i'm so sick of living like this. i've been diagnosed with anxiety disorder when i was young and my whole adolescence was wasted worrying what people thought of me and the strong fear of being embarrassed... memories not made because i was too nervous to go places, panic attacks in the middle of the night for no reason when all i wanted to do was rest after tireless anxiety. too scared to drive. can't progress in my career because i'm not ready (will i ever be?). i tried beta blockers for the palpitations in my late teens to no avail, tried talking therapy in attempt to get to the root of the anxiety, couldn't pinpoint when it started because i am so used to feeling like this. i have every severe symptom on paper, but the *one* i find unbearable is the overthinking, the self deprecating thoughts. i cannot switch them off. it is like my mind is against me in everything i do, over-rationalizing everything and making me doubt if i can do anything right at all. in my early twenties i did CBT therapy and anxiety meds, the CBT coping mechanisms were good to learn, but when the anxiety was in motion i can never put the tools into practice. and with the zoloft, the side effects just makes everything seem harder. i even turned to my religion, i want to be free of this. i feel like I've tried everything to get better but it cannot be cured. i am so sorry to everyone who has suffered with this illness, you do not deserve it at all. i can sympathize with you very much. internal or external symptoms are both exhausting. i lost so much weight because of this cruel illness. please someone find a permanent cure, one day.