Ever felt a depressive episode, and hoped someone would answer the phone. Where are they when I need them? Or when everyone only wants “positive vibes” only and hoped a loved one could tell by your voice your not ok. 

I’m married, but can’t explain depression to him. He’s a very much shake it off person (raised this way). He is really stressed about finances, last thing he’ll be able to process is my depression. We don’t live together yet.  His attitude to life has been useful when I used to have a bad day and needed a shake but my mental health has taken a turn for the worse. 
                                                                                                                                
My mum has chronic depression, I look after her. So I mask myself to be strong daily. I’m all she’s has 
My best friends, 2 have babies under 1 now. Barely call me back
My sister. We’re not on good terms
My dad. Reminds me always how grateful I should be. Life is “beautiful”
My other close friend. Pregnant,doesn’t return my call. 
My other friends, I reached out and they don’t call back. 
Therapist- yeah I’m trying, but treatment is slow. Please don’t say seek professional help, I’ve been doctors. I won’t take medicine because I’ve seen what it done to my mum. So therapy it is. 

I find nothing enjoyable. 

I just want someone to talk to. A familiar face. I just want to feel so loved. I’m tired. I am described as the most caring person by everyone I know, but I’m suffering. Why do we only get shown love after we’re not here anymore