Today marks 30 days since I started feeling exhausted and empty of life. I ve been wondering about my health and I ve been paranoid and panicking for 30 days. Yesterday it stopped, I am not afraid anymore and I stopped questioning it every 30 seconds. Still, one thing didn’t go away, this feeling I can t even begin to describe. I can feel that it is a brain thing, I don t feel sick, I m not in any form of pain, it s just there with me even when I am not thinking of it I can feel it through my vision. It s like my sight has a new layer of something boring, life sucking, it is blocking any form of emotion. I can still laugh and make jokes but as I said, I permanently feel this thing around me and in me. It isn t even that major to stop me from doing my day to day activitiee but it is there and doesn t let me feel anything like I used to. I have never been depressed or anxios and i am 21 years old. Have you guys ever felt something similar? Did it go away? How do i cope with it?

A little background: my dear grandfather died in february but I didn t give myself much time to grief over it. I thought this is what I m feeling, grief. But I saw that even when I m totally not thinking about my childhood and grandparents, the sensation is still there. This last month has been full with high heart rates and anxiety and that feeling of fear in my chest or the butterflies in the stomach. I started working, my university drains me out of energy, and I just feel like I am a completely different human than I was 2 months ago

I am sorry if I didn t make myself clear, I am not the best at writing long texts :(