I have severe ocd and I currently can't tell what is real. I am 40 years old. When I was in my early 20s I was extremely ill and isolated and for a short time watched voyeurism porn videos on reputable sites like Porn Hub. I presume these videos were staged. I stopped watching them relatively quickly as I wasn't comfortable doing as such and i haven't looked at them since but I can't forgive myself and feel like I should die. I have become a very ethical and kind adult and I hate I did this, even if I am certain these videos were staged the thought there is a chance they weren't eats me up. Can anyone offer advice as I haven't been able to function for years due to this guilt and shame.