I am sick to my stomach over perceived abandonment from more than one friend. So many things going on my mind now. I feel so stuck. My body PHYSICALLY ACHES on the those of being abandoned or hated. I am so lost. I want to be okay but anxiety is smashing my soul. I am worried about many things, of which I caused 99%. I am sick of myself repeating the same cycle and doing the same mistakes. I am dissociating from reality and myself. I don't know who I am cuz I am only able to identify myself through others. No contact = no self. I am different with different people. I hate it. I decided to minimize my contact and others in order not hurt anyone or myself any further.