im scared even though i feel like this is ocd / pocd

~ im seventeen years old, and when i was younger ( about thirteen or fourteen ), i looked at drawings that featured children in inappropriate circumstances. i didn’t actually want to be near them or anything like that, but i still liked it and was curious and looked at them various times even though i knew it was wrong. i think it was a mixture of size and features and behaviour, which makes this even worse. i don’t want to date anyone younger than me either ( even if it’s only by a little bit ). i don’t want to be with children in fake or real life, and don’t even want children of my own because motherhood is one of my worst fears ( apart from liking children in that way ). i have had ocd for years, and it makes me especially weary around children because im worried they will puke on me or be unclean or something like that, and i don’t feel too comfortable around them. i much prefer pets instead because i feel like we understand each other and because they are so adorable and make me feel better. i only like the children that are cute and polite and sweet, but only in an innocent way and for a little while. so i don’t know why i became slightly addicted and im worried. the drawings weren’t in the style i like to look at ( i only like things like studio ghibli ). i adore reading / looking at romantic or sexual things, but i look at the ones with characters that are older than me ( or at least i picture them that way ). even the storylines arent something i like, and they made me feel icky and annoyed at the characters ? but i dont know, i think i might have liked it too ? im too terrified of saying this to my mum or psycologist, so im feeling scared and alone. tysm for reading and i would really appreciate reassurance pls ( only if u want though ) ☺️☁️✨