Firstly, I’m not sure if I was ever officially diagnosed with BPD. About a year ago however, I was told by my psychiatrist that I exhibit symptoms of a person with mild BPD, and she set me up with a psychologist and recommended a DBT manual to me. I’ve been working through the manual and I think visiting my psychologist has helped hugely. I still have the same thought patterns every now and then, but I’d like to think that I’m mostly on top of my BPD for the moment. 

Unfortunately now, someone that I care for very deeply, who also happens to be my FP, has been showing an alarming number of signs that they may also have BPD. The hard thing for me is, whenever they act out or say hurtful things or express that they’re having certain thoughts, I don’t feel angry at them at all, I can only feel sorry for them because it’s like looking at a reflection of my past self. I know how they feel and I know how much they’re hurting and I want to provide them with the care and affection they need, but I can’t do this at the expense of my own emotions. Not after all the work I’ve put in to help myself have a healthier mind. 

Pair this with substance intake and they become a totally different person. Someone that is usually so loving and gentle and empathetic becomes the exact opposite, and begins hurling insults at me, accusing me of things I haven’t done, saying that our relationship is doomed to fail and that I should break up with them right now before it gets worse. It’s a shock to hear these kind of things when I think our relationship has been going pretty perfectly up until now. 

I’m not sure if this is the right sub to post in since a lot of what they do could be attributed to alcoholism, but the symptoms are still present even when they’re sober. I don’t want to diagnose this person with anything but I need to be wary. Now that I’m on the recieving end of the same kind of treatment I’ve put people through previously, I see how damaging and hurtful it can truly be, even if it’s not intended that way. 

Do you guys have any suggestions for me in terms of what I should do? 
Should I take them seriously when they say we need to break up? 
How should I approach talking to them about this? 