I'm fucking sick and tired of having ONE good day out of hundreds of shitty ones and then then hate myself after. 

I put my two weeks in a week ago because I'm going through a pretty bad depressive episode  ( because I was working so much that I had no motivation to do anything else but work and I started to freak out about it) so I just want the rest of my summer break (I'm 16) to get my shit together. 

So I worked 6 days in a row and I just got a day off and was for once in a long time I felt motivated to go outside and hang out with my sister and friend. It was such a good day and I was so happy. Until midnight where I suddenly felt awful. 

I just finished my a two hour crying session and now I'm typing this. 

I feel stupid and pathetic for this sudden change in my mood and emotions. I couldn't be fucking happy for a day ONE day. 

I want to scream and trash my room just to stop feeling so sad but I can't wake my family up. I want to cut myself again just  to stop feeling. 

I was doing so good too and Then this whole mess started up again. 

I'm sick of it and I feel so alone. 

(Omfg I sound so  dumb reading this back to myself)