I've shared various mentions of the troubles within my breakup on here since December. It's been a long process of learning, coping, grieving, realizing, forgiving, frustration, sadness. You know...

I over analyze the past like a literary buff breaks down a novel. I think back on it piece by piece and structure it in my mind. I especially focus on events in this past relationship where I made a fool of myself and there was chaos. It was embrassing Bc most of them happened in the presence of my close friends...but my boyfriend at the time was there too. 
It would be too long to go into detail about each event, but they resulted in a rage like scenario where I would break something, yell at everyone, create a scene, etc. My friends would be confused at how I got to these points. 

I was confused myself. Why was I acting like this? (This was before my BPD diagnosis). My conclusion tonight: My boyfriend would always do little things to make me angry and he knew they would. He told my best friend he thought I was BPD...and he didn't tell her that he knew how to trigger ppl bc he researched it online. 
So his game of trigger starting began: 
Over many months, he would stir me up for me to make a scene for three different close friends to witness. After one, my friend was scared of my yelling and my ex comforted her and took her to his place, acting like "ugh your friend is so horrible..you stay here with me (the boyfriend) and he is not allowed to come in." I think she was ignorant about the emotional abuse he had been doing all day on me to lead me to a blow up. It made me look like I was psycho, when he provoked the whole thing on purpose. He wanted my friends to turn against me. 

He would get me worked up privately with really mean things, and then when I got upset, he would secretly put me on three way calls to let his friends hear me blow up, I later learned. I was always confused why his tone changed from before they were on the line, until after they were listening in (unbeknownst to me). He would go from yelling to really calm, just so I sounded like the loud, irrational one. He confessed a few months later that he did this all the time to "let his friends hear how crazy I was."  I would have been fine if he hadn't pushed me to my point of lacking self control. It's like a child pulling a dog's tail...the dog keeps growling and warning it doesn't like it...child keeps doing it... And someone pulls a video camera out and only films the dog snapping at the child. Everyone thinks the dog is nasty from only that perspective when they see the video. "Bad dog!" "Oh poor innocent child!" (Assume the child knew it was riling up the dog). 

These incidences built up to our breakup. He had his friends backing him bc they only heard my point of anger. My friends had only got to see that for the most part too bc the ex was good at hiding his buildup to get me to anger. 

We broke up with a climactic scene that once again, he knew what he was doing. He even had txted me "I will fuck up your life, just wait."
The thing with me is I wanted to see the best in him. I was disappointed with his antics, but still in denial of this "set up" pattern he was doing to get me worked up. 
Months later, he has told people this and that about me to ruin my reputation. It's hurt, but today, he sent a text. A certain trigger from his text made me realize a lot. I haven't got a text from him since December. I was surprised when I got a "i made it into [anonymous college]." Seemed innocent, but random that he would message me.
I actually felt happy for him, thinking this was his way of sending a peaceful olive branch to show no hard feelings..as neutral as a message it was. 
I responded, "congrats! I'm happy for you :)
Are you still planning on the same major?"
Never a response. I started thinking he read that as sarcastic but I truly want the best for him,
regardless. I think he wanted to get my attention on him to look at his facebook to see the 300 "friend" likes for his status on his college acceptance just to be a sort of "haha, I'm making it loser." He knew I would probably look if he got my attention...and it worked. 
He's turned so many ppl around town against me, telling about my "freak out" moments without explaining why they happened. 

Morale of the story: I think BPD are very caring, loving people. We try to work through our feelings of abandonment, rages, impulses. But, sociopaths like my ex scare the hell out of me. They are vindictive. We might get angry in some spontaneous moment, but these others plan out premeditated vengeful things that can continue months later. They use our vulnerability to their advantage. We might act out, we might get depressed, we might act needy...but we are nowhere near as dark as that kind of person. Revengeful actions don't seem common with BPD, from what I've heard...but these other sociopath types have this permanent grin of "I'll get you soon enough." 
I guess it's best to be friendly and not let them trigger a scene like they seem to want. It's like ammo against you later.