I'd give anything else up to have social skills. When you have social anxiety you realize that's pretty much the most important skill in life. 




I'm lonely all the time. I wake up alone, go out to eat alone; concerts, movies, museums, everywhere alone. And while I'm out I'm just hyperaware of everyone looking at me. Even talking to cashiers or servers I'm awkward and stumble, sound like an idiot and beat myself up for it all day. I don't even want to leave my apartment sometimes thinking how taxing it is to be around so many people anywhere I go.




 I work a retail job and it's a cool job but I constantly stumble and sound awkward as hell with customers and coworkers alike. Which makes me beat myself up again, which makes me more anxious, and it's a cycle. My coworkers like me well enough but think I'm awkward, quiet and kinda weird. 



Even if I try to force myself to be social and go out somewhere with people I can never be in the moment. I'm constantly spaced out and analyzing. I'm more like an outside observer than someone really in the situation. And when I leave I just feel worse for having gone out and seemed so weird. 



I've only been in one relationship ever but it started in high school and we broke up almost 4 years ago now. It sounds stupid but I really crave someone to care about and care about me in a relationship, but it feels like that's impossible to ever happen. My heart practically beats out of my chest at the thought of approaching a girl I like, and I sound like a 12 year old saying that but it's true. And I know if I did actually try I'd mess it up and seem like an idiot/creep. 





I'd give anything else up. I'd rather not be smart, funny, curious, hardworking, whatever good qualities I may have. None of them really help you if you're stuck in your own head and don't have the social skills to connect to the world.