I keep trying to push my girlfriend away from me. She doesn't need this. She doesn't need me. I'm a huge mess and just an evil person that does not deserve anything. She needs someone who's not sick, who can love her and not put her thru my constant struggles. I don't want her around so I keep telling her to leave, acting distant and just showing that I need her to go with my words and actions. It's the best for her, I wish she could just see it. I can't have other people getting involved in the dumpster fire that are my feelings. They only need to hurt one person and that's the person responsible for them, me.
I was like this with my last boyfriend too, it's a pattern.