Does anyone say this to themselves? I just want to feel normal. Not asking for much.  

I'm constantly battling breathing issues, constantly finding myself holding breaths. Overthinking over and over and over. Irrational fear of heart attacks when there's zero evidence anywhere and zero history in my family. 

There's moments where I feel totally relaxed and feel no physical symptoms, no nothing and those moments almost feel like a "high" because I rarely feel it. I can just....relax and feel good. Unfortunately they barely last a few minutes. I wish it lasted forever. 

These pills aren't doing anything anymore. I don't want to keep popping Ativan. I fantasize of the time I took the pain killer Tramadol (for when I had back surgery) and I felt absolutely no worries. It was probably the best feeling in my life and jealous of it. 

Welp. Going to the doctor tomorrow for my chest pains again. Another chunk of cash donated to the doctors because of my anxiety.