I'm mentally exhausted, so I'll give brief details about everything.

In February, my then girlfriend and I broke up. There were a lot of things I did that made me recognize I needed help. It took my family, friends and her all saying it to realize I wasn't in the right spot.

I went to therapy a minimum of 2 times a week, sometimes 3-4 for about 2 months. My therapist suggested BPD as one of the things potentially going on. However he was quick to say that I am definitely showing traits of BPD and that it can overlap with other mental disorders and issues. He asked me to try somethings to help me and said that even if we're not dealing with this directly that if it helps, it will help a lot of these other things. It greatly helped and after awhile I stopped going to therapy because I felt I wasn't benefiting from it anymore.

I honestly felt like I was in amazing point after felt like I was handling things a lot better. My girlfriend and I got back together and I told her that I'm not formerly diagnosed but these things were helping me so either way I know I am dealing with something in this spectrum.

Things kind of fell backwards over time and I started handling things worse and worse. And about a month ago we broke up and I sought therapy again. Now 3 sessions in, I can say I am diagnosed with BPD.

I have the full faith that I can get to a better state again, even though I feel completely devastated and hate myself for what I am and what I've done to my relationship. But I don't think she'll ever understand and I don't think she cares to understand anymore after .

She told me I should have stuck through therapy and gotten more help so it didn't fall backwards. And that kills me because i know no matter how much help i get, I'm always going to have the potential to fall back down. Doesn't matter what I have, we all fall back down sometimes. My therapist said if I felt like I was ready to be done for now, then it made sense to let things be for now.

I just fucking hate this all and wanted to rant.