I have struggled with depression and anxiety since I was around 13, and am now 20 (F). I grew up overseas, moved around a lot, and didn't have many good relational skills except for talking to adults because my friends were always temporary. I loved where we lived, my dad and mom worked at a hospital and growing up in that environment while having the desire to help people &amp; be useful in a practical way ultimately led me to study health professions in college, hoping to maybe work internationally as well. It was home for me for so long, but we moved back to the U.S. during my senior year of high school (I was 16), and adjusting was extremely hard for me although I've been told I'm "adaptable"... I do like change, but this time I felt so alone and sank into an even deeper depression than ever before, and all I wanted was to get to college and start afresh. That obviously didn't solve my emotional turmoil though - going to college only made it harder with the stresses of studying and relationships - while there were also many blessings. All throughout college I've battled with generalized and social anxiety and had episodes of depression constantly despite many efforts, medication, and counseling (I realized later that the antidepressants were actually making it worse). I've had issues with friendships, taking everything to heart, getting hurt too easily, and pushing people away. I was also in an overly serious, and toxic dating relationship last year that only added to my mental health struggles. I've been encouraged by a couple of really good friends who have stuck by my side during my ups and downs... which is truly incredible and I am so grateful for them.

I still have the desire to go into the healthcare field, although I've had many doubts due to my poor grades between mental breakdowns and inevitable crises that have arisen. Being very self-aware by nature, I could see that I was depressed but felt like there was nothing I could do to stop it. I love studying biology, and since the beginning of college, PA school was my goal but the pressure from my parents, my advisor, and myself only makes that perfectionist in me come out when I've tried to keep it dormant. Maybe it's my sensitive or overly empathetic nature, but because I was raised in a household where life was more about "doing" than "feeling", and no matter how good I did something I was told it could've been better, I was never doing/helping enough, and I needed to take on more responsibility and be the peacemaker due to constant conflict... it was emotionally taxing. 

Anyway, I've made excuses to professors and friends that I am constantly having issues due to "being sick" or having chronic pain (which I do occasionally) because I feel like that's more acceptable/excusable than mental illness. The student success center on campus has been a huge resource and has saved me from almost dropping out several times. I try to remind myself that I have accomplished a lot despite my drawbacks - not as much as I know I'm capable of - but I got through nonetheless. I've almost finished 7 semesters of college (am currently a senior), have been in many theatre productions and choir concerts, have been a club leader, and finished an intensive 10-week EMT course this fall, soon to be nationally licensed. The problem is, I constantly feel like the ground is about to drop out from under me, and I'm just slipping, slipping, slipping... until it's too late to get out. Last semester, when my doctor increased the dose of a certain antidepressant, my condition quickly got worse. I began to experience fights of racing thoughts, more intrusive suicidal thoughts, self-harming (never done before), spending money carelessly (usually a saver), and acting uncharacteristically recklessly. After this, I was put on mood stabilizers and have done much better although I can still feel the cycles at a lesser degree usually. My parents were worried about me going back to college but I thought I was better so I assured them I would be fine. 

However, this fall things started to get out of control again... first I spent a couple of thousand dollars on a business plan that didn't work, then I started going out driving when I became hypomanic because I had so much energy and couldn't sleep - driving really fast until one night I crashed and totaled my car. I ended up in the psychiatric hospital for the first time, because of that and I was suicidal... this was where I was diagnosed with bipolar II as well as anxiety. I started new meds and returned to campus for a while, but I started to have intrusive and dark thoughts again which culminated when one night I was in a really weird mixed mood state and though I tried to let my frustration/agitation out by numbing myself with ice and tearing newspaper to shreds, I relapsed into self-harm (for the first time in months) and fell into so much guilt. I then took a handful of Benadryl soon after, not even caring about hurting myself.  I started hallucinating audibly and visibly as well as feeling extremely paranoid and having physical symptoms, causing me to freak out and get help from the counseling/health center on campus despite knowing what it might cost me. I ended up having to go home, and am having to drive back and forth with my parents while living 2 hours away (currently staying with friends near the college) because I'm not allowed to stay in my campus apartment due to the situation. This is very frustrating although I'm trying to stay positive until winter break although I'm at my breaking point. My mood disorders have become so altering that it takes over my life and I either feel like a zombie going to classes or am in a state of debilitating depression or hypomania. Even though I'm on different meds now (Lithium and lamotrigine), which make me feel more stable, I'm constantly on edge thinking I could swing to one side at any moment. My mom says I should focus on recovery over school, but my dad thinks I should try to finish if I can. I'm so close to being done that I'm still hesitant to quit although I'm scared about getting into a crisis again. 

I gave a lot of background so you could really see the whole picture. Do you think I should take a leave of absence next semester due to my situation and finish next fall 2023, or stick it out and keep going to graduate on time in the spring?