I don't know what to do, im going to therapy, im taking medicine and trying to do well, but everything seems worthless to me. I try to pretend that i have advanced, that i don't have suicidal thoughs anymore, but i lie. 
I want to do nothing. I don't want to spend time with my family, i can barely enjoy being with my boyfriend.
I don't want to kill myself, at all, but being alive hurts.
I wish I had not been born, it'd be better for everyone i know