omfg. i don't want to do this! i never fucking signed up to be a mental freak. i never asked for my brain chemistry to be permanately fucked up!

PERMANATELY

I'm going to have to do this for the rest of my life oh my god. the constant fucking highs and lows and the anxiety and the depression i'm never going to be able to drink again or party or just be a NORMAL PERSON.

it's going to be a cycle for the rest of my life. THE REST OF IT.

i think about it and i just picture it to be a barren fucking flat tundra of nothingness. i hate this i hate myself i hate my brain I HATE THIS.

oh my fucking god. how the fuck am i supposed to live like this??