 Reacap: My mental breakdown was 4 years ago almost and it was a really bad event. Self harming was really stupid and thats something ill never really learn to forget because it disfigured me. I dealt with my grandfather who helped raise me passing away shortly after and the diagnosis of my mothers mental illness and it explained a lot of how she treated my sister and i growing up and how she doesnt remember certain things she did. I dissociate alot and think things arent real alot of the time and i get paranoid but im aware of all of it and i joke about it to cope. Well i was super depressed and gained a lot of weight and my heaviest was 435lbs. 


Currently: I have happily lost 140pounds which brings me down to 295lbs. Im 6 foot 1 so ive slendered down a bit and gained decent muscle weight lifting and such. I feel like this helps alot because i feel better and way more active and i can run a mile again and im eating healthier. I guess its like since i have more control over my body it makes me feel like i have more control mentally if that makes sense? Its a really strange and bizarre feeling. Especially recently i broke up with this woman who had her own issues and it was super emotional but like in a real toxic way. So yea i noticed red flags and just booked it. Im still with the exercising and i just hope i dont turn into one of those dumb ass frat boys with the shades. Im a super nerd so i dont think id do well.