TW: mention of self harm 
I (16F) have never been checked for depression, but many people have suspected me having it (such as teachers and some friends who have depression, so I am very aware this is not a diagnosis and the fact I have never had any conformation just sows the doubt). My mood is  very irregular and comes in phases but I’ve just been feeling so numb for years. For so long I felt like there is a hole in me. Like something is wrong and missing. It’s gotten worse recently and the only way I feel that I can fill it is with drugs, self harm, excessive consumption of cigarettes, or alcohol. Aside from cigarettes and self harm, i don’t do it often. Because I have never been checked out, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. This cant be normal. I was diagnosed with severe ADHD about a year and a half ago(diagnosis was late bc I’m in France and a hurlas well as an unusual school environment). Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like even for someone with adhd my motivation is extremely low, even to do things I love. And even though no body knows I feel as if I must be making this all up for the attention. To distract myself I endulge in excessive binge-watching on my phone or computer. What does all this mean? Am I really just making this up?