This whole existence doesn't make any sense, like why are we conscious and the only life form that can discuss these matters and know that we are alive ? It's bizarre the fabric of reality itself how matter is the way it is, why space is 3d why everything is the way it is all these atoms and vibrations and what ever creating this so called reality.
I keep feeling worried that he'll and heaven exist and my former religion that makes no sense and I'm sure it's man made but growing up religious to that certain peaceful religion everyone knows has f.. me up and I'm so jealous of people that grew up free of brainwash and religion, the idea of eternal hell is scary.

I'm in a point that I don't know what's real or what to believe, well reality in itself is super complicated the way everything seems engineered by a smart being but it's a sad terrible reality where living creatures feed on each other to live what kind of twisted creator would make such a thing. I'm agnostic I don't know what's the reason behind everything but evolution etc makes sense but it's not satisfying a random big bang and chains of events caused reality, I know about the illusion of smart design but still if that was the chase things would've been way more chaotic and random than this.

Why I'm I conscious I didn't sing up for this existence no one of us did, is it a simulation ? An expirement by higher entities ? Maybe life is just a passing thought of the so called god ? I think consciousness is the answer to everything if we understand it we will understand a big part of this weird reality.