I feel as if though my identity is steeped in trauma. I hate reintroducing myself to people bc even basic questions just seem hard to answer without telling someone something that could trigger them or me. I don’t like being alone bc I’ve never had a support system and my thoughts can get really dark. My brain is severely developmentally delayed due to years of neglect, emotional abuse, isolation, and bullying at home, school, and work. I’ve navigated everything by myself and could be considered “independent” but I know it’s just a trauma response and that you need people/community to thrive. But I have yet to find a place where I’m “unconditionally loved.” I’m not sure if my thoughts, reactions, or feelings towards a situation are ever justified or my BPD forcing me to overanalyze everything. I can tell I’m becoming a burden to everyone around me and that I’m starting to relapse severely despite attempts to reach out for help.
I’m at a loss.