Basically ended up dating this guy. I trusted him completely. Thinking back lots of bad indicators because this guy was very very flakey. For example on Valentine’s Day, he completely disappeared. Then he could come back being all lovey doves. Or all his bad experiences with exes sending him angry messages expressing their hurt about his coldness. He would always low key say things “she’s mad I don’t want her back. Look read this” “I dumped her first” Or how we always had to talk after dark.

I chose to ignore the signs because of my tendencies to over react about everything. Also, I really didn’t want to lose my only friend at the time.  

Now… we kept dating for additional 4 months. He started to really warm up. After we ended up having sex. He wanted to use no protection. Told him no. Sex was very uncomfortable and forced. He got upset about using condoms and told me I should go now. Because something came up.The next day, he broke up with me expressing how he’s at the crossroads about us. How I’m not the woman he’s envisioned . 

 thinking back I was definitely the fool because all the signs were there. I also felt very used and hurt. I ignored my feelings and then exploded. Which is hard because I have quiet BPD. I just expressed to him how much he hurt me. If there’s someone else why lead me on? Remember how you wanted to have kids with me? How you’re so crazy about me? What happened to the man I knew?

He remained calm and said “this is all in your mind. You will always be my friend. I will always remain in your life and care about you. It’s the BPD making you imagine things . Seek treatment“

I basically came back to be his friend and I just wanted answers about the past. Basically saying “Hey, I think we’re better as friends. But why didn’t you just expressed there’s someone else? He ended up exploded telling me “You just want to create chaos. I’m going to finally FOLLOW your advice to me and block your number” and then he blocked my number.

I feel so embarrassed, hurt, and ashamed of myself