my family doesn’t know. my partner does and he’s been more than supportive. i seriously don’t even know how i haven’t made him call the wedding off. we’re getting married in a month and he’s everything i could have asked for. it has nothing to do with getting married, im just battling what seems like a never ending battle of depression. i’ve struggled with anxiety my whole life and for the last year, horrible depression. i had covid and it went down hill from there. my job has been sucking the life out of me. every day i get lost in my thoughts at work. i’ve been trying to find a new job for 9 months now. 
i just had what i think could possibly be a manic episode? i had a meltdown about being anxious for my bach party and not feeling like it fits social media’s expectations and feeling anxious about anyone actually wanting to be there for me. i didn’t want to get out bed, but was also shaking like i had to get physical energy out so i did a full 30 min workout. 

idk what to do. i feel so lost. like my life should be fine on paper but i just can’t be happy. 
thanks for listening