Just a quick background, had a drinking problem. Reached out to old friend, fall in love, start dating, leave my husband, quit drinking thanks to new love, realize this is a lot, this was too fast. I was told by new love if I end it that's it, well I just ended it. I really don't want to start drinking again and they were making me want to more then really helping. It was something I did because they said they'd leave me if I didn't quit, altho I did want to but just didn't have the drive I guess. And the whole thing looking at it with sober eyes even with the bpd just seems incredibly unhealthy beyond the fact I have been sober for 3 months, this has been going on since spring. So I ended it. I'm upset but I'm not it's so confusing. I really do love that man but the ultimatums among other things... I need to focus on myself and really learn to love myself. I really don't think I should be starting a relationship while quitting an addiction either. And I have a lot of work with my bpd to do as those were most of his complaints, and I couldn't drag him along for the journey especially when he's complaining the whole time and it just started not to mention the rocky ass road I started it off with... I shouldn't date, or even patch things up with husband until I fix myself. I hate that him, I wish i could have made it work i caused so much trouble for it but it doesnt feel right anymore, I hate that I started this and caused such a mess for my own selfish reasons and then end it for selfish reasons too.. they both deserve so much better why did I do that to people I love?