in “productivity” and outside of it i feel miserable. in “comfort” and discomfort i feel uncomfortable. i feel guilt for all of it still, such a common depressive symptom, years later, even though the concept of guilt in itself means nothing. i’m in a  constant dissociated confusing negative nihilistic existentialist scramble mentally and none of my words or anything is ever mine or means anything and words words words words words i don’t feel anything i’m typing i’m so confused and blurred or something idk there are no words. yet my ocd symptoms contradict my depression by making me have to do things a certain way and maintain my health so strictly i just don’t actually see a point to any of it all i know is i feel guilt for it still just like my younger self, and i want my mom and dad and family and friends and dogs to know i love them so much, and for them to be happy as they deserve to be