I’ve had depression on and off for the past five years due to chronic and extremely unhealthy loneliness. I’ve done everything I can to try and fix my situation, but I’m still alone. So at this point, after five years of trying, I accepted where I am. I started smoking weed to numb the pain of the loneliness. It worked for about two months (my tolerance rn is too high for me to feel great effects). I can actually say I was happy. It helped me see the brighter side of things. 

Yesterday my mom smelled weed on me and was extremely disappointed in me. I was stuck in the car as she cried and told me she’s sorry she failed me since I need a “chemical to stay alive”. That whole situation made my depression worse. I told my mom about how bad I’m getting yesterday before she smelled the weed. Thus, I think she was more understanding. 

She also said “Why are you still smoking? It’s obviously not helping.” And that made me think. It makes me happy when I’m by myself but when I’m around other people my depression just gets worse?

So my question now is, what do I do for my depression. My tolerance for weed is getting too high so I barely feel anything. I don’t want to get into other substances but I can’t feel like this anymore. As much as I don’t want to get on antidepressants, it may be the best course of action.