does anyone else ever literally feel ashamed embarrassed of being happy because you feel like you have absolutely no reason to even feel happy?? and then you switch to wanting to literally die a couple seconds literally? 

that’s usually how my happy meter runs out.

When I’m happy my brain starts to tell myself that i should feel shameful/ embarrassed of even trying to be happy because the negatives overpower anything positive in my life. this feeling is really frustrating. 

For example maybe i’ll start feeling really happy that i finally have a job. well after 10 minutes my brain literally starts to bully me (lol) and it goes like: “oh you’re happy you have a job? well almost everyone else does, nothing special. there’s no reason to feel to happy because remember, every other aspect of your life is shitty; you’re co worker was being mean to you the other day, you dont go out, you have no friends, no one cares about you, you have to significance to anyone’s life, etc”. 

this is how it goes all the time.