tldr: probably have an ED, maybe made up my depression. how do i ask for help?

i’ve felt like shit for as long as i can remember. but i feel like i made myself depressed. i’ve learned so many things about mental issues and symptoms through psych/bio courses or just reading stuff and i recognize a lot of them in myself. but i can’t help and wonder if i’m manifesting them because i learned about it or if i’m finally seeing something i’ve experienced for a while. it’s confusing and it makes me feel guilty because i always see those things where people say how fucked up it is to “make up” mental illnesses or to glorify them and i don’t want to be that person. i’m kind of sure i have some type of ED given i’ve binged, purged, and cried over calories or whatever. that to me seems viable, but i feel like the rest could be made up. i just want to feel better but i don’t know how to get help or even if i need help if that makes sense. i’m so aware of these things that it really feels like i’m pretending for attention sometimes. has anyone felt like this before? how do i even bring this up to a doctor? it feels stupid to type out