A lot of times I fantasize about committing suicide because of the things I think would be said about me. 

Like the family and friends I’ve tried opening up to who never took me seriously because my life was “fine” or “I could have it way worse” or because I was “pretty” and “smart” so therefore would figure things out..

And the therapists who have invalidated my BPD because I seem “too normal” according to whatever fucking classic BPD algorithm they learned in psych school....

I assumed the concept of “patient-specific treatment“ was universal to all areas of healthcare but apparently not..

I think about all the people in my life who would finally realize “wow, I knew she had some issues but I never expected this from her. I should have taken her more seriously. This is so heartbreaking.” 

And thought of it all is sadly satisfying. But I have no idea how to deal with feeling permanently misunderstood.