I believe that most mental health professionals mean well, but are mediocre at best. Since the age of 12, I have dealt with an attraction towards young boys. I had other serious issues and sought mental help, but my attraction to boys has been the one thing that destroyed my life. I am a sex offender, having been busted for child porn. I shouldn't have been a sex offender. I have my Master's degree, was making $30 an hour, living on the beach and doing quite well. Except that I had this attraction. I managed this attraction very well, but as I got older, it became harder to not break the law. First it started with looking at nudist magazines, then child porn on the web, the downloading it, then meeting other guys like me. I was caught because I got sloppy and probably wanted to get caught so I had a good excuse to off myself. Being attracted to young boys is very lonely. What I have heard from people, in general, even before I broke the law, was that I should kill myself, go to prison,pray to Jesus or "get help." Imagine telling that to a schizophrenic or a bipolar who genuinely wants treatment because he's worried he will do something crazy. 

What did "getting help" mean? I've been to countless psychologists and MFT's (who are the most worthless and useless mental health workers BTW) and if they could not help me with smaller issues than how could they help me with my sexuality? I could not disclose the full extent of my lawlessness without risk of being reported to the  cops. Not that I was molesting boys, but was collecting child porn. Child porn helped me. It gave me an outlet and I knew that if I did not have something, I could see myself becoming a sexual predator down the line. People say child porn is bad, and I agree. But it's no different than using illegal drugs. Yes, kids are exploited but how many men, women and children are maimed, murdered, raped and kidnapped so some guy can get his hit of cocaine. No one blames drug users for supporting and enabling criminal behavior.

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Long story short, the feds were able to track my IP and raided me. I destroyed my laptop, which had I not, I would be in prison for the rest of my life. The fucked up thing is that they claimed that I emailed cp of little girls (which I did not) and I had to take a plea deal that required me to register as an offender. That sent me over the edge. That is when I truly started to become a predator. I have done more bad things as a sex offender than before. I was required to attend counseling for sex offenders and nothing they said helped me. There I was, a young, successful, educated guy in a roomful of burnt out druggie sex offenders who were all in there for trying to fuck 12yo girls. 

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I have been lectured about why I did not seek help as I became more unhinged. Where was the help? You can get help with a drug problem, but not with my problem. Then they want you to accept responsibility because you made a choice. I did not have a choice. I was born this way and I was damned if I do and damned if I don't. 

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Because mental health professionals failed me, I got stuck with this rap. It did not make me a better person. Society has already deemed me nonredeemable. I will likely offend again and would do so if I know I won't get caught. I really want(ed) help, but there was no one who could help me. I actually went to a psychologist who treated sex offenders (before I became one) and got scared off because he was taking notes every time I would talk about people, places or times. Then I reached out to another one (after I became one) who said he would not take a sex offender as a patient and then said that I needed help and should keep on looking. Typical mental health professional! I bet he patted himself on the back for that one.

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I am sure most people on here are going to tell me to kill myself or hope I go back to prison. I will likely kill myself in a few years after I fully realize what I lost. But know this, I became a much worse person after becoming a sex offender. I became more bold, smarter and predatory. It's dangerous to take everything from a person who has lost everything. 

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I wish things turned out differently, but I have had far too many negative life changing experiences and not enough positive life changing experiences to balance it all out. I really tried to become a functional, contributing, member of society. I sought help and it was not there. My mental illness has been de facto criminalized and I became a ticking time bomb. 