it feels like i don't have a support system.  i feels like i don't belong anywhere.  i don't want to be here.   
 but being over there isn't any better.  i'm numb.  nothing is enjoyable.  i don't remember what it is like to feel okay.  i want to stab myself.  the thoughts never stop.  nothing i'm doing seems to be working.

i am not looking forward to waking up tomorrow (if i can get to sleep).  i just ruminate and stare at the ceiling wondering when will any moment just be okay.