I’m not really sure why I even started to type this out. Maybe it’s my own way of coping because my job allows me to help people by talking them through their crisis, but there’s some people that I just feel like I failed. I couldn’t help them. Maybe this is what I wish someone would tell me… I don’t really know. I’ve really been working hard on trying to piece myself back together. Sometimes I hate the fact that I can help the people asking me for help, but yet I can’t even do that for myself some days. 

The past two years have been so tremendously challenging, but the holidays only amplify that loneliness when you can’t even surround yourself with the loved ones that you so dearly miss. For some, today might not feel all that merry, because it feels like everything but. Maybe you’ve lost a loved one, or you feel like you’ve lost yourself. Maybe you don’t even have the family that you once did, either because you feel like you’ve been abandoned, that you’re not good enough, or that you’re not lovable enough. That you’re so broken, you don’t feel like anything could ever fix you. 

Please know that you do deserve to be loved. You are worth it. You deserve to be here. You are enough. You are not broken. 

You deserve to live. 

I work as a 911 dispatcher, and over the years, I have heard so many cries for help from people who just want someone to listen. For someone to actually hear what they’re saying because they feel like no one else will. Some of the voices I’ve heard are so desperate for someone, anyone to care, because no one in their life has shown that they do. Some people are lonely, and just want someone to talk to. I’m grateful that my job allows me to ease some of the burden that a person might be feeling, that I can take some of the weight off of their shoulders. I’m grateful that I can listen to them, that I can tell them that someone does care about them, and I can help them get the resources that they need. 

But there have also been times when that persons burden was just too much, that nothing I could have done would have ever had been enough to convince them that they were worth it. That they felt the weight of their struggle was just too heavy, and that the world would just be better off without them. I couldn’t save them, because they didn’t feel like they deserved to be saved. 

But every single one of them did deserve to be saved. They all deserved to live. 


You are worth it. You are a good person who deserves to be here. You deserve to feel happy.  

You deserve to live. 


Should've stayed. Were the signs I ignored?
Can I help you not to hurt anymore?
We saw brilliance when the world was asleep.
There are things that we can have but can't keep.


If they say...
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In the sky of a million stars,
It flickers, flickers.
Who cares when someone's time runs out?
If a moment is all we are,
Or quicker, quicker.
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do.


The reminders pull the floor from your feet.
In the kitchen, one more chair than you need, oh.
And you're angry. And you should be. It's not fair.
Just cause you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there.


If they say...
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In the sky of a million stars,
It flickers, flickers.
Who cares when someone's time runs out?
If a moment is all we are,
Or quicker, quicker.
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do.


I do...


Who cares if one more light goes out?
In the sky of a million stars,
It flickers, flickers.
Who cares when someone's time runs out?
If a moment is all we are,
Or quicker, quicker.
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do.



Well I do.