I was unmedicated for roughly 5 months and became the absolute worst version of myself. I was psychotic for 2 of those months. My partner was heavily using drugs and I would come home to him overdosing or destroying everything in our apartment in a fit of psychosis, I came home to his friend overdosed on my couch, I sabotaged my own sobriety because I couldn’t deal with anything going on around me. I, myself, overdosed in front of my boyfriend and he had to give me cpr. I did to him what has caused me so much pain from experiencing myself. I got him arrested, got him admitted to hospitals, blew up his phone if he didn’t answer in 10 minutes, took the knobs off our doors, wouldn’t let him be in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes without barging in. In my head I was just trying to keep him alive but I became someone I don’t even recognize. I’ve been medicated for about a month now and he’s been sober for just as long but now after coming down from all of that, I am so so embarrassed by my behavior. I have panic attacks every single day. I am so scared of going back to that place. How do you deal with the guilt? How do you deal with the fear?