Basically, I'm going through a lot of shit with my girlfriend of a few months.  Last weekend, I hadn't heard from her for about a week or so (very odd).  I didn't do anything really to cause her to go no contact, so I assumed she was losing interest in me (I was hiding most of the stuff about me from her to protect her and I came across as boring even to myself).  Basically, I sent out one of those texts.  You know the type.  The emotionally manipulative ones that warrant a response.  I laid the guilt on hard.  It really was like "Evil Brain Angel Heart," because I didn't want to bother her, I didn't want to guilt her, but there was a part of me that was telling me that it was the only way to keep her from abandoning me.  And she responded.  Her excuse was that she was incredibly busy with work.  And we talked.  I talked for the first time about my issues.  When I mentioned the actual diagnosis, I thanked her for responding and that it meant a lot.  I never heard back after that.  Granted, it was a decent way to end the conversation.  

I attempted to text her for the first time since then last night.  I had figured that a week+ of no contact on my part would only benefit me.  Just a simple, "How are you doing?"  I never heard back.  And right now, I hate her.  I just wish she would goddamn respond with a definitive answer and stop trying to protect my fucking feelings.  If she wants to break up, fucking tell me.  If she wants to just be left alone or she has work to do, just fucking tell me.  

Oh, how the hell did I find a way to fuck this one up?

Yeah, even when I was waiting to hear back last night, I was still in good spirits.  I don't know whether just sitting here right now with nothing to do is what is making me go crazy, but I'm so pissed at her right now, and I'm pissed at myself as well.  I miss my old girlfriend, who broke up with me because I'm an emotional roller coaster and she was an emotional roller coaster as well and couldn't handle my bullshit.  Ugh.  I hate myself.  Look at the sad piece of shit I've become again.