It’s so frustrating because I know the things I need to do to be better mentally, there are healthy things that I love that help me so much when I’m breaking down like drawing or walking, but I’m at a point now where I realize that even being self aware isn’t enough. I will literally tell myself to get up and draw and instead my brain fights it as if it WANTS to feel that way and that’s honestly the worst part, because when I feel stable again I know I want to get better so why would I fight things that are good for me.

I need to get therapy, possibly even medication, but why is that shit a fucking privilege dude it should not be this fucking hard to just stay alive.