Long story short (hopefully) I’ve been having pretty bad anxiety since March, though I’ve had it off and on my whole life.

I noticed one eye looks bigger than the other on a zoom call and I can’t stop fixating on it. I have astigmatism in that eye and I’ve been to an ophthalmologist and and ENT. I’ve had a CT scan on my sinuses and everything has been normal. I was diagnosed with sinus migraines.

I can’t tell what’s real or in my head anymore. I feel like my vision is weird in that left eye but I don’t notice it in my glasses only in my contacts so I think it’s an anxiety thing. I also sometimes get pain behind that eye or in my eyebrow and my doctors say it’s the migraines.

I don’t know how to stop fixating on this. I check my eyes all the time with my hands to see if it’s sticking out more. I check them in the mirror, I look at old pictures of myself to see if I notice it in older pictures, but you can’t see it when I’m smiling.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m in therapy and just started taking medication, but I feel like I’m going crazy and I don’t know what’s a real symptom or just in my head. I literally just want to have cosmetic surgery so I can stop fixating. My mom had a brain tumor when I was 14 so I’m always paranoid it’s that and that they just missed it on the CT scan. 

Thanks for listening. I just want to get better and be back to myself again so I can be a better mother and wife :(