If you want something hopeful, you won’t get it in this post. There is your warning. Many of you might get angry on me even, for the benefits I have in life, so please, I do feel ashamed of myself to discredit any other major problems. But if you can bear with me. 

Hello. 18 year old male here, i am so sorry to make this edgy post but it’s mentally killing me. I feel like I have everything in life, while at the same time not. I am confident, extroverted, ambitious and I have a plenty of friends, good parents, I also have a decent salary on the side. Yet I still feel empty. I don’t drink and I don’t take any form of drugs and I hate hook ups, not my thing.

I am currently studying for my future job. This education was my only option and was the best one. I made a promise to myself that if I don’t succeed in this education and lose my spot due to strikes, I would kill myself, go somewhere far where no one can find me and relieve my parents pain from finding out what really happened to me.

At the moment I have tried everything, golf, tennis, wrestling, handball, boxing, football, swimming and hit the gym. I have also been socializing a lot with almost everyone I meet, they enjoy it, I get bored, they compliment me I feel proud, yet nothing. I have talked about my mild depression with my parents, therapists and my close friends, nothing works. 

I genuinely just want someone near, an intimate relationship. Yet I can’t find anyone.