I don’t know if I’m technically abusive but I need to change. For the past couple months it’s been fine but I used to argue with my husband every other week. I’m on lamotrigine but he sets me off because he has issues too. I’m going to take a higher dose because I’m tired of this and my daughter is only 2 and I don’t ever want her to listen to me yell anymore. I don’t yell at her but she’s going to be damaged by my bad relationship with my husband. Therapy does not work. I’ve been through at least 6 of them and only one was good but she’s in another state and it’s not like she can be there when I’m in a heated arguement. 

I don’t know why my husband wants to stay with me anymore when I yell at him so much. I’ve already said I’ve traumatized her enough by arguing with him through her infancy. Maybe there’s truth to my arguements but he can’t change and neither can I so it doesn’t matter. Maybe he doesn’t want the financial burden. I need at least 2 years to become financially independent and I don’t know how we will survive another 2 years. 

It hasn’t been bad for the past 3 months but this week has just been hell because my daughter hasn’t been in nursery school during the February break and my husband is too busy at work to help and when he’s home he’s generally got a crappy personality that sets me off. He lacks empathy and has poor communication skills as a result of having cptsd. I’m done taking care of him and a child at the same time. 

I’m angry that he refuses to give up on this failure of a relationship. He’s in denial of the fact that this is hell for me and him and I just want to pay a lawyer with his credit card and get it over with. But everyone discourages divorce because of the financial burden and the child’s well being. I don’t know what to do. 

