Hi, all. I've lurked the BPD subreddit for a while, and I would greatly appreciate the perspective from others with the disorder.  

I've known my best friend for almost three years, and she's honestly been my rock. We've supported each other a lot, and I love her to absolute pieces. Unfortunately there are frequent snags. I'll give enough context behind whwt I've experienced with her so you know what's going on.

 I want to start off with how I mess things up: I'm certain of some things I'm doing wrong. For context, I have Aspergers Syndrome, though it will never be a defValentine'sou don't know what this means, the tl;dr is that I am socially inept due to my brain being unable to connect the dots. (I'm getting better though, as draining as it is)

Often, conversations will have misunderstandings in them that are largely due to my taking text literally, stating the obvious and annoying her, or being intensely hurtful without intending to. When this happens there's always some sort of consequence; I won't hear from her for the rest of the day, I'll be removed from a social media system for a while, or similar. One thing that still hurts from a year or so ago is when she withheld something she wanted to say because of a comment I made in passing to someone else about Valrntines Day when she wasn't there. What's the rationale behind this behaviour?

When I see her, she feels like a different person to when we talk online. I struggle to read her and feel like I'm doing something wrong all the time. I want to hug her, sit next to her and all of that but it's like once she sees me, she has no interest in it. I feel I'm responsible for this. If we hit a snag when I'm up there I'm harshly dismissed and it's like I'm being dropped.

I'm prone to overstimming. When this happens I have to take a step back for between a couple hours and a day or so to recover fully. I've been going through a rough emotional ride lately so I've needed to withdraw a little, even from her. I told her I needed time to recover and the response was a mix of "wooo..." "great..." and "&lt;a problem&gt; and now this". I felt I was being made to feel incapable of having needs of my own, or that she felt she was being left behind. I then found myself blocked on Fetlife despite almost never using it. I don't know if I'll find out why. How do I handle reassurance in a way that won't make her feel abandoned?

She has told me that she honestly doesn't know what to do with me, and she feels like she's walking on eggshells. I didn't intend for that but my complete lack of self-esteem and anxiety are making it this way.

She tends to ignore some things I say to her as well: she was in a major esteem slump RE relationships once, and I told her that BPD or not, she'd be a great partner and I'd consider myself very lucky in that position. I wasn't looking for a specific answer in mind when I said it, I just wanted to lift her spirits and open up to her, regardless of outcome. She said nothing else that night and replied with something else the next day. I don't know if I'm overstepping the line or not because she won't tell me. Am I in the right for thinking this?

She's complained about money issues and I've covered for her, the biggest example being at Christmas, when I gave her all my savings, ~£200, FWIW, so she and her son could eat. Weeks after she was buying unnecessary things again, without considering this. (I never pressured her to get it back, but I mentioned that it was my preemployment savings and I needed it back asap). It made me feel like a resource to her; how do I avoid feeling like this, even when I know it's an impulse thing?

Every snag we've had follows these examples, but I cannot see what I'm doing wrong. Is there anything I can change, as discordant as it is? I've posted on other BPD subreddits before now and the only advice I've gotten is to leave. I'm not doing that.

Oh yeah: I'm not looking for sympathy or anything; I know I can be a better friend for her and am willing to do whatever I need to make it happen. I love her so very much. She can do better too, of course, but the blame lies with me.

**TL;DR** guy who cannot read people cannot be the best friend possible; how do?