I am writing the below letter to my FP who recently decided to end the friendship. I have said and done some pretty horrible things to this friend. i feel terrible. Should i send it? Or will they read it and just think i am being selfish?

I am writing this to make amends - 100% honesty.

Whether you read it or not that is up to you.

I never meant to cause any problems. I am not thinking for you. But i am sure this whole thing has been confusing for you as it has me.

I would prefer to be able to talk to you about this so i can hear your side and how my actions have affected you.

I have a long process to get to where i need to be mentally.

I have shit wrong in my head where i over think, over analyse and obsess. I feel things differently to people with out this disorder. I feel extreme lows and extreme highs. I have a black and white thinking pattern, but a rainbow of intense emotions. I can go weeks with out any issues and be 'normal' But then i have a few days where i feel the world is against me and everyone hates me... These are the days i need to be able to recognise and with the right support i know i can overcome.

I attached to you as my favourite person i didn't even know i had. Until the other day i didn't even know what that meant. I relied on you for complete emotional support. You never asked for this. I am sorry this happened. i don't know and i cant explain why it happened other than the fact of my mental health issues. This attachment is not a romantic attachment. I am not in love with you in the sense i want to be with you., i was in love with the idea of you caring for me. You being there for me. The feeling i feel every time we aren't friends or you tried to end the friendship are that of a panic attack. Anxiety. Stress. On levels i cant even put into words. It completely consumes me. So when we are friends i didn't see it. But the second you walk away i act out. i hate how that must've made you feel. There is a lot more i can go into with this but i don't think you really want to know the whole thing. I am happy to share more with you if you want to know?

I feel horrible for dragging you through this, I am only writing this letter to give you an explanation. I don't know how many times 1 person can do what i did and still expect you to be there. I cant explain and i cant comprehend so i would never expect you too.

I thank you for trying with me i really do. I have put you through so much mental torment said and done some very hurtful things. I have guilt tripped you and expected so much from you. I could only imagine the way you have felt as i have treated you this way. it truly breaks my heart. I am so sorry.

I do still hold hope that maybe with time, understanding and a lot of therapy maybe one day you will come back into my life.

I didn't ask for this disorder. i don't want this disorder. But i have it and i have to be responsible for treating it. So i never hurt another person like i hurt you and your family. I hope this helps you to understand why i did what i did, why i said what i said. Please know i am not trying to blame my mental health, i do take responsibility for my actions and my hurtful words. I just hope this explains some of what was happening in my head during these times.