I’ve tried so many times to get help and every time I drop out because I tell myself I’m faking it and taking resources from those who actually need it.
Every time I start to get somewhere I just stop because I bully myself out of it. I’ve gone through so many doctors I’ll never see again because I’m too scared to tell them I stopped taking my medicine cold turkey after I finally started feeling better. Or that I couldn’t bring myself to fill out the paperwork to get a therapy referral because I don’t think I deserve it. 
I tried this morning to see if I could go straight to a therapist no referral to skip any paperwork I bully myself out of and I can’t bring myself to contact anyone because I’m scared of wasting their time... 

I’ve been told I don’t want to help myself and I think I believe it. 

Has anyone gone through something similar? Did you ever end up getting help or are you still suffering alone