I've been trying to fight my demons for a long time. I'm even on antidepressants right now because at one point I realised this is damn serious. And I really wanted to get better and I couldn't myself. But even after all that and learning to think more positively I'm still here, thinking about what to do. There's a lot of stuff that lead me here, I changed colleges, moved out, not doing so great on the new college either and it's a vicious cycle. But probably the biggest shovel for my depressive pit is me realising I'm transgender, but on the other hand not being entirely sure and not knowing who I am. Also I have the (likely irrational) fear that my coming out would ruin my life even more. All of these combined make me feel like I'm pretty much failing in all aspects of life and I have no sense of direction. I'm strong enough to avoid any dangerous thoughts, but overall it's getting difficult to navigate. And there's just no one to talk to who would understand.