(long but please take time to read/respond)

Okay, so I am 22 years old. I had just graduated college in May and have moved home with my parents since then. The backstory is I was on 20mg of Citalopram daily for 4 years while also smoking weed multiple times a day daily for 4 years. I don't know exactly what happened but right before graduating I had a major mental breakdown that resulted in me having to go home because I started to not feel real and was panicking left and right and eventually decided that quitting smoking weed was a good idea. 

(**now for the past 4 months**) I switched from 20mg of Citalopram to 10mg of Lexapro. Still felt depressed so then I increased the Lexapro to 20mg, further then I added Wellbutrin 150mg with the Lexapro 20mg. Felt completely emotionless so I went off the Wellbutrin. Eventually tapered off Lexapro because I felt it wasn't working and I was feeling super out of it so I switched to Trintellix. Went from 10mg to 20mg of Trintellix because I was STILL feeling bad but eventually started feeling super manic and erratic so I decided to go back down to 10mg. This is where I'm now. 

I feel EXTREMELY anxious and depressed these past couple of months and completely not myself like I used to feel the last couple of years. It is as if I died months ago and I am just barely living life. Every day (no exaggeration) is extremely difficult to get through and I've had points where I've contemplated suicide. I feel like I am not really here and have just been kinda going through the motions of trying to keep living and distracting myself. I feel this intense anxiety in me every day and don't understand what or where it's coming from. It's like a part of my brain is completely broken.

I am not really sure what to do at this point but I am now receiving weekly therapy as-well-as going to meet with a new psychiatrist to figure out what's going on or see if I can receive proper treatment. Is there anybody that has gone through a similar thing where they feel constantly anxious, not there/not themselves, and depressed? I feel like I am the only person in the world going through something this ongoing and severe and **truly** do not see an end to this.. Please if anyone has any words of encouragement or relatability let me know. My name is Cameron.