i cant eat. i cant sleep. i cant even think. i feel like a prisoner in my own mind. if you want the full details check my post before this one, but long story short my best friend of ten years sexually assaulted me and taunted me during it. and then sent me a half assed apology.

she was there when my old best friends did something absolutely traumatic to me. she was there when the police were involved with that. she told me she was looking out for me forever. she was there when we were assaulted by a trusted adult. she was there while my mom was an alcoholic. i always thought i was so lucky to have a guardian angel.

her sister is supporting me, my boyfriend is supporting me, my assaulters (ex?)boyfriend is supporting me, our whole friend group is supporting me. and i would’ve thought if anyone else did this my best friend would kill them with her bare hands.

these people have given me no reason to not trust them anymore, but i don’t want to hang out with her sister because what if it runs in the family. knowing my boyfriend thinks about me sexually is now something that makes me uncomfortable. he said we never have to do anything ever again if i don’t want to, but what if one day he gets fed up and assaults me or betrays my trust.

i thought everything was getting better, i got a job, it’s my senior year, i’m supposed to be joining the air force and going to pharmaceutical school. but none of that matters anymore. i cant even trust myself to even love my cat anymore.