So, when I say "pull out all the stops", I mean pull out all the tricks, coping mechanisms, strategies, emotions, or lackthereof to get someone to NOT leave. I have found that when the writing was on the wall for my long-term relationships, I have just absolutely, like, lost my shit... and tried almost everything I could think of, even if it wasn't super candid and pleasant, in order to get them to stay, and in order to keep our relationship working. 

But here's the thing, I didn't necessarily do this from a place of anxiety. Now, obviously I did, and I wouldn't be here, in the subreddit, if I didn't have a massive fucking issue with abandonment in ways that I can't control. And that's just it! I really don't know how to tame this beast, because for me it ALSO comes from a place of "commitment". I genuinely believe, in my fucked up head, somewhere, that commitment means making the relationship work, and staying with your partner and not jumping ship (which sounds actually fine, until...), BUT that that somehow translates into me really putting UP with a lot of incompatibility, or other things, as well as putting ON a lot of emotion, or lack thereof. I'm genuinely possessed from how commitment has been instilled in me to act this way, it's not just an anxiety thing. 

I know a few terms for this, btw. Could it be "anxious preoccupied attachment"? Maybe, but idk, I've looked into it before, and I'm still like this, so. Could it be BPD? Well... likely. Is it codependency? That's likely, too, but I've looked into all 3 of these, and still have seen no real change in my behavior.