So I was diagnosed with BPD, quiet type, about 4 months ago. I have struggled since I was 11 with SH, depression, anxiety, obsessiveness, never been able to keep friends and never been in a romantic relationship because whats the point, everyone will leave me. I'm 26 now. I have been through numerous treatments in the past 15 years, hospitalized, been on at least 20 different medications. I've done transcranial magnetic stimulation, 45 sessions. Group therapy. I'm currently in a 6-month DBT group. 

And I just can't anymore. I have one friend and she barely ever responds to me. All the pills have made me gain so much weight that I can't lose no matter how much I diet and exercise and I can't stand looking at myself. I have a job but everyone here hates me. And that's not a cognitive distortion, one of my co-workers literally wrote it on her performance review. My family hates me and never even talks to me except to ask me for money or to do things for them. All I try to do is help everyone. I want everyone around me to be happy. I want things to be perfect for them. But it doesn't matter, does it? 

Anyway. I don't know why I'm posting this.