Recently, I posted about how I'd gotten into a conflict with a friend. The conflict was solved but then escalated again by me getting into a fight with my boyfriend. I started to wonder what exactly had gone wrong, why I felt like I was falling into these negative behavioral patterns. I started to get scared because I'd rather not fuck up my close relationships.

Then I realized.. I wasn't giving myself any attention. I'd mentioned to my boyfriend how I felt neglected emotionally in the relationship, yet I wasn't even trying to give myself emotional attention. I felt myself getting worse and worse until finally when I was crying while trying to go to sleep, I took a deep breath, and told myself "It's going to be okay." 

Did I still cry? Yeah. Did I still feel bad? Yeah. But it was a little bit better. It became bearable. I didn't feel quite as crushingly lonely as before. 

I am still struggling mental health wise but now at least I'm not putting myself down and making myself feel even worse. I still do not like myself largely, but comforting myself when I'm upset really does help.