So sorry if this isn’t the right place but I’ve been dealing with violent intrusive thoughts and I would really like some advice.

I’ve been dealing with anger lately and the weirdest things set these thoughts off. Well the weird thing is they aren’t so much thoughts as they are sudden intense rushes of feeling—for instance my brother was leaving me alone while hanging out to go to bed and for some reason that made me furious. Like I felt a rush of anger and this general feeling of…wanting to hit him maybe?  Nothing specific. Again, it all happens so fast and it goes away just as fast, and the thoughts/urges are not very specific. People never know I have them either because I don’t yell or do anything. 

But what’s worrying me is tonight my moms cat, who refuses to use the litter box, actually pooped in my doorway and I stepped in it and I got so pissed. Cleaned it up, etc…later I was eating a choc chip cookie and thought I dropped a chip and that rush of anger toward the cat hit me again. It was so many things happening at once I don’t know what I was actually feeing. “just leave it and let the dumb cat eat it and get sick” and “eh I’m tired and don’t feel like looking for it if I did drop it, I bet the cat will be fine.” Then I realized what I was doing and picked up after my self in disgust/horror.

I really hope I’m making sense. My worry is that I kind of acted on my urge toward the cat and almost left the choc there…and it could have hurt him, and that the urges could escalate to more serious things and toward people even.

For the record I do have OCD but I’ve never really dealt with these thoughts and feelings before. I don’t know what to do and I feel violently ill at the thought of hurting ANYBODY but when I get angry my thoughts convince me otherwise.

Ugh…thanks to anybody who might read this.