Hello everyone. As the title says, how do I actually get help from a psychiatrists? I've been depressed for almost 15 years now (diagnosed at 11, a had a tough childhood). It was never as bad as it is now for the past year. I'm feeling really overwhelmed with no will to live or work. The only thing that keeps me alive is my mother (your typical mom will be sad argument BUT it works on me).
My problem is that every time I see a psychiatrist and I start talking with him I'm getting super self-aware, I know what's wrong, what should I do to improve my mental health and I literally quit after like 2-3 sessions. Then I'm getting super overwhelmed again and the circle goes on. Usually after quitting like that I'm just too afraid to return to the same doctor so i have been starting all over again (social anxiety, it's really hard to go there and talk face-to-face anyway).
I tried talking about it to the doctor but it ended as always and we never solved it. 
I just had another mental breakdown this month today and I feel so helpless like never before. I got a job that I was kinda dreaming of but I've been failing it everyday now. I can't even take sick days cause I already did it once last month and I'm being employed just for a few months (it will just look bad and they won't extend my contract). Just thinking about the work makes me cry because I really want to keep it but if I go there in my current state I'll just probably stare at wall and do nothing.
Sorry for the chaotic post and my english