i havent been diagnosed but my boyfriend seems to think i have borderline personaliity disorder 
because im paranoid and cant trust him 
my past consists of abandonment 
my brothers got taken into care when i was 14 and my youngest who i cared for the most was adopted straight away and i havent seen him since 
iv lived with my grandma since i was 4 because of my mum and dad always arguing 
my grandad who lived with us died whe i was 6 
my mum and dad broke up after my dad went insane accusing my mum of cheating etc he was later diagnosed with schizophrenia 
he came to live wih us i was 11 and i needed my personal space as it was a 1 bedroom flat 
we argued a lot etc 
i got bullied a lot at school too 
when i was 15 i ended up i hospital getting an operation on my hip my dad came in and i told him to f off becausei hated him 
11 months later he dies due to C.O.P.D my grandma had taken seizures and was in and out hospital that night as i was in bed grnamda was in the same room and she had taken another seizure i wanted to phone an ambulance and was all scared etc dad said it was ok we would see to her in the morning but i couldnt i got so scared i went to mums and stayed with her the next morning we tried getting in contact and no one was answering so when we went round i walked into go pee and my dad was lying on the bathroom floor not moving or breathing his hands were blue we phoned an ambulance and they pronounced him dead iv felt guilty ever since 
the nex day my grandma took another seizure and ended in hospital and was told it was a slight heart attack so my mum was working my dad was dead and my grandma was in hospital and i had no friends so who did i have to talk to No one stuck in the house where he died by myself 
going to school and back to the empty house alone 

since then ive had 6 boyfriends my 3 previous bfs have all cheated on me and im so paranoid about my current boyfriend 
my phone is always logged into his facebook 
i dont want him talking to other girls incase he cheats 
but even despite that i still think hes cheating 
maybe he has another facebook account etc 
i see him at the weekends and weekends only not duri the week 
he never wants to go on any dates or aything he just doesnt wanna see me mainly because he has ADD (attention defisite disorder) 
but it makes me panic 
when i think of him and his past girlfriends he always seemed happy with them but doesnt seem happy at all with me he never watches movies by himself due to his lack of concentration so when i suggest watchig a movie its all no i dont want to i just want to play my games so while he plays his games im stuck at his being bored and then if we do watch a movie it has to be his choice and then if theres a movie i wanna watch he'll say he's already watched it when it came out when we were together so who has he been waching it with??
i don't even want him going out by himself incase he meets a girls hes been with or fancied and ends up dumping me for them or like the others cheats on me 
these feelings scare me and its destroying my happiness 
im scared to let go because we've been going out for 2 years and im scared that if i lose him i wont find anyone else who can understand me and stay with me for that long :( 

(sorry about the bad spelling and grammar been crying as i type this)
