Hi all, 

I’ve noticed this pattern in myself where I keep going back to what’s familiar and damaging and not productive for my life because it’s known and safe and because I fear the unknown, I fear meeting new people and I fear going after the life I want. 

I moved out of a toxic home away from a mother who called me every name under the sun instead of acknowledge my illness and how little control I have over it, and I was doing well but BPD is of course always there making me feel anxious and unsafe around people and crying every day for a ‘safe’ person, which I call my mother even though she is toxic. 

I was just wondering if anyone else feels this. Opting for a ‘safe’, unproductive option in life because it’s familiar instead of embracing the unknown and believing you will be OK. 

I live in a nice place and new area but keep longing for what’s familiar but toxic. 

How do you make your safe place yourself and know you’ll be OK wherever you are. And does anyone else feel this urge to go back to what’s toxic just because it’s familiar? 

Thanks for reading xx