It feels like something isn't right. After trying to change myself for different people it's hard to tell what is authentic. I often seek to agree with others to make myself "in the right". It's so weak. It's like I don't think my perspective is enough or valid. Or I don't do my own research and cling to others' thoughts. I have idenitifed as dumb for a while in my mind and not tried to challenge myself that much. I have always felt like I need to mould or change myself and like I need to be "better" than I am. Like "actual me" isn't interesting or cool enough. So I've tried to adopt interests that I don't know if I even like. And I see some things as "out of my league" as if I can't improve or get smarter. I want to like/accept myself but I am pretty dependent on external validation. I hate to admit this but I'm so emo I almost dont see a point in doing anything unless I get validation from it. I don't always feel this way but it's almost like I'm satisfied doing nothing and getting nowhere because I don't have a romantic interest to impress. I remember what I liked as a kid but ever since I started dating, when the person goes cold or whatever I start thinking I need to change and be more like them or more like their ideal person. An old romantic interest got a gf recently (after telling me he's not after one at the moment) and I HAD to lurk her profiles and compare us. I'm not 100% lost but yeah. I feel shame at how hollow I sometimes feel. I don't know what is good about me and because I'm a bit anxious socially rn I rarely experience myself as comfortable and natural around others. Like my actual personality has been hiding for a while. Becoming myself again/finding authenticity is definitely doable, but I suppose it has to be for me/for the sake of it, rather than with romantic interests in mind. But I think I'm kind of depressed and half the time I don't care about changing