Hi

I'm using a throwaway account. I had to disconnect completely from my sister a few months ago. I am not particularly proud of this but I have to take it out of my chest. I'll try not to write a wall of text so I'll try to be as brief as possible.

We are 3 siblings, me being the youngest, and we lost our father at early age. My mother started dating Jim (let's call him that) while I was still a baby and despite I don't share DNA with Jim, I call him "dad". The reason being , he raised me , brought me to the doctor, went to school meetings, ... in short he is my dad now in his 70's.

This never sat too well for my sister. She has devoted her entire life telling everybody that she was raped by him (years later), talking crap about him and manipulating (quite crudely) or attempting to manipulate everybody against Jim. I do have proof that this never happened, also at some point she left home  on her 21st birthday, and while trying to know what was going on , my mother read some old letters she had sent to a friend. In there there were written things like "I wish my mother would 'disappear'(sic) and I would be with Jim forever", and other really hard stuff and supernasty thoughts. I do not want to extend on this but needless to say I know this wasn't true.

But not my mother. My mother feels guilty that somehow this could have happened right under her nose.

My sister has used this as a tool to manipulate us (not me anymore) into giving her money (constantly , and lots of money to the extent my mother has had to sell everything they had, including her house) for the debt my sister got her into (my mother was the guarantor in a few loans my sister took).

She has been my whole life an impossible person to deal with. Extremely aggresive, manipulative, impossible to reason with, narcissistic to the extent of talking everybody down , insulting, rude ... the thing is the late years I still lived with my mother, she gradually moved into our house , so gradually that she got to live with us without us even realizing. It has been one of the worst experiences of my life. One day she started yelling  with all her strength at less than an inch from my face, calling me homosexual slurs, that I was a whimp  and other things just because I asked her as she came home "hey, how you doing sweetie?" , I swear to god that's all that I did to trigger her. What was even weirder was her reaction when I went to my bedroom to cry so noone would see me. 5 minutes later, she came into the bedroom told her to go away in tears, and she started begging me to forgive her. Gets on top of me, with her legs spread on my body. Wipes my tears and starts kissing me in the mouth while rubbing her crotch on me and mustering like a maniac "sorry-kiss-sorry-kiss-sorry...". I do not know what the hell that was about. I told her "stop! stop! go away..." and finally pushed her out. And she started yelling and insulting again , how ungrateful I was ... next day I decided it was time to leave , and that I had to get my own place. I couldn't live with my sister anymore

This is just an example, of many many many episodes like this with her. I couldn't take it anymore so I left.

Despite all this, I tried to help her. Give her second chances (dozens , every month pretty much). I made her realize she has a problem (back then I didn't know what), but I did suspect drugs and mental imbalance of some sort. I got her to seek help and counselling. This is where she got diagnosed with a Borderline Personality Disorder. I helped her with the treatment, going to the sessions, make sure she took her meds. Everything.

I've always helped her not only economically, but also investing loads of time with her. The pshyciatrist recommended first of all to quit cocaine and alcohol abuse. Drove her daily sessions of group therapy, I went with her to every single psychiatrist appointment (I waited outside of course), helped her move out and give her money to help her pay the rent (she has obviously a hard time to keep jobs, because the boss is always a "jerk" and fired her "for no reason"). Usually the reason is exploding like the episode I just mentioned.

Every single time I would help, after a while she would again "explode" like this (she switched from "you are my saviour" to "you are the worst thing ever happened to me"). And every single time I have forgiven and tried to truly help her move on for the better with her life.

Thing is , a couple of months ago I had to go on surgery. My parents now live far away from here, about 2 day drive. My sister still lives in the same city I do. Yet, I didn't want to go through a surgical procedure alone, and I prefered not to involve my sister. 

So Jim told me he wanted to come over and help me. I told him no it's cool I got a friend who will accompany me (I lied, they are old and their eye sight isn't what used to be so I didn't want Jim to drive here) , you don't have to drive all the way here. Still Jim insisted he would come, whether I wanted or not if no other to have a friendly face when I woke up from the operation. Quite a nice gesture of him.

The same day, out of serendipity my sister messaged that day and told me if she could crash at my place that weekend (she had never asked that before), so I had to tell her about the surgical procedure, about Jim coming etc... She hung up on me without a word. Then proceeds to text me asking why in the hell I wouldn't trust my own sister on something like this. I started explaining that I didnt' want to burden her, and so on. She then proceed to ask me to give her my house keys. Tbh considering her past history of THEFT at my mother's , I rather have her not being any near my place, and even less handing her my keys. Also I wanted Jim to have a place to stay while I was recovering.

Well she went completely mad about this. Started getting really aggresive on the messages, that I was allowing a RAPIST over her at my place ... homosexual slurs, retard.... and a few other names ...blablablablablabla... I stoped checking my cellphone, and after 45 minutes or so I had 78 new unread messages.

So I waited the tantrum to pass, and the next day I texted her. Told her I don't want to ever have to see her again, that she really wounds me deep every single time she has a relapse and that I love Jim as a father, whether she likes it or not. And that I'm done. What ensued were messages threatening me  (that she would pay someone to kill me), she forwarded this to my mother telling her that out of nowhere I wouldn't let her crash at my home.

So here I am, 6 months after this, and I am still alive (no hoodlums have appeared to deal "justice") but I feel remorseful for not (yet again) forgiving and try again. I got my own life to put on track , and I feel it's time to move on. I was raised to believe family was the most important thing. But it reaches a point, you have to draw a line and just move on. 

It's sad, but I feel I'm scarred forever for these missadventures, but again I have to carry on with my life and move on. The only way I found this is possible is shutting her out of my life forever. I wish I could do something, I really do, but despite my best efforts I feel I have accomplished nothing other than losing my mind.