Jesus FUCKING christ why am I so painstakingly awkward???? Why does every social interaction exhaust me so much??? Why do I always have to stress for hours beforehand and stress for hours afterwards???? 

I cannot do this. I overthink every word that comes out of my mouth ever. I’m about to lose my mind because this person I was just texting kind of left me on read without acknowedging my message any further even though IT LITERALLY DOESN’T MATTER. It was just a stupid text. Not even about anything remotely important. But small stupid shit like this can destroy me emotionally if I overthink it hard enough.

I hate it here. I want to have relationships but how do I even do it when I overthink EVERY social interaction I ever have?

I also have to get a job soon and it will probably be some kind of service job and the thought of interacting with strangers for hours daily makes me want to die.

Fuck being mentally ill.

Fuck being neurodivergent.

I really wish I could return to monke. I bet every single monkey in the world has better social skills than me.