My borderline has been in full swing lately, I’ve been really damn unstable. I lowkey made a huge mountain out of a non-existent molehill over something my therapist (FP) said during our session last week. I convinced myself he hates me, he’s disappointed in me and he’ll kick me out

I brought it up this session of course because I was in a very desperate need of reassurance and hearing him tell me that no, he won’t leave me. But he didn’t. He did silently comfort me with not acting hostile, uncomfortable or anything of the sort and he told me we’d meet next week like we always do, so that calmed my abandonment panic for now. We even had small banter about it, so I think we’re good for now and he likes me

But what he told me got me thinking. “It’s important that I don’t reassure and comfort you about your fears, it’s not because I want to hurt you. If I reassure you that I won’t kick you out, that’d mean I’d acknowledge this as a reality instead of just a fantasy you created in your mind. We play into this kind of fantasy world with children and I won’t treat you like one. It’s important you come to a conclusion regarding this”

It makes sense if you think about it. Reassurance over a pretty much nonexistent and unrealistic issue that has no ground to it could be seen as a form of enabling

But I desperately need that kind of reassurance for stability and it hurts me a bit that he wouldn’t give it to me. It’s hard to decide these things when my mind kind of splits itself where my thoughts and rational really don’t match with my feelings and emotional state. What he said makes sense and I can acknowledge he never gave me any actual reason for me to believe he’d kick me out. But at the same time I know my abandonment issues are still there and are still very much intense and I really need some comfort and relief for them

(I don’t want to invalidate anyone’s need for reassurance or anyone’s comfort in it. I’m the same way and I know how damn awful and dominating anxiety over abandonment is. So please don’t take it as such, I just thought I’d share this viewpoint that’s new to me. Maybe it could help someone and motivate someone to start looking for reassurance internally instead of externally)

What do you guys think? Is reassurance for unprovoked fear of abandonment a form of enabling by feeding into the idea of it, or is it helpful and productive when it comes to calming these fears and making them disappear and get better?
Or maybe this is just for the context of therapy. I’m not sure, but I treat his word like gospel, so I might agree with him on this while maybe not seeing this as reasonable if it came from literally anyone else