I have lived a life dealing with the bad and good. Lately tho.....it has just been bad. It's getting to the point where my anger is overriding everything I do. I have no one and as a married 32 year old male, you would think I would have someone, but I don't. You might think to say your wife but she is so involved in herself, she has become more of a roommate who doesn't do anything that doesnt directly and immediately benefit her. 

I feel like I'm drowning, desperately reaching out to anyone to grab my hand. As I look up through the water, I see them(wife, family, so called friends) standing there. They just look down at me, not moving to grab my hand to help. 

Maybe it's my fault this is happening. This mask I wear, so polished from the years of pain. The fake smile given to everyone around me to make them not worry. To lessen the burden in an already cruel world that seems to enjoy kicking people when they are down. 

I really dont know why I'm here anymore. 

Everyone keeps saying to push through it and it will get better. But where is the better? Where is the eye of the storm? Because we all know that what peace we do get after is only followed by more pain, more hurt, more loneliness.....