I typed a whole thing before this but my phone died right as I got to the end, here’s a shorter version lol. 
I was getting super stressed leading up to the point when I had a fever/vertigo/ confusion which caused a massive panic attack that lasted all night, since then I have been sensitized to anxiety &amp; get triggered by anything. Some days are worse than others but the interrupted sleep has been wild. I’ll go to bed exhausted &amp; wake up a few hours later with a racing heart &amp; shakes. I brew some camomile, eat a boiled egg &amp; watch David diashs panic attack video which helps a lot to get back to bed, most times it works if I don’t have racing thoughts. In the last week I started to get an intrusive thought while I was out walking listening to a podcast that scared me shitless where I signed up for betterhelp right away(have canceled since they were unresponsive or copy pasted responses)
The words murder &amp; kill came to my mind &amp; I just lost it with panic. Im someone who can’t watch crime shows because they make me sick &amp; uncomfortable. &amp; especially with today’s news, it just makes me hate myself. Well it’s been a week now &amp; I’m afraid I made it a habit because I fought it so much that when it’s gone, I check to see if it’s still there. I checked the intrusive harm posts here which triggered me to think like kill [name] or these people at the store. When I’m well into talking to someone these thoughts go away but I’ve been stuck in my head for a while now. Will this ever go away? When? I have so much free time &amp; I feel so alone &amp; isolated which I know contributed to this anxiety. Also issue is that i have very reduced hours from the pandemic so I’m looking for a new job &amp; even volunteer work to fill me time. I feel very fragile right now, &amp; just riddled with anxious nerves. I had a goal to finish my math program to get back into school before I turn 27 &amp; had so much pressure &amp; told so many  of my goal that it took a hit in my confidence when I realized I couldn’t make it. I’m starting to lose confidence in the tools to stop my anxiety &amp; I need reassurance I’m not going crazy &amp; what I can do to help alleviate some of this.. I ordered the Claire weekes books which should be here soon but it just feels like everything is over stimulating my anxiety where I can’t even watch Netflix or be on insta. Hopefully tonight I sleep well but my physical anxious symptoms have changed when I accept them into more uncomfortable like how my arms are tingly