Basically I’ve been living abroad for 6 months with my boyfriend and am going to have to come home at the end on January. When all of this quarantine started in March, my mental health was the worst it has ever been. From March to July I was living in absolute hell, constant debilitating anxiety every single day. I’m doing so much better now and feel I finally have control again, of course some bad weeks and days, but nothing like that period from March to July. Now my time abroad is coming to an end and I’m really panicking over being home again. I’ll be in an LDR again for a few months, which is a huge part of the anxiety, but I also suffer from intrusive thoughts which are extremely difficult to manage when my mental health is in a bad place. I’m so scared that I’ll go back to the state of constant anxiety again. Being woken up by panic attacks, unable to eat, making dumb mistakes at work because my mind is so occupied, not being able to sleep. I don’t want to live like that again. I have an amazing support system at home, a great family and great friends which is comforting, but my boyfriend is the person who knows me best and can calm me down when I spiral. Right now, home only reminds me of how I felt in that period of March to July. It feels suffocating, exhausting, it hardly feels like home. I just don’t know what to do, I’m so scared and sad. I’ve never felt so hopeless as I did when I was in my hometown, I don’t want to feel that way again. I just needed to rant and get my thoughts out there, I hope everyone is doing well.