I don't really know why I am making this post to be honest. Maybe I am just venting. I've always struggled with my mental health. There are some days where I am great and some days where one thing could push me over the edge. I am recently divorced (I got married at 21, what a joke.) Since then, I've managed to lose everyone I thought I could count on. I've sit in the same motel room for the past 5 days wondering what I could've done to do better. Wondering what makes me so unwanted. I'm lost, and spiraling quickly. I've been disassociating constantly. I'm always high/ and or drunk, and the self-harming has returned. I haven't really felt anything in a while, even now. I was "diagnosed" with bipolar disorder, but was also told that it was because I couldn't be diagnosed with BPD until I was 18. I truly feel numb. Part of me knows this will end at some point, but the other part of me wants to give-in to my suicidal idealation. I'm tired.