death TW

to preface, i suffer from OCD, and my anxiety throughout the past few months has been quite severe. i know that in times like these everyone’s anxiety levels are quite high but it has extremely amplified all of my contamination and cleanliness obsessions. it’s like all of my fears throughout my life have now been validated and it’s hard to let go of them when there’s actually a very real threat for once.

i realised that in order for the obsessions to die down, i need to radically accept this pandemic. but i then realised that it’s not enough. for me to radically accept the pandemic, i need to radically accept dying. and that’s where i’m stuck at.
i have a fear of dying and what comes after death. i have practiced radical acceptance a few times since learning it, with it resulting in a positive outcome. but those times i was radically accepting something like my current situation or circumstance. it seems easier to radically accept something situational, something you could potentially move on from. but death is permanent and unknown. i have a religious upbringing as well so i fear the worst possible outcome after death: going to hell. i think that is really the root of the anxiety if i dig as far as i can go.
how do you radically accept death? it’s something i realise has been an issue for several years now but it took this pandemic to finally put it all together.