Of all things, I'm afraid of taking the meds and losing control. 

Ive been taking hydroxyzine for years, it helps a lot but lately I've noticed I'm.. afraid of the calm it brings me? Like, wtf amygdala that's a *good* thing??? 

That and I'm so tired, but even thinking about closing my eyes and feeling that lul just before you pass out is freaking me out, even worse if it actually gets that far
 
Sigh

I'm just..

Kind of at a loss? Also dealing with a weird, warm-feeling fog iny head that's really, REALLY annoying. Everything feels too over stimulating, even laying in bed in my dark room feels wrong.