No matter what I try to do, I know someone-- probably multiple people-- will end up suffering because of it. Because of me. And I see no path where I end up happy. It hurts. It always hurts. And I can't kill myself because I don't want to die either. The damage has already been done and there are people who think they love me who might hurt. Everything I do just makes my pain worse. I don't understand anything. Maybe even making this very post was the wrong choice.