I cant take it anymore, i have been single for 21 years, never had any relationship, never even held hands with a girl. Lately i have terrible cravings for love, holding hands, going outside, doing stuff together, for eachother, first sex etc. Id be okay with that if it wasnt for my best girl friend which i fell for 2 times already in 2 years, i even told her that i like her a lot but she doesnt want to lose me so she told me to stop catching feelings for her. She is perfect, i love her a lot but this is just hurting me so much... i saved 1000€ to go visit her next summer and celebrate my 22nd birthday together bcs i never had such a person in my life, id do anything for her. Im seeing her fall in love with someone else and i just cant live with it, im telling myself that its nothing and i will never have her, she is 6 years older than me, she lives very far away, i tell myself that there is many other cute girls that even live in my country, i dont even live alone anywas to have meaningfull relationship but nothing of this helps, i hope when i get to see her in summer i will have everything sorted out bcs i dont want to hurt her and myself + as a bonus my mom has huge back problems for over a year and my father hates me so theres that, i may be homeless in a year... thank you for listening to my meaningless rumble