She diagnosed me with bpd on the first meeting, that was spot-on. Throughout the meeting I talked about my depression AND attention-issues, crazy impulsivity that lead to me destroying my whole room. I told her in the second meeting that bpd does not affect me as much as my inability to focus does because I am unable to move on as I can’t do anything without getting distracted.

Now the meds have kicked in and my low moods have disappeared, crazy thoughts subsided yet I still can’t focus on the books in-front of me and I have exams in 2 months. 

One thing leads to another, one moment I’m reading a sentence trying to make sense out of it, the next I’m in some other room, googling something unrelated.

It takes me 2-3 hours to even decide what to eat. Hours to get out of bed because my brain is scared of all the overworking it goes through for even simple tasks. 

I’m convinced I have adhd and I went through my teachers assessments of my personality as a kid and they all said I was inattentive and had potential. Why was my psychiatrist not able to recognise it, why do I have to continue to suffer? 

I told her I’m unable to study, miserably failing for consecutive years. I feel like she failed me but anyways, I’m planning on going for another session tomorrow and I’ll talk to her.