well i have an FP again. she's just an internet friend. it's the same FP i had before but because i block her then i unblock her like in a weekly/monthly routine it's just confusing. 

i love her very much but i'm pretty scared that she's gonna abandon me. i mean i blocked her a lot of times, i said very-very mean things to her but she still stands with me. 

actually why i'm making this post is because i don't know how to cope with one particular thing. 

i almost always feel that i'm annoying her or maybe she thinks i'm boring or anything like that. so i ask her about it. she always says no but then i start to think about maybe she just said no because she knows that i will feel bad if she says yes. so i ask it again then i go into a spiral so i keep asking the same question i start feel extremely bad but the answer is still no while it's pretty clear that NOW i'm annoying her for real but she still says no. so then i apologize and i apologize because i apologized then i apologize because for who i am (and i'm in the apologize spiral now). and this thing happens in every damn hour and it's fcking hell.

what can i do with it?