I feel like I’m drowning and I know I need to swim but my body won’t let me, no matter how much I yell to just freaking swim, I can’t, my body won’t listen. I’m not struggling against the water, I’m almost fully under but just enough room to still breathe, but I know I can’t stay in this position for long. Eventually I’ll sink or swim, but for the time being Im stuck here. 


I haven’t gone to dance class in over a month, I can’t muster up the energy. I can’t muster up the energy to do much, I know I need to wash my freaking hair but it’s like a wall is blocking me from just getting up to do it. Brush teeth, shower, brush hair, just do something. I called in sick to work and stayed in bed for a whole day. I need to eat, but it’s easier to starve. I’m a teacher and I feel like I’ve lost my passion for everything, including my class. I don’t want to talk to my family, they are dealing with enough stuff already. 

I’m so frustrated with myself for just not getting over it, just doing what I know I need to. I either feel nothing or extreme emotions. I’m quick to anger or tears or manic energy. I know my mental health, I recognize it’s a flair up, but I’m just falling further into this stupid hole. I just want a magical pill to fix it, I want out of my head. 