 

As we all know, one of the roughest experiences with BPD is maintaining and keeping relationships. This disorder makes it inherently difficult to express and perceive information accurately. I write this here more so as a reminder while I explain what’s up with this friendship I’ve got. 

I have a close friendship with another person who is a severe trauma victim and someone with mental illness as well. We have been trying to support each other and be there for each other over the last few years. We are both transgender, and while our experiences have been different, she can understand me on a level that most of my cisgender mentally ill friends cannot. That being said- often when she has a struggle or an issue, I don’t know how to help her. She starts to express stuff to me and explain and I jump to trying to solve the problem because I’m not sure what else to do. She’s told me she just needs someone to listen to her but that never feels enough. And because I obsess over fixing her every problem, it adds stress to me that I do not need. Additionally, she notes how I react to her expressing pain, concern, or struggle, and that pushes her away from expressing to me in the future because she knows I can’t handle it. We have had conversations about this over the last 3 years and she definitely is exhausted by explaining. I have no idea why she hasn't just left yet.

In the end, I don’t know how to be there for her, or myself. Especially myself. 

I refuse to believe that we, as people with BPD, will never be happy and never have healthy friendships. But that is what my trauma brain tells me all of the time. 

TLDR: My obsession with other ppl’s issues affects my friendships with them. How do I stop doing this? How do I notice the line between my issues and their issues?

Does anyone have any exercises for this? 

I am already working with a therapist on this stuff but am only able to have therapy every 2 weeks. Having a hard day today and need help. 

Thank you for reading this.