When I think back to a yr ago I just remember thinking "why do I do this stupid shit all the time". Whether that be too clingy to a partner, or throwing shit just because something upset me, or drinking excessively, or self-harm/suicide, or self-destruction, or hating me, or telling me I am a piece of trash and I deserve this pain, or changing identity in search of connection or disconnection, or put so much effort in for people just so they are proud but as soon as they leave you lost again.

In January I was diagnosed with BPD and it was like I finally found a reason why I find it so hard to exist while others don't.