So I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety but I’m still having some trouble actually believing that diagnosis. I think one of the hardest things for me is that I sometimes think that maybe I actually do have some sort of depression or maybe that’s just how growing up is and i’m just not as good with coping with it as other people. 

Honestly this unsureness is one of the biggest things contributing to my anxiety and I think about it a lot but since I think that depression isn’t real then I think that my anxiety can’t be real either. I’m always worried that maybe I don’t actually have anxiety or depression and I’m just faking it. This kept me from seeking out help for a long time but I finally realized that the way I was doing things wasn’t making me any better so I decided to try and get help. 

Ive been thinking about starting medication but i’m scared to take it because i’m like what if I take this medication but i’m not actually depressed enough to be taking it. I’m kinda scared to tell my therapist this because I feel like they’ll think i’m a total idiot, which I know they probably won’t think that but I just can’t make myself believe that. 

I’m also scared because even if my psychiatrist says I have depression and anxiety, do I really? How could they know for sure, they barely even know me. I can never be 100% sure that I do or do not have these things and I don’t like that uncertainty. 

Also, as weird as it sounds, I think that maybe I almost want to be diagnosed with something because then I can tell myself that I’m not crazy or strange fo what I think, but that other people think it too. 

This is straight up just a rant but I felt like I just had to get it out there ya know? Thanks for reading and for any advice if you’ve got any!