i’m going to get another full psychological exam soon and hopefully that will be able to provide me with an answer. it’s been helpful learning about bpd because i may not be diagnosed, but i definitely experience the symptoms of borderline. everything from the childhood trauma, the horrible emotional regulation, the extreme abandonment issues, you name it. i always felt like there was something missing to the ptsd, the anxiety, the depression that i hAve been diagnosed with. it’s also extremely misunderstood even with psychologists and therapists. whenever i explain to people working in the mental health industry how i feel and why i feel like i could have this disorder, they seem confused and unsure how to approach it because they don’t even seem to know what it is. i always fall into rabbit holes of research, and one day i was looking at disorders because my ex told me they were diagnosed with bpd, and i had previously brought up bpd with a psychologist before but they dismissed it because i was 14 at the time. i remember it sounding like me to the T. i forgot about it after it being dismissed, but when i stumbled across it again it was just as apparent, if not more. it’s not just a one time thing either. it’s everyday. it’s every second of everyday. i feel like every aspect of my life is impacted negatively bc of my behavior and these symptoms. i can’t function right. it’s like my brain missed a crucial time of development when i was a child (i have childhood trauma) and i never learned how to cope. i have immigrant parents who had to work when i was a baby and as a result i was sent to china with my aunt for one or two years. when i came back i thought i had lost my mother. i don’t remember it, but my mom tells me stories of where i would leave the house in the middle of the night screaming and sobbing to look for my ‘mother’. it took me a long time to adjust to my new life. i also suffered through neglect and abuse because my parents had a 24/7 work schedule. they were always too tired to give me the attention i needed, especially since i was born so hypersensitive and empathetic. i try my best, but i can’t have healthy relationships and attachments. i have cptsd from childhood and from prolonged sexual abuse. i never have lasting friendships. they always end up leaving me because of my unstable mood and dramatic personality changes because of my unstable identity. nothing about me is stable. everyday feels like a rollercoaster. i’m in so much pain. i feel so misunderstood no matter how loud i scream. i can relate to every post in this subreddit and it often feels like the only place where people understand me and i’m not misunderstood. obviously these aren’t the only symptoms i experience. it’s a whole range and variety of things and i feel like they are all perfectly described and summed up in this su reddit. i’m so glad i found this subreddit. i can’t wait for the evaluation. i’m so tired of having no answer for myself and for others