So some context. 24 year old male here. The mental health team I see (all of whom are involved in my treatment but not as a cohesive team - I.E GP, psychiatrist, psychologist) seem to disagree on my diagnosis. Sometimes they refer to it as PTSD/BPD, other times cPTSD and say the first is basically the same as it’s ‘complex trauma.’ 

It confuses me a lot though. The only two symptoms of BPD I meet are impulsive behaviour (substance use) and self harm, and even these only happen when the cause of my trauma is present (like having to talk about it/be around that person/have them still do it to me). I go through periods of complete stability when the person isn’t in the same city as me or when I go interstate or overseas. 

I don’t have any fear of abandonment. 3 of my closest mates have moved interstate or overseas, or will be moving - I trust our friendships will develop and change to suit the distance and that we are good enough friends that this distance won’t change that. I’m more wary of intimacy than anything else. I’m scared of being close to people, not because they’ll leave me, but because they might hurt me like my abuser has. I sometimes don’t like being alone but that’s primarily because if I’m alone sometimes, I have intrusive thoughts about abuse and memories associated with that, and then I constantly think about how I’m unable to cut the person out of my life. 

My relationships with friends are completely stable. The only relationship that isn’t, is the one with my abuser (again, a caveat that I can’t cut this person out). The only people I’ve had ‘unstable’ relationships with have generally be unfavourable characters (heavy drug users with very toxic behaviour etc). Even after falling out with an old housemate I moved out to ensure our friendship wouldn’t be ruined by living together. 

I don’t understand what a shifting self image is - my self esteem is generally low. And I have to talk myself into believing I’m good. 

Impulsive behaviour - this, definitely. But only when external events have caused this desire to resurface. Every time I’ve left the state I’ve not used drugs, drank, and have even quit smoking. 

Self harm - see above. I’ve always hidden it as well. I wear short sleeves now but that’s because I’ve stopped doing it for about a year. 

Emotional swings - again, generally caused by a specific person/place. Mood stabilisers have removed this aspect of bipolar. And the ‘emotional swings’ that come from this are more unease and anxiety about being around this person and wanting to minimise the contact. 

Emptiness - not really. Hopelessness about the situation when the issue happens again and again, but I have hobbies, enjoy things that I do, and generally enjoy life. When it’s bad it’s more that I feel trapped due to my inability to stop the abuse. 

Anger - I genuinely can’t remember the last time I was actually angry. Neither can any of my friends, and even when I asked them in relation to this most of them said “I’ve seen you really frustrated but you generally just say why you’re annoyed and try to talk it over, and you’re usually annoyed about the situation rather than a person.”

Even when I’ve been put in intolerable situations with selfish people taking me for granted (and I won’t specify, but people trying to use me to get away with illegal things then having a cry when I told them no), I’m pretty relaxed about it. I just don’t get mad. 

So yeah. I know people here aren’t psychs or doctors, but I wanted to ask people with BPD (and given the overlap with PTSD) whether I should just sit down individually with them and ask them to clarify why they think I fit the diagnostic criteria for BPD or cPTSD and whether they can settle on one? It seems treatment is really different for each and I’d prefer not to do the wrong one. I’ve wasted enough time struggling with mental health. I just don’t feel like I fit this criteria for BPD. 

Thanks