I've been depressed for so long... my meds have helped me function and most days I can just pretend I'm fine. I push all the bad away and u can do what I need to, I'm everyone else's support.

But... there's so much. I just want it to be simple. I want to go back, it was so much easier then and I didn't even appreciate it. 

I have been trying so hard at everything I do, but I feel like a failure. Have my two years of uni been a waste? I have so much student debt and if I don't succeed by the end of next year it'll all be for nothing  .. I always feel like I'm just that bit behind. I'm never as good as I have to be.

Everyone says to just ignore everyone else's success and focus on your own but... how can I ignore it?

I don't know .. my partner doesn't understand, I've tried talking about it so many times and it's so lonely... sometimes I fantasise about getting cancer or going into a coma just so nobody expects anything of me, or so I can be some tragic protagonist but if I'm honest with myself I know that if those things happened to me I'd be the most pathetic person... I'd scream and cry and die and leave nothing behind