Hello, this is my first ever post...
I am afraid I will ruin my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been dating for almost two years now and are living together. The past four or five days I have been consumed with guilt and self-hate and paranoia. I am afraid he will break up with me because he will realize that I am holding him back from from forming a real, loving relationship with some other woman. I am afraid that I have been abusing him this whole time we've been together. I know he hates me!!!! The last two nights I have slept on the couch instead of in our bed and he has asked me why, and I have been too afraid to tell him... I need to punish myself. He has tried to comfort me and hug me, but I am afraid of him touching me and it sends me into a panic. I would prefer him to scream at me and hit me. I feel like I've trapped him into staying with me until next August because we signed a lease... 
Please help. I want to gather my things and leave and cut him out of my life and have all this pain be over with... but I love him too much and I don't know what I would do without him!!!