For five years I treated Bipolar Disorder with Lithium and Prozac, but not happy with where I was I reevaluated my meds with my doc and discontinued the Lithium and instead started treatment for ADHD with Adderall.  (All these mental illnesses seem to overlap).  And found better consistency with my impulse control.  Glad I tried it.

The treatment has been going well, but something I am still chasing is my erratic emotions.  And how I can regularly feel very polarizing thoughts in a short amount of time pertaining to very emotional subject matter.  Generally it’s Romantic relationships, where I live, and what I do for work that triggers intensely polarizing negative emotions and send me down rabbit holes of doubt.

For example in the morning when I wake up I might not want to be in the same room as my girlfriend and think irrationally that I could never marry this woman and I NEED out.  The sadness can lead so far as suicidal ideation.  Hours later having dinner with her I will feel the complete opposite.  How could I live without this woman what an opportunity it is to be with her.

While most 34 year old men are buying homes, having children, and knee deep into their careers, I am always at step one badgering myself in a polarizing way if I should start a new career, be single again, or move across the country.  

How can I stop being so sensitive and have confidence in a route and stick to it.  My emotions control my life and it’s a torrid ride rife with career changes, cross country moves, and two year romantic relationships.  

I don’t like being on lithium, it is not healthy for your body long term but it might be the numbness I need.  Maybe there is something else I can try.  With Borderline they say therapy is a big part of the process.  Kinda lost here and looking to maximize my next psych appointment by thinking about some of this stuff beforehand.