Hey y'all. Just looking for support. 

Today I dissociated in therapy for the first time ever. I have been in therapy for over a decade and today I floated away. 

We were talking about my mom who died 3 years ago who was extremely abusive and hateful. I have PTSD surrounding her death because it was traumatic. 

My therapist caught on that I was dissociating before I knew I was. She had me color which I've never done in therapy before. I am 27 and I feel so ashamed and almost infantalised. I can't believe I had to color to try to calm down and even then I was gone and just cried half the time 

On the positive I am clean of self harm for 13 days which is the longest I have ever gone, I stopped smoking cigs, stopped drinking and am feeling much better this month. 