I can't get any help at all. I'm struggling with crippling BPD and all the lovely package that it brought me; social anxiety, psychosis, depression, paranoia, self harm. Recently I've been diagnosed with sleep paralysis and I've just relapsed into anorexia.

Even writing this is so hard, because it feels like I'm making it all up, like nobody will believe me. Like I don't have it hard, and I'm just ungrateful. I spend my entire day trying to manage my mental health, it's literally all I can focus on. It's been like this for years. I can't enjoy life at all because I need to constantly tend to my mental health. It's exhausting, genuinely exhausting. I'm constantly breaking down on the inside but I always present a flawless exterior to others.

I can't get help, not even from my therapist. Because when she asks me what's wrong with me, what do I need to change, I can't say anything. I can't open up at all. The entire world feels like my enemy. All my psychiatrist can do is give me pills because I told her the bare minimum to receive my diagnoses.

I can't live like this anymore. I don't know what to do, where to start, I'm so tired, just so tired. I know I'm strong, I've survived so far, but nearly every day I feel as if I can't be strong anymore, like I'm ready to give up and just... end it.