This might also be ranting... I'm in a relapse rn. I have a huge group of friends. (Many of them know my diagnosis and issues and how I can get when I have an episode or breakdown. ) 

I looked at my list of contacts just now to reach out and get myself out of my own head but i can't message anyone and waste their time or I'm scared they will think less of me for having a relapse (I know some of it might be toxic masculinity (M24)) I don't want my mental illness to ruin my friendships again...