I hate days like today. I feel like my friends are avoiding me. I know this is not healthy thinking and it's a Monday...people are busy. I've tried calling many of them and nobody wants to answer. I've seen many of them posting stuff on Facebook since I called, but they haven't returned my calls.

I don't know why I get these irrational thoughts. This weekend...I had lots of friends wanting to make plans and hang out! I went to the club and saw lots of people I knew...and they would say "let's hang out Wednesday" or "let's go out to eat on Monday." But, out of curiosity to see if they remembered, I text them today and one says "fuck I switched my work schedule...sorry" and the other hasn't even texted back six hours later.

The sad thing is...I did this exact same thing yesterday to three people. I had brunch plans with one, was going to a day event with the other, and told another one to watch The Walking Dead at my apartment that evening. Instead, I ended up too hungover to get out of bed and if I had tried to do any of it, my anxiety would have been too much. I feel like a hypocrite.

How do some of you get over this feeling of feeling like everyone is angry at you? This is not a constant feeling I have. It's the stupid "validation" aspect of BPD and I hate it. I feel unwanted when I know it isn't true, but that feeling is undeniable. I start sending friends random messages with small talk like "how are you today" just to hear back, but it makes me feel worse when I don't get any response. Then, other days...it's opposite, I get overwhelmed when multiple people want to hang out and just avoid it all together. &gt;_&lt;