You pretended you  loved "me" but really it was shallow and i took you on a ride.

No   i dont think about it, yes i remember it all. Every detail. yes i shut   it all off. As a bpd haver i was trained to "perform or be nothing!"     Therefor these people who attract to us do the same/. "omg look at how  charismatic they  are" "let them perform and make me feel loved" they  ALL say it "i love  how much i felt loved"  THATS COOL!!!!  did i feel  loved or was i just a  circus act to love you?

THen   people say "oh yes use this as an excuse for leaving etc. Wait...  didnt  you get what you wanted? a real doll human and i got someone who   pretended to love me for how i looked and performed? because if i wasnt  perfect? fuck forbid i be anything but that.