It starts with a mutual experience. We worked together. We studied together. We partied together. These people are cool. They are so much fun. Let's go for cocktails. Lets go bowling. Lets see a band.

"Friend tagged you in a photo". The biggest smile stretches across my face. I didn't post one first. They did. They like me. We're friends.

There's a group thread. I have to turn it on mute so I can get to sleep because its always going off. The biggest smile stretches across my face. I'm so secure in this friendship that I can go without reading the messages because I know they'll still be there when I come back.

There's a weekend away. The endless inside jokes. The spontaneous dinners that turn into big nights. The comfortable, relaxed movie nights in. There's something so nice about being comfortable enough with people to just chill and watch movies. 

They pick you up after work on the way to a party. They send you a photo of something saying "this made me think of you". We're friends. This will never go away. Maybe I was wrong about people - maybe I can trust again. It feels good to be apart of a group again.

Then one day they forget to invite you to something, or a spontaneous hangout between two members of the group leads to everyone being there except for you. They probably didn't mean to. "Sorry dude, it was spur of the moment thing. We didn't do it on purpose." It's fine.

Then you hang out and you start to notice the exchanged looks between everyone except you. Are they imagined or real? "What are you talking about?" "When did that happen?"

"Oh. You weren't there."

Is it just me? 

The group thread slows. Did they start a new one without me?

✓ Seen 05:22pm

"Friend tagged 3 others in a photo." Everyone except me.

Why is this happening again? 

"Hey dude, noticed you were a bit off tonight at dinner - is everything ok?"

Don't fucking pretend like you care. I know you hate me. Fuck off. I'm not stupid.

I'm not apart of it anymore. Am I distancing myself from them or are they doing that? Things speed up and slow down at the same time.

"Sorry, I'm busy."

alone.