Lockdown is a lot. I have now been alone for 17 days. I live in a shared house with people I don't know, so for the past 17 days I have been existing in a small bedroom. Sometimes I go to the kitchen or the bathroom, sometimes I'll go for a walk. But 90% of my waking hours are in the same small room. I can't even stare out of the window. All I have are skylights. I feel like I've basically been dissociating for the past 17 days. I've gotten nothing done, I can't fathom doing my university assignments.

I was meant to go to my boyfriend's place. He is living with his folks for a bit, and they have a big house. If I was there I'd have space, things to do, human and animal company. But every time I'm about to go over, it gets pushed back. Eventually the whole country will be locked down and I won't be able to leave my house to move in with them for a bit. I get that they probably hate me but I just don't get how they could abandon me like this. I feel so alone.

The mental health person from my uni called me today to make sure I was somewhere safe, because being alone isn't good for me. I don't have the heart to tell her that I'm just stuck in a box. My neighbour is rude, and I can hear him screaming at his kids through the walls and throwing things, causing me to have flashbacks. I try slamming on the wall to get them to stop but they just get louder. Honestly, I don't see any point in going on. I've fallen so far behind in my degree because of this year (and I'm not allowed to redo the year) that I may as well give up, I'm so alone that I could die today and no one would notice until my rent was due. That's over 20 days. I just can't find anything to look towards.