I haven’t ever been diagnosed by a professional with anxiety. My sister has however, and I used to go see a therapist if that means anything. But the reason I’m posting here is that maybe I’ll get some helpful advice. 

I’m 21 years old, and have never had a girlfriend. I’ve been on 2 dates my whole life  and I guess I just got too anxious to set up a 2nd one with one girl, the other tricked me into going on a date with her and I left. I’m still a virgin because of this and I wouldn’t say I’m super unattractive or an asshole. I’m not some weird incel, I’m a progressive politically and socially, politics are one of my big interests and I personally can’t stand incels. In highschool I used to weigh around 260, but after spending a lot of time in the gym I’m at around 200 pounds which isn’t bad for being 6’4. I have a lot of interests like playing music, sports, reading, etc. I feel like I’m as normal as normal gets. I don’t ever get the impression that I’m some kind of outcast. I have a lot of friends male and female. But something about going on dates and meeting women I might be attracted to scares the shit out of me. I get self conscious, I think I’m just not good enough. I need to work out more, be funnier, etc. Then even when I feel better about myself I set way too high of standards, it has to be someone who I think is really attractive, it has to be someone who’s smart, funny, ambitious, etc. And even when all that criteria is met I still get terrified to actually go meet them. And then when I did I was terrified to make a move. I didn’t even touch this girl when I went on a date with her and I feel like it went really well I mean she messaged me after. 

There will be women I really like and I’ll be too scared to make eye contact or I get too anxious to remember what I wanted to say. There’s this one girl I work with who I really like, and anytime she looks at me i like internally freak out every time. 

My friends all know this, and they think I’m gay or asexual because I just refuse to take initiative in dating. I just don’t know how I can admit to them that I’m scared. I just tell them I’m okay with waiting to find someone I really like. But I know full well if I ever meet that person I’ll just think I’m not good enough and put off trying to do anything to show them I’m interested. I really don’t know what to do anymore.