So his mom died last week and he left to go home. I was hurt that he didn't want me there for whatever reason and I've been doing my best to keep quiet about that. Part of what got me through the week is that I had to travel for work.


The plan had been that he'd be back this weekend but he's decided to extend his stay for a week. He has my dog (he left before I left and I didn't want to board him...also I thought he'd be back sooner). So now I'm in this apartment completely alone and going insane for a whole week. And probably not Saturday but Sunday late night or some shit like that. I have no idea how to make it.




Understandably...he's been really weird since his mom died. Like right before he left, he was very loving. Told me he'd send me pics of my dog and talk, etc. We've been together for a year, for reference.


But then he got there and he got really cold. Some days he talks to me more than others. The few other times we've been apart, we normally talk for an hour at night. I'm pretty much freaking out that he's completely not in love with me anymore. And then I get mad at him for that (though I don't express that, which I'm proud of myself for).



What I'm not proud of is that I explicitly ask him if he misses or loves me when I'm on the phone...which I know is not attractive. But moreover, wtf, his mom just died. It would be easier if he talked to me ABOUT THAT but he refuses to talk about it. They didn't have a great relationship, so I don't know if he feels guilt or something right now. I don't know. I have no idea what he's feeling.




I think about him ALL the time. On my work trip, at least I had a lot to do. But now - this week - I work from home and I've got no dog to cuddle. I feel that while I'm missing waking up next to him like bonkers, he doesn't care at all that I'm not with him. I'm not sure he loves me...but do feelings of love change in a matter of a week? I feel like they do.



I'm going crazy inside my own head. I'm going to try and go to my first codependency meeting tomorrow. I don't know if that will help.