I'm just done. There's nothing left. The only thing that WAS left treated me with zero respect and I wasn't even ON his list of priorities. I'm obviously not worth shit. He claims he cares and loves me, but my feelings were not important obviously, as he had no problem hurting me over and over again. He was given a billion chances, but he didn't even give me one.

I hate him, and I hate myself. I don't want to live anymore, there's no point. I don't even have any friends. 

So yeah, I think I'll keep on lying to my therapist about how much oxazepam I have at home and try to save up until I am almost certain the amount will end it combined with alcohol. Unfortunately oxazepam is pretty mild, so there's quite a long way until I actually have that amount. 
Hopefully I won't change my mind.