Name is anonymous for a reason...

If I can just use BPD as an excuse for everything bad I've done, am doing, and might do...

I guess this is the part where I tell you what a monster I am

Just from being around my mother's baby(my brother) for a month, I have grown extremely annoyed when it makes any noise. I can't fucking stand the thing. I've had numerous times where I've wanted to use duct tape to shut him up. What I have done sometimes is shake the car seat a little, not hard,  in the car when he was crying because I was so fucking pissed off that this thing was being so goddamn annoying. While that certainly only made him cry louder...I actually found it....pleasing...

.-.

It really makes me wonder where my morals went when I say that I have an underage online gf

Honestly my current gf isnt even the 1st one...and I have no idea why I thought for a second I should lead this poor girl into a relationship that won't work...I told her everything about how I have bpd and my age and everything about how this wont work out.  

Yet she says she wants to be there through it all. I should have told her that you have no idea what it's like to be with someone that has bpd..

There's no possible way that this is going to end well...and it will be all my fault again.

All I do is sit on my phone and play games....and get so fucking pissed off playing them. Like so fucking pissed off that I will peel the skin off my arm with my nails or punch a wall

I used to punch walls a lot... and I felt better based on how injured my hand was for some reason. I suppose I deserve worse than that though

Anyway, that is usually induced by a rage that knows no bounds...like honestly I can imagine the world burning in flames..unimaginable torture, and that's pretty much me after playing video games

Which...is all I do. Doesnt work out really. Pity that my entire life is video games. 

and then I think to myself...you really think you can just blame ALL of that on BPD? Remember all the times people have said take responsibility for your actions?

It's just too bad that just makes me a monster.

And the point of this post? Maybe to just get people to agree that I'm a monster. I wish I could be normal but unfortunately the only way to not be a monster is to be nothing at all.

