On here I talk a lot about things that’s don’t really matter like a boyfriend or a friends or something but honestly the root cause of my bpd is because of my family my mother is sick I’m not sure what is wrong with her and it’s so hard to explain her personality to people because to others she appears kind and giving with a good positive spirit in my life she had bought me whatever I needed and when my dad left she made it seem like she saved us from him but suffocating us with a big house big clothes big Christmases my mom is the most abusive person I know she had physically abused me from the grades of 2nd to 8th I was a very outspoken child so if I said something out turn I was slapped across the face soemtimes chocked drug by my hair I watch her step on my brothers chest when we had go to Jamaica she pushed me into cutting myself and suicide attempts everytime I remember things I start crying but the worst part she did was the things she said to me she has told me before that if I killed myself no one would miss me that she was going to pray to god that he would kill me things like that me and me mom have had good times but I can no longer say I love her I can’t love someone who does this to me today is my grandmothers funeral I took off school and work for two weeks to go and support her my mom refused to explain what we were doing so the day we were supposed to leave we didn’t and I missed a lot of stuff I needed to do for no reason so she said we’d leave at four am and we didn’t I walked downstairs and asked her why we hadn’t left for Canada yet (my grandma lived there ) and she snapped at me so I snapped back telling her not to speak to me that way as I’m 18 the argument turned and she began to call me names like a disgrace and she told me that if I went to my grandmothers funeral it would be a disservice to her I waited on my grandma hand and foot and wiped her ass while she was in the hospital with cancer that was probably one of the worst things she’s ever said to me and she refuses to apologize I’m planning to move out somewhere once I get back to my state I have money saved about 2000 but no car so I’m going to get that and do my best to finish my last year and take a gap year from college the worst part is not being able to tell anyone in my family everything she’s done because they stand by her no matter what I’m consistently blamed for the behavior of a 53 year old woman and I feel judged everyday by the people I love with she has made it so no one believes me and she denies everything she’s ever done even tho I have text messages I’m going to leave her in the past and the rest of this “family” and try to get out of this situation