just when i thought i was doing better. 
i am 21, i have bpd, i stopped taking my medication because it made me feel sick and apathetic. 
i live alone, and the person i like came to visit me for a few days, but we both fucked up. we are not having a good time, and i think this might be my last straw. 
everybody always leaves me, no one will stick by my side, i am worthless and i honestly think no one will ever love me in any case. 
what if life is not made for me? what if i'm better off d34d? i don't want to be here anymore, i want to be a ghost, i want to leave this horror behind and forget about everything and everyone. 
i attempted many times, and everytime i think about those peaceful moments i feel so good, everything was about to end and i was about to rest forever and forget about everything and everyone.
i don't know what to do.