I have been living with diagnosed bpd for the last 7 years after a psychiatric stay, helped brought on by PPD. My partner and I have been together for the last twelve years and share 4 small children. Since being diagnosed I have done a few “rounds” of DBT and still connect with therapists to talk through skills, I have also done a few CBT sessions and generally continue to try continue going to therapy.
During the last 7 years I have been working on identifying my triggers, communicating my emotions instead of acting them out, complimenting my negative thoughts with positive ones and trying not to be the all around shitty person bpd brings out in me. It’s been really hard and a lot of work, my partner has supported my going to therapy and getting help this whole time.
I struggle with the dynamic of our relationship leading to invalidating. An example is DEARMANing help with the small children because we are both full time working parents and like most moms the brunt of the parenting falls on me and to put it nicely I’ve had enough of that horseshit with 4 kids. The response I get is that I need to look at the situation in a more positive way and I won’t have negative feelings, and that all other moms struggle with children so it’s just a part of life.. basically ignoring my requests for help even after a broken record of what I’m feeling, what I need help with and how it will help in the long run. When I point out feeling invalidated he is immediately defensive and it often leads to me being ignored (like literally I will say something and he says 0 in response). 
Has anyone else experienced anything like this and if so how did you “get past it”? I’m having a really hard time radically accepting the invalidation and my pleads for us to work together to change are met with the reminder that I have acted atrociously in the past and need to keep working on my skills in order to get better. 
I have this calming feeling when I remind myself of everything I’ve been working on and the fact that a relationship is not just one person. Any suggestions help ♥️ thank you for taking the time to read this