Ive been having a really weird feeling about myself lately. It's complicated to explain but basically i've been feeling way better these past months but at the same time there is one thing that's scaring me, it's that... I don't even know why am i actually feeling better ? And then i'm also silently waiting for that cursed depression to come back and hunt me like it used to do for so many years, it's like a temporary calm before the storm.

What i mean is that it's not like my life has changed drastically in any ways : i'm the same virgin 27 old dude with no friends and gf so how is it that my brain suddenly decided to not make me feel depressed anymore ? Like why, what's even the reason for this ? Where did all those suicidal thoughts went ? Those panic attacks i used to have ? And social anxiety ? How am i being so much more comfortable around people all of a sudden ?

It's almost like my brain was so used to being in that default depressed state that i'm now panicking because first of all i don't even know why i'm feeling better and also because i'm just not used to feel this good about me. I'm way more outgoing, sociable, and i have a feeling i'm trying to sabotage my positivity by asking and torturing myself with all those useless questions listed above. 

Because yes, i don't think i would be this depressed if i wasn't asking myself so much useless questions per second like some kind of neurotic maniac.

Like WHY the fuck can't my fucking broken brain enjoy being happy even if it's probably just temporary and that depression is gonna come back 100x stronger than it was before and just kick my ass like it always did.

Like i swear the human brain is a really interesting organ but at the same time very scary since how much your mental state can change without a single logical reason.

What do you guys think about all of this ? Has this kind of thing already happened to one of you ? Is it healthy to think this way or not ?