tw: overdose, self harm  
Not asking for a diagnsis or what this means but I know my life is going downhill and will go even more downhill but I don't want to do anything. Like I feel completely apathetic about my own life lmao and Ijust don't care about anything. I am also quite avoidant/ escapist(is that even a word lmao) so I'm constantly just like 'fuck everything fuck me fuck everyone worst case I'll just kms'. And I feel some kind of twisted satisfaction, joy? catharsis from destroying myself; overdosing on pills (but not to the point its fatal) or cutting up my entire arm.

I think I'm kinda fucked in the head but UK its not like I can go tell this to anyone.. It's too heavy to rant/ tell my friends and I don't have a therapist/ counsellor and my parents have no idea (please don't tell me to go speak to my parents about this. I know that is logical but no. easier said than done + I'm not ready)

And getting help is so difficult. They all need parental consent and/ or need to be 16+ but I'm only 15 this year lmao. Ive tried everything but nothing worked out and/ or they are too busy so yAy I'm here on reddit telling strangers my issues