Content warning: abuse mention. I also don't suffer from BPD, in case you'd rather not read from people without it .


I reunited with my ex with Quiet BPD about three weeks ago. You can check my earlier posts for some context but long story short, we dated for about four years, broke up because I started overthinking and blowing up issues and then-current circumstances that shouldn't have mattered until I basically ran away. We was 'amicable', as far as something like that can go. I wasn't honest about the why of it, really. I made up a convincing excuse.



About a week ago I learned somebody I've been really trying hard not to think about: she kept everything. Every little gift or bit of jewelry I got her. She kept the ring I gave her that says "I won't give up" that doubled as a promise ring for our relationship and a reminder for her when things get too dark emotionally for her. She kept the notes I wrote to her in the mornings when we lived together for a year. And she reread them at least a couple times throughout those four years.



This hit me harder than the breakup did. I abandoned her. She still has feelings for me, and despite the fact that she's been in situations bad enough that even the "quiet" part of things broke and she would start to destroy her belongings in rage, she still kept those things. Even when she tried to get rid of them, she couldn't bring herself to.



Learning she still had feelings for me hurt. Learning her current boyfriend doesn't try to understand her and gets verbally abusive, angry, and controlling hurt - I hoped she had at least found somebody better. But this? This really killed me. All this time... I've never regretted anything more in my life. I've put her through too much.