It’s been one year today since my breakup. Happy anniversary to me! Despite each of my previous relationships spanning multiple years I’ve never celebrated the anniversary of being in a relationship but I am sure as hell celebrating this anniversary of me being single.

I never thought I’d be able to say this but it’s been good for me. Accepting the constant, indefinite loneliness has been hard but it feels a lot better than the confusion of not understanding why I was often being treated badly. I consider myself a hopeless romantic so I never thought I’d be okay alone. But after a long time of trying to understand why I could never attain a healthy relationship despite putting so much effort in I realized that my romantic nature was exactly what had been getting me into trouble. I was so content with giving love that I didn’t care that I wasn’t receiving any back. Looking for love and partnership at such a young age has proven to not be a good decision for me. Now is the right time for me to be on my own.

Another anniversary for me is approaching soon after this, and that is the anniversary of the beginning of my relationship with the best therapist I’ve ever had. I don’t know what the future holds which is scary but I try to remind myself that can also be exciting too. I wonder if I will ever regain the ability to trust again like I once was able to but I am learning to let go of that fear in recognizing that it isn’t today’s problem. It’s been a great year because I’ve learned I’m stronger than I thought I could be. I’ve been working hard at moving forward, becoming a better person, and treating myself with the kindness I deserve. It isn’t always easy. I’m still learning a lot and making mistakes along the way but now that it’s just me I am able to focus more clearly on holding myself to the standard of trying my very best and giving my all in everything I do rather than giving that effort and energy to someone who didn’t deserve it.

Cheers, r/BPD. I’m not too active of a poster but I’m right there with all of you. Thanks for being here for me too.