I don’t know my new psych very well, and I have an extremely hard time being open with him - part of that is paranoia. There are times where I’m on my way to an appointment especially during a depression and I’m working up the nerve to really open up but then I get in there and words don’t really come out. 

When I’m manic (and severely depressed actually I think) I hear voices - tend to start out kind of nice, I believe it’s God,  but that never lasts and end up believing I’m possessed, hearing demons, seeing things to have them disappear, feeling things crawling - ripping apart my room at 3 am looking for the bugs that don’t exist. One of them comments on and criticizes things I do - even mundane things like putting makeup on - or tells me what to do, taunts and ridicules me, and will legitimately tell me not to tell the doctors because they’re going to hurt me somehow - and that I’m pathetic and being a baby and laugh. 

So I freeze and feel paralyzed. Trapped with and in myself. I’m pretty aware right now, and I have an appointment on Monday but don’t know how to get this out. I’m terrified of what they’ll do to me. 

Help?