I need to keep myself recluse from every source of happiness.

I can't stand seeing happy people getting degrees, getting new jobs, enjoying their great relationships, having success, working and being functional human beings, being social and full of friends, buying what they want with the money they earned...I..I just can't.

It hurts too much, knowing I will never be able to be one of them...I became a complete shut in, I haven't left my home in a month, spend my days in a dark room taking my meds and sleeping pills, barely eating, isolating myself, avoiding any social media so I won't see other's people happiness and it will hurt less...

I'm alone and I'm just a parasite of my family who will never be a functioning human...I just wish I could sleep forever...

Opening my windows and seeing it sunny and people doing their business outside it's also upsetting. I wish I was healthy and normal like them.
This is heartbreaking.
Been living like this for years. 
It never ends. I've lost all hope. :/