I feel like I’m trapped in a box of nothingness with an open door thru which people come but always leave. The door never closes and I’m bound inside of it. I’m diagnosed with anxiety, depression and Ed. I’m tired of people saying it gets better because it doesn’t it hasn’t since childhood. I’m still young ( I’m 16)  but nothing has ever gotten better. I see a psychologist regularly but that doesn’t really help either, it helps me understand my feelings but I just cannot get myself to do anything that my psychologist suggests. I’m home schooled so I can do anything anytime and everything works according to my will but I don’t do anything. I just can’t. It’s been almost 2 years and I haven’t studied I haven’t opened a book. I’ve just been in bed or sleeping most of the time and eating. I did try to study once for a week but that fell apart too. I’m also going through a fresh breakup right now from a serious relationship, he would breakup with me often and come back a week later and this went on for long. He broke up w me on New Years . he was extremely toxic and it destroyed my mental health more and I’m a big mess and sometimes I’m numbing myself which is a habit of mine. 
I don’t do anything all day, I just eat and I’m in bed, I don’t workout I don’t do anything at all. I’m fit and skinny because of genes but my habits are extremely unhealthy. I order fast food 3 times a day since 2 years and sometimes I don’t eat at all or binge a lot due to my ed . 
My mom is an alcoholic and it affects me daily. 
I do have a personal chef yet I order fast food because I just can’t get myself to eat anything home made . I just want to be left alone with my dog  
My family life isn’t good either it’s always been messed up. People and my psychologist keep saying to do something but I just can’t  I just want to end it and I’ve been contemplating for a few days because I’m just so tired. I have goals for the future but now after my breakup I just can’t take it anymore. My previous relationship was messy too and it wasn’t even serious and it took me 3 years to get over it but now this relationship has scarred me a lot and I just can’t do anything. I don’t want to live anymore I’m tired I feel like a failure I can’t do anything. I only take care of my hygiene regularly and of my dog. He’s the only one keeping me here because I just want to end it all. I have no friends either, I used to be a big extrovert but everything fell apart because it turned out everyone disliked me for no reason which I’d why I can’t make any friends either as everyone knows me and dislike me. I have trust issues too and I can’t ever get close to anyone I’m so tired of it. 
I am really smart and used to be a Straight A student but a lot of things have happened these past 4 years and I’m broken. I can’t focus on anything I’m anxious all the time I can’t sleep . The anxiety chest pain never goes away and I have low bp issues which makes it worse . I feel like a fucking loser . I thought I had finally found someone who wouldn’t do me wrong i got so attached to him and his family and his pets and now he dumped me again for the 15th time probably . But apart from the breakup i just still can’t do anything I can’t sleep I have nightmares and sleep paralysis and sometimes insomnia . Melatonin gummies don’t help much either I just want to end everything I don’t even have 1 close friend because no one seems to match my wave length and they all end up ghosting me  after a day . Everyone has a close friend / best friend but I don’t. I’ve been spending New Years and Christmas alone for years now and all my birthdays have been bad. My bf made me happy even though the relationship was quite toxic . During our relationship he made my birthdays good &amp; Him and I have a bond I can’t have with someone else and now he left too, probably won’t even come back this time. I’m also really insecure and I constantly compare myself to everyone even though I am really attractive myself.
I feel so fucking stupid my parents think I study but I haven’t in years all I do is spend money on food and random stuff because I have the privilege to do so and cry every night or just be numb and burn holes in the ceiling with my eyes. I’m so tired I just want to end it, my dog is the only reason I’m here. German shepherds really are the best. 
I’m such a failure and I’m so tired .  People misunderstand me so much no one knows the real me because I put on this guard because anytime I let it down people take advantage of me. Please I don’t want to hear it gets better, that just makes me feel worse. I feel worthless I have no one and I just want to end it but my dog is stopping me