I have been manic for about the past two months. I have also had a strong feeling that I'm going to die soon. It feels so strong at times that it seems like just a fact I know. I know it like I know the sun shines everyday.

I'm due to have knee surgery on the 27th and I feel like I keep noticing signs that affirm this feeling. Which could obviously just be a coincidence and common stuff. But when these things come up they stick out like a sore thumb. 

I've been asked 3 times now if I have a will or advance directive for if I pass away by my medical team for the upcoming surgery. I've never been asked this before for other surgeries I've had. I even had a surgery this year to remove an ovarian cyst and it was never brought up.

They also asked me multiple times throughout multiple visits if I ever had an interaction with anesthesia. I never have but once again other surgeries it was only asked once maybe twice. I've been asked this A LOT.

The other day my bestfriend also asked me what I would do with my cats if I passed away unexpectedly. They've never asked this before in the years I have known them. They have never brought up me possibly dying. It seemed so out of the blue and isn't something we really discuss. It wasn't even related to the conversation.

That stuff isn't a big deal but combined with the fact that I think I know I'm going to die, makes it a big deal. Everyday I know I'm going to be dead quite soon. I just know it. As much as I try to suppress this thought I can't get it out of my head. I truly think im going to die soon.

I also don't know if it could be from me going on risperdone recently. 

Has anyone ever felt this way before? I'm going to reach out to my psychiatrist and see what they say but I just can't shake how true this feels to me even though the stuff confirming it is so minimal.