So a quick run down, I have 2 kids (2 and 9 months) both boys and have been with my partner for 7 years 

My partner is back in work full time now after maternity ended for our second son. Because of childcare costs, it costs more for us to pay for nursery for the 2 of them than either of us earns a day, so we decided that one would work and one would stay home (in my head I guess I assumed I'd be working) turns out that now it's time my part er earns more money so we agreed she would work and I'd stay home with the kids, which meant I'd only have 2 days a week to work consistently, I had a few clients (I work in one to one care for stabled adults) but ultimately I chose a man called keiran to keep on 2 days a week over my other clients because he needs the most work to improve so it meant more work for me. His mum was happy I opted for him when I told her last week. However I was called a few days ago to say that basically keiran decided to say I am forcing him to do things like the dishes and dressing himself so they are refusing to allow me to see him anymore, this wouldn't have been an issue but all, these things happen in my line of work but my other clients are with other people now. Which left me with noone for work. All except maybe one ma  I'm meeting next week if all goes well but he only needs 3-6 hours so it's not much at all.

Anyway, it turns out that I was coping with more than I realised and that was the thing that triggered me into almost having a breakdown, if not for my partner i think I would have.

So as we talked I found out a lot. I'll list it since it might be easier.

1. Since having my boys my anxiety has never been worse, I worry about them a lot and get a lot of intrusive thoughts about them getting hurt.
2. Not that i would ever give the boys up but since having them my partner and I have had to work less and less to cope with them, culminating in me basically not working at all now and I am feeling inadequate because now she is the primary worker in our house and it turns out that somewhere deep down I guess I felt that it was my responsibility to provide for the family.
3. I'm terrified of being alone 5 days a week with the boys, I know I'll adjust and my first day of it was yesterday and it went so well for them but I didnt get as much housework done as I would like and I feel like my partner makes it look so easy and its so hard for me that I'm feeling like I dont contribute enough in the relationship, she earns more money and is objectively better dealing with both the boys and housework at the same time.
4. I'm worried about how little I've seen my friends this past year (due to the pandemic) and how little I'll be able to moving forward now I'm home so often with the boys.
5. Despite having some anxiety in the past its never been this bad and I have never judged anyone for struggling with mental health but it's never been that bad for me and it is now, suddenly I feel weak, like I thought I would either never struggle with it or if I did that I'd cope really well with it. I'm ashamed of myself that I'm struggling so much.
6. Sharing this even with my partner was very hard for me last night and I feel like I let her down for not just talking to her sooner but honestly I was embarrassed and ashamed and was worried what she would think of me which has never happened, I've always been open with abbie but I was so scared she wouldn't be OK with it even though I knew she would be.

Anyway, I guess I'm hoping for some advice or some kind words/reassurance.

Tldr: I think I'm on the verge of a breakdown due to a number of things, looking for help.