So I've been diagnosed with BPD only recently. I also have the diagnosis of bipolar disorder, since 2019 for this one. I've been struggling a lot lately &amp; it's definitely my BPD acting out. So I've been seeking a lot of attention from my FP &amp; they busted &amp; are basically calling me out. Yesterday I asked him "when are you gonna stop being mean to me for nothing?" &amp; he replied "when are you gonna stop being so attention-seeking?" &amp; he's right. 

I think when he sent me that message that's when the splitting happened. I've been having horrible intrusive thoughts about him like wishing something bad will happen to him &amp; stuff. I just wish he was there for me, more than he already is most of the time. I realise while writing this post that my expectations are too much but I can't help but feel disappointed. I didn't reply to said-last-message &amp; am giving him the silent treatment. It's like I'm testing our friendship, hoping he will text me to say he's sorry &amp; that he misses me... but I know he won't because unlike me he doesn't need anyone to be okay. He doesn't care about me &amp; it makes me so mad.

I feel abandoned as hell, I need some support...