i don't know what to do my mood swings have been so horrible lately i can't do anything but lay in bed crying when i start feeling bad even though i don't want to. i wanted to kill myself last night because i just hate myself so much. i've been meaning to write down everything i've been struggling with and why i feel the way i do so i can bring it to my therapist but i know i'm going to have a complete breakdown and want to kill myself when i do that. i also have horrible intrusive thoughts all the time like literally all day and redirecting the thoughts or any other tools from therapy aren't working to get rid of them and i feel completely powerless, i'll avoid any activities that could make the thoughts worse and have to stop whatever i'm doing if they get bad enough. it just makes me want to die i feel like there's nothing i can do, not sure if there's even medication that would help with that. i don't have anyone to talk to about it with and feel desperate so i thought i'd post it here. i'm not sure if anyone has things that could help or feel a similar way