Hi I'm 24 f and I am recently separated from my husband ... we have known eachother a total of 11 years and dated for 4 before getting married a year ago.. and I told myself I would never be one of those people that get married and divorced instantly... i felt like i dotted all my i's and and crossed my t's amillion times to make sure this was real and I was inlove and it was something intense and meaningful.. but it's never that simple ... I married for love and because I knew I wanted to be with him.. and through all those 11 years we knew the goal was to always move in together and start a life..I wanted it more then anything because I knew it would make life so much easier for the both of us but the complicated part was he lived In another country and knowing that was the obstacle in my way we also saw marriage as a way for me to stay with him with so much less complications.. but we did it.. I practically did almost everything I dreamed of ..living in one of those beautiful countries in the world with my bestfriend..being a wife and a damn good one at that... experiencing a whole new world..and then the honey moon phase ended and we really started getting back to the normal life..working constantly.. thinking about whats next...and he realized he wasn't so happy...and he didnt see me in whats next..not as much as I did..it was like i planned it all for us without even realizing it.. we almost bought property together and pets and started pushing for more... i wanted so much more for us...and then our lease ran out and on our last month in our beautiful apartment... he left me...like the man I worked towards being with for years..fucking left me.. which means I faced deportation if I didn't directly pick myself up and hop on my shit to get a work visa... and i was low.. i didnt eat sleep.. move even.. i didnt exist for weeks.. so i couldnt do much by the end of the month... i couldnt.. so I'm now back in the u.s living with my mom and I am more depressed then I ever have been in my whole life.. and tbh to say I contemplated suicide is an understatement but the reality of actually carrying it out is terrifying because as much as I think it would be better for alot of people and I could finally rest and stop with this exhaustion.. I somehow keep pushing..and telling myself to move forward..even if it hurts me more and more day by day.. but I know for a fact I'll never get that bliss back... those dreams back... it only worked cuz he was there too.. it was our world..it was what he wanted too.. but I guess I wanted it amillion times more... I don't know if I was selfish or if he was.. i cant even be mad or know how to feel.. to promise someone the world and drag it right from underneath someone's feet.. how could it not kill someone.. I'm so fucked... all I have is my money and clothes... I'm so heartbroken ... I have nothing left to give... I'll never feel that intensity again... I don't know where to go from here or what to do...