I will try my best to make this post direct and to the point without too many emotions in it.

&amp;#x200B;

So.

&amp;#x200B;

A few months ago I made a vlogging channel on YouTube. In less the a month after the channel was created the channel reached over a thousand subscribers.

&amp;#x200B;

Thats unusual for a random nobody like me to reach that amount of attention in that time frame. The YouTube channel was my only social media.

&amp;#x200B;

I believe most of my audience was apart of the disabled community just like I am. Im disabled. My audience was always super sweet to me and constantly encouraged me to make more videos. People were even making me fan art and showing me. I constantly got encouraging comments about my videos and a lot of people seemed to be regularly enjoying my videos even tho I never edited any of my videos and I have a speech disorder that makes it difficult for me to verbally speak.

&amp;#x200B;

I randomly deleted my YouTube channel and disappeared without telling any of my audience that I was going to or why.

&amp;#x200B;

All of the attention was not something I am used to. In daily life outside of the internet im used to being ignored or viewed as a alien from strangers. I wasn’t expecting to get a sudden burst of attention when I made the YouTube channel, I honestly thought only a small handful of people would even view my channel.

&amp;#x200B;

Did I permanently damage my relationship with my old audience? I want to make a new channel and start vlogging again. I miss vlogging. I have spent hours and hours thinking about why I threw away my old channel, after I deleted the channel. I have spoken to my parents and a therapist about the whole experience even. I know for a fact that I wont be deleting my new channel. I dont care if I gain back all of my YouTube popularity but I do know that there is a big chance that someone may remember me from my old channel and be upset that I deleted my old channel. How do I explain to people why that I deleted my  first channel because I freaked out but now im mentally ready for everything that comes from YouTube.

&amp;#x200B;

Its hard being Autistic...