My family is pretty much done with me, I'm sure they wish I would just disappear. I can't control my emotions sometimes and I just fucking EXPLODE at people, yelling, saying the worst things i can possibly think of, and then regret it all an hour later. I have bipolar, minor aspergers, and maybe even schizophrenic tendencies. For example, if I find ransomware on my computer, which 4chan seems to think I just did when I asked them/showed them a file on my computer with 69 files in it called "Ha\_Ha\_Ha\_unexpected\_files,"(go to my profile, made a post about it) yeah well when that happens, I automatically assume it's someone that I know hacking into my PC. Not important. I don't know where to fucking start to get mental help, I'm pretty sure I still have health insurance, but it's pointless to use because within a year I won't have that insurance anyway. I have no fucking idea what to do or where to start getting help. I'm addicted to a small almost daily dose of benzos(1mg klonopin a day MAX) that I can't tell Doctors about, because it's a family members script and I risk them getting a prescription they've been on for over a decade, taken away from them, and they are dependent on it as well. I just don't know where to start. I fucking flip out over people if they slightly misunderstand who I am or even just belittle me a tiny bit, the smallest thing can make me absolutely EXPLODE. I have spent and entire day destroying everything that was in my bedroom before, which is in my parent's house who I moved back in with recently. I mean I trashed almost anything that I knew to be my personal property. I don't know what the fuck to do. I feel like I could go on forever, but at the same time nothing particular comes to mind. I don't even know what I'm asking for. I'm so sick of hurting people around me, saying the cruelest things, I hate it. I feel guilty for months on end after some of the worse episodes. 

This post is basically a cry for help.