I need to get this off my chest but I don't have anyone to really express it to so hopefully putting it here will help. 
Ive dealt with depression for 10+ years but this past year has beat the shit out of me and I don't know how much more I can handle it. I won't go into a lot of detail because it's all past and done and I can't do anything to change it but it has left me physically, mentally, and financially broken. 
It has been one bad thing after another for me and I feel like I must have pissed off the universe or something. I don't understand why shit keeps happening but I wish I could figure out why. 
Everyday I feel worse and it's physically taking a toll on me now which doesn't help at all. I can't eat, I hardly sleep, I've lost a lot of weight which I'm not necessarily upset about but I know that the way I'm losing isn't healthy and I need help before it turns into an ED. I get dizzy spells a lot and have had weird fainting/convulsing spells. I don't know what to do anymore 
I just can't do this anymore. I don't want to. I am not strong enough. I am doing everything my therapist and family and friends have suggested but nothing has helped. I've lost all of my passions and all I do is wake up, go to work, come home and lay in bed for hours until I take my meds then I try to sleep the rest of the night.
Whatever is happening to me I am not strong enough to deal with. I've quit trying to be strong and just let things run their course. Eventually it will either stop or I'll give in to the intrusive thoughts. Whatever happens happens I guess. 
Thank you for reading and letting get this into words.