Hi there, I am Artur and I am from germany. So I am sorry in advance for my bad spelling and If I'm in the wrong topic. I have kind of psychological problem I guess. I am 30 years old and I am a virgin noticing that my libido is dropping. But I really desire women. I was and am masturbating since I am 13 years old and well....At 30 I "woke up" (with 17 I already knew that my life is just temporarily but it kind of went over my head because of my gaming addiction) and realized that life is rushing by so I am dead soon anyhow and I made many bad decisions in my past which I cannot change. Now there is this stupid empty feeling inside me without love or affection and that your relatives getting older and older passing away. Usually I am an attractive guy but I had been bullied I guess because of that. I Had my very first kiss with 13 from a girl I knew from school and that's it. My father molested me when I was 16 and I knew something had changed as well and now I am disgusted by his existence. Now I do not know really what to do with my life even though I thought I want to shoot pretty ladies in very sexy fashion like dresses and stuff because I have a fetish for that. I love women in provoking clothing and I always wanted to open a online Fashion store since 10 years. Btw that is me "https://i.postimg.cc/NfjGbZKK/IMG-20220628-110249.jpg" . So my problem is basically living in the moment and having fun in live? And there are very few people I can sympathize with and girls who show interest in me I reject ALL the time it is like an inner prison which makes me suicidal. I am usually an pretty happy idiot but the fact that I am in this situation makes me really depressed.....and I sleep for about 8 years not regularly. I start taking medicine like quietiapin but the feeling that Most of virile years are over is kind of shi**y.

Best wishes!