I’ve been feeling terrible for the past months for several reasons, but now I’m pretty sure I reached low point… I lost control and told horrible things to my boyfriend that I never wanted to tell anybody - like not wanting to live anymore, feeling that I’m worthless and there’s nothing for me out there. I said a bunch of heavy stuff and it took me two hours to calm down. When it finally did I just felt very ashamed and I still am. 
The worst thing is that it was all online… he was comprehensive, but very very worried, and our relationship is already kind of distant lately. I feel that I have a therapist and I should be enough. Idk why I let it spill like that. I never told anybody how I felt like that. 
Even though I apologized a lot, I don’t know what to do with the feeling of shame overall. Couldn’t sleep, because usually I already can’t. 
I feel that the only thing I can really do is to seek literal help readjust meds again.
It’s the just the worst feeling when the only thing left to do is wait. I don’t even have a question here, I guess I just needed to vent.