After 2 years battling with severe anxiety and panic attacks I want to finally end this shit once for all. Today's morning was terrible, like always. After not eating my breakfast and vomiting I said "Fuck it" and went to school anyway. On the street I felt something really strange in the heart. Was like a shaking of the heart and i felt really dizzy and confused. After being scared to death by this I started to do my breathing exercise. I had the same heart symptom 4 times. I called my therapist for an advice and he said to me:"The choice is yours, you can battle this and go to school or go home, but you will need to go to see a doctor". I'm really scared of hospitals and doctors due to a lung disease (nothing too serious) that made me stay in hospital for some time. Anyway. I went home and now I'm waiting to call my doctor. I'm scared of doing exams because I'm scared to find something, like a heart disease. I'm really scared.
I was a guy who really liked going to party's, hanging with friends, trying to find a girlfriend, love my school so much, being out in nature and run, talking with new people...
Now I lost all contact with my friends, I can't take the dog out without feeling like I'm gonna to die. I can't even look in the eyes of people. I lost a year of school and now I can't follow in class. The girls that I had a crush on, now see me not talking, shaking and being scared. Also I have trouble breathing when doing stairs in school, is 3 years that I don't run or do a little jump. I live in loneliness and fear. Is terrible. But now I want all of it to end. The major symptom and preoccupation is my heart. I did already a bunch of test after a major panic attack last year. All negative. Now I will do every exam to prove myself I'm heathy and finally killing this anxiety. I want my life back.
Thanks for reading.