Hi. I've never posted here before because I'm not diagnosed with bpd but I have most symptoms. I'm 22F whose been dating my bf for 3 years. 

Things have been very rough for us. We seem to not be "normal" Our fights are always extreme ending with us saying some brutal things that leave scars.  Which get brought up in the next fight and it's an endless cycle. 

I feel like im unheard/ ignored a lot in fights and I'm just tired of it being an almost everyday thing. 

He doesnt have bpd but I came here to understand if my feelings are normal.

Lately I feel like my feelings for an old crush are coming back. Where I dream or think about him more. Which sometimes leads me to be colder to my SO since things are rough with us.

I don't know whats true feelings or just bpd. I don't know what to do anymore. 

I'm just so unhappy and stressed constantly. I've never felt independent and it's why it's difficult.