My dog is sick, the vet said he has lymphoma and they don't think he will respond to treatment with the kind he has and how advanced it is. On top of that my semester just started this week and I already have a lot of homework to get done, including needing to write 30+ pages for various classes. I haven't done classes for over a year because I couldn't afford it, but my school forgave my balance from last semester so I could attend again. This was supposed to be my triumphant comeback, I was so excited to get back to it but now I can't concentrate on my homework or get any of it done with everything going on, and that just adds to the stress.

I just want to drop all my classes and lock myself in a dark room and stop trying. Whats the point? Why bother? I'm just going to fail anyways, I'm just going to waste my time and put myself in more debt I'll never pay off. It isn't like I'll ever achieve anything, or like anyone will give a fuck if I stop going. I have been out of class so long I don't eve feel like I know what to do or remember how to do anything. I can't write, which is the only thing I've ever been confident in, I can't do any of my art (my major), I can't do anything.

On top of that I have an older relative whom I care about that just wants to die now that our dog is so sick. He's stopped taking his medicine, and his health was already not great before this. I've been the one making sure he is in good health, trying to take care of him, along with being the one everyone counts on to help our dog...just like last time we had a dog this sick. Everyone saddled me with taking care of him, but he hated taking his medicine so much he would actively avoid me. I got to spend his final days trying to save his life while he hated and avoided me. 

Plus the longer time goes on, the more weak the older family members I live with become. I already have never had a chance to leave because they couldn't get someone else to help them around here when they need it. As time goes on that becomes more and more the case, so I'm stuck here. The walls of this prison grow with every passing day, every cough and oxygen tank needed. And I know for a fact that while I'm putting my life on hold to be of use to them, there are people in my family talking behind my back and making it out to be that I'm lazy and useless and that is why I haven't moved on or done anything with my life. To add insult to injury: all of this would probably make for great material for a novel if I could write again but I haven't been able to do that for a long time, its been years since I felt I could do it properly (or even decently).

I have no one I hate enough to bother with this shit. The person I would usually talk to has barely talked to me in months, the only other person I have has given support but I know he has his own shit and mental health to worry about and I don't want to push this on him.