
Here’s my situation:

I feel neutral most of the time. The most common emotion I feel other than “neutral/nothing” is anxiety. Other emotions that I have felt are: some version of love (I don’t think it’s the full thing) for myself and for my partner and others, fear, desire (this is rare and it’s kind of “on or off”), anticipation of a good thing (this only happened once to my knowledge), and shame.

I don’t listen to music much or watch movies much or look at art much or read poetry, because mostly it doesn’t do that much for me. I have come to understand recently that for many people, certain music is so meaningful that it can heal them during a tough time, and a song can be a spiritual experience. I learned that people can personally identify with music that doesn’t even have lyrics. None of this makes any sense to me. Like at all. I feel like I’m missing a critical piece of the human experience, I feel like I’m only experiencing a tiny fraction of what there is to experience emotionally. 

I desperately want to experience all the emotions everyone else feels. I want to experience that depth and complexity. I feel that I need to do this in order to develop truly close intimate relationships with others, and to develop a deep and trusting relationship with myself, and to develop a relationship with nature and god, to find meaning.

DAE have a similar experience and does anyone who used to experience this have a recovery story?