I'm autistic, bipolar, severely traumatised (CPTSD due to repeated physical, emotional and sexual abuse as a kid), recovering from drug addiction, have intense compulsive thoughts, constant paranoid borderline-psychotic symtoms (that sometimes get a lot worse, though I usually know they're irrational) and severe ADHD traits (I'm getting tested soon). 

I am NOT saying I "have it worse" than others cause their problems are not as complex. I have no plans of killing myself most of the time (except when depression kicks in) for example and that indicates that a lot of people are struggling as much and oftentimes more. But I am saying that I feel alone in my problems. Like they're too many for me to be truly understood, and that pains me. I've met a lot of mentally ill people but no one with problems as... Weirdly tangled and hard to grasp as mine. It makes me feel like I can't recover cause idk where one would start. I feel like I'm cr*zy though I would NEVER view anyone else like that. I feel like a hopeless case. I know it sounds self loathing, but I just need to talk about it. Idk any specific person I could talk to. I have people who care about me a lot and who don't judge me, but I feel like a burden bringing it up, that they wouldn't get it and like all they'd say are things I don't believe anyway. I love them, I'm grateful for them and their support is a privilege not everyone has. But I just... Hate feeling like the most messed up person on earth.

Anyway, I needed to vent somewhere where I'm anonymous and don't need to feel ashamed, so here I am.