Hi Reddit - I initially wrote an absolute tome giving every detail of my story, but I need help so I've done my best to write an abridged version.

Long story short, I was an anxious kid after moving schools aged 11 to a big private school where the others were more wealthy, better socialised and lived closer to the school than I did. I was never a pervert, I was always respectful and would err on the side of caution when it came to girls.

In fact, i struggled to speak to girls, and this - combined with the advent of Facebook around 2009 and the raging hormones of puberty - led me to make a series of calamitous errors that continue to haunt me to this day:

Age 12/13 -  a crush invited me to join Facebook. I joined, and as a gifted wordsmith I found I could speak to ANY girl far better than I could in real life. Furthemore, as a young teen sitting at home behind a keyboard, my hormones got the better of me. In my biggest period of regret, I manipulated 20+ girls in my school during summer break to reveal explicit things about themselves, send pictures, etc. Word spread when school returned, and my immaturity led me to deny the allegations, but i developed a reputation for being a creep. I distanced myself from new people and some people I knew. I would always have an anxiety in the back of my mind about the preconceptions they would have.

Age 14 - through a friend I met a girl a grade below me and we became incredibly close via text messages. I was completely innocent and had learned from my earlier mistakes, but i was terribly awkward in person. Some girls in my grade would speak about me within earshot, so I knew my reputation remained poor. We dated for a couple of weeks but ended up on good terms as close friends. I later lost my virginity to her.

Age 14/15 - prior to losing my virginity, I was still a horny teen at heart and was desperate to become sexually active. I exchanged pictures with a girl from another school, thinking it a new start and I really liked the girl. I grew far less awkward shortly afterwards.

Age 16 - I grew up a lot, began to be ever so slightly sociable with 'popular' people, and entered into a 'real' relationship with a girl new to the school. She cheated, we ended on bad terms, and she one day exploded at me that 'She knew the things people told her were true', e.g. that i was a creep that would pretend to be a good guy to get with girls. She referenced messages that she alleged I sent to someone - I showed her that this was untrue.

Around this time, a bully around the school - whom i had never had issues with - approached me and said he had been shown pictures that I had allegedly sent to an individual. The name he stated was not one I knew, but i realised he was referring to the pictures I had sent to the girl from another school a couple of years prior (the surname he used was the surname of the best friend of the girl...). 

I began to overhear my name when walking past groups of students in my grade and up to two grades below me, and realised that my reputation had been irreparably damaged. I ignored the whisperings, knowing that in person I had never lived up to this reputation. 

Age 17/18 - I went to university, and left much of the past behind me. I still suffered from social anxiety among some groups of women and around 'shit-testing' men, and would try incredibly hard to stay on top of this anxiety. I made a great group of friends, and developed a huge crush on a beautiful girl, but later found out she thought I wasn't interested as i hadnt been forward enough.

Age 18/19 - I transferred to another, high-ranking university. This was the best year of my life in social terms - until some of my new friends met some people from my school that undoubtedly knew of my reputation.

My mental health from this point has been a rollercoaster. Despite being an entirely different, and 1000% improved person to the horny kid behind the keyboard aged 13, i battled and tried to ignore a deep anxiety about my reputation. Upon reflection, i was terrified that people knew about my mistakes and would think of me as a creep. I became withdrawn, despite having never even heard a word about my past at university, and eventually drifted from many of my new friends. Around this time, I drifted from my school friends as well and entered into a relationship with a girl that could not possibly have known of me.

Age 19-23 - I stayed in this relationship for a long time, but constantly battled anxiety whenever I saw anyone that could possibly have a preconception about me - so essentially anyone I considered 'cool'. At this point, although I was almost a decade beyond my 'real' teen mistakes, I suffered daily. Eventually I split with my girlfriend as I realised I was using her as a crutch, and i tolerated many red flags so that i could avoid my problems. I had lots of friends, but on the inside i was hurting with striking regularity. I started my dream job, but soon the pandemic began and my past became utterly magnified as i moved back to my childhood bedroom whilst working from home.

Age 25 - as the pandemic eased, I moved to my capital city, and made it a priority to reconnect with people. This went great, until last night. I met with a group of old work friends - and all was well until i heard a few of them whispering. I called them out, and they asked if I knew a particular individual they lived with. I did not - and I looked them up to check.

They were from my school. 

My friend said that this individual knew 'a lot' about me - I have never met this person. I brushed it aside at the time and went on with the night, but today i have been on the edge of a panic attack all day.

These demons have been chasing me for over a decade - how do I get over them?