Ok, I’m going to cut the background and try to keep this short, because I’m sure many of you will understand how I’m feeling without even needing an explanation.

I am a university student who has been in therapy for BPD symptoms for over a year. After one long term abusive relationship in highschool characterized by manipulation and abandonment fears, a number of short-lived (month maximum before devaluation or self-sabotage struck) situationships, and significant amount of contemplative self-love and alone time, I finally felt whole enough where I wasn’t looking for a supply of validation in others.
And then, studying in Paris, I meet this guy. And I’ve met a ton of guys but this one is different, almost perfect for me, has my mom and best friend head over heels for him. And he loves me, and he shows it, and he says things I didn’t even know I needed to hear when I’m vulnerable around him. For him I’ve resisted running, splitting, seeing other people on impulse. 
At points, I’ve been terrified of slipping back into that black hole of codependence. At others, I’m almost petrified by the idea that this guy is the one, and I am still very much unwell enough to fuck it all up.
I’m back in America now; he’s still in Paris. I’ve never successfully done long distance. We talk every day and i think it makes it harder. If he gets the job he just interviewed for(very likely, strong candidate with connection) he would move in with me into my apartment for the summer where we will both be studying and working. 
Even once I’ve quieted the fears of abandonment or inadequacy, I notice I’m still uneasy. There are still ways I could ruin this, and I don’t believe I’d deserve another chance if I did. But how does one avoid the boredom? The dread and insecurity? How do I convince myself, without deceiving myself, that I’m healed enough not to fuck it up this time?
I mainly am incredulously appalled at my own audacity to have these doubts even while with such an amazing and caring person. 
Really, I’ve been questioning whether I’m capable, or worthy, of the work required by a healthy relationship. And I can’t get these “what if”s out of my head.
Any words of advice? Anything helps. Just looking to feel less alone.