I can't stop being terrified that everyone around me hates me and wants to leave. I'm petrified with the fear that it's all just fake, and it'll collapse on me eventually, when everyone disappears from my life or I disappear from everyone else. Today it's been the worst, and I know it's probably not real, but that's not helping, and I feel like I'm going insane, the paranoia won't go away. 

Worst of all is right now I can't see any future for myself, I don't want to stop living, but I don't want to keep living, and I don't know why I feel so confused and scared and damn I sure am rambling right now. I wanna scream, but I don't have the energy for it.