Today I found out I was betrayed by two of the people I've considered close friends recently. They've basically been keeping me around for entertainment as a sort of "weirdo autistic pet" to make fun of when I'm not around. One of them is now sleeping w the guy I was seeing before I started dating my BF, which isn't as bad of a betrayal but still stung a little because she sat there and listened to me talk about how I had feelings for that guy but he kept mistreating me. I've been dealing w drama between all my friends since 3AM this morning and two of my friends have kinda made themselves welcome in my room for the past 13.5 hours and have just been doing drugs and insisting on cleaning my depression nest room for me. I appreciate it and all cuz my room really needed half a day of methed up cleaning, but I'm exhausted and need to fucking sleep and they keep saying they're gonna leave they're gonna leave and they just don't leave. 


With all this shit going on I'm stressed and wanting to check myself into the psych ward just to get away from this shit and these people. To add on to it, I messaged my bf asking him for attention and reassurance, and asking when I'd see him again because I really just need to be in his arms and vent to him. His response? "I don't have the energy to give you the attention you want, and I don't know when I'll see you next to be honest.". While my first reaction in my head to that was to split on him, on the outside I just said "I understand babe, ill give you some space if that's what you want". He never responded to me whatsoever and that was 8AM this morning now it's 4:45PM. The whole day however, he's been active on messenger but not posting on fb, so obviously someone energized him enough to get his attention. In my mind I'm splitting hard, beginning to hate him from idolizing him, and my abandonment trauma is telling me this relationship is gonna end before it even really starts, because he's never been this cold and unloving to me before. 


I feel like Im devolving towards crisis mode. Now that my two friends are leaving as I type this I can finally get some sleep so I'm gonna see if that'll make me feel better.