I'm 20 F, and I live with my extremely toxic parents, hoping to move out soon. I have a cat and I still haven't decided whether I'm gonna live or impulsively kill myself. I've been wanting to get a dog since a year and I tried fostering a dog last year but that did not sit well with my cat (the dog would actively growl and bark at her, wasn't used to cats) . It was also very stressful for me because he wasn't used to eating dog food either so I had to make his food fresh everyday. He was aggressive and as someone with zero experience with dogs I had no idea how to handle him. By the time I got a dog trainer I was so exhausted that I'd started self harming and hence decided to let the him go which in itself was an extremely heartbreaking task. Everything suggests I shouldnt get a puppy rn. Maybe it's just an impulsive thing and I won't be able to cope with it. The idea makes me sick to my stomach.

I've been in intensive therapy since and was generally doing alot better but recently had an epic fight with my parents hence things aren't looking so good rn. I don't even know why I'm posting this. I'm hoping somebody here will understand what I'm talking about and perhaps have had a positive experience that I can look up to, which might be selfish of me. I don't want to get a puppy because I expect it to fix me and then not be able to take care of it but at the same time I'm sick of being a loveless shell of person. I'd appreciate any insight or advice you may have.