I'm currently on a vacation with my family and everybody's happy. I was too but idk why I just started to feel very heavy and overwhelmed by my thoughts and now I'm crying in the car. My family doesn't know thanks to the face mask I'm wearing (gotta thank the pandemic too ig) actually, they never see me cry randomly so that's good I guess? It's m first time crying this much outside of the house tho. I really can't believe this is happening. My jaw hurts from trying to silent myself. My teeth are chattering as if I'm freezing and I can't feel my fingers. It's been a while since I had a breakdown like this but what's more upsetting is I'm literally breaking down in public. My mask is so wet rn and I feel uncomfortable I just wanna run away from everyone and have time for myself. I've been having random breakdowns for two years now and I thought I was getting better but I guess I was just holding everything in for these past few months. It's gonna be Christmas soon and I feel so fucking awful. 

We're on the way to the restaurant rn and I'm trying not to cry too much but i think it's too late for that cuz my nose is already red and the tears won't stop flowing. We're on the way to my cousin's house too..

Does anybody know how to not breakdown at random times? I try to control myself all the time and it worked a few times but sometimes I just can't hold it in anymore and the breakdown is more intense than I think. I feel weak lmao I was always the strongest amongst my other friends I don't think they'll ever know about this crybaby side of mine.

Sorry for saying too much, I run to reddit whenever I have a problem since I'm anonymous and the people here were responsive too. But I wish I could just tell someone I know irl about everything.