I’m going through some life changes, as I think we all are.  Maybe this isn’t the place to just “put it all on the line.”  But I feel like just writing it out, just hitting submit (even if this gets deleted; I’m not a frequent contributor to this subreddit), might help.

I’m starting a new job on Monday and I’m scared.  I’m scared that I’ve oversold my capabilities.  I’m scared that I’m going to mess up.

I took on a lot of work during the pandemic that I haven’t finished, and now I have to do it with my new job.  I didn’t do all of that work because I’ve been distracted and anxious and depressed and sometimes just messed around on the internet for hours and hours.

My new job is in a different state.  My spouse doesn’t want to move there.  My family doesn’t want us to move there.

My Dad is very business man, and is constantly bothering me about how I fill out my tax forms.  I’m convinced his only interest to get me to talk to my manager about working remotely forever because he doesn’t want me to move.

I haven’t seen my Mom in a year.  She’s all alone, and texts constantly about when we will see each other and already making plans about a trip that I don’t even feel I’m ready to take.  I can’t take on her loneliness with my own anxiety.

I’ve been with my wife in a studio apartment 24/7 for the last 13 months.  I have not had more than 1 hour away.  I need time to myself.  I don’t think she gets it.  She has her own stuff to deal with.

I just want to take a deep breath, but my heart is constantly racing.  Ears ringing.  So overwhelmed.