The other evening I was having an episode (usually involving panic and fear and banging my head against a wall til it dies down) about something or other in bed while he was next to me reading his phone. It had been going on for quite a while.  I was telling myself to shush to try and self soothe when all of a sudden I heard a nasty, vindictive shhh in the same style from behind me. I asked him why are you copying me? And he feigned ignorance.  I was then telling myself it’s ok, it’s ok, and again I heard the voice, it sounded like it was mocking me in a cruel way.  

When he denied copying me again, in a way that indicated I was pissing him off for asking again, it snapped me right out of the episode and I’d jumped to the other side of the room in shock that I’d been having hallucinations.  When he realised how scared I was he started to suggest that maybe he had said something, but he couldn’t remember.  I know him well enough to know when he’s lying, and I’m sure he was lying at every point during that, and he was cruelly mocking me. 

Things have been a little strained since then.  On Wednesday he basically told me he didn’t think me banging my head against a wall was self harming, and that self harming was really only cutting yourself - what I was doing was simply frustration (my head is lumpy as shit).  This lead to a huge row over text ending with him saying he feels totally disrespected by me for the first time ever and he can’t put up with me today.  I tried saying night and putting it right, and was getting nothing back.  He must’ve seen I was online and only told me that I wouldn’t sleep if I was up waiting for him to reply.  It’s Friday evening now and he hasn’t spoken to me since.  Obviously with this condition I’m finding that horrendous to deal with - this is the longest we’ve gone without communicating ever. 

But my concern is the way he behaved about the auditory hallucinations; he’s not a gaslighter, at least he hasn’t been in the past. But he does seem to have given up. 