For 10 years I have been the sole developer in a small company. I have always carried that burden, but I have to be ok with it because I am also the sole provider at home for my family, with just enough money to cover the bills and a tiny bit more for the odd McDonalds or whatever. Hence symbiotic relationship with the company.

In the last couple of years the company and software requirements have grown 10x, and we hired a couple more devs. However, no matter how much knowledge I document or try to transfer, the other devs just don't show the commitment I do. So I continue to carry the burden that if something goes wrong, I am the only person to fix it. I am now also working remotely full time and expected to manage the other devs. I have no management experience and need training but when I asked for some they told me that it's better just to go in at the deep end.

I was given a small share of the company which I accepted and soon after was told that someone wished to purchase them for enough money to pay for a deposit on a house.... over a year later it hasn't happened... yet it still could.

So now I am stuck and I don't know what to do. I am in my early 40s and am spending each day constantly worrying about what will go wrong next at work. I can never go on holiday, not just because I can't afford it but because if something goes wrong and they can't contact me, then there may not be a company to come back to. For the same reason, I am basically on call 24/7.

I am pressured to release updates, yet worry that it will be that thing that starts the chain reaction than ends with me losing my job... and shares. The anxiety is horrific. I am having nightmares every few nights of all different subjects. I can't stop waiting for the shares to be sold.  I just don't know what to do.

I guess I just need to seek professional help... I tried the free ones but once they confirmed that I wasn't suicidal, they didn't seem to care. Others cost money, which I can't afford.

Which is what brings me here. What would you guys do?