As my area in the US is "returning to normal" and many places are not requiring masks, I've begun to really panic.

After my dad died suddenly 6 years ago, my relationship with health-related topics has never been the same. I obsess that every little thing is going to kill me or someone I love. I likely have OCD (according to my therapist, but not officially diagnosed) and health/germs have become an even worse obsession during the pandemic. Everything feels contaminated.

I have been vaccinated since March with J&amp;J, and afterwards I panicked that I got the "worst" vaccine. Of course, when it became a thing with the blood clots, that was panic-inducing, too. My SO got Pfizer, and I can't help but feel like he got a "better" one. I know logically this isn't *really* the case, but anxiety is not logical.

Basically, everyone around me including my work is ready to go back to normal. I'm not. I was at a wedding this past weekend and only stayed for the ceremony, and wore a mask. I had a panic attack when I got to the venue. I was the only one in this big crowd with a mask. Some people made rude comments to me about it. I don't wear a mask around my vaccinated mom or one of my vaccinated friends because I trust them. I don't trust a lot of the people at the wedding. I know they've been behaving reclessly and some aren't vaccinated--some even still believe it's a hoax.

I'm really struggling in this gray area we're in. I feel like I don't know what the "right answer" is, what the "right thing to do" is. Do I wear a mask if it makes me feel a little better and say screw you to anyone being rude to me? Do I force myself to not wear a mask? I don't know.

Any advice for navigating and handling this fear I feel during this time? I have to attend another wedding this coming weekend. If it weren't my SO's sister, I wouldn't be going. But I'll just go to the ceremony again. Any advice is welcome. Thanks.