So I just wanted to talk a bit about how I'm feeling right now. I finally "got out" of a four year relationship, that has been abusive from both ends, and I thought I'd be suicidal, honestly. But I'm not. I'm not numb either, I just feel like I've moved on WAY too fast, faster than I was expecting.
My former SO insists on talking to me everyday and I just feel like I'm over it, I don't want to talk to them, fuck them, kiss them, be with them... And I feel like I'm being a cold hearted bitch for this. Especially when I was such a pain for them (suicide threats, aggression, just being an asshole all around), and now I don't want to talk to them? I half feel like I'm a psychopath, as they have told me I am, more than once. But I also half feel like I'm free to be someone new, someone who is not defined by their relationship but I don't know how to not be in a relationship lmao
Again, it was a shit relationship, they also abused me physically and psychologically, so maybe I'm just responding to both of these abuses, by them and by me.

I'm posting in this subreddit bc maybe someone who also has BPD and recognizes they've been abusive in a relationship before can help me understand these feelings. Idk, feels good to say something even if it is to no one.