I don't know where to post this. I am 25 year old female and have been talking to a guy for a while and we both know we really like each other and want to be together in a relationship when circumstances allow. He knew I liked him for over 6 months and always showed he cared about me and will always be my friend before he ever initiated anything flirty or sexual between us (sexting) and he was always respectful and asked permission and never made me do anything I was not comfortable with.

I was flattered and felt really good after the first time it happened, and we both tried initiating again but I am having conflicting feelings. Part of me feels so confident and empowered and I want to continue exploring this part of our relationship, but another part of me feels like a whore and that I shouldn't have done it and that it's wrong for me to have enjoyed it or wanted it. I think I have internalized shame when it comes to sex. We don't talk about it in my house at all (I still live with my parents) and I was raised on "wait until marriage." I am also still a virgin and this is the first time I have ever done anything like this. I was really nervous and didn't really know how to act. I also have really bad social anxiety and am paranoid that he was taking advantage of me, even though I trust him and I know he cares about me too.

But I also think he has mixed feelings too. He apologized after the first time initiating it because he thought he overstepped my boundaries or made me uncomfortable and he didn't want me to think that was all he was after. He said he felt "terrible" and that I deserved better, and I told him how I felt conflicted too, and he assured me he wasn't taking advantage of me, just flirting. He said he shouldn't have done it and he feels bad too.

I want to be able to move past these conflicting feelings about it because I don't want things to feel weird anymore. I don't know how to approach it mentally or how to talk about it more with him. I have not told anyone else either.