Trigger Warning: I mention abuse and self harm.

Hello, I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, I was diagnosed pretty recently but always knew I wasn't just anxious and depressed. I also suffer with PTSD after having an abusive and neglectful childhood. My partner is a sweet, diplomatic and ambitious individual but he has anger problems and disordered eating that make our relationship difficult. Recently he has become depressed and when I try and sit him down to think of a progressive way forward - he says he can't do anything right and wants to kill himself. As someone who has attempted suicide at least twice I cannot be around this.

I'll start of with -  I am a very thoughtful person (I am sure it's a common trait for people with BPD) I like to cook for him before he arrives home (this will usually be discussed beforehand as he has safe foods) I will fold his clothes neatly so he only has to put them away, I plan things for us to do that he will enjoy and I help him manage and control his disordered eating as my partner suffers from ARFID, I also make effort with his family and think of thoughtful gifts for them as they help us, a lot. This isn't easy, looking after him sometimes feels like looking after a baby. I even bought him a whiteboard to write down foods but he writes on it and ignores it. However I am a complex carer as a job, so it is also in my nature to do things like this. We don't go on dates, we don't spend quality time together and he isn't interested in my passions. A lot of the time when I talk he will either be scrolling through Instagram, watching TV whilst 'listening' to what I am saying (as someone who grew up in a neglectful household where I wasn't allowed to talk, this is really hurtful for me)

My partner is very privileged, he had a private education and has a very stable, generous and loving family. He doesn't talk to his family about mental health and his eating so this falls on me. However, when we get into arguments he can get very nasty, to the point where I don't recognize him. He thinks it's appropriate to belittle my interests, call me things like needy etc that I have specifically told him bothers me and has punched a hole in the wall recently. I have anger problems and I have thrown plastic cups, shoes but nothing more than that. I threw a glass today and it rolled down the stairs and smashed, which I feel ashamed and awful for obviously because I have come a long way from self-harming and taking prescription pills to actually learning and practicing how to manage my anger. It has gotten worse since being with him and I feel his personality may just not be compatible with my BPD. 

I had to explain to him that when he gets like this it's really triggering for my PTSD, he broke down and explained that he knows that he needs help, he will often compare things we do but the difference is I actively try to get help with my issues, I've been going to therapy, tried a plethora of medications for 7 years, I used to attend CBT too for trauma. I am not saying that I am perfect, I am far from it. I just don't think it's fair for him to compare me throwing a plastic cup out of stress to him punching a hole in the wall in our home. 

I am moving away in 3 months and we were going to have a long distance relationship. I told him today I didn't want to be with him anymore because I don't think he respects me and that if he isn't going to go to therapy I don't want to be with him anymore, as it's very important for me to have a healthy stable relationship.