So I haven’t been away from my partner in about 5 months bc we both work from home now due to covid which is fine, we hardly ever fight and if we do it’s extremely mild and I genuinely enjoy his company. BUT I haven’t done anything in my own for more than a few hours and it was starting to wear me down. 

I’m currently out of state, visiting a friend of mine. We have had this trip booked since March. I was looking forward to having some time away from my partner for reasons described above. 

I’m two days in my stay at my friends and I. Am. Losing. My. Mind. 

I’m realizing now much I really do enjoy being around my partner. I feel much more on edge not being with him. I started crying last night because I missed him and then I freaked out because I don’t *want* to miss him because that means I’m dependent, right!? This means the entire two years I’ve spent building myself up to not have to rely on someone has gone to waste I’m sure. I was panicking.

Then I realized that it’s okay to miss someone and want to have them around. It’s okay to be vulnerable (something I struggle very deeply with). It’s okay to genuinely enjoy someone and love them. 

I knew being away from my partner would be good for me, but I didn’t realize I’d have this giant breakthrough and possible a huge step forward in my progress and my relationship. I’ve been so desperate to find out how to be vulnerable and affectionate. Maybe I just needed to realize how much I was taking for granted and how much I love him. 

Just wanted to share this moment with you guys because no one else would understand how big this is. I just hope the feeling sticks when I get back.