first i want to apologize about my english, im not a native speaker 
but im exhausted of being so intense and unstable.. i recently started dating my best friend and he is the most caring, loving person i’ve ever seen but i cant help to split and start treating him badly, getting upset and stressed about small things and take out my anger on him.. i just know im going to fuck this relationship and this makes me so so so suicidal, everyday i try to break up with him and i end up crying about being such a mess and a difficult person to deal with 
i just wanted to have a normal brain and love normally but i cant and its so frustrating