I’m so frustrated with life . Like wtf. I can’t make it to my happy place because I’m still around people that makes me unhappy. Every since a kid, it seem like I was always searching for some other family, somebody else to take care of me…. Some type of guidance. Some help 

I’m Still living with my moma and (siblings that I don’t speak to) , haven’t had a full convo in years… don’t want to, I’ve been over sibling relationships ❌ …. 2 older brothers and sister , I’ve physically fought my sister more than I fought anybody in the street. So I don’t want nothing to do with her as I got older . 
I’ve always been the quiet one out the brunch and I am the youngest. 
Everybody always looked over me . I got very quiet over the years . Every time I opened my mouth, I was always criticized or laughed at . 
Now I’m just this mute that can’t speak up for herself . 

so everyday I wake up in this small room with my 5 year old is making me very depressed. WISHING I could protect her from the dysfunction but how can I if I can’t even make it out this house . Uhhhhhhhhh Feel like I’m going crazy I feel so fucked up bringing my baby in this world. And I don’t even got it together . and I just started learning about anxiety , depression, narcissist, etc. after having my baby and after dealing with narcissistic person (her dad) . So everything is so heavy on me, It always felt like I needed to escape my life .

I’ve always felt like I was broken I can’t do. It’s like I’m reaching for that happy life , I day dream about it , pray about it but can’t seem to keep that grip . Alll these years going by and no progress is making me depressed. 
My anxiety keeps me broke . Can’t keep a job, because I’m always uncomfortable. 

I wanna be better for me I want to be a better moma . I don’t want to ask for help from so called family anymore . I just get looked down on or talked about . I’m tired . I’m tired I’m tired .