I catch myself on the thought that I do realize that it's BPD that makes me imagine all these horrible scenes about betrayal, hatred against me etc etc. And understanding of it makes overcoming these thoughts a little easier, but still I feel very devastated... It's just too hard. I know that many people have stereotype that we're overdramatizing things, but actually it's really hard. And it takes huge amount of energy just to control this flow of painful emotions. 

I just want to live without it. Can it just let me go? 

Sorry guys, I just had to vent. 