I always feel a little suicidal.  If I get depressed or stressed, I instantly resort to wanting to kill myself.  I've tried it before but I usually don't.  I think about suicide every single day, but its not an overwhelming urge, it's usually just a thought like 'that'd be nice'.  You can't bring this up to a therapist or doctor without going to the hospital.  But I always feel like this.  Even when I'm not sad, I still feel like dying isn't a big deal.  I mean once you die, you won't regret dying.  You'll either be a spirit in Heaven, maybe Hell, or you'll be nothing and you won't have any opinion on the matter.  I don't think I'm going to Hell so either way, I feel fine about dying.  

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To me, suicide isn't always about escape.  Sometimes it is, but sometimes it's just because I'd love to know what happens when you die- is Heaven real?  Also, if you do go to Heaven, that'd be so much better than being a human on Earth.  You can't argue that Heaven isn't better than Earth.  I don't think I'm going to Hell, so it's either Heaven or being a nothingness in the ground.  Either way, all my problems would be over.  If Heaven is real (I 100% know it is but let's say it might not be), why would you not want to go there sooner?