I told my boyfriend I didn't want to talk to him today because he's hungover. It's the first time we would have talked since I got home. We are long distance. I've been in a really bad place since my adoptive family is screaming and fighting all the time. I come from an abusive household so it's very stressful for me when everyone is yelling. I don't know why I pushed him away. But I was an asshole about it and now he doesn't want to talk to me at all. I really just needed a friend and one was there and I said no and I hate myself for it. I've just got done self harming because I'm so so so angry at myself. I'm spiraling and I don't know what to do. This is my third day straight I've spent crying. I just want the pain to stop. Nothing is distracting me. I've taken so much Benadryl today to try and sleep. I don't know what to do. I'm so alone.