It's been two years since I dumped my FP and all of my friends that were tied to him. I didn't know if I would survive, but I knew I needed to get out because of how unhealthy everything was. I was expected to be happy all the time, to be the rock for everyone else's emotions, and deal with my mental health on my own without any support (not even a hug or a fun game night if I needed those easy things). A lot of other things happened too. So I left, I moved, I cut all contact forever and forced myself to keep moving forward no matter how much it hurt.

What resulted was two years of pain, unlearning, healing, and discovering what I actually liked. I started painting and reading again, I started learning about woodworking and taking walks, I got an AMAZING therapist and now I actually CAN hold my mental health on my own (almost). But I just couldn't get that trust back to meet new people and try to find a new partner. Every time I tried I just spiraled back to how it was before, and convinced myself that any new people would be the same as the last ones.

But today I DID IT!! I messaged someone back on OkCupid and we've been talking about videogames for half and hour!! I know it's not very much, but I feel like the Hoover Dam just broke. I feel hopeful for the first time in two years. I got to tell someone that wasn't my parents what I did today. Fuck I'm so happy :)