I’m basically emotionally dead. I put on masks and acts, and even though there’s times I convince myself that my act is real, there’s always a feeling of disconnection between the emotions I express/feel and my true self. 

...expect when I get triggered into anger, rage, or feel deeply hurt in a way that leads to chaos and destruction. Suddenly, it’s like I’m manifesting my actual self, like some semblance of authenticity has been reached. 

Then the guilt and dissociation kicks in and I got back to feeling dead inside. I hate this.