im 18, ive been depressed since my grandfather passed away when i was 11....i spend most of my time alone which leaves me with a lot of time to think... i feel like thats an advantage because its helped me mature a lot, but i think too much and im sad most of the time.... ive become extremely insecure about many of my relationships with people and i feel like a burden when i try to open up to them
i realize that most of the things i do are just escapes.... i gym to clear my mind, play soccer, smoke weed and drink all in attempt to get a away from my thoughts.... my thoughts arent necessarily negative but i try to be as honest as possible with myself..... and i guess the truth hurts
i often find myself google, why does everyone hate or why does everyone love me.... i spend so much time alone that i dont understand how normal people's minds work.... i have friends but i enjoy being alone even though im lonely.... i remember there was once i time when i just wouldnt think