It's been 3 years since I got out that abusive relationship and it's still fucking me up. Major content warning here.

He beat me up countless times, raped me, tried choking me to death, nearly drowned me, came at me with a knife etc etc also the mental abuse. He played victim and made out I was the abusive one. Everyone believes him because of my mental health problems. I once snapped after months of abuse and yeeted a drawer at his face which bust his eye, he posted a selfie of his blooded face and out it on Facebook like 'see guys told you she was the abusive one' but it was in self defence.

Sick of people making me out to be a liar. The police didn't believe me because he's clever and manipulative and managed to get them on his side too he's really good at twisting things he's cunning and smart like that. I have debt collectors threatening me with court action over HIS bill which is in my name. Despite me sending in proof I don't live there anymore they still won't leave me alone but I have a social worker who's gonna sort that out for me.

3 years on and he still has control over me in some way, I can't move on, constant flashbacks and getting triggered over the smallest things. The other day my boyfriend got a bit of road rage and shouted at the car in front and my heart shouted pounding and I was sweating because I can't cope with men shouting after my ex. I struggle to sleep at times because of the nightmares. I can't go swimming, I'm terrified of open/deep water I still can't put my head under the bath. He waterboarded me with a flannel in the bath. I have a scar on my leg from when he slashed me with a knife. I can no longer be submissive in bed after the rape, I've become very dominant.

I'm always on guard, I'm always looking over my shoulder. He gaslighted me all the time made me question what actually happened I thought I was going crazy. I'm to scared to go to certain places in case he's there or if his friends are there. I've had a couple of occasions I've been out and people have come up to me like 'Why did you lie about rape' and it's like I never lied just leave me the fuck alone.

Hopefully I'll be having my trauma counselling very soon, I still have the post traumatic stress 3 years on and it's holding me back. I hate him for what he's done, I just want people to believe me, I want people to know what he's like. I'm rather sure I'm not the only person he's done it to.