But I didn’t bc there was a 6-7 year old kid next to me and I didn’t want to scar him. I told my bf this, he drunkenly told me I should just do it because I’m always talking about it. I’m so heartbroken, one of the two people who kept me happy enough to be alive this past year told me to just fucking do it. I recorded it and I’m going to show him tomorrow. It’s so hard to understand this pain, I make jokes and I really think I would never but sometimes I contemplate things way past intrusive thoughts. I’m on meds, I have a psychiatrist, I’m about to start therapy. I just don’t understand how the person you love the most can say that. I know he doesn’t mean it, but he doesn’t understand the actual fucking possibility. I could do it. I want to. I could. This isn’t something he thinks I’ll do.