A message to my friend. I don’t want to annoy him by sending him another one of my midnight rants. 

I’m really trying my hardest not to bother you. I am so sorry for anything I’ve done to upset you. Whenever I’ve started random fights. Been a bitch to you when you are having a bad day. I’m sorry that it’s literally impossible to have any type of friendship with me. And I can’t warn you enough, I am so self centred and negative and it’s only going to get worse because I’m not going to go to the doctors. It’s better for your mental health and anyone else’s to just move on with your own life without me being a drain on you. I really really don’t want to cause you any pain or trigger you or hurt you. As soon as I turn 18 I’ll be living on my own in some distant place so I can’t annoy or hurt people or manipulate people.  My personalities and moods are so fucking complex so fuck this constant fight with myself, I’m both super emotional// unemotional sometimes at the same time. So I i ever had any friendships with you and the people at school, it’s so much more trouble than it’s worth. I’m a whole lot of crazy, trust me there’s so much more fucked up crazy shit you don’t know about me and crazy stupid paranoia that’s always at the back of my mind even tho I know it isn’t real and it’s irrational. So if I haven’t scared you off yet, I will soon so you might as well just leave me be and go and forget everything about me I’m lowkey begging you. How can I be a good friend and help you when I’m making things worse.