Today is my birthday and all of that bs, I have been strugling with depression like for 9 months now, and I was kinda excited because today was a "special" day for me.

No one remembered it dude, I literally just expected one person to tell me "Happy Birthday" and I guess it just went wrong, I just dont find any purpouse on my life, I always tried to be a better version of me, but I just keep getting suicidal thoughts, destructive thoughts in general and all of that, I cant even sleep well, I keep waking up at random hours and I cant get back in the sleep, I just remain there, overthinking everything "What If the only person I truly love thinks I'm a piece of shit, Things are going to be better without me, No one will remember me if I do it"

I just dont know why Im still alive