I am absolutely devastated by the mess I’ve made for myself. I currently live with my childhood bestfriend and his girlfriend with my two bunnies. The longer I live here, the more I feel like the animosity from me living there grows and I know it’s not in my head because another friend of mine noticed it when he came over last. Well over the weekend they told me that the bunnies needed to go outside as they are currently taking up too much space and my roommates are sick of it. I’m ashamed because this caused me to have a two day destructive breakdown that I didn’t even realize I was having until my saint of a boyfriend knocked me out of it. This is because i live in the Midwest and it is now too late to get them acclimated outside and I was scared to tell them no and cause my friend to kick me out and unfriend me. I had this whole dumb plan that I was going to apply to the few apartments in my budget/area to move out asap and if I was denied, I would reach out to rescues and move in with my boyfriend (which he has been wanting for awhile.) Well on the phone call where my boyfriend helped stop my meltdown, for the first 30 minutes he expressed that he was upset because he felt like a back up plan when he’s been wanting me to move in for awhile. I finally told him that I’m scared to move in with him because I would essentially have to uproot my life to move an hour west and last time I did that in a relationship, it turned very toxic fast. I planted the seeds of doubt, because then he said to just worry about getting an apartment because I can’t move in anymore. For the rest of the call, he helped me out of the meltdown I didn’t realize I was having and told me to just talk to my friends. I did, and immediately felt ashamed for the way I acted because the conversation went as good as I could have hoped. Then the realization set in. I have been so depressed with my current living situation because I do want to move in with him, but I couldn’t do so until I felt like I tried my hardest to keep my babies with me. Now I’m in a position where by some miracle I get my own place within my limited budget that takes bunnies and set myself back in life (I want to move out west) or I find a home for my babies and continue to stay in a living situation that depresses me because I hurt my boyfriends feelings and now he is also worried about some of the stuff I brought up that I was scared about. Realistically, I’m not in a place anymore where I can properly take care of my babies and all I want to do is move in with him. But when I tried to do damage control last night and tell this to my boyfriend, he said he would have to think about it because now he is worried about the stuff I brought up. I know I fucked up, and he has every right to be upset, but now I am even more depressed than ever while I wait for his decision. This is the first meltdown I’ve had that was this bad in bout a year and now I’m worried I’ve ruined everything like I always do.

TLDR: I unknowingly had the first bad meltdown in a long time over not being able to keep my rabbits. During which, I hurt my boyfriend’s feelings, planted seeds of doubt about us moving in together, and now he needs time to think about us moving in together, which has made me more depressed than I already am. I ruin everything I touch.