I used to have panic attacks severely in highschool, well from 6-16 and then they just stopped. I still had anxiety but no panic attacks. They were like my brain was convinced I was out of time and going to die if I didn’t do something. And I would hallucinate something violent people coming after me. I remember I was on lorezepran  or whatever it’s called for them, but had to stop due to a suicide attempt using those pills.

I also had to be hospitalized a few times because the pills didn’t work and I was inconsolable and scared to death. They drugged me to pieces.

Flash forward to now. I have severe anxiety but haven’t had an attack in a while. I have them in a dream once a year since then I feel like. But a few days ago I got a email from my local rescue that I foster for, and they said puppies we’re going to be killed they needed help. I just wanted to help. I took on two. As soon as I said yes my chest started hurting a little. But I just kept up with it cuz I have anxiety so what. But the first night with them, they barked and cried all night long, to the point where I slipped into a panic attack and now 3 days later it hasn’t ended. 

The first few hours I was shaking and crying and trying to talk myself out of it like I always do. It was everything about dying but the hallucination. My partner tried so hard to calm me down but he couldn’t. I finally called my mom and drove home, and tried taking a diazapam, something I had from a previous er visit. It didn’t do anything and I was still in such a panic my mom took me to the er after a few more hours of trying to cope with it. They gave me a shot of Adavan, that didn’t work, and then discharged me in a matter of 2 hours. When my mom complained about them not helping me the dr said there’s was nothing more he could do and that’s he gave me the shot for my body weight. 

That was 2 days ago, each morning I wake up thinking it will be gone but it’s not, and I’m scared and it’s started to drive me insane…. Literally, like scream and punch myself insane. I don’t know what to do. The er dr pre lorezepran but it doesn’t work. I’m suffering and scared. 

Someone is supposed to take the dogs any day now but they might have paro so they have to wait. I have to keep them until them. My mom is helping so much , I feel so bad. I don’t know how to break this. My normal tactics arent working.