I have experienced episodes of psychosis before, and typically I find that for me these episodes last about a month or two aside from one that lasted longer. Since starting my recovery journey these have only happened about once a year in comparison to a few times per year.

Last night, I had a breakdown that led to me going into a mentally catatonic but physically psychotic state. I couldn't think anything besides the phrase "Please stop" and I was screaming that I was scared and bashing my head against the steering wheel and headrest in my car but it felt like I needed to do it. It genuinely felt like what I would imagine possession does. I was with my fiance who had to leave the car because he was so scared of me and talking to me didn't cause me to respond any differently than "I'm really scared" which I just kept repeating and repeating over and over again while continuing to thrash.

My episode ended up stopping after about 30 minutes, in which there was just an abrupt end to the symptoms. I'm scared of myself. I completely lost control. Has anybody else felt something similar, or can tell me how I can be sure it will never happen again? I feel like this alone is souring my outlook for my healing and I'm really struggling.