Lately I feel no pleasure in anything. Even if I have an orgasm it's just muscular reaction, I remain dead inside of my head. I find no pleasure in sport, reading, can't write - and I love all of these things. I hate this. My life has never been better - I have no problems in my life at this point in my life - except for the ones I create inside of my head. Today should have been one of the happiest days in my life. My SO shared a huge, exciting, happy news with me that will improve our life, and my first thought was - "break up with him, let him go, he'll be so much happier without you" - WTF?! We love each other, I've never been in such a healthy relationship as I am with him. Our relationship has never been this good and instead of just being happy like normal people would be I want to end it?! It's stupid. we haven't had a serious fight in ages, because we talk things through on a daily basis. And I feel such a strong urge to fight with him over anything, just to feel something... 

I don't know if I'm falling into depression again or I'm just such a masochist that I want to sabotage my own happiness. I'm such a mess...