I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and PTSD and I have two fears that basically run my life.

1. That I'll become my mother; a drug-addicted, schizophrenic woman who abandoned her family, had 5 other children (making a total of 9) and losing custody of all of them.

2. That I'll go insane, so much so that Ill be put in a mental institution in a vegetative state from having to be under sedation.

These two fears affect my every decision.

Lately, my anxiety has been spiked with my first year of college approaching and lack of funding. I have been having panic attacks nearly every day and my psychiatrist has prescribed me a low dose of Xanax as a take as needed (take when I feel particularly anxious or a panic attack is coming on). 

I've only been on it a week and have taken it twice. I know it's not really a lot, but it freaks me out. I fear that I'll become addicted (I come from a long line of addicts, as well as my old brother). Earlier today I had a panic attack that triggered another one because I didn't want to take a Xanax, in fear that three a week is overdoing it, and got into an argument with my father (an ex-addict) over not wanting to take it. 

I'm in a cycle of being afraid to take much-needed psych meds and being afraid of going crazy. I feel like I'm slipping.