As we have spent the past few weeks talking about this diagnosis (something she had been working towards for months) I’ve had a bit of a sigh of relief, helping me every so slightly understand what has been troubling me. Though now that we are working towards this, and I’m trying to find my patterns, I’ve only become more hopeless and starting to have glorifying thoughts of suicide (to clarify, These aren’t thoughts of following through, just the idea of how much better it would be.)

Now that I just started a new job, getting away from Amazon and feeling morally shot out by them, I find myself back in a kitchen after over a year and I’m starting to realize how much stress at work is a trigger for me and I don’t know how to handle it. Most of my jobs have been in kitchens, the rest being basic manual labor or package delivery that my body can’t handle to much of due to a lack of cartilage in my lower spine.

With all that being said, I feel completely defeated and hopeless. If this job doesn’t work out, I don’t know what else I would be qualified for. Ive never been good with computers and these days I feel like you have to be.

I’m sorry if these seems like nonsense thrown at this page but I don’t know where else to go to find people who might just understand what I’m feeling, maybe even better than I do.