I opened up to my friends a 2-4 weeks ago about how I am feeling and that I have attempted to kill myself several times now. All I got was them ignoring me and most of them making jokes that I am suicidal. Most of them were also acting depressed  and telling people they have depression, making this mental illness I had a personality trait. I asked them to please stop making fun of me for being like this and to stop romanticizing what it’s like to have depression and social anxiety because they were downplaying the severity of them both. One of them responded with “There you are again with your depression phase. Shut up get over it. Learn how to take a joke.” I left the group chat a few minutes later and I skipped the online classes because I was crying too much. I felt like my heart was being crushed. Every night since then has been painful for me. Crying myself to sleep. I already opened up before. My parents set up a meeting with a psychologist. Other than that the people I talked to was a teacher of mine and a guidance counselor because I HAD TO. I received the worst advice from them and it has been making me feel worse. It’s so hard to kill myself because my parents are doing everything to keep me happy lately and I feel so spoiled. They have been understanding and I feel so bad for failing classes. I used to be one of the top of the classes and now I’m nothing. I’m purposefully ignoring classes because I’m just trying to keep myself alive right now. There’s nothing keeping me happy right now.    This feeling hurts so bad why is it like this? Right now I have no friends, I am failing classes, and i am getting sadder and sadder everyday. A while ago I opened up instagram and looked at the stories. When I saw people hanging out with their friends outside having a great time, I couldn’t help but breakdown. This is the reason I’m typing this. I just need to let it all out.