Ok, so currently I’m getting assessed for BPD but due to the pandemic I don’t know how long it’s going to take. I’m almost certain I have it and so is my therapist and I fit in almost all the criteria. When I’m angry I turn into this other person, who I don’t even recognise. I push my loved ones away, I say I hate them and I split up with my partner. This could be over something as stupid as who’s making dinner. Then I spend hours crying and feeling so horribly guilty that I want to hurt myself and know I deserve to be alone forever, my partner is so supportive and was the one who told me about this Reddit but I just know he’s going to leave at one point because why would anyone want to put up with me. I also become obsessed with something and spend all my money on it even if I know I can’t afford it, for example I have a one year old and I constantly buy him very expensive clothes that I know I can’t afford but I feel like a bad mum if I can’t buy them like other mums do. I also have a horrible fear of abandonment to the point I’ve took pills to stop someone walking out on me. There is a few other things that make me believe I have BPD. The thing is, I’m absolutely terrified to be diagnosed, I don’t know what this will mean for me. I don’t really know what I’m looking for here, but I feel so lost recently and i don’t even know who I am.