My chest starts to feel this heavy pressure. Pushing deep down crushing my insides and whatever’s left inside of me. My face feeling warm as my cheeks turn rosey. Eyes burning as i try so hard to not let another tear out. My vision is mostly indistinct, as i try to look at what once was called home. I see the place i grew up in. The people who came in and out of my life so often as if i was like a thrift store. Used and left for someone else to use. Nothing really stayed consistent in this home. Not the faces, nor the things inside of it. My life was was this battlefield of love and hate Competing against eachother. Somedays i felt love. Not just from the people surrounding me in this home, but love from my belongings. My room it’s where i spent most of my time. Where i let my mind wander into these places i never wanted to leave, but most times i couldn’t escape. Fighting myself and seeing this self hatred part of me that sometimes i can’t tell if it’s me or someone else. She comes out mostly at dusk. The instant the sun goes down and is all cozy behind the clouds. Tucked in. Safe and sound waiting for it’s time to come back out and shine. But that’s not me. I lie here and wonder if I’ll ever be that peaceful surrounded by the warmth of being covered.