I am in a desperate situation and I really can't get out of it. I feel like I'm too lazy to self improve, I've always thought that if something requires work then I'll put the necessary work into it, but I don't think that's what I do. For example, I've always loved game development but after 5 years of starting and stopping without going anywhere, I realized almost all my work was without proper knowledge of coding and that I've been using a workaround to develop it, I'm not sure if I don't like to work for something or am I just that fucking lazy.

I am a skinny fellow, and I was never insecure about it, but I want to improve my body, so I decided to hit the gym and I didn't enjoy it and having the freedom of choice I think made me lazy and that's my second issue. I am a computer engineer student and the only time i properly study is right after a quiz or the exams, and it is not fun to be pressured.

Being lazy has made me feel useless, I don't leave my house to get some groceries, a 5 minutes walk away because I can call them. I tried entering a sport I like which was kickboxing, but I don't continue past the month due to university and the fear of stopping at a certain point which would make me lose all my progress. I don't ask about people even when I care about them, it doesn't cross my mind to call my friends or family even if I care (they mostly don't either, but that's beyond the point).

I feel like a sloth, I feel like I don't have that usual goal of self-improvement and wanting to be better, I aspire to be better but if it requires physical action then I mostly don't do it. I am getting desperate, and I feel like I don't want to go on anymore, I wanted to not think about it, but I am not going to ignore my flaws for a good couple of days of comfort. I am willing to try, but I'm not sure if I will.

I have never felt this depressed and useless, I’ve always hidden my feelings from myself and only a month ago have I started to think about who I am and what I do and after realizing it, I regret opening up to myself because I’ve found so many things racked up that it got me more depressed because I don’t know how to solve them.