I've always had problems concentrating on things even when they are extremely important, like studying and exams. recently, I couldn't even concentrate during the exam and just kept daydreaming, but somehow I could keep answering the questions even when I'm daydreaming intensely, its almost like I'm on autopilot.

I've also had problems looking ppl in the eye no matter who it is (friends, teachers, parents etc). I always fiddle my hands no matter what I'm doing or where i am (gripping my thumb, caressing my other hand while sitting, tapping fingers etc) and I always put my left hand up while walking or standing (back of hand facing forward, arm at 90 degrees on ribs height). I could only 'look' at ppl in the eye when I have to using a technique my teacher taught me for presentations and speech festivals (looking at forehead). 

I only daydream so I can stop myself from panicking due to thinking ppl is staring at me and stuff and I play music in my head since it calms me down.

when I start panicking i usually check my heartbeat (upper neck under chin/ left side under the left palm) so I would know when to try and calm myself down in case of my face turning red and getting attention.

had problems socializing at young age and is often offended at minor things when I was young. i also had quite extreme online stalking tendencies to check if my 'friends' are staying loyal to me or not before. I dealt with both by simply not caring at all so it wouldn't affect me or anybody else anymore.

moods changes weekly, I can be talkative last week and avoid socializing at all costs the next week.

also has problem socializing now since I don't wanna get too close with ppl in case things go south (betrayal, fake friends)

I basically became a nihilist to control my quite extreme and weird tendencies.

has a habit of doing mmpi tests and random tests online for fun, I answer genuinely but I didn't really care about the results knowing I won't fix them anyways.
p.s.: scored a 55 on psychopathic deviate on the mmpi recently.


my mind just floats into a bunch of random conclusions.