I'm really not good at expressing myself at all. But I feel the urge to just talk to someone. I have Asperger's. Recently discovered this myself last year. I was diagnosed with major depression and ADHD but couldn't continue due to unemployment due since the pandemic . I managed to get a part time job but it barely pays to keep lights on, I can't seem to keep a Job for more than a few months. I managed to save up to try get graphic tablet and try free lance but It doesn't seem to be working out and I'm struggling to see a bright light facing potential homelessness soon. I've had a lot time to reflect and I can't see my life having much prospects. I'm turning 30 next couple weeks and last 10 years have been me fumbling through various jobs. Ever step filled with anxiety and fear because I can't seem to assimilate into the work environments or filled with deep seated sense of grief. Even when things are going well I just fill crushed by grief I can't justify. School wasn't great either being kept back in grade 1 for development reasons and abusive home environment.  I suppose my point is things haven't been normal or conventional. I've never been allowed to talk about this and can't seem to see myself somehow fixing this situation. I'm not emotionally or mentally able and as my state gets worse I'm afraid I'll be a danger to myself or others. Even with the off chance it does improve I know I'll still never be able to build normal bonds, relationship. Part of me feels that it be okay to go I've truly tried to do better and I can't. There's a bridge that's 8/9 hours from my home . Part of me wonders what life be like well after I'm gone and long after that but life definitely move on or even dying and going off into the unknown. I've probably overed shared abd probably will delete this later but I think I just needed an outlet