Early twenties, suffer from anxiety (GAD) MDD, and PTSD. Although it’s extremely debilitating at times, I know for most, it shouldn’t be an excuse. However my anxiety is so bad with working that I’ve had so many jobs. I’m getting to the point where I feel like I’ll never be normal. In personal life, I’m outgoing, bubbly, all that jazz and the jobs I did maintain, say great things about me yet I can’t get out of this job hopping cycle.

I’ve had 30 jobs, some a day, some 1 month but no longer than 2 months within the past couple of years. My anxiety is so bad at jobs that I just get overwhelmed, paranoid and I’ll call out but then I’ll avoid going back in hence me quitting and repeating… idk why this started but it’s keeping me down. Every time I think “ok this is really the one, I’ll break my cycle” I never do. Im feeling extremely low and having low thoughts because I don’t know if there’s hope for me? I stopped working in customer service because that was a big trigger but still I keep losing good jobs that didn’t even have much interaction so I know it’s my own self, not the jobs at this point.

I’ve started a new job and within 2 weeks, I’ve missed 5 days and I can’t stop feeling like I need to start over. I feel an immense amount of guilt, my manager called me out already, I know she’s over me, and I can’t blame her. I almost didn’t go in today but I did. But I can’t help feel that I’m wasting their time by being unreliable. 3 of those 5 days, I was sick but tbh I could have went but my depression overpowers my responsibilities. I haven’t seen my manager yet until Tuesday and I can feel the disgust with me already. I rather leave first than feel embarrassed daily around my colleagues. I truly feel Invaluable and it’s making me just want to not be alive. How many times will I keep repeating the same thing? I’m on meds and been in therapy for years and I believe I am just broken. Is there hope? Should I call it quits and really start fresh?