TW: Sex 

I want to start this off by saying I’ve never had intercourse before. I’m not even sure I’m interested in men. (I’ve experimented). One time I got fingered and was so scared that maybe he touched his penis and when he fingered me there was sperm on it. I took a plan b, even got my period a week later, and was later approved for birth control. Unfortunately, I spent 7 months after that thinking I was pregnant. I took 25 pregnancy tests (I kid you not....all were negative) and it just consumed my mind. Anyways, that all happened from December-August. Now it’s October. I have a vibrator that I use to de stress. Unfortunately, and this might sound crazy, but me and my sister got into a fight. I fear that while I was at work she might have had a guy come over and wazz off on my vibrator. I also fear that the toilet paper I use in public restrooms has sperm on it. It doesn’t help that since I’m on depo provera, I stopped getting a period (I haven’t had one in over a year now) I know that’s crazy and most definitely all in my head and I tell myself I’m being crazy but it really gets to me. It distracts me and makes me nervous because if there’s one thing in this world I don’t want, it’s that I don’t ever want to be pregnant. I know abortion exists, but I don’t even want to be in that type of position. I’ve had a therapist before, but it really didn’t help. I just don’t know what to do to bring me back down to sanity. Sorry if this sounds annoying or frustrating or weird.