i have adhd, autism, depression, and anxiety. my life, at this point in time, is a living nightmare. my adhd is mismanaged (currently on meds that don’t do shit), my depression and anxiety are untreated, i am not yet in any sort of treatment/therapy to learn how to manage my autism. i struggle through every day of my life and it’s a wonder how i’m even able to get out of my bed in the morning. 

if living through this has taught me anything, it’s that most people dont understand mental illness/disorders and the toll they take on a person. i don’t sleep. i over eat. i either feel all my emotions at once or not at all. my grades at school are falling. my room has mold and insects because i can’t clean it. i can’t focus on anything. i skip school because i can’t stand the thought of leaving my room. i don’t do anything i enjoy anymore. i’ve been wearing the same clothes for two weeks straight. i don’t brush my teeth and hide my breath behind a face mask. my physical health is suffering. most days i want to die… the list goes on. 

and no one understands. i try to explain it, and they just don’t get it. when i try to tell people that’s there’s just some things i can’t do, they say things like, “but it’s not that hard,” and “i don’t get why it’s so difficult for you.” they think that because i am so “happy” all the time and i have a “bubbly personality” i automatically have to have a stable mental health. but i don’t. i’m just really good at hiding it because i’ve found out no one cares, or they just don’t know enough to care. even my *therapist* thinks i don’t need antidepressants because i’m always joyous when i see her. i cant bring myself to be anything but what people need me to be unless i’m alone. 

i feel like im being held together with scotch tape, and no one is doing anything to help me. they just tell me that i should already know how to help myself, and it’s frustrating.