I've been struggling with depression for about six years now. My parents never got the concept of me being sad. Claiming I have too good of a life to be possibly depressed. Smile more was what they told me. 

In ninth grade, I finally decided to tell my mom that I was feeling depressed and was having suicidal thoughts. Of course, the thoughts were passive at the time. She broke down crying and said she would get me help. She couldn't bear me doing that. Nothing happened. I never said anything else and neither did she. 

Last year, at my physical my doctor told me a had mild depression (of course I lied about my suicidal thoughts and past attempts). The doctor gave us numbers for therapists and everything. My mom almost broke down again and said it was time we get me some help. Nothing happened. She wasn't 'able to get' a therapist. I have a feeling it was a lie.

So now it's my senior year and I've never been worse.  The thoughts are now active. I don't know what to do. How would I ask her for them? And please don't even say not to use them as a last resort. I just need advice. 

Thank you if you got this far