I'm sitting here with my family and my cousins who are close to my age, and I always feel so isolated and left out from them. We are on our annual vacation that I always end up crying in the bathroom and feeling 100x more suicidal than I normally do on. Every time I bring it up I get yelled at by my older sister (who I'm always feel intimidated by for the record, ever since I was little I'd get the shit beat out of me by her and now it's words she uses) but I only bring it up within my siblings- not cousins.
I'm a 20 year old female btw- the middle kid. Also the middle cousin. There's 6 of us, all girls- we've been friends all of our lives but each year I feel more and more left out. 
Even in groups of friends it's always been like this.
I speak up more and get shut down or yelled at by my older sister for saying something she doesn't like or it's too eccentric (I was diagnosed with psychosis at 14 so I think the eccentric things MAY come from that but personally I see no issue in what I say &amp; can't think of any other place it would come from, she's just a very dominant person).

It doesn't help that I'm going through addiction to oxy and so every few hours my mood gets really angry or tired  (I don't lash out I keep silent) due to crash of the high. And I'm in physical pain from shooting up fake coke in the bathroom cuz someone sold me fake shit so currently all my injection sites are swollen/bruised. 

Does anyone else feel left out? I never feel like I belong anywhere and I know that's so cliche to say but it makes me so damn suicidal. 