I put myself on the OMAD (one meal a day) diet because I don't do much on a daily basis. I figured I could save money and get healthy by simply eating less. But my life is so empty that I feel like the only thing I have to look forward to on a daily basis is that one meal.

My job is occasionally movement intensive but mostly it's restocking and sitting all day, maybe moving something heavy a few times a day. And in my free time I just sit in my room all day, doing everything I can to stop myself from thinking about how miserable I am.

I don't have friends to talk to. My family doesn't like me and I don't like them. I don't really want to play any games or watch any movies or shows, because I don't find my own company that tolerable in the slightest. I don't like doing or seeing something cool and having no one to enjoy it with or talk to about it. So I just stay home all day, watching youtube and playing games that are more to kill time than they are to enjoy. 

It also kind of hard to enjoy things in general for me because I have mental issues, like ADHD, depression, GAD, that, although I've never been professionally diagnosed with, they are sort of illnesses that you can tell without needing a diagnosis because of how strongly the symptoms present themselves, like a broken arm. So I just can't concentrate on anything, can't do anything on my own, can't enjoy life. Everything is so grey.

I hate eating, if I could I would never eat again in my life, but at the current moment, it's also the only thing I have to look forward to. It's my only source of happiness for the brief moment that I'm eating, but even then, after I've eaten I always feel disgusted with myself for eating like a pig. I'm so overweight, 5'9" and 260 lbs, but I have no will to get up and change that, no will to even live.

And so I wait for my one and only meal for the day, because it's all I have.