i’m sick of talking to people who pretend to understand me. it’s very frustrating to never be fully heard. i know when someone in my life says they are okay dealing with mental illness that they don’t mean mine. because they don’t know mine. and i don’t want to have to “i have bpd” every single new friend/romantic interest i have just to explain myself because my symptoms are so actively apart of my personality and and day to day and affects the way i treat them and communicate that it’s hard to explain why i do those things without once again just having to introduce myself as my disorder. which is also the hard part about having it. it’s a part of me and my identity, unlike mood disorders it plays a role in every aspects of who i am as a person, and i have heard “you are not your mental illness” 100000 times but in a way, i am this one. i’ve exceeded all my expectations on becoming stable, and now it just feels lonely. because i have no interest in letting someone close enough for them to just see me as that again. i want to keep my distance but i can’t be alone. i hate that this is how i have to live.