there are so many things I'd like to do in my future. there are so many countries I'd like to visit for a longer time, maybe live somewhere else for a while.. a warm place at the sea, eat nice food and have a great love life, just happy, just being alive and loving it. but then anxiety comes and I get really sad. I think about how I just dream but never plan. I talk and talk but nothing ever happens. I am 22 now, nurse to be, want to study whatever once I'm examined and I don't know when all of this is going to happen. shouldn't now be the time to feel young and free and enjoy life? I don't. I work, I cry, I feel sick. I'm cold and low. unmotivated, a pessimist since a long long time.
this makes me so sad. many friends of mine have travelled, I did not. I was too afraid, too anxious. that will never change. i will never be that carefree, life-loving, positive and open minded person who's life kind of manages itself. who lives here and there, who likes adventures and new experiences. who is outgoing and great with people. I'll work in a job that gives me what I need, money and security, and always hate myself for not having achieved any of my dreams. what a life. (listening to Raïna Raï right now, it gives me such a melancholic vibe) 
I miss summer. I miss being happy. I miss not worrying.