 I was diagnosed with bpd early last year and I've basically been psychoanalyzing myself ever since (with the help of psychiatrists, therapists and other patients of course.) Recently, like within the past three weeks, I've started to realize that in some ways I'm kind of narcissistic. 

For example, I have always hated the way I look, I've always been really insecure about my body and my face in particular, due to the horrible acne I had as a teen and into my late 20's. When I was 29 I did two courses of accutane and cleared my skin up. Today you could probably never tell I'd ever had acne. I always thought I would feel better, but instead, I just found new things to hate on. My squared jaw (which I feel makes me look like a man) and my nose are the new things I hate about myself. I cover my face with my hair because it hides my big square man jaw. 

Now I know we're all our worst critics and that everyone has their issues, but where I feel it's narcissism for me is that because I'm not perfect I believe I'm not worthy. I can't stand that I'm not perfect, because being less than perfect simply means I'm not deserving of love. 

And I judge others for their imperfections as well, but I'm usually less harsh. "Yeah, that girl is a little overweight but she's still really pretty." I don't think that a few extra pounds makes her unworthy of love... but my neanderthal jaw means that I should be excluded from the gene pool indefinitely.

It's mostly a standard I hold for myself rather than others. I think it's a little narcissistic though, to believe that I'm somehow exceptional. 

Maybe I'm like an incel. I realize my personality disorder is probably a bigger barrier to relationships than any physical flaw, but I'm gonna blame my looks just cuz it's easier.

Anyway, I'm done rambling for now. I decided to post this because, well, it's been on my mind today but I have no one to discuss it with right now so I figured I'd just post it here and see what kind of feedback I get.