I am going to see my psychologist today and discuss changing my medications. Currently, I'm on Zoloft and Wellbutrin for depression and Vyvanse for binge eating disorder, but I don't think depression is my issue. Honestly, I think she may have mentioned me being diagnosed with BPD before, but I can't remember.

I don't quite know how to express all of these problems to her. I don't know if she'll fully understand what I'm trying to say. I'm also very worried that she'll push me to stay on my current medication. 

I just made a 3 page list of my questions, concerns, and symptoms and rated their intensity/ frequency on a scale of 1 to 10. If you actually read this novel, thanks... and please give me your input.

Here we go...

1. I feel more anxious than depressed. I'm concerned the Zoloft and Wellbutrin are not helping with my current issues. Adjusting the dosage has not given me any results. I also want to avoid taking a "cocktail" of medications.
2. I experience severe irritability, sometimes seemingly unprovoked. (8/10)
3. I have a lack of desire for social interaction. (10/10)
4. Hearing my coworkers voices makes me tense. (9/10)
5. I worry what others think of me or may be saying about me. (7/10)
6. I compulsively pop, pick, and pluck hair, skin, and nail polish on a daily basis. (9/10)
7. I struggle with feelings and fear of abandonment. -- Example, if a close friend (of whom I have few) intends to move, I find myself distancing from them emotionally or putting up a wall. Sometimes, I even resort to anger as a form of defense. (8/10)
8. I find myself out of control with my food intake. My sweet tooth is a strong force and without the Vyvanse, I tend to binge eat. (5/10)
9. When I am angry, I get the urge to physically express it. Last week my husband and I got in a huge argument, resulting in me throwing our wedding photo down the hall and shattering the frame. (7/10)
10. This one, I simply wrote " Hard to explain... "emptiness"/ void". I can't really put that into words... I know that I should be happy. I own my home, work a great paying full-time job, have a loving husband and amazing kid... But something always feels unfulfilled somehow? (8/10)
11. I space out at random times. During conversation my attention may waiver or if I'm at my desk I let my mind wander to things I may have to do later... (6/10)
12. I at times will find myself feeling disconnected from my son and husband. I worry that I don't do enough for them or am not giving them the best of me and perhaps they resent me for my shortcomings. (6/10)
13. I experience moodswings frequently, and they can last from an hour to a couple of days. I'll go from feeling empty&gt; worried&gt; super attentive and productive/ creative&gt; exhausted&gt; hopeless and lost... on and on it goes. (9/10)
14. I am afraid of being invisible or unimportant. I often feel that I am. (7/10)
15. Other times, I find myself feeling superior to others and overly confident. It's like "super hero" status kind of mania. (7/10)
16. I attempt to quell my negative feelings with reckless behavior. I'll drive erratically, indulge in some retail therapy, or eat my feelings. (7/10)
17. I often wake up, wide awake, at 2am. I take an OTC sleeping aid nearly every night now. (8/10)
18. I notice a change in my behavior when I become close to someone. It's like I am a sponge and I'll absorb a characteristic of theirs. It could be a physical tendency or something they say on occasion. It could be an interest or eating habit. I'll see it and adopt it as my own characteristic. (5/10)
19. I create goals for myself (often a 30 day challenge related to my health) and I seldom reach them. (7/10)
20. I have been called cold, manipulative, and I'm seen as a bitch. (8/10)
21. Stressful situations cause me to put up a wall and it causes me to be seen as "aloof" or as if I don't want to be bothered. (Which... in some cases is true, but I don't want to be mean.) (9/10)
22. If I must socialize, I prefer one-on-one socialization. (6/10)
23. I find myself obsessing over a project or idea. Whether it's the prospect of moving, buying a new car, or painting a bedroom. Even if I find it is not within budget or unable to be completed, I'll continue spending a large amount of time looking into it. (6/10)
24. I sometimes feel that I can handle things better than others, or that my ideas and work are superior. It's bordering a strong sense of entitlement. (8/10)
25. Any change in routine or situation causes me a great deal of stress. I panic at the idea of any instability disrupting what I do in my day to day. (8/10)

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That's kinda all I could really put into words. It feels scattered and unorganized. I am afraid to switch up my medications and I worry that she may not fully understand my problem. I know that different medications work for different people, but I'm curious to hear what you all take if you find our symptoms mirror each other.

If anyone has any suggestion or input, please do! 

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