TW: suicide. 

I'm so fucking tired. 
I've been trying to get help through the health care system in the country I live (not US), and today I went to an appointment that they booked for me, to get help with anxiety.
It wasn't a psychologist though, which I would've wanted to talk to, more like a counsellor type person. 
Anyway, I thought I give it a try anyway, if it's not the right fit maybe they can refer me to a psychologist?
(I can't afford to pay for a private psychologist.)

Well, no. While I've been thinking about how nice it would be to just be gone forever, the person gave me some advice on an mindfulness app. 

I feel like this appointment now makes me feel even more like shit. If the healthcare provider doesn't take it seriously, who will? 

And no, I didn't talk to the person about these thoughts, because it felt stupid and ridiculous to sit there and tell her about how bad I feel when she doesn't seem to understand what the problem is at all. She basically interrupted me when I answered her questions too. 

I'm suppose to see her again in June but I'm thinking about cancelling. What a waste of time. What a fucking joke.