In support of attachment theory, it does seem that it is precisely *interpersonal* triggers that bring out BPD in its full, raw intensity, and we're most likely to act out in regrettable ways? Even the otherwise high-functioning Borderline will struggle in interpersonal relationships. This is inclusive of borderlines that do not have any relationships/friendships/family to speak of - their deepest agony comes from loneliness and negative core beliefs.

Isn't it ironic how a budding Borderline will think by acting out and trusting their heart and throwing themselves into boundless emotional overwhelm, that this is being genuine and true to self, and somehow a true expression of themselves.... Only to later learn in therapy how fucked up everything we think is true, is actually diseased, twisted and broken? How far from reality our instincts are? And we're just trying to survive, because we've seen some shit, we've been through some fucked up hell and come out pretty shaken, alert and defensive. Can you blame us?

I put a fake face up as much as I can most of the time for them fuckers.. They may think I'm vain, self-cantered, over-dramatic, demanding, anxious preoccupied, jealous and angry. It's too much for literally any living person to handle. It's unbearable to us, it's exhausting for everyone around us. Literally, the only people on this entire planet that really truly understand what it's like to be us, is *some* of our therapists, and each other... I like what we've got going on here.

And fuck man, just because you've never ever actually met anyone else with BPD - we all exist in the same reality, in the right now, going through the same intense emotions and chaos as you are, and yes, we too feel so overwhelmed, trapped, alone and scared. But you are worth your best effort. Radically accept your disorder and learn as much as you can. Go to therapy or self-study with work-books, even when you don't feel like it or when you think it isn't working or isn't ever gonna help you. Don't give up. Read different theories, different explanations. Try different types of therapy, don't put all your eggs in one basket. But fully commit to one therapy at a time.

Happy is nice, but your primary target should be not to eliminate pain as fast as possible, but to learn how to *tolerate pain* as best as possible; without desperate, impulsive actions, and stopping emotional crises before they escalate. Just being *self aware* of spotting triggers and typical bpd patterns of thought, emotions and behaviours is huge progress. Soon enough you'll be reducing the frequency of crises, and reducing the time it takes to get back on track. It'll still be intense and paralysing when it happens, granted, but it's not as long-lasting.

I know this band isn't having good rep at the moment, but it's my favourite right now and I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that the lead singer is borderline, don't take my word for it. I just find that these lyrics oddly fit my current mood, maybe somebody will find it the same. Peace out.

"It's who we are.
Doesn't matter if we've gone too far,
Doesn't matter if it's all okay,
Doesn't matter if it's not our day.
Because it's who we are.

Why won't you save us,
What we are,
Don't look clear,
It's all uphill from here.
Ooh.


We were never welcome here.
We were never welcome here at all.
No."