I finally understand why I push away the people I love the most. It’s because ever since I was a child I believed I was a nobody. I always thought of myself as easily replaceable and damaged. I also grew up shy and unattractive. I’ve spread hurt to my family and friends, because I was always paranoid they all secretly thought I was nothing. 

BPD is truly a sad and scary condition. I wish I could be normal. I wish things can get easier.