Hey guys this is kinds of an update or follow up to my last post, because some more stuff happened and more questions arose in my head. I'm on mobile so sorry for the shitty formatting. 

this is going to be a long read and if you're reading this I'm extremely thankful 

"We still stayed in the same discord group after our breakup and haven't interacted at all pretty much, other than maybe once when i helped her out on what to get for a person as a christmas gift (lol), but pretty much no direct interaction at all.

That was until today, when one of her friends wanted to play a game, and i wanted to hop on with him. When i was gonna join the vc, she was in there too with him. It took me a long time to get over the stress and stuff but I have joined. 

Well idk what to say, she sounded normal, and didnt mind me at all, and talked to me directly as well and joked with me, I joked back and tried to act cool, but i kinda feel like i gave off depressed vibes or something. Looking back im not sure how i was, but i think it went well. She sounded like she forgot me and about us, which kinda proved what i was guessing, since the last time i tried to reach out to her, wrote her a letter, she just replied to me with "man you need to get over it".  

After we were done with the game and left the voice channel we kind of communicated in chat, asked me how good i am now at a game she introduced me to, and joked a bit more.

And now, after all of this, I have no idea how I feel, or how should I feel. I feel kind of depressed, hearing how she was completely over us, but I'm kind of getting my hopes up again and i feel kind of positive because of how well it went, that after having this dynamic between each other, there might be a chance again. I feel like i should feel depressed and suicidal again, but i dont and i dont understand that (will probably hit me later), but i kind of feel hopeful and like things are starting to get back on track."

This is where the last post stopped, since that, she has joined a discord server of my "friend group" (rather people I know from school) and plays a lot with them, I see her in voice chat with them almost every single day and it's making me feel really bad, I feel like she's trying to replace me with people that have something common with me (I might just be selfish, not everything is happening around me) and that makes me feel pretty bad and pushed away even further. 

I have played some games with her today, and I just realised how different she is. She's not the same person I've knows months ago, like a completely different person. what happened? like honestly what happened to her that lead her to change? But overall this didn't go the best it could have.

Every day I just find myself wondering "what went wrong??" like I honestly want to know what went wrong and what I did wrong, I tried to be the best but I just can't wrap my head around how this happened I just want to know why I wasn't enough. 

Honestly I've been really scared if having to go back to school (I'm in digital education since covid) because of how depressed and I am, and I'm really paranoid because we'll have to go back soon, and I know I won't be able to pretend I'm okay anymore, and I'm affraid my "friends" will notice this and tell her, ultimately worsening everything because I want her to see me as a better person and not a depressed messed up idiot. 

She definitely seems like she has moved on and doesn't give a single fuck about me. I should have known this since her "man you really need to get over it" response. I find myself day dreaming a lot about how our relationship started, how I fell in love for the first time, the butterflies she made me feel in my stomach and all the compassion and love I have felt toward her and how colourful my life was, and how much I have done for her. 

I just wish she missed me at least a bit and I wish I was worth it. Going to sleep I just hope that I'll wake up to a message from her, and I'm just hoping for having her want me out of the sudden but this will not happen. I'm just a hopeless idiot, and she will never want me back, she seems so happy and I'm just a ghost, I wonder why I can't be missed. 

This was more of a venting post but I just wonder what insight other people have on this, I really don't know how to see this situation.
Do you guys have any suggestions what I could do, do I even have a chance? 
Anything you guys think? 

Thank you so much for reading this