Why am I the way that I am? I'm driving myself insane. I want to break up with my boyfriend but I can't do it. 

I'll think I'm ready to do it but then I'll think it's stupid to leave him because no one will ever love me again and the world will be opening back up soon and I need to have someone to do stuff with. So I don't. 

I'll think I'm ready to do it because my friends are extra chatty for a few days in a row and it makes me feel like I won't be alone if I break up with him and just as I'm about to do it, my friends stop replying for a few days. So I think why break up with him and leave myself alone? And I don't do it. 

Sometimes all of that goes right and I start to give my breakup speech and he.... agrees with me that we should break up. Suddenly I am upset and offended that he wants to break up with me too and start fighting to win him back. So we decide not to break up. 

I'm so miserable but also so terrified of being alone and yes 100% being alone is more miserable than being in this relationship. I'm going to be stuck here forever.