I no longer know what to do with my life. My dreams and aspirations have crumbled in my fingers time and time again. What once was a drive to prove everyone that ever called me a failure wrong, has turned into a numb at best acceptance, or a seething hatred towards the world at worst. 

That seething hatred is likely the worst part of all this. A hatred so deep and profound I lash out at everything over the most trivial of annoyances. The lack of happiness was easy to mask. Pretending that I was okay was second nature. But I’ve lost that, and with that loss I’ve only begun to spiral, giving in more and more to the hate that wells up inside me. A hatred so deep it threatens to swallow me whole. 

I learned quickly in life that the only person who was ever going to pick me up after I fell down, was myself. But what do I do when I’ve lost all will to get up? How can I fight off this all consuming hatred that has been buried deep in myself for so long when convincing myself to simply keep going is taking all that I have?

I am truly at a loss, with no direction, purpose, or drive. I feel as though I’ve hit a dead end and now it’s no longer affecting just myself, but everyone around me. I don’t know what to do.