Hey guys! I'm new here. Kind of. But this is my first time posting. I need your help. Desperately. And you guys seem pretty understanding. So here goes nothing. 

I have been dating this woman for 8 months. Maybe 9. I don't know for sure. We were in a LDR. 12 hours apart; 830 some-odd miles (Keep this in mind). I'm moving closer to her within 2 months and she knows this. 

When we finally met in person, it was love at first sight. For me at least. I knew, as soon as I was in her presence, that I wanted to marry her. If I could wake up everyday and learn something new about her, I'd be the happiest woman in the world. 

We obviously didn't get to spend much time together because of the distance. But every chance I got, I went to see her. Driving 12 hours by yourself isn't easy. Especially when you hit the road right after an 8 hour shift. I never flew because I never really knew when I would be able to visit. So every trip was kind of spur of the moment. Talk about spontaneity. 

Anyway, about 5 months into us dating, she finally tells me that she is bipolar and has BPD. She'd known for over a year. And I understood that it wasn't easy telling me. I kind of had an idea that she may be because I have a few friends that are bipolar as well. But it didn't bother me. I was prepared. Or at least I thought. After she told me, I began doing research but not very much since I didn't really see her showing and signs of being different than the woman I was beginning to know. 

HOWEVER, after we had our first fight, I saw a different person. She was angry and irritable. It seemed like she took it all out on me. The fight was over something small in my opinion. But now, I understand that she sees thing very differently than me. We didn't talk for a few days and then everything went back to being semi normal. Except, I began to notice that she would treat me differently. 

Our fights became more frequent and longer-lasting. We wouldn't talk for days. Days then turned into weeks. Our longest period of not talking was 7 weeks. Then, we got back on track. She told me that she loved me for the first time and it was music to my ears.    She told me twice :-) she then told me that she wanted me there with her because she wants to come home to me every night. So I visited again soon after. Spent a little time with her. Then hit the road to be back in time for work. It was just like it always was when we got together. Nothing else mattered as long as we had each other there. 

After I left, maybe a week..2 max, our communication slowed a lot. And I said something about it. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I wasn't rude or sarcastic. I just expressed myself. She flipped. Told me to get over myself and that she was busy.  Then told me that she didn't want to be with me. And it crushed me. I didn't think that asking for a text here and there to let me know how she was doing was a big deal. 

We haven't really spoken since then. I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know what to do. I don't know if she was serious or if she was going through an episode. I just don't know guys.

Every time we go through this, my confidence in us, as well as myself, goes down. But there's something in me that says don't leave and give up on her like this. But I don't know if that voice is being stupid and is possibly making me look like a jackass for trying to stay by someone's side who says they don't want me. But I do love her more than a lot of things in this world. 

I'm not sure where to go from here. Do I stay and let this pass like it has before? Or do I walk away and cut my losses? Is this a common thing with bipolar or bpd? She's an amazing person and she deserves the best. But I'm not sure anymore if I'm what she needs. And that makes me...sad. 


Thank you for your help and input in advance. I really appreciate it. 


P.S. She is not medicated. Refuses to be. But she does meditate.