Why does anyone want to live on this god forsaken dying rock? Everything seems to be fueled by hate and greed. From world politics and corporations to everyday actions from ordinary people. If you take two steps outside the shelter of a community and into the world, you are bombarded with hate towards everything possible. I feel awful living. I shouldn’t feel this way unless I’m just seeing the world how it truly is. I got lucky when I was born. I’m a white AMAB living in a developed country as a middle class citizen. I don’t deserve that. If I could give it to someone else I would because I’ll end up dead anyways. If I would suffer regardless of where I was, I wish that someone could take my place and be happy instead. I get diagnosed with disorder after disorder and prescribed medication that does nothing at best and often makes me worse. I’m not meant to exist. People are beginning to realize that. Most of my friends have already left. My family clings to the false hope of a cure. I’ll be gone soon enough. I never made any impact so I’ll only be mourned by a handful of people, most of whom will forget me soon after. If there is some great plan, it seems like my only purpose was to cause pain to others. It would be better for everyone if I never existed. Not even better for everyone, just better for a few people. I’ll just be a number on a chart of teen suicide to to the vast majority of people. All my pain summed up as a statistic. Just another person who couldn’t stand life. My life isn’t even that bad. Others live far worse lives and are ok with it. I’m weak. Defective. Even if I somehow make it to adulthood, I could never have a family. I would get close to someone knowing that I would hurt them badly and and offspring would probably inherit my problems. I’ll never be important in anyone’s life, never make a difference. I’ll be forgotten as soon as soon as anyone my immediate family and three friends that still talk to me pass. If all I do is suffer and my suffering doesn’t serve a purpose, why should I exist? Why?