I'm broke and lonely. I've been broke before and I know how to come out of it but it feels like shit to work so hard to get my footing just to be relieved of financial strain and dive deeper into my loneliness.

I hate my life. It's been like this for 5 years. I've done all the stuff they say to ward off depression yet I'm still here. I don't even have the motivation to go to work anymore. Everything feels grey. I always feel sad and angry. Sometimes I feel so disconnected the outside world feels unreal to me. Like I'm just gliding through space and time without really being there. 

It's such a weird experience. At 25 years old I thought I'd be starting a career, have friends, be going on dates but I'm broke and alone in an apartment I can't afford. I'm tired of this. It feels like a torture wheel. 

I even feel shitty for feeling like this. Like I feel like I should've moved on by now. It seems like my friends have...I know they say that everyone feels sad and lonely sometimes but I honestly don't think most people can relate to thinking of killing themselves everyday. I'm pretty sure I'm part of the minority. Hopefully it stays that way. ✌🏽