This story is so stupid looking back on it but I had no control. 

Yesterday I was shopping with my boyfriend of nearly 5 years, I didn’t have no VPL pants so I went without until we got to the shop and my boyfriend said he could see EVERYTHING. I immediately got so embarrassed and defensive telling him I’ll buy pants to cover up, he kept laughing and saying he’d show me in a picture and I got angry. 

He was only trying to help me but in my head he was mocking me and I’d rather everyone else laugh at me but him. Then the thoughts flooded through, ‘everyone is looking’ ‘they’re laughing at you’ ‘they’re wondering how he’s with you’ ‘so embarrassing’ and I wasn’t listening to anything he was saying. 

He told me I had an attitude although I was seconds from bursting into tears and wanted to leave, I walked off. The next 2 hours were a blur but I fully regained consciousness and I was wearing new clothes but sat in the pouring rain - soaked to my skin. I hadn’t eaten and he had fully driven off and left me. 

I had to get the bus home for an hour and a half and was so ashamed. 

It’s not all innocent for him - he’s a narcissist and has called me ugly more times than beautiful. The feeling of not being good enough has been there from the start. 

We haven’t spoken since, he’s so angry with me. 

He was just trying to help, why did I react like this?