I’m experiencing this feeling where I know my anger is a mask that allows me to not deal with my sadness, but rather than alleviating the anger, I’m feeling them both at the same time just as intense rn. 

I had the most amazing and happy (and not even manic happy- real happy) weekends with my fiancé while our housemates were out of town and two of them got back tonight and my energy is thrown off. Our housemates can be very hostile and mean people and they’re all 4 in nearly exact age as my immediate, toxic family I had lived with before, so living here resurfaces some of the worst feeling and most traumatic memories I have. My fiancé and I recently started discussing childhood trauma (my therapist and I are *barely* starting to get into it) so those wounds are fresh too.

I’m unemployed and might not be able to take classes this fall and I’m so stressed out too. I just want to give into the self harm thoughts or suicidal ideation. I want to start drinking again, or taking pills again. This is so hard. I know I have survived until now but Jesus I don’t exactly know *how* besides terrible coping.