I’ve been struggling/working on mental health issues for over 10 years now. I’ve never been able to “breakthrough” or turn the corner per se, but I have had enough experience managing myself to keep things in somewhat of a grey neutral zone. 

However, I’m increasingly concerned that the years of anxiety and depression have warped me, where on some level I’m carrying some sense of anger or fear or sadness at all times. Even when it’s not there it’s there, and it’s completely shaped my world view. I feel like it really robs me of a lot of potential growth, life experience, and self discovery. 

The tough part is, I feel like when I try to open the doors to those thoughts or not be so rigid and systematic about my thinking, it completely throws me off where I lose whatever functionality I’ve learned through trial and error. 

It sucks because it feels like a paradox where I can never open up to the full spectrum of emotion without letting in the pieces that inevitably tear me apart, but in contrast I can never naturally let in thoughts/emotion/identity that would give me a more stable foundation that I can work with to build a more unified self. 

Has anyone else experienced something similar, or even managed to overcome something similar?