I’(M) so sick and tired of this, every single day I stg my moods switch back and forth from irritated to depressed, quite literally every 5-10 mins.  I’m so sick of being paranoid.  I love my ldr gf and I trust her when I see her or call/FaceTime her, but when I don’t I lose all confidence and I’m scared that she’s gonna leave me or cheat.  The fear of it is driving me insane.

Oh even better, I developed pathological laughter a few weeks ago after being admitted to a hospital, so now instead of cry, I laugh and I feel horrible after.  I feel like I’m genuinely going insane.  I don’t know who I am, I had a single moment of clarity for the first time in forever today and it was so nice to be in control and thinking straight, but now it’s gone.

Abilify doesn’t help, I become so forgetful and out of it that it doesn’t even matter.  I stopped taking it for a little bit and I don’t want to get back on it but atl it stops the thoughts of my gf cheating bc it stops rly all of my thoughts.

But the worst part of all is that I’m being treated like a kid.  Nobody is listening to me, parents, doctors, psychiatrists.

I really don’t know if Id be ok if my gf cheated or left me, luckily I have my first therapy appointment next Tuesday.  I seriously need help.  It’s gonna be a long weekend.

Sorry for the disorganized train of thought, very very low point rn, considering committing myself somewhere tonight bc I can’t do this anymore (the mood swings, esp the depression)