my life sucks.

I was woken up at 6 today by mom. Sta myself down and finished that god awful EVS project. My grandmother hovers over me time to time, annoying me even more or throwing taunts. 

The day before I had a fit, furiously locked myself in the bathroom while my mother shouted how I have a better life than any other 17 year old. Today after completing my project I picked up to read a novel for ten minutes- my grandmother spots me. Proceeds to berate me for reading useless stuff and that if I showed half as much interest in academics I wouldn't be a failure.

My back hurts. My acne isn't getting any better. I'm fat. I have an awful haircut. I have to go to school today. I don't want to.

Two days ago I cried myself to sleep. Today while sitting at my desk I had the urge to grab the scissors and just end my existence there and there. I stopped. 

I have no friends, no social life. I have one close friend, and I cannot even talk to her as I like because my phone is under constant scrutiny. They tell me to be more social, more outgoing. How, when you're taking my phone away and everything that I love. My hobbies don't exist anymore. The writer and reader inside me died like my happiness. 

Got temporarily happy while visiting the mall on New Year's Eve. Spotted teenagers there, looking oh so better than me. skinny, tall and dresses smartly. I felt sadness and jealously.

Was bullied at school, thought it will get better. No. I got worse, my bullies are enjoying life and posting reels on Instagram.