I cannot converse with anyone. I have a wife and accepted her 4 kids. Stress has been through the roof. J have BPD amd hormone issues.

Her kids have issues. I feel like everhone is allowed to have breakdowns but me.

There was a misunderstanding earlier. My wife thought I said something I did not so I felt attacked. I got mad, yelled, cussed. The kids have called my wife and I awful names during breakdowns with no apologogies. I lost it and am only told i am a bad example. Thats it. Ignoring i felt agtacked because they glt on me about something they misheard.

I broke down. I asked for my wife. I was djrect in needing to talk. With everything going on sjrely she would get I need someone. I moved away from my family and friends. I only have her. I was suicidal. I am more so even now.

She kept taking whag i said wrong. Saying that she was together in the moment and I was falling apart means I said she has no feelings.

She would not let me explain even though she came back her and said she would be with me. She kept saying I was going to draw things out even though she kept interrupting me whoch made it take forever.

I just wanted to be together. I made it clear. Now she will probably never even try to comfort me again because she said it took forever even though she herself just would not let me get my words out.

She has her breakdown amd calls everyone bitches in the house. When I have a moment I am selfish and choose to feel this way.

I really cant do this anymore. I live in a world where no one knows wjat i am saying and it is driving me insane. Not having one person when i am at my worse is driving me insane. I am alone in bed trying to fight the urge not kill myself. I am alone with a house full of people. I am alone but yet married.

I cant feel this anymore. I cannot do this alone. All i needed was her to tell me she knew i felt suicidal because she was not acting like. Never does.

I understand i was amgry and snapped but her kids say awful things and they are never treated this way. She says awfuk things and i never just let her suffer.

If this is all in my head and i am creating narratives and none of this is like it is in my eyes i really should not be here. I should not be alive. I dont want to be anymore.