Hi sorry this is going to have a long explanation to begin with to try to give the full picture. 

I (30f) started seeing a guy nearly two years ago. We were friends to begin with but didn't know each other so well. One day he confessed he'd had a crush on me for a while. He also told me that he currently had a long term relationship that was more or less over and he was waiting for the right time to end it.

He wanted to to hang out so we did. We ended up getting drunk and slept together. Please don't think I'm terrible for this. I'm a very insecure idiot who believes no-one can love her or want her and felt like this guy might be my only chance at love. 

We started seeing each other regularly and it was great. For me this was all under the assumption he was going to end things with her. 

Aside from being a romantic partner, he quickly became my FP too, unsurprisingly. His opinion on anything and everything became dogma to me, I trusted his judgement implicitly on everything and he was perfect and flawless. 

A few months passed and things were good. Then one day i went over to his place, and everything was different. His demeanor and attitude to me was markedly different: cold, aloof, kind of angry. None of the kind and sweet guy I was enjoying my time with at all. 

The next day I asked him what was wrong and he told me "nothing I was just tired" or something to that effect. But it was obviously not true and there was definitely a problem. 

I kept prying at it for weeks, months, and he got progressively shittier toward me about it, saying that I was being crazy, nothing was wrong, I'm imagining things etc. This went on for months until eventually he cracked and told me that it was because, on that day when everything changed, he had seen his gf, who by this point I assumed was his ex, but he had decided upon seeing her he wanted to try to work things out with her. 

I was obviously devastated and felt like a real piece of shit. Maybe I am idk, I never knew her, I Don't even know what she looks like. But he was my FP, so I accepted it and started making big efforts inside myself to "just be friends" with him, because really the FP side mattered a lot more to me than the sex/romance anyway. 

Unfortunately it didn't quite work like that and we kept sleeping with each other. But he would always leave immediately after sex, never stay after or show me any affection and slowly distanced himself over a series of months. 

During this time, a new girl entered our social circle and i quickly became really close friends with her which was great cause I suck at making female friends. 

But this summer '19 came round and there became issues. At this point the romantic side of my relationship with FP had totally ended, sex and all which I was very sad about but accepted because after all he's my FP and that's what really mattered. But then I found out he and the girl I mentioned above started spending a lot of time alone together secretly, intentionally hiding it from me. 

I found out and obviously I blew up at them both, cut them off entirely. He drove over to find me and talk me down, telling me there wasn't anything going on with her and that it was a bad idea, they both apologised to me, realised how they had hurt me etc and felt terrible. 

I accepted their apologies and apologised myself for blowing up. I apologised to the rest of our friend group for misrepresenting their behaviour. 

They both started getting gradually more distant. She told our whole friend group thst she was going offline for a few weeks to work on her exams and university work. I sent her infrequent messages wishing her well, cheering her on, telling her we all believe in her and just trying to be encouraging and supportive. 

But I found out the two of them were doing exactly the same thing again and that she had lied and hidden this from us all behind the premise of doing her coursework. 


I swallowed it down, really hard, because they both matter so much to me. He is my FP and she had become a kind of half FP too in a weird way.  I didn't want to lose them. I was giving them both a lot of space and, agonisingly, hadn't sent him any messages in over two weeks, to give him space to recover from how demanding and needy I am. 

By this point I knew that they knew that I knew (lol), but to show them that I was swallowing it down and just wanted to stay close to them I got them both some cute but inexpensive christmas gifts. 

Neither of them acknowledged rdceipt or even thanked me for the gifts. I messaged FP a few days after delivery just to make sure he actually received it and he said "yes. It was a surprise." (no thankyou or any sign of friendly gratitude). I swallowed this too and said "I know its not much, hope you liked it though!" no reply. 


Days passed and I messaged him asking if he could make time to talk to me. His response was that he was too busy gaming. 

I snapped and completely cut both Him and her off. I told him that I really tried and that I don't understand why he couldn't just be friendly or warm to me anymore. I didn't say anything to her at all. I blocked them both on every platform. Neither of them have reached out to me at all at this point. 

I still adore him, he is still my FP but it has been weeks since then and not a word or any effort or reaching out from him at all and I am really, really struggling to carry on. 

 But I also think their behaviour was really shitty and that i should not be the one to reach out to try to fix things (which I have already been like x10 times after I have been splitting when he has hurt me before). 

Was I right to cut him off? Am I just a terrible pos? 







Tldr: closest female friend started hanging out with FP intentionally behind my back, they both ignored my Christmas presents to them without any sign of basic gratitude or even acknowledgement and I totally severed Contact with them both.  Did I do the right thing?