I guess it sounds weird, but I can’t be more specific.

Even though I’m taking meds and I’m generally  more or less stable, when the phase changes, I’m having a really really hard time accepting it and adapting to it.  Before I decided I need help, I just lived it and it just was me.


Now I don’t know what is me. 
I hate realizing I’m depressed now or I’m manic now.  Now I’m depressed. It’s mild, not like before meds. But it’s so much heavier. My thoughts are linear, not chaotic. It’s putting so much weight on me.

I’m even questioning my decision to get help. Maybe I should have let it swallow me and just exit.