

I used to live with my grandparents and my siblings and I had to move out because of a suicide attempt. I thought that living with my parents would benefit me, but it probably turned out to be the opposite. Only a couple months after, I was diagnosed with depression. The symptoms only seemed to occur/ start once I moved in with them. My relationship with my parents have gone through quite alot. I'm the youngest of my siblings, so I often get special treatment. I still despise my parents  and despite confronting them about it, they still continue to treat me and my siblings unequally. There were also a couple times where my mother openly mocked me and my mental illness and called them "tantrums" in the past. Thankfully, they've somewhat recognized that what I'm currently experiencing is serious. They sort of know I'm depressed, but never really bothered to learn or ask for answers, on how to actually help me out. Whenever I have better days, my mother frequently asks me if I'm already "cured". It constantly feels like a slap in the face every time. I don't think they're actually taking it seriously. I could be at fault too. I never confessed about how bad it's gotten for fear of taking me to a psychiatrist, since we can't even afford to buy me the "cheapest" medication available. 

I started to think that they were perhaps incompetent when I started getting out of my room more. You couldn't even call the place that I live in a "house". It looks more like a warehouse. It barely gets cleaned, and there's always a mess left behind by my dad that he forgot to fix/ clean up. Most of the time, there's never food on the table. My mom works so she's barely home and just goes out to eat instead, so it's only me and my dad at home. I understand that my eating habits are terrible and I often starve myself, but they don't cook decent meals for themselves either. All the meals they cook are often just fried protein or low-effort meals and they barely cook actual nutritious food. I keep pestering them to just give our dogs away, because they don't feed them either. They make terrible financial choices and often settle for their "wants" and short-term items, rather than what they really need to invest on. They often procrastinate(?) and push tasks to do on the next day later, or just forget about them. 

My dad runs a store and there's barely any customer anyways. And he could always use that free time to perhaps make our living situation a bit better. But he doesn't. If there were problems that were bothering them, I wish they'd tell me than actually leaving me in the dark like this. I'm not sure about what to think anymore. It's hard to be in a better mindset when the place you're living in is actual shit to begin with. Am I being too selfish or needy?