Now first let me state that I am 16 years old and new to reddit kinda so be gentle with spelling and the way I write.

 I study people and have been for the past 2 years like I was driven to it and driven to see their point of view and intentions and the way people's minds work to the point of self destruction

I did this as a hobby at first when i discovered I can lie and manipulate the conversation into something I control and it wasn't just stuff that would hurt the person or others but it was special to me that I can not only change their entire mindsets but they way they act or feel about a specific situation

I can perfectly mimic conversations in my head between two people I've prioritized at a time using my own research ive collected over time. Sometimes I'd even add my own twist like I want them to say this or that so I add my own insight and ideas into people's head

It was going so great, I ended up with friends that I know perfectly well enough to creep around inside of their head and they way they act and feel about subjects based on certain way they do things.

Sometimes it's obvious like a tick or something when they are lieing or when they use a specific head movement and mannerisms and words at one time I can deduce what they are thinking without them telling me or even setting traps in conversations with words that will make then think to bring the conversation about a certain subject (it's weird I'm sorry)

But not too long ago about 10 months ago my friend told me they were feeling down and it wasn't normal for them to feel down about friends or school so it was family, I asked about family and he told me his dad shot himself and he's thinking of doing the same

I was stumped and the worst part about it was I was fascinated with the subject and wanted to study more and more but a part of me just wanted to say sorry and shut my brain down. But I didn't

Everytime I talked to them for about anything I would put key words or implications into his mind about a subject having to do with this depression or a thought he told me about so I ushered in another idea or thought I concocted would be best suited for him.

He got better, his family got better and he's a positive guy now and he's very healthy and I am proud of him. He doesn't think of me as a friend anymore because he knows I manipulated him and messed with his mind. He may think that I put the idea to kill himself into his head and if that's what keeps him stable I will keep doing that.

I used to control it but recently I've been doing it for everything I've wanted even if it is to help me or help them. I wake up from having nightmares in the middle of the night and me not recalling going to sleep but just thinking about the next person I'm going to study

I can't help it anymore and it's given me headaches and much more but if I need to break the mystery of a person inside their head to help them at the cost of my own health I don't care.