i feel like nobody really cares until your actually dead. they just think ur being over dramatic and that it’s not that bad but it is. i’ve been thinking abt a lot of ways to do it and the ethics behind it want to do it so bad but the fear of going to hell scares and and just the idea of what happens after death. i’ve lost all my friends because of how depressed i’ve been and stopped hanging out with them for the past 6 months. i’ve been in and out of hospital. life just doesn’t seem worth it anymore. i always think abt the thinks i will miss and things i won’t get to see anymore and not be able to grow up and have kids. but i don’t care anymore nothing is worth it. the only person i care abt is my mum she try’s so much and i love her so much and she does care abt be so much but it’s like the thought haunt me. i feel like i’ve been working myself up to it for years and i think i’m ready. and it feels like my ed is eating me alive it’s the only thing i think of i obsess over it so much i weigh my self multiple times a day to make sure i haven’t gained weight not eating and throwing up after i do end up eating the only thing i long for in this life is to be skinny i really can’t help it. it’s like I’m brainwashed it’s on my mind 24/7 I’m so hungry but i just don’t deserve the pleasure of eating.