I am a first year university student, just got into a new relationship about 3 or 4 months ago. As you can imagine, first year of university involves a lot of activities based around drinking. The thing is, my ability to handle alcohol has somehow gotten significantly worse over these months. At the start of uni I could drink and be happy and merry with my friends but now it’s gotten to the point where alcohol affects my emotions and heightens them significantly, rage, anxiety, sadness etc.
Since being with my boyfriend this has led me to start arguments under the influence about issues I would suppress while sober. I physically push him away and tell him he’s done me wrong for things that are not even concerns to sober me. I have heightened panic attacks and cry and go into hysteria almost every time I am drunk. The problem is, I feel like once I’ve had a drink I don’t know when to stop. My boyfriend always calms me down and forgives me for causing a massive scene but the guilt I feel is so immense. Most of the activities in my friend group involve peer pressured drinking, clubbing etc and I fear if I don’t join them I will be alienated from the group. I understand this is entirely my fault but I feel I am no longer in control when it comes to alcohol consumption.
The thing is I don’t think this counts as alcoholism since I am not actually reliant on alcohol and I only ever drink maybe twice a week, in the evening, only ever in a social setting and I do not use it to deal with emotions/ trauma etc.
Any advice?