My birthday is in 2 days and honestly birthdays are the worst for me. I never expected to be alive this long and I feel as if I'm just fucking up constantly. I've distanced myself from friends and isolated myself from the rest of the world at this point because it takes away some of my stress...or it did until this month. I've relapsed as far as self harm goes and felt badly so I gave up my instrument of choice but I keep getting the urge. I can't seem to have a decent relationship to save my life. I've lost income so I live paycheck to paycheck. I have terrible credit because of bad decisions during the darkest time of my life mentally. I feel like a little girl trapped in my adult body and feeling small or ignored is a huge trigger for bad behavior from me. Just this morning I looked in the mirror and thought "even being beautiful isn't doing anything for me, anyone with money could copy my face". I really just feel like a failure of a 26 (27) year old tbh.