I've been brought up in a privileged environment and my parents always availed me the best of things. But they also made sure that I know that they're giving me beyond what I should be getting. I've never been thank less, no and have Always tried to live up to their expectations. However, I've this constant anxiety that I might not be able to do anything in life. I'm always, always agitated. 

Plus, now that I am moving back to the city I did my Uni in (I'm going back on will, Uni isn't open) they're saying I don't love them. That also made me lose my composure. I really really love my parents but they don't make it easy. They doubt my every little action and do not make it easy to live with them and I when I'm finally going back, they're emotionally blackmailing me. Also, I'm also very anxious about the money they spend on me ( rent, food, etc) and whenever I ask them if they can afford it, they say even if we can't what does it matter?

Since I was a child I was constantly comapred for some reason or the other to kids my age and constantly grew up feeling like a very mediocre person who's wasting precious resources.

I'm so scared of the future and I ideate suicide a lot. I'm always anxious that all of the money they spend on me is gonna be a waste. And I'll never be able to make up to them. I'm not a very strong person when it comes to emotions so it's getting more more difficult to stay with these thoughts everyday.