I am having really bad anxiety today. I’m pretty sure the girl I have started to develop a crush for doesn’t feel the same and it’s just kind of thrown me off today. On top of getting ready to move, starting a new job, and the normal life shit, I just feel very overwhelmed today. 

I can feel my body starting to shut down. I thought I was listening to music earlier and when I zoned back in I was just staring at the wall with no sound. 

My dad just got home and tried to touch me and I asked him to stop. He’s very much aware I don’t like being touched any day but especially not today. I didn’t ask in a rude way and when he still proceeded to touch me, I explained my mental health is at a low today and he then yelled “you need to go see someone about that” and I reminded him that I do and have seen people about it which he knows because he’s made fun of me for being suicidal and mentally ill. 

I feel like these are all minor things but I quite literally feel like my body is going to explode from anger and sadness combined. I just want to be left alone and it’s like the closer I get to moving out, the meaner he becomes. 

I know this isn’t 100% BPD related but I do have BPD and just needed somewhere to rant so I hope this doesn’t break any rules.