I feel like I can laugh when I’m on my own and that’s a about it. I feel like I have to hide joy because it makes me vulnerable. Most people are unhappy and I think a lot of people resent anyone who seems happier than they are and I think social media proves this. I look for signs of exclusion and imagine them if there aren’t any. What do you do when the thing that is supposed to revive you drains your energy. Maybe I’m just being self-pitting but I just really miss the days of easy laughter before I got sick.