Because you lose everything anyway. Or you never get it in the first place. It’s all taken away, slips through your fingers. Other people can have these things. Not you. The more you want something, the faster it seems to be yanked away by some cruel twist of fate. Every time. Everything you want is jinxed. How dare you think you even deserved it in the first place. 

Can’t form an attachment to places. Cities. People. Jobs. Outcomes. Everything disappoints. And disappears. 

I’m just so used to never getting what I want that I’m becoming completely ambivalent and detached. Aren’t humans allowed to have wants? How come these wants are never met? It just seems cruel. I’m so tired of the letdowns. So very tired.

~1am musings 🌚