I graduated in May with numerous honors and summa cum laude. I’m 22. Then I took on a teaching position that went terribly (check my post history if you want to know more) and ended up quitting after only 2 months in. Long story short the school environment was very toxic but I still feel like an ass for leaving the children behind. I just moved back into my parents house after only a brief period of full adult independence and I feel like freeloading shit. I know I still have time to get my life together. I have so many goals and aspirations, yet I want to sit in my room all day and hide from the world. 

I’m so exhausted. I’ve been put through the ringer for years but feeling like an unemployed bum with no future is triggering a mass amount of anxiety. I know I have my whole life ahead of me and I’ve barely gotten started. I know if I push myself I can find some sort of job while I apply (again) to grad school and figure out my next step in life. Yet, I keep thinking that I’m worthless now. That I’m no good. That I won’t get anywhere in life. I feel I am an embarrassment. I was a great student, but what if school is the only thing I’m good at? What if I can’t succeed or live up to the high expectations placed on me after all? Im scared I’ll have peaked in college only to fade in the real world. I haven’t even told some of my friends That I moved back home because I’m scared of them judging me. I haven’t really had time to search for a new job yet but every morning I wake up I berate myself. I know I should give myself some time to just settle down and heal from the whole ordeal but my anxiety calls me a piece of shit for every hour that goes by wasted. I honestly feel like I’m going insane. Part of me knows it’s okay to take a break and do some soul searching but the other part is punishing me for even considering it. I don’t know what’s up with me anymore. If anyone can offer me any advice I’d appreciate it, but you reading this dumb 4 am delirious post is more than enough.