I can’t keep living like this.  Life just isn’t worth living.  It’s ridiculous that everything is so incredibly bad all the time.  I can’t even have happy thoughts without thinking of things to crush them immediately and replace them with just pure despair.  How am I supposed to be happy?  I’ve lost so much from my life, my relationship, my dreams.  Other than my wife and daughter I have nothing that brings me joy.  My family hates me, my family-in-law is falling apart and talking about divorce, I don’t spend time with my friends, one of my good friends just recently jumped off a bridge to try to escape having to endure living and I think he had the right idea.  The only thing is that I’ll succeed.  If I’m going to kill myself it will work.  I know it’s selfish but I can’t keep going through this.  I know my wife and daughter will be fine without me.  And at least I’ll finally be at peace.  I’ll be able to stop hating myself, I’ll be able to stop tormenting myself.  I just can’t keep going.  It’s like I’m fighting a losing battle and I can’t keep fighting forever.  Nothing helps.  My wife tries her best and she does a great job but she’s not a therapist.  We can’t afford a therapist. My family doesn’t help because the only thing I can afford is medication, and that helps a little.  Not enough though.  But they hate that I take medication, they tell me that constantly and I can tell that they think poorly of me.  I want to say I don’t care but I do.  I just can’t live with this, thinking of just enduring this for the next however many years sounds like torture.  I don’t think this is something I can conquer, and it is totally kicking my ass.  I don’t know what to do.