So I made a fake Instagram account to follow certain private accounts of people I was curious about (boyfriends exes, etc). I would compare my self to multiple people and ask "why can't I look like that", or "why isn't my boyfriend still with her? She looks like she's doing so much better than me". This continued for 4 years until today I finally let go. 

It became an addiction to the point where I would check it as soon as I woke up, almost every day. This is an emarassing story to tell but I wanted to tell it in case someone else is going through the same thing. 

Stalking made my BPD so much worse and I'm glad I finally ripped off the bandaid.