I have done a lot of these posts before, with 0 help or advise which is fine, It is just when you hear that someone else can feel and understand those evil EVIL FEELINGS, would really make me feel normal, because I feel that I'm literally going crazy.
Today (after reducing my antidepressants to the minimum) I woke with a panic attack and I was crying for 5 hours straight, i couldnt even make a full sentence without crying (im not an emotional guy and im def not a "cryer" whatever that means).
After experiencing that in the past i knew i was gonna be ok (by ok i mean not gonna die).
But i was suffocating i couldnt live another second like that! 
Anyway that is really just the tip of the iceberg.
My point here, am I gonna live like that until I die?
Has anyone been through this evil feeling of anxiety panic crying mental breakdowns on a regular basis and came out on the other side?
And I am super satisfied with my quality of life, unfortunately I cannot work under these mental symptoms and Im scared that quality of life will go down the drain.