Im 21M. I didn’t know my own value and allowed significant bullying at an age later than normal due to not being ready for a very social/dog eat dog environment at college. This was when I was 17 turning 18. The main reason it happened was because I was wearing makeup but not owning it. I did not have any self confidence whatsoever. I made up a lie that a girl put makeup on me and had a panic attack in front of a bunch of dudes.

I was really mistreated verbally as well as physically attacked. There’s a video of me being slapped over some stupid bet too. Just a lot of abuse. Lots of shutdowns and humiliation. Little physical acts that I can feel on my body. It wasn’t supposed to happen. I was so much more than this. I just didn’t have any friends in highschool or really any parental guidance. My father was dying from alcoholism and died the first month of college. My mom just didn’t reach out and I didn’t feel comfortable opening up. 

I do feel like I have to kill myself? If I had just owned the makeup and owned my life then I wouldn’t have have been bullied as bad as this. Just overall extremely fucking dumb. I was so unprepared for that environment it’s insane. I don’t know how to come back. It’s too severe. Too much abuse and too much deep disrespect. I just had to take the makeup off and own my face. It’s so fucked.