The one recurring thing about adulthood so far is other adults putting me in situations where I have to *lie* to others. I hate it. It just happened again.

I don't know how to navigate social structures in the way I've always observed everybody else do. I've always been sensitive, overwhelmed by nothings, as a kid I found comfort in knowing one day things would be structured and clear but it's *not*. Sometimes I just feel so stuck in a chaotic web, things constantly change, people don't fucking communicate, they say things they don't mean, *I* say things I don't mean. I try to hold up the facade so firmly I can't put it back down for anyone, not friends, not loved ones, not theapists. Fuck.

I try to remind myself that no one knows what they're doing. People look like they know what they doing if they have experience, which I don't have. I've been a mix of sheltered and self-isolated, I'm dumb frankly. I'm tired..