I made this account just so I could vent how I've been feeling recently. I've struggled with depression a lot and mine has ups and downs, not bpd. I think I might be having another "down" but not sure. I have a job that lies to employees and I can't get the amount of hours I need to live comfortably so I might need to get another job. I had to drop out of college because it became expensive then I took up IT certification on coursera months later. I constantly worry about being able to afford my main bills, but I can't help but want to start a small reptile breeding hobby (already have plans for it). I have a girlfriend that comes from a nice family with money, completely opposite of me, so my gf knows very little about struggling and real life. Both of us are 20 but it feels like I'm the only adult. I've explained to her that it would be nice if she would start acting more like an adult rather than a child (she acts exactly like a child 90% of the time). I've explained that with work and online school on top of bills and providing for both of us that I'm exhausted and I come home to someone that hardly thinks for herself in a lot of situations. She lacks fundamental life skills so I have to make up for it every time. I'm constantly tired, worrying about the next day, and have no form of support group to vent to about my problems. I want to have a career that I can rely on but I'm not sure if I'll have time to get there with my current situation. I'm just a mess of an man (in training) with no idea where to go and still be able to afford to live. If you made it this far, thanks for reading my long vent/rant.