I’ve considered myself as in recovery since I finished all my programs around mid last year. I went to IOP again this year of my own accord, I haven’t been in bed all day as much, I’ve gone out more, I’ve been in a healthy relationship I’m really happy in since March, I haven’t cut in months and I’ve gotten sober from weed multiple times for months at a time (hard bc I use it when I’m having an episode to control urges and handle emotions), I haven’t engaged in toxic  sexual/risky behaviors in almost a year. I know I definitely made progress. 

On the other hand, my grades never recovered from covid and I failed to graduate. I drifted apart from many friends and both of my high school best friends have ditched me. It’s a week into summer and I have pretty much no school friends left, the one friend that hits me up sometimes I have no energy to hang out with. I have to do an online summer school program to have a last chance at earning my diploma that’s way too overwhelming for me and will eat up my free time. I got a job 2 weeks ago to have something to do and be motivated about during the summer and I despise it. My coworkers treat me like shit and unfairly and I get criticized no matter what I do. I’m so drained already and want to quit but the idea of confrontation is too stressful. I’ve been working almost daily til 11-midnight or so in a job I hate and I have no energy nor can I feel much happiness or anything at all. I’m gaining weight rapidly and falling back into old habits. I’m losing my desire for sex. I’m so scared to spiral back into my old  self and lose my boyfriend like I’ve lost past relationships. I’m so numb. Where did all my progress go..