If I am awake, i am buying something. I can't not buy things when I go out, because I'm my head I ask, "What's the point of going out and not getting something?" And regular folk will laugh and chime in, but they don't get it. I am penniless by Monday after getting $430 the previous Friday. If I can't get a coffee, or buy a lipstick when I stop in Walgreens, or that pack of cigarettes, I will literally be so agitated that I can be absolutely enraged all day. 
Anybody else got a spending habit here they can't get under control? I also tend to drink until I blackout so I avoid that as well. I don't even like to drink, but if it's presented to me, I can't stop. I will drink and smoke until I am completely blackout drunk. 
I have 0 impulse control, cause I really hate to be bored or deal with the general and vast uncomfortable feelings I'm faced with on a day to day basis. Lots of which are general rage, which my therapist suggested is from my being hurt somehow. 
I do feel like I will never be able to love anyone properly. Whoever I am with will get the brunt of this shitty ass personality disorder, and sometimes I feel like that label has become my existence (which, let's face it, was already ambiguous at best in my eyes). I guess I'm posting a lot on here today cause I just found this place, and in my world there aren't people who just simply understand. That is all I want, just understanding. I am suffering. 