I know how to do it where to get the drug, my battles been going on for years but lately I can feel myself slowly sliding closer to the edge. The sad part is the closer I get to the edge the less I feel like it’s even worth trying, so I the less I wanna get help.
Before you say to, yes I’ve been trying to get help. I contacted well over two dozen psychiatrists. Literally straight off my insurances website labeled as psychs that take my insurance. I left messages for ones I got voicemail, didn’t hear back from some and some got back to me saying they didn’t take my insurance (despite getting the info from insurance website) or that they aren’t a psychiatrist (despite the insurance website as well). I need a psychiatrist because I need a deep, educated evaluation of my brain. Something is so wrong with my brain, I know that. I know that I am sick, I know that my life is worth something. But I also know that I’m so engulfed in sadness, in loneliness, in obsessive compulsive thoughts and behaviors that 95% of the people in my life wouldn’t be able to understand.
Knowing all this, I also know there’s a way out. Seemingly like a peaceful destination, and I can feel my fingers slipping.