This is a post from my blog but I feel like someone might actually understand this a little here.  The link is below if you're interested but if you struggle similarly, please let me know.  It would be really nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with this.

"I’ve been very focused on Borderline Personality Disorder in these first few posts, and for very good reason. It’s the elephant in the room of my mind when I think about changing. It’s the speed bump in the middle of the Indy 500 that derails the entirety of the race. I can’t grow if I continue to ignore it and it’s affect on my life.

One of the things that is hardest about facing this is acknowledgement of what it means in my life. When you tell someone you have BPD they immediately assume you’re one of three things. A drug abuser, an alcoholic, or a self-harmer. (I realize that isn’t a word…work with me here.) The thing is, there are many self-destructive behaviors and none of those are mine. I fluctuate back and forth between extreme shame and defiance when it comes to the way I self-destruct. It’s even hard to type in this post. I don’t know what to call it really other than, sexual obsession. 

Wikipedia calls it “Indescriminate sex with multiple partners.” but that’s not entirely true. I can willingly admit that if I was the kind of girl that was hit on often, that would be far more true. Lack of opportunity has likely saved me in that respect. Instead I have engaged in countless online sexual encounters, eventually leading up to a reckless sexual encounter last year. Since I’ve been on the dating market (and I use that term loosely) I’ve had several encounters as well and all left me peaceful in the moment and a disaster in the aftermath. 

So why am I telling you this? Because I think this aspect of BPD is underexposed. As someone who suffers and wants to move away from this kind of destruction, it shouldn’t be so hard to find someone who is also suffering in this way. Maybe we’re all just ashamed, I know I am. Maybe it’s not the most common behavior for those with BPD but it is prevalent enough to show up in all the descriptions of the disorder. I just wish more of us were willing to admit to this issue and help eachother heal."



http://lifeofthesongbird.tumblr.com/post/106918275383/part-of-loving-yourself-is-getting-real-with 