Been feeling depressed for almost 2 years now and it just won't go away. I don't know if it's just an episode I have from time to time, but at I'm just at a loss here. For years I thought that my problems like being unsocial, unmotivated, tired and feeling guilty originated from my parents divorce when I was around 11 years old. I even talked to a psychiatrist about it 7 years later, but that eventually led to me forcing myself to believe that everything was fine and that I would fix it by talking it out.  Problem is... Nothing has actually changed since then. Nothing has helped so far and my thoughts have only been getting darker the more this drags on and I don't fucking know what's making me feel this way.

There even have been numerous times where I have written/attempted to write a suicide note and trying cut or stab myself to bleed to death. However I'm just to scared to do it no matter how much I want to end this unhappiness.

Asking for help for things have always been problematic for me, especially if it's about my mental health. I have had some talks with my parents and friends but I believe that they do not fully understand how deep this goes on my head. This life of mine feels like shit and I want to either learn to live through it. Or remove myself from it. So this ultimately leads to two sides of me pulling on me and I'm just getting so goddamn tired of it.

Please. I just really need some help with whatever this is.