My dad and my sister are both narcissistic and sociopathic (obsessed with success and the way how they are presented to people). Two years ago I couldn’t press my anger after consecutive verbal abuses (on my looks and gaslighting on everything I do) I bursted out in anger and both of them had blocked me. 

I’m not doing well personally, struggling a lot and been on and off suicidal. Few days ago, I had reached out to my sister because I watched TV where two siblings were very supportive of each other. I tried my best. I apologized and I even gave her this t-shirt she was eyeing on. But when I called her she was so cold to me. She said she doesn’t want shit in her life, I get in the way of her life and all. She’s 7 years older and she always minded her own life when I was little being stuck at home alone. Hearing her shouting at mum that she doesn’t want to be the mother figure, I must have been nothing but just an obstacle for her. 

The last thing she said is to take care and goodbye, she just completely interfered while I was trying to say something, with 0 respect as always and hung up. I feel really suicidal right now and I just want to disappear and end this fucking life. I have no guts or courage to be super successful and revenge on these people. I find myself always kind of fantasizing that they might change and we can all be happy. I hate myself for being like this. I wish I was a bitch and mind my own life too. How can I stop having false hopes? Please help.