Yesterday I was doing a job(washing up) my mum asked me to do and she was upstairs with our new dog. She started shouting from upstairs and I didn't hear her at first but when I did I ran to the bottom of the stairs only to hear her screaming at me to take my earphone out (which I didn't) and to come the fuck upstairs and put the dog outside since he was pissing everywhere. She then proceeded to yell that I should have already started my fucking washing up I yelled back that I was doing it to which she yelled back that's a fucking first. I grabbed the dog and put him out side and just stood in front of the sink trying not to cry while the thoughts in my head called me a useless disgrace and that no-one would care if I died. I really can't stand yelling since I had a pretty hard childhood. While trying not to cry I grabbed a kitchen knife and considered cutting my wrists that way I would have an easy death if I was dead I wouldn't have to deal with the bad thoughts or my mum anymore. I know I shouldn't self harm or kill myself but sometimes I find it hard not to. I can't take it anymore lockdown has lowered my will power and i don't think I can survive going back to school in a week I need help I don't want to hurt anyone or myself. Any advice you could give would really help