I feel like such a dunce for that. I hate that I just started screaming and patronizing him over something so insignificant and marginal. It takes me hours to get over the shame and guilt. That or I’m so angry at the world all the time I feel like satan for enjoying screaming. All that happened was I asked him for some help with spreading my egg yolk across a piece of toast. He said “You sure are being high maintenance this morning” and I just snapped. Completely lost it. I started screaming “fuck you” “I’m trying my hardest to eat healthy, read and go to Thearpy and you just call me high maintenance” You don’t give a fuck you fat ass” “if I’m so high maintenance you can bury me in my grave. Is that low enough for you”  “all you do is ignore me all the time. Im so alone. Fuck you” “you wish I was more like my brother” blah for like five minutes of it. He handled it really well though. This is far from our first rodeo with me just blowing up. When I was in my teens, this was a weekly occurrence. I’ve broken countless PlayStation controllers, TVs, plates. Especially when I used to be a bartard. As a teen I was fired from so many jobs for fist fighting. That’s why I’m so angry with myself. I’m 23 and I hate going back to that bullshit problematic behavior I used to display during iadolescences. It makes me so hopeless cause It makes me feel like i haven’t matured at all. Anyway, he just said he was sorry and that he didn’t mean it that way. We hugged it out and i said sorry and that I didn’t mean to displace my anger on him. It’s just so hard sometimes. I always want to fight like a impulsive indignant idiot. I still have issues with it. I start fights when playing basketball all the fucking time. I hate this shit I swear. I’m just happy  my dad wasn’t a dick