I'm feeling incredibly depressed and guilty because I feel like I can never redeem myself for how controlling I used to be.

I once messaged my ex friends boyfriend to tell him to basically leave her alone even though it was non of my business. I also was in general just unbearable and weird. I was crazy but I just font understand why they sticked around.

I was 15 and I have changed alot since then. I now recognize my behaviour of having been toxic but I just don't have the will to really live. I think I can't redeem myself for having been that toxic.

I just don't know how to deal with the crushing guilt.