It all started when I finished the school year (employee) and went on summer break.  A friend of mine who has recently been getting into fitness suggested that we start going to the gym and get back into shape.  I have no problem with going to the gym and enjoy it.  I gained about 20 pounds during the pandemic season and I hadn't exercised in awhile so I figured it would be good.

So we went 3 days my first week off, he's been using my guest pass that I have on my gyms account as he didn't have his own membership.  Because he's about to go back to school, he had told me in the past that he really wanted to get fit before starting so that his mental health and body image was good before having to complete coursework.  Now I personally am okay with my body, I realize that I could lose some pounds but it doesn't prevent me from hanging out with friends or showing my face.  My friend is very critical of his body image despite looking fine, he's always struggled with weight control since high school.  

Since he told me he had fitness goals and a timeline, I told him that he should get his own membership so that him going to the gym isn't dependent on me and my guest pass.  He then said something along the lines of "well maybe if your gf starts going with us then I'll get my own pass."  I replied saying I would really prefer if he got his own.  He then said he probably wouldn't go by himself and it's hard to get himself motivated to do so without someone else.  I told him that's not my problem and not really fair to me, as I've had a really rough school year and want to have the autonomy to do as I please this summer, noting that I didn't mind going to the gym.  He then says "Does this situation actually give you this much anxiety?".  At this point I'm just pissed and not even anxious.  He said "If so I'll figure out the gym on my own, I don't want you to feel pressured". I again explained myself and said that yes, I don't want the pressure and yes, I have a lot of anxiety in general right now.  About 20 minutes pass and he sends a wall of text talking about how the reason he wants me to go with him is because he sees a lot of the same anxieties he used to have and that it was due to a bad relationship, eating like shit and drinking frequently and getting comfortable in life, and that all that made him fragile.  He further explained that he's seen so many people have that same pattern during the pandemic and that it's detrimental to health (yeah no shit).  He said now that he's been walking a bunch, eating right and exercising, he feels "fuckin great".  He then did a callback to something he remembered me saying in highschool paraphrasing "Man I wish we could just hangout sometimes and not have to drink or get high" which I feel he was using to make me feel guilty about life choices 10 years later.  

Now I'll admit I ate and drank like shit during the pandemic season, hence the 20 lbs gained.  I never once denied to him that eating right and exercising was helpful.  Now that we're coming out of the pandemic I've been making strides to cook more simple and healthy food at home and to get some exercise here and there, but clearly not up to his standards.  Been taking a break from weed but still drinking fairly frequently now that I'm on summer.

After that wall of text I sent him one more message before blocking him.  I made a callback to the title of this story saying: "so is you saying 'Does this situation actually give you this much anxiety?' supposed to help me? Dick move man, fuck that.  I was simply trying to set a boundary.  I didn't ask or need your full psycho analysis, and I've never said that diet and exercise doesn't help out but Jesus Christ man, see ya."  Now I'm not sure if I'm over reacting in this situation or if blocking him was called for, but that felt like gaslighting to me and I don't need that. No one needs that.

Thanks for reading. Any constructive feedback is welcome.