Today I helped house clean, saw my friend, and went jogging but by 8pm I just felt exhausted. It’s another reminder to me how abnormal my life has become. My friend moves away around the end of the year. My psychotic symptoms are flaring up but I feel like if I were well, I would work on things I might like to do with my life once the friend is gone. If there wasn’t covid, I might still attend support groups in person but now the online groups make me uncomfortable and are run by student doctors instead of peers and they can be kind of aggressive. I wish we could have some visitors from China at some point because it’s fun taking them out to see beaches and bbq. The new house is turning out really well and I’m excited to live in it, but my poor mental health makes me want to travel or visit relatives, find a partner, or just do something to feel like life is good again. My mental health is starting to go from bad to worse and I have tried just about every med besides clozapine. I feel like both my positive and negative symptoms have been worsening.