I feel shattered inside. And those sharp jagged edges I feel them cutting me every time I take a breath.. I lost a person that my heart grew really attached to. I guess I lost this person a while ago. But my heart didn’t want to except it. In hindsight I’m realizing that I never really had them. I don’t think they ever really loved me. I was just a temporary person to them.In the beginning they spoke of their intentions to be the opposite of that. I guess that’s just the way people are now. So say that what I forgive them for was mistake. I don’t see how that could’ve been a mistake. You forgive people you love . Some thing I’ve learned during this experience. I just never thought they would turn their back and just leave. I never thought that they would dispose of me and anything I felt for them m. I gave all that I could from my heart. I know that it was battered and damaged but it was genuine. I never thought that they would mock &amp; dismiss my childhood. Experiences that I have told no other and that I will never tell anyone ever again. I never thought I’d be so worthless. in a really bad place right now. My health is declining. I’m probably going to lose my job. I don’t see tomorrow as anything positive. I never opened up to people because it’s hard to find people that understand me. I thought this person did but they were just playing. They didn’t have any feelings for me or love for me at all. I was just too blind to see it. I loved them with all that my heart.  My heart is very inexperienced. I kept it away for many  years. Hidden from the world. The reasons for that I’m not gonna get into. Ever again with anyone. I won’t trust anyone after this experience. And it’s not because I don’t want to it’s because I can’t. I don’t see a way out of this dark place I’m in. Sometimes it’s even hard to breath. Like right now. I hate life.  Its always bad to me. I used to be able to deal with it but experience was too much. I’m not weak minded. But I guess the old pain is back and I don’t have the strength to fight it. I just need some place to put this cuss I just needed some place to put those. Don’t worry folks nobody knows me so it’s OK. I guess in my situation it’s OK that nobody really cared because if I go, no one will be upset or sad. That’s a good thing.  I don’t like making people sad. I know the feeling. And it sucks