As a kid I always got into arguments over seemingly small insognificant things. It was as if the very mild bullying I endured was just piled on to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore and I'd make an unreasonable outburst. 

Nowadays, if someone's hurt me in the past and I happen to be in a shit mood, they might say or do something and I take it the wrong way (on rare occasions they try do this to me) and I get badly triggered and fuck up yet another friendship.

This happened to my ex (was how I broke up with him...partially, some of the other BPD things and his immaturity and distrust led to it as well). I've been sort of fine for a few months and I've been on edge for a week. Unfriended everyone from FB and deleted it and Snapchat, left all my Discord servers and unfriendes all my steam friends out of paranoia, anger at myself and god knows what else. Wanting to avoid a group of people who hurt me back when I was dealing with my ex (and while I was trying to get a diagnosis on wtf was wrong with me) I refused to rejoin a certain server out of unfounded fear they'd come after me again. My boyfriend and another close friend (who happens to own the server) convonced me to rejoin. No sooner did I rejoin and enter voice, one of the people from that group comes on. His presence striked fear into me and I left again, no one could calm me. Took a day off school on Monday, became a total asshole to my one friend from that group just so he could tell the truth about leaking the shit they were saying to me and trying to tell them to leave me alone. Needless to say I showed my ugly side which is rarely ever seen. I was screaming at my friend, getting him to answer specific questions which was then used against him, accused him of being the selfish one just wanting to save his own hide, etc. At the time I was just angry, terrified of the group and had the mindset that I will get what I want. Needless to say, I was just acting childish. Acting on impulse. Not listening to my mate and being a horrible friend. I'm lucky he's a good person and understands mental illness. 

It's times like these where I'm so scared I'm going to fuck up and lose more friends. I need help. Medication won't do anything on its own... Really hope therapy helps...when I'm finally able to start it. I don't want to lose what few friends I have and the best boyfriend I've ever had jusy because of a series of stupid things I've done...