Sharing this to multiple subreddits for feedback and maybe to help someone else. I have spent a good portion of my life a very angry person who thrives on explosive confrontations especially in relationships. I have always been told that I handle everything "well" like break ups, death, and even my trauma history. There is like 2 people who've ever seen me genuinely sad about anything in my life and they've been around since I was a child. 

I was brutally honest with my therapist today and about me being a ticking time bomb for the first time. I usually make it sound so much better and peaceful. She went on and explained that anger is not an emotion to me and that it's a response. She said there had to be a source for your anger, an original emotion. You have to feel some kind of real emotion first for your anger to piggyback off of. 

And that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I am angry because I am so hurt and so sad. I've thought that I was the happiest bubbliest person all these years when in reality, I've been holding back so much and coping with it by raging out. I've never handled anything in my life in a healthy way. Here I was thinking I was such a tough cookie when I've been running from my problems and trauma my entire life. I'm sad, I'm hurt from domestic violence and other situations and I don't know how to fix that. 

What do you even do with yourself realizing that?