Have been with SO only a couple months. Had a feeling something was a bit 'off' early on (have previous experience with BPD partner), and over the course of our time together more and more things have come to light that give me cause for concern. Without going into the details, this is what they are:

childhood neglect/abuse  
bpd parent  
self-harming history  
impulsivity (promiscuity, risk-taking behaviours)  
substance abuse  
chaotic/abusive past relationships  
extreme emotional responses (mostly heightened/disproprotionate expressions of happiness)  
vivd dreams/nightmares  
dissociation, mild hallucination  
need for external validation  
oppositional thinking (either really good or really bad)  
conversations increasingly only about self, minimal interest in/empathy with other  
extreme changes in mood - one day down, next hyper-up

I'm not in the business of amateur diagnosis, but I am not entirely ignorant of bpd, and all this adds up to something that I fear isn't merely coincidental. If not bpd, it seems like it could be something in a similar ballpark. After my past experience, I am becoming very wary of going on with this relationship. 

I have not experienced any outward anger/accusations/tantrums, however, only some distancing/odd reactions to comments made in jest. More generally, our interactions have fallen into a pattern of talking about SO and very little else, and  I'm aware of myself falling into the role of 'therapist,' while also feeling that my own needs are not really being catered for.  The promiscuity and substance abuse occurred quite recently prior to start of relationship. SO still goes out to bars and drinks a lot and prefers being around the opposite sex, and since impulse control has clearly been an issue previously, this makes me uncomforable. 

In general, I would say that my current experience of this relationship is one of anxiety and uncertainty, with a good helping of dread. But mostly sadness, as it's becoming increasingly difficult to overlook the mounting warning signs, or brush them off as things that just happen. SO is in psychoanalytic therapy but has apparently not been given a diagnosis of any kind.

I'm posting this here rather than in a 'survivor's forum' because I'm not interested in hateful comments about bpd sufferers. I would value your take on it - what you make of the warning signs, how it looks to you, and if I am not being too hasty/worried in considering my future with SO at this point. I'm not looking to apportion blame or point the finger at SO, but I would really appreciate some insight from this community as I'm finding this situation increasingly difficult. Thank you in advance.