So, I won't get into details, not only I would write waaaaay to much but I'm pretty sure it would trigger me I have no energy for that. 

As you know, having a favourite person is extremely exhausting for both. I am too tired for this. I am sick of crying because she forgot to answer or just didn't feel like it and overreacting over stupid things like "I miss my ex-bestfriend" or "I wish I had friends like *insert celebrity here*". 

It is not only exhausting but very very annoying for her and she is a very distant and independent person, so you get how inconvenient is that. 

I just want her to be my best friend. I just want to enjoy our friendship. I just want to carry on my life when she is busy instead of obsessing over what is happening. 

I am usually very introverted and distant myself, she is my first fp. My last bestfriend ended up abandoning me, talking shit about me and emotionally abusing me so maybe that's what made me so fixed on this person. I don't like it, I don't know what to do. I won't get into details about what it is between us but I really really really have to either abandon my "favoritness" or find another fp cause she is the worst person you want to be scared of losing. 

I thought about finding other friends or finding a romantic partner but it would be kind of impossible because you know, if she is my favourite my mind can't put too much energy into another person because they are not her. I can't explain but I think you know what I mean. 

What should I do? She is getting a little distant at the moment because she is trying to get to live outside the internet and we are long distance friends. Maybe that helps because I learn to breathe without talking to her constantly but almost every wake moment not being in touch with her feels so wrong and even though I know she is alright and not mad at me and I have literally no reason to feel so anxious it is killing me.

How to I get to stop thinking about her without feeling like I am betraying our friendship? Should I try to get more involved in my relationship with others? Get in a romantic relationship? Try to talk to her less? How do I do it without losing our friendship? 