I only had a few friends growing up, even though friendships really meant a big deal to me. I'd always go an extra mile to make someone smile or make someone happy. As i grew older, this behavior started to be a bit draining for me, and even though I still have friends, I usually end up feeling unwanted, sad and lonely. The thing is, since friendships are so meaningful for me, my social battery drains very quickly and people rarely see me around and that combined with highschool obligations, I can't really reinforce my relationships with people to a level I want them to be...
I've never been in a romantic-relationship either, but I did try...

Today was my birthday and none of my friends showed up, I feel guilty for half expecting them, even though I surprised most of them on their birthday...

I am aware that I need to recenter my priorities in order to stay sane, but it's really exhausting and I wish things would magically change overnight...

All in all, at this point I feel like I don't deserve love, as dramatic as that sounds...