ITs going to be a long and I am dislectic sorry. 

Me male 29. My gf 29. We are 3 years together and living together for 2,5 years.
She moved from another country to me. And we met on vacation we were both travling me backpacking for a year her for week chilling. 

I was diagnosed on 16 with a mix of add/adhd.  I was showing unexceptional behavior, drugs not following rules. And not understanding my own emotions. I did how ever finished my school and have great job. And had some bad friends. I struggled the rest of my live with addiction and forgetting lots of things and not following rules. No excuse I never went to therapy Or seek help. I had many gf for shorter periods because I got bored fast. I always had friends I still have them now. Long term. 

When we started to living together it was super great. But after a few months we started having problems slowly. She world not search for a job not search for friends and except working in the house. She says she just wanted to be a house wife get married get kids. I never accepted and pushed her more to get a job. She was switching jobs all the time and it was not her fault. 

After a while she started calling my friends 4 woman and 4 guys we are a group as long as I can remember. Attention whores and she don’t trust them. Etc. And hating me that I liked there instagram pictures. Always telling me that I am cheating. And making shit up. I tell her it’s in her head and I struggle till this day if I should have had distance with my friends more Or not. 

Me to show my old behavior as well. Forgetting many things in and around the house. Trying to get adrenaline kicks by drugs. Fast driving on the motorcycle. Forgetting about time coming home late. 

She always told me she had a traumatic childhood her parents fight divorce. Long story and other drama”s but never did therapy because she is strong. And special but she suffers from anxiety and need to take her times from everthing. After 4 hours of works shewatched netflix all day. 

She would often complain having headace stomic pain but would not see a doc. When we meet new people Or she meet my family she would say I can read people and dislike most of them. She would not go with me to see them anymore. She never stopped me seeing them but I always having dubbel feeling. I did not care yes I am to blame a lot to.

Me I was only busy in my head and looking for the moment where I feel alive. Shedding I will leave you if you don’t stop. She never left. I never stopped. 

I find it wierd she don’t wanne meet with her old friends or family and says I don’t miss them. And I don’t care I was busy with myself. 

We where on a downwards tornado. She claiming and claiming me escaping and escaping. I wanted to break up but I was a coward. We talked about it break up but we made new rules witch we both did not follow.   I was always blaming her and me. But she always blamed me and only said sorry when I made her. But never felt like a real sorry. 

She wanted to have kids. I know somewhere our lives are fucked so no. She stopped taking the pills. And would not have sex with a condoom I stopped having sex.

All this pushing and pulling pushed the worst out of me . Also my fault no excuse. 
If you wanne judge fine. Started to cheat 2 times only sex. I was full of guild after a while. And confessed.we are on a break but still living together. She don’t wanne leave me and go live at friends house. Or go back to her own country. I am weak I don’t know what I want. She is still sweat and caring Or ignoring me. Pushing and pulling. And I am going with the flow. 


I am on therapy for my add/adhd with meds. 
Doing beter No drugs and almost zero adrenaline kicks. But long way to go. 

She is in therapy for her childhood traumas. She won’t really talk about it. Only that she is going back in time to relive and give them a place she can’t be anxious 24 hours.

She started to see her friends more and found a stable job for 18 hou

When I try to talk about the past. She makes it clear she blames me. Sometimes herself a bit. But only tells me She put to much pressure on me. More she wont say then she gets angry. I blame her and me. 

My friends point out that even my behavior is unacceptable. She is showing since of BPW? 

Maybe somebody can tell me more about there expierence? This is only a small block of information. Feel free to ask for more. It’s hard that my behavior was horrible to.