i am 16f and have been diagnosed bipolar for about a year. i’ve been hospitalized 3 different times, the longest and most recent one being a 3 week stay from nov-dec 2021. i’ve been on more meds than i can count (zoloft, concerta, abilify, clozapine, seroquel, lithium, adderall and more) since the age of 13. and im on a wild cocktail of meds that just keeps getting raised.

i am currently on 900mg of lithium, 400 mg total of seroquel (taken at different times throughout the day) 15mg of adderall XR, Yaz for my PMDD, and the highest dose of melatonin for insomnia. i just feel like it’s never going to end. 

im a junior in high school and i’ve had to transfer out and into a private online academy because of the way this illness has effected me. i’ve been trying so hard to improve and even though my therapist and family see improvement, i still feel the same. i just want to go back to being “normal and happy” but the more i look back, the more i realize that normal and happy never existed.