i was just diagnosed with this and i’m honestly both relieved and scared. i don’t know if i should talk about this with my friends/family because i know they won’t understand and nothing hurts me worse than being misunderstood. my friends are great and all but not very empathetic and see things pretty logically. i could spill my heart out to them and they’d probably leave me on read or say “damn that’s crazy” or something generic. i know other people have their own shit going on and problems worse than mine and that’s okay. it’s just really hard for me to rationalize that and move on without wanting to hurt myself in some ridiculous way. i always feel like i have to hide how i really feel because someone else is having a harder time than me and i know that’s not true. i guess no one else besides people with this disorder really knows how grueling it is to not have affection or validation. i haven’t been touched in months (i’m in a long distance relationship) and i feel so empty and detached from reality. he is my main support system and he works often so i can hardly speak to him. i just want a hug or someone to ask me if i’m ok so i know they actually care without me asking them to. i dissociate often and have panic attacks that i usually keep to myself because i know no one cares. i cut my thighs and starve myself until my insides hurt and it feels good to know where all this is coming from i guess. i know my friends and family have their best intentions but honestly i can’t rely on them to help me feel better, mainly because it’s not their responsibility and it’s unfair of me to ask that of them. i try to be there for them and it’s never good enough and it’s really hard to just accept that. i’m sorry for rambling but my mind has been all over the place since i got diagnosed and so many things are falling into place. 