Went out last night with my husband to a club we were at a couple weeks ago.

I was hypomanic then and I’m not now.

The people we were hanging out with were like “last time you were so hilarious &amp; fun, must have been drunker!”

And I know I wasn’t drunker, I was hypomanic. 

And this kind of thing has happened before. I have formed and then lost entire relationships while in a mania/hypomania because I wasn’t the same person anymore.

Normal me is very quiet, shy, and reserved. I have RBF and trouble talking to people. So, like I get I’m more unpleasant when I’m not hypomanic.

But it just kinda hurts? Like my disordered personality is the one people like. That’s effed up, right?

I guess I don’t really care about random people, but I have a sinking suspicion that my husband likes hypomanic me better too. We actually met when I was manic &amp; I was very forward &amp; easy-going. 

Then oops I’m bipolar and have like five different modes of being. Surprise!

He’s really extroverted &amp; likes having a good time, so it makes sense he likes the hypomania. But it still just kinda sucks.

It makes it tempting to do stupid shit to stay hypomanic, not that I’m going to, but definitely makes the thought more tempting.

I guess maybe I should just work on my core personality. Try to be more open and fun. That’s just a lot more work than just being hypomanic lol