It all started when I was talking to my friends online. I was talking and they interrupted me and I took it as they don't like me and that I'm a bad friend. My mood instantly switched and I started telling myself that I'm a bad friend and that I don't deserve anything. After that I got right off without saying bye and I started panicking because I didn't know if they actually hated me or not, like I wasn't sure if it was just in my head or if they disliked me, it felt like the world was ending cause I was panicking so much. The thing is you wouldn't be able to tell If I was panicking, it was all internal.

After that I went downstairs and got mad because I was bored and started to argue with my dad and complaining that we don't have much to do around the house. I kept asking why after everything he was saying, I don't know why, I just didn't feel like myself. I ended up yelling at him and he was yelling back. He said how he's going to bring me back to the hospital (I went to behavioral hospitals when I was little and have had traumatic experiences and he knows that.) and he said how he'll be so happy when I'm gone and that I'm not worth anything. He used to physically and verbally abuse me when I was little. Anyway I went back upstairs and just cried. I eventually told myself that I don't deserve anything and instantly smashed my monitor, ripped posters off my wall and just ripped my room apart. My anger was so explosive and this happened later on in the night as well. I yelled so loud and my dad came up and started yelling at me, we got into another verbal fight. He left and I did the same thing, cried, told myself I was worthless and broke something else. 

I think the reason why this all started was because I was worrying so much about if my friends hated me or not for interrupting me a couple times. It felt so real, like I thought our friendship was over.

Anyway I made my way onto the couch and started to talk to my mom, we argued and I yelled, cried, laughed all at the same time. I had a strong urge to punch the wall so I did. My dad was yelling at me calling me worthless and so I went back up to my room and sat there for 10 minutes and felt calm again.

I'm really bad at explaining things so I hope you understand what I'm saying. Anyway I don't know what this is, BPD? Bipolar Disorder? Do know that my anger was extremely explosive, I went from just slightly arguing with zero urge to punch to wall to yelling and smashing things. I also cried, yelled, and screamed in under a few seconds.

I just want to know what this is, I'm thinking BPD but idk.