 Feeling trapped (22, MtF) in my thoughts as if I'm locked in solitary confinement every day. Sometimes the urge to hyperventilate arises.

My LDR partner in the UK (18M) is encouraging me to go and have male best friends, even open if it turns out to be in a relationship. Idk how I feel about that but I guess can't hurt to try. He goes to a military college and knows he may not always be around. He's the only person I could feel co dependent to share my innermost thoughts so far

Don't trust family. Don't rely have any friends. I only have him though he's busy a lot.

Been through a lot, I sometimes have dark thoughts. I feel too exhausted to cry alone.

I feel like a burden even if he assures me otherwise. He's been my rock even if he's younger than me.

Preferably looking for guys no older than 22 in the military or considering enlisting/commissioning.

AD/reserves, boot or a poolie, don't really care but anyone who has the capability of understand my experiences is something I'm looking for.

I need someone from a background who can understand. To make me feel safe thst you are the person I can confide to also

I just want to close my eyes forever and not wake up tbh. 

Really would love someone to do daily voice calls with. 

No unsolicited advice nor optimistic comments/messages. Seriously, I've heard enough and so many variations of it.