last week on Thursday I relapses again. Again the same with trying to break up, screaming at him, .... 
He tried to play games on my phone with me to calm me down and also tried to cuddle with me but i just didn't want to and only told him to go home and leave me alone. Then I decided to go smoke and this helped me to calm down. After that we laid in bed and i just wanted to cry because i was so sorry for that again. 
Then he told me that it's hard for him but he accepted that i have bpd. He said he was overwhelmed with me at first but now he accepted it that this is just a part of me and that he loves me as a whole. I love him so much. Since that My symptoms have shown up less and i feel a lot better. I think since i got diagnosed i didn't want to accept it and this caused that I relapsed more. But I think that he told me he accepts me I also learned to accept myself how I am. I hope this will stay like this.