I know we’ve all dealt with them at one time or another but I felt like I always had a handle on them. If I felt like I was going to make a decision that wouldn’t be 100% right or have a bad outcome or wasn’t sure I was always thinking it over before I did anything. Because I knew having bpd made it easier to make impulsive decisions. 

I’m 7 months pregnant. Idk if that has anything to do with it but we have a crappy mattress that husband and I are both uncomfortable on. I’ve been wanting a new one before the baby comes and the other day I may or may not have bought one and have to pay 125$ a month on top of all the other bills we can BARELY afford. My husband is working I am not besides doordash and other delivery services. He’s trying to find a better paying job and my reasoning in the moment was he will get one of the jobs he’s interviewing for. The website said I had between 16-19 days before arrival. Well the first part of the purchase came 2 days later while my husband was home and that’s when I realized how big I screwed up. I had really mostly forgotten I did it. I panicked and told him my mom had got us a new mattress for our anniversary. 

The mattress comes on Tuesday. Now I have to sit here knowing not only did I make an impulsive decision, I lied about it (which is very out of character for me) and I have to hope and pray he gets one of those jobs. And then figure out when to come clean. 

I’m disappointed in myself because like I said impulsive decisions of this scale of have never been an issue. I’m actually surprised. It seemed very reasonable when it happened. 

I sealed the deal and made the decision within 5 minutes of having the idea. The total cost was 1500$. 125$ a month for 12 months. 

I keep getting in waves of guilt and disbelief. 


I’m posting here because i can’t tell anyone close to me. I’m so embarrassed and I know I screwed up. 


I also don’t know what flair to choose for this post. Sorry.