It's probably the main source of my apathy towards everything. I can't really function at all right now because I can't make my brain think that doing anything is worth it. Nothing brings me closer to any goals, because I have no realistic goals. Nothing really makes me happy because reality is laced with the fact that my life is shit and I have nothing. 

I seriously don't get what I'm supposed to do about this, it seems like reality just fails to conform to my apparently too high standards of living. whatever, shouting into the void doesn't help. talking to people doesn't help. therapy doesn't help, the only meds that help are the illegal ones so like, guess I'll die then