CW: kind of abuse in all aspects

My FP is toxic, borderline abusive. I have been with him for years and he’s got narcissistic traits and just exploits me. I like fully love his ass and would die for him. He likes me because we’re some level of friends and he can fulfill his weird sexual stuff with me.

This wasn’t really problematic until recently. He has been wanting to do something I really hate. I do it because I like him enough that I don’t care if it’s hurting me. 

He will not see me unless I do said thing. He hasn’t even seen me in like a year because of covid and he has health issues. 

Our relationship was best when he just had control over me and I lived a boring calculated life. Now that we’ve broken up and gotten together so many times, he doesn’t care enough to do that. He wants the control without any emotional work. How am I supposed to not talk to certain people when I barely have any friends and he neglects me for work?? He works 10-20 hours a day at a corporate job. 

I am torn because I cannot imagine my life without him but my friends hate him. I will not leave but I’m just sad it has to be like this... he won’t forgive me enough to have something normal. I have tried to leave numerous times and it never works.