I think there’s something wrong with me. I’m an extreme hopeless romantic, to the point where it’s genuinely a problem. My mind simply can not understand the idea of self happiness/fulfillment or self love. I mean, I don’t hate myself, I don’t even dislike myself. There’s a few things about me that I admire, I sort of don’t know myself, there’s nothing about me to love you know?

I’ve had chronic depression since birth, nothing makes me happy. I have no hobbies, no aspirations or goals in life. All I want is love. Having a career does absolutely nothing for me. I cannot fathom life without a romantic relationship in it. I also have severe social anxiety so I’m usually always alone and it’s miserable. I just want someone to share my life with so badly, I feel empty without someone by my side. People say don’t put your happiness on someone else.. but I don’t know how to not do that. The only time I was happy was in my last relationship. But he turned out to be a sociopathic narcissist who scammed me and sent me death threats. He told me he never loved me from the start and that he only pretended to love me because he didn’t want me to kill myself. And even after all of that, I kept trying to go back to him.. and I don’t even know why. That’s not normal. I wanted to get back together with someone who wished death on me, that’s not normal!!!

I just don’t know how to be happy without a relationship, maybe I’ll eventually be able to feel content without a romantic partner, but I don’t ever see myself being happy alone. It just feels so unnatural and incomplete when I’m alone. It’s at the point where I think I have a mental illness that I haven’t heard of before. Some kind of dependency issue maybe? If anyone can give me some insight on what you think is wrong with me, I’d love to know.