You know, I feel somewhat relieved.

Not that I feel relieved because of it, i mean who would voluntarily want to have a mental illness? I feel relieved because after close to a decade I finally have my answer. I finally have my answer to why my behaviors were the way it was, why I had anxiety almost all the time for absolutely NO REASON at ALL.  


I am incapable of keeping a job, i get laid off (they dont tell me, they just stop giving me shifts) after the training period. I feel so much anger and annoyance whenever I work it's LITERALLY the only thing that my mind focuses on, then it moves towards memories that make me sad and it's just a constant loop, each time I tried gave me more and more anxiety when it comes to working, because I see it as something that just puts me in a severely bad mood. I want to make money, I want to earn a living, I want to tolerate the crappiest of jobs but I can't, it does not work. Constant suicidal thoughts,  anxiety issues, I have a binge-eating disorder and i also have HOCD.

&amp;#x200B;

I feel relieved knowing that I actually decided to get some help, to try and get myself the help I need in order to start functioning slightly properly at the slightest so I can make a life for myself. I'm relieved to know that I am not alone.