I am tired of treatment and everything else...
I've been in treatment for most of my life and I've never gotten better. I haven't tried hard enough, but I don't have the energy to try harder. I'm really at a point where I think the best I can hope for is to stuff my feelings and steer clear of people and just wait for my parents to die so I can kill myself without guilt. That's what I've been doing for most of my life anyway. I know that this comes across as pathetic but, honestly at this point, I have no more mental energy. I'm done. I wish things could be better, but I think it's time for me to accept that they can't be.