I’m not gonna go on forever , I know it’ll go unread… I don’t know where to say this but I feel like I need to. 

I’ve never felt so hopeless in my life, I’ve had the worst year of my life by far, it’s been rough from the 3rd day. I spent the week of my 18th birthday having episodes and the months that followed in and out of hospitals and ERs. This isn’t a pity post, I don’t want pity, I don’t want sympathy, I just want to feel okay again. 

I feel so different and alienated. I feel so unlovable and unimportant. I don’t know how I’m still alive and how much longer I will be, it all scares me so badly… those few moments I have where I get fuckrd up and forget about my worries and feel hope for a little while, love/hate it. Constantly feels like I’m getting nowhere. 

I put my faith into moving out to a new city on my own but i think part of me knows shit might not change, it’s still gonna be the same old me…. 

I try my best I really do but depression is a SICK fucking disease and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, I’m so lost. I just wanna feel happy and whole again :/