So for some backstory. I'm 21 and for most of my life I realized I've always been an anxious person. For the most part It was fine, I "dealt" with it and just got used to it over time. Most of this would be health anxiety or social anxiety or just anxiety about general things. It wasn't Until I was 17 and I had my first girlfriend that I entered a depressive state, I just felt depersonalized, unmotivated and excessively anxious about things. It started primarily over the anxiety about whether or not I really liked my partner at the time and just evolved into thinking about spending my life together. I started college and we were long distance, then it became more existential anxiety. At times it even evolved into anxiety about food I really liked or if I knew how to drive a car or if I had ALS. Eventually I broke up and over the next couple months I became somewhat happy again although I don't think I was as happy as before this. This whole episode with anxiety and depression maybe lasted a year to a year and a half with some times being better then others.

Fast forward to now I'm in a new relationship and all these feelings are coming back and I feel like I'm going crazy. I know rationally I shouldn't over analyze or that I should live in the moment but I just cant and its really affecting the relationship, my happiness, my school and just my life in general. Its been 2 months since these feelings started again and a month ago I thought I had started to overcome it but these last 3 weeks have been incredibly hard with some days where I just cry about being normal or that nothing will work. Like rationally I know I really like my girlfriend its just my thoughts don't allow me to be intimate and feel like I'm just not myself. My last episode I never seeked external help or anything and this time I'm currently going to start therapy, CBT later this month and I have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow. I've also started looking after myself more, I've been going to the gym for the last 3 months (since before this episode started), I've quit drinking my daily coffee, making better dietary choices and just eating better and taking vitamins and minerals daily.

Looking back there were also a few times where I think I entered a minor depressive state between these two episodes. These lasted for a few days, maybe a week at tops when I thought I might have MS and thus what would be the point of living or devoting time into school when my life might never be normal with MS. This quickly passed though.

My one big fear however is that nothing will ultimately end up working or if the psychiatrist prescribes me meds, that I'll somehow end up worse then before or wont ever be normal again. My dad came out with a history of depression this summer so I think it might be genetic though I dont know enough about the specifics of his depression to know if its related at all and I really feel scared about coming out to him as depressed/anxious myself. I know this is a long read but has anyone has success with meds in with similar symptoms?