nothing is fun. i don't feel any drive to get better at stuff either. i mean, i feel shitty because i'm not good at anything but not to the point that i actually want to try. i used to be good at art when i was a kid but then i gave up in middle school. i kind of have a talent for music but every time i try to practice i feel like i'm just flailing around doing nothing. there are so many things i have wanted to do but never tried because i have no self esteem. i used to be good at my hobbies as a child, including school. so now im a huge perfectionist and give up if im not immediately a genius. now im average at best. it sucks. so many people have just like. found their place in life and achieve true joy from their hobbies but i'm so dumb and unmotivated and completely lacking in passion. i'm 19 and want to kms cause there are all these 13 year olds with their god damn ipads making masterpieces with immaculate understanding of anatomy when i haven't even FINISHED (finished is a strong word) a piece in years. fuck man. i'm probably too old to get better at anything anyway.