Technically,  the day of writing this I'll be 37 weeks in 2 days. My son can be born any moment now actually. I've been battling with depression my whole life. Literally since I was a child but I didn't understand it and family members didn't either. At 15 I overdosed on a bottle of Tylenol but ended up going to the hospital and later admitted.  I've also tried to gain the courage to hang myself 3 times in the past 2 years. I am 23.

This pregnancy has been hard and the person I'm having a baby with doesn't make things better. He says he cares but his actions show otherwise and he has been emotionally abusive in the past making me much worse. My panic attacks have come back and I feel myself getting numb again. I'm tired of people acting like they care when they don't. When I'm not okay, they are no where to be seen, judge me or simply don't help. Some people have tried but given up within minutes. I want to be there for my son and show him what real support looks like but I can't do this anymore. I put a blade to my neck hoping to gain everything in me to cut deep enough so I bleed out. But I couldnt....my son started to move and I just started to break down. 

I just wanted to vent. I know no one really cares.