26F here and I’m in a very bad depressive episode with tons of anxiety. I have an anxiety disorder and I get very depressed after prolonged periods of chronic anxiety.  Yes, I am on medication prescribed by a psychiatrist (who I’ve seen for the last 10 years) and yes, I go to therapy (weekly). Unfortunately, I am in the stage of trying to find a good med cocktail. Anyways, this episode feels like my worst, as they all do, but I am struggling with zero self-esteem and thinking about death…often. I don’t remember having such hopeless feelings in the past with zero motivation to persevere. I am currently unemployed due to my mental state and also because of a toxic work environment. I was at this job for 3 years and the last 1.5 years is when it got bad. My plan is to look for a job when I am stable again and able to function properly but again, I don’t have much hope for that.

Also, I will probably be starting an IOP soon (this will be my first time) and I have a lot of emotions about it but I do think it could help a lot. I want to add I have a lot of support between my boyfriend of 5 years, my immediate family, and friends. I know I have so much to be grateful for but it just doesn’t matter to my depression.

If anyone has any encouragement or inspiration for me and/or has attended an IOP, I would really appreciate your comments as I feel so alone with my thoughts and feelings.

TIA 😞