Just two days ago I couldn’t stop thinking about having another baby. With my boyfriend ( keep in mind for the past two years I’ve Been swearing up-and-down that I would never have another child again not because I don’t love my son but because pregnancy and post to labor or two the hardest things that I’ve ever had to deal with painful is a better word) And now I can’t seem to shake the feeling of just wanting to die to just curl up and die I don’t know I life just feels so hard sometimes I think about what tomorrow brings and it just sounds like a chore to me and the funny thing is is that I love where I work I fucking love my job but sometimes everything just is so gray and lifeless. I don’t think I was ever stayed to have a child and the fact that I wanted another one is just freaking baffling to me why it makes me think I could do all of that all over again and then all at once at the same time.