We stopped talking over a year ago, and up until last year I'd sometimes look through her social media to see if she missed me or still thinks about me or anything (I know, lame). She didn't. I'd feel so jealous that she was moving on and tossed aside what we had like it was nothing.

Honestly, most of that jealousy came from the way she kept her head up and worked on herself and actively improved her life, which is what I never could do. I've always struggled (and kinda still do) with making myself a better person and setting goals and all that.

But anyways, it's been months since I stalked her social media, but a few days ago after I hit a low, she came to my mind and I couldn't help it. But I was surprised that I no longer felt the jealousy of her seeming happier, or the resentment of her cutting me off the way she did.

All I felt was contentment, really. I don't hate her. I'm glad that she's moved on, and I'm proud of the career moves she's making. I guess a little part of me still regrets not fighting for her more, but I can't beat myself up about it because I was really struggling at the time and didn't have the energy for much - and I do understand she was dealing with her own problems and didn't want to be dragged down by me.

Anyways, I thought this was a small victory. I might not in a great place but I'm definitely better than I was 2 years ago, even one year ago, and as much as I still cringe at the dumb past mistakes I have to realize that if I never move on I'll never better my situation.