To begin with, I am an addict. I know and accept this fact and am doing my best to change as best I can. The truth is I'll always be an addict, but I hope in time I can find the strength to be a sober addict. So that's my preface.

The drug in question is cocaine. It brings me up and not unexpectedly brings me down. Every time I do it I feel overwhelmed by shame and guilt and torture myself with unkind thoughts of myself until it wears off. This happens every time, and even in the knowing I can't stop myself. While the drug itself is physically addictive I often think that I may be more addicted to the suffering and pain that comes with it. I end up binging for days and sometimes weeks. 

I depersonalize frequently and in this case it's mostly due to the drugs. I know I have to find a way to stop using and I will, I have before. What I'm looking and asking for at this moment are any tips that might relieve the sense of disconnect in the short term. I feel like I'm outside of my life, interacting with people feels foreign and uncomfortable (even friends) and makes it hard to go to work. I also feel like I'm "not human." I had sex this evening with a casual partner, it's usually fantastic, and while I wanted to do it I felt no arousal, excitement, or connection. I've forgotten how to feel.

So my question is, what do you do to get through depersonalization episodes? In the long term I understand that the drug use has to stop, and I'm working on being kinder to myself and achieving that goal. For now though this particular symptom is making me suffer greatly. It would just really help to hear from people who have experienced this kind of detachment from the world (drug use or not). This place has always been good for support and I hope I can reach at least one person who understands. Thanks so much for reading all the way through. 