I graduated high school with a 3.6 GPA and had a 3.5 in college. I don't have a degree because I dropped out of college when my mental state declined from the stress. I was only doing 2-3 classes at a time, but apparently, even that was too much for me at the time. It's been two years since I dropped out and I still haven't gotten a job. I've NEVER had a job. This is because of how terrible my normal anxiety, social anxiety, and depression have affected me. I've been doing well this past year or so because my family got me a second dog around last November. I love animals more than anything and they have helped me significantly with easing my anxiety. Therefore, I've always known that, in order for me to work efficiently and without having an anxiety attack, it HAS TO be with animals.

I want to work in Animal Care. I'm referring to pet sitting, dog daycares, kennel attendants, etc. The other issue is that I don't have a driver's license (also due to my anxiety) and oftentimes these jobs require a license. I've only found a few that don't.

Now to my actual point, the rest was background info.

So, I failed miserably...

I finally applied for a job for the first time in my life at 21!! This alone was a huge accomplishment in itself and I'm proud of myself for at least that much. However, it didn't go well. NOTHING EVER HAPPENED THOUGH, IT WAS ALL ME, AGAIN.

I applied to a dog daycare that I met the requirements of, it was close by, they didn't care about a license as long as I had a reliable form of transportation. I'd have been alone with 10-15 dogs. This is literally PERFECT for someone like me in my circumstances so I can't believe what I did, and I'm still beating myself up over it, as I should.

THEY GOT BACK TO ME THE NEXT MORNING. I had poured my heart out in my cover letter expressing how much I love animals and how I've taken care of my own. They said that they loved my enthusiasm and were surprised by the amount of knowledge I had despite no job experience. IT WAS A MIRACLE. BUT GUESS WHAT? I never replied... fml. My anxiety got to me and suddenly I was extremely convinced that taking an 11 hour night shift was definitely too much for me. Yes, that kind of shift would sound awful to anyone but I'm still beating myself up anyway. I don't think I'm going to be able to find another job that suits me and my situation as well as this one. 

At this time, I keep telling myself and those around me that I'm just looking for another job like this that is during a normal day shift. However, I have this fear inside of me that it isn't just the fact that it was an inconvenient shift. I'm afraid that even when I do find the same position with a better shift, I'm going to spiral again and ghost them like I did the first time...

I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or comfort, honestly, it's probably both. I can't go to my family with this because they don't take my anxiety seriously and look down on me for not being like my siblings. I would appreciate anyone and everyone that replies. I have no one else to go to.