Does anyone else constantly and knowingly fuck everything up for themselves? Then get upset about it after they've done it? I'm told what to do and I just disregard it and do what I want, even though it makes it harder for me. My family can't understand why I recognize bad behavior and continue it. They don't believe that I'm sincere when I'm upset with myself over fucking it up. I do absolutely nothing to help myself it seems, just anything I can possibly do to make life harder. It feels as though I'm stuck in time and not moving from each day to the next, yet even yesterday seems like it was years ago. I have recently started having uncontrollable bouts of crying. I feel like I'm going crazy and I don't know what to do about it. My psych started me on Lamictal yesterday. I was supposed to get Nexplanon in my arm today, but I've had unprotected sex which they told me not to do; I don't have my I.D. because I left it at a gas station so I would have to run and get it in another town, then drive 45 minutes to another town to the appt. I'm also at work and I would have to leave to go to it, but I haven't said anything yet out of being scared to confront my boss to ask if it was okay. The simplest things overwhelm me to the point I just shut down and don't do anything. I feel like I am not capable of making decisions in my life. I don't know what to do.