I hate myself. I feel like a failure to myself and my family. I have been out of work the past two weeks due to one of my kids basically being on suicide watch. But he won't go to his PHP program he is enrolled into. My other two kids are also on antidepressants, and I don't know how to help my kids be better other than supporting them and trying to encourage them to use the help they have been given.

I'm about to be behind on rent, and if you are more than a week late, they begin drawing up papers for eviction. I'm a month behind on my truck payment, two months behind on internet and power, and both my wife and mine phones are off. Using the house wifi until that's off too.

Been going to the food bank for the past three week, and donating plasma to feebly try to put gas in the truck and take care of incidentals. I don't know what to do... I've put in for help for rent from the county, that could take up to ten days to get a response. 

I can't get help from kids to help clean the house, cuz depression. The wife is unavailable to do much around the apartment due to recovering from surgery due to complications from COVID back in February. 

I really don't know what to do. I need help, and I don't know how to get it. We can't move in at moms, she already has a full house, housing my brothers. The in-laws are trying to help as best they can from a thousand miles away, sending us money and setting up a crowd funding thing, but the funding has had little traction, and the money they send either goes in gas or to pay to do laundry.

I genuinely even thought about whoring myself out, or killing myself for life insurance to take care of my family, but I wouldn't know how to start the first, and I feel like my kids need a dad more than money, but I don't want us to be "in-between housing."

Please, if anyone has any resources, phone numbers or whatever to call that can help us, that would be incredible. 

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this.