Anywhere I've lived feels like some weird minefield of people that I would do anything not to run into. I don't really know what it is, it could even be people that I got along with perfectly fine, but I just really want to avoid seeing people from my past, or rather avoid having them see me. I always walk around with my head ducked and headphones on, I try really hard to blend in and even go to the length of changing my look every time I leave a job or hobby because I want to be less recognisable. I finally signed up for a boxing class the other day and I was really looking forward to it because it's something I'd been meaning to try for many years, but I realised that somebody who I used to go to school with has moved into my neighbourhood and it started an irrational fear that maybe that person might be in that class. Oh, and my worst fear of all would be a chatty neighbour that wants to get to know me, because it would even turn the safe space that I consider my house into a micro-minefield.

I don't really understand why I am like this, is it a BPD thing or something else entirely? Is there anybody who can relate and make me feel a little less crazy?