BPD is literally the worst 

battling unstable identities, fear of rejection and even worse that everyone is going to abandon you, one minute you're happy the next you just wanna fucking end it all, wanting to be alone while simultaneously wanting to be adored and cared for and all you want is to be loved but you wanna push those same people away, wanting to drink a fifth to yourself and chain smoke even tho you quit almost a year ago and you just wanna binge and let go and oh God this is so fucking overwhelming I hate everything!!!!! 

I just want it all to stop :( I just wanna be happy and comfy but I'm a dumb shit and went and reread all my messages from my ex and I saw all the signs of his abuse but I saw all the shitty things I said to him too and I just feel like a monster ugh