I've got 5 ish options - 

Finish college 

Military 

Job

Finish college but lie my ass off at every turn in hopes to get the least amount of experience and interaction as I can from however long id spend at college

Suicide



Suicide has been on my mind for going on a year now, im a bit of a pussy and so I havnt tried anything yet but its getting there rapidly. Im so tired of dealing with everything, I missed class this morning because I just didn't want to deal with life today and my dad tried to help, telling me that in order for college to be fun I need to put in effort to help get rid of my anxiety and that it really is a fun place and that people can be fun too. Fuck that, I dont have the mental strength to give a sht about my own life let alone trying to fix the anxiety anymore, this is me, im a nervous loser who failed life because im just dumb as hell or something, who cares anymore. I've lost interest, I dont care about life very much now, as I've seen life isn't great and I wouldn't let anyone tell me otherwise, humans and this and that yadda yadda you get the point. I decided when I was twelve that my bloodline would end with me cause I suck and ive stayed true for 7 years and I dont plan on ever having kids. Dating is for humans, not whatever pile of shit ive become. Friends are for humans as well, so is fun, memories, jobs, money, all the "good" sht. Oh well dude, my life is over mentally, just gotta wait until I get the balls to lock me in my car and take away my own breath. Thanks for reading.