I am seriously starting to lose faith in myself and my abilities. I try so so hard to get results and as soon as I get them and people begin praising me I self sabotage myself completely! 

I have no idea why I do this! I'm exhausted with working so hard and putting in so much effort just for my BPD brain to take over at massively inconvenient moments and destroy everything I've worked so hard for. 

I feel like I'm literally at war with myself! I have no idea why i do these things, I lose my control and when I gain it back  it's like waking up from sleep walking to find out I've robbed the bank.