Anon account because I don't want my inner circle knowing how bad things are getting. 

Mirtazapine has been the worst decision I ever made. I have been on it nearly a month now and I'm tapering currently to return to sertraline. I initially went off sertraline because I didn't feel like I cared for my partner enough, and our sex life was lacking for me - I don't have much of a drive at the best of times and sertraline basically took all interest away and gave me anorgasmia. I decided after 5 years on sertraline (all of them with my partner) that a change might improve things for me. 

Enter mirtazapine. I have been sleeping 13 hours a day and have become angry over the smallest things. Today someone spoiled a show by accident and I was so irate I cried. I went up to 30mg and things were a little better, but I haven't worked in a month (still live at home thankfully) and I can't take any more time off but I definitely can't go back to work like this. I needed to days to recover from a stress headache after my last day back at work. 

I hate it. I'm angry all the time and then I'm sad that I'm angry - I push people away and then cry that I'm alone, even when they try their best I don't want to be near them. I'm disgusted at the thought of being intimate, and any time my partner tries to initiate I feel sick and like that's all I'm good for (which frankly isn't true and he's wonderful). 

I don't know what to do. On sertraline I'm basically asexual and I don't mind that, but I don't want to lose my partner over that in the long term. I can't expect him to just not have sex ever again because I'm fucked up in the head. I don't want to leave him, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. He's not perfect, but he's loving and patient, and does his best by me. 

I just needed to vent. Maybe being back on a lower dose (25mg) of sertraline might help. I'm have to wait and see.