I’m not really sure if this is a bpd related but it feels like it is. And just for full transparency I’m not officially diagnosed but I definitely have bpd tendencies, but don’t currently have the resources to see a doctor or therapist for my issues. 

Anyways. I used to have a terrible temper, and over the years I’ve worked really hard to get it under control. And I may still feel very angry and annoyed at times but I don’t take it out on other people so much anymore or verbally flip out on people aside from a few rare occasions. 

I have a feeling this may changes soon and just thinking that pisses me off since it’s soemthing I’ve actively worked on myself. 

This probably sounds so stupid and not important and not something I should be mad about but I am. But my friends and I started playing this game on Xbox. It’s a fun game and all that but the one guy has made it completely not enjoyable at all for me. These are all like IRL friends in playing with, not just people I’ve met online. But it’s a survival game- I haven’t been playing video games for as long as everyone else. And im a girl playing with a group of guys, so anytime I have a question or fuck up in some way this kid flips out on me. He barks orders and yells at everyone and is just being such a condescending asshole. And I’m going to lose it on him unless I quit playing. And I really don’t want to fight. Especially cause then I’m just viewed as that ‘emotional girl’. 

But also my FP plays with us which makes it nearly impossible for me to quit. 

I’ve talked to one other person whose with us about this and he agrees with me that it’s annoying as hell. But I can’t totally vent like I can here where people may understand just how like trigging this whole this is. 

Sorry for the book. And again, sorry if this sounds just totally stupid, making you all just roll your eyes. 

Thanks for reading lol.