Started taking them a few weeks ago. I pretended that feeling suicidal after a while wouldn't happen to me this time. I ignored that possibility..... when I knew that it always happens. 
I was so positive during the first week. I felt a million times better. I forgot what depression was.
Now, I am so numb. I have no emotions. I used to be so dramatic and impulsive, now I can barely move. I've started smoking cigarettes. I've started binge eating again, just to feel something.
The positive side is that my depersonalization went away. I think I miss it. Better than whatever this is..
All I want is to be loved, and no one will ever love someone with a million more issues than anyone could imagine. 
Whenever I get close to someone, they back off soon after. I'm damaged. I'm broken. I'm in pain. At least, I used to be... Now i'm empty. 
I don't know what to do. I lack the motivation to hurt myself. 