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i wake up everyday feeling nothing, i wake up everyday to get on my computer and play through my struggles, gaming is an escape for me, gaming makes me feel emotions, i know it’s not “manly” to cry but i am sitting here alone crying about how i hate my life, i’m a lazy person who doesn’t do shit for themselves and doesn’t care for themselves, i hate my life, around other people i’m scared to interact because of my anxiety, i am thinking constantly on what i can say to make me fit in or be cool, i am constantly thinking about what other people are thinking about me, gaming alone takes this all
away, what’s the point of being here, i am scared to talk to anyone because i hate the word no or being rejected, i am scared to talk to my father because he gets angry for no reason, i have to build my self up for a couple days before i even ask to hang out with a friend( i usually just say i’m busy or just never ask) , i never had many friends because i was never allowed to do what the other kids did, i am 16 and have to get in bed at 10pm, i am a teen who sits in bed for hours feeing anxious and sad all the time, i only feel slight happiness when gaming, gaming is the only thing i care about, if i never had a sister there’s a good chance i wouldn’t be alive right now, i hate living but i don’t want to commit suicide, if given the option to randomly not exist i would take it in a heartbeat, i hate the person i am, i miss the mother who passed when i was younger, sometimes i still never grasp that i will never be able to see my mother again, never get to hug her or talk to her or be her kid again, i wish i never existed, i hate that i do, late at night i always think i’m going to be productive the next day then i wake up with 0 motivation to do anything except play video games, what’s the point of doing something that you don’t feel, my dad has ruined my friendships in both online and in real life, i always told people my dad said no and while on a decent amount of occasions that was true but on other i was just to scared to ask him, my dad claims i can talk to him about anything and he won’t get mad but as soon as i mention something he doesn’t like hearing like about a bad grade or a missing homework assignment i instantly bashed and insulted, my dad has an excuse when i’m lazy and he says “your 16 and u can’t even do this” but i’m 16 and still have a bedtime, he wants me to act like a young adult but then he treats me like a kid, my dad claims all these things but then his true side comes out when something angers him, i hate my life, why did i have to be born, why?