I just want to put out here that for 2-3 years I have been amazing. I have had very strong emotions but there is a huge difference in my reactions. I was diagnosed maybe at 19-20 and I have been on lamotrigine for about a year now. My senior year of college (didn't take lamictal ) I didn't really experience any impulsiveness except those average ones of a  young adult. 

My drinking has also been significantly better. I took note of that from my last semester and how I started to manage my drinking. I don't stress drink nor drink to get drunk. This has improved the last 3 years of my life immensely academically, socially and personally. 

What I do struggle with and have been working on has been my inability to really focus. I daydream a lot, and I've recently have been playing video games that demand focus and strategy. It's really hard, but I keep trying. I have to tell myself everyday I'm not stupid even though I do feel like it sometimes when I can't get my thoughts together or I mumble. 

Relationship wise. In the past, fucking terrible/ codependent/ short lived/ ect ect. But my last two have been so must easier (one without lamotrigine, the current one  on lamotrigine) and although I have had some experiences in the past (cheating, physical abuse) that would have lead me to have trust issues or insecurities in future relationships, I don't. Friendship wise is better, my relationship with my boyfriend now makes me really happy. We're independent, give space, not needy from each other, encouraging, and full of trust. 

So I have to wonder, might I have ADHD and my prior irresponsible life stlye might have painted it as bipolar/ borderline? I'm  25 now.  I want to focus so much better and I think I have done a lot. I am proud of myself. I'm attending a fast  paced graduate program in the fall and I can do it. i would like to see if switching over to a low dose of a non stimulant adhd medication would be better for me in the long run. Lamictal has helped but I wonder if it might be my improved lifestyle and me applying CBT more in my life. The reason I got on lamictal again ( i took it my junior year, still a bad year and i stopped) and currently is because when i graduated college, I couldn't find a job was just home and it got to my head. It was also a short period where I smoked a lot of cigarrettes, (i'm off ciggs :D) 

I am going to speak to my psychiatrist soon but I wonder if anyone has had a similar experience of being diagnosed bi polar or borderline and thought or actually did experience adhd instead.