I've been dependent on somebody for four and a half years now. I was a minor when we met, he was 23. It started out as a long-distance FWB sort of thing. I was in love with him from the start, but I knew things wouldn't work out romantically, so I kept it to myself. Three years later, we suddenly got very close, and we began a (fairly serious) relationship.

We dated for about a year, all in all, but had a very violent breakup. It was the most intense and passionate romance of my life, the only thing that's ever meant anything to me. It gave me a reason to exist. It was awful and abusive, mind you, but I loved every second of it because it was HIM.

He's been gone for about a year now, officially. When we first split, I went on a sex binge, which ended up alienating me from the people I was closest to. And then I had a real moment of weakness during the summer, when I spent about a month drunk out of my mind in a foreign country. I emailed him some during that time, but it only made the situation worse. I then had a phase where I was completely dictated by impulsive thoughts, which made me completely erratic and unpredictable (and stopped me from driving). And now, earlier this week, he sent me a message to taunt me about how I still pine for him. And I've been on a drug binge ever since!

I don't want to hurt myself any more, but whenever he comes around, I completely fall apart. I know I need to let him go, as he's never going to come back into my life. I guess I'm just looking for advice. I have lots of alcohol and drugs and the ability to hurt myself in lots of ways. But I want to go about this the healthy way.

I should also mention that I'm in a relationship with someone else right now. We live together, and he's really good for me. But he signed onto this relationship with the mindset that I'd eventually fall out of love with my ex. A year later, that hasn't happened, and there are no signs of this changing. It's gotten to the point where I'm too embarrassed to tell him the extent of my negative thoughts.

Any advice onto how to quit loving someone you haven't properly spoken to in a year? And how to stop self-destructing at every given opportunity?