I don't even know how to phrase this exactly because it's such a weird phenomenon but I feel like other people here may experience it. Or I don't know, maybe not. But does anyone have the sense like 90% of the time that they're acting a part or faking it in some way? By "it" I'm not sure what I mean exactly...a certain emotion or even a personality. I feel like except for with a very limited number of people or in very rare occasions, I'm always fake. I'm never myself. Maybe it's because I don't know who "myself" is or I try to please people but it just feels like all of my facial expressions, the things I say, everything...it's all fake. It's like there's this vast distance between me and everything I say and do. Maybe I'm dissociating. I want more than anything to be genuine and authentic with people but I literally don't know how anymore. Does anyone else ever struggle with this or know what I'm talking about? 

This is sort of a weird example but often I'll be dissociating a lot in a conversation with someone, or even just walking across a crowded room, and I become so self-conscious and try to tell myself to "act natural" and be myself or whatever, but I don't even know what that would be. Does that make any sense at all?

Sorry it's a bit rambling and confused.