I have been going to therapy weekly for about a month now and we have touched on a couple different topics just obviously seeing what I need help with the most and stuff. My last session was so incredibly draining bc we started talking about self compassion and cognitive distortions. I am aware of my self defense mechanisms but the session kinda just opened my eyes to the sheer amount and by extension how entrenched I am I using them. I almost had a panic attack towards the end of the call and spent the next hour crying until my bf got home and tried to explain to me that I'm going to be okay and I'm going to learn better ways to handle anxiety and everything. I can't see to stop the intrusive thought of "change is going to be so hard and might not even work so why try?". 
Idk if I'm even asking for advise or if I just needed a place to vent but thanks for reading this all the way through if you did.