Hi, I'm back to being depressed. Never made a post here before. But life has been kicking me over like a football. I build happiness and I'm all content then some shit has to happen, usually it's my own mothers fault. That b\*tch can't stand to see me happy. I don't live with her. I haven't spoken to her for almost 2 weeks and I bet she's happy. She hates me. 

Anyway I'm having to get rid of the only living thing I have in my surroundings, my cat, she's getting rehomed soon. Cause I can't provide a good home, I don't have space, funds, time or attention to give. I'mma have to start working soon to pay the bills. I don't want another cat. I hate having to cat-proof shit. Can't put this there, can't put that there, gotta feed the cats, gotta plan my life around cats... nah. I feel like it says a lot about how much I don't want a cat if the last thing I have in my life is the company of one and I rehome it. 

I wish I could fall asleep and just never wake up again. That would be so peaceful. If I had a button that said "sleep forever" I'd press it right before bed. I'm not suicidal. I'm almost 25 and I'm just done. I've lived long enough to know how empty and meaningless my life is. Life in general is. Sure there's beauty but I don't feel an interest in staying. And it's so stigmatized too like "but you have to live til you're 100" I would've been okay with 25% of that. I've been through too much hurt.