I have depression since a while but I always wanted to try, to push myself, to try and try and try. I was also scared to die. But everything hurts. It hurts so much I can’t anymore. Literally everything hurts and I tried everything to get better. I found a job, a new apartment, etc. But I don’t wanna do this anymore. All these things, like new friends, job, etc., it hurts also. I don’t wanna hurt other people and that’s the only reason I’m alive. But I can’t make other people “happy”, if I can’t do this anymore. I know this is selfish, but this is the first time in my life where I’m being selfish. I loved to take care from other people, loving them. But I don’t have anyone and that’s okay. I’m at a point where I just want to die and that this ends. This is my decision. And it makes me happy. It makes me so happy. I don’t wanna hurt anyone, but I can’t live for this reason anymore. I want this to be okay. I didnt made a decision when I was born and I want to make my decision about my life/death. I had no control over my life and that’s the only thing in this world that I want. I really tried everything to work things out. I want to die and be an organ donor. This idea is the ONLY one that makes me happy. Could that be okay? Because I really tried everything and it gets worse. At this point, I can’t do this anymore. I don’t wanna feel this pain anymore. And this wont stop until im alive.