i am currently on zoloft and divalproex. 
ive tried 8 medications prior. 
nothing works... 
ive been on these meds for longer than a year &amp; during my last 'episode,' I decided i am no longer going to take them, as i don't believe they work. 

I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder - i have EXTREME anger issues, depression &amp; anxiety.
I feel angry all of the time and am easily irritable. 
I hate feeling like this everyday, it feels heavy... like a huge block of negativity weighing in me constantly. 

I have a past with drug abuse- especially xanax, so my doctors wont prescribe me anything to calm me. 
I was prescribed quetiapine one time, but got it taken away pretty quickly after taking them all in attempt to get high (xanax withdrawl.) I am planning on asking for some new panic attack/episode medication  and new meds in general. 

i know it's unrealistic, but i just want to be prescribed fuckin benzos... ugh


wondering what meds have worked for y'all?