I'm writing this here because I'm sitting in the dark and crying, trying very hard to do the right thing for myself and not reach out to my FP.  
He left 5 months ago, it was really messy.  
Long story short, the reason I've had such a hard time moving on bc I need to always be obsessively in love w someone. Idk how to not have an FP.

I would never have given up on him and he just walked out on me. He kept reassuring me I never had to worry about him leaving. He said it even a day before he left.  
I don't want back anyone who doesn't want me in their life, of course. But when he first left I really begged, threw all my pride out the window. I cringe when I think about it now.  
Now I'm just livid and hurting and idk what to do with all the love I had for him. I don't know where to put it.

I'm working 24/7. I workout, I embroider, I have friends with whom I spend time, I am functional and productive.  
But at the end of the day, I go to bed either being sickeningly nostalgic or furious at him.  
I'm in therapy but if someone offered me some magic amnesia beans I would pop that shit without a second thought. Anything to stop this literal knot in my chest.