I’m very certain I’m killing myself soon. I’m so selfish/narcissistic and hate seeing others do better than me and have a life without trauma or at-least them being able to handle it. I’m tired of being a lazy failure living just cause my parents care for me and just sleep all day. I’m tired of burning and have burned all the bridges in my life because of this. I can’t look in the mirror anymore without pure self hatred and anger at myself and see a pile of shit. Even tho people say I’m attractive and talented but I don’t do anything and I’m such a cunt and I only keep up my appearance to draw people in but realize everyone is too good for me cause you have to be deeper than what’s on the surface and I hate myself too much to work on myself. This shit is horrible and I don’t want to die but I literally can’t think to do things I need to do for myself. I’m just gonna draw or play games for now but I’m slowly becoming less afraid of death. I didn’t know if I should post this here but I feel the self loathing is getting to much. I’m not looking for response or replies I just needed to get this out. Fuck me. Fuck my life. Fuck myself for the people I’ve hurt and most importantly fuck my brain. Consciousness is the worst thing to endure. Same time I wish others the best and want them to do good in life because I feel shameful for even being this much of a piece of shit but it’s so god damn conflicting. I can’t take care of myself anymore I only think of suicide constantly nothing draws me away from it.