Short vent.

I've been clinically diagnosed with anxiety. I'm depressed, bordering on suicidal. I have had 2 panic attacks in the last 2 days, one of them while driving. I cannot afford to live anymore. 

But it isn't fair to the ones that hold me close if I just offed myself and it's the only thing stopping me. As I become more and more numb, it's mattering less, and I'm afraid. Maybe this is some desperate call for help. I can't afford any type of mental help, nor the meds I was prescribed. 

I don't know how much longer I can hold on