Okay so long story short, I have been in an extremely turbulent/passionate relationship on and off for 3 1/2 years. I care deeply for this person, but on the other hand, one of my exes that I briefly dated while me and my " bf " were on a break has now become my FP and I cannot leave them alone!! This has been ongoing for like a year on/off, but to make it worse i'm on holiday right now over 10 hours away, a holiday that is 5 weeks long (I am on week 3) so of course the obsessional messaging has heightened with the FP. So I have been thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend, mainly because I feel extremely numb? towards him, and while being on holiday I have been processing the last year of events which have been extremely painful and traumatising tbh. We have had many physical fights, my boyfriend is a lot stronger than me mentally and physically, and having flashbacks to the way he has hurt me is really triggering. I thought I could forgive him but I am not sure if I really can. Also the last 3 times I have tried to move on he harrassed me and fucked with my head so much that I just gave up in the end, stopped seeing the people I was seeing and went back to him. Which I know is my own stupid fault. But he broke me down so much used everything he knew would destroy me against me like jealousy, abandonment, blackmail, got his friends to text me etc. 
I am so sorry for the long post but I really need some people to help me, because I am trying so hard to get better (sobriety, healthy etc) and of course I haven't been perfect to my other half, I have been unfaithful which I regret deeply, but I just need some advice... Hope this makes sense.