and its pretty bad. ive never felt the urge to cut again for about 2 years but i feel it now and its worse than ever. we just received our postings for army (conscript army) and honestly i was hoping to make it to sergeant command school despite having tendonitis in the knee which fucking hurts. i cant be happy for anyone. unless its for my girlfriend, if anyone experiences something nice i cant help it but feel nothing except pure jealousy and anger towards them. being a sergeant has always been a goal for me but ill never be able to realize that now, and my friend who made it to sergeant command school keeps bitching about how he didnt make it into officer command school. i just dont understand... what the fuck do i have to do to earn myself some fuckign respect? i fucking hate myself .