What works for me doesn’t for everybody and I’m not condoning anyone to do this as well, I just want to share how I’ve come to this conclusion. 

lately I’ve been in this weird space but in a good way, I think. As someone who has completely given up, what helps me keep going is the timer I set up for myself. I’ve recently turned 18 and since I was 15 I’ve decided that I will end my life at 25. I get so much anxiety thinking about living till I’m even 50 and even more anxiety thinking about not doing the things I want to do before I die. My whole life has been and still is pretty shitty but I’ve learned that we walk this earth to experience human life; that includes the bad. People are so caught up on the idea that “it gets better” but it doesn’t until you realize that happiness doesn’t last. It’s a temporary feeling just like sadness, granted this is coming from someone who’s clearly depressed.

Also I’ve also realized that healthy human relationships is the key to living a fulfilling life. Not that being alone is bad but people need good relationships just as much as they need water to survive. Anyways, I don’t even know what I wanted to say in the beginning anymore lol just that I stopped looking for happiness and am now enjoying the little things (even the bad like having to wake up at 5am for school) but that still doesn’t mean I don’t despise living as I’ve given myself an expiration date