I just wanted to talk about my therapist. I’ve been thinking about breaking up with my partner of a year and a half. We live together, and he’s been on my nerves lately and he recently destroyed all trust I had in him. Then, my coworker became my FP and now I can’t stop thinking about him. 

I couldn’t tell why I wanted to leave my partner. If it was because I really didn’t love him anymore, or if it was because I am so focused on my FP. 

She asked me to write a pros and cons list. She then told me that the cons sound a lot like deal breakers and the pros are not unique to my partner, and maybe talking to my FP is giving me that realization - that I can date another music fanatic who listens and cares and is funny and kind and smart, but who also pulls their financial weight and cleans up after themself and has a little more control over their life. 

She gave me advice to start sleeping in my room (we both have separate bedrooms but I’ve been spending most nights in his), and move all my stuff from his room (I leave my journals and chargers and such in there for when I sleep there). And after a few nights of sleeping in my own bed and having all my stuff in one place, I already feel so much more in control of my life! No matter if I stay with my partner, my therapist put me on track to feel like I’m in control again. 

I also told her I feel like I’m a bad person because of my BPD and past, and that I deserve bad things. She didn’t tell me “you’re not a bad person” or “everyone deserves good things.” Those words don’t work for me. Instead, she said, “what can you do now that makes you a better person?” So now I have a journal going where I write down one nice thing I’ve done for someone every day. I already feel myself healing a little bit. It’s so relieving. Yeah. She’s wonderful.