I don’t mean to seem helpless or as a victim because that is not how i am ever trying to come off as because it isn’t how i feel. I have been having very suicidal thoughts that don’t know how to shut up, i used to be able to control my thoughts but i find it more difficult to these days… i cut myself very badly today and i still don’t feel anything. i want to die because this constant cycle of wanting to get better, making progress, then falling back into this dark world isn’t doing anything for myself or anyone around me. i feel so invisible and as if i am nothing. the only feeling i have is the nostalgia of what used to be, that empty feeling that it’ll never be again. i will always be grateful for my life i live now and the people who have stayed in my life always, but i just want to give up. i can’t stand my mind anymore