Okay, I know the title isn't great, but bear with me. 

SO. First a bit of background: I completed DBT last year, and had the most amazing individual therapist. I've said time and time again that if I ever had the chance to work with her again, I would in a heartbeat. I'm currently only seeing my psychiatrist weekly, as my psychologist post-dbt went on maternity leave just before this covid shit exploded.

The hospital I see my psychiatrist/did DBT through have started an outpatient therapy clinic. During my appt with my psychiatrist yesterday, she asked if I'd be open to seeing "Emily". Emily is definitely one of the better clinicians at the hospital, and is the only clinician I'd feel semi-comfortable seeing if I couldn't see my old therapist "Elle". However, I asked my psychiatrist if Elle was also participating in the outpatient clinic, and she said she was, but "only on a very short-term basis at this stage because she's not sure what her capacity to continue working will be". She continued on to say that she doesn't think I'd be able to handle it if Elle had to suddenly terminate for whatever reason. 

Look, I do understand my psychs justification. When I had to stop seeing Elle, I did *not* cope. But I feel like I've grown a lot since then, and handled my psychologist going on maternity leave really well. So I do feel like I'd be able to handle Elle having to suddenly terminate. And if I didn't... well, that's a problem for future me. Right now, with all this covid shit happening, I do need extra support. But I also feel like I need familiarity, which I would get through seeing Elle again. My psychiatrist told me to think about what I want to do in terms of seeing Emily (not Elle), and tell her at my appointment next Thursday. Well, I don't want to see Emily. I'm happy to see her if Elle has to terminate, but if I have the opportunity to work will Elle again, then I want to take it. But because my appt isn't for over a week, I'm worried that in that time I'll convince myself that I can see Elle again, only to find out she's decided to cancel any treatment and I'll be left feeling like shit. 

So here are the options I've come up with for handling the situation:

1. Call the hospital and ask if my psychiatrist can call me *(I'm not so keen on this option because I don't want to put more work on her over something that isn't urgent)*
2. Call the hospital and ask if they can forward an email to my psychiatrist *(I would outline the reason why I'm emailing rather than calling/waiting until my next appt, as well as explain why I feel like I'd be able to handle seeing Elle, and why I think it's the best option)*
3. Call the hospital and ask to speak to Elle directly, so we can work through whether working together is feasible *(Not too keen on this option either because I feel like it maybe crosses some boundaries??)*
4. Just wait until my appt with my psych in nine days to talk about it with her then *(and risk my opportunity to work with Elle, even briefly)*

I'm very conscious about not having this interpreted as something influenced by my bpd (even though I'm sure it is), because I know almost definitely that my request will be shutdown without consideration that maybe my wise mind is also playing a role in this decision as well. If the answer's no, then it's no. I'll be upset, but I'll manage. I just need to figure out the best way to go about this situation, so any advice would be vvvvv much welcome