Hi I just wanted to come here for some advice. Sorry if it's weird formatting I'm on mobile 

My boyfriend is my fp and he's aware of that fact and aware that I have bpd. But the problem is is that whenever his tone changes or if he doesn't respond quickly or if he can't call (we're long distance) it's like I just suddenly switch and it feels like I hate him for a small amount of time. When I get out of my splitting episode I feel so horrible because I can say some really mean things to him during the episode. I always apologize and he's always so understanding but I still feel like such a bad person and I just want to be able to stop doing this to him.

I do have a psychologist and I know I can go to her for some help but I also want advice or tips from people who also have bpd instead of always going to someone who doesn't truly or really understand my experiences