I understand that nobody can read my mind and I don't blame them for the conclusions that they come to about me, but I wish I could explain things to them. I have been so depressed for so long that I can't even remember what it feels like to be happy so it's extremely difficult for me to muster up the motivation to do anything anymore. People of course think I'm just lazy but I'm really putting in 110% into everything. It just seems like nobody understands how much energy it takes for me to get out of bed in the morning and how much more it takes to pretend like everything is okay throughout the day.