A lot of other groups do this,  so I thought we could give it a shot and see how folks feel. 


I don't post much in the BPD subreddit, but I read nearly everyone's posts. I have a bit of an odd (it seems) version of BPD in that I am 85% asymptomatic most of the time.  However,  once I enter either periods of consistent high stress or following a single stressful event, I "flare" in a big way.  College was one big shit pile for me,  leading to multiple suicide attempts by my senior year and two psychiatric stays.  Once college was done,  and I mean within days,  my since-puberty insomnia disappeared,  I haven't needed my meds in 9 months with the exception of TWO days (I can successfully take Wellbutrin as a PRN), and I work a full 40 hours in customer service with a smile on my face.  

I anticipate much of this changing once I begin teaching in June and am prepared to seek a psychiatrist for monitoring and medication to keep my moods stable. 

Today,  though,  I am just flat out having a bad day.  I was diagnosed with lupus a few months back,  and today I have more of an all over ache that feels like the flu setting in.  If I'm lucky it'll just  be a cold, but I have to warn my boss of the possibility of not being able to walk for two days later this week (my job requires 5-8 miles of walking each day). 

I'm angry,  I'm irritable,  and I have a short fuse with my somewhat irritating coworker who,  while he is frustrating,  doesn't need to bear the brunt of my aggravation. This is all likely due to PMSing since I experience this is a big way every time for a few days,  and I'm about due.  

The BPD just likes to jump in on the complain train by injecting emotions of loneliness, inadequacy, self-doubt, and all that other fun stuff, and I want to shut down.  I can't - I often run the sales floor while I am here - but I want to.  Days like today are days when I ask to go home an hour or two early (it's happened once previously in my 7 months of working here,  but the cashier couldn't make it in today,  so my warm body is needed. 

I need to start stocking this place with tea. 

And because being positive helps,  here's my one good thing so far today: my husband and I had sex (he has major depression and struggles with it except early in the morning when he's half asleep), and that was awesome. 

How about you? How is your day going? And remember to share one positive thing so far.