I don't know how to describe this feelings, maybe is loneliness or i don't know. I've been doubting everything,  i don't see any reason for my own existence, i feel i haven't reached anything in life. I wanted to cry, but i can't, i haven't found a right moment to do it, or maybe i just don't want my family to know about it. 
I've been having abnormal thoughts, that i don't feel comftarble about them, that they only made me feel more miserable, i feel i'm being judge. I don't know if they are the meds or another symptom of schizophrenia that i haven't noticed. 
I haven't seen my psychiatrist in three months, but i'm supposed to see ir this month.
I also fear leaving my house.
I'm also doubting about my own reality, like if the things a i've been learning aren't what i expected, according to my own distorted thoughts, that also made me feel bad. 
And when i get like this i start seeing, hearing  or even feeling or smelling things.
I don't wanna worry my family.