I usually hate going online And talking about my issues, but i want something to talk to. I suffer from  very severe dysphoria that makes everything great, :) but i push through it even though it dictates my entire life i can't get the right treatment i need for it because i'm under 18 and its nOt aLlOwEd for minors to get treatment i'm going to go see a therapist soon so hopefully it will help my situation but it's complete agony because every time i trie to speak it consumes my mind with thoughts so  i always appear nerotic and quiet. I don't go anywhere besides the grocery store and even that is mentally exhausting and all I have is my family, my pets, and my online life i do make friends online but i never physically talk to them. Because if i do, it would just make me  want  to kms even more (the reason i put the title as i want to kms is because I've wondered if i would be better dead but I've realized that going through something horrible for a period of time in your life and making it out is better then cutting your life short i just know that I will make it out) im probably going to delete this