How do I put this in a way that makes sense...

Basically, alright. I have this ex. She was my first love and our relationship didn't last long but we stayed friends for the better part of 7 years and we weren't good to each other. I eventually told her I couldn't stay friends with her. It hurt me to do this but I thought it was the right thing to do.

She was, for a time, close with two friends of mine who I am still close with now. My ex let them down, too and their friendships with her fell off.

So it's been over a year since I've talked to my ex. Come to find out, they recently got back in contact with her and they're talking again.

I'm so...upset, and so scared. I'm jealous that they're talking to her again, and I'm afraid they're going to forget about me in favor of someone who's more mentally, emotionally and financially stable.

During the time they were close with her in the past, I always felt like an outsider. Things have progressively gotten worse over the years and I'm in a very bad place mentally. These are the closest friends I have and I'm so scared of not only being abandoned, but replaced by someone who broke my fucking heart and messed my life up.

I want to hurt myself. Not to die, just to get it out. I haven't really felt the urge to self harm in so long, but now my stomach is in knots, I'm crying, I'm paranoid and I feel so angry at everyone. I'll never be good enough. I don't want to be replaced, I don't want to be forgotten.