I really struggle to cope with even the most basic demands in a relationship. 

Friends WhatsApping general conversation, a relative asking to go to lunch, my brother asking to go rock climbing every weekend, my sister who lives away from us sending me jokes, my PD friend asking to see me, a guy I met in hospital trying to keep in touch, another guy I met in Spain asking how I’m doing, my other sister asking me to look through some clothes she’s sending to the charity shop, my aunt’s neighbour messaging and asking if I’ll dog-sit for a whole month in August...

Everything is piling up exponentially and  despite the fact that most of these conversations/requests are pretty low pressure, I am becoming more and more agitated and distressed with every message. 

I find myself withdrawing to my bed and turning on airplane mode just to calm down. The worst thing is that I know that I should be able to deal with this; in real life this shouldn’t be a problem. 

And a whole month in August?? I can’t plan that far ahead! I don’t even know how I will feel in an hour, let alone whether I’ll still be alive by August. 

I have letters from the NHS saying I falsely claimed that I was on benefits and not entitled to free prescriptions; which is wrong because I’ve been on benefits since 2016. 

I’ve got a dentist appointment! I’ve not heard back from the specialist PD unit after being referred for an assessment! 

Everyone must despise me and think that I am the worst person alive; I am so pathetic that I can’t even send a simple text back without my stress levels hitting the roof. 

To top it all off, I’m meant to be doing better. I know I am. I have psychotherapy every week. I should be able to cope. 

I don’t know what to do, and my head is an absolute mess. The self-harming has started again. I feel like I can’t breathe. 

The whole world just moves on around me and expects me to keep up and I am falling so far behind. 
