Does anyone else stare at others in public spaces? I've been going rock climbing a few times a week in an indoor gym and I find myself staring/idolizing these complete strangers and of course make myself feel bad about my own appearance/clothes/personality even though I've never even heard these people speak. I've done this throughout my life in numerous places. When I was younger, going to amusement parks was the absolute worst because I would compare myself all day to other girls in line and constantly make myself feel bad for being so unoriginal and identity-less. 

I just find myself creating all these ideas of who these people are and how great it must feel to have such a stable identity that they know exactly what to wear, how to style their hair, and they just look so effortless and complete and comfortable. I find it hard to stop staring and idealizing what their life must be like. To just live not being aware of those around them. To just live not feeling like they're constantly a third party in their life. I just always feel like an omniscient narrator looking at things from afar, including myself. I can never just be ME because I don't even know what me is...ugh. 

All this just makes me feel like a poser. I just don't know what style I have so I always end up looking like a mash-up of all these identities I admire but don't have. 

And of course, since I started rock climbing, I have a desire to go and purchase clothes that I've seen some other girls wearing so I can look like them but I've stopped myself because I know it'll just end up making me feel so pathetic and emptier than ever.