I keep having these days where the irrational "They don't want you, so ditch them first" part of my brain is firing at full steam.  It's been especially bad all week.  I keep seeing all these friends playing games and filling up parties without me. I've even had a few invite me along but by the time I wrap up my current game they've replaced me (we're talking two minutes or less).  I have been getting triggered all week with that and I'm sitting here now, looking at steam, at [battle.net](https://battle.net), at discord... and I just want to delete all my friends and start from scratch. I have so many games that just aren't fun to play without other people and the huge group who swore they'd play it with me have basically moved onto other games without a word.  I've been trying to keep myself busy playing a few single player games again, but I'm feeling hella lonely and I just want to game with some friends.  


Have you guys ever had a relationship with someone (friend or bf/gf or whatever) where they get genuinely excited to see you, whether it be online or in person?  I've had a few, so I know what it feels like and that it's possible to have people out there who genuinely want to see me, but there's nobody like that right now. I feel it so hard that nobody is around who gives a crap if I log on and it hurts to have nobody in my life but people who could literally exist every day without seeing me and they wouldn't care.