 its been like 2 years since i last  stepped out of this house.its been like 8 years since i had anything.felt anything.i dont remember much from my childhood only crying. crying after getting beaten by my mom or dad for not studying or something like that.they moved into to the city so "i can go to a better school and make myself a better and happy future" i dont know who lives next door even tho the house next to me is like 0.5 meters close(its a really populated area).ive been trapped inside this house without having anyone in my life for 8 years. no one to talk. when i do talk with someone that is in a  tuition class or a school.but then the teachers tell my parents.then they scold at me saying i should focus or I wont be able to have a "good life" in future. ive been crying in my bed for the past 5 or more years fantasizing about how one day ill sleep in someones arms. being in love.in my entire life ive never talked to a girl. cause this shitty as retarded culutrethey say its unfitting to  even talk with a girl before ur like 20. .trapped inside this dog cage like cement house ive lost taste in everything. food, games, music  .i cant feel anything.best days i had so far is when im sad so i can cry.in the darkness and feel good because i cant express my felling unlike this.now i cant even cry. its stuck in my head. im loosing it. .day by  day i feel  the madness in my head grows. icant deal with this anymore. im going to kill myself but  i  want bring everyone whos responsible down with me. but a whole country and all the retarded people are responsible. its too much. i cant wait that longer. but feel like i should kill my mother an father.even thinking about that  make me feel relived. pushing knife through thier heart . seeing the blood. thats what the deserve . im going rip thier hearts out of thier body for the life theyve taken from me.