Tw: food, weight loss, disordered eating, suicide attempt

I have never really been proud of my body. I grew very fast (I was 5'9 at age 12) and my family's predisposition to gain weight has caught up with me lately. Plus weight gain from medication and binge eating, and well... My weight is at it's highest it's ever been (230 lbs at nearly 6'1). 

Everytime I start thinking of losing weight, my mind goes extreme. I suudenly have to HATE the way my body looks now. That, obviously, makes me hate myself more and want to binge eat.

Is there a way to deal with this? To like myself now and also be ok with trying to lose weight?