Running out of things to distract myself with and no where to go to vent it out. 

The now is pretty good and definitely safe. But my illness (ptsd and schizoaffective disorder) makes me fear everything and my mind goes back to when things were not safe and on top of that, I beat up and tear myself down. If I dont stay on top of my attitude, I lose the best parts of myself.

Life just always seems so raw and dangerous.