At 11pm I was sad so I put music on and went to sleep… an hour later I wake up and become sad again. It’s now 3am and I haven’t lost the feeling or been able to sleep. Now I’m in a existential fucking crisis when I should be asleep. Not awake feeling these shitty feelings. Sleep is peaceful and has no feeling when I’m not dreaming. Why am I awake. I just want to sleep. Now I’m listening to 60s music on repeat thinking of all the shitty things in my life which is basically everything. On top of the all that I got literally nobody I can talk to about it. No friends, no partner. I’ve never talked feelings with my family and never will as they will either laugh and not take me seriously. Fuck em man. I’m 18 worried about the fact that I might end up dementia in either a few months or years because of some white matter problem in my brain. Every girl I’ve talked to has chosen some dickhead guy that treats them like shit over me. I’m not even a bad looking guy, I’m clean, I dress nice, I treat myself. Life is a joke but gotta see it through cause you don’t know what comes after it ends. I try to think of life before I was born and it’s just blank, why couldn’t it stay that way. I sometimes think if there’s a God then the creation of life is its biggest mistake and it should’ve been ended before the end of the first year. All I wanted was to sleep now I’m here. Again. On top of all that I can’t even cry no matter how much I try. I know crying is a good way to get shit out of your system but nope. My body says fuck you and won’t let me cry about anything. Now my AirPods are dead so imma just be staring at the ceiling with no sounds. Life is great. Sleep would be nice.