Feeling off and I say I want to die that I need to die and yet I'm panicking. Is it an instinctual response or do I actually value my life? If any would now better it should be me. It's my body, my mind, my experience and yet I'm so lost and afraid to die. I don't want to die. Then again I don't care very much fir the opposite either but living not to die...it's torture which any way you look at it. Torture, it hurts but I can't express it really. My heart's just racing and I'm thinking about the days I used to play games at my parents. The days becoming a blur, like now except I was actually content bc I could escape