I came from a low income house and was pressured into University by my high school. All they cared about was their University acceptance rate and so bashed into us we had to go if we didn’t want to end up on the streets.

I went to University with only £500 I had saved from my summer job (had to help with bills and rent at my parents house), my student loan of £1300 and a £60 gift from my auntie. All this to last me 5 months!

I ended up taking out a credit card with a £750 limit and horrendous interest by November just so I didn’t have to decide between rent and a meal a day. You all know how that goes...

I gained depression from not having friends at university. The fact I couldn’t afford to go out coupled with a lack of motivation for my course as travelling to University meant a 55 minute walk as I couldn’t afford the train there and back (my university changed campus for my course in my first week of term), and the fact I was home sick caused me to drop out in year 2. 

I then came out of University to get the only job I was qualified for that paid barely anything (no one wants to hire a 19 year old University drop out unless your company ends in A’ Manger or Donalds). 

My new job then dragged me into a further hole, my manager was awful and my pay only covered enough for the rent at my family house, travel to work and my now increasing bills. 

Then covid-19 hit which resulted in me losing my job meaning I had to work in a warehouse for even less money. That summer my best friend and only friend died unexpectedly and my grandfather passed away.

In the present day I have no friends, no money and no hope. Any creative ideas I foster are shut down by my financial situation and the fact I still contribute a lot to my family home. Every day is a constant struggle to find the inner happiness to actually go about my 24 hours. I have mounting debts from Uni and credit cards and nothing to show for it.

I feel like my only meaning in life is to help my family financially and help whatever shitty business physically. I don’t even care to dream or plan anymore because I don’t see anything improving anytime soon. 

I wish I could reset to that last summer of high school and do more research and self discovery. I wish I had made decisions for myself and not for others and I wish covid didn’t arrive.

I wait for death.