Sorry but I can’t even spell the word. But you remember the 1973 classic horror movie? Yep that’s my worst fear.  

I don’t even know when this started probably 3 years ago. Ever since the moment I started having panic attacks, I realized it was my worst fear. But when I mean irrational I really mean it. It has made me enjoy life less, feel suicidal and wanting everything to end. It’s like a phobia. And it doesn’t help that horror movies in this era are almost all about that subject. Whenever I hear the word, the subject, whenever I hear name of the movies, or whenever I see a poster I get anxious. I’ve had nightmares about it. It also didn’t help that I was a very religious person.  

I still believe and i pray that this underwhelming anxiety ends but my fear for it is truly irrational. It’s life stopping, it’s exhaustive. And it’s the only time I’ve ever mentioned it to anyone.  

What do I fear exactly? My worst fear is it happening to me. I’ve never been able to find some comforting information about it because I’m so frightened. 

I know it’s fear but sometimes my anxiety convinces me it’s something else. Does someone have any helpful tips or information?  

I’m already taking medication. And I believe I can get better. But reading stuf about it in the past just makes me think it’s somehow related to mental illness as a whole and it doesn’t help that horror movies contain the so called “based on a true story” taglines.