I feel like for years I've been stuck in a moment, and I just want to be unstuck. I still remember it. I was in the car, going home after taking a university entrance exam. I remember the view, which side I was on the car. What he said, the tone of his voice. 

When I let my mind wander, I am there again. It plays over and over in my head like a broken record. Sometimes I feel nothing of it. Sometimes I cry until I'm out of breath. I try to focus on other things, but in the end im still stuck.Time hasn't moved properly for awhile now because I'm still there.

Ever since then I've just regressed as a person. Less social, isolated myself. Made no new friends ever since I entered university. Lost contact with old friends, why bother with someone like me. Panic attacks. Im a cripple physically, i cant even walk normally until now.

Somehow I was still functioning academically, I have no idea how but I've been a deans lister for the past 5 trimesters which is considered stellar. But I don't feel stellar. I feel like a fraud among my batchmates. An alien. Next academic year is starting and I still feel burnt out from lthe ast term. 

I have a very strong urge to neglect all my responsibilities and just curl up in my bed and sleep forever. But I know I'm not going to. I don't want to waste my parents money.

I'm just so tired and lonely and have no idea how to fix it. There is just nothing in my life I look forward to. Im a fake. I want to give up.