So for a bit of back story... I have had 2 major periods of depression in my life. One when i was 15, and then one again when i was 19. The one when i was 15 was mainly due to the fact that i have cerebral palsy and my brain had finally grown enough to understand what that actually meant for me, and how hard it was to deal with being different. The second one was partly because of my diability aswell, but more due to the fact that i felt like i'd missed the boat on a lot of things normal teenagers do, and i didn't have as many or as close friends as i'd like to.  


Flash forward a bit to 2020, which, somehow even with the pandemic was the best year of my life, i'd finally slowly started to accept myself for who i was, and i felt like i was moving in the right direction.  


2021 then became even better! I went to this boarding school for young adults (Which is a thing in Denmark) with the goal of pushing as many of my boundaries as possible. Which i very much did! I started doing stand-up, got a lot more confident about myself and finally made peace with my disability And thought i made many good friends. I also moved out by myself and it went better than i had thought possible!  


But now i'm sitting here, as a 23 yo guy, not feeling like there's any point to anything... The good friends i thought i made last year don't seem to want to hang out with me at all anymore. Plus the 2 girls i ended up developing feelings for over the last year or so (at different times obviously) both didn't feel the same way. Which now takes that total throughout my life up to 8.  


So now sitting here, incredibly lonely, going to bed and waking up later and later, eating worse and worse and just all around feeling absolutely miserable. I'm not even really sure why i'm writing this here, but now it's off my chest i guess...  


Also as i was writing this i've noticed that there's been 4 years between each of my depression slumps, and now i wonder if that's coincidence.