So, hear me out. I've been diagnosed with depression at 12, currently 17. But my parents believe it "just passes". Especially my father. Sure, it may pass, but it takes YEARS for that shit to just 'pass'. I've had suicidal thoughts on a regular basis, and I dont know what to do anymore. Its all fucking falling apart. 2 years ago they pulled me out of therapy because they didnt like having antidepressants and mental hospitals even mentioned after they heard my psychiatrist recommended those. Instead, my father took me in his car, we drove, and he just pushed. Not even in a nice way he forced me to say everything, and then he threatened he'd kill my sister and then himself if I ever even thought about killing myself. Like DUDE. That is NOT the fucking SOLUTION. And thats only gotten me more stressed. I dont usually cry, I absolutely hate even the feeling of wanting to cry, but for the past few weeks all the motivation is gone, and I cant help but have up to 5 crying sessions a day. And hiding that in a house full of people, where I cant even have my own room, my own privacy, is that much harder.

Now to finally connect it with the title. I see no point. Sure, my family may be sad if I off myself, but that'll pass. And they'll die, and then it'll all be as if it never happened. I dont want to make them upset in any way, but its just becoming so hard to keep on living. I have to retake the whole year's math because my paremts forced me to go to a wedding in another country, meaning I couldnt fix the last grade. Everything else was perfect, yet I have to retake it all because of one fucking grade. But seriously, where do people see the point? You study (suffer while doing so), then you have to get a job you probably hate, and have to pay to even be allowed to eat and sleep, your family may die before you, but if not you just upset them by passing away. And even so, after you retire all you do is wait to die. Nobody is ever truly happy, not in the world we live in. So please. Can anyone tell me what to do, because I may just do something stupid.


(I havent vented this to anyone ever before, so just. I need honest answers. I hope it clears some stuff up.)