I first discovered my mental illness when i was heavily anti drug. Manic episode followed by severe depression. I was looking everywhere for help and found some herb recreational drugs that some said had benefit. I tried it and it helped. It allowed me to live a very long manic episode although as i am ill, i returned to the depressive episode. Usually when i stop taking said drug as was the case before i even tried it. I go a long time without the drug and remain inn the original ill state as i was before taking the drug. My doctors are trying to use my drug usage as a clutch to not diagnose me. They claim the drugs are why im ill. Even though myself i know i was and am ill without the drugs at all. They are trying to cease all support for me as they think im doing ok because i show up to meetings high onn caffeine which is the only thing lifting my mood. Otherwise im spending all day inn bed until i find something to lift me up/ manic state which eventually brings me to the crash again. Im trying to get support and a diagnoses. Its only been a year since i have engaged with them after a hospitilization. I feel like my illness is being invalided due to self medication with previous drugs. I cant even do normal things like christmas or birthdays. If im medicated on said drugs im functioning. Where im from they are still heavily anti drug. The pills they want me to have dont work very well. The natural drugs ive found have helped me much more. Its just illegal  and i cant afford to pay black market dealers. I dealt with one psyc doctor who seemed to be more open minded about the drug usage. They just told me not to take too much unlike my recent support docs who just tell me its bad and not to take it at all. Its difficult as they dont see me other than the 15 minute meeting where im stimulated with caffeine. Im lost. Im manic now but when im not you will not see me for christmas or your birthday. I just want the support i need not the invalidation from self medication. Im high on caffeine now but when it wears off I will stay inn bed and not wake up for a long time. I need a diagnoses for a gov benefit im trying to get which would actually have a positive effect towards my life which would help alot. Being told i cant get a diagnoses because of my drug usage is sad. I was very sick when i was heavily anti drug. They dont listen. Find a better doc? Thanks