i've been going through some computer problems that i think i finally figured out how i'm going to go about it. it's a bit of a complicated process but i'm sure this is the best way considering my current situation.

but sometimes i get hit by catastrophizing thoughts that make it out to be worse than what it probably actually is and it makes me genuinely so anxious. it hits me randomly throughout the day, mostly about the money aspect and how i'm worried it's not going to go the way i'd like for it to. i know part of this is just due to my anxiety and my previous experience regarding this situation but it's so upsetting and disheartening. i kept working myself up to near panic attacks while at work because of this only to work myself back down because i don't want to cry in the middle of work.

i even cried in the car to my dad about all of this lmao and he's very understanding about it, which i appreciate. but i just hate that it drove me to that point in the first place.

for me i know, realistically, the best way to go about this is just to take it one day at a time. but my anxiety is making me want to do all of it now, now, now, now. and i KNOW that i can't do that. i have to wait, but it's making me really anxious and i hate that i can't figure out how to cope with it.