For starters, I don’t have BPD, my partner does. I am posting this to hopefully gain some perspective on this situation as well as to figure out a possible resolution. I hope I am not being disrespectful throughout this post, that is the last thing I wish to do.

We have been together for three years now (we are in our mid-twenties) and I love this person dearly. I see a future with them. Things haven’t always been easy, but each relationship has its ups and downs. I have worked with them through therapy because they genuinely expressed a want to improve themselves. I’ve tried to be as understanding, validating, and compassionate as possible through this whole process. I’ve done my fair share of research and listening to them talk through why certain things get said, but sometimes I feel like they cross certain boundaries and I’m not sure what to do about that.  I know that their emotions are dysregulated and that they don’t have full control over their behavior sometimes, but it is increasingly getting harder to just absorb the hurtful things said and then pretend none of it happened when my partner is feeling better. I’m just not sure how to approach a conversation when I feel like he overstepped without making him angry again (that is usually what happens and then I drop the conversation). Is there any way to do this so my feelings can be heard without triggering his anger?

Last night he crossed a boundary and I’m not sure how to fix it. I have diagnosed PTSD from early childhood trauma related to my father and my partner used that in a disagreement we were having. This is an issue for me because it is a boundary we have set up prior. He knows I do not like my trauma or my father being brought into an episode, and I feel he does this sort of thing to press my buttons. It’s not healthy for me to have it brought up again and I wish we could find a way to have it stop. The whole disagreement sort of came out of the blue and was over something very minute, so it shocked me he went there. I took my space for the rest of the night to let things cool off because I wanted to let him know I won’t tolerate that type of conversation, but I want to have a conversation today. I am just not sure how exactly to handle it and I’m looking for some advice. 

Any and all perspectives welcome. Thank you for reading &lt;3