My fucking laziness has ruined my life. I wont be able to go to college for performing arts cuz im really shit at dance and singing and drama and everyones been doing it for so much longer than i have. Theyre so experienced and im just shit. I could do a levels for forensic psychology but my report is so fucking shit that id get rejected on the day of my fucking interview. Im so fucking tired of living. I just want to sleep and never wake up. Just sleep for days and days on end. Just die is what i think works best. Maybe then i wont feel so alone. I really just feel so tired of existing and to top it all off i think my sister might be close to a relapse in her psychosis. If she has a relapse that means ill have to go back to seeing my dad whilst my mums at work. I cant see him. Hes  absolutely horrible and i hate the way he makes me feel. He acted in a way that was bordering on SA and the worst thing is it was all my fault. I tried telling social workers but they didnt believe me and said i was making up accusations to get back at my dad for not accepting me when i came out. He can see me whenever he wants and i never feel safe, never feel calm and hes always coming to pick my brother up as we stay at mums house during the week so i always hear him and see him everywhere. I dont want to live anymore. I think that im going to commit suicide today. Life isnt worth living and ill never truly be happy.

~chris