English is not my native language. I am very pessimistic about my life. I am unemployed and it's entirely my fault, yes, I have depression and anxiety but I could seek help earlier and I could have found job in my field (I am sure). 

I am very ashamed of myself. I was so ashamed that I ghosted all my friends and I hurt them. I don't have any friends right now besides one virtual acquaintance (we game together). 

I have support of my partner and my parents. I found some hobby that brought me great joy but then I was forced to give up it because I started having physical issues. My anxiety and my physical problems seem to be connected but also they exist separately. 

I don't have any friends, I am dealing with physical issues and anxiety around my health and social situations. I don't have any job and it's hard to even start looking with my weird health (both physical and mental). I had a plan and it all failed. I wanted to find job and explain myself to my friend because I can't bear it to talk with them while being unemployed. 

Yes, I do have some support and it more than many have... But I feel extremely unfulfilled. I feel that I am not needed in this world and I feel lonely. 

It's getting harder and harder to keep going.