Had my very first panic attack yesterday. I typically have low to moderate levels of anxiety, but always manageable. Yesterday I was not feeling well and ended up at urgent care and then sent to the ER because I needed a test done that the UC couldn’t do. 

I have trauma from my childhood with shots/needles from stitches and I’m always up front when I go to the drs or have blood drawn about this. Cue to my blood draw, they get some blood and I do as well as I can but don’t pass out. Then the respiratory therapist comes in and the nurse says they need to draw from my wrist, I freak out crying because I wasn’t expecting it and my trauma is related to my hand. 

They try (it was actually not from my wrist, but it was very painful). they can’t get it. Try on the other side and I’m hyperventilating from the pain and telling them to stop and I can’t do it, I ended up with my hands and feet cramped and locked, I couldn’t move and it was so painful. They were actually prepping to try AGAIN and I told them no, I don’t consent. You’re not doing that. When I said I was in a lot of pain because everything cramped and locked up, the nurse was like “yea you did this to yourself hyperventilating”. I told her I have no control over the trauma response. 

Once I calmed down they tried again and were successful. I get it’s a job and they just wanna get it done but for someone who has trauma it’s so horrible being treated that way. It re-traumatizes me every time and my response gets worse.

It was such an awful experience I cried when I got home and almost had another panic attack when I told my parents what happened.