My school has been mostly online this year due to the pandemic, but this new course requires us to physically go to school because it's a vocational school and we're learning printing.

I haven't passed my last two courses because of the big workloads and the tests causing me huge anxiety, which I've been talking about with the school psychiatrist. After I didn't pass the last one, I felt awful and didn't feel like leaving my house. That's when I got a message that the next course be at school for the most part, at least for the first few weeks or so. It's been a week and I haven't showed up. I was about to go yesterday, but the thought of my friends questioning where I've been, the teacher probably having a bad impression of me, not understanding anything and having to ask for help even if it's my own fault for skipping, I just can't do it.

I know I could message the teacher and explain what's going on, but this is a new teacher I haven't met before. I already have a hard time sending even ordinary messages to teachers I do know, new teachers are just impossible. I can't talk about it with family either since they'd just be annoyed that I am still having issues at school even after over two years of looking for the right place. I feel really unsure over if this place is right for me either. I will be meeting up with the psychiatrist, but I don't know when since she is trying to get a hold of the teacher in charge of my class for a meeting with the three of us and I haven't heard from her yet.

I know this is just a "well you just have to do it" kinda situation, but I just can't do it anymore. I've lost that skill over the last few years. I'm just tired and want to life the way I want.