Hi, just to clarify I have not been diagnosed with BPD. I have lurked for a while and done research elsewhere or talked with people who are diagnosed. I guess I'm just here to vent with people who might be able to understand some of my thoughts, feelings, or problems, even if I don't share their diagnosis. I hope that's ok.  


I don't know why but I feel the need to self-sabotage almost all my relationships. I feel like nobody really cares about me. I feel like friendships are fake, or at best are just really shallow. I feel perpetually misunderstood. And I've had issues with intimate relationships (dating) for as long as I can remember.

&amp;#x200B;

My only friends at university are my current roommates. Making friends is difficult for me, but it's not like I don't want them at all. University has just been a shit social experience all around. I get angry when I think about the past four years: I feel locked-out of the social experience that other people seem to be having, and when I'm spiraling I just wonder why me, why me, why. I often feel like I don't belong anywhere and would be better off dead.

&amp;#x200B;

Anyway, last night I left my roommates' Discord. I know part of me wishes I could talk to them about I feel but there's never a good time and place and what does it matter anyway? How could they even help? I deleted numbers / contacts from my phone (again). I uninstalled Discord / Snapchat (again).

&amp;#x200B;

idk why I'm even sharing this. Thanks for your time though.