Today is my birthday but I went through a breakdown moment. I'm drowned in this feeling for a long time. I thought I already got over it, I'm strong enough not to care about how other people treat me or feel about me. But today I feel this horrible feeling again. I was rejected, respect from others and support from the environment I live in is just a bubble and hilarious lie. Nobody really "hears" or "sees" me. All my opinions are just ignored and rejected before they can be heard by others. They treat me like this all the time.

I feel I don't have any sense of dignity here. I hate being rejected, being neglected. I know someone might suggest I should blame the situation on myself, and I'm the only reason that causes all the problems... but that's what I have been doing all the time, question myself, blame myself, distrust myself, just like what other people do to me. And "self-reflection"just pushed me into lack of confidence and self-hatred. And once others see this kind of self-loathing and self-doubt in me, they will get more and more ignorant of my feelings and my voices...