I'm so scared of dating for so many reasons. I'm a textbook borderline because I get so attached so quickly and I'm always scared of being abandoned. Every time I get even remotely close to being in a relationship, I'm already thinking about how I'll definitely cheat on them.

It's definitely because I have low self esteem and need attention and validation from as many sources as I can get. I can't imagine someone being with me and not cheating or lying or betraying me somehow so I want to cheat because I feel like it would give me the upper hand or make me care about them less. I'm constantly feeling jealous and inferior so the concept of cheating makes me feel powerful. 

I know this isn't anything to be proud of and it makes me very scared to get into a relationship. I hope to tackle this in therapy someday.