Hi! My name is Miraina, I'm 27 years old and I have a generalized anxiety disorder, ADD and a little touch of depression. I also have an 8 year old daughter, that's really what this post is about. So if you're a parent that suffers with this, please let me know I'm not alone and what you do about it. And please don't say anything rude like I'm way too extreme or crazy because I have no idea how to control this. 

ALSO I don't have the funds to see a therapist, I am just on medicine for my disorders. 

I love my daughter so much, so so much. She is literally my heart walking out of my body. I have no idea what I would do without her, she keeps me alive. So since she was born, I have been a helicopter mom. I don't even think my anxiety, at least, was terrible until she was born. She is a very safe kid. 

People think I worry too much but I don't see it as worrying that much anymore I mean it is terrible, for years now. Every time that she's away from me, my mind just goes into this terrible awful place. I don't like other people driving her around, even if they are family members, because what if something happens to her? The car flips, she's walking in a parking lot and a car hits her, she gets kidnapped. When she's at school (I work at her school) I think about how a school shooter is going to come in and kill her. That she's going to fall off of something on the playground and bust her head open or break a bone. 

Now, more often recently, it gets worse when she is with me. For example, we're riding down the road and a car is going to pass us and I see it in my mind, like the image is there right in front of me, of us getting into a wreck with this car and she dies and I don't know what to do with myself. It is literally the worst possible thing, the fact that I can SEE it in my mind. Another thing is while I'm trying to fall asleep, I think about how I'm going to wake up in the morning and she won't be breathing. My boyfriend will tell anyone if they inquired that I really do get up about 10 times during the night and put my hand on her chest to make sure she's breathing. Is this every night? No. But the thought occurs every night. 

And to add to all the awfulness of this, my daughter also has this problem. It's not every day but I know when it's going on. Most nights she talks in her sleep, the nights that she doesn't she always wakes up the next morning to tell me she had a nightmare that I died and I couldn't be her mom anymore. \~I'm literally tearing up typing this\~ She's had 4 great grandparents pass away in the past few years and I think it affected her in the worst of ways, she was very close to these people. Being young and experiencing death must be awful. We both experienced our first death in our family together. Now she is in (sometimes) constant thought, even when we're just hanging out, that I'm going to die and it hurts me too. 

So anyways, it has been getting worse for the past year and I don't know who to turn to or talk to about it. I feel like if I told my parents they would put me in a mental hospital. I'm not sheltering my daughter more due to this, it is just causing me to have sleep problems as well as scaring the hell out of me every day. I hate that death is inevitable.