I’m in recovery from BPD. I’m doing DBT therapy, seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist. I’m very self aware and am progressing very well. 

Every now and then I have an episode after a fight with my boyfriend (me 26f and him 27m). These episodes can at random times burst into firs of rage and abuse.

It ranges from hitting myself to hitting him or throwing objects, becoming very violent screaming and crying and yelling at the top of my lungs. It’s exhausting and horrible and toxic behavior. 

I’m working very hard at fixing this behavior. It comes out of no where and it usually comes out of no where.

There is no excuse for my behavior. 

My boyfriend got to the point where he wanted to call the police and I couldn’t believe it had gotten to that point. 

How do I fix this? What can I do? Should I even be in a relationship with this man?