I don’t think i’ve ever loved anyone. i thought i did, but i realized later that most of my affection for him was based on my idea of him or the really high emotions i felt when i was splitting.

i feel like i can’t love anyone because i either have the love/hate dynamic or i sort of like them but not enough. with all of my friends i only want them around because i don’t want to be lonely, but in reality i’m selfish and just want the ego boost but don’t really care about them that much. 

i’ve never really felt loved by my family so any time any of them shows affection or touches me i’m uncomfortable. it would be nice to have friends or a significant other to love but i feel like i’ll never have it without my splitting &amp; attachment/detachment issues