TLDR: I’m jaded with depression now, can I just let it be/ignore it or is this suppression? 

Please hear me out if it sounds obvious.

I think I know the cause of my depression, a lot criticism about my life choices from all around just as I felt I was developing my individuality around age 15/16. 

As a sensitive person I think I onboarded this and just about anything negative anyone had to say since.

Whilst that time in my life is far gone, I feel it’s an endless pattern of self critique and hatred, even though the outside world has turned from threatening to somewhat supportive bar the odd asshole, but I’m left habitually thinking and analysing myself every waking minute. 

I notice more and more very few people around me have such a high level of self hatred, seem able to focus, shake off opinions that I’d otherwise take to heart and generally integrate well enough.

I am in therapy, and I feel like I’m at a crossroads now - almost like I could just take these thoughts and say ‘fuck it’ from now on, live with the pain and negative self talk and contribute no further when I see it happen…

On the other side, I’m still emotionally numb (anhedonic) and wonder if I’m not addressing enough? Although endless digging still turns up nothing more than I already know. 

Is it time I just got on with it? Is this just suppression or could it be growth. Tired of beating myself up already and just want to have some self respect again. Really interested to know your thoughts.