First of all, I want to say this is not really a cry for help nor I intend to hurt myself, I just want to blow off some steam as part of a therapy for myself. 

Lately I’ve been coming to terms with my anxiety and realizing some stuff in my life sucks because of it. 

I can’t say I’m a bad person, I even try to be the best person ever, that’s why I became a doctor, I wanted to help everyone, listening to everyone and mostly be a relief from everyone’s burdens because I’ve felt them at some point in my life. 

However I think I feel lonely most of the time and even if I consider many people friends and can say accurately which ones are my best friends I don’t really feel needed by anyone, or that someone really looks for me or wants to hang out unless I’m the one seeking for them. 

I’ve tried to get interesting in almost every way and now I think to myself I’m pretty cool, even getting comfortable with myself most of the time and I think I can be lonely without much problem, but I think I actually want to be with more people, wether it’s a girlfriend or mostly friends or people that want to be around me. 

I think I also have some sleep and eating disorders. I tend to eat way too much, even if not hungry. Also, I suffer from insomnia, sometimes taking absolutely every bit of energy in myself to get to sleep, and when I finally do it I sleep for about 12 - 16 hours a day, obviously messing with my schedules.

What mostly annoys me is that I think I’m intelligent, smart, but I’ve let myself go in my academics because of the anxiety I get feeling I could fail like I’ve done before and actually have a lot of pressure on my back, which is not very helpful.

This is just my first step in this process and I want it to be just a recognition that something is wrong with me and I want to change it.

If you read this, even if you don’t answer anything I want to thank you for taking the patience to read me.