It probably isnt. But when i have self-harmed in the past, or have gotten a really low, suicidal mood, I felt keenly aware that this wasn't ME. You know, like the normal part of you that you recognize is different than this while you're feeling it. Like i was in touch with the fact I was self harming, but I was acutely aware that this is something I wouldn't normally do. 

I feel stupid for asking this, but I've thought about it too much not to try getting feedback. :/