im so fucking numb, nothing gives me any sort of feeling, good or bad. everything is so monotonous. i wake up at 6 every morning, im expected to make all As and Bs come home babysit, clean, finally get a few hours of sleep, then wake up and do it all over. it's always the same and idk how to tell anyone, especially my partner, hey im so numb even my body feels like rubber and im so sick of being in this body and world but it isn't yall. how can I tell someone I dont want to be here and make them believe it's not bc of them.

my parents treat me like a slave for no reward, I just have to do it and then they act like a night at a friend once a week is compensation enough for all they make me do. they've treated me like this since I was old enough to watch my little brother, I was like 9 and he was 6. now I (17) watch a 5yo and 3yo w barely any help as if thats normal, to spend my days watching them. they expect me to clean the house that I dont get dirty while watching kids.

i also have college coming up and no motivation or way i could possibly do it, its so much money out of my parents pockets and i dont even plan on making it that long. the only reason i haven't done it yet is so i can see my partner one last time. I just want them here.