My job, my home, my husband, everything. I don’t know if I’m being delusional, or if this is a real valid fear and that I need to make some big changes to prevent this from happening. 
I feel like my bosses have grown tired of me. That my difficulties with communication have worn them down and now they don’t want anything to do with me, so they just keep passing me off to the next person. I used to be highly valued and was working at the top with my two bosses, but now that is not the case. I no longer communicate directly with them. They have a middle man for me, and I think they are just trying to find things for me to do to keep me employed because they feel bad and also until they find a replacement for me. I can’t loose this job. I am seriously freaking out and I don’t know what to do. I’m also afraid to bring this up to them because what if it is just a delusion and I am reading into these little things WAY too much. Then I’ll look like a fool and make matters worse and totally embarrass myself even more than I already have. I’m a mess. 

And to top it off, I think my husband is embarrassed of me, maybe even afraid of me. We have a conjugal visit coming up and I brought up skipping my meds for the couple days and without hesitation he told me no because he doesn’t need me getting all weird on him. He doesn’t want people finding out. He told me to be more discreet in my letters to him (he’s incarcerated) and he doesn’t want me to tel anyone. He wasn’t thrilled that I told my mom and my only friend. It’s making me feel really down and thinking that he too is exhausted by me and that he wishes he could just be with someone normal. 
I am failing and I can’t seem to stop it. I think I am doing good and I am communicating well, but it always comes out wrong and I think I am being clear, but no one ever seems to understand me. I just want to shut up and do nothing because I just can’t do anything right and I am so terrified of screwing things up I would just rather not do them at all. 

All of this has been bottled up inside me and I just had to let it out.