I was recently diagnosed with BPD a few months ago, but suspect I’ve had it for 10+ years as I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder. In that time I’ve dated multiple people, but there were two in particular that I couldn’t seem to get over. One I was obsessed with for 4 years. Constantly forcing myself into his life every now and again. I finally broke that cycle, but now I can’t seem to get over my ex boyfriend. It didn’t end on my terms and I never really got a solid answer on why we broke up. I’ve kept his phone number in a safe spot in my phone so friends can’t delete it on me. I even have texts pre-typed out in case I feel like I need to text him one day. I can’t stop thinking about him, to the point he is in my dreams. I still wear the same type lotion he used, so I can smell like him. I don’t understand why I’m doing this to myself, and why I can’t seem to move on. It’s been over a year now. Since he’s not actively in my life, I don’t consider him my FP. This is all so confusing, and I’m afraid of messing up.