I am so done with masking my depression so people are comfortable around me. I am tired of being "so brave" and "so strong" after recovering from my last episode. It was beyond horrible, ended my marriage and a PhD in Canada. After three atempts and five stays at the psych ward, tons of meds and therapy I pulled through, got my life somehow back and started another PhD. 

Still, I feel soooo miserable from time to time. So so lonely. But I feel I need to keep playing this "survivor" fa**ç**ade so everyone is happy, especially my family. Well I am done, I feel like shit, I don't want to hide it, I won't shout it alright but I won't hide it either