Just want to open up about how I've been feeling like I'm missing some serious opportunities for growth as a person and in my future career because of anxiety and depression being a hindrance to me.

I'm currently studying computer science. I've been seeing people share their university experience studying computer science and I saw that they've achieved so much just in their 1st year. Meanwhile, I'm about to be in my 2nd year and I can barely even catch up with the terminologies, let alone get the hang of coding!

I'm currently on my break, trying to destress but everyday I just feel so guilty for not being as enthusiastic about my studies. I spent so long in high school only ever caring about my grades and now I just feel like I'm not ready for college. 

Other students like me are probably out there making opportunities for themselves, joining clubs and student organizations, or applying for internships and studying on their own, while I could barely even get myself out of bed. I could be preoccupied with something that's going to help me secure a good future for myself but I'm not. Honestly, I feel like I've developed a serious inferiority complex. I just don't think I'm capable of many things at this point in my life.

I just wish time would stop for a while so I can catch my breath until I finally find it in myself to move forward. I'm so scared of being left behind and ending up as a failure. Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant if you made it till the end.