Is this a thing that happens with bipolar? Or is it more random? I have been warring against my diagnosis because I'm not even convinced I have bipolar I think I have borderline. But I have mixed episode symptoms right now and I checked my notes app and a year ago I had the same exact symptoms in an episode. Is having an annual episode schedule a thing? Or is this more likely to be environmental than neural? Not even sure if this post makes sense or if I have given enough info to elicit responses. I'm just kind of in a weird place i guess and want feedback, maybe guidance and validation.

I just feel like I'm a prodigy but also like I want nothing more than to remove myself from the earth. Very weird duality one might say