So I've been have a good episode the past week and I feel like I can do anything and my impulsivity has increased so much. I kept drinking, spent all my money on I dont even know what, and I've been productive getting college assignments done. Today has been really bad with suicidal thoughts being constant and the voices telling me to self harm and kill myself. I've been self harm free for 3 months now which is the longest I've gone without hurting myself in 10 years and I haven't had an attempt in 3 months. I went for the blade and was going to cut and I grabbed a load of my quetiapine and prozac (have a huge stock of it from not taking my meds) but instead I threw the blade out and used an elastic band until the urge went away and I referred to my crisis sheet. I'm honestly so proud of myself for being able to do it and being able to tell the voices to fuck off. I feel more in control of myself now😂