CW: mention of suicidal thoughts
School has always been hard for me - not because i can’t study, but because i never really fit in with others. Finding friends was always hard, but since my diagnose with BPD, it has gotten so bad that i have suicidal thoughts whenever i’m in school. I usually hide somewhere during lunch because no one wants to be with me, this sounds as if an elementary kid wrote this, but i’m 20. I’m from an European country where you finish high school at 18/19 (I took a year off when I got diagnosed). Everyone keeps telling me to ignore others, but I don’t know how. I can’t drop out because I would disappoint my family and everyone… I can’t imagine looking into my friends eyes and know that they know, that I failed and i’m a looser. I really tried talking to others and being friendly, multiple times and I feel so stupid for feeling so hurt over this, I don’t know how being in HS can be the best time of your life like some say. I go to therapy and take meds, but both didn’t work for this problem…