I always do dumb shit. I don't even know if I have bpd, but I always think people hate me and then I get angry and be an asshole and afterwards I realize I got angry over nothing and I keep doing this I keep messing up my relationships with everyone in my life for no reason. Mood swings keep getting worse and worse. I don't know what to do as I can't go to therapy. I think am I normal, am I crazy? I don't know, I don't even know what is happening half the time. Whenever I open my mouth I hurt someone, maybe I should just stay quiet and stay alone. Even when something small happens I think the other person hates my guts I feel bad I start drinking. I don't even know what the point of this post is. I just can't control it, I can't help being like this and when I try to explain how I feel to someone they get pissed at me. Do my feelings even matter? Am I being manipulative and trying to get pity if I try to explain how I feel. No matter what I do I fuck things up.