i don't remember much from my childhood. the small moments i do remember are traumatic. it really sucks. i've had but one wish since i was little. a simple wish really. to be loved. to be cared for. i never thought that was asking for much. but i guess it was. i was never loved. no, no, it was worse. instead i was lonely, and i was sad. i had no one, and the only thing i wanted, was to be loved. but that never happened. instead i was hated. but i never did anything. i was just a little kid, what could i possibly have done to deserve what i went through. i was just a little kid who wanted to be loved. 

fast forward to now, as a result of the love i never received, as a result of all the shit i've been through, i now have bpd. do you know what that means? well, let me tell you. it means that i hurt everyone i love, it means that i push others away, that i treat them shitty without knowing why, that i self sabotage, that i'm toxic. it means that no matter what i do, no matter how hard i try, i'll always be alone, that i'll never be loved. the one thing i've wanted since i was little. that one simple wish, forever out of my reach. why? because i was never loved. isn't that funny?