I left my boyfriend of 5 years. I am so in love with him but he won’t respect me and in turn that causes his friends and family to disrespect me.  I couldn’t take always being manipulated and lied to. Ther e is so much love there but he doesn’t know how to love properly. His love is controlling and manipulative. I moved across the country and threw my whole life away when we got back together and now I’m starting over with basically nothing. He is still acting manipulative. The thing is after being in that situation so long the manipulation still works for a while. Every morning I wake up panicking because he’s not here and I realize that we probably will never be able to make it work because he just isn’t willing to. Every night when it gets dark it just fills me with sadness. It’s like my body and my mind are still just waiting for him to come home every day. 


I wrote the top part out then went back to sleep just to have another flashback and be woken up in a panic attack. How do I make this stop