So basically covid really fucked up my life in colossal ways right when I thought it was starting to get better. Now my life is stuck on hold and I truly feel like Im going crazy. Ive had horrible anxiety since I was 10 but for the first time in my life I am experiencing real panic attacks constantly and I am seriously thinking of suicide for the first time in years because I see no end to my current situation and its out of my control.I've come to the conclusion I  need help but I was in theraphy basically all my childhood and I had horrible experiences with people being patronizing, judgemental and just blaming me for all my problems and telling me its my fault because Im not trying hard enough. I literally got put on a 72hr hold the first and only time I thruthfully opened up to a theraphist. To this day that experience its still one of the most traumatic for me. So Im so scared and confused I was thinking of doing online therapy like an app or something but Im scared I might just be wasting my money. Has anyone even had any actual good theraphy experiences where you werent just mocked? I also hate the "tough love" a lot of theraphists use because it feels like rubbing salt in a wound I hate those entitled bitches. Theraphy is also something that really triggers me and makes me super agressive and angry because I am really sensitive and it legit feels like they're trying to insult and belittle me. Ive brought this up to past therapist and all I got was "well thats your problem you need to change your reaction Im not here to baby you". Please tell me there is hope and I can get help without being treated like shit.