I saw a [tiktok](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRMnH2EU/?k=1) basically saying every period of reckless partying, spending, and hyper sexuality is followed by the inevitable quiet grey period. I’m in that reckless period right now and I’m so scared of the crash. I’ve been blowing through my money and having sex with different people every day. I don’t care about myself and it’s scary how much consequences aren’t a concern of mine. Even though my apartment is an absolute disgusting mess with food and clothes everywhere and I have no money, I dress up and go out everyday buying shit I don’t need. I’m barely taking my meds, because I have no semblance of a regular sleep schedule so I always forget.  Sometimes I just don’t sleep at night and then crash the next day. I ordered a drink from dunkin and walked out after paying without even taking my drink, the person I was with had to stop me and I laughed “omg that happened yesterday!” . That’s because the day before that I got a coffee and walked out without the coffee after I paid and the guy had to chase me out “miss you forgot you drink!”. This is a red flag to me, my mind is somewhere else. I miss my therapy appointments because they’re at 10am and I’m just not awake. I feel like I’m so fucked up and there’s no way to fix it and get back to normal.