I exhibit reckless behaviour all the time. Driving at 100 miles an hour on the road, smoking and drinking heavily, picking fights, violent outbursts. I also work around self harm a lot and have seen plenty of dead people, particularly suicides. I've seen people get murdered. I fight with men daily.

But I am terrified of dying. Like, every time I think about it I freeze up and cry. This has existed since before I was even in the job I do now so that can't be a factor as such. I do try to not act on it and just get on with what I need to do (like I don't have agoraphobia or assume Final Destination is happening to me), but it is ruining my life. The only positive thing about it is that it encourages to do lots of things and I have done so much travelling, alone and in groups or with my SO. How do I get over the fact I have to get over something I cannot control?