It's a curse... I've made people who clearly only care about themselves as my FP but now I'm going into full avoidance mode and cutting people off before they get too close. I hate being lonely, it's the most heartbreaking thing. But hell.. It's so much easier being lonely instead of constantly and sometimes unknowingly idolizing toxic people. I seem to pull in toxic liars all the time and I'm just fed up with that shit. I hate suffering in my loneliness but I'm more sick of being taken advantage of by people. I open my heart to them and get fucked over like I mean nothing. Even when I'm an honest, supportive, caring friend it means fuck all to people because they hurt me or leave anyways. Or even worse, they lie and expect me to never find out - this one happens a lot to me. I'll befriend someone and be honest, they feel comfortable lying and making me out to be the crazy one when I have legit evidence for it. Aaaaand I'll also end up being their emotional support and they ignore me when they get it elsewhere. Fuck everything. I'll learn to be okay with the loneliness if I have to - beats being fucked over for no real reason. 