So, obviously, I have bpd. I’ve had years and years of therapy and I’m theoretically in a good place in my life right now I guess (I don’t think I could ever feel truly happy but I have a loving partner and friends, a job where I can actually be myself, etc.). 

I’m still in contact with my parents but only on a superficial level. I’ve never really had an emotional connection with them (main reason I have bpd probably) and I still don’t, but I don’t blame them or feel hate towards them anymore these days. Because.. yeah, they fucked up, but I really believe they fucked up believing that they were doing what was best for me. Probably based on how their parents raised them in their dysfunctional ways.

But anyway; my mom has been diagnosed with cancer quite a few years ago and it’s really starting to look like the end is very near now. For myself I feel ‘at peace’ (or whatever you’d call it) about losing her, but lately I’m wondering more and more if that’s.. just that. And that’s fine. Having bpd, being quite emotionally traumatized and stuff I feel like now should be the time for asking questions, or.. do something, but in reality I can’t really think of anything there’s left to say or do. Also I think having cancer didn’t change much in my moms mad skills avoiding/ignoring emotions so.. yeah.  

Sorry for the long read. But I’m curious how other people dealt with their (toxic) parent passing away.