Hey, I wanted to reach out to this subreddit and ask for your help in some suggestions. 

I (M/early 30s) have a friend (F/early 30s)  whom I've know for a few years. She used to be my best friend, however due to a misunderstanding, some pretty hurtful things that I said, and me being in a bad place mentally at the time which sabotaged attempts to repair the relationship. 

I'm in the devaluation phase (hopefully not in the discard pile, but that might be a possibility). There is another post that I made in where I want to apologize for what I did, own up to my mistakes, tell her the actions I've taken (meds, therapy, etc..) so it won't happen again, and for forgiveness. 

My question to you, is if someone that you trusted broke your trust and you feel betrayed and scared, what would you need to take steps forward to heal the relationship? How would you initially act towards this person that betrayed you? What would you be looking for (ie: validation that your feelings are true and that you have a right to then? Demonstrated actions where they've shown their remorse and understanding of how what they did hurt you? You potentially testing them to see if they are true to their word? Etc...)

While during the devaluation phase, she did some pretty hurtful things to me (she knew my insecurities and she directly attacked them relentlessly back during the blowup which hurt a lot), I didn't realize at the time that she had borderline traits. I recognize that what I did because of her sensitive nature, she really thought I was going after the core of her as a person (she also had her trust recently broken by 2 other people) 

Because she did play a really important role in my life, and helped me out a lot and now that I understand her better, I really want to fix things with this friendship, or at the very least, let her know that she was right to think what she did, that what I said was false (because I was in a bad place at the time) and she is very much loved (platonically) and that I don't want to give up on her, and I hope that she sees her self as this wonderful person as how I see her. 

Thanks

Tl;dr - friend (f/30s) has borderline traits and has placed me in devaluation phase because of mean things I've said that I don't mean in the heat of the moment. Had protracted and long devaluation phase. What can I do to let her know I didn't mean it and to let her know that she is an amazing person?