I seek help with the a therapist although, I am in the military and the moment someone brings up “suicide” it’s a whole big thing and someone had to be with you the whole time and it’s really annoying. I have been suffering with my depression for a very long time. I was abused as a kid, and every single relationship I get in, I get cheated on and left broken. At this point, I feel as if I am destined to just say fuck it and pull the trigger. The only thing stopping me is that I keep forgetting to go to the gun store and picking up ammo. Another route I wanna take is just overdosing. I’ve done it before but wasn’t successful. When I am with friends I am okay, but the moment I step in my house, I am absolutely polar opposite. I am very social but when I’m not, I absolutely die in my own head. I just keep drinking, in fact I’m tipsy even writing this. I just wanna be numb forever. I am so tired of feeling things. I am just so done. I wanna just end it. I can’t.