 

this life is so shit, why am I even living? imagine waking up, being afraid of getting an OCD then guess what, I really get the OCD in anything.. in studies, in anything.. I cant even type meaningful sentences.

I am not what I were before 1 year.. I have really changed badly and my brain is dying second by second.. first I loved her, she said I wont leave you and we will go over ur OCD together, we will do it together, "I will be next to you forever" but we all have phD in saying stuff, but 'F' in keeping them.. well she left me saying that her parents wanted to report me to the police, if I dont leave their daughter.. although she "my ex" really loved me, and I loved her.. I feared for her more than I did for me.. I cared about her more than I cared about me, I even told her that I can talk to your parents about our love.. I have always heared that when 2 love each other they do whatever they can to stay together, but what she did is in a morning she said "Sorry we have to break up, not for me, for you, for you life" ... I had a severe depression for over 5 months.. but I cured when she said "We can return to each other when I travel" (she wanted to travel like 3 months after breaking up" and when she traveled guess what, she said "It is better not to return to each other"

That day I tried to suicide, I had a fake hope, I had fake happiness during that 3 months, during that 3 months I planned for my future with her.. I mean its so obvious she didn't love me, or at least she was forced to not love me by her parents.. And now here I am, OCD, severe depression, no hope, I really hate my life and I want to die.. I absolutely know that one day I will just explode from inside and kms, this life should be called "lie" without the f

it is unfair, this life is completely unfair, when 2 love each other without their parents knowing I guarantee that their love will work 100%, in this life dont be kind, I wanted to be kind and tell her parents about our love, that I am not just playing, I am really loving their daughter from deep my heart.. thats the love that will not work..

I have tried killing my self many many times, injecting a nicotine syringe, swallowing "17" pills, I tried cutting my hand nerve .. Please dont tell me just get over it, I dont care about that love as much as I care about the days that I spent fighting the OCD for her, fighting everything and wasting my time caring for a girl who didn't love me.. I really that talking and speaking wont change anything in my life, wont change the depression, wont change the OCD, I just hate everything and I hate my brain and my heart and I hope both of them get squeezed.