Just had a long talk with my husband and realized that he has been troubled since we got married. I have bpd and I have trouble emoting and there are sudden emotional outbursts. Yes, I tried to kill myself  four years back and he witnessed it. Past two years I have been on medication and therapy. And I truly thought I was changing. But as per him, the change has hardly been anything while for me it has been huge. Apparently his friends have told him that I would realize what a great guy he is and he has even dreamt of killing himself because of me. Recently I found out my parents don't care about my mental health and they don't want to even talk to me regarding it even though I have told them about it. He is so frustrated and sad. He says he wants happier times with me but I don't think I can give him that. My birthday is coming in 3 weeks and I'm planning to end my life then. I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I don't want anyone to suffer because of me. I don't think anyone can manage me and my bpd. I'm just tired trying to convince that while my changes are small for them, it is huge for me. It is just tiring my head. My head feels like exploding. And I tried communicating with him about what I felt regarding a friend of his, instead it looked like I'm the one who has to just accept things and it's my issue. I just don't feel my feelings are valid. Just feel invisible. So it's better to be permanently invisible.