Knowing myself, i already know a lot of issues i have when it comes to relationship and my disorder really make it hard for me to ever have a successful relationship.

So I officially give up from this day on forward. I shall owe whoever i feel like i owe something to and pay my dues. Same with my first girlfriend, though she doesnt really care about me, nor do I even expect to her to talk to me anymore. I just need to repay her, even if it's risking my life. 

This pain, guilt, &amp; regret i've had over the years hurts more than physical pain. So i'll work my ass off, become famous, work harder than both my parents to raise enough money to just hand over to her. 

As for my love life, it's already dead. I pretty much should remain single for years and years to come. After realizing that most of my relationships go south, I see why my first gf lasted the longest, and i was the most happiest, and I also see how she was the longest to put up with me until she had enough. 

This is barely the Prologue to my Long Journey ahead. But I will sacrifice my life to provide for a girl who I am nothing to.