My relationship with my SO has gone past the one year mark and I think it's safe to say that he has destroyed a couple of my idealistic images of what our relationship and he would be like. Which is completely natural, of course, because he's human and makes mistakes and has autonomy, and my therapist has pointed out that my ideal expectations are unhealthy, codependent and borderline (ha ha) impossible. I would be dating a robot instead of a human being. 

Our relationship goes through typical mini idealization-devaluation cycles regarding trigger issues. But I see the entire course of our relationship has a huge overarching timeline of idealization -&gt; devaluation, of sorts? Like although a mini cycle might be in the "idealization" stage, every time we fight about things or he hurts me, it pushes the overarching timeline closer and closer to complete devaluation. 

I don't know what to do. I love him as much as I possibly can, but there's always a small, dissatisfied voice in the back of my head saying he's not doing enough, he needs to love me more, he needs to care about me more. More, more, more. It's insatiable. And that stupid voice makes me feel like I'm an awful, greedy person and I wind up feeling worse with no idea how to shut it up and make it go away. 

I know different people love differently. As a pwBPD I obsess over him and my entire life is literally dedicated to the next time I'll be able to see him again. I think about him before every choice I make. It doesn't work like that for him, and I know that's supposed to be alright, but a part of me just ends up feeling inadequate. I begin to wonder if it's because I'm not good enough. Whether he would care more about me if I did this or that. Whether it's my fault. Whether he would think about me more if I was prettier or funnier or smarter or healthier or just... a better person. 

I just want to feel safe and contented and satisfied. I know my SO tries hard, which is why it sucks that it's still not enough for me and I feel really awful about it. And yes I get that a lot of these are core issues I have to sort out in therapy, but I'm starting to get worried that I'll lose faith in the relationship before I manage to fix those things about myself (if there's even a fix). 

DAE experience this / have tips? Also, I know there are nons out there who might be reading this, and it might be helpful to hear from you guys too. 