I am really scared that I’m a toxic person and I don’t know what to do about it. Recently my mental health has been kind of a roller coaster, and I’m scared that I’m being a selfish person and that my negativity is bringing other people (specifically my roommate) down. I have been spending basically all my free time alone in my room because I am 1) really introverted and it takes me a long time to recover from my social interaction at work and 2) depressed and nervous talking about it with my roommate will bring her down. However, as a result I think I am coming off as selfish and like I don’t want to be around my roommate. Which, to be fair, is true, but I honestly don’t want to be around anyone and it’s nothing about her specifically. I’m tired all the time and the thought of making conversation with people is exhausting.
Anyway I just feel really selfish right now. I do care about other people and how they’re doing, but I don’t have any emotional energy to give anyone right now and I’m feeling really guilty for it. I also don’t really know what to do to feel better. I’m not in counseling at the moment, but am going to try to make an appointment tomorrow. Hopefully I can talk to someone sooner or later. I know I should tell my roommate that I’m not staying away from her specifically, but the thought gives me anxiety. I think she is the kind of person with the “fake it till you make it” attitude toward happiness, and I just don’t know how I can fake it right now. I just feel really weak and like a bad friend and idk. I’m so tired.