I had a debate with a friend (topic is unimportant). I find opinion based discussions to be overwhelming because I'm supposed to be mindful of someone else's feelings which is embarrassingly hard for me. I want to be. I want to be thoughtful and loving and respectful so much so that it amazes me how not natural it feels. 

Anyway, I THINK I managed to do it. I think I managed to express an opinion in a level headed way while not belittling or dismissing her point as well. But I don't know. I reread everything (it's through text so tone is so hard to read) and I was panic-stricken because I can't tell and she went to bed. I had a million thoughts running through about "how little it all matters anyway and why do I have to be like this and why can't I just let this go. I felt like I lost a friend and I kept thinking about how that made sense because I'm awful and I can't believe she put up with me all this time. I'm exhausting. I'm too intense. I've been let go of by my FP and my husband needs his space from me sometimes because I move so fast and loud and wouldn't it just be better if I was dead? I'm so tired."

But...

I'm okay. These thoughts don't make sense. It's okay for people to need breaks or to be frustrated during a conversation about politics or religion or some other touchy subject. It's okay for people to want their space. It's nothing to hurt myself over. It's not important enough to dwell on. I hope you all are doing okay or at the very least better than I was doing about an hour ago. It's a pretty low bar (haha) so I hope that's the case.