About 4 months ago I had a serious talk with my gf about how I feel. We're together for 2 years and a few months, and we sleep together lots of times, so she has already experienced more than enough my mood swings, my depressive states when I can't leave the bed and my irritability. So 4 months ago I finally decided to tell her my self diagnosis (I never went to a psychologist), and after a lot of research I concluded I might have BPD. She apologysed for not being as supportive as she should have been and for not noticing, and she told me she would help and be more understanding, but we never talked about it again.
Yesterday we were lunching with her mom at home and watching tv and two lawyers and a shrink were discussing the case about a guy who killed his baby, filmed it and sent it to his wife. They were discussing wether the guy should be treated in a psychiatric hospital because he has BPD or sentenced. Her mother asked what borderline is and my gf DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS so she researched. I stayed quiet and didn't say a word because it really hit me. I know I have to talk to her and say how I feel about it. But what does it mean about her? I lost all my friends because of my impulsive behaviours and she's my only rock. This really hurt me. I'm 19, I want to be treated but I don't have the courage.