I feel like I’m slowly losing interest in all people because no one really understands. Not like I expect them to, but people around me always dish out advice...

“Just become a nurse! It’s easy”

“Meditate more”

“Just stop eating carbs”

Just shallow two dimensional answers when people really don’t understand how awful and living fucking nightmarish hell having this disorder is. It feels like mental torture. 

I’m not “lazy” I literally feel like I am void of all emotion and energy and like I’m carrying a baby elephant on my back 24/7

I’m shy and social withdrawn not to “be an asshole” I just don’t trust people anymore and everyone always talks about how weird I am so I feel like I may as well just become non existent

People literally don’t understand that this is a physical problem too, when your brain is physically different you have physical ailments too. It’s not just a matter of “think positively!!”

I have body aches, extreme temperature changes and chronic fatigue from depression. And depression isn’t always feeling “sad” 

It feels like I just have no more energy to give to “pretend” to look happy or seem energetic to everyone around me. I just have no more fake ness to give, and that’s not okay with people so I just hide instead so I don’t constantly disappoint people. And if I here someone say to me “your just always making your own misery!” One more time I’m literally going to blow my brains out because I literally wake up everyday determined to help myself but then my physical ailments take over. 

This is like walking through quicksand. I don’t know how to feel human anymore.