Since finding this group and reading basically every story I've come across I learned that most of us are very simular. 
We all had some form of trauma/ neglect/ abuse when we were young.

Most of us relationship jump not that we all have dozens of partners but most if us stayed in unhealthy relationships to keep from being alone, and never really took the time to be completely truly single. Even if not romantically we tend to attach our selfs to somebody. 

A lot of us lose our own identity trying to be everything to our partners/ friends/ family if not trying to be everything then atleast trying to be their only person like their main and only focus. Some of us manipulate or try to control their other person we become attached to so they can't leave others  just kinda morph into being that person instead of them selfs. 

The lose of self makes us desperate to keep the other person cause they litterly become our whole world. We don't know who we are without them. This couples with the lonely crashing empty feeling and the feeling of abandonment makes up hyper sensitive and observant to every single thing. We litterly live in panic mode that they are going to leave or don't really love us or want us around. Making every small change or action seem like a intentional slight or betrayal because we expect them to be as hyper aware as us. 

Many of us idolize the people we attach our selves to causing a tilted view in which they are so great and were just barely passing for okay. Their causes a lot.of insecurity because it's like they could do better and we are just waiting for.them.to realize it and leave us. 

The part I don't get that is also very common from what I have read is that when we feel slighted, anxious, betrayed, or any negative feeling we go straight to a 10 like I wanna die or none of it was real or screaming rage hulk mad whatever the reaction it's elevated to a abnormal level....and when we calm down the guilt and pain and fear sink back in and then the cycle of not being good enough and insecurity and desire to be somebody else kicks off all over again. Why don't we retain the pain and guilt when we hit those high emotions like what keeps us from remembering that this isn't going to end well or in my case that he does love me and is a good man that does want to be with me....where does it go ? Why can't  I just not take it to that place of anger and fear ? I legit get so upset and won't come down till he is also as upset which is very toxic behavior. Why though we have had the same.arguments hundreds if not thousands of times and I still hit that high crazy behavior????