I have come on here to complain and vent and confess my sins. Over the last few months my tenebrous hold on my sanity fell to pieces. I’d fuck up, rage, get fucked up, rage, hurt myself, hurt others. I couldn’t keep my shit together anymore after a long time of holding up the facade. 

I’ve now accepted that I was in denial of my illness. No one wants this - it sucks. I tried to will it away with magical thinking and walk around the earth like I was like everyone else. On the inside I knew I wasn’t. Sometimes I would slip up. Every day my thoughts are dark. 

Anyway, I’m just accepting that this is part of me and I have to face it (myself) and try to work on the parts of myself that I don’t like. I want to be real and stop hiding. In the past week, I’ve started a DBT class, drastically cut my drinking back, and have exercised 3 days in a row.

It’s early. Life will always be difficult, but I’m feeling hopeful. I feel scared, too, but I am feeling good and healthy today. I also hope that you all enjoy the weekend and do something nice for yourself. 