I've never had a really high libido, I'd say I'm about average. I'm female, I lost my virginity at sixteen and started masturbating at seventeen or eighteen (first orgasm at seventeen). I orgasm easily and quickly and can happily...sort myself out.

I'm not very adventurous, I have massive body issues (eating disorders as a teenager and the backlash they leave) and I'm not really comfortable having sex with anyone.

First question is related to sex - basically, as far as I'm aware I've always dissociated during sex. I was terrified of sex as a teenager so I didn't actually have sober sex until my first really serious relationship at 19-21. Now I'm in my mid twenties and I don't drink as much but I do dissociate during sex. I sort of zone out and fantasize, because it's too scary to be present.

Note: I've never been sexually abused.

I'm with a male partner of two years and we live together, but his sex drive drops occasionally. When we're having sex I'm dissociating and when we're not...I read erotic stories on the internet and masturbate. 

So my second question is how do you approach becoming more healthy in your sexual relationships? I guess the dissociation might be to do with all the drunken one night stands I had as a teenager, and how I don't really remember them, so it's easier to fade out and not be there (I still enjoy it and feel the important parts, and I orgasm 99% of the time). But I'm getting to the point now where I'd rather have a wank while my boyfriend is out and I can read smut and not worry about someone else, than actually have sex because that's too real and scary and I don't really want him to see me naked...despite the length of our relationship. I'm more experienced than him and everyone assumes I'm wild in the bedroom but honestly I'm kind of a panicky, vanilla, missionary kinda girl.

Quick edit to add info: I always feel kinda guilty every time I masturbate, too. My boyfriend and I haven't really discussed it and I don't think I'd like it if I found out he was masturbating rather than having sex with me.

Also I'm way too awkward to discuss any of this with him, which I know is a huge problem and is going to be the main advice, but I just can't.

Help?!