I'm taking my life because it's too much pain and I don't want to feel this way anymore. I can't stop this pain and I don't have friends, family, gf or anyone to talk to and I'm not in a state to even reply anyone. What I wanted in my early 30s is owning my own home and get married and have my own family. Just 2 wishes but even that is not written in my life. The life just feels pointless to me. I don't want to go out, meet anyone, see anyone, eat anything.

I've had depression since I was 14 [I'm 24 now] and the reason for it is unknown. The ones that I always shared about all these made me feel even more terrible for myself and they just used to tell me to always think about my parents first before doing anything to myself. If no one thinks about me why should I think about them and suffer. I don't want to live because life holds nothing for me and I can't ignore anything now.

I never was happy with my life, no relationship, no love, no friends, no family support but I'm okay with all these. It's just unbearable pain and suffering that I can't bear it this time and the easiest method is kill myself. I was never this violent before to kill myself but this time it's just crossed everything. I don't love anyone, no one loves me, and I don't love my life enough to even remain here for a day. I just only wish I had at least better parents. I'm just totally complete alone in this world with no one with me except this phone and reddit installed in it. I've always been everyone's last priority, ignored, belittled and treated like a street garbage but I'm done getting treated like that. I hope no one ever feels as bad as what I feel every day and they always get love and affection and care.

I wish I could write more but just wanna write something to at least have some prayers for me because I never had anyone to at least ever think about me. I'm writing to let other people know what was going in my mind and how badly I'd to suffer all these everyday with no scope of getting better just for one day. 

Did I hate anyone? No I still do love them but I'm just not fit for this world and I'm for once doing something for myself to ease the pain. Hope people around me at least respect me after my last breath.