(Apology for spelling and grammar. I’m just writing my thoughts and am probably not doing that great at it.)


I hate hate hate hate hate showering and all that goes with. I shower about once a week, and only then, because my parents force me to. I know this is bad and gross but I just can never make myself shower it’s so difficult. It’s worrying my parents so that my mum has asked if anything has happened to me in a shower before (I think she means on the lines of assault) which no nothing has. She’s also been asking me if it’s an anxious thing or just being lazy. I think it’s both but mostly the latter. I used to cut a lot in the shower so I think that’s got a tiny bit to do with it, but I genuinely feel mostly that I’m just not bothered to go through all the effort it takes. 

Only washing myself once a week includes only washing my hair once a week, and my hair is not the type that only needs a once a week washing. My greasy hair is probably the most notable thing that anyone sees and my mum always comments on it. I genuinely don’t believe I smell as no one has mentioned it (and my family and friends both are the type that would - not in a mean way) but I still get rlly worried about it. The one hygienic thing I do do on a daily basis is wearing deodorant, because it’s easy, so I think this helps. Hopefully. 

Also it’s more the getting in to the shower that is the hard bit. When I’m in I just zone out entirely and stay in for an hour. Then air dry with a towel wrapped around me lying on the floor for another hour usually. But this does not mean I enjoy any of the experience. 

I prefer baths but I tend to shower as I have to wash my hair so that solution just isn’t practical. 

I hardly ever brush my teeth mostly because I forget. Every school day I remember to in the mornings as it is part of my routine, but nights, weekends and holidays are really bad. I only remember if I someone mentions going to brush their teeth or if they ask if I have done mine yet.  This is probably one of the worst ones as dental care supposedly sucks but I have been lucky enough to never have had to do anything for my teeth. 

I also struggle to change clothes. Unless I go out, and even sometimes when I do, I only change clothes once a week or even once a fortnight. This is awful and I do start to spell at the end of it, but as I’m just at home I don’t care. The worst thing out of everything however, is I also tend to not change underwear every day as well. Really bad I know. Usually I change them more frequently than my clothes, at least twice a week, but still bad. 

As a girl, the norms of shaving armpits and legs I’ve completely given up on as that would just be another task to add to for my showers that are already hard enough (along with the fact that I have to retrieve and return the razor.)

It’s also bad when I’m on my period, I’m currently on the pill so I usually skip it but when I don’t, like it’s really bad. If anything it’s possibly worse when I’m on my period because I hate dealing with it so I don’t even change my pads more than once a day. I hate how I do that the most, as it’s literally old gross blood in your underwear. 

As the non conventional sufferer of poor hygiene (a thin teenage girl) I feel really ashamed, but I still can’t bring myself to do these things. It’s quite embarrassing and I can’t talk to anyone about it. 

I have adhd and depression along with my anxiety, and supposedly some people with those experience a similar thing, so they are potentially a reason. 

Thanks for bearing with me. Any advise or help is welcome and wanted, but please don’t tell me that it’s gross, as I know that, or to “just shower”, as it’s not that easy.