I'm not really sure where to put this so here will do.

I'm one of those people who can't really remember much of their childhood - I'm sure it was perfectly fine and it's just my memory being poor, which it is ordinarily anyway, but it's not something I really think about much.

I vaguely remember being a very fearful child and recently remembered self harming when I was at least younger than 8 (we moved to a different house when I was that age) and having suicidal thoughts when I was 10. I remember for most of my childhood I sincerely believed that something was coming to get me. I had little mantras to keep me safe, for example, when I heard thudding in my ears, indicating I was tired, I would have to say 'no ones coming' out loud three times just to make myself feel safe because the thudding sounded like footsteps to me. 

I also had recurring nightmares when I was about 4 that my favourite doll would wake me up, transform into a friend, family member or teacher and take me out onto the landing where a woman would chase me. She'd push me down the stairs and once I reached the living room, a man would rape me. I only remembered having these dreams in the last few years or so and after laughing about it with a few friends of mine, I stopped and wondered why I was having dreams like that - not once but repeatedly. I remember it so vividly even though I was so young because I literally had it night after night.

When I was diagnosed with BPD I read up on it online and found out that it is believed to be related to childhood trauma. I believed that my childhood trauma stemmed from moving to a different town at the age of eight, being taken away from my friends/family and being bullied for the next eight years but now I'm not so sure. Other memories have begun to pop up recently though. I used to have another really strange recurring dream where parents would take kids to a hospital, literally to be sexually abused if they'd been bad. I remember thinking these operations would be painful etc, most of them including foreign objects. I was a little bit older at this point, maybe about 6 or 7. 

I don't know why I'm writing this really but it's been bothering me more and more recently. I just want to know if it's normal, I guess, to have been like this as a child. I don't think I was anymore knowledgable about sex than anyone else my age, for example, I was surprised when I discovered what semen was because prior to that I'd just believed people had sex until they got bored or tired. And I know the idea of repressed memories is an extremely dubious one. But there are so many blank spots in my memory and I was such an unhappy, scared child even though nothing seemingly scary or bad happened to me (I grew up in a middle class area where there were no drugs or violence anywhere). It just makes me wonder sometimes.

I suppose my question is - is that normal? Any of that? Or could have repressed memories? I definitely don't want to know what they are if I do and I should probably talk to my psychotherapist about my concerns, but before I do, I'd like your advice. Does anyone have experiences of repressed memories? Or had a normal childhood but still had dreams like this? 