Hi sorry I just wanna share apparently no one in my family believes me. Firstly, I hate everything about myself. I feel dirty I hate it so much. I just felt disgusted with myself. last time, whenever I feel disgusted with myself I will cut myself or hit my head super hard or choke mySelf. I have stop doing that. However, right now I feel the need to do  so. 

I had beg my mum to bring me to see a psychiatrist but she don’t believe in such thing as she believes that I’m acting like this because I didn’t pray. Once my mum found a pen knife under the pillow, instead of asking are you okay she said are you crazy what’s wrong with you. I just wanted to die at that point.

In the past, I decided to visit a psychiatrist using my money as I had a job. However, I only went once but stop due to lack of money as I quit the job due to feeling overwhelmed and scared. My mum and dad refused to acknowledge that there is something wrong with me. Instead, they keep bringing me to see an exorcist. Not once but a lot of time during my lifetime. Honestly it doesn’t help. 

I had kept this feeling and this topic to myself only.