AND I'M SCARED! :(

Yet I feel like I can't stop it. I've never felt this horrible before. I've never felt this constant urge to completely isolate myself. I've never felt a urge that strong to constantly be on drugs. I feel hopeless.

PLEASE don't give me any advice. I've read it all. I've heard it all. 

I've been in therapy for 11 years.

I've tried SO HARD to be healthy. 

I'm gonna hit rock bottom soon, I think.