I guess I'm what you'd call "quiet" BPD. This still takes a toll on my relationship, as tends to be characteristic of BPD.

 I have hard rules for myself such as not invalidating what my partner is saying, not insulting them or their behavior, etc. especially in the context of arguments. I am sensitive to insults and negative descriptors of me and/or my behavior, which is why I take care no matter how negatively I may feel about a person to not say anything like that to them, but to instead explain that their behavior is unwanted and affects me a certain way. 

My partner on the other hand, will invalidate my feelings and use negative descriptors of me or my behavior that are unnecessary. He will, for instance, call a behavior of mine juvenile (this adjective is in particular difficult for me to handle being called and he knows that. It is because I am regularly mistaken for being much younger than I am in a way that tends to discredit my authority, such as in my workplace, at school, etc. I also have an ex that used to fetishize how young I looked). He doesn't have BPD and doesn't exhibit symptoms. How do I deal with this lack of reciprocation?

 When he calls me or my behavior negative adjectives, it sticks with me, and even though he might also exhibit behavior under that same adjective, I don't think it's okay for me to call it that, so I don't. But I feel like this is communicating to him that it is okay for him to treat me this way. I have questioned why he needs to describe me or my behavior in a certain way rather than cut to the chase and tell me that my behavior bothers him or violates a boundary, but he is insistent on calling my behavior which has by now wriggled into my brain. I am questioning constantly whether an action of mine is that adjective, but then I get depressed because I realize even questioning my actions based off his description might fulfill said adjective. 

Am I unreasonable? Do I just need to be less insecure about being called juvenile? Is it wrong of me to assert that there are certain ways of describing my behavior that are unnecessary and should not occur? It's not that I have a problem with him critiquing my behavior. It's that I have a problem with how he does it. 

He also will make fun of how my feelings are "edge-y" or whatever if I talk about them in arguments. This makes me feel invalidated. But maybe I need to overlook it as well. I mostly feel like it is unfair that I take great care in how I come across to him in arguments - perhaps this care of mine is also immature and worthy of critique.