i went on prozac starting when i was 13 and was on 20 mg for a while. following a hospitalization when i was like 15y/o they raised it to 40 instead of ever bothering with counseling or whatever, then i went back down to 30 a few months later.
im 17 now and over the last four-ish months ive been weaning off of it 10 mg at a time (talked to a doctor first dw) and now im totally off of any medication.

i was a dull emotionless zombie for years i think it was sick of them to ever put a kid on that much medication all the time instead of trying to help otherwise. i think it stunted my brain in some way bc i was on so much for so long during such an important age for cognitive development. i hated the way it made me feel and was willing to put up with whatever anxiety came with being non-medicated if it meant i wouldnt be so numb all the time.

now i cant tell if it was this bad before or im just experiencing withdrawal on week 2 of being totally off of it. i constantly have low anxiety, pit in my stomach type feeling for no reason. any thought passing through my head that would normally be even slightly upsetting now comes with a pang of fear like the kind you feel when you have several missed calls from your mother or a car narrowly runs past you at a red light. im incredibly insecure about every little thing and feel like everyone i care about hates me and if they dont i make up reasons they should. when i went to a doctor about this 5 years ago it was because i was having frequent panic attacks but i wasnt having constant anxiety like this.

i dont remember being this scared all the time. i dont remember hating myself this much. i dont remember being triggered so easily. i was only like 12-13 and dealing with the woes of being in junior high so maybe i just didnt notice but i feel so bad all the time right now.

i dont want to go back onto prozac but i also dont want to spend the rest of the summer experimenting with other meds to see what works. i dont know what to do theres no specific trigger or problem i can cut out or fix theres no (healthy) coping method that fixes the constant fear i just feel like shit all the time and dont know what to do i dont want to feel like this

if anyone here has medical or even anecdotal expertise thats welcome but more than anything i just wanted to vent somewhere. so thank u. thats all.