im still hung up over an argument i had w my fp. every ounce of my brain is telling ne to NOT love him but my heart literally keeps winning. i saw him and some friends today to watch a movie and we agreed he'll sit next to me and instead sat next to the person im very paranoid he'll replace me with and a girl who's touchy with him. it genuinely made me want to kill myself and i just wanted to go home

the argument was about our dynamic i guess. it was more like me snapping after asking him politely for quality time together so i dont want to kill myself half the tome (hes called me his best friend before but we genuinely have no bonding activity or like inside joke together) and also saying "hey you know i like u why do u keep sending me shit ab wanting to date someone SO BAD"

apparently he never knew i liked him after i confessed the first time. he just assumed i got over it. ive liked him for two years now. so that negates the first argument right? then he calls me delusional for ever thinking he'd like me

the exact quote is 

"so ur reasoning is delusion snd im at fault for that"

he says he feels bad but thid has genuinely been looping in my fucking head. it's completely destroyed ny perception of him as a person. 

he says im too sad all the time but im only ever sad because we never spend time together or bond together one on one. even though i told him so many times and explained that hes my fp. idk im just so sad

and when im sad im angry so i just start saying awful shit and i feel so fucking guilty all the time.