everything in my life had always been chaotic; my childhood and even my teenage years. ive always moved from one place to another, i ended up going to 12 schools my whole life. growing up all these years ive had this rage inside of me that i never fully understood.. i also went thru a phase of being promiscuous after being raped, i was always in search of something, like a certain feeling of being understood, feeling safe and cared for, i thought by giving myself away and sleeping with every guy i was talking to and making myself available to them would make them want to be with me, listen to my story and stay with me during my bad days. after all these years everything started to feel pointless i shut down anyone that wants to connect with me, i immediately withdraw and think to myself imma just be taken advantage of in the end. lt was trauma after trauma, i also ended up having a miscarriage during college cause of stress from all of this.. ive been better the past year but i still cant open up myself to people without being reminded of my traumas.