warning for substance abuse

this is not going to be very coherent. i can barely remember what the hell i’ve been doing for the past few days. i wish there was more to say than this. i guess i just need to vent because i dont have access to therapy. 

i was just told that my brother is terminally ill, but that was last week. i have been binge drinking and spending money on useless crap i think for the past few days? i spent over a thousand dollars, totally blew my savings. i also broke my school computer. i ended up on a plane to a different state too. i’m staying with my partner now thank goodness but wow everything is a blur. 

i’m debating checking myself into a hospital. i’m not in active crisis anymore though. i’m coming back to reality for sure, definitely enough to feel the post-episode regret. i am completely shattered inside and i don’t even know what i’m posting for. support? tips to get back on track? i wish my brain could handle tragedy in a more productive way