hi guys, i came back from uni a month ago approximately. my semester was really rough. i was having a lot of self esteem and self worth issues. i’ve been doing bad in school, i have had terrible eating habits (extremely underweight), i was in bed for 16-20 hours a day for a brief period.

ending the semester, i told my girlfriend (of 2.5 years), who was the best most loving and caring person who i was so comfortable with, that i needed the summer to get myself together. i wanted to take a break and try again in september at a healthier position. i was really sad that i wouldn’t spend time with her, but i thought i needed to fix things.

some background info, i was supposed to write these exams ( not school related) last summer but i had bad study habits and i couldn’t write it. my mom was pretty upset about this. 

anyways, i was looking forward to coming home and having the comfort of family and homemade meals and friends so i could finally lift myself back up. i fell really sick for 2 weeks, and it made studying really hard, i got no work done. near the end of those 2 weeks, my gf told me she started talking to a guy at work. (we discussed this i was okay with it as long as it was not anything more). when i put together the fact that this is the same guy she told me not to worry about last summer, it broke me.

i went into no contact and that lasted about a week. today i messaged her something like “hey hope you’re doing okay, you don’t have to reply now but i’m here if you want to talk” she basically replied saying she doesn’t want to talk and she’s taking this guy more seriously. i feel devastated right now. i played soccer and worked out really hard felt a little better but during dinner, my mom (unaware of my break up) let out a really emotional and hurtful rant about how i’ve been so unproductive last summer and i’m starting to do the same thing again. i don’t want to get into it too much but it has made me feel pretty hopeless and i feel like i’m renter ing a really bad mental episode that i just barely escapedmonth or 2 ago..

now i don’t have my best friend who i would’ve gotten comforted from. and after being tossed aside by her, i’m lacking self respect and feeling like i wish i could have her back now. i feel so lonely, lost, like i’ve failed, and i’m disappointed with myself.

what do i even do now? i want her back so bad, i want to be more responsible so bad, but i just feel like absolute shit

i feel like coming home didn’t help me the way i thought, taking a break in the relationship backfired completely, my relationship with my mom isn’t the best right now. fuck me

sorry for the rant and any format/typo errors.