My grandma died on Saturday night. Moms been losing her shit since. I’ve tried being there for her as much as I can, not sure what to do as our relationship isn’t the greatest. 

The past few months she’s treated me like shit. Told me i was raped by my ex and it was my fault. That one has stuck by me and I haven’t been able to forgive her. I have a kid and her and my father help me raise her as I’m a single parent. 

She doesn’t do this around my kid. My kid recently started going to her fathers for visitation. I wanted her to stay an extra day because my mother and I fought yesterday, I just wanted some alone time and I shut my bedroom door. I was dissociating pretty bad since my grandma’s death and just wanted to watch some YouTube videos and sleep. 

Mom comes up the hallway and pounds on my door, this triggers my PTSD as it reminds me of my ex. I immediately start sobbing. Mom tells me I’m horrible, manipulative (I’m so fucking sick of hearing that). She’s done helping with my child, etc. I told her I want my kid to stay at her dads one extra day so she doesn’t come home to this and she told me if I do this she’ll kick me out. I tell her “so if she doesn’t come home tomorrow, you’ll make us homeless?” genuinely asking, not trying to fight. I wanted to know where she was coming from. 

She then told me to “let her come home, be a mother.” I sobbed all day from 2 PM yesterday to 10 AM today. To the point where i was puking. Mom told me to put the whole situation behind me so when my kid comes home it’s not a thing she’s around bc it’s what “good mother’s do.” 

I’m currently in DBT (just started and I have one on one tomorrow and 100% intend to tell my therapist all this fucking bullshit). 

I’m just at a loss. I wish I had /real/ parents. I wish I had parents that would support me having BPD and wouldn’t try to make it worse. I wish I had a support system. No one gives a fuck about me and I’m alone.