The short answer is i have a deep unfilled void inside me desperate to be loved and accepted. 
I've been feeling totally lost in life since buying a house. I thought it would make me feel good about myself and I thought that because I assumed it would make my partner happy and they would treat me differently then in turn I'd be gratified in some way. Obviously it didn't happen, even if it did it wouldn't be enough as im not living in an authentic way and don't love or even know myself. I've felt disappointed and stuck, I wish I had been more truthful and stood my ground about buying a house, but I didn't and I suppose that's fine. I'm learning to forgive and accept myself. It's not a bad mistake to have made.
 I'm hoping this small realisation helps me move forward even just a little bit.