 

I really don't have any friends whom I can talk my heart out i.e. share all my lows ( which I am having rn ) and my highs ( Im hoping for this :( ) . Basically I am shy person ( I hate it ) , So all the friends that I have made since now has been either the other person made me comfortable enough so that I became their friend , in such a case usually what happens is that they just sort of use you . Although , I try to not think that they are using me but thats what ends up happening . I had this one friend in high school , he liked a girl and in retrospect all I could think about him was , he using me as a person for venting out his feelings about her and things that happened between her and him after he confessed his love . After high school we never stayed in contact . So, what I am trying to say is such friendships usually ends up being one sided .

So , second way I made friends is with people( Im in college rn ) who knows my native language , Since I am living in a place where a different language is spoken ( which I dont really know ) . I could freely speak with these people but problem lies in their priorities . I am bit ambitious person , and I could do all the hard work to achieve my goals If I want to . But these guys are lazy as fuck , just want to sit on their ass all day doing nothing . As I have said these are the only people I made as friends in the first 2 years of my college I dont know what I am gonna do next 2 years . And , there is this one who doesnt really have many friends but he mostly talks me me and this one more person . There was this one time the other guy was going home from college , my friend really went to the station and was really sad on sending him home . He even posted a story ( which he rarely does ) . But I doubt he has same amount of affection towards me ( although I know , him and me doesn't really have much in common as in not much interested in photography or design which they both like but I still kinda feel bad that I don't really have even a single friend like that ) .

Jumping back to my school days , I used to have this one guy as a friend . Basically we were friends because he was also a shy guy and most of the people didn't really like him because he is kind of an asshole , bit of a selfish guy ( not in every aspect , he is rich guy so not really selfish on that part but on allocating time to meet up a friend when he needs to talk to someone) . He also does not really have much of intelligence . So , on that aspect we never really matched . But like I said in high school time I didn't really talk with many people as I was shy . I really could have made better friends who could have been similar to me in the aspects of understanding and ambition . Now , I am a bit sad on that part .

The only time my life was so perfect and good was on with the friends that made when I was preparing for pre-college examinations . Those were the best times . But those people slowly got drifted away as everyone went to study at different universities and it was hard to keep in touch .

Thing that worries me is that in search of making friends and not been able to I am getting depressed and what makes me more depressing is that I am not able to work towards my other goals (more important ones ) that want to achieve in life . See I am currently in a highly reputed college So I have got the opportunities but I really don't want to waste them by being depressed of not having friends .

Forgive me If my English is not good . Would really love some thoughts or advices on the post . Thank you in advance .