I genuinely felt like I was finally dying. I couldn't breathe and kept putting more pressure on my throat. but 2 minutes had passed and I still wasn't dead. I ran out of energy and willpower after that.


I'm just sick of this. just when I thought life was getting better, maybe I can be happy for once, smile, maybe even laugh. no, everything just comes crumbling down immediately. 



my grades are getting worse, my only friends are getting more and more distant, and my girlfriend for two years is slowly starting to grow distant.


and no matter how hard I try, I can't save any of it. it's like a test, but no matter how hard you try, you will always get the answers wrong. it's destroying any willpower I have to keep going on with life. 

I use wish I could redeem all of it. I don't want to lose my friends. i feel my brain slipping too. I'm completely disconnected from the world for long periods of time, and even after it, my brain is unable to focus on anything, and I slip away again.