What does it feel like to be on medication? I'm terrified that I'm not going to be myself anymore (this is my biggest fear in everything, I hate that people can't accept me for who I am now, I hate the thought of my personality changing, I hate the thought that I have to be drugged up to be a normal person) but I am ready I think for that change. 

Whenever I get super bad mood swings, where I can't help by tear my skin apart I normally take one of my mums Endones and it helps a lot, like.. it feels like my emotions are stable, it feels like I can do anything with a clear head, it feels like I can speak without fear of anything. Is this what medication is like? The proper stuff?
Will it give me my motivation back?

I just.. don't want to change too much? I still want to be me, I don't want these drugs to make me a mindless zombie. 