I’ve never posted in this sub before but I’ve been suffering with anxiety since childhood. My anxiety also told me to use a throwaway acct incase people I know think it sounds like me lol. 

I just wanted to get an idea of if anyone can relate to me and my vicious cycle of anxiety. I’m a woman in my late 20s. 

for the record, this is only one of the many ways my anxiety presents itself. 

I’m in a loving relationship with my partner and we live together. He’s amazing and I trust him completely. Sadly, my anxiety starts to spiral multiple times per week because of texting. I know that we are so beyond the point where texting matters in our relationship, but when my routine of chatting with him a few times a day feels interrupted, I start panicking. It’s very severe and embarrassing.

First, I start to go over all of the conversations we had that day when we were together and pick apart if there were moments that I may have said something off putting. Then I start piecing together if there are several things that I’ve done that are slowly making him consider leaving me. Sometimes I google if there have been any car accidents. This is just if I don’t hear from him for a normal amount of time, like a couple hours. Then, and this is the worst part, I start to vent to a few of my friends. I start spiralling and rambling that he doesn’t care, that I’m
not important, that he has other priorities more important than me, that he’s going to leave me, basically everything bad. The last step is hearing from him, always something sweet and affectionate. This is when I wish I could take back everything I said, because my anxiety shifts to thinking that my friends now think I have a shitty boyfriend. Usually, they tell me it’s my anxiety and that he loves me, but I worry that my frequent anxiety attacks will make them think he’s a bad guy. 

After all this, I’m exhausted. Just completely drained. Things will feel ok for a while and then the same thing happens again. At this point, my embarrassment after my venting and worrying feels worse.

I go to therapy on zoom once a month and take meds but i clearly need to do some adjusting with my doctor