Hello everyone.

I’m male, 30 and I live alone in London.
I’m originally from Italy and I have spent the last eight years of my life in the UK.

During the years I always been a bit of a troublemaker, with a good dose of hyperactivity and depression going on.
However, I always have been blessed by a lot of talents that gave me a sense of purpose.

The last two years have been terrible however, much worse than usual.

After breaking up with my previous girlfriend everything changes.

I have lost interest in most things, I can’t manage to find a purpose or something I would like to keep doing for the rest of my days.
I’m not even interested in sex no more, regardless of being quite attractive and desired.

For the first time in my life I started to develop the idea that it would be better to be dead than loving this way.

I have no sincere friends and I do a job o don’t like. Too late for me to study and too traumatised to look for another person to share my life with.
Most of the people I know aren’t even aware that I have broken up with my partner and living by myself since the past year.

I feel like I am left behind, that I have wasted my time to my ha no I’m too damaged to have a normal relationship with someone.

I tried therapy, didn’t work, got back to drugs.
And even when I stop doing drugs life does not get better.

I can’t wait to have days off work, but then when they come I stay in my room all day.
I even call Deliveroo if I’m hearing people in the kitchen so I don’t have to deal with it…

I don’t even know why I’m writing all of this stuff on Reddit.

I just hope everything gets better.
Hope isn’t dead yet, but it is not feeling too well either..