So I feel like shit because this is just another pile on the shit pile that is shitty bipolar. I got obsessed with a coworker to the point I couldn’t work and felt like I was drunk. My smiles were off feeling if that makes sense and I was 100% convinced this person was my soulmate and I needed to drop everything to be with them. The thing is I wasn’t even that attracted to them.

I even told my husband about this and we decided I needed to tell the person so I could move on from this.

Well I did I told them I felt an “intense energy between us” and I feel like an idiot. I was rightfully so rejected and it was kind of a relief. I’m glad they did I’m just so fucking embarrassed that my brain let me get so wrapped up in this obsession that I couldn’t see straight.

This led me to go into a spiral that I’m currently in. I’m just done with all of this. I’m done with bipolar and all the shitty things it intel’s. Can’t i be normal? Can every aspect of myself not be caused by some whim of it? It feels like I’m nothing but bipolar since everything is influenced by it. 

I let my therapist and psychiatrist know and am going to be talking to them. I don’t feel like im in a good place right now. I just don’t want to do anything any more and I’m more upset about having this realization than the actual rejection. I just want to disappear.