Just a couple of thoughts and questions about psychosomatic stuff!

Like a month ago I wrote something right after I cut myself in the arm since a long long long time.  That post was really absent-minded and I honestly forgot a few days that I even wrote it.

Just wanted to tell someone that since that night it's like a rusty, spiky, big ball of barbed wire fell off my chest. I no longer wake up with stomachache and it really feels like something that was long overdue since month and month. 

It's still scary that I could literally 'feel' the hole in my chest where this bundle hate  had existed, does anyone else has such a strong physical feeling after something like this?

The next week I was totally apathetic, just an empty shell and 1-2 days super unproductive &amp; depressed, or otherwise talking with people but being mentally dead.

Just feeling deeply empty sucks so much.

I know it's not really the best cause and effect that's good for you, but hey I feel so much better now, like I'm having my peace for the next year or so with the selfharm (I mean when nobody dies or something like that, thanks covid!). Just like a weight that's simply not avoidable all the time, even when you want it so bad.

Does anyone else feel that it's a serious addiction or does stuff like this doesn't affect you?