It seems to me that the root cause is that there's this inner child in fear, pain, needs unmet, trying to survive. 

Just my thoughts, i don't know if youll agree to this 
From the anger, rage, to the disassociation( unable to hamdle the fear /intense feelings so we zone out?) , to the fantasizing (distractions)
Everything... We are not living, but simply trying to survive, primitive defense mechanisms aren't needed but tjey stayed with us. 

If you guys have ever noticed a pattern, with someone just listening to you, validating you, SEEING you, being there for you (for me its been like that with several people /favorite persons), I do notice a change in myself, I feel safe (but not completely because they might just leave), its like their presence is a safe ground for you to blossom. But then, we get attached or extremely dependent. It isn't ever good to build yourseld or feel comfortable from one person. 

How can we heal our inner child without external sources? 
How can we get over these deeply rooted fears and insecurities.?