It's not like I'm new to this, I've had this since high school (5-6 years now). The funny part is I thought it would go away. I had a healthy lifestyle, don't get me wrong, I still do, and everything was right and then covid happened. I think the way the global situation has affected the people with mental health issues is absolutely criminal. With my government paying little to no regard with everything I was going through, it all got so overwhelming. There was still a sliver of hope, I went for therapy again and got a nice job for a while, for once it seemed it would be s thing of the past. 3 months ago my granny passed away, I really can't go into details but I was there when it happened. If you know about the covid crisis India faced around that time, you would know how ugly it got. 

My days go around following a routine with only a few plans to look forward to. I try to comfort people who went through similar catastrophes but what about this massive stone that's sitting in my heart? Most days it feels like I have choke chain around my throat that slowly but inevitably gonna take my life. For a while I was angry on people for not understanding, but now I'm mostly just sad. I have hypochondria and I feel like I'm slowly dying and in a way I am, a little more dead than the day before. It's not easy when your mind orchestrates a new fear every other day. A simple muscle pull in my jaw can leave me worried for a stroke and an ant bite becomes a black widow. I have lost my art for writing and I don't know where I'm going with my life.