Anguish in light constantly. blinded. Stupid light. Light light light light light light light.. Rest in peace, I wish it was me i wish it was me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me when you say a word enough it's incomprehensible at some point but i can't stop repeating motions and words over and over and over and over and over and my dad hurt me he hurt me he hurt me he hurt me he hurt me he hurt me he hurt me he hurt me he hurt myfamily and he hurt me he hurt me he hurt me he hurt me he hurt me and i am alone constantly in utter isolation as it has always been for the child raised in the stupid catholic homeschooling idiotic moronic occult manners that shaped my tomboy self into an insecure little girl with no self esteem and suicidal thoughts that no one noticed or cared about and no one cared about anyone because they would sacrifice our lives if god told them to do so. or at least that's what the people they idolized promoted. constant fear of eternal punishment and paranoia that i never spoke up on because i didnt know what mental illness even was. i didnt know what autism was until i was 13. and i have it. i didnt get any fucking therapy till i cut myself and i need to cut i need to cut i need to do it again i cant let this keep happening it hurts and my legs wont stop shaking and im convulsing and suffering and i need it to stop please help me out of this miserable pit i just want to hold someone's hand who HASN'T hurt me and just feel understood for at least a second please fucking help me i am in so much misery i'm not even in therapy anymore they gave up and my meds have been unchanged for half a year and they know im getting worse but they do notthing and the institution made it worse and im so paranoid and i cant do anything and i know im hopeless i just want to feel comfort for once in my fucking life please someone just fucking hold my hand and slowly put a lethal needle in my arm so i slowly fade while feeling comforted by the tragic salvation of the end of my miserable journey. please