Hello gang I’ve been having this thought forever since I feel like it has at least affected me and how I think about my marriage. 

I have family history of schizophrenia. I am bipolar w/psychotic features or at least that was my diagnoses at 16 then was in psychosis and was eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia at 21. I am currently 22 about to be 23 in September. 

I always knew that my mood episodes have affected my relationship just because I feel like I’ve traumatized him. I have been manic and crazy depressed and su****. I have done things that would have traumatized me if it was my loved one. Since I started having hallucinations V/A i have been very delusional and aren’t able to leave the house or be out in public because I’m scared my hallucinations will get worse. We have had to leave events, parties, movie theaters and had to cancel a trip to Disneyland because of my delusions and hallucinations. 
He never shows it or mentions anything bothering him. He is the most supportive person ever. He has taken me to the hospital numerous times and gives me my meds and encourages me to do therapy. I feel like my recent schizophrenia diagnosis fucked him up. He doesn’t show it so maybe I’m delusional but I feel like he doesn’t love me no matter how many times he tells me. I feel like he is tired of me and I am a burden all because I was diagnosed with yet again another mental disorder (I also struggle with PTSD and Bulimia) it just feels like I am a burden and don’t really deserve his love or attention. He says I am good but I feel bad. I wake him up with panic attacks I take time out of his day because I am freaking out. He always has to call in or come home early from work. He misses events because of me and I know he hates it. I know he hates me and I should just sleep forever. I am tired of being a burden and wish I was healthy enough to be good on my own and not have to worry about hallucinations or delusions. I am disabled and can’t even work to help us financially. Most of the time I don’t accomplish any house chores or make food I can’t I physically can’t I can’t get motivation or imane myself standing up to do so. I am trying to be better stay on meds, journal, and stay consistent with therapy. I am sure I can stop being this way and try to live a life without thinking I am hated constantly. Is it a symptom because when I was delusional I thought he didn’t even like me because he wasn’t having sex with me more than once a day but as soon as we would have sex I would disassociate and have an attack afterwards or just keep seeing stuff during it. I thought the government had sent him to control me and keep me isolated from everyone when it reality I was the one isolating myself. I thought he was lying about ever liking me and this was just a test from god to see if I was his prophet or not. 

Do you guys feel like this with any family members or friends? Please help me understand and not feel bad about this.