About a month ago, things were finally great. My mind felt so relaxed, I actually told people I was finally feeling happy on a consistent basis. I couldn't believe it actually. 

Then I started having feelings for someone. This is where it always goes wrong. I feel as if I can't be happy unless I am detached from anything romantic. I just can't have those feelings or else I will eventually start to spiral into depression again.

ESPECIALLY when all this crap is happening during PMS. PMS hits me so bad, I wake up at 4:30am for weeks straight and I just think about not wanting to be alive the entire time. I haven't been sleeping well and am in the process of recovering yet again from falling on my face over having unrequited feelings. I'm just so tired of things not working out with anyone. (I have a humongous history of dating and sex partners btw. I know what I want and do my best never to fantasize about relationships anymore, though. The dating game is just too hard.)