For about 3 months I have been struggling with my BPD at an extreme level. I currently have a boyfriend who is very good at reading me, he knows how to help and he can see when something is wrong. However, lately I feel that my emotions have been grinding him down, and I think he's getting too tired to keep dealing with me. I'm constantly struggling with suicidal thoughts and constant negative reminders of what a horrible person I am. I don't think I am made to be loved. this has happened twice before. I ruin everything I touch and I'm scared I'll ruin this. I cant lose this, he's the only thing that's holding me down. no therapy just yet, any tips on how to deal with these intense thoughts and feelings?