I searched my whole life for purpose, meaning, etc. just to reach the conclusion that the only things that matter is money and sex. Those are the only things that motivate what we do and possibly the only thing that brings us joy. Many people have tried to tell me that family and “God” give meaning to my life. But family sucks and they don’t have anything good to say about me. I was a worship leader from my teens to early twenties but God is nowhere to be found in my life. I feel my music ministry was used to manipulate, unintentionally of course. I have a lovely wife, but we have no desire for kids and she is perfectly fine to take care of herself when I’m gone. I haven’t reached 30 yet, but most days I hope I’m taken early by death.