i'm an online college student and i recently just started working part time again. my anxiety has been getting a lot worse but i kept pushing myself bc i have to do normal human things in order to survive. i was really proud of myself for doing better than i thought i could.

but i started to get worried about all the time my adhd was costing me, and when i started working again i felt like anytime i wasn't doing school i was wasting time, like if i didn't cram it into every second i had left of the day i couldn't possibly finish it all. i'm only taking around 10 credits rn, idk how i'm going to survive my next semester.. idk how people do this.

since starting up work again i've had panic attacks almost daily. mild ones sometimes, but usually i wake up every morning hours before i need to in the middle of a panic attack. 

the passage of time terrifies me. anytime i'm not doing school work i'm terrified that i won't be able to get it all done. i rarely ever make or find time for anything else, i don't feel like i have the time. now that i'm going to work again i'm losing even more time, i'm having to work even harder to keep up, i don't feel like i can do it. i love my job, but i wake up and just dread having to go. i live in constant fear of it, not because of the work but because of the hours i feel like i'm losing because of it. i've been getting terrible sleep, migraines, nausea, and i'm constantly one breath away from a breakdown.

i think it's time to start seeing a therapist again to get some control back, but i don't feel like i have any time to spare in order to see one