0 grandparents 2 siblings, never met one of them, the other one is 10 years older. pretty much an only child. dont have my dad anymore, havent had him since i was like 10. he left for a couple years then came back &amp; i ghosted him because thats how great of a person i am. 




i look at my friend. 4 grandparents. loves her dad. respects her mother. has a sister only a couple years younger. loves her cousins. she has people. i cant express how fucking jealous i am. why does she get that. what did i do that made me undeserving of people that love me. i get a mom that hates her life &amp; a step dad that makes me fucking uncomfortable &amp; angry 247






i have daddy issues &amp; “trauma” or just issues




i let myself get raped. the guy was right when i said i couldve done more to push him off.




fucked my relationship with my father.




fucked my relationship with men.





started fucking with a 23yr old at 15 because i couldn’t find anyone else attractive after i let myself get raped. atleast an older guy might get in trouble if he hurts me, no chance for that with someone my age.







stopped going to school. yeah i do online but it isnt the same. 






antisocial.






whore. i dont put out but still feel like the biggest fucking whore. male validation am i right 👍🏻






im a piece of shit person. i am so angry then im so fucking sad then i love you. cant act normal for the life of me. its just over and over again of leaving people then coming back so hard with that stupid fucking “i lOvE YoU” phrase. i dont love you. im mentally ill. but youre 23. you dont love me either so what does it matter. atleast you fill up some of the void. 










im not suicidal im just tired. i have no intention or wish to kill myself. but if something came over me &amp; made me swerve off a bridge i wouldnt fight it.









i want pills. oxycocet specifically. theyre just what i want. they make me feel okay. 








i just think its funny that i was suicidal at like 11. what problems did i have. did mommy not spend enough time with me. was i bad at math. did my drawing turn out bad? good for me👍🏻👍🏻 well guess what little girl youve been SA twice by 14. maybe you should’ve deleted snap chat or something. maybe not have been such a raging fucking slut .