Sometimes I wish my anxiety would express itself as it did when I was young. I always wanted to move because I was so jittery and full of energy. Running, playing, making jokes, focussing outwards was my way of coping with all the negative feelings.

I feel like the more I was brainwashed during school and university, the more I had to internalize this negative energy/jittery feeling so that now from the exterior I am calm but in my inner I am nervous as hell and paralyzed. Ever since school got more serious I was forced to remain calm, not do any heavy movements, hell we were even prohibited to throw snowballs in school (I truly hate the school system and think it is equivalent to prison. It is psychological violence towards children and teenagers).

I was wondering if anybody else started all jittery during childhood but got too stiff and paralyzed during adulthood? Is this common among anxious people?

Merry Xmas and kind regards