First of all, sorry for the long post, but I really need to let this all out.


I had my first panic attack in late 2019. It was probably due to being in a toxic relationship, stress from home and college. It took me a few months to actually realize that what anxiety is and that I have it.  That part was truly terrible, with strong panic attacks whenever I go out, attend my classes, go shopping, pretty much everywhere. A few months into 2020 I start to work on it. I know pandemic hurt a lot of peoples mental health but it actually helped me get my mind in a better place.


From there on, I have managed to almost completely defeat my panic attacks when going out, or just being in public, and I'm very proud of that. The part where I attend classes and do exams was the toughest one, and it was quite unpredictable, one day I felt horrible, the other I was perfectly fine. It's not ideal, but it was managable and didn't stop me from pursuing my goals.


Fast forward to February 2022, and it's probably worst than ever. Recently I had two exams and it was very tough, with strong panic attacks during both. But I pushed through, I managed it, like a lot of times before. I was very proud of myself every time i pushed through, that was me saying that i'm stronger than my anxiety and beating it.


But today I had another exam. Slept enough, drank enough water, ate before, the usual to keep my anxiety as low as possible. But the whole morning I had a terrible feeling that i'm hoing to panic like hell and when my professor came into the classroom, I just caved and had to get out of there. All i managed to do was say something quickly about having a family emergency. I'm both ashamed of my exit as well as the fact that I caved to my anxiety, I feel like I lost all my power over it. I know i have to change something but right now I only feel like putting a blanket over my head and not existing for a while.



TLDR; anxiety got worse, prevents me from doing my exams and college work, preventing me from pursuing my life goals