It feels so shitty. I know it'll take a long time to get over a 7 year relationship. But god damn every time I legitimately feel like I'm over it. Something happens and I just break down and feel terrible. I'm also so damn jealous it's easier for him than me, but it's not his fault--I have BPD which makes it so intense.

God I don't know. It's so frustrating. I look at our similarities then I focus on everything different and incompatible, I guess kind of to push it away or make me almost dislike him. But it doesn't work and this situation repeats. Sometimes I still can't accept that it's over and think maybe there's hope. I want him to get in another relationship, I know it'll fucking hurt and I won't be able to handle it, but maybe then it'll kick in that I need to move on and nothing will get better.

I mean, at least I'm not going out and sleeping with tons of people as a result like some people do. I actually feel the opposite, that I want to be me and by myself and would love to be single the rest of my life. But this whole situation makes it so damn hard.