I don't know where to start. I was (or at least i think) completely healthy a year ago. Then I got diagnosed with anxiety last year in November. The months leading to my diagnosis were so fucking draining. I just needed a relief. I consulted a psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with anxiety and prescribed me 10mg lexapro which I am on right now (also, I'm 21F).  

Lexapro helped me with anxiety but i don't know sometimes i get this feeling. it's not anxiety. it's something else. i just feel worthless. this feeling comes and goes. i am graduating college in june and when i see my classmates who didn't put in as much effort as i did- getting jobs, it really makes me feel like i am the dumbest bitch in the world. these days i barely have one friend and i feel so fucking lonely. 

it has now gotten to the point that sometimes i think about harming myself because i feel like it will validate my diagnosis. sometimes i really really think i am faking all this.

i am afraid that if i self harm even for one time, ill get addicted and i don't know how to stop myself from fantasizing about it.

these days, i barely get course work done. i feel like my mind is so tired. 

also, i can't afford therapy before i get a job and i don't like my psychiatrist. in her 'follow-up' appointments, she doesn't put in much effort or ask me stuff that she should as it is so hard for me to open up.