Every past relationship I’ve been in has been so similar. They always seem to fall in love with the fun side of my impulsiveness. We get close so quickly, fall in love so deeply, have a lot of fun, move in together fast. Plan our future ect. Then I end up getting bored, they can never keep up with me, with my drinking, drugs and partying habits. Then they just annoy me, I split on them like crazy. I start getting angry over the smallest things. We both become confused to where the fun, carefree, chill girl went. I become depressed and relapse into self harm. I stay because I hold onto how good things once were, even though I have many plans on how to end it and where I can live. Then I start talking to someone new, someone that becomes my favourite person. I have this weird obsession with “forbidden love” so it’s like I’m playing out a book in my head. I love the thrill of secretly talking to them, soon after I end things with my SO abruptly and don’t really talk to them again.

I’ve been with my current SO for over a year now. He is the kindest person I have ever met. I honestly don’t know how I got so lucky. I get along with his family as if they were my own, the first time I’ve ever felt part of a family. He’s so perfect, I couldn’t stand the times I’ve upset him so I’ve mainly directed everything internally. There’s nothing wrong with him, it’s all me. It’s lead to one of the worst depressive episodes of my life, but he has stuck by me the whole time.

Any advice on how to deal with boredom in relationships? Or splitting? I don’t want to fall back into the same things I’ve done before. He deserves the best me I can be, I just don’t know how to hold onto that person.

I’ve got therapy appointments booked but they are all booked out until next year. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you