Apologies if anyone finds 'histrionic' problematic, haven't found a good substitute. I have incredible difficulty trying to keep myself from constantly expressing my negative emotions to anyone--roommates, friends, coworkers, people on the street or on the train. I want EVERYBODY just to know how miserable I am and how much I am straight-up not having a good time with life. I fantasize about wearing shirts that say "Suicide" or "I Hate Life" or "Wish I Wasn't Born" or even painting similar things on my nails. I want to shove it all down everyone's throats because I crave that kind of attention. It's so bad that I fantasize about walking into a public area, complaining about how much I loathe existence with a gun to my head just to get people's rapt attention. I have always been a sensitive person growing up, a heart-on-my-sleeve type, and all my negative fears and traumas churn inside me, building up pressure, and I just want to let them out. I'm not happy, and even though I know that a lot of people struggle as well beneath their face facades, I don't understand how they keep going on. This is why I love my self-harm scars--they're physical proof to others that I'm not fucking around, I SERIOUSLY DESPISE LIFE.