Im not even trying to be dramatic or anything here this isnt suppoased to be an emotional rant its just a fact. I dont belong anywhere. My entire life everything around me tells me that i dont belong here. I also dont believe in a better future however i am convinced that things are going to get worse.

 I tried to fit in so many times but i never did. The only times i felt like i was "normal and fitting in" where the times when i was drinking and alcohol gave me the delusion that i could be normal and laugh with people and actually be able to express my feelings. Now that im trying to be sober i realise that the reason i was drinking so much in my youth was because it made me feel like i belonged somewhere. 

But i never really did alcohol just lied to me.

Life isnt a great experience for me. It just feels like one big chore. There is no meaning in mine. I am to young to feel this old.

Im tired and no amount of sleep can fix that.





I wish i could be lighthearted and joyfull like my peers but its like im physically unable to.