I don't know how to cope with not being paid attention to. It's not like I'm always alone, but I feel like I'm always alone. I don't know if this situation I'm in is just bad because my bpd tells me I should be upset, or if it is really actually upsetting and would be upsetting to another person in my shoes. 

Today I've seen my husband for a total of an hour since 8am. In small bursts. I haven't seen him since 10am. He's always on his computer and has been ignoring me. This is typical. It happens a lot and sometimes he'll get off and spend "time" with me, but that's still not satisfying because he'll be on his phone most of the time. We barely talk, and if we do he's gotta be joking about everything. It's never a serious talk anymore. Or he'll seem bored and I'll end up having a conversation with myself. 

It's very frustrating and very hurtful. 

On top of feeling ignored by him because of his screens, we haven't been alone in months. We don't actively date like married couples do. And if we do go out, he seems so bored or just doesn't seem to want to do the things I want to do. The last date we went in we went to the mall and most of the time he was on his phone browsing Facebook. 

I'd like to do certain things with him that aren't just typical dates. I'd like to have a good conversation with him. I feel so alone and I don't know if my bpd and fear of abandonment make it worse. If my anxiety makes it worse. If my past experience with relationships and always questioning if someone loves me make it worse.... Or if this is something that any "normal" person would be upset with too. 

I'm just tired of waiting on him. I wait for him to get off the computer. I wait for him to answer me in a conversation. I wait for him to decide whether or not we can have a date or what he wants to do. It really sucks. I'm currently waiting for him to start taking things more serious. I told him a few days ago how I'm tired of it and he didn't seem phased. 

I'm just really sad and trying to tell myself to get over it...