The thing is, no one asked me to “take care” of them. I just do it. And I don’t like to expect it in return, my care and love is not transactional — I am just upset that I feel like people may not recognize my needs the way I’d like them to even if I explicitly state them. 
I haven’t eaten all day and I’m too upset to eat. I’m flipping between depression and agitation/rage and feel physically incapable. Writing this post is very hard and it’s really bothering me that I’m leaving out details. I feel like everyone on this sub is going to attack me and think I’m an evil bitch, but no one here has said anything like that to me before.
I wish my partner would just order or make some fucking food which is what I would do for them (and what I do like, everyday, including yesterday when they were having a bad day.) 
I’ve told them since I got home hours ago how I’m hungry and feel terrible, and they said they’d be happy to buy/pick up/make food but just haven’t and have seen how upset I’ve been the past two hours. I hate them right now and that makes me hate myself. I feel so alone. I am having such violent thoughts about hurting myself. I want to break my hands, I want to smash my face into something.

I’m so fucking alone with my rage and pain and no one fucking gets it. The crisis line through my insurance literally tells me I call them too much every time I call and they shove me off the phone now — it’s actually really bad and I have to file a professional complaint. I called them twice in the last hour and got the same person who hung up on me after telling me to take a bubble bath. They have a pop-up notification or something when I call and will cut me off in the middle of crisis to tell me I call too much and don’t do anything on my own to take care of myself. Which is problematic on its own, but also a perception that’s totally false. They don’t even know me! I’m so tired!!! I fucking hate myself and everyone else. I never ever feel understood. I don’t trust my friends and feel like everyone wants to harm me. Everyone. No one understands me. I think my friends secretly hate me and talk shit about me all the time. I don’t know what to do. I can barely articulate my thoughts and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. 