My story is im 39 male from uk. I have never had a relationship. Partially my fault because i honestly only ever really found muscular athletic girls attractive. I also never knew any so i never bothered trying to get fit myself and depression has led to my weight ballooning. I could date someone who isnt that, but i dont think it would be satisfying for me and them and done out of lonlineless which would not be helpful. I decided recently i want to get fit and healthy and then maybe try and find someone with dating sites. But i today felt really sad and made me feel like these goals are unlikely. Im nearly 40, out of shape and depressed with no relationship experience. And to top it off i had a bad panic attack in sleep which has left me shaken.  Idk i just needed to talk about it. Sometimes i see guys who have everything id have wanted in life and i cant help feel resentful and alone. I dont want to feel bitter or lonely or hateful or jealous but i do. I want to be better and a lot of the time i believe i can be. But its so painful being invisible to the women i do like (only ever known them online or tried to know them anyway). Idk. Thanks for listening. I hope I dont sound too much like an asshole.