without planning my suicide, without wanting to severely hurt myself. 

I'm just so tired of feeling hollow to the point of needing to cause pain to feel something.

My FP is always telling me "you need professional help" (as if I already don't know) instead of trying to support me. I just get tired of everything. I get tired of how she pushes me away or brushes me off for other things. 

I don't really know what to do anymore. I'm genuinely leaning towards suicide, cause life is practically meaningless and no one really wants to support me to try and get better. 

I don't mean to be like this. I don't. I don't want to be like this. I only want death.