I know this is the embodiment of pain for many of us.

And I'd like to share my developing self-awareness that has come after 'f*cking' up a relationship.

Courtesy of me so you don't have to feel the same extreme guilt, even though you probably will just by reading this and empathizing.

So here are the ways I've f*cked up romantic relationships (or any relationship):

(1) I'd refuse to accept the other person's pov.

When you allow delusions to control your mindset, you're going to end up believing that your partner or former partner is against you. That's why you so strongly believe they are being the 'villain' and split in the moment. Then the importance of communication is overlooked. Then you regret splitting as you say hateful and hurtful things, as you feel like you've been wronged without understanding your mind is currently warped by paranoia and emotional pain.

So it can be triggering, but if you can take breaks and equate that another pov doesn't mean the person will leave or hurt you, you will find slow improvements. Please communicate this!!!!

(2) Splitting.

I mentioned this in point #1 but essentially, it's the notion of thinking your partner is suddenly a villain because your bpd is constantly looking for possible signs of manipulation or any form of hurting you.

Splitting is a horribly regretful and painful cycle which has torn me apart from the inside. It's a trauma loop that you should work to heal from, no matter how you view your worth. Because it's incredibly detrimental and will always push yourself and others away.

(3) Getting into a relationship without therapy or support.

This is a huge stupid yikes on my part. Managing bpd is difficult but this doesn't mean I or you or anyone else can put their emotional weight and traumas onto the shoulder's of their partner as their new appointed therapist. 

Oversharing often feels desperate and I know it's just a way for us to try to feel understood. But we need to seriously instate boundaries or we will drown, alongside the relationship.

Learn to overshare in a diary, a therapist or dedicate your time to self practice DBT, join counseling groups and learn to manage anxiety from podcasts + youtube.

(4) Not committing to boundaries.

If you can't let your partner breathe and have space, if you can't communicate that you need time to interpret your partner's response and if you can't take care of your wellbeing due to mood swings, you're going to end up having a horrible time.

And the horrible time would mean, you can still love your partner very much but your anxiety will be paramount and feel as if you're going to be abandoned since you love this person so much...without understanding much of the healthy expectations boundaries play a huge role in.

(5) not knowing your attachment style or BPD type.

I only learned this recently that there are different sub-types of BPD and how this can cater to your attachment or more specifically how you view yourself. For example, impulsive BPD can make you seem really charismatic and promiscuous but you are prone to being self-destructive. 

Common attachment styles are fearful and anxious with BPD but you may also show signs of avoidant attachment. Impulsive BPD can be anxious attachment and fearful because you feel the need to act sexually and be perfect to seem 'cool' and highly attractive over anyone else, so you aren't abandoned.

(6) constantly feeling like you're going to be abandoned.

This and abandonment being the epiphany of s*cidal thoughts, even if it isn't real, is a perplexed hell of BPD. 

If you constantly feel like people are going to abandon you, you're putting your self worth into that person and how they value you.

That's not healthy (of course not, it's a BPD insecurity).

And I'm currently working on this, but it you can feel happy without a partner or without a favourite person; most importantly, are happy to spend time with yourself and you can see this by no longer feeling paranoid by people's intents, 

(7)* not being able to let a relationship go.

Relationships can end. It doesn't have to be a permanent ending but if you're scared to lose this person due to the fact that your self-esteem changes, then you need to learn self-love. 

I do miss my ex but I'm not going to pursue him when he's working out his own life, meeting new people, and I've repeatedly hurt his feelings.

...You'll feel happy and feel that you have self-worth.

I really hope this thread can start a discussion and please don't feel like it's impossible to improve or be loved when you have BPD. 

It can especially feel hard since I wasn't even aware of most of these negative traits (by that I mean how I'm affecting someone else), and why I'd do them until this very relationship that is important to me. I analyzed it A LOT to learn these traits and it's been helping me a ton.

&gt;&gt;&gt;We are all here for each other and it's important to love in the moment.

I love you guys!!!

You are strong and beautiful!!!