I’ve been having some very suicidal thoughts as of lately. I’m just so depressed and I can’t do anything right now. I don’t have a doctor I can see, I no longer have a psychiatrist. Last night I turned over and almost took all of my anti depressants but stopped myself. The urge was really strong and I don’t know what to do about it. I feel like everyone hates me and I can’t control my emotions. I feel empty and lost. My mom suggested going to the hospital but the last time that happened, a nurse came to see us and basically told me I was wasting their time and there was nothing that could be done. (Apparently he got fired later) but I’m still terrified that it’ll happen again. I don’t know what can be done. If I even went to the hospital what would they do other than send me back home again? I hate my life and it’s not even a bad life and I hate myself for hating it. I have no job no income, I can’t do anything. Recently got out of a bad breakup where I lived in another country and I just got back home so I have nothing to support me but my mom but I feel bad for leaning on her. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what can even be done I just feel hopeless at this point.