I don’t know how I feel, I don’t know how to describe it and it don’t know how to talk about it. I want to, I want people to understand, to relate so I don’t feel so alone. I’d like friends who understood whatever it is that I’m going through instead of dropping me instead because I’m too exhausted. It feels like everyone is going too fast and I’m going a bit too slow. It feels like I don’t quite connect here, there’s no true place for me here but I can and do just try to force myself in, so that I can feel wanted even if I’m truly not. I hate knowing that really it won’t get better, I’ll just get used to it and be able to cope with it a bit more. I don’t want to just exist. I wish I was a normal stupid teenager. I wish it was easier to die.