I'm triggered constantly, and sometimes I can control it sometimes I can't. My bf goes through so much bc of me, I get so mad that I just blow up. Sometimes I feel like he could be more understanding, sometimes I feel like I treat him better than if I were to be off meds. Sometimes I feel like I just am misunderstood by him. I'm always pushing and pulling waiting for a reaction. This isn't fair, I've already threatened breaking up and killing myself. It went terribly and I felt horrible because he was crying and I was crying too. I'm starting school soon and I don't want it to interfere. I feel like I need therapy but I'm so depressed I feel like it'll just be time spent procrastinating and not doing the exercises I learn. I need dbt. I need help. He's the love of my life and I'm just torturing him. He said I'm so mean to him.. what do I do. I feel like I can't even cry and let it out because I'm so exhausted. I feel like I'm driving him away from me. My illness is going to be the death of my relationship. It's going to be the death of me. The one person I actually love, who actually loves me back. The one person...I'm going to completely ruin it. I'm so selfish. I'm so terrible. I feel so alone. I want to die already.