Today, I’m doing something that I should have done years ago. I’m telling all my Reddit friends about my story in hopes of informing you, letting you know that the struggle is real, and inspiring you to create a better life for yourself. I know you can do it, and I know it's possible. Life is much better ahead. It’s just something we have to work for while trying to be consistent. I’d like to give you a few quotes you might be able to hold close whenever you might be going through a tough time. 

For our law enforcement, military, veterans, and freedom loving supporters throughout the world, those who may or may not have gone through a tough time, please keep the following in mind:

“Life is amazing. And then it can be awful. And then it’s amazing again. The world isn’t against you nor is it out to get you. Everyone makes mistakes, despite that, life is breathtakingly beautiful. We’re all human. Life also isn’t a problem to be solved, but work through your mistakes, believe in yourself, and plan for a future fulfilling the values of your forefather’s, along with God’s will. To have and to show integrity, service, humility, and respect. To grow and to also cultivate the lives of others. - Unknown

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” – Albert Einstein

“…we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28

“…though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.” – Psalms 23:4

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Years ago, I had mental health problems that I believe I’ve made a great deal of progress with. As of recent, I’ve had a complicated several years where I’ve been trying to break through the status quo of different irregular circumstances that have happened throughout different employment situations in the recent past. I’ve been very fortunate to have received Veteran’s Compensation for a condition I’ve been diagnosed with. In fact, I’m rated at 100%, but I haven’t let that detract me from the ability that I know I have of leaving the Veteran’s Compensation behind to work fulltime in a capacity that I might be suitable for. 

Let me back up a little bit to give you a better idea of how some of these things may have started. I believe my arguments with some of my immediate family members after leaving the armed services may have been somewhat authoritative at the time, years ago, just beyond 2009. Thus, I may have had an element of an adjustment disorder after my time serving in the military. In fact, although I usually hid it well, my thought process to a certain degree and quite regularly was paranoid, which lined up with element of unemployment or underemployment and a general lack of direction with regards to my life. 

I was taken to a mental health hospital by a police officer in 2011 for something I did which was raise my voice at another police officer while I was asking him why they were in the neighborhood. My paranoid attitude had contributed to that. Fortunately, I was given treatment instead of incarceration. After about a week and a half, I was suddenly removed from the mental health center in a large city in the south and dropped off at a homeless shelter that had a timeline registration requirement. I didn’t have a cellphone and was trying to get back to where I lived, so I found myself missing the registration to the homeless center and trying to walk from there, downtown, all the way to the outskirts of an outside suburb, where throughout several hours of waiting in various places into the next day, mid-day, I was eventually given a ride to the town that I lived in that was over an hour away, driving. The distance that I walked was almost as long as the Bataan death march, and my knees were getting injured and almost giving in. I’m not trying to give you a sad story; I’m just trying to tell you what the realities of a mental health struggle might look like. 

Later in 2012, my family caught me speaking to the television. As a result, that time, I again spent time in a mental health hospital, but this time for about two months. I went to court for the continuation determination and then was sent to a Veteran’s Affairs Hospital, only to end up telling the psychiatrist, “I was speaking to the television as though I was speaking in the mirror to myself.” I was then for that reason, let go within a matter of a few days. 

I should note that each of these hospitalizations usually ends up costing the person hospitalized thousands of dollars if they are uninsured. I was uninsured at the time; the compensation I had ended up receiving helped me to a great extent get out of the financial pitfall I found myself in, not only due to the health center costs, but also the credit card debt I had accumulated due to unemployment, underemployment, and one, two, or a handful of mistakes I’ve made.

Consequentially, I believe a couple of years before, I’m unsure exactly how long and to no person in specific, I sent an email, mostly to friends, that indicated that I thought I was or may be schizophrenic. During the hospitalization in 2012, there would be a doctor that would diagnose me with this condition, a diagnosis that would continue with me throughout the years. Although my adjustment disorder has improved, over the years I’ve been overly disadvantaged in application to my professional advancement. 

I know I have probably been diagnosed properly in the past and know I have had at the very least psychosis during one time frame. However, throughout the next two to three years after my hospitalization in 2012, I would live, at first, through the support of my family, and soon afterwards with the approved Veterans Compensation I would receive. 

