I don't even know how to describe it. I think my heart broke many times before. I struggled many times before. I had a lot of up and downs. I stayed up a lot of nights. I felt like running things into the ground before. I never felt this broken and like my whole brain shattered. My identity was always in pieces. I don't have words for it. 

Everything is just a question now and I don't know the answer anymore. Even to things that I once thought I knew the answer to I just don't know any more. 

I don't know. I feel insane.