I amd dealing with a lot of specific triggers with my depression and CPTSD. Seperated since Aug. 2020 (Fuck this year), and I have my kid on weekends since I moved out, and staying with a friend till I get my own place, (Separate can of worms). I grew up with a parent with a lot of undiagnosed mental issues, also physical, and is a main source of my CPTSD.
Alot of my symptoms after being triggered, leave me easy to anger and I lash out. I tend to yell and fuss and berate my kid alot, and he is 5, going on 6, in kindergarten, having to take inperson classes. And dealing high his parents sad all the time and angry. But since the separation things got better. Especially for my wife. (Separate can of worms). 
But I am finding it harder to handle things. I have therapy, support groups, support friends, and systems in place. I know what and how thingswork. I am processing everything as I should. But this "hurry up and wait" is killing me. And im more and more unstable. 
I dont want to put my kid though something like me dealing with all this. But I dont want him to be withnout his dad. I grew up with put my dad, because of my mom and never go to know him. All I got was an abusive step dad. Other wise my young grand parents. 

So if any of you had unstable parents, would you of rather not of had to deal with that? Would my kid be better off with out me, and I can leave and get better? Or try to? Or would him being with out me, broken and angry, be worse? 
I dont want to be what I went through as a kid and have to deal with this. Cuz I cant deal with life. 
I will not hurt my self. I beat that demon along time ago. I just mean leave as in not be apart of his life until its worth the time to be back, if he wants me.