First of all, I've been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder 3 years ago as a result of drug and alcohol abuse, I've been clean for 3 years except for cigarettes and now occasional jazz cabbage, which really helps my mood and relaxes me. I am also still on my meds, Sertraline and Alprazolam, I also have problems with addiction and moderation, I'm taking my therapy but not abusing it, but I also think I have built tolerance and they now serve more as a daily ritual, a habit than actual help with anxiety. Panic attacks diminished over the time, I experience those occasionally when I don't get much sleep, drink too much coffee, etc. I can handle that, considering I used to experience 20-30 panic attacks, DP/DR, severe social, existential, and all kinds of anxieties that exist probably, I went through literal hell while on my way to sobriety, my brain spent more than 10 years high beyond this world until it hit the boiling point. That journey was a huge lesson, and I'm 26 years old so go figure. 

Now, I have a problem with sleeping habits, I skip work, I get myself into all kinds of dumb situations to avoid certain people/situations, I dwell on my own future, worrying every day how it's going to turn out, what am I going to do, am I going to get married and have children and be able to provide for my wife and my children, I go beyond normal thoughts about future and plans, I spend nights awake thinking about that, that leads to me being awake and not getting enough rest so that lead to me skipping work, skipping work leads to some more anxiety, more anxiety brings me back to where I started and it all goes around like a carousel, as a result I also have really short temper at times and I snap at people in no time, which I kinda hate about myself. Now, my ex girlfriend that went through hell with me (and let's get something clear, I never hit her or anything similar to that), but she was there when I was high and drunk and unable to function properly, picking fights in clubs, on the street,etc. I cheated on her with multiple girls, she found out about it, she got mad, we broke up, kept seeing each other after that, but she couldn't get over it and I really understand that, she is completely right about being mad and hating me for my actions, I would probably do the same, I would probably never forgive her if she cheated on me. But recently we started talking to each other again over the phone, and now we are supposed to see each other, she is supposed to come to my apartment to spend some time with me because I have a lot of things to explain to her and I need her to see that now that I'm clean and sober I'm not that old terrible wreck of a person, that also gives me huge amounts of anxiety but I need to go slow with her, I know that everyhting is going to fall into its place but my brain likes to give me that little reminder that maybe something really wrong is going to happen and that 'what if' that anxiety brings. 

All in all, my brain feels like scrambled eggs nowadays, I also have to mention that I hate working, probably because I've spent my younger years spending easy money and doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, basically from 15th to 23rd year of my life I was a guy with bunch of money, travelling, getting high, getting laid, getting drunk, going crazy all the way, no moderation, not a single healthy habit, and now I'm paying the price. That combined with my extended knowledge of communist, Marxist and anti-capitalist theories really makes it hard for me to follow the rules of society, makes it hard for me to deal with any kind of authority, but I wish I could just scrap all of that and be a sheeple, maybe life would be much easier for me. Ignorance truly is a bliss.

Any advices would be welcome, and I'd be glad to help with anything I can help with.

Peace