Its so stupid and irrational, he held a knife against my throat and he choked me until I almost passed out and I dont even know what would've happened if he didn't start to feel bad about it after I kept coughing and gasping for air while blood trickled down my neck. He left and is now spending the night downstairs. But I kust feel like he abandoned me and I can't stop crying about it. I wanna go downstairs and look for him to make sure he's still here but i wouldn't be able to handle it if he went home. I feel so insecure right now, and a part of me knows its really fucked to think like this because he just hurt me and I shouldn't be the one apologising and begging for him to stay. I just really can't handle him abandoning me