If you don't have people who tell you you're in the wrong in certain things then they simply just don't care much or don't  like you enough to call you out on your wrong doings. It's sad that even if you have people who have unconditional love towards you, they still make you feel lonely when they're just not honest with you.

So in that point , your all that you have left . I feel like I'm my only friend and yet I still treat myself like a piece of shit. Having the numb feeling I live each day doesn't let me process life sometimes and that's why I end up being an asshole, I'm tired of throwing my problems as an excuse card each time. It always adds more insult to injury when I give these excuses just for sympathy. It just makes me feel more pathetic..

My goal here is to pretend to be happy to the point we're I forget I was . I don't want to be my old self ever in my life again . It feels like a part of me died and honestly I think that's not really a bad thing, since if I was that much of a piece of shit then good riddens . I'm tired of being a God damn pussy and I'm tired of being a piece of shit and I'm going to remind myself how bad I am to the point where I actually start changing each day.