I get really angry at recovery and accountability advice because it's so fucking unfair. 

"BPD isn't an excuse." Oh yeah? Then what's your excuse asshole? What's everyone else's excuse for being so disgusting and inhumane and shitty? Some of us have trauma, and some of us are just born shitty, grow up shitty, and die shitty without ever being mentally ill. Where is your fucking accountability check on those people? Oh, I have to fucking forgive? No, I want the people that traumatized me to really, really suffer. And I want everyone to suffer that suggests otherwise. 

"You have a responsibility to heal." No, the fuck I don't. I now qualify for government-assisted death. I don't have to keep doing this shit for others. I can fucking die with your tax dollars and then maybe, if you care so fucking much, you will feel just a tiny, tiny fraction of what it's like to be me every single fucking day. Most painful mental illness and you'll never fucking know what it's like with your small, limited scope of feeling. How fucking dare anyone suggests I stay alive for them. You want me to keep suffering for you? When there are fucking studies that show you couldn't handle walking a day in my shoes? Boo fucking hoo, you're sad sometimes? Wow, that must be so hard, surely I wouldn't fucking know. 

The only thing that fucking helps is when a good friend makes jokes at my expense and tells me to just chill out. Or when I can laugh at suicidal jokes. Or when people agree that, yeah, the people that hurt me probably do deserve to suffer and they only don't because life is unfair. And no one holds them accountable because no one actually fucking means it when they say they support you. They only hold that sort of love for their children and then they're shitty to literally everyone else and then demand you stay alive as a prop in their life. 

Jesus fuck, just let me die, please?