So im at bit of a loss here, i may or may not have BPD or i might just have very extreme jealousy. I try to control and manipulate my spouse by not letting her do things. I know what im doing is very wrong but i couldn't stop myself. Things got very bad one day and i ended up yelling at her and i got sent to the hospital.

After my visit we both agreed i had to go home as i havent seen my family in about almost 2 years. We would have taken that time to think about things. It was a way to get space from each other, and i didnt do that. She told me i was being clingy and i guess that wasnt a problem for me cause i kept messgeing her. I had another mini outburst at her and she told me she wanted to end things and i havent been ok ever since. Ive been crying almost ever day, wishing death on myself, almost doing it a couple of times, giving myself scars. Its getting to a boiling point to where i dont know if i can take it anymore.

I still wanna try and get her back even though she is saying i should move but... i just cant i love her to much and i just think to let all our progess go to waste like that? We've been together since late 2018 and we were engaged. I wanna make things right between us and i wanna get her back. Any advice?

Sorry if this is in the wrong subreddit, I'll delete it if need be