
So in my religion, I can't go to heaven because I think that I committed the unforgivable sin, which is attributing the miracles of the Holy Spirit to Satan. I can't seek after God and I feel like I committed the worst atrocity ever. God has shut his doors on me and I feel like I can't hold a job, go to school or even sleep at night. I haven't left my bed for a while and I struggle to get up in the morning and speak to people. I struggle to laugh and smile. I can't even look outside without crying because so many people get to spend eternity in a heavenly place while I rot in hell with worms and nasty stuff. I struggle to function in my life while I have student loans from college to pay off but I don't see the point of continuing if I can't be happy. No women, money or anything in this world can help my situation. How do I keep the willpower to keep moving forward?