I don't know what to do anymore. I'm losing everything because of my insecurities and my own self-imposed problems. I blacked out at my boyfriend's best friend's wedding last night. He left and didn't tell me and I freaked out. I went outside alone to call my nana to talk and the next thing I know people are out there screaming at me telling me to leave. As far as I know, I was alone and wasn't making a scene until I was yelled at. My boyfriend told me we are done and his mother drove me 4 hours home at midnight. We haven't had a perfect relationship but I feel like alot has progressed over the years. I just have trust issues and rightfully so. When I drink I become the worst version of myself if things even go a little bit wrong. My face is swollen, my hand might be broken. I haven't slept. I hate myself. I just want to be loved and I feel like I'll never have that. I'm fucking bipolar, I have PTSD, and severe anxiety. My boyfriend isn't the most understanding but I love him and I want to make it work. He's coming back today and says we will talk when he gets here but I don't know what to say to make this better. I need advice. Please.