I'm in the process of trying to understand how bipolar can manifest. The theory I've found that resonates is that Bipolar is a matter of processing speed as well as chemical Imbalance. So I've been comparing my brain to a overclocked CPU. Any sort of stress, anxiety or uncertainty inducing event causes my brain to speed up. Which doesn't seem so bad in the moment since I get a boost in creativity, vitality and passion that kinda helps me get through whatever is going on. On the flipside, once I'm settled and things become routine I begin to slow down which leads to boredom. Boredom leads to depression and apathy. However if I stay "overclocked" too long I begin to thermal throttle or burn out which leaves me barely functional. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I'm trying to rationalize this in a foolish attempt to gain control over my mental health without resorting to medication again. The last time I tried with Wellbutrin I'm pretty sure it made things worse.