I just cannot do this anymore. I cannot keep bringing people down. I am the lowest I have ever been so to me it seems natural that my emotions would be dark. I'm fighting to not die and  all I can see is all the negative stuff going on. I haven't been out of an emotionally bad state in weeks so of course im dark. To me It makes sense. I thought that I could be real. I thought I didn't have to put on a fake smile and say I know things will be ok (I don't fucking know that) he said he understands and he will always be there someone I can count on. Why would I think I had to be fake with someone who is BPD?
Well now I know how it feels from the other side and I will no longer tell anyone how I truly feel. 

Here is what he wrote:
"I do, I really do care. I just don't know what to do anymore hun. I'm lost here. 10-12 hours a day texting you non-stop trying to cheer you up, convince you your loved, try get you to take care of yourself, worried sick with no improvement what do ever. Just who cares, doesn't matter, oh well, wish I was dead, I'm dark, it's never ever gonna get better. Day after day after day after day. Not even a hint you want to get better. You get pissed of you think someone suggest your not trying or not paying enough attention.

I know your going to get mad and upset over this. But love...I don't know what to do..I have exhausted everything I can think of more than once and if anything you get worse. My hands are just tied here. I seriously have no clue. Even if I sit here and text you all day it's like 12 hours of talking to Eeyore, every single thing I try or say comes back defeated before it's done being said. You should eat something, yup. That wasn't enough, oh well doesn't matter anyway...all day long. 

Tell me what to do because I havnt a freaking clue"