I had an abusive childhood and as a consequence have anxiety and suffer from panic attacks, living in isolation for over a year. 

My family has unrealistic expectations from me and they leave out no opportunity to make me feel guilty about 'not doing what I should'.

I think what I'm asking is, how do you keep yourself sane if your family is dysfunctional. How to stop thoughts on what happened and what could have happened. 

I feel terrible as I'm writing this I just want to know what I should do. Should I cut contacts with them, or should I keep things as they are. Will the society judge me if I cut contacts. I have tried to find an answer within myself but I can't. I waver. And I don't expect anyone to come and solve this for me, but what I'm looking for is the way to maybe cope with it, to not let it get to my head.

So that I don't carry this burden along wherever I go.