I said something unforgivable to my fight during an episode with my S/O about a week ago. He told me to shut up because I was crying during an argument and he wanted to sleep. Out of rage, I snapped and said something awful that I won't repeat, but he has made it clear that it crossed a line and he is unable to forgive me. 

He tried to move past things, but today told me that he doesn't see me the same anymore, he resents me for blackmailing him into staying with me, and that what I said is probably something he can't move past. 

I convinced him to give me another chance but honestly I feel so fucking terrible about it that I don't know if I should just do him a favor and leave. He probably wants me to. It's just so hard, every time we've broken up I stop being able to care for myself. I stop eating, brushing my teeth, showering. Just lay in bed all day, think about how much I want to kill myself and how empty life feels without him, and replay the memories of when he used to love me. 

I don't understand how people can have breakups and just shrug it off, it's my worst nightmare, all that time invested just gone. All for nothing in my eyes. 

Where do I even go from here?