Just thought I'd share my story here in case anyone can relate.  


So all my life I've been struggling with feeling absolutely invisible.  


Back in school, I had what you could call a friend circle, but I was simply an obsolete part of it. I didnt get to decide anything nor did anyone ever listen to my opinions and I was often just straight up ignored. And no matter what I did after in life, people just didnt care. Nobody ever showed interest in me and my very existence. 

Throughout most of my life I thought that this was something I could work on. I thought I could make myself more interesting and attract peoples attention by doing things that are considered interesting by society. 

For example I learned music, I started playing drums and piano and got into composing. But nobody was ever interested in forming a band with me/doing music together. 

I started working out, thinking this would make me more attractive. I do have a pretty good physique by now, still women have never shown romantic interest in me. I havent had a girlfriend up to this day.

I started gaming competitivly. I did become pretty good in Pokemon and even topped the showdown ladder. However, people didnt seem to care about that accomplishment and the only reactions I received were people bashing my team for how bad it apparently was. 

I dont have a job. Although I have a university degree Ive only gotten negative responses to applications so far and I rely on my family financially.

I started writing. I wrote a novel and posted it online. However, nobody had bothered reading through it up to this day. I received 1 comment after posting it, being extremly negative, suggesting I should just stop writing.

I do have (what you could call) friends that I meet on a somewhat regular basis. However even these friendships seem very onesided mostly. Im initiating a lot more than they are and Im even often ignored by them.

And even my family doesnt really show interest in me. Ive had a period where I would visit my parents very frequently until (a couple of weeks later) my dad asked me to not visit them so often and told me that he feels a little disturbed by me being there so often.

I wouldnt think of myself as depressed. As you can tell from what I wrote, Im actually a pretty active person. When going for walks at night the world often appears extremely beautiful to me. However, receiving so much rejection is really starting to damage my mental state a lot. Im getting close to my 30s and I had expected myself to be married, with a stable income and with a stable social circle at this point. However, Im not even close to that and Im slowly getting to the point where I believe that its not even something I can influence.

I used to watch these motivational videos on youtube where people suggested that you can achieve anything in life if you only work hard on it. Thats what I did though but it hasnt improved my life at all.

Im at a point where (as stupid as it may sound) Im kind of hoping that aliens would just pick me up and introduce me to a different planet, a different society, a place where I have a purpose.

That purposelessness is probably what hurts me the most. It feels like even if I did disappear all of a sudden, nobody would really be bothered. It feels like my very existence doesnt serve any purpose any isnt of any value to anyone.   


Oh btw, im M, 28 and located in central europe.  


If you read through all of it, I really appreciate it and wish you a wonderful day :)