I keep drinking to forget and I was always the person that hated alcohol and only drank socially. Now I find myself going out every night, smoking every day; I have to be high or drunk to cope. I just don’t know how to get out of this cycle. My mind just goes so fast when I’m sober that it makes me sick. I know I need to stop because addiction runs in the family and I will go down the same path. I just have no idea what the fuck I’m doing anymore. I just want everything to be okay. How can I even stop this? My mom is on her death bed dying of cancer and I have to leave at night and go out; I can’t stand the sound of the oxygen machine pumping because it makes the reality sink in even more. Fuck.