With my FP (we’re dating, but not Seriously—we started as friends and he knows I’m BPD) feel like I put in so much effort to explain why a given action or behavior upset me—like we were supposed to hang out on Saturday before I go visit my mom and he ended up not being free until much later than I thought and not telling me until I asked late Friday night. I said I know he has a busy schedule, but that I wished he’d thought to tell me. I had been making an effort to give some space texting-wise (in my head LOL, not saying much) and after all that I wish he’d just asked me how I am without me having to force it. I kept doing the thing where I said goodnight but then was like “ok but actually” because I was expecting him to ask after me and he never takes the bait. I just keep discounting myself (“I know I’m being a baby” “sorry for being so annoying”) when I don’t even feel that way and I’m actually mad at him but it feels too stupid to say. I told him it wasn’t about the actions themselves but feeling like he cares about me and he was like “Obviously I care about you, OP.” no!! It’s not obvious that’s LITERALLY what having BPD is!!! I just feel like it would be less effort in the long run to take a little time for him to make a point of letting me know he’s looking forward to seeing me and going to miss me....but it feels so futile and dumb trying to get him to let me know he cares when I know my feelings for him are way stronger (told him I was in love with him—yeah I know lol—he said he “wasn’t there yet”). It just sucks and is so embarrassing feeling like someone has this kind of power over me!! I haven’t felt it in quite the same way since my last serious ex and I hate it!!