[TW for child neglect] I’m just looking for support I guess. i had a pretty neglectful childhood and was never taught that you’re supposed to brush your teeth everyday. when i was maybe 12 or 13 my mom took me to a dentist randomly who was VERY mean to me about the condition of my teeth, and then when my mom found out how much work i needed she became very angry and verbally abusive. She would then force me to let her brush for me because I “wasn’t good at it” and those became some traumatic moments for me for various reasons. It didn’t last long before she was back to neglecting that, though.

Ever since then i have had extreme anxiety about both my oral health and dentists. I suffer from major depression as well and find self-care routines unbelievably overwhelming/ exhausting. I still have never established a brushing routine at 25 years old and frequently forget for several days in a row. I have gone weeks without brushing before. I went to the dentist maybe 2 years ago and had a lot of work done but then i had to ghost them because i used all my insurance coverage for the year and it was March, so I wouldn’t have more insurance coverage until January. They wanted me to pay out of pocket but I just couldn’t do that at the time. 

I need to go back but i am so anxious about what they will say both about me ghosting them but also me just completely neglecting my teeth since I stopped going. I wake up in the middle of the night with a pit in my stomach thinking about my teeth. They don’t visibly look bad or hurt, but I know they’re not in good shape. It is something I think about every day to the point of having panic attacks before. The thought of called the office and telling the receptionist I need an appointment after I haven’t been in for a year and a half makes me feel physically ill, and I don’t even know what the dentist will say :(