I’m 30 years old now, I grew up a very happy, athletic, talented, popular person. I had a psychosis episode in highschool while I was very high after smoking way more weed than I should have. I instantly became distant, depressed, paranoid and anxious. I’ve gradually become better at hiding and controlling all those hurdles but I’m constantly walking around with a mask on. I haven’t been truly happy in at least 10 years, several terrible relationships have made my current relationship very taxing on my gf which I feel terrible about. I perpetually feel like I’m getting dumber from stress and working so hard to seem happy. My cognition and dexterity is suffering and it’s what I value more than anything and that just accelerates the depression of feeling much less of myself than I used to be.