I’m tired of being. I’d love to give my soul away and not exist while someone deserving lives in my body meaningfully. I feel like I’m in a forced existence that I don’t want but must stay in. I’m constantly exhausted and struggling to do what I’m meant to do. I can barely think, most of the time. I feel completely nothing moments after having a good laugh. I’m in that adult transition and I have absolutely No direction, no aspiration, no ambition, no motivation. I’m so irritable so intensely annoyed by the mildest of inconveniences.  Reality is just too much. I feel so alone all the time, and even the few times that I’m with people. I don’t like the way I look at things but I can’t change it. I don’t like who I am, how I look, anything . I don’t like the way things are and always wish they were different , or that I was different . I can’t be myself because I don’t know who myself is. I feel like I’m solely alive for the purpose that other people have convinced me that they care. I try to appreciate it, and I try to think that I do, but it honestly feels more of an obstacle or a burden. I can’t talk to anybody about anything that matters and I feel like I’m always masking who I am. I don’t know how to help it, but I can’t really imagine a future where I don’t give up. Existing is just disgusting for the most part. Just so so so suffocating. But hey it’s ok sometimes I guess .