As much as I deny it, I have a problem with alcohol. It used to be worse a couple years ago, I would wake up and start drinking hard liquor, I would sneak liquor in a flask wherever, I’d make weekly, daily trips to the liquor store to happily spend money on it even though every fiber of my being is telling me “NO STOP STOP DONT DO THIS” yet I find myself still walking briskly over to the liquor store. Right now it’s not that bad but I don’t want it to get back to that level. I live with my bf now and I obviously don’t want him to know I drink this much so I sneak little nips (those tiny bottles of hard liquor) here and there so I make sure I don’t go overboard and blackout or embarrass myself. I just need a little of it to feel better. I still feel guilty though because I hate being dishonest. I have a small nip of Hennessy right now in my purse that I shouldn’t have. I don’t know how to explain that I drink because of my emotional pain and when it’s not because of that it’s because of total numbness/excruciating emptiness. I don’t know how to describe it other than having a gaping hole in my chest. I can’t keep doing this. My therapist recently left because she’s opening her new practice that doesn’t take my insurance and my current therapist is a guy that I don’t know and will only see twice a month instead of every week like my last therapist. I just don’t want to spiral out of control again :(