This is my first time posting here but I wanted to get advice. I honestly do like myself. I believe I have achieved a lot in my years on earth and I’ve even indulged in my own passions with great success. From how my mind perceives the people around me, they always seem pleased to be around me. In their eyes I’m the tall, kind, comedic guy who never has anything bad to say. Someone who they trust in or come to for a good laugh. And I love that. I am a people pleaser. I don’t do it out of selfish reasons. I just love making people happy. But in my time alone my reflections really take a toll on me. I don’t want to self diagnose myself, but I have had therapists recommend that I get a diagnosis for either ADHD/OCD/Or Both because my symptoms are so strong. I am great at hiding my feelings. I am great at hiding my OCD ticks. But I can’t hide them from my mind. They are so frequent throughout my daily life that it is exhausting and even more exhausting to try and hide them to be normal. Constantly having to do random mental rituals to avoid my anxiety triggers prevents me from focusing on my job, school, the army, my friends, family. My mind will tell me to do things I don’t want to do to prevent negative consequences and the fear makes me do it despite me not wanting to. No one in my life seems to take OCD or ADHD seriously which is depressing because when it is strong it is a truly terrifying experience. My mind often takes priority over others when it comes to my OCD/ADHD problems. I’m dealing with trauma of being sexually assaulted, army experiences, and poor family relationships, and it gets so hard to move on and just be content. I am thankful for my opportunities and achievements but I would go crazy continuing my life this way for years. I don’t see the point of living. I don’t want to die. But this lack of a purpose has been driving me nuts. I want to be better than what I currently am and what my family laid out for me. Sorry for the long vent. I just realized that scary thought about not caring for my life anymore today, and I hate that negative trajectory. I just remember the kid I was, who was in love with cinema and used to create these films to show in class and I was so proud of them. I felt that I had a purpose and it’s depressing that I don’t feel the same way about life.