I’ve literally tried to rewrite this so many times already so if I begin to ramble or not make sense I apologise. 

I am really struggling to cope and I just don’t know what I can do. 
I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and clinical depression a few years ago after a traumatic break up with an ex where I was harassed / bullied online by himself and his friends, rumours made about me to destroy my reputation so I would go out or leave my house, withheld calls at 3am for weeks / shouted at in public to the point where I was scared to leave my home and would have a complete meltdown to the point where I became suicidal.
They were never physically abusive but emotionally it completely and utterly broke me. 

This is 3 years on and I’m still really suffering from the trauma of it all. 
When I’m not busy and keeping myself mentally busy I can feel myself begin to slip into a really dark place where I have flashbacks and my mind will just replay very painful memories over and over and it takes me right back to that memory like physically my heart starts to beat irrationally, I feel like I can’t breathe and I start to panic and shake - this has even brought on a panic attack and il feel anxious all day where it effects how I interact with people or I don’t interact at all and would rather be by myself or go to bed and not get back up.

Not only this, but when it does get really dark I begin to contemplate just not being here anymore and no matter what I do, that thought is always in the back of my mind and as soon as I feel sad or low it starts and it usually happens in waves and it feels as if all the colour in the room will begin to dull to the point where I can’t think straight and I get so emotional that I literally just sob for hours and feel like not being here is the only solution - this will usually only stop once I’m completely emotional drained / mentally exhausted and il start to notice the colour in room coming back again and i literally sleep for 10+ hours straight and I’m like a zombie for the next day or so 

I have a younger sibling and we are so close and she’s like my rock she’s so amazing but I am so scared that one day I won’t be able to get out of that dark place and she means everything to me :( 

I would really appreciate advice if anyone has experienced something similar or even just advice on anxiety/depression in general - I do have okay days and even good days but when it’s bad it’s really bad