I get too scared to do things that I haven’t been told to do, because I’m worried that I’ll do it wrong and end up looking stupid, or getting into trouble at  college. So I just stand there, and it’s so uncomfortable because I want to help but I don’t know what to do or how to. 

It makes me feel so dumb. I need constant instruction or I panic. Not knowing what to do is the worst. 

Today me and my class were on different sections (chef college), I was on soup section making pea soup. It’s not open to the public yet, just practise. I didn’t have a recipe because I was too nervous to ask, I was worried that the head chef would get annoyed with me for asking for it so late into the session. So I just stood around a lot.

And guess what? I forgot to serve up the fucking soup because the assistant chef put it in the blast chiller, I was waiting for him tell me to do something with it. 

I can’t do this. It’s level 3 (I did level 2 la year). I don’t feel good enough at all. In two weeks I’m going to be serving the public and I don’t feel ready. I’m tempted to drop out, but I might regret it. I was the only one who didn’t serve their dish. I’m just not good enough for this. I hate working in stressful environments.