Everything I touch turns to shit. The only comforting fact is my slip ups and meltdowns have grown more tame each time. 

I’ve learned how to let people go, over the years. I always fuck up somehow in a way that I later regret. After each episode there’s always a moment where it becomes clear to me — the things I say and my behavior aren’t acceptable in a normal social setting. Then I’m buried by guilt, grief and humiliation. 

I’m starting to feel like it might not be the worst thing if I never fit into society. Not yet anyway because some of my shit is out of hand. So now I’m stepping away from another group that I love after ruining my friendship with my favorite person. This time I’ve done it. I think this is the final domino that’s pushed me to go back to therapy. I can’t keep going through this cycle of finding new people every year and making a fool out of myself

For now I’ll just keep to myself and focus on getting better. 

Thanks needed to get this off my chest.