A lot of you said that I shouldn’t necessarily blacklist a relationship both he and I were invested in because of what he did, mainly because I wasn’t entirely sure what was or wasn’t true, and it made it sound like I wasn’t sure if he lied. 

Well it’s much more clear now - he did lie, he lied to me for months. We were meant to start the year at university together, and had countless conversations about comparing timetables, him studying at my house, helping him with writing his dissertation, graduating together, even moving in together after graduation. I can’t even count how many of these conversations we had over the course of three months. 

The entire time he knew he hadn’t passed his second year. He made plans with me, looked to the future with me, got excited with me about going into this academic year together as a couple, all the while knowing everything he was saying was a barefaced lie. Every time we had a conversation about it he was lying. Every time we talked about graduating together, being on campus together, studying together, it was a lie. And he knew it. 

It’s not about him failing. University isn’t for everyone, I fully get that. It’s not about that at all. It’s about the fact he felt comfortable having continuous conversations with me that, at their core, weren’t true at all. It’s the fact he felt comfortable keeping up such a big, prolonged lie, directly to my face, looking me in the eye. 

The day before we broke up, I gave him one last opportunity to be honest. Did you enrol in third year? Yes. Did you apply for student finance? Yes. Did you pass second year? Yes. None of that was true. If he’d come clean that final time, after months of lying, I might have been able to trust him, or at least believe that he just got wrapped up in a lie that snowballed. But he didn’t. He continued, even then, with one last opportunity to be honest, to lie to me. He admitted to it, finally. 

I know to some this probably isn’t a deal breaker, and I know you guys probably don’t even remember the post, but I’ve just looked over the comments again and finally felt ready to address what you guys were saying. I totally get why you’d say what you did, but looking back, even though the break up ruined me, I absolutely did the right thing. I didn’t compromise my principles. I didn’t give in and let myself be lied to for the sake of feeling loved by someone. I know, as someone with BPD, that I need complete honesty to feel secure in a relationship, and if he’d lie about something like this for so long - how could I ever trust him again? 

Sorry, I know this is long, and I know you probably don’t care, but I felt the need to clarify. 

I’m doing a bit better now. I’ve focussed all of my energy into crafts and weightlifting and I’m keeping busy and relatively level. 

Thanks for your support anyways guys!