I wish I could go to therapy but I don’t want anyone to know that I’m struggling. I don’t want to put that burden on my family and friends. So I’ve kept it inside for over 10 years. Only telling one person I know during that time who I haven’t talked to in over 6 years. It’s not even one thing, there’s so many things that happened that have destroyed me. I would probably need to go to therapy for the rest of my life to fix them. Family issues, friends issues and relationships issues have made me become who I am today and it’s not the person I want to be. I don’t want to be depressed, I want to be happy but I just haven’t been in so long that I don’t know how to anymore. I’ve thought about doing bad things but I know that’s not an option for me. I just can’t do that to my family and friends. So I’ve just stayed around living every day. There’s no real point to my life but I just suck it up and deal with it everyday. I wish I could get better but I know I won’t. I don’t want to have to explain everything to everybody. So I just pretend to be happy and smile around other people and go to work and then go home and cry. The amount of just sadness I have is overwhelming that I just can’t be happy. I wish there was a way to change that but I’m just stuck this way.