I joined this sub in a bad headspace. I was in the dark a long long time, dead inside. Struggled with ptsd and attempts with suicide.

I had a stilted nihilistic worldview that was simply impossible to disprove. I couldn’t allow myself to feel or try because what was the point, right? I spent many a night with death in my hand. Staring into its eye. Begging myself to end it. I never did. I called myself a coward. I felt worse because of it.

The only way I can put my recovery into words is that I simply allowed myself to live without a reason. Sure I’ll be forgotten. Sure the worlds on fire. That doesn’t mean I have to feel like a failure. How can a ball of cells and bones spinning a rock fail of nothing matters?

My life hasn’t changed much but my perspective has. I can shrug off most things that would have once sent me into a terrible breathless panic. I choose to feel calm in the storm and I can finally smile without guilt or hinderance.

I had to pull myself out of the pit, because I have yet to meet another living thing that can understand me. No advice nor therapy helped me. This sub didn’t. The world didn’t change but my mind did. My expectations of myself did. That’s all I could change.

I almost left this sub without saying goodbye, but I felt I deserved it. It will make me happy to post this for closure.

To all of you in the dark, you might be alone. You can love yourself. It’ll be hard at first, but you can be your own guiding light. After all, who else could ever help you?

Good luck