I have a lot more energy than i used to. I feel welcome and i finally have friends and a reason to look forward to the future. 

And yet, it's not enough. It's never enough. It's like no relationship or experience or accomplishment or drug can make this feel right. 

I need constant stimulation to keep from drifting to suicidal thoughts. Constant reassurance from those around me to make me think they might not abandon me the next chance they get.

The only real peace i get is when i sleep, because i always have very deep, detailed and vivid dreams. It's literally being transported to another world. Maybe that's why I'm so obcessed with Ambien: it makes me feel like I'm dreaming.