So I'm currently in the process of redefining my relationship, I probably won't be able to find the strength to actually leave, but I'm not going to go without sex anymore. Probably more worryingly, we've become co-dependent, so we are staying together and have been staying together even when the relationship isn't working.

Ironically, as of the past few days I don't even want to fuck anymore, just as the opportunity is finally arising. So I've ruined my fucking relationship for no reason, great. That will probably change in a few days knowing me but who knows. 

I might just not be able to even think of sex without all of these fucking feelings coming back up, it's already happened to the point where I don't even really enjoy jerking off or porn anymore because of all of the negative feelings it conjures up.

My university counselor cancelled (I don't even fucking go to classes anymore beyond just doing the assignments) and it's in like 2 weeks, and I am going to see an actual psychologist (btw, what is the difference between psychologist and therapist?)  as well, but the wait list is probably going to be months. I seriously don't know how I'm going to deal with the stress of everything, no matter the outcome.