I’ve been feeling really good for a week or so then something snapped this morning. I’ve felt kind of on edge though. This morning was just like any other, woke up and ran, came home, got ready for class, and was ready to walk out the door. That’s when I went to pick up my book bag and realized the zipper is broken. I could feel myself freaking out but stayed in control, I have another bag and went to get that. I couldn’t find it and began to really freak out, I could feel my blood boiling by this point. I went all around the house, ripping things apart looking for it. Texted my mom begging her to tell me where it is. She told me she didn’t know so I called her and started ranting about how she always moves my stuff and throws stuff I need away, screaming at the top of my lungs. By this point I’m covered in sweat stomping room to room, checking places I’ve already checked and still screaming on the phone. She did the right thing snd hung up. Turns out it was in a box in the one room I didn’t check. I feel like shit now and am pretty ashamed. There seems to be times like this where I’m just one minor inconvenience from exploding. I hate it. I have no control over it. It seems to line up to before major manic episodes, but I also feel I tell myself that to make me feel better. Maybe I’m just a shitty person. Idk. But it does feel like my body goes into fight or flight. This time my heart rate got all the way up to 150, so it is genuine distress. I just don’t know it it’s my bipolar causing it and if there’s anything I can do to curb it.