Sorry for how long and rambly this will likely be, I just really need to get a lot this off my chest. This person is meant to be my best friend, hence this hasn't been an overnight thing for me, literally been the realisation of several months. But I'm just finding it super hard as I don't know if I'm going crazy and that my BPD is just making me think this is toxic, or if this person is legitimately bad for me. Posted this to r/relationship_advice but can't seem to crosspost, and I would like the opinions of people who also suffer from BPD because I feel like people will better understand why I am just so lost right now. I just feel so defeated and confused.

TLDR: have realised best friend has a history of being really condescending and belittling to others, cannot stand it when people are doing "better" than them and just super two-faced in general. I recently got a job and this shit has hit a whole new level and they're just now on a rampage, talking shit about me to everyone.

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This person has been my best mate for past couple of years in college, let’s call them Jamie. In the last couple of years, I would say I probably have seen/hung out/studied with them 80% of those days, it’s slightly ridiculous how much we saw each other. We clicked well and had a lot of fun.

At college, Jamie has been pretty popular, every pretty much universally likes them. I also know from people who went to Jamie’s high school that they were absolutely hated by everyone for being arrogant and just annoying as fuck, and I know that Jamie no longer keeps in contact/talks to/hangs out with any high school mates. I knew of this three years ago, but I just brushed it off as just how some people aren’t the best in high school, which is so fine.

For the past three years, they have been pretty good such as studying with me, talking shit as college students do or us going on many nights out, or driving me home if I needed a lift occasionally, that sort of thing. Jamie is pretty well-known for being really well-rounded and good at a lot of things - maintaining a high GPA while working out every second day, having a part-time job at an extremely reputable firm that people aspire to be in when they graduate, having a good social life and all of that.

However, in the past year, I have started to notice some shit.

a) I have realised every single person Jamie is good friends with is “less” accomplished than her. Jamie is always friends with people who constantly don’t have their shit together (aka me until recently) and that she can give “advice” to. She is never close with people who are “more” accomplished than they are.

b) Every time I have expressed admiration for a friend who has a better job, better marks, whatever, Jamie’s face turns so fucking sour. I noticed it once, but brushed it off. But then I kept and kept on noticing it - every fucking time.

c) In the past, I didn’t really piece it together at the time, but Jamie will constantly make justifications for themselves. For example, their marks are pretty high and definitely impressive, but they’re not the best of the best. One of our friends has some of the highest marks, has a job at a top 5 firm in the industry and competes internationally in college case competitions. Ages ago, Jamie was going on to me “you don’t even need case competitions to get a job” and before said person got a job “well, their mummy and daddy pays their college fees so of COURSE they can get high marks”. It was just in such a horrible tone, and was so nasty and left such a sour taste in my mouth; their inability to just be happy for said person, but again, I just brushed it off, thinking they were having a bad day. But I’ve realised a lot of their comments are very self-justifying.

d) But, these comments kept on coming. Jamie was talking about their ex best friend (who was morbidly obese) from high school, being like “yeah we were best friends, but they were SO horrible they talked so badly about me, they were super jealous that I was valedictorian and got hookups and was skinny”. What the actual fuck? I note that when I am making judgments about who is “less” or “more” accomplished than they are, it is in the eyes of Jamie’s values (one of them being hating fat people with a burning passion). Perhaps the ex friend was jealous, but judging from about 7 accounts of people who went to the same school as Jamie telling me that Jamie was a legit douchebag, and the fact that Jamie just clams up every time anyone brings up high school, I’m inclined to believe the latter.

e) At college, again, they’re known as being so nice. Jamie consistently reiterates to everyone they meet that they don’t care for drama and don’t talk badly about others and they hate that sort of stuff. But yet I was inundated daily with them talking SO much shit about everyone under the sun, literally messaging me paragraphs and paragraphs about people, and then seeing them being like “HEY MAN WHAT’S UP” later the same day when they see them in class.

