Hi guys! I hope all is well. 

So, for about 6 months, I’ve been dating this girl and we’ve both been taking it pretty slowly, just because we both discussed that we want to be sure of ourselves. I don’t like expectations &amp; I enjoy living in the present moment.

This girl is so sweet, kind &amp; thoughtful. I recently bought a condo and she brought me really thoughtful gifts, she always talks to me when I need help (I have OCD), she talks to me through my anxiety &amp; she’s an extremely warm individual. 

She always told me, “listen, there are things about me that you need to know, I’m just not ready to say them.” That was 6 months ago — she finally told me last night that she’s been to therapy and they’ve discussed the possibility of BPD. Now, she has never been officially diagnosed, but she’s told me that she has a strong fear of abandonment. My grandmother has BPD. She’s still alone, we don’t talk to her even when we try &amp; she always plays victim. This girl I’m seeing is on the road to recovery, I believe. She’s yet to tell me “I love you”, we both take that seriously. She’s very ambitious towards her goals. We’ve yet to ever have a fight. She’s extremely empathetic, she’s taking her time with the progression of our relationship &amp; every time I looked into her eyes, I don’t see anything but purity &amp; radiant energy. She even tells me, “I never want you to be hurt, you deserve the world”, she constantly says that. I’m 27 &amp; she’s 24. Like I said before, I’m familiar with BPD because of my grandmother, but since I’ve known her, she’s been difficult (in about 20 relationships, cheated, constantly victimizes herself, never trusts anyone, erupts when she doesn’t feel like she’s being heard, etc.)

Since the girl I’m seeing has never had an official diagnosis, she told me her last relationship and fear of abandonment created a lot of problems. This was two years ago. 

When she expressed what she’s scared of, I was extremely supportive. I take mental health seriously, I suffered with traumatizing OCD but got a lot better. I told her I’ll do whatever I can to support her, I’ll sit, I’ll listen, I’ll express empathy, calmness &amp; truth. She was very grateful. 

I guess what I’m asking is, is she in her own head? Because she doesn’t have a lot of the textbook symptoms. It’s been 6 months, we’ve never fought, never had any serious arguments, we can look at each other and sit in silence for hours. That silence while we look at each other feels as if we had a full blow conversation, that’s how well our energies match. I want to fight for her. She’s had the same good friends for years now. She doesn’t switch up her friend group since she was a child. I don’t spot inconsistencies in her behavior. What I’m asking is, how can I support her? And did she potentially grow out of it from when she was 21? Can BPD fade over time? I really wanna be the best I can be for her. Her smile, individuality &amp; kindness make me want to be the most understanding I can for her.

Thank you!