  

Ah! Sorry for the long letter!

Does anyone else feel like “There’s nothing that you can do to help, it’s not your responsibility” is a cop out? A phrase people tell you because they want to make themselves actually feel less responsible?



I feel such responsibility for people who have been through the same things as me or worse. If I have learned some things others haven’t had the opportunity to yet, should I not be helping them get there? 

10 years ago I didn’t really realise how bad my families addiction or my dads abuse was. I learned to suppress, pretend everything was normal and keep it to myself. I told myself, I don’t have it that bad – other people are much worse off. 

I am privileged in the sense that I got to push myself outside of my comfort zone with the help of other people and realise my own capabilities. This was my first job in a cafe (I used to be terrified of even saying hello to customers, let alone think I could become an excellent server, barista and bartender). My boss gave me gentle and consistent encouragement and guided me. I had a family there. This set me up with the idea that maybe I could try things I didn't think I was capable of, and it might be ok. My first boyfriends parents taught me what it was like to sit down for a family dinner, taught me how to cook, chop onions and garlic (sounds silly I know lol). 



I wonder about all the young people and adults who are not acknowledged and still having to pretend, who don’t have access to any resources – and who think the reason that they can’t excel in relationships, education, friendships and careers is just down to them not being good enough?

I KNOW this is not true – My social circle as an adult is full of privileged people from (relatively) healthy families, they didn’t have to worry about not affording food, they got to go on ski trips, they were safe to express emotion, they knew their parents would be there for them when they needed it, they *know* they are capable. On the opposite side, in my family, and children I went to school with had opposite circumstances and resources and I see people with low self-confidence and esteem. 

They don’t believe they’re good enough, and if they’re lucky enough to realise they are it is met with an uphill battle. Trying to study with a toxic family, trying to study with no money, trying to ask for a pay rise when you’ve internalized that you are worthless. Trying to believe that your partner really *does* love you. 



It is stressful and tiring. If everyone only focuses on themselves and no one else, how are we supposed to be happy as a society? Shouldn’t we rally around those who need it, when we have the capacity, and if we can so clearly see the inequity?

Note: I realise that some people just are not in the position (emotionally, time-wise, energy-wise) to do this, and I would have no expectation on those people. I just mean, when people are in an able place.