I’m a sophomore in college and I’ve never set foot on a campus, COVID obviously screwed that up for so many people but im having that that overwhelming feeling of starting over completely. 

My freshman year was spent on a laptop in my room both the fall and spring. I did well in it but all of that time being home got me to thinking: I’m gonna transfer. I hated the curriculum and the slanted ways my teachers daughter and required us to write. I’m not an impulsive person due to anxiety and I usually overthink and spend days dwelling my options but not this one. I decided I wanted to in October and come December I got in a new and amazing relationship. He lives about 25 mins from the new campus and I took this as a sign. I told my parents and explained my thought process and my wanting an off campus apartment. I would be commuting if the apartment didn’t work out but I really thought it would. My dad was onboard at first but then he suddenly flip flopped. I would’ve commuted my freshman year if the shutdown didn’t happen because I cannot live with another person and I feel the same for this year. I know who I am and that “college experience” has never been for me. My commute is an hour and 15. I thought I could convince him to change his mind but I had no luck. The apartment was to push me to be on my own a block from campus so that I can try to overcome my anxiety on my own since I’ve always done my best when I forced myself into situations plus I finally felt like I could be on my own. 

It’s now almost a week before I start and I’m so anxious that I’ve put off important stuff to complete. The people I know there are from grade school who I haven’t seen in 5 years so I’m basically alone. I opted out of orientation because of my anxiety so I can’t attend that anymore as well. I don’t know where to go for my classes and at this point I’m almost hoping for another shut down so that I can do online school just one last time. All I can do now is sit in my room and cry. I am beyond anxious and I hate that fact of starting over again since it’s basically my “freshman” year of college. I’m not myself anymore. This anxiety and stress is eating me alive so much so that I’ve stopped working out and being productive so now I’m unhappy with my appearance. I feel like nothing is going as planned and I can’t fix it.