My partner and I havent been having sex. He hasn't initated or been able to maintain an erection. I thought it was all the bickering we had since moving in together. Maybe work was tough, but eventually I took it personally. A t the same time I was making personal gains, as I struggle with bulimia. I threw away my scale and began being comfortable being nude... things that are challenging for someone with an eating disorder. I confessed to him two days about about my bulimia and apologized because I kept it secret from him and really everyone, but I did it knowing that I was ready to get help.

One day later he confides in me that a recent porn addiction is causing him erectile dysfunction. I did not react well, crying and down right angry because he let me blame myself thinking it was me. I dont think his timing could be any worse telling someone with an eating disorder that he is hooked on porn :(

I lost control today. I woke up before him and got ready to be out on my own when he interrupted me wanting to know why I wanted to be alone and being insecure. I raised my voice that I wanted to him to fuck me but I wasnt going to get that. I simply lost control, reverting back to my 25 year old self and went upstairs and got a razor and simply began cutting in private. It was euphoric and super effective and initially he didnt notice and when I came down from my high he asked why I was washing my skirt and I'm a terrible liar so I told him.  He was non judgemental, but when I was alone again I began banging my head on a wall and punching it. I had completely lost control. 


We talked through all this but I'm ashamed and cant believe all the hard work I've done and now this. I'm not stricken with fear he will abandon me, but I'm afraid that I'm not fit for relationships when I react like this. Just feeling hopeless.