I’ve always been this way... but let’s be real... I learned a long time ago to internalize and eventually to not even feel my feelings for most of my life. The only emotion that really snuck through was the angry... irrational. Blinding. Anger. Before 6 months ago I didn’t know that this wasn’t normal.. I didn’t know this was a thing.

Now that I know and, more importantly, feel all the things.. I couldn’t hate myself more. I hate the way I react. I hate that I am co-dependent. I hate that I desperately want affection but can’t trust anyone not to leave. I hate that I can’t cope without harming myself. I hate the near constant suicidal ideation.

I hate the anxiety. I hate the depression. I just want it to end. Does it ever get better?