A few days ago a co-worker of mine, who knows I have BPD, recommended I go for a walk in this gorgeous park in my city to mix things up for myself and as a form of self-care.

The weather was really nice today so I decided to just impulsively go and try and add something new to my life. It was really nice, the way the nature and architecture really intertwined together was amazing - along with the sounds of birds. I spent about 2 hours there, and did some reading too.

But, despite that, I still felt empty for some reason. It was as if I was missing something or that I shouldn't be allowed to do this for myself, I felt dirty and wrong (hell I still do now) for doing something nice for myself and I felt like crying on the way back home. I dont know what's wrong with me. 

Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel empty and bad even when its something nice and good for me? Does anyone else relate?