The medication that I was placed on, would make me gain weight and maintain the condition as that of having a large goofy smile on my face. I found out soon that the anti-depressant I was on was at too high of a level. I spoke with my psychiatrist and eventually, with his help, fixed that part of my life. During that period, I’ll admit that I didn’t apply to many positions, but I remember eventually focusing on advanced education to move my life forward. I remember shortly after studying for the General Management Administration Test (GMAT) in 2015, I was browsing several education programs online. A very peculiar thing happened, I received a suggestion that I should apply to a certain type of master’s degree program. 

I did well and graduated from the master’s degree with a relatively good grade point average. Around the end of 2017, while I was studying for the master’s in homeland security, I wrote on word documents within my laptop with the internet connected, everything in the past that I remembered may have been a violation of the law that I did all the way from a minor up to an adult. Where I don’t believe I did much illegal activity recently, I focused on old things that I’ve done. Many of those weren’t complicated to understand and they were mostly things that a foolish teenager might be involved with. 

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Risk &amp; Financial Advisory position

In late 2018, I was hired on for an e-Discovery position that was labelled as Risk and Financial Advisory Associate for a global accounting firm. After joining, the position became a Risk and Financial Advisory Consultant position. The position I was initially hired for was in a country in Europe, and it was done by a Managing Director that was promoted to Principal in a large metropolitan city in Texas. This person was purportedly prior service. 

The workplace environment within the European country seemed confusing. Yet I was assured by my Partner Escalation Point that the individuals at the workplace didn’t know that I had been diagnosed with a condition. The words that were used are delineated below. From my perspective, it could be described as though I was intentionally assigned a sociological problem by someone. However, there was intent with the words used by the individuals. Supposing it were a sociological problem it might seem to reflect or might not reflect on my diagnosis. Phrases were regularly made by others within the team that seemed to be directed towards me. Although I’m unsure what their exact knowledge was, and with risk of sounding somewhat ostentatious, it was clearly some form of workplace harassment. I left the firm because of it. I may have had the option to stay in the United States, but with assurance that it might be difficult for me to obtain the next position, or contract to work under. There were also a few things that led me to fear some form of retaliation. The Managing Director or Principal who hired me who continued to have oversight over me cussed a lot and was intimidating. The manager who was my coach, although he was very empathetic when I told him I was schizophrenic, he clearly enunciated, "I don't want to see you succeed" amongst the other things he said. At this point I had been diagnosed with schizophrenia for several years but was aware and somewhat understanding with regards to the statements that people made that I knew were real. These and other things led me to believe that there was something going on that would cause me a significant amount of difficulty if I continued in the position I was in, so I decided to leave. 

The workplace environment at the worksite within the European country was very unprofessional. The fact that I left this position was of a significant impact to me. I believe the act of receiving a job offer or a career after graduating should have been good. It ended up being a setback in this instance, because I could have obtained another position, even a better position that wouldn’t have forced me to leave, leaving me without that needed income. The comments that were made were unsettling with regards to what I was attempting to do professionally, which mostly involved the actual e-Discovery work. I also felt retaliated against for some reason I was unsure about. I didn’t know these people very well, but it was still a very unnerving process to go through. 

After a conversation over the phone with someone who was figuratively close to me, I received a few phrases that I could use that I hadn't been using in the instances of what I consider to be harassment. The phrases are the following: "Y’all aren't really fun to work with." "Y’all are annoying." "You guys have the wrong attitude." Unfortunately, it hadn’t been in my nature to use phrases like that. At one point, I used the first phrase somewhat emphatically enough to where my thoughts would be expressed correctly. It was at a point where several people were talking in English, and I had no clue what they were talking about. It seemed like they were trying to pass off again as being technical related to work, but I wasn't buying it. The two people discussing these issues seemed somewhat surprised when I used the phrase. 

As the day continued, it occurred to me that it would probably be best that I write what was being said down. This is how November 14th went: A few others and I met for a taxi near the train station and exchanged casual pleasantries. I sat in the front seat and paid for the taxi. After arriving to the door of the collections room and saying goodbye to the other two, they walked away. As they left, I said to my coworker "I have the key." The person from another European country, who happened to be from another team within the firm working in the area, repeated, and laughed at a distance mockingly, "I have the key" and there was a sharp contrast with regards to how he acted at a distance. He also said this as though there may be an issue with me having the key. 

