I've been dealing with seasonal depression on top of my regular depression, I can't afford meds so I have to live with this, as it is, and it's not great, especially because I pushed away the only friend I had that had the patience to deal with me, all my other friends are tired of me "being so sad all the time", after weeks of people online / that I know ignoring me even though they knew I was at a low point, I had the cops come to my door asking me if I was okay which just made me feel like I had done something wrong, instead of that "someone cares about me" because honestly, I've been ignored for weeks by everyone who claims to care, how is this different? 

I can either not sleep at all or I can't stop sleeping, there's no in-between, I'm starving all the time and don't have money for food, and I'm going to get evicted, lose my cat all my stuff, and be living on the streets, a month out from christmas. 

But I'm supposed to "chin up", I'm supposed to be happy, I'm not supposed to feel like shit even though this is what's going on...  I just feel like I did something wrong by being sad.