I was in a relationship for 3 years with someone I really loved.  Or thought I loved, its hard to tell.  

Things became rough with us after we had to start quarentining and I broke things off after a big fight last August.  I feel really disconnected from him but he was the only person I ever felt that kind of love for.  He cares about me but he's also been really cruel and mean to me lately.  He's angry I called it quits but I don't feel like he understands how disconnected I am. 

I don't know if anyone else felt that way,  not thinking of a relationship or picturing one because of being isolated.  I wish I could show that I care or figure out if I love him but my brain just can't process it.  I feel alone and hurt.  Is this normal for anyone else who has bpd? I'm not diagnosed but I've had all the issues that come with it for a long time.  

Any advice would be appreciated. I don't really have anyone to talk to for help.