My quarantine started pretty late, due to my job not closing until just a couple weeks ago. Since I’ve been home everything has been pretty smooth. I live with my boyfriend and I’ve been enjoying the quarantine, but I’ve noticed I’ve been having nightmares recently. Three, to be exact. In all of them I am in my parents’ old house, where most of the abuse took place. I hate that fucking house. In my nightmares I am still living there, being sent back upstairs into my tiny room in the attic with no windows. My mom would padlock the door with me up there sometimes. In my second nightmare I saw my dad watch me be sent away and he didn’t care. In my first nightmare, my mom found where I currently live (I haven’t spoken to them in years) and she was screaming my name with her demon like voice and kicking the door down. 

Each time I wake up from these nightmares I cry. My boyfriend thankfully is always there to console me. When I told him about the nightmare of her trying to kick the door down he said he’d knock her out before she could have a chance- for what she did to me. These nightmares make me cry because I feel like I can’t escape them. My nightmares are reminders of my previous reality. Right now I live with the love of my life and I feel happy and safe, but I can never escape the trauma. My nightmares bring me back to the reality that I was abused for years and never was able to escape. 

Because of what our parents did to us, I attempted suicide several times even *after* escaping the house. Years later, I found out my younger sister who had ran away from that house also attempted suicide after escaping. My parents still try to call me and I freeze and immediately decline the calls and delete every voicemail without listening. I wish I could escape these nightmares, they are just cruel reminders