The depression is beginning to take over my life again, and little things are sending me into downward spirals of pain and darkness. My self-esteem deteriorates with each perceived social, professional, or romantic rejection I sustain. I feel myself slipping back into old thought patterns.

I feel lethargic, heavy, weighed down by my own existence. I feel hideous, undesirable, unworthy of love. I feel as if I’m fatally flawed in some fundamental way.  

I’ve been feeling suicidal again, fantasizing about ending it all.  I’ve begun self-harming again: beating myself, cutting myself, slapping myself in the face to demonstrate how little respect I truly deserve as a human being.   

I know my family will be devastated if I commit suicide. I know that acquaintances (I don’t have any friends) will be negatively affected by my death if I go through with it. My suicidal fantasies are purely selfish; I no longer want to have to endure this pain. 