Nine months ago, I moved away from the state where I'd lived for a year and left behind my favorite person, who I had an undefined but intense romantic friendship with. We've been drifting apart, but I still hold on to him because lol BPD + letting go does not add up.

Anyway, last night I was stoned as fuck, in a good mood, and logged onto Facebook to see that he'd changed his relationship status and is in a relationship and i'd had NO idea he was even considering being in a relationship with someone despite the fact that we are, at the core, friends. I assumed that because we're still someone romantic with each other (flirting, messaging very often, the occasional sext lmao), we would at least tell each other if we were close to being in relationships with other people. 

So my mentally-ill ass is feeling hella fucking abandoned and ugly and shitty and insignificant and I hate that I feel this way. Need some good ideas to keep myself busy tonight instead of going off and sending him a thousand messages about how mad I am and how much I love him lmao