I have bipolar 2 and suspected borderline. I’ve let it all out with a few friends and they’ve dropped me. 

One, a coworker who was very supportive when I was going through a rough mixed episode that made me want to divorce my husband. I told her about my abrupt change in sexuality and that I guess I always liked women, and now I wanted to leave my husband for my physical therapist. When I stayed with my husband, she did not stay my friend. And that’s okay—I let things out that I should have kept more guarded. 

Another friend that I had a crush on (sorta a limerence object/favorite person thing), who I related to because were both queer but in hetero relationships AND have mental health conditions. I got too dependent on her, wanted to talk to her more than she wanted to talk to me, and she basically made it clear that she was not encouraging our friendship. She moved without telling me and that was the end of that. 

Now my “best friend” of 23 years needs a break because she finally spent more than a few hours with me (actually ten straight days) and she was frustrated to see what I’m like. I was trying to perk up for our trip but also be genuine when I wasn’t feeling well. This was coming 3.5 months after my BP2 diagnosis and the hell of switching from antidepressants to new meds. I wanted my closest friend to see what is going on, that I would want to know if my friend was in the shitter. She flat out told me that she didn’t understand why I can’t “suck it up.” So, yeah. I need a break too.

Guess I can only count on my husband to be the person that can know me most fully. He has seen me at my worst and doesn’t want to leave. Thank god for that. But can I ever be close to friends the way I want to be?