I have diagnosed PTSD and OCD and a big family history of bipolar, my mom has done research and her and her friend who is a psychiatrist both say I show a lot of symptoms for Bipolar and want to talk to my therapist about it and God I'm scared. I feel like every new diagnosis is just another way to say "yeah your kid is fucked up sorry" and I'm so scared of getting diagnosed with bipolar and suddenly realizing I'm an awful person to be around. I'm constantly switching moods, having panic attacks, being awful to everyone around me then ten seconds later, having intense energy and mania I guess. 

I just don't want to be diagnosed with another illness. I don't want to know how fucked up I am and that this is just another one to add to the already growing pile of problems.  I guess this is a rant.