So I’ve been seeing my psychologist for almost 18 months now. I’m usually on track and trying to get myself places, but I’ve recently been really self-destructive with suicidal ideation. Basically, I made some stupid decisions over the last few months and when I told her about it, she was so blunt/rude. She’s said something like “you’re borderline” and kept rolling her eyes when I spoke. Then she proceeded to tell me that I need to go and see a psychiatrist to get officially diagnosed with BPD. I asked why a few times and she kept specifying the diagnosis. 

So I book and attend the appointment with the psychiatrist, where she literally went through more with me than my psychologist ever has. On top of that, she didn’t blame me for anything and she was so understanding. She recommended I get a pet and try to pursue the things I love in life. She also said that anti depression pills will help, but it is my decision to take it or not. When she got to addressing my coping mechanisms, she was shocked that I went to therapy for 18 months and we never practiced how to control my breathing when I’m having a panic attack. She didn’t seem impressed by my psychologist at all, which is funny because all my psychologist wanted was a diagnosis. 

After that, I realised how low and worthless my therapist was making me feel and that not all therapists have your best interest at heart. I actually think very few truly do, but I guess the ones who do make it worth the search. Anyway, I cancelled 2 of my appointments with her and I hope to never see her again. I’ve been going solo for a while now and it feels good. Sure, I’d love someone to speak to, but not if I’m going to leave feeling like garbage. 

Moral of the story, if there is one, careful who you see as your therapist/psychologist. Sometimes our symptoms are worsened by those trying to cure them.