Hello I’m new here it’s my first post and I’m also 21 male, if that matters. I am depressed, like my title says. It started years ago when I was 12, before that maybe but that’s not where I’m going to start, I was in a car accident and it changed my life. I ended up with broken bones, shattered joints, brain damage and I lived through it all despite being resuscitated multiple times. Talking about that would be a post in itself so I’m going to do my best to summarize. I shouldn’t have lived and I did. I should’ve had permanent brain damage and I didn’t. To some it’s a miracle. I spend the next 5 years of my life in and out of the hospital, I went through so much in those years. There’s so much trauma to unpack; from therapists accusing me of lying and holding me down and forcefully stretching my leg causing it to slowly brake over the span of 3 months due to an infection no one was aware of while constantly gaslighting me saying my pain isn’t real-to having abusive parents that recently separated and used me to not only as a lighting rod for there anger but also gaslighted me and made me feel worthless maybe even worse than I already felt. That’s not even the tip of the iceberg. Anyway I came out the other end finally walking after years and strong. At least that’s what everyone saw. At the end of my long, long journey I thought it was over. But all I was really just a 17 year old hs graduate who over came frightening odds and yet still had the rest of his life. For many reasons it broke me. That’s where it truly started. I became so depressed once I finally got better. All my friends went there separate ways and by the time I was a senior it was just me in my friend group. I was still learning to walk and I was expected to work 40 hr weeks. I ignored most of my education (though I was above average in school) in favor of my medical operations because that’s where my focus needed to be at the time so I ended up with no goal set for college. I have nothing. I spend everyday since sad, lonely and sometimes angry. I thought if I ignored things maybe it’ll get better. It’s gotten worse. The pain used to kill me and instead it turned into a mental and emotional pain that is eating me alive. I don’t know what to do or where to start. I’m 21 now. It’s been 4 years since highschool and I have nothing. I am just so sad my heart is so heavy and I am broken inside. I am broken.