Idk how to really do this but yea, I have bpd I guess. Well not "I guess" I was diagnosed in 2016 but for the most part i dont really feel anything. I feel like days are just one small transition to the next, liberally. Sleeping feels like seconds and sometimes I dont sleep at all. I can not even bother really trying to talk to anybody, i get so unintrestied in them, or if they cry or just express themselves to much I get annoyed. I feel this deep bitterness in my soul (metaphorically) I think I have a good life, I never had to go hungry as a child, and all the trauma I have faced is on my own doing from drugs to homelessness. Like life is a constant drunken walk from place to place. Every face being the same, every person being almost identical to 100 other fucking people I've met, with the same arguments and opinions. Agree or disagree be damned I just want something to live more passionately for. Every time I come back to 'what would make me happy' I get the same idea of just packing a backpack and walking to the other side of the world, constantly meeting new people, cultures and ideas. I want to be the leader of group of hermits that know martial arts but only spread the knowlage to other homeless people, creating a new philosophy called street Buddhism (I'm not kidding about any of this) I want it to be a symbolic relationship beetween person the earth, giving up all possessions and woes to walk around america, talk phillosophy, and teach other homeless people kung fu. Not a religion, I'm no priest. It would a modern day monastic tribe of nomads, free from corparate america.