So I have most of the traits from BPD and APD (Avoidant) and have been diagnosed as such. 

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I just have been trying to get into dating again (other guys since I am gay) and honestly I have just realised I am not letting anyone get close to me, I keep on putting up walls. This guy who I am dating has figured up something is up and is asking about it (he maintains he doesn't care about it) but I don't want to drop the bomb on this one (/r/askgaybros thinks I am morally obligated to tell him since it's in both of our interests) 

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I am just realising I don't like myself mostly due to my past actions and the PDs.