Hi I need help understanding dissociation, I am a 26M diagnosed with BPD and have been for a year. I am not in therapy and do not have a therapist due to my countries awful system but my questions are about dissociation.

How do I know if I am dissociating or just “zoning out”? Do I know that I have just experienced it? 

I feel like I am watching myself do things often or sometimes just go blank for a time and someone might call my name and I’m like “huh what sorry?” Was that me dissociating? 

If someone could help me understand this and give me examples how it feels for you and what happens I would really appreciate this, it’s ruining my life and all I want to do is cry away my Friday night… thank you