I just gotta vent. I’m an average looking dude who people think pulls/ has boys. I have my brother. Only person I talk to due to blood. I don’t know if I missed a vital learning lesson about relationships or what. I moved multiple times growing up and have not been happy since pre teen. I do not know what is wrong. I have switched environments multiple times jobs and school and it is all the same dull boring bull all day every day. I distract myself temporarily with women and or substances but if I succeed I feel even worse later on as my expectations/ imaginary situations are better. This is never ending, I have no meaningful relationships and am afraid I will die alone. I have always been depressed but thought I was getting better; but recently have noticed I remember almost nothing over the past couple of years and the only time I have any good memories of childhood are when other people bring them up. I just feel I needed to vent and this is better then the normal bullshit thoughts in my head. I just feel that I got no one and am solo. Which was fine but I am constantly bored/ have zero passion. All my hobbies I used to enjoy have lost any appeal and I can’t even try to make myself like them. I just don’t see it getting any better if I’m in my “prime” years.