I finally saw a psychiatrist for the first time in a while after fixing some insurance stuff. I've been extremely extremely depressed for a year now, no noticeable mania even. I'm getting to like low-functioning at this point.

I make it pretty clear that I'm hoping for antidepressants, that I'm good at noticing mania and even back when I ever was manic it was short lived and rarely overly risky. I've also been going to this office a while so they have all this in my records, I've even been prescribed Adderall and been fine.

She recommended a few medications to me (trileptal and depakote?) and asked me to get bloodwork and look them up before our next appointment. 

They're both mania stabilizers with massive massive side effect lists. I know antidepressants have side effects too but these mood stabilizers just make me numb and apathetic and it's so horrible and awful I've been through a million of them and I don't want them anymore. But I'm scared to tell her that because I'm not a doctor what do I know, why should she just do what I want her to. 

Idk idk I'd just rather be on nothing than on something like that again. But I'm doing so horribly that I need to be on *something.* I'm considering getting a whole new doctor and just telling them about the depression and that's it.

So I guess is it rude to more firmly ask for the meds I want? Also is anyone familiar with trileptal or depakote if I have no other choice?