Last year i dated someone and i feel like i was taken advantage of but i dont know. We met at the end of july and beginning of may i had a suicide attempt (not hospitalisation but drunk and cutting and spent a night very harmful to myself) so, that night really revealed that i had bpd.

So, we got pretty close pretty quickly then i wanted to talk about where things were going and they said they'd been like using me unintentionally. I didn't want to give them as a second chance but felt guilted because they said they'd never find someone like me again. I gave them a second chance and then it was too painful as they'd flirt with their ex (unintentionally?) then speak to both of their recent exes. I broke up with them and they cut themself and showed me on snapchat. We got back together because i didnt want to upset them. then we talked in person like a couple weeks later and i was crying a lot a lot saying they deserved better and i couldnt do it anymore it was too painful always as they'd do things that really upset me. I was crying my head off and i said i cant do this, then about 20 minutes later i was saying okay ill try again after they said i wasnt trying hard enough mentally and wasnt fighting for them...

I was on top of the world believing it was all my fault and id try harder for them. this made me hold resentment for the next bit of the relationship and made me start arguments occasionally. Then they told me to remove my best friend saying they didnt care about me when apparently that wasnt true... We got into an argument and i said how it was extremely wrong they told me to remove this person from my life whilst she remained good friends with them and talked about me to this ex friend. Then she broke up with me. Told my friends i was toxic and push-pully when the whole time i was guilted by her...

Im aware of what i did wrong. i take responsibility for a lot and this year we spoke about it and i apologised for being hot and cold (even though i was a new diagnosed borderline and had no treatment as i was waiting for a program to start) but are they also in the wrong or was it all me? I feel like they saw i was struggling a lot and very suicidal and were selfish but that makes me feel like victim mentality :( idk