It feels like everyone I've ever met is just so much more different than me like im a fucking alien. I can't talk with anyone about the feelings i have because nobody would give a shit and i don't wanna dump that burden on someone anyway. Almost everytime im awake im thinking about suicide the only reason i don't do it is because i love my mom and she's worked so hard just for me to turn out a failure.

I feel really ashamed about this because im only 20, supposedly there's so much more to life but it feels like it just gets worse with time. I just wish i knew someone irl that understands me and cares. I want to get help but in my current situation im literally unable to! yay! I do things to try to improve my life but it does nothing I think im close to just ending it.