I've had so much trouble with the way my father's wife has gaslighted, lied, and fabricated an act in front of other people to cover her toxic behaviors being addressed. I am not the only person with a problem with her; my other three siblings share mutual concerns and she is trying to claim that it's us doing the things we've said she's been doing, such as being holed up in her room and not interacting with anyone. Before I moved back in with my father, my brother lived with him before he left to finish a job program out of town. He told me he never sees her out of her room and only recently has she begun working. All of us four have hardly talked to her since she came around to live with my father. It's because she is unsociable, but she projects those complaints about her behaviors onto us, pointing fingers and saying it's us doing it and she's being treated unfairly. She's using my father, but he's desperate to be married unfortunately and believes her fabricated story. 

She also trashed my downstairs livingspace and frightened my cats while I was out somewhere a couple nights ago. In front of my sister, my mother, and her partner, she not only lied, but she threatened she could kill me. My father is enabling her to treat his own children so poorly. My boundaries and dignity mean nothing to either of them. 

What hurts is that I could in the past trust my father, but now he's devoted himself to this self centered woman who he doesn't even love. I am not currently working, so I cannot move out anywhere in the area. Yet inside me, rage burns. My symptoms have flared up worst than they have in months. I am back to self harming behaviors after nearly a year of not turning to that. I have been suicidal for days. I messaged my father all sorts angry messages. I don't care if I'm not helping the conflict with me and him. I told him I should have ended myself when I was 12 because I've never been happy and that was my worst period of my childhood. There is so much to address about how his wife lied and gaslighted everyone that last discussion. It's no longer even cultural differences. She won't admit her mistakes without making up actions we never even did to justify herself. All she cared about was justifying herself and she put on an act because I made my mother and her partner witness this "talk". They know she's a liar too. I wasn't entirely civil, but still. At first she seemed convincing in my fog of post rage, but I realized she lied...and gaslighted. And wasn't genuine. I don't know what to do. I can't trust myself to not hurt myself because this conflict is also retraumatizing. I still haven't healed from earlier childhood wounds and it feels like a continuation of similar past conflicts.