I used to be a pretty emotional kid. Not inherently a BAD emotional, I just used to get extremely excited over little things, or extremely upset over little things. I sorta just put the 'upset over little things' side down to what I assume was mild anxiety or something, and learnt to live with it.

Now I struggle to feel any sort of emotions.

It's only been fairly recently (sort of the last month or so), but I'm really struggling to get any sort of enjoyment - or even sadness - out of anything. I went into 6th Form in September, and pretty much all of my friends left for other schools. I've lost contact with the majority of them entirely, and the people I still speak to are more reserved nowadays, they've formed new friendships and so don't really have any sort of need to lean on me for support or anything (which - I really liked trying to help them, I think - ironically - I'd like to be a therapist in the future). 

I got slightly off track - but like I was saying - I had my birthday recently. I love my birthday, everything about it, I always got so excited I couldn't sleep the whole night, and was bursting with adrenaline.

I felt completely indifferent to it. I slept fine, and didn't feel any sort of happiness, or sadness about anything the whole day.

Christmas is coming up, and it's a similar situation - I love the holiday with all my heart, but feel nothing towards it anymore.

Where is this lack of feeling coming from? Am I just growing up, so I don't feel particularly happy or sad or anything about stuff? I don't really want to feel empty anymore, and I'd actually rather feel persistently sad than this, I think, but I can't shed a single tear.

I know I SHOULD be happy, I have plenty of reason to be: I'm taking driving lessons and have already passed my theory test, I have an amazing family who love me with all my heart, and I'm doing pretty well in terms of schooling. Yet - I'm not happy. I'm not ANYTHING.

So, am I depressed? I honestly don't know, so it'd be nice to gauge the opinion of some people, I guess. I also don't really want to speak to anyone I know irl about it either. Like I say - I'm no longer intimate enough with any of my friends to share stuff like this, and I refuse to put a burden like this on my family right before Christmas.

Thank you all and have an amazing night :)