So I brought it up with my psychiatrist today and here we are.

Part of it scares me a lot because if I thought nobody would ever love me romantically for bipolar, well... But I'm a human and humans love so I guess I'll be ok. It does scare me a lot to think that telling someone in my life means they'll stop taking me as seriously and will start treating me like I'm a nut case. I guess those people don't matter anyways if they lack that much critical thinking. 

I talked with my friend who revealed to me that she also has borderline. It makes sense now why we are so similar in thoughts and behavior. I don't feel so cr*zy anymore, somehow. Like a weight has been lifted. Like finally I'm not just someone with bipolar 2 who's especially worse off. I guess it makes a lot more sense now. I am who I am! That's ok! People still love me and want me around even if sometimes I think they don't. 

I did suddenly fear that like, oh my god, maybe I'm a terrible person and I don't even know it. But I try and I stick to my morals very strongly. 

Anyways yeah. Big change. I feel like the clouds have finally parted and that my life isn't just one big rat race to find the right medication.