I am NOT asking for a diagnosis wheter i have bpd or not. I just want to divide my personal feelings from reasons to avoid someone toxic. A year ago i met someone, we had similar interests. As i started hanging out with them, i started assuming things about them, which always turned out to be right, but i didn't speak up about it unless she was confident with it. Over time, i became their "comfort person" because i could easily read them, give them emotional support and validation etc. The person had severe family trauma, schizophrenia, eating disorder, and other mental health issues. They were constantly doubting that i will leave, and at our hangouts, they would just avoid me and physically try to get away from me for not reason, i think they might have bpd since they were showing clear signs. They were obsessed and possesive over me to the point they would get jealous and express it when im petting my dog. When we hung out at my house they would give me obvious hints that they will harm themselves and get to grab the knife/chemicals/anything that seemed dangerous and close the door for a while. It was REALLY uncomfortable to have then over my house, avoiding me half of the time, and doing all this stuff Infront of me. Personally i knew i was annoyed by it but i wanted to keep them for the sake of being a good friend or not leaving them, i might have felt guilt perhaps. There were times where they had severe hallucinations or would try to kill themselves so i stayed hours over the phone beating myself up because i was scared they'd be gone ( not because I wouldn't be able to save them) i was their top 1# person and i gained their trust so easily, they also had an obvious crush on me and gave me hints, at the time j was unsure if i liked them back though. They always felt a lot of guilt and opened up (which i agreed to), and i was the opposite, i didn't feel guilt most of the time and never opened up. Which behaviors i noticed about myself? At the start, the 2nd hangout we had i really wanted to drop them, even if they didn't do anything bad, i just hated the idea of making a new friendship and them getting to know anything about me. We would hang out every saturday and i remeber hating that saturday because it meant i had to stop them for hours from taking the knife from the kitchen or similar things. For a long time i just wanted to drop it but what also made me stay is the comfort i had in her life. I could internally see so many similarities and could reflect on their own life, for example family issues which i had too etc. Which is probably just a sign of empathy. They also lived in a bad area but i really do miss that rainy cold atmosphere of sitting in the yard of an psych ward or exploring abandoned buildings, something about it felt so "wild" and chaotic but i adored that feeling. What i notice about myself now, is that, anyone which i could slightly dislike is a no. Anything a friend of mine does that activates a negative emotion in me makes me just drop them and start over, sometimes not even wanting to try it. I also do DESPISE the idea of opening up/building up intimacy and trust during a friendship development which is obv necessary for one, and when i feel like i did enough of that i drop a friend and move on, it's like nothing happened after. I also wanted to drop my best friend of 8 years who realistically did nothing wrong ( so glad I didn't do that now). I want to avoid making new friends because its so exhausting going through my stupid emotional process, opening up is scary, and if i drop them it's just a waste of time.