I know I'm probably severely depressed and should probably get help. The only problem is that I don't care any more. I hate my life, but I like being alive, hopefully that makes sense. No one can hate me more than I hate myself. I've messed up my life, and I am mostly to blame. I have passed on opportunities that could have made a big difference in my life. There have been many times I have acted on impulse and hurt people, worst of all my own family. My actions have been selfish, and I didn't care about the impact that they would have on others. I am a terrible person. 

Lately, I have given up some of the things I enjoy like watching television, movies, and playing video games. I still like to listen to music, and for the last few months I have taken up reading for hours on end. Reading helps to escape from reality, but it can be difficult for me to concentrate. I am on antidepressants, and they did help for a while, now I wonder if I need to be on something stronger. Especially for my anxiety, because that really sucks as well.

I suffer from minor epileptic seizures and am on medication, but that isn't working. The neurologist I see says that they may never know what causes my seizures, and there probably won't ever be a cure. Because of my seizures I lost my job, I am not allowed to drive, because public transportation triggers my anxiety I stopped going to D&amp;D, which is some distance away, and now I have no friends. I live with my elderly mother and have very little contact with the rest of my family. They don't care about me anyway.

To top it all off, I have an eating disorder, I am a comfort eater, a constant grazer, and am obese. I had a minor heart attack three years ago when I was 38yo. My health sucked even before I started to have the seizures. 

I have isolated myself in my room and hardly ever leave. It is rare for me to step outside the house. I'm afraid that if I try to put myself out into the world because I will just end up failing again, and getting hurt. Trust me, I have tried getting help through health services, their funding is limited, so there is no long term support. 

There are people who are worse off than me, I know. I hate it when people tell me that because somehow that is supposed to make me feel better. It sucks when the people I talk to about my problems just don't get it. I wonder if anyone truly cares.

Well, that's mostly it. I will be interested whatever people have to say about my situation. Seriously, I'd like help because it sucks feeling helpless all the time. What's the solution?