I was friend with my bsf since 2018. Idk how to explain what happened. I had a very rough year with bpd and got very depressed to the point where I didn't eat, did drugs, cried h24 self harm reguraly, impulsively quit my job etc all of the bpd bs. At some point I couldn't get out of my bed but I was still talking to my bsf everyday. When I would try to give a hint that I wasn't feeling well (like I didn't know I was depressed but I knew something was not normal) she would invalidate it saying I'm only anxious bc of work or just changing the subject. She also never really believed about the bpd diagnosis wich I don't really care now but I kinda did when it was destroying my life back then. She told me I was "only depressed like her last year" bc she had a rough time and had a burn out last year. Wich made me really feel really invalidated because back then she said that without even knowing how much in fucking pain I was. 

And I never really pushed about my mental health. If she changed the subject I'll just be "oh she's not comfortable that's ok". And I still can understand but I was so so sad sometimes to the point I was thinking about suicide but was still trying to look happy and be fun so she doesn't leave me. 

Anyway I got so bad that I had to see a therapist at the hospital wich really really really helped me. I'm a new me. I eat, didn't self harmed since march and have a stable job where I don't have conflicts and splitting with others employees (!!!! im so happy about that lol) since march too. And the thing is my friend, I don't think she even realised that I was better. Because she wouldn't listen when I was bad. I've started to see that in our relationship she's the only one that can express her feelings when she's sad. I never do &amp; feel invalidated every time that I tried. She's always complaining that I always change my opinion on people &amp; things so she just doesn't believe me anymore I think. 

From the time I got better and realised I had to go through everything alone I started to get this anger towards her. I started getting really really mad at her bc sometimes I felt like she was disrespecting me. Now we had a last conflict and she told me that I was hurting her. I felt bad but then she told me that she just think I'm faking to create the conflict just so I can use her like a punching bag. Wich made me feel invalidated again because when I get mad I really, REALLY believe what my emotions are saying to me. I'm not "creating" my reactions &amp; I'm tired of her just thinking that I'm crazy &amp; that she's a victim. She has told me mean things too during our arguments and she never apologized. I was always the one who took all of the blame because I'm the one who reacts the most. 

I just hate her now I think. Like literally. Even when we don't have arguments and we're on the phone she talks 90% of the time and fucking doesn't let me talk and talk over me when I try to say something. I'm just her fucking pet I can't be sad, I just have to be fun and listen. And I know she doesn't have bad intentions and that she's a good person but I feel like now I don't want to talk to her again ever. I don't even want to talk about it with her and making it better I just want her out of my life. When she was sad I was there for help and sometimes she would even say mean things but I'll always be like "oh she's depressed she's just emotional" but when it's my turn I have to be in pain alone. And she says we're "best friends". Fuck it.