I've always known something isn't right. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 13. I spent years slipping through the cracks of the mental health system. Years feeling misunderstood and angry. No matter what I tried to fill it with, the hollow feeling in my chest lingered. 

When I became a mother, I believed having a child would complete me but I only struggled more. My responsibilities grew and my time alone shrunk. I resented myself for not feeling as if my child was the piece of my heart I had been missing. I began to sink so far into my depression that taking my life felt like the only way out. 

Then a miracle happened. Fearing how my son would feel knowing his mother left him, I asked for help. I reached out to those who loved me most. I was terrified they would reject me, that I would be a burden to them or worst of all, they would think I was only seeking attention. These fears that had held me down for so long were only in my mind. I was met with love and acceptance. 

I saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with ADHD and BPD. I was not broken, I was not failing. My brain is wired differently and upon learning BPD was treatable, I could finally see a light at the end of tunnel. 
Medication is not a magic pill. I am well aware that I must put in the time and effort into my recovery but knowing what it is and having my loved ones supporting me has given me a safety net to fall on. 

I used to think that asking for help would make me weaker, that to get better I had to do it on my own. Now I know asking for help makes me stronger. When I feel that hollow feeling in my chest bubbling, I reach out and it helps. Talking about it makes it feel real. When it is real, I can look for solutions and work through it. I don't have to do it alone anymore. 

I am not crazy, I am not doing life wrong and I will not be depressed forever. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and that is not my fault. 

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If you have taken the time to read this, Thankyou. I wanted to get some feelings off my chest. To those who don't have a support network, I can't imagine how difficult it may be, I truly hope you find the support you need to make it through this.