Hello everyone, I already posted here before. I will keep it short and simple. Ever since my gf left me due to one of my episodes being too much for her, I have been feeling worse and worse and it seems that for one reason or another, my symptoms spiked like no tomorrow. As I speak I ruptured my friendship of 4 years with 2 best friends I had simply because I started to hate them for reasons beyond my understanding, I started to hate everything I had done with them and everything I did or experienced seemed fake, as if they hadn't happen, as if I wanted to put everything behind me.

As I speak I just want to become an entirely new person, stop being me, restart everything. I don't know who I am or what I believe in anymore, I just feel like I have to become someone else, as if whoever I was failed miserably at existence and I just want to distance myself from it as much as possible. I think of it as existential suicide. I feel stuck in a husk that is not mine.