Well, I'm... here. What do I do?
Things have been.. rough, I guess. I don't know how to put this without sounding like an asshole, or making my friends seem like assholes, but- ah, fuck it. I got out of a relationship a while ago. It's been a bit less than a year now. I don't miss my girlfriend, to be honest I don't care about them anymore. It's just what they said to me that has been weighing on me. I admit, I fucked up. My mental state was- is- horrible. I constantly needed to talk because, to be honest, I had no one else to turn to. In my weak defense, they did tell me I was free to vent to them, and they never said I couldn't. But maybe I went a bit overboard. I was a problem for them. That's not me just being self critical, no, that's what they told me. Blatantly. I was the problem. Since then... I can't bring myself to talk to anyone. I'm filled with resentment towards the people around me. Now, I guess this statement is pure assumption, but I know my friends don't like me. They don't want me around. Whether they say it outright ("No one likes you" "This is why you don't have friends" "Shut up, I don't care"), show me through actions (ex. hitting me, punching me, slapping me, etc), or just seem like they do, I know. I don't talk to them outside of school. I don't like talking to them anymore. Everything I say is wrong. Everything I do is wrong. I can't do anything right. Is there even a point in sticking around? For what? Randos I meet on the internet? (No offense, I bet you guys are great.) I barely have a social life. Reaching out is hard when people criticize you at every single damn turn. I mean, if you're gonna call me out for being a dick, that's one thing, but when it's for just existing? Just being me? Just having interests, trying to make others laugh, trying to make others happy? Is there even a point in trying anymore, if it's in vein? I don't know how else to say it. I hate my friends. I hate my friends so goddamn much. They're annyoying pieces of shit who don't care in the slightest about me. The real me. 
And so... I've been ghosting my friends for weeks (months?). I don't think they've noticed, cuz they don't try to reach out. But hey, if they aren't gonna put any effort in, why should I? Why should I even fucking be here? I don't think it'd matter if I offed myself anymore. 
Sorry, I'm being extreme. But how can I not be? I'm overwhelmed. I want to drop them. They might as well not be associated with me now, but whatever. 
Gosh, I don't know where I'm going with this. Nowhere? I swear, my only outlet is my art and music. Not like it matters if I make anything, I don't bother to post much. But, if I do, I get lots of praise from people I've never met. I like it. 
I want to tell them how I feel. How I want to kill myself, how I wish they'd just be straight and drop me already. How I wish they wouldn't hurt me. How I wish they'd just try. How I wish they'd listen to me. How I wish they'd respect the real me. But I know better. I've learned venting to your friends is a bad idea. Ship will just crash and burn. 
I guess that's why I'm here. Hate talking to myself all the time. Or to no one. If anyone has any advice, or just nice words, I really need them right now. Especially before I do something stupid again. Thanks in advance? If you read this far... another thank you. It means a lot to be heard, finally. I'm sorry if I don't respond to comments right away, I'm on "do not disturb" all the time. Helps with my mental health. But I'll try to check reddit as often as I can. Thanks again. &lt;3