i feel like my relationship is going to fall apart because i can’t fucking communicate. i get upset for whatever thing my brain is trying to use to break me down at any given moment, tell him nothing is wrong or just get distant/shut down when he asks me, and then we just sit in silence until i pull it together and want to talk again. i feel like i get so clouded in the feeling of being upset that i don’t even know what im upset about, so when we finally talk about it, all i can say is i don’t know. i have a lot of doubts and trust issues about our relationship that im scared to bring up because i feel like im making everything up, even though he constantly says he’s a bad person, he has told me that im one of his victims, and tells me to break up with him. i just wish i could talk when im upset. i keep trying to get him to read into bpd, to research splitting so he can understand what’s going on in my head better than i can explain it but he thinks im fine. i told him i wasn’t content in our relationship and he said this whole year has basically been a waste then and he doesn’t understand how im not content when he buys me food, weed, and supports me. i feel like he’s never listening to me about the small things, like when i want to talk about my day or things that matter to me, but based on his response to me saying that which was basically him saying he sucks at listening to everyone but has been trying to listen to me especially, i must be making that up? everyone in my life has told me im ungrateful bc they shower me in material things (clothes, food, weed, etc.), but what i want more than that stuff is to feel like im being emotionally understood. i can’t figure out if im asking too much of him. i just want our relationship to work.