Will probably delete this when I sober up tbh but for now let me get this off my chest because I refuse to send this to him and I’ll explain why… 

I feel like my love is annoying. Like my love for him is just doing too much to the point it’s embarrassing because maybe I love to much so for him it’s like oh this is a bit of a stretch BUT then I get caught up on the thought that maybe I just love him more than he does me and I get sad by that. 

Like it’ll be texting him I miss him and he says he misses me too but I know that’s not the case. I really do genuinely miss him and think about him so much but for him he’s literally just saying it back. The same with I love you even though he was the one to say it first in the relationship but it seems it’s me saying it more and he’s just responding. 

It feels like it’s just a responsive love sometimes where he just mirrors me and what I may like to hear but I’m past the stage of wanting to just hear things that make me feel better I would rather much just have the truth. 

But this is something I can’t say to him out of all the million things I’ve already said that are more humiliating and scraping away at the shell I put up sometimes. I don’t want to annoy him and bother him but I want change in love and I’m scared that saying that might just push him away. 

It first started as a question but this will probably go into the rant section because I’m just drunkenly ramble and again I will probably delete once I find shame behind this anonymous account tbh. 

But… Ahhhhhh.