I feel like I have something similar to body dysmorphia but with some differences.

I'm obsessed with what I look like but it's not obsessing on a particular feature, more like trying to validate myself through my appearance and constantly looking in the mirror to see if I'm real, to see if I'm good enough.

I feel like I split when it comes to my appearance - somedays I think I look amazing, other days I think I'm a hideous monster that should live in a cave.

I also struggle with having no idea what I actually look like, I can't picture my face in my head.

And finally (this bit is really fucked up) I have a photo of myself on my phone at all times and a photo of a very overweight girl. I used to be fat myself and I don't dislike fat people at all, I actually hate how society treats people who are overweight. But it's like I use these two pictures to reassure myself 'okay I'm not her, I'm me, I'm thin, I'm ok'.

I feel like this might be related to the classic bpd sense of identity issue.

Anyone relate to this?