Tw: suicide 

I’ve been struggling with the question of who I am for a really long time (ever since I realised I wasn’t just like...an extension of my mother). Important things change very frequently like my religious beliefs, my political beliefs (I’m very left wing but things like whether I’m anti psychiatry or not changes), my gender identity, my sexual orientation, my career goals. The only thing that’s been stable for years is that I’m diagnosed with BPD. 

Recently, on a centrelink form a psychiatrist (who I haven’t seen in person, they just were going off info from my case manager/psychologist) wrote that my diagnoses were ‘depression, anxiety and OCD.’ For years now every form has said diagnoses of ‘bpd (or cptsd), depression, OCD and psychosis.’ I felt sick when I saw they’d taken my bpd diagnosis away. I immediately stopped taking my meds to ‘get back at them,’ and now I’m feeling suicidal and like I’m not valid and never going to be a real person. 

I also recently got into a relationship and had an identity shift about the same time. I’m starting to feel like my identity is going to switch again and I’m so scared my SO won’t love me if that happens. 

How do I figure out who I am once and for all? Please help.