Whenever I make friends I seem to always let them make the first moves. Texting. Talking. Hanging out. I guess a part of me thinks they hate me and only deal with because they feel bad. I feel like a burden. Which is why I never make the first move, I guess?

But I was in class with my one of my friends and overheard them talking to their other friend. Talking about how they should go to Six Flags together. My friend said yes, obviously. But I guess something snapped in me? A realization?

Everyday I come home from school, change, and then sit on my couch. My depression has sent me into survival mode for months. I only leave my house to go to school or to work. On weekends, it's the same thing (other than my mother dragging me with her). As much as I love my friends, they rarely text / talk to me outside of school (which does somewhat trigger my depressive episodes). 

But I guess I just realized my life is so sad? I'm too scared to do anything alone. Go anywhere alone. Or even ask to do so. Yet, I want to do all these things! I just waste time waiting. Waiting for someone to ask me. And when they decline, I just won't ever do it.  I just don't know what to do. Now that I'm going to college in the fall, I realized I haven't done anything.

 Idk, sorry for the vent. Thanks for getting this far.