I fall into the quiet BPD category. 

That is.. unless I’ve been drinking. Correction, unless I am blacked out drunk. 

When I’m sober I’ve gotten quite good at being self-aware. I’ve started to develop some positive coping mechanisms, and try to be very mindful of my interactions with people.

I’m no where near recovered, but when I’m sober I’m definitely getting there slowly.

The really big issue is the drinking. 

Last-night was my absolute rock bottom. I was cruel to the person I love most in this world in a way that he shouldn’t forgive me for.

By some grace of a higher power he didn’t end things, he is willing to stay with me on the condition that I stop.

He is so incredibly angry and hurt by me right now, but still somehow thinks we are worth staying for - So I must have done something right in all this.

That’s some intense love right there, IMO. Even though it feels like he hates me right now.

I would never do or say anything to hurt him in my right mind. He is the person I waited my whole life to meet (for the second time. Our story is a real meet-cute lol)

I’ve had this argument with myself so many times before, and it always seemed impossible to just stop COMPLETELY. 

But this time feels different. I am actually afraid to drink again. This time it’s my last chance, or I’ll lose him for good.

It’s time for me to choose myself and him over self-destructive behaviours.

We both deserve better. We both deserve my best self.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk lol