Growing up in the small town with a depressed mother, cut off from the rest of society, I have grown to hate people in general - especially people who enjoy socialization and pride themselves on having a big social circle. I feel so uncomfortable relating to them in any way - they feel so alien to me, as if they were a whole another species with whom my species is in the war with - and at the same time I despise them so much, I see them as just cogs in this massive social machine, as marionettes who are dancing the way the Big Brother tells them to, as suckers who are so naive that they believe whatever they're told is "good" or "bad", is "cool" or "lame"...

Whenever I talk to one of them I can't keep myself from thinking about what a fkn idiot they are, how naive they are, and how much they believe whatever bullshit they're told by whatever social media/news outlet/social circle they're exposed to.

Most of my friends, ever, were based on the mutual hatred of "normal" people, and our striving to be something different just for the sake of not being one of "them".

  
I don't mind having this kind of elitist attitude in general life, but it's giving me problems.  
For example, reading any kind of DBT self-help book, my stomach just twists and turns at all the bullshit it's in there, engineered for the Average Joe/Jane just to make them think whatever the writer wants them to think. Reading stories that start with 

&gt;Michele was X. Michele then started to do Y. Then Michele had to Z. Etc. Etc.

makes me feel so f\*cking angry - I have a feeling like the writer is literally playing hand puppets in order to show a point to some child that has no ability to comprehend adult sentences. I start despising the whole f\*ucking community because, oh, obviously they're all so childish and dumb if they need this kind of puppet-play stories in order to get a point!  


So yeah, this kind of attitude doesn't really help me in my life at all.

But I honestly don't know how to change it. This hatred is a part of who I am, and if I were to lose it - to suddenly become "normal" - I feel that I'd hate myself so much I'd do something really bad to myself.

Any input welcome.