Hello

I need help.

My  boyfriend and I have been together for 4 (ish) months. We have known  each other for over a year and I have fancied him since I first met him,  but only got together in May/June of this year.

I  am seriously concerned that our relationship has not got off to the  right foot when you take into account our positions and mental health,  and I need advice and education on how I can try to make it better as I  really do not want to give up on him and our relationship.

**Some important info:**

\-  My boyfriend has BPD (I also think he may be mildly autistic... My  brother, who I was a carer for, is autistic and they share a lot of  similarities). His childhood was very traumatic.

\-  I have depression, anxiety and I am massively codependant/a people  pleaser and fixer (grew up with an alocholic mother with a pretty  traumatic childhood).

\- My  boyfriend and I work VERY closely together. I am his boss and he is one  of my best employees (I will be leaving my current position soon so  won't be his boss, but I will still work for the company as my dad owns  it!!)

\- Our job (running music festivals/events) is very demanding, physically and mentally exhausting.

To  put it lightly, the last few weeks of our personal lives have been  hell. We have been on the road for months and putting in stupid hours,  essentially living in each others pockets and spent the best part of  everyday together since we got into a relationship (which is unhealthy  for anybody), we are both completely burnt out. Although I knew that he  had BPD before getting into a relationship, I am concerned I have not  put in any boundaries and I deal with his episodes completely wrong, but  I am not educated enough on how to deal with them.

I  feel like I am his emotional punching bag. Everytime he calls me, I am  on edge about whether it is going to be a good conversation or one where  something is wrong. Whilst I so wish I was someone who could just go  with it, be there to listen and not take things personally, I take it  all personally because 1. it either has something to do with work/my dad  that he's making up (like my dad tricking him into working more hours  because he's dating me etc) or 2. I can't fix it or make it better for  him. This causes us both to be triggered because whilst he just wants  someone to listen and to hear what goes on in his head, I am sat there  beating myself up because  I am not good enough to take it all away for  him.

I am getting much better at  starting to listen and be there for him but I can't help but feel  completely exhausted all the time, and when he brings my family or  something I do into it, I lose it completely and it makes things so much  worse. If I speak up about the fact that I don't think my dad is doing  this to him or I haven't done anything, I don't love him because I won't  listen to what is going on in his head. He constantly tells me he  finally feels comfortable enough to express it with someone (me) but it  is hurting me.

On top of this, he  calls me fat all the time and is very open about when he thinks I look  ugly, and he does continure to do this even when I tell him it hurts my  feelings. He also tells me a lot of the time that he is falling out of  love with me and we need to work on it to make it better, which  terrifies me all the time.

He has  not got any medication and isn't in therapy. I have told him this needs  to happen after a recent episode today, else I will really need to  consider being with him in the future. Everyone always tells me how  amazing he is and how lucky I am to have him, but I just don't feel like  they understand how hard it can be. No one knows how much he actually  struggles with his mental health.

This  relationship is not healthy and writing this out I can see it more than  ever but I need to know, and want to be educated if so, if I can make  it better and put boundaries in. I know my boyfriend is a good person, I  am besotted by him, and I really really do love him. We have some down  time from work, and are spending some time away from one another - I am  willing to put in the work but I just don't even know where to start.

Please, any advice would be so greatly recieved.

Thank you