Once I turn 18 if I get diagnosed with actual bpd I will have no hope, I'll feel devastated. I can't keep going through this cycle of feelings. I've made my moms life so hard and everyone else's.

I've tried to find every illness it could be or if I'm just being a teenager. 

If this is all from bpd I won't know what to do because I don't want to feel like this again. 

(yes I do therapy and meds)