Hello, how’re you?
I’m doing great, he says.

But what he doesn’t want you to know is how helpless he feels, how lonely he is, how fond a smile towards his direction from an unfamiliar face would be. 

It’s crazy how I think the effort that I’m putting towards my goals is worthless. But it’s my own grit, what’s left of my own self motivation that drives me to continue and sometimes it feels like that’s all that’s pushing me. I throw on headphones to lift my spirits, but my feelings can’t help but wrap around emotionally powerful songs that keep me in this dark loop thinking I’ll never get what I want.

I have my resources, I have my friends and family and my girlfriend but I find myself periodically thinking it’s not enough. I go through bouts that I’m not making a true affect on people and that people wouldn’t care if I were here. Life will go on without me. I strangely find comfort in that and turmoil. 

I think I need to go in and talk to someone again. 