I have friends and their all great but lately i think ive been trying to push them away and it just makes me feel awful. It started friday when my friend told me it was good i was letting go of my crush because otherwise i would manipulate and hurt him more than i could ever be hurt. And that just felt so awful. I cried in the bathroom atleast 5 times that night all because i hated letting him go but i knew he would never want me. I have a list of reasons he probably does want me but rn it just feels like hes being distant with me. 

Ive always had a hard time communicating because everyday i get intense emotions and having so many and constantly telling people about them makes me feel like im using them. I always feel so guilty.

This week has been horribly affected by what she said and its causing me to develop an eating disorder and more anxiety than before. I keep thinking i could just ask out another guy i know would be interested in me but even thinking of being with someone other than him just feels awful. And i feel even worse about using someone like that. I like them and if i wasnt so attached to this guy i would take a chance but i cant. We are usually together through the day. He walks to my classes and even waits outside my class for me. He gets me energy drinks and such sometimes too.

Hes not emotionally open and he gets emotionally exhausted easily, we used to text and talk alot but now i feel like he doesnt want me around as much and idk how to communicate any of it. I just feel guilty. Ive been trying to write in my journal about all of it but its always constant negative thoughts.

And im having issues with his step brother who makes me so uncomfortable, and now the school knows about it and i just hate it. I hate talking to him and even seeing him. He makes me feel unsafe sometimes.

Im so frustrated and stuck. What am i supposed to do?