I used to live in a small town and moved to a massive city a week ago- my friend lives in another huge city too, and i just never got to see her. Now she lives and hour away, and she came to help me move in.

Now, i just wanna give up.

I feel complete with them and feel like i’m only 100% comfortable and understood around them. It felt nice for once to enjoy myself and who i am. But i can’t now. I feel like i did before i went to inpatient a year or two ago. I don’t wanna be here.

I ended up relapsing and self harming the day after. Why can’t i just be happy alone? Why do i feel abandoned when someone has to leave and it has nothing to do with me? Why did life have to be this way for me to even have this disorder?

I don’t know. Lifes so unfair. I just wanna disappear from everyone’s lives and whoever’s associated with me. It’d be better for me, atleast that’s what i think with bpd. even if it’s wrong.