I read somewhere a while ago that when you are always putting up a front whenever you’re around others on a daily basis, eventually when you no longer have the energy to do so, you will seem depressed or sad “all of a sudden”.

Well, here I am. This is exactly what is happening to me.

The truth is, I haven’t felt true enthusiasm in years. The time he was referring to (he gave an example of when I was at their friends’ place) when I was “enthusiastic” was really just me putting up a front to seem socially normal, and not to engage others’ scepticism.

It’s exhausting always having to put up a front every day when I’m around others. When I’m alone, I’m dead inside and don’t display any emotion. But if I were to always express how I truly am around everyone - not displaying emotion or the ability to feel - then no one would really want to be around me. 

So now I don’t know how to explain. My father genuinely thinks that I was truly enthusiastic before. Now that I “suddenly” seem like Km down, I think he’s sceptical. 

How do I explain how I truly feel? That when I display emotion, I can’t really feel those emotions. I don’t know if I can mention my Anhedonia to him because I don’t know how he’d take it.

Any ideas? Thanks in advance.