So I'm in a healthy relationship with someone respects my boundaries and is very supportive and patient. However I can feel myself I guess splitting whenever I notice just how supportive and respectful he is, it's like one half of me loves it while the other half is in disgust over it. It's so confusing and frustrating. Also for some odd reason it makes me miss my controlling ex so much to the point I become depressed, is this me trying to sabotage this relationship or something? 

I don't want to because I like the dude alot but It's like the half that's disgusted is so much more in control at times. I don't get this really and I hate myself for it honestly, I never said anything rude or mean to my bf either. I mainly just keep these things inside and hidden, I'm just terrified I guess of the day when things go wrong and I explode.