a lifetime of depression/anxiety takes a toll on a human.  i'm 47. 

* "i don't want to live like this."
* "i'm worthless."
* "i'm garbage."
* "i hate myself."
* "i want to jump off of a bridge."
* "none of this is worth suffering for."

it's a constant stream of thought that is exhausting to combat.  have i tried every single solution on the planet?  no.  i've tried \~90% of the solutions available for 20+ years.

life is still f'ing hard.  and exhausting.  i'm suffering in my own head and there is no relief.  no peace.  no joy.  it's a constant voice that never stops.  IT NEVER STOPS.

i'm at a loss.  i really am.  i have no answers.  i have no solutions.  i have no hope.