I'm not sure what to believe anymore and it's at the point where I trust my instincts (even if they are fueled by BPD thinking) more than the ever changing claims my boyfriend makes.

Some days he is telling me he loves me immensely, talks about our future, and seems like he is truly happy to be with ME, despite how hard it can be.

Then when he feels at the end of his rope, he tells me he doesn't have to deal with this, criticizes every aspect of me, tells me how inadequate I am, and that he sees no reason to be any further committed to me. This came up in response to a discussion about living together as not doing so causes a great deal of stress on the relationship, and I want to live like adults who share a home, not having adult sleepovers at one another's place.

When things blow over, I am left to work through hearing these devastating things myself, as he sort of just pretends they weren't said and that everything is still fine. I am at a loss because he tells me he tries to educate himself/understand what BPD is like and how my feelings aren't always rational but are still strong and very real to me. If he is truly invested in me as he says and knows a huge component of BPD is fear of abandonment, then why do these hurtful statements come out about not wanting to commit or how he "isn't going to be with someone who blah blah blah". It sort of just feels like having my flaws and vulnerabilities exposed and then exploited.

I know no one is perfect. I know it's not easy for him. But he doesn't understand how statements like that change everything for me about the integrity of our relationship and his level of commitment. When I ask for some sincerity in the wake of a fight for reassurance after he says these things that torture me, I am only met with jokes?

Am I being unreasonable? Is he being a bit insensitive? I know we both have work to do and say we both love eachother, but I can't keep living my life like I'm a test trial or on probation.