Hello everyone, just wanted to introduce myself and sort of share my situation right now. 

My name is Tony, I’m 19 and I’m from Santa Cruz. Life hasn’t been easy up to this point, and I have only my anxiety to blame. 

I don’t know why I feel the way I do, but all I know for sure is that I don’t have any support from my own family. 

I had a conversation with my mother (48) about the panic attacks I’ve been having and she told me that it’s something I can control. 

If that were true, why do I feel so much worse as time goes on? 

The older generation tends to talk about mental health as if it’s something you can overcome on your own with a positive attitude.

My panic attacks are almost daily, draining my energy, and making me feel trapped as if I was underwater. 

My mom says that I haven’t lived, that I have no reason to feel this way, that others have suffered much worse.

I agree with her.. I have no reason to feel the way I do, others have suffered much worse than I have, but I can’t help it if I can’t breathe; if I feel like my word is crashing down around me. 

She tells me that I am the reason behind my anxiety, that I have made bad decisions in my life, and that it’s my fault that I can’t control myself. 

I’ve had a bad streak lately with a drug addiction, coming out as homosexual, cutting off half of my family, and a suicide attempt. 

Instead of helping me through things she holds it against me. 

She uses examples of others, of herself, or my siblings, saying that they have every reason to be anxious and that I have gotten everything I’ve ever wanted in my life. 

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t alive, but with my friends’ support it’s enough to keep me afloat until I can get some real help.