I’m a guy with BPD, recently received my diagnosis and a lot of things in my past make sense now that I can look at them through the lens of BPD (definitely think I present “quietly”).

 I feel like BPD makes fear of rejection so much worse, especially when I’ve already imagined a life together with this person and she doesn’t even know I have feelings for her! And like in my past relationships I was always so concerned for their wellbeing and making sure that they were happy I would neglect to look out for my own happiness and kind of,”expect” them to take care of me the same way, but then they wouldn’t of course because who can read minds? And then I always get frustrated and withdraw and I feel stupid talking about my feelings because they don’t make sense and I felt they would judge me based on my feelings. And then if and when I split on them (didn’t happen often but when it did it was always a big deal) I dont know how to fix it. 

I’m currently single and I think it’s gonna stay that way because I need to work on myself. And besides, I don’t know how to even begin approaching a woman. Some of my friends say to just meet a stranger and try to date them but that idea makes me highly uncomfortable, being that vulnerable. And like I feel like baggage I don’t want to thrust myself upon some random girl just because I want to feel loved and accepted..... nobody deserves that right?

I guess I just want to feel like somebody loves me despite the blahhhh in my head..... like I want a girl to choose me and not let me go but that doesn’t happen :(