I never really had a problem talking to new people and usually I can be myself and say for the most part what I have on my mind.  

So what happened:
 
One of my coworker is a nice girl around my age, we never really talked mostly because I usually avoided everyone at my workplace and used to chill alone in recess time. We started to chat a bit one day after everyone else left and I took a liking to her. Eventually I asked her out. 

 The date went ok and we went to 4 more dates after that. The thing is.. she is like a super social person, the opposite of me.

I started to care about her.. I got attached. But at the same time I could never be myself around her and I dont understand why.. its like my brain shutsdown the moment she walks in. As I said, I never had a problem around new people but this time is different. I dont know what to say and I feel anxious.

I get extremly passive and it annoys me, its like I have no control over my actions.

She on the other hand was and still is confortable around me to the point where she was telling me what problems are on her mind and I was always there to listen.
She also ended a relationship of 9 months recently with a childhood friend and she is in weird situation with him.

I told her that I like her and she rejected me but I kinda expected that to happen because as I said I never alowed to be myself around her and the fact that she ended a relationship might also be a reason for that.

We still talk and act like usual but I still feel this anxiety around her and I feel pathetic.

I'm 185, atlethic and I'm actually quite handsome but my self esteme is at the bottom right now.

Now I'm scared I will act this way to every person that I get feelings for and my mind is killing me.
I dont know what to do, I feel like I hit rockbottom.

I dont want to go back to my confort zone but Im also lost out here.

I cant do this shit anymore..