i dissociate when i’m manic so i don’t realize when i do slip into an episode. sitting in my room of organized filth. i think i’ve been in it for 2 weeks or so, but my episodes aren’t like let’s clean everything and reorganize like others.

instead i don’t clean, i don’t sleep, i steal things, i notice i lie more. i get paranoid, i start to see and hear things. i get compulsive. i spend 100s of dollars on things i don’t need online. i relapse on sh. stared smoking weed after quitting to get a job that i never interviewed for. 

i wanna be a normal teenager and not have to worry about my manic self doing destructive shit or my depressive self trying to harm myself. instead i got loads of trauma in every department :|