Before that, I was all over the place. It's like I was a violent stream, but every now and again I'd freeze up.

The thing is, I'm acutely aware of how I got here. My only issue is that I have no idea on how to approach it? I'm usually able to work through things by writing about it, and I have been trying to for a while. Its just - where do I start? How far do I go? And, if I do go there, will I ever make it out? 

Maybe that's what's holding me back, but I know I can't stay here. I could. I can. But I don't think I should.