I am diagnosed BPD, bi polar, severe depression, NPD. My meds rarely if ever help. 

I abandoned my children not once, but twice. I hate my husband. I’m resentful towards my children. Why? Because I’m in love with someone else. I’ve been “with him” for 12 years give or take. This isn’t some new relationship energy. I’ve lived with him once for about 6 months. I abandoned my children AND grandchildren to be with him. My grown children hate me. 

I ended the relationship today. I was forced to. I will end up going back “home.” I will die there. I am full of contempt. I was supposed to grow old and die with this person. I’m devastated. How can it feel easier to walk out on an ill 8 year old than to end this relationship? 

Yeah, I think my diagnosis was wrong. I think I don’t feel things just because I’m a selfish asshole. My family will agree.