you're my friend. you brought a light into my life I hadn't known in this bleak landscape of endless conflict, loneliness, and pain. you showed an interest in spending time with me that few have showed before. I know I'm not your type, and you rejected me before. I can comfort your heart, but not spark it.

still, I love you. you trust me. you came into my room and slept next to me. it warms my heart knowing you confide in me.

I try to be strong. be a strong man. do what is "right" or "manly". people tell me to not be your friend, or at least so close. but I want you, as friend, and lover, both ideally, but if I can only have the former, then I'll be happy. happy to be at your side, and to not be alone. but how the strings of affection pull me to you. I'm the trite trope. I love you and I don't know how to reconcile love and friendship.

but I can't go back into the loneliness. not until, at least, you find someone you love. once you find someone who brings joy to every day of your life, I will fade away. I will fade back into the bleak. but I will be content knowing that you are loved, and that you love. for above my selfish desire and selfish love, I want you to be happy. that's all I ever want for you.