I still don't fully understand BPD. I have thought for years that I was bipolar II, but apparently I have a personality disorder as well. This makes me feel like the horrible things I have gone through in my life are entirely my own fault, because there are no genetics or chemicals involved that I know of. It also makes me feel powerless to do anything about it, and overall worthless... like I just don't deserve to be cared about, so why should I bother trying (let alone living)?

I clearly have some serious fucking issues and don't even know how to ask for help. I can't afford therapy. What do I do?

edit: you guys rock. i feel a lot more at peace after reading all of your comments. Thank you.