I guess its kind of a rant with hopes of solution.
I see posts like this everyday and anxiously wonder when it will be my turn again to suffer the pain.

I really couldnt care less about social media but from time to time I tend to wonder stupit shit like '' well how come my boyfriend doesnr have any pictures of us or how come he doesn't mention me anywhere''
I mean he had it with all the other stupid girls he dated, why not me?

 well as you can guess I'm kinda stuck in this mode now and it escalated into a fight with him. He tries to do the right things I guess but he keeps telling me its all in my head and that its the mental illness part of me thinking this and that ect. I always hate it when he does it, he tells me my feelings and thought are literally wrong and not true, it's my own fault for beeing mad now. I told him my feelings are valid and that doctors say that they are too its about the way I handle things not about how wrong my feelings are. 
he doenst agree it seems. 

Since this is my life and things always tend to come all at fucking once, of course, some random chick texted my bf out of god knows where and asked if he would like to go out on a drink with her.
(Someone wake me the fuck up. How am I actually supposed to be calm and collected?!)

He made clear that he is not interested in a relationship and she said that she would like some likeminded friends. He continued to have an unnecessary talk about how he does too but wont because of his past relationships with friends, wich he also seemed to go into detail about. (This is supposed to be a stranger that he never met in RL as he told me)

He also told me that they *probably* wont become friends because if he thinks back of the last 12 hours he doesnt want to imagine what could happen if he tried to meet her.

Like I am SO fucking done. Iiterally packed all my shit and I'm ready to go. I am sitting here waiting for him to arrive after work so I can tell him he can go fuck himself and that I will not be another fucking victim of some guy not beeing able to keep his damn dick to himself. I've had it. really. I can not take a single fucking second of it anymore. I already smashed something against the wall to break it and relieve some stress but why not just bang my damn head on the wall as well so ALL of this shit is gone??

ugh I'm sorry for beeing so horrible. It's completely contrasting to the way I am normally but sometimes theres also a freaking limit for me.