A couple days ago I care home from work and my boyfriend was drunk. We started fighting. We had fights before where we were both drunk and fighting and I got arrested after a fight where he tried to leave but I stopped him because the fear of being alone. I had to do anything to stop it and I put my hands on him. 
But this time I wasn’t drinking and he got arrested. He kicked me, slapped me, hit me over the head with fucking frozen food bags. I immediately regretted my decision to call the police when I realized I was going to be alone. I only lived alone for one month before I got with him. We were on and off. So much has happened. He’s broken my hands before during fights when we were both fighting. I know I’ll never see him again after this, and I probably shouldn’t, but I have terrible anxiety since it happened.
Anxious about seeing him around when he gets out. Anxious because I know what everyone thinks of me since my arrest. Anxious of being alone. I feel so empty and I just want him back but I know it’ll never happen and it freaks me out even more. 
After one fight we laid in bed and held hands and cuddled. I just want that again but I know it can never happen. I fear I did the wrong thing. I am worried for him. I am worried for me. I want to take everything back but I know I can’t. I’m slipping into a bad depression and I’m all alone.