I have known something was wrong with me for a long long time. I have argued and fought with everyone that something was wrong, that I was not acting or feeling right. I couldn't get help, I begged for help, and now its to late. I am now diagnosed as bi-polar and well medicated, it helped I feel like me again but to late. I lost the love of my life, and it was entirely my fault. He endured more then any one person should and maybe I did too (he is bi-polar as well, unmedicated) The worst part is, now that I am me again (somewhat sane?!) I know what I lost and what fault is mine, and it is crushing my very soul. Do I want to be on medication that keeps me aware of what's wrong and what I did and lost, or give it up and live in denial? I am seeing a professional and it helps but how do I recover?