This doesnt require a response. Its more an angry vent directed at myself

All my life ive yearned for people to understand why i am the way i am. Why i manipulate. Why i scream and shout. Why i rage. Why im a victim. That they should research why i am this way. They HAVE TO accept me. Im entitled to be loved to.

Well, actually, they dont have to accept my behaviour, its not justified. BPD isnt an excuse. It might be a "reason", but people dont have to accept abuse because of that reason!! They dont have to accept anything if they dont want to.

I am the one who needs to change. People say "oh but you cant help it"... i can though!! "Its not your fault" yes it is!! I am the one who is doing these things. Theres no one with a gun to my head telling me to be a dick. Im in control of my actions!! 

Its 100% possible for me to recover yet im sat here all entitled expecting everyone to bend around me because im a "poor victim of childhood abuse." 

Jesus christ i am a cunt. I literally am everything the stigma is about