Slight mentions of suicide

im 15 years old with diagnosed ocd (unmedicated) and highly highly suspected adhd. first off i wanna say i fully understand its hard to diagnose teenagers because of their underdeveloped brain and hormones. 
for the past 2-3 weeks or so ive started obsessing over BPD and trying to constantly figure out whether i have it or im just “exaggerating”. As ive been reading more and more about the symptoms things have been “clicking” and im starting to believe it more and more. im going to copy paste my notes and reasonings for my symptoms because im too lazy to retype it.

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 Almost constant feeling of boredom and emptiness. (Even when doing something fun like hanging out with friends I always have a moment of “clarity” where I kind of detach and get a sinking feeling in my stomach, and start feeling empty, usually after that it takes me a while to forget that feeling. There are times where I’m laughing really hard and having a good time and then I think about hoping I never stop laughing and that I don’t want this feeling to stop) Almost every night i fall into existential thinking and just an overall empty feeling.

Extreme mood swings. (Go from hopeful and joyful to wanting to isolate and do nothing. go from 0-100 constantly )

Intense emotions, anger especially. (Extremely irritable when anxious, almost immediate regret after outburst) Went on a 1-1 trip with my mom for a month and its like everything she said set me off and made me react. I feel so terrible for her and know she doesn’t deserve the way i treated her but even now i have trouble controlling myself.

Frequent fights and arguments with people close to me. (especially with mom, sometimes she even says shes scared to talk to me because im so volatile . Also go very frequently from hating to loving and appreciating one of my best friend)

Hard to recognize my identity and my image of myself changes a lot. (Go from thinking i look amazing and better than everyone around me to thinking I’m disgusting and hating all my flaws. Use typology (Systems based on personality types)  as a way to compare and try to “learn” about myself and who i am, to the point of me obsessing over it and using it as a reference point to my values and reactions. Go from thinking im being the most jealous and envious piece of shit to the most empathetic, kind and introspective person)

Strong jealousy/envy.

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now for the symptoms im still not sure about: 

Suicidal Ideation: im too afraid to harm myself but i have suicidal thoughts (not too frequently).

Disassociation: I genuinely cant figure out whether i dissociate, i think i do but based off every description, i cant tell for sure. 

Avoiding abandonment: i have no clue, i spend 80% of my time in my room alone rotting anyway. Ive heard some people subconsciously do it, but im really not sure, i dont think anyone really wants to be alone.

Dangerous and self destructive behavior: i believe im impulsive and have little self control but i dont have that much of a desire to go out and do a lot of these self destructive things. i also know that impulsivity and little self control align with adhd. 

theres a lot of details i didnt mention, but i just dont know what im doing anymore, and everyday is the same.

sorry if its hard to read or understand.