So I totally fucked something up today, and it's just bought everything I was feeling to a head. I really do hate myself, I am utterly embarrassed to be me, I cringe when I think about myself and how much of an idiot I am. I know this isn't going to help anything but it's one of the strongest feelings I've ever had (and that's saying something - since I feel strongly about everything). 

I am so uncomfortable feeling like this, I don't know how long I will be able to deal with it safely :/ 

I just wish I could like myself a little bit but I detest myself instead.

P.S I know people will suggest therapy but I am in the UK and so have to wait for the national health service to supply me with a therapist.. and I've been waiting nearly 3 years so far.