Does anyone else ever stop to wonder- are my perceptions even valid at all, or am I just being BPD?    

It's kind of distressing and hollowing when you get the inkling that your feelings are not reality. For example, today I had a rough day at work so I spent the evening searching for new jobs online, getting anxious about how behind I am on my work, despairing about my degree and career choices and future, ruminating on various people who may have issues with me.    

And then, hours later, I open my work laptop and get caught up on a thing or two, get a little organized. Realize I'm not as far behind as I thought, which boosts my confidence. I remind myself that I'm a good person and it isn't my problem if someone has an issue with me or not, and more than likely they don't. I remember all the perks of my job and that it's going to be okay, I can ride this out while I keep an eye open for better jobs. I think, "Is this how a normal person always feels? This even calmness?"    

And just as soon as I've captured the feeling, I feel hollow at how flimsy my strong emotions are, unsure of what is even real and bummed to recognize that what I think of as a crisis situation is often nothing more than the workings of my BPD stirring up trouble in my heart and head. I just hope that some day, I can achieve that level headed calm and rational state for longer than a moment. 