I suffer from depression and anxiety. 

My money anxiety is at an all time high. I'm constantly worried about being able to provide for myself. I am alone. My family lives states away and I have no partner or close friends. I worry that if I were to ever get sick or injured that I will lose everything and become homeless. I have a family back home and could always move in with them but I still have anxiety. 

I grew up poor and since I have been on my own since age 18, I obsess about money. Sometimes I even lose touch with reality about money. I check my bank account multiple times a day to make sure the money is in there. I get scared that someone is going to clean out my bank account. I also have this weird thing where I "zone out" and suddenly I wonder how money even works. I start to wonder how do I go about getting money to provide for myself. I start forming these scenarios in my head of being in a world without knowing how to provide for myself. I know you make money generally by working and your job issues you funds through a bank but in my mind, I "forget" that's how the world operates. 

I can't sleep sometimes. My body sometimes shakes. My stomach gets in knots thinking about having to work for the rest of my life to have a roof over my head. I am very scared that I have to keep providing for myself all alone with no one to help me. I am in fear that I am single and don't have a two person income. I really want a spouse so that I can have more financial security. 

I have debt that I am working on paying off. My biggest expense is my rent. I hate having to cough up over $2k a month just to have a place to live. I'm looking for a cheaper place now. I used to rent rooms and have a roommate and am thinking about doing that again until I pay off my debt. Either that or move back home rent free and not have to pay rent. 

I'm so lonely. I'm tired of crying at night worrying myself about money and what will happen to me. The anxiety mainly kicks in at night. I start having these thoughts at night about losing everything. 

Work is another issue. It's hard for me to work because I have depression. I've had to go on short term disability for depression and anxiety before. I feel like I need that again. I feel that I need a break but I need to keep going. How else can I provide for myself?

I'm not a trust baby. I need money. I am trying to build up my savings while paying off my credit cards. I can pay off my credit cards within a year. I make $120k and the credit card debt is $27k. I've had medical bills, school related expenses, and periods where I wasn't working for a few months and used my credit cards to pay for rent. Then one time I had to move to another state with only a two weeks notice and finance my own move. I've used my credit cards mainly out of necessity and yes I'm paying for it now. 

I just hate having to do life all alone. It bothers me so much. 

Please. Tell me how to feel better. 

If it weren't for my antidepressants that I'm on, I'd drink myself sleep every night.