Hi! Sorry, this is my first post. Please let me know if I need to edit the flair/title or fix anything.  


I don't reallty know where else to go, I feel really alone in my grief. To keep things short, 4 months ago my relationship of 4 years ended. I feared it was coming because we were having some trouble, but of course it hit me unspeakably hard. I seemed ok at first, either angry or neutral, but in recent months I've only sunk into a really bad depression, bad thoughts and dangerous habits.  


About a month ago, I started talking to my ex partner again— we mean a lot to each other, and want to remain friends. This actually brought some light back into my life, and I was (am) so happy to have him back. However I notice myself getting really attatched to him again (understandably), where I feel really distressed, lonely and in even more pain than before whenever he's away (we spend less time together now, of course). Like the pain of having your FP be away from you.  


My ex-partner also talks about flirting with other girls and doing that kinda stuff on social media, along with how well he's doing. I *want* to be mature about this and *be* happy for him, and I am, but it's also very painful and upsetting. I catch myself feeling too sad to function, or wanting to impulsively get his attention so he comforts me like he used to when we were together. I understand this is ***not*** right by him, but I have no idea what to do with all my love, sadness and feelings. I tell myself that I should go no-contact for his sake, so there's no risk of me bothering him when he's doing so well by himself, but I know I probably won't have the courage to do it because... what do I do with myself then? I should make new friends, exercise, eat better, but I don't have the will. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do to stay safe, emotionally harmless to my ex-partner, and maybe feel better in time?

I'm sorry for the long post, I think I just need advice and understanding :(