I had been dating someone for 4 years then rushed into a 2 year relationship. Both people we're toxic, but the most recent two year relationship was, and still is, more toxic  than I could have imagined. If I wasn't messed up enough, that just adds to the chaos and mistrust I have.

I started doing dating apps for the first time after I broke up with my last bf. It is like a fucking high every day and every night. I would go on and match with 10-15 people. Pick the ones I really liked. Go on dates on the weekend. Get drunk and have a great time. If it didn't work out I didn't fucking care because there are a million others out there just waiting to date me. Seriously a better high than any drug.

Well I met a guy and we really hit it off. He's definitely got his own issues (I have a type I guess), but I am SO worried he's going to lose feelings. We decided to be exclusive and delete our apps. I asked to not be officialy bf/gf yet cause it's early and I'm nervous. All I can think about is it falling apart. I am GLUED to my phone waiting for him to text me back. I don't have anyone else to keep me occupied. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Maybe relationships just aren't for me. It's taking me everything not to be crazy. I think I need to go back and see my therapist again. 

I guess this is just to vent more than anything. Anyone have any tips to keep my head occupied so I don't overwhelm and lose him. I told him in the beginning I'm needy but 🤷