Over the past few months, my best friend has been kind of distant and a but rude to me. So then one day I'm really stressed and I start venting to him about people and I bring up a friend that I have and how I found it annoying that she'd act like every time someone was about to speak, they'd talk about blades, but she can talk about blades just fine. I was talking about how she acts like other people don't have triggers, then my friend said "That was probably her sign for help". I stupidly carried on complaining. I wanted to stop typing but I couldn't and I just sounded like I was a self absorbed bitch, so my friend then said "Yk you can add me to your book thing trying to be the main character and shit but other people have problems apart from you". I read the message and then looked at all the bullshit I was saying and I'd never hated myself more. The book thing he was talking about, is that when we were texting, I found a piece of paper that had some names of friends from when I was 9 and I basically turned it into some sort of burn book but wrote things that made them a bit toxic because most of the people on the paper were fake friends. Honestly it was so dumb I don't know why I even did it. Then he blocked me and I broke down and started crying. The bad part was that I literally can't live without him so, I tried to hang myself but it didn't work so I gave up. Now, 2 weeks from that, I've started having intrusive thoughts about burning down his house. It's the fact that I know exactly where he lives and what time his family are out of the house. I've tried to make the thoughts go away but I can't and it's really annoying. I can't say it to anyone because I feel like everyone's seriously going to hate me and I don't want that. 
Basically I'm asking for advice on how to tell someone about this or how to stop the thoughts. 


Also I'm sorry if any spelling mistakes or bad grammar/punctuation bothers you. I didn't pay attention in English class and I've never been able to understand it. And I'm writing this an 2:30am