I've thought I might have BPD for a while now. When I first learned about it, I felt seen. None of my other diagnoses had made sense to me. And as often awful as it is to live with it, at least I wasn't alone! But that was assuming it was Right.

I got a new psychiatrist in 2019 and I thought, maybe I can get some clarity. He basically told me he didn't believe in diagnoses or labels. A few months later, I had a new therapist who said I should discuss my "borderline tendencies" with him... He basically told me to get a new therapist.

I split on him hard and avoided him for months and finally got a referral to a new psychiatrist. Had my first appointment with her last week. We talked a lot but there's still more to cover.

Still, at the end of the appointment, she told me her initial impressions... We're going to explore BPD. It's not an official diagnosis yet but she's going to start my treatment with this in mind as we work through it (in conjunction with my therapist).

It feels a bit messed up to be relieved to finally have that step toward a diagnosis. It's not a disorder I'd wish on anyone. It sucks a lot and often. But having this... It validates that I'm going through something real. That I'm not alone. There's a whole vocabulary out there for the things I'm going through.

It's a start.