The last time I spoke with her was about two years ago. We went through college together, and she was the closest friend I've ever had. We supported each other through really hard times, and I've never felt so understood by another person. But I realized in our final year of university that I had developed romantic feelings for her, despite the fact that she had a boyfriend whom she had been dating for six years. From then on, the more I was around her, the more I hated myself, because I couldn't stop myself from feeling that way. I felt like I was lying to and deceiving her every time we spoke.

When we graduated college, I purposefully let the friendship fade away. I methodically took longer and longer to respond to texts, pretended to be unable to hang out, etc. It killed me inside to watch it happen, but she slowly stopped being a part of my life. I never told her how I felt, and I still think it would have been absolutely inexcusable to do so - the least I owed her was to not make this her problem.

That was two years ago, but to be honest, I still think about her every day. Things have only gone downhill since then - I have no friends anymore, I recently burned out of my career, and I feel so lost and confused in life. The loneliness stings even more because I know it's my own fault that I'm in this state in the first place.