 it's like everything i want is taken from me. all that's reserved for me is endless pain. why did i have to be born like this? is it possible i'm being punished? every single thing that happens to me, even the circumstances in which i was born, my defective genes, seem to be designed to make me suffer. i feel like my life is completely out of my control and i could never be happy or satisfied no matter how hard i tried -and i have tried- because my brain is just not capable of it. and now i have no one to blame and have to deal with the guilt despite knowing it's not my fault.