My boyfriend is going on an amazing work trip, touring with a huge artist for the next three weeks. I don't want him to know how hard I'm struggling but I'm so scared to be alone while he's gone. I get really weird, smoke too much weed, and go into a dark place. We moved to a new city within the last year and I don't have close friends here. Sometimes I just want to die just so I don't have to go through this cycle over and over and over again. I'm happy sometimes but it is so damn painful where I am right now.