TW: suicidal ideation

instead of feeling thrilled and happy to celebrate getting through life for another year, i feel... rather depressed.

I'd feel a lot more suicidal on my birthday, that's why i usually refuse to have a celebration for it. every morning, i'd hope that i could get through my birthday without feeling the need to take a knife and cut myself. at night, i'd hope that i could sleep it off instead of waiting for everyone to sleep and decided to overdose myself in silence. i wish i could cope a lot better, but it doesn't seem like i could do it.