My bf (37) and I (33) have been together for two years, and in that time I have tried to handle his long and complicated history with mental illness.

He is diagnosed Borderline and Bipolar. It’s been... a lot. He’s lost jobs, he lost his car, etc. He cannot handle much responsibility. But the biggest challenge has been the relationship and dynamic he has with his child. His child is young, and he has been divorced for about 6 years. 

He has weekly visits with his child, dotes (in a very over the top way; most of the interaction is just him telling the child how cute they are) on them, and at the end of every visit he has a complete meltdown about how he never should have had children, is a bad father, loves the child so much but can’t handle the emotion of seeing them.

This has gone on for 2 years. I have attended therapy with him, tried to make plans to alleviate the stress I know is coming on his parenting days. I’ve reached out for help from his family (they have essentially walked away from him at this point), have encouraged him to go to inpatient (he refuses). Nothing is getting better.

If I leave him I think things would get very bad for him, in that they are already bad but would become much worse. If I stay I am compromising my life and sanity for his illness. He goes to therapy weekly but beyond that I see him making no changes or taking any steps to improve. The therapists he sees (I have my own now to help me deal with all of this) are nice, but even they can only do so much. 

There’s no plan, there’s no working towards improvement, it’s just a weekly vent session followed by a breakdown on his parenting day. 

I am so torn and I have no help. I know some will say “get out now” and some will see me as selfish and horrible for wanting to get out. I just need outside perspective badly. What would YOU do?