Hi everyone!

I (19 F) was officially diagnosed with borderline and bipolar early this year, I've been in and out of therapy since I was around 12 and am finally starting to make some serious changes with the help of DBT, medication, and a therapist who actually believes in me and holds me accountable. 

I am gaining a lot of insight around how I was pre-recovery. I've been in the same relationship since I was 16, and my boyfriend has been put through the thick of my undiagnosed mental illness- more than anyone else. Remembering my old behaviors almost makes me sick, and I feel a lot for my partner and what I put him through; I was not always a healthy girlfriend or person to be around. I was impulsively doing drugs, had a lot of abandonment issues with no ability to cope, etc etc etc. I have made an active choice to be honest with him about my past actions and also commit everyday to working around my warped perception of reality and thinking. I am choosing to apologize for the last three years by putting my all into recovery and being a healthier person with better coping skills. 

With that in mind, I wanted to ask how people have dealt with not feeling like the shittiest person ever during recovery- because I know getting caught in the guilt and self-hatred will bring me right back to square one. I want to learn how to forgive myself (as much as possible).