I hope this doesn't go against the rules. I'll delete it if so. Also TW for anxiety, panic disorder, medication, panic attacks and talk of death. 

For a bit of back story, I've had anxiety since I was 5 years old and was left alone. My anxiety of the jump was panic attacks and less of day-to-day anxiety. Also, my trigger is usually thinking that I'll die. More specifically not having any control over my thoughts anymore and less of physical death. (I'm not trying to get into religion or anything but my thoughts on the afterlife are kind of just ur dead and have no control over anything mentally or physically.) Last year, I had a really bad panic attack one of the worst I've ever had and ended up going to the doctor a couple of days afterward to talk about it. I did get prescribed a  small dose (like 2 or 3 pills) of anxiety meds. (I'm not sure what exactly. ) It was kind of just a last resort thing if no one could control my panic attack. However, I only got the meds because I asked for it and therapy was pushed heavily. My dad kept the prescription and I was told I had to ask him for it. I haven't taken it at all but there were a couple of times I wanted to ask for it. I've talked to him about wanting to keep control over it and take it if I see fit instead of asking him and it would give me a lot of peace of mind. He said he didn't have an issue with it, just that I've never had the pill before and he wants someone around the first time I take it in case I have a bad reaction. That was a few months ago and we haven't really talked about it since. Well, these past few months my anxiety has less and less been about panic attacks where it's now more of day-to-day anxiety. It's been really bad lately. I really want to go on a medication that I take daily because I don't think a pill that will calm me down in a panic attack is helpful as I'm not really having panic attacks. Also, with the therapy thing, I did talk to my uncle who is a professional therapist in the states but I didn't talk to him too much because he was family and I didn't talk with him too frequently. It was more just to get my dad off my back about talking to someone. I am now open to having a therapist I just didn't want it over the phone or zoom I need face-to-face interaction and covid and now school has been in the way a bit. However, it's really annoying me that whenever I talk about wanting to go on medication everyone says therapy first because I've always known my triggers, the cause of my anxiety and how to calm myself down in a panic attack. I get the intentions are pure but for the longest time, I was dead set against getting a therapist cause I had a bad experience when I was younger. So saying I want one now is a big deal for me, but I don't want it to be I can go on medication only if I talk to someone first. 

Does anyone have any advice? How should I ask for medication without firstly getting therapy? 

Thank uuu xx