I can't remember the last time I was taken seriously. I am a person, not an illness. I just want to be treated like a human. Who makes mistakes. Who tries her hardest to make up for those mistakes. 

How can I act so evil when I feel so empty inside? I don't feel human. I want to be human. I'm not a monster. Why can't he stop treating me like one. Aren't I good things, too? Wasn't there a reason to love me? Why am I only reminded of the bad?

My brain doesn't fucking work. I have to think about things that shouldn't have to be thought of. How to feel. How to react. Why can't it be easy? Why do I always feel so foggy? I don't mean to lash out. I can't take it when I feel disapproval from the one I love. 

Today, I had to leave my Calculus II class halfway through the lecture because I didn't like the sweater I was wearing. It made me self-conscious. I split. It wasn't about the sweater anymore. I just want someone to understand. Once it gets to that point it isn't about what it was about before. Why am I broken?

I'm so caught up in being BPD I can't be myself. I can't take being constantly reminded of how awful I am. My name isn't BPD. I don't know what this post is. I needed to vent. I need to be understood