To make a long story short: I was recently given a partial diagnosis by a psychiatrist, which isn’t the issue. The problem is that I have never - not even from day one - felt comfortable or heard by him. Each conversation leaves me feeling less understood and more frustrated than before. I want to reach out for a second opinion, hopefully from someone who actually gives me the time of day, but that’s when the self-doubt creeps in. 
I begin to worry that the problem is me. That somehow I’m the reason this isn’t working out. That my expectations are too high or unrealistic, and even if I went for a second opinion, the problems would persist.
And then I’m paralyzed.
Even when I remind myself that communication is something I excel at, that it’s my psychiatrist’s job to understand me (not my job to make myself simpler for him to understand), and that I have every right to seek another’s assistance if my current practitioner is not providing the support I need, the spiral of fears and invasive thoughts persists. 
The “what if’s” and ”I should’s” have even made me question whether my problems are real, or just a form of attention seeking. 
I’m not sure what terrifies me more: having a professional tell me that I’m just making it all up, or being officially labelled with a complex mental health condition.