I was diagnosed with BPD 12 years ago. Lately it has been really hard to be a good mom. A couple months ago my oldest daughter (she is a preteen) ran away for a couple hours until police found her. Since then I feel like every move I make is wrong. I feel like I don't know how to be a mom anymore. I'm finding it hard to communicate with all of my kids. I feel like I am one little thing away from a complete breakdown. I don't want to damage them or fail them. I want to help them be the best they can be. But I feel like I have utterly and completely failed. I almost ran away tonight. I told my husband I would be right back got in the car and just sat there. I felt like if I drove off I wouldn't come back. So I sat and then I came inside and questioned every choice since. 

Sorry if this is rambling and makes no sense. 

Another note is we have been going to counselling since the runaway and it was helping a bit but we just found out the therapist we habe been going to is leaving for a different job and we only have 2 more sessions and no other therapist in the office has times that work for us so now we have to "shop" for a new place and thats thrown a whole other level of anxiety at me. 

How do you keep going when all you want to do is runaway?