I dated a girl for two months, who I thought was amazing. Intelligent, hilarious, kind, strong, positive, warm, caring. Literally everything a woman should be. I've never been loved like that before. I knew she had a rough past - her dad was killed when she was a baby and her mum was sometimes abusive to her. She had self harmed and attempted suicide previously. It broke my heart to hear about what she went through.

At week 3 she mentioned she had something called borderline personality disorder - I didn't know what it was, and I didn't research what it was, because she seemed fine now. Hilariously, I remember thinking "I don't know what that is, but it can't be that bad, nothing on the borderline of anything can be that bad". I almost forgot about it. I was ready to love this woman, and do anything to make her happy.

Then she got angry at me over an innocent joke I made. She forgave me, and everything seemingly went back to normal. She had a lot of stressful things going on in her life. She said she missed me a few days later. A few days after that, she broke up with me. I was heartbroken and confused as to how this happened.

A week later I miraculously stumbled on an article which mentioned BPD. I remembered my ex had it, and I spent 3 weeks researching it. Everything made so much sense now - the idealisation of me at the beginning, and the devaluation of me after the mistake. I'm man enough to admit that it was a mistake, and I do regret it. However, was it rational for someone to end something so passionate over something as minor as that? No. The BPD was there at the start of the relationship, and it was there at the end. She wasn't taking therapy to address it. In a way, I'm glad I made the mistake - it was heartbreaking enough to be devalued after 2 months. If it had happened after a year or two, it could have killed me.

Learning about BPD has been so eye opening, not just for my understanding of the relationship, but for my understanding of mental health and relationships in general.

I grew up in a loving family, both of my parents are still together - but relationships still have been the hardest part of my life. I can't imagine how hard they must be for people with BPD. One thing I want to tell all of you:

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

It's the fault of the people who raised you. Your relationship with your caregiver, the first relationship that informs your attitude to all future relationships, was abusive. Your mind created a defence mechanism for itself. I trust people because I didn't form this defence mechanism - you don't trust them because you did. You have a fear of abandonment which underpins your entire personality. This is not your fault, in the same way that it's not a porcupine's fault that it has spikes - they are there for protection.

Please love yourself and accept yourself. My ex had BPD and I would have done anything to support her and help her recover - unfortunately I can't do that now. I don't know how much pain she and her loved ones will feel in the future, but it will probably be a lot. It breaks my heart that I can't fix her, but that's not my call.

The pain you feel is being felt by all the people who care for you and trust you. Please tell any romantic partner that you have BPD, and what that means. If they're a good person they'll understand you more and support you. Please go to therapy and trust your therapist when they try to heal you. You're a wonderful person and just as worthy of love as anyone else. It will just take some time and effort to remove those spikes of yours first.