So I’ve had some time to think and I have realized that I’ve made a lot of mistakes over the past couple weeks. When I am in a conflict I find myself more often that not agreeing with what someone is saying to me to avoid the conflict of having a differing opinion. I used to do this a lot with my room mates and my ex boyfriend. Sometimes it would be an instance where it would be a conflict between them and I would be stuck in the middle having to choose sides and I would tell the other party what they wanted to hear.
I know for a fact that when I’m doing it it’s just going to lead to a bigger conflict but sometimes I just don’t even realize I’m doing it. I don’t want to and I don’t like it but I just shut down and go auto pilot agreeing to whatever the other person is saying even if that isn’t what I think or agree with.
I think that this has something to do with my childhood trauma and I don’t know how I can fix this. I guess right now I’m at a stage where I would find comfort if someone else was in a similar situation as me and could share their experiences.