I finally met someone who is nice but he lives 100 km from me. Drove there twice so far and this weekend again and I am already exhausted. Yeah he will come to me too soon but the distance is so exhausting for both. I get exhausted already thinking of having a relationship, while I think a relationship could help lift my depression. 

I already feel exhausted at the thought of having to date him, explain for a millionth time to a man what I want, only to hear that he's not sure yet if he wants to marry and kids, to see if I swallow that shit and adjust my dreams to his laziness. It is just what I think this is gonna be like again. I feel so demotivated to try for a man anymore. Would it be ok if i let him do the effort all the time for now until he has proven something and until he is certain that he wants the same as me? 

I get so depressed and nauseous of the thought of having to do effort for a man even just once. I have always given 200% for everyone in the past and the thought of being used again in return makes me sick. I don't know what to do. I just want to get married and call it a day. Like, this year. Should I tell him? It would avoid sooo much drain and strain and bullshit and waste of time. I am so done with that shit.