so, me and this person have been speaking constantly for a little over 6 months (january of 2022 up until yesterday) and i've really grown attached to them. they've always been there for me as much as they could be and i swear i've never felt something just so like. magical?? it was like they'd actually come out of a fairytale if that makes sense

a bit ago they told me they needed a break from talking so we did and ofc it made me absolutely miserable. in that short amount of time, i'd managed to convince myself that they hated me and thought i was worthless and eventually i came to the conclusion that it would be better if we cut e/o off for good. and we did. I spent the entire night crying and shaking because i felt like it was all my fault and i still do. I feel so, so dirty and horrible and i just can't get rid of it. sometimes i feel like i don't even want to breathe for another second because I am literally nothing without them. 

it also makes me really sad because i spent months trying to be who I thought they wanted me to be. this person knew they were my fp and knew i had bpd and I tried so hard to help them, I even spent hours writing a doc for them so they'd know how to help me + some websites. i went through all that for...nothing, basically, and i don't know how to feel anymore