I (24F) got diagnosed with BPD 10 months ago during a stay in the psych ward after attempting. I started DBT and increased my antidepressants and added seroquel for sleep. 

In February I got a new job. I was handling things well, I was excelling at work and learning to cope better. 

6 weeks ago I decided to alter my meds (with my psychiatrist’s input and supervision) because the sexual side effects were affecting my relationship. My psych also took me off the seroquel at that time. 

I got a promotion at work, and moved back in with my parents due to a lease issue around the same time. 

I am struggling. My anxiety is creeping back up, my depression is dragging me down. I have no motivation, I want to run away from my life. My partner is so wonderful and he is so supportive but I’m feeling hopeless again. I want to increase my meds again but my partner cannot handle having sex once every 2 months long term and I don’t blame him. 

Today I had a performance review at work. My manager told me that I seemed like I was trying to “prove myself” in my new role and essentially that people were finding me to be over the top and showing off. She also told me that a different manager had reported to her that I “yelled at a coworker publicly” when I jokingly told my colleague she got me in trouble for not passing off a task when she went into a meeting. 

I am mortified. I feel sick. I am not an angry person, and I am certainly not unprofessional enough to publicly yell at a colleague. I did not feel like I was trying to prove myself either, I was just being myself and doing my job well and enthusiastically. 

I don’t know what to do. If I increase my meds it’ll hurt my relationship, if I don’t I’m going to continue to feel hopeless. If I keep the same energy at work people are going to dislike me, if I stop trying so hard I wouldn’t be doing my job to my best abilities. 

Fuck living contradictions. Someone tell me something happy or encouraging please.