All over the place I am. 
It’s always up or down.
I can’t seem to get control of how to feel better.
What is help, I don’t want to be alone anymore. What I’ve had which is now gone is hard to fathom that it will never be again. My life literally has no meaning. No one seems impacted by what I do. I’m largely influenced by others to do well or to be happy. And now there’s no one barely even family. My mind is a prison where the keys are getting further and further out of reach.