Who Am I?
Introverted dude with mental health issues.
I shouldnt complain because Ive got everything I need and ever wanted.
Roof over my head, food on the table, a beautiful wife.

How do you guys manage your lives?
If the answer is drugs im not intrested. Been clean 4y.
If the answer is exercise, same as drugs.
If the answer is god, dont bother me.
If the anwser is meditation, get lost.
If the answer is spiritual, find someone else. 

Last time I felt good was in Italy, Bergamo. 
Felt awful the first week but during the second week something happened. I found peace...a connection with myself. I can almost feel the same sensation while writing this. It was wonderful and nothing. A blessing from above or something. I cant explain, but that nothingness is the best ive ever "felt".

Death will be the final and best solution but Id like to try out to manage my body and brain in this chaotic world as long as possible. 
Drugs do work but they drain all the colour out of your system until your body cant produce or manage any more of it. 

This thing editing this text has problems accepting life and struggles hard to find a way of coping life as it is. Often looking for a solution outside, external pleasures. Always looking for more...
But then I remember my long strolls in Milano on my own just observing... Without any stress, without anything and ah, life is wonderful. 

I want to cry, it helps. 
Puking out the anxiety, it helps. 
Exercise your body until you feel the taste of your blood in your mouth. 
Take icecold shower Wim Hof style. 
Do something while im here... 

Until Im back there, in Northen Italy without anything... 
Only me, observing life with the eyes of a dead man.