I dream of doing so many things and yet I find myself here, sitting here not doing anything about it.
I imagined writing and doing great things while I sat on my best friends couch, starring outside at the electronic billboard. I miss that. 
I want to host a radio show again but, I’m so reserved man. I don’t really want to speak or be around people. 
This moment really feels like deja vu. 
I know this feeling alll to well. 
So many parts of my life feel like I’m walking a preset path but where is it all going?
I’m losing my mind feeling like nothing is going to change if I don’t change but yet, everything is changing and I’m just witnessing it all go by me. 
Why is it that I can’t have the energy to do things for more than an hour or two? 
I can get things done because I can’t deal with the anxiety that comes with being a failure yet, I never ever feel a sense of accomplishment whenever I finish any task no matter how big or small. 
I can’t bring myself to do something until I absolutely have to, I’ll get sucked into it and ask myself why I couldn’t just do it but once it’s done, I have to go through the entire process of not being able to start up again. 
It’s so exhausting, why can’t I just go? 
I can’t do anything at all until I feel like if I don’t then the world will burn. (Whether it’s being with friends, doing work, engaging in my hobbies, talking to someone etc)
It’s not like I don’t care, but I’m always aware of the need to do something but I will find any excuse to avoid it. 
I don’t know.