Im trapped in a cycle of self hate and regret over actions i took.
Like seriously im doing dumb Things either cause i didnt think enough or im Well aware of what im doing but i cant  stop myself cause it feels Like someone else pilots me
Wich makes my self hate even stronger as i have No controll over mybody at Times.
I think this sounds Like an excuse to doge my responsibility wich IS why i dont Like to Talk about it, i mean its my body so I did it, why do i try find excuses? But i dont seem to learn tlmy mistake either since mentaly im aware but physicly someone didnt get the Memo. Through therpay i Slowly realise it isnt "my fault" at Times , but makes me still hate myself as im Not able to stop myself either ...

Its exhausting to be m own enemy. I make my own Problems and drown in selfhate over my own stupidity. Perhaps oneday i the controlls out, rn i Just can complian.