So, backgrounder.  After being severely ill for eight years, including the last two being unable to work and engaging in some pretty self-destructive behaviours that lead to the destruction of my marriage amonsth other things, I've gotten my life back together.  I'm working, I'm going to school, I have healthy relationships; I'm living that coveted "life worth living"

Despite this, I was always dreading when it would all come down.  When it would crash, and I'd meet that ever familiar bottom once again.

Part of me wants that bottom, because it does have some comfort to it.  It's familiar.  Part of me dreads it, because it will be another severe setback to my life, where I'll be spending another year or so picking myself up and dusting myself off.

I've had a stressful few weeks (getting my divorce done, over extending myself, etc. etc.).  A little more than I can deal with.  I had a nasty rage episode mixed with some self-harm; and my substance use has picked up to a level that I'm concerned about.  I've been dissassociating more.

I just want to give it all up, and retreat to that bottom once again.  Quit my job, quit school, quit my other commitments, go back on disability, and live the mediocre life that is so familiar and safe to me.

So, lovely sub, when you have those urges to give up on everything (I like to call it the 'fuckits'), but you know deep down that the things you have going are what you want, what do you do to keep going?