I don’t know what to do, I’m so lost. I’m 20 years old in college, today is thanksgiving. I’m going to drive to visit my mom and dog, and other relatives. 

But I’ve been depressed since I was 16 and I’m considering ending my life after I turn 21 in may. But a part of me does not wanna die. I just need this pain to end. 

I’m grateful for all that I have. Especially since I know I have friends and family that love me. But I know they can all go on without me, except my mom. She’s the only one that would stop me from ending my life. 

Please, I’m asking for guidance from anyone. How are you supposed to save yourself? Crippling depression and anxiety is a vicious cycle when you keep trying to improve, but they keep holding you back. It feels like I’m drowning and I’m headed towards the inevitable death I’ve only handed to myself. I just want this unbearable pain to go away I can’t even cry anymore. I’ve been numb for years