recently i watched some true crime videos on tiktok, and it really triggered me, enough that i called my therapist and had an emergency session. whenever i hear about murder or people hurting people i get constant intrusive thoughts to hurt someone, nobody specific that i know, just random imaginary people. my intrusive thoughts are very visual, and i used to call them visions (because i thought the intrusive thoughts were showing me potential futures) until doctors told me i was faking it simply bc i used the word visions. so i experience intrusive thoughts that include all five senses, it’s like i’m shifted to another plane of existence but i’m existing in both at the same time and they’re both happening. so when i get intrusive homicidal thoughts, i freak out and want to hurt or off myself so i am unable to hurt anyone else. i KNOW this is triggering me but i want to watch more true crime videos. does anyone else constantly self sabotage themselves? i got out of the hospital for the 8th time in december and i don’t want to go back but i know if i watch more true crime i’ll try to off myself and end up in the hospital. should i call my local crisis line tonight? idk. i’m marking this as nsfw bc of the mentions of murder