Diagnosed with ocd and adhd.I feel like most of my thoughts are pre occupied and constantly fighting  against each other. It's very rapid and intrusive and there is always a "bad" thought in my head that I'm correcting. I kid you not It plays in my head 24/7 and I cannot stress how much I have never thought for myself in the past few years. Intrusive thoughts are the only things left in my brain and I do it subconsciously too.

I feel like I don't have an identity because most of the things I do are due to compulsions and I don't know my personality. I don't know what I personally like or don't like because everything I do even the food I eat or words I say is because of my compulsions.Not being able to properly think means I struggle with making decisions too. I'm constantly forgetting things and there are gaps in my memory from even a few days ago because I can never pay attention to anything else other than my unwanted rapid thoughts.

I don't remember most of my childhood either. I've lost my imagination and creativity. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. My head is constantly trying to tell me I enjoy feeling miserable even though I don't. I want to be me for once. I want to know what I like. I want to know how it feels to have a conversation where you can actively listen to a person and respond after thinking. I don't know what any of that feels like.