Yesterday sucked and today I’m feeling bad too. I work both of my jobs today and I just don’t have any desire to be around.

I’m in credit card debt ($4500), still paying off rehab, I feel like I have so many bills. I don’t want to to work two jobs anymore. I don’t have any plans to kill myself but I don’t want to be alive anymore.

I’m sick of waking up every day just filled with anxiety. I feel hopeless every day and feel like life is never going to get better. I feel like I just worry about money constantly and all I can focus on is being anxious. I really don’t want to try anymore.

The hopelessness is so overwhelming sometimes and I feel like I can’t get out of it. I’m just sitting here at work feeling like crying. I work until 9:30pm and it’s only 8:30am. 

Is this all there is to life? Just work and anxiety? I’m not going to hurt myself but I just wish I wouldn’t wake up. I miss when I was younger and didn’t feel sad and stressed all of the time. 

I texted the suicide hotline. I texted yesterday too. I usually don’t use those lines but I didn’t know where else to go today. 

Thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far. I just need to let everything out.