Massive tw for suicide and self harm.

I'm just done with life I can't anymore. I'm not a good person, even though some people insist so. I kept ignoring my best friend of over a year as they went on a holiday and when they came back I had made more friends then just him. And I grew distant as my mental health took a dive. I'm still coming to terms with the idea that he may have been manipulative but i feel like im just trying to rationalise my shittyness. I have no friends irl. They all either left me, or we grew apart. Spending months doing nothing makes each day not worth seeing. The only thing keeping me alive is family and my gf and she's in a different country. I hate my body and my mind everything is fucked nothing works right. I don't even sleep much anymore, which I've been told is a form of SH, but apart from that, I don't cut just blunt damage and burns. I've tried before. I've tried to end it. I don't think I'm going to make it much longer