For a couple of weeks I haven't been feeling great. Lack of motivation, fear of the future and lack of any real emotion have really been bothering me. Some people around me have been saying that I've been seeming more irritable lately and that I should just 'lighten up' but I can't tell them what I've really been feeling. To most people, I seem fine with good academic performance and two friends who I really enjoy spending time with but I still don't feel good. I do have a job but I haven't been able to get any work for nearly two months now, which I'm finding very frustrating. This is probably a major reason for why I don't feel great. I have taken steps to look for other jobs but that also doesn't work, as I find it quite difficult and extremely stressful for fear of getting rejected and being stuck in my current job that I hate.

I do know what being depressed feels like, as for the majority of 2021 I was in a deep state of depression, with me even contemplating suicide at times, but now I don't feel depressed but I know I don't feel good. It's really confusing as on one day I feel absolutely amazing and the happiest I've felt in months then the next day I feel terrible. I hate how I'm feeling and want it to pass/want to know what I'm feeling, but I think that'll only happen when I find some serious motivation or regain some control in my life, both of which I view as extremely unlikely.