Been suicidal For the past month with it getting worse in waves, most days where I feel alright is where I distract myself from my current life with either video games, spending money or just alcohol - with it just being in waves (can be on top of the world one day and really wanting to kill myself the next) makes me feel like I'm faking my own mental state. Seeing a psychiatrist in a few days, but I just don't know what to do up until that point because my mental state is a mess, my life is a mess and I'm just really lost as to what to do about it and What's even going on