I'm supposed to be dead...I am dead. Halfway actually, my body still fights no matter what I thinks the right thing to do...I don't think anything I ever did mattered. So in that way ig life actually was a lie and if I continue to live regardless of what happens I'll just suffer. Bc I know it to be true and there's no changing that. I've tried but you can only deny the truth for so long, everything just feels like pretend. Even if ppl say it's for the better. It never felt that way. Just a "stay here and suffer w the rest of us!" 

It doesn't feel real yk to try. It never did so ig me just living was the start of it all. And ppl don't understand it lol. You can share the same struggle but in the end nothing changes. It'll never be enough bc there's nothing they can do for each other. Best bet is to take a couple pills and fingers crossed..life's such a fucking joke. I actually don't wish I could make it work.. sufferings not worth it and for me that's all there is