I often feel this overwhelming need to be alone when I eat my meals when I’m home. When people invade my space or try to talk to me when I’m eating I become extremely angry. I mean this rage just builds up inside me that I can’t control. Like to the point that I feel like I’m panicking and my hands are shaking and I need whoever is in my space to leave until I’m done eating. Is this my bpd? My cptsd? It’s been like this for years and it feels like it’s just getting worse with kids. My kids always want something when I’m eating.. wipe their butts, ask for candy, ask to get them drinks, ask for a new game, like literally anything they can ask for they do when I’m eating so I tell them to wait for me to finish eating, but that doesn’t work, so I ask again, and that doesn’t work and I finally blow up and yell at them to go away and just let me eat. If I eat in a separate room they always come in to ask me for things when I’m eating. Afterwards when they leave I’m like twitchy upset on the verge of tears just trying to swallow down my food. I know they’re kids and their behavior isn’t going to change and I’m the one with the problem. I shouldn’t be this triggered. I know I was often emotionally and physically abused when I was trying to eat my meals as a child. Dinner was my mom’s favorite time to come up to me and put me down and blame everything on me. If I didn’t respond she would push me out of my chair and so on to get something out of me. The only time I felt okay was if I was able to take my meal to my room quietly and avoid her. I got in trouble for eating in my room, but it wasn’t as bad as when she saw me eating. How do I fix this? I don’t want to mess up my kids.