I haven't been doing so well lately, I can hold up my hygiene but it's gotten to the point where I'm having intense suicidal thoughts that are incredibly graphic. This happens every day constantly. I am so stressed out I can quite literally disassociate from the situation and be able to see what my brain matter on a wall would look like. I have tried to tell some people I'm suicidal but I appear pretty happy to most, which I kinda am but they don't think I'm serious about it.  


It feels wrong to go to one because I feel happy but I just think I need help for my intense suicidal ideation.   


I also am having constant thoughts of self-harm. I have not relapsed yet as I don't own any blades but I have been scratching at my arms a lot.   


Help?