i’m laying in bed sobbing because no matter what, i feel unloved and like my boyfriend barely tries to show that he loves me and i’m afraid he’s just doing the bare minimum because he knows i’ll stick around. this is causing me to split over any and everything, and i feel so vulnerable and stupid. 

what thing am i crying over currently? a text convo  where i pour out my heart and tell him he means the world to me and he replies with a text where half of it he’s talking about eating my boogers. there is NO reason i should be crying over this, he is so sweet and goofy but there was a time long ago where he would send messages like the one i sent him and he stopped suddenly, told me he got lazy with showing love once we got together and now i feel SO worthless. and i’m so fucking sad because i feel like i do all the emotional labor in this relationship and i know i’m being irrational and i’m a crazy bitch and i feel like i shouldn’t even be in a relationship at all because i’m so broken! 

to make matters worse i texted him after that and he hasn’t replied so i just went on tumblr to distract myself and sure enough one of his posts was on my dashboard as i scrolled so he is actively ignoring me. 

any sane person would be just fine but i lack emotional permanence and need validation like a fucking idiot. i ruin absolutely everything &amp;  i just want this pain to go away, i want to have a normal brain. if anyone reads this in it’s entirety, thank you so much. any input or support is appreciated, please feel free to message me as i don’t know anyone else w bpd and i feel so lost and alone

i’m so sorry about the typos i’m literally just crytyping
