Once again I feel I've ruined everything, that there's just no point in trying anymore. Unhappiness seems to find me as easy as the waves lap the shore. I'm over this endless cycle of up and down, and while I know that's life to a point, why is it that I seem to be a complete failure at relationships? Perhaps I'm just meant to be alone and unhappy in that department, that it's just not meant for me. I find a connection with someone I truly care about, feel I get along with on so many levels, and they're unobtainable, eventually drifting away into obscurity despite my efforts to keep them in my life. What really hurts is that I never truly find out why they drift away, that they somehow can't be honest with me perhaps through fear of hurting me or something. Well it fucking hurts more not knowing! It has to be me, I'm the only common denominator in all of this. Perhaps I try too hard, love too much, care too much... At 46, I'm over trying anymore. I give up trying to be happy in this life, give up trying to make others happy as it always ends the same way! Guess I'm better off alone.