Hi everyone, I'm here to get some insight and a better understanding of my girlfriend who's 29..I'm 30. She has bp1 and this time last year she had a horrible manic and detachment episode. She ghosted me and wss so paranoid and delusional she attempted to get a restraining order on me. She withdrew after we talked in person but after she contacted me to talk it through. She had a history of suicide attempts and this past year and a half has been so hard for her. She told me if I didn't take her back the guilt and the shame and embarrassment from ruining a relationship and pure as ours would've been too much for her to live with. So she was ready to take her life. That was last year. 

I'm not gonna pretend like I never expected her to have another episode. I know what I signed up for, I've done countless hours of research and I was attending NAMI meetings so I can be the best partner I can be for her. Make a long story short I've noticed some of her triggers and signs of the onset of mania but she managed it well so I didn't think it was here yet you know? This past Monday she was constantly telling me to leave her alone she's done etc, completely out of the blue. We had a beautiful day before and went to bed perfectly fine. All I did was ask whats wrong a few times and because she was probably at her breaking point she blew up and OUT OF NO WHERE served me with papers for another restraining order. When I was asking what's wrong she couldn't give me an answer so that's how I know its a manic episode. She always told me if she ever tries to leave me it's because she's manic. 

I guess what I'm here for is to ask what happens when mania hits? Does everything really go out the window? All feelings and care for me? All promises are broken and everything is blamed on me and is my fault? I've been here before like I said this happened last year almost to the date but it's still so hard and I'm tired of her and this pointless restraining orders simply because she can't handle anything. She can't rationalize anything so she just discards me like garbage and makes it so I really can't contact her. Am I the only one who has been served restraining order papers more than once?

Any insight on what happens and what she really feels when this happens would ease the pain of going through this again..talking to people that actually have bp might help mote than the SO forum I'm apart of.

If you made it this far thank you so much.