I'm F, 14, (hoping no one shames me for my age), and I was diagnosed with depression a year ago. I wasn't the most honest with my therapist for fear that she'd judge me, and spill everything to my parents. So I've definitely been painting my situation in a better light. To say the least, her supposed advices aren't really helping me out. Barely, actually. 

I can't visit her often, and my next  and sadly, last visit to her would be next month. I don't think I'd be able to buy any medication either. She's an hour or two away, and gas is expensive. And buying my pills regularly would take out a huge chunk of my underpaid parents' salary. So I'm stuck with this self-help bullshit. 

To be frank, I'm lazy and stupid. I need someone or something to actually tell me what to do so that I'd actually take action. Then add the fact that I'm constantly sleepy and fatigued to bother to make an effort to even try to be human. I try to make small efforts to make this hellhole better. I made some progress actually. Last month, it got really bad. I'd wake up at 1 or 2 pm, and only get out of my room at 5 to eat a bit. It would almost be a week before I'd take a bath and the same thing goes with brushing my teeth. I've started waking up earlier now, around 8 to 10 am, and getting out of my room at 11 to 2 pm. And I've started taking better care of myself. Not the best, but significantly better.

The problem is, it took me ages to get to this point and I still feel like it isn't enough. I genuinely am just doing the bare minimum. My parents are poor and I wish I'd do more to help, and I'm constantly weighed down by the fact that my siblings are absolute role models, and our differences are night and day. 

I'm genuinely trying, but at the same time, it feels like I'm not. So I'm asking for help on wtf to do because I genuinely have no idea on what to do at this point. Should I set up an app that reminds me what to do? How much chores should I assign to myself each day? How do I motivate myself to do things in general? How do I go through the process of "getting better"? What do I specifically need to do to get better?

I genuinely just need answers for everything. Heck, even a step-by-step guide would help me quite alot. Thank you in advance. : ))