But I also am aware that I have pushed a few solid good ones away. Because like for me there was no connection or passion or fun. Like somehow whatever is missing with them is the reason I gravitate towards pwNPD who destroy me. Who bring out the worst of my BPD. I think I’m just here hoping to see some happy stories. I try to pretend I don’t care much about being alone or not being married again. Or having someone to raise my kiddo with. But it does bother me sometimes. Probably because I’ve pushed a few good ones away. Idk why I do that. I just know when there’s no passion there I get bored. And for some reason with passion comes all the other stuff. I’m tired of being cheated on and lied to. Made out to be the monster. When all I really am is just an interrupted girl trying to continue her story the best I can;