I don't know what I'm doing, and I hate how things can change so abruptly. I hate what I don't know and I loathe what I do know. It's a cycle of hate. I hate constantly but with such a lack of enthusiasm because that's never what I wanted; I never wanted to resent anything. And yet, I find myself in the throes  of that, that hate -- that unconscionable, life-sucking force of humanity. 

I hate it here, and that brings me no joy. Perhaps tomorrow will be different, but tonight I am alone and I am afraid.