Any time I’m in a new relationship, I morph my personality into theirs and completely dissolve who I think I am in order to fit their world. Even if that means latching on to very extremely different interests, clothing, hairstyle, way of talking. 

I think the worse is when I see my SO like a picture on social media of someone else, and then I suddenly change my personality to match hers because I assume it’s who I need to be, if she is gaining attention instead of me. 

Not sure if this is just a *me* issue or something a lot of people with BPD feel they experience but it’s been incredibly debilitating and damaging for my sense of self. This inevitably damages my own career, other friendships and relationships, and mental health even more. 

It’s devastating because I feel as though I am being punished for wanting love. I’ve always felt as though I could never find love because of my BPD, and so I try to waver my personality and sense of self to adjust and adapt in order to hold people on longer. It all comes down to fear of abandonment but it is especially tough in quarantine times, no matter how communicative I am with my partner. 

Sending love to everyone right now. The world is harsh.