My family loves talking in a hopeless tone. Stuff like "the world is only gonna get worse" and "next year will make this one look like a joke" are two of many variations of hopeless speeches i get pounded into my ears unwillingly. Walking into the living room is like drowning myself in hopelessness when i look at their depressing faces and their sorrowful voices. Nobody tries to sound cheerful or hopeful. It's just hopelessness, death, corruption, whatever. 

The world is going to shit? I can't really refute that now can i? Next year is gonna be worse? Probably. The world is going to go through harsher calamities and disasters? Fuck me then, why do i live anymore?

All the (little) energy that's left in my body evaporates and i just lose all hope in the future. If you lot are talking like the world's gonna end within 5 years, then what the hell is the point of anything?

I haven't had a chance to enjoy my life. Yet now that i'm actually trying to get myself out of the rut i'm in, i get put down by the thought that nothing will matter anyway, and that by the time i'm "healed" it'll all be too late. My obsession with the past just keeps getting worse. I would kill to reset time back to the 90's and have a second chance at life. What a mess.