This is going to be a longer story; TL;DR at the end. 

I am pretty recently diagnosed with BPD (Jan 2021). I have really been struggling with trying different coping mechanisms and how to handle my symptoms when they appear. My most common symptom is feeling like I am on the cost of being abandoned and not being good enough for those around me. 

My FP and I operate an AirBnb together. He and I have had some bickering about it in the past, but overall it's been pretty good. I manage the day-to-day like cleaning and messaging guests, and he does more of the financial side of things. Last weekend (3-6-21) I had a guest that requested a stay for this past Saturday and he needed a late check out time. I messaged my FP and asked if he would help me clean so we can accommodate the late check out time (check out 90 mins before the next guest arrives). This is not uncommon for us to help each other out, and I told him if he didn't want to or couldn't I would just tell the guest I can still let him leave late, just not that late. 

Fast forward to this Sunday, the day the late checkout guest is leaving. My FP and I hadn't talked that much, I was spending some time with my husband and I assumed he was doing the same. We talked a bit in the early morning, just the typical 'good morning, how are you?' etc. When it got to be around the time for the guest to checkout, I messaged my FP and told him that I would be headed a bit early to get some things organized and all the cleaning supplies ready so we can start right when the guest leaves. This is when he blew up on me. Below is the exchange we had via text: 

Me: *I am going to arrive at the bnb a little bit early so I can get everything ready and we can get cleaning right when the guest leaves.*

FP: *Why didn't you remind me before now?* 

Me: *I didn't know you needed reminded.* 

FP: *Wtf is wrong with you? You knew that I wouldn't remember, yet you didn't feel the need to bring it up today.* 

Me: *So you're upset with me because I didn't micromanage your schedule?* 

FP: *You know what I'm upset about.* 

Me: *I'm not sure I do.* 

FP: *I'm not coming. You don't actually need my help, and I have zero desire to argue with you.* 

After that I cleaned, but there was an actual problem that I needed to talk to him about, so I finally got him to answer his phone (he declined several times) and of course that started a fight. He answered angry and the call ended up with him yelling at me to "finish cleaning the bnb!" I said "excuse me? Talk to me like I'm a human being". The reply was "You heard me, finish cleaning the bnb!" then he hung up. 

&amp;#x200B;

I have since told him that I am no longer going to be involved in the bnb. I completely did not want to do that. I complain about it sometimes and some days I don't want to go clean, but overall I absolutely love it. More so, I also love what it represents. He and I built it together. It was something that he and I shared. Kind of a connection that was special between just us two. I am afraid that this is going to end our friendship. He is not one that has the personality that can manage taking over all the work that I was doing, and I don't think he will be able to get help from anybody for the rate that we were splitting the proceeds. On the other hand, I don't think that the way that he was speaking to me was acceptable. I know it takes a lot to be friends with someone who has BPD and I give him credit and thanks for that constantly, but it doesn't give him a right to treat me the way he did. All today I have been completely anxious and feel guilty for even saying anything. I wish that I could just take it all back. This is why I don't feel comfortable standing up for myself. Of course my support group keeps saying "If someone is going to treat you that way, is that really someone that you want in your life?" I don't think they can possibly understand that the answer is yes, that I do. 

&amp;#x200B;

TL;DR-

FP and I got into a fight because I didn't remind him he would help me with something. Fight escalated into him barking out commands and (imo) treating me like a non-human subordinate. Now I am scared that our friendship is not going to survive me standing up for myself and I feel so guilty.