I always thought my father was the major source of my disorder development but as it turns out he was just the straw the broke the camels back. The rest of the hay pile came from my mother. Sure she gave me a roof over my head and food to eat. She may have pushed me to study hard and helps me pay for university. But I grew up feeling so invalidated by her that I order to cope with the stress I picked a source that was outside of the home I lived in. My dad has done some bad stuff but overall I feel so supported and loved by him. But I don’t feel loved by my mom. Her love seems to be conditional, and only gives it when I do and say as she wants. I can’t come home from a bad day at work to someone who is willing to listen to me vent. Days ago I tried and she told me that I wouldn’t last in a real job if I can’t learn how to let stuff go. The truth is, I can let stuff go, but it just takes me a little extra time to sooth the anger. 

My mom never makes the effort to learn about my disorder. She doesn’t ask questions or read the articles of data I tell her about. Instead she tells me I will be fine if I pray to god- a god that I do not believe in. 

I don’t feel loved by my mother, and I think that is why I am borderline.