Growing up as a kid me and my family moved cities a lot (because my dad's job required it), so each year for me was a new place, school and faces. Needless to say that was fucking horrible for me, imagine that dreaded "first day at school" but every single year. It made me extremely shy and horrible at socializing. Every new school I went everyone already knew each other since kindergarten, so I would always stand out as the new weird kid.

So when I was around 10 or something we moved to a new town that we would thankfully end up living for the next 6 years. There I met this kid that enjoyed everything I did and we became best friends instantly. We were besties until at 15 he moved out of town with his parents, and, at that time, I missed him dearly. Sounds good, right? I used to think like that... the thing is, as I grew older and became an adult I realized how much of a toxic asshole he was and how much damage he did to my mental health. I just had never noticed it because I was just so fucking desperate to have a friend. 

He would take any chance to demean me in front of everybody. You see, I was terrible in math (and he, the son of a super cool rich engineer, wasn't). He would call me a moron and a failure. I dreaded showing my tests to him, he was always a straight A student, while I would struggle. I remember once I was at his house and he did that in front of his older sister, I felt so fucking embarrassed. But I never lashed out, because he was right, I was a dumbass that wouldn't go nowhere in life.

What really affected me tho was how he called me a fatass. Growing up I was a really chubby kid, and he would taunt me all the time because of this (not only him, other people at class would make fun of me too, but he did it religiously). That fucked me up so hard that one day I would stop eating almost everything, I literally only ate a sandwich with salad in the morning and a plate of rice and beans on lunch. All that went for about a month or so, until my parents noticed and forced me to eat normally again (I went from 100kg to 70kg).

Looking back now as an adult and seeing how much I endured without saying a thing really disgusts me. I wish I could go back in time and cut every bond I had with him. I still carry his insults with me, I have zero confidence in everything I do and in my appearance... and I know I could change this, I could overcome this stupid childhood trauma with therapy, but honestly at this point in my life I have given up on everything, many other terrible things happened that are completely unrelated to this guy, way worse stuff. I just posted this here because I want to know if anyone else had similar issues, with toxic friends and shit.

Don't keep toxic mfs like this around.