As someone who has struggled with suicidal ideation for over a decade, I’m tired of it. I’m tired of thinking I can just end everything anytime life seems like too much to handle. I remember having dreams, ambitions, a potential future and I want that again instead of giving up at every brick wall that seems too solid to break through and too high to climb over. I don’t want to feel helpless anymore because I know that I’m not. I just don’t know where to start with erasing the suicidal path from my brain. I want my life back, I want my courage back, I want to see the little kid who believed in himself again, even when he was facing monsters under the guise of people. My younger self had so much conviction, so much ambition to change his situation and I want to feel that again. Instead of letting my anxieties and failures consume me, I want to feel able to punch the gods in the face and demand my happiness. If anybody out there knows where to start with letting go of the option of death, please say something! I don’t want that option anymore because it’s eating me alive just knowing that’s a route I can take.