I have been looking for a job for 2 years and haven’t found one. I got one two weeks ago and went to their orientation but ended up quitting the job because I couldn’t handle the physical demands of the job. It was really hard for me to say no to them, and I cried a lot about it. I don’t know why, I had a perfectly good reason to  quit, but it still was so painful to say no to them. I’m not sure, but I guess it could be because I was so close to a job but now I’m back to square one? 

So I called my mom that night asking for support and I didn’t feel like she gave it to me, just like many times I’ve asked her for support in the past. My mother and I have kind of a complicated relationship in that she was never mean or anything to me, and she gave me everything I needed when I grew up and maybe more, but I just don’t feel like she cares about who I am, what I want to do, what I value, etc. and she never asks either. I got so tired and annoyed of explaining what I was crying about, and I started telling her that she doesn’t understand what’s wrong. She got annoyed too and was like “why do we reach this point every time we talk.” I was so mad that she even got annoyed in the first place that I hung up the phone and blocked her.

After three days I felt a little better and unblocked her. But after a day she still hasn’t reached out to me and it just confirmed to me that she doesn’t care about me, so I deleted her from my contacts list. Now I go in and out of regretting to do it, but I want her to know the severity of the situation and how bad I felt, so I don’t want to crawl back to her and make up with her, because we will just go back to the way it was. 

I was probably in the wrong for blocking her, but she won’t understand unless she knows that I’m really serious about this. It’s been almost a week and we haven’t spoken. I don’t know what to do or what to feel.