So I constantly find myself living in the present. I chase small pleasures hoping to fill the bleakness of my life and future. 

I don’t want to die. Not really. I just want to sit. Sit and do nothing until I eventually rot. I feel stuck in my own cycle. I’m on meds, Ive done therapy, literally the only thing that would fix my life is money. And I’m so fatigued all the time I barely work. Just 3-4 days a week. 

I don’t want this to be my life. But this has been my life since I was 11. I’m stuck with me. And I’m very depressing. I buy small things to make me feel better.