Although I suppose balance on your feet too... I'm clumsy as hell &amp; always bandaged up...

Anyway, I was racking my brain trying to think of where to ask this &amp; you lovely people were my first &amp; best thought. I've been reading on BPD for years now &amp; while I haven't been diagnosed, I relate &amp; have many of the symptoms. I also have family/friends who match BPD to a tee.

So anyway, my question is simple but comes from a shit-ton of inner turmoil &amp; chaos. I've been writing in a journal at least 5 days a week &amp; it hit me today: I don't want to be lazy or a fun-sucker but I also don't want to be *"too much"* in any way. The struggle for myself personally is this weird split within myself where I feel like I work hard (but nothing changes) &amp; thinking that if I totally quit drinking I'll be uninteresting- even though drinking just kills me anymore.

I'm 31(F) &amp; have no idea who I am without little crutches. If I have my camera, I'm a photographer. If I have my sketchbook, I'm an artist. In front of a computer? OH, I'm totally a programmer. Despite all these details I have carved out a basic identity of myself, but when I feel my heart get heavy with thoughts like this it makes me question myself.

So my question is simply: **how do you find better balance in your life?** Especially with the perceived versions of yourself? Does anyone else end up asking themselves "I work hard... right?" &amp; then feel like a lazy bum?