It makes sense to me that relationships with vulnerability, intimacy and decent communication might not incite the WORST of my symptoms. I understand this, but I don't fully understand why certain other relationships bring out the worst. While writing this I'm like duh RudeGold 4 you just answered your own question, your symptoms are worst when the communication sucks, there's no vulnerability, you don't trust each other and your needs aren't being met. I don't get it though. Even in my last shitty situationship, he reassured me at times. I can see why it wasn't enough because there was also plenty of bad stuff to focus on. Part of me is still like why wasn't that enough?? Why did I latch onto random moments or things he said that worried me when he did say "I ONLY WANT YOU".

I'm realizing, for the second time, that staying in a bad situation and expecting myself to perform well emotionally is not healthy or realistic. But I'm still like wtf he said such nice things. I still don't understand exactly how I go from chill to BOTHERED AND THREATENED EVERY TIME HE ACKNOWLEDGES SOMEONE HE HAS SLEPT WITH BEFORE, when that is something I'd be comfortable with in a healthier relationship. I don't want to be someone who feels threatened at every mention of another woman. I'm ashamed of that jealousy. But then there's a difference between mentioning someone cos it's relevant and oversharing or doing it to arouse suspicion on purpose. I think he did a bit of both. 

In a way this is lesson learned. I'm worried I'll have issues with jealousy in the future but I can see now that it's usually in generally unhealthy situations that I get so insecure.