I was psychotic and committed involuntarily. Regardless, it’s like I have no rights as a mental patient. I’m glad I was forced to take the medications but the whole experience was fucking traumatizing. I would rather die on the street than go to the hospital. I don’t really know what I’m going to do with other medical issues because I simply do not trust that my best interest is being taken into account. 

It’s also great to read the shit my mother was telling the hospital too. I understand that I needed help but I’m so fucking irritated and triggered by the fact that I was basically less than a human in that state. 

I remember asking so many questions as to why I was admitted and having nurses slam doors in my face. No one bothered to explain to me why I was there - as if it was obvious. 

Maybe obvious to the rest of the world but I often wonder what would’ve happened if someone just sat with me and tried to explain my disorder instead of check on me every 15 mins to see if I killed myself yet. I was so resistant to treatment because I didn’t understand what I did wrong to begin with. 

I just had to vent. I finished going through 1.5k pages and it’s like watching a car crash