I have to try really hard not to be controlling, manipulative, jealous. Sometimes it slips out.

My mental health and general misery is real, but I've noticed it has also become my habit for getting sympathy, which I feel like will keep them with me.

I hate when my SO travels, goes to social things without me, or just works with people of the opposite gender. I just keep trying to hide it, not "act crazy" and say something stupid.

An ugly part of me feels like the second they are outside of my sight, or my "control", they will find someone better, or come to their senses.

Instead I just internalize it the hot feelings, and hate myself more.

I have frequent nightmares of being left, or cheated on, etc

I think I'm this way because deep down I know they deserve better.

I don't know what to do; it's so overwhelming and comes from so deep inside me.

Oh, and I'm a complete hypocrite, because I crave attention from the opposite gender, and get crushes, and have almost cheated before. I'm fighting to control it a lot.

Has anyone experienced this? Have you found any ways to cope and overcome?