Im a terrible daughter and a sister. 

I always manage to make my dad, who is a fucking saint, angry. Every time he asks me to spend time with him, I always get mad. He doesn’t even see me that often and I know it will always make him happy to see his little girl once in awhile. I’m never there to eat dinner with him, and I always sit at the table with him when my mom forces me to. I miss him so much but I can never bring myself to talk to him and I fucking hate myself for it. He works so hard and comes home late and I can’t even bring myself to hug him or anything.

My poor mom has to deal with me everyday. She works hard at home, and whenever she ask me to do something simple, I always fuss about it. She took up a teaching job while working at home just so my parents can send me to a good school, and I can never come back with good scores, and she never once got mad. She sent me to tutors who have dropped me because I was too stupid for them. I embarrass myself when I’m out with her and she has never once punished me. When I did something terrible, the only think she would do is take my phone, and I always scream at her because of it. 

Sometimes I would hear both my parents cry themselves to sleep. I wish I can take everything back and tell her how much I appreciate her and my dad’s efforts but I just can’t.

I hate myself for everything. I just want to be a daughter that wouldn’t hurt them. I know it’s draining for my family to talk to me but I can’t change. I try so hard but it just never works.