I (f24) lived with my FP (m20) for about a year. Things got out of hand, I got really bad when my friend died and he got bad when his mom died and everything was just really chaotic for a while. He broke up with me in February and I ended up in a mental hospital, we didn’t speak for three weeks and suddenly he got back into my life again. Since then we’ve been really on and off. We usually see each other on the weekends, and fight during the week or don’t speak at all. He stopped saying “I love you” a while ago, he told me last week that he doesn’t love me anymore, and I thought that was the final straw. But no. We made a deal about going on a trip a month from now, and in the meantime we would try to keep the contact on a minimum. That didn’t last long (he just left my apartment again.) 
He still kisses me, does all these nice things for me and I am not sure if I believe that he doesn’t love me anymore. He wouldn’t spend that much time with me if he didn’t, and wouldn’t agree to go on a trip with me, right? Am I stupid for thinking he still loves me? What do I do? I understand that this is really toxic, but I can’t let him go..... I want so bad for it to work out.