I know what scares people off.

I don't talk to my friends about my issues because I know they won't enjoy listening to me whine about my life and tell them that I want to kill myself every day.

I don't get clingy with my friends because I know it will drive them away. 

I don't cry and throw tantrums (okay maybe I have a couple of times) with them because I know it'll freak them out.

My friends don't know how messed up I am; how much I suffer from the smallest things they might do that would not bother a "normal" person; how much I crave love and attention and being cared for; how much sometimes I just want to scream and burst into tears...

My friends like me because I'm not myself when I'm with them. My horrible, selfish, pitiful, pathetic self.

They're the only thing I have that makes me forget about (some) of my issues while I'm with them. 
But I still feel empty, empty, empty. I feel like I have an unfillable hole. No one's ever going to give me all attention and love that I crave and need 24/7. And it's exhausting to maintain this other persona that I pretend to be... But nobody's ever going to like the horror that I keep hidden.