I just figured it’s too late to heal from trauma (23 YO) when new trauma keeps appearing. 

This attempt will be passive. I just moved to a new city, finally left my abusive household and the BPD has let it be known that I wont get better at all, lol. By passive, I mean I will not go through immeasurable lengths to improve mentally or physically. I’ll continue to live my life as my body, my dreams and my personality decay over time. 

That’s my plan, honestly. I get to live until one day I don’t. I wont go to doctors, any kind. I won’t make friends either. I’ll slowly disconnect from my family in attempts to live a lonely life but try to make amends with my own self. However, I realize that my place in the world is irrelevant and at times bothersome, thus comes the decision of leaving wounds untreated in hopes of obtaining a domino effect.

… Make sense?