I’m borderline homicidal and suicidal, every time I “accidentally” hurt my dogs I grab a knife and start cutting my chest so no one will be able to tell I self-harm. My dogs are literally the only thing in this entire world I care about and yet I hurt them and after it happens all I care about is death. I start banging my head against the wall and crying uncontrollably and the worst part about is my dog consoles me after. Even when I’m not depressed all I think about suicide or some form of death and or homicide to pass the time. I don’t care about taking any sort of medication or going to therapy I just need someone to tell me how to end is instantly I would prefer no pain whatsoever but pain is acceptable as long as it’s instantaneous.