I am deeply tortured by my feelings of wishing I had another life. I wish I lived somewhere else. I wish what I saw through my eyes each day was something different than this. I’ve been so disassociated lately, fantasizing about living other lives, being other people, knowing different people than I know now, having a different family, everything, completely unrelated to my life now. I used to love getting lost in movies but I can’t even watch them anymore without triggering severe dysphoria. I don’t have a lot of attachment to myself or what I’ve built anymore and I am losing it so quickly. 

I am so fucking tired. I want so little to do with my reality. When I accidentally feel something beyond lust it is so fucking painful and estranging. It feels gross how detached I am from the things and people in my life that are supposed to matter. And at the end of the day I always have this disturbing ass feeling that I don’t want to be any other way. I have this source of pure evil inside of me telling me I wouldn’t be anything if not this. 


Anyone rockin with me? Lmao