So the title says it, I'm 13 (female)and I'm feeling always down every day, I'm always bitter and terrible to my family,I resent my parents for being poor and choosing to have kids with this type of lifestyle they have idk,i just feel really really suicidal right now because of my life recently I've been searching ways to end my life painlessly but i know I don't have the guts to do it,my parents always pressure me about school and my social life saying that i need to go out and make friends with my age but i can't because i have social anxiety and im a boring loser , I'm feeling really really insecure about myself too,i always feel jealous whenever i see someone pretty my age,i think to myself "why don't i look like that? I'm the same age as her but I'm ugly as hell"also i don't believe that much in God because if God really does love me then why do i live this way? why can't i have a normal life? normal parents,friends,and etc.Also idk if I'm hormonal or just depressed,tbh i think I'm depressed because i already stopped puberty and already developed plus I always feel angry, envious and bitter whenever i see someone my age successful like idk why i am like this I started being like this when i was just 11 also i feel happy most days but everyday when I'm alone with myself i just feel like this,also i made a diary to let out all my feelings but sadly my mom found it (i wrote about how i was suicidal,that I don't believe in God anymore,etc) and she yelled at me and told me that i was the reason she had cancer, because i don't believe in god anymore that i am the cause of our family's misfortunes,So i know that i am just a terrible person,i became the person that i hated, the bitter resentful girl....sorry for my long post i just had to get this off me