
This is what happened:

One month ago.
1. I being told to be transfer to a new department which is 2hrs away from my home. Used to be 30min to work.
2. They only give me three weeks notice about my transfer. I’m not ready for a new environment, new job scope, new colleagues, new working time, new distance and new culture.
3. I will be reduced back to ground level after working so hard to reach my position here. From supervisor to ground level. 
4. I know I cannot maintain healthy weight as this job doesn’t give me enough break for a healthy meal. I struggle to get my weight up  to a average level for 10 years. Now i have even less time to eat or rest due to long commute. ( I always get body shame for being too skinny and it affect me alot)
5. My mental health is bad due to problems and frustration at work.
6. But is a good stable income for me. My salary will be the same at the new location.
7. But i quit the job before i being transferred to that new place. As i got enough saving to last for few years. I got no motivation to go through that new location.
8. I also propose to a girl that i like for two years and get rejected. She say that she already with someone else. I feel that coming as she start distance from me for awhile.

Now after a month 

1. My physical health is good. I gain 5 kg and workout well. My body look nicer now.
2. My mental health is still very very bad . 
3. I lost my identity as my life is just work and home. Now it’s just home and overthink .
4. I able to survive for many years due to the money i saved. But the insecurity feeling of no income is there.
5. I overthink everyday about my job and my crush.
6. I afraid that i had make the wrong decision of resignation. i will not be able to find a new job anymore due to my anxiety. I scare to try or learn new things. I get anxiety when I’m at a new environment or new people. I will wobble physically when I’m in that situation. So i tend to avoid new people or place. I not confidence in my skill to get any job at all. ( my anxiety seems to get worse during this two years of covid, used to be manageable)
7. I over think about the chances i missed with this girl. If only i brave enough to try when she still available i will not have missed out on her. ( even tho i know that she never been sincere to me and we not really click with each other). We stop contact with each other after my propose. 

Everyday i will pray( I’m free thinker, i pray to the universe) , breathing exercise and workout physically.

I got good progress for my physical. In just a month. I gain 5 kg and muscles.

But, 
I cannot get over this past job and this girl out of my mind. I can’t find the path to do anything for my mind. I try read book or upgrade my language skill but I can’t focus at all. 

Right now i got no job, no relationship, no friend and no family. No motivation. Scare of this world. I feel so helpless and lost. 

I need advice or guidance please.