when i was 13, i was clinically depressed. i experienced extreme bullying from before i could remember until the age of 13. there were days where i’d stay in bed all day with the curtains closed and the lights off, being anti-social and rejecting any form of a distraction or change of scene. i was miserable. and i started seeing a counsellor and eventually started to feel better, everyday was unpredictable, some days were good and some were bad and that felt better.

i turned 17 a few weeks ago and honestly, for the last two and a half months i’ve been feeling off again. i’m going through periods where i’m feeling down all week and then some where i’m feeling okay with some happy points in the week. i’m finding myself spending a lot more time in bed than i’m comfortable with, and it’s exhausting trying to force myself to make something out of a day unless i’m going to school. 

my family life has never been perfect, my mum has had psychosis since i was 5 and my dad is sometimes emotionally oblivious, and sometimes too blunt. i’m the oldest sibling living at home. my younger sister is fiery and blunt and sometimes very inconsiderate and insensitive and i’m the emotionally sensitive one with all the unavoidable problems and everybody knows my business (despite me doing my best to keep to myself).

one thing i’ve noticed over the years is that i have high points and low points (mood-wise) but the highs are high, and the lows are really low. am i spiralling back to depression?