Love her but anything makes my mind go to thoughts and feelings that have no justification. It's hard to trust anyone when it's hard to believe anyone truely cares about you. 

Maybe I'm looking for reasons to welcome the inevitable? I push everyone in my life away. Why should she be different? 

Does it truely hurt less if it's self inflicted or by another? I hate being consumed, why can't I just be normal, be happy? I bring everyone around me down, always have always will