I came out to my family in November and since then no one has bothered to ask for a preferred name or pronouns. I no longer talk to my dad unless it’s out of necessity. He kept interrupting me when I came out and complained about how I never tell the family about things. I was super insulted by that and how he seemed to have taken me being transgender as a joke. The few times we’ve talked are hostile and uncomfortable. He thinks I’m still a guy and that I’m lazy for quitting a job out of stress and not being able to handle working at a bank with multiple shootings. He didn’t take me seriously even when I was diagnosed with major depression in the past. Mom is the only person who kind of cares? I’ve hung out with her more since coming out but she still has issues with me being trans. Not to mention my inability to effectively communicate with her since her English is poor. Brother is one of those dude bros that doesn’t care but won’t do anything to be considerate or supportive (we’ve had a really rough relationship for most of our lives). Being trans, taking hormones, it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve made and I feel a lot better about my self esteem than ever before but holy shit having almost zero family support hurts. 

Right now I’m trying to find a job and it’s been harder than usual. I can’t help but imagine being trans has been a factor. Would really love family support to get through this. My partners &amp; friend circle are the only ones that seem to give a shit right now and I’m glad the latter has gotten bigger since I started Hormone Replacement Therapy but damn family is important to me. I’ve always wanted my family to be more loving since I was a kid. There have been nights where I just spiral in my thinking and reduce myself to tears. Every night before bed I think about death. I’m in my mid-to-late twenties, have a bachelor’s in history, been doing only customer service jobs. It feels like I’m a setting myself up for failure in the future.

Holy shit I want to get out of these hole. I want the anxiety, the pain, and the uncertainty to stop.