I don't think I'll ever get the covid shot. I'm afraid I'm being lied to. I'm young and healthy. I'm antisocial so I don't go out except to pickup food or to hike alone. I always wear a mask around others. I'm pretty sure I had it back in January '20 so I don't see the need to get the shot. 

When I was a child, I was betrayed by those who were supposed to protect me. They continually harmed me but swore it was love. I believed them. I sought out relationships where I was being used. I was an outcast and loser. I didn't see myself that way. I saw myself as a conduit for good. Do no harm, even when it was done unto me. I'd always hope that they'd see my meekness and desire for peace. They did, and they took advantage repeatedly. 

I can't tolerate anything being forced on me and am suspicious of good intent. There is a chance that my fears are irrational, but I can't rely on outside opinion. Most haven't worn these shoes.  When people tell me they know what's good for me, it's a big red flag. They don't know me. I don't trust them. Give me the information and let me make my own decision. I might make the wrong one, I'm good with that. Others aren't and I'm becoming worried about the threats to coerce obedience.

They're making a home for my anxiety.