I feel frozen, like I can’t talk and my brain is a jumbled mess. I’m filled with shame, guilt, and self-hatred for hurting my ex repeatedly so much, and now, he’s moved on and blocked me. He was definitely my FP and we were together for 8 years. I feel unlovable. I have very bad social anxiety, too, so it’s *so hard* to talk to anyone, even to write this. I think I’m hopeless. I’m suicidal. I don’t know what to do. I’m going to AA, I have a sponsor (drinking was a huge problem for me and it made my anger so insanely volatile), I’m going to an outpatient program, I take meds. I just needed to get this out. I have a lot of shame and guilt over how I treated my ex, and over who I am.