My girlfriend has bpd and PTSD from an abusive narcissist mother. During our relationship I've discovered that I've been showing signs of retroactive jealousy, which is a form of ocd, due to her extensive sexual past which rightfully pisses her off. The few times it was brought up, she tells me things like "get over it or find someone else." Since she has bpd, obviously her manic episodes are a lot more intense than my anxiety and thoughts but she's always been a huge advocate for mental health when it comes to other illnesses. I've kept my anxiety and thoughts to myself over the course of our relationship because the few times that I've brought them up, its caused conflict between us. I focus more on understanding bpd so that I can try to help her go through her episodes when they arise which is about once a week and have just kind of pushed my own problems to the side. She especislly hates that I have this because while she was in Florida last Christmas visiting her family I acted out on my thoughts and caused several fights over text because honestly I was slut shaming her for her past. I understand that its incredibly fucked up for me to do and I guilt trip myself a lot over it, since one its none of my business and two she gets very limited time with her family since we live two states away from them. But being that that was almost 9 months ago, what little progress I have made I feel like put me in a better mindset than when we first started dating but she keeps going back to me "ruining her family vacation" ( Its worth noting that she doesnt have insurance so she can't seek therapy and I'm still on my parents plan for one more year. She reads books and watches YouTube videos as a substitute.) Today I tried to do more research on retroactive jealousy to try to better cope with my thoughts and impulsions, so I turned to youtube.  She's at work and asked what I was up to and I sent her a snap of a video that I was watching and she flipped. I tried to argue the points of "its not my fault, it's my brain having a chemical imbalance" or "I'm always there for you but I feel like you don't want to be here for me on this" and things got heavily escalated and she told me that she's breaking things off and that I should go to therapy and fix myself before we can date any further. Obviously retroactive jeslousy isn't the best thing for me to have during a serious relationship but for someone who advocates so much for mental health it seems as if she just doesn't want anything to do with this and I feel as if I'm going to have to deal with this alone. And now I have this ultimatum put on me to continuing being with the one person that I thought would understand. So reddit I need advice as to how to help her see my side of this because she just sees this as me being a jerk and refuses to see it otherwise. Therapy seems like the right choice but I'm afraid she'll split on me for going because she doesnt have that option and her case is way more severe than mine.