I don't know anymore. I had a psychosis last year, around the same time as now. And I'm currently not on meds anymore because I did not need them. The doctors also said that I don't need them. Well, well now I'm sitting her after I was in hospital and at the doctor to check if I have any physical problems. I had none, my hearth is ok and perfect. But it still feels like someone is sitting on it. I feel pressure in it. It's not  bearable. And it won't go away. That's when I get worried, at first I thought it had something to do with BPD. Because a girl did ignore me and didn't text back, what caused me to freaked out. That's when this started, by the way. Since then, I feel like going insane. It's like I'm gone burst from the inside. It feels like I'm exploding. I had  tactile hallucinations last year during my psychosis, which was not really a true psychosis in my opinion. I had no  unchallengeable delusion. And  symptoms were flying from one side to the next. Still I got Seroquel or Quentiapin which is a hell of a drug to put someone one. And I don't want to get that shit again. Also, back then I was in the teen mental hospital which is excellent in my area, but the adult one is trash. You can't go there, you don't get therapy or treatment, all you get is drugs. And no one cares about you. It was literally like that, but it feels like I'm going insane, nothing gets better at home. It just gets worse day after day. I try to endure it the best I can, but it's not ending. I feel like I'm dying before I hit new year... You know, I'm born 2002 and my birthdate has a lot of 2s in it. That's why I will 100% die 2022. I only have 2 more days and life gives me psychosis or hallucinations for me to die. I know this cant be true, but I still feel like it's true. I can't control it and push my feelings back anymore. It's like life is a hell. I don't want to have Schizophrenia. I will never be able to fulfill my dreams I get put on drugs no one listens to me and I sleep the hole day. All my creative energy will be gone because of some shit diagnosis I did not choose to have. Meanwhile, I'm still getting emotionally abused at home and no one loves me at all. I had visual hallucinations yesterday, but they went away today. I'm domed and going to die soon it's unlucky and even if I will not die how is this liveable when I have schizophrenia. I needed to  repeat this last year of school before college because of the psychosis and PTSD already once, I can't do it again. I will not be happy ever. If I don't complete this year, my mom will continue the abuse and I can never escape my faith. I really want to die, but at the same time I don't, because if I just got treated right this wouldn't have happened to me. What should I do in your opinion? Please help me? :\^(