Hello people of Reddit,

&amp;#x200B;

I was hoping it would never como to this, but I really need to vent it out to someone, even if they can´t reply back to me.

I'm a 22 year old male and I wake up everyday tired because I don´t feel like I have have any purpose in life. I'm not secured of the way I look, I have no friends and everyone I end up falling in love with is a "friend" that doesn´t like me like that so we just loose touch. I'm tired of pretending to my mom that everything is okay, that I'm happy, I can´t keep just lying to her and saying that everything is good when in reality it isn´t. I'm a very lonely person, I spend the vast majority of my time alone without talking to anyone because I feel like I have no friends, the one that I considered that either don´t ever reach out to me or I just don´t feel included by. In my love life, I keep getting attatched to people that clearly don´t see me the same way, but I'm just so deeply invested in them that I do everything for them that I think will make them happy, even when they don´t recognize it or care about it at all. I keep trying to think of ways or gifts that will make them happy, and in return they don´t even try to pretend like they care about me. Just last night I was at a birthday party of someone who I've had a crush on for about a year. I went because I felt like it was time for me to move on with my life and accept it wasn´t ever going to happen, we never really had a talk about it but I know she doesn´t see me like that and ever since she found out how I felt we grew apart. I barely talked all night, not even to her because I was so nervous and anxious, and ended up leaving early because I just felt like shit. All I wanted to do was cry, and till this moment I still want to. Even though I know nothing will change, a few weeks ago I decided to try to get her an autograph of someone she really likes, I still haven´t gotten it but I'm positive I will. At this point I can´t really see her in person because I'm just terrified I will break down in tears, so I'm probably going to ask someone else to deliver it. I probably haven´t worded this properly because I'm just going through a lot right now, and I can´t really explain this in the best manner, but I've tried my best. English isn´t my first language so I'm sorry for any spelling or grammar errors, if you've made it this far thank you reading and for you time. Depression is really fucked up, and although I haven´t been diagnosed, I feel depressed. Thank you for letting me share my story.