So, long story short, I (19M) was always a quiet kid, and as long as I started to enter the teen-age I, basically, barely spoke to people. I was around 13-14 when I first got the idea that I am unlikeable - I barely had any hobbies, interests, etc, while other guys where much more interesting than me.

Since than I tried to change - I started reading more, got more into sports, different clubs, I tried talking to people more, I got into university I wanted, so thought-out these years I really tried to change and to become more acceptable and likeable, to become more interesting. Bit it changed nothing - people don't try to reach to me, no matter how hard I try to reach to them. I tried not to objectify people and to make myself better to fit them, but i still feel, that I am ugly, unloveable and unwanted piece of trash.

So, how do I accept this and to start to live not accepting that someone - woman or man would ever love me and want me? Cause I am still very dependent on this.