25 m and 26F. This will might be a long post. But i really need to describe the situation. Im really sorry. I would like to have some advice on what i can do better.

Right now im in rehab, a 1 year program. Ive been in for 7 months, and my stay might go beyond 1 year. I met my current girlfriend when i was a couple months sober. Im sure many of you know, its not considered the best idea to get into relationships so early in recovery. Ive been to two rehabs, before this program, i was in a 19 day program. She left the same 19 day program a week before i came in.

We ended up meeting through friends. And as an addict it was soothing to find someone that comforted me. She was sober for a bit then relapsed. And shes kept stopping and picking back up. 

When she has relapsed she became homless, and really terrible things happened to her on the streets, all while im stuck in a facility 24 hours a day. Working on myself. Therapy, meetings etc.

We dont fight to often. But this last one, we met at the mall on a tuesday, i can leave the center sometimes. And she kept saying she might not make it through the night sober. Shes was in a sober stretch. And i said everything i could to try and convince her it wasnt a good idea to use. Shes was 19 days sober. I was panicking and saying the same things over and over. I said that if it continues to be relapse after relapse, our relationship is going to potentially fail, because thats the nature of addiction. Which was my attempt at being assertive in my panicked mind because i really just dont want her to use. Everything in me just wants her to love herself and be happy and not use. She has a really toxic place to stay where shes disrespected and its not ideal for recovery. And if she uses and shes caught, she will be booted onto the streets, by her own family. Where she then gets into big trouble and really bad things happen.

This is what sort of scares me terribly, because i genuinely care about her, and so i tried to give her advice. But what stood out to her was that our relationship could crumble if she relapses to many times. I also made a boundary where i cant be around her while she uses. 

Ive recognized now this wasnt the best approach, she didnt want advice she just wanted to be comforted. And in my hyper logicial mind, im bad at comforting. I find comfort in advice and methods. Ways of thinking that lead me out of the pattern of using thoughts. But she just wanted that purley emotional comfort. And so we were on different wave lengths. She left and used that night, and told me she had a drink. And i instantly freaked out. I got angry, and sad, and frustrated and. 

I know i shouldnt be out here trying to fix people. Im behaving codependently. But at the same time, i do receive so much comfort from her when shes sober. I can talk to her about any of my problems. I told her very specific details of traumas i thought id take to the grave with me, because i trust her enough to open up. Ive never really had that even with councilers and therapists. We relate on a lot of things.

But anyways. Today she messaged me and was doing the push pull thing. "Maybe you should leave me, youd be better off" and i know this characteristic of BPD. My sister had bpd as well. She kept saying it over and over and over. I kept saying i love her and i dont want to do that. But to no avail. Eventually I said fine. If thats how you want it. Fine il leave. 

And that was a mistake. Im crumbling under the pressure. I regret saying that. In the moment i just felt like deep down she didnt want to be with me anymore. And then she got upset, and said shes going to put walls up, and that i said id leave her. And i tried explaining how i felt and it wasnt coming through to her.

I panicked. And now shes messaged me and were all good and she said i did nothing wrong and. Idk. But i feel i messed up somewhere. How can i make things easier for both of us?  What should i do? How should i handle things?