I feel betrayed, I feel sad, I already suffer from suicidal thoughts and my partner did something that honestly feels like he is cutting me out . He is keeping me in the dark regarding a deal.
I feel very depressed , almost suicidal.
I want to cry and scream at him .. I don't know how to handle this situation.
He is my partner and my best friend but idk why he is acting this way with Me .
No one fkn cares about me. No one. 
Honestly , if I die , no one would miss me. Not my wife,not my father , maybe mom a little but that's it.. 
I want to end my life . I have access to the material and I just don't have the balls to go through it.
I am fkn mess . Fkn loser. Fkn shit of a person.