Sometimes in social situations (even with my closest friends, and the 3 who know about my disorder) I start feeling like no one is paying attention to me or has anything to say to me and my brain starts finding tons of evidence for it ("she won't make eye contact with me," "they are purposefully talking about something I don't understand to exclude me," etc). And it completely crushes my emotions and I pretty much shut down externally. 

I really want to ask my loved ones (especially the 3 who know about my disorder) things like "are you upset with me" or "do you feel safe with me" as a kind of reality check. Sometimes I succeed in doing this but more often the mere thought of it results in a wave of self-loathing and disgust ("those questions are clingy and manipulative," "I'm just acting possessive and childish," etc). 

I just want to break out of this cycle with my own coping mechanism. It doesn't work at all to just attempt to convince myself that people love me. The emotions just bulldoze right over everything. Getting affectionate attention from somebody else will almost always improve my mood, but I don't want to completely rely on other people to affirm my self-worth. 

So... any suggestions for solo coping mechanisms?