i have suffered immensely from mental illness, BPD being one of them, for years and years, and it’s only ever gotten worse and worse

it’s at the point now where i’ve spent the last 7 months or so literally just trying to wake up every day. i’m in survival mode. i am so, so weak, so tired; i have nothing left to give to put into actually making change. i am completely helpless.

it’s getting worse still. every day, i promise you, even from an outsiders objective point of view, it’s getting worse. i’m still falling, still sinking, still drowning.

everyone else around me, even if they are struggling and lagging behind, is so much further ahead in life than me. and that’s compared to where i’m at now. i haven’t even bottomed out yet. it’s going to get even worse and harder to come back from tomorrow. and the next day. and the next. 

i have so, so far to go before i could even begin to have a life that is healthy. i still feel like a pathetic little kid. 

this is the ultimate abandonment. i am completely alone 95% of the time, barely have friends, don’t have any passions or hobbies left to make new friends, have no dating skills so i can’t even get sexual validation, and all of that. but now i’m being abandoned in life. 

left behind to survive while everyone else lives.