Hello, I just wanted to write out some helpful tools I've been using to cope with my new diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. I saw a lot of posts on this page by people asking how they can help their significant other work through this diagnosis and what they can do to make it easier for them. I'm by no means a therapist but these tools have been helping me and my boyfriend out for the last couple of months. 


To introduce myself a bit I'm a 21y/o female and I was diagnosed with BPD on November 8th of this year. I've also been diagnosed with C-PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, and Anxiety. Lots of people have multiple diagnosis, it's normal, but nonetheless hard as all hell to handle at times. Sometimes it's too hard to handle alone which brings me to my first point;


-Seek out help. This can be difficult for BPD peeps because a lot of my personal self doubt comes from not being validated as a child by my parents. I grew up thinking asking people for help was either going to lead me nowhere or they weren't going to believe me and it would absolutely crush me. That's where I start to "disassociate" myself from situations, types of people, and places where I could run the risk of feeling that huge weight on my chest. Completely blocking my brain of the idea that if I was feeling depressed, or having suicidal thoughts, seeking help was NOT going to help me whatsoever. Understand that shit gets hard at times. It's okay to schedule an appointment to speak with someone about what's been troubling you. Reach out to trustworthy friends and family. Remind yourself constantly that people care about you. Sometimes a stranger like a therapist may offer better advice and tools for you to specifically use in your situation. 


-Communication is key. As amazing as my boyfriend is, he unfortunately can't read my mind. Let alone my facial expressions when I'm struggling. At times when I've been triggered by whatever, I struggle to communicate. I either come off as an angry monster or I simply don't speak, I shut down. My boyfriend and I created a different channel of communication so that we don't just block each other out. We bought a journal that we can both write notes and draw pictures for each other. When I feel like telling him something I'll grab that notebook and write my feelings out or draw a simple picture, then I'll tuck it under his pillow and he'll respond within the day. It's meditative and I'm keeping the communication open! 


-Understand your potential triggers and ways you could cope with them. Sit down with yourself or with your significant other and discuss what could potentially be a trigger for you. This can be ANYTHING. Words, places, gestures, songs, anything. This helps you identify what your emotions in the moment could stem from. I recently said out loud for the first time that I don't like having sex with my shirt off. Everytime my boyfriend and I would get spicy and he'd reach to pull my shirt off, I'd get a flashback or feel an intense fight or flight jolt in my body. I verbally expressed this to him in the moment out of fear for the first time and he took it so well. He wrapped me up in a big hug and pulled me back to remind me that he was here for me and that it didn't bother him if I didn't take my hoodie off. He spent the next 20 minutes helping me relax and I was able to recover quicker than normal. Sitting down with myself and my boyfriend to discuss my triggers improved my day to day life with him at home greatly. 


-Create a reliable support system. I got married at a young age to escape my mother and her abusive behavior but ignored how damaging my ex was to me as well. I created a space where I was so dependent on him that leaving would absolutely wreck me and or put me in a situation where I was homeless so I thought leaving him wasn't an option. In 2018 I filed for a divorce and moved back in with my mother temporarily to get back on my feet until I was able to move out. I had to put school on hold, social events to the side, and missed out on lots of things I wanted to do just so I could save money and move out. It was extremely difficult but I made it out of my mother's and found an incredible guy to live with. We were roommates first and then slowly fell in love with each other over the year and now we share a one bedroom. He's been so supportive of me and everything I do that it's almost been too perfect. I self sabotage my relationship with him on a weekly basis but because our communication is so open and honest we are very strong. I also removed all toxic people out of my life no matter how hard and I've slowly been incorporating great people back into my friend circle. People I can go to for anything. People that take the time to ask ME to hang out with them. 


-Most importantly, remember to love yourself. It's easy to feel broken in this diagnosis. Easy to fall into the traps your own mind creates. No matter how broken you feel try and practice self love daily. You are your own best friend. Talk to yourself in the mirror. Smile at yourself. Instead of calling yourself a fuck up for forgetting something, or disassociating while a friend was talking, remind your conscious that you're a human. Mistakes happen. People go through things. It's normal to feel as if there's no way out for you. No hope. I have to constantly remind myself that there's a spirit inside my body who needs love and attention like everyone else. I shouldn't feel guilty for wanting approval from loved ones or physical contact. I am a human being with needs. I am worthy of love. I'm diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I'm still living. I am okay and will be okay. 


Hope this helped someone today. Thanks for listening ♥️