that’s how I started everyday since my teenage years then a depressive episode hit me in adulthood that I couldn’t quite as easily get back up from and I sat and waited in the same spot day after day for an entire year. I would do anything to trigger my mania to feel unstoppable. I didn’t have the strength or motivation to do anything no matter how bad things around me were crumbling. I know now I have to go against the grain, against myself and I have to get up and do the thing I dread and when it’s all over that’s real motivation real happiness. Depression felt almost like a choice now…. But I get to slap a diagnosis on it so everyone feels bad but I’m upset with me for the time wasted. I know we were better then that