For the past two years I feel like I got better and I was finally able to control my anger and actually move on from things quickly, but now all of a sudden I feel like im doing worse. Everyday I'm fighting my emotions with jealousy and I can barely go out places with my boyfriend since I just don't feel beautiful.

 I'm so obsessive about my looks and since I live in California it ALWAYS feels like a competition with who is dressed better and like I said it pisses me off that I know it shouldn't matter but it still does anyways.

My only friend betrayed me twice recently and we are no longer friends so all I have is my boyfriend. Seeing my boyfriend with friends makes me jealous because I don't have that... I don't know what it feels like to be wanted by other people and people never care to talk to me since I'm forgettable and it's been that way my whole life. I'm just such a waste..no matter how much people try to understand they never will. I also have other health issues and I can't even manage finding a job rn. I feel like I won't have any friends for the rest of my life and idk how I'm going to be in a relationship since I have no one else but him