This is simply an entry I wanted to post, because upon re-reading I have noticed a lot of characteristics of my bpd in my writing. I just thought if this could help anyone feel less alone, it was worth posting. Sending love and warmth to all on this sub. I hope you all have a good weekend &lt;3 

&amp;#x200B;

September 26th, 2019

You truly are like a drug to me. I can’t help but feel soooo good when I get to talk to you. When you send me something that you know I’ll like. It shows that you pay attention. I know that is a form of your love language, devoting any of your precious energy to something besides your ambition or your family or any of the several other things you could be doing. At this point, I don’t know anything. I don’t know if it’s because I love you so much. If it’s because I did know you in a past life… *my soul recognizes yours and it’s so happy to see you*. The warmth and peace you bring me is unlike any other. I don’t know why God let me have a taste of your presence in my life if it wasn’t meant to stay. I have come to crave this peace. Crave your smile. Crave your voice. Crave your thoughts passing over me once in a while. Your attention. Your love. Your breath when it smells like the bold dark coffee you drink. Even your gross bar breath after drinking for hours. I love it all. I miss it all. You brought a vivacity to my life that has since seemed dull. But when you pull away it hurts like a million needles pricking me with the warning of pain. The warning that all of these good feelings may soon vanish. It doesn’t take much for you to hurt me. this is not your fault. I have placed you on the highest pedestal above all else. I look up at you with admiration, almost like a child looking at her parent. You make me feel secure. You make me feel safe. You make me feel like there is one person for everyone on this planet, because if there can be one like you for someone as gross and pathetic as me, then there is hope for all. Oceans of joy wash over me, consume me. I am joy. I love to love and be loved. I love to see you smile when you see me coming towards you, the promise of stimulating and sarcastic conversation on its way. I miss the way you hugged, always so tight and completely encircling. Your hugs were safe. You are safe and wholesome and beautiful and losing you after feeling like I sort of had you has been one of the worst pains I believe I will encounter in this life. God, help me. I loved him and still do and I don't know where I am supposed to go without him.