I know some people go through cycles sometimes when majority of the time they're dealing with issues and some few times they're actually doing well. I've struggled ever since I was able to start thinking independently about real life issues, and recently I was going through my roughest patch to date. One of those patches that successfully broke me and left me feeling hopeless. It takes a great deal for me to even get out of the the depression loop and whenever I do, it only lasts for a few days.

Just recently moved out of my apartment after graduating college and I just realized today that I haven't really felt depressed for a few weeks and it had me puzzled. I haven't really made any changes so I feel like there's absolutely no progress yet I feel alright? Like not sad, no feeling of despair, just general boredness? I was just scrolling through reddit and saw a post about people describing what depression feels like to you and I had one of those thoughts of "ah yes, something I can relate to" but for the love of anything I couldn't think of anything. I can't even remember what those feelings felt like yet I'm scared to try and remember. Just a month ago I was crying my eyes out almost daily, dealing with death, abandonment and rejection and yet I can't recall those feelings at the moment? This is the first time this has happened to me and I don't know how to deal with it.

Do I just go along with it, or is this a form of bottling up my emotions and eventually I'll break again? I currently feel like a person who doesn't understand what depression is or feels like even though I know I'm the complete opposite. One of my closest friends ended our friendship because they couldn't help me out whenever I talked to them about my personal issues and now I feel like I'm in their position when I don't want to be.

Anyone experience this before?