I have a lot of the symptoms (I’ll go through in a minute) and of course no one here can actually diagnose me, I just want to see if it’s serious enough to bring up with my counsellor.
TW FOR S*LF H*RM, S**CIDE, IMPULSIVITY

- Intense/Unstable relationships
i used to have a crush on this girl. after pretty much two years of her manipulation, we stopped talking (which was 7/8 months ago). I used to be so obssesed with her, but in a positive way. i used to think she was the best most perfect person. but now, i can’t believe i thought that. I hate her so much, and i don’t say i hate people often- hate is indeed a strong word. i still stalk her social media and get angry whenever i see her face, but i think that’s because i’m dissapointed and dissatisfied with how we ended, i admired her and literally sabotaged all my other friendships to be with her, and i gained nothing. of course i don’t expect her to go out with me, i’m not an r/nicegirl. but i basically have very little strong friendships. She’s like a stain i see everywhere, because i made it my goal to include her in my life as much as possible, it’s horrible.
now, i’m in a long-distance relationship with this american guy (i’m from the Uk+bisexual) and it’s actually going well! i’ve always been open about my obssessiveness, and he’s understood. he wants me to get help for it. it’s so frustrating that i think about him all day everyday. and then when i do talk to him, i act so stupidly, and i crave his affection so much. it’s literally a drug. i want constant reassurance but i don’t want to bother him. i really care about him, i just don’t think i deserve him. he always says that he doesn’t talk to me enough, but i think he gives me too much attention (because i don’t deserve it). and then i tell him to go to bed and he does, and i feel sad because i just want to talk to him. and i start thought cycling. ‘does he actually like me? is this a joke? do i even like him? i bet he thinks im so stupid, i want him to leave so he doesn’t have to bother with me any longer’. it sucks.

-unclear self-image
this one i hate. i really want to ‘discover myself’. i’m a teenager so i hope this is all hormones, but i really want to find who i am (what clothing style, my personality, etcetc) but i look for so long, and nothing is there. and then i find something and i’m like ‘oh!! me!!!’ but then soon after it just, completely blanks and there’s nothing. i feel like everyone fits a script, a code. and i can’t code. i’m just writing something, hoping it works, and for a while, it does. but then it hits a point where there’s an error, and i’m forced to start from scratch. and sometimes, i feel like i’m an actor in my own body. someone who is perfect at acting like me, but i know their thoughts, and they aren’t me. and everything feels empty and hollow- like there’s a white room inside me- a noise cancelling white room, with absolutely nothing .

-Extreme mood swings
i’m not sure i’d call them extreme, but they happen to often. i’ll be fine, and then some minor inconvenience can make me feel like the world has ended, and there’s nothing left for me. i feel like i want to die, but i don’t want to commit s**cide. i just want everything to end, and i want to go to sleep, and not wake up. i’m in absolute agony, and i silently scream for what feels like forever. and then it’ll calm down and be nothing. i don’t even know if that was real, was i even crying? i don’t know.
and other times, i just feel like ‘fuck being sad’. i don’t need this bad energy, i can be happy and do whatever! and it feels great! i’m feeling so much better and i’m going to get better. but it never lasts. i’m also an emotional person anyway, and i cry a lot in general, and the combination of that with panic attacks and mental breakdowns is not fun.

-impulsive self-destructive behaviours
here’s a list of stuff i’ve done, or still do &lt;TW&gt;
-cut my hair short
-s**f h**m
-attempted s**cide
-starved myself
-binged
-burnt myself
-scratched
-bitten
-stolen alcohol from a parent
-smoked/vaped

i don’t know if those are just teenager things, but those are all i could think of. I also fantasize about c*tting my face with scissors, getting run over, shaving all my hair off my head. 
I also have a masturbation addiction (i think, i don’t know?) Usually at least once or twice a day.

I’ve covered most of it, i can’t think of anything else, but yeah, i don’t know if this is right or not.