I hate that I have this diagnosis because it makes me feel so so guilty for having any sort of emotional slip-up. My partner is 100% not responsible for this I am choosing to actively behave this way for the sake of a good relationship. Whenever something happens that makes it so we're in a conflict I re-think things 10 times before speaking a good 95% of the time as to not let my emotions influence the way I handle things too much. Any slip-up and in my head I slap on the BPD. I have so much guilt. He can afford to be petty and defensive and have human reactions and it bothers me because I never dare to because of my diagnosis and it's not reciprocated but I don't blame him. I'm glad for the effort I make and it's made our relationship better but it gets so exhausting having to be the level headed, open person all the time or else my head will immediately start screaming "BPDDDDDD"