Someone once told me, “the main question in philosophy is ‘why not suicide?  What is the point of all this?’” I don’t know… really though, why not?? 

It has me wondering though.. am I ruining my life by even asking these questions in the first place?  Is thinking about the existence of God or my purpose in life the reason for my chronic passive suicidal ideation?  

I feel so lost.  I have been sober off drugs and alcohol and everything for almost 2 years now and this pandemic has really been a struggle while I’m trying to pick up the pieces from the wreckage of my addiction.  

I really want a career in music.  I work at it.  I take lessons.  I’m learning music production and I sing and write music.  But is it really worth my time ?

I don’t want to kill myself but I also don’t want to keep living life and running into disappointments.  It just feels like I’m on a hamster wheel.