90% of the time I desperately wish someone would invite me to hang out, to go out, or to call.

But when it actually happens it's like I'd rather do anything but that. I feel a lot of stress, kind of like before you have to go in to work (a job your hate), and I find myself wishing for something to come up so I don't have to do it.

When I make up some shitty excuse, or something actually does come up I can't help but feel relieved, only to find myself in the same cycle of despair and lonelines.

How do I fix this???

Why am i like this :(