My FP, incredibly unfortunately, happens to be a guy who I haven’t spoken to since April when he told me he wanted to « end the intimate side of our friendship » which I guess was code for, he found a real girlfriend and moved on from the relationship we had, which was never official. It was still really real to me and obviously he was my FP and I was head over heels and it’s been tiring and devastating work to get over him. I’m still working on getting over him and it’s a work in progress with no real end in site.

Anyway, we haven’t talked since that conversation in April, and it didn’t even have a very clear ending, and it was so confusing for me and I still have so many unanswered questions. Today is his birthday, and I cannot stop wondering what he’s doing, how he is, what he’s doing with his new girlfriend, and thinking about how different things were one year ago when he replied so lovely to my birthday text to him. I sent him a birthday text to try to extend and olive branch, but I think it made me more anxious, as he’s not likely to reply.

Another thing I’ll add. I was not toxic in any way towards him. I definitely liked him more than he liked me but I was extremely loving and kind toward him the whole relationship. It was mostly a distance thing and the fact he was emotionally unavailable. Very, very emotionally unavailable. To be honest he led me on and fucked with me and yet I’m still idealizing him in my head. 

Anyways I just need support and maybe some perspective or some loving words because I’m having a hard time and ruminating a lot. If anyone else can relate please lmk. Also, can you tell me I’m not insane for texting him happy birthday even though he’s clearly moved on? 

Thanks