I haven't been to school since November, and this week I went back. I struggle with social anxiety and have no friends. As soon as I got back my teachers were giving me midterm on top of midterm, so much stuff. 

Today I just couldn't go I felt really sick this morning and my whole body was tired despite going to bed at 8pm. Around December I weighed 120 pounds but all of a sudden I started losing weight randomly. I weighed 114 yesterday and today I weigh 110, my body feels super light and I'm shaking lots.

 My mom was very mad at me and my brothers didn't get up to go to school either (they are in elementary) they kept saying 'why doesn't Myname have to go to school?!?' Then my mom replied with 'well you know what's going to happen to her? She's going to have to repeat the grade!" 
I'm so scared. I don't want to repeat the year, I've worked so hard to get here. Before 2 years ago I was a straight A student 90%- 100% on every test, I was every teacher's favorite. I've been trying really hard, having lots of internal conflicts trying to convince myself to go to school, to do my work, and to love myself. 

When I was in french class yesterday the teacher turned on a short audio book we had to listen to and reply to questions on paper. I couldn't understand a single. Thing. The lady was talking so fast her french accent was so thick I couldn't answer any of the questions. I've been in french class for  over 10 years why couldn't I understand.

 I'm ruining everyone's life I know they all hate me. My teachers probably hate me because I never turn in my work I'm just a huge burden on them. My parents hate me,  I'm ruining my siblings future they aren't going to school because of me and I'm ruining my own future. I feel like I'm crazy, I've imagined my future self hating me and being broke because I couldn't do school properly. I disappointed my whole family and all of my teachers that have ever taught me, all of their hard work only for me to be a failure.