I have cheated on the 2 serious partners I have had. One of which, I am still with. Have come to realise I did this whilst manic although that doesn't excuse it. 

I'm now on medication but I'm so worried that something might happen again, I don't consider myself to be a bad person but I really dont trust my brain. I trusted that I would never do these things, then they happened. How am I supposed to trust myself and how am I supposed to tell my partner that he can trust me when I don't fully understand what's going on? 

It's so fucking hard trying to maintain a relationship when you are constantly second guessing everything. I overthink and get paranoid then try and break off the relationship out of fear that my partner will hurt me but also because I am afraid of hurting them.

Can I ever get over this?