This has been my latest fixation and I can’t seem to get rid of it. I started dating my SO in November. I found out his ex went to our college, and is also sort of an acquaintance of mine (we are friends on Facebook, ran into her once IRL, that’s about it). Ever since then I can’t stop thinking about her. Every single day. When my mind wanders I start thinking about her. When I get bored I start thinking about her, just to feel something. I feel so angry and elevated when I think of her. I’m also scared to see her around campus.  I’d like to stress that I’m not jealous of her though. I’m objectively a better person all around. My SO ended the relationship solely because he got bored of her and wouldn’t go out of his way to be with her. 

I guess the only reason why I’m jealous would be because she seems so boring and neurotypical. I often wonder if he had an easier time being with her, because I know dating me is hard especially because I have BPD and bipolar. On my worst days I almost wish I could trade places with her. 

The part I hate the most is that they’ve shared sexual experiences together. Which is inevitable. They dated for ten months. And my SO has never casually hooked up with people, so he’s only had sex with two people before me. On the other hand, I’ve had my fair share of hook ups and was in a two year relationship prior to this—so I’ve got no room to be jealous, but I can’t help it. 

I can’t seem to get over this fixation. I started therapy and luckily some of it seems to be helping, but it’s still so hard for me. I just want to know if this is something else anyone experiences? I feel crazy and tired of my brain for doing this.