Guys I seriously hate my marriage. I was gonna say I hate my life, but it was just fine before I decided to get in a relationship and married. I’m a 19yo female and my husband is 20. I’m starting to think i got married too young or … IDK. Idk anything anymore. I’m just so lost. I don’t even like doing hobbies I used to love like dancing. I’ve never once thought about or attempted harming myself til i met my husband. My arm looks disgusting from marks and scars i put on myself. I feel disgusting and unworthy of ANY love. Idk what to do with myself or my life. “Therapy” they say … but it’s takes a month or two to even get an appointment, but what if i need someone NOW!? I just don’t know what ima do and I have no one to talk to. Not my husband, family or friends because they’re all starting to make me very uncomfortable talking to them about my personal problems. What can I do now? not later. And I am not calling suicide hotline and here’s why:

I actually attempted suicide once, obviously failed lol (laughing off the pain), and called the suicide hotline. A policewoman picked me up and took me to the hospital. She stood there while I talking to the doctors and therapist. They asked about substance abuse so I told them I smoked weed and drink alcohol sometimes but I vape daily. The policewoman tells me later how illegal it all is and that “I could go to jail if I wasn’t suicidal”. IS THAT SUPPOSE TO HELP ME RN WOMAN!!? like wtf then I heard them mentioning a mental institution for 6 MONTHS. I instantly wanted out. It’s like if I’m honest i’ll get in trouble and sent away so obviously I lied and said I was completely fine and wanna go home. I’m not fine though 🤦🏾‍♀️ ugh. I’m also not crazy… but I can get really unhappy. 

ps: I struggle with Anxiety, OCD, and Depression. I used to be on medication when I was 16, but I stopped bc I felted too sedated. I had a lot of responsibilities back then like caring for my sick mom, working to help pay bills and rent and trying to keep up with good grades in school so I wasn’t allowed to feel like a zombie. I had sh*t to handle.