Today is one of the hardest days, April 2nd I lost my sister to a drug overdose and ever since then I’ve been so lost, I’m feeling a deeper, darker version of my depression that I’ve never seen or felt before. 

I’ve never been suicidal but I feel the urge there... I feel like if I were to harm myself I wouldn’t stop or think twice about it. 

Today is my birthday, yeah I know 4/20 whoohooo. But no, I lost all my friends and the love of my life.. this sickness inside me is becoming stronger and I’m scared. I’m terrified I can’t stop it before it gets worse. 

Last year I had hundreds of people wishing me a happy bday and a fat party was thrown for me. 

This year I woke up to nothing and no one. 
I honestly feel like everyone would be better off if I just left, not die. Just left everyone alone and went away. 

I fear with my sickness I’ll love be truly loved or validated and I’ll never know how to truly love someone....   



I’m fucking trying here man. I just want this pain to stop