you ever downplay your situation and current state of mind when talking to your psychiatrist/therapist? i am so fucking suicidal but my doctor and i laugh a lot on our sessions no matter how heavy they get because i present my situation in a humorous way. i can't help it. if im not making my situation out as a joke and try to be serious, i downplay it so my doctor doesn't really understand the gravity of what the fuck's happening to me. 

im just so used making sure to not make people worry for me that it's hard to just be serious and come clean that i have multiple crying fits and imagine killing myself for hours every day. 

another thing is that i worry that if i actually tell my doctor the whole truth is that they're gonna get me involuntarily committed and my family literally cannot afford that shit. so i will just keep on suffering until i get hit by a bus i guess 

im so tired thanks for reading