So far the only way I can cope with everything going on is drinking, one of them  being my depression and  me losing my best friend I had for 10+ years

I keep telling myself to forget him,  but it still emotionally hurts so bad

Yesterday iv left a box of gifts on his door for his family (since I'm close with them), I texted him if he got it

He's been ignoring me for a while now, you couldn't at least sent a fucking yes!?

I don't know anymore, maby I don't deserve friends anymore,
Most of the "friends" Iv made during my life span had forgotten about me

All of my life I haven't had a genuine friend who gave a shit about me apparently, I'm such a fuck up