Im up and thinking about exs, and I noticed a patterned.   All the exs I was in love with had some kind of untreated mental disorder. 

Whether it was my ex with bipolar undiagnosed for 5 years 

Or an ex of 8 months who had D.I.D.  

Why do I feel the most needed in this relationships?   As much as I hate those relationships when they were bad...

I never felt bored or restless.   

I liked my 5 year exs mania if im gonna be honest.   It was like, my bpd dream of how being showered in love should feel.  

  Even though he just cursed me out and threw a candle at my head last night, today, he is singing to me, and taking me shopping and kissing me every 10 minutes, all these devotions of love.   And the sex

But the week after the high, ughhhh...I hated it

But I was addicted to how he loved me in his mania (now that im older, I understand that was what it was)

With the other ex, it was like I had something to fix.  Why do we always wanna fix things when we are experiencing impulsiveness.  

 His d.i.d and his child alter made me want to protect him.   Forever and ever and ever.  

Until one of his hoe personalities popped up and he inviting exs to his party like this bout to be his Harem

Why are we so attracted to unstable relationships 

Its like, rocky, toxic, unhealthy kinda of obsession for me

Or single and lonely, don't talk to me, I hate people

But still, a piece of me, feels absolutely normal in the ensuing chaos of a toxic relationship and sometimes I miss having it. 

Is that bad lmfao