Boyfriend reassured me last night... it was good enough at the time, but today, after re-reading the conversation a handful of times and overanalyzing, I'm no longer feeling reassured... if anything I'm feeling like utter shit and I want to talk to him about it but, I can't. I basically ruined my day, have my  blood boiling for no fucking reason and I'm really upset and hurt over him not saying specific things... like my mind is filling in the blanks. 

It sucks. I need him to say specific words. Specific phrases. And, if he doesn't... even if he gets it right 99% of the time, that 1% just throws everything away. Unfortunately for my boyfriend he doesn't get it right ....I wish he would learn my vocabulary and why I need the reassurance a specific way. I wish he made me feel so loved and special that I wouldn't feel the need to even NEED reassurance.  My ex did that... he provided so much security that I never doubted him... my boyfriend does not... and it makes me want to run and hide... what makes it worse is my ex is still in love with me and readily available.   


I'm hurt. I'm sad. I'm confused. I don't know what to do.