I’ve said it on here before and I’ll say it again, as someone with depression and anhedonia it’s so hard to enjoy life as strong as you’re trying to be for the sake of not hurting the people who actually love you, it’s just kinda exhausting trying to be happy for them since I’m not a person that likes to share feelings. 
Depression has made me super stoic where I can’t express my love and gratitude to the people I love I’m just numb inside I can’t smile I can’t do nothing but put a straight face. 
I miss enjoying the things I used to love doing I’ve tried doing other hobbies but my body just doesn’t have the energy to even enjoy it. So all I’m saying is that I’m really tired, to be completely honest the only thing stopping me from leaving… is how scared I am to actually doing it.