I don’t know what to do. The depressive episodes are not unfamiliar, it’s been there since i was a child, coming and going. But each time i feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. Everything feels so hard, even the most basic things. Getting out of bed, hard, feels almost impossible, but i have to. It’s been worse the past few weeks. Can’t focus for shit. I know exactly how to do my job and what to do, but i can’t. Just got put on an ‘improvement program’ which basically means i have to get my shit together within a month or i’m on my ass. I’m one paycheck away from being homeless, i can’t do it. I’m so tired. I don’t know what to do. I’m on medication and still so lost. Trying to beat my substance addiction, i thought i would be so much better, but i feel worse. I can’t go on. I don’t know what to do. I feel so useless, tired and weak and i don’t know how to stop it. I don’t particularly want to die, but i don’t want to stay alive either, i just wish i could disappear and for everyone just carrying on as if i was never here. What do i do?