I was just standing in line to get my dinner on campus, and it took everything I had to not break down in tears, but now that I'm back in my room, I feel absolutely nothing.


I'm so alone, I don' even know if the people I would call my friends would call me their friend. I spend literally every moment I outside of class by myself because I don't have anyone to hang out with. Everyone that I do want to hang out , has a better friend group that I feel alienated in. 


I used  LOVE playing video games, but now I don't feel anything. I bought maybe 4 games in 1 month recently, beat them and never touched them again. I used to replay games all the time, but now I don't feel the joy in it.


The most painful thing I experience now though is in my love life, or lack thereof. Every girl that I am interested in, seems to try and avoid me after I tell them, or give them some sign that I like them. My biggest fear atm is becoming an incel, and I would rather go back to my shitty therapist than become one.

I can't even bring myself to suicide because even the thought of my mother crying breaks me down.


I'm so tired of feeling nothing but sadness and anger, mostly directed at myself