I am 25. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was nineteen. I went through DBT, found it extremely helpful, graduated college, got into grad school, etc.

My mental health took a nosedive once I started grad school. I had just gone through a few traumatic events, and I had no access to a therapist at that point. For three years, my mental health has declined, and I’ve tried to talk to my family about it, and they generally haven’t listened. 

I had to move in with my mom and stepdad last month due to the fact that I’m currently unemployed. There were a lot of different stressors that ultimately led up to me having a suicidal breakdown. While I was cleared by the psychiatrist in the emergency room, my mom and stepdad refuse to take me back in.

I went to my dad for help, and he basically doesn’t want to help me out unless I enter a residential treatment center. To be clear, I have no substance abuse problems, and I don’t have an eating disorder. I’m just an extremely stressed 25 year old woman with BPD and PTSD.

I don’t want to go to a treatment center. I have never found those types of programs to be helpful, and I have tried to come up with a compromise with my dad if he will help me out with housing for a little bit. I have already gotten into contact with my original therapist who helped me through undergrad, and she managed to squeeze me into her schedules for a weekly visit.

I’ve also been looking at more types of jobs and have told my dad that I am willing to give him an extremely detailed summary of all of my job search info, including all of my applications, and that I will accept any type of job I can get for the time being. (As of today, I can’t really apply anywhere because I am homeless, and lots of my stuff is still at my mother’s house, but I expect to get my stuff soon, and if I have a place to stay for a month or so, I think I’ll be able to find a job, even if it’s shitty, and I’ll continue through therapy.) 

I don’t think any of these things are enough for my father, though. He does not want to help my out financially unless I go to a treatment center. 

This would be extremely expensive for him, so I’m not sure why he isn’t worried about that, but one of my biggest concerns is the fact that I would still be homeless and without money to get back on my feet once I get out. I’m not really sure what he thinks I will get out of it.

But if my choice is between homelessness and a residential center where all of my needs will be met, I don’t know what to do. If I didn’t go a treatment center, I think I could maybe stay with some friends for a few months, but everything is sort of unclear.

I just never thought this would happen to me, and I feel so lost because I don’t know what residential treatment could offer me when I am already seeing my really good therapist again, and when my problem over the weekend was a buildup of stressors related to concerns about my mom’s health, the pandemic, my dog’s health, unemployment, anniversary of Katrina, etc. I was also incredibly sleep deprived and was also sick (bad sinus infection), so I just... snapped after a fight with my mom.

I don’t think this would happen again since I have taken necessary steps to make sure it doesn’t, and I feel confident that I am working towards a good goal with my therapist. I’m honestly really relieved to talk to her. She doesn’t think residential treatment is a good idea (also isn’t a fan of my parents), but I don’t know!!

Has anyone dealt with something like this? I am not sure I can handle the stress of homelessness. I just want stability and shelter, but I guess there’s maybe only one way for me to get it.

If anyone has gone to a treatment center for BPD, please let me know your thoughts. Did it help? What did you learn?