I can just go on pretending to be one. I miss the time when I didn't have to think about this, when I didn't know. I've been on DBT for 3 years and I'm fine 95% of the time. But when it hits, I can't hold it together. I've talked myself out of hurting myself and I don't know if I can continue to. 

I want to scream for help but I don't know how much others could. Everything that happened to me when I was a kid, it's going to follow me forever and I'll never be able to forget. I'll never be able to recover. Because if I don't think about when I'm conscious, it's always there when I sleep. 

Edit: Thank you for your kind words. 