This is a throw away account for reasons...cuz i cant tell this to anyone i know in real life 
At this point i am 100% sure that i am going to off myself in the next 12 months. Why i am doing this? Basically because i am a loser i will be 30 soon, never worked a single day in my life, not because i dont want to but i cant find a job wher i live, i have achieved nothing in my life, still a virgin, with 3 friends that  i see only once every week or two weeks, and im always left out when they plan something like a road trip or a travel, or q night out because im broke and i cant afford to do shit.. there is nothing going on in my life its like 0 each day is like the other, wake up take care of the house go to sleep then repeat, i have severe depression and anxiety,  which makes it worse, i have been abused physically and sexually when i was a child, raised by an alcoholic father, and an abusive mother who would take her anger and marriage problems on me.. i cant even think clearly about everything that is wrong with me.. i just wanted someone or anyone to know about what im going through.. thank you for taking your time to read this