I had a psychosis or my doc called it pre-psychosis recently and it also reminded me of my past and that I got sexually abused. 

Right now though I am suffering from diarrhea and stomach pains and I just want to be healthy again.. it all started few weeks ago that I suddenly had to throw up and ever since then I have been suffering from a bloating stomach, stomach pain and I had to fart all the time.

I am going to the doc again on monday but I feel like I am getting worse instead of better and I am kind of at my end emotionally. That I got reminded of my past again also makes it worse to be honest.. I just don't know how to deal with everything. I feel like noone can help me. The doc I talk to frequently tells me to have a new partner and a new relationship but he doesn't realize just how much I suffer and am not really able to get that close to anyone again neither trust someone more than in a friendship way. I really want to have a realtionship and a Partner again but I suffer all the time, either its because I am really sick, the paranoid schizophrenia, or the past wherein I survived trauma. It is too much, I need help..