I feel like I have been through so many horrible things in my past I just expect things will never get better. In the past I have really tried to maintain a positive attitude, but then things crashed and burned. Death of my mom, death of my child, divorce, failed relationships, financial difficulties. 

I'm fucked up and I know it.

It's killing my relationship.

I no longer trust nearly anyone, especially men (not meaning to sound rude or mean or hateful). But I have been screwed over and hurt soooo many times (yes I know a lot of people have) that I don't trust. 

Things started off this relationship in a positive way, because I was guarded. Finally started letting my guard down and que fear. Real fear. I've started overanalyzing every little thing. He's a gamer, and I take his gaming as not wanting to spend time with me. He's not at all emotional so I take his flat tones and lack of affection at times as he's mad. I assume the worst. 

It's like a cycle of negativity and I don't know how to change it. He's so beyond hurt at this point that I fear it's just not fixable. He's offended that I haven't trusted him and just assumed the worst. Rightfully so. 

I am in therapy and appointment next week to get back on meds.

Just feel really lost. I don't know how to fix this.
