I really don't know how to fix it. You blame me and your probably right... I try absolutely everything I can think of and it's never even close to enough. It's always my fault. I can taste the disappointment when you look at me, I can hear it when you say my name.... I wanted your birthday today to be perfect and I just made it perfectly impossible for you. I spent a week and a half trying to get a loan for even $100 so I could take you to dinner. It's not my fault I got scammed. I spent all my birthday money getting your gifts for your birthday, still not enough. I hate myself but I still give all I have to you.i spend so much energy trying to do things for you I forget almost everything else... Im really gonna just end it, lay on the train tracks outside until the horn blows too close to roll out from under. Because nothing changes. I'm still a dumb broke loser. Sorry you wasted a year on me. I'll never get to see that ring on your finger...