pretty pathetic to be posting this on reddit but i have no one else to talk to 

i dont even know where to start. i stopped taking my meds months ago, my grades are shit, even looking at them causes me massive anxiety, i hate my major,  i stopped talking to all my friends because they dont deserve a fuck up like me, i want to self harm all the time, im ugly, i lie all the time, im very very addicted to the internet, im spiraling so badly and i dont know what to do