So after nearly committing suicide and essentially being diagnosed by a psychiatrist and a psychologist, I've spent a few weeks in therapy now with a psychologist specializing in mood disorders and during our last appointment she worked through the DSM criteria for BPD with me and concluded, "Yes, you meet all the criteria."

In a way, I consider this a victory. It confirms and validates for me the seriousness of what I feel like I am dealing with and have battled for a long time now. Now I know it is something serious and dysfunctional that I must learn to cope with. I've never felt normal. Now I can feel validated in this feeling. I don't have to try to "feel normal" anymore. However, I don't want to be normal, either. I want to be who I am. I want to drive to perfection all the admirable qualities I find in myself. I want to be extraordinary. To date, my life has been dominated by many unhealthy emotional and social habits, and it's taken a toll on me. These habits are also 'abnormal' — the vices of BPD. Yet I truly believe that BPD is a blessing and a curse. The sheer magnitude of emotion that I can feel sometimes is magnificent, when they are positive emotions: inspiration, motivation, compassion, love. To be sure, negative emotions are just as powerful: grief, sadness, resentment, anger, jealousy, rejection. These can destroy me, they almost did. But I must learn to recognize these particular vulnerabilities that are peculiar to people who are borderline. I must tread more carefully in certain situations. Likewise, I also must learn to cultivate my propensity for feeling positive emotions to a powerful degree. I think I can do *so much* with my life if I can harness the power of these emotions. There are, in my view, a unique advantage I possess. Yes abandonment and my fear of it can be overpowering. But if I can bend my mind to understand and pursue situations that help to mitigate and even erase this fear, my *motivation* in that regard, and happiness as a result, is unstoppable. That's only one example of how I can transform my vulnerabilities and fears into strengths in certain situations. I've *felt* this before; now I understand it and can use it to my benefit.

We are continuing to work through DBT skills, which I think in the end will be somewhat helpful for me. However I won't be able to continue this therapy indefinitely due to financial constraints. Nevertheless, I wanted to share these achievements here because they represent substantial progress for me. Good luck everyone.