I believe my partner/ FP (18M) is getting sick of me (F18). We have been dating for 1 year, although we broke up for 2 months (november, december 2019). He doesn't know I'm diagnosed with BPD as i'm scared it will give him more reason to leave. 

Due to quarantine my BPD behaviours have accelerated.  For example, if I am already in a poor mood (which is basically always) I will purposely make myself sadder. I do this by either, thinking about hurtful things he said MONTHS ago which aren't relevant anymore, or creating false scenarios in my head such as imagining him cheating on me and proceeding to get upset by that. I also begin to question why he is with me when he could be with someone better and I begin to wonder how long it will be until he leaves me. Once the spiral starts there is not much that can stop it, he is left wondering how his seemingly happy girlfriend switched to quietly crying unwilling to speak to him in only a matter on minutes. 

This behaviour is also triggered when he stops paying attention to me, even for 5 minutes.  I know realistically Im being unreasonable, if im sleeping over at his house he cant possibly pay attention to me every minute of every hour. Despite knowing this i cant help but question if the lack of attention is a sign he hates me. I quickly become resentful and quiet. 

Both of these scenarios lead him to ask whats wrong, I continuously deny that anything is wrong in order to received more attention. He begins to get distressed when i won't admit whats wrong and thinks he has done something wrong (which he technically hasn't). 

This pattern of behavoiur happens every time we spend time together and I can see his patience is starting to wear thin. I can see him giving up on me in a few different ways. 

1. He no longer approaches my sadness with empathy, there is more resentment in his tone
2. He gives up on comforting me a lot quicker than he used to. Instead will go and play videos games or message his friends while i cry.
3. He only says nice things about me or tells me he loves me when i'm upset, i'm beginning to think he doesn't actually mean it, he is just saying lies in order to make me feel better. 

Once I go home after spending the day with him I feel a wave of regret and will message him profusely apologizing for how i acted, begging for forgiveness. Even though I know It's completely my fault he is acting this way towards me, I cant stop this form of attention seeking and self deprecating behaviour.  If you have any advice please let me know, I really love him and don't want this relationship to end. 

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TLDR: My BDP behaviour is ruining my relationship. How do i stop it or suppress it.