In 20s it’s all kinds of mess. In 30s, you get therapy and try to be better. Here’s how that goes:

1. Someone is generous with their attention and talking with me. So I allow them to be friend.
2. They ask to do things, I go along and am a great company 
3. I have problems, they are there to talk
4. They have problems, they open up and I help
5. Everything is fine. I don’t feel any need or push pull. Feel free to reach out when I feel like. 
6. ———— they start withdrawing 
7. I tell them about bpd
8. They say thanks for sharing
9. I think they’ll understand now and won’t withdraw. Wrong. They withdraw harder.
10. I get bitchy and tell them they should be more open
11. They confirm in their minds that I’m bpd 
12. My skin is broken and I feel gross. I want to run.
13. One day something greatly panicky happens and I explode into texts about my panic.. forgetting how they withdrew from me and hurt my self respect.

… what’s next? Idk. Anyone want to complete the story?