So I've had BPD since I was 14 and I feel like sometimes it really turns me into an awful person, especially recently, and I for some reason feel obsessed with revenge. In college, I got bullied by a group of students who used to be my friends. I was suicidal because of how they treated me. I tried getting "revenge" by texting them telling them I wanted to kill them. At the time, I didn't think what I did was that bad but as time went on and I recovered, I realized that was a fucking evil thing to do. But then, a long time after they were out of my life, they started cyberbullying me again. And of course, I retaliated being even worse then they do because I'm an idiot. They posted a lie about me on this viral twitter account and basically told others to go harass me, so I did the same thing with an even worse lie on the university facebook group, which got me banned from the group. I just feel so wracked with guilt and feel like such an awful person. I want to be able to forgive myself but I don't know how.