I thought I finally had a plan. I've never had a plan, but I was going to go back into education, I was writing, I was focusing on mental health and advocacy - but I'm worn out and worn right down. It feels like for all the good I try and do, I get nothing back. At all. 

Now I'm trying to work my way back into a minimum wage job because I'm sick of sponging off my husband. I want to contribute to our home and the bills. But it's exactly what I've always done. I thought I was going to make something good of all the shit I've been put through with my illness and people in my life - now I'm back to square one. 

I'm tired. I'm starting to feel suicidal, out of sheer exhaustion and thanks to people messing me around. I'm tired, really tired. And sad. And fed up.