Currently a 19 y/o university student who has been battling with motivation and drive for the past couple years. I'm in my second year of university and I've dropped almost as many classes as I've passed, my transcript is full of W's and I'm only in my second year. I lie to everyone in my life about this, including my parents, close friends, and people I meet in my classes. I'm ashamed of where I'm at both academically and personally, and how I have squandered all of the opportunities I've been given.  A couple months ago I saw a practitioner about possible ADHD, I was diagnosed and began taking medication; I really thought this would help but it seems to have had no effect on my motivation, in some spots I have actually gotten worse. For the past couple of years I have wanted to die, but I don't want to commit suicide, I'm debating just driving out to the mountains and walking until I cant go any further. Reading lots of the posts on this sub, I am experiencing much of the same things as you guys are, however I do not have money to go to therapy and as I said before, most of the image I put out is a façade, I have no one in my life total to about these problems. I don't even know why I'm posting this rn, all this sub does is echo, but I needed to vent.