I don’t know what to do. We’ve been dating for a little under 4 months and he’s honestly amazing. He’s so understanding of my mental illness, he tries to be supportive in literally every way he can and it makes me hate myself because I don’t feel the same way I did a few weeks ago. He keeps making comments about the future and I get so irrationally angry when he does; he’s not who I thought I’d be with at this point in my life and it feels so unfair. Not even just to him but to me like this isn’t what I wanted. This isn’t WHO I wanted. I just want my ex and I can’t have him cause he’s gone. I don’t even know if this makes any sense or is all over I just needed to vent cause I feel so alone. We’ll be hanging out and things we’ll be fine, then he snuggles into me (after I’ve already moved away cause I’m overstimulated and want space) and it literally makes me want to rip him off me, throw him across the room and bleach my skin. We’ll be out with friends and we’re talking about something we’re both passionate about (nerdy stuff) and almost always I find myself snapping at him in a rude tone because I’m getting annoyed by him. He doesn’t deserve such a wishy-washy shitty partner like me. I know it’s part of the stigma but I hate that my brains like this; I just wanna love someone and be loved but my brain makes it feel impossible.