My cousin committed suicide today and it hits me hard because I almost attempted only 2 days ago. Was let known by my mom, who was crying, and told me to talk to her if I'm ever depressed like that (I have been for years, no one really knows but my therapists). I wasn't particularly close with him so I also feel guilty that I'm not crying or emotionally torn at the moment (although this may happen as time passes I guess?). If anything, I feel bad for his mom and my other family members. I feel guilty that I almost attempted and didn't tell my parents, that I survived, that I think about suicide constantly.