I hate myself. I’m a burden to just about anyone I meet. I can’t handle my emotions. 
I got fired. Again. For shit that shouldn’t have been an issue because I watched literally everyone do it. Miscommunication at its finest. I didn’t even get a chance to explain myself. 
I’m feeling trapped. Mentally and financially. My car situation won’t change for a while either so it’s a triple whammy. 
I feel like anyone that wanted to be close to me is long gone minus like 3-4 people. And even then I think they’re just sticking around bc they’re worried I’m actually gonna do something stupid. Which at this point, I might. Nothing drastic, just dying and cutting my hair and reclusing myself so much that people forget I exist. 
I feel like I’m losing my grip on reality more and more each day and today was just the icing on the cake for the first horrible half of 2022. 
Meeting one of my partners at the beginning was great, until we had a really bad month+ in May. We went from being able to joke around and laughing, to me crying every day and feeling like I’m the most annoying person to him. I constantly have my mind racing, wondering if he’s finally going to be fed up with me lashing out and leave me like anyone else I felt close to. 
My other partner; she and I have known each other a decade and she had her own situation going on. I feel like I’ve lost a best friend. I can’t say much to her bc it hurts her mentally just as much as it hurts me. So I’m just silent most of the time. And when I do reach out, it’s met with silence or “oh I’m sorry” and nothing else. So I started to do it back to her involuntarily. And now I feel like the cycle can’t be broken until I hopefully get my mind balanced. 
My son lives with his dad full time bc of a shitty living situation; my mom was renting from someone for a decade and the lady finally gave us a month notice to move earlier this year. So I’m having to stay here biweekly. And sleep in his dads room/ share a bed. Basically since March. It’s currently July. 
I went as far as leaving the group chat for the 3 of us and deactivating most of my social media. I’m losing it. I keep thinking about drastic things and changing my  mind at the last second. I lost interest in just about everything and I feel like I fucked up too much.