I don't know if this is BPD, but I am not sure who else to seek opinions from.

I have never felt like I had a strong core as far as knowing who I am. My hobbies/interests would vary constantly (often times it happened due to who I was dating). I am going to try and explain this as best as I can. Sometimes I feel like I have two versions of myself (well, multiple versions, but I'll try and split it into 2 for simplicity).

"Version 1" of myself - I had a long past of substance abuse, abusive behaviours (by myself and others toward me), depression, and just generally being in a not so great place. All of my highs and lows were extreme. I would engage in a lot of risky behaviour and most of my time was spent going out for drinks (was never a bar hopper, but going out and drinking with friends at pubs). I was usually the loud, hyperactive, funny person of the group. I can also be a lot more vindictive and can turn into a very awful person.

"Version 2" - More shy and reserved. I can still be funny, but not hyperactive, I'm quiet, I generally don't go out too much. I spend my time reading, listening to music like folk or more calm music. I make a lot more healthy choices as far as not engaging in risky activities. My mental health isn't great, but it's better.

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I feel like this 'version 2' of myself is always short lived. I can be happy - for a while. And then I start thinking about my past, knowing that it was unhealthy but things were never dull.

I am struggling in my current relationship. We have been together a little less than a year. He has mainly seen the 'version 2' self.  The other day, I overshared completely. I had a few drinks and wasn't thinking clearly, and started telling stories of things I've done, and it made him uncomfortable. Some of these stories involved sex, so I can understand his discomfort - however I have always had boyfriends that were never shy to talk about past sexual experiences and neither of us ever felt uncomfortable or jealous since we knew it was in the past. I feel like I overshared a lot and am very embarrassed.

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I feel like I am constantly competing between what version of myself is the real me. I always felt like maybe I was going through a stage or something, but I am in my late 20s and I am still so confused as to who I actually am.

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I don't know if I am looking for advice, or just need to vent, or what. I just feel like my mind is going crazy and I don't know how to calm myself.