I haven't seen my girlfriend since before Halloween,  we never actually talk anymore, she doesn't check my messages or leaves me on read most of the time. Today is her birthday and I go to post something on FB and find out that im restricted. There's posts hidden from me, and she never accepted the relationship request. Which isnt a horrible thing but I talked to a few people and apparently they (or most people) don't know who I am, don't know who her boyfriend is or worse, think she's single still... apparently even as far as to TALK about being single or about their relationships and she STILL implies she's single.

I called her out today and apparently I'm wrong, I'm crazy, I'm making things up and she will be public about us when "shes ready"... March will be two years together. I feel like such a fucking loser and I hate being a secret. She's so beautiful, awesome, and sexy...I'm PROUD to be her boyfriend. But I guess I'm nothing special to write home about...or mention to anyone. 

I'm fucking heartbroken and I can't even get her to understand because she makes me feel like I'm crazy and she's not doing anything wrong. I just wanna go to sleep and not wake up. (Not suicide, I just don't want to wake up and feel)

There's more but I'm too tired and cold to type,  I just had to vent a little (and will probably post this on a couple subs). Fuck man... I was so happy, never been happier even... now I hate myself and wanna know what's so wrong with me :(