Life with bipolar.

One minute you feel like your high, enjoying everything in life. Doing those dumb exciting things you know are wrong and oh so risky but in the moment, God they are so fun. You lost your 6th job in a year because it's interfering with your life. And really, you just don't care you want to chase that high into oblivion and beyond. You want to buy all that stuff you want, but you'll never use. You'll face some agitation if people are even a little different than you remember. But they actually are the same way they have always been. You just don't see it, you see what your brain decides to create at that moment. You ghost them to pursue funner people better times, you need to grasp onto that high as hard as you can because you know what comes next.

You feel so completely worthless like a burden to everyone you love, then you feel even worse when you start to realize all the things you did before. You have to pick up the pieces of the train wreck the former you created, but you can't even get yourself out of bed, you call out of work so many times or just ghost them you loose your 7th job in a year. A heavy darkness creeps over your entire body like a heavy fog draping over the mountains. The darkness within is holding you down and not letting go. You do not want to be here anymore and wonder is there a way out. Your mind begins playing tricks on you, telling you not to take your medication. You tell yourself you will be fine without them, that the high you love will come back and that the high is your normal self. You tell yourself you are not sick, that the medications are a mistake, that people around you are making you take things that will just hurt you. You convince yourself you are normal without them and that everyone just wants to see you fall.

You stop what deep down you know is needed and begin to spiral. You ruin your life, your relationships are gone, your friends have walked away, you just lost your 8th job this year. You think you are fine and it's all them, but the reality is you lost against your own demons and began spiraling beyond control.  If you're one of the lucky ones you catch on and beg people for strength and help, others however are not so lucky, hospitals, psych wards, jails, prisons sadly even the grave. 

These are real possibilities of letting bipolar take control of your life. Be your life, not your illness.

We all need a little help, sometimes alot, but we need to stay on course take our medications and remember there is help for us.