Last 4 years maybe every few months I imagine doing the unthinkable. I usually day dream and go through how I would go about it. Often times I will cry while it happens. Lately, it has been getting worse, but no where near actually contemplating it, but constantly thinking "I should just **** myself. Should I see someone? I do not have good insurance and there are limited available therapist. My fear is opening up to them and them not giving a shit.