This is a rant. I was diagnosed with BP2 late last year but I've probably had it my whole life. 8 months and multiple med changes (I had the generic test and looks like I metabolize everything very very fast) and it works for a while and then stops working.

2 weeks back I had to stop all drugs because I seem to have a very rare occurrence of facial dropping which doctors don't understand why and they are trying elimination method. I'm going crazy without medication. I was super depressed last week and I woke up Monday morning with energy , loving my life and feeling excessively hypersexual. I cannot control my urges at all and it's eating me from within. I can live with hypomania but I'm scared of the next crash where all the plans I've made will fall through. 

I can't keep up with consistency. I see my therapist twice a week, psych every 2 weeks and I also see rheumatologist because I also have autoimmune causing chronic pain. Like what else is someone supposed to do! I'm doing everything by the book. Withdrawal from medication has taken away all my hunger and I haven't eaten in 2 days. I pretend to put up a facade at work and now I don't know which is the real me, which is the masked me. 

Is this how rest of my life is going to be? I have a 4 hour plan with my therapist saying I won't act on my sexual urges for 4 hours but it doesn't die. Is this common experience with other folks with Bipolar. How do you keep yourself safe. I get tested after EVERY partner since I have extreme anxiety about get stis and my GYN said she will fire me as a client if I dont get this under control.

I'm very upset 😭