*TW for suicidal ideation later in the post* honestly didn’t know what tag to use I need to just vent and I also need support 

It might be time to say goodbye to my best friend in the whole world. I am so crushed and devastated, I’ve been sobbing on and off all day. He is 15 so I knew I had to prepare but I really don’t know how to cope with loss in a healthy way. I know it sounds dumb but my good boy has been my best friend for so long. I have made so many posts on here even, just saying how many times he has kept me from killing myself. I had to stay strong for him. But the idea of not having him almost physically hurts me, I feel gutted. I keep having passing thoughts of suicide because I feel so alone and so ill equipped for handling grief. I’m not actively suicidal so I think I’ll be okay but my heart fucking hurts.

He’s been to the vet several times in the past few months but his energy and bloodwork were still great so we were managing his health with meds, but last night was for something new and it just seemed like we hit a wall and then boom it declined rapidly and now he’s just going. He hasn’t been eating much for a while despite his energy being pretty good, but now he’s not eating at all except for his favorite junk food, French fries. We are having someone come to my apartment to evaluate his quality of life tomorrow.

I’m just heartbroken. I am laying with him right now and I can’t get my mind around the fact that this might be the second to last night he sleeps cuddled up next to me.