I always do things for others. When I put on clothes, I think of how others will percibe me on them. When I consume a piece of media, I do it so the fact that I watched it becomes a part of my personality that others will like.

When I am alone I feel empty, I don't know who I am and I don't know what to do. If I'm bored I think of doing something, but why would I do it if no one will see me doing it?

But I AM ALSO A PERSON. I am someone who exists independently of the perception of others. I can do things for myself, for the sole purpose of enjoying the experience of doing it.

I was so disconnected from myself that I didn't recognize myself as someone who was worth doing things for. I didn't see myself as a person but as a customizable character that other people had to like.

Now I have to start living for myself. It will be hard since I have spent years like this, but I have to do it. How? I'm not sure, but I will try to be grounded, focused on my own feelings when I do things, instead of doing them just so I can get the result.