I had a three-day breakdown. My eyes are so swollen from crying non-stop. I am calmer now. But I know it's temporary. So god-damn temporary. I don't wanna spiral again. I wanna be this calm and collected for the rest of my life. Even if I am extremely sad and suicidal, I don't wanna cry like a bitch like this again. I don't wanna be this reckless and say things that are so hurtful to people who only want to help me. God, it is so sinister knowing it's only a matter of days till' I become absolutely crazy again, and I am just sitting here waiting until it happens. I have this energy right now to better myself depsite my excruciating pain, but I know that I might wake up tomorrow and throw all this energy out the window and look for a rope to tie into a noose. I am unpredictable, dangerous and tiring. I am not asking to be happy, I just wanna be as unphased as a brick wall. I don't wanna be in a constant line for a rollercoaster ride. I just wanna know that I'll wake up tomorrow just fine.