I’ve been contemplating on going back down that road and it was a rough one but maybe I’ll have more luck this time dealing with the heartache? 
I know it sounds rough and I desperately want to respond to some of the forums here once I finish my homework…

I just miss my fp… my old and current. My current has broken my heart one too many and it hurts to see he hasn’t sent me a text begging he’s sorry and wants to kiss/hug me etc… just go back to ourselves..
It’s like he took for granted my kindness and heart… like he forgets I have bpd/trust issues/abandonment issues… like as if I am nothing to him now when the last time he was drunk he professed his love for me again and how much he needs me… that he and I are like captain America and Agent carter…

I just want to numb out. I want to get over him it’s getting hard to do it in a healthy manner since I still wanna believe he will cave and realize what he’s doing wrong and fix things with me.

I just honestly don’t want to feel anything for a while; I’m quite tired of being a nice/good/caring person and being pushed around and then when I spit back I’m sooo scary I’m explosive I have anger issues…

I want to not feel too much I just want a sign of hope for the first time in years im actually becoming hopeless and numb…