I don't know what's wrong with me. There are times when I literally don't want to be anywhere. I don't feel welcome anywhere, I feel like no one is ever happy to see me. I feel alone. I feel silly. Most of the time I feel like the most useless shit in the world. I don't like to bother people because I always end up boring everyone.

Literally no one loves me, and "you have to love yourself first" is bullshit. I am already tired. I spent a lot of my life loving myself. I like my body, I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world but I'm not ugly either. I just feel that no one loves me, and it's sad to say that the only person who loves me is myself. Sometimes I just want to disappear but the idea terrifies me. I don't like being alone and most of the time I'm angry and mean because I'm actually sad, and I don't want anyone else to hurt me. But in the end I end up hurting myself, or people just tell me to my face how disgusting I am. I pretend it doesn't affect me, but it does, and a lot. Nobody cares about me either. Nobody cares if I feel bad or not. Nobody cares if I'm happy. Nobody cares what I like, what I'm passionate about, what makes me sad. No one is even interested in talking to me for a while.

My friends are already bored with me. In the work groups at university I have not been able to contribute much because I feel tired all the time. My friends say that they are just excuses and that I play the victim. I wish it was just that.
I don't have anyone to talk to about this so I guess venting on internet strangers on Reddit will help.
Actually many times I think about just disappearing, not necessarily dying, but I feel that everyone would be better off if I weren't there. That everything would be easier if I just wasn't there.