So, thanks to poor working memory, I often forget exactly why some people have been kicked to the curb and should not be flirted with. I'm going through a bit of disappointment right now with someone specifically that... is unavailable and so now i've kicked my idealization of others in to overdrive almost like an unconscious overcompensation. My friends have suddenly become MUCH more interesting and sexy, my ex is looking delicious and that one guy that had questionable behaviour is now totally fine and should be fuckable, right? I'm just..... sick of this rollercoaster ride. 

It's like.... i'm hungry. I'm starving. And ANYTHING looks good when you are starving. Especially when there was a plate of food just under your nose and its disappeared, or maybe you pushed it away, but either way your stomach is STILL GROWLING. This disorder makes reality so.... just out of reach. I can know stuff cognitively about what is and isnt a good plan but its like.... I become an observer to increasingly thirsty and erratic and confusing behaviour. Im sad. I know that my behaviours do not reflect how I really feel toward anyone. Truthfully, none of these people are worth flirting with or risking a friendship for. I guess I should also mention that I am hypersexual (childhood molestation) and so sex is where i feel "Safe", it's what im familiar with and also the quickest way into someone's world and under their skin that I so desperately wanna climb into. Does anyone else relate to this feeling of desperation when like everyone becomes an option? No one and nothing is off limits and you just wanna emotionally, mentally, SEXUALLY devour the next thing that comes past? :(