im almost too afraid to try to talk to my parents as the one time i told them i didnt want to exist it turned into a huge argument and then the next week they began treating me the same way as they did before.

I continuously feel trapped in my own mind, not like intrusive thoughts, well, i guess they are intrusive, but not in the same way as a voice in my head telling me to do something. its like i get stuck in a loop, where my mind is trying to figure out whats its feeling/ what is going on, but what its feeling/ what is going on is not knowing what its feeling/ what is going on. It is very hard to explain and it only started happening around 3 months ago, sometimes i am able to shake this feeling off and other times i cannot no matter what i do. How the loop goes ( to the best of my ability) goes as such:

1. I feel a feeling
2. I try to figure out what feeling I am feeling
3. I realise that the feeling that i am feeling is the feeling of not knowing what i am feeling
4. the feeling changes just enough to restart this cycle

How i said the loop doesnt make much sense but i hope it makes enough for you to understand

If anyone has experienced anything similar and has found a way to overcome this  I would love to know. Thanks