"Did you block me?  I had a feeling I was blocked this weekend. haha"

My FP on Friday as we said goodbye told me "you should hit me up later, I'm not doing much".  It's a coworker who 'swears' we are personal friends, but funny how we only talk at work....  Over the past few months, I've opened up to him about my BPD.  I've had a couple black/white episodes with him so he knows how I can be.  Mostly, he knows blocking is what I do as a defense for feeling rejected.... anyway,  on Friday night I did text him... no response... then no response on Saturday.  Sunday a quick response that meant nothing.  I think I was more angry by that.  Here I spent the entire time hoping I would hear from him, wondering if maybe I missed a text, or call, or invitation.. But mostly I wondered why I just cant have any real friends... all because he didn't respond Friday night.....

Came in today, and there was a bit of awkwardness.  He asked if everything is going okay... I said it was fine and then repeated it when he asked again..

Then he made that comment (above) about me blocking him..  Minutes later and I am sitting here, hurt, and a little angry. I'm venting here.....

First, that's not cool to joke about.  I struggle with blocking.  On one hand, its a coping mechanism for me... out of sight, out of mind, and when I block I feel a bit in control.  But on the other hand, I hate that I even do it.  Makes me feel insane.  

And I'm angry that this 'friend' didn't even seem to care if it were true.  I regret opening up to him.   Guess I know not to be doing that.  

I only really had this one 'friend'... but in this moment, I don't think he was ever really a friend...