I had to lose the love of my life to find out that I have BPD. 
It’s extremely hard to accept that I was emotionally abusing her unconsciously.
I feel like I won’t be able to fix it and I honestly cannot handle it. How awful of a person does it make me that I’m going around hurting everyone who has had any kind of relationships with me. And the worst part is that I don’t even know that I’m doing that to people.
I don’t wanna live like this.
I hate who I am as a person. I hate myself so fucking much.
I have too much guilt and hate towards myself.