I think I'm depressed. I've had this shit since I was 15. Daily/weekly suicidal ideation/thoughts for almost 10 years. But, when good things happen to me I feel good, happy even. But, when I'm alone again, it stops. I feel terrible, alone, and empty.

Nothing seems to help. I exercised for 5 years near daily, achieved an objectively very attractive body, but I still feel like shit. When I am exercising I tend to feel okay, but when I stop the crushing weight of reality comes back and I feel terrible again. What is wrong with me?