Family members have offered in the past: "Let us know what bothers you so we can try to help"  When I finally bring up these things, very calmly and appropriately I'll add.... I was met with a reaction and response of "You're just going to have to be more tolerant, I'm not sure what to tell you... Maybe I should just bring up all the things that you do that bother me, how about that!?".   Completely backfired and now I feel worse than I did before.... Why even offer to help?