So, I am getting really bad. I hear strange tones coming from the neighbors house. Sometimes I feel like I am dying. I think I am being poisoned and the world is going to end. 

So, I do not want to make the the trip back to the looney bin. I called my GP and my psyche doc. They sounded really apathetic and had no other suggestions besides ordering another med. But some of those meds... the ones I were on before Risperdone and perphanazine... they made me feel like I was looking out of a tv screen. 

Wow, what a messy wall of text. I can't even type a complete sentence anymore. These medications have really fucked me up. But what do. I do not have much left in savings, I am on disability. I want to go live in a mental hospital. Other times what I really want is to get my mind back, take control over my life and get back into the world. But I am smart enough to see, I am too fucked up to do that. ANd it is scary have no control over anything.

I think the MK Ultra program has been expanded. There are those tones again. I also hear crazy drilling noises but when I go outside to look there is nobody there. Is my brain in a jar somewhere. I do not see why I deserve this. I was always nice to my Sims when I played the game.  