I hate when it's time to go to sleep, I hate laying awake and dialing the mental payphone as I've done many times over and over... being bombarded by memories, or by the thought that I'm too old to fix my life (26) I hate thinking about how I have nobody in my life to talk to, or how things that happened in my childhood fucked me over, or how I missed out on core memories because I didn't have friends growing up, I've never done normal social activities like go out with a group or go to a party.

Every minute that passes, another layer of fuck up is added and I just feel like hitting myself in the face over and over or bitting myself while desprately resisting the urge to kill myself. I just lay there paralyzed waiting till the point of exhaustion and hoping that I get atleast 4 hours of uninterupted sleep. I fill with anger thinking I JUST NEED TO DO SOMETHING RIGHT, but there is so much wrong that even if you fix 10 of them the wrongs still outweight the rights. Honestly, I've been spending alot of time hoping that something major happens that halts humanity or that we all get whipped out, because then the fail of a life I've had won't matter.