Does anyone else relate? 

So. I’m trying to get better at not splitting on ppl. I’ve found the best way for me to feel better is honestly to jst talk out my feelings with ppl. 

Let’s say my best friend upset me. Let’s say we got into a argument or she says something. Instead of splitting on her I would txt her or call her and try to tell her my feelings in a straightforward way. Like hey. You did this. And it made me feel like this. 

It upsets me though because ig low key I hate having to vocalize my feelings. I wish someone could jst read my mind. I dnt want to HAVE to tell them. But it’s the only thing that works and honestly the only thing that stops my splitting. But I feel like ppl r jst comforting me outta pity????

I’ve been having major problems. I was splitting like crazy on this guy last night and I dnt want it to keep happening. I was jst so angry. I couldn’t control it. I hate when I get that way. Honestly it terrifies me. 

When I was younger I would do a lot of rlly bad and impulsive things in my extreme anger because I jst stop caring about ppl. I stop caring about myself. I get insanely impulsive. And it’s scary /: 

Last night I was hurt because we were messaging. But I saw him in a group chat we have. He was much more vocal in the chat and taking awhile to reply to me. I took it so personally. It made me feel like I wasn’t important enough. So I splitted on him. 

After awhile he got me to call down and in my guilt I told him why I was so upset. He tried to make me feel better and tell him I am important. But tbh at that point it dsnt matter. 

I felt so pitiful. I felt like it was pity. Whenever I open up to someone I always feel like they r only staying for me out of pity. 

Does anyone else understand? Does anyone have any advice? 

It’s funny because if it was another person I probs wouldn’t have cared. But once your my FP I jst want u to talk to me. Only me. In my head if you talk to others I’m not needed nor wanted. And I hate that thinking. 

It’s so toxic because I have a few very close friends and I love them all. They all matter to me. And I dnt want to control someone’s relationships like that. 

I dnt want to feel this way. But I do.