in the past, i’ve lost friends due to toxicity. i lost an entire friend group partly because of me, but mostly because we were all going and immature and they did some really fucked up shit to me. i lost another friend because she was my FP and toxic and everyone told me to leave but i didn’t for years. etc etc. but lately, it’s been that i just can’t connect with people anymore. after something really traumatic happened a few years ago, it’s changed everything. i’ve had multiple traumas- didn’t grow up with my parents, one is disabled from an accident when i was a toddler, SA, got disowned by some family a year ago, etc. but my siblings died 3 years ago and it has absolutely ruined me. i was a minor at the time. and now i just can’t feel much. i went from being very emotional to super numb. and i’m disconnected from everyone and i know that once i’m disconnected, i can never go back to having as close as of a relationship as i used to with whoever i’m not close to anymore. relationships are the only thing that make me happy. and i’m just tired. worrying about money and school and my family and i’m not even happy. i want to go home.