Until now, I’ve had a year and a half to move on and he hasn’t been a mere afterthought. He was an international student and always said he would move back home after school (he graduated five months ago, I graduated the year prior). If not, he would “at least live in LA or NYC” because he hated my city. Yet here he is within ten miles of me. When we were together, he cheated on multiple occasions, and lied and gaslighted me constantly. In turn, I became codependent and extremely emotionally manipulative.

After getting diagnosed six months after we broke up, I was so ready to grow and change as a person without ever having to live in the shadow of this relationship again.I was so relieved for him to finally be a non-factor after controlling my sanity and emotions for so long. Now it feels stunted.

Who knows how he can hold the past over me now considering we might end up knowing some of the same people. What happens if I try to date someone who runs in his social circle. What happens when I go out and run into him. I’m left with this sickening feeling when all I ever wanted was to forget the relationship and finally have a clean slate. 

It makes me hate my city that I’ve always loved. Now I find myself planning to move to other random cities where I know no one to escape these thoughts lurking over me once and for all. What do I do. How do I feel better. 
