This is gonna be a bit long but I hope someone could read my story and give me advice.

So. By far I basically only have used reddit for advice, help and occasional memes. And this time, since usually the people of reddit have helped me a lot, I've decided that I might ask for help regarding anxiety.

I've been struggling with anxiety for a long time already. At first, when I hadn't had anyone close to me, it was related to my health and how every single pain in my body is something extremely serious. While now, I don't struggle with that except very occasionally. I've learned to deal with that, probably because my anxiety now focuses on a lot of my surroundings.

When I met most of my friends I have now, I've begun struggling to believe they actually like me and want me around. They've given me TONS of reassurances, have asked to hang out tons of times, have talked to me about tons of stuffs. But it barely reaches me anymore. I feel like if people do anything without me, I'm not needed. I feel like if people talk to anyone else about something they so far talked to only me about, that I'm not needed or important anymore. I start feeling like that but I KNOW it's not how I think it is yet I still manage to act on my anxiety and I've so far hurt so many people with this that I'm genuinely starting to think that there's no helping to me controlling my actions and that I'm a bad person. I have tried so much in order to reduce my anxious thoughts, give myself affirmations and I've always just tried so much in order not to hurt people around me with what my anxiety keeps screaming at me. Whenever I try to get my anxiety in control, I try so hard for so long and when I feel comfortable enough to let myself rest, it always goes downhill again from that point. I feel like I'm not supposed to be at peace in my own body.

I also got into my first relationship a bit over a year ago, we broke up a week ago thanks to me slipping out my anxiety and accidentally crossing a boundary I shouldn't have. I hurt him a lot and it hurts me just as much. I was getting comfortable again for once and I had so much fun being free of the burdens of anxiety for a few days only to have it ruined by that one incident. I just can't understand how much longer do I have to go like this, where I keep trying yet fail again some time later. 

I keep hurting people by thinking of myself, by being selfish, by accidentally guilt tripping them, by my anxiety. And I just don't want it to go on anymore, I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.

Is there anyone to give me advice? Since I genuinely want to be a better person for myself and for others. It hurts too much.