I think the most hardest thing in life is realizing that no one is going to save you. You yourself have to save yourself it’s not anybody else’s job. 

I am going through a rough time right now. Let me tell you… how I wish someone could just hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok. The worst part is that you do that for everyone else but no one does that for you. I feel like I pour myself to helping others, but there’s the part of me that hopes to be saved to be helped. 

Maybe I do it hoping that if I pour my cup to others they will do the same. It doesn’t happen. I know I am not the easiest person but I was once kind. I kept letting people take and take to the point I had nothing. I realize that it’s because of my people pleasing and also it was wrong because I expected something in return. The truth is when you do something for someone it’s with a good heart without expectation. 

I feel the need to isolate, but I’m not letting myself. I have been crying but I push myself toward to get the things I need to get done. Its hard not to slip back into that cycle because it is so familiar. A part of me doesn’t want to be in this world anymore yet I choose to stay here. It’s not for my family or anyone, but for me. I choose to stay and see if I made it this far, how far can I keep going? 

I am just rambling. But I am making a promise to myself not to give up and to stop people pleasing. To let myself enjoy life. Sure, I know it always won’t be perfect but I know I can do it. I know that I can work on myself. Even my toxic traits aren’t permanent I can change it, I can be and do better. 

If you are still reading this just know that if you’re also going to depression. 
I have something to tell you I know that  life sucks sometimes but that doesn’t mean you should give up. The truth is your journey might be hella bumpy like mine or maybe better. 

DON’T GIVE UP!

Sincerely, The Pessimist