This is my first post here and I just am looking for any kind of advice about what I’m going through. I’m a male in my late 30s and have been dealing with bad anxiety since my wife got pregnant 4 years ago. 

This anxiety has become much more intense over the last several months and I have had many panic attacks at night (I’ve always been prone to insomnia as it is) and had a stretch of 5 days where I slept maybe 5 hours total, if that. This happened after both my wife and I returned to work after working from home. 

After that point, my primary care doctor, who I have been seeing for years and I think is very thorough and thoughtful, prescribed me 5mg of lexapro and also gave me a 30 pill supply of .5mg klonopin to use as needed.

Being anxious, I did way too much research into the medications, but I have used both. I have been on lexapro at 5mg for over 2 months and have tried to use the klonopin as sparingly as possible. I found the .5mg klonopin to be strong and have used doses of .25mg and even .125mg and found them to be helpful enough when needed. 

After starting the lexapro, I did have some minor side effects, but was mostly ok. I don’t know if I felt less anxious but I did start sleeping better eventually and had a stretch of about 3 weeks where I slept fine and only had 1 panic attack where I used some klonopin (was worried I had covid).

I also started seeing a LCSW for therapy once a week and have worked on using meditation and breathing techniques to calm myself down. 

I was feeling positive until last week, when I suddenly started having pain in both my legs. I have no idea what caused it, whether it was physical exertion, how I slept, medication, or something else. It’s been very frustrating because the sensations are constantly there and worse at night, which is really messing with my sleep, so I started taking the klonopin again for several days, .25mg or less. The pain has varied between like a burning, tingling sensation to tenseness and tenderness in the muscles and it is up and down both legs, from the calves to the thighs. I went to my doctor to get checked out and had a sonogram on them, the only thing I was told so far was that the veins looked narrow so I was asked if I was dehydrated, which I doubt was the problem since I drink plenty of water. My doctor also said I can try upping the lexapro dose, which I am doing. 

I am terrified and confused about using klonopin, especially regularly. In all my research I saw plenty of people say this medication saved their lives and was a miracle and just as many said it ruined it. I’m so confused about using it because I feel like it did help me when I did use it, but I worry about becoming dependent on it and what that might lead to. So I am stuck in this stressful place where I am putting off potential relief because I am scared it will be worse later on. Both my doctor and LCSW have said I should use the klonopin if I need it, and I was a little surprised by LCSW’s response especially. She said why suffer if there was something that could help, but I am worried she isn’t taking into consideration my possible long term use. I just want to do what’s best for me and my family and I have no clue what that is. 

TLDR: I am struggling with anxiety and panic attacks and have been prescribed klonopin but am terrified to continue to take it because of fears of dependency and withdrawal, but my mental health is not good and I also worry about how not taking it may affect my family. Any thoughts are so appreciated!