Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with MDD and it's been completely crippling my life. It's made especially difficult because I still remember how I used to be and can't maintain that anymore. 
My depression is based off of abandonment and betrayal and the fact that I feel that I can never be close to others or wanted. 
I've gotten therapy but it only helps in the short term. 

I want to seek help from my friends but every time I do so, they turn and see me differently and don't want to be around me anymore. This makes the depression worse as it almost justifies the abuse I had in my head and makes me feel like I will always be the problem and it's my fault. 

Currently, one of my friends is aware of my depression but we haven't talked about it in depth. 
This weekend, we had a 4 day trip with a bunch of friends. Normally I can't put on a mask for just a night out, but because we were together for 4 days, my depression became apparent. I would space out, forget things, become quiet almost paralyzed. Some friends would comment on my change. 

After this weekend, my one friend has seemed to change and become extremely distant. I've tried to talk to them but they say they aren't interested. They still want to hang out but I can't ask for support and it hurts. 
I dont know what to do. I feel as though I am alone and I can't get close to anyone and that, at any moment, everyone will turn on my again and it will be my fault. 


I have another friend that I respect highly and trusts me alot I've been debating asking them for support but I'm afraid of just ruining the closest thing I have to any relationship I have with anyone.