Sorry in advance for the wall of text. I'm venting, basically.

I'm going through a breakup right now and I was just wondering if anyone can relate to how I'm feeling. The first few days, I kept going from coping so well it was shocking, to just crying hysterically and feeling crushed by loneliness. It's just this fucking pattern that won't stop, even a week later. It was only four months and I know I didn't love him and he didn't love me, but I got so used to being around him and now he's not around anymore and conversation is awkward. I have to pretend that I'm coping well so he doesn't feel bad. I feel like no one cares at all. The only friends I have are online. My IRL "best friend" hasn't replied to the text I sent her days ago. Really shows me how much she cares and is trying to be there for me. All my online friends are understanding but it's not enough. I need someone in person to just give me a fucking hug and tell me that I'll stop feeling like this eventually. 



I need to start working my ass off this summer so I can just forget about how lonely I am. I decided to make big changes in my life, like going to clubs and socializing, but I can't really do that until the fall since classes just ended. I'm excited for group therapy to possibly make friends but again, that's MONTHS away. It's been a struggle to even get out of my fucking bed in the morning. My kitchen is a mess, my bedroom is a mess. I just moved into my new place and it was supposed to be exciting. But I still haven't completely unpacked and I have no motivation to do anything. I'm broke and can barely afford groceries. 



Everything for the past four months reminds me of my ex and I hate myself for even getting myself into a relationship in the first place. I had such high hopes that it was going somewhere. He was my first boyfriend and now I'm alone AGAIN. I'm more sad that I have no one than I am that he broke up with me. I immediately went to Tinder/Bumble after my breakup but when I couldn't immediately find someone else to date, it crushed me. My sister's moving in with her boyfriend, my brother's married. I have no one.



I have no one.