I’ve struggled with abandonment issues my whole life from my father. I tend to attach to people strongly and then have separation anxiety from them almost immediately. I feel like I would jump in front of a train for someone who doesn’t even like me that much or put in much effort, which has made me an easy target for bad people. I’m basically a human doormat. 

I’ve been very attached to my shitty boyfriend who barely gave me the time of day and I did everything for him. I paid for everything, got him endless gifts, did whatever he wanted, let him talk to many other girls that I knew he liked, never “bitched” at him, nothing. I tried to be the most perfect girlfriend ever. I worked around my intense jealousy despite how hard it was. 

He never once got me flowers. He never put thought into anything he got me. He lied to me about his past. He hooked up with my best friend after the first time we broke up. And I still did everything for him. 

And last week he broke up with me, despite me asking for months why he wasn’t acting the same and begging him to talk to me. I even asked him to pretend he was interested in having a conversation. 

I am just having a really hard time coping with the fact that nothing I do will make someone stay. I’ve been on Zoloft for years now, and it feels like no dosage can stop my stupid brain from feeling this way.