I won't go into detail about our past as much as it would take forever, but I wanted to make this post to hopefully get some more insight and resources for now and the future to help me in dealing with someone I know who has BPD.

I met this girl online a little over a year ago and we hit it off so well so quickly. Wasn't long before we couldn't stand to be apart and would always either be talking on the phone/playing a game/watching shows, and spent so much of our days with each other. She mentioned early on that she has always thought that she had BPD but was never properly diagnosed until recently. We ended up officially getting together almost 2 months ago, but she realized that it'll be hard for her to stay committed (mainly due to long distance/BPD) and see this as exactly what she wants until we're able to meet. As much as it hurt, I don't blame her for that and I get why she feels like that, just sucks because of the whole COVID situation keeping us apart when we had planned to meet earlier this year.

So since then we took the label off of it and just take things a day at a time, still talking most of the day and still feel pretty close, but recently more than usual I sometimes have moments where I struggle to do the right thing when a situation comes up that might be caused or made worse because of BPD. Whether it's me not saying the right thing, or not being able to completely understand her thought process about things she does/says, situations tend to get worse before they get better no matter how hard I try to defuse it. The thing I've seen about feeling like I'm walking on eggshells comes to mind, but I know that's not her fault. I know her emotions can do a complete 180 so quickly and she's not to blame because I know she can't control it and I know all she needs sometimes is for me to be there for her instead of add onto her problems by maybe saying the wrong thing.

I want to be better at dealing with this and be able to know the right things to say every time because even if she tells me afterwards that it was because of her BPD and that I may have not done anything wrong, I still feel like in the moment I've messed up in some way and hate myself for not being able to be there for her by calming her down with whatever it is that happened or whatever I may have said/done that came across the wrong way.

I don't want to lose her, and some of the times that I do something that maybe comes across the wrong way, she threatens to leave me if I "obviously can't handle being with someone that has BPD and don't know how to deal with it and clearly never will". Again I get why she feels like this and maybe in the moment feels like I'll never be able to be there for her the way she wants when she's like that, but I know I can be better at this and just want to learn so we can be happier. I'm not perfect, I know I'm not and I know I can fuck up , but I definitely never ever do anything with the intent of hurting her, someone I love so much, and I've been trying really hard to improve.

I've started reading this book called "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder", is that a good resource to start with? She also sees a therapist herself which I think is helping her a bit, and I'm happy about that and happy for her. I'll literally take any advice because as much as I know BPD is something therapy will help her a lot with and I'm not a therapist that can get through to her the way they may be able to, but I know I can help her and help us be better instead of having these arguments that get worse and worse sometimes because I might not be saying the right things. I want to show her that I'm here for her and know how to keep us stable through stuff that might be caused or made worse because of BPD.

I just want to be good for her.