Hi, I don't really know what to say, but I want someone to listen, so here I go. I have been struggling with depression since I was 13 years old. It started with feeling sad, but it quickly escalated to severe self harm and suicidal thoughts. And I had to do it all by myself. Everybody knew, but nobody cared enough to say or do anything. Even my parents and by friends just let me be. They even get frustrated  when I am sad, they say I am lucky with my life.   
Currently, I am 17 years old and it is not better. I learned how to help myself when I am sad or having a panic attack, but it is not enough. Therefore, I resorted to even worse self harming and i started experimenting with drugs and alcohol.  

I want to die, I have wanted this for 4 years now. I don't know what to do, I secretly went to a doctor and I have a referral to a therapist, but i don't believe it is going to help. 

Thanks for listening, i really appreciate it. :)