I didn't think a feeling this awful existed I seriously don't know what to do anymore. I think my anxiety stems from my mother with Alzheimer's and my father whos presence will suck all the positive energy out of the room. I can't be sober at home for more than 2 hours so I just smoke weed and drink all day. When it gets really bad I don't even need to think twice about doing a harder drug like Percocet. I seriously don't even like doing these drugs I want to be sober so bad there are things in life that I care about and want to work towards but I simply can't because I just want to die and thats all I think about all day. I would've killed myself a while ago but I can't do that to my friends who I love like family. I genuinely have no idea what to do I feel like when the anxiety hits my only options are to kill myself or get really fucked up. If anybody has any wise words/ideas for me please say something I can't do this much longer.