I don’t really know what I want out of this post, but I just wanted to share. 

I have BPD and around November time I think I found a new FP (favourite person). This is a man from work, he is about 20 years older than me and I have barely talked to him in person. 

We started talking about over the companies instant messenger and eventually moved on to WhatsApp. 
We chatted most days via IM. 
Skip forward a few weeks and my dumb self got drunk at the staff Christmas party which he didn’t attend... so I drunk text him. It was very inappropriate, not only because I have a boyfriend but also because he is married and my senior.... now please don’t make me feel bad about this because I have only just stopped obsessing with how embarrassing I was...

I apologised and he said it was fine and that he didn’t mind. 
Since then, we haven’t talked and he only works one day a week so I barely see him in the office. 

I have tried to shake him off my mind, but I can’t. When he is at work, all I do is think about him and purposefully try to run into him so I can say hello.... if that happens I then sit and wait at my phone or computer for him to message me like we used to.. 
I still dream about him most nights, sometimes sexual dreams and sometimes not. I feel like I crave his attention constantly. 

Like how do I stop this? I’ve never (noticeably) done this before? But I just can’t get this man out of my head..