I apologise in advance if this post is off topic, but I don't consider myself to suffer from depression as a mentall illness, however I feel lonely and desperate from time to time, even when I'm around people, I don't think I have even one true friend who would be there for me no matter what, and who doesn't see me as someone who can be used.

I am (and was) surrounded by so many toxic people, mostly my narcissistic brother and mom, my toxic ex girlfriend(s), my toxic ex best friend, and all the other people to whom I opened myself, but they hurt me. I also have so much shit going on in my life sometimes I just think I should be gone from this world. I hate this world for what it has become, that most people aren't talkative at all, that noone wants to have relationships with each other, that people only want to use other people for their sake.

I only need one true friend or partner, I'd give them all of my attention and love and would want that in return.