I went for a job interview and after all the introductions (which was absolutely fine! I was so confident and smooth as f) they began the formal interview. And I absolutely shat myself. I was shaking and none of my answers made sense. The questions were typical, like my career experience, what skills I possess, blah blah.. I’ve been studying these answers all week and still messed everything up. Towards the end they began to flat out tell me how difficult the role could get and if I could handle it, how do I deal with conflict etc. I could see them roll their eyes at my answers. I wanted to cry. Afterwards I felt like I’d just wasted everyone’s time. Idk why I am like this. After I left the building and calmed myself down, I ordered a corn dog and just walked around the park with my head held high, but inside I was crying. I enjoy faking that I’m put together and fine, walking around like nothing can phase me because I know deep down I’m fucking shit and I know it. I just don’t want anything one else to know. Idk. I don’t know how to describe how I am. On the one hand I feel powerful, I have these ideas and dreams. But I’m never brave enough to peruse anything. I graduated 5 years ago in creative arts and have a beautiful portfolio. But i lasted a week in my first design job. And I couldn’t even tell you why. I just panicked EVERYDAY of that week I dry heaved in the morning. When I went to resign even my boss asked me why. Everything was going great and she was so bewildered. I’m in a desk job doing remedial tasks. I like it because I’m alone most of the time. But is this really what I envisioned? I idk. I keep thinking I need and want something more, bjt when I attempt to dream it big, I just regress. I think I know deep down that I’m simple, and my life and my work should therefor be simple. Sometimes that scares me. And I guess that’s why I applied for a job I wasn’t suited for. Why I went to an interview and embarrassed myself. I’m such a joke. X