Hey everyone, I got diagnosed with EUPD (Borderline Type) September last year. Negligient upbringing, invalidating environment. Seeing a therapist. I've reached the part where I am able to identify my cognitive errors and see where my BPD is influencing me. And it's influencing me big time. 

My therapist keeps telling me to write. Basically note down all the occurrences where I identify a cognitive error. They've also recently told me to start writing morning pages, where I'm supposed to write a page or two about what's on my mind when I wake up. The problem is, I don't. I just don't write. And I don't have any excuses as to why I don't do it. I know it's beneficial to see how far I've come and all, but I can't bring myself to initiate and stick to it. 

I also have issues with preparing for my teaching eligibility test. I'm lazing around and the pandemic just makes me want to do nothing. I'm kinda lost here. It's probably the all-or-nothing cognitive error because my self esteem is shit and that test is national level, VERY competitive. My parents had been very academically oriented with me in my childhood and made me feel like being a whiz kid was the only way I could be deemed acceptable of their love. Which still plays havoc on my mind because I go out of the way to make others happy. 

I don't know why I can't make a plan of studying and commit to it. It's common sense that it's the only way to clear this test. Yet I don't. Anyone else experiences this?