I can't talk to my family at all.. I have to keep blocking them all for months at a time, then I try to talk again and say sorry, but then they become over critical and I take it personally, I have a breakdown and I block them all over again. I'm wondering how to make my older sister understand, and my father who I told I had bpd but he just completely ignored me and kept talking about something else. Coincidentally my sister has a bpd diagnosis so they should be somewhat familiarized.. but I honestly believe she doesn't have it (sorry to say that, I believe she has something else) and my behaviours in the family aren't understood what so ever. Like they take it really personally and I don't know how to explain that like, when I speak to them for long periods I eventually critique myself too much and end up hurting myself in one way or another.

Im one year sober from alcoholism but talking to them often puts me at risk of relapse, so I've had to do what I've done. I want to explain to them how this disorder affects me and the actions I have taken the last 10 years with withdrawing for so long all the time, and that I can't take their harsh neurotypical expectations for my life to be perfect, normal, just go back to school you're 30 and you're getting nowhere in life, and stuff. In my mind, what I tell myself is, I'm able to work a part time job at a gas station, and that's a huge success! I don't want to be beating myself up from their expectations. 

How can I explain this disorder to my family? They often tell me I'm making excuses but this is no excuse it's an explanation and I want them to not take my hypersensitivity and withdrawal, mental breakdowns, personally anymore and they feel hurt and then angry when I try to reach out again, then I withdraw again, lol.