Remember the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie? Where the ship's crew, after their curse, do not feel anything anymore and are ready to any sacrifice to recover *actually feeling things*.

That's how my life has felt for months now. Everything is blocked behind a dam, and I just feel blank, cold, empty.

Food has no taste.

Alcohol has no effect.

Nothing passionates me anymore.

People I love, I know I love them, but sometimes I just feel nothing for them.

Nothing scares me, nothing shocks me, nothing saddens me, nothing makes me laugh.

And in the past, I've dealt an incredible ammount of damage on others and myself, because I ready to do *anything* to *actually* *feel things back*.

I tried to fill my emptiness with addictions. Porn and video games fucked up the few dopamine I had left.

I tried to fill my void with substances. Alcohol just wrecked my life.

I tried to fill my void with people. But I'm not and will never be the center of their lives (and it's normal, would be unhealthy) and I always end up disappointed with them.