Hello!! 

I have been feeling really shit lately but it’s nothing new because I have frequent periods of this since I was 13 (I’m 18 now) and I finally want to get diagnosed professionally. 

These periods of shittiness have negatively affected my life so much and I’m so sick of it. Moreover, this quarantine is not helping and staying with my parents 24/7 is psychologically hell for me since they are the root cause of it by emotionally abusing me. A few years ago I had to go therapy in school which made my parents know about my state and yet they belittle me like saying I’m trying to look like a victim (when asking for help) or when I couldn’t get out of bed because I literally felt so empty and awful at the time and I didn’t know why. They told me how disappointing I am and how I should be like my younger sisters. 

There a lot more stuff but these are the some ones when they know I’m suffering from mental illness because the school told them so. Which made me even worse even I just felt even more vulnerable when they do stuff like that. I know it’s a bit petty but I’m really sensitive when it comes to my parents’ words. 

Now, I’ve realised that I’ve totally strayed away from my main point which is asking anyone here; *how do I seek professional help without my parents eavesdropping on me?* (cause I live with them and there’s only phone sessions with a therapist coz of quarantine)  

I really need help fighting this heavy emptiness and I feel like medications will do the trick and I need them asap as my uni grades really matter this year and I could already a steep decline I’m sorry for the rant which goes all over the place but this is the only place I could release my thoughts without me feeling shit afterwards. If you’ve read all of this I am very grateful for you ❤️