IT developer if it makes any difference.

Work stress is a trigger for me especially when people do their little comments or passive agressive behaviors.  If someone doesn't like me for some reason and if they know this about me, many people have done things just to mess with my head.

Well, with bipolar, it's hard to manage it perfectly for longer than 5 years.  The paranoia has cropped it's head here and there, but last year my life took a tumble and my mental health with me.  

While the company has been supportive, there's something powerful that this mental illness does.  

There are certain events that stick in my head for a long time, and I have to address them sooner or later.  Often it is some attack on me or my ideas, and while I don't hold resentment necessarily, these things keep adding weight to my psyche.  

I don't need to go into details, but I made a few complaints last week, and news has gotten around leadership level.  A couple have become passive agressive this week, and they're aware how it has affected me in previous jobs.

Well, I have to mentally ward it off, and I was finally able to calm myself down this evening.  I slowed my racing thoughts.  I went outside to take the garbage out and I actually smelled grass instead of focusing on the buzz of paranoia.

I'm going to be going into work tomorrow knowing that even if they want me gone, I'm looking for a new job anyway.  I have FMLA, so I'm pretty sure I would already be gone if my job wasnt protected.

It really sucks when my paranoia is a self fulfilling prophecy for turning work against me.  I hate this disease some times.