 Hello, is been a while since I don't interact here.

 I was able to come back from a very bad depressive episode from last year.
I got addicted to alchohol and my family made me do an intense treatment.

 I don't drink like I used to, I used to drink everyday to be numb.
Now I drink like 1 weekend a month? Like get real wasted lol.

But is not that I'm addicted to alchoho, I'm addicted to the numbness.

Recently I began taking codeine, at 16 I had already taken it before as pills one time at new years eve, I liked it but fogrgot about it for a long time. This year I started drinking lean with my best friend ( she also has BPD and she always makes me relapse on alcohol and drugs, is sad but she is my best friend ).


I had it like 4 times, at weekends just for fun.

But now I got a bottle and I am getting very addicted, I also have chronic pain due to back and kidney issues, so the codeine really makes the pain less painful lol and I feel calm, wich is so rare, I'm so anxious.

I don't wanna quit, it makes me feel really good, I just worry about getting arrested or smth lol coz I buy them illegally with fake papers and stuff :( 

(I don't want ppl to tell me it's bad for me and I should stop etc, I know is bad, this is just a vent and maybe to find ppl that feel the way I do about drugs, is not the drug in fact but the numb feeling. Also, I'm felling pretty okay mentally, my meds r really working and I'm doing my stuff)