There have been a few times in my life when ive gone through a lot of very hard emotional stuff and I just forget so many thing during those times.


6/7th grade, had a very bad friend who harrassed me. I know je hit me a few times, i know he came to my jouse one day asking for me, I know one day he sat on tip of me at lunch and wouldnt get off, i know I got in trouble bevause i kicked him, but I wonder so much now. Everyone told me i was making it up or it was my fault and now im wondering how many things he did do i not remember. It was a few years ago, but I vividly remember some things but so much of that ive forgotten.

Age 14-15, my mom left my stepdad and her and i moved in with my grandma as my mom virtually (and eventually in person) cheated with a guy accross the state's. We lived in 2 different cities and I remember a lot about the first one, but the second barely at all. This is the one I just realized. Like that second city I forgot so much. It was like 8 months there and I remember going to walmart with my grandma a few times, my mom sleeping on the couch, me crying in bed. I remember when we first got there it snowed a little even though it was the desert. But for so much of it shes gone. Now she was gone some of the time but collectively maybe a montj out of those 8, but I dont remember her being there hardly at all. I know she had to have been based on timelines, but in my head she had to have been gone almost all of the time. Like theres too much time alone in my room tham could have actually happened.

16-17, I dated a bad manipulative guy so I was constantly stressed. It got to the point that i would 'stop' and kind of go away, mentally. Like thats when I noticed a lot of stuff. Like when it would get too much id stop feeling. Id go from balling my eyes out to stoic, but barely aware of what was going on. If I got too emotional I would lose the ability to speak, I dont think it physically hurt, but it would hurt somewhere if I did speak. And id forget myself. Id forget where I was, what i was doing, some days even who i was. There was a day that I went to get the mail, got out to the mailbox and forgot what I was doing, and took a 3 mile walk along a freeway in the middle of june or july in the middle of the day. I truly feel horrible about this part, but my dog was with me. At a certain point I turned around but we were both so hot and tired and he kept laying down panting (that helped me come out of 'it' mostly). Like in the ladt bit id have to carry him (80 pound dog) for as long as I could before id habe to set him down and rest. We finally got jome and I took a cold shower and gave him loads of water. Thankfully ive never had anything that drastic again, but id still forget stuff all the time. Therw habe been days at work where id have to keep saying in my head what I was supposed to do or id just stand and stare off into space.

Idk whats wrong with me. Honestly theres more (sometimes i see thing that try to get me to hurt myself and scare me really bad) anxiety night terrors probable depression. Idk I cant get any help rn and I dont know whatat to do, but im worried theres sometjing more serious wrong with me.

Idk I guess im kinda venting and seeing if anyone else is similar, I'm jsut worried for me because I'm usually normal but layely been extra depressed and its making some old thing come back Idk. My brain aint songood i guess lol