I don’t think sex is a big deal and if I want to fuck someone that wants to fuck me, we’re going to fuck. Shortly after, I feel guilty about my impulsive behavior and just get so fucking weird around the person if I see then again just out, unplanned.. or when they call/text the next day. I’m not even sure how I come off, but I know it’s weird and that’s generally that.. and usually after a certain amount of time I don’t want to see them or their name pop up on my phone anyway, despite having like a two day period after the encounter where I “just know” we’re going to ride off into the sunset together followed by a minor depression upon realizing that shit isn’t happening.

I don’t have very many friends and have had even fewer relationships. I just literally cannot help this one night stand thing. Idk what my body count is, honestly. I am responsible enough to get tested, etc, but no matter how much I tell myself I’m not going to have sex with someone on the first date or wherever we happen to meet, it doesn’t matter.. and what’s fucked up is, if they’re a “gentleman” and don’t try to fuck me, then I become completely uninterested. I (30F) think I might just be a fuck boy, but I also SO desperately want to get married and start a family. Idk how to fix this. 

Sorry that was all over the place