I just broken up with my boyfriend last night. I am long-time(12+ years) diagnosed and I believe he is an undiagnosed borderline. We broke up due to his behaviors, lying and the disrespect that comes from lying. I am the last person who you need to lie to and he did it anyway. I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop since we met because that's just what I lve come to expect from anyone Icare forin the slightest. I have given my heart to so few people and I stupidly did it with him knowing full well who he is and how he is. I guess I thought the good outweighed the bad. 
No one has ever loved me like I love them. Every single significant partner, so 3. Like, why arent I enough for anyone?  I'm loving, caring, supportive, thoughtful, freaky, affectionate, sorta funny, ok looking. I cook, I clean, I work, I'm about to start school. I go to therapy and take my medications. What else am I supposed to be to be loved? What is it about me that isn't enough? What do I have to do to be worthy of being loved? Is it my anxiety that needs constant reassurance from them? Maybe my bouts of emptiness and sadness that they can't deal with? Is that why they don't love me?
My heart hurts and I'm so angry at the same time. I self harmed this morning out of anguish and rage. I'm embarrassed and ashamed I let myself do it but it felt so good. 
I know logically it will get better and less painful in time but I'd rather die than feel this way in the mean time.