I’ve felt really disconnected from life and like I’m in a dream and it’s hard to focus for months now. My therapist convinced me to go on meds for anxiety and it did help with constant worrying and stress and relentless cycling of thoughts, but now I can see all the other issues that were hiding beneath the anxiety symptoms. My memory is awful, I feel tired all the time, have a difficult time focusing on what people are saying or what I’m doing, and have random days where I’m deeply depressed and feel empty for no reason. 

My therapist, who I’ve been seeing since last fall, didn’t believe me when I said I thought I had BPD (was diagnosed with BPD tendencies a long time ago). Our personalities clashed and our sessions were actually making me feel worse because I felt they were pointless and I wasn’t getting the help I needed, so I told her yesterday I’m not going to continue seeing her. 

I’m not sure what the next step is. I wanted to go back to the psychiatrist I saw a long time ago, but he’s not taking new patients. I’m just worried the next person I see won’t take my symptoms seriously either and I need treatment. I can’t keep living like this.