I feel so numb today. I’ve been taking pills like candy for the past two weeks and I think it’s finally catching up to me because I didn’t take any yesterday and got the weirdest sleep of my life last night. But I’m back on them today and more, of course.

I have a meeting for class soon. It should’ve started 20 minutes ago. It’s a group project and they’re testing my patience. I don’t want to have to talk to anyone. I thought I was the least unprepared but it turns out I’m not. I’m on it for once.

My partner keeps texting me. I don’t know how to tell them I don’t care anymore. About them. About life. About us. I don’t think it’s one of my splitting phases. I think I don’t love them anymore and going through all these emotions over them doesn’t seem worth it anymore. I think I’m realizing we don’t have a future, but they think we do and I just don’t know. I think I’m realizing I don’t have a future with anyone. I don’t know anything for sure except that I’m suffering and it never truly stops.

I feel officially done. Just done and tired of feeling and hiding and censoring my emotions. But at the same time what’s the point of feeling them? What’s the point of voicing them or freaking out and breaking everything? I’m wrong. I’m always wrong. Everything about me is wrong. I think some people just aren’t made for this world and I’m pretty sure at this point that I’m one of them.

How unlucky for me. How unlucky for everyone that has to be anywhere near me.