ever since December last year, my anxiety has gotten so much worse that I can't even bring myself to see my boyfriend anymore
there was a certain point last year where i wasn't doing too well at college, i started to avoid attending because i thought i was doing the work wrong and i thought the teachers hated me because of how bad i was doing, eventually i stopped attending all together, and only started to attend online, feeling this intense guilt that I'm letting my parents down, my teachers down, etc
I just avoided everything because I felt like I wasn't good enough
And getting the bus there which takes an hour, to sit at college from 9 am to 4 pm while feeling incredibly anxious the whole time and not talking to anyone because it was that bad, the idea was just exhausting itself

at a certain point I wanted to start attending on campus again, but it wasn't so easy, every time I'd get dressed and ready I would start overthinking, from the way my outfit looked to the possibility that my teachers will be disappointed with me when I get there etc, eventually that just caused me to have a breakdown and stay at home instead
there was also a point where I was supposed to be meeting my boyfriend in town as well and the same thing happened, I got dressed, did my makeup, and at the last second I would over analyse how I looked, I would think of worst case scenarios, getting on the bus scared me and I genuinely thought I would get jumped by someone for the way that I looked, which caused a breakdown and I ended up staying home. I had to tell him about it all and he was already waiting for me in town and he went home upon finding out that that's happened to me. afterwards I felt guilty that I basically wasted his time.

6 months ago, he got a job and that meant I couldn't see him as much anymore and I would have to go to his place to see him, in the past 6 months we honestly haven't seen each other that much and it's saddening for both of us. 
I rely on my parents to drive me there, and their attitudes don't make it any easier for me. I've only managed to see him a few times because their attitudes and my anxiety don't mix well.
I don't feel like I can even trust myself to pack some stuff that I need to bring to his or get ready to go to his, for some reason the process overwhelms me and I keep overthinking what I might need etc, and then dealing with my parents to try and get them to bring me there feels overwhelming as well
I feel like I'm burdening them, there was a point where I would ask them if they can give me a lift, and they'd say yes, so I'd get ready, and then suddenly they change their mind and say "no just get the bus" which obviously makes me upset because I can't get on the bus by myself recently, even though I really want to make the effort to get on one to see him. they also keep making comments that make me feel discouraged from seeing him, saying "why can't he just come here" when it's not that easy for both me or him right now because of the shifts he works, or just acting like they don't really want to give me a lift which makes me feel guilty and I feel like a burden to them for it, which only adds to my anxiety. 
Im just so upset that I have to rely on others to do what I want to do, and that I can't see my boyfriend as much. everything just overwhelms me and i feel like it's putting a strain on us. I honestly don't know where to start, or how to make things better for myself. 
I also feel like an awful person because of my moods, like I'll make plans with my boyfriend to go around his, and his parents know I'll be there too, but then me not showing up just makes me look like an awful person and again I just feel guilty about it all. I just can't deal with the amount of guilt and pressure and overwhelming feelings that surround me right now and I don't know what to do. I can't even open up to my counsellors about what I'm going through because there's so many feelings that arise everyday for me that I can't put them all into words.
what do I do ?