I have BPD (21f)  and all my partners seem to love me exceptionally more than I love them. I know I tend to feel detached because I’m always ready to exit the relationship first because I am terrified of being abandoned. I just feel so hollow and incapable of love...my partner is never good enough and I’m always left wanting something else...I’m starting to get the feeling that nothing will ever satisfy me and this disgusting void will inevitably leave me by myself in the end...I don’t feel better of have an inflated sense of self (i have quite awful self esteem) but no one feels like the one, each love feels exactly the same, just different manifestations. I’ve been trying to practice gratitude in hopes to really acknowledge the person I’m with, but it’s always the same pattern of someone incredibly in love with me and I superficially reciprocate until I’m triggered to the point where I leave without a trace