It’s hard to say this without sounding like a stuck-up asshole, but I am a person with a high IQ who has always had gift for words. If you throw BPD in the mix, the result is a very skilled manipulator. In school I would be able to convince teachers I was right about exam answers I had in fact gotten wrong, I can talk myself out of any situation, I can make up airtight lies on the spot, and when I feel scared or like I am going to be abandoned, I can make my logic sound so convincing my partners start doubting themselves. 

When I was younger I would do it without being aware of what I was doing, but after years of therapy, I am a lot more in control of my emotions and a lot more aware of my behaviours. It is just so hard to know when I am just talking and when I am gaslighting sometimes. On a conscious level I know I do not want to manipulate or hurt anyone, and that even if it gets me the results I want, the way I obtained them is basically theft.

I was wondering if anyone has any tips on how to notice when a normal argument was turning into manipulation, and how to stop the urge to “convince” when you are afraid and just let things run their course even if they will hurt you?