We were together 4 years. I’m blind sided. I sabotage  everything good in my life. He’s an amazing person and I let my BPD ruin it. I truly never thought this would happen. My abandonment has been triggered times 100000. I was so reliant and dependent on him he did everything for me. I’m starting a new job this week I don’t know how to handle this. Even my family keeps telling me he was such an amazing good guy. I fucked everything up. I’ve never felt this pain in my fucking life. Please help. I can’t sleep without him next to me I want to fucking die. Everything reminds me of him. I don’t want anyone else ever. I’m in so much fucking pain I just want it to end