I don’t know what I’ll do in the next few years, I’ve been out of school for most of my life ( I’m 17 and homeschooled, I haven’t really socialized in maybe 4 or 5 years ) so my social skills are trash and I have no friends and for almost most of my life, even before the pandemic, I’ve been completely isolated from other people. Sure there have been a handful halls or parties or my mother dragged me to where all I did was was sit in a chair for 3 hours begging no one to talk to me because I didn’t know how to talk to people ( my mother being a big root in a lot of my problems, taking me out of school at sixth grade because it’s our culture to not have children Americanized by taking them to school and learning more than they need to ) and family gatherings but other than that, that’s it, and I hate it. I hate that the last time I was invited to a birthday party by someone who wasn’t apart of my family was six years ago and that I’ve never been around a group of people without my mother being near me, I’ve been denied so much by my mother that I have no one and have to vent to strangers on the internet, it’s depressing, I’m a loser by every definition of the word and that’s the only personality trait I have because I have no idea who I am, I’ve never had any chances to learn who I am or what I wanna be or if I even have a personality. Every day I question different parts of myself, my lack luster intelligence, my looks, my degrading mental state, my personality and it’s painful, so so painful and I have to keep this all inside in fear of being shunned by family, even though they’re such an enormous reason I feel this way because I have no one else to talk to. There’s so much more to this, so much more that I don’t wanna type out. I just wanna fast forward to time where I have faces I’m actual okay with seeing on a daily basis or where I can go outside alone without having a panic attack or can talk to someone.