(Mobile, sorry)

I’m 40, just turned. Have an amazing wife and three incredible children 11, 9 and 5; my middle is a miracle. He was born at 1.2 lbs, five life savings surgeries at the best hospitals in the US (crushing it at nine today). Joined an associated board and have raised over $150k in the past nine years to the charity for his cause. Why am I saying this? I don’t know. Question is, why is my mind a mess and why I am so crazy? Solid job. Provide. Even have two awesome dogs - extensions of the family - 15 yo and a pup. (Rereading - out of place but…)

Story book right? But I’m a fraud. My head is crazy.  On paper, I’m a supposed great dad and husband. Reality, I feel like a failure. Every. Single. Day.

The mask I’m wearing is exhausting but necessary - it makes everyone else happy.  I don’t know how I could ever take it off…don’t think I deserve to do so. I love those who love me, I truly do. But even adjusting it scares me as I’ll be seen as the mess I am. I guess I keep faking it as long as I can? Not sure that makes sense…

A wild gamble - but thank you.