Basically that. My moral compass is gone. I have no idea who I am. 

There is no real reason besides it’s always who I was, I grew up straightedge as fuck. 
Respected authority. Never lied, stole, cheated. Always non-confrontational, followed the rules. Wanted everyone to like me.

I drank occasionally in high school. But never done drugs, got in trouble, anything like that. 

I didn’t grow up religious. But, to me, the world was so cut and dry. Society made sense to me. 

I started sinking DEEP into a social depression during the height of the last presidential election, BLM movement, riots, etc.
The way society acts, what people do and do not get away with really opened my eyes to how fucked up the world is. And because of that, I lost every part of who I was. 

My nihilism was incredibly prevalent. I went to a very dark place. But Someone showed me how nihilism could actually be a positive. It took me out of that dark place, but put me somewhere in the middle. 

Why bother doing anything other than what I want. Im stuck in this revolving door of a life and want something new and exciting out of it. And I kind of hate myself for it. But can’t seem to change. Or from a redditors standpoint, don’t want to? Because it’s not that.. this place im in goes hand in hand with my depression. 100%. 

I wish I was still at a place in my depression where all I did was sit on my couch, stare at the wall, ignore self-care, and wish for me to be who I used to be. Ignorant to it all.