my grandfather and nephew passed away less than 4 months apart from each other and my depression has gotten worse. the only reason i dont kill myself is because i dont want to cause a chain reaction in friends and family. i just want to not live anymore. its not worth it, after graduation you work until you die unless you get lucky and become rich and dont have to worry. i want to start cutting again but it will break my 3 year streak. im so riddled with trauma that i feel like a fucking vegetable as i walk around and dissociate 247. i just want the pain to end.