i (F18) have been isolating myself from people for the past two years. i didn’t see anyone at all in person between summer 2020-fall 2021. during this time i would only contact friends on social media every once in a while. i’ve been convinced that i dont deserve friends anymore because i was so needy in the past. i internalized my pain and only had my mom as emotional support. but even then, my brother has severe OCD and an abundance of other mental illnesses so my mom is burnt out. i went out with a group of people a few times during late 2021 but i didnt click that well with them and i could tell they werent really interested in hanging out with me anymore either bc they were rly distant with me in our gc.

so now its been over 6 months since i’ve last hung out with anyone at all. for the past 2 months ive been considering reconnecting with several people that i was more actively friends with 2 years ago but whats been stopping me is my fear of rejection. also when i see what they post on their instagram they have so many friends and such busy lives. it feels like even if i meet with them a few times it wont realy fulfill my need for validation because i couldnt become important to them even if i tried. like i said before im close with my mom but shes so stressed that i feel like a burden to her. i dont vent to my mom as much as i used to out of guilt; she keeps telling me that shes only one person since she has to put up with my brother too and i understand but she’s all i have and i genuinely cant take this loneliness anymore.