*TRIGGER WARNING - ALL CONTENT WARNING*


This may be lengthy and incoherent so bear with me just the state of my mind atm. 24m btw. Why am I back into the place I swore that I wouldn't let myself get back to? I know people say recovery isn't linear but I was well past 100 days clean of substance abuse, regularly going to the gym which was a HUGE step for me and a goal of mine for years that I struggled to even cross the doors with, I was eating clean and attempting to recover from binge eating episodes, finally attempting to tackle my body dysmorphia by training, finally attempting to be social in some aspect with the gym considering I'm otherwise agoraphobic. Haven't been to gym in 3 weeks and my eating has been terrible, definitely wasted all the work I'd done so far, and all for what? Back to 224 lbs at 6 foot 1 feel horrible. Is there hope for me to be in any way mentally sound enough for starting university in late September? Feel fucked. Any advice would be nice.