Hey guys. I’ve been having a really rough time and I actually almost killed myself recently. I’ve been feeling shitty for a really long time, but I’ve reached a point where I feel more hopeless, jealous, angry at myself for being such a loser, and and tired then I ever have before. I’m gonna try to fix my main issue, loneliness due to social anxiety disorder, before I consider ending my life again. If by next year I make an improvement to the point where I’m at least somewhat  happier and content, I’m gonna actually try to live another year. And I’ll just keep doing it again and again. This probably sounds a little lame but I’m not in a position to care. I have trouble making friends and socializing period in irl, but I was hoping to give making friends online another shot. 

I swear I’m not as negative as I sound, I’ve just got depression is all. One of the reasons that I came to this sub to make friends is that I’m hoping it’ll be easier to make friends with people who might at least somewhat understand me and share some of the same struggles. I love the few friends that I do have so dearly, but I constantly feel like my mental illness and everything that comes with it will eventually push them away and I’ll be all alone again. 

So here it goes: I have major depression, dysthymia/persistent depression, and socially anxiety disorder. I’m studying cognitive neuroscience and sexuality and I looooooove it. I like tutoring and on the rare occasion that I feel pleasure doing what I love, I like to play minecraft, crochet, and play guitar. I also like pop punk music, music from old Disney and nick shows, and other random shit. although I’d like to go to parties and stuff more than anything in the world so that I don’t have to always be excluded from my friends, my anxiety is really bad and I wouldn’t be able to handle it. But I still like to hangout with ppl and have deep convos, be fucking dumb as hell with my friends, go out to eat, and just chill. I’m mostly looking for people around my age (17-22) who are also genuinely looking to make friends. Hopefully ppl will respond to this bc I’m actually genuinely excited and hopeful about something now for the first time in at least a year or two.

I know that this isn’t a great advertisement for myself, but I guess that’s kinda the point. I want people to know what they’re getting themselves into, so I won’t feel like their slowly becoming turned off from me once they finally start to see who I am and realize what it’s actually like to be friends will someone with social anxiety and depression

TLDR; lonely college student who’s high key depresso seeks other depressos and ppl who have a hard time making friends bc of mental illness (I feel like the beginning of that sounds like a porn title but oh well I guess)