I am 39 freakin years old and should be well over the "i feel different from other people" thing from my teen years. But honestly sometimes I just drag my ass around my house all day feeling sad and angry that I was born like this, or exposed to whatever made me like this super early in my life, because I am fucking exhausted. Being constantly worried about disasters and abandonment is fucking terrible. It's illogical. The anxiety, depression, OCD, emotional craziness, the PTSD...it's killed off most of the energy I had for doing the things I really wanted to do in my life. It's like a half-existence that I'm probably never going to get over being disappointed by. I was always a really idealistic ambitious person and it's taken me until now to finally start accepting that I probably can't do everything I had planned and I have to take what I can get. Fuck that shit, but it is what it is. I am trying to make the best of it but I am depressed that I have to make the best of it, since I didn't do anything to become like this. It wasn't a bad choice on my part or something I did to myself. I've been emotionally dysregulated since I came out of the womb.