 

i do not want something painful so i can just hang myself up but it is hard to do too. i guess i can jump off a cliff, but there is no cliff nor sea. should i cut myself? i do not know. should i stab myself? somebody. please help me. i want to be normal. loveable. not lonely. i want to be a part of something, feel a connection with somebody.

"just term... you have family, friends."

do i? everybody's going to leave eventually, i'm not saying "everybody's going to abandon me" but that's the truth. i do want to be with them but i feel so useless, feel like they do not even want me around them.

i do not think i deserve to breath anymore. i am really useless. i always screw up. i do not really have a place, i'm just a pretender. everyday is depressing for me, doing the same thing. pretending like i am just fine outside.

i'm at my limit seriously, i do not live at home so i do not know how am i going to kill myself. i do not want feel like a human anymore.