Before I get to my question, I want to preface by mentioning that I don't have a BPD diagnosis, but I heavily suspect I have it, as well as cPTSD, and who knows what else (I also think I have Inattentive ADHD, and I'm already on a waiting list to get tested for autism). I have an appointment with my doctor to hopefully get a psychological evaluation set up, but I know the waiting list is going to be brutal, and this symptom is one of the hardest to deal with, so I wanted to at least try to get a little help now. I saw other threads talking about maladaptive daydreaming here, and my other experiences align pretty well with BPD in general, so I thought this would be the most likely place to find others who might relate and know more about this experience...

So. I'll try to explain this as clearly as I can... I frequently get these sort of intrusive thoughts, but rather than just one single messed up image or phrase, it's a whole scenario, most often involving people I care about treating me horribly, one of my biggest fears. I often don't realize I'm daydreaming these scenarios until they've already made me feel horrible, and sometimes they're so intense, I actually dissociate. My "vision" gets hazy, I can't think clearly, I can't focus on things right, sometimes I even have very minor gaps in my memory. Thus far, I've been calling them "daymares", with how dream-like the whole thing is and how I have very little control over them.

I thought at first that this would be called maladaptive daydreaming, but from what I've read, MD is more of an addiction to good daydreams. I definitely don't have that. And I feel no urge to daydream about these bad things at all, it usually just happens. If I'm caught in my daymares, trying to daydream about something nice as a distraction only works for about a few minutes, unless it's something I've been particularly excited about the last few days. Does anyone know what this is then? Is it really a type of MD, or is this something else? Am I just over-complicating it, and it's just a type of dissociation?

Also, possibly related but I'm not sure: I have a lot of racing thoughts in general. Some days are worse than others, like the daymares or any other symptom, but when it's really bad, it's like... Several, completely different lines of thought all at once, all incredibly loud - on rare occasion, even to the point of "sensory" overload. Luckily this isn't quite as frequent or intrusive as the daymares though. The daymares are daily, and absolutely exhausting.

I do have a couple coping mechanisms, but they're not the best, so if anyone has any suggestions in that respect too, I welcome them.

TLDR: Basically nightmares, but I'm awake. Sometimes dissociative. I have almost absolutely no control over them. What the heck is this?