I've not be diagnosed with BPD, but Im pretty certain I have quiet BPD thanks to my C-PTSD. With that being said, I have the hardest time when my significant other is busy or falls asleep on me. It leaves me with this heavy feeling, like they've gone an ran away, or are purposely avoiding me. Logically I know that we have a 2 hour phone call earlier and they told me they were just going to watch some shows, and that they have work and a really early drive tomorrow. But that doesnt stop my mind from switching into this dark zone where I immediately think that I should self harm. Then on top of that I start thinking about how we had a small fight the other day and how he mentioned he thought about breaking up with me and decided not to, and then looked at another post on another subreddit where people were saying that if you have a partner with BPD that you should just end it early on and how toxic BPD individuals were. And then that sent me into a spiral of how my actions hurt others, and how I should just kill myself to avoid it. I've of course talked myself out of it, but all of this literally stemmed from him falling asleep and not saying good night and being up for 5 hours just waiting around. I know things happen, and that I shouldn't hold this against him. So I'm trying to find out how to avoid this switch that happens, and to just be okay with personal space. Its strange because I havent been with someone in over 5 years, and now that I am, even though its only been a few months, I feel like I dont know how to live without him occuping my time. Im truly trying to work on myself with this, but its hard when I dont have therapy available. Any information/resources/ect that has helped you, or any suggestions is much appreciated.