I haven't felt real in four months. I feel as though my entire life has been an utter failure. That I haven't done anything worthwhile and that anything I have done was a waste of time. I don't have many friends, I'm not very likeable once you get to know me. I feel like I'm a shallow person about to be found out by everyone as a huge fake. Everyone tolerates me but nobody actually likes me, I don't like me that's for sure. I feel as though I occupy the boring parts of everyone else's lives. What for me are the few highlights others don't give a passing thought to. I don't know how to access the world. How do I stop being terrified of abandonment and rejection? I'm almost 23 and feel like I only have one true friend who has been in rehab for 6 months. We were supposed to travel together but we couldn't and I don't know of anyone else who would put up with me for an entire trip. I just feel as though everything I do is shit and nothing I do will ever be enough to feel like I actually belong here. I was bullied and made to feel worthless as a child and I was so weak I internalized that and now every day is an ego battle that can only be won by the approval of someone and now that I don't have a favourite person. I'm completely lost. Does anyone's else life feel like a blur? Like nothing mattered like no one ever cared you were there? That nothing ever made any sense? That your friends were at best people who tolerated you for a while?