I'd love to hear from someone who has BPD or is in a relationship with someone who does. 
My girlfriend has BPD. I've been studying quite a bit on how to calm her down when she gets mad and starts spiralling and have been having some luck which is great. The problem is, part of this is avoiding things that might piss her off, but since we're in a relationship there are gonna be times when I need to discuss with her ways she can be a better partner to me, or something she did that upset or annoyed me. How on earth am I supposed to do this when I know that because of her BPD, she will most likely take it as an attack and get mad and start spiralling. It feels like I'll be provoking an argument even though that isn't my intention at all. There are times that I'm stressed and annoyed and I want to confront (for lack of a better term) her about the issue, but how do I do this without causing a fight? Any advice would be welcome.