Hey everyone, I would really be grateful if I could get your insight/interpretation on the person I am currently dealing with and have been dealing with for about 6 years. 

The girl I am currently in a weird situation has BPD and also went to rehab for substance abuse last year. I'm happy that she seems to be clean now. The situation is rather complex but she is the ex girlfriend of my boyfriend. A lot of messy things happened between us (because of her actions). Before my boyfriend and I were, I guess, super official, she invited him on holiday with her family and he went. 

To cut a long story short

* she sent me texts from his phone, messages like photos of her sitting next to him and her swearing at me
* telling me I should text my bf to let him know I want to talk to her 
* sending me an audio message of her just laughing at her trying to pronounce my surname badly on purpose
* ended up coming onto my boyfriend and being rejected by him 
* and many more! 

Throughout the years, I had a really bad time trying to deal with the things she did to me. They were just like the above, really childish. I asked my bf that he end his friendship with her because it hurt me still and he agreed it would be the best thing for us. He ended up doing that and letting me listen to their call. She told him to be careful of me, because I'm so horrible and manipulative and that if he did end their friendship, she would self harm. She kept saying the latter quite a lot to him. 

Now last year, after many years had passed. I reached out to her. It took her about two or three weeks to reply but when she did, she said she was glad that I did because she had thought about it too but decided that my boyfriend and I probably needed space away from her (which I thought was v healthy of her). We started talking, she said she thinks I'm really nice, cool, etc and that we have a lot in common and that she never doubted the fact that we would be really good friends. 

It's a weird situation but I told her that I wanted to talk about what happened on the holiday because I'm undergoing trauma therapy rn and it would be helpful since the situation traumatised me and made my other traumas worse. 

She agreed and was more than willing to talk and help in any way. But when I asked her things about the holiday she was on the defence a lot. Then I told her what she did and she told me that she **doesn't remember** doing any of it at all. She hung up the phone. She later told me that it was too much for her and she had to. I understand that. 

But even though that happened, we carried on talking a lot. But recently I noticed that she had begun to retreat and not respond to me as much anymore. She'd send me a few messages back but then months would go by without her saying anything to me. So I just left her be, until she contacted me again. We had a conversation and bam. Again -- ghosted. I ended up sending her a voice note saying that I'm not really sure what is happening, and that I've noticed a pattern in our conversations that is like this and that if we are to be friends, I need to not be in a situation like this so often without an explanation of what happened. I told her that I'm not saying this as a super negative thing, it's just coming from a person who feels like they want a friendship with her and that I care about her. I have looked out for her needs so much but in the end, I also need to look at mine too. Anyway, she hasn't replied to me as of yet but :

I am wondering, are there any things that I can do in order to make this situation more balanced and healthier? and is there something here in her behaviour that I cannot see? 

tysm if you read all of this lol