Hello there guys! 

I’m a final year medical student, and I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for the past few years. 

I’m supposed to be working at a hospital for 4 weeks, following the doctors and residents, and practicing my skills. 

I attended the first 2 days of the rotation. First day was good, second day was tough- Everyone was very stressed, and a lot of things went badly. 

I felt completely out of my element, scared that the rest of the days would be just as bad, and I took the next day off. 

A day off turned into a week+ off (9 days) because I couldn’t imagine what to say to justify my absence.

Furthermore, the thought of studying had me overwhelmed. I told myself that to go back to hospital, I’d need to study lots and know lots of information in order to impress the doctors and “make up” for lost time. I see now that this is a bad thought process, and I should just go into the hospital and do my best.

The 2 main doctors I’m with- I worked in their department years ago, so they know and like me. If I start attending tomorrow, I’m sure they’ll be supportive. 

I just have no idea what to say, how to justify this! I was aiming to have them write a letter of recommendation- How could they, if I say that I’ve been struggling with personal issues? 
Is a white lie okay for this situation? 

As an aside, I’ve been receiving therapy for the past year, and it’s helped immensely. 
This pattern of overthinking and withdrawing from situations (whether it be not attending class or the hospital) is a regular habit I’m working to fix. 

The therapist and I concluded that exposure therapy is my path towards improvement... But they said they can’t push me, I have to take these steps myself. If I want to get better, I need to go into the hospital and face the fear myself.

Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation, or needed to explain a long period of absence? What worked for you?

I’m feeling a little lost here and was looking for reassurance. 

Any and all advice would be so appreciated- Thank you guys. :-)