Hi all,

I have BPD. Going to therapy and trying to make it. and I think it’s time for me to end a LTR.

To make a long story short, my S/O wanted to become polyamorous. We tried it for a few weeks but I can’t do it. We’ve supported each other through good and bad unconditionally, they’re the love of my life, I want to grow old with them. They « still want to be in my life » but I’m not sure if I can while I’m getting help for my BPD. 

We weren’t in a good place individually and together and putting another person into the mix didn’t help. I want to beg them to stay with me and me only but I don’t want to be selfish. Why can’t they see that I’m committed and they’re throwing our life together for someone they cant even decide they like? I feel because they’re having a hard time they ran to another person. If we were each in a good place I would be all for polyamory. I’m not a jealous person, I want them to be happy even if it’s not with me. A problem is that they don’t know what they want with the other person. I’ve been really patient but feelings of abandonment or them ghosting me to stay over the other girlfriend’s while I am having a hard time is getting to be too much. I’ve always been there for them through their hard times and promised I would be, but I don’t know.

Has anyone else been in a situation of having to be the one to break it off? Do you go NC? What if they decide they want to be with me and only me again? 

It’s very painful and my next therapy appointment isn’t for a few days. I feel guilty talking to family or friends. They don’t understand how much we love each other or the situation, let alone my struggles with BPD. I don’t want anyone to blame my back and forth on BPD. It’s eating me up inside because I have to protect myself and get help but I love them more than anything in this world. I don’t have anywhere else to turn right now.

Thank you for your time. 