Just need to get some things out. 

The past week I’ve felt exhausted. I’ve slept 20 ish hours daily on my days off from work. It just feels like everything going on in my life has finally caught up to me. 

I am convinced my kids hate me. My oldest doesn’t care what I have to say and doesn’t respect me. I’ve basically given up trying to tell him no because he’s going to do what he wants anyways. He doesn’t care if I take his phone. He will act up and fake (imo) apologize later. 

My middle kid is always saying he just wants his sperm donor to come back, and reminds me constantly that he blames me for not seeing him. 

My youngest has huge behavioral issues, likely rooted in abuse from the sperm donor. But he is always screaming at me and hitting/throwing things despite several years of therapy and trying meds.  He will tell me he hates me one minute and then tell me I’m the best mom ever the next. It’s just such a mind fuck. 

My husband is always trying to keep the step kids happy. They don’t like my rules (like cleaning up after themselves or showering regularly) and constantly their mother holds this over my husbands head as a reason for him to lose time with them, so naturally he caters to them. 
My step kids resent me. Especially my step daughter who seems to believe I am evil incarnate (how dare I suggest she washes her hair or cleans her room). 

My husband is often at odds with my youngest child, especially when I’m at work, and will say things like “I can’t do this anymore” in reference to sons behaviors. 

It just feels like there’s nothing good. Nothing going right. I can’t do anything right. No one cares what I have to say. No one would notice if I disappeared until the bills stopped being paid. It would just be easier for everyone. I don’t know how to reconcile these thoughts in my head. Idk why this is all the sudden an issue when I had been fine for about 5 years.