Question for people with intimate knowledge of experiencing perceived shame/guilt brought on by your partner and what was your reaction? 

By all accounts I gave my heart and soul to my exPWD, even through the completely confusing and traumatizing sudden devaluation/discard. I brought her attention to the sadness she was creating in my kid, by her suddenly disappearing from her life when they had a great bond. My kid took it tough and I took it tougher thatd she’d leave a child’s life so callously. Anyways that triggered a 90% block. Well then I went to my therapist with no clue on BPD at the time - I just knew she had depression, anxiety and a very traumatic childhood. So I learned a lot about the behaviours  I was  being subjected to, and it opened my eyes to a lot. I wrote the now ex a very (what I thought was sincere) letter apologizing for not understanding, for not knowing what she was going through mentally. Thanked her for the good memories and for letting/trusting me to be a part of her daughters earliest months of life . Well that backfired because she blocked me 10000% after that and instructed her entire family to do the same. Like a fkn choreographed deleting of me. 

Like I didn’t even judge her I felt so bad that I didn’t get what mental illness truly was at the time. I’m recovering but this is one of my biggest hang ups - now reaching out from a place of sincere sympathy/compassion and understanding could trigger absolute deleting from her life.

Any insight is appreciated:)