When I get upset especially when things do not go the way I planned I experience awful violent thoughts. The only thing I can bring myself to do is lay in bed and bitch at anyone who tries to talk to me. 
The feelings are so overwhelming I cant get them out of my mind, they're the most violent thoughts of destruction is frightening and makes me cry. Most of the thoughts are about hurting myself and destroying everything in my house then burning it down I often wish there were 2 of me so I could torture myself in the most vicious ways and tear myself apart into tiny pieces. I dont know how I will deal with this when school starts again in 3 days I've gotten myself into trouble at school and it's my last year i just want to graduate and be free. Im afraid of how I'll react when I cant lay under a blanket and keep people away from me. 

The last school I was at I hated and I wanted to leave and go back to my old school so I embarrassed myself horrifically and made a big scene kicking every trash can and laying in the street. I cant face that kind if embarrassment again I know I should beable to control myself but I dont know how. I feel insane and hopeless.