This issue is just getting worse and worse as I get older, and I’m starting to worry that there’s something wrong with me, like I’m a sociopath or have another mental illness. I’m 26 F diagnosed with depression, anxiety and BPD, and I cannot stand replying to - or writing - messages or emails. 

It’s at the point where I won’t reply for weeks or months and then I just give up on my intention to reply because it’s been so long. Emails (even work related ones) can stay in my inbox for months. I’m self-employed and often send my invoices a month or more after I initially intended to, even though it would result in me getting paid. Most times I don’t reply at all, or I have to make myself sit down once a month and force myself to do it, and it feels like I’m in physical pain, I hate and fear it so much. I’ve missed out on so many personal and professional opportunities because I just can’t bring myself to message or email. 

I don’t know what’s going on with me - it feels like every message I receive is intrusive, and I feel a weird combination of anger and fear every time I receive a new notification. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m extremely introverted and don’t like social interaction even in person, or if it’s a weird type of self-sabotage, or anxiety about something specific? The strange thing is I KNOW what I would say, I don’t care about what they’d think of the message/email - I just can’t bring myself to do it. It’s like I hate the act of writing them, and the feeling of receiving them. 

Does anyone else have this? I don’t know what to do. I have weekly therapy (personal and group) and I’ve still not been able to get around this issue.