My mom used to be an alcoholic and that did made me feel really stressed. Every evening I was trying to control my mom by distracting her so that she wouldn’t start a fight with my dad and spiral out of control by anger for the rest of the evening. A lot of times it didn’t work and she would yell at me and my dad, she would cry and scream and sometimes basically pass out. This went on when I was 8/9 until 16. I didn’t realize at the time how traumatic it was and still to this day don’t fully realize it cause I do actually have a great relationship with my mom and dad. She stopped drinking when I called an organization that helps with home situations and it has been pretty good since. I don’t feel traumatized by it and I love my mom still and she does take great care of me and is very loving and kind.

My mental health has been really bad for a really long time tho. I especially started noticing how bad I am at regulating my emotions when I got into a relationship. I never told my mom when I was young when something bothered me but now that I’m in a relationship I get so mad at my boyfriend. Little things can turn into the end of the world for me. I say horrible things sometimes and I feel so guilty afterwards. It’s like I’m not even myself in those moments. Right now I’m always brushing it off as that i’m just a horrible fucking person. My therapist has told me that I can be caused by old trauma but I don’t feel traumatized. I do realize that having an alcoholic mom isn’t great but I don’t feel sad or mad when I think about it so how can I be traumatized and get bdp from it if I don’t even feel traumatized?