This is kind of a long story so please bare with me. I had a friend that was quite a bit younger than me ( I am 50 and she is 35 ) and I obviously upset her.  She has completely ghosted me and even blocked me from being able to contact her on the phone. I am devastated because this was my only friend. I can't stop crying!!!! I am going to be honest and list off some of the good things and not so good things I did during our brief friendship. I really want brutally honest answers from everyone and tell me if my friend had a right to ghost me or if she overreacted. For reference we will call my friend Kelly.
So as I stated before, I am quite a bit older than Kelly. I live with my daughter, daughter's boyfriend ( who I can't stand) and two teenage grandchildren. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have a few other physical ailments that has left me on disability. I do make and sell crafts from my home and that is how I met Kelly about 2 years ago. Kelly is one nicest people I have ever met in my life. She is kind, patient, generous and helpful. We met during a particular low time in my life. I think she sensed I was lonely and depressed and offered her friendship to me. She even put me in touch with a ton of people that ended up buying my crafts which helped me tremendously since my income is limited. There were a lot of problems going on in my home with my daughter and her boyfriend that was causing my anxiety to skyrocket. Kelly and I would go have lunch together every couple of weeks and she would always lend me compassion and advice. This amount of time spent with her was fine with me in the beginning. Later on my feelings changed about this but I will get into why later.
A little bit more about her... Kelly is married and leaves for almost half of the year during the winter. When she was gone she would call me every couple of weeks and check in. When she returned home my daughter had finally sold our home and we got a new house 45 minutes away. Since Kelly's husband was leaving for a week for an out of state softball tournament I invited her to come stay the week so we could catch up and she could see my new home. The week she was there she was so nice. As I said before, I have some physical limitations so Kelly helped me unpack and decorate my room. She also did a bunch of laundry for me that had piled up. I really appreciated it. Unfortunately, it also made me feel more attached to her and I think this is where things started to go wrong.
Kelly and her husband travel a lot. They also own a cabin up in the mountains where there is no cell phone signal. I hate it when she goes there because I have no way to get hold of her. They spend many weekends there.  Anyways, shortly after her week long stay at my house she and her husband left for Texas to go visit family.  I will admit that her visiting with other people began to make me feel jealous. I think I even jokingly told her before she left that I was jealous that her family was getting to spend all of this time with her. When she got back from this trip I really wanted her to come over again and stay a few days. She agreed because her husband was going to he extremely busy that week so it worked out good. On the fourth day of this visit with Kelly my daughter and her boyfriend got into a drunken fight that upset me very much. I was crying and I think Kelly was feeling awkward and uncomfortable with everything happening at my house. Kelly told me that she really should get back home because her husband was expecting her and that he was going to make her a special dinner. I begged her to stay one more night because I was so upset. She reluctantly agreed because I was crying. She was the only friend I have and the person that makes me feel better. Now this is where things began to change. The next day on the way to taking her home I thanked her for staying an extra night and confided in her that I was suicidal before she came along. I told her she had saved my life. I also admitted to her that I sometimes wished ( as terrible as it was) that she and her husband would split up so she could date my son and we could be a real family. After I told her these things she suggested that maybe I get involved with some activities outside of the house and meet other people so I am not so emotionally dependant on her. She asked me if I ever considered therapy. I pretty much blew off her suggestion because her friendship was plenty for me. When I dropped her off at home that day she could see the tears in my eyes. I was very, very sad that she was leaving. A week went by after this visit and I asked when she would be coming to stay over again. She told me that she didn't know and that her husband was a little upset that she had stayed the extra day last time and bailed on their dinner plans. Apparently he hadn't gotten the message that she was staying an extra night. He had cooked dinner and waited for her to get home only to not have her arrive. Phone signal is bad at my house and messages don't always go through and it makes it hard to get hold of people sometimes. I told her that we had a landline now and to let her husband know. I even told her he was welcome to stay the night with her at my house. She told me her husband would most likely not want to stay over and it was too soon to come back over. She reminded that she has a husband that wants to sleep next to her. I pressed for a time that she thought she could come back and again she said she didn't know. Eventually, I noticed that her phone calls began to taper down and she wouldn't answer my text messages right away. When she did talk to me she was her regular friendly, nice self but I began to sense she was trying to create a little bit of distance in our friendship. My birthday came around and she did buy me this gorgeous, expensive stained glass lamp for my bedroom. It was so beautiful I cried. I told her I would just stare at it because it was so beautiful and it made me happy because it would make me think of her. I didn't tell her that I hated this distance she was creating. So a few weeks later coronavirus hit our state. Kelly ended up catching it and almost ended up in the hospital on oxygen. She was so out of breath she could barely finish a sentence. It was bad. Once she got better she told me that she and her husband were going to Michigan for a month to go see family. I really wanted to see her before she left so I invited her to stay over again. She told me she couldn't because part of the agreement with her family was if they were going to come and visit that she and her husband had to isolate for 2 weeks so they wouldn't run the risk of getting their family sick. I will admit I got a very snappy tone with her and argued that my family and I always wear a mask and gloves and that we are very careful. This was a blatant lie and I think she knew it. My daughter never wears a mask and had been letting friends come to our home. I momentarily forgot that Kelly knew this.  