Maybe it is me. I’m the problem. People help but I never feel better. Just guilty for not feeling better. 

I have so many issues, on top of being trans, and it all just forms a mess that after 25 years I no longer have the energy left to entangle. 

There is no support for me. People say there is as if I haven’t looked?! 
Last night I sort support in all the ways I can. Of 5 hotlines I couldn’t get through to any! 
I dare not burden friends yet again. They are all so busy with their own issues and lives. Rarely if ever do they come to me for help. I don’t want to take and not give. 
The Mh site I used I had to leave cause of transphobia. 
My parents don’t ‘believe’ in mh.

Even posting here is largely pointless. People may try to help, and at best I’ll feel better for a week; then I’ll be back here. Because nothing changes the fact my life is a completely misery. Some will hurl accusations at me, maybe suggest they’ve had it worse, I’m being melodramatic, selfish, lazy, attention seeking; I’ve heard them all. 

I can’t say if I am or aren’t those things. I post here and whine a lot, I have posted this more than one place. So maybe I am all those things. Maybe I am selfish, and maybe I deserve to feel this way. I’ve dealt with all this for 25 years alone though, is it wrong to want to be carried at this stage? 

What I need is real life connections. People who can help me carry these burdens, and who I can help in return. But I’ve looked, I’ve looked everywhere and nothing. 

The worst part is I’m so exhausted I think I’m not just too tired to live, but also too tired to die. 

The only good thing I can see coming of my life is adding my name as a statistic. Maybe another lost will open even one more persons eyes to how little support many of us have.