for context, in a 19m who is entering their second year of college. 

life was going so good for a while. i had my dream major, my dream girl, and everything seemed to be falling into place. over the summer i had an internship and took two classes that i passed with b’s while enjoying my spare time with my gf. 

but then it all changed when she transferred to my school. i went to visit family before school started so i could celebrate my nephews bday. i wasn’t able to really help my gf move in but i called her and tried to get everything situated. a week goes by and everything seems fine. we’re living our best life. us against the world, like we always have been. 

my relationship with my parents is rocky to say the least and i’m currently still going through a rough patch with them. i always escaped my family problems through my gf or school. but suddenly we just started fighting all the time. i’m talking everyday 24/7 for about two weeks straight. we just couldn’t seem to agree on anything and it seemed like the perfect relationship we built was falling apart before our eyes. 

two weeks ago she broke up with me but promised we would still be friends and not get with anyone else that we didn’t see “potential” with. we both pinky promised, which i take v seriously, and i unfortunately let her go. 

as the days pass my life is miserable. i can’t get out of bed, i’m failing my exams/quizzes, and i just have no energy to do anything. a couple nights ago my friends forced me out to try and get me back to my social self. that’s when i saw her. getting with someone who she said was never her “type” or never part of her “interest”. i dropped the drinks in my hands and walked to the bathroom as quickly as possible.  

i start having a panic attack in the bathroom and losing my mind with every lie she could have possibly told me. i tried to talk to her but she pretended like i didn’t exist or like she didn’t know me. i swear at that very moment my heart broke in my chest. 

i’ve been struggling with sh since i was v young and i tried to end myself. my friend luckily followed me home and prevented me from doing anything further. he tried to talk to me but i didn’t, no, i couldn’t listen. all that filled my brain was the sight i saw not even an hour ago. he called her and tried to get her to come over and talk to me, but all she said was “i’m busy and that’s not my problem”

i was admitted into the hospital under close supervision for the night until i was cleared to go home. that sight still bothers me even in my dreams because we promised each other we would wait for the other to become the person we needed them to be. 

i still struggle to get out of bed and i try my best to put a smile on my face. but nothing seems to work. i’ve tried flowers gifts and probably everything you could imagine. 

i just don’t want to lose this girl and nothing seems to be getting better. my aunt has been struggling with cancer recently and my brother gets shipped off later this year. i’m struggling with all of this and a very demanding major in college. 

i’m just lost and idk what to do anymore. 

you don’t have to respond, i just needed to get this off my chest.