The smarter you are the more you realize what a shitty and pretentious world this is, the more you see through the hollow pleasures of life people be engaging themselves in. I have an IQ higher than average and it makes me see right through people and their behaviors and how stupid and careless they can be. All my life I’ve struggled with trying to make friends and actually like people without forcing myself to just tolerate the way they think and behave but I can’t get myself to do that. I’m introverted and overly mindful of my own behaviors and thoughts and sometimes find it difficult to blend in with social groups, frankly because I’m just not as carefree as them! Everyone says I’m academically gifted and was naturally labeled the ‘nerd’ growing up. Titles like these actually shouldn’t make us feel as bad as they do because they’re just made up by people dumber than us so that they have something to feel good about by ridiculing others for the intelligence they’ll never have. I can also read people easily and often take leadership in situations I feel I understand better, and not to sound arrogant but more often than not, I turn out to be right because that’s just how my brain works! I can’t force myself to become stupider just so that people around me like me for being like them. So far I’ve never met one person who could relate to me in this regards. 
I’ve felt emotionally and mentally isolated all my life and growing up with strict conservative parents who want you to be like the other normal kids while also not wanting you to have the freedom you want hasn’t made it easier. 
So many days of my life I’ve lost to crying and feeling numb for no apparent reason, so many hours I’ve spent procrastinating and staring out my window because I feel all drained and burnt out by the vain activities of daily life. Sometimes it’s the little things like people not appreciating me enough and not realizing how special my mind is, that make me feel worthless and despised to be alive among people like them. The world really isn’t ready for the too intellectually evolved. I really do want to enjoy life by myself but I’m just overly sensitive to mean people and people who do not try to understand my stance and also situations that don’t turn out as I had planned for them to do. Oh the frustration-led crying I burst into every time even my own mom fails to understand what I’m going through even after I explicitly try to explain to her my emotions and thoughts.
This post is result of one such depressive episode that overruled me today, causing me to skip meals and lay in bed mindlessly scrolling through Instagram as a distraction to combat my gloomy uncontainable overthinking. I really hope I’m some day able to get myself the break I deserve and somehow relieve my brain of the stress and overthinking I’ve put it through.