I've been in DBT now twice in about four years and each time I've worked with someone who supports this therapeutic model its ended up with me being really angry, my therapist being really angry with me, and my therapist wondering why I just can't accept the DBT model.

On the other hand, (I've moved around a lot due to grad school and life in) I had a therapist in Denver who was my first therapist really and one in Minneapolis I really connected with and made good progress with and they didn't use strict DBT models. Yes we talked about skills from time to time but there was a lot of processing and finding the motivators for behaviors instead of the hey I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'll hold an ice cube and if that doesn't work then I'm not trying hard enough stuff. 

Now before anyone gets defensive I know it works well for some people but I feel like I've been shamed when I say DBT doesn't work for me because I don't like the hierarchical nature of the therapy, I don't like how processing takes second to skills and I don't like how in strict DBT I feel like I'm reporting to a boss with a report instead of a trusting, empathetic, caring therapist who if I screw up we can work through it instead of reporting to someone where if I screw up its like you need skills.

Which leads me to why I'm bringing this up now. I have trouble holding a job and I got fired from another one a month ago. My therapists response was that I need more skills training. So I signed up for a DBT IOP and that was a huge disaster and ended up with an unplanned stay somewhere not super pleasant.  I found the skills group unhelpful because they were just re-reading the binder and if I really want to use skills the binder tells me how and I can read it on my own.

I'm really looking for support here because I feel like there is this overwhelming support for DBT and at times it feels like if it doesn't work for you then you're not trying hard enough which is a bit worrisome to me because that kind of group think can often lead to really negative results and suggests a cult of personality or a cult in general. Marsha is only one person, DBT doesn't work for everyone, there's more to recovery than skills.