I am so depressed I can barely function. Depression itself not new to me; I’ve had depression since I was 12, so over 15 years of my life. I’ve had times in my life where I was extremely depressed. This isnt necessarily worse than my other really severe episodes, but the social isolation is making it much more difficult to cope. I don’t know if I can take care of myself right now. 

I’m so tired despite that I’ve been getting so much sleep. My quality of sleep isn’t good though.I’ve been having so many nightmares and episodes of sleep paralysis. 

I plan on taking a medical leave from work because it’s getting impossible for me to function. I’ve never had to take a leave from anything. Even when I was in undergrad and grad school and the therapists there suggested taking a semester off, I never did. But now I can’t anymore. I was considering using the time to go stay with my family, since a huge part of the issue is being isolated. But I was wondering if maybe I should pursue more intensive treatment first? I do weekly therapy, which is helpful, but not enough, especially right now in crisis. 

I’m so depressed I can’t even find the energy to get out of bed and use the bathroom. It seems like such a chore. It’s hard for me to take my medications at night, despite that I really need them (seizure meds), because just getting the pills and water and everything is so much effort. I can’t make food. I’ve gone nights without eating bc im so depressed. 

Im also getting panic attacks now out of literally nowhere. No idea why they’re happening and no specific trigger. I have ptsd so usually when I react like that it’s because of something specific. Never out of the blue like this. General anxiety, yes. full blown panic attacks where I feel like I can’t breathe and need to stop what im doing? Never. Not for no reason. 

The only thing that’s not a chore right now is writing on fucking Reddit. It’s hard for me to even talk to people I’m close with. 

Sorry for the ramble. I just want to know if inpatient has helped anyone in y situation before. I have a lot of suicidal ideation, but I’m too scared to carry anything out, so I’m not sure if inpatient is appropriate for me. But I do feel unstable and unsafe around myself. I tried to kill myself once in the past.