I never moved out of my home with my parents. I got lucky and made money at a startup, and continues to be employed in a WFH situation., I saved it for retirement knowing this disease along with ADHD is just going to get worse as I age, same as it did in my mother whom also has both issues.  My parents are in their 70s and we are all pretty close, so I am lucky to live with them.

Mom has the same issues as me, but managed to do alright with them as she had the support of my father. My dad has the patience of a saint. I do not know how he manages to endure having two people in a home suffering from these issues 

It is hard watching my parents sometimes though. Mom always wants all these things but cant do them, dad is constantly working. Moms fine motor skills are starting to go away, and her ability to reason and think things out unemotionally is slipping. I can see dementia around the corner and it worries me.

Dad is constantly working himselfaround the house  trying to make people happy. Seems like a slave sometimes.He retired 10 years ago and I dont think he has yet taken a moment to rest.

I ask constantly ask if I can help my father out, but often get the response of.."No. I am good." I try to help anyway, but end up getting in the way more than anything. ADHD makes me pretty awkwardly clumsy. I try to compensate, but it never seems to be good enough.

I often wish I could make my dad young again, give him my youth. I already feel old, worn out, useless most of the time. He would do so much better with my youth and age then I do. Enjoy life again.

I am going to miss him a lot one day and it will break a part of me that wont ever get fixed. I will then be alone, say for a few friends.

My dad worries about me because of my issues. I want to make his burdens less, not greater. Want to be normal, make him and mom both happy with tales of a successful life.

Shit. I cant even carry on his genes cause I am never going to have kids because of how I am and the issues I have inherited from my mother. I dont want them passed down for another generation to suffer from.

Socially I struggle in relationships because of the bipolar swings, and the ADHD makes everyday conversation hard enough as most people have trouble following my thought patterns switching, or me forgetting what I want to say mid sentence. 

I am 40, so the likelihood of marriage, kids, normality has come and gone.

I keep rapidly cycling with my ADHD, almost on a daily basis. I will by manic, then depressed, then manic again all inbthe course of a single day.  One day I sleep 4hrs, if at all, the next 10 or 11.  Emotionally I can usually keep feom being overly happy or sad, but it is hard keeping control. Meds help a lot, but still....I try my best to hide it so as not to worry people.

I worry what it is going to be like when my parents are gone. The only people who really care about me and are around. I can keep going now because I have them here to love, to be loved by, to share time with. But once they are gone it will just be me and the diease, and it will win because I wont have anything to keep fighting for.

I will eventually need to stop working because these issues will get to hard to deal with and stay employed, and then what? Just sort of waste away I suppose, trying to hold onto memories of a time when I had people around who cared for me....Not sure I want that existsnce.

Apologize for this post. I am depressed atm and it helps to get it out.