Okay, so all of the following things are after 8 years of sitting at home every day doing nothing (almost).

Started with going to a pdoc again in 2021 and went from 4mg risperidone to 3mg. Pdoc and others say it helped a lot.

Since then I get anxiety from time to time where I get a feeling in my body that I can't be in my body if that makes sense. It rarely happens and when it does it quickly passes. I don't take meds for it.

Since corona I drank too many beers. Started out with 6-8 normal beers a day in 2020 and in a lot of 2021 close to 12. Been quit now for 3 months. Had no withdrawals when quitting or things like that.

Been smoking most my life on and off. Mostly on. Then some vape but always started smoking normal cigarettes again. Quit all smoking/vaping a month ago.

Logged out of all social media for some months because Reddit gave me anxiety from bad experiences (too active). Slowly trying my luck again but think it has to be at an absolute minimum for my mental health.

Got a job 3 months ago, 3 times a week, 11 hours a week total. It's physically demanding. I have a habit of going over every social interaction I've had there when I get home and I cringe at myself a lot thinking I could have done better and how people must not like me. When I'm at work I don't think about it and it goes well. Pretty weird. It has gotten better since getting to know people better.

I just got the word from the hospital, 10 or so days ago, that I'm having jaw surgery (upper/lower) in the beginning of february. Feel pretty chill about it now but I worry that I might somehow get a panic attack when I'm in pre-op. I think they can give me something for that. Last time I had psychosis was in 2019 and there's no hallucinations or delusions now. Haven't really felt anxiety either since the 10 days so I think I'm going to be alright. But I would be lying if I didn't say that it's on my mind a lot recently. Started out the process of this whole thing in spring 2018 so it will be good to get it over with.

Now, I actually wish that I had some anxiety meds at hand for an emergency or melatonin for sleep if I should sleep worse during my recovery. My psych nurse told me I couldn't get anxiety meds for what ifs like that and if I didn't sleep good during recovery it must be because of pain and I should take pain meds for that instead. If I get too much anxiety during recovery I can write the psych clinic about it and get a script without coming in... that's how I understood it. I remember when I told my pdoc in the start of 2021 about the upcoming surgery and she didn't seem particularly fond of it but didn't discourage me either.

It's all a bit much now that I write it down.