I’m starting to think I may actually have PMDD just based on my symptoms and when they happen, but I’ve never actually been diagnosed so idk. 

Every time I’ve felt like this in the past I’ve just laid in bed all day while my family worries. They’re extroverts (they think I’m only like this because I’m “introverted”) who don’t understand, so sometimes it feels like they’re making fun of me. Now, while everyone else is gone for the day and I’m just sitting in bed, I force myself to get dressed and maybe even put on some makeup. I move my shoes around by the front door and switch my jacket to a different coat hanger to make it even more believable. Sometimes if I can I even take a walk or go to the store right before everyone gets home so that I can arrive home after them and say I’ve been gone all day too.

I only have like one friend, but I’ve said multiple times that I’ve been out with a large friend group when I haven’t been. It’s so easy to do this and then lay in bed and cry all day. I’ve also rationalized it because I’m supposed to be saving money and doing this means I’m not spending money, so it’s a win win on paper. But I’m becoming worse and nobody would ever guess it. 

I’m still actively looking for a job, but it’s relatively easy to open my phone and send in the resume I’ve had for years to people. I don’t know what I’m gonna do if/when I actually get hired, and what I’m gonna do when I start college.

The crazy thing is that sometimes I do get invited out by the one friend I still have, but I would often rather say I’m busy and stay inside all day. 

At least by pretending to go out I get motivated to practice hygiene and brush my teeth most mornings? Maybe I’ll be able to reverse the cavities I’ve gotten from not brushing my teeth due to depression. I’ve done that once too. I don’t know how it works, but sometimes it is possible to reverse cavities at home by brushing and flossing twice a day, so maybe there’s some motivation if you didn’t know that.