hi guys. i just really need to put my thoughts somewhere where people will understand. if anyone has any advice pls throw it my way. I've been with my boyfriend/fp for like a year and a half and slowly over our relationship (the closer we got) my toxic symptoms have gotten much worse. im trying to get into therapy but it's been hard. I end up usually having a couple or more episodes a day (screaming, crying, a couple including self harm) and I can tell its really starting to wear on my boyfriend. I love him with all of my being and I am terrified that he's going to get sick of it and leave me. the main problem right now is that sometimes he has to work opposite shifts from me at his job to supplement our income. he usually tries to work the same shifts as me because I am so codependent. but he brought up to me today that he reqlly needs to start working different shifts sometimes so some nights I may not be able to see him for a few hours. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal but everytime he tries to leave me alone even for a little bit i lose my shit. I don't have any hobbies at all because nothing is fun for more than 5 minutes so I end up zoning out into tiktok the whole time. I don't have any friends and haven't for like 4 years. I just dont know how to be alone at all. I get so depressed when he's gone. anybody know how to cope? :( idk what's wrong with me why can't I just be normal