I was just given a soft diagnosis of BP1 (meaning my psychiatrist wants to see if treatment works before saying for sure). This is all so new to me. I’m scared to start vraylar but I can’t stand feeling like this anymore. I cry so much, even when I laugh. Life feels like a dream I’m walking through but maybe one made of clouds where I can’t see clearly. My anxiety is so bad and my paranoia has me on the verge of breakdown. I know there are good times but I can’t see them, I can barely remember what they feel like and right now they feel like they’ll never come back though I know they will. I just feel…. Crazy. I don’t know how else to explain this feeling of a false world around me but if you told me this all didn’t exist I’d probably believe you. I need someone to relate. To understand. Do you? I just feel like I’m always trying so hard. 

Also have you tried vraylar? And what’s the best way to go about properly medicating in a society that pushes pills? I don’t know anyone who has been on or been around it. Medication is always scary to me but this trial and error aspect of mental health is the scariest.