I was diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, depression and anxiety a few months ago. I was initially shocked and confused by my diagnosis but I tried hard to understand and accept it anyways. I’ve accepted being a sufferer of BPD and changed my life in ways to help my BPD. I have reached out and connected with the BPD community and finally started to feel like I wasn’t so alone and lost in this fucked up world. Until today. I had an appointment with my social worker and a doctor to discuss medication. My antidepressants haven’t been working and neither has this other medication I take to help with my nightmares. I thought I was either going to get an increase in my dosage or be told to stay patient with my current dosage. We did the usually thing you do when you see a new doctor and go through all the traumas and trouble in my life that has bought me to the way I am to this day, the doctor asked about my mood swings since I mentioned to my social worker that when I have major changes in my mood, my whole personality changes and it last for a while. Also about my manic episodes. I’ve now been informed that they are removing the BPD diagnosis and going to start to look at exactly what type of bipolar “I could possibly be”. I just feel so sad right now? That I have to go through this again? That I have to re-understand and re-accept a diagnosis. That I have to get used to a new medication and figure out if it’s right for me or if I need a lower or higher dosage like fuck. To top if all off I am still on the waiting list to start therapy, where I won’t start until next year. The mental health system and the whole “getting help” process is not all rainbows and butterflies, it’s a constant battle between winning and losing and it’s driving me insane. Being diagnosed with BPD felt like I finally had one stable thing in my life (sounds a bit fucked up to say my illness is my only stability but it’s true) and now that’s not even valid. Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!