Obviously I know the answer is no and that he is perfectly capable of making his own decision, but I feel like I'm holding him back and since I can't talk to anyone about it.. Let's do it to some strangers online.

I deal with anxiety and have emetophobia. I've had it since I was 6 and it's only gotten worse over the years. (I'm 28 now) At this point I can barely get enough food in my system to maintain my weight, can't go out to eat and get nervous whenever we eat at family or friends and have to drive back.

My partner is very understanding and doesn't really care about visiting friends and family often, since he is pretty introverted. However, now that covid is over, he would love to travel again.

I can't. The thought of being on a plane, "trapped" inside a cage in the sky is horrible, but one I can manage. But I'll be in a country with strange food, strange places and I'll most likely be on the verge of a panic attack every night. My partner says that that's no way to go on holiday as its meant to relax, and if I'm stressed the whole time, there's no point. 

I have reached out to get help, but waitlist are so long that I have no way of knowing when I'll get help. The fun thing is that they've told me they need me at a healthy weight to start therapy, but I'll have to do that without help?! In the back of my mind I'm not very optimistic since therapy hasn't helped the last 20 years either and I've gotten worse every time. 

We're on the verge of buying a house together and I'm just in doubt whether I should go through with it since he deserves much better.

Thanks for listening, and helping me get this off my chest.