I’m almost two months “clean” from self harming but today I’m just fucking angry. The mental health system is completely fucked, it’s a total fucking scam. 

I desperately want to be cut or burned, really I want someone else to do it, in a fight or something. I really want to get in a fight and hurt someone and have them hurt me. But I know that’s not gonna happen so the next best thing is doing it myself.

I guess I’m just sitting here wondering why the fuck it’s been drilled into me that I shouldn’t. I can’t think of a single reason not to do it so I don’t know why it sometimes makes me feel fucking guilty afterwards. It doesn’t make any fucking sense and I don’t know why it’s universally accepted that you shouldn’t self harm if it makes you feel better.