My mom is dead, she died one year ago, my father has girlfriend that doesn’t really like me for no reason and he is neglecting our relationship for her. In summary I don’t have parents one is dead and the other one is only interested in his new family. I have my grandma that I love very much, she is the only family I have. The thought of her dying is fucking with my mind. She is not sick but getting old. I’m scared I can’t loose her, I’m constantly depressed and in pain because of the fucked up family dynamic. I feel like I’m a burden to my father and grandma will not live forever. By the way I’m 23 on medication, I’m studying and have some friends but it is so sad and dark. I don’t remember how it feels to be happy I’m pretending all the time that I am „normal”. Recently I have more thoughts that when grandma will pass away I need to go with her. Also I really miss mom I want to meet her again