Hi, I've never actually posted before so hopefully I'm doing this right. I am currently 18 years old (19 in a few months) and I have never had a job before because my anxiety keeps on stopping me from getting one. I originally planned to go to university to study for a science degree but I knew that it was something that I didn’t want to do, so I went for a week hoping I could force myself to like it but I ultimately had a MAJOR mental breakdown and left. I know that I don't want to go to uni because I'm not passionate enough about anything to justify spending £60k on a degree I know I won’t use, and I would rather get an average entry level job instead or an apprenticeship. 

The only problem is that I have no idea what I want to do with my life and my anxiety makes me feel so sick that I can’t even bring myself to apply for anything. I have always been terrible in social situations and all of these lockdowns seemed to have made me even worse. I feel sick to my stomach every single day just thinking about getting a job as I won’t know anyone there and think that absolutely everyone will hate me and be horrible to me. I have really good GCSE and A level results but I lack any self confidence and think I am a slow learner who won’t be able to pick up things fast, I'm scared of asking for help and feel horrible making any mistakes. I know it sounds stupid but I’ve been having frequent panic attacks about it daily and it is really exhausting.

I got a job when I was 16/17 as a waitress at a kid’s play centre but on the very first day they threw me into the deep end with no training at all and made me do the till (buying wristbands and stuff), waitressing, dishes, phone calls and bookings all at once while no once else seemed to be doing much work. I ended up having a panic attack in the kitchen and ended up leaving afterwards (pathetic, I know). I think that this negative experience might be subconsciously making me even more anxious about getting a job now as I think history will just repeat itself.

I honestly didn’t think I would ever make it to 18 and now I have I really don’t know what to do because my anxiety is really controlling my life and I just can’t seem to get over it. I don’t really see the point in life anymore at this point because I feel so useless. My mum and dad are so supportive of me but I feel so so guilty for not having a job yet and for doing absolutely nothing but I just mentally can’t do anything. My friends bring up me not having a job every time I see them and I have just run out of any excuses to tell them but I don’t feel like sharing my thoughts with them as I don’t think they would understand. Everyone thinks I’m lazy but the truth is I am just so mentally drained and tired and depressed that I just can’t motivate myself to do anything at all. A lot of days I don't even get dressed or leave the house.

I’m just not particularly good at anything and feel like crying and panicking every time I socialise with people I don't know. I’m sorry for the long post but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.