 
Hello all, as the title states, I am worried I have depression. I am &gt;20 so maybe I could attribute this to a phase but I just want to make sure because I want to get rid of this as soon as possible. If I have to I will get a medical diagnosis but for now I have settled with asking this subreddit. Please don't ridicule me as its not that I'm taking a regular thing out of proportion to pretend to be the sad boy archetype. I want to do something about this before it could potentially affect me seriously.

Recently I've felt insecure about my self and more specifically my looks and height due to me being constantly compared to my younger brother growing taller than me, which isn't helped by the fact that I am constantly reminded of it, from my family especially. My brother and my sister are aware of my insecurity and I've even cried when explaining myself but when everything is done, I still feel the same. I initially didn't have a problem with my brother growing taller than me, but the way family and friends point it out and accidentally demean me to compliment my brother has left me feeling insecure and moody. I have never been in a state like this before in a while. When I am alone, I feel sad and I feel like during those times, I'm holding back tears. When I'm with people (friends and family) or listening to music or playing games or watching videos, those feelings vanish for the most part but when I'm left to myself, they come back as if nothing changed. 

 It's been a while since I've made new friends to talk to, but I think the reason why those insecurities hurt so much is because of a need for a friend or partner to talk to and hang out with outside of my immediate family, and also a need of acceptance that I am good enough regarding my height or my looks.

 Also, a while ago, my mother passed away when I was 10. I went through things after (I don't really like to use the word trauma), constantly having nightmares but I felt at least that eventually I had healed. My father had suggested therapy throughout the years before but I turned them down as I felt that I had to some degree healed and accepted her death. Maybe it could be that there are unfinished problems I've yet to face that are coming back now? I don't know. Please take this with a grain of salt but I think that my father told me once that my mother had depression.