Back in highschool and before I even knew what bpd was I had this friend we'll call Jeff. I was a massive drinker so my last 2 years of highschool are a bit hazy and kinda all smush together (been clean for a year now). What I do know is that Jeff was my FP all throughout highschool and when I felt abandonment coming on (it was for stupid things that wouldn't bother normal people like choosing to work with someone else on a project or something) I'd split on him. Like I'd go back and forth on him and it wasn't fair for him and I wanna apologise for being a massive asshole to him and maybe make it up to him if he thinks it's necessary. We haven't talked since graduation. I'd think about him every so often throughout the years after but nothing like obsessive, ya know? Just like passing thoughts like "I hope he's doing okay". He's been on my mind a lot lately tho and I honestly don't know what to do. We didn't have a "falling out" of sorts as far as I know. I just kinda thought I was bugging him with my clinginess so I kinda forced myself to leave him be. He never contacted me after I stop sending texts so I figured that he hated me and just like never texted him again. He never ignored me when I texted him and he was always there for me but I don't know his actual feelings on the matter and now that I kinda know what was up with my head back then I wanna make amends. But I honestly don't know if that's the actual right thing to do by him. I don't wanna upset him anymore than I already have, ya know? I don't know what to do..