I'm trying my hardest to be pro-active about getting help. I started seeing a therapist and my ex was kind enough to purchase a couple books for me (Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder &amp; The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook). He's pretty adamant about us separating. 

I expressed that I didn't want to live anymore and that I didn't WANT help so he went NC on me for about 2 weeks. He has been staying at his mom's house for going on 3 weeks.

It seriously destroyed me. I spent the majority of the time crying, trying not to cry at work, eating tubs of ice cream and purging, etc. etc.

Anyway he breaks NC to text me that he purchased the books online and I should be receiving them in the mail and that he even purchased one for himself about living with people with BPD. I lashed out (because I was mad  that he chose to get the book at a time where he's decided not to be with me and doesn't plan to in the future after the lease is over) and then sincerely apologized for how I handled it.. like 2 days later.

Okay, so...

Last night he texts me an article titled, "Can you have a healthy relationship with someone with PTSD?" (the therapist diagnosed me with PTSD with features of BPD)

The gist of the article was that yes, you could have a healthy relationship with someone with PTSD but the TIME AND EFFORT has to be put in. But what does he send me with the link?

"Haha this guy looks funny in the infographic." (referring to a weirdly drawn image included in the article)

Honestly, my heart soared when I got the link. I honestly thought he was sneak telling me, "I want to try to make this work." 

but nope, since this whole incident he's basically gone back to being curt on his replies. 

This time I didn't lash out or overreact. I just said something like, "Haha yeah, he does look funny."

I feel as if I'm overreacting but I feel like I'm getting weird mixed messages and it's messing with me. I know it's wrong but I almost want to tell him, "Please don't send me stuff like that again. My brain is going to assume we still have a chance of working it out and it's toying with me."

BUT NOPE. Not writing it. Not saying it. I just wish I didn't THINK it because I know I'm being batshit crazy.