Man, I just want to thank y'all for making this community exist. I've been struggling recently a lot and was reminded how little people give a shit about others, and expect you just to "cope." As if it's that simple.

Recently been going through a really bad depressive phase, though I had manic delusions yesterday (I was a golden god hehe), but am just permanently tired. Been alternating from 4 hours due to insomnia or 10+ due to the depression. I'm sick of being referred to as lazy when I'm f*cking trying, so hard, I'm not smoking, I'm not drinking, I'm going to therapy, I'm seeing a psych, I'm taking my meds and following the adjustments as they happen... But most people don't see that shit, or if they do they'll try to offer unsolicited advice about it you not needing the meds, bipolar being actually beneficial because of "x," or it being all in your head (no shit, it's called a mental *illness*).

I know we're all at different stages and at different headspaces, but being able to just be *real* and actually be able to talk about it has been a godsend and probably the one thing that's allowed me to keep my chill. Most days I'm tired and pissed off at the world and myself, wondering why the f*ck I can't just function like a normal human being, and just struggling to accept we live in an ableist society with ableist pig-headed people who use their ignorance as a bludgeon to invalidate yours and others experience. And even friends, I'll hold a looooooot back from them because I *know, firsthand,* how much I can be but I'll try to just be real and talk about maybe wanting to function like a normal human adult only to be reminded, albeit not intentionally, but nonetheless condescendingly there is no normal...

So yeah, thank you guys for existing and being your beautiful, messy, honest selves. I hate it here in the States...Midwest particularly. But y'all keep me grounded (as much as possible lol), and I really can't express how much of a literal lifesaver that's been at times.

For now I'm at wit's end so I'm prolly just gonna try to keep a calm and safe environment so I don't wig out at my job interview tomorrow (wish me luck lol). I love y'all. Keep with it, we will get better, but f*ck does it take a long time.