I’m 22 and for the last two years I’ve really gone downhill. I feel like I used to be on the “right track”, I went to college and worked at the same time. I started to hate my major and hated college in general. I decided to stop going and just work for a little bit. After my last semester is when everything went to shit. I struggled with binge eating, addiction and had a pretty big depressive episode that lasted like 2-3 months. While I was depressed I thought about suicide multiple times a day.   

After my depressive episode, I felt “normal”. This lasted for a few months and during this time I was sober and felt okay. A few months later I had another depressive episode that lasted for around 2-3 months again. I started using drugs again and thought of suicide again. I got a new doctor and told her how I was feeling. Ah recommended a therapist but I still haven’t talked to one yet. My depression went away after I had a panic attack and then I felt “normal” again.  

I’m not sure if something bigger is going on or if i’m just a lazy piece of shit. I’ve quit multiple jobs without notice in the past two years which I would never have done normally. I constantly make stupid choices. I have no money, no job and have maxed out all of my credit cards. It seems like my life is falling apart but at the same time it seems like I don’t care.