Hey, first of all I am really sorry for any mistakes related to language or cohesion. 

I was diagnosted with BPD a long time ago and I take a lot of medication that really help me. The therapy makes sense, my life became much better since I knew what was "wrong" with me and I can identify what is really happening. 

My major issue is suicidal tendencies and risky behaviour, I was commited not long ago after I used a lot of drugs in the street and people found me and called an ambulance. It was a really hard time for me because I ended up in the hospital with no ID and my parents had to pick me up and they're not really understanding with my bad moments. The psychiatrist wanted to keep me commited, but i managed to talk to my father and he agreed to take me to a private clinic with my insurance.   
He never did, I think he doesn't really believe that it can really help me (my parents are very religious). I'm in med school but my grades are shitty and I may fail for good if I don't improve. 

My life is a major mess, I have anxiety attacks and suicidal ideation daily, it's really hard, I'm not going to kill myself right now, but the thoughts get stronger everyday and my life, the way it is, it's not worth living and it's only getting worse.

Should I get commited? I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow and I can bring up my feelings and that I would feel safer in a clinic. I really don't think in-home care would do any good. I cannot take a break from school because I already did twice and I'm going to lose my scholarship if I do that again, besides, staying home would be so much worse. 

It may be a desperate move but I have really no other option, I'm scared so so scared and I don't want to feel like this anymore.