So my husband is over at a friend's place tonight. About four or five times a year, he and his buddies get together to play video games. It typically involves a lot of beer and staying up til the wee hours. 

My cell is dead, so we have kept in touch by email today. In my last email to him, I talk about our cat being an attention hog, and I also ask him if he knows whether he will crash there or come back home, and mention that I have been feeling a little creeped out being home alone all day (I had a really strange phone call not long ago that my friends have described as rather stalker-ish, and I couldn't shake the creepy feeling today). Here is what he replied: 

Of course dusty has been an attention hot. It's dusty. I'm sorry sweets, but I have had a little too much to drink to drive tonight. So I won't make it home tonight. But I can keep emailing you!

And here is how my stupid stupid brain works (my automatic emotion-thoughts I have no control over):

1) he wrote "hot" instead of "hog" --&gt; he drank too much
2) "sweets"?? He calls me sweetie, but never sweets. I hate it, sounds possessive and slutty 
3) he has "too much to drink", yet when he talked about it last (without me asking) he said he would likely not drink too much and come back because he prefers sleeping at home with me, --&gt;thus he lied
4) he won't make it home tonight. --&gt; thanks! I had already figured that part out when you said you drank too much, you don't need to say it again and rub it in!
5) he never addresses that I felt scared in the house alone --&gt; why can't he just be protective of me? tell me there's nothing to be scared of? he probably didn't thinks I'm a wimp or flat out crazy or too much of a handful.

But then I try to rationalize:

1) he is emailing from his phone, it's easy to make typos. plus, so what if he drank too much? He's allowed to! He's being responsible about it!
2)...maybe another typo? if he uses it again, I can address it then and gently let him know I don't particularly like that pet name
3) and he's allowed to change his mind. It's hard to predict ahead of time how he will feel in the moment. Lying and changing one's mind are not the same thing.
4)I probably would have worded it the same. plus its good he's making his message clear, I wouldn't want any false hopes up
5) maybe his offer to keep emailing is his way of making me feel better? plus, really, I'm a grown woman, I can be home alone!

The above rationalization stopped me from replying harshly. Many different ways of replying occurred to me including calling out the ugly pet name, declining his offer to keep emailing, asking him why he changed his mind on coming back home, etc. But they're all just ways of making him feel bad, one way or another. And it hit me, that I don't even know how to formulate a reply without being passive-agressive!!

I have been staring at the screening for such a while now trying to figure out a "normal-person" reply, while still fuming over how no matter how much I rationalize and control my behaviour, it doesn't change the fact that his email still hurt me. Don't ask me WHY I feel betrayed and defensive after reading that, I just do, and it's stupid and I know it is and if I could just not feel the pain, I would choose that, but it is so not fair that I have to go through this painful and exhausting internal debate over such a tiny little innocent email, and I'll reply all normal-like and he'll never have the slightest clue and we have to do this process daily, multiple multiple times a day. 

Man, feelings suck! Like why do I have to feel so freaking much, all the time, over every little thing?

Phew! Can anyone relate??