(16 F)

Most of my life, I have had difficulty with trying new food for both texture and taste. I always thought that as I got older, I would just overcome my pickiness as I matured though.

Today my mom called me and started asking me weird questions that are related to what I ate today and I was really confused. And then she brought up restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID). I have ALWAYS avoided thinking about worse case scenarios because the more I dwell on things, the more I'm letting my anxiety get the best of me. You know? Well, I don't think I ever considered that my anxiety over trying food had to do with any eating disorder because of that. Until today that is.

I know that the internet is probably the last place I should have looked for further information, but I looked at a few different websites and I've concluded that I have symptoms of ARFID and currently, I am in a somewhat high state of panic. If I get a diagnosis, I know for a fact that I'm going to be forced into some kind of treatment, people are going to either bug me or pity me, and I am not going to be the same person. 

I've seen people talk about what it was like to have an eating disorder and deal with these major symptoms and personally, I always thought of myself as the standard. I thought that there was never anything majorly wrong with me and I was as average as average gets. So considering this kind of change in the way I view myself is really screwing with me and I really don't know what to do or how I'm going to deal with it for the time being.