I’m on mobile so if the formatting is shitty, sorry.
So last week my ex got in my face and abused the absolute shit out of me, in public, in front of my children and now my brain is broken. I’m broken. He hasn’t contacted me since but he has had people from his church trying to contact me. 
I keep reliving every horrible thing he ever said or did over the years and I can’t shut it out. I never dealt with any of the crap throughout the relationship, just pushed it aside and got on with the day, I’ve got too much shit to do. I did try to talk about it a few times but was always told “you had children with him, you’ve got no one else to blame but you”. 
My husband called my manager to let her know I was taking a few days off because I’m in a bad way and was told that I allow him (the ex) to let me feel this way so it’s my own fault I’m bringing all of this upon myself. She’s probably right. I’m a sooky little bitch. I keep crying at stupid shit, getting angry at stupid shit. Everyone thinks I’m overreacting and being dramatic, and I probably am and I hate it. I used to be such a happy person and now I’m dead.
I want the world to just stop, it’s too much. 
Everyone is always wanting something. “Take time for yourself” they say, “you need to recharge and worry about you”, yet then say “no you have to do this and do that and be at work and pack the house and find a new house and schools and organise the moving and go here, get this, this way not that way” Nothing is ever enough or good enough. It’s always more more more.
I’m pretty sure my husband is trying to work out the best way to tell me he is done and wants out but is too scared I’ll top myself. I hate that he has to deal with my bullshit, he deserves so much better.
I cant breathe and I want to go home but I am at home and my mind is my fucking prison.