wow, i could say this has been possibly the worst day of any year. 

i (f17), have struggled with depression for 6+ years. my whole family knew about it but it took until this year for my parents to finally show some care; however my brother does not. 

my brother, (m21) does absolutely nothing to help out the household. he complains when the family isn’t working on his time schedule. he requires chicken to be made twice every single day, it must be cooked with no salt or pepper plus has to be extra crispy or he won’t eat it. he stays at home because our parents provide free education if you stay. however, because he doesn’t socialize and hasn’t experienced the “real” world, he tends to act…entitled. 

demanding things from my family, raises his voice and cussed at us if we are late on cooking or cleaning. but the one thing that really pisses me off is when he tried to control me. he believes he’s helping me out by raising his voice at me, pestering me and calling me a lazy shit when i don’t do what he asks. 

today it got bad when i refused to help him clean up dog pee. for context: we have a 4 month puppy who still wets himself, i was forced to watch the dog for  8 1/2 hours for the whole summer and still have to watch him the same amount of time on the weekends even after school started. anyways, i was walking into the living room and found piss on the floor. my brother said that the dog peed there while i was out and asked for me to help. i said no because i was confused why you’d need help to clean some pee. he ended up getting pissed at me and i eventually went upstairs to ignore him. 

he lister came up berating me saying i’m lazy and i should listen to him and should’ve owed him a favour. but then i asked “why would i owe you a favour? you never do any favours for me.” he got more upset which caused me to start crying out of frustration. he called me a hypocrite and said to stop crying because he “won’t fall for that” as if i was crying to get him to feel bad. (i wasn’t). 

we ended up having a huge argument which led me to now. i get easily frustrated and found that SH (self harm) is a way i get out my emotions. afterwards i realized what i had done. 

my mom was so proud of me when she saw all my scars healing. she would praise me and say thank you for not hurting myself, for showing some self respect. but i ruined it. now she’ll find out and be upset at me. she’ll be sad and i don’t think i can handle the disappointment. i worked so hard for these scars to heal and now i ruined them again. i ruined myself. i have no pride in anything anymore. my pride is ruined - and i was the one who did it.