Hello. First of all sorry for my English, it's the first time ever that I post on a subreddit, and especially in one that knows about my disorder. 
I won't tell much about me in the first place since it doesn't actually matter, just the facts that are needed to solve or help me in this case.
I'm a 21 y-o girl, having bpd since childhood (docs say) and had an internet relationship for good 2 years. We knew each other through a game and started meeting. We fell in love, at least he did, idk if I loved him or not, I don't even know how to describe love or feel about this word. I actually thought I'm not able to love and am searching for the feelings that the person gives me only, not the person itself. 
Anyways, he broke up because he can't deal with my disorder and this broke the relationship. 
5 months later, I wrote him again (we had a good break and I was in a bad phase then - I went to a hospital and had daily therapies.). I said that i missed him and wanted to see him again, so we met and had a new beginning, i would say, but i broke up 3 weeks later because i came to the conclusion that it won't work since hr can't deal with my disorder and i can't deal with being in a relationship. Many things happened at this time, including family problems and such. 
Now, a good year later, i kinda want to have contact with him again, but I'm afraid he will just ignore me. Or afraid he has a new girlfriend? He even changed his phone number. I'm frustrated how to deal with the feelings i just have. I am pretty sure I miss him and not only the things that he could offer me as a boyfriend.
 
I just wish i could get some advice, should i write him or leave it be?

Thank you, and hopefully, you all have a nice day. 
P.