This is really venting? I just feel so lost and out of control, I don’t even know where to begin to get help? I’ve been diagnosed since 2020, and that’s all that’s happened “hey you have this” and literally nothing else, I recently changed who I was getting psychiatric help from, but I need help and I need help fast. 
I don’t understand why I need constant attention from my partner or friends, to the point of I get very upset and emotional when they get busy and can’t talk. I know it’s not fair to them but I don’t know how to not react that way. Or when me and my partner get into arguments and she calls me out on something im doing, I lash out and say some really outta pocket shit I don’t actually mean, I hate that I do that. It’s not fair to her. I hate that. I hate how it’s “I hate you, but you can’t leave” “I love you, but don’t talk to me right now” I hate how everything to me is extreme, I hate how I can’t have normal emotions. I hate how my partner is so patient and kind and loving, but they get busy at college and I feel neglected, and like they don’t love me. I hate how it’s either extremely good, or everything is god awful. I hate how I randomly have so much energy you could power 3 subdivisions, and it’s straight manic, and then I go to being dead to the world. I feel so out of control. It’s not fair that my partner fell in love when me she doesn’t deserve this, and I don’t want to be this way, I know it’s not right. I just don’t know where to start to get better, pls help and give me advice