I 16(Nb) am just tired of feeling like a loser. People would say I'm smart but I think otherwise, I have no luck when it comes to love. I lost a few friends because of my personality and I understand that I can be annoying.


My grades are poor but I pass. I'm disappointing my mother and everyone I know. I just want to disappear and be free. My ex-gf told me when I asked if we're still dating and she said who said we were, that honestly hurt because I thought the I love you messages and I want to cuddle,hug and kiss you meant something but I guess not. I've tried everything to be gone but I guess I'm destined to live. 


I don't tell anyone how I really feel. I did it with a close friend but I felt like I was burdening him so I stopped and cared for his needs. No one asks how I'm doing and it hurts but we move. It's so isolating just being alive. My childhood was terrible to say the least. I've been abused physically by my mom if my grades were shit and she still does crack at times. My parents and everyone seem to care only for my brother.


My dad walked out and he wasn't great either. Grandparents died due to COVID on my birthday and I live with the guilt that my birthday is cursed because everything seems to go wrong on that day. My parents would fight, we've either never celebrated it, people would forget etc. Meanwhile they would celebrate other family members. I just feel like a loser.


With everything I touch it seems to disintegrate I think I'll be writing here everyday or at least I'll try to.