I hate this because I feel like my bpd won’t let me love my partner. We’ve been together 7 months, and I was head over heels obsessed with my partner. My life revolved around her. She gave me so much attention, validation, love, and affection. I absolutely adored her and wanted to spend every waking moment with her. I would get jealous when she talked about other people in her life, and reflecting on it I became painfully aware of how emotionally dependent I was on her, and how much it was making me neglect myself, my friends, and my interests. It made me split on her and we almost broke up. I begged and begged for her to get back with me, promising i’ll take care of myself and do better, and she took me back. The problem is I’m playing the push and pull game with her now. It broke her heart when she found out I was having doubts about us. So it’s so hard for her to trust me now, which is very valid. I don’t even trust myself because as much as I know I want her my brain won’t let me. The obsession is gone, I don’t get excited when I see her or get texts from her anymore. I just wanna feel like i’m in love with her again. A month ago we were talking about how we would wanna be together forever if we could. Now i’m here wanting a future with her, but feeling like my bpd won’t let me. Hanging out with her used to feel so natural, now it just feels awkward. She keeps asking me what’s wrong and I tell her nothing, because I don’t have it in me to tell her I feel nothing, especially after begging her to stay with me last week. I feel guilty because it just feels like i’m stalling for my feelings for her to come back, and my heart isn’t really in it right now, but i’m terrified of losing her, I don’t wanna let go, I want this to work more then anything…