or at least I think it’s anxiety….

I am diagnosed with anxiety. I’ve had anxiety ever since I was a little kid. But over the past 2 years it’s gotten really bad. 

I was in the hospital about 2 years ago because the way I was feeling was so scary and I thought I was dying. They did lots of tests and found nothing. My mom said she wouldn’t stop until we figured out what was wrong. I went to just about every type of doctor and literally go no answers. This left me feeling very uneasy. I just wanted to understand what was wrong with me.

Not to mention i have a daily constant headache that has been with me for these past 2 years. Even after all the tests I was still convinced I had a brain tumor. This caused my anxiety to turn into health anxiety. I literally cant even describe how bad it had gotten. The amount of illnesses and diseases I thought I had when it was literally nothing. It had completely taken over my life. 

I was having good times and some rough times. My headaches never went away I just sadly got used to living in constant pain. towards the beginning of this year i felt better mentally. I would hang out with my friend we would go out and just live life. I would get excited about things and genuinely felt like I was enjoying my life. 

In June I started medication for my anxiety and it made me feel AWFUL. My anxiety got 50 times worse and i thought I was going to die. This led to worsening health anxiety and constant fear of how I was feeling. Later in June I got sun poisoning and that once again made my health anxiety just absolutely sky rocket. 

Fast forward a couple weeks and i started to just not feel like myself. I still had the constant worry and fear of being sick and not believing that it was anxiety. Now present time I feel like i’ve lost myself. I feel like i’m now back to more mental anxiety than health anxiety. Everything makes me uncomfortable and gives me weird vibes. I don’t get excited about things like i used to either. I just mentally don’t feel right. Idk if this is my anxiety or not. 

Dealing with anxiety for more than half my life makes me so sad to think about. I feel like everyone is tired of my complaining so now i feel like i have to keep what i’m feeling to myself. I just don’t understand my feelings sometimes. How do I know it’s anxiety you know. Ugh i feel like it never gets better and it keeps changing so it’s very hard to deal with.

Sorry for how long this is I just need someone to understand me and listen.