I basically dissociated in the middle of our session.

She then asked me if I struggle with feeling dirty. I said yes, sometimes. But I'm not a "compulsively shower taking" person. Depression made a huge number on me. And my bad coping mechanisms are usually evasion and self-harm. 

But now I'm doubting if I actually do feel dirty because..  I know what it means and what it might get to. And I'm scared of the answer. But I also DONT REALLY KNOW IF I FEEL LIKE THIS OR NOT. I am terrified I lied to her.