I need convincing to improve myself. I need a reason to not just let myself go, become 400lbs, jerk off every night to corn, sleep all day, quit my job, and think about the inevitable end of my life.

I’ve never had a girlfriend (I’ve surprisingly had sex once and been intimate with a woman twice). Im getting very close to accepting I just can’t talk to girls and will never have game. Plus every time I see an attractive woman I immediately assume she’s taken. I’m only 5’9”, white, have no style, and not “well-endowed” so I assume that is pretty much an instant turn off to majority of women who see me. I also can’t see men and women as being friends. I only ever talk to women to either have sex or to date (because that’s what men are biologically meant to do with women). The only women I don’t do this with are married women, women in relationships, or female coworkers.

I was 320lbs, even got down to 262, but now after three weeks I’m back at 275. I fluctuate between “Hell yeah I’m gonna look good” and “God I look like a f*cking slob monster.” I hate myself because how I look.

This is only a fraction of the concerns I have with myself and my life. A fraction of the things that day in and day out make me existential dread depression. But I’m just slowly getting to where I don’t see the point in trying to get better.

Thoughts?