So I may be a little on the autism spectrum (aspie) I started to recognize that I was not the same as other in high school. So the mid 90s. I also started fighting depression about then too. I did the expected after high school found a woman got married had kids. Got divorced in '09. Now pay ridiculous amount of child support.   I found another woman got married things were great. I actually felt happy and joy with her those feelings were new to me.  But the depression came back about 5 years in to that marriage it came back with a vengeance. That relationship ended.  I'm about 3 years single I fight every day to get up and go to work and find something to make my life have a meaning when deep down I know nothing has meaning. I'm recently diagnose with severe sleep apnea and chiari malformation. The cpap has helped with always being tired at work. But the chiari is progressing and causing more and more issues.  It is getting harder and harder to find meaning to find a reason to give a fuck.  I always wonder why I was dealt the shitty cards of life when I see people around me living happ y and successful.   That is all...