Whenever I have an anxiety attack, my mind immediately goes to ending things. Some days it would just be me believing i’m going to die soon, other days it would be me thinking of ways to hurt myself. 

I don’t know if I truly want to die. But those moments, they scare me. I was on the verge of drowning myself at the kids pool once. And till now the thought of almost having turned a place my cousins loved so much to something traumatic for them haunts me.

And these tendencies are crippling my life. I don’t know how i’m going to move on with my life when the only contact I ever make is with friends and family asking me to pull myself together. But i don’t think anyone ever understands how difficult it is to just breathe another day. Aside from this i have hypersomnia, ed and depression and no one around me considers them something that needs help. I’ve only been helping myself my whole life. I work hard. With my skills i know I am able to finish whatever is in front of me. But my mind is crippling me to the point that i’ve ruined my school life, my business, my personal relationships. 
I’m so tired of living with this mind. 

I feel like i’m rambling too much now so i’ll stop here. Thank you for reading.