I have bpd and rolled into substance abuse as a way of coping. Because of this i could no longer see my therapists as long as i was under the influence of substances. The team that treats me for bpd, arranged that i could go to rehab. The rehab would only take 3 weeks. But i was so scared and angry, i couldn't stop sobbing. We arrived at the rehab facility and i became so terrified of the fact that i would no longer be in charge of my own life, i didn't trust them. I started kicking chairs and screaming crying saying i didn't want this. I than
ran back to my car and started screaming i wanted to go home, and didn't want to do this. Eventually the rehab facility caved in and let me go home
Now I feel massive regret shame and guilt, how effing stupid of me to not accept this massive opportunity for me to better my life. I want to get rid of the substance abuse, but I don't know how the heck i would do that by myself. I should've atleast tried the rehab.