I’m not sure if this is a BPD thing or an ADHD thing, but I cannot sit in complete silence OR even listen to music because it triggers my overthinking and extreme anxiety and ends up with me having a huge meltdown.

I play youtube videos or podcasts in the background at all times because then I can hear people talking and focus on what theyre saying instead of what’s going on in my head, but it doesn’t work with music. I can’t focus on music the same way because its essentially just sounds and not an actual human saying something coherent so it doesn’t work for me as a distraction. The only time I listen to music is when I’m walking home from work or to the grocery store because then I can focus on the trees or the ground or whatever else, but if I’m just at home sitting in my bed I go crazy if I listen to music or am in complete silence.

I dread going to sleep every night because it means I can’t focus on something that’s not my own head (overthinking) and I don’t want to change bloody sheets every single night if you catch my drift.

Can anyone relate to this? Having to listen to someone physically talk at all times to not go out of your mind?