i am going to write this out to the best of my ability, everything in my mind is still hazy since everything is so fresh. Sorry it’s so long :/ 

I (20F) dated a guy (21M) for about 11 months, broke up for 9 months, i reached out and we ended up dating again for about 5 months and we just split about 3 days ago. i want to start by saying i am not officially diagnosed but i meet almost all the symptoms, if not a mood disorder (whether it be bipolar or blpd). i have never ever been the perfect partner. I started a lot of arguments, dragged things on for too long and definitely cried and made him cry sometimes as well. he was so loving and caring and kind and i felt like he was the perfect guy. again, i really want to express that i’m taking accountability for my actions and how they hurt him. i’ve apologized to him multiple times, called once or twice and he had chosen to ignore me. 

again, we argue a lot. i don’t know how else to express to him that also didn’t want to fight, or argue or cry. i never wanted to make him feel any negative feelings, i just couldn’t really make him understand BPD. 

So the night before we broke up I came over to his house and we began to talk in the car, his first words to me being, “You need to learn to treat people the way you want to be treated,” and followed that up with expressing how unkind i had been to him, and that the arguments i started are all stupid. he also mentioned that he understands I have trust issues but that he isn’t the men that hurt me / he’s not going to cheat on me / etc. Also he included that “every morning that he woke up, he was anxious because of me, because he thought we would argue and there would be backlash. We argued a bit more until we decided to just go upstairs and go to sleep, and he finished the conversation but saying that he does trust me. In the middle of the night we both woke up and had passionate sex. The next morning I was asking a few questions about helping with his mental health (he is also depressed) when he replied, “talk kindly to me.” it broke my heart as again i don’t want to hurt him, so i said “is all the arguing making you love me less?” he hesitated and answered with an, “I don’t know.” I began to cry and left after telling him I loved him. 

I’ve been extremely upset over the past two days, feeling guilt for making him hurt. any advice/words/opinions would be appreciated. I cannot help but to keep blaming myself for the break up and for hurting him.