I’m 19. I promised myself to continue living for this year, in the hopes that I would gradually get better, but nothing has changed and things have only become worse, leaving me unsure of what to do next. Soon, I'm going to hang myself. I've written about it, spoken with my family, sought treatment, and tried medicine. Nobody has really made an effort to help me, nobody cares, and none of it has been beneficial to me. Instead, everyone is criticising, disagreeing, and passing judgement on me. I'm so overcome with such self hatred for myself,  that I can't even force myself to look in the mirror. I feel useful despite how alone I am and how I simply exist for the sake of it. 

Nothing in this world is keeping me here, so I'm drowning in loneliness and it never ends. Maybe for you, reader. Maybe it's not true, but right now it seems like the only thing I have in store for the future is a depressing, lonely life. Sincerely, I don't want to live anymore, it would be better if I passed away. I occasionally see people enjoying themselves and living their lives only I have is self hatred anxiety and loneliness. I hate who I am, and I don't want to ever live again. I'm sick and tired of being alone. 

I rarely able to keep a conversation going when I do have the opportunity to speak with someone. I would stutter and not know what to say too well. if I made any attempt to communicate with a girl that would not go well as recently I tried too. I find it difficult to express anything I'm thinking. Who on earth would have the patience to listen to me out? I had no idea how I was going to have a discussion with someone. I find it difficult to talk to them. In addition, I'm not worthy of anyone's attention given how dull and uninteresting I am. This road for me has come to an end.