 I went full rage mode today, and the incident that set me off only occurred a few hours ago, yet the feelings that completely overwhelmed and consumed me are already hard to recall. Luckily I managed to jot my thoughts down to post the rage online as desperately needed an outlet, having no one to confide in personally. Instead I'm turning this into an opportunity to ask people here who have experience in overcoming BPD to kindly advice me on how I can combat the feelings and thoughts that sent me spiraling into rage mode so that it doesn't happen again. Is there something I should tell myself or something I can do?

Here is how the whole thing went down and why I felt rage:

&gt; I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD and am in the process of trialing medication. My next appointment with my Psych is over 2 weeks away. The medication works, but it's giving me extremely high blood pressure whenever I get triggered by something, so I get severe anxiety and panic attacks.
&gt; 
&gt; I visited my GP today hoping to get some help with the anxiety that the medication is giving me, but instead I was promptly dismissed. She took my blood pressure reading and found it was normal. Two problems here, she didn't even bother to ask if I was currently on the medication, I was not, it ran out, and checking the blood pressure for someone who complains about anxiety at a time when they are not feeling anxious is full-blown retarded. After this she very confidently rejected the idea that it my medication was causing me these **new anxiety symptoms** on the basis that I have a history of depression and anxiety. She concluded the only solution for me would be to try counselling again, which I explained to her I had already registered for and am on an endless wait list. She said I should just wait for it. I then asked if there was anything she could give me to lower my blood pressure, but she said no and reminded me that my BP reading was normal. She also went on to talk to me about work and how getting back into work could be beneficial for me. Totally not a patronizing thing to say, I definitely did not consider working before, such an eye-opening bit of wisdom there, I feel cured already.
&gt; 
&gt; So let me get this straight, a doctor who understands that their patient is having a crisis and suffering from panic attacks decided it would be best for them to just wait over 2 weeks in that state. Her suggestion for someone suffering and dealing with a volatile condition to get back into work is so revealing of her disconnect and lack of empathy as a professional in a position of care. This is not the first time she's neglected her duties. When I had to visit my doctors for a severe skin rash I had, I was seen by a junior doctor who had to consult this doctor for advice. They both looked horrified by it, which lead me to believe the main doctor acknowledged it was serious. After examining it for a few seconds, the main doctor concluded that there's nothing they can do to treat it and I should just wait it out. So in both cases, instead of being a doctor who engaged with their patient and try to think of relevant solutions, she did whatever she could to reduce her own burden of responsibility, making her job easier on herself at the expense of her patient, fucking pathetic.
&gt; 
&gt; I seriously wanted to unleash all the rage I've been holding back over the years and wreck her life there and then. Leave her in a state where she can find out first-hand what it's like to have a chronic mental illness. Then she'll know what it's like for someone to use all their energy and hope they have left to be an advocate for their own health only to have their attempts shot down by shit healthcare providers. I'd feel completely justified in doing so, not only would it teach her an invaluable lesson, but I would have done humanity a favor by punishing, exposing and weeding out an asshole who used their position of trust to be negligent. A person genuinely passionate about helping improve the health of others would not be this careless, medicine must have been a role she weaseled herself into for the money alone.
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&gt; Of course I was so caught off-guard by such awful treatment that my mind became a clutter and the only thing I could feel was dread from the immediate and decisive conclusion that despite my efforts I will not receive help. Realizing that no matter what I say, it won't make a difference since I'm dealing with a person who cannot empathize for their patients suffering. This realization of powerlessness made me feel angry. I left that space before I could give myself any chance to explode. It's all fun and games for these people taking me for a ride, until one day I lose what little ability I have left to control myself and tear them apart. In the end, it will be their fault as they've constantly been undermining me and denying me my illness so I can't even get the help I'm desperately trying to get to prevent harming others. 

Even though the intensity of my feelings have gone down, I still know in my heart and mind that I have been treated horribly. It's commonplace for me to run into these sorts of experiences. These are the reoccurring patterns: 

* People taking advantage of their position of authority to undermine me
* Being made to feel like someone who is dishonest or over-exaggerating
* Doing copious amounts of research only to be dismissed within a few seconds
* People not fulfilling their duty
* Becoming so overwhelmed in response to the immediate apathy I receive that I shut down and am unable to articulate a response. I know for certain that person is wrong, but I cannot at all put it into words at the time. It's only the next day when I think of all these clever ways to articulate concisely why I have been wronged. It's an impossible situation. I'm trying to get help so I help myself get help better, but the people I go to for help end up make me feel worse.

It's always these same features that make me explode inside. I don't want this post to just be a vent, I want help from you people because I know you've also been having the same struggles, so maybe you've found a way to adapt, a useful way to think that appeals to our kind so that we don't explode and ruminate and live a life too emotionally paralyzed to do anything. Maybe if I'm lucky there's some method to formulate a response so your basic needs aren't denied.   