20/m. Adopted. I've spent the past few years of my life trying to figure out where the hell my problems lie. I've been working since I was 15, yet I've never held a job longer than 6 months. I'm prone to mental breakdowns, especially when it comes to conversation with my father, who's relationship I've damaged the most over the years.

I can't help but have a deep feeling that my parents are responsible for whats become of me. I was ignored in my own home from the age of 13-17, when I got kicked out of the house and dropped out of high school at the end of my senior year. Reflecting on it, everything I did was indicative of attention seeking behavior that drastically escalated in the last few years of my stay, and culminated in a daily pot smoking habit that started when I was 16. I've been clean for a month.

Almost every conversation I would have with my parents in those years would result in a full blown breakdown. I don't like to look back on them, but I was a fucking monster. Screaming, cussing them and their god, striking every personal vein I knew how. I should have been in therapy long ago. Instead they just let me sit in my room for countless hours playing WoW, which was my escape before I started smoking pot. I ballooned from 160 to 220lbs over the course of two years. Needless to say, I probably had a bit of hope for getting through this when I was 13. But the problem was ignored and I was left to myself for years while just stewing within my own head. 

After I got kicked out, I realized I couldn't rely on anyone and went about fixing myself up the best I could. From 17 - 20 I got my weight back down to 160. I started picking up on social skills that I had abandoned in favor of WoW. I've recently finished 3 of the 5 classes I need to complete in order to get my high school diploma. I should be finished with my last two by January.

But I still have intense struggles maintaining jobs. I am horrid at personal relationships. I feel like I've done all I can on my end and now I really need them to step up to the plate to help me out. The relationship I have with my mother has improved drastically over the years, but I feel like my dad has all but disowned me. He's very dismissive of psychology in general. Unfortunately, he controls the finances and ultimately decides whether or not I can move back in the house to work and attend therapy.

Whats the right way to bring this up with my family? My first instinct is to tell him "Fuck you, you helped put me in this mess asshole, you can help me out of it as well." But I know that's not going to get me anywhere. The problem I have is not falling back on that response by default, because deep down that's how I really feel. I feel like my childhood was ruined because of him, and now my future is on the line as well. I hold deep animosity towards him. He's the one I talked to about being depressed when I was 14 only to be scoffed at. He's the one who took the responsibility of adoption and then left me to rot in his own home. He's the one who places all the blame on me and will never accept any responsibility on my end.

My biggest worry is that I slip back into my drug addiction. This is the 2nd time in my life that I've had to uproot myself from my surroundings to get away to clean myself up. My biggest worry is that I fall back into my ways once again. I started messing with coke towards the end of my last stint, and can easily see myself picking up worse habits if I don't figure something out soon. 

Thanks for the advice.