everything feels like its ashes im trying so hard to make myself get up and get to work and make food and function as well as i can normally pretend i do

i miss my fp hes fucking 10 hours away and he just left and hes the only only only only thing that makes me feel genuinely okay and like i can really be normal and he keeps getting upset with me because im saying and doing shit that i wouldnt if he were fucking here

it feels like my brains rotting and i just wanna sleep till he gets back