Hi guys, new in this subreddit and I really need advice with something. Like around a few months I've been hooking up with a lot of people, having one night stands and all. But before these one night stands I was a virgin for whole 22 years, I avoided sex bc of my traumas until now. And the minute I started having sex, I fell for the person I hooked up with first. It became a regular thing for us and I really want to have more with them but they're actually really uninterested in me as a person (they are emotionally distant) and it's like I get hurt and triggered by everything they do now. I become so upset I'm triggered 24/7 and I started self harm after stopping for like 2 years ago. It's affecting me too badly about alcohol and other substance addictions as well because I can't stand being sober and thinking about them.
At first I really saw them as the person I needed the most, but now I can't help but getting so mad at them for every single thing they do. I don't talk about this out loud with them (sometimes I suck at hiding tho) but I internalize the whole anger instead and blame myself for being unloveable all the time. I feel like the best thing I can do is to stop seeing them altogether but it's also not something I can do because even though I'm mad I can't stay away from them or stop thinking about them. Any advice would be fine, I just want to get through this without losing my mind even more:(