I want to get this off my chest here since I have no contact with anyone other than my sister or mother and I am not going to vent to my family because if I tell them how I feel about myself they'll think I'm gonna kms but I'm not. And this will be for me like if telling my problems to someone else even if I'm not

I have been suffering from constant stress and anxiety for about 4-5 years,(when I say constant I mean it, every night my head is a mess and start overthinking about all my problems and how I can't solve em) when I get anxiety attacks it's like feeling an air that accumulates in my chest that feels like it's going to explode and sometimes like a pressure in my throat that doesn't lets me breathe well kinda if someone was choking me. The longest I've gone without sleep is 5 days and it felt horrible. And the cherry on top, what has been my biggest problem is a speech impediment due to ptsd that happened when I was 6yo, it's what has brought me the most suffering, humiliation, bullying when I was younger(mostly at school and my neighbors), those surprised faces when I stuttered so bad that is impossible to understand what I'm trying to say and I know they're thinking I'm mentally disabled, this is what I hate the most about me.

Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with CRVO in my left eye, the doctor said that it is very strange to see someone my age(29yo) with CRVO, that I'll probably lose my sight in about 3-4 months if don't do a fucking 3 dosis of eye injections treatment that is $200 each one. I have been fucking living/surviving with less $190 per month, I hate myself cuz I know I'm gonna lose an eye because the useless shit of me can't even afford it. Now on top of all the problems I already have, this happened to my left eye due to stress, it even amuses me after thinking about it for a few days. can't even talk to someone without looking like a dumb cunt and they won't understand what I tried to say, can't even give a decent life to my mother and sister who partially depend on me, even me a dumb shit learned english by myself but can't even make use of it to get a job cuz of my fcking speech impediment, it's even hilarious that I can't make anything right. And now because I'm a fucking useless trash who can't even speak and can't get s decent income, I'm gonna lose an eye and be even more useless trash than I already was. I have been even more stressed since I knew about my left eye problem and can't even sleep more than 4 hours cuz at night is when I overthink and realize how much I hate myself and all the flaws I have. The only things I'm taking is a relaxing tea and pills to reduce bp.