I'm a 26 year old male who has had anxiety since they were a kid. Something I've always had to try and manage and at a young age, wasn't sure what I was trying to manage. Mixed with off and on depression my mental health takes a toll on me almost every day. I have my good days but slowly I can feel my good days slipping out of my fingers. I just wake up now to nothing, no reason for being here.

I lost my job due to covid, my gf dumped and my parents of 32 years split...all in the same month. Ever since then it's been a downward spiral into more darkness. I lost my apartment to a storm a month ago and now I'm forced to live out of bins in my dad's basement with no site in getting a job or a new place to go to. I flat out just do not know what to do anymore. Anyone with a mental illness knows how much work it is to just put your "im fine" face on everyday let alone the rest of the tasks you do as an adult. I was never one for suicidal thoughts but more and more I see myself driving and just looking at walls that could kill me. I just don't have the energy to find what I need to do, I don't have health insurance, can't afford therapy and unfortunately free and or cheap therapists don't seem to offer me the help I need. My anxiety is incredibly severe to point where if people argue loudly I can feel a panic attack setting in. I'm incredibly uncomfortable in my skin, my brain never shuts off so I'm just stuck in this spiral of never ending dread with no end in sight. I'm writing this knowing only a few people may say it and probably won't have the words I need to hear but I just have no one that understands. No one in my family or any of my friends have anxiety, there's just no one I can talk to that gets it. I only get pity sympathy because people feel bad.

If only they knew how I feel on the inside.