I just wanted to know… if anybody else here has been diagnosed with “delusions”. I’m not at all inwardly depressed (I’m not a woe is me kind of person), I generally hate being alive and experience anhedonia. I am very pessimist and suicidal thoughts dominate my episodes. I refuse any notion of hope and would rather hold onto death than “get better”. Does anyone else feel nihilism/outward despair rather than self loathing? How do you cope? Has therapy worked? 

I don’t want to go to therapy anymore. I don’t want medications. It’s all a waste when I’m not long for this place.