the worst thing about BPD for me is paranoia stemming from lack of trust. and i have an extreme lack of trust. and it seems to be pretty intense. thinking people will either cause sexual or physical harm to me or my children. 

for example, i just dropped my kid off for a play date and i’m just sitting herepanicking thinking i’ll never see him again. that his friends mom is going to sell him into the sex trade or something. i don’t know why. i’ve been to her house for their first play date, the girl has come to our house without her mother, and now he’s there without me. so why am i just having a full blown, neat tears, panic attack 😩 i hate feeling like this and not knowing when to trust my gut. i’ve been making myself sick all day worrying about him before i even dropped him off!