I don’t want this to come across as looking down on those with BPD—if it does, that is completely my fault. 

Background on me: I(22F) am currently in DBT and CBT to help with my depression, suicidal ideations, and PTSD.  A lot of the trauma I faced was a result of my abusive dad. I grew up only in my mom’s house since she had full custody. When I first was working on healing from my trauma, I was under the impression that it all stemmed from how my dad treated me and as I’ve been going through DBT, I’ve been recognizing how growing up with my mom did affect me and how I communicate with others. I was talking to my therapist and she asked if my mom was ever diagnosed with BPD and I brushed it off then and now, I think she’s right. 

1. Suicide attempts. My first memory of my mom is her threatening to kill herself. 

2. Emotion dysfunction. I’ve always recognized that my mom has anger issues. Plates would be thrown. She would lock my siblings out of the house. I grew up thinking this is just how people fight—I didn’t like it but I assumed everyone dealt with this. Started DBT and was able to recognize how unregulated they are for her. This year, she was too anxious to attend my college commencement. She made the decision not to come the night before and my entire family(who also did not come) was aware…except for me. I learned via text as I was about to walk into the stadium that no one was there. When I said I felt hurt and disrespected, my mom did not validate my feelings and instead said I was making her want to kill herself. 

3. Fear of abandonment. My mom makes comments about my brother’s partners to me saying they hate her and won’t let future grandchild around her. Says my sister already x’d her out. Dying alone comments. 

4. Insecurity. At my birthday party, I wanted to change the subject and respect one of my boundaries. She responded “I am your mother and you cannot talk to me like that.” On the daily basis, Says a lot of judgmental thoughts about herself—cries about being stupid if she makes a mistake. 

5. Blackouts. I’m not sure if this is a symptom. I’ll mention something she said/did in one of her rages and how it hurt me and she’ll say she doesn’t remember that happening. I feel invalidated and that I’m the only one carrying the weight of the trauma. 

6. Trauma. She grew up in a physically abusive household and my dad abused her. 

I guess I typed this all out to validate myself and seek advice on how to build a healthier relationship