Over the years I've come to realize I'm a deeply passionate person. I throw myself head first into whatever I set my mind to. It was great when I was younger and had athletics as an outlet. I've been struggling with it since. 

I work in technology and it's always been a big passion of mine. I'd say I've done really well for myself career wise but it's lead to me burning out twice now in corporate roles.

I even started my own company to pursue my own interests but my passion yet again lead me to burning out and my first big manic/psychosis event leading to my diagnosis.

I'm back in another great corporate job but as much as I'm trying I just don't have any passion for it. Where I'd normally be a super high performer with my passion fueling me to succeed I'm just coming up mediocre at best and that's just not me.

I'm still deeply passionate about my idea for my startup. The problem is it's a pretty complex, technical idea that's purely theoretical at this stage. I've shared it with friends and family but it's too much for them to fully get the idea.

Where I've been struggling the most is the idea first came to me while I was in my most manic state. Not fully fleshed out of course but the frame of it came at that point. Now I'm in a constant state of wondering if it's really a novel idea or just delusional thinking that's getting me all fired up.

I want to build out a new website and explain the concept in ways people can understand. Hopefully even blog and podcast about it as support for it.

Where I'm really struggling, though, is balancing the want to pursue the passion. It's literally on my mind nearly everyday. I need to be able to do other things.

I'm pretty certain the corporate life isn't for me and currently interviewing with startups. Mainly, somewhere where I can be more passionate about the work.

Before I make the move, though, I'm trying to make sure I can balance my other passion for wanting to do my own thing. I'm ok having it but it can't be so much so that I can't also be pursuing other things.

Currently on Vraylar and Saphris and I'd say I'm pretty damn stable. No mania for over two years. Just having a hard time deciphering if what I'm so passionate about is legitimately a good idea or not.