Hello everyone! I'm a 18 years old girl that recently finished high school and that's going to start college soon.

I was diagnosed with GAD/depression when I was 15, and I've been on and off my meds since then. Last year, my mental health got a lot worse, that's when I started experiencing panic attacks for the first time in my life. I had bad intrusive thoughts that were triggering them, I got to the doctor multiple times because I thought I was dying or that something was extremely wrong with me. I started calming down once I've been put on an antipsychotic and on tegretol for a few months, until I turned 18. Then I started going physically to school again, and I began feeling bad again. I felt like I couldn't keep still in class for long, that I was going to have a panic attack any minute now, and for some reason, external stimuli made it a lot worse for me. The thing that helped me out was that I got back to online classes after a couple of months, until I finished my senior year of high school.

Now I'm gonna start college in a few weeks, and I'm so so scared that this will happen again. I have to move out as well, maybe living in a dorm or in an apartment with people I don't know personally. I can't afford going to therapy. I don't know how to cope with the stress, intrusive thoughts and panic attacks. I hate living in big cities because of the loud noises. The thought of going physically to class makes me sick to my stomach.

Can you guys give me any tips that could help me deal with all of this until I can afford going to my psychiatrist again? Anything — self help books, ways to cope with panic attacks, how to deal with agoraphobia and depression. I am so lost and scared right now, I just don't want to experience that level of stress ever again :(