I’m so sick of this shit, life ain’t what I thought it was and it never will be. 
I really don’t know how I’m supposed to live the rest of my life like this. 
It took 20 years for me to finally accept that I’m not destined for shit and that life is just a cruel joke (I’m 23 now.) 
Granted my teen years were also depression riddled, but now it feels much worse. 
I’m not blinded by the false optimism that youth can bring. I really thought I could one day get out of this lifelong rut, but it’s just not going anywhere and I don’t think I can really make it if it’s going to be much longer like this. 
Please spare me the bullshit of finding a psych/therapist I’ve seen psychiatrists and therapists all my teen/adult years and honestly I’m growing to resent it. 
I went into therapy and psychiatric help with confidence that I could be better, be happier, finally I can turn things around and make a difference! 
Boy was I wrong, it’s only made me realize how much more hopeless this shit is. 

Not to mention I’ve been stuck at a dead end job because I can’t seem to find a speck of skill or knowledge that I can actually apply to a career. A lot of the times I feel sure that I’m going to end up broke and homeless one day or commit s-word. 

I just don’t know anymore. Shits just too much for me to handle. Life makes me want to end life, my own life of course.