On the outside, everything seems fine. I have a job which pays alright, I have family and a couple of close friends which I love more than anything else. At one point in life I was even succesful in sports and some people probably even looked up to me in some way. That's what it seems like from the outside looking in.

In realiy, I hate my job. I'm just so so tired. Tired of everything. I have no energy nor motivation to do the simplest tasks, i.e cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and such. I just get up, eat and watch movies until I can go back to sleep again. The only time I ever get out of my apartment is when going to work, which I have to do in order to stay afloat.

My biggest fear in life is burdening other people. This goes to such extremities so for example, the heating in my apartment doesn't work. But I'm too tired and anxious to even call my landlord to have it fixed, because I don't want to bother others with my issues. So I'm sitting here in my 15C(59F) cold ass apartment, wrapped with multiple blankets typing this. When relatives and my few friends check in on me on messenger and such I just ignore them, because I can't muster the energy to think of an answer. Thanks to this fear I find it impossible to open up to people, so I just avoid socializing and can't tell anyone about my issues either.

I quit the sport I was doing as well because of my incredible lack of energy and motivation. To top it all off, I live in a cold ass country and it's currently -20C(-4F) all day, and the sun is up for about an hour a day at most. My only joy in life right now is getting absolutely shitface drunk on the weekends so that I can forget about my feelings, if only just for a brief moment.

Will things ever get better, or is this all life is supposed to be? Because if it is, I'm not so sure it's worth living to be completely honest