I retired in early 2018 and at first it was great.  No getting up early, no useless meetings, no HR bullshit and time to travel.   In the fall of 2019 I started having mild and sporadic  panic attacks. I didn't know what they were and went to the ER for a really bad one. I was diagnosed with panic disorder, aortic stenosis and sodium so low I was admitted to the hospital.  After getting out of the hospital I found a therapist and psychiatrist (for medical management).  Then the pandemic hit which, of course, fed right into my panic.  My husband's health is high risk (75, T2 diabetic, CHF and two past strokes).  Too say my panic level went up is an understatement.  I've tried more medications in the last two years than I've taken in my lifetime.  The only medication that's had any effect on my anxiety is Xanax, but I can't have it because its "bad" for old people.  I've tried to follow the advice of exercise, find a hobby (harder than one might think), meditation....blah, blah, blah, blah and now I'm just tired.  I'm tired of being so anxious I can barely function and yet keeping a brave face for my husband and friends.  I'm just really, really tired. Yes, we're vaccinated and boosted.  I don't plan on killing myself, but I do wonder how long I can go on like this without just freaking out.