Hello everybody.
I’m In need og some help.

Short background: 
I grew up In a abusive House hold, and a father with PTSD from service In military in the early 1990’s. Abusive was so bad that psychiatrists was worried I was mentally retarded due to the abuse.
From a young age I was with foster parents and even an orphanage (7 months), and was removed permanently when I was 13. 
The place I lived was private and with 5 others who struggled with life.
In certain periods of my life I hid my sadness, and I was very good at it since I don’t like to be comforted or shown sympathy towards.

Today I’m proud to say I’m a nurse, and I even recently found a boyfriend.
But off course with my history and bad history of abusive boyfriends certain problems occurs.
My boyfriend struggles with things too, and with my work being so mentally draining due to the pandemic I’m having a hard time dealing with my emotions. It hurts my boyfriend a great deal that I don’t want/can’t deal with help, and he just knows I’m suffering.
Due to me not having to hide my feelings for many years I’m out of practice.

Does anyone have a great way of hiding certain feelings like depression from people? I do let it out when alone? But I’m almost never alone due to work and he wanting to spend time. I just want to be the best possible girlfriend and not having to make him worry.

Thanks in advance.