DAE have **extremely** vivid intrusive thoughts? I’m talking like an HD movie reel in your brain 

Sometimes I just have these awful thoughts. They pile on top of each other. I do not choose to feel them or see these images. 

I’ll be relaxing and it’s like my vision shuts off and I see vivid pictures of everything I’m scared of and experience the consequences and the months to years **after** the event I see 

In my brain, I will **be** in the room where my girlfriend is cheating on me. (she doesn’t in real life)
I see it in vivid detail. I see the sweat on her brow. I feel the burning in my chest. I experience being alone for years after the fact. It’s like “life flashing before your eyes.” I *live* my whole life after this thing I’m scared of. 

I see myself in first person in a hospital bed, hooked up to IVs, with a chemo port in my chest. I smell the penetrating smell of isopropyl alcohol and cleaner. I feel my hair fall out and see my family cry and plead as I slowly waste away. I hear the doctor tell me I have weeks at best. I have skin cancer genes and had to have a tumor removed from my arm at the age of 14. My great grandfather died of lymphoma and my grandfather has had skin cancer 3 times 

I got in a crash this summer. I often times can smell the steam of the anti-freeze that I breathed in as it filled the cabin. I can hear the screams of the other driver as they’re stretchered out. I can hear the sirens and the tires screeching and the numbness I felt from adrenaline

Coincidentally, since a young age I’ve always believed I will die in a car crash. I often times zone out and FEEL my head hitting the windshield (in the future, my crash did not injure me before) . Blood dripping down the dashboard. I see the red lights of the ambulance flashing behind me. 

Sometimes I hear something fall down downstairs and I see myself running down and finding my father clutching his chest with a heart attack. His cholesterol is terrible 

Every time my mom calls I see myself picking up and this call being the one where someone in my family dying. I see, and experience, in the same way, the years after losing a family member. 

These thoughts are more vivid than anything I’ve ever experienced. It LITERALLY is like they are projected over my eyes. It happens most when I have panic attacks, like a slideshow of all the things I’m most scared of 

It’s way different from just “what if?”