As someone with bpd i struggle heavily with splitting in all aspects of my life. I also have disorganized or fearful avoidant attachment style. This causes me to instinctively “leave someone before they can leave me”. I hate doing this because all i really want is love so i’ll often regret the decision and go back to them when i split or see their actually leaving. However because of this constant run-chase loop i find that those people who could actually ground me in a stable relationship get put off whereas those who have manipulative or specifically narcissistic tendencies often get a high from this chase and then obsess over it.The phrase “you’re like a drug to me” is often heard and to be compared to something “that you know is horrible for you but so addictive” is heartbreaking but keeps me in these toxic relationships. That’s the thing with BPD we are very much aware of the issues and occurrences, it’s just so hard to control/change.