I’ve had experienced with FP’s before but since I had met my husband I didn’t really have it happen. Mostly because my husband wouldn’t allow me to talk to other people out of fear of me getting attached to them. 

I got attached to this guy and we were supposed to be just friends. The problem was the guy was sexually and emotionally attracted to me and my hubby didn’t really help that because he is a cuck (partly, he wants to watch things happen but doesn’t want me to have any interaction with the person other than that) and this guy was someone he found to sleep with me. 

I’ve been in therapy for years and have been working on my attachments to others and feel like I’ve done really well with it. Until me and this guy started to talk more and then I felt myself getting attached. The guy also has BPD so he has a habit of ghosting/ blocking for months and then coming around again. 

Something about him makes me completely mad, unstable, I feel like I’m losing my shit. I can’t control myself from not talking to him when he comes around, I’ve met up with him in private behind my husbands back (I kissed him but nothing else happened), and I feel like I’m in love with him but I know that can’t be true because I don’t really know him. He gives me breadcrumbs whenever he comes around and I guess he’s just exciting. 

I don’t know what to do. I feel guilty about meeting up with him and making out. I also feel guilty about talking to him but it’s like when he messages me I can’t rationally think and my emotions take over. 

I’m not sure if it’s worth adding but my husband was my first boyfriend, the only person I’ve slept with, and when it comes to dating and sex I’m extremely inexperienced.