 trigger warning for SH &amp; SI mentions

Ok so obviously I'm going to talk to my therapist about this at some point. I've thought about bringing it up because it worries me but every session I doubt myself and don't talk about it because I feel like I don't fit like 2 of the criteria in the DSM and therefore "obviously I'm not mentally ill" 

So this post is solely just me wanting some clarification on some things and like, reassurance that I have a problem and need to talk to someone about it. I'm not asking for a diagnosis. 


So I have VERY extreme mood swings. Sometimes I'll be feeling completely neutral, and then suddenly one day I'll be so depressed I can't get out of bed, I feel like crying, don't eat as much as usual, sleep through the day, etc. Normal depressive episode stuff. I am diagnosed with persistent depression. 

The thing that worries me is that I ALSO have periods of time where I'm really happy, but it's to the point where it's difficult to function. I'll be bombarded with ideas for projects, I talk really fast (well, for me, who is autistic and usually talks slowly and monotonely) and I crave to use unhealthy &amp; self destructive "coping skills" just for fun. (Which my therapist knows about. Well he knows I do them, I haven't really disclosed that they're not always done to "cope") Ive done some dangerous and unwise things during these episodes, which I hesitate to call them manic episodes since I'm not diagnosed. Such dangerous things involve walking out of school (when I was younger), running away from a family holiday celebration because I was anxious (I was walking in freezing cold rainy weather with a small jacket on, in a dangerous part of town I wasn't familiar with, with no destination in mind, for over two and half hours.), Overdosing on prescription drugs because I wanted to get high (and not telling anyone and going to work anyway) relapsing SH because I missed the 'rush', among other things. 

 I'm assigned female at birth, currently taking Testosterone as I'm trans. I realize mood swings are a hormonal thing, but I've also read that manic episodes can be triggered by hormones and still be valid? Idk also I'm an adult and I feel like my hormones should be leveled out enough to stop having such extreme mood swings. Also the fact that I'm on Testosterone should be making it a bit better according to science but they're pretty much just the same as they were before I went on T? 

The reason I doubt myself is because manic episodes are supposed to last 4+ days. Usually my "episodes" don't last that long, maybe 2 to 3 days at most. This is what I usually get hung up on and what stops me from telling a professional. 

I don't have a huge history of Bipolar in my family, one of my great uncles had it, but I notice my mom has similar "episodes" like I do, and they usually end up in me having to leave my house/call my therapist because I have trauma associated with them. 

Anyway, I think I'm having an episode right now. And Everytime I have these episodes I think about telling someone but when they're over I always tell myself I'm overreacting and don't need help. I just. Idk. Any advice would help. 

Also current diagnosis in case it matters: ADHD, Autism, persistent depression, general anxiety, gender dysphoria 

TLDR: I think I have manic episodes and need help but I doubt myself too much to actually talk to someone