Like even if things are going my way I still have this cloud over me. Like something always feels off. Like I’d still rather be dead. I still just want to just lay in bed all day and do absolutely nothing. Im still not happy. I could have it all and still be depressed. I feel like maybe im starting to just like being depressed because it’s comforting in a way. Whenever im happy for a brief moment( which is rare in itself)  it doesn’t feel right and I immediately regress back to my depressed state. Happiness feels so foreign to me. It’s like I don’t want to get better. I want to get worse so I can eventually end my life. Can anyone else relate to this?