The past 2 years I have had everything in my life go wrong, last weekend I watched my grandma, who was okay 2 months ago, take her final breath after losing to cancer, and I think that was the breaking point, bad thing after bad thing happening to me I just can't take it anymore, I'm anxious 24/7 and it somehow still finds a way to get worse daily, I can't do it anymore, I sleep 16 hours a day yet I am so fucking tired, mentally emotionally, it's too much, I don't want to kill myself nor have I planned anything but I can just feel it in my gut I'm going to end up doing it in the next few years and there's nothing I can do about it and tbh that part kind of scares me, and I know there's always a chance to change maybe things get better, I've been talking to a girl for the past 5 or 6 months that I really like but even that doesn't even bring me any hope, I still feel it inside me just waiting for the right moment and it's a soul crushing feeling really, the constant dread knowing you'll probably end up a statistic regardless of how hard you try not to. anyways I just needed to rant since I know if I told anyone I know irl this they'd probably call a psych hospital.