My stepchild's mother has been diagnosed with BPD. She says she's in therapy and on medication for it. She lost custody of my stepkid years ago, it's been a rollercoaster of drug use, criminal behavior and emotional breakdowns in the subsequent 7 years and we stopped contact between her and her child because she brought too much turmoil and chaos to the table. As a result, my stepkid is not bonded with her at all. Now she is trying to force a relationship with her child that we feel she isn't quite ready to have, and that her child does not want at all because of the years of hurt and disappointment kiddo has been put through. Mom is seeking justice through the courts, as is her right (and I don't feel she has a strong case), but it feels kind of like her BPD is at the wheel here.

So here's where I need some understanding, is the "but ME, I WANT" way of thinking part of this disorder? Is there a way to get her to see past that thinking, if so? She seems to have no regard for my stepkid's emotional well-being. Only her own sense of feeling abandoned by her kid and trying to force, beg, lie her way back in.

Would your therapists say forcing a relationship where the other person is unwanting of this relationship through legal avenues is sort of a way of manipulating people into staying in your life?

And how long does therapy for BPD typically take (obviously everyone is different)? She's maybe been in therapy for 2-3 months tops and thinks she's ready to pop back into my stepkid's life ALL BETTER NOW. Seems like a short time frame for retooling an ingrained personality. Am I right in assuming it's more intensive than that? I'm also wondering how affective has treatment been for you in terms of being meaningful and lasting? 