NOTE: I have posted a few posts on the r/ocd subreddit I've gotten a few upvotes on them but never a response, this is a copy and paste from the last post I made on r/ocd a few days ago.

 

I don't know if this has anything to do with OCD. If this is some other kind of mental health problem. Let me know what it is.

I had this one friend a few years back starting from around October 2015 with a girl who felt like my little sister I never had, at first she had serious mental health problems and was suicidal and been through so much. When she threatened to kill herself one time and came back a few days later saying she changed her mind about doing it. I'm not saying what website we met on. But once she made a new post a few days later I felt so relieved and I told her she felt like a sister to me and I don't know where such a heavily inflated attachment to someone so random and not very many interests in common came from. She felt much more like family to me than my actual family did. I felt like it was like living in a big brother little sister anime series. She liked anime too However back in 2018 I did something stupid enough to make her stop being friends with me and block me and even took a temporary break for a few months from the website because of this. She came back but now stopped using the website permanently (long story about that). I never heard from her ever since. However, for the first 6 months after she blocked me, I was handling my situation with her surprisingly well and took it well. But due to traumatic experiences, I had when developing other previous mental health problems before OCD. This has caused me to backslide in moving on from the situation and due to my mental health situation at the time after being discharged from the psych ward I felt like I needed her to be there for me, but even if I managed to somehow speak with her again about it she would NEVER, EVER believe anything I say no matter what ever. And I felt like that god (I used to be a Christian, not anymore. But because of suffering from a Religious Identity Crisis) put all of the problems that she suffered from before in the early days of our friendship and I started to suffer from her problems. This has caused me to compare myself the parallels between me and her and make me pretend I am her and make her my ultimate role model. Although despite that I decided to stop watching anime shows I started watching specifically because she got me into them. And times where I daydream when watching anime series's I eventually got into myself (months after recovery from Psychosis) where the 2 main characters are brothers and sisters, like Demon Slayer pretending the show is an alternate universe where we looked different, had different names, and we were literal blood-related siblings, like where I am Tanjiro and she is Nezuko. It makes it much more fun to watch the anime like this. But this obsession is not always a positive loving kind of obsession. All the time even when I am in my positive obsession phase whenever I hear her name from somewhere, whether it's talking about her or referring to some other girl with the same name. I get VERY ANGRY AND TRIGGERED and start freaking out. And during the negative hateful obsession times I feel things like even tho I only have myself to blame for why she blocked me, I decided to block her back even tho she doesn't use the website anymore, I hold grudges against her in these hateful periods. I haver kind of moved on again about this situation, but I still struggle daily with thoughts about her, daydreaming when watching anime pretending the shows are about us, and I sometimes wonder how things might've been different today if I never did what I did to make her block me. And recently I don't know if this is real or a coincidence. But I have dreams of me going on the website checking my notifications and seeing she sent me a message of her telling me she wants to make amends with me. I believe in the supernatural but I am not sure if this is supposed to be Telepathy or just dreams that come from my hearts desires.

Can you guys give me any advice on how I can deal with this problem?