I have most of my MH issues under control, have done a fuck ton of DBT and CBT and trauma therapy, and I’m medicated.... buuuuut I still always question myself because I was raised by an NPD parent. Validating myself is very very hard, so I guess I’m asking for some constructive criticism or validation here or just advice.

My boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago, but we never really broke up. Nothing has changed besides the label. He initiates every time we hang out, he has been doing extra nice things for me, we go on dates, see family, talk every day, sex &amp; sleepovers 3/4 times a week. We aren’t seeing other people. He told me he is still in love with me, he just “can’t see himself in a relationship right now”. He’s doing boyfriend stuff but isn’t my boyfriend, and we broke up in JANUARY.

He told me if I found someone I liked I could date someone else, and vice versa, but it hasn’t happened. We are still very much in love with each other, but we made a couple of rules saying that we are both single &amp; can have everything that goes along with being single. It’s weird.

Those “rules” were made in January, and we’ve only talked about it a few times since. He’s been increasingly acting like a boyfriend in all ways, so I kind of assumed he wanted to remain monogamous, and was happy about it.

I brought it up before his vacation because I didn’t want to freak out the whole week thinking he’s fucking other people. He got mad and said “I don’t know I can’t predict the future” in response to my “would you have sex with someone else this week”
I was so upset but I kept my shit together and said it wasn’t the answer I was expecting. I stayed calm, he had his own little angry BPD moment. He got teary eyed and cranky and I was confused as fuck.

He acts like my boyfriend, shows me so much love, and still says he doesn’t know if he will have sex with someone else THIS WEEK. I know he said that so I don’t have more false hope and I don’t think he would have sex with anyone else. I brought him to the airport, he gave me a big hug and kiss goodbye, and now im back home shaking from anxiety.

So I really have no idea what to do now. I know that I deserve more respect than what he’s giving me, but I don’t understand why he’s doing what he’s doing. I’m terrified of being alone and he is one of the only people I have that I trust. He’s my best friend. I would do anything to keep what we have but I know that I shouldn’t. I love him so much but he is driving me fucking crazy.

I know any normal person wouldn’t put up with this shit but I’m so scared to be alone. Im so stuck and it’s bringing all my bad feelings back.

I know how to even respect my own needs in this situation, but I can’t bring myself to do it.