I get very very angry or irrationally upset over little things to where it causes me to have a complete breakdown and spiral into suicidal thoughts. Then I'm "fine-ish" again. It happens over and over. It just happens before I can think or stop it. I am in therapy, seeing psychiatrist and on meds but none had helped. 

Am I the only one who does this? I was told this is a trait of bpd. I just feel so stupid and like shit after I blow up, cry uncontrollably with suicidal thoughts then it goes away and I am embarrassed. 

Also I'll never be loved and ACCEPTED with my bpd. Call me petty but I just saw posts of people talking about loving their bpd partners. My SO had TRIED...damn have they tried to help me but they are so worn out from my constant mood swings they have just reached a breaking point. They are NOT a bad person...I am. I am the one with the insane uncontrollable outbursts. I don't deserve love. Im sure they will leave me. Sadly I'm also physical disabled and cannot live independent or work. It just hurts knowing I'll never be loved it accepted unconditionally by anyone but my dog. 

Ok rant over. If anyone comments please leave kind comments I'm not in a good mental state right now.