Why would bad things happen to me if I wasn't a bad person? In 2014-15 I almost had my shit together I liked myself, I almost loved myself,  I left my abusive girlfriend, things were going good.

And then a bunch of horrible things happened, I was living with an abusive roommate, was with a new manipulative partner, I was working at a job I hated and then it turned out they were paying me too much the whole time and they cut my pay by $4 and I was living in poverty (I still am)  I disassociated everyday and felt like I was in hell.  I hated myself, I felt like a failure, I felt like it was all my fault. All of that brought back up my childhood trauma of my dad abusing me.

Why would bad things happen to me if I'm a good person? Why would my dad beat me if I didn't deserve it? I feel like I'm just pure evil and I caused everybody to hurt me.

And now that I'm finally with a partner who's not abusive I can't believe anything nice say say about me, I just hate myself so much and I cause them so much trouble.

I've been doing DBT but I'm just not getting better fast enough, I'm ruining everybody's lives around me by existing. I don't know what to do, I just want to be good so badly but I feel like I'm pure evil just because of everything my dad said.