... But that's her problem, not mine. 

It sounds like a bad joke... It literally sounds like the biggest pile of shit ever, and it basically is. Throughout the year and a half that we've worked together she has been adamant about goals... Goals, goals, goals. I was adamant from the start that setting goals was something I was completely uncomfortable with; it's something I've considered a way of just setting myself up for failure. I thought she was trying to push my buttons every time she brought them up; turns out she was trying to push her preferred method of practice. 

She says I've made a lot of strides, and clearly what I'm doing is working for me, but it's not working for her. Basically - and as ridiculous as it sounds - she agreed that she isn't getting her needs met through our sessions. My *therapist* isn't getting *her* needs met through our sessions. I say... What the hell? She agrees she made a mistake letting it go on so long, and she's willing to see me on a monthly basis from now on instead of a weekly one with the idea of our sessions being 'boosters' to the support she's been offering. And that's another thing; she considers our sessions support and not therapy, which is what she doesn't want to provide, and I find it bizarre and insulting considering how much I've accomplished in a short amount of time, but clearly our definitions of therapy are just completely different. 

BPD or not... I'm not sure, but I'm left feeling rejected and abandoned, of course. I'm feeling frustrated and pissed off. I'm feeling like... If I just did what she wanted me to do (and be who she wanted me to be) as a patient, then I'd still have a therapist... And there's truth in that. I would still have a therapist if that were the case, but it isn't, and it won't be, so I'm left with a hefty shitty deal at a particularly intense time as I continue to reach for my 'goal' of *going on,* which up until now, I've been successfully doing with her on my side. I'm just about to start working in an environment that I've avoided out of fear since I began experiencing mental illness, while I'm also experiencing the first attraction I've had to anyone in the same city as me in 15 years (as if the first few months aren't triggering enough), while I have a full school load on top of that, and I'm just... Going on from a very bad place I left behind just two years ago *amidst* BPD, which involved being housebound for 3 years previously. She's seen me through this shit, only to absolutely lose her own shit on me last week, to now relinquishing me as a regular client, and her counter-offer to see me through until I get a new therapist (which she is willing to help find) is hardly an offer I take with thanks. 

The level of resentment I have right now is palpable. There are certain things she said that I read into and that leave me feeling like I have not been doing a good enough job for her standards, and this, too, irritates me. She seems to hyper-focus on the end-goal while I am trying to just manage the journey. Fine, we are different... We are *just different*, but fuck this timing, especially after forming a trust. 

So my therapist has just broken up with me. Hohum... I'm just going on.