So I've had these 5 or so friends since freshman year of high school and now it's the summer before college. I'm honestly surprised we've stayed friends as long as we've had. There's been so so much drama and fighting and our sophomore year for about 4 months we barely spoke to each other but somehow we got through it. They're sometimes the most amazing people but a lot of the time they're incredibly selfish and inconsiderate. There have been months where I felt like there was no point to my existence with them at all and no it's not my paranoia...it was proven time and time again. At my lowest points they made me feel lower by telling me my problems were annoying and not important to flat out ignoring me when I spoke. Each one has done this to varying degrees. Some haven't necessarily contributed to this but never cared to make it better. But then there are times when they would constantly check up on me if I was going through something or listen to everything I had to say just so I could let it out. It's been a lot of ups and down and that's just kinda my life. Every person who has ever meant anything to me has been incredibly back and forth. I don't know how to do the steady thing. Right now, there's all this drama and since it's our last summer together I can feel everyone just giving up and moving on. My best friend, L, has a crush on one of our other friends, S, who just got her heart broken by this girl, G (not in our friend group) but who is now dating our other friend, I, and it's a huge mess that no ones wants to touch. Pretty much everyone is unwilling to hang out or see each other and I'm the only one trying to keep things together. Everyone is splitting off into their own little groups and I'm just left here...alone...I'm no ones favorite person and even the person I consider my best friend takes me for granted. She's in love with S and pretty much calls her, her best friend even though she's constantly complaining about how little attention she gets from her and it's like..okay? Just kill me now cause clearly I should just give up and crawl into a deep dark hole and never come out. I hate this. It's like everyone's doing shit with their lives and having friends and being happy and I'm here just trying to keep from stabbing myself with a knife as they all pretend I don't exist. I keep telling myself just make it to the end of the summer. But it's getting harder and harder to remember to do that. Do I just seclude myself? Do I keep trying and getting shot down? It's like either way I end up feeling shitty about myself....