My apologies, I've been posting a lot, commenting a lot, deleting a lot. I have not been doing very well at all. I've been trying so hard to be good, but the invasive thoughts and the fear of abandonment have overtaken me. I lost my favourite person last night. I probably lost them a long time ago. But I know I'm being let go now. I was saying hurtful things, cruel accusations, literally degraded my person. I'm a toxic piece of s*** and I don't deserve anything good in my life. I'm just waiting for them to come home from work. I have everything I need to be successful in this attempt. The pit in my stomach is so painful I can't bear it anymore. I'm just waiting.