First of all I should mention that I (34 F) have depression, anxiety and Borderline Personality Disorder. After my ex-boyfriend dumped me I became suicidal for a while. I quickly turned to dating apps and it was a struggle, as most of the men were interested only in one night stands (with me). So after a couple of months which felt as long as years, I finally met a guy (34 M) whom I was not only attracted to but also made it clear from the second date that he wants a relationship with me. That made me insanely happy. What’s more, when we are physically together (and alone) he treats me like a queen. He listens to me, he touches me and kisses me and cuddles with me constantly. It feels right. It feels like I can let my guard down and enjoy the presence of this man. At this point, we’ve been together for about 3 months.

However, here come the red flags:

1. When we are apart, he hardly initiates communication. In the beginning, I expressed that not staying in touch at all between dates hurts me. He said that that’s just who he is and he doesn’t like to call or text anyone, including his family and friends. Nonetheless, every evening he doesn’t spend with me, he spends with friends. I find it hard to believe that he never initiates communication, yet he manages to maintain such super close connections. It is true that, in time, he has begun to be more thoughtful and he really impressed me when he was out of town over the holidays. He texted and/or called me every day during that time.
2. One night we were drinking cocktails and he let it slip out that he wants to fuck all his female friends. What the actual fuck? When I mentioned it the next day, he said that’s true but he is not going to do it because he has a girlfriend, namely me.
3. The sex. It is some of the most interesting sex I’ve ever had. We have a mild BDSM dynamic, where he is dominant and I am submissive. I like that, I want that. However, he has some erectile dysfunction that he never discusses, he just pretends it does not exist. What’s more, I give him a blow job 70% of the times we have sex but he has not gone down on me once yet. I asked him once, in the beginning of our relationship, if he is ever going to do it and he said sure, if I want to, but I should keep in mind that he is not good at it. I should mention that I never have an orgasm with him, and it happened to me with men only a handful of times in my life.
4. A few days ago I had an appointment with my gynecologist. He knew about it and he texted me the next morning to ask how it went. I told him there are 2 benign growths in my uterus that may have to be surgically removed. He did not reply to that at all. The next text I got from him was 24 hours later asking me if we are still on for that night.
5. When we are in the presence of friends (either mine or his), he makes absolutely no effort to include me in the conversation, does not touch or kiss me at all and basically acts like I am not there. I am not one for PDA but this feels extreme. I also have social anxiety so engaging in conversations, especially with people I don’t know, is very difficult for me.

Writing all this makes me think that I haven’t done him justice because he really is a sweet guy when we are together, which is about 3 times a week. I also struggle a lot with my BPD and fear of abandonment. These two things make me incredibly insecure and I need a lot of reassurance and positive reinforcement. These are things that I am not getting from him. Whenever I specifically ask to be reassured, he becomes defensive and doesn’t know what to say, to the point that he said I ask too much of him.

So there you have it. My head hurts from constantly thinking about him and about whether I am falling for the wrong guy yet again and whether he is going to hurt me and how much. Even though all I have written is highly subjective and does not contain the whole picture, I would like to ask you kind internet strangers what you think. Does this sound like a worthwhile relationship for someone with my issues? Is he a dick? What should I do, if anything?

TL;DR: I have BPD and I am unsure about my new relationship. He is great when we are alone together but distant and cold the rest of the time.