I am a waste of life, I think I'd be more useful as compost or fertilizer. I don't know why my mother still bothers trying to help me, she's the only person who still cares about me and all I do is disappoint and hurt her. I am a lost cause, an abject failure in all respects. I have no redeeming qualities, nothing going for me. I am not intelligent, attractive, or a good person even. I am a morally corrupt junkie and alcoholic and that's all I've ever been. The few dollars I made slaving away that would've been better spent helping my mother with rent or groceries were wasted on drugs, booze, and prostitues and now lawyer fees following a DWI charge I got a month ago. I am sober now, because I am being randomly drug-tested and failing a test means jail. I am now forced to face my crappy unadulterated reality and I am not liking it. I want to start using again consequences be damned because I wasn't even that much more miserable in jail than out here but I wouldn't put mother through that again. I suppose I am just waiting for her to pass away so I can wrap this up without any guilt.