I don't know what flair I should be using but I need help !

I need help to take decisions and a decision and just understand what's happening in my life because I'm losing my fucking mind now .

My anxiety is extremely bad and sometimes I can't breathe can't even feel alive I can't express anything and I have no one to share anything with . I'm tired of hiding , pretending , faking and making it all seem fine .

So yes it's been over 4 years with anxiety 


2 years back I met a guy right after a bad breakup and terrible relationship . We both decided to talk and be friend's but he fell for me and I did for him and all that while we would say we love each other but the conversation always ended with we won't have a thing and let's not give it a name , nothing more will happen and that continued for 4 months . One day all of a sudden he came up to come and said we should stop saying I love you to each other and he doesn't feel anything and doesn't love me . I was hurt like crazy but I didn't respond because I literally couldn't understand anything that was happening and because I wasn't his girlfriend I couldn't even question or say anything . I help it back but bursted 2 time after that in a period of 5 months after that .

We would still talk and he would still tell me he wants me and he feels for me and i would start to feel special but he would say that once in a week when he is about to sleep and then suddenly after 1 month he would act like a Stanger and be like I don't love you . It kept happening and 2 weeks back it happened for the third time .

Everytime I call him at 11pm 1am 2am he is always busy on the phone and once I lost it and questioned but he said it's his friend which I don't believe but anyway he keeps saying I feel for you but don't love you and you can scream shout take out your frustrations on me and bla bla shit 

He doesn't call me , won't text me like when he calls he would say 2 words and sleep and when he texts it's literally one word and in 5-6 hours but he behaves like the nicest person and everything also that he cares so much for me 

Idk why I'm getting mad if he is talking to someone else all night , idk why I'm behaving like I love him I'm mad about him and can't live without him . It's effecting me , my health , my mind and work and everything else .


I can't understand what's even happening and how to get out of all of this or what to understand 

I decided many times to just stop talking for a while and not respond to any text or message 

But idk what to do I'm not able to decide anything

I love him but all that's happening isn't a good sign and this isn't someone I can have a future with

I have already wasted 2 years , I can't get hurt and be in this state anymore 

Please advice me something
Please help me out 
Please please please