I just graduated from high school recently and my parents said that they won’t be giving me any allowance anymore so I have to go to work. I knew this was going to happen, and it is understandable, I am turning 19 and it is time for me to support myself financially.

I was diagnosed was panic disorder two years ago, and I know that I am still not very stable, so I decided to work at a place where I thought I might be comfortable with. I used to have enrichment lessons at an academy when I was younger, so I decided to go back and teach. I was familiar with the teaching materials, and my current colleagues were my old teachers. I thought I would be fine and this would not trigger panic attacks. 

However, after two days of work, my anxiety is at an all time high. I think there are a lot of factors. There are much more work load than I had expected, and I felt like I have a lot of responsibilities as I am going to be teaching young kids. I heard that getting screamed at by parents is a common experience at the academy and I am very afraid. I am afraid that I won’t be able to do well in my job. I am afraid that my colleagues and boss will be disappointed in me. Beyond that I am afraid that the kids and parents will not trust me as I am new. I also have to go through training and test to get a certificate before I can teach officially. And I just keep thinking of how I might screw everything up.

I feel like crying everyday, and I want to talk to my parents about it but I don’t know how. I want to quit the job already but then that is escapism. I need to learn how to be strong myself I cannot depend on everyone forever. I feel so childish for feeling this way and I am already an adult.