I just wanna write this off of my chest. There’s so much to my life that would lead up to such major decision. If you wanna look at my last posts you can see some of the problems I’ve been dealing with. But it was really the experience I experienced yesterday which really made me feel horrible. I’m just trying to make a friend and ask for advice and I got so many downgrading responses and also a response to have me commit suicide on dating_advice which is another subreddit that has many rules. He was encouraging me to do it for nothing. Literally nothing. And people just upvote their responses. It’s insane. It seems like the whole world is against me no matter what I try to do or what tone I told. I tried to be as humble as possible but I still get downvoted for no reason. This may seem like a silly thing, but it’s really more than that. It’s that people really think of the real me. I have so many damn problems in my life and more ones keep coming off. 

If you read my post on dating_advice I want to mention that the reason I’m trying to befriend this human is to for once in my damn life feel loved by someone other than my family. Have someone I can talk to like a friend. Things we say to our families and psychologically are way different than things we say to our close friends. And that’s all I’m after. I’m also not dumb because I understand if they don’t want to befriend a random kid online. They probably have a lot of real friends already so I am just another worthless entity not worth their time and I don’t blame them. I get to have no actual relief in my life. Once the individual I’m talking to right now answers it’s like my whole world lights up but the responses are short and it doesn’t seem like she actually want to talk to me because she is online often and doesn’t open my messages and I have to give her privacy and respect her space no matter what. And once she responds I will respond aswell. But you can just tell how I desperate I am. Damn I hate myself and the position I’m in.