Sitting here after another long day of spiraling at work, not getting anything done because of it, and wrestling with how screwed up it all is. I'm not an idiot, I know that when I go it'll hurt people, and normally I'm...well, I'm not *okay* with the fact it's going to potentially mess people up, but it feels like it's the way it has to be, like if you've been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and you know you're going to be missed but there's no way around it. Right now, though, it just hurts and I wish I had never been alive so I wouldn't have to wreck things on the way out. 

I'm not ignorant, and I'm not cruel. I'm just broken and can't stand anymore.