Hey guys,

Been battling this for a while. 

Title honestly sounds pretty dumb but hear me out.

Played piano a ton as a kid, but stopped when i went to college. I've graduated college now and I wanna get back into piano, but just from practicing for 1 week, my carpal tunnel flared up to a point where I can barely even grip things now. (Got carpal tunnel probably from too much writing/typing and bad health physically and mentally during college). 

I know I need to treat this condition seriously, so I'm staying away from piano for a good while. Thing is, I've been so excited to get back onto piano, and now I can't even play it. For so long, and I mean like 2-3 years, I've struggled with listening to piano music (mainly piano covers of popular songs I like) because I keep having this thought like *"I want to play this myself! Why am I just listening?? I'm wasting my time!!"* 

Finally, I have the time to play piano since college is done, and 1 week in, I'm blocked once again. I get a mini panic attack every single damn time I listen to piano music, and I want this feeling to go away. I can't accept that I may never be able to play piano at my full potential due to my damn hands. 

I know I can just stop listening to piano music, which I have tried, but I always find myself coming back to it because that is truly the music I enjoy listening to. Yet, I can't fully enjoy it without knowing that I can actively practice piano. ugh. Idk what to do, this is a mess.