Hey all, I have been estranged from my mother for ten years. We have met once in those ten years and during that time she told me she was diagnosed with BPD and apologized. I was startled. Then she promptly returned to old habits: a lot of yelling, chaotic emotions, a lot of verbal abuse and expressed dissatisfaction with me.

I was too overwhelmed at the time to take it in. I just took responsibility for my own life and felt I had to block her out to find my grounding. Now I’m at a place where I am happy and I very much want to share that with her.

When I reach out to her she says it’s too late and continues on these long email rants of why my life is so awful and a failure. I try not to take it seriously and personally but it’s challenging. 

I do know she has major trust issues and has basically blocked everyone out. However I will say growing up she wasn’t always bad. She trusted me at the time and we have some lovely memories which I cherish.

If I show her my sentimental and loving side at all she thinks I’m weak and really is repulsed. If I ignore her, when I come back she’s as angry as always. If I try to reason with her, there’s no use. I should say we mainly talk by email because she is so intense.

I don’t know much about BPD but everything I read matches to a T. I just can’t believe she wants to just be alone and that’s it. I feel heartbroken about it. I would love that she was in my life. However it feels so hard to bridge this gap between us. I could come to where she lives but I feel I’d just endure an onslaught of yelling and intense judgement from the sounds of her email. If you have any advice, thank you and I wish you all the best.