Its been a while since I've thought of my FP and the relationship we had. Lately he just keeps stealing the spot light in my dreams. I wake up crying, I go through my day trying not to cry of think of him. I've been blocked many times, over and over again. I sadly have a message saved from him not to contact him again, just so I can recall the sting and not do it again. His birthday is coming up, maybe that's what's triggering me. Maybe I haven't finished mourning his absence in my life. Or I just miss the safety and security he gave me. To sum it ALLL up, I've felt like shit for the last few days. Working overnights being left alone with my thoughts, has beat the living shit out of me mentally.

Its very...tiring and annoying to have to hide how much this still bothers me. I hear it all the time "get over it.." It bothers me, no one understands how difficult it is. I can't even put it into words how much this person means to me, or why......and trying to explain it makes me feel stupid.