Everyday I wake up, I hope it’s my last. I’ve never had the energy to do the most menial tasks there could be. every night, I sit in bed just crying. About nothing really. Just crying about existing. It’s been like that for about 4 years. I’ve never tried opening up to anyone, because I’m constantly scared of people leaving me. I’ve had a girlfriend for about 1 year. She’s had an eating disorder for over 2 years. I knew about it and did my best to help. When I broke up with her almost a year ago, I felt nothing but guilt for not being there, everyday to this day. I do loads of drugs every day just to feel less. It scares me, how much I like the person, I am when I’m high. This hollow person with no interests, just living with no personality. But every night when all the shit wears off, I get sad again and think about just walking out the door and jumping off a building. I know that these drugs only boost my depression, but I’ve cleaned my room for the first time in months, when I threw in a 100mg Ritalin pill to my daily pill cocktail. I really don’t want to exist anymore and my life is a pathetic waste