Full disclosure. Diagnosed BP and BPD. Currently on lamictal and vraylar. Started therapy in February and have tried a few therapists. Like current one well enough but not sure therapy is right for me. 

I started vraylar 12 days ago and it drug me out of a 2ish month long manic episode with some paranoid psychosis sprinkled in. I’m still having some post-episode symptoms but feeling worlds better. 

Today I said I can’t do things to derail myself when I’m in a swing. All those unhealthy coping mechanisms (sex, spending money, drinking OR laying on the couch, eating shit food, wearing dirty clothes) feel too good. 

She asked me why I can’t just lean into it. 

So maybe 2 ways to see this. 

1. She’s leading me to talk about what brought me to therapy and, thus, why I have to start doing the hard shit. 

2. She’s kind of ignorant about BP and doesn’t realize that leaning into the mania is how I ended up wrapped up in paranoid delusions. 

What would you do? How would you react? Do I find someone new? Am I splitting?