I’m feeling pretty low today and even lower after my FP told me I should keep the gift I made him for his bday... then he said he didn’t know I made it and that makes it different . Tbh I know he’s never going to appreciate anything I do and it puts me to the lowest lows. Right now I’m mainly suicidal because we’re not hanging out anymore and ever since our breakup 7 months ago, I’ve been at the lowest in my life. I have no support system and can’t even trust him anymore with my emotions because he called the cops on me when I was suicidal and they arrested me And forced me into the mental hospital because I was cutting . The officer yelled at me and the doctors were very cold towards me , the nurses at the mental hospital were empathetic , though . But now I don’t have any one to talk to and my therapist dropped me because I missed two appointments  in quarantine because I didn’t know how to work video chat .. after I told her on call and asked if we could do that instead . I can’t seem to stay afloat and don’t want to live with this stupid illness anymore or at all. I don’t want to think about him everyday and I don’t want to wake up knowing how messed up I am