My relationship was finally stable. I was finally stable. I felt so numb, so apathetic, so depressed. I don’t think I’m depressed(ya know other than the self deprecating thoughts and the guilt driven safe harm) I think I’m just very episodically reactive. In any case, I’m a former obese person and I was finally at a healthyish weight and staying active. Once lexapro started i became a couch potato and couldn’t stop shoving food in my mouth. Gained some weight, couldn’t cum, felt numb. Just felt so out of it and at the same time triggered about the weight situation. Stable Self image is a hard one for me.

Now that I’m weaning off, I am feeling like It’s the only way that I can have a successful romantic relationship. I’m feeling like I have to choose between my relationship and feeling like myself. This is so hard. I feel like the world is falling apart. I haven’t felt like this since I started the meds. But I hate them so much.