I am so humiliated and pissed off with myself. I've felt sick to my stomach about it all weem and today my anxiety just took hold and literally right as I was needing to get in the car and goI just got absolutely paralysed with fear and cancelled. I wanted this so bad, it had been planned for months. I don't even think I would regret it or anything it's just the fear of the pain and fainting. It was going to be me finally beating my anxiety and doing something I've always wanted, but I let my fear win. I hate myself so bad right now.

I did everything- my skin is still numb from the cream I prepped with, I have the aftercare products and snacks I was going to take with me. I feel like such a failure. And I know now I've backed out once I can't book again because this will all happen again I will build myself up and last minute break down and panic. I wish I'd just gone and done it now.