I don’t get it anymore. I try to laugh with my friends, and actually try to be fun around people instead of being a miserable black hole of negativity. I just get those thoughts, “You’re faking it” or “you don’t really care about them” and it just makes me want to quit trying. I want to stop being so fucking negative and stop bringing down everybody’s mood constantly. Ive realized that, when I actually try to joke around and smile more, it does reflect on the people I’m around. But again, I just keep getting these thoughts that it’s not the “real me” and I’m just frustrated. I’m not sure if what I’m thinking is really based in some truth, but all I know is that I just want to be better. I’m tired of hurting people. I know I can be better.