I feel like I’m so very awkward when being with boys. I’ve experienced a lot of traumatic events with boys as in making me feel not worth loving for me as in who I am and not what’s in my pants.I’ve realized that I feel more drawn to ppl who literally fuck my shit over jk I just think everything is everyone’s fault when it’s literally me putting myself in these situations lolololanywayz. When I finally find a good guy who clearly shows interest in me I tend to get awkward and not know how to express vulnerable emotions or expressions. Like it’s rlly hard for me to baby talk to boys or receive it w out being AWKWARD. I’ve came to conclusion I’m very emotionally unavailable.. buT IM so very emotional within. It’s hard to feel things but when I do it’s always 100x harder and it’s always w negative emotions never like omg I’m so in love I’m addicted I want him I want him it’s like ew that gave me ick never seeing him again ew why would he do that . So i tend to split more on the negative side :’/ I just hate that I’m so awkward bc I over think every little action that goes by. I just feel like I can never get attached to someone and I need help being able to do things that matter in a relationship. Like baby talk , compliments, being vulnerable , accepting love everything I feel so helpless.