Hi everyone,
I recently lost my favorite person. He has BPD. After a lot of damage in the last few months, in the heat of the moment I broke up with him. I regretted it almost instantly. I apologized and have been begging for him back ever since. He’s so angry at me, he will barely even speak to me and has told me he doesn’t want to get back together after the fact that I broke up with him. Usually he is the one ready to leave me but we always end up working through it (this only happens during arguments). I felt like I was constantly being pulled between wanting to be respected in the relationship and understanding that BPD makes that look different in a relationship and I can’t expect more from him than what he knows how to give. I don’t know what to do. We are new to learning about BPD, as his diagnosis is newer. I am still trying to learn how to be a good partner in the way that he needs but I feel like I’ve failed him. I was so hurt in the moment and I feel like I allowed my hurt to ruin everything. From your guys perspectives, what can I do moving forward? How can I get him back? I want to do everything I can to be a better partner for him. If you were him, what could I do to fix things and be better in the future? I don’t want to lose him, even through all the pain, I will do anything I can.
I feel desperate and I’m starting to really get scared about how bad of a space I’m in. I miss him and I can’t let go. I don’t want to let go. I can’t eat. I cry throughout the day, every day. I can’t even hold it together at work. I feel like he’s going to replace me quickly (as he’s said he isn’t going to stay true to me because “we are done”) and I’m going to have lost the love of my life for good. He means everything to me and I feel like I’ve just lost the biggest piece of my heart. Please help me. What do I do?