I’m a mil vet , I really didn’t start feeling depressed until 2018 about 3 years into my 5 year contract. I’ve had close friends take their lives , I’ve had a lot of very close calls with death myself. In 2018 I was extremely close to taking my own life, but ultimately didn’t because I couldn’t leave my mom with that pain or my best friends in the navy… since then it’s come out to some of my friends and most importantly my significant other but they’ve all been super understanding. I journal sometimes my darkest thoughts on my phone b/c it feels good to get it out and somewhere that isn’t my head, long story short, my s/o found this (not sneakily, she stumbled upon this) and was very concerned (as she should be, these are my darkest thoughts) but didn’t understand this concept of journaling so now I’m very self conscious of writing things down out of fear of her finding them because she couldn’t handle them, I feel unseen (she cried way more then me) and uncomfortable writing down these thoughts to get them out. What do I do…