I'm not looking for a fix, advice, or any input really, just wanted to speak my mind. Feel free to speak yours in the comments, or don't... Idc, idk how reddit works.... 

I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember, over the last few years I've been constantly in my head. I can never stop thinking about my anxiety, playing every possible scenario in my head for hours every single fucking day. I can hardly talk to anyone, when I try I feel physically sick. I get lightheaded, my mind goes blank, tears well in my eyes, my breathing becomes uncontrolled, its fucking awful. I'm scared of challenges and obstacles, I'm mortified of being judged and it's all in my head and it's my fault for thinking this way. I have no one to talk to about how I feel, I don't want to push my feelings and trauma onto my friends because I don't want to be a burden. I don't even know if anyone will see this, I'm not sure it matters. I don't have motivation, I don't have any plans for the future, I could go on and on about my problems but I'd rather not go into every aspect of my life and my flaws and problems, how much I despise the situation I'm in and how helpless and miserable I feel. I contemplate suicide but I always brush it off, it doesn't fix anything, it doesn't solve my problems it pushes it onto other people. I feel endlessly bored with my life, unfulfilled, unhappy, not sad, just empty. I just realized I went off on another rant. Have a good night...