I'm 31 years old I'm the youngest of 3 siblings we all show the same mom just 3 different dads I grew up as your typical kid  Besides I've been in a few accidents when we 1st moved to my town that I grew up in I got hit by a car  And fall in off a cliff  Just to name the major ones but there's been other accidents  I have the hardest time coming out and just saying that I need help I express myself with music and riddles When I get depressed To try to cheer myself up I will do or say anything Just so I can try to get a reaction out of someone Because I want them to feel as bad as I do it dosen't matter who it is When I was maybe 10 years old I attempted suicide for the very 1st time My mom found me in my closet hanging from a Belt  And since then I've probably attempted a good 6 maybe 8 times throughout my life so far I've been hospitalized a few times I think maybe 4 or 5 I've learnt from a young age to tell the doctors what they want to hear so I can get out of there as soon as possible because I hate lock in a hospital I am definitely depressed right now because I'm taking my sadness/Anger out on people that doesn't deserve it like my 9yr old son I'm sad/mad that his mom can find happiness and i can't if I truly think about it its one of the Dumbest reasons someone could be mad but no matter how much I think about it It doesn't change the fact that I am because I want to bring her happiness but all I do is the opposite to the point where she hates me and wishes I was dead already can't say I blame her this is not a oh poor me story or at least I don't want it to be because i know im a asshole its just me telling a little about myself to the internet and getting things out of my head it might be to late to fix things with my son and her but maybe for one of you it's not don't make the same mistakes as did and still do so learn to actually ask for help if you need it