I have 3 kids (2 stepsons and my daughter). The oldest boy steals things all the time and tells me I purposely set him up to get him into trouble. Now I know that’s not true and he’s gaslighting me (his therapist said he’s likely a narcissist but cannot diagnose him as a minor) but often I wonder if my words or actions could be seen that way. 

Today I found my hoodie that I’ve been looking for in his room, next to his bed. Clearly worn by him (his cologne smell is all over it). I asked him why he took it and of course his answer is he didn’t. This hoodie is special to me and I’ve had it for many years. My sister got it for me 7 years ago and it was the last time she had been in my state, other than our mother’s funeral two years ago. 

This boy and his brother never respect my things. They always take my things and eat my food that I buy specifically for me. I buy them their own favorite foods and things but once they used up all theirs they go right for mine. They go for their dad’s stuff too. I’ve talked to them about how we respect their stuff and it’s not right they keep doing this. Of course they start screaming and yelling about how unfair I am. They’ve called me abusive because I won’t let them just have whatever they want. 

I want to tell them exactly how I feel about it but they’re only 13 and 16 so I feel like it’s not appropriate. I feel so disrespected by them every day. My daughter does most of the chores and she doesn’t take things that aren’t hers. They always try to bring her into it and then mock her for being “perfect”. She’s not perfect, but she’s not a liar and a thief. 

Am I overreacting? Is this a BPD feeling or am I in the right? I can’t help but feel betrayed every time and I know kids are kids. But this feels extreme.