Me and my bf got into a fight earlier over text. It was about something that I admit was my fault, I went to a friend’s place to hang out and my ex happened to be there. However, it’s been over 3 years since we broke up and I’m completely over him. His new gf was there too. 

But I know how my bf reacts about that sort of thing, and I didn’t tell him. Which I realize is my fault. We’re in a LDR and he has my messenger password so I guess he saw my messages with my friend. My friend texted me the next day about how it was fun hanging out with me and my ex and everyone else. 

Well this morning the first message I saw from my bf was him asking “tell me the truth, did you hang out with your ex”. Then I said I’m so sorry and I explained the above, how I wasn’t alone with him and it was just at a mutual friend’s place and how his gf was there too. 

Then my bf said how he “needs time and spaces to think”. And idk. I could just feel myself split completely. 

I just said “well if you’re going to break up with me, do it now. I hate waiting.” And some other choice words. And honestly, in that moment I meant them. I still feel like I mean them. I felt so overwhelmed and the need to never be abandoned again just really got me. I’d rather run away and cut off someone I thought I loved than ever feel abandoned again. 

He ended up apologizing and saying he overreacted, but idk if he means it. And honestly, I still feel the intense emotions rn. I really want to break up with him now to avoid ever feeling like this again, but I feel like I’ve invested so much into this relationship already. 

I’m just so scared. I don’t want to be broken up with again. It sends me in a downward spiral. I don’t know if I can make it, I have so many things coming up in my life. I would rather break off from them myself and avoid feeling abandoned. 

Does anyone else react like this?