Maybe it started after my first born, maybe my second. Maybe it even happened when I got with my fiance. But now, I'm not that self sufficient, wild person I used to be before. No more going out. No more of following my passions. No more trying to better myself. 

I'm now just a mom... Just a girlfriend.

I may not know the person in the mirror staring back at me, but I fucking hate her. She doesn't have the body I had. She doesn't keep up with her self care. She always looks tired. There is normally always a child on her hip. You can see in her eyes that there is way to many things going on in her head at once.. Maybe that's why she struggles so much to get through the days. There is something always seeming to eat away at her..

Some people say to love yourself first, before everyone and anything else. They say that when you love yourself, it makes it easier to love those around you.. makes it easier for others to love you. I just can't find the way to love myself again..

I just kinda don't know where to go from here. But, one day at a time.. one minute.. one second.. I will continue to move through it all.