i feel terrible. i have no one. i’m getting drained and frustrated just typing this. i’m almost at my worst right now, my most intense and terrible feelings of worthlessness and lack of care / interest for everything. i feel like a fucking idiot for even venting here, which is stupid because i know that you’re all strangers that understand how i feel and won’t ridicule me. i don’t get it. i’ll be in my own depths of hell, and then the moment i try to explain my feelings out loud, i shut them off and feel pathetic. i don’t know how to conclude this. i’m a mess right now and frantic. i’m just trying anything to make me feel better. i’m 19, i’ve attempted suicide 4 times from ages 12-17. i don’t want to fall down that path again. i don’t want to die but i don’t want to live like this, it’s almost unbearable