Ugh . I thought I was so beyond this . I haven’t felt this insecure in like 5 years since my very first relationship . So it’s upsetting to realize all the progress I thought I made was an illusion . Because 5 years later , in a new amazing relationship , here I am succumbing to my old insecure ways . For context I’m 23 , he and his ex are 21...which only makes me feel more ridiculous .

This is different , though . This isn’t just an ex . This girl was/is his best friend and he’s known her for ten years . They used to run amok together , party and make money together . Apparently , she gave him a plaque to stay when he got kicked out at 17 . They dated in middle school lol but he left her for another girl ( ???) then he cheated on that girl with her ( 🙃) . Yes I know that’s terrible but it was middle school . I understand that was so long along it’s silly to count her as a real ex but they remained friends all through high school , partying together . They have so much history and a past I just can’t compete with. To top it off , my boyfriend makes music and I just realized he dedicated a whole mixtape he put out to her a couple years ago . It’s under a nickname he has for her ... he barely admitted this nickname is directly related to a symbol he has tattooed under his eye . He got a tattoo for her!! He claims that it was out of commemoration for her being there for him when he wanted to take his life a couple years ago . I can’t be mad at that ... it just hurts now every time I look at him I’m reminded of their friendship and how much she was there for him . I would have been there for him if I knew him when all this was happening :( I feel crazy . 

 Now about his friend , she is gorgeous and lives the LA fast lifestyle . She’s very confident, dresses well , and much of her Instagram are sexy pictures in her bikini or of her showing off her body . He told me she’s a stripper and she’s posted photos showing off all the money she’s made. The first fight we ever had was because I noticed he was liking her sexy pictures , before I knew it was his “ best friend .” So I felt disrespected that he liked those kinds of pictures , then he told me that was his best friend and he doesn’t see her “ that way “ . Oh okay 😒 also , he’s got photos with her and his other ex ( apparently the two girls are also best friends now) from when they went to a rave a couple years ago . 

Anyways , since I found out that was his best friend I’ve been obsessed , constantly checking her Instagram and Twitter , maybe she would say something about my boyfriend .. maybe. I feel so pathetic . He posted me on his Instagram on my birthday , opening up my gifts and she messaged him saying I’m cute. I feel like that was a condescending comment . I feel like I fail myself every time I check her social media I just can’t seem to stop it’s disgusting . I beat myself up about how I’m not as bold and independent or have the same looks as her . And I don’t have that extensive past with my bf that she does . I don’t know what to do . Any advice and brutal honesty welcome ...