M/27 (sorry for my bad english, not my first language)

It's been 2 years since i didn't move anywhere, since my ex gf of 7 years left me to marry another man, i dont have  motivation to live. Right now i'am still struggling to finish my master thesis, and yes almost 1.5 years i just sleep on my bed, staring at my ceiling, feels empty. 

At this exact moment, i dont even have desire to eat, i dont feel happy to socialize with my friends, i cant read my book, i leave all my hobby, i just lock mysef inside my room, alone, in big city, far from my family.

Majorities of my friends already have decent jobs, nice family and big goals.

i felt so depressed, i tried to talked it out to all my closest friends about my depression, but no one helps, and i can't afford to go to therapy, it's expensive (i dont have a job and live in 3rd world country).

I used to be a happy person, have a big social circles, many good friends, love to learn anything, always being productives, but right now i just hate my self, i can't even being happy for 1 day, and always thinking of suicide day by day.  (i used to be a religious person, but now i'am super mad at god)

I dont have a place to tell this anywhere but here. Thanks for reading this, all of you, stranger on internet.



i cant find the way out. :)