When I first started high school I was diagnosed as adhd because I couldn’t “focus”. This isn’t entirely true and I don’t know why my parents snd doctors were so determined to diagnose me with it. In reality I was exhausted, I skipped school multiple times because I was just so tired. I would sleep through class even if I did go. I was depressed and that’s why I couldn’t focus. I resisted the stimulants until my senior year of high school and the first time I took them it blew my mind. I remember doing multitudes of homework in a day, not sleeping for more than three hours for like a month, I was absolutely off the walls. My mind was extremely sharp, my grades skyrocketed. To everyone on the outside this seemed like it was working. Now being diagnosed bipolar two years later I question if I was ever even adhd in the first place. Speaking to people who are adhd about their stimulant experience they describe it as their mind being clear for the first time ever. It was the complete opposite for me. Everything was x100 for about a month then they lost effect and I was right back where I started but worse. I would have these periods where I would think “wow the meds are working again” then crash a month later. I chased this “high” my entire last year of high school. This cycle went on until I had an awful depressive episode my first year of college followed by a full blown manic episode then a diagnosis with bipolar. I just wonder if I was ever adhd. If I wasn’t then there’s no doubt that taking stimulants for two years probably made things a lot worse for me. What I experienced sounds more like rapid cycling bipolar episodes due to amphetamines than me being adhd and “fixed” by the medication. I just wish my parents and doctor would’ve at least considered I was depressed all those years back. I’m fully convinced “adhd inattentive” is just another manifestation of depression and maybe even a precursor to being bipolar. Who knows. I’m just questioning if I was ever adhd in the first place.