So, I 20F have decided I do not want to date anyone. At least not until i turn 30..or maybe never..it all depends on how I age.

I have a very young looking face, one that people would refer to as neotenous, but one that I would refer to as visibly underdeveloped, small and deformed looking.
I have to come to terms with the fact that my facial structure probably won’t change in the next few years..at least not drastically and to the extent that
1.I’d go from looking like a 12-15 year old at most to a grown woman
2. I wish it would

Before continuing, I would like to beg anyone to refrain from comments like “You’ll be thankful for it when you’re older” “You’ll look great as you age, at 40 you’ll look like 20..” etc..as these enrage me and because I hate people’s attempts at giving me false hope, being dismissive and invalidating me, especially when not knowing or understanding my situation 

Not only is a babyface, the way mine is shaped not guaranteed to look good or younger with age, as well as there being the risk of ending up like those people from the 13or30 sub…considering I have bad bone structure, pre jowls and horrible eyebags
but the downsides of looking significantly younger imo outweigh any potential benefits of it..most of which I don’t think are benefits at all..

My body isn’t much better, I’m petite, small built..childlike, with very narrow shoulders and hips..I once calculated my hip size in inches and it turned out to be way below average for a woman..Someone on a sub actually commented that that is not the normal hip size for a woman but for a teen starting puberty..it just reinforced my already poor self image


My face, my humongous bulgy eyes disgust me..my pouty small lips, my facial expression is so childlike as well, like an actual kid, a confused stupid looking kid…there is absolutely nothing attractive about me, no matter how old I get, I will never be attractive or hot, or sexy..it would be possible to maybe be perceived as pretty and only if I could compensate with a personality, but to be seen by someone as physically desirable? No

And it breaks my heart, that I will never know what it’s like to feel like a woman, never be able to truly dress like one because my body doesn’t allow it.
I hate imagining myself being intimate with someone, it’s like they would be with a child…

I’ve thought about kms honestly, because I don’t want to live a life so unfulfilled and filled with embarrassment, shame and disgust over myself. Having to justify my lack of achievements, relationships and goals in general…There is no way I could ever accept myself, let alone love myself, nor is it a goal of mine.
I just need a way to cope with living this way and I struggle to find it.