I have the worst abandonment issues.  They are so debilitating, and draining.  Constantly stressing about where OH is,  how long he’s gonna be. The longer he takes the worst it gets, till I get to a point where I just can’t function at all until he returns.

While I know this is on me, I know it’s not his fault I’m like this, the longer he takes and the more often he goes out,  the more I end up in disarray wanting to kick him out because his absence causes me so much pain. As much as I love him and want to make things work,  I’m so drained. It hurts. I can’t keep living with these feelings.

Of course,  he doesn’t see it my way. The more I bring it up the longer he stays out, and the more upset I get,  so it’s just a vicious cycle.   It frustrates him that my mental happiness relies on him and his actions. He feels like I’m using my mental health as a way of controlling him, when all I wanna do is be with him.

I’m such a mess,  with no clue how to handle this