
We don’t live that close to each other, so it’s kinda like a long distance relationship? (Like 2-3 hours by train) 
I have had this feeling every time we saw each other again after a few weeks, but never to that extreme instant. 
Today I saw him and he kissed me, it felt like I don’t know him. I was so creeped out and settled, because of him and the situation. I feel like the worst person tbh. He knows I need distance sometimes and he tries to give me what I need, but since he also has bpd traits he has a hard time doing that. 

However, I wonder if that is a somewhat normal thing? 
After a few hours it got better but it still felt strange and weird. I feel like I don’t know him; when I look at him he looks so strange and unrecognisable.
Could it be that I derealise? 
I often depersonalisate and derealisation is also a common thing for me to do, and when I look in the mirror, I don’t recognise myself and it kinda felt like that when I looked at him. He looked strange to me. I think strange suits it very well.
Also, I’ve had psychotic symptoms for the last week or so which kinda scares me. My sleep doesn’t seem resting to me / doesn’t feel like it’s restoring my energy and does what it should be doing. I feel a bit different, I often do, so maybe that could associated with it?

Does anyone know that feeling?
 what does it mean? 

I am so confused and scared :(