Had been going through quite a rough time the last couple of weeks and today it had to reach it‘s peak again- together with the events of the weekend…:
 I had to meet my family, with which I am no longer in contact, while I was out in the city on my own.

Awful feeling, from anxiety to pain to fear. All somehow mixed and now I have the awful feeling to destroy myself- to start smoking again, to hurt myself, to anyway in which I could naturally die. Everything and nothing that could possibly destroy me. 
I am all on my own, how can I stop this feeling? I want to be okay, but I feel like I‘m drowning… 

Any advice when it comes to situations like this?