Fuck sadness. Fuck depression. Fuck all that.
If I had to choose between keep going like this, or dying but making everyone happy, making sadness and depression disappear, I wouldn't hesitate, i would die 1000 times... But my death would only bring suffering to my family. So here I am, in my limbo between my own sadness and emptyness, and sadness I'd leave to other people if I did something extreme. I don't want that. I want to be happy again,and I want others to be happy, but that's not possible. I wish I could find relief in memories, but I don't even remeber how it feels to be happy, I don't remember the simplicity of life before everything went down. Sometimes it's like as if things would get better, even if just for some hours, or some days. But there's always something wrong, as If, everywhere I go, everything I do, there's always dark clouds on the horizon, following me, and they get closer everyday. I can't escape from myself. I can't escape from my mind.
I wish I could feel happiness, even just for 1 second. Just to remember how it was. Just to have something that would make me hope... Fuck all that. I wish that everyone of you could be happy, we don't deserve that... Whoever you are, whatever you're doing, I wish I could bring happiness to all of you, forever, but I can't do shit. Even for myself. I wish I could make the world a better place, but my soul is broken, I'm the shadow of my former self, and I can't even make myself a better person...
There's no money, there's no therapy... Nothing, as inside me. There's nothing. Where did everything go? How can such many emotions, feelings, desires, just disappear like that? I wish I could have them back just to give them to all of you...
But that's not possible. Everything is dark, scary, and hopeless...
I don't want to cry, yet here I am...
What's left inside me?

Oh, sorry for any grammatical error, English is not my native language.