I'm not much of a poster or even a commenter, but lately my life has been spiraling downwards and I don't know what to do. Long story short(ish) I was in an on again off again extremely toxic relationship for almost two years. There was a lot of fault on both ends. Him not wanting to commit at first and lots of emotional abuse and me not being able to trust him once he finally decided to commit and being very mean to him because of how he had treated me in the past ultimately lead to our final break up.  He started dating someone a week later and has been with girl since. He immediately moved in and committed to her and they are now planning a wedding(unfortunately we still have mutual friends I'm not getting rid of). It has been a year and a half since we broke up and I still can't seem to accept my FP is not coming back. And since the engagement announcement I've fell into my old ways of drinking and gambling and being far too impulse about everything. I think I'm depressed but it's more of a numbness and not feeling and I'm not even sure I wanna pull myself back out of it. I know it takes time to get over things, but 1.5 years seems like plenty of time to not think of this person every single day. Also, i guess it doesn't help my self esteem and other issues mutual friend describes this girl as me...if I wasn't crazy. I've worked too hard to fall back down again but I don't think I have the strength to keep up this facade of happiness anymore. 