Since the star of the year I've struggled with depression due to the mom of my best friend died (she was like a mother to me and I didn't had a chance to say goodbye because I didn't saw her since the pandemic)

And now during the past week the only group of friends I had decided to cut all relationship with me because of something they think I did. 

Before my friends were there for my but now I'm alone all the time, and it's really hard to keep going. I started having suicidal thoughts since February and it's getting worse, I'm scared that someday I will have the courage to do it, the only thing keeping me to not do it is thinking about my parents and brothers.

The fact that I'm 9 hours a day during 5 days a week with my "best friends" and they act as if I didn't even exist really hurts me, the anxiety causes me to self harm by scratch my arm leaving it bleeding. 

The lonelys is killing me

I lost all will to live and nothing makes me wanting to keep going but the slightest chance of everything going back to normal gives me hope.

Yesterday I posted here that I was in need of a simple hug (which I'm still in need) and some people reply giving me affection and it was so refreshing feeling safe and appreciated...