I'm someone who was born into lots of responsibilities and had a difficult upbringing. My difficult upbringing made me suicidal for the longest time and I guess I still never really completely fixed those inner emotional problems. I very deeply want to commit suicide but I cannot because I know that I have responsibilities to fulfill, yet I'm constantly procrastinating because those things are insufferable. My actions don't reflect my heart and I don't really know what's wrong with me. It makes me hate myself and as a result I feel even more suicidal.