I promise I'm not just some kid who doesn't like life, I'm really terrified of what I might have. Here's why:

•I cannot keep a friendship for more than three weeks 
•in sed friendship I am really intense and in your face 
• I am thinking of jumping out my window one minute and then I see a flower and suddenly I want to protect it with all my heart, and this is big because I can get angry quicker than you could say why. 
• I feel lonely for the longest times and then I feel suddenly loved for no reason 
•I have no control over what I say or do and it's affecting my relationships. I will suddenly go to the most awkward or rude thing u can think of and say it without thinking at all. 
• I hate being alone. Like will cry if I'm in a house alone. I will cry bloody murder if I can't hear anyone or see anyone. 
• I have angry outbursts for no reason and will have awful rows because of this. •I do impulsive awful stuff like ill just do something destructive for no reason. I'll look at a light for example and just want to smash it and I have no idea why. 
• I always think people are going to leave me so I test them, and its impossible for them to pass, and then I dump them. I completely cut them out so I'm alone. 
•When I’m feeling insecure in a relationship, I tend to lash out 
•I often feel empty. 
•my self esteem shifts throughout the day. I think I'm a monster for the littlest thing one minute but then I think I'm really good and a good person because I smiled at someone. 
•I am constantly paranoid.
•I can follow instructions unless you point or say a colour, my brain just doesn't function that way. If you pit my phone on a shelf and then said to me, " your phone is on the shelf" it would take me a good 10 minutes finding it, regardless of where it was. 
•I feel the extremes of everything. The emotions, all broiling anger, the bitterest loneliness or the deepest hurt. I can never just feel a little bit anything. 

Help. I want to know. please?