I'm in a relationship that seems to be unhealthy for me but I just cling to it anyway. I'm really losing hope in ever loving somebody again like I did once. 

Today I'm just feeling like I should crack down and use the current relationship to get free of all this emotional stuff. Just deal with this bf to get through my degree, get a real job and bail. Yeah, I'd have to put up with this situation for another 2 years but I'd have a goal of just being completely independent finally. I don't think I can do it alone right now. I wish I had family I could live with to get financially independent but I don't. I just have my current situation. It sounds shallow and mean but I can't think of anything else or any other way to be happy. 

I don't feel bad because the dude has problems that I don't get but just likes to get laid so I think he confuses that with really caring. There will be no marriage and kids because I don't want to associate with his family after things they've said to me. I want marriage and kids but if it's not with the person I really do care about, it won't happen. The way I've been treated lets me justify just using this to catapult myself out. So, it's going nowhere anyway but I pay my half of the rent and living costs. I'm financially beneficial to keep around. It's not like I'm not pulling my weight here. I just need a safety net since I'll be paycheck to paycheck until I get this degree. Plus, getting some help academically will be convenient having this guy around. 

I'm daydreaming about graduating, landing a job and just leaving without a word. I just feel emotionally detached and don't care about using somebody. But, I don't think I can handle living in a relationship for the rest of my life unless it's with the person of my choice, and that's not happening and I don't want to put the effort into dating anymore. 

Anybody else have these black&amp;white extreme feelings? And has anybody else just gotten out to be alone and finally found that that's what works?