So, last year was one of the worst yet. Lost my job. Lost family members. Had health problems. Boyfriend broke up with me a couple of days before my birthday. I've been struggling with my mental health since forever, but I feel like I'm spiraling down again. Hard.

In the three months I've been single I've probably fucked 20 different people because I just can't stand to be alone. It's like I lost what little self-respect I had. I don't think anyone will ever really want to stay with me and that makes me sad. I've also put on a little weigh that is making me very insecure. I've been drinking more and worst - I've never been one to drink home alone because of a family history of alcoholism, but lately I've been going through a whole lot of bottles.

Last night I sent three emails to my ex and I just feel so pathetic. When will I get over him?! It's been four months and I still think about him all the time. I don't want to be the crazy, invasive ex.

I know I need to concentrate on doing things for me instead of trying to plug up the whole with people, but I'm having a hard time doing that.

I accepted a freelance job that I need to finish by friday but instead I'm drinking a bottle of wine at 1pm because I feel paralyzed and full of anxiety. I keep thinking the world would be better without me. I'm just a fuckup.