I'm sure that there's many people that will relate to me when I say that I don't think there has been a day in the last few years that I haven't thought about doing it, I planned and almost did it, but I stopped.I can't study, I can't sleep, I don't eat, I can't do anything I used to enjoy, fuck I'm writing this at 6 in the morning after no sleeping for almost two days, it feels as if nothing I do matters, I'm just pathetic.

Everyone I know is moving on with their life and I'm stuck, unable to continue because of my own incompetence and I hate it, I hate myself and I hate the fact that I'm such a burden to everyone around me.

I try and force myself to think that things have gotten "better" but they haven't, I'm still here, feeling the same way I did for the past few years, unable to do anything about it, unable to force myself to be productive, unable to reach out for help and unable to end it, so I'm stuck here, for what feels like eternity.

I set some goals for myself, something that I want to achieve by the end of the year with some hard work and dedication, but it just feels impossible, like nothing I do matters and no matter how much I try I will fail. I haven't started yet and I already want to quit, just to spare myself the humiliation of being a failure again.

I don't have the strength to keep moving forward but I also don't have the strength to end it, and it haunts me, I can't keep on going on like this, everyday I think about what if I get the strength to do something, sometimes I wish that I could end it, sometimes I wish that I could overcome everything, neither matter, because at the end of the day I'm still stuck, unable to do anything with myself.

I hope that one day all of us here get enough strength to do something with ourselves, because anything is better than this mental hell that me and many others are going through every day.