So basically what it says in the title. I broke up with my partner (who I was living with) about a month ago and I’ve just been getting worse. The relationship was extremely toxic (physically/sexually/verbally) and he has violated me in ways that I never thought he would or that I never thought I would allow. He has been my only friend for the past 4 years which is how long we were together. I didn’t realize it at the time but my entire world revolves about him sometimes to the point where I just didn’t care about myself at all. He was my absolute favorite person.

Now however, I’m at the point where I am thinking over everything that happened in the relationship and how he treated me. Im not saying I was perfect but he took advantage of me so many times and I was just blind to it or just kept thinking it would get better. He’s trying to get back together with me and of course I still love him but I can’t shake all of the things that happened. It’s like a light bulb switched off in my head. 

It’s been extremely hard to process everything I’ve been through now that I’m single. I feel like he metaphorically “killed” my soul from everything he’s done. I feel completely damaged and useless. I have vivid fantasies of hurting him and getting revenge but a good amount of the time I just want to hurt myself. These thoughts are excessive and consume my mind everyday almost all day.