With me, I either have times of extreme empathy or times I feel completely numb. Where I don't care about myself or other's emotions. 

Everyone in my life regards me as a good person because I keep to myself when I'm in one of my moods. But I worry about what I could be capable of when I'm feeling numb. 

Recently, I've been curious about how I'd feel if I killed someone when I was unstable and I really don't know if that's normal for people with BPD/PTSD. I imagine if I did kill someone (which I would never do), I'd feel extremely guilty for the rest of my life. 

Other than in middle school with death threats online (one incident I was defending my best friend and in the other, my sister was being bullied although I know this doesn't excuse it), I've never been in trouble with the police. But I've always had this feeling that I'm gonna end up in jail one way or another. Even though I've never been charged with anything and haven't fought anyone since I was like 14 (I'm 20 now).

Sorry if this is very ranty, but I'd really appreciate if someone would give it a read and tell me what they think. Part of me just worries I could be capable of bad things because I've always had extreme anger and I used to be violent, I hit and break stuff when I'm mad, and also have struggled on and off with burning and cutting.