I’m so tired of starting off with the sentence “I” because it automatically gives me the impression that i’m being self centered or whiny, complaining about the life i’m “blessed” with. Why as the days grow longer do I feel more complete yet alone? Why are the only times I feel alive is when I wanna die? I honestly believe this maybe my own personal Hell. A dimension where balance is the only quest but the negative outweighs the positive. I feel disconnected to people almost like I don’t believe they’re truly in person before me. I feel no genuineness, only motive or purpose. I have a lot of ideas of what I want my life experience to detail.. Yet it also feels predetermined despite not knowing any outcome. When I close my eyes I can feel my in a higher frequency, but it just feels like the energy is wasted when I open them again. I always hear about the “End”.. what about the beginning? 

I don’t expect anyone to actually care or read this. Hopefully God does and pushes me into the right direction.. Maybe my purpose is just pain and sorrow. We’ll find out on the next episode of will I kill myself today 😂. Gotta joke to keep the pain away. Balance right?