I've (F21) been in a relationship with my boyfriend (M21) for a year. My birthday is on 27 Dec, and we decided to go watch spiderman on my birthday! But on the 26th he told me that his friend that he met recently tested positive for Covid 19' which meant I would have to go watch spiderman without him. At first when he told me I really didn't mind. I told him it was okay and we could meet sometime else! I also told him that It'd be nice to watch the movie alone because I have never visited the mall without company. But after the call, I felt the weight of my stress lines on my forehead and a tight stinging feeling on my chest that I get before crying. 

And while journaling I realised I genuinely do not feel loved by my boyfriend. I understand covid-19 is not under anyone's control but ever since the start of this month, and our winter vacations, he hasn't been spending time with me. Not on text or call, he met me only once this month despite living 30mins away and has met his friends more often (+5 times) this month and I can't help but feel jealous. [View my previous post for more info](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/rn11mf/am_i_being_obsessive_for_asking_1_hour_of_quality/?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share) 

Today my friend decided to call me to wish me a happy bday the moment I sent him a good morning text, we spoke for 30mins and it was a delight that he made time from his internship to wish me. He called me again after I watched the movie and we spoke for 30mins. I felt so loved, and it made me realise that my boyfriend hadn't been treating me this way in the entirety of december? My boyfriend didn't call me once on my birthday... he just texted me "happy birthday, Im proud of you" and "how was the movie" so i decided to call him and noticed how uninterested he was. I asssumed it was since he was tired from a project (My boyfriend isn't working) 

Im aware that its wrong of me to compare but it hurts me so much that my friend that I barely know for 2months and have never met spends more time with me than my boyfriend. I feel so hurt and am scared to think that maybe my boyfriend doesn't love me anymore. (Although he has been saying i love you on text?) So I spoke to him 10mins ago on call, and told him i wasn't happy, and that it maybe logical to break up but i wanted to fix and work on things. And he told me "oh you too thought of breaking up? Why?" I told him how i didn't feel loved cus he didn't give me time. But when i asked him why he thought of breaking up. He just said Ill tell you on 2nd Jan when he's free and that's causing me to freak out. 

My anxiety is on the roof and I dont know what it might be. We have not fought this month and Ive been very supportive of his busy schedule. I can't think about what it could be, and I feel like maybe its me. I really wanna change whatever my faults may be... I don't wanna break up with him, despite how logical that option might seem.