Years ago, I was depressed and anxious. But I had things to help me through. I was younger (32) and there were things I hadn’t tried yet. I was passionate about music and felt like I could get somewhere if only I had the self belief to stand on stage and perform. I really enjoyed making YouTube videos and gained a modest following.

Life has left me feeling really run down lately. I’m not sure how much further my body and mind and go before something breaks.

I pick up my guitar now, and immediately question why I’m doing it. That passion and joy has gone. For years, I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do instead.

I’ve found nothing. I feel like a failure trying to film videos, because I have absolutely nothing to say. Nothing to show for myself.

I work for an insurance broker, and it’s just so dull. The same tasks every day. I used to want a job where the phone barely rang, because I’m introverted, and I got my wish. But now I find myself just looking at the clock, while some emails trickle in and I try to keep the numbers down.

I just want to get home when I’m at work, but then what? I feel that familiar nothingness. No emotion. Just a vague sense of time slipping away whilst I try to understand how I sunk so low. The days working from home are difficult too, because I only have my useless and depressed brain for motivation.

On top of that, the World just seems so dark right now. Petrol going up day by day - it’s almost laughable how bad it’s getting. Houses are even more expensive than before.  We are like a big nest of ants all scrambling over the Earth’s limited resources.

Me and my girlfriend of 8+ years are still renting a one bedroom apartment. She is working one day out of five next week, because she is self employed and the work just isn’t coming in. My salary is probably below average.

Meanwhile, Jake Paul made $45 million last year. It makes me want to give up permanently, because I’m so desperate for a way out of this hopeless pit.