I know that a traumatic childhood is not found in all BPD patients, but I am still curious to hear about all of your experiences and how you think it may have shaped your BPD.

For me, my mom and dad got a divorce when I was one. My older brother and I were separated and he continued living with my dad. My mom moved us 100 miles away and got remarried almost instantly. This doesnt surprise me because my mom has serious attachment issues as well as diagnosed OCPD. The man she married  (still my current stepfather) is a classic NPD and is an alcoholic and oxy addict. Their marriage has always been toxic and I grew up feeling like I always had to protect my mom from his abuse. He abused me too, mostly emotionally/verbally, sometimes physically, and I have always had to defend myself. He also would hoard money and resources despite being a jobless piece of shit, so I often would go hungry and wouldnt have fitting clothing. I was used by him regularly and was always made to feel like a burden for needing anything at all. I think deep down this engrained in me that I am unlovable and disposable.

As for my dad, I got to see him every other weekend while I was younger, less so when I got to middle school. I love him but I had ALWAYS felt I hid the true nature of my emotional issues from him. Im not sure why, I think my stepdad had me so convinced that I was a problem that i wanted to keep ip the image of the “perfect daughter” to my dad. I think this behavior really contributed to my BPD being the quit type.

How about you?