It’s hard to explain but perhaps many of you will understand. On one hand I’m miserable because of my self-hatred, but on the other hand I feel like I’m fulfilling a law of nature by doing so. Like that’s just the way things should be. 

This isn’t self-pity or wanting attention. 

This is a different feeling. 

It just feels “right” in my bones when I have murderous thoughts towards myself.

I even sometimes fantasize that I could step outside of my body, and beat the shit out of myself or kill myself in the third person. 

When I see pictures of my ugly, cringe-inducing, disgusting face it causes me to laugh with anger. I mentally taunt my own image and think “God, you really are something aren’t you? Look at this pathetic excuse for a life! You honestly have the gall to get up every morning? Fuck you!”

It’s so fucked up I know, and it’s bizarre even to me to feel this way.