Folks, I need advice, something, anything.

My husband and I have been married for nearly three years, and we’ve been long distance that whole time. In those three years, I’ve started my journey with counsellors, psychologists, and now DBT and will keep going for as long as is necessary. I always thought I had a mental illness, but upbringing, etc (you know how it goes) made it difficult to get seen to, up until three years ago. So, we’re on that journey now, great. 

It’s not been easy for my husband. It’s taken a long time, but now he’s 100% understanding, supportive, calls me out, willing to do the counselling, looks at this sub, it’s working. 

But.

I think we should divorce. Why? I’m so aware of how unstable I still am, how unfair this whole situation is on him. We had this blow out on Monday and it’s hit me how I can’t bare to be responsible for causing this carnage any more. Yes, I’m improving. Yes, our communication is getting better. Yes, we are still long distance for at least another 18 months, we both see that as necessary for our own growth and healing. 

Like, I can hurt myself and deal with my own shit, but when I do it to someone else my life falls apart. I absolutely love him for sure, however being responsible for him in regards to this harm I do is getting too much. I’m sure there’s more than one issue here, and I’ll discuss in therapy, but thanks in advance.