Recently I’ve been extremely active in dating. In 2022 alone I’ve went on dates with 9 different guys I met in person or online. For the guys I like, the longest it lasted was a month. I have poor choices in men and also act desperate and scare them away. I had a friend group at the beginning of the year that fizzled out but I just reconnected with one of my old girlfriends and we’re hanging out like once a week. 

Outside of dating, I just have that one friend that I can see about once per week (and we’ve only been hanging out for 3 weeks now). I am extremely extremely lonely. But going through 9 guys seems like a fucking lot, obviously I am doing something wrong. Whether it be choosing shitty guys, having sex too early, being too clingy, being too insecure, it just isn’t working out. I want a long term relationship and obviously I am not in the right state of kind for that to happen. 

I need to be single but I don’t know what to do. When I’m single I just obsess about the guys from my past. That’s why I’ve been going through a bunch of guys so I can forget about the ones I liked a lot and the pain I felt being ghosted by them. I keep trying to find someone who it will work with but it’s just not happening. 

I know I need therapy but my insurance provided mental health doesn’t do trauma work and I can only be seen for an hour a month anyway. They’re also on strike so that doesn’t help anything. 

Idk wtf to do. I don’t know how to overcome this. I didn’t used to be like this, I used to be fine being single and hated getting close to others. Now I crave it so bad I make people uncomfortable. What do I do?