hey. my ex crosses my mind sometimes and it's always distressing for me. makes me think I have feelings for him even tho I don't. 
sometimes when I think about the things I liked about him or the relationship, not consciously (certain conscious thoughts such as why am I thinking my ex lead upto me consciously thinking of the relationship and it's aspects to understand why my ex is in my head, and then I realise okay, these are certain aspects I like/ liked which is why I'm thinking of him generally.) I start feeling guilty, as if I should start disliking those things, I have no yearning for those things but things such as hugging him felt good, the way he smelled felt nice, he was a good kisser. But when I think of heavily intimate details I feel disgusted, like sex. Like the way he emotionally extended himself. The way he looked. The way he was as a person. I have no interest in him which is why this is super confusing. 

I don't know how this is possible but I remember how my ex kissed me over my current boyfriend, the things he does are starting to fade away in my head and I can't understand why 

maybe I'm thinking of these things because I have a yearning for the same in my current relationship, I haven't seen my boyfriend in a long time and things have been distressing for us on all fronts. 

I sometimes don't feel emotionally fulfilled, not because I don't feel for him but because I haven't had him caress me or do anything affectionate in a long time, I just don't feel a lot on the emotional front
 
I'm not reminiscing. but I constantly feel like my current boyfriend doesn't deserve this. The thought of me still liking something my ex did. Is it a red flag? 

I feel like going upto him and telling him you don't deserve this because somehow I feel like this is wrong and shouldn't be the case

I feel bad being vulnerable in front of my current boyfriend. I feel like he doesn't care and is sick of me crying over everything. I constantly feel like he doesn't feel for me very strongly on the emotional front. I don't feel loved by him sometimes. Does that explain this

I suffer from bpd, anxiety, OCD and depression