It just now hit me just how ""abnormal"" my perspective on the world is. I was talking to a friend who doesn't have BPD about the way I see my relationships with people. I told him I always fear my friends secretly don't like me and want me to leave them alone all the time, and it's an awful feeling, so I go to great lengths to show my friends I care about them a lot by buying expensive gifts, sending random texts telling them I love them, doing favors without being asked, etc. He told me that my intentions are nice and everything, but I'm being really intense and that might be why I have trouble actually keeping friends.

I've known I have BPD for awhile now and I thought I was completely aware of when I was going too far. I thought I had control over myself. The only "obsessive" relationship I thought I had in my life right now was with my partner, and I allow  myself to be intense with him because he understands who I am and I know he loves me back, so it's safe and okay. Only now am I realizing that I'm pretty obsessive over everyone I care about... It just comes so naturally to me, I thought everyone was like this with their friends.

But the reality is, most people don't have BPD. Most people don't have such a small social circle, or have such a hard time communicating with other people, most people don't experience a lot of things I do everyday. Some things really aren't THAT big of a deal. Your friends like you, and they think it's already obvious that they like you, so they don't feel the need to announce it all the time. If they didn't like you, they wouldn't be your friend. End of story. It's common knowledge to some people, they don't need reassurance all the time. That's a crazy concept to me, but it's true, and I don't know why I didn't realize that sooner. Isn't that crazy?