Hello,
I was hospitalized for a failed suicide attempt in February, and since then I've been dissociating. I am so numb - my laughs and smiles are only reflexive. But the pain is still there, roiling around inside me. Honestly, this might be worse than feeling the pain head-on. For the love of all things holy, how do I stop this?

I have dissociated before, but not for this long. I'm subconsciously blocking everything because the pain would be too much to deal with. But now this has become too much to deal with. 

It feels like I'm on the outside looking in. Or that my very being is locked in a glass cage inside of my body just watching my flesh go through the motions of life. I don't feel love from anyone, and for the first time in my life I'm acting pissy with the friends I've clung to so hard in the past for support because I just don't FEEL. But it's still there, it just won't come out! I want to cry again. I'm getting so desperate. The pain is too much now.  