I needed a place to put my thoughts, I made a throw away account to vent here bc I don’t want family to see this post. 

Recently my panic attacks have increased and I lose sleep thinking of the future.

I have a lot of trauma and anxiety surrounding death, I unexpectedly lost my only sibling a few years ago, and my parent was recently diagnosed with a life threatening condition, I primarily take care of them. They’re managing fine health wise but they are mid 60s.

My long term partner is overweight and has an addiction to food. To spare the details, we are slowly working on it. It’s been highly stressful and I feel emotionally alone.

I lay awake at night imagining how much my life is going to blow up within the next 15 years after my parent and dogs pass on, etc. regular life losses and all that. It’s constantly in my head, thinking about my family dying. It’s so hard to live with.

We live halfway across the country from my other parent and family members, I don’t have friends or a strong support system. I put on a brave face and pretend I’m going along fine through life, but I’m getting worn out. My heart races frequently more recently and I break down crying in the middle of the night. 

I don’t have insurance and can’t afford therapy, I know it’s the only answer but it’s not attainable for me at this time, that’s why I feel so helpless. 

I feel like my issues here are trivial but thanks for letting me get my thoughts out there.