Hey, first of all, sorry for posting on mobile, and I’m using a throwaway account probably more because of posting anxiety than anything. I’ve never posted or even read posts on this subreddit before, so I have no idea about any etiquette there might be in place, I apologize in advance if I happen to violate any rules or norms.

I more and more feel like I’m losing control. I’m having breakdowns twice a day. So much as a friend not talking to me but talking to others can send me into an hourlong rampage where I (try to) guilt-trip and manipulate them into spending time with me and me alone. It’s gone so far that I even sexually harassed someone, not because I was particularly interested in them, but because I felt so incredibly worthless and unlovable that... honestly I don’t even know what I tried to achieve. I should probably also add that that person was a minor (I am 18, she is 15), and obviously I feel absolutely terrible for it, and also terrified that she or her guardians will take legal action because of it - also, this isn’t the first time I didn’t respect someone’s boundaries out of my own selfish desire for approval, and I’m starting to worry that one day I might become a rapist or worse.

Other than that, a lot of things are spiraling out of control. I keep losing, or rather scaring away, people I once was very close to, by being overly demanding and acting extremely erratic. I can barely go two hours without having something upset me to a point of suicidal depression. And of course, everytime a friend abandons me, I get even more demanding and pushy towards my remaining friends, scaring them all away one by one. Even succeeding at something makes me feel insecure and inferior, because others could have done it faster and better - hell, even my mental illnesses make me feel worthless because if others can live with them, why can’t I?

At this point I’ll feeling completely helpless. I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore, my therapists don’t help, the time I spent in psychiatry didn’t help, I’m starting to wonder if I’ll be like this until the day I die. What should and can I possibly do?