So I'm 18, and I've been diagnosed with ADHD in elementary, then depression at 14. I had crazy insane thoughts and severe changes in actions and mood  when I was 16 leading a diagnosis Bipolar disorder and anxiety. But it just... finding online resources it didn't feel right. Looking up BPD which I thought was the acrynomn for bipolar disorder I came upon this sub. Holy shit I thought I was alone like I was the only one feeling this way. The past year I've become more and more self aware, and I saw myself getting so angry and five minutes later I'm fine and I hated myself so much because I realised how fucking manipulative I was being sometimes and how I went from cleaning being a hobby to having the messiest room in the house. Straight As to Bs and C's. I wanted to be an EMT, Fire fighter, engineer, astronaut, teacher and I could never find what I wanted to do. I'm so forgetful about everything and i never feel like I can talk about my feelings and when I find someone to talk to they call me selfish and how I use and manipulate them when it was never my intention, even when before I was their shoulder to cry on and was there for them always. I want as much quality time with others as possible and everyone feels so far away. I have these boots of creativity of drawing and writing to not even picking up a pencil.

And I know self diagnosis isn't the way to go, so what's the best way to bring this up to my psychiatrist? God I felt so alone in the way I am for so long, and it's been getting worse. I see my actions later and I get angry to how I reacted to saying "well they deserved it" to "i should kill myself they are the best thing on Earth and I'm the problem they did nothing wrong" 

If I could talk to anyone here, if anyone's just willing to talk to me it would be appreciated. I just finally feel like I'm not alone for the first time.