I kinda noticed I have an absurd and depressing thought today. I have no will to live beyond people pleasing. Like there’s literally nothing I do in this world for myself, and there’s really nothing I’m interested in doing just for myself. I tend to feel a strong sense of loyalty to people who have helped me out in some way. Everything that motivates me really stems from this feeling that I need to or want to help them out. In a sense I’m just living to pay off my debts to these people. I don’t plan on killing myself or anything, I just wish I could have a break.