I really just need someone to tell me that everything is going to be okay. I’m losing my relationship because of my BPD. We’ve had so many struggles recently and I felt like my husband didn’t want me, so I stopped wanting him and caring. I went numb. Something just snapped yesterday and I couldn’t deal with him anymore. I split on him and couldn’t find any good feelings for him at all. Like usually I know when I’m going to experience splitting; for some reason my moods tend to cycle through a pattern. And every so many weeks I just “lose my shit”, stop caring, everything he does is bad and I just know he hates me- and we fight, then I just want him to leave. I want nothing to do with him at all. I just want him gone and him refusing to leave makes everything worse, then I just want to disappear. 
He says horrible things when he’s angry and just hurts me emotionally beyond a breaking point. We both have so many problems individually and this relationship needs to end. It’s not healthy. I love him so much; and that part of me is starting to find it’s way back right now. The part that just wants him to show he wants me and loves me and we can kiss, make up, and everything is better. But I’m too tired to keep doing this. I’m beyond the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life and I just want everything to be over. I’m losing my mind and I just want to disappear. 
I’m trying to think of reasons to still be on this flying rock. Reasons I should keep trying but life keeps repeating itself and I end up in the same situations and I just can’t do it anymore. I don’t have the energy or strength. 

I’m sorry for all of the venting. I just don’t have anyone to talk to. 