 

So theres no short way to put this, so im just going to lay it all out. I live in a very small village, i am the only native american in this village and was the only one at the highschool of 1,500 white kids i've always had to deal with racism.

And i was managing it pretty well just ignoring the assholes and pushing forward with my education. But then my highschool friends found out i was bi they spread very nasty rumors all around the school. And stopped associating with me.

It got so much worse than the previous bullying/harassment. They would say really mean stuff and tell everyone i have diseases(i dont), call me the f slur daily say im a dog fucker( which im not, ew), say i liked fisting( i dont), say my dick is 1 inch long ( its not, its 7inchs), say im fat( im so skinny u can see my ribs but i think im fat), say im ugly( im not), say that i smell( i dont i have good hygiene), pretty much said everything in the book.

Then it escalated to them trying to pick fights with me and record it to get me in trouble, trying to make it look like i started the fight.

Then that escalated to sexual harassment, this older senior student much bigger than me. Physically forced me to stay in my bus seat while he felt me up with a metal pole inbetween the legs he had got from shop class.

Eventually i got so sick of going to that torture chamber i mean school, i got myself expelled three times to get away from them.

I finally thought i was done with them, free from that horrible school but then it escalated again to harassment in my village. One day im just walking down the road to the store and these people throw garbage on me from their vehicle while yelling the f slur before driving off. After that i just went home i didnt even want to goto the store anymore.

Then that escalated even further the next day i was walking to the store again and the same vehicle tried to run me over after that happened i have just been isolating myself in my bedroom for 10-13 years, i am 27 now this happened when i was 14-17.

I cant take another year of being alone in this crappy village. All i think about now is suicide. I am almost finished my education though im only one class away from completeing my highschool diploma then i should be able to find work once i finish my drivers license too. And i recently talked to my doctor about depression for the first time but the meds dont seem to be working and it all feels so pointless i just want to give up i dont think i will ever find someone.

Important question and answer from previous post in reddit dating before i moved it

&gt;"You really could have got out of that Village a long time ago if you finished your education "

My reply: Not really if i stayed at that school to try and finish my diploma it would have been worse. I was too afraid to tell anyone what was going on. So i just hid in my room for years. I thought my parents&amp;family would treat me the same way as everyone else in this village. So i never told them i wasnt straight or about all the harassment.

They just thought i was some asshole who never wanted to attend school. I would always get into nasty arguments with them about going.

I also blamed my friends not coming over anymore all on one of them stealing 100 dollars from my moms purse. But in reality they wanted nothing todo with me once they found out i wasnt straight.

The only reason they even came over, after they found out about me was to steal things.(they actually did take that 100 dollars)This went on for a few weeks until i found out by catching one of them going through my closet.

I said what are you doing? He replied with so where you hiding your dildo! F-slur, in a very aggressive tone, before storming out of the room.

I got into a big argument with them and they all left shortly after. Later i found out what he was really doing.

He was searching my computers history for more gossip to spread around the school. He found what he was looking for because i slipped up and didnt delete the gay porn i was watching.And also found my book in my closet with all my passwords, i recovered all of my accounts for social media and everything fast enough but they did manage to change the email and steal some gaming accounts.

And no school would take me after the last thing i did to get expelled. They made me wait a year to apply again anywhere, after i threatened to throw another student out of the 3rd story window for repeatadly insulting me during class.

I think i was 17 or 18 at this point. After awhile i was accepted into a very early version of online classes but my attitude at the time was still crap and it never went anywhere. I got kicked out of that class for not doing the work.

Years later at 20 i applied for g.e.d, they wouldnt take me earlier because of some bs rule that said i needed to be out of school for two years before i could apply.

I tried to complete that for two years i think but i gave up after awhile. I couldnt understand all the lessons from a textbook alone without a teacher to help. And i kept forgetting subjects and having to start the program all over again because i couldnt memorize everything for the 7 hour long test.

Then i fell into an even deeper depression by thinking ill be stuck here forever and made plans to kill myself once i turned 25. I would not speak to anyone, i wouldnt eat for weeks at a time, barely drank any water just stayed in my room and would not leave for anything other than the bathroom.

But then the pandemic happened when i was just turning 25 and something finally clicked in my brain that i do want to live. After seeing how short life is i finally deicided to make a change and stop wastung my life away here.

I worked up the courage to tell my online friends i wasnt straight and surprislingly to me they were all very supportive and accepting. Which gave me hope for the future.

So i applied once again for school this time with a positive attitude and was accepted into an adult online hybrid class(hybrid meaning because they taught in the school and online class at the same time). It was so much easier having a real teacher there to help.

And with my new attitude im finally doing well in my classes i passed everything i signed up for with 75% to 90% marks. Only 1 class left togo! Also i came out to my parents finally too about not being straight and they didnt kick me out of the house like i thought they were going to.

Sorry if this wall of text a bit wordy no short way to explain this mess.