I've been with my husband for 6 years, 1 year was amazing then it slowly started to decline after I became a stay at home mom while I completed my degree in business. 

He would call me all day accusing me of cheating, sucking dick while I was on the phone with him. (Mind you my children were home) 

Then the drug abuse started and it was mainly cocaine but just about anything he could do he would and it quickly got bad. 

He would have extreme bouts of rage then feel disgusted with himself afterwards. 

It's been roughly 3 years since he has been "clean" he is much better but whenever he thinks I am going to leave even if it's just to go to my moms house he will usually go on a binge and it completely changes who he is. 

I've been doing a lot a research into how BPD can manifest in males differently than women and I'm just trying to understand my spouse better so I can not only help him but also not put myself into a mentally fragile state.

Back when he was constantly accusing me of doing things that; Quite frankly I've never in a million years had cross my mind I began wondering if he was cheating and projecting his guilt onto me.

So I started digging...

I learned that often times when we would fight he would contact prostitutes, and go to random hotels. He would have many female friends which I never stood in the way of, I discovered while they weren't always physically intimate it was like he was trying to develop emotional relationships with them. 

I've been tested many times since then and am grateful to have never contracted anything. 

Fast forward to present day:

The two of us are in a much different place emotionally and I've gotten him to open up about a lot of the things he's done. I always make sure to tell him I love him, I'm not going to leave and I will always at the very least try to understand. 

He's told me about the prostitutes and how it is the hardest thing for him to give up. 

He told me he "almost" slept with two of my close friends. But they decided not to.

Each friend when I asked them if it was true they immediately denied it so I dont know if he is telling me the truth about what happened with them or just making it up because it would make him feel better knowing he could have them if he wanted?...

I thought I could be understanding, but I'm struggling I keep comparing myself, I find myself getting jealous of every woman in his life and it's really taken its toll on my self esteem and confidence. 

I guess what I am looking for is if there are any men out there with BPD that have done similar things and if they have any insight as to why they do it?

Is it variety?

If anyone has any insight on a similar situation I'd really appreciate it.