But the part about that that pisses me off the most isn’t… my own depression. Isn’t my unattainable happiness. Isn’t the fact I’ll be alone until I’ve died. It’s the fact that I’ve ruined so many friendships I’ve cared about… so many potential meaningful relationships, I’ve ruined so many friendships because of this. I’ve pushed people away. I’ve stopped responding. I’ve left. I can’t help it. I wish that I could somehow explain its not me, I’m sorry. 

But… it is me. 

I’m sorry.