Hi I'm new here. 
Ugh where do I start. I need advice as to whether or not I need to get on medication.

My childhood was very up and down. In a nutshell, I became the parent. Mum was an alcoholic, would often be raging and breaking things and dad cheated so I sort of ended up raising my brother. My 20s I was very reckless, did a lot of drugs, had a lot of sexual partners and just had no direction. I started getting it together, started a successful marketing career in my 30s  and ended up having 2 kiddies. My relationship with their father ended after 8 years because he had his own mental issues and between the 2 of us it was too much. 

I'm since in a new relationship of 2 years and I feel as though I've never been so in love. But having said I am also in the anxious/ avoidant trap. Me being the anxious one. 
I don't know if its the fact I was with my ex for 8 years dealing with his depression and all the highs and lows, parenting in general or my childhood or the dynamic between my partner and I but I am really anxious these days. I've never been so bad.

Some days im completely fine but other days I will go from 0-100 in 2 seconds. Whether it's the kids making a mess or breaking something or some insensitive thing my partner says. I fly into rage and yell and can't come down from this for a long time. The anxiety stays with me for days sometimes and I can feel myself short of breath and when I'm like that everything seems like the end of the world. Half the time I don't even realise I am in a activated state until it's too late. Sometimes I will begin to hyperventilate when I reach my peak.
This has caused a cycle that my partner and I are stuck in. We keep doing this dance where I get paranoid and anxious because I'm perceiving him pulling away (when often he is just busy) my anxiety rises, I get into an activated state unknowingly, he says something, I snap and go ballistic or I will start listing all the things he does wrong, he feels attacked and gets angry and says something hurtful, I fly into rage, we fight, we nearly break up and then when I calm down I go into full self loathing mode where I feel broken and unlovable. He will apologise and talk things through and we get back on track. Problem is, this draining for both of us. He has expressed his concern recently saying this is happening too frequently and we can't keep going round in circles. He also says he feels he can't bring any issue up with me as I will never take it well and end up dwelling on it for ages so he keeps his mouth shut. I hate this because he is right, I can't take any bit of criticism I will ruminate over it for days/weeks.  But if I suspect he thinks something is an issue and isn't telling me.. it makes me paranoid. We can't win. 

I feel i'm basically sabotaging my relationship.

I would say he is securely attached, leaning towards avoidant (if anyone is interested in attachment theory) and this triggers me a lot. But we love each other so much that we just keep pushing on.

But its not just the relationship it affects, its skewing my thoughts on my career as well. Im supposed to start work again on Monday and I just feel sick in the stomach about it. I can't tell any more if its anxiety or if its how I feel about my job. 

I want to be a better parent, partner and employee and not really sure if I should go on some sort of mood stabiliser or anti depressant.

I've tried yoga ...I sometimes get into a good routine with it but then fall out of it. I've tried meditation but it isn't really for me I don't think.

*i have been seeing a psychologist on and off for the last couple years which has helped a bit but I often stop when I feel ok then won't go back til months later. I've never seen a psychiatrist though.