I've been severely splitting from my partner from a good couple of months now but honestly those couple of months feel like years. 
Every day I want to leave him but I can't face to be alone and what if my life goes downhill when I leave? What if he was suppose to be the man I spend the rest of my life with? What if this is all just a rough patch? But I can't force myself to be with anymore, I'm so tired. I take care of his every needs and work so hard to provide for him while he's jobless but I'm so worn out. I want out. 
He doesn't want a family now, but I do. I want to be with someone who will take care of me and provide for me while I make a beautiful child for us. Is that selfish? All I want is a family. I'm almost 25 and I don't care about travelling while I'm young or experiencing new things or having a house on my own. I just want to be comfortable and raising a family. 

But yesterday when I found out I was pregnant (unplanned) my partner immediately said termination. 
I can't do that. I was forced into a termination last year by an abusive ex that forced me to be pregnant and when I told him I was scared to be a mum he told me to take my baby and fuck off. Then used his manipulation to bring me back and force me to terminate it. I regret it every day. 
Now I really hate my partner. I can't talk to him and have an open discussion about our child. He just flat out says to get rid of it. 
I'm so hurt and so alone. I can't have a termination just for someone else, that's not right. 
I am so alone.
