Hey,so i know that this is not the right place to seek diagnosis,but i cant get medical/therapy help for the moment so i would really appreciate a help from those who has delt or still dealing with depression,
So ive got those "symptoms" for over 2 years,i guess it started with in my college's first year and i ruled it as beeing overwhelmed and stressed but since i am still dealing with it now i think it something else,
Its hard to explain it exactly but it comes and goes, its always in the back of my head,the thought that my life is not worth it,that there is no point of living,that i am not good enough,but when it overwhelms i tend to sleep a lot,eat less and literally dont do anything,the thing is, when u ask people about me,even my family whom i share a house with will tell you that i am an optimist ,funny and a happy person,i have never showed them that side of me,it feels that those thoughts are shallow and of a teen ,its like,i have nothing to be sad about, so why be dramatic,and when the "wave" washes over i feel guilty for wasting my time since i should be studying,but instead i wasted it on "silly" stuff
I no longer do the thing i love as often,i used to draw and read daily,now i feel like i force myself to do it when i try,and i dont get that joy that i used to form it,i tried to look for knew hobbies thinking that i just overgrew them,but nothing interest me,i feel like my life is this typical cyrcle that everybody lives in,and i can see what it will be like in the future,and its not worth it,
+ i dont know if its relevant but i cry so easily,sometimes im just sitting alone doing nothing and this urge to cry overwhelms me,and i have a good cry,its weird because it happens suddenly and with nothing to cause it,but i alseo cry at the slightesr argument,like just right now i was talking with my brother and having an argument,just when it git bit serious i felt my eyes tear ip and my voice crack,and uts not the first time,when i confront people,when i tell my opinion to someone who might not agree and i start defending mine,every normal convo that is not happy and jokey i tear up and its so frustrating to be like this,to seem weak to others but i genuinly cant help it and its really messing me up,i am afraid to have serious convos or debates because of it...is it relevant to depression at all?
At the end Because "the  waves" come and go i think to myself that  its just stress or sadness and not depression,i have never met someone with depression so i dont really know if it should show that they deal with depression,so i would really like your help,how to get over those feelings?is this depression or me being gloomy?