So today I phoned my former employer about a form I need from them in order to apply for benefits. I haven't received ANY of the end of employment documents I should have received. I was left on hold for over an hour while I was passed back and forth between different departments. I was covered until 20th August by a doctor's note which I posted to my old manager. Apparently they only received a note covering me until 17th of July, and they won't send me out the form I need until they speak to my former manager and whether she did receive the sick note or not.

I have less than one hundred pounds left. I have savings but I feel so ashamed to use them to pay for things. My mum saved that money for me when I was a kid.

I need that form otherwise I won't get as much money backdated, which means no bills are getting paid. My husband works but I've always been very independent and had my own job until recently (had to quit due to another breakdown, which in turn led to me being diagnosed with BPD earlier this month). 

I feel worse than useless. The frustration and fear and anger is getting too much for me right now, I can't handle it. I have a few suicide plans and honestly I'm seriously considering just fucking ending it. 