I desperately just want to run away and never speak to anyone again. The misery of my life is suffocating. All I do is work to save up for when I can eventually travel again but in that process I have completely fucked myself up mentally. Sometimes when I'm driving can't help but think how easy it would be to jerk the steering wheel and send myself into a brick wall or perhaps into the river. I hate my life and have no enjoyment from it. I fantasise about winning the lottery and how much happier and present I would be but the chances of that are next to nothing of course so the first fantasy seems the more realistic. I'm not really looking for advice on it just helps to write this down and know someone will read it as I have no one to talk to in my real life.