Please read this to the end.

1.My Education

From the first day at school, everyone including me knew that i had problems with math and logic. BUT NO, you have to be a goddamn engineer or doctor.

I spent all my highschool days and the days before university exam with crippling anxiety and stress, and at the same time my dad was having problems with his work and yelled at me all the time.
I don't know how, but I made it to university in another city. I'm trying to major in computer engineering.

Right now, the biggest problem is that i think there's no way to fix what I've gotten myself into and it's killing me inside. (Edit: the reason is mandatory military service)

I failed the first year completely. now I've passed two years with COVID and I can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm gonna fail again.

I've been studying and playing music for the past 6 years and it's only thing that I truly love, but i think I've come the wrong way and it's not going to be fixed.

2.My appearance

I'm an inbred child with messed up genes, there's nothing in my appearance that I feel proud of.
I'm very, very short as a male(162), I've always felt inferior in my life.
I'm losing my hair due to male pattern baldness and I've had to deal with acne.

3.My social life

My social life is messed up and i don't know why.
I have trust issues because of being abused at a young age and I've lost the only bit of self-esteem that i had in the past few years.
I never had a girlfriend and I assure you, I don't have any problem talking to girls.

4.Country, money and economics

I live in a country with really,really FUCKED UP economics, inflation and worthless currency.
We were doing mosly OK, until my dad decided to go play with some stock market bullshit and lost all our money.
Now, we had to borrow money to fix my laptop.
If you're not sure how bad it is, a dollar in my country equals to 30 thousands of our currency.

To be fair, it could've been much worse. At least I'm healthy.

I don't know what to do, I'm not sure of myself and my abilities, everything feels empty and hopeless.