Hey guys, I'm writing this post to get my thoughts out and share my experience, mainly because I feel like I do not want to feel left alone in all of this awful life ruining experience of mine and that being on the internet I can be more open about it. Since six months ago, due to a traumatic experience, I started experiencing crazy bad, almost unbearable constant anxiety. Six months ago, I was being left alone in my office at work with a gay friend of mine, and I was working on a presentation. While I was showing him the slides, I felt I was in extreme danger because I thought he was flirting with me and I could do nothing about it (I thought that if I told him I was unconfortable and scared by the situation I would have been accused to be homophobe and lost my job) , making me run in fight or fight mode, really hoping that the awful situation was gonna end as fast as possible. However, when it did end, I felt like my cheeks were very hot and flushed out due to the extreme anxiety and stress I was experiencing, and I dont know why I have been scared that I was having feelings for this dude, like I was falling in love with him, which is absurd because I'm not gay nor interested in any man by no means, I know it was misattribution of arousal. Nevertheless, the thought and the anxiety related to me being possibly becoming gay stick with me, and this is where the nightmare began. The anxiety never went away, I started having panic attacks at night, could not sleep, basically I started being terrorized of the possibility of being gay and that the relationship I have with my girlfriend, which I truly love like anything else in this world, was gonna finish and be ruined by all of this. The combination of the two fears started really obsessing me, and I think I developed an OCD condition where I fear of having falled in love for a man and the fear of losing my girlfriend. By now, I am 100% sure I am not gay nor attracted to guys by all means, I checked it a countless amount of times, the thought of even kissing a man literally causes me to puke, but I dont know why the fear always stucks with me and the anxiety never leaves, with intrusive thoughts about me being in love with this guy causing me extreme anxiety responses, even if I know those are irrational, causing me the urge to act on my compulsions to check that I am not gay in a sensless attempt to reduce my anxiety. Right not I'm working with a therapist, and it slightly works as she is giving me different points of views in the situation and that all I am doing is to just check the readiness of my protective system. I really, REALLY want this bullshit to be over and start living my life back once again, happy and careless with my girlfriend, with these stupid thoughts and anxiety out my fucked up brain, but at this point I dont know what to do anymore... 

Sorry for the long post, had a lot of stuff to spit out