Is anyone else spiritual with BPD? 

I feel as though things are really weird right now. I was in a really weird hazy happy stage of life for the last few weeks and I’m waking up again to how depressed I actually am. 

I haven’t cleaned my room in forever and I seem to just not care about picking up anything when I do anything .... i sleep way too much and I feel unmotivated to do anything good for me in society. Like school or work. I haven’t done assignments in over two weeks now. I feel so helpless once again. 

Spirituality was my escape for a while. But I’m too sad and I feel too gross to even dance. Or put my crystals in the moon, or go for walks. I just stay in bed. In my mess. On my phone. 

I don’t know what to do. Nothing ever seems to go right. Life makes me feel so hopeless. I feel so unloved by all. No one seems to genuinely care for me ... I feel my friends and my boyfriend do but it feels so temporary. I’m terrified that they’re lying to me about how amazing they think I am. 

No one I live with checks on me. They don’t care about me or understand anything about me. I feel so exhausted. I feel like I don’t matter. I just want to leave but getting my own house is so fuxking hard. I don’t want to live with someone else because I know they’re going to see who I really am and hate me. 

Like everyone. Why is it so hard to survive in this world 😞 I can’t even buy a car because insurance is ridiculous. Getting a car is freedom but it’s the first thing that traps you in the system because you need to have insurance. Everything is so overwhelming.