 I used to struggle with not being able to find words to explain my behavior/feelings. After my diagnosis I isolated myself and studied BPD. You all here have inspired me sooo much! :)
These last weeks I’ve started dating again and going out for coffee with acquaintances. I’ve only met those I believe show a stable lifestyle and some emotional intelligence - as if I’m recruiting them for a healthier social life.

I’ve decided to keep my BPD hidden because (1)  those I loved and told to lack knowledge. And because (2) I want to use positive language as a form of therapy. Today Im telling people simple phrases and emphasizes it for them like:
“I’m a person who love closeness and warmth”. It motivates me in any close relationship Im in. I’ve learned about myself that because of some bad experiences there is a “ some fears Im trying to overcome”.  I’m telling you this because for me it’s important for relationships that I value are “open to talk about feelings and thoughts” and feel safe enough to discuss expectations. It gives meaning and understanding of who we are.

So far I’ve got positive responses, so much so that we talk specifically about our needs and discuss how we react when we feel they are not met. These talks have been so heartwarming and thrilling for me because it’s my secret therapy. I get to hear others put words to things I felt fucked up for.
I’m not advocating BPD is something to be ashamed of and never be spoken about. I’m just saying that for me it’s more safe and positive to speak in terms others can connect with. Maybe I’ll find a SO that I can share BPD with but until then I’m sticking to basics.



