Obligatory apologies for being on mobile and in a state of not clear thinking. 

I, late 20s female, want to flee my current life. 

I’ve always been one to dream and fantasize about leaving my life behind to travel or just live anywhere but here. Wherever here might be in that particular moment. 

In high school all I dreamed about was moving to another state. I thought that’d fix my problems. I had amazing friends in high school, but I of course always found reasons why they sucked. They didn’t really suck, hindsight is always 20/20. when I graduated high school I immediately moved out of state. Since then, my life has been really hard and traumatic just trying to make things work. I always told myself “if you run, your problems are just going to follow you.” So, I created this unhealthy habit of not trusting myself and staying in unhealthy situations because I thought it was my BPD lying to me.  

I’ve been living in my current state (in the USA) for 8 years. I’ve lived in 7 different cities. But, I have this feeling that this state has nothing left to offer me. My best friend lives in Florida. My mom lives in Montana. My dad lives in this same state I’m in, but I don’t ever see him. Which makes me even more lonely feeling. I’m doing the same thing I did in high school where I think all my friends suck. And, they might actually a little bit. I’ve gotten some outside input, but I know how I can be. It’s a mixture of the two. I hate my job. My relationship isn’t stable (because ya know BPD). 

Two months ago I wanted to move to Florida to be with my best friend. Now, I think that’s a terrible idea and want to move to Montana to be with my mom. I’m very lonely. My friends don’t feel like real friends (except my best friend in Florida &amp; even then I can come up with a list of excuses why I would never wanna live near her). I never see my dad even though he’s 20 minutes away. I’m pretty sure he has BPD too. 

So, how in the heck do I differentiate between my BPD lying to me and a realistic dead end and moving on?