I’m 16, year 11
school is hard and I messed up and now I’m taking classes I don’t like.. i regret not putting more effort during first year of hs but I can’t do anything about that anymore ig 
I also really hate that i have selective mutism. I feel like I’m in kindergarten, a kid that cant talk to people because they’re too scared except I was very social in kindergarten so having selective mutism in high school feels awful and unfamiliar. Especially since in many articles they only talk about selective mutism in kids but almost never with teenagers so sometimes I feel like I’m a lost cause..
It’s so hard to ignore sad and suicidal thoughts and sometimes I find it comforting I could just off myself one day and get rid of my responsibilities but obviously that’s never going to happen any time soon unfortunately, even though focusing on living is what I don’t want to do that’s the only way I could distract myself from those horrible thoughts and they never really go away.
I’m the oldest daughter in my family I feel so lonely, I want comfort and love but my parents can’t give me that and I just wish I had someone that could 

Sorry if this is very messy it’s almost 2am