I realised yesterday that I need to get an eye surgery done soon and it's something I was most afraid of, I didn't even go for an eye test until now and the one time I did I got diagnosed this way. 

I kept it together until evening but then broke down badly, I mustered courage to go get a second opinion on it which made me feel better and comfortable but I'm still shit TERRIFIED and cried the entire night and had problems sleeping well. 

I've been stable for months regarding BPD and trying so hard not to slip up because now I feel it's better I die rather than attempt the surgery, even though my parents and sibling understand I'm scared I've never cried infront of them and I don't know what to say. I constantly think of running away but it's useless considering I'll go blind so there's no point. My therapist did give me an appointment for the 16th but I'm not sure I can wait that long; I want to possibly face the anxiety and get the procedure done already so I can resume my normal activities. 

I'm shit scared that I'll lose vision or so during the procedure even though it's totally safe and has been done many times and will be done in just 15 minutes. The thought of this makes me cry and I feel nauseated and probably will run away when the actual process begins.. is this even a relevant issue to go to my therapist for? Since I'm stable I feel I don't deserve to go when no one has even told that.