I feel like I am faking and it's making me so frustrated. I feel invalid. Like I want to be like this. And I know everyone will think the same if I tell them what it's really going on in my mind. How can anyone validate me if I can't do that myself? I want someone else to tell me that I am not ok cause if it just comes from me it feels fake and untrue. My mom always told me I don't know how I really feel or what I want and she knows best. Maybe that's why. But I just want to know what it's going on. I need someone to believe me and be there for me. I want someone to take my problems instead of dumping theirs on me. I want to be validated and I am not. I will never be. I know therapy won't work because I will never trust my thoughts and feelings. I will never be sure how I feel and I will always feel like a faker. Even if they tell me that I am not. Which I know wont happen. The last one never told me if something is wrong. Never gave me a diagnosis. So I must be fine right? But why do I feel like this? Do I want it? I feel exhausted. I can't even say how I feel properly. I can't describe it and when I say it out loud it seems like a lie. So I never say it. I am also afraid that they will tell me that what I feel is not important or unusual. That everyone feels like this. But I don't  want to hear this. If I am ok it also means that I have to do a bunch of things that I don't want to. Like have a job or family and friends. Like having hobbies or living in general. I can't be objective with myself and I try to be because I want to be truthful but I end up lying because I downplay my symptoms because I think I lie and that they ALSO think I lie. I don't know what to do but obviously therapy is not the answer due to the above. I tried that before.