     I believe love is the most powerful thing in the universe. Love is holding Someone in your arms and never wanting that moment to end.  It's hearing their laugh and feeling pure joy in your soul. Love is looking into someone's eyes and remembering all the good times, and the bad and still wanting to stare into those eyes for the rest of your life.  It's not always good, love involves a lot of strength, forgiveness, growth. You will struggle, there will be hard times,. you will make many sacrifices. 
     Humans are delicate, but humans are monsters.  Humans are designed to destroy themselves.  Though we struggle to be the ideal human we always continue to fight. We fight to be more intellegant, stronger,happier, but most importantly we fight for the people we love. We fight for our mothers, fathers, daughters, our partners.  They are the ones who give us strength and motivation. They give us the willpower to be the best human we can be in this life. That is what this man was to me.  
       No man has ever made me feel this way. No man has made me look in the mirror and say ,"I can be better" more importantly no man has ever made me realize I will be.  I have planned more of my future the past few months then I ever have.  I have goals now. True motivation. A family. Alexander and my daughter have given me the best gift I could ever ask for, strength.  Even though I am still weak some days I am fighting to be a better human then the previous day, but though I have the mindset to grow with this man I still struggle a lot emotionally. I don't want to feel like my mental illness controls my life. But it often plays a strong impact on my daily life.  Some days I wake up feeling so worthless or ugly or feeling like my life has no value, and that makes me act angry, cry,  take out my aggressions on the two people who mean everything to me. The fact I do that and feel like I lose control of the situation makes me feel like my world is collapsing and all I can do is watch it fall apart, I can't actually change the situation. Then the panic starts. 
     The panic usually just makes me imagine where I'd be without them.  My heart crumbles.  I'm nothing without them.  All strength leaves my body. I fall to the floor, and as I lose hope for what I want the future to be I feel like I have control again. Control of my body, of  my voice.  I can't fix what had just happened with a simple apology, this happens too often.....i feel so bad. Everytime this happens I feel like my world has ended and I was to weak to do anything but stand and watch. At this point I feel like he's going to leave any moment so I try to beg for forgiveness and tell him I love him and hold him if i can. At this point he's so mad or upset, he becomes so cold when we argue our fight. And honestly i don't blame him....
     I know how old it gets, I know its annoying, i know it makes him want to leave. But everyday i am so grateful he doesn't. He treats me so different then anyone else ever has.  He makes me feel like i can conquer the world.  I can be anything. I can have full control. I don't know how I got such a perfect, beautiful and strong soul by my side. But everyday he shows me the world isn't all cold, and that my life is worth living. I never deserved this love. But I now know what love is. I've never looked at some one the way I look at the night sky, but I swear this man placed every star there.  I wouldn't trade this life for anything. 
    Thank you for opening my eyes. For staying by my side. For giving me the oppertunity to change the way I live my life, and holding my hand while I fight. I love you. 


