I have been diagnosed with BPD, in a "milder" sense, for about 3 years now and I've never fully explored it. Mostly out of an unnecessary sense of shame, which probably stemmed from my best friend (at the time) treating my explanation of my diagnosis as something that was *just in my head*. Urgh. Let's not go there. Anyway, I thought I'd ask if anyone shared my feelings of lust and obsession...

Basically, I have a long-term partner, and I love him to death. He has been amazing for me, and I have helped him a lot, too. But, I've never been in a relationship for this long, and I'm worried that my old "cheeky" habits will kick in.


So, I tend to hang around with guys quite a bit, I just tend to find them generally easier to relate to. But the other day I had a dream that I woke up to a guy that I'm studying with, and we made out and such - this guy is someone that I have classes with, but don't hang out with really. I've never been terribly attracted to him, either. I had mixed feelings about this dream, moreso because I know for most people dreams are a silly thing, but I have a long-running tendency to attach feelings to someone once the idea gets into my head. And it has...

Ever since, I've felt like I've got this crush on this guy, and it's so silly! But I can't get it out of my head! It brings me back to the days where I could never keep a relationship, and I'd sleep with whoever let me sleep with them, and every guy that came along was my next love. Or girl...I obsessed over so many of them. To the point where they'd drive me crazy and bring me to tears because I was *that* into the idea. It was a never-ending cycle, the "crushes", and I've managed to keep away from it, until now, apparently!

Has anyone else experienced this? And does anyone have any strategies for how I can get these feelings out of my head? It's not like I love my partner any less! I've always used every inch of my being to retain a stable, monogamous, stable relationship with him and it's so far been fine. I just have this devil on my shoulder sometimes and it drives me to ruin. Thanks in advance.