A few weeks ago I attempted suicide via overdose. I'm not sure exactly why but I've been chronically suicidal for at least a decade. I started getting frustrated with the massive cocktail of medication I was on that didn't seem to be helping. I fell into a depression and every day it just seemed to get deeper and darker. I realized how many more loops I have to jump through to get referrals for gender-confirming sugery. I became increasingly hopeless about my future and just ate every pill in my possession. I made an attempt in April in which I just became unresponsive and just woke up in the hospital. This time, I blacked out from the meds and went into psychosis: smashing my head repeatedly against the wall, screaming, locking myself in the bathroom which had to be broken down and I had to be restrained by my (new) roommate and there was cops and EMTs and it was very messy. I spent almost a week in the hospital but wasn't offered much medical support or follow up. I'm trying super hard to get my life back to together. People were really supportive while I was in the hospital but now I'm out and still struggling really hard, everyone around me is frustrated. My roommate is really angry with me, really hurt by my actions and really worried. I don't know how I can make it better. I want to be forgiven but I know I put everyone through so much and I feel so much shame I don't know where to go from here. I'm back in full-time education and overwhelmed. I feel like my life just causes havoc on everyone around me, but if I took it nobody would forgive me.