Cw: work related anxiety. I’m sorry if I cannot disclose much about my job, hopefully it is understandable.

Hello everyone… 

Last Thursday, my boss told me they do not want someone that doesn’t contribute to the team, who doesn’t even give the bare minimum, or cannot understand the importance of a task.

I’ve been working on this 9-5 for over two years. The first year and a half went fantastic, with up and downs like any work, but it was overall good and satisfying.

Ever since January this year my relationship with my boss started changing drastically.

We had to prepare an event in which I got too anxious and also I had an injury so I struggled to complete my task. Everyone finished earlier than I did, and was allowed to go home early, one coworker who noticed I was physically struggling went to help me finish (my hands were so shaky stuff was literally falling off my hands, also I had an ankle injury that made me struggle to move)
my boss pulled me aside, told my coworker to go home and yelled at me for being too slow, that it was unfair that I was the only one being left behind and no one was going to slow down for me. I informed them about my anxiety issues and how the activity was overwhelming for me, that I was doing me best and coming up with solutions to my problem with my hands but my ankle was slowing me down. They made me come the next day, which was a day off, to finish everything and had me take photos, so I did.

The day after the event was over, they told me my participation was bad, that I was being too slow and wasn’t up to the standards, that I needed to be more serious. To all the feedback, I agreed and took accountability.

Months went on, and we had a meeting in which they told all the team there was an issue running in the company and what actions to take. Let’s say we have 50 tasks (each task takes months to complete), and we had to do everything in our power to stop the process of specific ones, but we also need to continue with our regular activities. When we discussed the tasks I had to stop, I asked them to double check them, as they were around 90% completed (my job is to mainly supervise the tasks are completed in time and form), and the people in charge already spent the money and time to do it, asking if there was any chance to postpone them for later or any frame to negotiate the conclusion so it benefits the third involved and us. They told me to just cancel them.

I informed the third party about the situation and our choice, and of course, no one agreed. I informed her so she could authorize me another way to handle is and negotiate. For some stuff she allowed me to negotiate, for others she told me to do anything humanely possible to cancel it.

Let’s say there were three tasks to stop, I came to an agreement with one, was negotiating the other two. One of those was far more important than the other, so two hours before my shift ended right before a holiday, they asked me to stay until I finished it and have a representative for the company assist me during a meeting with the third party. I stayed over four hours after my shift ended with this representative trying to negotiate this, and we couldn’t come up with a solution. Even the representative said they ran out of ideas, and since my boss wasn’t in the meeting or gave me any frame to negotiate, we couldn’t come to an agreement. The third party agreed to postpone it until I had an answer and provided me a list of solutions to review. My coworkers thought it was unfair that I was left alone in such an important meeting, my boss should’ve been there too if they were so interested in me coming up with a solution.

Of course, since I was so fully focused on this task, I couldn’t tend to the other.

I went on holiday (it is a national holiday so no one in the company was working), but when I came back, I noticed the other task was already completed. I immediately informed my boss about it and that’s when they told me they do not want someone that doesn’t contribute to the team, who doesn’t even give the bare minimum, or cannot understand the importance of a task. And the cherry on top is I just found a delay on two tasks just today, which I’ll have to inform

Since then, I am too anxious that I’ll be fired soon. I am scared of running into my boss and being scolded again. All day I am panicking. I can’t even sleep because of the stress it causes me.

I know I have contributed to my team a lot, and that I’ve done more than the required, because I’ve been given compliments by the corporate and coworkers and raises before and one error doesn’t define me, but even then, how do I even compete with the power my boss has over my whole carreer.

I can’t live with this stress, but I also cannot just quit because I am the main source of income to my family, two members being disabled, one being a full time student. 

How do you handle a bad relationship with your boss?  How do I handle the issues and scolding I’ll have tomorrow?