Seriously. I realized recently that I am always an afterthought to every single friend I have. I cannot remember the last time that I had any kind of conversation with any of them where I wasn't the one who initiated conversation. I'm always the one who has to reach out first. Otherwise, I would never speak to anyone because I'm seemingly not important or memorable enough to speak to or involve in things. What I'd it about me that makes me so disposable and easily forgotten? (rhetorical since none of you know me). It's like I have to amplify my depression and BPD in order to get any kind of recognition at all, and I hate that. And even then, the response is minimal at best. 
I often feel like a complete waste of air and space. And I often feel like eliminating that waste. Because it wouldn't even matter. I don't matter. To anyone. Even people (a person) I've known for 30 years. 

I know this will sink with little to no recognition. It's okay. I'm clearly used to that. I just needed to write this out somewhere.