He changed his number because of me. I sent him a message on Messenger only to find out he blocked me. I think he finally might be over me.

The one friend who’s been with me and helped me through my struggles is gone because I fucked up. I ruined a good friendship. And I miss him so much. I don’t want to lose him forever. I love him so deeply as a person. He’s always meant so much to me yet I never showed him. I wish I could have treated him differently. I feel so guilty. 

I explicitly told him to “get out my life” and “don’t come back” but the prospect of him never coming back again is so terrifying. Please don’t listen to me, I never meant anything I said. I just wanted you to feel my pain.