Hi 👋.  New to the BPD diagnosis, been a journey and just been dealing with a lot. 

Long story short I had a health relationship with one of my best friends but it has gone down hill. I opened up about some sexual trauma which made me suicidal. They tried to help but I wasn’t really to talk to a professional just have had bad experiences with them.  Eventually they need to take a step back and told me over text but I saw that as them leaving. I saw them and then kind of exploded saying things like are we still friends, what did I do wrong, are you okay, how do I fix this, do I need to leave?   A week later they texted me saying they just want to be classmates. 

Since then we only interacted in group settings.  Then last night we were at our team volleyball game and the rest of the team was driving home.   We live across from each other so we started walking but As soon as they left she got on her phone. And I could tell by her body language she didn’t want me to talk to her so I eventually dropped back and called another friend.   But man that was so painful to see. We use to walk together everywhere, use to always be talking and texting. And it’s clear that she hates me.  I been trying to have hope that if I respect her boundary we could be friends again but last night was like a knife in my heart.  I’ve been working with therapist And i am already getting a better control on things like last night I wanted to explode but didn’t. So that was huge.  

But just to see how broken our relationship is makes me so hopeless and so sad. 

Is there any hope, perhaps if I keep showing her I respect her boundaries?

This is making me wish I was dead.