im 18, and just got diagnosed. I have ruined so many relationships with paranoia and anger, and i feel like I'll never get better. I cant stand that every time i look for help on the internet it just tells me i intend to hurt those around me. I can't tell if im manipulative when i say i cant control a flare up. i want to hold myself accountable but i cant stop myself before doing anything impulsive yet. Im afraid that ill never get better, ill just continue saying 'im trying' and never actually see improvement. Im just afraid, and im scared. I feel like i should be kept in a box because i hurt so many people. 

I hope that doesn't really count as talking about stigma content online, im just new and its all overwhelming to come to terms with. Any advice, empathy, or just reassurance would be nice. How have you started recovering, what works for you?