Just need to vent and get this out of my system before I implode. Sorry in advance for a messy and long post as well as my bad English, it’s not my first language. 

My therapist ignored my previous depressive episode which lasted for 6 months, and I can’t let go of the anger I feel about it. 

I lost 16 pounds (I was already underweight) and at my lowest point I didn’t eat for four days, just drank water from the tap every now and then. My bones were sticking out everywhere and my hair started falling out. Most of the days I didn’t manage to get out of bed, and ended up with an attendance of about 5% in total the previous semester. Got $400 worth of parking tickets due to essentially being paralyzed and unable to leave my apartment to move my car from the 24hr spots outside my apartment complex. Missed several appointments and had to pay fees due to not showing up. I spent so much money during those 6 months even though I barely left my bed. It’s by far the worst depressive episode I’ve experienced. I told her all of this during every single session on the phone, but she did nothing at all to help me. Just told me that we all have bad days. 

My depression started to lift in the beginning of November, and after completely losing my shit and raging at my therapist I got diagnosed with bipolar 2 and was put on lamictal in December. It’s helped me a lot, I feel better and more stable than I could’ve ever imagined, but I can’t get over the rage I feel towards my therapist. This isn’t the first time she’s ignored my depression. 

I usually have one depressive episode per year, and during the four years I’ve seen her she’s ignored it three times (includes my previous episode). The first time around I was still in high school. She didn’t listen to me until one of my teachers who noticed I was sick came with me to a session. Second time my parents had to get involved. Both times it ended with my psychiatrist putting me on antidepressants (Prozac, lexapro), even though they’ve made me hypomanic the four times I’ve tried them.

Last week I told her I’d like to switch therapists, but she told me there’s no point in it because I’ve apparently “graduated” from therapy. So I’ll have to keep seeing her until June. I’m considering just not showing up at all, I’m out of patience and I can’t get myself to trust her anymore. I should’ve switched a long time ago, and I’m pissed at myself for letting my team talk me out of it every time. I’m so, so angry. 

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To end this post on a positive note I’m doing better now apart from the anger I feel sometimes, but I know it’ll pass eventually. My appetite is back, I’ve started going to the gym again and I feel hopeful about the future. I hope you’re all doing well!