I broke a pen in half and cut my arms with the shards severely a few minutes ago. This is teenager shit. I shouldn’t be so sad over somebody I’ve never met in person. She just means too much to me. She always thought I was sad and thinks that I’m unable to get past my mental illness. It’s not true. I know I deserved that response because I was a fucking idiot with her, I can’t be angry with her for thinking that. It’s just that she meant so much to me and now I can’t find happiness in anything. I just think of how she won’t be watching, she won’t care, and it just ruins any time I try to be positive. Idk if you here get like me, but it’s not something I heal from. This is like mourning but it doesn’t stop. I just wanted her to care for me again and to mean something to her, I’m tired of crying every single day for months, of not feeling like I’m even a human being, of feeling like I’m not like the people around me. I’m not always sad but I can’t get better without her. I’m sorry I’m a disapointnent. I never like people, but when I do like someone, letting them down can hurt me more than anything else on earth. I’m 26, I should have accomplished more.