I can’t make a simple small mistake without spiraling into self hatred and thoughts of killing myself. It will be the smallest things. Sometimes I even find myself saying these thoughts out loud I can’t even stop it. 

It’s suffocating. It’s exhausting. 

I know it stems from childhood. Constantly being the scapegoat in a straight up cult. Bullied by adults and children alike. Neglected by my parents who never stood up for me. 
My little self was completely and utterly alone and knew no one would ever help them. 

I feel like a failure. Everyday I wish to die.