We spoke for an year before cutting it off in November and started talking again in February. Now it's fine, I forced myself to stop obsessing over him, but he changed and I feel like it's my fault. He was 14 and I was 15 during that toxic period and I put a shit ton of pressure on him since I had constant mental breakdowns, cut myself and tried to kill myself if he changed his tone in text or did anything slightly different. Back then I didn't understand how hard this was on him, I thought he didn't care about me at all when he actually did. I would get overwhelmingly jealous whenever he spoke to any people, even his sister or his parents. I would constantly get mad at him because of the smallest reasons to the point where he had to lie (he told me this) constantly so I wouldn't get mad. I saw through his lies but I stopped commenting on them since I was sick of arguing. Now looking back, I feel so fucking disgusted of myself, I feel miserable. I don't know if it's necessarily me who made him become the way he is now but if it is then I will hate myself forever. He used to be so nice and caring and I could talk to him all the time, about anything. Now he's not the same, now he is constantly cold, gets angry really easily and says brutal things. I apologised to him so many times and I can't tell if he forgave me or not, but even if he did, the damage has been done. I still love him a lot and I'm trying to be as normal as I can nowadays, but I don't think anything will ever fix anything. I try my best to avoid bringing up the past since he could get mad at me, but I really wish I could bring it up so I can apologise one more time, but sincerely, since only now I realize what I did.