Hi all, 

I really need advice on how to self soothe. Being borderline, I don’t have many friends and I don’t have much family either. I don’t know where to turn and I don’t know how to deal with this pain. 

I loved a man really deeply for years but he destroyed me. He really destroyed me. But I became addicted to his validation. He was my favorite person. He was my love. 

Today he told me that he does not ever want to hear from me again, that his only wish is that I leave him alone, he begged me to just leave him alone and so I agreed. I don’t want to harass him. If someone doesn’t want to hear from me I don’t want to bother them. But I feel abandoned to my core. I am howling in pain. I cannot handle the feeling in my chest. I cannot handle knowing that he’d rather me be dead than be in his life.

He walks around smearing my name and refusing to acknowledge any pain he’s caused me. He is so hurtful and I feel so alone and abandoned. I don’t know why I care, I know he is not a good human. But I never cared about if someone is good. I just cared about if they were mine.