it's a beautiful place, it just open water and it's high up. I feel like that's where I get my perspective nature and height. 

but I'm sitting here thinking back on how ill I have been this year and how that has affected everyone around me. how I've reacted to situations and events this year, I feel so so ashamed and embarrassed.  

I'm thinking about who I want to be as a person and human being and what I want from life and it's all hitting me hard and crushing me. 

I want to get out of my head but I don't know how. I wanna stop feeling so low.