Essentially title + some more explenation. Me and my partner were together in a relationship for almost a year, until in november he told me that he was unsatisfied with how angerful and annoying I've been. that was around the time where i was looking for another therapist because I've known of the issue, I found a therapist already in summer, yet they just put me on the waiting list until a new spot was free (wich im still on while im at my new therapist)

So, in december I had an operation and was essentially stuffed with meds so I can cope with the pain. My partner was reaching out to friends, and such, and while I thought that was a good sign, I noticed they actually were avoiding me permanently, and when I confronted them about it, they said they were feeling uncomfortable around me. I know It's sort of pathetic, but I begged them to wait until i was off meds and can look for a proper change, but they told me it was too late so we had a break. of course I felt really sad about it, yet I was looking forward to reunite. fastforward some days, and my partner said we should get back together, wich i was of course happy about, but i was still on my meds wich probably influenced my personality. in the end, they broke up with me completly, because iw as just so 'strange'. of course I was broken by it, yet neither of us knew about the side effects of my meds wich essentially makes one depressive and emotionally numb. as i told them that, they said it wasn't excusing my behaviour in december, wich.. i agree with partly, but I still felt hurt.

Of course in january things just escelated quickly: I ended up avoiding bringing up our relationship in order to let them heal a bit, but they wanted to completly avoid me, despite tellingme they want us to be friends. then I of course talked about it, wich just made them more aggressive, and in the end, they blocked me yesterday wich was really just painful. They told me I was selfish, and delusional, and that we may never even get back together, despite me wishing for it so badly and getting an actual chance to change and work on my issues.

and now im sitting here, thinking what to make out of all this. I know I had impulsive effects, like overly caring for my friends, and investing alot of money into not needed things, and just as I stopped those impulsive actions, I kinda just faded out of existence. worst of all though, it all happened in short periods where i just couldn't recover completly out of it. My new psychatrist assumes I may suffer of BPD, but I never showed such strong effects until like very lately.

While I'll put the assumption byside, I researched our old logs, and finally recalled they were suffering of BPD too, it wasn't too severe, yet they never wanted to talk about their mental illness wich was a shame. I feel like if I've prepared better for it this could've been all avoided. But as other BPD symptomes shows, is there a chance they may return to me, and not put me as a negative influence in their life? Because right now I am very afraid about their situation, and if they'll loose all the new contacts they've made over the past month, I won't be even able to help them at all, yet despite loving them.