I apologised to him for something I did and asked him if we can still stay in contact with each other. He was honest and told me he doesn't want to keep in touch. I accepted it, we wished each other a good life, he told me some really sweet things about how I'll do good things in the future and that I didn't do anything wrong, I thanked him for being my friend, his last message was "I'll see you eventually. Later." and it all made me tear up.

I know I should be happy we got to end on a good note (which doesn't happen with many of my relationships!), but I think my fear of abandonment has been triggered. I'm questioning if he lied to me. I'm wondering if the person who hates me and he is still friends with is manipulating him. I want to cut myself because I want to let all those feelings that I barely feel out. Abilify is not making this any easier lol. I'm so glad it numbs my most extreme emotions and makes me somewhat stable, but my god, I would love to properly feel things again, even if it might not be healthy for me.

I really hope he has a good life and that I'll meet him again someday. I really do. But right now, I can't feel happy even though I should. I hate it. I hate this disorder.