I made a post recently about being abandoned and since it happened I am absolutely falling apart.  I self harm every othe day,  I am constantly having an anxiety attack so I've been abusing my anxiety medication, I have nightmares anytime I sleep, I either need to binge eat and purge or I can't eat because my stomach is in constant knots I am so paranoid of everyone and I cry every few minutes it feels like.  I can't wash my face or clean up after myself, all I do is play video games and read to stay away from reality.  On the 10th I'm talking to my therapist and seeing if I need to go back to the hospital but I feel like there's no point because ive already been 4 times. I am so desperate and obsessed with wanting a relationship I feel like if someone loves me it'll all go away because its happened just like that before but,  How do I learn to love myself and be okay with myself?  Where do I even start?  My desire for a romantic partner is so overwhelming I'm tempted to go back to people who abused me just for the affection and sex so I can pretend its love