God. I’m a shitty person and I know that. I grew up very upper-middle class, have always had people and my parents around me give me nothing but support and encouragement. My parents taught me I have immense class privilege which I do have despise being a queer person of color, and I’m very grateful for the life I’ve been given, but since the pandemic all I can think about is how much I want to disappear and be gone forever. Seeing friends, getting opportunities, being with family, none of it brings me joy anymore, and I just feel so fucking bad. 

So many people have given me so many opportunities the past year, and I’ve fucked all of them up. I don’t want to get out of bed anymore, I stopped doing my hw for my college classes, and I quit my jobs. I’m just so tired of everything, and I feel like such a spoiled brat for acting like this, but I just don’t want to be here. I’m so tired of it all like I have to do this for the rest of my life until I die. It feels so unbearable the more responsibility I have and the more I just let everyone down. I feel like I don’t deserve all of their grace and love because iMm a horrible person.