Hope I am welcome here. 

I am the ex of someone who has BPD, and who broke up with me really suddenly. From what I understand this person had a difficult childhood, lots of abuse and neglect. Was frightened to get close to me, and when we did get close (three times) I was pushed away, often in ways that would hurt me. 

I understand the inner workings that cause these actions, and I do of course feel angry sometimes, but a lot of the time I get it. It's not something that can be controlled. 

I've spent a lot of time wondering whether this person even thinks about me - do they feel bad? Do they regret it? Do they hate me? I have no idea. This person hasn't spoken to me for months, and was ignoring any attempt I made to try and sort things out. 

I have to see them in October at university. I don't really want to. I feel I'm going to be ignored. So much time and distance has passed. I feel like I don't even know this person anymore. It's sad.

I feel like we could have really had something. Things were seemingly going well - this person always told me they sabotaged relationships, but I guess I didn't think it would really happen. Sometimes I think, well, perhaps their feelings were just too strong so they ran away. Other times I think I'm just not good enough for them. It's been difficult to get my head around.

I miss this person every day, yet it feels as if they've just disappeared. Not really a point to this post. Reddit is the only place I feel I can be among people that understand this stuff, I guess.