I’ve come to this realization about BPD. I was listening to Overthinking It by WILLOW and some of the lyrics really resonate with how I feel. 

This disorder is crippling. Ive just ruined my life for the third time this year. I fucked over someone I love so much, all because I just don’t know how to handle my feelings. I have so much love to give... But I ruin it for myself. I become obsessive, irritable, easily offended, defiant, violent... I hate doing this.