I've never posted in here. I don't know what this post is even about as such. Had my diagnosis for about 10 years. Had 3 years of therapy that ended in November. Also came off my anti psychotics. And now on just anti depressants and meds for anxiety. I'm not sure about the terminology everyone uses (seen splitting alot, but not sure what it means). I guess this post is just like my thoughts and feelings I guess?I feel myself starting to spiral. Not to the point where I'm having thoughts of un-aliving or SH. Just how much easier it would be. I also can't be bothered to do anything. Not even necessarily productive. But ANYTHING. Cba to watch TV. Or go to sleep. Or watch you tube. Found myself endlessly scrolling on Reddit for a distraction. But also if I have to leave the house I actually enjoy it. If like my bf asks to take me out or what ever I genuinely look forward to it. And enjoy it when I'm out. But I also can't find the motivation to leave the house or do things off my own accord. 

When I explain things to people I also try and make it seem "visual" to them. There's time where I'm not sure if I'm overthinking etc so I say that's the BPD side of my brain... and there's a alot of things at the moment that I'm not sure if I'm thinking like that because of my BPD. 

I have a very good support network around me. But when I dont feel suicidal just in this weird place I don't exactly know what to say, or how to describe my feelings because I dont know myself. I don't know what's started the spiral so I can't fix it. So I just thought I would post here. Even if nobody reads it, it kinda feels like I've got it off my chest the fact that I think I'm struggling but not sure.