Hey there. I'm doing this mostly as a last resort because I don't really know what to do. First I'm going to clarify that I haven't been diagnosed with Depression or any associated illnesses. However I looked up symptoms (Emotional numbness/sadness, loss of self worth, Lack of concentration, Loss of hobbies or not enjoying activities I once enjoyed, Not being able to sleep/sleeping too much) and I think based on those I can at least get my foot in the door with getting something done about it. So here I am. I'm a 20 year old guy.

I live in a middle class home with both of my parents and sister. My life overall isn't bad, but it's not exactly nice either. I don't have a very active or good relationship with my father, I don't really like him. He's not someone I'd exactly like to look up to. He's not a bad person and he provides for the family, but our relationship is bumpy to say the least. Unfortunately my grandfather is dead. He died in 2017. My grandmother is still alive thankfully, but we don't talk much. My mother and I are close, which is good, but she doesn't really know what to do in terms of emotional help or advice. I feel fake. I put up a personality when I talk to people. Different personalities for different people. Things don't feel real. At least not anymore. Is this Derealization disorder?

I have a job, I'm a welder and make reasonable money for the job. However I don't really like it. I just do it for the money. I don't really have any hobbies outside of video games. None that I commit to anyway.

I feel empty. Almost half alive. I get up, get dressed and hang out for a little bit, go to work for 8 hours, come home, sleep, repeat. I hate this cycle. I've been doing it for my entire life. In school. Get up, get ready go to school for 8 hours, go to sleep, repeat. 

I'm tempted to simply get up and leave. Get on a plane, or drive away somewhere far. And just see what happens. I can work, I'm no seasoned blue collar worker, but I can. 

I want to get away from where I am, and from myself to a degree. Just ghost everything and everyone and leave.

Am I unreasonable to want to do this?