i (14F) hate myself a lot bc of this. anyway, my sister (20F)  has really strong manipulative techniques and a way of speaking that truly just irritates me. i know it’s not in a malicious way, or maybe it is idk but she reminds me of my dad whenever he’s trying to manipulate me. 

she took one of my stuffed animals off my dresser once and i told her to put it back. i have problems with sharing stuff so i didn’t appreciate her taking it without me saying she could. she didn’t put it back so i tried grabbing it from her and ended up getting into a small fist fight. she kept taking to me in a way i didn’t like and for some reason i felt the urge to pick up on of my pillows that had my ipad in it and hit her with it. i hit her legs and she never showed any pain so i assumed it just didn’t hurt and she gave me the bear back. although i knew the ipad in pillow was a bit much, my sister and i often get into physical fights... i don’t really love this because i’m always the weaker one and it frustrates me. 

i think i hit her with my ipad one time before the stuffed animal incident and she didn’t tell me anything about it hurting and she just laughed. then one day i was sitting on my bed and as she was picking out clothes i picked up a hanger and hit her back with it (NOT HARD AT ALL) then she started saying how “her mom abused her and hit her and she has trauma and ptsd from it so everything i hit her i trigger that”. she also said how the ipad hitting hurt her a lot and that i gave her bruises. i didn’t even know what to say to that because i felt so upset. i never knew that i gave her bruises and i felt like i was an abuser because i hit her and gave brought a lot of repressed trauma back to her. i apologized. 

i still don’t know how to feel about this. she tries to trip me and we still get into physical fights which i hate but even if i told her i hate them i would probably still jokingly hit her and then she would get more physical. i don’t know what to do. i feel like a horrible person for resorting to violence to air out my anger and it needs to stop but i don’t know what to do. please help.