My sister died last year. Shortly after my boyfriend of 13 years and I broke up. I now live on my own for the first time in my 40 years on this dying planet. I have no friends: I cut communication with most of my “friends” over a decade ago when I quit drugs and then even more when I stopped being an alcoholic a few years after that. The person I’m now in a relationship with refuses to put me first even once in a while and spends my days off with his friends and work people, I’m simply an afterthought — if he’s not too drunk after his time with them, he’ll decide to see me. 

I have never felt so alone in my entire life, and I have previously spent many many years in solitude. This is… something different, this is me stuck in the whirlwind of a void that only sucks me deeper down as each excruciating second minute hour day passes.