My friend and I were texting and I mentioned something wrong. She asked me what. And I mentioned a mental thing I’d been dealing with. She hasn’t responded. She’d been having a great day, had a good day at work, a piano recital. And then I had to go puke my stupid problem all over her nice day. She’s so kind and empathetic. I know I hurt her. Why am I like this. Tomorrow I take a final for my biology class and I haven’t studied a hill of beans. I don’t remember anything. I’ve been far too busy with my stupid stupid habit, something too embarrassing to mention aloud. I have started punching and slapping myself and whipping my back with a belt, but I’m too scared to cut. I don’t think it’s even real self-harm, or at least not compulsive self-harm. It’s more like a bar fight. I’m with this IDIOT and I want to destroy him. Too bad it’s me. Some friends and I were playing a game with me earlier and the card said “describe yourself with three words.” I sat for a while and one said “keep it positive.” I couldn’t think of three honest, positive adjectives to apply to myself. I don’t even know if I’m really depressed; maybe I’m just correctly appraising who I am as a person and the results aren’t pleasant. But idk where else to write this.