First of all: AAAAAAAAAH

Secondly:

So I just got diagnosed, and literally every symptom of the 9 fit me in some way. I know you don’t *need* trauma to have BPD, but it’s just like... WHY did a piece of my brain apparently break off when I was like four? Ya know? I keep reading about it as a parts theory explanation and damn does it resonate!

But like... I have no trauma! My parents can’t remember anything, I sure as fuck can’t remember anything myself.

But around that age I started showing signs of trauma... I know there was a lot of excessive-for-my-age bed wetting, I was worried about being abandoned by my parents, I started doing some age regression stuff, etc. To this day, from childhood, I’ve been hypervigilant, cant sleep anywhere unfamiliar, can’t trust anyone near me... Feels like BPD + stuff that indicates trauma happened = trauma happened and I just don’t remember it, and I feel like it’s important to have an idea for what the fuck hurt me? Like literally the “worst” thing to ever happen to me is being trans which yeah gender shit sucks but like that’s long since processed, ya know?