I am f [16] and have struggled with my mental health from around the age of 11, I won’t go into it too much but my whole life has been an uphill battle of abuse that has worn me down completely. I am currently safe, living with another relative and have all that behind me but the issues my childhood has left me with never seem to go away. 

To put it short I am not attractive, not in the sense that I am an insecure teenage girl, but everything about me is mediocre. My body is average, and my face is extremely asymmetrical and holds a lot of stubborn fat, add to that a pair of very small proportioned eyes, lopsided lips and a genetic double chin and it’s safe to say I am bluntly ugly.  

I have self harmed for a few years now, and I’ve never been able to keep friends or have anyone close to me in life, I’ve attempted suicide 7 times, 5 of which have landed me in the hospital and I’m waiting on a EUPD diagnosis. I dont know how to deal with what i’m feeling, I’ve tried therapy and various pursuits to fix the issues in my life such as drug use and working out but I find that at the end of the day I still feel positively hideous and cant control the ups and downs but especially the depressive episodes I experience.

I struggle with a small case of kylptomania and it’s nearly landed me in trouble with the law, I’m obsessed with my appearance and very often I find myself idolising the thought of death.

I’m not really sure why i’m posting this, I suppose as a vent and also for advice, I feel overwhelmingly awful to the point I can’t leave my house and I just want to reach out to people who can either relate or offer me some advice on how to change my emotional state.