I left therapy after months of saying *nothing* to her. I couldn't, I didn't understand anything I felt and now some of them clicked. I was watching a TED talk about suicide, a woman read her husband's journal – a depressed man who killed himself. Even though he was successful, had a wife who he loved and adorable children, he wasn't happy. It was always about how he would make his family happy. 

I don't know what I want. I want to have kids someday, but because I want to make them happy. I want to give them what I couldn't have. When I was younger, I wanted to travel the world. Now I don't understand how that could make me happy. All my hobbies are meant to impress other people, I don't know what career path I want to follow, what are my dreams, motivations... I don't know nothing, and when I think I do know something, I don't know if I really know that. Sometimes I think everything about my life is fake. I am not depressed all the time, though. When I am not thinking about myself, but engaged in something else. I've been taking medications for 4 months now, they were supposed to be working. Do I need time to find my way?