I have bipolar 1 and my wife has BPD. As you can imagine that’s not the easiest pairing and lately I have felt clueless about what to do. A major part of it revolves around her anger. She says that whenever she feels like I’m not listening to her or that I’m saying something that sounds stupid to her that it makes her angry and she can not control it at all. Is this something normal for people with BPD? To feel like you can’t control being furiously angry and yelling and hurling insults? 

I just don’t know what I’m supposed to help her because no matter what I try doing and no matter how much I try to make her feel listened to, she always gets upset. I constantly feel like I have to be cautious with everything I say otherwise she will explode and yet she constantly tells me how she wants me to just be open and comfortable around her. She can go from being exceptionally kind and caring, to seemingly heartless in a matter of seconds just because she doesn’t understand something or thinks it’s stupid.

I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do and how I’m supposed to help her at all. I have no plans of ever giving up on the relationship but it feels hopeless that things will ever change. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.