I have had many psychologists, and have been diagnosed many times as BPD but every doc throws additional mental afflictions onto that core personality disorder which vary every time. My current one, after stating that I’m high functioning, went on to say that it’s because I can manage to keep up appearances even when everything is fucked.      I’m too manipulative to feel oppressed. I use mirroring as a way too fit in anywhere, instead of feeling crippled by my lack of a true identity. I cheat in relationships and don’t feel any guilt. My “love” for a person is always superficial and I get over people just by erasing any trace of them from my phone, home, and mind. When I’m with someone I always assume that they’re lying to me, but instead of making that known to them, I get back at them by messing with their lives without having proof of them doing me wrong. I get bored with people really quickly. I switch out boyfriends every 2-4 months. I get really worried that they’ll leave me but only because I want to be the one to leave them, not because it would hurt me. I love sex and don’t use condoms. I rotate friends and can only take them in small doses. I can be really cruel just for fun.      I’m chronically split between boredom and melancholy. I love drugs but I never get addicted to anything. I shift between them and whenever I start to feel negative side effects I just stop and switch to something else with out any problems. I’m extremely irritable and snap often but I recover quickly and play it off like I was just joking or being theatrical. And I genuinely stop caring about things that would at some point make me really mad. It only last for a few minutes of strong feelings and then it’s like nothing happened.      I have these weird moments that are forged sheer joy, excitement, or elation (it physically feels like taking that one really deep breath that feels super satisfying x10, and I always do this weird giddy laugh that makes me ashamed) and it’s for the most mundane things (a singer I like releasing a new song, realizing I have $5 more than I thought I did...).      I have occasional sleep paralysis, and it always takes me at least an hour of being awake before I realize I’m not dreaming anymore (I think whatever I dreamt about is actually my reality). I have mild visual hallucinations, like seeing small things moving from the corner of my eye or objects looking glitchy. I have generalized anxiety and ADD as well.    I get prescribed adderall and Xanax currently. I rarely take anything because I’ve grown to dislike them. I like adderall more though because I love control. I’ve tried tons of prescription medications. I’ve taken lithium, risperidone, tons of anti-depressants, most of the other benzodiazepines, even calming antihistamines (hydroxyzine HCL). Nothing has made a dent that wasn’t instant gratification but I don’t take things that make me gain weight or make me sluggish.        I like to mess with people’s emotions and am really good at convincing people to do things that they wouldn’t do. I can also convince people of outrageous bullshit and can even convince myself. I rarely ever did HW in high school or college because I didn’t want to get out of bed but then I’d just charm my teachers into giving me a good grade.     There’s a lot.. I understand the difficulty in giving me a more thorough diagnosis. Doesn’t mean I’m okay with being jerked around between illnesses, disorder, and pills. 