I’m sorry if this sounds superficial and I don’t mean to come off as such. I just don’t know where to turn or who to talk to because this consumes my brain and has taken its toll on my mental health and self esteem. 

To preface, I have struggled with depression for many years. I am a 26 year old female and honestly hate myself from head to toe, in all ways. I have always felt this way about myself but over the years have built more confidence which I’m happy about, and I’ve worked on my appearance a lot but I just feel like no matter what I do it’s never enough. The problem is I have a gigantic nose that I feel plagues my entire face and just makes it impossible for me to feel confident and secure. I constantly feel like that’s what people are thinking about when looking at me because it’s honestly all I’m thinking about. I get told I’m pretty quite often and her hit on and such and am currently in a relationship, but I just don’t see it. I am constantly picking myself apart and constantly stare at awful pictures of myself wishing I could change it. I can’t afford rhinoplasty, but even if I could I don’t think I would want to do it because I have a wide thick nose with very thick skin and I have read multiple articles on how this type of skin should not be performed on. I also worry about what people would think if I got a nose job, I know I shouldn’t but I am constantly surrounded by judgmental people who love to bring others down. 

Also, it really affects my relationship. I don’t want to have kids because I don’t want to burden a child with this repulsive feature. I don’t mean a big nose in general, I mean MY nose. I see women all the time with big noses who are absolutely beautiful, I have just yet to see a woman with a nose like mine and it just brings me down so much. My boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful all the time but I even feel like he can’t or won’t look past it. I have never mentioned this insecurity to him because I am absolutely terrified of bringing anymore attention to it and I just feel like saying it out loud makes it so much more real. I don’t think I have ever expressed my discontent with my nose to anyone before just out of sheer embarrassment. I’ve never really had anyone comment on it either besides an ex boyfriend and it absolutely destroyed me. 

I sometimes look at old pictures where I felt pretty and absolutely cringe because of how my nose looks and wonder how tf I ever thought I looked good. I can’t even express how sad and upset this makes me because there are just so many emotions going through my head it is hard to put everything into words. 

I guess I just needed somewhere to vent, somewhere to just express my feelings to strangers without feeling like I need to hold back.