I'm a 29 year old female who has multiple mental disorders. I was recently diagnosed with BPD with bipolar tendencies. My psychiatrist calls them “co-occurring diagnoses". I just call it a straight up clusterf\*\*k. I also have ADD with co-occurring OCD and severe generalized anxiety disorder with co-occurring panic disorder. See? A straight up clusterf\*\*k. 

I've been lurking on this sub for awhile now. It's been very insightful reading the different perceptions and feelings from people who have BPD and people w/o BPD. 

I did notice that so many people w/o BPD seem to share something. They share the fact that their partner with BPD never truly acknowledges everything that their partner does and puts up with every single day. They also share the fact their partner with BPD never really takes responsibility for all the horrible things they have said and done to their partner.  It made me realize that I myself have never truly acknowledged everything my husband has done for me and everything he puts up with. I have never really taken responsibility for everything I have put him through either. 

Reading so many stories of people w/o BPD sharing their anger, sadness, pain and distrust they feel towards their partner with BPD really opened my eyes.  That is exactly how my husband has been feeling for a long time. Thinking of him sitting there and sharing his pain, anger, distrust and frustration towards me sent me into a sobbing mess.  I felt like the shittiest wife on the planet. Still do. Nothing justifies my behavior and what I put him through daily. I truly don't know how my husband hasn't snapped or why he hasn't left me. and for that I can't even put into words or show the immense amount of respect, appreciation and love I have for him. With all the stories I've read and the relationships I've seen crash and burn, I know that it's rare for a partner to stay in a relationship with a partner with BPD. I thank God everyday that I wake up and he's still here. I can say that if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't have been able to do the same. I honestly don't know how he's still in love with me after everything I have put him through for years. If you are or were the people w/o BPD then you know on some level what my husband went through almost everyday for years. It makes me sick to my stomach when I reflect back on the things that I said and did to him. He never deserved any of it and there will never be enough sorrys I can say. There will be a permanent scar on his heart and mind and I alone put it there. I let my irrational thoughts, fears, insecurities and doubts dictate my actions, words, thoughts, life and marriage. I will continue to do everything I can to show him that I am not a lost cause and that I can change. 

After years of my family and husband asking me to please see someone and get the help I need, I called and made an appointment. I have been on medication for 5 months now and have been going to my therapy sessions. I have made my mental health a priority. Most importantly though,  I put my husband back where he should have been, first. It will take time and A LOT on  my part for him to start trusting me and healing, and that is okay.

&amp;#x200B;

If I had to chose what I find to be the most important things to share with other individuals with BPD it would be these: 

* STOP letting fears, insecurities and doubts dictate your actions, words, thoughts, life and relationships. 
* Seek help. Just because  you decide to seek help, it does not mean that you are now taking sole responsible for why your relationship has ended up  unhealthy and toxic. Those irrational thoughts and fears are your BPD talking. 
* If you're using your BPD as a crutch or as justification for your continued behavior, STOP. That's a dangerous road to be playing on. You're just further harming yourself and in the end you'll lose everyone.
* I know it's terrifying to seek help and change so much in your life when you have no sense of worth or identity and constant fears and doubts. I won't lie and say it's easy. It's not. You have to teach yourself new coping skills. You have to learn how to open up completely and communicate with your partner. You have to go to therapy sessions and possibly start medications. It's definitely  a lot for an individual with BPD to go through, but it's worth it. Trust me, it won't take long for you to see and feel a difference within yourself, your partner, your relationship and your life in general. With each step and with each new accomplishment you are proving to yourself and your partner that you can and are doing it.
* Most importantly is this: Acknowledge everything your partner has done for you and put up with. Apologize. Apologize. Apologize. Sincerely apologize to your partner for all the things you said and did to them. Your partner needs to know that you listening to them and sincerely care. They need to see that you are remorseful and truly want to change things and get healthy. Without those things your partner will eventually give up and walk away.