I had an interview for a great job yesterday.  I've worked with one of the interviewers for years, the job was pretty much mine to lose, and I fucking blew it.  They asked me a question I knew the answer to and I had this weird thing happen where it felt like I was having a stroke.  My heart beat really hard and I immediately had an absolutely skull-splitting headache.  It hurt to even think after that.  I struggled through the rest of the interview and felt like I did ok the rest of the way, but the dumb wrong answer I gave to that question would clearly make it seem like I didn't know what I was talking about. I was very prepared for the interview and  I'm just crushed.  Every time I feel hope about something I manage to fucking screw it up and I can't take much anymore.  My life is just one soul-sucking disappointment after another and I don't know what to do.  I wish I didn't have anyone in my life so I could just off myself, but I can't do that to my wife and kids.  I may check with my psychiatrist Monday and see if I can get in somewhere inpatient for about a month. I feel so sick and defeated that I was up all night thinking really bad thoughts and I'm worried it's going to be too much to handle. Just a vent I needed to get out,  I'm so sick of being me and constantly letting myself and family down.  Fuck