i feel so hopeless about everything. i feel stuck and have literally no idea what to do. i live paycheck to paycheck and i am constantly stressed about if im going to be able to pay my bills or not. 

not only is it near impossible to find a job that wants to pay at least $15/hr, but it’s getting harder and harder to work and keep a job due to my mental state. 

it’s hard for me to keep a job because everything triggers me job-wise, and i mean everything. talking to and having to deal with people. having to deal with “important” things such as records, insurance, etc… pressure to make sales and reach sale quotas. i can’t handle anything fast paced. also going to stores and restaurants (or anywhere for that matter) alone terrifies me, and i also have really bad PTSD when it comes to driving. so even things like instacart or door dash are extremely hard for me to do. i’ve thought about working with animals but i unfortunately had to move out somewhere more “rural” due to cost of living, so there’s not many opportunities near. 

because of all of this i don’t know where to work or what to do. i can’t work more than 30 hours a week and even that is pushing it, which is why i’m needing something that pays more than minimum wage. 

i’ve looked into and thought about applying for disability but it just doesn’t seem worth it to me…. it takes years to get approved, i don’t have money for a lawyer, and i’ll be getting significantly less than i make now…. i wouldn’t be able to live off of it….

on another note, i so desperately want to try therapy and medication again because i can’t continue like this. the issues with this are 1) it seems like no one is accepting new patients for the next few months, and 2) i do have insurance but i have a deductible and coinsurance so i don’t even know if i would be able to find it in my budget to do those things :/ my parents both definitely make more than enough to help me with the cost of therapy and medication, however they both fall short on support… 

any advice or suggestions?? i’m desperate for something… :/