So, for one: I’m not here to complain. I just want to describe the type of feelings that I’m feelings and I hope that some of you out there understand, have experienced it, and can give me some advice?

I guess without going into much detail because that will just make me feel worse... 

1) My roommate/brother just doesn’t seem to like me that much any more. Like I work 80 hours a week so we can afford..life in general. and we’re moving to a new place and any conversation I have with him, about something fun or something we need to take care of, or that he needs to help me take care of (he works 35 hrs a week so he has more time) he just shuts down. I’ve been giving him space and he’s holding that against me. I talk and he holds that against me. He’s turned another friend against me too, even though I don’t think he meant it. This is by far not enough detail for the situation, and if you have questions I don’t mind answering. This one just hurts a lot to describe. 

2) I’m polyamorous. I am partnered with one person, who lives in Germany. He was supposed to be immigrating here before Biden locked that down (please no political discussion), but we’ve found a way for us to visit until he can immigrate. This was a joint discussion, and we both planned it together. I just found out today he was going to enroll himself in college today. Without even telling me or taking to me about it. That’s years long commitment he was going to do.  It means that he wouldn’t be immigrating, it’s be harder to plan visits with both of our schedules. He made this huge decision without involving me at all. And I still have no idea what he’s going to do. 

3) I had a... fling? Not a full on boyfriend, but we went on several dates, were seeing each other and hanging out three or so times a week...  anyway he’s someone from work. And I should have known better having BPD and working on my attachment issues. But he shut it down a month ago, by ghosting. Which is dumb, since were coworkers and can’t actually be successful, but 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s been over a month. I was doing good about not thinking about him, actually healing from the hurt, and moving on. But then I saw that he’s in a new relationship. And all this pain is back. 


And so I know that I have a lot of changing that I need to do. I know I haven’t been the best person, I’ve been hurting a lot recently and just haven’t been myself. I’m working on it with my therapist. But I think I need some advice about how to handle all of these feelings of abandonment and betrayal coming at me all at this same time. Anyone have some suggestions? Maybe some that work for you? Getting desperate here 😂