I'm not really sure what to say, but I feel compelled to say something. I've seen professionals and I have all the guidance numbers, but my mental state is evidently declining regardless.

The loneliness feels lonelier. The sadness feels sadder. All I can think about is how much I've lost and how much I care less and less about everything. I reach out to people, but I keep getting nothing from anyone until I lose them as well. 

Life feels long and hopeless. I want it to be over, but I know I should go on. I've made 43 attempts at ending my life in some way shape or form, but I just keep kicking. I don't know what keeps me here, but I want it to stop. 

I just want the sadness to go away.