i never realized how truly tired and hateful this illness has made me. i’ve had it for years, at least, been diagnosed for a long time, and i’ve tried so many pills to fix it. nothing works. my brain feels empty and everything around me just feels exhausting. it’s not that i hate myself, (though i do at times) it’s that i hate my illness, and how it’s made me change. i don’t like doing the things i used to. i hate waking up. i hate that i have to eat and do normal people things every day. it’s just so exhausting.