Friends are kind of a catch 22 like with jobs+experience - it's hard to make friends when you don't have any friends. I think most people tend to meet new people via the ones they know, so if you don't really know anyone then you're automatically at a disadvantage.

I used to have friends and a long time ago before all of these issues started cropping up, I'd say I had a fair few. I never really had a "true" friend that I could trust with anything etc. but still, there were people in my life. Over time, though, my friends either: grew up, got a job and started a family; just seemed to fade away over time; hurt me (or I hurt them) and the relationship could't be repaired; or were using/abusing me, or at least were a bad influence and eventually I realised that they had to be culled.

I've been to College and one of my primary motivations was so that I could meet new people, as well as share some experiences and perhaps come across some opportunities. There was none of that, though. People seemed to like me, they talked to me and were nice to me etc. and I was in a really good place at the time (all things considered) so must've been way more likeable and approachable than I am as of late. But they were basically just acquaintances. No one ever asked how I was, or even really talked to me at all, out of College. No one ever invited me to do something and even when I tried initiating things myself, nothing ever came of it.

I've made some friends on the Internet over the Years but these friendships were all formed a long time ago. Back when I was, apparently, capable of forming friendships. Most of them seem to have just faded away and even though I try, with a couple of them, it just seems like they're not interested anymore. Over the last few Years I've sought solace with numerous groups/communities etc. but to no avail. I've never found somewhere where I feel wanted and accepted.

There is one person left who I talk to regularly via the Internet, I've known them for more than a decade... as with some of the others. We have stopped contacting each other before several times but we always seem to bounce back. We are pretty close and rarely ever disagree but it's just not enough. They can't be there for me constantly, as much as they would like to be; bless them.

I've tried going to places where I'm likely to bump into other people who share my interests and had no luck. As an example, there's this big place that does music lessons for a ton of different instruments. Music has always been a passion of mine, so I decided to take up another instrument and started attending regularly. I would hang around before and after lessons in an attempt to perhaps to bump into someone likeminded. Maybe someone would see me sitting alone and strike up a conversation. Nope. I stopped going after a few Months, as I was getting attached to the tutor. For once in my life, I decided+managed to break ties before things got too crazy; there was no way it could ever be mutual.

It's not like I'm grotesquely ugly or majorly deformed or something. It's not like I'm completely socially inept (though I do have difficulties, including anxiety). It's not like I'm a complete monster even though at times it may seem that way. Why did I, especially around the 13-16 mark, attract so many people who did nothing but use or abuse me? It was these people who basically ruined my life... people who, at one point, I thought were friends. Why does no one want anything to do with me, not even strangers? Why does everyone take for granted what they have (friends), then - knowing full well that I don't - lambast me for being the way I am?