I'm a monster and it's not even intentional nor is it self sabotage. I'm just that honestly terrible, selfish, narcissistic and above all else a liar...its like whichever way it goes i remain apathetic in all cases. But being who I am things naturally just turn to shit. Ppl get hurt and I don't even care...all bc I couldn't stand to be alone. I forged false promises and identities to keep ppl around to distract myself from facing my own demons...bc I couldn't stand being left alone w my lack of self. And I keep doing it...I use the guise that I'm actually helping ppl out of thier pits of despair. They all open up to me..it's twisted...I actually need to die...I won't stop bc that's the only thing I find myself hold onto...lies to preserve my sanity..but I'm far from it..it's all pretend..im sick...I need to die but I won't, I can't...distractions..I'm fuckd up