If our partner, friend, parent, sibling treated us the way we treated them? I’m having a moment of clarity after splitting and I’m realizing that if my partner treated me the way I treated them when it’s good it’d be great, ideal, near perfect but when it’s bad it would be toxic, suffocating, exhausting. I go around in this circle in my head, I get upset I pick a fight, I distance, I come back and push my needs on them when maybe they haven’t fully recovered from the last fight, I get upset again. I realize I’m doing it, I acknowledge, I take blame, I feel guilty, I feel horrible. But then the fog sets back in, I dissociate away the pain of you being gone while I’m away or you’re away and along with that goes all the realizations I’ve had. The cycle goes on, the fog keeps me in this loop, it’s hard to see, hard to hear, hard to speak I’m trapped here until the next time the fog clears and I’m able to be free from it again.
The moments of clarity come fast, leave faster.