This morning I felt so much tension and rage, I already knew something might happen.

When I went downstairs and my mom started talking to me, I started to feel the tension build up more and more until I felt like I was going to explode. 

So I went upstairs to my room to calm down a bit. But then a couple minutes later my mom came into my room to tell me something. 

And then it happened: I exploded. I started screaming at the top of my lungs: GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY!

The look of fear on my moms face broke me. Immediately after I went back to her to hug her and say sorry, but I felt like such monster, acting like that to my own mother. 

I hate myself when I'm like this, and I'm pretty sure other people do too. 

I really feel like my depression has turned me into a monster. No matter how hard I try, I can't control myself. The guilt and the shame is slowing eating me up.