Dont get me wrong i get depressed and sort of am but that isnt where i want to go with this post. I'm logically looking at the things that could make me happy in life and who i am and i honestly believe there is very little chance I'll ever be happy and i wonder if anyone else can relate. 

Im a 22 year old man and I've never been in a romantic relationship and i feel like thats something that would make me happy. I look at the near future: is this something i can see happening? No lol. I struggle with crippling anxiety and this powerful fear of failure and rejection. Well more so the fear of the suicidal feelings I'll feel if i get rejected and i want to avoid that. But even so hypothetically lets say i get into relationship knowing my super sensitive impulsive at the some point it'd go to shit and I'd be left at square 1 so it gets back to same question: will i ever be happy?

I really want to succeed as a musician and honestly feel i have the talent to do so (not on violin though) however the chances are beyond slim for anyone so its very likely that i dont. Music really makes me happy and doing it for a living would really make me feel i have i great life but if i dont then what is the point of life? I dont know how just to be happy without having achieved anything. It makes no sense to me so theres another reason.

Idk if this is a bpd or just a personal problem but i want to understand and learn from you guys about myself and life. I love myself but truly hate my limitations and life. I dont wanna commit suicide because again i love myself however it seems like all roads will lead there. 

Lifes fucking complicated man