Here's the deal: I (21F) am the youngest in a highly dysfunctional family, where I was the "normal" one, so to speak. Anxiety was a common theme, as a symptom of things such as complex PTSD, BPD, drug addiction, ADHD, to name a few. I myself don't have any labels on me, but then again, I have never gone to therapy. I am the only one who has gotten an education beyond high school, never tried to kill myself, been in jail, or even been admitted to a psych ward. Furthermore, I have always been self-sufficient and almost invisible among the chaos, mostly due to having no other choice.

The anxiety I've been exposed to through my family is the kind that is so paralyzing, keeping a job or going to school isn't an option. I think it has caused me to belittle my own symptoms because they aren't as severe. I do suffer the occasional panic attack, usually involving hyperventilating and throwing up, with no obvious trigger. However, I might go months without having any, then go through a week or so where they're quite frequent. 

The panic attacks aren't really the worst part for me, though. While I am very much functional (I have had my own place since I was 15, go to college, and am pretty much financially independent), I never feel truly present or at peace. There is this "weight" of constant guilt and worry over me. I feel like I am constantly dissociating, feeling like there is something I need to do, that I'm doing enough, that I don't deserve to relax. If I don't have anything in particular to be stressed about, I brainstorm until I find something, as if it's the only thing I know how to do. "Relaxation" for me is more or less just escapism through food, weed, or social media, and I can't even remember the last time I actually enjoyed myself. I feel dull, empty, and unfulfilled, and terrified that this is what life is supposed to feel like.

Is this normal? Do I have a problem/do I need help?