I don't know how it can be so easy for my only 'friend' to tell me "don't worry you're gonna be okay" every time I tell something to her. I mean, I'm trying to stay sane and tolerate all these shits happening to me, but it's just really hard to hold on to something that I know would never happen. As long as I'm here, I know I won't be okay. Even if I don't have any idea what will happen to me in the next few years, I feel like I will stay like this, forever.