we were both heavily drunk and both very affectionate. 

he asked if he could kiss me after we had been cuddling and talking and i said yeah

we kissed. made out. i loved it. he said my skin was so soft, i was a great kisser that he loves me. he said he felt so close to me. i said many i love yous and other things of the sort. we didnt go further physically, which we both are greatful for now. 

i cant get it out of my mind. 

hes one of my closest friends and i just cannot get it out of my head. i felt so comfortable. so warm. so happy. 

next morning i felt guilty, and like i had cheated. we are both in odd and stressful and or confusing situations with exes at the moment. he said the same. 

i cut myself. i want to stop thinking about it. im so confused at my feelings. i truly loved it, but i dont know how that would ever work, or if it was just drunken affection, maybe if i am just so lonely i cling to any sort of care towards me. 

i wanted to let the stress escape. i felt i deserved the pain since i was so happy in that moment. i loved it. feeling so comfortable and loved. i deserve the blood dripping for that.