I've always hated myself and I've never been confident but the last few weeks have been awful. I'm talking obsessively picking out every single flaw I have at least twice a day, covering and avoiding mirrors, scratching and picking at my skin until it bleeds, pulling strands of my hair out, comparing myself to every other female I know and so on. I feel so fucking ugly and vile and I don't know what to do.

Some days are easier than others and I think I've mastered hiding how I actually feel about myself but only because no one listens and no one understands. I don't ever feel good enough for my friends or my boyfriend and it makes me so sad. I'm purposely avoiding people because of this fucking thing going on in my head.

I also keep making up scenarios that will probably never happen but they eventually become so overwhelming and realistic to me that I end up doubting every single thing/person in my life and pushing them away. 

I was genuinely so fucking happy with everything in my life and now I'm stuck in this bullshit cycle for no reason at all. I don't want to feel like this anymore. 