I have been diagnosed with bpd for about 5 years.
I might also have some overlapping C-PTSD.
I have been my own worst enemy but also best friend.

Feeling like my existence is going to be short regardless of my life decisions (SPOILER, people with BPD live approx 20 years less than the average)

I have been trying to cope for a long time.
I just don't get scared of people anymore. Some people wanted to scam me for tasting their blow and then they threatened me with a knife.

I didn't care about any of that. I laughed at the guy pulling the knife and his friends. Good thing my friend found me at that moment to defuse things and pull me away.

This is a one off story, but I feel like these type of "tough guys" are used to people shitting their pants, when they talk to em in a threatening way. I think they get kinda intimidated when somebody breaks that delusion they have bout themselves

also. I could read the room. I knew they were all bark no bite. The circumstances would have been different if this was the Russian mafia. But again. The thought of that might even desensitize soon.

What I'm trying to say. I have a way bigger chance of killing myself 1:10 (bpd statistics) and live with suicidal ideations. So if anyone want to have a go at me, I won't be begging for my life, but I will fight back. If I die I die.

But I'd rather die than beg a man for my life.
I would rather be killed than commit suicide. I feel that it would be more worthy to stand up to thugs and bullies and risk dying, than ending it myself.