It's just something I've been thinking about. And possibly over thinking. I'm still trying to be so mindful of every little thought I have, and today I'm tired and just need to vent. I have often wondered if my thoughts manifest into my reality.

I've been telling myself I'll be alone forever, and honestly, I'm fine with it. I'm not extremely sociable, despite being a normal human being who does require the minimum amount of human contact. I am on my road to recovery. But today, I feel like damaged goods. I'm asking silly what if questions. Like what if I am never to get better? That I've peaked. That's it. I am who I am and I am fundamentally flawed, and should never have friendships ever again. I don't want a relationship. I have learnt I can love someone and love them from afar, and again, I'm fine with that, but because I *have* to be fine with it. 

It's just, it's making me feel less than human. 
I think that's the point of this rant, I just don't feel normal enough for this world anymore. I just work and sleep.