I stopped working in December due to really bad anxiety that I could not control. My initial plan was to dive head first into therapy and go back into a job in a few months that is work I could actually feel good about. It has now been 7 months since then and I arguably feel more lost and depressed than ever. 
I did do the therapy. I am on meds. I just can’t seem to get out of this slump. I am suicidal on and off, but I would say more frequently am than not. I have crying spells almost daily. I’ve lost 25 pounds from not being able to eat due to lack of appetite and awful anxiety stomach aches that make me feel like I’m going to be ill. 

I don’t know what my problem is and I’m just so desperate for this to stop. I promise I don’t want this. I don’t want tp be home everyday. I don’t want to be in a dark room alone crying. I want to have a job. I want to make friends. I just can’t get past myself and these awful feelings that make me feel so heavy and sick. Please help me find the tools or resources to putting myself back out there and getting over the anxiety of finding work again. I am so desperate but feel so lost and like this is all so much bigger than me. I don’t want to drown anymore but I’m neck deep and I can’t see the shore.