At this point I just want nothing more than people to talk to me, I feel like it's the only hope I have to somehow escape depression. But even if that happens for whatever reason, and someone reaches out to me, I'm instantly lost. My mind is just constantly full of suicidal thoughts and self-loathing, there is just no room for a good conversation about literally anything. I don't know how to get out of it. 
Sorry for bad english, not my first language, yadda yadda yadda