I never have. Idk if I ever will. My self confidence goes from “I’m so hot” to “I’m so fucking disgusting” on a day to day basis. 

I tell ppl I dnt like my face. And I dnt. I hate it. I wish I could cut myself off at the neck. No head. 

People say “BUT WHY. YOURE SO BEAUTIFUL” 

But I dnt tell them that I was sexually abused for 3 years as a child. That due to this I feel so disgusting in my own skin. It’s like there’s something in my veins that makes me so damn repulsed at myself. 

I don’t tell them that my step dad used to tell me I was ugly. Every. Single day. He’d say “yeah I’m fat. I can go on a diet. But you’re ugly. You can’t fix that”. 

Everyday for years. I dnt tell them that my mom let him say those things to me. She never defended me. 

And behind closed doors I was being sexually abused for years. I curled in on myself. 

I am ugly. I feel ugly. I feel disgusted with my whole being. 

I was so depressed as a child, pre-teen and some of my teenager years. I wore giant hoodies everyday to hide my body because I was disgusted by it. I hid behind my bangs. And always had my hair in the same boring ponytail. I wore baggy clothes. 

I cut myself because I hated myself. 

How do I feel beautiful? I’m not sure how. I’m not sure if I ever can....