This is a rant and probably won't hold much value. As most of you might've heard by now Iran's protests has been going on for more than a month and as it grows, the government's oppression grows with it too. Internet restriction is one of the tactics Iran's regime has used to shut people's voice down and even though this time it didn't work as they wished, it sure as hell did frustrate the shite out of people. As someone who struggles with severe anxiety and depression as a side effect, it has been specifically hard for me to just exist in the last couple of weeks due to this restriction. Most websites and apps are banned in iran including almost every social media platform, which makes it hard for people to communicate. As someone who used to get lots of mental health support, including therapy sessions, online suddenly I lost most of the stuff that kept me sane. I'm now left with anti anxiety medications that even if they work, they leave me extremely drowsy and sleepy. Basically I'm not fine at all. I'm in the middle of a deathly brutal revolution, worrying constantly over everything including my loved ones lives, have to carry on with my daily duties, have no access to mental health support, and I'm getting more panic attacks and suicidal thoughts as the days pass. The only thing that has kept me alive is hope. Hope that no matter how long or how hard it would be, these protests will end in a regime change. If that hope is crushed anyhow, if the protests ends with no results but bloodshed, I don't think I'll be able to keep on living and that thought scares me. I'm a mountain of hurt and trauma, most of which is a direct result of being a minority born and raised under a dictatorship, and now that I had a little taste of freedom, had imagined what it would be, I can't go back to only existing.