I don't know if any one will read this and I apologize for the wall of text. The only way also I could even get the courage to write this is after drinking half a liter of whiskey. Gonna try and keep it short anyway and sorry for the incomprehensibility. English is also not my first language so I apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors. But now enough excuses I am just stalling.  

I don't even really now how to start writing this, but I will just start from the beginning. When I first started grade school in Sweden I started getting pretty badly bullied for being short. (I am only 5'8 at the moment at age 21). Got my head smashed in to a wall, got tackled, punched in the gut and face etc. I didn't really now how to handle this. But I eventually went and told a teacher. this didn't really work out either as this just made the bullies even madder that I told on them and I got beat up even harder. I also had problem talking to my parents since my dad my whole upbringing has been really cold to me. I believe this is a consequence of his mother dying of an early age and having an alcoholic father. He wouldn't really listen to me and just dismiss my claims but sometimes he was really nice to  me. He also wasn't really home that much as he worked in Norway and would travel by plane every week and leave on Monday and come home Friday. My mother worked really far away from school so most of the time because she would come home so late my sister was suppose to take care of me. But she was in sort of a rebellious time period in her life and would sneak out and leave me alone and would go out drinking and smoking. Around this time I also got diagnosed with asthma. Sadly though around this time when I started taking my asthma medication I got a rash which I today know is perioral dermatitis. This skin condition I have now had for around 11 years and so far most dermatologist at first misdiagnosed it as other condition until 3 years ago when one derm told me it was PD and told me there was nothing we can do as I need to continue taking my asthma medication which causes me quite a lot of sadness. But back to when I was 10 I started getting PD and I started getting bullied for that as well. Now I am gonna jump past a lot of things since I don't really want to write 500000 words. But In the second year of high school I went on an exchange year to the US. Sadly my stay kind of sucked since I got diagnosed with a kidney disease and had to go back home. At home they told me I had IGA nephropathy and although my kidneys are intact now they have a 30% chance of failing. After been diagnosed with that I thought that was enough but now recently I had heart palpitations, shortness of breath and fatigue and went to the ER. There they told me something was wrong and after doing some tests they diagnosed me with Sinus tachycardia and the only thing they could prescribe was beta blockers which also worsen your life quality do the side effects. 

I have skipped a lot of other shit that has happened through out my life but I noticed this started getting really long. But anyway do to all of these things and more I have seriously started considering suicide. I don't know if anyone will read this but my life is starting to feel hopeless and the things I have written here and more things that I haven't even mentioned like the fact I had OCD and my dad thought I was a freak. Or that I recently got diagnosed with ADHD aswell which severely messed up my grades but my mom refused to get me diagnosed when I was younger. I feel hopeless and could use some help since any time I try to better something it only gets worse.

I doubt few people will get this far but thank you.