I'm trying to figure out whether I can change this or whether it's hardwired into my brain to only feel connected to people I'm having sex with (or at least have sexual tension with). When there's no sexual tension, I feel bored interacting with people most of the time, and I also feel as if there's an invisible wall between us. It feels impossible for me to have emotionally sustaining relationships without sex.

I'm not addicted to sex itself, but I'm addicted to the way my partners look at me. Making someone want me more and more, and then finally giving myself to them is like heroin. I pick up on micro-expressions and adapt myself to try to give them as much pleasure as possible, and when I can see that pleasure written over their face, it's the highest possible high. And then it ends, and I'm completely alone again. I usually split on them afterward and feel ambivalent about seeing them again, so I find it almost impossible to have long-lasting relationships.

I'm wondering whether other pwBPD have a similar experience of only feeling connected to the people you're having sex with, and whether anyone has been able to change this.