i got approved for medical insurance (i’ve been applying for 2 years) and now i can finally find a doctor to help but now i feel like i’m going to miss the voices because i’ll feel even more alone. 

is it weird that i feel this way? 

i feel more confused than anything.

they don’t always say mean things only when i’m stressed or overwhelmed or around people. but when i’m alone it’s almost like a conversation. i even sometimes take their advice on things because they seem right at the time. (they aren’t most of the time, like over spending or buying a car i can’t afford)

now i MUST say they never EVER tell me to hurt myself or anyone else. most of the bad thoughts are about myself.. they say things like you’re a bad person or you’re terrible.. mostly reminding me of the bad things i’ve done in my past .. but when i’m okay and calm they are nice and they even talk nice to me. 

so i’m asking does anyone else feel this way or have they felt this way? 

i know i have a journey ahead of me because i know finding a doctor is a process and i might have to go through several doctors till i find someone i’m comfortable with. 

the big take away is that i’m going to get help. i have been praying for this for so long. 

so if you are in a similar situation with insurance just please be patient and keep trying it will come. 

sending all the love and i hope everyone has a great day! 💚