I have two new fp’s and I simultaneously hate and love them both. I started a new job and met a girl who is younger than me by a few years I love hanging out with her she consoles me when I’m having an episode while also fueling the things that make me have episodes. we go on hour long coke and alcohol binges on random whims which yeah is fun but makes me hate myself so much more and I think is a different problem all on its own.

My other recent fp is a guy I met who is perfect in my eyes, he’s beautiful he’s smart he gives me what I want emotionally but I know that I bother him. I want to be around him, I want him to love me and give me attention. 

Do I even know what an fp is, do I falsify my view of what an fp is supposed to be and act towards me. I just latch on to whoever is giving me the tiniest bit of attention. I can’t stand myself lol