i feel like i don’t belong anywhere. i have 0 people skills and my only friend is my boyfriend, i push everyone else away because i feel like i mask my true self around everybody else. and even then i still feel like i mask myself around my boyfriend too. im awkward in conversations i almost never know what to say and i feel like i always just regurgitate what everyone else says around me. i don’t have my own voice, i can’t form my own opinions, im upset at myself constantly. 
im so tired of feeling like this. i can’t see myself ever having any friends and i think im meant to be this way forever. im sure my boyfriend is tired of me and i don’t blame him. i saw him liking pictures of girls that were 10x prettier than me 3 days after i relapsed on sh, and then i relapsed again. he doesn’t know i’ve done that because i’m so embarrassed. that doesn’t even make sense. i shouldn’t feel that way over a like. nobody deserves to be around me, i feel like a raging bitch most of the time and i cannot control it lately. 
there’s times i feel good and i meditate and i read and i eat healthy, and it sort of feels like mania. then when im low it gets really low and nothing makes me feel better. god i’d do anything to end this. i feel so hopeless.