Hey everyone, this is my first (and probably only) post on here and I just need to vent a little.

I'm a 21 year old male that's unemployed and with no goals or interests to pursue and I feel so lost.

I've always had horrible self esteem and never been able to look at myself in the mirror, I've been single my entire life, I've never kissed a girl or had sex which makes me sad when I see all my friends go out and hooking up and meet people, you know how it is. And my self esteem is also low because of my average penis (I know it's nothing that matters but it's just thanks to porn that I have unrealistic expectations and my biggest fear is to get laughed at or rejected because of size, can't tell you why.)

And the past 5 or so years I've pretty much been completely alone. Haven't met any new friends, haven't done anything productive so I just feel lazy and like a failure. I graduated around 3 years ago and since then I've been on antidepressants, talked to a psychiatrist and started working out but nothing seems to help, the thing I honestly want the most right now is just to have someone to talk to that understands and can relate to my feelings. I don't want to be depressed but I can't see myself getting better and sooner or later I might do something I regret. The thought of suicide pops into my head scarily often (Not like I actually want to go through with anything, but just the idea is something I can't stop thinking about.)

&amp;#x200B;

If anyone that reads this feels like they can share some stuff of give me advice I'd greatly appreciate it. I just really need to get some stuff off my chest. Thank you for reading and take care.