Long story short -- I have a mother who was physically/emotionally abusive and a father who was physically abusive.  I've dealt with lifelong depression/anxiety/PTSD, and have been to multiple therapists/psychiatrists, as well as tried just about every SSRI medication out there and a few less typical medications (lamictal, buspar, mirtazapine, remeron, antipsychotics, probably some I'm forgetting).  I've been on some of the medications more than once and some in combination with others, with no results and a lot of side effects.

My psychiatrist recommended I go on more antipsychotics, which I refused to do (had trouble driving on them and other side effects).  He then recommended I try going on a SSRI I've been on two times before, and I said I didn't want to try that again either, and then asked him about different medications.  He told me that I am "defiant" and "not interested in becoming well, either subconsciously or otherwise".  He then suggested that I have borderline personality disorder.  Some of the symptoms seem to fit me (disturbed sense of identity/depression + anxiety/low self esteem), but most do not (emotion regulation issues/unsteady relationships/impulse control/fear of abandonment/difficulty managing anger).  He told me that my being on so many medications and not becoming better was a hallmark of borderline personality disorder, and is why he suspected me of having it.

In previous sessions, my psychiatrist asked me multiple times whether or not I had been arrested/in trouble with the law/involved in physical altercations (no), and repeatedly asked me about my experiences with anger and whether or not I express it inappropriately (no, I am generally calm and collected and have only blown up on somebody twice in the last ~ten years).  After his BPD suggestion and telling me that I am defiant/not interested in becoming well, I asked him for information on other psychiatrists because I felt we were having major issues communicating and that I was justified in not wanting to go on more antipsychotics out of fear of their side effects.

I would really appreciate help with these questions:

1) Is it normal to be considered defiant by rejecting (strong) medications that your psychiatrist thinks are best for you but that you cannot handle the side effects of?

2) If somebody thinks you have problems with anger (expressing it) but you remain calm and collected in your daily life and in interactions with the person, how do you convince them that you don't have anger issues?

3) Am I justified in wanting to change psychiatrists?  (If it wasn't for the months long wait to see a different psychiatrist, I may have already changed)

4) Have you ever been told that you have borderline personality disorder but didn't agree with the diagnosis at first?  If you decided that you agreed with it later, what caused you to change your mind?

5) Is not responding to medications really a symptom of borderline personality disorder?

6) Does it sound reasonable for me to question the diagnosis?  I'm guessing this is something I can't "argue my way out of", but I am interested in getting well and don't want to spend my time pursuing a track that isn't accurate.

I am just exhausted by the mental health system at this point in time, and have been in treatment for over ten years now without much success.  I apologize in advance if this is too close to "asking for a diagnosis" as listed in the sidebar, but I am posting this as I have already received one and am struggling to understand why.  If this is inappropriate, please remove it/inform me as to what should be changed and I will do so.  I really appreciate any insight that you could give.  Thanks!