I’m a step mom, and my step son is 6. I get anxiety any time he is around, primarily because of his mom (my husbands ex). She is insufferable. She’s spread lies about me that have almost gotten me fired, keyed my car, tried to convince me he cheated on me, says awful things to me about my own son, etc. She’s done this so many times I’ve lost count. We finally decided to go no contact, and to only state NECESSARY info about my step son through email due to her abusive behavior. The problem is that even with this agreement, she finds ways to overstep, and I freak out. 

It was my husbands birthday today, and although she’s blocked on phone, she got her email address to attempt a FaceTime call at 11pm, and kept ringing and ringing. He blocked her now, and is annoyed by it too. I went into a full blown anxiety attack today from it. It just felt like she was back again, out to ruin our lives yet again, that she would do something else again. I know so many people have it worse, but as someone who has similar trauma from an ex and an anxiety disorder already, I literally can’t take this. I know it seems like nothing. But it’s the fact that she does this ALL THE TIME. She’ll create a new social media account to send horrible messages, pretend to be someone else to say something to get under your skin, everything. 

I love my husband. I want to have a better relationship with my step son. But at the end of the day I know my step son goes home to his mom, who hates us/me, and anything he tells her she will unleash her wrath, create a new account to harass me or my husband on.... it just is so much. It’s been 5 years and its still going on. I want to be able to cope enough to not dread every time step son is coming over worrying something will be said to her, that she’ll create a new email/phone number and call us incessantly... 

I don’t know what I’m asking for from here, but maybe understanding. These anxiety attacks take such a toll on my health and our relationship. But I don’t know what to do.