Got to sleep in reeeeeally late today, til 1:30 PM. When I woke up, my bf had me get ready (we live together) to go to a little local lunch place to eat and hang out. As soon as we walked out the door, he realizes I accidentally locked us out of the house. He has to make his way around the house to find an unlocked window to climb in.

My narcissistic boss chooses that moment to call (I’m not on the clock today) and ask how my personal life is doing. I tell her, impulsively, that I locked us out of the house and she laughs something about that being typical, for me.

He gets us in the house, I apologize and that’s that. We drive to lunch. I feel guilty and sheepish and stupid and just gray. I feel weird but succeed at being present in conversation with him. ❤️ we spent some cool quality time together yesterday.

Then we go to the hardware store. I’m injured so walking slow behind him and generally just disengaged and melancholy. At one point he goes to another aisle and I just... stay in the aisle and zone out looking at some appliance shit and wanting to be alone.

Fucking with my sleep schedule and daily routine just takes my sense of purpose and completely blows it up. Once I get disoriented in where/when I am for even a little, I’m just fucked for the day. I hate it. Dissociating feels so good and bad and empty all at once.