Yesterday people were partying and all and I hate it so I usually don't go, I made the effort and went out playing bowling with a couple of friends but as soon as I started walking back home I just wanted to throw myself off a bridge.

I'm about to be very lonely as all the people in my life are busy and I'm being left behind unable to do or achieve anything, and this helps feeling lonely but I just really don't have it  in me to do anything, and my partner is also leaving me because I'm always sad. Honestly it's alright, but I'll just keep worrying about them even if they leave me and this is just gonna make it harder, because I won't be able to keep them close to me, and they will move on and do all the things I fear they'd do.

Basically I never achieve anything, couldn't even finish the first year of uni, I still have no idea what I want to do and feel like my hands are empty, and I'm about to be very lonely, honestly I feel lost.

I really want to take a break and take a week off and visit my favourite cities with a friend but I don't think I can do it again because people, mainly my family, would see it as lazyness, and would criticize me, and people would say I'm boring because I always visit the same places. Nobody would come with me anyway. I also fear I'm just using the bad things I have to go through as an excuse to go on a holiday. Meh, even this rant was lame - I usually put a lot of effort into everything I do but I'm just so tired.