And I've just realized why. It's like Schrodinger's cat. Right now, I can live believing that any day I choose I can start making attempts to get my life together and it will work, that there's a possibility of success OR failure. But as soon as I open that box, I might find a dead cat instead and I can't just close it back up and keep pretending because I'll know there's only failure there. 

Um. It's late. Hopefully this makes sense? Can anyone relate?