At some point, I overheard the deputy manager harassing someone for being arrogant. On the previous day I had been speaking about arrogance with regards to that person, but to the outside leadership I was reporting to. It wasn’t my intention to make that an issue for that type of confrontation. 

On November 13th, the deputy manager made a reference to a "Mighty Drive". When I asked a coworker what that meant, he said, "I don't know. A thumb drive?" The deputy manager in essence seemed to make a mockery of cultural differences by saying that. Meanwhile, people from the other team would walk in and refer to someone by saying something like, “How much longer will he be here?” She seemed to have said this about someone in that office while in the other room with the deputy manager and others. But it seemed to be implicit of something more like “How much longer can he take it?” I continued the day quietly. 

When talking about a barcode label, the deputy manager was talking to someone else I was working with, and randomly said, "That weirdo too". I said, "I'm sorry you think about me that way". He then said, "What?" I then said, "You said, 'that weirdo too'" After that he said, "Yeah, so". That seemed to have been indifference and lack of professionalism. I believe it also clearly showed that I was the odd man out in the room. When returning, the deputy manager exclaimed, "You see, now we can shoot it." He seemed to be talking about someone on the current side of the office I was in, and they weren't using any cameras. I checked and there were no cameras visible in that side of the room at that point. It wasn't clear what he was talking about with regards to, "Now we can shoot it" but I'm pretty sure I wasn't missing any other part of the conversation that would indicate it was about a camera. One of my coworkers then said "Maybe his computer is slashing me" as I was going to get a flat metallic device that's used to pry open a laptop for the work I was doing. Even though it may have been implicit of me not slashing him, but my computer doing so, in the sense that it seemed to refer to what I was doing at that moment of time, “Getting a flat metallic device” but to pry open a laptop. It also seems to be something that you might say to a criminally insane person or someone like that to taunt him to do more criminal activity. It’s things like these that really offended me.

"No one is getting promoted. They are going to test him and give him the password."…. 

Later that day a battery, shows up very close to the station I was working at. No one was processing computers at that station shortly before that time, someone clearly left a battery there. I just assumed whoever found it was returning it. The deputy manager was purportedly on the phone with the manager, who was currently away in the United States, told him, "They attacked two devices." The deputy manager then said to another colleague there "Get rid of him" purportedly about some chain of custody that a colleague was taking care of. 

At one point shortly afterwards, a colleague walks into the room and says "All chopped up" while holding a camera in his hand. I asked him what he meant. In response, he tells me that he guessed he meant that the thumb drive was all messed up. He says that his English was bad. However, although a self-proclaimed atheist, he said it with faith in his eyes. What he said at the time let me down further because I had believed his initial statement and realized shortly afterwards that he was holding a camera. (Although he was just entering the door, I suppose it could have been implicit of being the camera that wasn’t visible above.)

I should emphasize that the people in the group were saying all these things casually; it seemed to be more of an acting out of phrases than anything else. Although I didn’t see much risk in any bodily harm being done to me, I still considered much of it to be highly offensive.

Later that afternoon or evening, the deputy manager explained the procedure that was going to be followed with regards to imaging a device. The room gets tense due to his demeanor. The deputy manager randomly uses the word "Toasted" purportedly with regards to a chain of custody or a file name. The deputy manager then shortly after that says, "and then he's my friend" randomly as a way to allegedly ask for a quality check from one of the other colleagues. As you can see this seems to require an element of forethought about the type of words they would be using, particularly as I’m asking someone else around me. Clearly, there’s a lack of professionalism. All these individuals involved, unless otherwise mentioned, purportedly work for the same global accounting firm. 

On the first day in the office in the European country, the first element of a lack of professional behavior was demonstrated when I first arrived by the deputy manager, who wasn’t from the European country I was in. He said, "One thing you'll find out here is that we are as racist as f\*\*k." The lack of professionalism continued. One of the Americans said, "I think I'm going to steal some luggage." That had resonated as something that had recently happened to me in the United States at a storage unit I was renting. (Although I don’t believe that any of them would have been directly involved with it.) 

