Content warning for alcohol abuse. 

A few days ago, someone close to me told me that they had gotten drunk to alleviate their own anxiety. I told them that it was terrible for their physical and mental health and they should try other methods to calm down. 

Last night I did exactly what they did but worse. I was alone, had had a good day ruined right at the end of it, and drank until I could barely stand up. I was drunk messaging all of my friends like an idiot and even sent a luckily not-incoherent email to a business associate while I was absolutely sloshed. I called my partner and made their night more stressful with my bull crap when they really don’t need any more problems right now. I was sick multiple times before I finally passed out. I’ve never had a hangover before but I woke up with a headache this morning. 

I feel like such a stupid hypocrite piece of trash. How could I tell my loved one not to drink when they’re suffering and then do exactly that less than a week later? I wasn’t trying to numb everything away at first but once I started I felt so much better that I couldn’t stop. Some of what I drank is still in the fridge and I’m afraid I’ll crack tonight and do it all again.