I've done this almost my entire life  (I'm 25), mainly after adolescence when I started forming relationships with other girls/women. I befriended some of the ones that had BPD extremely quickly and became very close almost in no time. I'm a very empathetic person and enjoy deep open conversations and if I feel comfortable I open up almost immediately. I have had about 10 close friendships with people with BPD. I almost feel as if I'm attracting them or it's just something about my own personality. Many of these relationships ended in conflict and myself emotionally drained after they do something extremely risky and/or hurtful to me. I end up feeling defeated and with no other option than to end the relationship or keep them at arms length for respect to my own mental health. However I have two friends now that I consider my closest that I am able to recognize different symptoms and how to manage expectations and the varying intensity of these relationships... It's very important to me to not necessarily judge them but understand the disorder and how they handle their emotions (or lack thereof sometimes.) 

&amp;#x200B;

I have for a long time considered if I had BPD, which might answer the question of why I have so many friends with it. After consulting basically every therapist and psychiatrist I've spoken to about it, they don't think I could be diagnosed. I deal with major depression and anxiety. So I check off more than a few boxes but like a lot of personality disorders there is a lot of overlap between symptoms and variables. 

&amp;#x200B;

My mom has noticed this happen all my life, forming quick fast relationships that often end in flames. She says I'm a collector of broken toys. I think that's a little unfair to say, since I'd consider myself a broken toy for the most part. Struggling with mental health does not make us unfit for healthy relationships and I think I see myself in others and am drawn to them.

&amp;#x200B;

But at the same time I'm sometimes feeling like I'm justifying certain actions. The ones that hurt me the most are ghosting, lying, manipulating situations and forming attachments to other people extremely quickly and sometimes ignoring me over them. It leaves my extremely sensitive self feeling betrayed, unwanted and easily replaced. I'm still struggling with my brain to determine if it's excusable or if it's something I should try and address. I just see these things happen over and over in relationships with different people and I recognize certain patterns.

&amp;#x200B;

I'm just looking for some insight and if this is even a healthy mindset to have about my friends. 