 tl;dr how can I just shut my brain off and get through the next two months of studying?  


Hey all, currently going through a mini freak-out about finals and what-have-you. Realised I think about this question a lot, thought I'd ask you. Also, I'm not currently diagnosed but pretty sure I should look into that when I can.

Aight so basically I can't even finish writing a 400-word essay in one sitting anymore. I feel like homework and studying has become a vicious cycle/ self-fulfilling prophecy situation by now. And that really sucks because I love love love the subjects I work with!! (except like,,, electromagnetism y'all that study that need jesus-) Just, every time I look at a book, I feel like I'm already failing. I feel like what I write won't be good enough. And even though I recognise something is better than nothing, I can't shake the feeling that my something won't be enough and I'll just fail again. And yes exams are not the end of the world but they're my entryway into the life I want to build. And even though I want to work for my dream so bad, I can't get my goddamn behind on my chair and start working.

This is the second year I take my finals, since I failed last year and didn't make it into any unis I wanted. I SHOULD be better at stuff by now. I SHOULD be able to manage things and juggle my schedule a bit better. Maybe I'm just spoiled and expect my dreams to accomplish themselves. This year, because of the lockdown, is a godsend for me, since a) I don't have to go to school anymore and only go to online cramming school so I have 8 more hours in the day, and b) I don't have to leave my house and stress about what to wear and how people will look at me oh are they judging me?? Am i sitting weird? Am I breathing to heavy omg the entire class thinks I'm having an asthma attack or sth. Like holy shit class was so stressful for me even though my fears are completely paranoid.  


My point is, I'm not taking advantage of this year, while I really could. I'm either being lazy or too anxious about failing my exams again or a lil bit of both. How do I deal with these feelings? Or better yet, can I somehow put them aside until June and just get through this?