Merry Fucking Christmas to all my BPD people!

I don't know what it is this year, but I have not been in the Christmas mood ONCE this year. (Very strange, because the last 32 years it's been my favorite) I didn't touch my storage bins of Christmas crap. Didn't get a tree, didn't put up lights, didn't even put out my Christmas doormat.

 BAH HUMBUG, GODDAMMIT

This year is sucking in particular because of a family medical emergency. Sunday Grandma (my last living grandparent) had a stroke, and it was bad enough that they sent her to a hospital an hour away. So Mom drove up there (6 hrs away), and Dad and I figured she'd be back by Friday. Then Gma developed a bowel blockage somewhere in her small intestine. Dad called me yesterday morning suggesting I go spend Christmas with Mom and Grandma. Unspoken words: Grandma may be dying. Dammit. Packed random stuff, dropped my dog off with Dad, and got my ass up to Modesto. They've got a tube up Gma's nose, down her throat, and into her stomach and have been suctioning all sorts of crap out of her. CT scan this afternoon says the stitches from her hernia surgery last April loosened/tore and the tissue is pinching off the intestine. Well, because of the stroke she's weak as hell and who knows if she can handle general anesthesia - must less being cut open.

Spending the holidays in a freezing cold ICU was NOT the Christmas I had hoped for. Grandma's out of it most of the time so the lights are out, no talking. Just mom and I fiddling with our computers in silence. All. Damn. Day. Then back to the motel and strange bed. 
No Christmas tree. No presents. No big family gathering. No alcohol. No music. No Christmas dinner (I am NOT acknowledging Dennys' attempted "holiday plate" as Christmas dinner) Hell, I usually watch The Muppet's Christmas Carol every Christmas Eve, and that tradition is out the window (wifi sucks, can't stream shit). Yeah yeah, Jesus is the reason for the season...but I think even Jesus would be depressed.

Facebook makes me want to barf. All these smiling faces, with their families, and Christmas traditions. Bleh. Fuck Christmas.

I know there are other Grinches out there. Shout outs to all of you! Post why your Christmas sucks ass or why you don't give a shit this (or any) year 