sometimes i make a huge deal out of the tiniest thing and let it trigger me and i just go crazy and beat myself, threaten to end my life, just abuse myself until i feel like i’m about to collapse. i don’t even really remember what i do to myself or what i say and i’ve figured it’s just my brain blocking out traumatic events. i’ve had bpd symptoms ever since i was a kid and honestly my mom is the source of all my triggers now. my two favorite people are my signifact other and my mother and unfortunately they’re the ones that trigger me the most. i have the worst fights with them and say the nastiest things with no remorse in the moment just to feel horrible afterwards. i HATE living like this because it affects me so much more than i show