Everytime I've had sex in the past decade (I'm 24 y/o) was really just me desperately trying to (hopefully) get to the part where I can just feel someone hold me against them.  Sex doesn't feel right to me, and I just want to feel safe, warm, and loved.  It's sucks though, because nobody ever figures that a 6'2 dude just wants to be someone's little spoon.  Nah, I'm just supposed to tough it out, like it's my job to be like that.  And anytime I try to tell anyone that I feel this way, I just get invalidated, even by my closest friends who know all about my diagnosis.  If I had to fucking castrate myself just to get the love I need, I would do it with the first rusty, sharp thing I could find.  😔