tldr at the bottom! 

My bf (26) is BPD, and has serious trust issues stemming from his childhood. He also gets quite angry very quickly. This plays out frequently when something small will make him think I’m cheating on him (I’ve never cheated on anybody, including him, and I never would), and then he breaks up with me in the worst way - he’ll do it via text, won’t answer my calls, and when I inevitably go to his house crying, he’ll drag me on this emotionally draining cat and mouse game where he decides it’s fine, we won’t break up - no actually, he was lying, we are breaking up. He never apologizes and he rarely takes responsibility for his actions or the trauma it causes me, even when I legitimately did nothing to deserve it or to make him think I would cheat on him. 

I know he does this because he’s BPD and he needs the validation of seeing me show how much I need him in my life, and because it’s hard for him to manage his emotions. The worst part is that it’s not just a bad fight - if I don’t cry enough or fight hard enough, we WILL break up. He’ll walk away and he won’t come back. It’s part of how he protects himself but it makes it basically impossible to have a long term relationship. 

I’m tired. I need him to show me that he wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him. I need him to be committed to me. I can handle the emotional manipulation and trust issues if I knew that we could have a fight, be angry and still be together the next day, but that isn’t how it is. We’ve talked about this, and he said he would go to therapy to deal with the trust thing, but I don’t think he actually wants to change. 

Is there anything I can do about this? Any way I can talk him through his anger or when he thinks I’m cheating that doesn’t include me crying and begging him to stay with me? I want to stay with him, i care for him deeply, but I know that next time we fight I won’t have the energy or capacity to give him the emotional response he wants and that will probably be the end of us.  If there’s a way I can avoid this, it would be better. He says he cares deeply for me and wants to make this work - I hope he means it but I’m not sur. 

TL;Dr: my bf has trust issues, always thinks I’m cheating for no reason and will break up with me bc of that unless I cry and beg enough. What can I do when he’s angry and thinks I’m cheating to work through the fight in a less toxic and emotionally draining way? Especially if he’s always willing to break up?