Yesterday my dad yelled at me again. He said so many hurtful things. But I didn't cry, I didn't worry. Because I know when things get out of control I can commit suicide. It's like I'm happy because I'm suicidal. I don't worry much about my abusive dad or suffocating family. I'm able to find peace even amid chaos. It's because I feel like I have control over my life and my self, that's my ability to end it when I don't want it. Sorry if it doesn't make any sense. I felt happy, so I just wanted to say it somewhere.