Hey guys. Some of you may know me from the HPPD and DPDR boards. Well, yesterday, my long distance (mutually open relationship) FP revealed someone else significant to her. Regardless of the nature, and regardless of the fact that I know deep down that we need to live our own lives, it sent me on a massive spiral. I never thought there was any possibility I had BPD. Reading into it and how accurately the classification fits so much of what I've gone through in my life fucked me up. All of this shit converged and I ended up going on a massive bender, eventually ending up with some dangerous people. I'm safe now, but I'm terrified of myself. I don't know where to start with any of this

tldr
I'm new here, and I'm scared of this disorder (or whatever qualities of it I present with) and the power it gives my emotions over me