Just wanna see if other people feel the same way as me or if it differs a lot. I’ll just put how I feel.

For me it feels like a constant pressure, even if you laugh, it’s momentary and not true happiness. You try to act happy for everybody else in your family. There is a void where your emotions used to be, filled with hopelessness. It feels like I’m not connected to myself, that I’m not really even there. Like I am inside of my head, and just walking around in a flesh suit, not me. I feel like I’m in a bubble and really disconnected. Sometimes there is extreme brain fog where I look at words and know what they mean, but I can’t comprehend them. Like everything good in life turns bad when you step in. Like you want to be happy, but you haven’t found anything worth being happy about or living for. Your family, if they are still there, could be loving, but they are also holding you back from getting out of this miserable place. You are living only for them. You try to find an outlet to it all, but it only releases whats on the surface, and whats deep inside is rooted so far it is impossible to get out. You don’t like doing anything, so you just do what’s easy, because “So what? I’ll be dead soon anyways” but it never happens, and you have to live through your mistakes that you thought you wouldn’t be there to live through. You feel so guilty for nothing, you sometimes overthink, but other times you couldn’t care less, the world will always be against you anyways.

I don’t know, there’s more to it that is just so deep and hard to explain, but that’s just how I would describe depression so far.