My FP and I have been on/off for 10 years and despite all the hurt he's caused me, I still can't seem to let him go. I'm not a writer but I wrote this "poem" about how badly I wanted to be loved by him that I put up with so much. It's hard to understand and explain how BPD affects us but I'm sure some of you will relate. Sadly, I still don’t know how to break the trauma bond and if he came back I would always say yes.


All I’ve ever wanted was for someone to love me at my worst.  
To love me unconditionally.  
To love me through my crying fits,  
  my phases of emptiness,  
   and all my emotions.  
To see that I am broken and to help me heal and grow from my wounds.  
To not give up on me.

And I loved him at his very worst.  
I loved him through his alcoholism.  
Through his cocaine addiction.  
Through nights he wouldn’t come home and nights he’d stay up outside.  
Through all the hidden secrets and all the lies.  
Through every receipt,  
  every text,  
   every email that I found.    
Through all the other women that made me feel like I wasn’t enough.  
Through all the cruel words,  
through all the yelling,  
through all the pain that he’s caused me  
and every way he broke me.  
Through every moment that made me question who he was  
and if he really loved me.  
Through all the times he gave me up.  
I loved him through it all.

And I even love him now.