We’ve been together for 6 years and engaged for 4.5.  We got into an argument because we have been living apart for months for work and I was feeling very isolated this last month because she started hanging out with people for substantial amounts of time (3-5 hours almost every night) but didn’t hang out digitally or talk to me for that amount of time.  I’ve been renovating our kitchen by myself, and been really overworked and burnt out from my job through the pandemic.  I’d been working 12-14 hour days almost every day since the end of March.  When I told her that I was stressed,  anxious and didn’t feel like I was important to her right now, she told me that I was being manipulative and making her feel guilty for hanging out with her friends and that the issue is my insecurity and I’m not her priority right now.  The last time she got distant, she blindsided me by saying that she wanted to open up our relationship and explore polyamory.  It was the second time in our relationship she did that and I have an insecurity around trust and love in a relationship because I was cheated on for a year in a previous long relationship and didn’t find out until later.  I know polyamory isn’t cheating and it can be done respectfully, but it felt like she wasn’t interested in me anymore and we entered our relationship both agreeing we wanted to be monogamous.  So when she got distant, I was triggered by that.  And then it ended up into an episode that ended with her saying “I can’t live the rest of my life like this”.  We have texted here and there.  I don’t know what to say to her.  She told me that she thinks I can’t come back and live together in our apartment until we can figure things out and that I am her family and that doesn’t have to end.  

Our communication has been hard through our relationship, because I feel unheard when I bring up things that are issues for me in our dynamic.  I know it’s probably best to not be together and there isn’t much hope of change because she won’t acknowledge her role in creating situations.  I’m just sad, lost, and wish this wasn’t happening.