*TRIGGER WARNING*
I feel completely broken, I’m going to explain all of this without too much detail because honestly there’s too much to go into depth about on a Reddit post. In the past few months I have had more grief than I could ever possibly imagine. Whenever I try and talk about this to someone I know and trust they don’t know what to say or even how to respond. Which I understand, I honestly don’t even know how to process all of it. This is one of my last attempts to find some sort of comfort. So here it goes. 

My close friend committed suicide a few months ago, she was seven months pregnant. She was so excited to be a mom. I wish I would’ve noticed something was off, I wish I would’ve known she was in such a dark place. It still doesn’t feel real. 

Only a few weeks later I watched tears roll down my grandma’s cheek when we took her off of life support. She was pretty much my mom, she raised me. It feels like I’m stuck in a nightmare, I’m not ready for her to be gone. Seeing her die terrified me and I think it broke any belief I had in an afterlife. 

And a little more than a week after that I had to say goodbye to my childhood dog that I’ve had for 17 years. I held her while she took her last breath. Sometimes for a second I forget she’s gone and I call her name or pick up her leash. I miss her so much.

These last few months I’ve kept myself overly busy with full time work and school. I was told that grief would eventually catch up with me if I kept pushing it down and here I am. Crying and choking so hard it feels like I can’t breathe. I need help. I don’t know how or where to get it, and honestly I’m terrified to open up to people in person. I’m scared to be vulnerable. Any advice is welcome