I am not even 30 yet (28) but I already have so many regrets in life.. I feel that, until now, I only made the wrong choices every single time. I got severe depression when I was 15 because of some guy I liked (just that is ugly enough..) end even though my self hurt and my suicide attempt were discovered, my depression was left totally untreated. Since then I've been on and off from depression (more like sometimes severe on, sometimes just mild on). I completely failed my scolarity. I do have a high school diploma, but since it's as worth as the middle school diploma, it doesn't count. I have no diploma, almost no work experience, I still live at my parents, and I finally reached a point where I'm just so ashamed of myself and dread the idea of meeting someone I knew from before. How I wish I could go back and become "normal" without having to struggle to be, and not even managing to do it. And I'm stuck. With no diploma, shit jobs, and my previous shit job triggered a new severe depression episode after some time, but I don't have the strength, the courage, the desire, nor the motivation to try anything. And even if I had, I wouldn't even know what to do. I just want the pain to go, the fear and the anxiety to go. Therapy isn't working, meds are not working. But to be honest, I don't even know how it feels like to be "normal" since I pretty much lived my whole life this way.. So what now, burried under my shame and regrets? I can't go back, but I can't seem to move forward either.. So what?

I'm sorry for this long post, I don't know if anybody will relate.. I just needed to get this out today. I've been feeling more depressed than usual for the last couple days, and I just finished a tv show that had like everything I would have liked (or would still like) to have in life: good, supportive parents, nice friends, people who are able to work hard at school for what they want, succeeding university too, walking through life and its challenges with their head high. Even if they get at the bottom, them manage to bounce back. Such a nice romantic relationship.. (it's the kind of unrealistic relationship, fictionnal stuff that doesn't happen in really life so one could never get that). It's not that I want to compare to fisctional characters, and they had quite shitty moments in their lives too, they were not perfect. But it just showed me EVERYTHING (minus the romance) I could have done, I could be doing, how I could be a functionning adult too.. And I had a break down. For once, I just feel like I needed to share this, because honestly, I wish none of you can relate TT