Hey r/BPD,  
This is a biiiiiiiiiig post so fair warning. I'm a 17M who doesn't have BPD, (although I do have ADD and Asperger's syndrome, though I pass for NT) and I'd just like to tell you what's been going on the past month with this girl I met who has BPD. Only CW is talk of suicide/self harm. I'm feeling pretty ok right now about it and I'm honestly glad this stressful situation has (hopefully) ended, inshallah. I hope I can get some incite from you guys about this all cuz Jesus Christ this has been intense.  
So I met this girl during my spare at school through a mutual friend, who I'll call M. The mutual friend will be called Y. She also has an ex who plays a big role who I'll call A. M has BPD, and she actually told me that when I met her. I didn't really have a good idea of what it was, A said it was "sorta a mix of bipolar and autism and ADHD" which I now know isn't really true, BPD is it's whole own thing. But I thought "well, she's pretty normal seeming and appears to have been through lots of therapy. She can hold a job (at MacDonald's lol but still, stable enough for that). She's probably ok. I got ADD and autism and I'm pretty much ok, it's probably not a big deal."  
I found M's emotional openness from the start to be very attractive, and also I really liked her style and how she dressed and so I started developing a crush on her for a little while. She's also bisexual, as am I, and it was a nice thing to bond over and I found her openness about her sexuality very brave and it made me like her even more.  
However, I should've seen some massive red flags but I didn't or chose to ignore them. Such as her ex who told me about the multiple pregnancy scares they had, the fact that he had slept with her only two weeks before I met her despite them breaking up months and months ago.  
Anyways, I asked her out and we went on a couple pretty chill dates. The first one was actually quite nice, we just went to get ice cream after school and sat on a hill. She opened up to me about how her best friend had killed herself a year ago, and also more light hearted stuff too, of course. I put my arm around her on the bus ride home and Y told me that M really liked me on the date and wanted to go on another one. So we did, last Friday (right before Halloween). She texted me that night about how she thought it would be cute if I dressed up for Halloween like Scott Pilgrim and she dressed up as Ramona Flowers (a couple from a movie we both like). I thought it was going really well. I thought she was recovering well and it would be the start of a nice relationship.  
But the vibes on the second date were a lot wonkier. M dressed up like her best friend (and her best friend like her, the friend will be called W). It started fine, she showed me the edgy memes her friends send eachother on discord and I put my arm around her again, but this time she was clearly less comfortable about it and I should've stopped a lot sooner than I did. I didn't think much of it at the time. I also just didn't really have fun on it, I can't really describe it I just felt myself having a lot of doubts about it, which I think is normal early on in a relationship.   
I saw W and M Friday morning and thought W looked really good dressed up like M. I thought it would be a funny joke to tell Y that I thought someone else looked really good when dressed up as my (sorta-)girlfriend. I worded it poorly, and sent it over text but Y still got the joke (I think?). Then I tried to explain to Y why I felt so odd about it but couldn't really get to the bottom of it. It resulted in a poorly worded text convo that made it seem like I didn't like M, and actually liked W, and also simultaneously that I didn't like either of them. I didn't expect to have to think about it again too much.  
Then, over the weekend, M didn't text me or talk to me at all. This was unusual, she usually texted me quite often. I just chalked it up to her being at work on the weekend and thought nothing of it, and that I'd see her on Monday and it would be all back to normal.  
I was expecting to hang out with M and Y during the free period we share at the end of every Monday, but then in the class before, which I have with her ex A, he showed me a tiktok she made over the weekend which he wasn't sure if it was about me or not. I knew it was immediately about what I told Y and I texted Y annoyed at her telling M about what I said. It was pretty humiliating and so when I got home I texted M about it and explained what I meant by it. She said she wasn't mad, but she wanted to stop seeing me and that it was quite the red flag and reminded her of one of her shitty exes (not A, if I'm not mistaken) as well she said I was a bit too invasive of her personal space on our dates and that it made her uncomfortable (which I agree with, I should've known better). I apologized profusely and appeared to forgive me. I thought I had resolved it and we could continue just as friends.  
