I have many intense, short-lived crushes on people, it usually leads to nothing. Today was our last final, our graduation's tomorrow. It's already an emotional day but he fought with his parents and they said they didn't want anything to do with him anymore because he's so unmotivated. They're emotionally abusive and told him to go kill himself outside the house because they don't want to bother.


He texted only me goodbye and I tried to text him but I wasn't getting through, so I called him and I managed to talk him out of it. I've talked my friends out of suicide before. I told him I appreciated his existance as a friend. We talked and he told me thought I was joking all the times I said I liked him. He says now he's glad he has something to look forward to when he's 18 (I joke a lot about him being "a minor, ew").


I've been at a point where I stayed alive for other people, until I managed to want it for myself.
It's all good for now and I hope he moves past this stage where he's living for me in a couple months, but something he said stuck with me. 


"Are you manipulating me to live?"


Our friends were already worried about me manipulating him for my own enjoyment (and I do enjoy a sad jock) but for him to say that I just felt... like he's not well enough to be around me right now. He gets attached easily and I'm afraid I might do that thing where once I reveal to someone my intentions about them, I stop caring about them at all. I've suggested therapy and relatives but those are out of the question because of economic/distance restraints.


I can feel him warming up to me, he's soft and pretty and I don't think I have a margin of error on this one. I am the support system. I don't know how to feel.