For context- I generally always try to be a good person and a good friend and I know in my logical mind I am but in my BPD mind I feel like I’m not. 

One of my closest friends is single and a virgin and has been for a while, that’s sort of become one of his “things”. I see him as a little brother (we live together too) and once said to him that I can’t imagine him in a relationship. This was not meant as an insult, I just genuinely can’t imagine it because it’s like a family member being in a relationship. 

Anyway, tonight we all drank and he brought it up and basically said in front of everyone that it’s a “shitty” thing to say. I didn’t realise this offended him so much, and don’t get me wrong I’m so, so sorry that it did. I would never mean to hurt him. But to my drunk and insecure mind, the word “shitty” just hit so hard. I knew I was triggered so I went to bed. 

Now I’m sat here just crying because I wish I was a better person. I feel like relationships are so hard. I want to hurt myself or give up because it’s just too much. Navigating friendships and life is just too much.