I have nobody to really go to right so I’m gonna throw my mid breakdown thoughts on Reddit. I got diagnosed with depression like a month or two a go, but we still haven’t been able to find time or a good therapist/psychiatrist. I need meds or help or fucking something. Lifting everyday has helped me feel less mentally bogged, but I can’t go a single day without wanting to fucking kill myself. I’ve lost friends, lost interest in hanging out with people, and my social capabilities went down to zero. All I can really do to feel something other than dread is lift weights, then it’s back to the self doubting, husk that I am. I don’t feel human anymore. I’m a fucking husk. I can’t kill myself but I want it 24/7. I don’t know who to turn to. The psychiatrists are too packed to see me, and the therapists fucking suck. I love my parents but I’m so sick of feeling this way. I don’t wanna dump my bullshit on my friends, so maybe strangers works better. What can I do? I gotta wait a month before a psychiatrist can see me, and I can’t fucking do it. Does anything help? I don’t think I can go on any longer, I’m pitifully resorting to Reddit for some sort of advice. Maybe I just want the support I’ll never get from anybody in my life right now, like the conceited little child I. Really am. If anyone has any tips on feeling better I’d appreciate it. Sorry this was long winded and nonsensical but I just want something other than this stupid fucking dread