Everything wrong with my life is self-induced. I literally have everything a human could want but I consistently fuck it up by hurting people I love for no reason. I tell my best friend that my mental health isn't great and I don't like myself but I never go into detail because I'm ashamed of the things I've done. It's so unfair for me to do that, just lean on them for emotional support without telling them the full details. So fucking selfish.

I don't deserve anybody in my life, and the only reason people love me is because they don't know all the mistakes I've made, because I don't tell them about the mistakes I've made.

If I told them, they would think I'm a piece of shit, and I can't handle the realization that I am indeed a piece of shit. Although at this point I'm pretty positive I am. I don't even care about my career success right now. I don't deserve career success. I tried to write down "I deserve love" on a piece of paper several times today but I just don't believe what I'm writing, and I eventually gave up.