I worked so hard to regulate my BPD tendencies and recently relapsed really hard after getting out of a relationship with my FP, on top of other things that happened around the same time. Now I just crave a toxic codependent relationship even though I know that's not what I need - but the highs are so high when you are in one and I just want a quick heal. I try so hard to form healthy relationships, both platonic and romantic, and yet it feels like I have no control over where my life is heading. I feel like I'm stuck in a constant loop.