I am so, absolutely, in love with my dog. Something about an animal that needs you more than anything I have a big soft spot for. He will follow me absolutely anywhere - to the ends of the earth. He is so loyal and sweet, I could never ask for a better dog.

Through every single friendship I have lost, he has always been there. I’ve lost hundreds of friends because I couldn’t control my behavior. I never knew I had ‘issues’. He has been there, time and time again, to gently lay his head on my lap and look up at me with comforting eyes when I was heartbroken from losing someone else. I was a horribly toxic person, but he would always be there - waiting for me to wake up, waiting for me to get out of the shower, waiting patiently to be by my side again. He didn’t know I was toxic.

My dog is almost 13 years old now. I cry because  he’s getting white around the face and he has more tumors than I can count. I cry because sometimes I feel like he is the only thing I have left and I am so TERRIBLY afraid to lose him.

I know many people will read this and think, “you’re a little too obsessed with your dog.” Yes, I am. He reminds me of me. He would follow me to the end of the earth. And I understand loving something so much that you feel like life isn’t worth living without them. 

I am getting better now. I can almost say that I am BPD ‘free’. But I still have my moments. When he goes, I have a feeling I won’t be alright for a while. But I will fondly look back and remember how many times he has helped me when life felt unbearable.

I hope he’ll stay here for as many more years as possible.
