I'm so tired of living like this.

I can't be in a relationship with anyone; I can hardly keep my friends. I hate myself for all of the ways I've hurt people in the past, but I keep messing up, and no one is able to help me.

I sabotage all of the good things in my life.

I keep coming so close to doing dangerous things. I have done some of those things and I hate myself for it.

No one ever knows how to respond to or help me.

I hate myself for hating my friends who didn't do anything wrong. They go from being the only person I want to talk to and being perfect to being someone I hate for something as stupid as simply sending me one message when I don't want to talk to anyone.

If I don't push people away, I just end up hurting them. I can't stand being alone but I can't stand the guilt either.

I hate myself for going through 1000+ posts on someone's social media account and finding everything I can about them online, looking for anything about me because I need to see just how much I hurt them.

I don't understand why nothing ever helps. Of course I was right; I'm broken. There are so many things going on and I can't deal with it anymore. I want some sort of advice but I know no one is going to say anything that's actually helpful, if they even say anything at all.

All of the things I say about myself are true. I desperately want someone to tell me I'm wrong but I know I won't believe them. Everything about me is broken.