This is my first time posting here so, hello. I'm 19 (F) and from Europe and have been dealing (or more like suffering) with anxiety since I was 11, I was diagnosed when I was maybe 16.

I'm so so scared right now. I will graduate next week (I have been on a vacation for a month now, finished my schoolwork in April) and in here when we graduate from high school/college (I'd say it's like American high school but harder) we throw big parties. You don't even get to invite just a few people, but people you don't even know that well can show up if they want. They won't be there for the whole day of course, but my mom said even up to 50 people might visit. It sounds so awful, when I couldn't even be on normal school and had to take night classes because I couldn't be in classes that had 20-30 people. So many people and they will be in my home, which is my safe place, it feels like they're invading and I don't want them here.

On top of that, graduating means that I'll have to start at a new school in autumn. It's gonna be harder and I really want to go to the school I applied for, but it's super scary and it's in another city where I don't know anyone, so I'll have to live in there alone. I'm kinda scared that I won't get in and then scared that I do get in and have to move and live alone.

Also, I wasn't planning on working a job this summer, but someone I know offered an interview and I could possibly work there for three weeks. I have never had a job before because of my anxiety and being in school has been hard enough for me, so having a job now would be pretty important for my future. I'm scared that if I won't go to work now I'll never get a job in the future.

And if I don't get to the schools I applied in, I'll have to get a job. It sucks, because I'm so scared of driving a car that's not my family's or working at a place where you have to be social, and almost all jobs you can have without a degree contain at least one of those things. 

I have been very lucky for not been having to work ever and that I have great parents and my country will support me if I can't work, but it makes me feel like shit for depending on other people and makes me feel like I'm lazy. I'm scared what people think of me when they don't understand the pain I go through every day when I leave me house. I'm just trying to think that we are all burdens, but I just need a bit more maintenance. There's just so many bew and stressing things happening to me right now, that I'm constantly afraid of everything and don't want to leave my house or see anyone else but my family.

I always feel like shit if I'm not working or going to school. But going to school for example means daily physical and mental pain, exhaustion and anxiety. I also feel like I'm not worthy of getting support (as in money and therapy etc) from my country. Anyone else in a situation like this? Or if you're not feeling like me, what do you think about people who aren't students and don't have jobs?