I got close to him again in the past weeks and it's triggering me in horrible ways. I haven't felt so bad since we broke up. When things are good he gives me so much validation, tells me that I'm the best person he ever met, celebrates my progress, etc. But things are starting to slip, and I'm so scared of the effect it's having on me. 

It's 6.30am now, I have been crying and screaming all night. Last night he texted me that he is feeling lonely. Tried to drop by at my place. I tried to explain that dumping his emotions on me like that is making me suffer and that I don't have capacity to help him. He got angry. I called to explain and the conversation really degenerated. He said some things that are really haunting me now. Reminded me of the times I was abusive to him prior to the breakup.

He admitted to lying to me when he helped me out during an episode last week. When he said he was happy to be there and help me. He said he didn't feel I deserve help because I go through this kind of episodes all the time. 

I need to get the strength to get him out of my life. I need to find the skills to cope through today &amp; settle my emotions. I'm sorry for the rant. I know it will pass, but it does feel like the world is burnig down around me  Genuinely grateful for any advice.