I’m trying to be happy even through depressive episodes but I don’t think it working. I’m trying not to think negatively about anything but it not working and I feel a depressive episode coming and I know it’s gonna be really bad. I’ve been manic for the past two weeks and I’ve gone through like all of my money and I don’t have a job to make money with and I’m kinda scared and stressing. Everyday it’s the same thing I’m happy and then I’m sad but really intense and it mainly happy or I’m in a idgaf mood. But Im so tired of fighting it to stay in a positive mindset. I just feel like I’m stuck in a fucking loop that just keeps repeating itself everyday. 
Im not on meds and I can’t get on meds, and I can’t go to therapy unless I go on a waiting list for like a year to even talk to someone.