Things had been rocky for a while between us. In the past 14 months she has (with supervision from a psychiatrist) diagnosed me with BPD, seasonal depression/depression and reopened my eating disorder diagnosis. The last two came in the past three months. Sprinkled in I got comments such as 'just wait until you reach menopause, then you can starve yourself and still get fat', 'covering your hair kind of makes you a bad mother' (I'm Muslim). 

These comments were harmful and when I tried to mention them after calming down by the next appointment, she just changed the subject. This led me to not opening up so much in the last few meetings. I knew the one on Friday was our last and just wanted it over with.

What I got was 45 minutes of being told my only problem is that I lack motivation to get a job. I'm actively looking for work, doing two degrees from home and a single mother without family around me as support. So I tried to tell her this without getting upset. She said I just didn't try hard enough, 'what will your son think, growing up watching his mother doing nothing', 'you're a burden on this country', 'if you have any serious symptoms you can ask to be referred back to me but I think it's better you just speak to a regular doctor because you're taking up the time of someone who needs help', 'you're not even on medication so you don't need to be here'.

I left in shock. That was Friday. I'm still struggling to come to terms with it today. Friends and family say I should write a formal complaint. I left feeling like I'm seen as less than human by her, just because I don't have a job. Like I'm only worth something if I am working. I don't think I deserved to be spoken to like that, but I feel mentally beaten up. She hit all my weak spots.

On top of that I'm dealing with sexual assault that happened over the Christmas period. 

I'll feel guilty if I write a complaint against her. I feel guilty for all the things she said. She was supposed to be someone I could trust. The one thing she taught me applies: people will think whatever they want of you. It isn't really providing any comfort though.

I'm hoping that getting it out will help relieve some of the stress from it all. 