this is probably my comorbid CPTSD speaking as well but I seem to never be able to get mad at anything even if it's justifiable. the self blame is just too strong even though realistically I know it's not my fault. I just always seem to think about it from the other side so deeply that I'm like, oh okay that makes sense from their side so why the hell am I so mad and I can't be mad at them so I'm mad at myself for being mad?? ugh