Rant: Recently my bf proposed to me saying he wants to spend his life with me and basically be with me forever despite my constant mental health struggles. I am on a mood stabilizer but its really not helping and I'm seeing a psychiatrist on Thursday but it feels like forever away. Even on meds I have really shit days where I think about ending it. I feel like complete shit for trying to be in a relationship and commit to someone when I don't even want to be here. Falling in love was like some last bit of hope that I try to hang onto. I just remember last weekend were I went a bit crazy and cried for 3 hours straight and hit myself and he tried to comfort me while he asked me to please not un alive myself. But its almost like the only thing I want to do. I just feel so guilty.