This is my first post, sorry, I'm new to reddit and not really sure how to do this, but I would like some advice please. 

So I've been to the doctor many, many times to talk about what's going on inside myself. I don't want to self-diagnose. But everytime I go, I get super embarrassed and nervous, because I know there are people out there with bigger problems. But when I start telling them some things I've literally just got "wooow.. You have a lot of problems" or "mmm hmmm"
Anyway, I'll give a few of the things I've noticed over the years.

Crazy mood swings. Super over the top (people usually ask me if I'm on drugs) and then I just hit rock bottom with a pin drop (can be anything. Literally can be just looking at a photo of something) and then my anger sky rockets too. (My dad always called me miss passive aggressive my whole life) My boyfriend has told me to go for anger management and that I'm a crazy psycho because I scream and throw stuff at him if we argue. Most of the time I lock myself in the toilet if I'm feeling low or angry, because I feel this will help me calm down and not do anything stupid. Sometimes I don't know how to deal with the emotions and feel that everything would be better of if I didn't feel anything at all. 

Hypersensitivity, physically and emotionally. I have to cut off labels from my clothes because the scratch me, or I have to throw out some clothes because the seams itch. And emotionally, I'm sure you know what I mean. 

I feel invisible all the time. Like I feel like I'm speaking a foreign language. Nobody seems to understand, listen or even see me. Even my boyfriend just seems to ignore or misunderstand what I'm saying.

I have no idea who I am, I've been trying to figure this out my whole life. I try to imagine myself as a cartoon character and try to find a 'stereotype' where I can slot myself into. When I try to think what kind of things I like to do, or what makes me happy, I'm just stuck. I don't really know. I recently realised I just work, and when I'm not working, I'm sitting and waiting for the day to end until I go to work again.

I'm really Spiteful. If I'm in an argument with someone, I say horrible things to make them feel bad and then instantly regret it. Sometimes I shop more than I should, I feel like it will make me feel better, but I never does.  Sometimes I'll even do something I don't want, to just prove a point.

I don't want to write too much, because maybe it's all just in my head. I'm sorry if I've assumed this and hurt/offended somebody who actually has it. I'm just really confused, I'm not looking for an excuse, I just need to know

Thanks in advance for the help