For some light context, I met my ex with BPD in May of 2015 and we hit it off pretty quickly. Immediate sexual chemistry, we got along, I thought she was kind and fragile and she portrayed herself as a victim of love. If only I'd known...

Fast forward 15 months, I was cheated on with 3 separate men, ongoing, discovered I was being lied to about an abuser in her past, and she would ignore me for extended whiles and withdraw affection when I was in my most devastated state. I couldn't read her. Things hadn't been healthy for some time but I guess I just figured she would communicate these issues. I was very wrong. 

After I discovered all the cheating, she checked herself into the hospital for suicidal ideation. On her waiting list? Her mother and my replacement. First time I've typed or said that in 4 months (since the breakup). She moved to LA exactly two months after our breakup (on my birthday, actually...) and to my understanding she is dating one of the guys she was cheating on me with long distance, as we're in Ohio. 

I haven't yet discussed any of the details with individuals diagnosed with BPD and I guess I was just wondering if anyone could provide insight on what might have been going through my ex's head that allowed her to still sleep with me an hour after having sex with another man. What allowed her to maintain lies the entire relationship? Is it all compartmentalization, dissociation? I guess I just don't understand how anyone could have the capacity to be so cold and cruel and then move on to someone new. We spoke after the break up and had sex 3 times which was a huge mistake. I felt addicted, hopelessly. She mentioned that she hated being alone and that she just convinced herself I was bad for her and that allowed her to move right on. I don't understand. I couldn't begin to do this, in fact I'm still ruminating and I don't even have anything to be guilty about.