14f, dad used to beat mum and my mum has said goodbye to me before because she thought my dad was gonna kill her, seen my dad strangling my mum and calling out for her help, had to run away multiple times, and I thought I was gonna die before because my dad was slapping my mum while he was drun kind she was going down a highway. my dad is also the reason why I wasn't tested for adhd at a young age. I am being tested atm and so far it says that I have inattentive type adhd but I am suspecting that I have combined type, I have not got an official diagnosis yet. this brings me into my first point, do I just have inattentive type adhd and bpd or bipolar or do I just have adhd and that's it? I am suspecting I have ODD too and even my teachers have called me "defiant" here's all my symptoms I guess:
easily distracted
zoning out / daydreaming
periods of high energy
can't get out of bed some days
no motivation to see friends or do things I normally love some days
hyperfixations
body image issues
personality mimicking, changing my personality based on who I am with
easily irritated, maybe because of sensory overload?
body image issues
If I accidentally step on a stair a certain way I have to do it 3 more times and then sometimes 3 more and 3 more and on and on
this used to be a really big issue when I was around 11
self harming when a mild inconvenience happens
really bad sleep schedule
trouble falling asleep
intrusive thoughts tbat have made me very upset but apparently instructive thoughts are the brain telling u not to do it because it knows its wrong examples of this include things such detailed ideas or "plans" on how to kill a family member (I know this sounds really bad but I would never actually do this) like there was multiple occasions where my mum had a client over for nails and my brain was just syaing to me "what if you just went and got a kitchen knife and stabbed both of them? they wouldn't be able to stop you" another example of intrusive thoughts is jumping off high areas or stabbing myself when holding a sharp object,it's gotten to the point where I am scared of heights and try not to use knives a lot. I also have unwanted thoughts about death and about how once I die or age that's it I'm just gone and this has caused me to physically react such as saying no no no and shutting my eyes just so I don't think about it I have cried over that thought before
very sensitive, taking things to heart when others were just joking or meant no harm
prefer hugging friends and spending time with friends rather than with family, probs to do with how family time used to be in the past
times where I am obsessed with tracking calories
not eating all day then binging at night
but times when my eating is completely normal
sometimes I think about like twitching my neck and then I feel the need to do it a few more times, also happens with things like blinking aggressively or moving in a specific way
eat and pick at the skin around my nails to the point where I bleed
if if have a hang nail or piece of skin sticking out around my nails I need to bite or rip it off otherwise I will lfeel so restless to the point I may cry
always picking at bumps and stuff on my skin and cannot stop once I get started,if I try not too it may frustrate me to the point where I cry
mum has called me violent and my first course of action when someone annoys me is shouting and hitting them or something

I am not looking for a diagnosis, just would like a general opinion on what people think it is
many thanks x