It's been so long since I (19F) have thought or felt these feelings and I doubt I am socio/psychopathic. All I want are possibilities to why I thought this way.

As a young child (elementary age), I would have intrusive thoughts of harming animals for fun, myself out of anger, or others just because I happened to be holding something dangerous. If my parents sent me to my room for sneaking extra screen time, I'd break down in anger and frustration and idealize hanging myself from my fan or in my closet. If I was in class with a pair of scissors, I would imagine what would happen if I stabbed my classmates with them. I've never done anything serious, the worst thing was probably neglect/violent torture of a fish and hamster respectively.

It went from those thoughts to suicidal and homicidal thoughts primarily in middle school. I got mad at my parents for taking my DS? I would think through a murder plan and visualize it but never went through with it. I constantly wanted to kms constantly and visualize just how much happier everyone would be or how better off everyone would be if i just never existed.

I have since become in control of these thoughts and my emotions, and I know many of these were caused by depression, anxiety, adoption trauma, and a bit of bullying. I'm just wondering if there was anything I could be missing from my past that could've contributed to what i thought and felt.

p.s. I took a great interest in gore videos and animal abuse videos in late elementary and middle school. I didn't have free range of the internet, my parents had parental lock, but I found ways around it.