Back in 2017 i was dating a person. I was undiagnosed at the time so bpd behavior was common as well as unchecked and i did treat them shitty, but they also treated me shitty. They broke up with me at one point, but i still loved them. I tried my best to not hold negative feelings towards them and it was working, but not even a month after our breakup and they start dating someone else. They fucking bought the tickets to their new date right in front of me a day or two before breaking up with me. I fell into a major depressive state for about 7- 8 months in total and thats when the cutting started. It felt good. I could dissociate in a rush of endorphins. I tried to blame my cuts on them, but they blocked me(not that i blame them. I know i acted shitty and they did the right thing) and so i was alone with no one to blame for my apparent constant mood swings that happened every day. It was a weird time in my life. I’d flirt with random people and had sex with friends to alleviate the constant perpetual pain and loneliness. I regret the actions of that time and i have severe memory loss. Only remember self harming behaviors, all the flirting and sending nude pictures of myself to randos so i could get validation. Get called pretty, cute, lovable and being so stressed id just want to cut myself to cope or drink until i can’t feel anything. I managed to get over it, get my bpd diagnosis and start working on myself, but i recoil in horror whenever i see the scars on my body nowadays. Might get a big tattoo to hide them.