relationship (or lack thereof) pain, to be specific

when a relationship fizzles out, when i'm ghosted, when someone leaves me, when someone walks away, when someone disappears like it's absolutely nothing. when someone moves on. when someone doesn't chase me, when someone doesn't hold on, when someone won't fight.

all i want in this world is to be crushed half to death by the love of a boy who can love as fiercely as i do - i want to be terrified of and terrorised by the extent of his love, the depth of his love, the overwhelming intensity of his love.

all i want is love like i love. 

but no.

bpd means you're stuck with all this endless love, with all this immortal, everlasting, eternal love and care and energy and time and attention, while the other 99.99999% of humans who don't have bpd are just trundling along happy as larry in their basic, simple, no-crazy-required relationships.

they don't need to be near you 24/7, they don't feel like they want to kill themselves because the sudden loneliness when he stops spooning you is unbearable, they don't need to hear each others voices all the time, or be constantly told 'i love you'. 

can you tell how bitter and sad i am? 

why did you disappear? these 4 words could be said to, literally, all of the boys i've loved. but you, why did you go? do you realise i've spent my whole weekend self harming, wanting to die, because i'm hurting so much? honestly, fuck you. i hope you don't come back. i hope the next girl you like will break your heart and then you'll at least feel a fraction of what i'm going through right now.