I can't get rid of the feeling that I want to validated for my feelings by adults close to me. I am a fucking adult (19) and yet I need my parental figures and biological mother to validate that I feel ignored, abandoned and used.

My real mom is constantly out of the house out and about and even went on a trip to NY, I stayed home because I hate leaving home but I actually missed her like an idiot, and when she came back she ignored the fact that I tried to clean up the house and focused on the fact that I forgot to clean the dishes. I swept the entire fucking kitchen and living room, tried my best to be welcoming and happy to see them DESPITE the fact I had gotten sick and lost my voice, and my mom still yelled at me for missing the dishes.

My biological father also feels like he doesn't give a shit about how I feel. He only ever calls me to ask about my little brother who he never hit or acted the same way with me, and my little brother refuses to answer him on the phone and my mom has blocked him so I just have to sit there and listen to him say "Hey Jess where's (lil bro?) Is he with your mom? Can you talk to him for me?"

In fact after this I'm just gonna straight up text him not to ask my about my brother anymore and to let my brother talk to him when he wants to because I just feel fucking used at this point.

Now onto my other parents, who are friends that I see as parental figures. Mother figure is fine and sweet but I can't shake the feeling she secretly dislikes me or that I'm always doing something wrong and that's not her fault. I really honestly wanna connect with her and get to know her a lot more but I'm not good at socializing and she's more of a new friend.

Father figure is awesome and validating but busy most of the time and it just makes me feel a little ignored. I of course wanna tell him what I'm feeling upset about but it's this feeling "he's already busy enough and you wanna just cry like a little bitch about everything that's bothering you and how you feel ignored?" I feel like I can't tell any of my parents how I feel without being gaslighted or my feelings being put down, OR feeling guilty for telling them anything at all. I wanna trust my father figure but I'll just put him under more stress and he's already being so patient with me in being understanding when I feel lonely and upset, and telling him my bio family isn't being great feels like a dick move. But... At the same time I wanna be hugged and told I matter from a parent. That I'm not just... A tool or useless and that my feelings actually matter. That I'm free to feel what I feel ...