   
4/23/20 Something really strange happened to me, I think I was defeated like voices once and for all but whenever I think about it they come back a week later, although they are much less strong than they once were they still torment me, I got tired of them, and tiring, and suffocating, I want them to go away, I noticed over time that something that strengthens them and the lack of calm and logic, when I stay calm and think of logical answers they they weaken a lot, one thing that comes with them is the paranoia that makes me believe that in crazy fantasy, I’ve already found ways to deal with them but I’ve never found one that exterminates them once and for all, I’ve already met people who said they heard voices too, but as soon as I helped them with my techniques their voices disappeared forever, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I created a theory that the right part of the brain is fighting with the left (the left side and of course the right side and imagination, but the mine got out of control, I don’t think I should believe a theory without much evidence, believing in anything strengthens like voices), I don’t know how it all started, I don’t know why I as I have it, I did some research and it’s apparent mind if you have no mental illness they come because of a trauma, i don’t remember anything that keeps me going until today but i remember some things that scared me or that may have hurt me: the years of abuse social in the building, being born 6 months premature, I stuck my arm in the pool but he left in one piece, years and years seeing horror stories at just 6 years old, a weak perception of reality, not accepting the evil in the world and having to watch without being able to do anything, hoping to live an adventure just like TV, paranoia, believing in things that don't exist  . I know that if they find a weak point in me they will use it to their advantage, one thing I can't help talking about is Jack \[I created him to be more of a horror story based on that time when a pokemon episode caused an epileptic seizure in several children in Japan, but over time I transformed him into a kind of imaginary friend who gave me powers (he was not the first but the first died when I noticed that his powers didn’t work) the powers worked like this { if I snap my fingers they will change something in some alternative reality for the better that will change another and another until it gets to mine, it helped me to think that such a bad thing didn’t happen in such a movie because I blew my fingers, now you must to be thinking "it doesn’t happen, alternative realities don’t work like that" but then I got you because as nobody has ever traveled to a reality like the one Rick and Morty they are all we want the cat to be alive and dead at the same time if no one opens the box so the universe was what I wanted} but he started using it against me, he thought it irritated me he sabotaged me That's when I realized it was bad, so I stopped using the powers, something else related to him and that I believed that he could travel between realities and change what I wanted in them, that is, he could appear in the stories I heard (look, there were interesting examples but it’s not true) he could "hack the reality "and other things\] I don't remember everything but during the end of 2016 and 2017 it was very bad for me because I had no idea what was real and what was not, and I was also emo, {I think a good my definition in those years was that of a modern donkichote} that was very bad (I wanted to die, I didn’t find a sense to live, I thought the world was too rotten to live, I didn’t know if God existed or not but now I believe yes) anyway it sucked. 2018 I noticed everything and the voices were very weak, I accepted the lack of powers, Jack died, I gained respect at school, I learned to draw, I became furry      
I stopped believing in things that don't exist, I learned what it's like to feel romantic love, it was awesome. 2019 was very good too, almost as good as 2018, but it was even better mainly because I got a lot of knowledge and wrote down all the things that I thought were important as a person to me (everything is in the notebook with checkered cover) I became wise , although the voices got a little stronger with time.2020 barely started right and I wanted to stop it, to find something that would kill the voices once and for all, I discovered some things that I said earlier, like the relationship with traumas for example, i found that the first step to end the voices was to accept them as part of me, it works for a while but they always come back, i don’t know what to do anymore it’s almost a cycle: i think i won them come back I suffer after I win and I think they are gone forever. During the time that they were gone I realized that they held my potential that I had within me. They need to end, what do I do, what do I have?//////  Updated august / the voices are strong again and they are bothering me 24 hours a day, from time to time some old problems come and go, they compare me to absurd things, they make me procastinate, WHAT DO I DO? any suggestion or question should be put in the comments (this was all originally written in Portuguese and I just put everything on google translator so some things must be a little weird)    
DO NOT SHOW THIS TO ANYONE OUTSIDE THIS SUBREDDIT  i am afraid of this bring to  me unfoscreen consequences