we’ve been together for almost 3 years and i love him. i see a future with him, but these past few weeks we’ve been in the process of officially moving in together and the process itself sort of… it revealed him to be a bit careless and irresponsible in ways i never really noticed. like… very careless in areas where we couldn’t afford to be &amp; i was irritated by this bc i felt like i was almost mothering him, despite me being the one in the relationship with no experience living away from my parents (this is his 4th apartment, my first) 

it got careless to the point that he assumed we’d be able to move in/sign the lease and told me the date he’d assumed without being 100% sure and we ended up, honestly, being temporarily houseless for over a week. but about 4 days in, he suggested i go to my hometown until the apartment was ready for us to move into and i jumped at the opportunity. 

so i drove back home and stayed with my parents where i’ve been since last thursday &amp; being at home and away from him for the first time in forever (this is this longest we’ve been apart in almost a year. ive also realized we unfortunately have a very codependent relationship during this) has allowed me to actually reflect on certain aspects of our relationship and i got…. extremely angry at how irresponsible he’d been during this process. how he continuously made promises he knew he couldn’t really live up to even though i asked him to stop doing that bc it’s like lying to me. and i don’t need to be lied to just bc he thinks it’ll comfort me in the moment. i don’t like when he lies to me. 

and my (what i feel like) normal upset feelings about genuinely upsetting aspects and events throughout our relationship…. i think that’s turned into me splitting? i was only home for 48 hours before i felt so… cold towards him. like questioning if i even loved him at all anymore, extremely sudden. i started re-doing my post-graduation plans (we’re in college) for the possibility that i may break up with him by the end of this school year — like that far. just felt… next to nothing. 

and i feel extremely guilty and disgusted with myself for it but it just feels like ive shut down completely. i know i love him but the past 6 days? i just feel intense anger and almost disgust  towards our relationship. and i think some of this is mixed in with actual valid feelings so it’s extremely confusing for me. 

this fucking sucks.