Suppose this is a mix of DAE and venting but here we are.

I always find myself wanting to live in a moment forever. Those blissful few seconds when I first wake up, calm night drives listening to my favourite songs, laughing with friends while feeling completely physically well. But then as soon as I realise "hey, I'm content right now" the anxiety kicks in. Moments after I wake up to a lovely day I scan my body and the health anxiety kicks in when I notice any pain or discomfort. When the song ends and it's quiet for a moment the general anxiety kicks in and makes me believe we're going to crash and die. When the laughter dies down the emetophobia kicks in and makes me think I'm gonna get sick when I'm far from home.

It's as if when I don't have anything to panic about my brain goes ahead and makes something up, and most of the time there isn't even a reason, I'm just unbearabley, mind alteringly anxious. It's awful. I can't get a moment's rest. The only time I'm at peace is when I'm asleep, and even then I suffer from night terrors and awaken due to a panic attack more often than not. I'm exhausted. It's so draining. I just want to live one day without feeling like the world and my own body is out to get me