I noticed I drink a lot. I don’t think it’s gotten in the way of that much in my life, but I’m definitely the type of person to drink a couple white claws before a 9 to 5 shift or a shot or two of fireball (however I haven’t done that in a bit). I guess I thought it was normal? 

I just realized that it’s because I’ve been self medicating. When I’m manic I feel like my skin is restrictive and that my skeleton just needs to break free and run as fast as it can. When I drink I feel calm, like I don’t need to run and I can just sit still. And then when I’m depressed I drink until I fall asleep because I don’t want to be awake. My mind is blown from this realization lmao. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before. 

Also I flaired this as drug use because alc counts, right? My first post here too.