Hello! So I had an amazing job before the outbreak of COVID-19, I had awesome colleagues, I went to office and could go for 12 hours without being bored. It was not the best job, but I felt happy. Unfortunately due to Covid, people had to be released and I was one of them. I was sad, but found a new job which was during the time of home office being popular. I never got to know anyone personally for two years, but my contract was not renewed. I had trouble finding a new job, which made me depressed the more time has passed. After 5 months finally found a job, which I was not really eager to take, but bills don't pay themselves. 

So first work day, I wasn't in an office for two years, I sit at my workplace and notice that I can't concentrate, start sweating and feel really, really bad. After just two minutes, I tell the boss, that I don't feel well and go home. I believe my anxiety hit maximum and I went to the doctor. Did not go to work for the next two weeks. Started meditating, read about dealing with anxiety and cut off anything unhealthy. This was in March. 

The First April week, I decide to go to work. My heartrate being skyhigh I tell myself, cut it off and stay strong, it'll get better once you get used to social situation in Office again. The whole April was like hell, I was more concentrated on my breathing and staying cool, than working. My colleagues simply suck, nobody ever has a private talk, they sit there for themselves and I feel lonely. The Job itself ist easy, but the payment sucks.

In May every morning I wake up I feel horrible of the thought getting tortured to sit there. My anxiety really sucks. To be perfectly honest I don't even know whether its the Job, or if I developed a social anxiety in general. But if I'm under people in private, be it in the Mall, City or anywhere else where social life is taking place , I don't feel anxious. 

Two weeks ago I get COVID, great, sick again. No understanding from my boss, every day I get asked when I'll be back as they are lacking personel. This week Monday I get back to office, still feeling dizzy from COVID. Nobody, really nobody asks me how I am feeling. I get handed a stack of papers instead. My heartrate averaged 110 all day and I felt like utter shit. 

Today I was on the merge of leaving early. This anxiety is too much to handle. As stated before I have bills to pay and that is the only motivation to keep going, but I really don't know whether I have severe anxiety now or if it's my soul being unhappy with the Job itself. To be fair I have an OCD, have been taking medication, but never did I ever feel this bad before. Do you think it will get better and I got used to Home Office, or do you think this is a lost war. Did anyone have the same experience and If so what helped you to feel better?