i haven't been diagnosed or anything cause im too scared to. ive been crying myself to sleep for a while now. im just so tired. im tired of trying to stay strong or whatever. i dont want to talk to my friends about it because i dont want them to think im weak. i know they'd care but i dont want to bother them. i feel so lonely. i dont know why i cry but i just do. i started eating again though, i lost 35 pounds in a few weeks and was underweight , but im at a bmi of like 18-18.5. thats getting better ig. 

i was just crying because i was trying to get a razor but i sliced up my fingers doing it. it really hit me then. what am i doing to myself? idk how im going to explain the cuts on my fingers to my friends. i jave them wrapped in bandages tho so maybe i can come up with something about it me working on something and then i cut them doing it or whatever. this doesnt make sense. i dont know anymore. i want to feel loved i think. idk. thanks for reading.