**Triggering post that talks about dark thoughts.**

I have bipolar, extreme OCD, and ADHD. But I have few to no compulsions. I have thoughts like needing to close doors or say certain things to make sure other people I know will not become damaged in some way. I also post and delete hundreds of reddit posts, but sometimes I can resist that. I drive thousands of miles a day sometimes, just back and forth over a certain stretch of highway. I have need to organize and clean everything to complete perfection.

Now I'm starting to suspect that I have *severe* mental impairment and the only reason I can speak and communicate is because I'm faking it. Sorta like imagine a race car VS a really fast car with no engine that was sent down a long hill.

I'm also in extreme mental pain, indescribable amounts of pain. It's unbearable. I often think it's real, but I also think it might be imagined pain.

I have gotten no help. I've been in therapy for more than 10 years, since childhood. I'm 22 and 100% disabled. I live at home and my family situation is tense and unstable. I am hospitalized every other month for thousands of different issues. I am falling apart, and I am clinging to life by a hair. I am a walking corpse. I have over 10,000 different undiagnosed diseases riddling my body. I can feel them everywhere.

I would go as far as to say that I am one of the most mentally incompetent people of all time. I believe I have broken the world record. Not a troll post, I'm just really fucking tired atm because my sleep schedule is nonexistent.

I'm going to post this but because it is longer than two paragraphs I will likely have to delete and repost again 30 times in other subreddits. I am not allowed to post longer than two paragraphs or else I get extreme anxiety about thinking no one's going to read the post and I'll miss that slim chance of someone having helpful advice about recovery.