Me and my ex-GF broke up for good last week on Tuesday and I've been a complete mess since. I broke up with her and I regret it so badly, but during the relationship we both agreed that it was unhealthy and we shouldn't be together, but she was mad when I broke up with her last week. I've been trying to keep in contact with her and I know it's bad, but trying to get back with her, but she just wanted to be friends (how can you be friends that quickly with somebody you "love"?) I really didn't like the idea, then she mentioned not talking at all. Then we stopped talking again for a few days because I freaked out and said she doesn't really care about me or love me and blocked me. I was a mess. I love her so much, but yesterday she said she never wants to speak to me again to my friend and when I was apologising and wanted to talk to her one last time, she just said, "that's unfortunate." She was acting so cold and it was so upsetting. She was telling my friend how toxic I was in the relationship and basically making out it was only all my fault why it was bad when she was toxic and manipulative, too (saying she wanted to kill herself on Instagram after every dispute we had and saying if I hung out with my ex-BF, who's only a good friend to me and has a girlfriend and nothing more, she'd leave me). So I feel like a horrible, shitty person that doesn't deserve anybody and now I've lost the love of my life.. I asked her what behaviours I did that was toxic so I could avoid making the same mistake in the future and she blocked me. I self-harmed because I was in too much distress. I was apologising like crazy to her beforehand and she was acting really cold. It really hurt me and I couldn't cope with the pain. I used a razor on my left arm and face. My face looks really bad atm, so I won't be going out for a while. My mum saw and got furious with me but she's contacting the doctors to see what they can do for me. I've never self harmed like this before and I just know it's going to become a habit because it took away all of my emotional distress since I was focused on how sore my arm and face was instead and felt numb inside... I'm a complete mess and don't know what to do... I'm not sure if the doctors will be able to help..