When I'm out with other people or just in public by myself, I'm always very aware that anything I do could be filmed/photographed and put on the Internet. And I would have no way of stopping it from happening. This means I'm always operating with the idea that I can't ever do anything I wouldn't be comfortable with everyone I know/will ever know seeing. I always share as little information as possible about what I'm doing because I don't want people looking it up online and finding me in photos/videos, even though I'm not doing anything wrong. I always feel like I need to hide things. It's really making life less enjoyable. I even avoid things like parties because I know some people would judge me if they knew I was there. 

My discomfort also extends to my own posts on social media. I have a different personality around virtually everyone, so how am I supposed to act on social media when all of those people are in the same place? I'm constantly worried that what I'm posting will be out of character to some people, and they'll hate me. So I end up not posting anything most days. Or I'll set up anon accounts for strangers to follow. 

I hate constantly feeling like I'm being watched and judged. And I hate that social media has become such an integral part of life in 2019. It means I have no escape from my anxieties unless I'm anonymous. But even then I'm worried people I know will find my accounts and hate me. I don't think I post anything bad. I just don't want people to know anything about me. 

Idk if this is BPD paranoia or me paranoia, but... yeah. Thanks for reading this far, lol. Can anyone relate?