So for years I’ve struggled with cyclical anxiety and depression. It only goes away when I make a drastic change in my life such as quitting a job, moving, whatever takes me out of my comfort zone, but once I start back on a routine the panic attacks return. Growing up my mom moved me around a lot. Between different states we were always moving due to eviction or running from debts. My mind doesn’t associate slowing down and getting on a routine with being normal and safe. I end up feeling trapped. It’s not my normal, it never has been. 
When I was 8 I was put on Vyvanse for ADHD. The psychiatrist thought that my energy was contributing to my anxiety and inability to pay attention for extended periods of time in the classroom. From the ages of 12-18 I was on a variety of medications, to little or no avail. Zoloft, Celexa, Paxil, Effexor, Klonipin, Xanax. When I turned 18 I came off the Zoloft and Klonipin and vowed to never take antidepressants again.
My panic attacks have come back, I work in a warehouse so finding a quiet place to breathe isn’t always an option, and even if it were I can’t be away from my station every 30 minutes to collect myself. My relationship is suffering. I find it hard to be in a good mood half the time and I think it’s the depression making me that way.