Im sitting here in my car right now really just shaking writing this i don’t even know what’s happening to me i hate it i hate it i really can’t do this anymore all over the dumbest things like always. This is like my 4th or 3rd split this week, this time it happened because me and my bf (also fp) were just in the car cuddling and smoking, we haven’t hung out in a few days (or had sex in a few weeks) because i keep getting mad at him ... but anyways  we were playing and then i got stuck between the seat, i said “im stuck” then he said “your stuck?” Then immediately started touching me, (he was already  touching me before so that was fine) but then my mind switched to him thinking about porn and that he must be watching that because why else would that be such a fast quick response to touch me. Then i started questioning him about it (we have a no porn policy) saying we haven’t had sex for a while, he must be doing that. And he didnt deny it, just told me im making a big deal. Im really insecure about myself and im super skinny and an a cup, i cant bare the thought of him watching beautiful girls with beautiful bodies get fucked. I had thoughts that first he only came to see me to have sex, and then thoughts that he doesn’t love me and im clearly not enough for him or else why would he do that. I screamed at him to getoutgetoutgeout. i want to seriously end it, i cant stand having a bunch of awful thoughts each day, I haven’t even wrote how bad they can get. Not sure id be able to put them into words. Ive been in my car for 40 minutes sobbing to myself, close to a highway where i can hear all the cars pass by.  Sounds so isolating. I want to tell someone what im feeling but whenever I’ve done that its always been a regret. I wish someone could spend a day inside my head so they could truly understand. I’ve never felt lonelier.