I'm 34f undiagnosed BPD, undergoing evaluation with therapist. My husband 28m is I believe is HFA (formally named Aspergers). I don't know if the background of mental diagnosis helps or not. 

We've been together 8yrs. 
When our relationship is good, it's great. We rarely argue. When it's bad, I'm the one who sees the issues and he misses the point. When I try to have deep conversations, his topics go off point and WAY out into left field...usually not in the same field.

I've been wanting to go to counseling to improve our communication, since Jan this year. We've tried a counselor in July due to my therapist making the referral and initial appointment. The couples therapist cancelled 2/3 appointments so my husband didn't want to go back. He wasn't really on board bc he doesn't see the need, but went bc I wanted to go. 

I understand things and he doesn't get it... even when I break them down, so I either let it go or I leave. When I go to leave, he says he understands and wants the relationship to get better and he's on board with the changes. He will for a little while but then things go back. It's a reoccurring cycle and it's driving me insane.

 And when I think we're good, something happens and I am reminded all over again that this isn't going to change. It's who he is, and it's who I am. I'm to the point that it's exhausting and pointless to stay in this marriage. 

For context of some of the "issues" here's a story of most recent incident: 
One evening, my 15m son had his girlfriend in his room (his brother 13m was in there too). My husband had an issue with this. My point was they're not alone, so I don't see the problem. He didn't agree with me but he dropped the subject. 
A little while later, I ask him if he ever wants to have a baby with me bc I'm not getting any younger. If not then I'll check into getting my tubes tied. He said he wouldn't want to have a baby with me because of the things I allow (the gf in basement). Which I internalized it as my parenting style. Side note, this wasn't first time he's disagreed with my parenting style. 
 I became upset and told him since he obviously has issues with my parenting, he has for some time now, and I think it's best to divorce. I left to go talk to my best friend until 2am. When I returned he said I'm sorry, I do want to have a baby with you. 
Yep, completely missed the point. 
Next day when he got off work, he called me. He asked if I had a good day. I said no, he asked why. I said why do you think I didn't have a good day? He said bc you didn't get enough sleep. 
Yep, completely missed it again. 
It's like this all the time. Am I breaking my own heart by thinking we are a good fit and can make it work?