I'm in my 40's. I grew up with trauma and abuse. GAD is the result of that, in large part I'm sure, but also I'm sure it's in some way genetic, or related to something genetic and the GAD is how I cope with the depression or whatever.

I've been unmedicated until about six weeks ago. My parents were both drug users and alcoholics. My grandfather refused morphine while he was dying from cancer because of his past alcohol and drug abuse and addiction. My uncle and aunt are both alcoholics and drug addicts. I'm pretty sure my aunt is clean but I don't talk to her so she might not be. My uncle definitely isn't. I've got a family history and the idea of meds has always scared me. I don't want to be dependent on something that can be taken away.

My therapist finally convinced me to give it a shot so I started Lexapro six weeks ago.

In the last six weeks I have moved house, had my car totalled, changed jobs, and the kids have started school in person for the first time in 18 months.

I should be in pieces. I'm not though. I'm fine. I suppose that's the meds and the therapy doing it's thing. I'm not predicting and planning to mitigate disaster around every corner and I'm sure that's the meds and the therapy. I'm not suspicious of my new employer trying to screw me over, though I am feeling a little bit of anxiety over being unqualified for the job. (all signs point to everything being just fine though.) we got a notice of a positive case at the kids school and my first thought was "if yours had been exposed you'd have gotten two emails not one." instead of immediately calling the school to ask directly. That's gotta be the meds right?

It took ten days to sort out my car issue. That's it. A couple phone calls, a couple test drives, and I have a new (to me) car and everything with the insurance companies is handled and there was no rate hike because no claims against our policy were made and I even got money for the totalled car. Not a lot, but something is better than nothing right? 

But there is this sense of unreality. It's been hovering for a couple weeks now, and yesterday I kind of broke I think? I'm not sure.

For about a month my partners boss has been talking about a promotion. They are creating a new position due to growth in the division and my partner is taking that on. We expected a slight pay bump, and for all this to happen sometime at the end of this year/start of next year. Yesterday they decided to accelerate the time table and sent the offer letter. The salary increase is quite a bit more than expected. Like as in an entire salary for an entire working adult above minimum wage amount.

I don't know how to deal with the lack of worry about what I'm supposed to do about that, and I am starting to wonder if any of this is actually real.