I feel like so much of my anxiety is this fear of not doing well. This fear is also kind of attached to my self worth lalo na since I grew up in an environment where my academic performance kind of dictates my value to the people around me (with me being gay and experiencing physical abuse, my academics is kind of the one of the few if not the only way people give me the love I needed as I child). So everytime I don't know what to do with a task or if I think I won't do well, it just gives me paralyzing anxiety. It takes so much of the value of learning and makes it just simply an unbearable battle with myself of constantly having to do well and not being enough no matter how hard I try. 

And I feel it's a bit shameful since my grades are just great. They're very high and it doesn't really show how much I'm struggling mentally and internally. So it kind of gives me an illusion that everything is okay even if I feel so much turmoil going through the semester. But deep down there's this fear everytime I don't know what to do, that it'll be the end of every thing. And I just always feel worthless at the end. 
I started college around the same time as the pandemic, and I feel that also hindered greater learning and appreciation for my studies. Right now, I'm both trying to help myself and confused to what to do to help myself. 

I've been experiencing anxiety for about 3 years now. And I've never really shared it with anyone as I'm scared of judgment. So posting this, I'm hoping to break out of that and talk about this more openly rather than keeping it all go myself

Does anyone feel the same way? If yes, how do you overcome it?