Nothing is helping and I can’t deal with it anymore. I go to the hospital every week because I feel like I’m dying, but, I’m not. I have panic attacks that last hours that prevent me from enjoying my day.
I’ve tried all breathing techniques, talking to professionals, friends, everything but I feel like I’m suffocating and I feel like no one around understands. 
I can’t sleep because I jolt up out of fear while I’m falling asleep. 
I can’t eat because I have a panic attack while I’m eating that makes me feel like I’ll choke and die and I have lost so much weight. BMI is 16.5 now. 
I went to the doctor who wanted to prescribe me an SSRI but those just made me have extreme brain zaps and make me feel like it’s honestly going to give me a seizure, after reading more online I realized it’s probably not even the safest.
I was prescribed lorazepam 0.5mg at the hospital once and that helped only slightly but it was only a 3 day supply and when I asked for more my doctor said those were even more dangerous and refused. 
I’m lost and I feel like my life is basically over. I’m 20 years old and seeing my friends excel and have a normal life only makes the depression stronger, what did I do for this to happen to me?
I feel like I’m disabled and there’s no way to change that in my life anymore. I’m just ready to give up.