Sometimes I totally black out when I drink. It can be  only after 3 drinks, but mostly after several. 
The problem is that I get self destructive, and it seems to happen mostly when falling asleep around my BF. Apparently I say horrible things that really push on issues he's struggling with - like trust. I can say to him: "I wanna fuck other guys" or "I had sex with that guy in the toilet". These are some absurd shit that I don't remember saying, and I don't understand where they come from!! 

He told my last night that I actually made out with a guy in front of him! I don't understand what's happening or why I would do such things. 

I've tried to ask my therapist, but they haven't figured it out yet. 

I'm so ashamed of myself. I feel like I have this demon inside that I can't control. 

Am I the only one?