Cw: self harm, suicide

I am having a horrible relationship right now. I relapsed with my self harm and attempted on my life. I wasn't scared at all. I always thought I would be scared but damn was it peaceful to feel some metal relief that it was the end of my suffering. 

I'm pretty much on autopilot now. Like how I was when I was at my lowest. I even have the urges to just drink again( which I really dont want to fall into again)

I booked app but with my insurance it's gonna take a couple weeks. I just really want to last until that app and I have ZERO healthy coping mechanisms. I feel joy from nothing these days and it has been hard ngl. Anyone have any tips on what they do to keep themselves sane/grounded even just for a short while??