Ok here we go. 40(M) been dealing with this shit since 2007.  I was standing in front of soldiers a lot as their platoon leader as we prepared for and deployed to Iraq with the reserves.  Dudes would pass out routinely especially during long speeches at ceremonies.  I remember this stressing me out a bit... don’t pass out don’t pass out, unlock your knees, if you pass out the joes will know I’m weak.  . Fast forward to first memories of anxiety.  In Iraq we stood in line for what felt like hours we were back at base waiting for chow.  I remember it started as weird wobbly sensations like I’m gonna pass out unless I lean on something.  I think part of that was me knowing there’s only one way in and I can’t back out.  Our PA said I may have inner ear shit so we tried some led but that didn’t help. Fast forward 185 missions and a couple months back at work.  Had a full on panic attack and drove myself to the ER.  Doc said nothings wrong and That seemed to cure me for years. But Got to where sometimes I can’t stand at attention in formation without shaking and having tons of anxiety. That seemed to be random.  

I went on another tour to Afghanistan and was in a more stressful position. Got home and in 2012 had Bell’s palsy hit me.  Stress? No panic attacks really though.  

Went on another tour to Iraq in 2015 but this time it was pretty laid back.  

Years later still pretty good.  Then 2020 happened.  Winter of 2020 the anxiety when standing and feeling a little trapped came back with a fury.  Jan 2021 was rough.  I started getting anxiety just walking. Like feet numb gonna blackout stuff.  I walk to the gym at lunch a couple times a week and that became my trigger. I would shorten my steps and probably looked like I was a weirdo.  I started feeling it walking in the office. I get anxiety standing in groups and chatting.  I am drinking more than ever and think my anxiety is worded by a night of drinking bourbon the next day was rougher. 

I still am getting milder anxiety in the mentioned scenarios but it seems to be a common thing now.  I’m getting tons of more projects to manage at work which is great but stressful.  I’m not doing anything stressful in the reserves anymore. 

Went to church and we stood in a group to receive communion out doors in March and I literally had to lean on my wife.  

Anyway. Does anyone have this or similar?  What helps? I need to ween off of the bourbon but really want it more after a hard day of this shit. After I get anxiety my mind and heart are just churning for a while.  Y’all probably can relate.