Should I go to a Psychiatrist?
I(19F) have no idea whether this even worth bringing up or going to a doctor for. I come from a “mental illness doesn’t exist” household but I’ve had so many red flags growing up.

I don’t know if my memories actually existed or happened because I have some serious mental blocks or amnesia for large parts of my young childhood. But I suffered through nightmares and night terrors all throughout my childhood and would frequently wake up crying and screaming. I swear during middle school I frequently voices in my head telling me to kill myself (which I tried) or harm myself (which I did) and hurt others. I didn’t know how to cope with my anger and issues so I physically abused my little brother during those times and that shit haunts to this day, idk how he forgave me. 

I’ve have visual hallucinations during high school, the most during my walks to school and at night. In my final year of highschool I had a dream and took a philosophy class and I don’t think people really exist anymore? Like I feel like in reality I’m about to die and that what I’m currently living through is exactly me reliving all my memories in a sort of “life flashing before my eyes” situation and that any moment now I’m going to wake up right before a car crash or bullet going into a head. 

Currently I’m in college and I’m doing ok but sometime I get scared in the dark because I feel like the shadows are moving and my sleep paralysis demons are going to come back and I just don’t know if I can trust myself? Like who am I and what are my true memories and what’s my future? I just don’t understand. I just want to know why I think like this? Is this normal?