lol i am so fucking scared that my gf might break up with me.
i am having major breakdowns anytime i think about that, we're in a long distance relationship and she started working a while ago, she has less time for me and we talk so much less than before.
yesterday i had a huuuuge mbd, my therapist called for our session via skype while i was bleeding out on the floor, crying, drunk (i drank a whole bottle of straight vodka) and she made me sign a contract in which i state that i will not kms. 
i literally feelnlike dying, how do you cope with this? the only thing that makes me feel better is getting drunk on a daily basis and then cutting and hurting myself until i become numb and feel basically nothing, because that's it. all or nothing. i either feel intense joy and euphoria or i wanna fucking die, sometimes i feel nothing and that's way better than feeling everything this much. 
i just can't cope with people walking away from me, i am tired of idealizing them in my head, i am so fucking delusional, can i even feel love or is it just obsession? i am just so tired i literally have no tears left to cry.
fun fact is,  i should be this sad over other things, my mon found out im lesbian and she basically doesn't want me anymore, i am moving out, i am leaving my whole fucking life behind because even my parents abandoned me and i feel like it's my fault. if i was better maybe i wouldnt be this fucking alone, right?
but also... is it the end of the world? i mean, if my girlfriend breaks up with me will i survive? please, i sound pathetic but i need reassurance