Every Christmas and new year is the same. Everyone of my friends prefer to spend it with there significant other. As usual i spend the entire day in my room trying not to break down.

Even if im invited to a party or something, im usually the awkward guy standing in a corner pretending everything’s ok.

Yesterday (new year) at night one of my friend decided to call me as his gf was spending that time with her family and… I showed up at his house and had to listen to him talk about his gf for 3 hours. And it was so damn hard to sit there and smile as if I’m ok.

After i came home, i texted a friend (she my best friend and we usually share everything that happens) and even she started to ghost me.

Finally, somehow i fell asleep hoping that atleast she will respond by morning… and she’s still ghosting me. 

I have came to realize that im never gonna be anyones “important” person…. Never gonna be  “the first choice” .

Feels like… they are stuck with me and im sure no one would even notice if i left. Started cutting last night and.. feels as if there is no point continuing this anymore.

Anyway, thanks for stopping and reading this vent…..