I hate the holidays without my kids. I get more depressed than I do the years I have them. I also keep thinking this is the first year I won't hear from my uncle Scott bc he passed away from anv accident on December 13th. Screw Friday the 13th. All these emotions are running through me like a unstoppable flood. My boyfriend loves me but hasn't made anything easier. Instead he's making it quite more difficult. We've been arguing quite often yesterday and today. All about his feelings without him thinking of mine. What I'm going through. All my energy is going to him and a lot of anger is running through me. He knows how hard the holidays without my kids are but no it's about him. I feel so defeated and angry. I've already thought about checking myself into the hospital bc I can't deal with these emotions, and all I want to do is die. I'm just defeated.