To the monster inside me,

I hate you.

You have integrated yourself into who I am as a person and I don’t know how to escape this mess of emotions. 

My head is full, the pain is so real… like a migraine that sits inside my every thought and action.

Monster, you feed on my agony and you want nothing more than to see me fail at life.

I’ve been battling you my entire life, and just when I think I am starting to win the war.. I lose another battle.

I can’t breathe anymore, I can’t bleed anymore.

Oh monster… how did you even get here? 

I don’t remember when you came into my life but you’ve done nothing but grow bigger and bigger as I grow more unstable and sad.

It’s not sad though, not in the traditional sense, it’s so much more.
It’s the deepest and darkest secret I mask with a smile and a joke.
 
But I know it’s there, I carry it with me everywhere I go like a backpack that’s sewed into my skin. 

I ask you monster why you do the things you do?

Why do you make my friends go away? 

Why do you wrap me up in drama of my own creation? 

You taint my jobs and homes, and push relationships away. 
I’m needy and weak. 

I am dramatic and emotional.

I am destructive and self hated.

I am you and you are me.

To the monster named borderline,

Please leave me be.