It doesn't matter how much therapy I do or how much I learn. I'm a 30 year old man and I have nothing to live for. My ex left because it got abusive. That was years ago. It doesn't matter how bad I feel it happened. 

I'll never love anyone like I loved her. Life is pointless without a relationship, and at my age a decent relationship isn't something that happens. Decent relationships are formed young. Any relationship i had now would end in me being cheated on or she would leave or it would just be two desperate people coping. If it were even possible to find someone I care about. It isn't possible. 

There really is no reason to live without her. Hobbies are bullshit. Work is bullshit. Everything is bullshit.