Yesterday, while I stood infront of the mirror , I stopped and looked at myself, as usual, I couldn’t see anything leave alone relate to the person infront. But something happened this time, I remembered the last time I saw the person in the mirror and felt satisfied with my looks, hopeful about my dreams, nervous about my pursuits and funny about my past. I realised in that quick moment, how far and how deep, depression had pulled me without me even recognising who I used to be. That courageous idiot who loved laughing at everything life threw it’s way, a bit of too much into himself heartthrob, who knew his game around girls but still learning, a focussed individual who wanted to win in every office tasks and goal. Now, its only the essence of it which has left, some portion of these things which don’t help me be the me but just be ever present to make me realise what I had and now don’t. Constant chatter in the mind, racing thoughts, the wreckage in the plumbing system is trying it’s best to drown the whole house. World used to be grey always to me as in I always felt things rather than just see. Nothing is black or white. Except that now,nothing is anything. Even the rains make me feel “meh” for the luxury of 10 seconds until my mind jumps to another useless train of thought which would eventually end up going down the nowhere land. Even sex and girls are now not interesting. My mind is hardly able to stop and think about how great that person is looking. Once in a while, if it does, it feels like I’m standing 100miles away from her. 


While, I know , things will get better and I will bear the scars of victory soon, I just hope the scars will be worthwhile this endurance of what I can only refer to as the feeling of being an invisible ghost.