Hi,
For the past four months, I have been in a relationship with someone with BPD. We are both in our early thirties. This is my first relationship in years... When things are going well, it is amazing... When we have big arguments (~one/month), it is tough.... And in fact, what I find particularly tough is that my partner does not like how I want to "dissect" arguments a few days down the line, and analyse where things have gone wrong. He says that we should focus on the good things instead of talking about these arguments. Also, he says that the arguments start over small things so the argument becomes unworthy of further discussion. On my part, I need a thorough analysis to understand, move on and not build distrust/resentment. I also need the other person to acknowledge how they could have done things better (and same goes for me obviously!) The last argument happened because I felt completely invalidated, and in fact, I ended up leaving my partner's house abruptly and screaming over him after he would not let me cool off on my own in a different room (I have my own oversensitivity issues!)... The fact that he did not want to discuss afterwards and simplified things down to "you screamed so you are in the wrong" felt like the invalidation was continuing... We have had a discussion and are ok since. For now at least...
I just want to ask.... Surely it is a good thing to discuss arguments?! Particularly if it is to understand the other person? And also to take their share of the responsibility?! 
How do you guys feel about discussing arguments? Is it a BPD thing to avoid it? Do you think it is useless/helpful to do it?
Thanks for sharing!