I'm 19, male and autistic. I have never had a relationship with anyone, not even a date, i had a few crushes but i'm too shy and socially awkward to act on them, when girls try to flirt or hit on me i miss the signs because my brain doesn't work properly so i accidentaly reject them just to realize what i did a few hours later and get even sadder because i blew another chance, i don't understand how i'm supposed to find a romantic partner but i really want one, i also don't think i would make a good partner. My sex drive is high, every slight mention of anything sex related gives me a semi, i really want to lose my virginity but the idea of being that intimate with another person is terrifying to me, i would have to break so many social boundaries to let anyone get so close to me and i wouldn't be comfortable breaking those boundaries for another person either. I stopped trying to talk about this with people close to me because no one understand, i just wish i didn't have to deal with all these urges i'll never be able to fulfill, i hate my life.