no more stream of consciousness flow to another, constantly draining them. It was so hard last time, a friend of mine, wasnt at all a friend, I later learned I was absolutely nobody. I banked on his help for getting a great internship after uni, only for him to tell me to fuck off. I may have come across gay because of the bpd, then my long distant friend who fell for me, I dont have feelings like that for her, I think, I finally just quit letting it all out to her.

I'll probably end up completely alone by the end of this year, not sure if this is coping, just constantly reminding myself no one cares and to just stfu.