Nearly the only time I really feel like I trust my partner 100%, feel safe with them, and feel "okay" and significant, is in the middle of having sex when I'm basically in an altered state. I love them all the time and I spend a lot of time feeling content with them, laughing and enjoying their company, etc, but there's always a feeling of fear and insecurity of varying degrees unless we're having sex.

And when we go long periods without it feels like I'm dying or something. The fearful, insecure feelings creep in more and more and I feel increasingly hollow and worthless. It's like I get moments of secure attachment and then in the interim I'm on a timer to withering like a plant without water. 

For me this is only in the context of an actual relationship--I've never been able to feel recognized by or connected to a stranger during a hookup. And I have a pretty extensive trauma history that makes me feel disconnected and dead inside all the time.