I live with my significant other who suffers from Bpd. We have children together. When he gets upset with me he says the most hurtful things then leaves the house for days, weeks, or even months without seeing or speaking to me or his children. I have learned this is called splitting. I try to be validating and show him support even when I feel like he is being emotionally abusive. I know that isn't his intention but I do feel disrespectful of myself allowing it to happen. I love him and want to see him doing better so I really do try my hardest to help him. However, the way he shuts down emotionally from his children is very concerning for me as a parent. Children need stability in their lives and having a father who sometimes disappears is not at all stable. I will do anything to protect my children and do not want to raise them in this environment. I have voiced my concerns to him countless times. 

I am at a loss trying to understand how his number one fear is being abandoned yet he is the one that abandons anyone who cares for him. I know he is unconsciously pushing me away to self sabotage because I can't leave him if he leaves me first. He is in therapy and he understands that he is self sabotaging. I understand it is hard to control and am really supportive and understanding most of the time. The one boundary I have tried to put in place is that he doesn't leave the house like that. He engages in risky behavior, hurts me, and his children when he does this... yet it continues.

Why is it that he the children who are completely  innocent have to suffer the same abandonment that he fears? Someone please help me understand why he puts his children through his greatest fear. I don't want my children to have abandonment issues and I don't know what to do besides leave him. I feel like I have to protect my children first.