13 happy days since we got together and my boyfriend aka former best-friend and FP asked me to become his wife. I'm totally not ready for this shit!
He surprised me today with a wonderful dinner, a bottle of wine, a romantic movie, massaging my feet and just some tender cuddling on the couch. Then all of a sudden he asked me the most important question of all time and by this ruined it all. I immediately panicked, tears were flooding down my face and I ran away. Now I'm sitting in the shower, the bathroom door is locked from the inside and I yelled at him to let me alone for some time. 
I know he won't go away. He is standing out there in the living room and tells me right now how much he loves me and so on. He has already apologised for asking me to marry him as he knows it could stress me. But he insists on being serious about it.
Fuck, I'm not ready! I don't wanna lose him, but I've never been with somebody for more than 5 month. I'm afraid I won't be enough for him, I will disappoint him, I will hurt him. FkFkFk!!!
Sorry, I just wanted to write this down and am not searching for advice.
I guess some of you might be able to relate. BPD is hell.

Maybe I can talk to him tomorrow and we will work it out somehow. He is such a gentle and understanding person...  I love him.