Been struggling with it for 10 fucking years now.  10 years.  It has only gotten worse.  Which i didn’t even think was possible.  Been on every kind of medication.  Had every kind of therapy nothing works.  

Feel so stuck in this bullshit cycle of life and I just want it to end.  But the idea of just leaving seems so cowardly to me.  But at some point I’m afraid I’ll break.  

I don’t even know what’s what right now.  I should most likely be in the psych ward right now, but I can’t bring myself to even do that.  

Had a crisis team show up here last week because I missed an appointment and I lied through my teeth that I was “ok”.  

I’ve got kids that need me…I think? I know their mom isn’t there for them at the moment so how can I just leave them with her when they need my help? 

Loneliness, no friends, Divorce, lost jobs, eviction, chronic illness’. What’s the point of life it’s just going to be so fucking shitty.