Sometimes I feel trapped by other people’s joy. They talk to me optimistically about anything going on in their lives and I just don’t feel optimistic about life. 

Everything I want to do just seems like a way to past time instead of because I actually want to do those things. 

I love Hawaii, but I’d be okay dying in my sleep too. It’s like nothing can cheer me up long term . I’m a cup with a hole in the bottom. 

I feel like the only way for me to connect with people is to be fake because most of the time I can only see the waste of energy life is instead of the gift I’m told it is.

I can’t date because it’s hard for me to laugh at anyone’s jokes unless it’s very dark and depressing. I don’t feel like I ways always like this but after years of therapy I’m still like this.  I have to force myself to occupy my time but I don’t really enjoy much