I was talking about in tsome other thread... I'm literally the power child for BPD recovery at my clinic that I go to for therapy. I get invited to university as a cases tudy, I get invited to journalists to talk about BPD, I even once made a little film with my therapist for the website. LOL! 

But it's not because I am so good at recovery, no.

I'm just good at faking it. I don't know when the last time that I told my therapist how bad I feel was. We still talk about some shit, yea. And maybe I'll be honest at least about the current topic whenever the start a new topic... but then I get into the faking mode again. 

That image from the hopeless pwBPD to that recovered, strong adult. I love that. And I automatically just take that role. In reality I don't really feel better at all.

If I bring that up it will be the same FUCKING BORING conversation as always. "Look at everything you've already accomplished! :)", "What can we be grateful about? :)", "Let's shift our focus! :)". I don't want to hear it anymore. I STILL feel like shit!!!!!

She doesn't get it! She just doesn't see through it! 11 years of therapy. For nothing. Literally. I'm just good at faking everything. FAKE PERSONALITY, FAKE RECOVERY, FAKE HAPPINESS, FAKE FRIENDLINESS. FAKE, FAKE, FAKE. I get so many compliments. I'm just not like that, stop praising me!!!! STOP FUCKING PRAISING ME!!!!!! I'm a manipulative, narcissistic, self-destructive, depressed bitch. Literally a bitch, because I love cheating. Every word out of my mouth is a calculated part of my game.