I’m pretty right now but I’m going to do my best to make sure this makes sense. I’ve been pretty fucking depressed recently and my life has been falling apart. I’ve been super negative with my thoughts and that’s definitely coming out through my emotions and actions which is affecting others around me but that’s not why I’m writing this post.

So I get high every single night and to be honest recently it’s been a hit or a miss. tonight was a miss but here’s one pretty consistent thing about my nights and that’s when the lights go out, my partners asleep and it’s time for bed. For that short amount of time when I’m lying stoned in my comfy bed lying beside the love of my life, I feel overwhelming life satisfaction and I just accept everything. It’s the ultimate way to end every day and it happens just about every night, I have tears in my eyes right now because usually I just think to myself like everything’s okay man, give yourself a break, but tonight I thought I’ll try to think positively so I wake up right. Last night I ran out of sleeping tablets so I’ve been awake for a while and I got to thinking. 

I just got a job recruiting nurses which is pretty awesome. I have face tattoos lol. Last year I was hospitalised for drugs twice, and I was still addicted to valium and strong pain killers, and in January I stopped drinking every night and started smoking weed instead. I’ve lost like 3 stone and before I started therapy last month I was so much happier. My job’s going well and despite the absolute madness that both our BPD diagnosis (lol i know) cause to our relationship she fucking loves me and I love her. There must be something good about me after all. My cats are my children and I will die on that fucking hill. Smoke more weed :)