Apologies for format im on mobile.

So a big reason why I wasn't diagnosed for a while was because I never really had those aggressive borderline meltdowns towards other people. Though it happened, I wasn't the most violent/textbook case of stereotypical bpd.

Instead I often attack myself with bad behaviors and blame the world's problems all on myself because it's easier to take responsibility than to be mad at someone who won't. Because of this I have a mass amount of guilt and do whatever the opposite of putting someone on a pedestal, to myself, thinking I'm no better than the devil because if I weren't born no one in my life would have issues. The sad part is I'm probably not wrong. 

But I wanted to know if anyone diagnosed feels like they have every trait of bpd but attack inwardly onto themselves instead of others.