21 year old senior in college (SDSU). In terms of responsibilities I am excellent. I get good grades, I pay my bills on time, i exercise regularly, I am not in debt ($10K savings), and so on. However:

I feel like I am mentally ill. I feel out of control when I overthink, like my irrational thoughts create my reality and takes over, kills my confidence, and or scares me out of taking action. I always imagine others looking down on me or talking shit about me, even when it’s not true. My thoughts control my emotions which affect me physically. I constantly feel like my friends judge me in a negative way when they don’t. Every mistake I make or everything I do I imagine what others would think of me, especially my close friends. This causes a lot of trouble in my life because I avoid them due to bad anxiety. For example. I feel like my most of closest friends and most strangers I interact with don’t like me even when it’s not true. This causes me to imagine them judging me for all the things I do or am. As a result I subconsciously have trust issues when I’m around them. Example: I meet up with my close friends to hangout, but I get super bad anxiety. My heart races, and my flight or fight response triggers. I know this is wrong but I can’t help it so I turn bright red in the face. This causes me to overthink and feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me. I can’t control my thoughts or actions. I start moving unnaturally or freeze. At this point I’m super nervous, my face is red, and I end up looking super irritable/mad because I can’t control myself. I start zoning out and avoid eye contact with everyone. I become super fidgety or I lock my eyes on my phone mindlessly scrolling and trying to not lose my composure. I irrationally think that the people around me have a problem with me which makes me avoid them and become reserved while looking mad. My mouth shuts super tight like I am annoyed or angry when I’m not. All of this makes me look like either a douchebag or a nervous weirdo. I feel really bad because it kills the vibe. What’s going on here? I wanna know why I get so nervous around my closest friends. I care about them a lot and enjoy their company but my anxiety is causing me to act up and ruin everything.  This happens around strangers too but I don’t get half as nervous. I feel isolated when I’m around my friends and I don’t join in their conversations cause I get too nervous, which makes it seem like I don’t care what they are talking about or them. I can’t even stand with them and listen to what they’re saying because I get so nervous that I tense up and look super pissed.  I can see them feel super uncomfortable and either avoid me and avoid eye contact or look at me either annoyed or scared or walk away. I feel like I might have social anxiety or adhd or something cause i feel like I’m going in the wrong direction cause I feel wrong in the head due to my inability to conversation physically. I can easily do it online. I can’t seem to interact with people in a social and fun way without being super tense. I come off as an arrogant serious guy who’s always mad and moody with no ability to relax or a super shy and nervous kid. I also come off as cold and emotionless when I’m anxious. I feel like my happiness is outside of me. I feel like I can only trust my family and be normal around them. All of this is making my friends actually question me and judge me, and not like me a little bit. Maybe my other problems can tie together an idea of what’s wrong.

- I look down on myself a lot in terms of social standing 
- I zone out easily. I can’t sit and watch movies. I can’t have a conversation without zoning out. 
- I pass on fun plans with friends cause I can’t control my behavior or thoughts around them even though I wanna go. It makes them feel like I don’t like them.
- I constantly judge myself in third person or through the eyes of my best friends which makes me lose trust.
- I can only relax around my friends when I’m drunk. If not I’m mostly tense.
- I lost my confidence. I feel unmotivated. I haven’t really accomplished much in life. 
- I gamble very often, and when I lose i get emotional and start worrying about money. Sometimes it causes frustration , depressed mood , sadness , and feelings of wasted time. 

I know this is a lot to take in, but I would ally apprEciate it if anyone could provide their thoughts on what might be wrong.