I found myself coming here because I no longer find it helpful to pretend my BPD vanished when it really hasn't. I was diagnosed with BPD 6 years ago by a good psychiatrist, but my DBT therapist believed overtime that I was "too understanding" to have BPD and that I only had BPD traits. I took it seriously, and completely discarded any concept of BPD for years, including any of my DBT practice. Instead, I focused on healing from my complex trauma with a new therapist.  


However, even with the EMDR that I'm doing with my trauma therapist, I still find myself absolutely insane when it comes to relationships. I'm tamer than I was a few years ago, yes, but I know that I'm extreme and cause a lot of pain and drama in my relationships. I have a very hard time not sabotaging them, because I simultaneously desire closeness but fear it so deeply. I keep pushing everyone away and then reeling them back in. I can't seem to stop, no matter how much self awareness I gain. I've been depressed for so many years, and I'm becoming increasingly more suicidal again when I thought I'd gotten over this crap. Is there hope for me? I feel broken beyond repair.