I’ve always heard that people in their 20’s (especially early 20’s) should do as much possible but it’s sucks because I hate feeling too dependable on people and making group hang outs with different cliches… because sometimes some drama happens and fingers get pointed at me. Someone starts something with me and it makes me feel like an outsider. Or it’s a good vibe group but I start splitting slowly the moment I notice somethings off (for example: a girlfriend in the group was super close to me, we used to talk everyday and since we work together I always try and be close friends wise, but she seems short/dry texts wise now and hasn’t made any plans in a while to hang out even one on one :(( ) 

And I don’t like being alone now… I learned today I can’t listen to music without slowly allowing myself to think and it starts to go down from there so I force myself to have background noises like my comfort YouTubers to laugh along or have voices around me to refuse from thinking and focus on the tasks at hand. 

I hope someday I can be comfortable with myself again… I rly do