TW - Mentions of transphobia? 

Hi, all. 

I'm feeling a bit lost right now, and I'm really struggling to understand what to do. I've only been recently diagnosed with BPD and I don't have a therapist yet, as I'm still waiting for my diagnostic report to be finished. I don't really have the skills yet to cope with these situations, so I was hoping some people here might have some advice.

Essentially, I'm trans nonbinary, and my FP brought up a rather transphobic comedian in conversation and was acting like the trans community were overreacting (even though he is cis, and has no real right to decide what is and isn't transphobic). This upset me, but he shut down the conversation before it escalated. After the phone call ended, I started splitting, so I did some research on the comedian to point out to my FP what was problematic and to have a conversation. I got increasingly angry, and called him back... 17 times. He didn't answer. In hindsight, I'm aware that I shouldn't have called so much, and I regret doing that. I only left two voicemails- one, requesting that he call me back as soon as possible, and another, outlining that unless we had this conversation, I wouldn't be comfortable being friends with him, because he might be harbouring some anti-trans beliefs that would make me feel unsafe around him. I didn't threaten, or attack, I just set boundaries. I need to have this conversation with him to feel safe and respected. 

(Side note- I'm just here to see if other people think I'm being toxic/manipulative/wrong for requesting communication to occur about a topic that has made me feel unsafe and uncomfortable- not to debate whether or not I was valid in feeling uncomfortable in the first place. Unless you're trans, it's not really your place.)

Two days later, he sent me a text saying "I don't want to talk about it". I replied saying that until we have this conversation, I'll need some space. Now, for context, we're meant to be moving in together with another friend of ours because he has recently been evicted. He wrote back, "what does this mean about the house then?", and I responded saying that until this conversation is had, I don't feel comfortable with him, and certainly wouldn't be moving in with him. I then apologised because the tone of the text came off harsher than intended. 

It's been 5 days, and he still won't talk to me. I sent another text today asking if he was ready to talk yet, and re-established that I need this conversation to happen to feel comfortable. Am I in the wrong here? Have I gone about this the wrong way? What do I do from here? I know I might not have been the best in communicating my needs, but I feel like him flat-out refusing to communicate with me about something that makes me uncomfortable is really wrong. Is it actually wrong or am I just devaluing him? How do I move forward? Our friendship is usually really solid, and we always communicate through fights, but this is the first time we've had a fight and he's ignored me. I'm really struggling to fight off the urge to cut him off completely. How do I fight these urges? Or should I let the friendship go? 

Thank you if you've taken the time to read this. I'm really upset right now, and not sure how to salvage this. 

Oli (he/they)

Also, this is my first time posting, so mods please correct me if I've put this in the wrong flair/tags? I don't really understand Reddit lol