Have been going through a rough patch with ptsd. Havent been able to leave the house for a few days now, scared of having a panic attack in public. I feel like I’m having a heart attack most days. Hands are shaking while writing this. Broke down in-front of my therapist today and completely embarrassed myself. I never cry, but having to put my feelings into words made it all so real. Fuck. I hate feeling like an invalid, hate being the victim of my own mind. Due to other docs incompetence, I’m only given beta blockers for anxiety (they lower my pb and have made me to faint each time I’ve taken them) even though benzos work way better for me (friend gave me some for emergencies a while ago). Docs afraid of liability if i get addicted, despite having no history of pill addiction. This crippling anxiety is ruining everything I have dreamt of, and not getting out is making it so much worse. Not looking for sympathy. Just needed to get this out of my system, and maybe help someone out there not feel so alone. Stay strong y’all.


Ps.  throwaway account for obvious reasons