EDIT: this turned into a rant, go to second to bottom paragraph for actual questions

I got diagnosed after having my first hypomanic episode this year (previously I had been diagnosed w depression), and it’s made medication compliance harder, mostly because I want to be hypomanic again even though I know it’s bad.

I got put on new meds and they made me sleep so much. I was not a functional person, I couldn’t be awake more than a couple hours without taking another long nap. I stopped for a couple days and started to have really intense symptoms I usually get at the height of a mixed episode. (I’ve since had another med added that’s made the tiredness more manageable) I also have to take that med right before bed with a whole bunch of food, and given how much I eat in the day when I am hungry, having to eat a meal in the middle of the night when I’m full is probably adding to my weight gain. And this med was specifically prescribed to stop me from being (hypo)manic.

I know it’s bad to want to be hypomanic but I do! I know I did things I regret last time but I also felt amazing. Now I feel like shit with the added bonus of losing several weeks to sleeping, withdrawal symptoms that felt like I was losing my mind, and an uncomfortable eating schedule. 

Has anyone dealt with wanting to be manic but also trying to stay committed to treatment? How do you deal with it, and what do you tell yourself to make (hypo)mania seem less desirable? Have you found any way to make non-(hypo)mania feel less dull? 

[Also, I know my experience with hypomania was different from the terrible, life ruining episodes others have had. That definitely colors this post, and I  also know my next (hypo)manic episode could be much less “fun”, which is guess is another reason to keep taking my meds]