So, my whole schpeal: I suffer from abandonment issues, anxiety in general, and have suffered from depression. I was sexually abused as a child, and now I'm 21 and currently trying to process through the aftermath after all these yrs. I went through a huge dip of depression about a month ago where I actually planned my suicide, but never went through with it. Then about two weeks after that fit, I went through a sort of high where I truly believed I could get into UC Berkeley for grad school with my shitty 2.80 GPA 😂. Like I was planning my future, trying to get my shit together, and I felt hopeful. 

But now I feel like I'm kinda falling back into the depression phase and what I'm really trying to say is that I feel like when I think about my trauma, I dont really see it as "trauma." It almost feels like the equivalence of falling off your bike and getting a scab. I dont really feel anything towards it, for me, it doesnt feel like trauma at all. In addition, I know I can be very hostile sometimes and say mean things to people without feeling guilty about what I've said. In fact, it kinda makes me feel good? I act in promiscuous ways and latch onto people who arent "good for me." I dont really know.... I feel so confused about who I am.