[Yesterday I wrote about my disturbing experience of dissociation during a recent therapy session.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/6jdngf/is_it_safe_to_go_back_to_therapy/)

I was really scared to go back in case the same thing happened again however I was encouraged to return and try to discuss the experience.

So I went back today. I didn't actually need to bring the issue up myself because my therapist began the session by acknowledging the state I had been in last time and asking if there was anything he had said to contribute to it happening.

I had been thinking a lot about this in the days since that session and I thought perhaps I was triggered by a word he had used that I only associate with a person who abused me several times in the past. My therapist had no way of knowing the power of that word so it was a completely unintentional thing.

However, even though the session moved on from that debriefing, I found myself starting to dissociate again a LOT. This time he didn't say any word that set me off. It happened when I was talking about something much less focused in the past and much less traumatic.

Once again it became very hard to concentrate on what he was talking about and it became even more difficult to speak myself. It was like I was in a nightmare where you know you have to run from danger but are frozen in one spot (your feet won't move) and when you cry out, no sound comes out.

I left the session questioning whether I should ever go back. Then I started to feel so alone and suicidal to be honest. I went home and slept for hours.

So now I am wondering the following:

1. Is this level of dissociation damaging? I find it so scary. I worry I will never be able to speak again and never find my way back to reality.

2. Is it possible my therapist is a bad fit for me? I can't tell if he is a genius and is finally helping me process childhood trauma or whether he's completely clueless and I should run for safety. (That's some good old black and white thinking right there!)

I'm pretty sure I will go back because I think he has a lot of experience with this kind of issue and with people like me. I trust him. So...

3. Is there anything I can do to avoid this happening next session? Please do comment if you have any thoughts or suggestions about this! I need help.