
A lot of these problems  I’m having  are detrimental to my life  and those around me. These problems are highly amplified at times  more than others, I think they’re because of upbringing ,environmental triggers but  also I believe there are structural  parts of me that are defective. Driven by particular motors and impulses. At times there’s also versions of me. it’s hard to say when where or how these Problems that I’m having are affecting my life because my life has been very dysfunctional  from before I was born and to this day my state of being seems to fluctuate. Sometimes this is all the time, sometimes never over a long periodsof time.
The following
Substance abuse ,pleasure seeking ,promiscuity ,reckless behaviour, risk-taking , money problems, ,grandiose ideas , hopelessness,  suicide thoughts, anxiety, paranoia, insomnia, spaced out ,back seat mind, irritability, bursts of rage, bursts of tears, trust issues , love people hate people , want to be with everyone want to be alone,  excessive racing thoughts become arguing voices in my head, police would consider me a anti social behaviour, violent thoughts, violent tendency’s, criminal past,  foggy memory, missing events, 

Sometimes I’m an upright walking Man of God
Sometimes I go so dark you’d think I worked for Old Lou himself .

I once believed I had autism or something because I feel so detached and feral from society that it requires a lot of restraint/effort to coexist not only with people but also it’s systems and conventions. 

Religion and philosophy have made me a bit more self aware but cursed me at the same time 

I know my vices have no benefits whatsoever ever or no good can simply come of them, despite that I know this and almost fear this I can’t stop doing what I shouldn’t do....

My mother was bipolar and my father was narcissistic.


I’ve been a bartender, military member left now I’m a subcontractor in dog handling security. Opportunities have been presented in plentiful to me. I’m a home owner, not a loner a wife with 3 on my shoulders