My wife suffers from perimenapause/anxiety/depression and grief. In 2016, her mother died of pancreatic cancer. My wife was already dealing with depression. Losing her mother made things worse. Then in 2018 our son committed suicide while at college. Our grief is tremendous.  Our other son checked himself into the hospital a few months later for suicidal ideations. My son has gotten much better, thank goodness. My wife has gotten better too but her lows are pretty bad. She hates my family. She hates that I speak to them and/or see them. She doesn’t think they were there for our son before he died. 

During her low points I am patient and calm. She will lash out at me for hours. Then the next day she is normal. I can see she feels sorry for what happened the night before but she doesn’t say she is sorry. I know she cannot help it. I a relieved it’s over. It’s only happened two other times this year which is a big improvement. But my heart is broken. The things she has said is heartbreaking, soul crushing. Some of it is true, some of it is harsh. I love my wife. I do not want to leave her. It is my duty to be there for her. Like I said, things are better than before. But when it’s bad it is almost like emotional abuse.

Three things. This post is an over simplification. Yes she is under a doctor’s care including medication. And it’s not her fault.

In addition, I have kidney disease. My kidneys are failing. My wife has gone thru almost all for the tests to be a donor despite her anxiety and depression to be a donor for me. She is my hero. We love each other very much.

I just need help coping with her lows and worry when I die how she will cope without me.

I’ve done talk therapy, but it doesn’t seem to help. I practice self care. Exercise and eat decent. Get sleep. I guess it helps but it’s still rough at times. We have good times, but the bad days are soul crushers.