I want to tell people a story. A few nights ago a few classmates and I got drunk and one disclosed she was a medium. Fast forward to the end of the night when she said I was surrounded by darkness and only broken people could love me because I'm so broken. She also said that a grandparent was coming through and telling me to get my shit together. 
Seems super silly, especially because I don't have any grandparents I was close to who died. 
The thing is, all my ex's have said they've loved the darkness in me. And a few years back another medium told me I had a grandparent figure telling me to live my life, and also that I was being too harsh on my ex who I had left because he throttled me  
I've lately been going to therapy to recognise certain patterns, but it's honestly made me realise how toxic I have been to people and how I tend to find these situations and people. 
I can't stop thinking about it and now I'm putting it out there trying to find another broken person who knows what it's like to be heartbroken and suicidal but constantly hide it from those around them. 
I'm tired of being the burden on my friends and family. How do I stop.