I just started seeing a therapist again for depression and this time I got a good one, I am so glad for that. But I was discuss g some of the issues I have with my wife and the therapist said after mentioning things in two sessions that she has BPD. I had never heard of it. I did some research and the therapist gave me some information and some reading recommendations (stop walking on eggshells) and I'll be damned she ticks off 8 of the 9 symptoms. I started reading the book and furiously doing research. My wife refuses to go to a therapist for any reason and has a history of self harm. I don't know how to help her. Last night I showed her a meme from Instagram from a  BPD site describing what a person with BPD feels and I asked her is this how you feel. Of course I hid where I got it from. She said yes, exactly! I feel relieved and heartbroken at the same time. Relieved that after 15 years of being together that maybe some of these things that I thought were in my head actually weren't. But heartbroken that she is going through this everyday. I have tried many times over the last 4 years to get her to seek therapy because I have needed it for depression because I have been so burnt out all the time.

Any advice or resources to get her to seek help? One problem is when she talks to professionals is she will lie about things like self harm and stealing, binge eating so  a diagnosis wouldn't be accurate all the time.