I suck at explaining, It's been happening for a long time and i always just ignored it, Never tried to think about it or never tried to figure out what it was. As a guy, most of the time I tried to speak to someone about anxiety, my problems and all, it just gets ignored or taken too lightly, i don't know why, and i thought it could be a place to dump it all (not sure). 5 years back, i started feeling lonely and weird but I chose to ignore it. And then begins the sleeplessness, and explain it is soo dumb, it was like , i am too tired , want to sleep , trying to sleep ,my eyes are hurting but still can't sleep. It was like the brain was constantly thinking and thinking instead of being shut down. 
Few years later, the problem increased and i rarely felt happy. All i wanted is to wake up in a good mood , i started to keep myself busy and somehow that became my habit, just keep yourself busy so you don't think. 
I hate how my mind works, it's like frontend and backend of a brain, frontend is all the stuff I know and happening rn, backend is something my brain is thinking then even i Don't know, hence the reason of being sad/anxious for absolutely no reason. Like I'm having a great time and suddenly sadness out of nowhere.
Then i got used to it, used to feel neutral, no expressions no feelings for someone (not even my close ones), not wanting any partner. 

I thought getting out of college and getting a job would fix this , i got a great job and started living by myself but the problem is still there. I live alone now , no family, no friends yet. So it got a little worse. 
I haven't cried in years , i don't even remember last time i cried, and now i feel like crying all the time and i try to but still nothing happens, all i feel is a heavy throat. I don't know if someone would read this but if you did , thankyou.