So I have posted something similar a few days ago but I think I just want some clarification on the topic. I also feel like because I base my identity off of my mental illness (I’m not proud of this) it has me thinking that maybe I have been lying to myself this whole time about having BPD. I have received an official diagnosis, and also had therapists tell me when I describe my experience it’s akin to BPD. However, some reason I feel less valid after doing more searching on limerence? Limerence seems to be an obsessive infatuation with a love interest that lasts for a very long time and doesn’t die down and is consistent. I relate a lot to this, as I have had a pattern of becoming obsessed with people for a very long time. However, when I feel rejected or things are not reciprocated (they usually aren’t) I seem to not split on the other person but in myself? I see myself as completely worthless and disgusting and that the potential person is the only one who can love me. It seems most people on this Reddit describe a similar experience with idealization (which I thought I was just dealing with) but when the affections aren’t returned they devalue the person outwardly. I have a propensity to still have this person on a pedestal but I also do harbor some resentment for the person. I’ve also had instances where I will try to get revenge against past lovers who I felt screwed me over or needed to be held accountable  for stringing me on after I idealized them. Would this be an example of devaluation? I’ve said some really awful and horrible things and gone out of my way to get negative attention from last heart breaks by being spiteful or just outright cruel. But I feel like even in those moments I still want them on that pedestal and start directing the hate towards myself. I also get jealous when others talk to or about someone I have put on a pedestal.