I feel deep hate towards myself.

My parents were always really strict and had big expectations which I could never fulfill because anything I did was always not enough and wrong. For example if I had to choose between left and right and I did choose left, they proceeded to tell me that right is the only right way and how stupid I could be to choose left. In other situation if I had chosen right, they would turn the situation around and tell my how stupid it is to choose right and they have always known that left is the only choice. 

Therefore I'm scared of making any little or big decision because no choice would be good enough.

I've always felt I'm not good enough no matter what I do and I question everything I do daily. I can't trust myself and am suicidal.

Whenever my mom wants to give me food I refuse saying I'm not hungry but truly I'm hungry but I think that I don't deserve to eat. Once I feel better or I'm alone, I eat because I'm hungry.

What to do about it