 

30F. I don't know where to begin. This is long but I'll include a TLDR.

I went through an extremely stressful time in January/February, a breakup which led to me living alone. I was okay with the breakup but I lost a huge support system in no time at all, and living alone after years was a jarring change. I work full time and I'm in grad school which also adds to existing stress.

Started a new relationship not long after that, which I've been in ever since. The initial "new relationship" anxiety was there, but ultimately he has been an amazing addition to my life. I still live alone though.

In early March 2021 I got COVID. Had to isolate alone, which was pretty traumatic. The disease itself ran its course normally, but it was pretty terrifying to be alone that whole two weeks. I thought I'd emerge from isolation just so grateful to be alive and happy and worry-free. It's been quite the opposite since then... more like a rollercoaster.

I felt amazing post-COVID for about 2 weeks. But then, it started with pain in my abdomen/pelvis/side in early April... went to the ER in a panic after a week. Bloodwork, CT scan with contrast, and ultrasound found nothing except some liver lesions that I've known about. Went to my OBGYN the day after to double check, and everything checked out.

Still nervous, I went to my GP a week after that. He was not concerned about anything. I didn't realize till that doctors appt that I had lot a lot of weight from the stress and from COVID, so I've been working really hard to gain it back since then, although my full appetite is still not really there. Of course, thought it was cancer. But I noticed real improvement in my stomach pains and bloating once I started eating enough again and exercising.

But then... I went to the dermatologist to get a pre-summer skin cancer screening because I was feeling paranoid. I asked them to remove a mole for cosmetic reasons, and they said it looked totally benign but that they have to biopsy everything just in case. The week-long wait for results was absolutely terrifying. But why? I had that mole my whole life and they said it was fine. I was CONVINCED it wasn't. Made myself sick over it. And guess what. It WAS benign. I got that call last week. Was so relieved...

But then a few days ago I followed up with my gastro about those liver lesions cause you never know right? He said they're totally fine and harmless. Another clean bill of health right...

And yet, I couldn't get past this sensation that lights were flickering. Sometimes, not all the time. And that maybe I had pins and needles sensations in my hands and feet... MS? Could it be? I did wake up with a numb hand once last year, maybe I missed the warning signs. So I went to my GP yesterday to talk about it. He didn't bring up MS, I did. He doesn't think that's what it is but he said if I continue to experience anything to come back.

So naturally what did I do? I left the office and made a neurologist appointment in the parking lot. That's not for over two weeks though. So knowing me, I'll end up in the ER (again) between now and then to try and get a scan sooner. Last night while watching a movie my mind was wandering, thinking I saw flickering lights again, which made me have a panic attack that I think resulted in tunnel vision (more visual disturbances, great). Now I'm convinced I have MS or a tumor.

I'm so stressed that I'm exhausted. The only time I feel good is when I'm out and partying and drinking (as much as one can in COVID world, I am vaxxed). My heart rate never calms down. I'm not even sure I'm breathing normally most of the time. Getting out of bed is something I dread in the morning, cause I don't know what new symptom the day is gonna bring. Need support.

TLDR; Has a stressful 3+ months. I've seen 6 doctors in 5 weeks for issues that doesn't even make sense anymore. So far, I've thought I had ovarian cancer, lymphoma, liver cancer, melanoma, and now MS. No clean bill of health is enough for me anymore.