I should be over it because they deserve each other but I fucking can't. I made a burner insta account just to look at them and they're happy. They genuinely look so much happier without me. So why can't I move on and accept that happiness knowing that it's better this way and that I should be fine being alone. But I'm not I'm fucking pissed that they're the ones who are always happy and get to eat all their cake. I spent years building up a relationship with these people and it all came crashing down because of some fucking breakup. I don't really have a lot of fond memories of high school anymore. I want to block it all out. I don't like how I feel the need to know how they are doing. I hate that they're willing to go over and act as though nothing had changed. Did I really make no impact on the group I spent all of high school around. And look at them now. They're happy. They weren't happy when they were with you but they're happy now. So what did I contribute? Absolutely nothing. 5 years from now they won't even remember me. All I'll leave is a fucking stain on their life but they will move on. But I won't. I'll still be stuck at this shitty community college while they all go on doing great things. So what's wrong with me. Why is it that 3 years of psychiatric help aren't enough to make me the slightest bit ok with who I am as a person while normal people are able to continue as anyone should. Why should I have to suffer the consequences of this stupid condition to the point where I hurt everyone around me. Why am I so obsessive? Maybe it's because they were the closest thing I ever held to a standard friend group. I made new friends. I have people who care about me. So why is it that 3 months later I'm still in the same spot I was before. My name fucking dragged through the mud while they move on. Is it truly my fault and if not where are the repercussions for everything they did to me. The abandonment and hatred is going to hurt me.