f(19) I have no one I've pushed away everyone except for my brother and my one friend who's about to leave for college. This weekend the memories of my dad molesting me as a child surfaced for the first time ever and I don't know how to go on. No one loves me enough to be a consistent member of my life they just love the thought of me and that's why they can't stay so why can't I just die? Once I'm gone all they'll have is the thought of me. Why do I have to suffer alone while everyone watches from a far with their friends who don't act crazy or intensely emotional claiming that they still care for me. I fped my best friend and she wants nothing to do with me now. She leaves for college td and I'll probably never see her again. The hardest part about it is I know it's all my fault. I cry so many times a day I just wish it could all be over I can't stop ruining everything I touch I've been unemployed and quitting jobs after no more than a couple days for a year now I've been a high school drop out since I was 17 I just feel like I'm running out of options here when yhe only thing I can think of is either death or running away