I just wanted to say hi. Ugh im so awkward. So basically I’m just looking for anybody else in the world who can understand what I’m going through. I got diagnosed 8ish years ago. Ive been medicated pretty much since diagnosis and have been leading a pretty normal, if not a tad eccentric, life. Met a guy, got married, have a job. You know, normal shit. 

Well now as part of the normal things you do, my husband and I want kids. Totally great! Except I’ve had to start coming off my meds. And im TERRIFIED. It’s been 3 weeks off my SSRIs, and one antipsychotic, and lower does of my main antipsychotic. Oh and 2 months off birth control. My mood has been unstable, im paranoid at work, on the road, around people, and yesterday I had my first relapse into delusions. But thats not really what has me scared. Like, im not dumb, i was obviously expecting this. But im starting to realize a critical detail i overlooked going into this. My husband, my friends, my coworkers, have 0 idea who i am without my meds. And im starting to realize that i dont even know who i really know who i am. I was 19 when i started taking them. And i find myself wanting to EXPLODE. And self sabotage. And do terrible things. And getting really upset and heartbroken when i tell myself no.

God im rambling. Im sorry. Idk. Has anybody here ever gone off their meds to get preggers? 

For clarification, i am working with my doc towards this. And i am not currently preggers.