Hello, I'd like to know :

1) if you've been on antidepressants, what kind  
2) how did it modify your behavior and cognition (thoughts, side-effects, how you act, react, etc.)

My official diagnosis is ADHD and bulimia (18 years of eating disorders). One social worker made me realize I'm dealing with C-PTSD. Over the last ten years, I have been diagnosed with social phobia, generalized anxiety disorder, dysthymia, BPD with narcissist tendencies, borderline structure, anxious-depressive tendencies, depression, anxiety, OCD, etc. (long list of diagnosis which seems to change)

The diagnosis of BPD happened after a suicide attempt while on antidepressants back then. I noticed I act "crazy" on them : the anger is terrible and the mood swings are intense, the suicidal thoughts are escalating, I act on impulses and I take risky decisions. One minute, I'm laughing, the other I'm crying, then I'm angry, without any external triggers... (antidepressants tested : Zoloft, Effexor, Escitalopram, Trintellix)

Anti-psychotics makes me go YOLO and I spend a lot of money while being super zen about it (anti-psychotics tested : Seroquel, Abilify, Rexulti. 

Without antidepressants, I am neutral -- not happy, not sad, just fine. Everything is much easier, I tend to reflect before I act, but I only turn crazy when my C-PTSD is triggered (loss of energy, hopelessness, guiltiness, reliving memories, depressive state, etc.). I got back on antidepressants because of a recent rape. 

Vyvanse is the only thing making me productive due to my ADHD (which is believed to be a symptom of BPD for my previous therapist, but officially diagnosed nevertheless by a psychiatrist), but right now the Trintellix is overriding it and I'm totally out of focus, out of control, moody, puking everyday (bulimia in remission for a long while and coming back strongly for 3 weeks straight) and putting on weight even so, skin is so itchy, hurtful and watery eyes, headaches, etc.  

I feel like I'm turning crazy, I can't control my thoughts and my apartment is a mess, and I can't find the energy/focus/control to do something about it. I'm going outside for a walk, I'm happy, I come back inside, my mood crashed and I'm crying, and I DON'T GET IT. I called my pharmacist, they're going to check with my doctor, but I want to know if it's something normal with BPD or if meds trigger in me some kind of "BPD-like" symptoms. I've been trying for so long to remove the diagnosis, and now I realize I do act like I am borderline on the meds...

Thanks!

Tldr; I think my antidepressants make me act out of character and I do believe I got the diagnosis of BPD due to it. I wonder how BPD patients actually act on antidepressants because I can't find information online, and I wonder why it triggers on me that kind of reaction. I'm normally very calm, neutral and collected.