i have to travel about 50 minutes each day by public transport to get to campus. today there were some strikes and most of the transport lines were down, meaning that the available ones would be packed. on a good day i manage to get to campus with a small anxiety attack and have to stay in the toilets by myself for at least 15 minutes to compose myself. i knew that if i attempted to attend classes today, i would have a huge meltdown because there’s absolutely no way i could handle all that pressure.

so i emailed my lecturers to let them know and their replies were understanding. but i feel so bad and embarrassed. i keep thinking what if i’m the only one who’s skipping or what if my lecturers think i’m doing too much. i couldn’t sleep that well last night and now i have a headache. i was planning to study the whole day but i guess i’ll just lay in bed today.

it’s so hard to have anxiety and be expected to function normally. i wasn’t taught anything about this when i was growing up. i thought something was wrong with me and would cry all the time because apparently i was doing everything wrong. i hate it so much.