BPD makes me feel like I’m in a never ending loop with myself. I push people away and it hurts me in the end. I get mad for no reason and then apologize and try everything for my FP to not leave me! I can’t help it 
I want it to stop and idk how :( it’s just getting worse overtime because I’m becoming aware of my actions and it’s like I’m on the outside watching but I can’t do anything about it