I've been on it a month. It stopped the worst 5 days after taking 50mg a day. You can read my history.

Someone a couple hours ago, who I love with all my heart, who once told me to Come as I am and that she accepted me completely finally just told me she can't be friends with me any longer and to never talk to her again. It wasn't out of the blue and it wasn't on her, it was a series of shitty actions from me over the course of years. I feel sick. I am crying. And I'm lost and I can barely handle knowing I caused this, and the borderline caused this, and that I'm truly fucking just a disgusting person at my core to drive someone away when I wanted to be the best I could be for them. Its so fucked. I don't irrationally hate myself anymore but it's hard to not hate myself when it's rational.

The point is this about as low as I can feel. And I'm not thinking of harming myself. I'm not going to kill myself. I'm not even disassociating. So the medication works in that regard. this is so painful especially because it's just on me and I'm this fucking piece of shit that really doesn't deserve love, and I am not resorting to what normally I would be over the top compulsed to do. 

I start dbt this week. I'll probably never be able to have relationships but I'll get in shape and get a job and make what progress I have. I would be dead without this medication. I have no doubt. Good naltrexone borderline personality disorder the research papers will pop up. Might be worth talking to your doctor about.

God this sucks. I wanted to make her happy. I didnt. I did the opposite and I creeped her out so much the only way I can make her happy now is to never see or talk to her again. I hate this disease. I hate it so much. Its ruined so much of my life and the things I care about. But it's separate from me now, and I'm going to do my best to defeat it. Its come at a heavy price. I fucking hate this so so so much.