In recent years I've struggled to feel many strong emotions. I have many, and I mean many ideas about why this might be, but no solid answers. One of these ideas being that I can't feel emotions because I'm actively suppressing them. While it sounds plausible and I've surely at some point have come across accounts of people doing the same, it doesn't sound quite right to me. It's one I've discussed lightly with closer friends and one of my therapists, and to an extent myself. 

I remember what it was like when it still felt like I had strong positive and negative emotions. I don't remember being in control of them. Being able to even at a small degree, shift how I felt in response to stimuli. I'd simply, feel. Perhaps after thinking it over, I might have felt differently, but the changing of those thoughts that affected how I feel felt natural, not deliberate. I wasn't aware of it. I remember days I felt severe sadness and/or grief. I don't remember being able to just stop being sad, it just went away slowly, gradually, naturally. Likewise, it feels as I got older, my emotions as a whole seem to have faded away, slowly, gradually, naturally. 

Could it then be the case that the suppression of emotions, is something one does without much thought or intent put into it? It sounds so unintuitive. How would that work? And how might I reverse this process, if it even is a thing?