I've been really good about not messaging my ex since my diagnosis with BPD. Before I got the diagnosis I was messaging him so incessantly he had to block me. He has repeatedly asked for space and so I am desperately trying to respect his boundaries because I love him. And it's been going well. I haven't had too many urges to message him and they were all manageable. 
But he hasn't posted anything on his social medias in nearly 3 weeks now. He runs his own business and he even missed his company anniversary which is huge. He never misses it. As time has gone on I have gotten increasingly worried about him. His father has been sick for a long time and I'm concerned he may have finally passed away. 
I'm so unbelievably anxious about him. I've been trying to get my schoolwork done but I can't focus at all. The whole day has been a waste and the longer I restrain myself from talking to him today, the harder it gets and the more painful it becomes. All this coronavirus crap on top of everything has me feeling like it's the end of the world and like if I don't message now it might be too late which is definitely irrational but still powerful. My heart feels like it's full of arrows I'm just so worried. 
I've been trying to stay distracted as much as possible but I need something that requires passive involvement on my part like watching a video. When I try to do something which requires actual focus like my schoolwork, it just brings me back to thinking about him. What should I do? Or is there anyone willing to talk or something? Doesn't have to be about this, just a chat.