Existence...why is it ..if not to indulge in the pleasures of the flesh? What if at the same time you have that inner battle, the conviction that tells you promiscuity is wrong with STIs to prove it, eating sugar is bad with  a gut covering your natural abs, drinking to much is only masking a root issue paired with mind bending hangovers and really bad choices, smoking is building tar in your lungs and only pushing the can down the road.   33rd year, had a nervous breakdown at 24.  Since then Ive battled with depression, anxiety, hopelessness and just an overall bleak and sour taste of what and why we are here. If you don't have money your in a constant pull or illusion to make more of it .... If you have it...have the basic needs of food, shelter, and able to dress yourself, you ask, we all ask....why is life? Do the things that just feel good....but what happens when they no longer feel good?  What if you've chased..acquired and been able to say" I did that".....the house, the cars, the woman, the suits.....and shoes....and they are all empty. The happiness inst there. What if you looked  in everything you can...religions....spirituality, mind altering substances,   The Bible ...the actual message of the Bible....and yet still your lost....unable to make sense of life. Unable to just be in piece, ok being ok.  There is things to be grateful for but what if you just don't see the point in LIFE? In falling in Love to fall out sooner or later.....To get a new x to just leave it by the wayside. To earn this monopoly currency where ever you may reside, to only play and pay into the sick, twisted game of ultimate control we all are aware is coming to pass and daily ushering in.  To play into this fake society of image, of nice things because the portals we stare into all day subconsciously program us to judge certain inputs from what we see in our realities. Its a complete mind F to go deeper into awareness to only find out that many of the TRUTHS are true....the things that are priceless are many times free, yet this reality runs on greed, vanity and at the core evil. I don't know what is worse, being in complete ignorance and playing into the very unfair systems and in the process reinforcing the matrix or being aware and having tried....having tried to figure out a better existence. I live in a beach, and have free and open days...but yet that saying is true ....and cant be said any better                                                                                          "Ya running and ya running  
And ya running away  
Ya running and ya running  
But ya can't run away from yourself  
Can't run away from yourself"