I am so fucked. I need help. I've started seeing and feeling me doing disgusting things. things I never ever would even consider for a moment and I'm scared. I feel guilty for things I am so sure I never did. I spent the past 10 minutes locked into thoughts of molesting and raping a child. I hated every second. My head just got stuck screaming at me that I had done this and how fucking horrific my actions are. I didn't do it. I promise from my deepest soul I did not. But I believed I did. It started with that post that reached the front page on I think r/relationshipadvice about her husband getting annoyed that they let her son wash her baby daughter. Im so fucked in the head. I can't talk to anyone in person because of my dad's experience with his mental health and how people treated him. Social services twisted the fuck out of this and painted him as a child molester and rapist on the word of my mother who was/is not of sound mind for things like this. She was abused in this way as a child and has/used to have(I don't know) flashbacks to those events. I don't want to rape I don't want to I really really don't like it. That is not me. I really really don't want it to be. I am not a rapist nor a child molester but I can't fucking convince myself. That is horrors that end with me but it's just bleeding all through my head. I don't even know what to imagine. It all feels too fucking real

I'm also sick and tired of mentioning my mental health to people and just getting passed off using stock phrases of stereotypes fixed before a word is ever said.  Sorry for such an uncoordinated rant, I tried not to go into details of anything particular and I'm sorry for the sensitive topic.