Hello everyone, first time posting. 

I'll go straightforward. I've never considered myself a depressed person but I've had some really bad times. When I was 11 or 12 I used to feel really sad most of the time, I had awful thoughts but idk how that just dissapeared (or maybe I just buried it lol). At 17, I got in a really bad situation that again made me really sad and thinking about hurting myself for several months but idk how got through it. Now, at 22, I'm rarely sad like even months (that's why I don't consider it depression, as far I understand it is something that is almost a everyday thing) but when I get sad it's like too extreme, like a snowball effect until I feel like I'm just thrash and rather die. Is it just that I'm not used to sadness and that's why it hits me so hard? 

Thank to everyone who replies. English is not my first language and I really don't have enough to pay a psychologist but I'll consider saving money for it.