This is something I struggle to admit even to myself. However, I have a bad attachment to my childhood/adult trauma. Where, if I see someone having a life I deem "better" or in a "good" place mentally I shut down. I ideally want people in my life who can relate to me or is suffering similarly the way I do. I have this friend who is super sweet and we have been chatting for a while. Though we still talk, I notice I would lash out simply because I was jealous of his good childhood. It wasn't fair to him nor myself to project my feelings onto him. My feelings are my responsibility to deal with. So, probably in self sabotoge, I have been distancing myself from him. When I am having a moment, instead of running to tell him I just say "I am not feeling well" or "I need a break" or I might not reply at all. 

I understand this isn't a healthy way to live. So far I do have friends who can relate trauma wise, although I have friends who may have had things easier. But this obsession with trauma is killing me. I just wish I had a life so many people take for granted. Thats all.