Idek what flair to put why is it necessary. Kinda sucked a little but it's ok

It's been a loooong time. I thought maybe I was done with that. But something happened that made me feel deserving, and it felt so good. I hate that. I'm ashamed of myself, yet all I want is to do it more. Why do I feel the need to, and why does it feel good? I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm done with this.