Today I went to the museum with my mother. It is something we both enjoy and try to do a lot of. And eventhough my bpd, avpd and depression make days hard I enjoy them. Today was lovely but stressful. I see so many lovely ladies and woman and it makes me intense lonely. 

I have quiet bpd and my most "peaceful" time was in my only relationship I had so far (41 years old now) and knowing that no one wants me breaks me up and triggers everything. 

I feel the urge to self harm again and I don't want to be here anymore. It just hurts....