i was just diagnosed BPD by my new therapist (starting DBT with him in three weeks) and the thing that seemed to tip him off most clearly was when i described my relationship with my wonderful partner and how intensely and unshakably i feel like i’m going to fuck it up and lose it all. i have a painful history of self sabotage. and no matter how much my partner does to show me he loves me, no matter how much i know he loves me—and truly, i know he does—i still experience the unshakable feeling that he’s going to leave me, that he’s just going to stop loving me one day.
(side note: i’ve never been in a healthy relationship or been able to stay in a relationship for longer than a year— we just hit a year in august!) 

i’ve felt deeply alone in this feeling for so long, but my therapist said this is incredibly common among BPD people in relationships. this broke my heart &amp; simultaneously made me feel so seen / heard.
is this relatable to other people here? i am very excited to work through this in DBT, and i am so hopeful that it will eventually fade away so that i can believe my partner when he tells me he loves me and believe our beautiful relationship is actually real.

(2nd side note- i think my diagnosis has already helped my partner a lot because he understands why i’ve been so challenged in believing him/ understanding his love for me. so that’s a good thing ! sort of a silver lining.) 

thanks, friends. anything to share on this subject would be awesome.