I enter reddit like an hour ago to keep my mind occupied and I realized that I never talk to anyone about my problems. I was okay with it but since a couple months ago I'm getting very anxious seeing the problems worse than they are and I'm starting to see everything black again. This scare me a lot because I remember how things stopped to matter to me, getting even suicidal thoughts. 

Yesterday I got the worst panic attack I've ever hard, I was alone and I was showering when my heart started racing and I was hyperventilating. I started to cry and I kept going like that one hour when my chest was hurting a lot with my head and neck too. Idk but all felt like a dream and even now It costs me to breath normally.

I think the worst of it is that my mother notice I was a little strange and she just got mad at me because "I'm not very happy even when she bought me some shorts and grabbed me some pizza for dinner". I told her that that wasn't a good comment and that made everything worse because she started to tell me that she loved when her mother bought her things and things like that. Idk but it all seems so selfish to me, It's like I have no right to have a bad day and that only makes me feel more sad.

oof I'm better now that I let everything out, thanks reddit you made my day :)