Do i live just to live? 

My dreams all quashed. my family not only denouncing me, abusing me. But also ridiculing me. 

seeing my friends living normal happier lives, much far ahead of me and here I am where I was 20 years ago. 

literally no one whom i can ask help from. without giving away my self respect. 

How can my own mother do this to me? I never thought it will ever reach to this place. That she is going to leave me out in the open world. 

Either i can take revenge. but for what? inflicting harm on others is not something that comes to me. 

I feel like a total looser. thats what they are shouting at me again and again. 

I thought suicide is bad option

but this invisible pain people cannot see. is nt then suicide just mercy killing of self? 

i see people saying "seek support". Bull SHIT! 

people listen to your problems and turn their back. It is NOT EASY TO ASK FOR HELP. Unless you are living in a country that provides for basic needs. 

What can you do if you are born in a country where earning bare minimum is difficult and emotional work? 

And you are wounded. 

How do you walk?

how do you keep taking the abuse from everyone?

What is the point of all this? I am SERIOUSLY questioning.