After being friendless for almost all twenty years of my life- aside from the few who wanted to use me for my pool and trampoline- I thought I’d made friends. Now I’m ghosted. Why? Idk. No one ever tells me. Almost twenty and I can’t Fido anything without my parents being on my back- I’m barely allowed to apply for jobs. I had one- quit it because I didn’t like how I was being treated. Decide to do something that makes me happy- and I get screamed at for it. Everything is my fault. I was okay this morning, now I hate myself and am paranoid. I’m hearing things that aren’t there- I don’t know why I’m like this and I hate it. There is no god because if there was he wouldn’t be this cruel. I can’t name a single person who like or cared for me. And realizing my childhood was all abuse- yeah I really don’t like myself now. My anxiety is nonexistent. I’m mocked for it, why are people cruel? Every person I’ve been near has been hurtful. I don’t want to do anything anymore. Not a person likes me and seeing everyone act like they’re nice to me is murdering. The only one I have is my dog. And he’s 13. So it seems when he goes, I guess I’ll go to. Granted he’s in great health. And I love him to bits. But leaving him is the only reason I’m still here. My only friend for my entire life. The only one who has never hurt me. My parents buy me things to keep me around. And I have no option. They control all my money everything. Never even had a real doctors appointment in adulthood. Only the doctor I’ve gone to since I was a kid. And my anxiety because of a bad storm is nonexistent. If it rains I get things packed and ready to go. And being home alone when there’s so many storms capable of tornadoes d doesn’t help. I’m scared and whenever I speak to either parent- I’m mocked. Out of all the years I suffered the worst forms of bullying and abuse, today just takes the cake.