I’ve been depressed since late 4th grade, and it really kicked in at the start of 5th grade and got worse. In 6th grade it got so bad I resorted to self harm. I wanted to get help so I showed my mom and she just got mad at me for doing it. She took me to the doctors but my doctor is basically useless because all she did was force me to get my blood drawn and said it was due to the lack of vitamin D. Sure I do lack it, but that’s not the reason why I feel like this. I‘ve been trying to find a therapist that isn’t shitty that our insurance will cover but so far theres no luck. I tried talking to my mom about letting me see someone but long story short it lead to her calling ME mentally abusive for not wanting to be touched, and threatening to leave me and my dad as she ran out of my room throwing a hissy fit. It happened just a few days ago and thinking about it I keep wanting to say it was just a terrible dream even though it was real. Her calling me mentally abusive has just repeated in my head constantly and eventually lead to my relapse and worsened my already troublesome self destructive behavior. I told my mom about being depressed and she just kept denying it and saying it was my lack of vitamin D and I need to stop looking at symptoms of things I don’t have. She knows I’ve felt this way since 5th grade because in my conversation with her about therapy I brought it up. My mom always says I can tell her anything but no, my suicidal thoughts and self harm is because of me not going outside because the constant gaslighting I endure and the multiple bad traumatic experiences that happened to me at such a young age in a happy environment has zero effect on me. I just wish I wasn’t treated like I’m 5 because my trauma and mental illness is real, and not “normal teen things” and not my lack of a single vitamin. I just wanna get help because my depression and psychosis are getting worse.