After a turbulent, sometimes violent relationship my ex girlfriend of 2 years finally got the courage to leave me. Good for her.

We lived together and I was undiagnosed. Now I'm in my mid 20s and I know I'm going to die alone. It's just a matter of when

Why can't I get over her? I treated her like an emotional punching bag, we had fights where I became EXTREMELY violent to her or broke her/our stuff

How could I even care anymore? I keep trying to remind myself of things she did that sucked, like leaving me on my own to deal with my friends suicide because her asshole sister demanded some "family time". But I know I'll never do any better than our time together. I'm too old too crazy