I haven’t had a depressive episode this bad in a long time, kept my up all night thinking about the worst moments of my life and the terrible pressures I’m in now. Everything that’s destroyed me over the past 12 years has been playing through my head, reminding me how much hurt I’ve been through and how it’s changed my life’s direction in ways I would have never thought my life would go. The scary part is that I haven’t felt this safe and comfortable in a long time, waddled up in my blanket holding my teddy bear so tightly on the verge of crying. I feel as if being depressed for so long has made it so my mind and body think that this is a good thing and making me want it more. After 3 months of being “on track” what I experienced tonight was a satisfying release in some ways. I know I don’t want to go back to this but I haven’t felt so at peace in a long time. Should I fight this or let it be.