tbh I can’t quite remember the last time I was happy. I’m only here to vent from time to time. Nobody don’t know me so, I don’t fear judgment. I just want to rant about life these few years. It’s just gets harder and harder. Can’t remember the last time I felt true happiness or loved. I don’t think I ever was cared for or loved. All I feel like is empty, dreadful, and like an object. An object you can sexual abuse, beat, mistreat and get no consequences for. I learned the hard way about speaking up. I spoke up when the 2nd time I was sexual assaulted it felt like everyone just wanted me to hurry up and get over it. Even my own mother’s told me it wasn’t that serious to take to court. My dad didn’t really care, he felt like I was doing too much. In the end, only one thing happen. My life change. Some might say for the worst but, I say for the better. Realization. Realizing the facts of 2 things. 1) you can’t expect justice if you have to depend on someone as a minor *I am 15yo*. 2) Standing up against sexual assault/rape is a joke, you’re a black teenager girl *nobody is going take it serious*. 3) Learn how to deal with it, life isn’t fair. ATP in life if I was raped I wouldn’t even tell. I would just get back up and act like it never happen. Tbh, I don’t even want to celebrate my upcoming 16th birthday. It’s just going to remind me that it’s another year of me breathing. I am just a breathing object. That’s the difference between breathing and living. Because all I am is just a breathe of oxygen.