cw self harm , suicide

my fp and I ended up getting into a heated argument earlier and i ended up saying something that hurt her a lot and she blocked me. i was so scared she’d hurt herself or something else (i am also her fp) and i went into panic mode. 

i ended up talking to someone who really hurt me in the past after it and we talked all night and now i just feel so guilty because now i feel i am not as upset as i should be. 

i mean i just lost an fp and i feel nothing, it’s like i’ve completely shut off. 

i don’t know if this is my brain trying to respond to it and this is a good thing or not. i just feel terrible