I’m so tired anymore, I just want a break or permanent vacation from life and i’m only 23. 

I’ve never had it easy in life but I used to be a much happier person. Despite being forced to drop from high school when I was 16 to pick up full time work, I have been moderately successful. Enough to afford a really nice new car, my own apartment, a few credit cards, and having a bit in savings.. at least until this year. Things have been so hard financially, I live with the constant fear I’ll lose my job even though I’m really good at it and love it, food and gas costs double almost triple what it did in 2019 and I can hardly afford to eat anymore. I work to pay debt off now essentially.

I tell my girlfriend, someone i’ve been friends with since I was 12, that I am ready to go back to school. Despite dropping from school, i’ve kept up with my education and am very smart. I’m taking courses right now to get my hs diploma and have plans to enroll in a mechanical engineering program so I can work in the aerospace field. Despite this being my life dream, my girlfriend is completely non supportive of my ambitions, saying how much time and money it will cost.. yet at the same time she tells me how she wants to get married to me and have kids and be a stay at home mom. Like?? I have no formal education and make only $17 an hour and am struggling right now as it is.
I brought up the idea that in order to make ends meet and give me a faster track toward my education and career goals, I could enlist in the service. She is super against this and shuts down any time I mention anything related to my dreams/goals.

After being on my own since I was 16, I am so extremely tired, have become cynical, angry, and nihilistic. I think myself into self depreciating, anxiety attacks and depressive episodes. I’m disinterested from being a normal 23 year old now, I have no idea how to make friends anymore, how to find a higher paying job that won’t slave me out, or how to even exist without going into crisis mode. I don’t even know what my next step in life is because it seems like despite my best efforts, everything feels the same if not worse. I’m losing more and more hope everyday and have zero emotional support from friends or my girlfriend, I have no family, nor can I rely on myself for these things. Ending it all sounds better and better as the days pass