I’ve had anxiety for long time but it didn’t affect my eating as much until the past couple of years. To sum up— I get migraines that can come on suddenly after meals (they can be so bad I can’t function and vomit for days), I’ve gotten severe food poisoning, I’m allergic to shellfish, and I’ve noticed that 90% of the time when I go out to eat I at least get diarrhea afterward and 75% of the time I get migraines. I think I try to cook mostly from scratch at home and my body just isn’t used to all of the stuff restaurants use or I have some unknown intolerance to something. Regardless, it’s started to make me so anxious about eating food when I don’t know exactly what’s in it. Sometimes I find a place that seems fine and chance it but most of the time I will firstly agree to plans, telling myself I need to live my life and appreciate relationships with people, but then when it comes down to the day before I get so worried I’ll be sick and I start to think getting sick isn’t worth it and I cancel. If you asked me to do something that involved being out all day and HAVING to stop to eat somewhere forget about it. 

So, it’s all grown into a massive constellation of worries. Will people not like me anymore because I seem neurotic about food and I cancel plans? Should I just suck it up and deal with the chances of feeling bad to have friends and go with the flow? Am I a bad person for feeling too anxious about all of this to communicate properly? If I admit it’s this bad to people will they think I’m crazy and drift away from me? Will I always have migraines? Will I ever be able to be “normal” and just travel for a weekend somewhere I have to eat out for all my meals? Is something wrong with me that I have these physical reactions in the first place? Why can’t I figure out what’s causing it? Do I seem like a weird jerk? Why do others seem to not stress about these plans and thoroughly enjoy it but I would rather cook a meal alone at home? Am I spiraling into a hermit? Am I unlikable?  On and on... 

If anyone else has struggled with this I would absolutely love to know how you navigate either not eating at restaurants or finding ways to still do it. 

Thank you!