I feel like I am in the circle of laziness and regret and I want a second me in my life. Every half year(correlated to school) I lose motivation to do anything in my life until I hit a point where I really fucked up. Then I try to get my shit together and for a time it gets better but deep down I know I fucked up and probably in half a year I am at the same point.

I want a second me to push me to remind me to move. I don't know if it has something to do with a dependence for a parental role in my life, but I just can't move. I know I am lazy and I can only manage to do daily little tasks, but in times where I have to act for bigger projects I run away. I know deadlines are coming and I can't move. I am sloppy, lazy and a piece of shit for people to work with and tbh I don't see an end. I don't have the confidence that I will be better in the future. 

I fucking hate this and I just want to drop everything and run away. Away from the responsibility and to a new life.