so, as the title says, i feel like the only way to make amends with my past actions is to stop existing. i feel like i can't get better and my mind is too warped to consider that i should stay away from other people, like even now i'm in a relationship and we're both really fragile, i feel like i can never learn from my past mistakes since i know this relationship is probably going to fail as well. i love him and i want to try, but when should i seriously start considering that relationships aren't for me and that the best thing to do is to stop existing in other peoples' lives?
i'm trying to get help but it has been really hard to acquire it recently. i really want help but it's a devastating process because i don't know if anything is ever going to make it better. idk what to do