Yesterday I had therapy and damn it ... it really hit very close. The conversation was about leaving home (I live with an abusive stepfather, a mentally unstable mother, a grandmother who is not doing very well and a loving sister thank God) the option was to move in with my father (ex-drug addict trying to improve his life ) I can't do that because 1. I don't trust my stepfather 2. I don't want to leave my sister alone dealing with all of this

And she said I should think about myself thinking about the best place to work on my mental health. I'm laughing now, I can't type this without laughing what the hell does it mean to put me first, I can't do that! I have no idea what I want who I am where I want to go etc. I have no desires !!! I don't know what's best for me LITERALLY I spent hours thinking about it about the best place to live but I don't know !!! I just know that I want to protect my mother and sister, but other than that ??? I do not know!!! I live for them because I have no purpose in life I really don't have a dream career or a dream relationship I have nothing !!! I just go with the flow, so PLEASE don't tell me to prioritize myself. I don't see a reason to live, but I can at least try to live for others