i wish i could explain how i feel with words. i wish i could give a little more context to why i’m feeling so heartbroken right now. but like usual, it ends up being whatever is the current root of why i’m feeling so lost and sad in ADDITION to literally everything else—but i can’t explain it. it’s like a black scribble or a looming raincloud. this post makes no sense. i wish i could make all this make sense to someone or just make it make sense in words even if just to me. i hate feeling loved and wanted one day and the switch flipping and feeling unwanted and unloved. i hate literally being so alone when i’m “not really alone” and have my best friend in the whole world who i can’t handle or wrap my head around when they don’t want me or want to be around me like they just did the day before or a few hours ago. i wish my mom and i had a good and stable relationship. i miss my hometown that I haven’t been able to go back to in 6 1/2 years. i’m sad about how there are some people and animals that have been so important to my life that i will never see again because they’re dead now or because i’ve lost all contact and whatever relationship was there. i’m sad that i bust my ass so hard for all the things i love and all my passions and constantly have bad luck. i have absolutely no idea what i’m getting at or what i’m trying to say because as always i can’t ever find the right words. this post makes no sense. i am trying so so hard doing the best that i can. i don’t even know exactly what it is that i want, i just know at the very least i want to never ever doubt that i am wanted and loved. i’m more than all the shit looming over and around me and inside my head all the time. at least i think i am. i’m funny and friendly and an adrenaline junkie and i love animals and music and helping people and being outside and exploring new places and going on adventures. i am more than all this darkness and doubt and sadness and confusion and pain. everyone feeling this way should know that they are MORE than all of this. sorry this post makes no sense. i hope maybe this word mess helps someone else feel less alone