Some support maybe?

I was bipolar. Did not know it. In hindsight, it makes complete sense. Married 7 years. In September’20 I was very depressed and moody. My wife and I were not in the best place either. She was super controlling and it was making me insane. Anyway, I go to my primary care instead of a psychiatrist, get put on Prozac because he thought I was depressed. Triggered an insane manic episode and it made me emotionless, hyper sexual and a complete asshole. My wife who I love left me and I was continued in my mania. Super focused on work and driven but grandiose, aggressive, irritable, angry. The issue is she started to tell everyone ... her family and our friends and basically the whole world what medicine I’m on. She started to diagnose me and calling my psychiatrist, therapist and primary care. I know she was desperate but it really hurt me and I kept telling her to stop. She wouldn’t, she kept doing it. Finally I get help after I come out of mania, get put on Lamictal and seroquel. Start to kinda feel better but more importantly now I’m aware. I tell her and she starts to treat me like a mental patient and starts to tell the whole world I’m sick. It breaks my heart and I beg her to stop and to help me. She doesn’t and her family and her turn against me. I try desperately to get her back but she continues to treat me like a mental patient. She made my mental health worse. Anyway our divorce date is mid may and now she’s being viscous for money and I’m haven’t to be nasty to someone I loved and still love. I feel broken. I wish she understood. I wish she would stop trying to humiliate me. Oh well, I feel like my life sucks and I’m just living and working like that’s all I have. We have no kids and I’m almost 40. She couldn’t carry. I don’t have any family all I had was her and her family and they have tuned their back on me. I feel like killing myself because I feel so helpless that my bipolar cost me the love of my life but I have a dog who is 7 and I have to live for him. When he’s gone, I hope I die too. I have no one else. I am trying to date women and I feel nothing for them because I’m in love with my wife.

I carry an immense about of guilt. I feel like I destroyed her life. She was a sweet person and I know she defined her herself through marriage and now I’ve destroyed that and she’s left hurt and damaged.

I sometimes think that I am just a bad person and that I don’t deserve love or happiness