So I’ve been in a relationship for three years. I love this man and I can’t live without him but he had stopped being my favorite person after about a year of us being together because we were living with his mother and she didn’t like me because “I reminded her of her ex”  (he’s a methed out middle aged man that hops in and out of jail but her connection between us was that he had BPD as well but I had only thought I had anxiety, manic depression and PTSD) (I was 18 at the time and never had a felony just smoked some weed and so does my bf so it wasn’t a problem between the two of us) so she gaslighted me and him while we were all living together. Long story short he and I didn’t trust each other after a while and I actually hated him. I hated that the person that basically made me high just by touching me, had become someone I hated but at the same time still loved. His mother moved out of the house we are paying for and went to another state. It’s been two years of him trying to earn my trust back and having to withstand my temper. We’ve been helping each other be better people and things are good. But currently my favorite person is my bestie and this woman has the most beautiful heart and I love her to death but I feel horrible that my boyfriend isn’t my FP. Our love life was amazing when he was and I miss that so much. 

I just feel like shit and I want to be fully happy with my partner and not just muted happy. 

(He is really supportive tho, he’s the one that recognized that I had BPD and did research and is trying to help me understand myself and why I feel the way I do)

I wish I could change it because he deserves it and has worked so hard to be my favorite person