I'm 20 weeks pregnant. Due to my BPD and the long commute, it was best for my mental health to go ahead and leave work. We're planning on me being a stay at home mom.

While working, I was part time, so I was working on house / baby projects here and there but mostly just making sure my husband had lunch for work and clean laundry. I was severely depressed about a week before I left work, and I've felt the depression waning since work is one less thing on my plate.

Now I feel almost opposite, like mania but I know I don't experience actual mania. I think it's just anxiety. Yesterday was my first day not working since the holiday, so I started painting my kitchen cabinets, a project that had been delayed for about a year due to depression. Well, to find the paint I had to empty a closet. Well one step at a time, I need to sort that stuff, but muh kitchen cabinets.

So I decided to sort today, but turns out the painting project needed more steps and took much longer, so I've only just now finished the second coat, and need a clear coat. So I've officially spent 2 days on cabinets, and I'm scared my husband is gonna come home and be like why is the closet shit still everywhere.

But I know in reality he's NOT gonna care. I think I'm just so worried about not contributing enough since I'm not working that I have to get all this stuff done. And further than that, I want the hard stuff like this done before I'm super pregnant, because standing and painting has already aggravated my sciatica.

Part of me also feels like if I slow down, depression will return. Anyone else ever feel this way? Like if you don't go-go-go you're just gonna be sad again? Idk what that symptom is even called or I'm just too in my head today.

I'm going to talk to my husband when he gets home, I just know it's easier for BPD to understand BPD, and he's going to give me some long, loving motivational speech about how I'm doing a good job. wowthanksimcured