Quick background: I am currently cycling through manic episodes due to starting a new job soon and I have crippling social anxiety and I desperately need help because I am very poor and this is a good job and I'm scared if I don't get readjusted medically I'm going to do the wrong thing. Problem is I keep getting sent around and around like GARBAGE. If I was any weaker mentally I truthfully would have committed suicide AGAIN. This is an email I sent to the new psychologist regarding what's been happening the last few days. I feel like I needed to share my story so that others seeking help do not get stuck in this same scam loop. 

Good Afternoon, 

I believe we have a miscommunication of what should happen next regarding my mental health care. I have already seen Dr *redacted* for services in the past. I cannot see *redacted* due to a conflict of interest. She works for *redacted* and I used to work for them and I am never giving my information to that company. *redacted* is a social worker and I believe my case is out of scope for her services. I Left a VM to Dr. *redacted* to call me back today indicating I am a referral from you. You also said that I need a male professional and you only offered 2? One of them clearly not being an option. 

I said in our meeting that I am sick of being tossed around and here I am doing the same exact thing. How do you expect people to get help if professionals are just wasting patients' time and money by saying "I am not qualified to take your case". It sounds like an excuse and that no one actually wants to help. 

I want to make myself very clear. The day after our appointment *redacted* decided to treat me as if I was a business opportunity and wanted to put me through a "drug rehab program" for using weed? I thought you and I understood that my weed use is prescribed for a specific purpose and that the weed is losing its strength for that purpose. This is why I needed to see my psychiatrist. I never got a call from her directly unfortunately. She instead made a decision for me on my behalf without my consent. I got a call from an admissions agent to pull me into the program. He even knew my information and what insurance I was carrying and already called my insurance to clear rehab services. Now my insurance thinks I am still using drugs and is actively looking for help and im getting rehab letter suggestions when THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT. I can get off of weed myself without any help. I told you I already went through rehab once. It is a direct invasion of my privacy that my information got to *redacted* and highly offensive that professionals keep treating me as JUST a drug addict when that is not the actual problem. Just in case you ,or apparently the rest of the professionals, were not aware Bipolar patients get off meds to use because an episode is doing more damage than the medications can control. It is too slow to wait 2 and a half weeks to see a psychiatrist for a drug adjustment change. It will always be too late to respond to a drug binge as the episode starts around the same time making it difficult to get help in time. I am actively seeking a preventative care solution not a quick fix. 

All I need is a psychologist to talk through the crazy experiences I get while following the psychiatrists instructions for medication. I thought that was a basic service in Psychology. I am starting to realize that what is happening to me is called Unethical conduct, specifically "Planting false memories in a patient". Specifically, any time I speak to a medical professional and drugs come up that rehab is mentioned. This is some type of conditioning to MAKE me think that I am an addict when I am not. This is not exclusive to you. I am much more than just a drug user and this stigma of drug users seems to be getting in the way of getting real help. It seems that I have to now manipulate psychologists by never telling them I used drugs in the first place because the second I do the first thing that is offered is rehab as if it's the only solution that exists and then I never get to treat the real issues regarding bipolar. Drug rehab only highlighted that there really is a problem underneath everything by being sober for 4 months. The problems did not go away with no drug use and you would know that if we spent more time talking about it rather than immediately sending me off to someone else for a problem that has already been solved. 

Quite literally at this point I don't think anyone can help me. You said it yourself, some of the awareness I have takes patients up to 6 months before actually getting to that point. I did that by myself with no help. I keep getting sent around in the same loop over and over again. Rehab is just a glorified baby sitting service for adults, it didnt do anything for me except point me in the direction of mental health services. That's how I managed to find you. You sending me back or anyone sending me back is a waste of time and money. 

My path is very clear, Speak to a psychologist regularly, Take my medication, Identify triggers and remove historical trauma and hope for the best. Why is this so hard get accomplished? everywhere I read regarding bipolar says to do these exact steps. Books, Forums, Youtube, Articles, and even mental health chat rooms and meetings all say the same thing. To me this seems like common knowledge and makes me question why you are sending me away when this information is so readily available. If you didn't want to work with me you could've just said so and not charge my insurance. 

After rereading this I think I should have just taken the hint that you just simply cannot help and shouldnt judge you for it. I am just pissed of suffering for so long without help and then everyone telling me to get help and when I FINALLY go to get help this is how I'm treated. If this is how Mental Health really is like it makes me sad of how much of a failure the system is built up to be. According to my insurance just last year, mental health care providers charged $*redacted* to my insurance. All I have to show for it is a journal full of mood charts, some medications that sometimes work, and way more questions about psychology professional conduct than I should be aware of. 

TL;DR 

If you use drugs you're always going to just be a low life piece of shit to society and you deserve to die. There is no real help in psychology as it's built and designed for people who have money. They don't give a fuck what mental problem you have underneath. All they will ever care about is how long can they keep you spending money for services you don't need. Your mental health is not the priority, their bottom line is the real priority.