I've been working hard to keep going with my depression. A few months ago I had a breakdown I couldn't cope with anything. I was signed off from work and I had to go and stay with my parents for awhile as I was unable to look after myself.
There are alot of things which have caused my depression but my biggest trigger for anxiety and stress has been my job. 
I have been back working for 3 weeks now and I've been trying really hard not to let it get to me but last night I had a dream where I felt so overwhelmed all I wanted to do was kill myself and I was driving around trying to find somewhere and someway to do it. 
Being pulled back into those thoughts I'd been blocking out has caused me to crash back down. 
I didn't want to get up this morning and sat crying. The only reason I got up is I needed to look after my kitten.

I feel so scared of my suicidal thoughts overwhelming me again. At my worst I sat on the floor surrounded by painkillers at 3am and it was only the thought of my parents which stopped me. I dont want to go back to that place. 
I was on antidepressants for 2 months but I had bad health side effects which really put me off so I am back on my own again.
I speak to a counsellor once a week which has helped but also opened up a lot of issues I'd pushed down.

I feel so silly that a dream could spiral me so much.