Life feels like a consistent game of trying to be lucid lately and in between that is the snap purgatory in which I personally know that I'm in a state in which I know that the value of my life and all my experiences amount to nothing and to add to it, my longing for the life I want is as insignificant as my existence.

I'm really trying, maybe it's the innate feeling we all have that at the very least we want to be validated. But why does it always come back, this ruthless feeling of insignificance.

I have moved on, I'm trying to move on, I'm stuck. It just feels like a never ending cycle. I can't trust myself anymore that I can progress in life but I still try.

Man... it's so hard being like this. Everything just feels wrong and it always boils down to I want to commit suicide. 

I'm so tired of myself, but I have to keep trying because I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to appreciate my life, I want to live my life well, stable and peacefully.

Man... why am I like this