**Trigger warning** First of all I have PTSD and when I found out I had it I didn’t believe it and was disappointed in myself. I was bullied extensively, and I was almost driven to the point of suicide. I found out I had ptsd when I went to my old middle school and  had a panic attack. When I found out I had it I was ashamed because I felt like I could’ve prevented this standing up for myself, I have never been to war, seen a dead body, been in any really bad situation that I was in danger. So I feel like I’m too sensitive about my childhood and people have it in war based situations. I still have dreams nightmares about my childhood, I’m very cynical to teenagers and have a distrustful view of them, I don’t like to go near my old childhood neighborhood.  along with being bullied by my peers I was bullied by my dad about grades and I get horrified if I get anything less than a B. Even recently I was contemplating suicide(I had gotten a knife) because I failed my calculus exam after studying for 2 weeks( I didn’t eat for a whole 3 days almost and stayed in bed).  I feel like my ptsd isn’t validated because I only been bullied, threatened and betrayed. I didn’t have anything to show for it