Ever since I started high school I have felt out of place, this may be partially due to the fact that I have a scholarship to a private school where I am not as well of as most of the other kids but I have come to realize that this isn't the case.  There are many there who have their education paid for and still fit in and others with money who are not snobby and nice people, I seem to be the problem and it's not just at school it's wherever I go. Nobody wants to carry a convo with me even though I try and engage with people. I haven't had a meaningful conversation with a girl my age for years at this point and I seem to have lost the ability to talk to girls which is very sad considering kids my age have gf's or even friends that are girls. The fact that I go to an all-boys school doesn't help that either because where do I even go to meet any girls? Moving on though most people tell me that it gets better in college and it's been tough in high school with covid blah blah blah. I am trying very hard to trust people who tell me this but it becomes harder and harder each day as we have returned to normal routine and nothing has changed. At this point in my life I just don't want to be alone, I want someone to enjoy my company and feel as though I have some value in life so that I know my life is worth living. This goal is very tough to achieve at this point and I believe impossible because of my looks, personality, confidence, attitude etc. I will continue to try in life and go to Uni where I will try for the first 2 years, if nothing develops I will get a gun license to acquire a gun and blow my brains out. This is my plan for my life and at this point, I doubt I'll survive past 20. For anyone reading this please if you see someone alone and down and have the confidence to talk to people please reach out and try and maybe try and make some plans with them because I don't want anyone else to go through this.