 I’ve used alcohol to cope for a long time. In one of my more optimistic states of mind I vowed to stop drinking, take control of my life and lose weight 🙃 but right now all I want is to have a bottle of wine and stop feeling for a while.  Just enjoy my night cook spaghetti and chill with my kids. But now I feel I’m going back on my word and not making any progress plus I only have $15 that is supposed to be gas money 😭 😭 so I’d feel guilty spending $4.99 on a bottle of Yellow Tail. I’m at work looking normal but I’m sobbing and having a meltdown in my head. 
I told my fiancé about my disorder and now I feel like he’s pulling away and acting funny, so now anytime he doesn’t respond to a text I’m thinking I fucked up our relationship and he thinks I’m weird. I just wanna dig a hole in the ground and crawl in it and die.