recently, i was thinking back on something my 24(f) boyfriend 24(m) told me about his friends. we went to the same university, and when he was 19 or so, he moved in with his roommates &amp; talked about how they used to talk about women on campus. my boyfriend said he felt uncomfortable and as a result now tries to be better about interactions with women. it got under my skin &amp; admittedly, i feel insecure. which is tough - i’m the one with BPD in the relationship. i woke up this morning and realized i was just completely numb to him, and now every interaction is like pulling teeth. i also feel like i want to full on get revenge? if that makes sense. like i want to turn on him and make him insecure and lonely and hurt him (emotionally). 

i’m really wondering if the relationship is dead (or if i’m about to kill it i guess) or if it’s splitting/another aspect of BPD. i have a family history of BPD, with both my dad and brother having it as well. i keep reflecting on how my mom would mention that my dad would do everything he could to put her down when they ran into someone who admired my mom. i’m sure that was his BPD, but sometimes it’s hard to separate that out. my brother has also admitted to doing that to an ex and i feel like that’s why i constantly went for the “emotional jugular” with an ex of mine constantly when i was younger. (my ex was also seriously abusive, not to justify it but that was a really unhealthy relationship for context, so i’ve never not acted my absolute worst). 

since BPD has been a part of my life and just one of those “things” in my family, i have a hard time understanding what’s real and what isn’t. does it sound like splitting? how do you overcome it if so? how do you explain it to your partner?