I was diagnosed with BPD a few years back after a long term struggle with my mental health. I have sought out treatment for alcohol abuse and an eating disorder disorder as well. I have been in and out of therapy for years. It’s been a decade long struggle for me to just be ok, and most of the time I’m barely even that. After a long tumultuous and abusive relationship I moved home to be with my parents for a while and to get my life on a healthy track. I got back into therapy and resumed working out and riding horses. I continued to struggle to deal with the torment of BPD and wishing to self harm and soothe with alcohol and ED. It was during this time that I met someone new and we began a crazy intense relationship. I tried my best to keep my symptoms in check and be as normal and healthy as I could because I fell in love with him and for once saw the possibility of a future of happiness with him. I had some hard times during our time together, turning to alcohol two times to quiet the internal torment I feel. He comes from a family plagued with addiction and alcohol. Instead of him seeing my problems as BPD symptoms and ignoring the fact that I was trying and actively seeking help through therapy, he packed his bags after I told him I smoked pot one afternoon. The fact that I was not In AA meant to him that I was doing nothing to help myself. He didn’t even say goodbye. When I returned to our home he had simply vanished. I am crushed. My emotions are out of control. I am at the point where I want to do just about anything I can to make this hurt go away. I want him to tell me that we can get through this and anything together. I was aware he had his own set of emotional issues but I was committed to him, and loved him despite it. I feel hopeless, crushed and abandoned. I’m in complete despair. The person I believed I was going to share my life with is gone. The emptiness is swallowing me whole. Thank you for giving me a place to share this pain.