I'm so tired. I basically haven't gotten out my bed in like a week because I just don't see a point. I'm not eating, barely drinking, because what's the point? I could keep holding out for stupid little things like the next chapter of a webcomic I'm reading, or an upcoming video game I'll probably never actually get around to playing because I can't even enjoy video games lately. I don't have friends, and I never will again, and I can't handle this crushing constant loneliness for much longer. I have no hopes or dreams for the future, because I dont have a future, because I don't want one and have never wanted one and will never want one. So what's the point? 

The main reason I'm still here at all is just because I've ordered so many things online and I feel like it would cruel for constant reminders to show up throughout the next several months with my name on it. I think my mom would get over me being gone easily enough (not that she's uncaring or unkind or anything, just that she's not very emotional and I've always been the least favorite child anyways), but it would be cruel for me to set it up so it's like constantly reopening closed wounds, and I don't want to be cruel. 

But this sucks. Endless day in day out emptiness and doing the bare minimum so my body doesnt shut down even though that's exactly what I want it to do and I'm not entirely sure why I shouldn't just let it. And the occasional episodes of hope are even worse, when you find yourself thinking I WANT to try and get better, because it always goes nowhere. I  feel like nothing will ever get better. I want it to but I can't do anything about it. So what's the point? How do I find a point?