It's happening.  It's happening again. 

C'mon brain, work normal for once will ya? I promise i won't smash you into a cinder block like last time---ye---yeah i know i said that before but i couldn't stop those thoughts.  What thoughts?  Oh i think you know brain.  Those invasive, demonic, carnivorous thoughts that screw with every aspect of my life.  These fucking monsters.  You can't stop them.  they're always there.  I want them to go away.  Can you help me god?  Take a pill?  I tried that and i cant afford it any more.  Does that mean I'm SOL? I want to scream...but i can't...I don;t want to be the mental patient.  I'm scared.  It's always dark and i cant make sense of anything.  These thoughts...theyre laughing...yelling...taunting...theyre angry.  I cant explain to anyone...they just dont understand.  I want to get life back on track but every time im close I balk, set off a powder keg, then get angry that nothign works.  I want the world and at the same time i want nothing.  I want something but nothing.  I want to help people..but i dont want help.  I just dont want it any more.  It's fucking Groundhog day, every day.  I've lost the last year of my life, accomplished nothing, lost all my savings and am bound for worse.  Dear god, if you're out there., either have mercy on us or just make "it" quick and painless.  Let me go to sleep and not wake up.  I'm ok dreaming forever.  Just help every other person suffering this cancer and ill take the fall.  Fuck please....I cant take the fucking demons any more.  Theyre getting stronger and i cant hold them off any more.