I had that moment where the scales fell from my eyes and I saw what I think is reality for the first time in terms of a relationship I was in. I saw the true extent of my fault for the first time. I had clarity about my ex’s actions. This relationship hurt me a lot but I see that I caused it to deteriorate. I relapsed for the first time in like six months and I’m not feeling like I can stop anytime soon. I can say I’m using self harm to stave off permanent actions I guess. I’m in a new agony bc I can now fully blame myself. There’s no way to fix things. I’ll never see him again. It’s almost been a year. I’ve thought about it and tried to work it out every day. It took me until now to understand. I hate myself