i went to a wedding a couple days ago and created one of those cringe memories that you'll think about 20 years from now trying to fall asleep.

i was already shitting bricks upon arrival, but after this i was almost in tears. After I arrived, I was doing my round greeting everyone there. i said hello to my cousin, and then went over to say hello to his girlfriend (whom ive only met a couple times). When I approached her, I was only expecting to say hello and then move on to the next person.. however, i got caught off guard. I said hello, she said hello, then she asked me a question to start a conversation. Oh fuck. my mind was racing trying to keep up some small talk, and eventually i just went into panic mode, turned, and walked away. I felt so embarrassed the whole rest of the wedding and tried to avoid her as much as possible. Even now i still cringe about it..

The worst part about this incident (and anxiety generally) is that I don't have any negative feelings toward her, yet she probably thinks i do from the way I acted. That or she just saw how pathetic I am socially.

I wish it was as easy for me to socialize as other people. As it stands, Im so socially anxious around those I don't know that it's going to ruin my fucking life. Im about to go to college with no one i know, and 0 social skills to make connections. Something like what happened at this wedding has happened every wedding/formal event ive gone to since I was a child. skipped every school dance too. fuck