I constantly feel lost. I hate looking at myself. I work so hard and I’m never proud of myself. I just want to be happy. I used to love parties but even that’s gone. What do I have left? I constantly feel left out of my friends and a stranger in my own body. I’m horrible. I hate myself. Yes, I’ve failed suicide. I was 3 years SH free but I reset to 0 a week ago. Progress feels so futile. I feel so weak. I just want to be happy and proud of myself. It seems like both of those won’t happen. I don’t know when I can be human again. Why do I feel so distant like out of place of my body and from life.