I don't know how to put this as a question, but I want to know of any similar experiences and where you ended up as an adult. As a child I'd say 99% of my friends were boys, but I wanted to be friends with girls. I can only recall one girl I had as a friend. The issue was that for whatever reason I was super paranoid about boys seeing me talking to/being friends with girls. If for example I was talking to a girl in an otherwise empty playground and then my brother came along I'd pretty much immediately leave and get worried about what he would think.  I also freaked out about stuff like being seen with plush toys for some reason. In elementary school we had a 'bring your teddy bear to school' day. I think I must have been 5 years old. For some reason upon finding out about this I ended up completely freaking out about, crying etc. I didn't end up participating, even though I liked my teddy bear (and other plush toys). WTF is up with that.  I still find it difficult today talking to people my interests/hobbies/ what music I listen to, especially if I don't feel it's considered typical/normal.