I’m a 39yo man who is introverted but somehow throws himself into things to try to move forward but is never satisfied/happy. 

I’d play soccer and hang out with those people, but I never felt like true a part of it. In work I’d stumble through presentations I’d sign up for because I’d look at it like a progression transaction. I’d do everything to try and cover my real and perceived weaknesses spending time that I should spend on other things.

My US-born wife is around the same age. I came from a country with poor mental health services and a culture that didn’t recognize mental health concerns. 

No one ever suggested I might suffer from anxiety until the latest therapist suggested this. We had seen someone before with pre marriage counseling and after, but it wasn’t very helpful. When they said it, it just clicked.

Recently I’ve had an ailment that had impacted how much I can do at home looking after our kid, along with more work, as well as a continuing education program. I can’t work out any more and am in constant pain. I feel like I have been going nonstop for 6 months and can’t really remember a great day. I just put my head down at night and hope that I have some peaceful sleep. The pain has made a lot of my discussions about me or I bluntly pause her conversations to try and get a grip on myself to concentrate

This has made me depressed and made me very short which is hurting my relationship with my wife. I try to get myself together to have a better conversation, but I keep messing up. She wants more of an emotional connection and I’m struggling to find words to the point I don’t say anything out of fear I make things worse. Other times I think of something after and try to say it as she is off to do something else which she hates. I can she is frustrated (she deserves to be based on how I’ve reacted), but I struggle to even think over the pain.

She wanted some valentines things that have fallen through because of logistics and my inability to focus. I still had most of the planning started on a schedule my wife would have been ok with. I’m feeling even more depressed and not sure how to get out of this cycle. 

We have another therapy session in a few weeks, but was curious if others have these kind of cycles.