Every time I try to open up and be sensitive with my companion. I receive dry ass crusty toast responses. For instance.  I explain  a fear and a situation and how its a deep scar that is triggered by actions.  The crusty ass toast says " I guess u can see that."  15 mins later.  Like dued its my heart. I deserve  more than a I guess. I instantly see thoughts of stabbing him w a butter knife. Like feel that. Jerk. Insensitive.  But, I  almost never act on those evil thoughts.  I think deep down I would feel extremely good. But I rather feel good from a kind answer. And maybe 2 or 3 sentences. Then I get the wave of  am I dumb.  Do I suck as person. Where did I mess up. Is what matters to me pointless. Am I wasting my time. Then I get anxious. Did I offend you/him. Was it my tone? HE HATES ME. Throw shirts out the window. If I leave he'd be better. Everything  spinning in my head. I never do anything right. I never will. I give up.  ....  and l because I opened up. I expected more I guess.  Never satisfied.  Never sure.   Not secure. 
I hate BPD.