Idk where to begin.   My borderline makes it impossible to date.  I finally found someone I love after 8 years who also has mental problems.   We doing wrong.   are perfect on paper but my disease makes me see all the negative and overreact to everything.  I'm going to lose the one person I truly love who loves me for me and idk what to do.  We constantly fight about sex.  We met at a wedding.   We spent 2 weeks together just having sex.  Like around the clock.   Now 5 months later we have sex twice a week.  I take it personally.  He keeps saying it isnt me but we havent made our relationship official yet because he still wants to fuck whomever he wants whenever he wants.....but apparently not me.   I try to ig ore the  once in my head but I cant anymore.  I hate myself so much I can't catch my breathe.  Every day all o see is everything im doing wrong and I know I'm sabotaging but hes going to leave me anyway so bother trying? I need to give up on everything and realize I am not capable of giving nor receiving love.  I'm so broken.   I wish I knew what to do .

Tldr I'm so fcuked up I destroy anything I touch. 