For some reason I was under the illusion I can keep my bpd symptoms buried and act normal which at the start I actually can but then I get to know the person, feel comfortable around them and there they are, struggling to be contained. 

I’ve probably set myself up for this, not thinking about the consequences and how it would affect me. I’ve recently got a fwb, I was missing sex and cuddles so much.

I got jealous when he’d talk about previous sex experiences, partly because mine haven’t been very good and because I don’t want to know about his past experiences, I want the attention to be on me and if past experiences or people are brought up I only want to know how I’m better than them. 

So I’m new to the whole fwb thing and idk how it’s supposed to be. We’ve been texting everyday, he’d send selfies, we play games together and he’s told me about how he used to have really bad anxiety and suffer from panic attacks. Quite a few times he’s fallen asleep while having our chat open. 

I’m confused about the feeling I got when we cuddled, I can’t remember feeling like that or maybe I’ve forgotten because it’s been a while, been in his arms just felt right, comfortable and safe. We spent 9 hours together and it went by really quick.

I want to ask him if he’s flirting/sexting or sending pics to anyone but I might not like the answer and I can’t tell him to stop. I want to be the only person he does that, sex and cuddles with. I want him to care about me and like me in a way that’s a bit romantic. I want to open up about my bpd and for him to be understanding. I want to see him soon, my memory sucks and our meet seems so faded. After meeting I’ve probably become attached but I feel like it was something special and he must have felt something too.