Hiii this is my first post here, sorry if it is a bit long :/ So I have BPD for years now and I made great progress, therapy really helped I didn't have any splits and bigger down moments for almost 2 years. Move to another country, have a job that I really like, meet great people and felt free to let them close without bpd attachment. So like happy times. I mean I had down moments but I know how to cope with them and I had really good time stopping them understanding where they are coming from... till recently. Like a month ago I met this guy he also have BPD, and he is like me quiet type, he is great so nice and kind and I really really like him. He said that he like me too, we do not see each other so often but he is just diagnosed like a 6 months ago so he is still learning, he is still a bit random and impulsive, that I found sometimes so triggering. Also he doesn't know I have BPD I just couldn't tell him, tried and  that didn't happened. I have this feeling that I'm going into old patterns and I'm so afraid of that. We supposed to meet today and he cancelled, so I'm panicking a bit. I think I'm making him my FP and I really really do not want that. And I have this urge to push him away because I'm not sure what is happening and am I attracted to him just because I feel like he can understand me or I really like him. It is so hard for me to read him, and myself right now, so I'm just overthinking everything.