I didn’t realise how people really see BPD, they really hate us. I was raised by a narcissist and I thought having bpd wouldn’t be too bad as a parent because I can sympathise with my child’s emotions and I love so strongly that it hurts, and that’s something I never received as a child. I don’t want to be seen in a bad light I’m trying my best. 
Edit: something that a lot of people say is that we always victimise myself, am I doing that now? How do I know when I’m being manipulative?