I m so tired and lonely. I can t do this anymore. I was already depressed last year, and the coronavirus and my retarded parents (which only allowed me to go out with my friends 3 times in 6 months, even when there weren t lockdowns, just because they thought they were going to die from corona even though the chances of that happening were slim to none) eventually made me lose all my middle school friends with which i was super close with because of a nasty argument. I apologized to them multiple times but we slowly lost contact. At the same time i started highschool, didn t make any friends because of online school (the others did and went out outside of school but ofc i wasn t allowed to) and when we eventually got to see each other in class, i kept trying to befriend them, but it didn t really work. I thought it was because we only saw each other for a month or so. The whole summer i was all alone, only distracted myself from it by doing boxing. Then school started again. Same shit, tried to find myself some friends. Nothing. I never go out, i talk to one person outside of school, nobody wished me happy birthday, merry christmas or a happy new year. With one of my old friends i still kept in touch for a while, then i stopped texting him for 2 months and it was like he completely forgot abt me. When we met again he promised he ll do better, than again completely forgot about me. At the end of October i was at an all time low. I was thinking about killing myself every day all day. I had a fuckjng voice in my head that kept going and going "kill yourself kill yourself kill yourself". I almost jumped in front of a car. I told that friend again, how lonely i ve been, abt how i almost attempted suicide (ik, pretty lame considering there s ppl out there that actually have). He again promised he ll do better and he ll get me back into the old friend group and all that. For one week everything went fine, i was basically visiting his class every break. Then 3 weeks literally chock full of tests and midterms came and i couldn t go see him at all. And he didn t do shit. He didn t come see me, or even fucking text me or anything. 3 weeks turned into 5 and now it s been 2 months since we ve last spoke. So again he shit on my head. Recently my classmates made a group chat, and bascially everybody was there except the class snitches. Everybody except me. They forgot i guess. Everybody keeps forgetting about me. Fuck I believe in God but i feel like he forgot about me as well. I keep saying "oh maybe college will be better, maybe you won t be so lonely anymore". Will it? Ik these sound like first world problems, but in the span of a year i went from a social butterfly (which is my normal state) to a fucking recluse that s so lonely he s going insane. My parents think i m upset because lately i ve been doing worse at maths and that s what s demoralizing me. I told them it s not that, and they kept asking what is it (although i know exactly how they ll react if i told them the truth, for context my dad thinks depression isn t real and it s just something invented by "the snowflakes of this generation"). Plus, how do i even tell them they re the main reason my last 2 years have been the worst of my life? I don t even know why i m posting this, it s long, probably misses context, prolly incoherent as fuck and most likely nobody will bother reading it, but i just need to tell this to someone.