I'm sick of trying to get help. I have no faith in health care providers to help. And it's not like I just inherently don't trust them, I've just had too many bad experiences. I've had a GP prescribe psych meds that caused seriously bad side effects (to the point that suicide seemed like the only way out) and respond to that with upping the dose for 10 months. I've had another give me psych meds with a 6 month repeat, no follow up. I've had GPs refer to wikipedia or even wordpress blogs in front of me. 

GPs are terrible for mental health. The problems begin at anxiety and end at depression. If I don't score high on a k10, then my mental health is fine. 

Then there are the psychs. I had one who made my every single thought into a symptom that needed to be changed; even the rational negative thoughts like "maybe I shouldn't drive my mechanically unsound car out of town". I've had another tell me I'm suicidal because I self harm, despite me saying I've had no recent thoughts of suicide, my SI comes from anger. Another told me the effort of trying to change probably isn't worth it (whilst that could be interpreted as reverse psych, he also refused to make a follow up appointment). 

But the worst bit by far is the constant referral, initial intake appointment, followed by "well, it sounds like things are really hard atm. I don't think we can provide the level of support you need, maybe try x"

Call x, and I'm no where near bad enough to warrant that level of care. 


When am I allowed to say fuck it all?