I posted in here before but I think it was removed.

So I attempted to OD about a week ago now on cocodamol. I felt a bit sick/dizzy etc usual stuff but I'm still here despite it, just with a few symptoms of a damaged liver which I can't tell is due to that or stress. I didn't seek medical attention as I genuinely just don't care about being alive because my life has been an endless cycle of pain.
I won't try again because I can't. I've run out of everything and cannot buy more, so I've taken to chain smoking and drinking. Self sabotage big time.

I wrote him a letter and asked if we could try again, but he said no. Don't know why I'm surprised. He said I have a lot more work to do, and he needs to see me doing things for myself etc. I'm literally starting a new career in a week and trying my best. I'm still angry he chose to leave me on my last day of work.

I know he was bad for me. He'd constantly shout at me/argue/blame me. It was like I was expected to change everything about myself whilst he was perfect and could do whatever he wanted.
So why do I still love him so much? Why do I want him back and cry constantly? Why can't I just get the fuck over it and move on like he already seems to have done?!

Please does anyone have advice for me just getting over it. I'm sick of hurting and don't want to anymore but I feel things so intensely and cannot climb out of this hole:(  I feel like I'll love him forever when I know I shouldn't because I don't see how he ever even loved me at all