Holy fuck guys. My mania is so much right now, it's crippling. I was going  to go out with a  friend, asked him to hang out actually, and then like an asshole, I canceled. I canceled because I acted impulsively on even asking, I canceled because I forgot I needed to stay home and finish his present, and I canceled also because I'm literally afraid of myself. I'm afraid of what I might do if I go out in the world, debit card in hand, and mania in the other. I feel so spendy and speedy right now it's horrendous. My brain is literally like NnakaqkwlBABANANANWNWQPQDDNDNSLSND SAMQLWDJRIEOWMANZ ZMQOQPQPDIFNX  SXBXJSIQOQPQJRDNSSFUCKCKCKCKCKCKCKCKCKCKCKC so yeah. SOS