Does anyone else feel like death or prison is the only way? 

I'm committed to treatment. I've been in therapy for 5-6 years now, but I feel like even with all the progress I've made, I'm still so far from the mark. I'm still self-sabotaging. I'm still struggling to regulate my emotions. Worst of all, I'm still hurting the people I love. Whenever I date someone new, I can see their disposition change as they get to know me. I can see their pain. I can see them grow tired and weary. I can see their passion and love wilter into resentment until, finally, they leave. I'm so ashamed. 

Are we being selfish for trying to have relationships? Are we just spinning our wheels, destroying everyone on our path as we go? Is the world better off without us? Would we be better to completely disconnect? 

I sometimes feel like I'm evil, and need to be wiped out for everyone else's sake -- whether that's in a cell or a casket. 