I've always been a stressfull person since like forever, when I was around 5 I had like a lot of stomach and fainting problems but after a lot of tests they said I'm perfectly healthy and it must just be stress. We brushed it off and I was just prescribed some stomach settling things.

Anyways, this year I took the first biggest exams of my life- British GCSE's- and they were hell. Months before I was staying up late and revising because I managed to convince myself that I will fail if I don't get good grades. I was definitely overworking myself and I couldn't sleep, even with the help of over the counter sleeping medication and herbs. My hands would shake really bad with anything from being called on in class to doing tests. Then the exams actually came around and all stress went up by 100. I couldn't sleep at night and sat most exams on 3 or 4h of sleep and my 2 most important ones were sat with no sleep at all. I couldn't eat because I would throw it back up all throughout the day apart from right when I came home from school. I then noticed that I was getting these like meltdowns where it felt like the world was ending, my chest would hurt, I would get lightheaded and I would be drenched in cold sweat. My friend said they are panic attacks which made me rather worried and so I looked into it.

I then tried a lot of breathing excersises and herbs and tried to get sleep, read a lot more, didn't use my phone before bed and even went out running most days. It didn't help at all, I wasn't sleeping well and I was still shaky most days. I had to be moved in like 90% of exams and would constantly leave lessons and break down in the toilets, it went far enough to become an joke between me and my favourite teacher and my friends. 

After exams were over I was forcing myself to have fun and relax but it just wasn't working. I didn't like leaving the house and I just proffered to not talk to anyone. It felt, and still feels like I'm pretending to be someone I'm not to my friends as I force myself to crack jokes and make myself the butt of the joke, but then I go home and I'm physically exhausted.

Towards the end of summer, my stress was amplified by exam results and I told my mum, she said it's all in my head and I just have to not let myself get lost in my emotions. She then said I need to breathing techniques, but I already tried them all and they weren't doing much.

After I got my results I thought it would all be good, I got decent enough grades, I got into the college that I wanted, into the courses that I wanted and I was living the life that I dreamed off for the past few years. Yet, I don't feel like I've felt truly happy ever since probably a year. It's just been constant stress and I can't break out of it.

I started college and had about 5 breakdowns the first week alone. It felt like there was too many new people and I hated not knowing the layout of the school. My hands still shake when I forget homework, during tests and when I get called on.

I called my doctor about it and he referred me to CAHMS (UK children mental health services). He also said it sounds like i am exam triggered so should be fine for the next two years until my A-Levels. I don't feel fine. I spoke to the people at CAHMS in September but haven't heard back since. The only thing they also told me was that I need to continue breathing techniques and that this is normal everyday stress everyone deals with. 


That's why I am writing this, because I have been wondering for way too long now if I am just being dramatic and overexaggurating or if everyone else is just not seeing the same things that I am.

I also read online that there is medicine that could help with this as I'm not really wanting to tell a random stranger my problems in person (which is the "treatment" plan that CAHMS proposed) but I don't really want to seem like an attention seeker by my doctor for just wanting the "easy" way out.

I just don't feel like I can live like this for any longer because it sucks so I would appreciate any advice as I am unsure if this is anxiety or anything else.