I feel like a complete and utter idiot. I got kicked out of school because of (emerging) BPD episodes and self harming. This was when I was around 12/13. Lived in camhs psych wards pretty much all of my teenage years and never had any schooling because of how unwell I was. Came back to my hometown at 17 with ZERO life experience. Worked my ass off to even adjust into society whilst institutionalised. Somehow passed an open uni access course at 19. Got into university with no qualifications or education other than that and now i’m struggling more than I ever have. I’ve never used excel. I’ve never done even basic secondary school education, even though I was more than capable. I’m so angry at myself for getting kicked out of school. I cried and cried when they kicked me out because I loved learning so much. Now I’m directionless. I cry every time I have to use my own initiative. I don’t know the basics so when I’m set an assignment I get overwhelmed. I know how to write an essay, but I have no fucking clue what I’m writing about because all the pieces of information I should have learned previously are not there. I know deep down that I’m not dumb. That’s why I’m so frustrated. I feel cheated. Now I think I’m gonna fail out of uni. It feels so unfair. I try my hardest but I don’t have the advantage of an education. I’m so stressed all the time and I know all students are but like, I’ve never done this before. Any of this. All I know is hospital beds, medication, being locked in all day. Crying. Screaming. Fighting them to go home. Self harming because I was so depressed because I KNEW I was missing opportunities. Being stuck in the system with BPD is shit. That was my life ALL OF MY CHILDHOOD. I WISH I WENT TO SCHOOL. I WISH I DID MY GCSES. I WISH THE PEOPLE WHO LOOKED AFTER ME CARED ENOUGH TO MAKE MY EDUCATION A PRIORITY. BPD is hell, and the fall out of it is even worse. I’m so mad because it hasn’t only took my education. It took my social life, my physical health, my birthdays, my prom, my EVERYTHING and it sucks. It fucking sucks.