When someone sees me for the first time,  they all think there's something wrong with me.  I am a 22 year old boy, studying computer engineering in college.  Living in Iran. I live with my parents and I have no job.  I don't go outside.  I just stay home.
I have few friends.  I'm afraid to communicate. .....

My family and friends and relatives all make fun of me. They believe something is wrong with me.

When I was 5, in kindergarten, a boy beat me up. I told my dad. He shouted at me for getting into trouble. The reason I got beaten up was because that boy was beating someone else up, I tried to help him.
When I was in primary school,  I was always bullied because I did good in school. I told my parents and they said you are a man now. Don't complain. 
When I decided to learn English, my father always told me that he is better than me in English and I've got a long way to go.
When I decided to do karate, he would always laugh when he saw me in my outfit. 
I gave both of them up.
When I wanted to go and play with my friends,  my parents always said you study now,  when you go to college,  you're free to do whatever you want.  Just study these couple of years.  The rest of your life would be easy. 
In junior high, I was always getting beat up and threatened for not cheating with others. 
I remember crying in my mom's car,  till this day she laughs about that day. 
My parents never let me go anywhere alone. If I needed to be somewhere like school,  they would take me with their car. Everyone made fun of me because of that. Even my parents. But I didn't choose this.  
I decided to train for parkour, I told my dad to see me do this move called "monkey". He told me that I look more like a donkey.  I laughed at first. It was funny. But saying that every day.....  I quit parkour.
Then I was in high school,  studying hard. To the point that I was studying from 7:30 am to 9 pm every day for 4 months. I didn't hang out with friends (if I even had one), I didn't even have a phone.  My parents always told me, "after you get into college"

I got in college. The best college in my country actually. But my major..... My father chose my major.  I told him I don't like computer engineering.  He said everybody's studying computer engineering. I said what if I don't like it? He said you can choose what you want, but if you don't like that too and can't find a job in future, remember this day. I said what if the same thing happens if I study computer engineering? He said I didn't force you to pick computer engineering. 

I picked computer engineering. I hate it. 

I'm a super skinny guy.  I decided to start exercising. I've gained 15 kilos ever since. My dad tells me I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. 
I started reading books. He says if you put this effort in your college,  you wouldn't be like this. 

I actually had job offers before I went into college.  My dad didn't let me accept them. Now he denies that he didn't let me. 

Here I am
No friends
No social life
No future
No life
No love
Not a single second of happiness
Living in the worst country in the world. Alone.

Everybody believes I destroyed my life. 
Maybe it's true. I'm just a complainer. I chose my path. Nobody got anything to do with it. It's me.


I wrote a lot, but these are only a fraction of my life. Of what has happened over the last 22 years. 
Is this a cry for help? 
I don't know what I'm doing anymore.