Long story short,  I've lost the love of my live and haven't been able to find a good, genuine and honest girlfriend ever since. I've managed somehow to get out of my comfort zone  and to get back out there again, but it didn't really work out.

Only this year one of uncles, a childhood friend and my grandmother died, and my grandmother basically raised me, I've been in the same house for all my life, and it rips me apart everytime that I get home knowing that she's not there anymore. It's almost been a year since my childhood friend died and I still live in the same apartment block as his parents and it's always a depressing mood seeing them, since they've lost their only child.

Work related, I was on for a big promotion, like my dream career was on the line, maybe I still have a chance at it but I focused too much on the wrong things and missed my opportunity.\\

I hate the family I'm left with, I've always felt like an outsider, and at home, the only home I've known, I don't feel like home, and at the moment I can't afford to f\*\*\*\*\*\* leave.

I've bought a car, it was a birthday gift "to me from me", and I've already paid it twice in mechanical problems. In the first month since I bought it the police took my driving license away because I didn't stop at a yellow light. Where I'm from this is not how the law works. Anyway, I've traveled to another city and someone rammed me from behind, luckily my car didn't have anything.

I'm writing here as a cry for help, because I'm used to doing everything alone. I spend way too much time alone for my own good. Today I just stopped driving at some point because I caught myself speeding way too much, just to feel something, I don't know what, just something, without caring what could happen to me or anybody else that was on the road.

I just don't know what to do anymore and how to cope with everything that's happening around me, because for everything that's good and works out good, there are things that are 10x worse than anything good that has happened to/for me in the past 2 years.