I'm not sure if I have depression. I am afraid that if I go see a doctor he's going to give me antidepressant even if it's not exactly what I have. 
I don't feel suicidal at all, I don't feel hopeless... but this year has been rough. 

Two of my friends died (one was last night), I had covid for two months, my mom had 3 strokes, I started to have regular flashbacks of SA, and other bad stuff happened too. I took all week off work, in the hopes my employer will give me other tasks to do that are less demanding (i'm a social worker, child protection). I have to meet with him tomorrow. I'll try to see my doctor on Tuesday.

I feel so tired emotionally... i don't have patience anymore, I feel like I can't catch a break.

I took antidepressant 6-7 years ago and I had a lot of  side effects like apathy and loss of sex drive. I don't want to deal with this again... I don't know if I should get off work for a while or continue but with the meds... 

What do you think I should do?