I have had undiagnosed anxiety issues for quite sometime probably ever since I was a kid. I've gone to basic therapy and had the discussion regarding medication, but I couldn't follow through with it. And ultimately just stopped going to therapy. These passed two years have been extremely difficult and any time I bring up how stressed I am, most don't really seem to understand why I'm stressed. 

Stress and anxiety in me is heavily rooted in my health ever since my dad lost his battle with cancer, and the several times I've felt pain and gone to a doctor I was given the "sometimes pain just happens for no reason" line. It's difficult to trust medical professionals after that. 

But here I was, so anxious it was causing me digestive problems (TMI INCOMING). Legit wasn't able to have a bowel movement for a solid week. I was freaking out and I could feel how tense my stomach was just from stress. I called to schedule a doc appointment but the soonest I could get was in 2 weeks. I was dreading the possibility of no bowel movement for 3 weeks so I decided to go to the ER for answers after I regrettably used Google to determine the potential severity of my situation, which of course most of what I found was like "GO NOW" 

When I went to the ER the most of what I got out of it was "you're young you'll be fine" and a couple pokes to my stomach to confirm what I already knew. I had been taking laxatives and none had been working so far. They told me to keep taking them and come back if it still wasn't working. 

Two days later I had a bowel movement after radically changing my diet, inhaling water and practicing to breathe. My body hasn't felt the same since and I still struggle with relaxing. I've tried just about everything: water, exercise, better diet and still I cant manage to feel like I did before. 

So fast forward to now, I'm feeling better, not the same, but better. Bowel movements are regular and consistent except for a few instances where I went 2-3 days without one. I just got my ER bill. 

1,179.00 for a couple pokes in the stomach and no new beneficial information. Honestly the weight of what the problem could've been has not left my mind. Insurance luckily took off a big chunk, but I can't imagine if I actually had to have work done. I feel outrageously upset that I let my anxiety convince me to make an impulse decision out of fear, but I'm also worried that next time I'll think twice with what could be a serious situation that requires me to go to the ER. 

Thanks for letting me rant and if you made it this far thanks for taking the time. I feel better getting this out, but holy shit it is so expensive to be alive. It's making the "enjoying life" bit very difficult right now.