So I was speaking to my fp last night and we pretty much speak everynight or whenever we can but yesterday she added an old friend of hers she wanted to catch up with to our chat. Turns out they’ve known each other for 10years and totally phased me out of the convo (while I was still in the group hahaaaaa). They just chatted away while I just waitingquietly watching requiem for a background, hoping she’d notice me. After a while something  just went off in my stupid little brain and all I could see was red. I started acting suuuuper rude and ultimately left abruptly bc I felt ignored and obsolete. She did text me immediately apologizing but I was too far gone. She might as well been the devil. After that I drove around LA like a lunatic in the middle of the night and fell asleep in my car parked on the side of a highway. 

I really don’t know what to do, sustaining a normal relationship wears me down to the core and I’m usually left empty and alone..... the constant rising and plummeting of emotions and the black and white thinking makes me hate that I was born with this terrible terrible affliction.