Suddenly sleepless because I’m only now properly enraged. He only put it on when in front of customers. Breathing the rest of the time, even coughing, in the back, where, you know, air still exists. It’s fire season and Smokey but god damn it, wtf man. My coworker asked him to put it on after some trepidation as we are only girls and only part timers. 

Course when she went home off it came. Wtf man!! I was supposed to be tested for pots earlier so I’m a likelier candidate for bad shit to happen, despite being young and athletic [dancer). 

I usually am good about asserting my safety, I even complained when a different shift acted similarly, but I couldn’t today!!!!!! I was doubled over in pain with early iud cramps I hadn’t expected. I was focusing keeping upright and trying not to look too pained, even though I was pale and sweating. 

Thanks. I just really needed a place to say this. I should quit because I’m fortunate to not need the money as subsistence, but I ... mentally, it’s very tough to be just home. I was on leave from March to June, when it ran out. I did really well considering I have add anxiety and depression already, and of an existential variety, did and do projects, art, makeshift barre exercises. 

But my life consisted of dance, work, and hanging out with my good and close friends one of whom I’d started dating in feb. 

well my best friend moved away. Obvious no true dance nor the socialization that goes with it.  The dude freaked out over his own feelings and BS, ditched me. Became more Mdd episodic than persistent/dysthymia depressed, couldn’t eat and have to try not become anorexic again but it’s hard when you lose weight without planning to. 

So it’s just me living at home with family. Better than alone, I get a,one w me too very well, but I get very frightened and depersonalized when just interacting with nuclear family, ever since being a kid. 

Sorry. My throats itchy from the smoke. I guess. I wrote a long email to hr about it just now because I have already futilely asked my direct supervisor over it.