
Warning: TRIGGER ⚠️ SELF HARM ⚠️ arguing ⚠️


Short story been with partner of 8 years he lives with me and family and was my 1st trigger. Currently have major trust issues from cheating basically every year. He does self harm and I guess has a bit of anxiety/ bipolar disorder he is in meds for. My therapist left and I never got a new one . My partner and I get into arguments where he throws shit in my face and I cannot cope with what he has done but yet he still wants to be together and I still love him . Being away causes anxiety and when we argue and I feel a build up I let him know but he doesn't stop. In turn it gets to a point where he will say " calm down or I will leave, stop it  your doing this to yourself and it's all in your head" his reaction to my freak out is during an attack is self harming or triggering me more. Today I was having trust issues about his phone we argue about breaking up and he says fine but then says no I want you I love you I'm on meds trying for you I don't want us to end. The trust issues are too much and I'm anxious away from him. My anxiety has started into self harm head banging to calm me or hard head banging out of reacting to his threats because honestly wherever I go I just don't feel safe with family friends ...no one. He went to work after we argued and I had an epic meltdown lied to my job bc I didn't know how to tell them I'm losing it. Last time I was actually sick they said to come in and I couldn't. He went to work and swore he would be back to talk me down out  it's been an hour nothing calms me down. Nothing helps, nothing relaxes me and half the time my family threatens the ER where our pych nurses say your never getting out and taunt you and if cry or feel nervous threaten you with medication... I'm just not okay n nothing makes me feel like I can be.