Hi everyone. I hope I can bounce some thoughts off of this community. It’s all sort of roiling inside of me. No one understands.

So I just want peace. There is so much tumult and uncertainty and evil in the world and in our society, I can scarcely stand it. I don’t have much in common with my friends (with whom I barely even speak), and so often I feel alone in several ways: in my feelings, convictions, likes, dislikes, etc. I am miserable. 

I am also ungrateful. It makes me feel like such a bad person that I cannot find any gratitude in any of my body. Maybe it’s because I’ve heard “it could be worse” so many times, or maybe because I think things that I am supposed to be grateful for (food, shelter, water, access to information) are so basic that I think they should be rights more than privileges. I understand that our world is not fair and that it could be worse and that I have a lot going for me objectively speaking, but I just can’t find it in me to rejoice or ingratiate in any of it. I find no joy anywhere. Does this make me a bad person? I think it probably does. I often feel that maybe I deserve to feel the way I do, and to be alone. It can’t be a coincidence, can it?