I've had multiple friends commit suicide, I've felt like it was all my fault. I got addicted to games and social media, to the point where I'd talk to online friends for around 20 hours some days, even though I was never having fun. I've been obsessed with this girl I've only talked to online for like a year, always anxious about everything, whether she likes me, cares about me, is going to keep being my friend, or if we'll ever meet up in real life. I'm struggling with school, I'm so tired I just don't want to do anything besides play games to distract me. I've tried suicide by overdosing, ended up in a coma and now I'm too scared to try anything again. I get bullied at school and yelled at by my siblings and parents. I wanna be a content creator, so I can make videos that make people smile, while also making money so I can support myself and my family, as we aren't doing too well financially, but I have no motivation to do anything. I wanna be a musical artist, I want to be an animator, an actor, yet I don't know how to find the motivation to do any of those things, I don't even have the talent either.
I have so many things I wanna do, but I'm so damn tired of life and I just don't know what to do anymore, it's 2am, I can't seem to sleep, I keep thinking about if people would even care if I died. I want to have never been born, I want everything to change in a way where I was never a thing, where people never had to deal with my bs, and I never had to deal with it too.

I just want to know how to deal with everything, I'm too young to die, I'm too scared to kill myself.