I've just come to notice this. I was packing my studio away, I'm moving West and I won't be able to come back East for... Awhile. 

Anyway the room I've spent the last 3 months in is covered in mirrors. Every wall has a full body mirror, sometimes two.

I'll stare at myself for hours and take in every millimeter of my face and pick out every dimple but I'll never be able to remember it.

I don't know what my body looks like, I know I'm fat and that's it. I can't tell you how fat I am, all I know is I'm fat.

I can tell you what I hate but not what those things look like. Just that they should be hated.

I've pictured myself commiting suicide over and over but I don't know what my body would look like. I imagine it as if I where seeing it through a movie but I don't know what I look like. 

All I know is fat, flaws, and the dark bags under my eyes.