I have dealt with depression/anxiety since I was 18 and I’m in my forties now. I’ve been on medication non stop since I was 18 and have gone to therapy when I can afford it. Never can afford to go enough to deal with past trauma but I go when I can. I current get my meds from my clueless primary care provider who is a nurse practitioner. 

I see a therapist every two weeks via Telehealth. She suggested I get a mental health assessment to be tested for add and whatever else. Everywhere I called is booked out about 8 months to a year. Her and my pcp wanted me to see psychiatry for meds. Most that I called aren’t taking new patients. I found one place with shit reviews that could get me a medication management appt within two months so I took it. I didn’t realize but it was with an RN who has maters in psychiatry. 

Had the telehealth visit and was going over my history. I explain that I am a single parent to three kids in a new state and that I don’t have friends or family. Last month I physically ran out of my job and texted later boss later to quit. My anxiety was so bad I couldn’t think straight. So I’m dealing with trying to find a new job. 

My long term five year relationship ended in December. The one support I had is gone. My engine on my car is ruined and now I have no car. I’m supposed to start a job Monday that is thankfully within walking distance but doesn’t pay enough to live off of and it is through a temp service for the first three months. This means I wouldn’t be eligible for health insurance for four months. I currently have state medical assistance through a covid loophole (too long to explain). This could literally end today, DHS has no idea how long I can keep it.  So this nurse argues with me that I would qualify normally for medicaid and I don’t. I had to go through this with her multiple times. She finally dropped it. 

Then she asks if my medication is working if I don’t take into consideration my problems with work. I find that a stupid question when I spend 40 hours a week at work and without that we will be homeless, but whatever. I told her no it wasn’t working because I feel completely overwhelmed and tired and hopeless all the time. She said I think you are just in a tough circumstance, that doesn’t mean you are depressed. I said well I spend hours sleeping and crying and have to fight to do anything normal. I’ve been in a “tough situation” for seven years since I was divorced. I work my ass off and try and try to make our lives better but things just get worse. 

Then she asks if I have health issues. I tell her I now have type 2 diabetes since I gained a hundred pounds in the past couple of years. She says “Oh no you have to take care of yourself or you cant take care of your kids. You have to try as best you can to take care of yourself and to fight this depression and not let it get to you.”

It was at this point I disconnected and noped out. I am so angry that this is the level of care someone gets. This is a fucking travesty. I am at the lowest point in my life and desperately need some help, and this is what America’s wonderful healthcare system has to offer.