And I need some help coming down. Everything is snowballing and I can't get my mind controlled. Everything is negative. I just keep yelling at myself for not getting the help I need. I keep yelling at myself for not having motivation for a routine. My boyfriend is telling me to get one too. I don't need nor want him telling me how to do this. I don't have motivation. I'm unemployed and having a hard time getting myself back up on two feet and I can't control this negative episode. I feel ridiculously alone this time. I wanna go to the ocean but I know better then to drive. Everything spirals out of control. I need help. 