So I am a 24 year old female, diagnosed with BPD caused by a traumatic, abusive past. It feels better to know what is actually going on with me after reading so much, before my diagnosis I was just blaming everything on the way I was eating, wasn’t exercising enough, my life is going in this direction because of reasons X, Y, Z and I’m just tortured emotionally because I deserve it and/or I did something wrong in the past or in a past life. I don’t know. This post is the first time I’m putting something out there about the hole that I have been in the past couple of days. I just hurt and feel the need to decay and feel like everyone would just be better off without me. I am traveling to Washington state this week in hopes of finding some proper help, and a fresh start. I just so fear failure and just hope I don’t reach out and find that my hands are too broken to grasp. 