To preface this I'm like dead alone rn even tho I live with roommates I don't interact with them at all and I could die in my bed and my body would get all mummified and shit before anyone would notice. And im trying to put myself out there where I can just on all the stupid apps even though nothing has ever led from that not even a conversation. But like today I was walking on a trail for the first time this year to try and do something other than just lay in my sadness. And I always have a tiny hope that I'll come across some cute girl and have a conversation or whatever. And then a few minutes after i think that to myself I see one walking towards me and I have to remind myself that nothings gonna happen just not to look weird make eye contact for a second say hello and what not. But it's literally this girl from my work that I had a weird interaction with once and she's ignored me since. Basically the only person at my job that it would be awkward if we saw each other out of work and not only that but of all the people in this city it just has to be her the literal only person I even passed on the trail.

And then a couple days ago one of the only matches I get on bumble is this girl I used to be semi close with in my past. And she asks me why I'm so close and I tell her where I am and she says I was just wondering like nothing else just where are you oh cool whatever I don't actually care I was just asking. 

And then a couple weeks ago I change my pfp on fb making a lighthearted joke about how I'm a piece of garbage or whatever. So my aunt sends me a message saying they'd love to take me out to lunch or dinner sometime. And instead of that my uncle has me come over to do 8 hours of raking leaves and yardwork and then gets me a chicken sandwich from McDonald's. And i dont get a we'll do something later like that's the one interaction I'll have with them for months. And as a 'gift' I get a "how to win friends and influence people" book. I already don't have the motivation to watch YouTube videos I have saved let alone a book that's in my face laughing at my loneliness. 

If you cant tell already there's a lot of and thens lol...And then another girl that I drunkenly tried to booty call years ago adds me on fb a few months ago and recently laugh reacts to my new pfp about being a piece of garbage. I messaged her about it and she said it was like haha good one like same but doesn't comment that; just is the only person that I don't really know that reacts to my picture and logically would think she's laughing at me. 

And then about a month ago there's a new girl at work that is the only one there that tried to talk to me. My phone was in the window on snapchat news stories and she takes it from me and puts in her snapchat which was cute like I haven't had someone do something like that in years. Then she quits and I ask her about it and she literally forgot who I was and then just asks me how everyone at work is when i work 2 days and aren't close with any of them then drops the conversation.

Last one lol I go to get my haircut and in conversation I tell the girl where I work and she tells me she goes there all the time and the one person she likes that she name drops is the girl who basically emotionally forced me into a relationship that I stopped interacting with at the end of the year. All of this happened basically within the last month and a half and it's just so fucking awful I don't understand how I'm supposed to keep trying and find meaningful relationships anywhere when it's literally just bullshit worthless dumb shit always in my face. Like I know how; Im only 24 and I know the only way to get anything real is to keep trying but when it's just non stop garbage it gets overwhelming. Guess I'm just curious if anyone has had similar little interactions that pile up that are emotionally draining when it's just them and nothing meaningful to help not think about them