TW: self harm  


Recently my symptoms have been flaring up with a full-blown meltdown the other day and it's got me feeling like I'm held in bondage. I just can't control these impulses, it feels like it's not even me. I was telling my therapist it feels like the stereotypical drunk father/husband coming home and taking out his frustrations on his family, who are utterly powerless to the abuse.

Like I self harm, I don't want to, and I know I shouldn't, but it feels like this whole other person is running the show when it happens and I'm having an episode. I'm just left to endure the abuse I throw at myself.  I hate it but I keep doing it because that other part of me likes it.  


idk maybe im just a really dysfunctional gemini