It's May now. It is hot and bright and it feels like my town is exploding with color. It feels like I'm being mocked. Winter is easy to live through- it's dark. Most people expect you to be in a daze when it's cold and dark. Now the air is almost as heavy as my legs and the sun is so bright it feels unnatural. I feel like I'm trapped in a snow globe or something, just beyond the emotional state required to enjoy summer. When I'm at school I want to be at home, and at home I'd rather be anywhere but here. I was in the bathroom today, trying to pull myself together enough to do any of the five projects I'm behind on and I realized that I'm back there again. I made a post a couple months ago about the edge of the void, and how comforting that place is. Now I remember what it's like to begin to slip down the steep walls encircling that void and the panic and despair it is to hang there in that balance. To attempt to will yourself to keep living. Only issue is that I have no reason *why* it just happened. The whiplash was incredible. Im not exactly in that frantic spiral at the moment, but for a good few minutes I was. I just never want to feel like that again. Why must I feel like this? Did I do something? I'm so tired.