I'm a 15 year old guy with ADHD, high functioning autism (higher than many), crippling anxiety, but I've never been diagnosed with depression. I've always lied on those stupid papers they give you on your yearly check ups and medicine check ups on the sections about depression, suicidal thoughts, and actions. I've thought of suicide a lot during my life and I always make "jokes" about wanting to kill myself. When I go to my therapist, don't get me wrong it helps me with social anxiety, anger management, anxiety management, etc, but I never feel comfortable telling him about my depressive or suicidal thoughts. I don't even feel comfortable telling my parents. They know of one time I almost killed myself (December 2021) where I tied a noose and planned to hang myself. The only reason I survived is because I didn't think anything in my room was stable enough to support the weight of my body and also because I was talking to my cousin and she called me multiple times and eventually contacted my parents and made me go get them. I've cut myself before and thought about jumping out my window because the distance is from the top floor of my house all the way to the floor of the basement and at the bottom is a concrete landing pad for the door of the basement that opens to the outside. I am just scared to open up to a doctor or my therapist or my parents because I'm scared of what they'll do to me. Everyday the thought crosses my mind or at least the thought of "what if I do this dangerous thing that would likely kill me but would seem enough like an accident that it most likely wouldn't be ruled a suicide?" I feel safer talking to random people online about my depression than my parents or therapist.