my mom has been sick for a couple of days now and had some excess bleeding. today, she's scheduled to go to the hospital and it was silently assumed that i must go with her. i was woken up at around 8 in the morning yesterday and i hesitated on going
with her, thinking of the mountain of school work i must complete. she was of course pissed and went by her self instead. i know i'm the asshole for this and i have no excuse about being such a self-centered, narcissistic person. i'm a bit concerned
for her, but not that much. i feel this disconnect between us in our relationship. she's been pretty abusive to me as a child physically and verbally, and only verbally now as an adult. i've been saying things like i will not be visiting her in the retirement
home since i was 10. we're in the process of
mending our relationship but we're not quite there yet. she's tried the past few months but has not yet directly acknowledged her mistakes.

i don't know why i prioritised my school work over her. heck, if it were a friend or my brother i would've helped out in less than a minute. what should i do to fix this?