I love my GF to death, we've been mostly dating for approaching two years now. She's the reason I get up in the morning and why I haven't left. However, i'm the one with BPD, and things get nasty in our texts when my brain goes haywire. Because of this, she's grown to get bored of me, and even gone so far as to accuse me of verbal abuse... I haven't done any such thing on purpose (subconsciously absolutely).

I have no immediate way to fix my bpd (can't get meds or therapy atm). I really hate having my bpd trigger all the time, how do i help fix or disarm it when me and my so are talking? She's lost all trust in me and i feel like she's gaslighting me at this point with everything she says