I thought I was patching things up with my ex of two years who was just angry and aggressive alllll the time until this weekend. I left her in April and very shortly after she saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed as BPD. I remember vividly her calling me one day, in tears after I had been moved out for about a month, saying how nobody will ever love her again and that she’s broken and how the BPD explains everything about her growing up. 

Things broke down way too far and we were left not speaking. She called me in July though and she seemed like she wanted to patch things up. “Just wanted to see how you’re doing”. I had already started writing a hand written letter (15 pages, she had a thing about handwriting) and sent that with a few other things including a Tiffany’s compass. 

I talked about a lot of things, but a few things stood out.  My cat died after I moved out and I told her about that. She loved my cat (pure bred silver Bengal) and we saved her with 6000$ of our own money right before I left (somehow we went from surfing on clouds to breaking up in less than a week). I talked about everything I missed about us and her and described how much her anger was hurting me ; and how it was the only thing keeping us apart. She must have tried breaking up with me or kicking me out of our apartment 4 or 5 times. It was unstable. I finished with, “keep this compass until we find each other again”. 

After having the care package for three months she brought everything back to my place and left it on my doorstep with a hastily written note. She basically wrote back “I don’t know how to say this but I don’t want to be in a relationship any more”.  Not just with me, but the way it was phrased it was “not with anyone”. As someone with bipolar I was not expecting to be the guiding light in our relationship. 


So. Back to the original question. What was that like? What brought you to that point? Were you just hyper aware or did it come after a breakup or an abusive ex? Let me know