I'm 15 yr old boy from Slovakia and I'm studying on secondary medical school. 1st year.

Main reason of writing this is because I have a big suspicion that I have a depression and I currently feel like a shit. I have ADD and a mild asperger sindrome so I vistit a psychiatrist like once a year. I will tell her about this on the next session.

On the start of this school year I was pretty much OK. I made some friends, which is a mirracle for me because I don't like to socialize much. At least I though I made friends. The girls soon started to avoid me, but I was ok with that because I felt like "they just need their privacy, I'm not gonna bother them." Soon I started to have a crush on one of my classmates. I managed to sit next to her and we started talking. We had a simillar hobbies and we were going to school together. After a week, when she was getting of a train, I hugged her. Then, in the evening I recieved a message where she was asking if I like her or I made a bet with someone to hug her. I said I like her and I though that all was good. She started to avoid me, it lasted like a month until I texted her why was she doing this. Than we clarified things, she said that she wants to be only a friend. We were still travelling to school together after that, but we were more quiet and restrained.
In this same period, something much worse happened. My roommate from dorms told us that he has some problems in familly and that he has to go to his grandparents this holliday. The next day I was talking to my classmates I mentioned it, I don't remember why. I wasn't making fun of him, I felt sorry for him. After I returned to dorms I was confronted by my angry roommates. Thay told me that the whole school knows that he has the family problems and that I'm making fun of him. I called my classmates, the girls that I knew from the beggining and were avoiding me at the time, and tried to explain the situation. They knew my roommate and they were also angry at me. I lost my mind, I said some fucked up shit to the mobile and hung up. I was desperate because I didn't know what exactly happened. I ran like a 15 fucking kilometers, I didn't know where. I wanted to kill myself by jumping on the train tracks. I texted everyone from my class that all the things I said about him was false and tried to apologize to the roommate and the girls. He forgave me but the girls didn't. I somehow went back to dorms and the next day I tried to talk to them but they ignored me. They only said that they don't want to see me ever again. I met one of them when I was returning home, the one I knew for the longest time (we went to primary school together) and she told me that she forgave me too. For the next 2 month I wasn't able to look into anyones eyes and I only talked to like 3 people. My crush and my other roommate (not the one I betrayed), sometimes to that girl that I know the longest time, but I couldn't talk to her because her roommates hated me. But my situation was getting better. Until I did other fuck up. I lended my phone to my other roommate (there are 5 people in one room so it's a different person than the other 2 guys I mentioned) because he wanted to send one voice message to my class groupchat for fun. But it went downhill. He sended a lot more than one message and he offended a lot of people. I tried to save the situation by saying that I didn't know what happened, that he stole my mobile but it didn't work. There was a total shitstorm in the school because of that. I was a class president at the time and they wanted to kick me out of that position, so went to my teacher and told her that I no longer want to be a there and resigned. She asked why so I told her that my class hate me. On the next lesson she started to ask my classmates what happened. It leaded to me almost having a mental breakdown and to me saying that I want to leave this school. After that some people went like "why would you leave" or something simillar. This really helped me to overcome this thing and made me happier. Before, I thought that everyone hated me and there is no place for me. 
After, I felt more comfortable and I managed to withstand the situation up until Christmas holidays. I was still depressed and it got worse during the holidays, but after them I started to talk again with my crush (I still like her and can't get over it) trough a game and it got better. We were playing together often and I was happy again after a long time. We were texting and talking together almost every day for about a month but I saw that she is starting to lose interest and now she texts me back only like a once a day. We both had covid last week and she still not quite ok (at least what I know from her texts) so I thought it was because of that. But she sends snaps and texts to other people I know normally. She is now my only friend and im worried that I might lose that friendship. My depression got worse. I feel like a shit every day. I told her about that but not that it's because of her. She tried to help me, she said that I should read some books and stuff that I currently can't do because I have no energy. She didn't text back since yesterday. I asked her why and if she still wants to be a friend because the only time when we talk is when I ask her something or I start the conversation somehow. Now I'm waiting for her to respond. I don't want a friendship where I'm just the one that is bothering the other person with my crap. I don't want to be a dead weight for her but I want someone to talk to.

These are my biggest problems nowdays. My next problem is an antivaxx dad who is currently ill so everyday now I have to listen to his conspiracy theories, racistic crap and shit like that because he is constantly on a call with someone. I sometimes wish I could be at the dorms but then I remember that my 2 roommates are fucking idiots (one is the guy I "betrayed" and other is that guy I lended my mobile to) and I'm losing my IQ by living with them. The other 2 roommates have the same problem. One of them started to lose it too. He probably too has some sort of a depression because he sometimes randomly starts to cry and he told me he wanted to kill himself too. Almost every night we are talking about our problems. We call it a "deeptalk". He's a good guy, he has a lot of friends and almost every girl likes him, yet he is often sad. But he wants to leave the dorms and move to another room or somewhere away from these idiots. He will probably leave me with them. 

So, that's all. I dont care if anybody will read this, I just wanted to get this of me. Everyday I feel like piece of shit and Iwant to kill myself so I hope this will help me at least a little.