Hi guys so I'm a little confused,

am I just paranoid / experiencing a lot of cognitive distortions or am I being manipulated / psychologically abused by one of my best friends and ex-roomies

one of my best friends and ex-roommates (who has BPD) and I enjoy a very close but at some points rather tumultuous relationship especially when we are both on edge. Part of her job is managing creative talents (including some social media influencers with larger follows who we've all become friends with). Recently we went out for my birthday weekend and one of her talents reacted really poorly. Stating she didn't like people coming up to her / taking pictures, being recognized and she was having a panic attack. This ended with lots of drama and conversations on all sides. Especially because it was my birthday weekend. I did talk to her but My old roommate said I didn't press her enough / that she "wasn't a God because of her social media" (something I never said or implied but have been internally worried they think I view her as).

After a week bender + because of extreme stress and a potentially hypomanic episode I went to the hospital, stayed overnight and got medication. When I told this to my ex-roomie she exclaimed "you went to the psych ward!?" which automatically felt judgmental. After hearing that I immediately shut down and didn't want to elaborate on the points that got me there, we agreed to call later.

I spoke to her last night, and she randomly brought up that she had spoken to our friend and that she wasn't mad at me that she felt "I think they thought I was upset with them when they were really just soaking up the vibes of the night." To which I said was she irritated/ she sounded irritated (an assumption). My ex-roomie immediately got defensive and said "that's just not what I said at all, I don't know what's going on with you and I this isn't the kind of conversation I was trying to have with you I just got home" , I apologized and re-framed what I said, she told me she didn't believe the doctors at the hospital and due to my defense and what she was telling me that she was "very worried about my perception at the moment whether that was helpful for me to hear or not'

She seemed very angry with me and if felt like there was subtle jabs that had enough plausible deniability behind them that if I were to point them out 1) I could be easily mistaken 2) be denied outright along with "why do you personalize everything" or 3) "like I said I think your perceiving things that aren't attacks right now as such / making assumptions" (all very hard to rationalize but part of me says this all sounds true, I am paranoid and another part says your being manipulated / gaslight and I can't trust either

My ex-roomie also later put on her story: **Caring about being popular online is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital**

she has also made the entirety of her instagram story/bio dedicated to a socio-political topic she knows I find delicate / difficult to talk about

(I just find the timing of all of this reactionary but that might just be because I feel on edge which is what I will be told if I confront her on such)