Context: I've been depressed for some time now and to be completely honest, 2021 was possibly the worst year of my life and i know it's been difficult for many of us during this whole lockdown. Out of the blue, i decided to start a journal and i will continue to note my thoughts and feelings every day of the year. Hopefully this year will be the year i can start actively making a change and I can become more self aware of my emotions ( I Can't blog if i'm in bed depressed all day and not doing anything!). I though i'd share my first day blog with you guys for those interested!

I.e below:  i'm referring to a fight I had with my brother.

**Beggining of the Year....Happy 2022**

Last night was somewhat eventful...I dont know, it just seems as if i am having constant outbursts of anger over issues that are out of my control. I probably shouldn't have hit him, but sometimes I can't control myself. My mood is never stable and sometimes life just feels incredibly lonely no matter how many people you are surrounded by. I'm going to try not to dwell on what happened last night because if there's one thing I learnt in 2021, is that you can't change the past. Yes time is a healer, but actions and words will never be forgotten. You will always be held accountable, and it's difficult to act in a normal way when your mind isn't normal. And just another thing..Not everyone, if anyone, is really your 'mate'. It's safe to say that I don't really have any at the moment or I haven't really had any this entire year. I've forgotten the meaning of a 'mate'. But this year, I want things to be different. surprisingly until the events of last night I actually had an extremely positive feeling about the begging of this new chapter. I want to be surrounded by good energy, positive people, and just love really. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin again, a feeling I haven't really had in a while...after everything that happened in 2021, it just makes me think that everything is just a fantasy and friendship and love does not really exist, but just a mere illusion that society thinks we should all do just to fit in.

Anyway, I don't know how long i will continue this journal for, I don't really understand the reasons why I decided to start one in the first place, maybe to get a better understanding of myself and become more self aware? Nevertheless, lets see how long I can keep this up for...based on my record for starting things that i never complete this might be the only entry lol. Well, at least it's better than nothing. Fuck that attitude, lets write some of my goals for 2022 down:

Not in any particular order

* Be more positive/love yourself more
* Go to the gym - and not just once or twice then quit for a week. LETS GET SOME GAINS
* Make some 'friends'
* Accept yourself for your good traits and your bad traits, and accept that not everyone will like you for you.
* Positive attitude. Positive life
* Read more books - AT LEAST 10 this year
* Make some money. Focus on work and be more productive
* Get out of fucking bed all day - Develop a good routine

I'm not really sure how long a journal is supposed to be and what I'm really supposed to document, I guess it can be however long I want it to be. It's my mind and it's time to take control. It's time to get my life back and get on my feet. Lets be happy. Lets document the good, the bad and the sad. I've felt happy before and i will feel it again. Lets let the negative emotions go and let go of my past. I am going to make this year a good year regardless of what happens. Good energy. Good Vibe. Happy life. Goddamn, I sound Bipolar already.