I went to therapy today for the first time in my life, and my therapist right off the bat diagnosed me with major depression and suggested I had bpd as well, but wanted more sessions with me. 

My symptoms and why she came to that conclusion:
- Extreme ranges of my emotions. I’m not just happy, I’m euphoric. I’m not just sad, I’m despairing.
- My reaction to my breakup. I made a pretty impulsive decision after my last breakup that I won’t go into detail about 
- Etc. that I don’t remember 

I’ve looked up bpd before and always thought, maybe. But you can never be too sure without professional insight, you know? So when she told me that. I was just so relieved. I can finally pinpoint this thing. The countless number of times I would just trip out over nothing, hurt people and feel so immensely guilty or don’t understand why I can’t get over relationships like other people. Why I’m obsessive and get into what I call “a mind rut”. Why I feel so intensely. That there’s something about me that doesn’t tick just right and I know it’s there. For the longest, I didn’t know what to do with myself. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not glorifying or celebrating my diagnosis, but this is the first time, in a long time, that I’ve felt something lift from my shoulders. I feel hopeful, like something can be done about this. And for that, I’m happy.