 I've had a bad case of anxiety and it's kind of put everything on hold. I sleep at around 9am wake at 5PM. I get up I draw or watch youtube and then the cycle repeats. I have no proper schedule in tact. No job barely any money, most of the time im convinced I'm dying of something terrible, battling with my anxiety to see the doctors but knowing under the anxiety that there is nothing wrong and that I'm perfectly fine. 

I started to upload more pictures of my body  because of the mole on my tummy. In my head I think if anything is wrong with it people will notice. I  realised that I cant wear corsets with it because its raised and always has been ever since I was little.  I spend a lot of time making my anxiety worse with Google.

 I'm fighting with my mum about my trans issues. I'm wondering if I can be the female sub and play this role when I know in my head I'm a boy. I disconnect from the pictures on my profile and pretend there not mine.

I keep thinking I'm dying so my lack of care isnt there and i keep saying to do something reckless because if I'm dying my time is up anyways. I dont know at all when or if I'll go back to my seasonal job. 

I want to start transitioning because I feel like I want to tear my skin to pieces and I hate my current pronouns, my name and my voice. 

I cant slip into my little agere headspace because I'm so anxious and it just feels forced. I'm lonely and sad and scared a lot. I overthink and feel like my days are number. 

I honestly would take my depression over my anxiety because at least when I'm depressed I dont fear dying or serious illness. When I'm depressed I dont care about anything