My girlfriend is amazing. I still can't believe she's stayed here for me. She really sees a reason to be with me.

But how I can say that I want to commit long-term when all I feel like doing is ending things? Like, the only reason I don't is because I'm scared of dying. So instead I'm just stuck in this perpetual limbo and not being able to function enough to do much.

So right now I'm just stalling things and I'm not quite sure where I or our relationship is going.