Hello.. I’m a 24 y/o m. I have three daughters, two of them by two different moms, my 3rd is a step daughter. They are my life and the reason I’m still alive. I was diagnosed with depression at 16, stopped the meds at 19, stopped therapy at 20. I’ve never felt like the medication helped me, and ultimately the three therapists I’ve seen had all been unproductive. I’m a corrections officer, I enjoy what I do. I love my wife and my kids, I love the house we live in, I love the life we have created for ourselves. But I still have the dark thoughts every day. I cry privately at work and at home. I don’t even always cry because I’m not doing well in my head, sometimes I just cry because I’m feeling too many emotions. But taking my life is something that’s always on my mind. Sometimes, like now, it’s completely unshakable. I’m considering going back to therapy and getting back on meds but I have flashbacks of when I was doing all that before and I just don’t want to waste my time. My family and the necessity of providing for my family has ultimately been the biggest reason I haven’t done anything drastic but I feel myself inching closer to the edge every day.