Hi. 

So I have been diagnosed with depression for about a year now. I'm on a few different anti-depressants and for awhile I'm good. I'm really good. 

&amp;#x200B;

But on days like today, and yesterday, and last week; Once I'm down I struggle to get back up again. All of my loved ones know I am afflicted, but when I shutdown I don't realize in that moment that I may be doing something hurtful to them. (just staring at their outstretched hand, disengaging with conversations, coming off as an ass during conversation). I am in a poly relationship and have two partners. Because of when/how the swings hit, both partners think its either because of them/ because of them and their other partner. I feel like I'm drowning, a big part of me just wants to drown. To let it take me. But I don't want to lose my family. I've talked to my partners and tried my best to assure them that I don't have any negative feelings for them/their partners, but they just don't get it? I'm probably not explaining well. I'm not doing this sickness justice. I want to take action against it, and work towards normal. But if I try and surround myself with family while it hits, I bring everyone around me down. If I try to act normal, I'm ignoring it. I'm so lost. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for the last year, and I've asked for a referral for a therapist so I can hopefully develop some coping mechanisms.  I don't really know what I'm looking for here, posting this. But if anyone has any advice/words of encouragement I'd appreciate them now.