I've seen how supportive this sub can be and I really hope you guys can help me work though something while I wait on a therapist to be available. Gonna rant sorry. 

So I'm pretty confrontational and direct when I have a problem and it comes across as aggressive because I am upset and want it addressed immediately.
My boyfriend gets defensive because he feels attacked.

I get upset because I'm not being listened to, my feelings aren't being acknowledged, he's not apologising or realising how hurt I am and all he's doing is defending himself.

I end up getting angry because I don't feel my feelings are validated, I get no comfort and support, just hostility from him because I'm apparently super hostile and difficult and impossible to work with.

So I end up insulting him and name calling and saying he doesn't care and won't listen and most times I just try and end the relationship. I feel it's too much to be with someone who can't understand I need comfort when he has done something to set me off and not met with hostility back because I'm not all cute and approachable.

I just dunno where to start. I don't know how to be calm and nicely bring shit up. I generally start okay-ish but the second my feelings aren't validated and I don't get that reassurance and comfort I desperately need I lose my shit. Like all he cares about is defending himself and he said he's there for me but he only ever wants to defend himself and not help me though anything until I'm pushed so far I'm hysterical!

But like eventually I insult him and he tells me to go. And I just can't. Like how dare he, he's the one who upset me, if he was a supportive boyfriend he'd have been apologising for upsetting me and not getting all defensive and I wouldn't have gotten so angry, so easily avoided! But then I have to leave and I just can't wait and just can't calm down or think about anything else but fixing the situation but I'm just so annoyed I can't even have a decent talk at this point.

I just feel like a monster. He tells me how difficult and impossible I am to work with. I just feel hopeless. I can't bring things up nicely apparently. But like how can you nicely address something when you are incredibly hurt and the other person never immediately addresses that???

I'm trying so hard to be better and calm but in arguments when I'm hurt I find it impossible I just can't shut up or drop anything or calm down...