I don't know how to explain it besides feeling like there's an eternal undercurrent of sadness/emptiness. Like no matter what I pile on top of it (socializing, having fun, going places), I'll always return to it - on the bus, on the walk home, the instant I'm alone again. 

I could be having the time of my life with a friend but as soon as they leave I'm just drowning in something that feels akin to grief. 

There's always _something._ There always has been and I dunno how to heal it. I have no idea how people can feel content and full and not incredibly lonely and heavy at the end of each day. 