There is going to be a lot of annoying rambling, as I am freaking out. I am engaged to a wonderful girl who lives 3700 miles away, and we are due to be married in June after 7 months of dating and a year of knowing each other. But as of lately, my mental health has crashed and I've gone into a spiraling depression(?). I can't feel anything for her, but I love her to death. She is my best friend, and I can't feel that anymore. Everyone says I'm fine and that it's depression, but I want Reddit's point of view.
I get crazy butterflies from her, but they come and go. My head has been questioning getting married when only two and a half months ago I was insanely excited about spending the rest of my life with her. Is this depression? I used to say I love you all the time, and compliment her, and call her cute, adorable, etc.. And now I forget to? Or I don't say it as much. I know we're fine but ugh..
I've started to push even close friends away. I can't feel joy, excitement, or anything really, but I can still smile and laugh and such. What can this be? I cannot lose this girl to my mental health. She means the world to me. I used to be so worried about her going places or meeting new people. (BPD and abandonment issues) But it's abruptly stopped, which is new for me. We're perfectly fine in our relationship. I just can't figure out what's wrong with me. Not sure if it's depression, or BPD, or one of my many other mental illnesses. Not looking for professional help on here, but some reassurance, etc. Can I get your opinions please? Thank you.