I absolutely hate this life so much. I can't even argue or be sad about the statement because it's absolutely true. Every time I have an episode, which happens a lot, it just always results in me ruining something. At this point having friends is just too exhausting. I've ruined my relationship with my best friend, friends, family, all because of how I can't think or organize my thoughts anymore. 
I started a new med like a week ago, I just pray that one treatment works. I wonder if I can even go back to the happy person I was, well, not happy but at least I was having more good days than bad. Having this disorder control me is exhausting and I'm just so tired already.