There’s this girl I like. She says she doesn’t know how she feels about me and has been saying this for a while. I don’t think she would lie to me about this, but regardless of whether or not it’s true, it’s been long enough that I really don’t want to be stuck like this anymore. If anyone has any advice, please let me know. I can’t cut her off - we’re really good friends and also part of a friend group. 

To be completely honest? I wish I were aromantic. I’m so done with romance. I absolutely hate having unhealthy attachments to people and I hate being so hesitant and anxious and so dependent on her opinion of me. My romantic interests are always my FPs, so I guess you could say in reality I’m done with that, but at least this way it wouldn’t be a romantic relationship I’m thinking of. 

The darker parts of my brain want to Pavlov myself into not liking her. Getting a knife or buying a shock pen and using it every time I think something I shouldn’t. I can’t do that, but I don’t think any future partners of mine deserve that.