Alright so I brought up my bpd suspicion to the psychiatrist and she agreed that either the disorder or some traits are probably there. It explains a lot because despite nothing but positive developments in my current relationship I’ve been feeling worse over time and I’ve come to realize that I think it’s because the longer we’re together the more threatened I am by the thought of him leaving. Up until recently, I could quell my “he’s cheating on you” thoughts, but now they take a lot more space and time than I like. And even though I know it’s not true, I worry the bad feeling I have causes me to act out or upset toward him when he hasn’t done anything wrong. This is my first romantic relationship but this cycle has happened in platonic ones with best friends before too. And after those I eventually figured out the problem and why I would get so resentful but when we were drifting apart I would make up reasons in my mind to justify it. But now in this relationship, I’m feeling similarly resentful but I can see the reasons are bullshit. Not thrilled about the semi diagnosis but it is nice to have answers.