I'm so tired of the fake smiles and fake happiness. People only want to be around me if I fake being happy so that way I don't bother them with my feelings. Because, apparently, the fact that I could feel upset or depressed is just something that gets in the way and bothers everyone else. Who cares what I feel, right? Well I'm tired of it. I'm going to be alone for the rest of my entire life because I just don't want to pretend to be happy anymore, but nobody will ever enjoy being around someone like me who is so obviously depressed and lonely. 

All I want is a girlfriend to play video games and watch anime with. I grew up being told that I would never be good enough for women, that women despised men who showed any signs of sexual interest, and that I had to perform and make sure I pleased women in order to appease to them and make them approve of me. As a result, I've lived my entire life in fear of women and have avoided them. I don't want to offend women, but I can't pretend I don't have sexual desire, so therefore in my mind, the fact that I exist is just a reason for other people to be offended and upset. How can I not feel like garbage knowing that?

Why do I even bother being on this Earth?