more of a rant than anything. 

my mom is a very painful reminder of my past for me, and everytime i stay with her for more than a day or two, i feel so worn down. it doesn't help that she has always been one of my primary sources of anxiety. it's like reopening an old wound when i'm with her.

ofc, if i want to spend christmas with my dad and brother, that means i have to tolerate her too because they all live under the same roof. it's been three days and i've already fallen so fast into my bad habits- sleeping the afternoon away, no interest in activities i love, etc. i can't stand being here... the last time i came, i had a breakdown and had to leave early. i just want to go back to my apartment with my boyfriend already and move on with my life. 

i know that the holidays are supposed to be a happy time, but this year it's just more about bearing through it. christmas couldn't be over soon enough...