I can't stop imagining suicide. I want to give in so badly. Killing myself would be so easy and living in this hell is so hard. It hurts so much.

Every day is the same. Which me am I going to be today? Am I going to be a completely evil narcissistic bitch, a nervous anxious wreck, a depressed sack of shit, or will I revert to acting like a child?

My FP constantly yells at me for acting crazy and being bitch. I know I deserve it for how I act but my God I wish he could just understand. Please. I *need* you to understand. I can't help it. I need help. Please help me. Please love me.

On my bad days I call out of work and play video games and stuff my face all day to keep the constant flow of emotions at bay. On my good days I'll take a shower and do one small chore if I can scrounge up the energy.

I'm tired of being miserable. I'm tired of being told to change. I'm tired of fighting.

I'm just tired.