I want to fix my friendship with my friend of around 20 years.

Backstory:

I moved city 3 years ago with my boyfriend, who is my FP, just before the pandemic, and because of this my friend and I have drifted a bit.

I didn’t know I had BPD at the time of moving. Moving city with a newish partner was a big trigger for me in the sense that I felt everything was scary and my boyfriend would leave me at any given chance. We had a fair few ups and downs and I felt very scared and empty most of the time, and desperate to ‘fix’ the relationship.

It wasn’t until a few months ago that I started to heal and our relationship has been steady.

Around a year ago my best friend lost her dad. I sent her messages and saw her just after, but she has recently told me that she felt I hadn’t been that supportive and that she had been going through a such a bad time. I agree with her that I could have been much more supportive and I feel so awful.


Question: 

She doesn’t know that I have BPD and I’m fairly new to the diagnosis, so I don’t really know if this is common in friendships, nor how to explain to her without telling her about BPD. I’m not ready yet. I want her to feel validated and supported, but also want to offer an explanation.

How can I go about this? 

I will also note that I have found it really hard to maintain friendships during this time. No arguments with any friends, but I have felt very distant and I find it hard to stay in contact.

TL;DR: my friend feels that I haven’t been very supportive since her dad passed away. How can I go about explaining my symptoms of BPD without telling her my diagnosis?