so i haven't been officially diagnosed with bpd, but in my psych ward acceptance letter it was written as my diagnosis. it was later changed with unspecified personality disorder. i do suspect i have bpd though, for a variety of reasons.

one thing i've noticed about myself in relationships is that, once one thing goes wrong, i deem the relationship "ruined". like, today i slipped and pronounced something wrong with the girl i am dating, and suddenly everything is ruined and i think we can never go back to normal. it makes me even more paranoid about other stuff and ruins my whole day. it's like the first date was the only day where things were ok, now everything is not. i wish i could go cancel everything and go back in time, maybe things would be better. but it was just a slip.

this feeling just makes me feel stuck and desperate. is there anything i can do to not feel like this?