Growing up I always thought of myself as an "old soul". I always liked music from the 1920s-1940s, I would try to dress "older" and when I say "older" I mean like an old man (not exactly vintage, but I would try to find clothes that could pass as 1920s-1950s), I refused to dress like the other guys my age, I would reject all "modern trends". I would go to school in a fedora. Growing up I had no friends whatsoever, from elementary school to high school I didn't have not one friend because everyone thought I was weird and I was made fun of everyday for the way I was. I would go to school and come straight home everyday, lying in bedroom, and at lunch time at school I was alone everyday. I never had any experiences as a teenager, and it got to the point where I felt like I was "too good" to hang around with people at school and conform to their modern teenager trends.

My parents thought I was weird too, but I didn't listen to anyone, I just did my own thing, dressed how I wanted, and acted how I wanted. I 100% regret doing this, looking back I should have gave things a chance, I should have gave people a chance, I should have just been a normal kid/teenager. I'm 23 now and I'm finally realizing how bad that was, I'm finally realizing how stupid I was. Everybody was right about, I was weird and the sad part is, I didn't realize that until I was an adult (now). Now it's too late for me to live my youth, now I can't do the things I missed out on all because of my weirdness, and how badly I wanted to live like it was the mid 20th century. I cringe at my child and teenage self now. And I didn't realize how weird I was until recently, in the summer of 2021 I stopped the whole "mid century" thing. And now I am trying to conform to modern trends, and live in the present, and act young but I know it's too late, I'm nearly in my mid 20s and I'm getting older. I wasted my youth.