I stumbled across that showerthought today that discusses finding meaning in English literature. It’s titled, “ English class is like a conspiracy theory class because they will find meaning in absolutely everything.” This got me to thinking about how I am amble to find meaning in everything and will even revel in finding meaning in what is seemingly nothing to someone else. There can be something mystical or spiritual about finding meaning in everything and looking for the hidden clues, but why do I and so many people with BPD grab ahold of these meanings and run with them with the passion that we do? What arguments are we subconsciously making for these meanings to exist?


Someone in this showerthought thread pointed out that English classes encourage us to derive whatever meanings we can, because the arguments we are able to make for these meanings to exist take priority over the content of our argument. I find this to be so true on a basic level of how we process information. People who have BPD have extremely passionate, winning arguments for the meanings they derive and they find that meaning everywhere. I think there are two important conclusions I’m drawing from this train of thought: A. The ability to grasp the true meaning of an event dissolves, in the face of a good argument and B. There is a split second between assigning meaning to something and then making an argument for or against that meaning, in your mind. I see this as impulse control.


I frequently derive meanings, particularly from interpersonal interactions, that are simply not there. And when I do I am able to argue for those insecurities and rationalize myself into abandon. Shitty arguments for intense meaning can occasionally work in my favor. Seeing meaning in the smallest things can bring me inexplicable joy and my arguments for that joy are nonsensical, but it is ok, because it is joy and I will take all I can get. Pay attention to the meanings you assign, but maybe more importantly, try to dig into what bolsters those notions. I want to question this framework with which I absorb the world to find if what it offers is truthful, healthy, and just...makes sense. 

Lots of love to all of you warriors, on this sunny June day.