So I've recently broken up with my boyfriend - for the 3rd time (are you really suprised though). And in record time he wants to try for a 4th; but because I can't be alone I've already kinda started seeing someone, casually.  And of course there's tinder and the bad decisions that follow. 
So in one magnificent fuck up I've hurt two people and still don't know what I want. 
Along with the drugs,  man why are they so good? 
Sorry I'm not even sure what the point of this post is,  I'm fucked up and so mad at myself.
Why am I like this? 
I blame BPD and get mad when people say we're monsters, but fuck looking in the mirror I think they're right. 
Because when asked why, I honestly don't know, and I take a road trip down to excuse city. 
You know what the worst thing about all of this is?  I'm on meds, and in therapy - I was doing really well, but I dunno, I just stopped caring and being able to do life. Why is it so hard all the time?  I'm tired of fighting.