To start, I’ll give some background info. We started dating back in January and things went really well off the bat. I tend to focus on positives, I’ve had to do that to deal with trauma in my life in the past, and so until last month I’ve thought things were going great. She has explained to me early on that she is dealing with BPD and not taking medication for it because she didn’t like the side effects. Until more recently I have been able to take the lows and be there for her even when she pushes me away, however she now verbally tells me to leave her apartment at the very start of an argument which I feel the need to respect because there’s no room for me to interpret a need/want for me to be there. I want to be there. The last two times it happened I would leave and wait in my car and we would argue through text until she’s ready to talk in person.
The first time I was in my car for 2 hours, the second I waited in my car for 6 hours. It happened a third time last night, I was seeing her for the first time in a few days (was on a trip) and I touched something on her counter that I didn’t realize I shouldn’t have, she ordered me to put it down in a very short and demeaning way, I hen made a surprised face and said “okay” with a bad attitude. She then told me to leave, but I waited quietly for her to finish up in the bathroom because I just wanted to spend time. She finished up, we sat down quietly, I didn’t want to talk about it because I knew what I did was wrong but I also didn’t want to excuse what she did in the moment because it would be important for me to talk with her about it at a time where she might not be so short in communication. She then asked me why I was rude, and so I told her that I was exhausted from my flight, hadn’t eaten yet, and didn’t like the way she yelled at me which all led to a rude response that I was sorry for. Then she told me to get out.

The reason I drove home this time instead of waiting was because I didn’t want to reinforce the idea that every time we argue, she can kick me out and wait for me to beg to be back with her in person, then control the argument from her point of view. I feel that it is important to also be heard in an argument because in the past I’ve let my voice slide and then I find myself irritated later when something happens again. When I got home, I called her, told her I loved her, apologized, but also stated that I wasn’t happy with the way I was treated and that we could talk about it later.

She has now blocked my number and blocked me on social media... I’m not sure how I could’ve handled that better or what I can do now to let her know that I still care about her and want to be with her, but also express that I feel she fails to consider me/my feelings more and more every day.

I know not everyone with BPD has the same experiences/symptoms/interactions but I’m really just looking for ways to understand a little bit of what her perspective is like. Any help at all would be appreciated.