So I talked about relationships with some close friends, and as much as I would like to stay positive about potentially finding a husband and settling down with, I have to be realistic. If some of them are already thinking about becoming single mothers or even potentially being cheated on cause that's the norm now, then I probably won't have that romantic bond or even being fully loved cause my generation is messed up. It pains me to think that loneliness is what going to end up happening. It's hard finding someone that could match up to my ideals like improving career wise like I do, or someone that wants too live comfortably not really lavious or luxury cause it would be nice but definitely not entirely needed. Like I don't need expensive things in life, I just want to add to my family and have good careers where money isn't always the issue and give my kids a decent life and education. To being able to go places together and experience life here and there cause trips can always be saved for. But I may never have partner that wants that. My generation can't wait for anything, they just want to hook up and leave, no talking really,  no relationship, not wanting a family, no nothing. Just this incel mentality. When what I want the most is companionship/friendship with a potential partner, to want to feel loved and wanted. To think that all I'll have is just my career and parents and nothing else. They may never have grandchildren or walk me down the aisle that special day. Not necessarily "married" cause I would be happy with common law, like having the rings, calling each other husband and wife but not in paper. 
Maybe I was dumb thinking that love was out there, but I truly think it died along time ago. I don't know if anyone can tell me how to fully accept loneliness, cause if someone can't be a part of my peace then I don't want it. Like it shouldn't be a battle or games to get someones attention. Like I've said earlier that I gave up on dating apps and it's been 2 months, nothing but men that were extremely rude to me when I did nothing wrong to deserve that. Or getting ghosted or having to wait for days having to respond. That's not talking or dating. 
I wish I had a cold heart to feel nothing cause then this would be so much easier. But there's no right man out there. I'm not granteed that I have soul mate, for all I know he could very well not exist or just not meant to be this time around, or not meant to be loved this time. Billions of people, but wasn't meant to be with anyone. I don't want to be a single mom or to expect at some point that I might be cheated on. I'm not okay with that. I just want normal, but may never fully feel it. At least once would be nice even if it doesn't last, I would like to be wanted and to feel love once by someone else.
But I don't believe I would ever have that. 
I do enough self love/care in my own life, I've done so much self improvement, and yet I'm still alone majority of the time.