I mean it's not like my life was free of negative stuff prior to the illness but I feel like things got worse after developing the illness. In particular I've been cursed with terrible jobs and no love life at all. It feels kind of strange or odd because in my psychotic episodes I felt like I was battling a demiurgic entity that was controlling aspects of my life. I feel like there is a reason why I'm frequently encountering negative crap in my life. I feel like it's no mere coincidence.

I know it's easier to blame the universe for all the crap in my life instead of taking responsibility but I don't know. I feel like the illness nerfed me in so many ways which may explain why I'm having a harder time solving life's problems.