I have going through so much mental turmoil. Days in my life don’t matter and I have no real hope for the future. My emotional control and intelligence is in the trash. I feel so suicidal. The littlest things can trigger these thoughts because my days are filled with so much sorrow and regret. I feel so horrible about myself and fantasize about self-harm. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get better. Exercise doesn’t make me happy. I only do it so I could look better in hope that someone will notice me. I hate myself so much. I feel so angry all the time. I have an appointment with a new therapist on Tuesday after my old one ghosted me. I’ve been working so much at my job and neglecting my mental health. I’m only spiraling downward. I wish for the day to finally feel peace but I fear that would only come with my passing. I am so tired of trying to exist. I feel nothing for life anymore.