I am M/36yr and have an MBA/PhD. I work for a top-tier firm and based on my social status, I am definitely in the top 0.5% in my country. I have also travelled the world (somewhat, \~25 countries) and live in a fairly upscale zipcode in my province. I am not dating anyone right now and have never been married. Problem is, I am just not happy with anything or know what to do with my life. 

It seems that things that gave me happiness or joy are decreasing with time. I used to be a big foodie while growing up. I travelled hours for places that were highly rated on Yelp and other platforms. I spent most of my 20s watching sports matches on the weekend, travelling for experiences, going for long drives, reading many many many books, and playing sports. Now, I struggle to get out of bed. All I want to do is just sleep throughout the day on the weekend and then just blame myself for wasting my weekend. I do drink myself at night (I do enjoy it, just cold beer and scrolling through reddit, lol) but I haven't stepped into a gym for years now. On Sunday evening I am dreading Monday (even though my team and the company are great). On the weekdays, I am just waiting for the weekend again, as if things will somehow change. 

I do make plans to change my habit do/learn something new, but I rarely follow through. I get super anxious before doing anything and triple doubt myself on small little things that pretty much anyone would agree that I am great at. This is impacting my professional and personal life. I am constantly missing deadlines of late and just not doing 100% or even 70%. 

I've always had this crippling feeling, for a better part of the last decade but it has gotten so much worse offlate. During the pandemic, I've had a few personal losses and a breakup as well. Maybe it's because of this? I have also tried therapy and taken a sabbatical. Both somewhat help. That episode in Bojack where Holly asks Bojack whether that negative voice will ever go away, that's what I feel. I am not sure what else to do. Is this the new normal? Is this how life will be? A mix of constant anxiety, sadness, and self-loathing?