Around the beginning of 2019, I became heavily reliant on THC oil to get me through most days. It was cheap, readily available, and made the sads go away for a little bit. It started as just getting high on the weekends, when family wasn't home. Then it progressed to getting high with family home, after all the oil is odorless, I wouldn't get caught. Then I was smoking once a day. Then twice, then three or four times. It got to the point where by the middle of the year I was high for almost every waking hour. It started taking more and more to get the fun buzz, but it was also starting to really bring out my anxieties and paranoia. I found myself in a relationship close to the end of the year, one that I truly enjoyed, all that intense and unstable love felt good for a change. But I couldn't stop smoking, until one night while high I assumed that the person I was with actually hated me, and that it was all in my head. I started misinterpreting every single thing they'd said to me over a week, and spiraled into a full on panic. I sent some pretty off the wall, speculative texts, assuming they hated me. Re-reading the conversation sober makes me feel like an idiot, I had become such a paranoid wreck I couldn't see that I was actually ruining the relationship. 

Since then I put down THC, and have noticed that my anxiety and paranoia aren't nearly as exaggerated, they're still there, but at least now I'm able to think through it a little bit. It felt like that drug was pushing me to the worst possible conclusions, with no ifs or buts about it. The chronic sadness and emptiness are a bit heavier, but I almost feel its somewhat worth it to avoid another breakdown and potentially push more people away.

Does anyone else have experience with this? I've seen people say weed can be used to treat anxiety, but that honestly feels untrue looking back.