Hello, I'm a 20 year old (M) and I think it's time I reached out. For the last 7 years of my life I have been attached to someone. This person is the now mother of my 2 children and we were together at a young age and were in seperable. In the last month she admitted to me that she had an affair and is now in love with someone else and I mentally have lost it. I love this woman with everything in me. Now I want to be clear I am not perfect and I had a hard time growing up and I accept full responsibility. But over this extended period of time I grew and became who I am for them. I cannot physically think of a way to move on past them. They are my best friend. Despite the relationship they are my other half and I'm so hurt I just can't think of a way out of this mental hell I am in. I can't physically cry anymore and I've resorted to other means because its all I could do to not feel numb but I feel it isn't enough anymore and I think after today I will say my goodbyes. Not to the world but to myself and to any piece of mind outside of my kids. I can't be without this person and it has officially killed all of my spirits to enjoy anything In life anymore. They said they will always be here just not as a Partner anymore and for some reason it just isn't good enough. The reality of my life is I am always replaceable. I'm not good enough because I am never extraordinary with anything I do. Anything I'm capable of someone else does better. I was told in high-school I'm average. And nobody likes average. I make mistakes. Admittedly more than the average person sometimes and nobody likes mistakes. I guess the point of this is to just speak my thoughts to an audience who isn't listening because again, in clearer terms. I'm never enough. So I'm going to exist. Until my babies are all grown up.  I won't let them know im like this. And I will lie for them for their sake so they can have a normal childhood and so they won't think of their mother any less. She is still an amazing person, it was me just doing what I do best and it wasn't enough in the end. And that's okay. Not that anyone here really will pay attention to this mess of a story and the mess that is my life. But goodbye.