Hey guys, 
I would love your insight here. 

First of all, I should disclose that my friend is not diagnosed. I realize that it's in extremely poor taste to pin someone with a diagnosis unless you're a professional, but I have dealt with (secondhand) and heavily researched BPD before and my friend has opened up to me a lot over the past several months about her mental health--all of the behaviors and thought processes fit, and for all intents and purposes I'm 100% sure BPD is at the root of her suffering, with heavy abandonment issues at the root of her BPD. That said, though, she knows something's wrong but she doesn't know what, and as much as I want to let her know that there is a community that she can reach out to, I have a feeling that saying anything right now will only exacerbate the situation. I'd really just appreciate your insight as to how to best approach her after she took something that I said the wrong way, made a huge deal out of it, and essentially called off our friendship. 

She had been in an emotionally abusive relationship for years, and she only just escaped from it a few months ago. She was isolated (as per his demands) and didn't have any friends. I've been supporting her as she reaches out to people, but one girl that she continues to try to form a relationship with continues to ditch her, and she calls me upset about it very often. I always console her and tell her that this girl--and most people--have their own issues that manifest as self-absorption and inconsideration, and that the trick is to find people that won't cast you aside and treat you like dirt. There are people that treat me that way, too, and I have to cut them out of my life for my own mental well-being. We've had that conversation before, but she continues to try to make plans with this girl and then get really hurt every time she gets ditched or lied to, which triggers her sense of worthlessness and unloveablilty. Similarly, she continues to (although less and less frequently) attempt to return to her abusive ex, who lashes out at her and cuts her down every time, and she calls me crying saying how horrible he is and how she sees that now and is never going back. Then, a week or so later, she tries to go back again. She's told me that she hopes that one day he'll wake up and see how loving/nurturing/loyal/etc she is and start to value her as a person. She knows (or claims to know) how  flawed that line of thinking is, but she can't seem to stop. 
For months, I've come from a place of love and genuine care, and she's been incredibly open with her feelings. We've gotten very close and there's a genuine understanding and sense of companionship between us. I don't shy away from what I think her baggage is and the steps I think she should take to try to recover, and she's told me that she appreciates how I can come from a place of love but still call out her issues. 

The other day, she called me crying about being ditched by this girl again, and we had the same conversation that we've had dozens of times. I told her that she needs to stop putting herself in that same situation with that same person, and that she's just going to keep getting hurt, and she laughed a little and shrugged it off with a "yeah". I'll admit, I was a little frustrated with what I saw as willing blindness, but I was still trying to be helpful, and I said "Well, when you try to make plans with her next week and she does the same thing, feel free to call me upset again". It was a little abrasive, and perhaps not the best way to approach it in that moment, but my intention was to drive home the point that this will happen over and over unless she makes an effort to change things. I'm always a little crass in an effort to drive home a point--this isn't some new aspect of my personality, and we've been close for months. But this time, it really hit her hard. It didn't even cross my mind that it was a possibility that this would upset her, let alone set her off as much as it did. She started holding back tears telling me that I was being mean, and that she had to go, and then she hung up. 
I immediately left her a voicemail apologizing and trying to explain myself and what I meant, and hours later I got a text saying "It's ok. Don't worry about it". I told her that I can't do that, and that I'd like to talk through it. She kept trying to just ice me out, but eventually I was able to call her and try to de-escalate the situation. But she sounded completely dissociated. It was a little creepy to hear that in her voice. She didn't care to talk about anything, or mend anything, or accept an apology. She had taken what I said to be me complaining about her calling me so much with her problems, and she ran with that notion, and she was too far gone at this point. She yelled at me that I wasn't her shrink or her father. The phone call ended with no progress being made. Then she texted me and said that we can't be friends anymore. 
That night, she sent me a string of texts about how cruel I was, and how she felt like she wasn't even talking to the "me" that she knows that afternoon, and how I had told her she could always talk to me and she trusted me and now I'm "cutting her down" and speaking to her in a completely uncalled-for way. But I was so gentle! I had told her on the phone that I wasn't mad at her, and that I genuinely care about her and maybe I misstepped on my phrasing but that it was coming from a place of love and I was only trying to help.... it didn't matter. She had a perception of it already and nothing could change it at that point. 

I know who she is and I accept all of her. We've been so close for seemingly so long, and I can't believe that even in a fit of rage, she would try to throw all of that out the window. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, but this is the first time with her that I've been on this end of her anger. I've been on her side to help her through all of the other episodes. 
Anyway, I want to approach her peacefully and from a place of love and let her know that I didn't intend to hurt her feelings and that I consider her a good friend. I also sort of want to let her know that she hurt MY feelings, but I'm not sure that's a great idea  right off the bat. What sort of approach would you be most receptive to? Any advice is appreciated. 