Mostly a vent to get my worst feelings out about these hardcore daily flashbacks. The depression is getting exhausting to keep fighting against and the intrusive memories that I instantly put the most negative spin on is getting me fearful, anxious and depressed. 

I've been keeping a good attitude and been proud of the way I've been handling it so far and how I'm managing my life on the outside, despite the mess I'm in on the inside.  

In the mornings (I'm finally on a normal schedule after a year of being way off) I start off with a clean slate and I start my day. By 7am the flashbacks start and I'm paralyzed and cant change gears, I dont have a single thought to myself that isnt a cringe memory of myself. I also go down a rabbit hole of being in panic over thinking about worse case scenarios and deepest fears. I'm very exhausted and usually have to take a late morning nap to get through the worst of it. These flashbacks last for hours. It happens again in the evening. 
I'm on meds for the schizoaffective disorder which help the voices completely, but the anxiety builds on the anxiety from the ptsd. 
I'm functioning and managing my life well despite. I have a positive attitude most of the time. Deep down I think the suffering of my existence will go down to a tolerable level with getting out of my comfort zone and work. It's just very easy to think the worst case scenario when that's all that's stuck on a loop of fear and panic. It's hard to not feel like a victim constantly. 
I dont know if anyone can relate, or if I'm on my own with these feelings. Either way its helpful to have a voice against the pain.