CW: drug mention, venting.

i've recently had to get clean from my drug of choice due to a shitty experience after months of almost daily use. maybe i've just fried my brain and destroyed my levels of serotonin, but i feel like a piece of me is missing.
somehow, during my period of drug abuse, i was happier. it genuinely made a difference in my mood and day to day functioning, even allowing me to be more open with my peers. and now i just feel hollow. 
nothing is enjoyable and i feel void of life. all i do anymore is work and sleep.
other drugs don't compare, but at least i'm not sober even if it's just weed.
i don't know how to enjoy my life anymore. i've been using it as a crutch for the better part of a year and now that i'm off it, i can't find anything worthwhile.
and it's not even like i can go back to using it like i was. that much has proven to be true. i've used it to the point where all i get out of it is shitty side effects and feeling like there's a hole in the left side of my head from numbness.
i just feel lost and empty and i wish i knew how to fill this void. 
i don't need to be told that there's a bigger issue of addressing why i was using it in the first place, i'm well aware. i just never imagined i'd find myself here. and even now i don't feel like i get to label myself as an addict. it's hard to come to terms with when my addiction differs from a stereotypical addiction.