Hi so.. a couple years ago I moved to a new city. I quickly met a handful of people who would soon become close friends. 
They helped me realize who I was and we all clicked really well. We spent the next year partying together and making life long memories. 

Last summer for various different reasons I had a falling out with each and every person. Much of the conflict could’ve been avoided if I hadn’t split on many of them or blocked a lot of friends for no particular reason then unblock later etc but long story short, I lost all of my friends (10+ people) almost all at once mostly as a result of my unchecked BPD symptoms. 

It’s been ..really really really hard. 
The first couple of months all I could do was cry, I would wake up and need to smoke Weed immediately to not feel the immense pain of losing all of these people from my life. I thought about each situation and ran through it over and over and over 
Wondering what I could’ve done better or differently 
I constantly want to message everyone and beg for forgiveness because I truly loved every single friend I use to have. I had NEVER met a group of people who took me in with open arms and showed me how fun life could be. 

They were the first real friends I had ever had. In high school nobody liked me because I lived in a very small town (50 people in my grade). 
Before that I was constantly moving, I only spent maybe a year at each school I’d gone to so when I moved to a new city after graduation I was excited for the opportunity to meet more like minded individuals. 

I don’t think it’s appropriate to message anyone after so much time has past so I’ve prevented myself from doing it but I can’t stop thinking about them. I miss everyone so much it makes me break down even now. 


Please someone drop some coping skills on this issue.. I’m going totally crazy. I just want to cry and beg for my friends back but I know that’s pathetic and the friendship we once had are long gone... I just need to find a way to be ok again.