I'm stuck. I always feel stuck. I feel so lonely and I can't help but obsess over other people's wonderful lives. I feel like my parents did me wrong and they're no help. I have no other family or friends but I do have my long distance boyfriend. 

I want to move away from my mom's apartment but I don't have the means to do so. I live in NYC and don't have a license or enough money to pay for a car. So I'm stuck in the GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!! Can I get an apartment here? Not with my part time minimum wage job. Rooms usually start at $1,000. I'm getting my accounting degree from an online school (unsure of if I want to be an accountant but money?) and I want to act but I see the people of NYC living and loving and having an amazing time and all I can think about is how poor and lonely I am and probably always will be. 

My boyfriend wants me to move to his small town but I can't forego my screwed ideals of city life. I crave the bustle that I can't afford. I also want to be independent and not depend on him or anyone anymore. Also.. The market for accounting seems dry there and they have ZERO acting classes. 

I've been thinking about other major cities but the unknown scares me. My parents conditioned me to be afraid of everything. They told me that I don't need friends. That I need to be normal. That what they say is right and I should always be there for them because family comes before anyone and anything. They're currently pressuring me to finish my degree so I can support them. It's gotten unbearable and I've gone back to self harm and constant thoughts of dead = alive. 

What would you guys do if you were in my position? I feel very lonely and stressed every day, it's honestly killing me. I just want to be happy. 