i have so many triggers with my daily life that go off multiple times a day usually and it’s awful. it’s so tiring too because if i tell someone about it they’re just gonna think that i’m being overdramatic or keep doing it on accident anyways. i told my psychiatrist about being triggered a lot and she asked what was causing them... i just kind of bit my tongue and said “friends and family,” but she didn’t ever really go over it too much besides tell me to write all my triggers i can remember. but my god, i’m so tired of living with this shit. somebody i care about does something that pisses me off or hurts my feelings and now i want to fucking kill myself over it. it’s a ruthless cycle that won’t stop. i’m not trying to guilt anybody for this because it’s all my fault. i have to pretend i’m always OK too because of trauma and fear of abandonment (i’m scared my partner will leave me if i don’t act as perfect as i can). i just feel like if i ended myself i’d be forgotten as soon as the sun shines. i want existence to be behind me so i can finally cherish silence because i haven’t experienced it fully with BPD.