I'm very sorry if this post has been made before or if this is misplaced, this is my first post on this sub.

I have issues communicating my struggles in a clear way, especially in regards to dealing with emotions and easily feeling abandoned or betrayed. Even my closest friends, some of which have struggles of their own, like bipolar disorder, seem to get really annoyed with me when I do have outbursts and then afterwards try to apologize and explain.

I know my anger, frustration and sadness is often irrational and affects others more than it should, but it seems as if my actions are somehow not redeemable compared to others' actions when they act out on their own issues (for example when they get annoyed and angry, I try to understand and not take it personal because I know where they come from). I feel as if I'm in a league of my own even compared to the people around me that also suffer from mental illness, no matter what it's like they can't or don't want to comprehend what I'm dealing with. It kind of makes me feel like my emotions are invalid and as if I don't deserve consideration from others. I also don't know anyone else with BPD as far as I know, so I don't really have anyone to talk to about it that understands it from my perspective either.

I constantly try to be considerate of others when I speak and act, and have to hide a lot of pain, anger and tears, but it's like people don't believe me when I tell them his and think I only think about myself and therefore don't deserve the same consideration that I *claim* to have towards others. But the reality is not like that, it's just that I have become good at not letting my pain affect others too much or too often. Does anybody else also feel kind of alienated and misunderstood, even by other people that struggle mentally?

Sorry if I am an unclear or have spelling errors, English is not my first language.