I don't want to actively hurt myself, but I don't mind if a car hits me today.

I'm just tired. So tired. And I'm subconsciously mad at my parents and loved ones because I can't just end it and not suffer anymore because of them. And then I get mad at myself for still caring about that and still being in pain. How can you care when you're dead? Why can't you just stop empathizing for an hour and get it over with?

When I think about all the messes I've made and the people I've hurt because of this damned disorder I just wanna disappear. I feel like I deserve the hate I'm getting.