There's a girl I've been 'seeing' for the past little while. It's been very strange in that she'll switch from not wanting to see me to wanting to talk for hours, and then actively ignoring me for a week for no discernible reason, and then talking to me as though nothing happened. This led me to be pretty hurt, until a few days ago when I say someone mention the book "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" so I read it that night and found it extremely resonant.

There a bunch of other factors that have come up with her, either in stories about her childhood or in her behaviour (fear of abandonment, fear of intimacy, no emotional regulation, poor impulse control), and we've spoken at length about her feelings, and she's obviously really confused about how she feels, and why she feels it. She's high functioning academically, and apart from occasional binge drinking no destructive behaviours.

I've spent the past few months trying to understand her, and finally it all fits together and I don't feel badly about myself. In the process of doing research I realized I also had some of the symptoms, but they had mostly gone away since a few episodes 3-4 years ago. Spending time trying to connect with her definitely brought some of them back a little (mostly splitting, something I hadn't done to a girl in a year and half, but that was minor compared to the girls I thought of as perfection for all my life prior to that).

Anyway- I'd like to help her if I can, although I'm not sure how she'll take it. I was reading 'stop walking on eggshells' and it talks about how taking away someone's denial can be pretty bad for them occasionally. But I'm worried that if I don't say anything she'll continue on with this pattern of behaviour for years before figuring it out, and it may become more destructive.

How did you guys feel when you first got diagnosed? Is there a downside to realizing it? 

I don't want to be emotionally attached to this girl again, I spent hours every day trying to figure her out, and it really hurt my schoolwork. But I still really care about her. Obviously I can't make a real diagnosis, and perhaps I'm somewhat blinded by my desire to explain her behaviour (in a way that doesn't make me feel like shit), but at the very least I think she could benefit from talking to a professional.

We're both professional students in our mid 20's.

So yeah- does anyone have any advice?

