I'm often afraid. Sometimes it feels like the walls are closing in but I know it's all in my mind. I know I would sound insane if I were honest with those who are willing to help. I fear their good intentions. I hide and deteriorate further. I heard that talking to me was like talking to someone who is drowning. It made sense. People throw me lifelines. I refuse them because I didn't fall off a boat, I jumped and swam for my life. I can only swim for so long and boats still fill me with panic.