 I just realized, the reason I hesitate to enjoy anything without immediately going on the defense and mocking it - it's a fucking trauma response from my Mother.

She would do it whenever I was enjoying anything or just trying to find new hobbies. She'd sit there for a moment, slowly cracking a smile before making some snide comment.

Example: I was singing a song I'd really come to love, and she responded with: 

"Who sings that song?" 

Me: AC/DC... 

Her: "Keep it that way."

Immediately, I stopped singing and went to my room to lie down. To this day, singing is nearly impossible unless I'm entirely home alone. She made fun of anything I did...and a small part of her wormed it's way into my brain and lives there. How do I remove her influence?