Hi,

I'm about to start a semester about college next week and I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown. Not because I feel I can't manage the schoolwork, and not because I think I'll get bad grades or fail. I'm terrified that I'll go into my usual obsessive spiral and that the work will take over my brain.

Just a bit of background: I'm the kind of person who will spend 2 hours on a ten-minute assignment just because I have the time. During the average semester, I can barely sleep at night because thoughts about school and schoolwork won't leave me alone. I don't theoretically mind getting a B or even a C on an assignment, as long as I pass the course, but my brain never lets me feel that I've done enough. I also have this constant fear that I may have accidentally plagiarized my work. I end up combing over lengthy assignments checking them for plagiarism by referencing them against my original sources, which takes a while, as you can imagine. 

As the new semester gets closer, I feel this pressure to get started on the assignments I already have access to, since some professors post the work early. I know that the voice telling me I need to get a head start is going to take over my brain if I give in. I'm trying to wait until the start of the semester to begin the work so that I don't get stuck in a loop. Even though I can clearly recognize the difference between reality and this obsessive thing in my brain, it's hard to resist the urge to drown myself in unnecessary work. Every time I feel bored or upset, this thing in my brain tells me that it's because I'm not working hard enough. I do this at my job too, working a significant amount extra hours (without pay) just because I always feel like I haven't done enough. I just wish this voice in my head would stop! Sometimes I just want someone to hit me over the head with a bat so that I won't have this anxiety anymore.