Tw: Eating disorder (no numbers) and mentions self harm

I've known this for years: when I'm eating disordered, I can get numb enough so I don't split. My libido decreases so I take less risks because of sex. I also become very distant and even if I develop an fp bond, they are never more important than food. It's a depressing truth.

During the pandemic, my eating disorder spiraled out of control, my weight dropped a lot and I'm only now recovering. By BPD however has come crashing down on me. Turns out that obsessing over food while starving was the only thing that was keeping me away from self harming in more BPD-like ways and splitting. I've punched myself multiple times (that was never my thing) and I'm having to hide all the bruises, so even getting my libido back its no use to me at the moment. I'm also isolating anyway because I feel like I'm about to split on anyone for any reason  EVERY SINGLE MOMENT

 
Would appreciate to read any insight from people who have gone through something like this. It's been rocky and lame