I wanted to see my brother and best friends weddings, to see their families form and to see them happy. Knowing I won't get to see them saddens me, but knowing they'll do it anyway is a relief as well.

I wanted to start a family and have kids, but I know I'll never find a partner I'm good enough for. After dating several people over many years, I've realized I'm not motivated enough to not only be there for them, but even worse if we brought kids along. I'd love to see my daughter's wedding, my son's graduation, but I'm sparing them having myself as their parent and possibly my mental state being brought onto them.

I want to give my family financial and emotional closure. Even if I don't get along with them all the time, I want them to not worry about the future or their lives moving on.

I'm sorry I can't do more for everyone. I'm sorry I'm so selfish and mentally ill that I can't keep going. I'm sorry I couldn't be the person you needed in your lives. I hope if anything comes from my dying, you'll know God loves you and always will. He didn't take me, I did. Blame me, hate me, curse me, anything which will make yourselves feel better. The dead do not care about what is spoken of them. The dead do not influence life. The dead only return to dust, and should always.