Hey, i've just been kicked out of parent house, im 21 in college, my father is abusive and beat my mum since i even remember, today we got into argument and screamed at each other, i called him a fucker, and he for the first time hit me... till now he was just emotinoally abusive (which is actually worse for me) i've been bullied since elementary school, just for where do i live, i never felt like i belong somwhere, just kinda fit somewhere (if you know what i mean... when noone would miss you if you left the group). This all changed when i met my first girlfriend at the age of 19, we shared a lot of interests and had a lot of similiar traumas, we were deeply in love and spend all the time we could together, meanwhile finnishing high school. Our number 1 rule was to never lie to each other and just be honest, we can always work things out. But 2 months ago she broke up with me, becasue im not ambicious and i dont do anything  to be healthy and fit (i actually do firesport but this was just out season and i was getting depressed to even go out of house, bcs of work and college troubles), i also found out that she lied to me about a lot of stuff thought our relationship, and absolutly awoke my trust issues again, bcs i just felt like im perfect relationship, but she was just lying to me... it was mostly about small things tho, but few of them were actually REALLY important. And since then i was absolutly broke, crying before sleep, and getting just about 4 hours of sleep daily, if i got to even fall asleep... and since today i've lost even my family i dont know what to do with my life, i dont know shit about IT which i study, so i cant even work with that, but i need work to live on my own, but work i am currently at is just not fit for me, but i won't find one with better salary to keep myself a flat i pay and keep going to college...  currently im stuck just with myself and i cant even meet new people bcs i dont feel like it, but i know i need it...  


anyway thank you for reading my rant, i actually dont know what do i wanna hear (read) from you guys... i just had to get it out... (im gonna be happy if you correct any english, im still learning it as my second language)