i'm not diagnosed and i don't want to self diagnose but i feel like it's getting bad now.
i don't feel like i enjoy anything. i have tried doing everything that used to make me feel happy or excited but it never feels the same. there is this one day that i remember very well and it's the last time I ever felt genuinely happy about something. and i tried everything to make myself feel the same way. doing the same things, eating the same food, going out with the same people, at the same places. nothing works. i feel like i've spent so much time trying to do shit that used to make me feel something, that i barely pay attention to anything else. and i feel like i've become this dull, boring person because of it. i feel like i have no personality, no hobbies, no interests and no motivation to even speak to people. everything that i used to do in the past just doesn't do it anymore, i don't feel like doing anything at all. when people ask me personal questions i can't give them an answer at all. i don't do anything anymore and i feel like a miserable piece of shit that is just lazy and making excuses to not do stuff. but it has actually ruined so many of my relationships with people and has fucked up so much oppurtunities for new friendships. i've also been having suicidal thoughts for a while and the only thing keeping me here is the fact that i can't find a way to do it. i can't reach out. i don't know how to reach out. i don't know if i want to get help.