So I just saw something today that really made me start to wonder.

I have been recovering some, trying really hard to work on active communication vs just reacting. For example "please don't do that, I don't like that" instead of melting down about how the person doesn't care about me and is being mean to me etc. Today, my husband makes a joke about cheating. Now, I know its a joke, but I don't like these jokes, and  I have been telling him repeatedly that they hurt my feelings and to please stop. So I say 
"hey, please don't make jokes like that"  
And he continues to joke about some stupid thing about "hoes" so I start to get upset and say that I have asked him to not make jokes like that and he sighs and rolls his eyes and says "ok cut it out, I just... cant" and turns away from me. 

Now I wanted to lose it because its like I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG. but no, I did not lose it. I walked away and was quietly cleaning the house.
 He comes up to me and asks "are you really that upset?" He seems to actuslly care so I say yes I am, that I have been genuine with him and told him how those jokes make me feel and that he isn't respecting my feelings. I ask him if I'm making sense and he says no its just a joke, just chill etc. 

Now this is the part where I start to feel like I am being set up. He starts sighing and rolling his eyes at me, being dismissive of my feelings and saying "I just didn't want to do THIS" meanwhile the whole time I have been calm, just talking, not reacting strongly at all. Very composed. So I start watching his reactions and he is treating me the same way he would if I was totally losing it. Like, acting like I  being ridiculous and I am dragging things out and making something out of nothing. So I say "ok that's all, I'm done" he walks away and I start thinking about what happened step by step. 

 He kept saying he "didn't want to do this" and "why does it always have to be this" but... I had already walked away at the beginning and he approached me, and apparently was not trying to mend anything, just trying to antagonize me for being upset. I really started looking at it and it seemed like HE was the one dragging it out and blowing it up. I continually just said "I really don't like those jokes, I've asked you not to say them, please don't do it anymore" at no point did I blow up or overreact but he was keeping the conversation going and continually trying to act like I was dragging him into something he didn't want to be part of.

It feels like he WANTED me to react strongly and melt down, so he could be the one saying "see look how unreasonable this reaction is".

Does anyone else find that people seem to like, lead you into a meltdown intentionally so that they can victimize themselves or maybe just be the one "in the right". ?