Spent an amazing year with a woman with bpd. She was everything I searched for in a partner..we just clicked. She had a heart of gold and made me feel truly loved for the first time in my life.  Had three amazing kids I love dearly.  We went on epic adventures, loved like crazy and was about to ask for her to marry me. I didn't know much about her struggle with bpd.. only that she had ptsd from former partners. She didn't like to talk about it much and I did not push her to talk about it .. only showing them constant love and support and that life can be good and they deserve the best. 

I got myself in a lil rut with a bout of depression bc my job is rough and sucks sometimes. I just wanted to sleep mostly after work. She felt i was pushing her away and turned Off all emotions. Said she didn't know why she couldn't get them back. Turned cold as ice, told me to leave her alone n needed time to heal and be with her kids. No working on us..no communication. Couple weeks later back with her toxic ex and "loving life". 

I know I said some stupid stuff just playing as couples do that may have triggered something from her past but omg did I love them hard and was so good to them.. and went out of my way to prove it. As none other ever did for them. I was for real. 

Now I'm completely destroyed, heart tattered. Absolutely no desire to be with anyone else. Makes me sick to think of being with anyone besides her. She was my rock, my soulmate so i thought. 

Is this common to give up so easily on a good thing? To run back to an ex bc it's familiar even if toxic? To completely shun someone from their life that only ever wanted them to be happy and feel loved ? Will they ever reach out ? 

Think I'm going craaaaaazy. 😪