CW: Minor s\*xual misconduct

I am incredibly scared of someone from my past, and terrified of running into them. I have the full support of family and friends after what they did (plenty of weird statements, unconsensual touch etc.) and they made a big show out of making me a villain, calling me plenty of things. I never explicitly consented to their acts but never said no either, and for that I feel guilty - like I might have just led them on or brought something on myself.

Fast forward to now and it's been months since we blocked each other on plenty of platforms, and I haven't had to talk to them. However, I'm absolutely terrified of running into them or seeing them. Whenever I see their name mentioned I get chills and feel incredibly scared, and my mind begins to overthink about the future. We have similar career aims and I think there's a non-zero chance they'll get the same highs that I'm aiming for in my career, so I may have to see them.

My mum raised a really good point in that I really don't have anything to actually be scared of - so many people have taken my side on this and if I ever saw them, they'd probably want to ignore me. My friend also said the sad reality of this is that I think about them a lot and feel scared, watched and paranoid about their presence as a person who hates me, but they probably don't even think about me anymore. The victim can't let go but the perpetrator just acts like nothing happened.

Does anyone else feel the same, like they are just tied to an incident and hate someone so horrifically but somehow feel guilty as a victim, in that they might have really done something wrong - and that causes immense anxiety? How do you move on and keep going, because I keep trying to and I make it look fine on the surface but on the inside, when reminded, I totally lose control. I'd really appreciate having some advice from people who have suffered similarly from someone blaming you, stating they hate you, and fully controlling your relationship and snipping it at the end - and knowing how to move forward. I'm healing from the incidents but I don't know how to heal from the thought of *them.*