I have friends, a relative social life. Closer of them ar border as me. With one of them I got high on shrooms and I told them most darker thing about me. And I know some shits about them. Problems comes with love life. Everytime when I fall for someone I become insecure and needy as fuck! When I get rejected anxiety get over me and end harassing them online, like begging for being loved and shit.  I really recent discovered I'm border. And I heared many people advicing other people to avoid relationship with border people. Sometime I thing I a should even bother to try to get a love-lasting relationship. But even then I don't know how to cope witb. being single for the rest of my life. Only time when I got at peace with this shit was after I took shrooms, but even that was just for two months, after I had a dream of a previous crush/obsession and anxiety got over. I past over her, but last month I started again to speak to a lady , border as well, we got well until anxiety got over me, and thing got as last time. She didn't want hear about me again. And now after a relative stolen money from me, I feel like shit. I feel like I end to keep negative people in my live, but people I wish to be with end pushing them over.  This thing is shitty. I wonder if there really is person who can get and accept me. If there is a person I can be real with? If there will be a person who doesn't run by me. Yes I am impulsive,  I'm scared by my violent emotions, I'm scared to don't be violent as my father ( I have feeling he also could be border and is a shitty person). 
Honestly I like kids, but don't want kids to don't traumatise them, exchange I really want someone to live until the end. Is this possible to me? Now I am in therapy I just started three weeks ago. Does help me, I mananged to make a schedule, to be a little more proactive. But even so, after that person who was like me, who understood my feeling didn't accept me, I feel like shit. Empthy inside and alone. Is there hope for me? Even for me? If not, how can focus on something different than relationships in manner to be happy and motivated?