Hello, I hope you can help. This might not be the right place, so feel free to shut this post down.   


I (38M) am not sure if I am overreacting here - but I am very bad at knowing when I need to ask for help (for various reasons I won't go into) and I am very good at denying my feelings. 

I noticed a few days ago that I felt very energetic and hyper, which felt uncomfortable. I couldn't stop my mind from overthinking (which is normal for me, but not  at this level). I had so much energy I didn't know what to do with it. I am particularly active usually (desk job and not gym fit), but tried to smash it out through exercise. It helped a bit but I really could feel the energy pulsate through me, like adrenaline. So I googled it - probably a big mistake, but bipolar came up. It suggested this could be a manic episode. Normally I wouldn't think much of it, but all the other symptoms of manic episodes and depression seems to click. I had a very bad year last year (2021), as I was in therapy dealing with some painful childhood trauma. I felt low all the time. I didn't do much at all or see anyone, only my sister who happens to live close by. So I thought my low mood was down to that. I remember telling a friend "I want to disappear and not exist". This to me is a red flag now, which I didn't think about until seeing all the symptoms all laid out in front of me. I have seriously bad feelings of emptiness (to the point where it is so normal for me I don't even notice it), which I thought was stemmed from the childhood trauma. But could it be linked to bipolar?  


What does bipolar feel like for you? My initial reaction is I might be being dramatic - but this could be my problem! I am self confessed hypochondriac so this doesn't help. I don't really know how to proceed here. Any help, advice or guidance would be much appreciated.