I think I’m getting better but I still feel horrible sometimes. This is a new rumination, please read

So I’m battling POCD and Pure O.

I was sitting in bed this morning and I thought about how I used to watch videos and listen to podcasts while I masturbated. These videos/podcasts weren’t what got me to masturbate I was rather thinking about something that I found attractive, and I would end up just thinking about that rather then the video/podcasts.

But then I got worried that what if the video/podcasts contained a child or something and I went through with my thoughts even while in the presence of that? I remember me stopping what I was doing because I would tune back into the video and I found myself uncomfortable, but I feel like there were times that I went through with these circumstances, even though I can’t remember them.

Is this even forgivable? Am I a creep?

Jesus Christ, I’m panicking right now, I just remembered that my little sister would sometimes have to walk past me to use the bathroom, cause I live in the basement and we have one next to me. And sometimes I would be in the middle of looking at porn and I would look out for when I heard her washing her hands so I could stop in time so I wouldn’t get caught. Now I’m wondering if that’s fucked up or was thinking about something wrong or some shit.