I am in a state of perpetual loneliness and aimlessness. My life has been the same mundane routine for a few years now and I don't know what to do. Every day for the last couple of years everything has just become so meaningless and pointless and its all the same. its not that I'm bored or anything it just I want something to change about how things are going in my life but at the same time I'm afraid that too much change will result in something worse so instead of trying to change things to make it more interesting I befriended interesting people which for a short period of time helped and made me exited for living and exited for what would come the next day. Not only where they interesting but they cared about me. If I wasn't where I said I was going to be they would be worried and they would actively ask me to do things with them. But then they all moved on and there personalities changed due to making more friends. I forgot how to socialize with people other than those friends and those friends weren't even the same people as I befriended. In the last ten years or so I had about 20-30 friends and people I genuinely cared about and now there's probably only one or two people I would consider having a conversation with. I probably haven't had a meaningful conversation with anyone in 5 years and I only really hang with them so people don't find out that I am as lonely as I really am. A lot of people where I am don't take things such as loneliness and depression seriously and usually joke about it. I want someone I can express my feeling to someone I can talk to about things I'm going through but there's just no one like that where I am at the moment. If the people I talk to know saw this then they would probably laugh or make a joke about it the following day. I really don't know why started typing this anymore. It sounds pretty pathetic that I don't have anyone to vent to so I substitute a good friend or someone that cares about me for a friggin subreddit.