person w BPD: "hey, I was abused."

an asshole: "hm, doesn't track. have you considered that perhaps you're the abuser?"

person w BPD: "actually, I have. I spent most of the relationship thinking that since I was reactive to their abuse that I was an abuser and the only one contributing to the dynamic and I had such low self-esteem that I listened to them that I was on fact the root of all our problems and only now that I am out of the relationship am I coming to realize I was abused."

same asshole: "hmmm... but you remember that time you split on them, therefore abuse."

person with BPD: "actually I split on them because they were being incredibly emotionally manipulative and withholding comfort from me to punish me, stonewalling me, and then invalidating me when I tried to communicate my needs calmly."

this asshole: "so you admit it! you're abusive!"