Something about me has changed. Two years ago I was in my final semester of university hoping to pursue a masters degree the following year. Then two things happened: 1) COVID and 2) I got rejected from every masters program I applied to. I just haven't really been the same since then. 

I just feel totally stuck in place. I had a job for a while that I absolutely hated but I didn't care enough to quit (that's never happened before - usually I leave the moment I've realized a job isn't working for me). That job laid me off about a month ago, and not only can I not find the motivation to apply for another one, I also seem to have lost the ability to have career goals (or any goals for the future at all). People keep asking me "well what do you *want* to do with your life?" and I genuinely can't think of a single thing I'd be interested in pursuing. Even the stuff I want to do is difficult to focus on now - I can barely sit through a movie or read a book or play a video game, I just spend all day scrolling on my phone.

What's weird though is my mood is fine. I don't feel sad or hopeless, I'm not experiencing low self-worth... yeah I'm not the happiest I've ever been but I'm not spiraling into despair either. Other than lacking direction and having difficulty focusing on stuff I feel okay. I don't think I would categorize this as depression but I don't know what else to call it. I do have ADHD so maybe it's that? But it's never affected me like this before.