Having a very hard time. I have two little ones 10 and 7. They're great kids and never have any issues. I'm finding the bipolar depression harder and harder. I've been pushing through for them but the suicidal thoughts are getting worse and worse. Can only imagine my husband would be better with someone not mentally ill and the kids would be better off too. Thoughts of my children always held me back but not so much anymore. I'm so scared of myself. I'm trying to be the best mom I can be and throw myself into their activities and taking care of them as a distraction. It's getting harder and harder. I guess I'm just looking for words of encouragement. I will go on today but the heaviness and suffering are so real. I will live for my children until I can live for myself but it's so difficult. I don't love them any less than any mother but I feel the darkness is going to take me away...