I'm really struggling with resisting the urge to engage in high risk behaviours right now. My BPD is notorious for getting me into dangerous situations involving drugs, alcohol and men and afterwards when asked why I did it, I always say "I just wanted to see what would happen". One of these situations has cropped up within the last few days and I'm really struggling with making the right/healthy decision. 

The situation: Yesterday I met this guy in an addictions recovery group I'm part of, and afterwards we hung out. He recently got out of treatment as well and is 5 years older than me. We exchanged phone numbers and he asked me if I wanted to go to one of the quieter local bars that night to play sober pool. The thing is, we're both recovering alcoholics (amongst other things) and although I thought this was a really weird proposition considering that, I still wanted to go through with it. Frankly, I saw nothing wrong with it until I discussed it with my boyfriend who said it sounded like a terrible idea considering I'm only two weeks out of rehab and I've already had a couple slip ups. He also said I don't know this guy, that he could easily be lying and coerce me into using, that he could assault me, etc which is all super valid, reasonable and rational, but for some reason I still want to go through with it. 

Now, I texted the guy last night saying I was busy but would be down to hang out tonight, but my boyfriend was telling me I should straight up tell him that the situation would be too much of a trigger for me and that if the guy had good intentions, he'd understand. I never did this although I said I would, and now I'm feeling super guilty... I don't even really know why I'm obsessing over this situation, but I think it's the temptation to do something high risk/potentially dangerous? Idk, I'm just really struggling to make the right decision here and I'm feeling painfully divided...