Hello, my name is arran, I’m 15, I feel like I have depression and I’m scared of it since it killed one of my grandparents, I think I was fine last week, but before that I’ve just felt so hopeless and empty for the past 4 months, it seems every time I’m with a family member or a friend I feel like I’m fine, but when I’m alone I just start thinking about everything, I think about cutting again,or thinking stuff like “I’m gonna do it” or how I’m worthless and probably won’t get anywhere in life, I’m in love with someone I can’t have which Is gut wrenching and I try not to think about it, But then I seen that person again then EVERYTHING Came back, now I just feel hopeless, empty, worthless and angry again, I have hardly any motivation, only thing I want to do is speak to friends, and because of the fact I have hardly any motivation, I’m not doing well in school, it’s like I want to try but it feels like something is physically stopping me or mentally, same with my instruments, I’ve not sat down at the piano to practice in a month, I don’t know if I have depression or not, I really do want to go to a doctor but I can’t go by myself and I’m not sitting there with my mum

I’m sorry if this is quite long and if my spelling and grammar isn’t correct, I was typing this quick and just want to tell someone