I've been awake for two days. I've been sober for three days after heavily abusing cocaine and alcohol. I cannot sleep. I worry about everything. What if I have contracted HIV from this one irresponsible encounter where I had unprotected sex with a stranger? Been researching the odds for hours - didn't help. I've managed to sleep for like an hour until I woke up from a nightmare. My heart was racing and I was shaking so bad. I'm not sure if I some sort of a seizure. It's almost Christmas Eve. I care about people who do not care about me. I gave a blister of my Xanax to somebody who seemed to really need it - he asked me for it. Come to find out he took all of the pills in combination with alcohol at once. I feel horrible. I've been praying for this person that he's still alive. Then he shoots me a message saying how great of a trip that was. What is my life? Sorry for rambling. I need to get these thoughts out of my head. Trying to sleep now. Hope you are well.