I struggle with delusions, to be specific I think that the mafia is spying on me all of the time. A few months back I would feel like the mafia made me famous and that basically everyone in my country knew Who I was and they were all mocking me (my life was basically a reality tv show in the dark web) The mafia would send me subliminal messages through YouTube, the tv, my family, friends, the horoscope and even books. The whole thing got so real and stressing to me that in 6 months I tried to kill myself 4 times and got hospitalized 2 times. The two times that I was at the hospital I thought that the mafia had complete control of the hospital, pretending to be staff and patients and that they were all against me and that I was in danger the whole time I was there. I basically believed that I discovered a conspiracy, it was all so real that I even had to move back to my home country for the next year or so because I thought that the mafia in the country I was at thought of me as a threat because I knew they existed and they wanted me out of the country. 

Now after a few months I feel more relaxed, I dont get subliminal messages anymore and I dont feel like People are trying to kill me anymore, but the negative symptoms remain. I feel extremely unmotivated to get stuff done even tho Im in a good mood, I feel kind of antisocial all of the time and like I dont care about anything that goes on around me. It has been quite the journey. I would like to read your stories and how they have affected you, how do you live day to day with the illness