i was driving to sam's club with my mom a couple days ago and we got stuck behind a target truck. they kept constantly slowing down and speeding up forcing me to drive 20 miles under the speed limit to avoid rearending them. when i reached the road i needed to turn on, they turned too and were on the lane to the left of me. they started drifting into my lane pretty bad and i had to speed up and pass them to not get hit.

of course, i had to do all of this because i was with my mom..idk what i would do if it was just me in the car though. there was no other vehicles close to us, it was just our car and the truck. if i had hung back and they hit me, it would just look like an accident right? it wouldn't look like a suicide, it's not like i was trying to drive into them on purpose.. good chance they were dui too so have it framed as a shitty drunk driver killing a poor innocent teen. i seriously doubt it would kill or seriously injure them to hit our car either. it's a big fuckin truck against a compact suv, not equals at all. it would've just been a stupid tragic accident. wouldn't look like my fault at all.

i know this is a horrible and selfish way to think. even if they were dui, i don't need to go get myself killed and fuck up their whole life. i would've fucked up my moms car and whoever handles dead bodies would have to pry what little was left of my mangled corpse out of it. i'd traumatize the few people who actually care about me and leave them with the knowledge of my shitty awful death. that road would probably be closed for a while and god help anyone who would happento drive up and see that shit. it would be sad, y'know? a tragedy. a horrible thing. i can't see it that way though when it comes to me. i can see how other people would see it, but i just can't for me. i feel like i deserve to die like that.