this is going to be long and confusing but i am just needing to vent and i also need answers. so basically i have been hearing voices ever since i was little and i know that i am schizophrenic, i am diagnosed schizo affective. however, i also am pretty sure that i have borderline personality disorder. i hate when people throw around dagnoses but i have talked to my psychiatrist and therapist about it and they both say it is very likely because i am displaying a lot of the symptoms , they are just not ready to make that diagnosis because i am only 18. so back to the title of this post, do i have schizophrenia or is it all just a grand scheme being conducted by the bpd part of my brain. i have pretty much convinced myself that i have been acting all along and everytime i am in literal psychosis and i am hearing and seeing things that supposedly arent real i was just acting and i never actually had those visual and auditory hallucinations. like one time in the mental hospital i tried to commit because this women was forcing me to and strangling me from the inside out. but what if that didn't actually happen and there was no hallucination and i was just pretending that what happened because i knew i would get more attention by saying i was being told to do that by an imaginary woman than if i just did it cause i was sad becuase thats just not dramatic enough. anyways i do think that my supposed schizophrenia is all a lie and i am just manipulating my friends and family into paying more attention to me and being more worried about me than they would be if i wasnt schizophrenic. another thing thats been on my mind is that the four different medications im on actually get rid of my symptons of schizophrenia psychosis and mania or if it is just placebo. becuase everytime i stop taking them and before i ever started taking them i was experiencing those symptoms but maybe thats just because i told myself and had professionals telling me i was schizo affective so those are the symptoms i was experiencing. so what if i were to stop taking my meds but i told myself i wasnt going to have an episode and i wonder if i still would. because if i still did it would mean i was actually crazy but if i ddidnt that would mean that it really was a big bpd scheme and that bpd is the only diagnosis that actually applies to me.

thoughts?