Feeling worse this morning. I really feel like no one will ever love me. They will think I’m “a great girl” with “a kind heart”, I’m “intelligent” and “funny.” Then when I get in a “mood” they will not have the skills to handle it and leave. I will be left alone in my bedroom, as I am now. Every year it continues. Perhaps a different guy or girl will come into my life for a bit. But they will go. And I will be here. I’ve been isolating and not eating. It’s like I have stage 4 cancer and no one knows.  I think about ending my life but my sisters wedding is this October and that will surely ruin that day for her. Thinking of hanging in there until October really makes me never want to leave my bedroom. I will not be calling 211 or a therapist or psychiatrist. All the typical advice people give has been done already. Therapy makes me feel more suicidal. There’s no real question or answer here. It’s a sunny Saturday at 1pm and I don’t want to leave my bed. I am so tired of not feeling loved or understood. I think people would be upset at first, but they will move on as people do. At least they have kids and partners to interact with. I have nothing