so I (F, early 30s) have had a crush on this man (late 30s) since like July. the feeling is mutual. we used to work together until a few months ago when I  got a new job. so we have been chatting more and hanging out for a month or so now and he recently asked me to be his GF. i said yes. all is well.

&amp;#x200B;

but i am terrified of messing this up. i have messed up soooo many relationships in the past with my shit. i've already had a few slip ups when i drank too much and let my BPD show through. i did expose to him that i have CPTSD but nothing about BPD. it feels so shitty and i am always so embarrassed afterwards. i want SOOO badly to just be NORMAL.

&amp;#x200B;

i am going to try really really hard to not fuck this up. i am in therapy. i have been doing lots of work and improvement on myself this past year. trying to heal from a life of trauma and CPTSD. i do a lot of self care now. i am working on communicating better.

&amp;#x200B;

i just REALLY want a happy, healthy NORMAL relationship for once...