i was diagnosed with bdp, bipolar 2, ptsd, depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and panic disorder in my teens. i'm now almost 24 trying to kick my awful substance abuse habits but here i am, on reddit right after work, already drunk. i cant hold down a job.

 i almost cut myself badly last night because my bf was hanging with friends and one of them was a pretty girl.

 i smoke cigs whenever i can (quit buying packs 2 months ago, now i vape 6mg but i'll bum cigs off people). i get addicted to anything so fast. i just want to be numb and happy. but i can't be because of bpd. it causes fights with the bf and splitting and i want to just marry the kid. idk what to do anymore to kick all my addictions. i want to be sober and happy. but i love weed and alcohol and cigs, pills, whippets... you get the point. 

Anyone have advice for a borderline in a good relationship but ruining it with their addictions?