Quiet bpd here with crossover of avoidant personality disorder. 

I’ve been trying to put this in words for so long, so please try to mind the rambling. 

I’m here sitting and i can’t even explain it. I’m so lost of who i am that i don’t know how to act or what’s real. Since i can remember, i have always been known as “bossy.” like as a child my mom would get on me about being kind of controlling towards my friends while we were playing outside or stuff like that. Idk why i mention that, but i still find myself being that way. it’s weird because you’d think someone whose bossy is very confident and outgoing, but i’m actually very shy, awkward, and the most insecure person i know. But when i get close to someone, i catch myself saying things that are kind of off setting. Idk. When i’m asked to describe myself in front of a class i choke up because nothing makes sense in my head. I can’t even read memes about zodiac signs because i’m like ?¿ same with questions like “morning or night” “beach or mountains” .... etc. it’s not really a bit deal, those questions, but jt effects me a lot more than it sounds. I’ve only had one girlfriend, or “fp” i’ll say (because after reading up on that term, that’s definitely it) and my whole personality while dating her was simply copied.