As someone who got over depression on seperate ocassions, I can tell you right now: you don't truly want to die, you just gave into your mind. Even now, Im going through an anxiety disorder and the amount of games your mind can play with you is astounding, and it can get overwhelming. Medicine, getting outside, talking to someone, even doing something small is a better alternative to trying to off yourself first. I felt like I wanted to die a couple times, but after getting out of it, I did not want anything like that again.