I'm 20 years old. And english it's not my native language. I keep noticing strange things about myself. And I feel mentally retarded. And I can't communicate properly with people. I can't formulate my speech, I have trouble with concentration, a clear order of what and how to say, I always worry in front of my superiors, ask or do a whole problem for me.

I have problem with processing information. One example: When I went to learn martial arts. I had to practice the techniques much more often than other people. Sometimes it got to the point that I could not properly understand the instructions of a particular technique and because of this I worked out the techniques incorrectly, even when the coach showed me how to do it correctly, I still couldn't do it correctly and after that he called me "I have never met such a stupid person" and that really hurt me. Another problem I face is that I have a poor memory, it is difficult for me to keep a lot of information, and I need more time to remember.

I'm afraid to do things in front of people. For example, speaking in front of an audience, I immediately begin to lose my train of thought. And during the dialogue I speak very quickly and people constantly ask me what I just said and there are moments when I say some nonsense without thinking. Therefore, I often keep silent so as not to completely disgrace myself. I constantly make a fool of myself, I try to ask people less,to do something...but when I have to, it's a shame. Especially when they tell me to take this and that" everyone understood everything, and I look like an idiot in the wrong place, or I don't see it, and there are often problems with understanding the verbal instructions.

This is very disturbing to me in life and outwardly, in my opinion, I can not differ in any way from an ordinary person, which means that it is my intellectual abilities. Yes, yes, only in them. People resist me, but not immediately, but only when they get to know me better, understand what's wrong with me or I'm some kind of strange crank.

As far as I remember, I got a head injury at birth, and it may have affected my cognitive skills. And at school I was constantly humiliated and bullied at me and this caused anxiety. As a child, I was closed in myself as if I wasn't interested in communicating with people or I didn't know to talk. And I constantly have obsessive thoughts and that I start to get hung up on this very much, and the most unpleasant thing is that I constantly communicate on the same topics with my friends, which sometimes already starts to annoy them. I also repeat myself and don't look at people's eyes when I speak.