Me (22M) and my partner (20F) have been together for 3 years. She was diagnosed with bpd whilst we were together, since then I’ve been constantly supporting her as best as I can. I’ve helped her schedule all her psychiatrist and psychologist appointments, paid for them, fetch her and accompany her to every single appointment. But she has had no signs of improvement after close to a year of treatment, instead her bpd seems to be getting more intense and disruptive. Ill list some of her traits that i struggle to understand and cope with.

1. Her fear of abandonment: she’s constantly insecure I’m going to leave and I’ve had to give up friends, family, and even take a year off school because she couldn’t handle the thought of me meeting other girls. She would go into a full breakdown and start lashing out at me with accusations at the thought of it. I struggle to understand this because I’ve always stayed by her side throughout all these years even after finding out she was unfaithful and lies about it for a whole year.

2. Obsessed with what I do. She needs to know where I am 24/7, who I am, every conversation I have and what the contents are. She also routinely checks my phone, socials, mail, gallery under the pretext that if i have nothing to hide i should let her check. She gets angry and insecure if something wasnt updated and starts accusing me of trying to hide and being dishonest. 

3. Daily conversation brings back ‘traumatic’ memories for her. She says she cant control it, but seeing anything poker related would remind her of the time i played poker with the boys without updating her. And instantly she would get moody. Unfortunately over the years she has collected a lot of ‘traumatic’ memories and everything random just triggers her.

I love her and i would give the world for her. I’ve given her everything that i possibly can, she has a comfortable life without much worries. At this point I dont know how else i can help her heal. All advice and insights would be appreciated…