Hint. Its this guy. I was about to go to bed when i was just scrolling threw reddit when i see a advertisement for the wedding ring she wanted.

 It hit me hard. I have been crying for the last hour. We were supposed to get married in December. New year. New us.

 I hate that i ruined my life. Bpd helped but at the end of it. It was my breakdowns that hurt her. I just want to hear her voice again. Its been months. I have family who think i dont have bpd anymore because i act "normal" when im near them. The truth is it never hit me like this b4. 

I look at her photo every day. I..... i just dont want to keep going anymore. We listened to the same songs. We watched the same movies. I miss the little things the most. Her good morning/nights she would send while she's working. Or her quotes about how great i am. I dont feel great. 

Yesterday i didn't think about her at all because of my positivity post yesterday, but the good feelings were gone by this evening. Im sorry to rant but i know if i keep this bottled up i just break something.