Okay guys this is the deal my wife and I have been together 14 years. She was diagnosed with BPD when she was about 19 she is 32 now. I did not really hear about it or even see any of these traits that I see now for at least 11 years. Then one day she was having some disturbing thoughts and tried to act out on them so I got her the help she needed. Since then it has been a roller coaster for sure and that incident was not said to be BPD related to me. Anyway fast forward to present time. She has had multiple episodes that she had to go for and receive help. About a month and a half ago took off my car for 3 days. I was very vocal of how upset I was because she is very adamant about not being stuck out here due to the feelings that it causes her to have. About 2 weeks ago took off the car again. It's been a heck of a roller coaster for me because I up until 3 days ago have not really known anything about BPD besides the information that I was learning through my wife. And it really hadn't set in how big of a thing this is in her life. So not knowing too much about this whole disorder and having been through everything that I've been through assuming that my wife is very controlling very demanding very needy very wanting to get her way I was very adamant about how missed up she was for doing this and taking the car and refusing to bring it back unless I agree to her terms and I told her I'm not going to beg for my car and it was very emotional varying vocal more so on my end. She has a thing where if she does not like what's being said she will turn the phone off and just Stonewall you. First night she comes while I'm sleep drops off a drink leaves with the car. I live way 25 minutes away from the closest city but not a huge City in a town that is got one stop light in it and I don't know anybody here. A lot of arguing that day very vocal adamant hateful things coming from me because I just had hit my boiling point. Next day wake up there's another cup or drink and immediately I call her losing my mind because the car is not here there's another drink and I want my car I have to go to work I need to go and make money I pay all the bills. Single tunnel vision minded going off. At the end of all that she told me she was just down at the store and she was going to come back. Still tunnel winding going off mad and she cuts her phone off next thing I know my phone is cut off completely and she changes our PIN code. I was able to get a vehicle get my phone back on go out and work and happen to go find her. With the intention of making sure she's all right and not arguing and letting her know that for one there is a warrant for unauthorized use of a motor vehicle because that was my brother's car that I was buying from him and I'm not the owner yet without it here for me to use I can't pay for it. We have a very long 2-hour discussion outside of her friend's house and basically come to conclusion that like we still want to I say we she said that she was open to still having our relationship she was wanting to give the car back and she missed me and she was going to call me and she's been thinking about me all the time general type conversation. Since I've left that night I was messaging her about how I feel about the certain situations not being mean just voicing my own personal feelings without getting any response nothing until she messaged me to leave her alone stop harassing her she is wanting to do things that are very detrimental to her health because of me talking about my feelings. I'm her favorite person and so I got her to calm down ground herself and she said that she was going to get a hold of me because I had said you know we can go hang out and just hang out or we can go work whatever you want to do she's going to gather herself up and get back hold me. I waited for 2 hours no response messenger told her I was just going to go ahead and leave and go to work cuz I had to make money no response still no response pretty much she has not messaged me one time since I went and found her. She has also not responded to my messages which I stopped talking about my feelings but not responding to my messages at all. I've done a whole lot of research in the last week or actually in the last three or four days to learn more about this disorder. Needless to say I have been her absolute biggest trigger. Thinking that she's controlling she's needy and all these things when in all actuality it was her suffering and really just trying to ease her suffering and trying to get me to do things that I should have really been doing but I was focused on my own selfish wants. She didn't like waking up alone in the morning I was always at work. She didn't like me coming home late her then I would say I was going to be home even if it was only 30 minutes. Knowing that I had caused her so much grief and misery and all that and that I was her favorite person I am really confused. Especially since she has always been very clingy but not cleaning very loving very wanting me around very wanting to be touched and held by me because her love language is also the touch love language. Like I said when I was there in front of her everything was great she was very calm and kosher I was calm and kosher we were very talkative we talked for 2 hours and we hugged I kind of gave her a kiss and it seemed like she was kind of not her normal self about it but not like why did you just kiss me. Normally it's Goosebumps all over and that time it was like I wasn't expecting you to that. Anyway I'm just confused at where I need to be at right now because I don't want to make her feel like she's abandoned but I also have my own mental health to worry about. She is not communicating back with me. She was very adamant about us working through these things and all of that when I was standing in front of her. I feel like she just didn't want me to take the car which was not my intent and she just diffused the situation to not have a scene caused even though I was not my intent either. And I feel I feel really abandoned used very not cared for. Is this her just being done with me is this her BPD acting out is this I don't know guys that's what I'm trying to figure out do I try to continue to show her that I care or do I just you know kind of back off let her do whatever it is she's doing and go about trying to make sure that I am mentally sound whether or not that means that she is. We have been through a lot we have had several times where we had split up for a couple months and she would go and be with somebody else and I would just kind of hang out until she figured out that she just wanted to be with me. One of her things that she always says is that she cannot imagine herself growing old with anybody else but me what she said when we were standing here she still feels that way. This was the worst argument that we've ever had in it was really mainly me being overwhelmed stressed out feeling like I'm being tortured and almost as if she wanted me to feel the way that she feels.