So, I feel the need to start at the beginning. A week ago, ruffly around this time, a friend of mine I went to highschool with got into a car crash and lost her life. It's been a ruff week for all kinds of reasons. 

The thing I'd like to share however is my slow descent into madness as a result of her death. 

You see, about a year ago, give or take a month or 2, I was hanging out with her and her room when we all started talking about a car crash she was in a few months earlier. Her room mate noted a couple of car crashes and I off handedly made a joke about her doing it on purpose. Because she was drunk as however, he started going off on how if she had waited for the roads to be icier, she would have died and her kids could have gotten the insurance money. She went into how there are nicknames for the time of year and that no one would really bat an eye at it. I made sure her roommate (and self proclaimed best friend) knew what was going on and I tried to talk her out of it. I thought I had...

Fast forward to last week. We had shit weather all weekend and she ends up getting into a car crash. 

I can't say anything for certain. I don't even feel like it's my place to say anything to anyone about it. 

I've been crying on and off for the last couple days. Beating myself up for not being a better friend even though she didn't want me in her life anymore.

I'm feeling a lot and I don't have anyone to really turn too. Probably why I'm making this post. Because this is the internet I'm expecting to get nothing but hate but hell, I probably deserve it. 

Thank you for your time.