i tried to post this in the DBT self help subreddit but it got deleted and i have no idea why because i followed the rules. anyways i’m having a hard time right now figuring out if i did the right thing, i’m in the hospital right now, got some tests done and i’m coming home tonight. I asked, literally begged my mom &amp; sister to not go to my apartment to clean. i said it was messy but not a health risk (no food or mould) and it was just extremely embarrassing to me because i get triggered when peoole see the ugly sides of my mental illness. i was in a very deporessive state before the hospital and left things very very messy. i specifically asked both my mom and sister multiple times not to go to my apartment to “help”, i said if you think you are helping me, i appreciate it deeply and i understand it’s coming from a place of love but i still have created a boundary and wish to not have anyone in my apartment while i’m not there. i’m not hiding anything but i get triggered into panic attacks if someone sees my messy apartment. i’ve tried to recently utilize skills to prioritize my morals values and boundaries because this is a main skill i was working in in DBT therapy but it blew up in my face. my mom and sister are so mad at me for being mad at them, and insisting i can’t be mad because their intentions were to help. I said that i acknowledged their intentions and appreciated it but it still doesn’t take away the fact that they crossed a huge boundary. my mom is saying i’m manipulating the situation and being unreasonable but i’ve been working on the skill of speaking up for myself and my boundaries but i’m absolutely devastated and right back to square one now that i’ve tried to exercise that skill and i’m once again made to look ungrateful for something i didn’t ask for and specifically asked not to happen. there wouldn’t have been any consequences to the messy apartment, just that once i’m out of the hospital i have to go clean it, which i’m more than happy to do because i find it therapeutic to clean my messes. i feel like i’ve lost all drive to stick up for myself now because i grew up with this type of emotional bulldozing and it’s very triggering. i’m not sure if i should apologize or remain firm in my boundaries.