Hello everyone, I don't know how to say this properly. This is my first time ever making a post on the internet, especially this type of a post and I'm sorry if this is not the place for something like this, but I just have nowhere else to go. 

Thanks for taking your time to read this.I'm a M (20), life feels like a hell for me, I've been through a lot since my childhood, but I never bragged about it nor never told anyone how depressed I am, probably cuz of the insecurity I've gained from everyone around me, I don't feel safe around anyone to talk about it and therapy feels so wrong to me it's like they are just doing their job and there's no real talk or support. It literally takes bare minimum of warmth to make me feel better again, but I don't even get this I don't get anything from anyone.. everyone thinks that I'm so miserable, friends.. family.. I swear I'm not even cringe or anything, I'm not attractive but not ugly just a pretty much normal and chill dude you will see around. then I tried to find my happiness in love, before this gaming was the thing I loved, I used to play all day and night, but it got so boring and the games doesn't feel the same at all (nothing else interested me). I literally did everything for this girl and I've never showed this side of me, hell I even forgot what it meant to be depressed, just to find out that she lost feelings for me after a while, that she thought that she liked me, she just liked the idea of it and what I did for her.. everything got so worse, but I break through it after couple of months. Then I wanted to try a new relationship. I was talking with a girl it went well and all, I confessed she wasn't sure about it, but she was so happy and super nice about it, but after a while exactly same thing happened with her, in a matter of seconds.. she treated me like I was the person she hated the most, I didn't do anything wrong, I'm so sure of it. And at this point I literally have no will to keep going, nothing or anyone needs me even if I do my best, even if I do better than most of the ppl or even something that sounds like "giving it your all", kind people of reddit I just wanna read some wholesome comments tomorrow, let it be just something nice to make me feel better about what I'm about to do, and please don't give "don't do it there's so much yet to do" comments, it'll make me wanna do it even more, I'm literally all in tears as I'm posting this.. I'm sitting outside all alone midnight very cold.. I don't even wanna go home to see my mom at all.. everything feels so unfair.. no it is unfair..