I feel like BPD has two states of loneliness that I just can't escape😞

On one side if I act out on my emotions and show what I truly feel inside, people will start to pull away. 

On the other side I actually control my emotions as much as possible and basically start to push people away so I don't show it and end up with the first option — of them actually growing distant. 

And both sides is extremely lonely. And a whole other side is the fact that people without BPD understandably don't relate and can't understand the struggle.

I feel like all my options leads to loneliness. But maybe some of you guys can relate, 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐞'𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞💕

Thanks for reading and listening.