so i am planning on maybe going to a different country this year and studying there. my friend lives there and studies there since last year. i was supposed to go with him last year but i was in a bad mental state and i decided not to. because of that i feel like he doesnt trust me that i will actually go. 
his gf is going there too this year too and they will obviously live together. 
me and his gf used to be friends, however in my opinion she and my other friend (us 3 used to hang out all the time) treated me poorly and i just in general dont think theyre the right fit for me. 
just before we had a fight, i asked her if its okay if i lived with them and she said its fine... but yeah we had a fight and ive decided not to hang out with them anymore bc it brought me more sadness and frustration than happiness. 
also my friend is kind of my fp and im kind of sad he didnt 'choose' me even though the rational part of my brain understands hes going to live with his gf rather than with me. i dont blame him for that. 
i read a post on here about being your own fp and in the comments a person was saying how being by themselves helped them reach a point where they're ok with themselves.
rent isnt cheap, however, i am thinking its maybe a better solution for me to live with nobody (which im basically forced to do now anyways) even if i have options or rather than searching for someone to 'latch onto' to live with me. 
i need to stop attaching myself to people and start to be ok with myself because i pretty much hate myself now and base a lot of my self worth on how many people like me and how much people like me.
do you think this is a good idea? i would really appreciate some encouragement and advice how to make living alone more fun and bearable. thank you.