After spending an entire afternoon reading about nihilism, something triggered another part of me that is really psychopathic and broke up with my fiancee. Immediate regret after and one day later we're back together, but I feel like I made the worst mistake of my life. The person that broke it off wasn't the real me. And now she's sleeping at a friends house because my parents wont let her come in again. She helped me with BPD for 4 months since diagnosed. We're looking for apartments together to rent, because I can't stand my family. I'm extremelly depressed and took 3 xans, maybe will smoke weed later. I just feel like the worst.