I don’t know why but I just feel off wherever I am. When i’m in college I want to go home, when I’m at home I want to go back to school. Even when things are going well there’s a persistent feeling that I would be happier somewhere else. This whole transition to college is really exposing a lot of cracks in my foundations. I don’t know how to make the most of where I am both physically and temporally and it’s lead me to this repeated feeling of dissatisfaction. I take medication, I get lots of exercise, I see a therapist occasionally (although I feel like it’s not helping and I don’t know how to make the most of it). I’m leaving home again soon and probably won’t be back until thanksgiving and I don’t want to go but I don’t want to stay either.  No matter where I am I don’t have many friends. I just want to be somewhere where i’m happy. My feelings are pretty mild and i’ve had many years of experience with them but this persistent unhappiness is slowly wearing me down. I had always planned to die at 18 and although in many ways i’m glad that I didn’t make that choice, I feel like I’m living past some spiritual expiration date. I’m in foreign waters with nowhere to moor, drifting along, trying to make sense of a map for a time and place in my life that I never planed for. I want a place where I feel happy, where I can drop my anchor and just be. Where is my celestial navigation? Where are my stars, my reliable constants to fall back on in unfamiliar circumstances? I feel like I’m always moving, always transitioning before I can put roots down. I don’t know what I want and nothing really satisfies me. This is a new phase of my life and a new phase of my persistent depression. It never really goes away, just changes to fit with the times. I’m at a loss for what to do. It seems like i’ve tried so many medications or therapists but they don’t help enough. What do y’all do when you encounter these feelings of dissatisfaction and disconnection?