It seems no matter how much progress I make I will always be exhausting and overwhelming to my husband. The more self aware I become the more I am aware of the fear of abandonment that drives me. So I have been trying to be very up front with asking for my needs. "I need your attention right now" "I need some love" "could you give me some reassurance" "this thing that happened between us is really hurting me" "I need you to please stop doing this thing because it hurts me" etc. I also have been asking "is there anything I can do for you" "is there anything you need from me that you feel you aren't getting" "what could I do that would help you feel like you want to spend more time together" and other things. But it seems like the more I try "healthy communication" the more fed up with me he is. He says he is sick of talking about emotions. When I cry he feels like "here we go again" (his words). He is pushing me away and I'm trying so hard to talk it out rationally. I don't know what more I can do other than just pretend to be fine at all times. I can't get rid of the pain inside of me, I've almost completely stopped lashing out but all the feelings are still there. I try to explain how painful it is and how hard I am trying but that seems to make him angry too. 

I think maybe I need to be more self sufficient and not need him to reassure or comfort me but I don't know how in the world to do that??? I'll be bringing it up to talk over woth my therapist but right now I'm just lying awake wondering what the heck can I do to change this situation.