I’ve been with my partner for about three and a half years now. We have a family. I’ve considered them my “soulmate” at times, not sure that’s a real thing anymore really. Anyways. I have BPD. They have quiet BPD, we have recently discovered. I’ve put them through a lot.  My volatile emotions, splitting, devaluing them, cheating, etc. It’s a lot. Out of the blue about a week or two ago, I started harassing them about their past relationships. Retroactive jealously. Like OCD, really bad obsessing and word vomit and I can’t get over it. I’ve read about it. I’ve talked to them about it a million times. I try to distract myself, I try to focus on the present and the future and not be selfish by letting my own emotions control my life. But I’ve failed every time. They said things in the past regarding their old relationships that they don’t remember doing or saying now. They think I’m remembering incorrectly. I’m not. I acknowledge that it’s petty and immature to even care about it to begin with, but it’s consumed me and our relationship. I feel disgusted by them. I feel like our love has been invalidated. I can’t see myself going forward in the relationship, regardless of how stupid my feelings are and how much they’ve put up with from me. Granted, them leaving means they will be with other people and I’ll just obsess over that then. They deserve better than me anyways. I feel so, so very stuck and hopeless. And just totally miserable. I cant function. I can’t be happy.