This has been a pretty recent problem with my extended family in general. Most of my life, I've been trying to keep close ties with them as it is a cultural thing. 

However, I'm starting to feel some sort of tension. I'm being invited late to parties, I don't hear anything from my cousins even when I offer help. When I sit in a circle with those of my generation, and often they just go somewhere, leaving me sitting alone with no idea where they are going. In general, few people are communicative with me but then in the other family texting groups, they are very active.

Usually, I take my anger, emotions and frustrations upon me. I always blame myself but sometimes I wonder if what I'm experiencing is actually real. Are they really leaving me alone? If I raise my concerns, someone will put me through a guilt trip blaming me. I'm quite vulnerable and quite quick to make peace. But it's an endless cycle.

I'm a bit eccentric and it takes effort for me to blend in, but I'm usually successful at it. Once I get the ball rolling, people seem to enjoy my company. However, the distance is growing and I'm starting to feel it.

Those who have been closest to me for my entire life are finally starting to gravitate away from me. It's really subtle and when I join in, I get the most artificial greetings.

There is a curveball to all of this. Back in 2014, I renounced Islam though my personality didn't change much. A few years later, I started taking part in vices and going out with ladies. I eventually lost interest in that lifestyle though.

My diagnosis was given to me 10 years ago. However, all of this remained secret within my immediate family. After many troubled years, my parents and I made peace and we have an acceptable relationship despite agreeing on nothing.

A family friend has told that about 4-5 years ago, a ton of secrets about me were leaked and revealed. An unidentified family friend found my old reddit account (it was under my name) and started spreading everything. I have no idea any of this happened, because no one in my family treated me differently. However, some cues that I initially missed, I'm starting to pick up on.

Although I can be mindful of the distance and acceptance, my fear of alienation takes over me. Every time I bring it up, they readily put the blame on me.

Is it my mind playing games on me, or is this some of it actually real?