TW: Thoughts of sui**de, s*lf h*rm



I've been bullied for 10 years now.


I was pretty childish. I loved to play with toys, both at home and in school. I used to bring small plushies or figures to school with me, my classmates would always make fun of me for it. They would take them away and break them, beat me up, pull my hair out, and other stuff...


Sometimes I would go home crying. Just close the door, shut the windows, and lay on my bed, thinking why does everyone hate me. But I guess I deserved that...

My romantic relationships also failed. My ex never cared about me, I felt that he cared more about other people. And as a result, one day he just went like "oh btw I cheated on you, I don't love you anymore".

My friend is already planning her marriage and is living with her boyfriend, and I never even kissed a guy. Though she's much prettier than me, I look terrible...

I started to cope with eating. I gained a lot of weight. Barely any of my clothes fit me anymore. I constantly have to buy new ones...


Years passed, and I still struggle with forming friendships. I even struggle with studying. I am having a test tomorrow, but it's hard. I just can't pay attention to anything, I am always distracted by these thoughts. Every single fucking hour, they just won't leave me alone. Please. I want it to stop. Death is the only peace I will find it seems.

I just want to die. What's the point? I'm only here to suffer. I'm thinking about cutting myself, probably gonna do that when nobody's home. I just don't know how would I hide the cuts...

I know, I sound edgy. But I just can't deal with it anymore. I'm sorry. I had to let it out. Perhaps someone will see this. This is a cry for help.

Let's hope I won't wake up tomorrow. That would be a blessing. Good night.