I do this all the time but today specifically I have done it again.

I started a new job which is remote and online. I have health issues and this is whatever hours I want so helpful (although very dull already).

The training was practically non existent save for a few notes in an online file to read through and a quick group screen share for a particularly difficult project. Other than that it's a barrage of questions on the group chat which gets really awkward.

So I private messaged one of my 2 'bosses' and asked if they'd thought about making some screen recorded videos for new trainees to be able to watch and refer to at any point along with related troubleshooting videos for each project.

He said he thought it was a good idea and that I'd 'read his mind'. For some reason my usually self conscious, downbeat self had an uplifting boost and I thought 'wow I've actually had a good idea that someone likes! Maybe I can do some good here'.

So I replied with some horribly long winded further response suggesting how he could start by recording one of the group sessions and that those that have already 'trained' could compile our issues and thoughts and ask them in a live recording to be answered. These could then be edited and split up and titled with headlines for people to click on if they have a problem.

10 minutes later I have another idea and start asking if they've ever considered implementing 'this and that' into the system etc.

Then I look back at this huge lost of, verbose, long-winded load of drivel I have written to this guy and realise that I've turned a simple, decent idea that probably looked good to suggest, into an irritating, time consuming, idiotic mess that he certainly doesn't have time to read or take seriously. I watched it spiral into a nonsensical load of nonsense that even I cringed at and thought 'what am I going on about'?

I got no response for 5 hours and felt stupid and awful. Eventually he replied with something like, 'i can't do that but wanting to make videos'.

I felt so stupid.

I then had a shift payment question that really wasn't important but because I felt anxious felt like I should bring up with him to make the conversation 'normal again'. I wrote another long winded query that could have been summed up in a line. He replied 'hmm it shouldn't be like that. That's 'such and such's' department though. Hopefully she's on it's. 

To which I decided to elaborate further and essentially repeat myself. I felt myself going into anxiety attack and it made me write more....

He never replied.... And I've spent the whole afternoon/evening rereading the idiotic conversation over and over regretting it more and more and realising how annoying and stupid I come across. I also regret turning what could have been a good opportunity to impress into the complete opposite. 

I'm now also really annoyed I'm wasting what needed to be a relaxing day for me and I'm being eaten alive by anxiety and regret and I'm curled up in bed not wanting to talk to anyone but too wired to sleep and too upset to keep myself occupied.

I'm ALWAYS saying to myself just don't say anything to anyone any more. I can't trust myself and I always end up feeling like this.

Does anyone get bursts of enthusiasm that lead them to making stupid comments and conversations that they later regret?