I'm a 20 year old female who was diagnosed formally with borderline personality disorder around a month ago after being told that I had borderline traits for around seven months. I've been talking to this person (21M) for around a month now. We haven't made anything official (we've mainly communicated online), but I know he likes me (and I have definitely developed feelings for him). He's been very open and honest with me from the very beginning, and I recently told him that I had BPD. He took it really well, super understanding about the entire thing and made it clear he was there for me. Today I asked him if I've started to annoy him, and that I was scared that he was hesitant to stop talking to me because he knew I was "sick" now. He assured me that I was overthinking, that he definitely wasn't and that if he needed to continue to reassure me of this, he would. But I went on, telling him I felt like I was a lot to handle and could be causing him problems he wouldn't otherwise have. I also told him I was scared if he met me in person, he wouldn't like me. I have been as authentic with him as I could be, but I can never trust myself enough to not be worried about this. Along with that, I told him I was scared I was somehow catfishing him (although I do not use any sort of filter on anything I've sent him) and that I felt I was a lot uglier than that in person. He hasn't responded, but I know that's because he's at work. I feel terrible and I'm certain I have overwhelmed him. I think a lot of this is coming from an attempt at self-sabotaging; ever since I was diagnosed, I've had this lurking thought that I was not capable of being loved by a new person in my life. That those already in my life only stayed because they felt like they have to. I think I'm trying to push him away before things get serious because I feel he deserves better, and that I don't deserve him at all. I'd appreciate any insight on this problem. I really don't want to feel like I have to guard myself like this forever.