25M. I'm tired and exhausted of all these pills. I tried everything under the sun. Only benzos help me stay at least functional enough to go for a walk. I talk to myself, don't hear voices but have constant rehearsals of my traumatic past, 0 friends, bad family relationships, dropout, past drug abuse. When I was prescribed Zoloft I planned my suicide and was completely ready to do it. I have quit the Zoloft, but the suicide option has remained. I don't know, I acquired the means to do it, the only reason I have not done it yet is putting the shame on my family. I only wanted one thing in this fucking life — being fucking decent, normal, human fucking being. And destiny, or God, or whatever there is decided to give me - guess what - BPD. I wish I had schizophrenia or cancer rather.