I've been suffering from BPD along with OCD and GAD as long as I remember. Since I was 10, my mood was swinging so often, I had a very bad separation anxiety with my mom, and I used to split so often. And due to my poor behavior, I accidentally hurt my dog a few times by pushing him away whenever I was too emotional (who was very small), and after that, I've developed an intrusive thought that I might hurt any small dog or things. Although after therapies, medications, and volunteering at shelters have helped me to get much better, but I was always afraid of the thought.

But I've always loved big dogs, my mom used to say it was so funny how when I was a baby, I used to run to those big dogs, and just hugged them without ever being scared. I love animals, especially dogs, we had 2 family dogs who crossed the rainbow bridge due to their old ages.

And I had seriously started planning for an adoption for the last 8 years. I left my home country when I was 16, and now I'm almost 30, finished a graduate school and got a full-time job, and now I work fully remote. And after many adoption applications and interview processes, I finally adopted my fur-ever family, Mahler.

I recently came open about my mental illnesses to my family and best friends, and I talked to my mom about how BPD have affected my life. She's been volunteering at different hospitals including mental hospital, so she's been very open about it, and supporting me, and for the first time, I talked to her in more depth about how I really felt.

I told her, how I always feel alone and I don't belong anywhere, although I know I have family and friends who love me dearly. I changed my identities multiple time, to build a new "me" and maybe I will be loved and find somewhere I truly belong to. I told her how I always feel like I was going to be abandoned, and how my romantic relationships were always unstable, and I always feel like I'm no one's favorite person, but everyone is my favorite person.

And when I adopted Mahler, I finally became someone's favorite person. The one that I would not need to constantly ask and confirm their love for me, compare with other loved ones, to rank their favorite person, and I would not worry about how I would look or my action would turn them to hate me. I have someone who will love me forever, and will never leave me, no matter what!!!!

I still want to cry every time, just thinking about this. It's only been 2 days since I've adopted him, but my life already has changed. When I was out of Mahler's sight to use the bathroom, he started crying and followed me. It's like he desperately NEEDS me! He saw my ugly naked self, but he still follows me everywhere and wants to snuggle!!!! And now, I have to continue to live and be happy, at least for him! To him, I will be his life and I will be everything for him. And that's a big big responsibility. And I'm just so happy, I can clearly tell myself, there is someone that needs me for his life. 

I'm so happy that my dream finally came true. I'm so relieved, and I just know I have to get better and better. I cannot give up because he needs me. I've never been happier!!!!