I don't know whether this is a schizophrenic thing or autism related or if I'm just weird but...

If the controls are simple enough I can dissociate for hours playing games like subway surfers on just one run. It puts me in this captive space where I'm beyond cognitive function and I'm safe from unpleasant introspection. While listening to music there are increments where I reach sweet absolution. When thoughts occur it's more as if I am the thoughts which sounds like it could be bad but it's nice because I'm in no position to refute them, there's no division. I can't move either. When I do stop I forget what it's like to inhabit my typical perceptions and mannerisms for a bit. There's a moment of hope i won't settle into the same wreck of a person but I always do. I didn't realize how abnormal this compulsion is until my sister saw my high score which I now know is very emberassing to disclose. I started doing it bc I saw everyone else did but apparently not like me. Same thing happened w PVZ2 now that i think back I played every world through countless times. I'm basically an iPad baby, I sit like one too. I'm just beyond grossed out with myself, if only I'd cling to a constructive cope. I'll figure it out one day.