I feel like a monster right now. 

My FP sent me a long list of all the ways I hurt her. And she told me that I truly hate her.

That does not how I truly feel. 

I don't think I can ever change the way she looks at me. 

So maybe I just need to let it go and move on even though I don't want to.

But I don't know how to forgive myself.

I feel like I'm going to die with all the guilt inside me.