I don't have many friends as is, and the ones I do have all ignored me when I need it the most. I expressed to one of them that I was afraid they would abandon me (we've fallen out multiple times before, all because of me) and they ignored me for hours ((their status was online and they messaged me in other chats, but ignored my cry for help)).

It was all over text and I always make sure I'm careful that I'm not sounding over the top, because I dont want people to get scared and leave. But I rely so much on my friends, I'm so afraid of being alone again, and being blatantly ignored after I'm there for them immediately every time they need help.. it feels like a sick joke, and it's made me incredibly fucking angry.

I dont know how to truly express the severity here, but I needed them to just talk to me, all I asked was for them to reassure me that they aren't leaving. They all know I have bpd, but none of them do anything to try and help me.

I'm so sick of being alone and I cant afford therapy or medication or anything and I have no insurance, I'm so fucking lost.