I went out with a friend just for fun last night and got massively drunk. I usually don't, and ended up having really really intense suicidal thoughts. If I was alone I would have probably tried. 

Holy shit

Edit: just woke up and fuck that was not a good idea. I'm pretty sure I tried to kill myself by taking ativan when I got home but I was so drunk I just fell asleep. I remember my pulse getting really slow and abnormal though....as if my brain was really trying to kill me finally