I seem to notice a very common theme in my life that I become very up-beat, lively, confident, crack jokes constantly, and might I say I feel euphoric on occasion when I am in a managerial position and talking to colleagues and people I'm on charge of.
I am generally an introvert, I don't want to get too much into the details but let's just say I am very extreme on the introvert part. Generally I am also not a very happy person, if I were to take a guess I would also say I'm depressed. I am always reluctant to work because I hate interacting with people, so I put mask and try to force that extraverted part as much as possible, but almost always I get so into it that I don't know if I'm putting a mask anymore. Sometimes I'm so into it that I truly feel like a talkative, up-beat and funny person. Faking it until you make it doesn't feel clichéd anymore. When I am this exuberant type person it is hard for me to look at my introverted depressed self and think I ever felt like that guy, and vice versa -- when I am introverted and depressed it's hard for me to believe I was this happy, friendly, productive, charming and talkative guy. Admittedly I do feel choked up a lot of the time and just wish I had a break alone to sit on the ground and stare at the wall because of the exhaustion from having to talk a lot, so that rekindles the depression.

But it's like a cycle. In order for me to be that guy I have to force myself to do it even if I don't want to, and eventually it grows on me, but after I stop (weekends, holiday breaks, etc) I return to my depressed and introverted state.

When I'm in into it I feel a lot better than I ever do when I'm introverted, yet as I am writing this I have no desire to talk to anyone, and am not feeling very great either.

Why would I not want to tap into that extraverted self if it makes me happier? Why is up with me?