I'm 22 and I worry too much. I worry when my parents will pass. If I haven't heard from them within 4 hours I'll get thoughts that they've gotten into a car accident. I worry about my sister and whether she's safe. If I'm not worried about any of that, I'm constantly thinking about my college grades and how I did slightly bad on a quiz two weeks ago (my total average is 90%). If I'm not worried about that, I'm worried about my future and how I think I'll be alone and die alone. If I do meet someone, I'm immediately worried they'll be unfaithful and hurt me. If I'm not worried about that, I'm worried that I'm a bad person and think about situations where I was abrasive (even if I was in the right) and would apologize to that person (even if they don't deserve an apology). And if I'm miraculously not worried about any of the mentioned issues, I'm worried about the unforeseeable (do I have cancer? Do I have some kind of disease? Will I die in a car accident today?). It's gotten so bad I think some of my hair has been turning grey.

I really hate living like this and would like some solace. I know the roots of my anxiety and try to tackle them - my dad is a huge worry freak, I've been cheated on, I've failed a previous college program, both my parents, sister, and I have been in car accidents, my grandmother and grandfather have/had cancer, etc. My brain keeps sorting through these issues logically and convinces me that they are very close again. I feel like I'm on the brink of losing myself. I used to use weed and alcohol to combat the anxiety (I know that's bad) but have been clean for years.