Almost every day for months I've been oscillating between feeling extreme dread and hopelessness (often to the point of suicidal ideation) to feeling "normal" (which in my case is a sort of numbness). The switch can happen in as quick as an hour, or sometimes over the span of a day. Usually being socially reclusive makes me feel slightly more stable but I've been trying that again recently by staying in my room for more than a week and it hasn't been doing anything with respect to the mood swings, except possibly reduce the frequency of suicidal thoughts. I've been delaying going to a therapist for months/years because I minimize my problems when I'm in the "numb" phase, its like I can't even understand or remember why I felt the way I did a couple of hours ago and chalk it up to me overreacting. In the "dread" phase, however, I'm overwhelmed by emotion (crying uncontrollably for 1hr+), I crave some form of company (which I can't find given that I'm usually awake at 4am) and I "remember" what's wrong with me. It's like I'm switching between two states of mind. On particularly bad days I swing 5+ times. This is all really tiring and I have no idea what to do, does anyone else experience anything like this?