Hey fellow borderline's, I was wondering if anyone else has issues with guilt and feeling you've done something wrong all the time?

I do, I consider myself quite stable now and I've changed into a different person, it's taken a long time but after 18 months of therapy, fighting off addiction, stopping suicide attempts and self harming less frequently (no cutting etc anymore I just take it out on myself via exercising too much). And although I've moved on from the life I had before I changed, I constantly struggle with guilt and feeling I've done something wrong. Even though I've acknowledged that I had problems with addiction and my BPD, I've apologised (in fact I probably apologize too much) for how I hurt, traumatized and upset people, I know that was wrong. But I'm not that person anymore, I feel like I'm constantly trying to make up for what I did (which I know was very very wrong), and feel guilty when anything goes wrong even if it's not my fault at all. I even let people get away with upsetting me or making me feel bad because it's like my head is telling me "you are in the wrong no matter what because it's what you deserve" or "well you've always got things wrong in the past so this must be your fault too". I know that the answer is to just move on from the past and accept it but I keep getting stuck in the same BPD cycle of self criticism, which leads to more self hatred and then goes back in a circle again. Apparently I'm making the person I live with offended by feeling I've done something wrong when she's not actually telling me I'm in the wrong, she's just pointing out facts that lead me to think I've fucked up, and that my guilt is selfish because I'm only thinking of myself, when it's actually the opposite, I'm thinking too much about others feelings and not actually my own which then leads me to feel guilty. But it's hard to explain to her, I understand it must be frustrating for her and I'm sorry that it happens, I just don't know how to break this cycle. It's almost like when it happens a get a PTSD'ish feeling of the life I lived before I got better and I'm suddenly transported back to that time, I was a very different woman 3 years ago so it de stabilises me to feel like "her" again. It's strange I know and I've probably not even described it all properly but hopefully something makes sense to someone reading this. 

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else gets issues with similar things?

Thank you for reading ☯️