been in a depressive episode for a while. got worse this week. stopped taking my meds since i was low but scared to call for a refill. been sleeping or laying down most days just rewatching the same videos. broke down crying a couple days ago, debated calling 911 at 3am but my roommate was home.

finally called my mom. i've been scared to bc i'm 21 and she's out of town for work. she always says she'll drop everything to come back and help me but i don't want her to. then she told me i can't take that from her bc she won't forgive herself if something bad happens when i'm left alone. i've been scared to hurt her more since she and my dad split recently. it took a lot to finally call her but i think she deserves the chance to stop me. 

she talked me through taking my meds and breathing and walking around to stretch stiff muscles. feeling a bit better, gonna feed the cats now :)