I hate holidays. With every fiber of my being. I have to go be around people I hardly know, for hours at a time, and am expected to be happy out it. My fiancé’s family is the most extroverted of extroverts and it’s draining my sanity. To make things worse I’m having issues with my future brother in law and literally everything I do makes him angry. 

Don’t show up? Mad I am not participating. Leave early? Mad I’m rejecting the kind things his parents are doing. Leave at a normal time but before he would like my fiancé to leave? Feels like I’m stealing him from him, despite the fact that he fully intends to return to the event after I am home safe. Stay well past my limits just to please him? Overstaying my welcome/why is she even here if she isn’t having fun. 

The past few important holidays I’ve had massive panic attacks either before or after the event. We are trying to find ways to keep everyone happy. Currently that looks like me going for longer than I am comfortable with and fiancé driving me home once I’m too exhausted to manage anymore. This happens after about 4-5 hours depending on the situation. I’ve got some personal issues around holidays, namely the fact that my mother died when I was 13 and that kinda screwed up holidays in my house. I’ve also never had a Christmas in my own home because my extended family lives halfway across the country and we always, and I mean always, went out for Christmas. Once fiancé and I got our own place I was hoping I would be able to have at least a few holidays here, but that appears to be a cardinal sin. 

I guess I don’t want this whole thing to be a giant rant so, any advice?