I selfish and I have no right to be so why do I keep doing it why cant I stop being such a terrible person why cant I stop myself from living. Why do I use the "I" all the the time I'm too stupid too think beyond myself. I need to be invisible I dont deserve things or food or a life I dont deserve to be anywhere no one wants to deal with me. When i try to be submissive it's not good enough. I didnt complain or argue  I just duck down and acted as low maintenance  as possible I'm still worthless and undeserving of care. But when I stand up for myself or speak like a real person I get hit with twice as many bricks of hatred and self hatred. Why cant it stop. Why doesn't anything make sense. I talk too much and I am too much. Incoherent  bullshit that just spews from me is so annoying