Right now, I am in a situation with a friend in which we both know we like each other. I tried to rush things into commitment a-la-incredibly-BPD, and he began being distant. We then had a talk, and I thought we were fine, but then he seemed distant again after. Yesterday, we were supposed to hang out, but he blew me off for a "family event" but then ended up hanging out with his friends instead. I know things aren't black-and-white; it's very likely that he's still feeling rushed about everything and just needs space. But I can't help but think, "Oh, yeah, well he must be getting ready to leave me."

I try to make lists about why I care about people to make things easier when I begin devaluing them. But the thing is, these always just feel very superficial and *me, me, me*.

He remembers what I like. He is there for me when I need to vent. He is patient with me and tries to meet my needs. He cares a lot about me. He got me water when I smoked too much. He taught me how to do an oil change.

These are always so difficult for me to care about when stacked against thoughts of, "Yeah, well, he lied to me about what his plans were tonight. He didn't communicate that he was feeling uncomfortable. He doesn't ever initiate hangouts. He pulls away before he communicates."

I just don't know what good to look for in him, because all the good I found in him was during my idealized state. **What do you like about your partners and friends that run deep enough for you to actually, genuinely be grateful for them?**