Hi guys,

I have PTSD, anxiety disorder and Panic disorder. I've been struggling with it since I was about 10 years old. I realized I'm always tense and I can never truly relax or be myself. I'm tense at all times that even family membersade remarks about it. For example, If I'm at my moms house and we're talking on the couch she says "Sit back and relax, you can't be comfortable like that." That's when I realized I am always sitting upright, very tense with my arms crossed. Lately, My anxiety has got me debilitated to the point of crying a lot, panic attacks just when going to the store or the thought of someone seeing me freak out in the store before I even go outside. I feel embarrassed and just worthless when this happens. I'm sure some of you can relate to these situations and feelings. People tend to forget how debilitating and hard it is to struggle with mental health issues. I feel very alone in this even though I have a therapist and a few friends I can talk to. I don't want to bother anyone and just feel like I'm having a nervois breakdown. My partner can tell and does his best to try and help and he does. But like I said I'm very good at putting on a mask like everything is fine or I'll  say "I'm just tired" when he asks me whats wrong. I have disassociated all week and it's very uncomfortable. I felt so akward in therapy this week because I didn't feel like talking and I felt completely numb like Im just existing. All I know is that it gets very hard to manage life like this.