My girlfriend dumped me and I think it was a classic discard situation. She can only see the bad in me at the moment and is being downright cruel. She now says everything that ever went wrong was my fault. She’s in so much pain and grief that she’s basically throwing herself into her work, filling her schedule to the brim with activities to distract her from her feelings and is refusing to come home for more than an hour at a time. She’s already saying that the bond we formed over 3 years is dying over just a couple weeks of staying away from me, which I don’t believe but I do think she is trying to convince herself of. She’s so cold and distant and matter-of-fact and condescending one minute, raging and throwing things another, and then the next she’s sobbing into my neck wailing about how painful leaving me will be. I honestly don’t think she really wants to go, as this has happened before and the pain passed with time and had it’s roots in stressors outside the relationship. I think she’s conflicted for good reason. I’m so hurt by her behaviour but I know deep down she’s a good person and I feel like my heart is being torn out.

I want her back so badly but I can’t seem to break through to her, simply because she keeps leaving and avoiding me the minute she senses she’s calming down and she’s seeing the good in me again. She’s terrified of being manipulated because she tends to act entirely on emotion without thinking, so whenever someone tries to talk her down calmly she often finds herself agreeing with them, simply because they are guiding her through her emotions and helping her to balance them, which then makes her feel like she’s being mindcontrolled out of doing what she wants over and over again. Her only way of fighting against this perceived manipulation by doubling down hard on any decision she makes, including this break up which she initiated while drunk, stressed and very sleep deprived, after having had several major meltdowns. She insists I need to respect her decision, and I am torn between wanting to let her do what she wants and not overstep and knowing from experience that she doesn’t actually want this deep down and is just crumbling under a lot of pressure. She often does impulsive things when she is struggling and especially when she wants to stop acute pain, suddenly abandoning people, jobs, hobbies and more. Over the course of her relationship she transitioned from being mostly asexual to being  normal and now hypersexual and is out of no where obsessed with promiscuity and having sex with other people to “break her bond“ to me… I feel like I’m running out of time before she goes through with this. 

What can I do? All I really need to do is hug and soothe her and she’ll cry and calm down, but I can’t do that when she’s lashing out… her therapist is useless and has treated her very badly. She’s also already told everyone about her decision, because she says it makes it feel more “real and final“ which scares me so much because it feels like she’s trying to do everything to stop herself from going back on her decision just in case I do convince her, despite how much she loves me. She seems to care way more more about not being questioned on her decision than she does the actual act of breaking up. Another chance to talk to her is coming up soon and I want to make the most of it. I’m so scared to lose her