I’ve always felt like it’s been harder for me to lose weight or get in shape than the average person for some reason. I’ve known overweight people that struggle with food addiction but have always been able to lose weight with a little grit and support, but I’m ALWAYS bouncing back and forth weight wise.

Like food for me is almost medicinal. I feel so empty constantly that I think all day about what will fill me up physically because I never reach out for emotional support anymore because no one can stand me. So food it is. Even if I’m not hungry, it’s food or alcohol, which then puts weight on . 

I feel like I’m soooooo emotionally attached to food and eating that when I don’t go without binging even for like two days it feels like having a FP abandon me or something. It’s more than like “oh well can’t have pasta tonight lol 😂 “ it’s like the end of the fucking world for me. 

Perhaps having a personality disorder makes healthy living like 100 times harder or something