I'm 30yo. Not sure where the time went. Suffered with general anxiety and social anxiety for most of my life. No girlfriend, no wife, no kids, no friends just me. Work at a dead end job but I make a living barely. 

I've gotten to the point of just being so tired. The pounding heart rate before work every fucking day for years. The headaches. Complete stress intolerance. Idk what the fuck is wrong with me. The alcohol abuse that nearly fucking killed me. Luckily been sober for 2 years now. I look back on my life and see nothing good. I just know I wanna fucking die. 

You couldn't tell anything is wrong. I'm 6ft 4in. Muscular  build. Full beard. Decent looking guy. but it doesn't matter. I'm fucked up from trauma that I don't know how to process and I'm just lost in life. All while having a dumb fucking smile on my face so people don't think I'm a weirdo. Idk anymore.

 I hope y'all have a nice day.