After 8 years of constant therapy, having seen more than 40 psychologists and more than 20 psychiatrists, having continuously been on 5 different anti-depressants and antipsychotics (all with minimal results and plenty side-effects), I have officially fell off far enough to be too afraid to go outside anymore. Congratulations me! How fun it is to have CPTSD, autism, OCD, Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD), chronic depression and now be able to add agoraphobia to the list as well!

Half a year ago I decided to take a break from my study for a year to be able to work on myself. Guess that was wishful thinking. The only things I've managed to produce are 5 extra kgs, a sense of loathing from my parents and the inability to get myself to perform the most basic and menial tasks imaginable. I'd say I want to kill myself, but then again, I realise I'm too afraid of the principle of death to be able to pull through with it. So I guess there's nothing else for me to do other than continue bathing in my own hatred towards myself, and wish for things to end one way or another.