A few monthsbago i just ended a 10 year commited relationship as we were both in misery and suffering with eachother jot sleeping in the same bed for years not beign able to experience joy in eachothers company and only anomosity. Now a few months single I feel nothing majority of the time but emptiness so.times joy, sometimes humor, most times regret, animosity, emptyness,lonelyness, disgusted with myself forever. Ashamed, worthless, like the world has less to offer me than I have to offer it( raising little ones). I find myself endlessly setting up tinderdates only to rarely follow through. Endlessly scrolling through social media trying to find any distractions. Sex is the only way I can feel anything and most times I feel nothing but myself falling into a dark obys.everytime I realize more and more that there is no  such thing as love,connection, trust....it was all false alone I have nothing to offer, I don't feel like a good parent, friend, companion, employee. The only thing that feels worthwhile yet more cold and slightly connecting is the bedroom. Everything I found temporary joy as of only recently ..... have since then lost intrest in, Where do I go from here, why bother? Idk. Just some thoughts.
I !deelclike the disgusting stain in society , nothing false, empty. Meh whatever.