I've been feeling let's say "off" for like 4 years now. I tried counseling, even got sent to a mental health clinic for I think 14 days. They thought I was a danger to myself. I wasn't never have been. Other than self sabotaging. I've even tried therapy. But it's honestly hard to get to the root cause of ur issues when you can't even rember anything or the past is just so hazy. I probably have really bad brain fog. Anyways I'm a college drop out. I recently have been actually trying to get a somewhat decent life going. A life where I don't feel so lonely and fucking depressed. I got a job and I'm taking care of my self. With personal hygien and I'm watching what I eat. I'm overweight so I've been trying to lose weight I even reached out to my brother who I rarely talk to for help since he is a personal trainer and I'm finding it really hard to make any progress. And the thanks or reward I get for trying to do better and be better and think positive and hope for a better tomorrow is fucking aches and pains. Exercise can be uncomfortable but I'm in constant pain from my job where I'm on my feet all day and then the exercises I'm trying to do every other day. I'm honestly trying not to complain and just be grateful I'm making money in this shit economy and the fact I don't have to pay bills yet cause I live with my parents and I don't drive. But I still find myself crying at night or during the day at random shit and I still feel the same only worse cause I hurt all the damn time. And now I'm stressed and stress really hasn't been a thing I acknowledge since my short Stent in college. I just want to talk it out and not be told it will get better or "just keep living" cause I'm tired so got damn tired. 4 years in constant darkness does a lot to mentally and physically fuck you up. And with the way this is going I don't know what to do. It's one thing to not be doing anything and ur life is shit. U tell urself it's shit because ur shit, but when ur actively trying to better urself and life is still shit then what does that mean.