If my bf knew I still talked to my fp it would be over.. but I can't stop. Im addicted to him. Its toxic and I've tried to quit multiple times now. I dissappear for months and don't talk to him then one day the need just hits me.. hard. I know what's going to happen and I know I'm slipping into my "summer phase" but I cant resist it. Of course he's upset and hurt that I would abandon him for months, not even letting him know if I was okay or not.. but eventually he gives in and says we can be friends again. He knows the darkest parts of my mind and shows me its okay. I share things with him I cant share with anyone else. The more I talk to him the more obsessed I become. Part of me just wants to tell my fp how much he means to me, but I hold back cause I know it would just make my feelings worse.. Im not sure how to deal with it. I just needed to tell someone and put it out there. In my own fucked up way, I love my fp and can't stop.