I've felt lonely since I can remember and no amount of friends or family ever truly changed that.

Well, until I met my current partner. She changed it *all* for me. I never again felt lonely in my life since I'm with her.

Except things have been getting worse in our lives lately and when she's not okay she tends to kick and push me away in bad ways \[it's a long distance relationship, different countries, same continent\], even if I'm not okay; her reaction to my negative feelings is, also, to push me away, say bad, ugly things and leave. So I've started feeling lonely again...

These past months, weeks and these last days, too, have hurt so much and I've been feeling lonely like I haven't for years. I love my friends \[they're not many, but they're good\], but I never trust anyone but *her* with this level of things \[I don't feel the same way when I tell her as when I tell other people, even if it's just my friends or siblings\], so every time she leaves me, like today and tonight, I'm left alone with my own head and it's painful and I can't take it - it's drastic, extreme. I can only think of all the things that are wrong in my life, all the good things that no longer hold a meaning to me or feel good and then I think of ways to take my life because I can't take this anymore, I can't bear with this, not if I'm alone as I feel, and the only person who could make everything better keeps saying, whenever her depression hits hard, that I'm not important, that she doesn't love me and then leaves.

I don't know what to do anymore... I wanna end my life, but I live in this apartment with my siblings and my mom, so it's sort of a complicated thing to do.