If this is against the rules, I'm sorry. I'm not looking for a diagnosis or anything like that. 

At first, I was hurt. On some level, I still feel that way, but I know it wasn't with malicious intent so I shouldn't be. 

All of the symptoms resonate on some level with me, and that's what messes me up the most. I can't get any sort of diagnosis at the moment, as my mother cancelled my first therapist appointment and refuses to schedule another. 

Is there anything I can to do manage behavior and keep my thought in check for BPD symptoms? (with or without a diagnosis, I still have most of the thought patterns it seems)

This is partially a rant of emotion and partially asking for advice.