hi i thought i’d post here in hopes of getting some advice or literally anything, maybe someone can relate?

my bpd used to be so out of control that i couldn’t even function, but it’s calmed down in the past year. 
i think due to the fact that my relationships have become somewhat stable for the first time in probably forever.

but my problem now is that i have trouble accepting that things are stable, i guess since i’m not used to it. i overthink everything, i’m constantly insecure, and i think that they’re all going to leave me. 

my bf and i have been together for over a year and he’s been the only person to ever treat me like a normal person. this is the only healthy relationship/bf i’ve ever had.

he has never judged me once, he never takes his anger out on me, he takes care of me, and he does everything he can to make things okay.

but the voice in the back of my head tells me everyday that he’s just going to leave. i don’t know how i’d even live without him and the thought is terrifying.

i can’t tell if i’m even overthinking anymore...
i feel like i’m no where near good enough for him, and i feel like my insecurities push him away more. 
i feel like he’s secretly bored of me and his feelings are fading, like he’s looking for a way out, pretending to still love me.
but i’m too scared to keep bringing it up because it’s gonna push him away even more.

maybe it’s because im just hyper aware of everything...
like he’s not as affectionate and doesn’t act very touchy or obsessed with me and it makes me feel this way. 

help lol