Yesterday, I was deep in a depressive episode that had lasted for almost a month. I hadn't taken a shower in a few weeks, and you could probably tell. I was sitting in my room, which was so filthy that I couldn't see the floor, and queued up my 300th game of overwatch that night. I just felt... gross. 

So I triggered a manic episode. I had identified my triggers in therapy (I don't feel comfortable sharing them here) and I intentionally exposed myself to them. I knew that I would probably regret it because I get intense anxiety and paranoia during my mania, but in the moment, I didn't care. I just wanted to get out of that rut. 

Have you guys ever done this? Or tried to "take advantage" of this stupid illness? I don't know, I guess I feel kind of guilty about it. I do all this work with my psych team to prevent mania and I just threw it away to clean the house.