happens every time. i am excited for my family to go away &amp; to have some alone time, but once they're gone i feel an incredible sense of loneliness. i try to make plans with friends every night to distract myself but i've been feeling awful even while im out, which isnt normal for me. i get up in the late afternoon and immediately get baked &amp; watch tv, and remain there for the rest of the day. it makes me sad and guilty for wasting my time but i just dont want to do *anything*. the ONE night i don't have plans, i start assuming i have no friends and no one really cares about me. im starting to freak myself out. i keep bursting out crying out of nowhere... like wailing on the ground randomly &amp; i have to get higher to make it stop. when i talk i sound weird... like i caught myself crying and pleading with my pet when he was annoying me haha. theres garbage everywhere and its making me claustrophobic. ive been having some rlly bad thoughts again :(

maybe this sounds incredibly stupid &amp; like theres no real problem. im just feeling really weird right now like im stuck in a dream. &amp; bcuz of the whole 'no object permanence' thing im feeling like ive been here forever. my sense of reality feels rlly warped. i wish i had someone close enough to confide in who could comfort me right now. sorry