I'm so afraid I'm gonna ruin the only relationship I have left with my paranoia and my moods. 
I destroy every relationship because I push people away and I take everything so personally and I need too much reassurance. 
Any fucking relationship. At work, with my roomate rn, my family they all stay tf away from me and I can see it. 
It's like I'm supposed to get a better self esteem and tell myself nothing is wrong w me but I can still see people running away from me. But I still got to fucking fight the impression that I'm not unlovable so I don't react impulsively. 

It's a fucking cycle