I'm struggling to find where I belong in the world. I feel completely lost, lonely, and isolated. Being stuck in my head is a scary and sad place to be. I have a wonderful boyfriend and a really close friend who also has BPD. I don't get to see either of them much and I rely too much on my bf and I'm constantly splitting on him/directing my breakdowns at him.

I find it hard to connect to other people and find myself drawn away from others in a group of people. I feel left out and lonely, but find it hard to reach out and connect. Although I relate to a lot of posts on here, I feel like an outlier even in this community. 

I also am constantly torn between different likes/dislikes, hobbies, and personality traits. I don't know what makes me happy or what I want to do with my life. I'm scared of pursuing any thing I find interest in, because one minute I love the idea of it and the next, I think it's a horrible idea. For example, I want to become a tattoo artist and have thought about becoming a tattoo apprentice, but I constantly stop myself from pursuing it because I think it will be too difficult for me, I'll become overwhelmed and fail at it like I do every thing else, my art sucks and won't fit the bill... All kinds of doubts and what ifs. 

I'm sorry this post is a bit all over the place. I'm just feeling quite horrible and alone and scared. I wanted to get this off my chest. I'd love to talk to anyone who relates.