Whenever I look in the mirror, I think of him and begin to cry. 

He left me two days ago, after 10 months of being together. He suddenly got quite emotionally unavailable, and I tried my hardest not to start acting desperate. I didn't. But it made me feel worse than I'd ever felt, so painful I felt beyond numb, an indescribably horrible feeling.

Now that he's left, I cant detach who I am from him. It's like I belong to him, like I need him. I feel so empty being in a body that belongs to him, only for him, and being alone. I feel like who I am is fundamentally and directly relating to my ex-boyfriend. 

I know that these thoughts aren't rational. It's just how I feel. No one else seems to understand and I feel so upset, so alone. I don't think they know what it means, how it feels, to grieve someone when you suffer from BPD and depressive anxious attachment. They will never know, and at least I'm glad they they will probably never go through such an experience. 

However, I know you guys understand. Thanks for letting me talk.❤️