My therapist of 4.5 years recently abandoned me after constantly telling me he wouldn't go anywhere. We didn't even have a final session, he discharged me via email. The past couple of sessions I was telling him how I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere and how I wasn't totally comfortable in my skin so it was like a total slap in the face. My friends have helped me realize the past few months he's been gaslighting me (I won't leave you, maybe you need someone different, if you want to leave you can, I won't leave you I've got your back).  On top of that back in July/August he did something he called "reactive behavioral therapy" and he basically was like "If you don't want to work with me anymore I get it" and it makes me think he was trying to push me away. When I brought up the fears of him pushing me away he constantly reassured me he wasn't (gaslighting again). 

The hardest thing is we live in the same town so there's a chance of seeing him. During the day during the week I'm okay because he works at a school elsewhere but like the weekends? Oof. I enjoy going for walks around town and it's like a panic attack anytime I see someone or a couple coming towards me (him and his wife ALSO enjoy walking/running around town). I can pretty much avoid his actual house, but like he goes by mine.

I've started with a new therapist (thankfully I kind of saw the ending of our relationship coming and was able to prep my psych and I called her right away and she had someone new pretty much lined up for me (which makes me wonder if she knew about it or was in on it)) but I am still so lost. Like what do I even talk to this new person about. How can I trust her?  Thankfully she specializes and enjoys working with people with BPD but like this year has been shit for people abandoning me.