 I was diagnosed with BPD a few months ago. I’ve been dating a wonderful person since June/July. He treats me really good, spoils me, loves me unconditionally and his parents really like me. We started living together recently after both of us wanting it so bad. The first few weeks were okay as it was more of a sleepover every single night and then eventually moving in. In the last week I’ve been incredibly homesick. It first began with intrusive thoughts about something bad happening to loved ones (death) and then it’s just sort of turned into an empty pit of sadness. I miss my mom. I miss my room. I just miss everything about home. 

I’ve been feeling really smothered lately. Living with someone is really hard. Like harder than I had expected or thought to be. 

I’m questioning whether or not I still have feelings for this person and whether or not I even love them anymore. I’m not sure if this is all apart of the idealization/devaluing (splitting) part of BPD combined with the anxiety of change (moving out) and the homesickness. 

Either way, this is exhausting. I missed a day of medication and I feel like crying for hours on end. 