I remember getting upset. I remember going numb. But... That was all I remember. It was like something took over me, and my web searches from that time frame were disturbing. I was looking up blades and knives. I had very disturbing thoughts that blinded me from knowing what was going on, similar to flashbacks...

But it was me thinking about all the ways I can commit suicide.

I'm fine now, but I'm still shaken up about it... Is this normal? Does this go beyond BPD?