I wish i could be different. I’d rather be anyone else, just not me. I’m so hot and cold, disgusting, and unworthy that it pains me. If i died right now I’d be happy. I want my life to end. I just hurt and take from everyone. No one deserves to be treated the way I treat them. I am a monster with the devil constantly over my shoulder. If i died I would no longer be a problem, I’d just be gone. I don’t know why I treat people like this, they don’t deserve it. I think in the future i’m going to get my tubes tied, there’s some people who don’t deserve the things the universe gives them. I don’t deserve my family. I really want to die, just make everything go away. 

This will forever be my life. I will always sabotage myself. I am unworthy of love, because i hurt everything and everyone who tries to love me. I feel like i will be dead before 25. I am someone who shouldn’t be given the chance to live. Today was terrible, worst day i’ve had in a while. I starve myself every time i treat someone bad, hopefully my body will get the hint. No one’s ever told me i’m unworthy, or disgusting that’s just how i feel about myself and my actions towards others. I think me being alive is disgusting, I am unworthy of this life and everyone in it. I think I need meds, as i can barely function day too day anymore. i don’t want to take them but i may need to just to survive. I wish everyone would realize that everything I do, even the bare minimum is the only thing keeping me alive. I’m struggling to live everyday. One day i’m tempted to grab the gun, and the next i wish there were more days like this. I find beauty in the world on my good days and on my bad days i wish for it to just end.