In the past, I believed I had borderline personality disorder and so I went to my first ever visit with a psychiatrist. They immediately wanted to rule out borderline personality disorder, and I was told I had bipolar disorder. I was medicated for it and was in therapy for it. 

Last week, I just came back from inpatient hospitalization once again for suicidal ideation and self harm.

The doctors at the hospital believe that I just have depression, and that I do not have bipolar disorder. The doctors I have been seeing outside of the hospital do not want to rule out bipolar disorder, and they also seem to think I may have borderline personality disorder.

At the moment I'm just on escitalopram and trazodone. I have been feeling fine since leaving the hospital, but today I have so many thoughts, so many imagined things that made me so upset I cried. I have nothing real to be upset about at the moment.

I'm just confused and frustrated. I guess I just wanted to post it somewhere. Looks like I have to wait until I build a connection with my psychiatrist to get any answers.