I had a good week and a half holding my feelings in or writing them down. 


But yesterday was bad. I needed to talk. My FP HATES talks. I had 3 talks yesterday. 


He told me this is why we can't be in a relationship. Because I screwed up ONCE in over a week. 


What's the point of trying if every time you screw up, you get told that you're not worth it? 


So I ate a bottle of Xanax. I told him I did.  He went to sleep. Apparently Xanax can't kill you. 

That's too bad.

I'm too tired to be alive anymore. 2017 is gonna be it for me. 

I wanted a family. I wanted babies. I wanted a nice home. But he's right, I'm too unstable. I'm never calm. 


I hate myself. 


I need to find better pills.