Recently life has been getting even worse and worse than I thought it could get. I've been having a lot more suicidal thoughts on a regular basis. I've been trying to fill the metaphorical hole in my chest with alcohol and drugs, relapsed on my self harm and lost all my friends. I just don't know what to do, and I don't know what's real in this life. It's all such a fever dream. The only thing keeping me sane and stopping me from losing my mind completely at this point is my dearest and closest friend who I live with in my flat. But besides that it feels like everyone hates me. I recently just lost one of three people who actually cared about me in the city I live. But I'm hoping moving cities soon will be enough to give me some hope and revive my motivation in a sense. In general I'm just a real danger to myself right now.