I fucking hate this. I just want to be normal not stuck in this fucking void. The worst feeling is knowing that i will destroy everything good that will ever come to me and i cant stop myself from doing it. I push people who love me away until they start to resent me and it hurts so fucking bad. Every day it feels like i sink deeper and deeper into this illness. Im so paranoid i cant even make new friends and i cant remember the last time i felt happiness. And now my fp is about to leave me and i dont know wtf to do ugh