I (61m) have lived with depression my entire life. Sure there have been temporary, short periods of time that it lessens and I feel up for a time. But I always seem to wind up here.
This latest boutique is pretty bad. I have an ok marriage to a great woman that loves me more than I can understand.  She's the most optimistic,  cheerful, positive person I've ever known. Still don't know how we wound up together. We've been married for 34 years. No children, just didn't happen for us and then we decided not to try harder for them. Our sex life is nonexistent. Partially because we're both out of shape and well, it would be difficult.
Last few years I've had some serious health issues.
Both knees replaced a year and a half ago, just before covid hit. My rehab was screwed up as a result and my range of motion is limited now.
Last fall, I was admitted to the hospital and told I have heart failure. Total shock as I've never had heart issues, or showed the classic symptoms, Unfortunately,  the cardiologist I had in the hospital and afterward , basically told me I had 5 years left.
Gave me a defibrillator vest to wear, that would shock my heart if it went into arrhythmia or stopped. I was told 'sudden cardiac death' was possible. 
Cheerful news. Luckily, I have a new cardiologist and things are not as grim; I should recover. But still wearing the defibrillator for now.

So the past few months have been bad. I love my wife but I want out of our marriage because I'm just so unhappy and sad in it. There's much more going on but I don't want go deeper into in this post.

 I'm just so tired of it all. I have made an appointment for therapy next week, I hope it helps. Right now I feel   worthless.  Not suicidal, but so tired of it all.
Sorry for the long post, gor those that have read till the end.