I wrote this for anyone that is dealing with, dealt with or knows someone that is dealing with depression. I feel lead to share it with you all, in hopes that it will help someone gain defeat against this battle. I have battled and still fight it when it arises.

I didn't wish this upon myself and truly somewhere inside of me, doesn't want to die. I have been screaming inside for help, but depression has removed the sound from my screams and keeps me imprisoned inside my own self so that it can accomplish what it came for. I can only try to help you understand what is going on in the mind of a depressed person.

And this MY explanation and opinion:

I know I feel like I am being remotely controlled by something else. I care nothing about myself, feel like there is no hope, feels like there is no escape, all I can feel is pain within, it consumes your thoughts. I feel so lost and confused, and you just want it to stop and go away. You don't want to deal with those thoughts anymore, it gets to be to much. There is no why, what, when, where, how, better or anything positive that is allowed to reside in your mind when it has been taken over by depression. Everything positive that we feel as humans has been highjacked and replaced by the emotion of depression.

Even all of our natural senses are now controlled by the emotion of depression. Everything that we see, smell, taste, hear, and touch are no longer tools to investigate the world around us that bring pleasure. They have been transformed into reminders of everything that has caused us pain and darkness in our life. To look through your own eyes daily and only able to see the things that constantly remind you of everything that hurts, is enough alone to cause a collapse within yourself. 

It is a biological warfare inside of your own body. Our limbic system, hormones, DNA structure all have been recoded by the emotion of depression. We are no longer same. We no longer think, feel, react, comprehend and function like a person that would who is not affected by the emotion of depression. So therefore, how can someone who hasn't been affected and live with this battle of depression understand or pass judgement. It's the same as someone living with cancer or any other disease, unless you have had it yourself, then how can you understand what that person is going through. I don't know what it is like to be living or dying with lung cancer, I have never had it. So I can't tell someone who does have it, how they should feel. I can only offer comfort to something I know nothing of. 

If you haven't been affected by depression or any other disease, then what you think you understand of it, is only a fabrication of your imagination. If you haven't dealt with this invisible demon, then your not entitled to tell me what you think you know. You can offer your love, comfort and support. And it may not always be welcomed and I apologize for those un-welcomed moments, but it's not ME that you are talking to at that time. I have been highjacked by something that can't be detected by any kind medical test. Something that still remains a open debate mystery to doctors, scientist and all of the rest of us. We can only speculate what we have observed from it. Reach out.