i’m 19 years old, no job, i don’t workout, i’ve been distancing myself from my friends and family. family has to be the most difficult. i was raised as a christian but when i turned 18 i no longer believed in that stuff. i’m also lgbtq so it’s really difficult to find a common ground with them. i don’t like going out with them, i feel like their activities are too “family” and idk i really can’t explain it. i smoke weed everyday which sucks, i’ve been wanting to lessen that so i can get my life back around. i lost my job about 2 months ago and have been applying everywhere since then. no job seems to get back to me, i’ve had about 3 interviews but nothing. i’m starting to think maybe it’s my appearance or my stuttering and nervousness that gives me away. i PMO a lot and i’ve been trying to stop that for a year or 2. i tend to always think pessimistically. my mom thinks i need to see a therapist and i kinda agree with her. i wanna tell my family that i don’t believe in christianity anymore but i’m too scared to hear their response. they always push me to pray and read the bible but that’s just not for me. i lay in my room all day (except to hang out with my girlfriend) i have no vision of a future career. i don’t know what i want to do in the future. i’ve always wanted to model in the past but that won’t put food on the table. i know that i should start small by setting small goals instead of looking at all of them at once, but everytime i trey to improve myself i always relapse. it seems that my cravings and desires take over my logical thinking that tells me “don’t relapse” again, i have no motivation or inspiration to do anything. i’m tired of being in this cycle and i want to get myself up and working again. the most difficult thing so far has been securing a job.i don’t know what i’m doing wrong. if someone can give me some guidance that will actually get me moving i would appreciate it a lot.