So for the past like 10-11 months, I've been talking to and sleeping with a guy that I really like.  We hit it off fast, have a ton in common and generally have a good time together.  We've texted every day and he even calls me when he's driving home from work because he enjoys talking to me.  He had told me several times that he wasn't looking for anything serious, because he just wasn't capable of it.  I honestly felt like I wasn't either, so it worked for me.

A couple of months ago (October), I told him that I felt myself developing feelings for him and wanted for us to maybe try for something a little more real.  Nothing too serious, but I basically wanted some exclusivity.  He basically freaked out and stopped talking to me.  I was hurt, but tried to use my skills and was able to get through it.  I had more or less attached myself to him, but honestly I think I did pretty well considering.

Then Christmas Eve, he texts me out of the blue and apologizes for being a dick.  I didn't really respond, other than to say Merry Christmas.  Didn't hear anything back, so I figured that was it.

He called me last week and apologized again, saying that he had recently had some crap happen and realized his own culpability.  He asked me to go to the movies with him, so I did, and we slept together.  He emphasized again that he wasn't ready for anything serious, and I agreed.

Last night, I met him at a little bar for karaoke.  After karaoke closed, we sat and talked, and I asked him to tell me what the "crap" was that happened since we had seen each other last.

He told me about a woman he met that he more or less instantly fell for, and she was this party girl and hurt him pretty bad.  He figured it was karma for treating other people (like me) like dirt, so he reached out to apologize.

All I could think of was... Wait... He fell for this other girl?  What about me?  What about our amazing connection and all the fun we had together?  Suddenly, the fact that he didn't want anything serious had nothing to do with him not being capable, but just that he couldn't with **me**. 

I listened to him and told him I forgave him, but now my brain is stuck on this loop.  What is wrong with me?  Why am I so unworthy?  Why couldn't he love me?  Or even see himself heading towards anything remotely serious with me?  Am I just completely unlovable?  If someone that I had that strong of a connection with (which he admits too) doesn't want me, there's no hope of me ever finding anyone that will.  I went from doing ok, to now seeing everything wrong with myself and wanting to die.  I hate this.

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant.