Hi, this is going to be long and sad and mention suicide but I have no active plans to kill myself. 

So yesterday was my birthday and it fucking sucked. I turned a big "adult" age and was super nervous about the birthday for awhile because due to my traumatic past I never really figured I would get this far in life. 

Well none of my friends really even texted me for my birthday. I spent it alone and napped because I was so lonely and sad and thought I'd do something incredibly stupid otherwise. 

My SO worked to cheer me up a bit and it helped but it's just not enough. 

I'm also in groups on social media that are all about posting positivity and someone got mad at me for asking a super simple question (I asked if things like grammar could change significantly in the same region of a country, not in areas that speak different languages.) I don't even understand how I am being attacked for that. 

And I go to those groups to see how positivity every once and a while and not have people be mean. And now even that feels useless. Before someone suggests it - social media is a part of my job, I cannot delete or deactivate it. 

I've just always tried to fight this loneliness void by being as nice to everyone as I can and I feel like everyone still hates me and I'm just done trying. 

I don't know what else to do.