I made a post on here a couple days ago about what I go through when my FP is busy. Lately he has mentioned that he wants more space in passing, and every time he’s mentioned it I told him I want him to ask and tell me. I won’t be able to automatically know, I need him to communicate that he needs space. He hasn’t asked for it so I guess Ive assumed he didn’t need it. Space for him is doing his own thing, not making conversation with me throughout the day, but still having me update him briefly on if I go out somewhere or what I eat for dinner. 

Just now, we talked for a while, and he essentially told me the reason he doesn’t ask for space is because he’s scared I’ll feel really bad. Like i’ll be really sad if we don’t talk and feel like he hates me. I wanted to validate him and say that won’t happen, but we both know that it is what happens. I told him regardless if I’m gonna feel bad about it he still needs to ask for what he wants, even if it’s going to hurt me, otherwise he’s gonna be miserable and I won’t even know it. I also mentioned that me feeling hurt isn’t because he’s a bad partner, it’s because I am a lot more sensitive to certain things. He still feels bad for asking, but I told him it’s necessary. 

I asked him how long he’s felt the need for space, because we never really had this issue over the course of our relationship, and he said it’s been more recent. It made me feel bad, but before I even expressed that he mentioned that it isn’t because anything changed, it just happens in relationships after you’ve been with somebody for a while, you just want more space from them. 

Maybe that’s the case for somebody who processes emotions normally, but it isn’t the case for me. I always want to be around him. So this sucked to hear. I always tell him he doesn’t need to talk or do something with me if he doesn’t feel like it. Always. I make sure to say that every time I propose we talk or do an activity together. He always says he wants to. So i’m worried he just would say he wanted to just to please me. And in reality, he didn’t want to at all.

He also told me he doesn’t like the responsibility he feels like by being my favourite person. I told him I don’t want to put any kind of responsibility on him, I’m not asking for him to just do whatever I want all the time. I’ve never asked for that. Now I feel like he’s been miserable for god knows how long in our relationship and just never told me. I feel terrible for not noticing. I am really sad because everybody I love eventually grows tired of me. He says he doesn’t want to break up, he just wants the relationship to be better for him and get more space, which is valid. Yet I can’t help but feel like he’s sick of me. 

I wish I wasn’t like this with everything in me. Rationally, I know I need space too. I know space is healthy. But I can’t seem to align that with the part of my brain that idealizes him, makes him this big important person I think about often and always want to be around. How the hell do I quiet that? How do I stop being so all consumed with him? I’m worried if I don’t learn how to cool it and be okay with frequent space, he’s going to leave me. Maybe he should. He needs somebody low maintenance. I am not. 

I love him dearly and Im so afraid of losing him. But he doesn’t seem to feel good about talking to me as much as we usually do anymore. I wish I knew what changed, or when it did. I feel like he’s lost interest in me. I wish I had a normal brain that could have normal relationships with other people. I know we talk an unhealthy amount. But I don’t want it to change. Yet, I know it has to if I want him to be happy. How do I make it hurt less? How do I feel okay with him taking space when he needs it (which is a totally valid request)? I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I feel totally alienated in the way Im feeling. Has anybody experienced this before? What can I do?