My eating disorder is turning me inside out. Ive been on and off resticting for four days with a binge breaking my second day.

Im just trying to get to 180lbs before april ends and i forgot how terrible my eating disorder is.
I havent relapsed since November.

I am so hungry. I made dinner and everything. I have plenty of food i could go eat right now. Delisious food.

But i like a little knawing at the back of my head keeps telling me that im not allowed to eat.

Today is the second day without breaking my fast and i feel like shit.
Nobody in my family knows that im doing this.

I dont have any friends.

Im counting my days in hunger and waiting until the hunger finally stops. This feeling sucks.

If you feel like you might be developing am eating disorder please stop and realize that ehatever your going for, if it cant bedone without harming yourself, it shouldnt be done. Please talk to a therapist. Even if your doctor wont help you, you need to find mental help.

Your disorder is mental.
Please get help...thats what would have told me from the past.