I feel like I’m really close to ending my own life. I cant imagine myself living another year. I’ve had happy days but I haven’t been able to appreciate anything good that has happened to me. I’m so hyper focused on every bad thing that it just makes me want to end it all. The only thing that’s really stopping me is lack of a proper method and making it seem like a big deal. I don’t want anyone to care, I don’t want it to effect my family or for them to even notice. I’m trying to distance myself from everyone close to me so I can make it easier on them when I’ve finally had enough. The sad part is that I’ve been so lucky to have a decent upbringing but everything I feel right now is just my fault. I don’t have any valid reason to feel this way, so many people have had it worse. I cant even be mad at anyone else. I did it to myself and I continue to do this. I obsess over my appearance too much and it just hurts looking at myself. I cant stand to hear myself speak or let other people see me. I’m so disappointed in myself for letting this happen to me. I don’t think I’ll be able to get out this mindset and as soon as the time is right, I’ll probably take the east way out. Man this sucks.