I'm so sick of the inconsistency. I'm up and down and all around. It's like a rollercoaster but worse because I can't get off. DBT only helps some. With recent events I've backslid on recovery quite a bit and have lost a lot of control I'd gained. I haven't used any drugs in days and still have been up now for going on two whole days. He helps. He comforts and assures me. But I think "how long until you leave" and I'm just exhausted. Mentally and physically. I don't even have the energy it would take to give up though. I need help. I'm drowning. But I'm too afraid to ask to be saved.