TW: su*cide

background: my mother and her bf both work. i live in Australia and both me (20f) and my sister (18f) have casual/part time jobs. my mother at the moment a month gets 4k and we live semi comfortably her bf pays for the mortgage which is roughly the same amount and she pays for everything else. my mother and father are divorced and my father pays “child support” it is a considerable amount. however once my sister and i turn 21 which is next year for me he will not be paying anything else - which i understand is quite acceptable and much better than some instances. and i’m not complaining just obviously anxious. 


my problem is that even though apart from daily essentials like food/ electricity etc, my sister and i pay for most things ourselves, i have this continual anxiety to the point where i feel like i’ll wake up one day and i’ll be living on the street or something. i have constant fear that my family will have no money to live and i feel like it’s my fault or that i’m the one who is supposed to deal with it and i just feel like i’m drowning because i hardly get enough shifts to make more than $200 a week. i don’t even know what i’m trying to say it’s just every time i think about it i get scared and anxious and start to get into a bad mindset - (i am severely depressed and have extreme anxiety and many other mental health issues that i already don’t have any help with bcus of money issues - and most of the time my mind just reverts to thinking that i would just k*ll myself before these things happen) i’m just stuck, i know it’s a year away and even then i don’t have much control of the situation but i don’t know what to do and even just writing this i feel like i can’t breathe i also know i’m just paranoid and worrying but yeah idk.