 I am pretty convinced I am BPD with some NPD traits as well and it’s caused a lot of chaos in my life. I’ve burned so many bridges and sabotaged so many relationships. I’m 31/F now and the gravity of all my past shitty behavior has taken such a toll on me and I feel like a shell. 

I’m currently in a relationship that I’m trying to make work- they know I have BPD and want to work with me but have rightfully demanded I get help. Help with emotion regulation and extreme guilt and navigating the relationship I’m in currently while processing a lot of past trauma is my main goal but it feels overwhelming. Some of the trauma from my past is pretty extreme. 

I’ve had issues with identity, honesty and playing the victim and I want to change that- I want to be forthcoming and transparent. 

From what I have read, BPD recovery is rare and a lost cause from people who have been hurt by pwBPD but I hope there is some hope for me. 

So I’m trying to find a therapist who has dealt with this before and can recognize these traits and has seen successful outcomes.

It’s so hard to see a light at the end of this tunnel when 31 years of my life seem like a total fraud and sham and I don’t know who I am. 

TLDR: has anyone recognized and recovered from BPD in their 30s successfully? How did you manage guilt? How did you find yourself?