Hi - I'm recently out of a relationship with a man with diagnosed but untreated BPD. He's one of the kindest, sweetest people I know, but when we had a fight, he always used really cruel and hurtful language against me. One of the things that was hardest was that in the hours following an argument where he said these things, I was still reeling and processing and cut so deeply, whereas he seemed completely over it, as though it had never happened. It was as though he forgot. 

I thought that was impossible, but I just saw a post on another sub where a person with BPD mentioned their tendency to forget the things that they said when angry, and feeling confused or disbelieving when someone reminds them. Has anyone found this to be the case?

I'm trying to understand right now because I ended our relationship recently, and the things he said during the breakup felt -- to me -- pretty unforgivable. But now he's being friendly and I wonder if he even knows what he said, or if it was such an emotional blur that it's sort of a lost memory? I think that having a good understanding of what he's going through right now would help dictate my interactions with him in our post-breakup communication.

(I also want to say that I definitely acknowledge my fault in these arguments, but I'm a conflict-avoidant people-pleaser codependent, so my fault manifested very differently.)  


TL;DR - Ex with untreated BPD says awful things and seems to forget them after... is that a thing?