context;

i was in a relationship for 5 years, moved in, i bought a ring, i was the with the person i thought was the one. i had someone come into my life who had the same interests and me, my so, and them became mutual friends until one day i started getting excluded from plans and they went out several times without me. i started to get worried but i still was extremely in love and it got to the week of proposal and she just left me, 2 days before my plans. she spent the remainder of her lease at this person’s house and it left me feeling really alone. the other day someone let me know our mutual friend had vocalized to them about how much she liked my so and that she had feelings. i confronted my ex and she said i had no right to know anything about her life post breakup and that i need to stop thinking about it. i want to fucking die. i feel just as bad as when my mom died in high school, i have gone back to self harming and being incredibly suicidal. people are worried about me and ive committed to get help but i keep spiraling. i can’t believe someone would come into my fucking life and do what they did and i can’t fucking stand my ex for not giving me any closure about the situation. im so fucking over everything and any day now i feel like i could just snap and end it all. i wish i could just ignore it and try and move on but its literally all i think about, my dreams, my thoughts, everything. i don’t know how much longer i can last.