I don't even know where to begin. I'm 26 and I already feel like my life is over. I'm stuck in a job that I absolutely loathe (copywriting/SEO) but I can't change it for anything better (I keep sending out my resume to any job which looks like a place that will take me but so far its months of no luck). And even If I could there is nothing that I like that just doesn't feel completely soul sucking. I worked as a teacher, courier, landscaper, warehouse worker and all of these jobs were depressing and felt like they were draining my life away.

One thing that I liked was philosophy, which I took a degree in and put all the effort I could so that I would get into some graduate school, but two years in a row I failed , the second year around I did even worse. I will probably still try again next year but at this point I have absolutely zero hope I will make it. The time I spent wasting in my job has honestly made me dumber, couple of months ago I felt my thinking was much sharper but now that I don't have time to read or study in any significant amount I slowly feel any proficiency I had is progressively slipping away. 

I was very optimistic the first time around and had high hopes of succeeding, but I was progressively getting brought down by conitnuous failures and by now I don't even expect to make it. I have another degree, which I completed specificaly in case I won't land a spot in a grad school and so far it helped me get a job which I could turn into a well paying career, if it didn't make me want to blow my fucking brains out about 10 times a day. 

I went to therapy multiple times but I feel like there is nothing about it that helped me and by now the thought of going back and trying again just pisses me off. All that happens is that it feels like I get to talk about my emotions, what makes me feel this way and just engage in pointless dialectics that at the end of the day don't change anything. I still have to get up and waste my day doing boring shit that just drives me up the wall, by now I feel like I'm going insane and have zero control over my life. No matter how much I try and attempt to change anything I just keep falling back on my ass and it just keeps getting worse. I literally cannot imagine any scenario where it gets better, I don't know what would have to happen for things to turn around. Just once I wish something would go my way.

I don't know what to do, I don't even know why I'm typing this out. I'm at my rope's end, I feel like I live a pointless existence which is a constant struggle. I'm just tired, I'm constantly forced to overcome difficulties and I get nothing in return. I don't even know why I get up everyday. I honestly dread that this is all that life will be, slaving my life away in a mind-numbing job. Nothing is fun for me anymore, I feel like after work everything I do is just there to distract me from the fact that tomorrow I will wake up and it will be the same fucking thing, and the day after that and the day after that. It feels like an endless cycle of misery and I just can't do it anymore.