I hate talking about this shit online cause Im tired of hearing your only 14 your real life has not even started yet, do you call working for 40 years until you die the real life?  I have been here for 14 years and i cant fucking stand myself and experiencing the "real life" will be nothing bout like pain and long shifts at mcdonalds since my grades are so mf bad. My dad is an alcoholic and i have not seen him in many years, my mom is abusive and suicidal and she use to tell me that shes gonna kill herself because of me and how she will do it. I got kicked out of my old foster home cause i ran away so much to see my friends and after 4 years of living in that place they kicked me out and pretended i never existed, It has been almost 3 years and I'm still not over what happened. They abused me a lot and no one believed me since it always happened behind close doors. It feels like I'm not worthy of love every day and at this point i don't even want therapy i want someone to beat the shit out of me. I hate my family and i feel like i don't belong in it my sister has chromosomal abnormalities she cant even take care of herself and my mom doesn't do it. Its not gonna get better just worse and i don't wanna be here for it. I love my friends but something tells me that they would be better off without me and i cant even begin to explain how much i hate myself and everything i have done. I will end it soon and I'm not gonna change my mind about it my life is already over. Please don't tell me my life is worth living cause its not.