Hey guys, fairly new to this but since i don’t really have anyone to talk to i decided to rant on here if anyone has any advice or tips. I’m 20 and a junior in college. I have had anxiety since I was 5, and it’s effected my life up until now , and i’ve been on and off of SSRI’s since i was about 12. Since starting at college , i’ve been very happy-go-lucky. No depression, and little anxiety, the happiest i had felt ever in life, and it felt great. About a couple months ago, around June, my anxiety very randomly worsened tremendously. i sometimes attribute it to starting birth control (which i started mid may), but ill never know for sure. Ever since then, i have been living in hell. I depersonalize everyday, hyperventilate, am groggy, fogged, and overall so very miserable. I’ve tried benzos which work but aren’t for long term, and the SSRIs i’ve tried haven’t worked and made things worse. This isn’t the person everyone knows and loved, and i’m mourning my old self everyday. I just don’t know how much longer i can go. I think about ending my life pretty much multiple times a day. I’m scared and i just want to feel better , i just want the pain to end. I feel like ive tried everything and basically the last resort is just giving up.  i know i’ve been happy before but i haven’t felt that in so long and when i do it’s so short before i have a panic attack. i wake up short of breathe and don’t recognize myself. i’m slowly losing friends, my boyfriend and failing classes. i just want to feel normal again so desperately and i know ending it all and giving up is the easy way out but guys i don’t know what else to do it’s so painfully hard :,(. I go home on the weekends but no matter where i go the anxiety follows   i miss the old me, and pray this nightmare ends before something bad happens. in need of some stories of hope.