My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me today, and I can still remember the day I first met him. He was the chaser and I was just looking for a friend. He considered me the one girl he was always looking for.
I, on the other hand, was the independent girl, who felt like she could find nobody to love. 
We started off as friends, and with each passing day I grew closer to him, opening myself up, learning to love someone truly for the first time. We were in love, but I was constantly questioning everything.I’m retrospect, I always loved him so much, but I still said such hurtful things. We had multiple fights, and each time I felt like that wasn’t me who said all those mean things. I knew exactly what I was doing, I was hyper aware, but I could not seem to control my emotions, no longer how hard I tried. Then came the wave of guilt for acting out, which would stay with me for days after each fight, slowly eating away at my self worth. 
All this while my boyfriend, now ex, was losing feelings for me. And I’m not stupid, I knew what the consequences of my actions would hold for me, but I could never, EVER, control my reactions to situations. I gave it my 100 percent, that I’m sure, but it could not undo the damage.
In the last few months, (the last leg of our relationship) I had drastically improved, and he said so too. I had been going to therapy and working on my core beliefs. And bam, he announces that he had lost feelings for me a long time ago. I knew deep down he was slowly losing it for me, while my love for him was growing stronger. I cannot begin to express the pain I’m in, knowing all well that it is because of how I am. I hate myself thoroughly for this. I just lost the most amazing person I’ve ever met.