Its been months since I vented on here; an anonymous suicide letter that I typed on my phone with my feet hanging  over the balcony. In a way, things are a lot better now. 
For some reason, having someone to lose is what sets me off the edge. All I can think of when in a relationship is offing myself, and I suffer to the point of agony where I can barely breath. He's gone now, and I can breath again. 

But depression, the kind that feels like it is one step away from swallowing you whole at any moment, is still here. I find myself running from my thoughts frantically and nearly every day. 

So that sucks. Anyway,

I'd like to share something I know to be true. I've never studied witchcraft, but I've done 6 spells in my life (at times that I felt desperately out of control) and every single time what I asked for came to be. 

I was partially convinced that it might have been a coincidence until this last one. I wrote up my perfect lover/partner, and burnt the paper to a red candle. The candle melted into the shape of a "y". A month later, man of my dreams rolls around with a last name starting with "Y". 

Three months later, man of my dreams seems to snap out of this drunken obsession with me and basically tells me I'm the worst person on the planet. 

Lesson: This stuff is real. If you need something dearly, it's a great option. But there are heavy reprecussions if you're manipulating someone else's will. It will leave you more fucked up than when you started. 

TL;DR- If there's an escape to unhappiness, I haven't found it yet. Spells are not the answer. 

