(sorry, English is not my first language)

I really don't want this to sound arrogant, so please bear with me. I'm pretty smart, I scored over 145 in our country's official IQ test etc., but I feel like it takes a toll on my mental health. 

I spent majority of my life just trying to silence my thoughts and instead of cultivating my potential I'm actively destroying it. I'm depressed and anxious and have severe self destructive impulses.

I just don't know what to do, I want to use what I've been given, but I might be too mentally weak and unstable to handle it.