How do people deal with the shame of their past? For some reason, I decided to look through my entire Facebook, all previous pics/posts, everything. Guess I was bored. After I was done, I had a panic attack and threw up. I’ve never felt this way about my past before. I didn’t even feel shame during all of those moments either. I treated myself so poorly that I don’t even know how I’m alive. I slept with so many men, a lot of which were much older. I drank all the time, and it was clear that I had extremely low self worth and a huge lack of self-respect. Why did I do that to myself? I’ve also realized that I lost everyone in my life (not all because of bad things, people come and go in life) but I was trying to think of at least one person who felt like home and I can only think of my boyfriend, who broke up with me (because of mental health issues, yes I’m in therapy now). Not even my family feels like home. I am traumatized by so many places now, that I don’t even know where to live or who to talk to. It seems like everything is associated with a bad memory. I have improved so much in the last few months, so I’m not sure why I’m feeling this all of a sudden but it’s terrible. I can’t believe I managed to lose the one good person in my life. He never understood why I did certain things in the past and I always just thought of it as “haha yeah I was crazy!!” And now I understand why he was upset. He was saddened that the person he loved could do that to themselves. I guess I didn’t care about myself. But now, I’m also upset. I can’t believe I put myself through all of that.