It became very clear this week that no one likes me or cares for me. 

I had to attend a workshop for 3 days and everyone hit it off, they all talked to each other and made friends, but I was the only one sitting in the back, not talking to anyone. No one approached me or said anything to me. Do I give up some kind of stay-away-from-me vibe or what? I'm introvert with social anxiety. If someone talked to me, I'd talk to them, but I can't start a conversation.

Yesterday I petted my parents dog while he way laying on the sofa and he didn't move or react, but when my brother petting him just a few seconds latter, he put his head up and wagged his tail. Not even animals like me and animals are supposedly good judge of character. 

My parents hate me, idk, but it's obvious they love my brother. The only thing I'm good for is driving them around, mom doesn't have a driving licence and dad can't drive because he has vertigo. I'm basically their chauffeur. Every thing I do or say they find something wrong with. It's like I'm the stupidest person on the planet. Today I was washing dishes and mom stood in the middle of the kitchen telling me how I'm doing it wrong and wasting water. Yesterday I asked dad something and he started yelling at me for something completely different. I can't stand my brother. If it were up to me, I'd never want to see him again. We've never been close and that will never change. When we were younger, teenagers, he even hit me a few times and my parents didn't do anything, they always defended him. 

I'm fat, obese. It'd be nice if I wasn't, but I have no will to lose weight. I think that's because I subconsciously think it'll eventually kill me. I'm too much of a coward to kill myself, so I guess slowly killing myself with food is a way to go. 

In the last year or two I lost all interests, I don't care about anything anymore, I just want to die. I don't want to get better, I don't want help, I'm just tired of living and I want it all to be over already. 

I have no idea why I wasted time writing this and I'm to tired to think and try to figure out why.