Every call I get has my heart racing. With the amount spam calls and debt collectors I already don't answer my phone if I don't have your contact added. Now I'm practically stunned for 3 minutes whenever I get a call, I wait for the ringing to end and wait to see if theres a voicemail, then I wait for Google to transcribe it, hear pounding the whole time.

I've worked in hospitality for nearly a decade, mostly over the phone, so my anxiety doesn't come from the phone itself, or talking to people.

I haven't worked since I was laid off due to covid, but hadnt I been laid off I would have probably been fired due to a lacking performance due to depression and anxiety. Almost every hour of every day working there for the past few years I've been plagued with a strong desire to not exist. Since being unemployed my anxiety and depression has been easier to ignore (I've tried therapy and medication, with little to no positive effect, and sometimes nearly fatal negative effects), and now i don't know where to turn.

Having to beg for a shit job where I'll be treated like shit and paid shit while I'm experiencing an internal maelstrom has me not wanting to exist more than ever.