My wife has BPD and keeps going to her female friends house who also suffers BPD, for days at a time, stating she needs a break, this is the third time in 4 months. She is currently a voluntary in-patient at a respite centre/psychiatric unit but has gone to her friends again. She will not converse on phone, it has been texts only for 2 days and she has now asked for 24hr zero contact. I am respecting her wishes so far, but is it right that BPD sufferers do things like this to test people? Push n Pull type tactics. 

I have not done enough research during our Marriage I always just assumed that the BPD was under control - I was complacent having never even heard of BPD before. She has medication for it and I thought rather incorrectly that it was in abatement . We have been married 5 years and only this last year have we started having problems - some stem from the BPD some not. 

My wife also has Anxiety and Depression so to help I stopped working and became her carer as well as primary carer for our daughter. I took all the household chores and maintenance of finances onto my shoulders as well as doing everything for our daughter. This in retrospect was a bad move. I have gone from being the go-to guy for everything into being castigated as a control freak and manipulator.

Last time she went to her friends I called a few times and I was put on speaker phone and her friend kept joining in the conversation which rapidly dissolved into huge, huge argument. It was a pure drama triangle. Needless to say her friend encourages my wife to leave me, grab our daughter and move in with her etc. When she returned home after the last time she went there I blocked her friends number after I saw a text that said " Shall I come fetch you? Wait until hes out grab Ava (our daughter) and just leave and move in here" on my wifes phone. When I unblocked it a week later and they got back in touch it kicked off. I know I made a huge mistake...I was desparate, worried and panicking.

She has been in Hospital nearly 2 weeks now and I try to offer support and encouragement where ever I can - I drove the 70 miles to it unannounced the other day with a bouquet of flowers just to do something nice for her... She didn't say a word when I handed them to her. She keeps pushing me away, being non-comital, vague and elusive. Then she will say she loves me. Then she will say lets do couples counselling which I would me more than keen to do. The cycle is unrelenting. I feel like I am in a washing machine. A rollercoaster. I am not a perfect man I am flawed and I have my own issues that have not helped matters...

What is the best way forward here?