Very long story short...I've been recently diagnosed with BPD. Recently meaning about a month, maybe a little less than. I'll cut to the chase of what my current situation is right now, and will answer questions later. I'm doing this because I'm known to be rather verbose, and unnecessarily so.

The one person who I desperately want to understand my new diagnosis is pretty much ignoring me...as she has quite often since December. We had an intense somewhat romance up until then. I had to leave the state for an undetermined amount of time, and a week later (after she looked me in the eyes, told me that she was in love with me and that she would wait for me to get back) I found out that she was in a different state with some guy who she was now in a committed relationship with (even writing those words makes me cringe). We've been talking back and forth since then (December) with many attempts to save the friendship. I keep asking her to cut me out of her life because it's plainly obvious that I'm not longer important to her, if I ever was, and I am obviously unable to cut her out myself. One minute I loathe her, the next five I'm wishing she were here with me, as it was supposed to be.
So I sent her some links on BPD so she could better understand what I deal with, why I flip out so easily, why I'm so seemingly easily confused and contradictory, etc. She promised to read them the next day since it was late. Next day turned into "I'm not feeling well, so I will read them but maybe not today." And that turned into, "I'm still not feeling well, and I'm absolutely not going to read anything that I don't have to." She then proceeds to tell me that she's going to return to watching Dracula Untold (this was especially hurtful to me since I'm a cinephile).

So this past weekend she has disappeared (a common thing...she always disappears for the weekend...this is someone who used to talk to me every day, for several hours every day, and would get upset and/or worried if I didn't respond in a certain time frame). I've sent a few hateful e-mails that I'm both hoping she takes note of and finally cuts me out of her life since it's so painfully obvious that she doesn't want me around anymore (despite her constantly ignoring these requests and e-mailing me like all is well every now and again), and hoping that she just realizes I'm being mean and flipping out for no real reason and doesn't cut me out. This has been nightmarish.

The medications I've been put on don't seem to be working at all, other than to cause intense head pain and teeth grinding while I'm asleep. And today the crying fits and cutting have returned. I don't know if anyone here can really help out, but I had nowhere else to turn at the moment. My friends are all sick of hearing me bitch and moan about the same stuff, and I feel like I truly have no one.

EDIT: I should add that I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow, and have made a list of the medications I'm on and all the side effects I've noticed, and noted how much worse I seem to feel despite being on these medications for a month. And...I also have an appointment with my therapist on Wednesday, but that doesn't seem to be helping at all. I don't think she knows what she's doing. She says, "Uh huh" a lot, but never offers any solutions, or any questions, or any assignments or goals for me to reach. It's basically just me talking to someone for an hour and listening to them say "uh huh" a bunch of times. I would request a new therapist, but apparently that's very difficult to do.