even though i KNOW i do. i was going over it with him, how i’ve always been like this and the symptoms make more sense than any other diagnoses that’s been thrown at me.... and he looked at me and said ‘do you even know what you’re saying? you don’t have that. you’re a good person, you just have depression and anxiety like everyone else’

this was after me talking about how i feel like i’m slowly becoming shittier and shittier to the people around me and other friends and family are starting to point it out... the Angry Mean Bad part that comes with BPD that i’ve held together for years is starting to come out. and he won’t believe me, he says the people i’m taking it out on deserve it. 

of course he would think i’m a good person, though. i would never hurt him or do anything intentionally to make him angry at me, i mean he’s my favorite person in the whole world!! and all i want is to be around him.... but comments like that, as if he’s been around the past 10 years i’ve been in therapy.... yeah, don’t tell me i don’t have it when it helps me make sense of why i’m feeling a certain way. 

anyways, new years resolution is to get back into therapy... on the plus side, though, it has been a full year since i’ve last been hospitalized!!!