She got mad at A because he showed me the tiktok. I tried to get her to understand that tiktok is a public forum and that I would inevitably see it and she shouldn't be mad at him. She then said it wasn't that, she felt he'd been stalking her. He applied at her workplace and supposedly some of A's friends came into one of her classes and started staring at her and talking. I told A this, he didn't even know about his friends doing that and I completely believe him. He said he applied to her job because his friend said he could get him an interview and easy job there. That's how M got her job. I don't know if this was a lie but it's not important. He agreed he shouldn't have applied to it, it was a really bad look.  
I got to school the next day and at lunch Y told me M was having a mental breakdown. Y said M thought I was just like A, and that I liked W not M, and that I had only liked M for her body and that if we kept dating M expected me to eventually cheat on her, possibly with W. This was of course all false, but M was clearly being very paranoid. I had lunch with two uninvolved male friends and explained this all to them. They found the shenanigans rather entertaining and gave some good advice. I texted M asking if she was ok, telling her what Y told me. She said she was fine in a way that made it excruciatingly obvious she wasn't fine, but Y told me to not get involved so I didn't. I didn't talk to M in Wednesday or today, but she did like a comment I made on the weekend on one of her Instagram posts at lunch today (it was just a little joke, she responded and it made it look like she was cool with me again). I thought there was peace at last, and I could resume being friends with her, though I had no intentions to keep dating her.  
Also on Monday, A (who I've been friends with for over a year) told me that he'd been having suicidal thoughts and didn't think he'd survive to 2022. I told him I didn't really know how to help but I car about him and want him to live, and if he ever feels like he needs to we can talk or hang out. He said that M is convinced that his depression is entirely invented specifically to hurt her because "he loves seeing [M] be hysterical" according to her.  
I talked to A today in the class we have together and I mentioned that M said she was gonna ghost him due to what she thought was stalking (I don't know if he really intended it but I can see from her perspective how this would be a reasonable conclusion for an NT girl to make, nevermind a BPD girl). I suggested he should respect this and, for his own sake (these two are like heroin for eachother), it might be good for him to block and ghost her himself to ensure it. I thought this would be a favor to them both.  
Later on that day, A texted me that me saying M send him something on snapchat. He didn't know what to do. It was apparently just a little joke, which I found odd because she said she was gonna ghost him. I said he couldn't keep going through this cycle. He agreed. I saw Y later in her spare (I skipped my class for a little bit to talk to her about it). Y told me that this was pretty smart and she's been trying to get them away from eachother for months, but never thought of getting A to ghost M. We got A to block her on everything with proof. Y and I were very proud of him and very happy.  
Then M called me around 5 PM today. I have never seen someone be so mad at me in my life. She was yelling about how much she hated me for convincing him and that she wanted nothing to do with me and never wanted to see me again. I told her go ahead because this past week has been insanely stressful because of her. She accused me of trying to be a "savior" (this is something an ex of mine from well over a year ago told me, that I had a savior complex. This ex is still somewhat friends with M. There was legitimacy with my ex. There is not with M, imo). M's reaction honestly is everything I needed to know A and I made the right decision. She also phoned Y and yelled at her too. Glad I didn't keep dating her, that's for sure.  
And now I'm here. M is convinced I'm out to get her or something. I'm not sure what she thinks of Y right now but they usually make peace historically. I did a bunch of reading on BPD and have been lurking this sub since Monday to get an idea. Oh my god I did not understand what I was getting into this is a truly terrible illness. I feel so hard those with BPD.  
I don't really care what M thinks about me, cuz I know in my heart I do care about her and want her to be happy and overcome the horrific illness. She really is a lovely, wonderful girl, but she's just unbearable when she's having an episode. I really appreciated the very few brief moments of goodness we shared together this past month. I won't be talking to her again most likely (thank God) definitely won't be her friend, though I wish her the best. She just causes me too much stress. I just really hope she doesn't hurt herself or anyone else because of this. I know I tried my best to manage this all but I am very young and was woefully unprepared for it.  
Wow that was a long post. I just wanted to get all my thoughts out on this. If there's something you guys can add, recommend or want me to understand I greatly welcome it and thank you graciously.  
Also if the mods want me to change anything about this post I totally will. I'm just trying to understand this disorder, why M acts the way she does and what the best path forward is, mashallah ❤️.   
In the non zero chance M sees this, I just wanna say to you: your friends really love you, Y really loves you. You're a cool girl and I totally agree we should stay away from eachother. I'm sorry for hurting you, it's your choice of you want to forgive me or not. Goodbye.