Hi everyone!

I (22F) want to start off by saying, by no means am I trying to self diagnose as I know how harmful this can be. I truly just want to see if I can relate to others in any way, as it would make things a bit clearer for me. 

So, I watched the Selena Gomez documentary the day it came out. As I was watching I found myself relating to her and her struggles with her mental health. After watching, I felt compelled to do a bunch of research. For a good majority of my life, my mental health has always been an issue. The best way I can describe it is exhausting really. I guess I never really realized it, but I feel as though I am always going "up and down." A part of me always thought it was normal to have these shifts though and it was just a part of life. I will have periods of depression where I struggle to even bathe regularly, keep up with my hygiene, have suicidal ideation, and lay in bed all day with essentially no strength to do anything as it takes too much energy out of me. Now, on the other side I will have very brief periods where I feel amazing. I will wake up with loads of energy and feel extremely motivated. I'll sing in the shower, dance around my room, blast music in the car and sing along. My self esteem is also in a much better places during these brief periods as well. A part of the reason I am making this post is because I feel like these brief periods I have aren't me acting super out of character though. I don't spend a lot of money (at least I don't think I do) and I don't really engage in "risky" behavior I would say. I am notoriously bad at explaining symptoms I experience so I apologize if this isn't really much to go off of. Also, as of the last year or so I have been experiencing derealization, which has been very scary for me to be completely honest. 

Also, a big reason I am seeking some clarity/advice is because I graduate nursing school in less than a month and my mental health is starting to make me think it will be hard to keep a nursing job. Right now, I can get away with laying in bed and doing nothing all day during my depressive episodes because I only work 2 times in a pay period at my current hospital and am obviously in school. I fear that when I start a job I'll really struggle and not be able to "keep up" during these periods. 

I also want to add that I do go to therapy! However, for some reason I am not fully transparent with her about my suicidal ideations, which I know I need to be and I plan on speaking about this with her tomorrow. Should I bring up bipolar disorder with her? What do you think? 

Any comments and insight is appreciated! :)