I am feeling so unbelievably angry right now about something I just witnessed and my brain won't let it go so it's eating away at me and I was hoping if I could vent that here to people who may understand, my brain would possibly let it go and allow me to stop obsessing about it! I saw a thread on a subreddit where people were discussing having Bipolar disorder and so many people were seeming to describe normal mood swings as Bipolar disorder, claiming an illness they know NOTHING about and talking like it's a cute, quirky disorder to have that doesn't actually have the severe affects I struggled with for so many years now and am struggling with right now, st this moment. I cannot tell if I am being completely unreasonable right now though and am just acting like a huge asshole or if I have legitimate reasons to feel this way and was hoping maybe someone here could tell me.   I used to feel like I was very wrong for having these emotions toward that. Its is something that for years I thought I was selfish for thinking! I believed people when they told me I was only sensitive about it because I have type one Bipolar so I was taking it as a personal attack when I shouldn't. But right now I feel like I have EVERY right to be bothered by jokes made against the hell I have suffered due to this illness. Right now I am waiting for the adjust I get on my meds when I am manic to work so my brain will shut the fuck up and I can actually get an hour or 2 of sleep. I have been awake for 4 days now because my husband was working out of town when the mania hit so I didn't get the adjust as early as normal. He is the one who recognizes the episode and takes me in for the med adjustment since I don't ever seem to recognize it myself and this is what happens when that happens. This isn't some fucking cute disorder that makes someone fun and quirky! It's an absolute living hell that I desperately want out of! These people who make those jokes or claim this disorder when they actually have NO IDEA what this disorder is and what it actually causes just piss me off to my core! Right now I am trying do fucking hard to remind myself my husband is right and I am manic right now and the delusions aren't real and it's fucking hard! I am absolutely convinced he is cheating on me right now and the reasons behind that make 100% perfect sense to me! I am forcing myself to try to believe that this happens with every manic episode and it's nothing more than delusions and thats really hard to do when my mind makes it make perfect sense to me! When I call my parents to tell them though they tell me it really doesn't make sense, it just seems like it does to me. I NEVER see people talk about that part and play that off like it's cute!! I never see people joke about the CONSTANT panic attacks and calling 911 because I am also convinced rightnow I have an underlying heart condition. To me, this is a fear that I thought was pretty constant. According to my husband and family though, it's not and something I only mention while manic. I also have been having REALLY bad thoughts and urges I. DESPERATELY forcing myself to not follow through with! I have done 6 month jail stints before doing the things my brain is desperately urging me to do. Why does nobody try to claim that?? Because being in and out of jail isn't cute and quirky enough for them?? What about losing every fucking job they gave ever had because they get hyper and very short tempered with everyone around them?? Losing so many friends over the years because they become so difficult to deal with that you need to REALLY LOVE someone to stick around and really understand the changes is caused by an illness I didn't choose to have and can't control?  What?? is being really short tempered and mean not a fun enough side effect for you?? Oh that actually real life problems! Better not include that part in your made up illness!  Not cute enough??  I just wish these people would educate themselves on the REAL affects of Bipolar disorder and STOP romanticizing the bullshit idea they THINK it is! Fuck ANYONE who claims Bipolar disorder just because they had a normal fucking mood swing! Sorry if this post comes off as aggressive. I don't mean it to be. It's not an attack on anyone here and I really don't mean to sound like it is. It's just how my brain is wording the feelings and frustrations I can't let go of.  I got really upset after reading that thread and thinking about how unbelievably often this happens! If they lived one day with the constant paranoia, panic attacks, sleeplessness, aggressive feelings, horrible urges and so on I am dealing with st this very moment, they wouldn't fucking want to even joke about REALLY having this disorder! Am I being COMPLETELY irrational and feeling more anger and frustration than I should? Is this just the mania talking or is this anger and frustration warranted bc I honestly can't tell and my husband is at work, my parents are busy right now and I don't have many close friends I feel comfortable enough venting this to tell me. I know I am repeating myself but I feel like if I don't talk to someone I am going to lose it before anyone gets home and NOTHING is helping! I took my emergency meds and they are not helping AT ALL