i need to turn my back completely and ignore the pathetic thoughts. for nearly 5 years theyve treated me horribly, call me a piece of shit, that I have brain damage, tell me i don’t get it, need to figure it out and be better, meet their expectations theyve admitted no one ever does meet their expectations and that they think theyre a sociopath, that they hurt me on purpose just to get reactions. id spend so much time trying to help them with absolutely no closure, no thank you. excuse their shit, tell them its okay to not feel any care towards me. haven’t asked me how I’m doing in years. we been talking every now and then lately and i was gonna make them a christmas present but they went off on me yesterday saying I should help them or just shut up/go away and I said goodbye. idk how i feel, angry but don’t know what at anymore, just wanna get away from everybody, don’t know who anybody is. tired of reminding myself im the crazy one as people walk over me and that I deserve it because i have bpd and whatever. im not proud, dont feel anything, so tired of the tug of war of black and white