I’m going back again tomorrow I think. I’m a goddamn mess. I’m a massive failure at everything. I’m about to lose my job, practically already lost my pregnant partner cause she can’t trust me for shit, and I’m about to lose my independence. We’ll see how it goes but I don’t have hope for me. I want to be gone and dead and in a hole in the ground. I want to be out of everyone’s life  who I’ve caused pain. I wish I could somehow accomplish that without more pain. I’m just like my goddamn mother who was in and out of facilities her whole adult life until she killed herself. Hope this one sticks because every coping method and boundary I’ve set with other people has completely been a wash. I know what feels like 90% of the tips and tricks and none of them seem to work with me. I’m gonna live a failure and die a failure. I’m just trying really hard to not die sooner than later. 