I'm trying so hard to fight it but it's wearing me down. 
My best friend is currently facing jail time for money laundering, and even though its his own fault it's affecting me in a huge way. I'm going to lose him for a year or more, and I know that he's going to be a different person when he is released. I'm so scared of losing him. 
My other issue is about work. It's affecting my social life because I always get rostered on Friday/ Saturday nights. I'm terrified my friends are going to abandon me because I never get time to see them. 
I've also been sleeping/dating a guy for over a month and I'm trying not to fall in love with him but I'm having trouble. He talks to me every day, and I have no reason to believe that he is just using me for sex. But today he didnt hold my hand when we were in public and ive been cold towards him all day. I've been thinking up ways to get out of the relationship because I'm scared he will reject me. I feel like a 5 year old when I think about the way I'm acting but I can't help it. 
Each of these worries are crushing me, and when I tell others they just tell me they aren't a big deal. And I know they aren't, when I compare my issues to other people's they seem so trivial. But it's affecting me in a huge way. I'm so depressed and scared inside but on the outside I know I seem fine. But I'm toying with the idea of suicide again because these feelings are overwhelming me.
I was diagnosed with bpd 4 months ago. I stopped visiting the psychiatrist who diagnosed me because he was too expensive and didnt appreciate my drive to work hard. He kept telling me to just get a new job, but I love my job. Apart from the hours, it's my dream job.
I booked an appointment with a new psych, but had to go to work on the same day, so I missed it. Fortunately she sent me an email asking me to call to book another appointment so there's still hope. 
Sorry for the rant. I just needed to let this out in a place where I know people understand my (seemingly) trivial feelings.