So this is a sort of game or exercise that I have found is so helpful when having critical thoughts. There is only one rule:

Use my gifts of empathy and narrative creation to draw the most compassionate backstory possible. 

This way I have one simple rule for passing judgement that allows for the kind of understanding and love of others that I want for myself.

Ex. 

*Someone cuts me off in traffic.*

**What could be the most benevolent while still realistic interpretation for their behavior?**

• having a bad day, I’ve had those and hope others will similarly give me the benefit of the doubt 

• their son is in the ER and they’re  frantically trying to get to the hospital. 

• they were distracted by a sudden thought they should cook dinner for their neighbor who was recently diagnosed with cancer. Maybe they’re even trying to convince themselves *not* to, they’re  too shy or awkward, or the neighbors might not like it, or they’re tired and would rather relax and binge Netflix. They resolved to do it, and suddenly changed course for the grocery store instead of going straight home. I was simply in their blindspot while they were having this internal struggle, they may have even cursed themselves and felt terrible for being careless and cutting me off in the very act of trying to good for others.

This can go on and on, it’s only limited by my own creativity.

After that exercise, it almost always turns my anger into an overwhelmingly sincere love and concern for them. Suddenly I’m *rooting* for them. It’s almost ridiculous how well this exercise can work. In over a decade, I have yet to find a scenario that was “unwinnable.” I simply assume I need to invoke more effort, love, and ingenuity to create a more convincing and compassionate backstory.

The beauty of this, is that when I have hurtful thoughts about *myself*, I’ve already conditioned myself to find the most compassionate explanation for my actions. I am then filled with that same love and understanding for myself.

This also works to reduce splitting—it makes the pervasive negative narrative of my SO or roommate so much less convincing. 

In this way, anger and hate are a choice; compassion and love are only limited by my desire and creativity. 

Ultimately as someone possessing the gifts of understanding and empathy, I have a very real sense of responsibility to use them in this way, to serve and love others in a way they didn’t even realize they were looking for themselves.

I truly believe that this same love and understanding will only be returned to me in even greater magnitudes.

Now you know the rules of The Empathy Game—I am likewise rooting for you all.