I recently learned that the way I had been thinking, feeling, and acting were symptoms of BPD, and I was just diagnosed with it after my recent fallout with FP.  We were on and off for a few times because I lashed out at her a few times for not recognizing my disappointment for her broken promises. 

We haven't talked in almost a month. I hope to wish her a Happy New Year, and see if we can talk. I plan to tell her about my BPD diagnosis (not going to be using it as an excuse for being crappy), and the diagnosis gives me a clear solution for my toxic cycle towards her. I also plan to tell her how much her lack of validation of my disappointment hurts me, and wish she saw how much I was hurt in my shoes.

I hope she gives me one more chance. She is an amazing person, and I highly value our relationship.

Good luck to everyone else who are working hard to repair their relationships, and hope you all will have a mentally healthier 2020. You are all very strong. I love you all &lt;3.