This has been on my mind for the last good while and so I’m gonna dump my thoughts into something here…

When I fill out my “pre-appointment intake” at my therapy, the question “how are you managing day to day life” is one that I can always confidently put “very poorly” because it’s true. I can’t hold a job, I sleep during the day, have terrible time management, and play too much video games. I’m living with my parents at 21. If someone were to call me a freeloader then I wouldn’t blame them. 


Sure, I’m bipolar and a recovering drug addict, but I have yet to even hold a job . I get manically excited when I land the job, and then crash soon after , and don’t leave my bed for 3 days. Then i’m without a job and devastated. I hide myself from the world for a while. This has been going on for a few years now. I don’t see it ending. 

Am I to blame? If I’m not, is there any hope for me? I feel like I don’t know what to do. 

Yesterday this came to a head, and I was obsessing about taking a handful of pills and offing myself. I somehow got through it and I guess I’m grateful for that.

The worst part is that I am certainly very deluded by my depression at the current moment, so while I understand that these thoughts might not be accurately portraying my life, it doesn’t make them less real in my head. 

Sorry guys, I don’t really know who to talk to about this and my therapy appointment isn’t for a while.