I have these rituals where I force myself to be appreciative of everyone and everything in my life. I imagine the impact my death would have on my loved ones and I go on evening though I know I’m going to have to start the process over tomorrow. The thing is it doesn’t really work anymore. I know what my death will do to those I love but I am so tired. I’ve spent the last 30 years fighting everyday. I don’t want to do this anymore. My current state of mind is that time heals all and my family will move on with time. 

I wish I could be stronger/healthier for them.