I haven't felt this depressed in a while. I'm even getting suicidal/hopeless thoughts which I also haven't had in a while. God damn this shit sucks. I hate this illness. I quit alcohol but there's still some left in my apartment and I just want to drink all of it. My apartment is a mess. I don't feel like cleaning my pots and pans so I can make myself dinner. I can barely get out of bed. None of my friends or family or my roommate are available to keep me company and keep me sane. It's one of those depressions where I keep it at bay by surrounding myself with people 24/7, but right now I have no one. It sucks. This sucks. I can barely pay attention in any of my classes anymore and my grades reflect it.