I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality. I have been dissociated from myself for a few weeks now. It hasn't helped that I've been getting blacked out drunk every night and any time I can really...but it's because then I feel normal, cause you're not supposed to feel anything when you're drunk. But when you're sober and you're completely numb - I don't know. 

It's been weeks and my friends are starting to catch on. They're starting to see things crumbling in my brain. It feels like one long day - all this information has been collected but not processed. My friends keep telling me about things they're doing and people they're with, only to have me ask them about it weeks later when it's completely irrelevant. 

Nothing makes sense, the days are completely blurred together. This entire year I feel like I haven't been apart of. 

I've managed to start therapy and college this past week. I have an interview for a better position next week. I'm starting the gym and eating healthier now. Things are generally great. 

But, my brain isn't okay. It isn't working and I am so frustrated and exhausted. Someone please help. 