I want to unalive myself. At the same time, I know I won't. But the feelings and thoughts are there. I try my hardest to not show my illnesses, but deep down there is so much going on. Anxiety 24/7, flash backs, panic attacks, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, mood swings (bpd), constantly thinking about the last, being a single mom, in college, dissociating, possible seeing things but not sure. I feel like there is a pit in my chest 24/7 for years. I'm sick of it. Ive been to multiple hospitals in the past, seen psychiatrists, therapist. I've done cbt, edmr, dbt, art therapy, etc. Nothing works. Ive veen on countless meds since I was 10 and I'm 23 now. Everyone says it gets better, but when because its been over a decade. I tried to unalive myself the first time when I was 8. I don't know the exact time it all started, but it was a couple years before. I just don't know what to do, but I'm sick and tired of it. I honestly don't know how much longer I can take it all