I grew up with a father who was I believe mistakenly diagnosed for bipolar. He is a pretentious human being, very obnoxious and loud. Fears that people stop loving him and is always talking about himself.

However I'm scared to turn out like him. As a teenager or perhaps age 15-17 I was very empathetic and somewhat pretentious. I hated attention. Now as I grow older at somewhat 18 years old, I'm always having certain phrases that would come out of his mouth. I always have this thought to tell people life sucks and shit and its the same shit he says. 

I really don't like what I'm turning into. Part of me wishes to just die so at least I died a good person and not to turn into the pretentious asshole. Please any advice?

When I'm depressed I go back to my personal self and remain quiet, and sometimes I wish experience it just so I can be myself more often... I can't explain it but when I'm not depressed I just start acting manipulative. I don't want to be this way its literally not me