I don’t know what exactly is wrong with me- but people have been telling me it’s anxiety. 
I get this weird auto pilot on- all of the sudden remember I am alive and freak out over death. Because I’ve been so in the moment. And I think it has to do with being dissociated. Or depersonalized. 

It just happened- and the realization hit that I was real and was in fact going to die. But this time I kinda laughed at myself- and I’m preparing my bath. There is no use in over thinking it anymore. I just have to live. And I’m actually strangely at peace right now. I’m still an anxious person. But I’m tired of mulling over thoughts in my mind and letting intrusive thoughts get to me. Googling mental disorders because I’m scared I have a personality disorder or that I have DID. 

It’s the first time I was able to catch myself- chill- and go make a safe space to enjoy.