I feel like my entire life, people have just used me and abused me and then thrown me away. Now I can't believe in anything anymore.

Last night I was talking about an ex-friend who was being nasty to me, and the person beside me leaned over and said "maybe she has pms". I took that as a cue to shut up about what I was talking about, and proceeded to stare at my phone for the next 20 mins. in silence, and only when they asked why I was so quiet did I realize they didn't mean it like that at all.

I always jump to the worst conclusions - that people don't like me, that they judge me, that they were never my friends and that I shouldn't talk because everyone secretly wants me to shut up. I can't trust anyone to be nice to me, or notice when I'm hurting, I act out and lash out. I frequently say that I hate everyone, and no one reacts.

I can't remember the last time that I was happy. Nowadays I feel anxious, and angry in a vague way, like I'm not letting myself truly feel it. And when someone does reject me, I'm bitter and pissy and I can't let go. I want to inflict upon them the horrible pain they inflicted upon me when they said "lol bye" and left me just standing there.