It’s not an active thing wherein you’re aware it’s romanticizing suicide like ok let me romanticize suicide, just kind of catch yourself being that way? Whenever I want to die something about someone would trigger it, like feeling lonely because person A didnt reply to me and FP has a new friend. So I’d start dreaming up scenarios of my death and how punished they are and burdened they are for not treating me well when I was alive and how after I die everyone would love me the way I wish they did when I was alive. And that maybe they will finally think to themselves they are shit people for not listening to me when I reached out several times before killing myself.
I fucking hate everyone who claimed they love me but never show it