i’m really flustered right now so sorry if this doesn’t make any sense, but does anyone have experience with a lot of kindness making you anxious? especially when it’s tailored to you. 

i’ll explain, my birthday is coming up in a few days and one of my friends was asking what i wanted him to get me. getting gifts has a pattern of making me anxious so i immediately declined and told him to get him something for his partner or keep it or something but he kept pushing. he ended up getting me The Waking Dead on steam, since he knows i really love those kinda of games and it’s been a game i’ve wanted for a while. just getting the notification at all made me have a small panic attack right there, i had to mute myself in the discord call since i didn’t want them to hear me crying bc of it. but it’s weird, they weren’t tears of joy, i just kept wanting to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone and wanting to make it all stop. not sure how relevant this is but i’ve been thinking i have cptsd after looking back on some things from my childhood (that might be overstepping, i’m really not sure and don’t have an official diagnosis) 

anyone have any experience with this and know how to work around it? id appreciate any advice anyone could give on the topic.