For some context, I (19M) am gay but I'm very much not feminine. When I was in middle school, any type of expression of that was met with repulsion from my friends and I felt really belittled and abused by them at the time. I ended up developing a really bad social anxiety disorder around this time. Fast forward to now, I'm out of the closet, much happier with myself, and I have an incredibly supportive group of friends. But I still am a walking ball of anxiety, and especially when it comes to my closest friend, the worries I have are debilitating sometimes. I feel a connection with him that really feels like more than just a friendship; he's the only person I feel completely free in front of. That feminine side of me that's been repressed so long feels free around him and that's a beautiful feeling.. He is straight and he lets me be physically affectionate and is never afraid to express admiration because he fears being called gay himself. All that makes me incredibly grateful for him but my mental problems make me obsess over things like this.. I'm constantly worrying about losing him for one reason or another.. is he secretly uncomfortable with that more feminine side? Does he think I like him because of the way I act around him and is that turning him away? I know these are irrational thoughts.. I just wish I knew what to do about them. I don't like to text about serious things because I misinterpret what is being said and I go crazy waiting for a response, so Im just gonna try to talk to him in person about it.