I just want to know if there's a way to make the fear of abaondment go away. I'm always utterly terrified that the people I love are going to waltz effortlessly out of my life, never to be seen again. I guess it's because it has happened in the past. 

My dad's been a distant soul in my life since I was 5. If my own flesh and blood can walk away, how can I expect other people to stay? He's been very inconsistent, only shows back up during my birthday and holidays. I run on the assumption that only happens mostly bc he can't handle the guilt. 

My first ex was someone I considered the love of my life. We were together for nearly six years. I was being cheated on and had to find out through a mutual friend. It was proved with photo evidence and everything. Still didn't have the decency to admit it to me either. Lied right to my face when confronted. I would've bet the farm this person would've never, ever done that to me. It was never once a concern. My trust was true blue, 110%. 

Ever since then, I've never been able to trust that effortlessly again. Even if I do trust, I just obsessively worry. It's with everyone. Family, friends, even my current (very loving and amazing) significant other. 

The anxiety keeps me up at night. It's like as soon as my head hits the pillow, the thought gates burst wide open and insane, detailed, over the top, dramatic, horrific scenarios start developing. They don't stop either. They typically even carry over to dreams.

Thoughts range from things like: 
"What if their feelings change &amp; they decide they don't love me anymore?"
"Are they sick of me?"
"Omg, did I make them angry?? I need to apologize ASAP"
"They never texted back to say they made it to their destination. I hope everything is okay, I should probably text them to check." Then after texting them my brain says, "Dumbass, why'd you do that? Now they could die in a car accident trying to reply."
There's honestly thousands. These are the more mild examples. 

I just want to have a normal brain. I can't stand the thought of people from my past stealing it from me &amp; leaving me like this. I know I am stronger than that, but I feel like anxiety is taking over my life, even though I try my damndest to control and/or alleviate it. Some months are worse than others. This is one of those months. Screw April &amp; screw October.