I woke today feeling a pit in my stomach and the absence of you. You said forever but forever isn’t subjective. My forever didn’t come with an asterisk. 
I know what you’re doing.
If you can’t handle this yourself, the decision you made, if you miss me and you’re keeping tabs on me under the guise of whatever lie you’re telling yourself, if you’re making excuses as to why *this*, this recency is the reason for permanence, you have to know I see it. 
You’re a master rationalizer. You’ll twist anything I do and sink your teeth into it as the delicious reason you’re justified with your choice- the one you apparently need more convincing of, yourself. 
I was there for you. 
You had me. You had all of me. Truly forever. No matter how bad the bad days were. I was yours. It’s on you that you questioned it. It’s on you that your questioning led to violence towards me. 

You don’t get to work your way into the life you exited to question the nature and honesty of my words, then or now, despite whatever fleeting and fake reasons you’re glued to today as to why I’m the horrible person you don’t even know anymore. 

You know me.
I’m truly sorry you gave me up. 
For both our sakes. 
You’re wide open now. You know how to find me. If you ever come down from this idea that I could be anything that would cause you harm, I hope it’s not too late. 
I’m fucked.