I am now 24 years old and enrolled in uni. I was having the best life imaginable with money, friends, sports, academic success...until I got ill in January 2020. This is not a story where I get cancer or some other debilitating diesase, for all I and the doctors know, I am 100% healthy. It all started with some weird feeling in my throat which turned into a burning sensation in my entire chest, pins and needles in my hands, numbness and one year after symptom onset into severe neurological issues. I have lost my depth perception and my vision is blurry and uncomfortable. I cannot stare at my monitor at all because it is so uncomfortable. My consciousness is clouded, my sleep is broken, I cannot remember things, and the pain is killing me. Over the last 2 years I have seen countless doctors and nobody is able to help me. I have been on antidepressants after a suicide attempt in March 2021 which help me cope a bit. To be quite honest, I loved my life and I still love it, at least how it used to be. I would give everything to be able to go back and life a normal life, but the odds of that happening seem to be rather slim. I endure all this suffering for this small possibility and to spare my family from my death. Even though they dont understand my suffering and think all is well and I am just lazy, I cannot be mad at them, they just dont know better. Two and a half years of this hell have taken quite a toll on me and I dont know how much longer I am able to keep on fighting. My plan now is to end it sometime in august, as I still have a few things left to try and a miracle might still happen (hahaha...).
This is me. My life. In ruins and I dont know why. I cry every day. I am so sad. So so sad. At least I got a taste of how life could have been, and I truly loved it.