(English isn't my first language)
I'm 15 and have been diagnosed with depression at a young age (probably genetics) I really don't like my mom and how she thinks she understands me so well because she used to have depression, well guess what? It's different for different people, and you where a adult and I'm a child.

if she would just from time to time do something nice for me without me asking, pick me up from school, make my favorite food, walk the dog for me just really anything out of kindness to make my day better, because those things really do make my day a lot better, something a little bad can happen and i want to kill myself but when someone gives me a compliment or does something for me i cheer up a lot. 

And she always complaints about me being lazy and needy, i really just want a childhood, because right now depression is overtaking my whole life and this is time i will never get back and every year I'm getting older i realize a year is gone that I'm never getting back. I just want to be normal and not feel this, giggle with my girlfriends and stuff like that, but for some reason I'm never able to. 

Maybe it's really minor things that make me dislike her, it's mostly her just not being there for me and doing things to make me feel better when I'm feeling really low and suicidal, she also won't allow me to get meds (it's also not my first choice but i really don't see an other option) because we need to work on creating a better life for me and that will fix me, but even when I'm at my best and everything is going perfect i still feel like this, even the most successful perfect people can have depression. We have been "creating a better life" for years now and it got me nowhere, she only thinks it did because I adjust myself to the environment I'm in so good environment means happy looking me. 

I really don't know what to do, if i tell her how I feel she'll get angry and that will make me feel worse, from her perspective she's a great mom dealing with a annoying teenager, she really loves me and doesn't intentionally emotionally hurt me. But sometimes i wish I lived with my dad and even that makes me feel guilty. I don't know, if anyone has advice that would be great.