It gets worse. I’ve always been depressed but used to be able to enjoy myself sometimes and distract my thoughts. Now I just feel completely dead inside with no hope for the future. Only drugs and sex give me pleasure these days. I had a traumatic childhood so I’m pretty much screwed here. I would kill myself but I don’t want to accidentally survive and be a vegetable. Just hoping I die or get killed soon. I miss the days when I was depressed but could cope. Sadly, those days are over. Just stare at my phone and then sleep, over and over again.