The odd thing is, I can handle straight up rejection pretty well. On the contrary, I struggle when someone ghosts me. The visual of them reading my texts and thinking “She’s not worth replying to”, “I don’t care if she feels bad”, etc. angers me, because in all honesty, I’d never treat someone like that.

Then it becomes a weird, unhealthy power struggle - I feel I have to force an unavoidable confrontation, like calling on a private number. Or stalking them and contacting them on another medium. It becomes about control - some unhealthy thought to the effect of “You can’t control me - you can’t unilaterally block me out - I’m the one who controls you.” Obviously insane and unhealthy, and probably similar to the thought patterns that underlie physical and sexual abuse. 

Anyone relate? Any advice for getting through those moments? The other issue is I have OCD, so brain is very geared to ruminate on the ghosting and force my hand so I’ll stop thinking about it. That is, I’ll try to contact them, and instead of feeling sad about being rejected and scorned, I’ll feel anxiety that I’ve gone too far in trying to contact them, and the anxiety is somehow preferable.

Again, I can handle straight rejection. Tell me I suck and I’m fine. Ghost me and I’ll obsess and try desperately to be acknowledged. 