Hello everyone. This is my first post here. I'm on mobile so I'm not sure how the formatting will look to you.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD several years back. I am a 24F. Without getting into much detail, I was heavily abused by my alcoholic mother as a child, and when I was 19, her drunk boyfriend punched me in the face and broke my cheekbone. The bruising and swelling caused me to lose my full time job because I couldn't work in the public for over a month. I have permanent nerve damage. I became homeless for a short period of time because she didn't leave him and I decided to be the one to leave. I have been in and out of shelters and independent living programs while spending 6 hours a day, 5 days a week attending an outpatient mental health rehab with DBT groups. Although I've had a string of stressful and horrible relationships, my mental health has heavily approved over the years and I owe it, 100%, to how much I have strengthened my self-awareness through treatment. Self-awareness is key and the first start in breaking the cycle. 

I've been in love with the same man for nearly 6 to 7 years now. We've been off and on in our relationship due to us both having MI. I'm not exactly sure what FP means; I think it means favorite person, so, that's what he is to me. We've been holding on strong for the past 9 months consecutively and have been the best we've ever been. 

Unfortunately, every morning I wake up in a rage. I just think about all my past hurt and how angry I am at some of the people I've encountered and how they wronged me, even though I know my BPD exacerbated a lot of it. I have been having a hard time putting my phone down and not calling or texting my boyfriend incessantly for reassurance that I'm the one he wants even though I feel so messed up. 

This morning I reached for my phone and called him to say good morning while telling myself that I wouldn't give in to my anxiety and that I would have a normal, happy morning phone call. When he answered, he was tired from working all night. For some reason the lack of enthusiasm in his voice triggered my anxiety even worse, although I was well aware that I had nothing to do with why he sounded that way. I texted him about three times telling him I was going to shut my phone off and put it down for the day so that I didn't use it to cause problems and be self-destructive. This is the first time I've been able to express to him that my illness was manifesting and that I was going to give myself space until I could regain control of myself. Mornings are always the worst and I'm usually perfectly fine the rest of the day. I just needed to get through these first few hours. 

He called me a few hours later and told me that he knew I've been stressed about fixing my car, keeping my college grades up and how I was upset that almost all of my scholarship money was going into this stupid car so I can get around. He also said he was so proud of me that I recognized what was happening and put the phone down instead of bothering him at work. He said that this kind of progress made him want to help me more and he loved me so much. I've never really gotten this kind of reassurance before so I just cried and cried on the phone, only this time they were good tears! He still loves me! He loves me so much and he's proud of me! I'm doing it! I've made more progress! It felt like he was giving me a big hug through the phone. 


I still feel a little weird from the up and down waves of emotion but that positive validation really backpeddled the BPD from fully manifesting. I don't know if I'm bragging or venting or what at this point but I do want to say that I'm so happy and that I wanted to share my experience this morning. There is hope for all of us, and our relationships with people don't always have to be the same cycle with the same ending. I hate when people say to run from us because it won't get better. With the right "FP" and support system, it is totally possible. I am capable of feeling empathy and love, and I'm genuinely filled with it today. I took his feelings into consideration and in return he nurtured mine. 