I feel like I can always ground myself in reason and rationality, but that doesn't mitigate the effects of overthinking everything and depressive thoughts. My concerns seem well founded and honestly my greatest hope is that I am diagnosed with some sort of mental illness because that would mean I can write off the negative thoughts to that and not reality itself. 

I generally know what I have to do to live a good life and be a good person I just don't see the point. Self sabotage ensues.

Edit. I'm paranoid that I act "crazy" just to convince myself that I am because I can be "normal" whenever I really need to be. Does this sound like any diagnosable thing? 