I have accepted that I have BPD and I understand what childhood traumas and whatnot that have caused it over time. My biggest struggle is that I am completely aware of how irrational I am being, but I am absolutely unable to control it. I struggle greatly with suicidal thoughts and self loathing. It is ruining my marriage because traditional therapy just doesn’t work for my self-sabotaging mind. Who here has dealt with this and what helped for you? 
I am sadly unable to access mental health care due to income and I feel as though I am a lost cause because of it.