My boyfriend is one of the most supportive and mainly the best guy I have ever known/met/been with. He knows about my BPD, Depression, Anxiety; he handles it pretty well in my opinion. He also deals with my T1 Diabetes which is a lot in itself. We have been together almost 2 years. This is the first REAL long lasting relationship I ever had and I am grateful. But when I can't have rational thoughts, I stress him out. Thanksgiving was the downfall.

What I love and hate about my boyfriend is that he holds everything in because he is afraid it'll hurt me. So, what happens next is when he let's it all out.... 

My diabetes and mental health have really taken a toll when I go to work. So much it put me on another leave of absence because I was physically getting so sick at work. With the other health problems I had this year (kidney stone surgery, broken ankle) I have been missing HELLA work. 

Anyway, Thanksgiving, I already was not feeling good at all. Nauseous but also my mental illnesses were in overdrive. ALL of them. We were supposed to do 2 thanksgivings and then he was gonna go to work. What happened still has me a little on edge today.

He told me I didn't have to go to his Grandmas Thanksgiving and I was upset because i said well I wouldnt get to spend time with you and then I started to cry. 

Note: When a girl is crying, try not to ask "Why are you crying?!" In the tone of wtf is wrong with you.

He asked that question and I told him I wanted him. I was so frustrated I hit him with the pillow. I don't know why I did, but I did. Then he unleashed everything. 

"Think we need to break up. This is becoming way to stressful for me, I can't keep taking care of you all the time.  You don't clean enough, you're never working so I have to support us. I just can't.  " 

Hearing him say that broke me. I had a feeling that this would happen I didn't want it to be true though. 

It took hours for me to calm down enough to call my dad. I'm still begging my boyfriend to reconsider and at the time he was pretty upset to. We both love each other So. Fucking. Much.  So we kissed each other goodbye and he told me I could talk with him tomorrow when he gets off.

I went to my dad's,  had 2 bites of Turkey and 3 bites of potatoes.  Then I really wanted to be alone, but couldn't.  No bedroom for me anymore, I moved out. They gave my little nephew my bed, so I had nothing. I kept texting my boyfriend trying to see if he would reconsider. At least let me come home and be with my cats, my belongings, I just wanted to be away. Reluctantly he said yes and I didn't hesitate to ask. 

He apparently got off early and went to the bar with his friend and got completely hammered. Worked out in my favor because drunk boyfriend said he was going to give me a second chance. 


Here's to not screwing this up again.