I just had my first panic attack at my new job and I feel…embarrassed. I work in customer service and my job does not allow non customers to go to the bathroom unless they purchase something (obviously). A woman bought a coffee and asked if she could go and I said yes, then comes her brother or husband asking to go to the bathroom and I informed him that we do not allow non customers to go in, then he proceeds to ask why she (the woman with the coffee) was allowed in, i inform him that if he makes a purchase he can go and do his business but we were closing so even that wasn’t an option. He leaves and comes back 5 minutes later with 3 other women and comes rushing in with a receipt saying they ALL wanna go in…who’s receipt was it? His other brother who wasn’t even present there. So there am I, with 5 people ganging up on me all wanting to go to the bathroom because someone else bought coffee cup and their excuse was “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CANT GO IN?? MY BROTHER BOUGHT IT!! WE’RE A FAMILY!!”

The fact that I was being yelled at by 5 people at the same time with one taking off her mask to yell even louder, i felt so socially claustrophobic that it ticked off my anxiety. My hands started shaking, I was out of breath, my voice was cracking and I was trying my best to stay calm and to not let it show but we all know that never works :/

After telling them 3 consecutive times that no purchase = no bathroom, they finally left and I was trying my best to breathe but that was still not possible. I felt so embarrassed because my coworkers were near and they saw the whole thing, yet instead of coming to help me they kept watching from afar, laughing and cackling…why did I feel embarrassed? Simple answer, I didn’t not/do not wanna be perceived as weird or strange because of my mental issues. I do not wanna be put in a box labeled “sensitive” or “shy”, and the fact that they saw me react that way means that they perceive me that way. What a mess!