PS: i am crossposting from /r/depression because somebody recommended me posting it here.

hello everybody!

i wanted your help to help me navigate a tricky situation i am experiencing at work with a manager who explicitly told me yesterday she was depressed. even though i do suffer from it from time to time i have learned how to manage myself and keep myself in check. no idea how to manage someone else though. i feel like i am walking on eggshells and not really "winning" at my methods.

i need to navigate this situation because i still have to work with her until mid-next year and she plays a huge rule in me getting a long term contract. we work from 8am to 5pm everyday together in a room.

here are things she has said or done. maybe it would help you advise me?

she constantly needs reassurance, says to be transparent with her, but takes it the wrong way if i am not stroking her the right way. if i am happy she tells me i am faking and "overdoing it". if i tone it down, she tells me i am not greeting her like she wants to and it brings her mood down. i am always first in the morning and she says i need to be more cheerful when i welcome her. she says i stare at her with my dark very black eyes and she can't even read me proper. i have....light brown eyes though. and when i tell her they're not black she refuses to accept it.

everything i say is judged and interpreted. she meditates every morning and talks to me about it to see how i react in her meditative scenarios. she tears apart my responses but then says i am judging her own if i am defending myself.

she gets into fight with practically everybody so i need to play intermediary all day. she uses my needs for a long term contract against me. says i should work on my "frowny resting face" because it sends a bad signal to others. that i am "thirsty" for work and that i am very bitter about my past experience in the company. she talks about her promotion to me one day and then the next is like "did you take it the wrong way that i spoke about it yesterday? with your situation and all?"

she is jealous of relationships i build. if i am talking to colleagues in her presence she demands to know what we talked about. she invents that i am buddy-buddy with her manager even though we had 2-3 interactions; "i saw the complicity between both of you and the stares. he always looks at you for reassurance!". the manager doesn't know about my field and wanted some clarification. if i have an HR question:"go talk to X about it! she looooves you!".

she says i am going to steal her information. i helped her get theater tickets from my pc and spent a whole afternoon scouting them for her, making her an account on website. i landed her good affordable places but when i told her she needs to insert her biling info she says "i will do it from my own pc you're gonna steal my info if we have a fight". i told her the website removes the tickets for 30 minutes if they're in the cart so even if she logs in from her own pc she won't see the places i took. i was ready to erase my whole browsing history and she can even choose not to save her info. the "if we fight" came up several times before and it really makes me suspicious because it's like she's prepping something to eff me over tbh.

she speaks bad about everybody but then acts very intimately with them when together. she even demands that i speak bad about them or else she gives me the cold shoulder all day and it's not a livable situation tbh. not only does it make me think she is doing the same to me in front of them, but it is also taxing to me hearing about it. it irks me how she's piling onto them constantly all day to me (and i am supposed to agree with her) but then she kisses them, hugs them, whispers to them, have "inside jokes" with them. furthermore she takes their side against me when it comes down to it. we were with another team mate and i was asking her about a colleague because i want to get to know everyone but she says she's a "wacko" and i should stay away from her. i told her it wasn't the impression i had and that lady looked really distinguished and carried herself well. she told me in front of the team member i "live in my own world" and how the fuck could i think that lady wears nice clothes. she constantly brought up the subject afterwords and even went so far as interpret it as a jab to her own clothes. at that same time she started talking about a colleague telling her she dressed like a peasant. i was highly suspicious because i know that person isn't that type. she was raking it in for weeks until i finally told her "distinguished" in my vocab means "she carries herself like a model and thinks she's all that". i just wanted to get rid of the whole things at that point. that's when she finally got reassured and dropped the whole subject with a final "you preach the lie to get the truth".

she broke down crying once in front of me due to colleagues reporting her behavior (she sent him like 5 texts for the job he didn't do and he took it the wrong way). i was there to support her and tell her nice things. fast forward a month i felt she wanted to cry in another situation but she became defensive when i asked her if she wanted some time to herself. "why would you ever think i am sad?? i give the impression that i am gonna cry?? why are you being like that???"

she contradicts herself. she wants efficient meeting reports but she also wants to add information not brought up during a meeting. since i am the one writing them i told her a meeting report should solely include what was said during that time. not to mention it wouldn't be really efficient to add things anyways. even though i said that very calmly and politely she immediately shut me down by saying she was sensing a lot of animosity from me and she wanted me to shut up.

one "bad" thing can put all my work i have done in bad light. i had a lunch with her own manager, completely by chance since the latter came up to me when i was in the cafeteria. the manager wanted to speak business and gave me small suggestions to improve my work. when i return i write him a polite mail to thank him for the time we spent eating together and that i took note of the suggestions. of course i put her in CC so she can see i am not doing things behind her back. all hell broke loose because of this. how come i eat with her manager without her being there (i was eating alone and the manager was the one to came up to me). why did i make things official by writing them in emails? that this is my free time and not business time and i shouldn't be sending these emails. that i am giving her more work and stressing her out.... the suggestions were about how i should turn out an excel to a powerpoint to make it more readable. i told her that i am the one who does this job anyways, so it's not like she'll be doing it. that i sent those emails to show how we respect the higher up and take his suggestions to heart and will apply them. we don't even have to do them since it was his own point of view. no dice. she didn't speak to me all day. later on she brought up the subject and i wanted to get out of the convo. i just blurted out i don't hold it against her and maybe she wanted to vent on someone. she agreed and said "of course i was. who do you think i will vent on?". she has a husband, two kids, a grandkid and two cats...

she does a lot of personal browsing during work hours and then tells me "you suspect i am not working huh". i was like "um not really. i don't really know what's happening on your pc and i would never allow myself these types of interpretations anyways." then she says "you are going to tell everybody i am a lazy ass." when i deny this she doesn't believe me

i will take any advice, even posts saying i am in the wrong. i am willing to grow from this. please and thank you.