i just need to get it said, i can't talk to anyone about it

i love my fp, he is my reason for existence. He has been ignoring me for most of this week now, 0 contact. when we first met he would message me all the time, first thing in morning, last thing before bed. Now, nothing.

I am not functioning at all, I spend the day trying to distract from the physical pain of yearning for his attention. I've been reading through our messages and looking at his photos. Staring for (far too long) at our whatsapp to see if he comes online.. it's consuming my life, I've not been working, fulfilling any necessary tasks etc

I feel more desperate now. At first I was just saying to myself "it's ok he's probably busy, it's only been a day" but now I feel myself wanting to slip into old habits, too many messages, calls, telling him i'm not coping well to get his response. which obviously, will push him away but I need a response, something to get him back.

 So the other option is to try and protect myself and just totally cut him off, block and delete all of his existence and I just am hopping between the 2 options constantly. angry at the lack of response, noticing patterns in past messages, finding clues that he hates me and why. and i'm suspicious, he never liked me anyway and it was fake. Then i'm crying and i miss him so much and it's just physically painful feeling such intense need.

I feel totally out of control of all of this, and have brief moments of clarity and re-appraisal, and think "this is ridiculous, stop, don't start being like this at him, i'm being selfish and making this up" then that fades and i'm back into this non-reality reality of isolation.

I'm failing at life with someone else holding the unlock to my functioning and wellbeing, and they don't even know it.