So let me start off by saying I’ve never been “diagnosed” with BPD. only self diagnosed. And i feel guilty for self diagnosing because I’m not even sure if I’m allowed to say I have BPD, but I’ve done so much research and i definitely can check off a lot of symptoms, like obsessiveness and compulsiveness and manic episodes and crazy mood swings. And I suffer from anxiety and depression. I’ve never been on meds. I’ve had therapists before. I’ve abused substances before and self harmed before. I just feel so crazy sometimes and BPD just makes so much sense to me. 

So i (23F) have a boyfriend (27m), we’ve been dating for over 6 months and have known each other for almost a year. I love him so much and he treats me so well. But I’ve never told him about my BPD before. He knows I suffer from anxiety and depression, but he doesn’t know about BPD. So we were just on FaceTime, because we are in a LDR, and I’m chatting with him about the dreams i had last night and what I’m gonna make for breakfast and I’m talking about my day and I’m so excited (for the first time in a while, too, lately it’s been really hard for me to get out of bed) and then he kinda said something that triggered me (it sounded like something my dad would say, and i don’t have the best relationship with my dad) and we got into a huge explosive argument, but it was mainly me snapping on him and being so mean and defensive, when he was only trying to help me out. and he immediately apologized for saying what he said because he knew it triggered me, and the next thing i know I’m crying in bed, i don’t even want to get out of bed. I feel so crazy. And i feel so bad for flipping out on him because he did NOT deserve that and i just don’t feel like i deserve him and he doesn’t deserve these crazy mood swings and episodes that i drag him through. 

So i guess I’m kinda venting but I’m also just so confused. Has anyone else ever had this happen?? Where they just go off on their partner?? Is this normal in someone with BPD? Also any advice on how to deal with feeling like this because it hurts so bad.