I’ve always been told I was too much. Too dramatic too sensitive too crazy. I’ve learned that it is best for me to not be extremely emotionally involved in my relationships. The times I have been very emotionally involved I find myself often experiencing feelings of jealousy, anger, hurt, betrayal, and mostly extreme sadness. Before I was diagnosed I genuinely just thought I was weird and obsessive towards people I care about. Nowadays I find the only friendships I have are ones that are very emotionally distant. I formed these relationships subconsciously. I do have one singular friend that I trust with my emotions and that knows a little bit of my past and mental health history. We recently got into a pretty intense argument about something he did that triggered some of my “betrayal” trauma. I came off wrong about it and afterwards I explained to him that I was sorry and my response was a part of my mental health struggles. He said that he is not my therapist or my emotional dump and I completely understand and agree with him but this argument sent me into a breakdown. Sobbing, ripping my hair out, minor self harm all because I realized once again that I am too much. No matter how hard I try not to feel the things I feel they will not go away. I could try not to express those things to friends but then I don’t truly have friends. It is an endless cycle of keep quiet about my intense emotions and have no true friends or try to express my emotions and scare away true friends. I can’t help feeling like I am pitying myself too much but I really don’t know what to do. I feel emotionally abusive.