Trying my best not to but how can I not be afraid of the unknown, this year wasnt the best and so it's hard to believe that the next will be any better. I expressed this to my partner but he told me it will be okay and that this year will be better but even with his reassurance the thought or feeling wasnt put to ease. 

This morning I spoke to my partners mum, she had asked what my partner and I were doing for new years and I answered with "we are wanting to go to the church (high point to watch fireworks) or have a picnic down at the park believing that the new year was still a few days to come. NOPE, two hours ago I only found out that it was new years eve... completely unaware that tomorrow is 2020... god

(to recap what am I doing for new years; sitting in pjs playing csgo)

Happy new years I guess x