My whole life tumbles out of control because of BPD. Boyfriend broke up with me because he couldn’t cope with how intense and “psycho” I am. My best friends and housemates cut me off on everything (they were not nice to me) but they said I was toxic and horrible to live with. I could go on but basically I’m 20 and I’ve fucked up more relationships than I care to think of. 

Some days it seems like I’m incapable of having a rational thought. I started reading some DBT stuff online and I thought this seems so futile. Like baby steps. Why do we have to rationalise our thoughts like this? Am I really that messed up I have try and rationalise everything I think? 

It’s so frustrating to know that my thought patterns aren’t normal. I just want to snap out of it but it’s like I can’t control myself. Or take some tablets not this whole long process of hoping to somehow better myself that might not even pay off. 