My name is Lei. I am a member of a traumagenic plural system. I also have BPD and CPTSD. This, of course, means that all of my negative emotions are a 10 out of 10 on the pain scale. And the only thing that can really help with my emotions being a 10/10 is for someone to hold me in their arms while I break down sobbing. Often one of our Littles (traumatized child-parts) will come out during this process of having a breakdown and beg for verbal reassurance. They want to hear things like, "There there, it's going to be okay. I'm here. I've got you. I'm not leaving. You're safe here. I'll keep you safe. Nothing can hurt you. You're a good kid. It wasn't your fault." Etc etc etc. It's better than drugs, but we also have substance issues and if we can't get emotional comfort, drugs will suffice, I guess.

The problem is that for some stupid freaking reason, doing this whole comfort thing for someone else is emotionally painful. So if we have a favorite person, to whom we go at least every few days to have this (for us) blissfully cathartic experience, they're getting hurt by our pain. 

That's why the FPs always leave us. It hurts *them* to see *us* in pain and not getting any better, so they get frustrated and go.

WHERE IN THE MOTHERFLIPPING HECKIN FLIPMONKEYS DOES THIS LOGIC COME FROM???? WHY. JUST... JUST FLIPPING WHY?! 

Okay, so we have chronic, constant soul-pain that needs regular sessions of crying in someone's arms and being comforted like a small child. We feel like we're decaying inside if we don't get that at least every few days. You would think that anyone with a soul would be like, "Sure! I don't mind doing that! It's a very simple set of actions with very concrete steps and it's easy to say a few simple words!" But no, because it inexplicably causes the other party emotional pain. So much pain that, inevitably, they leave. So much pain that some of them-- thankfully a minority-- have called our behavior manipulative or abusive. It's not. It's like a panic attack except instead of panic the emotion that you're feeling is sadness. A sad attack. 

We have daily sad attacks, and this hurts OTHER people for some stupid reason.

Screw you, former FPs who are or claim to be hurt by this. Firstly, I promise we're hurting more, and secondly I'm asking genuinely and I honestly hope for a reply, WHY ARE YOU ALL LIKE THIS?!!

No seriously, why are they like this? They act like *they're* the ones having the flashbacks every couple days. *Jeeeez*

Even when we try to do it ourselves (and we have headmates that can and do soothe us when there's no one else around) it doesn't feel the same as someone outside the headspace saying it to us.  It's like we're more likely to believe an external voice saying soothing things than an internal one. So it doesn't work as well. Add to this the fact that we usually also have to do things like physical self-care in order to make ourselves feel better when it's only us, and it becomes clear that soothing ourselves vs having someone else soothe us is ineffective and too much effort. It's not like we're lazy; it's just that we CAN'T always get up and make ourselves some tea when we're paralyzed with memories and pain and all we really want is to lay there on the couch sobbing until our FP somehow materializes to comfort us.

A note to future FPs: just flipping comfort us. Make like Nike and just do it. It should not be this hard on you. If it is hard on you for some stupid flipping reason, pretend we're actors. Pretend you're an actor and your role is Comforter. As long as you don't *tell* me your sympathy isn't genuine, I won't even care. I just need the Reassurance and the Validation because they're better than anything.