First of all, I'm pretty sure I don't have PTSD, but I don't know what I have but I thought you guys would probably understand this more than I do.

So, sometimes there are certain things I come across or are around that when I come across kinda "trigger" me. And by trigger, I usually start feeling really anxious, depressed, bitter or something like that at the least. Usually along with these feelings, some unpleasant memories or thoughts come to mind. When things aren't that bad, I rarely get "triggered", but when things are kinda shitty, it's pretty common. Sometimes it gets really severe, to the point where I go extremely numb, these feelings and thoughts get really intense, and I kinda lose focus and can't really interpret my surroundings. Usually these are painful emotionally

Though one of these things that kinda "trigger" me has been bothering a lot lately.

A year or two ago, I had a crush on this one dude. Over time I lost feelings for him, but now he has become one of those things that can trigger me so to say. When life isn't that bad, I barely even notice him. But when things are pretty bad, I sometimes get really "triggered" by him, and it really bothers me thinking about it. I just want to get past him, but he reminds me of so much shit I just find it so hard to think or even look at him most times

Is this familiar with anyone? Does anyone understand this more than I do?

Also I know I sound like an idiot