I have been in an abusive 6 year relationship with an extremely toxic and abusive narcissist. The only thing keeping me in the relationship is the abandonment and loneliness I feel when I feel him or the relationship slipping away. I do not have friends and my family relationships are shaky. Being without him literally means being completely alone. I have extreme anxiety and also depend on him to travel and do things that I’m afraid to do alone. The problem is that now I am getting older and if I spend years more in this relationship I will lose the ability to have a family. I would never have children with him because I know how horrible he would be to them. Unfortunately, I worry that I will never meet anyone else because of my bpd issues and my insecurity, lack of career, extreme anxiety etc. I’ve been to countless therapists and dr’s over a period of years and spent thousands on thousands on them. Whilst I have learned some coping strategies and learned about why I am the way I am, none of the therapy or even medication has actually helped me move on with my life. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.