I have been fighting depression since the age of around 15. It's going to be almost 7 yrs since of the upcoming 22nd birthday. Which I absolutely don't look forward too due to many reasons

The thing is that it keep coming back and it doesn't matter what I do. It always comes back

I have changed my whole life 180° for the better. Literally, I go the gym multiple times a week, have abs and a nice muscular toned physique. Follow up with a diet, sleep well, do house chores, managed to take on a job in a iron castings factory lifting extremely heavy. I EVEN quit smoking, drinking, drugs porn completely

SO WHY THE FUCK IS LIFR SO UNFAIR TO ME. I'm so pissed and sad about this. I literally do everything possible to better my mental health, physical health and future and this shit keeps coming back

It makes me just feel like giving it all up, why even try and be sober when you do every single thing possible to be better and it gets better for some time just to fall to rock bottom out of nowhere for extended time

I've been in rehabs, psych wards, took meds, been to therapy. Nothing helps and it wasn't like a short try kind of thing, I tried it for years and no success. What has been helping the most was my current lifestyle without meds and fucking up my neuronal structure any more

So, literally what's the fucking point in being better and sober when you see and do everything to be better and it still gets way worse then back when using