I don’t want to be another suicide, but I’m so terrified I will be. 

I no longer can predict my emotions, I feel like I’m not even living. 

It feels as if someone is piloting me and telling me what to feel, yet I can’t hear them tell me anything. 

I never know what to expect when I wake up, every waking moment is a guessing game of “oh, what will my mood be in 20 minutes?” 

I don’t want to kill myself, but I know I eventually  will. 
I’m doing everything and anything to remind myself that the future will be good.

Why is it so hard? 
