hello ! so i’m 22yo, and i’ve been diagnosed with BPD 4 years ago. i’m slowly learning to live with it. like everyone with this pathology i have awesome ups and terrible downs. i used to be in a relationship for 2 year and the guy wasn’t very cool with me being different so he asked me to hide my trouble from him. i stupidly did it for « love » and it somehow got worse. today it’s different. i have been with my BF for almost a year now and at the beginning i was still trying to hide my BPD. but finally it was too overwhelming, i confessed and he kinda already figured it out by himself. when we started dating i was kinda ok but then i was stuck in a very bad relationship with my parents. it made my life and my trouble literally HELL. and i started to have regular crisis and violent episodes (outbursts of rage, endless crying, the typical « I hate me and I want to die » thing, drinking too much...and much more). but somehow it got worse cuz yeah my abusive toxic parents kicked me out of my house. we always had a love/hate relationship for yeaaars. but now...i feel free AND desperate at the same time. my bpd got soooo much worse after that. it’s been almost two weeks. i cut in front of my BF, said i deserved to die so much, cried and yelled a lot, asked him to kill me, didn’t accept to be touched for a while, drank so fucking much i was a mess and lately i climbed a window. i didn’t wanted to kill myself. i just wanted someone to care cuz my parents left a big hole in my heart and i have so much pain and hatred stuck in me.
bad point ? my BF seems so done and tired with my bullshit. really he seems exhausted. he always says that he doesn’t know what to do anymore. that he’s lost. that he doesn’t know what to say no more. he asked if he had to call emergencies services. i don’t want to. i’m usually pretty stable and under control but the psychological chock i just experienced makes everything difficult. i don’t really wanna die. i have plenty of projects for my future and all...
but i don’t wanna loose my BF. he’s really good to me and listens to me a lot. he’s the best relationship i ever had. i cherish it. i cherish him. 
also i’m seing a therapist and i’m medicated so i’m aware of my condition. 
but do my fellow BPD gurls and boys have some advices to save my couple or at least ease things for a while ? any tricks so i could deal with the outbursts of rage a little better ? what can i do ? i really think my relationship can work and i refuse to give up.
please help me !