i don’t quite know what to say, this is my first time on reddit and i was hoping to be in some sort of community i think. i should start at the beginning, and that’s what ill do, but it’s a good bit. i graduated this year, almost didn’t. my mental health has been in the gutter since forever,, and when i say forever i mean forever, f18, was diagnosed with depression when i was 9, that’s just how it’s been. after four years in high school , 3 attempted suicides (light flex i know), several weeklong stays in inpatient facilities, 4 therapist, 3 psychiatrists, and 23 different medications, i finally graduated. went to university, i only applied to one and i got in. spent summer working heavily, eventually quit, and spent the rest of the summer hanging out with the only person ive ever been able to have a connection with. i was so happy. eventually, time was up and it was time for me to start my college career. i loved the environment, living in a dorm with three other girls, one who was/is my best friend, and another close friend that lived in the building over. but academics fucked me in the ass. i worked hard in my classes with little to no success, went to tutoring, office hours, anything i could think of to help me,, nothing quite worked. i became extremely depressed and anxious and in turn my grades went to deeper shit. i couldnt eat or sleep, and getting out of my apartment was something i was just unable to do most days. i decided to drop out and start working,, my “dream career” doesn’t require a degree, college was just something i decided to do to escape the ridicule from my parents. after i dropped out my mental health gradually got better, i started leaving my apartment everyday, meeting new people, looking for jobs etc. i was still depressed but life just got easier for me to handle, and in turn it started getting better. i knew i had to move off campus so i found an apartment,, my parents had always talked about how if i didn’t go to college they’d help by paying my rent for the first couple months. when i found the apartment i did everything needed until i got to the last step, paging,, called my parents and they said they wouldn’t give me first months rent ($330) until i had a job. i understood, but it still bummed me out as i had been spending several hours a day for a couple weeks looking for work, and they both make well over six figures. long story short, i couldnt find a job, and i couldnt stay on campus, so i had to move back home. my house,, is extremely toxic, my parents love me and i think/hope they care, but believe that housing me and feeding me are their only jobs as parents, and because they decided not to let me starve/be homeless they’ve done their jobs and more as far as what it means to be a great parent. not only that, but i owe them for doing so. my parents are toxic for many reasons, but that’s beside the point. our house itself is also toxic for me. my parents are hoarders, not the type that you see on tv, but the type who have endless piles of clutter everywhere. there’s not a single room in our house that you could see more than 50% of the floor, much less furniture. our kitchen is filled it rotten food, dirty appliances, and fruit flies. after i moved out the clutter expanded to my bedroom, the one place i had for myself. it’s so cluttered that theyve moved my bed out, since im here ive been here ive had to find clean spots on the floor to sleep on. even so the entire house is dirty, i came back last night and  woke up to several piercing infections and very irritated skin. so that’s where im stuck now, with parents who degrade everything i do, and in a house that i can’t see the bottom of. the reason im here on reddit is to ask for help,, ive moved three hours from all my friends, i can’t drive, (trying to teach myself) and unemployed. honestly im just miserable and i feel like im stuck in a hole with no way out. talked to my dad and he told me to look on the bright side, wont bother to talk to my mom because i overheard my dad telling her how i felt and her response was that i chose to do all of this. i don’t know what to do, im not suicidal, but im just done with everything. im exhausted and i dread waking up in the mornings. 

sorry for grammatical and spelling errors if there are any.