I’m not sure if this is the right sub for this, as I don’t think I’m depressed, I only think that I could easily end up on that road.

I have mixed feelings about everything basically. Sometimes I feel like I am playing a part, sometimes I feel like I’m genuine, sometimes I feel like I only want to help to others because I want to be liked and deep down I’m a narcisistics, sometimes I feel like that I want to help because I’ve been left alone multiple times with some thoughts and don’t want anyone else to experience that. Then I start to think who am I to actually help or offer help, why should I know better, it’s egoistic to think like that. Then I realize that I should have self confidence regarding my inner feelings as well, but then again the thoughts are coming that this is not self confidence, but narcisism. 

I feel like my work has no purpose, yet I enjoy it. I feel like our lives is only making difference in a macro setting, yet I find beauty in everything, and I could spend hours looking at just trees in a forest. 

I live alone, and I love living alone, but sometimes I wonder if I love living alone or traveling solo because I truly love it, or because I have no other choice? I do have many friends, but there are times when I just want my own company, and then there are times when I hate being alone. And then I question myself if I truly like myself or not, because if I’d like or love myself, which I thought was the case, then why would I hate being alone? And if I don’t love myself, then how can I expect someone else to love me? 

I have no expectations from this post, just wanted to write it out. Stay safe Reddit!