When you have BPD, it feels like you're a ticking bomb who can go off at any moment and neither you, God, FP nor anyone else can know when, where and how it'll happen.

While it varies from person to person according to the severity of their BPD, I've come to realize there are certain patterns that constitute this vicious cycle of seemingly never-ending triggers.

Two nights ago, everything turned horribly for me and FP because I had allowed myself to be trapped in this chain reaction of triggers. Because we're incredibly close, she was affected greatly by it and needed a break. The downfall was that, against my own rationalization, fears and doubts had been triggered that haunted me throughout the next day until in the evening.

I've been very fortunate to have met such a reliable person because she approached me with understanding and patience after that break and we talked things out properly and we're both now feeling a lot better.

Looking in retrospect, all of that had been caused because I failed to communicate properly during these heated moments and I didn't step back when my emotions were being triggered.

We get triggered, we are simply overtaken by these emotions and we end up creating situations where our initially triggered emotions / thoughts feed off of them.

The aftermath is a horrible mental and emotional state and it can leave scars for your FP and your relationship.

It's not easy at all holding your composure during these moments, but we have to try remind ourselves of the pain we'd inflict upon ourselves and our relationship with our FP if we let these feelings flow.

That's why I've realized it's important to take a big step back when you're triggered, asses what you're feeling and why you're feeling this way and think of how to communicate these things to your FP in a composed manner.

You can do this. You can put up a fight and not let yourself be completely engulfed by these triggers.