I lost fifty pounds in quarantine, and had my first year without suicidal thoughts! I'm very confident in myself for the first time ever. I'm great socially, I'm very intelligent, and I'm physically fit. 

Girls look *extremely* interested after a single conversation with me and it makes me feel good. So why do I get unexplained impulses to do things that make them leave?

They told me being "happy with myself" would fill the gaping hole in my chest. They said it would stop the relentless torture. They lied.