I would say I got a pretty bad childhood. Most of my friends told me that I am insane for disliking my dad. Even my mom told me that. But they don't know how it's like when your mom promises you that you both will move to another apartment, with a little doggo and you'll finally have your own room. They don't know how it is when your nine and you hear your parents fighting in the kitchen and you hear him punching your mom and you don't know what to do. I should have called the police. Instead I got dressed, packed my mom's and my bag and got all the money I had. It was dumb to think that you can get far with 100 bucks but I was hopeful, that we will finally leave this place. After this incident my mom never talked about leaving again and even got mad when I mentioned it. So I stopped. There was so much more stuff going on but honestly I kinda forget most of my memorise about my childhood. The good and bad ones. I never realized it until last week. I was drunk and mad at my bf and myself. And I just told him about that situation. I was so shocked after that because I just remembered this memory. It was like reliving the whole thing again. After that we talked a lot. I didn't tell him everything but we also talked about my ex bf and that I have anger issues since I was with him. I never had anger issues before so that's when my bf explained to me that I am not crazy or an asshole and that I just need a little help and should seek a therapist because he can't imagine living with such a monster and then being just perfectly fine. After this talk and after being alone by myself today, I thought about my whole past and remembered all the bad stuff I already forgot about. And I am finally ready to talk to a therapist. All these years I thought I was fine. I thought I was an asshole. My new friends and bf always tell me how nice I am and I can almost never believe it because everyone before told me how much of an asshole I am. My exbf always told me that there people with a way more shittier past then I am and they are perfectly normal. But I realized that I still need a therapist and that no one can turn out perfectly fine with a bad past