I always feel guilty posting here for support because I know everybody else also needs it but, I’m so tired.

I have to go to work in about twenty minutes. My SO is mad at me over mistakes I’ve made in the past that heavily damaged our relationship, things I did while manic and splitting. He’s not wrong for being upset, even if a lot of time has passed since I did those things. 

But life feels pointless if he’s not happy with me. I feel like slowly he’s going to lose interest in me and leave me. I don’t want to go to work but it’s only the third week and I need the money. I want to break down, like a helpless child.

I’ve started to feel like therapy is trash. Or my therapist is shit. Just a few days ago I felt like it was the only thing anchoring me to reality and objectivity, but now I feel like my therapist doesn’t really care about me. She just sits there and listens to me talk until she puts two and two together to say something. I think someone else here also pointed this out with their experience in therapy... I’m leading the session every time. Is that what it’s supposed to be like? 

I feel utterly alone. Just so tired. Don’t wanna try anymore just wanna let it crumble. But if I fall now I will never forgive myself. I’m so unbelievably exhausted.