I cannot do this anymore. I am literally destroying the best thing that has ever happened to me and the only person I ever saw a future with. I cannot stop thinking that his feelings have changed after every fight. I cannot stop thinking that one day he will realize I am nothing. I am not special, smart or good looking enough. What if he meets someone better than me that wont put him through hell like me. I tried to get better but I only get worse and the medications are not helping my symptoms. What is the point anymore? 

I am a horrible daughter, girlfriend, friend. Why live if I will always have BPD. I always feel like Im never going to get married, be in the career I want because my emotions completely run my life. Im so so tired. I cannot do this anymore. I am hurting myself and others and it just needs to end. Everyone in my life deserves better than me. I feel like a plague that spreads and destroys everything in its path.