Apologies if this turns out to be a string of incoherent words because I’m doing this on my phone with voice message because I am too lazy to type

So I have a problem with self harming, alcohol abuse Etc. And I think the reason I keep cutting  myself And drinking more and more has to do with the fact that I keep trying to make my life and myself and my soul more miserable by the day. In the way that I keep cutting more and more of my body and drinking more and more every night in a way to leave nothing of myself to “save” until I am literally cornered into committing suicide