Well, my life is about to change. I have Bipolar Type 1, and I've been on a cocktail of meds for the past few years to manage it. And it's been what I'd consider to be successful. I recently moved from Louisiana to Texas. I was on Medicaid in Louisiana which covered my doctor's visits and all my meds. I applied for Medicaid here in Texas, but was denied multiple times. Since moving here, my doctor in Louisiana has told me he could no longer see me anymore unless I drove back home every month and paid cash for my visits since I wouldn't have Louisiana Medicaid anymore. Even if I could afford the doctor visit ($100 for 5-10 minutes), I wouldn't be able to afford my meds anymore. My Latuda alone would have cost me around $1,300 a month. I'm on a variety of meds at the moment, and there's just no way I'd be able to afford them out of pocket. There are discount cards for Latuda, but they're a joke. I'd still end up having to pay $1,000 a month cash even with the card. Any who, my doctor gave me instructions on how to gradually quit my meds so that I don't just stop cold turkey. 

I honestly am kind of afraid of how I'll be off my meds. Ever since being diagnosed a few years ago, I have religiously gone to all my doctor appointments and made sure to take my meds every day. The thought of not being on anything anymore and eventually having to start over from square one terrifies me. Even more than that, I'm terrified about how I'll start acting again towards my husband. Before getting treatment, I was almost always stuck in severely depressive moods. I would randomly get the urge to jump into traffic, yank the wheel into a wall while driving, sit in the garage with the door closed and car running, among other things. I was always severely depressed and frequently suicidal. Honestly I'm amazed I never managed to become a bipolar suicide statistic. I would randomly turn into this huge asshole for absolutely no reason. I'd want to physically fight him, I'd become verbally abusive, and a whole bunch of other things. That's why I originally sought out treatment. I love my family too much and was tired of being this evil person who was just angry all the time for no reason. They don't deserve to be a victim of my disorder. IDK what I'll end up having to do. Hopefully I'll find a solution and soon. But anyways, I just needed to vent.