someone help dissect my mind. i am a third year undergraduate at an ivy league university studying premed and computer science. i am extremely high functioning and always striving for the best (due to my addiction to perfection and fear of not amounting to anything). i am extremely outgoing/sociable/charismatic, yet i have a horrible temper/am so cold. i am so incredibly empathetic, yet i have such a ruthless attitude. i have so many meaningful and special relationships, yet i cannot seem to have a single stable or long lasting one. (these are referring to both platonic and romantic). i yearn for a relationship with my parents, yet i want nothing to do with them and fear them.  i am goal-oriented and driven, yet i have no idea what the fuck i want to do with my life. i want to die and daydream about my suicide, yet i want to live for my hope in a better life. i am a contradictive paradox. I have no sense of self. i have no sense of being. i feel like i live from a point of view of someone on the moon, watching myself and every other human on the earth. someone help dissect my mind / i feel too far gone.