I haven't posted in ages here. I seriously doubt anybody's gonna answer, but still. I've been living with my partner for 8 months, and I feel like I'm driving him insane. He's got anger issues and I like to hurt myself when I make mistakes (not really self-harm but punches and scratches to my face.)

Yesterday while we were having dinner I remember we had taken out tickets to see Dr. Strange and we completely forgot about it... I started screaming and crying and hitting myself. He eventually lost control and started punching things, until he punched the TV and broke it.

I feel numb. I really think a TV is more valuable than my life... I can't believe he actually broke it since it was so expensive and hard to fix. I wish he had hit me instead.

I feel on a low. This year has been good, as I moved out into my own flat after 3 years of renting rooms or sharing houses, but the rest has been underwhelming. I'm stressed out with college and work (English teaching) and he's a developer with loads of work. 

I'm changing therapist because evidently I should have stop acting like a total MANIAC when I make a mistake, but I simply can't. I fucking loathe myself 99% of the time. And I think I only bring out the worst in my partner. He's crazy for wanting to be with me.

I just had to rant and get this off my chest. I've been sending mails to therapists, especially in the DBT and CBT fields, and downloaded some books. I doubt it'll change anything. I'm hopeless.