My family members are mostly high-risk and would probably have to be hospitalised if they got the virus. I always wear my mask when going to the store or to any other public spaces, but I have (admittedly) been a little bit careless over the past few weeks. For the sake of my mental health, I recently decided to meet up with a small group of friends. We did not wear masks. All of us were symptom free and got tested beforehand, but the worry is making me sick regardless and I feel such guilt. I am young, so if I got the virus, it most likely wouldn't have any consequences for me, but I am terrified I might transmit it to my family members. I feel so selfish, but at the same time, I can't deal with being alone for another year.

This fear is not limited to this one instance. I have been dealing with insomnia for the past few months because of anxiety and depression, and the whole situation is not helping my mental health. I have nightmares and panic attacks almost every night. I'm on the verge of tears most of the day, the smallest things set me off, I am a nervous wreck and can't get a hold of myself. I ruminate about the same few things over and over without getting any closure. The anxiety just loops in my head all day and all night. I know that logically, the likelihood of me infecting my family is rather low, since I barely see anyone or go out of the house. But my brain won't listen to that logic, or it will for a few minutes, then go back to panicking about various unlikely and dumb scenarios. i don't know how to live like this.