does anyone feel like their family/partner blames your borderline on things that might not even be borderline, just emotions?

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i know that I overreact sometimes. I know I split Sometimes. But I also think that it’s much easier to blame my borderline on my feelings than for them to examine their behavior that caused the feelings.

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I think I’ve trained myself to shut down my own feelings because it’s easier to blame my borderline and invalidate my feelings.

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when I think objectively about some things that have happened, when I talked to someone I trust about some of the ways I have been spoken to/treated, they told me that that was unacceptable And that anyone would be upset about it. i agree but I have been taught to question my own feelings constantly.

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im just so confused. I know I do mess up sometimes, but statistically, realistically, I know there’s no way that EVERYTHING is an overreaction. There’s no way that it’s my fault EVERY time.

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I feel crazy. I’ve been putting my feelings aside so long. I can’t tell what’s real and I’ve hated myself for so long that it’s so easy for me to just go along with blaming myself.

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I have a hard time regulating my emotions, but I can’t be over reacting every time, right? I also never raise my voice at others. I don’t insult. I don’t name call. Sometimes things will escalate into an argument and sometimes I have meltdowns but I always pick up the pieces. I’m very genuine when I apologize and always take action to make up for it. 

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I know I’ve made mistakes. I know! But when is it gonna stop being all my fault all the time?