I dont really know what to put on description..I just found this. Growing up there wasnt much known about Bpd like you can find online now. I just thought I had a crazy family. I am 41, I always had relationship issues. I always had anger problems. Worse I am kinda a big guy. I have worked out since 15. I dont like scaring people...especially women. 4 years ago, the mother of my child (ex) and I got into it. I told her to just kill me, handed her a weapon, or tried to. Got a felony charge. Long story short. Not seeking help for bpd has ruined my life, but taught me so much. Now I am with a woman that gets me, loves me deeply and..expects me to not instill fear in her..but to protect her. As it should be. Im puttin all my biz online to help people. It took alot to do this. I don't want my son growing up like me. He thinks I'm a superhero or something..like most kids do. Having bpd rages, over stupid little things, the constant splitting, which I just learned about, obviously confuses women and other people. My son never sees this side. Theres times Im at the top of the world..like yesterday. My tooth broke from a frozen gummy bear lol..fml right?In seconds I wanted to die.  like..I hate my self. We try so hard don't we? We do not want to be alone, its not that we are co dependent. Hell Im very independent. But this..bpd animal in us, tells us. You can't be alone! Now go scare this person away and then cry cause noone will ever love us. Jesus..we are a walking contradiction. It is hard. It breaks my heart seeing teens on here wanting to die. Going through what I did. I have so much experience with this and still cant help. I have learned without meds how to mostly control this. But. One slip, one push, one second of not focusing on controlling the animal within, could be dangerous. Don't be like me. Bpd is somewhat genetic but it's not something you are born with. Its something we picked up from..a f'd up life. Talking to normies, as I call them, never helps. They cannot understand what we go through. I am here if you need me. I have 20 years of experience, pissing off ppl. Making women hate me, and only learned 7 years ago I have this. I am finall looking into a therapist. But let me say. It is manageable, if you don't have many stress factors in your life. I have a job that just is constant stress to me. Work can be half your life, so just be in a field you can handle. Working out, exercising can help. Getting lost in a video game also helps me, plus music. If I get upset, or down..put on some headphones and drown out the world and them fake thoughts. They aren't real. You know why? Cause all you dudes, and gals, are fu**ing awesome! Most people can't understand what we go through. If you need advice from a crazed man, just message me. Bless all of you, and keep your heads up!