 i am 21 years old living in the philippines and yet i am still not allowed to go to another town to work and learn to work. i will be staying with my boyfriend and his family, because there will be important shit to do aka work but my mother just couldn’t let me go and do my thing. the worst thing is that i am completely stressed right now and anxious and i cannot stop thinking what if my father wouldn’t allow me and my mother completely doesn’t. my parents are separated and i just can’t understand why after all these years, they have always left me alone as a child because they were out with their leisure activities, hangout with friends, thinking their very much youngsters who do not have a child! i always all alone when i was a child, my biggest memory of my father was that he was drunk always and that he beat my mother and that it was normal for me, their fighting and all. their neglect made me depressed and anxious and now they won’t let me go?! i am so angered and anxious right now that i can’t even stop thinking and stressing out. i hate my life and it has always been like this. one single thing not going my way and i’m thinking i want to die and i’m just tired and that life is very ugly and shitty. trauma comes back to me and it just gets me tired. i hate my father. i hate my mother for enabling him to be shitty and for putting up with that nasty life, which also is my nasty childhood life. i hate her for making me embarrassed more by putting all attention to me when i clearly didn’t want it. now any social situation makes me go crazy and i just want to die. #socialanxiety. fuck this