This week i started a new job. First day, have a pretty severe anxiety attack, but managed to stay on the job and finish my day. Next two days i do... ok. No good, not great, still a bit down, but way better. Today... i just lost it. Severe panick attack in the morning, before even leaving home. Had to go to the hospital. Overwelmed with saddness, crying non stop for a couple hours... Still managed to go to work and talk to my superior. She was very understanding, and i got the day off. Now i just heard my boss will pass me to home office and... i wanted that, yes, but fuck, not **like this**. Not for **this** reason. And while i know i should be gratefull to still have a job, i can't help but think this battle i just completelly lost.

I will still do my best. I will try to get better, and to not make light of the opportunity i still have. I have not and will not just trow the towel. But fuck if i'm not sad right now.