two weeks ago, my fp blocked me after 6 years of an extremely close and intense friendship that led me to believe that he was my soulmate. it ended because my emotions were too much of a burden for him and he finally had enough. everything that i was afraid of came true because of me. i don't really know whats worth fighting for anymore, because i was sure that even if i lost everything, it would all be okay because i would still have him. but im at a point in my life where i feel like i have nothing and he's not even here anymore to help me through it. i don't know why i thought it would last, either. i keep losing everyone that i love and im exhausted. i dont want to go through this self-fulfilling prophecy anymore.

i don't have family, friends, or an identity. he was my only sense of comfort and hope in my unstable life. i have been desperately trying to talk to people and meet friends to fill the void. it just isn't the same and it leaves me lonelier than before.

i just want to feel like somebody cares about me again. i want someone to care about me and love me again. i want to love and to be loved. the only person i know who loves me unconditionally is my mother. i want to be hugged by her as she plays with my hair and tells me its okay and that she is always there for me. we were never close and our relationship was dysfunctional, but she is the only form of comfort, security, and love i can get in the end. i cant deal with the cycle of loneliness and abandonment. the loneliness and pain is killing me.