I wanna pretend like I know what to do with my life,

I finally got a girlfriend, I have a 3.7 gpa and yet I don't feel satisfied with anything. If I do actually decide to go through with what I'm thinking I'll really miss my mom and my friends, they've all been so good to me and yet I'm completely lost in what direction I should take with my life . Ive never had a dad , I don't know how to tie my shoes, and im such a fucking failure on everything social. I'm just a loser who likes sticking to nothing but her plants , and I'm just a loser who aspires of cooking and growing a culinary job but will never be able to do due to my extreme mediocracy and everything I fucking do. 

I don't want to ever experience high School ever again, I just can't wait until these four years are over so I can grow up and ditch the town that I live in forever, and never see anybody ever again that lives here. I want to move to Canada someday and forget that I even experienced the first 18 years of my life and such a shitty town.  I just want an out or an escape, I just want to close my eyes and wake up on my senior year graduating, forgetting that everything had ever happened to me , and I want to graduate with a big smile on my face and look to my mom and make her and my brother proud. I want to try everything on my power to make my friends and family happy because that's all I can ever do in this life, I don't have any motivation to do anything but work , and at the end of the day whenever the bell rings and I go home I feel so fucking miserable and disconnected with everything that I've ever done. 

Even though my friends assured me so many times that they don't hate me I always feel like they do , my therapist put in her two weeks right as I saw her I got a session at the beginning of September and I never saw her ever again. I just kind of really need to scream into the void right now, because I obviously don't have a therapist to do as such because the school doesn't care to hire one ever, at least homecomings coming up and then there I can feel a little bit of fulfillment in myself and try to avoid the people that I don't like, or don't like me there. I've been avoiding every single problem in my life for so long, I don't understand how I can go from my highest high, feeling like I've succeeded and I've done everything that I've wanted to ever do and then I go into a new environment, a new school, a new place and I just feel like absolute shit. Really hard to get out how everything feels to me right now and I just kind of don't know what to work through what I think is a very big spout of depression, everything just feels so colorless and bland now. Man, I just want these 4 years to go by quick.