I have been diagnosed with severe depression first now in my late 39/40. But thinking back I have probably never felt 100%. The pandemic did a number on me and I contemplated s multiple times. 

I don't want to talk about the waves of darkness and how devastating they can be. I want to talk about the small heights when you feel euphoric and hopeful, like you can see a glimpse of happiness. For me they are as brutal as the darkness. that false sense of hope. I could ruin you. I hope somebody else can recognize this. is this normal ? anyone else who recognize these horrid small patches of happiness? 

&amp;#x200B;

sorry English is not my first language. I hope I did a good job describing the conflict inside