I’ve made a lot of progress with my BPD, however this will always haunt me. The other night I was sobbing over not belonging again, and I think other borderlines might be able to relate. 

I feel like no matter what I do or where I turn, I find no luck in friendship. People ghost me, isolate me or don’t keep their word. Even in places of work. 

I used to work in an office setting with older people and thus I longed for friendships with people my age. However, I am now in an industry that is primarily a female social setting of my demographic. This is something drastically new to me as I’ve predominantly had male friends and I’m already the odd man out. Things are very cliquey 

I’m kind of heartbroken because it seems anything I’m good at or have invested in requires me to be a great social person, which I seem to suck at. I try to be kind, humorous and courteous! I’m genuinely confused as to why I get the response that I do 

To give an example. Something that always rings in my mind when I beat myself up: I was told by an acquaintance years ago that a girl was going around telling a social group that knew me, not to be my friend. Yikes 🥴
Don’t know what I ever did to her 

I’m starting to think that being a bit lonely was way better than being around loads of people who count me out. I really love my different crafts and have invested in them (materials, schooling, etc.) but I’m starting to think I need to work in isolated settings to be less heartbroken even though it fucking sucks. I’m not sure if I’m self sabotaging again.

Has anyone felt this way? I’d really love to hear from other people with BPD