I am extremely, extremely pathetic. I really hate myself and how I treat others, but I feel like I screw up no matter what I do. I moved senior year to a new city, and was excited yet very scared. On one hand, I would be alone and not have my previous friends. On the other hand, a new beginning and no one would know me. I have not ever been popular. I have always been largely disliked at school for various reasons. However, recently I had a slight "glo up", and with the masks, I was so happy that I could maybe finally be liked generally. It started off that way. I was invited to parties and things. However, slowly as the year went on people realized how pathetic I am. I got a bf this year, and I have slight attachment issues so I really liked him, however we broke up quite quickly (about 3 months). Now, I am so alone. He took all my time, and broke up with me for losing feelings, which i respect. My mental health was already super bad with stress from applying to colleges and some family health issues. After that though, it has been so horrible. I realized how fucking alone I am and how boring and pathetic I am. I reacted to the break up so pathetically, begging him to stay. After, I have been like fucking bothering him weekly still until now because I just want to be his friend since I do not have many people here. I made him hate me with how I reacted, but he is maybe one of the people I care most about in this city. Last year I was suicidal for awhile, and I was fine from july until recently. I cant go through this again, especially without support from my friends. I just want to do well and get into a good program. I feel so sick of being stuck in my body, being pathetic and clingy and having no one who cares. I dont even know why I typed this all out. I am really struggling emotionally and mentally but I have no idea what to do. I have been working out and trying to love myself, but it feels as if nothing is working. Anyways, thank you so much for reading. I want to make it clear, I will not commit, it is more just thoughts I am dealing with. I am religious and only used to self-harm, but I have never attempted. 

TLDR; i hate myself and am super alone in a new city