I ended my relationship 3 days ago, we were living together in his house so I had to pack my stuff and leave, I am now currently sleeping in my sister’s uncomfortable couch and looking for apartments to go live with her…but the thing is, I don’t want to live with her!! She tries to be supportive but instead she only makes me feel worse, she has the idea that you can get rid of depression and mental illness with “a positive attitude and exercise”. But I can’t go live by myself bc I can’t afford it and have no friends that would want to rent together with me.
I also deeply hate my sister’s boyfriend! He’s really sexist and really loud it stresses me every time he’s here, and my sister never tells him whenever he’s saying or doing something wrong. 
I had an awesome support circle back at my now ex boyfriend’s house, his whole family loves me and have been a greater support than my own family. My ex was also my biggest emotional support he was the only one who understood me and he was always taking care of me and making sure I was happy and loved. I broke up with him precisely bc he told I was draining him and he couldn’t focus on taking care of his mental health bc he was always worrying about me and that I needed to change but not for him or to be with him but for my own.

I hate myself and I am dreading my future living situation, I’m scared I’m gonna be unhappy living with my sister and also worried of what it could do to my mental health as she doesn’t understand my struggles eith BPD