Having such a hard time with feelings. They're so inconsistent, sometimes I have to remind myself I'm not glaringly sensitive or anything but there's just no in between anymore, either I have to feel or there's nothing there. I've lived with my numbness for so long that it feels okay now, feeling emotions on the other hand.. a different ball game altogether 

Most days you live feeling barely anything or nothing at all and other times you have to explain wht you're feeling which is impossible to distinguish anymore. It just feels so difficult and idk if I'm exaggerating it or not anymore 

I get attached so easily and then get super impulsive and reactive to people so I try to not do that much anymore. Especially outsiders but now idk how one has a decently healthy relationship with anyone new anymore 

Even the slightest feelings towards someone feels like a lot and imma be honest here, I don't think I can do romantic feelings at all rn, so overwhelmed with everything at all times. If I feel towards someone, anything at all I get super into it but I have such horrible trust issues that I can never feel deeply for them anymore and I keep feeling like I'm cheating people who love and support me through life in general. I so badly want to reciprocate but there's this emptiness that takes over, I don't even get to decide if I want to detach myself from the situation or the person. The only good thing has been that my thoughts are less impulsive now (guess I've grown too, even if just a little) I don't just feel like killing myself over any little thing.. which is great but if I keep acting like this, how will I ever end up in a decent relationship, let alone a healthy one