I've been seeing a lot of posts about [oversharing](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201607/5-reasons-we-tell-people-more-we-should) lately. Not only borderlines do this, but I have BPD and I used to overshare constantly. I would proudly tell people that I was an open book. I cringe now thinking of those times because I had no boundaries and only hurt myself in the end by exposing myself to anyone and everyone. You can't take back what you already said.

I'm new to individual DBT coaching (began recovery in 2015), but one thing I've learned that I literally cannot unsee now is that every interaction we have is balancing three elements:

1) *Getting what we want*;

2) *Maintaining our self respect*;

3) *Maintaining the relationship*.

[Here is a visual representation of this balance](https://i.imgur.com/fdVnG2g.png). When I am having a moment, you know the kind, it's a mini crisis. Your person is in front of you and you may start to panic. What do I do, what do I say? That mini panic and mini frantic feeling pops up. DBT teaches to pause. I'm four weeks into DBT and already I am able to pause and consider this balance. Decide what is most important to me in the moment and how to keep a balance.

Oversharing is one of those things that falls into the *getting what we want* category, but then you are losing *self respect* by having no boundaries, and you aren't *maintaining the relationship* with that person because boundaries are necessary in healthy relationships.

How many interactions can you think of in the past week where the balance tipped way too much toward *getting what you want*? How about *maintaining the relationship* where you would do anything to keep the person but then lost self respect in the process? What about *maintaining self respect* by any means and hurting the relationship?

BPD and any cluster B disorder is showing up MOSTLY in ineffective interpersonal interactions. We can unlearn the maladaptive strategies and learn new interpersonal effectiveness. In the end, keeping this balance in mind is best for YOU.