After years of trying to find my real self and understand who I am, I’m realizing I basically have two main personality styles. One part of me has NPD traits and the other has severe BPD. When something triggering happens, one part of me indulges in grandiosity, has that ridiculous narcissistic anxiety of not being perfect and not being able to control everyone and everything, feels no empathy, experiences flashes of rage, plays the victim. The other part feels suicidal, wants not to exist, experiences dissociation, rollercoaster idealization-devaluation, is extremely influenced by others, is very emotional, very perceptive of the emotions of others. These two sides are pretty much constantly at war, especially if I’m stressed. How do I heal? If the NPD side has its way, I end up ruining relationships, losing jobs, losing money. If the BPD side wins over completely, I become suicidal. 