He has renal cancer and possibly something in the chest, we're not certain yet. I'm terrified, and feel selfish in the way that it's made me think of myself as well as panicking for him. My anxiety was doing pretty well until we found out, now it's spiraling all over again. I'm on the brink of meltdown every minute of every day. My mind is everywhere.

Definitely doesn't help that I'm noticing lots of bruising on my legs recently. Lots of small ones but a few big, ugly, purple ones that I don't really remember how I'd have gotten them. My head's instantly jumping the gun to things like leukemia and I just want to cry, constantly. Even when I *know* it could be anything to do with iron or even thyroid, etc. Health anxiety doesn't let you think that rationally.

I'm so tired, I'm cold, and I'm scared. It's not fair.