i fucking hate my life. i literally tried staying home today from having going to the overwhelming easter family gathering and i made an excuse that i was sick and then my sister apparently made everyone over there hanging out for easter come over here to where i’m am just cause she wants to be make it seem to everyone like she’s being a good sister BUT SHES NOT. SHE JUDGES ME BEHIND MY BACK ALL THE TIME, AND STILL LIKES TO ACT LIKE SHE IS A GOOD SISTER. SHE HATES ME. LIKE WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE SAY SHES COMING OVER BECAUSE SHE “FEELS BAD” ABOUT ME NOT BEING THERE AND THEN TURN AROUND AND MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT FOR HAVING HUGE MELTDOWNS AND SOCIAL ANXIETY? LIKE MAAM YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DECIDED TO COME OVER HERE JUST CAUSE U WOULD FEEL BETTER IF U DID NOT BECAUSE U THOUGHT ABOUT HOW I WOULD FEEL. she came into my room acting like she cared about me and wanted me to come out, but then i could see in her face she was getting increasingly irritated and mad at me when i have been trying to politely say that i’m not comfortable and no good at socializing in the first place. all of this just because she thinks i owe everyone something just because it’s easter? i’m so tired of having to owe people a fake smile when they don’t even comfort me when i’m crying loudly in my room until they realize it will make them seem like a bad family if they don’t. why are humans always thinking they are entitled to EVERYTHING about somebody like that somebody owes them things just because of whatever they think? i hate life. i hate all these expectations. i hate the fact that ppl think that u have it easy and  that ur just being rude and not trying and that having mental health issues is just an excuse when the truth is that they just would rather choose to judge and ridicule us rather than understand. also think i have autism and the fact that i grown up crying and having meltdowns in my room and being full on ignored as if me and my cries were invisible made me feel more like no one gives a shit and just hates me