Human decency, I suppose. I’m incomplete. I’ve worked really hard to get to a place where I can imagine being happy, and experience it from time to time. Even so, there are tendencies seemingly out of my control. My deep insecurities manifest in pettiness, emotional manipulation, and lashing out. My SO deserved better than the best I had to offer. Even if we tried to work on things, the threat of my rage and fickle mindedness would always loom over us. I’m also tired of being the villain. I want to become the success story. This was the first time it’s felt more profound than BPD needs. I love him enough to let him go, but it’s killing me to have to stand by the decision. I’m horribly empty. I still want to hear his voice. I want to be comforted by him. He was conflicted because he didn’t want to part ways, yet couldn’t bear the idea of an uncertain future. And I just want to honor the NC and learn something valuable from this experience.