Life is so monotonous. Full of routine. Not thinking for myself. In love with someone who doesn’t love me back. Afraid to lose my grip on school. Dead end job. I don’t know what to do with my life. I feel like every time my life seems to be going somewhere, I get depressed for almost no reason and I just want to lay in bed all day. I stay awake until 4 in the morning and wake up at 7 everyday. I don’t want to go back to sleep because I have vivid nightmares often. I can’t get out of bed though and lately I feel like everything I do is the wrong thing. I want to quit my job . I want to just lie here and die. I wish there was a way I could kill myself that wasn’t painful. I don’t own a firearm thankfully, because that provides an easy escape route, and knowing how impulsive I am with my spending habits, I’m sure if I did own one I’d be dead already. I don’t want to live anymore if it’s this constant depression for the rest of my life. I fucking hate waking up teary eyed