I’m in my early twenties and I’ve been struggling with depression and most likely undiagnosed adhd since I was a kid, among other things. I’ve never had a good support system, so I’ve been basically on “survival mode” for a long time. There are a lot of steps I know I need to make towards self improvement and mental health care, except I’m feeling too overwhelmed to progress in the way I think I need. I feel so ashamed that I have let myself live so poorly. Inevitably, I will need to do a lot of reaching out to get my life back on track, but I begin to panic just thinking about letting anyone else know just how badly I have been doing, and how they might react. I tried very hard for a long time to be a high achiever, but for a few years now I have been falling apart and isolating myself, unable to perform daily tasks or keep up with financial, health and school related responsibilities. I try to maintain a healthy mindset and focus on positive  self talk, but honestly: how I view myself at my current state makes me feel wildly suicidal, impulsive and self destructive. How can I take control of my life in a healthy way? How can I stop feeling so ashamed and hopeless about the progress I want to make? I just want to stop ruminating and self sabotaging, I really want to do what’s best for myself.