Nothing I do in life keeps me content. It’s easier to push people away. I live on my own and at the moment I know it wouldn’t be safe to be home alone. I at least have my cat but even living for him is starting to disappear. I hate the Christmas decore. Just a constant reminder of bad memories. It’s been 11 years now and I still get nightmares. I don’t know if I can take another year of this. I’ll never have a wife. I’ll never reach my career goal. I just want to give up.