“ i have lost most of my friends because i am too much to handle or something. i had this one argument with one of my best friends and for some reason all i wanted to do was push all her buttons to purposefully push her to suicide and i don’t even know what stopped me. and it sounds horrible but its true. and then a week went by of us not speaking and she hadn’t attempted (to my knowledge) or died and it made me feel so unloved and hurt. like she thinks she has bpd yet she wasn’t sooo affected by leaving me that she killed herself? i clearly didn’t mean that fucking much then. “