Idk why my depression is getting worse. I just moved back in at my university and I'm happy since I'm finally away from my family again. But the depression has been beating my ass. I feel like shit all the time. I don't like going out in public because I feel embarrassed and inadequate with everything I do. But when I'm alone it's not any better. It's not even a looks thing because when I look in the mirror I don't hate what I see. I just FEEL bad. And I've been having an identity crisis and buying a lot of clothes to fit my new look, but looking at the amount of money I've spent makes me feel worse. 

I feel so incapable of doing anything even tho logically (I think) it's not true. So it's making it really hard for me to apply for work study jobs and paid research positions at school. I just feel so low and spend a lot of energy faking it when I'm out with aquaintances. My obsessive thoughts about drugs and sh-ing have also been getting louder. I just got back from the store with a whole first aid kit and razors... I haven't done it yet but I know I won't be able to resist for much longer and the weather isn't cold enough to excuse me wearing long sleeves all the time. Idk what to do but I'm so tired of feeling like this