Ever since the pandemic began and I started going out less, I gradually have been losing my ability to socialize. I now no longer leave my house very often, if I leave 2-3 times in one week that’s a really good week for me. 

I no longer talk to any of my friends either, which breaks my heart because I think about them all the time but I get so much anxiety talking to people. I fully stopped responding to literally everyone without explaining my feelings. I even moved states and only told 2 of my friends the week I was leaving. I also barely respond to my family, to a point where they have threatened to call the police for wellness checks. My phone is set to do not disturb 24/7 so I don’t have to face anyone. 

My whole life I have struggled with avoiding things I find difficult, so the longer I don’t talk to someone, the more terrifying it becomes, and I feel so stuck in this cycle. At this point I feel I’ve dug myself so deep I don’t know how to bounce back and live my life and become happy again. I look back at my life before I got to this point and I am so disappointed in who I have become. 

I also want to add that I really don’t like myself because I have been unproductive for years and really struggle with my appearance, and this makes my depression 100x worse. I believe this is a big part of the reason I avoid people, because I’m embarrassed watching my friends living their best lives, achieving their goals, etc, while I’m doing literally nothing. 

I would love to hear advice from anyone who has gone through this or something similar. How do you cope? How do you motivate yourself to change? How do you become in control of your life? Also if you read this all thank you so much for your time, it means a lot. 

TL;DR: I have lost my ability to socialize. I ghosted everyone in my life and that brings me immense sadness, but I feel stuck in this cycle of avoiding people because I have so much social anxiety and so little motivation. I would love advice on gaining control of your own life, and I would love for people to share their similar experiences so I don’t feel so alone.