Normally November is hard for me. It’s the month I attempted suicide as teenager. But today I came home and my two roommates said they want to move back to their hometowns. One to Texas and the other to Indiana. I want what’s best for them and want them to be happy. I would never ask them to stay. 
Since living with them I am the healthiest I have ever been. I love cooking for them. I love watching movies with them, and shows. I love their animals. I love them. We all talked about buying a house together, and living together for a while. One of my roommates and I went on a trip to her hometown and I said I wanted to live with her forever (mainly as a joke asp she knew I loved her) but she said she wanted to too. I know that’s so unlikely and dumb. But they both mean the world to me and I’ve gotten so use to being with them. 

I feel like my heart is shattering and I can’t stop crying. Im doing this in my room after watching tv with them so they don’t feel bad or see me like this. Im just so uncontrollably sad. Even though I’ve been taking the medicine and seeing a therapist. It feels like it takes one thing to send me off the deep end again. Im struggling and it’s killing me. I don’t want to hurt them or them to see me hurt. I want them to be happy.