I’ve just felt so depressed and empty lately, especially for the past 3months. But it’s gotten very bad recently. 

For many years, suicide seemed like a very slight possibility but I never gave it much thought. It was something that I never really considered, although I often dreamt of going out in style. I was mostly contented with life which is why I was not a seriously suicidal person. But over the past few months, these thoughts grew bigger and entered my mind more often. Now, it’s like a daily thought that just comes naturally to me. 

I’ve also noticed other symptoms such as getting irritated more easily and decreased motivation to get out of bed or do work. It’s reached a point where it’s really affecting my life, my social life, my grades. And I tend to not care about a lot more things. 

One factor that I believe amplifies this is the fact that I have lost a lot of self-confidence and hope. I just don’t see much of a happy future. Even if I get a good job and get a spouse, I’d still be living in an endless and vicious cycle called life. Things get repetitive, no matter how mech change there is in life. 

I don’t really feel like dwelling too deep into this, but I’m not looking for someone to console me. It’s just that I can feel myself drifting closer and closer to suicide by the day, and I just felt like I can’t keep this heavy piece of information on my chest.