Idk if I have BPD , I’ve not been diagnosed with it yet… but as I read other peoples stories and the Symptoms they get I can honestly say I get those same symptoms. I’ve been cheated on before and been told many times by other guys that I’ve either liked or dated that I’m not worth it , How unattractive I am and how nobody will ever want me because of my learning disability and my lack of understanding and comprehending anything.. I love my boyfriend and he loves me , he’s very transparent with me about leaving his phone around when he showers , or does the laundry.. anytime I see him texting or smiling at his phone i automatically think “what female has him smiling?” And that’ll overwhelm me and I’ll obsess about it all day everyday , I constantly accuse him because my brain literally makes up these doubts and “what ifs” it’s confusing because I can’t tell if it’s true or just my brain being negative. I know he loves me he tells me that everyday , he does a lot for me and it’s more then what any other guy has ever done.. but I just can’t get it out of my mind that he’s cheating.. I can’t stop thinking about it. Last weekend he went grocery shopping for us and he took a while to come back home and I immediately got sad and angry at him , I later called him and asked him “are you with her? Is she better then me” it gets so bad that sometimes I have to look for any kinda hickies on him , I have to smell his clothes to see if he’s hugged another girl. We made up yesterday and he said he loves me and to get rid of these doubts , he reassures me all the time that he loves me and loves spending time with me and yet my brain will say otherwise.. it’s so annoying. When he comes home from work sometimes he’s late and I’ll think to myself “who is this girl he’s with now? Where is he”) there’s been times I’ve accused him of having s*x with someone else and of course he defends himself , I have his password to his phone but I don’t go through it because I know it’s wrong and I really do want to trust him , we talk about the future all the time and that’s what puts me in a good mood when he reassures me it makes me feel good until I’m not reassured every second of the day. Even when he takes his phone to the bathroom I get nervous and panic on the inside , when he has to be somewhere I’ll automatically think he’s going to meet some girl or something…. How can I stop thinking like this and just enjoy my relationship?