I got drunk for the first time at a family gathering 8 years ago and ended up both coming out as gay and admitting I was severely depressed and had purchased a rope with the intent to kill myself soon. The main reason I felt this way was because of my parents, which I told them. Their response was to put me back in therapy, which was just as useless as the first time, and to keep a close watch on me to make sure I didn't die. 

Fast forward 3 therapists, 2 psychiatrists, and multiple diagnoses and medications later, I am now emotionally numb, completely lack a sex drive, and more depressed than ever. I've wanted to kill myself for the past 8 years, and the only thing holding me back has been that it'll make my parents sad. We've had a great relationship ever since I moved out 6 years ago, and after everything they've done for me, I absolutely owe it to them to stay alive. It's like the only thing they ask of me.

But I'm sick of this shit! I've given it 8 years and it fucking hasn't gotten better! I'm tired of hearing "oh it'll get better just hang in there" bitch when !! Show me on the calendar!! Because I don't know how much longer I can put my parents feelings first. Every day I regret getting drunk. I wouldn't have missed a thing. 

And they be like "oh we'd be devastated" like damn, guess I'll continue being miserable until you die then...? Like wtf, why does that matter more than how I, the one who wants to die, feel? Maybe get a hobby and distract yourself??? Like just move on and be happy?? You have a roof over your head and food and water...