**A brief sum up**: my (24f) boyfriend (31m) of 4 years doesn’t speak to his dad much (abandoned him when he was around 5 and took on a new family). When his dad does call which isn’t often its to ask about our relationship, if I’m working (chronically ill and pushed to the point of inability to work about 2 years ago,) and then revert to triangulating my boyfriend and I in order to split us up. I am caucasian, however believe it or not (please no hate here) I believe I’m also experiencing racism in my relationship on top of narcissistic triangulation because from my boyfriends family who are Puerto-Rican, his Mothers side loves me and his Grandmother on his dads side does also, we talk often but the way his father/step mother, step brother/sister and sister in law treat me is just... yeah, terrible. Is it worth mentioning his dad works for CIA and often tells my boyfriend he doesn’t like my family... who he has never met? Que paranoia, amongst them actively trying for 4yrs to destroy my relationship. 

**Problem at hand, you may ask?** Boyfriend hasn’t paid his own phone bill in some time and has been on a line with his grandmother (been this way since before I was in the picture), and that isn’t the problem- the problem is, his father and aunt are now in control of his grandmothers finances and things of that sort and his father called to let my boyfriend know he will either get his own line, or pay his dad $40/m for the new phone payment on his plan with him. *I don’t mind the fact of him sharing a plan with his father, what I do mind is that his father will be able to read our very personal text messages.* While I am quiet borderline and don’t have many raging outbursts- it’s easier to talk about my feelings, thoughts, concerns with life in general, etc through text with my Boyfriend because of previous abuse. So I guess, it’s not so much what he will see in our texts but the invasion of privacy that is prevented in general. 

**Why is this a problem of seeming irrational?** Because my boyfriend says it is, and that I’m being selfish for having that concern- he says about myself, but for me it is about our relationship. (He is now saying he didn’t call me selfish but told me I am only thinking of myself, which, is being selfish by definition.) 

I really don’t want to give any more detailed back story because we’ll be here all day but, basically my previous worries about certain actions of theirs having underlying motives for the passed 4 years have all became reality for me so I don’t think this is irrational but wanted to ask anyhow. Feel like I’m being gaslit, tbh. What may be irrational is that I feel I need to leave my relationship, I think all the stress the passed 4 years is what has caused my health to get much worse, much faster.

Sorry if this was all messy, I’m just exhausted and really not wanting to go back and fix mistakes.