 

Hello there.

OCD can trick your mind really hard, and one of the worst feelings is having unwanted thoughts. Even worse, you can experience feelings that fuck up your mind. I won't say unwanted feelings, since they look real.

I am struggling with this. I get extremelly happy when I picture in my head the most disturbing situations. I mean it, I really get good emotions. After that, I get obsessed with the thought that I am a bad person. The moment I try to discern how I’m feeling, the natural flow of my emotions is automatically blocked. I focus so hard on making my mind feel sad, but I won't ever feel as sad as I should. It is like this:

\-Level of happiness I had when the disturbing thought occurred: 100

\-Level of sadness I have when I try to get sad: 5

At this point, I have to accept that I won't ever get a sad feeling (like a normal person) as intense as my happy emotions are when I have these thoughts.

I just really need someone who tells me I can be loved even if those emotions were real. So, at this point, I am a bag of guilt who thinks doesn't deserve any good things because he gets happy when imaginating disturbing situations