Cw: eating disorder (bulimia), drugs, emotional instability, mood swings, unstable relationships

So I have got temporary a job in another city for a month. The plan is to stay with a friend.
This friend does not know about my bpd or eating disorder but she has been around over The years calling me up and talking casually now and then.
I used to be good at bottling up my emotions, did it all my life with my parents, and dated someone without empathy for 4 years.

Then i met my ex.
He opened up a lot of Doors into my emotional life and I started Feeling things. For real. Not just cover them up.

But we has things that we were not compatible with and those difficulties led to communication difficulties and finally in a rise of bpd symptoms which in the end was why he ended the relationship.
Got diagnosed with bpd in september. 

I have been very destructive after...
Had friends leave me because I was so self destructive to handle
And I have developed a severe binge eating habit which has gotten better The last months because I was homeless for a while and didnt have access to a kitchrn.

But yesterday i got triggered by a mutial friend of his and dissociated and was with a friend and it was horribel for both him and me to deal with
And I often feel like I ca not control these mood swings unless binge/purge it away

Am considering contacting a guy I met when I was homeless who sell drugs and see if he has Adhd pills   cuz that is something that has helped with mood swings in the past when I my friend used to give me, but im scared cuz i have never bought drugs illegal.

Im on a wait list with psych here but it can take months.

Not sure what else to do, i dont want to fuck up this friendship with my bpd instability. So if I cant get hold of pills I have to be more bulimic. That sort of stabilise me a little.

ID there good online dbt resources? Apps etc
That dont require payment
Im tired of fucking up again