I was going to come here to vent, but I figured out it was best for me to not do that and just do it more privately with a friend for now. But, I noticed that when I have too much emotional pain to handle. I have three different reactions. 

1. Like most of us, I can't stop crying no matter how desperately I want to

2. I go into slightly age regression mode because I can't handle being an adult at the moment

3. I laugh, I just laugh. Is not even because I find my existence or whatever is happening funny I'm just im in so much pure raw pain and agony that I can't even cry like a normal person, I just laugh. 

And I literally I'm wondering right now, is this normal? Is this like a common thing because our brain just tries to search for ways to calm us down or am I on the minority here? Genuinely wondering, I had a friend speculate that that is just the way my brain expresses this negative emotion sometimes. But it just doesn't seem appropriate in my opinion.

Another example TW: Death of a pet (if you need to skip until you see another parenthesis)

When one of my Chihuahua's died, she died of parvo virus. And because the older adults that I live with sometimes aren't as responsible I was the one who ended up cleaning all the blood and I had to stay up late watching her and I was seriously hoping I was going to save her. 

And while I was cleaning the blood at some point I just started laughing, I was still crying but I was just laughing. I just felt in so much pain and I legitimately felt like something was just breaking inside of me to the point that I guess, in a way, I needed to laugh the pain away to relieve myself. 

Of course I feel like I looked like a total movie psychopath while doing so. And it made me feel guilty, since you shouldn't be laughing in a situation where your beloved pet, that you love way too much,  is dying. (End of my anecdote) 

But I guess that I have accepted this reaction as a part of me in some way.

I did read somewhere that there's like a neurological thing that might make you have inappropriate reactions to emotions? I really don't know if that could be my case. And the problem is, that in my case it's only with emotional pain, and the article did mentioned that it needed to also be with happiness when this happens (basically when your happy you cry as if you were in pain)  But I'm kind of wondering if someone else here has something similar and if it has to do with BPD in a way or if I have to look somewhere else to know why this is happening OR if it's just nothing and I shouldn't worry about it. 

( I'm kind of wondering if this could be flaired as "Acted opposite to emotion" but I'm pretty sure that is just a coping skill, I think, I'm still handling this as best as I can, I only have been diagnosed some months ago so, sorry for being ignorant of a few things)