From all the time I've expressed my feelings thoughts and such, I always get the answer that if I continue it will get better. It really doesn't, I don't believe it because it hasn't. My life has just gotten worse and worse no matter what. I'm scared of the shit that's going on. I am trying my hardest to enjoy what I can, I'm putting myself out there for others and it seems like any friendliness, leadership or opportunity to communicate properly fails either from the fact I'm just plain stupid and don't understand people or maybe that I'm just naturally not able to form any sort of strong connection with people. Even with those I do connect with it isn't the way I am seeking and I feel selfish for it. I just feel like I'm doing wrong and even then the people I trust don't trust me. It just hurts, cause I guess I painted myself in a negative light already and it's too late to change. In my life I'm just at a point of giving up, it's getting worrying for me cause I see myself on a path I dislike and feel like it's the only one I can take. Sorry.