
My whole life I have been a horrible person I’ve abused drugs I’ve been a horrible son and I’ve genuinely been a peace of shit. I have a car I’ve had jobs but when I find one thing wrong In my life I find an excuse too run and hide and get high. I’m very self aware tho like I don’t lie to myself but that’s what kills me i wish I could lie to myself. any time people back me into a wall or something I freak out. The worst I’ve done is threaten suicide to get my parents to let me be (back when I was 15) not that I don’t want to but if I really wanted to wouldn’t I have done it. the only thing I like about myself is that I think I’m intelligent like I’ve always gotten by and I always have what I need but on the contrary if I really was intelligent wouldn’t I fix these problems or be able to manage my emotions better 
It’s very easy for me to read people and change my personality to whatever gets me closer to them as a friend because I truly love to be liked I think I feed on it. But I find it very hard to form genuine connections I think it’s because I know I’m truly a piece of shit. 

I hope someone can relate I’m being totally open. If you can relate please talk to me. I’m 20 years old is this at all normal.