I’m so fucking tired. I literally want to do nothing but sleep. All I wanna do is lay down and rest and feel better later, but that never fucking happens. I can’t sleep, I don’t get enough sleep, I can’t stay awake. 

Idk how this shit’s happening, and idk how to fix it. I know I should be getting up more and moving around, but honestly I really don’t fucking feel like it. I’m so tired, I want to sleep so bad and never wake up. But I can only do that by killing myself, which I hope I’ll do one day.

I’m tired of living, existence is pain, constant fucking headaches. Nothing gets rid of them. Nothing gets rid of my negative thoughts either, all I’ve been doing is watching Daz Games on YouTube bc that’s the only thing that’s helping me now. 

He’s the only thing keeping me happy, from losing my fucking mind, from thinking about hurting myself. I wish I was more like him, but I just don’t see that ever happening. All I’ve done is waste my fucking life away in bed, but what’s the point in trying to be happy and motivated anymore? 

At this point all I want is someone to talk to, I don’t even fucking care about getting help anymore. It’s all pointless. I wish I was dead, I should be dead. I really should be dead, I can’t stand it here. It hurts to live like this, I hate this fucking world I’m in and I want to leave.

I plead every day for my death to come. I can’t do things anymore, I can’t think clearly. All I think about is hurting myself, and all these fictional worlds and characters that distract me from the horrors of reality. 

I try to keep thinking positive stuff, but the negative shit always tries to find its way in, and I think it’s actually gonna kill me one day. Idk how to control my thoughts, I can’t do anything. I’m literally trapped in my own mind, and I can’t get out.

Idk how to tell anyone, idk how to explain it, I don’t even like talking about it bc I don’t think I deserve anything good. I’m fucking ashamed of myself and the way I was born, I wish I had the balls to mutilate my body more severely, but even physical pain is too much.

But I still need to feel it in order to feel something. I’m so emotionally numb, sometimes I just don’t even feel sorry for people. Why do people want me alive?