I get random separation anxiety even after short periods of time of my (internet) FP not interacting with me. We're not truly close but we have known each other for some time. It's only been about three days without him talking to me but I feel like he's trying to distance himself from me and I'm turning hopeless. I'm afraid to get affirmation/validation from him because then he'll really hate me. The last thing I want to do is do that when we hardly even talk to each other much at all. I self harmed last night thinking too much about how much he must hate me and how he's having trouble trying to confront me and say that he wants to cut contact. I'm just trying to distract myself but the thought is so hard to push back. This is happening often but it's been getting worse, for a few days I thought he hated me because he wasn't responding to my last text when I know that's a common thing for him to do and I was starting to grow angry at him though I didn't tell him so. He knows I have BPD but he doesn't seem to know much about it so I can't blame him for being less attentive to my worries especially when to me they are so irrational. But a few days later he was very friendly very briefly with me again and I felt on top of the world. It is a cycle since we don't really hold conversations often or long, but it feels like every time the cycle re-cycles, the hatred and fear goes stronger, I split harder and I feel worse and worse. I seriously feel that he hates me and it's hard for me to shake. It didn't use to be like this three or so months ago. I'm jealous of all his friends that get his attention now while I feel like he doesn't hold the same feelings he used to have for me just a little time ago. I often just wish I had never gotten into his life and bothered him. I'm stressed out and I'm disgusted with myself that I feel this way. I'm really sorry for so much text, I'm just frustrated and on the verge of breaking down. I don't want to go to any of my friends for this. I won't be seeing my therapist face-to-face for another month and a half.