I am completely lost, I need to talk and if someone can offer some kind words or advice please do so. This past year has been hell, I’ve suffered from anxiety for 8+ years now which keeps me pretty much house bound and unable to work. I’m a 23 year old girl. 

My anxiety the past few years mainly stems in my dogs health and taking him to the vet, I am completely unable to get myself to take him after a bad experience, last year I met this guy online, he completely changed my life. It literally felt like he was my savior after all my suffering, he came into my life and completely changed it, he was so kind and gentle and caring, he told me I wouldn’t ever have to be scared again. He also worked in the veterinary field, so all my dog health anxiety, he helped significantly. He got me through a lot of tough times with my dogs health and one of the scariest years of my life. 

I really fell for him, we said we liked each other, talked about having a life together, him moving here. I ended up finding out he was lying to me and engaged to be married, in a long term relationship. At that point when I finally got him to stop denying the truth, we agreed we wanted to be together, and he told me it was complicated, and he needs someone by his side while he sorts things out. 

I had become so dependent on him, that I could not get myself to let him go, and agreed. The relationship has not been great, we fight, he is extremely cruel and mean, I’m so overwhelming and hard to deal with, which I think causes a lot of why he acts that way towards me. 

I feel so lost and alone, I have dealt with so much the past year, emotionally from this relationship, now again my dog is having issues. I noticed some stones in his urine, which means he is most likely going to have to go to the vet again. He was just there two months ago, I finally figured something out where my mom and sister could take him, found a vet I trust, my dog is very big and gets aggressive at the vet, this vet has gone above and beyond to be there and accommodate us and help. 

We are on a payment plan already, and they told us we can’t be on another, we are almost completely broke. He has insurance, but you still have to pay upfront, Cant qualify for care credit. I have no clue what to do, I’m waiting for a call back from the vet about it at this point, as of now no straining or blood or anything, and I just happened to catch his urine in a cup and notice the stones (I do this sometimes I’m paranoid so I like to check) 

I have kidney stones, my cat has bladder stones, this has been one of my worst fears for awhile with my dog. Now this on top of possibly having to figure out another vet, when I’m physically unable to get myself to go, but he’s so big and gets scared that it’s hard and I don’t trust anyone besides his current vet to handle him. Plus the possibility of him needing another surgery or something, I feel so alone and lost, I am terrified and on edge all the time, I feel like the only reason I’m not having constant panic attacks is because I’m dissociating. 

Nothing good ever happens, it is all constant anxiety or emotional torture, and heartbreak. I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m close to having myself admitted because I can’t deal with life and everything, it’s too much. My mom has been screaming at me saying she doesn’t care, and doesn’t want to deal with it. I’ve let my dog down