Am I being over dramatic, or is it ok that this bothers me. Especially since it was “normal” in the 80s and 90s, but my therapist has shown me how much it’s affected me. I can’t even say/write/hear the word “spanking” without my skin crawling. I only call hit “hitting” or “beating”, since that’s what it is. 

My parents hit for everything. There was no other punishment. Not even for just being bad, it was for inconveniencing them in any way. Both parents did it. My dad did it the most. He’d usually use his hand and hot as hard as possible for a long time. Sometimes on the seat of my pants and often bare assed. There was no trying not to cry with him. Into my early teen I got the belt a few times.

Everything I did was wrong. I grow up thinking that today. I got bullied all through school, so I could do no right there. I ended up with zero self esteem and a people pleaser. I constantly feel unliked and that I’m being judged. 

 Certain memories of beating still haunt me. As an adult, I’m terrified of confrontation. I’m even afraid to make noise. If someone gets mad at me at all, I crumble. 

My parents today still act as of it’s nothing. Tell stories to my kids like nothing. They repeat them to me and it triggers memories and anxiety. I don’t consider myself abused though and I feel like I’m making something out of nothing. Is it ok to be bothered by was was normal practice back then? Does anyone really care? Probably not.