Horrible realisation that I'm just a fucking nasty person. Whether it's my bpd or just me it's the first time where I've been hysterical and suicidal because I've seen how much of a toxic bitch I am as opposed to feeling that way because eof external factors. The real nature that its all shit I'm responsible for is nesrking too much to handle, I'm 21 how the fuck can I carry on the rest of my life being in this cycle of mimicking peoples personality so they're my friend, being a toxic bitch and them resenting me. This is the lowest I've felt in time again because it's my responsibility if thay makes sense? Fuck this man