My life has always been shitty. This year been rough for me as someone who started college last fall. I have always been stuck with depression and it will always come back in a more greater force each time. My last gf I broke up with due to her being toxic but I was blamed for all of it and stuff has just been down hill some up hill things. I met my new gf in December and I truly love her dearly but now I feel things aren’t the same. We still love each other but like I feel like I get mad at her for no reason like my brain tells me I should be made but Ik personally I shouldn’t. My parents haven’t been great to me. For some context they have always brought me down as someone who came from an asian house hold they always want me to to be the best but they never really give a damn. If I fail they will just be upset at me and hate me. In February I got kicked out of the house by them and was told they I am not their son anymore and I should not see them anymore. I lived with my gf at the time who I just known for two months and things been rough but she helped me. Fast forward now I live with my friends and I don’t get to see my gf that much. I honestly finished everything I wanted to do with my life that I feel content with dying. I don’t want to start anything new I just want to go sleep and not wake up. But I feel like that’s selfish to me. I feel like I will ruin my gf the most and my friends if I go away. Idk what to do anymore I honestly just want to die. I don’t have a plan but I just want to disappear and no exist. I had a couple fucked up thoughts this week like what if I just disappear then kill myself so no one will know I actually died. I just want to be at peace with myself. I feel like I have to always fight over for this body with my other emits or ig my other selfs. I have had a lot of trauma as a kid and in highschool. Life is rough I just hate myself the most because I will never be truly happy