I feel like I'm doing just that. I want my BF to leave me, despite my fear of being alone, because it's the only way he can be happy. I'm just about tapped in this lifetime, there's no need for him to watch me circle the drain.

EDIT: 


How can you decide to fight &amp;want to die at the same time? I feel like I'm going through the motions;starting the process of getting help bc he wants me to get better... while paradoxically wanting him to leave so I can die in peace.