Every day, I (20M) struggle with catastrophic thinking and anxiety. It can range from general paranoia about people hating me and my girlfriend cheating on me, to extreme anxiety that someone is going to break into my house at night and harm me. I can sit in public and suddenly these thoughts pop up and I get physical symptoms of anxiety like shaking, sweating and my heart beats faster, but they mostly pop up when I'm alone. This affects my daily life and relationships, to the point that I'm starting to doubt my own reality. I'm having a hard time sorting out what things are worthy and rational to worry about, and what things are irrational to worry about. I can kind of think "there's no reason anyone would do this to me/think this way about me", but I can not fully believe in it. There's a constant feedback loop in my head.

I know this is anxiety, but I'm starting to wonder if there is something more to it. I am diagnosed with autism and ADHD but it just doesn't feel like those disorders have anything to do with this. I have several trauma experiences from my childhood up to my adolescence (witnessing and experiencing physical and emotional child abuse, bullying). Could that have anything to do with this? I have felt a little bit of similar thoughts when I was little, but that was clearly connected to my autism and not feeling connected to anyone. It got much, much worse back in 2018, and I can connect it to a traumatic experience that happened at the same time. But now in 2022, it is the worst it has ever been. I am feeling confused, hopeless, and I'm even beginning to feel suicidal. Nothing particular has happened neither this year or last year. Maybe some relationship problems that have been fully or partly solvable, but nothing more.

Today, after an argument with my girlfriend, I decided to seek help. I reached out to a psychologist hoping to be able to book an appointment with minimal waiting time. So you don't need to tell me to seek help. It's in progress. But if anyone would want to try to help me figure out why and how this has gotten worse and how I can try to manage it in a good way in the meantime, it would be much appreciated. What mostly is needed right now are tips on how to not start arguments with my girlfriend when I'm feeling paranoia surrounding her loyalty, as that is what majorly affects our relationship. Feel free to ask me questions if you need more context to help me.