I'm going back on my meds for the 4th time. It worked very well every other time I've taken it, and right now it is better than being off meds... Instead of crying every day, I'm mostly sleeping.

I dream so much, and I sleep all the time, taking advantage of the fact that I work from home. It's not that I feel tired. I just have nothing to do, and no happiness while I'm awake. It's better to live in dreams. There's nothing I long for all day other than getting some time for myself so I get some shut eye. I have work, and activities I force myself to go to, but all I want is to sleep. I keep wondering if I should just take all my meds and sleep for good. The only thing stopping me is that I'd hurt my mother. I'm on a meeting right now that serves no purpose while I type this, and all I can think is about moving back to bed as soon as it's over. I don't hate waking up, but there's nothing pleasurable for me to do. I'm just going through the motions. At least sleep makes the time go fast instead. I feel like I'm losing all the years of my life, and I wish so much I felt happy while being awake. I'm not sure what's worse. To think that in twenty years I'll be upset I spent so much time sleeping… Or that I'll be feeling exactly the same thing as I'm feeling now, wishing every second I'm awake that I could be asleep.