I feel like I’m returning to nothing. I can’t tell if I want to stop existing but I might be okay with it. It’s like my legs gave out and I’m still trying to walk.

In moments of my life like these, everything just seems less amazing and terrible. It’s like even in my own little world I’m fading away.

I keep trying to distract myself, but when I stop and look around, the melancholy catches up to me and I’m forced to remember how alone I feel.

Sometimes the little inconveniences in life remind me how tough it is to simply exist. The world belongs to the strong and even though I don’t have spectacular responsibilities it feels like everything is constantly collapsing onto my shoulders. My bitter, marvelous, disgusting, stunning little spark is fading and I hope to stop existing before it inevitably happens.

Above all, my only hope is that I can reach heaven while still in this earth. It might be far fetched, but maybe just having the disposition to keep living life and experiencing new things everyday is paradise.

What an ungratefyingly joyful life.