Ever since I got some disheartening medical news I’ve been so sad. I didn’t eat yesterday. I am fat and food is usually my drug of choice. The past three or so days I just don’t feel like eating or cooking. I make my husband food and then I just don’t have the energy to feed myself I am just so fucking alone and my husband is leaving soon for six months. I wish someone would make me a meal and let me complain a bit. I’m trying so hard not to complain. But I am just in so much physical and mental pain. I don’t want to die but the thoughts are so fucking loud. I am so afraid I will succumb to these thoughts one day. The world is a dumpster fire. I just need some glimmers of hope. Somedays I think the only reason I am here is because of my dogs and it would make my husband and sister sad. Jesus I am hurting so bad.