I don't typically do this, however recently I've felt the need to just let my thoughts out.

I have the ideal life, my family (both parents, 2 sisters) both love me, my parents spoil me, we live pretty well, but recently I've been feeling more and more lonely and depressed. 

Before covid I was going to public school, I had plenty of friends and even 2 close friends that were basically sisters to me, once covid hit my mom pulled me out of public school and put me in online schooling, we isolated ourselves in our house. I stopped talking to everyone, even my 2 close friends, I rarely leave the house and when I do I don't talk to people, it's normally a car ride. I've been living like this since 2020, after the lock down was lifted my family recovered from it well. My parents work hard everyday, one of my sisters goes to college and is always out with people, the other sister works hard and doesn't live with me anymore, all of them seem happy.

Me on the otherhand, I get increasingly worse. All I do is sleep, play games, and watch TV. And I hardly play games anymore, they're just not fun like they used to be.

Honestly there a 3 things that bother me the most. 

1. I feel extremely selfish for even having these feelings and thoughts, I live a life alot of people would literally die for, and I can't even bring myself to be happy. 

2.  I pushed away my 2 friends. The 2 people who meant the most to me (I wasn't aware at the time) no longer speak to me, 1 of them unadded me on everything, this is  probably what I regret the most. If I knew back then how much those people actually meant to me I would've never even thought of letting them go, but now I can't even talk to them, I broke my promise and I don't even know who they are anymore. And last time I did talk to them they both seemed short with me, like they didn't care anymore, so I just stopped talking.

3. I honestly feel so worthless, like I said before, life people would die for, yet I feel incapable of consistent happiness. I'm not good at anything, I barely pass school and have been held back, I used to do wrestling, had been going on 11 years, but i got beat by people that only had 4 years experience max, also got an injury. Since then I've been too ashamed to go back. I mean, I couldn't even beat the guys who have 6-7 years less experience than me. what's the point of doing it if I'm that bad? I contribute absolutely nothing to my house, I'm basically just a parasite, feeding off of my parents.

I often wish I could restart life in another world, which causes me more shame because as a christian I should be grateful for the world and the life I've been given , but I'm not.

I realize the odds of anyone actually reading this is slim, that's not really why I did it. I did it to just let it out, I can't talk to my family about it, they're the type to feel like I'm selfish and over exaggerating it all. Maybe I am selfish 

But hey, if you did decide to read, thanks for listening to my cliche feelings and likely desirable style of life that I dislike for some reason. I know most people in here probably have it way way worse than I do, I'm even hesitant posting this bc of that.