I am going to start looking for a job today and I'm so scared. I haven't worked in a year and a half, just going to school, and I just feel paralyzed and so afraid. I can't afford to not find a job, I literally have rent due in 3 weeks that idek how I'm going to be able to afford if I don't find a job asap. 

On top of this I am so lonely it's killing me. The friends I do have are on opposite time zones and I can barely talk to them, and I want a relationship so badly but it's so hard for me to find someone I'm attracted to and interested in. I haven't been on a date in 2 years and I'm scared to try again, especially because my gender identity feels so confusing right now.

Today just feels so hard. I'm working to better myself with a good diet, exercise, personal hobbies... and times like these just make me feel like none of it matter. I feel so empty