I’ve been involved with for 2 and a half years and officially dating for 10 months a girl whom I love very much.  However, I am consistently in a state of seeking out things to find negative about her.  My subconscious is trying to convince me to break up with her ALL the time.  And it’s making the relationship almost unbearable.  Also, I often get into a state where I can’t feel emotions where I subconsciously berate her and say things to make her push me away, and this is most increased when I feel insecure about the future of our relationship.

To make matters worse, I’m potentially (90%) joining the navy in the end of the year and knowing that is putting serious strain on our relationship for me, as the uncertainty about our future triggers abandonment and a sense of being afraid to be alone again, so my subconscious is always looking for reasons to break up, so therefore consistently seeking out things she does to highlight negatively, and in addition, making a mountain out of a molehill about everything, maximizing the affect of the things she does to “demonize” her in my head.

It’s awful.  I know she’s a great girl, she puts up with my emotional bullshit and I’ve put a lot of strain on her because of events going on in my life (parents got divorced out of nowhere, brother put gun to his head and subsequently mine etc).  She’s my rock, but for some reason my mind is flip-flopping from feeling so NEGATIVE about her to so positive and back!

Any help or advice is GREATLY appreciated.