He was and still is the love of my life. Throughout our whole relationship i was terrified of losing him, i had episodes every single day and my bpd was ruining my life. I didnt leave him because i would rather suffer than lose him because i thought i couldnt live without him. He left me a week ago and the first three days were hell, i have never felt that kind of pain ever in my life and i thought it didnt matter if i killed myself because i was already in hell. By the fourth day i accepted it was over and i was thankful for the good times we had. I feel no rage or hate towards him like i did when we were together (splitting) and i feel free. This is a new feeling because i usually want to get revenge on those who hurt me. I feel like i dont have bpd anymore and i felt happiness for the first time after having anhedonia for 6 months. I do feel sad when i think about how happy he made me and how i will miss that but i havent cried in three days. And i used to cry every single day no exceptions.

I know there are so many people in this subreddit that are in the situation i was in. Trust me on this one if your relationship causes more worry than happiness, leave. It will be okay and i know im not the only one with this experience. 

My dms are open if you guys need support to leave your relationship &lt;3