I had a rough two weeks. I started spiraling and felt like I wasn’t going to hit bottom. But this time something weird happened. I stepped out of the shower one morning, looked myself in the mirror, and said “you’re not a bad person. You are flawed but you aren’t a bad person.” And it was strange, I felt this huge release and just started being productive and eating and doing everything I would when not anxious.

I signed up to be a mentor for newcomers to my career field, started getting a bunch of work done on a project, and texted a bunch of friends just to chat. Saturday I got hit with a wave of nerves, so instead of wallowing in bed, I just started listening to as many records as I could on full blast and just enjoyed it. I didn’t stress about work or make expectations for myself, I just listened and enjoyed. It was the first time I had done anything like that in months and it was just such a release.

I don’t know what happened, but somehow I crawled out before it became permanent. I was down so low that it felt like I was living in another body and now I’m just rediscovering my life. It’s such an odd sensation. If happened last summer too when I had about 3 months when I could barely leave my bed.

I guess this post doesn’t have much of a point to it except that I wanted to document it all and get my thoughts out on it. Maybe it can be a beacon of hope for someone else.