Hi,

I have had BPD sine 14 my husband of 5 Years knows this and has been great during that time. I pretty much have it under control for the most part (therapy and meds) But my anxiety has been rising since corona started, so I went back to the doctor to get myself figured out before it gets out of hand.

We have been having difficult conversations about our relationship lately I think he is depressed but don't want to push him to do anything. Either way yesterday he hit me with this question:

How do you tell someone you love that you might not love them? How do you know that "the one" is not out there or how do you know if you already found that person?

We evaluate our Relationship on a regular basis as I consider this healthy (More for my benefit to make sure it's me and not the BPD that is controlling anything) But this has sent me reeling. We were planning on starting a family next year and I now wake up feeling horrible every morning. I feel better once the day progresses and I go through the Mantra of You are good enough, you are not an inconvenience etc.

Is it time for me to have a harder look at this relationship? It really hurts when he says things like that but I sometimes don't trust my judgement about it. I felt hurt and angry after that statement yesterday... today I am mostly numb...

I don't even know what I want out of this message advice, perspective? Anyone going through anything similar?

As a side note when we met he was super duper in a depressive episode and I literally had to drag his ass into my psychiatrist office. This helped him back in the day with therapy and meds but I think it might be coming back? or am I just wishing for it to me a different reason than he's not loving me?

Just overall anxious and confused