Noticing the change of light hue.. yeah..and observing my dim lit room become a bit brighter and transform into a dim shade of blue...realizing I spent the whole night essentially waiting for the sun to rise... realizing I have nothing to live for, no obligations, plans for the day...I'm actually greatful i don't have to go out there. I'd lose my mind...I don't think I'm capable of doing the bare minimum of making sure to sustain my meaningless life...I can't bring myself to live a lie not anymore...I'm actually greatful I'm not homeless but simultaneously ashed by being a burden to my overly generous parents...I'd be dead without them. And that's confusing bc idk how to feel about that...idk wtf is going on anymore. It's been so long now it's become natural to lose myself over the smallest of real world observations or just making shit up in my mind...it just doesn't feel real anymore...the shame, pain both physical and mental...I'd like to think I've ascended lol, to nothingness...I'm such a POS *sigh