Recently going through a breakup up with my partner, it's all happened so abruptly however I can't say the warning signs weren't there.

So I don't want to write an essay with all the fine details of our relationship but we met on the dancefloor, she was with a male friend. We had a dance, added each other, started messaging and it hit off. Finally mustered the courage to see her after my last long term relationship ended in my gf cheating. It was perfect, fireworks went off between us, I hadn't felt a connection like this ever.

I found out that her male friend that was there was actually her ex, they saw each other for around 3 months I was told. But he was 'too romantic', would write poems and buy flowers. He wouldn't have 'fun sex' only make love, she also told me they would only 'fornicate like animals' to fill urges. I was a bit taken back by this, I'm serious about my relationships and I want to be sure I wasn't going to be another fling for this person I had feels for. She assured me they're just friends and has no attraction to him (anymore), so I went for it. Months later we would discuss our past relationships. I learnt that she had a group of male friends as she didn't like girl-friends, which was fine until we both asked each other how many people we slept with. She said 20+, including all of the guys in that group. I was taken back by this, I was surprised but also felt sympathy since she regretted most/all of them she said. But she got angry that I had any feelings at all.. and that was our first argument.

Everything was perfect until I would make a comment she wouldn't agree with. She would flip, sometimes stonewall me. The arguments would be intense. All I would try to do is that I did not intend any malice, but she sometimes accused me of gaslighting doing that. Usually she would self harm, cry, scream until the next day when she would 'calm down', apologise and would cuddle. I would forgive them since she was diagnosed with Asperger's shortly after we got together, I just saw it as par for the course of being with someone with a mental health condition, I'd just be happy that everything was okay again.

Then her mother insisted I become her carer, mainly to bring in some small extra funds. I didn't know exactly what it would entail but learnt it involved prompting her to wash, eat, drink and usually go to the shop for them. However this would be used against me (I feel) in arguments, "you're meant to be my carer, you're meant to understand". This would continue. But you know, love..

After 4ish years, about a month ago, we went away with my family. She was a little distant, but we were happy. Until we parked up at the car park - you know when the cars are tightly packed together - I opened the door not realising she had her fingers between the adjacent car and our door, which trapped her fingers for a second. I immediately apologised profusely. She wouldn't have it. I asked "why you put your fingers there for silly?!". Nothing. I asked to see her hand to check 5 mins later, she pulled away. So I went in a mood/off, to give some space and come to terms with the fact that for some reason she might have thought I did it on purpose? She called her mom shortly after, got the train and left us there and then. She promised everything was to be okay, she just wanted to see her mother.

Now with us both at our parents, we texted for a bit until she stopped. I wanted to get train tickets to see her but the site wasn't working so she got angry and must have just decided to stop. I asked her mom if she's okay, she said she just needed space. I gave her two weeks. After that she said she wanted to leave our flat and move back closer to her family. I was okay with this, maybe it was time for a change, she did miss her family. A weekend passed. I rang to ask about sorting the tenancy of our flat, she ended it saying it's not working.

Weeks later I ask why. Apparently I didn't give her enough 'fuss' or make her feel special. She wanted me to buy her flowers. She wants a 'normal relationship'. I feel like I've just been left in the dust. Especially since she left her ex for the opposite reason. Does she not realise how much I've done for her in terms of unconditional care? I've learnt so much, does that not count for anything?

*This ended up being a bit longer than I'd hoped haha. Thank you if you've read this. She was researching BPD whilst we were together, shortly before our breakup. I've told this story on the ASD Reddit and was told it sounds like BPD traits, so here I am.