I am writing this in fear of being called creepy.

Its there. Constanly. Reminding myself how unloveable, ugly, pathetic and inadequate i am.

I want someone to share life with. Everything seems pointless to me whitout it. There is nothing i want more than love, [Yet its the feeling i hate the most but live the most in the world](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/di8i6n/comment/f3vxp5g)

I have tried. I asked a girl out ones but the irrational and uncontrollable jealousy and possesiveness and my clingyness, fucked me up. What was worse was that i managed to keep all the crazy inside, thanks to self harming and that still wasnt good enough. Even though its 2 months ago it hurts like it was yesterday. Because for ones i felt i didnt do anything wrong and it wasnt good enough. What is the point when even when even at my best i am not good enough?

I feel like such an ass because i am unable to enjoy the company of others because i just feel an empty void sucking all my joy and happyness. Hanging with my sister, brother, friends (the few i have) or even everyday interactions, i just become an asshole and i cant help it. I dont see a point with life and i am afraid my unhappyness is going to affect others. Like how my family members are worried for me. So much so that even though i am 22 my mom took a day of work to care for me. Making me again feel like such an asshole.

I want to give up love and if a girl likes me, just hope she makes the first move (ye right). But the feelings of being unloveable and pathetic and inadequate are so bad, being 22 and never had a girlfriend or even a kiss makes me feel so fucking pathetic and unadequate and unloveable. And dont get me started on my self confidence or the lack of its existence.

But at the same i am reminded by that Daniel Johnston song, "True Love Will Find You in the end."

What is your empty void that is eating you up?