It's been a while since I last posted anything here, my life has changed a lot since the last time I came here to rant about my life. 
Good things have happened: Ï got sober, I got good grades, the new medication I'm taking stabilizes me. 
But I still feel hopeless sometimes, I feel suicidal and lonely. I've been feeling really down the past couple of weeks and the urges to sabotage everything are becoming stronger. 
I've struggled with an eating disorder for the past 5 years but I got  better last year but I've relapsed. I have ednos &amp; the main behaviour I'm struggling the most with right now is binging. I cannot stop binging and purging (I try not to make myself sick anymore because it really damaged my body so I'm trying out fasting and exercice to compensate my binges). I binged and purged (by vomitting) at my friend's house for her birthday &amp; I still feel extremely guilty. 
I feel extremely lonely, no one hears or sees how hurt I am &amp; if they do, they don't care because they're tired of hearing me talk about my mental illness. 
I don't know what to do