Several months ago I got out of a toxic relationship. She emotionally, mentally and physically abused me for over a year. She gaslit me constantly explaining how the screaming and hitting and threats she leveled at me were just because of my mental health condition and my inability to communicate clearly. If I didn't sound positive enough she would torment me for hours explaining how I wasnt good enough for her and a constant failure. I spent much of the relationship wishing for death. But after a particularly bad assault I finally left her. She stalked me for a while, apologising and explaining how it'll be different now she knows how to adjust to my mental health problems. But I did good. And didn't go back. And like I always do I raced into another fucking relationship. This one is hard but better. I'm not scared at the moment and my self harming has reduced significantly.

SO WHY THE FUCK CANT I STOP CARING ABOUT MY ABUSER AND WANTING TO SEE HER????? THIS ISNT FUCKING FAIR! 😭