Diagnosed bipolar + ADD by my psychologist but my psychiatrist isn’t sure and just has me on Lexapro and Wellbutrin. I have weeks and sometimes months of stability and then BOOM I’m spiraling. I’m not sure what triggers it but a simple conversation can make me want to put my fist through a wall (which I’ve done an unreasonable amount of times now). I’ve never hit my wife or kids but the rage I feel a lot of times just makes me want to explode. 

Yesterday I was going for a walk downtown by the water in our pretty little town and trying to do a gratitude session (where I recount all the things I’m grateful for; kids, wife, house, job) and had a very reasonable high just thinking about how lucky I am. Then a small comment by my wife via text just sent me 100% in the total opposite direction. She can’t live like this and I certainly can’t sustain this behavior.

My wife feels unloved by me but I love her and appreciate her very much. I have moments or days of clarity or lucid days as I call them and she gets to see normal me and things feel good. I’m not sure how to hold onto those longer or get back to those more quickly.

Maybe I need to try new meds? Are there any tactics that you all use to try to stay stable? I really can’t live the rest of my life like this. It’s unbearable. I’m hurting others and it just hurts me so so deeply.