
Hey, I wanna begin by saying English is not my first language so sorry for grammar mistakes in advance. 
So there is this feeling that destroys me lately and I assume that it’s caused by the fact that my brother has autism combined with mental retardation. He is 25 almost 26years old (I am now 18 yo). When I was a kid I didn’t see any differences between others and my family but as I grew older I started to notice that we as a family cannot go anywhere to public because he would just probably start screaming running anywhere destroying things. I see my parents quietly suffering because they want me to live my best life. They have always been doing everything they could to make me happy. A little bit ago I started to realize that and it makes me sad that even tho they suffer on the inside they do all of this for me. A year ago I moved to my grandmothers house because of online school since it is not possible at home because of him. I visit my parents very very often because they live very close but it is not like before. When I try to talk to people everyone assumes that he is just like people with autism shown on tv. No one gets to see this side of that mental illness and if I told people some experiences part of them would not believe me. Okay let’s get back to that feeling I began with. It’s just I am so sorry for my parents and I know it’s not my fault or theirs but that feeling follows me everywhere. Even the smallest things remind me of that. I cannot describe that feeling properly but it’s constant regret of not spending enough time with my parents. I sure can but most of the visits they argue over everything it’s because they are frustrated that there is no way out of this situation and it’s going to be like to be like this until everyone knows what.
My question is how can I stop feeling sorry for my parents, I want to not feel any sadness at all, I’ve had enough.
I needed to finally let it all out Thanks for reading.