This goddamn snake of a disorder has been tormenting me and my FP for months, and last night it weaselled its way into manufactured consent for emotional fuckery in such a horrid way that I depersonalised all the way around to being **done** with it. And I feel like I split on my BPD itself, if that makes sense? Like, crystal clear, pure undistilled anger, calmly looking at my BPD and verbally unloading on it for a good hour. Telling it all about why it's worthless and insignificant and horrible for me and how it's always been evil and I never should have listened to it or let it into my body. 

I feel really relieved. Much more clear-headed than ever. Prayer circle for this to stick. I never want to harm my FP again... I love her so much and she deserves to be safe.