I don't know how many times I've read multiple variations of the same theme: do not get into a relationship until you are fixed, basically. Do not get into a relationship until you know yourself. Do not get until a relationship until you feel like you can survive without the other person. Do not get into a relationship until you master dbt skills. Do not get into a relationship if you are borderline. Do not get into a relationship until you get therapy. If you don't know what love is. If you're codependent. If you're a love addict. Et cetera.

And sure. Seems fair, to the other person. Which is very important. But to the people who HAVE completed dbt courses? Who have been in therapy 10 years? Who are on meds? Who are trying, honestly, trying, but living with trauma and a debilitating personality disorder and other life circumstances makes it so hard to just live? They don't deserve that?

I get it. I get why people say you shouldn't. But how? How, other than moving to the forest and becoming a hermit, are you supposed to keep yourself from developing relationships? After all, we are supposed to be trying to be normal people, yes? Don't those usually have friends, go on dates? I just don't understand. Don't you think if it was as easy as saying sorry, I can't become close to you, I would? I would have half my BRAIN removed if they told me I would stop hurting people and being in so much pain so the time. If it was as simple as not falling in love, I'd say sign me TF up. 

I know there's no easy answer, no solution. But every post I see that says "don't get into a relationship until..." Makes me hurt even more. 

Thoughts?