I’m not sure if I want to or not. On one hand I don’t want to hurt one of the few people who have any interest in my existence, But on the other m hand I want to be with my boyfriend as long as possible as he will likely be my last. 

Sometimes I even have this fucked up thought that it would be nice to have someone mourn over me. I imagine killing myself and then my boyfriend being devastated after hearing the news. I dunno, that’s why I need to kill myself in the first place. A fucked up person who thinks about that kind of shit has no business being around other people.