My ex situation-ship and I are very on and off again bc he has an avoidant attachment style and I have bpd which makes for what my therapist calls a “perfect storm”. The only thing we ever really fought about was how he was starting law school this fall and he wouldn’t/could’t be in a relationship with me during that time - especially bc that would also make us long distance. We fought/cried about it pretty much the entire year leading up to the actual breakup. Things probably would’ve worked out fine, but as we got closer and I suspected he was pulling away I had a major split and ended things. We were no contact for about 2 months and during that time I was determined to move on. I was doing okay-ish until this past week because it was his first week of school. 

I have never felt stronger FOMO/regret in my life. It actually feels like I am going insane. It’s like a switch flipped in my head and all of a sudden my feelings for him have come rushing back and I am so mad at myself for missing out on that time we could have had together. I have this crippling fear that I am losing him to law school. Either that we’ll grow apart because he doesn’t have time for me, or that he’ll meet someone else more stable and convenient, or that law school itself will change him into a person I don’t recognize anymore. 

I ofc already reached out to him via text to say hi and ask how things are going which he did respond well to (albeit days later bc he is just “so busy”), but it is taking every ounce of self restraint I have to ~play it cool~.