I'm new to understanding bpd so I'm just trying to find out if it's me or not. This will probably be long.

So my(f) now ex bf and I got in a huge fight a few days ago and I've been dissociating since. He accused me of cheating, lying, manipulating, and twisting words. My whole identity revolves around the fact that I'm a good person. I'm not a liar, I'm generous, I have a superman complex, etc. So now I'm stuck between "am I this bad person he says I am or is he manipulating and gaslighting me?"

We broke up Sunday morning because I woke up from a drunken nap and he said these rashes on my body were hickies. If I sweat a lot and stay damp for a long period of time I get an infection between my boobs and around the groin and I had a physically intense 8 hour shift earlier that day. I told him they were rashes and started trying to argue the logic of the placement hypothetically, but he says that i admitted to them being hickies. I also have notoriously bad memory and he constantly makes me feel like things didn't happen the way I remember they happened. I then let him look through my phone without me watching and he says he saw messages from guys on there. I know there aren't because I haven't talked to anyone so I assume he looked through my old emails that I never delete. He kicked me out and then after I left started saying how I've tricked him and I'm a terrible person and all this stuff. I stopped responding and went to sleep and when I woke up I didn't know what was real anymore.

We argued for 3 days before he blocked me but the biggest argument needs some backstory. So since the beginning of our relationship he had plenty of fish on his phone. We weren't official but I asked about it anyway because of how rapid things progressed. He said that he only used it to talk to people. He eventually deleted it but we were on again off again so he would download dating apps whenever we broke up. Since he did it I started doing it too. If I knew we were going to get back together I wouldn't, but if I was fully convinced we were never getting back together I would download the apps after a week and then delete them again when we got back together. He would always ask if I fucked anyone when we broke up which seems valid to me. I don't really remember this but he says he would ask if I was talking to anyone too. Now to me talking to anyone meant is there anyone that I'm still talking to that I would be interested in romantically/sexually and so I would say no. To him it means did I message anyone at all while we were broken up and he thinks I misled him because I didn't disclose the times I talked to people in a way that I consider casual like discussing anime or video games. So then I argue that since the beginning he's said that he uses the apps to just talk to people and he says he doesn't and that he only looks occasionally and sometimes swipes. He thinks swiping on tinder is okay but messaging people is where it crosses the line? Regardless of whether the conversations were innocent/platonic. He says I'm twisting words, manipulating to get what I want, and changing my story. Obviously this shit is toxic and I won't be getting back together with him if he does manage to contact me but I'm just so confused on what's real. Part of me feels like he's an evil psychopath purposely fucking with me and the other part of me knows I'm crazy and have a bad memory so maybe things didn't happen the way I remember. Idk how to decide if I'm the problem or if I'm being manipulated.