My SO has been so patient with me through my journey through therapy, changes in behaviors because of medications, and especially my BPD splits. he calls them out all the time and I would get offended instead of taking it openly for things that I can change for the better. And I have become more aware of my actions, my splits, my bad habits and I address them and I apologize and I tell him that I will do better to not do them. 

I think that is progress. To fix my own bad habits from my mental health disorder. 

Now, he has his own mental health issues and when I bring it up, I get attacked and then I feel guilty for even saying it or bringing it up because he has been so patient with me in the past, why can’t I do it now for him?

I feel conflicted because he keeps telling me things about my mental health and I take the blame, I take the hit, I take all the negative feedbacks because I know it’s all stuff I need to work on. But when it comes to him, I can’t say without him thinking I’m attacking him now. The roles have reversed and I want him to see that I feel what he felt. But I want him to want to fix it. Not fight our mental health issues against each other. 

He keeps saying I’m trying to start a fight. Instead, I try and make jokes, which I never do because I’m not funny according to him lol. I try to let things slide when I know it affects me. And I try my hardest not to fight with him but the minute I disagree with him, he thinks it’s a fight. 

When we fight, he tells me I can’t talk to my “side hoes” which I would do out of revenge but I stopped because we made an agreement that I won’t. But that doesn’t pertain to him. It doesn’t seem like he cares about fairness and equality in both sides of the relationship. If you do something I don’t like, I do something you don’t like. It’s not I can something that I told you not to but I can. I just wish there was some equality and fairness in his thoughts. I try my best to suppress my BPD thoughts but he’s making it so hard to do that when he keeps fighting me on it.