I guess that's how I could explain it, I notice I do this and I just thought it was me but I guess it could be splitting. It's like if someone says something, usually before I know them well and I receive it badly I will hate them to my core. Like they could die in front of me and I wouldn't care bc I was so mad about something they said. Then they can see I am mad either if I respond or behave angrily towards them and they might say, "I was being sarcastic" or "it was just a joke." But I will still hate them for that initial response I had to what they did/said. Its like the level of anger and disgust builds up so high that I cannot bring myself to lower that hate even if I accept that it was a joke in the sense that my harsh criticism isn't needed. Other people I like could even come and say, "hey they were joking its okay" and I will be like what the fuck ever and still hate that person, nothing could lower the disdain I have for them over something relatively unimportant but its all consuming in my mind. In my mind, I will forever be like throw that bitch into a volcano level of angry. 

But usually, I know no one else will back me up on my anger so I usually avoid the person or limit interactions if possible but the level of contempt stays the same. Even throughout years, I'd still be like yeah fuck them. I also get anger at people that like say "its just a joke" in general because to me, the damage is done already. I always think to myself if I shot them in the head and said it was a joke would it be okay, because it being a joke doesn't mean its okay to do. I don't know this probably is going to invite people to say "wow someone has not sense of humor" or "Jesus lighten up." I happen to joke around a lot, its just certain types of joke are the ones that trigger this. Ones about hurting/hating cats, will make me hate someone to my core bc I love cats. One that are misogynistic or sounding incel make me hate the person. One's that I sense a core belief hidden in a joke will fill me with so much hatred towards the person like they've declared war on who they are joking on. If this makes sense.