I’ve been with my wife now since 2016. She has bpd but hasn’t been medicated for years. When we first met she was in a low place due to a job loss. She got back on her feet, gained some qualifications and a new job, and we saved for our own place together complete with three cats.

This year has been a complete flop. She’s always had ups and downs but this year myself and my parents have really had to take the fall for it. Early this year we booked a weekend away. We ended up going out of town, and I paid for all of the trip, with the idea in mind that she’d pay me back. (Never happens) she spent the entire trip drinking with a friend I had no idea lived there, and I was concerned because about a month before she had gotten drunk, asked for a divorce out of the blue, drunk drove her friends around, then got violent when caught. It was a horrible night. This trip was about the same. The whole day was focussed on drinking and spending money she didn’t have. She maxed out her credit card (over the limit) and has owed between 7-8000 since. She earns about triple that in a year. The first night of the trip I expressed my concerns about her drinking. She stormed off with this friend and left me in a new city on my own. I called my dad who drove five hours to get me so that I would be safe after two strangers tried to coerce me into their room after she’d left. My wife stayed the night on some strangers floor and had to bus back on her own. She had no money to her name for two weeks afterwards. We sought help from psych services for her breakdowns and anger and it was unsuccessful.

Flash forward about a month or two and she started acting strange again. Wouldn’t kiss me, wouldn’t touch me, constantly watching porn, smoking cigarettes and weed, and drinking, blowing money on everything. Had no motivation to do anything at all. Didn’t have the money for basics like food or the power bill. One night she asked if we could go to the supermarket. She drove us in the wrong direction, pulled over, and she she was suicidal, she wanted to move out and live on the streets, and get a divorce. I took her back to psych services. They referred her to addiction services and she had one session and then they never called her back.

The rest of this year has gone somewhat positively. We’ve have many other trips away. She was paying back her debt. Barely drinking, reducing the smoking. Seemed mostly emotionally stable however was still continuously watching porn (a few videos every day, with no days when she doesn’t). We started trying for a family with a donor (as a lesbian couple) and I got pregnant straight away. We started looking to buy our first home. We lost the baby at 5w2d and she showed next to no emotion about it after the day of the loss. She accused me of faking a pregnancy. She maxed out her card again over the limit and now again owes close to 8000. She spent that money on weed, smokes and alcohol. 

Yesturday we went out to see a painting job my dad had arranged for her. She couldn’t fit it in with her normal work schedule. She was angry all day, angry about the directions I was giving her off google maps, angry that she had no money, no smokes and no gas to drive all the way out to the country in her own car. She was angry that my dad was late to the meeting due to visiting a sick family member in hospital. She was horrible to be around. Naturally, she didn’t get given the job and she got progressively worse throughout the day.  She stormed out of the cafe we were at afterwards when my dad asked a question, and sat in the car and cried. She nearly drove us head first into another car on the way home. I would literally be dead if I hadn’t reached for the handbreak. She’s not apologised for her reckless driving. She sat on the couch for eight hours moping and crying and refusing to look at me. I asked her a question and she grabbed her keys and stormed off in her car. Turns out she went and brought alcohol and sat at the park on her own drinking it. It’s like parenting a child, but no matter what I do I can’t do anything right.

Her mood lasted all day. I checked her search history on the computer and it was all about porn and how to get a divorce. I confronted her when she got home and she told me she didn’t love me this week, and so I’ve offered her an ultimatum; get help or she can move out. I’m tired of my life constantly improving while hers is always a mess. We were meant to be having our second try for a baby next week, and she’s taking away what is meant to be an exciting and happy time for us. I feel like I’ve made the right decision.