This is my first time posting something like this to Reddit. I feel as though a lot of my problems seem like nothing to the people around me. I tell them what’s wrong and they don’t seem to care. I know it may sound stupid but my dream is to live a basic life, maybe get married and have a family someday. I want to be successful too. These things seem to be unreachable now and I feel as though it’s all my fault. I left home at 17 before I even graduated due to my mentally abusive stepfather who was getting a little too touchy at the time. My mother decided to cut me off and wants nothing to do with me. My two older brothers side with her and don’t really talk to me either. I live with my aunt but when I tell her about my insecurities she doesn’t seem to understand. She doesn’t know what it’s like to hate yourself. She’s always been so confident (I wish I could be like that). Anyways, I wasn’t able to go to the university that I wanted to go to because my mother wouldn’t sign saying that the information provided was true so J lost all federal aid. I ended up having to apply to a community college last minute. I didn’t like my classes very much and my teachers were horrible. I ended up failing 3 of my classes and ended the year with a 1.5 GPA. For context, in high school I finished with a 3.6 and was rank 78 in my class out of 298. I was not used to failure. My stress acne has come back. I have huge cysts on my face which only makes me feel worse. I’m 19 and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve tried dating apps but the people on there aren’t really the type of people you would want to date. This only makes my insecurities worse. I’ve never been the most confident person. I think I might have body dysmorphia although I’m not going to diagnose myself. I can barely look in a mirror with out feeling like I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I’m the most hideous person I know. I think that’s probably why no one’s ever liked me. All I do ever say is go to work, come home, listen to music, and cry. I can’t even feel the joy in the games I used play anymore. I just feel like staring at the wall most of the time. I work at Subway. I have to take a semester off to redo my FAFSA. I still won’t qualify for federal aid but I’ll at least be able to take out a loan. I’m going to try to go to a university and do something that’s easier for me. I still can’t help but feel as though it’s a waste of time. What if I fail again? I’ve told my friend these feelings over and over again when ever I get like this, but I think she’s sick of hearing it. I’ve started sleeping through my alarms. I can’t bring myself to get up anymore. I left home to be happy but I can’t help but think my stepdad was right. The problem will follow me everywhere I go because the problem is me.