Hi everyone my girlfriend i think has BPD and she just left and i don’t really understand why but i was hoping some of you could help me understand what shes going through and if i might be able to save our relationship it would really mean the world to me 

So before i tell this (kind of embarrassing) story heres a couple things about us 


So I’m not the most mentally stable person not in the sense of anger but i really take stuff to heart and I’m really insecure and a very jealous person and before i dated her she was really confident, nice and social but over the last year (we dated for 11 months) shes become more insecure, isolates herself and has a a-lot of depressive/suicidal thoughts at night and she took all of her pain and frustration out on me by saying the most horrible things and hurting me so many times but i remained calm and tried to guide her through those tough times (it lasted about 4 months its still there but not as bad as before)

This all sounds really negative now but apart from that i truly think shes the love of my life we have the most wonderful relationship ever we were friends first and we have been texting everyday for hours on end since 2017 and i really mean from morning to night and i never get tired of her and she never gets tired of me we do fight a-lot but we still never stop talking  and when we hang out it’s always fun and shes left me about 75 times now but this time its really different and i really don’t want to lose her shes the sweetest most beautiful girl I’ve ever met in my entire life

But here’s the story 

So in December we promised each other to stop watching porn (her idea) i agreed to that promise but she also said that whenever one of us gets the urge to do so we should tell each other and i never watched porn but a couple months in i had some urges that i didn’t act out on but i didn’t tell her because i was really scared to hurt her feelings and she had the feeling that i was secretly watching it a week ago and i told her that i didn’t watch and I came clear to her about the urges. She was extremely hurt and is leaving me now because she feels i cheated on her by having that urge and she thinks I’m disgusting and she deserves a better boyfriend who doesn’t cheat on her and she thinks i did her dirty and that i don’t love her even though i keep telling her i do and shes everything to me but she just hates me now all of her love is gone and she just looks at me as if I’m some disgusting cheating pig 

She blocked me on iMessage, Instagram, Snapchat and WhatsApp (she never did this before) so i cant reach her anymore and I’m just clueless on what to do now. Am i a cheater ? Is she overreacting or am i just a shitty person i genuinely don’t know and thought maybe some of you could help me understand her better and give me some advice anything would really be appreciated i really don’t wanna lose her :(