 Soon after I met my fiancee, she moved to another city for work. Most of our dating days were on Facetime. While I saw some anger issues in her during the time, I let it slide thinking they were resulting due to long distance relationship.

Fast forward to February 2020, she finds a job in my city and moves in with me. Things started to haywire from that point with little arguments every now and then. The arguments would be for some really trivial hairline triggers for instance, say I didn't turn on the heater before I the started the car. If I didn't walk fast enough from the car to the store she we would say "You will make me go tan". These arguments will result in a "no talking" period for about a couple of hours. Every time something went wrong, it could be a dish, it could be assembling an Ikea table, its always "your fault, you can't do anything right".

A month later during one such argument, she slaps me. I couldn't stand it and I hold her hands to pin her down going "How dare you slap me" . She starts to cry and tells me how me holding her hand hurts her."You are a man, I am a woman . Don't you know that I am weaker? now look who is crying! I am". Within the next one minute, me holding her hand becomes the topic of argument and the whole blame turns towards me. I feel guilty and apologize.

Each time such an episode happens, I try to tell her the next day "Do you understand what you did yesterday? Do you know how toxic this is? Imagine raising kids in such an environment" . She realizes that she took it a little too far, apologizes and says it will never happen again. I feel relieved that she finally realized what happened and is genuinely going to try and not repeat it.

10-15 days pass and they would be the most beautiful days.

Again something really trivial would trigger her and this time she would resort to throwing things at me, her phone, flower vase, sometimes pick up the knife, put it on her throat and go "You'll be happy if I die , right? Isn't that what you want?". One of the days she got angry she would say "I am going to call 911". It was mentally so exhausting. Her angry episodes would last for 4-5 hours and there will be a lot of name-calling like "son of a bitch, motherfucker etc". She would belittle me saying "I am going to leave you just like that (snaps fingers)." and "You should be happy that you got someone as pretty as me" . At the end of it all I would be told that I am the reason for her anger and that I do not know how to handle her anger.

There was one instance where she spat on my face while I held hands to prevent her from throwing stuff. Some other time she would bang her head against the wall when I held her hands.

She hasn't had any issues at work or at college due to such behavior. Is this abuse? How do I handle this?