Hey, 

I have complex post-traumatic stress disorder and according to my psychiatrist, I may also have borderline personality disorder too. I'm only seventeen. 

I go to an all-girls day and boarding school, I'm a boarder. I have been boarding here since grade nine, so since twenty-eighteen. 

When I first started boarding, I got attached to a boarding house staff member (let's call her Alex) and after being attached to Alex for a year, I got jealous that she was giving all this attention to another student and so, in turn, pushed them away and said horrible things to both of them. 

I lost my attachment to Alex and after a few months I started to get attached to another boarding house staff member (let's call her Lucy). I had known Lucy while I was attached to Alex and so after Alex, I slowly latched onto Lucy. 

I have been attached to Lucy for almost three years now, that is the longest I have ever been attached to someone and it honestly causes me anxiety because it's new territory for me. 

Anyways, I've explained everything to Lucy, about my attachment to her and how she's my favourite person and she is very understanding. I used to get so upset over the tiniest things, to the point where I'd sometimes feel suicidal, but now because I've known her for so long I guess I feel more secure than insecure. 

I initially thought I had romantic feelings for her but now realise that it's just platonic love. It's so hard because I do love her, obviously not in a romantic way but I care about her deeply, and I guess it's hard because she's a staff member you know, she has to keep a professional distance. 

Lucy is such an understanding person, who holds no judgement on me, and she cares about me too. I just am so scared that when I overcome my attachment the relationship won't be the same? 

I'm already making progress, last year I was so insecure with my relationship with Lucy (not a romantic relationship, she's 30 and I'm 17 lol) but I would get so upset over every tiny thing and over analyse everything, and now I have the ability to not let my feelings or thoughts consume me, I guess, I feel more stable and secure in my relationship with her because she understands me to some extent. 

I guess my question is, is Lucy, my favourite person? and do you think people have the ability to overcome these attachment difficulties? I have a healthy relationship with Lucy, and even though I am not obsessed with her, I still think about her quite often just not every day/24/7.