Ok, so I had another attempt a couple of weeks ago just before half term came up and I have alot to catch up on in terms of college because I went to hospital for a day and took the rest of the week off for my mental health. 

Now I'm behind even more because my mental health is spiralling again (I have lots of mood swings) and I have no urge to study. I know that I'm not going to be around for much longer only a few more years I'm guessing but I don't want to disappoint my grandparents and teachers. Also if the slim possiblity arises that I don't take my own life successfully then I want to go to uni and have a decent job that pays well.

Everytime I do try to study though I feel stressed and feel like I'm having a anxiety attack. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I start to cry mid session. It makes me feel sick and nauseous, not to mention the chronic migraines and body aches it gives me.

How can I give myself motivation and force myself to study?