Basically went through a break up in which really inclined me to actually get some help. I wish I’d listened to my partner and done it sooner but thankfully he’s still a loving friend to me and there’s still hope for a future there but I can’t get up caught in it just yet. 

Anyways, I did a televideo session with a male therapist given the pandemic crisis and tbh due to COVID 19 outbreak i was feeling pretty frustrated and done with searching for a therapist to help me, but thankfully I found him and gave him a chance. 

We had a good real long talk. He didn’t rush me. He listened to me and we connected well and established that he can help me and we’re a good match. 

Of course #1 issue we discovered is my decision making skills and emotions are really hard to handle IN THE MOMENT so of course we are going to be doing mostly DBT &amp; Mindfulness with a bit of CBT. 

He said I was very bright and remarkably insight... but One thing I realized where I was going wrong is pretty much treating my emotions like an annoying, uncontrollable child... my lesser than... an unbalanced relationship between me and my emotions ... and despite being very logical and rational, I often let my emotions take control even when I know the results are chaotic in the moment... so it’s pretty much about finding that way to make both rationale and emotions work together to get to a nice balance but also incorporating the five senses and meditation. 

The biggest thing I realized is that I do have an identity but it’s an unhealthy one attached to my trauma, my past mistakes... my victim mentality and I don’t want that anymore ... I wanna reinvent a new identity for my own. 

I always knew I’d benefit from DBT but it never really HIT me just how much I needed DBT and how DBT will be a major key to me hopefully recovering and leading a better life . Of course recovery is not linear and I’m bound to mess up sometimes but I want to be a better girlfriend , a better daughter ... a better person overall and that’s the end goal for me.

I’m so happy to finally be getting help and I intend on 100% sticking to it . 

Sorry for this being so long but I’m just so excited and hopeful for the future once more despite this coronavirus and my anxieties attached to it.