
today my friends were talking about our childhoods and the topic of unconditional love came up. i said that i’ve never been unconditionally loved by my parents when i was kid but then i started wondering if i ever felt loved by anyone. did the neglect really effect me that much? it doesn’t have to unconditional love but wow.. this rly fucking sucks. i hate being self aware of my bad traits. anyway, i just… can’t feel loved back. 

it’s weird not feeling loved back because i feel like i’m constantly chasing and chasing. to be fair no one has loved me as much as i loved them so it makes me think that they hate me (if they don’t match how much love and affection i give them). i know it’s dumb for me to think like this but i’m always stupidly sensitive over these things. i feel like i can’t control these stupid fucking emotions.
what’s even more shitty about me is that ill move onto a different people just for the same feeling or more. i will never be loved enough, it’s as if i’m constantly starved of it and nothing will fill the hole.  fuck this shouldn’t be what love is. it’s just an obsession. i loved my exFPs so much yet i could never get the same feeling back. i’ll put my all into them until i realize that they aren’t reciprocating as much as me and it almost always ends in a fight.  it took so long to realize that i’m the problem. i can’t blame them for me not feeling loved by anyone. it isn’t anyone’s fault but my own. i can’t force them to reciprocate or make me feel loved