Does anyone else just feel like a spectator in life and that they aren’t a main character, side character, let alone even behind the scenes. You feel as if you have the same worth and potential as the fly, flying around the room and landed on random people, just briefly connecting with them only to be unsatisfied and to fly over to the next person. I wondered for the longest time why I always felt like the black sheep and why I felt so emotionless. I’m not a psychopath and I’m not just an edgy teenager that thinks no one understands me. I go to church every Sunday, go to school, play with animals, socialize as much as possible, but at the end of the day I come home and take off my shoes and trudge up the 13 steps to my room, plop into my bed and stare at the ceiling, waiting for something, ANYTHING to just change. It never does. Nothing ever feels any different. I never feel satisfaction out of a day. I do feel relief; that the day is over and that tomorrow isn’t promised, yet I lay awake all night wondering. Everyone and everything just feels so unreal. I feel unreal. I don’t want to be real.