I know it sounds like an overtly dramatic statement, but I don’t know how to describe this sentiment in any other way.

I’m a male in my mid 20s and I was diagnosed with BPD a year ago.


I’ve been feeling « empty » since I was around 11, 12. For a long time, I was confused, lost, feeling completely disconnected from the world around me, alienated from my peers, from school, from everything, essentially living my life in my head.

I went from being a normal, extroverted kid who had lots of friends to being a withdrawn, detached kid who would internalize every teasing remark, opting to stay away from people, remaining in my comfort bubble.

It wasn’t exactly depression, even though I struggled with it for years. It was more like a general sense of emotional bluntness, emptiness, a painful feeling of never ending neutrality, accompanied by extreme boredom and anger.

Years later I’m still like that. I’m alone most of the time, by choice and honestly, I only ever feel « lonely » when I’m surrounded by people.

I occasionally do hard drugs and engage in other, binge structured, destructive activities, because it’s the only way I can feel.. alive.

Life is generally underwhelming to me. Boring, dull, empty. 
It takes a lot to get me excited