i thought getting on lexapro would cure me from my anxiety, but unfortunately it hasn’t. even with hydroxyzine, i still have panic attacks. 

i’ve noticed i get MUCH more anxious during the summer. i’ve read that the heat and humidity can do that to you, but i live where it’s really not all that hot during the warmest months. 

i’m anxious right now, and i popped a hydroxyzine. here’s to hoping that by the time i’m done typing all of this out, i feel better. it’s still about four hours until it’s completely dark outside and i feel like i can go to bed; i don’t like falling asleep when it’s still light out. panic attacks at night are more comforting to me because i know my meds make me sleepy and i can just take them and go to bed. but if they’re in the afternoon or evening, it makes everything seem so much worse. 

i used to wake up every morning to a panic attack and i am GLAD to say that i don’t anymore. that shit was so hard, so unbelievably hard to deal with every morning. i totally understand why some people with anxiety decide to off themselves. not saying i will, but who the fuck wants to be constantly in a low grade panic attack 24/7? NO ONE! 

i’m moving to a new apartment in a week and honestly i’m terrified. i like having my safe space here where i’m comfortable. what if i get anxious in the new place? then what? it’s not like i can go to my room that i’m used to. i really wish we didn’t have to move out, but our landlord is renovating. packing makes me so anxious, i wish i didn’t have to do any of this shit. 

i know i’ll be fine. every panic attack ends eventually.