i am a horrible person. i am also a very selfish person and i give myself too many passes because of this disorder. i project my emotions and talk about my problems without considering the health of others. i expect them to show me remorse and if they don’t i’m filled with rage and betrayal. it’s always been like this and it takes something big and destructive to happen for me to realise. i don’t think i’ve ever changed because all i have are empty promises i’ve made and no progress. i don’t know if i ever can. 

i am the type of person i loathe but isn’t this just self pity? i try to steer away from self pity because i’ve been trying to redirect my thoughts into something more positive after a long and hard situation where i constantly felt at my worst. but obviously, here i am, feeling sorry for myself. in saying all of this, i think i’m pretty self aware, i just lack self control. big time.