Been about 4 months I think FP free, my therapist has begun to notice progress in my mental state, starting to learn to fight off anxiety, learning to rationalize, learning to be patient, etc.

I have quiet BPD so Ik it'll be different for everyone, but my FP's have always been extremely toxic, manipulative people (I wasn't perfect either, as i tended to mirror their behavior) and I swore after my last FP I would never have one again. So far, I'm actually really enjoying fp free life. No longer constantly thinking about an FP, actually able to focus on other people for once. Getting better with communication over text, able to handle one worded replies somewhat commonly. 

I'm glad I don't have an FP anymore, it's my first milestone in my progress. I have a long way to go still, but this gives me a little hope for my path towards healing. The stigma that we aren't able to improve is definitely false. 

I am still a people pleaser and don't let myself be happy and have extremely low self esteem and no self confidence but I'm working on that currently. The day i find a way to fight my paranoia and learn to control my emotions and no longer have an identity disturbance, is the day I truly will feel free i think, but until then i will keep pushing myself to improve my flaws and learn to find myself. 

I'll prove to my mother that she was wrong, I'll prove I'm not what she always screamed at me, i will learn to fight these memories of the abuse too. Hopefully one day..