Why do I even try to have friends? They always end up hating me in the end.. I must be the problem because everyone leaves eventually. It’s exhausting ya know? To become besties with someone only for everything to go wrong and they either say I’m annoying, rude, bossy, or they just straight up tell me they’ve never liked me. Everyone has their person. Whether a best friend, a lover, a sibling or other family member. But I seem to have no one. My family hates me but I hate them too so I guess it doesn’t matter. The friends I do have always have besties somewhere else. I can feel it when I’m the cause of tension but I can’t help it everyone is just so god damn infuriating. I’ve never had a relationship last more than a couple months and I’m 9/10 the one to break it off. I thought I found the person for me but she doesn’t really love me.. says she’s “scared of commitment” or something, all this makes me sound like a pick me and anyone who reads it has every right to assume I’m terrible cuz the truth is I am terrible. I tell people what to do and I blow up easily, I can’t hide my emotions, and I’ve been known to hit, and bite, and scream,.. and hurt.. my nickname my parents gave me when I was younger was literally “angry” and it seems like I can’t even rely on myself. I don’t find comfort in being alone and I don’t have any real hobbies. I can’t commit to a lot of things and I don’t put much effort in. I’ve considered suicide but what good would that do? All that would happen is a mess for people to clean up and why would I make them do that if I already make them miserable.. and I’m too much of a coward to sh I’ve tried but I can’t cut or burn myself. I can’t starve myself either anytime j try I always end up consuming everything in the house anyway.. I’m a failure and I add no value to anything I do. As I write this I’m currently on a bus laughing and giggling with friends on the way to marching band. But I’m not happy but I’m not sad really. I’m a pitiful sight and I probably don’t deserve anyone to listen to what I have to say. I don’t know what else to put. Feel free to write or thoughts.. or don’t idc.