It feels like everyone tries to push the “you’re not thinking straight, try to see it this way” sort of mentality and that’s fine, I’m sure it helps for some people, but I just can’t convince myself of anything otherwise. I know I think irrational things, but I can’t convince myself to not believe these things. It’s so ingrained into everything I do that I can’t shake it. And the only thing that I think would maybe help is something I can’t even possibly get. My therapist tries to point out when I’m not thinking straight, but even if she comes up with a reason why it doesn’t make sense, and even if I agree with her, I still can’t stop. In most ways everything is my fault. And I just have nothing that proves me otherwise.

It’s just dead end after dead end. I need to get better, so I need to do X thing, but in order to do X thing I have to already be better. I’m sick of trying for nothing. The goalposts just keep getting pushed farther and farther away.