So I have BPD, I was diagnosed at 17, and I'm 18 now - which also means that I have to leave for college. I was raised in an abusive and toxic household, but i still developed attachment to my home town. For now, we are taking a year off, because they have planned that i am to shift abroad for college. I have ~6 months left here. But... I can't sleep nights, my BPD is spiralling out of hands, I am struggling to even live daily, to feel real and day by day, it feels like the personality issues are worsening. Switches in personality, mood, thoughts, are all getting too much. I have stopped doing anything and everything I loved, and now everything seems to be in a haze. No matter how much I try, I can't restart. 

I am going untreated because , my parents, who control my life do not believe illnesses of the mind are real and it is a shame and Taboo in my country to be mentally ill. I can't get a part time job because a young girl having to work, would bring dishonour upon the family, in our small town.  I don't think I can do it, at least if my illness keeps going on like this. Seeing how I've given up everything, I don't think I can do college. If I try telling my parents, they will say I am making excuses, because they refuse to understand the severe personality disturbances I am having. And I am very scared that once I leave the country, to live with my uncle and aunt, it is only going to get worse to the point that I will go "utterly insane" and the remnants of "ME"  will die too and eventually I will end up dead one way or another. 

I have no idea what to do. What I need. I just need help and advice.