Okay, i should probably start with something about myself.
I am 16 and was diagnosed with BPD with 14. I was pretty angry about it back then, because it is just stupid to diagnose someone that early. In psych ward they used me for a lot of things, like taking to college students and even filmed an interview with me.

Relationships at that age are always complicated, i know that. My boyfriend is 20 and i actually met him 2 years ago in psych ward (suicide attempt). I think he is mostly okay now. I am not and he has to deal with a lot of shit. We are together for 7 months now, and i have no idea how this is still working, after i broke up with him several times.

Okay, actually i have an idea. I read another thread about this. He is obsessed with me, because i exactly act the way i know he wants me to act like. I act like the perfect girlfriend arround him, even though he triggers my "angry side" a lot. I don't show him, because i need his attention and his compliments.
Now to the problem: yesterday i told him i feel like i am not myself arround him, that i always have to think exactly what i say or do when i am with him. He was pretty confused and asked me if i am not the person he fell in love with and if i even love him. I always considered love to be a strong word, but i do have strong feelings for him most of the time, at least the strongest feelings i had in my young life. He said i should act like myself arround him, so i did tell him that he is making me angry right now, and he freaked out a little how he is always so good to me and i have to think about what i say. (I was pretty mean)

I talked to my mum about this (she studied psychology and read a lot of books about BPD, so she knows how to deal with me) and she says it's normal to only show your good side. But i feel like i am not showing a side of me that is real, hell i don't even know what is me and what is not. 

Okay, i don't even know why i am writing this here, it's pretty much just a rant. If you have any ideas how i can make this okay again it's really appreciated!

Also, not a native speaker on mobile, sorry for any mistakes!