I’ve been dealing with depression for 10 years now, 7 years since my first suicide attempt, I’ve been really trying to survive, I’ve tried everything, pretending everything is okay, sinking into my sorrow, trying to find things I “enjoy”, therapy, medication, EVERYTHING, and I’m just so tired, it doesn’t get better, knowing that I have to keep staying alive for god knows how long just makes me so stressed, panicked and sad, I don’t want to keep going, I don’t want a future, I’m sick of staying and trying to “enjoy” a life I haven’t wanted since my suicide attempt, I know I have people that care for me, I know they would suffer if I ended it all, that’s why I’m still here, I do have good days from time to time but they aren’t worth it, the agony of being alive isn’t worth it, I don’t know what to do to keep going, I really have full plain panic attacks every time I think about life, about how I have to keep trying, I really want to want to be alive but I don’t know how, please help me