I am constantly terrified that nothing is real. I read everything I see as some kind of sign that everything is constructed and that I need to break through to an actual reality. My worst fear is psychosis because I've experienced it in the short term, but I'm so scared of getting stuck that way. I am also always afraid I'm going to die or that I have a health issue. I can't take any drugs even tylenol or caffeine without thinking it will either kill me or mess with my brain chemistry to the point that I'll never feel normal again. Every time I have a panic attack I feel more suicidal than I do when I'm actually severely depressed because the first thing I'd ever do if I disconnected from reality is that. I can't keep living this way, I'm not even suicidal just exhausted. I can't take anxiety medication (was prescribed Lexapro today) because I've heard it can make some people experience worse anxiety or mania or other things that alter their reality and it's my worst fear. What can I do? I'm so tired it's been years of this and I can't keep living like this.