I had never heard of this until a couple of days ago...

I took a [personality disorder screening](https://psychcentral.com/personality-disorders-test/start.php) online, genuinely not expecting to be flagged for any specific PD. However, the screening did indicate that I selected several behaviors that align with Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD).

I know these screenings are often flawed and inaccurate. I'm not a fan of diagnoses really anyway, especially not self-diagnoses, but wow, HPD symptoms really hit on everything I am ashamed of about myself.

The main thing I relate to with this is how uncomfortable I am *not* being the center of attention and my constant need for approval by everyone around me-- especially authority figures. I'm sensitive to criticism, I have a low tolerance for frustration and am easily bored by routine, and often act or say things without thinking. It's just a really ugly way to be...

I've recognized a lot of these things before I knew there was a word for it... and I've been working on it in therapy -- among other things -- for almost a year and a half.  Recognizing how much other people's opinions of me matter to me has been a big theme in therapy for me. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with ADHD, which has some symptoms that seem to line up closely with HPD.

It just really bummed me out to read about HPD. It was almost affirming all the things I thought were so disgusting about myself are *actually true.* My self-worth is completely dependent on other people and at the same time, I'm so self-centered... The only feeling I care about from others is if they like me. That's fucked up.