Though I am suicidal and depressed, I consider myself a happy person. I am always trying to make light of bad situations and looking past issues if it means I can be happy and everyone else can be happy, even if it’s just for that moment. But this isn’t sustainable long term. And though it should’ve been a lot more obvious, I only just realized it is because I don’t see myself living long. I try to make every moment I have beautiful and happy because I see every moment as what could be my last. Its nice though, I’m basically always happy, I’m at a time where I can basically completely ignore everything that I’m struggling with if it means I can have a good laugh. Dealing with how I feel is the best choice for long term happiness, but I don’t see myself living long enough for that. I’d rather quit while I’m ahead and happy, even if it’s “temporary” forms of happiness. I live by YOLO hahahah. I really thought it was because I value happiness to such a high degree but now I’m thinking that depression really has more control over my thought process than I thought it did. What are your thoughts?