When I recall certain moments in my life, I've sollicited my best effort to figuring out myself. It's about, where it all went wrong but WHEN DID THE GOOD TIMES happened  I recall myself always wanting to be the loneliest person ever, but WHY. Why didn't I grasp the opportunities to make friends and enjoy some quality times with them. Did I ever have know what is it to be sharing a depth of intimacy with another soul? You already know the answer. I tried to reassure myself not a long time ago, that this was probably my nature. Being a LONER.  This said, it's just a preference that I have at heart and not a FEAR. But a lot of events in my life didn't add up, when I was FORCED to go to a place packed with full of persons. I loved it most.  I loved the unexpected.  It makes me feel as if I have to let go of overthinking and being in my cage that I've poorly designed. It wasn't planned that I was going to love being in contact with the ''UNKNOWN''. But then, when I'm confronted with the decision to go BACK or not, it's up to me. I just forbid myself. It is a FEAR, but my question is ''Where does it come from?" I don't want to seem like a hypocrite, I do appreciate those moments, I do breath and let down my walls easily but only when it's under CONTRAINT and for a short period of time. I want to get to know you for instance but it never happened for me to seek a bond.