I'm becoming more than certain that I suffer from BPD. Almost every BPD trait matches - fear of abandonment, feeling lonely and unloved almost all the time, feeling empty, no goals whatsoever, scared of the future, mood swings etc (last week I was feeling depressed, cried for two days and when finally I figured out why I'm feeling like shit and talked about it with my bf, I'm this super energetic person and can't even remember what it's like to cry and wish to kill yourself).

In the last 5 years I've attented 4 therapists. I abandoned each and every one of them by canceling our last meeting and never scheduled the next one. My longest therapy was CBT, but at some point I think the therapist hit the wall and didn't know how to help me. Now I've read that it's common with BPD patients. "If you don't know what it is, they're probably borderline". My last therapy was psychodynamic and it sucked. It's probably the worst type of therapy for someone with BPD, because I want the therapist to understand me, hug me and tell me that everything's gonna be okay instead of "It's up to you to make your life better". Like, ikr, just give me the compassion I need right now.

I'm considering starting another therapy and here's my question - will a therapist ever tell me, that I probably have BPD? I'm asking, because I want to make sure they really know what's going on in my head and will be able to help me instead of figuring it out for almost a year. I asked my latest therapist what's her diagnose and she said that she can't tell me and she'll keep it to herself.

Oh, and once when I felt really bad, anxious and depressed I went to psychiatrist sure that I have bipolar. After listening to me, she said that it's probably BPD, not bipolar and prescribed mild pills for stress. And said that my case is not that severe and I should attend psychotherapy, which is good, but I'm scared that I'll never find a therapist that I will like.