I live in a home with two loving parents and a sister that I adore. My family gives me the world; they’ve given me a house, food, gifts, an amazing room, love, and bunch of things of other things. I shouldn’t be feeling the way I do, but for some reason, every morning, getting out of bed feels like a challenge. I push myself out of bed everyday feeling like I want to burst into tears and just hide away. 

I hate it. I hate that I feel this way and I hate myself. It’s been like this for so long that I just want to give up. Sometimes it gets to be too much and my mask falls and I’m just a disaster. I worry others, I make them sad, and they don’t deserve that. I want it to stop. I want to wake up and be happy, I want to stop hurting others.

But I don’t know how to make it go away. Maybe it’s stress from school, relationships, college apps, or maybe it’s because I stress too much to make others happy and not myself. I don’t know but I can’t take it anymore.

I know this post was a convoluted mess, but I needed to vent. I don’t go to the therapy because I’m afraid of telling my parents- I don’t want to be a burden to them and have them spend an obscene amount of money on therapy. I want help, but I’d rather suffer in silence than be s burden to others