Hello,
First off I want to say my relationship is communicated very well with my issues of bipolar, and my partner understanding that sometimes my way of wording things, confusion, and episodes of depression and mania are something that is a part of me, that I hate, and do my best to control with what ability I have.

It isn't easy - we all know that, I have been willing to switch from lamotregene to lithium (didn't pan out- lithium really fucked me up, which sucks since I've heard its really a great thing for bipolar) I have bouts of saying in the moment i want to dissappear- not trying to allude to suicide, but just vanish and come back when everything is OK again. My partner had an ex who threatened suicide, so this is obviously a trigger for him, and I feel bad about it.

I don't feel like a quality girlfriend- he mentions post argument how much I hurt him with words, or how I treat him, or just body language I can give off. It's made me so anxious and paranoid, and when I forget about watching myself and relax a bit about how I act and talk it can cause huge flare ups. I do believe sometimes it *is* his fault, and we do apologize to each other, but I'm just.. worried I guess.

I want to make my relationship as easy as possible, sometimes we aren't good to each other, a lot of it is my fault, but I think sometimes he assumes too much of my actions or words and it makes things worse. I really love and care for this person, so talk of "breaking up" or telling me I'm in a toxic or abusive relationship isn't OK-- please understand I'm just asking for advice on how to make a relationship really stay structured with bipolar, what sources and advice can I give or send to my boyfriend to help him understand that some things are just going to be difficult, and how I can do better when in those stages of issues to make sure it doesn't blow up.

Right now we - for the majority time- walk away from each other and talk when things have cooled down, it sucks for me because I'm a type of person who really needs someone there for me, but I have realized that it just makes things worse, is that my bipolar just trying to drag someone down with me to feel how I feel, a really shitty tactic? Because deep down I really do want someone there for comfort, but I just can't seem to process on how to do that properly.

Sorry for the rambling, even if it's unrelated, I'd really like to hear those who are successful at maintaining a relationship (and family as well) how they do it, how they get through the bad, how they avoid blow ups, and how to make a partner who is not bipolar sort of get a understanding of what I deal with to understand why some things happen the way they do- and how do I not let the emotional reaction get the better of me in a tense situation?
 
Thank you for your time.