First of all, I know that I have Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD) without even going to see a psychiatrist (being a med student myself). All this while, I tried to move forward no matter the pain and be optimistic. But now, even a single steps taken every single day took a lot of efforts

It's not the struggles in med school that made me despaired but all my worst of luck in anything i do. Before this, I always believed that I make my own luck. Now? I'm not even sure anymore.  

In my case, helping others will always ends up big success. When it comes to doing things for my own self? Failed. Big time. Even failed at committing suicide. Not even antidepressants works anymore.

From there, almost nothing in my life gone right no matter how hard I put efforts to succeed. 

Not even my family take my depression seriously. They would rather believe in stupid superstitions. Made me feel that this world is just a place of punishment.

Guess, I'm just a failure as a human being.

Sorry that it's long. I don't even know what to do anymore.