I’m almost 30 &amp; a complete failure in life. My mental health has never been worse. I have a small daughter, i get 0 seconds of breaks even if I got breaks I wouldn’t do a single thing, I don’t have family nor friends at all. I don’t do a single thing but sit inside my home with her. She gets bored out of her mind and I lose mine most of the time. But I’m too anxious to leave my home now. I barely ever leave it. I’m too anxious to do a single thing let alone leave. Literally have an anxiety attack every time I have to leave my home. I’m very crabby and irritated all the time. I don’t wanna do a single thing but lay around. I feel 0 energy or motivation. I feel as if every single thing I do and life in general is so pointless. I think about existential crisis things constantly. Always questionIng my existence &amp; the world death etc. i don’t do a single thing I use to do. I’m extremely depressed but too scared to take meds even if I got some. 

I didnt finish high school &amp; recently actually got surprisingly accepted for a job where it requires me to get some kind of certification within a year but you need a diploma for that so I don’t think I’m even going to go to the job at all cause there’s no point if I can’t do what’s required. I can’t take my kid with me to ged test classes and there’s multiple of them until the big final one. I just don’t have the time and I’m too anxious to sit somewhere out of my town for a couple hours around other people. Also I’m awkward around people, idk how to talk to people. Always been this way, mostly from a abusive sheltered boxed in childhood. I hate being around people, I feel so uncomfortable around them. Thinking they think I’m weird or this or that. Idk how people are cheery and talkative about the dumbest smallest things. I just can’t do it. I cant even fake it. Every job I’ve had they all mention how quiet I am. Idk anymore. I hate everything. 

I have nothing going on for me. My teeth are also messed up, I feel so ugly inside and out. I feel like a horrible parent. My kid doesn’t deserve this or me. I wish I could go back and time and have aborted since she doesn’t even have a dad in her life and no cousins no nothing. Just me her depressed anxious mom and this stupid home. I can’t be the mom I need to be for her. I can’t ever be happy or normal. I feel like my anxiety and crabbiness she is adopting from me which makes me feel worse than ever. 

I hate life in every aspect, I’ve had a rough life since the day I was put on this planet. I’m just tired. Im so unhappy, do stressed, depressed, anxious. And nobody really cares anyways unless they’re in your situation. I just wanna runaway just disappear. Idk how much longer I can keep this fake facade up.