i went on a date the other night and thought everything was great but i got high and went further with him than i would’ve liked to have gone (for a first date) and now it’s two days later and i haven’t gotten anything from him since. so, rather than being sane and just letting bygones be bygones, of course i had to have the last word and sent a pretty nasty message to him, in which i called him an asshole for ghosting me after i gave him an edible (among other things).

it seems like whenever i go out with a guy, they seem to like me on the date but then just never text me back. due to the amount of times this has happened to me, i’ve internalized it and i know i’ll never be loved because there’s clearly something glaringly wrong wth me. 

i also have this problem where i base my self-worth on whether or not i have a partner (which i haven’t had for a few years now). not only this, but i also base my happiness on this too. i know there’s plenty of other ways i can make myself happy, like pursuing my interests, and that does make me feel good but there’s this huge void i have that’s just impossible to ignore. i just want to be loved, i’m lonely, and i have no friends where i live (or even a way to meet friends). at this point i’m giving up on dating and making friends as it’s never turned out well.