Whenever I make a mistake, being small or big, I feel I deserve to die. If I hurt someone unintentionally (or intentionally) I also feel like dying. I feel the other person would be better off without someone as shitty, horrible, and abusive as me. That if I am dead, they will be saved and better off without somoene as horrid as me

I know this stems from severe abuse from my parents. My father was invalidating "you're too sensitive" and my mother straight up told me to kill myself twice. Once for being depressed and the other for losing an earring. She told me to jump out a window and I actually contemplated before she called me back inside. I dunno, I sometimes wonder if she'd be happy if I died since that's what she would have wanted