I (20) haven't been going to my college courses lately. I'm a third year. The first week of class I did not go to my Monday classes (3, 1 is asynchronous) because anxiety came over me. I did however go to my Tuesday classes because I felt shame that I didn't go to my Monday courses. I reminded myself I just need to go and it will get easier each time after. I didn't go to my Wednesday or Friday classes (the same ones as Monday) because again I talked myself out of them and sleep in. I keep telling myself I'll go the next day or the next week, but I've missed so much that I feel like now it would be embarrassing to show up. My professors record the lectures but I definitely still feel like I am missing out on vital curriculum, and also improving my social anxiety. I even told myself I could buy stuff if I went but that still doesn't motivate me.

I don't have many support systems as I age out of foster care next month, I live alone, I don't hang out with my two friends, I am estranged from both of my parents and I currently don't have a job. (Financially I'm okay because during the pandemic I worked and saved a lot but I definitely worry because I was homeless during my childhood and have PTSD from it.) I rarely leave my house unless I need to and I take extra steps so that I have the least amount of social encounters for example I go to the gym at 4-5 am sometimes so that I interact with the least amount of people. I spend most of my time (when I'm not doing school work) watching youtube videos, tv shows, or making youtube videos on a small private channel so it feels like at least I'm sharing my interests.

I have tried therapy but anytime I would talk about my ruminating or childhood trauma my therapist would kinda give me the same advice "everyone feels/experiences similar things" which is not to sound entitled but like how would knowing that everyone around me experiences similar things help me work through my problems so I stopped going to therapy. The last job I had I quit after a month because I was so burnt out and I kinda allowed myself a break because I had saved enough to take a break and focus on school and bettering my mental health. But it seems like I made small improvements if none at all. I'll reach out to the therapy clinic my social worker gave me a few weeks ago but that takes a while, any suggestions? I'm planning to go tomorrow but I know subconsciously I may not.