My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for four years. The later half of the relationship has been long distance due to her going away for med school. We see each other about 3-4 times a year. I am very desperate for some help on how to deal with my situation, so would appreciate any advice.

My girlfriend has bouts of depression. Usually something in her life will trigger this - a colleague saying something, her feeling alone, her feeling every day is the same and lately, her failing an important exam (which she can make up for later). Usually, these episodes follow a pattern. She will usually come to me, and I will try to be as supportive as I can. When I don't end up saying what she was looking for, she will inevitably emotionally withdraw. During this period, she will only send a few words or one-liners via text, devoid of any affection.

For the first few times this happened, I used to give her space and let her be. However, that caused her to lash out at me as she assumed I just didn't care. Which isn't true at all. At this point, after several fights/episodes, I have developed a serious anxiety to her being withdrawn. This also feeds into my anxiety of being abandoned. Because of this anxiety, I now end up asking her and basically pestering her - which also causes her to lash out at me.

In the last 6-12 months, things have been better. We had a fight late last year but none since this till last week. Last week she failed an important exam and has, understandly, been extremely down. She was also late to a medical appointment and the clinic asked her to cancel when she called them to let them know shes running 10 mins later.

I tried to make her feel better saying its human to be late, or get lost in a new area (she did). I did my best to piece together the context on *why* she's down. But she said I didn't get it *as usual* and withdrew. This was last Tuesday and it has been a week of emotional withdrawl. During this time, I have texted her and asked her how she is, if she's eating, if her work is OK and I've gotten basically one-liners in return.

I have been anxious that she will lash out at any minute and I also miss her affection. I am at my wits end on how to be there for her as it seems everything I do is wrong. If I try to explain how this all affects me, she says I'm making her depression about me and I don't know what to answer about that.

For my part, I do go to therapy for my anxiety and relationship issues. It does help but I havent gotten any advice on how to be there for her or how to make her see that I do care about her. This is the hardest thing I've ever done and I don't know what else I can do.