So it didnt get better but worst I eventually cut my self and have fear of public places like buses or school I have mental breakdowns there and Panik attacks maybe somehow someone can relate. I have found a loving and caring gf but it doesn't really held. But there are two people in my life who really help and manage to get me happy I hope I never lose em. I tried to kill myself bout 3 weeks ago didn't work I don't know if I should be glad or sad about it. The thing is if I die somehow at least 2 other people will die as well and theta what's keeping me alive. I know I am not alone but still lonely I mean I don't know if I can call them friends if they do lotta shit without me but I guess I gotta live with it. I even called a psychologist but they do not have any time soon guess I have to keep living with it.

M