I’m way too much for people to deal with. Even if they’re suffering from mental illness themselves, I’m still too much. I am so impulsive, my mood swings are so intense, and I just check off every single trait someone with BPD has. I don’t think it’s possible for someone without BPD to truly understand these feelings and i know that it becomes too much for them to deal with. I drain people and i can be a really negative force in their life and I wish I could control it. This usually ends up with people leaving me because they just can’t take it anymore. 

I’m well aware of how terrible a relationship between two borderlines can end up, but I can’t help but think that’s the only way I’d find someone who truly understands me and won’t leave me. Is the only way I’ll ever be happy with someone and be able to stay with them forever if they have BPD too? Do I have to stop wishing that someone would stay and understand me? I ruin everything I just don’t know how much more I can keep wasting my time and energy before I snap.