I'm just so exhausted with everything. Though as often as I think about, I'm too stubborn and cowardly to actually ever end my life. I just can't deal with all this shit anymore.

The way I see myself changes every day, heck every few hours, and I'm so tired of the fluctuating confidence it causes. I don't have any idea what I want to do in the future, I can't see myself ever succeeding at any traditional career.

Honestly, I would like to open my own café, but I don't think I can do it alone and I don't have anyone. My closest friendship ended after I had a manic episode that numbed me afterwards and I guess she realized that I'm a lost cause and saved herself, and I'm so scared of getting close to someone again.

I'm in college but it's online and I've had the shittiest semester and am so not ready for the next one. I couldn't make myself care enough to complete some assignments, and most I did complete I did late. It's so hard to even pay attention in class.

Since I have no sense of direction in my life I'm starting to think that staying in a mental hospital might be my best option. I won't have to worry about anything that way.

For anyone that's stayed in one before, if you don't mind answering, how was it?