My just barely turned 7 year old has always struggled with crippling anxiety of unknown or "exciting" situations (times when I feel an adrenaline rush). I don't have anywhere near the same level of anxiety and so I feel blind when I'm trying to help him.

His most recent experience made me so sad for him that I lost my temper. I know that will never help and that is why I am asking to help understanding how inside his head feels so I can navigate future episodes better and not cause him more distress. 

We have a local arcade with VR headsets. He has been fascinated with them for years. Before covid lockdown he had gotten to the point of being able to wear the headset for a short time before being overwhelmed.  That only worked when I was not there. He could play and enjoy himself with the wife of the owner but his anxiety was harder to deal with if I was present. Same with the dentist, if I just drop him off he is more compliant with the dentist and unfortunately has had a bad enough cavity that he understands that the dentist relieves pain and is a necessary hard experience. 

Because of covid we have been unable to go to the arcade. It reopened recently and he wanted nothing more then to go play there for his birthday activity. We had a special dinner and cake with family on his actual birthday. Yesterday was the first day it was open since he told me that is what he wanted to do for his fun time. I was concerned going in because I could see a big potential for a meltdown but didn't want to deny him what he wanted so we went.

It has new ownership which I'm sure didn't help but the owner was incredibly amazing through everything. Patient, understanding and even extended the time we had access to the headset because of "unused time" because of his anxiety. Frankly this stranger handled my son's panic attack better then I did.

My son had his heart set on wearing the headset and using the hand controllers too. In the process of trying to get him there I wore the headset and he watched the computer screen to use the hand controllers and that seemed fun for him but it wasn't what he wanted for himself. We tried having him close his eyes and getting the headset fitted to him so he could feel the weight and we was ok until he opened his eyes. We let him "resettle" and then tried again but this time I put my finger up in the opening in front of his nose so he could go mildly cross eyed and look at my finger then switch to looking into the headset. We got a full 30 seconds before he couldn't stand the vr anymore that time. His continual explanation of what bothered him was everything was too big. I do not know what the means but that was his words for what was wrong.

It broke my heart that this part of him was ruining what he so badly wanted for his birthday activity. From the outside I know my actions looked like anger but I swear that was not what I felt. I took him upside hoping that some fresh air and being able to "flee" the place that was housing the problem might help. We talked a bit. He was not able to explain any better what the problem was. I told him not so kindly that if he couldn't get past it and have the fun he wanted i would have to take him home and Daddy would bring his brothers home when our paid time was up.

We sat outside and he got fully settled then we went back in. He got the headset back on, opened his eyes and said "I want to go home." He spoke calmly at first and his dad didn't understand because he seemed in control instead of the panic he had be speaking with before when needing the headset off. As he had to repeat himself the panic started showing itself again. He and I did go home. I tried to explain that I was not mad at him but I know that he doesn't understand. I also know that this can't be able me. This is him and his life and for me to focus on him understanding me and my feelings is not fair or helpful for him.

I have had panic attacks but I would never say that they were more then mild. I explained them to my husband and a misplaced bout of "fight or flight" nothing to be afraid of but still that feeling and leaving the location allowed it to dissipate. I could feel the crippling weight start to settle but having the choice to leave and doing so let the feeling leave.

Please, if you can, help me get a glimpse inside his head. Also please help me gain some tools to help me not make experiences worse for him.