I disassociate hard a lot of times. Yesterday night was a bad episode. I usually feel disconnected from reality, and most importantly, myself when I zone out, but I really felt extremely uncomfortable last night. (Note: I have been "preliminary" diagnosed with EUPD by my psychiatrist, but they have both written in the journal, and said to me, that it very much most likely is DPD, and if not, I have another PD with a lot of BPD symptoms. I have meds treating me for it, put in a waiting list for DBT and psychological care specializied for BPD).

I am starting DBT in a little bit over a week, but I just wanted to see what others' coping skills are regarding disassociating. I'll list most of my symptoms down below how I feel when it happens.

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* Emotionally Unavailable. (I can't connect to my own emotions, I am not in control and I feel cold, empty, and/or very chaotically emotional in the sense of overwhelming emotions going from worse to bad).
* Time is irrelevant. (Time feels off, in a way that an hour can feel like a year, or a minute like a second. It prolongs the suffering most of the times, even if I just zone out for a few actual minutes).
* My thoughts get blurry. (I can't keep a consistent train of thought. It feels like a foggy veil over my mind, and especially my mind's eye. I can't properly grasp a thought.)
* Physical discomfort. (I feel almost weightless. I desperately want something to weigh me down. If I am in bed, with my cover and blankets, they feel too light, and I just want something really heavy to press down on me.)
* Frustration and sometimes angry frustration. (I want to squeeze something so hard, or just punch something, but I don't do it, but I have the constant craving of needing to physically express myself in anger or frustration.)
* A need to cut myself. (I haven't been practicing self-harm for long, perhaps two-three months, but I feel some kind of call, a pull, to harm myself, like an addict craving something. But the self harm is never enough. I need more hurt.)
* A crushing feeling of insanity. (I want to escape myself, I want to escape life, and I don't know what I should do in these moments. I want to just rip out my brain.)

There's other things I feel, but I usually suffer from disassociative amnesia after these episodes, whether they be fleeting or several hours, so I can't always recall how I felt or how I acted, or if it was even a real thing that occured, or if I just dreamed or imagined it.