She said “recommend doing that” but basically asked me to do that instead of talking to her and refused to treat me right now lol. I know this isn’t her fault at all and it’s part of her job but I’m just really bummed about not being able to get help *right now*. She thinks that I should get intensive therapy in a hospital setting cuz they could talk to me more frequently but I just know that’s gonna do more harm than good for me. It’s really funny cuz before this appointment I was kinda worried that I might’ve been a bit too difficult to treat and she might have to refer me to someone else and it kinda happened lol, I’m too freshly suicidal and unstable, she said she’s worried for my safety.

Idk what to do yet, I’m gonna research more on inpatient but I’m 99% sure that I wouldn’t go that route. The other and more likely option is to just find a new therapist but not telling them what I told this therapist. It sucks that I’d have to do that but knowing me knowing my situation it’s the best option. Guess I made an oopsie and didn’t think through before disclosing things, rookie mistake. She appreciated my honesty and said I did the right thing by telling her, but oof, why is life so hard lmao.

I’ll look into inpatient though, I’ll attempt to do the recommended, the “right” thing.

I just want to make the best decision. Do the right thing despite it being more difficult, if it’s indeed the right and better one. Here’s a moment of helplessness, though.