

I'm so afraid of people leaving me that I always shy away from forming any kind of relationships, even friendly acquaintances. I will talk to a new person and it will go well and we might even laugh together but as soon as I feel that I'm enjoying the interaction or that we could talk again, I feel so nervous snd uncomfortable. And I immediately feel the need to leave the situation and hide and scold myself for ??? being a person?? i dont even know, i just have an overwhelming feeling that I'm in danger and then extreme confusing guilt. Connecting with people, feeling close the them, or sharing anything with others is what I want more than anything else honestly. I don't know what's wrong with me or even how to put it into words sometimes why simple things are so hard. It feels so wrong to be happy anyway. I genuinely don't feel like I deserve any happiness or love. I feel uncomfortable when my family expresses that they care for me, or I don't believe them. I don't know how to forgive myself for every single tiny mistake I've ever made. I'm in therapy, I run into the same problems there.