This happens periodically, and it's definitely BPD related. It usually happens when I'm having a jealous and insecure episode, which can be so intense I have trouble breathing and often have lapses in memory after. 

I posted previously on this sub about how sometimes I can go days not wanting to interact with another human. Well, some days I'm tired of platforms such as Instagram and Facebook showing me beautiful, happy people with perfect lives and detailing their incredible new accomplishments day in and day out. I know that's not fair, no one's life is perfect, but that's often the narrative that social media pushes. It's all just a rat race, and a competition. 

Even the LDR subreddit often fills me with rage, sadness, and jealousy. It's hard for me to know I am struggling with my relationship, and seeing over and over all these success stories.

The easy solution would be to just not look. I guess that's a tangible option. I've generally gotten better at my self-destructive lurking tendencies. There are the days when I want to go off the grid entirely. 

Then, I'll wake up and realize that without these methods of communication, I would be even lonelier and more alone with my thoughts. I guess there's really no way to win. 