I dont know how to feel connected with people and all my relationships are built on facades of myself. If they all disappeared I would be perfectly fine. I desperately want to feel connected with people but I cant and I just feel alone. I've had a friend of 5 years that I should feel some sort of connection but the most I've done is miss them momentarily when I was feeling really lonely and that was mostly centered around missing physical affection they would show. And I cant share this with them as that would hurt there feelings i think and maybe destabalize the relationship.

I also have no sense of identity and who I am. I have no strong feelings toward any career and my interests shift often and wildly. I'm highly impressionable and take my current interest from anything that catches my eye in the media. I also desperately want some sort of direction or purpose to my life but I never settle on something for long before I get bored or lose interest. I'm just lost on everything. 

What exactly do I do about all this or any ideas on putting a name to these things? (I have plans to see a therapist early April but I'm impatient. Several personality disorders almost fit but none of them quite fit my experiences and I just dont know where else to look.)

Fuck me up fam