I recently got a blue collar job, my first full time job. I work 40 hours a work and it's something I enjoy. But going from at home 24/7 relaxing to full time is killing my mind. I idealized the job a lot, I really did want to learn in a professional environment. The pay is good, too. The coworkers are alright and I'm fairly well liked. But the amount of emotional breakdowns I hold back from on the job is ridiculous. I had to leave work early today saying I was sick because I almost passed out, still having not recovered from my bad episode last night. As someone that was already fairly suicidal, having this extra stress and responsibility makes everything just seem so dark.

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Anybody I talk to about says the stress of the job will go away, and I'm sure of that. But it's not the job that I'm stressed out about. I am always like this, but at home I could just calm myself. At work, I can't. It's not the fault of the job, it's the fault of my mind. I don't hate my job, but I would gladly quit if I wasn't judged for it and work from home for barely anything. I just don't know what to do anymore.