Idk if the title made any sense whatsoever. So I'll just lay out the situation.

So I'm still living with my parents while I apply for disability. My parents weren't my main abusers but they certainly didn't help. 

I've felt so completely trapped my entire life. Trapped into what my family and teachers etc. expect me to be. I've never been able to even think of who or what I want to be because I've always been so busy working towards what other people want me to be/do. 

I feel like I need some drastic change in my life and if I get it I really think it would help me a lot. But I can't make any of those changes because I'm stuck. I don't have money or a job on account of my disability. I can't move out at all. I can't go out and make friends because I have no money. I can't do anything of the things I want to do both because of money, and because everyone expects me to want to do other things. I'm stuck unable to be myself.

Everyone I talk to about this says "Well you need to live your life how you want to live it, not how other people want you to live it" but fuck dude, thats hard when you have no avenue to pursue the things you want to do. And when you live with hyper critical people who still don't shut the fuck up about you doing something small like going vegan, or getting your ears pierced. 

I can't even really dress the way I want to without constant ridicule. And again, people say. Well don't care what other people think. If it makes you happy thats all that matters. Which is all well and good. But again, when you already have NO self esteem and you're trying to branch out and get shot down nonstop and ridiculed for liking what you like then its kind of hard to not care what other people think.

I guess this turned into more of a rant than anything. Sorry. But does anyone else feel the same way?