I just want to start off by saying that I am in no shape or form trying to self-diagnose myself at all here I just want to talk to people with BPD to really make sure that I should seek professional help. A few days ago I came across a youtube video about BPD, now I've always known that something was wrong with me but I couldn't quite make out what it was exactly. And when I tell you that I was terrified after watching that video cause I related to every single point it made, so I went on to read about it on google and I watched a few more videos. I just related to every single thing. I'm gonna point out what I related to exactly 

Feeling empty - There are days where I feel like nothing matters, school doesn't matter, money doesn't matter, nothing makes me happy, and I do so much to fill out that emptiness but it just gets worse and worse, there are days where I can feel like this for a few hours but it can go on for weeks. I just feel empty, there's always something that's off I don't know how to describe it.  

Emotional shifts - I can go from being so happy for a minute to having a complete mental breakdown the minute after. Or there can be one day that I'm really really anxious and stressed but the next day I'm like fuck it all I don't care anymore. there are also days where I feel so energetic and hopefully but the minute after that I feel completely hopeless and lost. There are also days where I can be SO angry and impulsive and frustrated but then feel guilty about it the second after. 

Fear of abandonment - I'm always afraid of people suddenly leaving me like I can be talking to someone, and out of nowhere, I start thinking that they're planning on leaving me, or like my internet friends I always feel like they hate talking to me and are planning on ghosting me sooner or later.

The way I feel about people I care about can change drastically - I can literally go from being so clingy and loving to my friend but the day or hour after start hating her so much and barely wanting to talk to her, its the same with my parents, siblings literally anyone whos close to me. I hate it so much but I can't control it at all Like I've been suffering from this since I was 11 (I'm 15 now). It's just shocking to me how I can go from being so loving to having this burning hatred towards them, and they can just be talking or doing nothing wrong.

 Unclear or shifting self-image - This. I can go from feeling kinda confident to feeling like the ugliest person alive, I will literally sit for hours and point out all of my flaws. This can change in a matter of minutes, days, hours, weeks, or months. It gets really tiring. I can also feel like I'm the best person alive like no one can compare to me and that I'm more superior than anybody else, and the minute after I can start feeling like the most stupid, ugly, and biggest failure of a person ever. 

Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors - This also applies to me very well. I spend so much money on stupid shit like clothes, that's because I change my style every month literally, I can't have one style I literally change my mind immediately cause I get so bored of it so I end up spending so much money that could've been saved up or well spent. I change career paths, goals, and values 24/7 as I can go from being really passionate about something and then suddenly getting bored of it and hating it, and so on, I can decide anything in my life. I always change my mind, personality, way of thinking, it's never stable at all. 

Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality - I can literally be studying in my room or in class and suddenly out of nowhere I start feeling like nothing really like I lose all contact from reality and this usually lasts for a few minutes, as I feel out of control and weird I don't know how to describe it at all, just everything feels literally unreal. And this causes me to cry and feel all panicked suddenly I don't know.  

Explosive anger - Even my parents and friends tell me this, I can literally be so angry that I say and do shit I regret after I've calmed down, I have even broken my phone, my belongings and I always yell or slam things. Then literally when I've calmed down I always feel guilty. But I can literally be like this just by someone saying something triggering or doing something annoying, or just doing nothing sometimes.

I don't self-harm or anything but I do bite my lips until they bleed mostly when I'm really sad and angry or give myself marks by hitting or scratching myself, but I don't cut myself or anything, and I've also never been in a romantic relationship (just a few ones on the internet) but I always end up blocking them or ending things because I get so bored, and also boredom is a big issue for me, I'm always bored of everything, nothing makes me excited, and it something does it usually just lasts for a few hours or days. So as I've already said I'm not trying to self-diagnose cause these things could be nothing but I've been dealing with this for far too long, I've had enough. I just need some advice and insight on things. I apologize if this came off as rude and likely triggering in any way. But this is my first time actually seeking some form of help as I’ve always been brushing this off.