(all of this sounds silly putting it in words but it really hurts so please don’t laugh at me)

me and my boyfriend just got back together after being split up for about two months.
the first time we were together it was a DREAM. but he ended up dumping me for bpd related issues. 
the only issue i had with him the first time was that he seemed kind of ashamed of me. like he never talked about me or posted any pictures of me on social media and he didn’t have any pictures of us. but i told myself he just wasn’t the type to be cute in public and let it go. 

while we were broken up he got back with his ex. they were together a week and in that week he posted a picture of them on instagram captioned how much he loves her. 

since we’ve been back together he still hasn’t posted anything about me/even have any pictures of us but he still has that picture of him and his ex kissing on his phone. and it took me being a drama queen before he deleted the picture of his ex off instagram 

so he clearly is the type to post cute stuff.

just not with me. 

whiiiiiich i do understand. 

let’s be really honest for a second : i’m very ugly. 

which is fine. looks aren’t everything. but i think my boyfriend is ashamed of me. because he’s very pretty and i’m very not. 

so i got very in my head and decided my bf is very ashamed of me and doesn’t want to be seen with me (so logical.)

i panicked and deleted all the pictures of us on the internet. 
i love my boyfriend and i think he loves me 
and i bet this is all just my brain blowing things way out of proportion. as always. 

but there’s this piece of me that’s like BUT WHAT IF THIS IS THE TIME YOU’RE RIGHT 

which is also probably my bpd. 

and typing this out feels silly. and reading it feels silly. but i can’t stop believing it. 

and how could i ever talk to him about this? it sounds fucking crazy

i’m just so tired of fighting battles that don’t exist.