apparently they've been taking about me and i fit pretty much every box of bpd, at least the five to be diagnosed, and they think i have it. to be fair i have considered it but it's upsetting to hear it from them i guess. i don't want to push them away, and i know they actually get what bpd is, not just the weird stigma around it, but im still worried i'll push them away with my apparent 'clinginess'. im gonna be honest, i didnt really realise i was that clingy but they think that because they're the only two people i actually like and i cant function without them means i'm clingy. oh and the constant asking if they still like me. then later on today one of them said that this new person they're friends with has replaced me as their second favourite (favourite being her sister) and i was holding back tears which is really dumb, so i asked her about it and she said she was joking but i don't believe it. she sounded like she was just trying to reassure me. then she said 'don't go splitting on me haha' which i get was supposed to be funny but it just upset me more. i told them they don't need to walk on eggshells around me and if anything i do upsets them/hurts them that it's 99% unintentional and to just tell me because i'm usually unaware it's hurtful and if i'm aware of it i won't do it again but they just opened the message and didn't say anything. i see my psych on the 31st and i don't know if i should bring it up with her or if it would look like i'm self diagnosing. i've considered it before but i don't think i'm intense enough to have bpd. im currently getting tested for adhd so here could be a few overlaps there? idk. sorry for the rant haha just had to get it off my chest