I'm feeling more "depressed" lately. I write in quotes because I don't want to anger anyone dealing with an actual episode of depression or chronic depression. It's like I feel dead inside and can't get myself to do anything but the most basic things, then I stand up and dance to the bathroom because I really feel like it and then I break down again and am back where I started again. If I get a text from my FP I'll be very happy and the past few days I have also daydreamed a lot about him but I'm trying not to obsess too much because I really want to give us a chance to get together and not fuck everything up beforehand already.

So here I am. I should do some work for university. I should have some walk outside. I want to make music, write a book, work on a research project, continue learning a language and get a haircut. But it's all so freaking overwhelming that I don't get a single thing done and I kind of lack the energy to really pursue any of these things. I physically almost can't sit, which is another issue which will only resolve with a lot of patience. I should do something because all is better than laying around all day and being annoyed by my family when they do get home, but I really can't decide what of these things to do. I can't get myself to do anything. Also the physical limitation makes it kind of suck even more. I don't have more ideas than go for a slow walk or spend time on the laptop, but even on the laptop I can't get myself to do something interesting because it just feels like too much and I don't know what to do either.