If there's a better subreddit for this, please redirect me there.

My mental illness really started flaring up when I was 12. Before that, I was a genuinely happy child (for the most part). I played outside, excelled in school, was optimistic for my future, and so on.

Things really changed when one of my close family members was terminally ill and my mom took care of them until their passing. At this point, I gained weight, became depressed, sought attention in any form (regardless of if it were positive or negative), lost touch with reality, and school became a nightmare due to bullying and my dropping grades. I went from reading at a college level to needing to cheat on tests because of sudden comprehension issues. 

My family member dying had more of an impact on my life than I think most people could imagine. They were my world and as silly as it may sound, their death might have been the first domino to fall. 

I dropped out of high school in 10th grade and for the past 3-ish years, I've stayed at home 90% of the time. I usually only go out for doctor appointments or the occasional grocery store run. I don't have a source of transportation, real life interaction with anyone spare my mom, hobbies, nor the resources to change that. 


To this day, I don't feel connected to reality. I'll turn on the news and it feels like they're living in a completely different world than I am. It feels as if they're "really alive" and I'm a passer-by observing everyone else. I feel so close yet just out of my reach.

I've been attending therapy weekly since 2014/2015 but I'm still unable to function in society. I can't think of a single good day since before the onset of my mental illness when I would have them multiple times a week before.

The main point of making this post is to see if anyone else can either relate and/or give me a realistic answer. 

Am I capable or likely to have the same spirit that I did before mental illness? Is genuine happiness and productivity achievable and if so, what steps can I take in order to get to this point?