I’m screaming into the abyss. I should feel relaxed. I live with my girlfriend now and we love each other a lot. But I’m shattering inside. 

I’m genuinely terrified. I’ve started seeing a psychologist. I take medication. I see a therapist online. But I still fear so often.

I am scared. Because I feel the only way this stops is if I die and I don’t want that. I want a happy life with my partner. But it feels so hard.

Chances are this will get buried and nobody will see it. I have no friends since moving states to live with my partner. I feel alone.

I have friends online. But it’s not the same. I am too afraid to go out anywhere without my partner. I am too scared to do anything.

This is destroying my life. I hate waking up like this. I hate feeling like this. I hate being alone. I hate people that don’t understand.

I just want to cry. I want the pain to stop. 
I want everything to be okay.
Because if it’s not. 
No words can describe the fucking pain.

Thank you if you read this. And if you responded. I’m just… in a dark scared place mentally. I just want to be normal. Please.