I have a history of depression, since I was probably six years old. I’m not the person you would ever think would have mental issues- I am a married mom who honestly is so happy in her family situation. I can honestly say they are the *only* bright spot in my life. All that aside- I’m not ok.

I feel like I’m so desperate for a connection that I flirt with/hit on every person I interact with. I’m scared to get a male therapist, because I’m afraid that I will try to seduce them. My self-worth is literally trash. I’m not suicidal. At any time a therapist or a professional asked me what keeps me going, the answer is because I don’t want to disappoint the people around me. I couldn’t give a fuck about myself, I just don’t want people around me to be sad or disappointed. 

ALLLLLLL to the reason I posted this. I’ve finally bit the bullet and decided to get therapy, so I reached out to betterhelp. After five or six different therapist that I ruled out for different reasons, I finally found one that I felt like aligned with me and my situation. Well, I just got a message from her. She wanted to let me know that my “issues” are too much, and she advised that I should only have in person therapy, and should never be helped via telehealth.
She let me know that she contacted betterhealth to close my account, and I would subsequently be refunded.

I am so humiliated, and I have never felt like more of a burden in my entire life. if I had the ability to do in person therapy, I would have. I don’t have that option, which is why I chose an online therapy option. 

I don’t know what to do. I literally want to disappear. I have never felt more like a burden. 

Currently I am the sole provider for my children, so my options are limited.