I don't know how best to describe my feelings.
I definitely have some form of severe anhedonia and it hurts to try do things. Everything is a drain.

It does not help that my roommate is an asshole. I got her to leave me alone by standing up to her but it still adds a layer of tension in my day and is not something I have the spoons to deal with.

I'm not really living my life and it's so hard to force myself to do things I enjoy to provide momentary relief but it just comes back.

I have constant flashbacks of times I've been horrible to people and it just makes me feel unworthy of life. Sometimes I worry I'll do something to myself just to avoid the daily pain I go through.

My work is in art and animation, I also stream, write and make YouTube videos and it's lead me to feel like I've spread myself too much and am just exhausted but keeping busy helps me feel a bit better so I try to throw myself in my work.

I don't know how best to cope with all this and just needed a place to share.