I feel like mania is a part of who I am and suppressing my manic feelings or not acting on my impulses makes me feel depressed or causes me to dissociate. I feel like a “bad” person. I feel that at my core I want to do things that are considered “bad” and it confuses me. I feel innately “evil” to an extent like there is a part of me that has to be soothed with reckless behavior. I’m too tired to resist temptation and I don’t even really believe I want too I just know I have too.