Feeling like a useless peice of shit. I'm a female &amp; 25 years old and have no job and the main reason is due to my debilitating anxiety, I'm scared to even leave where I live, its hard for me to even hold a conversation with a person. Its so embarassing and I don't know how to get out of this loop? its like never ending and my husband is getting fed up with me and thinks i wana sit here and do nothing all day.. No in reality I feel like I cant. I have zero confidence, no motivation because i don't know where to start and its so overwhelming to me. I always felt so useless to everyone in my life. 

From age 17 until age 20 I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship and that time in my life was the last time I can remember having a "job" but It barely worked out anyway. I have been out of that relationship though for years. But anyway, I worked at a clothing store for 6 months and it was mainly forced on me and because I literally was broke and had no money at all, so I did it but people there did NOT like me. I'm an idiot and would ask every time I worked "what do I do today?" "whats my tasks for today?" sooo, Was I never even suppose to ask that? Because my manager(s) were getting pissy for asking but everytime I went in there I would never know what to do so I would ask. Then people working there started talking behind my back and would whisper to others while starring right at me so it was pretty obvious that something was being said about me. I minded my own business and folded clothes and did whatever I was suppose to do and I did my best, I put in my best effort. I ended up leaving that job on my own. That experience made me feel even worse about myself. Then, once when I was 20 I got another "job" at a physical therapy place and the only reason why she hired me was because she knew I had almost no experience / super bad anxiety so she wanted to sort of take me under her wing and help me which i am grateful for but I ended up fucking that up to. At first she wanted me to take phonecalls and that is the WORST for me. I hate phonecalls more than anything in this world. I get panicy, shaky and my heart races when I have to make a phone call. Anyway, I TRIED but failed miserably because I could barely hear the person on the other end and mind you, this was my first day there so i was not exactly told what i was suppose to do... I wrote some things down and then the next day I told this lady that I cant do the phone calls but if theirs anything else I could do then I will. She then had me come in late afternoons to pretty much clean up and fix the chairs, do laundry, etc. Which was ALOTTT better for me. Unfortunatley, I quit after a month of working there because, again, my anxiety fucks shit up for me and I just couldn't do it. 

Well.. now.. fast foward to 5 years later and I havent had a job since then. I met my now husband after leaving my abusive relationship.. I informed him before even dating him that im kind of a handful and don't know many things about life, I explained about my anxiety and everything else that went wrong in my life. He still wanted to be with me.. Shockingly. Im so scared, so traumatized by my past. 

I been to therapy on and off for 10 years of my life. I been on meds. NOTHING works for me and I was so invested in getting help and working through my issues for my life to get better. My dad barely taught me anything in life and I lost my mother to suicide at age 15. so my husband teaches me "everyday" things in life and he gets frustrated im literally fuckin 25 years old and cant do the simplest of things. He's 30 and hes been living on his own for a while, paying bills and just the normal things you do in life that im not used to doing. Its depressing as hell and embarassing for me though. 

How can I go about getting a job thatll work out for me? From what I said, is their any suggestions at anything I'd actually be good at? Or maybe wouldn't have to talk to many people? Or anything that I don't need experience for to start off? Something simple and easy? Any kind of online work that would be for someone like me? ( The only thing I can think of for myself is dog walking / house / pet sitting.) I love animals, I have pets of my own and I grew up living on a farm so I know lots about animals and animals love me, I've always been really good with animals since I was a child.. &amp; also when I was a child my mom would house sit for my neighbors when they were on vacation so I know a little bit about it and how to manage taking care of someones home and their pets!.. Only issue is, I don't drive but i THINK my husband would be willing to drive me around if I did end up finding something like that). 

Im also willing to go to college since thats another thing I never experienced. I want to learn and be good at something. Im sorry if what I said isn't all put together 100%, my head is scrambled and I cant remember every little detail. If I remember more, or have anymore questions, etc then I'll comment it below. ANYTHING WILL HELP! ANY TIPS OR ADVICE!! 

I am desperate for my life to become better, or atleast my anxiety from stopping me doing anything for myself. I'm sick of people thinking I dont want to do anything. I would LOVE to just be normal, I would LOVE to work and do something with my life but I feel stuck in a never ending loop and afraid I'll never get out of it and afraid my life will only deteroriate from this point on if something doesn't change. 

I barely even get up to get ready in the mornings because I have no steady routine so its like, fuck it. I'm fading away and becoming something I'm not. I'm not fuckin lazy, I'm not trying to not do anything. I want a good life, I want a normal life, I want to be able to go out and explore the world with out feeling so anxious everywhere I go. My husband is my only comfort and I go everywhere with him.. I cant even go to the grocery store or anywhere with out him with out feeling lost and like I'll just panic. My husband works from home online and I help him with his online work but only him working is not bringing in enough income and now im scared he might leave me or divorce me if I don't atleast try something new. So, anything to start will help me tremendously. 

**Please no judgemental or rude comments** I came here for advice and help. Not to be bashed and feel even worse from others. Also, I'm on mobile so im not sure what the layout of what I said will look like to others.