My (NB 24) ex wife and fp (F22) is constantly in my head. We tried to work things out a few months ago before the divorce was finalized but she ended up leaving to focus on herself. 

While I know that’s what I want for her I can’t help but want to message her. I want her back. I want her attention. 
I know that neither of us are in a good place to be with each other right now and I know she has already moved on and sleeping with other people (so have I)
But the thought of that will make me split. Any little thought of her being happy without me will make me split and hate her.
Deep down in my truest self I can say all I want for her is to be happy and healthy. I truly do want for her to be happy even if it isn’t with me.

But I’m still haunted by this shame and guilt that gets turned into anger and “fuck her” type mentality. 

I want to move on already. I’m doing a lot better in my life, better than I’ve ever been. 
But every fucking night I’m still grasping at this ember that was once a raging fire, hoping that’s maybe someday I can be with her. Every morning I grasp onto my pillow wishing it was her

I know how pathetic it sounds, and I just want it all to stop. 

I can’t connect with someone I’ve been seeing lately because there’s this mental block of my ex. Our sex is great and we can connect when I’m a little drunk but when I’m sober I just like... I get soft...
Because I think about my ex.

I really like this person and not in some obsessive way like my FP. I want to be able to move on. 

Any tips on these intrusive thoughts and the shame?