A little background. My mom is bipolar I and so was her mom. She's always been quiet about it and preferred to not talk about it. The only time it ever comes up is when she's manic and then she gets delusions that we're all out to get her. 
When I was five she had a manic episode that included a full day of walking around in the cold distributing all my toys to strangers and telling me that we were bad people that didn't deserve to have nice things. After that she was committed for six months. 
But, even when she was basically normal and not on one pole or the other she was selfish, manipulative, neglectful, inconsistent in her parenting, mistrustful of me while also overburdening me with age inappropriate responsibilities. She praised me roundly when happy and was deeply critical of my attitude when not happy. She treated me as her confidant unless other adults were around, controlled everything I ate. Joked and teased me and then got confused when I got upset about it. Constantly derided anything I liked from music to books to tv shows to my choice in friends. And we fought. A constant circular screaming argument about nothing topics like dishes and keeping my room clean and whether I was watching my younger siblings enough. We also moved quite frequently and I was in so many different schools growing up that folks often ask if I was a military brat when I mention it. 
I am certain all of this plays a part in why I have BPD and some of these behaviors are at the best poor parenting and at the worst abuse. I kind of want to talk to her about it even though when I've tried in the past she claims to not remember things well or becomes a sopping, crying mess who insists I validate her reasons for not caring for me as well as she should. It seems pointless. And yet, I keep thinking if we talk I'll be able to move past it and be able to safely love her. Because I do love her. She's my mom and she fucked me up, but she also never meant to and was doing the best she could. 
I am so perplexed. 