I am aware I have internalized the stigma towards BPD to an extent. The upside of this is I try to be very aware.

My friends are busy. There’s usually a rhythm to who contacts who. It’s pretty even. When it’s not, I reach out. It’s ok, I don’t mind doing the extra work. My life isn’t as busy lol and I want to be more social. I want good friendships. It’s been this way for a year and it truly didn’t bother me

But man. I’ve been growing in resentment and I’m at the forefront of my feelings. I need space from everyone. Like honestly fuck everyone. I will go back to isolating myself, idc. I went my whole life without close healthy friendships. this shit is new to me and I’m getting zero back. I have mentioned not doing well. It’s just sad. I don’t even want friendships anymore again. Or want to want them.