Crazy is when you yell too much, act bipolar, not learning your lessons while doing the same thing over and over. Insanity is when reality and everything you precieve as real is ripped to pieces in front of you and it traumatizes you. You know its real but accepting the truth leads you further down the rabbit hole. You see a different side to this thing called life. Something most people dont see. You feel cursed, damned, broken, limp in your hands, a puddle of a human being and alone. Nobody knows what its like except an occasional prophet of doom you cross paths with perhaps. The term religious mania was popularized in the early 20th century. Funny I dont hear people throwing that term around anymore, you're either insane or a churchgoer. 

I went to this hospital thinking I would get better quality service than the inner city where I lived, worst mistake I ever made. I walked in wanting to get evaluated by a doctor. I was under high stress and isolation in college. I was staying up for days and not eating to the point it concerned my parents.

The main ER waiting room wasnt a problem at all but once I was sent back into a holding room for psych patients it got really weird. The nurses at the nurses station started talking like they were an alien species and it freaked me out. They were tormenting this mentally ill guy, calling up his daughter on the phone and then made him confess to her that he wanted to have sex with her. By the end of it, he was calling himself "Kathy" the name of the head nurse and on my way back from the bathroom I saw him in his waiting room masturbating like crazy and crying. This was still technically the ER mind you, not the psych ward.

After they gave me some juice I fell asleep for what seemed like a few hours (I had no clue what time it was when I woke up, they took my phone, there was no clock and the room was windowless) and nurse Kathy yells "How long have you been here?" Since she was there when I first arrived she should have known and it was probably still the same shift. Nonetheless she laughed and said something like "It doesn't matter, it's groundhog day, every day is the same" Since it was a windowless room it could have been several days how could I have known?

When the doctor showed up I tried to tell him something was wrong with the nurses but he just looked at me like I was crazy and needed to be admitted. Once he left again, Kathy walked up to my chair got in my face and said "Life is hard" and then ended her shift.

After that things started to get insane. The nurses were yelling to each other back and forth, saying they couldn't believe it, acting like a catastrophe was happening outside. I started pacing because I was getting really anxious and did not want to be admitted to a place like this. The nurse looked up at me pacing and said "Crazy" and went back to acting like a lunatic herself. It seemed like everyone in that room was sped up, walking back and forth super fast.

Finally it all went to hell when I put my hands on the exit door. The security and nurses tackled me, saying "He's breaking programming!" and it terrified me. They secured me in a chair and gave me a needle in the arm and then dragged me to a back room where they threw me onto a bed and bound me to it, not before ripping my hospital pants off (with no underwear underneath). I was exposed and trembling like crazy as they laughed and gathered around me, speaking in words I could never pronounce, speaking like bug people, or some weird demonic language. "All because the serbs were dying" the one nurse groaned in the background, arms crossed, looking at me with contempt.

This black security guard was hovering right over my face, his eyes wide with excitement and then looked at the guy across him and said "We got one" He was giddy.

At that point I thought they were going to murder me and I must have passed out because a few minutes later the room was dark. I was still on the bed but unbound and still without my pants. I was in a trance, not knowing what was happening. Once I left the room I realized a new shift started with different people working and a male nurse shouted at me asking why I was wearing no pants.

They soon put me in a wheelchair to be sent over to the psych ward, not without first passing Kathy, back at work and smiling at me with fake, almost taunting sympathy. I was rocking back in forth I must have looked deranged.

In that psych ward, I believe an MK ultra experiment was happening. Mind you, this was 2016, right before stranger things and all the conspiracies started going mainstream about Mk ultra. I only pieced this together later and thought my experience on the ward was similar to the conditions explained in those 1970s interviews of victims.

They gave me medication without telling me what it was. They gave me something that made it difficult for me to breathe and when I was freaking out on the floor, crying for help. The nurses said "lets give him some air" and opened the back patio door. Thing is, it was freezing temperatures out, snow everywhere and the patio was obviously closed off. They said "go on, go out there" and I didnt want to. I was afraid they would let a nearby patient slam the door behind me and lock me out in the freezing cold. It wasn't paranoia, this patient was following me around everywhere taunting me nonstop.

People on that ward were really damaged, both the patients and the nurses. Their eyes would roll into the back of their heads and they would move around like literal puppets on strings. They threw this one arab guy in the dark room every day until one day, he was following me around with a broken pencil acting like he wanted to shank me with it.

I was so stressed out and terrified I couldn't swallow food from breakfast and the doctor in that morning's day room meeting watched me regurgitate my food in group with sadistic glee. There was a day I thought I was going home with my parents and when it turned out I wasnt and they left without me, the staff erupted into laughter like hyenas that echoed throughout the ward.

Thus I cant end this without telling you many of these people had demonic red or reptilian/lizard eyes. I thought I was literally living in the end times. One night when everyone was asleep, I left my room and went to talk to a security guard at a nearby table. We spoke for a moment, I forget about what but I remember him comparing me to Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and that was his favorite movie. His eyes then lit up yellow with the pupils like a serpent. I never believed in this crazy shit before then. When I saw the "footage" of reptilians online I thought they were easily manipulated and fake.

Anyway I got up and left and for the rest of my stay there I felt like I was going insane. I called it the frankenstein experiment because I was starting to look like frankenstein in the mirror. But thank god insurance wouldnt pay longer than 8 days. They had to discharge me and despite freaking me out, reading my mind and messing with me and insulting me to my face using my personal thoughts and memories but they didn't break me. They said they wanted me to have a 'melt down" I guess so they could keep me longer but I didn't so I was discharged. The following year was hell and I wont even get into that with this post.