I'm a 19yr girl who studying in class 12th with lots of pressure and problems and sometimes it's feels like death is easy than this life from 2014 in Jan my elder sister suicide and die after that my life is become like a hell everyone in my family start blaming me for that and they think she died because of me bcoz i didn't tell them that she is in a relationship with someone when she tells me about this she makes a promise that i don't tell this to anyone otherwise she will die and I just don't want to lose her at that age so i kept the secret but when all this happens and she leaves the world everyone blames me and even when my father was drunk he hit me slapped me , I just bear everything and from 2014 i didn't go in any school after doing so many requests and everything they get me in a schl after 5 years i remember when first test was held i score 2 marks in my maths test and everyone was laughing on me still I managed to carry on and in my 10th standard they start saying that leave these things and get married after that but again I fight and  in 11th my father just came and slapped me and when I ask he said he wanted so he did means wtf if he is my father doesn't mean he can do anything and one day when I'm going to check whether my tuition teacher came back or not he called everyone and start abusing everyone me my mom and when just i came he came in night and with a stick start asking me whom you are gone to meet who and I'm crying and saying no one I just want to know that whether sir came back or not and he didn't hit me but the words he Said I never forget that and now he is expecting that i will crack neet and I say I try my best but how every after two days he do a new drama after get drunk I'm just stuck in my own house I didn't go anywhere don't have any male friends even my famale friends can't call me more than 5 min only i know how i managing my life and now he said that if you can't crack neet in first attempt we will get you married just after that and seriously for me suicide is better than get married or living with them he has contact with  some very powerful  people and if I run away he will get me within a 4,5 hr i cannot do anything and in this situation I can't even able to study . I think life is not for everyone :) especially for a girl who is not good in anything  . I really want to do so many things in my life but I think its all just a dream for me I can't hate them but can't love them