It's so strange how I can convince myself I've gotten my bpd under control enough even qt all. The slightest push and I'm sad. A shove and I feel like I dont exist. The fucjing world is ending. I dont know what to do except destroy myself. I dont think I'll act upon it but I'll do my best to maybe stab the fuck out of my journal and unleash anger and any emotions in a safer way. I hate these feelings. I'm probably paranoid but of course I'm doubting what has been spoken as truth yet again. And o h my fucking god it might be nerfing with a depressive episode but I dont know. Either way yeah. I just want to feel that warm feeling again. What happened.