TW: being blocked everywhere (I know that’s not a normal TW but it triggered me lol) 

So I just saw a super stupid tik tok where some girl was just like looking al happy and proud and powerful and there was like some sorta triumphant laugh audio playing and the caption said “the person who I have blocked everywhere just emailed me. THE POWER I HOLD!!!” 

My ex has blocked me everywhere, so during the ending parts of our relationship (and even now as I’m trying to get him to mail me back my fucking things) I’m forced to email him because he has me blocked everywhere else. 

I already felt SO extremely powerless because of it. Being blocked makes you feel so fucking insignificant and small and stupid and out of control and just so many bad things. I was already so so embarrassed that I had to email him from my weird back-alley-ass account that I wasn’t blocked on, when I had to communicate with him. Before, I really tried to convinced myself that he just blocked me for his own mental health, or to stop himself from messaging me or something. But seeing that tik tok just wiped ALL of that self convincing away. 

Like, now I’m certain that every time I’ve had to/ I have to send him a fucking email, he feels this rush of power like he’s so much better than me, he’s reminded that I’m beneath him and don’t even deserve the ability to send him a text like a normal fucking person, and I don’t know how to fucking handle it.