I (F 19) was raped on Sunday and the person who I loved most in life, who I thought was my best friend, who was the first best friend I had in years, who was the person who made me believe that maybe the world could be a good place even after having been sexually abused throughout my teenage years and who I was in love with betrayed me. I found this out within 36 hours of being raped. I feel empty and violated and angry and hurt and utterly hopeless. I feel utterly directionless at this point. It is so difficult for me to find people I connect with and at this point all I can do is lay in bed and shake and cry and hyperventilate. I haven't attended my university classes since Monday, before I processed all of this. I feel like my life is falling apart and I don't know what's real anymore. I have tried everything to meet new people and I am just... so tired.