Thanks, LinkedIn.

This is about to get very specific and I completely understand if you don't get it:

Everytime I look at LinkedIn I cry. I don't know why I do this to myself. 

I did an undergrad in architecture. It was so awful. The second most painful period of my life was university. I felt like the stupidest person in the room for 5 whole years. And I was. I repeated 3rd year 3 times. A bloody legend. When I finished my degree I was finished mentally. Every last scrap of self esteem I had was gone. 

Fast forward around 10 years later and almost everyone I knew had the fortitude to return to their postgraduate studies and become professional architects. I'm working in a dead end job as a draughtsperson because that's all I'm qualified to do. 

Yet, I don't want to be an architect anyway, but I do want to feel like someone. I want to feel successful too. I feel so useless in my life because I'm 30 years old and I don't have a real career and the only skills I have are for a job field that I despise from the very bottom of my heart. It hurts me. It makes me very depressed. 

I'm really hurting and triggered so if you feel like this is my fault and I should do better please don't hurt me more. 

Thanks for reading.