Here’s a rant: 

TLDR: I’m getting very upset because I suspect that my previous coworker(s) dislikes me and are plotting or talking shit behind my back. 

I had to leave my last job because of mental health issues rip. And I genuinely felt like I couldn’t trust anyone except maybe like four people. Because whatever you say, and whatever you do will be used against you in the court of public opinion.

Anyways, I’m going back to visit, and I asked someone who still works at the institution about what’s going on there. I mentioned that I am going to visit. They replied “When is the ______?” I replied “July 1st… unless you guys don’t want me to visit but I’ll probably stop by if I’m not busy.” Like why would you ask what day when you can literally just Google it? 🤨 I expected like an oh cool or that’s awesome response. I said that everyone already knows because I know that they’re probably going to tell everyone and I beat them to it. Haha. If they’re not there on July 1st I’m gonna know that my instinct was right. 

Some of the people at the institution, I have a very hard time trusting because they have literally talked bad about everyone. It’s a very gossipy/cliquey environment and I am going to be even more suspicious if they’re both not there on July 1st. I want to go because I miss some of my co-workers there and I promised two of them that I would come back and visit. 

I get that there’s gonna be people in this world who will not like you. And I genuinely don’t care about people who don’t like me, but I don’t appreciate the lack of transparency/rumors/gossip. I cannot control what other people do. But don’t be passive and condescending about it. If you don’t like me just say it to my face. I’ve had trust issues before and when I was little I would sometimes get a feeling that people are talking shit about me even though they’re not. I HATE BEING IGNORED. I KNOW it’s not all about me but I have a hunch. 

They’ve never liked me and always thought I was weird/off-putting. They have both acted nice to my face but I find myself questioning their intentions most of the time. I can’t seem to get past their response. If I don’t get this out I’m going to be up all night obsessing about it and my sleep schedule is already very whack. I’m getting very irritated.