Is it selfish to think that? The only reason I'm still alive is because I couldn't stand what killing myself would do to my mom, dad, and all of my siblings. In the back of my mind I want to think they would get over it, but I know in reality my mom would never recover. I cant stand being alive, but I can stand the thought of the wake I'd leave behind. I'm in perpetual agony, forced to live a life I never wanted.