I used to be “crazy” I quit jobs at a moments notice, drove 100mph down the highway, met up with random strangers, did any substance that was put in front of me and never thought about the future… granted I was absolutely fucking miserable most of the time BUT I was … free(?) 
I’ve been going to therapy and on medication that’s leveled me out for the past year and a half. I’ve finally held down a job for longer than like 4 months, I only smoke weed occasionally, I rarely fight with my partner, I continuously try to better myself and make good decisions… 

So why do I miss the “old crazy” me? I feel so trapped living life like this but I was so miserable back then.
Sometimes I think I’ll never find happiness and balance.