This gonna be a long story. 

It’s been a very emotion beginning of the year for me. I told my best friend of almost 5 years my feelings towards them, but we decided to stay friends and move past it. Around this same time, she was going through some stuff and I tried to be a good friend and support her. For the last couple weeks, I’ve noticed she’s been wanting to be around me more than usual which I liked, ngl. However, I also began to overthink everything I did. Like the smallest thing would happen and then afterwards, I would overthink it and then apologize later to fix any imaginary damage I caused. I also had a falling out with another friend about a week ago, so my emotions have been pretty high. 

The worst one started three days ago. We were talking for a couple hours, having a real good time, but towards the end I took a joke a bit too far and after she told me she was bugged by it I over apologized again, and continued to. This leads to yesterday. At this points she already told me multiple times she wasn’t bugged by it and I’m overthinking it still. What finally pushed me was she just didn’t seem that into talking to me and I panicked thinking it was because of that joke I made two days earlier and asked her again if she’s sure that she’s not upset over the whole thing. She said no, of course, but then it turned into me explaining what I’ve been feeling and told her about the friendship I had a falling out over, and just saying that’s why I’ve been over apologizing, just trying to do something to fix what I’ve ruined over the course of those days. 

I feel so stupid because now I look so freaking insecure. I’ve probably ruined everything, and she’s not gonna want to be around me as much anymore like she had been. We haven’t talked today and I’m just so done with how I am and how I keep ruining all these friendships because I can’t control my feelings and shit. Fuck man. 

Sorry for any bad grammar, I’m on mobile.