Last Friday, I went to a bar with a close friend, her girlfriend, and her coworker, meeting the latter two for the first time. I was pretty sociable, dishing out sass and taking it without it breaking my composure. Had a bit of a bad moment where I wanted to run away but I forced myself to stay and had fun. I chatted about my dating approach, which is to not get attached to a certain outcome and let things happen. That I ask people out when I want to because rejection isn't so bad.

I chatted with my friend's coworker afterwards and admitted that I thought that she was cute and wanted to go out to dinner with her sometime to get to know her better when she's sober. She told me that she was intimidated by me due to how sure of myself I am.

But I had been legitimately scared of asking her to dinner. It was one of the first times in awhile when I felt that afraid. And I got carried away waiting for her to get back to me on dinner plans. Today, she told me that she didn't think she was ready to date and now I feel really sad. Most of the time I let it go easily unless we were actually dating for awhile but this time it's different.

It's not like I was all talk. I do feel capable of conquering the world sometimes. But right now, after talking with her and feeling this rejection, I feel sad. I feel like a fraud. I feel like I flippantly date because I'm afraid of letting myself actually feel things for somebody. Because, well, I just did get a little invested and it has ended up hurting me.