It was all a lie, a pipe dream that I could be happy, that I could have real friends and boyfriend and enjoy life.
The truth is I always was broken, set to failure, deeply in my soul there always have been void, nothingness that suck everything good out of me and transforms it to sadness.
Now, being traumatized by botched plastic surgery from two and a half years ago I still haven't recovered, I still want to die, feeling hopelessly inadequate, deeply insecure and unable to maintain normal human relationships.
I didn't ask for this life, this piece of shit life. I don't want to fight anymore because this is fight is futile. 
I am just a useless bag of mental illnesses that nobody wants and I don't blame them.

Time to die I guess.