My mother passed when I was 10 years old and my father had left when I was 2, I have all types of attachment issues from losing them both as a child. Now Im 21 and everyday I have this horrible feeling of the last 11 years flashed by and Im the miserable adult who still feels like the little girl my mother left behind. 

I have no idea how to fill the void, I try with girlfriends and its only so long until the honeymoon phase is over and the paranoia and fear of abandoment set in. The only family I have left is grandparents and they have never been able to be that nuturing- Im the child they didnt ask for. 

My best friend is the only person I talk to and he has his own problems and he gets frustrated with me and my emotions so I keep it to myself until I implode.

Ive tried therapy for 5 years and its always been the same shit, breathing techniques, neural pathways etc.

I feel like this scared little girl who desperately needs to be held and loved and I cant ask for it and when I have it I wonder how long it is until it leaves