I don't know how to get into details without getting off track, but the main issue is that I've gotten to the point I have a hair-trigger with my mother and grandfather again. Any type of conflict or argument and I just go red. It's all verbal, or text, and not in person, but I just say the absolute worst things. I don't know how to stop myself from stooping that low, but when I feel threatened or hurt, I just pull out exactly the worst thing I could say to whoever I'm talking to and then all of a sudden I'm the bad guy. It's not fair. It's like just because I know how to cut deep (because I understand them, which should be a good thing otherwise) anything they've done becomes minor in comparison. It just feels like at certain point being civil is a waste of energy (or at least that's my justification afterwards...) and I just say whatever I can to make them go away or stop hurting me.