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Ive been struggling recently with life after a possible shared delusion. The delusion, curated by my then bf, was in essence aliens were going to come and kill everyone on the planet, save for a few key leaders in thought, music, art, some children, and of course my bf and myself. Although I knew him to not be completely mentally stable (I constantly urged him to see a psychiatrist because to me he exhibited signs of multiple personality disorder, he had another alter who had a completely different back story, age, way of walking, he spoke a different language, etc.) eventually as the story grew, I believed him. He told me that he was the king of this planet where the aliens were from, he would draw me pictures of his people, tell me words in his language (as best he could with a human tongue), and overall his energy and presence would be that of a different person. Eventually the story grew to that on that world I was his queen and he left his body and traveled the cosmos to find my soul and finally after thousands of lifetimes of searching in different galaxies and as different beings he found me and now within the next few months the earth would be destroyed by his people and we would be able to go home. He said because his last few lifetimes were on this earth he had grown an attachment to humans and although we are a virus to the universe, he wanted to see about cancelling the attack on humans, but he would have to discuss things first with his chief officers and would have to work fast because they were very close to us in the andromeda galaxy.  Through out this time he would disappear for hours at a time saying he has to install things in the ground for their ships to land when they got here and once drove four hours and stayed gone for 2 days because I said someone I didn’t know knocked on the door (the neighbor realized he was at the wrong apartment…still he packed his bag and drove a state away to go home because people were spying on him). I also might need to add that this person, the king, was just like a soul within him, he would go back and forth between the king and the other version of himself (2 years older, different backstory), but his true self (real age and name) was banished to the “ebb and flow” where he was in a constant sea of emotion and thought for cheating on me (this is why we were broken up, eventually he said he never cheated, but I’m not sure about anything). 

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I might have to note that Im not sure if this is a shared delusion because we were broken up when all of this happened but it seems to fit the common criteria as he was dominant, and I was pretty weak in comparison (i was desperate for him) despite our breakup. A few weeks ago we finally fell into no contact but only did so because I apologized for feeding into the madness and not getting him the appropriate help around this time. Even still now i deal with intrusive thoughts of worthlessness…like, girl, you whole heartedly said go ahead and fuck up the world for him and murder everyone alive viciously just so the aliens can take us back to our home planet and be together for him and he still doesn’t want you. I feel like shit, I feel beyond gullible, I’m embarrassed…how do i exist after not being strong enough to deal with this the correct way? How do I explain this when dating new people? This is something I haven't even shared with family/friends (i was just gonna let the aliens kill them) so I feel disconnected as well as guilty for that which is why no one aside from my ex knows about this.