I missed tonight's new year event at work because I didn't like how looked in the mirror after trying on a thousand outfits. The way I see, I'm very skinny 178cm 55kg.and I have no curves. I don't have eating disorder other than the times I can't eat when I'm anxious. I was skinny as a kid. I grew up people(including my family) telling me to eat something, how I skinny I was, calling me names about my skinny legs and arms for years. They didn't stop even when I was in my 20s. I'm 30 now. I grew up and the way I see myself stops me from attending public events especially like tonight's where everyone is going to be pretty. Ends up everytime with tears in my pyjamas. 

I don't know how to love my body. I don't know how to love myself. So thank you everyone who fucked up my mind for years.