I have plenty of friends who also have BPD or clinicar depression, but I wonder why none of them ever came up with story about how lonely their live is? Meanwhile, most of my problem circled around being empty, lonely, and literally has no friend. Sometimes it's annoyed me when ppl said they dont have friends which in fact they have someone to talk to, either friends or family or basically just strangers on the internet.

Lately I've been reflecting my life and I realized I always been lonely and have few friends compared to others at my age.  When I have friends, I never been their number one friends or someone their regard as important. I do not have anyone to go to concert with, or to cinema, or throw me a birthday party. Some people I know also said they'll be there when I need to talk but when I do need them, theyre just gone. I understand it's not their responsibility but still..

Of course everything I wondered if I actually a terrible person, or am I just too ugly to become friends. Am I boring too? sometimes i feel like I wanna make some sort of evaluation to my remaining friends in order to see whats wrong with me and how can I improve. I'm just tired being rejected and lonely all the time whenever I dont  have to work.