I feel so guilty and ashamed. I'm 33 and still drink like a college kid sometimes. Every time I drink, that is. Alcohol poisoning. 

On Saturday I blacked out, ubered to a bar, drank way more. Puked and shit myself in the Uber back. Got charged the cleanup fee. 

Had to go after my phone the next day but wallet is gone. 

I want to be done with this. But after a couple months I just forget about the whole almost dying thing. My emotional memory is bad. 

I think it triggers mania in me. I fight the alcoholic label so hard. AA doesn't make any sense to me. I am likely bp2 and don't get very severe manic episodes (fighting this label too).

The worst part ... My mom had gone to the ER for chest pain that night. If anything worse happened I'd not have been there.

Thanks for listening.