So I just wanna clarify first of all I’m not self-diagnosing. I work in healthcare myself and have cautiously worked out that I think I have BPD.
I relate very heavily to a lot of the signs of BPD, and am in the process of seeking further support. 

Anyway, to the point of the thread:

I have a very good friend who I know cares about me a lot. I guess with the way I feel towards her you could argue that she would be my FP. 
I’ve been warming up to trying to speak to her about what I think is going on with me, but it never seems to work out for one reason or another. The last time it was because I said I was worried about speaking to a doctor about something, and she said “maybe it’s better speaking to a stranger” and in my own fucked up mind I took that as her not wanting me to tell her anything. 

Fast forward to today and I mentioned to her that life wasn’t being particularly kind to me at the moment, with the intention of talking to her about stuff. She asked what was wrong and like a complete tool I freaked out and went with “nah you don’t want me to answer that so I won’t” 
Anyway the reply I got was “if I didn’t want to know I wouldn’t ask, but it’s fine I’m not up for that game today” 

Now I’m stuck. Does she honestly think I’m playing a game? Does she know somethings not right and that I’m skirting around the subject? Is she generally just getting sick of me? 

I can’t decide what to do, part of me wants to just write a well thought out message about what I think is happening to me, part of me thinks I should just walk away and do this on my own.