One of things I hate most about myself, is how I handle my wife venting to me when she's breaking down due to a crisis. 

My initial response, is to quickly analyze the situation and find out what her/our options are. 

I'll then lay out the options she/we have starting with the best. 

In my times of rational thinking, I consider myself to be a great problem solver. I think most people can see that's one of my redeeming qualities. 

**Where it goes to complete shit is:** when she acknowledges the solutions I present, and is still in emotional distress. It makes me feel so utterly useless not being able to help her. For whatever reason, I become irate because of this and end up making things so much worse by allowing that part of my brain to completely take over where she then becomes the bad guy. 

I absolutely hate it because the last thing I want to do is upset my wife. But I do. Her tears are because of me. 

I've only recently discovered that I identify strongly with 7 of the 9 symptoms of BPD, and as happy as I am to have realized this because now I can begin my road to recovery, it's tearing me up inside being able to look back and realize how much emotional damage I've done to the ones I love, most of all my wife. 

Why couldn't I just be normal.