I'm getting married in less than 4 months. I feel HUGE (228lbs at 5ft8 but admittedly, I carry it well and I dont look fat. Yes I know that sounds silly but I used to lift and im quite...solid looking).
I'm drinking way too much because my nerves are just all over the place. It isn't the wedding. It's everything. I have a JNO sister who I was estranged from but now she's really trying to be in my life (mainly coz of the wedding. Not inviting her was never an option). I'm terrified she'll say or do something stupid on the day. She can't help herself. She always needs to be the centre of attention and I just cant deal with it. 
One of my fiancé's friends is in love with him and, while I know she won't say or do anything, I just wish I could give her a massive pre wedding slap and tell her straight to just fuck off. 
My heart is always racing and skipping beats. I can feel my heart pumping away and it vibrates across my body. I'm not sleeping. 
I'm under the care of a rheumatologist and neurologist for nerve pain post covid. 
I have zero time for any type of exercise (job/planning).
I'm furious with my friends because none of them can come to my bachelorette party (which I've now cancelled). 
I'm just not coping very well and I don't know what to do. I'm not diagnosed and I won't medicate anyway because I know I'll get addicted. 
I'm just sad and scared and tired and sad and a little more scared. And sad. 
And now my chest is sort of pinging. Like a little stabbing cramp. Not all the time. Just every now and again. 

Wow. That was one hell of a vent. Thanks!!!!!!!