Triggers for addiction, divorce....

I was a kid with an overbite and crooked teeth, really crooked teeth. Naturally this brought in some bullying then some really unhealthy anxiety levels. I still remember the panic as a kid. 

My parents divorced before my teenage years and I still remember the fights, the screaming, the throwing of things, the custody fights. I still remember vividly, years later. 

I remember being teased about my physical appearance in middle school, then high school. I remember never wanting to open my mouth to smile because my teeth were so bad. I actively avoided smiling. Because then someone would see my teeth. 

Then the sweating happened. I would sweat heavily from my face when under stress, which was 90% of the time. All of the “why are you sweating?” observations did not help my cause. 

Later I would get my teeth fixed but the psychological damage was done. It was burned deep into my soul. 

In my early 20s I was fed up. I went to see a doctor. I was prescribed a benzodiazepine. Me being so obsessed with my anxiety was just happy to have found a “solution”. No more anxiety, full confidence and new opportunities. 

Many good things happened during this period. I got married, made strides at work and did things that would normally scare the life out of me. 

With that came a 4 year addiction. The drug stopped working. I didn’t know that this was a short term drug. My doctor happily refilled this same prescription for years. 

Now, I’m 28. Trying to hang on to my sanity. I never once thought that I’d be addicted to pills. I became physically dependent. I avoided drugs because I was scared but somehow ended up hooked on prescription medicine. I’m in the process of being off of them. 

My only option is to come off these meds. I never knew it would be so hard. 

Now my anxiety is back full force. I’m in panic mode all the time. This is no way to live.  I thought I had an answer to my anxiety. I was wrong. Why am I like this? Why do I have to suffer with this disease every moment of my waking life?

Anxiety dominates my life.