My life has felt rather jumbled and confusing lately, and I feel as though if I write it all out it might help me feel better about all of this..so here goes. I'm sorry if this doesn't make too much sense. I'm trying to make sense of it myself.

Basically, I have been living in this city my whole life, and I'm pretty miserable. I'm 24, almost all of my close friends have moved away from here, I'm extremely lonely, not in school, job prospects aren't great. This past year has been the first year I have been living on my own, and I think, because of that, a lot of stuff has started coming up for me. It's been hard, I've had panic attacks, had to quit a job because of insomnia and anxiety, I have almost constant headaches...ugh. Writing this out is depressing. I feel like I am rambling so I will try to get to the point. Basically a few months ago I made the decision to use the money that I have saved up to leave this country, on a work visa for a few months, and then travel for a couple months after that.

I am excited/nervous as hell about this, and I've started making plans slowly. I feel like getting out of this place is one of the only chances I'll have right now for happiness, and if I don't take it I will regret it.

And now comes the confusing part..about 2 months ago I started hanging out with this guy. I was lonely, the last friend i had here had just moved across the country, and I felt isolated. I felt like this person could be someone I could spend some time with, be friends with, have sex if it goes well, up until I leave. Well, that was my plan anyway, but things never seem to go as I want them to. I started to really like this guy, and I think he felt the same way too. I could see myself dating, and being happy with him...

These feelings made me freak out, because I`m leaving and I didn`t want to get attached to him. So I told him I wasn't going ot be here for very much longer, which led to him distancing himself from me emotionally (understandably) and bpd going crazy from feeling rejected, and reacting in all kinds of insane ways. From telling him we should not see other people, to me breaking up with him...more than once.:( Long story short, this guy still talks to me, and still wants to be friends and hang out until I leave... he has to be one of the most patient guys I know. 
 
I guess here is my problem. If he starts dating someone, it'll kill me. . but the alternative of losing him as a friend completely bothers me as well. I don't know what to do...