If im not thinking about starving myself or my weight im thinking about killing myself or about cutting myself or about how to get people to think im fine or what would happen if I killed myself its a voscous cycle but one thing I'm thinking about more recently is will I ever actually be okay, like I've been like this for id say 3/4 years  since I was in y7 im in y10 now and all that's happened  is I've gotten worse and worse like I've attempted more than once worse and I'm genuinely addicted to cutting myself worse and it's genuinely hard for me to feel worse and I'm constantly planning how and when and where to kill myself worse. I've gotten worse so bad so quickly so what about in another years time will i still be like this, will I be worse, better or will I have gotten to a point where It was too much and I was gone and I'd never be sad again gone. what if I never get better. Will I ever be normal, like everyone else? Happy?