I’ve been dating my boyfriend (pwBPD) for about 5 months now. I do not have BPD. 

I have to say things have been great. Before becoming serious, I made sure I was in a good place to be dating him. I had suffered from depression and anxiety a lot of my life and had recently gotten to a point of actual stability. 

When I first started researching BPD, it was scary. I stumbled upon a support group coming out of specifically toxic relationships with BPD significant others or family/friends. But I realized that I can’t treat those experiences as defining facts for BPD as everyone experiences BPD differently. 

Every day I learn new things on my own and new things that are specific to my boyfriend.

I love him… so much. I can see that he suffers but he tries so hard to better himself every day. He listens to me intently and respects my boundaries. We have hard conversations without getting offended or defensive and encourage each other and reassure each other that both our opinions are valuable even if they’re different. 

I fall in love with him more and more every day. And it’s the first relationship where I’ve truly felt this way. And I am afraid?

Everything is going right but why do I feel so scared the more I fall in love? I know that we share a healthy relationship but why do I keep saying ‘what if.’ 

I keep thinking, his ex cheated on him, how can he actually trust me? 

We live so far apart… what if he finds someone who he can actually see more often? 

What if he gets bored of me? 

What if he discards me? 

Those stories that I read keep creeping back up at the back of my mind. And I know it’s not a one size fits all… and he has done nothing for me to doubt his love. When I read articles and books on it, I keep wondering… will those situations ever pop up in our relationship? 

I’m mad that I have these worries. 

I felt confident that I had a healthy mindset going into this relationship and we definitely practice a healthy relationship. So why?

It feels like I’m so happy that that I’m afraid that a rug will be ripped out from underneath me. 

I used to have an anxious attachment style growing up. I used to be so afraid of losing people because they never stuck around. When I went to college, I got proper help and for the first time in my life, I felt secure in friendships and romantic relationships. But it feels like my anxious attachment style is bubbling up again.