I was just having a heart to heart with my mom and said a bunch of stuff I immediately regretted about how I lowkey dedicated myself to making her happy after my dad left her and how we have a lot in common so maybe if she did find out she has had BPD all this time that maybe I could finally help her, etc. Anyway, it hit me right after our conversation, how could I have ever treated her the way I did when everything I said was true. I just wanted to have a happy family, her especially, but I guess somewhere along the way I started to see her as the problem. But also I remember that I never stopped wanting her to be happy. I would look at her when she was tired, feeling sick, or just not having a good day and it would break my heart. I would also consider how her ex just about tore our family apart and how my little cousin was always so anguished and how all of the problems essentially started from decisions she made. I just don't understand how this rift could ever exist. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy, but I was probably the one causing her the most pain.