People who were really good to me always leave. Thats the main issue in my life. I usually think its my fault, that I wasnt good enough, that I didnt act properly, that I wasnt able to keep them in my life. 

Now its my psychiatrist. She was far from being perfect but shes the only one I ever appreciated. The latest months, I felt that she was trying to get more detached. I know its not my fault, she is being sent to complete her medical training elsewhere. But Im saddened that I can never keep those nice people in my life for more than one or two years.

I know its just a doctor. But this reminds me of how much I miss one of my exes. I feel like I always have to feel abandoned, I always miss someone from the past, so I never fully appreciate the time that I spend with the ones who are still there in my life. Its hard to realize that this feeling of loss has always been there,  That even if my ex was back, within a few months Id still feel like I lost someone (else). It seems like I NEED to mourn someone.

