I was in a toxic relationship a few months ago. It felt like it was mainly my fault because I went uncontrollable and the dude wasn’t happy. He ended up doing some horrible shit to and that ended. 

Due to a lack of close friends I found some “stability” and forgot that I can be this insane person who can’t be alone or trust someone. Of course, I only realised after I opened up to a close friend that I am borderline. I tried to express it as best as I can but I don’t think he understood and generally just thought I could be fixed by another persons love. While I don’t blame him for this I have realised that I will never be able to have a stable relationship unless I seek help or have someone that understands me to some extent, which I imagine is hard. 

Idk, maybe I just feel like I’m missing out on a lot of things in life because I can’t have any close friends without becoming a mess. 