I’m 17 and this is the first time I’ve ever been on medication. 

When I growing up I used to think I had anger issues bc I would toss and break my stuff, rip out my hair, hurt myself unintentionally, write suicide notes, cry &amp; throw up because I really wanted to hurt someone but then clean everything up really calmly and act like it didn’t happen. I used to think they were just tantrums although I didn’t do them in front of people and my parents &amp; siblings show no signs of knowing. 

As I’ve gotten older, or in a span of 2-3 years I’ve become depressed and I’ve probably always had anxiety I was never good at being social and would have lacked any interaction with children my age if I didn’t have my sister.  

I’ve been on antidepressants and anxiety medication for eleven days, I’m extremely lethargic so much so that when I took my medication at 12am instead of 9pm in order to complete school work, I had to be sent home the next day. It’s always been easy to get headaches for me (in 9th grade they were really bad paired with sensitivity to light and noise) but the medication gives me headaches which have only gotten stronger with an increase in the dosage. Irritation and anger are also really bad, I’ve probably not felt this violent since I was 14. 

Which is why I’m confused, I didn’t think I’d have such an affect on me this early? I’ve held out because I thought these were passing effects, but the anger is concerning since I thought my actions before were of a 14 who was just upset that they couldn’t get what they want mostly since anything would set me off then. But nowadays anything can set me off and I’m afraid I’d hurt someone/ me and don’t know how to go about this. I’ve missed too many days moping around that one more day I miss I’m gonna get attendance failure and my school probably won’t give me excused absences without a written excuse. 

I’ve called my physiatrist to schedule an appointment but I honestly don’t know what to do. I could go see the school therapist since she was annoying about pushing for me to go to a psychiatrist after my psych evaluation and me signing a release form but I really hate her. I hate how she fucking talks and chips at her nails. If I’m alone or near her there’s going to be a fight. And I would ask the school social worker for help but I’d rather go hug and have a heart to heart the geometry teacher who’s known for poor hygiene and for being dirty overall. 

Tl;dr 
I have a “history” of anger issues. 
My medication isn’t helping my depression, giving me headaches which seemingly get worse and last hours, make me drowsy, extremely angry (and I’m probably going to violent). 

I may not get an appointment as soon as I’d like, and I don’t want to stop taking medication without explicit directions to do so. I don’t want to violent in school and I can’t really take a break for mental health reasons, but I feel like a time bomb. 

 I can’t tell if I have more issues, it’s the medication, or  if it’s just teenage bs. 


