It just doesn't feel like I have any self control at all - I'm always pulled along by others but am unable to take any initiative or get anything done myself. I don't really have any friends, just friends-of-friends. I've got all sorts of basic adult-stuff that I've not taken care of atbalmost 30. The only reason I leave the house at all these days is for work, and all I can think about at work is how much I'd rather be at home... doing nothing.
I wish I could say I'd be using that time to pusue my "passion" for art but I find it borderline impossible to focus on or be consistent with it - hell, even simple pleasures like watching movies/playing games feels like hassle and I usually give up before I start.

This pattern of lethargy and procrastination has characterized my whole life. I guess I figured that one day I'd grow out of it, but it's just gotten slowly worse. I wish I knew another way to be but it seems like even the most minor of stumbling blocks might as well be monoliths to be cause I just get nothing done...

So here I am just tossing my pathetic little message out into a stream of others - cries for help from people who no doubt have more real issues than mine. I don't know what else to do though. More and more this feels like the end and I'm just dragging my feet on admitting it