Try to make a long story short. 
I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was 14, used to get bullied a lot. Grew up and joined the marine corp and it actually helped with my depression and anxiety. I got a year ago and I I haven’t been the same. I moved to a new city for school and I met a girl, fell in love, and she eventually broke up with me. She ended being narcissist. Fell back into depression after the break up, but eventually focused on myself, gym, school, work, hiking, and even painting. I though it would make me happy focusing on my self and learning to get over my past issues and love myself and some days I do. I’m proud of my accomplishments, my appearance, and who I am. But still hate myself for my past sometimes and even for my break up. I don’t talk to myself or look her up on social media. I was seeing therapist but stopped for financial reasons. I always feel empty and have no motivation. I always feel split between loving myself and hating myself. If that makes sense??