I have this intrusive god like prescience that’s been like egging me on in self harming and it wants me to kill my self. It’s not a voice but it feels like when I was a kid and had OCD related to organized religion. It went away when I was on Latuda but I hat to stop taking it because I lost insurance then got a new provider who it turns out
wont really cover the medication so
It’s $1200 a month and I’m already broke from medical bills from when I was hospitalized. 

IT is back now and I’m so scared all the time. My psychiatric provider can’t see me for like 3 weeks and I feel like I’m loosing it and no professional will/can help. I negotiated with IT that I would take poison after Thanksgiving but I don’t know if I can even hold out that long. 

I need to do something bad to myself to get this panic to go away but I can’t afford any more ER bills. 

I don’t know what the point of this post was, it seems hopeless.