Im in a dark place so I came here to see my thoughts typed and maybe learn something idk. 

It’s 2am and I’m not tired. I’ll wake up 7am, naturally. This is what happens everyday. The darkness of night is becoming more welcoming night after night. I know I’m getting worse but it’s a calm feeling. I might have accepted my fate. It’s a life of suffering isn’t it. My life is pain, and then a break from pain and then pain again. No tears. I think I’ve accepted my fate. I need someone to talk to but I won’t call anymore. Awareness. I’m hurting the people around me with my pain. More pain, isolation, loneliness. Stress. Self-sabotaging. My friend died recently after losing a battle with depression. Will I lose as well? Hope, I see the future and I know if I work hard I can have things I’m proud of. Suffocating, I don’t feel mentally capable of working hard enough. Mom has cancer, Dad in prison since I was born, is doing bad in prison. Somebody save them.i wish they were able to save me. I need to pray but my faith is fleeting.Debilitating pain.Staring at the ceiling. Kill me please. Mercy. But I’m too calm, I used to fight these thoughts. No fight left in me? Keep pushing, create a family of your own, only love them. You’ll never pull that off, you’re mentally destroyed and will destroy anyone around you, even by accident. Isolate, wait out my sentence.