(Just for clarification this post isn't SH related, the way I use "relapse" is meant more as me slipping back into unhealthy BPD habits)

Posting on this account because my FP uses Reddit regularly and we follow each other on here. Anyways, the last time I posted here was about just over a month ago, immediately after we broke up for the time being. We promised to stay friends and regularly keep in touch because we're both still very important people to each other and still care for each other a lot. I thought over this myself over whether or not this would be the best thing for my own emotional healing process, but after a little while of consideration, I decided I was okay keeping things the way they were. Which meant us occasionally watching shows together, texting probably 1-2 times a day, all that. Well anyways, after the first week of May, we started drifting I'd say a little further apart from each other? And surprisingly it didn't trouble me at all. I thought of him everyday and I missed him, sure, but I didn't feel mind-numbing crippling anxiety every second of everyday over his whereabouts and how he was doing and that classic fear of abandonment that every BPD person knows and hates kicking in (except one time he did go an entire week without texting me and I got worried, but that was just because it was extremely unusual for him to not text me within a week's time). I feel like the reason behind that is because I was so busy with school winding down and me working so much, I was pretty distracted from worrying about him which was the best I had felt mentally in.. quite some time.

Well anyways, this past week, my FP started texting me more frequently. Which made me really happy! I genuinely missed hearing from him and was hoping that he was doing okay. He started giving me updates on his life, telling me about how he had gotten his vaccine, how he had started HRT, how he had gotten new pets and also how he was really behind on school and had to get caught up. He also started talking about how much he missed us hanging out and watching shows/movies together, which I equally missed. I just missed being in his presence... I thought I was doing well with the whole emotional recovery and healing process, I just didn't think I'd find myself slipping back into my previous unhealthy habits...

Well, I have. This past week he would text me while I was at work talking about how he missed me and how he wanted to watch shows when I came home, and me thinking back to how long it had been since we had watched shows together and I had gotten to just hear his voice just... had such an effect on me. I was doing better with the whole obsessive quality that comes with having an FP, but I feel like that just caused me to slip back into it.... I now find myself constantly thinking of him again, from the time I wake up, while I'm at work, and when I get home I just automatically jump into a call on the platform we communicate on and wait on him. But that's not the worst part about me slipping back into my obsessive habits.

So for the past few days we've been catching up on a show we watch on Netflix right? And I just assumed, in my mind, that he would want to spend a lot of time everyday watching it together because I knew he missed me a lot and he wanted to get back to us watching shows. I forgot that he was still in school and that he had to catch up, mainly because 1. since I got out of school last week I'm genuinely forgetting that lots of people still have school and 2. with me working all these long exhausting hours and dealing with legions of different people coming into my work everyday, so much is slipping my mind these days. Yesterday, I was already falling into an obsessive fit because I was scared he was angry at me based on an interaction we had earlier in the day, which was overthinking on my part. The fact alone that I'm back to overthinking his every little move and action should be a signal that I'm slipping back into unhealthy habits, right? Well, if he wasn't angry at me before I'm sure he's angry at me now...

So as I mentioned earlier, we had been spending the past few days catching up on a show on Netflix and I assumed he wanted to continue that today. And I had said the night before, "We'll continue when I get home from work tomorrow" which well - he never agreed to. Another thing worth noting is I'm autistic so I don't really do well with understanding things like that unless I'm explicitly told "yes" or "no". I just need really clear directions because non-verbal communication doesn't always work well for me. So I came home and waited in a call for him all day, texting him "hey I'm home and I'm ready whenever you are". After spending a few hours waiting in the call I started to figure "eh maybe he went to sleep" and I left it, but then late last night he texted me talking about how we never talked about watching the show that day and he asked me why I spent all day waiting for him. I told him that I assumed he wanted to watch more because I knew he really wanted to catch up and that I knew he missed us watching shows together, and he just told me how he never agreed to us watching it that day. So I apologized, but then I told him that I would appreciate if in cases like this where he knew he wouldn't be able to do something, I'd appreciate clear communication (i.e. a yes or no answer) because I do better with communication carried out in that fashion. And right when I was about to go to bed, he sent me this text:

"I think me not answering is a clear no, because if I didn't say yes then it's a no"

I don't know if I'm just overthinking or what... but he sounded really pissed off. The text had no real tone to it so there's no way to tell, and I'm not the best with tone in texts, but I just feel like now he's angry at me. He probably now thinks I don't know how to respect his boundaries. (which admittedly I have had problems with in the past and have been working on) He probably doesn't wanna hang out with me again any time soon. I don't know what to do. I feel like now I'm slipping back into overthinking and stressing out so much, and I'm genuinely scared that he might not want to talk to me anymore because I was just genuinely stupid. I hate that I can't maintain a healthy relationship with him without slipping into my unhealthy obsessive habits. He told me that he would resume a romantic relationship with me when he feels like we're both emotionally mature enough to handle it, but evidently that isn't happening any time soon because he definitely thinks I'm the same overly obsessive person I was before. I feel like he's really angry at me and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle this. I apologized again this morning but I'm just considering maybe not texting him anymore unless he texts first. I don't want to bother him anymore. I have to work five days in a row again starting tomorrow anyways, so I just hope that distracts me. I don't want to make things worse than they already are. I just hate this and I don't know what to do.