Tw:suicide and self harm mentions

About a month ago my bf tried to od with meds and i had to fight them to get the meds back and then a couple of weeks ago something similar involving self harm happened.
They are receiving professional help and all but i feel like i cannot fully process these events. I just feel numb when i try to think about this. 
I saw them passed out and had to bring them to the ER forcefully, i had to wrestle a pills bottle out of someone's hand, i had to make emergency calls at 4am shaking and crying...
How can i process this? How can i put this behind?