Sometimes when I am told to do something I kinda freeze up for couple seconds I also have holes in my memory like I don't remember everything from years ago I mean I remember like some thing but I seem to have forgotten about things well i guess were not going to remember everything 13f btw 

And at 11 I felt depressed pretty much everyday but I still could feel happy and I joke around often some of my joke are dark but not all of them and I don't really seem to have interest in my current hobbies but there was a hobby I want to try but lost interest after like a year or so and I would think negatively of myself but yet if I say joke or do something dumb I will say I am amazing I sometimes felt  hopeless of my future 

Close to the end of 2021 ending I don't seem to be depressed as many days but I don't still feel like engaging with hobbies I thought about maybe trying them again to see if I enjoy them again but probably won't also think I've been more forgetful since the age of 11 

I literally will forget to do my some of my chores and I think over time since this started I started to care less about things like people hobbies etc who knows if I were to kill someone would I feel like I care idk I don't want to test that

At like 10 11 years old I had intrusive thought to harm others but one point they were present for months and gone for months came back and this time I fought with them they made me anxious and I was thinking about this for probably like a hour I kept trying to push them away and I would convince myself I won't do that or say I would never do that but now they have been gone since that's probably like a year ago by now

Yes I get no one can help here so idk why I am posting this 

Yes I did tell my parents after like almost 2 years 

Also since the age of I believe 7 would pick at my skin often and still pick at it 


And since I haven't been as bad off im feeling like I am faking or doing it for attention I used to even make things sound worse than they are im not sure why I did that

Yes I get it's better to ask a professional