Hi guys, 21F here. This is kinda long but, idk. Sorry for format I’m on mobile.

 I’ve been struggling with mental illness since I was younger &amp; have gone back and forth between treatment &amp; not being treated, being on meds &amp; not being on meds and things have just gotten 10000x worse in this last year, like they have for most. The last two months something massively negative has been building inside of me and I’ve had dissociative episodes on and off, been super anxious, super stressed, super depressed. Yesterday, I lost my job because I picked my physical health (a doctors apt I’ve had scheduled for a year) over a shift. I absolutely lost my shit. Like, I closed my eyes to relax after it happened and when I opened it, it was like a there was a crack in my brain &amp; something crazy seeped out. I sat up and it felt like the world turned upside down &amp; I didn’t know how to function.

I don’t really think it was about the job itself (it was an $8/hr retail job), but maybe the huge amount of disappointment I felt about myself &amp; the anxiety for the future it caused, idk. I was trying to talk to my dad and I just lost it. I felt like I was dying or was gonna pass out or lose control of my body, I could barely form a coherent thought or remember what my boss had literally just said to me 5 minutes prior, I was definitely having a panic attack. Today, I feel like I have this huge emotional hangover. I’ve had a migraine all day, my chest has been tight, I’ve been scared of having another panic attack, and now I can’t fall asleep.

I haven’t even wanted to talk about yesterday bc I’m afraid it may trigger something like it again (and it was terrifying, I thought I would have to go the ER), plus I can barely remember anything from yesterday including the 2.5 hr FaceTime I had with my dad, my mom &amp; my boyfriend both driving an hour to come see me (like what they said when they got here). I’m supposed to go to my boyfriends on Sunday and I really want to, but I just don’t really feel like I’m entirely here in my head. I feel spacey and weird and like I have to put forth extra effort to interact with anyone, even when my boyfriend &amp; parents have been texting me throughout the day I just haven’t had the energy or the mental capacity to say much back, which isn’t how I am as a person. I usually have a lot to say, think really quickly, love being around my family, would be overly eager &amp; excited to hang out with my boyfriend, so that’s why I’m pretty worried about myself. 

How can I feel like normal again? What should I do to take care of myself? What do I do about feeling like I can’t interact with my loved ones like my normal self? Please help. 

TL;DR
Lost my job &amp; it triggered some kind of panic attack/dissociative episode like never before which had been building for the past two months. I feel mentally drained, like I can’t interact with anyone coherently, can’t talk to the people I love like normal (which is VERY VERY OFF for me), had a migraine all day. Not looking forward to seeing my loved ones because I’m scared I won’t be able to think and speak and interact how I normally do. I feel empty &amp; afraid this won’t go away. 
How can I feel like normal again? What should I do to take care of myself? What do I do about feeling like I can’t interact with my loved ones like my normal self? Please help.