I've been in therapy for a long time, nearly 20 years now. I completed MBT some years ago. I become quite obsessed with thinking about the way I think, because that was what we did in therapy. 

I know my thoughts are disordered and I will always have to make a conscious effort to monitor my thought patterns, because I slip into harmful thinking all the time. 

I also do this with relationships, because interpersonal issues are ever present for me. And I get told often that what I'm doing was hurtful, etc. when I didn't even realise, so every conversation I have I replay over and over again in my mind. 

My bpd was caused by parenting that didn't meet my needs. So many things have happened over my childhood that I cannot get over, that I'm so confused about, that I know I will never be able to get closure for from my mom, so I try to analyse what happened like we would in the MBT group and make sense of it that way. This is hard because my relationship with my mom isn't healthy, so I still experience these confusing, invalidating situations today. 

When I have disagreements with mom, often we'll sit down and discuss what happened when we're both in a better place. But whenever I comment on her behaviour, or patterns in it, or god forbid if I use a technical term like 'black and white thinking', she will get very angry. Say that she's sick of being psychoanalysed and doesn't want to interact with me knowing that I will do that. I once wrote down a hurtful comment that she made (I was like 15) because I wanted to remember it to discuss in therapy. She saw it and was furious, saying that I was going in there to psychoanalyse her with my psychiatrist.

Am I doing something terrible, when I look in detail at the way my mom behaves? My motive is to establish better communication, because the relationship is so damn painful all the time and I'm tired. I just want a happy, healthy relationship with my mom. But she views it as invasive and that I'm attacking her in some way.