Lately I’ve been having a really hard time. I impulsively walked out of not one but TWO different jobs, broke off my engagement multiple times, along with kicking my fiancé out several times, I stopped taking my meds, skipped my last therapy session, started spending money very recklessly, started “taking” to other people, etc. I know I’m being self destructive but I just can’t stop. It sucks so bad. I don’t want to do any of the things I’m doing but I just keep doing it all. I’m lashing out at my SO and I keep trying to talk him out of sticking around through it all. I truly feel he deserves better but I don’t actually want him to go. It’s a terrible battle. I feel like this has all been going on for the last month and half and every time I talk to my therapist or psychiatrist about what’s going on I feel as if it’s just being swept under the rug. I feel like I’m drowning and nobody’s listening to me. I’m just tired of it all. I know that life will never be without struggle but it’d be so nice to not be so self destructive. I just want to be okay. I’m thinking I need to start by finding a new support system.... But I’m just so overwhelmed and defeated that I just want to give up. I have an overwhelming urge to just run away from everything and the urge grows more and more every day.