so yea my fp whos basically one of my closest friends hasnt talked to me for a week and i feel like my life is falling apart
i cant focus on school work, i cant take care of myself, im exhausted from the smallest social interactions, i havent been cleaning my room or taking good care of my pets and my mom has had to care for them except feeding them but i feel so awful, my mom is already busy and im just being more of a burden to her but im in so much pain, i swear everyday i wake up and i just feel a aching emptiness as if i once had flowers inside me and now theyre wilting, i feel like im wilting, or maybe theres a real dark cloud over me, i just feel gray?
of course i always feel empty but this is different, its so deep and it physically hurts me, this is the longest ive gone without talking to my fp. idk what to do i just want to die i have no one to talk to bc no one understands me like my fp does except one of my other friends but i feel like a pos if i ask her for help bc i always forget to talk to her and stuff bc of my mental state, we only rly interact irl. 
whenever i think of my fp i just feel a deep deep deep sadness and i cant control my tears after and then i also invalidate myself bc as soon as im not crying i think "see youre just faking it" or ill laugh at something my mom said and convince myself nothings wrong with me just because i wasnt having debilitating sadness for a few hours 
i miss her so much i just want to know shes ok