It doesn't get easier no matter how many times I do it. Routine feels like a prison and not like life. This isn't going to work. I don't want to keep sleeping. I don't want to keep waking up. I don't want to keep organizing and reorganizing and recovering from crisis. I don't want to just feel obligation to do everything I do and not purpose. I don't want to do anything and I never fucking did. I can't make myself want to do anything. I don't care if I "can" do it I don't fucking want to. It's not worth it. It's not worth the pain. I know I'm gonna hurt people when I die. I'm so so so sorry. I just can't face the truth of life being complete nothingness