I’m 43 years old, female, and have had, looking back, anxiety for my entire life. Grew up in a time and age where mental health was just never mentioned, or looked at, so I basically struggled through life, feeling ashamed all the time because of those struggles and believing I was the only person on this planet who fucked up so much in life. I forced myself to constantly proof the world I was okay, which, now that I have been diagnosed, was actually extremely tiresome and I’m amazed I managed to survive for so long.

Seven years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer (I’m in remission!), which spiked my anxiety, both SA and GAD. Ever since then I have been seeing several therapists. None ever even remotely considered me having SA and GAD. In 2018 they did diagnose me with depression, for which I got medication and therapy, but it never focused on the anxiety, which resulted in me shutting down and putting on a face, because apparently there was nothing wrong with me, not even the depression felt real.

Three weeks ago, after my last therapist told me she couldn’t really help me and referred me to a new, more specialized therapist (waiting list 6+ months), I had my intake. Was super nervous and anxious, scared to be told the same thing: nothing wrong with you, get a life etc…But last week she told me I have SA and GAD, she explained to me why and was really gentle about it. And ever since, my anxiety went through the roof. Doubting her, myself etc…Went to see her again today and she again gently explained things to me, comforted me etc…and all I want to do is cry and go somewhere where I don’t have to do anything anymore, can just calm and quiet my head for a while and just be. 

I’m SO tired. Been fighting basically my entire life, blaming myself, and it turns out that it’s not (still does feel that way). 
I’ve joined this sub and the SA one and read all your stories and I’m overwhelmed by everything, because there are more people like me! 

Anyway, really wanted to get it off my chest, and hope this is the right place to do so. Want to express btw that English isn’t my first language, so if sentences and words are a bit off: this is why,hope that’s okay and not too distracting.