TLDR: is there a way for me to get a diagnosis and/or treatment privately, how would I do it and how much would it cost?

I haven’t been able to get anywhere with my GPs, I’ve tried to get a referral from two different doctors at the same surgery (a year apart) who have both sort of been like “you’re not that unwell, just go to IAPT”.

They don’t have all my history because I haven’t found them helpful and generally hate to contact them after a bad experience with adolescent mental health services around 10 years ago.They also may not be aware of all the treatment I’ve had - CBT once at uni in 2013-2014 and then again locally through IAPT in 2015-2016. I do know that a few times when I’ve threatened suicide and left the house my mother has called the doctor (I peeked my file when a doctor left the room once). However I’ve never followed through with those threats, and every time I’ve tried to call them in crisis the receptionist has told me there’s no doctor to speak to and I usually end up calling the samaritans so I guess in their books I’m “not that unwell”.

Until now my problems had really been confined to my personal relationships with close family, or with partners who I broke up with as quickly as possible because I couldn’t handle the emotions.

However, unfortunately, I got a full time and pretty nice job around 9 months ago and this whole time I have been struggling with intense paranoia about my colleagues and emotional outbursts that are affecting my work.

I mentioned this to the GP when I went last week and he told me that I was just depressed and he won’t refer me, I was so frustrated I started to cry and he told me that crying was a sign I’m depressed (honestly have no idea how i restrained myself from pushing him off his chair). He prescribed me SSRIs which were incredibly unhelpful last time I took them mid 2016 to early 2017 and told me to call him in 4 weeks.  (This is a very condensed version of this story, honestly I think this specific GP was neglectful in his treatment of me. If i had the time or energy I’d probably complain)

I’m at a loss. I’ve been very open and frank about my symptoms and I guess the NHS is too stretched to help me. I really need help, soon, or I might lose my job or worse end up dead so I need to know if and how I can get help privately.