i just read some statistic about how often people cry a year, and it made me consider about how often I cry. I'm not sure if this is normal, but I basically wake up with tears in my eyes a lot and often fall asleep after crying. As in, 4 or 5 times a week. I keep thinking I'm not depressed anymore, then stuff like this makes me think I'm not better (for a little background, I had symptoms of depression for \~7 years. I'm naturally a withdrawn person and struggled with bad anxiety symptoms for about 2 years). I don't even feel anything when I cry. It's like most of my emotions have been muffled. Straight-up, I lie awake in my bed nearly every night listening to music, hallucinating, with tears rolling down the sides of my face. For no reason. What's wrong with me? I guess a switch got flipped in me after my cat (which I was very attached to) died last year, but that's about it. My emotions are slowly coming back, but not like they used to be.

I'd get help or ask someone, but I freeze up when people ask me questions, ie, my doctor. I refuse to ask my parents for help in the matter. The reason being, my mom tricked me into visiting a counselor to try and fix our poor relationship. My doctor mentioned that I'm allowed to ask for help for mood disorders without my parents' knowledge.

Tl;dr: I cry myself to sleep often, have hallucinations. I can't ask my parents for a therapist