Im 17, Male, and an Agnostic Atheist.

Even before covid hit, I've been on a downward spiral and its been that way since I was 13. Ive contemplated a lot of different things that I dont like thinking about, like mortality, death, human nature, and an afterlife. Ive always told myself that I'd cross that road when I get to it. Now I cant stop thinking about my loved ones or animals dying.

Its gotten to the point where nothing makes me happy, every time my parents or family try to do things for me, all I can think about is how futile it is and how much worse I'm going to feel whenever they eventually pass. I cant even enjoy vacations or small things like i used to because of these thoughts constantly looming over me. 

Ive been raised to be a Christian, but i started questioning religion a long time ago and came to my own conclusion that i dont know what will happen, and thats okay. What I havent been able to get over is that I wont know what'll happen to everyone I love.

Every since covid, I've lost all my friends and got kicked out of my highschool. My mom spent $200 on homeschooling me but I started slacking. I have adhd and i cant focus sometimes but i dont want to use that as an excuse. we agreed that i cant complete highschool and that i'll have to get my GED. But I havent been reenrolled in anything so i stay at home all the time, letting my life waste away, alone with my thoughts.

This all sounds pretty generic and i dont even know if anyone will take the time to read this, but any words of encouragement help.