I had a couple manic episodes when in the first 2 years of my diagnoses (BP1), but I haven't had anything but depression in the 2 years since then. It's like my cycle is stuck in wavering between deep depression and somewhat level instead of oscillation between depression and mania.

I'm not saying I want to be manic again, I'm just sick of being depressed. The peaks of my manic episodes were terrible and are the primary source of my ruminations these days, but the hypomanic phase before that was truly pleasant. 

I guess, now that I think of it, if this few years of depression were followed by a few  years popping in and out of mania would be pretty terrible as well. Fuck this disorder man.