For as long as i can remember i’ve had crippling trust issues, to the point of not even being able to trust my family. They would always say “you’ll meet someone who will love you for who you are.” I didn’t believe them of course, i’ve been told i wasn’t worth it since i came out of the womb. I hated hearing them say it though, they were rubbing their neurotypical ways in my face without hesitation, they could have stable lives with people that care about them because they’re not fucked up. 

I’m only 20, i actually just turned 20 less than two weeks ago, i never thought i would meet someone who actually liked me for me. it happened though. 

in late 2016 after my first visit to a psychiatrist ward i met a guy, at first we just spoke as friends, but because i was so unstable, we fell out of contact. We’ve just recently started speaking again, it was kinda strange at first given we hadn’t spoken in 2 years. I couldn’t resist, i HAD to overshare. But this time he didn’t run, he didn’t act as though i was crazy. I mean i spilled the entire pot onto him, every terrible awful thing that happened to me as a kid, but he listened. Not only did he listen, he reciprocated. He told me some of his dark secrets too, i was shocked by this, the amount of empathy, and dedication he had shown me warmed my heart. 

He is one of the most gentle people i have ever met, and while he does deal with his own hardships, he’s very aware and intelligent. His emotional maturity blows me away, i mean wow, how is he so logical in the way he thinks? it’s unreal. He takes his time to write me things, he doesn’t ghost me, he gives me validation, he really really goes over the top to make sure i’m alright.

I’ve finally found someone who i don’t have a hard time trusting, i never actually thought it would happen. His energy is easy to match, he’s super laid back which in turn helps me calm down. you will find people that love you you despite the disorder(s). There are people out there who won’t run away if you open up. this is the first time i’ve felt at peace in a long time. I’ve got people that love me, i’ve got a life ahead of me, everything is okay. 