I feel terrible. I don’t know what’s going on. A week ago I was told I might be manic. Now I find myself crying. I feel so out of it, especially at night.

I’ve never drank. Didn’t have access to alcohol before I was of legal age. Then once I hit 21, I was told drinking with my various meds could kill me. Not that I wouldn’t have done it myself at that age anyway. But I never started drinking.

I want to be numb. I always want to be numb when I’m like this. Maybe I could exist a little less for a while. Maybe I could finally sleep without fighting myself to lay down.