I feel like i endured this long enough. I joined the community fairly lately (with 36). All my life i chased my ambitions... but i always fell short.  It was somewhat of a relief to learn that i have schizophrenia... but still it's unfair to have all that potential when you are young only to lose it bit by bit... this whole experience was cruel and i don't think people without this desease will ever understand what this means to people with this afliction. I am currently considered a highly functional schizophrenic... but the truth is i am barely functional at all. i have no life after work... i can barely organise my private affairs. I don't know how i will be able to keep with up with this. i don't know if i want to. sorry for ranting and my bad english.