Do they think I’m just trying to be dramatic? Faking it? Why can they not comprehend that this is the real me? This is me.

Although I do understand 

Every emotion I feel is *raw*. Positive or negative. My brain can take me to dizzying heights of *intense* euphoria, happiness and pleasure, and simultaneously send me to the depths of hell where I feel as if I’m being burned alive by my self-loathing thoughts, wishing there was some way that I could cease to exist. Not just die—cease to exist. 

When I feel love, it makes my entire soul buzz. 

I actually think what causes a person to become a full-blown borderline is spending one’s childhood *constantly* being told that the real you, the real, raw, intense you, is not acceptable and you must hide this side of you and adjust it to make other people comfortable at all costs.

Maybe for a while a kid internalizes that and does as they’re told. For a while they are happy to accept that “reality” as being true and come to the conclusion that their caretakers are right.

But the subconscious won’t let go of the need to reveal its true self. It won’t stay hidden forever.

So what does one’s subconscious mind do to be heard? It creates fear. Rage. Resentment.

There might be a period of years where you don’t even realize that you have this suppressed rage. You might have no clue why you feel so worthless. 

You know why you feel worthless? Because the real you was never allowed to exist. 

And that’s the tragedy of BPD.