I've been seeing the same psychiatrist for almost 5 years. He's okay I guess, but it's so hard to schedule an appointment with him bc you have to schedule it like 3 months out. All he does is throw more meds at me or continuously ups the dosage. I've been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and bpd. I take several meds including 2 antidepressants, 2 moos stabilizers, and one anti psychotic. There's gotta be a way to decrease that. I also need to be in therapy. This new provider offers psychiatry, one on one therapy (which I hate) and group therapy (which I love).  I got a referral 2 weeks ago and no one is returning my messages. I tried better help a few years ago but I just can't afford it right now. I'm so glad I have a patient bf. Bpd is very evident with me, but he understands and doesn't hold it against me. 

Is bpd curable? Or can it only be managed? I'd love for it not to have a hold on me anymore. I always assume people don't like me. I have severe abandonment issues, trust issues, and black and white thinking (example: everyone leaves so I can only assume my current bf will walk away, too.) 

Sleep is elusive. They had me on trazadone for sleep but all it did was give me a headache. So they upped my amitryptoline (idk how to spell it) from 75 to 150 which helped. But I'm afraid it's going to cause mania. Ughhhh my life would be so much easier if I wasn't fucked in the head.