So this is a bunch of ranting that you don’t have to read if you don’t want too, I just don’t have many outlets for these thoughts.

This might be super specific and I’m newer to this community so I’m not quite sure if this holds true to others but:
Do any of you ever have these moments where you’re super happy, but your fully aware of it. You can tell your happy, in fact it feels like heaven. You catch yourself enjoying happiness for those few and far between moments. When that happens all I can think about is “Why can’t I stay here, in this moment.. forever, happy and safe.” But I can’t, in fact by that time the happiness is probably fleeting. In moments something will change, somebody will say something. Just anything and you’ll crash back down to the scarily warm, deep, dark fear and dread that you live in daily. Each day, everyday. This. Avoiding hanging with friends in fear of losing time with your FP, Deep diving into a single word your FP said. Living life by the whim of your brain, a brain that despises you. We must have done something to deserve all of this, surly.