I'm in therapy and working hard, but there are days I'm tired of being strong. The trial of living inside my own head is exhausting. The emotions are exhausting. I want numbness, and i know healing is so much about tolerating pain without trying to shut it down. All the behaviours that shut it down are usually pretty detrimental. I use drinking, binge eating and sometimes drugs. But sometimes i sit and wish for something "healthy" to numb out the pain and the thoughts. Something more powerful than distraction or hobbies or career. Just to take a break from being me. I'm exhausted. 