I know this sub is about BPD, and not APD. Nontheless this sub helped me find out about personality disorders and I still feel very related to some of the stories on here because i do qualify for 3 or 4 of the BPD symptoms, and overall qualify for all APD symptoms. 



It's been almost a year since I decided to finally look for help. I (22F) have been depressed for a few years, and struggled with day to day stuff more and more. I knew i had depression, but some things just didn't make sense. Some things that I couldn't deal with. I kept ignoring the issues in my mind, thinkig that i was just a pussy and i should just try harder, be social and not be lazy. That I made everything up in my head. But i kept pushing people away and fighting in my head. Around this time last year i just couldn't do it anymore, I didn't care if i was a pussy or not. I really needed help, wanted help because I was so tired of constantly fighting in my head. So i started a traject that took up a lot of time. I got send to different people and finally to the right place, where in the spring of this year I could finally start with sessions to determine if i had either, a form of autism, add/adhd or a personality disorder. 



In the meantime i had also looked up this sub and other information on personality disorders. To see of there was anything i recognised in myself, to see if i had anything other than just a heavy depression. I found out that even though it didnt fully add up, i felt related to some BPD symptoms. Even later I found out about APD and felt that this could really be me, but i also let it go after that because I'm not an expert and I let the psychologist do her thing. Then this past friday i had the meeting where she told me I have APD. I felt calm. 





I don't care if no one reads this, I just needed to share this. I finally found out that ever since I'm a teen, I have developed this thing and that It's not all in my head. I really do have a reason why I do things different than other people, why it seems I'm struggling so much more in life than maybe some others do. And that's why i felt calm for the first time in ages because now I know. Now i will try to change, even though it will be super fukking hard. 




I love this sub, and read stories on it often, even though I'm too scared to respond and I'm posting this on a throwaway... I hope you all had a great day and did something fun. Feel free to leave a comment or message.



Love, 
Tiny