This was the second one I had been with. Both of their  behaviors matched 100% and they also both matched 100% my friends now ex wife who was formally diagnosed with BPD twice.

She was an absolute 10. We met online on an elite dating web site. She immediately said yes to a date. On the first date she would love bomb me, I haven't dated in 3 years since my divorce, you were the only guy I responded to, we have so much in common, etc. A few days after the first date she called me and asked how serious I was about us possibly taking our profiles down, something I mentioned on our first date. We both took our profiles down. Red flag #1, very quick to get me to commit.

First couple months she'd give me amazing sex, be sweet, buy me gifts, talk me up, talk about us getting married, said I was better than any of her exe's, etc. Red flag #2 love bombing, some of which occurred on date #1. 

Fast forward 2 months. We got into an argument when I saw something on her phone as she was scrolling through pictures, her and a guy posing for pictures together like a couple a couple years before we met. I questioned it since she told me she hadn't dated in 3 years since her divorce. She claimed it wasn't that, which to be fair, she had told me a month prior her sister would invite her out and some guy she was trying to set her up with would be there but it wasn't dating, she was adamant. She said that's what this was. I was skeptical as this was an out of state trip and she knew the guy through work she said, he was one of her contractors but was adamant she never saw him anywhere outside of work until her sister invited that guy to the trip unbeknownst to her. Red flag #3, her story about her past didn't match the evidence.

Problems developed as a result of this. I became suspicious of everything she told me. She'd call me and say guys hit on her when she was out, all the time. She'd see how I'd respond. She kept asking me what I am to her. Do you love me. She talked about us getting married. She became jealous of exes numbers in my phone and asked me to delete them and their pictures. She kept showing me she NEEDED me. I was flattered. Her telling me guys were always hitting on her were attempts to trigger me to show how much I loved her, was not leaving, show jealousy. Red flag #4

More problems came. I listed out boundaries. She agreed to them. She saw I was jealous of attention she gets from other men. So she started doing things to trigger me. From what I understand BPD's do this to get you to validate her, show her I really wanted her by chasing her and making me show I was here for good and wanted her. Whereas before she would fish for things to validate her, now she did things such as check out other guys repeatedly in front of me to cause an argument, get me to show I really wanted her. She was adamant that she was not checking out other guys, but she indeed was, it was very obvious. Red flag #5.

She then would over time do fake breakups to get me to chase and validate her. I did. She'd then ask me what is it about her that makes her so special, why didn't I chase other women I was with before, etc. So I'd tell her and she'd say you're just saying that, you probably say that to all the girls, do you really mean it? Red flag #5, constantly trying to get validation and assurance that I valued her.

Her triggering me got worse and worse over time. She didn't like boundaries. She would test them more and more. In the end we were driving each other nuts. She wanted to go out and travel all the time leaving me and her kids here (we didn't live together) but I wanted us to be a family, which is what she portrayed to me as what she wanted initially. Because of that incompatibility and her suspicious behaviors I kept adding more boundaries and digging more. 

Toward the last 2.5 months she and I kept initiating breakups then getting back together after 30 minutes, then an hour, then 7 hours, then a day, then 3 days, each time was longer. She had tried to break up with me for 6 weeks back and forth before the end. She'd send long breakup texts and I would chase or ignore, either way she came back and I started to consider them fake breakups. Three weeks before my birthday we had a bad fight and she told me she had already decided to end it after my  birthday, since I kept telling her let's make it through my birthday which she had agreed to. She was acting really suspicious in the two weeks leading up to it, I got the impression she was going out with people. 

When she arrived for my birthday I snooped and sure enough, she was on match.com (verification code on her phone but cleared browser history to try to cover it up forgetting the text code, guys numbers in her phone (I called) programmed as womens names, and I found text messages indicating she was misleading me about not going out. Turns out she was going out until 1 AM with groups of men and women and who knows who else. One of the guys she had saved in her phone as a girl she was also researching online to learn who he really is. I called that guy but he said they are in the same investing class together and are like brother and sister. 

She still denied ALL of this despite all evidence...I left. Surprisingly I have not heard from her since (4 days). I wonder if she will reach out. I doubt she was sleeping with anyone, as do friends of mine who know her (we were together 6 months. That's not really like her, it took a month to get intimate. I think she was just going through the motions last few weeks until my birthday. Was getting a head start on finding her next victim....We had agreed to break up after my bday so we both were just going through the motions. In hindsight I should have just walked from her or let her walk in January when we first started trying to break up with each other.