Having an FP is exhausting. Especially after I’ve been hurt so many fucking times I can just feel a split coming on knowing that they are just going to fuck me over and tear my sanity and my heart to shreds Again. I have lost so much because of somehow always finding FPs who use me manipulate me, pick everyone else over me. I feel like they are more out of control than I am. But not with everyone else they only cuss me out, the only tell me I’m a piece of shit, they only treat intimacy with me like it’s something I owe them. Every other person they treat like a human. But no. Not me. I’m just a chunk of fucking flesh to them and I’m so tired of being used. I can’t handle any of this anymore. All the broken promises. All of the lies. I’m starting to resign myself to the fact that I will only ever be someone who gets used and discarded. I wish everyone didn’t do this to me. Makes me feel worthless and unloveable. Maybe I am. Maybe I only let the ones who hurt and use me into my lift and that’s why I’m hurting everyday.