In a day or two I'm going to phone the doctors and explain my symptoms so I can finally get help. I suspect I have BPD and I have done a lot of research over the past year or so as it took me ages to finally tell somebody about the issue.

Anyway, I am only 17 so I'm really young, but I watch this guy called Dr Grande on YT and he does psychology videos. Whenever I watch his videos about BPD, the comments are always really negative and make it sound like living with BPD is honestly a death sentence.

I know I haven't actually been diagnosed so maybe I'm jumping the gun a bit, but I've researched literally everything else but BPD is the only one that fits really well, so I worry I could genuinely have it.

These comments just really put me down and make me feel hopeless for future relationships. What if I am that crazy ex? What if I am a terrible girlfriend? Having all these what ifs and not knowing what I'm actually like in a relationship really bothers me, especially with all these negative comments online.

I just feel like I'm doomed.