For the past 7 years I have tried a wide array of antidepressants, benzodiazapines, sedatives, natural remedies and even tried mindfulness and being unmedicated. I have been seeing a psychologist for the past 3 years. I am now 21 and I am tired. I think about killing myself daily if not hourly. Recently I jumped off a bridge and fractured my sternum in a suicide attempt. I don't feel good. I worry a lot and I feel as though I have been on a downhill slope since I was diagnosed with depression and first started antidepressants at 15. I self harm. I don't feel good about myself, I don't even feel content. I don't feel sad most of the time I am just drained, exhausted, I feel hollow and I feel my life isn't worth living and it has been like this for as long as I can remember. I was first exposed to suicide when father attempted to kill himself in front of me and I thought I could too attempt to avoid his verbal abuse and bare the neglect from my mother. I have 3 friends and I care about them a lot but they don't mean enough to me to keep me alive. every hobby I try will have me interested for a day until I lose interest and resort to lying in bed. I have no passions or love in my heart. how am I supposed to continue this path when I can't prove to myself it will get better. I have been trying so hard. I don't want to feel like this forever but I can't keep running on fake hope that "it will get better someday" anymore. I am so depressed I just want peace but I can't get anywhere.