I’m nervous to post this because I don’t want anyone to think that I’m using this sub to self diagnose, I am absolutely not and totally understand that in order to be diagnosed I’d have to speak to a professional and have multiple traits associated with BPD. I just wondered if anybody could tell me if this sounds like it could potentially be related to BPD because I’m struggling to understand why I feel this way constantly. 

I feel pretty much empty most of the time, the only time I feel any meaningful emotion is almost always related to the person that I have feelings for, who I have only ever met a couple of times. Other than that I can be happy for moments at a time or sometimes a few hours but eventually I am reminded that this person does not care about me nearly as much as I do about them, and likely never will. When I think about the future I cannot imagine them being a part of it, which makes it seem in a way pointless to me and that I won’t be truly happy. This has happened on a few occasions with different people and i find it really difficult to get over someone, even though most of the time I never have a really close relationship with them. If I have a conversation with this person and feel like I’ve embarrassed myself (which happened recently) it will completely ruin my mood for the entire day and I will feel extremely badly about myself. It kind of feels like my life revolves around whoever this particular person is, which is quite difficult considering I never really develop meaningful relationships with any of them. 

I’ve also struggled with sh, sometimes due to these feelings I have making me feel worthless and frustrated that I am unable to speak to people normally. 

I apologise if this is offensive in any way to anyone, I don’t want to sound like I am assuming something about myself, I just wanted to know if anyone can relate to this. I am unable to speak to a professional atm and am struggling with feeling like I am not enough constantly.