I feel like I need to write this. All I ever do is hold in all my thoughts and feelings and recently writing things down has helped. Fuck I barely knew her yet was so attached. I’ve only met her once and somehow I manage to get all these feelings and attachments. I was doing so well and then out of nowhere all these thoughts and feelings rush my mind overwhelming me. I felt sad now I’m just angry. I had to ruin something great by wanting more. I didn’t have anybody at the time, my phone was dry, no friends, I don’t talk to family about anything personal. Then this person ends up in that position. Someone I can talk to. It was a daily occurrence and felt great to talk about things we both loved and to just shit off our chests. Maybe I’m crazy. I felt a connection, I saw the signs, the hints, and I knew I just had to go for it. So I did. Everything was just aligned so perfectly, the sunset was so beautiful, the fireworks where majestic… what happened. Why did it go the complete opposite direction. I should have stayed a friend and ow I got nobody again. Life is great you know. It’s not everyday that there’s someone who actually has the same interests and isn’t just fucking around. It’s been just over 5 months and I haven’t had anyone I talk to on a daily or even at least 2 days in a week. Fuck me man when is it going to go right for once. There was something there I know there was. But shit happens. This is a shitty feeling that’ll go away just to come back even harder. It was bad the following week. I slowly fell out of my religious beliefs. I pushed people away that I fully know wanted to talk both as friends and as more. I just sat in my bed most nights and thought about how I’d have somebody to talk to if I had just kept my feelings aside. I can’t open up to anyone around me… I don’t know why but with her I was able to. Of course I can with strangers on Reddit as you don’t know who the fuck I am. I just wish I could undue that mistake. It’s a shitty feeling seeing that you made someone feel a certain what by simply telling them that you want to have more than a friendship and that you like who they are as a fucking person. And that you find them attractive. Why all the leading on and the fucking “flirting” if it was all nothing. I truly hope I can get past this. Thought I did but it came back and bit me in my ass.