

Well, i am not expect that it’s gonna help me mentally, but this post probably could help me in emotional way, sometimes it’s feels so good to be heard out and have a side of support, and reddit could be a proper place where you can find it that, i think many can agree. The thing, why i am writting this, is because i just simply don’t know what’s going in my life and with my well-being. To me it seems that i have plenty symptoms of various disorders, recently i started to feel spaced out or zone out, i think people here know those terms very well, it’s something like that, when you’re watching at something, but actually u don’t, no object, just your mind take you up somewhere in the clouds, and just lose a touch with reality. This is not the end of the line guys, my self-estem below regular, if someone would say me something sensetive and touchy, i would not mind that, at all, seems i lost my natural feeling of angriness, but anyway i would react, but not because of the feeling, but because i know how i should to “act” when someone disrespect you, but no feelings only fake out, weird, it haven’t happened before, unless i do not remember of my poor memory, my memory also started going downhill ant it is give me a big anxiety. And anxiety always been a big part in my life, the last time when i felt calm and relaxed at the chilhood, from 14 i started suffering suicidal depression, and after one year it slipt away, and actually it doesn’t it’s just owergrown in anxiety disorder ant later on panic attacks i use to have them everyday day also for one year, so right i guess i a new stage, my mind just exausted and tired of everything what was happened from 14 until now i am 20 years old i suffer a long-term misery, at this point, my mind can't create correct sentences, the only thing i can really say when anyone asks me whats wrong is 'i don't know' i really don't know. in that state, i can't think of anything but i don't know. sentences, thinking, logic, it all just hurts my mind more. No energy, no thoughts or my thougts flowing very fastly that i can’t even catch them, none of them they aren’t processable. I think i still suffer depression and i also guess that i started to experience spiritual awakening, i started to see and sense the other people energy, still i can’t explain, but those people who are sleep and just care about the earthly material and all they care is money, they talk nonsense and they just robbering my vitality, i have no energy mentally and physically to perform any sort of task. When i am writting this my minds feels literally overlouded with something and i just don’t know how to put everything correctly in the words, because my problem seems much higher and bigger. At least im out of my comfort zone, i was overstayed in my house for 5 months, now i left not just my house but also the country, it is also possibly has some effect to me, i need time to adjust, but those 5 months didn’t added me any value, all that time i were pleasing myself with porn. How i feel now? Want to be alone, or just want to be understanded at least maybe because of that i want to feel alone, because i don’t know if somwehere is a right person. And in the all i wanted to say that this world sometimes feels unreal, i am looking at this world and honestly i just don’t believe it’s happening.  in general i don’t know who causing me this condition and i think thats all, i will apreciate any back comment.