Hi. (27)M having on and off bouts with drinking and I'm worried about my future sober. So if this is long I would love some help understanding

I never drank until 21. I did smoke weed for 6 months in college and then just stopped for work. I turned 21 and just randomly started drinking. I'd pick up 90 proof 375ml schnapps after work and almost every day for a year. In 2015. I drank. The night I quit I had drunk some gummy soaked bears I think maybe 20 and drank.4 shots worth and went to.bed 8 hours of sleep
I went into.work and felt fine. First break comes and I walk outside for a cigarette. Ask my coworker for a light and as soon as I light the cigarette immediately felt a rush of being super messed up. Didn't even finish my cigarette. I could barely see/walk/ my vision was tunnel. Seemed kinda warped barely could focus. Did not talk to anyone. Thought I was losing myself Terrified. My body was going from hot to cold every other minute for about 6 hours. I didn't want to leave to.go.to.the hospital because I didn't want to get fired. I'd never experienced something like.that before. I felt like I was drugged. I asked the coworker if he had.something in.his.lighter fluid and he told.me.no. I slept mostly.the next 3 days and stopped drinking cold. Body was stiff. Anxiety and paranoia was so bad. Everytime I sneezed or cracked my bones or back I'd get an insane head rush. Coughs did the same thing. Sometimes I would be shaky/ dizzy/ foggy/out of it hours after coughing and anxiety. I was scared I would pass out and watched the clock for weeks. Coughed up a lot of black stuff from years of smoking. My mom passed away a month later after I was admitted to the hospital to be diagnosed with anxiety. My girlfriend pressured me to see a therapist and get on meds so I could go to work and live after those 2 months. Ended up quitting the job due to them not letting me bury my mother February 4th 2016. I went to the doctors for about 6 months and I never was treated well due to not having insurance and paying out of pocket so I had to stop seeing a lot of doctors. I stayed sober for about 1 year and some odd months but have this underlying feelings that I'll be exposed to that experience again which was completely awful. Brain scans showed no sign of stroke or brain issue. I have terrible anxiety and paranoia from that experience and it has caused me.to not want to go out and eat hang out with friends and or touch items at the store or in general Due to the experience coming back. I never asked the person before or after to share his lighter. Some days are better than others. Sometimes it's hard to eat for fear of feeling that way again and has caused me great misery. I used to wake up and ready to go now I wake up and have rituals so I cam keep everything to a low for fear of panic. Another common issue with that experience is the back of my head is always tingly and or slight burning. Can become more with a panic attack or general anxiety. I have intense attacks were my body goes limp now and have an insane amount of fear to people who are on drugs or do them. I relapsed for about another 1 year in 2017 and when I quit the 2nd time it was nothing like that first time. So much easier. I felt like I ruined my mind. Before I never had anxiety for any issues. It's been almost 5 years with ups and downs, constant headaches and pressure and I'm still thinking about that event that has really me upset still. Been sober over a year now and dont plan on stopping just needing some help because doctors told me I would be okay in 3 months and it's been years. Sorry for long read. I'm now thinking about it years later again and trying to figure out why. Closure I guess. And if it really gets better after more time.sober.or do I need to try and find another doctor will I ever forget that experience. Will it not effect me eventually. Will time fix the mind and stop the thoughts. Was this all due to heavy drinking for a year. Thank you so much. Im.glad I found this sub. I've been reading a lot and.has helped me so much in being sober.