i’m twenty and i’ve been depressed on and off for the best part of ten years and haven’t self harmed very intentionally and so severely in about two years. last time i did so i was in crisis mode living away from home and at that very moment in time was in a very very dark place, and shortly after i attempted suicide resulting in a hospital stay. i would say i am in that same place right now. i don’t want to try anything out of love for my family and i don’t want to traumatise them, but i’m deeply afraid of what could happen. i think i may attempt something again, i’m currently living with my parents (last time i wasn’t (and i moved in with them again to better my mental health eg help with menial household duties to lessen the strain on my mental health, the last couple months it’s helped quite a bit but things have gotten so much worse so quickly)) my parents don’t know how bad it’s gotten and i feel like a huge inconvenience letting them know i’m close to trying something, let alone that it’s gotten this bad again. this time round i also think i am a functional alcoholic which makes things 100x worse. i feel like i’m going to try something the next chance i get. should i seek hospital aid? i’m so close to just ending it all soon, what should i do?