

Today I was in a deep conversation with my mom about my past. I really wanted to know if anything else happened to me when I was young. Because deep down inside I knew when I was kidnapped at 3 years old it was not the only thing that happened to me. Turns out the man who kidnapped me for a few hours did in fact molest me. I don’t have any memory about it. All I remember was sitting in his bed in my underwear or diaper and sitting next to his huge dog. Pretty sure that’s what convinced me to go to his house was his dog. Apparently it even hit the news in town. This was back in 2000. The man only got a year in jail and 5 years of probation apparently not found guilty is what my mom said. I already knew he was only in jail for a year. But I thought that was because of my kidnapping. When I find out today he did molest me. That shit fucked me up why the fuck did he only get a year and 5 years of probation? He also had proof and tapes of him molesting kids. My mom told me they gave him such a easy consequence because he had schizophrenia. It still made me feel like shit knowing he didn’t get a longer sentences. I heard people raped him while he doing his time in jail though for what he did. Honestly glad that happened. That price of shit ruined my innocences. Hearing this part of my life today explains why I’m so fucked up in the head though. Probably why I have bpd. On top of that I was already fucked up because I already knew and have memories of my cousins molesting me too and bullying me. I honestly wished none of this shit happened to me. I would had probably turned out normal and be able to date without feeling like every men is untrustworthy. I also feel like the reason why I have trouble losing weight is because of being molested. I really need therapy or something.