I HATE my mental illnesses. Bipolar and BPD leave me constantly fucked up. 

I have an unstable idea of who I am as a person (yay BPD) and so I really struggle to even determine if I’m manic or depressed or it’s just who I am. 

For example - I’ll spend time just going to work, being productive, then going home and spending time with my SO. And I can’t wait to have kids and buy a house. Which is obviously what I want from life. 

But then, I go through a period where I NEVER want children, have the desire to become poly, do lots of hard drugs, etc. During that time, I think i was just depressed before and this is exactly who I am.