I just broke down and started sobbing.  Steady heavy sobs for at least 45 minutes. I was crying because an hour or more before I had asked my bf to make me a sandwich at a heavily inconvenient time to what he was doing.  I knew this, but was feeling particularly needy, while at the same time not wanting to feel that way and feeling bad about constantly asking for things and for help with things.  So I just sat and stewed for the hour and when he turned around he asked what was wrong and I broke. I tried to explain, but it’s so hard. All I could say when he asked what it feels like was “I feel tired and exhausted. And when I’m laying there and I think about getting up to do something it’s like any part of anything that makes anyone want to DO anything has left me. I have absolutely NO motivation. Sometimes when I ask for things it’s because I’ve sat for an hour thinking about it and I can’t make myself get up.” 
I cried more and he comforted me and was wonderful.  He did end up making me a sandwich, which was delicious. And he hugged me and told me he loved me and that none of this made him mad. I just kept apologizing and he told me he didn’t want me to feel sorry. That I wasn’t doing anything wrong.  I just am sad and feeling really useless. I’m still pretty wound up and I just want to crawl in a hole.  I have an amazing trip that’s about to happen. A dream come true for me, and all I can do is think about how I’m going to to mess it up. I don’t even know what I’m looking for here. Anyway. Thanks for reading.