I have ups and downs as does most people but I have come pretty far along in my life to recognize that sometimes i can cause my own episodes by purposely thinking certain thoughts and persuading myself to follow that thought and act on it even though i can slight predict it will NOT lead me down a good path.

Basically what I am saying is that I know how to think myself into a depressive , manic and a psychotic epsiode. i know what thoughts to hold onto. I know what my triggers are and I don't effectively know hwo to handle them sometime. like is it reall or am i MAKING this real? 

along the lines of thoughts create reality?

I 'm confused if my episode is something i gave to myself with the thoughts i sent out into the world and into my soul or if this is something outside of my control?