Hey guys

Posting here for some input and advice so TIA. 

Me and my gf both 30 have recently broken up I think for good this time after two years of dating. 

A little over a year ago she sat a psych interview for a job. Upon finishing it I asked her how she went and she said it went well they just kept hammering her for prior partnerships and whether they were “stormy”, “roller coasters” etc. (for context she’s becoming a police woman and had to disclose she had a relationship in which she was engaged then called off wedding all within 9 months). As a medical practitioner with some involvement in mental health and psych this triggered a few thoughts that resonated with us at times and perhaps stupidly I did some thinking and came across BPD and was like ahhhh yup this is accurate. 

I didn’t disclose this to her whatsoever nor haven’t since. 

For the last 12 months I’ve been seeing a psych that specialises in this field to help learn and understand how to better handle and navigate the splitting and the other symptoms that can become an issue within a relationship. I veiled this to my gf as I’m seeing one to help me navigate the stress of running own business and to work on myself to help us. For the first 6 months we were ace. The odd issue once a fortnight but nothing that wasn’t long standing. To the point where she said this is the best she felt in a relationship ever. 

Then over the last 6 months she started training for the force. She had never done full time work prior to this and obviously the job has some trials and tribulations to get through. This just made all the strategies null and void. Her episodes became far far more chaotic and unpredictable and a few times the physical boundary was crossed. 

As such it got to the point where for my own safety and peace of mind it was best we ended things. 

Things ended on amicable terms, despite a lot of love bombing a few minutes after it was amicable. She’s since distanced and cut me off from everything which is fine and best for both of us I think. 

My question is, I do still and always will be loving this woman. It pains me to think she’s running round not knowing what’s wrong. From specialists that I know due to my job and my psych they’ve implored me that BPD should be diagnosed through self discovery and not be labelled by a partner and in particular an ex. I just want to at least ease her confusion and she was often saying I know somethings wrong but I don’t know what. 

She’s seeing a counsellor in the force but I used to consult with the force on a medical basis and know for a fact that these people aren’t trained or licensed to delve into these matters they’re more sounding boards for stress and anxiety and if there’s a bigger issue involving shootings or trauma they bring in an actual psych 

I get there may be skeptics or people that think I may be labelling etc. please know this is coming from a good spot and heart and I have been through enormous amounts of research and discovery for this and everything classical for BPD fits my ex to a tee. Just pains me knowing that she’s out there and her symptoms could learn to be managed