I (20M) have been severely depressed among having a few other mental illnesses for a pretty long while now. I’ve been on numerous antidepressants and other drugs but I always seem to end up right back here, feeling empty and not wanting to live anymore. Because what’s the point if I always end up feeling like shit for months on end. I have been going to all kinds of therapies and counselling for about 8 years now but nothing seems to work. I started this new antidepressant about 6 months ago and it helped for a little while but now I can’t feel the effects anymore and I just lie in bed or sleep all day everyday. I’m broke and I owe a lot of money to my close ones because I haven’t been able to pay my bills or buy food on my own and that just makes me feel even more like absolute garbage. I want to just stop bothering all of them with my bullshit and constantly having to depend on them. I feel like I’ve failed in every aspect of my life, I had to drop out of school, I tried having a job but couldn’t do that either, I’m physically incredibly unhealthy and I don’t contribute to the society in any way. So what’s the point in even staying alive when all i do is stay in bed in my dark room and be miserable. I’m absolutely and utterly miserable. The only thing that makes me feel alive is drinking or abusing substances. I have become everything I was horrified of becoming as a kid. Is this it? If this is all that life has to offer then I don’t want it anymore. The only thing making me still hang on to life is my cat and the fear of what would happen to her if I went away.