I’ve never been “officially” diagnosed with depression or anxiety, but I’m a nurse and know the symptoms. I feel I’ve done a pretty good job of managing and seeing when I’m hitting a low. When I do, I feel my feelings and do the things I know help my mental health. I’ve never wanted to kill myself. 

The last two years have been hard, as I’m sure it’s been for everyone! When I graduated from school I fell into healthcare at the worst possible time and ended up working in a COVID icu. I was in autopilot for a little over a year while I was working but now that I’ve been out of that environment this past year, I realize how I might have PTSD from that. My job is a little more enjoyable in a different unit but I just don’t love it. On top of work, I came out two years ago (all well received luckily), dated a lot and found one of the best partners ever. I also had a parent unexpectedly die a year ago, who I was healthcare proxy for and POA. I had to make decisions to withdraw care then deal with estate stuff. I had been the only sibling living close to the parent and helping with everything. 

I’ve finally decided to seek out help for whatever is going on with me as I feel like it’s affecting my relationship and I really don’t want to mess that up. I tend to get self conscious and start feeling like my partner is annoyed with me or is pushing away, but in reality it’s just me making things up. Also, I don’t want to keep dumping emotions on my friends. While they are supportive, it makes me feel like a burden to them. 

Just venting and wanting to write things out. 😕