I'm a teenager and I look at everyone around me and I feel so behind in life. How are people so motivated to do all the things they do? These kids are so involved, they're presidents of clubs or part of a program... I got nothing in my life. I have no driver's license so I spend all day holed up in my room, my grades will never make up for the semester I failed because of my depressive episode last year, and I dont think anyone will ever be attracted to my personality, romantically or platonically, because I just can't be happy and bubbly. I sometimes find myself boring other people and it really eats at me because I have this constant need to be entertaining to others or I'm worthless. The kids in my classes are these special breed of toxic positivity gymrat vsco girl and it makes me want to claw my eyes out. All they do is talk about the beach trips they took with their friends to because they got their driver's license 6 months ago, all the cute clothes they buy from the money they earn at work, those stupid fucking Crumble cookies, the cute shit they do with their head-over-heels in love boyfriends over the weekend. But I'm also jealous of how healthy and productive they are. They volunteer, they get great grades, they have a social life, and are involved in the community. They are socially adept, inquisitive, bubbly, and energetic. If not then they're witty and clear-headed, and able to control themselves.  I quit my job and so far, I've got nothing but school, homework, a few clubs I orbit, and zero social life. I've also got "former gifted kid" syndrome and feel the pressure to succeed in everything despite no work ethic and no motivation.

I think it all comes down to the fact I don't see myself having a future in anything. Finding a job, having kids, going to college just seems meaningless to me because I don't think I'll ever have the motivation to succeed. People who are less fortunate than me deserve my place because they can actually work hard. I can't do anything.