Its the only way for me to feel happy. I am such genuenliy happy and generally carefree right now. Everything is going to be fine. But it scared me at the same time. On both sides of my family, there are alcholics. My father (imo) drinks too much. his father (my grandfather) is an alcoholic and got multiple strokes because of drinking and diabetes. My grandmas brother was an alcoholic. My other grandfathers brother was an alcoholic. 

I wish i had a normal life, i wish i was loveable.