My depression is interfering with me living my life . There are days or weeks I don't leave my bed. I need to get a job but can't will myself to. I was suppose to talk to a advisor and I skipped it. I don't even know why. I feel like such a rude person. I messaged her than I just had a health situation and couldn't show up. I feel like she doesn't believe me or feels like I am not pulling my weight and doing what I need to and serious. I'm afraid that she is going to tell me that I can't talk to her anymore.
I honestly do want to do everything. I don't know why I just sabotage myself and I can't. Some days I barely even eat food. 
I hate living like this. I have so many things to be greatful for. I just want to screeam and shout. I feel so frustrated and stuck. I hate myself.