he wanted space.
i told him to block me and never talk to me again.
i knew i would tell him i hated him. and that he was an asshole. and that he made me want to hurt myself.
and that’s not true. he’s a great guy. he’s funny, he’s smart, he actually cared. really respectable human being honestly. 
and i don’t hate him. i love him. like, okay, i don’t love him like that. but there was something there for him.
i couldn’t make him feel bad. the thought of hurting him makes my stomach churn. but i did what i thought was best.

now it’s gone, but i know it was for the best. i just didn’t want to hurt HIM. even though that hurt me. 

i come off so strong and im so hard to love. sometimes i feel so alone. this isn’t easy.