Please tell me please
hi everyone. here’s something I really want to say. I really appreciate for your time to read it.
i worry a lot. probably I am a bad person so I always feel the guilt. I always kept thinking about my past actions and I analyze it over and over again in my brain. I have always like teaching and volunteering. i did tutoring a child  during summer. i was going through a really hard breakup. everything reminded me of my ex. i was still working all summer, i was babysitting/ teaching the little boy. he was around 4. we did get along, sometimes he would yell at me but I wasn’t good at engaging with kids when they’re angry so I just let them yell and try to play with them ones they stopped yelling. Sorry for being wordy. Let’s get to the point, one time the boy who was 4 when I was teaching him I noticed that his face was kind of close to my face, looking back it makes me feel uncomfortable. i am not and I will never be interested to have any intimate relationship with a minor and I have always avoid physical contacts with kids. I never find and will never find kids sexually attractive and I would never ever sexualize kids in any way. When our faces were so close when I was talking and teaching the little kid, I don’t know if my ocd or anxiety (I am not diagnosed, never seek for help from a professional) were acting up, i wasn’t sure if I did look at his face too much that may have cause him discomfort (he didn’t show any signs of discomfort but it’s impossible to know what a someone is feeling on the inside) I’m afraid if I did stare at his lips. I remember when I was looking at his face my mind was asking a extremely disgusting question. (I do have a lot of trouble controlling my thoughts but I’d never act on those thoughts if they are some bad thoughts) the question was ‘will you kiss him?’ I immediately told my mind ‘NO’. But still whenever I think of that incident it still disgusting me. I don’t know why mine brain would ask such question. 
I would never hurt the child. The child likes me as a tutor/babysitter and I like interacting with child a lot but I’d never hurt them. 
I still feel the guilt of the question that my mind asked me and I keep thinking what if I looked at his face for too long or what if I did stare at his lips? I didnt stare at him intensely but still I keep thinking what if I caused him discomfort and why would my mind asked such question? It sicken me so much and it’s been giving me so much anxiety. My ex and the child may have some similarity by looks but I would never want to make out with a child and the thought of it it’s creepy and disgusting. 
Please tell me if there’s something wrong with me, you can be straightforward. I’m disgustingly by myself too. 
I am not sure if it was any sort of anxiety/ocd in me was acting up but I’m not even diagnosed and I have never seek for professional help and I don’t want to blame on anything that I am not so sure. The only one that I should blame is me.