i dont understand why my life is the way it is. all throughout highschool i didnt do anything and i never amounted to anything i would just go to school and waste away time on my phone doing jack shit. i realized that right after graduating and i went to community college to fix that and show my parents that i was capable of changing. my parents believe in me and my family is great my gf is amazing but i feel like my mind is ruining all of that for me. i got a 4.0 in community college and applied to various different top universities i really wanted to go to and got rejected from every SINGLE one. i could have gone to a state school and settled for less but i applied to great schools that have good programs for my major and wanted to succeed in getting into an awesome university to show my parents and my family im capable. every single time i feel like i can do something i run into an obstacle and i keep falling backwards. i feel like my negative emotions and my negative energy is putting all the people around me down. every single night before i sleep i wish i wasnt here and i wish that one day i wont have to feel the pain of waking up and doing the same thing everyday. im so useless and i cant do 1 thing right. my only chance to show my family that i can amount to something and it gets rejected. i am so tired of my life and i really dont know what to do. ive never worked so i have zero experience and i have 0 motivation to get up and do absolutely anything. im so negative to random people on games and i lash out my anger on random people in games i try to keep all my sadness bottled in and i always repeat myself everyday to my family or gf asking if im okay and i always say that im just tired tired tired tired. its true but in reality im just sick of being here