 I created this account to tell my story and by the time any of you guys read this I will be dead. I have been suffering from gastritis for a good 2 and a half years. The symptoms started a little before the pandemic and composed of intense abdominal pain, awful nausea and vomiting, and multiple trips to the ER. Due to COVID it was hard to schedule some appointments but nontheless I was able to have monthly checkups regarding my gastritis. I had the full treatment: an endoscopy, MRI, CT scan, colonoscopy etc. and the doctors came to the conclusion that I was suffering from severe gastritis. The doctor prescribed protonix as well as some other medications that were to help with the pain that was caused by gastritis. The medications made a small difference for maybe about 6 months but after that the recovery was stagnant and all the endoscopies I've had over the years have shown little to no improvement. The affect that this disease has on my life is abysmal and its been effecting every aspect of my life. I have constant gastric pains all the time and its destroyed my mood and motivations to do absolutely anything. I've tried doing all sorts of diets and cutting all kinds of foods out but sadly not a single one of them seems to make any difference whatsoever. I have severe depression caused by this and no amount of anti depressants or psychiatric help has made enough of a difference to make me feel mentally stable. I also have extreme erectile dysfunction, which the doctor decided was caused severe stomach upset. Viagra and other ed medications have made almost difference in helping my erections due to the fact my libido has been absolutely tarnished and anytime I do force myself to jerk off and ejaculate (which I can barely get any erections from) my stomach hurts like absolute hell. Its also affected my love life as well, my fiance has left me due to the fact that I haven't been able to sexually satisfy her under any circumstances. Me and her are on good terms but she has told me while she understands what I'm going through, she needs to have some sexual satisfaction in her life which I haven't been able to do for her. This has absolutely devastated me because everything was going so well in our relationship and we were both super excited to get married, but ever since this diagnosis everything turned to shit and I haven't been able to feel happiness like a normal person anymore. I try to go outside and do things that I enjoy and while they bring me some joy and comfort, it just isn't enough to help relieve the constant pain that this gastritis has caused me; gastritis has ruined my life. I am not the same person I was physically, I am not the same person I was mentally, and I think that whatever disease I have would have gone on for the rest of my life because it. I have tried every method in the book to try to help heal this awful disease, but the constant pain, nausea, vomiting, and depression will not go away. The worst part about all of this is that I have people who genuinely care about me and would be devastated to know what happened to me, but honestly I can't force myself to live in pain and misery just so they'll be happy. I'm really sorry it had to end this way, I would have loved to see what kind of life I could've lived if things had turned out differently. I would've been married with kids with an amazing family and great friends and been having the time of my life with everything I could possibly want. But sadly I'll never get to experience that, and even if I fail through with this plan I would not be able to ever achieve any kind of happiness in life anyway, so living seems absolutely pointless. I want everyone whos reading this to know that not everyones situation regarding anything they have going in life is going to turn out like this, a lot of people do end up getting better whether it be physically or mentally or both. Sadly I am not one of those people and whatever kind of God there is has punished me for simply being alive and now I have hit absolute rock bottom. I don't know what kind of message I'm hoping to convey with this post, and I don't know what type of impact it will have on anyone, but I wanted to say my last thoughts before I sadly depart from this world. Goodbye everyone.