My fp and I have been going on this (toxic sadly now) roller coaster from being friends with benifits to now confessing we have caught feelings for one another then to saying we love one another and so sentimental and sexual things… but now he’s saying it’s not about us (because he’s started to ignore me and be cold/blunt/douchebag) it’s about the timing not being right..?? 

We’re supposed to meet up in a few hours (he finally made the time for me after begging and splitting multiple times for even a phone call to reassure me he loves me or anything and all I get is a text at 2 am at most saying sorry etc no can do) and discuss what’s going to happen… and all I can see in my head is that stupid text of “it’s nothing bad, it’s the timing that’s just not good. It’s that simple” 

I feel so bitterly empty and angry whenever I see this text because I can’t tell if he still feels for us or he’s putting up a front. He’s ignored me for a week before because our guy friends told him to stop for a while so he doesn’t “snap” on me (we had a physical fight on my birthday because he kept digging into my trust issues/jealously wound about meeting up with a hookup that night instead of spending it with me after our intense bond?) and then he confessed in a late night phone call its been hard on him to ignore me and in fact it made him fall even harder for me (hence the I love yous and romantic stuff now) 

I honestly just… I feel like my logical side is accepting that reality of: this is it today… that sparks of fun for only a few week are coming to an end… while the emotional side of me is crying and praying for a miracle because I can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t stop daydreaming about us…I stupidly realized one day while drunk he is my fp and I’m in the obsession stage. I don’t want to sound cruel and devaluize him but what else can I do if I work, hang out in a group, see his smile and force myself to not kiss or hold his hand anymore..?

I just honestly need any words of wisdom or support because shaking and throwing up have been killing me today haha