Obviously don’t mean like I’m a sexual way just in a sort of enjoy it too much way. Like when I was a teenager I loved starting arguments for the thrill of it and causing a load of unnecessary drama. Like I found it exciting. I stopped doing that as my fear of abandonment got so strong.

But now I notice I almost get off on associating with people that treat me like shit. Like people who are really nice make me uncomfortable and are boring. Obviously I don’t actually like being treated like shit but some how the intensity of all the emotions and drama is something I sometimes enjoy.