I recently got out of a relationship with someone who has most traits of BPD / NPD. My (ex) partner had admitted to abandonment issues, toxic behaviors, and said that I've taught them a lot about love during our time together.

I had very little knowledge of BPD until our relationship ended. (Now I've been reading up on it nonstop and it all makes sense). The final straw was fear of me leaving and an explosive reaction from them telling me to leave.. so I left. I felt emotionally abused on several occasions after a few months of living together and decided it was best to give them space.

Since I left, my ex is now telling everyone it was my choice to leave and assuming no fault of their own. I would love to be there for my ex, but I'm not sure what the right approach is. I've seen them ruin a lot of friendships and they're trapped in a vicious cycle.. 

We've been chatting off and on for closure purposes, but mostly very little contact. My ex doesn't want to take much accountability and says I won't either -- but they're now sad for how things went down, misses me, and feels empty.

Is there a right way to support them during this stressful time? Should I call them and ask about their thoughts on what went down &amp; ask questions about their behavior? I know I can't directly tell them I think they have BPD/NPD. Would it be wise to discretely contact close mutual friends about my concerns so they can effectively communicate with my ex and help them find proper healing down the road?

I understand that my own health is important too, but I do love this person and want to see a bright future.  Some of my ex's friends have been around for years. I don't know if they understand the bigger picture and just assume they've had bad luck in relationships.

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you