 Note: Sorry if there are grammatical errors or incomprehensibility.

Part 1:

If Super Mario has 3 lifespans, I have infinite lifespans. Each Anxiety crisis I die and resurrect and Even if I overcome, I always dead tired after the crisis. 

I feel that I fight within myself in a way similar to the wars between countries or the civil war of the country, or I am like the debris that occurred after the earthquake. Civil war is a more accurate analogy, as it is a crisis I live in myself.

Everything is happening inside and in my head. During the crisis, I have great fear and delusions in my head due to the effect of my subconscious.

My brain is trying to shut itself down and creates a wall around itself. In addition to these, a wall is forming around my brain. The thought of not being able to overcome forces me to stay in the wall and it feels like I cannot get out. The wall suffocates me. It feels like I'm trapped inside the wall. With the state of uncertainty, it feels like electric currents are forming in my brain and these will short-circuit and turn off the switch. This electric current prevents me from thinking.

During the day, when my mood is on its way, suddenly everything turns upside down, chaos ensues. I cannot get involved in the conversation around me. During the crisis and after, There is no talkative me.

Part 2

During university, out of the blue, I often was furious and I felt angry. I couldn't understand it cause there was no reason. Okay, sometimes there was/were the reason(s). If then, It was okay because I knew reason(s). I always was an average student. I didn't have any ambition. Neither success nor failure student. If I were an ambitious person, I would understand angry and fury. If there was nothing, why did I feel angry? 

In 2012, I graduated from university with my GPA of 2.20 out of 4. I was unemployed until December 2013. Early in 2013, My brother offered a job in the family company. Actually, The offered job was "come and help". I refused after three workdays. From the beginning, I didn't want it. I knew I couldn't improve myself in the family company. I don't have any problems with him. My brother and my uncle are smart, responsible and example people. I love them. however, working family business is not fit in me.

Anyway, In November 2013, I got a job interview with the company which I've been working for since December 2013. The interviewer ask what did I want. I replied, "I wasn't a tendency to economy, finance and money things, so I opted political science and public administration, I didn't choose the department of economics, that's why HR would be a good option for me if you considered it appropriate."

Once orientation training started, I assumed I was HR personnel but when it was over and my first workday, I was told I began to work in the Finance department. I knew myself, I still know myself. There is no tend to the economy for me. Starting work in the finance department was a shock to me. That time, I hadn't had a vision. I did mistakes every week, every day. I couldn't fix it. I lost my feelings and self-trust, I was always worried about my future. According to me, I was a failure in the finance department.

I felt myself a ticking time bomb in May 2014. I couldn't overcome it myself. I needed to get help, so It was the right time I decided to see a therapist which I kept a secret from my family. From June, I went therapist regularly.  After a while, she advised going to a psychiatrist. I did. I guess, In autumn 2014 I was diagnosed with anxiety by the psychiatrist and he explained. I understood angry and furious which I felt out of blue in university.

I've been using antidepressant since 2019 summer and My Anxiety has been undulating, however, today, I can control it I'm better compared to the past. I was an utmost shy asocial person. Let me give example;

In high school, There was math exam in which we had to solve 10 out of 20 questions. I looked at the paper, I told myself, Okay My score would be 90 out of 100, Self-confidence was high and I knew myself. Before I hand over the paper to the teacher, I noticed some mistakes in a question but I couldn't erase my mistake answer because of a broken hand and I couldn't ask a favor for erasing it. Okay, 80 out of 100 was fine, I gave the paper. Yes, The Teacher gave me 80 for my paper.

In high school, I couldn't fittingly chat with ladies. Actually, ladies' students were a minority group. The ratio was 8 boys to 1.7 girls. Anyway, I was shy.  University wasn't superb, but a turning point. It was a turning point in my life. Because I noticed my shyness which I had to overcome in prep school and I've overcome it within a decade. Maybe, It is a long time but I did.

I graduated in 2012. I began to work in December 2013. I've been improving myself for I noticed my shyness. I can talk ladies, I have lobby such as Lego, Wikipedia, and recently animation. Between 2019 October and 2020 February, I went gym, four days a week. Almost every weekend, I went to see a movie or theatre, sometimes friends or cousins, sometimes all alone.

Most importantly, I've traveled alone abroad since 2017. I joined the tour company on my First second trip. On the third travel, I was completely alone, with no friends or anyone. I was free, I am still free. Every year, I did travel abroad two times. (except 2020, just one travel)

Today, I'm happy,  Everything is fine. I try to simple.

Part 3;

Life goes on. All the best. All the hope.