Being on hormone replacement therapy, essentially going through puberty again in my mid-20’s, is challenging in and of itself. That alone could give me a lot of the mood swings and such that look like BPD.

Thing is, I’ve had BPD since loooong before then. So this is nothing new. It’s just that little bit extra now. Instead of just savagely beating up on myself for the people I’ve hurt and my directionless life, now it’s all that *plus* my mind screaming internalized hate at me. “You’re not real, you’re just manipulating people into going along with your charade, you don’t deserve this after the pain you’ve caused others, give up and be miserable.”

Therapy, as well as some pretty heavy anti-anxiety/anti-depressants, have been helping, but still. I already have had a hard enough time accepting myself for the 20+ years I hid in the closet, m, having BPD’s challenges on top of it makes it all feel extremely heavy.