I want to feel the rush again. I fell in love in late 2009. I was 21 years old. I was a virgin and didn't know anything about love. But that person came and my life was set alight. I fell madly in love, this love was my world, my passion. I cherished every moment we spent together, I was extremely jealous if I felt everyone was interfering. Every time we saw each other's eyes I knew we were meant to be together forever. This was an overpowering force, it shook my ground, it was so f king special. Sometimes my phone callzs (calls were more common back then), weren't answered, I'd go crazy. I was willing to give my life in order to make that love last forever.

I found out I was being cheated on. It hurt so much but I got through with it. I forgave it one time, but 2 times were too much. I thought I was young and I'd find someone else. In 2010 I found another love, I fell so deep. That time it was real, I thought. But it ended because I was cheated on again.

Throughout the 2010's I had several lovers, but none that would compare to the first 2 I had. I'm still trying to find that feeling, that rush, that obessesion. My heart aches to feel the same again. I want that, I want it so bad. Life is not worth it if I can't feel it. I want to die, I can't find it again, this life has nothing to offer me again. I want that love, that is what I live for.