The only thing that stopped me was the thought of my mother.... How will she live ? I thought of her and my other loved ones and I came out of it as of I was drowning but came back to surface. I am on 2 antidepressants and therapy and still I don't feel like improving. I losty so 1.5 years ago and I keep missing him, sometimes the pain is so severe that I want to die... (A feeling which was the strongest today). I am scared because I have doubled the doses of my antidepressants which helped for some time but then I got depressed again. I am scared ... What if I have to go for ECT or something 😓