This is gonna be long.  Grab a drink and your reading glasses. 

I don’t even know where to start. 

When I was somewhere in my early 40’s I went to my doctor about depression.  He dropped the biggest bomb I’ve ever had dropped on me in my life. “I don’t know if you know this but I think you’re on the autism spectrum.”

Partial relief.  Partial anger at that one.  It explained a lot.  And I mean a lot.  But I wish I’d known earlier.  My parents chose the denial route hoping it would go away.  With mixed results.  But I’m finding as I get older the “symptoms” are getting worse not better. 

I’ve been married twice.  I’m in a long distance relationship with my perfect woman.  Bad news is she’s 4500 km away from me.  We would have met a lot sooner if COVID hadn’t gotten in the way.  It’s still partially in the way. 

In January of this year both of my parents died in the span of 7 days.  I’ve been semi-dependent all of my life.  I’m trying to stay afloat on my own but it’s really hard.  I’m in this employment counseling program that is really frustrating me.  It’s taking forever to do nothing.  

My father was in legal trouble before he died.  I got a message from a lawyer the other day saying they plan to sue the estate.  The estate is in the red.  I can’t afford a lawyer. 

Everything that can go wrong does go wrong.  This has been the year from hell. 

I just want to breathe my last and collapse.