So, part of BPD is intense relationships - the fear of abandonment. Looking at this board for the last 2 years, it seems like there are three types of people here: attached (long term/married), unattached, and serial relationship. I'm not judging, just observing.

I'm part of the middle set - I *was* married, but long story short, I've been single for 4 years now. I've gone back to school, but it's community college and I'm 34. (daytime classes, no one within 10 years of my age) I go to church regularly, but everyone my age is either engaged or married. (literally). I've had a couple internet dates, but just one-time dates, no relationships. 

How do you meet people??

I am so lonely. I'm always the 3rd wheel (or 5th, or 7th). I only really have 3 or 4 close friends, everyone else I interact with on Facebook. And NONE of those friends live nearby, all are 45min-2 hrs away. My parents are my main social contacts, and as much as I love them and I'm glad to only be a 10 minute drive away - I feel absolutely *pathetic*.

It's gotten to the point that I actually envy people who fall in and out of love all the time. I am touch starved. I heard about women in Japan that you can pay to snuggle with you (in a non-sexual way) and that sounds amazing. I have thought about "dangerous behavior" like hooking up with someone on Craigslist, or dressing slutty and going to a bar. Hell, I've even wondered if there were any straight male escort services around. 

Even when I was married, I didn't have my needs met. (My ex didn't treat me well, rejected me sexually, never brought me/went with me to gatherings, called me whiney and a nagger.) I see other people's relationships, relationships in movies/tv/books and the constant refrain in my brain is: **I want that**

I'm probably a 6 or 7 looks wise. (I've received genuine compliments - not just polite ones) I am overweight, size 16, but for the last 2 months I have been swimming for an hour almost daily, so hopefully I'll drop a size or two soon. I hide my crazy pretty well - very few people know more than my being treated for depression/anxiety. After half of my life being in therapy and medicated, my close friends say that I "don't seem mental". I have a good sense of humor, and make my friends and family laugh. I like sports, prefer action movies over romance. But when I have messaged guys on OKCupid, Match, and eHarmony 9 times out of 10 I don't get a response.

So how do you do it? How do you meet people? 

(ETA: typos)