I'm going through a really rough time, and the person who has supported me a lot is going away for a week. I am trying really hard to give them some space because I know I've leant on them a lot recently and I don't want to annoy them by bothering them while they're away. But I don't want them to have a nice time without me, I know that's so selfish. 

I'm a week sober and haven't self harmed in about a month, but I feel like going off the fucking rails at the moment and nobody else understands me enough for me to lean on them.

 I know this person would be so disappointed in me if I drink or self harm and that would probably just push them further away

I'm really struggling with sobriety, because usually drink is my answer to everything. I honestly just want to lock myself away and wallow, but somehow I have to keep functioning like a normal person and pretend I'm okay, because everybody must be so sick of hearing how miserable I am by now.