(CW: suicide) Does anyone else feel like they’ve become way too good at pretending like everything is great, and living a “normal” life but dying inside every single day? No one in my life has any clue that all I think is “I wish I wasn’t alive anymore.” I am able to somehow (I have no idea how) maintain a stressful job, keep up appearances with friends and family. I am asking for help in subtle ways, but I feel like a burden and filled with guilt. I have no motivation to continue. I have no hope for the present or the future, no purpose. I am a shell of who I was. I feel empty and alone, like utter trash all the time. I have no one I can talk to who I trust fully to keep me safe and not make me feel like a burden. Though I have tried it typically ends with.. 
Not my problem 
That’s your problem
Go get help
You need help 
Attention seeking 
That’s on you 
Control your emotions 
It’s in your head 

This is a never ending cycle. I’m just scared it’s going to boil over soon.. I’m a very impulsive person and this is just a recipe for disaster.. 
I am seeking help personally and will work on getting professional help but right now I just really need/want peer support and to not feel so alone. Thanks for listening/reading.