I see others still with depression still trying to get back up but I can't anymore, I'm wasted to the point I don't care to care to get up. I have zero control over my life and I have no energy to grab the stee ring wheel. Even though I still feel emotions like happiness or sadness, I feel like I'm feeling them in black and white. I do entertain the thought of suicide but I don't care to even do that. I hate feeling like this and I wish to God it would stop but all I care to do is wish. Motivation means absolutely nothing to me anymore. I'm not asking for advice or anything, I'm just getting this off my chest the best that I can because I have extreme difficulty describing my feelings.