In 2019, I applied for beauty school. Our school took clients and I was motivated to become a cosmetologist. But in 2020, the pandemic happened and the school was shut down for a year. I was able to return to school to finish my hours. I was able to finish my babyboard practical exam but I failed my babyboard written test twice. During those time between babyboard written test, I worked at a independent salon by a former student who went to the same beauty school as me. I thought I would learn so much and I though my motivations would boost up. But about few months working there, my depression got worse. I was often criticized by my performance and my boss says that my skills used to be good but went downhill. She also pointed out the mistakes that I made on her clients and criticized me in front her clients. I feel embarrassed and I kept crying non-stop. October 2021 was so bad that I was dealing financial problems and my depression made me suicidal. I didn’t take the 3rd babyboard written test because I know I would fail and I would have to take the practical again and I didn’t want that. I felt overwhelmed and I don’t know if I see myself as a cosmetologist in the future. I spent all my hours and money into this career and I don’t want to waste it all. I quit that salon on thanksgiving and it made me a little lighter. I found a new job which is a franchise salon but as a receptionist. I’m glad that I quit the independent salon but it still bothers me if my motivation would come back to me.