I was doing a lot better for the longest time but I think my anxiety is getting worse again. Every day something different sucks and it gives me constant anxiety. Like... Literally every damn day. How can I live in peace when every day something shitty happens and I fear doing anything at all more and more?? I know this is exaggerated and probably not-such-a-big-deal for most people... but every time something "bad" happens, my day is ruined and I just want to go to sleep or off myself. I go through a roller-coaster of emotions every day and every time something stresses me, I can't help but fantasize about shooting myself. Even tho I manage my depression okay-ish at this point... I just can't find any positivity nor stability in my life. At least not for long. And if I find it, it's gone by the next shitty thing that happens, because that always throws me off the wagon again. It's just an exhausting, never ending circle. I get anxious about everything! Making calls, going grocery shopping, driving, talking... sometimes I'm anxious about something that has already happened, even tho I know it makes no sense. Like, I just sit in my room and suddenly feel anxious about a job interview I had weeks ago?? Why?? 

There are a thousand examples how it ruins my day every time. Over and over again. I just can't stop this anxiety. It weights me down so much when I fck up again and again and fuels my anxious thoughts. I'm so embarrassed by all of my stupid mistakes that I make all the time. It makes me feel even more worthless and I worry all the time about everything already. There isn't a single day that I'm not completely stressed out about... Well my life. Most days I'm so stressed, I have a burning headache by the time I go to bed. Sometimes it stays for days non-stop. Which stresses me out even more... 

I know there is no reason to be stressed constantly and I already talked to my therapist about it... But none of the relaxation techniques seem to be working so I always end up coping in... bad ways. Which stresses AGAIN because it makes me feel like a failure. Is all of this a symptom of my depression?? Or is it just my personality? I wasn't always like this, it kinda "developed" in the last  3 years or so and got gradually worse during the last few months. By now I'm a complete fck up, I mess up appointments, I do so many things wrong (even simple things, that I've done 1000 times before), forget important stuff, mess up appointments and feel overwhelmed by everything that is going on - while beeing anxious and embarrassed about myself 24/7. I just want to chill one day and not... be. Not be stressed about my life, my future, everything. Not be anxious about going for a walk or calling a friend. I don't want to live this life, MY LIFE like this, everything sucks and I fail miserably at it. 

Any advice?? I know this text is really long, I apologize.