So last week I went for our big family trip from my grandparent's family. That includes aunts, uncles, cousins, and nephews plus nieces. And then out of the blue I developed a crush to my older cousin (which is gross—but we're not blood related). This isn't totally out of the blue but I just kept it simple. 

Anyway throughout the whole trip, ofc I split real bad. I was beginning to have delusions and just couldn't focus all along—umh, even sometimes looking at him when we were swimming. I recognized it was a split episode, and my head was clashing mad. But I tried my hardest to remind myself to suppress the emotion. Although it caused me to ended up in a bad mood and acted shitty with my mom (some of it maybe because me being a perfectionist ass). But all in all, I avoided him the whole trip (prevents me to have more delusions). And then just that—ruined my whole mood throughout the trip. I felt dark, emo, gloomy, and being a loner.

When we finally went home, the feelings vanished away. I got cheered up again and could demolish all the gloomy feelings—although I ended up feeling a little manic. 

Idk but I think this one progress of suppressing the split. I remember I've always idealise random objection like this. But this time I recognized as something with a name. How well do u guys think I did? 

Im sorry this ended up lengthy