I hate being so dependent on someone for my happiness. I live in constant anxiety and I know it's from the fear of how I'm being perceived, and it gets 10x more intense with my fp. I just want to lay in bed all day and talk to no one so I don't have the chance to fuck anything up. I could never though, I crave the attention from my friends. I hate the person I am, I wish I was less self centered, I wish I could not care, I wish I was "chill". I feel like such a creep and immature for being obsessed with a person, I feel so ashamed. They haunt me. I just want to get away from everything, but my mother keeps me trapped at home all day to take care of our pets so I'm just stuck with myself with a gps tracker on my phone and cameras in the house that don't help with my paranoia. I don't even think any of the things I've written make any sense I just took some melatonin, I am so tired so sorry in advance.