I'm undiagnosed, but ever since I've stumbled across what Borderline Personality Disorder is, I fit the bill pretty damn well. Ever since I can remember I would dissociate myself from everyone. I never thought of it as been bad, just my unique way of coping with my emotions. As I got older I noticed I would cry at the any spark of conflict. I would get into states of anxiety and depression that causes my insides to feel empty, this feeling could last a few hours to a couple days. Again, none of these things were alarming to me. I didn't have many close friends growing up, but I did know a lot of people. It wasn't until after high school I reliezed how much I was affected by my perception of what people thought of me was. If someone said bad things about me, I believed it. If someone said good things about me, I believed it. But only because it had been recently said to me. As I started going to community college and working, the stress would often cause me to feel like I was having out of body experiences, my face and hands would go numb, and my vision blur. I always believed my troubles socially we're because I had ADHD, which led me to be fond of Adderall. ADHD and Borderline Personality Disorder or so similar, that for awhile, the Adderall was godsend. It gave me the energy to be productive, it gave me the energy to enjoy liesure activities, but it also made me even moodier. My mood swings became more frequent. At the time of all this I've been dating the girl of my dreams, someone I am very fond of. Without knowing over the course of a year, I had pushed her away and almost lost her last night... For awhile it felt like I did lose her, and when she wanted to end it, I can't put it in words how scared I was. I threatened suicide... I didn't want to hurt her, but I couldn't bare not having our connection. I'm planning on getting professional help. I honestly don't think I'm going to get better, I don't trust myself to not ruin it. 
