Last night, I had possibly the worse panic attack of my life.  I was watching a movie with my mom when I decided to check my pulse on my Apple Watch.  Seeing it was a bit higher than normal I started wondering to myself why.  Now, since my pulse was all I could think about I started to feel it climb… I started to feel tingling in my hands and feet… I knew I was in it now as a SURGE of adrenaline exploded in my body like a firecracker.  I jumped up and said I had to go to the bathroom; didn’t even make it 4 steps before I turned around, and said I think I was having a panic attack.  I was full on, depersonalized, adrenaline fed and completely at the will of my anxiety.  I just hugged my mom as hard as I could.  A 22 year old man, acting as if he is 10 and watched a movie too scary.  Now it’s the next morning and I feel way better but at the same time lessened.  Being vulnerable as a man sucks because I’m suppose to be stoic and strong.  I’m not.  I hate that feeling weak at times is against the norm.  I hate anxiety.  But I’m glad I have people like my mom who care.  Thank you for reading my rant this far.  I just really needed the world to hear it. 


Tldr: had a panic attack watching a movie with mom, feel like a pussy about it.