To start, I have battled anxiety and depression for a long time. 

I heard about a murder ~5 days ago that was really heinous. I then, for some reason, started thinking about that murder and what I could do that would be just as heinous. I won’t share specifics, but ever since the initial awful thoughts I’ve just had this bloom of thoughts and emotions. I’ve cried for 2 days in row. I feel like an absolute emotionally unavailable monster for the thoughts I keep having. Sent an email to my former therapist to resume treatment. Talked to my fiancée and my mother as well. Am absolutely terrified my fiancée will end our engagement even though she has been the most amazingly supportive partner through many bouts of anxiety/depression. Any shared experience, tips, etc are greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.