I turned 19 in april, and like basically every birthday for me, it was non eventful. I had no friends to spend it with. I thought my only friend had died, i hadn't heard from him for week.s Turns out he was just ignoring me for some reason. I'm so lonely. I have a job but when I get home everything is so empty. I'm just stuck in my room, i spend my time jerking off and thats literally it. I got myself admitted to the ER thinking that would help, before ive just waited for a doctors appointment buit when i tried to stab myself at work i knew i needed help. But still waiting for it. I try dating apps and no one seems to want me. I'm worried sick this is just my life. I can't break the cycle. been on an icnreased dose of sertraline for 2 weeks now and still want to kill myself. not really, but i dont want this "life", if you can call it that. I just want to be like everyone else.