Content warning repeat: sexual assault 

I’ve been in a good place for a while. Trying not to lean too much on my friends, therapy twice a week. Making good decisions. 

A man who sexually assaulted me last year reached out tonight to try to “clear up the misunderstanding”. He wanted me to “see his point of view”, and to explain that he’s “not that kind of guy”. 

I ended up calling and having a panic attack on the phone with someone who hasn’t been my friend in ages. I sent an apology but feel like an asshole. I’m crying and screaming into a pillow so that my kid doesn’t hear me. 

I just wanted to be well. I wanted to be a good mom and a good friend and get my life figured out, and now I’m a screaming pile of hurt and anger and I just want someone to love me and take care of me. 

I live alone. I’ve pushed away most of my friends. The only ones I have left aren’t people I can lean on.