Yesterday i had a total freak out and started hurting myself and was extremely suicidal the entire day. I didn't know if i needed to go to the ER or call the police so i just waited and reached out to some friends last minute, who came over and talked me down. I felt like maybe i could wait out another day and see what happens, so here I am today and I'm not quite sure if i can pinpoint my emotions. I feel completely numb and bored and it is as if I dont know what to do with myself if im not either really hurting or im not really happy. I'm kinda in between now and I feel so uncomfortable and uneasy and part of me just wants to keep doing self-destructive things bc i dont know any better and that makes me hate myself even more. I feel like i literally cant function in normal life rn because everything is triggering me. I don't know when/if i should call the police so maybe they can take me to a psychiatric hospital or something. I can't stop idealizing suicide and i just dont know at what point im going to try to act on it or not, or maybe im just bored, i just dont know what to do. I cant be alone at all rn, but i also dont want to be with anyone either, so i have no clue what to do. Almost most of the time, if i have someone around to talk to, i can calm down, but whenever I am alone, I am unable to stop regressing to that dark state. I know it's so unhealthy to live like this and I just am completely helpless at this point. Any tips on how to deal with this inescapable abyss? At what point do i determine whether or not I should go to inpatient? etc. etc. 