I recently lost a few people I've opened up to and became friends with. I have been going through a lot in the last 2-3 months, on top of working overnights full time and going to school full time. As a result, I've been so unavailable to everyone because I just didn't have the strength and mentality to talk to people. I always convince myself that my "friends" are not my friends and they hate me, so I drift away from them when that happens out of fear that they'll abandon me. As a result, many of my friends have cut me out of their lives, even though I've opened up and told them this about me. I was so vulnerable and stupid. They didn't even tell me, they just stopped replying to my messages, left our group chats, and demoted me from moderator in their discord server. I've been fluctuating between being thankful that they left because they finally proved me right that they didn't really like me and would abandon me, but I also get so incredibly sad and lonely because I have no one left. I don't know what I'm looking for, but I'm in an incredibly dark place and just wanted to reach out to everyone here.