I have no idea what’s going on. I feel like I’m on autopilot, like my life is happening to me as opposed to i’m the one living it, if that makes sense. I do things and say things and I have no idea why or where they came from, and I do things and say things because I have this thing in my mind that says these things are predetermined and I have to do them because it’s fate, I can’t avoid them and I have to fill out my duty to say and do these things because otherwise something will go wrong (no idea what, it just feels like I’m obligated to fulfil my role in the fabric of the universe by doing and saying these things and I have no option not to). It’s like some strange magnetic force draws me to do and say things I wouldn’t normally do or say, as if my body just does things by itself - I’m certainly not in control and I end up thinking “oh my god, what did I do/say, thats completely uncharacteristic of me” way too often. I’m emotionally completely numb. I’ve gone from constant crying and overwhelming emotions to feeling nothing at all in the span of a day where something so overwhelmingly bad happened (I believe my emotions shut down as a defence mechanism because it’d break me if I could feel the negative emotions this event caused me) and I can’t. Recognise. People. I’m already having trouble forming coherent sentences because my brain is so fogged up and I keep misplacing things, I can’t remember ANYTHING as my memory has gotten so bad I can’t differentiate the days or even remember what day is. When I talk to my best friends I don’t recognise their voices or their faces. It feels like I’m talking to a stranger, not someone I see so often as I do.
I am in therapy and currently taking quetiapine for sleep, I’ve had awful experiences with medication so I’m very reluctant to take them because of the side effects. 
If it helps, I’m formally diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. 
I don’t know what to do. Please help.