I just feel so empty, like some hollow shell that's just existing. Today he told me he played all day.

 Questions like "why doesn't he wants to play with me like that? Why did he not do anything with me? Why does he rather spends so much time on a game?" Popped up. I didn't say anything out loud though. 

He even told me he'd play tomorrow and next week with his friend. I felt jealous and sad, because we are spending less time and then he also spends more time with this friend in particular. It just hurts and makes me jealous, BUT normally I'd let it show. 
Today I did not let it show. I didn't show him I was jealous. I was just trying to act normal and said "oh" like I was okay. 

Everyday I feel like I'm more "empty" inside (since 3 days ago). I feel like I shouldnt love him as much as I do, because missing him.just fucking hurts. Being jealous fucking hurts. We end up fighting and when that happens, so I'm just stuck with feeling empty instead. What if I start realizing I'm loving him less? 

Why am I so bad in relationships...