I have been doing something which I have wanted to do for years since I was a 9 or 8-year old (I'm now 14). My brother did it when he was my age, so I just was like "Hey, I wanna be like my brother!!". I still want to do this, I think it will help me with my future (I won't say how for security).  So, I was in one of the training, and everything was fine. I was happy, curious, and excited. But then, they chose me for the important thing. I am now preparing for a real discussion. And, this is just killing me.  


I want to do this, I seriously want, and even if the topics aren't what I really like to investigate, I feel like I have, you know?  But, up to this point, I haven't been sure of ANYTHING. Every time, before every project or work, I have been crying in fear. And when I feel like everything was gonna be fine, something happened that made me just stress more than before. To cry. To be anxious. To just feel like I shouldn't do this.   


I don't even know If I'm well suited for this anymore. I want to do this, but I just think I'm not capable enough. Im too much of a mess. I'm too bad for this.  I... I just don't know.  I won't stop this, I don't want to. I want to continue, to get better, and eventually to be good at this. But at the same time, Im suffering. Im crying. My head hurts. My eyes hurt. My breathing is hard.    


I guess I just want to get help. I don't know what to do anymore.