Something happened, can't remember what (probably thought my husband was leaving me again) but my response was to become incandescent with rage for 2 days, then donate my ENTIRE wardrobe and possessions to charity, throw away the stuff I couldn't donate, write a suicide note and disappear for 12 hours

They tracked me down. My father suggested I find some inpatient program somewhere. I know my family can't take it anymore and neither can I. So I found a residential psychiatric facility specializing in personality and mood disorders. I was admitted and will be there at least the next 30 days.

I told my husband about the place and he said "I'm glad you're getting help but I don't think this could work even if you do get healthy." He then proceeded to ask for a divorce.

And I get it. It makes total sense to me. But now I have no reason to carry on. He was my life, my whole world, and all I had to do was be a functional adult. But no, I fucked it up. I truly have nothing left.

I just wanted to vent. I hate that I'm a disease, I hate everything I've ever done. I just want to go home, but for the third time in my life, this hotel room is all I have and there is no home waiting for me anywhere. I am alone.