My fp and boyfriend is currenly in jail for domestic violence charges. We argue a lot and when we met he was violent towards me, things got better but then it got bad again. Last year he broke my nose with his foot after a night of a lot of verbal abuse and me finally snapping and I decided I hade enough and pressed charges. I left him for months and even got in a new relationship. I was free but I missed him and when he contacted me we got back together. Things felt awkward when we were together like not like it used to. But I kept telling myself that its just a phase it will get better. We went on a trip together the days before he left and had a really nice time. Hes been gone for a month soon and we can only communicate through letters. He doesnt trust me and had me change my number and delete all phonenumbers I had so Im all alone rn. The only person I have to talk to is my mom and shes such a huge trigger for me...Im so lonely. Why wouldnt he want me to have a support system if he loves me...I also have my gps on my phone turned on because he wants to see where Ive been when he comes home. I feel like Im the one in prison not him. Ive recived 4 letters so far. He talks about the ppl he is around and that its not that bad and hes happy. He askes if Im doing good and staying home and if im not speaking to anyone. He told me before he left that this is our last chance and if I mess up its over. By messing up it can be anything from a phone call to a friend to being unfaithfull. I have not been faithfull and understand his councern, Im also unstable and can do really messed up things when Im in an episode. I cant tell if im madly in love or just have an obsession with him. I know I should leave but I just feel so empty without him and when I leave I just cant shake the feeling that I left because everyone around me told me to because of the abuse. Its hard to explain. Am I just scared to be alone and obsessed with him or am I just madly in love with him...idk...He got ahold of a phone twice and called me and the only thing he asked about me was if I was behaveing. In every letter I send him I write that Im so alone and depressed it scares me and he doesnt even acknowledge it.. I write long letters with so much love draw pictures for hours and he writes short letters about practical things I need to do for him or just being angry with me for drinking a little whine on night by myself in my appartment. I know that when he gets out he is going to find something that he doesnt like on my gps or something and then I would have sat here alone for months in vain 💔 I dont trust myself and my feelings and Im so scared of being alone...wtf am I even doing my life is slipping away I was 21 when I met him Im 31 now.. I just feel stupid