I've (17F)  been in this somewhat-relationship with a boy (18M) for a few months now, and throughout this entire time I've questioned my feelings for him. There were times when I really liked him, and times when I felt nothing, and times when I was hell bent on hating him and making him out to be the one lacking certain traits for me not wanting him enough, or for things not working out between us. Being with him makes me question myself like crazy; there's a crazy level of self doubt and anxiety and I often find myself becoming unusually stiff around him, because my guards go up and I can't risk having him see a single flaw. But, he's the one person that makes me feel insanely good about myself. I'm at the point where I'm wondering whether I stick to him because he gives me validation. Then again, there are also times when I feel repulsed by his affection or adoration for me. I also found myself emotionally cheating on him, (romantically feeling for others numerous times) but eventually circling back to him. I don't know which feeling of mine is real, because whatever mood I'm in, the feeling at that time feels Hella real. Be it not liking him, or liking him, or feeling nothing, or despising him.