Today was the day I (18)  broke up with my girlfriend, best friend, and favorite person (18). We had been in an on and off relationship since summer of 2017. Our relationship initially began very well, and we were very good to one another. I fell in love for the first time. Her and I were both terrible to each other on several occasions. There were points where we would fight multiple times a day, for weeks at a time. There were also the periods of bliss and serenity, where it would feel like an endless summer, and she made me stronger at heart than I could've ever done on my own.

These could last months at a time. The turbulence of our relationship made us both resentful towards the others shortcomings. Through our on and off cycle, it got repeatedly harder to trust her and accept her for who she was, and who she was becoming. Her and I both struggled with mental illness, but we never were equally supportive to one another -- and as soon as one of us got back on the wagon, the other would fall off. It would feel like a constant struggle to balance, but it never happened.

The reason I broke up with her is because I felt us going back into another extreme low point, and I realized that if I really do love this girl, no matter what my shit-riddled brain tells me, the best thing that I can do is to leave. I can't say that I love this girl and keep something going that causes so much pain for her and I. I can't date again until I learn to cope with and control what I am, and I'm still not entirely sure what that is yet.