my bpd is getting worse and worse. mood swings are more intense and more often daily. i’ve got rage overflowing and i’m starting to be a toxic person. i am so generally unhappy, i can’t get better for more than a week or so. i’ve been suffering from bpd for about 4 years, i have never felt so out of touch with reality and out of touch with myself. i go to therapy every other week and i take 3 different medications. i am spiraling out of control more and more every day. im trying to be mindful, trying to see reality. i’m trying to control myself, trying to decide what will help. trying to analyze wtf my problem is every single day, every hour on the our. been going to the gym multiple times a week to run my brain off. i’ve been having paranoid delusions, i’ve been pushing everyone away. even my parents. i don’t see an end in sight, i don’t even know where to begin anymore. every day is miserable at my own cost, i can’t help but feel like it’s my fault and that i can control or stop it somehow. i feel too far gone off the deep end. i’ve been spiraling out of control for a year now. i’m trying to plan gigantic changes to my life, but can’t tell if i’ll be happier or if i’m just sabotaging myself. my hope is slowly fading. everything is making me angry. everything is making me cry. i’m falling apart into nothing, i feel like a shell of the person i was. please help me. i feel so crazy.