So I beat my friends to their apartment last night after we all left the bar from celebrating said friends' birthday. I waited a few minutes in my car (first time visiting the new place, didnt know which apartment was theirs') and then called them twice. They didnt answer. I waited another 5 minutes and immediately started splitting. Without doing my own research on BPD and the symptoms, I never wouldve been able to catch this. One thing would have led to another and I probably wouldve just gone home angrily thinking that they ditched me.

I suddenly realized that I was demonizing my friend in my head (devaluing, but I'm a fan of evil shit 😈) and getting worked up. I immediately split him into the category of toxic person, which makes me want to run and hide. I noticed this, and kept calm. I acknowledged my emotions and let myself feel them, but also told myself that they were uncalled for and that i just needed to be patient.

Lo and behold they were in a dead zone and called me back. All this splitting happened in just a few minutes, but I disassociate into my own brain too hard sometimes and it felt like forever.

I'm so proud of myself for checking my rollercoaster brain for what feels like the first time! :)