i got the joining date to my first proper job today. it's at a renowned consulting co. ive asked them about background checks or any kind of testing - waiting for the reply. dunno how mental health/ taking medication for it flies around here. 

i'm a 20 yo w a history of bpd, which became intense in the last few months. i also got anxiety (especially social), and c-ptsd. 

ive kinda relied on isolation as a means of coping with the bpd. staying away from people. one of the reasons why i screwed up my last semester, but anyway. i am an introvert so i like to be in my own room anyways. 

now i'm gonna be joining a corporate organisation with 39 other people in june. as an alcoholic. as a stoner. as a mentally ill person. my major challenges will be definitely to keep the emotions in check. but i also dont really wanna rub people the wrong way straight off the bat . (though i think it inevitably will happen, unintentionally)

sad thing is i have a history of doing this. ive worked at smaller gigs before- mcdonalds, subway, freelance writing- barely lasted a month at all of these. i just get flustered around people. that has been a lifelong thing. 

i'm asking you how do i prepare myself a month in advance for thee biggest gig of my life so far when i'm used to being (and still am) a screw-up? there's a good chance i'll crash out by the first month, like aforementioned.

also any alcoholic borderlines here? any tips on how to handle the first day? i'm planning on sneaking in alcohol, like i did in college anyways. i'm not deliberately planning to self-sabotage, but the alcohol is honestly a source of comfort.

[i've posted this to the related subs as well]