 I can't keep running from how empty I feel. How everything feels so forced and fake. I'm 22 and the social problems began from a very young age, the familial problems also. I guess I learned from a very young age to brush things under the rug and bury all of my emotions to the point where I've been detached from myself for probably 15 years now. I've been to therapy 4 different times and am likely starting again soon but to be honest I don't think it's going to go anywhere until I can be honest with myself but I literally don't know how. It's like there's this pit of intense pain that's constantly buried deep within my chest that I suppose will either give me answers or kill me from shame. All I know is socializing is completely traumatizing to me, school as well. I don't know if anybody can relate but I just don't know how to figure myself out or if it's just all in my head. I must sound so crazy to anybody reading this but please if you have any questions it might really help me to be able to answer them anonymously and unpack stuff. I'm committed to understanding why everybody treats me like I'm some freak, I know I'm not completely hideous but beyond that I don't think I know what's going on. There's like this deep disconnect between how I act even by myself and who I am internally I believe. I don't know if any of this makes sense but please ask about my childhood or whatever I gotta understand even if it kills me.