Thanks in advance to anyone who reads this and offers any advice or insight.
So my girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for over nine months now. Basically the problem we’re having is that I’m struggling to be supportive during her episodes, I myself have schizoaffective and have my own different episodes. The thing is that her episodes mainly consists of her being emotionally abusive to me. Now the beginning of our relationship was really rocky and I did have episodes where I was emotionally abusive or manipulative but I’ve been working on it, I have refrained from such behavior for a little while now hoping to see a change in her behavior as well because I wish to have a healthy future with this lovely beautiful girl. I’m not going back to my old ways. Over a span of a few months I have made a lot of progress emotionally and I’m even going to see a therapist that specializes in bpd as my mom has it as well as my girlfriend and they think I show similar behaviors as them however my doctor remains confident that my disorder is bipolar/schizo, I’ve been diagnosed and successfully on antipsychotics for 3 years now. Getting to the point, I want to be there for her and for the most part I can be. I can tolerate the “I hate yous” and the “youre a pos” but sometimes she says extremely hateful stuff. She’s a wonderful person we have so much in common and when we’re having fun we’re bonding incredibly, but these episodes man some of the stuff she’s said really penetrates my psyche. In the past I have threatened to hurt myself because of the stress, anxiety, and voices, but this has stopped and I’ve been reaching out to my supports more than ever to avoid doing this or even actually hurting myself, this generates a new problem though because now that I do that she claims that I’m abandoning her when I’m really only taking a healthy amount of space. I know this is all really bad and that this relationship will probably be advised to end. To top it off she’s not in therapy or taking medication. She’s been misdiagnosed and is not receiving proper treatment. It is extremely difficult for her to help herself and call to make appointments, get to appointments etc. And her family is not supportive at all. She is cannabis dependent and I’m trying to help her quit because she has especially bad episodes when her mom and her grandma don’t give her weed. I’m sending her two grams of cbd isolate pretty soon and a dab pen to smoke it with and I’m actively encouraging her to quit, that it clouds her judgements and makes her delusions worse, she admits it’s an escape for her and is actively trying to stop. I think the hemp will be the extra push she needs to quit that. I already got her a pod vape and we both quit smoking cigarettes so I know she can do it. I already send her Kratom regularly which 90% of the time will stop her episodes but she will refuse to take it if she wishes to prolong her episodes. She goes back and forth between believing that she’s no good for me and thinking she’s the last Pepsi in the desert. I’m writing this post in desperation because her current episode is on going and has been for the past 7 hours. We went to bed fine I don’t know what’s happening. She keeps threatening to leave me and some of her threats are especially concerning because she’s implying hurting herself. This has happened in the past and I have called an ambulance to her house after saying she was attempting only for her to be lying and just making me worry on purpose. I still take the threats very seriously as being in the mental health system for 5 years has trained me to do so. I’ve offered to pay for counseling she refused claims she’s getting into therapy but it’s taking so long for her to get it done. I think this is all the information I can comfortably share. Thank you to anyone that has read this. And though many will advise me to end things I love her much too dearly and I’m her only support right now. How can I turn her episode around? What can I do? What can I say? I’ve just been telling her I love her and advising her to take some Kratom to calm her down. Also I don’t wanna hear about the dangers of Kratom she uses it very modestly and doesn’t have any dependence on it. Just one gram is all she takes no more than twice a day.