Recently, I’ve been having such a hard time with my “favorite person” (who i’m pretty sure is my boyfriend) has enlisted in the marines. I’ve never cared before, but now, so feel so angry yet jealous at the same time. I’ve never wanted to join the military, but now that I see him joining, it made me want to join. It’s made me so jealous, and I’m not even sure why. Surprisingly it’s not even because of him. I almost want to do better than him. I don’t know why I feel like this. I’ve been so irritable to him and rude. I don’t even know why, because he doesn’t do anything wrong. I feel horrible, but it feels like I can’t stop. I apologize so much, but I know it doesn’t mean anything anymore.