I had another argument with my mother a few days ago about the finances. I made the mistake of telling her that I have to look for myself as well.

I'm not employed but that doesn't mean I don't work. I made a pittance doing various online gigs. While it isn't enough to help out as much as I'd like, it does give me some options for improving my situation.

But it doesn't fit her traditional view of work, so it doesn't count to her. Whenever she approaches me, she uses loaded language and makes assumptions. She told me verbatim that I need to, "sign up for programs for people like me who don't want to work."

Things like this tilt me because I am working, but I am not making enough money to meet my needs and hers consistently. I work 5-6 days a week, pretty much any time I'm awake. There's no such thing as work life balance. Any conversation we have becomes an argument because she can't go five words without judging me unfairly without even knowing what I'm doing.

I tell her why getting and keeping work is difficult for me, and I'm just accused of making excuses. My problems and efforts to solve them are minimized. All I see when I look in her eyes is a judgmental glare. Immediately she turns every exchange into a pissing contest of whose life sucks more. I realize she doesn't care about me. She never cared really. If she did I wouldn't be in this situation.

She told me I am selfish. My teeth are rotting in my mouth and I am diabetic. I can't lose weight because of insulin resistance and I only have a few hours per day of lucidity which I mostly devote to work. I have no health insurance. That is to say nothing about the depression, CPTSD, and high functioning autism.

My family and neighbors think I'm crazy and have anger issues because I raise my voice at her. She has called the police on me and literally will fake tears in front of me only to go back to that same cold glare as soon as the cops leave.

I envy the people in similar situations who have accepting parents. That's all I ever needed from my mother was acceptance. I don't see the NEET lifestyle as the one for me. There's things I want to do, but I need to heal first. I can't help others unless I can help myself. I don't understand how my own mother doesn't understand that.

After this last argument with her I've accepted that she never will. I have a job interview tomorrow. I really am hoping to get an offer out of it. I am done with her. She's right, I am selfish. I dare to care about myself when no one else does. Every day since then has been a struggle to keep myself from falling back into old self-neglecting patterns of behavior.