how do i even begin to start. i was so numb. such in a low. my best friend of 16 years had just ghosted me and moved states. mom was more than worried. nothing was right. i was self harming. i was numb. medicated, therapy 2 times a week. than my life saw an up. i got closer with friends, sports were good, grades were good. it became easier to see the positive. i really was happy. a boy came into my life. i promised i wouldn’t let a guy control me. at first i had no interest in him.than we became close. i had no interest in telling anyone. expect he do so we told people. than it became a thing. than he dropped me. with. no. explanation. now i have to face him everyday. i feel so broken. i have relapsed in every sort of way. i’m so mad at myself. so numb. it’s just the fact that i have to walk around knowing he is okay. people feel pity for me but like it means nothing. i think i’m doing good at some points but than i feel like i’m suffocating i don’t understand what do i do to make people run with no explanation 
i just don’t know what’s wrong. i don’t think i care that much u just an so upset like u don’t knwo why my heart is spinning my heart hurts so much i don’t wnat to be around anyone i just wnat to die i don’t understand what i tw thes smae cycle…
i let someone in 
i get abandoned 
i don’t get an answer 
i shut down
repeat 
why 
why
did i let it happened 
it’s the not getting an answer that drives me crazy that makes me absolutely want to stop breathing. what makes me so repulsive i’m just nothing to anyone. i try so hard. i think this is it for me tbh