I wasn’t even in a bad mood this morning, just bored. 

First, I ordered weed. I have been trying to quit weed forever. It makes me happy for half and hour and then absolutely miserable.

Second, I cut. Haven’t cut like this in a while. Every once in a while I’ll cut in a few times, usually pretty shallow. I made a ton of shallow cuts and then I accidentally made one huge cut. I’m so frustrated and embarrassed. It’s going to take weeks to heal. I live with my boyfriend in a studio apartment and there’s no way he won’t see it eventually. And he’ll probably find out about the weed too, even though I’ll try to smoke while he’s at work and hide it as long as possible. 

I feel like a liar and a failure. I’m so sick of my bullshit. I can’t even blame depression because I’m not depressed... Just bored and stupid and impulsive.