Ive been struggling with suicidal thoughts for 7 or 8 years, im not sure how long exactly. Ive tried to just keep putting one foot in front of the other but I dont have anything left to give. 

I failed out of my dream school, not because i didnt work hard, I just wasnt as smart as I thought i was. Now just a few weeks ago I was laid of from my car sales job because I had a mental breakdown a few weekends ago and called in sick for 2 days. There isnt anyone else who really needs me. 

Im not the best looking person, I have difficulty interacting with people. My friends are okay but they never call me, im always the one calling them. I tried to have fun in college, joined a frat, when to football games, all that stuff, but i never felt any better about myself. 

My dream girl is my best friend, but she is actively looking for some stupid frat boyfriend and I cant listen to all of her dating struggles anymore without getting really mad or disappointed. Ive tried going to therapy, psychiatrist, my parents even took me to a couple Neurologist when I was in high school. Nothing worked. Ive tried different prescriptions and medications, but nothing has ever really helped. 

Im struggling with how to do it. Ive had a knife to my throat and been at the edge of a couple buildings, but I cant bring myself to do anything. I really am a super weak person and cant even do this one simple thing. I dont know what to do.