There's this person (Mark) I've been fixated on since around 2015. It's like when I saw him, there was this INSTANT interest/bond.

Ever since, it's like I HAVE to learn everything about him, even the most minute detail like his favorite color, what his medical history is, his political views, everything, and they're quite similar to mine.

Just seeing the videos he's made makes me happy, I can be really stressed out or just feeling depressed, or anxious. But then he makes me feel better.

I haven't met him in person yet, but I hope to eventually. He isn't exactly a friendly person all of the time, he can be an asshole to people and I think he may have BPD himself too. But I'm still attached to him and sometimes he even finds his way into my dreams then I get upset because it seems real.

He comes into my mind several times a day, like during dinner time I think, hmm I wonder what he's eating for dinner, or wondering when he's got home from work, when he'll be sleeping and then imagining him nice and comfy in bed. I wonder how he's doing right now.