This is somewhat of a vent and somewhat of a need advice. I can't keep a job. The longest I've ever held any job in my life is 1.5 years. Most of my jobs end because I either quit to try and find something better or, with my last job, getting fired for attendance issues. I always end up in a vicious cycle of not getting enough sleep, feeling depressed/anxious in the morning, calling in to work because I can't summon the energy/motivation to get out of bed, and then proceed to feel like shit the whole rest of the day and then build up even more anxiety about going back the next day and possibly getting in trouble. Even though I know that is what is going to happen, I still end up calling in or not going to work and subjecting myself to the misery. I don't know what is wrong with me. For context, this is what happened today, the same cycle I always fall into, with a new job that's not in my field but it's something to pay the bills.  


I'm just afraid it's going to be like this the rest of my life, that I'll never be able to hold down a job. Part of me just wants to give up. I just want to lay in bed all day. I thought about trying to get disability but that's like impossible with mental health conditions and living on disability means being impoverished all the time basically. I just hate my life right now. I hate my brain. Why can't I be normal?