A couple years ago I met someone online on a dating app. He allegedly was looking to date. Looking back now I don’t believe it was with me. He was charming. I’m a sucker for a similar sense of humor.  It some how turned into a fwb type situation. I’m loner for the most part but I really enjoyed my time with him. When we were together it was like time stopped. No one else existed when we were together. Like our own little world. I knew we were hooking up and tried to keep it compartmentalized in my mind but when I called it hooking up he would tell me he never saw it that way. It was more. I went against my instincts to trust and believe him. A year ago I decided to stop drinking and really work on being a better me. I decided I wanted to seriously date someone, romance, monogamy. I put myself out there but he wasn’t interested. No hard feelings and I walked away. I was proud of myself. About 6 weeks later I started to really miss him and couldn’t understand why. Our visits were nothing regular. It was just occasionally. It took my therapist a couple months to help me realize maybe I had unknown feelings. I’ve been actively working on moving on and letting go for almost a year. Deleted him on social media. No contact. Journaling. Therapy. Write the letter you don’t send. Dating. Everything. I’m still so very sad and miss him. My most recent AD med made me emotional and at a weak moment I sent him a message. “Hey how are you “.  No response. Not even showing read. So either read receipts off or he’s archived it or something. I feel so pathetic and lame. I wish I hadn’t sent it. Idk why I can’t seem to get it together. I don’t want to have feelings. I don’t want to hold on to him. But my heart won’t let go. What’s wrong with me ?