Hello,
My anxiety is through the roof at the moment.
I guess I just need to vent more than anything because my lovely wife is being so overly supportive I think she's in denial of the potential severity of my court date.

So I made a mistake yesterday...  I forgot about a speeding ticket which led to my license being suspended. Completely oblivious to this I'm taking our 19 year old to work at 5 am and get pulled over.

The cops are treating me like I'm a monster, they take me out of the car pat me down and put me in the back of the squad car. They take my son and do the same.

They then searched my car, impounded it took my son to a coffee shop down the street so he could wait for his grandma to pick him up and took me to the station and dropped me off in the parking lot and drove off.

The cops said this was procedure since no valid driver could drive the van and they couldn't leave me on the side of the road.

While I was waiting for an Uber driver to wake up I paid my past due ticket online and when the tow yard opened up my wife drove me back down to the station where they verified my license was re instated since I paid the ticket, gave me a release form for the car and we went and grabbed it.

But unfortunately this isn't my first ticket for driving on a suspended license. 4 years ago I forgot about an out tail light ticket and got pulled over. But the cops let me go and didn't impound the vehicle. On that court date though 4 years ago the judge instantly slammed me with 93 days in jail but allowed me to negotiate with the attorney for a lower ticket after I pleaded for mercy. 

So this time around I'm absolutely wrecked with anxiety over it. It's technically my second offense which could lead to a year in jail and or my license being revoked.  I have hired a lawyer to assist this time which I didn't have prior.

I'm just in pieces... My 18 month old son's birthday is in a few months he has separation anxiety with me, not having me around would traumatize him.

 I'm also the sole provider for my 4 kids and my wife.

If I lose my ability to drive which is how I make a living or go to jail THEIR lives are ruined...

I feel selfish and ashamed for not realizing this when I got the ticket. I feel broken that my son might not see me for up to a year.
I feel angry with myself I didn't learn this lesson the first time around.
I feel lost and dazed just like I'm not a whole person.
I can't eat I can't sleep. I can't focus.
How could I have put my family in this situation? How come I didn't see the whole picture when I procrastinated this ticket?
I feel like just a total piece of shit... They don't deserve this.

I'm not a criminal I don't break the laws ever besides these two instances. I work an honest job.  I'm just nearly in tears every single day overthinking everything.

My court date is the 27th of this month..  I have so many more days to go with this weight.
I'm really hoping my lawyer can negotiate a lesser charge.

Please learn from me, your actions affect everyone around you.

I'm sorry I'm so sorry.