I have no idea where to start. I have always been a very anxious person. I have severe childhood trauma that I have struggled with my entire life. 

This past month has been extremely stressful for me. I have had high levels of work stress. High levels of home stress. I had been very nervous and excited about my girlfriend moving in. I accidentally hurt her with the way I spoke to her, and she needed space. It triggered some abandonment thing I didn't even know I had, and I hurt her further, and after back and forth arguments, we broke up. This was two days ago. Last night I said mean things to her and midway through my mood changed from frustration to desperation and sadness.

I have known her for my entire life. I have been best friends with her for my entire life. Our relationship was wonderful. Not long ago we were in disneyland. I have no idea what is happening right now. I read back our conversations and in the moment I feel like I am right. When I read it back I have no idea why I have said what I have said. It isn't me. 

My mood is swinging like crazy. One moment I am neutral. The next I am sobbing. The next I am frustrated and upset. Every breath is harder to take than the last one. I was in the middle of a city and completely forgot what it was that i was doing. Everyone seemed to be moving so fast around me. My head feels like it is on fire. 

Everything is happening around me so fast and it feels like I just need to run from it all. One second I feel like I am worthy of love, the next I feel like I am worthless. I have no appetite. I am struggling to keep down food. I have not slept more than two hours a night for days despite using zquil. 

I have no idea what to do. To see a therapist it is many months away. I am trying to get home to my family because I cannot hold it together but they feel so far away right now. 

I need to vent this somewhere and I could really use suggestions right now.