I suffer from ptsd depression and generalized anxiety. I also have mood swings. My husband goes zero to 100 and he knows he should be able to talk to me calmly. He has bipolar and adhd untreated. Tomorrow I am going to see a psych for help with depression. I’m not perfect but lately it’s been bad. We have been fighting a lot because im depressed and don’t want to go to the gym. Plus im anxious af. The way he screams at me just makes me want to k!ll myself but i know I don’t actually want to he’s just making me feel that miserable. I love him and want to be with him but also the way he yells at me for EVERYTHING including if I question his form over and over at the gym when he fixes me puts him in a rage. He always said “you made me mad” like when he screams at me it’s cause I did this. I never do anything to deserve screaming. Sometimes he gets in my face if he’s really stressed or throws things breaks thing and punches things and walls. He’s been really good to not do that but I also try to not fight with him and just accept what he’s saying. If I don’t agree with him on everything we will fight for hours till I agree and see his side and sometimes I really do but sometimes I just want it to end but don’t agree. Longest fight was 6 hours. But it’s getting to the point with my SA ptsd and depression that I feel like I can’t do this much longer he’s making me worse. I feel like I can’t tell him how I feel most of the time cause he’s kinda dismissive with my feelings and when I show him how to talk to me he admits he needs to learn from me and do better and yell less but he never does anything to actually fix it. It’s insane that I’m scared to move to a state with more expensive marijuana because I’m scared of him without edibles since it’s his medication and doesn’t take pills. He has a lot of childhood trauma and refuses to see a therapist and thinks he’s fine and emotionally mature enough and did all the therapy he needs I guess. I just don’t know what to do and I want to know you’re guys opinions? I need help and he won’t allow me to talk about him to anyone not my friend, family or even my therapist. I feel lost and miserable and as time goes by I want to be with him less and less. I live my life walking on eggshells and scared to open up cause he won’t listen to me. He can’t imagine letting me vent unless he tells me how to fix it. He always tries to fix things and I feel like I can’t vent when I feel my lowest. I hate my life more and more everyday and I’m starting to fall out of love. How can I love someone I am scared to be around especially with my emotions? I feel like I have to shut up and just be positive and hide everything. If he starts getting upset or saying we can’t do something then I just agree right away now. If I have a different opinion on something I just keep it to myself for example if I want to take out money from the savings and put it back on payday for my groceries if he says no I don’t fight it cause all he will do is get mad at me and say I’m against him. Wheneve I feel differently it’s cause I’m against him. Please he’s a good guy with a good heart he just needs help and he loves me and puts me first and he does everything he can to love and help me. He isn’t malicious and doesn’t mean bad he just very idk set in his way and his way is the only way most of the time. What do you guys think?