***TW: self harm/suicide talk***

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(This question was pulled from a YouTube video by Thoraya ‘What scares you most about yourself?’)

I wanted to share my response here with like-minded ppl who understand.
Pls share yours if you feel comfortable to, I know a lot of us feel quite alone &amp; are needing to talk with someone… 

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***TW: self harm/suicide talk***

I’m scared that one day my impulses will get the best of me &amp; in a rash moment I’ll actually do something irreversible &amp; detrimental, taking my life in the span of one minute of having the thought of kms. When most likely what I needed &amp; need in these moments—was and is love, reassurance &amp; safety.

This true scenario, that I fight against during my darkest moments, is what scares me the absolute most about myself. I never know what will happen to me—or what actions I’ll take in result of new traumatic events and or quick self catastrophizing moments in time.

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It had been a month since I last sh yesterday, while my face and head are now sore from all the punching, as I feel this pain, it’s a hard reminder of what I wish I hadn’t done. What I wish I had the Will power to do. And what I’m fighting each and every day to not do. I wish my brain would autopilot to loving myself during hard times but it actually does the opposite, it wishes to end me.