I am a survivor of abuse at the hands of a likely bpd mother,  but i have also had really wonderful friendships with people who have bpd and i asked why not just ban abusers and victim blaming behavior on the sub and i got banned for BPD like behavior?  I do not have bpd. I just know not everyone is a fucking monster and thinking that way blindly hurts way more people than it helps. 

I am looking for perspective from yall.  My mom is SUPER emotional outwardly and splits on anyone close to her who suggests she is acting inappropriately or directing anger at people who don't deserve it.  She is going to therapy but is pushing me hard through my dad (we are no contact right now for the safety of my heart) and like i want her to be accountable for the horrible things she has done to me and i don't want her to fall into,  well I am the worst person ever obviously so now you have to reassure me i am not a bad person or i will collapse into depression. Do any of you empathize with where she is at, and have any tips to help her come to a place where she can own what she's done and repair the damage without feeling victimized or like i am punishing her by asking to be treated with empathy and respect? 
She has some wicked trauma and i want to be empathetic to her but it is so hard to trust her and repeatedly get treated like an inanimate extension of her own chaotic self. What can i do to make this less terrible?