I am just surprised,  how long I endured this pain and suffering. I don't know y I kept going.

I wish I ended my life 5 or 6 years ago, I could have saved myself so much pain and suffering.

I guess I probably had some kind of hope of getting better.

But , now I am certain It wont get  better, its been too long, this is all I have known for too long.

I just have to plan everything,  its time. Just not sure when.