I was watching some YouTube videos regarding BPD and one of the things they were talking about was the traits that resemble DID aka multiple personality or dissociative disorder.  I definitely see this - a dark personality that takes over when I am angry and stressed.  A personality that wants to destroy it all and enact revenge.  Anyone with a similar issue?  Secondly, it seems that there is a gender difference in diagnosis between BPD and Antisocial.  I don't really see the hard difference.  It seems much of the defined difference is a strong self interest for antisocial.  I think so much about the effect on others, I don't know if I even care about myself, but I also think about this in a way that I don't care about the deaths of individuals if it seems better for the greater whole.  Like, if I was in war and I could kill a few thousand people for the greater benefit of society I wouldn't hesitate.  I would also consider a suicide bombing for a greater cause.

I have a psychiatrist appointment in one week.  Trying to come in there prepared.  I also feel a lot of people are horrible, absolutely horrible people, but if someone has some of these type 2 traits, they feel that this person are inherently the problem in the situation.  I have a hard time working within that society.  If someone is hyper focused on the dynamic between them and their friend they are treated as a monster.  But people who ignore issues like sweatshop slavery are considered normal.

Long story short - trying to define myself both to get the best medical treatment, but also to understand people around me, who I often feel are total assholes.  But they may also feel me to be the asshole.