I’m in the middle of a breakdown and when I’m crying like this I usually say things without really realizing it and I caught myself saying to myself over and over “why can’t I fix myself, why can’t I fix myself” thinking about my breakup and loss of my FP (literally the most beautiful amazing person I’m convinced I will EVER meet, for the rest of my life) almost four months ago. It still tears me up every single night and I dream about him. I wish I could fix myself and I never drove him away and I wish that leaving me wasn’t the only way to “make things better”. I couldn’t fix myself for him I couldn’t fix my brain or my BPD (that I sometimes even doubt if it’s real, or if I’m just dramatic) to save any kind of relationship with the love of my life. I’ll never be the same.


Please don’t give me advice about the breakup it’s not what I want to hear at all. I just wanted to say this. 