Am I alone in this or is there anyone who feels the same way?

Once in life ,  just once in life, i want to cry and scream in someone arms taking out all the pain i feel inside but i know, no person will feel comfortable with that. I am tired.  I am just tired,I want to give up this fake persona of being strong man.  I want to give up this image of person who got all things together. I am not indifferent as I pretend to be . I am not cold as people perceive me to be . I f*****g care even the little things that most of people will not even notice, it just they are vocal and I am pretentious. People think I am cynical but cynicism help me to cope with disappointment. I am cynical doesn't mean I don't care in the way other people do. It helps me to remind me whatever I do is for my self interest not because of anything else. Even loving someone or helping someone I do because that makes me feel like better person   that give me sort of satisfaction   yes I see everything I do in this way that doesn't mean  I don't feel thankful towards other people who do things for me   who give me enough thought to ask how I am doing or doing things for me. I feel immensely thankful towards them because they thought of me to do things for me. They make me feel I matter which is something everyone wants to feel. I say things which makes me look cold and cynical but that help me to make sure I don't victimise myself. To make sure I don't blame people for my feelings as I should be responsible for that . To remind myself I did out of self interest so I should stop whining as people are responsible   so that I stop feeling someone owe something to me because  I did something for them . To remind myself I am not important as I would like to be to someone as its okay.  I don't know what I am writing but I feel like writing.  It probably doesn't make sense but I just want to feel relatable to someone if someone is out there I guess