CW/ using sex as a coping mechanism.

i haven’t done this in a while so it’s been hitting me hard today. when i feel like shit i’ll message a few of these completely toxic guys on snapchat it’s so gross and embarrassing but it’s like that’s how i want to feel. we’ll exchange photos and talk dirty (you know how it goes) it’s actually repulsive and i hate every second of it, i know they don’t actually want me or love me but for a minute it feels like they need me and i’m the one making them feel good. i didn’t end meet up in person this time because last time it ended up really badly. i just want to be seen and for a little while, i’m all they’re focused on which feels really nice to be important. and then when it’s over, i feel disgusting and used and i have to remind myself i did this to myself.