I feel awful right now. I just feel like I mess everything up.. I ruminate and obsess about things I have said or done when drunk or even sober, just out with friends. I sometimes just want to keep my mouth shut as much as possible in social settings because I always end up saying or doing something I regret.

To be honest, I don't think I should drink in the first place because having bpd and drinking is always destined for disaster. 

I do things impulsively that are not okay, like at all. 

For instance I'll go off on some guy if he's rude in any way at a bar and my impulse control is out the window. 

But not only that, but when I'm at work and I overshare everything about my life to my coworkers.. I don't like being like this and I keep telling myself no no, think before you talk.. but when it comes down to it I just word vomit my trauma and my life. It's ridiculous. BPD is such a dick sometimes. 

Also, broke up with an ex about 7 months ago and if anyone else here is like me you're still feeling that abandonment.. hard.. so of course I end up attempting to talk to him and then I get pissed at myself for trying and just block him before he even responds. IMPULSIVE ASS BITCH like I cannot just chill and here I am beating myself up for all this living in my own personal hell. I've been attempting to watch Netflix to distract myself but that only works for so long.

🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️