hi, i’m a 14 year old girl from Australia and i was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder after seeing a psychologist last year and now she is treating me for it. me and my mother are also currently trying to get me an official diagnoses for adhd (inattentive type) so i can go on meds for it, (which i have recently seen a professional for) 

my psych says that i should do meditation in the mornings or at night which i haven’t done because my shit tricycle brain prefers thinking about Hannibal’s undying love for will graham than remembering things that will help me. but i have been doing other stuff that she suggests and i think that its helping.

my mum, however, thinks i’m not trying enough to get better. she says that i cant just fix everything with meds and that my psych is going to say she cant help me and drop me when ive only seen her like 4 times (every second week)

i understand that my mum is scared about money and my well being, but all i have been told my whole life is that im not trying enough, even though when i was depressed and barely holding on i still pushed through and somehow convinced myself to not sleep all day or commit suicide and actually do my assignment (even if it was last minute. i feel like all my life i have just tried to be good for people and now im supposed to get my mums approval in something that was supposed to help me. 

now i just see therapy as something i have to pass, my anxiety is a test and my happiness and well being is my grades. its disgusting. and what if shes right?? what if im not trying hard?? i should try harder, but all i have ever done is push myself and people still see it as the bare minimum

im sick of this shit. im trying. or am i? i feel like i cant trust my own judgment constantly, and in the place im supposed to feel safe it suddenly becomes a place that should make me prove myself. nothing i do is enough. nothing i do will satisfy her. im always below the expectations, 

as soon as she walks through the door she immediately points out that im not trying hard enough, she says that she has anxiety and adhd (both self diagnosed) and she does yoga and embraces the anxiety. she does these things but she doesnt understand that i dont even remember these things. and even if i write them down i still forget.

im SICK of being denied mediaction. im SICK of being invalidated snd picked on. and im SICK of feeling unloved and unsafe in my own home.

so can someone please tell me if shes right, and im doing it all wrong?