Trying my best so its not getting too long: (edit it got long im sorry..)  


Trigger Warning(?): Im talking about the my personal experience, panic attacks, mentioning abuse, hypochondria, just the usual anxiety stuff.  


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I always was kinda a nervous kid, my father was a abusive alcoholic (not to me but i still witnessed as toddler as i heard), lacking of self esteem which got better eventually. Hypochondria accompanies me since i can think. (i was the child that WANTED to see the doctor lol).  


Often in the bus when i felt something in my throat, i thought im gonna suffocate. When i grow older and started weed and doing party drugs sometimes, i got the usual panic attacks when smoking too much weed. (Increased Heart rate, feel like im dying etc). I stopped the smoking mostly and partydrugs aswell. The past years were pretty chill (im 26 now) but mentally stressing, during covid i spent way too much time at home. I dont work currently and live alone so much time to think about stuff. I developed some tics (which i had as child aswell like making sounds n stuff) like drawing the Bitcoin logo on the shower wall when showering or like when i eat something and it stucks a bit in my throat i stop put my hand to my head and slowly gulp it down because im scared of suffocating.  
I always was worrying that if i had any symptoms im going to die or have something terrible (thanks dr. google and dr. house).  


Two weeks ago it happened, a panic attack (which i didnt knew it was one at this time) around 1pm, completely sober, not able to breath right, tightening in my chest etc. Since it was the first time i get a panic attack when sober i didnt think bout that. After 20min i called the Ambulance, drove me to the hospital, checked my heart enzymes everything was fine. By time i calmed down, thought ok nice, went to a bar with 2 friends and everything alrghty. Well nope thats when the horror started:  


On the next day i had a panic attack aswell, after calming down, the following hours felt weird, unreal like im in a dream. The following days actualy panic attacks kept out but anxiety came in waves the entire day like multiple hours a day i felt weird, everything felt so unreal, i was in thoughts all the time, asking myself whats going on. Usually in the evening it got better, often also a afternoon nap helps a lot and i wake up way better. This went on for a week, anxiety and fear came in waves the whole day. 2 times i cried to my girlfriend i think im going crazy. Then is got slightly better, day by day.  
I also dream a lot since the first night before the panic attack, aswell have semi solid stool all the time, it really hits on stomach. (Stuff like this just increases my anxiety like, do i have stomach cancer? or lung cancer and thats why i cant breathe? i had my brain.)  


Last week the first days went okay to good, but i figured i need help from a professional (my family and GF help me a lot tho, im very grateful for that.). I went to a private psychiatrist which even says on her website, there are many things that can be done without medication. (Been to a psychiatrist 7y ago but denied any medication but went to therapy which helped.) Well even she was like, "in your case, medication could really help". Well since the past week changed my mind from i never take meds against psychologic stuff to: Pls make it stop, i decided to start medication on wednesday. I got cipralex (lexapro) 5mg/4days then 10mg &amp; Trittico to sleep 100mg for 2 weeks. In 2 weeks we might again and talk about therapy possibilities.  
On the next day i hade the worst pulsating headache and nausea the whole day so i stopped the trittico immeadiatly since beside the amount of dreams, i sleep well.  


Friday was okay, Saturday i felt a bit anxious the whole afternoon but since my birthdayparty was in the evening and i knew i was gonna drink some alcohol so i was a bit nervous in combination with the new med. (i never had bad experiences on alcohol tho). The evening went nice, (ofc 2 beers later i was more calmed lol) and the next day i had nearly no hangover but expected the hangover anxiety.  


This was the first day i took 10mg Cipralex. I went to a friend who is paramedic to play some video games and since i felt kinda anxious and felt that my blood pressure is pumping a lil, i thought hey, he has a blood pressure monitor, lets check it. BAD IDEA. I had 160/90 which is lil higher, ofc this just helped my anxiety, 5min later i had 170/100 and there we go, the first real panic attack in days. Time for breathing method, lying on the couch not trying to die. My thoughts, what if i dont have anxiety but in reality its my heart and blood pressure that rushes to critical numbers from itself and having some illness. (hypochondria yeyyy). After i calmed a lil it was 150/90, still high but for 30min after a panic attack, quite ok i guess.  


Yesterday i was with my girlfriend, i felt the anxiety most of the day, often thinking bout blood pressure and health issues and overall it felt like im tripping and a bit unreal. After we did a nap in the afternoon like 3pm, i woke up way better again.) My Hands &amp; Feet are sweating horrible but this aswell as the feeling might be caused by the mediciation?  


Today i woke up with a bit of morning anxiety, later this day im going to a pulmonologist (im gonna check my whole body the next weeks to calm myself everything is alright.) Since i spent the past weeks lurking on reddit the most time (it calms me to see how other people cope with it, their experienced with medication and that im not alone) i thought today i will write this post, to ask people who experienced or experiencing similiar to tell me their view on my situation or tell me about theirs. I dont know what i expect at this point honestly, writing this just helped me a lot right now.   


Am i doing alright?  


Sincerly yours, a new Member!