i was diagnosed with bpd about a year ago. i get these really strong feelings of wanting to be heard or seen, and wanting to visit my hometown again very soon to show off my successes (i’ve lost a lot of weight in the last year, moved away, started a good college course and am generally looking like i’m doing very well). these great feelings of wanting to conquer come with a god-like mentality, which is nothing new to me. 
but after a really hard year i moved away from home and bettered myself to get away from everything that happened, &amp; i’m a person who’s very motivated by spiting those who’ve wronged me. but i get these overwhelming feelings of wanting to disappear, mostly from the minds of others, however i can. in the last year or so i’ve kept very quiet and rarely ever post on social media or speak to many people anymore, but it seems to bother me that i still exist in the minds of others and that people think about me. it actually makes me feel very anxious when any sort of attention is on me. to clarify, i haven’t any intention of disappearing by means of suicide or running away, its more of a desire to get as much attention as possible off of me. just wondering if anybody else feels the same?