I’ve been unmedicated for two days due to poor planning on my part. 

I was driving home, listening to music, hand out the window, half dissociating. I realized I was going 10 under the speed limit when a car flew up behind me. I sped up, and almost didn’t stop. Just going faster and faster thinking about slamming into a tree. 

Problems would solve themselves. No friend or family would have to find my body. My dog is being watched for the evening so she is cared for. My brother could have my house. I wouldn’t have to worry about my salary or cleaning or waking up on time every morning. All these thoughts running through my head as I pressed on the accelerator. 


I know this is because I’m unmedicated. I did get my meds today. I should be okay soon. It is crazy how fast I decline. But I really really really scared myself today. I thought about calling the suixide hotline when I got home, but I got inside and comfy and took my sleeping pills. (Wanted to down the whole bottle but didn’t) 

Anyways I have no one to talk to so I’m just venting. Stay safe. I love you all. You are important.