I (m,15) fucking hate myself. I am a useless piece of shit that was given a good life with nice accepting parents. But what do I do? Throw it in the trash by hurting myself and others and not seeking help. I should go to a therapist but I am a little pussy and don't tell my parents. Instead I just whine to my friends who I annoy by doing that. Or I just cut myself and bleed, as a punishment for myself because I annoy everyone and don't think about the consequences of my actions. I am just crying about little things while others have a much worse life but are happier. 

But I don't know why I shouldn't kill myself. Life is just an endless cycle of stress and sadness. It's monotone with a very little chace to escape. It's a system from assholes for assholes. And you can't change it, but I also don't want to be a part of the problem by taking part in it. But if you live on earth, you also live in the system. I feel like death is the only escape. But because I haven't had enough courage to do it yet I am just crying In my bed about what a piece of shit I am whilst hurting/harming myself in some form. 

I don't know how long I can pretend that everything is good and bottle up my emotions for the night when I cry myself asleep. I don't know wether I will finally get enough courage to talk to someone or if I kill myself before then. I am just hopeless. Can someone help me? If I have forgotten something you want to know, just leave a comment.