Kelly held her ground though and told me that she needed to honor her family's wishes and respect their health and safety first. She reminded me that there were 3 small children that they were visiting and that she would never forgive herself if she got any of them sick. Especially since she knew how miserable and dangerous coronavirus was. I told her I had bought her a bunch of presents and asked her if I could at least see her for a couple of minutes and drop them off but she said no. This really upset me but I didn't push it any further. So the day arrived for Kelly and her husband to leave for Michigan.  Kelly called me to say goodbye. She said they were going to be driving there in a couple of hours. Then some drama happened at my house that I really, really wanted to vent about so I called her and she didn't pick up. I must have called her back 15 times and still got no answer. I texted and still no response. So I got in my car and drove 45 minutes to her apartment and I saw that their car was still there. I even saw her step out onto her porch. My heart felt like it had been stomped on. I stayed there for 30 minutes and cried in her parking lot. Not only was she purposely ignoring my calls ,I thought she was lying about her trip so she would have an excuse to not call or come over. I found out much later after they returned  that she had NOT lied about the trip and that she and her husband had decided to leave a day later. Anyways when she got back from her trip I told her what happened and how I drove all the way to her house and cried in her parking lot for 30 minutes. I wanted her to feel guilty. Except I lied and told her the reason I drove all the way to her house was because I dropped off one of my daughter's friends that live in her same apartment complex.  I think she knew this was a lie. Then I kind of in round about way accused her of lying about her trip and asked her to send me pictures. I think this is one of the things that really upset her. I also hinted at having her give me her husband's cell phone number in case I couldn't get through to her on her phone but she changed the subject quickly. I hinted a couple of other times but she would never give me his number. I told her it was frustrating when I couldn't get in touch with her.   A few days later I asked if she could come stay at my house again but she said she was really busy helping her husband with some things and that they were going to be busy taking some mini vacations to the cabin. I told her I really wanted her to come over so she could get her gifts but this never ended up happening. I asked her when she thought she would be available and that I loved her and missed her so much. She said she wasn't sure. I told her I felt like our friendship was changing. She said that things were fine and she just had a lot on her plate. Then 5 days passed and I hadn't heard from her so I called her and she didn't answer. Then I texted her that I was worried because I couldn't get hold of her and that I hoped she wasn't laying in a hospital bed somewhere. A few hours later she called me back and assured me that she was fine and that she and her husband had just returned from their cabin. I told her that it worried me when I didn't hear from her. I felt that texting her and telling her that she was making me worried was the only way  to get her to call me back. Her phone calls had become fewer and fewer. I wasn't really worried that she was in the hospital but I WAS worried that she was intentionally putting space between us.  I know this was emotionally manipulating her but I felt desperate not to lose her friendship. This was my only friend and I didn't want to go back to being depressed and lonely. I asked her again if she could come stay over and she said she and her husband were leaving to celebrate their anniversary. This made me jealous once again but I didn't tell her that. I hope she didn't hear it in my tone. I asked her when they were getting back and she said probably no longer than 5 days but she wasn't for sure. She said there was no cell service where they were going and she would call me when she got back. Well on the tenth day I still hadn't heard from her so I texted again how worried I was. I got no reply. For the next 4 days I called every hour on the hour, sent text messages and left sobbing voicemails begging her to please call me and let me know she was ok. The phone kept going straight to voicemail. I drove all the way to her house for those 4 days as well but there was no answer at the door. I looked in her windows but couldn't see if anyone was home or not because of the blinds. I had my grandson write a letter about how worried I was and to please have Kelly or her husband call me. He left the letter on her door.  A few days later the note was still on her door so I figured out they were still gone on their trip and she hadn't gotten my phone messages because there was no cell service where they were at. Then I drove again to her house a few days later and my heart dropped. The note was gone and their car was there. But Kelly nor her husband ever called me. I tried calling her one last time but I was blocked. I was too ashamed and embarrassed to go to their door now. So my question to you readers is how bad do you think my behavior was and do you think it warrants being completely ghosted with no explanation from her? Don't you think she should have at least sat down with me and explained why she didn't want to be friends anymore? I wasn't a terrible friend to her. I always thought of her and bought her small gifts even when she insisted not to spend my money on her. I was always there to lend an ear for advice. I even picked her up and gave her a ride home when she was stuck in snowy, icy weather. I know I wasn't perfect but I would have done anything in the world for her. I loved her like another daughter. I feel like I will never be able to trust anybody else ever again. Am I the jerk or is she? I want brutal honesty!  Sock it to me please!!!!! Let me also add that I think I offended her by trying to stuff my religious beliefs down her throat. Kelly is an atheist. I told her if she didn't believe in the Lord that she wouldn't get into heaven. I also told her how the Bible condemned homosexuality. I think this upset her because her brother was gay and in the closet when he committed suicide 20 years ago. I know my behavior might have been a little bit much but I don't think it warrants just disappearing on a friend. I would never do that. My daughter told me to knock it off and said I need to see a therapist and that I am acting " psycho." She also said she thinks I suffer from undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. What do you readers think of my behavior and does this sound like Borderline to you?