Hello everyone,

I am currently feeling very overwhelmed and not sure what to do or where to turn. This is my first post here in this reddit thread, so please forgive me if I did not tag this post appropriately. 

Everything here is going to be so jumbled because I can't really keep my thought running in a straight line.

I have been seeking therapy/medication for bpd, but I cannot afford the therapy costs or prescription costs and life is getting out of control. I feel like every single day that I am just going to completely lose my fucking mind. Every day, I feel farther and farther away from reality. I don't know what to do anymore. I've been so low for the last couple of weeks that I don't know if I'm going to make it back up. Sometimes, I just feel like I might be better off to just check out. I don't know what to even do anymore. My anxiety has been so bad that I feel like I can't even step outside of my house. Every time I think about it, it feels like my chest is going to collapse. I can't hold a job anymore. I've isolated myself from everyone that I care about besides my husband. I don't have any friends or any family that I can turn to. 

I feel so bad because my husband is so loving and cares so much, but I feel so toxic. He is such a blessing to me, and I feel so bad because sometimes its like a switch flips in my head and I can't control myself. I find my self being so snappy and angry with him for absolutely no reason. This all just feels so overwhelming. I don't know anymore.

  
Sorry, anyway, I guess I'll step out now. Thanks for listening Reddit.