hello everyone! hope you all are having a good day/night currently!! 

i just came home from school and two of my close friends asked me to join them for a study group at one of their houses. at first, i willingly said yes. but as time crept closer i started feeling pretty anxious about going there, i didn't want to leave my mother alone at home either, i also felt this weird feeling of impending doom? i don't have a single clue of how to describe it accurately in words but it felt like i was gonna die? i then told them about not wanting to go anymore. they seemed fine with it but i knew deep down they were annoyed with me. it was like i could read their minds, i knew they were judging me for how indecisive i am. i felt so guilty. 

i apologized to them and had the courage to tell them about my worsening anxiety. my only intentions were to prevent any misunderstandings they had about me and to avoid them from hating me. one of them already sort of knew i had social anxiety so she was super understanding about it. the other friend however, he doesn't know me that well. when i told them that my anxiety was getting worse it sounded like i was making up an excuse, and that i was attention seeking. i didn't know what other ways i could prevent them from hating and having misunderstandings of me. i'm scared of being hated by others. especially when they're the people you cherish a lot. i feel pretty shit now. 

did i make the right decision of telling them?