The year started and I simply had no motivation. My birthday is next month, I turn 24 but I don't care about it. I had my 1 year company celebration but I don't give a f*ck. I can smile about funny things but most of the time I'm just tired. I got sad tonight because I had a video call with my mom about my birthday and because of gifts and also my parents will buy me my PS5 when it is cheaper, after they haven't got one for 2 years now. That will be christmas maybe but I don't know if I will continue living until that. I feel guilty and that makes me also sad. I planned my suicide and my funeral, everything is ready, mentally I nearly feel ready. So I don't know what to do. I have a good life currently but this life takes soo much affort, I'm tired to always take my energy for it.