About 2 years ago my family began to fall apart at the hands of my emotionally abusive father (although used to be physical when very young)
I became depressed, self harmed and tried to kill myself (which I managed to cover up)

Recently I've been rebuilding a respecting relationship with my father. My fear for him has gone, but when I see him I feel grief for other traumas that happened around the same time he abused us. 
Yet my life has actually become really good, I'm stable, focused and have good friends and a girlfriend. 

But I've spent the last two days (in bed) living exactly as I used to, and feeling the exact same way. I have support, but I feel like I must close myself off, burn all bridges and cut myself to pieces again. This is a sudden unexpected tist from living a stable positive lifestyle.

The very few things I used to do to pass time appeal to me now and I'm mimicking the same person I was 2 years ago. A twisted part of my mind almost wants to go back to my old internalised and isolated lifestyle, and destroy myself again.

I don't understand why these reminders are tearing me from reality and making me live my old life, I feel confused and wary of everyone. I'm scared that I'm making myself go back to how I was.

What is happening to me? Is there a name for this/how can I alleviate it?