I'm so incredibly lonely, and I wish I had people to talk to. But the moment I find someone, I always push them away. I have this incredibly toxic tendency to stop talking to someone just to hope that they'll check up on me. I want to be remembered. I want people to think "hey, I haven't talked to them in a while. I should text them to check on them"

I want to just be in someone's thoughts. I don't care what it is. It could be like "hey, I thought this picture would be funny to you" or "hey, I have a question and you know about this". Just the simple act of just being remembered, but I'm so forgettable and boring nobody ever does it. I'm feeling so alone, and I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. The moment I do take my life, it might be weeks before people know.