Fucks sake.. It’s so exhausting. No matter how hard I try all my close relationships fade away, be it friends or relationships. My family and I never had a relationship for reasons I don’t want to disclose. Any time I reach out to friends they always decline, and even if they have a good excuse I can’t help but spiral into a whole sulking session where I just get angry and cry for hours. It’s so fucking hard man. 

And then I see everyone else. My friends in their long term steady relationships, with people they can rely on and be close to. People who can spend time with their family, do things like have dinner with them or watch tv with them or go out together. I can’t help but resent them all. I don’t know how to stop it and I know it’s wrong. It’s not their fault after all. It’s mine for being so bitter and sad. But shit.. what I would give to have that.