I dont have anyone to talk to, probably bc ive isolated myself for so long, but i need to vent out my situation. Its so upsetting that i didnt realize until it was too late. Now im grief-stricken because i keep thinking back and realizing more and more that i was irrational &amp; acting crazy. In the end i hurt him and i hurt myself.

 I was unhealthy amounts of jealous and always making nothing into something. I couldn't control my anger but at times id realize after getting upset and apologize but it still took a toll on him and the relationship. Its been so complicated. And i only found out recently that i had bpd.. ive been looking more into it and reading alot of articles on it. ive had alot of realizations this past week and im pretty sure i was borderline obessed with him. 

Im trying really hard not to let my bpd get the best of me, when he decided he wanted to leave me, i cried on the floor, poured my heart out, and i wanted him to feel something that he does not anymore. So i want to take better steps to heal and not act so intensely. I am very aware and it sucks but im aware my disorder can get out of hand and make me say and do things i regret. I am aware i was selfish for asking him to stay with me when he does not feel the same as i do and has moved onto someone else. 

All of this is heart wrenching. Im qfeeling very abandoned &amp; rejected but i want to be a better person for myself and in the future i want to have stable relationships. Ive been writing alot to myself for support but i just need some outside reassurance that everything is going to be okay. I just want to learn and grow from this experience.