I divorced my partner and fp two years ago and it still hurts so much every day. I've been trying to get sober from weed and alcohol but I drank tonight and I shouldn't have, I just feel so alone and unlovable. I don't have any real friends, she was the only real friend I ever had and I cut off contact with her after breaking up with her because she wouldn't close our relationship when I realized that I didn't want to be poly and made it clear that it was her girlfriend or me and she chose her girlfriend. I want to kill myself on her doorstep but I don't know where she lives. I just want this pain to end. I've been alone my whole life except for the eight years that I tricked her into loving me. I just want this pain to end however I can end it