Depressed for at least 6 years and married for two. It was a quick courtship and I don't think my husband knew what he was in for, although I didn't hide my depression at all. He keeps on trying to get me to 'improve my life' when I've tried everything (exercising, eating healthy, did activities, put myself out there etc). But now I'm sick of it and just want to sleep and distract myself all day, and he's getting increasingly tired of having to help me through my bad days.

I don't want to keep disappointing him. I would rather be alone than be a burden. I'm slightly envious too that he lives his life normally with friends, activities etc when I've never known a life free from anxiety and depression. I wish I had someone who understood how it feels like to just not want to exist and derive no pleasure from life. I wish I married someone more supportive or a fellow survivor who understands.