18F. The title pretty much describes it. I haven’t had a job in like 3 months I’ve only really been pet sitting to get by money wise. During the year I was a nanny and it was a really flexible, low maintenance job, and the best part: I didn’t have to deal with the public. I’m pretty sure I’ll get the job but I’m dreading the interview and I know if I stumble over my words or literally anything I will critique myself for weeks. I know serving jobs aren’t anything super serious, this one is just at a breakfast place but I also know it can get really busy and pretty stressful. I’ve worked in a restaurant before but never as a server. My confidence has been at a pretty bad low lately on every level and I’m in the stage where I’m currently contemplating my existence and the reason for life so the mere thought of starting a job really seems pointless even though ik I need the money. I fucking hate starting a new job, like the first few weeks when you don’t really know how to do shit, you mess up a bunch, and you don’t know anybody. I torture myself if I mess up or if I feel like I’m messing up, my mind just won’t let it go. And then to talk to groups of customers with all of their attention on you. Jesus fucking Christ. The thought of it is crippling bro CRIPPLING. I really just need to pull myself together and gain some confidence. I genuinely believed if I could get some good old fashioned confidence I could just relax and do the job and be done with it. I just don’t know how to do that, especially since my mood is so unstable like sometimes I’ll feel pretty confident and other times I have to isolate myself in my bedroom and not do anything until I start to feel better. This is so long I did not mean for this to be a whole book but I needed to rant and I have no one to talk to about this that will understand how such a simple thing could be so debilitating so if you read this thank you you’re beautiful and amazing and a 10/10 person xx