The only therapy I've had before was in the military, and that was basically just "take these pills, you're fine." I've been on and off about getting help after I got out, but then Covid hit and I figured I'd wait for it to clear up before seeing a therapist. As an American though, I really doubt it's going to clear up anytime soon.

Because of that, I figured I'd look into online therapy sessions. Primarily I would just like a diagnosis because getting that would at least give me something to point to so I can at least say "see, it's not just me, there actually is something wrong!" I looked and BetterHelp said they were able to give a diagnosis, but now that I've messaged a therapist they told me that they can't. Looking through previous posts here about the service, it seems like it's really not useful for people with BPD.

I know that a diagnosis isn't the most important thing in the world and you can get help without it, but I also feel like this online therapy stuff absolutely will not work because I have so much free time to think and rethink my messages and can just leave the most watered down replies that probably don't help anything. Even if I call the therapist, the lack of diagnosis just makes me feel like I'll start gaslighting myself just to fit in with how they think things should go.

Am I better off just pulling out, cutting my losses, and saving my money? Can I just look up DBT and do it myself? I want to try at least one call but the thought of fighting with a therapist over the fact that I'm not just "depressed" makes me want to just cancel now and save myself the time for a service I'm not even going to continue to use.

Also, those of you who don't have insurance (like me) and can't really get a diagnosis, how do you deal with the constant feeling that you're just making it all up despite fitting the diagnosis super well?