(disclaimer: this whole post is sarcastic. TW: mentions of self harm) 

Yeah mom, I’m not actually trying my best. I’m just lazy. The voices that are yelling at how I’m worthless and deserve to be shamed and embarrassed because I can’t summon the energy to do work? Yeah. That’s me being lazy. Staring into space while my heart feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest? It was me being lazy all along. 

Of course, I’m a liar. I didn’t put in any effort. I’m sorry I was colouring because I was trying to distract myself from self harming. Next time, I’ll be sure to choose the faster method so I can get more work done and be more productive! 

When I was crying in the shower because you thought I should be trying harder, it wasn’t because I loathed myself and my inability to live up to your expectations. It definitely wasn’t because I felt like dying because i was suffocating. It wasn’t because I was ashamed of the meagre work I did manage to put in. You know what? I wasn’t actually crying, I was laughing because of course I don’t want to do well in school! Of course I want to disappoint you! I got everything I wanted, I’m so happy you realised that I was purposely trying to be inadequate. 

Yeah mom, I was faking it all along because I love feeling like shit all the time. Thanks so much for your support ❤️