I was only diagnosed last March, at first I felt relief knowing there was an exact reason I felt all the feelings I did. Then a few months later when my awareness of my symptoms peaked it just got me mad all the time, I went to docs hoping to get rid of these feelings to be told I never will but I can learn to manage them better, I still replay the app over and over again, the day I realised this is it for me. I hadn't even heard of bpd prior to everything that led to my diagnosis. I just can't seem to accept it and until I do I know I'll never get any better, I just feel sm resentment and hatred in my heart for the people who made me like this ( my childhood was pretty crappy and I'm certain if I grew up in a safe loving enviroment I wouldn't have bpd ) and I know that's no  good and only making my recovery harder, I've never been the kind of person to hold a lot of hate for others (quiet bpd ) but I just can't help it. I am mad, I'm upset, I'm disappointed, I feel let down, I feel unloved, and I'm super frustrated at myself for not just being able to suck it up and be in control of my emotions. I just want it all to go away, but it's never gonna, so how do I accept and live with it 

( p.s I was in dbt therapy but I got discharged for 2 missed appointments, missed those 2 appointments too because my mental health just wouldn't allow me to leave the house that day, the irony)