even without the mania, i’m a thrill seeker. what’s keeping me safe is my impulse control. controlling impulses becomes difficult while manic, though. my biggest concern is speeding. i don’t want to get in an accident or in trouble for going 100 mph down the freeway. 

another concern is how i’d react to seeing any of my abusers. being manic can put me in a rage, especially since i also have ptsd and bpd. i don’t want to become that mad, and certainly not in public. that would be embarrassing. 

i wish i had friends or a boyfriend to help by letting me know when they think i’m manic and acting stupid, but i don’t have either 🥲. hopefully, i will soon. rn i’m just unable to work or go to college because of injuries and bad mental health so it’s difficult to meet new people.