Not sure how long it this post is about to be but here we go. I had some really nice time this week but certain situations slowly deteriorated me to a really bad mood.  


I self-harmed twice or three times this week.I can barely breathe from the anxiety I am having right now. Nobody is here for me and I really need a hug,   


My GP told me that they can't help me and that my psychiatrist won't be able to see me earlier (haven't seen them for 5-6 months) unless I try to attempt suicide. I feel like I definitely need to get emergency appointment on Monday - by that time I will be also out of Lamotrigine, but I feel like my GP practice hates me and I bother them constantly.   


I fucked up so many times this week but also had some nice time . I really want to talk about it but also I cannot because it makes it all feel more real.  


Yesterday, while looking in the mirror I couldn't recognise myself.   


I need to study but I cannot focus.  


I am adding pics of my mood diary just so you know how my patterns of mood goes. Idk why. I just need to share.  


Can somebody talk to me for a bit please?  


Sorry. This post sucks.   


Thanks for reading if you did.

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