i love my boyfriend more than anything in this world but today i realized that i sometimes. not alot but sometimes see people and think they for example look good and then go on and think "maybe you want them more than him because you think they look good or act cool" and i'm like??!??? i never think about anyone sexually or romantically. my mind just is like. "imagine dating them instead" which i  fucking hate??; SO MUCH??? 

and my boyfriend thinks i'm hiding "the truth" away from him (he thinks i want others) but i told him everything and i feel like such a demon????? why does my mind make up these thoughts when i literally only want and care for my boyfriend. i don't want anyone else ever. only him. is this like. normal. oh my god sorry idek if this fits here i literally wanna die so badly i never would do anything like that to my boyfriend. 

he was cheated on before and i have hidden away things from him before but i stopped completely. i'm telling the full truth but my mind makes me wanna believe i want others truly but i never did and never wanted anyone... other than him