TW: speaking freely about sexual assault

Hello.
Long story "short". My friend and I went to the same university and even took the same classes/courses, just a few years a part. Preschool teachers. Bachelor of arts. I needed to take a few breaks mainly because I was raped twice during this time. It took a real toll on me and all of my mental illnesses. I've suffered greatly. But, finally, 3 years after I originally "should" have been done with my studies, I got my degree and am now officially a preschool teacher since May of last year.

The last 4 courses, I always had to do do-overs. I never passed on my first try. Which is so weird to me, because I'm really great at writing, grammar and taking care of kids. The teachers have been ROUGH on me. My friend, however, basically slid through uni without a single flaw. I mean, in the teachers' eyes. I've read her papers a few times and there's always a bunch of bad grammar, referencing literature the wrong way and not having enough literary references etc.

I read her last one as well. I was convinced she would need to write a new one or at least make that one better, this is the final paper ever, damnit. But she passed. Even with A LOT of flaws. She had 16 literary references in her scientific research paper thingy. I had 32 in mine. And I was still met with attitude when I finally passed. And that was most of the critique from the teacher, that I didn't have enough references. And I still got 2 "Nope, do better". And this was in the beginning/midst of a pandemic. I was going to interviews for preschool positions and I was job searching a lot at the same time as I tried to find new research for the paper.., to please the teacher.

But.. She passes. Of course. She always fucking does. She also already has a job as a nanny which apparently is enough.. She's been a substitute teacher for a few years as well, basically working 50% while studying 100% and taking out student loans. She has no issues. She could just begin working full time basically today and she'd be fine. Meanwhile, I finally have an unpaid internship because I didn't get a job during my 6 months job search. I got 5 interviews. 5. And maybe 40 "sorry but we hired someone else". I'm too sick to work anyway, but still.

I'm just at a loss. I've congratulated her but I really can't handle how easy uni has been for her. I can't believe it. It seems almost like she always got the best (laziest?) teachers and I got the meanest ones. I really can't believe how differently they judge.. It seems almost discriminatory at this point.

But I've managed to hide my emotions from her since I know it's not her fault that I've had it so much harder than her in life. It just fucking hurts when everything just always magically "WORKS OUT" for her while I walk in to walls constantly.. I'm tired of having a hard life. I just want something easy for once..

I don't know.. How would you react if you were me in this scenario? Consider also the fact that she has a supportive family (2 parents, a mom and dad, and 2 siblings, a sister and a brother) and lives with her sister. I have 1 mom whose problem with alcohol always ruins our get-togethers and I also have no siblings. I live with my toxic ex...