Does anyone have any experiences fighting with your adult siblings? 

I’m 22(f) and have two older brothers, one is 26 &amp; the other one is 29. Growing up we got along, however I have a lot of childhood memories of them bullying me, for example I have a lot of childhood memories of my family joking around (very funny, inappropriate family) and when I would jump in and add a joke my brothers would say “you killed it” which they meant my joke wasn’t funny enough for the conversation it killed the entire conversation, and I used to cry and beg my parents to make them stop doing that, and it didn’t really ever stop until we grew up.

They also had their own struggles both when they were in high school that really impacted me, gave me reputations as their younger sister &amp; caused a lot of family fights


Fast forward they both go to college &amp; im the youngest home alone and our family dynamic changes, my one brother went to school far away and we didn’t see him often, both my brothers made it a point to not come home from college during winter breaks or summer breaks because “home isn’t healthy for them” which is valid but also was hard for me because they missed so many important events of mine.

I felt like as the youngest I went to everything, supported them, and went to all of their sporting events or literally anything is half my childhood memories, however they did not even come to my high school graduation. 

My one brother claimed it was because he had used all his vacation days to vacation with his girlfriends family (even tho he traveled with them every year multiple times a year for years, missing one trip would not have ruined his relationship with his gf) 

My other brother claimed he was “never invited” and didn’t have a flight even though my parents would have paid for his flight there.

They both agreed it’s called “being the youngest” and that I have to understand as the youngest they’re not going to support me like I supported them by showing up? Which like idt is good logic???

It was awful. I’m still not over them missing it (four years ago) and looking at the crowd and seeing only my parents after my whole life being at every one of my brothers events, my brothers have yet to actually apologize for missing my graduation, i didn’t talk to my one brother for about 2-3 years because he claimed he didn’t come because he just didn’t care, and instead of either apologizing they both claim they had valid reasons, and totally invalidate the feelings it caused and the tension it caused in our relationships and just blame it on me being mentally ill.



Fast forward I just graduated college, I was supposed to be in Europe all summer on a trip (I never travel because were not rich, but my brothers travel the world with their girlfriends families who pay for it, literally I can’t describe the fancy vacations they take every year) so this summer was a really big deal for me. Also I transferred college multiple times and CANT BELIEVE I graduated let alone with the gpa I did, and received grants &amp; awards for my work. I literally can’t believe it. College was so hard for me, my bpd only worsened and somehow I managed to do it with a major &amp; a minor in 4 years. I’m really proud of myself.

Now I’m taking a break, because of covid, because of my bpd, because I wanna go to grad school but know being this mentally ill I won’t succeed. So I’m living at home with my parents who have put 0 pressure on me to get out, they want me to be healthy &amp; happy and my dad just wants me to focus on figuring out who I am, wants me to learn new hobby’s and has bought me some things to do that, I just started drawing and I’ve been doing really well.

However, my oldest brother will not HOP OFF MY DICK. I literally had to leave my family group chat because he constantly sends me private texts and texts in the family group chat asking why I haven’t gotten a job yet, him and his girlfriend have teamed up on me (theyre both very type a, linear thinking ppl) and they frequently pressure me to move out of my parents home &amp; get a job, even though my main priority is waking up and not wanting to die. I’ve expressed multiple times to them that that’s not support and it’s actually creating me more anxiety, Everytime they text me or call me and try to pressure the job they’re so mean about it they say things like “well why can’t you just do that it will take 10 minutes” not understanding that a task for them that will take ten minutes may require me two days to get it done in a healthy matter. I’ve asked them to stop, they won’t stop and then blame me when I react upset because it’s so triggering when they pressure this job when all I can think about is trying to survive. My parents have also explained its not helpful and asked them to stop.

The last time they did it was directly in response to me sending a link to a website with my art that I just created. I was really proud of this, he said nothing about the website and instead said “its June _ so hows the job search going”.  In the family group chat, so I had to exit the group chat because I’ve asked him to stop doing this &amp; he won’t &amp; the family group chat has now just gone on without me for a ~week.

I don’t know really what to do at this point or how to express to them that that’s not helping and I’m in fear it will lead to the type of fight missing my graduation led to which lasted years and my family never got together or had a good relationship reslly during those years without massive fights being involved.

Does anyone have any expierience with their adult siblings similar or any advice how to explain to them that it’s not helpful? I literally have expressed it so many times to them and I’m losing hope on having a relationship with them moving forward if they cause this level of anxiety.