I’m miserable I have no friends or family that care about me anymore because my lifestyle isn’t for them as if I suddenly woke up one day deciding to make my life worse than it already is I cry most of the time and other times I am numb to it all but it doesn’t matter to anyone nobody cares and I swear to god if someone tells me just talk about or it’ll get better I’ll snap at them cause it doesn’t it doesn’t fucking get better it hasn’t gotten better in years everyday is a fight to wake up and convince myself not throw myself off the nearest building or not to crash my car  I don’t drive anymore and cant find the energy to get out of bed
I recently discovered that I can no longer hide it from myself i can deny it no longer unfortunately for me I am transgender so that’s probably why I hate myself so much or it’s a contributing factor at least so yeah I can already see my family members looking at me with more disgust than usual I remember the first time I came out as a boy to my sister and she screamed at me telling me I’m sick and that I’m wrong I have no idea what I’m talking about I brought it up again asking what would she do if I was transgender and she wouldn’t give an answer so there goes my will to live if I had one I just want to be in a body that’s mine I feel like an imposter this is hell I’m in hell 
Every time I bring up I might be transgender topic I’m met with “oh what a waste “ and “no your not you practically flaunt your chest” and the gays have tainted our daughter no absolutely not I was always this way everyone refused to see it even me and first of all no I don’t I wear the baggiest clothes known to man to avoid that why won’t anyone listen? If they won’t let me transition then you think they let me change my name right? Nope!! Like I said I’m in hell 
I’ll remain in a body that’s not mine forever :/