I have started avoiding mirrors, I don't take selfies any more and when I look at the ones I have taken, I literally cry. I deleted instagram but will still look when I'm alone at all the beautiful smiles and bright shiny eyes and then cry some more. 

I used to be like them. I used to not think I was so bad. 

I wish it were just my body I hated. No, it's my very existence.

No one gets why I'm like this, no one understands the impact their words and actions have had on me. 

In my head, I am a disgusting and unworthy monster. In my head, I am the ugliest creature you could ever dream of and only see in horror movies. 

In reality I'm none of this, I'm aware. But I can't stop this feeling of utter self-hate. I'm crying right now as I type this. I miss that girl who was okay with herself. I miss that girl that wasn't drowning in her own misery. I miss the girl I was before everything fell apart. 