I often find myself wondering if being there for yourself is enough. It’s not like I have anyone else to properly talk to, I just figured if I supported myself enough in my head and set goals for future me it’d all turn out alright. I do believe that you only have yourself and that ultimately no one else is reliable but it’s so hard not having someone who will just listen to you. It’s not like you can tell your few  friends or family that you feel like a dull soggy piece of bread most of the time and that sometimes when you cry it’s so agonising that you don’t want to exist, they wouldn’t understand and the conversation would be uncomfortable. All this shit about having people that notice you’re not okay and that acknowledge it just seems like total bullshit. I can’t even get a therapist to vent to, it’s been over a year since my last one left and I’ve been in the waiting list ever since.  I feel so unwanted, I have little scenes in my head of me hugging and comforting myself and I know no one else will give that to me anytime soon.