Do you think I sound like a bad person (a p)?

When I was 14, I read a Jacqualine Wilson book about a teacher, who kissed his pupil, and my head said, 'he did not hurt her. He did not hurt her. He did not hurt her.' I had to check if he hurt her. I do not think he did, and that was just onc incident, so I did not think it mattered. Then I watched Eastenders, and I saw Whitney being abused, and the same thoughts happened. I asked them to go away, but they would not, so I had to check if he hurt her. If he did not hurt her, then I thought it could not be wrong, and I would kill myself. 

I am really scared that if people find out, and they think I am a paedophile they will try to kill me.