Please bear with me I know it's long but context is important.

&amp;#x200B;

He has bpd and I don't but am open to understanding. We had our first argument and both of us were right and wrong but still very mean words were said on both sides. Other than that our relationship has been amazing, comforting, and it felt like we both could be ourselves and motivate each other. We're LDR but I felt like he was here with me.

We talked a little the day after the argument but then something he did caught up to him and he thought I got him in trouble (I didn't) so he blocked me. That along with the argument I get that he would feel incline to erase me from his mind because it looked like I could be spiteful and hurt him so easily (even though our argument wouldn't have happened if I didn't have strong feelings for him). It just hurts because he decided to go through all the stages of a break up without trying to reach out to me. Not even a "fuck you!" during the anger stage was sent. He unblocked me a week later and I told him I needed space because I was still hurt by the argument and how easily he could block me instead of listening to my side of things.

Fast forward another week I reach out trying to rebuild our relationship explaining what went wrong and what I didn't do with that other situation. He says that me doing that did mess with him because he already rewired his brain about me and said there were no more feelings for me. I didn't realize until the first time we talked about the break up he truly split me black. But he did agree to do like a trial week with me to see if we could rekindle. It was starting to feel like we were warming up to each but but we only did two days because the conversation about us was brought up and then he said he did feel that spark but shut himself down from being open to it and then tried to say he only did the trial to make me feel better and for me to just move on. It's confusing because he's the type of person to be open and honest and would've said no from the beginning if he thought it was dumb so I know he wanted to I just don't understand why he didn't let himself be open to it. To my knowledge and from what he said he's not actively looking for anyone else either.

We're in the same friend group and it's not that awkward I guess. The ones who know we did break up couldn't even tell. He wants to be friends and hang out just us but hasn't been the first to initiate any of our talks/hang outs. But when we're in a group setting he can joke around with me and tease me like we didn't just go through the weirdest break up ever. When we're with friends I can tell he actively listens to everything I say because he would joke or repeat it but he'd also make comments about sex or responded to comments when guys were talking about butts which confuses me because he wouldn't talk about our relationship in front of his ex (who he claims he'll never get back together with for a valid reason) because he didn't want to hurt her feelings but could talk about the idea of sex in front of me?

Reading this back-- if this was a guy without bpd I would have a strong conversation with myself and treat myself to a spa day but I'm trying to be understanding because he does have it and the ride is not always fun. I don't want to push him so I'm trying to stop myself from reaching out first because even thought I want him to know I still care for him I realize how annoying it can be for the other person to keep trying to pop up. I'm just afraid of object constancy and us missing a window of opportunity because he thinks I don't want to give this another chance anymore.