Wow. Not sure if anyone will read all of this but, 

If you wanna know I recently found out that if you remember something traumatic from your past it's because your brain suppressed it and now is presenting it to you cause you are able to handle the trauma, or you let out those repressed emotions from that flashback you didn’t show. I recently experienced that. 

Now I was wondering why I feel so nostalgic today after waking up. Triggered by my current vivid dreams of simpler times and happy memories that feel so safe and real. So when I wake up I sometimes feel so confused and anxious. Like switching realities. Nostalgia is a symptom of severe depression. 

I've been trying so hard recently to cope with the loss of someone so dear to me and I'm not doing well. I have a therapist but procrastination is making me not call her. I have no one. 

https://www.sciencefriday.com/articles/why-do-i-get-nostalgic/