I had the best few months of my life living my dream in a beautiful country. I fell in love, I found a new home in my friends and found a family in them, I found purpose and adventure everyday. I saw what I looked like when I was truly happy. All of this got ripped away from me suddenly, I knew the experience was temporary from the start but I didn't expect to not miss my home at all, I didnt expect to need to stay. I feel traumatized by kissing my first real love goodbye as I got on a plane, I have never cried so much in public before. Now, I am home. Everyone that I knew is in a different country and I am alone. They love me and talk to me still, but the man I fell in love with cannot commit to a long distance relationship. We said we wouldn't begin a relationship from the start, but something changed for me, I didn't want to leave him and now I feel broken. I feel like I left my heart and soul in another part of the world and I can't go back because of work visas, school, money, just stupid material man-made things. I gave myself to someone who cannot love me enough to continue our relationship, and I lost my entire lifestyle back there. No one at home understands me, they think I just went on a vacation. And I know this sounds like it belongs on a breakup reddit page but the way that everything around me has just been grey for months tells me that I am experiencing a terrible depression. I have dropped some of my university classes, I take pills to sleep in the middle of the day, I don't know what I'm doing with my life, I cannot stand being alone anymore it scares me because of how violently I cry now. I have begun therapy but she ended the session 15mins early while I was still pouring myself out to her, so, even the people who are meant to help make me feel more alone. There is nothing anyone here can do but I just decided to start typing, thanks for letting me post this.