i’ve never had an eating disorder, but i’d like to vomit out my emotions right now. fuck, anything to get this out. i hate when i get like this. all i feel is scorn and self-hate. i’m crying into my pillow and can hardly breathe because snot is just pouring out of me. i hate how worthless i feel when i perceive someone i love abandoning me. my mind goes straight to suicide and/or cutting. i know i’m not going to self-harm today, but i just wish i could have all of these painful emotions pour out of me somehow. why. why does this happen. i’m not addicted to substances anymore, but i keep visualizing myself taking something that will make me go completely numb. i just want to sleep, but my mind is fucking racing. 