I have been with someone I really like. Relationship is going well and it’s been 3month. I’m receiving more affection and care than before. So I must be feeling good. But more affection I get from him, I am feeling more emptiness and pain when I’m alone. Even sometime with him. Because more and more I like that person, I am afraid of losing it. And recently my suicidal thought been back. I don’t do anything right now. But at some point i have to finish while I’m having and receiving love and care. I always have thin even when I’m single but I’m more in control. Cuz I am not afraid of anything. But now I have so much in pain and fear and crying in the bed.
I would ever never tell him I have BPD, cuz it’s my first time trying to have healthy relationship. And I don’t want him to freak out. 
