It feels like even what happens to me in just an hour is a lot. For example today I was working really hard concentrating at a 100%, then I was distracted for an hour or two, then I got really horny and wanted to meet someone so I contacted 5 people which I normally don't have the confidence to, then I got really over it and decided to close my 'dating' app account ... again then I felt reborn and able to get back to my work, and now I feel blah. all of that happened within 4 hours. 

It's the same when I try to think about the last week, I don't even know where to begin. 4 weeks, 3 months, 1 year. It's like so many changes and I can't exactly keep up and it honestly doesn't feel like it happened to me. 

But what really sucks is I'm in a really good place now, generally but then I also know it won't last. My brain is so tired.

The worst part is when I speak to a doctor, I have no idea what to tell them. It's all a blur, it's like every 3 days I turn into a different person and honestly you could take any snapshot of my life and you wouldn't think it's the same person.

How can I process my life so when people ask me what's wrong I can tell them. It's like I become a new person and can't remember the part of me that went real dark a few weeks ago. Now everything is sunshine and rainbows, it feels like anything I do will turn to gold, but I also know it's just an illusion just like a few weeks ago everything seemed to just make me want to die. I have cycles within cycles I just wish I could enjoy being in a good place without having to worry about that moment when I throw it all away in the blink of an eye.