 I am 23 and I have all the shortcomings one can have. I am clumsy, irresponsible, lazy, procrastinator, immature, can't seem to understand or remember things quickly(brain-dead), fat . I am neither artistic nor innovative, takes time to understand even easiest of things . I take things lightly even if it is important.  I mess up even the smallest of things. I am in college, but my grades are not that good here . I can't hold a conversation with other people , so no friends. I try to talk to people I know, but it's just one-sided. They don't try to put effort. I have even told them to invite me when they go to eat or hang out, but they seem to ignore me and go out with their own group, so I eat alone all the time. I try to compose myself, but later on I feel sad inside. It seems like I have a negative personality and people just tend to move away from me. Due to all these things, I don't feel like going out , talking with other people, bathing, or eating . I feel like hating myself , and I do badly. I have tried not to hate myself, but when these things happen, I just hate it. I smoke like 5 cigarettes in a row . I am not addicted to it. I just smoke it because it feels frustrating to carry on. Same with masturbation. I feel so frustrated doing everything alone that I almost cry. It just makes me feel like a loser and pathetic person, which I am. Just wanted to rant here .Hope I am not ignored here too. I just want to change myself.