I’ve achieved everything I ever “wanted” in life. My whole goal since I was a kid was to make a lot of money and I thought that would bring me happiness and freedom. As I sit here writing this, with more money than I know what to do with, I feel the same inside. Empty, lost, confused, and depressed. I distracted myself for years with work and reaching the top. As a man in his 20’s who “made it”, I can promise you money will not buy true happiness. It makes you feel empty inside. I never know who’s my real friend, my family only reaches out when they want something, and I developed terrible trust issues over time. I am not stable enough to even attempt dating and don’t plan on it. I have a crippling fear of being used and it keeps me awake at night. I see all these teens putting their social lives behind to make as much money as they can. Please. Don’t lose what you once loved. Don’t sacrifice your social life for a number. Don’t stop hanging out with your friends. Don’t put your family behind you. Don’t make the mistakes I did. You will end up carving your heart empty. I have nobody in my life. I am alone. 

I don’t want to kill myself but if I died in my sleep tonight I wouldn’t care. The fancy suit I put on every day just covers up my empty heart and shattered soul.