getting sick and tired of never not thinking.

they're intrusive thoughts that usually border on paralyzing. i'm stuck. i've wasted the past five years of my life on continued ruination of some form or another. that's somewhere in the ballpark of 27% of my entire lifespan so far! down the drain and never to return.  i don't see how to make up for that lost time. that'd be getting ahead of myself anyway.

&amp;#x200B;

i don't think most people realize how exhausting it is to always be thinking

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even when i'm sleeping, the anxiety infects my dreams. i'm rarely sleeping without help anyway

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i just want peace and quiet so badly. it's so fuckin loud up there and it just

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\*never\*

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\*shuts\*

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\*up\*

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it feels like i feel everything at the same time. but i'm doing nothing and have been doing nothing for so long.      (&amp;jealousy is a disease)

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i'm worried about everyone i know. i never am helpful. i never know the right things to say to them

&amp;#x200B;

i used to be a good listener but now i need to overthink to death every aspect of how i am going to respond and it ends up ruining it. and i have no mental or emotional bandwith left. something about pouring from an empty cup

&amp;#x200B;

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i can never move on from things normally

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i can't do anything to distract myself. it's all at the forefront

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even if i had the option i can't leave my house much at all for reasons hopefully obvious

&amp;#x200B;

fuck man.