Or I could just commit suicide so I never have to deal withy trauma again 

I'm gong to tell this to my therapist. I refuse to live if it means having to "heal" and deal with my extremely heavy and fucked up trauma over the course of my life

I don't care if I don't have to do it all at once, I have realized so much already I'd rather just die now 

No more pain, and my trauma can't hurt me in death

I will truly be free