(I’m sorry for the long post, I’m not good at being concise)
Hello, I thought this subreddit would be a good place to ask for advice.. I’m finding relationships with friends extremely difficult.

I’m 26, was diagnosed with Unspecified PD with Borderline, Schizoid, Dependent and Avoidant Traits in 2016.  Last year I got reassessed and I got put in remission for everything (yay) apart from BPD, which I expected since its symptoms were the most previlent.  So I thought that things were going well for me.  I have a good relationship with my family, and I also have a partner of just over 3 years.  My family and partner have accepted my disorder, and they have tried to learn about my behaviours and thoughts, and react in ways they feel help.  It’s good for the most part.

My friends however, have not done this.  Especially my longest friend of 13 years.  I don’t think they are healthy relationships.  Because a lot of them met me before the BPD worsened, or developed (I’m not sure which it is), they behave now, as they did when I was healthy.  The problem is though is that I can’t handle that behaviour from them.  I have an extremely anxious personality, maybe the other PD traits have worsened again, I don’t know, but whenever I think of my friends, or am with them, I feel a lot of pressure.  I’m also always physically unwell the next day after meeting them.  I’m assuming they’re linked.
They also do things that, maybe are normal for friendships, but I’m too emotional for.  Interrupting me constantly because they know I will back down and stay quiet, put me down for jokes, when it really hurts my feelings inside.  They do so many things that, because I have never said “actually, you know that’s not acceptable”, they think it’s okay and keep doing it.

An example of something unacceptable is that I now have my own place, and my long-term friend expected her own key.  Now I didn’t want her to have a key, and it is illegal for her to have one anyway, as I am renting.  However, when she asked for my key to make a copy (or more so, told me to give her the key), I was physically unable to say “no, sorry, it’s illegal” or “no, sorry, I don’t actually want you to have a key”.  I just gave her it.  And now I’m double locking my door constantly.
I’m also a vegan, and, although I’m okay with people bringing cakes, or chocolate or whatever, into my house to eat, I told everyone I really wasn’t comfortable with meat being in my house, because the smell makes me sick (I haven’t eat meat since I was a kid).  My friend immediately ignored that and constantly comes round and brings food with meat.  If she wants to eat it around me so badly I wish we could just go out to eat.  But I just can’t open my mouth to tell her it’s not okay.

This happens with most things.  I set up rules, boundaries, things that I need, and my friends just walk all over them, and do not respect them- I’m assuming because I’ve never held them accountable, so they don’t see it as a problem.  I should be clear I don’t think my friends are purposely hurting me, and I know their behaviour is my fault.
I feel like I cannot tell them, because I don’t want to hurt their feelings, or have them think I want to hurt them.  And conflict like this is so terrifying to me, I’m too scared to do anything for fear conflict will happen.
I’ve asked for advice from my partner and family, and they all tell me (and I know it’s the right thing) to open up and tell my friends.  But even thinking of it now is making my panic.  My mother at least understands that there are some things I just cannot say, I open my mouth ready to say it and then my voice goes and I freeze.

Something else I think I should add.. and I don’t want it to sound bad but there is no other way to put it, is that I honestly don’t care about having friends.  I don’t want my friends hurt, and if they need my help then I will drop everything to help them.  But.. if they vanished suddenly, or moved away and I never saw them again.. I would feel nothing.  I would prefer to not see my friends.  My family, partner, and a few online friends I never see are enough for me.  I would rather these people weren’t my friends.  But it frustrates me because if I feel that, why can’t I just tell them that I can’t handle their behaviour?

My ideal outcome would be to end my friendship with them all, and maybe then I could form new ones, healthy ones, with people I may be able to want in my life.  This was stressing me out so much recently I honestly felt that moving to a different city and ghosting them would be the best outcome.  But I know that’s not healthy, and it’s not kind on them either.

If anyone has advice, I would greatly appreciate it.  Maybe there are things I can practice to get me to the point of telling my friends (I wouldn’t be able to send them a letter saying it either), or would it be best for me to ignore them until they move on?
I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but I feel so worthless and anxious whenever I’m with them, I just can’t take it any more.