I was grabbing all the courage I have to go to this therapy. I told my therapist 1 week prior that I want to meet her in person rather than chatting. I had an exam today morning and I went to the therapist after that. I had 3 paracetamol 650s before to calm my nerves down. Not a great method, but my therapist won't give me meds because I overdose and really haven't opened up to her yet. I reached home and told my mom how the exam went and we started to dress up. She was coming along with me because she told a day before that she also wanted a session with my therapist to talk about me. Later she told me it was also about her mental health. My Overthinking brain thought that she was going to talk shit about me to the therapist. I greeted the therapist with all the energy I had and my mom started talking and I kept quiet. The therapist would look at me and order me to do some stuff and then would listen to my mom again. This happened for about 15 minutes. My mom later told me to go outside so that she could have her session. I wasn't ok that time cause I so badly wanted to open up to my therapist and now I had to wait and overthink about it. I  listened to music for the first 30 minutes. Then I started to lose control. I saw some coffee powder on the table of the therapist's sitting area. I kept control and looked down for 30 seconds. I didn't wanna go overboard with caffeine again. But I lost it. I rushed and took 4 or 5 packets (small ones),violently mixed it with some ice cold water and drank it in one go. I was feeling dizzy after doing everything including coming to the therapist's office, writing an exam and taking too much medicine. So I sort of napped for 1 ½ hours and woke up feeling shitty again. My mom wasn't done and it had been 2 hours. I lost hope. "I don't think they'll take you seriously, you are just a teenager who wants attention. Look at all the acts you did just to get noticed. You wounded yourself, drank too much coffee, had random medicines around the house, doesn't study and blame it on your mental health". This thought was all that was going on in my head. I felt useless. I wanted to die and just go numb. I pinched myself. Felt better but wasn't enough. Then the therapist opened the door and stepped out to make some coffee for her. My mom asked me if I could make her some coffee too. I made her a coffee and gave it to her. They told me to close the door again. They weren't done. 2 hours became 4 hours. My hands started to shake. The amount of food I had wasn't enough in the evening. At sharp 6, the doors opened again and told me to come inside. The therapist started to talk about some measures me and my mom should take in order to reduce the anxiety. My mom has more anxiety than me. My mom was very open to the therapist and told about her life in front of me and told how my dad is the way he is and how it's because of his past trauma that he became a person like this. I just sat there whole my mom and the therapist talked about my dad, my mom's mom and her sister and how much pressure and anxiety is being created in her brain because of this. My hands started to shake again. So I went out for a glass of water and just started to shake violently and almost ripped the entire paper cup because of the physical inconvenience. "Nothing is getting better. Nothing is working. I am stupid and untreatable because I don't have any problems to begin with". I started to tear up and cried for 30 seconds before I washed my face and headed back. The session continued for 2 more hours with my mom and my therapist talking about my mom's life and me casually passing comments to let the therapist know that I'm OK when I'm obviously not. We ended the session because the therapist was busy after that. 7 hours of complete solitude made me realize what the actual fuck my brain is.