bro I'm kind of tweaking I've for sure dealt with this before but I fear this time it's exacerbated by drug use lol

I'm drunk as hell rn and currently feeling peaceful but I was NOT earlier

I'm not kidding... I legitimately was about to bolt right downstairs and start yelling at my parents and shit. LIke I remember getting into a thought loop where I **felt** like I was a demon sent down to punish my parents for being abusive. Crazy shit but I was so wildly angry at the time that it made perfectly rational sense. I wasn't gonna hurt them or anything I had the intention of getting kicked out and honestly I really really just wanted to piss them off, I was just gonna like yell at them and say unhinged ass shit though I'm not really built for violence unless it's in self defense or defense of others, even when I'm wildly angry like that I'm more likely to hurt myself. Unless my dad started the fight or touched me I'd probably deck him at that point. But again literally self defense just very fun self defense.

I've almost.. Sobered up more? It's hard to explain I'm drunk and still "manic" like as you can see I'm still pissed I'm just sleepy and like I can almost peer into my head and see the rational part. And the rational part says "don't fuckin go downstairs stay in ur room" and y'know what I think I'm gonna do that man

anyway idk if you have any thoughts go for it, any tips or something. I've dealt with mania when I was 14 and while it's definitely exacerbated by the drugs (pretty sure the ima fuckin demon shit was related to my hallucinogen use lol) this is all stuff I've felt before. Feels natural and "deserved" honestly. Anyway I wasn't responsible when I was 14, and **won't** be responsible now but idk I might be a little more... negotiable now. Idk I'm drunk so right now it's totally different, it's like I'm both manic and non manic. When I sober up I'm sure ima get a hangover and get really pissed about it. Solution: probably 2 keep drinking man I mean honestly... haven't felt this good in years. 

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also side note idk how to label this because I can say for certain ***right now*** I am not engaging in unsafe behavior. I will not do anything unsafe, I am at least mostly thinking rationally right now it's just that when I sober up I might not. But I didn't wanna label it "drug use" cuz like it's about both alc and mania which is not drugs it is fucky brain. but i didn't wanna put trigger warning even though it might bother some people i don't think its anythin like that. But it's not like a manic rant except it is idk I assume this is right ima go watch some anime ily