I have a tendency to not be able to let things go if I have no closure or still have unanswered questions about something. If it’s trivial, then no, but something upsetting I can’t. 

My partner struggles to discuss anything difficult and shuts off, this had lead to a lot of things being swept away. For them, not for me. I feel like I can’t bring it up again, because I don’t want to start an argument but also because I know it is going to just cause them to either get upset or angry (at themselves) and it stops the conversation anyway. 

I’ve now told them this, and that it only festers away for me and I’m left still resenting something and unable to move on. My question is really, I’ve fetched this certain topic up that has been ongoing for so long even I tell myself “just get over it, it’s ridiculous”. I mean, it isn’t, it’s something very warranted to be upset about especially that it was never sorted but I’ve started ticking really badly. I think about them rolling their eyes at me bringing something up again or that I’m being stupid, it can be with anything if I think I’m being stupid or people thinking that of me. It’s like a tick. 

I’ll think about something and my whole body cringes very physically and I tense up for a few seconds. Or my face will scrunch up involuntarily and I’ll make a stupid face and make a noise most of the time it’s an outburst of “fuuck” or an “argh”, or my head will slam into my shoulder almost like a cold shudder. I can hold it in around people, my main issue is what people think of me, so when I’m alone or driving alone it’s getting really bad. Is this a BPD thing? I haven’t seen it before. I’ve done it most of my adult life, and it’s making me feel like I’m actually going insane and when my anxiety is bad, it’s really prominent.