So I found this thing on YouTube and I started panic free tv and I'm only in module 1 of the program and everything is making so much SENSE, learning how months and almost a year of my coping techniques actually reinforced my panic and made it worse and not go away. 


Like for example I will do avoidance things like I'll carry and take anxiety pills, make an escape plan if I panic in a public space, etc to try and feel safer but it actually is reinforcing the fact I am in danger. Like one of my big ones is taking short showers bc I've gotten panic attacks in the shower before and it really scared me, so I've been taking showers as fast as I can and putting on music to distract myself, but I learned that doing this reinforces the idea that there's something to be scared of and it isn't helping my fear at all. 



Like think if you see a dog being walked near you and it is wearing a muzzle, that muzzle is supposed to protect you from the dog biting you but you actually feel more in danger because you think the dog is unsafe to be around. Things that are supposed to make you feel safe like the anxiety pills actually do the opposite and the quick showers and I now recognize that in my own time of having panic disorder. 


I mean I've done so many things like the deep breathing, but that bit me in the ass because then I feel like "oh wow i really saved myself from a horrible scary attack because I did deep breathing" and my fear and anxiety was only reinforced and not helped at all. I realize that now. 



So far I'm only 2 days into the program so I'll keep y'all updated on whether it works for me and if I recommend it or not. But so far everything being explained to me makes soooo much sense holy crap. This is making me see how panic really can't be stopped by doing logical things


I also learned of an analogy where a man is going through a large city, continuously clapping his hands. Ppl ask why he's doing that and he says "I'm clapping to keep the tigers away" and the other person is confused, and says there are no tigers? And the clapping man says "yes, it's bc I've been clapping". He thinks he has to clap and that's why the danger is gone, but he is too scared to realize that if he stopped clapping there would still be no tigers. Him continuing to clap reinforces the scary thought that there is danger to be scared of


also I'm NOT trying to sell anything or promote like idek if this is going to work for me but I'm going in with optimism bc I really really want this to work and so far im pretty faithful. I just want to keep y'all updated on my experience and let y'all know if it works for me or not bc if it does then that would be amazing and I could share it with everyone here, and if it doesn't then I can let y'all know that too. Just trying to be my true self.