I'm up all night again tonight. He's ignoring me. 
I got triggered because I can only see him on weekends and lately he hasn't been able to a lot of weekends bc of work. But today he had his kids and went to a get together with them that sounded like a lot of fun and I was upset he didn't invite me. I havent gotten to go to many things and meet his friends and spend time together as a family type thing in the year and a half we've been together. It's a touchy spot for me. 
He kept arguing with me rather than saying he's sorry and he will invite me next time. He gets really defensive and then says he's not doing anything to me and I am upset about nothing. I know it's invalidating but he's not normally like this.  I was really upset, like he called and I couldn't talk through the scream crying I was doing. I guess maybe it's overwhelming and he feels threatened and scared. I also said a bunch of shit to make him feel that way bc he got me really worked up with the arguing. I kept telling him what I wanted to hear and then I apologized for what I said that was bad. But he doesn't seem to care about any of it. He went to bed and said he won't talk to me until he's done working tomorrow. He said he can't see me tomorrow either because he "needs to sleep" which is weird. 
I understand I hurt him with what I said. I wanted him to understand how bad it hurts rn feeling excluded like I do. 
But he explicitly said he's doing this to teach me a lesson, that all I do is push people away. 
I told him it would really help if he could acknowledge the issue at hand and then we could have a conversation about my communication and the hurtful things. That way both of us get what we need. 
But if I fuck up at all I'm totally invalid and I don't get anything from him. It hurts a lot. I stay up all night crying. Wanting to die. Calling him . He knows this does this to me. I begged to just come lay by his side while he sleeps but he won't let me.