ever since i was young I've always had problems with my behaviour. I would get emotionaly attached to people as I can't maintain a normal relationships. insecurities has always been with me for that i can't think rationally to understand people.. i think it's due to something that happened in my childhood that made me scared of people opinion. this led to me not expressing myself because i would always get laughed at ignored or neglected. so i would often mold my personality to the liking of people.. not dealing with thoughts and problems rationally led to avoidince coping mechanisms, attachment problems, unrealstic expectaions, getting left behind as people keep growing while im on the same spot. 
it got to the point where i lost touch with reality and lived in the internet cause i can't deal with anything because of my behaviours.
it got to a point where i ran on autopilot for four years whole without knowing whats going on. As my comfort zone getting smaller i was one step behind to ending it all.
Anyway snapping out of it and reconnecting to reality I've realized that i dissociate whenever i face a stressful situation.. it be like this: i have no memory of my past experiences: i face a situation with confidence as I'm thinking things rationally with 100 concentration and memory muscle, i face a situation smiliar to my past experiences, i overstress than dissociate for an agonizing period of time.. 
i can't deal with this unless i change my behaviour where i can think rationally and be strong and confident.. 
Can i do this? And how can i remodel myself if the problem have been accumulating since my childhood...
Help please and sorry if it's all messy I can't think straight now as im dissociating..
Help please!