I think I'm almost back to "normal" or at least a bearable way. One of my remaining big issues is: self punishment.

I'm not talking about things like self-harm, tho I suppose it could be a way it'd happen.

Basically if one day there's something I feel like I did wrong, I'll just make myself relapse into an old addiction.

Or I'll make myself think I like something, do it, and realize midway what I knew all along: I don't like it.

Or worse: make myself think I am something, and then battle against myself or give up.

The thing is, sometimes I know I'm doing it, I know it's bad, but I can't stop. It's like I'm in the driver's seat but paralyzed.

I'm trying my best to regain my self-control on that aspect of myself.

It's dumb, because I literally let myself do things I know I don't want to do, just because I feel like I need to be punished for something I did that day.