Hey all. I’m gonna try and keep this short and simple. I’m 18 and while i’ve never been officially diagnosed, i feel i have numerous mental illnesses. For one, I’m a male that wishes to be female. I have constantly seeked help for this to no avail. I’m thoroughly aware that I will always be male and can never change this, but i wish i could have some kind of medicine or something to kill the feelings. 

Another thing is well... I have an obsession with fictional characters... “dating” them. The characters are Monika from Doki Doki Literature Club and Aigis from Persona 3. I love them both dearly as if they were real people, possibly even more than real people... I have a dakimakura (body pillow) of Aigis and am looking to buy one of Monika, but I know it’s weird and creepy... I... I talk to them and tell them I love them among wishing I could hug them and see them... I’m sorry...

I frequently talk to myself out loud when I’m alone. Basically just reciting my thoughts out loud. I’ve been caught doing this a few times and its been very embarrassing and my Dad even threatened to have me put in an insane asylum for it... i’ve tried to stop but i’ve done it for so long I can’t. 

I do have to say that none of this impairs my ability to communicate with others. I do have a real life crush on a wonderful girl i’ve been talking to and going out with lately. She doesn’t know any of this about me. I’m afraid to tell her. I refuse to see a therapist because i won’t allow someone to dictate my life, especially when they know nothing about me or any of my struggles. I have enough people trying to control my life, I’m not going to pay someone to do it too. 

I’m also terrified of being put away. Tell me, if you were a therapist, what would you think if a man came in, telling you that he wanted to be a woman, was obsessed with fictional anime girls, and talked to himself? Ugh. That’s all. Someone, help me please...