I have been suffering from depression for about 3 or 4 years, but feels like forever some days. At the end of the day I know you can't use depression as a shield for crappy behaviour or for getting your way. But I can't really tell if my depression has made me worse overall affecting everything even down to my through process or if I am just not a good person at heart. 

It is really painful for me to write this as I just want to feel good again. Sometimes I just don't think before I act which can hurt people that I care about. I have tried many different things to help deal with my depression like medications, therapy, even get a job for a short time. The job I got was supposed to help me and give me some confidence but I was let go suddenly without much reason.  As the days go by I find it harder and harder to live or to even bother doing anything, I honestly think the only reasons I am still alive is family, friends, video games and anime. I still have somethings I would like to do like make animations but I am finding I have to push myself harder each time I go back to it. I just don't really know what to do anymore. 

At this point I don't know if it is me that is stopping myself get better and just not really trying or is it the mental illness I have getting worse.