I feel every day I am drifting further and further away. Relationships I had. Some have exploded but more recently they've just slowly been lost. People talking less and less until there's nothing at all. And I cant keep fighting the one sided battle to keep it. Only a couple of people in my life engage with me. And even them, I feel myself withdrawing from what I have left. I dont want to keep talking any more, being misunderstood, being rejected. I feel its not changing anything. 

I feel more and more that no one would even notice if I wasn't here. I spend my days isolated, with an occasional conversation, but I dont see anyone, I stay in my house shut off from the world slowly rotting away. 

With the distance comes a pain, and the intrusive thought that I should end it. That my life is too broken to fix. Or even if I can, it would mean starting new, again, getting to know new people building new foundations. I just don't know if I can do it. Its like each time I start over, I get weaker and weaker until I have no more strength to get back up. 

I miss my ex, and the happiness I felt with him. I miss my close friends who used to stand by me and listen to me. I miss even just being acknowledged when I was at work, where even if they weren't my friends, I was important and I helped people. Now I feel I am nothing, insignificant. 

I dont matter