Sorry In advance. It’s a long one. 

My FP is a uni friend (we’ve graduated and both moved home now). We became closer friends in like January of this year but have known eachother since September. 
For context we live about 3 hours away from eachother and haven’t seen eachother in person since the end of May. 
At uni we spent from like mid February to end of may without more than 5 days apart. And most of the time we saw eachother every day as our final degree project we were in a group together. We become extremely close and she ended up being there for me so much - and it was great, we got kn so well, things did get more I guess romantically inclined in the last 3 weeks we were at uni but we were mature about it and realised it was likely a bad idea seeing as we’d be moving home far away from eachother and had only really spent that much time together bc we were both in bad places. We were constantly staying at eachothers places, sleeping in eachothers beds that sort of stuff. 
Anyway. The day she had to leave my house before I moved home from uni was the start of something being an issue. I guess it was the 1st time I realised my attachment to her wasn’t healthy. I was devastated begging her to stay even though I knew she couldn’t. But I moved home, and for the 1st like month and a bit it was ok. I’d missed her lots but we had a plan for her to visit this week and that kept me going
Last week she told me she probably wouldn’t be able to make it due to things outside of her control and it broke me, I lost it and feel like a n awful person. Today she confirmed she wouldn’t be able to come but not before she didn’t respond to me for 4 days due to her own depression so I don’t wanna blame her but it killed me. When she initially told me she couldn’t come we talked about what I need in people in my life and she felt awful she can’t provide that due to her own trauma. Most of the time she’s been so reassuring and calming but recently I’ve been realising we are very different in the way we communicate and act she can go days without checking her phone etc and I know she does none of it on  purpose and feels bad if these things hurt me. But I’m. Starting to think she’s not good for me but I also can’t bear to lose her because she does bring me such good times especially when we were in person things were fine then   I guess I wish we could be in person together again and idk what to do because that’s not possible given our circumstances