I finally sent the help me email to a CBT expert, been thinking about it and avoiding it for some time. I'm bawling my eyes out like a fucking child right now. I thought hitting enter would kill me but it didn't and now everything feels surreal and my SO isn't here to hug me to help me with these anxiety attack spasms. I kinda want the therapist to reply asap so I can get this over with but at the same time I don't, feels like every cell in my body is scolding me. I don't even know if I wrote the message appropriately, just told them I feel robbed of my life and it'd be nice to talk some day. I could play games while waiting but I can't concentrate on anything...