Ever since i(20m) went out of school i'm depressed, but it just feels like everything is getting worse and worse, for the past few months i thought maybe i wasn't depressed anymore, because i didn't think about suicide everyday anymore, but it was just like a calm before the storm, i recently started a new job and went to college, and it just feels like my life dropped to the lowest low ever

I work as a attendant at a Lumber yard, my job isn't bad, i don't really do anything for 95% of the time and i can just browse the internet, but the fact that i have to wake 7am, prepare and go to work, and i'm only really free at 7pm just kills me, because of that i decided to start studying so i could maybe get a decent paying part-time job, but it just made everything worse, reason being that i was never happy and i know i won't ever be happy, so it just feels like i'm studying and will have to spend 4 years of my life(Bachelor's Degree) just so my life goes from being 100% trash to 99% trash

I don't really see a point in living, only reason i don't want to just kill myself right now is my family and friends, but i still think about suicide every day, actually not every day, every minute, there isn't a single moment where i'm happy, or even neutral now, and it's becoming progressively worse, i could always hide my depression decently well, i didn't want to talk about it with my parents cause i know they can't do much about it(and i'm not even sure they would try), but now my depression is becoming physical, i'm visibly shaking sometimes, I randomly cry throughout the day even in front of other(though i just turn my back to them and go away before they notice), I feel pain in my chest and i'm having problems breathing.

Sorry for writing too much about my own personal life i just wanted to throw it out of my chest a little bit, i'll try to get the courage to talk atleast to my mom about it, i'm getting to a point where i'm stopping to care about worrying my family's opinions, my desire to kill myself is starting to overcome my fear of being a disappointment  to them