I don't have many, if any, friends I would consider close, let alone friends which I feel like I can share deeper feelings with. I would say 1 - 2 semi-close friends. Which again I have trouble opening up to.

For starters, I have an issue speaking up at all, due to constant overthinking. Overthinking which again leads to most of my breakdowns lately it seems.

In the latest, I unintentionally hurt one of said friends by bringing up a bad topic. I'm beating myself up for not taking the hints earlier. This person means the world to me, and of course I would never intentionally go in to harm them, but things happened. 

I feel so stupid for not being able to express myself properly. I want to let them know how much it hurts me that I made them feel this way. But I feel like I'm invalidating their feelings by doing so. So it ends up in me choking, and not being able to say anything. 

They're pretty much what keeps me going in life, and I feel so guilty and selfish by thinking about my fear of losing them over this.

So, now I'm crawled up, hiding under a blanket, crying. When I really should be there for my friend.