TW - mention of suicidal thoughts, drugs 
.
.
How do you deal with suicidal thoughts and extremely intense feelings of despair, emptiness and desperation when it’s nearly constant everyday? 
I’m 18 diagnosed with emerging BPD and Aspergers and a few other things, currently under adult mental health services in the Uk. I’ve felt like this since I was 12 and it has gradually got worse over the years to the point where I have no friends, don’t go to college/have a job and don’t leave the house. I’ve been taking 40mg of Fluoxetine for years and despite that I still feel very depressed and suicidal and am struggling to get through every day. I’ve had multiple overdoses in the past and was last admitted to hospital 1 month ago. My mum has alcohol problems and I have a pretty rough home life, family are pretty unsupportive and don’t understand my problems. Currently I have weekly support from a mental health nurse and a support worker but even that doesn’t feel enough with how suicidal I am. 
I’ve been thinking about trying drugs to numb my emotions so I can cope, I don’t want to but I’m desperate to make the pain stop and I feel like this is my only option. 
Everything feels totally empty and pointless and nothing brings me happiness, I feel like I have nothing to get better for. I just relive the same day everyday just desperately trying to cope with my thoughts and emotions and trying to distract myself but nothing ever gets easier and I’m tired of fighting.