This is not aimed at myself or any one who is considering suicide. It's aimed at people  who literally boost their ego, build their ego on the humiliation of others. I'm 18 and have been recovering from depression for a while now and so far so good, but the last few weeks have been tough. I'm fed up of being single. It's not a central fixation to me like it once was but it is a little frustrating. It's so emotionally draining using dating apps and constantly getting nowhere, and its even more vexxing when people tell me i'm good looking so that surely can't be the issue. Anyway, since september I've been in a group chat with some people from my old school who I don't really consider proper friends but more the kind just to laugh with online. We often joke around at each other. They're quite immature in all honesty, but I guess I was kind of flattered initally to be in a group with people I considerd to be "Popular", whatever *that* even means. We were rating ourselves and others out of 10 and like someone would rate me 2/10 or whatever, I rated this guy 1.5/10. Like that he flipped, literally not even joking, says  im the "laughing stock" fo the group, makes fun of my appearance, what I wear, I call him a cunt and he says if hes a cunt im the nearest i've ever got to one. Even makes fun of stuff that literally isn't even in my control, like saying i "didnt even last a month in university" (i literally got so ill with pneumonia i had to be admitted to the emergency department). Makes fun of the fact my only job right now is delivering pizza (its a part time job ffs) . i just say this, and I advise you to ask anyone else this who is giving you grief:

&amp;#x200B;

"What have you genuinely ever done in your life that you are proud of?"

And surprise surprise.

He couldn't answer.

I've battled depression every day for god knows how many years in all honesty. anxiety before that. I have done battle, every single day for the last five or so years, be it with bullies on the playground or demons in my head. I stood on the edge of life and death, and chose life, even though it got far worse before it got better. I stand up for people, the other day (again it has been a bad few weeks) I literally put my own safety and to be honest probably my life in danger by standing up to someone who was raically abusing someone in the street, and got threatened myself. I have self respect now. I don't take shit from no one. If it wasnt for the fact I'm applying for a job where it won't exaclty look good if I assault people, I probably wouldn't mind knocking him about a bit. Not that I need to. He's already lost a friend over it, some guy in the group told me how outrageous he was and how he wont be friends with im anymore. 

It did hurt, a lot to be honset, because I'm already sensitive about the things he touched on at a time where I'm strugglign to understand why I'm still single. The stuff he said might have driven myself a few months ago to suicide. Or someone else.  People like him...*theyre* the ones who don't deserve to be alive, not us. I know the type. I've dealt with them many times before. They all give it large and when someone gives it back to them at their expense they throw a tantrum. He literlaly tried to gaslight me into thinking that it was me who couldn't take it, but I'm sorry he knew a bit about my background and anyone with any kind of decency wouldn't say that especially to someone in my position. I hate people like that. They seem to have everything in life given to them. He tells me hes more of a man than me because hes slept with more women. Well sorry what a pathetic judgement of character. I'm teh one who'se literally battled a mental illness every day for years, and stands up for whats right and wrong. 

I feel numb tbh and I do worry about slipping back into the toxic cycle.