Occasionally I end up over thinking about my past. Tonight I’m up in bed thinking about a girl I knew in elementary school who was one of my best friends for 2 years. We were super close, at one point she lived down the street from me and I would sneak out to her house and beg my parents to let me spend the night with her (little did I know it was actually a gay ass crush but that’s besides the point). 

Things came to an end in middle school. Over a boy of all things. Basically, we both liked a guy. But if I’m being honest I didn’t even really like him. She was my fp and I was scared he was taking her away from me. We both agreed that our friendship was more important than him and we’d leave it alone. Well I find out a week later that they’re dating. I was so upset she lied to me. That’s literally all I cared about was that she lied and broke my trust. I was so so so angry and lashed out the only way little 13 year old me knew how. I called her derogatory names all over school. I don’t want to get into it but it ended with a phone call from her where she said she thought it was best if we stopped being friends. I told her “I was thinking the same thing” and I listened to her cry before hanging up.

So yeah...things didn’t end the greatest between us. I only lived there another year before moving for high school so we never saw each other after or got in touch. I think about it *a lot* because honestly I just feel so fucking awful about it still. Idk how it affected her life after that but she was one of the kindest, loving friends I had and I let my blind anger get in the way and hurt her. So I always find myself wondering if I should try to reach out. I always want to apologize but then I think, wouldn’t it be weird as fuck to get a message from someone you haven’t talked to in 9 years apologizing for something from *middle school*? 

But I just can’t let it go. Idk why, it crushes me. I wanted to know if anyone else has similar thoughts or old situations they can’t let go of. If anyone has advice I’d love to hear it too. Thanks