Honestly, I’m just posting this for me. 

I probably always showed signs of schizophrenia, growing up or at-least something  along the lines of psychosis, but unfortunately, due to unforeseen trauma in my life, I do not remember my childhood at all! 

I know that when I was a preteen and then maybe late 20s I tried  to you know… now afterward I did get sent to a ward and I went to therapy but looking back on it I can’t really remember why I wanted to do it. I can’t remember the thoughts that were going through my head. This is just really annoying because I feel like it’s like I’m never going to get closure because I’m not even confident if I was even having my own thought, like did I really want to do that or not, just the fact that I have to try to rationalize if I was being influenced by my own thoughts, it’s just really annoying and I’m not even sure if this even make sense. 

Sorry reader 

So anyway fast-forward into my life I’m like 25. I’m clearly aware that the symptoms that I am having are not normal symptoms and I’m pretty sure my therapist is politely trying to tell me to go see a psychiatrist. I think the main symptom that I had was that when I was trying to explain some of the thoughts that I’m having I would never really say thing like, I was thinking this or I was thinking that , it would always be like “I had this thought and then there is this other thought and then they said this are they would say that” and my therapist would say like who are they and I’m like oh it’s just the other hypothetical situations that appear I’m pretty sure I stressed her out Lol 
Anyway, she finally convinced me to go see a psychiatrist and by the Wikipedia age of 25, maybe 27 I was in the category of women’s who schizophrenia shows up later in their life, which was really fucking annoying, because being 27 is already fucking hard enough and then only to find out that it’s probably gonna get a lot worse.

And right now it’s not too bad except for the fact that I’m in a two year relationship and I got this news I’m not too sure but I want my future to because I’m not even sure what my future is going to look like now. And me and my boyfriend are breaking up because he has dreams in the future, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be a part of it. And I read the comments in the post and I just feel so defeated. 

I guess the most annoying part of this is that nobody warned you how heartbreaking finding out that you have schizophrenia is. 

I know none of this probably made sense. I have probably deleted this within 24 hours. I just kind of want it to tell someone.