I (38f) have been seeing someone (36m) for a few months.  We both have BPD and he also has ASPD. The arguments we get into seem similar to what I see posted, one of us feels ignored, invalidated, taken for granted, etc. and it always escalates until we’re blocking each other for a day. The difference between us is I pout, he rages. He says the most hateful, hurtful, damaging shit he can think of while I shut down and go totally mute. He will call me names, tell me how hideous I am, how horrible the sex is, how he feels nothing for me, never has and never will, if we’re together, kicks me out of his house, and if we’re online, he blocks me or I block him. 

It’s usually 24 hours or less and then he’s fine and I’m not as upset, so when we unblock and everything is blamed on me, I don’t argue, it’s easier to wait it out because when that is NOT happening we can spend hours together, every day, doing everything or nothing, and laugh the entire time. 

How normal is this, or am I in a completely toxic situation that I’m making excuses for? I will take accountability for continuing to return to a relationship that is cyclical, because I tell myself he’s lashing out as a defense mechanism, he doesn’t really mean it, but how do I really know? 😢

And disclaimer: the sex is phenomenal. Lol