I don't have bpd, but my husband of over 2 decades does. He has quiet borderline and bipolar2. I knew he had depression but he didn't tell me anything "negative". 

I love this man, but I am struggling. He was diagnosed after a bad episode that included seeing sugar babies for months. He "fell" for two of them (there were many more), so I was betrayed in every way possible. He has never cheated on anyone before, this is not typical for him.

The two he fell for were terrible to him. One of them was mean at times and told him she hated him, the other mostly ignored him for weeks at a time and didn't return most texts. He has come a long way with meds, therapy, and dbt. He is being open and transparent for probably the first time in his life. After almost 2 years of steady growth and taking responsibility for what he did, I believe what he is telling me about how they treated him.

He is seeing that he was self destructive. It's a pattern that he has acted out in almost every relationship he has had. Not the cheating, but finding disinterested or emotionally abusive people. I am seriously the one exception, because I was loving and caring. I never said mean things and I was supportive. We weathered things most couples wouldn't make it through. 

I am starting to view what he did as emotional cutting (he agrees). I am hoping you guys can give me some input on the emotional drive to trash your life... I have never been self destructive so I have a hard time grasping it. He also drove drunk and had unprotected sex, which I can see as self destruction. I just don't get the falling for people you have nothing with. In his relationships before me, I thought his terrible partners were because he was lonely and depressed. I would appreciate any help understanding this. 

Please don't tell me to leave him, I haven't decided what to do yet, but I want to understand before I decide. As you can imagine, this has been brutally difficult.