I have extremely severe anxiety on daily basis to the point where I rather die than live. I’m an entrepreneur and my anxiety is mainly a consequence of stress and worrying about liquidity issues.

My anxiety would be close to non-existence if I didn’t abuse nicotine or drink alcohol or drugs. I’m addicted to nicotine, but not to alcohol or drugs. 

So. I could chose a live with much less anxiety, but I don’t. I can’t rationally describe why, but I don’t won’t to live a sober life. I need kicks of some sorts in daily basis in order to find life worth to live. Otherwise it was just be a flat line, which doesn’t feel appealing to me. But I also don’t want to put my life on the line to the severe anxiety I live with.

Anyone can relate to this? You know what causing you anxiety but you don’t want to quit? It’s sound extremely stupid but it’s hard to live with.