Hi all,

I'm new to the sub, but I think I need to start reaching out. As the title reads, I've started a new job about a month and a half ago in a completely new field and I have been inundated with extreme stress followed by bouts of depression. I am riding on like a 4-5 level out of an anxiety scale of 10 with spikes of up to 7-8. I'm talking like 10 is a full blown panic attack. Fortunately, I haven't had one, but I can feel I'm close to one.

In any case, with the new job in a new field, I'm doing *a lot* of learning. I'm like a baby trying to walk for the first time...every single time. And I'm being trained by several different people with very different teaching styles who are all giving me varying degrees of information that is either completely new or the same information but in a different manner. It's been very inconsistent and I've been struggling really badly with finding some consistency. Everyone tells me it's going to take time and that I'm going to have to just gain more experience, but as much as I know they're right, I cannot stop beating myself up for every little mistake I make.

I just have this really negative voice in my head telling me I can't do it and it's too much. I've been trying to journal and meditate and change my way of thinking. Nothing works. I'm just getting even more anxious as my training continues. Fortunately, I have a therapy appointment next week, but I'm going to have a lot to unload on them, and it's been a struggle to try and get an appointment anyway given my schedule has changed.

I feel like I can Google every tip on "how to be nicer to yourself", but it just isn't sticking and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of being mean and tired of how stubborn my brain seems to be. I guess what I'm asking is to just get it off my chest. If anyone has any advice, I'm open to it.