I (27F) am in the deepest slump of my life. I battle not only depression but also anxiety mixed in with what can be Bipolar and or BPD. 

My life consists of laying in bed watching all things as well as life pass me by. I’m in a relationship but now it feels more like a chore than a source of comfort. I used to be so different. People would describe me as radiating energy “ a walking talking Sun” then I got sick, lost my job and it all came crushing down. 

Everything that has brought me joy is draining or upsets me. I’m gaining weight faster than I can burn it, I try to get back into the groove of working out and I’ll keep it up for a week or so until I have another episode and it goes to shit again. 

Seeking mental health in America is a fucking joke, to get an appointment I’d have to A. Wait over three months or B. Put down over $$$ that I don’t have. I thought I discovered a short cut by having myself admitted but even that backfired. I’m burning like a flame so I push everyone away

I’m losing my shit slowly, I want to disappear. I sometimes wish I could die without leaving behind my body cause even after death I wouldn’t want to be bothered or become a burden. 

I don’t know what I’m seeking for by writing this. Maybe someone, somewhere won’t feel alone.