I finished my DBT training a couple of weeks ago, and I'm particularly trying to work on the concept of radical acceptance. But I'm not sure if what I'm radically accepting is something that's true, or something that's just in my head.

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In the middle of this week I decided I needed to radically accept that I'm not anyone's priority, and perhaps I never will be. I've had various FPs in my life, the latest of whom I've lived with on and off for 7 years. She's my best friend, and she's moving out to live with her boyfriend this summer. She's already talking about her new future with her new apartment and the cat they'll adopt, and while she insists we'll keep in constant contact, I keep telling myself that I need to accept that we will no longer be best friends, that she will focus entirely on him, that our relationship will be deprioritized. But my rational mind tells me that's not necessarily true. It just feels like it has to be.  


I am not entirely alone--I have decent acquaintances and close-ish friends, and a supportive mom and sister. However they all have their things--significant others, etc--and I've started telling myself that no one actively *chooses* me. No one picks me first. I'm not anyone's "other." I don't think I'm in any way equipped mentally or emotionally to be in a romantic relationship, but I wish I had someone I could call or text at any time and they'd put my feelings and my happiness first. I feel like I do this with my FP, and I like to think I am a really supportive friend, but no one has historically had the capacity to do this for me in return. I think that if I were in ditch, I wouldn't have anyone to call that I know would answer.

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When people say it's possible to feel alone surrounded by others, I think I get it.