had the worst bpd episode yet. basically my crush got a new bf (maybe, idk actuallly) and i just lost it, i was on the floor crying my ass off like a little baby and looking thru snapchat for xanax plugs to od. 30 minutes later im like this emoji “😼” and telling myself “this bitch gave me hustle, ima get the bag and flex on that bitch!!!” lmaooo i just fucking cant with this shit, tf am i doing.. what if i rly was going with the first option to buy xans and try to od.. im fucking worried im going to have a worse ep than this and really do sumn life threatening now. shit crazy. and the worst thing is im not even sure if it was my crush with another boy, because i saw a snap and it was someone similar kissing another boy (didnt even see her face lol) and i just made it in my head that its 100% her. also plz let me know if i should tell her that i have bpd, we were on rly good terms before i split up with her because she left me at a party because i got in a fight. she texted me are u ok after and i told her to fuck off, it was on fucking valentines day n i didnt even apologize. after that i blocked her a while back and recently reached out again (6-7months after block lol) and apologized. we talked for a while and then she removed me from my snap, prob thought i was tweaking on drugs but was just having an ep acting out of it and speaking irrationally bout things. prob made myself look like a real crazy person lmk guys kisskisss ily my twins, we gotta be up fuck this illness😭💗🙏