Recently my grandma volunteered to help me care for my cats who have lived with her before as I have. I left my dad's household after a lot of bordering violence and overall toxicity. Cats unfortunately have to be put between all the moving mess, so she offered without my question to help. I accepted graciously; they've lived with her before as I have and are familiar. I am at my mom's place now and amidst a lot of delays unpacking. My dad's place was moldy, and my sister who also moved in got an allergic reaction to the contamination on our belongings. She had to go to the ER for the allergic reaction symptoms. We have to mass wash everything we packed. That delayed when we were supposed to pick the kitties up from her place and introduce them properly to their new environment. Nothing is settled fully right now because of the mold delay.

 However, okay...here are a history of my grandma's behaviors. I'm thinking she has a cluster b personality disorder of her own or some complex ptsd, because while she is not as low functioning as me, she will have these triggers that make her act out. I know it's related a lot to her upbringing and generational trauma. However, she is aware and refuses to change. She expects people to grin and bear when she says nasty things out of impatience or her feelings. She even justifies herself because of how SHE feels...and it can sound like something I catch myself doing with bpd. That's the unhealthy part with her. She is stressing everyone out by refusing to empathize with the fact that we have to clean the mold situation asap because it can get us sick and we can't just introduce the cats here when it's all haywire with trying to get things cleaned. She went as far as to say it was me delaying because I'm "not being helpful"...as if she's been living here to observe that, and it's wrong! I really did not point a gun at her head and say, "here, take the cats! All yours now. Deal with them." SHE volunteered. I never asked. I accepted because either a friend should house them, or I board them which is money, or worse, give them up. Because the other part was getting mom's landlord to approve which is fine now luckily. But because I lost patience with her over text message because she cannot understand what's going on and refuses to, suddenly I'm "disrespectful." My mom is so done with her too; she tried to talk to my mom and make up a story, and my mom knew it was some bullshit. Everyone is fed up with her and I regret accepting her help. That's the thing; my grandma is not the type of person whose help you should want. My own issue is the weird bpd stock holme-ish relationship where you stay in toxic relationships for the sake of staying in a relationship. I know my grandma is gonna go crying to others about me; that's her thing. She's so predictable. All I asked her was to say sorry for not listening to anyone and weirdly making the delays about how I'm "lazy". Whatever her pathology, it's no mix with my bpd and ptsd. I'm fed up. She's aware and there's no excusing it. I just don't know how to cope with her.