Hey everyone.

Does anyone else feel like life is dull? Like on a logical level? When I think about my future prospects, I am not filled with the eagerness or anticipation I see from my friends and family. I am filled with wanting; wanting for... something. Something unidentifiable, despite my efforts to define it (and yes, I am still trying).

I feel as if I will go through what I am supposed to do to ensure my success, and then what? I am no stranger to free time. I get restless when I have it, and try my best at entertaining myself, but I always come down to this low level baseline I likely will deal with for the rest of my life.

I guess I just expected things to be different when I was younger. It's genuinely like I am wanting something this world cannot give me. I want a lot of it.

But at the end of the day I know my place as merely a human being. I wish I was different. I want to be able to modify the world, and do what I please with it. I want to be able to induce unique feelings within myself by creating perfect scenarios and places. Plug me into an experience machine.

I wonder if this is why some people get addicted to opiates and other forms of escapism. I prefer sleeping, and having vivid meaningful dreams as an alternative myself. Even those have been escaping me recently.