Hello everyone. I was officially diagnosed “borderpolar” in rehab when I was getting clean from meth. I just had a couple questions to see if I’m alone and to see if anyone has tips for some control. 

I am gay, and have two husbands. One husband said a long while ago that it seems like I go through cycles of some sort. Like a spiral out of control. It starts little and ends badly. 

For example. I’ll start distancing myself from everyone and closing off. And then eventually become self destructive because I get so far in my thoughts/feelings that it feels like I’ve lost all control/purpose and have to do something to make my mind stop. Something to narcotize myself preferred. 

I’m constantly going in and out of spirals that I’m not sure what to do, ya know? I just hate struggling. Im hurting my relationship with my husbands constantly. And it is not like I’m trying to, as soon as I do something wrong and they call me out. I also feel like they just hate me so much and are afraid to say it.

I don’t know. I just want to stop hurting everyone including myself. Thanks for reading my rant and also thanks for any comments.