I have no hobbies or real interests. I work, go home, smoke weed and sometimes have my boyfriend over. We lay in my bed and watch Netflix. Then get up the next morning and repeat. 

On my days off I do pretty much the same thing. I don't have hobbies or activities that I like to do. When I get tired of Netflix and browsing reddit I just lay in my bed feeling lonely and ruminating over all the shit happening in my life. 

Or I impulsively engage in destructive behavior, lately spending money I definitely don't have.

I want an outlet for my feelings, and a way to pass time that is healthy. Something I can use when people ask me to tell them about myself. Something I can actually identify with.

I have a hard time starting something, because I know I'm going to fail when I start and that demotivates me from actually trying. 

The things I have tried or done in the past I just feel like they don't describe me and I don't fit in with others who engage in it. For example, I'm scared of doing art because 1. I'm not good at it and 2. Because I would never describe myself as an "artsy" person. I don't belong to the group of creative people who make art. I'm not one of them so I'm invading that group by trying to copy them. I'm fake.

 The people around me all have things they do that are a part of who they are. Answers when someone asks them to tell them about themselves. Stuff to keep them busy. I don't. I don't get to have fun. I just have to be lonely and sad and boring and uninteresting. It's amazing I even have a boyfriend with how insanely boring I am.

I just wish I could jump into something and really feel like I'm allowed to do it.

The only thing I can say about me is that I'm fucked up. And even then I think I'm faking it. I dont know who or what I am.