Long story short, I got in an argument with a family member. The accused me of being a leech and have made it clear they basically think I’m just a lazy slob. I left my job almost a year ago due to covid and also GAD. Ever since then, I’ve been doing housework everyday and helping my sister with her online classes. She has adhd and sometimes needs help understanding things and staying on track. What little money I have I mostly take us grocery shopping with. 

For the past few months I’ve been trying different medications for my anxiety. I’m currently on cymbalta with no success so far. Anxiety sucks because it’s largely invisible. I struggled so much when I was working. I was constantly panicking and feeling sick to my stomach, I could hardly sleep most nights. On the outside though I’m sure I seemed fine to everyone else, but on the inside I was deeply unhappy and actually became suicidal. I remember in the winter thinking about taking a bunch of sleeping pills and laying down in the snow. After that, I soon left work and those thoughts subsided. 

Despite how glaringly obvious it is to me that I have severe anxiety, I understand how on the outside I just look like a lazy slob. I feel so much guilt for taking up space in my mothers home. She’s my best friend and I love her so much, but I want to be able to give back more. I’ve considered selling some of my stuff online for some money (I have some antique teacups and jewelry and stuff). I might be getting a computer in the future to try to take classes online, and with it I’m hoping to learn some computer skills. I like painting and have been told they’re good enough to sell, but it’s expensive to buy materials with money I don’t really have at the moment. 

I’m hoping I’ll find a medication for me soon, but until then I don’t really know how to take this guilt off of my shoulders. What do you guys do? I’m trying to think of skills I could pick up or something but I’m very limited.