I'm currently seeing a psychologist and I believe I might have mild BPD, I have some of the symptoms but not all although the cause of the disease fits very well within my childhood.


A question many people have about individuals with BPD is that if they have sympathy and that's something I question about myself a lot too.


I can feel empathy for my mother who's at risk of going blind soon, I worry for my sister and what actions she takes but at the same time I can hurt people, remove them from my life without a seconds thought.


I have a bf and the abandonment fear is strong with him, I'm always afraid of annoying him and losing him but I don't necessarily feel over flowing romantic love for him either, I think that's just because I don't really understand what love is due to my turbulent childhood.


My bf is very much against cheating and open relationships, he's very monogamous however a couple of nights ago I slept with someone that wasn't him and I don't really know why I did it, I guess I just wanted to and don't understand why I would put into risk this relationship that I have for over a year and a half for something that might last max a year and a half too.


The fact I don't regret it or feel any guilt is what I don't understand, is this something others with BPD also experience? I understand he'd be sad, I understand it would wreck him if he ever knew but at the same time I don't particularly care because what he doesn't know can't hurt him and I don't plan on letting him find out that easily, lying is also very natural for me I just choose to be honest to those I care about like my sister and parents.


I'm not saying I have BPD, I suspect I have it and I'm looking into it so that I understand myself better and understand why I do the things I do but can someone else tell me if it's common or understandable to do actions that would cause devastating consequences for yourself but still not regretting it or even feeling an ounce of guilt for those actions?