So I just got back from an outing with my mum. Please give me suggestions on how I could have handled this situation differently. I have BPD but have never learned coping skills, but this week I'm really trying.

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\- we visit family friends. mum jokes in front of them 'Are you paying your dad rent?' when she knows perfectly well I pay him a good amount of rent.

\- I stay calm and friendly on the ride back and ask her to please not make that joke again as it makes me feel bad.

\- she immediately loses it, accusing me of picking on her, crying, slamming her fist into the car horn. says maybe I am the problem for being too sensitive.

\- staying calm and refusing to raise my voice, I say I feel like she is manipulating me into feeling bad and that I feel like I can't criticize anything about her without her seeing it as an attack. 

\- I point out a couple of times I have not liked the way she uses money against me. for example, I recently received a fairly sizable inheritance. my mum needs a hip replacement. the waiting list for one on the NHS is ridiculous, but my uncle has offered to pay for it. my mum is always saying how much money my uncle has. I recently urged her to reconsider his generous offer, which she has too much pride to accept. she drunkenly snaps that me and my brother could cover it with our inheritance (inheritance is from dad's side of family, who she despises). when I repeat this issue today, she says she would never have accepted that money, and I point out that it was pointless her using it against me in the first place. she says it pisses her off that me and my brother would let my uncle use his retirement fund on her, despite him offering. I point out that I'm saving this money as a house deposit, as it's the kind of money I'm unlikely to have again.

\- I feel a bit devastated that I was trying so hard to stay calm and rational, but no matter what I do being in my life is like a hurricane coming into town and destroying everything in its path.

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Thanks all xx