I don’t know how or when it started, but I started getting anxious about some little things. I didn’t want to take AP classes in high school because of my grades in 7th grade. I ended up retaking 2 of my courses for no reason though i got all As in it the year prior. Massive waste of time. I didn’t believe I could do it. I check my window, my lights, my laundry, even my toothpaste tube atleast 20 times. Things like something being too close to an outlet, something near the edge of a table, or something that isn’t perfectly aligned annoys me. Even with this, I’m still a messy and disorganized person.

Now I can’t turn in assignments online because I keep thinking I uploaded the wrong file that had something stupid in it, or if I missed a punctuation. I’m trying to take a picture of my homework right now and this is my 15th attempt since the lighting is not exactly perfect, there’s eraser marks, my handwriting isn’t perfect, or there’s a slight glare. I waste my time on incredibly easy assignments and I can’t stop. I worry when tests come, I can’t control myself to study instead of worry about small things. I always make everyone late because I take forever to check my room.

I used to always focus on friends over school, but I dumped them because I realized how toxic they were. I kept changing myself to appeal to them instead of finding the right people. Little did I know they don’t give two shits about me. I wanna better myself, so I wanna have high academic goals but my anxiety is getting in the way. What do I do?