Today's the first day that I have ever openly gotten sad about this, because obviously it's not like it can be helped.

I'm sure this is one of those things that I should have processed by now at age 23 but I just haven't felt proper sadness about it until now, more like numbness. 

My mother and father got together when they were still both addicts. When my mama was pregnant with me one time my bio dad beat her up so bad she had to go to the hospital. Thankfully she never saw that pos again after that, and since they didn't communicate after that obviously I haven't the faintest clue of my father besides his rather common name. 

It's funny how I haven't given myself the time to process this yet. After all what greater abandonment is there than abandoning a life you helped create just to fuck off and do more drugs or crimes lol. 

Well I can't really blame them actually because by the time I was 18 I basically fucked off school and disappeared, living the street life doing drugs as well.  Thankfully I have cleaned up my act by now and I'm sober, recently started school again after working, etc. Still feel like a walking disaster but eh. 

If any of you have grown up without parent(s ) for 
do you think it contributed to your feelings of abandonment in context of your bpd? 

(One of these days I'm gonna stop ghosting my therapist and posting here instead, but not today)