I’m 37f and I’ve been in DBT treatment for a a year and eight months. I’ve been on lithium and seroquel for five years. I’ve been in recovery from alcoholism in AA for three years. 

There has been a vast change in my life in this time. One area I continue to struggle is in my relationship. Sensing or experiencing abandonment and social media attention from women are two areas that set me off and when I say set me off, I experience a trigger that inspires a fear so strong that it releases adrenaline and the fight or flight response with an intensity that doesn’t allow me the buffer moment to choose to access my skills. Not even TIPP which is designed for these moments. I fly off the handle and say horrible things and threaten to leave and I just lose all self-control. 

At this point. I’m ready to consider all areas. Possibly it is a medication issue where an upped dosage of my lithium or the addition of some medication used to treat intermittent rage that works to slow that response when triggered. And I am wanting my partner to join me in therapy not because I expect him to walk on eggshells or that he necessarily needs to change anything he is doing. I just feel I could benefit from support in addressing these issues and him to be in on the process I am going through. I feel like I could benefit from him being present at my psychiatrist appointment to weigh in and help me consider pros and cons of medication changes. 

I know that my recovery is my responsibility. And I know I am responsible to recover regardless of who is and isn’t in my life. Does it make sense that I am desiring his involvement at this time? Or is it just more BPD clingy nonsense? I don’t trust my own perceptions and desires at this point and that is painful. I intuit something such as this, and then immediately second guess it. 

What if he says no? I’ve mentioned it and he says he has been in therapy with women in the past and all that happens is he is told what to do and the focus is on him. I explained that this isn’t therapy for him, but for me, as someone who accepts responsibility for her diagnosis and is seeking solutions, and that he is just there to balance my perspective, learn, and give feedback and support. He is “thinking about it” currently. 

What if he tells me he doesn’t want to be involved? That’s going to hurt. Does this mean I need to rethink my involvement with him if, under the context I’ve described, he refuses to engage in this with me, after being together this amount of time? 

I have a hard time trusting my perceptions due to knowing BPD drives my bus and things are often distorted.

Thoughts? Experiences? 