Along with my BPD, I struggle with agoraphobia and PTSD. It's ruining my life. Literally, not hyperbolically, not in the BPD-Downward-Spiral sense, literally ruining my life. I will likely lose my job because I keep taking time off. Can't leave the house without my boyfriend. Blew off therapy for weeks. I'm so lonely and isolated but I can't fucking do it. I can't be anywhere on my own. I used to be more independent but a triggering situation happened and it's consuming my life again. 

I even try to make friends online but I don't have social media - I had a group of friends I played an online game with but the "leader" of our group was an abusive, toxic asshole and I finally had enough called him out and I'm being ostracized. I'm a hermit even in the online world. 

Everything is so overwhelming. I haven't been showering regularly. I only eat if my boyfriend makes food/takes me to get something. I can't even pick out clothes for myself - I just wear the same outfit, or rotate through 2-3 if I'm washing my regular clothes. 

I have an appointment with my therapist on Monday but she recommended I get another therapist closer to me... the fucking abandonment trigger is real, guys. I have been seeing her for years and I know her advice is purely based on my own therapeutic needs (I do need someone closer to me who I can see 2-3 times a week) but it still (illogically) hurts. 

Help.