Last Saturday I told my best friend/FP that I needed to distance myself from our friendship because of what had happened over the last few months. She told me that she has already been taking a step back from it, I got upset and said something like, "I know, but at least I have the decency to tell you. Good luck" and blocked her on all my social media. I blocked her to stop myself from lashing out at her.

Over the past few months I've been getting increasingly annoyed with her self centeredness, usually I just let it go but it was really starting to irritate me.

Then about 2mo ago after disappearing for a few days, I say something like, "ah, you're alive, I was worried about you" after which she tells me that she wants to kill herself, that she's not at home and she'll be back whenever. She then proceeds to disappear for about a week. I had to get hold of her bf to find out that she went into a clinic.

I should mention that this is not the first time she's disappeared on me for a few weeks without saying anything about it, I asked her the last time she did it to please not do it again and at least just tell me that she's disappearing.

Fast forward a few weeks, she tells me that she is still in the clinic, then one Saturday evening she calls me to tell me about something that was going on and in the conversation we spoke about her being in the clinic, I asked her what her room was like etc, then a few minutes later I hear her Amazon echo go off in the background with a reminder. I say nothing and just leave it. I then go into New World (an mmorpg) and find her there.

What a fucking stupid thing to lie about?! I can't comprehend why she'd even lie about it. 

The day after discovering this I write her a message saying I know she's lying to me, I don't care why, as long as she is okay and we still communicate. She then disappears for half the week, comes back and messages me like nothing even happened.

I also notice that she's blocked anyone from seeing her online status everywhere, some of the places I know I'm the only one who knows she's on there at all (like Twitch), so I decided that if she really doesn't want me to be in her life, I'd choose not to and stop opening myself up to abuse from her. 

We used to Skype every second day, sometimes every day, it's been like this for the last 2 years. If she did want to talk to me for a while she could have just said so, we're not 5 years old, I'm a fucking adult, treat me as such and act like one. I may have gotten angry with her the last while for being so self centered and making everything about her but I've never ignored her, when I went into the clinic I told her, if I decided to disappear, I told her. I don't deserve to be treated like that and if I'm so invasive in her life that she wants to lie and hide her online presence from me, then she can simply go fuck herself.

For some reason this week I've been doing better than I have for a while.

I actually ended my relationship with my girlfriend at the same time last weekend because she never had time for me, I'd see her maybe once a month when it was convenient for her, every time I wanted to see her, she'd cancel the plans or just not come.

I'm so fucking tired of being people's doormats, allowing people to walk all over me because I don't want to be alone. I think I'd rather be alone than treated like this.

I keep ruminating on all of this and it's given me a bunch of sleepless nights but I feel like I did the right thing. I think it's the anger at them and the situation that's eating me up inside.