I used to punch and cut myself because of self hatred when I was younger, and now a few years later I've learned a lot and I'm only getting worse as a citizen, my school absence is beyond unacceptable and I can't bring myself to do anything that I must. 
I have reasons to live which are my parents, but no will to live (except for a love interest who wants to stay friends) so idk I feel like I'm either just too spoiled and lazy to live at all or maybe just a body with a fading soul.
I know I'm ruining my life by not leaving my house but I see no point in it, even if it's a responsibility or if it will bring me joy, I can't see the point.
I used to bawl out all my feelings to a special someone but now I don't want to open up to anyone, what's the point, I already know what I'm doing wrong, I just don't have the morale to start doing what I should, no advice can help.
Why am I saying this then. Well from prior experience on this sub I don't think anyone will actually read this. But a naive part of me keeps hoping my special someone might see this, as stupid as this sounds.
I know I'm too stupid, forgetful, ugly, untalented, and boring to be with someone as nice, kind, warm and great like you, and I wish I could move on like you did. But I doubt I'll ever stop loving you. I doubt I'll ever stop wishing I could tell you I love you every night. But I know you will live a great life, and find someone you deserve.
I wish this was the end for me, that I could just take a plunge go for a joyride and sleep forever, but i can't cause of family. So I have to keep living a life I can't imagine or put effort into. All while trying my hardest to not drag you down with me or just bother you really.
I know the outcome would've been the same, though I still wish I hadn't rushed it.
I know you're not gonna read this, but on the slight slight chance, I love you so much my darling, whatever you identify as whoever you wanna be, I will always support you if you let me.