I'm done with others. I have gone for too many years doing the same process, over and over and over again. 
1) meet person 
2) find similarities 
3) become close friends 
4) spend more time with them 
5) apparently spend too much time with them 
6) apparently talk to them too much and vent to them too much 
7) they say we take a break 
8) I get pissy 
9) we take break anyways 
10) I do something stupid trying to replace them 
11) get consequences 
12) another break 
13) lose friend 
14) repeat

I'm done with it. It's my time now. Maybe this is my "manic phase" I have every once and a while. Who cares? I don't! It's my time. I focus on me. 

I don't have to hurt anyone. There's no need to. I don't have to be mean, get revenge, make things right, or anything that involves those who support me or those who don't. This isn't about them. I don't have to worry about what is going to happen to me. 

Life is full of variables. There are few things I control, my emotions (usually) being one of them. But I can block out toxic relationships, and work on things 'I' want to work on.


Today is the day I begin to kill off my previous self. I know it will come back, and it will fight harder than ever, but I will win. My obsession with others, my desire for attention, all of it. It won't happen overnight, and I don't expect it to happen within a week or even months time. But it will. This is the end of my self torturing ways and the beginning to a better life. 


At the very least, I hate fixing myself. It hurts like nothing else. There is pure torture in forcing myself to forgive others and forgive myself. If nothing else, I can rely on my self harming ways and pain myself by getting better. This strategy has worked before, and I know it will work again. 



Thank you for reading.