I dont know why but I keep telling people how I feel yet I dont think they understand the gravity of my emotions. This is my first post on reddit. Hoping people on here would understand. I really am trying to get better. I even tried the whole religion thing. But yesterday, when my doctor told me she would be lowering my dose for my anti-depressants, I dissociated. idek the correct term but it felt like I was alone against the whole universe. Is this what "getting better" feels like? It honestly feels like shit. Life is STILL shit. No matter what I do Im still going to end up here. Crying, unable to do things, hurting myself and hurting others in the process. I dont remember exactly how I got here but less than 24 hrs later I cut myself. The cuts were small compared to what Ive done before. But only because I felt guilty. My mom has been working her ass off to keep me alive and yet here I am. A huge fucking dissapointment. I shouldve just accepted that life is shit. It wont get any better than this.