Yesterday I felt so sad I thought "I just could kill myself rn" and took scissors and cut my wrist hard. It was so impulsive I got very scared after I thought maybe I needed to call an ambulance because I don't really want to die. I could see my veins in the cut if that makes sense and everything seems okay, I'm not going to die. But when I took off my bandage and saw it tonight to go to the shower I got scared again because you can clearly still see the veins  and I was close asf to cut it. I almost wanted to throw up bc of how weird and scary it was. I'm seeing my psychologist next week so I'm good I just needed to talk about it to someone. Am I going to be hospitalized tho? I can't even explain it why I did that. And the cut really isn't that bad too.

I don't want to kill myself by the way. I'm good and I feel better. I just feel like I can't control anything anymore.