Let me start by saying, I am pretty sure I've ruined the best relationship I've had in years before it even had a chance to get off the ground, I've been exhibiting symptoms for at least 8 years now, I didn't think much of it until this latest episode, I'm unsure wether to explain to the person or not what I believe with a good certainty I'm going through.

How do I get back to what used to be normal and what others consider normal? I'm scared of myself and my thoughts, although rarely based in self-harm suicide have drifted there semi-frequently. How am I supposed to explain to this person what's going through my head without making things worse? If anyone wants the full story on what happened you can pm me.

I have severe trouble developing relationships and I feel like it's just me standing in the way of myself, I regularly have apathetic episodes aswell, where I feel completely empty. I don't really know what else to put, I needed to get some of these thoughts out before they eat me up.