I have started noticing my crippling depression  when I was about 12 years old, 11 years ago. 

Was diagnosed with depression until about 6 months ago, when I received my diagnosis for BPD and cyclothymia. 

While I've always been torn between creating and destroying, it's always been much easier to destroy, burn the bridges, isolate myself. Even when people tried to show empathy, or relate. I know they don't. 


And well, at this point, I've lost the meaning of friendship, love, dreams, goals, trust and perhaps of life itself... I've become what I hated most, and discarded what people loved the most - well come to think of it, I had always been a black sheep. 

 And through all downs and downers, I've only been questioning on why is any of this meaningful? What makes life worthwhile? Not to me but in general.. 

I can't stand people anymore, and people can't stand me. Most of the psys I've seen were of no actual help, and I've seen 6 of them so far, and I'm leaving 2 out. 