I have this friend... Let's call her Iris. We haven't spoken in about a year, and the reason(s) for that have never really been 100% clear. It mostly has to do with, I believe, my constant talking about, worrying about, obsessing over one girl in particular... We'll call her Chloe. 

Chloe was my FP for quite awhile. I had fallen hard for her just a few minutes months after we had met. She eventually became my girlfriend, but before that we had an incredibly confusing friendship... one that most people confused for a romantic relationship. Mixed signals galore, people. So obviously this led to me constantly talking about Chloe and seeking out advice... often from Iris, who was one of the best and closest friends I'd ever had. 
Chloe died unexpectedly 3 years ago, due to a gastric hemorrhage (aka stomach rupture... She had a lot of health issues pertaining to her stomach and digestive system). This completely wrecked me, and I still am not dealing with it very well 3 years later. Obviously this led to me seeking support, often from Iris. 
Eventually the constant discussion and obsession over Chloe led to me losing several friends, including Iris (and a couple other very close friends... The fact that they decided to not be friends with me anymore, and in some cases straight up hate me, because I was sad over the death of my favorite person and being unable to handle it and apparently mourning incorrectly had only added to the depression and distrust of people I've had. I pretty much have no friends now as a result.) 

So a couple weeks ago I reached out to Iris because, having just started a new job after a lengthy period of unemployment, I will finally be able to pay her back some money that I owe her (money that she said to "take my time" with paying her back, "no matter how long"). I kept the message pretty short and impersonal... Just told her about the job and wanting to pay her back, and asking which method she preferred. Iris finally responded a couple days ago, and stated that it took her awhile to respond because she's been very busy, and her husband straight up told her not to respond. But she felt that she should respond, so as to "explain some expectations and set some ground rules." 

I stopped reading at that moment, and haven't gone back to read the rest. Nor have I responded in any way yet. That sentence seriously bothered me, and made me question whether I want to pursue rebuilding the friendship at all. I'm assuming that she wants to, based on her "expectations and ground rules." But I don't think I can be a part of a friendship that has ground rules explicit laid out.

Iris and I were extremely close for awhile. She seemed to understand me more than anyone ever had. I felt comfortable sharing all sorts of things with her that I have never shared with anyone, and she has said the same about me. We have even seen each other naked, and have openly discussed attraction to each other and how we would be/probably are a very happy couple somewhere in alternate timelime or dimension. 
And while she listened to me go on and on and on about Chloe, I listened to Iris for many, many nights talk about how dissatisfied she was with her marriage... how she was in love with another guy... how she slept with that other guy several times... How upset she is that she chose to stay with her husband out of complacency and fear of judgment from others, and a LOT of other instances of infidelity since then. 
Speaking as someone who has been cheated on and hurt very much by said cheating, hearing her discuss/confess these moments of infidelity haven't always been easy for me to listen to. I've expressed that to her, but also let her know that I'm here to listen to her if she needs me, regardless of the reason why, and that she never has to worry about being negatively judged or thought of by me.

But now... there are "ground rules" for us to continue with the friendship. And I can almost guarantee that one of those rules will be "you can't mention your dead girlfriend at all" or something to that extent.

I'm not sure what to do here. I know I should read the rest of her message, but I'm fairly certain that her expectations and ground rules are just going to upset me. I realize that I can be quite difficult to be friends with. And I realize and acknowledge and have taken responsibility for all of the foul shit I've done over the years. But I really don't think that I can be friends with someone under certain conditions.  Hell, I'm still quite friendly with an ex-girlfriend who I went rather psycho over after we broke up, and we have no ground rules. All that said... I do miss Iris quite a bit. And I do miss having friends... having A friend, even.

So how would such a thing make you feel? Would you question whether you still want to be friends with the person? Would you just say fuck it, ground rules are fine, just be my friend again?