So I’m on the verge of freaking out. I shouldn’t have done it but I knew something was off after he went away for the weekend so I went through his text messages. I’m in the wrong for that, but I found out he hung out with a girl until 5 am when he went out of town last weekend.

We were supposed to go together but I wasn’t feeling well so I stayed home. It’s frustrating for so many reasons. I’m high risk for covid, and we agreed to only see his one friend who has been working from home and quarantining like us. So even if he didn’t do anything with her he still potentially but me at risk.

Besides that I’ve been cheated on by so many guys. I thought I found the guy who was different. I’m really trying not to freak out. I haven’t talked to him about it yet. I told him we need to talk when we are both done with work for the day. I want to be in a stable headspace when I do but I don’t know if I can. I mean even the fact that he lied about seeing her shows a lot. 

He came home and didn’t want to cuddle anymore, and he stopped saying he loved me. He’s been super cold to me the last few days. I can also just tell there is some weird energy in the air. 

I really wanted to be wrong, but I don’t think I am. I can’t do this again. I finally opened my heart to someone after 2 years and he immediately is ripping it out. I’m just really hoping I’m wrong.