yes I am. I’ve broken my cousins arm and threatened her not to tell anyone about it, I watch gore videos with executions and laugh at them. I bully people online and in real life just so I can feel better about myself. I quite literally watched shootings and suicide videos last night and fucking laughed at it. Do you understand how fucked up I really am? I have violent thoughts on a daily basis, I have this empty endless hole inside of me and I try to fill it with drugs, porn, gore, shock, horror, and hatred and it’s never enough. I try everything to fill that hole inside of me up and it’s never enough. It gets me a quick high then it all comes back to be being deprived and needing more. I’ve spent over 300 dollars just on yubo to make friends that I barely ever talk to, I still got 3,000 more dollars to spend if I wanted to. I literally scam people, take peoples shit and sell it for a higher price, I’ve even sold drugs before. I don’t do all of this shit to make it to the top. I do it, out of pure enjoyment. I enjoy watching people slowly lose their life or slowly become homeless. It fuels me. And it doesn’t last long. It never does. So I do it constantly and I laugh at the kids I’ve made cry. I’ve made fun of the kids that are just like me. I steal from people doing worse than me. And all of this fucking trauma shit doesn’t help at all. It only makes the hole bigger. Every fucking day I keep on having full on fucking ptsd attacks thinking that I’m back inside the mental hospital in Germany or back in New York about to fucking die. I wish I got shot. I’m a piece of fucking shit. And my intrusive thoughts are the most fucked up things I can think of. If I hold a knife I have a urge to stab my arm and cut it off, if I even have a nail clipper i Can think of ways to hurt myself. I have had thoughts of literally fucking throwing babies into fire pits and laughing at their cries. I cant get better. Killing myself will bring peace to some people. I know it will. The people I’ve used. The people I’ve scammed. The people I’ve hurt. They deserve some revenge. And I’m doing it myself. If I keep on living it’s only going to get worse and I’ll get caught and end up in jail. I see myself as some though guy who runs the world but I know I’m not. I’ll never be shit.