TW: Suicidal Ideation

I just need some help or advice or something, I'll take anything at this point.

Long story short, I am just sick of life. I'm sick of trying and failing, not having the energy to change and make better decisions and just generally of existing in a broken world where there are so many issues. If I'm not feeling tired, anxious or depressed about my own issues, I'm despairing over the state of the world we live in (mainly the various political issues and social injustices). I think there is no point in trying anymore and to continue living would be torture.

But having said all that, I don't know where to go from here. My thoughts of committing suicide have become more frequent and I'm thinking more seriously about the possibility of doing it, I just don't think I have the balls to follow through (which I hate myself for, being so weak). I don't think anyone is taking me seriously or even knows what to do with me. I thought I could rely on my mum who has been through severe depression herself but she just doesn't understand and isn't showing as much empathy or compassion as I thought she would. I also feel guilty because I'm supposed to be an adult but actually I still "run to my mummy" when I need help. There are no therapy or counselling services in my area that are good, available or cheap enough and the GPs are just moving me from medication to medication or changing doses when I tell them it's not working. And so I go back to being tired by all of this, not wanting to try and sort it out because what's the point. No one else wants to sort it out so why should I? It's a vicious circle that I don't see a way out of. I don't even need to be happy anymore, I just want to be okay.

I don't particularly want encouragement to "keep going" or "just think about the future" because who knows, it might get worse yet! I just wanted to know if anyone else feels like this or has previously felt like this and gotten over it. I don't know, I just needed to share with people who I feel might understand better than anyone else.