I was supposed to start a new job today and I haven't heard from my new employer since July and all communication has been completely indirect and coming from someone else. I left my stable and extremely reliable job for a new opportunity and the anxiety that I made a mistake is unbearable and I don't know how to process it. 

I'm so angry with myself and those who assured me everything was going to work out. I'm so upset with those who said my worry was unnecessary and I was overreacting. I'm angry at those who invalidated my concern. But I am the most angry with myself for allowing myself to believe I had nothing to worry about despite feeling like I have very much to worry about.

I haven't been able to do anything the last couple of days but cry and feel like I've made a foolish mistake. I feel like I'm not worth a response, communication or even the consideration that my livelihood is at jeopardy because of this. 

I can't stop thinking about it. My mind is on repeat, going over how things could be different. Even when I manage to muster up the strength to focus on something else, I break down again, knowing that I just caused an enormous setback in my life. I now have no income, no insurance, no plan, and I'm in the middle of switching to a new industry with zero contacts or resources. I didn't have to leave my job. I had a great relationship with my boss. It paid comfortably. I was there for over 7 years. 

But I wanted to advance, I wanted to do more. I rarely take chances because I fear the unknown. I took a leap of faith and it completely destroyed my current state, validating all of the "irrational" anxiety I've been desperately trying to overcome. 

And those who I thought would be emotionally supportive  only minimized my fears and anxieties. Insisting everything will be alright when everything in fact isn't alright. Not taking into consideration the horrible state this situation has put me in. I worked so hard to try to not be anxious, I tried so hard to convince myself that the anxiety was irrational but here I am... Not working, not knowing what's going on, and completely filled with anxiety.