I’ve struggled with depression for about fourteen years. I’ve participated in multiple types of therapy with dozens of therapists and I’ve taken various medications, all in a vain attempt to feel less empty. Hell, I even attempted to fix myself by studying psychology. Despite my efforts, nothing has helped. Recently, the line between our innate drive to live and the attractive option to simply give up has begun to blur. Sure, this isn’t the first time I’ve felt suicidal, as I’ve had suicidal ideations for years. However, that small voice in the back of my mind telling me to wait and see if life gets better has become silent. There is nothing holding back from disappearing for good. The worst part is that nobody would notice or care. I have no family or friends. I am truly alone in this world. 

There is still a small piece of me that is too scared to go through with it. I want to be free from these feelings but I feel like I’ve exhausted all options and suicide is the only thing left. I also don’t have the financial freedom to explore unconventional treatment modalities, so I’m stuck with therapy and medications that don’t work. Can anyone offer advice? Am I too far gone to be saved? Can anyone else relate? This emptiness is going to be the death of me.