Throwaway account for *reasons*, but does anyone relate to this?

My (20m) FP (27f) and I are roommates, are not in a relationship, and after I expressed my romantic feelings for her a few months ago, she let me know that she does not reciprocate. That conversation was tense, but she took it very well, I felt it was productive, and it allowed me to get to the point of trying to move on. 

Recently I've brought up the possibility of me wanting to move out, without her, which is fine and doesn't mean that we hate each other. I haven't told her why, but it's mainly because I can't guarantee I'll be able to get over my feelings for her if we re-sign for another year.

My dumb guy brain keeps trying to piece signals and social cues together to try and prove to myself that she likes me, and while I understand all of the issues with that and reasons why it *would never happen* (age gap, no mutual chemistry, different values, not her type, etc.), something in my BPD brain is like "maybe she'll feel the same if you change."

A seriously unhealthy and painful thought, I know, but something in me just can't accept that she is not and will never be interested. I misread friendly signals as her being interested, I try to look nice around her at all times just in case she'll think I'm cute. 

We're good friends, and I never project these feelings onto her, but it fucks with me so much and idk how to cope. It also doesn't help how I think we're better friends than she thinks we are.

It's all very painful and confusing at times. Any advice or related stories helps, lemme know what you think