Ive had a very very very long week or so. (As a note I've been unintentionally off my meds due to work schedule messing up my life schedule for a few weeks now so this may be part of it...) Ive been obsessively "zoning" the same small messy section of my Walmart store for 3 straight days. I had a 6 day stretch at work where i got very little sleep and was very stressed due to my fp being a state away and non communicative for 4 of those days... When he came back we had a wonderful bit of intimacy that i seriously needed. We hadn't been "together" in over a week. (He wanted to wait and build it up till the morning he left on the plane but he slept in and we were unable to... Sp i had to wait till he got back) Now he's been back for 4 days and he hasn't been "in the mood" since the day he came back. Ive been so needy and pent up per usual and whenever he says no i get so upset and depressed. I feel rejected and unwanted and gross. Its like being told your puppy died while being kicked in the chest and stomach simultaneously... On top of that and the long long work week, my fp has this... Habit. He acts extremely stupid in order to get a rise out of me. Im so sure at this point that he's doing all these small little things to intentionally irritate me and start a fight. Small things get me mad.. Amd when im mad i hate to be touched sooooo he decides that's the right time to start laying his arm across me and stuff like that. When i lash out he gets pissy and it turns into a screaming match where all im saying is "leave me alone" and "i wouldn't behave like this if you'd just stop when i ask you to stop"... It can be anything but the more i protest and ask him to stop, the more he does these things. Then he tells me he'd be intimate with me more often if i wasn't such a b*tch all the time and wouldn't behave like this. He makes me feel like its all me but i know in my heart he does have a hand in the buildup to my "fits"... But i feel like im going legitimately insane. Like is it all just me? Am i going crazy? Or is he making me crazy? Or is it just both??? Its like he's digging small needles under my skin all the time and laughing... He legitimately finds it funny and laughs the whole time until ive gotten so pissed that i either hit something else or take a swing at him (the latter being when he starts trying to touch me or grab me to supposedly "calm me down" (all it does is make me more hysterical and panicked,which he is fully aware of)) Then he starts screaming and it turns into a massive screaming, cussing, name calling blowout where really nasty things get said and we both end up in tears.... Then afterwards he wants to be intimate... Almost as though the fight gets him going...  Its like clockwork.... I can't help but feel confused and feel as if im losing my mind....