I was diagnosed with mild to moderate depression almost 2 years back and since then I feel like I have got an excuse to ruin my life. My self-sabotaging goes way back in the childhood but it was never this severe. I don't have people who takes mental health seriously around me and even if they try to understand and give me advices, I get all worked up and angry. I have lost the peace of my mind, my goals, financial independence and even health and whenever I think of working to get these things back in my life, the journey just look unmountable and tiring. Had a 2 week long spell of really low feeling, where I just laid in my bed, doing nothing and wasting time. The only things I achieved today are: taking a shower in 4 days and replying to my mails and inboxes. I don't even know why I wrote up all this stuffs. Guess I just needed to share how void I am feeling. In these 2 years, I have never felt any ummixed good or happy emotions. Whenever something good happens, I feel instantly down with dark thoughts of fear, jealousy, shame back of my mind.