Hello, 20F bipolar two, 5mg abilify and 100mg lamictal for the last year and a bit. 

I had really bad suicidal ideation since my early teens, even being hospitalized for it at 17 (though my actions were because of Prozac). 

Recently I’ve been having these thoughts again but I’m not depressed, not manic either. I’m just so angry at myself over everything I’ve said and done that I just want to die. I haven’t hurt myself but I keep thinking and imagining myself punching the wall until my wrist breaks. 

I guess my whole question is, those who have had consistent SI in the past, does it just keep coming back? Am I just in a phase and it’ll go away? I’ve been stable in ways I’ve never felt before for the last year and now I’m worried I’m falling into a hole again.