I have no idea what’s going on with me because I met this girl (online) and she lives pretty close to me, but we haven’t met up because our schedules don’t interact well with her constantly working and my work/school schedule. 

I like her because she’s been through some rough things and we shared common interests. She’s nice to me, but any form of a relationship where I am treated positively is detrimental.

Not pull up the DBT shit, but I realized that my brain is so black and white with rational mind and wise mind.

My wise mind says: She clearly likes me in some form as we’ve almost been talking for two months. She’s busy and dealing with her own mental health issues so that’s why we haven’t talked. She is nice because this is a genuine attribute she has gained through her experience. You are not in love with her, you just like her as a person. You do not want a relationship. When she’s ready, maybe you’ll meet up. She doesn’t have to do anything. Just remain friends.

Rational mind: She said she likes you and thinks you are cute, but likes you as a friend and overall person.

Emotional mind: She ignores you because she may just want your attention to make herself feel better don’t feed into it. She only talks to you because she pities you. She’s secretly a horrible person. You need to cut her out of your life because she’s going to leave you empty and destroy everything. You are in love with her. She is perfect. She is everything you want in a girlfriend. She is the epitome of everything beautiful. You want to be with her forever. She’s probably in love with a guy and using you as a tool to fill her other needs.


Yesterday, I was so upset with this idea that she is in love with other men beside me and using me as a tool because I saw some “evidence” and I had a panic attack. I felt oddly betrayed in a sense and I told my friend that I think I have a problem, Earlier in the week, I admitted to liking her romantically and her response was odd. He advised me that this was me being infatuated, not in love. I talked to him about her as if she is an attention seeking which I mean, everyone likes attention, but this was me devaluating her. He told me that I should probably stop talking to her and I decided I was going to for the sake of my mental health. I walked in the rain for a good hour after realizing all of this was related to splitting in which I had to tell her that I thought I liked her because she is attractive and she’s an overall good person, but I intrinsically know that I don’t even want a relationship and like her as a person. In which basically repeated the same thing to me which was nice and reassuring.

We talked about the issues surrounding our lives and mundane stuff. It was nice and currently I feel okay, but there is this feeling in the back of my head telling me that I’m going to do this all over again with her. 

How do you stop the splitting cycle? For me, it’s improved so much because I would have NEVER used wise mind. How do you use wise mind first and STICK with it? How do you redirect your thoughts when splitting?


