I was slightly upset about my roommate (also my ex boyfriend but we're still close friends) just eating a piece of bacon that was supposed to be split between us. I said I was upset and he said it was stupid and my emotions flared up a lot and us talking for a minute made it worse, so I walked out. I couldn't calm down so I went up to tell him that him saying that me being upset is stupid wasn't great. He ended up laughing??? Idk why. 


I walked out again and once I calmed down about 90% (emotions still there but not overreactive) I went to talk to him and he started laughing again. He couldn't stop laughing and I asked him to but it just made him laugh harder. 


For about an hour he kept laughing at anything that I said. I walked out multiple times and went back up cause I'm a dumbass and apparently wanted to aggravate my BPD more. I feel really shitty about getting so worked up while it happened. I yelled and I don't usually yell (though it's been weirdly more frequent recently). I got close to getting physical and throwing things and I rarely throw things and haven't hit anyone except two instances with bullies in middle school. 


Am I wrong for being upset? He basically said that he was laughing cause he's a dumbass and wouldn't elaborate. He said he was sorry, but was laughing while he said it. 


Something like this has never happened with him, or with anyone really, and I don't know how to take it and I think that's why I got more worked up than usual. I don't want to get that worked up again. It felt like my brain was on fire and I couldn't think straight and while I've had that experience when I'm alone, I usually don't have it around people. I usually just isolate myself til something like that is over. My two other roommates heard me yell and I feel really shitty about basically bringing them into it. 


I just feel really insane and guilty now because a 'normal' person wouldn't get that worked up and my BPD has been affecting other people more and more over the past year since I was diagnosed as I've been working through stuff with my therapist. It's like I take a step forward in working through my bad coping mechanisms and my trauma, but I don't have any good ones, so my emotions take over completely. 


I just want to feel stable. I want it more than anything else. 




(Also just btw: I am a guy)