For some reason I was too tired to even help my mom pick out some stuff she was shopping for. I just wanted to lie down. I bought bbq pork bahn mi and Vietnamese soy milk which I will be eating for dinner. I’m so embarrassed, the guy I like from years ago showed up at the post office and I had to sneak out. I still like him but I’m in my 30s now and he is younger than me and I just don’t know if it’s time to move on… But there are other things I’m dealing with like my schizophrenia. I don’t want to mess up and I need to turn to somewhere for moral guidance but my BFF rarely talks to me since moving to Las Vegas. I’m a bit chubby and I really wish there were a way to reduce the delusions. For some reason I was jittery all day like I had too much coffee but I only had some coffee jello. It’s really taxing me and I really want to recover and go out more and do some cleaning, jogging, etc. I have a feeling elections will go well this year. I have delusions that people with schizophrenia experience something supernatural in a bad way. Like if they hallucinate something, it actually happens. I personally did not experience this. I’d say I am mostly able to manage my schizophrenia and spend more time being sane than psychotic. But I believe that even though it is bad for my mentally ill girl friends, it is even worse for guys with schizophrenia. Idk how I can help but I have friended many people from support group on Facebook and they often give a realistic look at what it’s like. I feel stupid and really need to be more help than I’m getting…