I’m a 21M. I’m fucked and everything is fucked. I got bullied at 18 due to just not owning anything. I was wearing makeup but not owning the fact that I was wearing it. This was at college. I was so lost mentally I don’t know what was wrong. I got called out for wearing it and had a severe panic attack in front of a bunch of dudes. I made up a lie that a girl put makeup on me and was severely bullied after the fact. Verbally, sometimes physically by this one dude. I kept wearing the makeup after as well because I was just stuck in this weird habit. I’m so fucked. This is so sad. I was 18 getting treated like shit. There’s a video of me getting slapped because I thought I was nothing. I told these guys that my alcoholic father passed away. 

I had no idea what the world was and I think I’m gonna have to kill myself. They destroyed me and made me their fucking bitch. They took everything from me. I cannot grow from this. Looking back at it the reason it was so bad is probably because I don’t look bad if that makes sense. I’m not ugly and I’m not small. It wasn’t as sad to them probably because I appear to be like someone who can take it. But I was seriously abused and feel so shit right now. 

It was a horrible mishap that led to being severely abused and dude I don’t know. I am athletic and capable of being something. I want to be driven but it’s just too late, I have to kill myself. It’s so fucking sad. I never owned the makeup until now and it’s just too hard. I was a normal kind guy just did not fit in that environment. Everyone was very close and abusive to each other but I just couldn’t take it. Really it was all from this one dude who was significantly smaller than me but I did not know I could fight back. The makeup event was in the back of my head. They got so much pleasure from seeing me squirm and break. I wanna kill myself.