Hi /r/bpd. As the title says I'm 17, and yesterday I was diagnosed borderline. My psychiatrist said he had suspected this for a while, but it wasn't till yesterday, as I described more and more of its symptoms, that he felt comfortable in actually diagnosing it. Previously, I was thought to be bipolar (my mom is, and my maternal side of the family has a history with it) but that didn't quite fit.

I guess in one respect, this is nice. Because it's good to have a word to describe how I feel, and it makes a lot of things clearer. If I'm ever able to tell my friends, I guess that might explain a lot of my outbursts to them.

But it's also scary. I've always felt really sad for my mom, because her bipolar is pretty severe and it's depressing to think she'll never really be able to shed that label. But now here I am. Not the same thing, but another lifelong diagnosis.

I'm trying to be positive about this, I really am. But it's difficult. I have a lot of trouble trusting people and no one really understands me, the way I think or the way I talk, most things about me. This doesn't change any of that (positively or negatively). I guess I don't really know what I'm trying to say.

I sort of just need someone to listen. Most of my friends care a lot, or they try, but they're the sorts that say "Look, I care about you and I want to help, but if you don't try harder, then this just isn't worth it for me." (I have a tendency to see the worst, or find others hating me, but that was taken word for word from a message from one of my friends. The others aren't much different.) I have two friends who actually want to listen or help me, one lives thousands of miles away and the other goes to my school. But sometimes two isn't enough, and I don't want to be constantly burdening the same people.

Like I said, maybe I just need someone to listen. Not reply, or fix, or pity me, just to listen. I just need to get all these words out of my head, even if no one else can put them together and understand what I mean.