I really need help y’all, I don’t know what to do. So tomorrow will mark 3 weeks that I’ve been with my girlfriend and I, like some others with BPD fall in love super easily. I haven’t told her I love her yet because I’m waiting for her to say it first because I don’t want me saying it too early to push her away. The thing is I have a feeling she’ll never actually say it because I really feel like our relationship is coming to an end because for the past week she’s been super distant. Every time a girlfriend has started to be distant in the past ended up with her breaking up with me shortly after.

For the first two weeks we were together we hung out literally every single day and spent almost all of our free time together, which wasn’t a ton because she has two jobs, working at a fast food restaurant and as a stripper (which I knew what I was getting into and I’m okay with it). Even though that wasn’t a lot of time spent together it was still nice because I could see her everyday. I haven’t seen her since sunday and on sunday I only saw her for an hour or two. She’s barely been messaging me or calling me anymore and every time I ask her to hang out or ask her to come over after she’s done dancing she never does and always has an excuse. I mentioned it to her and she knows I have BPD but I don’t think she knows a lot about it. She knows I have abandonment issues and codependency issues and she knows I’m actively trying to work through it. When I brought it up I told her I was afraid she was gonna leave and I was really afraid of that and she reassured me that she wasn’t each time I said it. But last night got really bad because she was supposed to come over yesterday and she’d promised she would and when the time came for her to come over she didn’t because she was too tired. I mean I get it, she works two jobs but that didn’t stop her in the first two weeks from hanging out with me and if she was tired she’d come take a nap here at my house with me. 

She danced at the club last night and usually she’d message me when she’d get breaks but this week she hasn’t done that at all so since last night I’ve been so scared of abandonment. Last night I decided to ask her if she actually wanted to continue our relationship because I really felt like she was gonna leave and she was just too scared of hurting me to actually do it because she knows about my abandonment issues and how they’ve affected me in the past. She told me she doesn’t feel that way. I asked her again today because I was freaking out and I had DBT group today and I had to pull the therapist aside and I started breaking down crying in front of her, which is not normal because I don’t cry in front of people. I’m just so scared. She told me today she’s not leaving and nothing is gonna happen to us but I don’t really believe that honestly. She also told me today that she’s been so distant because she wants to focus on making money and she tends to spoil the people she’s with and can drop a bunch of money without blinking an eye so she doesn’t wanna hang out with me because she’s afraid she’s gonna spend all her money when she really needs to save it for a new car. I mean I understand that and that helped me a little bit but I got to thinking and I don't understand how that affects her being able to text me or call me because she hasn’t really been doing those too much. I told her multiple times that I’d help her with it and I could help her make a budget and not let her spend money on me but she just ignores those messages. I also told her I was really looking forward to seeing her this weekend because that’s the next time we’re supposedly going to be hanging out and saying I miss her and stuff and she just leaves me on read every time. 

We also haven’t had sex yet because she said she likes to get to know the person first before having sex, which I get that and I don’t care a ton about sex but it still worries me a lot.

How do I get her to stop being distant? She’s amazing and she’s literally the most attractive girl i’ve seen in my entire life and I don’t say that about all the girls I end up with. I really don’t want to lose her and I know that if I do lose her, I won’t be able to handle it. I’m still getting over being abandoned about two months ago and I know losing her will put me over the edge. I’m very suicidal and if she leaves me I already have a plan set in place that I already have my mind set on using. I know that if it happens and I get to that point I’m not going to seek help because i’ll just end up in the hospital again and i’ve already been through that 3 times in the past year and it just makes things worse so I can’t handle that. 

Please help, how do I get her to stay and stop being so distant? I’m so scared.