Using a throwaway

I feel like my entire family is dissapointed in me, I feel like I annoy everyone, I have never been able to look at myself in a mirror or compliment myself
I've always been made fun of ever since I was 5-6
I feel like shit, I shouldn't even had been born, all I've done my whole life is annoy people
I can't take it anymore, I don't deserve anything.

I'm comming to visit my step-dad, I miss him so much
I'm sorry, brother, I wish I could had spent more time with you
Sorry I couldn't make it, I hope it's peacefull after life, even if I don't deserve it