So I came on here first maybe a week or two ago and I talked about getting a haircut and freaking out yada-yada. 

Anyways I mentioned in one of my posts that my mother and her siblings planned a trip to the Frio river for my mother’s birthday/family gathering. 

The trip to the river is only like a two hour drive from where I live and I’ve done it a hundred times but the past year or two I’ve developed a fear of traveling in general. 
I missed out on seeing my sister in Arizona not long ago too. 
The last time we were driving back from San Antonio to head home I had a mini attack in the backseat of moms car with my girlfriend there. I told them I just felt ill but my heart was racing and I wanted to cry so bad but I just didn’t want any attention cause I’d just freak more. 

The day I went to talk to my mom and dad about the haircut situation I spent most of the dinner crying over my food. 
I told her I really wanted to go but I wasn’t sure if I would let myself. 
I know she felt my pain cause she cried too. 
She was very considerate of how I was feeling and she understood that I was afraid of just panicking on the road or with the family. 
But we never really figured it out, she never mentioned if she was really wanting me to go. I never really answered either. 

If it was my way all the way I would just stay home but a huge part of me feels bad for not being there for my mom and the other parts of me know that if I always make the excuse of being afraid I’ll never go anywhere again. Not to mention my girlfriend wouldn’t be going and she’s such a big piece of my comfort zone. 

Now I have family texting me and asking if I’m going. I don’t want to tell them I’m scared of being scared. Or scared of panicking. Or to even tell them I have these issues in general 

Any advice on how to handle the anxiety if I decide to go. Any advice on how to approach if I don’t want to go. Just... any advice at all.

Thanks guys and gals.