I've been diagnosed with bpd, ptsd, generalized anxiety disorder. also with ADHD and bipolar 1 diagnoses when I was younger that I'm not sure are accurate. I've stated I'm on the spectrum(autistic) due to research, in detail tests I've taken on autism embrace and such but I'm not even sure if that is correct. I just got sober 10 months ago, and stopped taking all these medications I was prescribed for a long time (been on pills for 14 years) but I can't tell if I'm delayed in processing and having these traits due to severe trauma and being drugged my whole life, telling me I need these pills to be normal, but being off of everything I actually feel more clear headed than ever. I always feel behind from others in all capacities and thought it could be from being on the spectrum but I can't tell if it's due to all my abuse and trauma throughout my entire life (starting at age 3) or I was just born this way. I just stopped taking all medications 60 days ago due to healthcare loss and it made me realize I'm not as "sick" as everyone in my life has been telling me,  but I just can't find any comfort in knowing why I'm the way I am.