...you just don't give a shit lol? Let me explain though, I love learning new things, researching for fun, educating myself, reading, finding new ways to live and do things etc... but no amount of positive or negative reinforcement affects my choices or desire to change my behavior. I usually always look for the easiest way to survive and take advantage of situations. I'll admit I've used other people for drugs and sex in the past, but I didn't enjoy it and I don't go seeking out ways to take advantage of other people because I think it's fun to get away with using people. I mostly mean I don't care about the little things society wants me to care about- following insignificant rules at work like dress codes, being on time, always being cooperative, some laws, not using substances, etc... obviously I don't want to end up in prison cause then I couldn't do what I wanted at all lol. But even if I get caught, scolded, reprimanded, or face consequences it doesn't really make me feel guilty, I just get grumpy, agitated, and self isolate more and avoid the situations entirely or find new outlets or leave and go somewhere else when I get bored or feel constrained or like I'm being told what to do too much. I enjoy feeling useful and being cooperative as well, I rarely cause trouble for other people because I do have enough empathy to recognize if my behavior hurts someone else and I don't want to hurt other people. But I just don't care about furthering myself if it's at the expense of being told what to do all the time by some authority. I'm trying to get a handle on some substance use currently but I feel there's a fragmented part of me that just doesn't care and doesn't want to need anyone else anyway but isn't really looking at long term consequences besides what I feel in the moment. Does this make sense to anyone and do you have similar experiences?