Hey everyone!

So earlier today I was having a chat with a mate of mine and I made a pretty crude joke. I meant it to be funny and ridiculous but they replied that it was “disgusting” and “not funny at all”. And just like that anxiety hit me like a truck. Stomach sunk, throat went dry, and I started to panic. This isn’t someone I know super well, but the idea that they might be disappointed in me or that they could think I’m a creep or a pervert really bums me out. 

As much as I enjoy having relationships in my life and close friends, there’s usually a point where I just accept that it’s easier to just be alone and not have to deal with these anxieties and nerves. Most of my friends, despite how long I’ve known them, feel more like acquaintances. I can brush off these kind of things with them. But this is someone I vibe quite well with and enjoy being around. I’ve let the mask slip a bit with this mate and opened up about a few personal things I haven’t told other. I know he didn’t mean to make me feel negatively. I don’t even think it registered with him that it bothered me so much. 

This is something I’ve been dealing with for years now, since I was a kid. People are just too hard for me sometimes. But I don’t want to keep cutting myself off. 

I know it sounds pathetic and childish that I let such small, mundane comments like these rattle me so much. Also, because we were speaking through chat, the context could have been all wrong, but the point I’m trying to make is that I don’t want to keep feeling this way anytime someone’s says something I don’t like. So if anyone has an idea on how to build thick skin, apart from booking an appointment with a therapist, I’d appreciate your advice.