I've been non-stop crying and wailing all day long. My fp said they don't want to talk that much anymore. They were the only person I could go to when I'm not doing well. I know it's all for the best - that he needs to work on himself too - but all I feel is abandonment (even though he assured me that's not the case) but it is. Wanting to cut down on how much we talk, what we talk about, prioritizing other relationships over ours - sure feels like abandonment. 


I keep trying to be rational - but I think this is finally pushing me to finally go through with it. Planning and preparing are all that I've been doing. I just want to die, and now I have absolutely no one I can go to. I thought about opening up to some of my other friends - but I just can't. 

I can't do this. I just want the pain and loneliness to end. I don't know what to do. I can't go to the hospital. I don't know what to do.