So over the last few months I've gone from trying to help as many users as I can, to avoiding /r/BPD. I've become way too frustrated and often feel like my posts that are carefully thought out and take a lot of time to write are not seen by enough people, due to having to repeat myself too many times, and feeling as if some asking for help are being half-assed by not searching for answered questions first.

Negativity out of the way, I recently found my inbox lit up by two things. Firstly, by a notification that I had been chosen to join an exclusive subreddit for gold recipients that actually had thoughtful and important comments gilded (not just random popularity gold). Wow. My comments were seen by a real live person that really thought what I had to say was worthwhile and great!!!!!! o_O

Secondly, somebody had decided to take the time and money to single me out and privately send me gold. I know gold is just some pixels on a screen, and it's helping reddit survive, but it means a lot more than that to me. In a generation where we can't be bothered buying a cool app because it's 99c, someone that spends money on you to get nothing in return? And takes the time to do it?

These two events together really filled up my mental tank, and helped me to remember that even if I spend a butt load of time helping one or two people that see my comments, it's still life changing to those people, and it's still a massive deal. It reminded me why I started all those months ago on this forum, and why I bother putting hours of my real time into a bunch of pixels and binary code.

**All in all** I want to say thankyou to those that have gone the extra mile to show appreciation and make me feel important and helpful in this world, and even those who just let me know that I helped a bit or that my comment was thought about. Thankyou to those original handful of people whom I always saw around and always gave their time as well, and that I felt happy to comment alongside. And kudos to everyone here that is trying so hard and reaching out for help - whether you're high functioning, low functioning, completely at the bottom, non BPD, recovered.....the fact that you're all taking time and trying to open a door to somewhere means that you all have a a much bigger chance at getting past this shit and living a really positively memorable life.

I may not go back to posting as much as I did, but I'll try a little more now :D I'm going through a tough time but in the last year I have recovered so freaking much and I want to pass that on to everyone.

&lt;3