Today is the hardest day of the year for me. I have to avoid facebook so I dont have to see all the posts about people's "heroes". It brings me to a dark void of emptiness. I'm such a fuck up that my own father wants nothing to do with me. I don't deserve his love, or anyone's. I want to get so drunk that I can't remember the pain of him looking at me and saying "we never had a relationship so there is no point in starting one now". All these feeling are mixing together inside me in a very toxic way. I really don't have any friends to talk to because I feel like I'll never be able to be comfortable around them. There will always be something stopping me being true, or real. I'm all by myself and I always will be. 