Hello. I am a 25 year old male who basically feels as if my life has been on autopilot for as long as I can remember. Any pursuit, any goal, anything that would be/could be fun is empty. I am empty. It's weird. Because if I step back and objectively look at what humans/people (what I am) enjoy, I just...don't. Anywhere you look, sex with a beautiful woman, traveling and making millions, getting the body of "your dreams", career success; all of it just seems pointless and empty. Sure, I have moments where all of a sudden the clouds part and I am full of hope and possibility and ready to go LIVE. Like I'll just get a RUSH of hope, that's the only way that I can explain it. The anxiety fades, I get incredibly present, I just feel so good (what I imagine regular people feel a lot more of) and am ready to live my life. Then...as some of you may be able to relate..then...I wake up. Sometimes literally, I go to sleep feeling good, wake up with all these plans and goals and they all just seem dumb and empty I guess is the only way I can explain it. I literally have no idea what to do with myself, the constant highs and lows are just so exhausting. I make a plan, set a goal, then all the intention and meaning and WHY behind I set that goal just completely is drained and void. I am currently in a relationship. Me 25yo male with a 19yo female. When we first started dating (about 6 months ago) it was good. She didn't get along too much with her family and always wanted to avoid being home, she also didn't take college to seriously and wasn't even sure why she was there, we connected I think on our shared voids and our shared just disagreement for society and how it works. Well now, as I have been working on myself, I have helped her, almost mold her mind in a better way, my constant reading on mental health etc would rub off on her. Now, she has an amazing relationship with her mother, is taking school seriously and thinking about her future and career, and I...I feel I am being pushed aside. Like I've been used. I spend a lot of my time trying to force myself out of depression, out of being in a constant anxious panic (and I mean constant) and trying to be ok to keep our relationship. But I cannot help to feel that I am on a sinking ship and feel nothing, and she is on a thriving path and feels everything...and now I am afraid I am losing her. I have lost control a few times and got really angry at her for guys hitting on her constantly, asking for her number, stalking her at her work, it has literally drove me to intense worry and anxiety almost constantly. Yesterday, we had a good conversation, about all of this. When she approached me, I could tell she had one foot out of the door, she was treating me like a stranger, not like how she treated me like her whole world just a few months earlier. She told me earlier that day she was talking to her mom about opening a small business together, talking to her friend at school about their futures and their jobs and careers and how school is going. I feel as almost she has been high on me, but now, that her relationship with her family has gotten so good, her relationship with her friends are good, and her constant work and school work keeping her busy, she is riding on positive momentum and almost looking at me like how she WAS looking at school and her family when she first met me. I saw this coming. I knew this is how it would play out when I first met her. That I was not in a good mental state, and I stated this to her, and she basically rolled her eyes and was SET on loving and being with me..but now,  I fear, she has need a brighter future, she has connected back to people that she felt disconnected from, and now I...now I am losing the girl that I love. As we talked yesterday, I asked her, as far as her wanting to focus on school and career and this and that, what is the end game with that? I told her, I understand that we are in different phases of life right now, her being 19 and in college, she is in a new and hopeful future building identity forming time of her life, and me at 25, well I am more settled, I have responsibilities that vary from hers. I have bills, rent, car payment, and to me, a career and being a CEO mogul type isn't really my thing, I'd much rather just have a person, have someone to love, make enough to not struggle and just be in love. So I asked her, what is the end game exactly. So you leave me, you focus on school, you find a career, you work that and live, well then what? What happens when you're out of this college phase when all these friends that your riding on a high with and replacing me with, what happens when they find their own significant other? Their future husbands? Or move away to their career? I asked her, are you going to regret leaving me because you were to blinded by some idealized future? After our talk, she basically did a COMPLETE FLIP and was madly in love with me again, back to where I was her person, I was her world. I am starting to think, maybe I should break my heart, leave her, and maybe find someone who shares the same ideals as I do. Someone that wants to see me everyday and lay around and watch movies and just be with one another, versus someone who wants to or can only manage to see me once or twice a week and almost pushes me and pulls me in various ways. Again, we kind of connected at a point where both of us were in a bad place and now she is in a good place, friends, family, school, a good job, thinking about her future, and I am just feeling like some 25 year old mope. Even though I have a good-ish job, I workout constantly therefore have a good body and am pretty good looking, I have my own apartment and new car, but I just don't really give a shit about any of this stuff. I know there is a lot here, and I am venting a lot, I just, if anyone can read all of this and just talk to me, that would be great.