So - I’m diagnosed with bpd and i am pretty sure i have it but bc im so so withdrawn me and my therapist have talked about avpd and that it sounds like I could have it.. and this was before I got diagnosed with anything at all. I’m the type of person that is veeeery bad at maintaining relationships/friendships because I’m afraid of being rejected and abandoned, also in social situations I just feel so anxious and out of place WITH ANYONE (!!!! and i cant stress this enough!!!!) IT CAN EVEN BE PEOPLE IM CLOSE WITH AND THAT I KNOW WONT JUDGE ME but i just. at the same time i cant listen to those rational thoughts. I idealize these people ig and think theyre too good for me or that im gonna say smth wrong. (Also doesnt help that i tend to overshare and i talk fast in social situations) I avoid meeting people alot due to this anxiety and I hate ft and texting, I’m generally just a quite withdrawn person.. However i crave friendships so much and I actually do go out of my way to create bonds w new people but because of all my anxiety i just end up cutting them out of my life/am really bad at responding to them... and it makes me feel like literal shit and all i wanna do tbh is reconnect but then im kept back because of my guilt. And also bc i created this idealized version of what our friendship/relationship could be like, but since it all fails bc i just get so withdrawn i just give up all together. 

I feel like a shit person who doesnt deserve anybody because of this. And then if i do get close to someone they have to deal with my instability and splitting and just all this shit and god. Its been like this for so long. I feel like im never gonna have a normal relationsgip