I've had that "endless abyss" feeling in my gut on and off for a couple weeks. I typically only get really bad depression once in a great while, but it's been so bad lately. I'm about to leave my safe, comfortable manufacturing job that I hate to go back to school (I'm 29 and going back for radiography). The shitty thing about making this choice is it means my husband and I, who have been living with my crazy mom for 4 years, will have to stay for at least two more so I can afford to get through school. It was so hard to choose between finally being free of her and staying at a job that makes me feel dead inside or going back to school and giving myself a real chance at life and being doomed to hell at home for two more years. My mom has used me as her emotional support since I was about 8 and my parents got divorced. She is basically a child and has no capacity for taking responsibility for anything, even taking care of her house or holding a job, and expects everyone else to cater to her. She is the child and I am the parent. She is also unable to take any form of criticism and will turn everything around on you, cut off your sentences, raise her voice when it's unnecessary, and blame others and find excuses for everything she does wrong. It's literally impossible to talk to her about anything we don't agree on. I have tried to speak calmly and have an open dialogue many times, but she ALWAYS has to take it to a level where I can't hold my temper anymore and we end up verbally fighting until I leave the situation or tell her to leave. It's killing me to be around such a toxic person (and her boyfriend is toxic too and they are always back and forth between getting along okay for a few weeks, then fighting viciously and almost breaking up), but my husband and I don't have the means to leave. We got really excited a couple weeks ago because we thought our friend had someone leaving the part of the house they were renting out and we could move it for $500 a month, but the renter ended up staying :( I've only just started realizing that I have BPD (already knew I had GAD and depression) and it's so hard to deal with daily life and managing my emotions already, but it's almost impossible to handle with the shit my mom is putting on me too. I've never been the suicidal type or anything, but I'm really sick of feeling this unending darkness inside myself. I work first shift and my husband works second, so I don't see him 5 days a week and he's really my only emotional support.