right now im trying my best to force myself to be okay, to feel okay but i'm feeling like im breaking. I wish I don't need a human connection but I can't. I wish I was female or attractive so people won't ghost me after 1 day or 1 conversation. Irl, I have no one. I'm tired of feeling this way I can't do my hobbies. it just wouldn't get better no matter how much I tried to think positively of it. Ever since I was young, I always have positive thoughts that something good will happen eventually when you are sad or went through something. Years now and things never got better. I wish I was suicidal, I wish I can end it.