Hello,
I'm not sure if this is a BPD trait or if others do this but I would really appreciate some insight into this if possible.

I think about my past a lot. Like, a lot, a lot.
I daydream, have conversations in my head with people and I try to contact people. 

Its like I'm stuck there. Unable to be present. Unable to think about the future.

These people I have not spoken to for some 10 -20+ years.

But throughout my life and especially now, when I feel increasingly unstable, I have tried to find and get in touch with various men from past. Be it ex boyfriends, ex friends or ex sexual partners.

I do not understand why I do it because a lot of them have hurt me, left me or I have bad memories of them.
Still, I actively seek and invite them into my life.

I have no understanding of why.

Does anybody else do the same?
And can anybody help me understand what I am doing and why please?