I split frequently concerning my husband and I was trying to figure out why today. The split usually starts because I'll notice something like he hasn't really messaged or talked to me or he's spending more time with friends than me. What I've concluded is that I split because I then start comparing how I'm currently being treated to how I think I should be treated and begin to worry that if I'm not bothered by these things then I'll get taken advantage of by someone who doesn't actually love me.

So my brain says, "If you don't show me love in this way then you don't love me at all and you're using me and I'm stupid because I'm letting you use me, so now I'm mad because you're making me look and feel stupid and you're using me because if you weren't using me then you'd do more to show me you love me" . And I realized I don't even know if these are things I actually care about or they're just things I think I should care about because that's what a "normal" relationship would be like. 

For example, my husband is on a 10 day vacation and has barely talked or messaged me while he's been gone. I've spiraled almost every night because I think about how if he loved me then he would miss me and he would want to talk to me, and since he hasn't that means he doesn't love me. But if I step out of my feelings and thinking and look objectively at the situation, I don't know if I actually care if he messages me...which sends me spiraling in a different direction because its like, "If I don't care if he messages then does that mean I don't love him? Am I just in this relationship because I'm lonely? Would someone else make me happier?"

I'm not really sure how I can be both obsessed with wanting someone else to prove their love to me, but then also question if I actually love the other person. I don't know how to reconcile these thoughts and feelings and I don't know what's right, wrong, or what I actually want. But I felt like at least being able to identify why I get upset was a step in the right direction. There's probably more to it than just this, but it's a start!