I really just want to vent right now because I don't have anyone in my life who understands.

 I have severe anxiety, I've been to the ER from an attack, stress ate to 240 lbs (40lbs down already yay!) and feel like im going to die or lose control at least 3 times a day despite being on medication. Plus the overall shakiness, nervousness and obsessive thinking. Everyday is a war to me, between having an eating disorder and anxiety, my mind is constantly rushing and my body is always in pain. Some days I feel achieved if I'm able to do things as simple as showering or cooking for myself because once the anxiety hits I have to stop what I'm doing and lay down or else I spiral as, personally, trying to brush it off and continuing makes it worse. 

I already feel a LOT of guilt that I'm not able to be as productive as I know I could be, but I DO try really hard, every single day to get better and I have slowly found ways to function at my own pace. HOWEVER, I think my environment is the biggest obstacle I face. 

I live with my family and they know of my anxiety but their take on it is that I simply don't have the will to get better and am weak of mind. And they're VERY vocal about it. 

It's hard to have to deal with it in silence because the couple of times I've opened up about it or asked for their comfort during an attack, they just shamed me the whole way through it. And now, even though I try to deal with it on my own to avoid their comments, they end up bringing it up anyway and not only is it making my anxiety worse, it's also made me really depressed. They're also very against me being on medication despite it being the only thing keeping me alive right now. 

Another point is that I've asked them endlessly to keep trigger foods out of my sight because I have a really bad binge eating disorder which also relates to my anxiety; I don't ask them not to buy treats for themselves, I simply ask them to put them in a spot I don't know about. I know it sounds silly but it would help SO MUCH. They can't even do that for me but absolutely can body shame me and once again, claim I don't have self control and it's not a real disorder. AND binging is the main anxiety attack trigger to me. 

At this point, I don't even want their comfort anymore because I know I'll never get it. I just want them to leave me alone about it. I end up every single day with muscle pain from all the stress I built up throughout the day between my own brain torturing me and my family solely opening their mouths to  put me down.

I know the obvious option is moving out but it's easier said than done. I really just wanted to let this out.