For the past 4 or 5 years I've been in and out of depressive episodes but throughout this year I've been spiralling really bad and I'm not sure I can take much more. Everything I've put effort into has turned out to be fruitless and a waste of time. I've lost all of my friends after realising none of them could give less of a shit after I moved schools. My "friends" knew about my situation and never even attempted to reach out or invite me to anything. The person I saw as a romantic interest turned out to be a massive prick who used me to make themself feel better. Then as soon as I tried to seek comfort and saw the bad in them they instantly changed into a different person so i decided it was best to cut communication off. It still hurts really bad because every single relationship I've had has been so horrendously bad, I'm not sure if I can even trust anyone enough to open up and give them my love. My family is on the brink of collapsing due to my dad's raging alcoholism and saying it would be better to just leave, my mom's extreme fatigue due to working very frequently and my sister's often absence. I haven't gone to school in like a month or more because I honestly just candle handle it. I have major tests coming up soon and I don't think I'll be able to pass them or even do well enough so I'll just be stuck in the education system for longer. I haven't left the house in ages either so I just feel trapped and unsafe. I've slowly become disinterested in things I used to take joy in and everything seems so dull. I wish I could go back 4 years and restart. I don't want to even try anymore. The effort I put into stuff for it to give nothing in return pains me so much. I can't do this any longer