Ironically I don't know if I'm using that reference correctly since I've never seen the movie. I digress.

I can't tell if I'm experiencing psychosis or not. I was diagnosed with bp-1 a few months ago and have been taking Lamictal.

During the day I think I feel fine. My social anxiety is all but gone, _I talk a lot,_ and I say things that tbh I probably shouldn't, but I don't feel any regret or embarrassment immediately after. Or even for the rest of the day. Other people's discomfort and awkwardness doesn't affect me in the slightest. That _could_ be because I went off adderall, but at night I find this behavior very strange. Especially since I've never once had this problem, adderall or no.

Even worse, at night I can barely remember what I said or did just hours before during school. What I do remember feels like catching a mistake I made in an rpg. At night I feel like my brain is glitching, that nothing I did was actually real, and being home feels stepping into a completely different dimension.

I get these strange thoughts at night and even though I know it's silly, I find myself getting a tiny bit paranoid. I'm fighting my brain to go with the logical explanations instead of the weird ones and it's kind of exhausting.

And even though I'm so fucking tired and just want to close my eyes, I need to say this _right now_ because waking up in the morning is like hitting factory reset- as much as I don't remember or care about my day during the night, I don't remember or care about my night during the day.