After a recent experience hanging out with my stepbrother and his friend I've realized just how inept I am with talking to people and social situations at all. I believe I have massive social anxiety, and don't really know what to do about it. I have a job that I need to attempt to apply for but because I feel so stupid and unaware of anything I just feel unable to make any attempt at getting this job.

I know the cause of my social anxiety is because I only spend time alone in my room, but I just have no desire to talk to people. It just doesn't feel good to me to talk with people, I'm just too awkward. I was abused by my father from a very young age and from then on unless I was at school I was alone by myself with nobody to interact with. When I interact with people such as my mom or grandparents I'd just listen to them silently while given very little dialogue myself. I was always a listener instead of a talker. But now I just don't wanna interact with anybody, the idea of needing to talk to somebody for really any reason at all makes me feel uncomfortable. I just don't know how to come across to people. My social skills are weak because I don't talk much but I don't know how to improve them either because of how anxious I am to try. 

I hardly look people in the eyes for more than a split second without usually looking down or around avoiding too much contact with any specific person. I feel like an outcast in every social situation. I'm also an extremely depressed minded person, but that's not something I'd want to bring into a social situation so I try to avoid any negative topics or discussions. I honestly bet people think I'm mentally ill or crazy when talking to me just from my sheer awkwardness and anxiety. And while this isn't every single social event, I do very often feel uncomfortable with anyone excluding my brother and parents.

Basically I just feel like a burden to talk to, I love myself for who I am whenever I'm alone. But cannot shake an overlooking feeling every time someone is around me. Having someone around me just bugs me for some reason, and interacting with them makes me feel shy and insecure. I fear that my lack of having literally no social life is going to hinder my future experiences and that terrifies me.