Y’all.. I’ve been grasping.. clinging to my most recent manic episode afraid that the depression will send me over the edge this time. I hate glamorizing the mania but it feels soooo much better. I just found out I probably won’t have insurance for a while and I’m so afraid of what may happen. 

I just pulled up to a bookstore to work on a 20 page paper that I’ve barely started and started crying for 30 min in the parking lot. I quite literally don’t have time to be depressed. Im in grad school and this paper is due in 4 days.

Also, I’m just ranting here but has anyone tried to cling to their mania in fear of a depressive episode and then realize you’re actually being toxic as fuck to themselves?? Example: I don’t want to be sad so I keep buying things that make me happy. Then I realize I have no money for food.. and the cycle continues. 

I’m so appreciative I found this thread. I was in denial about my diagnosis for waaaay too long.