30 Male
I am from a conservative country and moved to the US few years ago. I was suffering from Insomnia die to Mirtazapine withdrawal which led to 4 years of depression and anxiety. Then  I started taking Lexapro 5 mg and Mirtazapine again to treat insomnia and depression and was quite successful. 

My sex life 
I had very limited sexual experience. My libido during these depressive 4 years was up and down and then I hooked up with a girl who really me and had really good time for a month which raised my libido. Then I started a serious relationship but she won’t have sex before marriage. In 2021 I didn’t have sex and just focused on my mental health.

In 2022, I got off my medications when depression was gone and I still had insomnia but I was feeling really good. I always wanted to have a lot of sexual experience. I met this Mexican girl who was really into me, I had sex with her but I decided not to proceed with her since I didn’t connect with her. I always wanted to date American girls but didn’t connect with most of women. Then I met this hot American girl who is so nice  and very sexually experienced. When I got into bed with her, I got distracted while having sex (and also due to lack of experience) and lost my errection, I was able to get it up again but ejaculated in 2-3 mins. I tried again but I lost erection inside her vagina. She was very understanding and hugged me. I went back home. I had depression, anxiety and insomnia rebound the same night. We met again but I was exhausted and couldn’t maintain my errection. We don’t have a future together but we still decided to date short term. I shared with her my anxiety which she understood well. Now I am trying to make my sex life work with her and we meet 2-3 times a week. We talk a lot on chats and we invest good amount of time. She is like perfect girl non judgmental and very easy going.
She is also seeing other guys and I would have not cared but now that I have crippling anxiety it just makes me feel down when I think about it. I keep thinking about my dick all the time which makes me feel really anxious.

I started Lexapro 5 mg and Mirtazapine again to ease my anxiety and it is helping with anxiety but it’s probably gonna take time before I feel really good. I am also seeing a therapist. Now I actually have SSRI induced ED which should go away in some time but not sure how much time it’s going to take. Last time I took Lexapro, I only had sex once but that was after a year I started taking it. Now this wait time is making me anxious and the fact she is sleeping with other guys. 

What is making me anxious?
1. Obsession with my dick and it has lost the hardness after that one event and now ssri side effects which should go away but  the wait time is making me anxious 
2. When we cuddle,  make out and she feels horny but I can’t have sex. She doesn’t ask me to have sex but I can sense her 
3. Sometimes her message will scare me
4. She sleeps with other guys
5. My insomnia which lead to lack of focus 
6. I am missing out on a lot of fun with a hot girl which I always dreamt of
7. I restarted anxiety and sleep meds again and they come with side effects.
8. I get really scared when girls show interest in me. I am a good looking guy
9. How am I going to find someone in the future long term since I am already 30

What I want?

1. To have a normal sex life and stop my anxiety meds soon

My possible options 
1. Take viagra and have sex to counter the side effects of SSRI and my anxiety. It can build my confidence and if I get successful then I should never have this problem. And then stop taking anxiety meds. Not sure how effective will be viagra and if it doesn’t work then I will feel even worse.

2. Stop seeing her and take a break from dating to improve my mental health. Find someone who I am really comfortable with after feeling better. But my depression can get worse since I will have no sexual encounter by then and I will be very anxious about my dick again when I get close to her.