this is my first post on this subreddit so excuse me if i used the wrong flair, just wanted to be careful! i'm looking for any advice or input or even a tiiiiny resemblance to an answer because man, i can't find anything at all. i experience a variety of symptoms, as does everyone with BPD, and i can put plausible answers to what causes how i feel/act most of the time, but there's one thing that has been happening a lot more recently and like i said, it's very frustrating and every time i try to look for answers, it's not what i think i'm going through. 

it's slightly hard to explain, i'm scrambling for words right now, i say as i add more filler.

essentially what happens is that when i'm feeling upset, angry, uncomfortable, etc. i end up hitting myself or twitching. the key factor that i don't understand is that it's never on purpose. i feel like it's automatic and out of control, and whenever it's over i get even more upset because it's like my limbs just move on their own. i'll punch my head, kick something, hit an object/wall, but mostly my head/myself. i also will have a twitch where my shoulder goes up and my head jerks down to the left and again, not anything i'm consciously doing. it's like my body convulses at times.

it happens especially when i'm uncomfortable with something. i've realized recently that i'm very sensitive to textures, temperature, and just anything that has to do with something else touching my body. one that's been really upsetting is feeling like my glasses aren't sitting right. whenever i'm at the point of the hitting, i also tend to lash out with anger outbursts and it just feels so out of control. 

so basically the point of this post was to try and find any reason for why it happens. i'm not doing it on purpose to hurt or punish myself, it just HAPPENS and i feel so lost. i've tried finding answers in other people's experiences but the only things that come up are articles on self-harm and self-punishment SOLELY on purpose. maybe someone else has experienced this? or knows skills to help prevent this? thank you for reading.