Recently diagnosed.

Throughout the years I’ve noticed when people approach me about their negative feelings towards me/my actions I get insanely triggered and react with aggression and anger. 

It makes me feel like a narcissist. Like someone so toxic that no one can comfortably talk to me about their feelings.

I don’t know if it’s because: 
I’m already so hard on myself as it is, 
self esteem issues 
or childhood trauma. 

My boyfriend approached me about something im doing that makes him uncomfortable. He approached me in a reply delicate manner. And I reacted so poorly. Completely blowing up on him, givi him the silent treatment etc. 

I KNOW this behavior is toxic. He’s a great man and doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. Whenever I approach him about something he’s validating and makes me feel reassured. But I can’t give him the same respect back. 

I feel so abusive and my intention is to never ever hurt someone on purpose. But I still find myself doing it. 

It just makes me hate myself and feel so worthless. This illness is the devil.