... and I'm not even in one.

Not with her. This isn't a relationship. This is madness.

I am supposed to be the indecisive one, I'm the one with BPD. Why can she choose between me and her "boyfriend" on who she's obviously cheating with me. I want a fucking strong relationship... Not constant suicidal thoughts leading to tries. 

To the people saying that suicide isn't the right choice - have you ever felt what I'm feeling? Not talking about other people with BPD, I'm sure they know what I'm talking about. Corpses doesn't feel. I sick of taking pills trying to "take the pain away". 

I'm looking for the off switch. If anyone can point it. With a gun. 

Do it.