So I’ve developed a BPD hyperattachment to someone I’m really close friends with and care about very much. At the same time, I’m aware that 1) I can’t help that my brain does this so it’s not worth beating myself up about it but 2) it isn’t healthy, though it is possible to learn to cope with it in a healthy way. Anyway, he and I haven’t texted in a few days and it’s been making me anxious.

Then today I was walking and found a dead monarch butterfly on the sidewalk and as I was holding it gently carrying it back to my home it suddenly hit me that my relationship with him is like holding that butterfly — you can’t smother it or cling onto it too closely or you could crush it, and though you need to hold onto it a little bit, it also needs space and air. Space is normal and healthy for a functioning relationship to survive and I need to trust him and trust that he cares about me and that things with us are good even when we’re not talking. 

I’ve come to think of my BPD attachments as emotional object impermanence — I have an anxious fear of not always being close to my person in some way because when I’m not, my mind goes to dark places and I get scared that things are bad and the relationship is going away. But this isn’t healthy and it doesn’t help the relationship, so I’ve been trying to be mindful of it and redirect my thought process to a healthier way of seeing things. Space isn’t bad. And even when things with me and him are bad, that doesn’t mean it’s relationship ending. 
I still feel anxious about it but I do feel calmer and like I’m on the right path, so I just wanted to share in case this helps anyone else :)