The last 9 months or so my anxiety at work has gotten worse and worse and worse. I work in a field where you would think people would be supportive and understanding but honestly, I'm getting nothing at all. I finally reached out recently to say I was struggling and just got 'oh well yeah I could see you've been struggling for months'... it was really tough and initially my supervisor offered loads of support but she now seems to have forgotten about everything she said. And I'm too anxious about the perceived rejection to ask for it, opening up in the first place was hard enough.

I think part of the issue is that I seem fine. She's even said I don't appear particularly anxious, I'm constantly told I'm a 'calm' person... I'm having panic attacks multiple times a week, I cry several times a day, I can't concentrate, I regularly just quit zoom meetings because I can't deal (and blame poor connection), I can't sleep, I'm losing weight because I'm not eating. I've slipped back into some eating disorder behaviours I haven't used in 7-8 years. I have thoughts about self harming... literally just so I can not go to work for a while.

And talking about my anxieties doesn't help my case because, having spoken to friends, family, therapist, work supervisor... all I get is a bewildered 'but that's not even a big problem, even it was true'. And I can see what they mean, it doesn't sound like a big problem... but the anxiety is absolutely crippling.