This is kind of a medium long post, because I just need to tell a story, knowing and hoping that some people in this room can relate.

Having BPD is fun — sarcasm, obviously. My boyfriend and I just went on a seven day trip to Europe (we’re from Chicago), and it was extremely lovely, but every single time he was even slightly quiet my brain spiraled into him either being annoyed with me, or disliking me, and just coming along on this trip because he feels bad for me or something. Why anyone would go on a seven day trip to Europe when they are paying for their half and having to borrow days off from work because they are out of PTO is beyond me, but yet my BPD brain says my thoughts are completely logical. 

Today I, our first full day back, I texted him a few hours after he went to work, and he didn’t respond to me and then posted to BeReal about an hour later. I know he’s usually not quick to text back and he’s extremely tired from traveling for most of the day yesterday, but of course, my brain went to him hating me and seeing my text, thinking that he’s sick of me after spending so much time with me and that he decided to ignore my text and didn’t care about me and that’s why he made a post to BeReal without responding to me first. Once I saw that post to BR I started crying and getting really upset and just absolutely sobbing out loud at home alone. It affected me emotionally in a way that I knew didn’t make sense and brought me back to the way I was completely unable to regulate my emotions years ago before going into DBT therapy. I took a few deep breaths, and with tears in my eyes texted him and asked him why he posted to be real without responding to my text instead, and he’s the nicest person in the world and just said he’s so sorry and that he saw the message come in through his Apple Watch and meant to respond to me but because he’s on a video shoot for work he got called to another task and wasn’t able to talk into his Apple Watch or pull out his phone to send me a text. And then the reason he took a BeReal was because his coworker got a notification while they had a few mins free and my boyfriend  
realized he didn’t see his notification and did his post as well, and thought he responded to me earlier. He apologized, and he’s going to be home soon from work and we’re going to have dinner and watch some TV and snuggle up on the couch. I know everything is completely fine and was never *not* fine on his end, but sometimes my brain is really disappointing to me.

I just needed to vent because I know some people in this room can relate to this, getting so emotionally overwhelmed by something that ends up being so small, and realizing that what the other person did was not intentional, or meant to hurt you.