Hello everyone. I'd like to apologize in advance if my English is bad, it is not my native language. I'm just very depressed right now and would like to hear if anyone has gone or going through something similar. It's gonna be a fairly long story but I would really appreciate it if you read it. Thank you!

So I am 19 studying in a university in Russia. I've always been emotionally reserved, at least during my teenage years. I never had any hobbies besides playing video games, but it didn't interfere with my studies. And it seemed fine to me that I never wanted to go outside with my friends. In the beginning of my university life, studying became fairly hard, I started to become tired even easier than before, and became even more nervous than in school. It was no longer easy for me to study there, but I coped somehow. But two years ago I fell in love for the first time in my life. I didn't even understand what the feeling was at first, it was that new to me. At that time I realized I felt happy for the first time in my life, I finally understood then why people actually enjoy living. So I was very happy for a month or so (I wasn't tired, I became happier). And soon I kind of turned into the me that was before the relationship (tired all the time, unhappy and grumpy). 

It's been two years since then, and it's as if I am a completely different person now. The worst part for me is that sometimes I even think that maybe it is the real me, and I'm not going to be able to be the happy me again. I don't wan to be "this" me. It sucks. I started taking medication but I even doubt sometimes that I am depressed. Because on the one hand  I've been like this for the most of my life, but on the other hand I realize that the way I am feeling right now can't be normal.