What I truly want is the college experience. I want to be and I miss being in the 18 to 22-year-old bracket. 

I am a bad person and have come to fetishize a certain age group but deep down I don't care. In my eyes, no type of adult friendship and mature romance will ever be good enough simply because they are too old. And also, I find people my age too boring. I want the life stage I missed out on. This feeling will never go away, cause it'll never come back. I'm always gonna be alone. I just can't help but resent everything about adulthood. I resent the thought of dinner just me and a SO having a quiet dinner but to see a group of college students having so much more energy at the next table over. I want that energy but I can't have it now. I'm simply too old and my peers are too old to want that. I really resent people my age, but I know I am stuck with them as my potential friend group. 

I mean it when I say it. I want the college experience. I want my friends to be in the 18-22 bracket and I want my romances in that age bracket too. 

I know this will be unsettling to whoever reads this, but I just don't care.