Hello everyone. I am currently in DBT therapy and the two exercises I’m working on currently are Checking the Facts and Radical Acceptance, particularly in the context of the relationship I am in. I started in my paper journal tonight but I’m in need of support and sharing right now so I decided to do my exercise here this evening. 

Radical Acceptance: 

I had a traumatic brain injury when I was five after falling off a rock wall six feet and striking my head. I grew to develop bipolar, BPD, and alcoholism. I’ve had a very hard time in my life until I came to the point of accepting these things as reality. I’ve done a lot of damage to the people who love me as a result. I’ve done a lot of damage to myself. 

I sometimes feel shame and regret for what I have done. I sometimes feel confident that I am going to get well in the biggest fact of all:

Fact: 

I have been on lithium and seroquel since 2013 which began to arrest my bipolar and a large degree of BPD symptoms. In 2016, I got sober from alcohol and drugs through AA and have worked the program consistently and have made drastic changes in my inner and outer life as a result. A few weeks ago, I made the decision to accept my BPD and I started DBT therapy. I am already seeing progress and change. 

My life today shows progress. My damaged relationships are being mended. I am mending the damaged relationship with myself. 

Radical Acceptance:

I got in a relationship with someone who knew me six months in alcoholism, the difficult first year, and through lots of abuses due to my unresolved BPD. I have damaged and hurt this man considerably. He loves me and wants me when I am showing progress and growth, but becomes uncertain about me when I fail. This makes me frustrated and fearful. I want to be loved as is, with continued improvement and growth. I want to be forgiven unconditionally since I am doing so much work and it shows. 

Fact:

I cannot change the past and the hurts I’ve caused him. He knows me good and bad and has the right to choose whether or not to stay with me knowing all of my liabilities. My truth is my truth. I will always need medicine, therapy, and AA to function as close to neurotypical as possible. 

It is my responsibility to accept me and my feelings. It is not the responsibility of anyone else. 

Radical Acceptance:

I feel that the right partner will take me “as is”, will be able to see me as more than a diagnosis, will want to fight with me as I continue to recover. I feel that I deserve to be loved the same on good days and bad, because I am not staying sick with any of my disabilities. I am working hard to get well. I feel I deserve respect and love for that. 

Fact: 

This is the love that I have to give to myself, the relationship I have to have with myself. I cannot make someone have it for me. 

I made a mistake this week attempting to stop my medication (seroquel) thinking it wasn’t a mood stabilizer at such a low dosage and I could safely stop it and lose weight. After 72 hours, i was manic and falling apart. I realized my mistake and got back on it immediately. 

Radical Acceptance:

The medication mistake showed me that I do indeed need to take this medicine for my stability. Without it, my stability stops. 

Seeing how I fell to pieces without my medicine has also brought my partner to a point of having to accept or not accept the fact that i need this medication for my stability.  He has expressed concerns at having to face that. It has bothered him all week. 

I feel afraid that he is not going to love me, he will leave me and find someone neurotypical. I’m sad that I have these disabilities. 

Fact:

It is my job to accept me. Anyone who cannot accept my disabilities as part of my reality, my need for medication, therapy, and AA, is not someone who is suited to me. 

I am more than a diagnosis. I am a courageous person who has made the decision to stand up, face the darkness within her, endure life with a damaged brain and try to learn to live normally. I am worthy of unconditional love. I will do my best to show myself that unconditional love. I will accept myself and I will continue to press forward. 