I feel like it isn’t talked about a lot and it felt like it was so much worse because of my BPD. It has changed the way I walk, talk, exist, have relationships, etc. The thought of being in another relationship feels like I’m very slowly being held under water with a few seconds of fresh air. It has been almost two years and while I am over her and the relationship, it still hurts. She never put her hands on me but the manipulative behavior, the gaslighting, the lying, it was all too much. And after we were done, she acted like it didn’t happen. She went on about her life. Immediately starting to date, ignoring me, etc. She told me she would always be there for me and when I reached out about my grandma being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer she practically shrugged and said oh well. 

I spent almost a year of my life in what seemed like a hallucination because the way that she told the story of our relationship vs. how I remember it wasn’t the same and nowhere close. 

I was and am nothing to her but she will always be the person that rocked my world so badly that I don’t know how it would even be possible to love and be loved.

I have had talks with my friends about it all and they always downplay it and I know I did feel everything a bit more intense because of the bpd. When I spend months crying every single day over the breakup you could see how irritated they would get. That made it hurt so much more. 

If she would have left bruises and scars everyone would have no choice but to believe me but because the bruises and scars were on my heart, no one cared. 


***this is in no way meant to invalidate those who were physically abused or physically abusive relationships. if this upsets you please reach out to
me and i’ll change my wording.***