So here's my thing: I have plenty of friends. Close relationships with most of them too. But they are all best friends with each other and not me. I realized this recently.

At one point I thought I had a mutual best friend relationship, but that changed when he got engaged. I was so happy for him and gave him unlimited support. But when it came to being a his best man or even a groomsmen I wasn't picked, but literally everyone else around me was.

That hurt me. Like a lot.

The same thing is happening again with another friend of mine which I thought we were mutual best friends, but no, again.

It's one thing to not have any friends whatsoever and feel lonely, but it's a different vibe when you have plenty of friends and you are none of their best friends. None of their first choice. The one person that always comes last.

I'm tired of being the third wheel. I'm tired of being the one at the bottom. I'm not even the second or third choice. I'm always the backup. The last resort. Part of me wants to just cut everyone off and shun them permanently but when I find a new group of friends the same thing is gonna happen and it's just gonna be an endless cycle of hate and resentment.

I don't know how to deal with this. I hate what my social life is now. I feel cold and alone all the time even with friends.

What's the point of living if there's no one who truly cares?