I have a lot of trouble convincing normal people that I actually have as low self esteem as I seem to. It feels like there's always this long awkward period where they just think I am bullshitting to get compliments. It takes months for them to see that I actually have painfully low self esteem.

I was thinking about this since a guy I am seeing I think didn't really get it until he made a fat joke about me and then I cried for several hours and couldn't calm down. Obviously, an over reaction. I think he genuinely didn't get that I ACTUALLY see myself as fat. No, not like "I haven't been to the gym in ages" but I actually view myself as a fat person even though I logically know I am not.

Ugh. This is so frustrating. It's kind of like a body dysmorphia but no one really gets it. Plus when I say I am not good at x, y or z, it's because I genuinely don't think I am good at that thing. Not because I am trying to get compliments.

Anyone else seem to always have to spend AGES convincing people they actually have self esteem this low? It feels annoying because I hate feeling like I have to work to make people believe me. Sorry if this is a bit disjointed. Just kind of brain vomit right now for how I am feeling.