Feeling very depressed and also very bored with life. I recently got Into cutting again after being 7 years clean and now I’m addicted to it again and stay with my N grandparents who make me feel like I’m a child living w my abusive father again. Also 7 months post break up and am pretty depressed over that since he is my FP . I know i need to stop going back to him , but I can’t seem to and we talk daily, only for me to be reminded how pathetic and useless I am. That he will eventually move on and I’ll just remember that I wasn’t good enough. Reminds me of when my father abandoned me for a woman and it’s dumb I’m upset over that because he was very physically and mentally/emotionally abusive , but it doesn’t make the abandonment any less real. And living with my grandparents is pure hell. It’s the same , except more verbal and emotional  with spurts of physical abuse. So, now I’m just going to go to the store and buy some razors to cut myself because everything is so boring to me now , I’m discouraged from life and find absolutely no joy in anything, my meds aren’t helping as much as they used to , and I just feel empty. I still starve myself but that really isn’t effective anymore , so cutting is the only way to deal with this pain without killing my self . I don’t really want to die , but I don’t want to live either.