Everyday is the same no matter what I do try to change. I can’t find work, I can’t go live somewhere else without first finding work. Even if I could find work it’s incredibly difficult to do physical tasks with multiple herniated discs, and chronic pain in multiple joints. I can barely turn my head or use my right arm because of the pain. All I want to do is sleep, and hopefully not wake up. I’m not even taking pain meds because I’m in recovery. 

I haven’t accomplished a single worthwhile thing in years. I absolutely loathe myself. I don’t recognize the person staring at me in the mirror. I’m too much of a coward to kill myself, but I’d rather die than continue living.