my girlfriend has been nothing but kind and patient and understanding with my condition. she’s always been willing to offer reassurance and comfort when i’d freak out about her not loving me anymore and other irrational things. recently she told me that my mental health has been taking a toll on her and “because of who i am” and “who she is” she doesn’t see us working out. ofc she never said it’s because of my mental health explicitly. but the words she used was that she finds she has less and less patience for “the way i react to things”, and she’s been afraid to tell me when she’s upset because it’ll “send me on a spiral”. she has every right to feel this way. I know. there was one horrible incident where she said something to me and it hurt me so bad that i TW!! SH. hurt myself and she found out and it fucked her up. I feel so so so much shame for it, i couldn’t control myself  but ultimately i think that incident is what made her decide that i’m too much. 
She keeps saying this is not my fault and it’s not me, it’s her, but i KNOW that the truth is, IF i was different, she’d have enough patience. So ultimately it is on me. IM the reason why we won’t work out. I know she deserves better , and someone normal who won’t be this much hard work but FUCK it hurts. I wish every single day i wasn’t like this. I love her so so much and i can barely imagine my life without her. The only way i can think to salvage our relationship is just by not talking about my mental health anymore. I know that’s probably not great, but i think i’d rather repress this broken part of me than lose her. I’m just gonna pretend i’m fine and maybe then she won’t leave me.