I hate how I feel. How I'm so selfish. How I can't seem to get a decent paying job and live on my own like everyone else. My SO just got a great job offer. It's almost double her salary and is something she really wants. But it's two hours away. Obviously she's taking it. She still lived at home to pay off her student loans and because she couldn't really work much during her late 20's because of her depression. So she's very excited. I am so happy for her. She's finally, after working so hard getting what she wants. And I'm trying to be so supportive. We're going shopping for little things she'll need for her new apartment and then she's going to seriously take a look at apartments around her new job. 

But I'm devastated, even though I can't let her see. I want her to be happy, but I know how my SO talked about how she hates long distance relationships. We'll never see each other and eventually she'll tell me she doesn't want to burden me with the distance and herself. She's already told me once she didnt think SHE was good enough for me emotionally. This just seems like an inevitable end. My job doesn't pay enough for me to even save enough to try to claw my way out of debt. And I'm living with family that depends on me to help financially, so there is nothing extra to save even a little. I'm already thinking about gas money and tolls adding up. I'm already working a lot of hours. And I've been taking some classes but with my anxiety and other issues they aren't going well. I would love to move with her, but we don't even live together now. Hell, I'd marry her today if it wouldn't hurt her financially. She's it for me. But I'd be a financial burden. 

I am torn up inside. I keep making myself so sick over it. I tried to bring up how we'll figure things out, but she just said we'll see what happens. It's going to be very difficult because she hates facetime and calling. I guess I can just go with things until she finally ends it. We only live 20 minutes away now and it's difficult to see each other. Two hours is impossible.