I (22M) moved to my older sister about half a year ago. Before that i lived in the city and was heavily addicted to drugs and wanted to end my life. I lived in a single bedroom apartment that was filled to the brim with trash, you couldn't even see the floor, to be honest i couldn't even try to image the smell anymore because it was so bad that all my neighbours took notice of it. That and the smell of smoking weed constantly. I'd abuse any drug that i could get my hands on which lead to me having multiple psychotic episodes.

I've been suffering from depression before that from witnessing my mothers death in person. Honestly, if i wouldn't had moved to my sister i confidently can say that i would've already killed myself. I love my sister and i'm thankful for everything she's done for me. But like the rest of my family, and myself probably included, she's got a few screws loose and is a really difficult person to be around with. The stress of being around her is driving me insane.

I can't even get a place of my own due to me having spend most of my money on drugs. It's also really hard to get a good paying job and even if i would get one, getting a nice place to live seems near impossible under my circumstances. 

All this brings back so much stress to the point i'd want to kill myself again, starting to research plans again and etc.. I've come far by quitting drugs and learning to live life like a normal person again. I fear that all this progress will be wasted eventually. I'm just done, i just wish that being able to kill myself would be easier.