I've dealt with depression and anxiety as far back as I can remember. I had no idea what is was though until I was describing what I was feeling to a coworker one time and she goes "Maggie, you're depressed and anxious." I was like, really? Is that what that is? I'd always been high-functioning. Managed to maintain my work/school/life balance. I got on antidepressants and things seemed to get a little better. Then I got into a really toxic relationship in 2015. And the dam burst. Everything I'd been holding back just came barreling through. I was diagnosed with a slew of disorders, depression being one, of course. Of all of them, it's still the one I struggle with the most. I've been on almost every med out there. I've even done TMS. I've had good times, I've had bad times. And honestly, during the height of the pandemic, I was great. And then a breakup a year ago. My mom's health started going downhill and now I have to take care of her. And it all came crashing down. Bit by bit it crumbled away and my control over my life waned quickly. And so now, my job, which I was so good at, I've had to take a medical leave of absence from because I can't handle every day. I can barely get out of bed. Clean. Shower. Brush my teeth. I'm on a waiting list to get into a partial inpatient treatment program at the local psych hospital. I'm really hoping they can do something for me. I wanted to try Spravato but no one around here takes insurance for it. So I struggle to get through each day. I do my hardest not to sleep through each and every day. My friends try so hard to get me out and do things but sometimes it's just so hard. I have zero energy. No spoons. Anyways, just wanted to put my story out there. I'm gonna keep trying, but I'm terrified.