My boyfriend is amazing. He has been so supportive and understanding and has always stood by me. I have been working so hard to get better over the years and it has been working. I haven't self-harmed in about 2 years and haven't even lost my temper in a year. I have learned how to stop in stressful situations and breathe, utilize mindfulness, and calm myself long enough for me to address the conflict more articulately later. I have gone from losing my shit and breaking walls, screaming, fighting, and even losing touch with reality to a person who can catch herself starting to feel that disconnect and stop it before I lose control.

That said, I'm not perfect. I have BPD and no matter how much I work on it sometimes I will slip. Today I slipped, mildly compared to my past, but I lost it and started yelling at him in public. I was so outraged. I calmed down within 15 minutes, but the harm was already done, and he had concluded that I am not as better than he thought.

I tried to explain to him that I am working every single day but this is a mental illness and sometimes I will slip. I have been doing so well yet he says "well clearly you're not better" from one instance in a year. It's like he thinks this is some phase that I worked myself out of and now I'm normal like him. I don't know how to explain to him that despite my efforts to be better every day, I have a mental illness and sometimes this might happen. I just don't know how to explain that to him.

~~I don't get how somebody so compassionate could also be so ignorant to who I am.~~




**EDIT: After your thoughtful replies and a full nights sleep I realize that I was 100% in the wrong here, and blaming BPD was just so out of place. Truth is I was laid off at my job and I took that anger out on him, and BPD or not that was NOT OKAY. He has every right to be upset with me and I take full responsibility for my actions. Thank you so much for your honest replies because they only help me continue to get better. Thank you so much everybody.**