So I was abused verbally. I don’t really want to talk about what happened but I am no longer in contact with my abuser and it only happened once. That was a few months ago. Now, I am almost always thinking about him. I’m scared to go in public because I don’t want to see him, even though I don’t even know where he lives or if he’s still alive. I have tons of random triggers like Marliyn Manson, the word ugly, people with tons of piercings, and goths/emos. But I sometimes choose to think about him so I can sit with my trauma. I also don’t like burst into tears when my triggers are mentioned. I also always feel dirty, but is that just a sexual abuse thing? Am I just faking PTSD? I was never diagnosed and I don’t go to therapy so idk.