I lived a happy, normal life until I reached middle school. The only downsides were my home was always messy when I'm the kind of person who liked cleanliness.

I used to have friends when I was a kid, people liked me, I was funny, and respected despite being a troublemaker.

I had my first crush in 5th grade and was rejected twice by her. Then in 7th grade I went to a whole new school and my parents told me I'd never have to worry about that one girl again because I'd meet plenty. By 9th grade I'd been rejected by at least 25 girls I liked. I don't know why I pursued so many, maybe because the first few rejections destroyed my self esteem and I hoped that maybe one would like me.

As for friends, I grew apart from everyone I called a friend in my early years except one. The new friends I'd made from 7th grade to 11th grade ended up being extremely toxic, didn't like me and constantly made fun of me for everything. I joined a new friend group in 11th grade and they seemed so much better, they were actually nice to me and seemed like they cared about me.


11th grade was in 2021, and this is where things started to get really bad. First I lost one of my oldest friends to suicide, then a month later I lost my Grandpa who I hadn't been allowed to see for 6 years because of a family fallout. 

In November I'd finally found a girl who felt the same way about me. It seemed like, despite the awful things that'd happened my life was on track, it seemed like thing's were going well. Then everything went down hill again.

I tried my hardest to be the best boyfriend I could, I tried to be sweet and romantic and my girlfriend didn't appreciate it, she didn't like me for some reason but I tried to make it work. She ended up going off on me one night because I just wanted to see her one weekend. I didn't say anything hurtful back, not once. 2 days later she broke up with me, broke my heart and this marked the beginning of my depression. I kinda lost motivation and happiness, I was still kinda functioning but only because I had to. She then came back into my life because she was lonely and broke my heart again because she woke up one day and decided she hates me, then came back AGAIN, for the same reason only for her to break my heart again because she found someone else. Eventually we stopped talking completely and it hurt me, to lose my first love like that.


But could it get any worse? Of course, and it did. My 'friends' started to change, they started being cold to me, and then starting insulting everything I said and did, they made me feel like shit, they excluded me from everything, they disrespected me. I didn't have any other choice but to cut them off...

And now I basically have no one. Every friend I've made has been through being introduced by someone else, and I've realised now that I don't have what it takes to make friends, or find a relationship. The one I did have was pure luck, and she ended up hating me. 


The only thing I can say is I have my parents and siblings but no matter how close I try to get with them, I just feel emotionally and mentally unsatisfied. So it basically feels like I have no one.


So that's where I'm at in life now. I'm a depressed loner with no friends and countless romantic failures.


All people say is that 'you're so young, you've got your whole life ahead of you'

It doesn't make anything better saying that, this is supposed to be the best time of my life and I'm miserable with no friends, everyone seems to just dislike me and I don't even want to live anymore.

I just wish I had friends, and romance. I can't keep going like this. This lonliness is awful.


...Thanks if you made it through this. Thanks for listening