I am crushed.  

I wanted to score the highest on this. I was studying so hard, so well. But I spent the night before having the worst panic attack ever. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't stop crying. I felt so alone. Every cell in my body wanted me to kill myself. Instead of studying, I was meticulously planning another attempt. 

I feel so bad. I don't wanna do this anymore.  

It hurts, everything hurts so, so much. I hate this disorder. I hate how it's making me feel, I hate how it's keeping me from my goals and aspirations. I hate that I spend more time pondering over death than I should be devoting towards making my life better.  

I can't do this anymore.