Every time my life starts to get better I get uncomfortable, I'm not used to it. After waiting years I was finally approved for SSI and have been able to pay my own bills for the first time. I'm living with my boyfriend and I love him a lot, we have 2 cats who I love and also a pet mouse... Everything is great and I don't feel suicidal anymore... But it feels weird? I have been suicidal for years so to not be able to have that as some kind of safety net "oh I can just kill myself if x happens" and now that I don't want to die I just feel kind of lost? What do I do now if I have all these years ahead of me? I didn't plan on lasting this long. 



Tldr not suicidal anymore but lost because happy is not normal for me