TW mentions of death


I (F17) have BPD, and having crushes is one of the hardest things for me. It feels like no one understands how much I want this person to love me. We’ve only spoken for 5 days but i long for their replies and all i want to do is talk to them. I hate this feeling. When theyre not talking to me I just want to disappear. If the conversation seems to be ending i panic and try anything to keep them talking to me. They left me on read 10 minutes ago and I just want to die. It’s like theres no point in anything unless im talking to them. Idk why i decided to post this, I just want to let it out to people who might understand. Ive tried to explain it to my friends before but none of them understand fully (i get that, they dont have bpd so i never really expected them to completely get it). I just feel so numb and hollow