I hate this fucking disorder. It ruins everything. I feel like I can never have a normal relationship with someone because it’s so turbulent. The worst part is; I’m using my coping skills!!! Even when I’m trying my absolute hardest this disorder beats me every time. And I feel stupid, I feel like people think I’m crazy. If only they knew what was happening on the inside. The worst part is that I’m literally about to be a graduate student in psychology and I know what’s happening in my own head but at the same time I don’t know how to stop it. I guess I just need some encouragement because I want people to know what’s going on. But I have a hard time making friends because I can’t start out with “hey, so, I have BPD and will constantly be worrying that you hate me and then cling onto you for dear life” 
Well now that I’ve fucked over my chances of ever having a friendship with this person I met, it’s time to find a new personality. This is what I get for trying to be myself. The truth is, there’s no “real me” it doesn’t exist. Please help because I’m like really feeling it today.