yay just had my first therapy session and i feel like shit. My therapist told me I’m not cooperative because I can’t focus and answer their questions properly. They didn’t seem interested and I just felt bad and invalidated. The entire session i felt not understood, judged and exposed ha ha… and at some point I just started feeling like I’m lying and making stuff up even tho I wasn’t. 

I get it, I absolutely suck at communicating my thoughts BUT man it would’ve reeeeeaally helped if they acknowledged that and tried to work with me instead of thinking that I’m wasting time on purpose. 

I know I’m tough to deal with. I can’t express myself I can’t remember anything or answer questions appropriately. I’m a mess but like who is supposed to help me i feel so lost. 

At the end they just confirmed my diagnosis and talked abt dbt. I FEEL like i still have a LOT of unanswered questions. and now im curled up in my closet trying to disappear. i feel embarrassed and stupid and i never want to ask for help or talk to anyone ever again.

ALSO my therapist knows my psychiatrist personally so yeah idk why but i dont feel safe anymore. I know I won’t be sleeping tonight. I’ve always thought that therapy is the answer but yeah. no. never again. i hate myself.
 

Sorry for rambling I know it’s a mess. I just want the bad feelings to go away. Also I’m okay with advice.