Every day it gets harder for me to dedicate myself to something, I hate everything. I simply don’t care to do anything. I don’t want to mow the lawn, go swimming, drink beer, see people, talk to people, my mind is getting worse with no signs of getting better. I’m irritable, I’m backed into a corner and now it’s too hard to get out. I can tolerate playing some video games but even that gets annoying now. 

I find myself staying awake for days at a time and sleeping for a few hours when I’m too tired. I lost all sense of rhythm and routine. I lost my job because of poor performance. I don’t even care, I felt like a slave anyway. But now I’m a degenerate. I will never have kids. I had girlfriends and friends and experienced some good in life. But my luck ends there. I have no will to continue, no discipline to reach higher because I don’t see the worth. All the winners are just doing what I did but ten times more, over and over until even they are tired of it, then develop small little nuanced hobbies and call it sophisticated, like golf or whatever.

Am I just a product of society? Fuck society then. If you can deal with it, good for you. But what can I do? Absolutely nothing else.