Hi everyone!

I used to post here a lot when my life was crazy, it was a lot better recently so I haven’t posted. Now my ex (my fp) decided to re-enter my life and completely fuck it up. Now I’m spiraling.


Basically two years ago I ended a 4 year relationship with a nvm bc of various factors but an emotional affair was the straw that broke the camels back. Tried my best to heal and move on, dated some men, realized most of them are shit and just kept going on with my life. 

In February of this year my ex friended my on fb (I made a new profile with no identifying info and only 40 friends so he really looked for me.) I didn’t accept for a month but I finally did because my anxiety was giving me more what if’s and generally driving me crazy and I figured that nothing in reality could be worse then my brain. He started liking my posts and watching my stories but that’s it. I felt at peace with this I guess.

Last Saturday was my birthday and he messaged me. Things were going great for days and I really thought he took the two years to reflect and change his behaviors. He was a little love bomb-y but I could see the signs and called him on his shit. Like saying I was beautiful, I was a great woman in all the right ways, that after all this time our connection was still so strong and we chose to love each other  through what happened. After these messages I must admit I got excited and started fantasizing (big mistake I know.)

He  ghosted me on Wednesday afternoon and I realized my wounds aren’t healed to give him even a “friendship” so I messaged him yesterday telling him I’m glad he’s in a better place in life but his presence brought me back to my relationship of the past and was disrupting my peace for what? He didn’t like that and all the nice words from before turned cold and one word replies. He gave me some shit excuse about an emergency (for 5 days? That you can’t even send a 10 sec text to let someone that you have such a connection with know? Nah, try again.) After that I unfriended him and deleted the message thread so I couldn’t read his nice messages and become weak for his bs words again.

I know what I did was right for my inner peace and my life. But I still feel like shit. Can anyone offer any words so I can try and feel a little better? It doesn’t feel anywhere as bad as the breakup but I am upset.

I fucking love him but he never treats me right and this is just bullshit and I wish I never met him. Why can I never let him go? I shouldn’t be this upset 2 years post breakup.

Thank you all.