Today I’m angry. 
With people. 
With my ex of six years for lying and pretending. It’s been over a year. But it still effects me. 
With my ex best friend. Who left me because I stopped being talkative. 
With my ex best friends husband who was so my best friend. For doing nothing to keep us all together. 
With my joint friend being an insider for my ex best friend. 
With the guy I’m dating but having a small break from. It was a mutual decision. After he left me. He came back. We decided to try again in some time. But I hate him right now. 
I hate all the people I cared deeply for that did nothing to keep me around when I moved the earth and stars for them. Constantly. 
I hate that I hate them all so much. 
I hate that I care about them all still. 
I hate that I’ve spent so many years doing everything for anyone other than myself. 
No ones worth that amount of effort but myself. Not any more. 
I get the extreme effort. It’s the selfishness I’m allowed to have. 
Then I will care for everyone else with what I have left. I will shift the balance where needed. 
But for now, at least for several months, I matter the most. And that’s ok.