I used to go to therapy for social anxiety and depressions and was suicidal almost 2 years ago while away at college. I’ve always had some days where I’ve been excessively excited and lately I have to run all over my apartment back and forth and kiss my boyfriend constantly and can’t help patting his face and almost wanting to slap him for no reason, just to hit something, but I’ve never actually done it. It lasts for almost a day or a few hours at the least. Then I’ve been so sad and tired or anxious that I feel like I have to drink alcohol to feel better and every once in a while (maybe a month or so) I feel the need to drink so much I can’t even get up off the floor. 

Has anyone else ever felt like this? Or have any advice. When I was in therapy it was so hard to even talk to my therapist about literally anything without feeling like crying or just start sobbing uncontrollably and when I try to make an appointment with a therapist over the phone I get too anxious and hang up before they answer.