I've become increasingly distressed about these symptoms and not sure if it's a BPD thing or not (tho it most likely is)

but I just feel like I have no personality whatsoever, and I don't even feel like I have a real physical form that impacts the world around me. I have friends and they are kind to me but I just be who people want me to be - it feels like I am being disingenuous but... I would otherwise be a really toxic &amp; negative person to be around and I don't want to be that person. I know how easy it is for my unchecked BPD to swallow people up. It's so tiring to hide these feelings from everyone, but I also want to make sure that they're my responsibility. 

But I just feel so insanely numb, apathetic and empty. I don't do any hobbies anymore, no interest in things, no ambition... I'm just existing. It honestly feels like I am a ghost. I am a void. A shell of a human. 

I have a lot of friends who have trauma histories like me but they still seem to be able to have hobbies and interests and personalities still, even my friends w BPD. It feels like there's something wrong with me and I feel afraid. 

I feel so distressed every day that these feelings wont go away, because I've felt like this for the past year.