It feels like a stupid cycle that happens every few months. I make friends, it starts out too fast and I don't feel connected to them like I want to be. They stop giving me as much attention as they used to because I'm not a new thing to them anymore, I start thinking that I hear them in my head saying things behind my back and then I get angry and sad and start saying things to get their attention again but in a bad way and then they leave me and then I start cutting myself with weird things like bottle caps and thin wires.