Everyone I hang out with is too busy, my boyfriend (fp) is really distant and wants more time to be alone and with his friends. I feel so lonely and left behind all the time, and whenever im home (i live alone) i just have a meltdown. My meltdowns also affect how my bf sees me, and he already told me that if i keep doing this he's gonna break up with me..

Im just so overwhelmed by all the negative feelings, i feel like i will never get better and i'll always have to deal with these triggers and thoughts..
I kinda don't feel like living anymore, its always gonna be this hard and i dont want to fight myself forever.

So im stuck between killing myself, isolating from everyone or pretending to be bubbly, fun and interesting when i have to deal with people.