I am officially diagnosed with BPD back in March.

I am learning about my disorder and I am pretty sure I am suffering from chronic emptiness and have been for almost 2 years but it has gotten worst last 3-4 months. I don’t know who I am anymore, where do I fit in this world, my goals, friends, relationship. I’m a wreck. While I’m dealing with this, my good friend is getting married. I am one of her bridesmaids but not Maid of Honour (MOH). She basically said I would be too busy, and won’t have time, I love too far etc. Which I agreed with her &amp; she said no one was going to be MOH anyways.

Last 8 months, we barely text because of me really but not like she hasn’t really reach out to me either. She always says “I just let you do your thing and you reach out to me whenever you do”. So I’m really not surprise I’m not the MOH, and I’m glad she chose her best friend to be the MOH. 

It’s only really been the last few weeks that I started to REALLY miss her though but I knew she was dealing with her wedding (which I offer many times to help out) and school. I also know the wedding is tmw and that she’ll be free the summer &amp; I will be too. 

 I know this is all me, but I don’t get why this bothers me so much. She and MOH has been hanging out and making plans for the wedding and parties. I feel so left out. Also, I have not seen the bride without MOH. It just sucks. The MOH does not live near us either so I’m trying to be so rational about it too but I just want to be involved with the wedding and be part of the whole celebrating it with her. 


But I also don’t know if this is me being so afraid of losing her or if this is normal, or our friendship is fading. She did say we would always be friends but I don’t know anymore. She is one of my childhood friend. 

It just sucks to hear about their plans together in front of them and not being invited.

I also know every friendship is different but why didn’t I get invited to any of the events? But MOH does.