**mentions of abuse and self harm, no detailed descriptions**

Look up DSM criteria for PTSD at 4am, despite already basically having them memorized. Feel invalidated. Cry. Spend several hours telling yourself that you don't have PTSD, your symptoms aren't real, and you're faking everything and don't deserve sympathy. Cry some more. Imagine the people you care about telling you agreeing with you that you're faking everything for attention. Imagine them telling you that what you experienced wasn't abuse and plenty of other kids had it much worse. Imagine them telling you it was your own fault. Imagine them telling you that they don't care about you and you're not worthy of attention or compassion. Imagine them telling you that you should self harm because you deserve it. Imagine these things over and over again until they feel convincing enough to hurt like a knife twisting in your insides. Continue crying. 

Receive a text from Person You're Attached To. Tell them you had a rough night and didn't sleep. Receive attention and concern. Feel slightly guilty and undeserving. Say something positive and reassure them that everything's okay. Follow it up with something slightly more self-pitying because you want at least a little bit of sympathy. Reassure them that you'll feel better once you start your day. 

Get playfully flirted with by Person You're Attached To. Instantly have your mood improve, smile and wipe the tears off your face. Grin like an idiot as you're getting ready and showering. Playfully flirt back, sending a slightly Risky Text as you walk out the door. Receive a positive and flirtatious response.  Feel on top of the world. Spend the next few hours smiling to yourself every time you think about it. 

Get back home. Nap. Have a nightmare. Feel like shit. Consider self harming, but decide it's not worth the effort.