I have every single symptom except I’ve never cut myself or had an unsuccessful attempt. I have had real suicidal thoughts a lot though and one day I literally spent so long looking up methods and wanted to use my dad’s belt to hang me. That night we had family friends over and I was in tears. It truly felt like I might have gone through it that day. When you tell others these things though you seem like an attention seeker and part of me thinks I did want attention, in fact that’s what I needed the most. 

I was alone with my parents at home during covid and they completely neglect me. They do enough to make themselves feel like good parents but I felt completely invisible. So I have some sympathy for the attention seekers at times because maybe they were just constantly ignored. 

That day I actually told my mom what I wanted to do and I actually felt truly loved. She told me that my life means more than anything to her but that love was temporary. Next day it’s as if none of that happened and most of the time they don’t show me that love unless I act dramatic. They don’t give me the words I need to hear unless I become super dramatic.

Ik a lot of this is unrelated to the question but it just came out