 I would like to start by saying that i do take regular therapy, but would also like to share what happened to me this year: 

 1- my dog ​​passed away

  2- The person whom I called "best friend", betrayed me. She stabbed me in the back with a sword. She used me to find my best friend as a current partner. (Boy with whom before I established a very intimate connection). Then, after I confessed one of my rape traumas to her, she didn't agree with what I was saying, basically she didn't believe me or support me. (It is clear that I was going through a very delicate moment). I was totally devastated to see how my "best friend" could not even believe me, or at least console me. 

 3- I got sick, multiple times. My periods became more irregular than usual. I spent a full month waiting for my period and lost my libido. 

 4- I developed anorexia 

 5-I lost 20 pounds and also my appetite.

  6-My mother and random people praised my appearance, because I was skinny, without caring what that entailed (health). They preferred to worry about how I looked rather than how I felt. 

 7-These supposed compliments, created more insecurities in me. Basically it was a motivation to eat less and meticulously measure my weight. 

 8-I got sick again. 

 9-I had more than 25 analyzes, only in a period of 4 months. I felt like a lab rat with nothing found, and therefore more tests were required. 

 10-To this day, at least I can say that I am not depressed, as I have been before. (Not even a single suicidal thought) Because i got rid of all the toxic people. But I am exhausted, physically and mentally. 

 11-I began to develop a defense mechanism in which, if someone criticizes me once more, I could say anything in order to defend myself. I no longer focus on the feelings of others, because I feel like I have never focused on my own. I am giving myself the value that has never been given to me. But  I do realize I need some help.