I don't care about anything I used to. Everything I get in my car recently I think about car accidents or running my car into a tree. I never want to get out of bed. I avoid my job as much as I can even though I used to love it. I love my boyfriend and I don't want to leave him but he doesn't get it. He says it'll get better and that I just have to control what's around me but I can't control myself so how can I control everything else. I'm multiple years clean of self harm and now all I think about is hurting myself.