I, (NB AFAB 17), have strong BPD traits but I can’t get treated till I’m 18 (thanks American health care)

I feel scared. Everyone is leaving because of me. My outbursts. My breaking down. My everything. They can’t take it and I don’t know what to do. If I get impatient I will not come out and I’m scared of everything. I wanna cry but I physically can’t because the one person I want seems to not want me. 

Why is everyone leaving