it’s scary. you can want to change for the better so bad. you can want to be the best version of yourself. but it feels impossible when the brain you use to think of that best version of yourself is also the brain that ruins your life through lies and deceit. it feels impossible to use your mind to be good and break the cycle of bad when you will always be run by a corrupted mind - the you you can’t escape. and it’s so hard to know what’s even real and whether you’ll ever feel like you aren’t two people in one body. i constantly want to be better but it’s impossible and so isolating when you know you’ll only continue to fall into the same traps because that’s just how your brain is wired. it’s so hard fighting the devil when you are the devil yourself.