I have worked so hard this last year through to the summer to feel better. I was in the worst place in my life last fall. Not just my mind but relationships, housing, work, etc.. and I got so much better because I finally pushed harder then I ever had. I proved my worth and ability to be happy so much I never thought I'd see. But I just lost my home this month because of a very terrible landlord. I'm 22. And it has brought everything up that has ever hurt me to my mind all at once. And it's crippling. I mean. I'm applying for work again after having to quit because I needed to move into my aunts after losing my home , I signed back up for therapy and plan on really getting down to every detail to start healing all this fucking trauma since I was a kid. But I'm drowning. I've never felt so empty. I don't really know who I am anymore. Classically feeling like I don't want to die. But I don't want to live this life right now either. I know it's my journey and I'm strong or whatever but everything is letting me down more and more as I keep trying my best. Trying to do what I can to keep my shit togeather. And take care of my self. But I can't feel much lately. And it's scaring me. I'm not sure if I'm just processing finally my whole life and realizing how much shit I've just gone through and put aside as "that was awful, but not the end of the world. I'll be okay" it was all self delusion. I'm not okay. I feel so empty. I'm not thinking of hurting my own self but I wish this pain would go away. I feel so alone. And I am more alone. I don't have my friendly roommates to live with anymore. I'm question my love life with a partner I really care about. I'm questioning if I have something much worse than ptsd/depression/anxiety. I feel like I'm living a fever dream every day and night. I just want a hug. I want to get away from all this. I want to be happy and soft and caring like i worked so hard to be. But it all feels gone. I don't know. I know it can get better. But in this cruel and greedy world as I get older I have less hope in that. I don't know. I don't fucking know anymore.