i hurt you when i don’t mean to. when i tell you all of my fears of hurting you. these conversations scare you. you’re pulling away from me because i can’t help but blurt out how i feel in the heat of moments. whether i’m anxious, depressed, angry, all of the above, or more. i’m sorry i say sorry every 10 fucking minutes. i’m sorry i feel like a burden - but need you so badly at the same time. i wish you understood what it was like for people who have BPD, but at the same time i’m glad you don’t because i wouldn’t want you to feel the pain i feel. i cant get what i want, which would be for you to just understand why i behave the way i do because of it. when i’m alone for too long, i crave the compassion of another person. when i’m around people for too long, i feel like a natural disaster hurting everything around me. i’ve been working on myself so hard not to hurt you. i worry you’ll wear out and leave me before i get better... and you probably will. i want to hold you forever but maybe i’d be holding you under water. i wish i could have a more optimistic view of us, but i don’t know anything other than being abandoned in cruel ways. i understand if you need to leave me - to make sure you’re okay. i just wish i was good enough for you to stay