which makes me wanna die even more. i feel like i take up space for people sicker than me. but i feel too healthy to be in the ER but too bad to just see a psychologist once a week. i feel bad asking for stuff, it’s been hard enough seeking help in the first place. i don’t wanna do this anymore. whenever i’m on top of a building jumping feels oh so tempting. no one gets what i’m going through, at times it feels like i do this for attention and other times i’m convinced i’m gonna take my life in the next few years. sometimes i don’t want to get better. 
it feels wrong whenever i see the psychologist, like i shouldn’t be there. and it doesn’t matter what they say to reassure me. i don’t wanna live. it’s enough. this is too hard and i don’t have the energy to try and get better.