I physiologically cannot calm down during an abandonment crisis - that part of my brain doesn't work. The anxiety is crippling. The emotional pain that accompanies my emotions - fear - grief - love -anger - is so intense that I'd do anything to relieve it. Everything in my life, from the decisions I make to the way I connect with people, is focused on relieving my pain. As I result, I'm sure I'm annoyingly self-centered and selfish - like a toddler emotionally. 

This is not my fault. I try and I try and I try. My emotional regulation skills would probably far exceed the average person if my brain actually allowed me to physically calm down - the herculean effort it takes to maintain normality when your baseline state is emotional pain is certainly a skill. I can certainly try harder, and find new ways of trying, but why can't the people around me see this? Why can't my loved ones see that I'm sick, that I'm hurting, that during a crisis I need help. 

And we are demonized - people with BPD inspire unbelievable hatred from people we've been in relationships with - but this is not our fault. We are working with the limited emotional capacity that we've managed to develop according to what nature gave us to work with. 

I thought this MedCircle video was useful: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0LE2jug9D0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0LE2jug9D0)

I guess the science is catching up, but where is the compassion? Why must I be treated like a monster?