I feel so messed up right now. I was dating someone for about two years. We broke up after a few months because he wanted to be single and I was devastated but we kept hanging out and eventually got back together when he realized he wanted a relationship more than he had thought. I was happy but also worried he was going to leave again without notice. I got close with someone who I worked with and we ended up fooling around, I told the boyfriend about it because I felt so guilty and I thought he would see my point of view but he left and I don’t blame him. I was hanging out with the other guy who eventually told me we needed to stop hanging out because it was toxic and I was unstable. I was trying really hard not to be obsessive or needy but I guess I came across that way anyways. Me and the ex boyfriend started seeing each other again, but only with tons of alcohol, molly, and cocaine. We just spend so much time together he decided to move in. I still thought he was going to someday leave me again and the coworker started messaging me again. For months I was hiding that I was still talking to him, and even went over to his place a few months ago, and fooled around again. This time I didn’t tell my boyfriend, but I was feeling a lot of guilt and this just made the relationship rocky and he left me about a month ago. He came over this weekend to get his stuff and I told him everything that I hid from him because I was so full of rage that he was seeing someone new. I knew he was hurting and I knew I needed to stop talking but I didn’t. I told him everything and every detail. Now I can’t stop thinking about how I fucked up the potential of anything ever happening there again. And I can’t stop thinking about how he is seeing someone else and I shouldn’t blame him because I was a shitty girlfriend and I just don’t know what to do to get my head to stop racing. 