Hey all, this is my first post here! I’m glad I found y’all. So I’m 20, and started getting piercings and tattoos a year ago. I’ve felt so much more at home in my body due to my body mods. I generally am pretty impulsive with body mods but have generally been happy with them. My problem is, though, I’m constantly anxious over the fact that I permanently modified myself and always wonder if I’ll regret it. 

While my dad tolerated the piercings, because they’re removable, he’s always hated tattoos. Even knowing this, I recently got a visible tattoo (a cute snail) on my upper arm. I told him on the phone a few days ago because I was coming home from college for the weekend, and he was really passive aggressive and told me I was desecrating my body and going down the wrong path. He’s told me these things all my life but this hurts especially because like I said, I’m very sensitive and anxious over my tattoos. I’m also worried because I’m at my parents’ house now, and am scared that he’ll yell at me or we’ll have a major argument before I leave and I feel impending doom. 

So I feel really bad and weird and guilty and regretful and overwhelmed. I feel disgusted with myself and my body. I feel so selfish and ungrateful for upsetting my dad when he still supports me financially. I’m spiraling and even looking up tattoo removal. I don’t know why I’m even posting this, but I don’t think my friends will understand and I really don’t know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to find some peace with myself and my body and not spiral like this? I feel like everything I’ve ever done was a huge mistake and I just don’t know anymore, I’m so sad. Have I ruined my life?