A little background about myself:

I'm 25f and my anxiety has been increasing exponentially since highschool. My program in undergrad was physically and mentally straining, which caused me to start having panic attacks, vomiting, etc whenever finals rolled around. Surprisingly, I'm fairly put together at work and my anxiety has never affected as an employee. However, I live a 1.5 hr bus ride away from downtown and I would get panic attacks almost every morning before leaving the house (on top of that I get horrible motion sickness). Magically, once I got to work I'd feel better. 

I knew my anxiety was significantly worse than when I was in school and I started taking sertraline. Once I got used to it, I felt more awake, less irritated, and overall less anxious. After a year of working, I went back to school to do my master's and didn't have any big episodes bur had my sertraline dose increased because I built a tolerance.

Back to the present:

I've been basically living with my brother, finished school, and going for walks with the occasional friend since the covid started. Now that things are opening up again, my very close friends planned meetings at the park and I've had to go meet clients - all taking the public transit. It's been well over a year since I've taken the bus or the metro and I've been having full blown panic attacks until I arrive at the destination.

It probably doesn't help that the weather's been in the mid-30s and my mask makes the sensation of being suffocated during panic attacks that much worse. I've gotten off the metro twice to vomit and it's getting a little ridiculous. 

I'm moving home at the end of the month to start a new job and I'm already feeling super anxious about my long commutes. After the recent episodes I've had on the metro makes my heart race even more when I think about my future commute and even just getting on a plane to move home.

I don't feel like the sertraline is doing much for me anymore so when I go home I will ask my doctor to slowly take me off it. I will also look for a new counsellor or psychologist to reevaluate since its been a while.

Anyway, does anyone else start feeling anxious when they think about situations they have to be in that's triggered their anxiety before? Do you have any tricks to keep your mind off of it?

I didn't think my symptoms could get worse, but they seem to increase every few years and I dread thinking about having to possibly live like this for the rest of my life. My anxiety is giving me anxiety...

Thank you if you've read my rant &lt;3 I've been in bed all day trying to recover from yesterday's wave of nausea.