a lot of times something upsets her (disagreeing, i didn’t think about what i was saying enough, i hurt her feelings, she doesn’t like the outcome or what i’m saying, it’s about a topic that she’s sensitive about, etc) and i’ll want to keep the conversation going. 

for example, i’m in grad school and she doesn’t like it. her last relationship was fucked up by grad school and she just doesn’t like the grad school lifestyle. i said today that there was legislation that would make US universities have a certain %age tenured faculty and that this was exciting because it would make getting a good job easier for me. her mood changed really hard and i knew it was about what i said and i wanted to know why because my career choice affects both of us and i felt like if i’m going to go into academia as a career i want to know what she thinks. she kept pushing it off and saying nothing was wrong and then she said she didn’t want to talk about it but i just wanted to know what she felt and i wanted to have this conversation and really the only way we’ll ever have it is for me to make us have it. 

another time today she asked if we should be not letting unvaccinated people into the ER and ti have rooms there and i said yes and we both had back and forth because she disagreed. then she said “you’re inconsistent. you have sympathy for people that don’t deserve it and no sympathy for people that do” and i asked “who do i not have sympathy for that deserves it?” and she said she didn’t have any examples but she knows i did and then she was frustrated and said “ i knew you were going to ask about that” and i said “i just wanted to know when u did that” and then she was mad that i kept it going for too long. 

i want to let her drop conversations but it feels like if i don’t keep them going i’ll never get a word in about my opinions and stuff like my career and our life together just won’t be talked about. do y’all have any advice? i’m really not sure what to do