I’ve (22f) been talking to this guy (22m) for about a month now, we’re not in a relationship but he has said numerous times that when we eventually meet after lockdown that it won’t be long until we basically become a couple. I really like him and care about him and I “know” he feels the same as me, I say “know” because it’s a case of he’s told me numerous times but I struggle to believe it. Since I’ve been out of work the past week, I’ve noticed I’ve been kicking off a lot at him. I’ve been monitoring his social media and he’s all I think about. I know it isn’t healthy and I find it really embarrassing that I’m even talking about it because I’ve never opened up about these feelings before. I’m very convinced he doesn’t like me, I get the tiniest “vibe” about something and straight away I’m having a go at him and making him question himself. He’s told me numerous times “if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t talk to you” or “I have no need or want to talk to other girls as I think you’re amazing”. I’ve told him about my diagnosis because I didn’t want him to think I was being like this just for the sake of it, but because I have this overwhelming fear of being abandoned and hurt and I struggle to see things clearly or rationally. He’s always been very very supportive of it and if I speak to him calmly and address things I’m insecure about he will just reassure me and remind me of his feelings. I’ve came to the realisation I’m very controlling and clingy. During an outburst yesterday I “stalked” his Instagram and saw he’d been liking this girls photos, I even reached out to her, she reassured me he hasn’t spoke to her for weeks and that I don’t have anything to worry about as it was just a short few messages nearly 2 months ago and that was it. I don’t like being like this and admitting to being controlling and clingy is horrible as I’ve been controlled before by past boyfriends/friends. I care about this man a lot and I know he is good for me and I’m so terrified of pushing him away but even more terrified of being hurt and abandoned. You’ll probably all think I’m an awful person which I do too after realising this, but if someone could give just a shed of light or advice I’d really appreciate it x