So today my FP (a guy that I’ve been “seeing” for a month and there’s mutual romantic feelings) was going to meet my entire family, he was going to accompany me to my nephews 1st birthday party. He said he’d come over at 1-2pm as he was going out last night with his best friend to an event that would be going really late (which was fine as the party for my nephew only started at 12). 

I messaged him this morning with all the normal pleasantries and to ask him to let me know what time he thought he’d actually be over (I like to make plans and then confirm them again on the day). I hadn’t heard anything by 3pm so I messaged him again to check in but still nothing and it’s currently 5pm; oh and he hasn’t been online or anything too which I guess is somewhat reassuring.
And let me tell you, these hours of waiting for a response have been so hard, my brain is like “he’s going to ghost you, he doesn’t like you anymore, he lied about liking you and this entire time he’s been tricking you”. Instead of socialising with my family I’m laying down in the spare room because talking to anyone is such a struggle at the moment and it takes every bit of my energy to not snap at them and break down.

Following the fears of rejection my brain has now shifted to “ghost him first, cut him off first so he can’t cut you off” and this is a pattern I’ve noticed happens a lot. I then start to get angry at my FP and tell myself that if he was to reply now that I’d ignore him as a sort of revenge which I logically know is just useless and stupid. 

Does this cycle happen with anyone else? It’s so debilitating and wastes me away. I don’t want to ruin what might turn into a serious relationship but whenever plans lose their organisation I spiral and basically go through everything I’ve said in this post. 

I think maybe the worst part is that deep down I know my FP will message me eventually and explain what happened. And when this happens I’ll instantly forgive him and feel stupid and angry with myself for getting so worked up and ruining my own day obsessing over this.