Does anyone else have tasks and to-do's that for whatever reason trigger you like crazy? I'm not just talking about the everyday things like chores or mundane tasks -- though those really get me too depending upon my overall mood and once going on (raise your hand if you've ever collapsed to tears in your pile of laundry that needs to be folded?)

What I really want to get into is the tasks that seem impossible, like Herculean efforts, that people w/o BPD seem to be able to get done with little issue. Right now for me it's the literature review for my master's thesis. I've been able to get all the other parts done -- intro, methodology, conducting my survey, writing up my results, presenting to my peers. But the literature review (basically the big background research paper on my topic) has been *fucking impossible*. I've been working on this since August of last year, and I just cannot deal. Luckily, my professor has been understanding. I was allowed to take an incomplete, and was given a deadline of January 20th (aka, next week!). However, I can't even approach this task without breaking down. It fills me with a dread and anxiety that I cannot describe and I always end up feeling like the only way to bring myself out of the despair is to stop trying to work on it, which means this has just been happening on repeat for months. My rational mind in a calm state knows how utterly ridiculous it is, but when I try to do any sort of work on it I 100% believe I'd rather kill myself than do it. The suicidal thoughts when I approach it are almost unbearable, but as soon as I resolve to not try to get it done just then, I feel relief. And that back and forth makes me feel like I'm faking it.

Can anyone else relate? What's your impossible task? Has anyone managed to deal with something like this successfully? How did you cope?