Hello,

I’m curious to know what the other signs of BPD are. I’ve looked it up online, but I don’t necessarily think I fit them. On the other hand, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was hospitalized almost two years ago, but it’s never sat well with me. 

I don’t have periods of mania, but when I was hospitalized my anger was getting so out of control that I lost it and called the cops on myself. My mom and I were fighting so much, that I just couldn’t take it anymore. It was nice being in the hospital to be honest. I felt at peace, and my mom started to realize I wasn’t faking being unwell. 

I have always had mood swings, but not like people with bipolar do. I do think of suicide on and off. I’ve been good for a while since I’ve been on lithium. I’m not nearly as suicidal, and my mood swings aren’t like they once were. However I’m starting to feel the pull of suicide these past couple of days. 

I’ve also avoided dating because I don’t like the way I become. I feel like when I first like someone I put my all into it, but then when things go bad I freak out and try to hurt them to the core. I’ve done it with friendships too. My relationships can become stormy, but I just try to avoid people and not deal with it. My best friend is the only person I have not done this to. My sister and I are close as well, but I’ve been struggling with her pending marriage. I feel like I’m losing her. I know it’s part of life, but I just feel like things will not be the same anymore. We have fought,  but then we are okay after a while. 

As I’m reading this maybe I don’t have BPD and it is bipolar disorder. What do you think?