Trigger warning of suicide and bad thoughts

I have been in a relationship for just over a year and a half.

He didn't know I had bpd until recently 

For the past 2 months we haven't been good.

Back and forth He shut down emotionally but also wasn't coping with how I was.

One night I couldn't calm my brain and sat on the motorway bridge. Couldn't cope with him not being there and being cold , stuff with my job had gone bad , I wasn't talking to my parents and the small support system collapsed. Other things to but you get the idea

I came back and hour and a half having told myself despite how strong the idea is go home. I went to bed He said nothing

An hour later he came in and goes what's up. I said I feel the worst I've ever felt , I felt low,  I wanted to end it I've been at the motorway bridge.  I'm in a dark place and suicidal and some of that is due to you not being there for me anymore and I'm not coping with life and my thoughts 

He said I'm being emotionally manipulative 

Am I??

I'm just struggling so much and have tried to talk about suicidal thoughts and it's always that I'm being emotionally manipulative

At no point have I said it to stop him leaving.  Usually I don't mention it as nobody understands