I’ve got a lot on my plate and I’m struggling hard to stay healthy and cope in positive/sustainable ways. The last few weeks I’ve barely been able to get up earlier than 1pm. I can manage about an hour of work before I get overwhelmed. My son has been with his mom this week so I can try to focus on pulling myself outta this. I’m having panic attacks hourly, and I’m numbing myself by smoking entirely too much weed and binge eating til I puke. 

I can feel that I’m on the precipice of snapping out of it, but it’s just beyond my reach. And my internal dialogue is just laughing at me and my failure.

Right now the scared little kid version of me is stuck behind the wheel and is panicking. The confident problem solver me is in the backseat chewing on a toothpick and chuckling at my struggle.

I don’t need anything, other than to just push through this. But this sucks. Love you all.