A couple of months back I matched with a guy on tinder that was super lovely and after a couple of days of talking we both opened up that we both have BPD. It was the first person I met that had the same diagnosis as me and I was so happy to finally of met someone that would understand how my brain works and I could understand his but it got me extremely scared. I'm upset it had me scared because I am the embodiment of the negative stigmatized BPD and I put him in the same category so I was extremely cautious about persuing a relationship with him because I know how I use to be in relationships and I didn't want him to hurt me like I've hurt others before. I've changed my ways since but I still struggle with being in a relationship.
 We kept talking for a month and I kept putting off meeting him but I could see I was becoming his FP. I asked him about this and he told me I was and he was really confronted that I would pick that up but the thing is he was my FP too but also I was splitting on him constantly because I was so scared of wanting more from him.
A few weeks ago I vanished on him, I feel extremely guilty for going ghost but I was trying to leave him before he could leave me and now I regret that. I really really miss him. We understood each other and we got along so well and I loved that I could share dumb cat videos with him, I really loved that he could open up about his past to me and I could understand exactly how he would of felt and I wanted to be the one to help him and he's too pure and wholesome for this world but I feel like I've ruined that. Since unblocking him I have tried to reach out but I don't know if he'll get it or even reply. 
I'm really upset I could of potentially ruined a really good relationship with him even if it had stay platonic. I dunno what I want from this post, just needed to get this off my chest really. 
I feel really guilty for going ghost but I panicked and impulsively did a stupid thing.