It’s not that I don’t understand the correlation, obviously a lack of sleep is the cause for it. It’s just every time I lose even the slightest bit of energy I feel myself spiral down each time. I’ll get up and somewhat feel like myself, and then I fall back into shadow by night, every night. Sometimes, it gets extremely bad. I got really tired at work today, I was already dealing with pressure from customers and from drama with a coworker (which is a different story), and towards the end I was dead quiet and I was thinking bad thoughts about ending myself, and I’ve gotten like that more frequently. There’s been a lot going on in my life, it’s been rough. I thought I had finally reached a point where I was past a lot of things but now these urges for not wanting to exist anymore keep swirling in my mind, especially when I go to sleep each night. It feels awful when I can’t escape from solemnity when I just want to be happy and do things.