
  I have an interesting problem that I’ve had a hard time explaining to anyone and I I’d like to know what you guys think about it. I’ve known I’ve had this problem my whole life, but couldn’t put my finger on what it was or know how to explain it. I’ve also been diagnosed with adhd the inattentive type and wonder if that’s where this is coming from.

The only way I know how to explain this is, In order to cope with my adhd, I have to create VERY detailed systems to abide by to get things done and balance priorities throughout my day. Not routines, but systems. I’ve been doing this since I was a child, but when I was a child it was less to get things done and more to not die of boredom while I was at school. When I was at school I would makeup an entire make-believe world and I would feel like I was in a movie, but the make-believe world would be based off of systems and rules that I had created. It was very complex and difficult to explain😂 but moving into my adulthood I have a system on how I balance chores, schoolwork, hobbies and so on. Anything I have to do, I add to my to do list and then it moves into my system. The problem is, life is so unpredictable and no system, no matter how complex, is as good at prioritizing and making decisions as a brain can. I watch other people just loosely following to-do lists and moving through their days as they see fit and I feel so jealous. My system works pretty well, but some times following my system causes me to do really odd things. For example: one time my system cause me to not do the dishes for 3 days and I was so stressed that I couldn’t do the dishes because my system wouldn’t allow for it. I knew I needed to adjust my system, but my system doesn’t allow for me to adjust it until a person physically tells me that I need to “do the dishes” “prioritize better” or something like that, so it wasn’t until my husband said, “are you okay? Do you need help? Why haven’t you done the dishes lately?” That I could readjust my system to work better. The obvious question would be, “why can’t you just adjust your system when you see a problem?”! I know! I have a weird problem with not being able to do something that I can’t define. I can’t make a decision to fix my system, because how do you define “problem”. I even cried last week about taking out the trash, because even though I can see it’s “full” how do you define “full”. It’s like I have some sort of problem with making judgments and decisions on even a small level to the point where I have to create systems with black and white measurements and guidelines to follow so that I don’t feel crazy making decisions all day and it really causes problems in my life. How can other people just say “oh the trash is full I need to take it out” what about tomorrow? How will you know it’s full tomorrow or the next day? What is your guide line? How can you just make judgments all day?