Recently, I've been deep in my own thoughts. Usually when that happens it's never a good sign. I over think everything and self sabotage. And honestly, I can't tell if it's purposeful or on accident anymore. 

I feel so rejected from everything. I feel like I can't relate to anyone or any group. My best friend of 7 years moved away, and I'm finding it harder and harder to cope with things. It's been a month since I've last seen her, and this is the longest we've gone ever since we started becoming friends.

My boyfriend and I are going to be celebrating our two year anniversary on the first of June and he told me we'll have to do something a couple days before because he's going to be busy. I always feel like I'm his second thought compared to everything else. Out of all days  you HAD to do something, it had to be June fucking first? You couldn't move it any other time?? It's not like this is a sort noticed thing for us. My parents keep pestering me. I'm tired. I'm broke because I've been out of work for a month because I broke my foot.

I just want to feel loved and appreciated unconditionally. It feels like I'm constantly chasing something that I'll never have. I want to isolate myself but I want to know people will seek after me and TRY to talk to me. I just want to feel important to one fucking person. Important enough to be someones first choice. I put the people I love on this pedestal and it seems like all I get are scraps. 

I get urges to stab my legs, but I won't do that because...ya know.  I want to cut myself, but don't because I don't want my boyfriend to see. I want to kill myself, but my grandfather just gave me 500 dollars for school,  and I don't want to waste his money. 

I just want this to end.