I'm never happy, I'm never sad, I'm never scared, nothing. And I've been this way for awhile. I've just completely lost the capability to feel any emotion. I don't really know why, I think overtime maybe I've just became more used to it, which probably only made it worse. I think it could also be the lack of affection I got when I was younger. I really never had a mother considering the last time I saw her was when I was 5. And you don't remember much at that age so I never really remembered any affection given, I don't remember ever being told I love you, or given hugs, nothing. Not like that stuff really ever mattered to me anyways, but i guess it did affect me in the long run. I try to cope with the way I feel, I know I said I don't  feel much emotion but when I do I guess it's just confusion. And often that confusion is just a bunch of feelings mixed together so I try to distract myself and end up feeling empty. The way I cope now isn't exactly the best way but it's better than when I used to cut. Lately though, the urge to hurt myself has been pretty strong and the only thing that's stopping me is the way I feel when I finish doing it. Whenever I would cut, after I would feel extremely guilty. And I don't like to feel guilty, infact I don't like to feel anything and that's why I don't hurt myself anymore because I just don't want to deal with all the emotion as the aftermath.