i was high functioning. i hid it well. i tried to warn you. why get me to trust you if you were going to bail when i actually express myself? when i actually crack? reveal my secret of how fucked i am and how sad i am and how my head works? 

would it surprise you that i am in cbt? 
or that i'm in dbt? 
that i take more medication in the morning than i can physically get down? 
that i cant eat? 
that my depression is real, like i'm going to spend all my savings on ketamine infusions, real?
that i am genuinely genuinely truly suicidal? 

what did you think was going to happen to me? i tried to warn you that this is what i was really like. tried to give a heads up. feel like i did one of those trust fall things and you just let me fucking go. i'm not sure if i can fall that much further. i'm not going to bother you, i wish i didn't think this, but i hope you feel really fucking bad for rejecting me like that. because i feel really fucking bad every goddamn day and i just wanted a hug. 