My parents recorded a great deal of my early childhood so there is a lot of footage of me when I was very young. I used to be the most innocent and carefree little boy who never even once thought about what others thought about him or the way he looked. I never cared about being lonely. It was just me with me and my mom and dad, and I was the happiest kid in the world. The smallest things made me smile. Years later I am now miserable and wishing I was dead. I barely even speak to my parents anymore and I push away and resent everybody around me. My parents are heartbroken by the fact that I don't speak to anyone. I'm horrified by how shit my life has become and how terrible of a person I am now due to my own mental health deteriorating beyond control. I had so many friends a year ago, but all I do is push people away and be a burden. Seeing what I used to be and comparing it to what I am now makes me want to cry. Every time I see a little kid being happy and innocent I wish so badly that I never grew up and I could have remained a happy little boy forever.