Ugh. Just last week I had a couple days of a lower mood, a little crying, less interest in socializing and doing things I love, and some hopelessness over my future and I immediately thought it was going to be a depressive episode. Turns out it was just before my period and then I stabilized. Ok good.

Now, a friend who I used to have a crush on told me that he has a crush on me and despite not wanting to date anyone, I’m obsessed. I know that romance is kind of a hypomania trigger for me so now I’m cautious. He told me Saturday and I’ve slept about 5 hours both nights since and woke up with so much energy. I was obsessing over it all day yesterday, journaling, looking at videos I have of him, looking at his social media, looking at his ex’s social media (???), texting back and forth with him. I dreamt about him and woke up thinking about him. My mind is moving so fast but idk if this is normal excitement or if I should be cautious.

Ever since my diagnosis, it’s like I can’t have any fluctuations in my mood/behavior without me being anxious about what’s to come. How do you exist with normal ebbs and flows while maintaining awareness of symptoms?