CW: SEXUAL ASSAULT!!!!! For some reason, the tag doesn’t work when I choose it. 
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Ive been trying to keep closed off about this but right now the status of my extended family is very unstable due to generational trauma and something bad occurring amongst family members. This happened to my niece and honestly I’m very fucking torn and feeling heavy about it as it’s bringing up wounds in me  I didn’t even know I had. 

Life is just so strange and different right now. I knew my family had its problems but never anything like this before either. I hate it and it sucks. It’s all hearsay, he said this. She said that. Blah blah blah. Today it all just made me really angry and maybe I told my sister things I shouldn’t have cause now my mom runs the risk of not seeing her granddaughters ever again. But again I felt like maybe I had to(?). I don’t know... I’m so confused and terribly lost. 

On top of that, my weight loss journey has taken a standstill. I don’t think I can love again because my heart is completely blocked off. There’s these walls around me. I love my parents but they have so much shit and I don’t wanna be like them and I’m aware I’ve been very unsupportive and in my own world anyways. I don’t have anyone — other than my ex and maybe one other friend who I am connected with on here, there basis. 

Again. I think I need to go back to therapy again in order to discuss the tragedy and hardship occurring in my family but also to once and for all, address my own issues and get through it as best as I can so I can be a better person and healthy adult. — it’s all so much right now. I don’t have anyone else (deservedly so— it makes sense. I’m an attention whore. I don’t know who I am.)

 I just know and have to trust in the fact that everything happens for a reason and I hope we all can move forward from this with peace and may 2021 bring true healing to everyone, but especially to my sister, my brother in law and my niece. ❤