I always find myself to be superficially charming and, if in a good mood, can get on with a whole room of people. But i never get close to them, i find myself myself worrying about every possible scenario that could happen to hurt me and then i push and do the classic premptative stike to people. I guess my minds logic is "hurt everyone first before youre hurt". Ive been breaking the self destructive push and pull pattern lately, however still feel i have no real friends and am kind of confused how people do the whole connecting with others thing. i feel everything and nothing, i jump from despair and love to complete lack of emotion. I also noticed that i do have a hard time with empathy and can be very cold, but at the same time can absorb everyones emotions around me and be very genuine. Just wanted to know how you guys deal with the push pull friendship dynamic and conflicting emotions?