Temp account for obvious reasons.


I have gone through nothing but turmoil all my life. I was born to a shitty place, with a horribly disfunctional family, abused and bullied by my peers, rejected and ostracized despite my best intentions and multiple attempts of bettering myself, shouldered responsibilities I've genuinely seen grown men break under as a teenager, done it without thanks or support. Only emasculated, ridiculed, mocked, disrespected, unappreciated and hated.


I finally broke. I haven't been able to function for months now. The responsibility is still on my shoulder, though now it stands on a broken back. I feel like I have nothing to lean on. It feels like I could've maybe leaned on having a good social circle to cope with everything else, or maybe been able to peruse my now-dead passions to escape from everything else. But everywhere I look, I see horror, and feel nothing but pain.


At 22 years old, not a night has gone by since I was 9 where I haven't begged God to take me. It seems even he, in all his wisdom, has elected to abandon me too. The help of professionals is beyond me too, due to location/economical situation. 


I'm not looking for sympathy. If you have nothing but kind words to offer, then I kindly ask you to keep them to yourself. While well-intentioned and appreciated, I'm looking for actual advice. How are you supposed to spend the rest of your years truly and completely broken.