I've been suffering with social anxiety for some time. And I came to a realization earlier today that broke me down into tears. That I realized that I might never be in a healthy relationship.

It took years of Social and Speech therapy for me to break out of my shell and actually talk to people. It wasn't until 8th grade where I managed to make friends outside of the people in my sessions. Before then I couldn't even string together a sentence to anyone I did or didn't know, or even play around and be a normal kid.

But, I managed. I started making friends and developed a personality that made me more liked in almost any community. And I loved it every time I made a friend. I'd befriend anyone, even people who I had crushes on.

But, I wasn't taught how to handle those feelings. How to start a relationship to a girl who I liked. It felt as though those years of therapy amounted to nothing. As I could only be able to string a single sentence. And it wasn't until I treated them as a friend that I felt comfortable talking to them. Even if I did start a relationship.

They wouldn't last. Because the feelings I have for them are different from my friends and as a result my anxiety will come in full swing. I'd feel insecure, that I'm not doing these things right. But, when I try to understand and fix that I come across as clingy and obsessive. Because I was doing exactly what a clingy and obsessive person would do.

So, they would end and the worst of it all was that I'd lose a loved one and a friend. And that's the worst feeling in the world for me. I spent years learning how to be friends with people and I realize that if I try to be more than that it's likely to fail and I would lose a friend due to faults that's entirely my own.

It took me 13 years to learn how to be friends with someone. So, it makes sense that it would take a long time to learn how to be in a health relationship with someone. But, I fear that my lack of understanding and my anxiety will keep me from ever having such an experience.

Do any of you have any advice for feel the same way?