Okay, so I literally am so low right now that I don't feel like I have the energy to write this, but I need direction and advice. This guy I was in a serious long-term relationship with dumped me through a text, then a letter, and is ignoring me completely. Now, I have been suspecting for about a year now that I have BPD, but was not diagnosed until after he left as I just never had the energy if that makes sense,, and for some reason I felt like the professional wouldn't believe me? He first ignored me for a week, dumped me through a text, I went to his work a week later and he stayed over and we made up, only for shit to happen with his family (They hate me, likely rightfully so to be honest) and then he left again, ignored me for another week, I went to his work again, he got his manager to give me a letter he wrote basically saying he loved me but just couldn't deal with me, which I get because I had been terrible the past few months. I had been having severe moodswings along with violent outbursts and plenty of self-harming, clinging to him, and then going through periods that I would call numbess, where I just felt dead. I already had been diagnosed with an ED, and struggled with anxiety which I was very open with him about. Anyways, finally got a diagnosis but I am not in therapy, can't afford it to be honest, and I just feel very directionless. I completely isolated myself during the relationship and now I have nobody that really cares, and I'm lost. I'm sorry this isn't even structured and is all over the place, I'm a mess right now.