I've been doing this for more than half my life now. I'm so incredibly tired. For 6 years, I had a therapist who could only see me only once every 2-3 months. He would bring up painful issues like trauma and then leave me alone for 2-3 months. Every time the session would be over and he would leave, I experienced it as someone abandoning me. I would be a mess and I ended up cutting myself into pieces. 


Now I have access to weekly appointments with a great therapist who very clearly speaks my language and understands how BPD works. But... it feels like it came too late. I'm done. I'm tired, more tired than I have ever been in my life and I don't think I can get up again. I find it hard to hold onto hope.  I think that this is it for me, I don't think I'm going to be able to get up this time. 

I've fallen down way too many times... I think this may be it and I don't know what to do. I think this is it for me. how do I tell anyone that. How do I strive for a different future...