Okay, so, as a quick backstory, I grew up in a very, very toxic household. Emotional abuse that sometimes got physical, isolation, unstable parents, drug and alcohol abuse in the immediate family, etc etc. Not a great place to be a small kid. 

My question to you is this: do those of who've been through something similar sometimes get really, really irrationally angry when people don't bend over backwards to constantly get a read on your emotional state as you do for them?

Just hear me out for a sec. In order to get by during my childhood, I had to be able to tell if my parents were about to rain down some shit through the subtlest behaviors. Ever been able to tell if someone is in a bad mood and what caused it by how they unload a bag of groceries? Yeah. If anyone in my immediate vicinity is unhappy, I know about it, and that childhood programming kicks in. Am I getting a sense that making noise would set the person off? I'm a ghost. I won't say a word until my PTSD visor pings and tells me I'm okay to ask a question or use the microwave or turn on the TV. To this day, I walk around every single place I've ever lived in on my tiptoes out of habit. 

And let's not even get started on all the weird 'appeasement' shit that happens. You've had a long day and you're cranky and snippy? I'll be the invisible servant. Trash: out. Dishes: done. Laundry: put away. All done as fast as possible, and then I'm out of your hair until that magical mental "ping!" that gives me the all-clear. 

Obviously this is not behavior seen very often in the general population of folks who haven't been through the fun circus that is emotional abuse. I know this. I know that what I do automatically is a result of decades of conditioning. If I could stop, I would do it in a heartbeat. So why do I feel so much rage when other people don't treat me with the same delicacy as I treat them? I KNOW it's irrational to get really, really mad at people for not immediately going out of their way to make sure I'm happy, that I'm not uncomfortable with their behavior, that I'm exhibiting x, y, and z signs that, when under their abusers thumb, meant that they were safe for the time being. I KNOW this. I wouldn't wish this stuff on my enemies. I feel so damn guilty every time the floodgates open and I snap at someone for not being able to tell that I could really use some space, don't touch me or speak to me or look at me for too long please and thank you, without my telling them (because telling them would mean Attracting Attention and ohhh boy let's not get into that). 

Just. Augh. Why does this happen? Does anyone else go through this? 