Thought I had been doing okay for a while. Have been lucky in the help I have received lately, and have been working hard to access all the help I can. I thought I was getting somewhere.

I don't know what happened this morning but that voice telling me to self harm was there stronger than it had been in over a year. There was nothing else beyond it, all I could think was 'do it do it do it do it, you are a coward if you don't do it, do it do it do it'.

So I did it. And my boyfriend had to deal with the repercussions and sort me out. He said it's okay, he's not mad and he still loves me. But I feel so horribly guilty for putting him through that. 

Now I feel like I'm back at square one. I don't feel comfortable with myself right now. I am selfish and just end up hurting the people who care about me. I was feeling so positive the last few days but today I just feel like there's no hope of getting better.