I suffered child sexual abuse from the ages 3 to 10 years old. My parents didn't even notice because they were negligent. Since I was a child, I'm used to lie and hide information to seem normal to the outside. I didn't want to end up in foster care, so I was good at keeping the facade. 
What I mean by this, is that I've learnt from an early age, to not rely on anyone. 


Now, as a young woman, I'm secretive and incredibly suspicious. I always think that it's a matter of time until someone betrays me, so I don't want to tell anyone everything about me. It's like if I was a puzzle, and no one has all the pieces. I've tried to change many times, as it has been the main problem in my relationships. I seriously can't believe that if I need help, there will always be someone to turn on and get support from. I feel impaired. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't trust my boyfriend of the time, therebefore he thinks I must be hiding something shady or gets hurt that I don't share as much as he does with me. Then he pulls back or ends up leaving. 

 I start every relationship with the assumption that they will abandon me, and actually it does happen. I don't know how to change.