I (22f) have suffered from severe social anxiety for as long as I can remember. Meeting new people is agonizing for me and I have a never-ending list of more specific, equally stupid things I mentally and physcially can't force myself to do (speaking to strangers on the phone, ordering a sandwich at Subway, opening email responses, going on lines with cashiers instead of self checkout at the supermarket, etc.)

When I'm in a situation that triggers my anxiety, I can't force myself to do what I need to, no matter how hard I try. It's like I'm paralyzed every time. I've only had one long-term friend in my life (she pursued a friendship when I was too anxious to) and she gets mad at me all the time for self-sabotaging. I try so hard to be normal and not to act like a freak, but she tells me I'm ruining my own life. 

I'm entering my final year of college in the fall, and I still have no friends there. Every time I have to speak up in class, I get so anxious I want to throw up. I've had to go with randomly assigned roommates every semester because they all get weirded out by my reticence and move somewhere else as soon as possible. My family and I have a bad relationship because they've emotionally abused me and gaslighted me about my anxiety ever since I started showing signs of it. 

I've never spoken to a therapist because I'm still on my parents' insurance and they refuse to pay for it, but I know I need help. My mother took away my phone, my car keys, and told me I can't leave the house for the rest of the summer because I screwed up a job interview the other day. I've been in a little bit of a depressive episode since (I've also suffered from those for quite some time) and no one in my house will talk to me. 

I guess I just don't know where to go from here. My anxiety has never been worse and I feel like my existence is pretty worthless. Any advice or anxiety managing tips or anything would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.