Everyday I wake up thinking it might be different but then the same shit happens again. I feel like shit. I drive the people I love away. I hurt myself actively and subconsciously. I beat my arm and scratch away at my skin because I deserve to feel the pain. I’m getting so much closer to pulling that knife out and finally cutting myself. The only thing stopping me I knowing that my partner would find. Each night I’m in bed all I can think about is new ways to end my life. I’ve pushed nearly everyone away from my in the last year. I feel like I don’t have anyone to count on and I’m stuck in a viscous cycle of regret and pain. I need help but I won’t help myself. I put blame on other people, expelling them from my life and then getting resentful and hurt when they don’t chase after me. What the fuck is wrong with me?? I’m so sick of everything and I wish it would all end. One day I’m scared I’ll actually end it all and no one would even notice or care