[scroll for question] I don’t know what to do anymore. I have previously been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bpd, and dpdr. Today I don’t think I match the anxiety and dpdr label anymore. I seem to have some tramua that I can’t really identify. I’ll tell you guys everything and see if this would explain why my head is pounding. I’m desperate. Around mid 2019 I started developing anxiety and depression from some unfortunate life events. Over time these issues became too much to ignore and I started Prozac for my symptoms. I was on Prozac until January this year where things got really bad. Out of nowhere I began loosing my sense of time. January itself felt like years ago, and it felt like it lasted ages. I was depressed to the point that I had lost control of myself. I was making regular attempts and doing anything I could to harm my body. This is where DPDR was added to my diagnosis as everything in my life was so painful that I couldn’t believe I was real anymore. I was out on lexapro where I began to hear voices. I stayed on it until February until I made a massive attempt on my life and had it taken from me. During my time on lexapro I felt so inhuman. All I knew were angry voices telling me to die. I’m only adding this because if I am traumatized this could be one of the reasons why. After thag major attempt I was put on Pristiq which had some strange effects. I think by the time I was out on Pristiq I seemed changed. I couldn’t sympathize with my past experiences and didn’t know who I was. I felt like instead of having mental illness, my brain had just physically re arranged myself to tolerate my sick behaviours without them harming me emotionally. I began to become apathetic. I laid in bed all day feeling a strange amount of joy from the pristiq dose being too high. While I’d like to think Pristiq cured the worst of my depression, I feel as if it did that by changing my psychology. I used to be kind and loving despite everything, and now I look at my own family and feel nothing. Around April I was given Latuda an antipsychotic for my hysterical bpd mood swings. I seemed to have a bad reaction because on the two days that I took Latuda all I felt was pounding in my head. It was like the worst stress headache I could desvribe, and only two days of it made me suicidal. I think this is where the headache begins. After coming off Latuda I noticed that any time I tried to do anything positive for myself beyond self sabotage, I would feel the same pounding in my head. I’ve resorted to substance abuse and self sabotage again to keep this headache at bay. 


Nows the actual question. What happened to me? Why did I go from someone suffering minor mental illness to a complete wreck in just a year. I don’t even feel mentally ill anymore. I don’t feel that same pain I used to feel. I just have these strange behaviours now. Is this tramua? Have I been acting this way to cope with some tramua of mine? Or have all my meds been effecting me, as my behaviours took a turn for he worse after each medication I took. So my question is, meds, tramua, or something else? What has made me into the wreck I am today? And how to I fix myself, because any time I try the raging headache comes back and traps me in my cycle of self abuse. I know this case may be confusing. Thanks if anyone had any ideas at all, I’m just desperate.