Welp, I got diagnosed with depression on Monday. I was kind of hoping I wouldn't be diagnosed, I thought that since I was so much better than I was in the past that perhaps I was done with it. I kind of just thought I had social anxiety which is why I didn't like to leave my room, or move, or do anything, or felt bad when I talked to people or was out in public too long, and was just afraid of being a bother. I kind of made it a goal to be as little of a bother as possible by hiding away. It would also explain the random waves of dread that I have to keep existing. And that the thought of maintaining my body by regularly feeding it, brushing my teeth, etc was a bother.  I really thought it was social anxiety. Or adhd.

Anyways, I just think it's funny that it was kind of obvious. I just figured that I didn't really deserve to be depressed. I don't think about harming myself or going further. I still enjoy time spent with my friends. So I thought it couldn't possibly be depression. But since it's official I've been more frequently bummed about it. I was wondering if others also felt bummed about getting diagnosed. I was constantly afraid during the testing that I was faking things, or wasting the doctors time, and just being a bother. I'm still worried that I just exaggerated things. And now I'm worried that I'm going to play into the role of a depressed person. What if I start unconsciously exaggerating things? What if I start playing it up? I don't have a filter and I'm worried I'm going to bring it up a lot to my friends and family and they're just gonna get annoyed. I don't feel like dealing with this.