Just a week ago I was going over my relationships with my girlfriend and people I’ve had before. We were discussing an outburst I had at someone where I told them all the worst things on my mind about them and how worthless they were. She told me that from what she had heard I was abusive towards people when I split or have these outbursts and if I wasn’t careful I’m going to land myself in a lot of trouble in the future. It hurts so much to hear that i’m abusive bc I never would’ve thought I was but I am, and people have told me I am but I never believed it. I’ve cried since she’s told me i’m abusive and have come to accept I’m a terrible person. 

It makes me wonder, because I’ve emotionally abused my girlfriend before should I even be with her? It’s about to be our 1 year and she’s with someone who’s abusive, she shouldn’t be with me yet she takes my abuse bc she wants to see me get better. Her mental health is terrible and yet I emotionally abuse her. I need some help and just guidance because I feel like the biggest monster and I hate myself for being a abusive person, I don’t belong in a relationship or to see anyone.