I have been homeless for almost a month after having an episode and physically attacking my mom after a heated argument. I ended up having to leave the house and leaving the house. I just came back home today after work. I apologized last week and explained my situation and mental instability. I have a job I love as a Photographer but I'm having to drive long hours and I haven't been getting enough sleep and eating properly. I don't feel in the best headspace. And I can't loose by job because of medical bills and I can't live here with my mom if I'm not working and getting treatment. Which is understandable but I'm probably going to have to quit my job and I've been in and out of work for 2 years. This isn't how I imagined my life to be even though I'm a lot better now than when I wasn't on any medication. I haven't been diagnosed with BPD but I was in DBT and seeking a diagnosis for BPD and was happy with my therapist then had to quit therapy due to loosing my jobs. I'm feeling implusive and instead of hurting myself I'm on Grindr and want to just meet up with a random stranger online and not really caring about myself. I just want a distraction from the things that are going on.