This may make no sense and I only really started coming to this conclusion when I was talking to a friend about it and said "I feel like I'm in the backseat of a car that just keeps crashing and I'm screaming for them to stop and they just keep going." That was in reference to how I overshare and catch myself but just. keep. going. 

Now I'm journaling and I have never seen myself talk so mean to myself. I think I actually am just yelling at this BPD entity in my mind. There have always been two voices in my head that are in CONSTANT argument and never shut up and I think once I started journaling, I was just going off on that side of my brain.

Now that I think about it, I do feel like I may actually have a personality. I may actually be an individual who has personality traits that aren't just complaining about BPD and my challenges. But, the BPD entity in my mind is always more powerful. It can never pause for a second and is always ruining my life. I don't know, this post was mostly a word dump but its also here because I need a bit of reassurance that this isn't just me being like... crazy ;-;