I am suffering in silence because I don’t want to scare my boyfriend away. We only started dating in like April, but I care so much about him. I know he cares a lot about me too, but I’m always so hyper aware of any sort of imbalance in effort into the relationship that I overanalyze the littlest things and immediately think he doesn’t love me anymore, and I just completely shut down. I’ll go from sending him all these tiktoks that remind me of him to ghosting him for the rest of the day after I realize how fucking annoying I am. I think about him all fucking day. I live by myself with my emotional support cat, and lately I can’t enjoy time by myself anymore. I just want to be around him. But I know that’s super unfair to ask of him and I want him to know I value his personal space, as would I. But it’s those moments when I text him something like “hey, if you’re free today feel free to come by if you’d like to watch anything or just chill. If you’d rather just chill at your place today that’s totally fine too lol,” and he responds with “I’m just gonna chill at my place today. I might hang out with you tomorrow though.” Just looking at it, it doesn’t really sound like much but it sends me down into a fucking spiral and my head is just screaming at me that I’m so fucking annoying, that I need to balance out my over talking with saying nothing at all and basically removing myself from existence for a while. And not only that, but he just recently moved into an apartment where he’s rooming with 2 other girls. I’ve pretended like I don’t care and it’s no big deal but I’m bothered so much by it. But at the same time I don’t want to guilt him into hanging out with me. I don’t want him to know that I’m miserable every second of the day in my lonely apartment. I keep so many feelings to myself and so much shit is just bottled up and I feel like I’m about to cry almost every second of the day. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING INSECURE?? WHY DO I ALWAYS RUIN GOOD THINGS????? I fucking hate this so much. I don’t want to lose him, but I feel like I’m about to lose my fucking mind. I am trying so fucking hard to be a good “chill” girlfriend and respect his space. But it’s so exhausting putting up this front that I’m not a crazy insecure jealous bitch. Why am I like this.