Recently I have been in DBT Therapy, and I think that many of us can agree that DBT is hard to find, and very hard to get into, and can sometimes cost a lot of money. However the main key points I have learnt from therapy, and I would love to pass on because if I would have known the skills that I know now from therapy while waiting for therapy I would have felt that much better. 

DBT is essentially all about learning how to regulate your emotions, and redirect your brain that only knows negative coping mechanisms to learn positive ways to cope, to make your life worth living. 

The problem with this, is when we experience trauma, we are unable to feel most feelings that people can feel. Example: for me, it’s very hard to tell anyone I love them, or feel love.

Since we experienced trauma, we build up a wall around that traumatic wound because ultimately when we experienced the trauma we didn’t know how to deal with it, and most of us are felt as if we aren’t validated and we aren’t allowed to be upset. 

This wall we create is called a “protective self”. Our bodies essentially do anything to protect ourself from being abandoned or hurt. It makes sense right? 

Well, the longer we continue our negative coping mechanisms the more we are feeding into our protective self. 

Examples, what I do is: I ruminate about the past, when I am angry, I want to lash out, I want to get even, I want to be destructive, I want to spend all my money, even if that means I don’t have food on my table. Your negative mechanisms could be different. The longer you continue to do those things, and not realize the harm you are doing, the more you are feeding into that protective self. 

So essentially to break your wall you created, you have to do the opposite of what you’re wanting to do. If I want to go out and spend all my money, do the opposite. Sit there, with that emotion and think about why that isn’t a good idea. That’s very hard right? Whenever we get this uncomfortable feeling we want to act on it to fill the void we are feeling. However every time you are doing this, you’re just running in circle with a your protective self. So acting opposite to your negative coping mechanisms and sitting in that uncomfortable feeling and asking yourself, why am I feeling this way? Don’t judge yourself, don’t beat yourself up, just sit in that uncomfortable feeling. This will make you feel almost worst for the first little bit because you will realize how shitty it feels, to feel uncomfortable however this is the first step to getting back into the person you are, it’ll put you on the same wave length as your body, because right now your mind, and your body aren’t working together. 

This personally has been very hard for me, but I’m so hopeful, and I waited 2+ for therapy and I wish I knew what I know now. Sitting in this uncomfortable feeling can be so hard, but I promise you, if you do this for a few weeks to a month you start to retrain your body to have good coping mechanisms &amp; it’ll come easy to you because right now you only know negative ways to cope, because those were the only ways that it worked while you experienced your traumatic experience.