Just a dumb example of the loops by brain goes through to make sense of things. I live with my gf, for 3 years now,  and this has happened so many times I can't even count. We were arguing over what to eat for dinner, I said I had a bit of leftovers I cooked for myself and she could order whatever she felt like, seemed fine. A few hours go by and I noticed she hasn't eaten and now the restaurants are all closing, I comment to her and she says "oh if I had someone tomato sauce I could've cooked for us (now the market is closed). So basically what I heard was "well I would've fed us if you weren't such a selfish piece of shit and offered to go get stuff for the both of us".
And then I proceed to hyperventilate and get defensive, because in my head I'm being held hostage, if I don't make the right choice she starves herself.
This feels like hell, why can't I just be ok with things, it's not my fucking fault or responsibility,  what is wrong with me