In the beginning of this year I was so deep in my self destructive behaviors shithole, I was doing drugs, binge drinking for days and non stop partying like I was indestructible. It went on for months but in those times I was so convinced that I was "stable or better", now looking back I'm realizing that I was not. I was so lost in all of it, I got suck into that shithole and I could've died or worst, died.