When I was psychotic I used to just hold an idea in my head and think there were all these forces that would lead me to the thing I wanted. It didn't matter if it was a car or a certain brand of chicken nuggets, man. 

In a way, I can see that it was right, because ***I/my brain*** was literally hyper-programed by the psychosis state, to notice all the things that were applicable to whatever I was looking for, so I actually *would* find them more easily... But now, because I'm in recovery and don't function that way anymore, I fear not attracting the experiences I want or the things I need. Does that make sense? 

Maybe attracting is the wrong word. While trying to write this out in my journal earlier, I realized I'm still sort-of operating as if "attracting stuff to me due to metaphysical forces and spiritual helpers" was potentially something real that had occurred. Oops. I don't know if it was or not. I don't think it was? Surely not. Today is actually the first time I'm challenging that. And thus, I don't know what I believe now.

If that was never true at all--which again, I'm only just now realizing might be the case--then it was only ever just my *noticing* things that brought it all to fruition the entire time, right? 

So, how will things so "naturally" work out for my benefit now, if there's actually nothing going on in the Universe to help it be so, *and* if I don't have that Pathological Synchronicity thing going on to help me notice all the things that bring me closer to what I want?  What do you guys believe? I was agnostic before all this happened to me and I am once again, but the transition back to my sanity is proving to be a bumpy ride.