TW; suicidal thoughts, abortion, betrayal, non forgiveness, drowning, death 

It’s been two years since I had an abortion, it’s been two years since a girl who was one of my best friends told everyone in my town, it’s been two years since I was bullied and dropped out of highschool, it’s been two years since I’ve made any real connection with anyone around me. 

Back in 2016, one of my best friends died suddenly, he drowned at a swimming spot in April of 2016. Around three weeks after that I fell pregnant. As you can imagine this was a very emotional time for me, I found it as the worst year of my life so far, except the year hasn’t seemed to end. A girl who I was friends with, nay, best friends with, told everybody that I was pregnant, everyone in my town. People start messaging me anonymously to make fun of me, and kids would laugh at me at school, people I didn’t even know started messaging me asking me about it, people that SHE was friends with. I came to find that she told all of these people what was going on with me. I didn’t even tell HER, my friend was reading messages between us to her and my friend accidentally read that part out loud, SHE decides to tell every single person she knows, even though I didn’t tell her about it myself. Now a days I don’t trust anyone and I’m unbearable depressed. 

She popped up on facebook today, I haven’t seen her name in a really long time or her face. It just set something off. Everytime I think about her I want to slit my wrists and kill my self, the idea of death seems more appealing than to live in the same area as this person. I really want to forgive and forget, but I can’t. I want her to hurt the same way I do, to feel the way she made me feel. Nothing bad happened to her after, she just coasted through life like she didn’t pull the rug out from underneath me. I hate living, I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. How can I move on? I think about her every single day, and every single day I feel hurt and angry and betrayed. And she tries to play it off like it wasn’t a big deal, but I lost every single one of my friends when I dropped out of highschool and I’ve never been able to recover from what happened.