Hello all,

I wanted to throw out an very scary experience I had over this weekend.

for reference, my depression is from loneliness, I have anxiety and aspergers which makes it impossible to find a girlfriend, while I've got plenty of colleagues at work that say they care and "miss" me but no one ever talks to me outside of work, it sucks that I have to reach out every single time if I want to go out.

So after a failed suicide attempt by overdose about 2 months ago my mental health has been extremely low.

I really wanted to go to the London comic con, I invited all of my "friends" but no one could make it so I went alone, I already messed up immediately as I forgot I booked the wrong days for my hotel meaning I had no place to sleep for the first night which lead to an insanely stressful first day as I scrambled to find somewhere, eventually I found a room from airbnb which I have never used before.

nothing of note happened on day 2, I tried going to a bar as there was a party at the hotel i was staying at but I ended up just sitting there for an hour, just a lot of mixed emotions.

On day 3 I was extremely tired so I missed most of the comic cons panels as I went to sleep, eventually I went to a local shop to get some drinks and food, when I came back .... it happened ....

I started crying uncontrollably, I was suicidal, I kept wailing "I can't do it anymore, I don't wanna be here anymore. some please save me" over and over again, this happened for at least an hour.

after I calmed down I just couldn't move, I was sitting on the floor of my hotels bathroom and wanted to get up to get to my bed but couldn't physically move for at least 10 minutes, I eventually managed to crawl , yes I CRAWLED on the floor (also the plumbing didn't work in my room as well so my floor was kinda soggy after a shower I took in the morning) and again it took me like 10 minutes to get to my bed where I had to call the HUB and eventually an ambulance.

The usual happened afterwards, I visited a crisis team in London, they asked me questions, I answered blah blah blah .... eventually after being really tired I went back to my hotel and slept for a couple of hours until I got a lift home from my mum back home, Unfortunately my mum hates London and hates driving through as she just doesn't "understand" how the road works, this made her extremely stressed out and she took it all out on me, Instead of going home I asked to go to the Kettering UCAT crisis team which is my local crisis team ( I had an appointment made when I visited the London crisis team).

I'm going to be honest, The crisis team in Kettering were awful, I'm sorry I don't want to be mean but they were absolutely awful, they asked me a couple of questions gave me some leaflets and just sent me on my marry way! even though I was clearly distraught, I started crying uncontrollably again, couldn't move again and yet they kept telling me " you need to leave we have another appointment" I've never felt such "carelessness" from any mental health place I've been to before.

When I eventually came home I want to bed as I was still extremely tired ... I slept for 16 hours after that.

and thats it.

just for some clarification, I do have a private therapist which I find useful and I visit the local crisis mind cafe which I find most useful.

sorry for the long post