As I look back into my life I wonder what went wrong. What steps lead me to being so depressed. I used to be happy, outgoing, and charming. Now I feel hated, reclusive, and I have learned to be conformed in solitude. My fiancé who I was going to married finally left. I told her I didn’t love her. The next day I felt bad but I know it’s best. We have a child and we are always fighting. I know 90% it’s my fault. I’ve tried to change, to see a therapist, I even got baptized. But my evil thoughts return to me. I had dreams, so many dreams of what could be accomplished but now I know I’ll never be anyone worth knowing. 

I have to admit I think of suicide, thinking of traveling and maxing out my card and then blowing my brains out. One good week to live without any restrictions of money or anything else for that matter. 

Does anyone ever feel like me?