I've had a partner for years, he is kind, secure, and handles my shit far better than I've ever hoped from a partner from. He is my very FP in my book but I'm stable around him, I don't get antsy when he doesn't reply/ he's away, I know he will never hurt me or leave me. I was thinking about my past relationships and how relieved I am to be over having an FP but I realized it's not totally true.

Now I "hunt" for a friend to be my FP. Nothing sexual anymore or wanting to be in a relationship but I have the same 'pick me energy' (that people casually throw as an insult recently, ya I'm mirroring and bootlicking because this is the only way I feel like I can be loved fuck me, right) and I shower them gifts and I feel unstable, I can never truly be myself because I am constantly aware and high around them and I feel like shit when they don't communicate with me or don't seem to be as equally as obsessed with me as I am with them. 

It's so exhausting. It's so sad and return to my partner's arms but the whole time they're trying to comfort me, I am plotting and scheming on how to make my friend be obsessed with me. 

Having an FP never stops, apparently.