Hello

TLDR at the bottom &lt;3

To make this as short and sweet as possible

I'm currently on 150mg wellbutrin and 20mg of adderall for depression/adhd symptoms

6 months ago I went through a traumatic break up. Blah blah blah it sounds dramatic bc it is. Whatever. I'm in therapy. 

I think about my ex every single fkn day. And the utter feeling of loss and confusion and lonliness that comes with it. Probably averaging At least once every 5 minutes. And it's consuming me. And exhausting me. I think about her and if I'm eating I lose my appetite. It's been 6 non stop months about. Whatever. If interested you can see a post I made In /confessions on my profile. Most recent after this. 

I've done every possible thing to try and stop it. Practicing Mindfulness, meditating, you can name it. I've attempted it. 

As winter is here, it is getting even more unbearable. And I am at my ends wit because I cannot stand this any longer. I'm literally going insane

Before all this, I also really struggled with going to new gatherings or talking to new people or hanging out with new people. But now even video chatting my long time friends has been feeling impossible. And I always think about hypotheticals. 

I've gotten better at this, but one time I literally changed my outfit 9 times just in case my ex's mom would happen to see me while I was going to the store. In a city of 110,000 people. When her mom has the same store 10 miles closer to her house than the one I was going to. Idk that's irrelevant

I have a doctor's appointment to talk about medication. My PCP is obviously educated, but it would really help me to hear from people who actually have the feeling I do and have the experience of their meds and what works

So Id really love any suggestion on a possible medication. I think I'd prefer a type like wellbutrin where you take every day and it has to build up in your system. Idk

TLDR: I'm going insane from a break up 6 months ago and with winter impending I just know that I need more help than concious decision making to help me survive and be able to actually live my life