context: i was going through a lot this summer and my fight or flight mode never turned off, i couldn’t sleep well, i couldn’t rest. i didn’t understand what was going on and i started reading people’s experiences on reddit and quora and when i tell you i have read everything on the internet about psychosis, schizophrenia, going crazy, dpdr, anxiety, depression, ocd and literally all other mental illnesses i am not even joking. i went to both a psychiatrist and a therapist and i told them what happened, they told me that i am not crazy nor do i have any major mental illnesses, symptoms of anxiety and depression and prevalent and that’s okay with me lol. but on a serious note, i don’t see stuff nor do i hear stuff, the only thing crazy about me what’s going on is my thoughts, and my thinking pattern, and the beliefs i’m forming based off the idea that “i had gone crazy”. i don’t know what to do. i try to comfort myself by telling myself at least i am not dead and then a thought would come telling me “what if you’re dead? you wouldn’t know you’re fucking crazy and insane”. i feel disconnected from my family and friends. i am ignoring school and my studies. i am literally just 18 and i forgot what it’s like to feel normal. i don’t have any substance abuse, i don’t smoke and i don’t drink, never have. yesterday i had my first therapy session, and i feel like i have ignored my issues for way too long and that’s it’s too late for therapy, even though my therapist said it wasnt late, and that i came at the right time. guys please, i feel like everything i have read off of the internet and forums has affected the way i think and behave, it’s like my thoughts are not my thoughts, and i’m not the same person. i am developing suicide ideation and i feel like it’s fucking over for me. i cant talk about this to anyone and i don’t know what to do. has anyone every experienced this? questioned their sanity? i don’t fucking know anything you could relate to in my story??? for fucks sake this is not me i am done believing i am fucking crazy and insane