most of the time i dissociate when i'm under very intense emotional stress, and it feels like seeing myself from above, maybe like moving through a dream, or i suddenly 'come to.' sometimes it's just emptiness, feeling alienated from my body, as if the identity i thought i had has separated from me and i just exist beside it, but it isn't scary, just odd in the moments i become aware of it.

but today in my class (ideal setting), i felt the second type, only it was much more intense, like reality was crumbling around me and of course that made me panic after a while. i really thought i would lose it and start screaming and crying or just faint, so i tried focusing on staying in control and i was scared that i wouldn't be able to. this was two hours after i had a great meeting with one of my tutors, went for a walk and just enjoyed being outside for once, and i even thought that things weren't so bad after all.  i also get panic attacks sometimes, but this felt like a combination of the two, so i'm just not sure. 