This is so stupid. When I was actually trying to want to stay alive I was near constantly fighting against suicidal thoughts/ideation, but now that I actually want to die (NEED to, since the longer I stay alive at this point the more financial burden I’m leaving on my mom and also the more depressed and miserable I get) I’m not suicidal enough to actually do it. I was hoping the whole seasonal depression thing would kick in, but no luck so far. This year I’m just tired and numb 24/7. This sucks. Someone please come shoot me (ideally before November 1st please). 