Hi Dudes and Dudettes.
I'm 27 and i'm suffering depression for almost 11-12 years (if not before)

I'm going to therapy since. Always left and returned. From a couple years i'm going non stop. Sometimes i feel everything is going to work out in the end, i feel centrated and almost happy. But, time to time, i go down. I can't help myself in thinking that this is never going to end. I don't think i deserve to exist, i've been struggling with suicide thoughts. 

I'm don't enjoy anything anymore, nothing attracts me, My libido is dead.
I don't enjoy sex, i'm suffering from porn addiction. In the last month i've been with 2 girls but i don't feel it anymore. I can't even get an erection, i can't enjoy beign with someone.

I drown myself in alcohol anytime i can. I just can't do it anymore.

A couple of weeks ago, i came back from a party with My Friends, when i was alone at Home (drunk) i started looking for a rope i had, i wanted to hang myself. 

Really, i want to be better but i know i can't. I always go down sooner or later.