Hi everyone, I'm making this post for advice on how to get someone with signs of bpd to seek medical help. I will go into some detail and I apologize for any ignorance related to bpd. My mother has been causing a complete havoc in our home since I can remember and things are only getting worse. Through a lot of lying and manipulation I always reasoned with her or blamed myself for irrational things. My dad has been the most affected by it all where she has turned him into a child and for reasons I never knew, let's her. He had an accident in the past which has troubled his abilities to retain some memory, he also relies on sleeping pills because of it. She holds onto this and has completely debilitated him through ongoing emotional abuse to the point where he believes he's dependent on her. Since my dad has been the one on medication, going on psychiatric visits to follow up with his accident, she always blamed her behavior on his condition and his inability to do x. Now I realize my dad never really did anything wrong and despite his issues was the most sane in our household.


I recently connected with my aunts  (her sisters) on the matter and put together the puzzle pieces. I was told countless stories from her childhood until now of her lying, manipulating, being violent, and changing herself drastically for the guise of others, exhibiting grandiose personality traits. To my surprise they've always suspected something aswell. 

I sadly feel little empathy for my mom because of all that's she has put me and my family through. At the same time I feel for her alot but my pride does not allow me to physically or verbally express that I still love her. (She makes up that she has no family, no one loves her or has ever helped her) As I become more conscious of the condition I am becoming more understanding and confirming to acts that she will appreciate.

I feel the most for my dad who has had to endure and believe all that comes out of her mouth through al these years and especially now when I'm mostly away for college. He has less agency for things and it will take me to intervene to save him hopefully by finding him somewhere else to live. 

I've finally gotten the vocabulary/ will to step in and question her behavior seriously. In the past she used to deny having any problems and actually took offence to me mentioning that she needs to seek medical help. (Though this was perhaps bc I always brought it up during arguments) During another one of our arguments she admitted that she has a problem but deflected the issue and said I'm the one with the bigger problem. She says that if she's going, everyone around her also has to because the problem stems deep. (Not sure she means she is aware of the severity of her issues/ what has created trauma)  In my reasoning shes the originator of the problems in our home and needs help asap. She also invented that her going to therapy would mean she would have to leave her job, and be on medication which she despises. She became almost hysterical accusing me of wanting to send her away to a nursing home of some sorts. She is only in her 40s and this thinking has been even more confusing when I heard it as a child.

Going to therapy for her would be an embarrassment and would really hurt her ego. Knowing her she'll be most upset about family/ friends finding out aswell and them thinking that shes "crazy". I know there are no simple answers to this but I am looking for the best way to help her with it all for my family and mostly for her to lead a better her life. How does someone with this condition react to this? Does it feel accusatory, are they usually conscious but wont express it? Is there anything that I can do to help her understand + attend sessions?