Everything came back to me; my shitty childhood, the trauma, the stupid shit I’ve done, how terrible I am as a person. And I just silently cried and hyperventilated as he slept next to me. He gets up early in the morning, so I don’t want to wake him up. Yet he wants to help me when I need it. This almost always happens at night, however. Double bind I guess.

I want his support, and I want him to feel included when he wants to. Yet I can’t bring myself to wake him up; why ruin a nights sleep for him over my stupid brain?

Idk what to do in these situations. It’s been half an hour. I’m composing myself in the bathroom and then going back to bed. I won’t even mention this to him in the morning. Why bother?

Idk fam, I feel hopeless and like a burden.