so i am almost entirely isolated and i only have a handful of people that i engage with in my life. my parents, my boyfriend/fp, and my best friend, we’ll call her carrie. 

carrie is my only friend outside of my SO/fp, we met a few years ago in a college town and both have since moved back to our hometowns. she lives 6 hours away from me and i’ve seen her once irl since 2018, but i’m not sure if any of that’s relevant. 

i usually text carrie about random stuff that i just want to chat about, causal stuff, and i don’t typically express my struggles to her. that’s because she’s had an increasing tendency to turn conversations ab me struggling into conversations about her struggling, so i haven’t really felt comfortable leaning on her for anything *real*. 

yesterday i texted her saying “i get why ppl like white claw now” bc it was my first time trying it and i liked how you can hardly taste the alcohol. 

her response was “I’ve tried them and I don’t like them that much tbh”. fine, i didn’t say she had to or anything. 

i responded with further explaining why i said what i said “cant taste the alcohol tho, higher content than like a smirnoff ice and you can taste it less, the flavor isn’t great but i get why people drink it” somewhat trying to defend/explain my stance bc it felt like she was judging me for bringing it up or smth. 

her response was “oh yeah no it’s super weak lmao”. i decided to not continue that convo bc it didn’t matter and i wasn’t ab to argue about fucking white claw lol. 

i responded with “fucking bww has cauliflower wings now” because a) i wanted to change the convo and b) i don’t eat meat and i always get excited when chains add veg offering to their menues, and a wing place was the last place i expected to see this option. i just wanted to share excitement a someone other than my fp sitting next to me eating real wings 

her response? “I mean good for them and ppl who dont eat chicken but their food is fucking gross lmao”. i didn’t reply to that text. 

she’s been shitting on things i share in the most casual manner like she’s on a pedestal and has all the right opinions and if you disagree with her you’re just wrong. even when we’re just talking about something irrelevant and random and having to do w her (bc it always is) i’ll respond adding info or a comment and she will respond starting the message with “oh” and then give me the reason why what i said was obviously wrong like OH how silly of you to have said that. just the other day she got back into her hometown after evacuating from the hurricane and let me know when she got there. i told her i was glad she got home safe and i bet she’s happy to be home. she responded with “oh i’m not home yet lol lm just in (insert city next to the one her apartment is in) i’ll go to homecity tomorrow”. like ?????? SO??? why the fuck does it matter where you are. all i’m saying is that i’m glad you’re safe and not 6 hours away from all the things you care about at home. 

i don’t want to lose her bc we’ve been through the ringer together and she’s the last person i speak to outside of my family and bf. i’m afraid of not having anyone else that i at least have the option to rant and let it all out if i ever want to bc i am not that close to my parents and my bf has a hard time understanding and sympathizing w my bpd (i don’t blame him im a LOT). 

i decided i wasn’t going to text her first and see when she texted me, because i text her every couple of days to ask her how she is and check up on her so i’m always the first to make contact. idk what i’m looking for here or why i’m posting. i just need to get it out. maybe y’all will have some advice on what to do and how to cope, though i’m not expecting anyone to even read this far and especially not reply. 

i’ll probably delete this, but if anyone has any words ab my situation i would appreciate it.