Depressed and on meds for a few months. I noticed many friends are somewhat struggling too. We binge on a night out to avoid reality. We all deeply know it. One night, my group got high and drunk. I was relatively sober. And it hit me. Anger. Not felt since forever. Anger I was trapped in a loop of distractions, along with those good people. Anger because I deserve to just be and be present in life. And my friends too. 
I still tend to seek relief from substances and mind numbing. But it was the first time that staying away is for me, not just from knowing they are harmful. And staying away from pushing my limits or ignoring my needs. Ffs I am good and deserve to feel well. This realisation sounds simple but I never thought I am entitled. I gave myself. Too much. And anger feels good