I feel absolutely crazy writing this but I’m hoping maybe one of you all can relate or explain this nonsense. 

Something I’ve been dealing with for years is subconsciously having my FP’s approval in mind very often. And usually my FP is a man I barely know but would like to have a closer relationship with. And I always feel like if I were more impressive or attractive they would want to get to know me too. 

So it can be something as simple as drinking water and thinking “I wonder if they would find how Im drinking this water right now to be attractive” and then imagine them sitting there watching me. And while I’m looking for a new job right now I catch myself thinking about he would think I was more interesting for working there. Currently my FP is a man who barely even knows I exist honestly. We’ve probably had 5 conversations max over the last 2 years and I feel like I definitely don’t cross his mind at all. 

I do always catch myself and talk myself down from the insanity but it still bothers me that my mind even goes there. Its a constant thing and I feel like my FP owns my thoughts and behaviors. 

Anyone else get this?