I never officially graduated from university. No. One. Knows. And it hurts so much to see all these posts this year about people moving on with their lives, posting grad pics. I couldn't walk the stage. My friends did and had their moments and laughed with each other and I was in a total hellscape in my room trying not to kill myself. Like how dumb of me

My last semester, last year was a shit show. I had to take 19 hours. Failed classes. Like I was getting 50s on exams consecutively despite only doing schoolwork during the day. Was horribly depressed. 

My lease ended and could not afford to stay so I took the classes I could online - 

but there was a one credit hour class I failed on a technicality of not turning an assignment in. Since I got a B on the midterm and A on the final and got As on all the other assignments, I thought I would be cruising with a 78 minimum.  I was wrong and prof failed me. I didn't find out until grades were in what my grade even was. And then he never answered my emails. I had begged for an incomplete and even ended up doing the assignment but to no avail. Over 130 hours, poof. With a wave, just gone. 

One credit hour away from graduating and no one knows. I have been working and doing an internship but I feel like the biggest failure and fraud right now. My parents would freak and either ship me off to my home country or disown me. I told none of my friends. I have been living with this weight for a year trying to figure out what to do. The guilt and anxiety from this has had the worst grip on me. I lost like ten pounds, can't sleep without drugs. My jaw clenching got so bad that my face looks like a different person's from last year to this year. A different nightmare each night.

My parents are immigrants and I was supposed to be that golden, first-gen child that made their move to America worth it. I became the worst investment for them.

I found out I have u colitis on top of this. I feel like I have been living my literal nightmare. I just needed to get through the degree, to show myself I could do it, and I couldn't even do that. I have no idea what to do. I can't keep a single promise to myself anymore. Not even to at least take a freaking shower.