Hi my name is skylah I'm a 18 year old trans female almost 2 years on hormone replacement therapy, what lead me take a mental break for 2 years in this process I skipped school never got my GCSEs and isolated barely seeing my friends and when I did it involved heavy drug use to the. Point it's hard to socialize without

My mom passed away a year ago and to cope and with my overwhelming dysphoria and self hate I developed anorexia and starved myself to the point I got to 16bmi and the only thing I could think about what my next meal was and how I'll burn off the calories, I felt comfort in this but I was losing count of days and months, I lost all my contact with my family and was horrible around them what led me to think I had borderline personality disorder I've ruined my family with my behaviour and Im trying to fix it 

After a recent suicide attempt on my birthday of all things whilst trying to jump off a bridge, I was dragged by police officers and heard the screams of my sisters what led me to try and recover from my eating disorder and focus on them 

I failed I can't even hang out anymore Im so Dissociatied now 
I'm so fatiuged for no reason I'm gaining weight exercising mediating doing everything to better myself mentally so I can be there and have a social relationships again because I feel like it's a huge part of a better life 

I really do have aspirations I want to go to college be independent do a wood working hobby and just admire the earth and travel I know there's hope and I've seen it before

My college has been saying they will get in contact to see if I can go back to college and do a course but it's almost the next term so I doubt I'll get in what makes me feel so stuck and empty like I have nothing to do and it's overwhelming I feel so useless and not achieving anything is turning me insane it's like I don't know what I want to do but I'll do anything than just consume media and smoke all day and talk to guys as some validation

If anyone has been in a similar situation like me what would be your advice