hey everyone, i was recently put on meds for my depression and avpd. i took meds a long time ago and ultimately stopped using them because i was just entering high school and didn't like the way they made me feel. also my parents didn't want me on them in the first place and basically discouraged me from taking them.

i thought i was ready to try again, and since everything's gotten so bad as of late i felt as if i had to. the problem is, i cant tell if they help. i feel like they just completely change who i am as a person. i just don't feel like myself. i feel boring and dumb, and i don't feel happy.

i don't think about suicide and how others perceive me as much so i suppose they help in that way which is relieving, but yet i feel plain and empty. i have no motivation and i dont know how to cope. my boyfriend aka the only stable thing in my life right now has recently commented on how 'quiet' ive gotten. he says i dont seem like im expressing myself anymore (i write a lot and love to debate/share opinions) and just seem 'down'. he is concerned and i dont want to lose him. 

since i suppose i am new to taking antidepressants, i dont know if this is normal or if it's even worth it to keep taking these. maybe this means my only personality traits were my mental illnesses lmao how pathetic. just feeling lost right now.