i know this sounds awful, but i’m really not sure if i feel empathy or not. i need to know if this is a BPD thing or just me... lol. it’s weird because i’ve always claimed to be an empath and i do have the ability to know other people’s emotions intuitively just by being near them... but at the same time, my best friend was having a seriously bad episode of depression and i was going through the motions of doing all the good friend things, and then i realized... i’m not doing this for him, i’m doing it for me, because losing him would have a horrible impact on my life. i put in the effort to keep him alive because of the way it would impact me if he died. when someone i care about goes through something bad, i only feel sad “for them” when it relates to me and i feel sad for myself. when my boyfriend rants about his fucked up family or job i don’t feel sad for him, i just feel... annoyed. interpersonal relationships have always been hard for me because the other person always tells me i’m cold, unemotional, a bitch, etc. and i thought it was just because i have a hard time expressing emotions but i honestly just don’t think i relate to others in an that way, i just care about the way their presence in my life effects me. i do the things i know i’m supposed to do to give the illusion of caring, but that’s all it is. i do love people, but only in my own way, i think. i definitely feel emotions, HARD, so i’m not a psychopath. i don’t even know if this makes sense lmfao. i’m not a bad person, i am kind and warm to people, but i wonder if its just because that’s the way i’m *supposed* to act, like it’s a mask. lmk if y’all relate to this because what the fuck