I’m afraid of going to the doctor because I’ve had heart issues in the past, I’m 24. I haven’t been to therapy since I was like 9, I remember having multiple. I’ve basically been on my own ( making my own decisions as far as my future goes ) since I was 13 when my mothers ex husband ( my youngest brothers father )coerced me into leaving the house &amp; testifying in court against my mother. I will never forget that, I will never forget the look on my mothers face when I took her kids away from her. It makes me sick &amp; I want to fucking rip my forearms open vertically. 

We are all together now after what feels like decades, I know that I’m depressed. It’s what I don’t know that I’m afraid of, they know I hate myself &amp; they know they can’t help me &amp; I can barely get out of my own way. I’ve been working since I was 14 but I could never hold a job for more than a year up until now. It bothers me that there are so many things unanswered from the trauma that took place &amp; I want to know how to fix it &amp; how to live with it so we can finally be at peace with each other.

I think it’s important that I say that we all love each other very much, I know we would all die for each other &amp; we all break bread any chance we get. We are all moderately happy, we are somewhat financially stable. I think individually we all need therapists. 

Id like to hear what people have to say about this because I don’t talk about it at all. I really don’t associate with anyone but my family.