Hi everyone! I'm marking this as "venting" because I guess I already know the answer - get out of customer service. But I really hate feeling like such a failure, so I'm hoping to get some stuff off my chest.

Basically, I've "worked" three customer service positions in the past year and a half. One was in retail and kind of traumatizing, another I quit after orientation because I knew my anxiety would be too bad for me to handle, but this last one has been at a quiet, low-key library. I've been there 4 months, and I thought it'd be a perfect match, but I'm just struggling with the same things I've always been.

As soon as I have to interact with anyone in any way that isn't checking in/out books, I fall apart. I've broken policy with fines because I'm too scared to tell someone no, or have them argue with me. Just yesterday I essentially shorted a patron 15 cents for printing because my anxiety overwhelmed me. In these situations, I believe that everything I say/do is wrong, I have no confidence in myself, and my coworker gave me a lecture about how I have to act more like a person in a position of authority, which is what's prompted me to put in my two weeks, because, though they were 100% in the right to tell me that, I feel like I just can't do it. These are tasks a monkey could probably figure out - giving change on a register, answering the phone and ordering a book - which only increases the shame.

The worst part is having all my past mistakes circling around in my head, replaying them over and over again, and the guilt just gets worse over time. I feel so disappointed in myself. I'm in therapy, but can't manage to convince myself that I don't just deserve to feel this way at this point.

Thanks sm to anyone who reads this wall of text!!