I don’t know where else to go to right now. I need support/advice.

So I made an idiotic decision to stop taking my antidepressants about a month ago. I was taking 3 different prescriptions. I don’t think they’re poison, I was just getting really unhappy with taking the meds.

Bupropion made me manic. Maybe more so than usual. I would get very angry, way too easily. If unchecked, I would start yelling at people because of my frustrations. I would start hitting things. I would even take it out on my cat and hit him. It wasn’t good. I was ashamed of it. I wanted this to stop.

Lamotrigine didn’t seem to do anything for me. Mirtazapine helped initially. But then as the months passed, it made me feel really lazy and lethargic. I would just sit around, watch YouTube videos, and eat for hours. I wasn’t happy with this either.

I should’ve called my psychiatrist and told her what’s up. But I was worried about getting some backlash from her. Keep this in mind.

So what I’ve been doing is just… dumb. Would highly NOT recommend this route. I didn’t stop cold turkey, but I’m sure I stopped taking them too fast. Only over the course of about 3 weeks.

I’m not entirely sure why I was so determined to stop taking my meds. Nonetheless I’ve felt like shit almost every day. Sick, horribly low appetite, headaches, tired, etc.

I never realized how bad my anxiety and paranoia was. But HOLY FUCKING SHIT. It’s unmanageable. I can’t live like this. It’s fucking awful. I’m living in fear every single day. I can’t relax. I’m always afraid of people watching me. I’m scared of my brother and my friends. It feels like they’re out to get me, and I’m their target. I’m so awkward around people. I’m on the verge of a panic attack more often than not. Heck, they could be just panic attacks at this point.

I have to figure out how to call my psychiatrist. ANY psychiatrist at this point. I’m so afraid to call someone. I need help. I seriously cannot do this. My life has been absolute Hell.

I seriously wish I would’ve just talked to my psychiatrist and told her how I feel. No matter how it went. Reddit is probably a place I shouldn’t be turning to, but I don’t know what to do. At least here I can type out what’s going on.