I’m struggling. I failed one class, barely passed at a “technically” passing grade in all my other classes. I’m getting forced out of my major and told I should give up my passion for medicine (for unrelated reasons to failing in school). I can barely drag myself out of bed 5/7 days and I’m only up because I have to work. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I have a safe place to live, food on the table, world class education, good friends and support system yet I can’t bring myself to pass my classes nor take my meds. I love all my classes. I really do, I study so hard yet I flunk all my exams. I love my research lab yet I can’t bring myself to even go. My psychiatrist from school was a resident so he graduated. I can’t bring myself to meet my new psych. I’m spiralling downwards again and I don’t even know if I care anymore. I’m not suicidal yet I want to drive myself into a wall at times. I don’t know why I refuse to seek help even though I clearly need help. I feel like I’ve truly hit rock bottom but I don’t know how to pick myself back up. I’m taking care of myself yet I’m not. I’m eating healthy, exercising and sleeping well. Yet I’m also buying things, crying and abusing caffeine. I pretend everything is fine so my friends won’t worry yet here I am. How do I pick myself up again? What the fuck is wrong with me?