Im considering going to the hospital and see a doctor to get some mental health help for sometime, i always found excuse to not do it. I plan on doing it tomorow,  but man im already stressed out. I am so confused in life right now, i dont even know if my problems are real or if i am just making shit up,living in a lie i built for myself. Maybe i'm just a narcissistic asshole and im playing victim? Maybe my issues are made up? I fear being told that. 

Main issues are i cant control my emotions very well, very low self esteem, no confidence, i've been isolating myself for a long time now so i might be a sociopath, and i love too much, too hard, every relation i've been in , even when i ended it, i've had that girl stuck in my head for years  , crying when i did things that remembered me of her. So trouble moving on.
And im very anxious socially,in groups. Most probably  since i isolated myself for years . It can be 10°C outside, i'll wear shorts and a sleeveless t shirt and sweat profusely if i spend too much time in a crowded place
 In groups i will stutter and be so shy, while on 1 on 1 scenarios i'll actually be good. Maybe cause i'm manipulative in my relations but i dont realise it? To me its clear i need help but i fear being refused.

So if you'd care i 'd like a little motivation to follow through with the hostpital plan tomorrow.