I am a 23F with a multitude of mental health conditions: BPD, OCD, Depression, Anxiety and PTSD due to growing up in a turbulent, neglectful and often violent household. Due to this I was emancipated and basically had only myself to count on from the age of 17.

I moved away from my hometown about a year or two ago after cutting off a toxic, dependent friend of mine that I had always treated like family and looked out for was exacerbating my BPD and anxiety, crossing boundaries and pushing me into unhealthy situations of casual drug use and sex that I wasn't comfortable with, for their own personal gain. I also found out that they had informed my partner I was psychotic which obviously hurt a lot. After I cut them off, this 'friend' obsessively messaged me and others attempting to isolate me from anyone they knew in the place I had moved to and painted me as heartless for 'abandoning' her to a LOT of people. This person has now become friends with other friends &amp; acquaintances of mine back home since I moved and successfully played the victim, making it difficult to return home without running into people &amp; having to discuss/talk about aforementioned situation. Recently someone informed me they 'just wanted a hug' from me which I see as love bombing and manipulation because I believe this person to be incredibly selfish with narcissistic tendencies. Others seem to see this is an olive branch.

I am about to move again due to an exciting new chapter of my life - I am doing the best I ever have in terms of my academic path, progressing with mental and physical health, my occupation, being financially secure and my relationship with my partner is secure - but I cannot help feeling lonely and obsessing over what type of person I am perceived as, because I wanted to put myself first for once. I get the sense people think I am emotionless and impulsive but it's incredibly hard to not be when you grow into an adult during trauma, I sometimes feel I haven't developed the same way others have. I also believe I have every right to cut someone out of my life if I feel they are having a negative impact and don't understand why friends/acquaintances cannot understand this. I know longer see the point of having friends and have come to see them as 'distractions' which I believe is not a healthy way to think. I exercise (boxing class once a week which helps with anger control and just overall productivity) I cook a lot, listen to podcasts but sometimes I wake up and the first thing I think of is this situation and how unfair it feels to not speak my truth in fear of being made out to be the aggressor. I do think in time people will realise and I know my anxiety plays a huge part but it's tiring dealing with these constant thoughts. Any advice?