I try to envision myself in a happy life. with my partner, a house, car, you know all that stuff. the life I wish I could just teleport into. I can't see it happening. I don't even see me getting anywhere somewhat successful. I see my death. and people being upset about it but they wouldn't understand that I'm not meant for the world as it is. it's not that I don't wanna be alive, I just wanna be in a better reality with the people and things i need the most.