I’m in full self-loathing mode. Am I really an unfit childish nerd with BPD and no real-world experience at the whims of his BPD mother who won’t stop treating me like a man-child? Has my life-long lifestyle of sitting around doing no chores or work doomed me to a perpetual inability to live functionally? Are my maladaptive daydreams the only world where I can enjoy myself because the real me is completely dysfunctional?

Just a week ago I was hopeful that I would finally work out and eat healthily. I would finally teach myself to cook and clean. I would fill out paperwork and do a course. But, isolation has finally gotten to me. By this stage I would find any and all escapes from my family, especially my mum, because the more I hang around her, the worse off I am.