I feel so guilty and shameful right now. My Grandma moved to the same city as my family and I about a year ago to be closer to us. We live in a suburb of the big city, so she’s somewhat familiar with it, but not 100% comfortable knowing her way around yet. This morning she had an important doctors appointment that was in the city. I am the only person in my family who didn’t work today, so obviously I was expected to drive her. 

My anxiety has been very bad lately, especially within the last couple weeks. I have a new thing where I get really nervous when I have to drive long distances. This appointment was a 35 minute drive, plus I would have to wait in my car for the appointment to be done since I can’t come in with her because of COVID, and the area where this building is is a very shady part of town. I’ve been stressing about driving her since the moment I knew I had to drive her. I got no sleep last night because I was up worrying. I came clean yesterday to my mom about how bad my anxiety is about driving in the city and I don’t feel comfortable doing it. She told me I’d just have to suck it up because there’s nobody else that can drive her and she doesn’t want my Grandma driving by herself. This morning I woke up feeling more anxious about it, and then I just lied. 

I went up to my Grandma and told her that I have a pounding headache and dont know if I’ll be able to drive her. She was very sweet and understanding and told me she would be okay on her own and told me to get some rest. This honestly made me feel worse because I was lying through my teeth. I feel so bad. She isn’t comfortable driving alone in the city. And I acted selfishly because of my stupid anxiety. What if the tables were turned and that was me having to drive alone in an unfamiliar big city? I sure as hell would not want to be alone. I feel like I have let down my Grandma. I feel so guilty. I really hate having anxiety.