 Two years ago I was doing great but the mood stabilizer I was on caused my sodium to drop to dangerous levels. I never got to feeling to much better after the took it away. I’ve been switched about five times since then. I’ve been on the same cocktail for at least six months. Not great but at least I’m not suicidal, right? Yeah, except now I am again. It started out with just more depression a few weeks ago and got really bad this last week. I’m soooo tired. I don’t know if I can do this all over again. Put a call in to my psychiatrist, they said she MIGHT call me tomorrow. Even worse I have a feeling mania is coming. My thoughts are racing and if I go manic I won’t survive the come down. I’ve also been getting hot flashes a lot in the last two three months. I’m 41 and pretty sure I’m peri-menopausal. My estrogen was lower when checked at 38. 
 I’m barely hanging on and my family is no help. Truth is they don’t know how bad I am as I’m invisible compared to their electronics. Going to self medicate tonight. It’ll either soothe me or push me over the edge. I’m past caring. Just wanted to share with like brained people. No, I don’t feel I’ll kill myself tonight just so freaking tired of my fucked up brain!