(F, 25, BPII) I always wonder if I’m on ~too~ many medications and that’s why I still don’t feel like I’m stable. I take Atenolol, Lexapro, Lamictal, and Rexulti every day, and Ativan as needed (and has been needed more frequently as of late).

I also really don’t think I know what good and stable should be for me. My baseline is typically always “meh” but… that doesn’t sound like a mentally healthy baseline to me. 

I work in public education working with elementary kids. It’s tanking my mental health, but these needy friends are crying for help and this is my life passion. Quitting my job is not an option, and something my psychologist says we will continue to discuss over and over because they know I am incredibly stubborn. 

I’m working very closely with my psych and medication provider (who also work closely together in the same office). They’ve mentioned Ketamine treatments if we all feel it’s getting resistant, but can’t help but wonder if I’m correct and all the meds are making me stunt progress. Either that, or I’m about to dip down and spiral with my moods because I’m starting to think I’m going to “find myself” by reasoning my way out of meds. 

I don’t really have a question but would love to hear from anyone reading this, and maybe just reassurance in which direction my foggy mind is trying to take me against my will.