I don't know what the fuck I have but im miserable and  anxious all the time. I'm a young adult who got through school with good  grades and now am serving in my countrys military since we have a  mandatory military service. I have been forced to stay in the military  for a year. I have always worked through life robotically, pretty much  going through school that way aswell. I have felt insecure since  childhood as I'm fairly skinny but developed "moobs" at a young age  (never able to go anywhere without a thick hoodie on, and even then  constanly checking myself through mirrors and reflective surfaces,  seeing a repulsive fucking monster). I'm always thinking of what others think of me. Also got bullied not that severely, about my posture and dumb shit that I shouldn't care about. I have  always been in the same friend group but never really felt close to  anyone. I have started drinking heavily alone when I'm on vacation from the military. Doesn't seem to help though as I feel like it gets me even more depressed and thinking more about my worries. All this shit feels  so fucking pointless and teenage like when I'm an actual adult and I always have myself considering "why am I so fucking miserable all the  time?". I've never told anyone about this even though this shit has been  weighing me down for ages (probably since I was 11 or 12), I don't know  why I'm complaining this much online, as if this would help in any way.  I even had to make a new account here so that I wouldn't be recognized  in any way, since I'm so fucking ashamed of this.