For the past three years my life feels so empty and without any reason to keep on going.
I (m19) suffer from severe depression, sleep deprivation and Asperger autism. I really struggle to concentrate at work and I’m failing all my classes. Idk man I feel so burned out from all the learning I have to do. My boss doesn’t seem to care that much about my mental health, even when I speak about it on a personal level. He always talks to the employees of my age, while he never wants to talk to me due to my failing grades. I already realised that he gives a fuck about me and I hope he burns in hell for that.

I just wanna lay in bed and never wake up. I’m already on sick leave for four weeks due to my depression and nobody at work cares about the fact, that im “gone“. Every day I consume a cocktail of meds to help me in all of this shit and I hope that one day, I just overdose and fucking fall over.

My friends don’t know of my depression and I’m not really a fan on telling them, knowing exactly that they don’t understand. My dad and my stepmom are the only ones I have any real contact with. My stepmom doesn’t get what’s wrong with me. She just always tells me i should just “get over it and go to work”. She is really scared that I lose my job and that I have to start all over again. My father is much better in this, struggling with some mental health problems himself. But he seems too scared to really talk with me, which is understandable I guess.

I visit the doctor every week for a month now. I’m happy to talk to her, because she seems to understand my situation and my feelings better than anyone else. I already called a few therapist in my region, but all of them are booked for the next few months.

I don’t really care anymore. All I got left is my girlfriend. We don’t see each other anymore, due to her working in another City. I’m just so empty and I feel like a lifeless shell. I think one day I’ll snap and they find me dead on the floor, overdosing on meds… I just don’t care anymore…