So this Friday my family was supposed to eat sushi, but my mom canceled it, and as we all know small things like this can be hard for someone w bpd so I had a meltdown. This is just where it all started, and I can’t believe I got so mad over a small thing but I guess I can’t help it. So we didn’t really talk the rest of that day because I was mad.

The day after my mom, stepdad and stepdads sister were supposed to go on a trip, and I ruined it all so they had to unbook it, which I didn’t intend on doing but it was my fault it happen. I texted my mom that morning and said something like “I’ve been feeling worse the past days” and her response threw my off and I told her it feels like she doesn’t care about me (this is a feeling I have with everyone, and if someone says they do my brain says they’re lying). We didn’t talk the whole day either but at the dinner table she started screaming at me, telling me I ruined everything, how I make everyone around me miserable and that I don’t try to get better, mental health wise.

The day after she tried to talk to me and I thought maybe she would apologize for some of the things she said but she didn’t, I couldn’t get any words out so I wrote her a paper note. I haven’t gotten a response to it but we’ve said a few words to each other.

I don’t think it’s ever gonna be like before and I think I should leave this house because I make everyone miserable.