I’m not sure if it’s a BPD thing or just me, but when all of my relationships end I feel this need to blow up the breakup. I just end up splitting and fighting with them until they get angry and “prove” that they’re as mean or as bad as my BPD is telling me they are, then and only then am I able to move on.

I can never have a mutual breakup or a mature breakup. 
And then after we block each other on everything because of the arguments I cause, for weeks I go through all the negatives about them and the relationship until I can’t remember anything good about them or the relationship. I just have to hate them to move on. I know it’s not healthy and that it’s possible to move on without despising the person I once loved or who was once my FP, but I feel incapable of doing it. 

Is it just me?