I've been suffering with symptoms BPD, anxiety and depression for many many years now. I've never got an actual diagnosis because it's expensive and takes a lot of time. In 2017, I set myself some goals such as getting a non-toxic girlfriend, getting into my dream university, getting a job I'm proud of. It's now 2021 and I've achieved all of those things and I've never felt more empty.

I can't just have a good thing and have it be good. I always have to poke holes and find issues or create issues myself because I'm so fucking scared of letting myself be happy. But I can't even feel sad about things anymore because I've subconsciously taught my brain to not allow any sad thoughts in either. I'm stuck in a limbo of refusing to feel any emotions and I fucking hate it here. I feel constantly dizzy like nothing I do matters or is even real, every day is basically a blur and merges into one, and I can feel myself getting stupider by the day.

I've been suffering from mental health issues for 6/7 years now and I've never felt this hopeless and empty before. I genuinely feel like therapy wouldn't help me and that it's too late for anything to change. I'm doomed to live the rest of my life as a passenger in my body.

Does anyone understand what I mean??