Sorry upfront for the long post, it is going to be hard and take me awhile to fully describe my situation. Let me start by saying that I believe I have a combination of OCD, anxiety, misophonia, substance abuse issues, and potentially more. I haven’t seen or spoken to anyone about this for fear of the stigma and breaking it to my family. I am 24 years old right now and I would say I’ve been dealing with this for 2-3 years. Ever since I was in middle school I noticed signs of minor OCD and would have minor depressive episodes in high school, but nothing too serious. The first major thing I noticed was having to repeat or narrate the events of my life in my head. I also have pretty bad social anxiety which prevents me from connecting with people, ive never had a boyfriend/girlfriend in my life. Minor mouth sounds such as chewing or throat clearing send my blood pressure through the roof and makes me enraged, which is where the misophonia comes from. However, by far the most serious thing I deal with is what I can only describe as having to “restart” or reset certain days. I can’t find much about this on the internet but I read it could be a form of “pure ocd”. Leading up to the day of a restart, I have to perform certain actions/ rituals to help me feel clean and refreshed (giving me a clean slate) for the restart, such as taking out the garbage, doing laundry, shaving, clearing my internet history, deleting all my text messages, etc. When the day of the “restart” comes, I live pretty good. I will eat well, drink water, workout, get things done, hangout with people, stay sober, etc. however, I am constantly fighting to stay “perfect” and stay “good” and my misophonia is really bad and I am really irritable still. Once something bad happens or I do something that makes me feel “unclean”or “imperfect”, the restart is over. At this point I stop caring about everything and just say to myself “I’ll just get myself right next restart”. At this point I’ll eat probably one meal a day, don’t drink water, don’t workout, don’t get anything done, lay around all day, don’t socialize, and smoke weed all day. It used to be “oh I’ll just restart tomorrow” but now it’s gotten to a point where I can only restart on a Monday, first day of a fresh week. Sometimes I can last and stay “good” with one of my restarts for as long as a couple of weeks, but sometimes they don’t even last a day before something happens that makes me go back bad. Currently I have more bad days than good days. As you can imagine, not eating, drinking, or getting anything done as well as getting high all day for over 50% of my days now has pretty negative impacts on myself and my health. Something could happen that ends a restart on a Tuesday and then I have 6 bad days waiting all the way until Monday to reset again and start living well/like a normal person. I clearly realize that this is not normal and I shouldn’t let something as small as getting a bad grade on a test (just an example, many many minor things can and have ended restarts for me) send me into a downward spiral, but I truly cannot help it. I only feel good again once I perform all my actions/rituals and get ready for a clean slate restart on a Monday morning. This all started right around the same time I started smoking weed and drinking alcohol heavily, so I think these things may have brought out underlying mental health issues in me. I definitely have a mental dependence/ addiction to weed, as I stay high almost 24/7 when I’m not in one of my good states. I’m not sure if this could be a form of bipolar disorder also, as im basically either living “perfectly” or I’m living terribly. I feel pretty alone on this, as I haven’t found much about this on the internet or any other people who are dealing with something similar. If you guys are dealing with this or know what this could possibly be, please let me know. This is essentially ruining my life at this point. It causes me to get bad grades in school since I don’t study or go to class on bad days, it causes me to lose relationships with friends since I ignore them and stay by myself on bad days, and I’ve lost a ton of weight by not eating on bad days and my physical health has gotten a lot worse. 
P.S. saying “you should go see someone and talk about this” is not going to help me, I very clearly know that I should go do that. I would just like some insight as to what this might be and if anyone else out there has the same problem. Thank you guys