I have friends.
I have family.
I know how lucky i am.
Theres been abuse and trama but i still talk to them. Like many in the world right now im in lockdown. I'm a 31 yo woman who lives alone and can't work because this disorder is still winning most days.

My friends have taught me to work on my self love and i am but they all think once i love myself i won't be lonely anymore. I disagree.
I'm meant to be part of a team. I can look after myself better when i have someone, anyone with me to talk to.
I know I shouldn't need that.
I know how childish that makes me sound.

My last partner manipulated my illness. I needed him more when i was things were bad. It's taken me years to get over and now im in a place where i can say I'm ready to move on but how...

There's a pandemic, there's bigger problems in my life and in the world than me being alone. I get that i do. I'm just lonely and i wanted to tell someone who wouldn't put it down to my self image problems.

Your all beautiful people. If you go through this, this personality disorder that makes us feel like we are going mad and the world is mad around us.
I think about suicide alot. I wish I didn't. I wish it wasn't always behind the curtain calling to me.

I don't want to die! I don't! I just don't want to feel this way forever.

Thank you. Stay safe x