Hi all.  Me again.

I’ve (23F) experienced a barrage of unfavorable/stressful events since the beginning of 2022.  This has created a constant baseline of lingering anxiety.  It’s not subtle.  I am no longer able to function normally due to the chronic flight or fight response.  Physical symptoms include sweating, tight chest, and a pumping stomach (adrenaline overload).  I can’t perform simple tasks without losing my breath.  Sleep is important to me, yet I have an overhanging feeling of dread when going to bed.  Sometimes I can sleep smoothly, other times it’s a war.  My main form of peace and solace has become my enemy.

My doctor recommended I start on Lexapro again – something that I had taken during my college days to cope with severe test anxiety.  By day 2, it created a serotonin-fueled brain overload.  My symptoms intensified by a magnitude of 100.  I was unable to sleep for 48 hours.  It caused me to pass out at work and chat with onsite medics.  My psychiatrist told me to stop the Lexapro.  I was instead given 20 mg propranolol (taken twice daily), and 50 mg hydroxyzine to help me fall asleep.  I was also given 50 mg trazodone to knock myself out if needed, but I only felt that I had to take this the first night to force reboot my body.  Was terrified of going into psychosis if I went another night with zero sleep.

I’m at a loss.  Everything is hard.  I’m seeing a therapist to cope.  I’m scared of losing my job.  It’s physically and intellectually demanding but **brain machine broke** and I’m unable to properly focus.  I’m scared of having to move all the way back home because of my instability.  I often find myself wondering if this is a life worth living.  It doesn’t help that I live alone in the middle of nowhere.

I’ll use this thread to update my progress.  I know lots of folks are going through this.  Keeping people informed of treatments and whatnot that may help them in turn is one of the small pieces of hope that I’m holding onto during these uncertain times.

Much love,

TheTipsyAlchemist