I’m just so done with the anxiety. I feel discouraged and powerless. 

I’m 37 and I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember. And being 37 means I didn’t know what anxiety was until 1998 and even then, I was one of the rare. Mental health was far from what it is today. Until I was 14, I was convinced everyone lived with this constant feeling of anguish. I never talked about it, never even questioned if it was normal or not. I’ve always worked it on my own, I can have the worst panic attack next to anyone and they would never notice. 

But as I get older, my anxiety makes me feel so bad, like I’m a child that needs her mommy. All I want is run home to my mom, have her hold me and stay there forever. And she would hold me and talk to me and be there for me. I’ve been blessed with amazing parents. But I want it over, I want the anxiety to stop. I want to enjoy days with my son without feeling the dread. We’re going on vacations Wednesday and he’s so excited. But my anxiety is making me unable to be excited and I want to cancel everything. I won’t and I’ll be an amazing mom even as it kills me. 

I’m just so tired of it and I don’t know if I’ll be able to go on like this forever. I want it to stop.