i’m finally getting into therapy next week, but i feel like my BPD is too bad to fix. i’m using all of my coping skills, i’m journaling, doing my DBT workbook, getting out and socializing with my boyfriend and his friends. i have 2 friends left. one is very distant though. i’m pushing everyone away because i’m scared of getting so hurt again. i’ve hurt everyone i car about by burdening them with my existence. i’m not okay and i want everything and everyone to push me away so i don’t do it to myself again. i’m tired of it. life fucking sucks and it’s not even my fault. FUCK childhood trauma i’m so sick of being like this i want to just get away. i’m tired of constantly comparing myself to people i will never be and tearing myself down for what they have and i don’t. i’m so done i am so lost and drained. my boyfriend said i have exhausted him and i’m afraid i’ve exhausted myself. i don’t want to live. i hurt everyone when i open up. i’m so fucking sick of acting like i’m okay for the sake of my relationship. i love him but i can’t open up anymore without being afraid that i am too much to handle. god just make it stop