I feel like all stuff going to dark , since the fucking childhood till  now , I never loved that version of mine, I'm struggling with fucking loneness of mine , Just feel like I'm a stupid person all time not  taking the right decisions all time , you know ,I'm always a big ambitious , but guess what , this negativity kills all stuff , make me hate myself like about to suicide or sth , like you know when I just  discovered the painless suicide ways to end it even I didnt want to kill himself just if it happens I think It could be better , Just I want to  change it . I hate night cuz its negativity and I hate morning cuz of  its negativity and hate myself cuz of that fucking coward in myself.  feel like I'm lost