This is actually so physically and mentally draining. 

I fluctuate between having all the energy in the world, not being able to sleep, wanting to do everything and everyone, doing everything and everyone and just living life like I'm the female and human incarnation of Dionysus. Like I have no limits, I just pile on more and more and I want more and more.

But then with no warning whatsoever, I'll become suicidal. Then all of a sudden everything is pointless, I feel suffocated, I feel trapped in my own body, I feel like I can't escape my own mental illness, I am severely distressed over all the shit I did when I had the confidence of living in my highest high. And I feel tired. I realize I never have an in-between.

And this happens in a day, or in a matter of hours. Sometimes my moods switch within the hour. I am posting here because I was diagnosed with BPD, though my therapist was considering tackling a rapid cycling bipolar diagnosis on top of it too. I definitely feel 

All I want is one day of feeling normal. I just need a fucking break from this yoyoing hell.