I have been online friends with someone for 4 years now. We used to be able to have consistent conversations, where she would be online and so would I at the same time, and we would message each other back and forth, and sometimes voice chat. 

I don’t know when things started to change, maybe about 6 months ago. I feel like we are rarely online at the same time, but of course I always reach out and ask how she is and make sure she’s okay. Sometimes she will come to me and just vent about how her life is shit, I’ll give her support, and after I send her a message giving her support, she doesn’t see it for two hours and sometimes it takes her over two days to respond to what I said to her. 

I did ask her why she didn’t talk to me so often and she said that was because of her depression, but I don’t know how I could say ‘Hey, how are you?’ And she will ignore what I’ve said for days on end and then randomly send me a meme, saying LOL. I asked her a question because I care and I’m really worried about her, it just kind of seems like a smack in the face that she can look at memes and even go as far as sharing one to me but she can’t type a message just saying she’ll get back to me when she can.

I feel as if I never reached out to her again, we would never talk again. And of course I have been tempted to do this. 

She has told me that I’m demanding for wanting for her to respond to her consistently (even just a brief conversation would be good). But isn’t that what a conversation is about? It confused me and I feel like it’s my fault for having BPD and that I’m overreacting or something.

I realised she’s never going to change so I have to accept that this is just going to happen and overlook it for all the other beautiful reasons for why I would want to be her friend. 

I have been doing this for months of course but it is eating away at me where I feel like she is only friends with me because she doesn’t have anyone else in her life, and she only messages me when she needs me and goes away because I served a purpose for her.

Of course, I feel so much tension over this I would rather terminate the relationship quickly so that tension goes away but I don’t want to abandon someone I love because they’re depressed and have so much heartache because I don’t understand the situation properly.