I know I have about a dozen or so people in my life who love me, and who I love. I would do nearly anything for them, and I know most would do almost anything for me if i were to need them to. The thing is, my love is more utilitarian than what I hear it described as, or portrayed in media ( i know movies aren't real). For me, it's like i said, basically acts of service and being sad/upset if something happens to them, or angry if they betray me, or whatever like that. I don't often need help with anything, and am actually uncomfortable asking for said help... I'm not even sure where I'm going with that, other than to say I know people love me, but I don't feel it. They say they do, and do little things that show they do, but honestly it just doesn't make me feel it. I'm not even sure what it's supposed to feel like. My knowledge of their love for me is purely an intellectual thing, not an emotional one. I thought i had this better worked out in my head before starting this... 

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I hear that feeling loved is important in some way. I know I'm loved, but I don't feel it. I feel my own version of it towards others, but i don't feel it from others despite knowing it's there. And it doesn't make me want to die any less. If anything it makes it worse. I know there's something wrong with my brain. 

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So in a non-Haddaway sense, what is love? What is it supposed to feel like? Is it supposed to make me feel better somehow?