You would think the older a person gets, the more meaning they would find in life. For me, it's the opposite. Nothing to me seems meaningful enough to spend time on. As a result, the days just go by wasted. I don't enjoy anything. I don't know how to have a conversation. I am lucky to have a good job but I don't fit in there. I don't fit anywhere. I'm 24 and it will only get worse as I get older. My memory is shit and I can barely get through the day. If you asked me to recall what I did yesterday I can't even tell you. I have very few memories of my own life. I have no social meaningful social connections. I feel anxious and paranoid when I'm in public. I wish there was a way to take a pill and wake up the next day feeling like I had something I was passionate about, like a cause or a hobby. I have some hobbies like playing guitar but I just get frustrated way too easily and I never feel passionate about them. Instead I just go through the day thinking negative thoughts even though I know that I am wasting time and energy. My focus is shit and this post is all over the place. I don't feel competent at my job at all. It's a technical job and I am not particularly intelligent. I always have the urge to go out and join some kind of group but whenever I'm in public everything feels like shit so I end up just hiding in my hole. And life just goes by.