So here goes I live very rural and needed somewhere to talk about this. I am 24 F and expecting in the spring, my sister just had her baby this morning, she lives 12 hrs away.

My relationship with my sister is a bit on the rocky side, we don't fight or anything but I distance myself from her because of past hurts and distrust. She displays alot of characteristics of our bipolar dad that sends me into panic or avoidance mode. I just try to support from afar.

Since getting pregnant there has been a lot of pressure for us to hang out more because our kids are going to be the same age. We never knew we had family growing up (cousins, aunt/uncles). And I've been really working on fostering a better relationship with her, usually goes pretty well.

When I get the text that she's going into labor, I got pretty excited and tell her husband I'm thinking of her. But literally when I get pictures with her and the baby an hour later my stomach cramps and I get hit with an anxiety attack. 

Our mom calls me and starts talking about how excited I must be and doesn't this just make me feel wonderful?? How can I tell any of them that I'm flipping out? Of course I'm glad she's safe and the babies healthy. Why the heck am I even panicked?

Sorry for the long post I am just so overwhelmed and confused and there is no way I would bring this up to my family. I'm not here to cause drama and I really do want our kids to know each other. So why did I react this way? Welcome to any thoughts or opinions.