so, I was diagnosed with BPD at the age of 20 (I am now 30). For the most part the diagnosis fits but I've always wondered about one specific trait..

As a young teenager, I realized very quickly that I was incapable of normal relationships. I just don't like being close to people..I don't like them knowing how I think, and being intimate about my feelings.. I especially hate when they have the power to provoke in me any feelings. My relationship with my parents is..awful. They are nice people but they were never authority figures or the people I would show emotion to/seek approval from.

Anyway, I was never interested in being emotionally intimate with someone. I was what you called popular in high school but I never dated. I just didn't like that kind of closeness..I wasn't scared.. I just got my satisfaction by pretending to be whatever ideal woman the object of my interest wanted me to be and enjoyed manipulating them. The adoration and respect that came from being the unattainable one  was more than enough for me. 

&amp;#x200B;

Anyone know what I'm talking about? It's been bothering me for years