Trigger warning.. death.. 

I know I titled this thanatophobia. But I don’t think I have the phobia. It’s just something that scares me. Just like every other person. 

But I just need to vent a little..
I am absolutely terrified of dying. Not the act of dying. But just of being dead. Once you die you’re just nothing, for the rest of eternity, it’s just blackness. And that part there just absolutely terrifies me. I don’t ever want to die. 

Yeah, I know, you won’t even know you’re dead. But the fact is, I won’t be living this life anymore. I won’t ever live another life again. I won’t be enjoying hanging out with family, or my pets anymore. Or enjoying the sunset. Or the new cool games/movies they’ve got coming out every year. 

I will sit up crying for an hour because I can’t stop myself from thinking of this stuff. 

Thankfully this fear doesn’t stop me from living my life, but it does absolutely scare me and raises my anxiety through the roof when I actually let myself sit and think about it. I’ve even had panic attacks because of it. 

Life just isn’t fair.