I'm not an articulate individual but I will try my best to vent these negative thoughts I have for the past years.

My ego, insecurities and people's opinion about me are my main concern. When I was in junior high school, I was bullied and I don't really know the reason why. I thought 'people-pleasing' will stop them from bothering me. The bullying eventually stopped on my senior year of high school but the 'people-pleasing' stayed. It got worse because I have this stupid principle in my mind that if people are not pleased then I am worthless. I didn't care if I hated what I was doing at that time. I begun to have this obsession towards their compliments. 

Now that I'm in college, I still carry it with me. I get insecure when I see someone doing better in life (esp academically). Accepting the fact that there will always be someone better than me is also a hard task. I'm afraid of making mistakes because people/society might call me useless, dumb and undeserving of life. When I'm in public, I always feel like people's eyes are on me. I vented this concern to a relative and he said that everyone has their own life that people don't really care at all and I have nothing to worry about, but I can't seem to fully comprehend that. 

I'm aware that there are things that are worth focusing more. I'm trying but I slowly am losing hope. I just want to stop being dependent on other's opinion about me. I hate this side of me, it is exhausting and toxic.