I said some really shitty things to her. There are some things in our relationship that she is insecure about. So this morning when she started getting snappy with me for no reason, of course I lashed out and brought up those insecurities and probably confirmed them in her mind. 

Nothing I said is true, I really don’t feel that way. But of course she doesn’t believe me. She said I’ve disrespected her more than she’s ever been in her life and I can’t fucking handle it. She’s my best friend, my soul mate, the only one who stays and can put up with my shit personality and I think I’ve finally pushed her away. Just another bridge I’ve burned. 

I’m not sure what to do right now. I feel like I want to run away or jump off a bridge or both. I just can’t imagine life without her and I’m trying not to talk to her because I don’t want her to feel guilty for being upset. I’m just so suicidal right now and I can’t stop crying. Why am I such an idiot and say dumb things that I don’t mean when I’m mad. 

