People always used to tell me that I need to choose happiness over unhappiness. I always got so angry - I didn't think there was a choice I could make in that regard until now.

I feel myself slipping into isolation. Lately I've been finding that talking with other people is useless. Everybody around me wants me to be happy; but anytime I am found enjoying one of the few things that make me feel happy I am made to feel bad for enjoying it.

This cycle has opened a floodgate of negativity in my head. You want me to be happy, but I am pathetic for choosing the things that make me happy? Whatever.

I find it a bit difficult to describe how apathetic I feel towards everything now. I had hopes, desires and goals but they're all just dust now.
Where I once found myself longing for a relationship with another person I now am overwhelmed by a feeling of being better off without that in my life. I'm losing interest in talking with my friends and family. And in all of this I do not care. It's okay that I feel this way because this is how I've felt for most of my life. I don't need anything else. Happiness may be nice, but this cold isolation that I feel creeping back over my brain is what's real.

I could easily make choices to do things that make me smile or laugh, but why would I? That feeling never lasts and when it's gone all that's left is an empty feeling and other people shouting about what a dumbass I am. I just...don't care - and I don't know how to make myself care either.

I need to get out of here. I need to get away from here. I need to isolate. I don't care about happiness or if there are people out there that don't suck; I just want to be completely alone until I die. 