I’m 21f and this is my first relationship and it’s honestly so exhausting. I assuming a lot of it is because of my BPD. Constant over thinking, wondering if he still loves me, if he misses me or even thinks about me. Crazy trust issues, expecting him to cheat etc. Sometimes I even get paranoid he is manipulating me some how. 

I find it hard to believe a lot of the stuff my boyfriend even says half the time. In way because I guess I feel like I’m not good enough or don’t deserve him. He used to say he wanted us to get our own place one day and I didn’t really say it back, I do want that but I didn’t believe him. I even struggle to believe when he compliments me or says he loves me. 

He has depression and it’s hard lately because he is withdrawing and of course I feel like it’s me. I’m scared to tell him I love him out of fear he won’t say it back, I want to tell him I miss him right now as we are in lockdown but I scared he won’t say that back too. I’m even scared to ask to do stuff with him out of fear of being rejected.