Hi!.

I'm 28F and got diagnosed with BPD about 8 years ago.

I've definitely come a long way, partially thanks to this sub, it was a place of tremendous help and support when I was discovering myself and my diagnosis with little to no help or money.

I've been to therapy, used medicine(unsuccessfully actually) worked on myself by myself a lot. And I was in a good place until 2022 hit and many bad situations overlapped in my business, relationship and my health. 

The most impactful one was the diagnosis I got, a rheumatologic disease and an autoimmune disease, both incurable. I was told that "they wouldn't kill me". But my life quality had been very low for a while and I didn't even realize how bad it was until the diagnosis. It's making it harder to do my job as my job is physical and I was recommended to find another field of work. Bad news is I'm 28 and I cannot do anything else.  

I did lash out, got very bitter. Because now I feel like there is another layer of me people will not understand. I am and will be suffering with this along with BPD until the end of my life. And it sucks to know. All these people out there living life, laughing.. and I'm here trying to figure out if this piece of bread will wreck my guts

I already had to do many changes to my lifestyle and I'm no better. Because I'm stressed af. My best friend of 15+ years ghosted me after my diagnosis. And you know how it feels to be abandoned. I wasn't myself for months. I pretty sure I'm in a phase of derealization or depersonalisation. I'm just alienated, everything feels cold and far away.

I'm keeping it together, somehow. But it doesn't take much to get me to have a meltdown. Drinking socially for fun doesn't work, now I get angry and sad. I was that person who never cried, boy do I give a shit. I cry walking on the street, I cry in the morning, I cry while I'm cleaning, I cry at work. It feels awful to be alive in such a painful way. 

Does anyone else has a condition that restricts their life &amp; won't ever go away, along with BPD? what helped you? 

Thanks and sorry for my English just in case.