Long story short: I was diagnosed with MS last year and then my dog died and then my boyfriend broke up with me and then I moved to a new place where I have no support system and then my ex started dating someone new publicly and after I was forced to go cold turkey on my meds for a month and harassing him on multiple forms of social media, I had a nervous breakdown and went to a mental hospital.

I went on medical leave for a bit and have been recovering for the past couple of months. I'm doing better mostly but still really just struggling. I feel angry at him a lot. I feel like he tricked me. I feel like he doesn't care about me and probably never did. He's enjoying this new relationship and is supported by tons of people and I have no one. Whether it's fair or not, I feel like he's a dick for what he did to me. I'm furious at him and at everyone who associates with him. I found the twitter of a friend of his where they're loudly an advocate for disability rights and retweets things from disabled people about the misconceptions about us. I feel like screaming at her. Like, what a fucking joke. I'm furious at his family and their fakeness, all over this new girl's social media. I feel like I was just disposable, just replaced so easily and thoughtlessly. I'm furious at this new girl for just mindlessly dating someone like him, who has done what he's done, with no conscious about it. I'm angry. I might not have a right to be, i don't know, but I am.

I have so much extreme social anxiety that meeting people in my new town feels impossible. I hate myself too much. I feel like I am nothing more than an inconvenience. I have nothing to offer anyone and meeting people will just expose me more to that reality when they inevitably reject me. People in my new town are creative and busy and interesting and i'm just nothing. I'm just a big fucking nothing. And if I talk to them, they'll know.

I am filled with fear about my illness and anger about him. That's all i seem to feel anymore. I feel it so much that I feel like i can't do anything else. I just lay in bed and feel it. Meanwhile, he's living his best life. With all of this support. Everyone just thinks i'm a crazy bitch. I deserve this. I hate him. I hate all of them.