I know that I need to manage my feelings better, but I don't do it. Like there's an invisible fence around control of the action. 

I haven't ruled out the possibility that a part of me doesn't want to get better. I'm not saying it would be right, but I'd understand. 

Life is hard. It's unfair too. I'm alone in it. I've isolated myself and focused on all the pain of my past. It haunts me and I indulge it. 

I tell stories about what I will be or what I am, but they're always changing. I'm always changing. Makes me my head spin. 

The only thing that feels true is that someone is trying to harm me. I don't know who, where, or why. Just a fear I feel often. 

It's no small miracle that I've made it this far. I really want to make it further, but I'm running on fumes. 

I hate that I'm self-defeating but the other thoughts feel like lies. I want what I can't have. 

What I'm given I don't want. 

I'm tired.