Tl;dr... 32, bpd and anxiety will not let me trust my (first real) girlfriend of a year. Fighting not to call it quits and isolate myself. 

Hey all, I need some insight from someone who may have gone through what I'm going through right now. 

History.. diagnosed a year ago, makes a lot of sense. Used to be homeless, a wreck, full blown bpd for sure, through mindfulness  fitness etc. I've become more functioning. I have a job  just graduated college  and started my first relationship 11 months ago to this day. 

I have always had extreme trust issues, was a foster kid, toxic relationships etc etc. I go to DBT weekly, even though its online.

My question... has anybody ever been in a relationship where they had to really struggle through the first couple of year to begin to trust? My mind refuses to let me trust my girlfriend. We communicate, ahes very supportive and doesnt seem to be going anywhere. But my mind is constantly looking out for lies, and finding them where they may never have been. This puts me into a constant state of fight or flight, and it's very uncomfortable for us. 

I usually run at this point, but this girl and I seem so compatible on paper, and we get along great when I'm level headed, but at what point should I be able to trust her? Everything is a lie in my head, and I want to run away so bad. I know I'll regret it, and probably wont look for another girlfriend. 

Anybody been through this? Shoot me a msg, I'd really appreciate it.