I had manic episodes and showed up to my exes house twice begging for forgiveness a few months apart. Now he hates me and wants a restraining order I’m fucked my life is over. What I did was wrong I don’t deserve to have a happy life or to be loved by anyone including family. 

I wanted to love him but he starting banning me from certain friends cause I met them on tinder but had no sexual interest and one of my best friends since they got into it. Idk what to do if I end up in a mental hospital forever or in prison it’s ok I deserve it. I had a good life and threw it away cause I was scared of him controlling me. I want to end it all right now and I’m at work.