I made a comment about the scars on my stomach to my best friend and I feel bad because he shouldn't ever have to think about self harm or worry about me self-harming.😞I even made a beans joke in front of another friend and i have no clue wtf i was thinking. I have friends online that I can say these sorts of things to, but I can't do that with my friends in real life. They don't selfharm, they shouldn't have to think about it, or depression. I have also made comments about wanting to lose weight, but I know my friends are slightly heavier than I am and so I am worried that I will hurt their feelings by saying that. I don't think they are fat or anything close to fat though, I only think that about myself🥺😔. I feel like the selfharm and depression comments/occasional dark/self-depricating humor just makes them uncomfortable to be around me, even though that's probably not true and it's probably just me being paranoid and afraid that my friends don't like me, even though they are always reassuring me that they do, and I know that they care about me, which makes me feel bad because I don’t want them to think that their actions don’t mean anything to me - because they do. They mean so much to me. I just love them so much and I am deathly afraid that I'm going to do something to ruin our relationships or make them not want to be my friend anymore, or like me anymore. I don't know what I would do without them.😞