I'm undiagnosed and I've researched BPD endlessly for the past year and a half and I have it and I just wanna end it all whenever someone is against self diagnosis. I start banging my head against the wall, cutting myself, choking myself, punching myself and sometimes electrocuting myself. I've cut myself to the point it broke the tissue. It's the only way I can release my feelings. The scars and bruises also help me realize that I'm not fine and that I can show them to people who question me. They tell me I;m not real and they think I'm fine and I hate it I;m not fine PLEASE LET ME VENT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I HAVE NO ONE EVERYONE"S TRYING TO TAKE AWAY THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES ME FEEL NORMAL. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED VALIDATION. The only reason I haven't told anyone yet is because I was beaten and told to feel bad about it my entire life, and nobody told me it could be that. I feel so fucking betrayed by all the braindead adults in my life who didn't notice. It's been going on for so long, I'm almost 18 now and it's been going on since I was 5 or 6. I'm so fucking tired of my feelings and the breakdowns and being clingy. It's not fair that I didn't get help. PLEASE TELL ME I'M REAL I HAVE NOBODY. I have social anxiety so I only do this at home. I've never been able to control my thoughts and actions during these breakdowns so no matter what someone tells me it never goes away. It never will go away. I;m beyond help. I can't take it anymore. I'm probably gonna feel guilty and awful after this but right now I just don't care, I just need someone to know so bad. I gave myself a black eye today because I saw an anti-self diagnosis post. They just wanna take away everything they wanna take away my ability to vent and feel normal. They want me to feel isolated and take all my friends away and tell them I'm faking and leak my breakdowns. I don't even know what to do anymore.