I'm still awake.  For the first time in months I am once again manic at 1 am.  I'm trying to utilize my coping mechanisms but nothing is making me feel OK.  My partner is away for a few days and I struggle with feeling safe...ever...and without him around I shift between wanting to crawl into a ball and wanting to punch the living shit out of everything.  And as I try to, ya know, figure my shit out on my own and be an adult: I just end up disassociate for hours trapped in my head and unable to open my mouth.

I'm exhausted but if I close my eyes, will I be okay till morning?