I'm 21 and have had 2 meaningful romantic relationships and  1 proper girlfriend ,currently i have 0 friends and 0 people I considered close to me. because my romantic interests end up being my entire social circle and when they rid of me I'm always left with no one.  I have a small family and I love them however I'm not 'close' with them or atleast not what I consider that to be . Ive always been relatively introverted until I'm comfortable and then I'm kind of in-between but because the majority of my youth has consisted of chasing after or obsessing over an 'fp' and before that as a young teen I isolated myself all day in my room   probably due to lack in self confidence and social anxiety, which is similar to my life currently.  I tried socialising in college and it worked out quite well but everyone went their separate ways in the end and I have contact with only one of the people I met in college , great guy , helped me through the first lockdown as I was homeless and had no where to stay but I digress, basically I was wondering how do you get by with no meaningful close people/ relationships in your life because it's extremely lonely and I blame myself for ruining every relationship I've been in due to this disorder.