My FP is really supportive and willing to help though since i am qBPD, being verbal about what's in my head isn't the best way for me to deal with mood swings and splitting because not only is it in my head, now it's out of my head in an open space where it's more than just me experiencing these things that I don't enjoy thinking about let alone talk about. Last night I was in the middle of an episode where the wall was down and I was able to talk, unfiltered though being completely aware I was going to regret it, like I do now, yet I kept talking. I then split later and was verbal about it and that honestly scared the shit out of me. Usually it's just the thoughts in my head, nobody is there to reply to it so it slowly fades. This then triggered a full on panic attack that I did not want to deal with in the middle of the night. It's hard to understand that with the mood swings and the splitting, it's black and white. You feel the emotion and when it's done, it's as if absolutely nothing happened. I'm glad that my FP wants to help but there's always that one thought: Nobody wants to deal with someone who is emotionally unstable. I get that they care and all but I don't think they understand how making me talk about it makes me feel...psychotic?