I hope "perspective needed" is the right flair.  Basically, my gf who is bipolar and a pwBPD and I started dating almost a year ago.  About 2.5 months in she took me to meet her whole family, showed me all the places that meant everything to her growing up, and said she had never shown any of her other boyfriends (two of them 2+ years, one 9 years) those places.

She dropped me off at the airport after this beautiful weekend, then said she was going to a beach hotel an hour away from the airport to write and relax.

It was just recently revealed to me a few weeks ago that while at that beach hotel, a 22-yo bartender was flirting with her, got her number, and asked her to hang out at night (the night she dropped me at the airport, and said she wanted to call me and talk).  Apparently, she went to hang out with him and his friends, but he was alone on the beach, but she stayed anyways and drank with him and talked.  3am I get an "I love you so much" text, but no explanation why she went AWOL from our phone call earlier.

Apparently, also, she drove to the bartender's house the next day to get a book he wanted to give her, and he was texting her for a month saying how obsessed he was with her and how she changed his life.

Yep - all of this I learn nearly a year into our relationship.  She said her mind was so "f-cked" and she was so lonely, but keeps saying "nothing happened!"

I've been so anxious now every time she's said she's going to hang out with friends now.  Tonight, I didn't hear from her for six hours while she was at dinner and hanging out with friends, and my mind couldn't help but fall into a "is this another bartender scenario?"

How - how do I survive or understand or get past this, if at all?  My trust has been totally shattered, and I don't feel like myself now when she goes off to hang with people as a result.

I totally understand what drove her to do this after my readings on BPD, but it hurts and I just don't know what to do or say or if anything will feel better again :'(