I am 41 (birthday just in dec) and have been suffering with anxiety since I csn remember bit due to abusive parents I never knew what it was or what triggers me. I'm a sped teacher and as well and have been focusing all of my energy helping my students all while ignoring my own issues. Well this year I had a parent attempt to charge me with abusing her child ( it was bogus and found unwarranted by dcfs) but the dam fucking broke with my anxiety. I spiraled within a month with the nega tdd I've self talk and overall depression. I almost whit my job and my wife almost left me. I decided to see a psychiatrist and took some time off before the xmas break. I've seen her twice now and I'm realizing that I am suffering with anxiety, she actually broke through with me this past session to see that I never had people around me as a tyke telling that I was good but instead blaming me for their own issues so of course as an adult I'm trained to blame myself well before anything happens. 

I've never realized how quickly I can get sucked into my own thoughts and how demonstrative they can be. I'm hoping I can get on some meds soon. I spiraled tonight on the way to a party and almost shut down for the entire time. I knew what was happening in the moment but felt trapped, like a prisoner in my own head.