I (19f) have really been struggling with overwhelming thoughts of harming myself as soon as something goes wrong or not to plan in my life and it's honestly very scary. 

For instance the other day my partner had to change plans with me, meaning that we weren't going to meet up that day and it just felt like my world ended. I felt so terrible and I just wanted to harm myself again. I haven't harmed myself in over 5 years at this point but it horrifies me every time these thoughts come back. 

I idealise not doing anything final but being in hospital, having a seizure or just having a break for a few days where it's finally quite in my brain. These thoughts are overwhelming and I hate telling those closest to me as I'd have to bring up that they are sometimes a trigger and I never want to use my mental health to guilt someone. 

I am currently in a type of trauma therapy called schema therapy and it does help the past but I cannot seem to get these thoughts to leave me.