I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and sometimes I find the idea of continuing on almost impossible. I have been so messed up for so long, I don't see how I'm going to change. I can barely function. I have messed up every opportunity I've ever had, I don't contribute to society in any way, and I'm constantly wrapped up in some jumbled-up dissociative panic.  I don't enjoy anything and I'm not skilled at anything. I'm a 25-year-old loser who's completely financially dependent. I spend most of my time alone in my apartment trying to distract myself from myself. Not to mention I live in probably the most vibrant city in America but I'm usually too freaked to go outside. I ask myself why there's nothing in my life, then I realize it's because I never do anything to create substance in my life. I hate myself, so why would I subject other people to my bullshit? Why start anything I won't be able to follow through with anyhow? I don't want to let other people down like I have so many times before. My mom had untreated BPD and she drank herself to death 6 months ago. I found her body and she had a bottle in her hand. She had three children (and two grandchildren) to live for but it wasn't enough.  I've started individual therapy and I start an outpatient DBT group skills program in the next few weeks. Can this really get better? Can I really break this cycle and live a meaningful life? I guess I want to know if pushing through this DBT skills stuff is really worth it.               