is this my problem or theirs? if i don’t act the same as i used to, should i feel guilty when my fp is feeling upset over my past mistakes or behavior? is that out of my control? it’s on them?

whenever they’re sad or irritated or upset about how i used to treat them, i start to get anxious because it feels like they hate me or want to leave me 

it is very random sometimes and i’ve felt hesitant to say things that could trigger their bad memories of me when things are going perfectly fine 

it sucks because i want to support them emotionally but it’s like a former abuser trying to make the victim feel better 

and it sucks because i am changed but i will always be a former abuser

i don’t know what to do or how to feel at times because it feels wrong to side with myself AND them 

and the cycle continues because we never really communicate about is us or the past anymore, they just isolate and then i feel guilty

i’m not sure if i have completely forgiven my old self or not because even when i do forgive myself, it goes away quick when i see they are hurting from it 

does this make sense?

what can i do for them and myself and us?