I’m so so so lonely. I have no friends and my family aren’t interested. My partner has gone to stay with her mum  for a bit as we’re not doing good at all, and I actually can’t bare to be on my own. 

Last night I decided to have my dad down for a bit as last week when I had to take time off work for mental health he didn’t bother to text or phone or come round, so I thought it would be good to clear the air and actually have an open conversation, after finally telling him about my BPD and asking him to at least look into it so he could understand.

I tried 3 times to speak openly but he just changed the subject and then got up and left. After he left I was crushed. I called samaratins as I knew I was going to hurt myself, and that helped until I was off the phone.

I managed to survive one night on my own, one fucking night. If I struggle to even do one, what the fuck is the point in trying to do any more? I’m literally suffering for the sake of it at this point.

All I want is for someone to talk to me, just ask me how I’m doing and acknowledge how much I’m struggling. I know I’ve been shitty in the past and I know I’m nothing but a massive disappointment but I’m still a person and I’m still here, so why will no one talk to me? I feel like no one cares and I’m nothing but a burden. I haven’t felt like this since the last time I tried to commit, and I really just wish it had gone to plan the first time. I’m so tired and I’m so sick of feeling like this.

I’m on my own again tonight and I don’t know what’s going to happen, I’m confused about whether I’m sad or just numb but I feel the outcomes from both will be the same.