Dated ex with bpd traits 1.5y (she had just gotten out of a 5 yr relationship 1.5 mo earlier). 
Things were great for about a year, but we didn’t talk much about future plans, I had my own issues. I assumed I would be with her for the foreseeable future.

I started traveling for work and around that time she started bitching at me over small things and would blame me for her attitude. I still loved her and would usually just end the fight without going deeper.

My job ended due to covid, and I moved in to take care of a new dog. She became distant (at times I thought she hated me). One night she flipping on me and I initiated the we need to talk convo. She said she loved me and we could do this for years but didn’t see a future so I left.

2 weeks later she already had a new guy and said I blew my chance. I said sorry for my roll in the demise of our relationship (she took no responsibility) but it wasn’t a horrible breakup.

Went nc. 2 months later she blocked me, 3 Mo later on our would be anniversary she unblocked me and got engaged to new guy (5 months since bu). I never reached out since she was with someone else. 

I don’t know why she would do this if she was happy. The whole thing feels unreal still. I miss her and have guilt over it. Also have some anger. Been 8 months nc. Just looking for thoughts. Will I hear from her again. Did she ever love me. Thanks.