I am 23 and i have had depression since I was a child.

I always have been sad unhappy and friendless since i was like in middle school where people rejected me and where i had awful relations with family.

Today it got  so wrong that everyone rejects me everytime i try to find a group or join an association because of my anxiety, shyness, social awkwardness and my general sadness.

I have been isolating from my family because of the past and some remarks they used to told me (like if your girlfriend would know who you are she would leave you) and i have very few relations ships.

Every time i join a new group (like an assocation) if people dont like me and tell mean things about me i leave directly and dont talk to them anymore. But when i remind that i regret a lot

It s. Vicious circle because i remind my pass everytime and all i see is me getting rejected by people so it get me more sad which accentuate depression and so on…

I feel like I fucked up totally my youngth period where i could have made a lot of friends. I was just unhappy all the time.