Woke up and first thing on my mind was how much I wanna die. I texted my dad yesterday happy Father’s Day, I’ve been texting him, trying to make amends with him because I have forgiven him in my head and I want to move on. He said he would be there later on when I grew up more. He doesn’t respond. I texted my old neighbor who’s friends with him to just let me know that he’s okay and alive. Apparently I don’t even deserve that. I don’t know what I did. I’ve accepted he’s got problems of his own, but why couldn’t she tell me? I don’t deserve to know if he’s even alive? He randomly calls my mom and will ask if there’s anything positive she can update me on, and my moms got BPD untreated so it doesn’t really end well anyway. I just want to die, I’m so lost 😞