I’ve been listening to the same song for about an hour over and over or so and I just feel strange. It’s not emptiness or sadness or happiness or anything.

I feel enlightened. Awakened. Alive. Ascended. I don’t know what it is. I don’t think I’m describing it well at all. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this way before. My family has a history of BPD and I wonder if I’m having some delusion of grandeur.

I want to explode. I want to shout. I don’t know what’s going on. I want to ask for help without seeming weird.

Maybe being awake at 4am is a bad idea when you’re alone with your thoughts.

If anyone wanted to know, the song was ‘Trying to feel alive’ - Porter Robinson.