My (23) whole family of 5 is currently at the airport waiting to board their flight and I’m at home hating myself for having anxiety. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed because this trip has been planned for months, hundreds of dollars had already been spent and I ended up having a mental breakdown last night so I decided I couldn’t go. I get anxious about leaving home for long periods of times and I couldn’t stop worrying about who would take care of my pets even though we had already hired a pet sitter for the week. For the past week I haven’t been able to sleep well thinking about all the things that could go wrong while I’m not home and when I did sleep I would have nightmares. When I told my mom that I wasn’t going she started to cry because our family has never been to her home country and this would be our first time. At that moment I felt like I didn’t want to live anymore. She told me it was okay and that my mental health comes first but I could see that she was very hurt and I’ve never felt so ashamed. I’ve been crying nonstop all day thinking about what others must think of me for backing out after all that money had already been spent. I feel like as an adult I should have better control over this by now but I don’t and I’m scared to face my family when they get back. I’m not currently in therapy but I am going to try to go back as soon as possible.