I feel so empty and lost. I had a “argument” idk a miss understanding with my baby daddy tonight. &amp; I feel like he just does stuff at times to really get my BPD going. 

I have been diagnosed now 2 years and he has taken a lot of my pain in and has felt my idolizing and de- idolizing. 

I’m trying so hard. The past few days I’ve been slipping into a out of control state of mind and feeling. 
Probably because my therapist got a new job and I won’t be working with her and it happened around Christmas the worst time of year for me and the company still hasn’t assigned a new person yet for me. And anyways. I tell him. Yo I’m in a place and it just seems like he digs into me after that and makes
Me want to fight. 


Tonight I took some deep breath’s and told
Him he has crossed my boundaries and I was very clear and said my sorrys and did the “text book” normal reaction for a normal person. And I wanted to have a good conversation. 


I quiet literally could feel myself slipping. I literally felt the light changing and me floating away. I just wanted to start crying and yell at him and call him names and tell him I’m taking our child and leaving and he can fuck right the fuck off. All over a stupid argument about $15 and a sassy comment I made. 

I’m literally on the verge of one argument from burning all this progress down. I feel a huge pit in my chest and I feel sick. 

It’s like I can’t sleep till I tel
Him I hate him and he’s worthless. Which I wouldn’t mean and would regret in the morning.

I just wish this shit would end sometime. It’s so hard living like this. 

I just want to have a normal
Fight without all the fireworks.