The past couple of days have felt like hell. I always have thoughts of suicide every once in a while but I usually calm down within a few hours. 

On Monday though something just snapped in my brain. I just desperately wanted to die. I started to self harm again by cutting my arms and that helped me calm down.

 On Tuesday morning I started feeling suicdal again. Out of act of desperation I told my best friend that I wanted to die. She of course tried talk me out of it. I just couldn't calm down. I then messaged her again telling her that I'm going to kill myself. She of course responded telling me that things will get better. I decided not to go through with killing myself.

Im terrified that I've lost my best friend. I've sent her multiple messages trying to apologize. She hasn't responded to a single one. I have history of telling her how I feel. She usually replys back with kind and reassuring words. I feel like I just lost my favorite person to talk to. 

That was probably way too long to read. I'm sorry.

TL;DR Told my friend that I'm going to kill myself and now I'm terrified  that I've lost her.