I miss her. All I can do is hope. I'm scared. I'm scared shes dead or something really fucking far out. I don't wanna live with these thoughts but I have to hold on or else itd ve the end of "romeo and juliet" type shit where it just ends in 2 lovers fucjing dead. Sometimes it feels like I cant even ficking breathe. I'd like to slide a blade across my skin and ficking lose myself and just run away and die but I cant because I'd like to find out that shes okay and love her until reality ceases to exist. I'm having what I call "anti-hallucinations" where I'll see an object or being [mainly one of my cats] and believe it's just in my head. I feel like I'm only sinking deeper but damn good thing I know how the fuck to hold my Breath and swim.