today and these last few weeks have been emotionally exhausting. i was with someone who at first was meeting my needs and we connected so much, then they got really busy and my abandonment triggers came up, i told them my needs and they can’t meet them. now they want to be friends and platonic. i’m just exhausted with loving others and it turning into heartbreak and heartache. i feel like i’m never going to be loved or be able to love in a free way that doesn’t constrain me or the other person. 

it’s really difficult to see and witness the way rejection and betrayal, the way it takes over my own ability to see myself. i’m tired of giving myself to others only because of the way i feel empty. i hate being the dump for others who are narcissists or have avoidant tendencies.