Have you ever cried even harder when you’re told “you’re not a burden” or “you’re loved”, simply because in your heart you don’t feel that you deserve those statements? 

I’m probably going to delete this..because…well because how loud is my voice really in this sea of countless others? It doesn’t matter, nothing matters… I’m 25 years old and I’m spiraling back into my major depressive state from high school. 

I love my family, but I am a burden to them, costing them time and money at every turn. Now that I’m recently unemployed after only holding down a soul crushing corpo job two months with my last job being years before, things are going to be harder…it just feels like…this is life…it just, gets harder. Is this what it’s all about? 

Those things that bring me joy and happiness are fleeting…eating is difficult, sleeping is easy. Exercise is all I have but even that is starting to go south. 

In a couple hours I’ll eat a marijuana gummy and delete this…and then think about how I want to blurt it all out again.