I don't personally have bpd. Also not asking for a diagnosis.

Long story short, I was about to divorce my wife. Talked to my counselor, he thought she might have bpd, the symptoms from my point of view fit to a t. I asked her to get help, she said no and got really upset that I wanted her to get help in the first place. What am I supposed to do? Give her a help or divorce ultimatum? On one hand, she has me at my wits end, I'm so stressed I'm starting to get chest pains. On the other, how can I abandon someone that is suffering through no fault of her own? What  am I supposed to do?

I'm just hoping some of you that have experienced the other side of this have some suggestions, thanks.