I struggle with a victim mentality where I seem to believe this world owes me something. Clearly not, I’m not saying to don’t try either. I try. I’ve tried therapy, I’ve tried medication, I’ve been in the psych ward, I have psychiatrist and psychologist appointments. I stepped down to less hours at work. I stopped drinking and doing drugs, I started drinking and doing drugs. I’ve tried to make connections with people, I’ve tried isolating myself from people. I feel like I wake up and it’s already nighttime, where did the day go? Just gone. I have no family. I’ve pushed away all my friends. I can’t afford my psychologist appointment this week but I haven’t canceled it yet because I know I need it. It’s too hard, it’s too hard and I never wanted to be here in the first place. Nothing gets better. I don’t want to keep trying. I don’t want to do this anymore.