Story time. I was hospitalized last year, I was seeing this guy and we hadn’t put a name in it but we said we would be exclusive and boy did I fuck that up. Long story short he found out confronted me and I freaked out and went to the hospital becuz I was going to kill myself. He came up that day and said I still want to be with you but we can’t be doing this ect. Ect. So fast forward a year later our relationship hasn’t been doing well for awhile. I haven’t cheated on him I’m just hard to live with and I’m driving him nuts! He did go stay with a friend Becuz he needed space from me and I threatened to kill myself again. I feel my relationship  swirling out of control. I go to the hospital again tell them everything that’s happened over the last few weeks and that say that they think I have bpd. I borrow a textbook look it up and it’s like this book read my diary. Holy shit my whole life makes sense. I tell my boyfriend and he says he’s at his wits end. His heart want to stay but his head tells him to leave and I’m sitting here thing I’ve successfully destroy a relationship with someone I honestly and truly love. Looking back I see everything I did wrong. I see it all. I want to move forward and try to fix our relationship now that I know what’s wrong and can work on fixing myself but he’s not sure if it’s possible our relationship is fixable. I’m really struggling here. Today is my first day out of the hospital and I don’t know what to do. 