I didn’t know until today. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression and this year has been so hard on me mentally, emotionally, and physically. But I’ve been working so hard to be more positive and find happiness and joy in my life that I thought I wasn’t depressed anymore. 

I was wrong. That sucks. 

I realized just how depressed I am. I don’t care about my life anymore. I don’t want to date. I don’t want to keep going to school. I don’t want to see my family. I don’t want to see my friends. I don’t want to do anything that makes me happy usually. 

I used to have dreams and aspirations. Now? Nothing. I have no plan for my life. I’m not looking forward to the future. I can’t even picture myself six months from now. 

The only reason I haven’t committed suicide is because of my dog. I got him last year after my (now ex) boyfriend of 4 years confessed a 4 year long affair. My dog is my life. I love him more than anything. The way I feel about my dog are the only feelings I have these days. He sleeps right beside me. He shares my food (I don’t want to hear about his diet, I’m talking like he gets pieces of pepperoni off my pizza or something). He hugs me. When we get out of my car he’s too small to just jump out so he hops onto my shoulder and I carry him to where we’re going. He watches tv with me. He likes to sleep on the pillow above my head. Sometimes he sleeps on my back while I’m sleeping. He’s still a baby, he’s just over a year. I can’t go anywhere anytime soon because who will give him pieces of pepperoni or give him paw massages? 

I love my dog. He’s my baby. My tiny son. My angel. I brought him home and everyday since then he has made my life worth living especially when it hasn’t felt worth continuing. 


I didn’t mean for this to be so long. I contemplated calling a hotline or using the chat on those websites, but I don’t want to take resources away from people who actually need them. I’m not gonna end my life. I have love in my heart so I won’t do that. I just wanted to get my thoughts out there. I’m sorry they’re jumbled. If you read this or skimmed it, thank you.