I tried having hope about my life and future. But every time I thought I was doing good but it turned out to just be a lie. My last heartbreak has destroyed me completely. I was the happiest I had ever been with them and when reality hit I realized it was all in my head.My depression has just gotten much worse the last 2 years even though I was trying more than ever to live life. But none of my close friends care or try to hang out with me anymore. I don’t even have any close friends anymore. No one has ever wanted to be committed to me. They just use me for sex and dump me when they get bored. That’s all I’m useful for. They only pretended to be my friend because they didn’t want the people they actually cared about to get mad at them. Now that they don’t have to worry about that anymore they completely gave up on even talking to me. I regret not killing myself years ago. If I did I wouldn’t have had to meet these people and gone through more torture. I almost killed myself a few weeks ago after being in mental anguish crying and having mental breakdowns most of the day everyday for a month but my new medication kicked in and I threw away the supplies.   The medication just temporarily made my emotions go away and now they’re slowly coming back and I’m crying everyday again. I have no one to talk to except my therapist because the more I talk the less people want to be around me. My best friend doesn’t want to be around me anymore unless I can tell her that I am trying to be happy. I have nothing to be happy about. The only things that make me happy are toxic and unachievable. I just have to exist in this miserable life until my parents die and then I can kill myself. I wish I had never been born. I hate it here.