Slight suicide content warning. My partner (23F) and I (21F) both have bpd. We'll call my partner Marcy. We've been together for 1 year and 7 months. We started as a ldr and met online. I'm currently living with Marcy before I have to go back to my university for the fall. Marcy's been getting madder/splitting on me lately. I know part of it is that Marcy doesn't bring up grievances when they start to bother, and instead bottles them up until it's too much. Marcy has told me that she's still in love with me, she's just used to being alone. Marcy recently had a breakdown and she said "please don't leave me." I've told Marcy i'm not leaving. Even when I'm really angry at Marcy, I know I'm still so deeply in love and that doesn't go away and i don't rescind my affection. But Marcy does. I think Marcy doesn't like the parts of me she's seeing now, and I think she's no longer in love with me. I think Marcy's just clinging to me because she fears the future and i've promised so many times that I'm going to take care of her. I also think Marcy's just so alone and clings to someone being in love with her. I don't know how to handle it. I'm still suicidal, especially when I think Marcy or sometimes someone else will abandon me. I've also made her so much part of my life. Marcy and my sister talk to each other and she's met my mom (my mom still doesn't like the fact that I'm gay but she likes Marcy). Marcy knows more than anyone else ever has. I'm trying harder than I've ever tried with anyone else to open myself up. I'm working so hard for this. But I think she's falling out of love and it's breaking me. I don't know if I could survive it. I love her so much. We've talked about getting married and what our kids could be like. I don't want to lose that. I don't know how to tell if it is all just splitting because she's scared for the future and she's scared she'll lose me but I'm terrified. Maybe it's my fault for being too broken. I'm bad at sharing myself, I'm an asshole, I'm too pessimistic about people, I'm too attached to achieving social value, i'm too stubborn, and I'm also too clingy and jealous. There's more, so much more wrong with me and she sees it. I thought she saw the good parts, she said she did, but maybe they're not even actually there. And she believes I'm someone I'm not and she's starting to realize. And she doesn't love me anymore. How could I be okay?