When I see something that remind me of my ex or see any post from him. I get chilly feeling fast and feel depressed all over again. Then I would constantly think about him and talk about him. I feel it’s unfair to me that I still struggling while he doesn’t look like he’s struggling about break up. 

Few days ago, he made a drastic change, he cut his hair short. He swore he will never cut his hair short because he had a long hair. Now I feel lied to because he said he would never. But that moment, I felt so defeated because he seem happy and all good. My depression just took over fast then few hours later, now I’m feeling apathetic and don’t have fukin clue how to stop this. 

I should be happy about moving across America and being far from this state but I can’t stop think about him. We broke up in December and my first good love. It took lot of my anxiety to trust him and let him in then he just dumped few months later.

I was in bad place with depression when it happened. Now it become frequently and now it’s affecting my sleep. I sleep 3-5 hours a day while have to work 12 hours overnight shifts. 

I just feel so defeated and apathetic. Few weeks ago, I said I’m happy that we are not together but why do I still feel depressed about him?