Man I don’t know how much I can keep this up.. I mean it’s has been 5 years and I feel like happiness is as far as it was the first I decided not to kill myself. I’ve come a long way god knows I pushed myself and worked hard for some time but happiness still eludes me I don’t know what I can do anymore… I’m building myself a career and I’m working hard to improve myself for what? I can’t even tell if I would wanna live anymore I just hope that I muster the courage one day and decide once and for all that death ain’t nothing but a warm dark and peaceful place that I will join and I’m going to get there. I need the strength to do this