Okay so I'm pretty new to reddit so I'm sorry if any of this is wrong but I just need to express myself somewhere.
I'm also pretty new to bpd or at least the idea of it anyway which I think is part of the problem. I don't know if how I feel is a 'normal' part of bpd or if its me or him...(also I just read this post back and I'm sorry it's so long) 

I've been with my partner for almost 5 years and I just don't know if it's ever going to be right. He's a lovely guy but he has no motivation, no real life skills, no goals. I have to basically mother him to get anything done, like he's been off work since Feb but not applied for a single job. I apply for jobs for him while I'm at work. 

I have to prompt him to help me round the house or do any chores and even when he does it he's got an attitude about it. I've never been particularly motivated myself so to have to try and motivate both of us is hard.

He smokes tobacco and cannabis. Before we moved into together I had never smoked even though my friends and some of my family did. Now my emotions depend on whether or not we have weed in the house. I have to have a joint when I get home from work or my mood plummets.

We've never got any money because he's not working and so much of our income goes on weed. We've run out of tobacco now and he's just unbearable. He gets so worked up about it and I feel like it's all aimed at me but I'm doing my best  

I have a lot of issues and I'm not saying that I'm a dream to live with but I feel like I'm putting him first all the time, before my family, friends and before myself. 

I think I love him but then I'm not really sure what love even means. Maybe I'm just dependent on him. Then the whole bpd thing sits on top and just confuses things even more. Maybe I'm with him because he loves me and I'm terrified of being alone. Better the devil you know and all that.

We've had an argument today because I was getting stressed in the shops. We couldn't afford the items I'd picked up so I told him to go put them back. I thought I was going to have a panic attack and was probably being off with him and he said 'next time you can just go on your own'. I got upset and told him we were going to end up splitting up. He said we weren't so I told him I couldn't stand him and he should just fuck off. He ended up walking home. 

Now I'm laid in bed and he's downstairs on the xbox like nothings even happened. I feel so lost. 

TL;DR: I had an argument with my partner and I don't think we work well together. I don't know if it's because he's not right for me or because of my bpd and I don't know what to do. Am I just doomed to be miserable or is he just not the right person to make me happy? 