Ive wanted nothing more than to have children and be a good mother, and give my kids everything that I wasn’t given as a child (npd mom was *not* a fun time). I’m just worried that either I’m not going to be stable enough or my children might end up with a disorder that I won’t be ready to handle, which I’m sure is a common fear. Just hearing “my mom/dad has bpd” 99% of the time won’t be the beginning of a happy story, and I don’t want to fuck everything up for my future kids. 

I have roughly 5/6 years from now to get myself together and yet it seems like that time will pass and I’ll have accomplished nothing significant just like that past 5 years that’ve went by. Good thing is I’m in an extremely stable relationship, he’s doing his best to support me, we both want the exact same thing, but this leads to a limbo of not wanting to let myself down, let him down, or let these theoretical children down. I just want my own and I want to be better than my “mother”, I want to raise them correctly with all the love and affection I never got, it just seems impossible sometimes. If any mothers/fathers/guardians etc. have some stories or input on how you dealt with everything, I would really appreciate it.