(19) title. every passing day feels like I'm more of a letdown to everyone around me. my emotions don't work anymore, and I don't remember the last time I was genuinely happy. I feel like I'm trapped in a body that isn't mine. my own head is trying to kill me. I feel like I'm losing my god damn mind and I can't help but watch. I can't hold an interest in doing anything for long enough do finish it. what did I do to deserve any of this? why?

it's just constant turmoil and anguish, my thoughts are plagued with doubts. every time things start looking up I fuck it up somehow. I've gained 25 pounds in the past 4 or 5 months, I used to be skinny and muscular now I'm just weak and kinda soft. I've lost most of my friends. my ex girlfriend of two years cheated on me for the last few months of our relationship. I don't feel loved or wanted just abandoned and a hopeless excuse for a human being

I'm probably going to get in my car and drive as fast as I can into a wall or a telephone pole. that way it'd seem like an accident

this world will go on without me just like it always has been

hopefully I'll be forgotten soon