In march i broke up with my boyfriend after he told me that he loved and kissed one of my closest friends, and that he felt like he was putting too much into our relationship and not getting enough back. For the past several months I’ve felt awful, I lost the person I wanted to spend my life with, a friend who I knew through all of high school, and a friend group that all three of us were in that I just felt too weird being a part of after that happened. I spent months hoping to fix this, to at least in someway have my ex still in my life, but he wants nothing to do with me. He got a shiny new SO, who’s smart and there for him, who he doesn’t have to drag around and care for all the time, and he got to keep his friends. I know I was a bad partner, I was unemployed, I can’t drive, and I push my problems onto other people, and I hated that I did this, I felt ashamed that my ex had to care for me so much, paying for my things, dealing with my bullshit. This ruined my senior year at high school, and now we also coincidentally go to the same college, and I have to dread the small chance that I may see him, and be reminded of how awful I was and still am. These months have just been an endless cycle of hating myself and I feel like I deserve it and I hate that I feel that way and I have no idea how to move past this