I've come to realize over time that my favorite person attachments are subconscious attempts to replace the fucked up father/daughter relationship I had in childhood. They're almost always men that are in the very least a few years older than me. I feel like a kid emotionally, in general and when I'm around them. I think that's what causes the emotional dependency. 

Anyway, I don't want to do this anymore, because it's caused horrific problems for myself and the people I love and care for, but I don't know how to stop. I feel so fucking terrified and vulnerable when I am not with someone, like I don't have someone to look up to in that safe, nurturing way anymore. 

I'm with a really nice guy right now who seems to instinctively understand that I age regress at times and even sometimes goes as far as to do things that remind me of when I was a kid and actually felt safe. He'll hold my hand while we walk, sometimes speak for me if I'm too shy/anxious for whatever reason, go out of his way to care for me. He'll ask me if I took my meds and sometimes even do silly things that remind me of when I was a kid, like making dumb voices through my stuffed animals. I feel like this makes my inner child latch on to him HARD and does not want to let go. 

For various reasons, at the same time, I feel like I'm not mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship right now. I just don't want to burden anyone else with my problems. 

That being said, I have no idea what to do. I don't know how to stop being like this. I don't want to experience the trauma of being the "abandoned child" again.