I (30F)  broke up with my ex (31M) about 2 months ago (we were on and off for 2.5 years) and right now, I feel like everything spiraling for me. I keep having  mini episodes where I just can't stop thinking about my relationship and thinking about my ex. It was an emotionally abusive relationship and as someone with BPD, obviously, this is not a huge deterrent as abuse is pretty much all I KNOW and feel comfortable with. Logically, I know this relationship was awful and that if I were to be back in it right now, I'd want out immediately. Emotionally, I feel like I will never find anyone who will know the real me and love me anyway. I'm also having a lot of problems regarding my physical appearance. My ex made it very clear that his ex girlfriend was the love of his life and when he first saw her "he just knew" and that she was "so beautiful that she would be taken care of the rest of her life". He never complimented me and he once told me that I "wasn't pretty enough to worry about".  I'm not a monster physically but I'm having a really hard time logically approaching all of this. 

&amp;#x200B;

Any suggestions or words of encouragement are appreciated. I am just having such a hard time.