I've been experiencing anxiety for almost a decade now; for the most part I've had it under control and it didn't affect my daily life much. But over the past 4-5 years, it's taken a huge toll on my daily life! I have several panic attacks before important events and my mental health in genral has deteriorated. 

Earlier, everytime I had anxiety - I'd calm myself down after a while and focus on my work &amp; finish it. Anxiety motivated me to work harder and study longer. I would work extra harder under pressure and anxiety! 

But recently, it's been the opposite! 
I'm calm for the most part but a few days/months before important events - like exams or events where I have to socialize, I start panicking and feel jittery, become irritable and can't focus on things I need to prepare for. So as I result, I spend my time trying to calm myself down or I procrastinate or completely avoid situations which induce anxiety. 

(Or) I become very apathetic. I feel numb, I don't feel the pressure at all. Which is good? But I need to feel a little bit of pressure so I can be motivated to work harder and be enthusiastic. But I feel numb like a vegetable, I feel indifferent and apathetic and I screw it up; eg I fail exams cause I suddenly don't care, or I half ass things. 

Either ways I can't really focus much, I usually avoid things that incite anxiety. Is there anything that I can do to solve this? I tried explaining this to my therapist, but she doesn't really understand it and kept dismissing me. Therapy is really expensive where I'm from and I don't think I can consult someone else. 

Has someone been through something similar? Can someone help me with this :) 

Thank you!