So today, I again find handsome guy on a dating app. 

He started showing interest and proposed to meet today. 

I started to explain him what I am and everything about bpd. 

I told him that I like him and I literally need to take diazepam or drink litter of wine to be dare to meet him. 

On what he responded me - so drink one litter of wine. 

I said - I don’t drink. 

He said - then diazepam. 

Move on, I explained him from the beginning that I care too much about meeting handsome guys and really can pull up mask and meet any ugly, old or alcoholic.

Eventually he said to me - you know, unlike you, I would still get what I want. Not with you. But today another guy similar to you would ride my d. 

And how after that you would trust ppl again! This is not like one exception, its like basically everyone is so self-centered, egoistical, not empathic, not responsible. 

I literally devastated. I can’t handle this feelings over and over again. I would find someone who I like and then - fake it till you make it. Make everything to make it fall apart. 

Everything I want rn is too cry and drink whole jar of coffee.