(excuse my english)

so I've (21M) met my friend (23F) 5 years ago on an online game, the first 2 years were completely normal, we didn't talk a lot, (i wasn't clingy yet), by the time we started playing together more than before, after that we started talking so much, too much that I even started only playing when she was connected, I became so fucking clingy but wasn't aware of it, we started sharing some personal stuff, like photos etc, nothing weird.

  
at that time I was like under drugs, I was so happy I finally found a good friend (even if it was an online one), she was the kindest person I've ever met, and still is, the first and only person that understand me. The problem was when she could not play with me or had to help someone else, I got very upset, jealous, depressed and the only thing my brain tells me is that she hates me, but when she message me something, all my dark feelings disappear.

  
2 years ago I noticed how weird and clingy i am, I started trying to cope with all my feelings, tried several times stopping being clingy by talking less to her and playing alone, but nothing changes, I kept being more angry than before every second she was playing but not talking to me. 

  
7 months ago I stopped playing for 8 weeks because of that, and I'VE NEVER FELT MORE HAPPIER, ( even if she was emailing why i disappeared and if i'm doing fine), I was less jealous about the fact that she's playing with others instead of me (even though i had some triggers sometimes but nvm), but I had to play again, and THE PAIN started all over.

  
Now and since April I isolated myself again, I feel OK, a lot better than when I'm playing, but still struggle sometimes with panic attacks (fearing losing her), now I'm planning to play again soon but I'm trying finding a way to play in peace without overwhelming her but have no idea how I can do that, and seing her playing but not talking is the worst thing I can ever imagine.

  
Any advice how I can get over that, even a little, would be appreciated :)  
if you've read all of that, I thank you a lot, and please excuse my English, my mother tongue is French.