I spent the day with my FP (my boyfriend of three years) today. Not unusual in and of itself. Did very familiar things. Lazed around in bed until midday. Dragged him out to the seaside for fish and chips. Took him to a meeting at the place he volunteers at. He got some lovely news about them wanting him to join the trust and it's made him so happy and feel very valued. It will mean he's going to spend a bit more time volunteering and usually this would set me off. It's selfish of me but I have struggled with his time at this place and my clinginess and intrusive thoughts. Not today. Today I was at the seaside, paddling barefoot with my love who was beaming from ear to ear and I felt nothing but happiness for him.

We went to a local pub for a pint and I noticed some fairy lights on a building opposite. So I asked a silly question: if you were fairy lights, what would you look like? He said "what do you think I'd be?" I said the normal white lights, no shapes, and your blink pattern would be the continuously on setting. Because you're not complicated and always reliable and the basic fairy lights always bring joy and happiness with their sparkling simplicity. He liked that. Because he is that, and he is proud of his loyal, reliable, strong demeanour. He should be, he's lovely.

So I asked him what fairy lights I would be and without missing a beat he said "you're the multicoloured ones with an interesting shape and you would be on the slow glow setting, but the also you'd have a wire you need to juggle a bit to make it connect so sometimes you work perfectly and sometimes you flicker a bit or struggle to make the connection but you're still fairy lights and you're still beautiful and you never stop trying to jiggle the wire until you're better again and I'm proud of you."

And it was soppy as hell but yes. I am the fairy light with the slightly broken wire that needs jiggling a bit but I'm still a human being and I can still glow so bright and I'm not broken: I'm a different set of lights to you. 

Sorry if that doesn't make sense to anyone. 