I’m 23 (f), I’ve been diagnosed with depression in the past but stopped taking my medication 6 years ago. I was doing good for awhile until I lost my parents. Ever since then, I feel like I’m not in control of my emotions. Some days I feel like there’s hope and I feel motivated to work and go back to school. Other days, I feel like what’s the point? We’re all gonna die anyway so what does it matter? I’m struggling in my relationship currently. Some days when he doesn’t give me the attention I feel I deserve I completely lose it and say really hurtful things. The sad part is I don’t mean any of them but in that moment it’s like I mean every hurtful thing I said. I hate to put someone I love through this emotional roller coaster. Yesterday I slept for 3 hours and worked a 12 hour shift. I haven’t been to sleep yet and I work again in 4 hours. I’m not tired at all. I didn’t eat today I just consumed a bunch of caffeine but when I tried to eat, I had no appetite. I’ve been in crying spells for the last 2 days. I’ve been arguing with my boyfriend because he went to see his friends for a night after being with me all week. Can anyone explain how to control these emotions? Is it normal to want to spend money for temporary happiness when sad? I take myself on vacations regularly ever since my parents passed I told myself I was gonna live my life to the fullest. The problem is when I’m manic I make stupid impulsive decisions without any plans for the consequences. I spend money even though my long term goal is to save. It’s like all my plans go down the drain if I feel like I’m having fun or the moment is worth it. Are these normal emotions for someone with bipolar type one or two?


Feeling lost.