i'm a non-binary transmasc person. i'm starting t friday and i'm super excited but also super nervous and i gotta attribute that a lot in part to my bpd. i have a super bad problem with b/w thinking when it comes to my bpd and that includes thinking about things in specific binaries. only good and only bad, only nice or only mean, only happy or only angry. or in this case only male or only female.

it took me a long time to be comfortable in being enby and even after that there was a point in time i tried to force myself into the binary of trans man instead of nonbinary.

the nerves come mainly from like, this sense that i'll be regretting everything. that i'm not real that i'm not valid and that i'm just convincing myself i feel this for like attention or manipulation or something. a lot of those feelings also overlap with my bpd. i know i won't but it's hard to trust myself about my own truth at times. but the thing that gets me back into reality is the dysphoria and it's the way calling myself a man feels like a lie but woman feels wrong as well.

for both myself and other enb-pd people out there you're not alone.