My brain has decided to have me stuck in this state of apathy and self-pity for a good few weeks now.

I mean, I've always been very negative about myself, life, the people around me, the situations I'm in... I just live with it and keep going, you know.

However over the last 2-4 weeks, I've lost interest in anything that makes me get out of bed or excites me. I keep watching sit-coms cos they're the only way I can have a laugh, but I've barely left the house if not for work, which I haven't had in the last week, ordered takeaway cos I was too lazy to cook, being very unproductive and ruminating about current and past events.

I've got no virtually no friends, maybe only like 2-3 people who are willing to put up with the mess I am. One of them has been asking me to hang out, she only wants me to go meet at their place or go do things they enjoy doing. I'm not down for either.

Another has been messaging asking what's happening with me, why I've been absent and not gotten in touch. I just don't have the energy to be around them cos all I feel like doing is complaining about my life and how unhappy I am, and as much as they say I can talk to them, I am a burden to myself for listening me complaining, so I just prefer shut myself down by not seeing anyone.

My mum same, she'd bring up how I never call, she doesn't know what goes inside my head and I always have to act together in front of her cos otherwise she'd worry, but also if I were totally honest and open she wouldn't understand and downplay what I'm going through. So I'd just rather not talk to her.

Been trying to re-organise my room for days. It's a mess still, I just have too much stuff I can't get rid of and have a small space and no clever storage solution to help me deal with it.

I would say this all makes me sad, but I can't really even feel sadness right now, I just feel empty, there's a voice(mine) in my head that's keeps telling me "what's the point?!" about anything.

It's Friday night, I would love to have plans to go out and enjoy the weekend, but this hasn't happened in a while, other than few isolated occasions, but as much as I would love to have plans, I know that if someone asked me to go out right now I'd decline cos I can't bring myself to put together an outfit, or put on a face, or do my hair, let alone being around people.

Gym isn't helping either, I go for literally 2 exercises and I'm exhausted, I've not gone today cos I just can't bring myself to it.

Someone please help me snap out of it. Or don't... But thanks for reading anyway.