So I came here wanting to post my own events of the month of hell I've been going through. But first I want everyone on here that is suffering in silence with their video games, music, anything to drown it out, I want you to know you are one brave mf. You deserve love and good things to come. We all do and I hope they will, for all of us. When this world is so damn divided amongst race, religion, government, COVID-19, Moneypox, all these diseases sprouting up after 50 or so years, Anxiety does not discriminate. It effects us all, deeply. No matter what our faith or skin color, it doesn't care. I'm sorry we all suffer like this. I always wonder what I did in a past life that made me deserve such cruelty and pain in my own head and skin. I bet we all wonder that. I believe we didn't do anything, noone deserves this.

So this month, last month was hell. I've googled medical documents. Googled non ionizing radiation poisoning. Polymorphic light eruption. Sun poisoning. Spider bites. local diseases. EVERYTHING. Nothing fit. Early this month out of nowhere my skin starts itching and turning into some rash. I'm not allergic to anything. I was only out in the sun maybe 30 minutes. I felt like my entire body was on fire ALL the time. But no redness like a sunburn. The rash completely went away but the burning hasn't. My hands get real red and itchy, knuckles down. My throat tightened up, my side hurt something horrible and I had diarrhea. But my temp would remain between 97.6 - 100. Never went over 100. I noticed if I get a little bit upset even, my temp would rise. Everything would react and escalate. Once I calm down, it all disappeared. The shitty thing is I'm STILL going through this. I can't sleep. I've lost my appetite a looooong time ago. All I can do is obsessively research ANYTHING that might explain this and How. To. Make. It. Stop. I'm at a complete dead end. It's gotten harder to work in public thanks to panic attacks. Everything seems to be setting off my panic and I can't determine what. Just sitting here typing this my head hurts, I'm hot and sweaty, I'm trembling and it's hard to just sift through the worry. The every question I don't and can't find an answer to. I've lost myself a long time ago to this new anxiety woman who is now me. I just want myself back. I just would like a normal day without fear and subconsciously degrading myself. I feel like I'm going insane.  And just to think I'll be 32 in two weeks. I'm too nervous to get my driver license, but it's just the fact of sitting with a stranger in the car that gets me. I couldn't even see my dentist today because the anxiety was so damn overwhelming. I'm lost.