recently, i stopped talking to my best friend of (on and off) 17 years. He was lying and hiding a pretty bad heroin addiction from me. I told him he was toxic and cut him out of my life completely. He died of a heroin overdose about 1.5 months later. i don't know if anything i'm feeling is normal. i don't know if i'm grieving right. i think i'm cutting a lot of people out just because someone else died? like my other best friend went with me to the funeral and let me cry on him and held me up when i needed him to.... but because of my friend's death... i think it brought a negative perspective back to my life. i mean, that is if it was ever gone.

everyone is temporary. i think way tooo big about interactions. i don't know about anyone else but when i was younger, i always felt like i could predict things, like a psychic. but now that i'm an adult, I know that the feeling of 'bad juju' is really just me setting myself up for failure emotionally. lmao. 

idk why i posted... i think i just feel alone in a crowded room. 