I shouldn't have been in doubt because the abandonment issues and the crazy they produce is strong in me.

I had a fight with my best friend on Saturday and although we messaged back and forth on the Sunday, she was ignoring my messages on Tuesday and yesterday.

So, I convinced myself that she will never talk to me again, that she will call up my ex who is sort of my enemy now and be buddies with him, and this insane desperation came over me. I began thinking of ways I can manipulate her into talking to me, mainly by guilt tripping her or lying about something random. Then I thought, if that doesn't work, I will throw myself off a cliff (I think about suicide pretty much every day anyway) because I just can't live with more people abandoning me.

The logical, mature part of me knows that all of that is wrong and unhealthy. And that if someone decides they don't want anything to do with me anymore it is their right and I should respect their choice. Why does it feel like I will die if a person I care about seems like they will leave? 

This shit caused my ex-boyfriend (who I was with for most of my 20s - 8 years) to cut all contact with me and he wants nothing to do with me now. My 'frantic efforts to avoid abandonment' which were emotionally abusive, became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was so crazy and scary he had no choice but to cut all contact for his own sanity and so he could move on with his life, because I wasn't letting him. 

I would say that this is the symptom of BPD that probably causes the most shit for me and for people I care about.

I'm only ok now because my best friend texted me. In seconds a wave of calm and normality came over me. But I don't want to have my sanity dependent on whether or not people will stick around. 

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with abandonment issues?