I'm so sick of feeling like a freak. Like I don't belong. Unlovable and unwanted no matter how much I give or do it is not worthy of anyone actually caring.

I saw some messages between my brother and mum basically saying how I am just trouble, make drama out of everything after having to call the police on my abusive ex to protect my newborn. 

My friends meet up without me and don't even hide it. If I'm included in a meet up I'm expected to travel and barely get asked how I am or not listened to. 

I invited my family to my house over a Christmas period, one of my brothers flat out refused, but now he has a new house 2 hours away he is moaning I've not visited, despite being a single parent with no support from the dad and him not having any kids. The other brothers ignored my invite.

Eldest brother blamed me when I was being harassed at work. Ended up with him saying I'm dead to him.

An old flame reappeared recently and basically only wants to message when he's horny and made it clear he doesn't want any kind of relationship with me and hasn't even bothered to ask me about the results from a cancer scare I've recently had.

I think about my funeral and I see maybe my son therebut no one else. No one will come to my grave. I could be dead in my house and no one will notice for months 

I've never felt I fitted in. I feel like an alien. I keep these poor relationships with friends and family because if I cut everyone out I will literally have no one. 

Does anyone else just feel exhausted of trying to do everything for everyone else, open yourself up by inviting to meet up or being more up front about things only to be shot down? 


**Not sure if "black sheep" term is just a British thing, but it basically means odd one out, disappointment etc**