I have such bad social anxiety that seemed to implode on itself when I tried to make friends at college this year. I already ruined at least two relationships with friends I had met freshman year, and since then I feel like I've lost my ability to make friends. 

Now I am trying not to be as self-conscious so that I don't feel like killing myself later when I think back on something cringey I thought I said or because I may have accidentally offended someone. But I simultaneously feel lost. Other people have always seemed to define my identity. Even when alone and doing things I loved, or watching tv or something like that I would be thinking of ways that I could use my current experience to get people to like me (like imagining future conversations and things like that). 

It really helps for social anxiety to not seek approval, but I feel SO disconnected from everyone I talk to because I feel extremely self conscious of how I am interacting, making sure I don't accidentally get high off of an interaction and crash later because of it. This is so confusing. Not even sure if this will make sense.