I have been with him for almost 10 years and I have always stood by him. Things have especially gotten bad the past year with his fear of abandonment and jealousy of anyone I hang out with. It's like every week we go from highs to insane lows where he takes everything out on me that is wrong with his life. Hes even exhibited jealousy towards me because I am social and outgoing. A few days ago we had a huge fight because I brought up that I finally wanted to go to school for something I have always loved. The past 4 years I have dedicated my life to our child and our home and I want to do something for me and he spiraled out because it didn't involve him and we have talked about creating stuff together which I still want to do but I also want to go to college. It was complete madness, what I wanted triggered him so bad that he went suicidal.

 I am at a loss at what I should do... I feel I have been enabling him by constantly compromising parts of myself so he can sleep at night. He has become so codependent that even the thought of me going and doing things as an individual is to intense for him. I love him, hes my best friend. I don't know why by just by being me causes him so much pain and triggers him so much. I almost left a year ago but stuck it out... I just worry about the environment that we are living in. It can be really toxic and i struggle sometimes to hold space for him when he goes off the deep end. I know couples counselling is an option but he really makes it hard for us to take that step because he hates all therapists and pretty much any human being. I feel so defeated and lost right now. Any advice is appreciated. 