I finally realize that I need actual help and that self loathing and trying to forget about those periods where I'm near psychotic with rage/anxiety isn't going to get me anywhere. At this point in time my mood can swing dramatically from content and happy to unsure, anxious, and filled with anger. It's come to a point where it's starting to hurt my relationship with my girlfriend and my roommate. She gets mad that I ask so many repetitive questions because I need answers to things or I can't sleep at night because I'll keep thing about it. Half the time I don't even sleep and when I do it's just nightmares. Whenever I'm alone and someone can't talk to me I keep thinking and thinking and my mind doesn't shut off and then I get depressed and think about abandonment. 

 I don't think I can do this anymore. I can't live with myself knowing the pain I can cause others when I'm rude and angry and sarcastic. I know I don't want to do anything drastic like suicide I just don't know what I can do to get help. I don't know who I can talk to about this. 

