I'll try to keep this concise without getting too far into the details or this will turn into a novel.

I've been riddled with neuroticism for most of my life. My childhood was pretty good, I think. But once I entered into adolescence, everything went to shit. The worst of it I think was around 14, during that period everyone's life when you suddenly aware of the judgement of other people and perceived hierarchies and pecking orders. I developed an intense fear or judgement, and my social anxiety became so bad that I hardly ever spoke. There were some that legitimately believed that I was mute. I'm sure those of you with SA will be able to relate to those experiences. Of course, it wasn't all bad all the time, but my baseline quality of life (in terms of mental health) was very poor. I had a few extracurriculars, namely band and art club, but made no friends. 

After I graduated, I went into college and failed spectacularly. Long story short, I entered into a tumultuous relationship that I was absolutely not ready for. That, combined with my own issues resulted in my being academically suspended, losing my job, and breaking up. This was one of the darkest periods. In desperation, I joined a government volunteer organization, which luckily accepted me. I spent the next several years traveling the country with a few different teams of other volunteers doing mainly disaster relief projects. In that time, I learned a lot about myself and other people. I had experiences and did things that teenage me would never have thought possible. I didn't really make any money doing it, but the experiences were absolutely invaluable. 

I also spent a lot of time trying to learn everything I could about psychology and philosophy. I had my share of existential crises, and I was attempting to remedy that. Trying to learn what my place in the world was. It was a long process of developing my worldview and applying what I thought was right through trial and error. In the end, I came out with an understanding of things that made sense to me. I developed some beliefs that others might call spiritual. Although I'm sure that this will continue to evolve as I go through life, the process has been a huge benefit. 

I'm back home now, and I've since returned to school and am doing well. There's still a lot that I want to do, things that I want to fix. But my anxiety is different now. These days, any anxiety I feel is more "normal" in the sense that it's tied to specific things and events. Like, if I have an exam coming up, I might feel a little anxious about how I'll do, but once it's over I can actually relax. It wasn't like this when I was younger. Back then, there was never a shortage of things to ruminate and catastrophize over. But today, my baseline state is neutral. Not necessarily joyous, but peaceful (although I do feel like joy comes more easily to me now). Thinking back on the way things used to be, I'm so grateful that things have changed. 

I can't be sure, of course, but I do believe that brain development plays a role in this. They say that the brain is fully mature around this time, and I do feel different. I feel more like and adult, and less like a scared teenager in a grown man's body. To what extent this comes down to physical changes or my experiences, I can't say. But I'm just glad that it happened. 

I hope you all get better as well. Trust me, I know how bad it can get. But please know that despite everything, there is still hope, and it is possible to improve. It might just take a lot of time, effort, and small, compounding incremental changes.