I have hobbies and interests. I cycle through them and new ones get thrown into the mix sometimes, but now that I’m older there are certain ones I definitely cycle back to. I know I’m transgender, even if my sexuality has changed a lot and the intricacies of my gender identity have sometimes too. 

I don’t know if I struggle with this still because my BPD is quiet? It’s like I’m constantly searching for my identity and asking questions but I just get more confused. Or when my mood swings and I feel vengeful instead of like I want to try my hardest to be a “good” person, or not terrible like I often feel, then I don’t know who I am. And when my hobbies and other pieces of identity start to cycle or change a bit. I once read an article on quiet BPD that describes it as constantly being introspective but just feeling like you get sucked into more of a black hole the deeper you go into yourself. That’s definitely how I feel.

Obviously logic tells me I have things that point to an identity even if I feel differently or my interests change sometimes. But when will I FEEL it?