tw // mentions of suicide right at the end

they want me to sign people up for credit cards because we are partnered with a credit card company or some shit.

to get anyone to sign up you have to annoy them into saying yes because obviously nobody wants a new bulkshit credit card, and obviously this is very hard for me because i hate when people are frustrated or angry with me. 

i don’t know what to do. my bosses have been absolutely on my ass because i haven’t signed someone up in weeks and everyone else gets one a day AT LEAST. i feel like a failure and i want to quit, but the only thing more anxiety inducing than the job itself is the idea of quitting and 

a) having no references for my resume (besides my boss from delivering flyers when i was 14)

b) going through the resignation process

c) having no money.

i am 18 and need to start getting serious about my life, but i don’t know if forcing myself to stay at a job i’m miserable at is the right thing to do. is this what life is like? i seriously don’t want to live like this and suicide sometimes feels like the only real way out.