I’ve lost my grandma a while back, I know a lot of us deal or have dealt with losing a grandparent because it’s expected. But not this.

My grandma was really young early sixties she married early and her children also married early, she basically raised me.

She was my youngest grandparent I always imagined her attending my wedding, helping me with my own kids, picking furniture for my new house because that’s her favorite thing to do.

But no I’m denied all of that she’s gone, and I can’t even be sure I’ll meet her again…

I’m in constant fear of losing another person I love and I just feel myself pulling away more from them, what’s the point of love if it’s all gonna go away someday..? 

I’m so unhappy with every aspect in my life and having to grieve just makes everything even harder.

People expect you to “move on already” but you never move on, I should be “back to normal” not snap at anyone not grieve anymore not be affected by it anymore but I can’t.

Am I a bad person? Is that why I can’t go back to how I was before? I’m not sure if I’m asking too much from the people around me.

I want to disappear and either be brave enough to do it or be brave enough to unburden my family and those around me with my existence.