When we read a book our eyes scan from one word to the next. And each time our eyes lock onto the next word, our “spotlight of attention” shifts to whatever the focus of that word is. If this didn’t happen, and our spotlight of attention was lit amongst everything within our visual perception, our brains would become overwhelmed. 

This “spotlight of attention” that I talk about is not only relevant while a person is reading, but throughout every moment of their life. We consciously or unconsciously assign where to shine our attention spotlight, and disregard everything outside of it, causing our perceptions of the world to be largely dictated by where we direct our focus. 

But what happens when the controller of the flashlight from which we illuminate our “spotlight of attention” becomes overridden by some unconscious entity that isn’t at all logical or concerned with our well being?And what happens when this entity can take control of our flashlight whenever it pleases? 

Hypothetically, if our spotlight of attention wasn’t within our conscious control; if where we chose to pay attention was not within the control of our logical, rational self. Would we not essentially be living a lie? Would these irrational thoughts not be literally robbing us of our own truth and potential? Does that ever make you feel angry? 

Do any of you feel like the controller of the light which illuminates your spotlight of attention has been entirely hijacked? And now you spend the majority of your life wrestling for it back, but no matter how many times you win, it always ends up back in the hands of the hijacker? 

Because I feel that way every waking hour. The second I start to find my way amidst the darkness and confusion in my life, the hijacker takes the flashlight away from me. He robs me of my vision and my reality. 

He redirects my attention to things that I should not logically care about though still react as if my survival is dependant on them. Whether that be the slightest of a thump in the floorboards of my bedroom, the damp humming of a tune heard through my wall, the falsely assumed judgement of a person whom I’m within the vicinity of. Anything. 

And then I think to myself... what would my life be like if I could just take back from him what is rightfully mine? Like my friends and the majority of those I know. Sometimes the wrestling with him gets so tiring I wish the flashlight would just power off completely. I hope one day he dies. Screw him.