I've always had thoughts and daydreams of torturing and killing my mum and other people that have hurt me (in my head it makes sense because I feel pain 100x worse than "normal" people). 
But in the last 3 - 6 months I've been thinking about killing my friends. Even if I'm not mad or hurt by them. For me, this doesn't make sense, since I'm not (at that moment) angry at them. Also, I like these thoughts, I'm just scared that I'll actually do it.  

Lastly; No, I'm not actually diagnosed with BPD or any mental illness yet. But, my psychologist is nearly certain I have one. And yes, I'm seeing a psychologist but it hasn't helped me yet.

Have any of you guys experienced something similar to what I'm going through right now? (I'm not asking for a diagnosis, I'm just wondering if any of you have experienced this before)

Sorry if this post is a mess. I'm not a native speaker, and I'm too tired to correct my grammar. 