I don't like, it makes my depression worse.

I'm a smart person but depression is taking all over me.
The symptomes i'm living with caused me memory loss and waves of despair and grief for no reason.

I can't sit at the desk without feeling negative thoughts and suicidal ones. 

I failed my semster , my meds make me feel worse.
I don't care about education anymore , i wanna heal and be happy.

I suffered from child abuse and neglect.
I don't know when this depression will leave my psychiatrist told me it will take a long time.
When will i be normal please?

I live in a 3rd world country when there's no credit cards and debts ones, can't affrod a proper therapy.
Our governement makes it really hard for us to do freelancing atleast to make money, it's not possible for us.

I've been thinking about leaving to the US to heal my mental issues but i've no idea how i'm gonna do it since i'm 20.

I've nobody to talk with about everything i wish but the stigma about mental illness is crazy.
It makes lonelier as always and desperate.