VENT (KINDA) 

Sometimes I think about the fact that at any given moment I could kill myself just by, for example, throwing myself off the bridge, or tying a noose, and end all of the pain, but I'm too much of a pussy and I don't want my little sister (9) to lose her big brother at such an early age. With my luck she would be the one to find me and the poor kid would be traumatized. I also don't wanna hurt anyone. I never mean to. I accidentally hurt one of my closest friends a few days ago, she forgave me the next day, but I had so much guilt the entire day that I relapsed. I was 8ish months clean of SH. I get too guilty too easy. I never mean to hurt anyone. I want everyone to be happy around me. I want them to feel safe around me. I have reasons I can't take my life for a few weeks too. I at LEAST have to get through Thanksgiving because I don't wanna kms before I get to see my older cousin just one last time. I also wanna confess my love to my best friend. I also, like I said earlier, need to stay for my sister. I just don't get why I feel the need to live for others. But it's keeping me here.