So over the last year my anxiety has gotten really bad. I haven’t left my house in over 6 months and could only bring myself to spend like 20mins in my garden about a month ago. I thought I was getting better so I decided to book my driving lessons. 

After booking I realised I had the same instructor as my sister. As I booked my sister told me that I can’t cancel and I better be consistent because it his (the instructors) time and business. This raised my anxiety very high because I have issues with disappointing people, but I booked it anyway(very dumb decision). My sister then had a lesson with the instructor, during her lesson she told him basically my whole mental health history. She knows I don’t even like my family members knowing about my issues I hardly even want her or my brother to know, so her telling the instructor spiked my anxiety. 

I messaged him after and asked to push my lessons back a month because of “school work”. I genuinely felt I couldn’t cancel because of what my sister said and thought if I pushed it back I would be less anxious later. It got to later and I was worse, I waited till the last minute then messaged the instructor and made up a lie about starting new meds and not being safe to drive,(I figured it was a good excuse since my sister had already spilled the beans) he said it was ok and he’ll put my account on hold. 

He will be contacting me towards the end of this month, but I already know I can’t do it and I’m trying to work up the courage to cancel but I don’t know how, because of my normal instinct to please other and also because of what my sister said. I want to cancel it fully now because I think it’ll more more respectful, but I really don’t know how, and I have panic attacks thinking about it, but just leaving it, knowing his message is coming and I don’t plan/literally can’t to do it, is making my daily life hell.