Tldr at bottom because this is long.

 I live with my bf of 5 years, two adult younger brothers, two dogs, and two cats.

But I can't cope with it and I regret that I have relationships at all. I wish I was alone and I didn't have to worry about others. There's a lot of guilt because my boyfriend had the brunt of responsibility, especially financially.

My dog barks incessently and I wish I could give her to someone else because I've tried training her but it doesn't work. I end up screaming at her and having bad breakdowns. I hate being at home because of this. I wish I hadn't kept her as a puppy. A lot of people will just say I need an obedience trainer or to train her a different way but it's not a simple fix. I have no money for obedience classes and as a mentally ill person I'm not very capable of being patient and consistent. I love her and she loves me. We also kept one of her siblings from birth and they're inseperable and my boyfriend doesn't agree with her leaving.

One of my brothers just started living with us. I was doing really well mentally for a few months and he has a severe and debilitating develomental disorder that limits his cognitive abilities. I was doing amazing caring for him. He can eat and wash himself and basic things like that on his own, but he can't do things like get groceries or go to doctor appointments. I was doing so well in the first two months he lived with us that I was even teaching him a bit of french and journaling with him every day. Now I'm annoyed and feel stuck helping him, but I know he has nowhere else to go. One of the onyl reasons he was able to live with us is that he gets a monthly living allowance so at lwast he has his own money. He will clean sometimes but only if prompted. I feel guilty for asking him.

My other brother has lived with us for some years but he struggles to keep a job. He hasn't paid rent and has no where to go. He's kind of a jerk and we used to get into a lot of fights. I wasn't very kind to him at tomes either but I was scared he'd end up homeless or in jail and invited him to live with us. We've had to force him to get a job my making sure he sends out resumes but then he'll turn down interviews. He's had a few jobs but then he'll get fired or layed off for being incompetent. He just started going to therapy but I'm not sure if it'll help him get a job. 

Thw worst part is that I have an amazing boyfriend of five years. Kind, funny, incredibly intelligent, everyone lovea him. I don't know what he sees in me. He's seen me at the lowest of lows and I worry he feels stuck with me or obligated to care for me but he never admits it when I ask. He's covering the cost of one of my brothers rent and food. We've kept track and it's cost us thousands of dollars every few months. My brother doesn't cook or clean and sometimes gets angry if we ask. He's reallt entitled and gets frustrated when we don't cook him supper.

My boyfriend has very strong family values and thinks we ahould all eat together. He almost always cooks and does most of the cleaning on to of a full time job.

I had a job for a while but then I started having some sort of weird health issues that haven't been diagnosed yet. I've seen a neurologist and gotten some tests done and am talking to my doctor tomorrow. I may not get a diagnosis for 6 months. I had to quit my job and turn down an open spot in a college course. I recieve $600/month for employment insurance so at least theres that. I can't clean much. If I have a good day then I try to get as much as I can done but even then it's not a lot and sometimes my health suffers.

But I wish I hadn't done all this. I wish I hadn't kept my dog. I wish I didn't date my boyfriend. I'm glad I got my disabled brother out of a neglectfully abusive home but I wish I wasn't the one who had to be his guardian.

I have no family to help me out. I wish I could just kill myself but I know it would just cause more issues for everyone. Maybe thats selfish of me to stay alive. Im causing everyone issues anyways so if I die at least there'd be more money and no one screaming all the time. Maybe my boyfriend could find someone healthy to date. My disabled brother could maybe live at a home. It would suck but at least he'd never have to worry about groceries and there'd always be someone to take him where he needs to go.

After two years of therapy, I haven't been able to stop having temper tantrums. I hate being at home and I constantly wish I was dead. I don't know why I haven't killed myself. I don't know what to do to get better and be able to be happy and useful.

Tldr. I get angry and have breakdowns a lot. I hate living. Been in therapy 2 years and had one dbt class. I just started getting physically ill and lost my job in June. I live with my amazing boyfriend of 5 yrs but I feel like I'm ruining his life. My dog barks a lot and I scream at her and have breakdowns due to it. I love her and my boyfriend won't let me give her away. Two of my brothers live with me. One has a monthly government check and is severely cognitively disabled. He can wash and eat for himself but Im supposed to take care of him with doctor appointments and other things and can't because of depression and physical illness. The other wont clean or pay rent and is honestly a douchebag but may end up homeless or in jail without our help. I feel like I can't kill myself but that I will never recover, get a job, go to school, or be worthy of my boyfriend. 

Can anyone tell me how long it took thwm to improve? What helped? Has anyone had similar struggles with their siblings or significant other?