I'm having the worst time dealing with stuff right now.
I feel hopeless, sad, lonely, worthless and a long list of other negative things. 

I don't want to bother my friends with how I'm feeling because I know they have their own lives and I have this built up image of me being a strong bad ass that gives no fucks and I don't want them to see me any different.

I can't go to my family because they mostly don't understand. None of them deal with any sort of mental illness and they have a hard time sympathising. I'm mostly seen as the drama queen or cry baby in my family. 

On top of that my boyfriend is so depressed he's done nothing but sleep for the past few days and refused to hang out with me yesterday when I kinda needed him. Not entirely his fault as I have a hard time expressing that I'm not doing well without making it sound like a joke. 

I feel so alone. I feel tired and useless. Even when I'm happy I feel like I'm faking it and I'm on the verge of a meltdown any minute. I can easily talk about everything going right and the many reasons I'm doing so much better than I ever have and it all feels like it's not enough. 

I know this feeling is temporary. I know eventually my mood will switch like a light and I'll be happy again. But for now, I feel like trash. I don't even have the energy to cry. I just want to feel ok again