it's funny i want to kill myself but i have this crippling fear of death

but also shit has hit the fan recently and i have been feeling that less

i want to just not exist, i don't want to own up to my mistakes, i don't want to believe i did what i did, it makes me feel like a piece of shit, i let myself down i hurt people and i continue to do so because i feel like this is who i am now, i am beyond reprieve no matter how much i apologise or feel contrition or remorse or anything  it doesn't matter, as people have blocked me and have told me to stay away. I should honour that wish since I couldn't honour their past wishes.

&amp;#x200B;

so yeah

killing myself moment? pog. everyone getting riled up cos i'm posting suicidal content and shit and being like "oooh no dont do it OP my friend did it and that made me sad"  


bitch i don't care if anything i wouldn't mind swapping places with them? you probably prefered them to what I am anyway

I am scum

I am pain

I am disgusting, awful, and its not like this shitty country and white-ruled world doesn't think so either. Next time you racially abuse someone or even think about just think about me, OP who will take that abuse and keep it inside them for decades and then I wonder why I am swimming in hatred, full of hate, full of shit, i think i'm swimming in hatred, but i'm not, i'm slowly sinking, i've grown gills to allow myself to breathe in the hatred but I haven't grown eyes.

&amp;#x200B;

ggodddammit if i can't do it i will happily have someone else do it for me please just kill me lmao