I'm 26M, turning 27 in June. I worked my ass off in college to get a 5 year Master's of Engineering in Biomedical Engineering. I make 100k a year in a MCOL area. I'm debt free, and attempting to save for a house. 

I'm the ugliest person I know on the outside. In high school I asked two girls out, and both times I was laughed at and rejected. It hurt horribly bad because it took all the guts I had to do it, and I did all of it to get humiliated. In college I asked girls out through text and was rejected but it hurt way less at least. 

I'm 5'10 and a half and weigh about 170 pounds, skinny fat. I tried doing the 100 pushup challenge and got myself to the point I could do 20 in a row, and then I injured my hand playing a sport and fell out of my routine. I'm also literally a redheaded stepchild. I've been on and off dating apps for 6 years and had a total of maybe 5 matches over that time. Used photofeeler, got opinions from people anonymously and it never helped. I did go on two first dates out of those few matches that I thought went well, but realized that I was just being used as a meal ticket both times. I try to give up on dating but I have a delusion that I actually have a chance at finding someone someday which I guess keep me going. I'm smart enough to know that the odds of actually finding an attractive woman who likes ME instead of her thousands of other hot options are zero, but it's difficult to accept that fact.

Life just feels pointless. I get up every day at 6 AM to eat, shower, get dressed, and start work by 7 or 7:30. I finish at 5 every day and have little to no energy to try to fit in exercise or hobbies afterwards, then I eat dinner, shower again, and do whatever else I need to around the house. Go to bed. Rinse and repeat 5 times. On the weekends I grocery shop, do laundry, other house work/chores, pay bills if I have them. Maybe fit in a day to have some fun and focus on hobbies and spend time with my parents, but then it's straight back to work. No social life, only 1 real friend who has a gf now so doesn't have much time to spend with me. I've never been a very social person, but it kills me inside whenever I go out to eat with my friend or my parents and see all of the couples who are attractive and appear very happy. I'll never have that, no matter how much I try.

It also feels like everything I do always turns to shit, even if it's the "responsible" decision. In late February 2020 I thought it would be a good idea to pay off my remaining 40k of student loan debt. After all, it was at 5% interest and who knows if the market would continue its bull run to outweigh my interest rate. So I paid it all off at once with nearly all of my savings drained in one fell swoop. Felt great at the time, debt free at 24. One month later? Pandemic, interest rates to zero. Nobody has had to pay a cent on student loans for over 2 years, and it's looking more and more likely that they'll just be forgiven now. Guess that's what I get for being responsible. I guess I should be happy that I'm still on the route to being financially successful despite that setback, but knowing my luck inflation will just get worse and worse, and my 100k a year won't even matter. I'll be working until 65 just like everybody else.

I truly don't know what to do at this point. My job is ok, but the hours are long. I don't want to bother trying to make more friends because it doesn't interest me, but at the same time I want to try dating and getting close to a woman. I just don't know how to get out of this. I would happily fast forward to age 100 or whenever I'm going to actually die than keep limping through life for the next however many years. It just sucks, and I'm convinced there's nothing I can do that's going to make me happy. It's getting to the point where I've felt this way for so many years that the sadness is more just numbness.