This post makes no sense, it's 3am and I can't sleep but only think. I didn't think I'd be where am now two weeks ago. I'm outside in a foreign country, crying, no destination in mind, listening to happy songs. But they all sound sad. How time distorts things. I feel so empty. Almost as if I'm falling inside myself. I feel so alone. I've been left again and again. What's the point. No one stays anyway. I deflect everyone I meet. I'm not worthy of even the tiniest good thing. If I were, these unbearable things wouldn't continuously be happening. I just want to experience the love that i feel everyday from somebody else. I have so much to give. But I'm consumed by it and it drowns everyone who dares go near me. I'm making no sense now, it's all just words. I've been oscillating between being strong and being weak these days... right now I'm neither.