Hi, I have the 'quiet' type BPD and I have the biggest issue with knowing what i want and who I am. 

Hell, I've been questioning whether I actually am attracted to my partner sexually. And this is 4 years into the relationship. The smallest comment or a fleeting thought can make me question everything and anything. I live in that constant fear that my reality is somehow different than others and they see me clearly, but i just dont.

I know definitely that I am attracted to them romantically and emotionally. Whats worse, they are aware of me questioning that (found searches, diary notes etc.) and it hurts them immensely. At the moment I separated with them to figure it out on my own, but I had no luck. I do not even know how to know. Apparently this is this thing that people 'just know' but somehow I do not. And i mean it! Im not leaning into either side. 

How do you approach the 'gut feeling' stuff with bpd? Are you trying to analyze it rationally? Do you have some sort of instinct / intuition? If so, how to you tap into that?

Please help, I feel hopeless :&lt;