I’m white male 47 - as I’m getting older I’m feeling more and more isolated. I’m down to one person I would say is a best friend. I’m probably not in his top 5. I’m scared to know the truth but not knowing helps.

I don’t blame anyone for the situation I’m in, if I’m being honest I don’t blame people for not liking me. I’m sure I am a taxing relationship. I used to do cool things but I haven’t felt motivated in a long time.

How can I fix this - I can’t muster the motivation to change the things that are holding me back. When I get depressed I start making poor health choices.

I have tried several times to find talk psychiatry only to be roadblocked by referrals to nurse-practitioners which I am suspicious of - I don’t make great choices because I am sad or angry.

I just can’t get up and go like I used to and  I am embarrassed  at how my weight, movement and motivation have declined.

I have been a burden on my partner with toxic behavior I’m trying to improve. I was doing a thing where I was getting mad at her being depressed which I am so ashamed now that I’m aware of it. I have been expressing myself better but it took a real come to jesus moment for me to get to it.

I don’t know what to do next and I’m kind of homebound by anxiety which blossomed into homebound by weight and anxiety.

I’m scared of a crazy neighbor - just all sorts of shit. I have to talk with someone, how can I do this Reddit?