So no I’m not diagnosed but there is plenty wrong with me and I have so many sources of trauma it is ridiculous. Do I think I had a bad life? Nope my life was gold compared to most. Do I still hate most of it? Definitely. 

To quickly end this…whatever it is, I have come to a point where I am in full control over my desire to live/die. My dilemma is that there is so much that’s wrong with me Im not sure if I want to try and fix any of it. Everything has kinda become indifferent to me. I guess I’m just existing and that’s as good as it gets for me. But hey, I have a heart transplant and I’m sick so maybe I’ll die sooner than I intend. All I know is that this time I’m not gonna try to stop it. Fighting death is pointless if it reaches a certain level of severity. 

Are dying of an incurable medical problem? Not worth preventing. Did someone shoot you and you can still be saved and remain relatively undamaged? That’s worth preventing! 

Anyways, that’s it.