I had a former friend who had BPD. She was not on medication at the time and did a lot of crazy things e.g. hurting herself in front of me, stalking me, lying, stealing etc. 

She had an intense fixation and obsession with me (i.e. FP). She constantly told me she was jealous and wanted to keep me to herself. Yet, she would hurt me not long after I forgave her each time. 

Being an avoidant and having an odd childhood myself, I sympathised and empathised with her; but constantly pushed her away like I do with everyone, but especially her due to the clinginess. At times she expressed she liked me more than her romantic interests. 

Finally, some years ago, I ended the friendship for good. 

But even after a few years I still find myself thinking about it. My odd experiences growing up drew me to her. 

I never open up to people, but we talked about things honestly and openly; the darkest things, because in some weird way she was so overtly intense and obsessive that I didn’t feel judged for anything or act like I had to put up a front. In turn, she did the same.

Sometimes I entertain the thought of potentially reaching out to her, but when I then think about it more deeply, I realise it will never be a good idea and so I never will. 

But I recognise, in her own way, she cherished me a lot. 

Goodbye. ❤️

tl;dr former friend and I had a toxic friendship. I still think about her sometimes and wonder if I will ever have such a raw friendship ever again.