I know that being sick means I'll have a bad relationship with anyone I meet. Friends, lover, family. Sometimes I want to blame the crowd I'm around and just say they're toxic but maybe it's just me. My head is so clouded with negativity. I do hop from one abusive relationship to another though. I am definitely not the only one who is negative in those situations. I have just had the worst of luck after my mothers passing 10 years ago. Everything just keeps falling apart at a constant pace. Work on one thing and something else fails. Either I'm worrying too much or life isn't for me. I feel like being institutionalized would be the second best thing next to dying. I would be cut off from all the people who've hurt me and cut off from hurting anyone. I'm only 22 years old and all day every single day I have wished to die or to disappear. I can't remember the last time I was happy and carefree. I feel like giving up. I don't have the strength to speak or express anymore emotions. I just want to be alone. Forever. 