I want to be as respectful as I can, given the situation. So, I’ll state the facts. Not sure how to approach my partner with BPD. He does wrong, I get upset, then he paints me black. 

Background: it it’s something bad, I can confirm that it has happened in my marriage out of my PWBPD’s actions. 

Lying
Infidelity 
Physical abuse 
Mental abuse 
  
We had been getting better. The affair stopped, the lies were getting somewhat better. I wasn’t looking for perfection but improvement was needed. Then, upon getting my annual physical it was noted that I had contracted HPV and had changes on my cervix I’m in my late 30’s and had gotten the guardasil shot prior to marrying him. This was the first time this occurred. Plus he casually mentioned that his affair partner had cervical cancer and had previously asked him to attend appointments with him. 

Because of this, I’m terrified and worried. I basically called it the icing on the shit cake. I was just being honest but then he blew up!
Said I wasn’t appreciate of his efforts. That I don’t care. He will talk text about our issues only when he wants to and when the convo becomes too much he shuts down and won’t talk. Last night, at marriage counseling. I got called stupid. He said he needs to sleep on the couch since we aren’t having sex and that if I don’t do it someone else will. That I don’t care about his needs because “I’m always pushing him to talk”

Will he ever acknowledge what I’m going through or is it a lost cause. 

How can I talk to him without him shutting down or berating me? 

*** he is in DBT, not sure if it’s working