I’ve been putting off seeing a therapist for so long now. But now that I have proper insurance through my new job, I’m finally going to take the step. My sister was just told by her therapist that she thinks she has BPD, on account she feels so empty all the time. So we got to talking last night, and she thinks I have it too based off my past behavior. So I started to look up what BPD is, and I do think I have it.

Most of the time, I feel like I’m either pretty happy and content with life, or depressed as shit. There’s no in between. These feelings usually last for a couple days to maybe a week or two, constantly cycling between the two. That’s my first indication.

My second indication is that I have no impulse control. I smoke marijuana pretty heavily, and I recently tried to quit, but have not been able to because I find it so hard to just be disciplined. I have the same issue with binge eating. 

My third indication is my horrible perception of my self image. I’m always putting myself down for my actions and for the way I look, even though others are probably not thinking that way about me. 

My fourth indication is my uncontrollable anger, which happens sort of infrequently but when I do get angry, it’s intense for a minute or two but then subsides and turns into shame and embarrassment.

Lastly, I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. When i meet new people, I always think negatively about how they perceive me because I don’t have any of the same interests as them. 

In addition, I feel like I have no motivation to start new things and lack interest in anything besides smoking and video games. I feel like I know what I need to do to make things better for myself but I just don’t do them and the only thing holding me back is my own brain. 

For anyone out there listening, do you experience similar issues? Any advice for me, besides to seek therapy?