Having BPD has made me realize that not only am I just really emotional and sensitive but I have so many unhealthy obsessions.
One of them being my scars. I haven’t self harmed since February of this year.(The day of my 17th birthday) 
And if we’re being honestly I didn’t even have a reason to do it. I just decided when I got into the shower to self harm.
I’ve gotten to the point where I do it just to feel it sting and bleed. I can’t help but think everything’s for attention or I’m crazy. I tell myself “I like to cut” but then I realize how stupid and selfish I am. 
I don’t know if it’s for attention or if I’m in pain and I haven’t been able to tell for years now. 
I like looking at my scars or when people look at me worryingly. I used to be very insecure about it but now I happily show my arms. 
My behaviors very unhealthy and I want to get better. I just have to wait until I’m 18 to get proper care. 
It seems like everyone on here is more together than I am even though we all have the same pain. I just don’t know why it’s so intense for me. I’m sorry if I’m rambling when I write everything comes out.