I couldn't find a flair that would match so

CW: Mention of death/dying

So today I'm having a leg surgery. It's not a big deal and I KNOW IT. But I am getting very intrusive thoughts about it. Like I'm gonna die or something goes wrong.
I'm thinking about dying every day, even if it's not by my own hands but I definitely imagine me dying different ways. And this surgery brought it out even more. I know it's fucking irrational and that I will be okay. But my mind is restless. Do I actually want to die you ask? I could answer you yes or no every hour depending on how I feel. I know I'm fucked up, I know I'm irrational. I just needed to get this out. 

Thanks for reading my bullshit.