- Depression/Anxiety sufferer for 10+ years
- On Venlafaxine (Effexor) 262mg

I am 24 and since the age of 12 i've had incredible mood swings, bouts of depression and horrible anxiety. I have been in and out of psychiatry and psychology to be told "It's a phase, she'll grow out of it" etc. So within the last year and a half I have been on this medication which has slowly been increasing and although I feel like it's helped with some elements, it hasn't done a lot overall. 

I told my psychiatrist the full truth about everything, and usual they told me "Welp, i'm not a psychologist, we'll up your drugs." Also I love the NHS, I understand why the mental health services are straining. So if i'm not a "severe case", then i'm just going to be pushed at the back of the line. 

I guess it's not severe because I just don't openly call hotlines whenever i'm self harming or suicidal. I have also turned my obvious self harming habits into less obvious ones to outsiders. 

- Separated parents who live in the same house
- Both have childhood trauma, ptsd and other mental health issues
- Neither will accept it and get necessary treatment
- I struggle to keep friends, because I just don't know fucking how
- Easy to just make male friends that come and go
- If I find a male friend I will end up just constantly talking to them when I feel down/horrible. Which ends up playing on my anxiety lots and then I never talk to them again
- Currently in an online relationship with a guy i've never met who is promising me lots
- I'm not sexual so I am just longing for genuine love and care

I might be ranting anonymously on reddit because I don't have anywhere else to go at the moment. I am awaiting therapy because I am on a waiting list, i've used up all my friends, so they've heard the same shit story all the time. Do I really help myself? No. Not really. 

- There's a lot more, but I feel kinda stupid now.