My FP has been just that for around almost 3 years now. He was my right person wrong time. When he left I begged, pleaded, threatened for him to come back or to be with me. For years he would block, unblock, reject me. And as much as there were times he would blatantly lead me on I would cause this mess.

I finally got to a place where I accepted my FP was never going to be with me while he's in the military. We've been friends since, I dont cry anymore. He is a cool friend somewhat. I still have feelings but I am able to push that aside.

I've been talking to someone new recently and it is getting serious. He is sweet, caring, and we have alot of fun. He wants to be my boyfriend soon. I really like him!

But my FP is always there in the back of my mind. He was talking to me yesterday and I fell asleep. I woke up to a long paragraph (not normal hes pretty emotionless lol) saying he hopes he isn't leading me on, he looks forward to talking to me and seeing me when he can (his parents home is 4 min. From me which he visits once or twice a year) and that he can't be in a relationship for the next 3 years (military)

What sucks is, even if me and new guy get together. I know I would leave and be with FP if he came back and asked. He said he still has feelings for me. I wish my BPD would've moved on already. But I still think me and him were meant for something bigger, we just met at a wrong time.

I hate that this illness does that to me. If he wasn't my FP, I wouldve been fine not talking to him ever again. Sigh.