I'm draining the life out of my boyfriend.




Yesterday he sat me down at 1 am after going out drinking with his friends and very calmly told me that I dont see him as a part of my team. He told me that the way I express my affect tires him and drains the will to live out of him. He said that I need to be more light, that I need to appreciate life more, focus on the good. He told me he didnt feel like we could talk and that he wished I talked more to him. Those werent his exact words but you get the point. 




Obviously this hurt me deeply and when I woke up today I was in a pretty bad mood. He told me he wanted to watch something on tv but once he saw my mood he changed his mind and didnt want to hang out anymore. I told him I was feeling that way bc of yesterday's conversation, he said I obviously really didnt get the point of what he was saying and that he didnt feel like talking about it anymore. I said I thought he wanted me to talk to him, but he just didnt feel like talking about heavy stuff for another 2 hours. He then left.




My question is: how the fuck do I change my mood? I'm always stuck feeling pretty bad and I dont want to lose him but he also doesnt want me to fake feeling ok. It's like damned if you do and damned if you don't. How do you *feel* good? How do you go past being pissed or sad or emotionally frozen all the time? Im going to therapy but Im only beginning the two year treatment.




Any advice would be appreciated.