TLDR: escalating social anxiety has made me a hermit. 

Hello everyone. I can't remember a time in my life that I felt relaxed or wasn't filled with near constant anxiety. It became a way of life. My social anxiety seems to be the main issue and this past year has done a number on me. I used to have an active social life...but I rarely went anywhere where alcohol wasn't being served. I only felt comfortable around others if I was able to drink. I quit 10 years ago after I became pregnant with my youngest son. For several years my husband isolated me from almost everyone until 2 years ago when I had had enough and went off the rails and forced him to change his ways by having one foot out the door. I had started meeting with friends and family more consistently and while it was frowned upon to hang out with friends regularly, I was happy with our monthly "church" dinners once per month...then covid happened. My anxiety has always caused me to overreact and stress over all things that I cannot control, ie: weather, civil unrest, war, disease, death of loved ones...and it seems like someone has been testing me this past year. I'm the crazy one in the family who starts sending group texts to my loved ones when things happen. When the bird flu was here years ago, I researched everything on it and created safety manuals for my friends and family so they could protect themselves. I'm very extra but it helps me feel like I have some control over what's happening around me. I became aware of covid in November/December of 2019, months before anyone I knew had even heard of it. I immediately began researching and prepping for it. I created a private fb page for a select  group of friends and family and updated it with tips and news on it and was just a pain in the ass about it. I knew I was annoying everyone but I was terrified that they weren't preparing and if/when the shit hit the fan they would turn to me to help them. I was prepping for my immediate family, that's it, so I needed them to pay attention because I wasn't going to take from my kids to help people who thought it was a joke. I'm sorry I'm rambling. Along with prepping, I began isolating in February 2020 and complete lockdown when schools closed in March 2020. I was terrified of my husband and myself getting it and if something happened we don't have anyone to leave my son with where he wouldn't feel like a burden and the thought gutted me and sent me over the edge. I snapped one day from the stress and haven't felt much since. I can count on my fingers, toes, and teeth how many times I've left my home since February of last year. Covid gave me a reason to never have to leave the house and I took it to the next level. My irrational fear and behavior has lessened dramatically but the social anxiety is so bad I can barely function. I have cancelled every appointment I've made, I homeschool my son and because of my issues he hasn't seen another child in over a year. I joined a group for homeschool moms who believe in masking the children when they play together during meet ups but I cannot get out the door. I spends thousands per month on grocery delivery, I have trouble answering my phone or texts, even from my own mother. We had our first really warm summer day this week and I got dressed and ready to take my son outside somewhere, anywhere, and I couldn't leave. My house is the main house on the main strip in our neighborhood and we have a large front yard but no back yard. This means that I have to stand in my front yard when I take my dogs out and it stresses me out. Full disclosure, my husbands ex wife (NOT on good terms) moved into our neighborhood last year. It's one way in and one way out so she and her family ride past my house all day long and I don't want them to see me. It's irrational but I can't shake it. The weekends stress me out because my husband will start his, "I want to get you guys out of the house..." and I feel forced to go then get mad because he expects me to navigate the outing without a single plan in place. I don't want to be out in the first place and now you're putting me in charge of entertaining everyone? During a pandemic? Anything our son would enjoy is overflowing with parents trying to entertain their kids and I'm not here for it and I ruin the day. I don't know how to pull myself out of this and I'm worried sick about how my son is being affected by my actions. I see myself in him and it scares me. My dr prescribed wellbutrin and I take adderall for my ADD. I have an rx for xanax for when it becomes too much. My health insurance doesn't cover mental health, not that I could get an appoinment anytime soon anyway. Please help me. What can I do to stop this before it gets worse?? I feel it getting worse and I'm scared.