First of all I should say that my English is not that great. So if I make any mistakes I'm sorry. I am 24 years old and a male. I never went to any counseling sessions.

I want to know what is wrong with me. I am a very silent guy. I don't speak not even with my family. I speak with my mom only like 3 or 4 times a day. Sometimes none. I don't know why but when I'm alone I m abnormal like talking weirdly to myself and flamming other people I hate. I have a very explosive anger. Even for small things I get angry explosively. When I get angry I always smash things. I also do self harm not that much but when I'm greatly angry and sad I do that. There was one or two times I got very much angry towards my friends. I never cut myself but I punch very hardly to hard surfaces. I once bitten my own hand and for 5 months I couldn't feel anything on the area I have bitten. I feel worthless almost everyday...I'm not a guy who has everything. I'm short af and no one likes me that much. I have 2 or 3 friends who knows me very well like friends since school but not even a single one starting a single conversation with me. I know that I have to make initiation but they never make initiation for me. Not even a hi. I don't feel that much in a situation where I should be sad or happy. I should note that I smoke weed and cigarettes every day because of this. I use it as an escape. I did hard drugs 4 or 5 times and I like using them in future because it gives me euphoria and good escape from my problems. I have a depression but I don't know to what extent. I feel deeply sad about everything of my life..there was one or two times I felt like I need to die..i have mood swings almost everyday  but im always sad and hate myself and others..I'm only happy when I'm high or watch something I like. when I m with my friends (which I call them and ask to hangout with them. They never call me to come) for that moment I temporarily forget my problems. The only reason I hangout with them is to smoke. Nothing else. And I don't care about them. I cant maintain a relationship. I always rushing things and never plan ahead. I waste money without any thought. I always like to get something from someone rather than earning it by myself. I started to hate my friends.sometimes I think of doing things to them like hitting them or hurting  them. But I can never bring myself to do it in real life. I lack common social ethics like talking with someone, thanking someone etc. I don't have words to maintain a good conversation.i always have to search Google for common human things. I don't know what should I do !!! I'm very lost at the moment and I don't care about my future even though I have plans to make money and living comfortably. At this moment I don't  know what mental illness I have. Please help.