I’ve survived 20 full blown manic episodes, each of which has landed me in the hospital. I work full time, have always worked full time, except for the time spent in the hospital. I have never gotten any kind of assistance from social security etc.  My last mania was in December last year. After the hospitalization—which lasted a month, I did a partial program for two weeks and was back to work three days after that ended.  My work is nothing fancy…glorified administrative assistant…but it provides me with the health insurance I desperately need, as well as a way to structure my day.
I try not to get upset when I read that some people stop working completely or are completely dependent after 1 or 2 episodes. I promise I am not on some high horse about working or trying to be a martyr or anything, I am genuinely curious as to what peoples reasons/justifications (justifications sounds negative but I honestly don’t mean it that way) are. Appealing to the government for help feels like giving up. I know that’s not truly the case, in my heart I know that…but I can’t help but feel a bit conflicted about the whole thing.  To clarify, for ME it would feel like giving up.  

Truthfully, I’m asking this because I can feel myself burning out badly (I’m 36 and was diagnosed at 19). But in my mind (which, lol, can definitely play tricks on me) I can’t wrap my head around essentially what I view as sacrificing my independence.  I also wonder what possible justification I myself could have for choosing the disability path or attempting to when I am essentially stable except for the actual episodes?

What is it like for people, and what have been your experiences with this? Also, I would love to really be able to fully understand some of the reasons people can’t work when not in the throes of an episode?