Sorry if this post is long or dosent make sense, ive had some really bad thoughts lately and just need a place to vent and ask for advice, Thanks in advance

So lately ive been depressed, it started in November of 2020 when my dog passed away, i was heartbroken and sad but I tried to power through everyday. Then my mom got a new dog, i didnt like it at first cause i though she was just replacing him. We had her a for a few months and then she died of a heart attack in March of 2021. My mom was devastated and spiraled into depression as well. I tried to help her but I didnt work very well cause I was feeling shitty to. Then shortly after she got ANOTHR dog that passed away in the Summer which made us both worse. I told her to stop getting dogs cause it was only hurting us and she agreed but shortly after she decided to start dog sitting cause she lost her job around tge Summer as well. She enjoys it which in glad for her but she still dosent seem to be getting any better. Then she got ANOTHER dog and hes still with us but im afraid that if something happens to him she'll go off the deep end.

Then there's me, I'm also depressed but my biggest issue is i feel super lonely. I have no friends, no girlfriend, no one to talk to, and im not finding joy in anything. I cant see a therapist cause im on a waiting list to get one so i have to wait. Im lonely as shit and cry myself to sleep most nights cause I just desperately want to be loved but feel so undesirable. And i have no friends, the ones i did have were racsist asshole who i dropped cause they were extremely toxic. Plus im cant stop watching porn and masturbating which makes me feel worse whenever i do it but keep doing it to feel a few moments of happiness. I also cant stop watching these stupid fucking ASMR videos of women being nice and supportive, there really nice but i feel so shitty after watching them cause i know it's fake.

I have no one to talk to cause if i talk to my mom she'll just get worse and i have no friends to turn to. Im just so lost and have no idea what to do with my life. I hesitated to make this post cause i feel like it wont accomplish anything but im desperate so here i am. Thank you for reading the whole thing and listening to me vent.