I constantly think of dying. I get episodes of extreme sadness. I cry all the time. No one knows. I have friends and family but I don't want to bother them. I don't want this sadness to ruin them. I don't want them to constantly check on me. I haven't talked to anyone about this. They think I got my shit together but really I am a mess. I can't hold it together. It's all a show. Act strong. Fool people. But at the end of the day I go home, turn off the lights and cry. I feel empty. 

They wouldn't understand. They would judge me easily. People just say you'll get over it. What if I don't come out of it. 

Death always comes to mind.