...Just so I can push them away and neglect them. I get a great deal of pleasure from that, despite the fact that I'm lonely and always have been and have always desired a relationship.
It's not hard for me to read people, figure out what they like, and the be that. Then it's also not difficult to actively keep them at arms length at all times. I do the same thing with authority figures: charm them, be flirtatious, get them to like me and then... nothing. I don't know why, I just enjoy it. It makes me feel good about myself I guess. 

This probably going to get  me into trouble someday. 

