i feel like a monstrosity. i feel like the most disgusting person on the planet. i wish i could just function normally, and not have do deal with this mental illness looming over me all the time. every time i try to reach out to people i love and call close friends, nobody ever seems to care or want to make sure i’m okay. and then that hurts even more. it’s this painful reminder than i truly am alone. i know everyone has their own lives, and i know it sounds narcissistic to assume people should care to begin with, but it’s hard to remember that when my mental illness has me trapped in my own head all the time. i feel like a liability, there must be something wrong with me. why is it that i’m only visible to people when they’re drunk and want someone to talk to, or when they’re sad and want advice? i’m starting to think i’m probably evil and i just don’t realise myself. i feel so hopeless, i really have held on all the time hoping things would change since the last attempt but i honestly feel worse. i wish i was never born, because now it’s my job to end it.