i will try to be concise about this:
1. I have social anxiety and I look weird/unconventional and I have been described as creepy lookin in the past. This isnt fixable by makeup tbh. It has somethjng to do with bone structure.
2. I try really hard to be normal, to be pleasing, friendlier than I naturally am, diligent, people-oriented because everyone here leans towards extroversion. Ive been subconsciously curating an image for people around me so theyll accept me.
3. Whenever I do find the time to "be" myself, I dont really know who I am anymore. I dont enjoy reading as much as I did a year ago. 
Im chronically bored as hell and if my soul had a color right now itd be super fucking grey. 
4. Im trying to like what others like- tiktok, parties, food etc but idk everything seems so tasteless boring just absolute no fun for me idk what fun is anymore. And because one of my coworkers laughed at me for using reddit I feel like such a loser. 

5. I cannot even cry. Thats the worst fucking part. I want to move to another dimension where i am happy amd i am not forced to like think about stuff like jobs and marriage I want to rest like for good. Im sorry I m all over the place i bet this post isnt really that articulate but I would really like to have some time to myself and recharge and not have to pretend to be like everyone else :(