hey so i am a 19m with bpd. i really hate myself right now. i struggle with drug addiction making my situation a little complicated for treatment. i was doing really good until last year my close friend died and i relapsed and then started going downhill. i got myself into a therapy program a few months after that, and stayed for a month or two, but left because i started splitting and quit on the spot; blew up on my therapist and left. i've also done this with every job i've had , i'm 19 and have had 9 jobs. it's ruining my life, does anyone have tips that have worked for them with splitting? i also do it with every relationship i'm in and ruin it. it's like i can love my s/o full heartedly then a thought pops in my head and i'm a complete different person. it's hard to feel this way so i use drugs to self medicate, i only smoke weed nowadays cause hard drugs could kill me and i have history of overdoses. i don't wanna die, i just want change... i don't want to feel so crazy and sick all the time. i feel as though my brain only can cause pain no matter what, and it's awful. at work, at home, with therapy so i can't even get better. all aspects of my life are affected and i can't even get into therapy for a few months again because of the wait times. someone who has been thru this with any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.