I am now 20 when I first learned about bpd I was 16 in my psychology class I instantly related to it. After bringing it to my mothers attention with facts on why I think I may have it and her brushing it off and saying “it’s ok baby you’re just sensitive, you’ve always been this way.” I got a little frustrated but eventually stopped thinking about it. I knew something was different though because every time I reacted to something or described how I feel no one else around me would relate and one of the main traits that people say describes me is emotional/moody. I spent these past years researching different things my friends say they think I’m depressed but I don’t feel that way consecutively for that long eventually I feel ecstatic like I’m on top of the world. My family thinks I have anxiety but in my opinion I don’t think I’ve had a panic attack I do worry a lot but my worry is always triggered by someone or something it could be the slightest thing and then that worry turns into extreme anger or sadness that I can physically feel not panic. I started to think I had adhd because of how much I daydream and I know this is dangerous but driving to work sometimes I wouldn’t know how I made it 10 minutes while driving what felt like auto pilot and I feel so empty sometimes like I can’t breathe because I don’t know what I want to do with my life I don’t know who I am. I get so mad at my mom for making my behavior a norm making me feel like It was okay to act that way then I go out into the world and now I have this false reality about how emotions work in a healthy way. People ask me what’s wrong and I’m trying to explain but then they say I’m over exaggerating. And I feel so helpless like I’m a lost cause and on top of that my dad who was my best friend when I was little turned into this distant relative who only cared to see me when he felt guilty then blamed me a 14 year old kid for lack of communication and effort. A little less than 2years ago I finally told Him how I felt (without disrespecting him) He gave me a deadline and he told me that if I didn’t apologize I’d get repercussions. When I didn’t apologize he told me not to contact him or his family ever again. 

If you got this far thank you :) 

Geez I’ve turned this into a vent well I guess the point is what is my first step in figuring out if i actually have bpd or just a crazy person with a very complicated history ?