Hello all,

I have PTSD, and I've lately been feeling anxious and unsafe in work.

I also left a very toxic work environment and came to this new job. That old job has also given me some fresh trauma about general snakiness in the workplace.

As context, a few weeks back we had an event at my job and I innocently shared info that upset my co-worker.

Prior to joining department X, my boss informed my co-worker that I would not be reporting to her nor do my evaluations with her. My boss would be my direct line manager, even though my colleague is the manager of department X. She also told my colleague that this was going to be the setup of department Y and their new hire. *I did not know any of this. My colleague gave me this context later.*

I got to know the new girl in department Y and she let me know how she reports directly to the department head.

So one day at an event I was chatting with my co-worker and I'm not sure why Department Y came up. I, innocently unaware, mentioned how the new hire there reported directly to the manager of that department.

This was a shock to my co-worker. She cried heavily at home and its something that really hurt her.

When she gave me the context I felt awful. I can understand her pain because she's been working in this field in general for almost 20 years. When she joined this new place she really thought she would have more seniority and leadership opportunities, especially since its still a start-up.

She also told me later that she didn't mean to be rude to me or make me feel bad. She wanted to explain her shock.

I don't know. Ever since that day I've felt very uneasy. I feel like she's taking more tasks away from me and I don't think she's as friendly as before. I also noticed that she is dealing with our superiors more than me (which makes sense anyway because she's a manager).

But the rational part of me is telling me to calm down, and to just trust that everything is ok. I don't have solid evidence for my above claims, and I feel like this is just a case of trauma causing havoc. Because this is pretty much what happened at my old job - my old co-worker threw me under the bus after I foolishly trusted her. And I guess I'm afraid of history repeating because this is actually a good job.

Jobs are hard to come by where I live, and even though this is not my dream job I enjoy a lot of other aspects about it. So I'm scared of losing it.

I've been doing extra initiatives to prove I'm hard working and not slacking back, but I keep having this fear that my co-worker is a snake and she's going to make me seem like I'm lazy and I don't work 💔

Thank you for listening.

F*** trauma 😔 I really just want a hug and to be a normal functioning person again.