Here's the story. 

My mother-in-law harbours a lot of stigma towards bipolar disorder. When I was first diagnosed 4 years ago her stigma surfaced in one of the most vulnerable moments of my young adult life. Ever since then, she openly accuses people she dislikes (her sister and best friend) of having bipolar disorder. For the record, she is not educated about bipolar disorder at all but is convinced that she knows everything about bipolar disorder. Her perspective of bipolar disorder is the classic constant mood switching (like a light switch), wearing lots of make-up and her version of mania which is strictly volatile behaviour. The reason she thinks bipolar disorder exists is that (her words) we have fucked up our brains with drugs and alcohol. She thinks that with treatment bipolar disorder will be "cured." 

Yesterday, my mother-in-law was angry at her sister and as always, accused her sister of being bipolar. My mother-in-law knew I was in the house (being on a floor above her) and knew I overheard her rant because she yelling. This isn't the first time she has accused and demonized her sister of having bipolar disorder. She normally does this in front of me, but this time she didn't know I was within hearing range. I have never addressed her stigma. I always keep quiet and cry after these encounters with her. Yesterday, I did the same thing, but my partner found me crying and I told him about what happened. My partner has also witnessed his mother's stigma against bipolar disorder and it hurts him just as much. My partner has also never addressed his mother's stigma until yesterday.

While I was collecting myself after crying in the bathroom, my mother-in-law noticed that I was sad and asked my partner what was wrong with me. My partner said that his mother had a big grin on her face and knew exactly why I was upset but decided to play dumb to him instead. This upset my partner and he did his best to remain calm with her. He calmly addressed her stigma and at first, she denied what she had said. Eventually, she owned up to what she had said but retaliated with I (me) am "cured" because I'm receiving treatment, so I should not be upset with what she said about her sister. My partner did his best to take this as an opportunity to educate his mother. He also expressed his belief in his aunt struggling with addiction (drugs, drinking and gambling) and is not bipolar. Instead, my mother-in-law responded that she's not allowed to speak in her house and stormed off. 

A few hours later my mother-in-law texted me apologizing for her insensitivity. I was very surprised that she apologized, but my partner was still upset because his mother did the bare minimum of apologizing and told me not to trust her apology. I felt and still feel bad for how everything transpired. I also apologized and did my best to open up to her in return in hopes to educate her in the process. I said that bipolar disorder runs in my family, I've known my family members have damaged relationships and I've done my fair share of hurting people I love too. I expressed to her that I was afraid that she hates me and I was sad. She responded that she is angry with her sister because the last time she visited her sister it was a waste of money seeing her. She said her sister is ruining her family's relationships by doing lots of drugs and drinking. That's why she was mad and that I shouldn't have been hurt by it because her sister and I aren't the same. She went back on her apology and made the entire situation about her. I apologized to her again and left it as such. The next time I saw her, I apologized for the third time and she said the same thing again. Then I apologized for a fourth time. 

I understand where my mother-in-law is coming from and why she is hurt by her sister's actions. Part of me believes that I shouldn't be feeling hurt. This situation is all of my fault and that I am in the wrong. The other part that I am struggling with is her hateful accusations about her sister being bipolar. I don't know what to think, feel or what to do next. Is this all just inside of my head? Am I making this into a problem? Please help. I need help.