My father is a high-functioning drunkard who purposely makes fights with people on phone when he's drunk. My father has been drinking almost my whole life but recent years he's got worse. He never hit us, but his behavior got worse. He keeps lying he will come for lunch but doesn't come, for dinner he says he comes and comes home late with parcel(despite knowing we have dinner early). He plays mind games with my mom and gaslighting her. He got in trouble before for messing with politicians but he still doesn't mend his ways. There's also the fact that he doesn't care much for hygiene or diet and I fear he or mom(who r ignorant or don't care for health issues) will pass and leave me alone. I know nothing.

The worst part is my grandmother. My dad usually was good and helpful but she has brainwashed him against my mom, and when he starts quarrels with mom and my mom retaliates, my grandma starts muttering that my mom is quarrelsome. She usually lives at our old place, but my dad leaves her here around 3 or 4 at noon and then runs off to drink away(while giving excuses that he has "work"). There's no end to his rubbish behavior. 

I'm almost whole day at home with my mom(thanks to online classes), and I have to bear brunt of her frustration and rants. I'm her punching bag and if I don't agree to eat something or refuse to tolerate her nagging she starts accusing me of being as bad as my father. She's also close minded on many things(has ridiculous ideologies) and talks coldly if I don't do what she wants. 

I suspect I have some mental illnesses like ADHD. According to my mom I'm just lazy and every mistake of mine she magnifies and makes me feel like the worst human (she's the main reason I have insecurities like height, earlier weight etc). 
I am somewhat sensitive so if I cry she starts acting that I'm dramatic or starts her own whining(even though she's more sensitive than me, she can't understand my feelings and is insensitive about me). If I talk about going to psychiatrist (which I want to) my parents will wave it off like I'm overthinking, or make fun of me. 

Since the pandemic/online classes started I feel really distracted, and absolute lack of motivation. Earlier I was excited about my future career but now I don't have any interest at all. At this point I'm slogging but now there's come a point in my college studies where I can't slog and actually have to pay attention to what is taught to understand it. Lot of times I can't bring myself to care if I pass or fail. I don't feel like doing anything, whether it's cleaning room or arranging books in order or completing them. I don't even want to attend college, I can't focus whether it's offline or online. My family issues also somewhat hindering it, and to avoid thinking all of it I constantly drift to the world of fanfiction.

My mom should've left my dad long ago, even threatened to leave him. I myself gave him so many threats but he still doesn't budge. But due to some reasons we can't. 

Some weeks ago my dad himself got a kitten without prompt, and it's mostly mom and me who care for the kitten, bcoz dad is rarely at home. My father is clingy to him and insists on making the cat sleep next to him on his bed. Yesterday late night my dad was screaming profanities on phone for trivial reasons even though the kitty was in his room and would have got scared. We got to his room(me and mom share a room while dad shares with his mom) and called out his behavior and took the cat out(who was just staring at us and dad). Some hours later my dad forcibly carried him back in his room and started fawning at him. I confronted him about the noise he made in the little one's presence and he just ignored that and spoke nonsense. 

I'm totally tired of interacting with him or even my other family. My mom wants me to fight my dad and grandma at her behest but at this point I can't give a fck.(except yesterday when I got scared for the cat). I mean how much am I supposed to waste my energy on those two lost cases? I told mom the same thing but she continues to fall for dad's baits. 

Our relatives are such normal folks I seriously envy them. They all have stable relationships and are social people (my dad is extrovert too but he's a nutjob as well). Idk why only my household had to have such rotten people. I got the worst genes from them and I bear the brunt of it everyday. I think all our relatives know what's going on in our fam(mom bluntly told many of them about my grandma and dad), but I don't think they know the extent and I feel so angry that we have such different circumstances and I'm so inferior in so many aspects and how I have to struggle with so many issues while the folks just know "don't worry it will get better pray to god" lmao if God cared a damn he wouldn't have created such an unfair world in the first place.