context: i started cutting when i was 12 as a coping strategy to release distressing emotions and negativity towards myself. if you're looking at this post then you probably already know the temporary relief it provides from the emotional pain. i found myself doing it more and more, then every time i made a mistake in sports i made a tally of how many times id do it. essentially, i was addicted to harming myself. needless to say, i had an extremely unhealthy relationship with it. as i reached around 15-16, i transitioned to really only burning myself... 

present day: im now 22 and as ive gone through therapy/medication, i practice more effective coping strategies than self-harm. **obviously ik that a large portion of this is related to having bpd.** a majority of the time (especially in the summer), im able to resist the urge, however, while i dont do it as frequently, i*m addicted to the feeling of burning and the look of the scars*. i have opened up to numerous professionals about this issue who seem to think they can change it. but regardless of how much dbt, medication, etc., *i genuinely cannot picture a life where i dont burn myself*. getting tattoos has helped me not burn in those areas, but nothing will ever compare nor can replicate that feeling. **im not being pessimistic, im being realistic.**