rant upcoming:

 both of my partners say that they don't really want to be around me right now, and they don't want to be involved with me sexually, and they don't think that they feel romantically interested in me anymore. the last few months have been a rollercoaster of emotions (breakup, financial stress, health issues due to anorexia, relationship issues) and they're both so done with me that they're pulling away but i'm clinging so hard because i'm so scared that i'm going to lose them both and i can't seem to get it together long enough to fix anything. so right now i'm drunk on the kitchen floor sobbing while my two partners and their partner are fucking upstairs and i really want to die just a little bit right now. i barely have anyone to reach out to and i just want to be held, and i want to be held because the person actually wants to be with me and not just because they pity me and is that really so much to ask for?

i'm just so, so scared and feel so very alone and i'm not handling any of this well at all and i know it's making things worse but i don't know how to change how i feel right now