 I am a loser. I lack any and all motivation and I have no hope for the future. As much as I hate my dad, I'm a dick to my entire family and I'm constantly bitching. I have no prospects for the future, and I am 19 still living with my parents with zero bills to pay. I know how shit of a person I am, and I feel bad about it but no matter what I always end up regressing to the state I'm in right now. I can't even do several menial adult tasks without breaking down in panicked terror. The idea of having to work for a living fills me with dread, and the concept of owning a house and taking care of it scares me even more. Practices that are basically second nature for everyone else are Brobdingnagian endeavors to me. I can only imagine how much worse I will become in the future. Even now, this letter is proof of my patheticness (is that even a word?)  and self-pity. I find myself thinking about suicide more and more often. I would follow through, if I wasn't so scared. I'm so useless I can't even commit to ending my meaningless existence. I'm a horrible son to my parents and a horrible brother to my siblings, and I just want to crawl into the fetal position and die. I am so utterly devoid of hope for myself and my future that I am at a complete loss at what to do.  I just need some help, but I don't know where to look or who to ask, and I definitely can't go to my family.