I've been medicated since I was 15 (now 24) and I'm finally on a combination that has had the most benefits and least side effects. I've had shit tons of therapy on and off since I was 15 as well. Multiple misdiagnoses, now just BPD. I feel better than before, but I'm still not better if that makes sense. I still am insecure, hateful, trying to reconcile the shit people have put me through, the bullshit I experienced growing up that makes my present life hard to deal with. But I'm just better at slowing down and stopping the reactions, the lashing out from my built up frustrations. And for that I am grateful for my meds. 

But I also know that this is pretty much it. That I'll be on meds and going through life trying to calm these feelings forever. And I worry about that. I'm stable, but what happens when my parents die? My pets? Will I handle having children well? Can I have a successful marriage? 

I see so many people who handle those things well. Like they were given some insight to how to deal with life that I never caught on to. I'm scared of what I'll do when I'm faced with so much change. I'm scared to move away from my safe stable place. 