Third time trying to make this post, woah.
After four years of unemployment, I've found a job. It requires of me staying at classes on a high school being a tutor for teenage kids and keeping up with their academic development.

Bit of background: I'm basically out of college (psychology) because of financial and academic reasons, parents can't afford keeping me (25F) and my brother (24M) at uni at the same time. My brother is a top student and has fought really hard to stay in university and I, on the other hand, had two massive breakdowns/suicide attempts because of a history of sexual abuse from part of two close family members, one of which lasted from puberty to my teenage years. Finally, three years ago I was diagnosed with BPD. Currently I'm on minimal medication and not going to therapy.

So today I need to sign the contract for the job, but I don't feel capable of doing it. I've passed all the tests for it, though I had a nervous breakdown the morning before the last one (staying at a summer class all day, giving a small presentation at the end).

I've talked with my mom about it, and she thinks I should sign the papers and get back to therapy ASAP, or at last resource, intern myself at the hospital for a few days before classes at the school begin (monday next week). She has also given me other options not signing and keep studying languages like english or french (we're not american), going on the teaching program and start working on it. But I'm so, so tired of beginning again and I'm not sold on it because I want to finish my college career and feel like I can never finish what I begin and that I'm getting too old for it and to keep living from my parents (turning 26 in two months).

I'm utterly afraid of signing, and then not being capable of going anymore or even present me the first day. This has happened before while working at a library, it started with me working at an office but changed to attending people and I just couldn't do it. Left without previous notice.

The talk with my mom scalated into a fight, and we're currently not talking. She's my main support so I'm completely lost right now.

Any advice? I desperately need it.