I (36F) quit my tech job 2 months ago to train to become a yoga teacher. My job was very stressful, severely triggering my bipolar symptoms, making it difficult to keep going, as the days rolled by.
I confided to my immediate supervisor, someone whom is very loved and respected at the company, that I am bipolar and that my other teammate (23F fresh out of college) was pushing all of her work - particularly the difficult, more tedious tasks - off on me, making life severely challenging.
Historically, I have shut my mouth at other jobs and took the abuse until I ended up breaking down and being sent to the emergency room for suicidal ideation or, at another job, handcuffed at home and sent to the psych ward for telling my parents I couldn’t handle life anymore, alluding to suicide.
The pandemic, working from home (minimal training and constantly changing requests from the client - a very large social media company), desperation and stress, led me to begin self harming. I didn’t want to go down the very expensive path of hospitals and psych wards again, so I decided to be upfront with my supervisor so maybe I could keep my job and my life.
Unfortunately, 2 months went by with reminders every now and then to the supervisor that I was still being taken advantage of. Supervisor eventually looked into it and noticed that I was not just saying things to start shit. Said she would have a talk with the coworker so this didn’t happen “to anyone else” again.
Supervisor also began pushing me to train the new employee because I produced the best work and was a pretty solid employee. (The new employees also got weeks of training compared to less than 4 hours that I got). I kept telling Supervisor I couldn’t train them in the end - the anxiety and stress and panic attacks were too much. Based off my work ethic, work history, Performance, time management, organizational skills, etc, I had hoped that I would be taken seriously and helped. But for someone who “understood”, that all went out the window when I said I wasn’t able to help.
In the meantime, to keep myself from literally killing myself, I took up yoga. For once, I did not want to die. So I thought, “this is it! This is what I am meant to do and it gets me out of corporate!” Talked it over with my trauma therapist. Have support from my husband. Quit my job.
Right after I quit, the Supervisor was promoted to a senior leadership role. She apologized when I put my notice in, saying that she was sorry she didn’t help faster, and “though it was not an excuse, she was too busy preparing and finishing a major project” … that helped to get her promoted.
And…the coworker who pushed her work off on me - also got promoted to a senior position! Because she knows how to talk the talk. She now makes $10k more than I ever have and got there by pushing her work and difficult work off on me so her quality scores did not look bad.
I have had solid positions in healthcare, finance, marketing and did ok in tech. I held on the best I could to every job until I almost died, because I know there is no help and no hope and major stigma regarding Bipolar. I know bipolar people often end up homeless.
The thought of hustling and struggling to find work as a yoga instructor is beyond overwhelming. I can’t imagine teaching yoga anymore, so I keep putting off my yoga training. I’m about 1/3 of the way through.
I don’t know what to do. I hate watching people who do not struggle with mental illness, succeed in this world, while I keep taking underpaid, abusive, backbreaking admin or support jobs, trying to be responsible, trying to live.
I see an (expensive) trauma therapist weekly. Eat right, exercise 5 - 6 days a week. Supportive husband. Sober from alcohol 9.5 years, tobacco 3.5 years. Yoga, meditate, read forum after forum on spirituality to try to gain new perspectives.
I TRY SO HARD EVERY DAY TO LIVE WHEN THERE ARE ASSHOLES OUT THERE WHO WILL SCREW ANYONE OVER TO GET AHEAD. I have watched my bipolar uncle live his life on the streets. My dad, underemployed or unemployed my whole life.
I try so hard and I don’t know how to catch a break. 
Please share how you get by just living with Bipolar. Because I fear one day it will kill me, and after reading recent spirituality posts on suicide, I really believe I’m fucked because I don’t want to do this all over again (or worse), if the answers are to be believed.
I just want to live. But not like this.
Thank You.