The other night I realised I'd run out of weed and cigarettes, and that I wasn't going to be able to engage in any other self destructive behaviour either.

It was the first time in a long time that I felt completely out of control. Even if I haven't used those things in the past, they've always been there as an option. 

So I had a Stitch like meltdown, when he realises he's landed in a little town on a little island and there's nothing for him to destroy, except it was me flipping out that I couldn't hurt myself or self destruct. 

Does anyone else identify with that feeling? Or feel that they need to have the option of self destructing available, just to go about every day business? I scared the fuck outta my boyfriend, and I'm slightly concerned myself with how hell bent I seem to be on self destruction.