Not sure what I want from this post. Maybe I just want to get it out into the world?

I'm bipolar. I'm in my second university degree. I really felt as though I had my moods under control until my father passed away less than a year ago, and things fell apart.  I'm in a nursing program; they're pretty unforgiving when it comes to attendance. The program I'm in doesn't give a shit if you're sick, they'll make you repay tuition to take a course again.

I'm trying so, so hard not to let my depression tell me I'm a failure and that I should quit. But where the hell is my manic state? Why can't it show up now? Why am I stuck in this state of self-pity?

&amp;#x200B;

Anyone else struggle with academia and weighing the cost of attending school to just fucking surviving? I hate that I have to pick between my mental health and thousand of dollars.