First of all this account is a throwaway because I don’t want my friends to find it my dad died in a way that I don’t think anyone who don’t know me would believe I’ve tried seeking actual help depression meds do nothing for me I was 16 when this happened and now I just smoke weed to forget the pain but I’ve been clean and it has been creeping back up he died due to a heart attack when my half brother left with his biological dad I watched him die the pain mixed with anger has never left me I don’t even know if this was coherent or if I’m rambling or if anyone will see this but I don’t really know how to deal with that currently my life has been the same exact nothingness I’m in the middle of dropping out of school and I’m probably going to get my ged the two things I believe is keeping me alive right now is my dads bloodline would not exist if I die and my dogs if anyone has dealt with this how did you all get out of the grief rut