I have the perfect partner on paper. He's great, caring, attractive, and makes me want to be a better person. We've been together for about 10 months now, my longest relationship yet. (shout out to BPD)

Right around now in a relationship, I always end up causing fights and breaking up with people. Every time we get into a fight my first reaction is "just run away, abort, break up with him." 

I have been sexually assaulted by multiple men in my life and treated like absolute trash by others so I know it's a defense mechanism, but he's really not those other guys. He's genuinely a good man. I've just been questioning our relationship lately. 

How do I know if it's PTSD/BPD symptoms or just we aren't meant to be together sort of thing? 

My therapist is booked up for the next few weeks so I haven't been able to talk to them lately. I'm trying to find a new one- it's just really difficult so any support/advice would be really appreciated.