This is going to a long post but if you have the time to read, I would really appreciate it. 



I kind of want someone else's opinion on my medication other than my doctors. So I have had a very hard life to say the least, My childhood was far from sweet and I experienced a new very traumatizing experience probably once a month from the moment I was born and that followed me all the way too my teenage years. 

My parents were very bad drug addicts, So we're my siblings and I was the youngest I suffered very bad anger spells and would rage out for attention also had some suicide attempts very young I think first one was when I was 9 years old than more 11, 12, 13, 15, 18 and 20 but besides the point. 

Fast forward too let's say 12 years old I started smoking alot of weed and drinking pretty heavy until I was 15. When I was 15 I got into a really bad car accident which left me doa, I woke up in the hospital strapped too a bed which made me very angry, Around this time I had been experimenting with Hallusagenic drugs also and had somewhat of an "enlightenment" I wasn't angry anymore or have uncomfortable anger fits where I would destroy everything, That part of me died when I was 15 but when I tried something called SAS which is pretty much MDMA I had a bad reaction,


I Was panicking very bad all night after that one dose of MDMA first time I had ever experienced anxiety. I woke up the next day, Rolled a blunt lit it and all of a sudden I was panicking not knowing what was going on with my body I went home crying to my mom telling her I was dying that feeling lasted an entire year, I never got on any meds for it. 


I used hydroxyzine as needed but it just made me sleep and I felt really disconnected from reality in that time, I wouldn't even sit on my porch I was terrified of the sky,, My ears rang and I had huge pressure in my ears made me feel like I was on an airplane. I was completely agrophobic at 15 years old and I had no idea what agrophobia even was until I was 23, When I turned 16 and I just... snapped out of it out of nowhere it lasted one year. I never talked to a therapist, I was diagnosed one time by a CPS worker who came to my house and that was it.. I dropped completely out of school at 15 so my 8th grade year and never went back. The judge granted it due to my mental illness. 



I lived totally normal, No anxiety.. no panic no medications of any kinds. I wouldn't travel or go on vacation, Because it scared me and made me think I was going to panic so I avoided it all the way up till I was 23 years old., I tried last July 21 and nope got all the way too the boarding and refused to take another step.. But in all  I went 8 years, No anxiety No panic. Just.. normal. Ive always struggled with not feeling good enough or ruining my relationships by being the one too "end it first" because I was so scared someone would break my heart and I had enough of that in my life. 


Well I recently went through long periods of stress and I'm talking very bad stress not your everyday "wtf" like.. the worst case senerio every day for a year of my life. There is a brightside, I had my daughter but for some reason.. and I think it was due too the stress I was under 9 months into her life I woke up one morning in panic high anxiety.. and having panic attacks I found out i had covid late September 21 and it sent me through a spiral. I was panicking every moment of the day, I was given 1mg lorazpam and took vitamins d &amp; c for the covid twice a day for 2 weeks and 1mg lorazpam twice a day for that time also. 


I woke up 2 weeks later and I was fine for a month no anxiety No panic no fear than boom 1.5 months later I woke up having a total normal conversation with my bestfriend and I panicked... that panic spiraled out of control I think because I was so scared for my daughter I'm a stay at home mom and all she has so I wasn't sleeping I wasnt eating it was really bad. I was at the hospital 4x a week, I refused to be alone I couldn't go in public or drive my car my vision was very sharpened my hearing was very fragile like loud noises hurt so bad Than one time I went they gave me haldol injection and OMG that made my anxiety SO much worse for 3 weeks I couldn't sit still I paced non stop crying panic mode for well... 2 months than I decided I would start zoloft 25mg. That lasted 2 weeks, Sleep or eating was not improved. I went up to 50mg  for 3 weeks and sleep got a little better and I was eating fine but still very panicky and anxious 24/7.  


I am now on 75mg zoloft for 4 weeks and I'm sleeping way better eating way better and can relax just still very anxious.. I feel brain fog still and get some weird aide effects I guess my main question just based off my story here is if you think I actually have a chemical imbalance or just need to do this solo again like the first time. I'm not sure but I'd love some insight from other people. I also take up to 0.5 lorazpam daily 


I was just recently diagnosed with Severe ptsd, Mild depression, GAD and Panic disorder. No agrophobia this time thank God.