I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for years now, but I've also been recently diagnosed with BPD. I'm really trying not to push people away, but I can't stop... I've sort of managed to keep my friends close and not push them away, but I'm struggling being in a relationship. My boyfriend doesn't really understand my illnesses, often says and does the wrong things, which makes me really upset. I don't blame him but I also can't seem to stop myself from overreacting and feeling hurt.

Last night I told him I feel physically, emotionally and mentally unwell. He told me to focus on the new TV show that was on. I've asked him so many times to try to understand and listen to me, but he keeps ignoring my feelings. Generally, he means well, but I'm not getting the support I want. Ultimately, I feel ignored and unworthy of his attention, thus, we always end up fighting. My BPD is no excuse for my behavior but I can't control it and I say horrible things to him. I'm so ashamed afterwards...

I've tried breaking up with him so many times but he keeps saying that my BPD won't let me have a healthy relationship and he is the one for me. I think it's true but I also don't want to continue hurting each other. It is such a toxic relationship.. At the same time, he is everything to me... I just don't think I should be in a relationship at all... I've tried antidepressants, counseling, but I'm very tired. The only thing that keeps me alive is this relationship, but I feel like I'm just a burden, thus, feeling even more miserable... I have no idea how to have a healthy relationship at all...