I just cut myself after almost 9 years of not. I finally ruined all my "hard work" and "progress" all because i didnt know what the hell i was doing and watched myself lose control so slowly and calmly. Its not at all how i imagined it would be, my first time. No one is around for me to talk to. Im just very upset and have too many thouts and feelings fight now. Nothing makes sense. Nothing feels okay.