I really have a hard time and I cant handle it myself. It isnt enough to visit my psychologist once every other week, she cant help me with my suicidal thoughts. Actually she doesnt really helps me at all..
i dont know where it comes from, or i cant explain it, but i wish i could be normal. I dont want to disappoint you, by beeing unproductive. i feel like the worst person existing. i feel like i cant ever doing anything right, so whats the point of keeping my existance? I am just a disappointment for every single living creature, but especially for the two humans who raised me and tried their best to make me happy, and now i am not happy.. and i cant keep my job. i will loose every job i get because of my mental state, and you will never be proud of me.
and if i would kill myself, I would just fail again.
so what should i do?