I have had my bpd symptoms under control for a few months now for the most part with only a few mental breakdowns but I have mostly been numb. Recently I started hanging out a bit with my ex fp’s sister and got to thinking of him again. I was crazy in love with him, we hooked up for months but he didn’t want a relationship and I took that very hard last year and barely got over him a few months ago. I haven’t seen him in almost a year and we haven’t texted in months until a few days ago and now I am thinking it was a mistake. It was just a quick little catching up via messages but I keep finding myself looking at his photos online and rewinding moments together in my head. I also started going a lot of places with the same people I went with before around the time I was in love with him and everything reminds me of that time and how horrible I felt. I feel like I have to keep myself in a bubble so that I don’t trigger myself again because I already did yesterday and it lead to a nasty meltdown. I hate living like this, constantly having to be careful of what I do and where I go so that I don’t remind myself of people and things from the past because I might get upset. The worst part about it is that I am not sure that I am over him anymore, I never fully stopped thinking about him, just stopped imagining being together but I fear that might come back. I am hoping it will noz because last year it destroyed me. Bpd sucks…