TLDR: previously diagnosed with major depression with suicidal tendencies and generalized + social anxiety (age 10 til now, age 31). Now quite certain I have quiet-BPD but have no access to therapy. Looking for advice for moving forward!

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So after 20 years of inexplicable suffering that I could only meekly chalk up to my depression, 
I stumbled across an article about quiet bpd. 

I broke down sobbing. 

Every. single. box. checked. I have never in my life felt so validated, confused, scared and relieved all at once. As I go through this sub, suddenly seeing SO many things I never even considered could possibly be attributed to a disorder. Suddenly a lifetime of chaos starts to make a tiny bit more sense and feel less alone.

I understand how frustrating it might be for folks to have people waltz in here and self-diagnose, and I know there's a chance I'm wrong. But i have no idea what to do. I'm so fucking tired and I'm at a point in my life where I cannot afford to not take care of my mental health any more - too much at stake responsibility-wise. but I now live in a tiny country where good therapy is very hard to find and just not an option financially either.

Does anyone have advice? Resources? Coping mechanisms? Anything that could help in understanding and supporting myself more?

Thanks in advance ♥️