I stopped with the medications and therapist. I'm worse lol. The voice is are back. The depression is worse without the medication. I've accepted that as who I am. Some people get to be happy in this life. Some people can make relationships and have friends.
 I can't make friends or relationships with or without medications. I can't be happy all the time with or without medication. I'll forever be trapped with voices with or with medication. I didn't want to live a life full of medications and doctors and therapists making little to no process. My therapist thought I was getting better but I wasn't. I still couldn't connect with people. Plus all I did was look down at the floor in fear and shame. It was pathetic for me. 
No amount of anime or people telling me it will get better. When it doesn't. It never does. I'm fighting a losing battle. Traumatized and fear ridden. I have little to no trust in people. I might trust some people but I know they'll hurt me. Everyone does because they are human. Why deny them they won't? I'd be lying to myself and them. I'm told my friend I should trust him more and that I was gonna do it but I've changed my mind. He doesn't know but it's better I not tell him. 

If it gets better, why am I still like this even when I try?