My fp dropped me a few weeks ago. I haven’t heard anything from her despite spamming her and contacting her on different apps and stuff. We had been friends for a long time, on and off for the past decade. She told me that I am not her responsibility and that I routinely ruin her life and she’s done. And I don’t know what to do now. I thought she’d come back because she always has before but she isn’t this time. She’s been my fp for a very long time and I don’t know how to keep going without her.  Every memory I have from the past decade is laced with the memory of her. Every song that reminds me of her will always remind me of her. I genuinely cannot go 20 minutes without seeing or hearing or feeling something that reminds me of her… and reminds me that I pushed her all the way away this time. I never imagined a future without her. Things have gotten bad between us before but I never thought she’d go. I never knew if she was supposed to be my partner or just my friend and confidant, but I always felt that she would remain in my life. 

And now she’s gone and I’m shattered. I realized way too late how important she is to me. I couldn’t restrain myself and I flew off the handle one too many times and now it’s too late to change anything. I love her and I’m trying to be happy that she’s happy and able to flourish without me but I can’t. I miss her so much.