She’s so cool and funny and unique. I want to be with her forever. But she lashes out and gets into rage episodes where she cusses and tells abs demeans me. Kicks me out of her house. Tells me the worst things on the planet. Accuses me of cheating constantly (never have). But then the next day she wants to act like nothing happened. It causes so much turmoil for me. And so much pain. It’s been 2 years. I have tried to leave many times but I’m in love codependent and trauma bonded. She’s sometimes apologetic but not ina specific way…and she does a lot of it blacked out drunk so she doesn’t remember being a monster. She accuses me of being just as bad….but I feel like it’s reactive abuse half the time. How do I know if this can be fixed? She seems remorseful but not that much that she doesn’t quit demeaning and disrespecting me. She also doesn’t let me talk about my feelings without punishing me. She can be hypocritical. I know it all comes from her childhood. I can accept all of her but she can’t accept all of me. She’s being sweet to me right now so I’m having a hard time leaving. She is Jekyll and Hyde. By the time I process what she did to me and get the guts to leave she’s being nice again. I want it to work with her but it seems like it can never stay peaceful. She also breaks up with me when drunk so there’s no stability or security. I don’t want it to end. Or I do want it to end. I just don’t want to stay stuck like I am now. We’re stagnant because we fight so hard we can’t feel secure enough to move forward with marriage or living together.