It feels like it's been forever, I guess I am realizing how exhausting it can be to apply skills without a therapist walking me through it or a group to come back to every week. It's especially strange because while I rarely participated in group, it did become oddly comforting after awhile. I've had a lot of outbursts and having to check the facts, do opposite action, etc. It's so hard to not feel like my life is a chore when I have to manually guide myself through every interaction.

I still struggle so much with emptiness. Everything I do feels like I have no purpose. I always feel so anxious about having enough time to sit at home, watch TV and smoke weed. It's the only thing that brings me comfort. Weirdly enough I've stopped c\*tting myself but I feel like my self-harm has kind of come up in other ways like isolating myself and impulsive stuff like shoplifting. I'm waiting an ED assessment so I guess I'll be seeing someone again somewhat soon. I just feel so lifeless.