My moms favorite thing to do growing up was to ask me my feelings and then blow up and say “if that’s how you feel, I’ll show you how that REALLY feels then”. 

I always had to clean up after everyone and cook dinner and everything for my family when my parents divorced. I asked for help with the dishes one night after I cooked dinner because “I’m the only one that washes them and I would like a break” and she responded “if that’s how you feel, I’ll show you how that really feels then”.


I asked growing up why my sister was the favorite (2 years older than me) and why nobody cared about how my day was at school or what my friends names were or even my favorite color. She replied “if that’s how you feel, I’ll REALLY show you how that feels”. I was like 7 or 8 and I cried all night.

I went through all of my college application process alone. My mom was there supporting my sister ( 2 years older than me) the entire way and was genuinely interested in the process and where she was applying. Nobody cared when I did it. One day I cried because I didn’t know how to do something in regards to the application and no one would help me. She asked what was wrong. I told her I went through the entire process of applying to schools, paying for deposits , having no one to proofread my personal statements , no one caring about me even attending college , no one helping me understand how the process works, no one taking me on campus tours like my sister and it kind of hurts because I thought everyone would be excited like they were for her. And she blew up and said “ well if that’s how you REALLY feel I’ll SHOW YOU how that feels”. I got up the nerve to ask “what satisfaction do you get from that? Instead of reassuring me that you support me and want to be involved , continuing to not support me and not be involved out of spite? ”. She couldn’t answer. It still fucks with me. 

That’s are just a couple examples but I can’t stop replaying that in my head right now. Because my partner and I are in a LDR , we got into a argument/discussion over FaceTime and after asking what was wrong and I told them they blew up and said they had to go. They always have to go after I express what’s wrong. And then never text me back and demand I text back when they finally do text back. 

Everyone always just leaves me alone with my feelings after they make me verbally say them and it hurts because then I actually HAVE to see them brush them off and not care. It would be easier to hold it in bc then I wouldn’t know 100% that they didn’t care and could pretend they did. 