I feel as though I'm an individual who should kill themselves but is too fearful to and therefore is someone who is pathetic and a burden to everyone by existing.

I understand this is the self critical aspect of myself but I look at myself and think objectively as a human I should kill myself or improve myself however I don't believe I can ever improve enough to wear I feel worthy. I feel therefore I should kill myself but because I don't I'm a bitch.

I work full time in a social job but am unable to be social, I have opportunities to become more comfortable speaking to people everyday and don't. 

I live in fear, for of others opinions/reactions and am unable to live authentically 100% I've never had a relationship I struggle to form connections even platonically. I'm honestly tired and seem to be getting worse with self care by the day as I feel hopeless.