I study psychology. I know what anxiety is like, textbook definition. But what's worse is I know how it feels like, that lingering pressure that never really goes away. For as long as I remember, it almost always felt like I never got a day of rest, where even some things that should just be the least of my worries trouble me a lot. At first my heart rate would just spike and I'd lose my appetite. So I'd turn to sleeping lengthy hours and half of the day I'd spend laying in bed worrying about stuff I should be doing. Heck, I know I should be getting up and actually doing them, but I get too anxious that it gets too much till I end up crying to release some of the pressure.

But that doesn't help now, see. I always try to talk to my partner about it, how I feel like crap and how it sucks to have this inner voice that only ever gave me negative thoughts. I've always been anxious about my insecurities. But even then I'd think I'm only bothering my peers if I try to talk about it. So I keep it to myself, but it only got worse. Now even sleep can't lessen the pressure, that I'd even wake almost hourly because of the distress. I'm just tired. And I know I should go seek professional advice. But I have neither the time nor resources to get therapy.

Venting here was my last resort. It's just been a really long, really crappy experience. I'm sorry for the long post. I'm just really tired of it all.