I miss the fuck outta you kid,
 
I miss everything about you. The sex was the best of my life and I never had a guy treat me so good. We used to stare into each others eyes for the longest time, you were different than anyone I ever met. I love you and I wish I had more to give you. I wanted to make it work, I did.

I know I’m sick but you cannot deny the fact that I really did try. Idk what it was exactly that set you off. Or maybe you weren’t serious from the start. The fact that you couldn’t admit you were wrong in the end told me a lot though. We were both intelligent manipulators. And I was smart enough to out manipulate you in the end. You played yourself and you know if you ever came back, I would remind you of just that. 

I wish we could enjoy the same things. I feel like I’ve never vibed with anyone so well in my life. I seriously didn’t wanna let you go. But I knew I had to let go of the fear, stop fighting and allow it to happen. I’m not a self fulling prophecy, I let you break up with me. 

I found your letter pathetic. I can’t help but admit that I love being in control of your emotions. I did it to make you feel good and I’d turn around and do it to make you feel bad. I had your ego in the palm of my hand and I had the power to pull the strings. I miss that. I wish I could turn my selfish mischievous ways into something that brought you up. I feel like once I stopped doing that though, thats when you left. You said it yourself your were masochistic, I don’t even think you know you do this, thats why your therapist had to tell you you were indeed masochistic. You also thought you found someone to blame all your issues on, but you know in the end I wasn’t the problem, but I’ll let you walk away thinking that. Once I stopped manipulating you, once I stopped treating you like shit, you were gone, you had no one to blame for your issues, but yourself. 

I didn’t know what to do. Just like my mother, she only catered to me or gave me attention when I treated her like shit. But I didn’t want to treat her like this, I had to walk away from her in the end, there was no other way with her. 

I let you go and I let you leave thinking you were in the right. I miss you and I love you. I wish there was someway to treat you right without you walking away. I feel like once I stopped playing insecure games, you got bored and made up excuses. It breaks my heart to think that you have issues and are struggling to. I wish I could help but I can’t. 

I would give it a second chance honestly. I would accept your flaws. This loneliness is boring. 

I could see you were struggling internally and what ever this was it was outta my control. I loved you. 

I makes me sad to think you may have not enjoyed this relationship as much as I did. You don’t compare to anyone else. I could talk to you for hours. I miss your company. I miss laughing with you. We’re so similar in someways. 

I can’t think to myself that I fucked this up. I know there were things that I shouldn’t have done, but I also know that wouldn’t have stopped you from leaving. We did not vibe enough in the end. I knew that you wanted someone to blame, and I knew once I stopped giving you that, it was over. 

I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life. I feel like you never really cared now that you’re gone. You weren’t honest with me. It hurts that you just drop me and walk away like that. It makes me feel like this whole thing was fake and temporary and maybe it was. This whole relationship honestly made me second guess if love even exists or not. In my opinion its an illusion for the most part. There is always a give and a get and obviously there wasn’t enough of that in our relationship. 

My mind still doesn’t want to admit something so good fell apart. Something I honestly never thought I’d find. Something that happend when I wasn’t even looking for it. I don’t want anybody else. I hate that me out of your life is probably good for you but I know its true. 

I sincerely wish you the best