Hi everyone, to preface I'm a guy with BPD whose friend group mostly consists of girls. 

We meet up a lot, and I show up to pretty much every gathering, as I do appreciate their company a great deal, even though long periods of social interaction do get on top of me sometimes.

However, today one of my friends (one of the ones I'm closest to) admitted they have 'girls meetups' where the guys (only 3 of us to about 9 girls) dont get invited. 

This really fucked me up, even though I can understand why they'd want to (talking about things that dont apply to guys, yknow), its seriously triggering my fear of abandonment and of missing out.

It wouldn't be so bad if they didn't try to keep it a secret, but they have a separate groupchat, and haven't mentioned this before, even though they've been having them all year. It also makes me feel insecure about my gender, as it makes me feel like my presence makes people uncomfortable, which is another horrifying thought.

 I dont (really) have another group of friends outside this one, and I really hate the feeling of being left out, but I also dont want to be problematic being like "uhhhh why am I not allowed to the girls only thing even though I'm a man", I just feel like I'm being dramatic. 


I don't really know what to do, I feel like this is something most people wouldn't give a fuck about, but I feel horribly nauseous and irrationally angry.

Sorry for the long post, I just needed to put this somewhere.