 after hurting so much friends and bullying people, I realized I had an issue, so I quit social media and got checked into therapy. As it turns out, I did not have a normal childhood and it is very likely that my BPD came from this.

It has been nearly 4 months since I left social media (I made a reddit account to compile my progress and questions). It was hard at first because I spoke to dozens of people online because I was so lonely. I spent a lot of nights mulling over my adolescence and early adult life convinced I was a bad person because I hurt people during my outbursts.

It wasnt until yesterday, as I was writing my Christmas Grams, I realized how many people still stuck around. How many friends loved me, honest about my behavior, but they wanted to see me grow. How many comforted me during my breakdowns. It was not as lot as the dozens of people I spoke to on the internet, but the little circle I have makes me so happy. I don't need to have 500 friends on Facebook-- 12 friends are good enough. These were the same 12 who were patient with me, who listened to me, who loved me unconditionally despite my bpd.

I feel so stupid not realizing what I have now instead of fearing that 20 something people looked at me poorly. Im starting to feel confident and my outbursts has pretty much diminished! It feels so great. While I do feel guilty about the havoc and pain I caused to my victims, I am finally moving forward to change. Im honestly excited for 2021!