I've dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts for over 25 years. I was 12 when I first attempted. My latest attempt was a few months ago. I have good days, occasionally. Most days are bad, though. Lately, I've been spiraling pretty hard. I try to handle my problems, but I don't know how to fix 30 years of trauma. I have a therapist. It's nice to talk to her. I get help with various coping methods. But they fall flat. And the suicidal urges always creep back in.

I'm not in any physical danger right now. I'm not going to jump off the bridge down the road into busy highway traffic today. I have reasons to live. But I can't break free of this depression. Maybe I never will.

I'm not entirely sure what this post is intended to do for me. Maybe it's just a small vent. I'm exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I just want to sleep forever. But I'd miss my cat. And she'd miss me a lot. Poor kitty.

Thank you for spending some time to rest this mess. Sorry for detracting from others getting the attention they deserve.