Hi, I hope my post is allowed, I’ll delete if not.

I’ve been battling depression for almost 15 years, and I found one of the strangest symptoms of it is that I, a non believer, yearns to pray during my depressive bouts. It’s almost a signal that I’m getting worse : I can’t help wishing for a saint to hear me. Not in a psychotic way (I don’t hear voice or stuff like that) but I just want so much to be helped and held by a higher power.

I’d say I’m a spiritual but firmly atheist person when I’m well, which is why it’s so puzzling. 

Anyone else ? I guess I just want someone to talk to that about without feeling even crazier (for whatever reason I can’t talk about it with my therapist)