I have been trying to do everything I am supposed to be. I practice mindfulness, I have healthy skills. I paint, play drums - go to work - live a semi social lifestyle.  I feel like a broken record saying I do all of those things. But lately I have been slipping because I’m tired. 

Here I am, relapsed and just tired of being strong all the damn time. I’m quiet borderline - I internalize and push people away. And I’ve been doing that, I didn’t even realize I was doing it until today, when it hit critical point and I relapsed again. 

I just - I’m tired. I’m so tired. Therapy should be soothing this out, right?! Why do I always feel like I’m in my own personal war zone? Techniques have gotten easier, and I can manage better but this is just rough emotionally. 