I feel like every time I allow myself to be vulnerable with someone, the worst of me starts to seep out and that I become really toxic. I start to fear night and day about the how the other person may be feeling about me, how weak, overdramatic and pathetic they may think I am. Then I start splitting on the person and think that they are heartless and that I shouldn’t have ever allowed myself to be close to them.

On the other hand, if I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable and talk about my feelings, I start to think that people are only sticking around with me because they don’t know the real me. And every relationships start to feel so hollow. I feel so lonely.

It’s as if I don’t deserve to have a close and healthy with anybody.