24 yo male.
I used to cherish my spontaneous side, my thrill side, my lets live life - so what if I have a personality disorder side. But apparently it was only fun till college. Things changed.

Now it is heartbreaking that I can't hold on to a job, it's hard to not know what do I want in life. It's hard to go through splitting everytime someone does something not in my favour. It's hard to be hooked on to other sources to boost my brain chemicals. It's hard to not know what relationships are like and how to be there for another person. 

I feel horrible, that my brain is wired this way. I used to blame everyone who was involved in my growing up process but what's the point? It's done.

I grew up. I grew up as a broken individual. Who does not know what he wants. I honestly have no idea what do I want in life. I keep changing, I want to do everything but nothing. I want to meet everyone but be alone. 

I'm tired of all this. I had never seen my BPD traits as a problem but now when adulthood is hitting hard and financial requirements are rising up. I don't know how to live. 

I'm truly concerned, how is life going to be like ahead for me. I think I am mildly scared too. This is all running in my head after I quit my job just in 3 days. I feel like a successful failure but none of this is my fault. I'm sorry that I don't have a personality. 

I'm tired.