When i was 12 a very close member of my family died i thought it was my fault this may sound stupid but i thought it was caused by me going into the shower and whenever i do that something bad would happen so i associated showers as a bad thing i had to take 1 a week to not risk it this took me around 6 month to overcome after that i was scared of losing anyone else so i would speak to myself things such as my family will live forever i kept saying the same thing over and over again my mom was worried about me speaking to myself this also lasted 6 months recently i have associated masturbating to cause bad things i am scared of what is happening with me i dont know why i search up symptoms and i might have schizophrenia but i dont know tho