Hahaha, I love doing my best to support my friends when they're in a bad place only to find out they will never, ever do the same for me. I totally love having to live with the morbid information that the only reason why one of them didn't down an entire bottle of pills a week ago was because I managed to keep them distracted long enough for the episode to pass. I love having the exact same people go completely radio silent on me when I'm having a major depressive episode. I love seeing them openly support each other through the bad times, the same way I do for both of them, but neither ever doing the same for me and leaving me to just flounder alone. I'm not even actively suicidal or anything, just feeling really fucking low and spiraling into even greater depths of sadness. Having both of them flat out tell me to stop talking to them about it because they don't want to deal with it sure is helping me not spiral into even greater depths of depression. I love putting a lot of emotional labor into helping them through their worst moments because I care about them and worry for them constantly with how often they both become suicidal, only for them to never, ever be there for me. And I look forward to them saying in a few weeks that they weren't here for me now because they 'knew I needed space' when its, very, very obvious that I need them to be around for my sake for once.