I am 17 M . I am from India.

Life was decent for me till my 10th finished. I got into a engineering class where they focus on teaching us for JEE. In the beginning of the course itself I had told my parents that I am finding the studies difficult. Covid had started spreading by the time my 10th exams were over, so lockdown was announced. The studies were online and I could not keep up with it. There were tests every third Sunday for the topics they taught us between the time of two tests. Like if I have a test this sunday it means that there will be a test 3 Sundays later for whatever they taught between that and the portion they taught us was a lot. Till my 10th I was kind of introvert, I only had only one or two friend with whom I used to talk about everything, and since all these lectures/classes were online I could not even make a friend in the class with whom I could talk to about my academics or stuff. I had really poor scores, something like 40/300 and because of all this intense test schedule, by the time I could understand the mistakes I had made on this one, there was the deadline to study for the next test. All this started taking a toll on me. I started to become frustrated on even the smallest things and would go on to cry for no reasons. I started to avoid going to family functions, preferred to stay indoors, hardly talked to anyone. I would have these feelings that I am worthless and nothing can make my situation any better. At first I had these feelings for a few days in week, but as the months kept passing there was hardly any day without thinking how much of a burden I am on my family. I started having suicidal thoughts where I would think how good it did be if would simply lay down and maybe overdose on some harmful medicine or cut my wrists and that I would not have to deal with all these feelings and pain again. I could hardly look into the mirror without cussing myself for being so useless. Yesterday I could not even feel anything because of all this and all I did was sit staring at a watch and hoping to end it all. I had this little feeling that maybe I should talk to my only friend I had till 10th before trying to kms . He answered the call with so much enthusiasm that I instantly felt a bit better. I started talking to him about all this and he urged me to talk to my parents. So today I tried talking to my mom I honestly have never regretted it so much. Not even as much as going into the JEE course. I told her about how I could not study and that things are not going well for me, her first response was that u have your JEE examinations in a few month and here you are sitting and talking all these crap, you should be happy that u are studying in a good coaching class and how much better u have it than compared to other students. She also said things like how mobiles are ruining the children and how I should study to get better marks. But she didn't say a single thing on how she is there for me even when things are going bad for me or how I could make this situation better for me, then she went on to blame me. Honestly at this point I don't even know what I should do to make my situation. All things are going downhill for me, life ahead just looks straight up blank as I would hardly even manage to secure a cutoff for the next set of exams( If I even make it to the day exam will be there) no hobbies , not good at anything other than self blaming.

If anyone can suggest something to make things better for me then it will be very helpful. And if there is any parent reading this please just tell your kid that no matter what the situation is or how bad the things are, you will always be there to help them and understand them. Good day.