Years ago I went to work for the council in the next town over. I was just 18 then and it was my proper “adult job” it wasn’t anything hard. My job just had me driving a van collecting rubbish and materials from jobs the various trades were on with and then getting materials they needed. I wasn’t from this town so it was quite stressful receiving phone calls to places I didn’t know and having to follow a Sat-Nav everywhere. I cried the first few weeks of starting. My parents told me to try and stick it out a few weeks or even to Christmas. (It was October at the time)I ended up working there for 3 years and I generally enjoyed it. 

I then got offered an apprenticeship from a dodgy company (I didn’t know at the time) that I thought would be a great step forward. I went and cried for the first 4 days eventually making the choice to leave. I found myself jobless for several days until by LUCK the people my Father worked for said I could work there until something came up and I could move on. There was no tears I just simply went. I ended up loving working there for the next 3 years until a few month ago. 

A different council in another town (30 minutes away) was offering the job I used to do at the old council for a lot more money. With me and my partner trying to move on with our lives and buy a house and start a family so I applied and eventually got the job and started last week. 

Last week was absolute hell. I started on Monday and all week it’s been worse than it’s ever been. Headaches, sickness, food tasting of nothing, fatigue, hysterical crying, upset stomach, nightmares, skipping meals and worrying about the worst outcome. It feels like I can’t return to my normal life and normal nights. In a fit of hysterics I even rang an agency and begged them for a job to no avail. The entire job has sucked my life away. I can’t leave I have bills and a family to pay for. It’s Sunday night and I can feel a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach.