Just out of curiosity. Pretty sure my mom is a narc/with bpd traits. Had a very tumultuous relationship with my mom basically my whole life. Even now as a 31yo grown woman, I still look for my mom's approval with things that I do. It's crazy because when I was little she never gave me attention but treated my younger brother with lots of love/pampering and attention. I literally acted out just so that I would feel "noticed" by her. It's funny now that we're grown, my younger bro moved out and got married and started his own life, he barely even calls our mom; and I'm the one who is here for my mom, financially and emotionally supporting because she lives with me. In some ways I'm glad that I now have my mom all to me, but then I do realize that its probably not a healthy attachment and I should be focusing on my own life if I ever want to get married/have my own family. 

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Lately I've been having alot of anxiety/thoughts that I will probably go batshit crazy if my mom dies. I literally don't know how I would deal with it, and I've just been getting alot of anxiety about it. Can anyone relate?