I don’t know if I have any mental illness or not but I figure you guys will understand. I feel intensely lonely every day and want to die everyday. I just want someone to hug me everyday and tell I’m not crazy and smile and just genuinely enjoy being with me. I have great friends but I have never told them how I feel and I’m embarrassed too so I’m probably never gonna tell them. I watch porn and even though I hate it I cannot stop watching it because it makes me feel less lonely. I am Christian and I pray everyday and I still have these problems. I have anger issues and I often get angry at people on the internet and in video games. I often get angry at my sister and scream and cuss at her and sometimes I hit her. I feel like a bad person my internal monologue is always that I am a bad sinful person who deserves Hell. My friends and family and I laugh about my terrifying weed trip I had a few months ago but I am actually still really terrified by it and I am haunted by the memories every day and every night I’ve never told anyone how I really feel about it. I stay up late every night due to fear of demons and I often question if everything is real, how do I know this isn’t a computer game. Or a drug trip. Or a memory I’m reliving. Or what if I’ve already died and I’m just reliving my life. What if I’m just hallucinating everything and I’m actually just a mental patient in a hospital who has no idea what’s going on so I’ve made up a whole new world in my head. How do I know that I am real. How do I know that I don’t jump to a different parallel universe everyday but don’t realize it.