I met my old friend in a restaurant today. I was eating and they said hi to me, I was rlly nervous and wanted to talk to them after I finish.
So after I got up and tried to talk to them they ignored me, in fact that they were actually waiting for me to leave my seat so they can take it. 
Another friend that I talk to everyday doesn’t actually care about me, in fact no one cares about me. They never show enthusiasm toward me or step up to talk to me. It’s always me that starts a conversation or shows all the enthusiasm. I often pretend to like the same thing they do, while no one does even 1/10 of the effort toward me.
They jokes about my scars and insecurities and pretend that I like it, even if I already look unimpressed.
Deep down I probably know the reality already but it just hurts when I truly experience it.
I often wonder if I’m a horrible person or it’s just better for me to not exist.
Not even my mom cares about me, she doesn’t even talk to me and whenever I want to talk she just stares at me or gets mad easily. 
Fr it’s suffocating, the little things piled up. I wish dying can be easy.
I wish I’m better looking, I wish I have better personality, I wish I’m smarter, i wish I can be loved. I want to hang myself, I think that this is the least painful way to die.