When I fail at something, especially when the failure is caused by something stupid, I want to kill myself. 

I hate myself so much. So fucking deeply. I'm my own fucking enemy. I want things so bad but all I do is self sabotage. I wish I was dead. I wish I was dead already. I want to die before I let mysel down. Before I prove to myself that I can't be who I want to be. I hate myself so fucking much. what is wrong with me. Why am I so terrible? I HATE MYSELF.