I graduated college in 2019. After covid hit, I was confined at home 24/7. I worked as a freelancer throughout the pandemic since I had to quit my in-person job. I was living with my parents and planning to attend grad school when my dad died unexpectedly. I helped to make the decision to remove him from life support. I was able to hold down a job for about six months afterward, but the grief ate me up, and I had to quit. I couldn't shake the sense that I had disappointed my family; I was always an overachieving academic, and now I couldn't even manage basic tasks. I even considered suicide so that my mother could collect my life insurance policy, but I didn't go through with it.

This was just before my 24th birthday. It's a few months past that now. I am still unemployed aside from my part-time freelance work (although I am trying to break into a new field.) I live at home, almost never leave the house, and haven't seen a friend in person in three years. I've completely wasted my life since graduating.

Although I am seeing a therapist to treat my depression, I'm still constantly anxious and unmotivated. I keep lying awake at night worrying that I will never catch up to where I'm supposed to be. I feel weak for not being able to handle life. Sometimes I worry that anything I'm doing to improve myself is not worth it because, deep down, I'm always going to be a failure.

How do you overcome feeling like you've ruined your life? Are there any other late bloomers with advice to share?