feeling lonelier than ever. it sucks when you’re the one always starting the conversation, the one always asking to hang or to do this or that. i have an extreme feeling of being unwanted by everyone. now don’t get me wrong i understand work and preset plans , but i’m talking bigger picture. if i don’t text someone first for .. let’s say a week - i will not be hearing from that person period. should i just quit ? like do any of y’all even fucking like me ? i dead ass can’t remember the last time someone ASKED ME to hangout or do something. i’m tired of hearing ‘no’. i honestly give up and am just gonna sit here and just be by my fucking self. this may be a little dramatic but when you constantly time and time again get the short end of the stick it really fucking hurts. ESPECIALLY when you’re concerned about someone else’s well-being and you’re checking in on them and STILL get ignored??? like???? i started crying in front of my dad today when he told me he got me pool passes for me and my ‘friends’ at the JW because i already KNEW i wouldn’t have anyone to come with me. like. i want a best friend !!!!! a bestie. a down bitch. you know? like my person. someone who stays through good and bad and holds your hand through it all. wya because i’m right here boo. sorry for the long vent it’s late and it’s friday and i’m so fucking alone. like what is it??? what’s wrong with me!?? what am i doing that’s so horrible that no one sticks around ??? IM DOING THE BEST I CAN TO KEEP MY HEAD ABOVE WATER. why does everyone leave !????? And i’m not saying any of this for anyones pitty. I’m just letting it out. No one stays. Everyone leaves and moves onto someone better. I’m in so. much. fucking. pain. It’s eating me alive. It’s gotten so easy to pretend i’m okay- but we all know eventually the buildup gets to be too much and you break. Well im way past my breaking point. I don’t have any reassurance. I honestly straight the fuck up feel like people pretend to like me and be my friend because they just feel bad for me. I just need to accept the lonely and cope and deal with it better i don’t fucking know. I’m done ranting no one’s gonna fucking read this. Im just angry now. Bye.