Every time im in a group activity or party with some friends and peers i always fear that i don't say or do the right thing. I want to be friendly to everyone but i fear that trying to befriend everyone makes people find me annoying. I hate that my brain makes me second guess and doubt everything i do. Because this doubt negetavily effects these events and i always return home feeling sad and stupid. 
One reason why i do this trying to befriend everyone is because i hate to be lonely, like before. And this fear of lonelyness creates a hole that i want to fill by hugging my friends and talking to them but im always sadend when i feel that that hole stayed empty. I don't know what to do. Ive talked about it with a psychiatrist but the talks haven't helped that mutch. I assume it has lost it's affect after all those years. Im always so fucking over self conscious about everything sometimes even when im surrounded by people who i see as friends i still feel so alone, like they are just faking it for me sometimes i think it would be easier if i was born normal. 

Apologiez for any writing mistakes.