So I am considered an essential worker. I work in construction. I have ADHD, dysthymia, and as far as I have been told general anxiety disorder. I’m on a slew of meds but recently have been having a hard time despite taking them daily as prescribed.

I believe COVID is real and that wearing a mask is essential. But I have noticed that wearing one constantly makes me breathe super shallow and fast to avoid fogging my glasses. That doesn’t help with the recent bouts of anxiety I have been dealing with before and at work.

Basically I’ve been feeling pretty awful about my ability to work effectively with ADHD. Combine that with stressful/loud work environment and it becomes a great trigger for anxiety.

So now I’m at the point where I’ve been pretty regularly coming in late or missing entire days because I’m having anxiety attacks. Today I made it to work before start time and it looked like everything was going to be fine and then as I was getting out of the car and pulling on my boots the anxiety and self-doubt ambushed me.

I am trying not to take Klonopin if I can help it as it makes me feel off and can be dangerous to work while under its influence. I ran out of Propenolol to manage the racing heart and other physical symptoms. I’m on Lithium and Risperidone.

I honestly don’t know what else to do other than some sort of behavioral modification. I’ve tried breathing exercises and that can help sometimes.

My ADHD is not well managed right now either and to be honest I’m not sure if the anxiety is being driven by the lack of functionality in my daily life or is self-perpetuating. One of the issues I’m having with my job is that I’m experiencing a sense of time-dilation. The longer I am at work the slower time seems to pass. Just thinking about it made my heart start beating hard.

I’m not lazy! I work hard when I’m on the job and I don’t goof off on my phone or look for ways to milk projects. I just feel so overwhelmed when I look at my watch and see that only 2 hours have passed when it feels like 4.

And I get so tired forcing myself to focus. I start to fade 3 hours before my shift ends and by the time I get home I usually have just enough energy to shower before I collapse in bed for a nap.

My work has been very gracious towards me so far, allowing me to call in with “ADA leave” if my conditions are too much on a given day. But even then I feel bad and worried that I’m going to overextend their grace.

I need to figure out how to cope with or prevent the buildup of dread and shame from spiraling into a full blown panic in the mornings.

Any advice or tips would be great. Sorry for the long and rambling post.