The guilt I feel for doing this is overwhelming. I had a terrible morning. Woke up at 3am to vomit all over myself from eating something bad the day before, spend hours trying to clean it up but still didn’t get it all, when it became time to get ready for work I just sat in my bed staring at myself in the mirror. I was pale, looked like a ghost, vomit in my hair, the smell made me feel so awful, I threw up again. By that point I was so done. I was late to my shift. I tried calling in 2 and a half hours before, but no one was picking up. Some bs about not being allowed to call in sick when you work mornings. I work in food too, they still didn’t care. It was a 5 hour shift that day, just a short one, I said to myself (if I can get through today, that’s a step) or something, sooner I go home the sooner I can clean up.

But after my first break, my manager told me my shift had been extended by 1 hour. They didn’t ask me, they just did it. I didn’t get my second break for another 3 hours because of the extension resulting in me getting an 85 dollar ticket because I couldn’t go out and deal with my parking. (1 hour n 30min in the lot I was in which I usually moved from on the second break. Got my break to late.) that’s like all the money I’ve earned from that day, down the drain. I lost it. So on my second break, I just walked out and didn’t come back for that shift. I’ve never done that before. The guilt I feel is horrible. I just felt so sick and let down, I couldn’t take it. I felt like I was on the brink of insanity. I couldn’t stop crying. Still haven’t as I’m writing this. I already had my 2 weeks notice in so I feel less bad but I’m scared what’s gonna come out of it and what the consequences are, but even so, putting my self first before work feels good.

I feel like I should have just muscled through it and stayed because shit happens, but there’s to much shit going on at once I can’t even comprehend it. I get triggered so easily, I have anxiety attacks? I think that’s what they are, the ones where you just sit on the floor crying and yelling, freaking out over pretty much nothing kind of deal? Anyway, these moments happen most days. More days of the week than not. I just, I broke. That was my limit.

To much fucking shit to deal with man. Keep in mind there’s a lot more going on in my personal life too, I just failed to keep it all at the door. I’m fucking up everything. I wish I could just deal with things and not spiral out of control, haven’t found the key to it yet I guess. I’ve always been a sensitive person too, so it’s hard to figure out if I was overreacting or not, i know so many people go through worse than this. I guess that’s why I’m here, do you guys reckon I over reacted? Or was it justified in a moral sense?