As the title states- I was laid off in March due to COVID related business disruption (data analyst at a travel company). 

In the last two months I have been trying to find work and have been doing a good number of virtual interviews, but unfortunately after 6-7 of them out of nowhere one of the interviews triggered a panic attack and since then I have been been getting extreme anxiety even thinking about doing an interview, leading me to cancel two of them. An interview was what originally triggered my first attack back in 2017 so I think that may have something to do with it.

I spoke with my psychiatrist and she recommended bumping up my lexapro from 10mg to 20mg about two weeks ago, as well as giving me a small prescription of Xanax .25mg to ward off attacks beforehand. I am 10 days into the increased lexapro dose.

Well, today I had another panic attack before an interview and ended up cancelling. Even after taking a dose of Xanax to try to ward it off my mind was still racing and I felt the spiral of doom coming on. Tingling, feeling the room shrinking, dissociation, etc.

I feel even worse because I know I can do it and I have done it before, but these stupid irrational panic attacks keep getting the better of me and making me lose hope that I can fix it. I feel so ashamed and weak and it is making me lose hope that I could ever break this cycle and get a job.

I feel so hopeless and pathetic. Please tell me there is a reason other than me being completely broken