What do I do???? I try to think objectively at my behavioue and thoughts and came to this conclusion. Thanks God I have good introspection.


So, I used to see this guy I was in love with. We had sex multiple times and I was so so so lost for him. Then he couldn't stand me anymore (yes I made some mistakes and he didn't want a relationship), he made his best friend insult me bad, they blocked him and it's almost a month I don't know anything about them. 

I was broken, I startes having dreams about him apst every night, I dreamt him, dreamt about being pregnant, dreamt about losing my teeth. I started wishing to be pregnant so that I had an excuse to meet him.

An excuse to make him suffer like he did to me, an excuse to ne angry. And I took two pregnancy tests. First one was invalid and it made me lose my head more. The last one was negative.

Part of me is relieved I am not pregnant for real, but another part cannot CANNOT accept and end like this to our "relationship".


Today I think I became psycho, I ordered from Amazon those fake tests that come out positive to prank people but I am thinking about using them to make him believe the child is his. I hate him so much and I want revenge and I want to make him understand he cannot treat people like that, I have a dignity and I'm not stupid and I want him to suffer so much for an aboortion that is not even real!! (He is pro life)


What do I do?? I am ashamed because I'm not taking my meds for some months now and thought everything was going good