I regret every single thing I do whether it was actually the right thing to do or not, there is not one positive thing in my life anymore since my boyfriend left me, dissociation is at the worst it has ever been. I can't leave my mind. The whole world around me is nothing but smoke and mirrors. All I feel is pain and it just keeps getting worse every second of every day. I have a constant sore throat because I scream whenever I'm alone. No matter how much I scream, the pain doesn't lessen. My body is full of bruises from hitting myself uncontrollably and anytime my mom sees them she smirks and tells me to stop doing that as if I'm doing this for fun. If I have a headache my dad assumes it's because I hit myself in the head again and he isn't very subtle about it and it just hurts me more. I'm looked at as crazy by everyone. I want to be alone but I can't stand knowing I'm alone. There is nothing keeping me here, it's only a matter of time before I'm sent completely over the edge. My friends don't believe I'll do it so they don't help me when they see me having an episode. It's clear what they want