Hey everybody,

I slipped the first time in my live I didnt got something done because of my disorder and its a very biog deal for me. The past 5-7 years I tried best to make my live work! Im diagnosed since 1 week but I always knew something isnt right and helps me to keep my sane and whats not. 

I created a personality that helps me to stay in line but Im tired of it. My fassade is cracking it is to much work. I dont want to be this person anymore I want to be me. 

**Impulsive behavoir:**

Im tired to leave places like party, dates, malls only because I have a impulse to do something stupid. I have to be selfaware the whole day to keep me from shit and it works but is exhausting. 

&amp;#x200B;

**Doing stupid stuff:**

Im tired of seeing my friends doing crazy stunts (we do flips and stuff) and my reevluate every step and reconsidering it. 

**Sexuality:**

Im tired to distance myself to girls because out of fear I end up in sex state for weeks. I would love to say to a girl, who is flirting with me, that I will fuck and dominate her the fucking whole night and I want her whole body to kiss and touch and try everything but instead I just smile and keep it cool. Even sexting I try to keep it cool. 

When I was younger I did what I felt was right and it was amatzing but now I cant allow it myelf anymore.  

**Job:**

Thats diffcult one to explain dont get me wrong on this one. In normal jobs I often underperform regarding my skills. In my private life, I expect that everyone around me keeps up with my "pace" and I get frustated quickly when someone is to slow. Its usualy fine because I say: you are stupid and they say fuck you and its fine again. 

In the job live I have to pretend to be dumb and perform like that otherwise I would start to correct everyone and everybody even my boss and they take offence in it. I got already "sit downs" because of that and I cant find a balance in it. 

I like to get shit done as fast as possible the best time for is now. 

&amp;#x200B;

My question is if someone did that reconsider his live and went full in into it. I think about quiting my good job and work fulltime in my start up. Otherwise I fear I lie to myself and fuck it up big time because of my disorder. 

&amp;#x200B;

Cheers!