Hey everybody - 

I'm a guy with BPD.  I went back to therapy a year ago (which led to my unofficial diagnosis) after the following event:

I was interested/drawn to a woman in my social circle (who happens to be a lesbian, I find myself attracted to a *lot* of lesbians, whether I know they are lesbians or not beforehand), but it was relatively "safe" because I knew she wasn't interested in guys.

Well, something came up in conversation that made me think "Hey, she might actually like me" - and suddenly she became intensely, intensely unattractive to me.  Like, to the point I almost couldn't look at her.

So, I went to therapy, got my diagnosis, and am trying to work on practices to stay in touch with myself and not bounce all over the place.

**- CUT TO NOW -**

**Here's my question:** I'm with a new girl now, who is legitimately terrific and beautiful, and I cannot help dissecting her face.  Like, to the point that I can't look at her.

I feel this diminish when I feel more secure in the relationship, ranging from "it's not so bad, this is great" to "holy cow she is really stunning."

Do you guys have any tricks/tips for short-circuiting these negative thought patterns?

**tl;dr** - I'm a guy with BPD, dating a terrific girl who is legitimately attractive, and I can't help but see her as unsightly.  I know it happens when I'm cycling, and when I feel safe it's fine.  Help?  Tips?  Tricks?

(damn, even my tl;dr is long, my apologies)

(also, please understand that I already feel like crap for being so judgmental.  She's certainly out of my league, I feel lucky to have her around, but I don't know how to shut down these circular, obsessive negative thoughts)