A little over four months ago, my relationship of over two years ended. My partner left me for the person they told me they couldn’t ever love more than me, and that I had nothing to worry about. I trusted them and they destroyed that. 

I moved back home, all the while they gaslit me into thinking it was my choice. Once I got home, almost a thousand miles away, I began to spiral. My family was in the midst of drama between my aging parents (one struggling with memory loss, the other with alcoholism). My dog from high school has also begun declining, and will be crossing the rainbow bridge any week now. 

Following the breakup, I struggled with alcohol and substance abuse for several months, which I’ve only just begun to get control of. I was sexually assaulted twice in the span of two months. My relatives have died of COVID. I’ve been unable to find a good job that actually uses my degree in the time since moving home as well. 

I find myself unable to form meaningful connections with friends or family. I can’t be open with anyone because I don’t feel I can trust them. I’m worried that anyone and everyone could leave me at a moments notice. I can’t get my ex off my mind and the feelings of inadequacy and abandonment are staying strong. I don’t feel the ability to love. 

I don’t know where I’m going with this, but it’s my first time posting here, and I guess I just need to know that I’m not alone, and that I can stop spiraling and live a good, fulfilling life. I need to recover from the fallout of what’s been my life for about 4 months now. 

I’m sorry if this isn’t the kind of post I should be making, but at this point, therapy and psychiatric treatment and medication are all failing me. What can I do? Where do I go from here?