Dont know if I have a disorder but it seems like every day now I think about suicide.  I'm not where I wanna be in life, and lately I cant even fake being happy.  I feel like I'm trapped in a prison I can never escape.  I'll never be able to leave my current life situation.  Feels like every Avenue is cut off to me.  Feels like I have never had a choice in my own life towards anything I've just been trying to make parents happy with school to get financial support but since the pandemic have felt like college isnt worth it for me although I've completed most of it. I tried to get a certification in the field that my degree would put me in to bypass that process but no longer feel like that's possible either.  Been trying to find a job in this sea of fucking jobs and cant cause people see the gap in my job history, or think I don't have enough references.  I feel like I've failed a race I didnt even knew existed.  Everyone I know has a better life than I do.