20M, while I have had good times in life I think overall I just dont want to do it anymore. Its not worth it for me.
Its like I go from one shithole to another. Only been home for 4 days and I already realize how pointless it is. Either im at college rotting away going nowhere in life, or im at home going nowhere.

At college I lost most of my friends and ended up just rotting in my dorm the last 2 months. 
Then I move home for a week and all I do is sit at home and hang out w hometown friends at night, but really its like im being put into a box of my highschool self (who was must nerdier and confident). So now its like im regressing and not allowed to be myself. Im the butt of the jokes. My mom ignores me sometimes when I speak to her and in a way doesn't care she always has.

Then I know when I go back in the summer to my new apartment im gonna do the same introvert, too afraid to make friends bullshit cause im so damn shy. I hate it because I can't control it. I know I'll go back and probably not do shit.

What im saying is, I'm gonna keep going for rn but I swear if in 5 years its still the same shit then I might just kill myself. I don't want to do this for 50 years.