I’m 39 married and have no kids. I’ve always wanted to be a mother. I’m not attracted to my husband and he understands my need to be a mom. We talked and he is ok with me getting pregnant by someone else and raise the kid as ours. Part of me wants that. Another part wants to get a divorce and remarry. Another part wants to get divorce and just be a slut by sleeping around. I don’t know what to do. I started therapy and the constant conflict inside of me is stressing me out. 

I have a very high sex drive and want sex all the time. Last two months I’ve been with 5 men and talking to a few more. Tonight I’ve made plans to meet 2 different men for sex. They don’t know about each other, but both know I’m trying to get pregnant. I’m just losing control. I have a date set up for Monday with a really nice guy who wants relationship and who thinks I am separated. I tell some of them that I’m separated others about deal with husband to get pregnant. 

One second I want to get pregnant and raise a child with my husband, then I change mind and just want sex. I know deep inside I shouldn’t have a kid yet until I get my life sorted out. But I’m 39 and may never have a kid if I wait any longer. 

I can’t stop thinking about what to do. I feel like a failure and getting a divorce after 16 years would be terrible. I would have to start over in life which would put me further from goal being a mom. Also, I’m worried about my husband if we get divorced. He might never find anyone else and not have any kids. This constant conflict is killing me. 

