Since I born without one month. My parents left me at different nannies house. In my country, parents can pay money to a stranger women who can take care children in their(nanny)own house. They called them as nannies. In those years, my parents did not  meet me at nannies house. My grandma help me to transfer to different “families” . Grandma was only one relative I connect before 6 years old.  Those stories was my grandma told me. She loved me, but she wasn’t healthy enough to took care me.  Most nannies they did not have any training, they just take care kids as a job.   I was live with couple kids. They were same situation as me. My first memories was the 6 years old birthday gift. That was a doll , she had a big blue eyes and yellow hair. She wore a pink skirt.  I was so excited to see it. That was my first time know my parents. My grandma leaded me to front of two strangers, and let me call them “ papa, mama”.  The lady hold my blue eyes doll birthday gift , and let me call her “mama” first.  Then before school year (7years old) I lived with my parents. That was a nightmare time for me. All my memories was they always fighting and blaming each other.  When my dad got angry, he always published me. I remembered one day, he throw me to the wall, I broke my leg. I stay at bed 2 months.  My mom gambling, when she lost the game, I got publish too. She like bite me.  I still remember clearly her screaming always. The nightmare done at one year later. My parents send me to school, I started to lived with different teachers house with couple kids.


Sorry, I just wanna write them down. Too long to boring. But those all the part of my life , and those are why I can’t have a stable relationship with anyone. I just got know I my have BPD from my ex Boyfriend.   We just broke up one month