I literally am stuck in a limbo. I don’t want to off myself, not right now… (I have in the past, I know what that feels like.), but I literally feel so numb. I’ve never felt like this. I just stay home and cry until I have to work. I’m only working part time right now, so I’ll basically cry until like 30 minutes before I have to leave and then I’ll shower and get myself together for like 5 hours then come back home and immediately go back to bed. Like the numbness is that I can’t even tell you why I’m crying. I just know I’m losing it. Spiraling. I’m scared of it getting worse. I don’t want to be suicidal again. I just want to run away from everyone and everything. I have no one. I’m living with my mom right now. Just moved back home. I tried to kind of tell her how I feel. She told me that I’m just always so dramatic…. Then I told her that she clearly doesn’t understand, and that I know it’s hard to hear, but something is wrong with me. She then started screaming and crying and telling me that I can’t do this to her…. That if I really feel like that she’s taking me somewhere to check me in this weekend. 


I don’t want that. I just need someone to listen. Besides a therapist. I feel like people just tolerate me. I have goals and dreams that I’ve never even attempted to touch. I just feel worthless and that I don’t deserve anything. 

I have no one. My friends are all married and moved. It’s like my entire life so far has been happening, but I’m in a clear box…. Just watching everything take place, but I can’t move anywhere. I’m stuck. Like I’ve been present things, but the memories I have are just picture that I don’t remember taking. 


I know this is a stupid post and I’m sorry… I know so many people have so many other things going on that are much worse than this. I’m just scared and insanely lonely.