I would like to apologize in advance if this isn't the appropriate place to discuss this.

I've never been tested or diagnosed with anything, I don't have a psychiatrist but I just need some place to dump this.

I want to try and explain what I am going through

I'm not the brightest person, I always considered perhaps I have some condition such as autism but have never gotten myself tested and so I don't claim to be.

Over the past 6 years, my life has essentially fallen apart. My family had a massive meltdown because of things my father did. I was never properly sorted out and part of my family moved across the state. I was moved from homeschooling and being quite healthy and athletic to going to a public school and being too self conscious to interact with each other. I quickly became unhealthy, and depressed about the situations that happened.

I made it through middle school, I had okay grades, but never had the motivation to do anything.

Once I had gotten into highschool, I ended up making some friends. I had trouble getting work done and ended up dropping out in my junior year.

Going back a little bit, in my freshman year of highschool, one of my friends had asked me out and we started dating. There were a shit ton of red flags that just went over my head, in hindsight, the relationship was a terrible idea and the person I dated was a whore with various mental problems of her own.

We dated for two years, when I was finally slapped to reality via one of my close internet friends. I stopped it immediately and had a 3 month long breakdown.

I found it reasonable, but extremely difficult to disconnect with this person I thought I had a future with. On top of that, many of my highschool friends were behind it aswell, and from what I understand knew about her behavior aswell as encouraged it. I cut all of them off.

In the timespan that I had started going to public school, my father managed to get fired from his job and stopped paying child support. My mother was working 9 - 10 hour days and making barely any money or support from her side of the family. She decided that we should move to a cheaper house, we moved right after I cut everyone off.

Around this time I considered everything to be... well life. I didn't expect it to be easy, but as I started to get older I feared major personal problems. I just turned 18, I've failed to get a job, I've failed to get an education and I still can't drive.

I've been starting to work on my physical health, but my mental health is abysmal. I got over my ex, it has been almost a year since I broke away from her. but my main problem is that I don't do anything.

I have no motivations, no character, I am a blank nothingness. The time where I should have developed the most, I dumped into one person and ended up losing every part of myself. However I also lack the motivation to do anything about it.

&amp;#x200B;

I've been starting to pull myself together. I'm trying to get into hobbies like woodworking or tinkering with electronics. I started working out to improve my health, try eating better, spend less time just sitting on the computer doing essentially nothing (not even playing video games as I had basically lost interest in them)

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Relating to the title of this post

I've recently developed this problem where I vibrate quite intensely when I get nervous. I don't know how to explain it very well, and I can't find much online describing what it could be except for extreme anxiety.

I first noticed it when I had gone to Sunday church by myself, I hadn't slept that night so I thought, well I will likely be asleep later in the day so I should go now. The church was surprisingly full, and due to the pandemic shit going on, there were few spaces and only the front pews were open. I felt like it would be too awkward to turn back and walk out, so I just sat down.

I hadn't showered and I looked "musty" in my opinion, the church was full of old people who probably go there often, and the only thought in my mind the entire time was like "they're watching you" or some bullshit.

I felt like I was going to die, I couldn't look up I would just start shaking really hard so I kept my head down most of the time there.

I considered, okay, im just tired as fuck, but then I noticed this happens almost everywhere I go.

I can't make eye contact with strangers anymore, and I find it difficult being in a room where (I think the best way to describe it is) something is expected of me.

This wouldn't be much of a problem to me if it was just a sensation, but it is quite visible, I went to the dentist recently and they had to check my temperature with their sensor. I just couldn't stop shaking my head, and they responded to it so I consider it is not just some random sensation of panic.

I've never had a problem like this, and I've never felt like this before in my entire life and it is making it very difficult for me to do something like apply for a job and go do an interview.

I don't know what to do about it at this point.