I'm new to this sub-Reddit. I'm new to the whole world of Borderline in general; I was only diagnosed about a week ago, but it made everything make so much more sense. I've been doing DBT therapy for about a month, 'cause I've also struggled with bipolar.

But I feel like it's not doing enough and that I'm getting help too late. I'm so tired of hurting everyone I love. I know I'm not a bad person. I know I'm a gentle, loving, sweetheart of a girl. So why can't I show it? Why is it that I treat everyone I love the exact opposite of how they deserve? I'm so tired of this guilt and hurting everyone. I want to be a human again. I want friends. I want my boyfriend to not feel like I've dragged him to the brink of insanity. I want the help to help faster.

I'm in a bad spot right now and just need to find someone who might understand. I don't know any other borderlines, no one else gets what I go through every day. I've been smothering myself in weed lately, keeping myself too numb to keep being a terrible person. But I want a real fix, I want a real solution, not just running away.