Why am I like this? I get super sad; suicidal and I’ll stretch my face up to distract myself. I also get super bad sensory overload. Does anyone else have this? I just don’t know when the day will come when I’ll stop taking xanax. My anxiety is absolutely terrible to where I want to die and I feel like life isn’t real and it’s all not worth it. I just have really bad depression and I’m not taking my pills because I’m scared they’ll make me kill myself or they’ll make me manic. I live in Alaska and I haven’t seen the sun in 3 months too. I’ve been so so mean to my mom which kills me inside because she’s my rock and I don’t understand why I’m such a terrible person. I want to be better but I’m scared of everything. I’m scared to fucking snap. Does anyone else feel like this ever? I want help so bad and I don’t have a job because of my anxiety and depression but I’m scared to be too happy sometimes because I don’t feel I deserve it or something. I’m not sure, being happy scares me and makes me feel manic. I’m scared to get therapy because I don’t know where to even start at this point since I’m so deep in my depression and I don’t want them to think I’m crazy.