So I've (20F)  been with my boyfriend (19M) for almost a year now and things were never super easy.

He's really caring, he's nice to me and I understand that he loves me, but I feel so off all the time around him it makes me feel like crap. It's like I get annoyed at every small things that trigger me and I can't move on from them. I always find a new problem that is "big enough for us to break up" and then we don't break up cus I'm not sure it's the right decision.

Its like I don't know if I love him but at the same time I also don't know if I don't love him either. I'm stuck in a mindset that makes me incredibly upset and sad because I so wish I could just have a normal relationship where things aren't complicated and I don't lash out at the smallest thing. I tell myself that if I'm so upset about minor inconveniences I should breakup with him but I just can't and I don't know if that's because I love him or I'm too scared to be alone. Sometimes I smoke weed and its like all my issues goes away but I don't like to rely on drugs to feel better.

Everything is blurry all the time, I don't know anything about what I want and I don't know if I'm happy. When things are good in so glad he's in my life but it has happened so rarely recently. My mental health is at a breaking point and I need advice.