Whenever I split I feel so trapped in each viewpoint that I can be completely aware I will be trapped in the opposing viewpoint in no time but still cannot *feel* any differently in the moment; it’s torture. 

So which do I actually believe? Do I actually love them or hate them? Do I just feel both? Why can’t I see both sides at once? What is the difference between thought and feeling here? What is my true feeling if I can split and feel either/or so intensely?

I hope this post made some sense, I’m so frustrated with this disorder and having trouble understanding myself. I would pay big money for my thoughts and actions to be driven by fact and logic instead of emotion at this point.