I just finished university, got a very well paying job, have my own apartment in the city center, my own car, loving family who would do anything for me and despite all that, I can't help but feel like shit. I have such high expectations for myself that it's driving me insane. I always feel like I'm not good enough despite all of my accomplishments. Nothing gives me joy anymore and everyday feels the same. It's been like this for two years, but since I graduated it got so much worse. Today I was thinking about all this and started crying uncontrollably. I don't even remember the last time I cried and this sudden burst of emotion was very surprising for me. I did feel a tiny bit better after.

No one in my family or friend circle knows about this. I feel exhausted from acting happy around everyone, but also don't want them to know my true state, because everyone has their own problems and I would just feel like a burden. Also, I know how hard it can be to be around someone who has a severe mental illness... it takes a toll on you and there comes a point where you have to prioritize your own well-being (no matter how much you love them). 

I'm scared of losing my friends, of ending up alone and unwanted, of disappointing anyone. I know I should go to therapy, but my fucked up brain is telling me that I'm weak if I do so. A person in my position has no right to feel this way and I feel like I'm just a privileged princess.

Don't really know the point of this post... I guess I just wanted to vent.