Hello (21F) i’m new to bpd and just yesterday I experienced my first rage episode. I’ve never been angry or raged before ... like ever. I know how to manage my anxiety disorders but bpd is brand new to me. I smashed my bowl of cereal  and threw my phone because i got so angry/frustrated. It came as a shock to my mom and sister when i told them since I’m normally just sad and melancholic with little to no affect. Although they didnt see it happen I’m extremely embarrassed and humiliated. My sister in law saw the aftermath and i dont think she believes my story of “ i accidentally dropped my bowl of cereal”. Ik it shouldn’t matter whether or not she thinks i smashed the bowl on purpose but all i care about is how others perceive me. I wish it was a family member who helped me instead of her. I feel so humiliated and avoid speaking to her at all costs. I feel like a monster and this situation only fuels my suicidal ideations. How can i deal with the embarrassment and shame after an episode? Please help me🥺