*\*Disclaimer-This is my first post ever on reddit so I really apologize if this post is repetitive and contains grammatical errors. I'm anxious..I think\**

Hello all,

I'm 24m and undiagnosed. I  just want to make sure I'm not overthinking things so I want to check in with you lovely folks in hopes someone can guide me to the right direction. 

It starts in grade school. I would be one of the few kids that was slow in understanding class material.  It also didn't help that my 2 older siblings would always hit me and yell at me because I couldn't comprehend basic math like subtraction and multiplication. I would dread going home because It was always a lot of hitting, yelling, and crying.  So whenever the teacher would call on me to answer a question, I would guess the wrong answer and all the kids would laugh at me. It was the same thing going on to intermediate and high school. I would push people who wanted to be friends with me away and would always be on my own. I feel like this is where social anxiety began for me.

Fast forward to present day, I am married to an amazing woman who I met on-line and got a good job. I'm a temporary supervisor until further notice in my office job which I enjoy but here's the thing.. I am still suffering from what I think is social anxiety. When a co-worker would come to my cubicle to discuss with me in job related issue, I wouldn't make eye contact with them when giving the solution to that issue. My heart would beat so fast and my muscles would tense up whenever someone would talk to me. They can't tell what's going on because I'm masking my emotions. Sure I would make jokes and in turn, I'd laugh at their jokes but I'm absolutely dying inside feeling like a damn imposter. Masking only helps at work but then when I get home. I'm on edge, I get angry real fast because of the grudges I hold, I would cry out of the blue because of a sad or hurtful memory that I'd randomly think of.  I feel bad for my wife that she has to come home to see me sad and angry. I thought pursuing a supervisory role would finally help me with this issue because I believed that being constantly exposed to human interaction would help but I feel it only getting worse. I'm not even being paid to be a temp supervisor but needed to take the bullet for my coworkers because most of them told me they looked up to me and there's no one else yet to fill the shoes.

I have more to unload but don't want to bore you folks. I'm so sorry for this repetitive post. I just wanted to see if you folks think I need to see a psychiatrist.

Thank you.