I did something bad. I usually attach a sob story to explain why I'm a piece of shit, but I'll drop it straight up. I shared a nude on a weird site. I came and told her out of guilt and I first thought we could work it out. She said that this was the last straw because she now realized how much of an asshole and bad boyfriend I was. She said a lot of things I didn't know I was like manipulative and "gaslighter". She said it's unforgiveable, which I can't deal with because I don't even want to be with her. I wish I was never with her because I am terrible. It's been almost 2 years and I can't part with the guilt and the nightmares. I have to stay up nights and can't get shit done. I have had trouble accepting that I need to die. I just wanted her to say she's happy now (she is) and that she doesn't hold hate for me (she does so fuck). I wish she just fully embarassed me or reported me. I asked her to put a civil case on me so I can move on with some sort of punishment. I can't live with myself. I guess this is the torture I need. I really just do not want to kill myself; it is truly the last thing I want.