I am 25F. Recently, I finish college with a social work degree. But I do not feel mentally fit to handle the stress of that career anymore. 

Background: 

I have an absent father and haven't interacted with him or his side of the family for over 10 years. My mother got into drugs when I was 13 and is a on again/off again an addict. 

I was raised by my grandparents. My grandfather passed away suddenly in 2016. My grandmother spent 2018-2020 on hospice. It was a lot taking care of her because I was a primary caregiver and she had bad anxiety and depression like me. My mother was also back on drugs during this time period. 

My aunt and uncle moved into the house several years ago (mother's brother). 2 weeks ago my aunt got COVID and is fighting for her life on a ventilator now. The doctors want to know if we want CPR done because it is not looking good at all. My uncle is probably moving his girlfriend into the house too and I don't like her. 

My boyfriend also just broke up with me yesterday after 5 months because he was not going to be emotionally available for the potential death of my aunt.

Recap:

So, I have a complicated relationship with my mother (I have talked to her since the breakup and my aunt's condition). My grandparents are gone. My boyfriend is gone. My father is gone. My aunt might go. My sister is going to partially be gone because she is moving 2 hours away. My best friend moved to another state 3 years ago. My second best friend is moving back down here for a little while. 

Problem: 

I am SCARED. I am heartbroken. I have been holding back tears and vomit all day because I don't want my aunt to die and I miss my boyfriend. 

Idk how to explain this next part, but I am scared of the changes and also scared of the routine. I don't want people to die or leave. While I was in college for 5 years, my friends and I would go to the popular restaurant in town. We were gonna get out of our tiny town. But internship took all of my savings. Now I am stuck staying at home for another year. DOING THE SAME ROUTINE MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT! I have a job, but it is as an RA and today all I could think about was grandma. I miss them so much. 

I wanted to go back for my Master's Degree next August for library science and get a job as a librarian at a college

But I had to take out a loan for surgery that I needed and it won't be paid off until July 2023. 

So now I am thinking I should wait on getting student loans and pay off the medical loan first. But people expect me to go back in August. I think I want to work and save and go on a trip to see my best friend and pay off my loan before doing more school or getting more loans. The program will also be there and academic librarian jobs are few in this area anyway. 

I am anxious of people when I am in this state. So if that woman comes here, should I just state in my room and mind my own business? Should I get a my favorite video game for my room while I do not have school so I am not always scrolling or watching TV? Should I get into church? A new church with different people and my age group?

I am sick to my stomach. I honestly believe I should wait on my Master's for at least 2 years (I also have to help with more bills here if my aunt dies) so that I can get my mind right, grieve, and save. Should I care about making the people who expect me to go back to college in August mad? 

I really think I would be happy in life to just get a job in retail with low stress and not even use my college degree because idk if I can ever get better. I have been anxious my whole life. Idk anymore. It's so hard to move out on your own.