I’m 26 F and my story dates back to as long as I can remember. From pre-school till college I had been told that I worry too much about petty things. I always remember waking up with a stomach pain and diarrhoea for school. In 6th grade I was named as “Total Tension” in my class cause everyone told me that I worry too much. My mind worked in a certain order. For example, I would throw something in the dustbin and think to myself if it landed in the dustbin I won’t have a bad day today and if it did my day was going to suck. It’s just an example but this is how my brain would process things. Like I would try to find dumb reasons to justify whatever that’d be going on in my life. Fast forward to the time when my father passed away, I think I just wasn’t able to process it because I went to school right the next day and carried on with my life. Then it came to a point that it started hitting me, and that too, to an extent that I wasn’t able to function. I left my studies and everything else but I had a justification that I was taking care of my family. Deep down, I believed that I couldn’t do it. Now a few years later, I don’t know if I’m better or worse. But I always have a racing heart. I google every darn thing and I just fear that everything will go wrong and I’ll lose everything. My vision is greatly impacted over the past few years. And now it’s worsening even after a few months. My general physician, the one that I go for like checkups, told me that I looked like I have anxiety and depression and he even prescribed medication but those make me sleep the entire day and I don’t get out of the bed till night. Am I just sad or is there something wrong with me? Also, a few details to add:
My mind is mostly hazy.
I worry about the future a lot and sometimes I worry about the details of things too much that I just leave the entire thing altogether.
I think about people a lot.
I don’t particularly have hobbies anymore.
I try to go to the gym but I feel like it’s a waste trying to increase the years of my life.