 

one of my good friends, we will call him J, has had a pretty tough life, his dad was very abusive and has since left, he is gay and has Conservative parents. he has attempted suicide once before and has anxiety and depression. im really worried for him and i want to help

here is a discord rant from him for context (language warning) also is a convo with other friend, we will call this friend A

"J: gotta love how my mums planning disconnecting *my* internet outside of school stuff for using too much data despite me using less than a quarter the amount that my sister has.

and while she tells me this she's sitting there, with netflix on the TV, youtube on her computer, and roblox on her phone

because ***i'm*** definitely the problem here yes

like this is total across all devices too

ive used less than a quarter of what she's using and somehow ***i'm*** using too much?

what the fuck?

to put it in perspective ive used 60 gigabytes in the last month, most of which being on my computer, while my sister has used 280 gigabytes of data

**two hundred and eighty fucking gigabytes**

ive used just over a tenth of our data allowance and she's used over half

and she's keeping her internet connection

A: corrupt system, I sense

J: and its like $10 more for the unlimited plan and mum's like **bUt muh mOnEY**

she spends like 300 bucks on cigarettes a fortnight

its not like she's using it on anything useful

A: you might be able to convince her buy saying you'll chip in

J: ***i fucking have***

A: oh

J: she's all like "oh save up your money for something worthwhile" and as soon as I offer to do that she's like "no, you can't do that"

A: yea same

J: like i'll save up for something and she literally will not let me buy it

A: same here

Like what's the point of money if you can't use it?

J: cant fucking wait to get a bank account so i can actually spend some of the money ive had lying around for fucking ages

A: it's like owning a house that never gets used for no reason

J: yeah like I offer to help out with food "no, save it for something you actually want to get"

I go to buy something I want to get and she stops me

the absolute mental gymnastics

and on top of this its like everyone in my life has this fucking aversion to punishing my sister too

first it was my dad who blamed me for every fucking thing in the world

then it was her teachers because they thought i was a bad influence despite keeping to myself at home

now its my mum as well

what the fuck?

A: yea it's stupid, how the big brother can always be assumed to be the problem. So even if you're the best you can be, and a smaller sibling starts being annoying or does something, it's your fault.

it's kinda like racism

just because someone did something, doesn't mean everybody else does as well

J: like i fucking try and be a good person but as soon as i do anything remotely wrong its treated like i shot the fucking archduke of serbia

not to mention that whenever she steals shit during online school its blamed on me

she finishes four hours before I do how am i supposed to monitor the kitchen from my bedroom?

i cant exactly up and leave in the middle of an interactive to go patrol the kitchen like a security guard ffs

A: tis not good

but life is life

comes in different shapes, colours, and sizes

and they change

for the good and for the bad

J: life is looking suspiciously like the giant pile of shit from jurassic park

A: so it would seem

J: i dont know how my mum thinks its healthy to have me as the sole reason for every issue in the house

because all it does it turn my sister into an entitled brat who thinks the world will just bend to her every whim and all it does to me is make me want to fucking kill myself

A: it's a lot of a certain generation

like some in the past/current one

J: it doesnt fucking help either that she doesnt take my problems seriously 90% of the time either

stress at school? put more effort in

breakup? get the fuck over it

injured? your fault

she yelled at me for burning myself and saying "shit" while my sister was in another room

she said more swear words when I did while telling me off for swearing

and her justification?

"i'm a fucking adult"

cause that makes it ***sooooo*** much better doesnt it

cause hearing her 15 year old brother say one swear word is sooo much worse than hearing her mum say fuck and shit like 4 or 5 times a sentence while yelling at me(edited)

its almost as if she has more of an influence on her than i do

what a fucking novel thought

its almost as if the problem isn't just me

and as soon as I come up with a valid point she screams at me for my "attitude"

the last time she yelled at my sister was literally when she was such a brainlet that she decided it would be a good idea to steal 20 dollars out of mums purse when she was in the same room as her

i wouldnt be so mad if mum actually paid attention to all the problems herself and kaela cause

because I'm not perfect but neither are they

and there's no reason for me to be blamed for someone else's actions

I came back from the psychologist after they told me that it was quite likely that I was suffering from depression and anxiety and you know what she said?

YOU DONT HAEV A REASON TO BE SAD OR ANXIOUS YOURE NOT AN ADULT

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

she really fucking said that to me

even after everything

she ***saw*** what happened to me when I was younger, she was there

she knows how i feel about my dad

she fucking knows that i have to put up with in school

but no, I don't have any reasons to have mental health issues because im not afuckig adult

A: that's not how it works

teens can also have depression

about everyone can really

but teens are quite common

J: not only that she also experienced similar stuff to me while she was still with my father

she reckons that because she got throught it i should be fine

the problem is i was a fucking **child**

like i understand that its a shitty experience for everyone but it fucked me up really badly

i was going full nights without sleep when i was four because i was fucking terrified

and i still have nightmares about that shit

she literally can not comprehend that I have problems

she's pretty fucking smart with people but when it comes to me she's about as dumb as it gets

she thinks that im like her and i can just go through that kind of emotional and physical trauma and not have issues

i literally have a fucking mental breakdown whenever my dad starts yelling that doesnt sound like im alright

im gonna go

i dont know if im going to be back

maybe i will be

i dont know though "

this last part really scares me cause i know he isnt joking. hes a great person and i reallywant to help him

TL;DR im worried for my friend, how can i help him