Sobriety was always going to be a hard journey but my bpd is complicating it to no end. I feel like my friends and family aren’t here because they love me but to absolve their own guilt about leaving me struggling. 
I need to look sick to prove to them that I am actually struggling and with my addiction, i look ill all the time. 
My favourite person (my best friend) is a user also but not to my level and i might lose them if i get clean 
I’m worried if i ever get sober, i’m too impulsive to stay that way. I can’t really see a way out of this right now but i’m so miserable as it is that I need to change.