long story short, my first year of college i had a 3.9 GPA and did amazing. then everything took a turn for the worse due to a pretty bad relationship i was in combined with my bpd. i was getting C's for the first time in my life, I was withdrawing from countless courses midsemester. my grades took a huge hit and moving online definitely didn't help.

i didn't care about life, let alone my grades. my sophomore year, i attempted suicide twice. my junior year my grades dropped drastically since i spent 10 hours a week in therapy after a couple hospitalizations for a couple more serious suicide attempts. my parents offered to have me take a semester off but i tried my best to push through and took a couple "incompletes" that i finished this fall. 

however, after learning more about this disorder and how to cope with it, i was able to work on myself and get healthy. my last semester my gpa was 3.9 (not my cumulative lol) and it feels amazing to finish on the same note i started on. honestly, im a little upset that my grades werent as good as they were in highschool or couldve been if i was happier and healthier, but overall, im just happy im alive. a year ago i was in a horrible place and planning my next attempt, but now im happy and healthy and ready to start the next chapter of my life.

if there's one word of advice i have to anyone with this disorder or any mental illness in general, it's this: don't compare yourself to unrealistic expectations. don't compare yourself to others. don't even compare yourself to your previous "healthier/happier" self. while this disorder does NOT define you or your limitations, it does give you a weight on your shoulders that can make it harder to lift as much as everyone else.

living with this disorder is an obstacle that not many people understand, but its one that we love with every day. just make sure that the expectations you have for yourself are the same you would have for other's with this disorder. you deserve the same grace that you grant others.