How does anyone have normal conversations with the people they care about? My healing experience with PTSD has made me become so “trigger happy” and easily angered. My irrational black and white BPD symptoms that give me sense of angst towards relationships are flared when I am triggered almost consistently. I lose control pretty much the minute I feel offense. Sometimes it’s slightly justified to feel offended, while sometimes not, but obviously no matter what my reactions are outrageously dramatic. It’s so consistent I feel downright incapable of any sort of relationship, and that is heart breaking. I’ve spent the majority of my life since 12 in traumatic relationships and situations. I am of course happy alone, but of course I also want a family if that is available because I have two daughters I raise on my own. the family is started, and I want a full HEALTHY experience (I’ve done the single mom thing long enough) and I do want another child. 

But my goodness what a joke that sounds like being who I have grown to become these past few months. I went from what felt like “healing” to just a mental mess. My therapist says I’m just healing. Am I? Or has it went too far and is in fact now destructive? My body has faced a heavy toll, poor thing. The PTSD and BPD feel like the same thing anymore. But where do I start building better communication skills, more impulse control, why does what seemed so easily suppressed before now overpower me without any questions, no thought..?
Even just a “you’re not alone “ would help. I feel a bit hopeless after yet another day falling apart the minute I wake up...