It's so frustrating to have the impulsivity and fear of abandonment and aching loneliness of BPD, coupled with the empty, bland, soul-crushing weariness and boredom of depression.

When the two combine forces, it takes away two great days at work and of self-progress, and just stains all the good feels and growth.

Now I'm just lost, upset I'm single, wanting to reach out to an ex I shouldn't, and devastating sad that I'm alone. 

I just want to Not have BPD, not be depressed, I want to be normal, for fucks sake. I don't want to have to endure a toxic relationship just for intensity of emotions because everyday healthy happiness doesn't feel real enough, and I don't want to feel like not being on a roller coaster means that I'm wasting my life.