why do i fall in love with abusive and toxic people. i just want to feel safe and loved. i dont want to be alone. im incredibly self aware and high functioning (unless in fights, then im a sobbing mess but honestly i just want the fight to stop) that i give everyone enough space. im honest with my feelings and open to talking about anything. im not the jealous type. im loyal and try my best to be a good person. i want to see the good things in everything and people always say im too kind or naive. i sacrifice so much. i know this. but i love with all my heart. and its pure. and the only thing ive ever wanted was to feel loved in return. at least a bit. and i get shouted at. belittled and name called. i apparently cant do anything right. i hate myself. why do i love people like this? why cant i leave them? i know it would be better. but the thought of leaving makes me nauseous. i love them. i really do. why do i do this to myself. im so tired and ashamed 