i was diagnosed with bipolar 2 around a year ago and i feel like even in that time my experience with bipolar has constantly shifted and changed.

the way my mania presents itself is almost that it makes me a normal person??? i’ll go out a lot, become an over-achiever in my college classes, and be super confident in myself. 

this makes it hard when i come down because it was like almost having a glimpse of what being a normal person was like. 

however, when i started to feel depressed, it almost feels good??? like thank god i’m feeling something that feels so normal and so much more like me. it’s terrible and at times, i feel unbearable, undefinable sadness. but it feels almost like home

sometimes i worry that im making this whole thing up in my head and that im just faking it. i feel at constant war with myself and convince myself on a daily basis that im a shitty person who’s faking my problems to keep the attention on me. 

i sometimes feel like im going insane. like i have no control over my own brain. my sense of reality becomes so distorted that i can’t even tell if im really feeling something or just making it up in my own head

does anyone else feel like this???