 

Hi.

Currently 18 years old.

For a starter I will remain unknown.

I don't even know if this is the right sub-Reddit but...

Last year my life changed, Completely. I went from a happy guy with a lot of friends and it didn't go a single day where i was not bored.

Fast forward to the present day my life is a complete joke filled with dark thoughts and harm. I will say, this will be a long post.

If we cut back to January 2021 I was in a accident. A house fire to be exact and I suffered acute respiratory distress and had to flush my lungs for chemicals. I got diagnosed with Post traumatic stress disorders a few months later. I couldn't stand sirens, flames and anything that would resemble that horrific day. People even had the decency to joke about it. How I struggled, about my house and how I lost my dearest friend (my cat).

I drank like an alcoholic while going to high school but the good thing is I worked out for about 6 months everyday and was on a diet. I lost 17 kg and felt good. Also a lot better with the ladies.

Now let's talk about another month where my life changed completely. In july i took the Pfizer vaccine. This particular vaccine my body did not like at all. I had a few symptoms the first day including heart palpitations, fatigue and body stiffness. Now I suspect Pots since i can't do anything exercise related or stand for very long. I don't even tolerate heat. But it's no the point. Its how it changed my life for a sad ending. How I won't achieve the things I want to achieve. I want to hurt people. Hurt myself (not physically).

When I see other people my age party, having sex, taking drugs, making money i completely despise them. It's because I am jealous, It's because I can't do it anymore. I see them as degenerates. I don¨'t understand how they can live like this.

I also despise doctors or any pharma industry. They have completely thrown me in the trash. Diagnosed me with anxiety and nothing else. How in the fck do i have anxiety when I can't even stand up for 5 minutes. I am bedridden only waiting to die. If any comment even mention I might have anxiety I wish only but harm for you.

Also my mom and dad does not believe me about the pots thing. ''It¨s probably anxiety'' they say. While I love my mom and dad and they wish all but well for me I still want to scream at them, never harm but unleash a haggle at them.

My mind is so twisted and i despise everything. Even my before bestfriend who is a girl. I had massive crush on her before. Now he hang out more where she just uses me. She treats me like her boyfriend but ghosts me for a week then she needs me again. I despise her so much but I love her. I am so tired of this life. How the medical industry ruined my life and how I lost my house. How my crush uses me. How I don't remember feeling healthy. I am afraid i will turn psycho and harm others. It's very cringe to say this but the only person i relate to is the joker.

This post will probably be taken down. But if you read this, it's all coming from my heart. Everything I say is 100% true. I could've written so much more but let's not go there.