I had an FP for a long time. Things went very wrong and blew up in a big way. I don’t think it was totally my fault. The whole thing was really awful and I spent almost a year constantly having dreams about it and being unable to stop thinking about it. I felt angry about what happened and also a lot of guilt about bad decisions I had made and also a lot of shame about how attached I get to people. 

I’ve recently made a whole new group of friends who are lovely. My friendship with them is a million times more healthy and “normal” than anything I’ve had before. They appreciate me and treat me well. The problem I’m having is that I really miss that intense attachment and euphoria that comes with it. This is probably the first time in my life I don’t have that with someone. I’m finding it really difficult. 

I don’t want another FP and I want to make healthy choices. I just find myself really bored with “normal” friendships. Everything seems sort of samey and dull and I have to really try hard to be “present”. I feel like I’m always faking it and not really having a great time. I often feel like I just want to go home. I don’t think it’s them that’s the problem. It’s just that when I have an FP, I have that euphoria and need to be around them as much as possible and tell them everything. Now I don’t have that i feel totally flat and empty. 

With my new friends, I often have a nice enough time but it all just feels a bit... boring. It’s also unusual for me to have several different friends and I am equally close to them all. I no longer have one person I tell everything to and completely rely on. I really miss having an FP even though I don’t want that again. 

Is this something I will get used to? Will I start to enjoy normal friendships more soon?