I first want to point out that I'm a coward and at this moment won't do anything about how I'm feeling but if life keeps getting worse I genuinely don't know if I will do something in the future.** 

I'm a 15(f) and my life has fallen apart. I'll try to keep this short and not as jumbled. It's my 3rd time writing this so I hope this turns out good. My mom and step dad fight everyday. I have trauma from when I was young. I had a gf who made me so happy, she broke up with me a few days ago. My step dad has 2 kids who are rooting for divorce. If they do divorce they still have a house whereas me and my family will be kicked out and need to find a house elsewhere, we have no family in this town and my mother is struggling with work especially since her shoulder is broken and she has various allergies and diseases that limit what she can do and where she can work. She is the sole bread winner in the house. Their fight has caused a flare up in trauma related panic attacks. I spoke to my best friend about everything that's been happening she hasn't been talking to me since. I stopped talking about everything for awhile and bottled it up until I had a huge fight with my mom a week ago and may have caused a rift between her and my oldest sibling even though they have told me I haven't. My dad isn't in my life as he chose a 5 year old over me. I saw my mom stop breathing and I've seen her seizure. She's had numerous allergic reactions because my step dad's kids were raised sheltered. I failed math for the 2nd year so I need to retake it. I hate not knowing the future or having an idea of what will happen, I don't see a future because I don't know where I might end up. I want to graduate early but I need to not fail my classes and need to get an 3.2 GPA for my dream school but I don't know if I can do it. I've dissociated so much life feels like a nightmare, it doesn't feel real and it took 3~ minutes for my mind to realize I was having a panic attack and start panicking. My body during that time was freaking out before my mind. I'm trying to start a business and have no creativity. 

I just want a stable and normal life, and everything I've mentioned except for when my trauma happened has happened in the last 2 years with 90% of it happening from 2021 July 1st to now. I don't know what to do anymore and what will happen. I'm scared and nervous. I want to cry but I don't have anything left in me to cry or feel, I've dissociated so much so that my gf broke up with me only a few days ago, and I still have not processed it. I would like advice on how I can overcome this. I want the phantom touching, the panic attacks, the late nights hearing them fight, the uncertainty on what will happen to me. I want it all to stop, I want a way out but I'm too cowardly to end it but I don't know if things keep piling on if I'll be able to keep that mindset.