i've always preferred eating alone and i've found myself eating large amounts at once, especially for the past 5 months. i went on a birth control and gained 35 pounds, and now that i live with my mother again she has commented on the amount of food i eat, and passively makes comments every once in awhile to try and "send a message". recently, when she isn't home i find it really difficult to control myself from eating. i tried fasting for a few days by setting an alarm on my phone for 24 hours each time i had a small meal. an hour ago i ate wayyy too much and now i'm dealing with the aftermath - depression, shame, uncomfortably full where i don't want to look at my body at all. 

how do I cope with these urges? i hate my body but i especially hate how my mother treats me. Thanks for reading