i didn't graduate high school in 2020 because January of that year i started having debilitating panic attacks and having to stay home due to the pandemic didn't help that and health anxiety spiraled into 2021 and beyond. i used to be in all gifted and advanced classes, just to end up failing. i can't get myself to at least get my GED because i "need to get over my mental health issues" first. which i had no clue what it all really was besides severe depression and anxiety. now i know it's BPD. i can't hold jobs. hell i'm not even qualified (in the eyes of society) for the jobs that i'd like. i love music and art and would call myself a pretty talented person who'd like to create music, fashion and film for a livelihood, yet, every creation i make i delete it and throw it away because it's not good enough for me. people still see the "brilliance" in me. i've always had "so much potential" and was "one of the smartest in the class" but it gets harder and harder to see that. sometimes i do see it. when i'm listening to music and i'm on this high where i envision myself exactly where i wanna be. then i come back to reality and see that where i truly am is not there. then i just feel like a failure. and to get people to understand that all in itself is so hard. this is a vent post and it's late so its probably very hard to read through but if you did i appreciate you so much. keep on keeping on :)