I was discharged yesterday from my second stay in the psych ward this year. I’m dealing with two heartbreaks because I wasn’t mature enough to commit to the healing process after the first break up and jumped right back into a second relationship. 

I feel so lonely. Like I can’t function without that type of love in my life, but I know that I need to commit to healing myself right now. It’s just that it’s hard to hold on to hope when I don’t feel like I have something to get better for. Sure I don’t want to feel like this any more, but that doesn’t give me the motivation to try. 

I feel like I’ve learned so much about myself and my illness this year, but even this “progress” does nothing to help the pain I feel in myself.

I want this time to be different, I can’t take the aftermath of burning my life down again. Standing the in shambles is a feeling I’ve grown too familiar with. It’s just so much.