I remember feeling good till I was 15. It was okay till 16 and from 17, I have been sad. I had friends but I did not go out of house much. I thought that was the reason I was not happy, I thought I was meant to explore. 

I am now in an another country, I go out, I go out alone, with friends. But I just cannot, for a single moment, feel safe and feel like my insecurities are done with me.

 Why do I care so much about what others think of me? I try not to, but to no avail. I am yet to feel happiness again, if even for a single minute.

I feel incomplete, I feel like I am wasting my life, even when I am pursuing a college degree which is thought to be the right thing to do. I want to be something, but I am not sure, I am not sure if I will be able to achieve it or even if I do achieve it, it would be the thing I really wanted. 

A part of me thinks, this will diminish when I find a significant other. Someone I can trust, hug, talk to. People like me, but I have to work hard for it. Why? I do not want to. I think they don't like me when they first meet me. I don't know why. It is exhausting. How can I find that other person, if there is one, who must complete me? Or am I made to stay like this?