I (22, F) just finished college with pretty high grades in a pretty difficult degree that would get me a good job. I was accepted onto a masters programme I dreamed of doing for years and I am starting in September. I also recently lost over 2 stone and am much healthier. I live with my boyfriend, I work in a part time job I hate because working full-time will not be possible for me in September with my masters studies. I worked extremely hard for all of this! 

However I feel like absolute shit. I wake up everyday and I just want to die. I feel incredibly ungrateful. I had a rough time from around 12 until I was 19, things kind of sorted themselves out after that. I suffered with depression severely as a teenager, which involved self harm etc. I have been in therapy but where I live it is not easily accessible. I feel so alone in this, my boyfriend is as supportive as one can be, but I always find myself being short and rude to him which is awful. I have apologised a lot but I feel like I can’t help it. I cry every day. How can I have everything I want but still feel so empty. Some days I feel nothing. I just feel sad. I am very active, I do everything that is advised to help with depression. I went to the doctor as a teenager seeking help for it but was always brushed off. I am worried about being medicated. Today has been so rough, where I live is so grey and it has been raining for weeks, it isn’t helping.

I don’t know why I’m posting this, nobody close to me knows what to say to me, I just want this out of my brain for a while. Sorry, I don’t post on reddit much.