I know people say stuff like it’s great to fall in love but I actually despise it. Like right now, I like this guy and he told me he would text me back after eating lunch but it’s been seven hours.

I constantly feel on the edge like I’ll do something wrong, that I’ll say something minute that will make him hate me and stop talking to me. And I hate how my whole self worth starts depending on how often he texts me back, and when he doesn’t I’d be laying in my bed crying to sad songs.

The same thing happened when I used to like this girl in 2020, and I hate developing feelings for people. I become so anxious, and I just can’t breathe without my heart racing. It’s like this insane obsessive love wrecking everything and anything with it, especially my mental health. I’m already pretty mentally ill to begin with and then you add romantic feelings to the mix and it’s like a hurricane. 

Now I’m going to go cry off to some
more Mitski.