So I lost my teenagers and early twenties to BPD &amp; depression/anxiety. I’m in my mid 20s now. Things are slowly getting better for me. I have a new job, I just started driving last month and I’m trying to get into therapy. I just want to make up for all the time I’ve lost. 

I started dating a guy, but we’ve only been talking for a month. I don’t really have much experience when I comes to dating, but he took me to see fireworks in the 4th and I really liked him. Yesterday night he called me out... and I went and things went a little too far. He didn’t force me, but I got talked into giving him head and I feel so bad about it... it’s only the 2nd time we’ve seen eachother and I wanted him to like me.

After I did it and on the drive back home I asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend and he told me he doesn’t like labels and that he barely knows me and my heart sank... 

I’ve been having a really hard day today. I’ve been trying to make friends and meet people, but I’m starting at zero and it’s so difficult and painful. I don’t know why I did what I did, but I just feel so horrible. All people ever do is tell me they don’t want me. I’m tired of feeling like a throw away person. I’ve been crying all day.