I feel like I just cause problems and chaos around me. Like I'm just a nuisance to my bf, friends and coworkers. I can't keep my facts in order, I talk too much or too little, it's always me me me and me. I don't do enough or I am too much to people. I want to do good things but anything I touch rots and decays and dies.

But I don't feel like I am sick enough to be bipolar 2, even if that's my diagnosis. I'm just otherwise fucked up person and unable to take care of myself properly. I can't even express my feelings to myself because I feel like I'm being watched and judged when I'm alone, but I know that's not true. It just feels like that. 

 I kinda want to just go away and leave this all behind me, start over and try to be a better person somewhere else where nobody knows me. I love everybody but this isn't worth it, not for me or them. I just.. sorry. I just wanted to tell this to someone, even if I just end up deleting this soon. Writing this might have helped a little but nothing fills the emptiness and desperation I feel.