A bit of a vent to follow, I have to get it off my chest:

I’m a grad student studying to be a clinical psychologist and just my experience matching so many others makes me feel incredibly helpless about this field.

Yesterday I emailed my psychiatrist letting her know that my depression was feeling really bad lately and I was unsure of how to support myself. She set up an appointment for the middle of one of my classes today. Lucky that it was on zoom.

Someone supporting my doc called 30 mins early and said she was calling on behalf of my doc, etc etc. so I was already caught off guard. Then she asked if I was a student, I said yes. I let her know I work part time alongside my clinical and school work. She said if I’m not down for an IOP (intensive outpatient program) and can’t take time off, then there’s not much they can do but up my meds. 

Then she asked if I’m a danger to my life and I said no, she wasn’t about to help me regardless. And she said cool, well I’ll schedule a follow up if you want but email your doc and up your meds (that already aren’t helping). That’s about all we can do. Oh but here’s a book recommendation, I’ll email it to you. Then she ended the call.

I started crying almost immediately.

I haven’t cried in months and this sent me over the edge. If I wasn’t feeling helpless or hopeless earlier, not sure how she thought that call was going to help.