I just don't understand how my brain can so consistently refuse to believe I have anxiety despite having it so much. 

The type that has been on my mind the most lately is sickness. Every time I get sick or have any medical interaction I get so much anxiety. I get it from taking standard meds like I worry if i took the right medication, taking it at the right times, accidentally overdosing, if it's actually helping or not. 

When I am sick I constantly worry about its seriousness. If I have a bad sickness that lasts more than a few days I start thinking about what if I died. 

In my current situation that is making me write this, I just had surgery and every little thing is causing me anxiety if I let myself think about it. I know that swelling is expected, I know that it is normal... and yet every time I see the swelling in the mirror I fixate on it and obsess over if it's getting bigger or not, if it is too big, should I be worried? should it be fading ? There is a small part of my mind that knows that all this anxiety is for nothing, the swelling is going to go down in a few days and I won't even remember the swelling let alone my worries about it. 

I know it is anxiety, I'm not saying these things to devalue that experience. it's just that my brain refuses to actually believe that I have anxiety. I have all these anxious experiences and anxiety attacks and yet I just can't seem to connect the dots and truly believe I have anxiety and it's the anxiety, not me. I've been diagnosed multiple times with anxiety and still, I just can't actually believe it.