This might seem irrelevant, but I wonder if this is related to why I was diagnosed with BPD...

 I'm so upset that I found out the truth about my mother growing up. I knew she had some kind of strange secret involving her brother, my uncle getting shot, but I didn't know the extent of her involvement.

Today I went out to dinner with my grandmother and she slipped that police had previously been to her house because her neighbors did something stupid recently and was telling me. She then realized that it slipped up that she mentioned my uncle was shot and that was the last time the police were there. I didn't think it was anything, but then today I googled their names and the word "shooting", and an entire court case and trial came up. This all took place in the late 80's when they were late teens/early 20's. Long story short my mothers boyfriend at the time apparently attacked her with a knife. He also had raped her and basically abused her. My uncle found them as my mother was being attacked at knife point and threatened to kill the boyfriend for doing that to my mother... my mother's ex boyfriend was pissed at him or something, so he hired a hit man to shoot my uncle. According to the trial, the ex boyfriend was also mad over my uncle owing him money for cocaine or something because of my mom.

First off, why am I so shocked. Well my mom married my father later and my father comes from the complete opposite. He grew up to strict immigrants who worked so hard to get where they were. My paternal grandparents had never even smoked as much as a joint. I've never even heard them swear in English or even their native language, and when I do they get offended. My dad grew up well off, his parents paid for his education in full and did amazing in school. He went to a good college and I'd be surprised if he even tried smoking weed more than once. He's also the vice president for a MAJOR biopharma company making a good salary.

I grew up REALLY well off. Based on how well my father took care of my mother, you'd assume she came from affluence kinda like my father. My parents were strict and disciplined me well. I lived a pretty sheltered childhood and my parents always came off as "rich white parents". I didn't even have a cell phone until high school and I'm young enough that iPhones were a thing before I was in high school. Based on how I grew up, maybe its such a shock to me as to that happening to my mother. Heck, she doesn't have to work, drives a Benz that my dad bought her, is getting a brand new pool in the brand new house she just designed and built, and yells at me if I even say a word slightly provocative (I'm a young adult now). They (well really my dad) pay for everything and 100% support me, although they SUCK at giving me advice.

My sister and I have done our share of trying some drugs here and there but nothing major. Well I did coke a few times, but it's really not my thing. I'm not even a regular smoker to this day. We all smoked weed every now and then, not even considering us "stoners", and my mom's gotten PISSED and went apeshit. I don't understand how she used to do cocaine regularly, but nearly threw my sister out for underage drinking and smoking one singular joint.

It all seems like an act to me where she wants to seem a lot better than she really is...

What really pisses me off is that once I attempted to tell my mother I was sexually assaulted when I was a teenager by an older guy, and she told me I was "making it up". If my mother got raped at knife point as a young adult why would she accuse me of that... I was hurt over it, but eventually got over it because I knew there was no point getting hung over it for too long, it was time to move on. But growing up, my mom was weird. I had NO privacy. I didn't have social media until I was 13/14, and I always had to ask to make an account. Of course they were all monitored. As a teenager I couldn't sleep with my phone in my room because of her, literally until I was a sophomore/junior in high school (remind you I COULD DRIVE). She claimed because she thought I'd be up on it all night, but in reality she just wanted to go through it. There was a point where she made me tell her the passwords to everything and read my messages. If I told someone something in a message that wasn't even of her concern but she didn't like it, she'd confront me the next day about it and tell me to stop telling people things.

It's caused me immense paranoia. I've always thought something was wrong with her for doing that, I also went through a point as a teenager where I thought I was depressed because of her strictly. Her being strict, but also giving me no space made me feel stuck. My father was always lowkey an asshole at times, but he never seemed as extreme as her, he just always had higher expectations and would get pissed when I never met them. To this day, I think she has histronic personality disorder. I have no idea if my father knows about this situation.

My mom and I's relationship resembles a normal, functional one, but I could never see us being close for these reasons... She still doesn't even know I know that my uncle was shot. No one knows I know what happened according to the entire trial and I'm tempted reaching out to retired law enforcement to ask them about the case... I'm just wondering if the day will come that she'll tell me. My uncle's kids don't even know, and his oldest is getting married in a few months.

I don't know what this rich lady act is and hiding it from us, she's my mother and as messed up as she might be, I can't choose my mother. I want to accept her for who she is because despite her strangeness and strains at times in our relationship, she's done a LOT for me and has supported me to where I am today (pursuing a combined undergrad/grad degree). Because of her and my father I have support, aspirations and the means to achieve it. I just don't understand why there is such a disconnect...

Thank you for letting me share, this is well open to commentary. I'd love to hear anything relevant\~