Wondering if this could be BPD-related or perhaps a lack of testosterone? It seems, especially around where I live, guys are all in some sort of competition of who is the biggest man, the toughest, the meanest, the strongest, the best at sex, whatever. My friends exclaim that this is normal for males as they should feel a natural need to rival and compete against other males, that they have a drive to compete in order to win the female and reproduce because that is mans greatest drive, to further the population. It also seems that around 95% of guys around here would pretty much do anything for sex.  


Have I lost all my humanity? I don't ever recall feeling like most guys do about things ever in my life. Sure I get horny and sex is great and all but its just alright, i'd rather take drugs or whatever. Don't seem to get horny as much as most people though. Also isn't particularly physical at all for me, despite ejaculating I don't think i've ever orgasmed, or felt any kind of euphoria or physical feeling during it if I have. I have absolutely no desire to populate the world, reproduce or win over girls, and I never have. Since heavy depression set in I wouldn't even say i'm interested in anyone anymore at all, period. I can't seem to find people attractive nor ugly. I don't care about looking at their bodies when they walk past etc. I don't even seem to judge people by appearance at all, only personality. Maybe this is because I lack the sense of self to care for my own appearance.  


Anyways, does anyone have experience with this, and help on what it could be and how to solve it, I want to be manly as its genuinely starting to affect my life on multiple levels. I cannot even stand up for myself in fights, etc. I have a natural freeze response to any threatening situation.