I've been depressed my whole life..things I realized were trivial such as looks and other peoples' opinions I got over, but I'm so scared I won't make it in life. I hate procrastinating but I can't help it. I'm so tired but I want to be productive which I can't because I'm depressed. There's a huge lump in my throat, my eyes are all swollen because I've been crying all day. My body won't move. I've already skipped my classes. Its been 4 fucking hours. I've got nothing done. I can't breathe...I want to tell someone what I've been going through but theres nobody...only fuckers who'll laugh and use it for jokes, people such as my mom, dad, my whole family including relatives. I have no friends, I can't trust anyone. Lately I've lost interest in my life-long hobbies, I've been trying to focuse more on work and simultaneously getting exponentially stressed because I can't get anything done. 

I know its silly but I aspire to be become a gynecologist..which seems impossible even now because my dad is impossible to work with. I'm usually a hardworker. I'm a go-getter and get things done earlier than others. I'm not going too fast, like my dad claims... I just work hard. What really broke me was the fact that he wouldn't allow me to take advanced classes. Said that I should go slow like the rest of the people and won't allow me to pursue my academic interests.

My dad's logic is that I should avoid my interests because of GPA. When I told him otherwise of course he went crazy and screamed about how I'll fail every test. Though now I don't care about what he feels about me, I'm so numb I can't even take in emotional abuse. 

 I'm getting held down academically and I'm depressed. I've already made up my mind If I don't become a gynecologist I'll just commit suicide because I really have nothing else in life. No friends, no looks, no money, nobody who believes in me.