My anxiety and depression have been getting so bad and I desperately am attempting to make sure I don’t become suicidal again. My therapist thinks the election, pandemic, me being out of work and school with no stable schedule is heavily impacting my stabilization (which I completely agree). I have been struggling with the fact I lost my mother’s necklace recently. She passed away a few years ago and I have complex grief with her passing. The necklace means the world- it’s a beautiful gold piece with three hearts as pendants, one for each child (my brother, my late sister, and me). She wore it in every single picture I have- and I remember her always having it. I am so scared it accidentally got tossed or someone stole it. This time of year is hard because her birthday is coming up. I know I need to let go because what’s done is done and I can only do so much to find it- but I channel my emotions through materials and depend on my things as a security blanket (hoarding tendencies, working through these with professional). I feel like I’m not heard or understood about this. I cannot get over it, the anxiety voices have been screaming in my head and no matter what I do to distract, the overpower me. I’m tearing the house apart and I feel like I lost a piece of my mom. As a side note, my brother called me at 4 am completely drunk and he knew I lost it. I felt weird because he never has done this (20 years age difference so we aren’t super close) and he told me he loved me and hate how much I’m hurting but he said if I couldn’t find it that he would buy me a new one. That means the world and I’m so grateful, but I hate how obsessive my mind is being. Sorry about this long post- I don’t have a strong support system and I feel stuck and lost.