I woke up today just feeling tired of my shit. Tired of the way I treat people, tired of playing the victim. But I took such a long time opening up to people for that very reason, I didn't want to push people away or burden anyone. But that's what ended up happening and now I just feel horrible. I've spent so much time away from some friends I don't think they even give a shit so I can't message them. Maybe if I just wait it out. Ultimately I wish I could just learn not to give a shit, but it's turned into nihilism almost.