*currently undiagnosed* I am in therapy but my psychologist isn’t convinced I have a pd (yet). I resonate with the symptoms of BPD (except self harm) more than any other disorder so that’s why I’m here. It took really emotionally damaging my ex boyfriend for me to realise just how terrible I am. I am not proud of this at all and I’m not expecting sympathy, I just don’t know where to go from here. I really don’t feel as though I am capable of maintaining a healthy relationship any time soon, maybe ever, which is a scary thought but actions have consequences I suppose and I will not hurt anyone like I hurt my ex ever again, that is something I am 100% sure of and I absolutely will not let happen. I have like 3 close friends as I have sabotaged countless friendships over the years (and I am only 18) so I am focused on keeping these friendships healthy and happy. I am just really struggling to see the light right now because I don’t know how to overcome my self-hatred. The guilt and regret hurt just as much but at least it is motivating, however I kind of feel better off dead than alive tbh. My fear of turning out exactly like my (BPD? NPD?) father feels unsettlingly realistic. Any kind of advice would help please, thank you.