I hate being lonely and depressed, I fucking really do. I have no energy or motivation to meet new people and make friends and I blame myself for that every damn day, loneliness is like poison for me and I have no power to fight againts it. 

Every time when there is an  opportunity to meet other people, I run away and ignore them because I'm afraid of being ignored, hated because I'm not interested but still I am... this is hell, why this would not already end?! I'm tired being alone and not loved and yet I blame myself for that. I haven't even hugged anyone in years. I wanna just cry but I can't, even if I'm feeling like hell, I can't cry. I wanna this to end.

What I should do? I have medical treatment for my depression but so far I don't feel any better. I feel I'm just a weight for everyone around me.