god i wake up every single day and it takes me forever to get out of bed. at least 95% i lay there dreading what the fuck i’m going to be doing that day for at least an hour or two. and the longer i lay there, the worse i feel about it, and the more i hate myself.

i just don’t get it. every time i start to feel a little better it all just comes crashing down and i feel even worse than before. i think part of it is me thinking “well last time was fucking awful and i barely got through it without killing myself so how the fuck am i supposed to get through it this time”.

there’s not a lot of things or people that genuinely make me happy anymore. everything is starting to feel like a fucking chore and i’m just waiting for when it overwhelms me and i’m not a fucking bitch about it and i just decide to end it. it’ll happen eventually.