Idk even what help I need or where to go. I don't want endless therapy but I do need help. My breaking point was when I broke my windshield in my car today because of my anger issues. That's one of many things I've broken. I've been having major problems with rapid cycling lately that it's not even funny. I imagine myself hanging from ceiling and the fact that that thought doesn't disturb me scares me. 
I will get better, I don't want to be self destructive anymore.