Hello! I (M) started a new job recently (~couple of months) and pretty early on I got along great with a coworker (F). We would spend a lot of time at work together since we were a great team even though our job roles don't usually permit teamwork.

I have had depression for 13+ years and have worked on it for the last 8 years with therapy/meds. I was very stable before I joined this job. I have never experienced Anxiety symptoms in my life. I never get afraid of anything, to be honest. When you are on death's door and death doesn't scare you nothing can really scare you anymore. At least that was my thinking prior to this.

She and I talked deeply about issues we have, where I told her I have depression and am medicated. Usually, I would never share this with a coworker but she made me very comfortable somehow.

Eventually, my feelings for this coworker developed over weeks, and I felt some kind of anxiety developing in me. I was afraid of disappointing her professionally and/or privately. I would go out of my way to work immensely to help her out. I would work in my free time to help her out. Every time I got to work I would have this feeling of immense stomach pain, like butterflies but x100. My hands are shaking, I am short of breath and honestly, I can't really describe it. I have never experienced something like this before. I would have these panic attacks every time I would face her. If she was in a bad mood I would take it personally and would feel sick to my core.

Eventually, I had a depressive episode/breakdown in front of her, I was honestly close to jumping out the window that day. I wasn't that close for years. Since then I have been just a mess emotionally. I feel so ashamed and broken. She is very supportive and actually kind of a great person considering the circumstances.

Nonetheless, I am afraid of my anxiety around her or WHY I feel this way. I don't want to feel this attached/needy of anybody. Before I joined this job I was very independent. I am single and very happy about it in fact.

If anyone can give me tips on how to deal with this anxiety PLEASE tell me.

I will try to talk to my therapist and change meds ASAP. I changed meds recently and never felt this low with prior ones.

Should I distance myself from her?

Should I just straight up quit?

Should I take a long vacation?

Change meds?