It’s been a while since I’ve had a depressive breakdown, I am actually happy in my relationship never felt so loved and yet somehow I’m crying myself to sleep. I feel so guilty that I’m depressed when I don’t have a reason to be. It’s always there’s looming like a shadow you just can’t shake. 

I hate that it makes me a liar, I’m pretending to not be sad, pretending to not cry , pretending to act like I’ve got my Sh*T together, It’s just how do you explain that there’s no obvious reason you’re depressed? It’s not my relationship it’s not my family that’s making me feel this way it’s just me and my brain. I don’t want people to think it’s their fault I’m depressed so it’s just easier to pretend I’m not. 

With all the thoughts that come with a depressive episode sleep has been few and far between, don’t know what will cause my burn out first the lack of sleep or the constant pretending