I was adopted when I was super young, like a couple weeks old. While I did have a family adoption I’ve never felt like anyone actually wanted me. I’m sure my bio-mom never wanted me , she was 13 when she gave birth to me so I don’t blame her for not wanting a child, children shouldn’t raise children. When she was a little younger she was able to get an abortion but with the second pregnancy our family said no. Throughout her pregnancy she abused drugs and alcohol and would run away consistently. Pretty much did everything to try and rid her self of me, she should’ve tried harder. I was born a super premature baby. And she was unfit to care for me, and she abandoned me. Once I was adopted by family ( knowing what I know now, it was a very reluctant choice) I just grew up feeling like a burden at every step of the way. If I did things right, it was good enough and I should’ve done better, if I did something wrong I was just punished, I was hit, spat on at one point verbally abused, made fun of and completely diminished as an individual. My feelings very mattered and everything I did was wrong. Going away for college was my only peace but now since graduating a couple years ago, I still don’t make enough to live on my own and had to stay at home. I work 5 days a week ( sometimes 6) and 10 hours a day. I know it sounds like I should make enough money but I feel like my drowning. I’ve got credit card debt from helping my family over the years and student loan debt and I see no way out of any of it. I’m not a candidate for bankruptcy and student loans stay anyway. I feel like I’m drowning above water constantly. Anything I do at home isn’t good enough and I feel like nothing I do at work is good enough, I think I just feel like I’m not good enough and I don’t know if I ever will be. I never get a break to just breathe. I’m so weak , if I was strong enough I’d end it. I wouldn’t plague my family with my presence. I know I was never wanted and I’m sorry I was born, I’m so sorry. I’m very sorry. I know I’m not loved, I know I’m not needed and I don’t know why I keep trying to feel wanted. I don’t even know why I’m saying this I think I just need to talk to the void.