Hello, I'm in the worst place I have ever been in my life. I've been suffering from painful headaches for a month and I'd start to numb myself out, the doctor prescribed me a antidepressant to help the pain. I took this once at a very low dose and I started to panic, I had insomnia for the next weeks and hardly slept, I worry all the time it has dulled my emotions and given me PSSD because I can't feel emotions as strongly, feel dissasociated from others and the world, can't feel happy, and I can't feel my genitals (this has happened before though) or have romantic desires. I cannot handle stress at all, when my mum was shouting at me I really wanted to end my life, and she hit me over the head and I had a complete breakdown. But she has been very nice since. 

My head always hurts and I feel agitated, I can't feel emotions properly, I have intense anxiety and everyday I wake up my chest hurts, I feel like I've lost everything and the person I was before is not coming back. Before I was happily playing video games with my friends and eager to talk to the boy I like. Studying things and motivated to create things and go out and exercise. Now I feel like a terrible person that cannot feel emotions properly, can't love others, that can't recover from lack of sleep, with no motivation to do anything, like I altered my brain for the worst by taking an antidepressant, and I should probably die because I don't see any other way out or to recover from this. But I still have so much I wish I could do and a story I wanted to make to help others.

I know I am thinking so negatively but can anyone really recover from a place like this? What if the drug induced a lack of emotions? I'm so tired and agitated I don't know how to go on. I don't want to upset anyone, I always wanted to love and help others and create things that would help others, and now I am in a hole so deep I wonder if I'm gone for good. I always replay in my head if I never took the pill and I would have never lost all this sleep and none of this would have happened, I could have carried on and gotten better- went back to my studies and got a job with all the confidence I had. Handled all the stress and not been affected by it. Because nothing else would knock me down this far with no hope of me recovering other than a brain injury or a mental illness (and maybe that's what I caused here big time, I don't even know if I am being so paranoid and anxious over something that must seem so small) or if I did something terrible. I can't think properly at all, it feels like my brain is dying and before it was the sharpest it had ever been and I was so excited about that because it meant I would do great at the job I always wanted.

Could I use such a deep hole to help me become a better person? There are people like Ghost and Steven Hawking who have it tough and still carry forward. If I could ever recover and maybe if I could catch up on the sleep would I be better?