Im a 18F, i have a 19M bf.
You see i don't know what to do with our relationship, we've been together for two years now and i've met him three years ago.
I been fighting with mental illness from a very young age, i have a couple suicide attempts on my history. When i first met him we used to bond with comforting the other, he was in a bad place, i was in a bad place.
But after a couple months passing by (9 to be exact) he starts to get better, he heals his bond with his family, he starts to go out with friends more often and that's absolutely wonderful to me.
The thing is that i haven't gotten better. I'm slowly fading away from myself. I keep having breakdowns, i started developing more bad habits that just shows how insane im going. I keep spacing out, bursting in tears and a brutal anger and frustration out of nowhere, i find myself pacing back and forth constantly in order to quietly soothe myself. My mental health is so bad i just keep thinking on leaving all behind.

My hands are all injured because i have this random bursts of desesperation and helpless crying loudly where i have to hit something to get all the pain and sound out of my head. Nobody knows that, i only do it all alone.

The advice i need is about my boyfriend. I keep telling him small details to make him know how am i doing, but he just seems to not care. He doesn't even try to comfort me. Usually he'd be like "oh that's sad i'll make u something nice to eat later, anyway did i tell you that..." And he goes on about any random subject like anime, memes, new things on the store or games that we play together.
Im afraid i might go crazy and just unalive myself any minute, i need him, i need his comfort but i don't know how to ask and not scare him away, because he just goes so silent when i tell him about my destroyed brain it makes everything worse and i end up apologizing for being to oversharing and treating him like a therapist.

Maybe depression is slowly getting terminal.

I don't know how to approach this, i've apologized so many times for being oversharing that i don't even feel it valid anymore. Please help me