   I am (19F) I don’t think I have ever been manipulated so cunningly. I do have to say, I must admire the wit that went behind such a plan. I know a player when I see one, but I chose to ignore bold red flags because I just wanted a rebound or someone to have fun with. Let’s give “him” a name and call him, Farquad. Did I have my suspicions about him throughout the time I was seeing him? Yes. Am I really stupid? Also, yes. Did I know that there is an entire post dedicated to brainstorming “how to get rid of a crazy BPD girl ASAP”? Not until today. 

   You may be wondering, how do I know the reddit post was about me? It lined up with things I have said and made me realize his “apologies” and excuses were predetermined lines suggested to him in the comment section. 

    
   Alright, so let’s start with a bit about me. Okay, yes, I have BPD. I told him that and maybe I shouldn’t have (especially not on the “first date”). I just struggle with making good first impressions, I don’t have the best social skills. I like to be honest with people, but I’m starting to think I’m too honest. I think I should just keep everything to myself from now on. I’m starting to realize that talking about my personal life probably makes people uncomfortable. I now have the ability acknowledge that is wrong and I understand why Farquad would not want to stick around. While I can empathize with that, I can’t help but wonder how wanting to cut me off translates into manipulating me like a puppeteer.

I met Farquad around the end of October (I think). I mentioned I had recently gotten out of a relationship. Which I think was (very obviously) hinting that I do not want anything serious. He then told me that he had recently left a serious relationship as well. My thoughts? Great, maybe we can be each other’s rebounds. I did not want to date this guy or be in a committed relationship with him. I may have BPD, but I understand how one night stands work.

The “first date” went well and I thought we got along well. Did I expect to see him again? No. If he hadn’t asked, I never would have. Of course I wanted to get to know him, I had in my mind that this person could be a FWB. Unbeknownst to me, my attempts were perceived as annoying. Had he just been honest with me from the start and straight up told me he wasn’t interested, there would have been no issue.

What I do take issue with is how Farquad dragged out the process. In his post, he said that I told all my friends and family about him. I have a very small friend group, me and 3 other girls. Girls gossip, of course I’m going to tell them about my hookups! He only met 2 of my friends after he got the idea to pick them up in his car one day. I did not coerce him into doing that. I never introduced him to my family. Meanwhile, I met his family. During all this, he told me he liked me and “didn’t want to lose me”. Of course, my BPD brain interpreted those words as “I want more”. Getting a hotel and falling asleep next to Farquad did not help this either.

In Farquad’s post, he insinuated that I would try and accuse him of rape or call the cops if he ghosted me. So, because you know I have BPD you’re going to assume I will fuck you over if we stopped talking? I liked Farquad, but it wasn’t that deep. I wasn’t capable of ever loving him because I still love someone else. I needed someone to give affection to, even if it wasn’t the person  I loved. I agree it was wrong for me to do. I’m now noticing Farquad did the same to me. It wasn’t completely as one-sided as he suggests.

I gave him several chances at an out. An example is when he was 4 hours late to pick me up one night. He wasn’t replying to any of my messages so I basically said “k bye”. When he finally replied, he apologized and asked me to come see him. If I hadn’t done my makeup, I would have told him to fuck off. I told him that if it happened again I would cut him off and he apologized and asked for more chances. 

Another example is when I explicitly asked what he wanted from me. If he really wanted me gone so fast, why would he lie and say he wants to keep seeing me? He had every chance to be honest with me at that moment. I suspect that his last relationship was emotionally damaging to the point where Farquad felt he had lost control. I believe that he stuck around, not because he pitied or feared me (as is suggested in his post), but because he wanted control over something in his life.

He wrote about me as if I was a mysterious creature of a different species. The way he speaks about mental health in such a disgusting manner has me grateful that I will no longer be exposed to his ignorance. What he failed to mention was that he talked about himself (never too explicitly). He talked about how he was unhappy with his own life, so maybe that’s why he felt the need to take advantage of my kindness and emotionally manipulate me. 

Side note: Do everyone a favour and do not drag out something you know won’t work out. It will just make it worse for both parties.

You’re probably wondering, how exactly did this manipulation play out? First, he would come see me almost every day, which I never expected. He would hold my hand, too. In my mind, hand-holding is a very intimate thing. He was constantly late to every meet up but always promised to do better. I even told him once that if he kept showing up late I would cut him off. 

I asked him if he wanted to go to my grandparents’ town up North and he agreed saying it would be fun. We planned this multiple times because every time we were supposed to go he would ignore me all day and then say he was “sleeping”. Then randomly a couple weeks later he told me that he might have COVID while I was at work. I immediately told my boss and went home to quarantine for 2 weeks. Not only did that waste my time because he was lying, but I lost money because of him.

Take my advice, my friends, and DO NOT IGNORE RED FLAGS. When you start to notice that the person you’re “seeing” is consistently not putting in effort (especially after you talked to them about it several times), it’s time to let go. 
     If you’re my type of BPD, you are self-aware and are starting to finally get a handle on yourself. Don’t let someone mess up your progress. As for me, I’m taking a very long break from the dating world and focusing on myself from now on. Some stupid boy I met on a dating app was not worth my time.