I don’t know why I bother trying to stop cutting, like I end up feeling more depressed when I don’t cut like it builds up and then when I cut again I end up feeling a bit better and when I stop cutting again I just feel even worse again if that makes any sense…

Like and also whenever I do something to keep my mind off things like watch a show or something I end up feeling really shit, like how can doing something to try and make me happy make me more depressed? Like I am never really “happy” but like when I start to feel some sort of happiness it just reminds me that I don’t deserve to be happy and I feel even more shit, like what can I do if literally things that should make me happy just make me more depressed?