I personally have borderline personality disorder, it’s actually the only personality disorder diagnosis I’ve ever received and I’ve been diagnosed with it on three separate occasions. I’ve been told that I might have aspects or traits of other cluster b personality disorders but never got reached the full diagnosis, I’ve also been through dbt which I personally hated and found talk therapy and medication for my axis 1 disorders a lot more helpful. Anywho just thought I’d add that for some form of legitimacy, now I’ll explain my experience with idealisation and things that I tend to feel throughout it. I might add that it’s kinda rare for me and I’ve only experienced it fully with two people though I’m 23. It begins with a feeling of awe like as if I’m taken a back by this person, they seem so incredibly beautiful that I can’t quite stop myself from putting my everything into this person. I start noticing and picking up on things I personally like about them they seem unreal and I feel unreal, it’s like I’ve finally found my own perfect drug, my own god.  The two people I’ve had this with never rejected me to begin with, I’m the happiest person I can possibly be at this point in time but I feel undoubtedly possessive of this new perfect drug which I do my best to hide because I actually hate jealous behaviour due to how much I seen it ruin my mother. I would die for this person and it’s like we start to build an internal world of love, somewhere I wish I could stay forever, somewhere I wish I could die, somewhere I feel complete, but eventually whether it be a facial expression or them wanting to do there own thing, it plants a seed in this world of love that I’ve been building, that we’ve been building. I wish I could chuck that mother fucker away and pretend it never happened or just move on like a normal human being but now I’m suddenly questioning why, why’d they do that? That’s our perfect little world and they’ve just created an ugly spot. This spot spreads like wild fire and I’m suddenly seeing how wrong I really was about this human being, this not so perfect human being, this ugly human being, what the fuck is wrong with this putrid human being, this cruel thing. This is where my thinking can actually become extremely distorted and I’ll begin to push every single person away because I see them all as cruel, it feels like they’re all communicating and plotting against me. Everyone has been devalued due to my not so perfect interpretation of the world. That not so perfect child somewhere in me weaps, grieves for something or someone that can never truely exist because it’s simply impossible. Eventually the child wants more, to rekindle, to love, to feel happy again so the cycle will begin as it has many times before, as it will for the rest of being. Endlessly searching for that perfect other, that perfect drug, that perfect mother.