I’m 20 now and have been going to therapy for 6 years at this point. I’ve had really bad mental health issues and have attempted suicide 3 times. I feel my mental illness is all I am and I almost get happy when bad things happen to me. I feel like when new problems in relation to my mental health happen, I almost get kind of happy. I got my first panic attack a couple weeks ago but even though I hated it, a part of me was almost happy. I feel like I’m a horrible person for feeling this way and there must be something seriously screwed up. I think I like feeling bad for myself and this helps the narrative. Obviously, I would much rather just not have to deal with any of this but so much of life has been spent in trying to get my problems in check that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I surely can’t be the only one that feels like this and was wondering if anyone else could relate.