...forgive the acronyms, and I apologize in advanced for the long post.

I'm a codependent pos. In general, I need the approval of others to find happiness. This is how I was rewarded growing up. I am working on this and trying to gain self approval by seeking therapy and trying to be more proactive with my decisions - before I'm in too deep in a terrible situation. It's not perfect by any means and I still falter, but codependency is learned (from my parents in this case) so it can be fixed.

My girlfriend has BPD and so did my ex. I've had no other long term relationships before that, and have been single for 5 years. I dated my ex purely because she was my best friend at the time and pitied her more than anything when she expressed her feelings to me (classic codependent here). That ended horribly as I kept on feeling like a failure when I unintentionally did or said something even slightly wrong. She would never take the blame when I brought something up - or I could never articulate well enough as to why something upset me, and this often left me hurt. So I stopped bringing up things to her. We both didn't know what BPD was at the time, and only found out few years later. I felt as though if I understood more about BPD and how to handle the situation that it could have worked out better (not necessarily between us, but the whole situation and she/we could have sought therapy). 

&amp;#x200B;

And then somewhere along the line I realize how codependent I am. Awesome.

&amp;#x200B;

The Present: My girlfriend has been through traumatizing events recently and while growing up, and has trust issues from her previous relationships. When I found out that she had BPD, it only came natural to me to learn as much as I could so as not to make the mistakes I made before and to understand better. I love my girlfriend. Yes, *love* and not pity. I have the utmost respect for her. I understand that I am bound to say something  wrong eventually as I am human, and that it will feel like an emotional burn to her. I'll learn from this and we communicate enough to make sure I don't make the same mistake twice. But, sometimes it gets to me more and the codependent side of me takes over. For example, she had watched a video about something disheartening which she could relate to and I tried to comfort her. But in my effort, I also said something which could have been taken the wrong way... and it was. It felt as though I had burnt her so badly that I could not be forgiven. I was the one who had hurt her, yet I felt pain.

&amp;#x200B;

I can't remember the book - it was either walking on eggshells or something similar, where I read about a scary and (apparently) common scenario where someone seemingly helpless is matched with one who feels the need to rescue and take care of others. Somehow this fulfills the desire of protection and for the other, the need to feel important/protective/strong. Kind of like the post from yesterday [https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/9rtz2g/i\_attract\_broken\_people\_because\_i\_have\_a\_healing/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/9rtz2g/i_attract_broken_people_because_i_have_a_healing/)

&amp;#x200B;

I do not want to fall into the toxic codependent trap. I do not want to be the "saviour" or the "healer". I apologize that this post is about me and not too BPD focused. I love my girlfriend, and while the fear of abandonment is strong - I don't want us to end because there was something I could have done about myself and didn't.  Is there anyone else out there who's been through this or can offer advice?

&amp;#x200B;

TLDR: I am codependent and girlfriend has BPD. How do I navigate not hurting myself when I hurt her.