When do I get to the point to where good things start happening to me? When do I start to see all the supposed "little things" that make life worth living?

Nothing has ever gone my way, I never get what I want out of things instead I'm always met with disappointment or broken promises. I'm tired of it! I want to be happy for a little while but instead I'm chasing a carrot on a string being pulled indefinitely further from me. I'll never be able to catch that carrot. I feel like I'll never get anything that I want. I want friends, I want love, I want safety, I want to feel pride, I want to feel strong, I want to LIVE. 

I don't get any of these things though instead I get fear, loneliness, anxiety, insecurity, poverty, and I get screwed over or abandoned/rejected by just about every human being I've ever tried to take the time to get to know. 

The more I look the more it seems the only way I'm ever supposed to find happiness is If I accept my role as a martyr and a scapegoat and live to please others because helping others is the only happiness I can ever receive atleast until the people I help end up abusing me in some way. 

I'm fucking tired of it, why can't good things just happen to me? Why is it nothing but constant pain and bad luck and misery? Why is the world so based on nonsense bullshit luck? Why? Why? Why? WHY! 🤦‍♂️