This is probably rare, but my girlfriend/partner and I are both borderlines. We are also older than I expect this community to be.

That said, between the two of us, we have a lot of the spectrum covered.

When we fight or when we get upset, she covers the anger spectrum and I cover the fear and panic spectrum.

At this very moment we are fighting.

I'm going to ask that only people who care to respond continue past this point but I'm looking for couples advice.

like I said, she defaults to anger and I default to fear. It has been almost 3 years of us surviving as a mutually crazy couple. We are also alcoholics, albeit at different levels. We are both fighting the quarantine depression and the seasonal depression and the regular depression and anxiety and everything that comes with the package. I'm pretty sure everyone here understands.

Without getting to all the details and so on, because I know many people here understand, at this very moment for the first time I have blocked her on the phone. She blocks me every day or two even though it hurts me and has recommended that due to her anger issues that I block her and work on walking away before I panic.

Tonight, because of her depression I let her stay in the bed and I went out for a couple drinks. As an alcoholic, mind you I know it's a fellow alcoholic, she became very angry with me and is calling me names. For the first time, I have sucked it up and actually blocked her instead of pretending.

The taunting messages and memes and so on have started and I've invited her calmly to come down with total forgiveness to hang out and watch something on Netflix.

She is very good at instigating a fight as am I but I'm terrified that if I don't answer her messages and don't know what she is saying that something bad will happen. I'm not going to get into details but in the past bad bad bad things have happened because of anger.

I have to tell myself that if bad bad bad things happen because of the anger that I knew what I was getting into and should walk away. I need to remind myself that she said blocking her is the best thing to do.

But please help me. Please help me not unblock her. Please help me not answer her.

She came downstairs to get three of the beers because that was all she could do to fight back and then she stormed out of the apartment as if it was going to bother me.

I survived that and yes I mean survived because I guess well I'm sure you can imagine how I am.

Now, she is completely blocked and I'm afraid that she's either going to do something we will both regret in order to get back at me or I'm going to miss something important or hurt her feelings.

I don't think there's anything you can say that is intelligent or something that would be endorsed by a therapist or whatever I'm looking for some advice from anyone who has ever had to bite their tongue and worry about having blocked someone or actually walked away and actually not listened instead of pretending.

Come on? We all know we have pretended.