My boyfriend of 1 year and 4 months and I are taking a break for a couple of months. We aren’t broken up, so the boundaries are still in place and if there’s an emergency we can still contact each other. But there’s just something about “breaks” that make me so nervous. In general, I’m already someone with trust issues and thinking the worst. And I always hear that people take a break as a time to be single and talk to other people. And even if that isn’t agreed on, sometimes that’s still what happens. Which is what a part of me is worried about. Like I don’t think he’ll cross my boundaries/cheat.. but at the same time I’m like but it could happen and it’s giving me so much anxiety. It’s making me not want to do it at all and fully break up(i don’t actually want to) only so I can avoid the possibility of that outcome. Even though that outcome would just mean it’s not meant to be.. I still wouldn’t want to go through that you know? Which I think is understandable. 

We also stopped sharing our locations so that I wouldn’t stalk his location and be worried anytime I see he’s anywhere but home or work.. which you can imagine makes me more nervous because the mistrust in me thinks he might use that opportunity to go places he shouldn’t be, and then I wouldn’t know. 
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It would really suck to go months not talking for the better and then find out or be told some messed up news that’ll cause us to have to break up. Of course, if that were the case, then it would just be for the better.. but I hope it won’t be annnd I do have some confidence that it won’t be. I’m hoping he doesn’t lose feelings either, but this I have more confidence in that he won’t. It’s just that we’re always together and we’ve always been together.. and we met during covid.. so from the beginning we’ve been like 🤞🏼So to think that we won’t be, makes me think “oh, is our relationship/feelings as strong as we think it is to be able to have a break and come back to each other stronger instead of losing feelings?” .. I think it is that strong.. and we’ve had times that has proven that. Cause there was a point where I was worried that because covid rules were letting up we’d drift apart. But we didn’t :) But it’s just like, what if this break proves it isn’t? That’s what I’m afraid of. Idk. 

he’s been more than reassuring that he won’t do anything to hurt me, nor does he want to.. and that if his feelings changed he’d let me know. 

I’m just going to have to try and not focus on the fact that he might do something to hurt me/lose feelings during this time. Try to build some more trust and confidence in myself and trust that our relationship is strong and break won’t change that. Hopefully this break and me trying to build more trust isn’t for nothing or to just be hurt in the end either.