Link to original post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/5c5qne/boyfriend_going_on_holiday_without_me_for_5/)

So basically my boyfriend went for a 5 week Asia trip with his friends last year from November to December. I was a wreck leading up to him leaving. Constantly telling myself that he would cheat on me, he'd find someone better, he'd become so accustomed to being without me that he wouldn't want/need me anymore, that he wouldn't even bother to message me...stuff that I'm sure any of you would have thought if you were in the same situation. 

I don't think I could have been more wrong about everything that my mind was paranoid about. BOY DID HE MISS ME! He was gone for 35 days, and there was only one day where he did not message me, and that was because he had no reception. I never told him that he needed to constantly keep me updated, just a message here or there so I knew that he was alive. I honestly only expected to hear from him every second day or something. Whenever he had wifi he would be messaging me, telling me how much he missed me and wished that I was there. The one day where he did not have wifi was because he went on a trek, and he was really upset that he wasn't able to message me in the morning before he left to say a 'big goodbye' to me, even though we would only be out of contact for less than 24 hours. 

He did drink and party a lot, which was what I was most scared about. But whenever he got drunk I would wake up to about 10 drunk messages from him telling me how much he misses me. Really freaking cute messages like 'being able to talk to you everyday is the only thing that is keeping me going' and 'you are the love of my life and the one I want to spend the rest of my life with' (we'd been together for less than a year at this stage haha). So I ended up really liking it when he got drunk because I knew I could expect to wake up with lots of cute messages haha. His friends later informed me that he would stop dancing in the club and go and sit down every 10 minutes to message me. And that the reason he would so drunk sometimes was because he needed to forget about how much he missed me for a few hours. And that I came up in conversation at least 6 times a day. And that they constantly paid him out for how lovesick he was. At one point he told me that he was homesick, not because he missed his bed or hot showers, but because of how much he needed me to be by his side. To be honest, I think he actually missed me more than I missed him! HOW CRAZY IS THAT?!?!

For those that are wondering how I coped, I'm not going to lie - it was not easy. For the first three weeks I decided to take my first solo trip overseas to Fiji. I had the time of my life, and it gave me so much confidence. And then when I got back home I took up heaps of extra shifts at work, started taking personal training sessions and going to the gym regularly, started playing soccer again. It's really freaking hard to want to do things when you're down because you miss someone...but you'll be surprised how much you actually stop thinking about them when you've got other things to do. 

I had a lot of comments on my original post saying things like 'why is he going for so long?', 'he shouldn't be going for so long when he knows about your BPD', 'I wouldn't be okay with this'. While I knew I was going to struggle, it never once crossed my mind that I had to tell him he couldn't go because I needed him more. This was his dream, and I knew that he would always resent me for it if I somehow stopped him from going. This has been a really long post I apologise. BUT moral of the story is, have a little faith in your SO. Just because our mind catastrophises everything does NOT mean that any of that is going to happen. Have faith that it's not just a one-sided relationship where you couldn't live without your SO, because I can guarantee that he/she wouldn't be able to live without you too. 

Also, thanks to [u/kivvi](https://www.reddit.com/user/kivvi) for giving me some solid advice and for encouraging me to post an update. You're a legend :) 