I’m pouring my heart out here and being vulnerable because I can’t do that in real life, so would please request kindness.

My first “relationship” few years back started out great where the guy was interested in me and spending a lot of time with me. I am an introvert so initially I would try to avoid him but gradually took a liking. Then the guy told me straight away that he wanted to keep things “casual”- at that point I was not even sure what that term meant. When we met he would talk for a while and then he would want to start making out which is fine except he wasn’t willing to open up emotionally or develop an emotional bond.

Eventually, I was told to leave and go home if I was not interested in sleeping with him. He told me it was over and basically humiliated me. He sent me an apology over text when I got home but I didn’t reply on it.
3 months later I saw he was declaring he was official with another woman and couldn’t stop posting photos with her when he had refused to let me update my social media with him. I was so hurt that I cried for 2 hours straight. I got emotional and DMed him telling him how I was so broken to see all of that and congratulated him anyway. He responded by saying that he had had a breakup. I then expressed my feelings and he responded by blocking me.

He never spoke to me again. He was happily in a relationship for 2 years and got married. Meanwhile the absolute apathy caused me to develop a negative self talk and I felt like a piece of shit that people only use and nobody wants- even to be friends or care. I started physically hurting myself and continued to be in a series of meaningless associations where the guy only wanted my nudes.

I have watched life go by as others post pictures of their happy relationships. I’m almost 30 and the years where I could be in a relationship and enjoy the dating phase are gone. I don’t see the point in anything.