(Disclaimer - I am not asking for a diagnosis please read thoroghly)

If you want to skip me talking about my symptoms/ venting about it then go to the ▶️▶️▶️ but the rest is helpful info ig

Im 18, but all my life, things about autism have always resonated with me.. and growing up, a lot of my friends happened to be autistic because I felt more comfortable with them, I felt like I could relate with them a lot and so I was naturally drawn to them... whereas I felt extremely different and out of place with other kids/people and its still that way today. I always feel so disconnected from neurotypical people, I feel like I have to hide who I am constatly...I cant be myself anywhere and Im on the edge now.. if I hide myself for any longer I dont think I can do this anymore. I hate being around neurotypical people... I feel like Im acting normal at times but then people tell me Im super weird that I overshare that Im too much to handle and Idk what to do anymore im not even exaggerating when I say I have NO friends WHATSOEVER I literally dont talk to anyone and its killing me slowly.... I hate being around people but to truly have no one at all... I at least want 2 or 3 friends that I can talk to sometimes and maybe hang out with occasionally but I have literally no one to talk to when Im bored, no one to rely on for support, no one to laugh with or send memes to.... no one. Im not even comfortable around my family that I live with, I have to fake my personality all hours of the day even at home... my brother is 25 and my sister is 16 and even talking to them I get left out and ignored because Im weird and annoying

I dont even know how to explain it but every single symptom of ASD resonates with me... Ive gone to therpay since I was 13 (5 years) and Ive never been honest about what Im going through because I feel like my therapist would drop me and send me to someone else because they dont know how to deal with me or tell me that im attention seeking. I was always different. When I was 8 I threw a desk at a girl because she was chewing gum with her mouth open and it gave me a panic attack I have severe issues with all mouth sounds and certain things like touching trampolines material makes me vomit and cry also tomatoes or the smell of seafood... just a whole bunch of intense sensory issues but my family makes fun of me for it instead of respecting me. Ive been bullied my whole life and excluded from every group because Im too weird too loud and people think I talk about myself a lot but I dont even realize I do it I just get excited but the fact that everyone hates me makes me wanna die bro I cant stress that enough I hate how weird I am and I just want it to make sense.....

This is kind of besides the point, but Ive been diagnosed with Adhd so I saw this sound on tiktok that was like "put a finger down very specific adhd edition, I dare you to blind react" I really did blind react, I ended up putting every finger down but at the end he was like "SURPRISE THESE ARE ALL AUTISM SYMPTOMS if you relate you should probably talk to your therapist about it" and I just cried my eyes out because Ive been thinkijg about it so much lately and I really feel like Im autistic and I want to get the right diagnosis and therapy if I do have it


▶️▶️▶️Thats the main point. Im asking yall if I should talk to my therapist about seeing if I have autism. Ive been considering it for MONTHS but Im scared because I dont want her to think Im self diagnosing and being like ig a hypochondriac with mental issues??? Idek how to explain but Im scared idk if should ask her because idk if its normal to get autism misdiagnosed or to get a late diagnosis but at the same time Ive never been honest or talked about any of this to anyone especially therapists. It sounds weird but I feel the most uncomfortable and judged in therapy so Ive never cried or gotten emotional or talked about HOW I FEEL, just my situation at home.... everything when I look it up online is like AUTISM IN CHILDREN and DOES YOUR CHILD HAVE AUTISM and CHILD AUTISM THERPY and its like idk... I feel weird because its been made into this thing where if you dont get diagnosed at fucking 5 years old then youre not autistic??? I just dont know what to do I need help I am suffering, if Im autistic I want to be in like a support group and make friends that have it too... Im just so lost right now. 


Should I ask my therpasist?


(Sorry for the grammar and spelling mistakes but Im really stressed and I want to talk to someone about this asap because ive been DYING to get this off my chest basically my whole life so its urgent for me)