- i abused painkillers and lied about it for a month 

- I talked to a member of her old friend group to warn her the other people in it were shitty when I promised not to speak to them 

- Taking more painkillers and ending up in in patient 

- i had a crush for 5 seconds on someone and didn’t tell her for a month despite being the most in love id ever felt with her 

- Attemtping suicide and threatening it 

- Stealing my parents money to buy a plane ticket to see her and her talking me down from it 

- Lying about things to avoid them like ive always done and ruining her trust every time we built it back up

- Thinking of porn stars and celebrities as a stand in for her when we were having phone sex because i only had one picture of her face and couldn’t imagine her in my head 

She finally broke up with me today after the last one came out, now she’s talking about fucking someone she knows to get back at me but  won’t tell me who and i don’t know if she means it, she says im the worst boyfriend ever and i always will be and she would never have kids with someone as fucked up as me. It fucking hurts because i know it’s true. She was literally perfect and i fucked it all up.