tw/ I’ve (21f) dealt with s****dal ideation for at least the last 10 years, but recently it’s changed into just a desire to stop existing. Somehow, it’s almost worse. I’ve essentially stopped talking to all the people i considered friends because most of them are finishing up college while I’m working full time and barely keeping up with my online school program. I feel like an embarrassment and a failure for my parents for not being able to stay in school (conventionally). I’m just so numb now but not how I used to be when I would have ideations, it’s just nothing at all. I wish I could feel something and I wish I could keep up with personal relationships. I wish I could just cease to exist.