Okay, so here goes.... I lost my final grandparent on the first of the month. I am only 23 and that just feels way too soon. In context, my mom lost her last grandparent when she was 45. It's quite a difference there. I know plenty of other people lose all of their grandparents younger than me but it just still doesn't feel right.

We were originally planning to go to the beach and we were almost there when we got the call that my grandmother passed. So we turned around and went to her house where she was still laying in bed before the funeral home came and got her. We spent that entire week planning the funeral and the funeral was this past Sunday. Since then I have been almost non-stop anxious for many reasons.

We had hotel rooms booked up for events in the coming weeks for my grandmother (she was going to turn 80 next month) but now since she's not here we had to cancel them which for some reason makes my anxiety go through the roof. Even if other people are the ones to call the hotel, I get secondhand anxiety from it.

This morning I woke up in a panic because one of our smoke alarms decided to go off. We had these smoke alarms installed 3 months ago and I believe this one in particular is faulty because it has not shut up in the past 3 hours. It's to the point where I just stuck it in my car because I don't know how to turn it off and I have to wait for my dad to come home to figure it out. Luckily, there's no fire. I also know there's no other problem because it is still beeping in my car.

This sent flashbacks to me because earlier this year, all of the smoke alarms in our house went off at once just as I was getting out of the shower. Of course I panicked and searched the house and again luckily no fire but I was just so anxious and now I'm completely terrified every time is happens.

I'm also in the process of trying to get a job amongst everything else that is happening. This has been one of the worst few weeks of my life. I hope that when I do get a job, they're going to be super nice to me because I am going to be in panic mode probably all the time. When you experience something one after the other like I did, you're about to be on edge more often than you should be. I know people say life moves on but it needs to move on faster because I'm just existing at the moment. Don't know how to describe it.