I’ve talked to so many different people, tried different meds. It seems like nothing works, I think it’s because I don’t *want* to improve

But what do I do then? When I’d rather sit and plan my suicide then my day?

I’ve talked to mental health nurses outside my house because the cops and ambulance were called on me, they said at this point it’s entirely up to me and I have to basically suck it up and try. I get that, but I just feel like I can’t. I’m not sure if my meds are working or will work. 

Sorry for re-post, I just thought I’d write at a better time for more opinions