im sorry this is long. i know im probably a shit person, i dont want to be and i dont know what to do, but i assume all of this is my fault. secondly i made a post about this months ago when it first happened on a different forum so if someone recognises the story that's why. also im sorry if this is the wrong sub, ive posted to r/ dogs before and it was all about the dogs behaviour and i honestly need help with getting yelled at because im already trying to work on my dogs behaviour.

&amp;#x200B;

im 23 and ive had severe social anxiety since i was 13 from high school. i used to never leave the house, but as i've gotten older i've been able to get to a point where i am able to leave the house and go to most places that i want to go to though i still can get very nervous around people.

&amp;#x200B;

i had an incident a few months ago when i was walking my dogs. i have two dogs, one big (35kg) and one small (about 7kg). my little dog is really sweet and friendly but has never liked other dogs, i dont know why, he was my mums dog until a few years back when she gave him to me because she was too ill to take care of him. 

&amp;#x200B;

because of this when i walk them i avoid other dogs and ive never had a problem. one day when i had a terrible nights sleep i was out of it and entirely accidentally dropped his lead while passing a woman, her dog and her child who was strapped into a pram (my dog never went anywhere near the pram and the child remained in the pram the entire time). 

&amp;#x200B;

he immediately goes after her dog, yapping at it and chasing it and the woman loses her mind, screaming like she's being murdered for about 30 full seconds and running around making it really hard for me to grab the lead again. finally i manage to grab the lead, all the while my big dog was totally calm and didnt intervene. 

&amp;#x200B;

i apologised profusely, immediately try to explain it was an accident and ask if her dog is ok multiple times. she yells at me to not let my dog off the lead (he wasn't) and storms off, ignoring me. 

&amp;#x200B;

i understand why she's angry, i would also be startled if a dog appeared out of nowhere aggressive, for all she knew he was going to seriously injure her dog or her child. it was a terrifying situation for me too because i fucked up out of nowhere but im the one in the wrong so i just felt really bad and didnt know what to do afterward. 

&amp;#x200B;

her screaming nearly sent me into a panic attack because it was the loudest most visceral screaming ive ever heard, and it went on and on and on, it lasted at least that full 30 seconds. i do not know why she screamed like she was being slowly mauled by a bear. 

it was extremely scary, it was half the reason why that situation was so shocking for me. i 100% understand her being pissed, i understand her being startled. but i cannot understand why she was behaving as if she was being killed. loud noises trigger my anxiety and i nearly passed out when she started screaming. 

i still dont know how to deal with hearing that noise.

&amp;#x200B;

months go by and nothing happens, i never have another incident, my dogs both are easy to walk and i dont have any trouble. finally one day im walking them both, they're both calm and this lady pulls up in her car, yelling "excuse me" i didnt recognise her but she starts screaming and yelling at me again, and i mean screaming at the top of her lungs, about how my dog is evil, aggressive, dangerous and tried to kill her, her dog and her child. she says she will report me if she ever sees me outside again and that i need to stop walking my dogs outside because they are a danger to other dogs and people. my little dog definitely is confrontational with other dogs, but they both like people. 

&amp;#x200B;

i again profusely apologise, say it was a total accident, ask her if her dog is okay and i would've been willing to pay for any vet appointment she had to make and she continues to ignore me and yell at me. at this point im having a full blown internal panic attack and am shaking, feel like i cant breathe and everything i say comes out as weak stutters. 

&amp;#x200B;

when she finally stops screaming at me i try to explain myself again and apologise again because i had no idea what else to do and before i can finish my sentence she shakes her head at me with a revolted look on her face and drives off. 

&amp;#x200B;

i could barely think straight at that point and was shaking, so i just immediately went back home with both the dogs. 

&amp;#x200B;

since then ive tried to walk them separately and later in the day to avoid people and also at a different part of the neighbourhood to avoid the chance of her seeing me. but im absolutely terrified she'll appear again out of nowhere and say she's calling the ranger to have them both removed (even though my big dog never did anything, he's very calm, but i assume she would just claim they're both dangerous). 

&amp;#x200B;

i dont know how to get the little dog to stop being aggressive to other dogs, everything ive tried and every behaviourist ive tried hasn't made a difference in his behaviour. he's 8 years old and he's been like this his whole life, i dont think my mum ever trained him and as a kid i never thought anything of it. 

&amp;#x200B;

now as an adult i know its an issue so i always had done my best to avoid other dogs and had succeeded until now. i dont know how else to walk them without feeling like she's going to appear and scream at me again and take the dogs away to be put down. thats great because the dogs are pretty much the only good thing in my left stopping my shit mental health from spiralling into severe depression.

&amp;#x200B;

im making this post because i dont know how to cope with having been screamed at twice. the first time i at least understood that i was the one who deserved it even though i feel conflicted about that because it was an accident and i still dont know how to fix it. 

&amp;#x200B;

but now im honestly still shaking and feel like im going to pass out. it was hard to even process what was going on when it happened, what she was saying, where i was and what i was supposed to say back. i want to cry, i want to hurt myself cause i feel like a horrible person and like im doing everything wrong. it was a total accident that i dropped the lead but i cant take it back now. 

&amp;#x200B;

i am so fucking terrified of going outside again, i cant stop replaying her yelling at me over in my mind and im so fucking scared. even just thinking of going outside is making me shake like crazy and gasp for air. ive worked so hard to fix my anxiety since high school and all because i was tired and dropped a lead accidentally im reverting right back to that state again and i hate myself. i dont want to lose my dogs cause i love them so much but this is all my fault.

&amp;#x200B;

how the fuck do you cope with being screamed at? i feel like someones just held a gun to my face, which i know is ridiculous, but due to my social anxiety this sort of thing is one of my worst nightmares and now that its come true i dont know how to leave the house to ever walk the dogs again without feeling like someone will appear and yell at me.