So I (39M) have just had a session with my psychologist. My psychologist thinks that there is a 17yo driving me. I agree with her after the past few days.

I have dissociated for the most of the past few days. Anytime I sense reality I go into panic mode. Today it was like a ton of bricks falling on me. I couldn't do mindfulness, I couldn't do anything.

I am avoiding my family because I am ashamed of who or what I am. This includes my 5yo son. I just want out. I have had enough and I need something. I am currently hiding from reality in a hospital as there nothing I can. 

The 17yo in me has taken over and I don't want the wheel back. I see past him at times to be able to make these comments but that's it. I know he is driving to protect me from shit that is going on.

I am so lost much like this post sorry