So about 6 days ago I got sent to the hospital because of a suicide attempt and after  a day they wanted to send me to a psych ward again because of my bpd and because I was a danger to myself.
I screamed begged and cried to not go there explaining everything that happened there the last times I went, saying I've been in and out of these since I was 12 and that they never helped. And yet they just kept saying "try this one". As if that would be different . So I was sent and after 3 hours of being there doing nothing cause I couldn't leave the room, they told me I could see the psychiatrist so I went and he asked " how's your sex change going " and I said that's none of your business I don't want to talk about that and then he asked " so do you still have your penis". I just looked at him like dude wtf and he started screaming at me that the only reason I wanted to get surgery was because I didn't believe I could have "sexual pleasure" as a woman and that I was wrong and that he knew better than me what being trans meant. I told him what the hell are you on about and he said listen sir I just know you don't cause you wouldn't try to kill yourself if you truly wanted to be a woman. So I said don't call me sir and he started screaming again "I don't care wtf you are it means nothing to me , you don't know what you   want I know I'll make sure you never get your surgery you'll never have it you'll never have it you'll never have it I'll make sure of it you don't know what you want you'll never have it" and after a long silence he said "get out I don't want to see you"

So obviously I fucking cried for hours and I finally got out today 

I'm really not sure what to do it felt so disgusting