I've been staying at my "mums" a lot lately. Mum wasn't around when I was younger, too busy with drugs and abusive men I was took of her by social services when I was 9 and my little brother was 5. When I was 15 she told me shes having another baby so I started having contact again just to see my new sibling. He is now 8 im 24. Since covid I have been staying here as I cant stand being alone and I wish we could just have a relatively normal mum and daughter relationship. And I feel so bad for saying this cause I do love my mum, but I cant stand her either. I only found out i had BPD in February. I couldn't help but blame my mum when I started researching it. I thought the majority of my problems were from my own abusive relationship. When I found out it actually all related to my childhood I just felt so let down. She already set me up for a fail and now I have to live with the effects for the rest of my life. All she has to do is ask if I want tea when im up (  nice gesture) but depending on how im feeling I just snap at her, I dont get abusive or aggressive but ill say no harshly she'll ask are you sure my reply will be total cheek, if I wanted a tea I could make one ive been doing it myself for how many years. Sometimes afterwards ill stay in the mood, other times I'll feel guilty, shes only trying to help. I cant help but hold all this hate towards her, when I was younger there was a lot of resentment, I managed to get over it realising the hate in my heart only holds me back. But this time I just cant get over it. My life is miserable my BPD rules everything. And if it wasnt for her maybe I wouldnt even be like this. How do i forgive her and get over it, my cpn advised cutting off all contact but how could I do that. I already feel so alone. How would I see my little brother, and it was hard enough not having a mum when I was younger, even tho the relationship isn't what I want how do I just forget about her and move on with my life. I couldn't. I dont know what to do, im fed up of feeling like this.