I keep telling myself that.  I believe it.  I'm a loathsome sack of shit addict who can't help but chase a high.  Any high.  I lie and lie and lie. I want it to stop.  I drink now, more than I should.  I borrow four booze, but I'm good for it till next week.  I hate myself.  I drink to forget that I hate myself.  Cyclic I know... why do I bother getting up in the morning? It's all so pointless and nihilistic this life I live. Why do I bother? God I'm sad...