I’m really sick of this. I start doing something I love, a little project. (Like for the past three days I’ve been adding herbs and their properties to my notebook. The whole time I’ve been so passionate about it and so excited to finish and make it look so pretty and to make quite a big contribution to my notebook which I love so much.) Then half way through a sentence, just now, it’s like a switch flipped and I started thinking “wtf is this. What am I even doing. Does this even mean anything.” Etc. And now I don’t wanna fucking touch it. Any of it.

This has been the only thing I’ve constantly loved. I’ve got my crystals and my tarot cards, my herbs, my note books, my spells. Everything. I grow my sage and I channel my grandmothers rings. I integrate my Romani practices and I live my life.  And now it feels hopeless and I don’t know why.

All of a sudden It’s like it’s everything and nothing to me all at the same time. I hate it and I need it at the same time. 

This is annoying as fuck but I’ll deal with it when it’s about anything else. But not this. I can’t lose this.