This is mostly just a vent bc I’m having a rough time lately, but I was wondering if anyone else has been getting triggered from seeing the amber heard/johnny depp trial covered constantly, especially now that amber heard got a bpd diagnosis. I’m seeing a lot of people talking about how everyone with bpd is a psycho and crazy and unhinged and I’m trying really hard not to let it get to me, but I keep spiraling because of it. All I can think is no matter how much work I put into effective communication and healthy relationships and whatever, I’m always gonna be three wrong words away from turning into an absolute monster. Which isn’t true but it feels true and I’m just feeling shitty about it. 

I already isolate myself out of fear I’m gonna end up causing grief for people and now I can barely have a ten second conversation with the cashier at the grocery store without tearing up in the car because I’m a black hole and don’t deserve people being so nice to me. 

Im just really tired of hating myself so much and being so stupid sensitive that ill-informed assholes online can make me think I will never have anyone in my life who cares about me enough not to leave me that I won’t hurt by being myself. Please I just want a little bit of self-esteem lmao