I have persisting thoughts of leaving my long term boyfriend all the time. It’s usually when I am upset, but not always. I also get the sense that family and friends think I shouldn’t be dating him. I’ve had these thoughts even very early on in our relationship. 

The problem is that I’m codependent. I can’t even fall asleep without him next to me. Sometimes I think I should leave for this reason. I am so depressed and suicidal and I think I need a change of pace. I have been able to stick to damaging habits while being with him. 

However, I’m so afraid of leaving and becoming more suicidal than before. I can’t stand the thought of him being with someone other than me. My BPD is at it’s worst when I’m with him. I don’t have this problem with other people. 