Hello everyone. I'm sorry this post is a little long. TL;DR at the end. 


Had a friend that I really loved. We shared a lot, he was one of the people that I felt really close to and thats pretty rare for me. Don't know what happened but about 3 years ago we had a falling out and stopped contacting. When he didn't even bother to text me a simple happy birthday, I realized that the relationship is dead and I should move on. 

When we were hanging out, I was pretty much blinded by BPD and showed a lot of self destructive - impulsive behavior.  I spent the last 3 years healing myself. I came a long way. Still have many problems and symptoms to deal with but it's a progress. 

Recently I was contacted by this friend. He said that he was seeing a doctor and he mentioned the possibility of BPD. Said he was in a bad place, and he totally understood why I behaved like that back then. This led to a conversation and we decided to reconnect. 

At this point I need to mention that in these 3 years I realized that many of my relationships were one sided unhealthy friendships. People always trust me, because they can sense that I have no other motives than being friends and sharing. So there were many people who used me as their emotional dumpster and I was enabling them because I felt needed this way. Once I realized that, I became kind of conscious about it. I felt used and was disgusted. I destroyed these relationships. 

With my friend, we text a few times a week. And I start to realize that whenever he texts me it's about a problem or a symptom. He just pours it all out.  Sometimes I ignore his texts pretending to be busy, because it makes me feel like I'm drowning. I feel like shit afterwards. 

He also always talks about himself. One day I decided to do a simple experiment. I texted him "what's up?" 3 days in a row. Every time, he told me what was up in detail and then the convo was dead. You get my point. But honestly he's a very good person who has a hard time focusing so maybe that's that. But weirdly,that's not how I remember him at all. I don't know if this is because in the past all my friendships were like that and I didn't notice or I just don't remember. 

 I am feeling resentfuI because he wasn't there for me when I was in a tough place. These years was hard for me, I moved to a new city where I had no friends and family. Everbody around me literally disappeared and I was left alone to deal with BPD while working with toxic people, with no meds or therapy.  And my friend kind of ghosted me. He just started to study back then, and I know he was busy with a lot of things. But I was there for him anytime he felt bad. When I feel bad, he's gone, and when he feels bad again, he's right there with me. Can you see a pattern? 

I also don't think I will be able to handle another person's mental problems as well as I did before. It's just... too much for me now. I'm dealing with my own wars daily. I almost get triggered when I pick up my phone and it's flooded with tens of texts about his problems. 

What I'm asking here is, am I being paranoid thinking that he's.. using me somehow? It's true that I am afraid of getting hurt. It's hard to tell for me, so I tried not to leave out the details. 

And should I talk to him about this? I believe that we should be solving our problems this way, but I have no idea how to talk to him about something like this. I don't want to damage the relationship. 


TL;DR : had a best friend. He ghosted me when I needed him, I worked on my problems without any support and now am better. Years later he contacted me when he found out he could have BPD and we reconciled. Now it feels like he only talks to me when he has a problem, and I'm feeling resentfuI. I also don't think I will be able to handle his mental problems now. It triggers and upsets me. Am I wrong thinking this way, and is there a way to talk to him about it? 

Thanks for reading. 