So today I saw a new therapist. My boss was generously offering to help me pay for appointments with the therapist and I had high hopes, but, like always, they got dashed. The area I’m in doesn’t have much in the way of mental health resources and I haven’t found a therapist, except for this one, who offers sliding scale payments. I can’t afford to pay full cost out of pocket, I don’t have insurance, and I don’t qualify for Medicaid in my new place of residence. Fifteen minutes into the appointment, I begin to open up about my BPD diagnosis, at which point he cut me off and said that we’d be ending the session right then and there, and that there would be no charge for the session. He continued on to say he doesn’t work with “borderline cases.”

I had heard about this happening to other people, but I’ve never been straight up rejected by a therapist like that before. I’ve been turned away from hospitals when I’ve tried to get inpatient help, but never by an outpatient clinician. I’m still kinda dumbfounded and in shock even a few hours later.

Really not sure what to do anymore. I spent the drive home sobbing in the car. This past weekend, I slit my wrists and ended up in the ER;. After getting stitches, I was sent home with nothing more than a five minute conversation with a psychiatrist. That was the fourth time I’ve been denied inpatient treatment in the past year.

Genuinely feel like I’m totally out of options. One of my former friends who I had a huge falling out with, made me an offer that if I move back home (1,200 miles away from where I just moved to), he’ll personally take me to a hospital and that he will not accept them not admitting me. I’m desperate enough that I asked him if the offer still stands, but he won’t respond to me again.

How long do I have to keep trying to get help before it’s acceptable to accept and admit defeat?