I don't have the guts to actually end my life, I'm too afraid of the pain. But damn I wish there was a painless way for me to end life. I wish someone could help me end it all.

Many times I go to bed and I hope I don't wake up. I feel more alive in my dreams than when I'm awake.

Being a 37 year old single man I've finally accepted something that I think I've known for a long term. I am a failure. I am truly invisible to this world. I contribute nothing and wouldn't know how to even if I wanted to. Very few people would even notice I was gone. The best years of my life are over. The only thing left is to just struggle to survive each day. But is that really living? If that's living I honestly would rather die. 

Part of me desperately wants to believe in reincarnation and the idea that I'll get another chance. It's too late in this lifetime but maybe in my next lifetime I can get thing right. I can finally end the pain and I can finally end being a burden to others. 

I think it's well past time to put my misery and loneliness into action.