i want the pain to be over.

If you know what I mean, “I want the pain to be over.”


I have a boyfriend of 5 years. We’re supposedly going 6 years next week. Last night he asked if he could go to a party with this friends and a girl that I was uncomfortable with was also going. I clearly said that I wasn’t comfortable with it. He then decided to just stay home like I forced him to stay him. He was clearly in a bad mood just because I didn’t want him to go.

He didn’t tell his friends that he wasn’t going. His friends and him even planned on it through text so I wouldn’t be able to see their conversation. Later on that night, he suddenly told me that he was going. Fully decided — wasn’t even asking me. I was confused, like my feelings just dont matter? I just thought maybe I’m supposed to be a priority. I just can’t believe that he was really fine going out knowing we’re not okay and I was uncomfortable with it. I then saw ig stories and he had a lot of fun.

Dont get me wrong, outside of this he’s been a best friend &amp; partner but he’s cheated on me four times — I still accepted him back. It’s just like every year something happens and then he makes up for it and then screws up again.

I thought of breaking up but I’m so scared. I feel so abandoned &amp; betrayed and it hurts too much. 
I have this crazy thoughts of “ending the pain”. I could really get some help from all of u.