Angry at myself for pushing everyone away but also so untrusting of my own mind that I cannot tell if the people were bad influences and so maybe it is a good thing that they are gone. 

But some of those people are the only ones who really ever accepted me. Maybe if I had sought treatment earlier I could have been open with them and they would have understood and loved me anyways. 

IDK. I just want someone to love so badly. A partner in crime who I find irresistably sexy but also a best friend