I feel like I'm switching into "Existing" mode. I'm only feeling apathy, nothing matters. I've lost myself. I know that. I want to change that. But I do not feel emotions... not yet. To my surprise... this is quite peaceful. No loud thoughts... I've dreamed of this silence...  I've got what I wanted...Not for free though...

You only realise how much that person mattered to you when it's taken away from you.