I miss it so much. Im on 5 different meds now and it’s been working for these last few months. But summers here and part of me wants to stop the meds and feel that amazing confidence and euphoria. I even want the rage, existential restlessness, impulsiveness and wrecklessness.

Last may was my first full blown manic episode and it was absolutely the best and worst time of my life. I miss that feeling of being unhinged and free. Everyone around me said i was way too “i don’t give a fuck”-esque but i could never pin point why or how i came across that way so it never even bothered me. Very care free.

And the new found confidence led me to *finally* lose my virginity so the ability to be charming and witty is also something i miss. 

I do not miss the depression though.
Absolutely debilitating. 

Anyone else feel the same ?