I moved to the denver area in july and for the most part things have been good. I got in to see a therapist once didnt really care for him and havnt been back. I found a guy who specializes in mindfulness dbt and bpd treatment. I had an appointment for Thursday but he canceled...that really bummed me out, I had kinda put him on a pedestal after browsing his website. He canceled on me after I woke up in the middle of the day from my sleep before work so I'm extra tired... anyways, I'm working extra days so I can go to steamboat for a few days to snowboard so I'm a little stressed. Not to mention the people I'm meeting in steamboat I really look up to and they are very christian and they have in the past had "talks" with me. They own a summer camp and i got kicked out a couple times for smoking weed in my off time and some other things when i worked there. But I'm nervous. 

So I guess all that started this.  Well I work nights at a casino doing surveillance and in the past my impulsivity has really shown itself and I've experienced trouble gambling. Ive been away from it for a while however. Usually I'll just smoke a little weed and relax and get rid of the urge/impulse. Well I got off work yesterday morning and lost $500 right before that trip. Now I'm here...felt the urge to punch my car roof earlier on my way to work, once or twice tonight at work I've thought about self mutilation. Not seriously just almost reminiscent of it.

While I did reschedule it will be later on because of the trip.  Do you guys have any dbt workbooks you'd recommend or other resources. Any videos about dbt or what not that may help me make it through till I can see the therapist whom I'm already not a huge fan of... thanks. I should add my previous state dbt wasnt recognized in that's part of the reason for the move. It was well planned and not the most impulsive move I've made ever I promise. Worked through it with my previous therapist.

I havnt really been active on this sub much. Ima try and pop in more. Cheers nice to meet all of you. Jake. Diagnosed bpd 2015.