Ahhh where to start my husband and I have been married for five years (two kids under five) and about 2-3 years ago some family and I noticed he wasn’t doing to well (substance abuse and extreme mood swings:depressive states ). He wouldn’t get out of the bed for days. 

We all worked together to get help. He has been to a therapist for over a year and was originally diagnosed with depression and possibly ADHD. He abused the adhd medication and I had to call the doctor ( stayed up five days / took all medicine two weeks early., stole prescriptions from me) The therapist stopped the adderall. 

Months go by several mental break downs and mania episodes with extreme highs and lows and the therapist states he believes my husband may be bipolar. I see all of the signs. In college he abused Xanax heavily . The doctor stated he could be imbalanced due to drug abuse in the past. Is this something permanent? Does it get better? He is on Effexor and just started lamotrigine a few weeks ago. He also takes trazodone because he won’t sleep if not. 

Some days he does great and we can work together ( our business and children) some days he just seems there but not really there and very depressed. He acts like he hates me and yells at me in front of the children. I will ask him to do something ( business wise , children ,clean , daily life and etc) he just fights me on everything.



Moving on : My daughter is getting to the point where she understands. She is four . She was upset the other day and “stated she wanted to hurt herself. That’s another heartbreak that I can’t even fit into this post. What do I even tell her about her daddy ? She told me that she knew daddy loved her but she wished daddy loved me and wished he was nice to me. I can see that it hurts her. 


Is there hope? It feels like it’s me sometimes.