I was drugged and sexually abused several times as a child, and while I repressed most of it, the immediate PTSD and other effects from it grew over time. I developed a thyroid issue I never got treated even til today and now I can't afford to take care of it. As I've grown older, the flashbacks get more vivid and it makes me literally ill to the point of vomiting and sheer panic. I've never had a relationship with anyone because of a mixture of my fear of getting close to people, or because of how I look and because I'm extremely shy.

I knew I had trauma to tackle over a decade ago when I had insurance, but I wasted the opportunity and now that I'm older and can't afford it, it has gradually destroyed my life. My panic attack induced vomiting has ruined my teeth, which I can't afford to fix and I'm afraid to open my mouth in front of people anymore. I am fearful of most peoples' intentions, so it is hard for me to want to socialize anymore, which I used to manage to do that. I am full of regret knowing that I missed out on the best years of my life because I thought my problems would go away over time, instead of getting worse like they have.

Please, if you are young and know you have problems to fix and you are able to, pursue it. Maybe it can save you from avoiding the path I've been down. I feel like the end is coming for me sooner or later because I've run out of options, which is my own fault.