Like no matter how hard you try, you’ll just never be a good person or not suicidal? Everytime I think I’ve changed I just hit this massive rockslide and somehow sink deeper. I always lose people because of it and it wears on the friend on have left to the point where when I get like this she just snaps that she doesn’t know what to say to me and that I don’t listen. I guess she’s right but I hope I’m not the only one. I just feel like a lost cause and that that won’t ever change.