**In short:** 

My life went to hell during the pandemic and I lost my job, partner, house, savings, and had to move back in with my family.

I actually didnt get depressed right away - I got a job and saved 4k - and then the depression hit and I just stayed in bed for a month and dreamed of ending it all.

Recently I made mental health gains and am a little more functional but still not well enough to hold down a job or socialise well.

Also, every plan I make to move back abroad and start up a new life keeps falling though. Its this weird stretch of bad luck that isnt changing.

**My Plan:** 

Squeeze more out of life. I know there is beauty in this world sometimes. 

I also want to do more good things - help a farm, an orphanage, cook food for the vulnerable.

So the plan is to go to south america and volunteer and give back. Maybe teach English a little. Perhaps work for good causes in exchange for labour.

After 6 months of giving back the plan is to jump off a nice tall building or mountain.

Thats it. And it wont be selfish as I gave back to the world for 6 months before exiting.