I’ve posted in the past rather dark things (usually when I get drunk) but it’s all true. But I am in need of some actual advice. 

I’ve gone to a therapist which proved to be of no help. And I’m at a loss. 

I don’t find joy in anything, I recently started a job that’s causing more depression for me (but I can’t quit it since I have bills to pay, and I’m actively looking for another job, nothings worked out yet), I spend most days in my room doing nothing because I have no motivation/energy anymore (even though I use to be a very active person) up until I have to work (3rd shift), I’m more tired when I wake up than when I go to sleep, and every single day I think of new ways I can “off myself” quietly and quickly so I don’t bother my family and so I don’t suffer any more than I already have. 

Before all this I had started to get clean off of nicotine and alcohol, but that quickly came back. r/

I’m just at a loss. I don’t know where to turn anymore and I’m just really tired y’all. Both physically and mentally.