No matter how hard i try to cut off from some pretty toxic, mean people, it's always me, who think that they will want to talk to me at some point. And i always end up forgiving and forgetting everything awful that they've done to me... I don't know, if i'm just depressed, desperate, lonely or all of that. In my head, i think that i should always try to understand and forgive everything, because i will need them more, than they need me. Or that all those things weren't "that bad", so it's better to get hurt again and shake it off in some time, than to risking being left completly alone (even tho it would've been better for me, for sure). Maybe i'm just trying to make it seem, like i am a strong MF, who don't give a shit, and one day, it's going to pay off somehow, but i don't know. Same with some members of my familly. Even tho i may hate some of them, subconsciously i'm always trying to fit in and it's so hard to cut off, even tho i'm already on my own. I always hope, that one day bad people gonna realize, that they were wrong all this time, and i will prove them all wrong (even tho, they probably won't) and they will apologise to me (i know it's delusional and selfish to think that way) What do i do? How to be happy with only myself, and stop depending on other people's attention? Sorry for my english.