Just deleted all social media from my phone, Facebook and messenger, snapchat, Instagram, kept reddit because no one knows me here. It'll probably take a whole week before anyone notices I haven't replied to messages. 

My boyfriend/FP didnt turn up to my house AGAIN, simple look on his messenger and yet again he choose to get drunk/high and spend all his money on beer and not even have the decency to let me know he wouldnt be coming. This is only two days after a big fall out due to me waiting all day for him to find out he spent his money on weed and forgot all about me and only a day after his big apology about how he was gonna change along with videos of him smashing up his drug accessories saying he doesn't wanna be like that. Funny, the very next day he does the exact same thing of choosing alcohol over me. We haven't seen each other in the longest time and the last time was because I went to him. Why do i bother? Yet I cant leave him. My mother says I should stop being the one to try to save and change him, but if he has a legit problem maybe he cant help ditching me all the time to do these things with his friends instead. He insists he cares, and insists he's sorry. But I can name like at least 20 instances where his priorities have been fucked up. When I was seriously Ill and bedridden and the day he was free he told me he'd come to me ASAP I wait all day feeling horrible just to find out from his friend that he drank to much and had to go home, didnt even let me know he was gonna go meet his friends, just promised me he would walk to mine straight away. He doesn't even have a job to pay for these things, he hasnt taken me out in so long. Why cant I leave him? I pay for everything he wants, takeaways, I bring him food on a 30 minute journey, I've paid off his debts to drug dealers. 

No one really gives a fuck. I'm exhausted. I've split on one of my friends because the minute I joined my group of friends including her at someone's house she started talking about going home, then got her mum to pick her up basically instantly, it wasnt even late. Genuinely think she doesn't like me, what can I fucking do. 

My best friend who i trust is in Canada and I wont see her for a month, so I have legit no one to talk to. She only tells me I've changed anyway, badly, because I've grown up and it's not working in her way because shes not doing anything in her life like I am with college and my job. I dont wanna be on my phone in bed all day, going through the socials looking at everyone else's fun and happy lives and relationships. I've drawn the short straw. I dont know what to do anymore. I haven't had episodes like this in so long. I'm fucked.