I spend so much time alone and I don’t know how to break the cycle. For almost a year now I’ve kept myself hidden away after my first encounter with the police. I’ve been drinking myself sick and my bank account shows it. Ive tried multiple antipsychotics and have continued therapy. I’ve been trying so hard to keep it together for everyone but it’s killing me. I hate this time of year because I know I could easily take my own life from the cold but at the same time I know my family’s pain would continue even if I’m gone. 
I was studying to be a psychologist. I’m graduating this year with an honours degree but after this past nightmare, I’m done with school for now. I feel like any life I’ve had left in me has been taken away, especially hearing my friends talk about their grad school interviews. I also feel like a huge hypocrite because I’m aware of how to help others yet I can’t seem to help myself. 
