my insomnia is at an all time high, i’ve picked apart my routine, my environment, my relationships and more just to try and find the problem. It seems like the more and more I try to figure out what’s wrong the worse it gets. In my experience the mental health system seems to keep me stuck in this cycle of diagnoses and prescriptions, and I cannot take it anymore. I initially came in for a social anxiety problem and now today I just got prescribed an antipsychotic. like, what? 
Over the course of a few years i’ve abandoned everything “normal” about my life just to try and figure out what’s wrong with me.
I have all of these resources with no actual help and it feels like the worst kind of gluttony. I feel like i’m just hoarding all of my problems hoping they’ll clean themselves up. 
The mental health system cannot be the answer, but I do not know what is. 
I want to be able to receive help without pointing fingers or an extreme diagnosis. I want to be able to tell people how i feel without feeling sucked into an even deeper black hole than before. 
Most of the time I feel absolutely powerless, poked at, and alone. I’m at a breaking point surrounded by people who have no idea what’s going on.