I’m trying so hard to work on myself by reading up on bpd, dbt skills, grounding techniques, breathing, etc. I tried very hard to implement those today by taking time alone, grounding myself, breathing through my anxiety. Once I was in a calm and good place I tried to talk to my partner about some issues were having, my needs and his needs, and meeting halfway on them. 

Well he shit all over my needs… and told me he only wants to spend time with me when he’s in the mood for it. I ended up asking him directly if he actually wants to be with me instead of trying to go about it in some off way to find out. His response was, “who would want to be with you?” Then he pointed out my issues, even though I’ve been working on them.. and I know they’re not entirely my fault. For real example I keep splitting on him every week when he threatens to leave me over disagreements. I’ve been trying to tell him that this causes me to split because I don’t feel secure in our relationship. Anyway, after he was done pointing out what’s wrong with me and I started crying he told me to go split in my room. 

I can’t afford to leave and get a place on my own and we have a baby together so that makes it so much more difficult to just walk out. Of course the worst part is I’m now splitting again and can’t stop it even though I know what’s happening.