Okay so I'm diagnosed, my best friend is also diagnosed. Usually we navigate the BPD stuff fairly well but today she told me that she keeps a list of the things I do that upset her so she can make me hurt too. But I'm not doing these things intentionally and it makes me feel super nervous and on edge knowing that she's counting the things I do. And wanting to get revenge. I try so hard to be available and say the right things and be a good friend. I feel really guilty that I've done enough things that warrant keeping a record. I feel like such a shit person right now.