I have had four longer relationships as an adult and the same pattern emerges. There is much more conflict than I want it to be, and it's difficult for me to see Why there is so much conflict. I think part of the reason is that I easily feel insecure about things being said or done by my partner that I interpret in a very negative light: that I'm not good enough, not desired etc etc. I then become "thorny" and can verbally be harsch and attacking whilst feeling small and insignificant. This obviously creates conflict. And at the same time, I hate conflict. I desire a long-term loving relationship where there is stability. The other pattern that emerges, that I'm shameful of and feel so much saddness over is that partner's have all told me how bad they feel in a relationship with me. They don't like who they become, they feel like the relationship is draining them of energy, and that it's costing them more than it gives.   
Does anyone else recognise this and have found ways to handle it? 

I'd love some input.