 I have the most supportive partner that just won’t give up on me no matter what i put them through, but my splitting causes me to treat them horribly and it really affects me and makes me feel guilty after. I feel like I get joy out of hurting people in the moment but it isn’t who i am at all and it makes me feel disgusting. I have no self control. I lose my mind and go crazy when i’m manic and it hurts so bad. i say whatever i want to say without thinking of the consequences because i CHOOSE to in the moment, i want to let the person know how bad theyve hurt me by verbally abusing them. relationships are literally my biggest trigger because i’m amazing to my friends but i either hate my parter or love them. i’m not on medication.