Hey all, 

Okay so this is a hard post to write, but I am really struggling. My relationship with my fiancee is breaking, in large part due to chaos that was worsened by a months long manic episode. But now as I'm not manic and starting to stabilize (yay IOP and lithium!) Im having a hard time changing compulsive behavior that is coming out because of a fear of abandonment and need to have a sense of control. My compulsive behavior looks like not respecting my partner's request for space, or boundary to stop a certain conversation. My partner said that it looks like narcissist hoovering and shes right but of course that's so hard to sit with. THe other behavior I've been struggling with is like regression - like I just sometimes act like a college kid because I see my partner as way more capable as me and so why should I even try?

&amp;#x200B;

I know that this was chaotically written but I was wondering if other folks dealt with this. Specifically the compulsivity/narcissist tendencies and how you dealt with changing the patterns?