 I’ve got this “thing that’s constantly going off in my head here my anxiety and early age PTSD combined into a force that has left me unable to sleep, eat, or even relax.

Basically I remember almost everything about most interactions I have had throughout my life. The event, the time, the exact location, what I felt and an over exaggerated idea of what everyone else thought. It’s driving me insane, ruminating is one thing, but for me, all the memories are in 4K and can  destroy my head space in like a second. My anxiety will actively aim to bring up every “bad” or bad thing that’s ever happened to me or everything that I did 24/7 and by the looks of it, it’s been second nature for my brain to store all these thoughts and memories for the past 15 years, so it’s not like I can turn it off. It seems that my brain is unable to filter out any information and just remembers things I don’t remotely care about. 
All my mistakes, awkward interactions, everything constantly being thrown at me. 
My mind has never been clear and I’ve only thought of death in regards to at least getting 1 minute of silence. 

I deleted contacts and erased the people who I truly knew weren’t my actual friends from my life, have moved to the other side of the country, removed myself from anyone’s social media pages. Trying to start anew, but still it feels as if I’m stuck in this horrible mind-state and it’s as if everything and everyone is right here right now. And at this point it’s hard to function at all. 

I’m screaming, convulsing in my sleep and talking out loud in public to tell myself to calm down. 

Does anyone have an idea of what’s going on? 
Thank you for reading. 


TL;DR My brain hates me.