I constantly strive to better myself and stay mindful. Whenever I try to rationalize a situation, I ask myself what I would have done before and what I'm considering doing now, to everything in between. This has caused me to choose the situation that I feel is the least BPD thing possible but in return, ends up being the most BPD thing I could have done. I don't fucking get it. I perceive myself to be a pretty complex person but to have my behaviour be so easily predicted by a doctor aggravates the shit out of me. 

Even looking at these comments, it's like we can all relate. We might as well all be the same person since we all react in a similar fashion. Also, I had a dream I got raped last night which sent me into a spiral of questioning if I actually ever did have any traumatic events happen to me. I guess I'll never know the answer to that. 