I guess everything is my fault. I’m pretty sure my friend hates me. There are just some things I don’t want to share nor tell, so I lie. I only lie to protect my friends and hide what’s going on with me. They have enough on their plate already, I don’t want to add to that. I already feel like shit and knowing my friend isn’t talking to me, makes me sad. I just want to curl up into a ball and die. I already have a shit life and this just makes it worse. I’ve been a loner my entire life. Yeah I’ve had friends but never hanged out with them and honestly they were fake. I’m wondering if the friends I have now are fake. Maybe that’s just my intrusive thoughts. I was so pissed yesterday that I hurt myself. I want to do it again. My friends don’t deserve me. They should find someone better. I guess me caring about them results in them being mad. I guess in the end it doesn’t even matter….