Yesterday my girlfriend and I broke up after living together for 3 years and being together for quite a while before that it feels earth shattering but also I'm surprised by how comfortable I feel? I had to acknowledge the toxicity I brought to the relationship from my bpd and trust issues regarding an earlier problem in the relationship and decided that if I was going to work on being a better version of myself I needed to stop using her as an emotional crutch. It breaks my heart because I still love her but we were heading towards a really dark end and I'm glad it happened how it happened. I'm still living with her but sleeping on the couch for now and not sure what my plans are because she can't afford to live her without me but she loves this house so much and I don't want to put more pressure on her than I already have. I just don't want to hurt her anymore and I'm really glad that she understands that and we are actually the best we have been in months over the last 2 days since the breakup happened. I can communicate with her and we even laughed genuinely something I can't remember us doing in the last 6 month's of our relationship so it's not like living here is toxic but I think it will just make everything harder eventually. I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just somewhere to vent. I'm heartbroken but I'm healing and I think I can finally work on my mental health and the things I've never healed on my own.