Firstly I hate splitting/having mood swings so much. It's literally like i enjoy life and love my friends and interests then boom one day everything sucks and I don't feel any joy anymore. And it's almost like I can't even feel joy in past tense in this state and I realise this weird mind game, but it doesn't make it better. The dark thoughts just keep coming and overpowering any reason. I don't even know what to do abt this. I don't want to spend thousands on a new therapist that will just tell me "ooouh im sorry you feel that way 🥺". I need meds but every doctor and therapist hates BPD ppl so I'm quite hopeless. 

secondly, it feels so horrible to not have a life goal. Genuinely nothing makes me passionate. Not my career since im shit at it, not helping ppl cuz my contributions won't do anything, not anything! at all! the only things I am somewhat passionate about are things like travel and thats experiensive... Like I feel so lost in life??? Help???