hello,
this is the first time i'm posting something on reddit; because a friend recommended it to me. because I don't know what to do anymore.
(i posted this on a german subreddit before, so i‘ve just google translated it, because my head can‘t translate all of it rn, so sorry if there are any mistakes)

I've struggled with depression for several years now, same as my mother.
after graduating in 2016, i started an apprenticeship and dropped out after six months. in between I was unemployed, stayed at home, playing video games.

now i'm in my second year of my apprenticeship as a florist — i love plants, but i hate this job. i hate making bouquets, i hate working with clients and most of all i hate my employees.

due to my health problems, i am often ill (migraines, abdominal pain, depression &amp;&amp;&amp;) and every time i get to listen to some stupid comments from my co-workers (e.g. “pinch your cheeks, it won’t be that bad”) from time to time there were even things that made me almost burst into tears.

I've been ill for the 2nd week now and have to go back to work tomorrow (I've had a few mental breakdowns this week because of it) but I'd prefer to go back to the doctor because I'm still not feeling better and I don't want to see the people there. but i'm afraid of it, especially since i received a „warning“ before christmas (on my birthday). short explanation: I didn't get a sick note from my doctor after my second vaccination -&gt; unexcused absences.

and i know very well that there will be extremely stupid comments tomorrow when i get to work like this. "what's going to become of you" "what should we do with you" "it can't go on like this"

and I just don't know anymore what to do to please everyone. i would change company, but i'm not allowed to do that because of my boyfriend, since his family is friends with my boss.

I would love to see a therapist again, but finding one is next to impossible at the moment.
that‘s why I kind of eat everything up inside myself and it doesn't go well in the long run.


okay, that's enough.

it just had to come out now.