I start things off so well: new relationship, new job, new friendships. And inevitably I destroy everything (and myself) because I’m BPD. I will ruin all these things and can’t explain why it happens. So I end up wanting to disappear and never be known by these people again. This is how BPD manifests itself in my life.

This is not what normal people do. I have ruined my life and my opportunities. I honestly don’t know how to continue existing with this BPD cloud hanging over my future. I hate myself so much.