And I am the only one that’s there to pick myself and stick my pieces back on. 
I feel so alone. There’s no one there for me in real life. No one is genuine anymore. Barely anyone asks “how are you “ anymore but they expect an answer like I’m good and move on. No one actually wants to hear shit. I feel fucking empty and alone but I’m too afraid to let anyone in my life because I have serious trust issues. 
I took out a life insurance policy for myself years ago with plans to kill myself so my family is taken care of, but I’m even too pussy to kill myself and that drives me insane.
No one wants me in their lives. I’m a burden on people. Everyone hates me. I’m incapable of being loved. Anyway that gets to know me doesn’t want me and they don’t give me second chances. I can’t tell anyone this shit without them cutting me from their lives or calling me an attention whore. I just want this shit life to be over. I want to fast forward to 90 years old on my death bed because I can’t kill myself. God I want to sleep one day and not wake up. 
I haven’t cried like this in forever. It feels good. 


