Sooo I have been working EXTRA HARD on myself to be a good employee. Have been showing up on time and doing a really good work. 

I have warned my manager about my “mental health struggles” (I told her anxiety and depression).
She KNOWS I am seeing a psychiatrist and I had a sick leave for a week for this reason. She has been understanding so far 

On the good days I do everything I can to be an enthusiastic and driven member of the team. On the bad days I try to keep to myself. 

Today I show up with puffy eyes after crying all night because my boyfriend is going on a two weeks trip (as one does) but I still do my job like a normal person. 
My boss comes up to me after a meeting  to ask if I am ok (so far so good ) and then she says that I look really DISCOURAGED and like I DONT CARE ABOUT MY JOB and she needs me to look enthusiastic to encourage  the junior members of the team and make them fit in. 
Like, wth. You know I am struggling. I am making a crazy effort to do what I have to. How can you say I lack motivation. 

Maybe she was trying to encourage me in her own way but it’s really fucked up and toxic and I have been splitting on her for the last hour. 

Sometimes I do not even know why I bother because all I do is try and be good and show up to work and do the therapy and It takes so much effort and pain and I still cannot reach neurotypical level. 

I just want to give the fuck up.