I have to constantly anesthetize myself to keep from losing my mind. Whether it's substances, ideas, or affirmations, I'm just always gripping on to these things so tightly because the moment I let go I'm literally unable to function. 

I don't know what it is about today but nothing is bringing me down to earth. Everything thought that scares me and distresses is me is running loose inside my head and I feel like I'm fucking drowning. I've been shaking and twitching uncontrollably all day, my heart is beating so fast and it feels like there's an elephant sitting on my chest. I feel like I am constantly putting a cap on all of these bad thoughts and then when I've done that for too long, it all just explodes and I'm a mess like I am now. 

Am I making sense? Does anyone feel like this sometimes? I really just need some confirmation that I can pull myself out of this one and that life isn't as horrifying as I think it is.