i been in contact with my ex for about a month now but we been " friends" for 2 years but we messed around on again and off again during it. but ever since we started to talk again and well kinda start a sexual relationship to. ever since we had phone sex 2 times  its been starting to get in my head. i have all these anxious thoughts about what i am doing wrong, how can i be better. she knows i have anxiety and its caused us problems in our past before. but i am getting help ever since i was diagnosed with social anxiety and OCD about a year and a half ago.  

she told me that it meant something to her and that she does not do this with just anybody. so that made me feel a little better. but i always have had very strong feelings for this person ever since we dated. she was the first and so far only girl i have actually been in love with so far in my life. we are both 23 years old and she is a nurse so she is busy at nights but only works 3 days a week.  that is the background of well the whole situation. 

what i need help with is that i have all these anxieties building up in me and i wanted to talk to my therapist about it. but he canceled because he was sick. so that made me feel even worse.  like i actually had my first anxiety attack this week and it made me feel horrible. it's just everything with school, my friends and her my ex. i know i am a better person then i was in the past and she obviously sees that too. because she has been doing this with me for the last 2 weeks. i mean she even got jealous when she asked me about who i been with since we broken up. its been a long distance relationship. i know people say they don't work but i mean we still talk to each other a lot over the past 2 years.  so i mean that has to mean something right? 

i am just really nervous and extremely anxoius to talk to her about how i am feeling because she dose not like to talk about feelings. and i don't want to push her away either because of my anxiety. i just feel like there is something wrong with me, like i am doing something wrong and like when i think about what i want to ask her and tell her i begin to cry out of either anxiety or frustration with myself. because i fee like if i was just a little better things would be different. like i want to aks her about this relationship we have, the anxieties that i feel due to it, but i don't want to make it seem like its her fault or use this as an excuse because i hate using this as an excuse.  

its just this relationship means a lot to me and i really can see a future with her its just i am scared to go about it and talk to her about everything. it just makes me so anxious. like a sense of fear and dread almost when i think about how to talk to her about it. i just really wish i was normal and i could go about doing this without it getting to me like this.