I've been fighting against this bs for TWO FUCKING YEARS. I've survived a suicide attempt and from there I knew that I had to turn my life around, and I've been trying. But EVERY FUCKING DAY of my life I take a look at the abiss through my window and I just want to jump and end it all. 
I want to do things to clear my mind but the pain just won't go away and I can't enjoy the things I used to enjoy. 
I've had reddit for a year and a half now, but never posted anything. Now I'm writing this because I need to speak to somebody about this.