Up until pretty recently, I'd get into a pattern that went like this. Find a new favorite person, essentially just ghost everybody, waste about six months on that person, have some sort of falling out, go back to my friends that I ghosted, find a new favorite person. Repeat.

I'm not too sure if I currently have a favorite person. I'm in a situation-ship but there isn't this 'idolization' element that I'm used to. I just see her as a person. I'm pretty sure weed has helped tone down my emotional state to a point where I'm healthy enough to have an actual relationship. An incredible amount of self growth is also responsible, which I'm very proud of myself for.

I caught the pattern this time however. While I want her to be in my life, I don't want her to be the only person in my life. Seeing the same person constantly doesn't help my emotional state and I've finally decided I'm going to take on the arduous task of being in a relationship **AND** having a social life. 

Anyone who says you can't manage this mental illness is full of crap. It's a ton of work and I'll likely have to smoke weed for the rest of my life to keep myself steady, but I'm extremely excited for the summer. I feel like I've found a sense of identity. I was able to recognize that I'm an incredibly rebellious person last night and that was the first time in my life I was actually able to recognize a personality trait in myself.