i cannot stand myself. i think im wholly and completely pathetic and so goddamn annoying. im sad and in pain all the time and no one wants to hear about it or cares. except my parents, but i hate them because they’re the reason that i’m like this. i wish i was never born. i wish i had never had to deal with the things i’ve dealt with. life’s hardships haven’t made me a stronger person, they’ve made me miserable. i’m so sick of living with my mind and just living in general. it’s always going to suck. it’s never going to slow down or become remotely easy or manageable. i’m always gonna feel unstable, like i’m right about to fall off the cliff if i don’t make the perfect choices. it seems clear to me that i’ve already started to fall off the cliff. i’m just still hitting the side on my way down. i just want everything to stop. if i could take a pill right now and just drift off i think i would. there’s only one person in the world that i care about and i think i’ve nearly exhausted them with just how draining it is to exist around me. i don’t want to keep disappointing people and making them feel bad. i want to fuck off to nowhere and never have to see anyone again. that way i’ll just self destruct on my own and won’t bring anyone down with me. if only i had that luxury.