In the past few days, I’ve really started spiraling, and I don’t really know what to do. I’ve been taking Cymbalta for my anxiety and depression. It’s helped, but depression is still stuck to me like a parasite.

I don’t have a relationship with my dad. My mother is in hospice. I don’t have family that can support me. 

I’m currently cleaning my depression den. I’ve never kept up with it after moving in here after escaping an abusive ex. I don’t have the energy or will to do much of anything. 

Now my landlords are selling the house. It’s an older, cheap house with a lot of problems, and they know that. It definitely hasn’t helped my depression. I feel like I haven’t even told them all the problems it has. I haven’t been a great tenant in telling them when problems arise.

They’re coming by tomorrow with a realtor, and I’m terrified of their reaction. But I kinda think I deserve it? I let it fall apart.

I just switched to a new job 3 months ago. It’s been a really hard adjustment. I was super close with my coworkers, and now I’m not with this job. I’ve been dropping the ball on assignments (late, incomplete) it’s put me on my bosses’ radar. then on top of that,  my weed pen accidentally fell out of my bag the other day and my boss’s boss found it in our office space. I work in hospitality in a state that weed isn’t legal, and apparently that boss wasn’t happy. I have a big meeting already scheduled for this Tuesday. I’ve convinced myself I’m going to be fired. They’re a big name in town, and I cannot recoup if I get fired. I have such shame for bringing my weed pen. I’ve apologized profusely 

My sister is very against me being hospitalized, but I think that makes the most sense. I’ve hidden how bad off I am from so many people. But my depression has its tentacles in me. I go to therapy. I have medication. I smoke for my anxiety. I just can’t get out of this hole 

Are there any benefits to hospitalization?

Thanks friends, be kind 🖤