To beging with all the way back in 2017 I lived in texas and went to school, the only thing I cared was coming back to play with my online friends, I moved states and changed schools due to my father's job, during 2017 to part of 2019 I played minecraft with my online friends on public servers and we enjoyed every moment didn't know we were playing to make memories, on 2018 I met some guys on school back mid 2018 when I was on L.A, life was pretty good fortnite all day, minecraft was left to the side I also played fortnite with both irl and online friends I enjoyed that, then 2019 we moved from L.A to another city, I started playing along with my online friends cs:go I had crappy laptop that run cs:go 30 fps on mirage (the least resource consuming map) on competitive mode, everytime I got a smoke thrown at my fps would lower to 5-10 fps aprox, I didn't care I had fun, a LOT, 2020 aka quarentine time was DEFENETLY THE BEST time I talked with friends I haven't talked for months due to us having a fight, at begining it was like cs:go and cs:go and roblox, whatever, and osu! but I was the one who mostly played osu! by myself, months passed and I stopped playing csgo and playing on my ps4 I bought to play fortnite, I stopped for most part speaking to the other online friends I had and only talked to 2 of them, one with the ps4 and the other without the ps4, the one with the ps4 we played warzone (3 days after it got released) i didn't like warzone because I didn't know how to play it just felt like another battle royale and thats it, then I mentioned to my other friend I had gta, I started playing gta like a sweat, and i meant that as in grinding a shitton of money, me and the other guy played a lot, then (SOMEONE DIED BUT I DON'T WANT TO PUT IT, BECAUSE IT REMINDS ME OF THAT :(, IT WAS FROM MY FAMILY THO.) when summer ended everything was normal Zoom classes and stuff it was great then I sold my ps4 to buy my first gaming pc with only 240gb of ssd and a 1050 (built by myself) the guy with the ps4 also builded his own gaming pc, I played lots of games including csgo, but my friends didn't played alot csgo anymore, but we talked a lot during this time a game called "criminality" released on roblox and me and the guy with the ps4 started playing it and we enjoyed but I got separated from him and started playing with other guys on crim I had a lot of fun, then 2020 christmas I had a fight with my big brother and didn't want to see the family no more, and this is when things started going s o u t h, you see after summer vacation i would get sick from the intestine and usually I just took a medication and i was healthy back again, but during 2020 fall I didn't recover... I was sick from my intestines (btw its called irritable bowl syndrome or something along the lines of that), It didn't help the fact I was sick from that so after again the fight from my big brother I was at my home everything went great but then February hit, (ANOTHER PERSON DIED FROM MY FAMILY :() so far 2 people who died were the only ones that showed that they actually cared about me, (fuck life) so we had to flight to another country and keep in mind it was still zoom so I did classes as normal BUT IT WASN'T I got told by my parents only 2 week but those weeks turned into 6 months AND I SUFFERED A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT ZOOM CLASSES + CHURCH SCHOOL (good thing am no longer in church school YEAH), and also besides the IBS syndrome guess what :D? I got sick with  **lining of the stomach** (gastritis), and it wasn't temporarly I STILL SUFFER THOSE LMFAOO, (I hate my life), anyways we got back around fall and I started playing this game called genshin impact a shitton since I didn't speak to my other friends and the guy with the ps4 and I got into a argument I didn't talk to anyone so I played a shitton genshin impact and I enjoyed it It distracted my mind I felt like I had something to do just like in 2017-2018, I also have to say we went back to class in person and I loved my teachers during that year, but the sickness from the stomach and intestine wasn't the best.... I kept great grades only 2 B's and all A's great right? well then 2022 hits I finished the story up of genshin up to ver 2.6? I believe then I decided to start speaking to my friends again, lets say the group is now separated, the guy with the ps4 literally made me buy vanguard and doesn't play with me and if he does his wifi goes out and goes offline for the rest of the day I haven't spooked to him, the other guys lets say they rarely get back online we don't play like we used to, and recently one of them recovered his old yt channel from 2018 and shared a video with the whole group and seeing it reminded me how lonely am I am once again, everyday I lose my time playing genshin impact, and if I change game to another one I still feel like trash, I got a lot of games that I could play but I don't because they don't really feel fun anymore, NOTE: the guy with the ps4 is not part of the group we have (because they don't know him, well they do but we only are with ourselves because neither him or us want to talk not cuz they fighted or have a problem but is just liked that), every day I just get up and its the same shit, I miss 2020 ESPECIALLY THAT I MISEED 6 MONTHS OF GENSHIN HOLY SHITTTT but thats not the point, the point is that every person I talk online its literally just few words and silence even with my og online friends, on school I have also friends but its only during school because they are busy with life idk, at this point I no longer have reason to live... everytime I just remember what I used to do, remember how we played the moments we had, Idk why I go to school I rather dropout at this point I have 0 motivation...