Hi again,
This is something I’ve struggled with for a while since receiving my diagnosis and familiarising myself with my disorder. While I experience having a favourite person and going through horrific emotional turmoil if I lose them, it’s like I care for them from a distance. I can’t spend more than 2-3 hours with them and spending multiple days with partners makes me absolutely despise their existence to put it simply and I get bored of them very quickly. I can’t keep a consistent relationship, I’ve had multiple partners and as evil as it is I’ve always ended up cheating on them because I feel like the chase is what I’m after then once that’s over I’ve kind of emotionally checked out. I know it’s the complete opposite for the majority of bpd people but I really don’t understand why I feel/act this way. If context helps my dad was the reason I developed this disorder due to his abuse in childhood and he was a serial cheater so I worry that’s what’s caused me to behave this way, but even he could maintain relationships to an extent where I am constantly splitting up with my partners then getting back together with them, and the longest consistent relationship I’ve had is a month. I just wonder if anyone feels this way or if it’s just me and I’ve been misdiagnosed. I’m sorry for sounding like such a bad person but I don’t want to be this way, I hate myself for putting my partners through this but selfishly I can’t stand being alone.