Ive explained this in several subreddits before but I'm toxic and i want help. im tired of feeling extremely guilty and depressed over what i did to my ex. someone said i should look into bpd. are there any books / videos out there to help me? 
i'm thinking of speaking to my gp about it but before i make any decisions i need to do some further research and how bpd people think and such which is why im asking so i can see if i relate to it. thank you