I hate the fact that I'm even alive, that I breathe. I'm so tired of my life, I never even wanted to fckn be born. I honestly wish I could go back to before I were born and NOT give my consent. Bc now I have depression, anger issues, and really bad anxiety. I started ✂️ again... After 4 years without having a single thought or even touching my skin. Now, this is the second time and I am terrified. Bc I hate myself, I hate my life (which is not bad) I just quit my job, currently looking for one, I don't have insurance to go c a therapist. Stay at home mom for now looking for extra income wherever I care. I have a family and man that love me, I have a roof over my head... Why do I still feel like this? 
Every single damn day I wish I weren't born, I wish I was dead,  every little inconvenience in my life makes me irritated and at the end of the day I end up feeling bad and blaming myself for things that weren't even my fault. My anxiety is off the rooftops, I cry every day,  my thoughts are getting worse and there was a whole azs drop of blood and that shit makes me queasy... Sooo yeah... Idk wth to do...
I'm just venting. Thank you if you took the time to read it.