It’s so weird. I feel no pleasure from anything I do. No positive emotions what so ever. Feel completely voided of any happiness or joy. Doesn’t matter what I’m doing I’m always chronically thinking about suicide. On top of that my negative emotions are still SO INTENSE. Depression, anger, hopeless, shame is so mentally intense and especially the physically sensations that manifest. When my emotions get intense I have this extremely strong impulse to carve my fucking wrist in or bang my head against the wall. My brain starts yearning for anything that will turn the lights off. For moment the negative emotions subside and then I’m back to feeling so dull and emotionless. I can never fucking win and the people around me seem to be minimizing what I’m going through and it makes me ANGRY. Like I want them to feel how I feel for a day and then come back and tell me to fucking accept what I’m going through or distract myself by doing something I enjoy or productive. How tf am I supposed to do that when I’m obsessing over suicide and having extremely intense suicide ideation for 95% or the day only to relive it 6 hours later when I wake up. I’m so fed up at this point. I feel so alone I don’t know how to put how I feel into words when I want to be vulnerable with others.