It's been a while since I was full on suicidal. I've attempted a lot, but things have been (with a ton of emotional work all around) better.

But this morning I had the most vivid dream. Nothing bad was happening in the dream, just me on vacation with my boyfriend and kids and a friend. But the soul crushing despair, the weight, the way my body feels fake and heavy, it was there. All of it. I spent the whole dream trying to get away from people so I could kill myself.

I was literally shaking when I woke up. It was so intensely real.

I don't want to kill myself right now. But holy hell where did that dream come from? Does anyone else have emotions in dreams that are disconnected from reality and what happening in the dream?