sorry for my bad english 
hello im 22 years old boy , i have been raised by muslim parents and i always had homosexual orientation and me growing up in morocco i kept getting bullied for being too soft and made fun of all the time , and i never undrestand my feelings , because i always had crushs on men . my father noticed that i talk like a girl when i was 16 and just kept beating me up all the time and waiting for me to make the smallest mistake to abuse me , and my mother didnt even protect me .
i growed up with weak with no personality , easy target for bullies , teachers treated me bad and made me hate highschool and i droped out . at this time i only had deprestion and ustable emotions , i locked my self from the outside world for 2 years and rarely go out .
my father have conections in the military , and he signed me up to the moroccan marin against my well, at some point i thought maybe it good thing because it can fix me and make me stronger . but i was so wrong , turns out my father told the coronel about me and how soft i am , so they kept focusing on me with the training and punishing me for nothing and i had no sleep . for someone like me 1.68 , 48 kg with the weakest body (didnt mention taht i have sunken chest and they accept me because they know my father) it was so hard and was always tired and feeling pain . then i start to faint randomy and kept asking for medic care , and the doctors kepts saying stop going to us everyday u r just faking it , i told my mother about it on phone and how much pain im feeling and she said if u do something like that they ll kick u and u r no longer my son , all i had is super deprestion and the only way out of all this is leaving this world, i kept crying everyday in the bathrooms , i waited one day for everyone to leave for lunch and I looked for a rope and hung it on my closet door , at this moment i had full despair and no hesitation , ijust puted my head inside and hung myself , one of the drill soldiers noticed im missing in seconds because they keep counting us all the time , he went to the room and found me and kept hearing him screaming for others when im losing my consions and puted me down and everyone came and blamed me for doing it and kept saying you ll go to hell if u do it , and the doctors finally toke me seriosly , and told me i cant be in the military because im too weak and suicidal and kicked me out from marin , my father and my mother right now is disappointed on me  . 
i always wish if i was born in deffrent country with deffrent culture , and wish if i had parents and friends that love , and not judge for my sexuality , i just want to experions a hug from somone close i just want to have affiction , i just want to be independent and achieve my dreams , i just want to be loved .
 is this too much to ask for ?