Being suicidal is the past me and it was definitely a really dark place to be in. Now I'm in recovery I no longer want to die, but I'm not in a good place either. Yes I do feel happiness, a lot more than before, I'm hopeful, but I still have bad memory, still don't know what to do with my life, still lose motivation, sometimes think I'm worthless, sometimes emotionless, still struggle a lot in other mental illness, still..depressed. probably a lot better than before, but it still affects my life hugely. Idk what exactly am I looking for, validation? I dont feel okay. I don't feel okay stepping out of depression either because that's what I've been doing for my whole life.