Hi all. 
I would like to share something I have found incredibly helpful in my journey. When I got diagnosed by a psychiatrist who knew me for all of 15 minutes I did my research. Although a lot of the behaviors and characteristics seemed to make sense, there was still a feeling that the "treatment" I was receiving was not the right fit for me. It took me about another 2 years to find a therapist and I began a 9 month DBT program. There were a lot of helpful tips, techniques and information that I still revisit, but even during those 9 months, it still felt like something wasn't really getting at the real problem. 
My journey has had quite a few unexpected detours, switchbacks, pit stops and the like, but I've trudged on (I'll keep it short and save the details for my memoir). The BPD diagnosis was extremely detrimental to my confidence, self-esteem and attitude. 

Then I found something called the Laundry List: 
1) We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.

2) We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.

3) We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.

4) We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality
such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.

5) We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in our love
and friendship relationships.

6) We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, and it is easier for us to be concerned with
others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.

7) We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.

8) We became addicted to excitement.

9) We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”

10) We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to
feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).

11) We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.

12) We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to
hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which
we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.

13) Alcoholism is a family disease; we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics
of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.

14) Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

This is from a twelve step program called Adult Children of Alcoholics and Other Dysfunctional Families. I bought a book online and began reading it. Clear as a bell, the words rang true throughout my being and it was the first time in my life that I realized I am not bad or wrong or defective. I was programmed this way. Programmed for self-destruction. I had no idea how in denial I actually was because I was so afraid to let go of the unhealthy dysfunctional relationships that I thought were holding me together. 

I'd like to also add that a couple of months before I found ACA I had started to attend EA (Emotions Anonymous) meetings and wow- the literature is full of empowering slogans, perspectives and  reminders. 

In addition I have been studying a book called Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg which has allowed me to understand why my old behaviors and communication were causing me problems in my relationships. 

I share in the hopes that someone else like me will find what they need. It has really helped me so much. My clarity, self-esteem and confidence are coming back and I feel empowered to change. 

My diagnosis put me in a prison, these tools have given me the key to freedom. I need healing, not a label. And these things have given me a path to heal. Perhaps you can find something helpful in here as well. 

Shared with love and an open heart. 

