I am a 14 year old girl I guess and just don't really enjoy anything anymore. (Sorry if this post is bad. It's the first one i did) I don't even know if I'm depressed or not. I think I'm mostly exhausted. 

I just want to talk with some people about it even if i don't know them. Everyday just feels like an exhausting loop. I get up, go to school, get lots of homework, head back home and most of the time i need to take care of my sister (5 years old) when i come back till 9pm and then i need to finish my homework but everything just feels draining. 

I think my mental state got worse when corona hit. Before that I already thought that I was worthless and had suicidal thoughts (I also cut myself sometimes on the wrist even tho I know it's bad. I mostly did it to punish myself I think) But when we had to study at home it got way worse. Since our home is very old we have to change a lot of it. My dad fixes almost everything here and tries to finish the house while also working to get money and my mom just works most of the time. So since it didn't look that great from outside they wanted to put straps on our house and renovate the roof. I don't remember how much time they had to put on the straps but they only had a few weeks to finish the entire house by themselves. They were just working and I was just always with my sis.

I really like her even if we sometimes don't get along too well but I think I was just way too drained because of so much stress and responsebility( I don't enjoy drawing anymore). My parents don't even really feel like parents to me which I find quite sad. My dad is just a man with anger issues to me who works on our house most of the time and my mom is just working and always exhausted. I now get pretty frustrated over the smallest things and get more easily angry(which I find quite scary since I was never really angry for over 2 years) we just get 2 homeworks, I get stressed, you don't get a day to relax, you have a breakdown (I think I might have even gotten a few panic attacks). I do my homework so late that I always try to sleep inbetween school breaks (even if they're just 5 minutes long). Atleast I convinced my mom to get a therapist for me (the appointment is next year).

I just want to not exist. Sleep or something because I'm way too scared of the effect my death might cause (and the pain from dying) I also don't have the energy to cut myself anymore. I now just slap myself or something or bbeat myself up mentally like always.

(Sorry for this bad post but I don't want to delete it now because I wasted almost an hour to even write this)