Using a different username as friends and family members are reddit users and know my username.

Been diagnosed with BPD earlier this year after having a breakdown last year after moving in with my SO's family. Started to self-harm where my boyfriend couldn't see anymore so he kicked me out (he doesn't see it that way and believes this was a decision we made together and is not influenced by his family members) i went back to my parents - who were my abusers from my childhood years - then upon loosing my job due to my mental health deterioration my parents kicked me out for the 2nd time (1st time was when I turned 18). 

I became homeless, had been separated from my pets and my partner after I have been with my partner for over 5 years now and had my pets with me all the time living just us. When I lived with my partner, I started having issues with my mental health but at this point I was as bad as I have been in the past year. I was able to work and do things for myself and was actually genuinely happy being with my partner and my pets. 

This past year - I lost all that, I am no longer happy, I am constantly being impulsive and constantly having suicidal thoughts, on top of all seeing colors and occasionally hearing things. I am receiving psychiatric help (which helps at times, but they cannot control still how I think or how my relationships are working out) and am constantly being monitored by my doctor. Currently am on Mirtazapine 30mg which have been helping me eat and sleep. The rest of me is not getting better, its not that I don't want to. I want to feel happy how I used to, I fear I am doing everything wrong and I have so much hatred for everybody in my life - except my partner.

And today, he told me he is not sure he can be with me anymore. He acknowledges that my mental health deteriorating is caused by his family and friends, but hes not sure how he can be happy with me anymore, he said he has more unhappy moments then happy moments with me. 

I am now hating myself more for everything that his friends and family did, for the way my parents abused me when I was younger and are still mentally abusing me now. I fear they are actually after me and are turning him away from me, so I can never be happy again. 

But how I be happy, if he's not happy? How can I overcome this? Why is it the only person I truly loved and was genuinely happy with, who made me a better person now turning his back against me? He said he wants to talk properly tomorrow when he comes over. I just don't know how to work through it, I feel empty, alone and worthless-I don't want to be. What am I doing wrong? 

Thank you for reading, I have left a lot of information out and tried to get straight to the point,so I do apologize, please let me know how I can make things clearer. Any advice would be appreciated, from some ways you guys have handled certain relationships. Anything to try with moving forward. 

Just don't hate me and not respond :{ I do hope you'll respond with anything. I just want to know I'm not alone.