tw: dental hygiene, showers(lack of), ect

hi all, i just wanna vent a little, hope thats okay. since i was 13 years old, i was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ptsd, eating disorder. since 13, i have taken very little care of my teeth. had braces, never really brushed, never flossed. my depression since then has just been a whirlwind. im now 20, and i finally decided i want to take better care of them. im just so anxious about starting because i have a dentist appointment on thursday and today is sunday. im so worried that my dentist will be appauled by my teeth. my gums are like a dark pink, at the edges of my teeth my gums are pulling away from the teeth. the gum is like a flap and its able to move off of it. i always have a bad taste in  my mouth, and whenever i try to brush my teeth, i bleed a lot from my gums. its just so difficult because at this point its at an awful state. in addition to my teeth being in terrible condition, i barely shower. its so hard to take care of myself when i dont love myself.