I've never been in the hospital for mental health and I'm trying to hold on as long as I can to file some extra papers for disability. I'm a rapid cycler so I'm hoping I feel better by then...but if I get worse or I don't get better I intend to go into the hospital.

I am doing pretty bad. I am both bipolar and autistic...usually I don't act on my impulses but 2 nights ago it was a perfect storm of the two...I was really depressed and had an (autistic) meltdown at the same time...and I became a hair trigger of emotions. For the record I wasn't trying to commit suicide, I just wanted to hurt myself because I was so overwhelmed with emotion...but I can see how it might look different from the outside....so I worry if I'm honest they'll form me and I won't be able to leave, even if I go in willingly. (please don't ask for details) That's why I need to know what to bring... 

Part of the problem is recently I started a prescription which disrupted my mood even more than normal and sent me hypomanic/mixed for a few hours today till the PRN meds kicked in. And just as swiftly as it started, that ends and I'm back to dark thoughts and depression. At least I know my current meds treat the mania...but my psychiatrist tells me they actually induce depression, so I'm still a fucking mess. All I want to do is cry and harm myself, and my psychiatrist is on vacation for another month. I don't even have the energy to eat...but if I'm so fucking unstable that I would hurt myself, what happens next time? I can't live like this.

**So I ask you guys, how long do I pack for? What do I bring with me? What should I be bringing? And what** ***can*** **I bring?** 

like meds?

books?

medical supplies? (this is embarrassing, but when I'm mentally distressed I tend to wet the bed a lot... so should I bring protection with me?)

clothes?

A notepad and pen? And are there any restrictions or substitutions with this? (I have gone mute in the past and need a method of communication)

what else? I'm actually afraid to call ahead, for the same reason as above. This is terrifying to me....I hope I feel better soon so I don't have to go...