I don't understand. After two years of DBT and a whole lot of improvement, I lost my best friends. I recognized my bad patterns and fixed them. They saw this. I felt loved and included by these people for once. 
Then, quarantine came, and I have a high-risk family and they just cut me off in this distance. I feel so unwanted. I thought I was "fixed". I appeared as if I didn't have this disorder, and yet I have to wonder if it bled through and caused this.

I have never been able to keep a friend around longer than 2 years before it fizzles out somehow. I know never is a strong word, but I really cannot recall an instance where I've kept a friendship going without staying on a very shallow level.

I guess all I can do is practice acceptance of this pattern and loss. But it sucks so bad. I was so sure these were the "ones"! That they would stick around! I've poured my soul into these people, and not that friendship is an exchange or an investment, but I'm suddenly getting nothing back. I'm still running through every scenario trying to figure out what I did wrong, and I get the silent treatment. They weren't like this before. We were effective communicators.

Like, hey, if you wanna cut me off to protect yourself from my toxicity, that's okay. But let me know! Please! How can I improve?? I'm tired of repeating this cycle. I'm so exhausted. Nothing is stable or permanent. Sometimes being a nomad is fun, but they were the people I called home, you know? I just wish there was an explanation. I wish I wasn't so stuck in this cycle.