I'm going to try and condense my experience with major depression because it's late (early?). 

I was diagnosed with major depression around the age of 16 (I'm 29 now). I, along with my friends and family started noticing a major shift in my emotions, personality, engagement, etc. Luckily my mom is a nurse practitioner so she has experience and saw what was going on. I was started on Zyloft, no idea the dosage, and stayed on it till the end of Highschool. But then Zyloft no longer provided any relief, regardless of upping the dosage. From then on I've been on pretty much every antidepressant at max dosage with no effect. 

Last year my entire life was turned upside down. My wife randomly left me in March, took our dog, I lost an amazing job, Mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's, and I was in and out of the ICU/Hospital at least 5-6 times for suicidal attempts (still a mystery how I survived each time). Needless to say I was completely enveloped and lost all control to the depression. I was taken off my other medication that has worked flawlessly over the past 10 years (Adderall for ADHD) due to the suicide attempts which made me begin looking to other substances to help. A few months after my ex-wife left and filed for divorce I began an intense cocaine addiction . I was doing it every other day for about 6 months. Only recently have I been able to overcome it and realize that it wasn't helping me in the slightest. 

About 2 months ago I was restarted on medication for the ADHD (Vyvanse, doesn't work that well unfortunately) . Next week Ill finally be back on my Adderall and will most likely be doing the new *Ketamine nasal spray treatment for depression. I should mention that about 4-5 months ago I was all set to undergo ECT but I decided to back out because I was unable to devote the time to have it done. Although if the *Ketamine spray has no effect I'll be going through with the ECT. 

So what the point of me sharing all this? 

Up till about last month if you asked me if I had any intention on continuing living I would have sad no. I gave up all hope of anything working, anything getting better, etc. I was truly done with life and was just waiting to die. 

I can't put my finger on exactly what caused me to have a change of mind. Nothing much has changed with my situation. Still in despair over the divorce. Still unemployed. Still confused...

It might sound completely backwards and insane to say this, but I think when I was able to beat the cocaine addiction alone, I found a part of me that I never knew existed. A determination to get better, get healthier. Not just for me, but for my friends and family. 

TLDR: Depression is absolutely terrifying but there is hope out there even if you don't believe it.