You may know this guy called Jordan Peterson. I despise him, but not for logical reasons. I was in a very traumatic part in life. I had screwed myself over by procrastinating on making evidence for submission in case I can't attend exams due to cororna, and turns out, I can't attend them and I'm forced to finish all of it in a month. I knew I couldn't finish all of it, and that I was going to ruin my entire life. And as a master procrastinator, I thought I just needed something to tell me I'm being irresponsible and get up and work to make the best of it. 

In his videos, he says things like "Life is pain" and making them made me feel really guilty and like I'm the reason for everything. I have nothing against him, but at that point, I grew like a phobia of him. I cannot have anybody say it's my fault, although when I say it to myself, I can accept it. I am scared of thinking that it's my fault and i just need to get over it.

I did luckily, get good grades that exam and survive it. Personally, feeling bad for myself and self-love has been a better way than that this and helped me get out of suicidal thoughts due to this thing.

But whenever anyone gets real with me, or tells me life isn't all easy, or that I can't just follow my passion, I get really anxious. I'm really scared of college partly because of this. Just anything about the twisted nature of life is too much for me and I feel like a pussy. 

And I feel like I'm not taking responsibility for my own life.