I am 22 and currently on holidays in Cyprus.i went there with 5 "friends" of mine.

Until know, Ive been under the influence for almost the whole time. Maybe you can relate to having a depressed phase and thats when I suddenly cant talk to others at all... It happens a lot to me that i really can't stop thinking as if all you see your friends doing needs to be analysed.

The thing is, i see my friends having a good time. Each other is approaching others to not make them even walk alone for a second. Then there's me, not knowing a way to talk with friends anymore. And also not having the space of mind to try to start a simple conversation myself. I split up, i start the whole thinking rollercoaster which then prevents me from just enjoying my time. It cripples me further when i realize that actually nobody wants to talk to me.
My friends know about my depression and they also do not see me having a hard time with my brain. Once i just disappeared and came back hours later. But then again, nobody wants to take the time to get me back out of this low. Id be enough for me if they just tried to project their "high" onto me, but it never happens.

This and then the fact that i secretly fucking love one of them. Its just too much. I dont know ehat to do. I just cant approach them to talk about this as it's their holiday as well and u dont want to ruin it with your own low.

It feels like i am thinking about them the whole time while they just do not think about me at all. I sit there watching stars while they party just 5 meters away. Nobody comes, but if someone else would be sitting there, exactly the guy i love would look after him. I'd love to die, hoping theyd realize they could have just stopped it with showing me some empathy that i do not have in those times...
Id also wish to have one good friend whom I could always talk to, without thinking i am ruining his time. And yes, even though it doenst matter too much, the guy i love is straight while i am not... 

Can u relate? Can u give some tips?