(Apologies for how long this is going to be) 

Important notes: 
( He said he is a quiet borderline, said he does not fall out of love easily, is on a dating app and made it clear he has multiple partners, is in therapy, has told me he often says hurtful things to people he loves and regrets it).

This has been my first time dating someone with borderline personality disorder and while I don’t regret it, I’m alternating between confusion, heartbreak, numbness, and anxiety. 

We met on a dating app. He was charming, well read, funny. Both on the artsy side of life so I was especially drawn to him. He took me on a few impulsive dates and things were…okay. He was patient with me as I made assumption after assumption not fully understanding what he wanted because he wasn’t describing it well and I wasn’t educated enough on BPd (though every night I did read up on it as he suggested and I wanted to understand him, or at least the illness, better). 

One night he invited me over to his apartment. He was feeling particularly sexual and it was my first time doing anything like that but I was head over heels and I genuinely liked the experience. I didn’t finish because I was too shy but he did…then he started dissociating. 

I knew he had sexual trauma…and he went on about how he should’ve prepared better for this (the chance of him dissociating). I remained by his side all night even when he started drinking and trauma dumping and crying. He asked if I was scared and I said no (which I was genuine about). I listened to him and cuddled him and he laughed here and there though it was empty and sad and then he passed out. I stayed the night. He wrapped his arm around me once or twice throughout the night but then it was like he was angry with me. In the morning he was more or less indifferent and I left because he asked and I had to go to class. He apologized multiple times but I was too confused to properly say anything. I told him it wasn’t okay now but it would be. Later I made the decision of sending him a long paragraph and in my flood of emotions I said I loved him. 

He said we should stay friends. Then he got more distant and said he needed space after we argued over what I genuinely can’t remember. He was just mad at me all of a sudden…he didn’t give me a clear timeline and I was worried I’d be pushed away more so I told him I’d leave for a week and come back. I checked in on him the next day asking him if he still wanted me to wait till the end of the week he said yes. The next day I sent a message just in case saying “hey you don’t have to respond but you’re on my mind” he told me to please stop messaging him so I did. I spent all week reading posts, articles, and poems from people suffering w/ BPD and I realized the amount of wrongs that happened. 

I messaged him a week later like promised and he seemed better, not cold but still distant. He started making excuses for why he couldn’t see me and I learned he was upset with me because I told him I loved him. He believed I was projecting a false image onto him and made no effort to connect to him which I softly reminded him I downloaded books he said made up his ideology and had researched BPD the whole week we were apart and saw past the misconceptions because he told me it was a concern of his. And he said I’d never know him from a few articles and I told him I want to know him but he won’t let me. He again accused me of projecting an image onto him and when I asked what image he thinks that is he said “idk but you clearly are since you love me after only two weeks” 

Which, okay, that’s totally understandable. But I had never been in a relationship that moved so fast and we were cuddling and napping together and drinking…

The last few pieces of our argument which I feel I genuinely remained calmly through…ended with him saying the following lines: 
(Asked if he felt anything for me) 
“No” 
“I just don’t think we’d be healthy. I’m too unstable right now.” 
“At most we could be friends but it’s going to take distance and time” 
“I’m sorry it has to be this way, I don’t want it to be” 

Then he blocked me… 
I know people with BPD are individuals and therefore there is no clear yes or no…but does anyone think he’s coming back…or is it over and I should move on? 
 I would also love any insight on what his thought process might be during this time if anyone had any similar experience 
Also feedback on what to do better is also welcome I know I fucked up.