I have struggled with suicide ideation for a good portion of my life, but recently the thoughts are so overpowering. I have never had much to live for, i grew up pretty poor and didn’t graduate high school. I’m a janitor at the mine in my home town and I don’t have many friends. I fell in love with this guy I met when I was working a night in the bar. I wish I would’ve left him when he was still talking to his ex at the start of our relationship. or all the girls he would message just to talk. but 4 years have passed, and now I’m here, with a 6 month old who I adore and love with my whole heart. My partner recently cheated on my and has been for months… did I mention our son is only 6 months… I just bought a house with him I cant afford and a car I can’t afford and just- there’s so much in my life that I can’t do alone. He has been in emotional relationships with multiple women while also sexting them. I don’t know how he could do this while I’m in the next room with our baby but he does. I just feel worthless and I cry myself to sleep every night. I am not able to be a good mom because I am constantly crying or overthinking. I wish I could get in my car and drive head on with a big semi. or drive off this big cliff right outside my town. If I didn’t have this baby next to me I would go do it right now. I can’t imagine leaving him also because his dad hasn’t ever even taken him for a whole night before. I wish I could’ve given my son a better life and I am so sorry that I’m such a shitty mother lately.