I'm new to the community, though not new to BPD. I've lived with it my whole life, though I didn't get an official diagnosis until about two years ago. I've also been diagnosed with Bipolar II, Social Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and PTSD. I've also been struggling with symptoms of Agoraphobia, though I haven't been officially diagnosed with that yet.

In spite of all my various issues, there are days when I genuinely love being me and enjoy my own company. Today is not one of those days. I'm feeling kind of lost and isolated, and like I don't matter. I'm trying very hard not to let the even darker thoughts start to creep in, because I literally cannot afford to have another breakdown. The last bad one resulted in a particularly nasty self-mutilation episode and a trip to the ER for stitches. 

I was seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist for a while, and was prescribed medicine, but I can't afford to go anymore, and I've been taking far lower than the recommended dosages of my medication because I'm trying to make them last, as I can't afford to refill them.

I desperately want to work, but the job market is pretty dismal in my economically depressed area, and even when I get an interview, I have a hard time explaining the gaps in my employment. How do you explain to a prospective employer that you took six months off working because you were literally afraid to leave your apartment during that time, and weren't eating or sleeping and had a psychotic break? Who would hire someone with those kinds of problems? I'm not even sure I can blame them. Not even my college degree and above-average intelligence can compensate for that kind of crazy.

Sorry for the rant. This just seemed like a safe place to do it. I don't expect anyone to have any answers for me. Sometimes it just feels good to vent.