Not sure if this will make sense but I will try my best.. hope you'll  be able to catch on. But basically,...

I come from a country in which mental health isnt a recognised issue. 

Saying "I'm depressed" is just another phrase for being sad or when something bad happens - the only time someone is allowed to be depressed (when they've lost someone beloved or gone through a traumatizing experience).

However growing up as far back as primary school I've always just been "sad" and didnt know why. And I didnt know how to explain my sadness. I never told anyone about it. I'd get back from school hide myself in the storage room and cry for hours before returning to everyone else like nothing happenned. I didnt know why I was sad. 

A few years later I went abroad for uni (UK) where in my second year, my "sadness" got worse. I didnt want to do anything. I stopped going for classes, stayed in bed all day and all night, lost moyivation for everything I used to love doing. I didn't even want to live anymore. I felt suicidal. One day a friend - after I had refused to go with her to get free pizza (something I loved doing) - passed a comment saying "I was acting like I was depressed". I didn't know what she was talking about and I denied it because as far as I was concerned depression was only for those that had suffered a loss or gone through something bad. I got uoset with her for her comment and  I went back to my room. I googled depression and sure enough I had the same symptoms. I immediately sought help from the university wellbeing center and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I was put on medication but didnt continue with it because I felt like even though it helped boost my mood, in the back of my mind I knew I still wasnt happy. 

Fast forward I graduated and I am now back in my home Country. I have been doing better (if you call being numb to everything doing better) and I'm no longer suicidal. 

I have been doing my masters online and I never go out because I have strict parents. I lost touch with all of my childhood friends (just about five) in my home country and so even if I could go out I wouldnt have anyone to hang out with. I built my life in the UK  and all my friends are there, church and everything else. This is because I spent 4 years there without ever coming home for holidays (I didnt want to because it bore horrible memories for me). And I felt that I had started a new life there. In addition,  I suffer from anxious meeting new people and so havent made any effort to make new friends either. So basically I feel so alone and back to square one with my life. 

Anyways the point is that recently I have been feeling depressed again. I dont want to do anything. I'm tired all the time just want to sleep. I dont want to be around people and I feel really down about my life. But at the same time I'm still numb to everything (not sure if that makes sense). In turn this has affected my studies. I havent been able to focus and I havent started my research for my masters and I am now only left with three months to do it. This has caused serious anxiety as I am having episodes in the middle of the night and during the day. Last night I woke up twice having anxiety attacks. 

My problem is I need help. But I cant get it in my country because if I tell people I'm depressed people will just laugh at me and say what do I have to be depressed about..?? 

Please help me.!! How do I go abiut fighting this again but this time all alone...  :(  I'm scared I'll get suicidal again and that was the worst time of my life.. please help me.