Hi guys. I am having a partially heavy night and don’t have many people in real life to talk to. Today I finally came to the conclusion that another relationship sizzled out into nothing and triggered the fuck out of my fear of abandonment yet again. Since coming out a year ago I have had two relationships shift into nothing right after the 3-4 month mark. I just feel so worthless and unlovable. 

I know i’m not mentally healthy but this is the second time things have ended bc my s/o is not In a good head space and is severely depressed and slowly drift away into nothing. I am too, I often am hiding much more depression than anyone will ever know......and i’m there for everyone else in my life but I can’t find someone to do the same for me? 

it breaks my heart bc the last time I was at their house, I was there while they weren’t home (with permission) and left a care package and flowers and a stuffed animal bc I knew they were having a rough day. am I too romantic? 

i’m so sick of convincing myself for days that i’m just overthinking and over analyzing their moods, choice of words, desire to see me, etc. I knew after a few nights of them not even saying goodnight or good morning, responses getting thinner and taking longer. They’re just having a rough time, it has nothing to do with me I know that. But I was right yet again and it hurts so bad. 

I was manic yesterday and sent some nudes as a last resort of sorts and now I just feel even worse. Am I too smothering? am I too nice? I often just feel too introspective to myself and others. 

I just crave a connection and care with my s/o that I haven’t been able to find and it’s heartbreaking. I want someone to care about me the way I do for someone else.