I feel like the universe is fucking me over all the time. Every time I say something like "I've never been worse" it gets even worse. Nothing I do feels right. I eat and feel guilty and shitty about it, I don't and I feel like a waste of space. I go to school and feel as though everything is wrong. I'm doing things wrong. I will never get anything right.

I am so done with this. I am done with life. I am done with me.

I don't even know what to type for this. I just want to sleep and never wake up. It's actually painful to wake up everyday. No one really gives a shit about me. I'm here for them. I haven't killed myself for them. I haven't self harmed for them. But where the fuck are they when I'm here desperately asking for help. A fucking "are you ok?" will do. I don't do much for me anymore, it's all for others but they do nothing back and it makes me feel like I'm losing in life. The empty "I love you" from family only happened when I was stuck in hospital. Where have they been since? FUCKING SILENCE. THAT WAS YEARS AGO. Nothing since. They cancelled my therapy like wtf. I cant afford it and rn we wont for a while so that doesn't really matter anymore. I'm fucking tired. I don't want to do any of this anymore.

I don't want to hear the fucking "it gets better" speech anymore. Like when is it going to get better because right now I am in a downward spiral. The "tough battles make strong people" speech. What am I weak for killing myself while you stand there and do nothing even when you know I am struggling? Fuck off. and the countless other stupid things people say.

I have all these people around me yet no one will help no matter how many times I ask. Im just laughed at for it. literally laughed at.

I dont want this, I want to die.