I'm at a point right now that I do not understand at all.
For a while now I've been dealing with a daily onslaught of crippling anxiety, social and general. My suicidal thoughts have been at an all-time high which isn't something I have had before, even during my darkest struggles.

I can't speak, look at people, or be present. I can barely function. Im so tense that I probably look like I just sniffed 3 lines of coke in a single sitting (Im sober. Always sober.)

My face just gets so numb for no reason and my throat closes up. My chest gets tight and I have periods where I start panicing while Im just sitting on my couch.

Im trying to be more introspective to get an idea of what the hell has been wrong with me 

On a deeper mental level I don't recognize myself. I swear I was completely fine a couple months ago. Confident and stoic, even. And now all this...

I really want this nightmare to end.

I'm hoping its okay that I leave this here since I really needed to put it into words. Im lonely and isolated ASF lately and barely get the support I need from my therapist, who seems to be tuning in less and less over time. 

I've given diaphragm breathing a chance but it actually hurts to do that. Hurts my neck too.

I am completely open to any advice anyone would like to share with me.

Thanks