I’m done with acting normal all the time. It’s like a part of my everyday routine. I wear a mask of normal human being. I don’t feel anything, only complete emptiness. I’m tired of faking the smiles, sadness, empathy.

Deep down I don’t care and I’ll never will.

I don’t know what mental illness it is. From the young age I didn’t understand that animal can feel pain too, until my parents explained it to me. From that age I just adopted new “normal human being” values, emotions that I should feel, started to think how other people would act/think and acted like them. I fully adopted to the new way. Now the only thing I can’t change is how I feel inside. I developed these fake instincts what to do in certain situations. For example, if a car hit someone, I should a- feel bad for them, b- want to help, c-help them, etc. 

Sometimes this madness shows off, but I try to hide it as much as possible. I enjoy dark humor too much...

Am I one of you guys? Who am I?

What should I do? 

Not caught, not a thief. 

Should I wait till the mental health specialist notices my strange behavior? How to pass the mental check as “normal”? 

Because stupid college psychologist (aka the walking pain in the ass) may suspect something. 

Help
