I commented this on a post of someone with quiet BPD feeling like they didn’t fit in as much with this sub. My comment didn’t get any interaction, but now I’m getting really curious to know how my perspective compares. I’m pasting the comment but will try to edit it accordingly as a post.

First, I want to acknowledge that there’s debate about whether or not quiet BPD is an actual distinct thing or not, but that’s not the topic I’m trying to discuss here. For the sake of the post, if you don’t like the notion of the quiet category, maybe try to consider it a subsection of people who are more prone to acting inward, then. 

Second, my therapist is extremely resistant to officially giving me a BPD dx but I strongly suspect this has more to do with her trying to protect me from stigma within the system. She has diagnosed me with cPTSD and extreme sensitivity and attachment issues. She acknowledges to me in session that my thoughts/behaviors sound very much like BPD and does not correct me when I say things like “my BPD” etc, but has refused to place it as an official diagnosis, so make of that what you will in terms of my authority to speak on anything. 

An aside: Sam vaknin has a GREAT YouTube video that discusses cPTSD and cluster b disorders and the overlap there. Highly recommend.

I have always resonated with the quiet BPD description, however I do occasionally have outbursts of completely insane rage, only in high stress situations where I am unable to flee/isolate. I’ve had maybe like, 6 instances of those with my FP in the past two years (most of them as we were approaching the end of our relationship).

Despite this, I do feel like I can relate to a lot of the posts in the sub still. I feel like the emotional underpinnings are completely the same, it’s just the behaviors that are different. So when I’m reading a post about someone acting out or being rageful or having huge intense fights, I don’t look at the actions, I look at the emotions.

I relate to the circumstances, and how the poster felt, and can draw a parallel between how they act out to how I would feel internally/act towards myself in a similar circumstance. I can relate to the innocuous thing that triggered the feeling of paranoia or hurt or fear (and I relate to these feelings too!), but then the rage against the person who caused them to feel those emotions isn’t something I relate to so much. And I think sometimes the posts don’t say exactly like 1. This thing happened 2. I felt scared/abandoned/hurt 3. Then I got angry and did X. I think sometimes they skip identifying 2 and jump straight to rage, bc that rage is defensive for them so they immediately switch to it to avoid marinading in all the unpleasantness of number 2.

So I see it like this for quiet BPD, steps 1 and 2 are the same, but for step 3, we don’t get uncontrollably enraged at the subject of our triggering moment, we turn it in on ourselves. I hate myself, I’m disgusting, no wonder he’s going to leave bc I’m fucking stupid and should kill myself. He’s perfect and I’m a fool to have ever thought he could love me. Etc etc. We spew the vile hate towards ourselves instead.

Is that something that makes sense to any of you in your experience?

Anyway, not trying to generalize either category (quiet or classic), and I’m clearly not an expert, but wondering what other people think.