I would like to get some insight into my own personality. For a long time I suspected that something might be off with me. 

To start with, I can say that I was a very depressed and melancholic teenager while growing up. At the age of 18-19 I suffered from severe anorexia that left me without menstruation for a year. 

When I was 21, I coped with life by partying and having sex. I would get very drunk every two or three days in parties and stop caring about any consequences. That provided me with some sort of high. 

I have always been over attached in a relationship. I remember once I broke up with one ex boyfriend I had because he saw my message and ignored it for around 7 hours. He said he was working, but I couldn't handle the extreme crippling anxiety. He wasn't a good guy either, so I don't consider it a big deal, but being ignored by the person I'm seeing triggers me enormously. I get very very anxious and start sending angry messages. I also tolerated a lot of things to avoid being abandoned. 

I have found normal relationships, healthy and good, to be boring. I always end up with people who hurt me. My family doesn't understand why a pretty girl, with a good job and a master's degree can have so much trouble finding a good relationship. 

My mother left me when I was a teenager and moved to another country, leaving me partially abandoned. Now I'm 26 and I consider myself a stable person, but I swing from hating her and resenting her from that, to loving her because she gave me a good childhood and loved me. The same thing happens with my father. Noone is perfect, but I go from hating them to accepting and loving them whenever they are with me. But when I'm left alone with my own thoughts, I remember the wrong things that had been done against me and resentment starts blinding me. 

When I was a kid, I remember that when my mother went out on a date with my father, I would beg her to leave me with a phone so I could contact her and feel safe. I literally felt I would disappear and die if I couldn't contact her. I would cry myself to sleep. 

Everything is not so bad, I am extremely emotional, passionate and loyal. It's very hard for me to move on once I attach to someone, but I always choose wrong people to attach myself to. I also enable their bad behaviour by staying and accepting (maybe it's also some sort of twisted way to self destructive). I'm very artistic and I sometimes I sell my art as a side hustle. 

For a long time I didn't want to accept these signs in me, but I would also like to share it here and maybe I can get help from people who actually have BPD. Do you think I may actually have it?