used to think i could be w my bf forever. it definitely felt like it. but then he broke up with me. that was two months ago. we still talk now but its different. hes hardened and tightened up, conversation stays at surface level. i look back and i just dont know how it got like this. why did i do things knowing it would hurt us or our chances of being together. to think i used to say “it feels like u dont care” and now he actually doesnt. and im holding on to this hope that, yea we both know having a relationship again rn would not be good and that he’s just holding back because he doesnt want to get back into a relationship just yet. maybe he still likes me, its just for my sake that hes not engaging emotionally. and even if thats true, it might not even matter. our happiness together is too far gone. i look back at memories with him and its like those arent the same people. how could it go from there to this. i dont want to accept that we’ve already had our lasts, last kiss, last time at his house, last time having sex, last time hearing him say i love you, last time saying bye. it sucks because now im so much better. im medicated, im doing well in school, im making art again, happy, self-confident and loving, i know what i should have done but its all too late. i think theres just nothing left to salvage. im bored and alone stuck with memories of togetherness and excitement. i dont get it.