I do online freelance work that dosent pay me much. I live with my parents. 

I haven't been able to land a proper job and I've stopped searching for one because I get a mental breakdown everytime I get rejected. 

I have no worth in the real world. And everyday the urge to harm myself grows.

I don't cut myself or anything. I just don't do anything and sit idle. And engage in gaming or eating ..like someone would in drinking. That's my escape. That's my therapy. 

The urge to live grows thin. I feel spiteful towards my family for not understanding that I'm trying.

They make assumptions about me that I'm not trying hard enough. When my mind is a literal storm everyday.

I just want my family to be accepting of me. That sometimes I'm not able to give my 100% not because I'm lazy. But because I have a emotional or mental block.

Don't feel pity for me. I just want you to hear me and listen to me. Im trying okay? I hate myself but I'm trying.