I've been dating a great guy for about 6 months. Lately I've let myself slip back into those old bad habits of lashing out, getting easily offended, and I've been telling him "fuck you" and "fuck off" and things like that without a second thought. He calls me out on it and I feel ashamed, I know he's right, I say sorry, and then I do it again. On Sunday night we were drinking and we had a disagreement that we've had many times before. I was so frustrated I started crying. Of course I then felt ashamed, flustered, misunderstood, weak, etc. and I said some really horrible shit to him. Called him a dumbass, said he sounded stupid, that it was like talking to a child or a wall. He understandably decided he'd had enough of being mistreated. Now that I'm 3 days removed from it I just feel like a horrible person and like a complete idiot that I blew it. I love him so much, I really thought I'd spend my life with him. But I fucked it all up. He blocked my number, so I sent him an apology via email. I know I was wrong and I know I ruined a good thing and I know I need to keep working on this in therapy. I wouldn't blame him if he didn't forgive me. So thats just one more wonderf thing in my life I've fucked up because I can't regulate my emotions. I just had to rant. I'm so depressed and ashamed of myself.