This is something new I'm started coming to terms with over the last couple months. I'm a fiercely loving person at times but at others, I'm cold and almost entirely shut down. I don't think I have the ability to feel or express love to people in a genuine way who I feel like do not love me in return. It sounds horrible. I can fake it when I need to of course but sometimes it's just so clear to me that unless I feel loved back, the only love I can give is a disingenuous facade. Awful.