I will preface by saying that I’m not 100% sure that my friend has BPD but I highly suspect it. We have been going through a rut recently and I am deeply contemplating calling it quits for my own mental health. In the past she has done things such as guilt tripping, being passive aggressive, getting mad at me for little things because “she cares a lot about me”, ignoring me in public. All of this behavior she has either denied or said that it wasn’t her intention. But over time unfortunately it has opened wounds that I cannot close anymore, just let them heal over a long time. 

I’m slightly at my wits end. We also have extremely different mindsets on life and important psychological issues for me. She’s immature and emotional whereas I have become very mature during a seemingly short period of time and have done a lot of growing. 

The issue is that I don’t want to continue the relationship since I’m not happy anymore, but I know she does. We took a break a month ago (not an intentional one unfortunately) and afterwards she told me that she has never felt as sad as she did during it and that she cannot bear the thought of us not being friends anymore. 

Unfortunately the friendship isn’t salvageable since I’ve mentally checked out and my opinion of her has changed into a negative one and that greatly impacts our interactions. However, how do I end this friendship without harming her further? She has a fear of abandonment and she isn’t very close to her family thus considering her friends her family and deeply attaching to them. How can I rip the bandaid off and not leave her blaming herself, since my intention is for both of us to evolve but separately, not me to trash her and save myself