Hello there. First of all, this is my first reddit post ever and English isn't my first language, so sorry if there are typos, grammatical errors, etc.

Now to what happened. Also, I'm Female and 23 if that makes some things clearer for you.

4 months ago, by FP broke up with me, shattered me into pieces, making me feel depressed since then. Not going to work as frequently and often calling in sick, because he also is an colleague and works at the same place. We were together almost 1 year, he broke up 4 days prior our anniversary. The last 2 month I'm working hard on myself, to get over him, and it worked. Slowly but steady. Also found a new boyfriend, probably a BPD reaction I guess, but he's there for me, listens to my thoughts, and also tells me what he's thinking and feeling. Everything went pretty well (not the first time my heart got smashed by an FP and I have found many methods of coping, since I live with BPD probably my entire life, which my therapist also thinks) until yesterday.

I work at a place that's specific for people with mental health issues like BPD and depression, or people with autism, etc. It also has many different departments, like a market, a kitchen, IT and so on. The different bosses of those departments know that there are many people working here with different problems and are very open and understanding. Especially mine. He's pretty new, started at his position like a year ago. I liked him from the start, because he always had an open ear and listened to me and helped me out of some deep depression or gave me motivation to carry on with my projects. (He also kinda sees me like his protege or something, I dunno. It's weird.)
He knows that my ex broke up with me and was very supportive for me and also my ex (has chronic depression). Yesterday I had a talk with him, because I called in sick very often and he wanted to make sure I'm okay. I didn't want to talk, because it still hurt. So he just startet to peptalk me. He made compliments about my intelligence and how good I'm at what I'm doing, and that I shouldn't give up my talents because of a breakup. And it made me cry. It felt like he could read my mind and knew exactly what bothered me, because I really thought about just leaving this place and find another place to work. (Also, he is the only person I can cry in front of, which is weird enough) Than something felt different all of a sudden, I was over my ex instantly. Which was weird too. But there also was something else, which I couldn't classify exactly at that point.

Today while talking with another colleague of mine, I found out what happened. I literally started to have a crush on my boss. I knew instantly that's just my BPD because he's nice and helps me, that's not the first time something like that happened. But it bothers me insanely, first of all he's my BOSS, which is bad enough. I'm also in an relationship (not necessarily happy, but it works out pretty good right now). It's irritating me, because that's one of the few things I don't know how to handle. The last time it happened was with a teacher I started to obsess with, but it stopped at one point, not sure when and why. 
The rest of today, I tried not to look at him too much, also tried to have as few conversations with him as possible, while telling myself that this only was because of my BPD acting up. But mostly I'm afraid of him finding out, because it'll probably become extremely weird. He'd probably want to talk about it or something if he finds out, but I'm so embarrassed about it...

Sometimes I really hate to live with this disorder and those random things that happen because of it.

That's mostly just a rant, but feel free to comment if you got similar experiences or even methods to work things like that out. Sometimes I ask myself if this even is something BPD related, or just my messed up mind in general.