Right now it feels like my insides are dead. My tears are hot. I wish I was dead. I have a feeling a lot of people wish I was dead. I’m here. Sorry. I don’t want to be either. But I can’t do it. I can’t imagine being a mess someone else had to clean up. I feel like, I’m like that on a daily basis. I feel like my kids would be better off without me. Someone said they would rather be the worlds “okayest” mom than not be their mom at all. Idk what they will grow to think of me. I’ve been me all my life and I hate myself. Every complement is ironic to me and pisses me off. False. All of it. Feels like I’m being made fun of…Doesn’t matter. I have this stupid body no matter what. My face is okay. My brain is shit. Opposite Day, everyday. Alive but want to die, look “pretty” on the outside, feel like actual shit on the inside. Can’t eat. Brush my teeth bc I’m on autopilot. Might not shower until…idk seems very difficult atm. Can’t even imagine that rn. Why does it seem so unpleasant? The effort it takes to care. The thought alone is exhausting.