Hello everyone,

I’m sure a lot of people with BPD family members can relate to compulsive lying, something that has been ever-present in my mom. She wouldn’t only lie out of convenience or not to hurt me, but she would literally make up entire scenarios (false promises, great things she’s doing, etc), just to let me down in the end.
It was really bad in my childhood;
For example she would tell me for months that she’d prepared a vacation for the family, just to cancel the day before. Or that she had paid for my class trips, just to tell me one day before that something “went wrong” with transactions. Or telling me she definitely paid rent just to wake up to an angry landlord the next day, screaming at my mom and telling us to leave the building. Sometimes I wanted to do stuff/run errands/important stuff by myself, and she’d offer to do it instead of me, and in the end not doing it anyways. This description barely scrapes the surface but I feel like my brain has repressed a lot of the more fucked up stuff.

Anyways, in recent years I thought her BPD was finally changing for the better and she’s making an actual effort to be more responsible, and I felt encouraged to give her my trust again. For a while it went relatively well, she even did little things for me that she offered she would do.

But now I feel like I’ve once again hit bottom with my mom. Unfortunately the housing market where I live is AWFUL. It’s really difficult for me to find a long term stay, especially with bad credit that I “inherited” from my mom. (She signed contracts in my name that she didn’t pay, good credit is a must if you want to find just the simplest apartment here.)

My mom however told me that one of her close friends is leaving his flat for health issues, and there would be the option of me sub renting the apartment without me having to show proof of credit. 
To me that sounded perfect, and since I trusted her with smaller things and she hasn’t been disappointing me, I wanted to trust her with that too. She offered me to stay at her place for the while.

I was supposed to move in a month ago.  Every 3 days she comes up with a new move in date and then a new reason why I couldn’t move out yet. 
Its not like I believe these reasons, I literally just haven’t found any other place to stay yet. ( I do have a stable income etc lol) 
So today was supposed to be THE final move out day.
I had all of my things prepacked and I was waiting for my mom to come home from work at 12 so we can get stuff going.

She comes home today, crying in her typical “something happened ....*concerned face* I can’t talk about it”
Then she broke out crying said that there was a lump on her breast
She showed it to me and it was definitely there, BIG one. 
She said she went to the doctor this morning... and that they don’t know what it is yet. 

I was like ????
Because if you have a lump that big on ur boob wouldn’t you notice earlier?
She said she had noticed and got some blood drawn a while ago, but that the doctor NOW wants to do a screening because she said it has been big and painful for the last 3 days. I’m no expert on the medical routine but.... drawing blood from someone who’s possibly got a Tumor, then doing nothing for ages and then when it gets big and lumpy, they advise you for a screening?

Anyways she used all of this emotional trouble to play off the fact that “something happened in the apartment” and I can’t move in today. Because I’m her daughter, and what kind of heartless child would care more about her apartment than the health of her mom! 
I didn’t even know how to react, even when I hugged her I was just feeling “-“ inside. I just wanted her to stop talking to me. Stop telling me that “We can do anything if we stick together” cuz it makes me sick

and now she came through the door bc she apparently went to a gynaecologist who told her that the lump is most definitely not a Tumor, just from TOUCHING HER BREASTS. So any other doctor could’ve probably told her a while ago.

I really don’t know how to talk to her anymore, because being upfront and confronting her never did ANYTHING for me. If I would confront her about her lies, she’d either tell me more things that I can’t proof are lies, just so she can sneak herself out of the situation, or she tells me I’m crazy, stupid, out of my mind, heartless etc..... I’ve been talking to this about my bf ( who is the only person I can confide in) and even though I don’t expect him to be super careful with me in this situation, I can’t stop but feel hurt by the things he said. I understand that I probably talk about my mom a lot now that I’m living with her, but he’s told me that he feels physically stressed every time I talk about this issue, and that I need to speak up and confront her, and not just always whine about it. I really understand what he’s saying from his standpoint but confronting so far has done me nothing good and if the only person that I can confide in feels stressed by my stress then man... idk rn I just wanna go into a cave and just b gone 


Thanks for anyone that’s even bothered to read a bit 
Ly reddit