I am BPD in recovery, ex/on again bf has all symptoms, he is undiagnosed but apparently seeking help.

Known each other nearly 2 years, dated for a year. It’s been rocky but we’ve finally come to a point of understanding, openness &amp; honesty. 

My question is re his family. My family is my son &amp; my friends. He has a big family, am I expecting too much from them?

I have been to their homes to spend time with them, I have celebrated their birthdays. I take the time to ask how they are, I go to the events they have etc. It’s not reciprocated at all. Unless it’s their thing, I don’t seem to exist. I spoke to him about this &amp; said even his sisters husband of 15+ years feels like an outsider. It’s cold. 

He has the annual family holiday coming up and I was invited. Honestly, I don’t want to spend time with people like this. I’ve made a lot of efforts in the last year but it just feels one sided. I would holiday with him alone but spending so much time with them isn’t what’s best for me. It’s like he undermines himself for their approval. I don’t need to be part of that. I feel judged and treated coldly by them. 

I reached out to his Mum a short while ago. We’re not close but I was worried about him so I did what I thought was best at the time. She was nice about it but still cold, detached. Maybe that’s why he is the way he is?

I know I can’t ask him this. But it’s almost like I want to say, if they weren’t your family, would you still want to spend time with with them?