Hey fam, long time no see. Things have been up and down for me. I just got out of the hospital after an involuntary commitment following a suicide attempt. Things aren't great but at least I'm not as suicidal anymore. 

Does anyone experience this? When I'm hearing voices in the moment, I don't realize it's a "symptom." I 100% believe it's real, whatever explanation my brain comes up with. I just do what the voices tell me to do. But then, once it's over, I think to myself, "oh boy, that was a symptom wasn't it!"

It's confusing. I lied in the hospital about hearing voices because my voices adamantly tell me I'm not really hearing them and am in fact faking it. So, I said I wasn't hearing voices. They'd just think I'm lying anyways. Fuck the psych ward. 

I've also been lying to my therapist about it, but that's because my voices over the last few weeks have been pretty neutral and sometimes even enjoyable, and I don't want to risk being convinced to lose them.

I did go off my medication about a month ago. I got restarted at the hospital.

Also, maybe you can help me tease something apart. I hear other peoples' thoughts. They watch what I'm doing through my eyes and I hear their thoughts commenting on it. It's pretty 50/50, sometimes I can converse with them, other times it's strictly commentary. Always really degrading and abusive and negative and commanding. I can't tell if this is hearing voices, or something else. Usually my voices, even internal ones, have a very auditory quality to them as if I'm hearing with my ears, whereas this thought-hearing is silent.

Missed ya'll. I've been on the computer trying to find these answers for over 13 hours now. Down the rabbit hole.