*Posted previously in r/OCD but don't know if was the right place to do so. Don't know if this sub is the right place either but here is my story anyway:*

Hello. I've had OCD, full blown anxiety and mild depression for a solid 5 years now but I've showed signs of them well before that. During all these years my obsessions have taken so many forms that it'd be difficult for me to list them all. It's worth mentioning I've never gotten it treated, no CBT, no SSRIs, nothing. Got it diagnosed by a specialist but never continued therapy nor continued using medication.

For the last year or so, I've developed a fear of being watched. Not exactly fear in the literal meaning of the word but more of a really really uneasy feeling.

One of my strongest obsessions was the fear of developing schizophrenia later in life. I wouldn't have cared that much if my first cousin hadn't been full blown paranoid schizophrenic and if I hadn't used illicit drugs in the past. I'm so so convinced I'm gonna become like her really soon. I constantly compare every action I do to hers and try to avoid her behaviour traits I see in myself as much as possible.

Basically I can't relax anywhere I go because of the CCTV and all the people in the store and on the street. I feel like if I humilate myself everyone'd start laughing at me and possibly record me and I'm gonna become a meme. It's hilarious and quite irrational, I know, but I can't really control it. It sounds borderline delusional. I'm always in fight or flight mode, I constantly avoid eye contact with kids my age to whom I might look silly and who could tease me for some reason. I'm not bad looking but wouldn't consider myself good looking either, just extremely self-conscious and my self-esteem is non existent at times.

A few months ago I masturbated in my room but forgot to shut my blinds properly (or so I thought). Wouldn't have cared that much if there wasn't that huge apartment complex just fifteen meters in front of my room. Sounds insane but I'm ashamed of looking through that window and into the building outside because of the fear that someone might have seen me and I might get blackmailed with a video of me doing my dirty little secret. Not that it couldn't happen if I don't show up on that window too lol.

Recently it has gotten a little bit better maybe because I spend more time with people socializing and maybe because I've started exposing myself to my fears more (no longer keeping my blinds shut all the time and no longer avoiding cameras and stuff) but I still feel that I'm becoming psychotic with each day.

How does that sound to you, does it sound like I'm becoming a schizophrenic? I mean I understand that the chance of the stuff I mentioned happening is quite slim but it still brings me immense amount of anxiety. Any help is appreciated, I'm desperate.