I can't handle this anymore. I don't want this anymore. I'm done with all of it. My house is flea infested, has been for weeks, pest control showed up and said my house was too messy and then left. After me waiting 5 hours for them to show up. I can't shower because the bathroom is flea infested. Maybe it's been 2-3 weeks now since I've showered. No clothes to really change to. Went to a hotel with the last money I had left and got turned away because I had no id. Eating 5k calories+ a day because I'm so stressed. That's what I need right.. to get fat.. cuz that'll fucking help. Already hate my fucking body. I'm so fucking tired of everything. I think I'm gunna go soon. Having a lot of those thoughts lately. Haven't self harmed in months but I badly need to. I need this stress to go away. I want to die. So badly I want to. I have nothing. I need it. I need it all over I'm so tired of this life I need it all over desperately my hopes and dreams are pathetic I'll never achieve any of them so why not just let it all go