I have been a sufferer of anxiety for as long as I can remember. I am 23 now. The full form of my anxiety did not appear until I was 20 years old. Ever since then I have been on a rollercoaster. Because of my awful symptoms I was prescribed Xanax. While this did help, it hurt me more in the long run. I was also put on gabapentin. When I wasn’t taking the Xanax I would feel more anxious. A month ago I decided to jump off, and I did. Not without 4 hospital visits convinced I was dying, though. 


Last week I hit my breaking point with another terrible (seemingly life threatening) panic attack. I can’t go to work anymore, I can’t see my friends anymore, I can’t even go out to eat anymore. I lost 10 pounds in July just from puking alone. I called my family doctor at 7am and she told me to go to the emergency psychiatric unit at the hospital near me. I went there and was evaluated by a psychiatrist for the first time. 

The psychiatrist recommended I do an inpatient or partial inpatient program. I was very hesitant of this because of my new job but I knew I had to do this or something bad could happen to me. Luckily, my boss was very understanding and I am starting the program on Monday. 

I don’t know what is going to happen. Medication scares me, but I know I need it. I’m stuck taking gabapentin because I get sick without it. I know the next few weeks will be hell. I have to do this. I cannot keep living like this. This is the end of the line for me. Wish me luck.