We see a lot of posts about people wanting their hypomania to return, but let’s talk about wanting the depression to stay. 

Now hear me out because I’ve been severely depressed for a year now, sometimes just numb and other times suicidal but nonetheless constantly depressed for a year now. I’m even starting ECT soon. I desperately do not want to feel like dying ever again! However, I think I’m scared to feel stable again... I really don’t remember what that even feels like but for some reason I guess there are days I feel comfortable with my depression. Maybe it’s because it’s become my “normal” but I’m actually kind of nervous about getting better. Does any of this make sense and can anyone relate? Believe me, I’m sick and tired of crying all the time and feeling useless so this strange comfort doesn’t really make sense to me. I’ve never been this depressed and for this long before, at times it’s delusional so maybe this comfort thought is part of that... I really can’t trust my brain these days.