I'm not sure if I'll be understood even if I talk about it to my psychiatrist or friends so I'm writing it here hoping there's someone who will enlighten me. 

As long as I've been struggling with bpd, I've let myself into many hobbies to let those big emotions out, even though I knew anger sometimes, finding myseld destroying stuffs I made no matter how long it took.  
The thing is...  Even though many people have praised my work, each time I post my art on social media such as Twitter, it triggers depressive episode because it doesn't get as much visibility as it can get here.  (You can check on my profile my work)  
And the loneliness following is so painful, it makes me feel alone, unloved, even if there's this rational part of myself who knows it's all about algorithm, the fact my self-esteem is unstable it makes my world full of bad thoughts.  
I really love drawing but, I used to love it when it wasn't about looking for recognition from society, the world and when it wasn't about finding a place where I would feel accepted as I am.  

I...  I'm not sure anymore what I worth, maybe it's all because I'm not good enough and maybe I'm lacking.  I wish I could share my work without feeling so unloved, so hurt. 

Why everything I do makes me feel that way?  Why should it be about feeling unloved and lonely once again?  I'm so lost. 

I only have my art to survive in this world, I can't even have a decent job because each time I feel a kind of stress or pressure, it triggers my anxiety disorders that is making my bpd worse then come unhealthy habits, the will to end everything. 

I wish I was stronger...