Only after three days of meeting, guy and I kind of liked each other. It's not that we flirted or anything like that; our relationship was purely emotional. He told friends in secret that he liked me. I wasn't supposed to know, but our friends told me thinking they were helping the two of us get together. So when I went and asked him of his feelings, he said no, and told me that he had a girlfriend the entire time. He completely cut off all contact with me after that. We live in different countries, and he didn't even want to be social media friends.

I felt empty. Knowing that at any given time, he could be texting her, calling her, on a date with her, kissing her. I couldn't bear it. I still can't. The way I was so insanely in love with him, and yet he believed that it would be best if he never saw or spoke to me ever again. He broke up with her only a month after he and I met It's especially weird because despite us not following each other on social media, he's always looking at my stories and videos. Still, he's not reaching out. I don't know why. I don't know if he just thought it wasn't worth pursuing; since we live in different countries, we had only known each other for a few days, and because of all the drama. Or, it could be that he still likes me but feels like he's ruined things. I guess it doesn't matter, anyway. I don't want to forgive him. It's so confusing because part of me wants to be with him, but I also know that he'd better get ready to apologize for the rest of his life for abandoning me. For making me take the fall for his actions.

I know I'm being unreasonable. I just wanted to be loved back, just like anyone else. I was verbally and emotionally abused as a child. I remember going into my room at night and singing myself to sleep "someday, my prince will come", over and over again. If not for this fantasy, I might've ended my life years ago. I want someone that will give me a fairytale. It doesn't have to be fantastical, but I just want someone that'll fight for me, and will accept me, regardless of my flaws. I wanted to fall in love with someone that'll know from the start that I'm the one. He took all that away from me. He destroyed any chance of a fairytale we could've had, and he still has my heart, and he doesn't deserve it.

I hate love now. I hate it. I hate Valentine's Day. I hate National Boyfriend Day. I hate National Girlfriend Day. I don't like weddings. I don't like seeing people kissing each other. I don't like seeing couples holding hands. Maybe I'm a miserable person. Maybe I'm not the princess/maid/village girl in a fairytale. Maybe I'm the villain.