It just hurts more today, so I blocked everything, so I won't get hurt further. I thought it's going to be a happy day, until it ruined reason by reason. Maybe it's just 2 things, but it feels like a lot more than that. Now I'm in BPD pity party, so that hurts too. Like this is me hurting myself even more for blaming myself. Am I the victim or playing victim? Second guessing myself and questioning my sanity, it's like my brain and body are gaslighting me.

So let's hurt myself even more.

Yes, you're playing victim and having a pity party. Boo hoo pity you.