It's finally overrr. Really proud of myself haven't broken NC since May 7. I used to call and hang up sometimes 20 times a day and that was me trying very hard to control it. This was hard af. Idk how to regulate my emotions without him so I'm kind of a mess rn... Im able to run some errands but I can't be in public for too long. I keep trying to change my mindset and like think my way into being my own anchor hopefully it works. 

I'm still happy af tho I really felt like he had placed a curse on me or something. I am a textbook borderline but I never had a problem with letting people go. In fact Im usually the one doing the cutting off or blocking. So it was so weird not being able to control contacting him I'm so glad it's over.