Why is there always something wrong😭

I have good periods but I always end up feeling bad eventually. I disgust myself by chewing on my cuticles and I can’t sleep because of anxiety. Why? Who knows? I’m tired of struggling; I’ve been doing so for 9 years now and I don’t really have any friends.

I’ve felt like a monster (BDD) in the past and I’ve also been absolutely convinced that I’m dying of ALS (I’m 23F for reference🙄) or that I have HIV (I don’t and I’ve never had an STI afaik). Life’s a struggle.

I met my current boyfriend in August and he’s so … mentally healthy. He told me he’s never felt stressed out prior to one occurrence that happened since I met him. There was this really big presentation at school. He was joking and said that it’s probably because he’s “getting old”. In that case, I’ve been getting old since I was like 10.

I’m just tired of being so unstable. I missed paying a bill a few months ago and had a full blown panic attack. I called my mom and once I finally calmed down I paid the bill and there were zero repercussions.

I constantly self sabotage.