So I wrote a couple of days ago about the girl at work who triggered my fear of abandonment from my boyfriend. It's only gotten worse. Yesterday we had an argument about it which led nowhere because I just blurted out my irrational thoughts and he felt guilted (and rightfully so). I took a lot of anxiety meds (benzodiazepines) and fell asleep. Today I've just felt even more anxious which I think partially is a chemical reaction due to the pills I took yesterday. All I want to do is sleep and cry. And while I do realize this will probably be a tiny bit better tomorrow (if I don't medicate tonight as well which I'm not planning to), you know how we work... it's all or nothing. I feel like I've *always* been this sad and that this is the worst bout of depression *ever* and that I will *never* be happy again. It also bothers me because I really led a pretty good and balanced life the last few weeks or month, where I actually got dressed most days, had breakfast and cleaned the house and generally had more energy to be a calm and nice girlfriend/friend/daughter. 

What are your tips on the go to make my situation the tiniest bit better? I will meet up my boyfriend in two hours to go shopping for some spa products and we will have a spa evening but I'm afraid my thoughts are barring me from actually enjoying it without causing a huge scene because of some "misstep" on his part (like I did yesterday when I lashed out on him because of all the bottled up anxiety and insecurity about this woman at work that I wrote about in my last post). 