I’m 18F, where I live this is a time when students don’t really have a life outside of studying. When I’m out on the streets all I see is people my age preparing for these exams to become either a doctor or engineer. I have failed this exam once but it didn’t really made me feel that bad immediately, but after a while something changed I felt like this was that one thing that I had to accomplish no matter what and I was even confident that I can do this(this is a rare thing for me as I’ve always felt inferior and under-confident about most things I’ve done ) 
It’s been 2 months since I moved into a different place to study for the same exam all over again. I’ve been scoring good and even ranking in the top 5 in every test, but I don’t feel good about it to a certain extent I feel bad instead. 
When i moved here I was studying most of the time and wouldn’t do anything that can possibly distract me. But I was stressed and anxious back then. In the very beginning i was highly productive but at the same time highly anxious. Then things changed I started studying less and was feeling relaxed, looking forward to life and excited about how life would be once I finally get a good rank on the main exam. And then something weird started happening, whenever I would think about how I’d travel and go to places I’ve always wanted to go when I finally get a break, it made me feel negative and I don’t know how to explain this feeling but the way it made me feel was definitely negative. And then for the past weeks I’ve been wasting time, started studying lot less but I don’t feel anything. I don’t feel motivated to do even the most basic things like brushing or bathing. I don’t bathe regularly and I’ve been skipping meals because I don’t feel like I’m leaving my room. I sometimes don’t even open the door sometimes when someone knocks but I’m on my bed. Nothing bothers me and nothing incites any kind of feeling in me. Though I deliberately try to make  myself feel something knowing its wrong that I don’t feel anything about how I’m drifting away from my dreams and goals. I try getting angry, sad scared because I know some amount of pressure is necessary to motivate me to do a task. Today I had a test and as I said i haven’t been studying as I used to, it led to me scoring lot less than my expectations but still more than most people. But it didn’t make me feel sad or happy just nothing. I came back and then slept for 6 hours straight during the day. And this is also becoming common (I’ve been sleeping 4-6 hours during the day, almost every other day). And sometimes I feel like I’m doing this to myself deliberately.