Depression sapping all my energy, and I had low energy for years now…it wouldn‘t be bad if it was cancer. Sorta guaranteed death in the next few years. The quick and painless kind would be ideal.

Had to go out today to buy some stuff, smiling at the clerks has never been so hard. Where does this emptiness comes from? 

The thought of next 30-40 years like this is unbearable. I‘d never kill myself, but yeah, a little cancer to speed my along is not that unrealistic, right?

Its not just the loneliness. I am completely unprepared to live a life worth living. Just been to my dad‘s place (died 3 months ago) and hoped it would help me cry, but couldn’t. No release.

Food used to be my great joy, but can‘t eat anymore. 

Such a pointless existence. 

Sorry for the rant, had to distract myself if even for a little. If you read thru this, please say hi.