I've gone through a sudden and deeply agonizing breakup this past month, and this whole time I've been feeling this constant tightness in my chest that made it hard to breathe at times, and most of the time it's almost impossible to focus on anything unless I'm distracted. I eventually learn I have what's called "Broken Heart Syndrome". That mixed with BPD has made these last weeks a living hell, I keep fluctuating from moments of relative peace to feelings of emptiness and sorrow, and whenever I feel that way I cease to function, I can't think I can't focus and nothing helps. I've been looking up coping strategies, and the only one that seems to work (but only half the time) is the breathing techniques. I don't know what else I could do to ease this pain and this feeling of total hopelessness, and I can't even consider therapy as an option due to the fact I live in a country where mental health is heavily stigmatized, and even psychiatrists treat their patients like they belong in an asylum.

My relationship lasted almost 4 years, and it ended so suddenly that it took a while to even hit me. I shouldn't blame her, in the end my BPD became too much for her, and she decided abandoning me was the better option for her. But that's not even the part that hurts the most, what hurts like hell is how fast she moved on, and suddenly became a stranger to me. After 4 years of being closer to each other than we've ever been to anyone else, she suddenly became very cold to me and treated me like someone she barely knows. I keep wishing I never met her, I keep wishing I never fell in love with her. 

Every single time I'm trying to heal myself, and I make some progress and start feeling less empty, I suddenly find some reminder of her, a reminder of the fact she's all happy and enjoying her life while I'm miserable, wishing I could sleep forever. It doesn't feel fair at all, that she gets to move on before I even processed what happened, and that I'm still here a month later still at the bottom and unable to climb back out of my pit of despair...

I'm really sorry about this post's length I just really needed to get it out somewhere and I need some help coping with all this.