No one can ever understand 1% of me. I'm complicated. I've experienced more sadness then them. I've had more suicide attempts before the age of 10 than they will ever have in their life. I'm complicated. I tried to make a list of the bad stuff that happened in my early years (I'm 16) i can't though. It was either just so normal i forgot it or the fact i have blocked out years of my life. Its  like trying to access an account you made when you where 7 and you have no idea what the password is. I just can't get past the block i put up. I have remembered a lot but i know its not close to all of it.

No one can understand the complicated parts of my life. No one can understand the HELL of not being able to talk until i was 6. Understanding everyone but no one knowing you can understand or that you can comprehend what anyone means. They all though i was stupid because i could not be understood.i could not utter a single recognizable word. I could go on for hours about it and the torture of it but i don't want to go of topic.

No one will understand the multiple traumas that haunt me at night. The things that shake not only your world but your life. They won't ever experience one. They don't understand the demons that torment me as i try sleep.

No one will understand these feelings if these are feelings. No one will understand the hallucinations the voices. No one will understand the mood swings or my behaviour no one will understand why i love them one minute and hate then the next. I don't understand it either. No one will understand trying to understand others in a way which ends up with you always thinking they hate you or look down on you. No one will understand the paranoia. No one will understand not feeling... OR FEELING EVERYTHING. They don't understand why i cry right after laughing or laugh in the middle of crying. No one understands the suicidal tendency. No one understands or notices the cries for help. Because on the outside my life must seam perfect.

White
Male
Middle class
Seemingly normal family
Parents split up ( normal these days )
In the top classes
Girlfriend

Looking at that people think there can't be anything wrong with me. Nothing can be wrong with him. But EVERYTHING IS WRONG NOTHING EVER SEAMS RIGHT.

They don't understand me. AND YET THEY TELL ME TO "Just cheer up" - "just be normal" and get angry at me and make my life worse and tell me how to cope how to make it all better. I was arguing with a friend about how he caused me several months of pain by not telling me someone liked me. And he said "YOUR WITH HER NOW AND YOU STILL PUNISH YOURSELF" he doesn't understand one little bit. From that sentence alone i knew he understood the least out of anyone on this planet. But continues to berate me for every slip up. But i digress

no one will ever understand me.