Just having a hard time and need some advice.

I feel like my soul is being crushed.
There's no real reason for it, honestly. I just hurt like this sometimes.

The last few months I started doing some independent studies that were pre-requisite courses for a course at a college I want to get into. I was doing really good, but for some reason the last few chapters of one course have been really hard on me.

 During studying the last few days I've been having panic attacks and depressive and angry episodes after or during my studying sessions. I have to stay on schedule and do a test on Monday but I don't think I can do this. 
They're only two independent studies and I can barely work through them, so how am I even supposed to become a full-time student if I do pass them?
But If I put all of this off I'll feel like a failure. I know I won't be able to handle failing or giving it up and become suicidal.
I'm trying to fight it, I'm trying to study, I'm trying to tell myself I'm a good person, and that I'm not lazy or stupid,

But nothing I'm doing works.

Should I just drop out and try again next year? Get more therapy, try to get a job, put everything off and become suicidal?

I don't know know if I can push through. i wish I was fucking normal. I wish I wasn't so goddamned fragile. I feel like I wasn't even made for this world, like there's some dimension that's all cotton balls and glass that I was supposed to be born into. 