hello reddit.

I have a 16-year-old daughter (L). When she was 13, she experienced some anxiety and her mother (K) was taking her to counselling sessions. She was then referred to a GP and then a psychologist who prescribed Lexapro as an anti-depressant/mood stabiliser.

K agreed and put her on the medication.

I only found out about L taking said medication six months after she started due to L informing me. She told me that she had asked mum not to tell me.

She also asked me not to let mum know that she had told me she was on them.

After a month or two in the heat of an argument with K, I brought it up. I questioned her with on what planet it would be acceptable for one parent to make such a decision without consulting the other parent. I said to her that had i been consulted, we would have pragmatically looked at the situation and done our own research. I found this lack of consultation quite perplexing especially considering the fact that I was on Lexapro for six months in 2018 and understand a little bit about how it works from a first person perspective. It is also important from my perspective for people to understand that none of these medications have ever been tested on developing adolescent brains.

K’s Response was that legally she did not have to tell me and that the psychologist had recommended to her that if L didn’t want me to know then I should not know.

Then, whilst on the medication 18 months ago, L started having Tourette’s-like tics. There have been studies Linking Lexapro to tics

The tics have recently subsided, but she now has medically diagnosed anorexia along with a whole range of anxieties.

My question is, even though my daughter requested mum not to tell me, is that an acceptable action  from a coparent with a 13 or 14 year old on such an important decision?

Sometimes my daughters say to me, “dad I want to tell you something but you can’t tell mum“. I always say to them I cannot guarantee I will not tell mum as I do not know what it is that you are about to tell me, but you have my trust. And example of that is when my daughter told me that her friends at school were doing drugs. To me, I am obligated to let K know.

How would you deal with this anti depressant prescribing situation? Am I completely wrong in believing that there should have been consultation?

r/AmITheAsshole r/Anxiety