It’s hella sad. Lost all my friends that I knew for 7 years after a psychotic crisis. I’m 21 and it’s really hard out there. It’s definitely not easy at all to start from scratch. Everyone at my university cohort seem to have their own definite group of friends and to be at confortable with their social skills. I only have acquaintances. No matter how much I go out or sign up for a new hobby it almost seem impossible to make new connections as an adult. It’s totally not easy as signing up to the gym and meeting new ppl like some say. I only have my family whom i love very much but what will happen when I’ll have to work overseas? They won’t be there forever too. 

My therapist helps me but she doesn’t understand why it’s that hard to socialize. I feel like my personality is a curse. I’m starting to slowly lose my social skills. I spend more time on bed because sleep is my only escape from life. Sometimes I’d just cry on my pillow when i think about my future. I was happy to receive a new message on reddit and discuss but turns out it was just a dude who desperately wanted a girlfriend. 

Maybe I’m just destined to be alone with pets. Maybe I should just learn to be happy to only have acquaintances. Life seems so meaningless like this, no matter how many people told me that hapiness shouldn’t be about relationships. Nobody deserves this seriously. I’d rather die earlier but surrounded by loved ones than suffer like this. I keep working on myself but it’s just so hard sometimes.