I'm a complete fuck up and I don't know what to do about it

I'm 19, pretty much my entire life revolves around alcohol and it's spiraling out of control. My mom's the one who buys it for me, if she refuses then I'll go as far as cutting myself in front of her or hurling all sorts of insults designed to coerce her into following through. My entire forearm is covered in both shallow and deep cuts because of how many times I've had to do this. I know it's very wrong but I can't stop myself because of how desperately I need booze. I guess I rationalize it by thinking "well, because she treated me poorly when I was younger it's ok for me to do this to her" even though that's obviously not the case. I've been seeing therapists my entire life (currently on my ninth one) and I've been inpatient multiple times, never seems to do anything for me.