I’ve deal with depression for as long as I can remember. Over then years, I’ve learned to find my own ways to cope with it. I briefly saw a therapist who gave me perspective and taught me even new ways to cope with it. As much as one can anyway. I deal with what is called PMDD it’s like PMS intensified. So before I start my period each month, I usually have about a week, sometimes more, during this time I transition in between erratic emotions every once in a while feel brief moments of normality. I’ve dealt with depression outside of this, but when I’m facing PMDD, I notice the PMDD depression symptoms correlate with my regular topics of depression. I feel a lot of worthlessness, a lot of why am I here, what do I have to offer, some are aimed towards traumas I’ve suffered. It’s a running theme of not feeling appreciated or like I’m enough for anyone. A lot of me telling myself others would be better without me around. I’m currently going through a phase of PMDD now and boy it has me at an absolute breakdown. I can barely speak without spewing tears everywhere. It’s a rough one. I can’t even get a coherent thought out without sobbing in between and sputtering my words. I feel drunk on sadness. Tripping over everything. Creating chaos wherever I go. I had vented to my boyfriend yesterday how I was feeling, I had previously discussed that PMDD is something I deal with, pretty sure I’m undiagnosed bipolar, but that’s a story for another day. Last night he left for a work trip and everything wasn’t great, something was off, but I did not expect the events that followed whatsoever. At some point last night I receive texts telling me he hates me and doesn’t want anything to do with me. I make him miserable and he wants me out of his life. That he never loved me and he’s loved his ex girlfriends more than he ever did me. That I am boring and lame and a loser. I realize even now that this is projection about how he feels about himself. But I am taking it so hard because I was not in a good mental statue to begin with. I just don’t know what to do or how to stop feeling so broken and sad. I don’t want to be here anymore and it scares me. I know a lot of people will think I’m childish for letting someone’s words get to me, but my ex is not like that and normally does not speak to me this way. So I am just taken aback and cannot think of a healthy way to process all of this.