I'm trying to do better with this FP, and control the way I interact with her.  But it makes every day a fucking nightmare for me. I can't ask her 20 times a day if she hates me, so I have to just sit with my anxiety and depression all day until she messages me. When I just need someone, I can't go to her and dump all my problems on her. She has feelings too and it's not her responsibility to make me feel better. 

I have her blocked on everything today, because she's going to be with her GF all day for Valentines. She wont even think about me today so it's not like she'll notice I blocked her. I mostly did it so I wouldn't go fucking crazy and start messaging her and ruin her day. 

I'm trying my best to stop my toxic behaviors but it hurts so fucking bad. Why do we have to put ourselves through so much pain just so others don't have to see our emotions. 

I'm sorry if this makes no sense I'm trying to type it up while crying my eyes out.