Okay, I think I may have a problem with porn.. I’ve always been a very adventurous person sexually, I am not ashamed of it. I’ve been in a relationship for the past six years and have been able to control this behaviour. Since the start of quarantine I’ve notice that I am watching more and more... and it has gotten to a point that I can’t not control it any more. I’ve been up staying awake for days.. just watching porn and well you know. But I’m not always ...you know... sometimes I’m just watching it like it’s a tv show and I’m bingeing a TV show that has a 20 seasons!... I can’t stop! I try so hard not to... I’m a fucking monster!! It’s not even fun anymore..( oh btw, me and my bf do not live in the same town about 20 mins away, but my city has a “ State of emergency” so we must stay within our towns or face the chances of being ticketed) we poor as is and don’t need to have that added cost. 

I got my diagnosis a few months back I’m learning more about it.  is this a thing that happens to some people with BPD.. I know I personally have risky sex, and from what I’m reading it’s something that some people do. 

How can I control this... it’s very embarrassing, even though some may think it’s hot and sexy it’s not!! I feel like a horrible person I feel like a pervert! It’s not normal! I fucking hate this about me!! I’m so disgusted, I can’t even look at myself in the mirror...( not that I have many or that I can on any other day... it’s just way more voices saying these things. I only have 2 mirrors I don’t like them) 

Dose anyone have this happen to them? If so, how do you stop your self.