I’ve been feeling really depressed lately. I wake up with this pit feeling in my stomach and just overwhelming sadness and it doesn’t go away. I just don’t like myself at the moment. I hate myself and I feel like nobody likes me or wants too talk too me but if someone does want too talk I immediately have a lot of anxiety. Scared that I’m pretending too be a good person or that the other person will do something that’s gonna hurt me. I’m also really mad at myself cause I feel like I don’t deserve too be happy or have fun with people. I feel like I don’t deserve too have friends but at the same time I do want too have contact with people. Just someone too talk too and who asks how I’m doing. Someone too share exiting and dumb stuff too about my day. Right now I don’t talk too anyone and I feel like I’m going insane. I don’t even feel like a real person and my thoughts and feelings feel so irrelevant because I don’t care about myself but feels like nobody else does either. That just enhances the feeling that I am in fact a horrible person that nobody cares about. I just wake up go through my day by watching tv shows and eating and go too sleep. I don’t talk too anyone I don’t even talk too my family anymore. They don’t ask how I’m doing anymore and if I do say something that has something too do with how I’m feeling the subject changes immediately. I just genuinely feel so unhappy at the moment. I don’t know if it because I feel lonely or that I just hate myself that much. I just wanna cry or scream but I can’t. Everything irritates me so much and even just answering one question can feel it will take too much energy. I just want someone too fucking notice how horrible I feel. Just someone who cares enough too asks how I’m doing.