Hello everyone!

So I go into these waves of acute anxiety.  Sometimes there’s a definite trigger (work, family, friends, all compounded) and in those instances I understand it more but I still feel so… useless.

Let me explain. When I get like this, I fear communication of any kind. I don’t leave my room, my phone is on DND or off, I actively avoid people in the hallways of my accommodation and will NOT go into the kitchen even if I am starving if there’s anyone there. Emails will send me into a full panic. Same with various app notifications- most recently it’s been LinkedIn. 

Has anyone else experienced this?

I have had anxiety for many years but it has never been like this. Instead of progressing I regress. I understand that life has its ebbs and flows.. but it has never been like this until recently. 

What do you mean I’m too scared to communicate? I don’t understand it I feel embarrassed and almost insane.

Moreover, it’s such an issue and it affects my life so much. When I get like this, I don’t communicate with friends- I can’t, I’ve messed up a lot of friendships bc of this. Conversations with my family are so hard and I have to will myself to talk to them. In February it was so bad I lost 15 pounds and didn’t have any communication with anyone other than my partner for a month and a half. I’m ruining all my friendships and I am so aware that it sounds ridiculous 

I’m the common denominator in all these instances. It’s always my fault and it’s such a weird thing.

I am worried about my future. I feel like a failure of a human being. Like an empty vessel. A coward. 

I guess I just wanted to vent. Thank you. Any advise is welcome