I know it doesn't make sense, but she's ruining my life. 

She's my english teacher, one of those karen-looking nasty old ladies. I hate her, I really, really hate her. She's annoying and apparently takes pleasure into hurting people's feelings. 

I can't stop thinking about her, I want to talk to her and text her all day. And every time I look at her I realize how much I actually love her and how much my life revolves around her. I hate this, because she's hated by everyone at our school but I can't stop. 

I've talked a lot during the school year, she knows many things about me like my self harm and other issues, so last week I emailed her asking if we could talk about it, and she still hasn't answered. I'm sure she read that email, but yesterday in class she screamed at me for half an hour because I couldn't do an exercise, revealing half of the things I told her to the class and making me cry. And what did I do? wrote her another email to apologize. What the hell is wrong with me.

I need to forget about her, or get another fp, but it's really, really hard, Any advice?