I want to kill myself so bad last month I actually tried I’ve been struggling so fucking hard and for what every time I try to get help it’s not enough or I’m not trying hard enough in peoples eyes when I’m fighting for my life basically or I get turned down from programs that can help me after my attempt not to long ago they look me off my meds completely and I haven’t  been able to get them back my social worker has been trying to help she’s an angel but my health team sucks your never suppose to take someone off completely you wean them off I got extremely sick only to them confirm it’s because I was withdrawing then then today I got a call from a program I was trying to get into that specializes in DBT that could help me and I got turned down and they basically closed my referral because every time they called me I was at work and I was unable to call them back and when I finally called them back today they said that they closed my referral but we could still talk about the program how the fuck would that help me she then asked at the end of the call if I had the hotline number of course bitch I’m suicidal I have the hotline number but this doesn’t help my case it doesn’t want to make me try harder I just want to give up because that was one of the very few places that was left that I haven’t called trying and haven’t been turned down from that would actually work with my insurance but I still travel to Biddeford with my shitty car because it’s not local I’ve already tried all the local places I’ve tried online places I’ve tried I’ve been trying and it’s not enough I just give up it’s not worse it anymore it’s really not