I have been to my doctors on multiple occasions and also to counselling. Both have said I show symptoms of BPD. 

The doctors push me to go on sertraline, which I have, three times and I feel like a zombie and care about nothing which doesn’t work for me as a single parent. They wont refer me to the mental health team because I’m not suicidal. I have days I don’t feel like I can carry on, heavy days where I feel completely suffocated by how I feel and think and can’t imagine living like this forever but I won’t say I’m suicidal. I have a child and don’t want that on any records. 

The councillor said the same, that I show symptoms, but everyone ‘has a personality disorder to some degree’ and he didn’t want to focus on it only on how to learn to deal with things better. I went to a few sessions and didn’t feel it helped all that much past being more self aware , less reactive and learning to step back to reduce the onset of intense anger I can feel and take it out on people spouting venom. 

Can you please tell me your experiences on getting a diagnosis? I feel so tired, especially because it’s still unknown. I feel it’s important to me to know 100% if I have BPD or of course if I don’t. I feel like im trying to force myself to have it to justify how I think/act/feel and that people think that too. But its not that I just need some help.