I keep trying to help myself and move forward but being in the present is so painful. I knew trying to help others and be less selfish with my mental illness but I’m struggling to choose me and not give my energy away to people who bring me down.

I have the tiniest support system and very few people who love me and want to protect me too. 

I know it’s my responsibility but I mourn not having a family (I’m an orphan) to fall back on on hard times. My mental load is large and crushing me, the people around me only want more and more. I’m a single mom and my life needs rebuilding from the ground up. I know I can do it but I just need a break and to feel safe. 

It’s so hard to find babysitting, its even harder not to feel guilty for wanting it.

I just need to whinge where someone might listen.