I have been really depressed lately. Last year was a terrible year. My SO broke up with me and my father passed from Covid. My father’s passing took a huge toll but there is more. 

I feel like all my old trauma, from years ago, that I never properly healed from is coming back. I feel disgusted when anyone touches me. I hold my breathe whenever I’m with family and they want to hug me or console me. 

I’ve been having trouble sleeping, pretty sure I have insomnia, and whenever I do sleep I am haunted by memories I do not wish to relive. Lately I haven’t been eating much and by lately I mean about 4-5 months. 500-1000 calories a day if that. I’m just guessing. But there will be days where I just survive off coffee, a can of chicken noodle soup, and maybe some Sake. I don’t drink a whole lot and even when I do I never really get drunk drunk. I just get tipsy then just get sick. 

Anyways, I thought that I was getting better because I was dressing up just because and going places just because by myself. But that good feeling didn’t last. 

Whenever I do feel good, I try to eat normal but the sight of food sickens me. If I try to force myself to eat, I just get full really fast or more nauseous. I have a feeling it’s psychological but it could also be something wrong in my stomach. 

Has anyone else had this problem with food?