I get very bad bouts of anger and violent thoughts, therapists have asked me what I do in my spare time. I don't really know, I'm super judgmental of my artwork and I hate everything I draw. I'm convinced everyone at work hates me and I'm thinking about quitting. I spend more money on weed than feeding myself, but when I do buy groceries I feel terrible for spending my money when I could be saving it. I'm also convinced that I'm a laughing stock for liking childish things that keep me distracted from thinking about hurting myself. I get mad when I lose because it shows I'm just a pathetic wannabe. Give me like 20 more years and maybe I'll be a lolcow on the internet for not trying hard enough despite my motivation and depression. Lately I've been trying to force myself to cry to let out at least some emotional baggage, but It's backfired on me since sometimes I choke back tears at inappropriate times. I'm worried my oldest cat who's helped me through childhood bullying is going to die soon and it'll be my snapping point. Give me like 20 more years and maybe i'll be a lolcow and be cursed to be laughed at by strangers and complete my story of the Most Saddest and Pathetic Person on the Internet. I've grown a crush on a friend who's been there for me for abt 3 years, just found out recently that she's got a girlfriend already. I just want to someone to stroke my hair and tell me that i'm not a monster, and that everythings gonna be ok.