Well, apparently I care to some degree, because I'm here asking!

When I feel particularly low, I find myself wondering if now is the time out of desperation. On the rare occasion I feel good, I find myself wondering if now is the time as I feel maybe I could have a place in the world. But all it is, is dust in the wind, dude. The 99.9% of the rest of the time, nothing. It doesn't seem of any consequence what I do or what happens to me.

The thought process is there, I know in theory what I should be doing. It's like... people say I'm supposed to think *this* and a person would do *that*. So I've half a mind to imitate what a person would do for themselves in my circumstances. As part of that, I feel like I should want it to matter. But it doesn't. I never got any help. OK.