I dont want to die but I dont want to live. I'm tired of the intrusive thoughts. I'm sad about how my life is bound to stay the same boring and uneventful. I feel I have to constantly put on a happy face. I overcame this pain caused by shitty men and heartbreak once but now its hit me so hard. She is so mych better than me. I am nothing in his eyes. I can never beat that and now in live I have to settle for less. I hate the way my life is. I know that's ungrateful to say but the pain is so unfair and unbearable. I want to cry but canr because I have to be fake to live.