so this is my first post of all time on reddit (just wanted to get that out there)
im 18 and to be honest i just dk how to feel anymore, i'm not an ugly human being, its not like i dont have any friends but i dont enjoy anything at all anymore.
Not that long ago i was going to the gym everyday, but like everything in my life, i lost all interest in it. I was getting to know this girl and we are about to actually to start dating and i kinda just let her go and felt really bad afterwards.
I been talking to my friends or other girls and when they invite to places ( even the ones i know i would like to go) i just refuse and say no.
I know how to masquerade my feelings really well because of school and the horrible relationship i have with my dad, so it feels like no one knows what im actually thinking and im not the type of person to put burdens on people, i just feel really stuck right now.
And tbh all my life i felt this way, like im annoying people or like im trying to hard, so at one point i think my mind sheltered me from anyone.
I really can't go on anymore without feeling useless or like im being an ungrateful piece of shit.
(sorry for any gramatical errors, not my first language)