  I went to a weekly religious group for a local church I go to, its for people high school aged mostly. I met my best friend, and a girl there who I dated for a few months, which was my first ever relationship, but I don't talk to anymore after a pretty emotionally harmful breakup for me. I mostly went for socializing.

Its a year later now, and after not having it for the majority of 2020 and some of this year due to covid, I kinda don't want to go anymore, or at least not as much. I don't really feel like I could connect or find any friendship with any of the newer people, or even people who I had trouble connecting with before,  and I really don't find it useful for any religious growth I'd need.

To top it all off, I'm admittedly anxious around my ex girlfriend, and her boyfriend who she brings that I sense hostility from towards me. I really dislike and feel uncomfortable being around her after everything that happened between me and her.

So all this, me not really liking much of the people there anymore, not finding any value out of the religious discussion, and the simple fact it's sorta toxic for me with my ex, I really don't have any reason to go, and it's perfectly fine and understandable for me not to.

But i'm still bothered by it. maybe in a way I feel as if I'm backing down from some sort of a challenge of facing her. And maybe I also feel like I'd ever miss out on anything to do with other people there. But I know that I've gotten any sort of personal growth ive needed out of the group, and no longer need to go there. Theres so many other goals for me to focus on for me to grow, that going there seems so insignificant and useless. especially when I know it's only starting to become more harmful for me as time passes.

I know too that I've long since gotten over her, and the scar is still there from the breakup, but it only bothers me when I see her, and think about her, I think its healthy of me to not want to be around someone who hurt me badly, no matter how much I've grown from it.

It's such a small thing to worry about, and it has an easy way to fix, but it's still on my mind.