I’m not writing this post for sympathy I just want to know if this is something other people have experienced or is there’s any advice on how to cope with this feeling.
I’m 19 (and a half if that matters) I was diagnosed with depression when I was 14 and I’ve struggled a lot. I missed most of my first two years of high school because I couldn’t get out of bed or going to school would cause severe anxiety attacks. My mental health improved a lot my junior year of high school, and then Covid happened and like everyone else I was home for the better part of 1 1/2 years. I feel like the time has escaped me. I don’t keep in contact with a majority of the close friends I had, there is no bad blood but I just stopped reaching out to them. When I graduated high school it felt like a fresh start and that I could actually live my life again, I moved away to college but I got Covid my first week of school and got pretty sick which made me fall behind the first month of classes since I couldn’t attend, I had a bunch of crazy things happen during that same time and I ended up moving back home once I got better. I’ve lived at home for the past 8 months and feel like I’ve done nothing with my life, I’ve worked meaningless jobs to earn spending money and spent time with my boyfriend but other than that my life is somehow the worst it’s been along with my mental health. I feel like I never was able to receive a typical teenage experience due to being depressed and Covid set back most of the mental improvement I had made before Covid. I feel like I’ve just been stuck in my room for all of my teen years, and that I’ve used my mental illness as a cop out when things get hard in life. I feel like there’s nothing I can do to make my life better. I just wish I had a time machine and I could back to when I was 14 and do everything over again. I’m 20 and I feel like I’ve already missed out on my whole life.