We've been together for a year now, I had my birthday yesterday, and the past 3 days were awful for me, we actually had a fight couple of hours before my birthday, which just made me feel so shitty, yesterday, on the birth-day itself, after people left, I thought we were going to have sex, he said no, this just flipped me out, I felt so rejected, talking about having sex for 3 days and he just ignores it until I freak out.

There's this issue, we have sex once a week, which kinda makes me feel like crap, cause I either feel like he doesn't want me, is not attracted to me and the only reason he's with me is that we pay for the apartment together. I try a lot, but he's never in the mood, which makes me feel like the one time we have sex in a week, is "cause he feels like he owes me" or something.

I talked to him about this trigger, promising sex, then not having it.

I feel like sht, I feel abusive like I really push on him, I know he loves me but he is very very distant, as a person, he is just much "colder" than I am, I'm just an emotional bomb.

I'm so afraid I'll loose him, but I keep doing same mistake, I almost broke up with him couple of times, which was shocking for him, at the end everything comes together, but I'm afraid I'm at this pick where I'm just gonna do something really stupid, and he's gonna leave me and I'll just be so desperate I'll be doing very desperate things.

I'm just out of control jesus f c.