WARNING: I MENTION SUICIDE.



I can't even function anymore. All I want is love. Having this means love is exactly what I shouldn't have. Two friends, almost no family and I lose love interests instantly after they realize I'm not worth it. I'm convinced it will never get better. I have no more hope.none. at 27 I'm ready to call it quits permanently. I just can't keep going like this...I've had this condition early as I remember. I live in a neighborhood that avoids me, women especially. People literally cross the street when they see me. I'm so damn broken. Absolutely NO self esteem of any kind and when I look in the mirror I get the impulse to bash my head on it or 🔪 myself. I've blocked out a lot of my childhood probably as a trauma response.

In kindergarten I remember having temper tantrums. My whole life I've had this and just got diagnosed this year. The constant rejection has made me volitile and I think of murder and suicide often. People say I should unlife myself before hurting other people . That being said, does this life sound worth living? I don't have much support. Mother gaslit me to oblivion. Used to make fun of me for having temper tantrums. Dad was emotionally absent but financially there. 

Now I'm 27 and beyond repair.. it seems like the only way. I'm tired of uncontrollably crying at 5 am and being suicidal, the pain is so great... wanted to get another opinion. I've heard many people say I should unlife myself if I'm wanting to hurt others.... Try being isolated for years and ignored by a whole neighborhood while living alone, with nothing but your self hate and thoughts to guide you. Then living through the pandemic also alone. Needed another opinion as I truly feel there's nothing here for me anymore. I wanted to reach out and get a non tainted prospective. Hopefully I don't get taken down again. Thanks I'm advance.