I was diagnosed borderline in November by an excellent psychiatrist. He listened to what I had to say about my last fee years for full two separate sessions (about two hours) before coming to my diagnosis. But I cant’t help feeling like it’s wrong? I read all these posts here and so much of what is posted just doesn’t resonate:

1. I’m not manipulative. Sometimes I lie to seem cooler or make things seem worse than they are so people feel sorry for me. I guess that’s a little manipulative. But it’s rare.
2. I don’t split - EVER. Sometimes I get mildly and irrationally annoyed and mean, but that’s normal, right?
3. I never have violent outbursts, they’re mostly very self-contained. There have been rare times when I have screamed or done something dramatic. My last “episode” was Christmas when I couldn’t handle my family hating each other and ran away drunk to the middle of the woods and screamed. But I kept texting my friends so I could intentionally make them worried about me. That was the most recent, but I didn’t self harm or hurt anyone else so does that even qualify?

When I do break down it’s mostly on my own, picturing myself getting hurt, killed, screaming. Sometimes scream into my pillow but rarely. I can’t even bring myself to cut, thought I want to. I feel empty inside. 

I know no one here is qualified to help me, but I just feel like I’m not an actual borderline