Im just horrid at meeting or connecting to people. Im forever alone. And not in the romantic sense, in the sense of any real connection.

I can’t connect to people. My friendships have all atrophied, and I cannot even salvage the last 2 that hang on. I can’t talk to people at work because I feel so aggressively incompetent that they must hate me. going to the store terrifies me. Everything that comes out of my mouth, or that I put into text seems so deeply stupid. Even things that would be trivial to most people cut me down to complete dysfunction. 

I just hate it. I don’t know how to read anyones emotions, and I can’t read boundaries so I relegate myself to withdrawn meekness to the point of being completely unexciting. Nothing enthused me, and I can’t find joy in things to share with anyone. 

I don’t even want to make things better. I just want to be able to tolerate it. I wish I couldn’t tell how I keep destroying any friendship I have. I wish I was ignorant to the fact things could be better. The worst fate isn’t death, or torture. It’s eternal mediocrity.