Getting better is slow and I fuck up everything along the way. The heavy chest feeling is tempting me to tear open my chest just to understand what the fuck is going on. 
Oh my god and then thinking your friends hate you because they don't answer right away?? Genuinely thinking they're plotting against you or they fucking despise you even when you're trying to rationalize it in your head.
The constant reassurance you need on EVERYTHING. 
The switch that flips on your breakdowns quicker than anyone can blink. 
A change of plans, the weather, how someone looks at you all is a stupid trigger. 
When it looks like you feel sorry for yourself but you just genuinely hate yourself and hate what you've become with BPD. 
I rather die than live with this my entire fucking life. 