Most of my life I've had lived with a delusion that I find comfort in; it has always been my primary purpose to exist. It literally makes my world brighter living with it, and motivates me at times. Until recently I was not aware I was delusional. Since then, a few times I've felt 'reality' come to destroy this delusion, and I've rejected it. At the time it felt like I would lose my soul (the part of me capable of feeling) if I dropped this false belief (or rather what the healthy people call false). I fear that I would just be left with the emptiness of depression.

And yet, maybe it is by letting go of this belief, mourning the loss, that I can becoming something else. Someone who is less miserable (I am barely functional in the las months), someone compatible with others. I don't know; in someways it feels like suicide. Has anyone experienced a delusion like this? I read most delusions are not of this kind, and cause people anxiety, paranoia, and/or harm. But so many people believe in religion - and that also brings meaning and comfort in their lives. But they form communities... I am alone in my delusions... I don't know.