I dont want to be here anymore. After years of failing and never having anything I wanted I finally worked so hard and got so close. I lost weight. I was doing well at a great job. I was close to getting a dog. And I almost had the girl of my dreams. And for once in my life I had my issues under control. And I lost all of it. 

I have unexpected undiagnosed health issues causing me extreme pain daily. I can't work anymore and am close to losing my job. I has to spend my dog fund just to stay afloat. And the girl of my dreams got fucked up, messed around with me after I told her no and lied to me. Told me everything I wanted to hear my whole life. And now she is distant from me because she regrets it. 

I just dont know what to do anymore. Even when I'm not the one fucking up I'm still the loser. I'll never be successful. I'll never be wanted. I'll never be healthy. I'll never be happy. No matter what I do or how much I change. I'll always be the loser. And I just dont want to live with that anymore.