CW: light mention of self harm and alcohol abuse 

It makes me feel bad that other people can get up when they feel bad and do things they have to do 

It makes me feel bad when my friends are like oh I’m getting sober, yeah it’s hard when I’m at the bar but I did it! Like I’m so happy for you, but I don’t fucking want to hear it. Ok? I wanna be sober, I wanna do yoga, I wanna eat fucking fruits 

And then it’s like well it’s bc you tell yourself you can’t, like OKAY Susan I KNOW but when I can I also tell myself I can but right now I physically cannot 

I got drunk last night but I dont have a headache or hangover. I woke up on time for work, and yet I’m laying in bed wondering if I should maybe self harm so I can feel like a person or maybe I should chug the room temp beer on my floor so I can move 

Like I’m sorry, I’m really sorry I want to be a person but it is hard