I apologize for the length of this post, but I am desperate for any advice or any reassurance than can be offered.

I am a 29-year-old male who struggles with ADHD, GAD, and depression. I recently started a relationship with a girl 2 years younger than me about a month ago, and things on the outside have been going very well. She has her degree in psychology and has experience as a therapist, which I believe has allowed her to be extremely patient and understanding of my mental illnesses. We both have been very supportive of each other, we make each other laugh, and while we have already had a few arguments (these have mostly been my fault), we talk them out and are quick to get them resolved.

The above sounds great, right? While it has been, I have also been having this internal struggle with my anxiety over the relationship, and it's a battle that I can't seem to win. I feel like I am more miserable than I am happy, and it's not because of anything negative that she has done nor is it because the relationship itself is bad, but I constantly find myself going through this nonstop cycle of overthinking, worrying, and ensuing feelings of guilt for being this way.

A little bit of background about me, though: I spent almost my entire childhood and adolescence with the above-mentioned mental illnesses. It wasn't until I was 21, though, that I was diagnosed with GAD and depression, and it wasn't until I was 27 that I was diagnosed with ADHD (I have always believe that I have had it, but I wasn't able to see a mental health professional who could diagnose it until a couple of years ago). This was mostly due to my parents, who were very religious while I was growing up, and they believe that these were a result of "demonic oppression" as opposed to actual mental illnesses. I had a lot of issues with my parents, particularly my father, who always seemed to want to pick fights with me to the point where I would get angry and become "disrespectful" in his eyes, which would result in some kind of punishment. I hated my father for various reasons, and I always felt like I was under a microscope while I lived in that household, so I spent most of my time watching movies and playing video games as a form of escape. I believe that I developed a rather unhealthy concept of romantic relationships because of what my father and church taught us growing up: you better find "the one" and if you marry the wrong person, you will essentially be miserable for the rest of your life. You therefore have to rely on the "Holy Spirit" to speak to you about who is the right person. I believe that this, along with being stuck in the fantasy of how relationships were portrayed in movies and other forms of media, contributed greatly to the severity of my relationship anxiety.

I consider myself to only have had one serious relationship (if you can even call it that) prior to the one that I am currently in. This was when I was in high school, and it only lasted about 5 months. I had a huge crush on her for a long time prior to dating, and I remember the emotional highs I would get from fantasizing about being in a relationship with her. When the time came that she actually agreed to be my girlfriend, it seemed like the emotional high went away rather quickly on its own (I know you can't rely on this "spark" to maintain a relationship, I will get to that later). Looking back, I feel like with no emotional high to rely on this led me to develop a lot of unprovoked negative thoughts about the relationship. I always had a "bad feeling" about things, which at the time I believed was my gut telling me that God didn't approve of the relationship and that I should therefore end it. After ending it, I always felt a lot of regret and tried to get back with her a couple of times, but I would always go back to having the same negative feelings about it and would always back out. Since then, with the exception of the relationship I am in now, I have been in several unserious relationships with girls I was even afraid to call my girlfriend, as the very idea of calling them that was enough to trigger anxiety, and I have always had the same cyclical thought process, even in the relationship I am currently in. Here are a few examples of my obsessive thought process (and trust me, I know these are going to sound ridiculous):

1. "This relationship hasn't had much of a 'honeymoon phase.' Good and long-lasting relationships usually start with this at first. Therefore, the relationship is futile, and I should end it."
2. "I should be more attracted to her" (even though I think she is very beautiful).
3. "If I really did like/love her, I wouldn't be having all of these obsessive thoughts, doubts, and negative emotions."

I know that these seem incredibly ridiculous and irrational, but it seems like I have hundreds of these thoughts every day, and it gets to a point where I get so worn down by my mind ping-ponging nonstop and all day long that I feel dull, lethargic, guilty, and hopeless. I am at an age where I really want to be with someone who I can share my life with, and even though I struggle with all of this going on in my mind, my family and friends tell me that I look incredibly happy being with her. She is a really good influence on me, she makes me feel loved, and I really don't want to waste this opportunity, because I feel like she is one in a million and is good for me.   


I am supposed to start therapy in mid-August, but it if you have any advice in the meantime, it would be greatly appreciated.  


Thank you for reading, and I apologize again for the length.