I was diagnosed with clinical depression in Feb 2022. I have been depressed for a long time now, and the diagnosis was definitely a blessing because it gave me access to the medication I needed. I wish I could say I have the support though, but no one around me seems to understand the brevity of my disorder.

People expect me to function normally. And I completely understand that, because it is what I strive to be one day. Free from all this pain and sadness. But no one seems to understand that it is something I am really struggling with right now. For example, I moved states recently to get to university and it took me a long time to settle in. As a result, I couldn't keep in touch regularly with one of my closest friends back home. I also had a lot of work as I was applying for jobs so I couldn't make time for long conversations. Additionally, my depression makes me shut down for days, I can barely get out of bed some days, much less talk to anyone. But this friend of mine took offence from that and texted me some really mean things about how I'm an absent friend. That conversation was over but I couldn't help my condition, so I went to survival mode: trying to be functional and get a job.

Fast forward to today, I actually got an offer that I wanted to tell that friend about. So I searched for their chat to call them and noticed that they have blocked me. 4 days had passed since last contact. I was really upset because achieving this was really big for me and I really wanted to share it with them. 

Similarly, people don't seem to understand my low energy levels, or my sensitivity to certain things. I have to go through a lot, crying in the bathroom till I'm okay and "normal" enough for these people around me. 

I don't know what I'm doing wrong in communicating to my friends that I am severely depressed (they already know I'm on medication) and it is something that has actual consequences. It is not the glamourized version that is shown in the movies. They expect me to be a fully functional person but I am anything but that right now.

I feel like no one will ever understand this and me. I feel so alone.