I’ve had health anxiety since 2017. It died down around the middle of 2018 and continued to be very mild for a while. It wasn’t until 2 weeks ago that my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and told she has weeks to live after going to a regular doctors appointment a few days ago and being told she was completely healthy. How do you go from being normal and healthy to being put in hospice in less than 4 days? This event caused me to spiral even more. I had a sinus infection that is causing me a lot of face pain and weird feeling around my teeth and jaw. It’s gotten worse as the days went by, to the point where my tongue on one side feels like sandpaper and my entire side of my face feels gritty.

I’m going to the dentist for the second time tomorrow to see what’s happening. Health anxiety has made me spiral so much to the point where I can’t tell myself it’s going to get better. Everytime I tell myself that, it gets so much worse. The worst always happens whenever you’re on top of the world. I’m in my last semester of college, my boyfriend and I are approaching our year anniversary, and I got accepted to grad school. And I’m scared all of that will be cut short because I have something incurable or inoperable and it will eventually kill me. 

My mind always goes towards the worst and I don’t know how to stop it. I would be brushed aside by doctors telling me it’s fine and the pain is from my sinuses. I’m suspecting it’s my wisdom teeth but the last dentist said well keep an eye on them. I’m 21 and don’t want to keep them in much longer if they need to come out.

I’m sorry for spiraling like this. I’m sorry for always talking about this and my profile is filled with similar concerns asking people if I’ll be ok. My anxiety has taken over me and I’m filled with fear wondering if today will be my last day.