I've developed a crush on a woman I work with and it's getting sort of unhealthy. I almost never speak to her, but internally I'm becoming obsessed. I stare at her during the lunch break, I think about her literally all the time, and pretty much my whole week revolves around the few times we briefly see each other while changing classes (I work at a school). But it's a completely unattainable crush; she's a lot older than me, and most likely married and straight. But I still can't get over the "what if?" It's already gone from just a fun work crush to borderline painful. I get this pang in my chest whenever I see her talking to anyone, I feel insanely jealous of the other teaching assistants who get to work with her, I've even already started self-harming to cope with my feelings. 

I feel so crazy and ashamed for having such intense feelings for someone I barely know (I only just learned her name last week). This is how it always goes; I develop a crush on someone and they become the complete center of my world. And getting over people is so difficult; last year there was a guy I hooked up with twice, and literally I only just got over him, partly because I have feelings for someone else now. There's another guy who I just had a one-night-stand with, and when he ghosted me after a week, I spent all day in bed sobbing, even though he had literally just been a one-night-stand. I mean, I'm sure this is the same for everyone to some degree, but for me I feel like once I'm crushing on someone, they're my sole reason for living. And I'm aware of how out of proportion and insane my feelings are, which makes me feel even worse. 

I know that I should just try to forget about her and move on, but it's really hard. Not only have I lost interest in pretty much every other person I was previously attracted to, but as painful as this crush is, the idea of *not* getting the emotional high whenever I see her, or of not thinking about her whenever I'm not at work, makes me feel even worse? Life just feels so meaningless and boring without someone to obsess over . I've tried reminding myself that she's just a person with flaws and problems like everyone else, that I barely know her, all that. People always tell me "just don't think about them," whenever I complain about having an impossible crush, but that's just never worked for me. Is it really that easy for people? To just not think about the person they're attracted to? I just struggle to believe it's that easy. I try distracting myself, but literally everything comes back to thoughts of her.