I'm in a traditionally "good" family. Upper middle class, extremely good school district, married parents (although not happily married), dog, house, no one smokes or drinks or uses drugs, everything that would seem relatively perfect. Plus I have great friends. But I still want to kill myself. My parents always put pressures on me about my grades and AP exams and college, and I'm just not a motivated person. I'd rather give up and do nothing. They want me to become a doctor (everyone in my aunt's family is one) and be "successful," but I can't see that for myself. I've honestly already ruined that future for myself because I've done my own tattoos in pretty noticeable places (I know it's not a bad thing and I like them, but society) and I've been cheating in a course at school all year that's pretty important for becoming a doctor. My mom found out that I'll almost get a B in the course mentioned above (we moved to an "easier" school because I got a B in the same topic at the previous school last year) and she told me I can't hang out with my friends until the school year ends. She also threatened to take away my phone, which makes me afraid that she'll do what she did last year, monitor my devices, which means no youtube or entertainment at all. Also I'm afraid that they're going to make me open my bedroom door and turn my desk so they can see my screen walking by. I've never had my own bedroom until we moved this year to the new school so I'd hate to return to how it was before. I don't exactly know what I'd define as a failure, but I'm afraid of being one and disappointing my parents. I think it's easier to not exist than deal with all of this.