You know, I’ve seen some pretty terrible shit, experienced horrible things. I’m not sure for how long the abuse was going on. But I can remember hiding in my closet crying, hands over my ears as my sister would basically be fist fighting with my mom. Eventually my sister left so the focus was on my twin brother and I. 

For almost 13 years the abuse went on and it was mostly directed at me since I would intentionally instigate my mom so she’d leave my brother alone. After years of trying to get help I snapped. She wouldn’t stop hitting him and she didn’t listen when I told her to stop. She had him by the shirt and wouldn’t let go so I ripped his shirt off and shoved him outside, locking him out. He knew what was going to happen. 

I blacked out, I just remember hearing my heart in my ears then “waking up” with blood on my hands, I still had ahold of her, fist raised. To this day I don’t regret it. I was around 14 then I think. I left and eventually the cops picked me up. They didn’t care about the abuse I suffered. To them I was the bad guy. I was shipped off to a mental institution. That place was hell too, mistreatment was the norm. I got dysentery there and they waited weeks to even get me checked out, I lost a shit ton of weight and I guess they were worried about being held accountable if I died. 

One day I was told a case worker was coming to talk to me about the abuse. They gave me shots of Thorazine because I “needed to calm down.” I was perfectly calm though. I just remember I kept asking them why they were doing this to me, I hadn’t done anything. They threw me in this concrete room with a big deadbolt door and a bubble window on it. When the lady came I couldn’t even talk to her, I was fading in and out and I tried to tell her what they had done and I couldn’t talk. In my mind the words were there but I couldn’t get them out. She left and never came back. 

I later found out my brother was paid 300 bucks to stay quiet about it. He was also still living with her so I’d understand why he’d make that deal. She basically had manipulated my whole extended family into thinking I was just crazy. Sure I was fucked up but it was because of what was done to me. To this day my sister acts like nothing ever happened often saying things like, “that’s in the past.” I guess that’s her way of dealing with it. 


I regret not killing that woman who called herself my mother. If I had known she wouldn’t face any consequences...moving across the country has been the best thing that has ever happened.