Hello! This is my first Reddit post, and it's a pretty lengthy one, I apologize... I just really needed a place to vent this out.

&amp;#x200B;

**In short**: I'm currently a Junior in high school, and online school has basically amped up my anxiety to the point where the thought and sound of school is enough to make me feel afraid and anxious. I've been struggling with motivation and work, and I'm too anxious to message any of my teachers or talk to anyone about it. I'm going to fail this semester and I don't know what to do.  If you wanna read the full thing below, feel free:

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I've always been pretty introverted, and I've always loved staying home and having the ability to just chill by myself. During the beginning of this pandemic, and the news of school moving online, I was honestly thrilled. I expected it to be a lot easier, I'd be able to work on my own time, move at my own pace, all in the comfort of my own home. Last year (my Sophomore year of high school), I didn't mind the online work whatsoever. It was a little uncomfortable, but I managed. The work wasn't too difficult, I felt I had enough time to do everything, and things still felt relatively normal for me.

 However, up comes my Junior year of high school, and things took a complete 180. Both of my parents now had to work from home, and I had to work in my room. On top of this, my school started using Canvas, which I thought was going to be fine at first. It is now almost the end of the second quarter, and I haven't been able to motivate myself at all. I failed all my classes last quarter, and I'm basically failing all my classes again. 

My 7 classes barely have any Zoom meetings, and if there are Zoom meetings, they're either for class rules, or review (however this is a very rare occurrence). And even when there are Zoom meetings scheduled, I never attended them (besides about 2 at the beginning of the year). The ones I didn't attend were due to the fact that our teachers wanted us to have our cameras and mics on, and the thought of it all sent me into a spiral of panic. I couldn't bring myself to join, and I instead ended up curled up in my bed, balling my eyes out and feeling horrible. But, due to the fact that there's barely any Zoom meetings, I've never had a chance to interact with any of my new teachers, or peers, and that's also added on to my fear of school, I don't know anyone at all.

 I've always struggled with social anxiety, and I've never been able to ask questions in class due to the fear of myself sounding stupid or for fear of the teacher getting frustrated with me. However, at least at physical school, I could have some sort of interaction with most of my teachers, and I could muster up some courage to at least say hello and bye, and ask a question or two here once every blue moon. But now, I can't bring myself to even send a simple email or message to any of my teachers. The thought of messaging my teachers makes me break down into a panic attack, and I end up shaking and breathing irregularly. Every time I see a message notification on Canvas, I also break down into a panic attack, not being able to bring myself to even open up my notifications due to sheer fear of what the message may contain. I can't look at my grades without breaking down, because I already know how bad the damage is.

 I know my parents were incredibly upset and disappointed with me last quarter, and I know they will be again. I have no motivation to do anything, and I often end up staring at the Canvas dashboard instead of working on any assignments. So much work piles up in so little time and it just stresses me out even more. Every time I see that an assignment gets 'locked' I just get more and more unmotivated to do anything. My s/o has been trying to help me through this and motivate me, but nothing is getting through. I spend my days procrastinating and running away from my work instead of actually doing it.

 I despise being in my own room, and looking at my own laptop because all I can think about is school. I hate being at home, my own environment makes me uncomfortable. I physically no longer feel comfortable in my own room, and I don't have anywhere else to work since my home is relatively small and we don't have a lot of rooms. Just logging in for attendance everyday makes me feel stressed, looking at Canvas and the ton of notifications I get every week makes me feel scared. 

When I went to school physically, I could manage myself. I had structure, my motivation was simply to go home and chill. I had some friends,  a solid working environment, where I at least knew some of the people around me, I had that structure. At home, there's nothing. Even when we were on break for Christmas and New Years, all I could think about was all the work I had to do when we came back.

 Now it's the last week before the end of this semester. And I've done nothing. I'm going to fail all my classes for this semester, despite saying I would work harder this time around. Every time I think about it, I feel like throwing up, and I feel dizzy, and I can't breathe properly. My anxiety was always a nagging issue prior to online school, but now it's just gotten even worse. I feel like nothing's working, and I'm terrified of what's going to happen.

 I feel really alone, and I never tell anyone anything before it's too late. At this point it's too late to ask for extra credit, it's too late to turn in any of those locked assignments, and I feel like none of my teachers would give me the time of day, or listen to me since I haven't done much of anything in any of their classes for the past few months.

 I know I'm not a failure, and I know I can manage to get past all of this, but my anxiety and stress just takes over most of the time and I end up having no idea what to do with myself. I feel like a complete failure. We have midterms despite me not being prepared for any of them, I just can't learn or grasp anything, I don't even feel like I'm in school anymore; and knowing that I'll have to do this all over again for the rest of the year makes me feel even more helpless. 

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Thank you if you read this all, honestly. I was really anxious about sharing this, so knowing someone out there is willing to sit down and read this all is- pretty comforting. I'd appreciate any feedback or advice anyone can provide. Have a good day everyone!