My Birthday is Wednesday and I feel terrified of the approaching day. As I do most holidays since my mom had strokes resulting in severe permanent brain damage. It’s been almost 2 years now and I’ve been through a lot since being appointed as her guardian at 29. Not much of a family, never had a dad or any siblings to say the least. It’s not all bad… some days are good… it’s heart breaking to see her paralyzed, eating through tubes, and unable to speak… that haunts me and fills me with guilt everyday I can’t visit the facility to let her know she’s not alone even though idk if she even hears me half the time. It’s so hard to explain to anyone how filled with grief and sadness I am every morning or everyday when something reminds me of my mom which is all the time since it was only ever me and her all my life. On the outside my life looks well composed but I’m falling apart every day as if my mothers already died a thousand deaths over these last 20 months. 

This is hard for me to post. I don’t like making myself out as a victim I’m just so tired of crying