I feel so fucking embarrassed. I should have known a kennel job wasn't right for me. I knew the moment my brain shut down and I stopped feeling because I couldn't cry anymore. I would have been terrified had I not been so numb. I just felt everything fall apart around me. All of a sudden, everyone seemed to feel the negative energy that was pouring out of me, unbeknownst to me, and their faces looked so unhappy when they saw me.

I started to hallucinate people in the cages or in the corner of my eye. They all had a light blue shirt. It really freaked me out because they truly felt real. Like they were about to engage with me, and I felt like they were going to catch me red-handed even though I know I did nothing wrong.

I feel so embarrassed. I never wanted to be attached to anyone at work but of course I really liked the trainer. And it seems like I liked her more than she liked me, or maybe she was pretending the whole time. I should have known I couldn't make friends at work. She saw my ass. Everyone did. Now I feel like everyone knows how cr**y I am.

I cried so much. Nobody said anything but one girl was nice. I dont know. Im so used to people crossing boundaries and asking me if I'm ok, which drove me crazy. The one person who did was my trainer and all I said was "I heard about these dogs..."

Everyone has bad days. Maybe that's all it was. But also I think I can't go back. I feel like I just split on my own job. I felt so suicidal, so panicked, so numb, so vulnerable, like at any moment someone would call me out and kick me out. Secretly I wanted that but they didn't say anything. And when it was time to go, I did so wordlessly. I feel like such a horses ass!!!!!!!!!! What's wrong with me??!?!

Thanks for reading