I'm 23. 

Okay, how tf do I deal with this.


I spiraled so incredibly hard last night and got 0 hours of sleep. I was definitely not in an okay place. I was extremely happy earlier today because our relationship is in a good spot and it makes me ecstatic, but I can almost feel myself crashing again. The highs are so high but the lows are debilitating. 


The constant asking for reassurance, then apologizing for asking so much and, then apologizing for apologizing. 


We've spent probably a week away from eachother total in the past year and a half, and this is hard. Fear of it being over when he comes back. The loneliness. Reading into every word and analyzing it because I don't know how to interpret emotions over text. Thinking, "he's fine without you so why are you being like this? Oh, *he's fine without me*? Fuck. We'll maybe he'd be happier with someone else..." The flipping from being cold to being so in love and destroying myself because I just can't stop.


What the hell do I even do with my time? What hobbies do I enjoy? 


*How do you do it?*


Man, I just miss him..