i literally want to sob right now i keep lurking and i HATE lurking i absolutely hate when i do it. but i just want to sob right now. because i looked at his social media profiles down to his spotify and i saw another girl made him a playlist and has updated it and i literally want to scream and cry. because i know i was never enough for him!!!!!!!!!!! and i know ive never been enough for anybody. and im just alone and its so scary. 

like i just want things to change and i want to be happier but its so hard not to look down on myself because i do stupid shit like this. i dont have any control over him. he doesnt want to be with me. and yet i let him control ME and how i feel about myself which is awful. i want to throw up and die. i hate myself so much. i literally just want him to come back. i keep blocking and unblocking his number. and i dont think he’ll ever text me. or call me. 

and to top it off im gonna be moving to a huge city by myself in less than a couple of months because im getting kicked out and i feel like i have NO ONE to talk about anything with. like i cant go to therapy right now im just losing my mind. my friends are all busy doing their thing and being happy and i feel like i dont have that.  i feel like my problems are nothing. i feel like everyones finally starting to be happy and im not. 

im tired of feeling sorry for myself. but i just??? I cant handle anything. I cant. i sent myself into this fucking spiral because im a dumb bitch. i shouldve never tried to be more than just sex to anyone.