I feel like I’m never doing the right thing. I am self aware and see the way that I act and don’t like it. I can’t do anything to change though I just get drained and then turn monotone without facial expression and can’t think. I just turn very numb and uncaring and even more anxious. Like my body gets so tense and I don’t know what to do with my hands or where to look. 

Then this way I’m acting makes my anxiety worse and it just snowballs until I can barley stand it. It seems like everyone is able to express so well all the time. I just feel so different like an uptight alien. 

I just wish I could have a different body and brain chemistry that would allow me to be who I wanted to be all the time. In my current state I feel so limited. I want to be more expressive and happy and energetic but I just can’t find it in me. I want to be social but then I feel like I just get bad vibes all over them and wonder if it would be better if I just never opened my mouth so I didn’t make people feel weird. I am just so damn uncomfortable all of the time:(