I suffer from extreme anxiety and it has ruined the most important thing in my life.
My anxiety had made me think I wasn't good enough and that I was/am a piece of shit. I found out today that I caused my fiance to be unhappy and leave to try to find happiness elsewhere because I fought with him all the time. Three months later dealing with even more anxiety (to the point where i start to shake, forget to breathe and cry) I'm back here with him trying to work on things. I have gone through hell to get back here and I've been messing it up for the past three weeks. My anxiety causes me to self destruct and I don't know what to do. It causes me to freak out and it comes out as me arguing... I explained to him that I'm so sorry that I was the reason he was so unhappy and that it wasn't about him. I tried so hard to be a better person for him and I fucked it all up. I've been bad to myself because i lost the one person who gave a fuck and who I love more than anything in this horrible world. He told me that this was my home when I got down here, now he wants me to stay and work on things with him, but that could change. He doesn't know if this is my forever home. He doesn't know if he wants to end up with me. Which is triggering my anxiety... I locked myself in the bathroom to cry. I'm not doing very well.