A friend of mine killed himself 2 years ago, since then I have recurring depressed phases. I feel driveless, useless and can’t concentrate on anything. Ever since then I started smoking weed on my own when I’m feeling really depressed so I wouldn’t feel anything. I almost never see my friends anymore and no one is checking on me either so I feel like nobody wants me and I’m just a burden to everybody not really liked by anyone. Even with my gf I sometimes think I tricked her into liking me.
I wanna get better, I don’t want to be sad all the time but life just feels so stressful and not worth the effort right now.
I don’t know what to do anymore to feel any better. I just want to be happy and not hate my self.