So I started dating my coworker after a few weeks of my new apprenticeship because.. well you know how it is.
It's serious for me since I really started ending up having the best human connection to him I've had in years. I would have skipped if it wasn't like this because I know it's not the best thing to do to date a coworker. I wouldn't risk my job for just sex. But my boss told me she doesn't care what I do with my coworkers in my free time anyway.

So a coworker which works in the same department as him talked to him to our boss. She didn't close the door and everyone in the department could hear it clearly.

My dumb ass first talked to her about it, I asked her if she has talked to the guy I'm seeing before going to our boss because I think it's not great to complain about someone before talking to the person who it is about. Then I told him about it, there was some drama between them, he confronted her about talking behind his back and this work week was awful. I don't have any place I can go to rest in my breaks, they're doing construction work, it's loud and there's basically no break room, you can't even go to the kitchen because our boss started using it for meetings. I felt extremely stressed out anyway. So on Wednesday some guy who is known for behaving aggressively and weirdly came in and called me a snitch in front of my whole department and that he's just saying what everyone thinks. I just brushed it off, a coworker tried to comfort me but only after work it really hit me. The guy I'm seeing later told me that this weirdo guy also shouted through his department that I've only told him about it because we're fucking and everyone knows.

Wellll. Yesterday I went to work feeling really anxious, my social anxiety was sky high and during the day I had many situations where I felt like I couldn't stop myself from crying but I kept going and somehow managed my emotions. I felt extreme shame already and suddenly I got an e-mail that there's a meeting with my boss and the personnel officer (? I hope that's right, English isn't my native language) about communication in half an hour. I instantly broke and couldn't stop crying. I went to the toilet and tried to calm myself. Someone tried to get in and I could hear they're waiting in front of the door so I had to get out. I went to another room to continue calming down but eventually people needed the room. I tried to escape and get out of the office, but my other boss came in with some visitors and I awkwardly went inside again. I went to the kitchen where two co-workers were sitting, me awkwardly trying not to cry, obvious that I've been crying. I waited for my boss to get away from the front of the kitchen to leave. I decided to go to my other boss and tell her that I'm having troubles calming myself and asking if I could go outside, she said yes and I left the building. 

Well, the talk, they told me I'm not allowed to talk to anyone about it, which makes me anxious to talk about it here, but anyway they feel like they can't trust me, the bad mood in the other department is my fault and they will throw me out if I talk about the meeting or something similar happens again.


I thought it's nothing and messed up, and I feel really ashamed for crying, I feel ashamed for messing up and I feel deeply hurt that they were about to throw me out because I told my friend someone's snitching on him about a non-serious topic. I wouldn't share what my boss says to anyone and I wouldn't ever share any information regarding the company. Everyone knows I'm a hoe who's fucking my coworker. I plan on using the situation to start acting more professional, but I feel like I can't do it, that my social anxiety will make me a mess and that I messed up my reputation like I always do. I feel like no one will take me seriously, I'm an overly emotional hoe. I don't have anywhere to go when my anxiety hits and I really don't know how to deal with this all. I feel like quitting. But then again I don't think I will not mess things up the next time. I cried in front of my boss and everyone. I'm and idiot. They're right they can't trust me because I'm a mess.

And I'm not allowed to talk to my fp about all of this. I feel like they could talk to me and tell me what their concerns are and that I've messed up, but they threatened to throw me out and now are testing me. I don't believe I can do it. It's my first time working, I haven't gone to school in the past and just working itself was already hard, but now my anxiety is 10 times higher.
I will try to interact with anyone just as much as necessary from now on, because clearly I can't handle social situations. And obviously I can't handle this situation without talking to someone. I went into this job thinking i will not get into any private relationships, but it's one of those companies where they all interact quite loosely with each other, did stuff after work together before Corona and our boss made us people who are still learning get into private contact for a project so I let my guards down stupidly.

Could someone give me some advice on how to cope or maybe has experienced something similar and has some thoughts about how the situation will go on? Should I start looking for another job? Will my reputation be an issue or will people stop talking eventually? I would be so thankful for anyone replying or just reading about all of this. I feel so lost. I have school today and on Monday so I have four days to manage all of this. Thank you so much for reading.