I generally keep very quiet and try as hard as I can to keep a low profile when I go out due to my extremely low self-esteem.  I try to not bother anyone, not make eye contact with anyone, and generally avoid going out as much as I can because I feel like I have this negativity that others just sense and it makes everyone around me uncomfortable.

Today, I had to get some groceries, and decided to go to a store a bit further away since it is less crowded, and wanted to get a sandwich at their deli.  There was a line when I first went in, so I went off and did my shopping for about 20 minutes and came back after the line was gone.  The lady behind the counter was stocking some things, I walked up, she started walking away pretending not to see me while calling her coworker to the back, while giving a hand-wave gesture at me and leaving me standing in the lobby alone for 5 minutes before I just gave up and walked away, which I assume is what she wanted.    

I get this reaction all the time in public, so I always assume it's because I look like a psycho or ugly or something, and people just can sense my bpd and mental illness before I even open my mouth, further fueling my self-negativity and automatically recurring thoughts of how much of a loser I am and will never fit into society.  

All of this from a fucking hand-wave and being ignored in a god damn supermarket deli.  What the fuck.