What's wrong with me? I feel like I can't live in this world. I don't feel like a man, so what am I? I'm 31, been rejected so many times in the past by the opposite sex that I just gave up cause I want to protect myself. Had friendships that I valued ending because I feel I'm too sensitive &amp; I doubt myself so much about my decisions to end these friendships. I'm heartbroken, lonely and can't look at myself anymore and see hope. 

I don't understand the world. I can't be like other people. I had beauty in me that kept me going but experiencing the world just shattered everything. I can't laugh at disgusting jokes, I can't keep it together when a deep close friend I'm fond off is being hit on with sexually suggestive behaviour from someone that has a girlfriend. I can't be friends anymore with someone that I deeply loved that for a small mistake I was sorry for, emotionally and verbally abused me with name calling, threats that instill fear and they act as if nothing happened and for them im abusing them cause i bring it up cause it left me scared to the core. And I start to wonder if it was really abuse or just something normal that I can't handle cause it seems nowadays everything is wrong and right at the same time and I can't find an answer to anything. 

I'm just not fit to live with people and its giving me anxiety to even get close to someone even online. No I can't be sexual with someone unless I know them very well and got to have a connection with them, but it never happens cause its just not how everyone is and I need to be sexual after all these years. I don't understand casual sex, because how on earth do you go to that stage already with someone you barely know and entering someone elses world like that cause you're horny? I don't understand normal and I just can't do any of it.