(reposting due to lack of interaction...)

Now that we're close to valentine's day, I feel worse than ever. 

All these commercials on the TV and all these campaigns and marketing, keep reminding me that I'm alone and that I lack something essential that almost everyone my age has experienced at least once. I'm lacking the feeling of having someone that's always there for you, like a girlfriend or a really close friend and while it would not be an all-problem solver, it sure would be nice to have at least someone to talk to and getting affection from. 

In my opinion, this day (valentine's) should be illegal since it triggers lonely people and increases my suicide willingness. It discriminates and shoves in my face the joy other people are having that I also want to have. I don't want to be alone.. not another year, please... I feel way too lonely and I'm tired! It's too painful and if I'm supposed to be alive like this, then I don't want to live! I don't have the will to do anything and I just don't know what else I can do! Everything else is not enough! 

The pain of being alone every fucking year, it's way too unbearable! I'm tired of not being worth enough for someone to miss me. Because I know the reason that I always end up alone, is that my value is low! 

This will never change and that is why I'm certain that I will end up killing myself. I'm just a single digit, anyway... I don't even know why I'm writing this... Noone can and noone will ever do anything... I feel resignation! I've decided that my future is permanently canceled. This is just way too bad and I don't want to keep resisting the stream. I need to accept dying as something natural and to look at it in the same way that I look at birth. 

I wanted so much for this situation to be different but there is nothing else I can do. I've tried everything! And nothing can stop me now cause I don't care anymore.