My husband and I have been married for 3 years.  We’ve been together for almost 7.  In the past year or so, we have both been diagnosed with BPD.

I feel as though I am in a strange place right now, and I guess I need a bit of a reality check, maybe?

My husband goes through these periods where he acts really distant.  I, in my crazy need to feel secure, tend to poke at him until he tells me what I’ve done wrong, so I can make it better.  I do my best to convince myself that I’m just being crazy and insecure, and that he would tell me if he was pissed off.

The problem I’m having is that I can’t manage to truly convince myself that it’s all in my head.  I try checking the facts, but honestly, the “facts” become a lot more subjective when you can’t seem to get out of your own headspace.  

And then when I’m not trying desperately to save my marriage from something that may or may not be real, I give up and start looking for apartments and divorce attorneys because I figure it’s already over, and I may as well get out while I can.

I love him so much, and I hate that I do this.  I feel as though I’m going to fuck up my marriage by being an insecure lunatic.  