How can you cope with a family member with BPD?

I know she is suffering, but she has turned our lives into hell since she got the diagnosis a few years ago. She just lurches from crisis to crisis, minor incidents being blown up to extreme proportions. We all live in constant fear of her, anything we say can set her off and cause her to explode and destroy us. She constantly manipulates us to get material gains, or constant attention and validation for minor things. No criticism is allowed, and even the lack of compliments sets her off and brings her into a crying fit or more abuse and insults from her. 

We feel like prisoners in our own home and we don't know what to do.