I guess it's largely to blame for the 13+ years of constant abuse, bullying, etc. with literally no escape that has caused me to go into a dissociative state whenever I'm at any sort of social gathering, so I just tend to not even bother. 

&amp;#x200B;

I just...like can't seem to connect with people, like I'm not human or something. I want to get along and form bonds and relationships, but I can't even interact on basic levels outside of a professional setting. I want to have goals and ambitions but everything just looks so pointless and empty.

&amp;#x200B;

I am going to therapy...both DBT and EMDR. While they are certainly helping I feel like resolving one issue only leads to discovering another. Still...I can not make friends, either on the internet or in real life. I inevitable push them away in some form or fashion and I just can't take it anymore. 

&amp;#x200B;

The 25 years of almost no emotional or physical intimacy, sexual anorexia/frustration, and loneliness would be enough for me to question why I bother plodding along but the host of other issues that I keep under wraps by isolating myself is really what's made me lose hope. I don't really know what I'm living for at this point.