I’ve really been trying to get down to the bottom of my emotions lately and I’m realizing impatience has a lot to do with my mood swings, my splitting and not completing things I’ve started etc. 

It just hit me, I’m trying to start a business and I just want everything to be here and ready right now. Sometimes the feeling enrages me and sometimes it makes me feel like I’m never going to get to where I want to be and that’s how my spiraling starts. Other times if I see someone is where I want to be I get extremely jealous while also trying to mimic their every move. I just realized I think I mimic to try and rush the process somehow, and if it doesn’t speed things up I get devious with my thoughts and hope the other person fails or something with them goes wrong. 

I also get impatient with “feeling better” or “normal” it’s like this cycle where I do the work and the therapy and i’m still not better. When I see other people who are able to control their emotions and live a “happy” “normal” “successful” life it triggers the shit out of me. Then the feeling subsides for a while and out of no where I’m back to square one. 


This shit sucks.