I've experienced enough. The good and the bad. Lately the most peaceful moment of everyday is when I drift off into sleep and right before that moment I always hope to not wake so I can finally be at peace. Yeah I won't ever be able to experience anything good again but you forget that the same applies to experiencing pain. I can't take anymore. I'm doing it next year. 2022 will be my death year. It'll be a miracle if I end up surviving. If I do survive then it'll be my 3rd psych ward visit and at that point they'll either give me disability or send me back out for me to do it again and again and again until I succeed and die.