Hi. Just for a bit of background, I'm  21/f with a history of anorexia. It's become apparent recently that I had been numbing feelings of depression, anxiety and loneliness through starving myself. I often flit from happiness, to deep sadness , to a state of numbness where I feel no motivation to do anything. Although I have never gone through with them, I frequently get intrusive thoughts of harming myself (cutting, pulling hair, head banging etc) .

But most worrying is my feelings towards friendships and relationships. I get obsessed with certain people and am so terrified of being rejected or losing them that I struggle to concentrate on anything else. 

I recently went on a couple of dates with a guy I really like. They went well, but now I find myself obsessively checking my texts, thinking about him way more than I deem 'normal'. I have felt the same way towards friends and previous relationships before. I am aware that this sounds a little creepy, but I can't help it. I want an romantic and sexual relationship so much it hurts. 

Apologies for the probably largely incoherent rant! 

Also, I was diagnosed with Asperger's at 16, however I have reasons to doubt this diagnosis. 