Hey guys. This is going to be a lot of text but I’m losing my mind and I’m desperate so please bear with me.

I‘m (f22) reliving the worst situations from living at home with my abusive stepdad who is a narcissist and I don‘t know how to fix this. It‘s a recurring pattern that I‘ve experienced with my last two flatmates which ends with me seeing my stepdad in the person I‘m living with, which leads to me being terrified of them, hiding in my room, avoiding them, being overwhelmed, sensitive, triggering suicidal thoughts and and and. 

It‘s been three months since I moved in to this new place with my friend (f21). At first it finally felt like everything I had been desperately trying to find for years, a home where I feel safe. About two weeks ago that shifted completely and now it‘s the opposite (AGAIN)

It all started with me feeling like she‘s annoyed with me. Examples: I come home and say hi and she doesn‘t bother to look away from her phone. Her talking so silent that I can barely hear a word. I said goodmorning and she didn’t answer, I cried for 3 hours. I told her we don‘t talk and she says „What should I talk about“ idk maybe your day? Anything that isn‘t nothing???
I asked her twice if something‘s wrong. A) Something‘s going on with her and she doesn‘t want to talk about it B) She‘s annoyed with me but doesn‘t communicate that. Both times she said she‘s fine and when I said I feel like she‘s avoiding me she said I‘m probably just paranoid (she knows I have bpd) 
Both times took a LOT of courage to try and talk to her. A third seemed impossible so I wanted to write her a letter to tell her how I feel. My therapist told me I shouldn‘t, because that could be too much, and that I should trust her and give her time. But it‘s only getting worse and I feel like I am making it worse.

I notice that now I am the one avoiding her. I‘m terrified of her. I hide in my room, only go out if I don‘t hear her. I don‘t know how to act at home. Terrified of doing smth wrong. All the nasty things that I think of myself I think she thinks like that too. I‘m in panic mode. Cry all the time. We don‘t talk and I‘m a person that needs good communication in order to feel safe (otherwise this is what happens) and now my thought is :
What if there really wasn‘t a problem and now I‘m creating one? I‘m being a bad friend and a bad flatmate. I don‘t want her to feel bad for smth that isn‘t her fault but at the same time I‘m mad at her for not caring, not being empathetic, being so cold and closed off etc.

We‘re supposed to travel to another city over the weekend with two friends but I‘m thinking of canceling cause I know that she will act normal around them and after we will go back to silence and it makes me sad. Also, I‘m terrified of spending time with her. Which also makes me sad cause we‘re supposed to be friends. 

Idk if I‘m splitting and if I do idk how to turn the situation around bc my emotions are so intense. Idk what‘s real and what‘s not. All I know is that I can‘t function.
I‘m stuck. 

I know this was a lot to read but I would appreciate any opinion on what‘s going on, any tip with what I can do, maybe anyone has a similar experience?
Any help is appreciated.