My girlfriend and I share the same ex — odd situation, I know. We met because my ex (who just like me, also has BPD) broke up with me in a really cold and callous way; she abruptly blocked me everywhere one day out of the blue and moved across the country to be with someone else, despite being “so in love” with me. This was back in March. After the breakup I reached out to her on/off ex of 6 years because I knew what her social media handle was, and I found out my ex did the same exact thing to her.. except *many* times over the years. She would always come crawling back to her proclaiming how she changed, only to do the same thing over and over again. Anyways, her and I kept talking, realized we got along really well, met in person and then started dating.

However, she *hates* her/our ex. Absolutely despises her with all of her being. She doesn’t bring her up a lot or anything, but when she does, it’s always extraordinarily negative. But I know that she was also deeplyyyy in love with her, because she admitted that she was when her and I were just initially speaking as friends.

Of course, now that we have been together for 6 months, she proclaims she’d never take her back, that she loves me, and that she has no residual feelings for our ex. But I feel like if you hate someone *that* much, it means you’re not over them. I can’t exactly prove it though, I’m not inside my girlfriend’s head.

Is this just an insecurity thing due to my BPD and low self-esteem, or is this something to be concerned about? My girlfriend has never given me a reason to not trust her, but I’m afraid that even though I know she loves me, she might not ever love me in the same way she did her. They haven’t talked in over a year and while my girlfriend doesn’t think she’d ever show up again, it does concern me.

And I can’t really blame her if she wasn’t over her. My ex had this unforgettable charm and charisma, and was a really unique person. Even I still hold some resentment towards her for the way she left me, and we only dated for a few months. I’m just worried that I’ll never amount to her in my girlfriend’s eyes.