I don't really know why I'm posting this. My professors gave me a 3 weeks extension but I'm still sorely behind time. It takes so much effort to get out of bed and to tell myself "dude you need to finish this work". I sleep almost 12 to 16 hours on some days. And I've been living like a zombie, just trying to finish my work. I'm just tired... I don't really want to try and live like a normal person. It'll be great to just drop dead and die. I'm constantly fluctuating between suicidal ideation and then complete apathy and numbness. Sprinkled with some hyperactivity and bouts of intense energy, once in a while. How do people even live normally? Not to mention my school mates seem to think that my extension is unfair... I used to perform very well in school, but my high functioning self slowly eroded over the years. Looking back, it was a slow but gradual decline. And now I'm just barely able to function as a normal human or student. I wake up at 2 to 5pm most days. And I've been spending so much money. I feel like this year has been absolutely shit for me. So many things happened this year. The only joy in my life was this ginger stray cat under my block. He was the cutest thing ever. But someone else adopted him. It was like losing the only light in my life. I just feel like crying for absolutely no reason because I'm just so exhausted and tired. I'm so tired. I just want to retreat into a hole and hide forever till I eventually die. I barely have any friends, I feel like I'm not even a good partner, I haven't been helping my siblings with family emergencies, my parents only care about themselves. How is it possible to have so many different trauma in one life. Sexual assault, toxic past relationship, 6 consecutive years of bullying, family members attempting and committing suicide, 0% parental presence in childhood, verbal abuse by step-parents. I know some people have it worse. But I'm so tired.