Most of my relationships have been long distance since as a teen I wasn't allowed to go out much or have a boyfriend. I've had bad experiences with texting during these relationships. I tend to get extremely stressed/ anxious when my bf takes a long time to reply or if I'm left on read. Sometimes I think that they died somehow or that they are spending time with someone else and if they've gone out to meet someone (especially a girl) I'd think they're having more fun without me. And then I start calling them, probably give like 20 miss calls. I don't stop calling until they pick up and the whole time I'm panicking and crying and I even start hitting myself and punching the walls. I just get so filled with anger as if I feel like WHY AM I NOT IMPORTANT TO YOU RN. I also spam them with text messages and paragraphs. When I'm in this state of mind I can't stop myself I literally can't control myself. I have said really mean things, I've told them I'm breaking up with them and then I've closed the app to give myself a piece of mind but immediately open it again to delete the message and continue typing. 

And their reaction to me being like this is what hurts me even more. First it really pisses me off and I'm so fueled with anger that I start to pick a fight at everything. Obviously this is exhausting to deal with and I usually get a response that seems unbothered with what I'm saying. I get this reaction 80% of the time when I'm like this and that just fuels my anger and frustration even more and I want to break things and hurt myself when I feel like this. It doesn't feel fair that I'm having this intense reaction and feeling so many things about my partner while they seem unbothered and want to get away from me. I hate it so much it's the worst feeling. I'm not diagnosed with bpd and although this happened in my teen years, it still happens today when I'm 21. I don't know why I get so upset with this and I just want to know if anyone here has similar experiences.