(UK)

So I finally got an official diagnosis today, after going back and forth between GP and a CBT therapist that completely missed the point of me being there.

So, got sent to some professional diagnosis person, I guess, because I kept saying I wanted to be checked for BPD. Big shocker - yes, I have it.

And then...? Nothing. 'Keep up with CBT'. WHAT?!

Let me just point out right now - the CBT guy that I saw DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHAT BPD WAS when I mentioned it to him. He thought I meant bipolar. And then he brushed it off and went back to showing me CBT stuff that I've known and harnessed for years. I need more than that, damn it! And I need to be talking to someone who actually understands the disorder!

The impression I got was that because I'm high functioning, in theory, I don't require further help. Are you kidding me? This is a god damn slippery slope that I can feel myself falling down right this second. My disassociation is getting so much worse, for example. The other day I felt like me and my boyfriend were made up of melting skin. This afternoon I went home and sat in the bath, COMPLETELY zoned out for so long that by the time my boyfriend came and found me the water was ice cold and my extremities were blue. 

And yet, until this just gets worse and worse until I can't function anymore, the only service I get it basic CBT that I could probably recite in my sleep at this point.

GAHH!!!

Sorry. Just needed to get all of that out.