Mostly a vent..

Apologies if this is a common post..

Not trying to complain or anything.. just would like some opinions on the matter...

Had my first manic experience a few months ago that lasted about 3 weeks and in that time I had completely destroyed all my interpersonal relationships and lost my job...

I thought I was a god and went on a spree of dumping my whole life story on everyone and anyone who would listen. Thinking music was made for me and written about me. ETC

From what Ive read this seems to be a common occurence when manic.

Now Ive lost all interest in music and everything Ive ever enjoyed. I kinda feel like an empty shell and live every day in extreme boredom and self loathing.

It seems like everything I do reminds me of going insane. I dont get any enjoyment out of anything anymore. Im hyper self aware of being alive, what happened to me feels like a bad dream yet Im still living with the consequences.

Im not really sure who I am anymore or who I should be. Is this just a phase of deep depression? I feel lost and alone.

My friends tell me to find other interests or hobbies, but I just dont find any motivation to do so..

Big issue is that I was struggling with gender issues and while manic,  came out to everyone. I feel like ive destroyed that persona/person I wanted to be inside.

Anyone else struggling to find themselves after a manic episode? And if so what helped for you to get back on the train of forgiving yourself/finding an interest in living again?