hi. i'm just writing on here because i'm feeling really overwhelmed and I hope this is a way to sort through what's going on. so I went out last night, and got very socially overwhelmed and shut down later into the night - i'm worried that I embarrassed myself or was acting weird to everyone else there. I can't tell if I did, I was too focused on trying to calm myself down. My boyfriend the last two nights has ignored me when i'm anxious (i had bad anxiety problems a few years ago but now it really comes up in single flares.. this week has been particularly bad) So we go out, I take to long to get in the car to the spot we were going to watch the northern lights. This is where I first feel bad or worried about my behavior. After that, I had to lie in the bed of my friends truck because there was no room in the car, and this sleazy dude I don't know well was rubbing and squeezing my thigh to "keep warm." After that, I got out of the bed of the truck and went to use the bathroom, fell a good ways down a rocky bit of road and then made it back to the truck. After that I just sat alone near the front of the truck, and couldn't speak. I eventually got in the car to try and sleep when I hear someone from outside screaming my name saying they want to meet me. I yell back i'm out of commission. the whole party is yelling at me to come out and I just kept pretending to sleep. 

basically I feel really socially anxious most of the time. but right now, I would just like a gauge on how rude or weird I seemed last night - because I can't stop feeling embarrassed and I can't tell if it's anxiety or if I have actual cause to