I feel like I'm the worse person to be around, I complain a lot (mostly because i was always treated unfairly in life so I've developed a unhealthy pessimistic view on life), everyone around me gets annoyed whenever I talk too much, I'm always alone on holidays because everyone expects me to invite myself to gatherings, which imo is a sign that I'm not actually welcome since if I do go, I just get treated like an outcast practically. I used to be so nice and humble but now I'm just incredibly bitter and scowl everyone around me for living a better life and/or being happier than me. I've planned suicide numerous times and had urges to put loaded guns im holding to my head and pulling the trigger and the thoughts still haunt me every waking moment and get worse as my depression kicks in harder. I honestly don't even know how I'm still alive at 26. Sorry if my post is an eyesore, I can't vent anywhere else since I just get told to get over it.. which you know, makes me wanna die even more.