*trigger warnings* 

I'm tired. Just so tired of feeling this way. Feeling like I'm never going to grow as a person and finally be who I want to be. Who I feel that I am. I've loved and cared for a man for 9 years of my life, starting at 16. Been through thick and thin, hell and heaven. I've helped him throughout his Lukemia Cancer of 3 yrs, supported him when we went through school and with getting his license... I've watched him progress through life and never even thought that of myself. My life was build on him. Around him. His friends and family were my friends and family.... The only family I had prior to him was my mom and grandma. Most of my family is dead or strangers who live far away.... Well, in 2020 when all hell broke loose and shit hit the fan for everybody, we ended up breaking up. He was in college already and succeeding in life.
 He decided I wasn't good enough for him. His family, most of them disowned me too. Just his grandpa and niece miss me but they live far away....

So because I focused my entire life around this man and making sure he succeeded, I avoided myself. The consequence of that is now I'm a 25 yr old women who still lives with her mom, with no license or sense of independence. I've got PCOS, I've gained weight and just feeling overall too ugly to start another relationship again. I'm suffering with crippling anxiety and depression that had me finding quick ways to end it all. It's got me feeling useless as it's put me on disability. I feel like it's either my life is just now starting, or it had just stopped.