Is it common to devalue a family member etc that you truly admire and hold in high esteem and respect and look up to and actually desire their love and affection simply because you feel they’ve been neglectful toward you or not shown you the love/care/respect you feel you should have from them?

I have an aunt who I have always looked up to and always wish she was my mother she is successful, empathetic, and when I was a teen I always thought she was fun and cool she knew how to cook or my mother was a terrible cook and she was into all the things I was into. I was always super jealous of her daughter who she is super close to and wished that could have been me. Throughout the years and were times where she was kind and considerate of me and made an effort to be in my life and be supportive when I needed someone to talk to etc. since my mother is emotionally absent and never fill that role for me she’s also my godmother. 

However there’s been quite a few times recently where I feel she’s fallen short and being there for me the way I expect and sometimes outright blow me off or not celebrated some special occasions I hoped her to visit to be a part of I’m finding myself kind of disgusted by her at this point and feeling angry feelings is this a devalue? It’s confusing because I know if she were to apologize and tell me she wants to be in my life again and kind towards me I would definitely no longer devalue and see her as I once did. 

Now it’s almost to the point where I hate her and I find myself insulting her in my mind for different characteristics she has her stupid laugh how shallow she is with money and status and Anytime another family member mentions that she came over or saw her I’m kind of disgusted like screw her for not coming to my place I guess I don’t mean anything to her so she’s dead to me now and it’s becoming more anger than hurt the longer it goes on for is this common?