I have been pondering what could be the factors that hinders my growth as an individual. I figured that I have my own mistakes too. 

Although I am thankful that my parents strived on paying for a car and a house, I can’t help but blame their poor family planning. They have been separated for almost 10 years and both have left home. During the pandemic, they both have been struggling helping out on paying bills for the house. Thankfully I have a job that could cover some bills. Recently both parents are grumbling that they are struggling due the inflation, like i am not in the same boat. No hate to my mom because she’s been working so hard abroad to make ends meet and provide allowance for my sister (which is still in college). Whilst my dad, who has a running small business with his girlfriend, can’t even give a small amount of financial assistance. I don’t ask a lot of money, only if I really have nothing left and if my sister has payments for her college. 

I had to sell the car because I couldn’t pay for the maintenance anymore, plus the gas prices are hiking. I cannot pay for the extra expenses for the house, which is rat infested, a lot of pipes needs to be fixed or replaced, basically the whole place needs renovation.

I’ve let my sister sell some of our appliances just so she could ear few money for her college. As for me, I’ve accepted few sidelines and cut off expenses that’s not needed. But I’m having impostor syndrome with my career right now. 

My goal was to build them a peaceful home so everyone can live comfortably but i have to pay the price by sacrificing my youth, trying to pull some strings to keep this house together but I really cannot save it anymore.

I have to let go.