I just don't have any interest in dating or sharing myself intimately. Not sure I ever did even when I had relationships because I felt like that was what I was "supposed" to do. Maybe the mental health system has taken the place of real relationships or I'm just broken in a uniquely fucked up way. I've done everything that's supposed to help and have only gotten worse and have negative will to live at this point so maybe the depression has overwhelmed the BPD symptoms in my case? 10 years since even having any physical intimacy with another person. It just doesn't appeal to me at all anymore. I don't want more people in my life when I genuinely don't even want to be alive. And it feels even more lonely when all the BPD resources and discussion seem to be around people who are in super intense relationships.