I found out I have BPD, because she said that I needed to get help. So I starting going to therapy for a year. It turns out, she was right. I have BPD. 

Anyway about a two months ago, I had to get off my meds for a surgery. As a result of my mood swings quickly escalated, and my overall mania was off the charts. She couldn't handle the mood swings, so last month she decided to break up whatever we had off and blocked me everywhere. Her ghosting me really hurt me, because I had so much patience with her and her mental illness. I sat there at endured her moments when she would forget her meds and would have server mania. I did that so many times. I just had hope for some patience in return. 

Now, I'm back on my meds, but she still has me blocked.  I check her IG, still blocked, text or call? Also blocked. She ghosted me. Poof! There go the last six months of my life. About three weeks ago, I deleted her phone number, all her pictures and put all her stuff in a box. I was fine for a while. 

It's now been a month since she ghosted me. I found an old voicemail of hers with her number. Let the mania start! I sent her messages, but again I'm blocked. This spark yet another manic episode. I sent her like ten messages beginning from "I miss you" to end with a with "I hate you for abandoning me." 

I want all this to stop. I can't get myself to delete that voicemail. I'm fucking haunted by it. I can't even listen to it. It's just there. 