I’ve been doing so poorly ever since I found out that my ex boyfriend is back with the girl he told me he was in love with the entire 2 years we were together. I’m still feeling crushed but I think I’m coming to some level of acceptance that they are back together. The problem is that he is my FP and he asked me not to speak to him for 6 months, well, it’s been 8 months and I did reach out, which is how I found out they are back together. Thankfully neither of them use social media. He replied to me a few times and then stopped replying. He is traveling, so I’m trying my very hardest to understand but it’s been almost a week since he has gotten back to me. I feel ignored again. It’s obvious I’m not a priority. It took me so much strength to get through those 8 months and it’s the same on the other side. I literally cannot bare the idea of a life without him in it in some context. I wish I had the strength to just walk away, but I simply do not. No part of me wants that either. I can’t make him respond to me, so here I sit. Suicidal, can’t stop crying, been on a drug binge for 7 days and have been burning myself with cigarettes. I can’t stand the feelings. I just want to die.