Being depressed has negatively impacted every aspect of my life. Sometimes I’m so exhausted from the fatigue to the point that some days I only get out of bed to pee. As you could imagine, this negatively effects my hygiene. A lot. 

I’ve found that I struggle the most to brush my teeth. Something about standing there, staring into the mirror, and moving my arm back in forth is just so difficult for me. My teeth are horribly stained. I don’t even like to smile anymore because of how yellow they are. I’m pretty, and I feel like by letting myself get this way, I’m ruining my looks.

When I do manage to brush my teeth, I usually tell my mom. My mom is probably the most supportive person in my life. Without her, I’d quite literally die. Sometimes I’ll run to her bedroom on weekends and say “Mom, I brushed my teeth!” And she responds with something like an “alright baby, that’s good.” In the moment, it feels kind of good. Like, I completed this task that feels so strenuous to complete. And the more I think about it, the more pathetic I feel for feeling like brushing my teeth is strenuous.

Sometimes I wonder if my mom feels ashamed. I’m 15, I shouldn’t seek any sort of gratification for something regarded as basic hygiene. I wish I was good enough for her. She never says I wasn’t, but I cant help but feel like she would be so much better off with a different child.

I feel like such a failure. To my mom, to my extended family, to my friends, to my girl, and most of all, 

To myself.