I always feel hurt by my partner, I constantly have to ask for advice to how upset I should be because I just don't understand human relationships. I get so upset at first I remove my messaging apps, turn of notifications because I don't wanna deal with it, I don't wanna think about it but I can't stop thinking about it and I have to spend days putting my thoughts in order to talk about why I'm upset, but once I talk to him I feel infinitely better.

 I feel left out by my partner, who doesn't feel I want to be invited to things anyway, maybe I do, maybe I don't, maybe I just don't want to feel alienated from the only person that makes my life better. I think about him at work, at home, because nothing else in my life is good. I'm tired all the time, i work work much, I don't feel like myself, I'm not good with people, so I cling onto thoughts of my boyfriend for dear life. 

I think rationally I'm not mentally ready for a relationship, I don't know what to expect, and sometimes i overreact, things upset me that don't upset others, sometimes I go silent for awhile, sometimes I'm toxic and I can admit to that. But I can't just break up with him because I do love him, and what would I have then? I just want to know how to do this, I want to know how to emotionally regulate myself and I want someone to give me all the answers.