I'm in my early 20s, this year I got diagnosed with BPD after being treated for depression for like 5-6 years. My biggest problem was not feeling anything other than "emptiness" but after a couple of months I started feeling things. First I've learned how to feel anger, because I thought that's the easiest emotion to learn then I was learning the rest. BUT now that I feel things almost normally I've realised how disconnected I am from myself.

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I thought I don't have any problems with self esteem, it was neither high or low. But now that there are times when I feel like an actual human with a body, not an invisible ghost, my self esteem goes low and it's really hard for me to not cut myself of the emotions again.

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How should I deal with pain it causes? I know I shouldn't go into drugs and alcohol, I know it's unhealthy and I don't wanna add another problem. I really have no idea how to deal with it other than talking about it with my therapist privately or on group sessions. I'm just afraid I'll go into the same madness I was in the past