I (24/F) can’t do it anymore. I’m struggling through each day uncertain of my own mind. One minute I want quit my job, the other minute it’s my favorite place. I can’t be a good girlfriend to my boyfriend, I’ll go through days of unprovoked anger directed at him or worse, days of silence. I’m so exhausted, in the past few years I have purged all my belongings again and again just to sink myself further into debt replacing them with a new style, a new identity, hoping to find some happiness in the “new me.” My family is tired of it. Tack on alcoholism and cocaine addiction and I’m just a nightmare. I moved away in an attempt to get off drugs and thus far it has been a success but I’m just drinking more and I’m lonely in the place I moved to. Sometimes I feel I’d be better off dead but I’m too lazy to do it. I did therapy and medication a few years ago but I quit the meds and can no longer afford any kind of professional help. I’m so lost and so tired of myself. Looking for any sort of hope? Or is there even any? My heart aches thinking this is how it will always be.