This is hell and it is absolute torture all I know is him my day and my life revolves around him I’m constantly wondering if I’m being too clingy or if he’s going to leave me it is absolutely draining the mood swings are draining every fucking thing is draining I’m tired but my bpd will not let me leave. today I found out he finds his coworker attractive he mentioned something about it before we became a thing but never told me who it was so I decided to bring it up now, it ended up being his close friend/co worker the one he is in group chats with the one who tags him in things on Facebook the one he texts and talks to all the time. She’s in a long term relationship. He said he was just high when he said he was attracted to her and it was blown out of proportion but I am still in rage so bad I want to break something I am seeing red. I sent him an apology text for bothering him about it and told him all the reasons why I cared about him before I came back to my senses and realized I’m not in the wrong for bringing it up I wish I could take that text back I am so mad that I messaged my ex I honestly don’t know what I’m capable of if he replies I’ll probably stay with him tonight, if he’s going to leave me or hurt me then just fucking get it over with I’m not dealing with this anymore.