As the title sais im constantly feeling bad for moments or days and then get up from that dark state but staying in this cicle for over a year now.I am like the stock market, very volatile.One bad thought loop for couple minutes and i start to feel like shit again for who knows.It is hard for me to keep consistency.I had a job for 1 year, but i struggled so hard with those severe simptoms of low energy and poor concentration.Now my main symptoms are low energy, being sleepy, poor mental power, no hunger and no pleasure at all.
I am constantly watching my thoughts and not attaching to them emotionally.This helps to get me through but does not last too much.
Besides this i normally am a productive person and i hate when i am not doing something that makes me evolve as a person(financially most).I have a plan i know what to do, where i wanna be, but this disease that i am battling with is stopping from action.And this makes me more sad.
Nobody really knows that i have a bad depression because i am a master at hiding it.
From analyzing and wathinchg my thoughts for so long i discovered why i am in this state, but my ego does not let me to forgive the things that happened in the past.
I got humiliated, bullied so hard that i cannot get over this.Like i cannot accept that this happened to me.
So this is it for now, this is my first post here and english is not my first language.
I just wanted to share this with you guys, to take off my chest a little bit.