Hi cuties,
I feel better than I did a month ago. I finally went to the hospital after seeing my psychologist who named me that I was perhaps experiencing my first REAL episode of mania. When I last published, I was in psychward and my new medication helped me a lot (seroquel xr 50mg, i know its now a lot): I feel rather calm, even if the intrusive thoughts and ruminations are still present. 

I’ve been home for a week now. I haven’t been there long. I use a lot less. I try to stick to one blunt a day (it works pretty well for now) and not touch anything else. My social worker told me about a 6-month closed therapy and we’re going to visit the centre on Friday. I am definitely not able to stop on my own, but I have trouble telling myself that I am at that point in my addiction. 

I haven’t cut myself in nine days. The last time was at the hospital and I had experienced the razor blade for the first time. I’ve been so pleased at the time, but the cuts are ugly right now.

I am still trying to understand my "symptoms" and I realized that I do not know if I had ever experienced a dissociation. It’s the only BPD pattern I don’t really know, I don’t know it shows up.

Enlighten me: how do you live your dissociations and when did you realize that you live some? 

Thanks a lot, love u