I'm a 20 yo male from egypt
In the past few years i've made myself the absolute parent wet dream
- i don't drink or smoke or go clubbing 
- studying to be a dentist and my GPA is 3.7
- i help with chores around the house ( cooking - cleaning)
- in good shape and healthy ( exercising and playing soccer once a week )
- in the summer break i don't get an allowance but rather work freelance or side hustles to get money to support my spending 
So due to financial circumstances my parents both work and there is always trouple when it comes to spending money ( such as college fees, books, holidays...etc)

My parents always make sure to let me know who spent the money and how exactly it is

How much does one owe the other 

And there are always back breaking comments when i make a mistake 

Gaslighting my feelings and accusing me of being selfish when saying i had enough of the fighting over money 

And due to the package i carry from home i try to be nice to everyone just to get them to love me or feel affection from someone but nothing is all i get ( or even resentment in sometimes )

So i hate this situation and the thought of death being a comfort didn't leave my mind for the past 2 month 

Kinda scared to do it though cuz i feel i've done too much good to leave without getting repayed 

I really miss feeling loved 
( therapy in egypt is very expensive, so don't suggest it )