We have been together for 8 years, we know each other through and through, we have a  lot of baggage, she and I both diagnosed with BPD.
I started transition (mtf) 2.5 years ago, she was there for me while I was going through hell, I became very emotionally unstable and I couldn't cope with her being rude to me anymore, I wanted her to leave me, I was ok with her getting a boyfriend, genuinely didn't care because I don't have any attraction to her, I loved that she loved me but I cared for her.
But when her separation with me started to feel more real, I am falling apart, my whole world is falling apart. I cry and cry every day and she yells at me, she says she hates me and I am very sick. What am I without her? How do I live? Where do I find something to fill me? Will a part of me die when she leaves?
Who will love me? If no one else why should I live?
I don't have friends and family, I am gonna be alone, I have a tendency to push away basically everyone for different reasons.
I feel empty. Why I even wrote this post?