honestly not sure what to write here I'm just feeling worse than i ever have  maybe in my life

i just don't want to live like this anymore i wanna be healthy i wanna be happy like this sucks I'm trying and trying and life just keeps kicking me

I'm only still here because of my dog

pretty sure my friends/mutuals have seen the posts I've been making on my tumblr for the last few weeks talking about su*cide

no one has really said anything and i know everyone's busy so idk if it's a case of not seeing or pretending not to see

told my friend i liked her bc i thought she did too and she said she's confused and she can't think about it bc i know what she's going thru she's my best friend and i told her to not even think about it focus on herself and im trying to help her but it seems as though she doesn't want my help or I'm doing it wrong idk it's making me feel worse. i told her I'm happy to just be friends we just vibe. posted about it in /actuallesbians and got 0 responses nothing whatsoever and my rejection sensitivity dysphoria has been out of control and that didn't help 

my friend came over to hang out and helped me with some chores and errands but i think he only did it bc he thought i was at risk so you know. guilty conscience and all. he never has time to hang out and I've talked about it with him and idk if he understands but it doesn't seem to make a difference. i honestly feel so fucking alone all the time

i wish there was something i could do. spend my savings on morphine and hope for the best