So for context I’m clinically diagnosed with moderately severe depression and a whole bunch of other mental illnesses. I have a background of suicidal thoughts along with thoughts of harming and killing other people. While my thoughts do get projected onto random people I never actually act them out. Most of the reason I have these thoughts are due to me never fighting back when things were done to me in my childhood and now it’s sort of manifested in me having a violent nature towards people. I’ve joked about losing faith in humanity and just committing genocide because people are terrible but more often than not I’m not serious about what I say. At least I’ll never back it up. But spending time on the internet especially on Reddit I’ve had to bare witnesses to innocent and defenseless people be ganged up (for example literally look at r/thotbeatdowns) and it makes me so violently angry because I’ve been in those positions before. It’s makes me want to hurt those people. It makes me want to hurt all people. I just feel filled up with so much rage and sadness because I know what it feels like to be that defenseless person. I used to hate violence and now all I want to is break people. It’s so upsetting being a danger to yourself. It’s heart breaking being a danger to yourself and others.