My default is emptiness. I feel like when I'm not interacting with other people, I have no feelings or thoughts. I am nothing until another person ackowledges me and then I become a fake happy person that I think they'd prefer. Its automatic.

 Sometimes I'll have flare ups of extreme self-hatred or sadness and those feelings will be intense and overwhelming for a few hours. Sometimes I dissociate strongly and quickly return to an empty state. I can't enjoy anything when I'm alone; all I want to do is sleep so I don't have to feel like this. I have no motivation whatsoever. I'm basically just existing because it would hurt other people if I stopped existing.

I'm in a CBT group for intense emotions, but those strategies don't work on emptiness. I can try to change my behaviour and thoughts but the feeling remains unaffected. I feel like a machine.

I know this is common in BPD. What helps you guys with this long-term nothingness inside? 