I never talk about my mental health because I am terrified how others will react. Those fears have just come to fruition. I stupidly said I was suicidal at the end of a couple emails to my only two friends. We are coworkers and they got our employers involved and I got a welfare check called on me. I was somehow able to convince the cops not to commit me but the 10 days since then have been full of fear and despair. The worst part is that the only two friends I have (or apparently had) have totally abandoned me. They were the only people I had ever opened up to about my past but as soon as things got “real” they abandoned me. They won’t talk to me and have blocked me from communicating with them in any way. The only answer I got was my best friend saying she wasn’t ready to talk about it. We had referred to each other as sister and brother but she won’t even talk to me when I need her most. I think the worst reaction to someone telling you there suicidal is exactly how my friends reacted. They won’t even say if we can ever be friends again and I don’t know what to do. I’m still suicidal despite convincing everyone around me I’m doing better. I hadn’t had friends for a long time before them but these two women gave me hope that I could get better. Now I’m so lonely and hopeless and wondering why not kill myself. I attempted suicide four years ago but now I’m so much worse. I’m just in shock of what has happened in the last 10 days and that is the only reason I haven’t committed suicide. I’m so alone and scared and I just don’t know what to do. What should I do?