Hello, I just found this enlightening subreddit and have recently done research and made some connections which point strongly to me having BPD. I'm 30/F, come from an emotionally, mentally abusive childhood.

 Here's what I've discovered about myself over many years of introspection and healing (I have a Psych degree and have been improving my coping over the past 3 years of my life, but am struggling again, will try therapy):

I've had a binge drinking problem in my mid 20s and have caused a lot of chaos (physical fights, reckless driving). I've reduced my alcohol consumption drastically, but still get crazy if I drink 

Extreme emotions, swinging from good to bad in days

Subconscious fear of abandonment (testing my partners love by pushing him away and hoping he shows me unconditional love regardless of what I do)

Unreasonable jealousy/possessiveness (recently been going crazy about him being friends with his Exes on FB)

Going from thinking he's the ONE to hating him and wanting to leave (it's scary how extreme and sudden the shifts are)

I often feel like a slave to my emotions and wish I could regulate better (I do alright usually and I think that shelter in place has exhaserbated the condition)

Pretty consistent feelings of emptiness and discontent 

There's likely more that I can't think of right now, but these are the main ones. I've been in a lot of pain for causing my boyfriend pain, as well as feeling all crazy and unstable. 

I'm hopeful for the future and am utilizing what I can (exercise, writing, reading, talking to frnds, talking to boyfriend, seeking therapy). 

Thanks for reading and I'd love to hear your opinions and any advice on coping. ✌️