It upsets me when my room is a mess. I hate it. I hate that I get to such a low place that it becomes a disaster and sometimes a disaster so big I don't think it can be fixed.

The problem is as long as my room is that big of a mess I'm always working towards getting it clean. Don't know what to do, clean my room. Nothing's going on, clean my room. Need to do something turn on YouTube and clean my room. Trying to fix my room has been a constant in my life for years.

Now I did it. I cleaned my room. I've kept it clean. Which means I'm in a better place mentally, but getting my room clean was such an endorphins rush. Hell, days where I just made progress was an endorphins rush. Now I'm sitting here and I need to feel accomplished and... Nothing.

Having to get my room clean has been such a constant in my life that the fact that it's clean now is throwing me off and I don't know what to do