Hi, I'm F30 and have been depressed for over two decades. With the ups and downs of course.. I've been in a relationship for almost 10 years with M33.

My sex drive was once very high, until last year. I don't know what happened, but it's gone and i don't push myself into it neater. I just don't wanna anymore. As u can understand this brought a lot of issues in my relationship.

Now my boyfriend has been complaining for a year. That i do understand. But then he started doing drugs and drinking more.. blaming it on the lack of sex and saying he needs it for distraction. I'm very much against it but I don't have a fight in me anymore. And tbh i will never take the blame for anyone doing such! 
He has nightmares every night of doing sexual stuff with exes and then he starts pretty much every day being crumpy or angry. I do try to start the day with a smile even if it's hard. But this is hard to fight of.

Sometimes we don't speak for days at a time! And sometimes it's a kind of a relief 😮‍💨.. oh yeah we live together in a tiny studio. That doesn't make none of this easier!

So we just had an argument and I told him I just want to be able to breathe for once! I've been out of work for 6 months for the first time in our relationship! Which has stressed the hell out of me! I wanna be able to eat, pay rent.. really the basic stuff. He never had a job in this whole time! Yes he models from time to time, but this isn't stable at all! Why is it so difficult to give me just one moment of care! 😔 He was very angry and told me to find a Suger daddy if all i want is money, and that I'm scandalous BCS i won't give sex if he doesn't work. I've never ever ever asked him for anything! Not one penny. I'm not that kind at all! I just want to have a tiny break.
I'm really falling into pieces. And sex is the LAST thing on my mind! I know it's important to him, but man i just can't..  I've been supporting us for 10years. And now I'm so depressed I can't anymore and I'm scared of losing the roof over my head! I can't focus on finding work now, I've been feeling so low 😞.. no love, no income, no nothing.. 

Please i would love some support or advice, anything.