Somedays I feel great somedays I feel like shit. Recently I’ve been feeling mostly like shit. It could be because I just came back home from visiting my girlfriend (LDR). I don’t think I’ve ever felt this bad ever in my life. I was walking to get groceries the other day and I remember thinking that I just want to die. I used to have close friends, but I drifted away from them. We all used to be close, but I havent talked to them and I found out yesterday that they finally had enough of me that they removed from all of their groupchats. It is my fault though because I haven’t really talked to them much, but there have been issues long before like me feeling left out a lot of times from them. I don’t talk to anyone besides my girlfriend. Since I have no friends I always stay at home. I try my best to distract myself by playing games that I like, but it doesn’t completely get rid of the feeling. I have a lot of credit card debt, I was not good with my money, almost all of the money I saved up from working is gone. I am jobless right now, been trying to get a job. I’m still 2 years away from finishing my computer science degree but I’ve been in university since 2018. I don’t think I’ll be able to go to university this fall because I don’t have money. I get so lonely whenever I’m alone. Sometimes I just feel like crying without even having a reason to. I feel my heart ache whenever I get sad. Me and my gf’s fights get so bad whenever I am back home, a lot of those fights feel like it was about to lead to a breakup. I know that my problems may not seem that bad but it’s enough to make me feel suicidal at times. Sometimes I just sleep through the day so that I can go start the next day and hope that I feel better, but I usually don’t feel any better. I don’t really know how to exactly put all of my feelings on a post, so it might seem that I am just rambling, so I’m just going to end this post here.