Playing games, watching shows, eating, etc. I just feel neutral while I do it, not happy, not content, just neutral. Any happiness I get from it is so fleeting it doesn’t even feel significant. Out of everything talking to my friends is probably what gives me the most joy but I feel like that’s cause I can do it for so long, but as soon as they’re gone I’m instantly back into sadness and anxiety. 
 
It’s really been bothering me the past few weeks. I was asked if I could do a list of my likes, interest, etc for a secret Santa so my gifter could get some ideas. And my mind was just blank. I avoided even thinking about it for a while but when I had to write it I took so long and really struggled. I wrote things I do genuinely enjoy but it really messed with my head because I realised I don’t really feel happy when I’m doing something related to these things, I’m just not sad, they’re all just distractions. 

I’ve cried so much more than normal this week because of this, and now everything in the future I start to enjoy I’m going to question if I really like it.