I think I am finally getting rid of my last fp. For context he’s had the worst emotional grip someone’s ever had over me. And essentially still perfect, I used to not be able to find a single fault on him. Aside from having long term memory loss from trauma and being in a trauma environment I am not in a good situation. I just feel miserable because I miss that. Because my current situation is worse. I miss him being my fp. Because it wasn’t only him. That environment helped me find my life worthwhile. I was loved at least. And yes he made me feel horrible, but at least I felt something. I miss him so much, and although it has been months since I last saw him It still hurts the same, even more. And I can’t stop wishing that I had my life back. That I could just talk to him again. That I could love again. I just want to feel for something. It feels so empty. And I’m trying so hard to not call or send a text that will end up unanswered and I’ll just feel even emptier. 
But now there’s very little left of my will and very little things I enjoy. And no dreams and no aspirations. And I can’t get the help I need and everything is just fucking stupid