I had a friend who also had BPD, she was the only other person I knew who had it so we very quickly became each others FPs. She was in a long term relationship with... to put it lightly.. an abusive, absolute piece of shit loser. Her kid and I moved in together and her on again-off again bf/baby dad would break into our house at 6 am to steal shit or ring the doorbell non stop until one of us came out. It was bad. She would swear she was done with him and come to me crying about him every week and I was there for her every time. 

Last summer we were drinking and he gets blackout drunk, accuses me of sleeping with his gf/my roommate (I’m gay) and choke slams me into the wall/slaps me around and put a cigarette out on my leg later on in the night while passing by me. My “best friend” never left this guy and it caused a lot of problems. I started to dislike her over time. She began to annoy me. I felt a constant underlying resentment towards her just knowing they were still in communication afterwords. It changed my entire view of her, knowing him physically assaulting me wasn’t enough for her to leave. 

She blocked me on everything after a couple months of me being in a bad mood and at times, pretty nasty to her. In a weird way I was proud of her but even more hurt because she proved she was capable of it all along. She reached out a while later, we became best friends again and then out of fucking nowhere she starts sleeping with him again and giving me gross details, even after me expressing how bad it hurt me. This guy does NOTHING but make her cry, verbally/emotionally abuse her and talk shit about his own kid to her on top of draining her financially. 

Am I really worse than that? Am I really just a doormat to who I thought were my closest friends? Why am I so easy to be booted out?

Anyways, I cut her out and it’s been weeks. I get really pissed off and hurt thinking about it every once in a while but I really just feel bad for her. I hope she realizes one day that life isn’t about trying to make people change.