Hi, I dont even know I just want to rant 

just a lot of waves of sadness lately is so hard to take everything. My parents scolded me a lot for not being open enough. not talking enough, always being in my room, always distant. They said that I wasnt like that when I was little. First of all, do they imagine the emotional trauma they caused me? the amount of disapointment and fear they installed in me? They say for me to open up but I know they r gonna dismiss my depression. They r gonna dismiss my anxiety. Talking about mental health to them is like talking to a wall there is no point. I am not good at talking to people at all, I really cant open up and to be honest sometimes I really dont care at all about what people have to say to me. I just feel like it doesnt matter, or that, it wont be worth anything

I cant do anything. I feel like I keep disapointing God. My mental state makes me wanna drink. It makes me wanna distract myself with harmfull things. I feel so worthless. Like there is really no point

I am good at an instant and on the other I just wanna disappear I dont wanna do anything ever.  But there r some moments that the little things make me stay. I really just wanna stay iin bed all day. For a few days, just, do notthing really. Just sleep. 

I wanna be alone for a while. I am always around people it is so... I just wanna be alone. Like, really alone.