Long story short I (36m) have experienced a lot of abuse (both physical and emotional) from a young age. The memories keep invading and I keep being reminded about horrific shit (things that have either happened to me or to the people I care about)

I’ve been prescribed marijuana for my ptsd and it helps quiet the thoughts (most of the time) but that only works while I’m high. When I’m sober it takes a lot of effort to keep it together, especially at work or around family.

I’m currently in therapy and that helps, the therapist is trying to help me cut down on my marijuana dependence (gone from smoking daily to Friday and Saturday nights). The problem is without weed I’ve got nothing to numb the memories and I worry that they’re slowly killing me.

Honestly at this point the only thing stopping me from ending my life is that I know a lot of people I care about will be hurt. But I’m not sure how long that alone can stop me

Has anyone been through something similar? Any guidance or encouragement you can offer?