I have been managing to actually function (for the most part) for a good while now, which is more than I could have said a few months ago. But I’m constantly just barely holding it together. My room is never clean and I can’t force myself to do anything about it, I’m always fucked up on something because even if I wanted to stop I’m too afraid that I’ll have a breakdown and ruin everything, I constantly want to quit my job and cut off everyone I know, and suicide is on my mind constantly. I haven’t been able to relax in months because if I give myself too much time to think I get bad thoughts and it could ruin everything and I don’t know what to do. It’s impossible for me to maintain any real relationships in any form where I’m at right now and I just need something to change