i’m not the person to diagnose myself with things. i don’t believe in self diagnosis. however, i’ve noticed i have many/most of the standard symptoms of bpd and would like to know if it’s something i should be concerned about. 

here is some background: i have been diagnosed with ocd, if that’s important. i’ve had it as long as i can remember but only received the diagnosis in 2021, a little over a year ago. 

onto the real issues at hand: ive been in a loving, caring relationship with my boyfriend for over a year, but my massive mood swings and fighting issues have made our relationship very rocky. now he’s not the best at relationships either, which sometimes causes the fights, but it’s mostly my fault. we’ve broken up many times before just for him to get back with me an hour or less later. he loves me and wants to be with me, but finds me difficult to manage.

i can blow up over the slightest thing. inside and outside my relationship. sometimes i’ll have random bouts of happiness for like an hour but it’ll soon leave and i’ll be back to normal. ive only noticed this recently. im ashamed to admit this but i’m very mean when i argue with him. i scream and yell and insult him and he almost always puts up with it and just calmly leaves. i’m always hysterical and sobbing and screaming. 

here’s the bad obsessive issue. whenever he breaks up with me and blocks me, i call him from different numbers, message him from different social media accounts, and one time, im very upset with myself for this, i basically threatened to off myself.  once i couldn’t get ahold of him after he “broke up with me” (but didn’t block me?) for an hour, and i screamed and cried and hit myself and attempted to look for pills that could end me in the house. i feel insane for this. 

now he always comes back to me because he loves me. he’d never lie and i ask if he’s only staying with me because of the threat i made, and he says no, it’s “because he loves me,” and i believe him, but i still feel bad that i did that. he even tried to leave me again after that, and i had to hold back the urge to make the threat again. he gave me another chance though. we have a lot of love for each other, but it’s always ruined by my obsessiveness and i feel crazy. 

the other symptoms i experience are that i can be pretty impulsive, im so afraid of being left by him, i have explosive and horrible fits of anger, and can go from hating myself to being okay with myself. every couple weeks it’s different. i have sex whenever i get the chance, when i’m stressed out.

i don’t wanna be diagnosed on here. i know it’s not allowed and none of you are professionals, but i want to see if this is worth discussing with a therapist and if it sounds like i may be right. thanks.