Alright, so I'm depressed for a great many reasons that I won't go into but one of those reasons is that I experienced a break-up a few months ago and now I don't have a girlfriend. And I'm someone who really needs a girlfriend to feel happy.

So I thought: "Hey, why not join a dating site to try and meet someone new?"

A decent idea in theory but in practice it has been kind of a disaster.

The fact that I've been on these dating sites/apps for such a long time now (I'm too embarassed to say how long, quite frankly) and barely had any matches and had even fewer conversations (with like 3 or 4 lasting more than 2 or 3 replies) is just making me feel so much more worthless.

I just keep thinking like: Wow, I must be really bad. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, but whatever it is must be extremely freaking bad. And clearly no woman wants to be within 1.000 miles of me. Clearly no woman will ever love me again and I have no chance of ever getting into a loving relationship again. Why not kill myself?

And that's been kind of the pattern for a while now.

I feel extremely lonely and like I really need someone to give love to and get love from. I go on the dating site/app. I spend some time swiping or whatever. Nobody seems interested. I feel worse and start thinking about all of the stuff I mentioned before about how I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, how I'm worthless and nobody will ever love me and I end up just wanting to kill myself more.

I've thought about just giving up on the dating sites/app altogether (and in some sense that seems the most reasonable thing to do) but that's basically just admitting that I'll never find someone (I'm extremely socially isolated, it's not like I could run into someone even in the completely hypothetical scenario where even a single woman would want anything to do with me).

So I either stay on, grab for the app when I'm lonely and end up feeling worse. Or I get off, give in and admit to myself that there's completely no point, that I'm worthless and I'll be alone until the day I die. Neither of these options is particularly great, tbh.

On top of that I haven't had sex in months now and that too is starting to drive me insane.

*And before anyone says something like "Just go to a bar or something."*

1. *I don't think getting rejected a bunch of times by women IRL instead of online would make me feel any better.*
2. *I have social anxiety so this would be extremely difficult.*
3. *I have no charm or other such things women want to speak of, so there's literally 0% chance (maybe below 0% chance) that I'll find someone at a bar.*
4. *I want a girlfriend I can spend the rest of my life with, not a one night stand. Even if I could get a one night stand (which I can't) I still wouldn't want one. I want love, not just sex. I've never had casual sex and I don't really want to.*