My brain tells me I should disappear, I need to get away, I need to leave this place and ghost everyone. I feel it right now, I feel it almost everyday. I feel that energy in my skin urging me to shake myself, or run. I remember the first time I wanted to disappear. I’ve wanted to “leave” since I was young. I went out with my friend a few days ago and wanted to walk away when her back was turned. Our relationship isn’t great right now, after we went out I stayed in my room all day yesterday. I don’t know what to do. Strangers don’t bother me, being home and around people that know me makes my anxiety excruciating. Existing around them is so difficult for me. I only feel normal when they aren’t here, not even if I’m in my room alone. They aren’t bad people, I’m just a freak that has always been like this. I don’t know what I’m doing. I hate having so much adrenaline in my body everyday. I feel frozen and in flight mode at the same time. I want to get out, but where am I going to go? When you want to disappear where do you go? I had a dream last night that my mom disappeared and I was really distraught. I know I can’t really under the pure definition disappear because I would hurt her and my family/friends. I don’t want to hurt people. 
I’m forcing myself to post something because I never reach out and my friend doesn’t need me complaining more to her. I want to lay on the cold ground and dissolve.