So I have been getting this sudden bursts of anxiety since the last 5 years vis a vis after my dad's death (tbh , was 17 at the point) and then due to my educational opportunities I had to move out of my place to a completely new state.

It was during at that point in time that I started developing huge mental stress and insecurity , started to overthink a lot.

IFU by not taking it pretty seriously at the point and just discarding as something to be just the mental stress due to dad's death.

It has now gone up to the point where i get so obsessed over something/someone pretty much all the time.
I get anxious over the stupidest of things , and I have insecurity of the highest level. I seldom trust my loved ones - friends - colleagues , more often than not I feel they are going to betray me somehow and this has effected my personal as well as professional life.

At this point , I sort of have started developing feelings for my manager , she has been absolutely sweet to work with in the past couple of months. She went from completely not my type to I really like you as a person.
But now with heavier workload , she hasn't been able to give me as much attention or time as she would normally do.
She has been sort of avoiding speaking anything other than work to me , which in the past was majority of our conversation.
In the past couple of weeks , this has been the only things going through my head every moment awake and lock down has only made it worse.

I keep on waiting for texts from her , I keep on waiting for her calls and over think to the point where it gets very depressing.
 
TBH , I have had issues in the past as well , but it has never gotten to a point where you just can't hang your head around anything.

Sorry for venting it out , but I just needed this.