So there was this guy who was an amazing friend of mine. We kissed and made out for a few days. However, I was already in a relationship so this was cheating. And then a few days later he said we can't do this it's not right. We still kept meeting though. I got really really attached to him man. Not right Ik. Like I did whatever I could just to get his attention. Crying, calling him up, self harming in his vicinity. It's so fucked up. I feel so ashamed of myself.

Eventually he stopped talking to me. Later on my boyfriend also broke up with me. It was devestating obviously. After my break up I reached out to him and started talking to him again. He was clearly avoiding me but I kept reaching out thinking there is some future? Idk. I just really wanted to be close to him you know. Even if there is not future.

So now I am stuck in that loop of trying to avoid him enough so he thinks I am just a friend. But I end up texting him very often. And he avoids me even more. This damages my self respect every time it happens. I feel bad. But then I want to feel better so I reach out to him. And the loop repeats.