
 –First, let me apologize, I'm french and I had to stop school soon because of my mental illnesses, so, sorry for my bad English–

 I'm desperate... I'm just afraid of my future...
If you look at my social networks, you'll probably think that I'm a confident and a totally sane person... 
I have a depression, general anxiety disorder, social phobia, ptsd, eating disorder, borderline disorder and some others shhty illnesses (everything is diagnosed by a psychiatrist and I have medication). I can't go out alone. I'm afraid of EVERYTHING. 

  I had very good grades in school –even though I was rarely present– but I was too ill to continue so I try to work. I worked only two weeks —instead of one month– 
 And I had to be hospitalized for one whole freaking year. These two weeks literally "drained" me. I was just an empty shell. A crying void. 

  My ex called me a lazy parasite because I receive every month a disabled allowance ( grant? Pension? I don't know what is the good term in English sorry) ... Sometimes I think he is right. 

  I really want to become an Illustrator or a comic artist but I'm quite pessimistic since it's hard to make a living with this job :/

All I wanted was a normal life, I wanted to have degrees. I wanted to work in physics or electronics...but I have to face reality, I can't.

I'm mentally ill. I don't know what I will become and I'm only 20.

Please don't tell me "You're young".
That's the problem, I'm young, and I couldn't build a future like the others do. My future is unknown. 

I just hope, that's everything will be alright...

Thanks for reading me.

Stay safe folks &lt;3