I'm a 21 years old college student who has been suffered from depression since high school. Being closeted also took a part of my bad mental health. Lately I've been feeling so bad that i can't even do my daily routine properly anymore. I have no motivation, no lust for life and no passion about anything. I feel like a human being without feelings. All i feel is numbness. My love life is so unstable that i get attached to everyone i meet with. I feel so bad when I'm deprived of their attention. Also i realized that depression made me make bad decisions such as not balancing my money, emotional eating and etc. I fulfill my sadness by spending my money like buying books as if i don't have any other unread books in my shelf and eating food to make myself feel okay for a moment. I'm not sure if taking meds will lead me to a good path. My family doesn't want me to take meds because they think it will make me numb, but I'm numb already. I don't feel anything.