ok I have a question about this

I constantly fear abandonment and rejection. Like all the time even on small scales, like everyday small talk chats with strangers, in friendships and romantic relationships, even with my pets, it's constant. 

I am relatively self-aware about this. I understand it's irrational. I think I do a decent job at 'masking' this anxiety, which might have its own negative repercussions that I won't discuss here. I think I generally come off as cool, aloof, and unconcerned about such things. This is a coping mechanism.

I do not make desperate attempts to avoid abandonment. I recognize that they would not work, would not be fair or healthy, and furthermore that I wouldn't come off well in the process. They would also just be more upsetting to me when they ultimately come crashing down and push the person away even more. I understand all of this intellectually. So I usually don't make these attempts to avoid abandonment. I have made *some* in the past but I'm just not sure if they would qualify as *desperate* or *unreasonable*. I really don't know. They *felt* desperate and traumatic to me, but I don't know if an 'objective' observer would agree.

However, these attempts seem to be one of the main criteria for BPD. What if the "impulse" is there but you're too smart [edit: I am not implying an intelligence correlation here. I meant training and self-control and basically a million negative experiences forcing you toward controlling your behavior.] and have trained yourself too well to act on it? This is what I'm wondering about. The language used to describe these symptoms in diagnostic literature is so vague, it frustrates me.