i don't know how to explain properly my problems. It can be confusing but i'll be glad if you at least try to understand. Because many thoughts  coming to my mind at the same time and it's hard to put them in a line. Also sorry for my broken English. 

I am a non-Binary woman living in a third world country. I don't like my job but i have to spend most of my time for it due to economic crisis. I am an artist but i don't have much time for drawing. It really makes me sad and disappointed. Because art is my first priority. I want to go to Italy for post graduate but i need more money to do. i am saving my money from that job at least for 2 years and it only provide half of the fees. (our money is at least 10 times less valuable than euro and it's getting lesser fastly).

I stayed Italy at erasmus from years ago. Now i can only see there in my dreams. One of my dreams i were at there for a kind of job i don't remember the details. I was so happy until my guide said that it's a dream. I cried. Still remember that disillusion.

This place is like a prison. i didn't see sea for 3 years. Since pandemics i couldn't go to a park, or a cafe to relax. Because either i don't have time from the job or there is a curfew. Goverment puts curfew in discriminated way. They don't know what to do and they don't care for us.  I didn't get vaccinated yet like my peers in this shit hole. I am longing for basic human needs like these. 

My only escape is drawing but it's really getting hard. Because at job i am at the first floor and it's so noisy. It's not a  good place for diving into art. still trying to draw for fun secretly and i am afraid to get fired.

Beside these everyday i see disasterous news on the twitter in my country. Every day means at least a new disaster from my goverment. What they are doing are not acceptable but we are still silent. we are kind of under occupation. I don't feel safe here because of my gender.

In addition today my bird is dead. He was sick and disabled. He suffered a lot but he tried his best to hold on to life. He was stronger than me. He gave me hope, but he couldn't make it. I am so sorry.