"It's not that serious"...it's not that serious? Maybe the act itself isn't, but everything it implicates is and everything it puts me through is.

I'm currently in a less than ideal living situation and have been for a while, but currently my only access to any type of food is via food stamps. None of the people around me are going to help me, they don't offer to take me to the store, when I have no food they aren't going to share with me. I've accepted that even though, at my lowest and my highest, I always will and always have helped and shared, these same people will never show me the same decency.

So when the person who steals from me constantly, a person with a job, steals food from the person who is living off of food stamps, I have a huge problem with that. I don't care if it was a drink that cost $1.50, I don't care if it was  snack that cost me less than $2, you have a fucking job, how dare you. I share most of what I buy even though it means I'll have less to survive off of.

Not only that but as I'm panicking, losing sight of reality due to not knowing if I'm being irrational. Scared that I'm overreacting and actually consumed it myself or misplaced it, you stay silent knowing you took it like the snake you are. Not only did you take it, you wasted it. No one is going to tell me to stop yelling or I'm overreacting, I'm sick of my shit getting stolen and just dealing with it. This is a constant thing throughout the time I've been here, if it's not that it's money, if it's not money it's weed, you take what you want and get away with it. But god forbid if you even think someone touched your shit, the shit that you rarely buy even though you are an adult, you lose your shit and start calling people bums and leeches.

I legit can't fucking stand it anymore, the worst part is no matter what someone does to me, I want to hurt myself. How is it, after I get disrespected, get mistreated, that the only recourse I can muster up is to inflict damage on myself. Fuck all of these people. Family my ass, I've had better family from random strangers online who I've never met. I've seen more care and concern from the random people that messages me after one of these rants. I stand by this, at my funeral, don't bother coming. I hope when I die they can't identify me and my corpse wastes away and get's sent to wherever they send the unclaimed.

I spent years in a mentally abusive home, my father did a number on me. I thought moving with my mom and sister was going to be better for me. But then, my mom died and I was stuck with my sister as I got worse and less capable of functioning. Only years later do I realize that, the people I'm around are just as bad for me as my dad was. Maybe they don't do the same things, but they've done enough. It sucks knowing that even when I finally get away from here, I'm too fucking broken at this point. They've eroded any sense of self, any self-worth, any feeling of reality that I had left and helped convince me that those thoughts of being a bad person and monster were true.