day 17, 507 of life.  nearing 48 years (day 17,250)

i woke up shaking after 4 hours of sleep.  low blood sugar?  anxiety?  i don't know.  i should probably see a doctor.  i switched over to Apple Health (medicaid) over in WA state a few months ago after i broke down and was honest with myself.  there's no reason why i should be paying for private insurance.  i have yet to choose a provider.

alone and lonely.

still in a house i'm neglecting.  i feel ashamed.  nobody comes over out to the middle of nowhere.

i don't have anything to eat.

i haven't started my car in months.

my kitchen is a mess.

i haven't shaved.  my hair is unruly.  i need a teeth cleaning.

i need to do laundry.

the list is endless.  no job.

i have plaque psoriasis that needs to be treated.  i just itch otherwise.  my skin is dry as f.

i want to off myself at every turn.

morning thoughts.

won't hang out or speak to a human today.  or tomorrow.