I just feel exhausted. I was in a bad episode for pretty much this entire year with maybe a few weeks break from it on and off every few months, but other than that... yeah, it's been non stop.

&amp;#x200B;

I've just been really struggling with online classes and changes to my routine and all the general pandemic anxiety and uncertainty has only made things worse for me. But now that the Christmas holidays are about to begin I feel like the little security net with lectures and schedules is going to fall apart and everything's going to go back to how it was. Even right now with things feeling a little better, it's only *a little* better and I'm constantly feeling like I'm just one bad day away from sliding back down.

&amp;#x200B;

I'm struggling really badly right now. I can't stand to look at my own reflection because it just feels like I'm looking at an alien or a doll or something that just isn't me and it feels so hideous. I don't recognise myself in it. I look down at my body and it feels more like a puppet than something that belongs to me. I have so little motivation or enjoyment of anything, I'm so worn out physically and emotionally, I feel absolutely disgusting because even hygiene is something I'm struggling with and I'm just completely miserable. I don't want to break down again but it feels inevitable. I don't know what to do.