I interpret my own wrongdoings as a catalyst to the pain of a bigger unsolvable problem. I have [written about it before](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/vmq3jq/whats_the_point/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3), it would explain the unsolvable part.

Despite having to work this week, I haven't been doing much. I am tired and what I've been doing is taking too long. It makes me think whether it's worth it.

&amp;#x200B;

It is all my fault really. I could've done better. But I didn't and that's where we have come. I am actively not seeking help as a method of self harm, in the hope it would be fatal one day. I hope it comes soon, I feel it will.

&amp;#x200B;

 Thank you for your time.