I realized something today. I've been at a point where I both want to die AND I'm afraid to be killed.

&amp;#x200B;

I want to live. I really do. I'd really like to start living with a modicum of control in my life. I've invested so many years in building the life I have now, because I thought this was what I was suppose to do... Now I'm not so sure. So many people depend on me now. My responsibilities are traditional. It feels so forced though.

&amp;#x200B;

I refuse to believe that life is suppose to be this way, a constant uphill battle against myself? I get having conflicts with other people, obviously not everyone is the same. It's me though. The only battle I can't bare.