Hi all. I've been dealing with BPD and letting it destroy my life for.. well, most of my life. After self destructing my 4th very important relationship (with another, more experienced and well-coping BPD sufferer), after being dumped a few weeks ago and wanting to give up on life so badly yet again, I've finally come to terms with the selfish nature of my thought processes and just how much work it will take on my part to get better. I feel more committed than ever to undertake this process, and I have been searching diligently for therapists that practice DBT for weeks and am feeling very, very defeated. 

Background on where I'm at: I have read "Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder," I have been practicing the skills intermittently for the past year and a lot more often since the breakup. I loved the book, it has already been helpful in many ways, but I know it's not likely going to be enough to stop me from losing control the next time I feel particularly hurt or attacked. The skills I learned from the book have helped me, for example, to not lose my shit and make a scene or start a fight when my ex came to remove all her belongings from my home. But I need guidance on mastering these skills. They aren't helping me much to cope with the pain of loss for longer than 5-15 minutes at a time, I meditate and then I'll start missing her again and get depressed again. I feel like hell and while I'm not currently feeling suicidal, it sure sucks to be alive and in this body. I want, I *need* to get better for my future relationships' sake, and I want to feel better, because this is torture.

Here is the big problem: I have to travel all over the state Monday through Friday for work. Which means, if I want in-person treatment which I really would prefer, I have to find a therapist that works on weekends and knows DBT. I have been tearing the internet apart trying to find someone like this, and it doesn't seem there's a lot of DBT practicing counselors or psychologists out there, I found one in Orlando that lists DBT as a skill and is open on Saturdays and I was talking with them about being seen but when I mentioned having BPD, they stopped responding. That was the only in-person option I've found so far, without having to request time off for treatment. I'm very frustrated. I want help, I'm willing to pay out of pocket, I'm willing to put in the work, but it's kicking my butt trying to find the help.

If anyone could help give me some advice on what to do to find help, it would mean the world to me 😭

I am seeking recommendations for a counselor in the central Florida area (between Jacksonville and Orlando-ish areas) who can see me on a weekend, or a counselor available through online sessions. They obviously need to have experience treating BPD.

I know that thanks to law my employer has to provide me with reasonable accommodation to seek treatment (maybe miss work for a Monday or two each month) if I petition them for it, but I have to get a formal diagnosis of something on the list of "good enough" reasons to miss work for treatment, and because it's a feast or famine industry I work in (it's currently "feast" time), if I make myself look too high maintenance by needing to miss work regularly, my job will be first on the chopping block when the inevitable time of famine arrives, so I'm trying to avoid having to go through all of that.

I have BCBS insurance, not that it matters much because all the DBT-practicing people I've found so far don't seem to even take insurance.

Any general encouragement and even advice on other self help options or online communities or support groups or anything would be much appreciated, too. Thank you guys in advance, please excuse my desperation and long whiney post.