I (f26) feel like I’m slipping into a bad depression again and I just want to give up. I’ve struggled with depression on and off since I was 12, I’ve previously been on medication and I’ve had counselling but I’ve never found anything that worked. During my worst depressive days I was suicidal, with various attempts and self-harm.
I’ve not self-harmed for about 3 years which is the longest period of not self harming but the urge to do this is creeping back in.
I feel so alone in life but I hate the idea of socialising. 
Lately my job is getting to me and I feel very trapped. I can’t leave because I can’t find anything that will pay me better or close to what I’m earning now and I have security there which I desperately need as I can’t afford life right now.
I honestly feel awful and I have no motivation to do anything. I feel I would be relieved if I just didn’t wake up but I know that’s not an option.
I just feel so trapped and so unhappy with everything.