So, idk if this is where I post this but I need to let out some emotional pain to someone! Need some input. Need support. 

About 4 years ago my boyfriend (M41) and I (F26) got pregnant. I was ecstatic. Yet scares as we already have 4 kids. I got super super sick while I was pregnant. I couldnt eat or drink. I ended up in the er being pumped with fluids for a day. The baby was taking all my nutrition. At this point we both were scared. We decided it was best to abort. 

After that my SO got a vasectomy. Figured he was too old to have kids and didnt want to risk me getting sick again. And 4 was enough. 

This whole situation is eating me. I cant help but think about the baby and what she or he would have been. Who they would be today and being a mommy. To him/her. 

Lately I have really been wanting another baby. I cant stop dreaming about getting pregnant and my SO and I being parentstogether, as his kids are from another relationship as well as my own. I am hurting so bad. 

He doesn't want one. But I do.

Idk how to talk to him. Or what to do. I just know my heart is breaking daily with these dreams and my regrets. 

Any advice?