I am so lost. I’m 21 years old and my entire life has revolved around my mental illness and trauma. Hell, I even completed a 4 year degree in psychology and plan to attend grad school to become a therapist. My entire life is based off of my mental health. I feel so lost. I lost my dad when I was 12, my mother when I was 16, and my grandmother (who helped raise me) just last year. I have no siblings. I feel like all my family is dead. I’m not a normal 21 year old. I work a job that I hate and I feel stuck in it, I feel if I leave then I’ll be losing a professional resource I could use to higher achieve my career goals. I don’t have hobbies, I don’t have friends, and everything I do in efforts to be happy or have fun always end up making me not happy. For example… if I feel like going to a park would be a fun experience, I would go and wish I would have just stayed home. I feel like my life is a never-ending circle of laundry piling up, dishes in the sink, and going to work. I feel so drained all the time and can’t even complete normal, everyday tasks without being exhausted. I want to make more of my life and be HAPPY, but I don’t know what that will even take. I just feel like a stupid, ugly, depressing mess. I’m fucking over my life at this point and often think to myself if I have to feel like this forever then living just isn’t worth it (although I have never planned or tried to commit). I am just tired and exhausted living my life the way I am. I know I’m young, and I know I could eventually feel better, I just don’t know how. I have no idea where to begin and how to stop the hell that is going on inside of me. I’m so tired.