Okay so I’ve had this friend off and on for like 11 years. We have had a lot of falling outs and the last one we had lasted for almost six years. My twin sister who has an array of mental health issues as well as mental deficits stemming from being exposed to drugs as an infant, and also a pretty bad heroin addiction, was letting this friend use her food stamp card in exchange for cash. I explained to her at the time that I really wished she wouldn’t ask her to use it because I knew that my sister was just going to end up using the money for drugs. My friend told me that I was overreacting and that my sister is a grown woman who can make her own decisions. I dropped it but it always bothered me deep down. Fast forward a few months and my sister tells me that my friend asked her if she could use her social security number to get a phone, in exchange for 50 dollars. And it turns out this friend and her boyfriend used my sisters social security number to buy and sell ten iPhones. Basically she scammed her, and my sister now owed thousands of dollars to different phone companies. Her credit is still suffering because of it. When I approached her about it she again told me that my sister is a grown adult who knew what she was doing. I explained to her she didn’t know what she was doing because of her mental health and active addiction. I told her that she was a bad person and that I didn’t want to be friends with someone like that. We didn’t speak for like I said almost six years.

About a year ago I messaged her on Facebook and she ended up apologizing and we became close friends again very fast. She comes to me with all of her personal problems and I always listen to her without judgment and I always try to make her feel like she has a safe space to vent to me. I have other support systems so I really don’t call her that often when I’m triggered and very upset, at least I thought I didn’t, but this past weekend I got into a really bad fight with my boyfriend and I called her very upset. I explained to her what was going on and she rolled her eyes and I could tell she was pretty annoyed. She said “you need to calm down”. I could feel myself get super angry and I blurted out “dont tell me To calm down it pisses me off! This isn’t like when you and your boyfriend get into it, there’s a child involved!” She hung up on me and the next day texted me: “you always have some slick shit to say about me not having a child, and you know I want one!” I tried to explain to her the emotions behind why I said that, aplogized for making her feel that way and reminded her that I have bpd. She said I’m using it as an excuse and that she rolled her eyes at me because I make my life out to be harder than it actually is. And that I only get upset when I don’t get my way and that I sit around all day not trying to do better. And that she’s never been a bad friend. I told her there were times when she has been a bad friend and listed some of them for her, ending with what she did to my sister and that was only the tip of the iceberg. She again told me that my sister was a grown woman and that she didn’t make her give her her social security number. Which makes me think she was never really sorry about it in the first place. 

I was thinking about apologizing today again because I really didn’t mean any harm in saying I have a child. But another part of me genuinely hates her. It’s so confusing.