Background info: 20 years old, 6'4 250lbs ( I will explain why this is relevant),  Diagnosed as bipolar 1, currently seeing my therapist daily and psychiatrist once a week.  

My therapist and psychiatrist are in close relations with each other and have determined that my hypomania induces intermittent explosive disorder. I recently just came out of a 4 month long depressive state where I was unable to leave my bed. Now I am going out shopping, driving, and doing lots of activities which might seem alright but I am in a almost constant state of rage. This is a very big issue as I am a very large guy. Like I previously state I am 6'4 and 250lbs, a lot of that being comprised of muscle. I am very intimidating even when I am in my most depressive moods., which both my therapist and psych have told me that will eventually get me into a lot of trouble. 

I have found that when I am in a store, or out in public I constantly see people looking at me. I know it is because of my intermittent explosive disorder.  If a line is long in the gas station I flip the fuck out, I'll throw my items and start cursing.... and this is one of my more mild reactions. The other day when I was driving someone flipped me off on the highway so I purposefully ran them off the side of the road.  

I come from a prominent family, having both my parents being rocket scientists who own their own private company ( I know, it sounds unbelievable). All of my close family knows of my issues and they try to accept me the best they can, my cousins and grandparents are even supportive. I am worried now as I will see my parents and rest of my family at Christmas. I live alone as I have been incredibly abusive to every person around me. The other day while I was drunk ( I drink a lot, most places do not card me as I easily pass for 30)  I got a neck tattoo, my entire neck. Everyone will freak out when I show up and not showing up is not a option. 

The past 2 weeks have been a nightmare. In the moment it all seems  normal, but thinking about it tonight as I am 3/4 way through a bottle of ciroc I realized that I am fucked. I have done more than a few horrible things in the past couple weeks, illegal things. Now I have to show up to Christmas with a neck tattoo of the lettering CALIFORNIA even though I live in Pennsylvania and have never even traveled to California.