hi, this weekend i was at my lover’s home and we were both struggling with our own mental illness crisis.
on sunday he had a very important call with his best friend, that is studying abroad, and the conversation lasted the entire afternoon, in the living room. 
i was laid in his bed reading and watching a movie and he made me breakfast, but suddenly i started to feel abandoned, ignored, sad and hopeless bc my mom used to lock me in my room the entire day and even today sometimes i still hide myself below the sheets so no one can see/find me.
i didn’t know if i should leave (kinda thinking maybe i should leave bc maybe im being a burden and not adding up anything) 
and then when he got back, asking how i was and what should we order to eat for dinner.
i didnt look at him, i didn’t respond, i was just quiet (as a protest like i used to do w/ my mom) and then i asked him why didn’t he simply ask me to leave and that i was done being his puppet 

1-i replayed the toxic trauma response with a non-abuser person (that struggles with bipolar)
2-i really hurted my lover’s feelings and he asked me to leave (which left me even more ashamed for my unacceptable behavior)
3-i realized i don’t really understand intimacy at home and i get too overwhelmed and triggered with supposedly ‘normal things’
4-and at other’s ppl homes, i stay overly self conscious and extra-anxious asking them too many times if they really want me there or if im bothering them (using their resources like water, wc paper, electricity, etc) 
5-he doesn’t make me feel like a burden, but i feel that i become a burden for burdening him with my constant anxiety and that one insane response

does anyone relate to this? and how can i heal my toxic trauma response that really hurts my lover?