to me, being an average man with bpd has suppossed to me a life disaster

1- I cant be alone but also i cant maintain a relationship with a woman because i have to have an income first, also i am unable to work and also even with a job it doesnt give me a relationship for sure

2- everyone ask me why i do not work, because a man have to have a job, social pressure is there and i have tried many many times and i cant handle the levels of anxieti that a job make to me, to not work drain my value as a man. even members of my family view me as a parasyte 

3- i am invisible to the other gender, if a girlfriend leave me i would go to another to fill the void but i cant, thats why i am overclingy, because when the opportunity is there, i will be alone years and i cant leave the bed i am in deep depression not being in a relationship. tinder is a waste of time for the majority of men, i used that for years only able to date a girl. most of the girl use it to get attention.

4- i have lived overseas where is easier for  me to get a relationship but i will need money so i need to stay in home to get payment from the goverment in the future (i am waiting for the next year Ill match the requirements)

5- everything that i hear is something like "you dont need someone" "you need to love yourself first"... yeah but my mind is sick and i know how my mind work,  in my life only the power of being with someone have made me leave the bed

6- being known as a mental sick man has made me really hurt in my town, how the other people view me now is horrendous and many many people has rejected me for being my friend. of course no girl who has heard about me want to be with a crazy man

7- being a man mean to be strong and to not show debility, this is not because patriarchy, it is because is what women want.  women want a stable man with money or enough income, a man with deccission power. and i am not that kind of man, i wont have money and my deccissions depends in the other person or how to scape from the void

8- people do not care of the problems of a man, men are mean to support, not to be supported, years ago i learnt to not show my problems with anyone because no one will understand me or care about me.

9- to make a relationship working, i had to hide all my bpd and be strong whiht my emotions because girls dont want a man crying or someone who need her atention all the time, so i had to hide my fear of losing to make it work fighting against my emotions

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i want to know about other bpd guys and of course everyone is welcome to reply.