I feel like every day i’m inching closer to suicide. Im so misunderstood, and I just want to be left alone but no matter what I do in life im constantly getting fucked with. By my job, by my family, by my friends, by random strangers. 

I want to lock myself in a room and never come out. I feel like I don’t belong, and this world was most definitely not made for me. Everyone I see functions just fine to the point that they make it look easy. 

I’ve been struggling for so long now. I just don’t know what to do anymore… 
Im at a loss. I don’t want to exist anymore. Nothing good ever happens to me. 

Worst part is I know how much of a coward I am, and I probably wouldn’t even get suicide right and i’d just be stuck with an even worse existence. Im 1000% sure I want to die but even that is too much for me to handle. I’m just waiting to be hit by a car or murdered, or slip and fall off a cliff. My whole life i’ve just been waiting to die. 

Nothing I do helps, and most people in my life make it worse. Nobody understands. Fuck I don’t know how to exist anymore. 

I’ll probably just delete this post in 20 minutes too like I always do because I just feel like an idiot for feeling this way but I can’t get it to stop…