Hello lads

I'm diagnosed with anxiety and depression, quite a nasty combo and its probably more anxiety than depression. From the UK.

Lately I've always been assuming the worst, which makes me very anxious, which also makes me assume the worst again until eventually it becomes some sort of panic attack, heightened breathing, heavy chest.

I've never been great at talking with others but when people offload work onto me, I'm super anxious about fucking up, I could be doing something that I have control with, but as soon as something's added to my plate especially something I didn't volunteer myself to do, I'm super anxious.

I'm super worried about Christmas, as Christmas is coming up, my friends are all wanting to get together for the busiest time of the year, some of them are muslim and don't really celebrate Christmas, but it makes me super nervous that I'm letting them down because Christmas is a busy time for family reasons, and simply the uncertainty that I can attend certain dates during the Christmas week doesn't help either.

I've also been super nervous about Covid since it started, going as far as constantly wearing a mask whenever I left my house. Despite my best intentions to do my part to prevent the spread of the virus, people in my area of the UK are all anti-mask whilst they make comments like "You've been double jabbed, you're fine!", sure, I might be fine, but I'm tryna protect your dumb asses from catching it if I get it. Its just shrugged off so it makes me feel ignored or unappreciated, and they say wearing a mask feels super rude. At the same time, I'm staying at home as much as I can to prevent the spread, even though cases are like 40k a day right now and I was even worse at university simply refusing to come home to prevent the spread until my lease was up.

My anxiety and depression has led me to forget to take my medications properly, I'm supposed to be taking them everyday but I've been taking them so poorly for months now. It's probably played a large part into having nightmares and such.

Sorry for the blog-like posting, but typing out what was bothering me these past couple of hours has somewhat helped calm my anxious ass down. I just don't really know what I'm doing anymore. The biggest thing I'm afraid of is seeing people be disappointed or annoyed with me, cus my dad did that to me all the time often with violence, and I fear that the same thing could happen, even if its not in the person's image to do so. I can't imagine the people I'm friends with to beat me up.