Hello!

I don’t even know where to start so I just will start to write and share my feelings and hope someone can relate or help me understand and maybe I can do something about it.

I am a guy, almost mid thirties.
All my life I have been a positive and inspired person.
I have enjoyed life so much, every single day. 
I used to love hiking and be out in nature 5-7 days a week. Going regularly to the gym and genuinely loved it and looking forward to it.
I have had many hobbies and I used to love learning new stuff.
I used to go to concerts, meet-ups with cars, woodwork, food and many other things and absolutely loved it.
I was a energetic person who jumped into things, like starting my own small company doing my biggest passion, photography.
I loved going to meetings with clients, I loved travels, I loved being out of my comfort zone when doing a new job.
I have always been the positive in the group, friends, clients or family. 
I’ve genuinely been positive about most things, (not that forced positivity like "oh I broke my leg, it is going to be fun trying crutches for some months!”) but more like positive thinking in general.

The last year it all has gone downhill.
I don’t enjoy anything anymore.
I have to force myself to do the things I love. And when doing the things I usually love I don’t feel any enjoyment, at all.
I can be with my family and have some kind of joy then and there, but the second I leave I feel bad again. 
Sometime I don’t even have to leave, I can go from being happy to sad/mad without any cause.
I sat here thinking about it, and I really can’t remember the last time I was genuinely happy. 
Even the small things in everyday life is now hard for me.
 I have to force myself for days or weeks to do even small things like fixing my car. 
I know it will take me 10 minutes and it’s the easiest thing in the world but instead I drive around for weeks in a car that makes so much noise because I don’t take 10 minutes of my day to fix it. 
I think about it every single day, many times a day instead.

I don’t enjoy nature or hobbies the same way anymore. 
The best way I can describe it is that my feelings are just flat. I just exist.

I could have come up with many more examples but you get the picture.

At home I am not the happy foolish guy anymore, even tho my family is the absolute best and has done nothing but good, ever. 

I now have insanely racing thoughts when trying to sleep, so much that I must open my eyes before it feels like my head explode from overwhelming many thoughts at once. 
I can describe it like thoughts lasts anywhere from 1 second to 10 seconds before changing rapidly.
For 5 seconds I think about the weather, then interrupted by a song I don’t even like for 2 seconds, and then about a conversation I had earlier for 5 seconds and then the damn song again, and then why are bananas yellow and so on.

I have tried meditation and it works sometimes, but only for the moment. When I stop meditating the thoughts starts again.

I cannot see any solutions for this behaviour as it is just not who I am, or at least was a year ago or so.
I have always had a bright and positive feeling about the future, but now all I see is this lasting forever.

Any thoughts about this? 
Experiences that have helped you? 

I feel dumb writing this, I feel like a lazy kiddo who have not yet learned to behave like an adult….. It is embarrassing to admit that I have become such a person, and I realise I need to fix this.