This all began just a few months ago. I applied for a job I found online, went for the interview and got the position. My job required me to go through three months of formal/class-room based training. The first two months went by quick. Nothing exciting happened...nothing memorable...it just felt like work. The last month of training, some of us were separated and placed into one of two specialized courses (there was two/three other groups). 

Day one of the third month of training is when I met her, this was just last May of 2014. I remember all of it like it was yesterday. The moment she walked into the room, I thought to myself, she is one of the most attractive woman I have ever met (sounds lame, I know...but that was how I felt). Although I was totally attracted to her appearance, I felt that her personality was way too different from mine for us to ever work out, so I was determined to not even try and look pass her.

I went through that month of training just fine. She did not mean anything to me. Sure, I thought about her every now and then - just because I thought she was attractive, but she was never an issue. Then we started working together... There was intense attraction between her and I (I thought so at least...). There were moments where I wanted to connect with her, but I would cut things off immediately when those feelings kicked in. I can not really explain it... It was just a feeling. Something told me to not get involved with this woman.

My attraction to her was strong. It was so strong that I eventually just told myself "fuck it!" I tore down my wall and decided to let her into my life. We ended up exchanging numbers and began seeing each other soon afterwards. The first date was awful. It felt so awkward and I remember saying to myself "this was a bad idea, but at least now I know." It did not end there though... We ended up arranging another date. The second time out together went extremely well. We were in tuned with each other and it felt amazing. We both had a great time. It was one of the best dates I have ever had.

After that day, we began speaking/seeing each other regularly. During that time, she told me she suffers from borderline personality disorder and that she is on medication in order to help keep her life together. I have always been an open minded person, so it did not bother me too much. In my mind, everyone has major flaws and baggage. So I was able to look past it.

We decided to begin dating exclusively after a month of seeing each other. The first week was incredibly difficult for me. We got into several pretty serious fights. Her mood was all over the place and I had a hard time coping with it. One minute we are extremely happy and the next we are disgusted with each other. It made it very hard for me to trust her. It was also during that time that I found out she is addicted to cocaine and sort of has a drinking problem. She might not think so, but I do... I confronted her about her cocaine addiction as well as all the other issues I felt were keeping us from being happy together. I basically told her it is either me or the drugs. She chose the drugs over me and we ended it, but it did not last long. She asked to get back together and she told me she will give it up for me. I told her to not give it up for me, but for herself and that I will be there to help if she truly wants to quit abusing drugs and alcohol.

She agreed, so we got back together and, surprisingly, things began moving in the right direction. We still had fights here and there, but they were minor. Overall, we were happy being with each other. After that first major fight, things got a lot better. We began to trust each other a little more, we began to understood each other a little better and it actually felt like things were going to be ok. Sadly, I am wrong...

Things have started going downhill again after about a month. She has been expressing feelings of sadness...and she has mentioned committing suicide several times. I try my best to comfort her, but it does not seem to work all that well. I do not know what to do...I have never been in this situation and I am truly trying my best to help her and to cope with all of this. Her mood swings leave me feeling very sad and empty. I have been really stressed and feeling emotionally exhausted since she entered my life. I have also discovered that she has been telling me a lot lies... for example the whole drug thing. I know she is still abusing cocaine and alcohol.

I am not really sure what I should do... Leaving her would be the best choice, but I have fallen for this person, which makes it very hard. Deep down there is a sweet, caring and amazing person. The person I fell for... This whole thing is exactly like a super addictive drug. She provides me with a wonderful high, but not without an extremely awful low. All of this has prevented me from truly loving and trusting this person to the fullest, which makes me very depressed.

From my experience so far, I advise all of you to not get into a romantic relationship with someone with BPD and/or other serious issues. It is really, and I mean REALLY, emotionally exhausting. I have been so fucked up since I met this person and a part of me wish it never happened. It hurts to say it, but it is true. I find myself feeing so down... I just want to pack my things and get the fuck out of here. I am still in this because I want to find and keep that sweet, caring and amazing person I fell for. Like I said, this relationship is like an extremely addictive drug...

That is my story. Please share your story if you are experiencing or have experienced something similar. Any helpful advice would be much appreciated as well.