I think it was a Law and Order episode where a mentally ill man lamented why he didn’t take his meds every day. He said something to the affect of “when you are fighting literally every second not to have a breakdown, it’s such a relief to just …let go..” that’s exactly how I feel. When I’m sober and feeling okay at least, it’s a constant struggle. Every single day. And I get tired. And my strength fades. And pretty soon I’m back on drugs, laying in bed, not trying anymore because something about letting go of all my dreams and drives to get better just feels so comforting. And sometimes that’s the only comfort I get during the day.