I was talking to my (suspected at least) FP last night and everything was fine and I was happy and laughing at stuff on my phone and it’s like a switch just flipped and I was on the floor crying. Mid convo just started texting him “why am I not allowed to be happy”, “why cant I get better” etc etc. since I had a bad medical experience where I was basically told I’m not unhappy enough to get help and it was probably gonna get close to an argument because I started complaining about HIM specifically saying “oh ur only happy at the expense of me being miserable” or smth like that which obviously isn’t fucking true and that’s so unfair to say. He just said “okay so this is one of those times I’ll leave the convo for half an hour so you can cool down” which u know that’s great and mature but feeling like I pushed him away again is honestly worse than dying to me. I actually fucking hate myself for being like this. I wish I wasn’t born.