Essentially, I've done some things while unwell that I deeply regret or otherwise feel very ashamed of. My close friends that I had been talking to or were actually with me at the time, will sometimes bring up the things I've done or said whilst manic, in conversation. I've been well for nearly four years since my previous hospitalization, but it still makes me sink into my seat when those things from my past are brought up. I feel like it's regressive whenever my actions from years ago are mentioned, and I every day I strive so hard to be a better person than I was yesterday, in the way I treat others and myself.