My routine is school&gt;home&gt;eat&gt;play video games&gt;jerkoff&gt;Sleep

I wasted 8 years of my life doing nothing, creating no memories and not having fun in anything I regret it everyday but I'm willing to continue doing it.

And college is 1 year away 

(In my county university is a very toxic place where people have fake personalities and they judge others by what they wear and how they look)

I'm skinny af and clothes don't look good on me sometimes they're too big and man that fucking sucks I wish I had a normal body weight so that i can wear anything withour feeling insecure and feeling like I'm a kid when going out 

I don't even care about fashion and what's trendy because I'm too lazy to do so and what's the point? 

Because of that I'm very lazy and discouraged I can't even go to the barber I get a haircut every 3 months although taking good care of my hygiene 

It's not about girls it's just about me I don't care about pussy I want to look good for myself I want clothes to fit me well I want to look confident I want to have a new hobbies I want alot of things I'm really tired. I'm unable to do many things because I'm poor 

You know, they say death is the only beginning,

I don't want to suicide but i wish I could die without intentionally doing it, like by an accident or a car crash 
I think a human true rest is only in his grave, no matter what you do life you're never happy anyway

I'm only 18 and I'm already sick of it. I can't imagine living till 60-70 in the same shitty cycle of depression - fake hope and happiness - misery and anxiety 

Man I fucking hate my parents, why would you give birth to someone if you're not able to give him a decent human being life? 

2014-2022 felt like a blink of an eye for me and I did nothing to improve

I don't know it might be a vent I don't care anymore