My partner and I had a rocky relationship from the beginning. So much excitement and also crashing. My mental health made it tricky, but I was working on it in big and meaningful ways. My love, he was not. It seems as though the better I felt, the more he slipped. We would cause each other to fall into old patterns. But there was also so much joy and support, happy memories I will never forget. He went into an psychosis in the summer and never fully had a chance to recover. 2 weeks ago he committed suicide seemingly out of the blue and I am grieving so hard. Because there is BPD affected processing in there, I can feel it. I feel abandoned and confused. Luckily I am on great medication and have a wonderful therapist... but laying in bed I just talk to him, to the walls. I don’t know what else to do. I have no idea how to heal this.