Vent, because I have to get it out of my head somehow. I've been married 15 years. How it's lasted this long is beyond me. I've cheated on him 4 times physically, even more emotionally. My latest fling just ended, and I feel like I lost my soulmate. I hate knowing so much about my BPD and the things I do because of it, and not being able to control my own actions.