 

I don’t really know why I am writing or posting this… perhaps on the off chance the person being referred to is somewhere here in this reddit regularly and reads it.   Perhaps to hear advice from people who actually understand what she must be going through.  
 

Either way, I’m just going to write this to you Blue.   I am not mad with you.    
 

I was trying to hug you to soften the words that were to come next, which was a lecture on how bad that particular drug is for someone with a condition like yours, or even mine.  The very hook of that drug, sweetheart, is making bad times for its users so they think about getting on it again… for someone trying to learn how to deal with something like this, that’s really bad news little one.  
 

Your dark times are going to be so much darker.  I know you feel you have accomplished so much, and you have… since I’ve met you, I’ve never been more proud of someone.  
 

I care about you so much kiddo, I don’t care if you split on me, or hate me for saying it.   I won’t turn my back on you.  I won’t break that promise… not because I feel obligated to keep it.   Not because I feel like I need you in my life little one.      
 

It’s what I want to do… you ARE worth standing by and I’m sorry I panicked and yelled at you.   I wasn’t mad with you.   I had triggered at the same time as you and did just that.   Panicked.   I had to try and get through to you just how bad that drug is for you, for me, with either of our conditions.

I’ve lost all my friends arguing until I am blue in my face, defending the value of standing by you.   I’d do it all again.   Because I do understand mental illness, I have my own things and you know that.    
 

But also because I do read this reddit, I have been researching BPD since you told me about having it, missy.  
 

I see your inner thoughts, being reflected here in many posts.    Things I’ve tried to open discussion with you about, but which I know are too hard.  
 

Do you know why you make me proud, Blue?   Because you do try so hard and you have come so far.   You are truly an inspiration.    You want to make change.  
 

So please, little one… My Impossible Girl… if you are somewhere out there in the interwebz browsing this reddit and happen to read this… hate me, don’t hate me… I love you too much to care… so long as you consider these words.  
 

I know what your goal is sweetheart.   Please keep that in mind when you read this.    
 

Rawr, you’re a ratbag sometimes!!!   I know it’s not your fault.  But you’re my best friend and always have been kiddo and I really don’t want to see you back where you were, when we first met.  Or worse.  
 

Always here for you,  
 Bigby.