Tw 

I’ve had ongoing psychotic symptoms for months now that includes hearing voices, seeing things, feeling things and having paranoid delusions for months. My mental health service i’m getting discharged from after seeing a psychiatrist that specialises in psychosis and they told me you don’t struggle that much cause you don’t talk to yourself or like run around the streets stabbing ppl so you don’t need meds. I got diagnosed bpd which i’m 50/50 about and possibly did (not diagnosed) which i don’t agree with at all i show 0 symptoms and i find that crazy how much of a fucking mess it was. I have to go to dbt therapy which i’m ok with but i don’t know how that’s gonna get rid of voices i hear like 80% of the time telling me to murder my family and kill my self and telling me delusions i seriously wanna die at this point and i’m really planning on doing it. 

A year ago i was suffering with anxiety even though that sucks ass i just wish i could go back to then most 15 year olds go to school and are generally happy not trying to kill them selves and having psychotic episodes. My last episode was 2 days ago and it was one of the worst hours of my life i’m terrified of it happening again. I’m okay with my diagnosis: ocd, ptsd, bpd (eupd), gad and depression. But i got something the other day saying i’m at medium risk of dissociative identity disorder and schizoaffective disorder then low risk of schizophrenia and bipolar? I just think what’s going on with me is dodgy lol. Next month is my best friends birthday and i really want to have a day out with her shopping and shit but i know if i’m still psychotic i won’t be able to which fucking sucks. 

Also i’m on fluoxetine 20mg for depression but it doesn’t help me at all my psychiatrist wants to up my dose but i don’t get any i can’t even get meds for the problem that’s killing me (psychosis) but i can for something that doesn’t even work??