I guess this is some kind of a DAE post. I can’t seem to let go of people who’ve left me. I always had a fear of being abandoned but it’s become way worse since it actually started happening more and I’ve definitely heightened my behaviors around trying to prevent abandonment. It gets worse every time it happens. I guess I’m just unbearable to deal with. 

I dream about them frequently. The dreams are often positive though sometimes they are not. I dream about seeing them again and having panic attacks or we get into a fight. Or I dream about us being together again like we used to be. 

I want to hate them so badly but I can’t. I am angry of course. But I just love them and I can’t forget about them. It’s so painful to care about someone that doesn’t give a crap about you anymore. Or maybe they never did. It’s terrible to know that they probably don’t give me a second thought anymore, and yet my brain is stuck here. I’ve been stuck on some people for years now. But it’s not always like this I guess, sometimes I do truly hate them and think they’re some of the worst people and biggest assholes I’ve ever met. 

I feel like an obsessed freak. Just hearing their (incredibly common) names is a trigger for me. I’ve recently blocked everyone whose left me on social media, not so they can’t see my accounts, but so I will stop looking at theirs.