I've posted once in [/r/relationship_advice](http://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/295tn6/im_26m_trying_to_balance_my_groups_of_friends) that may paint a better picture if you want specifics because it's relating to an event.
 
My fiancée and I are 100% perfect for each other. We have both fallen head over heels in love. We have been together for 3 years now and will be married by our 4th anniversary. We have never fought about money or housing. Everything relates back to boundaries and communication.  Previous to her, I had numerous relationships from age 18-24 that were completely unstable. Toxic with lots of arguing,name calling, zero communication, and  immature/manipulative behavior on my part and theirs. Meeting my fiancee 3 years ago made me realize that it was me who was acting immature/crazy in previous relationships because I had finally met the girl I wanted to be with. I've only had relationships last for a few months with the longest being 12 months. I was dealing with personal insecurities, jealousy, anger, you name it and I did it. A few years go by – I finish college and find a great job. I’m doing more investing in myself such as lifting weights, reading, educating myself in areas that I had no confidence in, constantly trying to learn, etc. I feel like I’m making great progress trying to catch up because of how out of touch I was just a couple years ago. I was so ignorant back then it’s cringey to think of. I'm reading on BPD and I can see that I definitely had traits in the past. Impulsive behaviors, sensitive and quick emotions. I had a temper, but never it has never escalated past shouting. I get stressed out or angry pretty quickly. In the last few years I haven’t been able to avoid getting the initial rush of frustration or anger, but my recovery time is pretty much instantaneous. Unfortunately, my fiancee and I share that in common. 

She is ultra-sensitive, quick to react with a range of emotions, and somewhat regularly she will think that an objective opinion of mine is a personal attack on her or her beliefs and she immediately gets defensive. I’m constantly dissecting the conversation, telling her what I really meant and that I’m not out to get her. We have to take breaks in an argument because I’m scaling things back and trying to keep the noise down. She gets intense when we argue and I’m always trying to minimize the situation. I feel lately that I have made a lot of effort to watch how I react. But to her, everyone and everything is unfair. She is pretty bad at seeing how she is acting in because she is so focused on how one other person is acting or doing her wrong. To the point where she would not be considered reasonable, but she doesn't see it. She has been through a lot as a child with some history of trauma but I’m always there for her. We started going to couples counselling because the bad communication on my part was causing fights. I still feel I have to walk on eggshells or minimize social situations to avoid problems with her but she’s gotten a lot better since my /r/relationship_advice thread. Things are great when she is happy – but if she’s mad then you’re going to have a bad time.   


My fiancée is the sweetest, most genuine and caring person you’ll ever meet. She puts everyone above herself. Family, friends, people in her care at work, etc. Unfortunately she hasn't had the greatest luck with friends and they eventually have a falling out. She has maybe two or three solid friends whereas I have a group that has hung out since high-school with 15+ people that still see each other frequently. My issues with my fiancée are her ability to deal with my boundaries. I have lots of friends in a couple groups, so split time for friends is difficult as it is. If you read my other forum post, you’ll see that she feels any time away from her (if she doesn't work and our schedules line up) should automatically be spent with her. While I agree that her shift schedule allows me to have friend time when she is working so that I can see her when she isn't. But if plans change and I have to “book a night” with friends while she isn't working, there seems to be an issue, and we fight. When we go out together we have so much fun while we have many drinks with friends, and we don’t fight. If she happens to be working during a social situation that I can still attend, she gets visibly angry with some pouting and acting passive aggressive. This was obvious when she was angry that I was able to go to a afternoon baseball game with a huge group but she wasn't able to attend. She knew all the plans, that I was going to an after party and I had a D.D. to drop me off at home. She got home after 6 and I was sleeping after my long day of drinking, and she was extremely pissed. She has no problem when we are both hung over after a night out, but when I do it without her she all of a sudden has issues with me partying. For the record, in the summer going for beers or having parties is more common. In the winter I could get away with not getting intoxicated for months. It doesn't matter to me but I just don’t like the double standard. How it’s okay to pass out with her occasionally but if I do it on my own, with my own friends without her, we have problems. This isn't a deal breaker or anything because it’s not about the alcohol. I just want some clarity for the future and how I can help her become the best version of herself and having control over immature outbursts like I used to have. It’s not easy and I’m far from perfect, but I’m trying right now and I would love for her to see how she’s acting and try to improve herself as well. We are doing couples counseling to help me with communication and with her controlling issues, it seems to be helping so many I’ll get a BPD conversation going in our next session!
