We both have BPD, so you can already imagine how it looks like. I am patient with her, and that is the problem. But what am I expected to do? Leave her alone to her vape and beer? Yell back and destroy my stuff? Say that I don't want to be a part of her life and I am just with her because I don't want to be alone?

Those are the things she did to me, but what did I do?

I stay.

This week, she said sorry for everything she did. Finally she puts herself in my shoes. I didn't say anything about it, she just suddenly realized what she has done.

And I said it's okay and we will work it out together.

I sense a lot of guilt from her, and she even push me away, said I deserve better and all that. It hurts me. To me, she's a wounded person, and I'm not a healer but I would stay because I know how it feels like to be left alone and misunderstood.

Although I know she was abusive, I understand her position. You know, BPD rage and all that. And recently she said she felt like she's cheating on me. Also adding to her guilt. We talked about it, and it's okay now. She's sleeping right now after we talk. Our talk always make her calm and fall asleep like a baby.

I tell myself not to think too much about losing her, losing myself, and my life. Just simply live one day at a time. And I'm also learning how to be the best partner for her. I don't want to be that person who becomes an ex and she would talk shit about me to people. I don't want to give her any reason to do that, if anything happen to us.

But as for now, she's happy, a bit depressed about life but happy that I stayed and we will work things out. And I? I finally feel heard. I ask her if I ever abusive to her, she said she can't think of anything. That alone makes me relieved that it's not me who caused the abuse.

I became more and more in love with this woman. Our communication is a lot better now. Can you imagine... Two people with BPD come together and accepting each others flaws and pain? I guess this is our definition of romantic.

I love her.