Every few months I do every online test I can find to see if maybe It now says otherwise but it always says severe, every few months I read up on it and it sounds just like me but I hate it. I don't want to get help, I couldn't afford it if I did, I just want to be normal. Nothing inside me feels wrong but people are always saying I'm crazy, too angry, irrational and insecure that they will leave me . My relationship has faced many ups and downs due to me being too obsessive over everything she says and turning it into her not caring but it just feels right to me. I don't know if it's meant to feel wrong I don't know if maybe I don't even have it but at the very least I'm probably not mentally well. I have been so angry and sad over the last 4 says And it is impossible to get out of it until I feel reassured, this happens so often. I feel doomed to a life of being misunderstood and uncared about and it's all just not fair . This probably isn't the right place to put this and I'm not asking for a diagnosis because even if I do have it I would never be able to admit to myself I need help without feeling like I'm just plain messed up and broken and that everything I do must of been wrong all along. I just needed to say that if I have it, I'm screwed because I'm not worth the trouble to help and it sounds like everyone will just leave me if I don't get help . 