24yo Asian working in management consulting and tbh as high pressure as it is, I’m quite used to the chaos and actually thrive in it. What I’m struggling with now is visioning my next 10 years. When I was younger it was pretty straightforward like I was looking forward to working and gaining my independence, moving away from parents and all sorts of triggers. I was able to manifest quite well. 
Now though the thought of being 30 or even 28 scares tf out of me. Subconsciously I feel like I’ll probably be dead by then cause I can’t imagine living by a thread for many more years. 
I tried therapy, coping mechanisms and they’re in place but I’m stubborn too and doing anything good for myself honestly disgusts me - I have to force myself to read a chapter or drink water or go out and talk to friends. I see no meaning in anything so I drag myself through life.

Am I getting triggered cause I no longer have crazy triggers like I did before? Like do I thrive in pain/sorrow cause college was a clusterfuck of a show lmao 

I also just wanna know, does anyone else have trouble manifesting with BPD in their adult stages?