I was diagnosed with BPD (my experience is Quiet BPD) a few years ago. I’ve dated casually for a few years, had one tumultuous relationship that was on and off for a little while somewhere in the middle of all that. But I’m now in a newly committed relationship, about 4 months in, and it’s the most beautiful, magical relationship I’ve ever been in. Definitely falling in love with this person. So naturally, the stakes feel high. And it’s causing my anxiety, my insecurity, my shame, and my fear of abandonment flare up. I’m deeply private about all of this because I’m so scared of scaring my partner away. They are incredibly compassionate, understanding, kind, attentive, reassuring, and validating. Every possible good thing. They always listen to me with attention and and care and make sure I know how special I am to them. But privately I’m really suffering...despite all their amazing qualities I’m still so scared, like I will inevitably screw this up with the way that I am, like I might making their part in the relationship harder than it has to be if I’m honest about how much I struggle and that will cause them to leave me. Even though I try my absolute best to be calm, kind, to never do harm, to really process what I think and feel before acting on it. And sometimes out of the blue, like moments after feeling so close to them I don’t feel close to them at all. I don’t understand why. And sometimes I really can’t even register that it is my self with whom they are in a relationship. It’s almost like I’m making educated guesses about who I am, or what I might say in any given moment, and so it’s so hard to be natural. I feel often like I’m living in an alternate reality, where I perceive their actions and behaviors or my own actions and behaviors so irrationally and it’s terrifying. I want to make sure moving forward that I do my best to communicate what I’m going through so they understand me, and so that there’s a fundamental level of transparency between us. But also, the way BPD is discussed literally everywhere makes those of us who suffer from it seem inherently monstrous. I have been having a hard time being open about my end of the relationship because of this. I’m scared of seeming like a monster while really all I’m doing is trying my best, and not always succeeding, but trying. 

All that being said, can anyone speak to a relationship they’ve been in, either with BPD yourself or with a partner who’s been diagnosed with it, that has felt successful? Is there hope for me? What made it successful? I’d appreciate any and all input.