I've been going down a downward spirl for a few month now. The intensity ebbs and flows, but it's in the back of my head all day. I've been muting it with podcasts, videos, series, whatever piece of content I can hear people speak. If I listen to others, I don't have to listen to myself. There is a constant nag in my head saying I'm not good enough, and although it's been telling me to kill myself, I never paid mind to it. Well, until now. I haven't done anything, nor will I do, but I can't stop crying because that thought feels *right*. 

I don't have much going for me. I'm in my mid twenties, and live with my mom. I'm unemployed as I want to dedicate my time into building my career as an artist, but my fear of failure halts all progress. Fear is the one emotion that completely destroys me. No matter how rational I try to be, it always wins. 

I have experience giving private art lessons, going to cons, and doing commissions. Still, I neglect all these accomplishments when I think about how little money I'm making right now. Money, or lack of it, is what's making my fear worse. 

As I keep writing I feel better. My reason is kicking in, and I'm hearing the rebuttals. Although I have years of experience making art, only recently have I started promiting myself—it makes sense as to why I'm not making any money. Progress is slow, painstakingly slow. 

Stay strong, thanks for reading.