Hey r/anxiety! I didn't know where to put this but figured it's mainly a side effect of my anxiety so i went with here. I'll just get into it, I'm a 19 yo male that's been diagnosed with anxiety and other disorders (mdd, odd, adhd, polysubstance addiction). This may sound weird, but I wanted to know if you guys recluse by choice? As someone who wants to have friends and a strong social aspect in life but just doesn't have the social skills to, I'm curious if you have a similar experience. 

Knowing that it's not a choice is probably the hardest part for me. Like, I see everyone out having fun spending the day with their friends and it destroys me inside knowing that I don't/won't ever have that. I live on the sidelines which makes me want to stay inside even more to avoid seeing that and feeling, so I sit in my room the whole day getting high. The only other place I go to is my job, which I can't even look up at eye level out of fear of accidently making eye contact with someone. I just feel like everyone's automatically put off by me, which then makes me act in a way that actually does put them off

I just want someone to talk to that's not either my mom or my dad. I thought about it and realized that once my parents die, I will have nobody. Which at that point, what's my life worth?