I’ve read some of the signs/symptoms as well as some of the posts here and am hoping that someone here is able to help me figure out if there’s a chance I do.

I’m 16 (F),and I’ve always been highly competitive with anyone around me. Most of the time I feel like I’m better than most people, reasons behind it can be any factor (looks,smarts,family income,athleticism). I frequently get random bursts of energy or a sudden spontaneous mood, and at times can also get random bursts of anger, thoughts about killing/harming the people around me start to pool in my head, sometimes it triggers when I’m in physical pain. At times my emotions seem to switch off, like I’m numb to everything, unable to feel most emotions, like I’m just a walking zombie. During these moments are when I feel suicidal, but I’ve never self-harmed or do anything that would harm me when I feel this way. It’s like I want to die, but at the same time I want to stay alive. I’ve never opened up to my family or my friends. My friends know nothing about my mental state, because I don’t like to talk about my feelings to them. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable, it makes me feel like they’re constantly judging me, or mocking me for feeling this way. When they talk about their own problems, I get really angry because their problems seem to be so trivial compared to what I’m facing internally, and sometimes because I don’t show it, because I’ve created this other fake personality for people that I’m always happy and bright and quirky, they think I don’t have any problems and that I’m just so fucking happy all the fucking time. But at the same time, I invalidate my feelings by telling myself that other people out there in the world have worse problems than me, that I shouldn’t feel this way. Most times it feels good to manipulate people, or to lie to them and get away with it. Is it normal? I’m not sure. I feel so alone in my struggle against myself, like no one understands, like there’ll be no one that I can connect with, like I’ll truly die alone and unhappy. This is the basic summary of how I feel. Not everyday though, some days are normal and I feel happy. I’ve reached out to my school counselor about my issues, but she has told me that it could just be a normal teenager thing, which hasn’t helped so now I’m here. Is this a sign of BPD, or NPD, or some other thing, or is it just a teenager thing?