Currently detained in the psych ward. I have broken my foot while in here from kicking the door when I found out I was detained. I’m currently AWOL from work and way behind with uni. I haven’t spoken to my friends and family. I haven’t eaten or slept in so long.

I found out last month that my boyfriend/best friend (prior to relationship) has been cheating on me for essentially our entire relationship with escorts and has a porn addiction. After I found out, he begged for me back and I stupidly went back. My mental health that I’d spent so long building up crumbled away and my BPD has been in full swing for the first time in years ever since. I have been splitting like crazy on him and a few days ago he told me he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t want a relationship with me and I need to let him go. This was just two days after he promised me that we would be together and everything would get back to normal, that he’d do everything right this time because he wants this to work.

My head is SPINNING. I have never been abandoned by an FP before (I am usually the one who leaves due to fear of enmeshment) and I honestly thought this was a healthy and happy relationship. I was happy and healthy for the majority of it and to know that was based on a lie and betrayal is agony. And now I’m so fucked up that he has fallen out of love and can’t be with me.

My FP betrayed me and then decided I wasn’t worth fighting for and abandoned me. This is a BPD nightmare.