I'm 15 years old, I knew my parents talking negatively behind my back or Infront my face and telling other strangers or neighbors about it. I'm the 3rd child of the 4th siblings thinking about it my parents always talk about there problems Infront of me since day 1 even though I was still young and don't probably understand. I always hate that the fact they always talk there problems neither it's financial or self problem, I feel like I'm drowning. That's why I keep myself away from them and like being alone. I can't do much anything, like hangout with my friends outside school if I can I would be happy. But I understand I tried to take my emotional feelings but end up in the bad way I was 10 or 11 I don't remember but I tried to tell about my feelings but in the end I got shout and get belt. Growing up I'm been very anxious, scared and easily get panicked if it get involved with my parents even a slightest thing I feel like I being threaten. I did everything they ask for I feel like I'm in the wrong. I am very sad for years but I don't know why but i keep smiling.   Maybe I just lack freedom it's my fault for being a failure I think. I do a very small chores like laundry, washing plates, simple cooking, and sometimes taking care of my younger siblings (Only do this sometimes). I'm with honors, I have a lot of academic awards from sports and arts I always tried my best in academics, even though my parents won't allow me to join in sports or something else (Sorry I'm not here to brag or flex) . My parents are strict even a slightest thing they will get angry so that's why I'm try not to talk anything. Now I'm 15 years old my parents telling me useless and saying negative stuff about me to the neighbors, strangers, family, and to myself.  My parents is not that trustful of me to do things they think I will be an embracement and don't give me opportunity. What should I do to change myself? I can't talk to them properly cause they get angry so easily. What can I do to have that kind of trust? What should I do?



Sorry for my bad English