So I am an extremely anxious person and my therapist and I have recently tied a lot of my anxiety to my mom (what a surprise).

The thing is - my mom and I are extremely close and I love her more than anything. She is possibly on the spectrum and has a very hard time communicating which has given me some anxious attachment/abandonment issues.

The problem is - when I’m at my worst I tell her that she’s the reason I’m so anxious and I say whatever I can so she feels bad. This is mostly when she is doing things that trigger the abandonment issues (she has always prioritized certain things over family and this is when I get upset and say things).

My mental health is not an excuse and I am aware this is an emotionally abusive behavior. I have been working on this as I obviously do not want to hurt this person I love so much, but I am struggling A LOT. I don’t know what to say to her other than I’m sorry and I try to make it clear this is not on her and every parent passes something like this down to their kids, it’s just human nature.

I’m posting this to vent, but I’m also posting for advice that I’m not sure exists. Obviously I need to stop this behavior and separate myself from her when I think I can’t - but damage has already been done and I just don’t know what to do to show her how bad I feel.