recently my problem w talking in front of people only got more servere. which sucks bc i have to present smth at my final exam too. if i fail its another 3 year wasted (already wasted 4). they only notify you 3 weeks in advance. im scared. if i fail another path i wont have anywhere to go anymore. getting so many headaches it just hurts. additionally my boss keeps going on and on abt how my good grades are fucking boring. n now i actually got a bad one. this will end badly n i know it i dont even want to study anymore. ill never understand the crap we do at school, ill never be able to talk to anyone at work. i just feel alone. people laugh abt me being so clingy to my grandma but shes the only one i have n i cant tell her abt any of this. 

i feel like crap i feel the urge to hurt me. then its ok for few minutes n then paranoia is like hey sup. can i just not be normal for once. i need to get myself together but i fkn cant. i cant even enjoy things i liked before.