My wife is a self-identified child of a mother with BPD and I suspect she may also have BPD.  We have been married for 14 years and honestly, it's been tough. Lots of ups and downs. I knew her childhood was very hard (emotionally and sometimes physically abusive mother) but until recently when her therapist suggested it, she had never discussed BPD as a specific issue. I'm very new to this but as her spouse, our marriage has been extremely hard on me and her and I feel like I'm playing a game a whack-a mole. I feel like she is never happy for long and there is always another problem, another concern and I can't get to a stable place in my marriage. She is more and more unhappy each day and she says she doesn't feel love from me. That's certainly not how I feel and it feels like no matter what, she will never be happy with me or herself. I don't want to lose her but we have two kids and it's taking a serious mental toll on me. 

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I would really appreciate any help for where I should start, what I should read or how to address this. She is in therapy but won't talk about it with me and we are in couples therapy but she has never discussed any of this with our mutual therapist.  Where do I start? I had a very stable childhood and no drama so I have no experience with this. I want to be supportive but I also can't like this forever. It sucks for me and I'm sure it's even harder for her. Thanks for reading!