Given the few social constructs that I have with people due to my personality and confinements, it's been a burden on my mind that everyone I know grow increasingly distant of me. I struggle to find meaningful connections with people and it's weighing me down to the point where hope feels almost meaningless. I can't even find the strength to find my social connections with people I do know "Friendships" because it never feels like that. 

I try to put myself into somewhat uncomfortable positions to be more extroverted in aspiration that I could find something where I can settle and be content with but it seems that my efforts are for naught. It's tiring, frustrating and difficult to have your efforts completely unreciprocated. Forgotten about as if my mind and time are just a disposable outcome without repercussions to my mental health. 

Even listening to music is getting overwhelming due to the lyrical content or just how melodies make me feel, not intentionally trying to listen to songs that make me depressed; and that's normally a heavy thing I rely on to drown out my grief. I had an individual I knew for 6 months that blocked me without reason which I was fairly close to; I can't bring myself to find the means to try and find out why, it was probably done for a reason, or if I go really nihilistic, feeling deserving of it.

In a way, I feel like focusing everything into making art or something else that portrays emotion because I simply can't find the explanation to see why social interaction with me just fails so miserably. It is an inevitability that I must continue this journey despite these tribulations. "It is not a bad life, just a bad day" , "No storm lasts forever" I live by these faculties but for now, I lament for change.