Hey, I'm currently doing DBT, but my comorbid narcissistic traits are interfering with group therapy, and I'm trying really hard to get a handle on it.

I'm also encountering a lot of NPD stigma from the therapeutic team, which is super-harmful right now. So thanks in advance for not making it worse here (please).

  


Anyway,

Empathy seems like a cornerstone for me.

Basically, "true" empathy (versus "cold" empathy) could be the mysterious missing piece that makes me feel inhuman inside, and makes me seem "off" to people. I would appreciate some book recommendations, if possible.

Online, I'm finding a lot of lists about how to SHOW more empathy, but FEELING the emotion is supposed to be much more intuitive and immediate than "ask gentle questions like, what can i do for you"

One helpful example I found this like this:

&gt; Fine tune your nonverbal observation skills. Learn about micro-expressions (small quick facial expressions) and eye reading. Daniel Goleman in his book, Social Intelligence, states that “the more sharply attentive we are, the more keenly we will sense another person’s inner state.”

  


(From \[https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/threat-management/201303/i-dont-feel-your-pain-overcoming-roadblocks-empathy)\](https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/threat-management/201303/i-dont-feel-your-pain-overcoming-roadblocks-empathy%29)

This article "\[Give Your Empathy a Boost\](https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/wander-woman/201111/give-your-empathy-boost)" makes sense, too:

1. Be quiet, inside and out.

2. Fully watch as well as listen.

3. Ask yourself what you are feeling.

4. Test your instinct. If it is appropriate, when you are in conversation with someone else, tell the person what emotions you are experiencing.

  


I also see words like "curiosity" and "vulnerability" come up a lot.

I worry that if I didn't learn empathy as a child, I'm fucked. That can't be true, though (right?).

I also read the subject presented as an all-or-nothing thing, where people either "have" it or don't (and are narc monsters), but that's definitely not my experience. For example, I have a daughter, and I definitely feel what she feels, even when it doesn't "get" me anything.

I'm choosing to have faith that there is a tiny, but very real, strawberry-seed-sized kernel of empathy within me, that I can nurture and grow.

Please help.

I can't be irredeemable.