This is a really long one, so please bear with me!

I have been living together with my partner for over four years now, we're both 31. However, my mental health has been declining for a large portion of the time so there has been no sexual intercourse for over two and no cuddling/emotional support for about half a year. I feel like he is tired of my constant complaining and inability to live and I do not blame him at all. 

He has developed the mindset of just letting me be, because he does not want to annoy or bother me especially during anxiety attacks. This has been going on a bit over 6 months now, and has led to me not trusting him. So I bottle up all my anxieties and fears and symptoms around him because I feel like it's not any of his business anymore. But I fear that even if my mental health gets better, then the resentment of leaving me alone in this hell won't go away. I understand it's not rational and he cannot see inside my head and most importantly, it's not his job to fix me in any way, but it's just how I feel.

I usually fall asleep before he comes to bed, so when I was still awake last night I noticed that I got panicky when I heard him coming and could not fall sleep until I went to the living room in the middle of the night.
So I feel like I should move out asap before it gets even worse, because it is his place. I have some money saved as I have been dreaming of my own apartment, but here's the catch: even if I find something I really like and could possibly afford, then my mental state is so horrible I cannot call the real estate agent about it nor actually go outside to see the place! So I feel like I am stuck - can't go away even if I wanted, but staying here seems just as bad. I feel sick to my stomach when I think that I am basically using him by staying here while our relationship is such a mess. He has not ever mentioned a break-up or me moving out, the closest has been to offer to live with his parents a couple of weeks so I can have my peace. He knows how I feel as we have had 6-hour talks, but I don't think he completely gets it.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, have been taking different meds for 13 years, clean since last spring. Will discuss getting new ones in March during a doc visit. I'm in therapy with the same gal since summer.

I have no friends since covid hit and I hid inside the safety of my home, my family is a 2-hour drive away and we are not that close anyway.

So what would you do? Buy/rent whatever place there is and just get out with the help of ton of Xanax and hope I won't lose my mind completely afterwards with the extra layer of responsibilities that come with a new place? Stay where I am, because anxiety is known to warp your perception and I am not being rational?

TL;DR living in my boyfriend's place, relationship has gone down the hill, mental state is horrible so everything besides deciding whether to nap or not is too much, what to do next?