[M20] Currently planning my death and trying to enjoy the last few months of my life. After a long and hard battle with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, ptsd and more i decided it was enough and that i'm gonna stop trying 'cause life doesn't seem to work out for me. I turn 21 tomorrow and than it will be the 10 years mark of my mental issues. I've gone through so much shit and i can't do it anymore, i just can't. After everything that happened i feel like i deserve a beautiful ending after all the pain, so i'm gonna make my death as peaceful and poetic as i can. I already set a date, chosen the songs for my funeral and the place where i wanna do it, also how i wanna do it. I'm gonna make a bucketlis with all the things i still want to do before the chosen day arrives. Honestly knowing that everything i do from now on is to give myself a proper ending feels so right and deserving. I can finally enjoy things now that i know it will soon be over. I'm gonna quit my job and leave everything behind to go as comfortable as possible: alone. The date is still a few months away and maybe someone or something will convince me to keep going because honestly all i've ever wanted was a good life, but since it's not working then death is the way to go and i'm at peace with it. If my situation doesn't improve then i will kill myself and give myself a beautiful goodbye that i deserve and want. The last few months have been incredibly hard for me so i hope i can even wait this long, but i'm gonna try and award myself with a beautiful ending to all this madness.