Hi everyone,

Hope you're well.

I think I've gone through a bit of a mental breakdown in the last month. Long story short, I was at work and I had the strongest anxiety attack I've ever had and have been off work for a month. I've been to the doctors and had every single avenue looked at. Blood tests, physical tests, whatever else all came back clear. 

I'm on citalopram but my doctor has recommended I go on an SNRI, specifically Venlafaxine. I've decided not to take it as I'm aware of the potential side effects and also the awful withdrawal effects. I have a bit of a phobia towards some medications. I could possibly take it and it may "fix" me but it is genuinely a last resort for me. 

I'm engaging in therapy and I'm a few sessions in, it does seem to be doing good and I don't feel so pent up and tense.
I am however, like most people, severely focused on the overwhelming physical symptoms of anxiety. I have tried to describe the feelings and sensations to people that also have anxiety but none of them seem to experience it the way I do. 

First and foremost, I am exhausted. I mean I'm so exhausted I have no energy to even play a computer game. I have no interest or desire to engage with anything at all. The exhaustion is to the point whereby a simple conversation with someone leaves me feeling so drained that I just want to collapse and go to bed. 

The weird feeling in my brain is the next feeling. It's sort of like a floaty, brain fog with occasional tiny millisecond pin pricks of pain, sort of like a tension. It's as if the top of my head weighs me down and it feels heavy and floaty at the same time. 

Then, the dizziness/weakness. Like I don't feel as if the room is spinning or I'm going to immediately fall over. The only other way I can describe it, is as if you're severely dehydrated or you've been awake for days. 

The other thing I can't get my head around, is that I suffer anxiety as exhaustion. When I get anxious, I just feel as if I could fall asleep right away, my eyes look heavy, I look drained and my face is completely pale, people have even noticed it which freaks me out. I don't get a racing heart, I don't sweat, I don't get shortness of breath, no nausea. 

Can anyone relate? I just feel so alone with these symptoms and it's frustrating me because it's just making me think more and more that this is a physical issue when doctors time and time again have assured me its not.