I wasn't meant for life. I wasn't meant to enjoy friendships, a healthy social life, any girlfriends, or be an overall attractive human being. I'm short, ugly, worthless, and have nothing to offer other than being an annoyance to my family. I have no skills, I'm an absolute moron who's also a stupid hypochondriac, loser, and virgin piece of garbage who brings nothing to the table. I also am ridden with acne and acne scars that have completely pissed on my self esteem. I'll be graduating HS really soon yet I'm more depressed than ever. Why can't I be happy I'll be graduated soon? Oh that's right, it's because I have no real life experience AT ALL. I am a complete and utter failure and disgrace. I'm 19 years old and I don't even have my damn license yet, never had a girlfriend because I'm too much of an ugly and anxious bitch to fix it. 

I'm sick and tired of looking at the same damn mountains, the same damn walls on the same exact damn house. I want to change and feel at peace just ONCE. 
I no longer enjoy working out, eating, or doing anything else productive other than showering, making music, writing boring and nerdy fiction stories like I'm a damn 9 year old, and going to sleep. Yup, that's my life. Look up cancer statistics on the internet as well and diagnose myself with all sorts of stuff and my day gets ruined by the constant anxiety of death. Ironically enough, my fear of dying has caused me to have thoughts of suicide.

I don't want to die, I just want to find meaning and purpose as to why I'm even here. I've also been homeschooled since I was a little boy, not knowing how the world socially operates, what to say, what not to say, and what the world looks like outside of my little hometown. Seeing others my age living and enjoying life, being with others, not having a care in the world, and possessing good and useful skills that will help them in their adult lives hurts me, because I'm none of that. It's getting tougher and tougher to keep my mindset positive. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. 

I'm so damn lonely the only friends I really have are the characters I write, and I cannot believe it's gotten to this point of pathetic lows.