I moved to a place with no winter to help level my mood, and now I’m just depressed all of the time. I’m lamenting the loss of up days vs down days. Because they’re all down days anymore. I wake up and do yoga, eat whole complete meals, care for my children, bathe, etc. and it’s a steady decline. Am I missing something? Is this part of healing or dying? Because nothing makes me feel alive anymore. I don’t feel like I’m living. I feel like I’m watching myself be unappreciative  of my entire beautiful life. Like I made a mistake bringing humans earth side because they deserve a well mother. 
Did I really think moving away from the place that so much abuse happened to me wouldn’t follow me? That I would just magically be okay? That 30 years of consistent abuse would just erase itself from affect? It sounded brilliant at conception… now. Not so much. 
I feel out of touch with reality. Even sound doesn’t reverb the same. 
I’m a shell. There’s nothing in here. Just empty space. And regret. 
They won.