Self care has got to be the number one, most effective strategy with coping with bpd and my reactivity. I learned with bpd we need more, way more than other people do. You can break it down in 4 categories. 

-physical 

-mental 

-emotional 

-social 

Each of these areas encompasses everything the person needs to function. To use an analogy, I like to think of cars. Cars and their check engine lights. I think of bpd like I'm driving a car that's been through a lot and needs a lot of love to run properly. Sometimes the check engine light comes on. But you don't always know what the light comes on for. Need an oil change? An o2 sensor is bad? Maybe it's just that your gas cap isn't tight enough. It can range from a simple fix to a complicated one. When you know what to do you can diagnose and fix the issue. If not you can ask a professional for help and learn how to do it yourself in the future. 

But for bpd, when that check engine light comes in its already too late. That's when we have reactivity and splitting. That's when we dissociate. And get angry or sad.  When we have good self care we can do the necessary maintenance before a problem ever arises. Let me use personal examples to describe what helps me

Basic needs stuff first! I'm talking like drinking 8-16oz of water every hour to stay ahead of hydration. I'm talking eating a light snack every hour or 2 to keep the calories flowing and avoiding drops in blood sugar. I'm talking getting your heart beating and blood pumping every day. And perhaps almost as important as water is sleeeeeep, getting enough sleep is key. This takes care of physical needs. 

Mentally we all must be challenged. We must have interesting activities that cause our neurons to develop and strengthen. We must have things we can improve at or learn more about. Things like learning an instrument, or any hobby for that matter. This can bleed over into the other categories like playing sports or making new friends. Those are mentally stimulating activities. Things like watching television, playing video games, or using social media can be stimulating but does not inspire growth. They can be great to help ground you when already triggered, but not to be used as preventive maintenance.

Emotional encompasses what we struggle with most. And this is where we do things that will make us feel good about ourselves. If mental refers to the challenge, emotional refers to the achievement. Mental is learning how to ride a bike, while emotional is the feeling of pride that you learned how to ride a bike and challenged yourself. Things like completing a personal goal. But this also includes your outlets for your emotions. Like Journaling, talking to friends or family about your stress and worries and happiness and goals, reflecting on your day and your emotions and the subsequent actions you took. The way you talk to yourself lives within this category as well. If you are critical and judgemental and say negative things, they feed your negative emotions. Feelings of loneliness and wanting to commit suicide can come from our own stoking of those fires. The counter can be as simple as saying out loud the opposite of those negative thoughts.

Social is the final piece of the puzzle. Even if you are introverted, or dislike people, we need some sort of connection with others. A healthy connection. Even if you just make small talk with a classmate, or the postal worker that drops off your mail, it can have a profound impact on your health. Having pets can fill this spot as well, but social media again is a risk as it tends to feed the negative aspects and cause harm. Spending time with people who support you and respect you. Taking the time to work through misunderstandings or disagreements. Spending time around other people, even if you don't talk to anyone, can sometimes fulfill this role. But it's necessary.

This is by no means meant to be the end all to self care, but a guideline of what to think about and a lot of it needs to be personalized to fit you. I have noticed that I am a better person when I take care of myself with these areas to guide me.