Recently I moved from the east coast to the west coast, took a break from school, and had hope for this new time in my life.

But now I wake up crying everyday, struggle finding a job, lost my friends and left with none, and can’t get out of bed. I’ve reached out to a few, but they just ignore me for days. So I’m realizing at this point i’m a burden to most and need to just be silent and keep sleeping. I wonder now how it would feel to just sleep and never wake up, and it sounds nice at the moment. It sounds like it would be easier for everyone if I just left. It’s gotten to the point where I only eat when I feel I deserve it, which is once a day or nothing. Honestly, I’m lost right now because I have no way of getting my ADHD meds, and therapy because of the prices being $300+ and I don’t want my parents paying for that. 

I have no idea why I am writing this, but after spending days like this and pretending to be happy… I feel like I can’t do it anymore. I’m giving it a week, but at this point I don’t expect anyone to care or reach out anymore. I get my friends may be busy but when I reach out or make jokes they just ignore me. I’m officially alone and feel like i’m already dead, so why not go through with it.