I don’t have a FP currently. People I was closest to kept abruptly leaving my life and due to circumstances outside of my control, I had to internationally relocate multiple times in the past years, making it difficult to form lasting bonds. 

I became friends with a coworker. Her companionship meant a lot to me (given that I had no one else to talk to socially) and I have been careful not to “go too BPD” on her. I gave her space, did my best not to be needy and was self aware enough not to instinctively overwhelm her too much even though I was/am very starved of friends and social connections. 

She is a great person but unfortunately tends to be flaky at times. For example, she would suggest we do something on a specific day and then without any warning she would just not show up or answer texts. I was hospitalized a few months back due to my symptoms worsening and she was the only person I shared this with. She told me she would visit me at a particular time/day. Not only did she not visit, she was not reachable for 2 weeks which caused me a lot of additional suffering. In the end she claimed to have “forgotten” that we made plans and went on vacation and purposefully disconnected her phone - which she failed to mention too. 

I was livid but instead of arguing, managed to control my emotions and calmly tell her how that made me feel and what effect it had on me. I asked her that moving forward, if she could please let me know if she cannot make it to a previously arranged plan or if she won’t be reachable for an extended period of time. She apologized and agreed. 

Unfortunately it happened again. She suggested we do something over the weekend and THREE times in a row she canceled on me in the last second. The last time I only found out she canceled was because I specifically asked if we are still meeting as I didn’t hear from her. 

It made me feel like shit. Totally disrespected and disposable. It hurt me a lot and took me a lot of self control to stay calm but I brought it up again and let her know that I felt hurt. This time she was less apologetic and responded with a “I need time for myself” and “sorry you feel that way” and then totally stonewalled me. 

I gave her time and a week later sent her a short message saying I hope she’s ok. No response. I feel so angry and hurt. I don’t think her behavior is ok but she’s been my only ally at work and in my private life and I am not close with anyone else in this foreign country. Her behavior is bringing up a lot of my BPD patterns and I’m finding it very hard to cope. 

I will be seeing her at the office on Monday. What would you do?