Had a bit of a therapeutic breakthrough last night. 

Ever since I was little I've lost things very easily. Car keys, phone, toys, certain clothes, remotes, etc. My first instinct, my whole life, was that someone stole whatever I was looking for and couldn't find. I'd always tell my a parents or whoever was around me, usually in a panicked scream, "SOMEONE STOLE IT". Last year, after becoming self-aware, I wondered why I assumed someone stole whatever I'd lost. Last night it clicked. It triggered adoption trauma in me. Something that was supposed to be there was no longer there and I panicked. Mom was supposed to be there and was no longer there. I think baby me felt like I was stolen from my b family or my b family was stolen from me. Adoption triggers never end lol.

I want to add that adoption trauma is the core of my BPD, so any sort of realization and growth in relation to coping with and understanding the trauma is big progress for me! Hope you have a good night! :)