Yesterday I saw a tiktok of someone saying "You can't expect extraordinary results if you keep doing the ordinary" and it frustrates me so much bc I know it's true but I have bpd and chronic pain and executive dysfunction plays a huge role in my procrastination. I really want to put in the work to be a great artist, but I'm fucking tired all the time. My hands hurt and I can't practice any instruments lately. I could be practicing my singing but it gives me so much anxiety. I feel like all of these are just excuses but at the same time I want to validate my mental health issues. I just hate living in this body, inside this mind that seems to love suffering. I even think that my self-sabotaging skills are so great that I've somatized them into physical pain and fatigue so that I don't have to do the things that scare me so much. I hate everything. I'm so sad. I'm not okay and I haven't been for a very long time.