I needed an outlet so I guess here I am. Most everyone around me is tired of hearing this and the others I don't want to know. 

Anyway, I have this issue with a little thing called bipolar, which more than anything has become me being incredibly depressed. I have a hard time holding down a job and I'm very surprised my relationship has held up. I have done everything I can think to do, including medication, and nothing has helped. 

I have no want to leave this world. I love the people around me too much to hurt them that way but unfortunantly that has caused me to be even more depressed because all I care about are my loved ones not hurting, nothing about me. 

It has gotten to the point I've convinced myself my boyfriend doesn't love me, though I know he does. I just can't understand why anyone does. 

And I can't say anything about my thoughts due to it being a very sore topic for someone very close to me and I can't have them know I feel this way. I can't make them worry about me. 

I just want someone to isten to me for once instead of telling me it's genetics or I'm "too young to be sad". I just want someone to see it. Luckily for them, it'll never be too late physically, but what about emotionally? Mentally? Spiritually?

What then?