I'm seventeen and halfway through my senior year. All my life I've pushed the idea of getting as far away as I possibly can from home, yet now that it is time for me to do it, I feel like it'll end in me getting seriously hurt. Especially at times that I feel particularly high and motivated, I'll convince myself that I don't need any help. When I look back on everything that has happened in my life so far, I'm now realizing that those thoughts are untrue. I've just recently been diagnosed with bipolar II and have had PTSD for years. I feel as if I am constantly battling this other version of myself that needs to go to the extremes. If I am sad, I'm suicidal, and if I'm happy I'm destructive. I'm noticing this constant pattern of me running away and doing something that I think will be good for me but always ends in me hurting other people or myself. The issue is that I truly believe my typical self will succeed in living on my own. I'll be able to stay connected with my friends, keep organized, and put my health as a priority. But there's this other side of me that can easily mess that all up. There are days when the only reason I eat any food is because someone is forcing it in my face, and I only shower and get out of bed because I'm afraid of being judged by my parents. I know I will end up killing myself, whether it's intentional or not, if I have no one to check up on me. These thoughts lead to even more negative thinking because it throws my dreams of studying in a different country and living on my own down the drain. I'm on medication and it seems to be helping, but it feels like nothing will ever fully fix my problems. I know there are many adults that deal with these same issues and continue to live their lives on their own. How can I make that possible? 

\*I spent my junior year at a residential facility, so I am significantly behind in school. I've managed to get on the path to graduate with everyone else on time, but I still feel discouraged.