I’m aware of how much I’ve grown in my mental health journey, I am. But it’s so hard to feel good about it when it’s always some variation of 1-2 steps forward, 1-2 steps backwards. The Pandemic also hasn’t helped obviously, so much of my progress feels completely wiped due to these last 2 years. I know I’m not alone in that and it’s affected everyone, but fuck I’m just so tired of being this way. 

One of my main coping mechanisms is self-isolating. I feel damn so guilty for brushing off so many of the relationships with those close to me for so long because of my mental illness, but maintaining any connection while I’m in this pit of depressive apathy requires so much energy that I just don’t have… 
They deserve better.

Part of me thinks seeing my old therapist would be a good idea to get some of this out, but I’m so reluctant to for some reason. I think part of it is because I feel like I’m not even the same person as when I last saw him since it’s been so long, so he’d be a stranger again.

Thanks for letting me vent, I haven’t expressed my mental health struggles unfiltered in a long time and I’ve just been so discouraged lately.