One of the first few days I was there, someone in his late forties or perhaps even fifties followed me to a location and quoted something about a “$100,000” and “is good”, seeming to be implicit of a compensation valuation. One or two days later, I’m unsure of what day, that same person followed me and said something like “$100,000” and “is not good”. He might not have been with the big four accounting firm, may have been local or with the company local to the country I was in, and was using the English language, although it probably wasn’t his native tongue.

The third day the deputy manager made a reference to a computer or a hard drive being crazy, "Well then it must be crazy." That didn't make much sense to me. The deputy manager spoke English well enough to where I don't believe he would be using English incorrectly that way. It was more likely intentional and more likely that he would be referring to a person. As you can see, from this point the workplace was clearly an unprofessional workplace environment. 

Closer to the end of the about week-and-a-half I was there, I was on the phone with a senior manager in charge of labor relations. She proceeded to tell me that she didn't see the significance in what I was telling her and seemed to have been implicitly indicating that it was normal all-the-while refusing to acknowledge that she was trying to say that it was normal. I'm unsure if she wanted more information, but she didn't really seem to want to call it anything. I told her that it was offensive that she would be passing this off as "normal" or the "status quo" after I had to go through it for the last week and a half. I unfortunately was left with no option but to be angry throughout the latter three quarters of my conversation with her, even though being an angry person is now hardly ever characteristic of me. Again, she said she wasn't calling it "normal" or the "status quo", but she did say that she didn't see the significance in it. She also said that she would be going to that office in Germany to investigate. She did say that I could book my travel back to the United States and did say that she didn't believe I was hearing things. I suppose that it was a coincidence that the principal and the partner were on PTO according to what they had posted. 

A mid-sized city in the south

After all this, around the end of 2018, when I arrived at the main car rental counter an International Airport, I spoke with a customer service representative about a car rental I was returning. There was a customer service representative that I overheard from a car-rental agency nearby that was harassing a lady. The person said the following: “At this point all I want to know is if you’re going to church.” There was some time in between the two statements. “You know, I hear people returning from Afghanistan with PTSD find meditation to be very useful.” The lady exclaimed, “Take me out of this place!” and she paced back and forth in front of the counter once or twice. There were periods where they seemed to be waiting for a response. Although I was busy speaking about the rental I had, I feel somewhat guilty that I didn’t step in to help the nearby lady.

For those outside onlookers into this Reddit forum, I should point out that throughout all these things I’m telling you, I’m not asking you to advocate for me, but maybe you should at least turn your attitude around about people that do have severe mental and physical disabilities. As for me, I believe I’m competent enough and would prefer to personally take things like these to court and intend to if these types of situations continue.

A large metropolitan city in the west (May 2019 – September 2019)

I was employed for the Federal Government within the large metropolitan city in the west for a short period of time. The thing you needed to do to advance on the job seemed natural to me. I was attempting to work as hard as possible before and especially throughout the last week-and-a-half I was there. It was challenging but also mostly irritating. I wrote the following down on my government computer and then took a photo of it. The things in parenthesis were what other employees were saying in order:

“You’ve got to be more specific, Roman is requesting”

“We currently have people dying”

At work, there regularly seems like there’s someone right around the corner talking about the work that I’m involved with or something that could be related... There are other people, colleagues, that are closer that I could probably go talk to about it. Do you suggest that I talk to them? What would I say?

“Sean… welcome to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_” (Email from Supervisor)

“five years” ???

Something about “getting there sooner”

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“Roman” may refer to, “When in Rome, do as the Romans.” It could also be a biblical reference as in the Epistle of Romans a lot of the content was applicable to faith and government considering it was a letter the Apostle Paul wrote to the Romans. The following was later or one of the following days:

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I said the following, “Do you know why \*\*\*male person\*\*\* hasn’t been coming in anymore? Is he okay?”

