//am a lurker, but need to get this off my chest.

My trauma manifests in odd ways; one of which is repetition compulsion. For some reason, I find myself infatuated with the same types of people who time after time do exactly the same thing: cut contact, refuse that anything is wrong, talk shit about me, deny it, then disappear either for years, or forever. They have very similar traits, but I never notice until it’s too late.

Well, it’s happened again.

She stopped interacting with me over social media (though would regularly look at my stories) and took days to respond to texts. Sometimes she would like a post of mine, just to immediately unlike it. I texted her, asking if I’ve done anything, and the answer was always some form of “No, it’s just (some mental health symptom), you are totally fine”. She separated from me rather quick, softblocking me from a personal account and not responding to any comments of mine.

After doing this three separate times, I tried one final time to talk to her. She still hasn’t responded.

I just kinda had it.

It was about three days ago that I just unfollowed her on everything. Didn’t block; just respectfully parted.

I check today to see if she has unfollowed me, and it turns out she blocked me.

Now I’ll be the first to tell you that I really hate this petty high school shit. I’m two years into college; I can’t be bothered, since I’m probably not going to see her again in a few months anyway, when I go off to finish school. Also, I’ve been so emotionally drained from the devastation of going through this 5 times before, I have nothing left to give. I feel almost... empty about it.

However, it’s been on my mind all day. *Did* I do something wrong? Should I have been there for her more? Less? What happened? I have so many questions, and yet again, I’m left with no answers.

It’s not even a “fuck her”, it’s a “fuck ‘em”. That whole ghosting thing as a concept. Surprisingly, I don’t have any animosity toward her (hopefully I can keep myself rational...), but again, I have to be this emotional nomad; pack my shit up and hike until I find a new friend. I am tired. Tired, tired, tired.

