All I want to do right now is OD. Not to die just to like go to a hospital. And not even like be hospitalized necessarily just like a trip to the ER. I don't know why I just feel like I need to do it. But I can't. I mean I CAN I have the stuff but I have a job and I'm still under my mother's insurance and I don't want her to question shit. I'm having SI that's just louder and louder and maybe a quick little od will put it in its place. There is no one I can talk to about this. 

If you're gonna make a rude comment or say "just do xyz" or I'm being dramatic or whatever please dont. I know posting in this sub is a huge risk because many people here arent friendly but I know lots of you are. I just need help tonight.