I had a seemingly good night last night out at a bar, until my mood suddenly turned. So I went home and self-harmed my way into police and paramedics showing up at 4am to cart me off for a psych evaluation. This is not the first (not second, not third...) time this has happened. 

When I drink, it's fun for an hour, and then it often turns. Most nights I end up just getting miserable and anxious and afraid, feelings which carry on into the next few days. But other times, when my inhibitions are down and my normal psychological safeguards are non-existent I go back to old ways of hurting myself. Sometimes badly.

Thing is, I've used alcohol as a coping mechanism since I was 16 (a good 16 years ago itself). I've known for so long I need to stop for good, but it never sticks beyond a few days and I'm back on the same bullshit. 

So I'm appealing to the only other people with BPD I know - this community. What has your relationship with alcohol been like? Does this "fuck it" drunk attitude seep in when you're under the influence and bring out the worst in your BPD? And if you've managed to go sober, how the hell did you do it

Thanks ❤️