I have enough I cant live like that anymore.. It got worse and worse over past years to the point i dont want to wake up cause Im waking up scared and anxious and feeling actual pain inside in my body which I know is emotional. I tried to explain it to mt family they dont understand how it is possible. I just back home from far and in here I'm experiencing it as that its even stronger than when i was living and working abroad. So after my father died on cancer, everything seems to be worse in here. Everyone is more neurotic and nervous, but this place always dragged me down. I was always feeling more suicidal being in family home. I know that they need me there for sometime and my mother was left alone. But I suffer here so much, I dont know why and dont know what to do about it, its like waking up with a knife in my chest everyday. How long can you live like this? I dont even have many friends in this place. What helps for the pain? Onlt for a while its alcohol that brings so much peace but i avoid it as much as i can. I hate xanax which also helps for a while but i feel even more depressed after it. So i wish i could drink alcohol to feel normal everyday but i dont want to become alcoholic obviously thats why im suffering and suffocating everyday. Sory for long post