I did it. I finally booked an appointment with a person who can prescribe me medication. I'm an attorney and my anxiety is getting so bad, like worse than it has ever been. I still do my hearings and get through my shit but when I get home I often sit in the shower for like 30 minutes and panic. I panic every night on my way home. I panic so much that there is an ongoing joke in my office that I stay skinny from shaking my leg all day. I scare my clients because, while I know the law and their case, my perpetual pessimism is not what they want to hear. I'll say things like "Yeah you can absolutely go to jail but that PROBABLY wont happen." My bedside manner is terrible. 

Anyway I'm desperate and booked an appointment to get some meds. Im thinking a basic anti depressant is in order like Zoloft or welbuteren. In the past I have taken these and really didnt feel anything except for the standard sexual side effects. I don't think those will bother me cause I am divorced (because my anxiety broke up my marriage) and have been rejecting pretty much every advance by women because of ... you guessed it anxiety. 

I want control, ive been told that these pills can bring me to baseline and help me cope with life a little more. But I'm ....you guessed it, Anxious about the whole thing. 

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? I will note that I am also in therapy but my poor therapist has no idea what to do with me. My big realization with her is that I got through high school, undergrad, law school, the bar exam, and now am surviving practice all overcoming the one adverse abusive person in my life, myself. Im tired of hating myself and being my own worst enemy. Does anyone have any positive stories about anti depressants for a non-positive guy? I vision a day where that "voice" in my head isnt constantly telling me every scenario that could go wrong all at the same time.