I’m 20F and my life is going great. I work a decent job and have great grades in my classes. My boyfriend treats me amazingly and helps work through my episodes with me. I live in a nice apartment in my city and have everything i seemingly need.

I’ve never wanted to die more in my life. I should be happy. i can’t understand why im not happy. i’m breaking down almost every night and all my boyfriend can do is tell me that i’m “strong” and i’ll “get through it” but it’s never been this bad before. i’m fine during the day but the second it gets dark i feel worthless. I keep thinking of the kid i once was wishing to be here and yet now i’d rather go back. i was abused yet somehow i seemed happier then. i can’t understand why i feel like this. i don’t know what’s wrong with me.