I just feel like an absolute pile of shit right now. I have for months. I’ve had GAD my whole life, and OCD for years, so you’d expect me to have my shit together by now but I don’t. I’m 22 and I’ve only managed to work one job for one year in my whole life. I don’t have a car, I can’t even drive, I have no income, I’m not currently attending school. I can hardly even manage to attend family events because my anxiety is so debilitating. I feel so trapped and I don’t know what to do. My family probably looks at my life and sees a lazy slob who just won’t get a job, but if I didn’t have anxiety I’d be happily working right now. I’ve obsessively googled jobs for people with anxiety, and general low stress jobs, but everything is either out of reach, requires years of schooling, or are definitely *not* doable. 

If I didn’t have family supporting me I’d just be dead right now. I genuinely don’t know what to do. I’ve considered applying for disability to at least help me out while I am seeking treatment but it usually takes like two or three years to get approved. I live in shame every single day that I’m not working, but the thought of returning to work paralyzes me. Crying myself to sleep, obsessively thinking and worrying about work during my time off, feeling nauseous and my stomach twisting up while on the job was just not worth it. I’ve never been more suicidal in my entire life and I don’t know what to do.