

Before high school, I did notice that one thing that made me very bitter was that I dislocated my shoulder, and my favorite hobby to practice was football. I could never do it again. 

Things I could do was run or go to the gym. It was my first time getting anxious but I managed to cope with it and went to the gym instead.

In high school, I was anxious about my grades and had bad friends around me that dragged me down. I was having issues with my self-esteem even though I was having a good life outside of school and was managing to get girls where I had a fun social life. These things distracted me from my anxiety.

As the years passed by my grades became worse and one day I got into a car accident. After that everything went downhill. Anxiety from school and my shoulder injury were making it hard for me but now combined with this I was reaching a breaking point.  

I was beginning to socially distance myself and gained weight. It even went so far that even if I was perfect I started to pick on my face and today I have big scars that are ugly and hard to treat. 

I thought that when I gained my ugly scars people might not care but they did especially girls because the same girls that would love to talk to me and we're flirting now would ignore me because I got ugly.

I decided to fix my scars and did several treatments that did not work. I was getting some hope and my anxiety cooled off but after being done while wasting big money with no difference that made me even more anxious than before.

In school the last year after all these events it got even worse. When I was in the classroom and we were having a group project. I was the only one left out every time. Not a single person would like to socialize during the last year of school even though somehow in the first year I had plenty of friends. I went from being social to not managing to get a single person to be with me. Even the ones I thought liked me ignored me. This triggered me even more.

I remember the last year in school when people got their licenses I would wait because I thought I needed to get less anxious because of my car incident. Time passed by and everyone was getting their license. It triggered me because everyone has a car license and I do not. 

I managed to start driving lessons and it went pretty well. I practiced for one year but never managed to do a final test. After a few months of practicing, something weird happened. 

I started driving very badly and was having difficulty with concentration while driving. I made many stupid mistakes and missed locations. My local map in my brain would not work. I was forgetting which way to drive on an easy route to a store even though I have lived in the same area for 15 years. 

Instead of me getting better I have become much worse and manage to drive like it's my first time. I have two years of practice now. And of course, when doing the final tests I managed to fail four times.

To summarize, my problems today are that I struggle with my driving license, I have become after all of these events very isolated from reality because I can't manage to find a job and the ones I did work at were very physically demanding. I even started to faint because I was overworked. 

I can't sleep because of my thoughts about my scars, no girlfriend, shoulder injury, car accident, and no job while being socially excluded from people which has led to panic attacks. I'm not even surprised due to the many events that fucked me over and over again.

I can't listen to my heartbeat, I always zoom out, I'm having difficulty with concentration and I'm very distracted while being lost in my head. I'm not alert and I'm more like a robot. 

Every few weeks I would snap and become even more anxious and tell myself how much life sucks and now it's every week instead. 

I always help people and today none of them help me and have forgotten me. I'm stuck and since I'm very isolated and starting to have further worse symptoms my solution is to go to school and learn. I need to do stuff.