Recovery has been difficult, learning to tame tumultuous emotions and care for myself. But the hardest most excruciating bpart by far has been all the relationships I've had to walk away from.. Not in the least a 6.5 year romantic relationship - one I thought was the 'safest' relationship I'd ever been in. As I was learning to say 'no' and ask for my needs to be met, his explosive, reality twisting, sulking, unpredictable behaviour got worse. Our relationship came to a final close when I asked him to acknowledge my feelings. (He never granted me a request when it came to how we communicate. Among the things I asked for &amp; was denied- not to shout/bellow/scream in my face, not to call me a C***, to give me space when I walked away, to give me space when I froze and not scream at me to answer when I was too frozen to answer.) I mistakingly organised couples counselling for us and he sat there, reasonable and logical (little of what I got at home if I raised an issue) and talked about how I have BPD and I ask for too much emotional support because I can't handle my problems on my own. I cried and the counselor treated me with contempt, but I forced myself (despite shaking with anxiety) to articulate my true feelings. I said I'd worked so hard to cope with things on my own, and now I can. I said when I spoke to him about my feelings now, it wasn't for him to manage or solve them, but to share them with me and to connect with me. It got to the point where my joy irritated him. I'd be sharing something really wonderful with him (and I haven't experienced much joy in my life so I was elated to share it) and he'd groan and say I talk too much and I can't communicate with people. It shocks me now that he felt safer than any man I'd been with, and I'm learning about why. I have so much trauma. I haven't many friends left, so many of my past friendships were with other people with unmanaged trauma or mental illness, and we treated each other in less than ideal ways. One of the things my past S/O taught me was how to be "normal" with people, but from legitimately helpful feedback it swung to seething criticism and I'm very withdrawn now. I have a few people around me who are healthy, stable and kind (and not his friends, but my own) but I've kept them at arm's length. I knew for a while, I couldn't achieve recovery with him. A DBT therapist once sat me out of the group and told me frankly, "I know he's hurting you and I hope you can find your way out before he hurts you more." It was so stressful to cope living in two minds about it. He was the one who ended it and I'm trying not to feel shame around 'i should have ended it' etc. Shame never helped me and it's why i was with him for so long. I heard another pwBPD talk about this painful process of recovery when you reevaluate your relationships and discover the people around you may be invested in you being ill rather than healthy. I'm wondering if others have had a similar experience and did you rebuild?