As you may see in my tag- I do not have bdp. I know my boyfriend does, but he doesn't know. He split on me tonight and I am feeling very hurt/lonely. I just need someone to listen. I feel really hopeless bc Idk what to do. I have strong character. I am very loyal, very empathetic, very caring. He is the only person that has ever accused me of being anything else. All my previous breakups were ...calm, sweet, respectful. I don't burn bridges. I have a backbone- but I know how to hold my tongue. 

That being said I took him rollerskating tonight (we are both grown adults 30+. We did the skate race and he fell. This sent him into a tailspin for the rest of the night that ended up with him splitting first on everyone (Thinking they were laughing at him) and saying 'he's so much more fit than them he could have won-etc. For me, it was like just a silly fun thing we could do together. He then blamed me for "making" him do it. :/ Then he started splitting on me cause he wanted to leave after that and accused me of 'liking him falling' and 'not being there for him'. I skated by bc I didn't even see him. Also, with his pride, if I had stopped he likely would have been upset about that. 

Driving home I realized he was just really embarrassed to have fallen in public. I called him to make sure he was ok and could drive ok. I don't think the fall was that bad to be honest. I skate a lot and I fall a lot. I have a bruised wrist right now- and his fall wasn't bad. On the phone he started splitting really BAD. He said, "I prayed (to God) for confirmation on us and all I got was this accident." I said, hey, falls happen. You know? Then he just ramped up out of nowhere and said I said "OH WOWWWW" when he said he wanted to leave. THIS NEVER HAPPENED&gt; Then when I said that's not what happened. he screamed ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR!? I said I don't recall that happening but I am not fighting with you. I called to thank you for coming and say before all that it was nice to skate and hold your hand. Then he said, "IDK if you have discord with all the other guys you've dated. Either you are who you say you are or you do. I've never had this kind of discord in relationships." First of all, that is a lie. He has a SLEW of divorces and bad relationships. I don't. Second of all, that stuff hurts me. I have strong character. I said hey, this is really hurting me. I need to get off this call. 

30m later he called. I was on the phone with a friend consoling me- cause he never can. He texted and sent and audio message apologizing, but it's not ..a deep apology. He's broken up with me multiple times and comes back- but he's mean ya'll. I mean he can be manipulative, cut me down, accusing. Downright emotionally abusive. I spoke briefly on the phone and he was all fixated on his knee. Said he was 'sorry' and 'maybe' we could talk tomorrow. Then I am always left with this ball of pain I didn't create. It's really LONELY. And hurtful. I'm not a punching bag :( Then bc I am empathetic and understand his situation, I hurt for him too- bc the reality is when I'm away and he has no one to blame he's not happy. he's MISERABLE. And it's sad. :/