Tw: for suicide obviously 



Does anyone else: when they think about committing suicide think about how it would affect certain people and hope it causes the most amount of pain for them possible so they feel as bad as they made you feel?

A couple of people who are/were ... now I guess... really important to me, really deeply hurt me .. I have reasons for wanting to die outside of them but thinking about killing myself... when they found out I would want them to be devastated and blame themselves. I know that sounds psychotic but these people know how badly I struggle and how much pain I'm in and didn't care at all about how they treated me and even actively did things to hurt me like lying  manipulating and cheating.