I've spoken to many people about this. I've spoken to friends, my counselor, one of my professors, people on hotlines, strangers, lots and lots of people but I still have no idea what's the right and logical thing I can do in this situation. 

 I'm a 19 year old college student, I'll officially be a sophomore next month. I am very nervous about this semester because this summer break has been difficult for me (as you can see in one other post I made), I've dealt with plenty of mental health issues from being at home (being suicidal most of the time, attempts, mental breakdowns, etc.). Before my first semester ended, I contemplated moving out many times. I've spoken about it to so many people, but realistically, I don't think it will ever happen. I live in a very sheltered home, I'm not allowed to work until after college, I can't really get my driver's license atm, and I can't go anywhere by myself, causally hang out with friends, or do anything that'll benefit my mental health (such as going to a therapist). Usually I stay on my campus for a few hours to take some notes/do some homework, then I go home. I know it's probably a better idea to stay at home to avoid paying a shit ton of money living in a dorm/paying for classes myself, but still it is taking a huge toll on my mental health and it seems as if I'm getting worse overtime. I am preparing a letter to my parents to address certain things, but I'm not sure if it's going to do anything. I do appreciate that my parents are helping me pay for college, it's something I'm absolutely grateful for, so I feel terrible and ungrateful that I want to leave so badly and become independent. They're literally paying for everything that way I can focus on my studies and nothing else...but still, I don't know how long I can go on living in their house without wanting to kill myself on a daily basis. My brother is in the same situation as I am, he just graduated college. My father will make him get a job sometime next month, which is good. He was suppose to take a driver's class in June but that didn't happen. Nowadays he's spending most of his time on discord, neither of us really go out unless if we're all going somewhere as a family or just to the grocery store. We can't go anywhere without worrying our father despite him having our phones tracked...but anyway, there's other issues within my family that led to me questioning my safety at home, which is why I still contemplate moving into a dorm sometimes. I still don't think I could actually do it, I know what I can do (like apply for more scholarships, grants, take out loans, etc), but I feel as if I'm just setting myself up for failure. I can think of so many things that could happen if I tell my parents I'm moving out or I suddenly leave without them knowing beforehand, it could just be me overthinking it but again many horrible things could happen. It seems easier to just live at home for another 3-5 years even if I'll probably get worse and worse as time goes by, I don't know. 

I am losing hope, and nowadays I think it's better that I commit suicide. I feel like I am doing nothing but wasting my time.