We started out with friends, and I tide her through her previous failed relationship, and got together 5 years ago. I knew then that she was very needy, as she stuck to me like glue for all my outings, friends gatherings and stayed with me with my parents, and stick to me every moment. We were mostly fine then, she did not have much mood swings and both of us were happy being together, except that she has one big problem of explosive anger when we quarrel.

I could never met her expectations, this led to uncontrollable anger in which she started banging her head onto the wall, threatening suicides, big fights where I had to retain her. We could also just be quarreling over text messages, and suddenly it erupted and everything from there just explides, leaving me to helplessly ponder on what I had done. All these in some way led me to become very paranoid and scared of this behavior of hers. Her mum left her when she was born, and her dad was in and out of jail couple of times when she was young and had to live with her aunt. We got married about 3 years ago.

Over the course of the marriage, we moved out, had a dog and everything seems fine for a moment. The quarrels were still occurring but I learnt and tried my best to control my own feelings and sometimes even bear everything inside and blame myself just not to bring up that behaviour, but failed. We traveled many times, renovated our home with mostly me contributing to the finances portion, and I cared for her by doing what I could in terms of supplying what she wanted as a husband. Finances always seem to be an issue for her regardless. We drifted apart slowly, and talked less frequent to the extent that she would not even greet or talk to me every day I tried my best to engage her often was in turn got hurt emotional badly. With the fear of invoking the anger within her, I did not dive in too deeply. At that point, I didn't know much about these mental disorder stuff and merely thought it was just a anger management problem that was part of her. 

Recently she left home out of a sudden while I was away from home and wants a divorxe, texting me that she felt emptiness and dead inside with low mood, no appetite and claim that she already held on for 1 year plus before letting go. It was so sudden to me and didn't understand why. I went berserk and used harsh words on her and made things worst. Even arranging for a meetup in person and talking was so hard, and lead to again the explosive angers. 

She seems to have no empathy towards whatever I say and keep having the impression my parents and family are there to spoilt the relationship and attack her even though there was no such attempts. It seems to me that she thinks the family is out to compete and compete with her over me, when I tried my best to embrace her into the family. She seems delusional and after every quarrel, she just wants to hide in one corner, cry and keep saying she wants to go home. I only sense she wants to end it all and move forward. For the past 5 months I have been trying my best to do my part as a husband poured in all my feelings, but to her it simply meant that all feelings are in the past and she felt nothing but pitiful was. My parents didn't understand much and only pressurised her into coming back. 

I kept questioning myself where I had gone wrong, where I could have done better, kept apologising non stop, and all seems to not be working. I still loved her so much but there is no one there to help much. Meeting her in person now seems impossible as she felt that my parents and I traumatised her to the point she is scared of us. That is where I start to understand and reading up on the mental materials and get to understand more where she is coming from.

Are all these symptoms of possibly BPD or perhaps any other mental disorders of bipolar or depression? I want to help her to my best capability, but it's hard. Very hard. Ultimately I want the best for her, and even if divorce is the end outcome, I still want her to be happy regardless and at least tide her through this period. She is also an introvert, very stubborn and like to keep things to herself and suffer and most likely would not seek help, which adds to the complexity of the problem.