When I was a child I was physically and mentally abused by someone in my family which went on for around 15 years.  Now that I am older and moved on with my life I have noticed a pattern in every single relationship I have been in.  I tend to get very paranoid about being hurt and it makes me into a extremely nasty and toxic person. I am with a very lovely girl at the moment and I love her so much but I can’t but think she is constantly trying to deceive me and lie to me about absolutely everything.  Even when she tells me nice things like she loves me etc I think she’s just saying it to deceive me so she can carry on with doing nasty things behind my back. Not one word that comes out of her mouth makes me feel good. I just turn it into something completely negative. My mind is an absolute mess and it feels so chaotic. 

I am so afraid I will hurt her physically one day and I have no idea what to do about it. She is always telling me Everything is going to be okay and that I will get better but I really don’t think I will.