Ok lemme jump right in. So when I was younger I used to be quite an overweight kid but I honestly didn’t mind it that much until the bullies started talking at school, sure everyone gets bullied at some point in their life but the best bully of all was my mother which lead to me having bulimia and many others things I don’t really have time to discuss . Every goddamn name in the “fat book” she’d call me and constantly find different taunting ways to make me feel bad about my body , the fact that she’s also physically abusive as hell doesn’t help either but that’s unimportant. I honestly thought I was over the whole caring what people think shit but as years go by in almost every relationship I’ve had I’ve always felt like I was less than , like the person who was with me knew I was the lowest of the low but was bored and just put up with me and they were gonna choose someone else over me at any moment because reality is I’m really no prize , now I know it’s no one’s responsibility to let me know none of that is true but it’s so bad that it affects everything I do even now in adulthood , if I so much as sit funny I can hear her voice in the back of my head telling me I look like a washed up whale with a laugh behind it , I hate that I give her that much power over me because you have no idea how much it sucks to go through the day and constantly judge everything about you all because it was instilled in you from a young age that you aren’t enough and never will be. It’s funny cause her favorite phrase was (I don’t meant to get vulgar but yea) “watch how you’ll grow up and no one in life will want you, the only place you’ll be acceptable is here you fat m*therfucker”

Anyways I’ve beeeeeen thinking about it more and more this past week and I swear I thought I forgot all about it but it keeps hitting me like a train and all I know how to do is cry and not talk about it