TLDR: I’ve been feeling sick since eleven of age, and it feels like it’s the last time i’ll taste the sun.

Firstly, I am aware you’re not professionals. I’m sharing what I feel in hopes of finding people who are diagnosed and who experience/d these symptoms, so that I can learn more about it. If I could afford a psychiatrist, therapist or go see a counselor (my school doesn’t have one) I would. 

I just want to know what I could possibly have, what disorder or illness so that I can look for tips online to manage and keep it together until I get professional help.

I’m a 16 year old girl, I don’t smoke, drink or do any delinquent activities, and I’ve never been to therapy or been diagnosed with a mental illness before. My mom had severe OCD though.

For the past 2 years, I’ve been feeling like people (who I don’t personally know, could be celebrities or people I used to like or just random people in general) are watching me at home when I’m by myself or with my family, and judging me for the most simple actions and tasks and daily necessities: Going to the toilet? Gross. Preparing a meal? You’re doing it the wrong way. Praying? Ridiculous (?) Dressing in a certain way? What the hell are you wearing. Taking a selfie? You’re not pretty/you look foolish. Listening to music? Your taste sucks. Reading a certain book (on wattpad)? What are you, 9? They basically ridicule literally everything I do. 


&gt;&gt; The thing is, sometimes I feel like those people could see me through my eyes. It’s like they’re inside me, but they’re not at the same time. That’s why I do things in the dark, to block my vision so that they can’t see me. Literally every possible normal thing. 


I don’t hear them or see them. I don’t feel like they’re speaking either. I only imagine them in ly head, I’m aware of that, except I can’t stop acting weird “around them”.

I started doing some some extremely normal stuff in the dark (like going to the toilet with lights off) so that they can’t see me. I’m worried about what they think or that they’re laughing at me to the point that I don’t even enjoy stuff I used to. And I even started talking to myself as if I was making clarifications and justifications to them regarding what I’m doing. For example, I could say “Ew, that’s really gross.” which will match what *they think of me* therefore they’d think it’s out of my control and won’t judge me for it.

I was literally just doing the dishes in nothing but a very dim light. Doing the dishes. 

Also, I don’t think these are exactly hallucinations but I sometimes see shadows with the corner of my eye, but I think it’s just as normal as mistaking a pile of clothes for a ghost.

Those are details that I feel like I would list if I had a therapist:


I have violent mood swings that occur very often in a day, could be each 6 hours or each 30 minutes. Maybe even every 2 days. Nothing triggers these mood swings though. 

These mood swings do not result in me harming myself in any way, however. 

I also randomly switch from feeling very hyperactive to having no motivation whatsoever.

I forget very, very often that I have to write down things on my hand or pieces of paper to remember them.

I have very intense feelings (especially hate and sadness) and an occasional fear of abondamment.

I overthink.

I get crippling anxiety thoughts.

Also, I thought I’d say this because maybe it could be my potential mental disorder manifesting itself: I used to create fake profiles for no malicious intentions whatsoever, except to make friends and experiencing what life would be like if I was that person, as I’ve endured a long history of bullying from my own family and friends. It’s a form of escapism. I don’t think I’m ugly and tbh, I’ve been told I’m pretty many times, I have my insecurities, but this isn’t why I did it. I don’t seem to know why I feel the need to do so, really.


Someone suggested I have social anxiety but I don’t act weird around actual people. I’m perfectly fine in crowds. I’m only anxious around those inexistent people. I read a lot about it online and I think I either have paranoia (I don’t believe anyone wants to harm me) or some schizophrenic/schizoïde/schizoaffective disorder. 

It’s taking over my life and my parents believe everything can be cured by following the path of god or whatever and don’t take my mental health seriously, and I can’t afford therapy myself. Please provide any helpful opinions.

As I said I’m well aware you aren’t professionals. I’m just gathering information and opinions to look for methods to maybe reduce these symptoms until I can afford therapy. 

I know I’m a minor, but I’m sadly a part of a society that doesn’t prioritize mental health for kids nor adults or teens, there’s so much stigma surrounding it. 

If there’s any therapist in this subreddit who’s willing to only direct me to the right path so I could have accurate information, (I’m not asking for treatment), I’d highly appreciate that.

Take care.