I recently made a post about how I falsely accused someone of something when I was around 14-16. At the time my life was in shambles, I was diagnosed with BPD at an yearly age, most likely during that 14-16 age period.

I don't know why I did it. 

Was it anger? Angry at the world? Angry my dad died two years before? Angry I was rejected by my peers? (Lying led to more rejection) 

What did I expect to gain? I wanted attention, I wanted ppl to feel sorry for me. Nobody cared that my dad had died shortly afrer it happened.

I lost so many friends over the years a built this awful reputation for myself. My life could've been so much easier if I hadn't ostracized myself from my peers even further.

I feel like I'm just trying to get to whatever emotion is at the root of it all, why did I lie about something so serious. Why did I create that narrative for myself. Its not fair to reach out to ppl from back then but I feel so stupid and guilty. Idk.