I’ve been stuck in this horrendous depression cycle for nearly four months, it’s left me in a really shit position with work - I’ve been off sick for nearly three months. I feel like I’m constantly fucking my life up. I have the urge to stab myself or take an overdose pretty much constantly and I’m worried that I’m not going to be able to fight the urge much longer. I feel that it’s important to note that I’ve already tried to kill myself twice. 

My wife (27f) says that I’m (20f) doing better which is nice I guess but I don’t feel like I am. I’m genuinely worried that I’m going to end up completely losing it soon. I think it’d be so easy to just let go. I also feel guilty for not being at work but at the same time, I know that I can’t physically do it at the moment. Focusing on staying alive and coping is more important. I’m waiting for my therapy but the waiting list just goes on and on. I know I’m going to be like this forever and it just sucks.  I don’t see anyone other than my wife, I have no friends and I just want someone to understand me.