Hey all,


So you know how they say BPD individuals have a habit of loving and hating(disliking) people including their loved ones? I have that problem and I beat myself up over it for feeling that way towards my own friends! I can't stop the feelings!! It's not all the time and I already feel like I jerk for even talking about it here.


So in a nutshell, I get easily irritated by my friends. Why? I think I have this asshole tendency to easily predict the things they are going to talk about with me or maybe they are too boring/quiet.  So I guess either they share/talk TOO much or they don't share at all. For example:


I have one friend I met at school and became close with for the past 2 years. However, I now have tendencies to purposely avoid him because he talks way too much and I've even nicely pointed it out before. I just get so sick of hearing him talk talk talk and never stops to ask me questions. Also interrupts me when it's my turn to say something. One of my biggest pet peeves is dealing with people who suck at having a conversation. He knows he does it, but he doesn't stop to work on it. Another thing is that he's addicted to sugar and soda. He drinks soda right before bed and AFTER brushing his teeth?! That makes no sense to me! I don't point it out since he's an adult and it's his business/choice, but shit it annoys the crap out of me when he talks about his sugar/junk food consumption as if he's proud of it. He's a "skinny fat" person meaning he can eat all that shit and not gain weight, but probably is at risk for diabetes. I recently found out he likes me. It made me even more annoyed because I kept asking myself, "Who in their right mind would like you back with your unhealthy habits? Your diet sucks, you have a terrible sleep pattern that you brag about, your skin is bad because of your diet, and you talk too much about yourself! Why do you think I would ever like you? No way in hell!" Other than this, he's a sweet kid. Just kind of unaware of himself I guess....



That was just an extreme example. When I reach my limits with a friend, I avoid talking to them for a set amount of time because I need the space. I also can't stand it when a guy starts liking me easily just because I'm a good listener and he feels comfortable sharing things with me. It's usually dudes with low confidence and have no dating experience too.



This is my ugly demon side that I keep to myself. I have never written down or expressed these asshole feelings to anyone but here and I'm actually feeling relieved to be able to type it out. Not trying to justify my views at all because I know it's really mean. I've been trying so hard to change my perspective of my loved ones. They are all sweet and nice and I should overlook their "flaws" because I have my own set of flaws too. *sigh*