My bpd back then used to be really uncontrollable and I feel like im going back to how I used to be. At some point I got in full control but idk what's happening to me. Today was an awful day at work, I skipped eating food so I could eat with him since that's what we normally do is eat together...

 and he ate without me.. and I got  mad at him..then I called him telling him I would be going to his house. As soon as I got there he told me he didn't know I was coming over and I reached my breaking point. When we have issues he always tells me to go home and he never wants to deal with me. I feel like im loved temporarily and as soon as I show the bad side of me I get thrown away and I feel neglected. I constantly feel guilty and super embarrassed and I think constant thoughts about how his family must hate me thinking of how unstable I am. I wanna cry because I feel like im unworthy of love. 

I feel like I don't belong anywhere... he used to comfort me when I was upset but not anymore