I went to rehab in 2016 and got treated for my BPD. I was put on the right medicine and went through so much therapy and have truly felt better and normal the past few years. I don’t know where it all went wrong but a couple months ago I just started feeling so sad and so helpless. One night I got drunk and decided to cut myself which I haven’t done in a very long time. From then on I’ve went back and forth with suicidal thought everyday all day. My friendships seem to be falling apart. I’m upset and im helpless. I feel like I need to be admitted honestly but I’m still an essential worker and can’t afford to miss work. I’m so sad guys. I feel like I was doing so well and now I’m distraught. My anxiety is also sky rocketing. Day by day it’s just getting worse. I don’t have any friends to talk to. The one I did have did things that would make her happy at the expense of my emotions. I’m alone. I’m sad. And I’m coming to the realization this is going to be my life.