Yesterday was shitty. Full of bad news, I can't get a job nor get more educated to get a job better. Then I got a horrible panic attack and couldn't find my meds. Just crying and crying and looking and looking for who knows how long. And then I fell asleep and my son watched cartoons for 2 h, and that was an hour too long. And I was a horrible mother, not able to be there for him enough. 

And during the night he peed in my bed (he's learning to be without a diaper and had slept without one for days without accidents, and this was the first time he was in my bed for weeks). And woke up several times. And I couldn't sleep. And my cat had stepped in it's shit and walked all over the place. And I woke up late to drop my son to the daycare.

And I've been writing a cover letter for a job for three hours now, because I can't concentrate and when I pushed "send", it vanished.  Now I have to write it again and the first time was a pain. And I need to clean my bed somehow and I don't know where I'll sleep next night. And I dropped my dirty mooncup on the floor. 

And I need to clean, I feel there's dirt everywhere (even though there really isn't more than a little dust on the floor, but I've become obsessed since my ex broke up with me and I had to get a new place and I hate this place eventhough it's really pretty, and I keep cleaning stupid stuff all the time), but I have no strength. I barely managed to put the laundry on, and I have no idea how I'm going to be able to hang it later on. And I need to make dinner for my son before we have to go shopping for clothes for him with his dad (who takes him after that, thank god). 

And I have to be alone all night, I have no-one to call and ask to be here. All these stupid little things just keep piling up and I have no way of stopping it. All this is too much for me. I'm collapsing.