I don't know why, he requires a lot of space and I'm giving it to him but sometimes he doesn't respond to text (they are left unread) and I will find out he hung out with a friend or whatever that night and feel stabbed in the heart. I don't know, I just feel like I've caused so much anguish in the relationship that he fucking hates me still even though I've gone a good three days practicing mindfulness and not blowing up his phone with sad stuff or in general.

My phone is literally sitting across my bedroom so I can't check it. I hate this disorder. FUCK.