I’ve never really told anyone about this, so I apologize if my thoughts seem to be all over the place. I guess my biggest issue is I genuinely don’t know who I am and I don’t understand my mind like at all. It’s kind of like my mind is this huge overwhelming mess full of thoughts but at the same time it’s so like, empty? I’ve gotten to a point where I’m just overwhelmed and mentally drained because it’s like something super small will happen and my mind will drag it out of proportion and I’ll get so angry and anxious but then I’ll like look at myself in the mirror, kinda get lost looking at myself and come back feeling completely numb?? It’s like I have a switch and I’ll go from crying and feeling all sorts of things to not feeling anything at all. And it’s just gotten worse with time and I don’t know who I am, I don’t know what I like. I don’t have any passions nor any close relationships with anyone because I’ll just out of nowhere feel like they don’t love me and I’m so afraid of them leaving me but at the same time my brain tells me that’s what’s going to happen either way so I just end the relationship myself. I’m constantly hurting people I care so much for but at the moment it’s like I don’t care. I am so mentally unstable and I just feel like there’s no way out. I’m not even sure if I have anything like BPD but I guess after doing some research, it’s what I could relate to the most you know. I’ve just kinda lost all motivation to even live because I just feel like I don’t have anything in life. I’ve lost everything and I have no idea how to fix anything. And it’s like I feel like this now but tomorrow I will regret this moment because I’ll tell myself I’m exaggerating things and I’m just doing it for attention. There’s so much more to my crap and I don’t know if anyone goes through this or even understands but i just felt like venting to someone because it just keeps getting worse.