I've had a lot of invalidating sexual experiences in general and I had an abusive experience with a guy less than a year ago. I haven't been on a normal date with someone new in like 8 months. So I decided to reactivate my Bumble and see how it goes. I get a lot of matches and the guys are nice but I don't really understand how to talk to them and it's like we're on totally different wavelengths. They think I'm weird because I'm so private and maybe I seem paranoid that people always want sex from me? I have no idea how much "force" to apply or how forward to be, because there's no one right thing to say and every person is different. I was a sugar baby at one point, but prior to the first dates and even after them, there is a kind of protocol people follow that just doesn't exist in regular dating.
So with guys on Bumble, I keep coming off as either too forward, and controlling and they think I'm coming on to them, or too closed off. I also can't get up the motivation to even message most of them because I fear getting disappointed!! I went on one Bumble date since I reactivated it and I thought it went promisingly but after the date he asked me for more photos of me and was insinuating that he could send photos of himself 😷 And I told him I wasn't looking for any casual sex and my Bumble says I'm looking for a relationship! I feel so disappointed I keep crying about it, over and over again, and this is over one date, I'm never going to be able to emotionally handle more. I feel so worthless and horrible about myself like even though I present myself so nicely and I'm furthering my education, that it feels like people can see right through me and think I'm disgusting and just good for sex and to try to manipulate through fake flattery. whenever I try to approach someone I like in a genuine way and be myself, it doesnt work, they end up being unavailable, married, thinking i'm weird, or only wanting to fuck, and I'm so depressed that I can't just be normal like other people but it's like nobody sees me as gf material, ever. Its makes you feel so disgusting, horrifying and like you're not even human when nobody can even like you as a human being! Just going on one date makes mehate myself so much.