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* I'm accepting that I have to stop running from my past, who I am and reality.
* I accept the fact that I have BPD.  I feel frustrated that I have not yet figured out how to heal it. It has been years. However, I have learned skills I didn't know before, know things that help and hurt. Coping strategies. 
* I am trying to change my diet (small steps...)
* Living in my parents house as an adult is a lot of triggers.
* Ignoring my issues feels like burning alive and facing them feels like a warm fire in a cool, frost-bitten winter that blows in your face but that fucking fire is just a few more steps away.
* I am longing to engage in life and for connection to something, mostly myself, and to others.
* I can feel authentic, angry, aroused depressed, grateful, sad, happy, ashamed, peaceful, neurotic, grounded, disassociated, joyful, rage.
* Suppressing is the default, this upsets me deeply, I know expressing who I am and accepting and dealing with my feelings and the situations that cause them is the way out. But suppressing is my wiring and will take time to change.
* Reality is not something that's unfortunately avoidable.
* I am scared of showing being transgender/gender not-conforming, but I know that I always have been, The past trauma, showing femininity has always signified pain and getting hurt. I have to face that slowly in order to be happy. The trauma won't go away over night but I know it can fade with presence.
*  I must process it and live a life that includes pain and getting hurt but also relief and getting loved.
* It's time to start loving more and to drop the bags.