I have serious trust  issues that stem from childhood, the last time I confided in friends or family I was left feeling like I was just an inconvenience for them.

A. When I confiding in my mother, she told me she wishes I'd never told her.  
B. When I confided in friends, they got mad when I wasn't consistent.  
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With that context out of the way, I don't feel like I have anybody who I can reach out to any tangible way. Without making it somebody elses problem.  
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I think I have anger issues, but I think that's only part of the problem. I have issues forming relationships with people, I live alone, hundreds of miles from family and don't have any friends.  
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I was trending in this direction before Corona, but I feel like the current world situation has only amplified the problem. I kinda knew going into this that it might break me, and I feel like it's successfully achieved that now.

I get deeply emotional and upset about near enough anything, even when I have flecks of happiness they're fleeting.

I have conversation with myself when I'm alone, I'm always internally berating and abusing myself. I know it's not true, but at the same time I believe it.

I've slipped into a dark place where I can't climb out, on top of that I've been spending money I don't have to try and fill that void.

I'm sad, always. I'm at the end of my rope. I'm having to talk myself out of suicide a few times a week.

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My workplace seem to have self "diagnosed" me as a "little" depressed. Part of me wants to tell them that the clown persona I put on at work is nothing but a lie, because the truth is, inside I'm hollow.