So, I was diagnosed with BPD 3 weeks ago. When I found it it wasn't just PTSD which is completely curable with enough therapy, I became hyper depressed. I felt broken and mad that I was doomed to spend the rest of my life battling this. Once diagnosed I also started researching as much as possible to understand and go through treatment. Luckily I had already been doing DBT for the last year and half or so which meant I had unknowingly taken a few steps in the right direction. I have video therapy every Tuesday . YAY But I digress.   
When I become depressed and am adjusting to change I find it hard to want to clean or even bathe sometimes for a week. With cleaning it can go up to a month. Yesterday or a couple days ago I talked to my partner about trying to start cleaning the house together. He has also been depressed and of course mixing it with being sick for two weeks makes that worse. I had been trying to pick up a bit here and there but it wasn't a lot all at once. I came out of therapy today feeling good about all of this new knowledge I had obtained about BPD and had questions answered by my therapist and happy that it felt I was on the right track to gaining some control.   
Well, my partner had come home while I was in therapy and madly started cleaning like the reverse Tasmanian devil. I came out of therapy and noticed he had cleaned the kitchen, started dishes, and had a load of laundry going. I smiled and said "Thank you for cleaning that. I didn't expect you to do so much since we said we were going to do this together." He ignores me at first. Then I let him know that I was going to head out to go get my massage for my sciatic. He ignores me again at first. I ask if he is ok. He says "I'm so pissed off I can't even talk about it yet." I recoil a little bit cause I'm nervous and say, "Ok, can I ask if it is something I did?" He then yells at me and starts saying that I never clean anything and that he is tired of cleaning up after me and that he does everything. This is not true. I do clean up, I just don't absorb myself into it the way he does. I do sections at a time where as he tries to slam everything out in like an hour or so.  He likes to anxiety clean to calm himself down though sometimes I think it stirs him up. He tells me he wants a partner not someone he has to take care of and I haven't done anything in the house in 2 weeks.   
I haven't done as much as I normally do, this is true. But again the oh so wonderful DEPRESSION happened.  
Obviously him yelling has triggered my fight or flight cause PTSD and I am a fighter. I've gotten a hell of a lot better with my temper when triggered so I explain firmly, not yelling because it makes things worse for me, where I'm coming from and that I had cleaned. He yells BPD doesn't make you not clean. I tell him he needs to get educated on BPD and depression and then firmly say that I am done with this conversation and walk away.   
I'm proud of myself for walking away and trying to handle it as best as I could. I'm still learning and trying to work my therapy. Now that I've hidden in my craft room to try to stop spiraling and quietly crying I wonder why would he chose to attack me right out of therapy. He showed such a blatant lack of compassion and understanding for my situation. We've been together for 9 years. We had just had the most amazing sex last night. I feel blind sided, hurt, and scared. I do not deserve to be yelled at for something like that. I will happily have a calm conversation about it and brainstorm solutions to help with his feelings of inequality but my parents screamed and fought all the time. My house was a war zone constantly. I don't want any part of my life to be like that ever again. And he knows of my upbringing. Part of me wonders if it was all my fault because I asked if he was mad at me. Even if it was because of that, I do not deserve to be yelled at.