Me and my boyfriend recently moved in together. We have a good relationship, he knows a lot about my problems and we communicate pretty good. We already had a fair deal of living together in the same studenthouse, so it wasn't a real big step. Or at least I thought.   


I mean, I didn't underestimate it. We talked so many times about my mood swings, dissociations, etc. I read 584204 books about regulation and all that, we discussed strategies. Yet I am struggling with a lot of things. I am surprised, because I never felt so stable before and that is mainly because of this wonderful relationship. I trust him, I love him and I feel very safe with him.   


Right now I spend my time worrying all the time. I don't know how to behave when he's around all day, I don't know how to fully be myself 24/7, I don't know how to be alone for longer than 3 hours. I feel very insecure all the time about how I look and who I am. I became much more paranoia about my boyfriend lying to me or doing things behind my back. I feel like I trust him less than before and find it very hard to talk about my problems, since I don't want to scare him off. I also am bored, because I don't know what to do, so that's a nice trigger for bad behaviour.   


There are some things I don't like about the relationship at the moment, but I am never sure if it's really a problem or if it's just my BPD. So, I don't address those things since I don't know if they are true. I am never sure if I can trust my views or feelings which makes this even harder.   


I even, and I hate myself for admitting this, can't stand the fact that he masturbates. (Now ofcourse I would never forbid that because that is insane, I know damn well I shouldn't feel bad about it and masturbation is healthy and normal, BUT I DO WORRY and I don't know how to stop feeling like shit over it).   


Now all of the above doesn't make living with me easier, so it's not going that great. I'm trying to live a good life, so I exercise and eat healthy and sleep and do fun things, but I keep feeling sad.  
I feel unhappy, even though my life has never been this good. What the hell?? And I feel bad and guilty for my boyfriend aswell. He has his flaws, but I am definitely more the problem here. I don't want to ruin this.   


I know therapy is necessary. I'm actually starting in 2 weeks. I guess I'm just looking for some tips on how to cope. I love life, but it's hard to be someone with BPD in life.