I just realized that I kept on waiting for someone to understand me and magically heal me. And it only made me sink. I have been struggling with depression since I was 16 (more than 8 years now), and I stayed strong although numb because I didn't want anybody to see my weakness and somehow it made me stronger and more resilient. Because of some life events my depression got worse and I couldn't control it anymore so I started to open up and it made me depressed even more, because in a sense I accepted it I wasn't fighting anymore. 
 I got a wake up call a few days ago when I was arguing with my husband, when I suddenly realized nobody not even the closest person to you will understand you. Nobody will appreciate the little victories you make while having a depressive episode. Lately I have been feeling like I shouldn't have existed, and I couldn't share that with anyone. Some will think you're attention seeking, some will think you're a drama queen, others will always look at you with a pitiful look. As I said my husband made me realize that only I can care about myself, only I can save myself and that waiting for acceptance or validation will only bring disappointment. So I decided I m going to be strong again, I won't be sharing my feelings or my negative thoughts as it only makes me dwell on them.
I don't really know who I can talk to or share this with, I feel kinda isolated and frankly hate the way people will treat or talk to you after you share with them something like this. I just thought I would leave this here maybe it can help someone. Also to see if anyone relates.