My fp (boyfriend) is leaving for a few days to spend time with friends. I went with him last time and he asked if I wanted to go again. I said no because they're really more of his friends than mine and I figured they would enjoy some guy time. I also feel like he mainly asked me because he knows I hate being alone and left out. He's told me about their plans and, guess what, I'm afraid of being alone and left out.
       I'm thinking about it rationally now but earlier I had a complete internal spiral at work thinking he was going to secretly meet up with people or that there would be a girl there and he would fall for her or something or just realize I'm not that great. Or that he would have an amazing time without me. Why does that make me panic so much? I want him to have a great time. I feel so guilty for this.   
      I already have plans to clean up the place and hang out with my best friend. I just know as soon as I'm alone it's all I'll think about. And then there's the irrational fear that something is going to happen to him and this is the last time I'll see him.. why brain? I hate being so dependant on him and what hes doing. Ive already thought about using unhealthy coping mechanisms but I CANT because I've stayed away from it for so long and I dont want him to come home and know it happened because he wasn't there. Also cus it's unhealthy duh.   
       I'm going to remain as rational as I can, which seems easy now, but theres always that flip that switches when I think about the possibilities. This isn't really a question unless you know how to stop the switch from flipping. I just wanted to rant to people who might understand and not tell me I'm being an insecure baby.