He’s basically got drug induced psychosis and it’s been getting really scary lately and basically he got violent with me two nights ago and I had to scream for help because he wouldn’t let me call the cops

And he picked me up so I couldn’t move and I said to him that’s it, it’s over, you’ve gone too far

He’s spent all of today trying to harass me over the phone and he escaped from the hospital for a bit but then the cops caught him again and on Tuesday he’ll be flying interstate to go live with his mum and do whatever the fuck he pleases

And I’m honestly feeling so relieved. He’s caused me so much pain over the last year and a half and I’ve tried so hard to help him stabilise his mental health (while neglecting my own because like I don’t matter to myself) and I’ve wanted ya to break up for a while now but you all know how easy it is to get stuck in these relationships...

I’m going to focus on myself now, become a healthier person and maybe I’ll be able to find a mentally stable person to love and be loved by. 

But I haven’t really been single since I had my first bf at like 13 so this is feeling a bit new to me (I’m 20 now). Has anyone else broken up with their SO and then just wanted to go fuck everybody else like?? Or is that just me. I feel so free. 

Not to say this isn’t heartbreaking because I do love him, but I think the part of my brain saying ‘you can get back together in the future’ is my bpd just still wanting that presence, so I’m just going o hang out with some new friends and distract myself. 

Maybe try going back to work or finding something new to do. I have so many options!!! 

Sorry this ended up all over the place, I just figured everyone here would understand what I’m going through better than my actual friends lol. But my mum is being really supportive so it’s going okay. 

I’m just struggling with the urge to self harm atm which I haven’t done for two weeks since my last suicide attempt (yep triggered by my ex) but I want my body to be nice in case I find any cute people to hook up with 😎