Hello, I'd like to ask for some advice about a recurring issue in my relationship. I don't know whether BPD is involved or not, because my friends have told me that neurotypicals struggle with this topic too. 

My SO and I have been together for 2 years so far, and I'm actively learning and practicing DBT skills. I've been diagnosed with depression but my therapist has told me that I exhibit some typical BPDish behaviour. DBT has changed my life although I'm aware that I'll have to be in therapy for a lot of time. Anyway, here is the problem: I used to be very clingy and needy especially when it came to text and call my SO. He, on the contrary, likes to reach out to me just once a day, usually around 7 pm. Initially we'd fight frequently because I'd text him randomly during the day and get angry whenever he didn't answer.

After he told me I was smothering him, I tried to correct my behaviour and stopped texting him first completely, which means that I never text him during the day and wait until he texts me. That way I'm sure I won't disturb him. 

Problem is: thanks to therapy I've started actually enjoying my alone time without the costant need for chatting, and I'd say that sometimes being called while I'm reading, watching a movie, etc., actually bothers me. Before, I'd stop every activity to answer the phone. So I think this is a good progress.

But lately my SO has started to text me randomly during the day and this is making me crazy:

\- on one hand, I feel bothered when he interrupts me, just like he was bothered by me in the past;

\- on the other hand, I still have fear of abandonment, so I can't just postpone my answer, *because I'm afraid that if I don't answer immediately he will abandon me out of the blue (it's not rational, I know).* So I receive the text, read it, and then force myself to drop everything to answer him. And then I'll feel resentment. 

I tried to ask him if we can agree on a phone calls scheduled time, but he says that calls and texts shouldn't be a chore and that we should feel free to reach out whenever we want. He says if I can't answer immediately it won't be a problem but I'm terrified he might leave. I know I'm not pretty or smart or everything so why would he waste his time waiting for me to text back? And yet, I'm feeling so disappointed because at the time he didn't give me the freedom to call him whenever I wanted.

How can I solve this issue? Thank you.