my mental illness is really kicking me in the rear and i’m trying really hard to do productive things but all i can seem to do is stare at my phone for hours until i go to bed. showering and brushing my teeth is hard and sometimes i forget one of them and i feel so gross. i feel lazy and like a terrible person all the time. i tried to start meditating but i just get distracted. i don’t know what to do anymore. my ap exam is happening within the next few months and i’m so behind on my work. i just miss feeling intelligent and successful. though i don’t really remember the last time i did. 