My boyfriend and I spend pretty much every weekend with each other. He is going a few states away with some friends to play in a tournament that happens every year. We’ve been dating for around a year and a half so this is the second time he’s going since we’ve been dating. 

The first time was awful. I felt so anxious, even weeks before the trip. And that weekend I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. At night I cried myself to sleep. 

The trip is coming up again this weekend, and although I’m not nearly as anxious as I was last time around I’m still worried how I’ll handle the weekend with him so far away. He’s giving me keys to his apartment so I can stay there while he’s gone. I’ll also be going dancing with some friends the night he’s leaving to try and stay distracted but I feel like I won’t even be able to enjoy myself.

I’m so worried something bad will happen on the car ride there, or that he’ll get injured badly during a game. Him and his friends go to bars at night after their games and I’m worried something bad will happen there while he’s drunk. Although he’s made his stance on cheating very clear, I still get worried he’ll find someone he likes better. My anxious mind likes to attach to these thoughts and run with it. Basically any thought of him getting hurt or leaving me in some way.

I feel really pathetic honestly. I am very aware this is unhealthy. I’m a lot better than I was last year but clearly I still have separation anxiety. I am in and out of therapy for anxiety and depression  (currently out because of an issue with my insurance). I hate that I’m like this but I’m trying to not be mean to myself about it. I’m probably going to uninstall social media so I’m not compelled to check what he’s doing all the time. Does anyone have other tips to help me get through the weekend?