I'm 23 (F) I want to commit suicide to teach the woman that gave birth to me a lesson. I know I should value my life more but ,I think that's the only way I can bring things to a halt .As long as I remember, she has been abusive to me and all of my siblings . 

What would your thoughts be on a mother that rubbed hot pepper on her son's d!ck and locked  him in a dark room as a form of punishment? ( that's my elder brother) . And That's just one of it . She has been physically abusive and emotionally abusive to I and my siblings in so many ways.we are 5 .  My immediate junior sister now suffers various mental illnesses to the extent that now its shifted to be a spiritual affair ( going to churches and traditional healers for a cure  ) meanwhile being quite logical I believe its caused by the trauma and abuse we endured as kids ...
Now that most of us are struggling in adulthood. she tries to be nice but it seems like a lure or bait to incite more attacks... Once you start being happy or ok,  she unleashes with verbal abuse and continous put downs..everything I went through from her has left me with depression and chronic illnesses ( pcos and hyperprolactenemia due to stress ) . Might i add, its difficult getting therapy here because where I live people see someone giving birth to you as a path to sainthood . 

   My writeup might seem all over the place a bit but that's because its just too much to fit into one page.  I've experienced a lot of negatives directly and indirectly that sometimes I wish I could just lay down ,close my eyes and once I open them she would be swapped for an actual "mom". How does one find themselves in a reality with so much pain? I think if I end up being a sacrificial lamb  , may be she would have a rethink on what good parenting really is, and if not for anything , for the sake of my little brother ( he is 14 years old ) ...