Sooo sorry for the length but i appreciate anyone willing to read!

 So my boyfriend (20M) &amp; I (19F) started off as friends with benefits. i was still getting over a breakup that happened about 5 months prior but soon as he and i had our first conversation i could tell he’d be my new FP after it felt like i’d never find a better connection than i had with my ex. Well he was super noncommittal - i’m talking every girl he’s ever had sex with (&amp; it’s a lot) wanted to be with him romantically. granted he looks a lot like A$AP Rocky i don’t blame them lol and he’s had good connections with all of them but he never cared to be in a relationship and every single person in his life knew this. well of course he decided to settle down with me of all people. since this is his first relationship and my 4th (all mine were at least around a year long) he’s def got some catching up to do but i can’t tell if he is ignorant, toxic or my bpd makes him out to be worse than he is.

now to my points:

- he almost expects me to do all the nice things i do for him and sometimes shows minimum appreciation like a quick “thx mama” while other times not really acknowledging it. but if i DON’T do something i usually do i’m acting weird or i get “wow that’s crazyy” in a half joking tone.
- he isn’t really good at doing the little thoughtful things that keep a girl happy in a relationship. don’t get me wrong tho he does sometimes but not usually without me hinting it or straight up saying what i want. it makes me feel like i’m putting a lot more in than i’m getting out and it’s not like he owes me but sometimes it’s nice to feel like he thinks about me and my likes as much as i think about his .. without hints.
- a lot of the times he’ll be in a more bleh mood. not that anything is wrong i’ve learned that that’s just how he is. like the other day we were on facetime and he just got out the shower. he was shaking his hair out and i asked to see the bathroom bc it’s a new dorm room and i’m not allowed in due to COVID. and he snapped kinda “you see i’m doing something right? why are you asking to see the bathroom and you see i’m doing something?” it hurt my feelings because he knows i’ve been more down lately and i was just trying to show interest in his life &amp;&amp;&amp; i also met that i wanted to see *after* he was done drying his hair which takes all of 30 secs. i felt my voice starting to break from holding tears so i said “sorry just call me back when you’re done then”. he never called back but he did come over right after which he does everyday anyway. i told him in person how it felt and he said you right sorry mamas i didn’t have to do that.
- when we argue (which isn’t too often) it seems like he twists everything and my short and long term memory is already messed up so a lot of the time i end up tripping over my points or feeling dumb but then when i ask anyone else if i was tripping (&amp; i know they’ll be honest) and they always say no and that they’d feel the same way i did.
- when i ask him to help me do things he most of the time acts like i’m asking a lot or i have to plead with him to do it or help me do it. however he does have ADD so i get he can be unmotivated to so i try to keep that in mind. but even with my diagnosis and my extreme lack of motivation i still 9/10 jump up to help him with ANYTHING he asks. for example i asked him if he could load the dishwasher FIVE DAYS IN A ROW and he finally said he would but then said it everyday and still didn’t do it until doing a 1/2 ass job yesterday, leaving half the dishes in the sink. yes it’s my apartment and i pay the bills but he’s here EVERY SINGLE DAY since i got it in june. i buy him groceries, i let his friends come over or sleepover whenever, i cook for him, do his laundry when he asks and so much more AND THAT’S JUST IN THE HOUSE. but he told me asking him to do it when i’ve ben the one in the house all day is like me being a parent. but i’ve literally tried to do it myself all those days &amp; couldn’t bring myself to and i told him about my brain and all. it was rlly a small thing i felt like i shouldn’t have to ask but maybe he’s right.
- last one bc this is getting long he broke my trust several times while we were supposed to be exclusive just not together officially yet. he was texting every other girl he seen on socials. finally i was ready to leave bc of it but we ended up talking and fixing it. he’s been a lot better to me since and there’s been nothing unloyal of him since we’ve officially started dating. he’s trying for sure but sometimes i catch myself splitting between loving and hating him. now i feel like i’m in the middle where i KNOW i love and care for him but i don’t FEEL it. it feels like just an attachment now but one i don’t want to lose.

Now i know to some he may sound like a straight ass but just know i like mine a lil bit mean because i’m the same way - healthily of course. and he’s not mean. he treats me really well in comparison to how he’s ever treated any other girl before, he brings me EVERYWHERE with him, he wants to grow with me financially &amp; is supportive of everything i do (even tho he could show it more), he makes good efforts with certain things i point out, he’s smart, hes sweet a lot of the time, he’s protective but not controlling in the slightest, he’s a lot of good too.

but basically LONG story short idk if my borderline personality disorder makes me more critical of the things he’s doing and i’m getting ahead of myself or if he actually is being kinda inconsiderate a LOT of the time.