I matched with a cute redhead on tinder and I’ve always wanted to date a redhead so we went on a first date and in my head I thought it was great and after we exchanged texts and she even said she had a lovely time and when I asked if she’d like to meet again she said definitely!
The next day I texted a generic hows your day been text and she ignored it till the following day saying “she thought she replied” and I decided to double down and responded and also asked what her schedule is like so we could set up another date and now hours have gone by and she’s showing no signs of responding. I know it’s unhealthy to obsess over someone but this tends to happen to me a lot I guess with BPD I tend to over idealize someone especially when I barely know them and even attach my own emotions to them and when they don’t respond it feels like the end of the world emotionally (I know it isn’t) but I feel anxious and my heartbeat is going crazy. It’s just sad that dating is already difficult and close to impossible with BPD. I probably came off as needy and desperate trying to set something up and reaching out so soon, or I have these ideas in my head that she’s texting or dating other guys and like it just really sucks and affects my daily routine and sleep and my general mood. I guess it comes from my core content of abandonment and worthlessness. Along with the true belief that I’m unlovable. BPD sucks and I feel so jealous of people who don’t have it and have healthy lifestyles and attractive partners and what seem like happy relationships. I want all of those too, they just feel so out of reach.