Hello. I have treatment resistant depression &amp; a strange form of ocd. I’ve had mental issues my whole life but ever since getting diagnosed with ADHD my life went downhill. Fast. I quit taking stimulant medication because I developed anti-social behavior &amp; started smoking copious amounts of weed &amp; isolated myself. Truth be told, ever since quitting these a year ago things have gotten very very bad. I dropped out of college my last year, had dpdr (maybe I still do &amp; just live with it who knows), have VERY severe cognitive dysfunction, lost all of my friends, lost interest in anything, the list goes on &amp; on. Now all that I do is obsess over what is wrong with me, be jealous 24/7 of people that are “normal”, google possible treatments &amp; medications, go to work part-time as a bus boy (a miracle I am still employed as I literally do not/cannot talk to anyone), vape, and sleep. Not. A. Single. Thing. Else. Even if I wanted to do something else, I am trapped in my head no matter what I do. I am hopeless that this will be forever &amp; that I will not achieve any of the things I wish to do/become.

This fucking sucks :))))

So here I am, looking for advice. 

Things I have tried
-Zoloft
-Abilify
-Vyvanse
-Concerta
-Fetzima (current)
-Latuda (current)
-Armodafinil (current)
-Ketamine IV (current but feel like giving it up since I am not the one paying for it nor has it provided any relief.

Things I am looking at:
-Nardil
-Parnate
-Anafranil/Clomipramine 


Living a life delusional w so much pain is very hard. So please please provide any anecdotal experiences/advice you have for me regarding these medications &amp; if you were in a similar state of mind @ one point &amp; were able to crawl out of it.

Thank you much love.