So the past two months have been hell. My fp left because she needed space but promised she would eventually come back although she didn't specify when. When she left I broke down but started trying to recover so I could be a better friend although I have still screwed up a lot. I didn't think we'd get to talk for several years but a couple days ago she finally messaged me and we talked a little and I got some closure and she said she'd try and send me a message in the summer which made me really happy.

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WELL. I have a mutual friend with her who I was pretty close to. I talked to her for a while but eventually things started going kinda bad. I did start snapping at her a lot and in the past I'd sometimes get mad at her for no reason. But the past two months have been bad. She rarely ever talked to me and the only time we really talked was when I had an issue since if I tried to text her when I was happy it generally got ignored since I was busy. And when we did talk it was never very good.

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TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE: There was one time in February where I became extremely suicidal and I was feeling horrible about myself and needed someone to talk to. I texted her (and keep in mind she's an online friend so i don't know her schedule because I don't see her everyday) and she just so happened to be out with friends going to see a movie and she basically told me to leave her alone because she was with her real friends and the movie started in 10 minutes then she proceeded to spend the next 10 minutes getting mad at me and laying a guilt trip on me because I got upset at how she was acting. I was hurt and didn't talk to her for a couple days and when I did talk to her she revealed she'd told my fp about how I was acting which caused me to block her because the fact that she was gossiping about me and I couldn't defend myself to my fp was very triggering and upsetting. She then proceeded to try and find ways to contact me including messaging my own mother who ignored her message.

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I did unblock her and said I was hurt and wanted her to apologize for being rude which later got thrown in my face. I probably took about a week off from her, just for some space. And there's been several other instances where she's either been very blunt and rude when I message her not knowing she's busy or she's not wanting to talk and she'll either snap at me for messaging her or she'll talk to me and expect me to know she wants to be alone and then get mad at me for wanting to be alone.

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Well last night I was talking to her and I was ranting to her a little and she told me she was going to go eat something and kept texting me at the same time so I assumed it was ok for me to keep texting her. Then she got upset at me because she assumed I knew she wanted to be alone while she ate even though she kept texting me. I asked her to not be so blunt and to just tell me she wanted to be alone instead of expecting me to read her mind and instead of listening she said "Ok I'll just be more blunt" and proceeded to lay a mini guilt trip on me which set me off and I blocked her. I didn't name call her or say anything too bad, I got somewhat upset and "yelled" a little over text and then blocked her because I needed space.

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Well this morning I woke up and unblocked her and started to type her a message when she blocked me on everything and I got a long message from her saying I treated her like a punching bag and that she tried to do what I asked her to and I kept complaining and she laid a HUGE guilt trip on me and then I found out after that she went and told two of our friends and my fp what I did which set me off. I sent my fp a message asking her not to assume I'm the villain and she read it but didn't respond which I expected. I felt bad messaging her when she needed space but our mutual friend was going out of her way to spread lies to her and paint me out to be a bad guy when my fp wants space from all my drama anyways and shouldn't even be getting put in the middle.

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I know I might sound like I'm being a bad guy but the majority of what's been upsetting me is the fact that my friend can't seem to realize that her being so blunt and expecting me to read her mind upsets me and hurts me. She hasn't tried to change at all and the only time she really tried was when I gave her an example of what I would have preferred her to say during our argument and instead of listening to me and taking note for next time she simply copy pasted my message right then and there and sent it, basically trying to make a point after the fact. I have never said anything worse to my friends other then I once told them I hated them when I was in the middle of a breakdown and there were times when I said they were acting like jerks or what not but thats about as bad as it gets. I have "yelled" over text and have probably laid guilt trips on them over time but they have also done the same to me and I have been trying to control myself more and more. It is hurtful that she says I use her as a punching bag when I try and reach out to her and she ignores me when I'm in a good mood. Plus she got mad at me today for asking for space a couple times and then asking for an apology meanwhile she's done the same thing to me MULTIPLE TIMES yet its ok because she's not the one with BPD.

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Obviously I need to change and treat my friends better because I am definitely making mistakes. I see my mistakes and I know I need to fix them. But am I overreacting here? Because I really just want to walk away from our mutual friend forever even though I love her. I've blocked her on everything and the one thing stopping me is the fear of what she'll say to my fp about me. I still care about her but I can't handle the way she acts sometimes. I know she has depression but so do I and.... I don't know. I know she says shes just very blunt sometimes but there's a way of slightly altering what you say so that it doesn't hurt the other person. Am I overreacting or am I in the wrong? I could really use some honest feedback.