I get it - I shouldn't have kids. I know I'd make a bad mother - BPD aside, I've got persistent depression and anxiety. I'm an excellent aunt, though!

It always hurts knowing that's never going to happen to me but some days it just hurts more. I've got PCOS, so already I'm in the "there are options" camp, birth control sent me unhinged and it's not okay to become abusive to my child(ren) due to hormone changes, so def not having them and looking to have partial hysterectomy to ensure I never risk getting pregnant and ruin their lives or, if had one, my partner's.

But today in stretch class during mediation, I starting welling up and tears came out. I'm never going to have that photo of a mother with her new born on her chest. I'm never going to know what is like to have a child grow inside me and feel all the sensations pregnant women talk about. I'm never going to know what is like to look into my partner's eyes as they hold their child for the very first time and look at us both with complete love.

Hell, I'm 99.9% certain I'll never get a boyfriend or have sex again so I logically get it but, damn. It hurts.