I’m tired of living this way. Anxiety has ruined every single aspect of my entire life. I have become the laziest woman, wife and mother, I have the hardest time enjoying my children, taking care of my home, and doing anything besides random avoidance tasks or scrolling. My kids deserve a mom who is involved, excited for life, organized, maintains a good and peaceful home and who is capable of getting her life together. 

So instead of enjoying a relaxing bedtime I am once again lying down with chest pain trying every bullshit breathing and re-centering technique in the book that doesn’t help and never does. I am just feeling more and more hopeless and helpless day by day. I have my first appointment with a therapist on Thursday but I know day 1 is going to be filled with basic small talk and more encouragement to somehow muster up the motivation to “find joy through the day” or “get out and exercise” when in reality I cannot physically bring my lazy ass to do anything besides scroll and disassociate. Rant over.