Everything has been piling up for a few months. Midterms and sexual assault in December, the first anniversary of my aunt's death and my psychologist ending treatment and saying very unpleasant things in January, increasing amounts of homework/revision/testing from my course, worsening physical issues (fainting and back issues), my ex's girlfriend harassing me  and my fiance letting me down and breaking my trust in February. 

One of the last things my psychologist said was to not ask to be referred to the mental health department again as I take up time from people who actually need it, but really I wouldn't speak to her even if I had the chance. She's done more damage than good.

I have tried reaching out to a select few people about the severity of how low I feel. They either brush it off or tell me to do drastic things like leave my course and fiance. I tried telling my fiance, he says I'm just using it to punish him. I could call my regular doctor and explain but I feel some sort of shame or embarrassment and even if I did he would have to refer me to the psychologist again which I don't want. I could contact my teachers about the situation but I feel like I'm just whining and making excuses. And what do you even say?

I should be able to fight through this and keep going. I'm not suicidal. I've just reached the point where I don't want to live right now. 