I don't know what's genuine anymore. I don't know if my current feelings are real or if it's borderline, and no amount of validation is helping. I am so angry, so hurt, so betrayed. I don't feel safe anymore, not in my own head, not around people, not around my friends.

I told him to change the subject, he didn't, I got upset and repeated myself. He turned it around on me, and said he hates this one word being used because it's rude and dismissive, I told him **before he started talking** that the current subject was triggering. He blamed me.

He downplays my problems but says he's allowed to draw boundaries. But then acts angry when someone else does. He talks to shitty people with shitty beliefs. He looks down on me because I was born in a Lesser Country because I couldn't help where my grandmother and her remaining family fled to. He was trying to excuse child marriage. He was trying to talk down to me.

I was raped. My rapist is a child predator. I shouldn't have to repeat myself! I shouldn't have to explain why this topic is triggering! I always have to apologize to **him**.

I want to kill myself. I want to hurt him. I want to die. I hate him. I hate all of them. I tried the suicide hotline chat because it's 4 a.m. and the counselor auto disconnected the chat. I'm so tired.