Throwaway because my friend knows my other account. 

So, my friend is a quiet borderline. I have BPD too; but considering there are 256 varieties of this disorder there's bound to be some differences. 

My friend lives in a different state to me (about 4 hours away) and he is the best person ever. He's funny, spontaneous, kind, loving and is just one of the best people in the world. 

So a few years ago we were a lot closer than we are now. We'd talk everyday and see each other as often as we could. But then of course as these things go, we started drifting apart. It's not that we've ever fallen out or anything, just, we got busy. 

I'll contact him more frequently than he contacts me. He very rarely responds to me, it doesn't bother me all that much - I know he's got his own shit to deal with and stuff. But when he calls me, I'll pick up and it'll be the best conversation ever! 

The truth is I haven't seen him for about 3 years, and I miss him like crazy. Whenever we talk, he'll invite me to his place or talk about coming to stay here with me; but nothing ever comes of it. We don't set solid dates and when I message him after our conversation, he won't respond... and I'll know thats it for around 6 months, I won't hear from him for a long time. 

I *know* this isn't personal, it's his way of dealing with things I'm assuming? But to be honest, it's starting to hurt me. 

I just miss him so much. I miss the fun and I desperately want him back in my life, just, more than a phone call every 6 months. I'm not trying to push it, but I hate that he makes false promises. Of course he doesn't have to talk to me all the time, and of course we don't have to meet up if he doesn't want to. But he tells me he does want to meet up, and I know he's being genuine. I just think, there's something stopping him from actually arranging it... or, Idk...

Its like, when he's off the phone he avoids everything. And I don't get it...

I think if I understood him more, like why he does this, perhaps I wouldn't feel so hurt that he lies to me.

If he doesn't want to be my friend that's fine, but I truly believe he does, because, if he's as afraid of abandonment as me, surely if he didn't want me in his life - he'd leave me before I could leave him? Yet he's pushing me away or something?

This has been going on for 3 years now... so its really bizarre. 

Does anyone understand this? What can I do to help? Or... well, what should I do?