Sleep without dreams for a long, long time. But my body works like a clockwork, even with bearly sleeping, eating and drinking. I can feel how close my body is to the edge, how weak it gets and I can just watch helplessly. I'm exhausted from the constant Panik attacks and breakdowns. From replaying those words over and over in my head. From the graphic images of him cheating haunting me. From this pain in my heart. I want to be able to close my eyes without spiraling down. To be able to eat without feeling sick. I want to feel safe. I want to be hugged. But I'm not a child that can get rocked to sleep.