I find that I have a hard time having feelings for people. I usually am only interested in people I find different/unique/interesting but they’re typically the most unavailable/toxic people ever. I find that when I do meet “kind” men, I use them as “emotional crutches,” meaning I just use them to validate me or as a shoulder to cry on. I use them to cry about my problems or about my favorite people (usually former romantic partners) that have abandoned me. I always let these emotional crutches know I probably won’t have feelings for them (but I feel so guilty for doing this and I feel like a bad person for using them). 

I rarely have romantic/emotional connections with men, but when it does happen it’s very intense. I become extremely possessive and jealous because I am scared they’ll reject or abandon me. I feel like the only person who can’t connect romantically to people easily and people have made me feel guilty/like a bad person for this. I just don’t feel like I can have normal relationships. Am I the only one?