I just seriously can't tell if I have the worst luck known to humanity or if the BPD distracts me so much even on a subconscious level that it makes me oblivious to little details that would prevent certain things from happening.

PLEASE read this and tell me if normal people deal with this sort of thing. I'm convinced my luck is horrific but it's probably the BPD. I'm just really not sure.

I seem to be able to navigate typical social situations with a laser focus and I notice tiny things about people and pick up on vibes, etc that most cognitively normal people can't. I am clearly missing something and I don't know what it is, why does it feel like I'm constantly being fucked over by things that feel out of my control?

I've won money twice this year in raffles at a couple events. I *desperately* needed the money for survival, like rent, etc because I was short that month. The first time I won like 200 bucks and *immediately* blew out two tires and had to buy new ones to get to my garbage job. Like seriously. Less than 24 hours after cashing the check.

The second time my grandma entered me in a church raffle (funny because I'm a staunch atheist). I won 150 bucks. While pulling *out* of the parking lot of the church with cash in pocket I got pulled over and handed basically a 150 dollar ticket on a super questionable traffic violation. Like the nit-pickiest shit ever.

And that's just two instances. Stuff like that seems to happen to me constantly, and especially when I'm in a good upswing building "momentum" and rediscovering some hope for the future. Tons of stupid things will happen at the worst possible times ever, and it doesn't seem like they happen to anyone else at such an alarming rate.

I KNOW logically that it's me. Somehow it's always me, and I can take responsibility. But how many fucking tiny details is a normal person supposed to focus on to get through a day, or make progress in any way shape or form? I must seriously not have the emotional or mental capacity.

I feel like my brain creates blind spots on it's own, everywhere, to prevent me from getting emotionally and mentally overwhelmed. And those blind spots, the moments my brain saves it's ability to see detail in my circumstances, end up being the thing that screws me over. It feels totally out of my control. Help.

  


  
