I also have OCD which manifests as intrusive thoughts and thought cycles, so this probably largely has to do with it.

I'm on Paxil for my OCD+depression and it's done wonders for me.

But I still get these fucking waves of intense intrusive thoughts of how one day my family will die. My mom. My dad. My grandparents are getting older--they're cornerstones in my life. What if something happened to my sister. What about the day we have to put our dogs down? My entire heart is like cramping right now and I'm sitting at my front desk job trying not to break down into tears. I feel like I can't breathe. I can't live without my family. I can't live knowing I'll have to live without them some day. I wish I didn't feel everything to the umpteenth degree. I wish I could believe I could move on from lose but it would ruin me. This is me, spiraling, right now. But it's what my brain pushes me to do. I just absolutely hate this. I want to pause everything. I don't want to get older. I don't want my family getting older. My dogs. I want this, forever. It's the only thing holding me together.