Every single day i go through a rollercoaster of emotions. I have to take constant smoke breaks to ease my anxiety because my doctor denied giving me anti anxiety medication on top of my mood stabilizer. I get so incredibly depressed when my boyfriend doesn’t respond to my messages and i feel like it’s the end of the world and he doesn’t love me. I got this rush of emotions because I read about emotional permanence and had no idea it had a name or was an actual symptom of BPD. Then I felt like killing myself when I realized that I will forever struggle with these feelings for the rest of my life. I hate that I feel so strongly about everything, I hate how all my feelings are unintentionally exaggerated by 100x. I get terrible bouts of paranoia out of no where and i will never be able to trust my “gut feeling/intuition” because it’s all fabricated by my brain. I don’t understand when people complain that their meds make them numb when I’d rather feel nothing than everything at once. I’m so tired of these mood swings, I hate my life so much sometimes.