Hi :)   I will try and make this as short as possible.  I had undiagnosed anxiety disorder from age 12 to age 20, finally diagnosed my junior year of college (1995).  After trying several different medications, the one that really worked was Nardil, and MAO inhibitor.  From 1998 till 2020, I only had one panic/anxiety attack, that was right at the start of an 8K race in Seattle where people were going to be lining the streets about halfway through the race.  Made it through that and was really proud of myself.

Fast forward to fall of 2020.  COVID was happening, and the gyms were all closed, my physical activity level had gone down.  Woke up one night around 1 am and went upstairs to get something to eat.  Something wasn't right, and I had a panic attack.  This one was different than the ones in the past, there really was no trigger.  Probably the scariest 5-10 minutes of my life, as I wasn't sure what was happening.  Was absolutely wiiped out the next day mentally and physically.  

I sold my business in Seattle, and was going to be relocating to Amsterdam in November of 2021.  The last week I was in Seattle, I had a panic attack while hiking, but attributed it to overexertion (long hike, hot, somewhat out of shape).  About six weeks before moving to Amsterdam, I left Seattle for Ohio to hang out with my family until I left.  They started happening fairly reguarly.  About two weeks before leaving for Amsterdam, I went to the gym near my hometown a few times, and that really seemed to help things.  Then I moved, and the anxiety/panic started again more regulary, to the point where I didn't want to go to the store a few blocks away.  Found a gym that I liked, and started going regularly, which has helped a fair amount, and also added L-Theanine (amino acid), which also has helped.  Panic attacks went from about one a week to one every three weeks.  I am also seeing a psychologist here in Amsterdam.

However, the last week or two, they seem to be a bit more frequent.  All of this has really shaken me, because from 1998 till 2020 I only had one incident, and there was a clear trigger.  I was at the point where even though I took medication, nothing really made me nervous anymore.  Now, I feel like I have regressed, not really back to the point I was at before meds, but at a place in the middle of before meds and being totally fine on meds.   When those negative thoughts come, I just have a hard time stopping them, despite therapy, etc...  The fact that I still am having them even though I regularly go to the gym now is pretty disheartening.  I don't want to go off my Nardil, because you have to go off for two weeks before trying something new, and I forsee those two weeks being hell.  Just not sure what to do right now, and don't really see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Right now I just see this being something I will have to deal with the rest of my life, and it's a huge shock to the system after years of feeling "normal."  I'm sure the big life change with moving certainly didn't help everything, but the panic attack in 2020 was two years before I moved, and one or two more happened between then and knowing that I was going to be moving.

Has anyone else relapsed after years of meds, etc...?   Any advice?   Thanks for any help, advice, etc...!!!!