I sabotaged an entire relationship w someone till they felt like the connection was “not there” anymore and made them hate me.They ended up leaving when i told them about the ways i self harm.I always was mindful to not tell them about my struggle but was on some kind of empty spiralling in me made me tell them how stupidly i hurt myself.I feel mad at them for leaving me when i was struggling w some addiction sometimes.They meant everything to me.I dont know how i will be able to forgive myself…i dont even think they could forgive me for ruining the most important connection i could have ever had.
Not only this relationship but i sabotaged months worth of progress again.Feels like an endless cycle of breaking myself down over and over and over again.

Venting here because i find myself alone again and ive been spending ever second thinking about this.