I’m a 25m working a dead end job with no perspective on how to improve my current situation, i spend my time mostly working and dealing with rude people, or on the train  and when I get home I snap at my girlfriend for the most petty things and I take all the traumas that I had growing up on her, and I don’t know how to deal with this feeling. I lack on social skills and I have close to no friends, I just can’t shake the feeling I was a mistake since my dad refused to acknowledge my existence and my mom although sweet at times is the most lunatic person I have ever encountered and I live in constant fear of being alone when someone gets close to me or tries to help me. This might sound like the stupidest rant ever but for me it just makes sense and I just wish I was normal and I could do what other people do and I envy everyone despite people being in a worse situation than me, or me faking a smile every time I go in the office and deal with people I despise, the fact that I also don’t want to be on medicine doesn’t help because I tried that once and I seriously thought of ending it all..