Hiya - so I went to uni (and now am working) in another country than the one I was raised in. I work 40h a week managing a bar (with my contract stating I should only be working 5/7 days a week) - I have no annual leave (as I work on a university contract, so I get my holidays the same times students do if that makes sense), so taking official time off isn’t something I’m allowed to do.

The dilemma is, I’ve been chronically ill since xmas - just on/off being sick, being tired from being sick, and repeat.  I miss my parents and sibling horribly, and I remember when I was having anxiety attacks when I started this job, seeing them was very helpful and made me feel more grounded.

so I am now flying home (on Sunday) to see them in home country. I won’t be back until Tuesday afternoon.

I’m so anxious - if I go I’m scared I’ll get yelled at by my boss for not being in on a Monday / taking leave when I’m not entitled to it, and I’m missing some important things (meetings, product deliveries etc). I’ve got people to cover me but I’m scared it’s not enough.
If I don’t go, ill be so upset with myself, because I only get to see my parents once every 3 months normally, so being able to go back for a weekend was something I was really looking forward to. I always love seeing them, and I’ve been so demotivated and sad and stressed and tired recently I think it would help, but I’m so anxious at the thought of going.


Do I go? And stress the whole time.
Or not go? And potentially feel even worse until I can next see them (which won’t be until mid-April).

(Sorry if formatting is bad I’m on mobile)
Idk if it’s written in amazing English either but am very panicky at the moment and some advice would be much appreciated.