Not having a particularly good week. 

I ran into my ex who is back at his old job, and at first it just startled me, we haven't spoken since I went off on him for dating someone new so quickly and that was.. not pretty.

I had thought "well whatever bet it ruined his day too" but then I started thinking about *why* it could ruin his day, which then spiraled into thinking about what a horrible girlfriend I was. 

I just truly hate how awful I was and I wish i could apologize, which I have absolutely not allowed myself to reach out because I don't want to cause him anymore distress.  I've gone and looked at messages where I've profusely apologized for my behavior, then not long later I see a message of complete rage. I know this feeling of remorse, and I know what's right after. 

So dealing with LOTS feelings of regret, shame and embarrassment this week.