Have always struggled somewhat with anxiety growing up without really understanding it, although it’s never been anywhere near as bad as the last year. 

I was diagnosed with depression around 2 years ago now and had just started to get a grip on it before this year.

 I’ve had an awful year with 2 family deaths inc my dad. My confidence is shot, my anxiety is worse than ever to the point where I don’t look forward to any occasions because I would rather be stuck in the monotonous 9-5 working week where I’m comfortable than go somewhere substantial. 

I’m generally speaking a fairly regular guy. I work, I go to the gym 4-5x a week, I have plenty of friends, I play golf and cricket etc. But life has just beaten me up and I’m a shell of my previous self. 

I’ve slowly built it up again bit by bit but I’ve been dreading holiday, and it’s finally here. I’ve had a stressful week leading up to it as we’ve unfortunately had to rehome my dads dog which we inherited (seperation anxiety and not home enough) but that fell through last night so we’re trying to sort last minute boarding. 

I leave tomorrow morning at 3am and I’m already anxious, unsettled stomach etc. I’m fed up of talking to my girlfriend about it because I feel it’s just annoying or unattractive for her (it probably isn’t, but she’s had to put up with a very miserable and frail boyfriend this year) 

Just posting for some positive vibes really. One thing that helps me is feeling like I’m not alone, and anxiety usually makes me feel very lonely and isolated. In reality, I know that so many of us suffer, and plenty suffer far worse than I do, but I struggle to remember that in the moment and feel like all I want to do is go home. 

Thanks guys. All the best.