Apologies in advance if this is not the right forum for my long rant, but i’m hoping that someone can give me advice.. 

My older brother has been struggling with an undiagnosed mental illness for his entire life. While i’m no expert, I know his behaviours very well and my family and I are pretty certain that he has some form of ASD and potentially bipolar disorder. However all the mental health professionals that he’s seen in his life have never given a confirmation of anything other than severe anxiety, depression, and low self esteem. Which in my opinion are all just symptoms of a bigger underlying issue. 

I feel at a complete loss as to how to offer any help because he refuses all of it. Any time he’s in a bad mood he just wants to unload his thoughts and feelings onto my family but shuts down any and all suggestions we give him. This is a pattern that has been going on my entire life and has reached its breaking point long ago. He never forgets to blame my father for all of his problems as an adult, and telling my mother that he never felt her love growing up. (a complete delusion that has more to do with his hate for himself that is being projected on everyone else) Without going into so much detail, my family can no longer take this level of negativity (and borderline abuse). My mother is a completely broken human because of this and at this point I fear for her sanity as much as him. He’s had therapists literally send him away after a number of sessions due to his extremely negative approach to advice and unwillingness to be open to change. He has tried some medications but some of them have actually made things worse and landed him in the hospital in the past. and Since he doesn’t have a consistent therapist working with him, medication seems like a risk. His biggest struggle is with making meaningful connections with people and this extends to therapists. He doesn’t feel like any of them understand what he’s going through and he’s unwilling to try unless he reaches a severe dip in his depressive cycles. But he never sticks with one for longer than a couple sessions which is why I think he has never diagnosed with anything.

I’ve begged him to get help, to get evaluated and try to understand what is going on. I’ve asked him why wouldn’t you want to learn more about what’s going on, and to maybe find a specialist that could understand him. Or maybe meet some people who he can connect with and relate to within the community? He’s told me that he “doesn’t need to have a name for it to know he’s fucked” and sees no benefit to getting a diagnosis. 

I don’t really know what i’m looking for from any of you but i’ll take any advice or support you can give me. how do I go about guiding someone who is so lost, and how to help my family stay strong? And for those of you who have gotten evaluated and/or gotten help in adulthood, what was the turning point for you that pushed you to want to seek help? I keep hearing I can’t help someone who doesn’t want help, but there is no other option because I’m scared and this is clearly never going away