My family is so loving, but I still end up feeling lonely and feel like nobody really understands me. I go through many emotions in a day but fail to express it. I feel empty and numb. When it comes to friends I am so expressive but at home I struggle to show my emotions. Am I being fake with friends or am I fake with my family? I don’t understand. I bottle up things and then just burst out. Recently I’ve just been reading and sleeping. I feel so useless and out of place. I feel like I don’t belong on earth and I’m suppose to be elsewhere. I have no connect with anything or anybody. Just feel like I float past the days. And then at the same time I feel like self harming for no reason. I spend days doing nothing. I don’t remember what I’ve been doing for the past year. Everything is such a blur. I feel like I’m just existing and this is how it’s going to be for the rest of my life. I don’t think I can do anything in life. I’m just so done. With what I don’t even know. It’s so hard for me to even write this because I keep forgetting what I’m suppose to type. Does anybody feel this way? When I was diagnosed with BPD I was a different person. Now I feel different. Am I just going through a phase? What is this? I still get anxious out of the blue. But that’s about it.