Drop it like it's haawwwt.

No really. Dad has cancer.. (I've known this for 2 months now) . In one day, Uncle died. Broke up with bf
Im not a mess. This is the first time ever... I'm not emotional.

How you ask? Bf was being an asshole so I poured my drink over him. Got out of his car, he deleted me, changed his status to single.
6 hours later I am full swing panic attack break down. I walk to his house, and ask for a hug. I am throwing up between gasps of air because I'm so anxious. I calm down eventually, that easy calm after a bad panic where you can fall asleep where you stand. AFTER I calm down... He sneaks away (he said he was making tea) and calls the police. He tries to get me committed. We are cuddling when they show up. All love I had for this man just snaps, and disappears. I go outside, I talk to cops for an hour, I talk to ambo for an hour, I talk to hospital. They all agree, that I was not a suicidal risk, that I was grieving and acting within reasonable bounds. I feel like that's the first time I've heard that all my life. I felt so proud.

Thank you, ex bf. For the first time in a relationship, I drew a line in the sand, you crossed it, twice. The second time i pushed back, and poured a drink over you. 
Feeling guilt for pushing back, because I thought it was outside parameters of normal behavior, I sought comfort. I sought comfort for grief of a dead relative. You crossed another line.
After chatting with professionals.. . It's ok to have lines in the sand. It's ok to make the other person aware that you are allowed to defend yourself emotionally and physical, and that you will. I'm relatively in control of my disorder, but that doesn't mean I have to be weak.

I feel strong but... I'm so confused. I learned and grew for the first time ever. Is it going to stick? I'm not freaking out and panicking at the end of this relationship. That true snapping, is the first time I have experienced that. I still talk to my ex, I  decided we could be friends after a week me of ignoring him. Im not anxious for his replies. I know he's not good enough for me. Hah! Is this self esteem, that has crept up on me? 

I legit am just so confused. I'm honestly wondering rn if have bpd, or if I was misdiagnosed by 3 different psych. Whatever this zen mindset is, please don't let it fade. 