Just went through a really sad episode and now I just feel like doing whatever I want. I feel weirdly free and like I can just do anything and I'm excited and I just kinda want to make crazy choices and risk and do everything and stuff just to feel and at this point I don't even care if I get really sad because I realized that I think I'd rather keep feeling my emotions to the far far extremes and be "unstable" basically than go back to being depressed and numb. Scared this feeling won't last because it never does, but basically I'd rather be hurt or take risks because of emotions than not have any or be "stable" if that makes any sense. Usually I feel like having to feel everything so intensely is the worst thing but right now I honestly feel like that's better than what the alternative is for me which is just being low and feeling nothing. Sorry this is very rambly but I feel really energized and I want to talk to someone about it and I need an outlet but i can't.