Hi everyone. I'm f21 and have been diagnosed BPD since I was 18, I would've had the dx earlier had my psych properly diagnosed me to begin with.

I find the hardest of the symptoms to be regulating my emotions but also coping when I don't have someone to be a FP. I know it's unhealthy for me to have someone be a FP but God, I feel so empty and soulless without someone. I feel grey and dull and just, lifeless. Like nothing is enjoyable or worth my time. All I can do is doom scroll on social media or work it feels like. I used to love drawing, but I think the only reason I drew so much is because my past FPs always encouraged it.

I just feel like a shell of a human and I don't know how to do things that I want to do, I don't even know what kinds of things I want to do for myself to begin with. Like I am not a human, unless I have a FP to mold the human I'm supposed to be for the time I spend with them. I hope that makes sense to someone.

What do you all do to cope with these feelings of emptiness? How do you just, enjoy things for yourself and not as something you feel like you have to enjoy?? It's so difficult for me to grasp for some reason :(

Thank you to anyone who reads or offers advice, it means a lot to me