I’ve had a hard time finding other discussions about this, so I thought I’d ask here.
(TW) For extra context, I’ve suffered a fair amount of sexual abuse/trauma, and as a result have become hyper-sexual and sexualised a lot of my triggers, which I’ve heard of often. But even during beautiful, loving sex with my partner, or even after masturbating, I feel an overwhelming sense of shame which leads to sickness or a panic attack to the point of hallucinating, traumatic flashbacks (not necessarily of sexual experiences) and absolute meltdowns, including splitting on my partner immediately afterwards.
Does anyone else have experience with this? Or have any ways of dealing with it?