My ex(f19) and I(m22) met online 2 years ago and she was the perfect person, the best friend I ever had. We talked every day, listened to each other’s issues, she told me about her “abusive ex”, we’ve given each other life stories, she made me comfortable as a person and I’ve never opened up to someone the way I opened up to her. We were such an odd match, a large black guy with a “street” look and an “alt” looking tiny white girl with a bunch of tattoos. Around September last year we decided to pursue a relationship (she asked me, I initially declined but she kept asking and we talked about it some more so I agreed) and she moved in, from LA to Georgia around late October. Within the first few months she had changed so much from the person I talked to every day. Nearly 2 years and I never saw a single red flag, it was crazy. And then BOOM She’d cut herself over small arguments and blame me, she screamed constantly causing police presence, she told my family I abused her, and more. She was obviously manipulative. She always apologized but…I know I shouldn’t have accepted them when I did. She had been my best friend for 2 years I trusted her, I thought what we had was real. Then it became clear to me she something else had to be wrong.

Over the last few months we’ve been going through a tough time getting kicked out of our roommating situation because of some crazy arguing, sleeping in the car and still trying to make it to work. I told her a few weeks in I think it’d be better for her to go back to LA, she needed a home and we couldn’t get one fast enough. I was prepared to let go. She cried and begged to stay together, she said she’d go home temporarily and come back after about 2 months when we’d be able to get a place together. I didn’t think it would work out, but she begged so agreed. On her last day…through my tears I had her promise me she’d come back. She went home on April 5th after a wonderful last day together. The first few weeks were consistent calls and texts…then it started falling off. Then she started telling me I was annoying for wanting to talk 24/7 and wouldn’t let her have friends, and during all this we’re discussing me flying out to visit her. I spent $500 I didn’t have on a ticket to see her. On may 3rd I flew out and she broke up with me a few hours after I got there. I had 5 days to be there, she specifically asked me to get more than 2. She ignored my tears, the begging….she didn’t care. I’ve never felt like less of a man. I got treated terribly during that trip and slept outside in a tent. She says she can’t forgive me for making her homeless…like I wasn’t there the whole time. I physically couldn’t be away from her. She acts Like we weren’t homeless because she cut herself and put her blood on the wall. She blamed me. But I felt like that was a bs reason. Even tho she had already broken up with me, she promised there was no one else. But I’m not stupid. She hid me from everyone, so it’s clear she went out there and spread lies about me just like she lied to my family. Everyone thinking I was abusing her, it’s unfair. We also didn’t have sex at all in those 5 days even tho we showered together and she had talked about having sex the first night. So I had suspicions 

At the airport the last thing she said was “I’ll wait for you” idk why. After I flew home, we didn’t speak again. A month went by she wouldn’t talk to me. Then I get a call and at first she was checking on me cause she had seen some drunk vids of me and I was down bad. But halfway through the call it got mean and she just called to hurt my feelings. I saw her posted with another guy the other day…I’m devastated. Did 1000 things to me I would never do to her. Everybody says I dodged a bullet, but I lost my best friend. I’m not hurt cause she doesn’t want to be with me, im hurt because she promised me she’d come back. She meant the world to me, I thought we were in love. I feel like I have no value. 

Now, post breakup im just looking for closure and in talking to people I realize she has textbook BPD, severely. She had molded her personality to be what I wanted. She would love me one day and hate me the next, it was a constant cycle of ups and downs. I haven’t lost any love for her through all this…I want her to get the help she needs and come home.


Edit: Also learned during the visit she lied about her age when we initially met, I was under the impression she had turned 20 in march. When she told me, it seemed like a final fuck you tbh. She was out to hurt me that entire trip and I don’t understand why…I never gave her anything but love