"I'm not suicidal so everything's fine". As easy as it is to say, it's just not true, yet I tend to summarize things with that sentence. It's easier to say that than start thinking how I actually feel.

But actually I don't feel better, or even good. My dissociation is worse than it ever has been, I lose time, anxiety is worsening even after taking part in a social anxiety support group. ECT is not working. I'm taking four different meds and two more for panic attacks and sleeplessness. There's so many things wrong and dragging me down that I don't want to, or can, list. There's too many intertwined issues that I should dissect to even crack the door open, but I don't find the words to open up, so it's easier to just be, live day by day. But I'm no longer suicidal, so everything's fine.