In the past two months, it seems that the whole world has been crumbling and bouncing until it got here, lol. I turned 19 on New Year's Eve and I've never went through anything I was supposed to be living or to have lived at that age, not because I didn’t want to, but you know how when it looks like this 'awareness' starts to grow as you go growing up, even if you believe that time is OK?

I've never had a brilliantly social life, popularity, followers, dates, recognition and anything (which are such simple things that anyone can have). People around me say that I am beautiful, that I have potential, and that I should expose myself and take chances, and I have no justification for that, but when I try to make it happen, it doesn't take long for me to feel so small and such a coward for not achieving things that are so simple, like, being simply social, exist, and with that, I fall into the pathetic state that time goes by, and in a little while I'll be 20, and if there’s one thing I don’t want, it’s still feeling like this, because it hurts me everyday to feel like I'm constantly spending something in vain. In short, it's that anxiety about not having lived anything and wanting to live even though being like this.