My boyfriend is currently my FP and has been for ages. I rely on him a lot for being a logical view on some of my issues when I can’t put together my thoughts in a coherent way, or when I’m psyching myself out over nonissues. He’s incredibly helpful and understanding, and I cling to his attention whenever he provides it. 

It’s just so difficult when I don’t have it though, and while I totally understand (hell, we both work pretty stressful jobs with weird hours on top of being full-time students) a life outside of our relationship, on days when our free time doesn’t intercept I feel horrible for needing his support when he isn’t free to provide it. 

Currently I’m going through some blues— not feeling terrible, but my day isn’t as good as I wished it to be and he often is able to cheer me up and fix these minor emotional slips with a few hours of chit-chatting intermittently. Not a constant attention, but responding every 30-45 minutes or so for a five to ten minute conversation until his shift ends isn’t abnormal. 

He’s out with friends tonight, for the first time in weeks. So I’m doing my best to not bother him or ruin his night out with my dramatics, but I feel incredibly bad for desperately wanting him to split his attention on me and his night out. I don’t want to ruin the vibe of relaxing with friends but I know that he’ll be upset that I’m not letting him know I’m doing poorly. The rule is I tell him when things get bad, but my metric of bad changes depending on what he’s doing. If I’m struggling with a SH relapse, it’s only bad enough to discuss if he’s not busy— if he’s busy, it doesn’t take precedent unless he’s told me whatever he’s up to is boring or relatively unimportant. 

I don’t know why I feel so terrible when he’s been nothing but communicative and healthy in his support for me. This is the first time a person in my life has gone out of their way to listen to me and offer help when I ask, or just listen if I don’t want solutions and just need to air out my woes.