Have spent the last 2 weeks shut in my room cause im about ready to give up.

November 1st I lost my job and am still unemployed. December 15th, found out my gf of 2.5 years that has been living with me for 1.5 years cheated on me. I’m not entirely innocent here either, I only know she cheated on me because i invaded her privacy and went through her phone. Only thing i will say in my defense is I have never done anything like that before until she started showing some red flags that started making me very paranoid. I always had complete and utter faith in her. Well of course we break up and we both agree to each other we’re gonna take this time apart to become better for each other. She also insists on continuing to live here knowing i dont have a job and need help with some of the bills to which i agree.

Well christmas night we find out shes pregnant. She claims its mine because she never had sex with anyone else, that she only made out with one guy. Well the pregnancy is completely kicking her ass. I mean she literally could not keep any kind of food down and she would spend hours at a time hunched over the toilet puking up stomach acid. She was pretty much just a zombie. We agree to put our relationship problems on hold while we take care of this current situation. Now, we agreed when we first got together that we are not ready to be parents so if she did get pregnant we would not keep it. So after about a month of me basically being her personal caregiver we finally find a good, affordable abortion clinic. Just wanna add here to please use some type of birth control if you really dont want kids. While I am very grateful to have access to great abortion services, I do not wish that kind of pain and stress on any man or woman.

So after things have settled a bit from the abortion we decide to talk about our relationship again. We both agree to try and have a sexual relationship since we both still have needs we want satisfied. So about a month passes by. Should also mention that even though we broke up we still acted like a normal couple in every way, so at the same time we didnt really feel broken up. Now I recognize that we technically arent together so she can do whatever tf she wants with who she wants. In the beginning of February i sent her a message specifically asking her that if she does plan on seeing/fooling around with other people to please let me know now so i dont waste anymore energy on her and can move on with my life. She asks me to give her a week to think about this and im okay with that. 1 week turns into like 4 weeks of her saying she needs more time to think about it. Well she starts going out more and more with her friends again, which is how she cheated on me the first time.

Last week she admits to me that she made out with another guy when she was out with her friends. This sets me off not because she kissed someone else but because this was the exact thing i talked about in the message and she just completely disregarded my feelings by not being straight with me sooner. Well about a week of me not speaking to her goes by but my anger and jealousy are still very strong. One day while shes in shower my emotions get the better of me and decide to go through her phone again. I find flirty messages to a guy and shes asking him if he can meet up. I confront her, tell her i saw the messages and ask her why she keeps telling me she needs more time when she already made up her mind. I finally build up the courage to tell her i want nothing to do with her anymore and its been about a week since we’ve spoken.

On monday I had an extremely important interview at a really amazing job and found out today i didnt get it. So now im sitting here feeling like a complete failure. I’ve been crying non-stop out of anger towards her for making me hate her because she was my first true love experience and she shit all over it. She always told me that if we ever broke up that she wanted to leave me better than she found me but she did the complete opposite. And now i feel like im the one who has to deal with this emotional trauma and trust issues while shes already moved on to the next dick.