TW SELF HARM

I’m 23, I woke up today to a breakdown and can’t stop crying. He came in three times to tell me it was annoying him and I’ve been “crying for like, 40 minutes” and it was driving him crazy. I felt really guilty so I cut myself because I felt like I needed to be punished. I tried to hide it because he gets annoyed with it. But he caught me the last time he came in because I had blood on my hand and he got so annoyed. He started sighing and getting mad and told me “it’s literally like you’re a little suicidal 13 year old boy. That’s what you are. Cmon dude.” And left me there. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed and awful. I feel like a burden. I moved to the bathroom so i wouldn’t frustrate him with me crying. I just want a hug