So, as the title says; I missed my exam this morning…. I am going through a depressive episode that’s been hard to shake. I am constantly trying to improve my depression and have even been on medication for the last year, but every once in a while I go into what I call a true depression where I am unable to cope with my responsibilities. During this time period, I disassociate, feel extremely numb, progressively becoming more of a slob until one day I magically snap out of it or berate myself enough to do something that sparks the change needed. While in this state it’s hard to remember the times that I wasn’t like this, and feel like my life has been one long pointless journey. 

I am usually able to get through these unharmed and ready to snap back, but this current one has has the most damaging results since I’ve started medication, specially to the stuff I care about the most. Within the last three weeks I’ve managed to reduce all of my grades from A’s to C’s, not turning in major assignments and today I couldn’t get out of bed to get into my campus to take my this exam because I couldn’t muster the energy to study all week and somehow I felt like it would be more embarrassing to take the exam and fail than not take it at all. 

Last week it felt like maybe I was going to come out of it, but somehow I missed one class on Monday after break and then that spiraled me right back to the bottom of the barrel. 

As I was contemplating my options this morning, I came up blank as to what I should do now in regards to that class. Should I reach out to my professor? Or should I just try to chug along, forget about this exam and do the best I can in the final? I did pretty well in the first half of the semester, but without this exam I doubt I’ll get more than a C. 

Anyways, if anyone has any other pieces of advice as to what else I should do I’m ready to hear them. I started the process of looking for a new therapist and psychiatrist, as the last ones I had I just stopped scheduling appointments with while in another one of these episodes and am currently just getting my subscription refills from my general doctor.