My boyfriend work really close to home (like 5 min walk) so I don't get separation anxiety when he's there most of the time. It's nice because I can spend some time on my own without being anxious or paranoid. However, I've just realised that I feel a bit more 'awake' and aware of how I've been for the past couple days. It's kind of like a fog has cleared and I feel more in control of how I behave and feel. So sometimes when I'm alone I have this thought like "okay, I'm going to be calm and nice and normal when he gets home. No acting like a child or talking about BPD or drama." Not that I'm not calm and nice, but it describes the demeanor I want to have. 

And then he gets home from work and I jump on him like a child and talk his ear off and do all the things I decided not to do. I don't even remember that thought until the next time I'm alone. 

Thoughts? Suggestions? Anecdotes?