
I've never really talked about my emotions like this so i don't really know what to expect but i feel like i really need this.

So i'm a male 18yo now and i've been feeling lonely for a while now and i mean really lonely. I've never had a girlfriend and only had one close friend i could talk to about myself that i lost contact with and don't talk to much. Recently one of my classmates introduced me to  her friend and has been saying we would be a perfect couple for a while. I was happy because when we stared talking we would talk for hours, say good night to each other and overall i felt really good talking to her, my classmate was also telling me she really liked me but is scared to tell me that.

After a while we started to talk more about emotions and our feelings, she recently lost her mom and was really broken, i tried my best helping her but i'm not sure if i did a good job. After a few days of talking came a day i felt really tired and started telling her about my dad that passed away a while back and how i felt about my life, at first she was really supportive and i felt great knowing i can talk to someone about that stuff. After a while we went to the cinema with 3 more of our friends.
I felt like it was the best day of my life, the movie wasn't all that great, however i was sitting right next to her, a girl behind her was kicking her seat so i asked her to switch so she could have a better time, after about 30min i noticed she kept looking at me, I asked her if she needs anything and she just put her head on my shoulder, we sat like this for the rest of the movie.
I felt happy, like truly happy, for the first time in like 6 years i felt truly happy, for the last two weeks i've thaught of that moment of happiness every single day

But then a few days passed and i felt sad and tired again. I felt like She was the only person i could talk to about it and so i tried, however all i got in response was that i was annoying. I felt really bad about it and tried to not talk so much about myself anymore to stop annoying her but it didn't really change anything, she took way longer to reply to me even tho i saw her being online, she overall stopped caring about me as much as she did and it really hurts to not have anyone to talk to again.

I feel like this week was the hardest time i've ever had, I feel like no one cares about me, i feel tired even tho i try sleeping longer, i have no one to talk to, and overall feel really lonely. I feel like there is no purpose in life, and that all i do is annoy people since it's not the first time i was called annoying by someone i thaught i was close with, I really need someone that could listen to me and comfort me but i'm not too good at talking to new people and making friends. All i want in life is to have someone i can hug and know they at least like me. Things that made me happy before are no longer enough, i feel like gaming watching movies an yt is just distracting me at this point, I've had a few suicidal thaughts for the past few days and i don't know what to do.