I have trouble being happy alone. I just don't want to be alone with that negative demon in my head that drains all energy or motivation to be self productive I've ever had 

I'm always watching what others are doing and feel inferior . I'm always wondering what my bf is doing. Why he hasnt text. This wasn't as bad when I was in school as I was too busy to think about him much unless directly with him. It was healthier. But now it's summer and I have no friends, no job yet and not much to do.

I get discouraged easily. I got into drawing and my NPD mom scoffed at me because she prefers when I'm an emotionless robotic always wrapped up in my phone. She is the root of my BPD and I have not drawn since. I was also reading a book called " no absent god" and I noticed the cover was torn. She goes through my things. I mean don't believe in God whatever but that's MY stuff. So rude . 

I can't wait to move out. How do I retain the self confidence and motivation to move out and better my situation with BPD?