I’m addicted to the infatuation, the chase... it’s the greatest high I’ve ever experienced. And I’m addicted to the drama— the tears, the drunken phone calls, the fights. I know what kind of men would be good for me, but find myself attracted to men who will NOT be good for me precisely for that reason. I need the exquisite torture of “does he love me, does he not” and power trip of playing games with the guy. It’s almost like I can’t fathom romance or sex that’s not about one person having power over the other person. And I don’t want to, either, because the despair and the vicious triumph makes me feel alive.