I have DDD, Chronic pain, surgeon belittle me yesterday and ask me to go to pain management instead of fixing me.
I’m not myself anymore, used to be very fit.
No job and can’t look for one. wife dump me and I still love her so much.
I don’t eat, lost 10KG because I’m depressed. Meds make me sick.
Don’t see a futur for me now. The past was perfect and now I have so much to deal with so can’t take it. when I look at the photos of me and my life in the past, joy and love. Now nothing. I’m crying and scream with all my lungs in my house.

Yesterday I took a sharp knife impulsively and wanted to cut my throat. I took a whole benzo instead and a sleep meds to zone out on the couch watching TV.

Now it’s the 11pm, diarrhea, dizziness and pain. Haaaaaaaaaa !

I don’t trust in god but if he can put me out of my misery I will be very happy.

I’m seeing my rooting body laying on the floor and my family at my funeral and I don’t want it.

I can’t ask for help, don’t want to end up in psych ward.