All of my life I’ve been less than human. I do not have a voice or an opinion. At least not One that matters. Apparently a toddler that has two parents and doesn’t accept a step parent is reason to beat them. Apparently a persona having issues or being hurt is a good reason to be molested/worse (proven by multiple people over the years. I’ve never had a voice/ boundaries and I still don’t. 
I have many fears and phobias… some are from trauma some were more taught. My mother had a ton of fears and traumas and instead of talking to a therapist she talked to me. Told me all of her trauma and all of the things I should be afraid of and why. One of those being water. I’m terrified of water. I shower and bathe. Other than that I have a panic attack if it gets in my eyes, I can’t swim, and I’m terrified of boats. My now fiancé knows this and he knows my whole life. He’s been asking for years to do boats/ canoes and I’ve always said no. Last year he took me on a surprise date and it was on those little boats that you get moving by using the paddles like on a bike. I was terrified. The boat was filling with water and I just knew I was going to die. It’s doesn’t help that we are both over weight. Me 220 him 320. Today we go fishing and before we leave the house we agree no boat. We get there and he rents the  paddle boat. Him and his little sister are trying to convince me and I just keep saying no. Eventually my fiancé agrees. He says no boat. I go to the bathroom and I come back out and they are getting on the row boat. I get on the boat and I’m terrified. His sister tells me to stop… that I’m embarrassing them. I say i don’t care but truth is I do. Every time my fiancé moves the whole boat feels like it’s going to tip and I would start panicking or crying and he would huff and roll his eyes. Another problem is neither of them have been fishing before so they need me to help them. Which I can’t do because I’m too terrified to move. They mess there poles up so we go back to shore so I can help them fix it. After the employee there fixes their poles and shows them how to use them they try to get back on the boat. I say no and I stay on the shore. I eventually had my parents come pick me up. We come back together back home and he gave a horrible apology and then said that he was trying to get my out of my comfort zone and that it’s unfair that he’s had to sacrifice so much because of my fears. Then confirming another one of my worst fears/insecurities. That I am a burden. I’ve always been a burden. I’m sorry.