My boyfriend and I have both been diagnosed with BPD. He “acted more BPD” at the beginning of our relationship and was really emotional over starting a new relationship. He came out after our first date and told me he had BPD and was very anxious. I told him I had BPD as well which was a surprise to him because I didn’t really show many symptoms at first. 

Unfortunately now I am a BPD WRECK. We’ve been together for 7 months now and he only has episodes when it’s over school or getting a job, etc. I have them almost everyday now. I constantly am triggering myself and have intrusive thoughts of him cheating on me or wishing he was with someone else. Mind you, he has been an angel our relationship. He said somethings at the beginning while we were talking about other girls which he says were jokes but I am constantly holding on to them and can’t let go even though they were 7 months ago. I also have been gaining weight so I breakdown looking in the mirror sometimes. This causes me to not want to go anywhere or do anything with him or even be around him. He always convinces me to stay around him tho. He has been so patient and so kind towards my episodes but I can tell they’re effecting him. He seems so much more “normal” than i do. He has great DBT insight and he’s so much more logical. I don’t know if it’s because he has graduated the DBT program and feels he’s in good place or if now he’s in a stable relationship it has calmed him. I don’t know.

He doesn’t understand my thinking anymore. I tell him I dont either. At this point I feel lost because the only person who understands me doesn’t understand me anymore. I can’t understand myself anymore. He is such an angel and reassures me and calls me beautiful everyday. but its not enough anymore. I have started to get help but finding a therapist that specializes in BPD and is taking new patients right now that wont cost an arm and a leg is so hard to find. I have an appointment to get back on medication. I feel we were made for each other and he feels the same. but i feel like im tearing apart the person i love.