I am contemplating again and it's stronger than ever I keep telling people I'm struggling at university yet they put a lot of expectation on me, a lot of judgement and no encouragement at all, I'm about to fail 5 exams in a row this 2 weeks and just the thought of embarrassing and angering my professors, again, is enough to make me want to finish it all. I mean I haven't done nothing but studying in these years, with proper pauses, hobbies to keep me distracted, yet I feel like I'm not making any progress at all since I started. 
If I keep going I will only fall harder, eventually. I spent my first year of uni contemplating suicide almost every day it literally drained my energies, even on vacation I would constantly think about it. Second year it became just sporadic now third year it's still sporadic but very strong. I feel dissociated like I am living in third person I often stare at walls for minutes or get in fetal position on tbe floor and hyperventilate and I feel so dumb. I also feel like an idiot because contemplating suicide because of university is stupid, trying to make people pity me is even more embarrassing, the best thing I can do is simulate an accident but I don't know how, so I might just take some caffeine pills or use a rope, but I am also scared to do it. I can't see a way out, not an easy way, I mean any way out.