Both in friendships and love I always feel like the one who loves the most. I have always been theirs more than they were mine. They did try to love me. They do love me. But I couldn't feel it. It feels so inadequate and insincere.  

I feel ashamed that their love is not enough for me. I hate myself for always wanting more. Cause I give way too much. And feeling half loved hurts too much. Being unloved &gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; being half loved Imao. 

It feels as if they have their life while for me they are my life. And I am just waiting there for their attention and affection. And everyone always seems to be busy, and even after waiting the whole day, I only get their half assed attention.  It makes me wanna curl up and cry. 

I feel so cheap because I give my heart away for the bare minimum. And it makes me feel ashamed. Like I'm only good for being used and thrown away. I'm not good enough for someone to stay. 

It hurts too much. This self hate and self degradation I get because I am desperate for affection. I wish I could fucking kms right now. I hate everything and everyone. This world is so fucking unfair and I wanna watch it burn. Ig if I don't find an FP I'm gonna go psycho. 

I just wanna love and be loved :')