Last night I got very drunk and was in an Uber with my boyfriend and I don’t even remember what he said, but I got too sensitive and it hurt me to the point I kept telling him to stop talking, he wouldn’t listen so pinched him hard bc I didn’t want to make a scene in front of our driver. I pinched too hard. It was wrong. He cried and we cried and I feel so bad for being an abuser, especially when I experienced so much abuse as a child and in a previous relationship. I told him I was wrong and so sorry and he didn’t deserve that, but I feel so terrible. I have vowed to never get drunk again but I don’t know how to punish myself for what I did. I have suicide ideation but know that’s not the answer, not sure if there are creative ways to hurt myself... I have been in bed all day crying and feeling guilty but there is no release because I cannot go back in time. I feel terrible. I feel so toxic.