Caution 
Trigger warning: Domestic abuse and suicide 

Abuse is abuse. Whether it’s verbal or physical it’s still abuse and it changes you. You start to lose hope and believe the words they tell you. Then the feeling never goes away. This is a story about those who don’t feel like there is a way out. Of losing hope. Please note this is just a story. And if you’re in it know you aren’t alone and there is always another way. No matter how impossible it seems.

I’m sorry that I’m not enough


I’ll say it was a fall


I’m sorry I’ll try harder


Maybe you won’t punch the wall


You didn’t mean to hurt me


You just kinda lost control 


I won’t tell of the things you did


I swear it on my soul


Maybe tonight we’ll go to bed


And then you’ll kiss me good night


Or maybe you’ll get drunk again


It’s not me who starts the fight


I have a little secret


And I’ve got no one to tell


I couldn’t tell you honestly


I’ll put you through more hell


You don’t know I’ve started drinking


I’ll do it once you fall asleep


While nursing my own injuries


I soothe myself and weep


It’s the only thing that’s worked so far


It started with your rum


I ran out so I bought you more 


Then I hid away your gun


You threaten me so often


But I’m not actually scared


I know you’d never do it


Even though you always swear 


I’m sorry I’m not pretty 


And I use so much make up


It’s just without it I’m so plain


But inside I’m all fucked up


I’m sorry that I cry in pain


I don’t mean to make you feel bad


It doesn’t hurt for very long


All these bruises make me sad


They’re just a memory of a time


When I pissed you off so much 


I know you’ll soon forget it all


Then provide a loving touch


For a moment I’m all better 


When you kiss me, we embrace 


I feel safe in your arms for now


But I long to have the taste 


The drinks make me forget it all


I’ve never drank before 


I thought I would be better off 


Now I can’t stop, I just want more


Today hasn’t really gone that great 


The doc added some new med


To try to stop the constant crying 


And the fear that I so dread


They said I shouldn’t drink with it


Said it could stop my beating heart


But I’m afraid that I’ll forget


I just can’t stop me once I start


You slam the door as you walk in 


Now I await todays assault 


I hear you throw shit in the sink


Here we go, it’s not my fault


I’m scared to speak, wont say a word


In bed I sit to fold our clothes


You walk in and you start to yell


This is my life and no one knows


I let you get it all out 


I let you vent, then I’m to blame


I’m sorry for whatever I did


Please don’t cause me so much pain


You pull me off the bed


Scatter the clothes, then pull my hair


I fall onto the floor 


Then a quick kick, not enough air


You walk away and leave me


In a fetal position I cry


I’m done, I know what I must do


I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye 


I wait for you to go to bed


Then I grab my brand new bottle


Spilling pills into my palm 


Then grab a drink, and then I swallow


I open up the liquor cabinet


To the brand new unopened wine


I push it to side tonight 


Tequila will do just fine


I have a shot after my pills


I don’t feel anything yet


After a few shots I get sick


And can’t think straight then I forget


I’m sorry that you’ll find me dead


Tomorrow in the morning


I just had to numb all of the pain


As for you, please do not mourn me


You had me, you were my everything 


With time I lost you, you slipped away


Now it’s my turn, I am leaving you


I wish there was another way