I can’t recall the last time I truly felt happy. I thought my “depression” was bad when I was younger but it’s absolutely horrible now. It got worse during the pandemic. 

At least when I was younger, I suppose I did have depression (not diagnosed because I never saw a medical professional) but at least I could get things done. Had pretty good grades (not a lot of friends though) but never truly felt happy. I was always insecure about myself and I tried doing things that might make me feel confident but it never did. Just an example, I got braces because I was insecure about my teeth only to end up with kinda straight teeth but a huge overbite. I’m still insecure. 

Now I’m in college and I have no motivation to do absolutely anything. I never want to study and I can barely even do assignments. I have no goals and have no idea what I want to do with my life. Nothing really makes me happy anymore. I like eating and seeing my dogs happy makes me happy, but only a little bit. Everyone hates them including my family members. I don’t get the same joy as I used to. Eating foods that I like doesn’t hit the same anymore but I still tend to overeat. 

I’ve been like this since 2020, and I don’t see any signs of improving. I feel like I’m stuck.