Throwaway account, just in case.

So our relationship was pretty toxic. After 8 years of on and off again and two stints of living together, I finally had to say enough. Her life was a mess. Couldn’t hold a job for long because she would have some crazy falling out with somebody at work and eventually they would fire her. I spent thousands on her. Between loaning her money or paying the entirety of rent and utilities I lost a lot of money to her. She always claimed she would pay me back but never did. 

Her temper was out of control. The smallest things would set her off and she would usually take her anger out on my belongings. She smashed an expensive laptop, my TV, countless pieces of glassware, stole my watch, and passport. Luckily I got the latter two back. I’ve been emotionally and physically abused by her on many occasions. She was addicted to pain meds and drank a lot as well. 

For a time, I was crazy in love with her. She had a very damaged past and I thought I could fix her. How naïve I was… I should’ve ran after the first outburst where she broke a beer bottle in my house because of some inane reason. I can’t remember what it was. 

Anyways, on to the reason I’m considering breaking my no contact with her. When I was getting ready to move, she was living with me in an apartment for the second time because she had nowhere else to go. I was adamant that she would not be moving with me this time. During the time that we lived together, she had a beautiful cat who was the sweetest creature I ever met. I loved that cat. She knew that her life was a mess so she gave the cat to me. On one side, this was a great sacrifice on her part because as awful as she could be, this cat was like her child. She loved her immensely. On the other hand, she may have also done it to make sure she would still have an ‘in’ with me. For the past 6 years, I have loved this cat more than I can explain. About two months ago, my cat was diagnosed with cancer at 17 years old. I did my best to make her as comfortable as possible. The vet gave her a couple weeks but she went for two months. Yesterday, I had to call it and have her put to sleep. I can’t describe how utterly crushed I am right now. She was the one constant I had in my life. I haven’t bonded with a pet like this since I was a child. 

My question is, should I tell her? As toxic as she was, I feel like she still deserves to know. She really did love this cat and I feel like she gave her to me because she knew I would give her stability that she couldn’t. 

I’ve thought about how I would tell her: 

1. I need to move houses first. She’s been to my current place before and I do NOT want her showing up. Luckily, I’m moving in a week. 

2. Tell her via email only and reject all phone calls from her. I can’t bring myself to talk to her. I get anxiety just thinking about it. I also don’t answer any numbers I don’t recognize. 

3. I will request an address so that I can send some of her ashes and other memorabilia. I need to figure out how to not include my address on it though. 

What do you all think of the above? Should I tell her or just not bother with it at all? Maybe I need more time to heal because she was just put to sleep yesterday and I’m still devastated. It was one of the hardest decisions in my 35 years of life.