Truthfully I don't even know why I'm posting this to reddit I guess at this point I'm just lonely and I can't admit it out loud yet. I'm just extremely depressed and I can't remember the last I wasn't extremely depressed even on my good days. I'm really tired of everything and I'm trying to stay positive but every bad thing that keeps happening is making it harder and harder to get up in the morning. 

I just want to remember what lightness felt like a time before my feet felt like they're always sticking to the ground I want to feel free again but I can't remember what that feels like because for the past 10 years all I've felt is heaviness and anxiousness I feel so defeated.