I grew up in an abusive home with a mom (the abusive one) who had severe and untreated bpd.  I've spent most of my young adult life coming to terms with that and the other trauma that occurred while I was growing up.  One of my greatest fears has always been that I will grow up to be the kind of person my mother was.  

I have several friends who have also been diagnosed with BPD and I absolutely ADORE them.  I wouldn't change them or trade them in for anything in the world. I see the beauty in them and am so proud of all the hard work they have done to live and thrive despite their demons.

However, my therapist recently revealed to me that a clinician I used to work with suggested to him that I may have a personality disorder.  (Note: NOT asking for a diagnosis here, this part is just relevant to the story.)

I'm having so much inner conflict right now.  I am obsessing over this idea that despite all of my best effort and all the treatment I have received for the mental illness I ~have~ been diagnosed with....I have become my mother.  It makes me afraid of myself.  I'm sitting here thinking I'm a monster. 

I'm not even sure if this is the right sub, since technically I have not been diagnosed with the disorder and simply possess several "borderline traits."  (I flat out asked my therapist if he thought I met the diagnostic criteria.) I'm just feeling very scared and very alone.

Any advice on how to deal with this would be much appreciated. 

I also want to finish by saying that I do NOT by any means think any of YOU are like my mother, either.  She isn't even the same person she was when the inflicted that damage on me. 
You're all beautiful people. 