So…..when I get high (thc), I feel like I’m finally on everyone else’s level. I had this conversation with my girlfriend about this today and kind of broke down. When I’m not high, I’m just a shell of myself. I’m lazy, I just sit around doing nothing. I don’t cook or clean or talk. I sleep, wake up get my son ready for school, do a dr appt like 4 days a week then just sit on the couch until work. Work my 8-12 hours the rinse and repeat every day.  My girlfriend describes hanging out with me (almost every day) is like sitting with a wall. But she says it’s a comfortable silence. I’m 100% the favorite best friends of my best friends. It’s not like I’m “slow” I am very intelligent. I over think and my mind is always running. I honestly think that when I’m “sober” I am above everyone’s thinking. But when I’m high I feel like I’m on everyone’s level. I feel like colors are sharper, my mind slows down so I can have conversations with people especially my husband and best friend. Is this normal bc I feel like I’m broken. I’ve had a mentally and emotionally abusive childhood and feel like my mind records memories for about 2/3 years at a time then deletes and re-records. If I try to think about a couple years ago it’s blank. Luckily I take lots of pictures so I can try to put memories to pictures. I don’t know what to do. I’m on meds for depression, one for a mood stabilizer and anxiety meds. I took a test thing at the drs today about ur mental health. I scored all 3’s and 4’s which is bad but I’m not suicidal and wish to harm no one. So I told my dr I’m fine bc I’m not harming anyone or myself. I do spend time with my 9 year old son and we do have fun. But that’s the extent of it.

What do I do?