Comparison is the thief of joy

It seems so silly, I know full well that comparing myself to other people who can seemingly do things I can’t so well makes me feel awful, but I still continue to do it. I sometimes wonder where my logic goes. Am I just that emotional immature that I can’t process things well and I continue this cycle of self-sabotage?

For a little context, I have awful brain fog. I feel like I’m losing the ability to speak and my memory is failing me. Because I’m struggling to communicate, I feel guilty and awful that my OH has to endure so much silence from me. He doesn’t understand how I think he’s missing out because that vital communication is lacking. Of course, he is wonderful and loves me for me. But it is tough just wanting to talk to him about everything and have silly conversations like we used to when I feel unable to do that now. 

Pretty sure I have depersonalisation as I have visual disturbances, feel uncomfortable in what I’m saying as it doesn’t seem like me, and feel like I’ve lost my personality. On top of that I have Hashimoto’s disease which affects cognitive function, and am also being referred to a CFS clinic for long-term fatigue. All of which I’m sure is not helping my brain.

So because of this I can find it difficult when I see others interact to easily with my OH, not because of them personally but purely due to me really struggling with that myself.

TL;DR Comparing myself to others because I just want to have the cognitive ability to think clear enough so I can hold conversations with my OH. I’m worrying that I’m not good enough because of this and feel guilty for my OH.