I genuinely hate how much this entire fucking thing sucks and how i feel like i have zero control over everything and how I feel. 

I don't want to have an FP. I don't want my feelings to be dependent on what they have to say or do. I don't want to feel hurt just because I assume they say something in a "mean" or "rude" way. I don't want to question their feelings about me all the time. 

I also just want to be understood. That this thing totally fucks with your feelings, your impulsively, your life. And I just want people to understand how I feel. To fully understand the intensity of my emotions, especially when they're negative.

I just want people to know that when they hurt me, it's not just small aching pain that goes away, but one that travels through my entire being, my entire soul and rips me apart. That no amount of words in the english language, or any language, could ever fully express the pain I feel when hurts me or God forbid, leaves me. 

I just want people to understand that I'm trying. And It's hard for me to control. But I'm trying. 

But most importantly I just want to feel normal. Just for one day. I just want to be okay. Just for one day. Is that too much to ask?

Straight up, fuck, this, shit. We don't deserve to feel this way. No one does.