My life is an absolute sh*t show. My boyfriend had an issue with alcohol, and by the time he realized he needed to stop, he’d already gotten himself in a situation he got arrested for. He stopped drinking, started therapy and an outpatient program for alcohol, and got his life together. Unfortunately, it was too little, too late, and while the responsibility he took led to a plea deal that was just a little over a year, he is still incarcerated.

So now, I’m supporting our girls on just my income. I never get to see my bonus son, because his ex just doesn’t care if it hurts her son to keep him away from me and his sisters, and now I’m paying for a family law attorney on top of paying all our bills alone. We just had our first hearing and I got my first bill for over 3500 dollars. Even harder, any time we have a hearing, he decides he’s lost our son and just stops talking to me, short of checking in to let me now he’s safe and hasn’t done anything to get sent to the hole. I don’t spend time with friends because they have no idea what I’m going through. I have no one to talk to. I put my pride aside and asked my parents for financial help and they essentially said, “We didn’t get help when we went through hard stuff, so no.” I’m already working full time at my career occupation, while driving for Uber nights and weekends and cleaning rentals when they come along. 

The only thing keeping me here at all is the knowledge that our younger daughter needs me, but I bounce back and forth between just not giving a d*mn about anything, wishing I could just disappear, and being incredibly sad, sometimes incredibly angry. I’ve taken out loans to cover attorney costs and I basically rob Peter to pay Paul at this point… pay credit cards to turn around and take cash advances to pay the loans. I haven’t paid rent in over six months because I just can’t, luckily we live in income restricted housing so they haven’t come after me yet, but I spend every day worried that a letter will be posted on my door.

I just don’t know how to keep this up for another 8 months.