Every. Single. Fucking. Day. I want to die. Some days it’s a lot less, like I’m just riding in a car and will hope it’ll crash. Other days it’s me searching the nearest gun shop. But every day, whether it’s a “good” day or bad I’ll think about killing myself. I even say it out loud, “I want to die”. I don’t think about it consciously when I’m saying it and I’ll accidentally say it just watching a movie with people and I have to play it off like it’s nothing. But it’s not nothing, it’s something I wish for all the time. The first time I tried I was 12 years old, people would always say it gets better. But here I am at 21 and am arguably much much worse. I just don’t get it. I don’t understand what it’s like to want to be alive. I don’t understand how people just fucking live each day. I don’t get it, but I really really really hope one day I do.