(She/her pronouns) 
I'm tired of being insecure. I'm tired of feeling jealous when I see beautiful girls. I'm always comparing myself to girls who are skinnier than me or seem happier than me. With my depression I look at the people my age who are more productive than me. Who are graduating seniors or working jobs. Idek what my point is. I just feel like venting because a few moments ago, I was thinking about suicide. Because my boyfriend happened to look at the tv while a girl who was half naked was dancing. He's not that type of guy, believe me. But it still hurts because my head is telling me that he found the girl attractive, more than he would me. I don't want to tell him how I felt about it because its not that big of a deal and he can't control that he looked up at that time she was dancing. This is why I hate being so insecure. Because my boyfriend has to cross eggshells just to make sure my feelings arent hurt. At times like these I just beat myself up. Because I wish he could have a confident girlfriend. He doesn't mind my insecurities and he does his best to reassure me. But when I'm feeling guilty I can't seek reassurance cause I don't want him to know about the stupid triggers that cause the insecurities like I said previously. My own image makes me want to die BC I'm so in disgust with how ugly I am. That's sad. But I just don't want to be in a world looking like me. I feel bad for my boyfriend. Idk what to do about my insecurities. It all comes from past Trauma such as bullying, relationships, and parents. To address my insecurities I'd have to reconnect with my trauma and love myself. But I just can't do it, sadly I feel like my self hatred will rub off on him. Idk what to do. I'm just venting. Any females struggling w mental health feel insecure around ANY female your man is near even when he gives you no reason to?