Continuing
So I found another psychologist. And this time, I found someone who’s not from my ethnicity because I want a more neutral and objective perspective. He guided me through some stuck points and how to think about those stuck points in a more productive way. It actually worked, and we had five sessions. The only problem was that, the sessions were priceyyyyyy😂 

And I’ve been taking lots of sick leaves since I took the medication, Zoloft. I felt like it kept me from crying a lot and I had a better appetite and gained some weights, but it also suppressed my emotions. I still have little to zero motivation to do anything productive. I might have anxiety as well because I get really anxious about going to work or just getting outside. And the medication didn’t help that. In fact, I was at least able to work regularly before taking Zoloft, but I’ve only worked for one and a half month since taking it. And my physician increased the dosage from 50 to 200mg, and we finally agreed that it didn’t work for me. So we were supposed to start gradually reducing the dosage in the next session. Then, the admin told me he no longer worked there. And before I could find a new physician, my job contract was terminated so I also lost OHIP. For those who might not know, a work permit holder in Ontario needs to have an employment letter stating that the employer is willing to hire the employee for at least 6 months, to be eligible for applying for OHIP. And the expiry date of my health card was on the exact same date of the last day of employment contract. I didn’t think it would be a problem because I thought would be eligible to apply for permanent residency after a year of work. And now, even if I’ve worked for more than 1500 hours, which is close to the total hour 1,560, I’m still not eligible because they only count 30 working hours a week. So to make it brief, I need to work for 3 months more. 

So now it’s like a vicious cycle. I want to work, but I have to find a job. And depression is keeping me from being productive. Even so, I forced myself to send resumes and do interviews. But I guess maybe sometimes job hunting really needs luck, especially when it’s close to winter. So right now, I’m trying to reduce the dosage to 100 mg cuz I only have 100mg pills. And paying private for clinics would burden me a lot. I wanna stop the medication, study English in the meantime, and hopefully find a new job. 

And dont worry, I still have some savings so at least I’m grateful that I won’t be starving. 
Thanks for reading such a long text. I just feel like I need somewhere to writes these things down, but def not Instagram, and journaling makes me feel even more lonely. So I’m here. And since I’m not a native English speaker, feel free to lemme know any grammar mistakes. I’m preparing for CELPIP, sth like IELTS but for immigration purpose. I’ll write sth else next time. Hope you all are doing okay. Good night.