I just look around at how broken things are and how I've been left unable to even function in normal society because of my personality disorders and all of the past trauma responses.

I have no friends at all and that's made me so desperate that I'm off putting to people.

I have been fired so many times that anxiety makes my job performance worse with every new role.

I have been forced to move back in with my parents so much that now I don't even unpack when I move into a new place or buy anything to furnish it with.

I can't stand being in one place for longer than a month. I need to move because my childhood taught me people knowing where I am is dangerous.

I've been in and out of therapy since I hit my 20s and knowing my trauma responses has just made everything worse.

All of these responses doubles down year on year and what started as minor depression in my late teens is now crippling depression and anxiety, poor work and social performance and not being able to fully function as a person.

I don't even want to get out of bed anymore. Life hasn't been worth it for over 10 years now, and I held on hope that these things would get better. That if I stayed positive and worked hard and put the effort into myself they'd just improve. Nope, I've exhausted myself on working on myself, spend tens of thousands of dollars on therapy and it's all just got worse.