I'm 30 but still acting like a crazy 16years old because of my bpd. Why can't I control myself? I had a relationship for almost 3 years. We lived togheter, but if I look back on these period I felt like I had to raise up a child. He had a strange childhood and also some mental problems I think. He was never diagnosed.. I loved him so much in the beginning. He made me a stonger woman. But that changed after a year. Our relationship was not healthy. He was always smoking weed and playing on the playstation. He quitted his job and stayed at home for more then a year doing nothing.. when I was home from work we spend 1hour togheter and then he started gaming again for the whole night. We never went to bed at the same time, because he gamed all night.. he didn't like most of my friends. I love travelling but he thinks it's a waist of money so we always had arguements because of that. And if we were travelling he was complaining everyday about the money. But he chooses always the most expensive restaurants and didn't want to use public transport but a taxi... even tough I felt like he was the best man I ever would met. In summer I couldn't handle it anymore. We had a fight because I spoke about my doubts. He left me and ended the relationship. We didn't really talked a lot about it. He saw how much the relationship hurts me. I was so afraid of loosing him that we decided to stay friends. For 1 month it went very well. We had such a good time as friends. After 1month we had amazing sex for the last time, then 5 days later he told me he had a new relationship. I felt so broken. Didn't understand that it was so easy for him to replace me. I was being strong, told him I was happy for him and wished him all the luck. Inside I was dying. He told me too much details after I was pushing him to tell me them. I just wanted to be a good friend, who supports him and he could tell everything too. But I couldn't be that friend... when he saw I got emotional about it he left me. He was ignoring my messages. He canceld our plans. And I became crazy again... I have called him so many times when I was crying. He didn't answer but I left voicemessages. I texted him long texts about how I felt. He never answered. It makes me become more crazy. I send messages to his gf, to his brother, his mother... because I didn't want to lose him. He called 911 because he tought I would kill myself. I was so angry that I said I will make his life miserably like he let me feel... he called my mom and is now thinking of calling the police. It's so messed up. Because I want to be friends with some imagination of him. He is not perfect at all. And he was not kind to me at all. He was just the first one who stayed with me for so long. And I don't know how to let him go. How to stop this. Every moment of the day I feel like I want to text him, I want to hear him. I want to make it good again. I still want him in my life, but I messed it up so hard. 

(Sorry for my English, it's not my native language)