I was in a schema therapy for a year but that didn’t work out and was suddenly transferred to Mentalisation Based Treatment (MBT). I was given a bridging therapist. Simultaneously I made complaints about the first therapist. Particularly that she was homophobic and that we didn’t bond and that I had tried to change therapists early but had been ignored. I didn’t feel my complaints were taken seriously and I complained and explained this to the organisation. Subsequently, they abruptly ended my therapy. That was 8 months ago. 

I’m still angry. It feels like the anger doesn’t pass. It feels like all my BPD symptoms are larger (less emotion regulation, greater fear of abandonment, more mistrust, bigger feelings of being different/isolated). Initially I desperately wanted to continue in therapy. But now I start to feel that maybe I’m better on my own. I wonder if it’s better for me to learn about myself individually. I don’t have confidence in things working out differently with another therapist. I don’t have confidence that I will find another therapist. I’ve been searching hardcore for 8 months without success.

Have you felt that therapy has made things worse? Did you then continue in therapy? Change therapy? Stop therapy? How did you look beyond all these failures? Is it useful to keep trying? Or am I banging my head against a brick wall?