So I’m a 22(F) got diagnosed last week with BPD and clinical major depression, (bit of paranoia in there and I have ADHD too). Ngl I was really happy to find out that there was a label for what I have. That none of it is my fault and that is is something I can work on over time and with proper treatment I’ll get better.

That’s what I thought a week ago. I now think that I am a crazy, a failure and not normal. Told my parents and they say that I am just clinging to a label, the more I say I have something the more I’ll have it. I’m hindering myself and I want to be like this. All I have to do is “cut it out” and not think like that. Very motivating and supportive of them. 

I don’t feel like I have a any support, from my family or friends. I tell myself that no one understands cause everyone just says, “oh sorry” or “just do XYZ and you’ll feel better”. I want people to know that I AM TRYING. I’m trying so fckn hard every dam fckn day. 

Everyday, I stop myself from carrying out any of my suicidal thoughts. Every other day I have my breakdowns alone in my room (now I have a puppy so that’s a lil bit better). 

Tired after doing the bare minimum, stopping myself from having a panic attack cause I’m doing the bare minimum and I feel like I’m wasting my life and my time, that I could be doing better and I could be doing more (something my parents don’t let me forget)

No I don’t want recognition for waking up and going to work, nor do I want people to feel sorry for me. I just want understanding, maybe some motivation and to be heard (u don’t have to but its a plus). Less criticism and feeling like I’m being judged. 

Am I actually being too much? Could I be doing more?