Last night, for the first time in a long time, I wanted to hurt myself.
I didn't, nor do I believe I actually ever would, but it's the fact that I felt the desire. It was in part because I was drinking and writing, which can bring about some intense emotions. I called my closest friend and emailed my therapist just to help me through the torrent. I fell asleep shortly after and woke up to 13 missed calls and 2 extremely angry &amp; terrified voicemails. Its the first time I've felt like I have support.

It's been all going down hill for the past few weeks. I recently lost my job, partly because of my own issues, but also because of incompetence of my boss and owner. I don't feel terrible about it, but I did enjoy the job and the money was good. But since I've had all this free time, I've been getting back into bad habits.

Recently I've started online dating and it's gone better than I could have expected. But I'm afraid that the new attention will turn on me and I'll become dependent and depressed. I've also been engaging in a lot of sex with multiple partners. I hate to say it, but I'm not using condoms 100% of the time. I'm not worried that I've caught anything, but it's the principle that I want to be safe than sorry.

I've also gone back to eating more poorly than I usually do and working out less. Then toss in cigarettes and liquor and you've got a pretty good picture of what I consume.

I'm transitioning SSRIs currently, and I'll say that taking two at once has boosted my mood, but I don't know if they are having other detrimental effects.

I don't want this to just a vent/rant; I would like some suggestions on how to center myself and to create barriers to protect myself.

Thank you for reading.

PS - does anybody know how to add flair to the post? Thanks!
