I’m so tired of being depressed. I will have 2 days where I wake up and feel motivated for life and then by 3pm I’m lost again. My life is so unfulfilling. I don’t want to do anything that people say will make me feel better. And everything I want to do (aka do nothing) is what is apparently making me feel like shit. 

I have a good job that I don’t hate but I want to quit because it’s so unfulfilling and feels so pointless and I just don’t care about it. But it pays the bills and it’s what’s I’m supposed to do to set myself up for success, right? 

I wouldn’t be opposed to quitting my job to do something I actually care about but my problem is that I don’t care about anything. My interests change significantly and frequently (I have ADHD) if I have any at all. But right now I have none… other than maybe reading but I think I might just be super into it because it’s a distraction from reality 

Anyways. What can I do? I hate my life and want to make it better but i dont know how because I don’t want to do anything ever. I wake up every morning and just want to sleep for the rest of my life. I try to force myself into a good healthy routine but after 3 days it doesn’t stick because by the afternoon I’m miserably depressed again. I’ve tried ADHD meds but they all just make me more depressed (high highs when I’m on and very low lows when they wear off). 

I feel like I have nothing to look forward to ever. I have no genuine close connections because I don’t even know myself so how can I let other people know me? And honestly  everyone just irritates me so I have no desire to act like I enjoy their presence. 

How do I find my life’s purpose? Or even just something to enjoy for a little while so I don’t feel like I’m living a Groundhog Day of misery for the rest of my working life.