Won’t go to much into detail but I feel lost at this current moment in time.

Here is my current situation:
-Second year college student, graduating next year with a bachelors.
-I don’t struggle in school, I do very well given the amount of time I allocate to it everyday. 
-Poor
-School work from 9AM - 8/9PM
-Away from home, friends, and any form of comfort. Ik I need to get out of my comfort zone to grow, but damn.

Extra: I am truly blessed, I have a great family who cares and financial backing for college (Just enough to survive). My parents give everything to make sure I am comfortable and have the opportunity succeed in life. It makes me so unbelievably pissed off at myself that I can’t be happy with that. It’s so selfish… 

Things I am struggling with:
1. Can’t explore my hobbies/passions because they cost money and I’m a poor college student who has obligations to uphold before anything else. To be specific, I really enjoy cars.

2. Find myself not enjoying things I used to do. Playing video games have become somewhat boring and trivial. I love playing on my computer and laughing with friends but we all have different games and times to play now. 

3. Had to stop smoking weed a while ago. Found myself clinging to it because it gave me an escape from reality. Love it and all it does; it helped with anxiety, somewhat depression, and genetic tremors. Used it while playing video games and hanging out with friends. Only took 2-4 small hits off a pen a night; only used it after 8/9 when I got all my school work done. 

4. With a girl who treats me well but shit at the same time. I believe she loves me but uses me at the same time to do her dirty work. She deals with mental issues and I’m not necessarily, in my current mindset, the right person to bear her rants and destructive behavior. I am very horny, but she doesn’t like to do anything sexually, she just likes to hang out and fuck with my head. She’s a good person with ambition; I wouldn’t be where I am today without her. I feel like I owe her.  

Conclusion: I know my situation is quite pathetic and I should be better; I am trying my best. However, I struggle to find happiness with the hours I have at the end of my daily routine. I feel as if I’m working towards a goal (Get a job, make money) in which end I will find happiness. I don’t know if I’m telling myself I lie or if I believe it. I don’t enjoy talking to people, I prefer to be by myself. At the bed of the day, I have the resolve that happiness is not required in life. I just need to keep moving forward. Just look at my old man lmao.

Please leave any comments, good or bad. I’m not easily agitated or hurt. Constructive criticism is needed for development. Plus what do I know, what do you know? We are all wrong. Anyways, I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this and/or comment. It means a lot. Most of your who find this are probably in a similar situation anyways. -Best

I guess I did go into detail…