I have no fear of physical intimacy. In fact, my most bpd trait is probably my "promiscuity" and my hypersexuality. I've never had a real relationship and I don't really mind. Recently, I started dating someone and I've noticed myself becoming physically turned off and almost disgusted by their affection. They want to take things slow and "get to know me". I'm already losing interest to the point where it pains me to respond to their texts, but they mean well and I don't want to hurt them. I feel like they're being clingy, but I think that they're just trying to form a meaningful relationship. Obviously my thought process is completely irrational but I can't escape this destructive pattern. Is this an expression of abandonment issues- just expressed differently than your average BPD?

I feel like a martian.

Edit: I should probably note that I become deeply infatuated with older, unavailable people. To the point where I confuse it with love and live through the intensity of the feeling, thrive through the very passion of it. It makes me feel alive. But it's unattainable, and that's what drives my desire.


