Since years I am feeling that something is off with me. Wherever I go and meet new people I always feel that these people present themselves as more superior towards me and I am wondering why they have so much more confidence than I have or why they do not care how others perceive them.

In high school I was walked all over, guys called me ugly although I think that I became a pretty woman. I never belonged to the "cool people" and I always felt a weird chemistry between people who are cooler than me. The more trauma I went through, the more I think that I am a doormat . For example, when I walk on the street people do not make space for me and bump into me without saying sorry or people just being rude for no reason. 

I am done with being nice but every time I am trying to appear confident I cannot erase the feeling of inferiority inside of me. It is bothering me so much. There is no balance in me, its black or white, I am feeling bad or I am compensating my insecurity by being too aggressive towards people.  I literally avoid everything, its like a wall in front of my mind. I feel insecure, depressed, I am anxious all the time, indecisive, and I am destroying my success and relationships.

 I feel like a complete failure because I do not even have a college degree at the age of 26. Every time I am in a new group I just want to leave, and not be bothered by anyone, I just want to be on my own because it is exhausting to me that people dominate and disrespect me. For instance, I had a girl in my class who always said I am a lesbian because she just "knows " and "we will see, in 10 years I will be a lesbian". Its like people just talk stuff without caring. It is also exhausting that I cannot be in a classroom without feeling anxious all the time, I just want to be able to relax and just be me. 

I wanted to have a family at this age and now I do not even have a qualification to start a career. I feel like my time is ticking and I see no worth in my life anymore. 

What the hell is wrong with me? Can anyone relate to this? I am starting to think that I might have some sort of anxiety or avoidant disorder.