Last night I had easily the worst mental episode of my life.

I am a 22 year old male with a history of depression and anxiety.

Yesterday marked day two of missing my medication due to my inability to handle things as an adult and failing to request a refill prior to running out.


I slept for roughly 8 hours until near midnight, upon waking up my girlfriend and I decided to get food. While getting food I could feel this pressure building and felt that I started to cry at one point but no tears were falling. Just simply emotions trying to break out of my body but with no success.

Fast forward to when we have eaten and things are settled down, my puppy decides to push her luck and continually whine and scratch to try and get out of her crate even though it is her bedtime and she is fully aware that she sleeps in the crate (we are working on letting her sleep outside of it but that is unrelated)


Something about that dug under my skin, not lightly either, there was a rage that came over me, suddenly I exploded, I screamed at the dog and it startled everyone and when my girlfriend told me I need to calm down I sprinted into my bedroom forced myself into the covers and screamed as loud as I could multiple times, it felt like years of rage trying to fight their way out. I tried bashing my head just to feel something, thrashing about I began to sob, I felt so disgusted with myself.

At this point while sobbing I kept muttering things like “I am a waste” or “If you weren’t here I don’t know if I would be alive” I realistically felt I would have severely injured myself if not for my girlfriend being around.


I’m terrified, I feel no catharsis today as if it relieves any stress. I have a mental health evaluation in early October but I am scared every day that I am going to have a breakdown like this.

What do I do?