Hey r/BPD!

I'm out to seek some advice on how it's best to deal with a partner who has BPD.

Specifically - BPD, depression, anxiety, mania and mild schizophrenia.

While I've been a sufferer of depression and anxiety myself, I know everyone's experiences are different. So what cooping mechanisms I know work for me may not work for my partner. 

I've been with her for almost a year now, and we've had our moments on both sides of the spectrum. There's been times she's been really happy, positive and active for some days and then there's times like where I've literally been punched and had my face cut trying to calm her (alcohol was a contributer in this case).

For her, she's a perfectionist and if something does not go to plan she gets quite upset. Abandonment and trust issues. Severe insecurities. Temper tantrums that are hard for her to control. Jumps from one mood to another between conversations. Etc... etc... the main BPD symptoms. 

She's fully aware of these but obviously mental illness isn't something you can just stop, like a flick of the light switch.  But I know she tries her best where she can. 

For various reasons shes been out of work, and as such,been unable to afford to see a psychologist. She's also too proud to accept my offer of paying it for her (partially due to a guilt complex from an ex). 

So while she can't readily afford to see somebody about her BPD and medications, she does and can afford to buy pot.

And boy. It is literally night and day for her, she might be in midst of a complete break down but a hit later and she's much more relaxed. It's literally the only thing that works to keep herself in check. But she has voiced that she doesn't want to keep using pot in the future, as she wants to reduce the reliance on it.

When she can't readily smoke it does draw some issues if she's having a negative experience with something/someone.

More or less I try to be supportive as much as I can. I'm a calm, level headed guy and try to avoid bringing strong negative emotion into things and prefer to use logic instead.

So normally it's her raising her voice about the issue at me while I'm calmly trying to talk with her about the issue. Many cases I'm being hit back on my attempts to explain the logic behind the situation, sometimes followed by her making hurtful remarks to me.

There's days where I do struggle to deal with it myself, it can be really hard to try and alleviate the situation at the time, really feel like I'm walking on ice with anything I say/do.

I'll be upfront, we love each other very much she's quite amazing and I know she tries her best. But I do feel like I need days to relax without her around, and I really don't like that feeling.

So what can anyone suggest that works for them? I feel my methodology in trying to calm her isn't ideal.