I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for close to a year. 6 months in a romantic relationship, 6 months as "friends". I was manipulated beyond belief and witnessed/experienced things that constantly haunt me. It's over now and has been for months but the constant battle with my head isn't.

&amp;#x200B;

Lately (the last 2 weeks or so) I've been having vivid nightmares and night sweats almost every night, sleep paralysis, intense anxiety to the point where I feel like I can't breathe or even swallow. I visualise things that he put me through for months on end which leaves me completely zoned out and frightened. I'm absolutely terrified of people and not knowing what their intentions are which is slowly affecting my social life. Flashbacks that I'm trying my best to avoid by staying busy which ultimately is leaving me feeling nothing but exhausted. I feel so numb, I self harmed last night just to feel something and even then I felt absolutely no pain, nothing. 

&amp;#x200B;

I'm having a really rough time and I don't know who to turn to or where to go. I've been completely discharged from mental health services and I'm scared that my GP will end up throwing another load of antidepressants at me. I feel so. fucking. tired. of battling this constant shit. I don't even know what this is, is it even BPD related? Fuck.