Example: I limit myself to 2 text messages in a row when speaking to someone. If I’m the last to send a text or engage in contact via social media, I will never, EVER, contact them again until they reach out to me (unless it’s some sort of emergency). I have rules about how to speak to people in public. I implement strategies to exist normally in everyday life. It’s pretty painful to be so calculated.

It feels like I’m constantly punishing myself for whatever reason. I am so incredibly marked in my approach to others because if I’m not, I’m worried that they will be scared off by my actual persona. I’m deeply afraid of others calling me “too much” etc. I even follow these insane rules when talking to my sister, who has never considered leaving me.

I also allow people to speak to me in a way that they would never allow others to speak to them. And I just let it happen, and then I internalize the anger and direct it back at myself.