I’ve been incredibly lonely and down but I always come to work and fake it through as a funny, happy and calm girl. My close coworkers are aware of my BPD and many mental health issues. I constantly feel like I’m always the one talking, asking questions, reaching out, sharing things I see or read, etc. Yesterday I decided to not do that (it’s exhausting sometimes... especially when it’s not reciprocated and you feel like you’re being annoying) and I stayed quiet all day. I had my headphones on and even put my head on my desk to calm my anxiety. I wasn’t my normal self and it was visible. No one said anything... didn’t ask me how I was or try to talk about literally anything. These two girls in my office say they care so much about me but when I test it they always fail. It’s a weird way to put it and sounds like I’m looking for attention but... I am lol. 
It’s like if I don’t share anything on my own term, no one will ask. If I don’t involve myself in things, no one will ask me to join. Idk it’s just shitty and makes me feel like I need to stop putting so much of myself into people who don’t give it back.