Essentially over the last two years I've degenerated into this decrepit portrait of what already was a broken human being. I have hardly gone outside since the pandemic started, if at all. Had a terrible breakup, the few 'friends' I had abandoned me, relatives stopped talking to me, no job and now years behind on my education. 

Anxiety has been paralyzing since spring of 2020. Heavy depersonalization, daily panic attacks, to the extent where now I am unable to even drive for more than ten minutes at a time. My resting blood pressure is now 140/90, my insomnia is severe (I've gotten no more than four hours of sleep a night for the last 18 months straight). Put on 80lbs in the last 2 years from stress eating. 

Tried a few medications, all of which had significant side effects and actively increased my anxiety. I tried working out and eating healthy but I can barely eat anything as I have severe ulcerative colitis, I'm so tired and disoriented I can hardly get out of bed, so I resumed my old habits. 

I finally was persuaded to join a PHP and now I'm struggling with even attending. I hate crowds, hate group environments, and am especially distrustful of this situation. I may just honestly quit it, I don't see any benefit to this besides insurance making bank off of my suffering.