I expend so much energy just pouring over details from the past (thanks to FB timeline). I know it's a waste, I have to live in the present/future, blah blah blah, but I just keep getting drawn back to her. The one he almost chose over me, years ago. He chose me, didn't he? So why can't I accept that I'm the one he wants to be with? Instead I obsess over every little detail about her. 

The ironic thing is if I became her, he wouldn't want me anymore, because he chose me in the end, right? So why can't I get that damn fact into my head and accept happiness? Am I destined to self destructiveness forever? Am I destined to pushing him away time after time so that he'll finally never return, and thus prove that I'm worthless after all? I feel so hopeless.