TW; suic*de I want to let it go. I really do. But i feel like im dying and i don't deserve to be saved. I am begging for reassurance. That's all. Please. Here is the post. Im postinf it for the last time:  TW:CSA, OCD, MENTAL ILLNESS. 22F. So last year i had a big depressive, obsessive, borderline suicid@l phase. I have OCD and ADHD and am finally on meds. I was having these guilt over my sexual thoughts and actions and so I used to write about them in great detail on reddit, talk to people etc. Now one day i saw this tweet about masturbation with handspray and i had alot of intrusive thoughts about that and i needed reassuring so i texted the girl who tweeted it asking about it like is it hygienic if many people use the spray. She never replied. Months later i was freaking out because she was 17! A minor!!! 
Secondly, when i was depressed last year, i started talking to lots of people online for reassurance. And then i was once on discord with OCD people and idk why i ended up talking to this 15-16 yo kid. Now mostly i remember this kid askong me for reassurance alot and i remember telling them they're fine but now idk if i told them my sexual intrusive thoughts or described them to them or not for reassurance. Like I did this with adults because i was scared, like my parents, therapist etc but i cant remember if i spoke to that 15-16 year old too or not. I can't remember. But if i did, then does that make me a predator? A user on reddit said it makes me a predator and i should go to psych hospital cus i sound psychotic.