i fucking hate myself. i hate who i am. i fucking hate everything about myself. my mum doesn't deserve a daughter like this. i think of my baby photos and who i used to be when i was younger, i made her so much happier back then. i hate drinking. i hate drugs. i hate being alive. i want to kill myself every day but i couldn't put my mum through that. i am such a disappointment to her. i haven't achieved anything that she could ever be proud of. i love her so much but she deserves a a better daughter. i have no hope for the future. i wish i could make my mum so much happier. i want to change but i won't ever be good enough. i don't know who i am, or who i will ever be. everyone hates me. life isn't worth living when it's a cycle of hatred, sadness and torture