I've got $30 in my account until Friday and I'm considering buying weed to cope with my shit. I woke up feeling terrible, simple tasks (like washing dishes) become impossible for me to deal with, like a huge wave of frustration just swells inside and I just can't do shit about it. I end up just ruminating over people I think I hate, feel emotionally empty/bored, can't help but mull over the world's injustices, no motivation to do anything positive. Life in a mental well of loneliness, I guess. 

How do people self-motivate? I wish I had friends to help, but since I moved I have none. My fiance gets annoying with my emotional toil and obviously gets annoyed/overwhelmed by my shit. I don't *choose* to feel this way. I don't *want* to feel this way. When I'm feeling okay, I feel like an okay person, but it's rare and fleeting. Fuck.