Hi…not sure if this is the place for this but: my brain keeps convincing me that everything I do is wrong. It feels like no matter what decision I make, I always lose. 

Like, I’m a part time grad student. If I spend a Saturday sitting inside doing homework, I’m wasting my life by not seeing the world or meeting new people. If I spend a Saturday exploring or spending time with friends/family, I’m a lazy student who doesn’t take school seriously. Either way I feel guilty and bad about myself. 

If I invite friends to do things with me, I’m clingy and desperate and have nothing else better to do with my time. If I don’t reach out to friends, I’m an asshole who only thinks about themselves and will never build true relationships. 

Even in simple conversations, this haunts me. If I start talking about myself (even just once), I feel narcissistic. “Why are you only talking about yourself - what makes you so important”. If I spend the majority of the time listening (this is usually my default since I’m also socially anxious), I’m boring and lame and a failure of a conversationalist. “This is why no one wants to be your friend - you’re so uninteresting.” 

I just…don’t know how to stop thinking this way. It feels like - doesn’t matter what I do, I’ll always lose. But that can’t be true, right?

Looking for some advice. (Also if you’re still reading this, thanks for letting me share)