She left me on read for the first time, I cut myself, she hangs out with friends instead of meeting me for the first time, again, I tell her meet me in a week or I'm done, I apologize thinking wtf was that about, I start getting anxious, I have a panic attack for 2 hours which includes pinching, hitting, taking my my clothes off to lie in fetal position in the cold under desk, tells girl all that and then do you want me to just be strong or if not you can just tell me we are ok and I'll be fine, she tells me it's ok, with some disdain, she doesn't reply to me at 10, I think she ghosted me, I make a bunch of new accounts saying wtf did you do, give me PTSD why don't you, rotTraitor, then I forgive you live in peace, then she answers in morning I just fell asleep I didn't block you, she starts replying less and with less words, I keep talking to her, saying I would work on my problems and I did a bit, but she kept being distant and I intimately complimented her and she said I'm not looking for a guy rn (lie, you just don't want me) then I be strong and avoid a panic attack, but say that, and then send hearts, and say but I like you alot and your MINE, then eventually she goes I told you to back off so I'm done then she blocks me, then I make new accounts begging her back I love you you don't need to go, then her dangerous friend threatens to shoot me Mr weirdo if I contact her again, then yesterday I added her again on my main account (removed her in retaliation for her removing me), she may have gotten the alert idk, but I have not been attacked so that's fine and I don't plan on trying to trying to contact her again. Now I'm alone again. Fuck.