I might have bpd, I have an appointment on Wednesday, which also happens to be my mom’s birthday (my birthday’s on Friday, and I sometimes wonder if she did that on purpose). I’ve been avoiding her texts for like 5 days, and anything in the world sounds better than spending time with her. Anything I like about myself she hates, any stance I take she disagrees with. I’m not really ready to go NC, and honestly I don’t know if I can. But this past week I’ve had several panic attacks, and just about every mood swing from getting black out drunk and showing all my friends my boobs (I don’t usually drink for similar reasons), to passively begging the universe for the sweet release of death. I don’t know if it’s because my college program is in it’s busiest week for me, because I’ve been literally buying my lunch everyday with quarters, or if it’s just because I’m scared to see her. But I know if I don’t do the guilt will be overwhelming. I know usually people with bpd grew up in abusive family relationships, what do you guys do when birthday’s come up?