I have had anxiety for 10+ years now and it’s been getting consistently worse every year. It’s at the point now where I know what i’m worrying about is so ridiculous but I can’t stop thinking about the thing. I repeatedly seek reassurance from my partner that my thoughts are in fact irrational. We even laugh about it when I do it because the things I worry about are SO far fetched and I sound like a broken record because i’ll ask them the same thing over and over but even doing that doesn’t really lessen the feeling of dread inside of me and it doesn’t make my thoughts any slower or less loud. 

For example, I can’t find my hairbrush at the moment. Not a big deal it’s a hairbrush but the way my brain thinks of it is… Hairbrush is lost. It’ll probably turn up, or not because what if someone stole it? It never leaves the house so what if someone took it? They could’ve come in and stole it, idk who would do that because that’s weird…. There’s someone in the house at all times… But what if they did….

Then i’ll end up asking my partner even though I know the answer, “Nobody has stolen my hairbrush have they?” and despite the reassurance I get given that i’m being silly and we laugh about it, the thought will cycle through my brain until I find something else to worry about. 

Another example, I used my phone in a supermarket the other week and then when I got back to the car all of a sudden my passcode wouldn’t work anymore (and I KNOW I was entering it correctly) so I had to completely wipe my phone to get back in to it &amp; then I spent DAYS worrying why that happened and looking out for signs that my phone had been hacked. 

I was already constantly checking my accounts, changing all my passwords multiple times a month, checking my emails for warnings of suspicious activity etc before that happened so I think that’s why that messed with me so badly, played perfectly into my fear of cyber security. 

My question is, what is the difference between anxiety and paranoia? Is paranoia a symptom of anxiety or something else that needs addressing in a different way? I feel like i’m going crazy. It’s never been like this for me before but it feels like it’s getting out of hand. 

I’ve just started SCM therapy but not sure how effective it’ll be for me as a diagnosed avoidant as it’s heavily based on attending group sessions :( 

Ugh. Sad. I hope this isn’t going to be how I think about things forever.