Hello, I am (24/f) and I have gotten to a point where I realize medication may be my only option. 

I have major depression, severe anxiety, social anxiety, PTSD, auditory hallucinations (even though they sound like they are only inside my head), BPD, bipolar disorder, among a few other things with some physical ailments caused by psychological distress. I have tried to heal myself for years since the discovery of having BPD back in 2017, thinking that I could rewire my brain by myself as long as I put in the right amount of effort. I have tried therapy but always end up dropping out. Would start a medication only to stop it a few days later.

I have had reservations about medications because I am one of those people who sees Big Pharma as a scam to trap people into buying medications that ultimately cause more side effects than they are worth, which then leads people right back to the doctors office to fix the issues that were caused by medication. I overthink everything, and I have severe anxiety about the medication permanently altering my brain in the worst way, suffering from liver damage, stomach damage due to taking pills, and I prefer to go all natural using essential oils and home remedies to help aid things but I cannot keep this up any longer when it comes to my mental health. To be able to create my own concoctions and treatments, I require energy to do these things that I do not even have in the first place, and my lack of motivation and depression and splitting and anxious thoughts and all-around whirlwind of a nightmare in my mind is just getting too out of control. I have become used to the feeling of being empty and not feeling much for anything and this has gotten to the point where now I have anxiety for feeling nothing, and I have anxiety for feeling everything.

Long story short, I have gone back and forth about taking medication because I live for the bipolar mania and I am afraid of the side effects. Going on medication feels like a personal failure because I have held these beliefs for some time and now I have to let them all go. I am afraid of medication because I was on birth control before and the doctor gave me a type with progesterone that I am not allowed to take (due to migraines and mental health issues), so it fucked up my pituitary gland and caused a lot of side effects and helped trigger my latent illnesses. But I can’t keep going on like this..

So, recommendations for what I could ask my doctor to try out? 