...and I don't even know why!!!! Actually, that's a lie. I know WHY I'm pissed, but the reason isn't really a reason and it shouldn't cause me to feel this way. I know that, but I still do and I can't help it. I'm holed up in my dark room right now by myself to try to keep my emotions in check, but really all I wanna do is go in the other room and yell and scream about how much I hate him and don't want to be with him. That's not even true...or I don't think it is. I don't even know any more to be honest. Sometimes things are ok. Every now and then they're even great, I'm just trying to figure out the last time I truly felt satisfied. Then I wonder if I even know HOW to be satisfied. Is that something I'm even capable of? Sometimes it feels less likely than my ability to truly love. 

I just wanna run away. Not from this place (though I honestly wouldn't mind that either...I'm so tired of being stuck here feeling trapped for no reason) but just from life. Can't I just quit life for a while until I'm more capable of living it? I just need a break, and I can't seem to get one. 