So this guy I found through Reddit. I met him and continued being friends because he was intelligent and funny. I was going through rough self harm time and he RESPECTFULLY broke up with me suggesting I should sort out my self first. So now, after several months of break, We got in touch. Met ONLY FUCKING 5 times, for whole fucking 5 days and I knew what's coming. To Top is off, he offered his help to get me out of my shitty life situation where I am stuck. So ladies and gentlemen, I had booked a 5 days holidays on a nice beach, in a nice aaprtment. I requested him to accept my invitation because I was so dying to spend time with him. He accepted invitation of a trip fully paid by me because reasons. whatever....

We had great time. It was on beach but I wont want to go out. All i want is sitting in his lap and hugging this cute, chubby, funny guy who gave worlds most comforting hugs. Who wont push me away or call me crazy. who awknowldged that am clingy but its not my fault. I felt like a stupid greedy child who doesnt want to get out of ice creams shop and want to eat all at once. Jist freaking hugs, Pulling his cheeks, and a lots of kisses. He had set his boundries, no sexual acts. and i somehow managed to respect boundries. But was I going not enough crazy??
Today end of trip, 5 hrs bus ride felt like 5 mins. I had such a great time after long time. We arrived in my city, had lunch and parted our ways. But I already want him with me. I want to shower everything I have on him. I wanna die for him. And when I think why...
because he comforted me
because he tolerated me
because he made me laugh
because he didnt ashamed me for being effection hungry.

But why Do i fall like this? why why why
Now i already know i dont wanna meet him again. I am afraid something will happen and my this dream will break. This happy ending will turn ugly. He will also leave me and callme crazy. I would rather never meet him again than losing him. God, I am crying... i cant take this pain
Why I am so greedy. I wanted to cry and die in tjst hug. Why it all happens again and again! 