I am 4 months post pardum and breastfeeding. I hate to go back on Prozac especially because I hate the thought of my baby getting a little Prozac while breastfeeding.

 I also wonder if prozac changes the brain permanently because I used to take it for a few years and it really did help me. I wasn't anxious anymore and my panic attacks went away completely when I started Prozac but I also at times felt numb and couldn't cry. I went off it during my pregnancy. I didn't have panic attacks anymore.. So I wondered if it helped train my brain to deal with anxiety better...

However my depression is very severe now. I don't know if it's situational. I was really sick and exhausted. My father passed away a few years ago and I've been through a lot.

I don't enjoy anything anymore and don't see a point to anything. I've decided I think I'm just supposed to be on medication for the rest of my life?? I feel numb still at times and don't feel comfortable expressing emotions. I dont want to ruin my relationship with my partner and I want to be a good mom. I hate how I feel blocked emotionally. I feel like I am ruined.. I barely express myself and feel detached a lot. (I'd say even on Prozac though I felt happier I guess) I wish there were a way to fix my depression on my own or fix myself somehow but I feel like I'm in a consuming dark cloud... I was diagnosed with Bipolar when I was 13 and I've been on several different medications ever since.. I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm sure no one has the answer to this. I guess I'm just rambling.  I wanted to keep trying to get better on my own but I am concerned that I am really not okay and will keep pushing people away. And then more time will pass where I am miserable so maybe I just need medicine? I hate that I need it...and I guess I'm going to start tomorrow. 😭