I am currently feeling stuck in my situation with my therapist. 


Some background information:
My healthcare provider usually cycles through therapists every 12-18 months as therapists move on/up to different roles. My previous therapist was wonderful. She helped me make progress, she challenged me (in a good way) each session, and she would always give me little homework to do that aided in my progress. I was able to do more and get more out of life with her as a therapist. I was able to navigate my very few friendships, and I was able to deal with and process ongoing family triggers. I felt lighter after our sessions. I wish she could have stayed my therapist for much longer. 


She ended up moving on and even though I requested a woman therapist, I was assigned a man. This was a situation that I had to accept because my healthcare provider simply doesn’t have the necessary amount of therapists to fulfill all requests. Now, my issues with my current therapist aren’t because he’s a man, but it already started out unsatisfying. 


The worst part about the new therapist is that I am just not getting anything out of it. (Well, not really new anymore, it’s been longer than the usual stint, I guess he is just not moving on.) The problem is, if I put in a new request I am not sure if there is even another available therapist. And my hands are tied because if I were to drop him altogether, it could be several months to years before I got placed with another therapist again. Allegedly my healthcare provider is doing more hiring, but they are currently in an employment crisis where they do not have enough mental healthcare workers for the number of patients. Also, I don’t want to make things awkward if he knows I have put in a request, unless it’s just simply that I would rather have a woman therapist. 


I know some of this is my fault because I have accepted this standard of care from him this whole time and haven’t pushed back harder for what I needed. I do come to every appointment prepared with topics and things I need to work through. One thing that bugs me is that he ALWAYS relates his own life and family issues back to what I am talking about. I have never had a therapist do that. We are from the same hometown and the same age and his background comes up sometimes. I usually don’t know anything about my therapist’s personal life. I am really getting tired of it. Trying to normalize anything I bring up doesn’t help me process it. When he does give advice it’s like he doesn’t even listen because it’s usually something that’s not even possible to do within the circumstances.


I bring up some of the same triggers or some of the same past traumas/issues often that get drudged up, but again, he usually relates it back to something and it doesn’t really get processed. Sometimes half our session is just talking about current events. I think he feels comfortable sharing some of his questionable takes on things with me because I kind of don’t react or just nod along with it. 


He also brings up other patients. Nothing specific, but it’s usually related to someone not wanting to comply with treatment plans. I guess in contrast to the fact that I am super compliant and have a rigid plan/routine. Sometimes I feel like he views our sessions as a break from his other patients because of this, hence the casual conversation. 


I am not really looking for any advice or answers here, just mostly venting. But I just really miss having a therapist that helped me make progress. This therapist is just always telling me what a great job I am doing. Which, OK, I am stable, I am doing an OK job, but I know there is more progress I can make. My life and world is very small and I get stuck in old drudged up trauma and external triggers that are unavoidable.


His calendar wasn’t open to make my next appointment yet when we talked last. I know things are starting to be prioritized by need and since he thinks I am doing fine it could be a while before I get another appointment. He did tell me that I should be seeking more resources outside of my healthcare provider. Our group that had been going for years got cancelled so I have been doing DBSA groups, but I should still be able to rely on them for a therapist!


If we do meet again, I plan to come with more ways to push back about my goals/lack of goals and what I can do to make progress again. I’m also considering making a call to my healthcare provider and seeing about requesting a new therapist. I just want to feel like I am getting something out of therapy again and I miss feeling lighter.