Okay the guy I’ve been speaking to for past days said straight away he wants No Strings Attached. But now I’m convinced I’m an exception and we have this close connection. I know it’s unlikely he’d ever be my bf and I’m probably just a special new experiment for him and his journey. 
But I get so attached to any guy that shows kindness to me and he’s meant to be taking virginity tomorrow. I’ve held off because I didn’t want anyone that it was just another fling to them but he’s also new to things and just as nervous, so I feel satisfied with that. And I know he will be rlly sweet/loving. But a big part of me wants it to last longer than 1 thing and do more stuff with him both s*xually and not. 

But I have this fear now that every guy I ever have anything with is shortly going to block me afterwords. It’s happened 99% of the time so far. I know I shouldn’t manifest him doing that and he probably wouldn’t but it still scares me lol, especially something so huge to me. It probably will just end up like texting dying down eventually and either decide to meet up again casually or just remain distant mutuals. BUT I’m scared after everything’s said and done and he isn’t feeling so experimental/horny that he feels rlly weird/ his own issues with sexuality and decides to do that. 

And I am rlly insecure and so it would make me snap and confirm how I feel. I just want wanna be made to feel beautiful. I’m sure I’m probably just overthinking and it will be everything I wanted but it’s still a little scary. And I feel like he is better than me and out of my league. Even tho I know my situation is rlly desirable to a lot of ppl and I’m unique which hopefully makes him obsessed with me (feel like he already is, let him explore his shadow side). So I am scared he isn’t going to find me attractive and question everything. But yeah I just want him to be my 1 loving straight daddy figure. It already has raised my frequency a lot and almost made me feel human again finally to not be seen as an object but I’m needing this to go rlly well. Lol I’ve been trying to seduce him into keeping me around for a long time.