TW: very bad reaction to Lorazepam.

I'm curious to know if anyone else has had this kind of adverse reaction to this particular medication...

Some years ago when my anxiety was particularly bad regarding medical procedures, I was prescribed lorazepam to take before one. As I had never been on the medication before, my Dr suggested I try it when I felt an anxiety attack coming on - to see how it worked with me. The idea was that it would calm me down about the general anxiety of the upcoming procedure. 

Something, I don't even remember what now, set me off and I decided to give the stuff a try because I could feel an attack only inches away. It kicked in pretty fast, but it didn't... it didn't seem to work right?

The best way I can describe it is that it kicked my executive disfunction into overdrive. I settled down, got as comfortable as I could before the medication fully kicked in. While outwardly I looked calm, relaxed, and almost comfortably sleepy, in my mind I was having the worst anxiety attack of my life (even now, a good 12 or so years later, I have yet to experience a stronger one). In my mind I was screaming, absolutely terrified, and clawing to get out of a cage that was somehow my own body. I couldn't speak, words didn't how to find their way to my mouth and my jaw didn't want to open. I couldn't even move at all. The only reason my family knew something was up was that I was snuggled up, staring blankly, and tears were pouring down my face like out of a faucet. When the stuff finally began to wear off I was calm when I spoke but still mentally an absolute disaster. I told them that I never wanted to take it again in my life, and they waited until I was fully lucid again to let me explain. 

In the end the procedure I had been prescribed it for was cancelled, as it wasn't fully necessary anyway. Just a test at the end of a long list of "well maybe it's this" while we tried to find a cause for my chronic migraines. I have not taken lorazepam since. 

I'm wondering though if this would be my reaction to similar medications. My anxiety has spiked (understandably) in the last year and it has been recommended I try medication for it. I'm sure you can understand why I am... hesitant.