I feel very disconnected from myself, i feel that i have no control of my OWN body. Im always feeling angry, sad or lonely. I have a lot of self hatred towards myself and am constantly thinking i will be nothing in life and that im not capible of doing what i truley want to do. I have unreal expectations for myself and im always hard on myself for the most minor inconveniences. The worst thing about me is how mean i can be to my family or anyone who gets close to me. When i meet someone new, i have the constant need to always hold myself back to who i actually am and what i can be like because i dont want anyone to see me that way. But what makes me hate myself even more is that i can contain myself when around others, but not my family. Im very selfish for being too scared to change when i know i need to, but change is difficult for me. Change is something i always wanted to avoid because change is big and it scares me. My brain feels like its trapped in a cage because i know what i need to do, but i constantly ignore myself and say i will be fine but this is not fine. The way im feeling is not okay and im slowly wanting to just isolate myself forever. The negative views i have on life and my thought process is outrageous, it makes my brain ache. I look at myself as the worst person anyone could love, the negative views i have on myself also hurt me but i cant help but think the things i do. I feel like i cant control my emotions at all and sadness, anger and selfishness consume me. Theres so much more and i wish i could explain it all.