I beg for help. I have communication problems. I am a very interesting playful interlocutor if I am not afraid of social rejection, and dull if I'm feel anxious. That is, I have two modes of communication, boring and cool.

The problem is that I don't know how to be in my cool mode on my own. This regime may or may not appear, and most often the regime does not appear because of my fear of rejection, which seems to block it. Before every correspondence with my beloved partner (I really love her, long-distance relationship), my body literally shakes, because I am afraid that I will not be able to enter my cool mode and will be boring. This fear, of course, prevents me from relaxing and this is the main reason why I often cannot enter my best regimen. It just pisses me off that my brain is interfering with itself.

What should I do? I think that all these CBT-ACT-etc-techniques are not suitable for me. You can, even if your legs give way from fear, go buy groceries in the store, even if you are very anxious, you can get a job, give a prepared speech, but you cannot relax in a friendly way, have fun, joke, because your brain is simply not in this mode, all these things are impossible to do if you are fearful, it just will not work no matter how hard you try. I really need to somehow stop being afraid. This is real? Thank you.

I cannot go to a psychotherapist in my country for many reasons.