Dear world,

I am so unbelievably lonely and broken. It’s like when you go to start the car on a cold day, it takes forever but eventually boots up. It’s like being in a crowded room trying to talk to someone but they cannot or do not want to hear you.

It’s a deep ache, in fact my soul aches. I ache to be understood. I ache to be loved. Damnit, I ache to be liked by people. My family. My friends. The people I grew up with in high school. Why do people have to be so callous sometimes? The worse part out of any of this is I miss my old self.

I miss the way I was before my mental illnesses took the better part of me. I miss being happy. I miss being a beacon of light in someone’s day, night or world. These illnesses frustrate me to no end, and the worse part, they frustrate those who love me.

The people who love me or the professionals who care for me do not understand the emotional dysregulation, they do not understand the rollercoaster of it all, to be happy only to have it all taken from you two minutes later.

I am the face of someone who struggles with Borderline Personality Disorder. I am not ‘crazy’ like you may be getting spoon fed by the media. I am misunderstood. I feel emotions so deeply they sometimes rip me open and swallow me whole. Would you like this to happen to you? I bet you said no. So, be gentle on those who experience severe emotional dysregulation.

All in all, I am the face of 1 in 4 Canadians who struggle with mental illness. Check on your friends and family and support them. Do not let them slip away. If you are experiencing mental illness, be gentle with yourself and seek help.

Love, 

A mentally ill Canadian