I just wish that people could understand me and how my mind works. I just wish that people could complete understand my pain and what I go through on a daily basis. But that will never happen. No one will ever understand how much hate that I have for myself. The jealous that I feel on a daily basis when I see people with normal looking bodies. 

I wish this pain could end. Both this physical and mental pain. But neither will leave me unless I leave this planet. I always wish that i could sleep forever. My dreams are the only thing that keep me just a little sane, whether it be sleeping or daydreaming. 

And for some reason, I have people telling me that I’m overreacting to the situations that are happening in my life. Trust me, I wouldn’t be fucking complaining if my problems were minor. I would be able to fix my problems if they were minor. But mine are major problems with no answers to solve them. And that’s what people don’t seem to understand. They tell me to think positive thoughts and that everything will be okay. That’s all bullshit if you ask me. Nothing in my life will ever be okay. Not even close to it. I live in an endless loop that i wish that i could get out of. 

And before anyone mentions it, therapy and medications wont work for me. My problems run deeper than just my brain being fucked up. My whole body, inside and out, is fucked up. I want out of this crazy ride. But like I mention before, the only way to stop the madness in my life is to end it. That’s the only time i wont be in any pain and finally have peace. 

I just want to be happy and that’s the only way that I can achieve that.