I’m alone and sad after a realisation I had tonight

I’m a male fresh out of school, going on to study in physiology, my dream field. I went to a private school for as long as I can remember, it was all to ensure my entry into this course. I have some friends, none close. I have not talked to a female my age in a friendly way in over 8 years, my school was boys only. 

Tonight I was browsing reddit, alone, like always. I’ve always felt sad, never like i belonged or deserved anything. I came across a certain video depicting love, happiness and all that. It hit me like a truck harder than ever before and kept replaying it over and over. I now feel like I’m missing something, and I’ve realised my life is hollow. I did nothing in my teenage years, I had no fun, it was talk to the same people in the same monotone way for years on end with unneeded stress for my studies. This is simply another weight on my already fear of moving on, moving on, and accepting where I am at. Having someone who I could just hug, or just see smile, would be so nice, I now realise being deprived of everything that makes life, life, has made me lost. I’ve wasted so much of my life for a future I don’t even know I want, I just feel empty and sad and I just don’t know