed with BPD after I blocked her and before I did I know that she was debating with her self she has it and was trying to go get Diagnosed as far as I know she still hasn’t talked to a doctor about it and when I got diagnosed she was like the first person I wanted to tell that I’m scared that I tell her she’ll think I Only got tested because she was talking about it and I’m taking it she’s like a big fear of mine because what if everything I’m doing this projection off of her because sometimes I loosely project my things off work so I think she’s just so cool and amazing but at same time I didn’t lie when I was talking to the doctor but what if she thinks I did and I’m so scared but I want to talk with her so bad and I don’t know what to do she’s probably been the most Important person in my life and she was there through so much of my trauma it just hurts thinking about not having you in my life this is kind of all over the place I’m just rambling at this point ugh