i’m a failure and i can’t see a future for me. i’ve driven away all my friends due to my issues and i’m deathly afraid of making new ones. i tried to start uni but my depression made it impossible. i have no idea what to do with my life and i don’t have any strength or motivation to get out of bed to even try to have a normal life. i’ve been on meds and therapy that didn’t work for me. i know i need therapy again but even the thought of trying to find a good therapist and go through the whole process makes me want to die. i used to have hope but after all these years i’ve lost all of it. everything feels pointless and i can’t enjoy even the things i like. i don’t wanna kill myself for the sake of my family and the tiny possibility that i would get better but i’m struggling to find another option. my social anxiety has never been this bad and i’m deathly afraid of every single human, going outside has me in tears. i know my past friends and relatives think i’m useless and lazy and should just ”try harder” and if that’s how the majority of people see me then i don’t wanna live. i live with my family and my sister and dad barely talk to me anymore, it’s killing me how much they resent me but i still can’t find the strength to get better. i’m so tired of crying. i’m so tired of the emptiness. i’m so tired of failing again and again. i know it’s possible to get better but i’m exhausted of trying and ending up at rock bottom once again. i’m completely alone but also deathly afraid of everyone. i don’t know how to fix this mess i’ve made of my life. i’m so exhausted.