All night I kept telling her I was leaving around 10/11 to go spend the night at my boyfriends house (21M). She would get really upset, and my cousin even made a joke she was jealous and she just got really quiet. 

As we were driving home she told me she wanted to be with me when the clock hit 12 so she wasn’t alone and sad. Of course I said yes and we went to the top of this hill at a beach and watched fireworks go off from Canada. At 12 she went in to kiss me and I was like whatever New Years kiss with a chick, fuck it. I’m bisexual so like it was kinda cool. 

She then proceeds to make out with me, unbuckle herself from her seat and sit in my lap. Trying to convince me to stay the night with her instead, we sat in my car for a hour making out before I realized I had the fuck to go. 

This might not be the sub for all of this but my BPD is RAGING. Part of me wants to drop my piece of shit boyfriend, but I’ve been with him for a year now and every-time we’ve broken up (like 10), we always get back together. I don’t want to leave him then hurt her by coming back. But holy fuvk, she sat in my lap and told me how much better she’d treat me and how I’m so pretty, and how she’s had a crush on me for so long. I’m beyond confused as fuck nowwww. I’m so playing tug of war with myself trying to chose, and I don’t want this damn choice in the first place. Shit was actually looking up stress wise for me and now BAM. 

Bestfriend wants to suck my strap on and boy am I conflicted over it.