not in a self-grandeur type of way. i just feel like i cant explain myself to people because they wouldnt *get it*. i feel like no one on this planet has experienced suicidal ideation or depression like i do. when im asked to elaborate i hesitate as i know i wont be able to receive empathetic advice. 

ive tried a laundry list of medications and have ghosted all of my therapists across the years. nothing has worked. xanax weed blah blah blah they dont give me a happy feeling like other people describe. am i really a person? is this a  ttest of  some sort ? how do i pass i really want to pass and Feel human