I, at risk of sounding like a reality show, started my BPD journey from looking for advice of why I’ve stopped loving my partner of 15 years. I went through various things and googling every phrasing of thoughts I could think of, splitting and bpd came up frequently . I did the 9 question test and got I out of 9 and have been diagnosed with eupd. This was over about 18 months.   
I don’t love him anymore and I freeze up and want to scream when he touches me. I frequently feel like I hate him and when he’s talking, which is pretty much constantly, my brain screams at him to shut up. I have quiet bpd so I’m good at faking it. He has told me on numerous occasions that he can’t live without me and I’m the only thing keeping him going.

How do I stop myself from splitting and force myself to love him again?