She left me 6 weeks ago. Said she would be back in 3 weeks in time for our marriage counseling appointment.  When it came time for that she thought she had Covid-19 then didn't want to come home to get me sick. She tested negative but still didn't want to come home. Marriage counseling has been slow because of the holidays. And we have another appointment after 2 weeks in a few days. I have journaled, read everything i read, soul searched found inspiration etc. 

It's now to the point where my mom doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I can't bother my friend's. I have no one who wants to even listen. 

We are able to talk one the phone sometimes with my wife. But I'm no longer any sort of priority. She acts as I'm some distant friend. She is living with friends who I've never met, I have no clue where she is and she barely tells me anything. I tell her I love her and miss her. I get "I know you do". 

My anxiety is thru the roof. I have a Dr appointment tomorrow for anxiety meds because I just can't handle it anymore. I cry everyday because I miss her, I cry because everyone else is more important than me, I cry everyday because she says that our apartment never felt like her home. When I tried so hard to make it both of ours.

I just don't know what to do anymore. She tells me to "work and focus on me". Which I have everyday for weeks.  I'm terrified of this ending.