I’m 6 weeks out of a 9-month relationship, my first romantic relationship in years. I was acquainted with her for a few years through a group we both belong to but didn’t know a lot about her. I should probably say that I was crushing on her from the minute I saw her (I have a type obviously...caretaker type). 
I’ll skip the courtship details except to say that I took a risk asking her out; prior to this I’d always waited until I was 110% sure I wouldn’t be rejected. She was coming out of back to back to back relationships, the last one was eight years and abusive (I found that out later). 
Courtship was exciting. She is a new to the field LCSW specializing in trauma and she talked intelligently about relationships and mental health and seemed to have her shit together. I saw red flags (boundary stuff, moving too fast too soon...) but rationalized them away because it felt so good. 
Cut to our 4th date and she is sleeping over (I know, I know) and out of nowhere she bolts up in bed and is angry, extremely disproportionately in my opinion, at something I said (to this day I don’t remember but it was innocuous I’m sure) I’d never encountered this stuff before; all of a sudden she’s accusing me of gaslighting her, psychologically messing with her. I was trying to calm her down and in the process became really anxious. She was accusing me of things I hadn’t said. I began questioning my behavior (wtf did I do to make her this angry?) She was not in her rational mind during these outbursts. 
Long story short/er; This happened regularly and somehow I always wound up apologizing afterward (I’m afraid of angry people, it make me anxious). She said my anxious response to these events was due to my trauma (mind you she never acknowledged her behavior. She still hasn’t) and even suggested she do EMDR on me (I knew this was not appropriate and suggested it would be better if I wait to do it with my own therapist. Nonetheless I had her light bar in my apartment for awhile. 
I spent the entire relationship walking on eggshells. I understand that from an attachment standpoint we were both acting from our own “stuff” and I offered that info to her as a way to approach our relationship  (she’s a therapist and she should understand this, yes? ). 
I was obsessed with getting her to acknowledge her anger but anytime I brought it up, no matter how gently, she’d get angry 🤷🏻‍♂️
Her narrative of the relationship is that I couldn’t stop distancing myself and therefore she was miserable. She leaves angry, I feel guilty. 
Now that I came upon the information that her anger outbursts could be a symptom of BPD it makes total sense she may be Borderline to some degree. 
If she knew this why wouldn’t she tell me?