I’m not diagnosed yet, in the process of it. Damn psych evaluation is months away. But I am petrified on being put on meds. I have bad experiences with medication, one time I nearly died because of it. I’m paranoid that something bad will happen to me if I take any medication. After my near death experience, I even became afraid to take meds that I knew were safe for me and I had taken before.

I want to see if the meds will help me, but I also don’t want to end up in the position I was years ago. I’m also afraid of side effects. I’m scared. I just want to be healthy. Why can’t I have a healthy brain? I’m really struggling today. 

I don’t know if I’m paranoid or just anxious and traumatized. I also keep believing that meds will permanently disable me even more than it does now and that that’s what they want. Im scared. 

Having a bad mental health day.