I’ve always avoided everything as a form to ease my anxiety. I got tired of that and started going to therapy to confront a lot of what I was feeling. Now I’ve talked about a lot of things with my therapist and I’m pretty open to her. However one thing I’ve began to feel more and more that I cannot bare to admit to her that how pathetic I feel I am. I’ve always told myself that I would be okay on my own and find my way through the world. My mom would constantly berate me on how lonely I am as I spend my days constantly at home. I would always tell her that’s how I am and I liked it. And I believed that for a long time and felt happy. But the more I learn about myself is that I crave to do stuff, go out with friends. I have such low self confidence I stayed away from so many people. I often feel so ugly not only physically but also personality wise. Im always hesitant to say stuff and have barely any interests anymore. I have acquaintances but not close friendships and I can clearly see why. I just wanna go back to pretending I was okay with my life.