Short summing up:
Diagnosed BP type 2, realized it myself a few months back, officially a few days ago. 

Had horrible depressive episodes (atypical depression, so can hide it well from my surroundings and only showed a lot of weight gain, which made my mum hate me, which obv didn’t help). 

Few hypomanic episodes, mostly ending with some social event where I got called out for my over the top behavior, or worse, when I pushed my limits during sports (three super serious injuries). 

Finished high school and been running around like a maniac for 3 years now, from deep depression to high performing and getting offered great jobs even though I don’t have the neccessary education for it. Started 2 degrees and stopped studying due to heavy depression every time. 

Just came out of one and even though I’m on lithium I’m starting to see the signals again, spending more money than I actually should, starting to share my diagnosis with everyone, sudden absolute urge to get laid, motivation for sports back. 

But now I know that this is just an illness tricking me, trying to get me to overdrive so I can crash again. Why do you guys keep up the fight? Im always really good at stuff, great academic success in school, could probably choose any career path ever etc., but I just don’t see any point. 

Every day seems to be a fight to either not want to kms or to not act like an absolute fool. The only relationship I ever had was rushed by hypomania and destroyed by depression. And looking at statistics the lookout is fucking bleak. Even though my body is vibrating with a great feeling I just don’t seem to find any will to actually get anywhere. I can get up and do anything I have motivation for, that’s likely the hypomania speaking again, but I just do not seem to care anymore. I always strived for a great career and seemingly had the possibilities but with this illness it’s just probably not possible to live life like I wanted to.