Hi All, this is my first post ever and I’m making it from my phone so sorry if there’s formatting issues. Back in March I got a meaningful tattoo on the whole back of my arm. I got a different butterfly for each of my sisters and each placed center of the arm in a row. It felt so natural and part of my body and it’s my second tattoo ever and I never had issues with my first. 

Well, about 2 months ago I just had an intrusive thought of what if other people don’t like my tattoo and I became very insecure about other peoples perception of me and how I love my tattoo when I look at it and I’m posed in photos, but when I look at photos taken of me when I’m not posed, I start to question how I actually like it or if this is how people see. This anxiety has spiraled out of control, I couldn’t sleep last night and couldn’t eat today because I realize there’s something about me I just can’t change and I don’t know if it’s that I don’t like that tattoo or if it’s a deeper rooted issue. It’s taken a toll on my mental health because I felt I was once so confident and never doubted myself and now I had one intrusive thought that has never left my mind and has gotten worse. I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia before and I have my first therapy appointment Friday to get to the root of it or if I should go through the long process of removal to feel better.

I truly hope I can learn to love myself again, that it’ll once again feel like a natural part of my body, and I can curb my anxiety. 

I don’t want to self-diagnose but I called my aunt who has a masters in psychology and she mentioned how our family has a history of OCD and that it sounds like I found something to obsess over and my compulsion is to overwork myself and look at removal solutions. I want to just be able to go a day without thinking about it and learn to appreciate my body art once more.

I don’t know what I’m looking for posting here, maybe some insurance or other people who’ve overcome this. I have tatted friends who say they love it and mean it, I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves it and it’s meaning but supports whatever I decided to do with my body. How do I make my mind be nice to me again?