I feel so useless, but why does that matter? I have no goals, I don't want anything, and I don't even want to live most days. I say I just want enough to survive, but that's not true because I don't even want to get better. I can smile and laugh like a normal person but as soon as I'm alone and given time to reflect it gets so dark and depressing. I'm only 17 and yet I'm always told that "you're capable", "you're intelligent", "you're special", "you'll do great things" ye right. Anyone can tell a fat faced lie to someone. I've been lying for quite awhile now I should know. Oh! And due to my always lying I can even tell who I am now. I can tell the difference if I'm lying or not because all of it doesn't feel true. I feel like I've been doing better, but I still feel so apathetic. I said to myself I'd stop putting on fake smiles though I don't want to put a damper on anyone's mood or be isolated because I told the truth about myself. I just don't know anymore. I don't even know why I'm posting this. Maybe I just need some to lie to me and tell it'll get better even though that hasn't been working as I've in therapy for 6?ish months. I just don't know anymore. I feel emotionless yet so distressed by hopelessness and regret. I don't even want to put effort into anything because I know I'll get shit results because I'm not good at anything.