Recently I just feel from day to day worst, I sticked to weed and only when im high I kinda enjoy "life" idk if im depressed or not tbh I never went to a therapist and I won't go, I had suicidal thoughts earlier like 5 months ago and I actually tried to kill myself as u see I failed.
I failed because I realised how literally noone cares about me at all and I found it so hilarious that I started laughing and crying at once because whos gonna care if I'm here or not I know it sounds kinda stupid.
Since that I hadn't any suicidal thoughts at all until now ,I often go to sleep wishing ill never wake up and crying myself to sleep, but often I also just stare at the ceiling until I fall asleep it takes sometimes hours and I think about everything what happened in my life and what I did wrong/how people often treated me unfair and stuff like that.
I just don't know what to do please help