A few years ago, a friend with some complicated mental health/family issues called to hang out. We'd slept together once before, but it was "mutually unsatisfying" and we agreed that once was enough. 

I told him I'd just taken a Klonopin and was a little out of it, but if he needed company he could come over until I fell asleep. He came over, we sat in my bed, eventually we started kissing until I started falling asleep and then I told him he could sleep over but couldn't touch me. 

All I remember is waking up throughout the night to push him off me, and waking up in the morning without him - and with two used condoms in the trash. 

He called me incessantly until I blocked him everywhere, and even though I live in a small city and we're in the same "scene,"  I've only seen him twice in nearly 3 years - until today.

I'm so angry. My dad is dying of cancer and I'm ANGRY. I have an anger I can't shake - and though I rarely think of this guy, Boaz, this morning I thought about calling him. Just to scream. 

I've been raped since then, and with that guy I'm in an ongoing dialogue in my mind. Boaz, though, lives in a very dark and unvisited corner of my psyche. 

So, this morning I was waiting for the bus, and he walked past me. All I could do was stare and wait - but I got nothing. 

He looked over my shoulder and kept walking. 

I didn't know what to do. Do I scream? Do I chase him? Do I call my therapist? Do I cry?

I did nothing except get on the bus, open the Reddit app, and tell you guys. 

I've gained and lost and gained and lost weight since 2014, changed my style drastically, added tattoos and switched up my glasses - but my eyes and nose and lips are the same. 

And this fucker, whose elbows I could recognize in a crowd, had no idea who I was. 

All this time I've been wondering what he thinks about that night, and if it torments him like it torments me, and how he lives with himself. 

Guess he's getting along just fine. 

(edited: replaced ? with ,)