I’ve dealt with depression on and off for the last 6 years, and have been on medications twice when I was absolutely at rock bottom. On both occasions I was on a variety of different meds, and I will once again be restarting the medication journey. I was told by my last doctor I may be treatment resistant, and since my symptoms aren’t always the same (ex. insomnia vs lethargy and oversleeping) we experiment with meds based off my symptoms. I probably would’ve stayed on my last medication regimen longer term, but since insurance wouldn’t cover it cost over $4,000 and the cheaper replacement I tried wasn’t doing anything for me except making me numb. 

I’m not in a horrible place now, but I can feel myself slipping into patterns and I want to be proactive instead of reactive. I moved to a different city so I’ll be seeing a new doctor. I’m dreading the trial period, the mixing and matching, the side effects (I get hit with zombie brain really hard), the potentially unaffordable cost, and the potential to go through all this trouble just to end up feeling exactly the same.