I’ve spent so long being miserable, and a lot of people won’t understand, but I want to stay this way. I don’t want to be “happy”. Happy people are just lying to themselves. 

I’ll also lose my personality and the things I like doing won’t feel the same. I really don’t want anybody to know what my life is like, or anybody to confirm that there’s something wrong with me either. I’m so scared.

I can’t say I regret telling my dad because I’m the example my sister needed. If I didn’t do it with her, she’d be even more sad and alone. But fuck, I never wanted anybody to know. I hate myself and I don’t want a therapist to lie to me and change that. Hating myself benefits everyone.