35 year old guy who has suffered with depression for quite a bit of my life. 

I’ve always been odd. I’m the nerd who liked sport, I have friends but nothing ever close. I struggle to maintain connections to people. I get close and care about them but I just feel something missing. Even my family, I care about them so much but at the same time I could go months and wouldn’t pass my mind. I’m married to a woman who gives me everything and I care for her more than anyone ever. But still times were I just go blank and I even think of cheating and catch myself on and say no.

I think I just wish I could be forgotten by everyone ever and just disappear. Won’t kill myself but things just get me so down I can’t do it. Even righting this is a chore, but feel I need a rant to someone.