I don't know how to cope with self destructive coping mechanisms in the face of worsening family, professional, financial, and social situations. It feels like the world is closing in. Even when the going is relatively stable, I lack the energy to address things and just want to escape. It makes it so much harder now.

I feel powerless to change anything in any substantial way that may benefit my life. Even when I do those things and genuinely feel better for it, it typically puts me in a very uncomfortable place mentally and I force it to destabilize. It's almost as if my body enjoys keeping me depressed.

I hate how comfortable depression can be sometimes, for how unbearable it is too.

I'm so tired