Hi, I am a 21M. Recently got diagnosed with bipolar depression about 4 months ago. I have a lot of questions, and though I feel like it is fairly accurate, some part of me is unsure what this whole "bipolar thing" is. I accept that it is not my identity, it is just something I have and need help with in order to function. 

Wondering if there are similar experiences that others share with me:

I have regular, almost yearly, cycles of about 2-4 months of depression where all I can think about is the pointlessness of life, I cannot get out of bed most of the time, I miss classes, appointments, and important meetings because I am extremely cynical in those cycles. I regularly get 15-18hrs of sleep per day in these cycles because sleep seems to be the only escape from my thoughts, which are constant and even more exhausting than my necessary activities. Usually there is an exterior influence that sort of "kicks it off," but this just seems to coincide with this brutal yearly cycle. It has ben happening to me for some time, ever since my early teenage years, where I just get restlessly obsessive about an event or idea and it just takes all of the energy out of me. I feel so exhausted, hopeless, and unproductive during those months. 

On the other side, I am a very good student, applying to law schools, and have been highly successful in undergrad and high school. 2/3-3/4 of the time/year, I get very little sleep but I am ON. I am so active with my studies, I am energized all the time, I am social and I am highly energetic and motivated. My brain races similarly, but in a fun way. I don't want to go to sleep because I have this multitude of interests and goals I want to and am actively trying to pursue. "Fun" thought that I get enamored with in these fun, maybe some would say "manic" periods. 

Recently, what led to me seeking professional help, was a particularly dramatic swing from 3 months of the most debilitating and severe depressive cycle I have ever had that ended up with me wearing special socks for a week, iykyk. There was a lot of exterior stuff going on that all maybe set it off and contributed to it,but I felt also like it was that time for the depressive cycle, as for 4 months or so I was hyper focused, highly energetic, extremely social, highly driven, and obsessively pursuing 1 goal (did not end up well, certainly contributed to the set off of the depressive cycle). Afterward, I was seeking new treatments, and I had probably the most dramatic upswing of energy that turned into a pretty intense manic period for about 2.5-3 months, certainly the most intense "manic" period I have ever experienced. I felt like "me," I guess, but it got to a point where my actions were so incongruous with  my character in the past. I was EXTREMELY aggressive, and though I know I have a temper, I did not have any desire to control it. I alienated just about everybody. I wanted to fight people, and I tried, but luckily it didn't go that far. I started engaging with reckless behavior, especially reckless driving (not drunk or anything) almost just to entertain myself. All this while though, I was hyper-productive and driven with my work. I alienated many people who I felt wronged me though the use of really extreme language/text messages that I initiated that led to the falling out. In reflection, I still believe I was right and I do not regret what I said or my attitude toward those people and I am glad they are no longer in my life, but, in retrospect, I have no clue how I managed to maintain that almost constant surge of rage/irritability driven energy for about 3 months. 

Is this similar to anyone else's experiences? Does anyone else experience an almost "ideal" form of mania for a series of months in which they can be hyper productive, or is this just normal? Does bipolar even out to like a "normal level" of a normal human being for a few months out of the year in addition to the depressive and manic periods? Or does this sound like maybe I'm not bipolar at all? I have been told by my doctor that  especially with men, bipolar symptoms more extremely rear their heads in their twenties and onward. I am new to this whole thing. I am medicated, but I still I guess am skeptical in some ways. I am just looking for honest feedback if any of these things sound similar to anyone else's experience. I should mention, in both manic and depressive cycles, I have moderate issues with substances but in different ways. If it does not and this seems extremely whack and not like bipolar, PLEASE leave a comment, I just want to know more about what is going on with me so I can control it more. 

Much love.