Suppressing emotions without drugs is my forte. What aides this is useless internet browsing sessions and Netflix to keep me distracted. This is what's safe for me. When I feel emotions it's usually 1/40th. It's so dampened. With few exceptions. 

This isn't working for me anymore. I don't want to escape anymore. It's not good for me.

How do I lift this barrier? How to stop pushing things away? 