So I fell in love at 18. He was amazing. He told me he had Autism, so I told him about my diagnosis. I was in high school. He was 21. We were madly in love. Well being in a relationship with him caused my friendship with certain people to end. He was friends with my friend and her mom. He'd spend lots of time with her mom. But then she got mad because he started dating me. She set us up because she didnt think she could date him. Then she just stopped talking to me. I was so in love that I didnt care. But suddenly I started feeling like he was super creepy. He wanted to talk to me all the time. I didnt text him for like a minute once and he told me to not do that without telling him. I just couldn't bear it. He needed to know what I was doing all the time. Like if I was going out for dinner he'd start estimating how long it would take, because he wanted to hang out with me afterwards. He also started getting weird with my cousin who was in a different country at the time. He told her that he hoped her plane wouldn't crash because he heard about a recent plane crash. Then he would just start talking to her everyday. She told him to not do that and he blocked her. 

Then within a week of dating, I just felt like I couldn't continue. I didnt feel right. He would stare at me so creepily. I had to make up stories about having to be at home before a certain time. I just remember getting so annoyed and creeped out when he tried to sit in a chair I was sitting in that was meant for one person. His friend even got creeped out. I felt bad for feeling these ways so I just stayed with him. I just thought it was normal because I hadn't really been in a relationship before and he was better than most guys I had met before. It got worse. I hated when he'd place my hand over his crotch and not care when I'd pull my hand away. He'd grab it over and over again saying "just feel it". He would make me grab his hand hard because he wanted me to be more dominant in the relationship. He grabbed my hand really hard. Keep in mind hes 6'3 and I'm just about 5'8. It made me angry. 

He also made me sit on his lap and I almost fell off because he was a bit excited. I hated it. I felt awful and sick for days. It hurt afterwards. He broke up with me after about a month because he thought he was spending too much time with me and that our relationship was getting boring.

We dated again. He got mad at me because I told him to wash his hands before touching my private stuff. He got offended. Also he stopped being affectionate with me. It got to the point where it was uncomfortable. Afterwards he mentioned how I made him uncomfortable. Like if he felt affectionate I had to be comfortable with it but if he was uncomfortable he would just ignore it. He was into BDSM as well. He kinda wanted our relationship to be like that. He was mad when I said I wanted our relationship to have equal power. He started saying upsetting things about how if we lived together we would never have any privacy from each other. He even admitted to walking the route I walked from school to home. He lived at least 20 minutes away driving. He would do it by himself if I was busy or when we broke up the first time.

I felt like we were in a good relationship well into our 2nd one..But he broke up with me again because he had no feelings for me. He expressed this by pointing to his heart after saying "I have none of this for you". This was after I bought him food. He thought he was being nice to me. He also has a way of getting extra weird when he has to break bad news to me. His voice gets soft and he touches my shoulder a lot while staring into my eyes. 

Then he wanted to get together again. So I did. I felt optimistic about this. Then it turned terrible. He never wanted to choose what to do. I made suggestions but he hated them. I said we could discover new stores but apparently he preferred to do that by himself. Shortly after he ghosted me and blocked me on everything. Then a year later he apologized. He said he was depressed or something. But I had talked to other people about him. He was trying to date my friend at the time he was ghosting me. He of course denied this and said she was coming on to him. She said some very specific things though that were troubling. Most people who know him just let it slide. They told me to get used to it because he has Autism and that's just how he is. No!, that is no excuse. All his friends just accommodate him or maybe he doesnt treat them the same way. It's really maddening. Like his mom is his best friend. She doesnt seem to care about anything he does. I've thought about telling her but I dont want to open that can of worms. He still wants to be my friend. I mentioned so many things he did and he said he had no idea he was doing anything wrong and that he was sorry. I just dont really understand. Like everyone else other than a few people think hes really polite and charming, nice, and just perfect. I wonder if hes more manipulative than I think. He tells me about my own mental health symptoms as well. I'm 21 now. I just dont know what to do because hes very good at guilting me. If I even think about not being in this weird relationship thing we have going on, he gets all weird and makes me feel weird. He tells me to block him. He started going on about how he hated himself. I just feel stuck. I'm trying to get help by reading articles. They dont really seem to help. They mostly claim that some Autistic men dont understand consent and that they shouldnt get the same punishments for sex related crimes. Also apparently its ableist to call him creepy. I've met plenty of Autistic men who are not at all like him. Like they struggle but dont become  creepy or predatory. I just think hes an Autistic man using his self diagnosis as an excuse. My mom used to tell me to be more nice to him until she figured out just how weird he is. Also he has no desire to date again. I just feel like this whole thing is adding to my stress caused by having schizophrenia and autism. I think I have trauma or something.