I don’t know what it is but it always feels like something is blocking me from having a good life. I went to school to be an electrician just to have my car break down on me at the interview. I’ve been diagnosed with osteoarthritis at the age of 22 and my knees are already pretty much screwed. I tried learning IT related skills and joined a cloud boot camp. Things could have went right. But when it came time to take the aws ccp exam i got a fever a few days before and spilled juice all over my laptop in my sleep and even with logging in with my sisters laptop to take it at 1pm , it turned out the exam was actually at  1am(who takes an exam at 1 am?!?!) I come from a not so wealthy background, never had much. Now I feel like I just wasn’t meant to have much. I question how god could let this happen sometimes and that if he existed he has to hate me. The only thing consistent in my life is pain and suffering. It’s a joke at this point. Nothing is easy for me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do , everything I try at I fail. I can’t do anything right. I’m seriously contemplating if this life is even worth it if I’m doomed to live it as a screw up for the rest of my life.  I tried the construction route the fast food route the warehouse route the IT route , nothing seems to work, if I could just check out of life right now by powering off I would. I’m pretty tired of losing. I’m pretty tired of feeling lost with no true guidance. I’m tired.