Hey y’all, 

I’m never posted here but have been on the sub since I got my diagnosis almost a year ago. It explained so much. I’m comorbid with HPD. 

So I didn’t have sex for over a year because it would severely aggravate both my symptoms of HPD and BPD. I’d feel like a I was drowning if i was unsure of the next time I was gonna have sex or see a guy. And for me, I’d feel best if the guy was older, like at least 25. This is directly due to the absence and emotional abuse from my father. 

So I decided that I was ready and I went on bumble. I met this guy. He was 32 and when we first met, it was the day I graduated high school (gross…I know). And of course, like the ugly attention seeking beast I am, we had sex. He drove me to his place and we started doing it and o wasn’t really into it. It eventually got to the point where he started doing things we didn’t discuss and when I’d voice my discomfort he wouldn’t change. We never discussed anything in the realm of consensual non consensual. I’m really confused. I don’t know what to dO. I just feel like it’s my fault because I should’ve known better. He blocked me the next day.