Wrote this while disassociating, maybe you can relate maybe not, not diagnosed but sure its something.

 A Mixing man is the only word that describes me. A constant flow of different personalities taking over one at a      time. Like an imputent predator, I change to suit my environment of people.It normally takes around 5 meetings to build up that phantom brick wall, to get the foundation of what I will be like, these are the hardest stages for meeting people and staying interesting as I have nothing to go off. it is like a pick and mix of what line I will say next, and thats the worst part, is it really me talking, or am I sitting back watching my life being played out by another me. Its as if there are a thousand conversations in my head and I can only hear one. Sitting there just listening to what "I" say, wondering how it can sound so disconnected from me.

I want to talk my mind but I am almost silenced by myself, not allowed my own thoughts. 
My mind is constantly shifting from idea to idea while never stopping on what I truly want to say.
Im neither happy nor sad, simply in the middle. I cannot remember the last time that I was happy or sad. Just emptiness everywhere.

P.S If you are reading this, this is my life, be respectful, dont mention it to me or anyone and just keep living on.

After reading up on the subject I seem to be noticing it more and more. I can feel myself change as I change my environment (people). I just turned on a good song, followed by a yawn and a stretch and all of a sudden my mind has changed from depressed as fuck to an almost positive feeling. Gotta keep this going.
Told my mum about it, she seems happier but I am now annoyed at her for some reason. Not sure why. Like shes trying too much or treating me differently. Not what I wanted. She booked a doctors appointment tomorrow, not sure how I feel about this.

My grandmothers sister was the same as me, a mirror.
10/10/2016
I let this go for a while but it keeps coming back. Everytime I read up on it I feel my symtoms dissapate till I almost feel normal then it sucks me back in, filled the evaluation for a psych, not sure why I dd but I guess the anxiety is getting to me.

I want to talk to my other "parts" but they are me. Wish I had DID so that I actually had someone to talk about this with, I envcy them and their "systems". so structured and here I am. ___________

Loss of time, 9pm in the evening already, can remeber what i did. Spoke to mum, spoke to John* about his french, make a joke about _______. Had a cigarette with dad in the shed, ate calamari that I didnt like, it was too undercooked. Yeah i agree haha, why is she always inconsiostent, i guess its cause she doiesnt really have it together, IOm not sure i might be projecting onto her, at this point I am just typing and the buyttons are being pressed, no thought in my mind, maybe its just the Jamaican cigaretted.

Feeling pretty good, being narccistic towards patrick* and mytself, telling people to do things by saying quickly and loudly, causing a panic state making them do it. Made my brother scrunch his homework up.
