Why would I work for so much in life when I'll never have what I want

I want to be happy and be doing good in life and be independent, I'm 16 and I have been trying to get my driver's permit for awhile but my dad isn't very supportive of that , and I've been trying to get a job and the same can be said for that, so what is likely to happen, is I'll struggle with getting my license til I'm almost 19 then Ill get a shitty first job close by wherever will hire me, I'll walk a hour to work and a hour back every single day for another year til I have enough saved to buy a little shitty car to drive to work, then work another year or so to get enough saved to start looking for a place to live in, then once ive done all that let's just say that I'm 20 and finally independent living by myself, I'm always alone so I'm used to not having anyone around me but when there is nobody in my house I just lay down and cry and feel sorry about my life even though every one of my problems go back to the fact that my mother ruined my entire family life, she ruined my dad's 30s and early 40s, he's 52 now and is barely just doing good enough to be able to buy things just for fun, he's always had big tvs and what have you but he recently bought a boat so he's doing better now he's good

Then I think about my sister's, my eldest only got out of this horrible life although she had it worse living with my mom, she moved 1000 miles away when she turned 18 and she's happy and has a child now which in happy for her and her boyfriend is a cool guy

My older sister who's only 17 is my closest sibling, she moved 1000 miles away too and shes doing really well for someone who's mother forced them to stop highschool in the 3rd year, she has a house that's actually really nice and she lives with her girlfriend who's cool as well

Then you got me, a complete fuck up of a child even though I had it better than my sisters, I got expelled from public school because I had gotten wrongfully searched and I had cigarettes and marijuana in my backpack, I was selling it to make a few dollars to buy chips at lunch also for the respect that I got at first, then there's the freshman year story, I joined (was really close friends with a gang member, so was a affiliate) a gang in fear of my life (a lot of people at this school hated white people so I hung out with the Mexican gangs and chose them over the other group) and at the time it was the smartest thing I could have done, that was okay til I cussed out a teacher for harassing me which she was fired 4 months later for the same thing and she didn't give me any credit for that quarter because of our argument so that set me behind in the freshman year, then I changed schools and it was extremely Asian, not a racist statement just 70% of students were Asian and I was the only white student but I used my friends name and the Mexicans knew him so I hung out with them and never got super close with anyone

Then I stopped going to school for a reason I'm not saying, and came back and all the Mexican students I knew weren't there anymore, mostly changed schools or violated probation and hit arrested, then the Asian student started to harass me a lot, at first it was just looks and talk but the started saying my Instagram name which nobody at this school should've knew, and then when they said that I just left school and went home early, the name day the same thing happened but it was just two of them, there was 6 the day before so I just left because they were taller than me and weighed more so fighting was stupid

The way this school is set up is like a jail, large metal fences around the outside, you cannot get in without getting buzzed in which takes at least 40 seconds

And a tweaker started tweaking and I thought he just wanted a dollar or something and we started talking and by the end of the conversation I had said that this was my school because he had asked if I was good at math and he ended up walking down the street, the from the cvs parking lot as soon as the tweaker walked away another man comes to me who's a lot smaller than me but that's not the point, he seems high and he's saying shit like "you ever get yo whip stole?" "you ever got shot?" "You ever get yo shoes took?"
And when he said all this it caught me off guard so I told him no wand walked away 

So I leave the and sit under the tree Infront of the office building next door, then a car comes around the corner and parks Infront of the gate to the school and three students jump out, I was texting my ride saying that I'm ready to get picked up and I noticed that those students were walking towards me, which I was very out of the way of the gate and I noticed that it was at least two of the same students, there was a 3rd who I didn't see face and there was a driver in the driver's seat and someone in the passenger seat, and they just kept walking towards me and by this point it's been 15 seconds since they got out the car, about 2 minutes since the tweaker, and the shorter guy is still within eye sight walking into a parking lot behind me

Then the students who are walking towards me put on those surgical COVID masks and when I seen them get them out of their pockets that scared me so I was stareing at them, and I seen the pistol grip of a handgun in the waistband of the guy in the middle and as soon as I seen that it clicked in my head what was happening and I started running right across the street and I wasn't thinking about what was happening but I looked back and they were already passed the tree I was sitting at and were about to cross the street so I jumped into bushes and jumped a fence that was in the back like ally behind a cvs so I just ran into the cvs and instead of calling the cops like I wish I did I called my sister and told her that I love her because I knew that I was about to be killed

That was a year ago now and since then I just really haven't had motivation for anything, I died under that tree in my mind if I had any mind left to die in

Sorry to anybody who actually reads that I started just going off about that last part and just everything