I dont know what to do. I feel like i feel shit on a level i dont know how to explain. Someone not holding the door for me or being short with me sends me into a spiral. By the end of a normal day i feel like dying. Im constantly analyzing how people are viewing me and dealing with me. It makes me want to die. I don't know how to function normally. Ive self sabotaged every job, friendship, relationship. How am i supposed to function in the world? I dont know how to do this anymore. I feel like everyone hates me and i know its my fault. They always love me at first and then its a  self fulfilling prophecy. Idk anymore. Im sick of falling and getting back up all the damn time. I just want to be stable for a long time and have the deep knowledge that ppl actually love me and give af about me