Hi  
I'm new here  
Both on Reddit and in depression  
And i really don't know how to deal with it  
Do you have any tips?

I am stuck in a loop of suicidal thoughts.  
From November i was working on a project for my class (less than an hour every two weeks, so not that much really) with Kazakhstan suicide rates as the topic. I was looking for a solid dataset, which was not easy, so i had to compile it by myself, inspecting super hard to find official government reports. So i was doing month by month, copying, pasting, formatting and cleaning data. It was so strange to see the numbers. Not only because of the numbers itself, but also because of all the subcategories and the fact, that it was so simple and dry as if it wasn't about real people. "Method of committing suicide: hanging 2964, use of firearms 62, use of sharp objects 201, falling from height 226, poisoning 168..." etc etc "Factors preceding suicide: loneliness, financial problems, housing problems,  family problems, work or study-related problems, unwanted pregnancy, loss, health problems" etc etc.  I am translating here, but in the actual report, it is so much drier.  And it is 3951 in total for 2021. 10.82 people every single day.

First, it was just a realization, being worried about the social issue and the project and whatnot, but with time my own mental health worsened significantly and suicidal thoughts are not that abstract anymore. I am thinking of it almost constantly. Silly enough, but one of the reasons holding me back (apart from being a coward and having some close people i don't want to hurt) is that i have so many group projects at school and work, and i feel i can't just leave without finishing them. Like, it would be so unfair to all my teammates.

Still, these thoughts are constantly with me. Like, would it be that big of a deal? After all, won't it just be another +1 in total? My mind is messy and i don't know how to speak or write anymore. I just want to heal. I just want to feel a little better. But I really don't know how.  So yeah, I wrote this confession just to ask, do you have any bits of advice? What helps or helped you?