So I’m (24F) looking into what to do next with my life after taking a gap year that lasted longer than it should have due to Covid. I have been building up a portfolio and focusing on my online work during that gap year. I’m focusing more on going back to school but jobs are on the table too as a last resort. Emotionally and mentally I’m not ready for my first job yet, but I’ll apply if I can’t get into any courses. Part of why I’m thinking about this (but obviously not my main motive) is because my brother has been hinting that my mum is getting concerned again about my social life (she’s done this before). So she’ll probably bring it up again at some point.

On the one hand I don’t blame her. My social life doesn’t look normal from the outside. I’ve only been out of the house for roughly 50 days over the last ten months and all but one of my friends that I’ve put the effort into keeping in touch with are long distance/online ones. 

But on the other hand, that’s exactly how I like it. I enjoy being in my room as much as possible and talking to my friends in the afternoons/evenings when they get back from school/work. And it’s not like I’m just sitting on my ass doing nothing all day. I’m doing things that could eventually build up a portfolio relating to the lines of work I want to get in when I’m eventually ready. Not to mention I’ve made it clear that I’m readily available and more than happy to do any extra tasks/housework she needs me to do (besides any that are physically impossible for me). Plus to be honest, as much as I enjoy education, part of applying for colleges and universities just feels like an obligation just to get her off my back socially.

So how can I get her to understand that I’m fine with my current arrangement?

One other thing to preface. It’s not the lack of job/school part my mum cares about. Her top priority has always been that her kids are happy and healthy (especially since I’ve got multiple disabilities, including anxiety which I haven’t told her about and I’m taking to my grave). I’m really grateful that I have the opportunity to have this arrangement as it’s not a common one to be in. It’s not me being lazy but utilising the golden opportunity I’ve been given. Plus the Financial side also isn’t an issue, as due to my somewhat long list of disability, my Disability Living Allowance is above minimum wage, so I technically pay the bills. She just wants me out of the house more and I’m really not up for that. Plus to be honest she’s a bit of a hypocrite asking this of me when she lives on a farm and only leaves the house to buy groceries, the odd farm related thing and family events she can’t decline. She even talks about how animals are better than people and that she loves her life.