I'm unemployed
Broken up
Living in a city where I have no friends 
My family is abroad 
I'm totally isolated but my thoughts don't leave me alone 

I've been dealing with anxiety related to my job search and uncertainty about the future but at the same time I have also been trying to come to terms with my breakup. I've purposely started avoiding my friends and I have deactivated my social media because I don't want to see what my ex is upto or see other people have a good time and get triggered.

 I'm avoiding my friends because last week when I shared how I felt about my (ex), I was told that while I know the relationship isn't great, I am choosing to stay in it and I always continue to forgive him. Therefore I've decided I don't really want to share my grief with them as I am being judged for my choices. I'm having a hard time trying to deal with it alone and copy with my feelings. 

I do these things to keep myself occupied - Netflix, apply to jobs, read, workout, journal, cook and sing. But somehow I am feeling worthless and unmotivated. 

I also feel like I am emotionally dependent and extremely indecisive. I want to work on being more self reliant when it comes to matters of the mind and in areas of decision making. 

Any ideas on how I could manage my grief better and also learn how to rely on my self in stressful situations?