There are so many illnesses mentally that I have. But I never got the chance to get the diagnosis. I’m now a 21 (f) stumbling through life trying to figure out if my pain is real or if it’s for attention. I’m trying to figure out if I’m really having a manic episode or I’m overthinking. I’m trying to figure out if my room is messy from depression or laziness. I’m trying to figure out if I’m having a panic attack or just being dramatic. I’m scared to get diagnosed because I’m afraid it will be worse than what I think. I just power through the days I have to work. I smile and put on this act that everything is okay but on my off days I drink. I try to sleep so I can stop feeling like this. And once more. I’m trying to figure out if that makes me an alcoholic who can’t accept the truth. I’ve been like this since I was 14. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not.