So I don't know to quite put this but I feel insane like all time. I currently have this dissociation thing where I can dissappear or disassociate into this other side of me.  I am 100% aware of this side of me. I know what I am doing. But it's like I switch to this person. Minor differences in me and that side.  But nothing to alarming. But when I'm in that head space my mind is clear and I'm not myself.  I'm not really emotional or doing the things I do when I'm feeling like myself. I would say my other side is more bigger into risk then I am. But point being is that I can do days or months on that side.  I just get to a point where I stop bring me. Sometimes it's awhile.  I mean I can sometimes switch my sides on and off. But it's really dependents on if I'm in that headspace or not. 

Another thing is when i am myself I can't cry. No matter what I try I can not cry. Or I get these impulsive/intrusive thoughts. I can be talking on the phone and I'll het a thought/impulse to like hit my chest.  And this can range from 2 hits to like 10 hits. I just get that impulse and I have to follow through with it.  Like I'm always thinking of minor ways to hurt myself (Not permanently) but like putting things into my mouth or biting things.  I get really upset when I can't and start to whine abs panic and I can't think straight because that's all I cam think about is doing that one though i thought of. Like I have to go through with it. Or I feel like in a period of time my emotions can range from happy to sad to angry to pissed off to abandonment to depression in a matter of 10 minutes. I freak out sometimes a lot. I get get determined once I get my thoughts. I try to ignore them and focus on something else.  But I swear everyday it's something new. Example last 3 days . (Day 1, hitting and choking, sadness. Day 2, hitting. Day 3 dissociation and the need to bite and putt things into my mouthv). So far today has been okay. I sometimes has to shake my head to get out if my thoughts. 

It's like I'm either all crazy or all normal and not emotional.  I don't know to explain it or why I do the things I do. Please no hate. And I'm good . Not suicidal.  Just to let you know.