The past almost 10 months have been the hardest worst times of my life. I’ve always had  a decent amount of anxiety and a little depression. I wouldn’t even call it depression, just a little blue sometimes. But these past 9-10 months have been so hard for me. Every day of my life I feel the deep almost debilitating heart beat making it hard to breathe, waking up to that feeling is the worst thing I can describe..just makes me want to bawl when that’s the first thing I experience when I wake up. The constant feeling that I want to gag or puke from the anxiety. Having no true enjoyment out of anything, no matter how hard I try. I can only fake it. I haven’t been truly relaxed and at peace for so long. I have a wife and  a little daughter who I love so much. I know they deserve so so much better than me, the way I’ve ruined their lives with my depression and anxiety. I know my wife gets frustrated going thru this for almost a year. I feel like I’ve wasted the last 9-10 months of my daughters life, and that absolutely kills me. Missing these special little moments. Playing more with her etc. I just don’t have the energy to like I should. It kills me. I try to talk about how I feel to my wife and my mom (the only two I feel comfortable talking to) My mom has so much on her plate. And my wife is going thru some family issues, so I feel guilty even burdening them with my feelings and issues. Aka why I’m posting here. I honestly feel like I’ve lost my mind, and I’m just so so so tired of feeling this way. I’ve dreamed about just going to sleep and never waking up, and then ultimately feel guilty to even think of that, with a wife and daughter. I know my wife deserves better than me and she would probably move on at some point. But my daughter is the only thing keeping me going. I know I need to be on meds, but I’m so scared I’ll be put on the wrong ones and make my mind even worse, and make these intrusive thoughts even worse. I’m so scared of it. I just want the suffering to end and have my life back. I’ve never been much of a user if Reddit, but this is the only place I can think of to vent how I truly feel. Anyone else struggling too, I hope you find peace ❤️