I am actively destroying my chances with my FP by bombarding him with texts and calls. Like, we literally text all day and do like 1-2 calls, and I can FEEL it draining him of interest in me. But I don’t know how to stop. I tried replacing bombarding him with bombarding other people, but that seems equally as bad. I indulged my vices, and they just made me talk to him more. I go to the gym and run ‘til I’m exhausted, but then that mellowed energy goes right away the second I’m out of the gym. I’m literally unable to function or focus at work because I just want to text or thinking about or write about him. I’m trying to write poems and stuff so that I don’t communicate the words directly to him, but that’s only taking me so far. I think seeing him would fix it, but we can’t right now because he’s states away, but I’m at the point where I might just make the ten hour drive because I physically cannot function otherwise.

Also, shoutout to my BPD because halfway through writing this, I literally started going, “Okay, but do you even like him tho” because apparently splitting is the only solution I haven’t tried, LOL.