I don’t rlly feel suicidal as much,the thought scares me now but a few months ago it didnt use to,honestly i hate the feeling of being scared to do it or just not feeling like doing it,its weird not having that strong feeling anymore,everything has always been meaningless and now its even more,its so irritating,im constantly really depressed cant do shit i have to force myself for everything,i lost all my friends,i only have a guy friend who doesnt see me as a friend,and i guess he stuck around only because he loves me romantically and not because he loves me as a true friend..I am not going to uni because i have this stupid fear called mazeophobia,the fear of getting lost in an unknown city(its rare) and my university is in another town,it was the best opportunity i could have ever gotten because its so hard getting accepted in that university..i feel like im incapable of work,i have no interest in anything i just feel lost and exhausted each day,im so tired.I have literally disappointed everyone including myself.