CW: suicidal thoughts

My neighbours are listening to loud music again. I am losing my mind. It's not the first time and seems like they don't care it bothers people (or just me?). That's the thing, I was raised to accept every shit and feel guilty if asking for something. And if there is conflict I can't take it, I get dissociated or have a breakdown. 

I'm shaking, was crying a lot, I already have depression, suicidal thoughts a lot lately, so much stress, I just can't take it really. I feel like I have no power, no control. I was already very low, but this is just too much. I don't see how can I live like this, I can never know when I want to rest or something and they do what they want, I can't control anything. Other times they are shouting at their kids, that is another trigger. In the same time I keep thinking that I have no right to say or do anything because I am maybe just too sensitive. I'm losing it, I want to explode or implode or just disappear. The feeling of no control is killing me. Also have thyroid issues and this doesn't help. I just have so much anger and hate but I'm also terrified and frozen and powerless. It's like the world is showing me that I have no place in it. Shit. Sorry, I needed to write this down :(