I met this one guy online about 3 weeks ago. He lives on the other side of the world. So obviously would take some time to meet in real life. I guess we were rushing too much, especially for my mental health. We started to focus on each other. We were/are kinda like dating, but not in a relationship. And he said he wouldn’t like me to focus on other men. So I got too attached and started sabotaging things 2 weeks later. It got me so bad that I finally went to drink with my friends and I got so drunk that I barely remember what was happening. So there was this one guy who offered me to get to his place ”safely”. Obviously I couldn’t go alone home. The next thing I remember is that I was naked next to him. And he was cuddling and playing around sexually. I was so tired and intoxicated to do much. And I have a history of getting actually raped. So I froze and couldn’t say much. I was just laughing awkwardly and trying to show with my body language that I don’t want it. But at the same time I thought I ruined the chance with the online guy. So I let him kiss me but didn’t let his hands go down there. He still kept continuing until I told that I don’t want to do that. He stopped. 
I am really OCD about cheating and I feel like I was cheating on the online guy. I have so mixed feelings about all this. I am angry at myself because I didn’t just slap the hell out of the guy but I was too friendly and weak. And that I went there. But sometimes I doubt the online guy too much. He’s constantly making jokes about breaking my heart etc. What should I do? Should I just take this easily since we are in the beginning and are in unclear page?