Sitting here. Feeling that my blood pressure is high. Worrying over it without possibility to check. Thinking if it high. Am I dying. Will I need medication. Forever? Have some palpitations. During last weeks I’ve been in doctor about palpitations. Nothing in EKG. Been in doctor about heartburn. They said it’s stress reflux/Gerd. I was and am sure it’s cancer. Found a lump from my diaphragm. Back to doctor. Normal. 


Now at cottage trying to take it easy but no. Next worry as said, blood pressure. Last weeks had a lot of stress from work. Had Covid. Moved house. Etc. so I am mentally drained. Exhausted. Angry to myself. Why can’t I let go. Why do I do this to myself. I will get punished. 

I’m sorry. Just venting. I’m tired. Needed to say that. I’m just miserable.