I am a very happy person, when I'm around others. I try to make things easier for those around me. I don't want anyone to feel the way I am so I put in so much effort to help them, and I do not want anyone else to know that I feel like this. I don't want anyone to worry, just for them to be happy.

I don't remember a day that was good. It's always just a blur when I try to remember. I know I have great memories but they all seem so dull.

The smile that I put on hurts so much but I'd hate myself more if I let it drop around others. I don't know why it's like that but it is.

Everyday I wish that I would stop existing, but I need to exist to help others. The toll it puts on my mind is excessive and makes me always tired. If I were to disappear before I can help those close to me would they care? I always wanted to not exist as it would be a relief from the constant fake smiles and empty words. 

I just wish for this to be over