Breathings torture without you next to me. I hear your name more and more and not always from the mouths of others. My mind is like Loki, playing tricks on me that no one wants, for its own fucked up gain. 

Drifting farther, time dilates, a minute can feel like an hour and a day feel like a minute. Nights are eternal but sadly sleep is not. I feel afraid and isolated, I don’t know where to turn, it use to be your arms and before that, it’s the blade. But the blade is no good, for cuts from cats do it all the same. 

Returning to habits once lost to time. Danger is attractive when life seems so mundane. The numb and the cold is cut through and the warmth comes from within. A cry and scream is all that comes through the wall. 

The week approaches. I’m scared. Afraid. Alone. I don’t know where to turn, I’m scared of all, who hasn’t hurt me? I’m left here to die. A tree with a rope draped when I was 14, I scream to the forest and the branches call back. 

So let me know when life becomes worth it. Let me know when the coffee tastes sweet, the the Red Bull gives wings instead of rings around my eyes. Let me know when sleeping brings me peace, and the thought of a knife is for cutting vegetables instead of skin. 

Let me know when I can be happy again. Let me know when the wind feels heavy through your arms. Let me know when it’s safe to come be free, when other people don’t seem so scary. Let me know when I don’t have to be afraid. 

Scared, broken and bruised. But let me know when those things don’t define who I am. Let me know when I can be accepted.