...and in many ways it's eye-opening with some relief of knowing that my struggles with life have a reason behind it, but it has also ratcheted up my depression because all it does, to me, is reinforce the horrible feeling that I i'll still probably die by suicide....only now there's affirmation that I have a statistically higher chance.

Sure, I got referred for DBT and have a handful of prescriptions, but I can't help but shake the continuous feeling that this will only serve to bide my time and pad other peoples' wallets. 

Why bother?