I've been paralysed by anxiety for the entire week since I received an offer for a data scientist traineeship role. I'm a fresh social science grad with no math background and only some programming experience from an introductory DS class. During the interview I got blind-sided by technical questions, answering all but one incorrectly. The interviewers seemed unimpressed so it was very awkward, though I felt relieved after flunking the interview as I always do. But the next morning HR called me saying I got the job. I had a panic attack upon receiving the news. Did they make a mistake? Did they have an inflated impression of my actual abilities? The lady sensed my lack of excitement but gave me some time to decide. I threw up not long after the call ended, and I haven't been myself ever since. Each day i've been obsessing over whether to accept it. Physically, I've been finding it difficult to move and to keep food down. Today is the deadline.

I get super anxious about anything job-related. It doesn't help that my past internship/part-time work experiences were rather unpleasant. I was isolated by coworkers and mistreated by my supervisors. But beyond the fears about the work environment, I feel extremely vulnerable in this role. I know none of the languages/software used, and was told by the lead that i'm expected to pick them up fast. Sounds like a lot of pressure and things could get ugly if I don't meet the mark.

Then there's the dicey-ness of having to ask for days off early in my traineeship without divulging the actual reason if my previous application for a government job moves to the next stage. The recruitment process is competitive and protracted, so it will be more than once if I make it through each round. 

On the positive side, I guess this is a rare opportunity for me to dip my toes into data science proper especially since I have some interest in it. Other similar openings require relevant qualifications. This organisation is also a reputable one. I'm also technically allowed to quit at any time, though I find it hard to internalise this fine print and it probably isn't nice.

The few people i've asked have given me simplistic yet opposing advice: just yolo and take it vs. don't risk it if you're not confident and hold out for a full-time job. There's only a few hours left so I will probably accept the offer right before the deadline, not knowing if it's out of fear/external pressures or intrinsic motivations. Nor do I know how i'm going to cope with everything that will unfold after I hit send. I can't stop thinking about the ways it could go wrong.

I feel quite alone with my anxiety. I guess I needed someone to hear me out and perhaps give me some advice on dealing with the psychological torment. I've had GAD/PD for over a decade now, but never have I been down for such a long time. Adulting is on a whole other level of difficulty. :/