Since having my son 10 months ago, I've grown more and more distant from my partner who used to be my everything. Lovey, couple stuff makes me cringe and we've had sex once in the last 10 months which was surprising in itself as every other time we started to become intimate I would have somewhat of a panic attack. Before I had no sex drive but now it's back I do want to have sex just not with him. We've had a couple of massive arguments and each time he has gone to leave and I've completely panicked and begged him to stay. He is 100% devoted to me and sometimes I think that's where the problem lies, when everything is up and down I crave stability and when everything is stable I crave the ups and downs! He compeletely accepts me, bpd and all and I know nobody else would put up with me the way he has and continues to do. I love him but maybe I'm not in love with him. I don't know, I can't tell if it's just me trying to sabotage everything. We have a gorgeous son, beautiful house, its things I've dreamed about and now I have it and I'm still not happy. My son is my everything, he's the only reason I get out of bed in the morning. I'm rambling, I just needed to get this out, I've been internalising it for so long. 