I never know how to structure this shit so Im just gonna ramble. Ive (19f) been dating my boyfriend (20m) for a little over a year now. Its always been hard because of my bpd, I wasnt able to even really grasp it until maybe 4 months ago. I know Ive made him change a lot for me and that guilt is near crippling. I know my expectations seem way too high. Everything hurts my feelings. Im always trying to convince him that the good things he thinks about me arent true and it makes him feel invalidated because hes doing everything he can to show me he loves me. Hes cut his friends off several times, granted they werent very good friends. Sometimes I wonder though if its the friends or if its me. His best friend is a complete narcissist. I used to be friends with him too until he started crossing all of my boundaries. When I first started trying to get better on my own is when I noticed how bad he affected me. He would show up to our house without telling us, really just doing everything he could to take up my boyfriends time. I felt very left out and it hurt a lot. Eventually my boyfriend came around and realized his friend was a narcissist and not a very good person to be around, but he doesnt know anyone else and its his only friend. Weve gone thru a lot of back and forth breakups and a lot of the time for me it’s because of this friend. He just makes me feel so threatened and hes never gone for good. Ive been in arguments with him and he always tells me Im a psycho bitch who doesnt care about her issues, which isnt true at all. Ive failed a lot but Ive also tried soooo hard to get better. It seems like every step I take though I just get more confused. After this friend showed up unannounced today and brought another friend who I really dont like, I told my boyfriend that was it and Ive had it. I gave his friend the chance to still come over by setting those boundaries and he just doesnt care. He told my boyfriend he didnt care what I wanted, he was going to do what he wanted to do because he isnt a “part time friend”. He acts like it isnt my house, like I dont pay half the rent and live there. He comes in and sets his own rules and disrespects me as well as my boyfriend and my boyfriend just kind of lets him because hes afraid of seeming like an asshole. Bf and I fought about it and now I just feel like Im unintentionally isolating him. I dont want to do that, I know he needs friends outside of me I just wish they were better friends who werent straight up selfish assholes. He said hed cut them all off and now Im scared that this is all my fault. I feel like Im ruining his life one day at a time. I dont even know how to explain all of this. The way he talks about it makes it seem like Im really the one to blame, not his friends. He tells me he knows his friends arent good but theyre the best he has. Maybe I just hate his friend because Ive totally split on him? I tried to tolerate him but he just wont respect my boundaries. Am I wrong in this? I just want my bf to be happy but I feel like I keep unintentionally manipulating him and it hurts a lot. I just want to be happy with him, its my favorite relationship so far and I really want it to work but I just feel like this is not sustainable at all for a relationship. Anybody have any idea how to navigate relationships in a healthy way? Sorry for the long post, and thanks for reading if you got all the way to the bottom. This is probably pretty confusing. I can answer any questions if it helps