im not too sure how i feel anymore. idk if im just bored with everything or if there's actually something wrong with me. i hate everything, even the things that i should love. my family doesn't feel like my family. or maybe they are a family and im just the imposter among them. am i the intruder? idk. i just don't know.

i can't remember the last time that i felt like myself. i feel like im constantly on this gaming show of who can fake the longest, and everyone has already failed and im the last man standing, yet i won't let up the act... 

i know i can think clearly as im able to write this and im not looking for attention. there is just no where else where i can say how i feel and idk. i just don't know.

im not being suicidal or anything i just have no idea why im here, am i a prop among this world? am i just a number that contributes to the rest of society? i honestly dont really know what to think anymore...