It’s my fault because I kept drawing attention to myself by fighting and having meltdowns in front of everyone. Now everyone knows who I am and what I’ve done and they think I’m a racist piece of shit. I just wanted to go to school without anyone noticing me and to just get it over and done with. I wasn’t even looking for friends I was totally fine being by myself. 

In the hallways people just look at me and laugh, they call me racist and all sorts of names like emo and that word really triggers me. I have managed to not have meltdowns when people call me that but it causes me to self harm and having meltdowns at home and every little thing makes me angry. 

I am not a racist, I’m just really misunderstood. I called someone the N word during a meltdown and although that’s definitely not okay, I was scared, angry and sad at that time and I didn’t know what else to do. I just said the first thing that came to my head. I have tried apologising and offering an explanation but they just won’t have it and I’m getting tormented every single day.

I went through this shit in primary school and year 7 to 9. I refuse to go through this bullshit again. I want to fight back but I’ll just get kicked out of the school and they won’t get shit. Because I’m the bad guy now according to everyone else. 

I’m absolutely dreading going to school tomorrow.