I really need to rant about this bc it's been bugging me so much, so thank you for giving my post a read and/or reply 

I work an incredibly boring reception job at a gym and I kinda hate it, which makes me feel very ungrateful. My job is so extremely easy and I have so much free time to watch movies on my phone, scroll through Instagram and reddit, watch youtube videos, really anything like that as long as I stay at the desk. Sounds like a dream job doesnt it? Most people would love to be in my position (I mean I only get paid minimum wage which sucks but whatever) I shouldn't hate it so much.

And honestly it's not so much that I hate it, it's more like it makes me feel very depressed. I get bored so easily and I'm alone the entire shift with really no one to talk to. Watching movies and shows and YouTube all day gets really boring after a while. Theres only so much I can watch! I have bpd and I get a lot of negative self thoughts. I do 9 hour shifts and that's 9 hours of thinking about all the shit that stresses me out. Or 9 hours of thinking about how much I hate myself with very few distractions. A lot of the times I cry at the desk bc I'm so bored I get so frustrated. 

Ik I could just quit if it's really that bad, but I've done that before and I hated my new job even more than the one I'm at now and I asked for my current job back. I'm scared that's going to happen again. And what if this time they dont give me my job back Plus I get a free gym membership with it and I've been really wanting to start working out for my metal health and I can just workout easily after or before my shift. 

Any advice or kind/encouraging words are welcomed ♡