Hi. I’m 22f &amp; I have bipolar disorder. I am a mom to the most beautiful smartest sweetest little girl, she’s 3. I love her with my whole heart. I’m also with her dad and that relationship is .. complicated but he is a good dad. We co parent well &amp; we live together, it’s honestly a peaceful environment for the most part. I’ve been trying to get my life together, I’ve been doing treatment for 2 years, I’m going to back to college, night school so I can stay with my baby during the day. I work at strip clubs here and there when I can for fast money. I’ve been on and off 4 antipsychotics since July, and it’s been such a hard long journey. Last night I had a full on psychotic break. Luckily my daughter was spending the night with her grandma for thanksgiving. I would never harm anyone but myself, but I was experiencing delusions and hallucinations and very much so considered suicide. I just feel so defeated. I try so hard for what? To just try another medication? Pay all this money for appointments and medications I don’t have insurance for? It’s bad off my meds it’s bad with my meds. I don’t know what to do. I’ve felt awful all day, I’ve snuggled baby &amp; gave her a bath but her dad took care of things most of the day for me. I’m honestly in tears because I truly in my heart believe she may be better without me in her life. I’m going to live with this disorder my entire life. This can’t go on. I am in so much pain. I want to give up. It’s too much. I’m thinking about packing a bag and leaving. Maybe go to a club for some quick money and use the cash and leave. When I need more find another club until I find out what I’m gonna do.