I (24 f ) met my current bf (23m) in the midst of a manic summer . We finally met up after about a week of exchanging mostly sexual conversation and pics on Snapchat after we matched on Tinder. To me , this was going to be just another meaningless hookup but we actually ended up connecting beyond physical attraction . We spent the rest of the night cuddling post sex in oxytocin-induced blissed and I blew him again before the cab I ordered him arrived . I fell asleep shortly after he left , with just a few hours before I had to get up and get ready for work . I ended up waking up with this newly formed crush on him , something I had become (or so I thought) immune to . 

We continued to chat periodically through out the day for a couple weeks before he admitted his feelings for me . I was ecstatic to know he felt the same , as I grew worried the extent of my strong feelings were only one-sided or that I was over-reading certain things. And of course I was also feeling a bit ridiculous as this is a complete stranger whom I’d just become absolutely infatuated with based on the similarities we shared with our world views , hobbies, dreams ,goals for the future, and our sexual compatibility . Basically I began to get that fuzzy feeling anytime I saw his name in my messages .We continued talking for months , with me sneaking him over at night throughout the week ( I live with family who are less than approving of fwb let alone a boyfriend spending the night ) and we began opening up more emotionally to each other in the process . 

We opened up about drug use , depression , our passions , past trauma , other self-destructive habits . He didn’t shy away from telling me he had been hurt so badly in the past that he didn’t believe he could care for someone again , without fear. I felt special , of course, and determined to prove myself worthy of his trust . 

I became aware of his relationship with his family , which wasn’t the greatest . He lives with his family still however isn’t exactly close with any of them . He explained to me he couldn’t go to them for financial help . He had recently quit a job because being carless, getting to it was costing more than was worth the paycheck . Knowing he wouldn’t have that much money in the meantime of applying for a new job , I would occasionally surprise him with lunch or dinner . 

Let me just state I would splurge on his favorite kinds of foods because I wanted him to feel special , and thought of . I hated the idea of him being hungry . He was appreciative . I even donated a substantial amount for him to purchase some software which would aid in him creating new beats for his music . 

I really didn’t have that kind of money . In reality I should have been saving it , as I went paycheck to paycheck in those months after my bills and rent and groceries . However , my lack of financial responsibility is another topic .

At this point, we have been dating for two months . We have each other on Twitter and Instagram and I noticed he had been liking sexually suggestive pics of girls he really didn’t know . I could see in the activity tab , it always seemed it would happen in bursts , leading me to believe he follows a lot of accounts of that nature . Models and whatnot wouldn’t bother me  but him giving that kind of attention to random local girls in our area didn’t feel great . I never brought it up until one morning I saw the same activity and just felt so blatantly disrespected . Like , no tact whatsoever . Just a bunch of the same type of content in a row from all different local girls I know aren’t his friends . For context , the previous week a relative became aware I was sneaking him into my room and kicked him out and I was ostracized from the family . They contemplated kicking me out , and he knew my living situation was less than pleasant after that point . So seeing this was beyond irritating and I confronted him , admittedly out of the blue . First thing I messaged him that morning was that I couldn’t believe he would continue giving other females that kind of attention while I’m over here wondering if I’m even going to have somewhere to live. I was so hurt by his actions. I felt alone , and like I sacrificed a lot for someone who couldn’t be considerate enough to refrain from broadcasting his ogling of other women online while I struggled at home after the fallout with my family , pretty much being socially disowned, because I chose to sneak him over. I am well aware that was my fault and that I took that risk but to give so much support to someone and feel little reciprocation , that was like the final straw. 

His reaction at first was unsettling . He questioned if that was what I was “ tripping “ over in fact . But then he apologized and saw it from my perspective . I felt terrible as I never want to be controlling , however that conflicted with my need to express when something bothers me and that very much did given the circumstances . He said he didn’t realize it would hurt my feelings but he understood and that he wouldn’t do that if it really hurt me. 

I forgive him and we continue our “ relationship “ now wishing we could sleep together again as there’s no chance he could ever come to my house again to spend the night . I fear he will grow tired due to lack of physical satisfaction , and honestly texting just can not compare to being face to face. However it seems we only grow closer . We appreciate talking more and everything seems fine with us . 

Fast forward a few weeks later , he seems a bit distant . Barely saying much when he replies . He informs he is just stressed , as he owes some guy money and hasn’t gotten paid back by someone who owes him ... I empathize for him and I wish to help , but at that point I literally don’t even have money for myself to spend as I’ve budgeted it away for bills and my upcoming singing lessons . I feel terrible not asking what I can do to help but realistically I know I cannot so I merely reply something along the lines of I’m sorry and that I hope he can come up with the money somehow . 

The next day he informs me he’s even more stressed as he’s gone to a pawn shop and still has not been able to come up with the full amount . I’m having dinner so I don’t reply immediately . I go back to my phone and see that he’s said good bye for the day . I inquire why I’m detecting a tone in his responses to me. He then proceeds to accuse me of not being there and not caring about his situation . He basically begins pushing me away . I am incredibly baffled and have no idea how to react. I attempt to call him to put an end to to texting confusion but I am sent straight to voicemail . He says he doesn’t want to talk and to leave him alone . I am now reduced to tears , as I can’t comprehend why I am receiving such cruel treatment seemingly so easily . I ask him what I have done wrong . He then begins to apologize explaining he’s just taken his stress and anger out on me as I’m the only one he is close to , aside from his friends . I’m the only one he talks to all day , he says . I am hurt but trying to reason with him . However , I cannot get over the fact that he was so cold to me when I have been nothing but considerate of him . And then I thought about him telling me I was “ tripping “ when I was actually hurt over the Instagram thing . It really did not sit well with me at all , and the fact I was trying to repress my own  growing outrage was getting on my nerves. So it basically surfaced when I told him I would never be good enough for him. I said this because I have done nothing but try to consider his feelings and be a supportive girlfriend as much as I could and I was still getting treated as though I were disposable , able to be tossed on a whim as he just tried to do . I said he would probably find better compatibility with the girls he likes on Instagram . Admittedly total immature but in the moment felt so great to say as I was under the impression the types of girls he was giving online validation to seemed more of the type to finesse him than to give to him . Then he argued that I didn’t trust him . And if I really don’t think I’m good enough then there was nothing he could do to convince me I was . Basically he was mad at me for being mad at him , after he blew up on me . I’m not sure if that’s gaslighting . It’s hard to fault others when you’re cursed with empathy and can force yourself into their shoes and get behind their reasoning. 

The whole argument was never truly resolved . We just kind of changed the subject as, underneath it all, we both didn’t want to stop talking with one another . I put my hurt aside , and I think we mutually complained about this point in our lives lol, what with existential crisis and financial instability . 

The next day he let me know that he was able to come up with most of the money . I asked how much more was needed. I ended up using the money I budgeted for my voice lessons to help him clear the debt . 

Fast forward to 4 months total of us dating , present day . He still hasn’t landed a job . I still have to sneak around to ever see him . I genuinely care about him . I’ve spent more on him than I’ve spent on myself . I want to motivate him to do better but I don’t even feel like I’m doing all that great myself . I guess i just need to know if any one else has been in such a position , or if anyone could offer advice . I just need some direction . Thank you for the time it took to read this in its entirety . Can anyone relate?