Me and my boyfriend live a couple hours away from each other, and lately my mental health has been absolutely terrible. I’m just starting to seek treatment (I don’t even have a therapist yet I’m basically at the beginning of the beginning) and I’m really dependent on him for a lot of my social interactions and general happiness.
Last night I was smoking weed because I felt anxious but it only made things worse and at about midnight I made a troubling remark and it made him drive over to my place in the middle of the night. He has been with me through really tough moments and developments in my life and I really love him more than anything.
That was all to explain why I want time apart from him- here’s some bullet points.

- I feel like I’m going too dependent on him at times.

- Whenever I’m in a relationship I always feel like that person is part of my identity. It’s hard for me to separate them from myself in my own mind which one can imagine makes self improvement a little difficult.

- My sense of love is severely fucked up. I’m a sexual assault survivor and have PTSD. This has always been an internal problem and I feel like I need just some time alone to clarify things in my mind.

- My mental health aside, I think I’ve been taking him for granted lately and I think some time apart will make me realize again really how much I love him (because I do).

- CON: I’m terrified of him getting the wrong idea. He’s said that he’ll be with me throughout the whole mental health journey but I find that daunting almost, I don’t know why.

I probably won’t do it until I start getting into treatment, and I’ll consult a therapist about if I should and why I feel this way (this is more of a vent post, but advice is also really appreciated). Has anyone here ever taken time away from their significant other to better their own health with the intention of getting back together? Any advice?