f) When I have introduced Jamie to friends in the past, literally almost all of them make a comment to me afterwards being like “oh wow they like to flex don’t they”, and comments on those lines. Which now that I listen to those conversations, it’s them being like “yeah I’ve done this and this and this”.

g) With the whole “being nice” thing, I have realised they don’t seem to have an understanding for why their high school career left them with no friends despite being accomplished. So I’ve really realised now that they are DESPERATE to maintain friends and has built this whole persona to serve this. Jamie drops classes if a person they are friends with drops, they will move ALL appointments whether it’d be work or family around just to hang out with people they want to be friends with FOR ONE HOUR, they will go out of their way to do things even if it means they get fucked over tremendously. I thought Jamie was just dedicated, but now I’m like this is fucking stupid, like the lengths they have gone to just to make sure they are friends with people is absolutely ABSURD, NO normal person does that. It’s weird though - it’s one of those things where everyone is like “oh my god they’re so nice love them!” and they’ll get invited to parties and whatever, but Jamie doesn’t really commandeer people’s respect if that makes sense? Like people have in the past, which I’ve seen myself, asked them for XYZ whether it’d be notes or whatever, but they won’t reciprocate 90% of the time. Like they’re well-liked, but it’s the thing with “nice” people, you don’t respect their time and effort because you know no matter what they’ll pull through for you again.

h) And from this, comes me. So I’ve had an interesting time with college, some good marks and some horrible marks. But in the past year I got my shit together and landed myself a job. Jamie now does the whole thing where they ask you about your job, or whatever, not to hear your answer, but just to one up you. So that’s been going on and that’s fun - I don’t care to boast like it’s a small place I’m just happy I won’t be unemployed, but fuck me dead it’s always about them them them and just trying to be like “WELL, I do…”. Then last year, I had a lot of personal shit going on, stuff was absolutely fucked back at home. I was distant from everyone because I just needed a lot of time to myself to figure stuff out. They KNEW this. Instead of checking up, they message me several times being like “you’re acting weird, you never see me anymore” and shit like that. It was about all about how THEY were affected by my prolonged absences and upset THEY were. Nothing about how I was doing or feeling, just about how their life was fucking affected. Like I am sorry I am not chatting to you 24/7 at home but when family members are dying and disputes are involving the police I quite frankly don’t care and don’t have time for your gossip about other people or time to go have lunch with others. And now I know they’ve gone super petty, having lunches deliberately without me and bitching to me behind my back to friends. Like what? I literally EXPLAINED that shit was hitting the fan and that it wasn’t personal and just needed space from everyone in general. But as a result of their behaviour, this is when I started to realise all this shit, and now I’m getting piiiiissssseeed. In particular, I know they have struggled with depression in the past which has now been resolved, and I’ve had pretty severe issues with mental health myself that are ongoing. But during this asshole period they’re currently in where they’re pretending to act nice to my face but also being sly, they were like at a party where I was in the conversation “yuck depression is so weird”. What the fuck?

Everyone thinks this person is nice. But because I have spent a disproportionate amount of time with this person, which I know is EASILY at least 1,000 thousand hours more than their next closest person no exaggeration, I swear it seems like I have “evidence” of this and I feel seriously crazy.

In the past, I have cut out many people I’m not afraid to do so - some of them I correctly identified as extremely toxic people, others I know I fucked up a bit and I was just blowing it out of proportion with my Borderline Personality Disorder, which can cause people to distort their relationships, etc. if you don’t already know. But I cannot shake the feeling that I am just there for Jamie’s fucking ego boost and for them to feel popular because I’ve realised they talk to everyone in this rather condescending tone and have literally never witnessed a conversation with them really genuinely appraising someone who has had a “better” achievement than she has; I just look back and realise how belittling some of their comments have been. I’m literally so done with their behaviour right now, but does this seem toxic? Or am I just being dramatic? Let me know if you need more, I literally have probably around about a hundred incidents similar to the ones I’ve mentioned.