English isn’t my first language so I apologize for any mistakes. 

I’ve been seeing my current therapist for about a month but we haven’t really talked about my trauma, caused by a rape some months ago. I mentioned it and she wanted me to talk about it and I also wanted to talk about it but I just couldn’t say anything about that, I got so anxious and felt so ashamed. 

Yesterday I had another appointment with my therapist and decided that I finally have to talk about my trauma. So I got drunk before, because when I’m drunk I can talk about everything and I don’t get so anxious. And I finally was able to do it, we talked about my trauma, PTSD and how it affects me. I don’t think she realized I was drunk, but I’m kind of worried. I have a drinking problem and I hate the fact that I have to get drunk to do things I’m afraid of. 

I don’t even know it this whole post makes sense, I just wanted to vent. 