Just as the title says. People in my life will never understand how much their facial expressions, words, tonal inflections, etc. hurt me so much more than any physical pain I have ever, or will ever endure. I’d literally rather have my husband shove me down and physically assault me than to tell me how I ruin everything and look at me like I am some unknown species of awful. All I do is try and try to be good person. I’m in treatment and have been for a long time for this disorder. I feel like I’m making progress and then the one person I adore in the world more than anything makes it abundantly clear that all I do is make everyone miserable. I’ve been happy. I thought they were all happier too. It doesn’t matter how long I go without a suicidal thought or self harming behaviors, they always come back. I wish I wasn’t a living thing on this earth anymore. I wish someone would just put me out of my misery. This life is a cruel fucking joke.