Why do I have to keep going or do I have to keep pushing forward. Why is it so hard to let go. For one time in my life, I want to do something for me. I thought having a routine would help me help me and it did for a little while. This feeling just came back I don’t know how to deal with it anymore. I really want to kill myself. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I have my friends who never answer. A toxic relationship with my ex girlfriend. A job I feel like I don’t  deserve. My house is falling apart, even though I’m sorry to work out to care of myself. All my goals and ambitions just feel like a far cry for myself to finally get better. The more time passes the more realize I life is not gonna change. So why continue with the day to day?