We have shared custody and therefore see each other every Sunday. I hate it. He makes me feel uneasy and small and sometimes we argue, though I can only fight back a few hours later in writing because the moment we see each other I am more or less speechless as in not being able to articulate in an appropriate manner. It's as if I'm in shock paralysis. I wish I could cut him from my life, but that won't happen for the next few years.

Every week when Sunday arrives I feel anxious for the whole day. I am stuck in fear creeping up on me, I am not able to actually do anything fun because I'm trying to distract myself but it's not working. It's only getting worse every week. I'm feeling sick and whiny. Sundays are hard enough already because I always feel guilty when I don't work. But knowing this moment of seeing him again will eventually come makes it so much harder.

I don't want to lose a whole day to this every week. Even more because this is not the real me, I am smart and strong and I have my life under control. I recently learned that I'm not actually afraid of but angry at him and now I try to find a way to allow anger find a proper way out of me (without being a bitch) so it doesn't eat me up.

Is there anyone out there who knows how I feel or who is in a similar situation? How do you cope with this? I am getting so tired of this ...