Hi, tomorrow (30th of June) is my birthday (22f).. my actually first birthday that I could enjoy fully. I had plans of going out to a sweet shop (since I was never allowed to go as child) with my wife but I just found out I'm going to work overtime and I'm not even going to be with my wife whole day as she's working from morning until 3pm and I'm starting 3pm until approximately 3am of next day. 

I know we can go out other day, but you can see how special is this day, since they're my first birthday without my toxic family. For some people can be this just stupid thing, but means a LOT for me.

Now, when I found out we are not going to be able to enjoy it as I planned and wished and as I was promised, and I'm not going to be with my wife which I love more than myself (she is also my FP, she knows about it), I dropped into strong depression (thank you BPD), I'm furious, I'm sad and worse thing is I've urge to hurt myself really bad (being clean for over year, so I know if I lost fight with this urge, it's going to be serious)

I'm over the border because of work, so I can't call my doctor, and my social insurance is not enough to cover hospitalization. Please.. please, do you know anything that could help me get through this without any harm? I'm home alone and I'm really helpless and scared.