I’m honestly so tired and exhausted of suppressing/controlling my emotions from BPD. 

I’ve been misdiagnosed majority of my life and had this shit thrown at me a few years ago and genuinely had it under control (high functioning she’d tell me) until last year when my best friend took his life and I had to organise his funeral, and everything else that comes after death + grief. It threw me completely off track. 

I was going great through grief counselling which unfortunately stopped. I have tried to access therapy so many times and been rejected or had appointments cancelled that I just don’t try or care anymore. 

I’m tired of having no one to speak to, or feeling crazy because of the cycling thoughts inside my head that I don’t even know are real or not sometimes.

BPD is genuinely ruining my life and I used to have a grip, but I feel like I’m just at the point of giving up.

Long pointless post. Needed to vent.