I trust nobody and nobody trusts me. I've spent all of my years making "friends" that could just easily drop me. I honestly don't know why I started hanging out with most of the people that I consider school friends in the first place. I have attempted to find a new group but I've failed due to the shitty persona and reputation that I conjured up at the start of middle school, fml bruh, bein the weird funny kid fuckin sucks, I cringe at all of my jokes yet I somehow make people laugh; idek anymore. If I change ill just get dropped by most of the people I know.
I'd like to meet new people but others only see me through the persona I've created. Some see me as a dick, some people see me as funny, most think that I'm just weird.
I'm extremely lonely. I just use humor, video games, and porn to cover it all up. Most of my coping mechanisms are extremely toxic. I hate what I've turned into.
If I could restart I would; Sometimes I just about ending it all
end me 
Notes:
I did not write this during a breakdown or something like that. I have thought about these topics for a very long time and this is the first time that I've publicly vented about this stuff so I'm sorry if this post just looks like a jumbled mess.
I would also like to apologize for my punctuation and grammar, ik its bad.