I experienced the unfortunately classic case of my therapist not believing I have bpd because I’m “too functional”. I know many of you can relate. (What does functional even mean?? it’s so subjective.) 

I’ve had such a hard time finding a therapist who is trustworthy and will listen, and I finally got a therapist who I’ve worked with in the past. However, we never dove into my thoughts and behaviors then. She was more of an advocate for me while I was experiencing workplace abuse. I’ve mentioned my previous diagnoses to her but she hasn’t made any kind of clear analysis herself yet. I was diagnosed with bpd among other disorders by other psychiatrists/ therapists. 

yesterday was our 3rd meeting after re-establishing the relationship, and she lightly asked about family trauma. She ended up recommending a book called “stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist and how to end the drama and get on with life” because my parents exhibit narcissistic traits. She told me to view myself as the caretaker and pay close attention to the fear-guilt-shame cycle. 

I expressed concern that the book might  be difficult for me to place myself as the caretaker since it seems to put people with bpd in a negative light and I might end up placing a lot of blame on myself which doesn’t seem like what she wanted me to achieve from reading the book. 

She said she appreciated me noticing a blind spot, but she doesn’t believe I have bpd because I seem to be a functional person who might have picked up some bpd traits from my parents. I told her I agreed that I could have picked up traits from my parents, but I was diagnosed and have studied the condition and I strongly exhibit 8/9 traits. She said that the “hallmark of bpd” is expecting others to regulate our emotions and since I take responsibility for my emotions, I don’t have bpd.  That people with bpd are very difficult to deal with and treat and I’m not like that. 

I’m so sick of therapists and everyday people acting like people with bpd are abusive monsters. People with bpd can be abusive, and so can everyone else. But having bpd doesn’t mean we’re abusive. More often we’re misunderstood  people who are suffering, we’re emotional and we want people to love us, and we want help to be healthy. Someday I want to write a book as an advocate for us, instead of for other people on how to cope with our existence or how we can change ourselves, because while we do need to change our behaviors, we deserve to be understood and loved as we are through the process.