i do not really enough money to go to a therapist so i do not know how to manage. everything makes me  feel so useless specially when i'm under stress, i tend to feel much worse.

why do i feel lonely when there are people around me. why can't i be just normal? i thought i get over my traumas but they are still influencing my life.

i know i should get a proper theraphy for ptsd, anxiety and depression but i literally can't. whatever i'm doing makes me small, useless, unlovable. i do not think i should live anymore, i am just wasting of time.