My gf has always been in pretty toxic, abusive relationships. This has caused the way she communicates to be on the harsh side because she is so used to being attacked verbally (and unfortunately also physically).

I do not communicate like this whatsoever. So whenever she is upset about something, she comes at me sideways in an often accusatory, mean way. I, of course, respond by being hurt. She can't see that how she speaks is hurtful. She sees my being upset as not being able to look at my faults or own up to my behavior. She then says she can never talk about her feelings because I react wildly. But, that isn't the case. I react when the person I love is rude and harsh to me and then makes me feel crazy for being upset by it.

I have spent years in therapy for my BPD and I am hypercritical of my traits. It just feels so demeaning to have someone constantly assume that every part of my character and my flaws is directly related to it.