I feel terrible for not believing her fully. 

The facts do not align. We are long distance.

According to her story, her and her female friend went to see two guys are their house on Friday night. 

This I am automatically unhappy with, regardless of BPD, and why was it kept secret from me. 

She did not talk to me for 24 hours after the incident allegedly took place.

Tonight, Sunday, she has told me that she was black out drunk and he had sex with her. 

She also pointed out that even if she was not black out drunk, her female friend can testify that she was not sober enough to consent.

I am in a deep moral dilemma here.

I simply don’t even know if the events, or the people took place, or even exist. I don’t know how much is true, how much is made up, or if it’s all true. 

I am very upset obviously and this is a lot to process. The fact is another man has had sex with her. She may have not given consent. She may have not been able to give consent. She may have given consent and then withdrawn it the previous day. 

My issue is that I am very upset that she hid, going another a mans house, from me. Even if she did not have sex with him (under any circumstances) why did she not tell me.  

I feel as if she may have made this up in order to “punish” me for going out on a Saturday with my guy friends, I sent her pictures and she told me she was very jealous. 

I simply don’t know how she works. I am struggling to trust her. 

I am very attracted to her but this is not the first tome this has happened, I have not known her for a long time, the details are very sketchy.

Part of me is very shameful that I don’t believe her.

Another part of me is skeptical and wants answers.

I think her BPD may be a major factor in this. 

We spoke about it and I said thank you for telling me I will support you through this. She seemed disappointed that I would support her and kept asking for reassurance which I gave her. 

And 15 minutes later she text me saying that she had just received a phone call from the police that he had been arrested.

I think that is too coincidental of a time period to make sense. 

I feel deeply ashamed to even be asking this question really: but my gut instinct is that she placed herself in this situation, it happened and she regretted it, or she has fabricated everything in order to test or hurt me. 

We are also long distance. Been speaking for the last 2-3 months and met up 4 times. We have had sex on our 2nd I’m her car, 3rd date at her parents home, and then I visited her 400 miles away in her flat for the weekend where we had sex again.

Of course all of our sex has been consensual. To the best of my knowledge anyway? Both sober. Both spend the day together, she invited me to her home, we cooked each other meals and watched films, not just sex but a lot of kissing cuddling and intimacy too / this was no “one night stand spur of the moment drunk hook up” but something we talked about doing for a while and planned, talked about catching feelings for each other and discussing a future together - everything that I would deem to be healthy. The sex itself was very “normal” nothing rough or too adventurous that would seem perverse either.

Another thing that doesn’t make sense is she visited her mother to speak about it, her mother then allowed her to just return home as if it was no big deal. She said she felt dirty and wanted to kill herself. Why would her own mother not advise her to spend the night in her care so as to watch out for her? 

I’m just very.... confused and hurt right now. I need answers. I need to hear from other people, and I need to know what the fuck is going on. 

Quite honestly rightly or wrongly, I am considering ending this relationship and I am genuinely scared of any false accusations coming my way.