Hi there!

My partner (35m) and I (32f) have been trying for a baby for almost one year. Since then my already instable mental health has quickly deteriorated. Immediately around my ovulation I started having panic attacks, self mutilating during the attacks. My eating disorder has spiraled throughout the year as well. From the beginning I’ve been obsessed with ovulation predictor kits &amp; taking my temperature as I’m scared to miss the window. In June I finally got help. And for the first time (I’ve been in and out of therapy since 15) they really took the time to figure out what was wrong with me. I got diagnosed with BPD a couple of weeks ago, and to say the least it has shattered me. There was talk of it when I was 21 but they were hesitant to diagnose me because I was still young. Anyhow, I start schema therapy in January, but remain desperate and scared for the future. As long as I’m not pregnant I’m afraid the severity of my emotions will remain around this topic. I don’t know how I will ever be able to be different. Though my partner really needs me to be as he is quiet put off by my panic attacks. I become a monster, almost forcing him to have sex with me and when he doesn’t jump to the occasion (which he never does as he feels pressured by me) I implode.. The severity of the attacks is getting worse every month, and I see him getting more and more put off by month as well. I don’t know how to break out of this cycle of panic and being pushy towards him. Are there any other women here with BPD who have similar experiences? We are already in (amazing!) couples therapy btw. It helps, but so far we haven’t been able to solve this issue there.