I'm sorry if this ends up too long, I just want to get everything I can think of out there and hope I can get some advice. So I'm a 22yo girl that has been dealing with BPD for most of my life now. I've been seeing my girlfriend for a while now and she's absolutely wonderful. Currently our relationship has to be an online relationship but the plan was to live together when we can. She's very conscious and understanding about the way my BPD affects me and never takes it personally. We can almost always find a way to talk through and work out any problems, but I'm not sure how to talk my way through and deal with a recent problem. I feel awful because I know I'm being unreasonable. I just can't help how much my BPD has been destroying me since I heard.

One of the main things that I would say affects me is when she chooses to spend time with her online friends or her one in person friend. It will trigger my BPD without a doubt and I can't stop the amount of thoughts that arise from that. I feel like she's beginning to hate me or get bored of me. Like she'll fall in love with someone else and leave me. There's more to those thoughts but I don't want to make this any longer than it has to be. It's not as bad when it's with her online friends, but it feels awful when it's with her in person friend. Something happened with that friend which has put them in a situation where they can end up homeless and my girlfriend offered them a place to stay when they can longer stay at their friends house. The only thing is that due to my girlfriends current living situation, her and that friend would then be spending ALL of their time together living together in the same room and it has been triggering my symptoms so much worse than usual. I feel so awful. I had a similar thing in the past with an ex boyfriend that resulted in him cheating on me and leaving me for the new roommate that he claimed he was just helping so I don't know how to put the trust in my partner this time when she tells me things will be okay. It's hard to convince myself that she means it despite the fact that I know I should be able to trust her.  


I already constantly feel like I'm losing her and that when she begins to get closer to someone else, she'll leave me for them. It keeps me from so much as being able to take care of myself entirely sometimes. I handled it horribly when she told me the news at first. I know she's upset with me so we've barely been talking which just makes things a thousand times worse. Even now I'm handling the situation terribly and I'm not exactly making it easier for her to try and talk to me but I just don't know how to stop myself from acting out. I don't know how handle this situation. It's taking everything not to just get upset and break things off entirely. I know this post is long and not well put together but I would love any advice from anyone that has any to give. Please. If there's anything I could cut out or maybe clarify I will. Please someone help me or talk to me, it would mean a lot to me.