(Long post, sorry) I have been through inpatient 3 times and through different outpatient programs multiple times. I used to see a therapist once a week and take up to 15 pills a day for medication. I no longer do any form of therapy and only take a sleep medication and mood stabilizer twice a day. I used to have a lot of different problems but they sort of went away here and there. Now they're back and worsening. I am diagnosed with bipolar type one, but this just doesn't feel like that anymore.  I'm experiencing awful paranoia to the point of being afraid of leaving the house. I'm having scary recurring thoughts that just seem so real, but people are telling me they are just delusions (mainly the fact that I'm basically convinced that someone is lurking around my house or living here with me that I don't know about). I'm seeing white flashes and full bodies that just disappear and hearing noise or talking from other rooms of the house when I'm alone. I've lost all motivation to pursue my career, take care of myself, get out of bed, or do anything at all. I have super scary nightmares every night and have experienced sleep paralysis. Last night I even woke up thinking a man was laying in my bed holding me and breathing heavily, but i quick turned and no one was there. I just feel so down and so scared all the time.  I'm afraid of being in the dark or leaving my doors unlocked, even my bedroom door. I'm afraid of showering. I'm afraid of looking under my bed or in my closet. I'm afraid of opening my window curtains. I'm afraid of making noise in my own home because if there's an intruder or something they'll find me faster. I'm just in a constant state of fear, all day, every day. It's making it so I can't do anything at all. It's getting harder to tell what's real and what isn't and I feel like the way I'm living is disappointing  everyone around me and making them mad. I feel so guilty that I feel this way.  I was just wondering if anyone thinks it's absolutely necessary to seek help or of there's a way to cope on my own? I would prefer not to be put back in inpatient that is why I'm worried about seeking out professional help again.