I've recently been coming to terms with the fact that I don't have a reason to live that comes solely from myself.. if I didn't have a boyfriend, a dog  and family who loves me I wouldn't be here. I think about dying everyday, but the only thing holding me back from doing it is them. Because of that I jump back and forth between resent and sadness. Resent because I get angry sometimes that there are people who love me, and sadness because I sometimes feel angry and resentful to those people. I guess frustration too because maybe there is a part of me that I'm not connecting with that wants me to keep going? 

It's painful because on top of everything else the emptiness and hollow feeling I live with on a daily basis prevents me from pursuing things. Between being always tired and asking myself what the point of it would be since I'll just fail anyway, I have nothing, and I don't know how to bring myself back to a place where I can build back up again. 

Sorry for the dumb rant.. it's one of those nights where I've been finding myself wondering if there really is a reason for me to be here.