I'm tired of being judged by people on things that I do or think or feel. If I'm happy I'm 'too much' 'too bossy' 'too attention seeking' but when I'm sad I'm also the same. I'm tired of being picked on for being 'attention seeking' because of how I dress or because I like talking. Yeah I like dressing up and looking good and yeah I like talking, but those two things combined make people sort of fear/hate me. Like if I'm just dressed up and feeling tired (not talkative) it's cool, no one cares. If I'm dressed down for whatever reason and feeling chatty, again it's cool. But it's like, I'm not allowed look nice and be my bubbly chatty self ?

Then recently this guy who I was hanging out with for a little while just randomly said to me 'why do you make people feel guilty?' and I literally could not understand what he meant, because I'm not into guilt trips...but what I think he might have meant is that just my presence makes people feel guilty. Like I'm happy, but I'm kind of clingy, so if I go out at night, I like to hang around the people I know and maybe they don't always want to talk to me especially if there are lots of other friends there. I guess that's what I was doing with him, because when I asked him to give me an example, he said 'that's the thing...it's nothing you actually say...it's something else, it makes people feel guilty.' 

And lastly, I'm tired of people judging me based off themselves. Like I might be doing my thing, whatever it is, and then someone might have a problem with it because it's not what they would do. Like it could be anything from how I dress, the jokes I make, maybe the fact that I smoke, or enjoy to drink, or enjoy to dance...I do everything I do with a bit of confidence, so even if I'm upset, I'm confident about myself being upset, like I won't think 'oh I shouldn't be upset' I'll just be upset... so I guess it's almost like my lack of apologetic behaviour for existing makes people feel weird around me sometimes. 

I'm not saying I don't apologise- but I only apologise if I really did something wrong, and I try to live life just not doing wrong things. Like I live by my own rule book of 'right' and 'wrong' and I don't usually cross it, but when I do, I say sorry, but if I don't then I don't... but I think it makes people believe that I'm just never self concious , which is meant to be a good thing? But maybe it comes across weirdly at times..