10 months together:

A week ago: she broke up with me, still very attached to me. Called me babe and said I love you. Kisses, all that stuff. Told me she was scared of commitment. Told me she needs more alone time and time with her friends. I agreed said sorry and I was supportive. As the days went on she started getting more grumpy and disordered. Hating me hating the day hating herself. 

A week later: she hates me and loves me at the same time. Avoidant, I didn’t realize she was splitting. Kind on text but mean to me in person or on the phone. Hung out with her friends a lot online and avoided me. 

Then one night: short phone call, she said she wanted to hangout, said nice things on text, but when we got on the phone she said my person triggers her on the phone, sounded angry, just me sitting there was bad vibes, just having me around, no cute cat pictures or making her laugh helped at all. I was split all black. She hung up on me. I was confused because earlier she said so many nice things on text. I still was confused and not educated enough about bpd to understand she just needed space. She also didn’t tell me she needed space. 

The next night:

Me: Are you ever coming back?

Her: I’ll come back just not right now. 

Me: Take your time, I needed some closure. 

Her: thank you

Me: Did you replace me with someone else?

Her: no I haven’t replaced you I just need a break, why are you so worried about that anyway we broke up last week?


Me: Because of the mean words you’ve said lately. Went from loving to hating me so fast. That’s why I felt anxious after you hung up on me. But I think space will help you hate me less. 

We both fucked up **on accident.** I crossed your boundary and you didn’t tell me the boundary was there. I believe we both did this on accident. I apologize for crossing your boundary by being too dominant, it scared you and I’m sorry. I crossed your boundary on accident because i didn’t know your boundary was there, you used to tell me you liked being told what to do, and you were too scared to tell me that my dominance went too far and crossed your boundary. You didn’t tell me I crossed your boundary on accident, because you were scared. If you weren’t scared, you would have told me your boundaries were crossed. If I knew your boundaries were crossed, I would have stopped crossing your boundaries. I believe we both did this on accident. I believe the solution is me being less dominant, and me reassuring you that your boundaries are valid, encouraging you about them. And I believe the solution is you being more transparent about what hurts you. That way I scare you less, don’t accidentally hurt you, and you help teach me where your boundaries are. When you come back know that I am here for you and I am not mad. Reach out anytime, I just want to make things better. 





Any advice on how to be good for her when she comes back? I know she can’t control her bpd, and I can’t control being sad and anxious. I have an anxiety and depression diagnosis, but I also love her and want things to work. I’m willing to do what it takes.