My best friend of two years and I had to quarantine for two weeks together at my place when he flew down. We drove back up to his place (10 hour drive) and yesterday, after never doing this, he blew up at me in the car. The blowup in anger was not ugly, however. No cursing, no insults, no demeaning. He was frustrated and said he had been patient for two years and it is so hard and that he needs "space". I asked him, and he said "No, the friendship is not over", but to please either leave or stay the night and then leave. He asked me to make sure I got home safely. When he blew up at me, I cried. He did say "what do you have to say, I am listening". I told him how much the friendship means to me and how hard I have worked. No anger when I said that. I smiled at him with tears running down my face. I peacefully went in his home, got my things, and quietly left. It felt like a knife had been wedged into my heart.

I am scared the relationship is over. I keep thinking "what if it never goes back to what it was" or "how do I fix it". We share anything; he tells me everything and vice versa. Change in front of each other, share secrets, drive other's cars, etc.

He said space and I don't know how long it will be. He needs to message me first, but I am struggling. I got nauseated and couldn't eat until two hours ago.

For those of you with BPD, I am sure you can relate. This is my FP and he is not a typical man. He is compassionate, patient, and sweet. When you see someone like this explode, you can't help but feel terrible because I did contribute to it. He is not fake, a bully, or a bad person. I am not idealizing either; numerous friends have said I am lucky to have him in my life. I need to learn to take accountability and communicate better with him.

What can I do to preserve this relationship, heal it, and make it stronger? He specifically asked for space and said don't contact him unless it's an emergency and to cancel my plane ticket in February to see him again. BUT, he could be saying this when he was mad because he was lividly angry. I read too much into it and felt like he meant he never wanted to see me again.

I feel the answer will be give him space. But as you know, this is SO hard to do. But the relationship is not all about me; it's two-sided and I need to respect him. I told him I respect him as a friend and will give him space.