So I went out on Saturday for the first time in more than a year which is amazing in itself as I’ve struggled to leave the house or go to new places in more than a year. But I still had a panic attack 🥺 so I was speaking to this guy for a week and a bit and was getting mixed signals from him (just got out of a relationship but still wanted to talk) and met him briefly while out. I was talking to him through the night and ended up inviting him to come to my friends house. I’d set boundaries before hand and my friends parents and siblings were there so it literally was just going to be hanging out. However my other friend texted me saying she had been assaulted and that he was going to do the same to me which freaked me out big style. I knew logically it wouldn’t happen and my friend was reassuring me but it sent me into a spiral of a panic attack. You know how it goes, it doesn’t matter what’s said once a panic attack occurs it’s really hard to go back Anyway we ended up cancelling him coming over which he seemed pissed about and I ended up going home to go to bed. 

I ended up texting him early in the morning (still drunk) telling him the above and he reacted so badly, saying that I was disgusting for thinking that and he never wants to speak to me again. I feel so bad but it wasn’t that I thought he was going to (he thinks I did), it’s just it sent me into a panic attack. 

I feel like I’ve blown it big style and will struggle to meet new people and go to new places. I hate anxiety, why can’t I do normal things