I'm always caught up in the circle of not wanting to get too close to people so I don't get attached and the few I do end up getting close to, they have their own friends. So I'm just there, alone and logically I know I'm not abandoned and they can hang out with other people but I just feel like I'm forgotten the moment I'm no longer in their presence

The crushing loneliness hurts so bad but I also don't like hanging out with groups of people, the contrast just hurts so much. This is why I don't go out, at least then there's no chance to feel excluded.