i’ve had so many rocky relationships this year. a 7 month relationship was ended in may of this year, and that ended definitely due to my fucking BPD bullshit mania. I threatened to kill myself, and to be fair he took it WAY too far and ended up traumatizing me, but it was never a good relationship to start. He just made me so sad.

But just recently I got back into the relationship game and I’m dating the most amazing boy. We’ve been together for less than a month. We both have mental health issues and we’re really compatible, but I’m scared I’ll become the same jealous, irritable person that I was to my previous boyfriend. 

I definitely clung onto my previous boyfriend, as if he was the most important thing in the world. I also physically clung to him, I was the touchiest girlfriend ever. I’d cry if I didn’t cuddle him every single day. We argued constantly. I was so INTENSELY jealous and didn’t really trust him with anyone. He never listened to me and always did things to make me feel slutty, etc. 

but my new boyfriend. God. I think we work so well together. I don’t get sad when he doesn’t respond to my texts but I can still see he’s online. My mind actually listens to itself when I think “huh, he must just be distracted or forgot to text me back. No biggie.” It’s the best feeling ever. He travels a lot but I don’t get suicidal when he leaves. I know he’s still gonna be the same old Erik when he comes back. He won’t abandon me or forget about me while he’s gone, and when he comes back he’ll squeeze all of the sad out of me. Even when he’s gone, I’m still happy. I just miss him and look forward to him coming back. I can relate to his feelings, we went through the same emo phases and shit like that, we both smoke weed together, we have killer sex, and we’re both pretty laid back. I’ve never met someone who is a better fit for me. This is the most insane shit. I didn’t think it was possible. 

Sorry if this post is stupid, I’m just baffled at how well I’m behaving. 