When I first tried college several years ago, my PTSD started to kick in and I started becoming very unhinged. 

Self harming to punish myself for being late to class,  panic attacks at the mere thought of anyone being disappointed in me... after awhile, my parents found out and I ended up dropping out.

Over the years, I have felt better. I have been diagnosed with BPD and other mental health issues, I have surrounded myself with people who genuinely care about me, and I have been taking my medications regularly so i decided to return to school.

For the past year and a half, I’ve been doing great in class and I have been passing everything with an A... until this semester. There has just been so much going on that I haven’t been able to put my full effort into anything. 

I had an essay due last night and I gave up writing it around 10pm last night. I feel like a failure and I know as soon as I see the “0” or “F” on my grade, I’m going to freak the fuck out. 

I’m torn between dropping the class and having a W on my record or keeping it and seeing if I can make up the grade. Either way, I’ll feel like an absolute failure.