I'm damaged goods, an abomination, a freak of nature. It's no surprise I'm a mistake. I simply don't belong here.
I feel like an alien. Lost, like everyone but me got the guide to life. A compass to help them navigate. I'm disadvantaged; 
like a person with crutches who is expected to not only compete with professional athletes in a sprint, but to keep up with them.
Having a debilitating illness is hard enough without having to pretend like you are normal. 

And I'm tired of pretending I'm not broken. Tired of fighting demons others are privileged enough to not face them. To come up
with excuses, reasons and stories to hide the fact that my brain for some fuckall reason is really different. I'm tired of being incompetent, of not being able to rely on my own self or emotions, not knowing
if I'm over-reacting or under-reacting to a situation, if my brain is making up shit or not. Tired of dissociating. Tired of being paranoid. Tired of freaking out and having full-blown panic attacks for things that are easy for people to do without a thought. Tired of the constant paranoia and sadness. Tired of my body always being in fight-or-flight mode. Tired of the delightful physical illnesses and pain I get, because apparently I bought depression during a sale and got a sweet little “buy one get a zillion free!” deal.