I cannot tell you how much it hurts when you send out a message and it gets left on read for almost two days now. I’ve seen him online frequently today. 

I just don’t understand it. I’ve tried checking the facts, mentalizing, avoiding my phone, etc. 

But I literally feel like I’m on fire. My chest aches, I feel like there’s thousands of bricks on my head. I feel like I’m being strangled and the only way the tension will be released in my body is if I self-harm. My mom noticed how distressed I was and took my sharps away. I can’t help but resent her, even though I know she’s helping.

I hate this. Why do I have to hurt like this? Why can’t I hurt like a normal person? Why is it the end of the world for me? Why do I torture myself and watch that green dot until it disappears? Why can’t anyone around me empathise with this pain? 

What should I do?