You know how you think about breathing and you become self aware that you are and suddenly it feels hard to breath and you can’t stop focusing on it? (Sorry if I just made you do it lol) I feel like Iv been doing that but with everything. My breathing, my heart beating, my blood pumping, my brain functioning, my eye sight, my hearing, and basically my whole existence. I feel very self aware of just how fragile I am at all times and I feel like I could just drop dead any moment. I don’t really feel like a real person anymore. I feel like life is just a hallucination and everything is a figment of my imagination. Relationships and conversation don’t feel real or genuine anymore, every aspect and fact of life feels made up and opinionated and petty. Nothing is special, nothing firm, nothing matters like I thought it all did was a kid. I feel so lost and alone and like I’m just stuck in a dark corner all the time that no one else can see and I’m just so tired. I don’t know if I’m anxious or depressed or a little bit of both. I blame my recent loss of faith, past trauma, and drug use for putting me the mental rut that I’m stuck in now and I don’t know how to rebuild myself with new reinforcements and be ok again. I just want to feel real again, and happy again, and like I myself and life itself has a purpose. I’m just so tired and I’m tired of being tired.