I feel like I'm going insane. Am I truly going through shit or am I making myself think things are actually horrible. I'm mad because I feel like no one gives two fucks about what I need. I ask for romance in my relationship and get told that thats just not who they are. I tell someone I want to harm myself and they tell me to grow up. I tell my mother how she treated me and she tells me that was just my interpretation and it didn't actually happen. I'm pissed off I deserve better but I stay in relationships that tear me apart. When I post to here all I want is people to respond and be there for me but I  end up deleting some stuff I post when I vent my feelings because no body responds. I crave affection and love and get hate and anger instead. I go through every second of the day with strong urges to literally beat myself up and most of the time I do. I tend to punch or smack myself in the face because of how much I hate myself and my life. I was never protected from anyone and now I take all that hate on myself. I'm trying today where I dont over share with my SO or tell them anything about my feelings, this ends up making me seething with self hate and wanting to explode! I don't want to go through everyday with strong urges to just hurt myself but thats my only coping skill. I deserve every bit of hate I get from external people 
I am horrible, im filled with horrible memories, I ruin everything, I constantly think of impending doom. I'm tired of fucking feeling everything then getting shitted on for feeling. I wish people would just fucking care about me, but in reality NO BODY will ever care im alone in this world everybody I've ever loved proved to me that  I'm unlovable. I'm done. I want to be petty and over react but I can't.