Last Saturday was my girlfriend’s 21st birthday. She lives 4 hours away from me and we see each other a few times during the summer until I’m back in that city for college. We all got drunk and we went back to her house and it was around 1 am and I had to drive back home because my parents needed me back home. I was an emotional wreck. I was having fights with her parents and they were yelling at me and I started to cut my wrists and I drove back home drunk. I’m a Muslim and she’s not and my parents don’t like the idea of us being together. Her entire family hates me now. Yesterday her brother in law and step sister told her that I said to them that I was cheating throughout our relationship. I never was. Idk why I’d say such a lie like that but I did. I was so drunk that I don’t even remember saying it. She was the only one who loved me for who I am. She was patient with me. She’s the reason that I started to go to therapy. My BPD controls my life and I don’t want it to. I lost the only girl to have ever loved me so much that she tried to help me with my BPD. All she did was love me but I just kept hurting her. I never meant to. Our relationship wasn’t toxic. All I did was love her but now she doesn’t believe a word I said. Her mom told me to leave her alone. I feel so empty inside. I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone the way I loved her and no one will love me the way she did. I don’t wanna commit suicide because she taught me that I have something to live for. I’m just depressed but I won’t drink or take drugs because it’ll just make it worse for me. We were so happy together and we worked together to overcome our problems (mainly with my BPD) but now I have no one. I’ll move back to the city for college soon and I’ll just be alone. I don’t have friends there anymore and now I lost the only one I loved and trusted. I haven’t really cried or anything because reality hasn’t fully set in yet but Ik once I move back then things will get worse knowing that we were gonna be happy together when I moved back. It’s sad that because of my BPD, I let my emotions control me and I ruin my relationships with everyone. I’m trying to get better but something always happens to set it back. I feel lost and empty without the one I love. I never meant to hurt you. I’ll always love you Hannah.