22f I've tried it once 4 years ago when i  had panick attacks but my psychiatrist and therapist treated me poorly and I can't deal with having to trust a stranger with something that I don't even know what it is but scares me so much.

I keep getting sick and my mom keeps telling me that I need teraphy but just talking about it makes me cry.
I have enough energy to keep me going and existing  but this is not life, I do feel like weight to everyone I know I need it but  talking to a stranger about what's in my head? I don't even know what's making me this sad plus I get uncomfortable around people i dont know.i know whenever I start talking I'll cry and I get embarrassed  about it. 
How do you do it ? How do you deal with that ?