I ve been having a tough few days, I was never diagnosed with anxiety, but when I get anxious I binge... I gained about 7-10 lbs within the last 5 days from all the stuff I ate.


Then I went into a black hole mentally, I love my job and when I go in I can forget about the anxiety, but when I leave the tears stream, my stomach is in knots and I get hives... go figure.

I am a mom and I only see my son a couple of days a week, I ve been having thoughts to avoid to see him because I am just a nervous wreck. But then I thought that it’s terrible to isolate myself because of my own issues.

I decided ok maybe it’s time I book a therapist, and I am sure I can use someone to talk to as the loneliness has been EXCRUCIATING. I don’t have a single family member around , everyone is a few countries and a few time zones away.

I remembered that running has always been amazing. I go run and I feel like I took a magic pill, I ll go run in the morning tomorrow. I am not even doing it to be physically healthy, I just desperately need an oxygen mask like the airplane demos... I feel like I am unable to breath and I know a run will do me good. 

I still keep crying randomly, but right away I try and remember “ ok, this is depression/anxiety, I love you and I believe in you ( talking to myself ), you are safe and I got you” 

I don’t have the money for a therapist right now but I can figure something out.

For about 3 months I was on anti anxiety meds, the general practitioner gave them to me to help me curb my appetite because my binges  were going insane I gained like 60 lbs in half a year .

But now I have been off these meds for 3 weeks and I really don’t want to go back to the meds. I can see that I am not this mind that goes crazy, I know that I can run, meditate and eat better and manage this a bit. The meds gave me a boost and I lost 15 lbs but now I want to carry on without the meds. At least try. Nothing wrong with the meds I don’t mean to shame anyone . 

That’s all. I am happy I found this sub. My mind goes crazy with thoughts, it races and races,,, but I am able to redirect it, but sometimes I am like “ whoaaaa, slow down” 

I worry that I might go crazy, and I wonder sometimes “ why me, why my mind races like this” 

I had amazing Thai food today. I went on a long walk, I meditated. I want to take care of me and love myself into a more manageable mind. 

That’s all.