I struggle with perfectionistic behaviors the most out of all my BPD symptoms. Case in point: I've been running a website on and off for the last 2 years. Every time things finally start to go well and I get traffic or some orders a product, I end up dropping the bomb and flaking out. 

The articles + media I produce for the site generate a lot of my traffic/revenue and I get so terrified of disappointing people and not living up to my own standards and theirs - of not being as consistently great of a writer - that I get frozen with fear. Every article has to be perfect, or else I feel doomed to be seen as a fake, get bad reviews, etc. And it's totally unrealistic to expect that of myself, but I do. I sit for hours writing and editing the same thing over and over from the anxiety, and get so sick of it that I just quit. 

I understand that I'm self-sabotaging. The hard part is learning how to deal with it. I have tried to express this to a therapist but he didn't offer me any tools to fix this. How do you push forward and be productive when all you want to do is self-sabotage, because you know that eventually you just might screw up and lose it all? 

I'm so beyond frustrated...thanks for your support. 