I'm asking here, because, despite explaining my whole situation in detail I still get responses like "you're young you still have your whole life" "seek therapy and medication". First of all, I know I need therapy, maybe medication. Second, the rest of my life is going to be very very short if I don't figure myself and my behavior out better, I am so close to killing myself because I'm completely broken, and I have nobody. Those responses literally make m want to kill myself. Please for the love of shit don't reply with 1 sentence.

So I'm pretty sure I have both bipolar disorder AND borderline personality disorder, I haven't been able to go to any psychiatrist or doctor to ever confirm this. And when I did go to mental health doctors during childhood(because there's always been something very wrong with me fundementally) they didn't ever pin down anything like BPD, they diagnosed me with ADHD, which I don't have and that's a whoooole other story. I didn't even think I had these disorders until just a few months ago.

Anyway so, sorry I'm having trouble explaining because there's really so much I can't convey about my situation. But here's the deal. I'm tired of trying to live without acknoledging there's a huge problem for me. I've quit every job I've ever had, ruined every relationship, alienated every friend, my family kicked me out on my 18th birthday and they don't want anything to do with me. I've quit my job and am waiting to get evicted. I got a DUI because of my disgusting self medicating behavior (I've since quit, only drank 2 times since then and I don't really want to ever again) 
My DUI got reduced to a negligent driving, but because I quit my job and have completely shut down basically I'm hoping they give me a year of jail.
HOWEVER I want to figure some things out before I go to jail, so when I do go to jail I can try to maybe fix a little bit of the poison that is my personality.
I WANT to go to jail. I want to go to maybe inpatient first and a few months of homeless trying to learn some things before i go to jail.

I don't know anyone that has bpd to talk to. I really wanna know from someone older. My mom coincidentally has bpd and bipolar as well, runs in the family. But even if I got her to talk to me, idk how useful it would be because she had help from being married to a guy in the military and got insurance for free without working and got all sorts of therapy and help. I'vw never been ablw to get any because I've been homeless, or when I'm not homeless I'm working 70 hours a week. And when I had my last job making good money with insurance, I couldn't drive because i scum and got a DUI. 

I am a single white male, no friends or family, no money, no car, soon no home, facing eventual jail time, extremely mentally ill. I've been just caught in the cycle of doing well and being miserable and quitting and FUCK I don't even know how to explain it, nobody seems to ever understand and I'm fucking drowning.

I'm sick of the ridiculous pain. I've never been okay, please somebody, I feel inches away from a death alone.