I don't feel comfortable doing this, but I feel like I need to do something to help myself. 

I had an episode about 10 years ago. Hit rock bottom, went through therapy and picked myself up from rock bottom.

But ever since then, I have been working to improve on myself in so many aspects. Nothing has worked for me. I just feel so numb inside... I can't even remember the last time I was genuinely happy. I'm not at rock bottom, not in that state at all, but just in a constant state of numbness.. Can anyone relate? 

I've tried to stay positive through really tough family situations going on around me over the past 10 years.. But I fear its all building up inside again and I don't want that to happen as it did before.

I feel like I don't even know the real me. Sometimes I feel like I'm just an actor in different roles, but when the role is finished, it's back to that numbness. 

Any advice please?

(I don't really want to take medication &amp; don't want to do therapy again as I feel it won't be anything new)