After doing tons of research on the internet, it seems like there is no better explanation for my problems (e.g., probably not misdiagnosis). But I'm back where I started: not all the symptoms listed in the DSM for BPD speak to me, and those that do are much milder for me than the literature (Fox book, etc) seems to suggest. 

I have no trauma, no self-harm, no emotional dysregulation. At first glance, I'm pretty normal. I've never quit a job because a boss was mean to me (I am good at holding my tongue/kissing ass if theres something in it for me). I've never gotten literally **obsessed** over someone. Sure, my interpersonal relations are as bad as they could imaginably be, I have enormous issues with delayed gratification, my impulsivity is very bad with respect to my vices. But that's all pretty mild, if not to say simply personal failings.

Is this a normal thing that some people diagnosed with BPD experience? Two disclaimers btw: I am a guy and I did not score the "quiet" subtype. I got a 12 on impulsive and a row of 10s and one 8.