Hello I’ve just had what I think was my third attack of psychosis after last month when I couldn’t sleep for four days and I went to the hospital. I was terrified because of sleep deprivation and I didn’t want to be alone in a room where they were giving me some serum I kept getting up and moving. The security came and forcibly tied my hands and legs to the bed (I was never violent)while one guy was choking me with his arm while I was completely immobile. I struggled to breath I was begging him to stop which he did eventually. It really fucked me up more than I taught because I hate being tied and unable to move my arms and legs (childhood trauma)

After this incident my mind sort of just broke and I had delusions and crazy beliefs and acted in embarrassing ways. I’ve lost my girlfriend who I loved very much. I don’t know if I can take much anymore. The last time I had psychosis I tried to kill myself immediately after I realized I was delusional for a month. It took me a year to recover and be back to normal.

I can’t distract myself I’m overwhelmed with anxiety, guilt and shame. I’ve tried to call a suicide hotline but there’s no English speaking number where I live. I tried to contact my doctor but she’s on holiday and I can’t find a therapist. I just want someone to talk to without judgement.