TW: suicidal ideation. 

I'm so tired lately. I'm in therapy, I'm working on my DBT skills, but I feel like all it does is teach me how to survive. I don't want to just survive. I actually want to enjoy my life. I want to have goals, hobbies, and meaningful relationships, but it seems I'm just always falling short. 

It's especially worse now after having been violently mugged recently, a month after I moving to a new place to try and start a life with my boyfriend. 

I'm mentally gone. I keep hoping a meteor will land right on top of me. I have trouble sleeping. I sometimes just sit and cry in the dark or cry in the bathroom so my boyfriend won't hear me.

I do truly enjoy therapy, but after my session is over it feels all the negative thoughts I had just come rushing right back. I feel so empty. So devoid of meaning. Insignificant.

Anyone else feel the same?