Long time lurker, first time poster. I'll keep it short.

I'm married and have had inappropriate attachments to people most of my life that I didn't know what to do with. It seemed like no one else felt sick to their stomach or driven by what feels like an internal constantly revving engine to be near or around or talked to by a specific person so I tried really hard to keep it quiet. People already thought I was so strange what with all the other symptoms that go along with this (spoiler alert: they still do and I have never been able to hide it). 

This person in question played a large role during a tough time in my marriage and so it's a bit of a mess to speak with them (not an affair, just too nuanced to really get across unless I felt like writing a novel). But I miss them. I went no contact for about a year and it just dulled the feeling, it didn't go away. Now they have waltzed back in and I'm doing it again. I'm pacing around waiting for them to text back. I'm irritable and obsessive and I feel nauseous because I know that this isn't okay but I don't know how to make it stop.

I did a search through the sub but none of the titles seemed to fully match. I don't know what to do and I need help before I do something destructive or stupid. Does no contact just take longer than a year to work for someone you hang your emotional well being on? Is this just harder because of what I am? I just want to feel a normal amount of affection towards people.