I was diagnosed bipolar in my early teens, but after a recent suicide attempt I have been rediagnosed with BPD .  All 9 symptoms are present, and have been present almost my entire life. My extreme case is due to shitty parenting and early childhood abuse. As well as letting my brain rot from now years of drug, and alchohol abuse. As well as my body , from hyper sexual activity, the drugs, alcohol, not having the will power to work out more that a few times a month. I repeat these fucked up patterns in my relationships. I. Destroy. Everything. Like literally, in my fits of rage. I destroy everything. I hurt other people. I push, punch, slap, bite, even stab people I love. Then afterwards I feel like a damn animal, I end up hating myself even more, and begging for forgiveness.  People do not deserve to put up with this shit. At all. I am not fully invested in taking my medication, and following my out patient appointments. Because I want nothing more than to be better, because for the past 23 years , I've been the fucking worse. I feel sorry for my boyfriend , who loves me so, but is wearing thin because he doesn't understand my kind of crazy. I obsess over this community because it's reliving to know that there are others out there who struggle exactly like me. It also tears me apart because this is something I will battle for ever, and I'm already tired. Is there hope for me, for us ??