Hey everyone, 

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I'm in a bit of a messed up situation here and am trying to understand what it's like in the mind of someone with BPD.  She was diagnosed with BPD and did some pretty terrible things in front of her kids (10 and 14) when during her "episodes" or "crisis".  She told them she was abandoning them and would go kill herself, said a whole bunch of mean things to the spouse..     She blames everything on the medication dosage being inadequate (seroquel 200mg slow release, and she takes extra, around 100 or 200mg  when she feels an episode coming up) and was hospitalised for 4 of the last 6 weeks (in and out) due to suicide threats... 

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I was part of the episodes (possibly the trigger as well..) and here's how I saw them.  Does this seem to be in line with what a BPD episode is like?  She spoke to me after (same night or the day after) and said she had no control whatsoever... which seemed a bit surprising because as soon as 911 was called and she realized they were coming, she sat down.  

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Is there any chance that medication could help a bit?   The kids are stuck in the middle of this, definitely not something they should be dealing with.   Their mom leaving in handcuffs on december 24th wasn't fun. Nor the 5 police cars trying to localise her car last night after she said she was going to kill herself. 

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Description of the “episodes” 

* She’ll get emotional about something I said, did or that she has misheard.  Then it looks like she “snaps”, and gets angry.  (she’ll take a few pills) but once that is underway, there is NO WAY you can reason with her: 
   * She says go away, don’t stay so close. I go in living room and she says “once again you’re leaving instead of staying, come back and talk!”
   * She is convinced that everything she heard was correct. Even if there are witnesses (Jeremy for example), she’ll say that I manipulated him to lie to her, that we’re all against her
   * She’ll self injure, hit her head on the wall or door frame. I even saw her put her head in the door jamb and slam the door on her head.  She’ll hit things, the punching bag ended up bloody.
   * I stay calm as much as I can, do not fuel the fire yet she’ll say that I’m making everything worse with my attitude
   * What she does really looks like a 3yo having a tantrum.  Doesn’t listen, it’s everybody else’s problem, she’ll shake her head, stomp the floor, move her limbs.  
   * If she asks a question, no matter what I say, if she doesn’t like the answer, it’s because I did not answer properly. She can’t accept my answers
   * She threatens a lot of things,including suicide, self-harm, sometimes violence (happened once)
   * She realises that kids aren’t far away, yet will still yell things that they shouldn’t hear…  but if I am the one that says something, she’ll say “shut up the kids are listening. Why are you saying things like that when they can hear?”..
   * She’ll repeat the same thing quite frequently.   In her first crisis (before medication), she was humming the same song over and over.  
   * It takes a long time before things get better.  Thursday night: it lasted 2 ½ hour, Friday was about 1 ½ hour
   * At some point she comes back down, but still isn’t herself for a while
   * Everyone else is EVIL (distrust / suspiciousness? ).  
   * She feels like everyone hates her.  
   * She has two modes,  she either feels:
      * Worthless: she wants to run away, leave the kids with me because I can take care of them much better 
      * Superior:  I am the one who should leave because I am a selfish asshole who will mess up the kids if they stay with me 
   * After the “episode”, she seems to realize that she wasn’t herself.  and says that she had no control..  
   * And the day after, she's sorry and tells us we should forget everything... 

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Thanks

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