I'm starting to lose it, I've not been this bad in a while,  none of the services in my area help without having to wait a year.

My life has fallen apart, it all started when I was dumped, that already made me pretty depressed, but then as the days went on I realised how far streaching the repocutions of that were, my 2 year relationship went up in flames - it completely blind sided me, we had our issues but in the last 4-5 months things really felt like they were getting better. But then bam she says she wants to try make a stable happiness alone (which I really hope she does, she deserves to happy, she was honestly the best thing to happen to me).

I felt shit about that already, but as days passed I realised that a lot of plans that we put into montion are still moving, me finding a job in Scotland to move away from the south of England and cities because we both preferred the country side. I can't just turn this back now, a lot of graduate programmes are closing in the next few days, so unless I figure something out I may need to move across the country alone, completly alone. I was ready and happy to do it with her but I can't do it alone. I need to get out or else I will have to fully uproot my life abd start fresh in a completely unknown place.

I don't feel like I can do this, I want to die, I want to die so badly, but I know I'm too much of a coward to act on it.