So I had a ten-page-minimum book report due last week that is now late. Every week late is another grade off. I told my professor I’m working on it but tbh...I haven’t started it. These past few days have been terrible on my brain just thinking about what I have to do. Ten pages is just *so much* but it has to be that length or it’s an automatic zero...it’s worth almost a fifth of my final grade for the semester and I have to get it in at some point for *some* kind of grade...I don’t even care what that grade is anymore. Anything feels better than a zero.

I tried thinking of a solution, like, designating each page to a 2-hour bracket (20 hours of work split into 10 segments) so that I don’t overwhelm myself thinking about how much work I have to get done, but...every time I think about starting that damn paper my stomach knots up, my body goes cold and my hands start shaking. I can’t believe I’m having this reaction to a *book report*.

I have no idea how I’m going to do this and I’m not expecting any kind of advice so I added the vent flair; I dug my own grave here. I get distracted and keep finding ways to procrastinate so I’m loading my body with caffeine and NSAIDs to ward off headaches so that maybe, just maybe, I can get some work done today. I already feel bad for lying to my professor but I’ve even started considering the “what-ifs” of if I just decide to say “screw it” and just not hand anything in???? 

Idk what to do. Internally I’m panicking and I feel like a failure. I just wanna give up and sleep it off as an escape, but I also wanna muscle thru it and keep going. *I can’t deal*...