I realized today, after so many years, that I was invalidating the way that I made her feel the entire time. Sure, I did and said everything I consciously could to make her feel like her voice was heard. That her opinion mattered that I would respect the choices she made. But subconsciously I said things and made decisions that would constantly undo all of that.

Leaving constantly, blaming her for everything, seemingly never letting her speak her mind, any "no" or decline being met with numerous questions, constantly asking for something, only seeming to care about what it is she wants when i'm trying to get something, getting mad when I don't get what I'm asking of her. And the most crucial thing of all - saying sorry and then getting angry again like clockwork. 

All of these things lead to someone feeling like their feelings don't matter. Even IF they aren't airing out their feelings to you, or literally at all, it doesn't change that these actions make someone feel like it doesn't even matter what the fuck it is they want. And as for apologizing and then doing something fucked up again, that is without a doubt the #1 way to invalidate how someone feels. 

It is possible to know that someone genuinely fees sorry but apologies only really matter if the issue never comes up again, or at the very least, clear efforts have been made to prevent it from happening again. 

The most important thing I try to make people remember is, don't assume they don't have feelings. Don't assume they don't care. And don't equate silence with nothing to say. A lot of people simply don't know what to say, especially when they've already been made to believe that everything they do is fucking wrong.