All my mental illnesses intertwined with my friendships, relationships and all that sorta stuff. I really do try to change and I don’t say it because I want them to feel better, but because of the damage I do to them. 
I don’t intentionally mean to, but I always end up somehow. Either they see me at my lowest, they can’t handle handle my impulsiveness, have to witness me relapse on a daily basis, I drag them down, and they probably feel the need to stick with me out of pure pity. I don’t think I’ll ever have a long lasting friend(s).