I (19) knew him (21) since late December, he helped me get over my abusive ex, dated for a split second but then broke up because I just wasn't ready. He was always there for me, he understood how to help me through episodes and I helped him. We continued to stay close like people dating each other. Then stuff happened, I stopped talking to him due to him dumping stuff on me while I was having a mental breakdown and I needed space. We ended up fixing it and talking again, I admitted to him that I genuinely loved him, but respected him needing space and wanting to work on himself, so I'll always be a supportive friend and be there for him (he was wanting to get back w his abusive ex, but he's better now, I think.)  


He went on vacation to the beach with his family, was wanting to find a sugar mommy just for some extra money, I respect the hustle. Nothing came of it. We talked about dating and he said he isn't happy with how he is and wants to become better, but was wanting to date me again. It was solid and I just let him be and we kept being friends. One night he said he was on Tinder and I thought it was a joke, until I was scrolling on there and saw him. Part of his bio said "Wanting to love someone's daughter." And I was hurt. You said you wanted to date me, but wanted to fix yourself to get better, so dating wasn't in the picture right now. I've been here for you through nights of figuring stuff out and then that's what I saw. I felt betrayed in a way. I asked him why and such and he could only come up with, "Honestly, idk". Ever since we started talking again and making sure he's okay and not gonna go back to his ex for his safety, he's been sorta cold and just distant. Not the cuddly full of emotion person, but I understood and respected that, but I didn't expect this.  


We've always been so open and had great communication. The majority of the time I've known him, he's been amazing. When I saw the Tinder thing and him "not knowing" why he made one again, he said he still wanted to date me. (I'm a fucking moron) I kept asking him what I did wrong when we got in an argument last week and he said I didn't do anything wrong or hurt him in anyway, he was just on edge, but didn't know why and apologized and I thought it was getting better. Then a couple days later he was having questions asked on the YOLO thing on Snapchat and someone asked if he's "simpin" anyone and if it's them and he said, "If this is who I think it is, you know I am [🥴](https://emojipedia.org/woozy-face/#:~:text=A%20yellow%20face%20with%20a,inebriation%20or%20smitten%20with%20love.&amp;text=Meaning%20widely%20varies%2C%20but%20commonly%20conveys%20intoxication%20or%20infatuation.)" or something like that.  


I was taken back and was like? What the fuck. I was just straight forward and was like thank you for telling me that nothing is gonna happen between us anymore. And he was like "I don't have to date someone to find them hot" and I said I know that, but simping? That's obviously more than just a "you're hot". We all know nowadays that it's more than that. He said 'simpin' isn't what I thought it is or something when I've been on the internet for so long to know better than that. He then said yea, he doesn't think anything is gonna happen because we're never on the same page. I brought up how I don't trust him anymore because of the Tinder thing (Which he suddenly had a reason, which was for the sugar mommy stuff during vacation) and then said it's basically on me/my fault that I don't trust him. He was never like this to me at all. All these months it was perfectly fine up until then.  


That part really fucking hurt because we used to always be on the same page, for months we were fine. It's only now that he closed himself off and refuses to change stuff/be mindful about certain things when he knows my triggers and stuff, but then wonders why shit keeps happening. He then threw it "Oh yea bc you've never done anything wrong lmao ok" Like?? I never fucking once said or insinuated that. I just kept telling him to be honest and tell me he doesn't want me instead of dragging me along. It's like nowadays I have to force him to apologize. I asked him last time why he's having a hard time apologizing and stuff suddenly and then he brought up a past experience with his ex how she got angry at him for going to bed faced in a certain direction or something like that.   


I haven't told anyone these details because I'm so absolutely upset and ashamed of myself for trying to help constantly. I don't know where he went or what happened, but he's not the guy I loved anymore and it's heartbreaking because I don't know where I went wrong. He used to be so sweet and full of emotions, now that person is gone. I don't know if him talking to his ex that last time pulled a switch in him when I encouraged him to do right by himself and have 'selfish' time within reason, yk? I don't know where or what I did wrong.