 

Hello, thank you for taking a few minutes for my problems.

&amp;#x200B;

I post it in r/mentalhealth, but no one answered me. Sorry for reposting

# ------My story-------.

I am a doctor of medicine. A man. I am a public health specialist. I am 36 years old. Related. I have no children and have never been married. I come from an Eastern European country.

I have a lot of problems and I suffer from depression.

My problems are related to family, work and human relations.

I don't like my job. I was trained to be a doctor. Instead, I stare at meaningless numbers on the computer. I deal with "health statistics" or in translation collecting incorrect numbers. I have no chance to work as a doctor in my country, because that job is reserved for the elite connected by family, party and mafia ties. The crucial moment for my job was when my **ex-girlfriend** sent me the message "That she can't be with me because of my job because that job is settled and has no future." The **colleage** with whom I shared the office, who is an engineer, by the way told me: "so that he could not sleep, if he were a doctor of medicine and did the job like mine."

My **parents** are doctors. They never wanted me to be a doctor, because they kept saying that I was inactive, lazy and incompetent. They live in a small town without real life experience. **Dad** is the only one and the whole world flattered him while they needed him. However, they don't need him today. He got me in later years. My **mother** is much younger than he is. She is a pediatrician, but she never had patience for me as a child. They have the greatest stress from me, because I cried several times as a child. I was constantly insulted. Eventually I started stuttering.

Stuttering is my biggest problem. It is benign. I speak freely, in front of a large number of people, but sometimes I stutter. That's why Dad thought I couldn't be a doctor. He explained that patients will be bothered by my stuttering. A **female colleague** at work, who is two ranks above me, said publicly that "I am a disgrace to my institution because I stutter". Of course, none of **my colleagues and my superiors** wanted to protect me. When I complained to my **father**, he advised me to apologize to her. To say, to practice and to try to solve a problem. My **mother** did not want to take me to a speech therapist, because she thought it was a "psychiatric illness" and that it would damage her reputation in society. She is very burdened by what other people think of her.

Because of work and stuttering, I have almost no **friends**. At first, everyone laughed at me when I told them where I worked without further explanations. It didn't bother me, if as it became more and more frequent it hurt me. I finished college on time with an average of 9.1 / 10.00. I gave all the exams the best I could. I believe that's why they laugh at me. I chose the job to prove to my **father** that I was neither lazy, nor parasitic, nor incompetent, as he put it. Unfortunately, I stayed here too long. I'm not sure how to proceed.

I live with my **brother**. He is a bit younger than me, and very withdrawn. We chage a dozen sentences a week. No more than that. Never about our lives. He does not want to talk about his life, nor is he interested in other people's lives. Last year, I accidentally broke the handle on his old door. The handle is worth 4 liters of Coca-Cola. Truly symbolic. I didn't have time to change, because the shops were closed (Saturday afternoon). He sued my parents. The problem is that day was out family's Patron day. If he had chosen any other day of the year, it would not have been such a problem. As always, my **mother** cursed me, and my **father** was silent. **He** just turns on when I answer my **mother**. **They** cursed me for 4 liters of Coca-Cola.

Of course, after all, I have seriously damaged mental health. I suffer. I'm sad. I look at the world that lives and me that I am without any life. Now I have started to sleep badly. I wake up all the time. I cry often. I used to be hard on tears. Now that I see someone's misfortune hurts me a lot. The only ones left are my **parents**. They keep turning off the phone so I don't call them. When we talk, little by little, my father threatens to call the police and put me in a psychiatric hospital for lifelong treatment. I don't remember drinking coffee with anyone. Story about. I realized that the whole world is only for the benefit and that everyone saw you as an opportunity to snatch something from you.

Does anyone have any advice?

People ask me how is it possible that everyone is against me?

My parents, brother, colleagues, and former friends?

Thank you all and I wish you all the best. May God protect you and your loved ones.

Best,

A.