I don't know wtf is wrong with me. As title says, it's been14 months since I first reached out, and12 months since I got my my BPD diagnosis... and I FINALLY had my first session of therapy yesterday. It went good, I'm going to seeing her every week, and I l liked her. She was understanding, validating, and empathetic. It went so much better than I hoped.

Yet since I got home yesterday I've been self destructing. I took 5 Valium, and binged like fuck in the evening. And today I've felt revolting inside out, absolutely disgusting, and I headbutted a wall on my way home from work so hard it left a mark and cut myself. For zero reason. I have no reason to feel so fucking horrific inside but I do and I don't know why. I just want it to stop.


Oh well. I guess I can tell my therapist this next week, lol. 