I am afraid of any commitments in general but I realized that I keep postponing therapy because I'm afraid it either wouldn't work or that it would make me realize I am not the person I thought I was. I feel my identity is not stable because I spent most of my formative years being anxious and inactive and not committing to anything, and therefore the only thought that gives me hope is that it's all transient and will eventually change. 

However, I'm starting to have doubts about this and partly because of feedbacks I heard during therapies. I feel like I have the opportunity to change but I have been postponing it for too long and now all I have left is what I have now. Poor physique, no career, no relationship etc. I feel like the real therapy for me would be someone kicking me in the ass and forcing me to move out of my comfort zone and discover my strength. I need strength, not safety.