Hi. I know this is a long shot, but I'm at the end of my rope.

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Since I was very young, I have heard voices. Terrible, terrible screaming and flashing lights in my brain – they're very difficult for me to adequately describe. I've been told by many, many doctors that I do not have psychosis, although I have what they call "psychotic symptoms" (If I'm totally honestly, I have no idea what the difference between the two is). We have no idea what causes them. Sometimes, for short periods of time, medications will work, and then, all of a sudden, they stop working and the voices come back. Nothing we do helps or makes them go away, and sometimes they just.... come out of nowhere, out of nothing. I've been on 26 medications in 6 years at last count, and countless different combinations of those meds. I just don't know what to do anymore – my life revolves around these "breaks", and I can't *live* like this. I'm so tired and ANGRY at them for taking my life away, for making it so that so much of my time is spent trying to deal with them rather than actually living. Even when they aren't here, I'm so scared that they're going to come back, and send me back into the abyss. I'm scared one day I'll stop being able to tell what is real and what isn't. I don't know what to do or who to see – I want to fight them, and I want my life to be good, but I can't LIVE with them being in my life.

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I just... I don't know what to do. I don't even know why I'm here or what I'm expecting.