Sometimes I feel like I don't exist. Like I'm this hollow worn-out shell of someone I used to be. Like maybe I'm not real. Or like I'm just gone.  It gets pointed out all the time. People would say things like "You used to be so cheery." or "What happened to you?"

  I'm exhausted. Even the smallest things like sitting up or getting out of bed feel trivial. My body feels heavy. Like I've got weights strapped to feet, determined to make me fall. Maybe sometimes they win.

I'm drowning. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a storm In the middle of an ocean. The life boat just out of Reach.  My head struggling to stay above water to not sink. Until suddenly I can't stay up anymore.

I give. I give all I have and I worry I have nothing left for me anymore. But I still give. My glass getting closer and closer to being empty.

My mind is restless. Working overdrive. Trying to absorb everything in school so I can please my mom, because I don't know how much longer I have with her.

I lay awake at night. Overthinking. "Did I do the right thing?" "What if..."

The days are merging together. Things are slowing and speeding up at the same time.

I'm tired. I want to sleep. To escape a reality in which I wish I wasn't apart of.

But maybe that's me. Maybe I'm destined to walk this earth. Never truly present, but there all the same.

Maybe my war will never be over.