I want to get of my meds. I'm currently on two daily and one as needed. To be specific, a high dose antidepressant and an antipsychotic and an anxiety med as needed. I've been doing really well on these meds now. I've been on them for over a year and the past two months have shown me to be somewhat stable. 

Here's the problem. My psych doctor says I'm doing so well that she doesn't want to remove the meds. She agreed to let me stay on them til our next meet and then lower the high dose antidepressant by 150mg. And then wait a bit and lower it yet again by 150mg then take it out completely. Then work on the antipsychotic. Which is a start. But I am so worried I'm going to regress and have a massive episode and hurt myself. Even on all these dosages I still have self harm thoughts. No actions. The suicidal thoughts have lessened to being very rare now whereas it was every day all day thinking. 

I'm bringing this up now because I don't know if I'll be able to be stable off these drugs. I want off them so bad. I hate taking them. But whenever I miss a dose I have a massive episode within a few days. I guess I'm just venting because I know the response is going to be "talk to your doctor". I just... I dunno. 

Am I wrong for wanting to be off of these pills? I feel like they're holding me back in life. And making it so I'm not experiencing the whole truth of life. It... I dunno. 

Any advice? Besides the aforementioned "talk to the doc"