The only difference is now I hurt alone, I don't reach out so I deal with my nightmares alone. Now there's this added 24/7 anxiety of existential dread because I refuse to make anyone even remotely responsible for my misery even when it's their fault. I have withdrawn myself and stopped responding to social reach outs. I respond only when work calls or a loved one needs my help. I don't have friends anymore in a true sense of the word, there's always strings attached and I have completely lost faith in any relationship in general. 
I'm not doing well. I have a growing abyss inside me that refuses to show any sign of slowing down its growth. I don't feel hungry most of the time and get by only only careless meal a day (no breakfast, snacks, eating out). I have grown to hate the process of eating itself. 
Ever since I realized nobody's coming to save my ass and I have burnt far too many bridges to even think about starting to reach out, I'm sinking into this faster.