         I had a FP for almost thirteen years. We were mutual FPs so it made things good but also terrible. Basically we would constantly split on one another, but drowned each other in attention when we were on good terms. She ghosted me a year ago for eight months, and our relationship is over. She tried to get back in touch, we hung out once, and then never again. We messaged off and on, and she ignored a message from me for two months before finally leaving me on read. So today I blocked her. I blocked her like she blocked me a year ago. 

          I feel like the only way I can get better is by cutting complete contact with her. Things were just different. But either way, I want to get over her. I feel like I can't. She was my everything for years, and now I'm extremely resentful of her. I hate her but love her all at once. I wish I'd cut ties with her years ago but also wish we were still friends. I've talked to my new friends, but I've talked so much about her that they're obviously annoyed about hearing it. I just want to stop thinking about what I had with her, especially because it's now clouded in bitterness and resentment. Does any one here have any helpful advice for this? I don't have a therapist yet, which I'm sure would be beneficial, but all of the therapists where I'm at are booked for the foreseeable future. I want to get better and be happy. I have had other favorite people since her, but right now I don't have one. I'm trying very hard not to have one, by rationalizing everything I say and feel, and by taking a step back and analyzing myself before I do or say anything. Since I don't have someone right now, my brian has gone back to wanting her again. But not really. Just the idea of her, and how in love we were (we remained friends despite our confessions) but I know I cant have her back. She's moved on, has someone else. I'm just sad now.