On December 1st I had my first panic attack that appeared completely out of the blue as I was trying to sleep. (I’ve had panic attacks before but they were mostly marijuana Induced) and on December 4th at around 2am I had another crippling panic attack, I wasn’t afraid of dying I was more afraid that I was losing my mind. After that I haven’t been the same. I woke up the next day and from the second I opened my eyes I knew something was off, I was extremely anxious and depressed and didn’t know what was happening to me, i decided to quit cigarettes, I was convinced that they were fucking up my brain. (I smoked from ages 17-24 about a pack a day) 

I was basically fucked up from the second I woke up to the second I went to sleep for a little over a month, every single day, I couldn’t eat, I lost 13 pounds, I couldn’t sleep, slept about 3 hours a night, nothing brought me joy everything was just misery. From horrible intrusive thoughts that plagued my mind to the crippling fear that I was going to go insane any second now or develop schizophrenia, or the constant worry that none of this is real and that I’m already insane. the DR/DP really took me for a ride. I ended up in the ER twice out of fear I was going mad. They assured me it was nothing to be worried about just anxiety, and referred me for therapy which has helped and my GP put me on Zoloft which I haven’t taken yet just because I haven’t been able to speak with a psychiatrist yet. 

A family friend suffers from panic disorder gave me a load of Kolonopin for the “just in case” moments. The same night I got it I woke up in a flurry in the middle of the night but refused to take the kolonopin (I suffer from a pill/drug/alcohol phobia, I don’t like things that change my cognition) the next morning I bit the bullet and took the pill as a test run, to see how my body would react, if I’d have any Side effects or what not. It was tame and I didn’t feel anything other than same anxious thoughts but they didn’t...have any effect on me, my mind didn’t race, my heart didn’t speed up I didn’t sweat or anything which made me uneasy, the same thoughts that plagued my mind for over a month now all of a sudden made me feel...nothing? It was strange to say the least. 

So now fast forward about 5 days since I took the kolonopin (only took it once .25mg) and I feel “normal” my anxiety has dropped down about 80% my mind seems to be more positive, I’m eating again, sleeping slightly better and all that, but I still feel...off I still have the thoughts from a month ago but they don’t make me feel the way I did, which again just feels strange. 

So my question is, has anyone developed severe anxiety and depression literally out of the blue with panic attacks, suffered daily for a little over a month, and then one day wake up and just feel “normal” for a couple days out of the blue? I’m just trying to make sure this isn’t like some evolved anxiety where it’s just part of my being now and I don’t notice it. 

(Another thing worth mentioning is my personality basically did a complete 180° prior to this I loved hyper violent stuff, video games, cursing, death jokes, everything was on the table for me, being alone and away from people. but since then I can’t stand the sight of violence, don’t like video games as much, I meditate, do puzzles, read books, curse less, and feel generally more empathetic than ever before I want to be around people and feel lonely when I’m not with them)