So, along with everyone here, I’m sure you’ve been told countless times “exercise is a key component when working with anxiety.” I don’t disagree with that statement, and I fully support it, along with a healthy diet and working with your doctor. 

So, on Monday, I told myself I would get up extra early and participate with a ‘wake up yoga video’ to help me wake up and to also start my healthier living journey. Well... I got maybe 7 minutes into the stupid video and... well, as the title may had given it away, panic set it. Something didn’t feel right. I was in downward dog and decided to stop. I sat up and could feel my heart racing and my breathing felt ‘wrong’ whether my breathes were too short and weak or I was not letting enough oxygen into my body to help my blood catch up, something felt wrong. Almost instantly I was overwhelmed with this urge to stop everything and yet at the same time, I couldn’t as my speeding locomotive brain wouldn’t stop thinking. Then the full blown panic and anxiety set in. My heart rate had to be close to 120 bpm, my thoughts were disoriented and were not clear, my breathing was weak and short with rallied small breathes, I had tunnel vision along with vertigo and my stomach felt awful. I caved and resorted to my Ativan as I couldn’t seem to come back down to earth. 

I have set an appointment with my doctor for next week to talk to him about starting an antidepressant in relation to my anti anxieties as I can’t seem to do this on my own anymore. I have no clue wtf is wrong with me but I’m starting to get so angry and defeated... I just don’t know what else to do. 

My current goal is to be one of those people who dreads the gym for the simple act of doing it. Right now I’m terrified of the thought of inducing another panic attack, and I hate it so so much.