Hi guys!

I don't know if this is like a thing that all BPD people go through or maybe I'm just really weird and fucked up, but when you start to spiral into BPD depression hell, (like say your FP says something and it really upsets you) what are the stages of BPD that you go through? Usually when I'm reacting to something someone has said that has upset me, my initial reaction is RAGE. I am so angry and they HAVE to know that what they said has hurt me and that it wasn't right. And then after that, usually I'm being ignored because who wants to deal with that? And then it's like my voice tells me that all I want to do is feel something (and of course that something is extreme sadness) so then I'll dwell on what they said, come up with reasons that confirm my fear of them hating me (reread painful messages, etc.) and convince myself that they will get sick of my BPD bullshit and leave me (and realllllly dwell on the fact that they're the only person who hasn't left yet and that they too are going to leave and then that proves this overwhelming feeling that EVERYONE will leave and that I'm better off alone) so then I message 1282358537218 times and say that I'm SO sorry for overreacting and express how scared I am that they will leave and get sick of it and apologize so many times. And then when they're understanding (thankfully) and they tell me to just try to breathe and to remember that what I'm feeling will pass and they make me laugh a little, I'm SO grateful for them and even though I was just crying literally 3 minutes ago, I feel better and safe. 

&amp;#x200B;

I'm so sick of not being able to regulate emotions, really when does this ever get better. It's hard not to blame myself for this shit, I'm so sick of being fucked up.

Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this, it means a lot.