So yesterday I was making a deposit on something I wanted to purchase and I had a panic attack.
This year has generally been a shit year because of my anxiety, not even including COVID-related struggles. 
This holiday season, whether I got a sweater for myself or a gift for family, my mind wouldn’t shut up. 
Retail therapy or just window shopping online or in-person use to be a fun distraction for me but I can’t even do that anymore without stress. How do I get over this? I’m not seeing a therapist and I only take meds to deal with MH stuff. Does anyone have suggestions for making this go away. 
My brain won’t let me enjoy anything. I always have in the back of my mind ‘you have x days to return it’, ‘you should return it and have the money incase you need it tomorrow’, etc. 
I feel like a prisoner to my brain. 
Help appreciated.