this has all been consistent for over a year.  for context, i have no job.  no relationship.  live by myself in a rural town.

i have descended into madness:

1. insomnia.  getting 2-3 hours of sleep at a time.
2. not eating properly
3. hygiene is crap
4. no exercise
5. never get out of my house
6. can't do basic stuff anymore
7. play chess 24/7 
8. plaque psoriasis.  it's back.
9. i live alone

again, this has been going on for over a year.

this morning was really tough.  if i had a firearm, i would not be here.

1. i have been trying to brush my teeth every day
2. i have some stuff to treat the psoriasis that i started a day ago

but again, i want to off myself.

i'm typing into a void, the universe, knowing that none of this matters.

my life doesn't actually matter.

i don't want to suffer anymore.