I can't help but believe im going to live a normal life. every day i take my medicine, i play my games, i go to work, i eat, i sleep, i die. is this what everyone is supposed to expect? because if so, im not sure i want in. but every day it repeats itself. i know im built for more, but i cant help but believe i'll go totally undiscovered. a normal life for someone who is abnormal. If im going to live an anything but normal life, i think i need to start with my art and work on silencing my inner monologue. i've noticed every episode i've had, i've been following my inner monologues discretion. understanding it as an automated process has helped me understand not every choice was mine, but rather a configuration of an infinite universe the shape of an infinite rubix cube. things are going to happen and it's going to be beyond my control. but thats ok, not everything needs control. if im going to live, it's because nature deemed it so. not i. and if being normal is part of it, i have no other choice but to be "normal." on the brightside, i know what drives my episodes. i can hear myself and it's awful. i can't wait for it to be silent, i do wonder what will become of me