Ugh, third night in a row up at 4AM wide awake. I (25F) have no incentive to sleep right now, even going on night 3 of little rest. I ended up in the ER this morning because vapes are bad DONT DO THEM!!! And I’m not even sure what I’m doing posting on here. Remarkably obsessed with being wayyyy more sexual than I ever have, even selling pics online whereas I used to only exchange in committed relationships… ugh I cannot. My non exclusive “partner’s” (abusive in many ways, can elaborate if questions) coworkers have never looked better… ugh It sucks being bipolar and seeing all the things falling apart. It’s like the all too familiar writing on the wall… and you’re like well, here it is folks. See I’ve been avoiding taking my meds, then I get this natural “high” for a second that looks productive, then it gets out of control wayyyy too fast and then crash. How can I so rapidly spin from being so depressed and not showering for a week at a time to mega energy and confidence the size of the moon? Oh yeah, realizing I can’t even remember the last day I was on the meds. Have an appointment with new psych today, wish me luck. I don’t know how to convince myself to stick with them, been in this rodeo a few years now… sorry this probably all makes me sound horrible. Also, this hyper sexuality has never hit THIS HARD!!!!