25 yr old cis male here - It’s been just over a year since i received my BPD diagnosis and 7 months since I started therapy. I had a major collapse as things began to unwind in my sessions along with the loss of my FP. I’ve been suicidal for as long as I can remember but never as bad as January this year. Seeing my reality for how it truly is and properly checking my ego has fucked me up to say the least. I was close to checking myself into the psych ward but with the help of friends managed to stay home. It’s been the lowest of low years so far. I started on Lexapro and have been sober for 4 months now. It’s actually helped immensely and i’ve been able to process a lot and improve my mindset significantly. The problem is, despite feeling somewhat human again, I just don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore. When I was acting on impulses, mirroring others, and abusing substances at least things were happening. Now i’m trying to remain stable and form my own identity, but I just do nothing everyday. I barely work or leave the house. I’m getting checked for ASD soon so will hopefully get some more guidance. I want to live a healthy life, I just don’t know how to make better choices for myself. It’s so hard to bring myself to stop isolating and figure out what I’m supposed to do 🫠