My ex always told me “why do you hold back with other people but not me?” And no matter how many times o told him i DO hold back my full fury most of the time he never believed me.

Now we are roommates and he moved his adult son in without asking me…he just told me he was moving back in.

I’ve tried to be nice and connect…but yesterday after arguing about LGBTQ rights he told me he never wanted to speak to be about anything again (because i pushed the issue of what if it was HIS son).

His son is super dramatic about everything. Today the smoke alarm went off. It goes off every time someone takes a shower. I don’t know why.  He’s like “omg, i don’t know what it is…its so loud” then his dad, my ex is like “what’s going on?!”

And i just lost it…I’m like “its the fucking smoke alarm. You guys have lived here for 4 years. I can’t believe you don’t know what the fucking smoke alarm is”

Roommate got all pissy and i told him…

for years you’ve accused me of never holding back my emotions with you never believing me when i said i do…so why the fuck should i try anymore and tiptoe around your feelings about my emotions…here, have my full wrath. I’d pop off to my own kids the same way when I’m emotional like this. 

But i said…I’d also apologize knowing its not their fault I’m reacting this way…so I’m sorry.

Im so fucking done. He wants to see me for who i really am. Fine. He wants to see what my BPD is like without my filters. FUCKING FINE!!!

Because for years he’s been fucking telling me i just need to use my tools or find better tools.

FUCKER, WHAT DO YOU THINK I HAVE BEEN DOING?!  See my BPD in ALL its fucking glory. All I’ve shown you is the self hatred and emotional instability…who want the unabridged anger and wrath, here it is fucker.