You know those slightly smarmy advice articles you read when you're down, that tell you to change your mindset, pursue a hobby that makes you happy, and simply get out of your comfort zone? Yeah. I wish changing being depressed was easy as they make it sound. 

Prozac is the fourth drug I've taken to curb my depression and at least try and function like a normal twenty-one year old, but it's showed no signs of improving. I still feel worthless, incompetent, like I'm pissing the best years of my life down the drain. 

I'm in therapy. I'm physically active. I'm social. I get decent grades in college, I'm set to graduate next year. I'm doing everything I can, all the right things to better myself and here I am: still feeling like I'm worthless, like I'm a mentally stunted 13 yr old living in an adult's body. Everything takes so much effort. Why can't I just use my willpower and simply get better? People tell me to believe in "personal power", that it's "all in my head", and that I'm "loved and people like being around me." I don't feel any of it. 

What do I do with myself, besides eat sleep and scroll on my phone? I keep thinking about dying, out of hopelessness. Life looks so easy for everyone else. People don't understand when I try to tell them how I feel. My family just thinks I'm lazy, that I'm weak, that I'm a quitter. I've lost friendships because of me being mentally ill. I'm tired of this. I wish I was loved and understood.