I have BPD and he does not. When we have fights it’s not anything abusive but I get so upset (he tends to yell and I’m very sensitive to that) that I can’t calm down afterwards for literally days, even though he apologizes and reassures me that he loves me. I stay up all night crying and try so hard to sleep but can’t because my heart is racing and I have such intense anxiety and deep sadness about how hurt I feel. I question if he truly loves me anymore.

I know I need to be better at self soothing but I think the situation is made much worse because he can’t really fully soothe me in the way I would like because we are long distance and things are extra complicated now because of Covid. I think I’d feel a lot better if after our fights he could just hold me for a while or do something nice to show he still loves me (like make me breakfast) but none of that is able to happen because of the long distance.

Is it just not good for people with BPD to be in long distance relationships because of things like this? How can I self-soothe better after our fights?