Hello everyone, as the title says I’m trying to educate myself and have a better understanding of some of the symptoms a person with BPD experiences for the sake of being able to be a good bf and help where I can. 

So I’ve started seeing this girl and I really like her, she has been very upfront about her mental struggles and I have tried my best to understand but having not even heard of bpd before seeing her it’s been a lot to take in. 

She has an extensive past of drug abuse and self harm. since I’ve been with her the drug abuse has been continuing despite her having been to rehab a few months ago. She mostly uses cocaine but also Ketamine and then Dexedrine and Ativan that are prescribed to her. 

I would like to see her get away from the cocaine mostly as I can tell it impacts her when she comes down from it and into the following day. I don’t want to make it an ultimatum or anything because it’s something she needs to decide to do on her own. I’ve tried to encourage her to eat healthy foods, work out with me, go for walks together and shared some of my coping mechanisms for dealing with life to clear my 
mind. 

We’ve both been very open with each other and shared our struggles, thoughts and feelings without judgement or repercussion. I feel like this is a healthy way to have an open dialogue without fear of causing problems. She has had a past of abuse from her mother and past romantic partners verbal and physical and I can see it has an affect on some parts of our time together. I have been trying to take the issues as they arise and just reassure her or comfort her essentially just be there and understand her struggle to the best of my abilities. It’s not always easy and I don’t expect it to be but I care deeply for her and want to better my understanding so I can help guide her to healthier coping mechanisms. 

I’ve noticed when we get intimate she will often dissociate halfway through and so we stop and cuddle. She has expressed that it bothers her a lot and she feels bad even though I’ve reassured her it’s totally okay. She just wants to be able to have a normal romantic relationship but I feel like her past partners sexual and verbal abuse are causing her to dissociate perhaps. I don’t know how else I can help.. 

She has also dealt with a great deal of bad experiences these past few weeks. Firstly one of her friends took his life which hit her pretty hard. Then covid shut down her place of employment so she no longer has that to occupy her time and take her mind off life. Then just a few days ago her aunts dog was put down and she was there in the final moments. It seems now she is trying to use cocaine as a means of coping with all the traumas but ultimately it makes things worse. 

I guess I’m just hoping to find some way I can help guide her to a better path and introduce healthier coping strategies. Any input or feedback would be greatly appreciated. I know this is a very long post so if you’ve made it this far thank you for your time and consideration.