Do you guys ever get so sad and want to cry because of yourself and your own actions? 

Like, my behavior and choices are hurting my rational side of self, but I still can’t control it. 

I do things I would NEVER be proud of doing. I literally will be like, “don’t do xyz,” and then I still do it. I cannot control my actions at times even when I try to fight so hard to not do it. 

I hate that I consciously know that I don’t want to do something. It’s awful. It’s like I’m watching myself follow out a choose and then I come back to rationalization AFTER it’s over. Then, I’m completely horrified and disgusted with myself. 

If anyone has any advice or coping mechanisms for this kind of thing, I would love that!