I've been in recovery since around last summer, aside from a few slip ups I've recognised that I'm mentally a lot more stable when not attached to people or in relationships. I figured I'd download tinder again just to get with someone because I hate that the last person I slept with in February was my kinda ex and I've not seen him since then because of lockdown and whatnot so hadn't fully processed it.

Anyway started talking to a guy on tinder at the end of last week, he seemed overly keen and was saying all the right things which I saw right through because I've seen it all many times, so didn't take it for face value. We finally meet up yesterday and have sex and he kicks me out within FORTY minutes despite knowing my whole day had revolved around getting to his and back because he's "hungover" and needs to "go back to sleep". He says hopefully he feels better "next time" we hang out (at this point in my head I'm like we both fucking know there's not gonna be a next time babe). Feel like shit all of yesterday, I get up today to realise he's unfollowed me on instagram.

I have this massive rage burning inside of me. I'm so fucking angry that I allowed myself to be used like that when I thought I was in control by only wanting something casual. I'm so fucking angry that a 29 year old MAN thinks it's okay to treat women like that. I'm so disappointed in myself, I haven't felt this disappointed in a long time for walking right into something like that. I feel like I can't trust men and Idk how I'm ever going to be able to get intimate with another person without fearing that this is going to happen again and again. I'm in despair. I'm getting urges to SH as well just because I need to relieve this stress and anger. How could I be so fucking stupid.