I've spent so many Christmases alone, depressed, and scrolling through other peoples stories where they're opening presents &amp; doing other family activities. Either that or I'd work on Christmas as a cashier and feel a pang in my chest whenever a happy family would come in. I know that as an adult I should get over my holiday angst but I just can't help it. I'm at a good point in my life where I have a boyfriend and friends I can spend the holidays with but doing holiday activities feels foreign and almost uncomfortable. It just feels like my life is too good to be true and all my friend / boyfriend will leave. I have abandonment issues because my step dad left my mom and I when I was about 10, resulting in me being left in the care of my neglectful mom who can barely take care of herself. After he left my mom and I didn't really do anything for Christmas but my biological dad and grandma would come visit and we'd go to Japan town in SF. Then my grandma died on Christmas eve. And then my dad became very violent towards me and I had to cut him off. So yea this time of the year brings up a lot of baggage.