it’s just like one word or action can completely set me off and i’ll start crying about how much my friends hate me. even when im not having a full blown episode it’s like my subconscious gathers “proof” that they hate me 

whenever i try to talk about it to someone they say im being over dramatic and paranoid but it all feels so real to me so i never know if any of it is an actual problem or not 

like today i found out one of my close friends (we’ve been friends for over a year at this point) was telling someone that i was a huge gossiper and to not tell me anything. like he wasn’t joking and ive never told anyone a his secrets so i didn’t get it. but it hurt, now im positive he hates me and im scared he’ll tell me he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. even more so i feel like all my other friends see me as a gossip now and it hurts. i talked to someone else about it and they said it was lies and im just being overdramatic again

at this point im not sure if these are real problems or if my bpd is going out of control and making me feel like everyone despises me now. like if someone doesn’t open my text in less than a minute i start acting like it’s the end and they’ll never want to see or talk to me again 

i know a lot of this is bpd but with everything else i feel lost lol and if some of these are real problems it hurts to know that my friends are brushing it off

anyways rant over lmaoo bpd is fun and i love that it fucks with my logic and reason :)))