i wake up with delusions and i go to bed with delusions. when i was younger i was paranoid about being shot in the head and wouldn't go near windows. not just as a kid. it was from 12-14 when i was homeschooled. dread having friends come over because i can't tell what's normal behavior. rooms a mess. can't tell if my mom hates me or not. can't tell if i want to eat or if im just bored. i heard a voice telling me to go outside a couple days back, felt like he was going to kill me if i did. some days i think I'm invincible. some nights i can't sleep because the dreams feel too real and i want to cry when i wake up. if I don't take my meds on time i become hateful and violent and so paranoid that i turn off my lights and hide for hours. ive started telling people to go away in my sleep.  i hide under my blanket all day and hope that no one bothers me. the meds don't work anymore, maybe i should just stop trying to make it make sense.