I put on on an Oscar worthy front. I dont want the world to know about me. But id love to have few close friends that feel with me and believe my pain. 

Instead, they  neglect my cries for help, as if they resent/brush off my needs because their issues are worse. 

One friend has cancer.
Another friend has gone though her own health issues but would say how she feels for me, yet she abandoned me, as if she thinks what I did was personal. 
Another friend has hurt her foot badly. 
Another friend has grown up with cardiac and inner ear issues. 
One friend just pretends to care but always throws me on the back burner.
One friend is so apathetic and always undermines my issues when I open up to him. 
Another one says i am her close friend yet ghosts me all the time. 

I get it. We all have our own lives. But i am always there for them, at any hour...why are none of them seeking to make sure I'm ok, for once?

Once, i broke down crying at my dentist and the bitch said, "oh honey, at least you're still pretty." WHATTHEFUCKAMITODOWITHTHAT. This is a direct example of what i am feeling from my passive friends. 

Keeping my monster tame in public makes people think I can't have issues of my own, and if I complain, then I'm a baby princess. 

I need to stop engaging with friendships and just keep acquaintances. The disappointment is just too much over 31 years of this same shit.