I (25f) got diagnosed about a year ago with bpd after being misdiagnosed since i was 17 years old. I live in England so have been actually waiting for DBT for over 2 years now through the NHS and i still haven’t started my course. 

Right now I’m hitting an absolute low point in my life and i do NOT know how to cope or what coping mechanisms i should use for BPD. 

5 years ago i started a journey onto medication for what was supposedly just anxiety and depression. When i say i tried every single anti-depressant that my doctors and psychiatrist could offer me to no avail. I made the decision in February this year to be unmedicated for the first time in a long time. I went through the worst withdrawals of my life and honestly didn’t want to be alive anymore. Following on from that, my partner then decided to leave me because he “just wanted to be single” after 3 years together. At this point i had just started a new job and couldn’t give myself time to properly feel my emotions. I got suicidal again for a short time, but slowly started making progress after losing my FP. I realised how unhappy i had been in the relationship for over a year and the only reason i had held on was because of my incessant need to people please to make myself feel better.

I hit a high after this, i was working my ass off and was in the best place for a month. I had had a happy work meeting with my manager (31m, we will call him John.) one day about how i had been dealing with the break up and work and said i was in a great place. Then out of nowhere he messaged me outside of work and it went from there.

We made an instant but unexpected connection. We spoke frequently every day and went on dates and he became my favourite person in every way, he didnt judge me for my mental health he took everything in his stride and he was ridiculously smitten with me. John looked at me as if i was a gift from god. He told me he loved me first and that he wanted to be with me officially but was waiting for a nice moment to ask. I then got fired the day before my probation ended and john had known about it for days and was so upset he couldnt say anything to me. Thats when he seemed to change.


Fast forward two months and he has now ended things because he says he cant focus on anything due to his own poor mental health and  circumstances surrounding his kids and life. I am broken. He is going through a lot but i do not know how to cope with this loss of another FP.

I am obsessing every day with the situation, it all i think about and im trying so hard to fill my time with being unemployed. Im reading, gaming, going for walks, listening to music, learning to play guitar, drawing, started a college course, but none of these “self care” tips are actually bringing my mind away from it all. I dont have close friends and ive always been an introvert/extremely happy in my own company. I let myself feel every emotion and i ride them out and dont try and hide. 

I cant get myself out of this, my world has completely collapsed and the only reason i wake up in the morning is so that my family don’t call me lazy or a bum or are disappointed in me. 

I really need some ideas to help cope as I’m teetering on the edge.