I’m so exhausted oscillating between having no recognizable feelings whatsoever, to being bombarded by every intense emotion on the spectrum all at once, without any warning. 

My baseline, which I’m usually at for weeks or months at a time, is largely devoid of any emotions - good or bad. I struggle to feel happiness or find joy in anything at all, but I’m at least not plagued with having to feel anything overwhelmingly negative either. 

But cyclically, seemingly out of nowhere without any precipitating triggers, I will be overcome by all of the most intrusive and painful emotions. So many, so strong, so conflicting, and so overwhelming - I can’t even decipher what they are. I can’t identify the feelings individually. I have no idea what they are or where they’re coming from, and therefore feel absolutely powerless to do anything about it. I just give in; I’m at the mercy of this raging electrical storms and all I can do is take cover, hope that it passes, and hope I’m still standing once it does. 

It’s so debilitating, this all or nothing way of being.