For some background, I pretty recently got my diagnosis of bipolar 1 (it was about 2 months ago). It wasn't surprising however, because for awhile my doctors have speculated that I had an issue with mood. Before I had gotten a new psychiatrist they had suspected more of a bpd type issue, though, and were trying to treat me for that instead. That's why I've done dbt therapy twice (because it's a pretty solid treatment for bpd).

I started struggling about 3 years ago, and over time my problems with mental health have gotten increasingly worse. It's led me to going inpatient 4 times, outpatient 8 times (two of those times being outpatient dbt treatments), trying trauma based therapy and cbt multiple times, and visiting one rtc. I've had more psychiatrists than I can keep track of. For the past 3 years I've been consistently failing classes and having to repeat school. And  on top of this, ever since my recent residential stay I've been having WAY more frequent crying spells, panic attacks for no reason, and a really strong fear of connecting with people. It's gotten to the point where every person I know, be it therapist, family, or potential friend, I'll push away for fear they'll hurt me. I have no connection with anyone outside of my immediate family members.

Now, I've decided to quit my current php (it wasnt helping). Which means I have to go back to school. I'll have to attend for 30 days without missing so I can get an IEP, but my accommodations on my 504 plan aren't enough to keep me in class (I have severe issues with getting overwhelmed and anxiety, along with focus). Im able to take a PRN, but if I do I'll fall asleep in my classes. So IEP or not, I'm probably going to fail. I have no clue what to do from here, but things arent looking great.

TL;DR: My bipolar has led to my repeated hospitalization, failure in school, and inability to make connections. I have no idea what Im going to do anymore lmao.