
cw: sex talk,cw: emotional abuse, cw: possible physical abuse 

i’ve been going through a lot. i’ve been working hard on the mindfulness skill when it comes to taking control of my actions and my emotions. i asked my roommate and friend to not project things onto me, which then turned into get another argument because they thought that i was trying to say that i wouldn’t take responsibility for things that may have lead up to their reactions, which i have and apologized for. they want an apology for making them feel bad, which isn’t something i made them do. that was their emotional reaction.  on top of this roommate issue, i’m dealing with having ptsd panic attacks in my sleep because i keep having nightmares about my dad because my roommate and their partner yelled at me over the phone. yelling is a major trigger, and now i’m afraid of both my roommate and their partner.  i think me being scared, especially of mg roommates male partner, that he’s going to physically retaliate at me — which kinda confirms that my dad was also physically abusive. 

last night was the first night in a week i didn’t have a nightmare about my dad screaming at me. this morning i had amazing sex with my partner and after my orgasm, i just started crying. everything just started spilling out and i feel horrible. i can’t tell my roommate because they’re just going to take it personally and think i’m trying to not take responsibility. is it normal for the brain to process things after an intense orgasm?