I've been pushing people I love and who love me  away for years. Recently I've been doing it with my current girlfriend, whom I live with ( but in my own room because she's in another room with her husband... long story). She's been asking me to get into therapy for awhile... not just because it would benefit me but also because she can't bear the emotional load of trying to always bring me back from BPDland. I hadn't spoken or typed a word to her in almond a week, and she alternated between trying to give me space and letting me know that she loved me and missed me and would be there when I was able to talk to her again. Yesterday morning we had a very emotional talk while we were both at our respective jobs. I was finally able to get back to my old self after realizing that I was on the verge of losing her for good. I got something to eat, went home, talked to her a bit more... then made the call. They called me back and I have an extended screening call set for Monday after work. After making that initial call I broke down and cried for the first time in awhile. I knew that I was on my way to a better life. She came in my room later and we had a really good talk, and I get to spend some time with her this weekend. 

I'm feeling really positive about the future for the first time.