I've spent the last year and a half or two years raging at my FP and telling her she's manipulated me and lied and led me on and all sorts of things. I can't for the life of me tell if I'm right or just being an abusive piece of shit 'cause she's not giving me what I want. When I have asked for what I want previously I have often been met with the response that she wants to but can't. And then she's still continued the relationship with me, occasionally dropping a sporadic "I miss you" or "I love you" and most of the time it makes me feel like she's manipulating me. Or maybe that's just what I tell myself to avoid her and potentially getting hurt. I don't know anymore. I am so confused... I'm not sure what I want with this post. Sometimes I feel suicidal because of how I end up hurting her. I feel so guilty sometimes.