I almost don't want to go. I got invited by a long time best friend, but haven't seen him in awhile due to COVID. there will be about 5 people I know and 10 I won't (anxiety #1). One of the 5 I know is my ex boyfriend who is close friends with the host (anxiety #2). Also, I have gained 30 pounds since all these people have last seen me and I'm on my journey to body love/acceptance and trying to lose weight blah blah but the fact of the matter is I'm embarrassed by my body and almost don't want to go because of it (#3). I know people will judge me/ notice the weight gain and that makes me uncomfortable. I have a history of eating disorder so i am very preoccupied by body image and it can be on my mind at events like this, making me more self conscious

Anyways. I don't know what i'm looking for, words of encouragement? or maybe to just vent, thanks for reading