Honestly, I just don't get it. 

It's like I try to distract myself with all these goals, resolutions. Eat healthy! Lose weight! Get organized! Life with purpose!

And like... I'm just so bored.

Honestly I fucked up a bunch of relationships in 2018. I don't even know if I care to fix them. Why bother? I mean seriously there are so many people in the world and if I really needed to, I could walk away, change my hair, my identity, whatever and just start over. The only things that bring me joy are hedonistic anyway.

So like idk. Everything just seems like it's not worth fixing.

Life is what we make of it and that jazz but what if it's actually just boring and meaningless and we're all just born to die. And we're all just trying to distract ourselves until we kick the bucket.

I don't even believe in love anymore. The only thing I believe in is man's capacity for evil.