
I have this really weird detachment-like feeling when I feel depressed. I would feel like I don’t know where I am, don’t know who I am, like my heart is floating in the air and there’s a hole in my chest. It feels so empty, bitter, lonely and sad that I just want to cry.🥲🥲🥲 I have noticed that I particularly feel this way when I’m moving.🥲 I’ve moved 8 times for the past 3 years and changed the country I live in. I remember when I was moving out of the apartment I had lived for 3 years, I looked at my roommate whom I didn’t even like very much, and for one second I just felt so sad that I wanted to die! And that thought scared me. 
Today I’m engulfed in this feeling again. And yes I will be moving again soon. I keep reliving some of the saddest moments of my life and I’m drown in the sea of sadness. 🥲🥲🥲 
I want to hold on to something solid and feel my existence rooted in it. I want to feel connected to the world in a solid way where I can constantly be sure of who I am and where I am. I just don’t want to feel this way anymore.🥲 
I feel like I am constantly seeking assurance of who I am from other people which makes me always live in insecurity and fear, and I can easily lose directions in life and become depressed when others fail to provide the assurances that I’m seeking. And I would always go back to those moments where I feel like my existence is invalid. 🥲 This has affected my past relationships so many times because I projected too much on to my partner, it’s like I’m putting the pressure on them to assure me of who I am and that really sucks. Like when they show appreciation for others, I just feel this specific kind of depression again, like I don’t recognize them and don’t know where I am. 
I don’t know who else I can share this to so I’m posting here. Thanks for allowing me to share. I would really like to hear some advice from you guys!