Dude I’m seeing

has a bit of lack of compassion and understanding for my liking. He(28,m) and me (28,f) have been seeing each other for over two months. We met off of tinder. For the most part, it’s amazing. I’m super happy. We have tons of fun, joke around, get along great- he has the majority of the qualities I’m looking for in a person. However, he’s not the most understanding person, and it comes across as judgemental. I have BPD, and this time of year is super hard for me mentally. It’s the change in seasons, lack of sunlight, and things in the past that happened around this time (fiance proposed end of December three years ago then committed suicide,) that get me. So, I’ve been in somewhat of a depression hole- sleeping too much, letting go of cleaning my apartment regularly, and generally just being more on edge and sensitive and emotional. 

Today, he said he’s “getting tired of it.” I immediately reacted in not the most effective way. I said if he wasn’t happy I’d understand if he wanted to find someone who made him happier. I then explained what I am going through and why I’m behaving as so. He came over and we had dinner and kind of ignored the whole conversation prior and had a good time. 

When he left I realized that although he came across harsh and rude, he was right. I can’t expect to feel better at this time of year by doing the same shit I always do which has never benefitted me. I need to make positive changes and do things to help myself. I can’t just write off an entire month because it makes me sad. So ultimately, he was right, and his reality check and dose of hard love snapped me out of my funk. 

It seems like he expects me to be perfect and come without flaws and never do anything he doesn’t like. I am naturally a messy person and he has OCD. So, any time things aren’t 100% clean and organized he makes sure I know he’s not happy about it. But everyone has flaws, including him. However, I am the type of person that accepts people for who they are and try not to judge them or make them feel bad for it. Unless it’s hurting themselves or someone else, I tend to just let them be who they are in regards to little things and little personality traits. For example, he had a great job interview and slept through it a few times. Instead of making him feel worse, I offered suggestions on how to make it better and supportive comments like “as soon as they meet you they’ll forgive everything prior, they’ll fall in love with you right away and you will show them you’re a great addition to their team!” I just think being like this is more effective and productive towards everyone’s happiness. 

However, I still wish he would come from a kinder place and be more gentle in these situations. How can I teach him to do so? I don’t think this is something that is fatal for us. I think we can both work on certain things and be better together as the outcome. But, as much as I mostly have a handle on my mental illness, symptoms are bound to pop up every so often, and I need some understanding about it from him. He doesn’t struggle with any mental illness, and hasn’t ever really been depressed at all, so it’s hard for him to grasp I guess. 

Thanks in advance !