Trigger warning ⚠️ 
I’m so sick of being angry. I’m acting like an evil person. I’m not being a kind person.
My mom and I had a huge argument today. Her ex-boyfriend’s creepy girlfriend requested to follow me on Instagram and it triggered me to attack her in defense of my mom. I commented on her photos saying she was ugly. I showed my mom this and she read the comments. She said I shouldn’t have commented on her pictures and I should’ve simply blocked her and not given her the time of day. Looking back, I know she was right. After telling me this, she said “did you try to follow her or did she try to find you?” I didn’t try to follow her, she tried to follow me.... I exploded. I began by saying “this is what I can’t stand with you, you’re always accusing me of shit!” I asked why she asked me that and she said “because you commented on her page.” I don’t think my mom understands social media that well. After that question, I started screaming. I was calling her names, telling her she’s a stupid bitch, a fucking cunt, saying she should’ve kept her big fat mouth shut and not accused me of things, and then I also said I hoped her boyfriend was happier without her and no wonder he left her. 

She kept telling me to stop, telling me I was scaring her, and that only made me more angry because she was refusing to acknowledge the fact that she shouldn’t have accused me of something I didn’t do. My impression was that my mom thought I went out of my way to just bully her ex’s girlfriend, which wasn’t what was happening. I asked her to acknowledge what she said was wrong and hurtful, and she said okay I’m sorry, can you please go away? I could tell that she was just trying to pacify me. It was infuriating. She wasn’t understanding me. 

I’ve been in my room for a few hours now and the guilt is setting in. The shame, the self-hatred... I have deep insecurities I’m not sure how to handle. I don’t want to act this way or feel this way. I love my mom. We have a very close relationship which makes it really difficult for both of us to calm down during an argument. I’ve only just started DBT therapy which has taught me a few skills. But I always seem to remember to use them when it’s too late. I’m mean to people. I’m nasty to people. I’m miserable. I hate myself and I try to look for reasons subconsciously to take it out on others, which I then feel terrible for and it only makes me hate myself more. I don’t know what to do. Nothing’s working. I’m 24 years old and I can’t act this way anymore. I don’t want to scare my mom, or anyone. Please help me.