For years I have questioned why I can’t just be like others, why I flutter around from job to job, college major to major, friends, relationships at 28 years old. Why do I *love* this person but also fucking *hate* them. I had to grow up really fast, my dad was abusive, I became an alcoholic (in recovery 2 years now! one life change I am proud of). I still don’t feel like I have anything together. I feel like I’m a child existing in an adult body 90% of the time. I worry that my husband will leave me because I eventually always force people out. I’m writing this and ranting because it is interesting to me to say these things to people who might understand. I just wish I could maintain some sort of balance. When I am happy I try to appreciate it as best I can because I know it won’t last. That’s the hardest part. I am never consistently happy. 

When I was young I used to say that I could work with most parts of the diagnosis because it allows me to feel things in ways others don’t. Most people will never feel love the way a person with BPD does, at the same time, most people will never feel hate the way a person with BPD does. 

I’m glad I found you guys- 