I have been diagnosed with depression at age 10. More recently I was diagnosed again with uni and bipolar depression as well as generalized anxiety disorder.

I always thought my dad might be BPD because of the way he acts: very drastic mood changes, extreme reactions to things, abusive tendencies.

But for the first time today I considered that I might be BPD. I took an online test that indicated I show severe signs of BPD. But are these things ever accurate? And I haven't been diagnosed by my therapists yet. But I feel like my depression stretches way past just being depressed.

I am constantly scared of commitment to people, but I seek the validation and attention. I can change my opinion about people I care about instantly. I get annoyed and angry very easily. I feel like I can't connect emotionally to people anymore. It's like I only want to socialize when I have the energy. Which I rarely have. I sleep all day. I am scared that people dislike me and want to spite me all the time. I assume the worst for every situation. I don't know who I am anymore. I see the world and myself in a very distorted, unstable light. I get jealous at people living normally or improving in life. But I also tend to be very apathetic. 

The worst part is I wasn't like this 2 years ago. I cared deeply about people. I had a clear vision of where I was headed in life. I was pretty active and ambitious. 

It could just be severe depression. I don't know. I haven't seen a therapist in a long time because I feel like it doesn't help.