Hi, I am 27F, married to a wonderful, kind and patient man. We have an almost 18 month old son(preemie). I'm struggling with being a mother. I've been researching parenting since I was 14 years old, but this is so much harder then I ever thought. I'm struggling with being emotionally distant with my son. I don't want to mess him up and burden him with a disorder. I also am a highly sensitive person, I believe my mom has covert narcissism and ADD, my dad has issues too. I have three brothers, one older and two younger who still live nearby my parents, and I believe they all have something: Autistic and OCD, ADD and BPD. We live 5 hours away from them, I am at zero contact with my parents. My parents have chosen to indulge their selfishness and let their mental illness control them and they refuse to accept responsibility and own up to what they did. They prefer to be the helpless fragile victims. 

We live on a farm and try to grow all our own food and practice regenerative ag. I love this lifestyle. 

I'm looking for resources on being a great parent who struggles with their BPD. Does anyone know of books, blogs or videos?   


My son is so adorable, he gets commented on that a lot. He is very busy, active gets into everything, a avid climber, loves breastfeeding and cosleeping and babywearing. We started doing diaper free the last couple months and it's going pretty well(He figured out how to take his diaper off, so that was the end of that. Lol) Not talking yet, lots of babbling. He is so much fun, he is doing that when you laugh and through your head back, it's so cute. 

I want to be the mother he needs. I want for him to grow up knowing that my struggles aren't his fault, they are my responsibility. For him to know and feel deeply cared for and loved, and safe. That he can express the fullness of all his emotions and mommy can handle it and understand him. That he experiences the invitation to be himself and the invitation to express all that is within him. We parent from the developmental approach, so no punishments are used. We set clear limits and tell him no. Discipline is about gently guiding and providing that safe and nurturing place for the tears of futility to flow. We are against the use of spankings and time outs(Behavioralism). We focus on where he is at developmentally. I love parenting this way, it's so much more freeing and fun, focusing on understanding development and meeting needs instead of trying to figure out which punishment we should use to stop this or that behavior. The focus is getting to the root of where that behavior is coming from and addressing it.   


Thanks for listening! :)