 So, anything that goes around is just negative for me. People around me just feel so jerk to me I don't know why.

By the way I'm from India and I don't even know why people here don't get that mental illness is much worse than any other physical disability.

I was a happy and cheerful kid till 14, I was busy in my stuff, I had nothing to do with any kind of negative thing, A FULL OPTIMISTIC KID. But at the age of 15, I got into some bullying shit, that just got all my optimism so low that I started thinking of What If? stuffs but not in a positive way. Everytime it goes like what if I wasn't here to get all this bullshit done to me?

What If everyone just kill me that I don't suffer from such stuff anymore?

People used to call me Freak because I was not like them, I was weak

Then one day I thought I should get someone whom I can tell all my feeling so that I can feel relieved

so at the age of 16, I met a girl, I fell in love with her, we started talking, and finally something good happened with me , We Got Into Relationship.

I was really happy at that time, I was so in love with her that I know I'm never gonna let her think that I'm some kind of jerk guy who's just taking advantage of her or something like that,

but just after 3 months she broke up without any specific reason, from that day till now I had been thinking what mistake i made that she just left without any reason. And from that day I think I'm the only one who've dome something that made her broke up.

aah okay moving on, after that breakup stuff, I used to think of it every single time, I used to cry, I used to talk to myself about that...but at last I got into depression

I don't know why I think so much but I don't have control over my mind. I'm kind of an Super-Overthinker.

Okay so moving on

After that I never been into love with anyone for an year, I just deviated my mind, writing diaries, and other stuffs that I was interested in.

After an year, When I was 17 I met a girl online, again that love thing began, again I fell in love and again we spend 6 months and i don't know what's going on now it's kinda complicated. So Complicated Long Distance Relationships definitely gives depression. So yea I'm still DEPRESSED.

But the best thing I can be proud of that I'm not a loner, I have myself going on with me.

Even if my first girlfriend or whatever you can say she left me still I think that my fault and I still talk to her as a friend, I don't know why people think If a girl left you she becomes your Ex or whatever and talking to her again just gonna ruin your life.

I'm like fuck off, If I get Satan who just have ruined my life and then come back and talk nicely, I'm gonna be by his side for ever.

So yea, I think whatever I've done till now is Positive for my mental state, even if it's not stable.

I hope people out there who gonna read this even in the future can get my thoughts, and spread love all around.

HATE JUST GONNA MAXIMIZE THE NUMBER OF DEPRESSED PEOPLE LIKE US.