I know it's not healthy to put your happiness based on someone else but for I always relied on my boyfriend emotionally because I only have one family member in this country and we don't get along so I felt like I only had him. Yesterday we didn't really have a good day and I don't know it just made me realize that nothing will ever make me happy.

We have a good relationship but there's always gonna be bad days. I've had about 5 jobs and some are better than others but it's still just a job and it still sucks. 

I have two cats that I love with all my heart but I don't know I mean they are just cats and I do love them but they can't fix my emotions.

There's no place that makes me feel good. I love the beach but even there I feel anxious. 

I always feel bored no matter what. I'm feeling so horrible.  I don't know what to do at this point. I know it was so stupid to rely on my boyfriend but he always made me feel so loved and we are so similar I felt like a had a best friend too. But nothing ever stays good or bad things happen to people or in life. 

I'm just so tired and bored and annoyed and I have a feeling of wanting to just give up and have a simple job and sleep in the car or something.  I know that sounds crazy but I'm so exhausted of working so much and going to school and test and  homework and relying on people and then being disappointed.  

God this is horrible.  How can other people be happy??? Thats beyond me I don't even understand.  Especially the people that do a million things in one day. Where. Is this energy coming from ??? Like wtf