I don’t think I’m normal, the way I feel waking up in the mornings sometimes. I am a 23/F and I’ve experienced a lot of loss in life. I am very alone but I keep it pushing everyday and fortunately I am popular enough of a person to contest to having many amazing friends who support me. Despite that, I wake up from my sleep scared. I’ll come to, opening my eyes and I see myself in a room unfamiliar. It’s my own bedroom but despite all my hand made and gifted belongings on the walls, I’ll have no recollection of anything being mine for a few seconds and it feels as though I am in some stranger’s place. With that sense of feeling completely lost, comes a deep and dark sadness I am terrified of. It’s a feeling of being so detached from everything and everyone that my soul is practically already dead. 

These mornings happen a few times a month and it shakes me to my core just how lonely my spirit is. I am a deeply spiritual person which is why it terrifies me even more just how my body and spirit can feel such emptiness and darkness. As I go throughout the day I can shake it, even as I’m writing this, the feelings have mostly passed. I can’t even touch just how empty and scary of a feeling I keep waking up with. I could surround myself with love interests or children of my own down the road but I don’t know if even that’s enough to work with this feeling. How does one’s spirit become so detached from this world when it’s so full of love to give?