Last night I spoke to the widow of one of the most important people who supported me during the darkest hours of my life.

I always know how sincere he was and how much he tried to make me feel important and loved. But I cannot reciprocate his feelings towards me and yet he continued to talk to me and share moments of his life. Like he wanted to remind me how I was missing out on life. 

He will travel around his neighborhood while I was on video calls. I can feel his intention to make me feel better. Even tho he knew that my relationship with him will never go beyond friendship. 

He was there to watch me over and make sure that I will never do something that can harm me. I can only recall the video calls where he used to show bridges and restaurants. My memory is not still not vivid until now.

I never really asked for someone to watch me over like that. We never lost contacts until he finally found a girlfriend that he eventually married. He was so happy and excited about his relationship and he always loved sharing it with me.

After a year or so, I received a message from him and it was his partner. I was told that he was gone.

I just lost my dad and receiving that kind of mesaage had wrecked me more. 

I looked through my conversations with him and I notice that, I was not really there. I was so depressed that I was not really there. Now that I am recovering, it is harder to see the reality and how much it hurts to lose people who truly cares and loves you. It hurts that you never had the time to conscioisly appareciate or even thank them for it.