I have been struggling with diagnosed but untreated depression and anxiety since i was 13, I am 20 now. I could never get proper treatment because in my country the cost for private mental health support is ridiculous and public mental health support is 1. hard to get, 2. useless and 3. doesnt cater to severe mental health problems. My mental health was never that bad (in relation to what it is now) but I had a traumatic experience when I was 16 that caused me to no longer have any friends. This has caused my mental helath to spiral out of control. Before this I was not socially anxious at all, I had great confidence in myself and had loads of what I thought were friends. Now, I am suicidal, i cant work, I have no social life... I am severely socially anxious now and I think every friend I make now will leave me or I feel guilty for trying to be friends with them not to mention all my friends now are made through my toxic boyfriend, so I think that if anything happens between me and him that they will all just leave me in the dirt and I cant go through that again. I have no future plans, I was meant to go to uni but because of my mental health I flunked out of my college course. I have been searching for a job since I moved out of the city I went to college in but I've only been rejected. I have no money left. Soon my boyfriend will be moving back to the City to finish his studies and I will be left in my small town lonely and broke. What the f can I do. I dont want to kill myself but it would be so much easier to just not exist anymore. The only thing that is stopping me from commiting is the fact that siblings of someone who has unalived themselves are like way more likely to do it too and I dont want that. I want to get help, I want to become healthy, I want to get out and do things, I want to make friends, I want to work and make money, I want to live. I just think that in order to fix my life I need to have money but I cant get money because I need to fix my mental problems which i need money to fix. WTF I am living in a loop. How do people get out of this situation when they have no money. I just needed to vent.