My bipolar is in remission, kind of. I still have moments where I'm in severe mood distress but they pass, and are usually associated with akathisia from my Latuda or life events.

However something that's been ongoing for a while. I think part of my subconscious might want me dead. I do careless, dumb things sometimes. This morning I reached into a roof cavity to reinstall a down light WHEN THE LIGHTS WERE CLEARLY ON. I'd already reached up and touched the back of the power socket which could have been bad, but nothing happened. I realised and turned off the lights then continued.

I've also noticed I can be really impulsive when I cross the street, almost completely blase about whether or not I get hit. Then I realise "Hey that was a bit dumb", but I always realise after.

I also joke a bit with people about "having an accident" as if it would be a better way to go than for my family to have a clear suicide on their conscience.

Should I be worried about this?  I'm not on lithium anymore (can't take it cos of my skin issues) but I don't remember experiencing this on lithium. I'm on Depakote and Latuda.