It's like my brain creates an idea of what an "ideal" person is in my mind - and that person conveniently has all of the traits that I don't. Social, loves partying and drinking, athletic, etc. How nice of you, brain! That won't send me down a spiral of self hatred. 

I just feel like nothing, man. I never went to parties. Never socialised. Each conversation and social interaction feels like me messing up one after another. Social cues feel like some kind of ancient wizardry that I am the only person to have not learnt. I don't have any interesting qualities; at this point the most interesting thing about me is that I spend all my time pacing up and down my room thinking about nothing. 

I feel like I've dug myself into my own pit. Any kind of support would be appreciated here, even if it's just letting me know that I'm not alone in feeling like this.