I genuinely feel like a shell of a human. Used to be fun, and vibrant even, but now I'm just a hollow husk. 

Very few things make me happy anymore. One of the major things, my ex girlfriend, is trying her possible best to ditch me in the most subtle manner possible. 

I hate everything about myself. I hate that I'm sick. I hate my looks. I hate my physique. I hate my failing intelligence. I hate the way I think. I've basically alienated myself from everyone with my sky high standards. Everyone is my enemy. Everyone hates me. Well why won't you be hated dumbass if you've been a mighty jerk. 

I feel so cold and alone. I don't want this life anymore. Yet I'm scared of death. Scared that I'll break my Mom's fragile heart and scar the memory of my kid sister. 
I'm scared of losing myself. 

I don't know what to do anymore. And its driving me nuts.