For context, my wife and I have been married for 2 years and together for 5. I love her very much but I need advice.

She had a traumatic experience with doctors and her mental health, and hasn’t trusted medication since. She smokes weed occasionally, but had a panic attack from a sativa strain a couple of weeks ago and hasn’t really touched it since (understandably!). 

Her manic episodes have become so, so unhealthy. She doesn’t eat anymore unless I’m watching her. She spends roughly 1-2k every month on things like “name a star after you” and mini brands. Last month she bought a brand new clarinet. She has never played clarinet.

I want to be there for her so badly but it’s getting to the point where I just can’t afford to anymore. When I bring any of this up, she makes excuses like “I got ____ on payments though, I’m getting less reckless” or “you knew what you were marrying”.

When she’s out of these manic episodes, she beats herself up so much over causing me stress and is very apologetic. We’ve been to couple’s therapy at her suggestion, but our therapist always tells me that I need to be more understanding. 

I’m trying, I promise. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve brought up medicine once, and it gave her one of the worst panic attacks I’ve ever seen.

I know she’s not manipulating me or anything like that (that’s what my sister says she’s doing), but for the past year I’ve been beyond my breaking point emotionally and financially.

We’re tens of thousands of dollars in debt spread out over so many credit cards. I’m desperate to stay married to the love of my life but I’m also desperate to stop living this way.