So, it has been a good while since I found out I had a diagnosis of BPD that was hidden from me from when I was a teen (I am 22 now). Since then, I have really taken charge in my wellness and have made so much progress. Left and right, supports are telling me how well I am doing, how physically healthy I am (diagnosed with anorexia 3 years ago now in remission), how much I've changed since realizing BPD needs a lot of personal work and meds won't fix me.

However, I'm scared. I'm scared of doing well. I know the better I do, the less support I get. I don't want to let go of that "sick" role, where people cared for me. I am scared of sustaining this all on my own.

None of my supports have abandoned me yet, but I know they will the longer I am well. Fewer appointments, less check-ins, less weigh-ins, less support. What if I get in crisis while I don't have support? Or I get worse again? How will I cope without doctors and social workers etc.

So, this has been a big block in my recovery. I can't enjoy how well I am doing because I don't feel "sick" anymore. I guess I fear abandonment? I fear what a healthy life looks like after struggling since I was 12?

What are your thoughts?