I never had great dreams or aspirations. Other people had dream jobs, goals, hobbies, passions, drive to do things. I didn’t. All I wanted was to feel a real romantic connection with someone. The few times I felt it, I hung on. I ignored big obvious red flags because I thought: “it’s never going to be perfect! Don’t wait for perfect! Seize the day!” Now, I realize I should have respected the red flags. An active alcoholic can’t be my soulmate. A man who’s blood family will always come first can’t be my life-changing connection. A woman who’s irresponsible in every single life decision can’t be a partner. 

I just want someone to want to be with me as much as I want to be with them. 

That causes me to cling and over share, and also release friendships that clearly aren’t deep and meaningful. 

It’s never going to happen. What I want is unrealistic. It’s only in books.