I feel like I’ve just been running on autopilot and all the feelings I’ve been ignoring or shoving down randomly burst out when I’m trying sleep at night  or get up in the morning. 
I feel alone constantly. I try to go to work and out with friends to distract myself but the feeling is always there. I could kill myself and I don’t think any of my friends or family would notice. Work would though and even though I work with some kind, caring ppl who genuinely care about me, I still find it sad and even more depressing that ppl in my personal wouldn’t even notice I was gone until it was too late. 

I’m just tired. I’m tired of trying.