I’m a closeted gay, i live in a small community and my family is very religious, my biggest fear is my family finding out I’m gay, not because they will kick me out but because i know that would break their heart, so I’d never been in a relationship, all what i do is masturbate me to porn, but i know is not healthy so I’d been trying to avoid watching porn, it was alright i had few days without porn and no jerking off. So moving forward there are two truckers who weekly pass by my place and one of them is married to one women from the town so he know my dad and they became friends, so this guy used to come home when he was staying at hotel close by, they even had dinner at my home sometimes, the second time I saw him he brought some beers, he asked my dad if he wanted but he refused so he asked me and i took one, he was talking and then another one, we drank like 3 beers each and then he wanted to keep drinking but it was late, my mom was already in bed and my father was going soon so he invited me to his hotel and because i wanted him to leave I accept, he bought more beers when we came to the hotel he was sharing room with the other man and we were drinking, they talked about their sexual experience while working, one of them was two of them with a gay guy and how he blow them in the street, later he felt asleep and I was talking just to the other man, I’m not gonna lie their stories made me horny, and not jerking for few days plus the beers I went nuts and I touched the other guy’s dick, he was surprised and told me he thought I like girls, I told him I wanted to blow him and he told me just if I do the same to the other man, he said let’s go, take his dick out and I put my hand and he said “leave me alone” he was never asleep, when he got up I pretended I was sleeping and his friend asked him if they could fuck me, he said no you fuck him if you want I want to sleep then he went back to bed I got up and told the other guy if he still want me to blow him, he said no if he doesn’t want I won’t do it either, I hugged him and asked to touch my ass , he did, I left and came back he said no again, I then came back home. So the next morning when I woke up I went to the kitchen and I heard them talking to my mom, they were drinking that morning as well and my dad’s friend was drunk asked if I was still sleeping my mom said yes, my heart was beating so fast thinking that they might say something about the previous night, but the worst was when my sister came and then left, he told my mom my sister was pretty and why she didn’t had more girls instead only “fags” he said it as a jock but I can tell my mom didn’t like it, I was afraid to face them so I stayed at the kitchen. They left but as I said they come weekly so they will come and I’m afraid they say something or being drunk this man say something, looks like he would. Now I’m crying in the shower, I feel stupid and disgusting, I feel pain in my chest and my body weak, breathing is hard and I’m in fear. I really don’t know what will happened and how to act or what to do. I was thinking to avoid them if they come next week but I’m afraid they might say something like: “he is avoiding us after he touched our ducks” that could literally give my parents a heart attack, so I don’t know if I should face them but I’m afraid they’ll ask me to drink and if I deny they might blackmail me or straight say something. I’m so regret and afraid now.