i’m not doing very well at the moment. my paranoia has really kicked in and is at its worst today, and i can feel a panic attack coming on. 

i feel like a burden to my fp. she’s the most amazing person, she’s so kind and warm and funny and she makes me giddy but lately she’s been distant because she’s busy and it’s really triggered my paranoia. the worst part is that she goes out of her way to reassure me that she’s just busy and that everything’s okay with us but it’s telling me that she’s lying and that she’s going to leave and i can feel myself starting to split and i don’t want to. 

she’s been so patient with me and i can’t help feeling like i don’t deserve her and she deserves better but i’m too selfish to let her go. i just feel sick to my stomach right now and needed to get all of these thoughts out because no one in my family understands bpd

i’ve received a diagnosis but i had to stop dbt after a couple of sessions because i couldn’t afford it