I really fucking depressed I have been since at least 13 I’m 18 now but this year has been the worst one yet. I never really have thoughts about offing myself though. I’ll say it in anger or when I’m really upset but I don’t think I’d actually go through with it . I feel bad for wanting to actually attempt but not die just so people give a shit or realise how bad I feel. I was just sitting in my living room imagining jumping out the upstairs window and whether that would off me or not. Probably not , I feel like I would actually do that but I’m scared of the pain which sounds so ironic considering my arms and legs r littered in sh . Anyway I don’t think I’m su1cidal but I do catch myself with these thoughts sometimes . I’m worried that as I get older and if I don’t feel better that I might actually go through with it one day