My partner and I faced many up’s and downs we were together for less than a year but there were a couple breakups along the way and it’s now over for good. My psychologist mentioned that he sounds like he as BPD. 

But while I was with my partner I would get really upset during arguments and say really awful things I didn’t mean out of frustration. I wasn’t an angry person out of no where but I’d get angry if we had disagreements or if I felt like he wasn’t hearing me. 

In the beginning he was this amazing attentive man but he would say I push him away by always trying to find reasons for why he should breakup with me. I’ve been working on my abandonment issues in therapy but he became really cold and distant from me towards the end that I wasn’t in an environment where I could prove to him I’m working on things.

He seemed like a completely different person by the end of the relationship. If I tried to talk to him about us he would always say he doesn’t want to talk about it and when I’d try to address our issues he would say I’m manipulative, combative and controlling. Where in those moments I didn’t feel like I was being those.

I’m in a place now where I’m really ruminating on if I could be the one with BPD and I just don’t realize it. And maybe I am all these things he says and I don’t have the mental ability to realize it?

I feel delusional and any help or advice would be amazing. Does it sound like I have BPD? I know it’s not enough details to diagnose. But I can’t help but think I have an illness I can’t see myself.