I already posted today, but I just need to rant about something. 

So, I posted on Saturday about how my mom drove my car to the next town over, and it broke down on her. Turns out, the mechanic won't be able to fix it for two weeks. 

My mom borrowed my step dad's mother's car. She said I wasn't allowed to drive the car, which I totally understand. However, I had planned on going to the temp agency after my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow to see if I can get on at that factory. My mom was going to drive me, that's not the issue. 

The issue is, my mom might need to go out of town next week. So, we'd have a few problems. For one thing, even if I were allowed to drive that car, my mom would be forced to get a rental car, which would be expensive. Also, my mom would need me to stay home and babysit our dogs. 

I just had it set in my mind that this job would solve a lot of the problems I'm having right now. I'm in a state of serious financial hardship at the moment. Making my car payments is a real struggle, and I can't even afford a burrito from taco bell like I've been wanting for over a week now. I feel like having a little peace with the car payment and some loose change to get a burrito every once in a while would make me feel somewhat happier. 

I've also been struggling to find the motivation to shower like I should. I feel like if I had a job, I'd be leaving the house more. And if I were leaving the house more, I'd feel more motivated to be clean. 

I just want to be like other people my age, too. I want to feel like I'm contributing to society in some way. There is nothing satisfying about sitting at home like a potato all day, every day. 

It's always one step forward and two steps back with me, it feels like. I feel like every time I come up with a solution to my problems, it gets delayed or prolonged or outright canceled. I don't understand.