My name is Kyle. I'm a 31 year old male virgin skinny and not that bad looking for a tall drink of water and I am absolutely crazy about a girl from work. So much so that she haunts my thoughts daily and has wormed her way into my psyche. 

The girl in question started working at my work last summer and my job being almost exclusively to men it was a nice change of pace. We were separated by shifts at the top me and I worked the night shift, so at the end of the day I would shoot the shit with her for a good 20 to 30 minutes. This became an addiction. It wasn't healthy for me, at this point in my life I have never had a girlfriend so having this interaction with the opposite sex was something of a new thing for me and was at the same time exhilarating. After a few weeks of talking I worked up the courage to give my number, which would never have happened if not for the encouragement of my coworkers. But I did just that.

 And she shot me down, we didn't talk for a week, I think it was due to the awkward exchange but we were cool a week later. At the time I didn't know about the boyfriend. She never once eluded to him. She was very flirty, and with me being the inexperienced welp that I am I fell for it.  It wasn't long after that when she finally casually mentioned the boyfriend and then I decided to stop trying to go for her, obviously cause she was taken and second this was becoming a huge problem on my end. 

I started to ween off her, a few min every day at the end of work nothing as long as before, until I stopped altogether. And that's when I started having withdrawals. She was on my mind before but when I took the break I couldn't shake her. Every though was her and it was absolutely mind melting. I wanted to break free of it so, my solution was to go back to what we was doing. And then she took of me that soon she would be working on my shift. I was both exhilarated and terrified of the thought. I loved talking with this girl we had so much in common it felt like a natural match but in my foolish attempt at trying to find love I fell into a web.

But now it's gotten even worse. It's so bad that my thoughts have gone from her to dark thoughts because I now know that she has no feelings for me. It took a long time to figure this out but this girl is naturally flirty, and does this with everyone. But I'm still positive what we have is special compared to the rest. I dwell on this girl daily but it's not just her now. Thoughts of death and other things find there way into my mind as well  

All because I'm too big of a coward to admit my fellings or stand up for myself when the time arrives.

When she started we sat together every day at break time but now she opts to break by herself, what the hell? I never once eluded to get that I want anything romantic with her, I probably should have but I never did, and now I get this. I loved sitting with her, talking about nerdy stuff like anime and manga but now I feel so isolated. Not just from her but everyone and everything. Life doesn't feel the same anymore. 

I've always been a coward, I never talked to girls due to fear if rejection and I'm just terrible at coming up with conversation and I want more than anything to get away from anything that has to do with her. Should I quit my job? Surely that would help but I've been here almost 5 years, I don't know anymore.

 like a magnet, I'm drawn to her.