Am I just inherently incapable of loving people or something? I cut ties with basically the love of my life a week ago, and I still feel nothing. I wrote a message, then ghosted someone I spent a lot of time with. Someone I said was the love of my life. Someone I wanted to keep forever. Someone I loved to hold close and didn't want to ever let go off. Considering how significant this person was, and the time spent together, and how in love we were, I am again confused. I don't know whether it's my brain numbing me, or I am just actually a numb shell of a person, generating random fake  emotions, that always seem to disappear again, with new fake intense emotions. 

Everything I do, and feels, seems fake, cause it cycles itself out always. Nothing stays the same. The time I spent with this person now seems like a hazy dream. It's making me wonder whether anything I feel is real. I discard the people I think I love, and I don't feel any love after it's done. But what happens after a cut, is that I just feel an intense need for new stimulation so that I can keep myself motivated to live - through new people, get them to love me, or depend on me, until I can't stand them, or myself anymore - and the basic need for new ones happens all over again. The intensity of my need for approval that I feel with people in the beginnings, overshadows everything else. It's a pointless shallow quest that I always find myself on. Not real