When I'm splitting on life itself, the people I usually text are able to tell that something's wrong and ask me, so I tell them.

This is going to be very whiny, but that's why I'm venting. Of course, I appreciate their willingness and their efforts, but it's just not what I need and I have told them so. Assertively.

They try their best to offer me support, but it's usually just words. They tell me that they love me or that they care about me or that they're there for me (but how exactly?). This makes me feel worse because I feel a lot of negative-paranoid things, ranging from "they pity me" to "I could just program some robot that could tell me all these things and it'd be the same, they're not real".  I don't even know what people mean when they say that they "are there" for me. 

So I just reply a dry "Thanks" and they of course feel hurt or frustrated.

Sometimes they try to talk me out of my "split" and I just smack down every argument. They feel frustrated and that has made matters worse. Yesterday a guy told me that he was arrogant for believing that he would be able to help me if he understood my feelings, but no. It doesn't work like that.

I've learned that "words of affirmation" is definitely not even a valid love language for me. None of them - the words - imply an actual understanding of me as a person. They "love" me, but they don't really do. They call me "beautiful", but there's millions of attractive people out there. It's just thrown around. It's no more meaningful than a "have a nice day".

If they actually want to help me get out of my split, I would need them to BE HERE. Physically. Not "be here" in text. I need non-invasive physical touch. Like an arm pressed against my arm. A side hug. A funny conversation. Acceptance of the tide of my emotions just coming and going. Don't try to fight it. You cannot control the tide. Just stand here with me until it goes down. I won't dissociate or lash out because I'm not afraid of the tide anymore so my flight - fight response now doesn't exist, but if you want to do something for me, please just stand by my side, don't try to stop the water with words. If you can't stand by my side, please understand that I need to be alone.