I feel like its unavoidable; at some point in my life it will be too much, I will have so little, and will kill myself. It seems impossible to think that, unless an accident happens, that Ill be able to survive to die from natural causes. Im not getting better, 5 years of a relentlessly horrible cycle. I'm tired and I want to die. My family will be crushed, I'm not ready yet, but I dont know how long it will take to reach that tipping point. Im so fucked up.