Gotta wait til my next therapy appointment so I guess i'm going to write this:  


I've been masking and self-medicating my anxiety for so long that I actually have no fucking idea what the fuck is going on in my brain now that I took away the distractions I don't know who I am and this is the scariest thing ever. I don't know where to go because I'm completely lost. I have severe anxiety regarding pretty much all aspects of my life and have always tried to do the most functional thing possible and now I don't know what I want. On top of that I've been dissociating for about 2 years on and off now. I haven't been able to be fully present in my friendships and one of my breakups was a result of this too. I feel like I've just been on autopilot my whole life but it feels impossible to figure out what I want. It feels like when I try to single out a thought it escapes me because I just can't stop thinking 24/7. It feels like my mental images are "louder" than what my eyes actually pick up. Today is the day I decided that maybe a psychiatrist could help me since I don't think I cant focus for more than a couple minutes.