I hate myself for complaining about my bullshit here but I have nobody to talk to or anyone that actually gives a shit about anything I saw and ad I write this I say to myself 'I feel like a fucking pussy'. I'm totally fucking done. I absolutely am tired of everything, I am burned out, tired, I can't even stay awake or think straight without using a giant can of fucking redbull. My caffeine tolerance is high af and I can't even use it as a stimulant anymore. My family all hates me and the people close to me don't give a shit. I'm pretty much alone. I have nothing at all. I had a good casual job as I'm senior in high school and that has all gone to shit they totally cut my shift and my pay is now low as fuck with little fortnightly income, my school fucking sucks teaching absolute dog shit, it's a private school which my parents force me to go to and they don't teach anything interesting they treat me like a fucking moron. They couldn't give a shit about me or my life they only value your grades and how you can represent the school they also love money. All my technology for school is fucked. My phone shit itself 2 weeks ago and I spent all the cash I pretty much had on a new one which was a pissy 360 dollars. Now my laptop which I need for pretty much everything has shit itself I have no money at all. My Dad antagonises me because he thinks I broke it. My school hands out punishments if we don't bring out stuff so I get detentions for not having it and I don't have a note from my parents to say it's broken snd my dad won't even sign it cause he doesn't give a shit. They yell at me for nothing and call me a loser and failure. They always pressure me in shit I don't give a fuck about. I feel like a loser. I am never actually genuinely happy. Recently I have been smoking weed and using alcohol as it helps. If anyone says it's bad for me I simply don't give a shit. I have no idea if I'm depressed, I feel like an edgelord writing this. I feel like a loser because I am so hopeless I don't even have a pencil case at school only stolen pen that doesn't even have a fucking lid. I suck at school my Math grades are dog shit because the shit is all complicated as shit and if I ask for help I will literally get bullied and called retarded. My parents just say "you have everything in the world, a house, a bed, food." But it doesn't really comfort me.
I'm not really sad, just tired, hopeless, uninterested and I feel like a loser and failure as nobody really appreciates anything I do or actually acknowledges me. As I say that I feel like a Narcissist because I'm saying "I need validation"
One late shift at work my boss told me I work really good only to find out that he told someone else I was an idiot. Which is two-faced of him. I don't have suicidal tendencies. But to be completely honest if I died tomorrow i wouldn't give a shit.
I feel like a total pussy for writing this and I honestly have no idea what to do with my life.
I hate my parents they are moody and judgemental on a severe level. My mother flys of the hook over little things and my Dad thinks he knows everything and is the greatest at everything. They give me shit for all my interests totally devaluing everything I like. They don't acknowledge anything I talk about all they care about is themselves. They don't even let me leave my house to go for a fucking walk. I don't even know what to say or how to continue this thread