I've been rapid cycling for years. I feel so mentally and physically slow, hopeless and anhedonic. I've been kinda delusional these past 3 days. I was manic for a few days. I've been seeing signs from the universe that tell me that I either pass or don't pass some "tests". I passed yesterday's test. My thoughts are kinda all over the place, I'm forgetting what I want to type. I take my meds regularly. I don't want to go to the hospital. My consciousness is filled with words, images and sounds, almost like hallucinations but they are just disorganized thoughts. I want to die. I feel fucking alone and kinda paranoid and I feel like everything is fake