So a couple days ago I got into a fight with my parents. My parents and I, I wouldn’t say we get along. I mean I’m fine around them usually. But there will be a time every day where they just make me feel… not good. Our personalities don’t match and I have a disability that bothers them a lot. The fight was partly my fault, partly their fault and partly stuff I could hardly help because of said disability. I take accountability for part of what happened. But I feel like they went too far. 

Screaming has always been a trigger for me. As soon as someone even slightly raises their voice, I start to cry. Yesterday they screamed lots. Like they got in my face. They bowed down and screamed at me centimeters away from my face. This has been bothering me ever since it happened. I replay their voice in my head, see their face again. I had a nightmare about it. They cussed at me. The word bitch was used. They made all kinds of threats but mostly they threatened to kick me out. I have no idea how serious they were being, maybe it was just a heat of the moment thing, but they repeated (in detail) how they could do it several times. I’ve been anxious about it all night. Because sure, they didn’t do it now. But they kept repeating that they could choose to do so at any moment. Now I feel like if I make even the slightest misstep, they’ll do it. 

I feel bad using the word traumatic, I know there are worse things. But I feel like this fight is something that I will never be able to get over. It lasted for hours and I was scared the whole time. At some point I was afraid one of them would hit me (it hasn’t happened in years but I think both of them did it once in my childhood), that’s just how angry they were. I feel like something has shifted. Both mentally and physically I feel off. Numb? But also very anxious. I can feel the anxiety in my stomach. My heartbeat has been increased since it happened 4 days ago. I can’t imagine ever not being anxious again.