I'm getting married to my first boyfriend who I've been dating for almost 4 years now. 
We are very happy together and he has been my strength through so much.

I was neglected emotionally and physically growing up, and have had a terribly hard time connecting with other people. 
He was patient and kind. I'm so lucky to have him.

But I still feel empty. I've been fighting my suicidal ideations for years now. It's just so hard to find a point in continuing life when our world feels so tainted. I don't trust people or make myself available to them because I'm afraid of everything and everyone. 
I don't know what he sees in me....