I (22F) recently had my first ever sexual experience with a girl who is a very close friend of mine. I’ve only ever had sexual relationship with men, and consider myself straight. 

I have no issues with ppl having different sexual orientations. Love whoever you want. The friend i hooked up with is bi actually so it wasn’t her first experience w a girl. 

I was the one giving, while she received and i was actually the one who initiated the whole thing. My only thing now is i feel ashamed and very grossed out with myself. I’m not sure why though. 

Even after all of it, i still consider myself straight. I’m not stressed because I’m questioning anything. I just feel it was a mistake. I obviously love my best friend, but never in a sexual way. Ive never been attracted to her and have never even fantasized about getting with a girl before either so i don’t know why i did it. I think I’m mostly upset with myself cause i feel i might have used her? Not sure if i was experimenting or horny or was trying to get some form of validation from the act. But i did it for selfish reasons, i know that for a fact. 

Now I’m full of regret and shame and no matter how many showers i take i feel gross with myself. I feel badly cause shes an amazing friend and person but i don’t know if i can move past what was done. What happened has happened. Right now I’m just looking for support as to how to get over all this, stop feeling so gross with myself, and move on but also possibly not lose a great friend in the process.

Sorry for the long post.