I really like this sub.  I feel connected to a group of people that understand the battle with intense emotions and the feelings of inadequacy in relationships and the struggle with loneliness.

I was diagnosed BPD about 2 years ago when I started therapy at the age of 42 (male.) I knew I needed therapy because one of my FP's (a term I didn't know then) had committed suicide and my emotions with my current FP were way too intense.

I've been in the same job for 15 years.  I successfully got my degree as an adult. I've had friendships that have lasted for more than 20 years.   I engage a small circle of friends and even though I sometimes don't feel validated, I don't "split" on people (at least not outwardly.).  Thanks to therapy, I have an established sense of who I am and what my opinions and likes are and those have stayed fairly consistent across time.   I don't struggle with thoughts of suicide and I don't struggle with self harm (cut.)

I've never been in a romantic relationship though for more than six months and that's only happened twice.   

I don't rage in relationships.   I'm not saying I don't have rage but it's directed inward, like at myself.   When I struggle in relationships I  usually feel that it's my fault for not standing up for myself or for not being a better friend.  

I struggle with feeling alone and I do feel very lonely at times.   I do make poor financial and sexual decisions.   And I tend to over-react to real or perceived criticisms.    It's very important to me to be liked.   All of that applies X 2 when it comes to my FP.   Basically very co-dependent which is a known issue for me and something I'm working on.

Please know that I'm not judging myself better than anyone else because I don't have some of these symptoms I hear other people talking about.   

Maybe my symptoms are a result of my age and therefore manifest differently?    I've heard some talk about "quiet borderlines" and I don't know if that fits for me?   I've also just recently read some stuff on vulnerable narcissism which kinda struck a chord with me (Yikes!!) 

I accept my overall BPD diagnosis, I'm just aware that my struggles may not fit into the stereotypical BPD box.    None of my friends that I've shared my diagnosis with will accept it.   I appreciate their input but they really don't understand my emotional intensity because it's all internal. I'm aware that the disorder is on a spectrum with varying degrees of functionality associated with each level.   

Just looking for input from people and their experience.   Maybe people who understand my particular slant on BPD.