Just realized that I’ve been dealing with this shit feeling since before I even had words to describe it.   Definitely had to do with chaos I was born into so I feel like it’s just hard wired into my nervous system.  Despite the crippling choke hold it’s had over me my entire life - I managed to create a pretty successful life for the most part.  I somehow managed to keep the “anxiety” beast under control after 40 years.  But still - every once in a while (not as bad as it used to be) it comes roaring back.  Right before I have an important very visible thing to do for work - the monster slams me down and I’m paralyzed.  My brain stops working, my heart pounds for hours and I just freeze…fail.  Anxiety is the curse of my life.