Even if I force myself to cry, I just can't. I just don't give a shit anymore. One of my cats whom I love very much died just last week and I did not even shed a tear. My older cousin (that is v close 2 me)  died due to a car accident last year, I didn't even cry.  Even if I wanted to, I just don't feel anything anymore. People think I'm heartless. Suicide does not leave my thoughts even if I distract myself.