Hi this is my first time posting on reddit ever so forgive me.
I'm (21F) and my whole life feels like its over atm.
A couple weeks ago my bf (20M) and I decided to move out of our rented home because "we couldnt afford it".
My bf would not let me pay rent even though he couldnt afford it alone, but i payed for alot of the other expenses so i thought i made up for it. We lived together for 6 months and only rented for 2. He got me a job in the local shop with him because i was struggling to find work back home and i have medical expenses. I have caused multiple problems because of my meltdowns and my bf forced me to move back home to my abusive parents miles away and he forced me to give up my job. About a month after we moved out he decided to break up with me saying he needs space and my mental problems are too much for him to deal with. We're on a break and I'm awaiting an appointment to be assessed for bpd. Our plan is to check back in with eachother after a couple months and get back together but I'm v v lonely atm, I'm going broke and cant find work and I'm miserable living with people who have mistreated me for years. It will be a couple weeks before I find out when my appointment is and idk how to keep going. I am still in contact with my bf but i feel like I'm putting in all this effort yet hes not, he said we would text and maybe call every so often but hes not doing that anymore either ... idk what to do and i feel hopeless.