i always always fuck things up. i always do it. it’s like i never fucking learn. i always push those i love the most away somehow, even when i don’t mean to at all. i wish i could just die but the only thing stopping me is my fear of dying. pretty ironic right? hah. it’s so funny to think that i always convince myself that i’m getting better then a few days later i’m sobbing first thing in the morning n dissociating for the first time in months. i’m fucking sick of my brain. im so sick of it