I’ve battled with bipolar depression diagnosed for 15 years. I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m broken. I’ve tried to be positive. I haven’t removed myself from my own situation because the only reason I’m sad is because I’m thinking about everything. I’m sad. I’ve tried. If anyone sees this, it was not you. I hid, I allowed myself to become weak. Susceptible to the manipulation even when it was no longer in front of me. 
Please make sure the one I love, knows that I love him more than all the stars and fishes in the sea. 
God knows I’ve tried. I’m surprised I even lived this long. I want to be rescued but I don’t at the same time. I’ve been offered so many ropes and I can’t seem to mentally grab them. I feel so trapped. I can’t describe it. It’s suffocating. I’m an avid swimmer and when I tell you, I am drowning. I can’t tread this water too much longer. 
I have these thoughts almost weekly now. I can’t. It’s not even the relationship. Frfr. It’s the breakdown that I see within myself.  It hurts my own feelings that I’ve allowed everything to occur. 

Thank you all for being here for me. Don’t cry. I’m free.