i don’t know what’s going on. i’m not me. i don’t have the same brain i normally have. complete different feelings, morals, thought patterns. i feel like my personality has been swapped out with somebody else’s. 

i am a kind, loving, affectionate, joyous person. emphasis on loving and kind. i shower people with love. love lots of love. i’m literally so sweet i’ll give you a toothache 

today i woke up and i feel none of that. for no reason. out of nowhere. i don’t love my girlfriend anymore. i don’t care about being kind anymore. i don’t wanna hug or touch or kiss or be told i am loved by my parents today. 

i feel out of place. i feel like my brain is swapped out with someone else’s. i know im me. i know i am x and y’s daughter. i’m c’s girlfriend, i’m this this and that. it’s not like i don’t recognize my life or have forgotten who i am. i’m still me. but my inner thoughts and beliefs are not mine. because this is not what they are, this is not what they’ve ever been. it’s a full 180, complete opposite of what i am and what i feel. 

i am… i was madly in love with my girlfriend. literally up until this morning. now i don’t give a shit about her. i don’t give a shit about any of my friends except my 2 best friends. i don’t give a shit about my parents. i feel a complete absence of love. i have no idea what’s happening. i have no idea what happened. i can’t pinpoint any triggers. i don’t know what’s going on. i don’t think this has ever happened before. i don’t know what happened to me. i don’t even know if it’s a bpd thing. i don’t know what’s happening. i’m very confused. i’m kinda foggy. i don’t know what any of this means, why it’s happening, or what it is. help. 

what happened to me? 

i have depression and anxiety in addition to bpd. but this doesn’t feel like one of my depressive episodes. i fully don’t feel like myself anymore. at all. this isn’t a depressive episode.