any tips on any of these would help

I struggle with memory I mean I want to remember my childhood, I really do. But every time I try to I can't. Then randomly poof I get hit with trauma I didn't even know I had and IT JUST LEAVES like it just walked into a wrong room or something like "op- sorry man". Like wtf come back so I can deal with you.

I also have this thing that I'm really ashamed of but I make random noises and movements. Like clapping when I see something I like, like a toddler. I don't know why I do them. I've been tested for autism when I was like three so it's not like autism stims. I try to only do them when I'm alone but sometimes I slip up and I always get the weirdest stares from friends, family, honestly anyone who sees it. Idk how to stop tho