I'll realise I've made a mistake--and it's usually a careless mistake, which somehow makes it worse--and I'll get really upset and want to blame it on others. The logical part of me knows they're not responsible, but the emotional part of me doesn't want to feel like I fucked up, because that'll make me feel disappointed in myself and make me look bad in front of others.

When I was growing up, my dad would belittle me and point out my faults and mistakes all the time, so I don't know if it's just a holdover from the abuse, or if it's a BPD thing. (Both?)

I've gotten good about explicitly verbally taking responsibility ("My mistake. I did or didn't do X.") so that I acknowledge for myself and let the other people present know that I'm not upset at them. But I haven't yet got to the point that it doesn't bother me when I make a mistake or fail.

I messed up a pizza for four that I was making tonight. It's two hours later and I'm still worked up because I know that the people I was making it for are less likely to ask me to make pizza in the future.

But to end on a positive note: writing this out made me realise I need to practice some sort of emotion regulation. I'm doing my half-smile, and it is helping a bit. Now maybe I'll listen to some happy music or watch a comedy or something.

What do I do about fucking up the pizza? Should I make it again tomorrow night, but properly?