Serious question, this isn’t bait or anything. I hurt a lot of people before I got treatment. People I cannot apologize to over things I cannot fix. I’ve tried reaching out to people in my past to make amends before but they wanted nothing to do with me. I have made the effort to improve myself, I’m in recovery, upon retesting for BPD I no longer meet the diagnostic criteria…but now that I know the error of my ways, living with my mistakes is so much harder.

I can’t just be proud of the person I am today or focus on all the good I can do now or any of that shit. I fucked up. I fucked up quite a bit, and I can’t go back in time and fix it or apologize to people who would be better off never hearing from me again. I just need to live with those mistakes. How do you live with yourself? How do you cope after you realize just how much damage you’ve done with no way to fix it?