Nothing feels the same anymore. Every time I try to enjoy something I usually do it just feels like a chore rather than entertainment. I get mad at the literal smallest things. I don’t know what happened. This has been going on for over a year now. I’ve lost all creativity and motivation. I keep telling myself im gonna get better but I keep sucking up all the pain. I hate being looked down on as the lazy one in the family. I try my best but everybody wants better of me. Im scared and confused. Nothing makes sense. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for a while that started from like 11 years old but this is new. I feel lost and have no purpose in life. Even with friends I always feel alone, like I don’t belong there. On calls with them I usually stay silent and play a different game than them. This is painful. It feels I got a smack in the face and it just changed how I see everything now.