hi there, i don’t have bpd myself so i apologize if any part of this post comes off ignorant to the experience. I hope this helps me better understand how it is living, dealing with all of the struggles BPD causes and ways I can better working things out with my girlfriend moving forward. 

I’m 16, and since may I’ve been talking to a girl but because she was in a bit of a depressive spot around the time we met, we stuck together and waited until she felt more emotionally ready to delve into a relationship. We’ve been dating around a month now, and honestly there’s been some points where I felt there wasn’t really a spark romantically, but at times when our attention is focused on each other, I feel completely gushy and incredibly happy. I wasn’t sure if she still felt like she wanted to date at some points, but i took her word and i’m glad I did because moments like a call we had earlier made it worth it.

I do wish that she was more honest with how she feels at times, it seems like she really guards herself off when she’s feeling down and when i ask how she’s doing she more often than not says she’s good but the tone of her messages doesn’t really seem like it. A few times i’ve asked, she said she’s okay but on her instagram private story it was made clear that she was feeling over the edge or really down. I’ve tried to let her know i’m open to offer help during emotional lows, and i think more recently she’s been slowly more open, saying she’s sad rather than okay at times, so i’m really happy for that.

but more recently i’ve been noticing more signs that her friend is her FP, and i know rationally that she can’t control it that much, but the jealous part of me wishes that we had a mutual feeling of exclusivity and being the most important person to each other, even if that desire is selfish of me to want. I don’t want to be the jealous partner, but there was one thing that really messed with me kind of. we never really had a talk about exclusivity and all that so i’m not whether this is something I have the right to be upset over, especially because the way i found it was looking on the friend’s account myself which was a bit creepy. i went to their page and in a post made a few days ago from when i saw it, she jokingly commented “sex now” and then “omw!” when they replied the same thing. 

I know it was a joke and I trust her to never actually do anything more, but i’m not sure they even know she and I are dating. There’s other minor things, like a picture of them together being her phone wallpaper and them being pinned at the top of her messaging app but not myself, but those aren’t that much of a problem, more just of me being jealous.
 
I could be completely overthinking and this could be just toxic clinginess, but i’m wondering if this is normal, especially with BPD, and i’m just being too over-attached. Feel completely free to let me know i’m in the wrong. Typing this out, I realize a lot of this was caused by my own jealousy and tendency to be too dependent on others. Just looking for advice and to understand how having an FP different from your own partner may affect things :)