i find myself lacking clarity so often, so im sorry that i keep posting this same shit. it wont get out of my head.

. cw: dad shit, physical/emotional boundaries  
can someone pls tell me what they think i've experienced counts as, it is it abuse or am i totally overreacting and making mountains out of molehills.   
my father grew up experiencing abuse, physical and sexual. he's kinda just a weird dude. sweet, sensitive, but my mother divorced him because he was emotionally abusive when i was about 3. i used to go see him every other weekend. about 2 years ago i stopped because i was feeling really stunted and we fought a lot. lately i cant stop thinking about some small things. theyre small, but it lasted so long, i think, and was so pervasive that my entire view of boundaries feels totally fucked. im 18, f my dad had a game with me called the palate game, he'd stick his finger in my mouth and tickle the roof of my mouth. this was something he did with my mom as well when they were together, just as some sort of weird game, but it's till like kinda invasive, right? there was also a game called try to get out, he'd pin me down or hold me in various positions and i'd have to try to get out. he'd kiss my neck sometimes too even though i didnt really want him to, "neck kisses". i'm pretty sure i expressed my discomfort and he was pretty dismissive for at least a while, although it stopped at some point, but i was at least 9 or something and this stuff was still going on. we'd watch tv in bed and he'd wrap his legs around me, ostensibly to keep warm. he used the rectal thermometer on me till at least age 6 but i'm not sure when it stopped, iw as defintiely uncomfrotable but it only sttopped when my grandma said something. see im overanalyzing everything!!!my grandma says he treats me more like a wife than a daughter. he's explicitly told me bc of his past abuse he'd never do anything to hurt me, and i don't think that was his intention, but i still feel so dirty and used and i dont know what do do but i feel scared and mad and unsafe in my own head. do i stay in touch with him? should i be mad?