im a complete and utter failure. everything i do is wrong and nobody stopped me from being a failure. my parents didn't do anything to stop me from being the failure i am today and i have nothing to show for being 28 years old. i cry 4-6 times every day.

i survived several psychotic breaks last year due to medication cocktail problems and that destroyed me. i suffer from all of the negative psychotic symptoms now. no hallucinations. 

i have no energy left to pretend to be happy. my doctors failed me. i couldn't listen to my therapists. there isn't a pill for me. im just slipping through every crack in the system and all day i have nothing to do but reflect on my life.

when i was a kid i was such a happy artist and something happened in sixth grade where my real personality developed and i kept on telling myself i could never be an artist. and now when i draw i can feel my seoul turning to ash. god help me. there was such opportunity for me to be a beautiful and engaged person but it's gone now. im done. my dad failed me. my mom failed me. im a failure. 

my dad told me he went through the same thing (not believing in becoming an artist) and i just want to die. i guess being a failure is genetic