I'm just a sorry sack of shit. I have all this time and I have my parents support and money and I'm just wasting all of it. I'm lying to them. I'm lying to others. I have no motivation to do anything. Others would kill to be in my position. I don't want to work. That's all it is. I'm a lazy bastard and whenever I try to improve myself there's a million things that go wrong that are out of my control. But what's the point anyways I give up on the first sign of trouble and even if I don't everything worsens until I have to give up.

I don't deserve to live. I'm a pussy. I certainly act like one. I deserve to die and rot in hell. I've always thought that if I kill myself it would hurt my parents but who knows maybe they'll get over it and at least then they don't have to deal with a lazy asshole like me.

And all of this while feeling like I'm entitled to everything. I feel like I'm entitled to a love and sex and satisfaction while I know that I don't deserve any of them. I don't even know why I'm angry and discontent about not getting a girlfriend or studying something I like. I dug those fucking graves. Me. So I deserve all of this. I deserve every single bad feeling and bad thing that happens to me. I deserve it. Can I take it? I don't know. Maybe one day it'll boil over and I'll finally do it and everything will be over. Maybe then I'll finally be happy and peaceful. God I can't wait for that day to arrive.