Haven't felt well for the past 4 years. Broke up with my GF of 6 years because I didn't have it in me to tell her sooner. Feel like I've pushed her away these past 2 years because of me being depressed. Couldn't work on my portfolio, couldn't get a job, could barely get out of bed, could barely see her, couldn't find any joy to living. Only told her about it some months ago, didn't have it in me to tell her about my suicidal thoughts. Recently she admitted she couldn't deal with me anymore and wanted to break up. We talked about it this past weekend. And even though it hurt I had to agree to it. Just wanted her to be happier. Didn't want her to feel like some hostage. Didn't wanna burden her with my problems. I've lost my one constant person that I could talk to everyday. I'm kinda distant from my family. Sleep in the day. Awake at night. I mean I hate them anyways. Either always arguing or complaining about the smallest things. But I need someone to talk to. She told me I could talk to her anytime. But it makes me feel so selfish to even think about messaging her. I just don't know what to do. I Promised her I could make it alone and that I would be fine. But I can't. It's just too damn hard.