In fact, it's getting worse. I lost my gf, I have no energy to work out. I WANT to get better, but I physically cannot force myself to do things. My life is going down the drain as I slog through this summer. It has been the greatest summer of my life so far, and I'm still not happy.

I have not gone to bed happy in years. Every night, even after the greatest day, I go to bed fantasizing about the bed of a shotgun. I can't stand living here on a planet full or rotten people.

I want to be happy. I want to be happy so bad. One of my front teeth is falling out because I haven't brushed my teeth in months. I'm sloppy and tired. I don't enjoy playing games anymore, and everything I do goes to waste.

I'm so sad, and nothing my therapist says, or my bills do, or I gaslight myself into thinking, can fix it.

I'm not just sad, I'm furious. I'm so angry all the time and I want to get expel this anger on the people who cause if. They don't have any empathy for me, so why should I for them?

They deserve all this shit that I go through.

All my life I've been good, doing my best, trying to make everyone happy, trying to balance myself with what people want me to do.

But the thing is, these can't be balanced. I've never been true to myself because society would dox me or give me death threats. I can't handle this build up of anger, exhaustion, and sadness anymore.

People can't change. Deep down everyone has always been the same, and always will be.

There is no salvation.

Time to give up, because things don't get better.

They lied to us. Goodbye.