I know that it was stupid, I know that believe me but I can't go back and change it. About a year ago, I got really drunk and a guy took advantage of me and I think he came inside me but I can't even remember that's how drunk I was. I was so unsure and living in a foreign country and I didn't get the test after. I thought it must not have happened that he came inside me but now I am feeling so anxious about it because I'm going back through the whole year and aligning my symptoms with those of HIV. After it happened, I got really sick a few times. I was working in a school so I thought it just catching bugs from the kids, but now I think it must have been HIV. I know the only way to know is to get a test but I'm so scared. I have a boyfriend I love and I feel like I'm going to ruin his life and our relationship if I'm positive and he is too. I also have developed really bad hayfever in the last year, to the point where I'm sneezing every morning. I had a full blood test done about a month ago and everything came back normal except for leukocytes in my urine which I've been reading can be a sign of an underlying infection like HIV. I also have had a sore throat and swollen glands a few times this winter. I am so scared I've spent the whole night awake and panicking. I'm still in a foreign country and I don't know if it's even possible to buy the home kit tests here. I'm waiting to book a doctor's appointment. I've never been so terrified, but because I'm so scared I've hurt my boyfriend all because of a stupid mistake that I wish had never happened. I know nobody can tell me that I for sure have or don't have it. I don't know what I want from writing this I just want to hear something.