To be fair it wasn't all me. But it was a lot me. My partner and I basically have this ongoing issue that He thought I could be cold and doubted the sincerity of my feelings. I thought that he could be inconsiderate and immature and that I couldn't rely on him to be in a long term committed relationship. I think on some level we both denied that the others impression was true and in so doing proved each other right.

A few weeks ago my partner broke up with me saying he needed to figure himself out. I burst into tears saying I just wanted to be with him. And he seemed shocked and said that he "needed to see you (me) cry" and took back breaking up with me a few minutes later. I thought that was really fucked up bc I hate seeing him cry.

More recently I did some things that upset him. He tried to tell me about it but the reasons I upset him seemed silly to me and I was dismissive and didn't really respond. I was in a really tough place with my health and just wanted to chill and talk about it later but didn't have the ability to say that. We got into a big fight.

We both took some space and met up to talk a couple of weeks later. He started to break up with me again and then started to back track asking if I thought we would ever work out. Sick of it, I told him he should leave before he changes his mind.

Later he texted me basically wishing me well saying that he needed time to figure himself out and that he was glad things went smoothly. By this point I was mad and hurt by how confusing he was and sent him some arrogant cruel text calling him immature. We haven't spoken since.

 the things we f****** do to ourselves I can't tell you how many times I've sworn not to say inflammatory arrogant s*** but I still can't seem to stop.

But I'm finally getting a good therapist now that I have good insurance and a good job and feeling optimistic about the future. I really hope things work out between us when we're both in therapy and doing better. I don't hold it against him now that I've had time to talk think about it. I did break up with him for a while to the mental health reasons and he took me back. I know it's stupid but I still