Okay, so I've struggled with mental health issues for years now, and I'm currently living in a sober living house and attending various groups five days a week. A did a week-long stay at the VA hospital mental ward about three weeks ago.

The news about Hurricane Ian has me so angry; I know that the global weather is getting more erratic due to man-made climate change and hearing the news if the death took this morning from someone else in group, with the deaths being blamed on "human error" broke something in me. I had to leave the room, I was so incredibly angry. I want to smash something, or rather I want to smash a few billionaires and some oil and coal executives.

I was in the initial invasion of Iraq during the war in 2003 and I count myself fortunate that I never had to kill anyone, and I also struggle with guilt and shame at having been part of that war, since it was all lies to secure those damn oil fields. It was literally our first mission, to secure the oil fields. I knew then that we had been used, and some of my friends committed suicide after the war from the things we saw and did over there.

Here we are, 20 years later, and I still can't break out of the guilt and the rage, and this morning it flat out turned into murderous anger.

I'm frightened by my thoughts and my emotions and I don't know how I can ever have a normal life, how I can ever face my daughter, knowing that she's probably doomed to die in a water or a food war in thirty years' time. I want to kill every billionaire on the planet, I want to murder every corrupt politician, I want to kill every racist and bigot and science denier.

How do I live with myself like this?