I feel like I've lost it entirely. I'm just so tired and overtaken with such constant anger, anxiety, loneliness, sadness, and shame. And assuming you guys know what I'm talking about, that's a fucking lot to feel at once, right? And with my mind roaming and going to depths that I don't want to go to, I swear I'm going crazy. It's actually so close to possibly killing me. I don't know where to turn, who to talk to, or what to do. 

Drugs and alcohol seem like my only other option other than a more permanent one. And I don't want to go down any of those routes at all if I can help it, but I don't feel like I have a choice in the matter anymore. Mind you, I've been off drugs for eleven months and I stopped drinking just two weeks ago. It's scary to be back in this position again. I don't know what to do. I'm honestly terrified.