Before anyone gets the wrong idea I love my kids more than anything else in this world and it isn’t even close, but if I didn’t have kids that I love more than anything then maybe I would actually have the courage and strength to do what I have always thought about and end it all. I’ve always thought about suicide since I was a freshman in high school. I’ve always had someone in my life that’s prevented me from doing it cause I know it would hurt them to bad. Of course in high school  it  was my mom who passed away when I was 24, then it was my gf who I have now been married to for 8 years and now of course it’s my kids who I couldn’t do that to. 

Life sucks and I’ve never truly been happy. This post will probably get passed by but I have always thought about posting and honestly just getting to type this all out helps and please don’t worry about me I’ll be fine, I always am, or at least I always get through these lows in life and hide it like I always have. It had been getting harder to hide though and I don’t find as much joy in things that I used to. Anyways I’ll get past this like I always do and thank you to anyone who actually read this.