I broke up with my ex for a number of reasons.

For the past 2 weeks I managed to stay no contact, focused on myself and kept myself as busy as possible. I ate well and took good care of my body. I worked 13 days straight, doing as many hours as I could (which was good because I do enjoy my job and the people I work with). When I wasn't working I was at the gym or sleeping. A few times I'd woken up in the early hours of the morning and my mind started wandering so I'd quickly get dressed and run and run until I felt sick then crawl back in to bed.

Basically, I didn't give myself a minute to stop and really think about anything. On my first day off I flew across the country and saw one of my favourite artists, exploring the city and staying busy the whole time.

Then I arrived home and had my first proper day off.

All of my emotions suddenly hit me like a train. I realized that I still felt very strongly about him. I hoped maybe after the time apart he'd felt the same and that maybe we could put everything on the table and talk.

I reached out to him, knowing how stubborn he is. I messaged him multiple times and told him I missed him.

He sent back one short, cold reply making it clear he had moved on had no interest in seeing me again.

I'm really hurt to say the very least.

Where do I go from here? I tried to do everything right but it failed. I'm soon going to be having more days off, getting fewer hours and more time to think and I can't handle it.

I don't feel ready to see other people. I don't really have any friends to talk to about it and my parents haven't mentioned the breakup at all and I wouldn't be able to talk to them about it anyway. I feel really alone. 

Delaying the pain just made it so much worse and I just really need to numb myself and scramble my memory and go back to when I didn't know he'd moved on. 