Long-time lurker, trying to find a way out of the void. The past few days have been really hard. This time of year is always hard but these days have come at the end of a long period of consecutive blows to my mental health - over a year. I moved to a new country, broke up with a long-term partner, had a stalker, went into a depression and was prescribed drugs which gave me psychosis, got into a relationship with someone who wasn't deserving of it and ended traumatically. I tried to resolve things with my mother to help myself but ended up having to initiate no-contact because she showed her true narcissist colours and accused me of sleeping with my sister (not true). I spent all my money on weed to keep myself alive over the hardest parts and blew through all of my savings. I have no money. Brexit is looming, we just elected Boris Johnson by a landslide. Mental health resources are inadequate or unavailable.  There are more things. There just hasn't been time for me to catch my breath between any of this.   


What this means in practical terms is that I'm so angry, all the time. My partner has just moved in with me and they although lovely have Aspergers which means that they unknowingly do things that trigger me all the time - at least 2 or 3 times a day. I've gotten quite good at not actually screaming and raging but the feelings are still there and I end up explaining at great length why what happened wasn't good for me, which usually escalates into an argument because I carry on beyond the point . I thought that it was them, not me but it is me. I am one big walking open wound. Everything hurts and so I analyse everything that they do. I've had nightmares every night for the last month. The last few days this has gotten worse to the point where our conflicts result in an almost overwhelming urge to self-harm for me, and an episode of mutism for them. I'm putting this relationship in jeopardy and losing it is a blow I'm not sure I could recover from in this state. I'm used to waiting out the feelings to self-harm, but it's been almost constant for 3 days now. There have been a lot of dark thoughts in my head, a lot of self-hatred. I don't know what to do.