Literally this week has been a fucking nightmare. So to give some context my fp was someone who I guess you can say we had a small thing for each other but we never dated. It was so confusing like it was never established if we were dating or not. This was about a year ago and things just weren’t going well so I cut all contact with him. He liked pictures of other girls and even commented “I love you” on a girl HE USED TO LIKE I was devastated and I didn’t talk to him again until a year later. A few months back we started talking again and instantly all my feelings for him came back and this is where it all went down hill. He is someone with a flirtatious personality (you can already see where this leads) and he would give me mixed signals constantly. He would tell me that he loves me and that he cares about me but I took this as him wanting to be with me. I was really attached to him and I would literally pace around my room waiting for him to respond to my texts and I’d have breakdowns and overthink if he lagged for too long. I would also completely open up to him and allow myself to be vulnerable and I would try to make plans with him so that we can see each other but that went no where. It became an obsession where I wouldn’t talk to anyone but him and he was constantly on my mind. I would fantasize about us being together and him being my boyfriend. Then fast forward to June (June is when everything got bad) I followed him on Twitter and I went through his likes constantly. Any time I would see that he liked a pic of a girl or even a random girls tweet I would lag on him. Then him and another close friend of mine were flirting. It was more of them just messing around and not for real flirting but still this was like the final straw for me. Especially since she knew I liked him. I cut that friend off and haven’t talked to her since. With him I was so hurt and angry. I felt like everything he told me was a lie and I felt so stupid for investing so much of myself and time into him. I started to lag on him and it just led to me cutting him off completely. I felt nothing but confusion and hatred towards him. So flash forward to a few days ago and I get a text from him. MY HEART FUCKING EXPLODED. The text was him just reaching out to me and asking if I was okay and saying that he was sorry if he did or said anything to bother me. I lagged on him for a few days after receiving that text because I’ve already been feeling so horrible lately I just couldn’t handle him in that moment. But I did end up responding which I know is a big mistake because when he lagged on me for an hour I cried. I don’t know how I feel about him anymore I’m so confused like I don’t know if I still love him or if I hate him. I’m trying really hard to not get attached to him but it’s so difficult. I thought I was doing better without him but now that he’s back everything is going to get bad again.