My girlfriend has BPD.

We’ve been together a very long time, and while I acknowledge that it isn’t healthy to feel responsible for somebody else, it breaks my heart to see the struggles she goes through and if there is anything I can do that might change the trajectory she is on then I want to do it. Otherwise I know she will suffer greatly in the future. To make matters worse I am her one and only friend/family/support. She has blocked contact with her family.

At this point I am convinced that she will never get better. I know that sounds like a pessimistic thing to say, but I have literally tried everything. She has seen psychologists, done DBP, been through partial hospitalization, on &amp; off medication, had a “normal” life where BPD wasn’t addressed, had a stress-free life so that she could focus on BPD, etc, etc.

The essential problem is that she is literally unable to accept any responsibility, the idea that she may be doing something wrong, or any emotions of guilt. I’m not saying this because I am angry about something. I am not thinking about myself here. It’s just that she is a master at avoidance, and acknowledges that she doesn’t allow herself to feel any bad/weak feelings, and will in fact do anything she can to change her emotions. 

If she goes to therapy alone she expresses extraordinarily distorted views of her life. If I go with her she either believes that I manipulated the therapist so I can feel good about myself, or disassociates and forgets everything, or gives up and decides that she needs to live alone for the rest of her life.

The best things ever were was when I pretended like the horrible things we go through all the time were not distressing. Now that she is attempting therapy again she has become incredibly paranoid, angry, &amp; violent. She tells (yells at) me every day that I am bad and that she is unhappy because she is around me, she has never loved me, and she wants to break up. Paradoxically she tells her support team that her goal is to improve her communication and relationship. Every day is worse than the day before.

She has been attacking me. She’s been arrested a few times in the past when neighbors called. She is more violent towards herself than she is to me. I have actually saved her life many times. We are going to get kicked out of the apartment soon. It is really not a good situation or environment.

My next move is going to be leaving the situation and moving out, but I am afraid of what will happen to her after I do so. Maybe she will be okay for a while, but I am afraid for her future. She is really a good person despite all of this crazy behavior. Unfortunately I will not be able to get her to agree to any sort of safe boundaries whatsoever. She will often agree but change her mind the next day when she believes again that we are against each other and that I do not have her best interests in mind.

I knew since the beginning that supporting her was going to be extremely challenging, but I believed there was some path that would lead her towards happiness. Now I think there isn’t and it hurts. Next to completely giving up, is there anything I can do?

