i put a CW tag just in case bc i don’t want anyone dealing with addiction issues to mistake this for romanticizing doing drugs. but i need to get this off my chest anyway.. i’ve been really going through it lately. it’s like a weird “transformative” phase in my life and i can tell i’m growing but it’s really just.... painful sometimes. it’s very uncomfortable and let’s just say, i completely get why there are people who would rather suppress it with drugs than deal with these hard feelings. my family has a history w drug abuse and mental illness so i stay away from anything that’s not weed so i’m not particularly worried about forming an addiction to something unrelated to my weed dependency but.... damn.... now that i have a weed tolerance, it would be a lot easier to numb this with something rather than deal with it. but i know dealing with it is the best option so i’m trying to continue on that path and not to let these intrusive thoughts have power. but damn it’s hard to down right ignore them too.