Tl;dr: The man that I love told me too many details about his history early on, and now I need help dealing with intrusive thoughts. 

I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 months now, and it’s going so well. We really enjoy each other’s company. We can talk endlessly in a way I haven’t enjoyed with anyone in a LONG time. The sex is great. I’ve met his family and a few of his friends. We love each other more than we’ve loved others before, are serious about each other, and hope to move in together in the fall/winter. I could see myself with him for the rest of my life, which is not something I’ve ever thought about anyone I’ve dated. He is on the same page. 

But when we started out, he talked endlessly about his ex-girlfriends. The first one, who was sexually wild and cheated on him. A friend with benefits that didn’t work out. His second major girlfriend, who he couldn’t find a way to connect with emotionally but tried to make work for five years. His third, a woman whom he dated for a few months who then started stalking him. 

I told him how much it bothered me to hear details about these people constantly spread over whatever we were doing together. He stopped eventually. I believe that there is such a thing as too much information, and I already have it and can’t get rid of it. 

I want it all out of my head, but it keeps popping up. These intrusive thoughts that are destroying a relationship that I really value and need. 

The thing is, I know that I compare favorably to all of these people. I’ve seen their photos, I’ve heard the stories, I know that he doesn’t want them back. I just can’t stop them from popping into my head. I see the second girlfriend’s face in my head when I feel myself smiling in the way that she did. I can’t live like this, but I also can’t break up with him. I’ve mentioned that I’m still dealing with this and he’s upset about it. Deeply apologetic, promises that these ghosts aren’t in the room for him anymore, genuinely upset to the point of tears that I was living with this. 

His main question, and mine, is how do we get past this? We can’t undo the past, I can’t unhear these stories, so how can I fill in the cracks that this has caused in our relationship? 


[DETAIL PURGE]
I know too much about them. I know where in his house they had sex, I know what they generally were like in bed, I know their personality traits and flaws, I know what they all look like, I know everything. One night i took him out for a great dinner, we had a really good time, and then while walking back he told me about how he was holding the first girlfriend’s hand and passed it over a short passing pedestrian. Today we were having sex and he suggested moving to the floor, and we did. But the whole time I was thinking about how he had described getting caught by his parents while having sex with that first girlfriend on that same floor. I know that his second girlfriend had a dry vagina and basically only enjoyed receiving oral sex. I know that she also helped him with the podcast that he produced and that we are now listening to together. I know there’s an episode in which he interviews her about the early days of their relationship, and I don’t want to hear it. I know that they all had bigger tits than I do. I know which birth control they all used and how that worked out for them. I know the songs that he had written for them.  
[/DETAIL PURGE]