I’m sorry for the rant. I’m just so tired. I’m tired of being preserved one way. I’m tired of feeling so alone. I’m tired of being known as a monster because of my diagnosis. I’m tired of hurting so so so deeply and invisibly. I’m tired of having the crushing responsibility of being “normal” when I’m really not. I’ve done and am doing therapy. Im on medication. Im so tired of being this way. 28 years is enough. I remember wanting to be dead for more than 18 of those years. But the guilt of it is more crushing that the desire. I can’t but I need to. I am just so done with me.