My mental health feels like its been rapidly declining the past few months.
I moved back home recently bc cost of living/housing was getting too high, oh and I just quit my "good" job/ended a good paying career after dedicating 6 years plus some including school... because it was too much for me to handle (I also hated it). I now work in a dead end job (retail) just to pay bills. I can barely pay for stuff that I enjoy or go travel.
Also in my first LDR and I feel like my mental health has been affecting my S.O. I feel like I've hurt them so many times with things I say in the moment.. I really don't know why they still stick with me despite all the emotional trauma I've put them through. I dont deserve them.
I talk to my partner about my feelings but I know I should talk to a therapist but hah can't afford any. I feel like they're exhausted at me at this point and I've told them I would understand if they wanted to break up for their own mental health. 

I dont have any friends as I'm very introverted and also my friends I consider close live in a different city or state. 

But yeah I've been crying a lot at night.
Last few days I've been thinking about just disappearing and hurting myself. (I've a history if SH in high school)
I just want to go to sleep and never wake up so it'll be easier. 
Why am I like this. I hate myself a lot these days. Why couldn't I have a normal brain or be happy. 
I'm so tired of feeling this way I'm so tired of being sad. I want it all to end.