I am SO grateful to my therapist for helping me distinguish between the hurt kid in me and my adult self. Now that they are differentiated, those parts of me can *interact!*

When I’m scared to death of something that’s not actually immediately life threatening, I can understand that it **feels** dangerous because when I was a kid—when I literally could NOT take care of myself— my parents were absent and neglectful and gaslighty, and I experienced that as trauma because I had no other choice. That feeling is a memory, not something in my actual surroundings— even if it feels like it. 

So I just want to share some things I do for myself to self soothe and I invite you to add your own tricks in the comments.

Things I repeat to myself a lot when I’m having intrusive thoughts about how I fucked up 20 years ago:
-“It’s ok, little {{me}}. You were eleven years old when xyz happened. Look how much you’ve grown since then!!!”
-“In this family we’re nice to kids. Would you be mean to an eleven year old kid on the street? No? Then it’s not appropriate to be mean to eleven year old {{me}}.
-“That was such a hard time!! I am so glad I took xyz steps to get away from those unsafe circumstances!”
-“Oh look. An intrusive voice telling me I’m going to fail! Hmm... sounds juuuust like my mom... No thank you mom!! I went no contact with you 3 years ago and I’m sticking to that boundary! I do NOT need to prepare anything for you because I don’t need you anymore.”
-“I will protect you, little {{me}}!!”
-“It’s just you and me, kid!”

Sometimes things are harder— Like when I really can’t tell if people dislike me or not. The ultimate answer for me is to keep consulting with my therapist, but additionally I try things that are **definitely** real so I can at least gather more data on if it’s my brain or not.

Things I like to keep me present and attuned to my current body and surroundings:
-skincare!!! A big one for me!! Smells are GREAT for keeping you present!
-shower— the sensation reminds me where I am in time and space.
-go to my tea drawer and practice thinking about what my current body needs and wants (caffeine vs no caffeine, flavor, sweetness level, temperature) 
-Deep Yoga Stretches from youtube
-I started growing plants in my kitchen (beans!) so I’ll go visit my beans and notice how they are similar/different from last time I checked in on them, and water if needed. Plants help me remember that even if it’s slow, we are constantly growing. Also plant health is a good indicator of how attuned I have been to caring for my needs!
-Dry brush and moisturize my legs

I’d love to hear others’ strategies! I especially would love to know how people take care of themselves while they’re in a face to face conversation. That one is a little harder for me.