I have PMDD. A lot of people don’t know what it is, so a lot of people don’t understand it. It’s basically PMS but it’s extremely debilitating. One Google search will tell you everything you need to know.
Every month, it feels like my emotions cannot be controlled. I’m dealing with it now. I just got to the halfway point of my cycle, and again I feel horrible. I feel separated from the world. I’m completely dissociated. I don’t even feel like I’m awake. I get a horrible temper and lash out at people and immediately regret it. On top of that, my already present depression just gets worse. My room is horrible right now. I’m not eating. I’m living on energy drinks because no sleep is enough sleep for me. I stay up at night just staring at my phone, trying to convince myself that everyone doesn’t hate me. Trying to convince myself that I won’t feel this way forever because I know I won’t. Trying to convince myself that I am real because I know I’m real, it just doesn’t feel like it right now. 
And in the past year, my life has gotten a lot more difficult and a lot more stressful. On top of that, I got a horrible case of COVID, and I feel like the aftermath of it is still not over with. I feel sick all the time, my body aches, I’m exhausted, I cry all the time, I punch walls, and all I do is play video games. I can’t manage to clean anything. I can barely manage to clean myself and talk to people.
It’s scary. I’ve lashed out at loved ones, at professors, at teachers - it isn’t me. It doesn’t feel like me. It feels like I’m inside of my brain, yet the person on the exterior is something else. I know who I am, but at the moment, my brain just feels clouded. It’ll be over in a week, but I feel so empty. My birth control is supposed to help and it did for two years, but now I just feel like I used to. And it’s so, so much worse. 
I just want help and I want someone to understand me. Please.