TW: suicidal thoughts

&amp;#x200B;

for some reason, whenever I am feeling manic I feel more suicidal. Does anyone else ever feel that way? Like, I feel like I have the energy to be able to do it sorta impulsively whereas when I'm in a depressive state I find it hard to even get out of bed, never mind kms. Whenever I have attempted I feel like I have done it really impulsively. Like if you told me about a day before that I would be doing it I probably wouldn't have believed you. Idk I just wish that I could do something productive whilst feeling manic rather than being a delusional, impulsive and suicidal mess. I don't think it helps that whenever I'm feeling manic and put my mind on something I can't stop fixating about it until it's happened, or until I'm feeling shitty again and not really thinking about anything. idk, bpd is weird