im14 turning 15 in a few weeks and ive been feeling depressed since 2/3 years and it got worse with covid and self-isolation. since then, i dont feel like being part of society anymore. i never felt like i fitted in as i always were kind of "solitary" due to my maturity. i have this really shitty habit of always having friends older than me, for example id feel way more comfortable around 18yo guys than 14yo ones. thanks to this habit i have very few/no friends outside of my internet bros and i feel so lonely. only way to cope is smoking hash and selfharming and i know my mom isnt proud of seeing me staying in bed and doing nothing all day besides smoking hash

idont even knwo why im staying alive