Earlier this year i received my A level results. I was disappointed even though it was the best grades I'd ever gotten throughout junior college. Before going home i just sat down alone outside and cried for a good 45? minutes. My friends and family comforted me saying i did good but I don't feel that way. I'm in the process of hearing back for my uni applications. I had one 2 weeks ago and my friend had the same one and was already accepted. I haven't heard anything back from them. I have another one this week and i just don't seem to care about it. This specific one is estimated to be about 4 hours, and it's at 8am. It reminds me of when i sat for my a levels and it's pretty traumatic - I don't think i can go through that again. I haven't even prepared for it even though i know i really should. I should honour this chance but I'm just so drained. I barely made it out of last year. The two ' better' unis i applied to haven't reached out to me about any interview yet. I have a gut feeling that they won't. I know its not the end of the world but i feel lost. And really tired. I've been working and I'm fine with my job - it's probably the best work environment I've ever been in. But this uni process is fucking draining. My depression is becoming worse at such a bad time. It always does. I would usually have a panic attack but I don't think i even have the energy for it. I can't cry. I just sleep trying to avoid everything. I'm exhausted. I've been drinking more and more recently. I guess it could be worrying. It just helps me more than anything else. I just want to drink and get so fucked up that I forget about everything. I dread everything. Right now i just want to stop living.