I dreamt that my current ideas of options moving forward all fired me and failed.  Culinary school in my current workplace, education in a mall book store, all just said it's over.  

I've been suicidally depressed for a while now.  Trying to get off meds and get better.  Trying to drink a lot less and get better.  Trying to think of a job where I can be more satisfied to make things better.

Failure.  Sadness.  I'm not even bitter.  I fell for schemes on the grandest of scales.  I need to take responsibility.  I plan to kill myself when my suicide clause in my insurance runs out so my girlfriend will get enough money to have a chance.  

I spent some money to try and stream some gaming but I really just want to be heard.  I'm dead already and the dead only say one thing:  "Learn from us."