I'm not really a drinker, I don't drink to drown my sorrows ever. But from time to time like many people I like to treat myself to a glass of wine, and some days I will get drunk. This is maybe once or twice a month.

But now that floaty light feeling of being a little intoxicated triggers anxiety for me. It resembles that same feeling in my chest before a panic attack. Especially in the morning after, I wake up anxious... not hung over, just anxious. 

This never used to happen to me... all of these feelings started to happen around the start of the pandemic when my mother got Covid (thankfully survived). Now I always feel on edge and in a bad place no matter how safe I really am. 

It's always a light feeling in my chest, heart rate goes up, I can't focus on anything else than that. There's an overwhelming feeling of helplessness, fear, and "Oh god I'm having a heart attack" even though I check my blood pressure and am a very fit person with a healthy heart. A fucking delusion messing with me. 

This sucks.