So I've only recently put the pieces of the puzzle regarding my dad's dysfunctional behavior together. He would go lengths for me as a little kid, with me being the daughter most attached to him. Then when I began to get older, my mom and him divorced. The divorce was chaotic. A mix of my grandma (mom's mom) making things worse because she's also dysfunctional and thrives in chaos. My grandma would invalidate my feelings constantly if I wasn't siding with my mom. I was anxious about such an unexpected change in my family's dynamics; but my grandma badgered on about my supposed "anger" at the time. "Anger" could be my immature middle school self not knowing what to make of my parents in the situation. But she always insisted I was angry, like being angry was something I should avoid like the plague. Then gradually I'll say, I began having anger issues when I did not in previous years of earlier childhood. 

My dad talked a lot of shit about my mom. I was also turned off by being around my mom because of my grandma's behavior that seemed to be in defense of her against my dad. This helped fuel distortions my dad weaved about my mom, framing her as a sexual predator and her new partner as a sexual predator. He framed her also as someone he did not care about her children. So when the divorce was finalized, I believed these things. I've never had a reason to not believe my dad. I was already so burnt out by the way the parental separation process was happening. For three years, I listened to my dad. I ignored my mom's text messages to me. I listened to him say that any love from her was performative and self indulgent. Then I started to grow attachment issues and bpd symptoms in high school. Then it is one summer where I actually interact with my mom again when my grandma began acting crazy. My dad was sort of unhappy when told him I'd seen my mom. 

From 2017-2018, my dad married an abusive woman overseas who he hardly knows. He brought her to the country (America) and now she's shown very vicious, antagonistic, and self centered behaviors. Why does he stay with her? Image. He wants to put on a facade that he's happily married to convince himself that he can get over my mom. He's gaslighted my siblings and I when we voice grievances over his wife's antagonistic behavior towards us. She accuses us of hating her because we're not groveling at her feet, showering her with attention. He enables not just that, but violent behavior. Only now do I realize why my mom divorced my dad. But I believed his facade for so long until he remarried to this abusive woman whose treated my siblings and I like garbage. A few months ago, she was threatening my life and a lot of other scary behaviors. He'll stay with her to present to others that he's married and well off. He is very insecure about how others view him. However, being younger during when my mom divorced him, he never revealed much that he only cares about having his children close for an image.