my passion for connection, romance, and sex has completely shriveled up over the past 2 years. my ability to maintain interest in a romantic/sexual partner shrank from months to hours and now i can’t even feign attraction to anyone anymore. it just seems like there’s no point. no one is interesting enough for me. and it’s strange. to have this veil finally drop. i can no longer enjoy my romantic and sexual delusions. i can no longer enjoy the chase or the attention. i don’t want anything from anybody, no matter how hard i try to be open to possibilities. just even being open to new connections that could possibly become romantic. and it’s not like i’m antisocial or anything , either. i have no problem striking up convos and making new friends whenever i am in public, but it is always platonic. i keep waiting for desire to creep back into my life, to show up organically but it has given no sign of returning. and i am so tired of not feeling anything. of not having any desire. of having no sensation in my body. sorry if it’s tmi but i can’t even get myself off anymore. and the weird thing is that i feel like i’m doing what i should be to improve my relationship to my body, to get in touch with my true desires.  i am not punishing my body as much, i am treating myself to things, and hell, im even taking myself on dates! i am trying so hard to reconnect with my body, to form a partnership. but it feels like dead meat. there is no spark. and before anyone says oh it’s just depression or whatever i want to say that i feel in my gut that it’s not that. it’s distinctly different to me. 

sorry for the rant but i actually am looking for if anyone has any advice about what i could be doing to jolt myself out of this and help me feel something real, dammit!