Hi everyone. It's my first time posting in this subreddit. I (34F) have always had really bad anxiety from the time I was very young, particularly in situations where I feel "trapped", such as school and now work. Once I feel comfortable at a place I can function pretty much fine, but because the adjustment period is so hard for me and takes forever, it's difficult for me to end up at a job where I can even reach that point. I have a history of finding a job and then quitting within a few days of starting, which is terrible.

My last job I was at for about 5 years, but last month I ended up leaving very abruptly and unexpectedly. I also moved back in with my mom in December which has me feeling like a failure. I got a new job right away in the same field I was in before (childcare) and started last week. I wasn't very nervous about starting on the first day, but adjusting to a new school was way more uncomfortable than I thought it would be. Every day that first week was harder than the day before it, not easier. It got to the point where I was just crying on my breaks and after work, and finally on Friday I was holding back tears during my entire shift. This entire weekend has been a total nightmare. I've basically been having on and off panic attacks since Friday, dreading the thought of going back in. I've barely been able to eat. I threw up this morning and called out sick.

I've made the decision that I need to meet with my boss and talk to her about going part time temporarily due to my stress and anxiety. I know that if I don't do this, I will end up quitting. All of my managers are very nice and I believe they will let me reduce my hours, but I feel like a total piece of shit. I've only worked there for one week and I'm essentially going to have to tell them that I can't do the full-time job they hired me to do. 

I know that this isn't forever and that once I find my footing it will start getting better, but god this sucks so bad. When I'm comfortable somewhere I do just fine, to the point where these past few years at my old job I was really thinking to myself "wow, I fixed myself and I'm fine!" but the joke was totally on me because I didn't fix anything and now I'm back at square one. Starting therapy later this week, I really hope it helps. I'm so fucking scared that I'm going to have to do a slow ease in to every job I ever have for the rest of my life in order to function.

Any kind words or commiseration would be really helpful. Thanks.