I can hold off but eventually I'm going to have to let it out and end my life. I'm quickly becoming an alcoholic. Haven't had a day sober from booze in a month and pot in 2 years. Failing all my college classes. Huge disappointment to my family. I feel good for two weeks then it all comes crashing down for a month. Been doing this almost 10 years. Can't keep going. Therapy, medication, partial hospitalization has all failed. Got about a teaspoon of hope left.