I feel like a monster I act so irrationally in my relationship. When we first met it was a imaginary rivalry between me and my boyfriends best friend then when I learned to overcome that crazy behavior and we moved back to his family home, now it’s a rivalry between me and his mother. I can’t tell if I’m being delusional and he actually is a mommy’s boy and she uses him for emotional support because her husband doesn’t or both. I’m losing it, I start to get worked up over some thought I have, and then get crazy anxiety until I can bring it up to my boyfriend, and when I do that it 100% leads to a fight, even little word triggers start fights because my boyfriend knows what I’m trying to say. Like I make shit fucking crazy until I can let out my thoughts, and it all explodes.  a trigger for me is when he eats something his mother cooks, the reaction is like it’s the most revolutionary food ever, even though i cook the same thing with the same recipe too sometimes, but no reaction. then if i talk about it he says i just don’t remember anything that he does that is positive because i just want to make him the bad guy every time. The thing I hate about myself the most is that I can’t control my emotions and they get so intense it just feels like I have to let it out and then when I do I regret it immediately and then am able to realize how ridiculous I am being. This cycle keeps going, and I know without my partner my life would feel worthless but I know that he would be happier without me