I've always glorified a happy suburban family life, where I can easily provide for my future kids, keep my future wife happy, and ensure that my children don't have to go through chronic invalidation the way I did, that they are raised to be good, lovable human beings who don't share the pain we all do. But now, as the reality of my diagnosis at age 21 sinks in deeper every minute, it really makes me further question my future self's ability to really pull this off. I've learned the hard way what all a parent shouldn't do and of course, I won't do it. But what if my emotional instability gets worse? What if I end up becoming so numb that I can't even be emotionally available for my family? What if I end up messing my kids up just like me? What if I end up doing worse? What if I feel way more crippled and helpless in the future than I already do, and can't even provide for them? All my life my true driving ambition has literally been to grow up and be an adult so that I have a better family one day than the one I grew up in. To be a better parent. To love my future kids the way I longed to be loved. To stop this chain of bad parenting from propagating through generations in my family. And now I cannot stop thinking about it. Because this goal is the only reason I made it this far. This goal is the only reason I'm alive. And now that feels jeopardized. My entire future seems bleak. All my hopes and ambitions seem to wither away. Long story short, I'm stuck in a vicious thought cycle I can't get out of and it's affecting every aspect of my life. I would like to collect some interesting thoughts and advice from you beautiful people that can give me a different perspective on this. My perspective is too clouded with emotions when it comes to family.