it’s actually stressing me out i don’t have suicide notes written for everyone, i want to give personal letters to a handful of people for when i finally do it . just to keep on hand . i’m so mentally i’ll and it’s ruined my life , i’ve become so obsessive over someone comparing every part of my life to them . i think they’re just like me but i know im subconsciously the one copying me . weird , anyways im just rambling . i have a checkup with my doc next week about my medication , i want to tell her im on edge but don’t want her to worry . she keeps pushing therapy but it’s so difficult to talk about how depressed i am . i have to write out what i’m feeling and have her read it because saying it with my own voice makes me feel like i’m choking . i just want it to end . i wonder if i can get her to write me for something strong so i can od