Hi there, new poster to Reddit here.

I was diagnosed with BPD about 4 years ago, and took a short course of DBT but had to unexpectedly quit (not my choice).

Recently my life has been in some more turmoil than usual and I've decided to go back to DBT, however I have to wait for the next group to start, which is next week (I've been waiting for 3 already.) 

So, I've been having a hell of a time trying to cope while I'm waiting to see a professional and I'm also going through a break up from someone I dated for 4 years and it's still pretty fresh.

I made the mistake of looking through his instagram and it totally set me off. He is following a bunch of new girls (all super babely) and commenting shit on all their selfies. He's an attractive guy, but never thought so while we were together and never posted pictures of us or of himself even while we were dating.

But now, he's posted a few selfies and is actually getting attention back from some of these girls and it's just driving me fucking mad! I don't understand how two weeks ago he was sobbing on my shoulder that he loved me but couldn't stay with me because of my BPD and our fighting, but now he's already trying to move on?!

I realize that sounds a bit crazy because it's just instagram right? Well, he has a history of meeting girls that way and for him it's not actually that crazy. I was super crushed I was seeing all these things, but at the same time, mad at myself for allowing myself to be so nosy to do so. What did I expect? But of course, I couldn't stop once I saw. I messaged him some pretty angry things regarding the matter and of course, he responded by blocking me.

So, I've been depressed about it all day and just obsessing over the fact that he is moving on. I say I'm not going to look anymore, but I'm worried that I will and I really don't want to keep doing this to myself. I know it's not normal behavior, and I need to stop but I don't know how. I don't really want to delete my instagram because I do have a lot of friends and stuff I'm apart of on there, but I realize that might be what I have to really do.

I wish he had a private profile so I couldn't see it. Does anyone else do this or have they? And if so, what's a good way to distract yourself from it? I really would like to get my bpd under control, but my obsessive thoughts and impulsive actions are making it unbearable. I feel completely insane sometimes, and after today it just really made my dislike myself a lot and see why nobody WOULD want to date me.
