I really want to more easily feel happy for other people rather than having it redirect into self-hatred and feelings of inferiority. I want to be able to think of the successes or natural abilities or characteristics of others and consider it as a collective success for the world, or at the very least think "good for them," but no, my brain turns it into a competition. I end up feeling worse about myself, even if it's someone that I'm friends with. Sometimes it even translates into disdain for that person and it makes me feel like a terrible person for not being able to feel happy for anyone other than myself. Depending on the topic, I might even feel frozen and thoughts will start to build up in my mind, resulting in this barely controllable anxiety and feelings of helplessness or worthlessness. So many people have these accomplishments to feel good about, but it feels like I have nothing, yet I don't feel motivated to do anything about it. There's always someone who's better than me, even at my age or younger or with less experience that makes me feel completely inferior and useless. It affects me so much every day to the point that I can barely get my work done, and I need help. I'll think that I've gotten over it, but the next day it'll suddenly return, hitting me even harder and pushing me closer to the edge. I find myself fishing for compliments or searching for validation in meaningless things or slightly exaggerating just to gain momentary happiness or confidence, and I can't take it much longer.