Sorry for the vent. It’s hard to explain but I just don’t want to get better sometimes. I finally have a wife (FP) who loves me and supports me and I have a steady job, I’m on meds, in therapy, I say I want to get better and I really do want to make my wife’s life easier but I just don’t think I believe myself. I don’t know why, I think it just seems impossible and being better would mean losing my identity and having to stay alive and it just all feels too much. It’s been a few years of trying to work on myself but I still don’t think I’m ready to fully try to get better and I’m worried I never will be