This is the longest in my life I’ve gone without an FP. I’m a freshman in college and I have basically spent the past 7and 1/2 months alone after two long term, very serious relationships that were back-to-back. I spend all day and night in my room, going to only some of my classes, working out every day, and basically not doing anything on the weekends. I’ve made two friends and I’ve been working really hard to control my BPD because I want relationships with people that will actually LAST. I don’t have any family or friends to lean on and it’s been so incredibly hard. I’ve felt either numb, intensely happy, or suicidal. At this point I just feel like there isn’t a purpose, I don’t want to connect with anyone because it always ends in abandonment, even when I try with my entire being to be a stable and good friend/partner. Everyone from my past has left, making me feel too hopeless to attempt to bond with anyone in the present. Even when I’m around the two friends, I feel a disconnect because I feel like they don’t like me but know it’s my BPD and don’t want to be dramatic.