ive done everything possible to make this pain stop. therapy, medication, and every different variation of the two. every time something gets better it is gone just like that. im in incredible amounts of pain. i hate this. i dont deserve this feeling. noone deserves this. im done trying to be normal just like everyone else. if your thinking to yourself that i have so much more to live for and its worth sticking around you are wrong. you have no idea the mental anguish im constantly in. nothing could ever be worth this. its not going to end either. i dont want to die, but im not strong enough for this. my therapist has run out of ideas with me. im trying my hardest. i really am. but my motivation is running low.

right now im really just terrified of someone walking in on my corpse and having to deal with that trauma. im so scared of hurting people. im probably just gonna buy a couple bottles of vodka and choke down some fent and xanax with it. hopefully i dont throw up too much so there wont be much of a mess.