I am 46. Married with kids. When I go anywhere, do anything with my friends, with my family, I feel uncomfortable. Even just staying home and doing nothing, watching a movie with my wife. I feel uncomfortable. It is low level anxiety and it leads into more.

 I feel like I'm locked and I can't be who I am. Like they are singing along to a song in the car laughing. I can only bring myself to sing it under by breath. They are all laughing about something, and while I can see the humor I can't bring myself to laugh. 

I want to laugh. I want to enjoy the moment. Every moment I'm in, I'm not comfortable. Looking for when it's going to be over. But then i'm in yet another one. 

Life is a day after day of feeling this way.  

The only time I don't feel like this is when i'm working, or when I'm playing music with my band. 

I see a therapist. When I'm seeing him lately i'm happy (it's in the morning, i'm at home - it's during work - I feel good. It used to be much worse. Panic attacks all the time. But as the holidays start it's getting worse.

I still do feel joy in the day, when something really funny happens.. but it's not as often I would like. My wife is laughing with everyone she talks to. 

I don't want life to be this never ending series of events that I don't feel right in. I want to be happy. I want to feel joy often. I want to laugh and just let myself be. I feel like i'm always holding back and I'm locked.

I also can't stand being alone.

How do I change? I've been trying for so long.