Hmm...short story.
I have an ex.  We dated for a month or two.  It was really intense for me emotionally, in a good way.
I few things happened and I left her...then went back to her...then left her.
So we are friends now.
She was over a couple nights ago and watched a scary movie and cuddled.  The truth is, those cuddles were the best I’ve felt in a long time.
I’ve woken up crying for the past two mornings since.

The point is, I guess...
I never know if I’m making a good decision.  I have so many mood swings and I’m very flighty.  I regret literally every romantic decision I make.  I think BPD forces me to “Abort Mission” sometimes.  I honestly do not know how much conflict is appropriate in a relationship, but I’m terrified of any and I run away.

I don’t know how to figure out how I actually feel about someone.  My BPD moods affect the way I see myself and others so much.  I honestly don’t know what feelings are truth.

So, like, I really miss this girl.  But, is that because I miss her, or because I’m depressed and NEED to be held?

Anyone got any advise?