There is so much stigma attached to being borderline. My personal path is that I'm very open about having BPD. I always tell new/potential partners very early on  in the relationship that I'm a trans woman with BPD. I explain about DBT and how effective the skills are for me.

More broadly, I embrace this part of myself. Yes, I have so-called "extreme" emotions (which is a judgment...good chance to practice nonjudgmental stance). I have a history of "intense and unstable" relationships (hmm, another judgment).

People with BPD are CONSTANTLY judged by so many people (including the psychological/counseling community). Often when I tell people that I love being trans and I love having BPD they look at me with great concern.

But, getting down to brass tacks, I'm always going to be trans. No matter what, that's encoded in my body and my lived biographical gender. And I believe that I'll always see the world through a lens that is neurodiverse (which is not a judgment...it is descriptive). DBT has helped me so much with managing my symptoms. But I think the scars from my trauma and abuse will never fade and I think being borderline is a reaction to that.  I also think that a lot of my behaviors are and were strategies to keep me safe and protected. So, I accept them for what they are. I know new strategies that I can use, now, and I'm happy for that. And, I still have very intense emotional reactions to things.

But I love being emotional. When people describe what the like about me, they always cite my passion and excitability. To me, that is part of being borderline. If you take borderline away, I lose part of my core identity.

It isn't always easy or fun to be trans. It isn't always fun or easy to be borderline. Some days, it sucks (not a judgment!! It sucks when you get denied the medical care you need because you are trans.) And some days I really do wish I wasn't this way.  AND, I believe that a big part of the reason I'm a compassionate, open person who cares deeply about justice is that these experiences have basically forced me to become such a person.

To put it more simply...if I hate being trans, I hate myself. If I hate being borderline, I hate myself. I've spent so many years hating myself and it never gave me anything good. So I'm learning to love myself. Even the parts of myself that are stigmatized.  I don't want to be neurotypical. I don't want to be cisgender. I want to be me, to the max. 