Just need to vent here. I've been dealing with both anxiety and depression since I was very young, and it's completely ruined my life. I haven't made a single decision in the last decade that hasn't been shaped by my anxiety. 

I decided to go to university because I was too anxious to leave education. I purposely chose a university that didn't require an interview because I was too anxious, and all of my classes have been ones that I wouldn't have to present or talk to another human being. I have made multiple failed attempts to move out, but each time have become severely suicidal with constant panic attacks. I don't have a single friend because I am too scared to talk to others and hold a conversation, and I have never had an actual relationship outside of childhood. I get a panic attack every time I think of getting a job, it's pathetic. 

Now I'm officially an unemployed shut-in, and I hate every single aspect of my life. I know doing things like getting a job, learning to drive, finding a friend, would make things a lot better, but I am too terrified to do anything. I've been mooching off my family for over a year now, I can visibly see that they are getting annoyed and ashamed in me now, but getting better seems impossible. I am scared all of the time, and frequently think that I would be better off dead than in this anxious hellscape...

(Also I have seen a professional in the past, they were not helpful at all)