It’s the usual bpd-brain thing i can think of. You feel like u did something wrong and suddenly spiral. Now ur laying in bed crying at 4 am repeating the words “i just want to be happy”. It’s to the point now where i’m 
having issues with emotional permanence.

To be put in simple terms, i don’t know what to do. I feel helpless? I feel like i understand why people leave me so often. I forget how it feels to be happy, i feel like i’ve never even been happy ever, when i know i have but i just, i can’t seem to recall those same happy feelings. It’s so frustrating.

I feel like i’m being suffocated by loneliness, by unhappiness. it fucking sucks.

My boyfriend, a friend, changes tone, or i make a mistake, i apologize. I say sorry way too much. they tell me it’s okay, it’s fine. i apologize some more and cry even tho i was just told it was okay. I know deep down i’m going to cycle through this for the next few weeks. I know this small mistake will be in the back of my mind telling me this is why a person hates me or leaves me. 

i have no idea what to do. or how to stop feeling this way i feel like i’ve tried everything but nothing seems to work. i’m too anxious to talk about my feelings to my bf in fear of abandonment, same goes for friends. i’m so lost