So for the last year and a half, I have been 100% positive the entire time I was on the cusp of getting a 100k+ programming job. I worked part-time like \~10hrs a week on average during that time and did self-learning and job search stuff an average of maybe 1hr a day. I had 4 interviews, none of which I was even close in. I was basically a mild version of the stereotypical NEET. Multiple people, especially my therapist, kept telling me that I was disconnected from reality career-wise, and I didn't listen.

Last night it clicked on me that he was right, and I fucked up. I'm not on the cusp of poverty or anything, but I'm struggling to not despise myself for this shit.

How do you recover from dumb decisions you made while delusional? How do you forgive yourself? I know self-hatred just enables this sort of thing in the future, but I don't know how to not do it.