I’ve been with him for 6 years and it feels like he still doesn’t understand what sets me off and he doesn’t understand why I react a certain way to things. 

Last night we were doing a couples questionnaire when he said something I had never heard before but it involved his ex which was very traumatic for me when he was dating her. He was already hesitant to bring it up but my mind was set on knowing exactly what it was that I didn’t know about, probably just for self torture. 

Once I found out I spiraled and attacked him and immediately it felt like I was living in the past again and needed to somehow return to reality. 
But he didn’t understand that. He thought I was just trying to shame him for his past but really I was dealing with the trauma and pain from those times. 

How can I get him to understand why I react the way I do? Sometimes it’s hard for me to put into words for him and I end up staying silent. I’m so tired of being misunderstood. And no I’m not defending the way I react in any way but I just want to be understood