When I become so enraged, I think it's called splitting, I beat people up (evil self) but when after beating up the person, mentally or physically, I don't remember a thing, I know I did it or the evil self who did but when I transition into my normal naive self, I feel guilty but I don't have to because that "evil self" took over my body, the evil self gave me the guilt tripping work to do but tbh I don't feel that guilty, I sympathize with the people my evil self hurt but somewhat I can't feel guiltuy because my good naive self didn't do it. I know it's confusing but I wish I could get a better diagnosis, I am grateful for my doctor now, taking medication however I'm scared of being triggered, it's either panic hyperventilating or evil self on the rise. I don't want to beat people up nor torturing myself. I have a journal and I let my good side and evil side communicate with each other because I can't remember the conversations, so I let them wrote (I'm writing in my good self point of view btw), and the bad side was like you're a scaredy cat you know that, you're too kind until you let people step on you and I told the evil self, that's wrong but apparently I felt weak because the evil self took over me, thus me, scared of losing control of my body just for a second from that evil self. I know what the evil self is capable of, it's nasty and beyond comprehension. I think it formed because of trauma and not dealing with it, she has this saviour complex of seeking revenge to those who've hurt us, yes us, I feel much better when I refer to both selves as us. Tbh, I haven't started DBT yet, I hope I do.