i feel like i'll never be worthy of love and human connection, regardless how much i try. 

i have to move out of my current apt soon (been living here 4 months) because i'm too sensitive and my flatmate doesn't want to feel like walking on eggshells all the time. i understand.

but idk im crushed. i wasn't attached to her but it's just one of too many instances i'm unbearable for people. i genuinely don't know how to deal with myself. i feel so crappy. every time sth like this happens, i close off. and then, when i try to open up again, give it another chance... it's the same shit all over again. 

and istg i try to be a decent human. but it's like everyone around me is in on some secret human life hack that i'm constantly digging for and just when i think i got it, it slips thru my fingers... 

i'm in my 20s and i haven't had a romantic relationship. zero sustained friendships. zero stable relations. i keep self-sabotaging and doing just ridiculous shit. i don't think therapy is helping. i'm scared all the time because i feel like i'm under attack but it's also so unreal.. i just want to not exist a little bit or for my brain to shut tf up cause it's too noisy and nasty and not nice. i hate myself so much.