I have an absolute, crippling fear of expressing myself to others. I don't like sharing videos that I enjoyed, talking about things I enjoy, trying to better myself in front of others, practice the guitar where people can hear. I live in a very packed house so I don't get privacy, not enough to where I can do these things without the fear of people hearing and judging me.

I'm not sure whether my fear stems from the thought of being a bother and me expressing that part of myself will bother them, or the fear of judgement and being ridiculed for being myself. I just know that, even when talking about birthday gifts I get gut wretching anxiety over "oh gosh they're going to know what I like." I feel embarrassed and wrong reading in front of others, singing, playing the guitar. Slowly I've been trying to express more of myself, get a bit more out there, maybe even exercise in my room. I feel so embarrassed for trying or sharing anything with anyone in real life, for being any relatively part myself because that me is annoying.

Its still so here and I'm unsure on what to do because I'm so socially isolated now and quite literally have no life and want to fix that, but there's so many fears in my stomach and the mere idea of someone watching me exercise makes me want to throw up, and the thought of my family hearing me practice the guitar makes my gut wrench to the point I can't play it. I want to be better, I want to overcome whatever anxiety wall I built up when I was younger, its just so tall and I'm not sure how to keep my foot outside the door whenever I do step out instead of running back in and coughing my lungs out.