I can’t believe this is my life. I feel like life is a game that I will never understand the rules to and am never going to consider fun anymore. When I was younger I felt more hopeful about the future but now it just seems so bleak… 
I have isolated myself from everyone and alienated myself in the process and just feel zero desire to start over. 

I feel like everyone is tired of me because they are…. I feel like people have never cared about me or if they did I couldn’t care about them properly. 
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years although I have threatened to leave a bunch. Not that I have anywhere to go— I don’t. I just feel trapped and miserable in my life and he doesn’t make it better (no person can I KNOW)
I just feel like I can’t change him and I don’t even want him to *change*. I just want him to do certain things he’s obviously incapable of doing... 
I think I should be alone a lot but I do love him. I know he loves me but he is who he is. And I am just a codependent, mentally ill, waste case…