I've always been the unstable type and never really been very mentally "healthy", but this year has been rough, to say the least.

I'm to most people kind of the "quiet and shy" archetype, although that's far from how I would describe myself "inside", that's just the persona I put on for people that I'm not very comfortable with. Not very often to I actually show my emotions, which caused my therapist to suspect Schizoid Personality Disorder in 2020-2021, but wow, that could have been more wrong, I guess it was just caused by a extensive emotional block caused by quarantine and social isolation. 

2022 has been crazy, I'm just on my room losing my mind and cutting myself everyday, except I just hide that pretty well to other people, I've changed therapist since 2021 and she's been telling my not put a lot of labels on myself, but reading about bpd and also relating so much to a friend that has bpd has got me questioning if I may be developing some form of BPD, especially as I have never been this emotionally unstable.

I guess I could put my childhood as the reason why I'm this way, my father is a very absent, negligent and emotionally (and in a few instances physically) abusive person (suspect he might have BPD or maybe he's just a regular alcoholic), my mother was a sweet person who was plagued by her own issues as well, depression and panic syndrome, unfortunately I was never able to emotionally connect to any of my parents, the opposite with my dad, we would fight fucking constantly, so I kinda of had to rely on myself growing up, which meant lots of bad stuff! but its ok. I do wonder what's actually wrong with me and if my "trauma" is what caused me to be this way today