My mom and dad were always my best friends growing up because we moved around a lot and I was their only child. It was hard for them to have children and they often called me their miracle child. To say we were close was an understatement. 
In 2012, we fell on hard times. None of us had employment so I decided to move with my then girlfriend across states from Georgia to Tennessee for better opportunities. About 2 months after being there, I received a phone call from my mom. She was down.  No money, I was gone and they were losing their home. I planned on sending money but something was very odd about the phone call. She asked if I was happy. I told her not to do anything stupid as she has tried suicide before. She said she wouldn’t but my gut said otherwise. A few days later I was working a shift at my new job and was called to the office. They told me to call the hospital back in Georgia. The nurse told me that mom had died from suicide and that dad failed at his attempt. I felt such hurt and anger towards them. I lost contact with my dad and found out he died in 2015. Alone. 
I never got their ashes but recently I reconnected with my cousin. She was able to find them and just this past year I was reunited with their ashes. I am grieving all over again. It hurts so much. I need to go to therapy but I wasn’t ready to talk about it in person. I’m hoping posting here helps. This year will mark 10 years and it still feels like a fresh wound.