My drinking has gotten out of control these last few months. I am ashamed. I hate myself even more. I am disgusted by who I have become. I am drinking almost a pint of vodka per day just to numb my emotions and pain of depression. Getting out of bed seems like a chore.

It has even led me to do things that are way out of character for me. I was so hungover for work one day that I couldnt go in, so I said that my stepfather passed away as an excuse for a few days off. It was completely on a whim and I couldnt even believe it after I did it. All because of alcohol. I am probably going to have to resign from the job as HR is now wanting to meet with me. I am disgusted by myself.

I had a great job as a nurse. I have a great family. A great gf of 8 months. I just keep self-sabotaging myself with alcohol. It just goes to show what a monster depression really is. As im about to be without a job, maybe I need to take this time to get myself together mentally. There are plenty of jobs for nurses out there, so I’m trying to stay positive. But I have now ruined my last 2 jobs and I’m financially ruined. I'll probably have to ask for some help from my dad in the meantime, which kills me.

I hope I am not alone. Im just looking for any kind of support and advice out there right now, and this community is going to be a big part of me getting through this. I am truly at rock bottom and almost 30. I need to change, now, before I end up killing myself. We can do this.