Idk just curious. I’m hopefully gonna see a therapist soon (but obviously I won’t share this right away, I have to build up a good image of myself first). 

I don’t wanna k!ll anybody but I feel like I’m a ticking time bomb and the unfortunate person to set me off is in for a beating. 

In fact the sight of anybody’s blood besides mine weirds me out. I don’t like it, also it smells like pennies. why would I wanna get near a disease infested thing?

I have a feeling it’s a control thing but idk. 

The meanest I get to hurting people these days is just making fun of people who deserve it (mostly people who send me dick pics because watching their ego crumble is pretty funny). I don’t plan on getting in any fights soon but if a fight does happen, I’m not walking away. 

I don’t pick physical fights with people tho. I let the other initiate the physical part and I respond with self defense.

since I have most of that under control and haven’t blown up in years I don’t worry as much. But the anxiety is still there. That one day I’ll just have a freak out and hurt someone. I don’t fear for myself I fear for the person who is getting hurt in that situation. 

Is this normal? Are there any ways to deal with this?