Hey everyone, I've been here before but usually just as a reader. I come here today because I need to vent to keep myself in control of my emotions. I'm 27f, boyfriend is 24m, I have bpd and have known for a long time, I read DBT books, journal, keep it basically in check that way, but there are some things I'm having a hard time dealing with that have triggered me to behave badly at times..and have been thinking about leaving the relationship, even though it puts a knot in my stomach and the thought of being without him is extremely scary to me. We've been together 2 years, the issue now is becoming his gaming, specifically WoW.. 

In the beginning he would game as well and that's totally fine, I even play myself, I have three level 90 characters in the game, the issue is that I get sick of it after like two hours of playing, and he has been playing for literally every spare moment he has for the past few weeks... I know it's because of the expansion, but I just don't understand how he can be pouring so much time into it. He works 8-5 every week day. Sometimes he will get up early to play around 6am for an hour (this is when I would hope we'd cuddle/mess around..He's ditching time in bed with me for games right off the bat.) Then he comes home for lunch from 12-1pm, goes straight to the computer, sometimes he will make small talk with me but I feel like we're really distant.  Then when he gets home from work it will be 5pm- until anywhere between 10-2... So he's gaming about as much as his full time job.  He promises it's not for long and he will get sick of the game soon... I'm just not seeing that happening. He will be talking to his friends on game chat laughing his ass off almost every night. 

This leaves me feeling inadequate and like I'm not fun..When I bring it up he becomes seriously defensive and it's very hard to continue the conversation without starting a big argument, it feels like he puts a block up towards me and just straight out ignores how I'm feeling.. when that happens shit hits the fan basically and I can totally lose control, I've been getting better at that the past couple of days though since it just.. continued and I couldn't function without putting my emotions aside about it. I always try to confront him just like, calmly and straightforward, I'm not like up in his face yelling at him about it, but he usually raises his voice, which in turn causes me to cry or yell. It's just very immature behavior all around.. 

So what I do during the day, is run an art business. I started selling my arts and crafts this year because I was very unhappy at my corporate job, so I'm busy during the week with production and trying to keep up with inventory. Weekends I am waking up early and hauling a big load of stuff over to an art show or craft fair, I do this by myself.. It kind of hurts to look around and see everyone else there with someone, their husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, helping them carry stuff and man their booths.. Now I don't mind doing it alone, I'm an independent person and have always been a "self starter" entrepreneurial type.. but a part of me really wishes he wanted to be involved in my art business somehow even if just occasionally.. like in the evenings when I'm finishing up a project, instead of going to play video games, he asks me what I'm doing or if there's anything he could help with once in a while.. I've brought this up to him before and his main concern was, "well I don't want to work for free".. and then I even offered to pay him, hourly or whatever we agreed on, not even having to come to the shows but just a couple hours in production here and there.. and he still was uninterested... I feel like, super hurt that my own boyfriend wouldn't even want any part in my art business, even if I paid him.. He's a creative person too, that's why I can't comprehend this whole situation, he's super creative, talented, smart, was even buying and selling music gear on ebay a little so I know he's business savvy.. he just got sucked into the game, and now all that is buried way way way down.. 