Dating with BPD is really hard, mostly because that person becomes your FP and no matter how healthy or amazing that person is, there's obviously no way to make somebody with BPD happy all of the time. Honestly, that would require giving your pwBPD your entire life and only focusing on them.

I love my boyfriend, and there's nobody like him in the world. He loves me unconditionally, didn't bat an eye when we found out I have a lifelong screwy personality disorder, doesn't yell back when I start raging, goes out of his way to make sure I'm not upset even about the small things, and genuinely puts me first all of the time. Also, he has never complained about any of this and tells me that dating me isn't hard because he sees how much I love him and how hard I'm trying to be the best I can and get help.

Obviously, these are things that nobody should even expect out of a partner because we're only 18 and he should still be developing and focusing on himself. He's honestly probably enabling me but it's not like I think it's okay I'm constantly working on myself and trying my absolute best to treat him as good as he treats me.

The whole point of this post was to say that even though he does ALL of this for me and a lot more which I can't even verbalize, I still rage at him, I still am scared he's going to find something better (though I actually have been in control of these thoughts lately. He's so good to me that even my IMMENSE, CONSUMING fear of abandonment isn't messing things up), and I still get upset at the things that he can't control like being busy or going to sleep because he's tired. I never act on my feelings and I don't complain because I rationally know that he's doing literally everything he can, but it doesn't stop me from crying when I'm alone at night and feeling sad and sorry for myself. I just wish I was normal sometimes because it's like nothing will ever be good enough even though it's me who's not good enough.