I recently got broken up with. Before I got into the relationship I got diagnosed and it explained a lot. I had no motivation to do anything, everything seemed dull and colourless, and I just didn’t feel anything. I didn’t feel sad, happy, angry etc. I just felt completely numb to the world and it was kinda comfortable, nothing hurt me and I wasn’t too attached to anything.  

But then I met my ex, and suddenly things got a bit brighter. After a while I was motivated, everything was so much more colourful and I actually felt stuff again.  I felt happy, I felt sad and angry, and I felt love and loved. It was a first for me. I’m hindsight I realise I poured all of my self-worth into my relationship. In a sense I put all my eggs in one basket, but I was happy and a little naïve part of me was convinced that it would last forever. 

Well of course it didn’t, and three weeks ago she broke up with me. For about a week I was done. I didn’t get out of bed, I barely ate, I started self-harming again and I drowned my sorrows in cheap beer and anime. I was pathetic and I went back to how I was before. Then slowly, over the last week or so I’ve started sealing off again. I’m getting number and number by the day, everything is losing its colour. But honestly I don’t mind so much, I’d rather be numb than miserable. I still don’t have motivation to do anything more than get up for work, and I still have moments where I just breakdown, but they’re getting further and fewer. I bared everything and got hurt. It was a mistake I’ll be sure not to make again. 

Tldr: I got dumped and now my feelings don’t work again