Response from someone else: “Why? Do you love him?” (Somewhat sharp voice)

“Wrong again” (Someone else)

“So turrets huh?” “Yeah”

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One person I had met, who had been employed by the government agency for several years before randomly said to people in my class, “He has spies.” Due to my focus on getting work done, I never really confronted one of the other employees with the concepts they were using, even though some people I didn’t know did somewhat raise their voices on a few occasions leading me to feel anxious and pressured to do more work. I had previously reported other instances of people mentioning unusual elements of symmetric information related to my past. The results seemed to vary. Over the course of about the last week, or week-and-a-half, the situation seemed very arduous. I talked to an assistant manager who had participated in the strenuous process by asking him if he was on the headset with someone, telling him that I would be moving to a different cubicle. He began to act like a normal person and said, “okay” while pretending he wasn’t doing anything. I heard someone at a relatively close distance saying, “That’s not it.” I talked to my supervisor who happened to be in the other corner of the floor to let him know that I wanted to or would attempt to move cubicles. He said that the intent was to keep us together as a group. He didn’t seem to know what was going on, and I don’t believe I expressed what was going on in the area correctly at the time. This resulted in me remaining in my cubicle area, which in turn ultimately led to a panic attack where I felt forced to no longer stay on the job. At this point, I hadn’t served in the military now for about ten years. 

A small metropolitan city in the south

I should probably also mention that it’s not because I behave erratically while on the job, nor am I somehow ever so slightly unable to perform the job. I’m very capable of performing the jobs I’ve had, particularly recently. The fact is that there has within the past few years been situations that come up at work that are personal, and it boggles my mind how it reaches my coworkers. 

It might also be in the middle of a statement about a completely different topic, but there sometimes could be the interpretation of negativities in the interconnected comments themselves. I sometimes feel fortunate when the coworkers have a good attitude throughout the course of employment while they are making these comments and in the in between times. 

The coincidences add up and for these interrelated reasons and others, I was writing my resignation letter at this place of employment. I simultaneously after heard my supervisor speaking to someone over the phone in the other room saying, “Well, now we’re talking about a former employee so…” From my discussion with him, he intended to keep the rest of his employees working there. Things like these, and there’s a lot of them, make it impossible to be anything else other than people speaking about me, such as when on the phone with someone else, and the plausible deniability behind my claims of what I acknowledge are reality, because of being labelled a schizophrenic. I then leave the positions in hopes of finding a new one where I’m not faced with the unhappiness of going through these potentially negative comments, even if done in the most light-hearted way, it’s something that I’ve learned to mostly hate. I’ve tried to explain similar situations to lawyers and have been told to seek an accommodation. I personally believe that requesting an accommodation in my case might defeat its own purpose, particularly when it involves professional advancement over the long run beyond the entry or associate level within the same company or organization. That’s one of the reasons why I’ve never gone through with completely requesting one. It's also a problem of the process of having to request an accommodation. I'm under the impression that you must identify the behavior that you need stopped. It could also be something that might be embarrassing as you might see.

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So, the problem seems to usually present itself as an employment ethics problem. I should mention that I don't personally intend to confront the comments as they come up because they regularly involve uncivilized terms and phrases. I consider myself to be a professional at work and consider a lot of what happens to be a demoralization or an attacking of character.

Some of it seems it could go back to the fact that I’ve been very fortunate to have received Veteran’s Compensation for a condition I’ve been diagnosed with. In fact, I’m rated at 100%. The fact is that I’m trying to replace and eventually forgo the compensation. Over time, I’ve learned that doing this too fast (multiple applications at a time) doesn’t work very well, and the long-term approach (getting a second master’s degree) might be unnecessary and potentially too long of a process. 

I believe that after someone obtains their education, someone should focus on certifications. (And it's taken me a long time to learn that.) I’m working on certifications now that will hopefully and eventually provide the opportunity to enter the workforce fulltime to provide my immediate family and I, outside of the service industry work that I’m currently involved with that might supplement some of the compensation. 

I’m a firm believer that just because some doctor or psychiatrist has diagnosed you with a condition you shouldn't be limited to advance and move forward in your life. I don't believe anyone trying to do the right thing should be limited for the rest of their life. People can improve their outlook and their lives, and move towards a better trajectory. Remember this.

“Life is amazing. And then it can be awful. And then it’s amazing again. The world isn’t against you nor is it out to get you. Everyone makes mistakes, despite that life is breathtakingly beautiful. We’re all human. Life also isn’t a problem to be solved, but work through your mistakes, believe in yourself, and plan for a future fulfilling the values of your forefather’s, along with God’s will. To have and to show integrity, service, humility, and respect. To grow and to also cultivate the lives of others. - Unknown

There's hope for the future...