So im 31 and was diagnosed when i was 18 while on a psychiatric ward where i stayed for 8 months. I had 3 other lengthy admissions by the time i was 21. I felt like i was forever visiting and being vistied by psychiatrists, psychologists and nurses. I did DBT with some success. I was self harming and constantly battled suicidal thoughts with a couple of serious attempts. I was very impulsive.

My life is very different now, i have a wife and 2 step children. I think growing up and maturing has helped me alot. But there is still a part of me that has never faded with time or ever really gone away, i still have some pretty dark thoughts. I think saying suicidal would be stretching it...its kinda like a lacklustre half assed attitude to life. I often daydream about my life being taken from me due to an accident or illness, and how id feel okay about that. Life just seems too painful at times, like im too sensitive for this world. Im jealous about others that seemingly breeze through life. I know life is precious and i feel guilty about not being happy with my life, i wouldnt even describe myself as content. If it wasnt for my wife i dont know what id do.

Hoping someone out there can relate and perhaps give me a little hope or advice. I can feel the dark clouds creeping over once again...really not feeling great lately.