I try to watch a basketball game
I try to work at a job
I try to come up with meaningful goals
I try to pet my cat with a smile
But no I'm just continuing to be taking out my anxiety on fantasies

I try to not call myself a loser but I feel like one
I just wish women weren't in my mind all the damn time

I know I just use it for anxiety purposes I don't want to be on medication just in case legally something happens and then it's like "was this person's decisions based on if they were on their prescribed at the right time or not the right dosage or not side effects etc.

I have no interests other than looking through social media looking at gorgeous girls. I try to hike i try to have a job I even tried to have 3 year-long genuine relationships and friendships that don't build they just wane. 

I don't know why I want to live anymore with this anxiety. I hate myself for it. I wish I didn't have this I didn't ask for this.