
Y'all I've been trying my fucking best to keep my head up about this for a week.

I was fired for the first time ever for very illegitimate reasons (provably, legally, total bullshit reasons) and it has caused me to be very mean to myself and I want to do things which are huge no-no's, because I am scared and angry. 

I've been through this before. Enough people lie about me, I don't get unemployment, I starve, and then someone swoops in and feeds me, finds out I don't have a job, and then finds me another incredibly insufficient job.

I am very slowly, painfully realizing that having been in MENSA, taking and passing the SAT at age 11, with flying colors etc, means shit to employers. 

I have two college degrees...trying to settle my finances, build credit, and get my pilot's license.

Not that I personally, logically, think there is anything wrong with this but it seems my only option (which can't even support my needs) is to go back to food service or do janitorial work. 

(Btw I've been in food service/retail my whole life...I'm 25...)

I thought I was good enough to become an adult. To grow up and support myself. 

And I wanna do terrible things to myself as a result of feeling so hopeless.

Meanwhile my roommate who has zero degrees and is neurotypical as fuck keeps bragging about how she knows all these skills and how people are all over her for jobs, and how she will be making six figures this time next year, and how easy her job is. She's gonna buy a house soon, and objectively that's awesome but damn if I'm worried I won't be alive to see it.


This is what having a disability is. Feeling like a burden and a child, an obligation. God's fuckin mistake. I can't sit around and rot like this. I want to work. I want to be useful.