Everything is bad all the time and I don't know what to do. I'm currently seeing a therapist but there's so much going on constantly and I can't talk about all of it.

I can't have any meaningful relationships/friendships because I ruin it every single time. I have a few friends I can talk to about more casual stuff, but I want more than that. I can't get that without working on myself first, but I don't know how to work on myself without being in a relationship.

When I'm alone, the emptiness is so much worse. My emotions feel broken because of their intensity, but it doesn't feel like there's anyone there to actually feel the emotion.

When I'm not alone, they become my entire life and control all of my emotions. It temporarily gets rid of the emptiness to an extent, but my other BPD symptoms become much more prevalent. They either leave first, or I do to prevent myself from hurting them.

I feel so dysfunctional in general. No one is able to help me. I don't understand why my brain is like this. I have BPD, C-PTSD, ADHD, depression + generalized anxiety, and my therapist told me I have "obsessive-compulsive tendencies." It's literal hell and I don't know how much longer I can do this for. The dysfunctional relationships, emotional dysregulation, constant anxiety, intrusive thoughts, identity issues, emotional flashbacks, dissociation, all of it. I can't do this. There has never been a time in a my life when I truly felt okay and I don't think there ever will be.

My mental health is getting worse everyday. I'm so close to hurting myself. I feel so lost and broken.