I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months. When we started dating I hadn't been diagnosed with BPD yet, but he had been diagnosed with Autism (Asperger's). He was very attentive and sweet in the beginning and kind of swept me off my feet. I had never felt so loved and appreciated before.

Then slowly but surely I became kind of less of a focus (as with any relationship that isn't very new anymore) and I started to split on him more and more and tried to literally run away at least once a week. I guess I'm more a quiet borderline. I'm not violent or explosive, I completely shut down.

He always reassured me that he understood why I felt that way and that he loved me unconditionally and would never give up on me. Until about a month ago. Our relationship (probably at least partly) and other life stressors made him reach a state of autistic burnout. Which for him means pretty much complete withdrawal. I obviously want him to feel better and to meet his needs, but at the same time I can't help but feel completely abandoned. I also feel guilty because I feel like my illness might have gotten him to this point. I have become increasingly suicidal and struggle to see a point to life without him. He is the first person that ever made me feel truly loved (and I don't just mean romantically) and that I was worthy of that love. I don't think I will be able to find that again if he leaves me.

I'm trying so hard to give him space, but at the same time I'm struggling to cope, even to survive and it feels like he doesn't care at all. I know that's probably not true, but I feel like my entire identity is being taken away. I know, I know, I'm too dependent and I need to learn to love myself and all that, but humans are social beings, we will never thrive in total isolation. I feel a lot of people who say that at least have families that support them or friends. So what do you do, when the only person you could ever really depend on suddenly withdraws?

tl;dr My autistic partner doesn't want to see me and I want to die. How do you cope?