Recently diagnosed with BPD and thinking through the symptoms. When it comes to sense of self, I know some things. I know my name, though I do change my online identity a lot with hopes of starting over. I know I've liked video games, science fiction, and good quality writing since I was young, though I struggle to do any of this stuff now because it makes me feel bad for not working, but I'm also avoidant of any work because it makes me feel useless to have to apply for jobs at this age. But I can't really get past that... it's just... blank. I want to reflexively say "Yes, I know who I am," but I can just as easily say "No, I don't," and neither statement feels like a lie or the truth. Is this what people mean by a lack of sense of self? Should I be able to say "Yes, I know who I am," and feel something special? To have BPD, should I believe in the affirmative that I don't know who I am, or is it enough to be totally unsure, totally empty about it?

I feel like I don't even know what I think. Like all of my words and thoughts are just attempts to manipulate myself or others, and are just springing out of the ether. I don't feel connected to any of them, they all feel equally empty.