Or care about me. All I feel is guilty. I feel like a burden or a charity case or a job or a disappointment. Or an impending disappointment. A bad investment. An obligation. Dead weight. It makes me feel awful. It sounds so cliche but I get it now - I feel so undeserving of the love and support I get from my friends and family. I haven’t done anything to warrant any of it. It honestly sometimes makes me nauseous with guilt, like it’s so confusing, I truly don’t understand why anyone cares about me and it genuinely feels so wrong to accept any love or support that it makes me queasy. Like I’m accepting an award that I know I didn’t win but there was a mistake so everyone thinks I did, so I go along with it even though I know it’s wrong. Like I’m committing fraud. Like it’s dishonest, or like I’m taking advantage. I’ve been an overwhelmingly awful friend, unavailable, needy, whiny, distant, flaky, only ever taking, always needing, and never being for anyone else what they’ve been for me. Always being the broken one. Always taking. Only taking. And I don’t deserve any of it. And they all deserve better.