I've been struggling with a depressive episode since the beginning of the year. On Saturday, I had so much SI and I came VERY close to acting on it. I literally would have had my husband hadn't happen to call at that very moment. I am starting to feel very unsafe, and I have acted on SI in the past. 

I've been working closely with my psychiatrist and we've tried so much when it's some to meds, and nothing seems to be stabilizing me. In fact, I've been going even more downhill recently according to my mood tracking. I also see a therapist weekly. 

I know that there is more I can do for my mental health that is non-med related, like eat healthier, go to therapy groups, and get more movement in, but I feel like I use all my energy everyday just getting myself to put in the bare minimum at work. And putting in the bare minimum makes me feel awful about myself and guilty. 

I have a marketing 9-5 job that is mostly remote. It's probably the best/most low key gig I've had but it still makes me miserable. I've worked in marketing my whole career so far and I think I am decent at it, but I hate it. After I tried to OD in December of 2020, I was fired from one job and then I spent some time unemployed. While it was financially rough, when I was unemployed I was the happiest/most stable I've felt in my adult life (after a few months of adjustment). Ever since I started working again my mood has just gotten lower and lower and the SI louder and louder. I don't think it's a coincidence. 

How do you decide to quit your job for the sake of your mental health? I am afraid if I do I will never have a career again. And what if leaving the job doesn't help my mental health? What if I only hate my job because of the depression and I will regret leaving it when it lifts? I plan on driving for DoorDash if I quit, but I am definitely afraid how this will effect my husband and I's finances. Is it worth it anyway?