I am at the last straw. I’ve tried countless medicines, multiple therapist, and many other methods of help and I’m fine for a couple weeks and then I break down and I’m back to square one. I have thoughts of suicide, but have never and will never act on them. I’m ashamed at the fact that I have issues with severe anxiety and depression. I don’t know what to do anymore. My days consist of struggling to get out of bed and face life, constant conversation in my mind that brings me down, and then either smoking or drinking to slow my mind down. I try to sleep and am kept awake by my mind constantly chugging along to bring me down. Most of all I hate myself, I struggle with confidence because whenever I act confident my mind floods with thoughts that counteract anything I say or do. I feel awkward in every conversation I have even if it’s going well. My mind is just constantly filled with negative thoughts. I have friends and a great family but I still dwell on the past and the future and can never enjoy life or live in the moment. Video games used to be an escape and we’re very helpful, but now whenever I play I can’t enjoy them and just sit there sulking. Just needed to get this off my chest and I don’t know what to do, life is very painful.