I have always struggled with anxiety and depression. I had my first panic attack when I was 5. I’ve got all kinds of trauma now that has made everything worse. I’m trying to fix myself. I know I need to go to therapy. I wake up every morning feeling a blanket of guilt, embarrassment, and fear. For no apparent reason. I’m honestly very happy with my life. I love my job, I have a wonderful partner. I’m physically healthy. Good things are happening to me. But my mental health is really declining. I do a lot to care for myself. I meditate, I get plenty of sleep, exercise, etc. I am constantly dealing with intrusive thoughts. I think about death every single day, all day long. I have never been suicidal before. Quite the opposite. I love my life. But I was in an abusive relationship for two years. And I guess these may be some lasting effects. I know that I need professional help. I’m hoping to get some soon. But I just needed to vent to some strangers. Thanks for reading.