Hi, I was diagnosed with BPD 6 years ago and before I used to drink casual drinks and i would feel happy or euphoric but now I feel it’s more like a russian roulette, like anything can happen sometimes it is totally normal I’m normal and remember everything but other times having the same amount of alcohol and  I have blackouts and I don’t remember what I did or say, sometimes I become super impulsive and crazy. Obv I feel horrible the day after, filled with shame and it’s horrible bc I feel like pandora box with monsters inside that are just sleeping and I don’t know when they are waking up  
has anyone experienced something like this before or similar?