im debating on if i should kill myself or not. i usually go to my friend (fake name) tom for help. he also wants to kill himself and doesnt like his life either. hes the only one who understands me; because hes going through what i am. i have traits of bpd but im not diagnosed due to the fact im under 21 and my personality isnt fully developed. ive had these symptoms for about 6 years, and didnt realize any of it until February of 2019. i also talk to my boyfriend (fake name) michael, but i dont like talking to him about killing myself. usually when i do talk about how id like to kill myself to my friends (and boyfriend), they say how if i really wanted to i wouldnt say anything and id just do it. ive had a plan for a long time. im too toxic for people. todays my birthday but it feels like a normal day to me. ive been physically ill for the past month. i have an aneurysm in my brain. i turn 16 today. its supposed to be my sweet sixteen but nothing good has happened. i hate myself so much that i feel like i deserve to die. i feel like all i do is hurt my boyfriend. i love him so much, but i want to leave him so he will be happy. my bpd ruins everything for me. i dont want to live like this anymore. i dont want to be bakeracted again. i dont know what to do. i know people will miss me, but only the people who dont see the toxic side of me will care. id rather be dead than hurt anyone else again. please help me..