I have been medicated for two years now and finally found a regimen that works for me. It is about this time of the year that I get so depressed I end up hospitalized.
   I have always had terrible memory to the point that it is noticeable to others. I am currently attempting to date someone and I have to keep a journal of things that he says to me and that we talk about because if I don’t we will go in circles in conversations. 
   I called out of work for the first time today in two years because I couldn’t manage getting out of bed. Because of my meds it’s like I logically know I am depressed and I can’t feel it. But it’s there, taunting me. It’s almost like I have an itch. The medication keeps my emotions from taking over and they numb me out but it isn’t helping me not be sad, it is just different. I feel like I can’t breathe. And it’s stupid. Why won’t it just stop? I am going to be sick forever. I don’t want to be. I feel as if I am incapable of living a normal productive life. I am going to die from this. There will be a day when I don’t ask for help and I won’t pick up the phone. Not today, but one day.