And realize they were creepier than once thought? I'm being reminded of some weird shit I've done, for instance a few times when with friends I recorded us because I was so excited to be hanging out with them and wanted to capture the moment of hilarity, but looking back I seemed to be just a weirdo filming. Now my mind's spiralling into what else I must've done or said that was creepy without me knowing. Nowadays we have Snapchat so it's normal but this was recorded on my phone to look back on as if I knew it'd be something to be nostalgic over one day. The problem is there was nothing particularly amazing going on, just hanging out and laughing our ass off. And now I'm just spiralling into despair feeling like my friends think I'm a creepy pervert or a dax-like character from project x. This might not even be an issue relating to bpd, but I've remembered these memories before but only now realizing the weirdness of it. It's things like this that make me alienate myself further.