i met a guy and we talked about love n shit, in rehab. i know it’s wrong but the tension and toxicity is so intriguing and now i made sure to do php somewhere else from him but i can’t stop fantasizing about him and the only way i can get over him is with someone else. i’m obsessed with fantasizing about men who show me attention, it drives me crazy. 
it consumes me and i idealize them so much that i want them to be just like the movies and they always have to have red flags. it’s like i need that to keep myself excited. my therapist says i have borderline and i’m extremely co dependent.

this is so hard to deal with. i think in extremes and i just want to go off the rails and live my fantasies. i can’t accept real life. it’s so boring. ugh. i can’t even be cordial with my exes, i just use someone else to get over them. i hate them all, and i know that this isn’t just borderline it’s my personality too but i just want someone to relate to, does anyone else in this community deal with this? 
i’m feeling reckless. i don’t even want to use, i just want to like go have sex. it’s also the addict in me as well. and thinking about it makes me so excited, i’m literally exhilarated by the thought of doing something wrong. idk, i feel like i’m going insane.