it's hard to explain but i kind of find being depressed comforting. it's hard to want to become better when it's so much easier to give up. i've been really destructive.. lots of things are falling apart. it's so comforting being in a warm bed and just sleeping. 

it's not easy or loving at all though.. i really hate where i'm at. i'm really trying to hold myself together. it's just nice to have some comfort when there's nothing going right in your life.