I've posted here before. A short recap: I (male, nonBP, non-native english) met his great girl (30) who told me, when we were seeing eachother more often and heading towards a relationship, she was diagnosed BPD including anxiety and panic attacks.


A few weeks later she told me that although she likes me very much, she's afraid she won't be able to offer me a stable long-term relationship and she believes I will abandon her when that happens. She doesn't want me to go. In her logic it was better for us to stay close friends, living apart.


So there she is, in her appartment, sometimes not getting out of bed before like 4 PM or not having any energy left to buy food. Things like that. It hurts me to see her struggle like that, alone. Sometimes I get a message on my phone from here with a short poem or something, often refering to that BPD people need help but don't know how to ask for it.


At other moments, she is that bright, clever and beautiful girl that I like so much.


Recently she told me something that bothers me. I'm asking for your thoughts and input, because I'm trying to learn and understand BPD but I simply lack experience that some of you have.


She's on prescribed sleeping pills, I don't know which type. If she doesn't take them, she will wake up after 4 hours and then random thoughts will keep her awake the rest of the night. I'm sure some of you can relate to this.
If she takes a pill she sleeps well for 8 hours but is basically 'offline' the next day which makes her a drone at work. Not good. Therefore, on weekdays she only takes half a pill. That way she will be functioning the next day  at the expense of some hours of sleep.

What she recently told me, in order to still get the full night of sleep, she drinks a bottle of wine each evening. The combination half pill + alcohol will make her sleep just about 7-8 hours.

Needless to say this much alcohol is not healthy and I'd rather see her no do that anymore.


I'm there to provide support to her, but she is hard to give support. She always finds a reason to not accept it because others should not have to worry about her. As soon as she goes "I'll think about it" I just know she will find some reason and decline. Even if it's no big deal to me. So support should be subtle or obvious the right thing to do. No inbetweens.


What can I do to help?


I was thinking of asking her to come and live in my house with me for a week or so. That way, there will be food, there will be structure in the day and there will be somebody around. She can still do her things and be alone, but there's somebody around if needed. Hopefully it will give her less to worry about and maybe it makes her feel better and more comfortable for the future. But I'm sure she will find reasons why this is a bad idea.
