I've never been in a real realtionship and never been with someone who I really felt a connection with. I didn't really opened up to noone but also rarely felt really attracted to a guy I was seeing. I had numbers of crushes though, and fall in love easily. I've never had much experience with the guys. I don't have a good body image, lots of avoidant tendencies and have lots of other issues.

What kills me it's that... I really wanted a caring relationship since I was a teen, I really, really want someone to love and FEEL loved and cared for... someone to hug me when I need it, someone I can cry into, someone to feel at home and safe. I've wanted this all my life and I'm 23. I feel like I'm missing out on so so much. It kills me when a friend tells me about these lovely caring things her boyfriend does. I always wanted that as well. I'm really happy for her when I hear this but I also simultaneously become so self-conscious, anxious, so so lonely, sad and can get me spiraling into a depressive episode. I hate this. I constantly think I need a special someone, love and safety that comes with it. I feel so ugly all the time because of it and that something must be wrong with me since I didn't come to this by now.