Don't read this if you are not feeling well. 



I don't know how anyone does it. I hate employment. I am constantly making mistakes and it seems like I'm not even present there mentally. I forget things seconds after someone says them to me. I can't keep asking them to remind me. Dissociation is a bitch. I feel unsafe outside my house. When I get a call from my manager, I just don't pick it up. I'm so afraid of messing up that I'd rather not go to work at all. I keep getting fired. Couldn't deal with school because of mental issues. Zero education. Therapy is pointless. Medication is actually harmful and worsens symptoms. Options are (as with most people) limited. Zero people skill. Bad stutter when I talk due to anxiety. Can't work retail. Often get panic attacks when forced to talk to anyone, even a single individual. "Just thinking different thoughts until they become natural, convenient patterns for your brain to follow during triggering situations" is futile (for me, not necessary for you, my dear reader). Been doing that for years now and that works about as well as repeatedly hitting my head into a wall. I've tried both.
I just need money to eat and pay rent. (I have zero plans to get a career where you eventually move up into a comfortable middle-class house with your middle-class partner and your middle-class problems and your couple's therapy sessions and the sorta thing you see over at r/relationships. That is much harder than being a hermit. I don't know how they do it; just a small tangent.) I can't even manage this lol. How am I gonna keep going. Just another frozen corpse indistinguishably huddled in garbage on some shop corner. It's sad, but also kinda funny.