everytime i try to be brave and tell myself things are gonna get better soon, i'm reminded what a fool i am to think i deserve good things. i'm so deep in this shit, it's gonna take me atleast 10 rebirths to sort myself out mentally and emotionally

do i really deserve nothing good? really? love, hapiness, peace, freedom... all seem like alien concepts. rather i'm scared of them because everything i love gets hurt. everyone i love gets punished

nothing's left to lose now and nothing i gain is gonna free me from this feeling of suffocation. maybe some people are meant to live like this. maybe i'm one of those

god forgive me, i'm sorry but maybe it's true, maybe he does owe some of us explanations if not apologies. i know people have it worst then me. i truly do. i also recognise that i have a few materialistic benefits that most people can't even think of affording but what's the point if i have to cry myself to sleep every night? what's the point of them if i'm so broken i can barely survive my own mind?