I do not know what wanting to feel better feels like. 

I have torpedo so many friendships, possible relationships, and a recent intimate relationship. I have am really good at disregarding the positives in my life, especially when under stress. For example, I may pass a quiz, but I will future predict I am going to fail future quizzes, because I never did well on past quizzes. Instead of only deleting the pictures of my ex-girlfriend, I deleted all pictures I have taken in the past 6 plus years. I wish I never existed.