I'm on the edge this times and I need help desperately. I've posted on this sub before and soon after I felt a bit better and got some sort of motivation to keep going. However, I'm now back to square one again and I'm even worse than before. Long story short, I really don't want to live anymore... many people say things will get better, but it's quit the opposite for me. As I go on, I feel worse than ever. Nothing is ever getting better and I can't take it anymore. My life is literally collapsing on me. For the last few years I have tried everything I can to better myself, I've been working on my confidence, my social skills, I've been working out, trying different hobbies, and I've been talking to as much people as possible. But nobody wants me still. I also cancelled my gym membership due to my social anxiety. Every relationship I've had has failed, despite my efforts to do everything right. I don't have anyone in my life, only a few friends who I tried to break things off with and was a total asswhipe to them. Everybody I've loved has left me without any remorse regarding it. I'm fucking tired of being that person who has no friends and nobody loves. Everyone around me has many friends and is in some sort of relationship but I have none. Too different from everybody I meet, I don't fit in with the society, and whoever comes in contact with me hates me. l also have depression, anxiety, and anger issues, so this makes this situation worse for me. All I wanted in my life was to make others smile and have at least a few people in my life who adore me and are there for me. But it doesn't work. No woman I've ever met can take being around me, they just can't love me. Only a minority I've met showed some sort of affection towards me but later threw me away like a piece of garbage I am. Every friend I've ever had have been trying to get rid of me, nobody is there for me ever. Not to mention 90% of the so-called friends I've ever made in my entire life were all fake friends. They either don't respect my boundary or make fun of me and ignore me. Even physically hitting me sometimes. Nobody calls me, nobody ever makes any plans with me. I'm just alone all day. Nowhere I go I am welcome. Not at work, not at the gym, nowhere. I can't even do my job properly. My family doesn't love me either. They have no time for me and apparently what they're doing at the moment is way more important than me. Nobody ever tries to help me, nobody. And nothing I do has ever helped. Therapy doesn't do jackshit. Neither does medication, nothing helps. Been on antidepressants for over a year and I'm not feeling any different from when I started. I can't do it anymore, I just can't. It's too fucking much for me too handle. Nobody truly loves who I am in my heart. I tried to change my personality for as long as I remember, but I still am the same loser I was. The only thing I can think of right now is suicide. I've had suicidal thoughts for a very long time, but I didn't actually had the balls to do it. But tonight I think I'm going to make a plan and probably make it happen if I don't chicken out. Please help me snap out of it. I don't want to die, I just don't want to deal with this shitty life. Since suicide is the only logical way out of this, I think I'll try to attempt it tonight.