Hi all.
So, I'm well aware that I need to go to therapy in order to make any headway (I have comorbid disorders). But I'm encountering a HUGE mental block when it comes to booking and actually going to appointments. The same often occurs with renewing my med prescriptions. 
For example, I might have a hypomanic episode in which I am motivated to get my shit together, book appointments and take my medication properly. But shortly after, I'll hit a low, and fall back into the cycle.
I am well aware that this behaviour comes across as stubborn and irresponsible, but I honestly feel like I don't deserve to actually be happy or experience any improvement. I live like my days are numbered, and I'm constantly beating myself up for not trying harder.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 
Cheers 