Is this really my life? How am I ever going to find a bf if I’m this fucking fat? I miss when I was having beer for dinner and not eating at all and could fit into clothes I wore in high school.

And my meds don’t fully control my mood swings. Why don’t I just get off of them and get back to a weight I like? I can’t stand looking at myself or going outside anymore. I just want die. I’m tired of this. Antidepressants are the only thing that’s actually worked for getting me out of these depressive episodes but I hate hate hate the way I look. I want to be happy AND thin. On top of my meds I have PCOS so it’s even harder for me to lose weight because of my hormones.

I weighed myself for the first time in months. I shouldn’t have done that. I have a closet full of clothes that don’t fit. I barely have food because I refuse to buy any. I’m so pissed off. 

I don’t want advice. I would like positive reassurance. I’ve been off my meds for over two days now can’t stop crying at my reality.