How can one be loved so much by family, friends, co-workers and even your own fiance... yet be so lonely at the same time? 
Never in my life have I felt so much more lonely. 
I have a good job, I have a stable home, 3 cats, loving family, lots of friends, I am doing okay in school and yet.... I am not satisfied. 
I feel as though everyone is doing better than me even though I have lots to give and offer. 

Never do I feel that I am the number one person in someone's life, and when I did for just a moment.... they were the one who got away, never to be seen or spoken to again due to my envy. I seem to push away the ones who actually care the most. 
I reflect too much in the past and I don't look into the future, though I am told it will be bright. 

I dont know if I am making the right decision to get married next year to someone who doesnt feel like home anymore due to my own mistakes, to continue nursing school barely passing with Cs, to continue to tell my family my issues that will never get resolved, how I am gonna get out of debt and most importantly how I will ever be happy. 

Thank you for reading this. I just needed somewhere that wasn't my journal to let this out. 
I'm just very tired.