Hello everyone, I would like to say thank you for those people reading and sorry if this feels like a venting kind of post.

I am an 18m and I have been struggling to keep my art part of my life. For a very long time I wanted to somehow fit this puzzle into my life, and maybe somehow add other things to it. But for a long time, i've been acclimating art with anxiety or fear. Yes i know it is weird let me explain what i mean. There were times in art classes that i was so tense i ended up enduring panic attacks, i think the reason for it is a form of performance anxiety. I do suffer from anxiety already, so it wouldn't be anything new.

I've been trying for a good 2 years but i just feel like it is just hopeless. I do not understand when people say art is calming. I do not know how people express themselves in the art, when I try to express my emotions, I just get caught up about how it is not looking good and just become angry, scribbling onto the paper. I keep doing the cycle for many times and tbh I'm tired of it. I want to feel like I want to understand what that happiness is but I just do not know where to go from here.

I know art is not easy, never was never will be. So I might be saying a lot of idiotic stuff and I'm sorry about that. So my question is, what do you think I should do? How can I no be so anxious about drawing or just making art.