In 2019 my long-term relationship of six years ended, and I grieved for more than half the year after. I hated myself, felt incredibly lonely, and it felt like my life was already over (though I am still in my 20s lol). Going into 2020 I told myself it would be different and I'd finally start working on my career. So 2020 comes, I'm doing good in college as well as work, and then quarantine hits. After a couple of months I start to get lazy and spent too much time thinking about past shame. One of my classmates ended up emailing me asking if I was interested in talking. I was lonely and had almost nobody so I said yes. We end up talking blah blah. He says he's happy talking to me. I feel less like shit. I end up making moves and sleeping with him. I was sex-repulsed the first time, second time, and third time. I kept wanting to feel good by having sex, but it only lead to more guilt. We didn't share anything in common besides our choice of major, but what actually made me end that relationship was learning that he was not in support of BLM and LGBTQ, and he turned me into an "other" for laughs. He told me that he told his parents that he had been seeing me, they asked if I was Christian, he said I was Buddhist (because I am partially Asian, but I am not Buddhist and he knew that) just so his parents would be disapproving and he could get a good laugh. I felt so rejected even though I'm not Buddhist, but my family actually is and I was raised in that environment. Not only this, but he also said "My people" this and that as well as saying we needed a white history month as well as a straight pride month...I actually get a good laugh from that one honestly, but what the actual fuck...So my loneliness and my being completely destructive and dumb caused me to have sex with someone this ignorant and bigoted. I've had many experiences where male friends or coworkers had been interested in me and I had to turn them down, but this is by far the worst interactions I've had yet. This experience was traumatizing enough to swear to remain single and independent until I am ready for a serious relationship. No flings. No casually talking to someone I know is interested in me.