(Apologize any grammar or spelling mistake, English isn’t my native la language)
I always hated the word special, basically because I believe everyone is special and that makes no one special, but more than special I just feel weird. Disclaimer, I know categorizing people is wrong but for the sake of my post I’ll do it, I Apologize if anyone gets offended, that is not the intention. 
I believe there are many type of “weirds” in this society, you can be a “weirdo” (people who tent to like anime, have difficulty to talk to women, hang out to play Pokémon, have a small group of friends). Then there’s this other type of “weird” that’s just a kid or an adult that no one likes due to his attitude, so he just isolates from the entire world and that’s how he lives his life, commonly conceived as the student at the back of the classroom with a hoodie on his head. There’s also of course the medical exception, autistic people, kids with Asperger, or any other medical condition where I’m not gonna get deeper into. I don’t wanna sound like spin because I already clarify none of us are special, I just feel I don’t fit in any of this categories, and I know that many many people don’t fit in any of this categories but what I meant by this is that I just feel so SO disconnected from this world and I don’t know why, I’m truly desperate. I’m not the guy at the back of the classroom with a hoodie, I am not a so called “weirdo” (no that that is bad, I actually really like those kind ok people), I don’t have a mental disorder (at least not from the ones I mentioned)….. I just truly don’t fucking know what the fuck is wrong with me.
Every time I try to interact with people I just feel so fake, like I don’t even want to do it. Like if I just did it for commitment. But it’s weird cause I force myself to those interactions. I just can’t make them feel natural, I feel like a robot talking to humans. Even when someone approaches me to have a conversation and we are having the conversation I just can’t feel 0 empathy from neither of us, like if when someone started talking or coexisting with me they completely felt some kind of depressing energy, I really don’t know how to make this shit stop. Is it my personality? Is it my mental state? What is wrong?
It’s been like this for a few time till now and it just keeps getting worst. I’ve been from one psychologist to another, I’m even on pills. It can’t be my physical state, I eat healthy, and exercise 5 times a week just cause I like to, so what is it, I just want to feel normal, I feel weird, weird between the weirdest, I don’t even know if I feel at this point, and I can’t call for help because I don’t know what is happening, I’m pretty sure this post will sound pretty stupid ones I reread it. I don’t have any friends, I don’t have any enemies, fuck honestly I just don’t know if people care if I exist or no, cause maybe I don’t.