Last year I was coming terms with my illness and was experiencing the symptoms of things very strongly without much help. With covid and being a young man living at home with a vulnerable family, I had to prioritise my families safety instead of seeing my girlfriend as much. Things spiraled out of control in fights and tension and both of our health suffered. I really loved her she was the perfect girl for me. We broke up mutually after our last fight but both parties really didnt want to just knew it would be good for us at the time. And my symptoms were really staining as were her own issues. I recently met up again thinking I was going to be okay and had moved on. I havent and it really stings, I'm actually suffering from more urges to harm myself than ever as I blame myself and feel like it's all my fault and I'm going to keep fucking up good things in my life. I think I'd like her back and I know I need to decide what to do but shes dating someone now, nothing serious but approaching it. I feel all so lost as I've been so depressed as of late feeling like a failure in comparison to my friends and her and I dont know if I'll be able to do this much longer. I feel so guilty for hurting myself this way and wanting to do it physically. I've been crying for the first time in months and I want it to stop but I know it's all my fault that I'm not doing as well as her and everyone else around me. This sort of a rant and a cry for help I could just use some positive words right now.