"You're nobody until someone loves you"

Stupidest. Saying. Ever. Period. It's so bad, I won't even listen to the song of the same name. I hate this saying because it implies that to *not* feel worthless, someone *has* to accept you (although if this has happened to you that's teriffic!). I just feel seeking approval from others or relying on finding a romantic partner to get out of depression can actually worsen it because you're more sensitive to rejection and less accepting of affection. Approval of others is also something you have limited control, so it's like saying you have no control over your self-worth. There are people who recovered from abusive families, abusive relationships, addiction, and violence. Most of them say the key is to *love yourself* first...then you naturally believe in yourself and that you **are** someone worth every bit of salt in your body. ***You*** have to accept ***you***. ***You*** have to forgive ***you*** for your shortcomings. And it's **hard** to do, but it **can** be done. And it's non-binary and can have varying phases...sometimes you love yourself just a little, sometimes you love yourself a lot, sometimes you have no love (and those are in no particular order...plus it's a ongoing cyclical process.) But you **are** someone, **regardless** if someone loves you.

&amp;#x200B;

"Love will find you when you are not looking"

I wish I had someone tell me **not** to believe this when I was young...in the context of my own life, this quote has proven to be of little value. If I knew, I would have put more work in the right places. I've been single for a **longggggg** time...waiting for someone to be attracted to me....so I don't get this saying. I mean, I get that sometimes when you get tired of going through countless dating profiles and/or dates, getting incompatible matches, getting rejected by someone(s) you do have interest, and (if you are like me) perhaps not even arouse *anyones' interest at all*...in that case yes, a person does need to believe that to have hope...I get it, and to a degree it is true. But most of the time when a person says 'it happened when I wasn't looking', what happens is this: person goes on many failed dates, gives up, takes time to work on hobbies and personal stuff, then meets someone 'coincedentally'. They may/or may not realize that what's happening is that when you are 'looking for love', you have expectations for someone to fill *very* specific voids in your own life. Then, instead of looking for those needs in someone else, you find ways to fulfill those voids yourself. You no longer need someone to fill those voids. Then, you don't have those very specific expectations and are happy with yourself, and it becomes more natural for someone to be attracted to you and you are more open to being attracted to others. Hell...I've never even had a girlfriend before. I used to ashamed of it. But not anymore. Why? Because I believe the saying, "Love will find you when you are not looking" is more ***properly*** rephrased as, "Love happens when you look for it in yourself." Love does not 'find' you. If you are feeling worthless because love doesn't seem to 'find' you...just stop. Rethink. Love is a fire that comes from **within**, not without. It's starts with you...and it takes hard work over time...like starting a fire with a bundle of hay, a stone, and a stick. You get exhausted from trying, time and time, rubbing sticks together, only to have a tiny spark diminish in front of your eyes. But like the movie 'Cast Away', you keep learning how to make the process more efficient with each disappointing fail. You **will** eventually turn that tiny smoking twig into a small flame, and that flame into a fire. Others will come to you for the light and warmth that fire brings to them and vice-versa. Love is an inward fire that spreads outward, not the other way around.

&amp;#x200B;

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"

And I suppose you miss 100% of the winnings for every lottery ticket that you don't buy. So if I spent a million bucks on lottery tickets and didn't win a dime, it's worth it cause at least I tried, *right*? My wallet would say otherwise. Sometimes the odds feel hopeless, so I give up, and then I get told this. Wayne Gretzky coined this phrase as a means of saying, 'Don't be afraid to try." Yes absolutely! And if this is you, yes, don't let fear stop you from trying! But if you are like me, and keep missing every shot you take (or even sometimes, don't even know how to shoot or what to shoot at), it gets to be diminishing to self-confidence...and likewise, in turn, keep missing even more shots. Even Wayne Grezky, as a coach, would not tell a player to keep shooting if that player kept missing the net for several games. It's not conducive to winning. He would find another role for that player than team sniper (at least for the time being). He would likely that tell that player to pass the puck instead. Have him work on making playmaking. Have that player practice his shot accuracy during practice to improve confidence. How does that metaphor work? If you keep missing ***and*** you are getting depressed about it, stop. Re-plan. Find councellors. Find therapists. Practice whatever you are working on in a safe environment. Rethink how you are doing something and how you can do it better by seeing missed shots as learning, not failing. Build confidence by doing things that you feel you can succeed. Even small things. *Then take every shot you can*. Actually, I like Disney's 'Mighty Ducks' quote better: "What do all good hockey teams got? DEFENSE! It's easy to be confident when you have the puck. It's very difficult to keep that confidence when you have to take whatever strange bounces life throws your way. Don't be careless, but don't be too careful either. *You cannot be afraid to lose*. That's how you \*attack\* the game when this puck isn't yours. **That's how you attack life**, even when you think you have no control...that's how you play real hockey."

&amp;#x200B;

"When life closes a door, it opens another"

Can I tell you how many times for me that life closed a door, **none** opened in return, leaving me trapped in a dark corner??? I'd have to pick locks, pry, jam, kick my foot in doors, just to stay sane. And after pounding those doors open, it would lead to nothing but an empty closet or dead end...leaving me no where to go but the way I came in. Felt like going in circles. Felt like a maze. I broke down and cried. All I can say that (for me), the saying above is a poor metaphor for life to begin with. I think of my own life more as forging a katana sword, than a maze of doors. You get plunged into fire. You get hammered. You get cooled off. Repeat. But I can say this: with each time it happens, I get stronger. I get more versitile. I get more sharp. And each time the hammer falls, my impurities get pounded out of me. And it feels good to feel stronger, versitile and sharp.

&amp;#x200B;

Ok that's all...if I think of more 'inspirational quotes' I think are stupid, I'll let you know.