So today I finally came clean to my friend's family I became close to that the reason I sought them out wasn't because of kindness, it was because I wanted to stay close to a reminder of my dead friend. I've destroyed 11 years worth of friendship by doing so. They don't trust me anymore and they've got every right not to. I'll probably never see my two honorary nephews again, who I care deeply for.

And I deserve it. I deserve to be treated like the scum of the earth because that's what I am. I'm not a kind person. I'm not a good person. I'm pathetic. My friend made one mistake and that was to treat me well. He acted as though he cared for me. My thoughts and opinions mattered to him.

He shouldn't have done that. He got my hopes up and made me believe I was actually worth something. He should've just ignored me or made fun of me just like everyone else.

I'm sorry. I'm in a bad spot right now.