For some weird reason, I don't like parties, I hate going to a bar and drinking with my friends. I would always feel on the edge, on the verge of a panic attack, depressed and isolated. The loud music, dim lights and people (I know or don’t know) all together let me go deep inside my dark thoughts. I feel on the edge, I don’t drink afraid of losing control over myself, worried that I might get a panic attack, checking the clock waiting for the time to pass, I don’t want to ruin my friends mood, I don’t want to kill the joy and the laughter, I don’t want to look weird. Then I would see all the pretty girls around me, every single beautiful feature of them, and compare it to me. They look so perfect and I don’t, I need to make more money so that I can hit the gym (gyms is my country are pretty expensive) and once I do that, I'll get a plastic surgery to fix my body...
And it goes on and on and on, until I cry sometimes. I don't think that I have social anxiety, but I was diagnosed with depression, general anxiety and adhd. I just left my friends at the bar, too early because I couldn't enjoy it. I feel bad for them, I love them and I care for them, two of them was worried about me and I feel bad for that. Also, I have to add that I have a hypersensitive ear and loud noise makes me anxious and irritated.