I never understood what was going on, only that she was always highly sensitive, very emotional and struggled with a few obsessive friendships over the 20 years that we were together. She had many regular friends who are great and then some VERY SPECIAL VERY INTENSE friendships. When it came to these friendships I came to be alarmed when I sensed them because her behavior would eventually become impulsive and damaging to our marriage, with me ultimately assigned the blame for causing her behavior (how dare I interfere with these special relationships).

I noticed it happening again and tried to ignore it. Talking about the FP (a gay male coworker) became compulsive, for hours at a time. Then they were sleeping in the same bed at my cabin and I was uncomfortable with it. Eventually I looked at her texts, which I had never ever done, and was alarmed at what I was seeing - Can I see you every day, will you quit your job and stay by my side, you are gorgeous, I love you so much... naming the day she would get to see him after his name. The depression after those visits were over.

I confronted her and asked her if there was something going on. It almost seemed like an emotional affair. She accused me of being a jealous, insecure person. Her friends have all known her to struggle with these kinds of relationships throughout her life but no one is willing to confront her because of how sensitive and volatile she is with conflict.I told her it was unhealthy, how she was behaving in regards to him and she absolutely lost it.

She moved out within 30 minutes of the confrontation about her FP and I was stunned. She says he is the best friend she has ever had in her life and moved to the city where he’s located, about an hour from our home, saying maybe if I quit my job and move there then she might be able to forgive me.

Has anyone else had their marriage suffer/end or relationship suffer/be accused of jealousy because of questioning or stating discomfort with their SO’s FP? I feel like I’m crazy, witnessing the behavior I’ve seen and then getting called out basically as an abusive, jealous spouse. I was so afraid of this and now it has happened. Does anyone have any advice or have you been through something similar? Oof...