feels like the end of us. we've already broken up several times during our relationship, as i've said before. im extremely attached to her and clingy, and she wants even more time to herself/away from me. and because of my overthinking, i spiral, and think shes gonna cheat. and when i mention that she gets fed up. we're already long distance and she's broken my trust before. i know i should let go of the past but im trying and she doesn't see it. she's probably gonna break up with me for good, and she'll be fine without me but i will literally want to kill myself. 

to add to it all, i spiraled a few days ago and am receiving professional care. everything is crumbling and she's my only anchor. the only thing keeping me sane. i know thats bad but keeping friends is hard due to my mental illnesses.

anyways, my BPD is basically surrounded by my relationship with her and it sucks. she gets all of the symptoms of it at her. i've wanted the therapy for BPD but no one listens to me, and i've talked about going on mood stabilizers but still havent been able to. 

i dont know how to control my symptoms. insecurity, jealousy, fear of her leaving. it would be better if we could move in together, but money is tight and im trying to get it.

anyways im numb now and am gonna shut this all away by taking a nap instead of wanting to harm or send her loads of emotional text messages.

PLEASE IF ANYONE HAS RELATIONSHIP ADVICE with attachment issues, trust issues etc please reply.