Ive just been in the bathroom at home cutting my knees with a razor. I was scraping the razor over my knees again and again.

I feel emotionally numb. I feel like I deserve to be punished for the hell I put my friends through. I was angry at one of my friends, so angry and I didnt know what to do.

I got home after my anger subsided and I just felt nothing. I hate myself so much. I hate that I put my friends through this. I hate that I dont feel like its right for me to be happy. I feel like a fraud. I cant make these feelings stop. I hate them so much. I just want to be happy and normal without any doubt.

My knees just wont stop bleeding. Its scary but satisfying.