I’m very self aware, and I know I can exhibit toxic traits, especially in the past. I also know that yes, some symptoms of BPD may come off as abusive, but I would not describe myself as such. I didn’t know I had BPD until I was well into my last relationship (3 years). However, my partner was never understanding. She never made an attempt to learn what I was going through or where I came from. She only focused on her own suffering, and I get it—there were ways in which I hurt her. I felt great remorse, and I tried my hardest to get better. Every attempt I made she instantly shot me down, and she would purposely do things to provoke me. She was also very toxic but never could see that in herself—only me. It’s so hard to now have to hear her tell everyone I’m abusive and narcissistic and a bad person. I feel that if she loved me, she would’ve at least tried to support me in some way. It was like she didn’t want me to get better. I loved her so much, and I wanted to die after I would self sabotage our relationship. I think she just brought out the worst in me and triggered my mental health. I’m tired of feeling like I am a terrible person