So with the holidays being what they are I’ve had lots of people asking me to go home for Christmas. But I refuse because of something that happened to me a couple years ago. I hate my hometown with a passion because it gives me anxiety to the point I’ve been suicidal and I’ve never talked about why to anyone aside from a few distant friends. Even my family doesn’t know. The other day I made a video that I posted on YouTube where I finally opened up about why I hate my hometown and won’t be going back for Christmas. The biggest reason was because my ex had told me that her brother abuses her and he’s a druggy as well as other things. There’s a lot of details to it but I know that she’d never report him even if she wanted to and tbh I don’t have any information about if she’s ok or if she’s getting help or even if this was something that was going on while we where together because she basically ghosted me and left me with so many unanswered questions. I developed ptsd and anxiety and depression after this and even spent hundreds of dollars on therapy. Not knowing if she was still being abused let my hatred for her brother grow to the point I think if I ever ran into him in person I’d go into a blind rage and beat him half to death. The anxiety from these thoughts have led me to the point I’ve been suicidal and I begged her just to tell me if she’s ok or if she got help but she continues to refuse to talk to me. So here after 2 years of feeling trapped I made this video where I talked about all these things that has happened to me and why I can’t go to see my family on Christmas because the anxiety would kill me. I turned comments off because I had a mix of some people saying dumb stuff and others being supportive. One of my friends though told me to take the video down or she’ll report it, we got into an argument and basically she said that if someone who knows her saw this video they might confront her and that might make her uncomfortable, and that I’m also exposing her brother as a druggy and abuser which isn’t cool. Quite frankly I couldn’t give a crap. If I had posted this video a week after she stopped talking then I’d agree this isnt ok but I’ve begged her just to tell me if she was ok, that’s all I wanted to know and I even told her I’d probably have to tell people this and I didn’t want to do that because I wanted to respect that it was her business only but it was driving me crazy being left without answers. I turned comments off because I saw one comment beginning with “she doesn’t have to tell you anything” which I think is dumb. She should’ve never told me that she was being abused if she had no intention of letting me help her. She knew I loved her and it’s still torture for me to imagine that and feel helpless. I made this video for no other reason then for people to finally know exactly why I act the way I do and am doing the things I’m doing because for the last few years I’ve felt trapped with this knowledge and I haven’t been able to get any support from friends and family. My friend who said she’d report it still told me that it doesn’t matter what I know, it’s not my place to exploit her abusive brother and stuff, despite the amount of suffering it’s caused me. I think that’s bull. Quit frankly I do hope that someone sees it and gets her the help she needs even if it does make her uncomfortable and like I said. I tried to give her multiple chances to let her at least have the decency to have a casual conversation and to let me know that she is ok but she said no.