I've been in recovery for years and don't formally fit the criteria anymore...but as we all know this is a life long healing journey...I relapsed this month. Lockdown + holiday stress + a new relationship + too much partying pushed me past my window of tolerance and I started spiraling. Pushing/pulling, extreme reactivity/emotional impulsivity, just that awful powerless place of knowing you're pouring gasoline on the fire but not having the strength in the moment to throw the gas can in the other direction and walk away. He was compassionate and told me not to beat myself up but that he's just reached his capacity and can't do this right now. We were only dating a month thankfully so this isn't as devastating as it could be but I still feel terrible. We were so excited about each other and if I'd just fuckin acted a little bit better I probably wouldn't have lost him

Thats all. Fml.