
The worst part is the shame. I’m so ashamed of myself. The frustration in knowing I’m overreacting or knowing that thought isn’t rational but STILL reacting negatively emotionally. Why do I think the way that I think? Feel the things that I feel? Why if I can see that I’m responding incorrectly do I fucking freak out anyways? Why am I so compelled to hate myself? To compare myself to everyone? Why won’t the thoughts just stop? I should be stronger than this. Better than this. I grew up thinking I was special, talented, different…  and look at me now. The older I get the quicker I lose hope. Who wants to marry a fucking nutcase? Who am I kidding… even if I wasn’t a psycho I am completely devoid of any sense of domestic life. I don’t cook. I rarely clean.  I just exist at this point. All of my hobbies…. Disappeared. Who the fuck am I? What happened to me? I wasn’t supposed to end up this way. I wasn’t supposed to end up like her. I swore I wasn’t her. I don’t know anything anymore. I’m so ashamed. Embarrassed. I just want a normal life. I want to be loved. I want to be wanted. Needed. But I have nothing to offer anymore. I don’t know what the point is anymore.