Does anyone else indulge in really self destructive behaviours when you’re feeling shitty, or in turn when you can’t feel anything at all in order to try to make yourself feel again? 

I find myself using casual sex. Like I have the insight to see it’s not gonna help and to know I’m hooking up with random guys to try and make myself feel wanted and good about myself for a little while, yet I STILL do it and can’t help myself. Wtf is that all about? Anyone else do this?

My brain will literally say ‘why are you doing this? You know this will make you feel worse later! You know this kinda behaviour is just a temporary ‘high’ to make you feel something and won’t fix your problems but looks like you’re gonna do it anyhow?!’ 

It makes me mad at myself that I have the insight to know it’s wrong/unhelpful/damaging yet I can’t help myself and do it anyway. Uggggh BPD makes me really fucking stupid sometimes! 🤦🏼‍♀️