This is my first post and I'm not exactly sure how to structure this so here goes nothing;

I (14F) have been struggling immensely with mental health for the past 4 or so years, since around the time my brother was born. My mother changed so much, and it seems like I haven't been able to adapt. I know it's hard for her but she shouts at me every day telling me how stupid, selfish and worthless I am. Just for some context she is a single mother who doesn't work, my brother and I have different fathers neither of them living with us, and contact with them is incredibly rare.

 I struggle to get out of bed, in fact I'm in bed whenever I can - I am writing this on my bed where I have been for the last 13 hours. I go for days without eating and then hours binging or stress eating and feeling terrible. I cry every single day, while fighting the urge to slit my wrists or just end it all. I did self harm quite a lot before but I moved on from that and now it's all coming back. I've lost all interest in things I once loved, I have no hobbies anymore, I don't want to ever leave my room. I've ghosted so many of my friends and I barely have contact with my family. I'm suicidal 24/7. 

When I was 11 years old I tried to contact Childline hoping I would get actual help, the woman I was texting sent the police to my house. The officers told my mother everything, she cried some crocodile tears and as soon as they left everything went back to normal. I've never spoken to "trusted adults" about my problems since then. A couple of months ago my mother noticed my old self harm scars from years ago and threw a whole tantrum of "What will your employers think?!"

I used to hope one day my father would take me in as he promised but that day never came, and now he's struggling financially and isn't trying to hold contact with me either. I can't speak to a teacher because the last 2 times I tried they brushed it off, or said they need to speak to my mother if I want "help". Again, I know how hard it is for my mother and I think I love her, I don't think I can stop loving her. Maybe if I did it wouldn't hurt as much. She doesn't let me study for school, all she wants for me to do is take care of my brother and do chores. A week ago I was doing so well, I was working out daily, I was eating well, I was doing all my chores, then she disappeared for 3 days leaving us with our grandma and when she came back she slept all day and started screaming at me the moment she woke up. It was like I relapsed or something. I don't want to go to school. I don't even think life is worth living. Is it?