For me, I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm going to die. I know happiness is there, but I'm not going to last long enough to get it. It's been 2 terrible years going through this endless sea of depression, aloneness, sadness coming to nothing but disappointment and I'm afraid that it has got hold of me and I'm okay with that. The only reason I'm here is because of my parents and my small group of friends, otherwise nothing is worth living for.

My group of friends is the only one that never considered me as a hostility and that's why they're special to me. Growing up, a lot of kids always saw me as a hostile and rejected me and saw me as someone who was going to break their group up but all I wanted was pure friendship and acceptance and these guys were the only ones to take me in. 

My parents are also one of a kind and they've went through a lot for me. They've always tried to provide me with all my materialistic needs even though our financial situation mediocre, but I'm afraid I'm not good enough for them, they deserved somone better.

I will probably go when I'm 19, because I can't take this anymore. This feeling of overwhelming sadness, anxiety and guilt doesn't seem to go away and it's eating me up from inside. Every attempt I made to free myself from this was met with nothing but utter disappointment. I would give anything for that feeling of peace and happiness. I hope I get the courage to go through with it. 

I want to go somewhere to a trip with my friends, then go out to eat with my family and peacefully end it listening to some Linkin Park songs. THIS is my plan....