Been having a really rough go of it lately, skating on the edge. Wrote on the wall the other day. That was a new one for me. It was the same paranoid shit as always, but I hadn't written on walls before. The sub for people with my particular illness has been nothing but a flood of "selfies" for days, and I have no one to talk to. No solid ground to stand on. My husband is going to throw me out. He says he won't, and he's been very sweet, but I don't trust it. Can't afford treatment, and the nearest doctor that treats Sz is hours away, only available on days when my husband works. So even if we were rich, help is out of reach. I used to be able to talk to "my people" and keep a handle on things. They're all gone now, because schizophrenia has become trendy. Now it's just pretty little girls and boys who are moon touched or whatever bullshit. Where have all my people gone? Did they fall off, too? I try so hard to be reasonable. To be logical. To read my books and force my brain to stay in focus. Tethered. Untethered. Life was so much easier when I lived in the mental hospitals, but I don't want to go back. I'd miss my husband and my cats. 

Where do people go to talk about keeping our shit together, so we don't end up writing all over the walls? I can't talk to people, but I can write nonstop sometimes. I don't want to do that to walls again.