I'm on a cruise. I'm typing this late at night, looking out at the ocean by myself. I just got back from a club, where once again, I had no human communication.

I'm short, no girl I've met likes short guys. I look like a high schooler, most people look at me and laugh. Bartenders have been doing this to me the whole trip so far. It really makes me feel like I've already lost my chances at a memorable youth.

Because of how I look, nobody wants to talk to me. I really hate myself. I changed my entire style, everything to be a new me. Nothing.

It's almost been 3 years since someone's genuinely given me their time to interact. Everything in life just looks so fake, totally colorless. I always hear "It will get better!", I'm sick of hearing that, because it's absolutely not true. The only way to make things better, is to change it yourself and move forward. You have to chase what you want, you need to grasp that better future yourself. Someone like me, is completely incapable of that. I've tried for years, I'm done. I'm not fighting this stupid battle of life I didn't ask for all alone anymore. I'm this close to ending my pathetic life, and letting my memory fade out of existence.

My entire family has fallen apart, I'm the only one of my family on this cruise. I look around, and just see people happy. I don't know why I can't be happy too. I walk in this sea of people, all alone. If I wasn't there, nothing would change. So what's the point of living, if those who cared for me once are all gone. Nobody is left.

Life has given me a cruel slip of hand the past few years of my life, I'm totally empty. I'll never be full again and I understand that. I could so easily jump off this boat right now, but I don't have the guts to do that. It seems I can't do anything right.

I just wish someone could actually walk up to me, and acknowledge my existence. Why can't the laws of this stupid universe allow that to happen? 

Perhaps it would honestly be better, if I let myself go sooner than later. That way, everyone can continue living their lives, and nobody has to get stuck with me.