In January I had a severe breakdown and ended up dissociating and asking for help from a friend. after that night she and that whole group of friends stopped talking to me and I spiraled down because I feel like they only see me as a disease. I tried to work though it over the following months tried to keep a walking routine to give myself some loose resemblance of a routine. I had a few self harm relapses. Tried going to my favorite coffee shop more often still had 2 or 3 more breakdowns but no one saw those so I figured it might get better. come the beginning of April I have another breakdown and more people see this one. I spiraled again. I ended up losing 10 pounds in April, I already didn't weigh very much. At the end of April I almost committed seppuku because I felt that I brought shame when people saw my breakdowns. That's when I submitted myself for suicide watch and was diagnosed with BPD. Now only one person in that friend group will talk with me and some of them have blocked me. And it hurts because I still love them and I know that if the tables were ever to be turned I would never leave them. I don't know what to do because I have to go back to school soon and it still hurts.