I’ve had BPD for years but in the past year or two it has gotten to be so severe. I’ve struggled a lot with other things prior  to BPD (i.e. ED) and now everything is blending together in the worst possible way. I feel like I can’t remember anything anymore, I’m dissociating constantly, I’m acting out on behaviors that I know will make things worse, and I just see no end in sight to BPD. Like I feel that there is no end to this and it’ll just consume me. I am so out of touch and feel like I’m fading from the world around me because I can’t escape my head. I’ve been hospitalized and in treatment centers a few times but now that I’m older, I can’t afford to step away from my responsibilities. I don’t know what to do and I feel like I’m on the verge of a complete meltdown. I’m not sure how this will end but I am just hoping for a good day. I have moments/glimpses of happiness but they all vanish so quickly and I forget what it even feels like to not be in pain. All of my coping skills are failing me and I’ve enrolled myself into a clinical trial to try to see if anything can help me. Has anyone else felt like this? If so, what helped you? I’m fearful of myself and have had crisis counseling but it just seems to be getting worse.