I've been on a mad weed binge and it's really getting to me. I've been high constantly for 10 days now and I feel like I'm out of control. I've not been taking my mood stabilisers, not because I don't want to but when I'm high I feel like I'm 'fixed' and don't need them. I've been blacking out from smoking too much and forgetting to eat. It's fucked. But I don't feel like I can stop. If I'm not high I have ightmares from trauma in my past so I feel like even at sleep I can't properly rest. I just feel like there's no point, I'm barely alive now just surviving. And it hurts. I just don't really know if I want to be around anymore. I can't talk to my flatmates either, I love them but they don't understand BPD at all. I have a friend with it and would love to open up to her I'm just so scared of triggering them or something.

idk I'm high and rambling. sorry to waste your time ha