Everything in my life is bullshit- there is nothing that formed me into a good person. I cannot withstand any more pain or rejection. It’s too much. 
3 years old until 6 I was sexually abused by a handful of people. 

I went to school and genuinely had no friends until 3rd grade. I was bullied constantly and was always a binge eater because my parents were divorced and emotionally unavailable. 

No one ever took care of me at home. I had no normal upbringing and all I remember is getting in horrible fights and having temper tantrums as a child. 

I was fat- so then stated that- I was outcasted and met my “best friend “ in 8th grade who took over my friend group had the same style as me got the guy I liked and you know in general she’s better than me at everything I ever tried to be. She replaced me completely. Not that I was ever going to be her but she quite literally took what I thought was finally my place.

Got diagnosed with PCOS at 17. I’m less women than I could ever be. I can’t even function as my sex properly. I had no normal life. 

Got into my first relationship cat-fished- and abandoned. I almost didn’t graduate high school. 

Developed an eating disorder lost 85lb which is the only thing I’m proud of and the only thing meaningful to me that I’ve accomplished. And to be honest I don’t need pity for the ED it’s the only thing I’m proud of.

I hate my life. I hate who I am. And I think I have good reason. I’m ready to let go. I’m ready to become the hatred. I’m ready to let the pain eat my heart out. I’m ready to become the narcissist. Because I don’t have an inch to give anyone anymore. It’s a cruel fucking world. I got 70 years ahead of me working a 9-5 and loosing out and becoming more of the person I hate. 
I’m not grateful. I didn’t ask for this. The bitterness is beyond anything. Because any form of kindness or happiness or “love” is not real. It’s a fabrication of the mind. Life is suffering. And the detachment I know is called dissociation.