— **TRIGGER WARNING** —

I (F21) have been feeling pretty okay for a while. I mean, I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress which has raised my anxiety a little bit, but I haven’t been depressed—until tonight.

One of my “friends” had posted something about one of their old accounts  having “cool memes” and “content” and that she was “bringing it back”. She posted a screenshot of one of her friends saying they missed certain memories/events she posted on the old account. I just so happened to have her old account added as well, so I thought I could send her some nice, positive memories of the conversations we had, the compliments I’d give her, etc.

She instantly asked if I was okay, in which I responded with the fact I was trying to get a little giggle from the both of us from high school memories—ALL what she would post. She told me I was “weird as fuck” for screenshotting those conversations, and proceeded to be extremely rude (and screenshotted our conversation about 5 times).

She even triggered my PTSD, by saying “want me to remind you of the time you lived in a sewage pipe with your ex?” (He was abusive), and at that point I just broke down. She continued to say degrading things, and I just kept saying “I’m sorry” until she just ignored me.

I was doing nothing wrong—I wasn’t even sending her anything triggering or disrespectful. It was just simply good memories—like when I admired her in high school (before we became friends) and stuff like that. We’ve always been in good terms, so I thought we could have a good laugh/smile with some memories.

Idk. Ever since she said those things, I’ve felt a huge increase in my depression tonight. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts in the back of my head as well. I’m almost 5 months clean from self harm and I don’t want to break it. 

I just feel so worthless. I feel like all I do is fuck up. I just feel like I’m nothing. Like i don’t deserve to have any friends. I feel like all I do is hurt people. Idk. I’m sorry for ranting.