An appointment with a mental health specialist this week has pushed me over the edge. He kept telling me I'm not actually depressed, I'm not traumatised because I was never actually abused, and that I don't want to die even though I've made suicide attempts in the past and am currently planning one.

I haven't tried suicide recently because I was willing to try things to see if life is worth living. Medication and therapy haven't helped in the last ten years, and I have no patience anymore.

Unfortunately I'll have to sneak out of my parents' house and go behind their backs to do this. People keep saying that I need to empathize with people that would miss me, but they've made no effort at all to empathize with my desire to die, so I don't care anymore. 

Obviously if there was any other way to get rid of these thoughts, I'd go with that, but I've been depressed for 20 years, it's worse than ever, and I'm tired of arguing with people about what's best for me. I just need to do it now