I hate having friends, even though I have only two. Two that are the strongest people I know.
I hate getting attached, I hate trusting, I hate counting on someone else. I hate having to lean on someone.

I hate having friends because it makes this disorder a lot harder. 
I'm extra explosive, I'm anxious all the time, I think they're ether dead or they hate me. I bring up old arguments for not reason, I bring up conversation that'll put us in the same bubble. My negativity affects them greatly until they don't want to be around me or they're scared I'll hurt myself. 