*marked as ‘person w/o bpd’ as not formally diagnosed, but have been told by hospital psychiatrists they believe I am borderline*

Note: I’ve never had therapy for childhood trauma, bpd or eating disorders etc. 

I find when I have had alcohol, I usually end up talking about my past. As this usually happens in one-on-one situations with close friends, they are never usually bothered by what I come out with as they’ve heard it all before, and are friends who get concerned/just allow me to talk freely. However, the morning after I get (rightly) anxious/irritated with myself for spending another evening talking about me/unpleasant situations.

In a good mood I’ll just talk about it freely, in a bad mood this can lead to full blown hysterical drunken breakdowns which can frighten people.

I just wondered whether anyone else was the same, and is there a way to not subconsciously always steer conversation in that particular direction? I feel because a lot of my trauma is linked to my family (childhood grief, difficult relationship with parents, other things I don’t want to say here) that whenever family gets brought up into conversation it steers that way. Is there a way to train yourself, even intoxicated, to stop yourself going in that direction?

Please no stupid suggestions like ‘stop drinking’ because I’m not going to. I enjoy drinking socially and this doesn’t happen every time I’m out, just depends on the person, mood and topic of conversations. 

Anything helpful would be super appreciated!