i don't even know how to express this without sounding like a bitch, but sometimes i find myself picking reasons to start fights with friends or people that i know, even though that's something that i really don't wanna do, it just happens??? 

i realized that i ended almost all of my past friendships by putting them down/putting some pressure on them and occasionally fighting them so i could find reasons to cut ties with them. 

maybe i was just scared of being perceived as weak by others and didn't want them to think I'm less and leave me, or maybe I'm just really stupid and a disgusting human being. 

this sucks