I’m so tired of being alive. Everyone says ‘it gets better,’ ‘this is only temporary,’ but isn’t everything else?? I get ‘better,’ move past things, and feel fine, and it’s just temporary. What’s so great about living? The temporary happiness? The temporary stability before descending back into... this? I live a good life. I’m not abused, not impoverished. I’m not homeless or hungry, addicted to drugs or booze or sex. I don’t deserve to think this way. And yet, here I am. I feel like a fraud. There are little kids in war-torn countries who take it all in stride and my life is fine. But I still fuck myself over, for what, attention? An excuse for my behavior? A reason to hurt other people? I don’t mean to. My boss is worried about me. My coworkers. I don’t mean to make them worry but I’m so tired. I’m tired. I’m anxious. I’m numb. I have the attention span of a fucking goldfish. I just want everything to stop. I want to not be tired, not be irritable, not be upset by the smallest fucking bullshit. The smallest, stupidest bullshit. I don’t have any real reason to be sad or detached, I don’t have any reason. And everything gets better for a day or a month or a year but then it all comes back. I don’t want to live my whole life switching between feeling like this and feeling normal but knowing I’ll switch back to this in time. I don’t want to live my whole life being fine for six months or a year only to be like this for the same amount of time. I’m just so tired. Of being sad, being numb, being fucked up. I’m tired of letting myself down, letting others down. I’m just tired of being alive. I’m so fucking tired of it.