I have severe depression for over 8 years, but I’m depressed for 13 years, it just became worse with time. I’m 25 years old. I tried a lot medications and different doctors, doesn’t help, I’m not better 

When I started a medication it made me cut myself, I told the doctor and he stopped the medication and I didn’t do again.I did it again without taking the medication, I don’t remember why, I did two separate times. Stopped doing for a long, until his month, I cut my self probably four different times since September 5, the reason is I’m really stressed, I spend a lot of money, one more problem that I have, and this month I wasn’t able to pay and everyone is calling. I cut myself with a scissor, it bleeds, not much, sometimes I get scars, it’s a kids scissors. In these four times, I cut myself not only with a scissors, something that would cause more damage, not enough to bleed a lot, but I’m afraid that I’ll try different ways to do it to the point I’ll need to go to the hospital to get stitches. I have suicidal ideation, even with medication it got worse, I didn’t want to be alive anymore, now I’m thinking the ways to do it, how would I convince my mother to buy a rope, lying to her saying it’s for something else. However, I’m not going to kill myself, I just don’t want to be alive. I wonder why I was even born 

My mother also had depression, but she’s much better for years, but she’s stressed, because of work, I spend a lot of her money and other problems. She never wanted to put me in a mental hospital, but now she wants. She said that will be a break for her too, in this clinic I’m allowed to take someone to stay with me. She says the treatment would be for her, she wants me there, because she doesn’t sleep alone, it’s true, she doesn’t sleep alone, you don’t need to be in the room, she just like someone is in the house. But I know it’s for me. She’s putting pressure on me, I’m worried that she’ll commit me against my wishes, something my previous doctor recommended. When the medication didn’t work, the last doctor that wanted to commit me against my wishes, said that he wanted to test a lot of different medications, to see what helps.
I honestly don’t have any hope that I’ll be better.

I’m 25 years old, I haven’t accomplished nothing in my life, I only finish high school, I don’t leave the house, I only spend my mother’s money, I have no friends, not one. 

I just don’t know what to do, I don’t have any hope, I don’t want to be committed and I don’t think it’s going to make a difference