Hi. I have BPD (I think quiet borderline) and have done a course of DBT, which was very helpful. For the first time, I felt I was in a group with people who had similar experiences to mine - they are also some of the most thoughtful, reflective and caring people I’ve met. We have a WhatsApp group so we can text each other and suggest skills when someone is triggered and in a crisis. I have been resisting the label of “BPD” It’s very hard to read the information out there, especially on Reddit. 95% of people say “run” or “they are monsters”. I do have sensitivity to feelings of defectiveness (BPD) so this is majorly triggering that “panic button” but I also haven’t found any real positive stories to encourage me. I had a very emotionally abusive relationship with both parents - I think my mother has untreated BPD and absolutely explodes at anything. My first long term relationship when I was 20 was a toxic disaster. I really did try my best but I was not good at dealing with my emotions - I had pushed them away in order to focus on getting into university, otherwise it would have overwhelmed me in a debilitating way. My second serious relationship, when I was 26, was a lot better - it was very different to the first. I was much more considerate and aware of my emotions - I made sure never to neg him and give lots of validation etc. But I did still manage to make him feel like he was never good enough, because I would still be very down - it wasn’t lashing out exactly, but I would talk about my feelings of defectiveness and feeling of being unloved and I cried so much for no reason - I think saying I felt unloved felt very accusatory to him and like he was not measuring up / failing. He broke up with me, saying I had a “negative worldview when I had so many positive things going on”, but would also approach me after the breakup looking for emotional support, then just detach, which was really distressing and confusing. The last conversation we had he said he couldn’t communicate and didn’t feel heard or understood, but it’s also the way he’s felt his entire life. He also apologised for “emotionally unloading” on me, but that it was because I’m a good person and one person he “could really trust” but that he didn’t love me anymore. I felt absolutely deflated and hopeless after this experience because I had tried very hard to do things the right way, although I still acted in the way I described above. I’m very scared that, even with treatment, the relationship will still be too much for a “normal” person and I’ll end up driving them away. I isolate myself because I’m scared if I get to know people they’ll discover how I am emotionally and leave - that pain would be too great to bear. I would love to hear from positive experiences in BPD relationships that might be encouraging.