hello guys!

i'm a 19 years old boy, officially diagnosed with bpd.

last spring i graduated from high school but because i was really-really depressed and lazy back then i did not go to college. instead at the end of the summer because i was panicking about my future i impulsively started a professional training (it was some kind of hospital job training, i don't remember). after 2 months i realized i hecking don't care about this profession so i quit. i started working in a factory, i worked there like one or two days, then because the work was boring and everything seemed so hopeless i tried to kill myself, so i spent some days in a hospital and with that i lost my job (actually i never wanted that job so i was happy i lost it). 

it was 2018 december and i decided that i'm going to start college next year. i did not get a new job because i just couldn't stand the idea of factories anymore (and because i have almost zero education, i could not apply any other job). 

so my problem is that since december until this august i almost never left the house. i got admitted to college and what's more i'm going to live in the college dorm from this september but oh my god I'M SO SCARED. i mean like i said for \~one year i almost never left this damn house. i went to the library sometimes, i did some bricklayer work next to my father, sometimes i did shopping but if you add them up it's like i spent time outside my room is like one hour per a day and that's just pathetic. also i lost all of my friends so i have literally noone. i was always the quiet, shy, introvert kid and i always tried to isolate myself but i just realized it now how crazy it was to isolate myself THIS MUCH. and now from one day to another suddenly i have to live in an unknown big city in an unknown dorm with unknown people everywhere and that scares me so much... but i just can't take a step back because i did all my steps back last year so if i skip this college year again or anything like that it would be just worse the next year.