everytime i get into a relationship, i have this fear in the back of my head about ruining their life due to my bpd. i always tell people about my bpd as a warning sign, like im a rabid animal who's caged. i constantly feel like my hands are tainted, and i continue to spread this disease to them until theyre full of hurt and hatred as i am. i feel like im trying to wear gloves over my tainted hands and now the gloves are starting to slip off. what do i do..?