Hello,

After a long period of depression caused by significant life-changes in 2017, I've been feeling much better for around 5-6 months. I'm unmedicated, other than using a CPAP machine nightly to treat Sleep Apnoea. Since getting this machine in December, I've been sleeping better than I have done for years, and my cognitive skills have improved immensely. (Just a note to say that my GP incorrectly diagnosed my Sleep Apnoea insomnia as Anxiety and I was put on Mirtazapine for 10 months, and it was a disaster, but things are so much better since I took my last dose in October.)

My partner has large debts from back when he had a breakdown in 2018. He basically sold his house, then came to live with me without telling anyone his new address, so he's managed to swerve the fallout for a long time. We started to tackle this about a month ago, as we are both feeling better. We have applied for an IVAa and this looks very promising, but to get through the application, we've both had to access the memories of our difficult times in detail. Without going into detail, this includes the suicide of his mum, my miscarriage and later a stillbirth, the selling of his home and him wasting the money that was meant for our future, and the loss of my career after my own struggle with pregnancy. 

Even though we are finally coming out the other side and picking ourselves up, it's still very difficult to access these memories. 

I have struggled to sleep over the last week or two, and it's starting to mess with me again - I can't even begin to imagine what I was like on a daily basis before my SA was treated! I feel anxious, angry, sad, guilty, and I'm living those feelings of loss all over again. 

I spoke to my GP yesterday and explained that I wanted something to help in the very short term. I was given Propranolol. I was told to take 1x40mg tablet per day and work up to 3x40mg. I ended up just taking the three tablets throughout the day yesterday - they did absolutely nothing. The fact that I was given a whole months worth and told to come back for a repeat prescription should have given me a clue that these are not what I'm looking for. 

I basically want a very short course of 'benzos'. I want to take one when I feel like shit, and just not care about anything for a while. I think the only one available in the UK is Diazepam. I know they're addictive, which is why I only want them for 2-3 weeks to get me past this stage where I'm having to access and relive my worst memories.

Can anyone give me some advice on what to ask my doctor for? 

Thank you so much in advance for your help.