Hi all. 

Tomorrow is my 29th birthday. I just got out of the hospital after a 1-month hospitalization. This has definetly be the strongest, most life-changing hospitalization of them all. 

I lost my job, my appartement, got completely broke, my partner left me, and I had to go back home to my parents in another country.

This is the third time this has happened after quite violent manias where I lose track of reality. I was diagnosed in 2017, when I was at the hospital for 3 months, and then I had another manic episode in 2020 when I was hospitalized for a month.

After-hospital periods have always been hard to get through,usually followed by long periods of depression. Last one lasted since november 2020 till january 2022.

This time I really dont know what went wrong. I never really can tell when I am entering a mania stage. 

I was living my dream life , with an amazing job I really liked,in an exciting place, exercizing daily… I was having a pretty healthy lifestyle. I mean I did drank a bottle of wine every once in a while (3-4 times a week). 

One day I started waking up at 3 a.m for no reason. The lack of sleep continued for two or three days. I started getting maniac. Everthing was going pretty fast, I had so many ideas it was hard to keep track. But halucinations were not there like the past times. I was just feeling superhuman.

At some point I thought it was time to ask for help. I called my psy who was in another city. Went to two hospitals that refused to intern me. It all went to hell from there. 

Had to go to my general hospital where I was tied up and isolated for ten days. No more appartement,no more job,back at the hospital again.

Usually after a mania that strong I have a hard dépression. But this time I just feel powerless.

I feel like I am such a burden to my family and friends. The past times I always had something to go back to: a job, partner, a home. But this time I really lost everything. I need to move out, find a new job, manage to get out of my parents house,all that while being completely broke (I spent all my savings while hipomaniac)

So I guess if someone has read all down here, my question is: how can you tell when manias are coming? And how to prevent that from happening? How do you start over knowing that this can happen anyday regardless of how careful your are being with your life? Is drinking a trigger?

I dont know how often manias come for everyone, but 3 in a 5-year period seem like a lot to me. I cant keep on doing this to myself and my close ones.

Thanks for reading.