Basically, I'm 23 with BPD and live in a small (ish) city and only started socialising when I was 20 (I was homeschooled). I caused a lot of issues for others because I didn't understand how to have healthy relationships and often went too far whenever I drank at social events due to anxiety. I was cheated on by my first ever boyfriend, which made me suicidal, erratic and ruined my self-esteem. This was a very abusive relationship. I began to abuse Valium because I was constantly on edge. I was then cheated on again by the next boyfriend I had, and also spiralled out of control again.   
My self-destructive behaviour caused a huge misunderstanding among the friend circles I shared; people abandoned and began to ignore me. Some people told me that my life really wasn't that bad and that I was only doing things for attention or to hurt others. It's difficult because I constantly run into these people and I have so much shame attached to this time of my life; there were multiple suicide attempts and failed relationships. I have tried to explain my feelings and mental health to people but it makes me feel even more isolated when they don't understand.  


I rarely socialise now and have withdrawn again. I never had friends growing up, so I still feel disappointed in myself for overreacting and handling things so poorly. I constantly feel like everyone hates me, even if we rarely interacted.  
Would it be worth trying to find some sort of closure with these people, or should I just forget about it and work on becoming a better person?