Hi everyone, i’m looking for advice on this. I’m 24 days clean from SH, my longest ever time clean is 32 days, I was doing great I had urges but I learned new skills to handle this.

Last night I just had a really bad episode. Basically I was in work until 8pm, my friend asked me to come to the club after work because all of our friends were going. I went home and start trying on outfits to go out and liked none of them, this quickly turned to anger which quickly turned to an episode because this always happens and I was so angry at myself.

TW I ended up scratching my arm really badly, I didn’t even notice until after I calmed down, I don’t know whether to count this as a relapse or not but I’m really upset, I finally got comfortable with wearing t shirts and not covering up my arms and now i have to again and it’s like 27°c. All of this just feels really familiar and Im afraid it’s going to lead to a relapse/ is already a relapse.

Has anyone experienced similar?? It’s like I have no control over my body during an episode.