I recently moved mostly just to get away from my previous circumstances. Everyone told me that I would be happier if I just found a new environment, cut out some toxic people, but I'm just the same as I've always been, if not worse. As if my environment gave me depression, I'm just born like this.  Everyday I wake up and just wish I hadn't, I spend the rest of the day either crying or pretending to be fine, and all the while I can't stop thinking about suicide. This shit feels so hopeless, I have no purpose or drive in life, and I'm too far behind at this point to catch up. I'm just a fucking failure with no path forward. I can't even escape into entertainment, everything around me feels so fucking fake and put on recently, and I can't tell what's real anymore. I see everyone succeeding around me and it makes me feel like shit, but then on the other hand I know that they also feel like shit and it just makes me realize that even if I got what I wanted, got all the things I feel would fix my head, I'd still just be me in the end, and I am defined by depression. 

What's the point of continuing this façade? so I can just be miserable for however many years I have left no matter what good comes my way? I keep asking these questions for hours everyday, I hardly even work anymore, sure I'll get canned any day now, but I can't find an answer. I'm just alive because I'm not dead

Sorry if its a bit ramble-y or hard to follow, I'm not sober