When my FP tells me that she doesn't want to move in with me anymore, I know I’m supposed to say that I wish that she would, but if she doesn't want to, I’ll be okay.

When she tells me that a guy asked her out and she’s not sure about her feelings for him, then I'm supposed to listen to her and help her figure out how she does feel.

And I do tell her those things
But none of them are what I want to say.

I want to tell her how important she is in my life. How she’s almost the only thing that makes me happy anymore. I want her to know how special and amazing she is and I want her to want to be with someone who appreciates that. I want her to want to be with me.

I want to tell her that she deserves to be with someone better. I want to tell her that a long-distance relationship like that won't work. But I don't know if either of those things are true; I don't even know the guy. I want her to want to be with me.

I want to hug her. I want to hold onto her so tight and spend every day with her. I want to see her in the morning before she goes to college or work and at night when she gets back. I want to be what she looks forward to. I want to spend every free second with her. I want to hold her hand and watch movies with her and tell her everything I know about them and I want to make her breakfast in the morning before she wakes up and give it to her before she has to leave. I want to spend all my time with her; I want to give all my time to her.

But I know that’s not what's best for her. That's not what would make her happy. She deserves someone she wants just as much as I want her. She deserves to find love, and I’m not that love. I'm a pathetic asshole, and I don't even deserve to be her friend. I'm petty and jealous and I can't control myself and it's unhealthy for her to be with me in any way at all.

She deserves someone better.