I have been preparing and trying to pass my exams for last 3 years. I kept suffering alone, I screamed for help alone, I used to cry till I slept at nights, I ate like an animal, drank like a alcoholic, took medications like a drug addict.

Everyday I fought with myself for last 3 years, my depression, sexual abuse in childhood, anxiety everything came in my way. Without telling a soul i kept going and in the end when I did pass, no one even congratulated me. No one even cared rather everyone kept questioning me of when will I get a job now.

I know I have been an Asshole, Hurt Lot of people, Tortured them mentally but not one of them is happy for me.

Even my girlfriend, who I thought would be there for me, she suddenly told me to marry her now. It's not like I don't want to , I've explained her many times how I need to have a job at least yet she doesn't care nor understands the situation. I told her at the beginning of our relationship that things would be difficult when it will come to marriage but then she started saying she'll kill herself if I'm not in her life and such, so I agreed for being with her. 

every single person just keeps me near them for their selfish reasons.

And horribly I can't even leave anyone of them, not my family nor my girlfriend. They all start emotionally blackmailing me.

I'm sick of this life and living for everyone else. Not a thought comes in my head for myself, everything I do or think is for them, I'm so fed up and really want to give up.