I don't know why, but every time I remotely feel... good, not numb, irritated, sad or anything, but genuinely good, something has to happen to fuck me to the core.

I started my therapy about 2 months ago, last time we did clinical test for personality disorder and in our next session I will find out if there is something going on. I always had that feeling about me, so I wait to hear my psych evaluation. I also started training and working out, and I feel fucking good, more confident than before.

But I can't shake this feeling that I'm gonna get rekt by something.

I will enjoy this feeling while it lasts. I'm gonna dive in. I have to, it's one in a million chance. And I'm gonna brace for impact if something happens.

I'm not paranoid or anything, I just have that gut feeling which never let me down and it always happens when I get my life in some kind of control.

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For reference only: my therapist proposed that I might be bipolar and/or bpd, i have anxiety disorder and depression (which was generally part of my whole life actually), so as I said, I'm waiting to hear his evaluation. I'm not scared or bumed if It turns out to be something about PD, I'm ready for anything.

Sorry for long post. Take care guys!