I first got diagnosed with BPD in January 2021. My life was hell, I had depression, anxiety and self harm as well as Suicidal tendencies. Before January I had visited another therapist who didn't help me recover and made my condition worse. I visited a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with moderate depression and gave me SSRI.

Last week of each month was horrifying considering how PMS fueled my BPD, I kept cutting myself and trying to commit suicide. I found a great therapist in January who specializes in BPD and he used multiple therapies on me such as DBT, CBT, Schema therapy, etc.. I relapsed into self harm three weeks after being clean, I relapsed many times. In February I got admitted to the hospital (To control my self harm tendencies) for 4 days. BPD patients are adviced to live in real world situations rather than be in the hospital, so I tried my best to stay away from getting admitted. I became One month clean which was a huge accomplishment to me but soon relapsed and felt horrible. 

March End, I got serious Suicidal thoughts and sadly my psychiatrist and therapist were both on leave. I refrained from medications that help me sleep too. I kept mumbling that if I die, my family can adopt someone else. I started laughing when they cried.

I fought every 2-3 weeks with my therapist, left his office, etc..due to my impulsiveness. But I never dropped therapy. Fast forward to April 7th 2021, my therapist openly communicated and told me that's he's putting so much efforts on me and do so much and I didn't listen to him a lot and that was the first time I was on the receiving end of his anger which made me feel good. Ever since our first appointment I always told him to be open about what I do wrong/right because I feel it's really important and he told that and I acknowledged it instead of fighting back and told I'll do my best for a month and show you. 

Today it's officially a month since then, I got a review from my therapist where he told I'm doing great and that I've 74% recovered in such a small span and appreciated me a lot even though I was one of his toughest patients ever but I never gave up. 

My family relationships are well and they support me and are truly happy I reached so far. I lost a lot of friends and my boyfriend throughout this journey as I was in depression since last May or so. But I still had 4 of my girlfriends who never left me, they didn't understand BPD either, but they slowly understood my mental health and supported me. Another was my guy best friend who I met in college, he never believed this was the true me and always stuck by my side whatever happened. I've never impulsively done anything to harm him and our friendship is great which I am happy about. I found a guy who became my boyfriend during this recovery who accepts me and my mental health and is in the same wavelength as me and who loves me for who I am. 

I constantly do mindfulness and do my routine, I've picked up new hobbies and even my old ones. I am still on three medications- nexito, lopez and etizola and I can confidently say I got my proper dose of medications and perfect match because we did trial and error and I realized nexito works on me better than other medications of higher dose. I realized most of my BPD stems from my distorted thinking and I work everyday to improve myself and accept myself even if there are bad days/low days. I tell myself it's okay and just take a break.

I am so happy and love everyone who've supported me so far. I went from 30% to 74% recovery in just a month and I hope this can be a stepping stone to people in this forum because I know how BPD feels and I cannot say I don't feel that way at all anymore, but I know we all can do it because even I once was a really tough patient and I'm not anymore.

Also I'm really proud I achieved this on a BPD awareness month and also mental health awareness month. It makes me super happy and I'm officially one month clean from self harm urges and Suicidal thoughts too. 🖤

Sending love to all. 🖤