even if it's just to say it, i think i still love her. which i know is insane because we've only been talking for like a month, 3ish years after our breakup. you have no idea how much i cried when i realized that she was still my FP after all this time.

we were long distance. she knew about my BPD. my mental health got worse towards the end of our relationship and i was such a shitty girlfriend to her. she broke it off after she couldn't take it anymore, and i acted like a complete psycho for a month. even before that i can't remember our relationship ever being stable. i had no fucking idea how to handle my BPD or how to cope with certain things.

i thought i was over her, but i'm not. i don't think i ever will be unless i tell her. i'm hoping hearing her actually say she doesn't give a shit about me like that anymore will be the push i need to actually move on. but it's so fucking scary. i don't think i'd be able to handle it, i'm not strong enough mentally. what the fuck do i do