(Throwaway account)... 

Hi all,

I'm looking for advice.  I am a middle age business professional and have had bad anxiety my entire career.  This anxiety went to totally new levels several years ago when I was employed at a very toxic work place... the CEO regularly berated employees for what he viewed as sub par performance and I remember very well several occasions being yelled at in our conference room in front of peers for failure to secure a contract, etc. I've always been introverted and it got so bad that I would go hide out in the bathroom to miss meetings that I didn't want to attend. I would sit at my desk for hours and not do anything productive because I'd be struggling over some small task that I mentally couldn't resolve (like who to cc on a company email for example).  I ultimately left that company and have started a new job in a great office where people are supportive and available for help, but I STILL have incredible anxiety to the point where I still catch myself obsessing over small details and losing my sensibilities when put on the spot. Example, I Just got out of a group meeting where I hadn't looked at a project they asked me about.  No yelling or unkind words, I just said I would check into it, but I lost it internally... couldn't think about anything else from that point on.  We have update meetings 3 times a week and I'm struggling with getting my real work done because I'm obsessing about being super prepared for the next update meeting 2 days away. 

I have tried everything except drugs (prescription or otherwise). I mean, I've tried yoga,  exercise,  breathing control, mindfulness and nothing has worked.  As I progressed through my career, I told myself that each new position would be an opportunity to overcome this... but it's just gotten worse. I really want this job to work out, but I don't want to have a stroke or a breakdown either.  I know the right answer is to seek professional help, and I ultimately will.  But I'm looking to hear similar stories and how you were able to cope/resolve.