I know I have self image/self-esteem issues, but I don’t understand the self hatred. I see old photos of myself and I’m disgusted, I see someone who is ugly, naive, weak, and I feel pity. There’s a disconnect between the “old” me and my present self. Then I get sad when I remember that I’m that same person carrying the same pain, it never went anywhere. 

Seeing baby photos of myself, on the other hand, makes me cry instantly. I feel immense sorrow for the life ahead of that baby, and I wish I could pick her up and hug her-hug myself. Though I suppose that’s a compassionate view towards my infant self, I don’t understand how it’s turned off for my early adolescent self and teen self. 

I wish I could see myself as all of these parts of me, together as one. I wish I could love that self wholly without any hesitation. I’m discouraged by my present self perceptions because they are far from healthy and I just want to move on so badly.