So for a bit of context…my very first boyfriend has been with his current girlfriend for 6 months and she is 4 months pregnant.

Ever since they announced she’s pregnant, I can’t stop thinking about it and ruminating about how he used to tell me that he wanted me to be the mother of his children. The thing is though, I’ve not thought about him in a long time. I had got through my grieving process for the relationship a while ago (we were together off and on for 2 years which started 5 years ago) and had moved past it knowing it wasn’t going to happen again..at the time we were only just 18 and hadn’t really figured ourselves out properly let alone a relationship with each other. When I got arrested once for possession, got the person I was arrested with to phone this guy first and when I was bailed I phoned him and he told me to drive straight to him to make sure I was okay.

I’m happy for him to finally become a dad since he has always wanted to be one, he loves his nieces and if he is as good of a dad as he is an uncle then both his child and now girlfriend are very lucky people. I have been diagnosed with BPD but it was after our relationship ended but I’m certain it had a big part in how I treated him and also the reason it ended so now I’m feeling pretty down about the whole thing and I just hope I’m not just being an absolute bitch because of how I’m feeling about something I should have gotten over by now (even though I thought I had)