I've been in this dumb fucking rut for almost 6 months now, I've pushed away friends and family and soon I'll have nothing and no one left.  I think at this point I'm just looking for reasons to kill myself, I am just completely in capable of being a functioning human being anymore.  I've lost my boyfriend, my best friend, my family has decided to disown me, and I'm alienated from all of my peers.  I've been trying, I really have been, I've been doing everything in my power to make my life better, to make my life ever so slightly livable but nothing has worked.  I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of being hurt, I'm tired of losing the people I care about.  I just want it to end.  I'm a hopeless cause, therapists have essentially told me I'm a waste of time, I can't change no matter how hard I try.  i just don't know why I'm like this, why I can't just fucking be happy no matter what.  nothing works anymore and I'm done.