I’m stuck at the bottom of the pole freelancing. My income is feast and famine and I’m just too burnt out from life and keeping my head above water to try anymore. 

Diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at age 17 and spent 2 years in and out of hospital for surgeries. Missed out on the apparently best years unwell. 
Thankfully being bed bound a lot, I was able to study a bunch and got really good grades and accepted into the university I wanted. 

Then in my 1st year at university after getting well enough my mom gets sick with cancer and I drop out to help her since realistically nobody else could and we didn’t have the means to get support for her. 
Unfortunately she passed away a few years later and I was grief stricken and lost, triggering the worst flair of my life. Had a section of intestine removed and needed a colostomy bag. 

Stupidly I couldn’t bring myself to enrol again to university. Since by that time I was 24 with a bag and was too vain and ignorant to overcome the embarrassment. 

So then I guess I got into photography and editing and started making decent money freelancing which was great at that age. 

Now I think I’ve gone as far as I can and nobody will consider me for a job it seems. No degree. No work experience other than freelancing (which I guess isn’t work?)

I’m just so tired and fed up. 

I know I shouldn’t be, but at times I feel so resentful of people who’s live paths went smoothly. Probably it’s in my head and I have a chip on my shoulder but when I get lame advice to just “go back to school and work your way up from the bottom” I get so angry at the smug condescending tone. 

I’ll be in my 30s by then and still be bottom of the junior positions so what’s the point?

Anyhoo I know there are people way worse off than me. But it’s off my chest.