Been thinking about it a lot. I’ve only been sober for 2 days now after a week long bender for my brithday. Nothing I wanted to do by this age happened and it probably never will. I’ll just be stuck at this boring black hole of a job for the rest of my life. I’ll probably fuck up every audition and big break I’ll ever get and I don’t even enjoy anything anymore. 
I going to get absolutely plastered one day and jump off a high bridge or take some pills or whatever and that will be perfect for me. 
Ppl will be upset for a bit but they’ll move on. I’m selfish for doing it anyway. Plus it’s just better for everyone and myself