This post is just me venting. I (20F) got on antidepressants november 2021 after months of just darkness. I stopped taking them after about a month when I started talking to this guy. Although I wasn’t in a relationship with him, he completely turned my life around without me realising. I started getting up and getting ready every day because I wanted to snap him. As sad as it sounds he literally made me feel like I had a purpose to live again. Now that the college year is over, I am living at home again and me and that guy no longer talk, I feel exactly how I did last year. Each day fades into the next, lost appetite, not showering, brushing teeth, just lying in bed feeling like shit. Now that I’m at home my parents are breathing down my neck to get up, eat, get a job. My father has said that he’s noticed me falling back into my old patterns, he will get me help and all this. I don’t want to speak to anyone, don’t want to go back on meds, don’t want to get out of fucking bed and do pointless shit. The only time I feel happy is weekends when I’m partying and taking drugs and then it’s emptiness all week. Obviously I know the alcohol and drugs are making it worse but at least I have one thing to look forward to. I just don’t know how to stop feeling like this. I don’t want to kill myself, that’s just pushing my problems onto others. I just wish I had never been born and I know how spoiled I sound I just can’t bear it anymore