I don’t really know what to do. This is a rant because I don’t know how to fix it or what advice I’m seeking. 

My boyfriend of about one year (living together for 3 months) has struggled with anxiety for most of his life. I was diagnosed with social anxiety about 6 weeks ago. 

His anxiety is over surprises, or feeling like he’s left out of the loop. My anxiety is over conflict, people pleasing, etc. 

He has been really supportive, telling me he knows therapy is hard, he knows what anxiety feels like, he’s here for me, etc. I’ve done my best to be there for him when he’s anxious too. 

But... when he’s anxious, he is blunt. He says things without thinking how they’ll make me feel. He wants things done his way and my way is wrong. He asks me to do things that I’m not okay with. 

Him being anxious makes me anxious... when he’s blunt, I feel like I did something wrong even when I know I didn’t. I feel like I have to fix it even if it’s not my responsibility. I take on his anxiety and try to make it better, which makes mine worse. 

He’s said things many times like “you can always talk to me. Don’t be afraid to speak up if something bothers you.” It made me feel safe (I **really** struggle with this) and I told him about something in our relationship that bothered me. It didn’t go well, and he got anxious and blunt, and I wished I never brought it up. Felt like the rug was yanked out from under me, like he was all talk but didn’t actually mean it. 

He doesn’t think about what he says, while I think too much and end up not saying anything. I’m scared to talk to him now because I feel like anything I say about the relationship that bothers me will make him anxious and defensive. 

I’m in therapy and he isn’t. I want to tell him he needs to see a therapist but even with that I’m afraid he’ll get anxiety over me feeling anxious about him. I can’t live with conflict so I try to resolve it by appeasing his anxiety, and he can’t ever seem to put himself in my shoes to understand how I feel.