I am a full time student. I have my midterms this week and a 20 page paper due. I lost a family friend to suicide the week before last and have fallen behind in all my classes and especially my job.

I am also a research assistant and I work around 20 hours a week. I used to love my boss and my job but lately I cannot get my act together or meet deadlines and my boss is growing increasingly frustrated with me. I missed a meeting for work unintentionally and my boss was very upset. It feels like I keep messing up no matter what I do and I can hardly focus. I cried for two hours this morning.

I have woken up at 6 AM every single day for two weeks trying to catch up and I just sit and stare at my computer, unable to even bring myself to do something as simple as open my emails. I dread and fear it so much.

My boss called me on Monday and asked why I hadn't finished a very simple task I was supposed to finish forever ago. I didn't even know what to say. I promised I would get it done and then I got a call from my mom telling me my aunt has late stage breast cancer and will die in the next few months. I barely know this aunt as she has lived on the other side of the world for the majority of my life, but I had even more added stress as her doctors think she has the BRCA 1 gene. If she has it, then I might have it too. We are waiting on her genetic testing and depending on the results I will have to be tested as well.

It all just feels like too much for me. I can't stop crying, my chest and throat feel so tight, and when I'm not crying I'm hyperventilating. I told my boss I was struggling with my mental health and she was sympathetic at first and let me take off two days but now she is getting very annoyed with me.

We lost two coworkers and haven't been able to replace them, and my other coworker is out because she just got married. I feel so much pressure and like I'm a failure.

I'm trying to get into grad school and my boss flat out told me she wouldn't write me a good grad school letter if I couldn't get my act together because I was being unreliable.

I feel like my life is falling apart. If I lose my job I am screwed as I live paycheck to paycheck as it is.

I just want a week to sit in my bed with the lights off and not be bothered and I think I would feel a lot better.