It’s the only solution I can think of. I’ve been up all night going from crying to happy then back to crying. Every FP I’ve ever had has always been my romantic partner/boyfriend. I didn’t date anyone at all in 2020 and my moods were so much more stable and my symptoms had almost vanished. The only catch was that I felt completely empty and depressed. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for only a few weeks and I’m a disaster. I don’t remember ever being this bad. He is my FP and I am absolutely obsessed with him. I’ve probably split 50 times in the last 24 hours. One minute I’m anxious crying, telling myself that he’s going to leave me soon and I’m not as important to him as he is to me. Telling myself that he’s probably out cheating on me or he’s bored with me and that’s why he hasn’t replied to my text. Not just that, but I’ve been obsessively jealous of his past. He has a colorful sexual history and a toddler that he isn’t involved in raising because the mother doesn’t want anything to do with him. I’m not necessarily concerned about him having a kid, but I’m scared he’ll abandon me to go raise his child or get back together with the mother. When I feel positive, I feel like I can be a normal person dating, taking things slowly and not overthinking his past or overthinking about what might happen in the future. I tell myself to just see what happens. It might work out or it might not. And it’s okay if it doesn’t work out, that I’ll survive. He’s my dream guy and he’s shown me no red flags. But my splitting and fear of abandonment is out of control. I can’t handle having a FP, which means I can’t be in a relationship. Probably not ever. It breaks my heart because all I want is to be happily married one day. But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to handle how severe my bpd gets when I’m in a relationship.