My last therapy session I decided to be open and honest with my therapist about this..suicidal revenge plan I had thought about for..honestly 9-10 months (ever since my ex fiancee left me, and then used me, led me on months later, fed my head with all kinds of shit, thought she was coming back)

Long story short: Severely heartbroken, was led on, used, friends abandoned me, this is probably the worst mentally I've been in 7 years, and abused lsd just to feel happy and gave myself drug induced psychosis which made me go batshit insane (no one was hurt physically). 

I straight up told my therapist that if I could, I'd love to tie up everyone who's ever hurt me, and force them to watch me slowly kill myself in front of them as a way to traumatize and punish them for hurting me. To watch them cry, hear them screaming at me to stop, for them to be sickened by what they're having to see. 

From abusers, ex girlfriends (mostly my ex fiancee), old friends, bullies, etc. I'd want them all to watch me rip myself apart. 

&amp;#x200B;

My therapist kinda just looked at me like: Yeah you can't be doing that. You still got those thoughts?

&amp;#x200B;

Me not wanting to be put in the psych ward for the 3rd time this year already: Nope. Not at all.