I’m tired of feeling down and then having like a week or two where I feel so powerful and eager to do shit. Then I crash, again. Then the cycle repeats. I feel all of these things, but I don’t at the same time. I feel so detached from my own emotions, I don’t know if I’m just cold inside or I don’t know or to actually process my emotions. 
I have been sheltered my whole life, I did my own homeschooling and started staying home alone at 8 years old, eventually dropped out at 16. Now I’m turning 18 in a little over 2 months, and I do nothing still. I don’t drive, I’m too scared, I don’t work cause I don’t have a license and I don’t stay at one place to have a stable job. I have never really been allowed to go see a doctor and i have had health issues for years, and they are slowly getting worse. And of course I have no money to actually take myself, but that’s on me. the cost of all the bills are going to kill me once I get the chance to go. Most of this is on me, but I just am tired of wanting better but I’m not doing better. I try, I do. But it goes no where because of me. 
I’m tired of myself being what holds be back. I just want to live my life