I want to start saying I'm a drug addict, I live in mexico city and I'm 24  
I'm kind of bored so i maybe someone is gonna find it interesting

i met a girl, i was 19 i i neve had a gf before, she got me into drugs really hard, i used t be really careful with dosing and research what i was going into, our first date was in tepito, she bough acid and mdma and that was the begining of the end, months passed by and we got addicted to pregabalin, of course we would take everything that was avaliable, even selling our things and stuff, after 6 months of relationship we were mad at each other, and she lied to me so i could go see her, punani lived with her mother, granny and small brother, punani's family is kind of wealthy.  
Addcited to pills, everyday going to a prty, to an after, a concert, music festival woth friends to bars somepopelsodpsm... I was tired... sad I wanted to go home to see my new puppy, "molly" She lied to her mother, punani told her that my famiy was going trough rough times, she lied to her so i could stay with them a month, but  i wanted to go back home, ride my bike, go with my pets, and when i told her i wanted to go back she got maaad, more than mad, she got UPSET of ourse i couln not see at the ttime what was really happening, she was really selfish and she was using me as a toy, like a puppet, and she told me that if i was to go home, it was THE END of our "relationship"  
I ain't no saint, im a piece of shit whent it comes to be a piece of shit, but she was WORSE  
And you might be thinking... if she is so bad... why was I there?  
before punani, I was really introvert, there were a few girls who wanted to date me and so on, but i was really shy, one time a really hot girl wanted to give me a blowjob and i just walked away because i was so insecure of myself, then a really beautiful girl comes to "save" me... an angel... that was punani, because "she understood me" punani has got the mind of a psycho, or maybe im just really stupid who knows  
Then it happened... i go to her appartment, into his room after being with my friends, hanging out, tattooing (i used to do it as a hobby, also inked lots of her friends for free, descent work but whatever)

i was deppressed, sad, confussed, the lights were off  
\-I have to talk with you... she said

i went to bed with her and tried to hug her, buth she did not want  
\-I have to talk with you because it's over, I really like julio (a muscician we met at a bazzar) but we can still be friends if you want  
To say my word was comming a part wans't enough to say what I felt, It was toxic, with or without her  
I didn't really say anything... damn I felt bad  
\-do you got any drugs? I asked her  
\-I got klonopin, but im gonna sell it  
I gave her money and took 5, I wasnt into benzos but i just couldnt stand that feeling, so without ay water i took em  
at this point all i can remember was just walking, without making any noise because it was late at night and her family was sleeping  
i remember going to the bathroom, I took a part those things they use to shave, sorry for my english, and then... I don't remember  
the only things I remember are like flashes, like a dream, they started knocking on the door and punani was worried to the point she told her mother, then i remember opening the door and her mother screamed and told punani to put a shirt around my arm, then I remember laying down and someone was telling a girl to stitch my arm and boom back to reality.  
when i say near death experience I really mean it, i have one scar that goes all the way from my elbow to my wrist on the inner side of my arm, and another one that goes from half my arm to my wrist and some other smaller ones in the same direction, but smaller, maybe i was just afraid and didn't comit a hundred percent, i don't remember, i reallly dont remember, but i believe that's true  
It was so horrible, being high or depressed everyday for 6 months, toxic relationships, bad friends, blood... it wasnt just because of her, that was just the tip of the iceberg  
I wanted to tell this story because i can't sleep, and maybe someone will find it useful in a way, or interesting, or just straight up stupid, but it's just a story.  
I'm really not sure if i want to live, after that i saw her again and it ended up bad, my family noticed and I went to a rehab center, not because of drugs, but because I used to think i loved her, i was addicted in a way to her, even if it was only trouble, so decided to go to rehab, I needed to stay away from all of that, I love my family, they support me to this day, maybe not all of them, one by one started to walk away from me, they don't talk to me anymore  
ajust wanted to share it, I feel bad, my wiling to live is slowly going down, everyday, this is no joke, If your family supports you damn, you are so blessed