I find I have this strange attraction towards people I hate. A lot of times I’ll find them to be really annoying at first, like I just wish they’d disappear. Yet, at the same time, I find myself being attracted to them. 

The first time I can clearly recall this happening I was around 12 or 13. I didn’t have any initial attraction towards this guy at first. Then he like pushed me out of a seat or something and we just ended up sitting together on this small bench but I found myself strangly liking that he pushed me. I would ask him to play this game with me where we’d hit each other on the back of the hand until one of us tapped out from the pain. I’d always ask him to stop being so soft and hit me harder and I he did. I didn’t like him as a person, but I wanted him so bad. 

There was this other guy who would literally talk such disrespectful shit about me from across the room so I could hear him. I literally hated him but at the same time I was so attracted to him. 

Now that I’m in college, if I feel this vibe, I will steer clear from it despite the fact we may have an unspoken, intense attraction towards each other. 