i just want to get this sheer rage and hate off of me. i dont know why i have so much repressed anger inside of me, and its making me uneasy on a day to day basis.

i dont care if i go to jail, i dont care if i get killed for it, i dont care about anything anymore. i just want to kill somebody. now that i think of it, that would lead my loved ones to feel less sympathy for me, that being the chance i needed to just die. cease to exist. become a memory. a terrible memory. because thats just what i am, a terrible person that would only enjoy hurting just to make himself happier.

i want to know how to get this wrath off of my being. without hurting of course. i did that all my childhood already. i dont want to make the same mistakes.

ive had trouble with self loathing since i was the beauty of 9, when i was 10 though it did get a little better but now its just back to square 0. i am 13 now and i feel im already wasting my life. i havent told my therapist about this yet because i dont really trust her. either way, i didnt have a choice to get a therapist. she was assigned to me because of a crime my dad did (vandalism). guess it really is genetics.

if anybody has taken the time to read this, please tell me if i am the only one here that genuinely wants to get rid of their anger through killing. please.

fortunately i still didnt start hurting myself, although every once in a while i try to cut my arm with my nail. failing of course. thank god my immense hate for myself and everybody didnt affect the relationships i have with my family and friends. still, it did mess up my social skills.

any advice to make me not think about my selfish personality? or my anger? anything is appreciated. even a link to an ceiling applicable hook and a 8 foot rope.

thanks big time.