Things can trigger my emotions. Things like: me trying to be okay with something I'm not really okay with (because I want to please the other person etc) or someone saying something which makes me insecure or angry or upset, the usual basically. However it's like a bursting sensation of an intense sort of angry, frustrated really upset sort of emotion which I can really strongly physically feel in my head and my chest and stomach. It's like my head (like wheels)  goes into some grooves which it can't get out of, even if I genuinely don't agree with my reaction or see the wrong or am confused with why I'm acting like this. I've tried the STOP method if you know about that. However trying to move on or genuinely trying to get myself to accept how I'm reacting - isn't *not* valid - but more not actually genuinely what normal people would do in reaction; I find really hard. I'm sorry I'm not good at writing but what I mean is: even when I know and want to react a certain way because that fits my views, I seem to be unable to control my reactions which are always negative. My brain just wants to fight for it's feelings that it's upset and wants everything it's way. I try and put myself in positions where I know I'll be most safe from reacting badly but sometimes even I mess up and end up being triggered by myself or by others (mainly my close friends and boyfriend). Obviously it's really shit because a lot of this has lead to me being very suicidal and self harming and all that but it's more just I want to know why I get this and how to deal with actually being able to have control. I'm getting better at dealing with it but I can't really specifically say what I've done to help myself. But I'm just open to suggestions because it really takes all my energy feeling like this all the time and I get a lot of nightmares a night anyway so it's just all a bit long for me at the moment. But honestly other than that I'm actually okay, I'm not depressed or anorexic anymore like I was, I've just really started becoming suicidal and hurting myself when this happens and honestly it's just scary.