I’m a first time poster in this group, so I don’t know if this is how people do things here, but I would love some advice or even some reassurance right now if anyone could spare a minute or two. I would appreciate it so much. I’ll try to keep it short - 

I have extremely low self esteem, very bad social anxiety which even leads to horrible disturbing paranoid thoughts, and yet I have this strong desire to be noticed and liked. I’ve met a guy and he took me to his friend’s party where I meant a bunch of his friends plus others he didn’t know. I was able to get through the start of the night with smiles and lots of head nods and fake laughs - I still so badly wanted to be there and at the same time my discomfort levels were through the roof -  social anxiety, the paranoid thoughts all kicks in and by the end of the everybody has noticed and thinks I’m crazy. 

I’m worried I’ve embarrassed the guy I was with and that he no longer wants to be seen out with me, or that his friends hate me, or both. 

I’ve spared details but I’m happy to elaborate in comments. I’m just so worried that this anxiety is out of control, it’s ruling my life and leaving it in ruins. I know I’m better than this but it’s getting more and more difficult to relax and be myself. 

I love some opinions on this, am I worried for nothing? What would you guys think? How do I deal with this kind of anxiety? 

Thanks In advance