I finally have the courage to venture over to this subreddit after spending years in the bipolar 2 one. I've debated for the last year now if I might be misdiagnosed. I've had the diagnosis of bipolar 2 since early adolescence and it was never really challenged. My lows were always such a bottomless pit and hypomania was never too unbalanced and looked like normal functioning.

What has always bothered me though is the rapid mood swings that have caused me and my husband whiplash. I can go up and down in the same day from normal to depression, both equally intense. Sometimes the depression lasts days and then I am fine, like a switch. Rapid cycling bipolar 2 or not, there is no slow up and down. It's violent in its switching. 

I have and have had a history of NSSI as a form of coping since I was 14. Big negative emotions were always and still are sometimes too much, so intense, that self harm feels like the only way to endure them. And a part of me knows that my behavior is maladaptive and disproportionate to every situation that spins out of control. I hate myself, the disgust is real, and I have to find a way to escape.

I'm 32 now and have urges still to self harm, but have had a better success rate from refraining. But instead there comes anger to my partner and the crashing down as if everything is ruined and wrong and I don't deserve to exist. That he should leave, I'll always be this way.

I definitely spend time in a projection state when I am triggered and struggle with black and white thinking. Either he is the best person I've ever met (he is pretty amazing, idealizing or not) or the most manipulative and out to hurt me person ever. This behavior is insane and destructive. We've spent a lot of time as a couple working through this.

I have on a basic idea of self identity. A collection of characteristics that make me over the years. But they are mostly events that have happened to me. All previous relationships to this one were unstable and dysfunctional. I spent seven years married prior to an emotional and physically abusive husband. But I also provoked and had my own responsibility in that relationship too. 

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. No one can diagnose me but my psych. I'm not looking for that. I'm debating on finding the courage to speak to my psych about misdiagnosis. But, I ask, can BPD co exist with major depressive disorder? Is this reasonable to be misdiagnosed this way? 

I'm confused and struggling. I wanted opinions, not validations. Or maybe other personal experiences of being called bipolar 2 for a long while and then have the diagnosis corrected for BPD. 

Thank you.