This is not exactly BPD related maybe but I don't know where else I could post this.

My parents fought a lot when I was a child. Mostly it was my dad coming home late at night in a drunken state, starting fights, being verbally abusive. The financial struggles fueled the majority of this violence. My mom was just helplessly stuck in this marriage with kids and nowhere to go.

I wasn't the chattiest kid ever but I remember this one time my mom telling me to not talk about what happens at our home with others. And I think it may be a major contributing factor to all my struggles growing up especially when making friends because I had a lot to keep only to myself and I was isolated by this restriction. I was trapped in this insane reality and I wasn't ever able to reach out.

Now I don't really know how much of a role this "don't talk about our problems outside" thing played in my life but recently I've been thinking about it. I know that there are many other reasons why I'm the way I am but still this thing's on my mind.

What do you guys think? Anyone else with similar experiences?