I used to live alone in a *very* small town (~5000) and even though drug dealers were everywhere and I felt unsafe leaving my house, I at least felt safe at home. But I moved in with a buddy and his parents in a bigger city so I have greater access to health care and I'm physically closer to friends and family. 

But now I've become the armchair therapist to *literally* everyone in the house, and yesterday something in me broke. My buddy is actually not too bad for leaning on me for support and I don't mind being there for him at all. But his fifty-something year old parents coming to me with their drama is getting to be a bit much. 

His mom has been madly head-over-heels in love with this dude in another country and has been planning to go meet him, but last night she pulled a 180 and said he's been lying to her and not treating her right and she's not going anymore. Something inside me just snapped, and the grip I had on my emotions is gone. 

After she talked to me about how she's not leaving the country anymore and he's broken her heart, I went to my room and sobbed. Not over her love lost, no. I sobbed and begged to myself, "what have I done?" Because moving here has turned out to be the most unhealthy decision I could have imagined. And while my buddy and his dad aren't so bad about boundaries, his mom is a bit of a sociopath and will likely emotionally manipulate the shit out of me if I try to set reasonable boundaries. 

I'm also in a situation where I'm financially under her thumb because I'm too sick to work, and I'm still working on getting an actual diagnosis so I can apply for disability. I have the specialist appointments set up, but it's a waiting game until I can get to them. Until then, I'm on basic income support and all but $50 goes to her at the start of every month. I've looked for work, but I can't do much with the severity of symptoms I have (it's likely fibromyalgia, but a primary care provider won't make that diagnosis hence the specialist appointments). 

So I can't even move out because I'm too broke, I feel like I can't escape the emotional rollercoaster, I hate myself for moving here, and I went from loving these guys to hating them really fucking fast.

Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far. I have an interview at Walmart next week and hopefully the type of job I've applied to do is a job I can handle with my pain and fatigue levels. I have a romantic interest who if things go well he may be looking at getting a place with me, so not all is hopeless. I'm just frustrated and I feel like cold toffee that just shattered.