I am done with my life. I don't like living, I hate my life, I don't have friends, my acne is getting worse, I'm getting fat when I actually was losing weight and looking normal. I want to end my life, I'm trying to be rational, but my mind just fucks with me. I thought the suicidal episodes were over, but it just began again. I don't wanna harm myself or others. I don't love myself, but try and love other people.
The worst part is that I am not old, in fact I am in my early teens, and I know that some of you idiots will say "Oh but you're too young to be depressed" and that type of bullshit; but everyone can get a mental disease at any time.
I entered puberty at 8, and everything just spiraled downwards after. I do not know why thia happens to me. I have planned my suicide 2 times, one when I was 11, the other i was 12 (I am probably forgetting others), and I do not know if this time I will actually attempt it.

I have tried talking with my family and friends, but they just criticize me, and now I have trust issues and am afraid to opem up. The only one that understands me is my best friend, she is 15 (we haven't met yet) it is an online friendship and I know I can trust her (the friendship has been going on for well over a year now), but she has a good social life and doesn't talk to me that much.
I am afraid that I will end my life here and harm my relatives and friends. I don't want to give them any guilt over my death, so I want it to look like an accident.

I don't know what to do or how to do it, but I want help, and have been for over half a decade.
If these were my last words, please don't let the people I know think it was their fault. I am sorry.