I’m weirdly grateful for aging because as I’ve gotten older, I think...my perspective has began to change in ways that shifted how I see myself and the world. 

Now that I’m in my late 20s - I’m slowly realizing that...I’m legit not that special. My pain isn’t unique or something. A lot of people are in pain. Even the “happy” people and the people who “have what I’d want” or whatever. Life is literally suffering. And yeah, I may have been dealt a shittier hand with my drama and my BPD, but...no one cares anyway because everyone’s pain feels just as significant to them.

Also, there’s no big, “I will change, fix myself” moment, where once I get there VOLAH, life will be great. Nope! Life is actually pretty mundane apparently, and it’s mostly spent just...existing. All emotions are temporary including happiness and joy. So, the idea of “becoming a happy person one day” isn’t sustainable or real.

If I want to experience moments of happiness, I’ll probably have to create them myself. Or look for them. And...that’s pretty much what everyone else is doing!

The “is this it?!/there’s no fairytale life state” realization has been hard to come to terms with, and I’m still grieving what my past self has built up so much in my head. On the other hand, I feel so much better having realized it. I feel less pressure. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with my experience. Or being discontent. Everyone is at some point. And the point of life is just to keep living, apparently.