I felt fine until last night and then something small just made me LOSE IT. Since then I've been crying, yelling at my parents, deciding to end relationships and feeling violent towards myself. I want to cut but I feel like that won't even fucking cut it. I have enough scars and I have to wear short sleeves at work tomorrow. I'm losing weight so I can look better, not so I can ruin my fucking body even though I am. I reached a new low weight and I'm fucking insanely pissed that I'm two pounds more today. It was my fucking fault for not getting everything out of me when purging. I really feel like everything is my fault. I feel trapped in my home with literally nobody to go to for help. I feel like I'm actually losing it and I haven't felt this way in years. I don't know what's happening but I feel like I need to do something crazy and I don't think I can sleep. I just don't know how to exist calmly right now I think something is very wrong. I've been taking everything someone says as evidence that I suck and no one loves me. Because if someone did love me then why do I have nobody to help me? I guess I'm too bitchy for anyone to handle, or there's some kind of issue with me in every relationship so I guess that's why nobody wants to be around me. 