2 days ago my best friend and I had an explosive argument. She subsequently removed me from various social media’s and in person treated me as if I wasn’t there. I have been her best friend for over 6 years and our relationship is one that can only be described as platonic soulmates, but as someone who suffers from anxiety myself I always fear she will leave me forever. 

Typically proceeding this sort of argument, it will be a period of time of no contact (usually no longer than 2 days) and then  I am always the one to type the long paragraph of apology that also expresses my love for her. We normally get over it as if it never happened, and I am always supportive and understanding of why she reacts in this way. Yet, in this instance what I did that seemed to hurt her confuses me, so I don’t know if it’s a build up or that in that moment she was driven to that point of anger.  Ultimately as I am confused why I don’t know how to construct an apology. It’s so painful because in this instance I feel hurt myself. 

I have not yet reached out to her as I always do because some part of me wants her to show she cares about our friendship and me by talking to me first. Is this selfish? 
Our friendship is the strongest emotional connection I have with anyone and I just feel so alone without her, but she has another close friend she’s with and it makes me feel even more awful. I love her and I don’t know how to fix it. Leading up to the argument I had a paranoia that she “didn’t like my anymore” after she said and did a couple things that left me feeling anxious, yet I know deep down she obviously doesn’t hate me. I just don’t know how to apologise without it seeming insincere but I also am rooting for the hope she wants to reach out first. I don’t know how to navigate the ups and downs of being a BPD loved one, as for someone with anxiety it’s difficult. She’s like my rock and without her I feel cripplingly lonely.