Haven’t been in therapy for two years &amp; have been with my bf for a year now. Recently we haven’t liked some of his traits &amp; we both realised that he’s narcissistic. (I say we because we are genuinely each other’s best friends, we started our relationship as a friendship first). Cue awwww’s 😂. 
Anyway, i broke up with him twice in two weeks. Wtf is wrong with me? He was so patient &amp; spoke me “down” from the cliff of giving up forever. I love him even more for not giving up on me when I get scared &amp; try to run away. Past trauma is causing me to panic. (Have dated a fair few narcissists now I have hindsight &amp; knowledge). I’ve been extremely down recently &amp; depression has crept it’s way back into my life. Suicide is never far from my mind &amp; feels so welcoming - how awful to say. 

If you’re feeling suicidal, please speak to someone. As they say, I’d rather listen to you cry than attend your funeral. 

Looking to get into therapy again-specifically DBT. 

Side note, anyone else smoke to “quieten” their body/mind?