ive had severe depression and most likely other mental problems all my life &amp; only has gotten worse and left completely untreated as no one took me seriously at all whenever i asked for help. had to drop out of highschool at 7th/8th grade with my grades A's going straight to Fs due to mental health and bullying and abuse. ever since then i havent been able to mentally age at all and i basically turned into a shutin and a failure of a human being.  
i'm 20 now and under the last 2 years ive lost both of my parents, and living with completely different people and a different life, yet i still havent grown up or progressed at all nor do i have any friends anymore or anyone to speak to and i have absolutely no idea how to make new friends or communicate with others. im not likeable or interesting at all and im not funny. ive lost motivation for any interest or hobby ive had and even if i try to get back into them or find new ones they become dull and bothersome eventually and i have nothing again. i only have my cat who is the only thing i still have emotional attachment to and the only reason im still here and i dont know what to do if something happens to her in the future. im only either empty and dull or crying a lot and i dont know who i am anymore.  
i just want to end it all because it would be easier to and less of a burden for everyone, but im too coward to go through with it nor do i have anything to do it with in the first place. but i dont know how to even start moving foward, especially during covid so i havent even been able to get a therapist or any type of help. i cant function as a human being at all and im scared that if i keep going like this im going to get kicked out, or that its already too late for me to fix anything and im going to be alone miserable like this forever. i severely hate myself and wish i wasnt so incompetent and that i didnt screw up every part of my life, especially since i thought i would be dead by now. and i really should be. im sorry to everyone for turning out such a pathetic failure