**TW: brief description of self harm, not graphic**

I’m not diagnosed, but i’m pretty sure i have quiet bpd.
I can’t stop my anger because it just comes on suddenly and I can’t control myself. I’ll start punching my head and biting myself, leaving marks, i’ll throw things and scream and cry. I’ve tried looking up advice, but a lot of articles talk about how to detail with your BPD partner, and the others aren’t helpful tips for me.
I know I don’t deserve this, I deserve love and gentleness from myself but in the moment I just feel so angry. I’m beyond rationality, all I can do is self destruct. I’m so afraid of myself, and I’m afraid one day I’ll lash out at someone I love and hurt them. 

Therapy isn’t an option at the moment, but in the future when I can afford it, I will get help, but if anyone has any tips that have helped them in similar circumstances, I would truly greatly appreciate it.