I just realized that I have some sort of depression and as I don't really have someone to talk to I thought I'd share it here as the community seems supportive. 
To describe the state first of all I am emotional numb, socializing is very difficult to impossible if it's not the guys I stick around (besides one or two I don't consider them friends because they just don't have the quality of real friends and it's always just hanging around and smoking). Also I want to do things (like learning new stuff or figure out what career I'd like to pursue or even find a new hobby) but I just don't have the energy and feels like I need to get ass-kicked to start smth. 
The only savior is the gym as it gives me some kind of confidence and when I don't go there I feel like something's missing and what am I even living for.
I have quit smoking for several weeks now before someone says that this is the reason, I am aware of its side effects and I can tell that it's not the reason for my depressive state. Also I really miss being a child and not dealing with different problems and thoughts, that's when I really felt happy. I don't know what to do.

I am well aware that other people got bigger problems due to being abused or losing someone important but I am just tired of feeling like overly described. Thanks for reading.