I want to start taking medication for my anxiety. I always wanted to avoid taking something like an SSRI. But I feel like there is no way around it anymore. I just want to live normally. I want to talk to people. I want to workout, without the jitters of my muscles reminding me of having a panic attack. I've wasted so much time already.

But I also want to ask my doc about getting a prescription to a benzo like xanax. I feel like this is a big mistake, but I want to have the option of taking them and thus being able to feel completely normal for a short amount of time. I've already struggled a lot with alcohol addiction though, so I should stay the hell away from it, shouldn't I? But I still can't get the idea out of my head to enjoy an evening without any anxiety or to stop a panic attack from ruining my day.

I don't know what I'm getting at right now... I wanted to get meds today, but my doc is on vacation right now. So I still have time to think everything through till Monday.