I can never do anything right. I’m dizzy. I keep thinking this is the last day, but it’s not. When I woke up from my overdose I felt blessed and cursed at the same time. Happy to see my parents, but instantly horrified I have to face all the internal anguish of life again and again and again. When someone is mad at me or I do something wrong it’s never easy to forget. I stays in my clouded mind for months on end. My brain replaying ever moment of sadness. It’s where my mania starts to come into play. The image of everyone in this world hating me makes me want to lash out in anger and self harm. I keep thinking nothing matters if I’m dumb and everyone hates me for it so what’s the point of living. I used to think a girl/boyfriend would make the pain go away, but when I graduated high school I realized how terrible that idea would be. I will be alone forever. I don’t care about the loneliness. I care about what the loneliness brings. The pain and hatred will haunt me as long as I am alive.