I'm so over everything at this point. Little back story..

So I'm a divorced mom with two of little girls, ages 2 &amp;4. I got divorced about a year and a half ago. The divorce was a disaster. Their dead beat dad fought me over everything and I drained all my savings for a lawyer.

Prior to the divorce I was a stay at home mom. So I only had 6000 saved. He left me with nothing. Turned off all credit cards when he left and didn't help with anything.

I also had him arrested for domestic abuse on the day he left. Long story short it was hell for a year.

When the divorce ended. He was granted 6 days a month. So basically I do everything. Plus for child support I get a whopping 160 A week. I work as a CNA and have to drive my girls a hr to daycare everyday because it's the only one that takes the voucher I have. Another worry is my voucher expires soon. It was granted from dcf after my ex abused me.

So my birthday is coming up. Last year it was horrible. My mom threw a surprise 30th with all her friends! She only invited one of mine, saying the rest didn't get back to her. Long story short she is a narrsist and are relationship can be Rocky. When she says jump I say how high. She wants me to travel for my bday a hr to have cake at her house then two days later for Easter as well. I'm just so sick of it. She also said dont expect anything and when she says that she means it. My dad I haven't seen in maybe 5 months, yet he lives 30 mins away. Can't even come say hi on my bday, hasn't even seen my new apartment. 

Now to my bf... We are going on 1 year may 5th. He's a great guy but lately we don't get along. He can be selfish at times and doesn't handle me when I'm having a rough day. He rather run away from it. We live together and all I can think is what the fuck did I do. My girls love him and so does my family. I love him, but the guy can't seem to commit to anything. One day he says he wants to get a house and then I don't hear about it for a month or so. I told him if we continue like this I would want to be engaged before I'm 32. We have a age Gap and he's 26 and I'm 31.. he's very mature but not egaer to move to the next level. 

I never got a proper wedding or proposal. I only did a town hall thing because I was pregnant. I'm scared I could be wasting be my time. When I ask about being engaged I get "when it's the right time" or "when I have the money". Basically all excuses because he has money to buy toys and work late ( hes a Plummer) and for the right time, you either know or you don't. 

So for my birthday my only wish is for everyone to leave me alone, besides my kids. If I'm not getting engaged or nothing is planned for me.....I want to just be away from everyone. I'm beyond depressed and at the point of moving out and really being alone.. might do me some good.