I'm only 19 years old and I'm in college. I haven't had a single good memory or time in college yet. Disregarding college, I can't even remember the last time I was happy or that I genuinely smiled or laughed. I just keep getting yelled at for everything I do whether it's right or wrong. I thought I'd get to be like most people my age, but no. It's not like I don't try to be outgoing. I join stuff that I have an interest in but it's just not fun. I just want to recall what happiness is even if it's for a brief moment in time. I'd rather shed a tear of happiness than of sadness at least for one day.  I wonder if I am allowed to be happy. Maybe I'm supposed to be a robot that people ignore and yell at.  At least I can escape when I'm sleeping.