Hence posting here again. I’m stuck in this persistent cycle of recovery and relapse into fairly severe depression, hopelessness and malaise striking with a vengeance right now. Plus anxiety about work, future schooling, and covid are starting to become overwhelming. 

I’m not really sure why I find it so hard to reach out to friends, which I do have some, and letting them know how rotten I’m feeling, nor why shouting into the internet would be more appealing. 

I know this is a bit incoherent, I’m at work right now and incredibly tired and feeling pretty damn hopeless. Suicide crossing my mind again. My tic of shouting “kill yourself” when in private is becoming worse, a fairly good telltale sign that my passive suicidality is becoming more acute. I doubt I will really do it, though part of me really wants to just sleep forever.

Thanks for reading