I grew up in a rather dysfunctional family that tended to use the Christian religion as punishment, and a weapon. However, I've found that I'm still spiritual, I do believe in God, and that's helped me during super dark times such as hospitalizations and whatnot. 

However, I've also found that any time I've ever tried to go into an official church setting, I leave feeling worse. Maybe it's the black and white thinking, but I get so down on myself and anxious because they talk about all the things that are supposedly going to send you to hell - promiscuity, lying, etc. - and I always end up feeling like such a failure and monster because I've been that person. And I've tried so many times to be better, but I always mess up. And then it's like I almost split on the higher power I believe in too because I don't understand why he'd want someone like me, so I just give up. I also have perfectionism issues and feel like if I can't do something completely right, I'm just letting everyone down and maybe that's part of it. But I really struggle because religion does seem so black and white to me, so many do's and don'ts, and I already feel guilty for a lot of the things I've done but being reminded of that just makes me feel so much worse - not better. 

Anyone else ever feel this way?