I have been suffering from depression pretty much for straight 6 years, I am codependent on my lover and I have been rejected three times bcs of my neediness. Im always late at realizing what should I do to save my relationship. So here i'm always blaming and couldn't forgive myself. I feel like if I forgive myself, it means I make peace with the fact that I hurt my fp so much. I really wish we could return to the way we used to be, and I cant help but keep thinking about it. What did I do to be deserving such feeling all the time. I was a very religious person and always pray for the best and what did I got? Ofc depression, And tbh I feel that im a kind person in nature (not being narcissistic) while others who are a total jerk could live a happy life, when will I finally be able to feel free and happy?