Looking for support and encouragement. 

Does anyone have any experience with BPD and weight loss?  

For years, I was very thin without trying. I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day. I only stopped smoking when my undiagnosed digestive disorders made my stomach upset. Chronically upset. Even after quitting smoking, I struggled constantly with eating enough calories. I was either too nauseous to eat or vomiting. It was a bad situation.

Eventually I had my gallbladder removed and was diagnosed with gastroparesis when my symptoms didn't improve post-op. 

I continued to waste away, crying at the mere sight of food. Going out with friends became a hellish nightmare. I would pick at whatever I ordered, assuming I didn't cancel because I nearly threw up driving over. Every time I stepped on the scale I cried. I kept losing weight and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. 

As a side note, gastroparesis is a rare condition without many treatments. One medication is advised only for temporary use, as it can cause irreversible tremors. The risk of that happening goes up with every dose you take after 12 weeks. 

The other medication isn't even legal in the United States because it can cause sudden cardiac arrest.

Luckily, my ex came across an atypical antidepressant (mirtazapine that stimulates gastric emptying. For many, it's a side effect they hate because it causes weight gain. Nearing 100 lbs, I was desperate. 

When I began the medication, it was like a new lease on life. Suddenly I could eat without wanting to vomit! My stomach actually rumbled and I experienced normal hunger, every 3-4 hours. Like everyone else. I was ecstatic to exist in a world where food was no longer impossible.

Unfortunately, redefining a healthy relationship with food has been hard. Before, eating itself became its own punishment. I was thin effortlessly. 

When I began my BPD journey, I turned to binge eating. I am now 10 lbs overweight--the heaviest I have ever been in my adult life. 

After the holidays ended, I vowed to change this. I have been using My Fitness Pal and watching my portions meticulously. I am cooking at home now and bringing my lunch. I regularly go to the gym, but this has always been the case. My failure to lose weight has largely resulted from binges. 

Unfortunately, whenever I seem to lose weight, I'll have a bad 2-3 days of binging and put it right back on. Like other aspects of BPD, when things are going well, I seem to ruin them. :(