Hi, I'm a long time lurker but this is my first post here.
 
I suffer from school related anxiety, it started some years ago, I was probably in middle school. Whenever september got close (school starts in september here), I would start feeling really sad and I would have to hold my tears back everytime someone mentioned school to me. I just hated the fact that I knew I wouldn't have any more free time for about 9 months, which I would spend studying and doing homework all day, neglecting myself, others and any form of social life. Whenever I had oral or written tests, I would feel completely overwhelmed by the amount of things to study, and proper anxiety attacks would kick in about one day before the test, I would wake up in the mornings feeling my heart beating extremely fast in my chest, unable to control it and calm down. Up until a year ago it was really bad, when the test finally came I would have trouble talking to the teacher for the first few minutes, my voice would be really shaky (which was really embarassing because people would always point it out), I used to feel my throat tightening up and I was unable to think properly. Things seemed to get better completely out of the blue, suddendly I became a bit less anxious, the shakiness of my voice went away, on the outside I became a completely confident person when doing tests. What surprised me the most was that for the final exam in highschool, which is a massive and difficult event where I live, something that students dread from the first years of school and which personally terrified me, I was really calm, I was afraid that I would stumble upon my words while doing the exam but that didn't happen at all, I talked smoothly all throughout it as if I was talking to a friend. 

Now, while the external effects of my anxiety seem to have gotten less strong, my mindset has not changed at all. After my exam, I spent a happy and care free summer, knowing I wouldn't have to go back to school in september. However, I've enrolled in university and I just started studying today, and the same feeling I would feel at school came back. I started taking notes, felt completely overwhelmed by the amount of things I have to study, my mood has completely changed, and now I feel miserable once again.

I feel so stupid having this problem, also because I'm a straight A student, I graduated from highschool with top marks, but that probably makes everything worse. I guess I set the bar too high for myself and now I don't want to let myself or others down, so I just work too hard and neglect everything else. Another problem is that no one takes me seriously, everyone knows the problem I have, but they always shrug it off saying that I'm a good student so I shouldn't have to worry about those things. 

I guess my anxiety is really caused by a mix of things: the work I have to do, testing myself, letting others down and dedicating the rest of my youth to studying. The last point is probably the one that drives me insane, I have plenty of hobbies, for once I've found something which actually makes me genuinely happy, which is playing bass, but I just know that I won't be able to do that anymore because of university. 

The thing is, people have given me advice, but nothing works. They always say to take some free time to devote to things I like, but if I do I wouldn't have a good time as my mind would always go back to school work and to what I have to do. I try to keep my mind off of it when I'm not studying, but then I suddendly remember about my exams and get small panic attacks (my heartbeat speeds up and I have trouble calming down, my mind starts racing, is this considered a panic attack?). I really hate the amount of time school takes up in my life, but I really cannot do anything about it, and that sucks. If I do less, i get anxious as I'll feel I'm not studying enough, but then again I don't want to just study, I want to follow my dreams, passions, practice my hobbies and see where they lead me in life.

If you made it this far, thank you, it really means a lot. I guess I just needed to vent. Do you feel the same? Do you have any remedies or ways to feel even slightly better? I'm desperately looking for help! 

TL,DR: I suffer from school-related anxiety, I just started university and feel completely overwhelmed and depressed  knowing that this will be my life for the next 5 years.

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