I have lost my wife and daughter. I don’t know that I’ll ever speak to either ever again. For the duration of our short relationship, I was the worst partner in existence and I legitimately hate myself for it. I don’t know why these things happened because I am completely and totally obsessed and in love with her and it makes me physically sick to look back on the things I did. I don’t know how I’ll ever move past this. Life feels so empty at times. I don’t leave my apartment except to work, I rarely have any social contact, and I sleep pretty much every hour I’m not at work. I’m pulling out all the stops to tackle this illness and get to a place where I am not a burden and source of hurt to people I love, from twice weekly therapy, to ketamine therapy. I have periods of feeling good, but then the obsessive thoughts come. Thinking about our wedding day, the birth of our daughter, the incredible times we shared and how much I love her. It makes getting through the day seem impossible. I’m writing all of this to say, this sub has been very helpful to me, and I’m hoping someone has something that will resonate with me and give me even just a little hope that things will be ok.