hello! i wanted some tips from y’all about educating a partner about bpd. we’re both college students. they hadn’t heard about the illness until i told them i was diagnosed, and i can see it affecting our relationship pretty badly recently. 

so, i’m constantly splitting on them, terrified not only about how they feel about me but also at this point how i feel about them (because of how often i split.) we’re in a long distance relationship so we’re not monogamous, which obviously comes with an additional set of insecurities. 

i also can’t help but feel the need to keep testing them. i struggle with the vulnerability of outwardly asking for reassurance (tips for this would help too!) so at the slightest perceived rejection (i also have adhd so my rsd is exceptionally sensitive) i withdraw emotionally and don’t come back until they respond adequately to some stupid test i set up/subtle question they answer and react appropriately to. 

they also struggle with severe mental health issues so our conversations are somewhat inconsistent. we’re both easily overwhelmed, constantly exhausted and unable to make time for each other. he’s usually too disassociated to note when i do, and i panic whenever he does because it’s hard not to take it personally even when i know it has nothing to do w me. i fear some part of me is even reassured by the instability of our relationship because i get bored and understimulated when he’s perfectly reliable or sweet. 

thank you so much for reading, i’d really appreciate any input about what parts of the illness to talk to them about, how to approach the subject, and how not to absolutely resent myself and fear their abandonment while doing so. 

i think i feel differently and strongly enough about them to be honest about this and put the work in. they’ve made it abundantly clear that they’re willing to learn and be supportive too.