I thought... maybe it's over maybe I can be normal again i havent been self destructive or tried to push everyone away and everything seems to work just fine... until it doesn't 

In just less than a week i found myself in the ER twice both times I overdosed on pills pushed away a good friend of mine went to a psych ward left because they made problems instead of helping and got discharged from the military 

So now I'm alone at home all day trying to keep myself busy so I wont get back to that place, I'm alone again doing nothing I'm too afraid to create new relationships so I wont ruin those too because all it takes is a tiny thing that goes wrong to set me off on a rampage and when I wake up from it it's too late