I’ve been depressed as long as I can remember (I’m 28 now). As a kid, I was super emotional, bubbly, and warm. I suffered a pretty traumatic childhood, which caused me to lose touch with my emotions and empathy as I self-isolated and stopped socialising as a teenager. 

I’m trying my best to heal now, but incredibly distressed by how little I care about other people and don’t feel affective empathy. It makes me beat myself up in every interaction, punishing myself for not responding empathically enough or not caring for my friends enough. I have breakthrough moments where I feel empathy, but they’re rare and more often than not come by watching people in videos online. 

Terrified I’m actually a narcissist / sociopath kidding myself this is depression when a lack of empathy is a core symptom. I desperately want to be better and able to be there for people.