TW: for eating disorders and self harm. I got back to work four weeks ago after a near four month LOA. The first week was okay-ish. The second week I started taking xanax daily again. The third week, my lack of appetite started kicking in again as well as severe anxiety. I called off for three days and went in late the next two. This week I called out for Mon - Wed. I haven’t eaten more than a few n
almonds for about two weeks so I’ve lost 15 pounds and self harmed, which I haven’t done in years, on Sunday. I intended on Thursday to go though because I just have to learn how to function again (I had something traumatic happen right before my LOA and went on it because I literally could not work) and told my husband that I will go to work today just an hour and half late so I can call about my disability accommodation and my psychiatrist. I drop my daughter off to preschool. I decide to take a thirty minute power nap. And passed the fuck out for four hours. 

I promised. I promised I would go to work and my husband has been super supportive and doesn’t get upset or anything and said he isn’t angry but his replies and super short and succinct so I just get the feeling that he’s disappointed in me and this is the worst time for me to not be able to go to fucking work because we move next month and I’m just so worthless. All I can manage to do is watch and play with our daughter and take care of our pets. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I didn’t stop taking my medication. I’ve worked for 8 years straight (7 for a previous company, 1 for this one) barely ever needing to take a day off and now I can’t bring myself to just go to fucking work.