I hate every second of it. 
I’m always there for them because I want to be…I shouldn’t expect them to be there for me. I am self aware enough to understand it’s too much to expect anyone to care the way I do. I don’t know how to communicate with them..I’ve always been the odd one out I just want to be there for them and then there for me. They are use to caring about themselves more than anything and I’m new to that. I HATE how I emotionally split when I try to be open the way they do and the response is “going to bed” WHY AM I SO ANGRY OVER SOMEONE WANTING TK GO TO BED why does it feel like I knife through my heart. A switch I hate that’s turned that makes me hate everything about someone. Idc if this makes no sense immJUST AGAGGAHSJDHDGS