I have been triggered and now I can't stop thinking about death. I need peace while i'm living. 

I have been having bad death anxiety for the past month. It all started  when I was browsing YouTube and I came across this video that mentioned  that this singer I knew of had died. She passed in 2020 and I didn't  know it. She was young and only a few years older than me. I wasn't a  big fan of hers but her death completely shocked me.

To add more context, my mother is very sick and is in and out of the hospital a lot.

My grandmother who raised me is 80 and her health is declining.

I have a sister but she is special needs.

I  feel that I have no one to talk to about this. Everyday I think about  how horrible dying is. I was at work the other day and was doing some  reports. On the reports, you can file employee status by active, leave,  terminated, or deceased. I filtered the report by deceased and became so  sad. I realized that a number of these people died in the past year,  possibly of covid. That scares me. I also started googling some of their  names and came across their obituaries. So many different ages! 42, 50,  56, 63, 70. That scares me the most. Not knowing when we're going to  die.

I am scared that when I die I  will be trapped in this state of awareness. In this state of knowing  i'm dead but calling for someone to rescue me and no one ever comes to  my rescue. I also am afraid of being put into the ground. I don't want  to be in the freezing cold all by myself underground. That scares me  too. I don't want to be cremated either. I want to be put in one of  those buildings like a mausoleum.

I  am only 28 and I can't stop thinking about death. It's starting to  interfere with my ability to concentrate and function and i'm sad all  the time.

I told my psychiatrist and he was just like "move closer to your family" and "death is inevitable".

I  live in NYC and my family is in Texas. I moved away for my career and  to build a better life for myself. Now is not the right time for me to  drop everything and move closer to my family. I haven't seen them in  person since 2019 but if I have to move back, it has to be on my own  terms.

I feel so scared and alone  though. I want to stop thinking about death. I wasn't always like this.  For the majority of my life I haven't worried about dying as I feel  dying itself is uncontrollable but it's been heavy on my mind as of  late. Not just because of that singer that died necessarily but in  general over the past month or so, i've just been thinking about it non  stop.

I need serious help and  comfort. I am hoping that someone can help me overcome this. It's a  terrible feeling to think about death all day and night.

I  also see and hear about people dying everytime I turn on the news or go  to any type of media outlet and it's causing me great anxiety.

I recently read about this person killing most of their family recently and it just put me in even more of a bad headspace.

I  want to escape this mental prison! I can't determine when I die. Even  if I make an attempt on my life, that doesn't mean I will succumb. I'm  not suicidal but what i'm saying is that I know death itself is out of  one's control  but I still can't seem to come to terms with it.

I  also have been thinking that I don't want to have kids because I don't  want them to have to die. I would feel horrible that my kids would one  day have to die. That makes me deeply saddened.

I am trying so hard not to cry right now. Please anyone, help me!