Hi, I’m 18F. My bestfriend 18F birthdays just came up and I ended up not going last minute due to feeling super anxious that she wanted to have dinner about an hour and a half away from where we live. Her boyfriend 18M would’ve been coming with us as well. I didn’t think anything much of it because I would’ve met him for the first time since they are LDR and he lives across the country. The thought of feeling like a 3rd wheel did come up in my mind alot though. Overall, I just couldnt get myself to want to go even though I felt bad because it was her special day. 

The thought and actually being in a car for long periods of time makes me very anxious. I even almost didn’t want to go to my highschool graduation a few days ago because I had to be in a bus with all of my classmates. I was never excited about graduation and I still don’t care about it. I always thought I might’ve had bad claustrophobia but I’m not even sure anymore. I faced my fears and went on the bus and sat next to a fairly new friend. My palms and feet were sweating, my stomach was tense, I was shaking as well, my emetophobia got triggered as well? When the bus was moving and the breeze was on me I finally felt a sense of calmess and relief briefly.

Whenever I am in situations like these, on the bus, school assemblies, in a car, my body can’t control itself but panic. It’s not always, but definitely often. I learned to “subtly” panic so nobody notices. I usually get quiet and fidget with my hair on the outside, while I’m complete different on the inside. When I think back to elementary, the same panic thing would happen to me at school assemblies.

I would have thoughts of how I can escape the situation so I can calm down. For example: During my graduation, I wanted to get up from my seat so badly. I wanted to stop the panic but I couldn’t because we were on stage with around 300 people watching from the audience and my classmates all around me. I didnt want to cause a scene so I sat there fidgeting the entire time with my hands dripping with sweat and my stomach tight and clenched and my body shaking.

I literally don’t know what I’m dealing with but I am seeking help soon. Does anyone go through this?