i wish i had that courage to just end things I’m so tired of this life, of all the abuse I’m so done of trying to make things right i’m so tired of fighting. The only thing standing between me and ending things is my faith and religion but till when? Till when do i have to hope for a better life what is the solution to get away from abuse what is the exit which door do i have to take to escape I feel like I’m drowning and their seem to be no way to breath. I try to be strong for her for them but sometimes i wish i could just crash my car die and make it seem to her as an accident but then again I can’t let her feel that pain again of losing another child I don’t blame for anything i just wish she was strong enough to escape to let us escape she may think that’s the best for us but it’s not it’s killing me from the inside i know it does that to them as well. Is it selfish to wanna run away? When she sacrificed so much of her life  i want to help her i want to see her smile and shine i want to hear her laugh again to see her slowly losing her glow is killing from the inside i feel empty just pain and sorrow nothing makes me happy. I try to think of ways of escape i try to think of ways to help but it’s always blank. The only thing that i could think of is the ways i could just end it right here right now but then again i remember that god gives his toughest battles to his strongest warriors but is that even true?