Build&gt;Tear down&gt;Rebuild&gt;tear down&gt;Rebuild&gt; close my eyes and hope&gt;Teardown...

&amp;#x200B;

My self image is non-existent. A hollow shell of a human being, just waiting for input from a compatible source. Married for 14 years and still I can't see myself in the mirror without the seething hatred of my worst enemies from days gone by.

&amp;#x200B;

I went for a BPD assessment 2 days ago. I knew it was just an assessment. I KNEW it wasn't a determination for my place in line. But I hoped, I begged, I cried, I surrendered...

&amp;#x200B;

"There is hope!" I've been told over and over. But when I ask for options I get silence. Ask for help I get sent to doctors that LITERALLY tell me they don't have enough time to do much beyond prescribing pills and coping techniques...

&amp;#x200B;

I was told I get to stay on the waiting list. So the 3 hours I spent at the hospital, answering the same questions I've answered many times over, was to see if I was faking? Thanks, Canada.... You've failed yet again. But please... keep up with the parades and giant floating ducks.