I have so many symptoms of BPD please don’t judge me i can’t get diagnosed my situation doesn’t really allow me to access a psychologist...but i am almost textbook definition bpd (extreme anger, emotional outbursts, rejection issues, splitting all that) and honestly my amazing relationship is going downhill because of me. I love this person so much but they don’t think i do because i act so horrible to them. I mean it’s bad like getting physical , emotional abuse, extremely unpredictable moods, and just overall not a great person to be around.

I try telling him that i have issues and I’m sorry for how i act , it’s no excuse but i promise i love him and i just very easily loose control over my emotions. He laughs at the fact that i try to blame my issues on having a mental health problem, he just calls me bitchy and says i hate him. I love him and i just get upset and say mean things.
 
I get upset bc other people in my life have struggled with mental health issues, and he has seemed concerned. Why do people not view my awful symptoms as a legit medical condition? Nope, apparently I’m just some “cold hearted psychotic bitch,” when really I’m just a confused, angry mentally ill person who isn’t able to get the proper treatment at the moment (maybe they are synonyms LOL). But i really don’t mean half the things i do. I regret so much. I cry and say i need help and he goes “what do you mean help? Just stop acting like that” it makes me feel bad about myself and like i can’t go to him with my mental health problems. 

I am 100% the problem, not him. Not asking for advice, just wondering if anyone went through something similar. i don’t think he knows what BPD is and I’m embarrassed to show him. No need to sugar coat things, tell me how it is.