whatever bpd consists of, whether it be childhood trauma, emptiness, loneliness, i can feel it eating me alive. i genuinely feel worn down psychically from the amount of pain i’m in. i can feel every single traumatic thing that’s ever happened to me in my life at once. i want to die but i’m too much of a coward. i have no idea what to do, i am just rotting away. i have a date tomorrow with a guy i just met and the thought of it being someone who isn’t my fp makes me want to vomit. but i know i’ll never get over my fp if i don’t give other people a chance. i’m living in hell, this is hell.