Hey everyone.  I am undiagnosed but interested in finding out more about BPD and its treatment. Can anyone suggest some resources for me?

Not sure how much information I should include here, but I am open to discussing anything about my situation if it can help me or others. I am a 36M (sometimes my reddit avatars are female which confuses some).  I live in rural East Tx which is an underserved area for mental health, so in-person therapy may not be feasible. I would consider online therapy but would likely need to save up first since I always seem to explode and quit jobs or get fired due to another dwi or stint in treatment - so no insurance and limited cash flow.  I have a history of self-harm in the form of IV drug abuse and experience hella mood swings that can spiral out of control quickly.  I did experience sexual abuse as a child, although I downplayed it for many years.  I have a laundry list of harms that medical doctors have committed against me, so I guess I'm looking for books that can help guide me at this point. 

Thank you in Advance.