I’ve had 4-6 people I considered myself close to who actively cut me out of their lives completely. I can’t seem to maintain friendships for any substantial length of time. I struggle with my relationships with my family. My relationship with my mother is terrible, my relationship with my dad is almost nonexistent, and my brother went over six weeks without speaking to me and now is not speaking to me again. I’ve had two people anonymously harass me. I’ve had many other people who I wanted to build relationships with slowly just stop responding or going places with me eventually forget me. The friends I do seem to keep always end up hurting me badly in some way. 

I’m far from perfect and I’ll be the first to admit that, but I don’t know how I could’ve possibly been awful enough to deserve what I’ve been through. I’ve been pushed around, walked all over, shoved aside, and forgotten. People seem to think I’m a piece of shit. Maybe I am, I don’t know. My own mind is hard enough to handle, but compounded with knowing I seem like the least lovable person in the world is really difficult. When I was at my relationship peak I struggled immensely, now that I’m at a relationship low I feel like I’m so deep in a hole that I can never escape. I just feel so tired and alone.

I know so many have it harder but I’m struggle to stay alive in my own personal hell right now.