I tried to find other more realistic ways to deal with this but I finally realized I have no one to go too. I was severely depressed for several years from bullying mostly due to being autistic. I tried going to therapy but my therapist told my parents about most of the stuff I said. That was my last therapist I've had 2 other and none of them helped me in any way. I have a small friend group who I'll play video games with from time to time but I can't have any serious conversation regarding most things including my mental health. They just make jokes about how I'm "emo" and how I don't have any real issues which hurts me so I never talk to them about it. It seemed like it was gonna get better for the past 8 months. I have a girlfriend whos helped me deal with the constant bullying and trauma associated from it but I'm almost certain that our relationship is going to end within the next few months. She is pretty much the only real meaningful friend I've ever had in my life besides maybe my dad. Shes the only person whos been able to help me with this but I'm fairly certain we are going to break up in a couple months. I am not comfortable with explaining the details about it but I have a lot of reasons to believe so. I haven't told her about my concerns because every time I've attempted too she just gets sad or upset at me. I've been so scared about this because I know if she leaves I'll be completely alone. I've tried making other friends but it only leads to more bullying or people who are fake nice too me because I'm autistic. The bullying got so bad that I had a mental breakdown and had to get home schooled because of it. I've tried making friends online but it has only resulted in even more bullying. I turn 18 in 2 years and I'm scared. I'm not ready to deal with the real world and I'm scared that things are only going to get worse. I've contemplated suicide but I'm too scared to commit to it because theres a small part of me that thinks things could get better. I'm sorry if I worded this shitty or if it seems disingenuous. I've tried so hard to deal with my depression and try to find positivity in life but I cant.