I've lost the ability to enjoy anything, for years and years. That hasn't come back. The ability to have hobbies, pursue a goal and achieve it, improve myself, etc is all so needlessly difficult now because I have absolutely no motivation to do anything. I mean, why do it if I'm just apathetic about it? I know. That's not a good reason. But mustering up any sort of motivation these days feels impossible.

I really want to get better, I want to have a life. But I set myself up for failure. I have absolutely no accomplishments in life besides graduating high school I guess, and I'm 23. Everything just seems so hard to do with this impossible task of doing things with no motivation. My life seems meaningless. And I really want to improve and get better, because I have a boyfriend who I love very much. Each and every day I fear he is losing interest in me because I'm so boring, or because I am depressed too often.

I hate this curse that is depression. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I've tried so many meds and therapy. I have tried CBT. Nothing seems to work.