I'm on medication for depression and anxiety and it's gotten better in the last few weeks in a way, but I'm having more and more aggressive thoughts, especially (but not only) after I work on something where I feel I'm not goot at (which is most things). I just feel so angry and hateful towards myself, and my mind keeps repeating these extremely hateful thoughts, like "you don't deserve to live" "you idiot, horrible person" (and worse but I don't want to write those here). It's like the thoughts are making fun of me, despising me, telling me the most horrible stuff, that I'm guilty, I don't deserve anything, I will never do, and I should know that, whatever I do is shit, etc. Like I have someone in my head who wants to kill me. Even when typing this, it's like these hateful thoughts are attacking me, ridiculing me. And sometimes the same thought in a loop.
I've had intrusive thoughts in the past, but with different themes and it was more like me being horrified that what I thought would be true. But this is like I am afraid I might lose my mind or hurt myself. Hard to describe. I wonder if this could be OCD as well. I will start a new job in a week and I am very scared, hope I won't lose it. Just needed to vent, thanks for reading...