I'm pretty sure I just blew it with the man I love the most. I've been extremely clingy towards him because I found out my mom has a lump in her breast that might be cancerous, and I was looking to him for love and support...but I did a really bad thing. I kept telling him how I wish he was with me, and he yelled at me and I haven't heard from him since. It's only been since last night, and he usually says I love you and good night. He didn't do that. I still haven't heard from him.

I want to take back everything I said and I want everything to go back to normal with us where we were there for each other like a boyfriend and girlfriend should be but we weren't there yet. I think it's because I have this disorder. I panic and it pushes him away even though I try so hard to keep him close to me. I don't want to be with anyone else but him. The thought of him with anyone else makes me physically sick. 

I don't want to lose my mom. I'm very close with both of my parents and the thought of being without them scares me to death. I have no idea what I would do if something were to happen to either of them.

I can't handle the fear of abandonment. I can't stand this constant feeling of never being good enough. I'm sick of being punished for telling people how I'm actually feeling. 

How do I get him back? How do I get him to understand me? How do I tell him how sorry I am for upsetting him? How do I tell my mom that I'm scared for her? I thought about checking myself into the hospital again...but I really don't want to go back because it was traumatic the first time when I was there last summer. I was diagnosed with this disease while I was there. I feel very alone. I tried texting the crisis line and the person I talked to did absolutely nothing. Does anyone have any advice?