I met this girl on tinder and we really hit it off and we dated for a few week. Two weeks ago we put our relationship on hold because she was starting emt school and she said “I’d still have time to text, call or FaceTime” so I said I’d wait the 6 months for her because she makes me feel really happy. Well in those two weeks she’s texted me maybe a total of 10 times? It’s pitiful. In the past 7 days she texted me on Saturday for about 10 minutes, we had a FaceTime on Tuesday for an hour til her phone died, she said she’d FaceTime me on Wednesday and she never texted me back until 2 hours ago on Saturday night and she completely ignored everything I said and just said “got chapter 6 done with 24 minutes to spare” and proceeded to send 2 more messages before leaving and presumably not texting me back for another few days. I can’t fucking handle it. How the fuck can you not make time to just TEXT someone back? I fooled myself into thinking she was soooo busy with life that her entire life was basically eat, work, school, repeat, but when we FaceTime on Tuesday she told me all about how she went to the firing range and how she did something with her sister and is going to get her nails done and that shattered the illusion in my head which was the only thing keeping me sane. This girl, who said I was her favorite person and was telling me how adorable I was and how much she liked me just a few weeks ago, now can’t even bother to text me once a day? I don’t understand. I feel like I’m being unreasonable because she was the one who wanted to put the relationship on hold because she knew she wouldn’t be able to provide what I needed, but goddamn a single ducking text a day? It takes you less than a minute to send a text, I know she’s on her phone at least once a day, how can you not send a text to the person you liked and dated and still claim to like? What the fuck is up with that? And it’s been two weeks and we only FaceTimed once and she called me one time for ten minutes as she was driving to work and I asked her if she could call me on the drives to and from work because what else could you be doing on a drive but she can’t even manage that. I can’t fucking do this, I can’t keep lying to myself that she cares about me when she clearly doesn’t. If she cared about me she’d text me more than once every three days. If she cared about me she’d try to make the relationship work. If she cared about me she’d let me visit. She lied. She lied and made me think that she had no free time but that’s not the case. She just doesn’t want to hang out with me. She has time to go to the firing range, she could surely find time to send me a single fucking text. I don’t know how long I can keep justifying putting myself through this. Yes she’s insanely cute. Yes she makes me happy. But she can’t even make the time for me to send a single text? How unimportant am I to her? Like, if you liked someone the least you could do is send one, just one text a day. That’s all I’m
Asking for, a single fucking text. It could literally be good morning or good night and that would make my day. But that’s too much for her. It’s too fur king much. I don’t understand. I feel like a horrible person for feeling like this. I don’t want to confront her and it’s not like I could anyways since I have absolutely zero fucking clue she even reads my messages because she never responds to them ever and I’m getting absolutely no feedback at all from this relationship. Feels like I’m talking to a brick wall when it’s over text, but even a brick wall could probably manage to send more text messages than she can. Why can’t I just find a girl who’s addicted to her phone like I am and always wants to be with me and makes me happy and likes me? I’m a teen in 2020 how the fuck are there people not addicted to their phones, it doesn’t make any sense. God I hate my life. My life is so unbelievably pathetic. One of my few friends and I were talking earlier and she asked “we always talk about my life, what’s going on in your life?” And I said that my life was in exciting and that I prefer to listen to her life and that’s the god honest truth. My life is such a snooze fest it’s unbelievable. And it’s all my fault too. I mean I could do something and take action but that takes effort. I’d rather die right now in mediocrity rather than put effort to improve my situation. Like what’s the point? Seriously, what is the point of life? The highs don’t make up for the lows in the slightest, so why do I drag myself through all this pain and suffering just to be ignored by the girl I thought would make me happy? All I want in this world is someone who would want to be with me no matter what and could provide affection and snuggles. That doesn’t seem like a pretty high bar to ask. But I make it impossible to reach because I don’t reach out to people and I stay in my little bubble and never want to talk to anyone because I’m always afraid of rejection and abandonment and I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere and no one except my friend Tomas or Amanda or Matilda actually reaches out to me and I always have to make the first move and I feel like we’re not really friends because if we were friends they would ask me to hang out instead of it always being me asking them. Is there something wrong with me? Is everyone just pretending to like me? If they liked me they’d talk to me or invite me to do things. I just don’t get it. There’s obviously so many things wrong with me but I’m not diagnosed with anything and my mom and my therapist both insist that I’m fine and just struggling with stuff right now but I swear to god I’m not find and I have undiagnosed mental illness but I don’t know what and I don’t want to claim I have bpd when I don’t because that would be rude to all of y’all with bpd that I’m thinking I have bpd just because I sometimes exhibit some of the symptoms. But since I’m not diagnosed it’s bad to say that. God I’m sorry I rambled so hard. I’m not even drunk or anything, In fact I’m very very sober and haven’t drank alcohol in a year I’m just sad and pathetic and alone on Saturday night like I have been for most of my life.