the loneliness i feel is so intense that words can’t properly describe it. i have had this loneliness for many years. it gets worse with age. sometimes i feel so deeply connected to certain people but then what i assume is reality hits and i realize i’m not actually connected to this person/these people like i thought. i have group of people who love and support me but.. there will always be a wall that i will never be able to tear down. between myself and everyone. no matter how hard i try. there’s something that’s just WRONG. everything is wrong. everything is wrong. everything is wrong. everything is wrong. everything is wrong. everything wrong. i cant keep doing this. 

 i have been struggling with this mental illness among others for years now and it has always been hard. i feel like i hit a new “rock bottom” every single month. it always feels like i’m in so much emotion pain and stress that there is no possible way it could get worse. it always gets worse.  or that’s what it feels like. it never gets better. 

i’m sorry that this is all over the place. i have no idea what to do anymore. i can hardly tell what’s real and what’s not anymore. i don’t know who i am. i am so lost. i cant take this anymore.