Hi I'm a Asian Individual who is a worthless waste of space, and asking Reddit if I still have any reason not to kill myself, cus my report card came in and got scolded and yelled at with my mom threatening that she will kill herself.


 Story starts at grade 5 when I started to fail my school, and now at grade 8 failing and getting yelled on why I can't just do my homework, for some reason I can't just face to do them. I recently been feeling emotion numb and don't enjoy online games and such anymore. I feel like I'm just living a dream and feels like surreal. I'm a lazy, retarded, ungrateful, spoiled, take things for granted,  failure, and a jerk. 

 I fail to listen at my online class and this recent pandemic and have been in an fast decline.

 My hard working single mom has provided me with my greedy selfish wishes such as a laptop, a Nintendo switch, and phone etc, and can't make up anything for it. All she ask is for me to fix my grade, which I'm struggling to keep up.  She provides me all I need but no I still can't get my self to do shit.

 She always ask me a question, Why can't you do your school task? Which I can't answer for some reason, but my mind tells me because I'm lazy, retarded, and does not enjoy school. 

She gets emotional as well and can't do anything. I've been thinking about killing myself for the past year but I have a bit of a fear of pain because I'm a pussy, but this is my breaking point. 

 My mom always ask me to stop school for a 2 years now but I for some reason inside, I just can't stop school for unexplainable reason. Just feels like I gonna be retarded or something like that. She basically did most of my work when I was in grade 7 and has made her stop persuing her further education. I feel like a massive jerk.

Edit: I will provide more info in comments, as I don't know how to put them all together and trying my best to do long essay on my situation.