I'm just so angry with myself. For not trusting my gut. Something felt off, something felt wrong, but I kept telling myself what he told me: he was busy with work, he had so much going on. And maybe that's all true on some level, but I should've just left before he could leave and I didn't because I convinced myself that no, I was reading into things, I'm prone to overthinking and obsessing, it's fine. It wasn't.

My longest relationship ever, six months, ended with a text from him and now we're just. nothing. Last week at this time I was in bed with him, now we're probably never going to speak to or see each other again. And I couldn't prevented the worst of it by trusting my instincts and going like, a month ago, but I didn't because of my stupid self awareness of BPD and I wanted to not self sabotage, I wanted to give us a chance. But I didn't, I got full force of the text and the breakup and it's been 24 hours and I've barely even moved. 

All I've done is just laid in bed, daydreaming about SHing or hoping a meteor would fall on me. How am I supposed to go to work tomorrow? How am I supposed to do anything other than just lay in bed like the corpse I feel like?