I have a love/hate relationship with going out. I feel so excited about it until I'm outside and then I just begin dissociating and get extremely depressed. This happens almost every single time I go out, unless I get drunk or high before it can happen. I'm so sick of switching between all these moods and just feeling so insanely depressed and lonely and suicidal when I snap out of the good and hit the low. It's exhausting. I hate it. It stops me from living a normal life and sometimes I'm so angry because its just so unfair. I didn't ask for any of this and I'd give just about anything to be normal. I don't even want to be happy all the time or anything. I just want to feel okay.