That about sums it up....

I've been going to a PHP/IOP DBT women's program since August.  I was finally making major progress and approaching my discharge - I finally received a discharge date of October 9th (tomorrow... ugh...).  However, the timing was sort of awkward, but after looking at my values and goals I decided to also switch jobs.  My last job's health insurance ended on 9/30 and I had to get insurance off the marketplace (Obamacare).  Of course, I also had taken a month off work, so though I had started working at my new job I was still fairly broke and couldn't afford the premium until payday on 10/2... yes, I'm an idiot.  Now I can't get insurance until 11/1.  *I'm an idiot.*  

So, from IOP 3 days a week, I'm down to nothing.  No aftercare.  No insurance for prescriptions.  Nothing.  I never got the contact info from the girls in program because I didn't think I would be leaving yet.  My family isn't supportive and I don't have many friends.  I was fed up and wanted to leave because I've been working 12-hour days what with program AND work but I didn't want to leave this way.  Now I have no emotional supports, can't reach wise mind, and my emotion regulation has been shit.  (I keep self-medicating with caffeine instead of Adderall and eating my feelings.)

So I have to self-teach myself DBT for the rest of the month, I guess.  I'm at work and should be working right now.  I was devastated.  I cried and cried and cried.  At least I've found religion so that's been a kind of consolation.  The only person I could reach during my sob session last night (doing the call-everyone-in-my-phone book, we all know the drill) was a girl I met in Bible study, and it really does help.   I don't know, it still feels super lame to me to call myself a Christian but I'm not about to reject anything that seems to be helping.

It just sucks.  It all-around sucks.  I have half a mind to just show up at program and tell them to put it on my tab. (I'm massively in debt anyway, so who cares?!)  My individual therapist is arranging some sort of aftercare for me but I was never in many groups with her and don't like her that much.  I wish I could call program and ask to talk to one of the other therapists I like better. 

I miss everyone.  This sucks.  

So I'm turning to you guys.  I feel so alone.  Please tell me I'm not!


(Side Vent: my apartment is disgusting and I completely lack the mental fortitude to clean it, AAHHH)

**TL;DR**  Talk DBT to me!