Hi everyone,

I’m very rigid about plans and I hate when things don’t play out the way I want them to. I know this is a problem, and I’ve been working on it. I’ve been getting better at going with the flow and rearranging my schedule. My boyfriend has a lot of hang ups about cleaning so I have to wake up in the middle of the night a lot to help him. I try to do exercises every other day in the morning, but I also have to do chores, shopping, and cleaning so I’ve been good about juggling my workouts with my boyfriends needs.

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About a month ago I started using an app to micro-journal and keep track of my moods. It helps a lot to see patterns. I also act better because I want to be able to write ”good” things in the journal without lying. Yesterday I was doing great. I unexpectedly had the day off. I followed all of my boyfriend’s cleaning rules. I helped him. When he wanted food I went out shopping for him. Didn’t get angry, didn’t spiral, etc. Then in the evening he woke up, and came in angry at me because he believed he heard me go lock the frint door (I was sitting browsing my tablet the whole time... ) I was calm, and used coping skills to talk it out with him. But he kept coming back and accusing me, saying he couldn’t believe me because I’m a liar and I’ve lied in the past. I was calm for a while but finally I just flew off the handle. Besides the obvious of him not believing me, what bothered me the most was 1. Even when I do everything I’m “supposed “ to, he still gets angry. Nothing is good enough. I’m still bad. 2. I finally had a “perfect “ day and he ruined it by lying and blaming me.

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Lately I’ve really been struggling black and white thinking. “Everything’s bad. Everything I do is bad. I’m bad. Why aren’t you happy? I never do anything right.” etc. Then the only way I can get out of it is switching to a bitchy personality (never turns out well) or just telling myself “It’s okay. Everything is okay. It’s alright. It’s going to be good.” Over and over again and just putting on a happy face and doing whatever my boyfriend wants.

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tl;dr: I need coping skills/methods for inflexibility and black and white thinking. Any advice is appreciated. I have a doctor’s appointment this week, and will hopefully be referred somewhere then. But until then I could use some help.