Instead of splitting on my loved ones, I take a step back and try to look at the bigger picture. It's good, in the sense that I am able to stop the big hurtful blow up. But, instead I just start crying. Crying uncontrollably, because I can see how messed up it is that I feel this way. That I'm unable to brush off comments that other people could have. In the end, my loved ones end up feeling awful anyway. I'm not yelling at them, but it's not like they're happy to see me break down. I wonder if this ends. I do accept my illness, perhaps it's just a period of mourning?