I hate it here. I’m an idiot and i hate school but what is my life worth if I can’t get this god damn degree. it’s one more class and i might fail and have to retake or i take an “incomplete” and either way i hate myself. 

i’m already on meds and in therapy and i was doing So Well but my self worth is plummeting and it’s like it snuck up on me?? it’s the same pattern every time but it always sneaks up on me somehow. what the hell am i taking these meds for if i still have to deal with this garbage in my brain. i feel like crying but if i cry i’ll have to explain to my parents why i’m upset. 

just a few days ago i was so assuring too! “yeah, school is going fine!” but then! now i only alternate between this pit in my stomach and “everything will be ok i think?” but i just want to toss myself into the void and not exist for a while. sorry i know no one wants or needs to hear about mundane stream-of-consciousness from a young adult who can’t get her shit together. it’s all my fault and i wish i were better. school really triggers this dark mood in me and i don’t know what to do and i’m sorry. ignore this post if you want. i just want to cry and sleep.