When my depression is really bad I push people away that I actually want close to me and I’ve recently tried to figure out why I do that. I think I self sabotage because I’m scared they won’t be able to give me the support I want and I feel a lot of shame for my feelings. I feel as though they will see my darkness and my “true self” and be turned off by it. But I know ultimately I crave that closeness and intimacy so I end up feeling so much worse when I lash out and they do pull away. I recently had this issue with a guy I was talking to and I’m really upset about it because in his eyes I’m sure I betrayed him and he won’t let me back in. I don’t know what I can do at this point. I don’t like being this way.