My ex who it took years to move 80% on from, ruining my life in the process, is doing really well for himself. I want to be happy for him, want more success for him/his businesses but over the last few months since finding out about how well he is doing I feel like my brain is constantly coming of ways he might fail or thinking he might not be happy etc. The thing is though, these thoughts feel totally separate to what I want to feel. As my brain thinks “if he failed, this is how he would have to end things from a business perspective” I fight back with “why are you thinking like this? he will be successful and happy and make a lot of money like you always believed in him to do when you were together, stop being a hateful, jealous b*tch.” 
It’s getting exhausting fighting intrusive and somehow foreign feelings in my mind. Obviously I am thinking these negative things, but I really don’t want to and it’s not conscious at all.