Hey all,

My spouse has been suffering for quite some time now. Our relationship is not in a good place, but I want to be as supportive as I can. I love this woman.

At the same time though, I feel terrible that I've gone for so many years where I haven't made my needs, desires, wants, or anything a priority while I've focused so much on just keeping things going and helping her as best I can.

For context, she's a stay at home mom/wife, has been for most of our relationship, even prior to getting married. I do all the day to day housework, caring for kids, etc etc. Kids are at school all day, she has a max of 2 hours a day alone with them while I work. Most days I stop working early to handle them as she isn't able to do it many times. And all that is okay. She's struggling, hard. 

But, being completely honest, as the supporting partner, it sucks to be unable to connect with my partner in a meaningful way. Everything I read, people I've talked to, etc, all say that my needs and wants should be a priority too, but I just can't for the life of me see how I can be supportive and also say, "yeah, you haven't hugged me in years. That really sucks and it hurts me really deeply." without just throwing more problems on her. Let alone any sort of physical intimacy. I feel like it's just too much to ask of her.

I really don't know where I'm going with this or know how to phrase any of it without feeling like I'm just completely discounting how she's struggling. But since getting myself, or her, a therapist has been basically impossible the last 2 years, I don't really have anyone else to ask how to rectify all this in my head.

Should I just keep focusing on handling everything and being supportive while we hope to maybe one day get ourselves into therapy or is there a tactful way to say that I need and want things too?

Tear me a new one if I'm being a dick. I want to be there, but I'm just..... I need more than nothing after so long.