I did really well in school and thought that would get me far. I didn't think about making friends or networking because those were my weak points and I had to focus on what I was good at. Went to college, got a degree in goddamned Creative Writing. I've been bending the truth a bit, saying it's an English degree, both for identity reasons and so it sounds less ridiculous, but I don't care anymore. It \*is\* ridiculous. Especially since I don't even want to be a copywriter anymore after trying to write for other people for a year. I got burnt out on it and gave up. I still wanted to work in publishing but all the publishing houses are in NYC and I can't afford to move to that area. 

I did manage to move out despite everything, but three months in I got fired from my warehouse job because I couldn't get there on time. I could blame burnout or the fact that I developed plantar fasciitis, but I've powered through worse things before. I should have powered through. 

Maybe I ran out of whatever allowed me to power through, and now I'm left with no network, my friends all in the same floundering place I am, my family are coming to visit me for my birthday and they say they still love me but I wonder how long that will last. 

I can't even get a job at the local fast food places because either their websites don't work or I'm forced to tell them why I lost my previous job and they immediately reject me. 

I'm also too ugly to do sex work, although sadists might like that I have vaginismus which makes penetration painful. Maybe that can be my thing. 

That seems like the only thing I have left to offer the world anymore.