When my mental was worse i would focus on all my partners “shortcomings” etc as common with BPD. and i’ve come a long way from that and found someone i think i could spend my life with, and they feel the same. Let’s call them N. 

only thing is, now i think i may revolve too much of my thoughts/plans/life around N. we’ve recently had a rough patch for a few days with no contact between us. N is going through a similar mental illness but they usually handle it well. Just needed some time. it was extremely hard for me to have no contact with them for about 4 days (we live together with their family member) but i did it for them. Of course i felt sad confused angry etc but i dealt with it in healthier ways by myself until N came to me. 

We feel better now, not the same yet but much better. I found that when N came back to my daily life my mind was so willing to forget all the pain I had gone through those few days. It occurred to me that i probably shouldn’t forget all about it, and we should talk at some point. But i don’t want to push it on them too fast. Me asking too many questions and prodding for N’s feelings on things too often is what caused our hiatus in the first place. 

It’s just hard now. N feels so distant from me. And even today made a harmless comment on my lack of independence. I told them i’ve been thinking about that a lot the past few days. But then they fell asleep - they had been up all night, but laughing with friends online. i was happy to hear their laugh. 

They challenge me to face my anxieties. they’ve created a strong bond with me. but last few months feels like they’ve drifted from me some. They’ve assured me they love me and i believe it. I don’t think they’re going anywhere. It’s probably their mental and quarantine and everything. but. 

i get the feeling i need to be more independent/have more of a “life” apart from N. and I have some hobbies, but my friend is across town and covid makes that hard, and all my family has moved states away. and we live together. and i have no car of my own, though N says i’m free to use theirs. 

So anyone else? and any advice on how to have my own “life” outside of romance, and how to focus on things other than the romance (be it in good or bad ways)? thanks.