So I have this great talk with the guy I’m seeing tonight. He’s been nothing but amazing, genuine, supportive and thoughtful. And yet when I said “sleep well babe” and all he said is “night!” My heart sank into my stomach and it made me second guess how much he does like me. And I had to stop myself and say that’s not logical based on all the evidence of his actions. But in that split second I convince myself I’m unworthy of him, he’s actually finding me annoying, and that I should just ghost him before I get hurt. 

Which would, I know, actually really hurt him because I know he cares a lot about me. What in the actual fuck is wrong with me. I don’t know if this is a trauma response or what. I’ve ghosted quite a few people this past year due to the same fucked up logic. I just have so much self loathing. I really need to start seeing a therapist before I lose my mind. It’s so easy for me to make myself believe no one actually likes me because I have such a hard time loving myself these days. And it’s like people keep reminding me they love me and I can’t fucking believe it. I can’t wrap my head around it. I just feel like such a burden to everyone I encounter.