I have had GAD since I was 13. I have got to a place where I can go out and do things but the pandemic did make me take a few steps back.

I’ve been pushing myself to go out places over the last year and it’s all been pretty successful. It’s been a process of baby steps and now I can do things that only a couple years ago would have caused a huge panic attack.

So everything was going well. I was pushing myself to go to rugby games with my boyfriend at the time. A month ago we went to a huge game but the crowds became too much and I left early to stop my panic attack and he was super sympathetic as he has GAD too.

Well I thought he was…. He broke up with me recently and one of the reasons he gave was that I push myself too hard with my anxiety and I’m clearly pushing myself to do things I’ll never be able to do like go to a sports games. I’m doubting all the progress I’ve made.

He also said that I’d never get better when I set alarms for my meds as I should be able to skip them sometimes like he does. I just feel like a failure.

I keep thinking if I didn’t have GAD maybe my life would be better, I’d be loved and I could do what I want to do in life. I feel guilty about my meds and his word keep echoing in my mind. I feel like all the progress I thought I made over the last 10 years has been  for nothing.