I lived with my parents up until I turned 26-27 years old and I have been out on my own for about 3 years. 

My dad punched, beat me with a belt, and slapped me dozens of times throughout my childhood and into my early twenties while my mother did nothing to stop it. 

The fear of being beaten for my actions, and being shut down if I wanted to have a conversation about it brewed fear and anxiety in my life. 

My coping mechanism was to run. I’d stay out all day, come home at 8pm to avoid having to have a conversation with them in fear of being yelled at or beaten. I was scared. 

By now, there are certain triggers at work that put me into a flight mode. I ignored emails on Thursday and Friday, because my boss told me I need to do “something” minor which was like ensure I build communication with my team etc (paraphrasing). 

I blew this up, and now here I am days later still brewing over some missed email I didn’t respond to and feeling guilty and shameful for not doing something. 

It’s affected my performance, and now I have my computer up and I’m afraid to even look at my screen because I think there will be something bad on the other side. 

I feel awful inside right now, and I wish I could do something simple to overcome this anxiety.