(WARNING SELF-HARM AND SUICIDE)There is two me. On Sunday, I cut my wrists and I tell myself I'm not strong enough to cut deeper and just end everything. People say that suicide is for the weak ones. But I felt weak. I never thought a person could be weak like that. And I wasn't able to go through with it. I drank a cheap bottle of white wine and after I just cried myself to sleep, asking myself how did I get there ? What did I do to deserve this ? I must have been the shittiest person on earth... Otherwise... Why ?

And there's the other me. Today. Waking up early, making coffee, talking to my mother like nothing happened. Eating. Being... In a good mood ? What the fuck. How can I be in a good mood ? I don't want to see my therapist, I don't want to remember that Sunday I almost tried to kill myself. I just want to listen to good music, play video games, pet my cats... I just... Want to live while it lasts... 

There is two me and I don't know which one is real. I'm almost believing the fuckers saying that BPD ones are manipulative crying adult babies. Am I creating all this mess in my head ? Is this BPD ? Is this schizophrenia ? Or am I just a pathological liar that is lying to herself every day... 