After not going to restaurants for 3 years, and barely going to family gatherings, I have finally decided to join my family at the restaurant for birthday celebration. 

I was nervous the entire drive there, and surprisingly the first 15 minutes there were totally okay, but all of the sudden my heart started beating way too fast, I was having some chest pains that were probably triggered by anxiety or digestion issues.

I tried just going to the toilet to take a break and try to calm myself down but the damn heart wouldn't stop (140 bmp). I was dizzy and feeling like I'm about to faint.

So me and my husband had to leave in the middle of it. 

I couldn't eat anything and he was forced to finish his meal quickly.

I apologized to everyone but still feel like I've ruined it and I'm fucking useless drama queen.


The shittiest part is that the second we were out of the restaurant I felt perfect but was still ashamed to go back so we went home.

I feel like shit.
I have some medical issues as well and barely enjoy life, so that was like the final straw.