i haven't had a real conversation with them in months since i'm attending online school due to covid, and i decided it was too much trouble to try and keep in touch with them (i couldn't handle myself well back then and it's been too long to salvage it).

earlier today, my only real remaining friend was playing among us with them (she doesn't talk to them much either but she's closer to them than me). she told me that one of them said "i don't care that op isn't talking to us anymore, she didn't treat us well".

i seriously have no idea what to do about this. it's not like i'm the nicest person ever, i've done some mean things to them, but it was never anything very serious. think things like calling them stupid as a joke, i'm not just pointlessly mean on purpose.

i don't know if this is a trait of bpd (i think it is?) but i already feel like i'm an awful person. i also already felt like my friends didn't like me, so now i think it was true all along.

granted, i don't know the full story of what happened,  i wasn't told anything else, and i checked our group chat but no one was talking about it. plus, everyone already liked the guy who said it more than me, i knew that even before i stopped talking to them.

i was already going through a hard time, but now i'm starting to think that everyone else i know is pretending to like me as well.

usually i could pull myself out of this, but this is seriously hitting me hard. i've known my friends for almost ten years.

any help is appreciated, although i get nervous replying sometimes so i might not respond.