It's like there's always something hidden which I can't say out loud because I am too ashamed and afraid of the reaction. It's getting better with my mom because she's very supportive and tries her best to help me but sometimes things are just soO bad that I feel like I can't say them out loud to the people where I know it would make me feel relieved afterwards. It's like I have to lie and keep things secret. Same with my ex, actually every ex because there just wasn't a way of being truthful and not hurtful at the same time. I feel like if I was ever 100% true, no one would like me. Yeah, you don't have to tell everyone everything but what do I know about healthy boundaries in terms of telling people things? It's always all or nothing. With all of the awful things in my life (drinking, drugs, sex work, lying, cheating, stealing) it's like I made it impossible for myself to find someone who will understand or make myself truly likeable for anyone ever.