i’ll include a summary at the end if you don’t wanna read through all of this. i just need advice. so i’ve always dealt with depression and anxiety, for as long as i can remember. severe at times. i’ve never gotten the help i need for it. recently i was admitted in the hospital for physical reasons, not related to my mental at all. and i was given reglan without being told, which is known for causing severe mental distress especially in people with past history. the meds are out of my body. but it’s like it pushed me over the edge. i keep dissociating, i keep having horrible vivid suicidal thoughts and i’m starting to become scared that i can’t keep myself safe anymore. i actually had to remove myself from my kitchen earlier because of the opioids they gave me were in there and i was tempted to take a lot. should i go to the hospital? i’m not scared to be admitted to a mental hospital, i actually feel it would be helpful because im becoming scared of myself. i’ve always had some suicidal thoughts and ideations but they always made me uncomfortable, now they don’t, they are desirable. i really need help. please. 


TLDR
Always been mentally unstable but was given medication at the hospital that made me have a breakdown and now my mental health is the worst it’s ever been. do i go to the hospital and admit myself? i’m scared of myself now and it’s freaking me out.