tw: mentions of suicide and sh

&amp;#x200B;

My bf and i are long distance and we text a bunch but don't call much which is incredibly hard for me. We have called three times in the last two weeks only for a bit each time and i feel like i cant function. since 12pm yesterday i have been stuck in a loop of i am fine, no I'm not i need to kill myself right this instant, then self harm to deal with the suicidal urges, spam calling my boyfriend all night even though he says he is not doing ok right now and cant talk to me right now. makes it worse and i freak out more and cycle repeats. i don't know what to do. it hurts so fucking much and i, lol, forgot it hurts this bad when it happens. also urges to break everything i own and destroy my life. i am so tired.