Hey ! This is my first post here, I just got diagnosed two years ago . My therapists actually told me about this page . I guess none of that is important. I’ve been off my meds sense ... I’ve been prescribed idk why I feel like I just can’t take them . Like subconsciously, does anyone else have this problem ?  Anyways my mother past away last week and I’m struggling to deal , I believe she’s one of the main reasons I have the trauma that gave me BPD but at the same time I know she loved me and would do anything for me . I think she had BPD too but idk she never went to therapy , I’m just constantly switching between like her being my fav person ( because she was for majority of my life ) and hating her . So now that she’s dead I go through huge moments of sadness of regret , and of self punishment because I feel like it’s my fault , and then I go through relief now that she’s gone . Which makes me guilty and then I’m depressed . I don’t know how to cope ? Does anyone have any tips ? I’m in the middle of my sophomore year in college and can’t continue to be glued to my bed . 
Thanks