" Are you ok?" a simple question calls for a simple answer. but its more then that the question " are you ok?" is probally one of the most complicated questions you can ask someone.

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i remeber my mom asked me it because i was acting out but in the end i just dont care anymore i dont feel anything i feel numb.  it all started when my mom said she didnt love me well she didnt say it but the way she treated me said it for her. then one day we go into an argument and she said she loves my brothers more then me thst their her everthing. that hurt alot for a long time i was hung up on her words until i just stopped caring. when i was hung up on her words i will admit i wanted to X myself i felt like the world will be better without me and i thought if i died my family would be happier; and to my surprise my mom said that during a time i said in my room for a week the house was peacful and come then as soon as i cam out of hibernation everthing wen to hell. i cant lie the suicidal thoughts come visit me every so often so to stop the hurt i turn of my emotions yeah i still laugh i still smile but its not like it coming from the soul i havent been happy in a long time and when i close my eyes all i see is me jumping of a bridge or slitting my neck. i want the pain to go away i want be to stop saying im nothing im useless im worthless im a disgrace but nothing i change will ever stop them from saying stuff like that. :( 

\- a really sad "dog"