That’s it, I believe I just hit a new type of low. I’ve been struggling with depression for over 10 years now, contemplating suicide for about 4 years, but it was more like a comfort thought, never thought I’d be one day seriously considering it. Last two months have been very hard though, I don’t wanna put this weight on my parents/sister/partner shoulders. I really don’t. It will hurt everyone real bad. 
But it has been a non stop thought lately, I most importantly, I really cannot fight it anymore