I just don’t want to live anymore. I’m not suicidal or anything I don’t think I could ever actual kill my self, but I just feel sad all the time. And what I hate is as soon as I feel better it upsets me because I don’t want to be happy, I want the sadness….

I work as a care assistant for all the elderly and I work 12 shifts 6/7 times a week because I’m just tired of not doing anything. If I’m not working I’m just sat in my room thinking and I think people don’t understand that it’s not easy to be autistic and have adhd. I always act fine but when someone asks how I have so much energy, I don’t, I just keep going because anything is better than being trapped in a room with your thoughts. I hate my family I hate my work I hate who I am I hate everything n the worse thing is I have a loving girlfriend who just doesn’t know about any of it and Im not going to tell her because she has her own mental issues. I just needed to vent somewhere. thanks for listening.