Hard to explain but I feel guilty for taking care of myself, spending money on myself, having fun, relaxing. I come from a family who was extra religious and poor. I always feel like I am doing something “wrong”. My parents are very simple and “God-fearing” people and they constantly remind me about worship and prayer and being a good person and to always think about the afterlife etc. but at times it gets to the point I’m thinking about their reminders at moments when I should be laughing and living. 

Yesterday I was with some friends at a lounge and I just couldn’t laugh and relax. I felt a guilt like I’m some bad person sitting and unwinding and eating. 

I feel like I’m inevitably wrong and doing bad things when I’m just unwinding or having a nice time. I believe I should always be working or cleaning and cooking or doing something productive and if I allow myself the luxuries of life is selfish, wrong, lazy and horrible of me. I know my mom made me feel this way growing up but why can’t I shake these thoughts even in my adulthood, I don’t even live with them I have my own family.