Here’s how my day went: 
- Ate a few almonds for breakfast because I have been starving myself for the past 4 days because I hate how I look and I want to slim down because I want to look like other people that are skinnier, even though I know starving myself isn’t how I will achieve that and I know that physical appearance is the least interesting thing about someone 
- I went to the therapist, cried like a fucking baby, talked about how my week was shit because I starved myself for the first time in three years 
- I left the appointment light hearted and happy because I got this out and I was feeling hopeful 
- I walked back home (took 2h30) and I was really fucking happy because I love walking and smiling at strangers and saying hi, it was a beautiful day out and life was great, I screamed at the top of my lungs (in the woods) how much I loved life and how much I loved myself 
- I came back home, ate a nutritious lunch, I was home alone so I listened to music really loud, danced and sang, I was feeling happy 
- I wanted to do laundry but didn’t feel like it anymore so I watched a movie instead and binged on candies and felt like vomiting because it was way too much
- I calmed down on food and watched another movie
- I ate dinner
- I went to the park with my friend to help her with her homework but I did it all for her and she was on her phone all the time, I binged once more because we had candies and chips so I felt like vomiting again because I ate way too much
- I drove back home and cried all the way, shouting the songs that were playing literally screaming my lungs out while driving, thought about how dangerous that was and about how if someone saw me I would be in a mental hospital as I’m writing that, then I had a monologue out loud about how I hated myself and how I wish I *wasn’t here* 
- Now I’m back home about to fuck up my sleep schedule by watching movies to make me feel like love exists and it can happen to me

I know what I’m saying is completely irrational and half of what I’m thinking is my brain making things up, but I still have these thoughts so I wanted to let them out so I can move on and live a happy life :)))))))4$5&amp;5&amp; thanks