 So... I'm not sure where to start... Well, I guess first I should say I'm completely new to Reddit.

I guess I just need somewhere to get it out and to know I'm not alone.

I'm 30 years old and was recently diagnosed with BPD about a year ago with unyielding support from my sadly now ex, I was able to realize that there wasn't something right in my head. My whole life had honestly felt like a fuck up after fuck up and damaged relationships.

I'm coming to understand my illness more and more but I'm finding it hard to resolve who I am now with what I have done. The mother of my wonderful son was the recipient of so much emotional abuse from me that I'm not sure if I can ever forgive myself. We are separated and she is taking her time to process what has happened.

She doesn't trust me and I can understand why I've lied, cheated and abused her and she truly and unconditionally loved me and honestly with her I don't know if I ever would have made it to this point to be able to see my illness and become a better person.

I've come to accept the fact that she may not be able to forgive me for what I have done it scares me but I know that it is highly unlikely I put her through hell.

I am a different person today than i was a year ago. I don't know how else to describe it but you can't see the forest through the trees and i feel so much guilt now that i can see it and have stopped warping reality to what i feel.

Anyway thanks for reading... Love to hear your thoughts I'm sure everyone has gone through something similar when diagnosed