I don't know where to begin. I'm 14 years old and don't know what I have, all I know is that my doctor put me on Prozac when I was 12. As long as I can remember my dad has always been a very VERY short tempered person with little to no patience. I can't remember much anymore (which I should probably get checked) but he's always been very loud and shouted alot even when I was just a toddler. He usually worked from Monday to Saturday so until around 5.00pm which was okay, but when he came home he'd start giving out about everything, from the state of the kitchen table which he wrecked to me not immediately giving him the remote to watch some horse racing bullshit. I was miserable and can remember coming onto this website and the age of seven and looking up reasons as to why I feel so numb. My dad would put pressure on me when I was young, I remember a night where I cried to him because I couldn't understand what was wrong with me and why I felt this way, and all he did was tell me I didn't know what stress was and told me about our house bills, that we could be kicked out and living on the streets, the starving kids in Africa and the cost to just feed me and let me have an education. How comforting! Honestly when I get into arguments (aka when he takes something i hesitantly say the wrong way) with him now I either want to shoot myself or brutally murder him saw-style.

 I can't talk to my friends either as they all take it as a joke which is my fault. I can't really tell people how I feel because I just start bawling uncontrollably so I leave answers short when I go see any counsellors or any of the other people I have to see. I'm honestly severely scared of school and outdoors in general. When i'm in school my heart is literally racing and i'm always at edge and in public if i walk around a corner and a person is there I jump as if I just murdered somebody. It makes me feel sick and I've threw up in school about 8 times. 7 times before school too. I had nearly 100 absences last year. I'm really stupid too and just don't do well in school. I am terrible at maths, science, history, irish, geography, yadayadayada.

 I've felt this way since I was 7 but didn't completely understand, so I thought I just had a sore stomach but I guess not. I never have my friends over either. I kind of feel alone. I daydream alot to the point where I'm literally certain that without a doubt i have maladaptive daydreaming disorder, which I don't even really mind because being stuck in my head is better than this shitshow happening in my real life. I went to camhs about a month ago with my mam and dad. I told them about my dad (which resulted in me crying to a point i couldn't speak after 5 mins) and they said they hard informed child protective services or something like that. They explained it to my dad and he just said ok and we went home. He was okay for that day but everything went back to normal after that. I'm just really stuck and don't know what to do, I have zero plans or hope for the future and kind of hope the world ends before I turn 18. Thanks for listening to me winge and any advice or just comments would be very much appreciated as i'm starting to think i'm not even a real person. :)