I’ve been seeing this guy for about 7 months now but since we’re currently trying out long distance ( I moved to a different country just this month ) , we decided not to put any official labels on us until we are sure this is sth who both can tackle. 

I always knew he had BPD but but it wasn’t as intense when we were together but since I left, it’s been taking a huge strain on me. I’m a very patient person, I almost never get angry, I never shout and hoping to study psychology in university, I’ve never judged anyone’s mental issues. 

He’s never been able to get into relationships and is one of the main reasons why we’re not making ours official too. He’s so sweet, gives me so much more attention than anyone else I’ve been with and he’s very loyal but recently, his mood fluctuations have been very bad and during his episodes of anger and anxiety, he gets very mean and untrusting. Of course, I understand he may not mean it or it’s sth he can’t control but it’s been very draining when I’m being told most days that I’m not what he needs and anytime I go out with friends, he gets very untrusting and jealous. He’s going through a tough time and that has blinded him about my own issues that I’m unable to talk to him about things going on with me without him mentioning sth way worse going on in his life that my issues don’t even feel like issues and that I shouldn’t even be struggling because in his words, I’m privileged enough. But how do I say no to someone who’s suicidal and have even thought of how to do it.. and when I’m thousands of km away.

I think my main difficulty here is that I’m willing to try and work this through if he was willing to try as well and he is so sweet to me when his mood is much better. But despite his highs and lows, the one constant thing is that he’s always told me he has no intention to change because ‘ he can’t ‘ and it’s ‘ too late ‘. This has been very draining for me.. I’ve had panic attacks and depressive episodes too and I don’t know what to do because he doesn’t want to do anything about it. Does it make sense that I’m trying so much for someone who isn’t even my boyfriend? Is this the struggle of most BPD relationships and how did you fight through this ( if you’ve experienced the same ) or what would you prefer ur partner do ( if you have BPD ) ?