I didn't fall into the pit of depression till I was diagnosed with a fertility thing. The medicines I took plunged me down into this rabbit hole of hopelessness. This was last year. I gained weight, stopped socializing, was always working to make ends meet, was trying not to fail a degree which made no sense to me but I had invested everything in it. I thought once I graduated, things would be fine. I'd lose the weight, I'd get a job, I'd be able to relax. 

None of that happened. My degree is useless because it's hard and I can't make head or tails of it. I decided to go for Data Analytics and am now doing a tech course. But this sense of failure still lingers and I can't shake it off. Things have been a mess in my life for so long that I can't even decide which thread to pick and unravel first. 

A whole week passes before I change my clothes. I'll shower and then go back to my previously worn clothes. I have a young kid who lives with me, my nephew. I try not to let him notice how bad things are for me. I have severe body image issues and I don't have mirrors in the house because I feel ugly and fat. I feel I can't be loved because of how I look and this has me in dark moods for days. The other day, a group photo was taken by friends and I saw myself for the first time in months and I just broke down. It feels like I have failed in every aspect of my life. 

My career, my health, myself.

My friends are successful, settling in their lives, and here I am, unable to do anything. 

I tell myself that things will get better, that I have to seize the day, and focus on the good things. But then, the hopelessness sets in and I just don't know what to do or how to get out of this headspace. I also have ADHD which makes it difficult for me to focus on tasks in general.  I don't like talking to people about how I feel about myself on a one-to-one level because then I feel I'm making everything about me and I'm just making things up and that I should be grateful for what I have. 

I don't know. I tried therapy recently. It didn't work. 

I feel lost now.

I was hoping that someone on here might have gone through something similar and could offer some advice that worked for them, small tips even.