Rant or whatever...

The lead up to Christmas is all kinds of difficult for me for a plethora of childhood trauma reasons. Yesterday it treated myself to an entire 23 hours of sleep because it’s the closest feeling to not being alive 🥰 and this morning I was awoken with an intense wave of emotions. 
I’ve spent Christmas alone on many occasions and this one wasn’t going to be any different. Holy hell has this morning been bad. What started out with me aggressively self harming without my partners knowledge probably turned out becoming everybody’s business. 

Today was a throwing, breaking and screaming breakdown. My partners mother and sister were on the way to pick up my partner as they knew I was spending it alone as that was pre planned. 

They all arrived mid crisis and as lovely as my partners mum is she and my partner both accused me of emotionally manipulating my partner by having him stay with me when I am quite literally ready to kms. This obviously threw me even more off the handles.

They wouldn’t leave until crisis line was contacted them so obviously I hastily called them and me mentioning that Christmas was a trigger they told me to wait it out even though I had actively been self harming and displaying signs of suicidal ideation. 
Today has quite literally been awful and I would kindly like the world to swallow me up now. 

Tldr:partner and his mum accused me of being emotionally blackmailing him to my face during a crisis.