I don't want "help". I've gone through 20 years of Dr's fucking with my head and not knowing wtf they're doing. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being expecting to pay for a fucking decent psychologist if I want a real committed therapist when I can barely keep my fridge full of food. 

I'm so fucking done with this shit.

I'm sick of conflict. Any of it. Life is just a constant stream of shit to the face.

Fuck it. 

And y'know what? Even if it's all my own fucking fault? I'm clearly too fucked up to change anything. Because I've fucking tried. For years. So fuck everyone and fuck me. We're all going to die alone and miserable anyway.