This is a vent/rant about how I attract men who are emotionally/mentally and even physically abusive without actually knowing it. It's literally happened so often in my life so far where I'll be my good, light hearted self and then a guy will show interest. The guy at first is nice or interesting or intelligent or just attractive and shows zero signs of being in any way disturbed or different. The kicker, is a lot of these guys will in the first few getting-to-know-them meetings will even say things like how they try to live a 'peaceful life' and they don't like 'conflict or drama' and when I might open up a little and maybe tell them how I dated a guy in my past who turned out to be mentally abusive and how it sort of made me paranoid, they'll even look at me with big sad eyes and say things like 'wow, that's really sick..' 

Fast forward to a month or a little over in and suddenly same guys are showing all sorts of red flags. Calling me 'crazy' for saying what I don't like from them (something about their attitude, or maybe them being late, or them doing something a little off that most girls wouldn't like) or they start to say things like how I 'shouldn't feel that way' and how 'it's not a big deal' and then this progresses quite quickly into bad attitudes, silent treatments, making me feel like I'm annoying them by wanting to kiss or hug them at certain times and then I start to feel my inner happiness go down and down until it implodes.

I may have BPD, which heightens my emotional vulnerabilty, but these guys definitely sensed something in me that they were attracted to because they are naturally emotionally and mentally abusive and someone like me is bound to draw the attention away from their actions and onto mine because of my sensitivity. So instead of them being called out for their shitty behaviour, they might get to point at me for my usually emotional phonecalls or texts and call me 'crazy' or 'unstable' ..... ugh so annoying. Literally happening to me right now too, but I'm trying to refrain from getting emotional and getting triggered so that the bad behaviour is only from this guy so that when I break it off from him (carefully and over the next week as not to be a 'dramatic crazy girl') I'll still have my credibility and also feel good about my ability to control my emotions and conquer my BPD tendencies a little more. 