The physical abuse to me was minor, not hitting, just pushing, squeezing, throwing, shaking. Lots and lots of screaming at me. Lots of breaking things.

However, he loves to watch murder shows (irrational concern, I know) and he just snaps when he gets mad, becoming a whole different person. I feel like I know the non-abusive version of him wouldn't do anything that serious, but I can't trust the abusive version of him.

I have installed new locks on the door, but admittedly some of my windows could be easy targets. Even if I fortify those, I think I will still have this concern that he got inside somehow. I'm staying up until it starts getting light out, then sleeping for only a few hours before work. I'm between my last therapist and a new one.

Has anyone had this fear? What did you do? I don't even want to medicate because my irrational self says I should be arousable to noise in case he really does break in.