I have had several suicide attempts but once I got myself somewhat under control the worst thing I did was cheat on my boyfriend of 3 years, twice. Long story short, I still didn't have a handle on things. I was moving to live with him, and well I also felt very out of control and I put myself into a dangerous bdsm position in both Instances. The second one I wanted out before anything sexual happened and then I was raped....Guess I had it coming. But that's probably the worst thing that I've done from my bpd side of me. The self hate self loathing self harm aspect. 

Edit: I'm so happy that I'm not the only one who fucks up from bpd. So many days I feel like im alone. My SO is still trying to understand me and I am so lucky that he is still with me. (He's the bf of 3 years) I was not in therapy at the time and felt so out of control. He made a deal with me that if I start taking my meds and continue therapy and if I ever did it again he would leave me on the spot. He's forgiven me even if I haven't forgiven myself and so many days I feel so guilty that I just want to hurt myself. But I am so lucky that he is here for me. 

I think today I'll make him his favorite dinner and hug him and tell him that he is the most amazing person in my life. 

Sorry for ranting I just realized again how extremely lucky I am to have him still with me.