I feel like I'm experiencing something described as chronic disappointment. I am already mildly depressed too and I'm not in denial about that, and im on meds (Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Ritalin). Also i go to the gym about 4-5 days a week.

But i feel like this is a different kind of depression. I don't want to do anything because I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed with my inability to be creative, disappointed with my inability to create routine (largely due to ADHD). I have a lot of "hobbies" that I've never been intensely into in the first place, they're things i decided i HAVE to do to not be more depressed and fall into worse habits, such as painting, dancing, and board games. I have been so frustrated by actually trying to enjoy/be ok at these things in the first place, that they sound incredibly uninteresting now and i just can't being myself to do them. My job is boring too, there isn't much to do and i sit around all the time. My relationship isnt great either, my bf games all day and we rarely do anything together except for watch tv shows were both interested in.

I've had a few job interviews and have been unsuccessful in landing a new job. I don't even really know what i want, I've applied for everything from a grocery store clerk to a loan processor. I tried to take an IT course for a while and made quite an effort, but fell off the wagon and know I'm not really interested in IT.

I can't drive and recently developed bad ocd/anxiety even being a passenger in a car. So i feel disappointed because i can't look forward to being able to drive any time soon.

I feel like I'm trapped and I've tried to make changes but things just haven't gotten better. I know I need to keep trying, but also the pull of the chronic disappointment i am experiencing feels debilitating. It feels logical, not random, not just a brain chemistry issue. I just feel so at odds with everything that could make my life better.