So I know everyone talks about the moment you see abuse or feel abuse with each other then it’s time to go. I agree with this I do - I also recognize how hard we are both working to grow and well sometimes my bpd just makes me down right hard to be in a relationship with. Currently I’m in a relationship with someone and we both have a lot of trauma - we both have had a lot of issues going in between stonewalling and steamrolling conversations in the relationship both of us exhibit these behaviors when triggered. We both have had a lot of difficulty in relationships and childhood trauma we both also know we love each other so much and when we aren’t in survival mode we actually meet each others needs really well. But there are moments for me where I flip flop into thinking this is either all good or all bad. I’m not sure why this happens and when it does I can come up with so many things as to why I shouldn’t stay - like they don’t want my cat in their room all the time just because  I’m in there but I want my cat with me all the time so this feels unfair to me, even though they let him in sometimes, they don’t always say the right things and we often trigger each other but again that happens with literally everyone for me and this is the first person I’ve been with where I feel that they want to heal and grow with me - and not just for me like for themselves as well and they also really encourage me to take care of myself and have autonomy which I love even though it’s hard at times. Autonomy at times feels very difficult for me because I lose myself when in relationships… but it’s important to me to have love and be able to hold onto my identity. I want love and I want to learn how to work through these triggers and I want to do it with her.. so walking away because we have both hurt each other just feels like me doing the same thing I’ve always done in order to feel most at ease in myself - leave. which is valid to do but this place of ease is also very lonely and it’s just me.. I don’t want to have a life without this person but I also know in order for it to work we both have to grow a lot.. we start couples therapy next week and I’m really scared she we just tell us we are doomed because we have hurt each other and that we are in a cycle that can’t be changed.. see very black and white thinking. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this?