Sorry for the wall of text

For a large portion of my life i have had problems with normal conversation stuff, like voicing my opinion or being anxious for every little thing in life. I call it doomthinking, basically picking out the worst situation or some deadline and focusing on that all the time.

Now school is starting tomorrow and im already worrying about a deadlin in 10 weeks, i even spent my only free weekend already working on the project because i have so little trust in myself that i dont think i can make it with 10 full weeks.

I feel like im constantly panicking, in a state where im just in fear, life is just a list of events that scare me. I can only focus on the bad events, no my brain cant think about my best friend coming over for a movie, no it thinks about the deadline in 10 weeks. And even beyond. What if i dont make it, then i have to redo it in 20 weeks. 

I just constantly feel like im in danger, i just want it gone, i want to be able and wake up and look in the mirror then say "today will be a good stressfree day, you arent overworking and your going to takr time.to relax". But i know that the second i think about the deadline i think that im wasting my time, im only valuable if i get a good job, getting a good job requires me to pass the grade, passing the grade means passing the project, the project is in 10 weeks and the clock keeps ticking. So why do i spend time having fun when i could work on the project.

Its just an endless cycle off dispair, feeling in danger, working without giving myself any free time. I hate it.

Sorry for the wall of text