Tomorrow I'll be headed back to college and I am honestly really terrified of being alone. This semester is going to be extremely different because most of my friends are planning to stay home this semester instead of coming back to school. I technically have other "friends" but I'm not close to anyone anymore. Not to mention I've been feeling a huge disconnection between me and my closest friends because I've managed to disappoint all of them within the past few months. One friend is mad at me because I didn't want to be her roommate, one got upset with me before we left for break over a dumb argument, and I can't even talk to my best friend anymore without feeling sad. I wasn't going to have anyone to hang out with this semester as is, but being alone by myself at school is also a very scary thought. 

The reason I decided to go back to school was because I was able to get two jobs through the University as well as a scholarship, so I came back primarily for financial reasons. Sometimes I'm not exactly sure if I made the right choice by choosing to go back to school or not. On one hand, I will be able to make money which is always a plus, but I am terrified of being alone for the entire semester. I didn't want to stay home for another semester because online school is just so frustrating from my parent's house. I do have my therapy appointments over zoom, and I can video call my family members but it's just going to be me and I am really really scared I am going to hit a low point again like I did last semester where my Panic disorder just became too much to handle which resulted in spiraling depression and a suicide attempt... and I had to go through it all pretty much by myself. A lot of my friends just chose to ignore it and my family is too preoccupied with other things going on so I chose to get the help myself and I'm feeling like I'm in a much better place than a few months ago. But I am just getting so anxious because my mental health just plummeted and I'm glad I have my jobs to distract me, but how can I cope with being completely by myself this semester? 

I guess what I'm saying is, I was going to be alone this semester no matter what I did. At my parent's house they can't really do much to help me because they're taking care of my grandma who lives with us and my parents are already stressed as it is. I wasn't going to be able to see any of my friends except over video chat. At school, I don't have a support system. But I do have my jobs. How does one cope with loneliness? How can I cope with panic attacks better this semester now that I'll be completely by myself?