Its christmas and i am not even happy. I just wish i was dead, i want this pain to end. I try my best to think positive but i dont have the energy to even try anymore. seeing everyone around me happy while i have to hide my pain is getting harder. I am in my room crying, I hate my room, its a mess and i cant even clean it without getting mad. I dont have anyone to talk to, i dont have any freinds. I see people hang out with freinds and family while i have no one. I just wish i was dead, whats even the point of staying alive. Fuck this. I am tired of hearing people say that it will get better, it has not. it has just gotten worse over time. I have lost so many freinds.