At the moment I can't find any reason to live for myself but I don't want to die yet. I don't see myself in the future doing something that I won't regret for one reason or another. Right now life is like a gamble to me, do I double down or try to check out and cut my losses. This world is not a place that I want to experience so why go through all the pain and effort to live to see it. Both of my siblings have went through big mental problems and it stressed my parents out because of it and I don't want to burden them further. I'm only going on in life at the moment to make my parents happy. I'm scared to live on only to regret it. I don't want to end it because I still have the sliver of hope that something good will happen but at the same time I just wish I could stop existing and no one would remember me.