I am an unemployed 33 year old man that’s been dealing with severe anxiety and depression for a very, very long time. I am also the youngest in the family that I’ve been living with for the past 7 years. Been broke almost my whole life and its insanely difficult to get any kind of treatment for my condition and my family always thought I was being over dramatic so I just ended up keeping to myself. 

I’ve finally, finally landed a job with a decent pay and I am getting the hell out of here for good. But.. I am terrified and sadder than I’ve ever been. I am currently looking for an apartment to move into and with every place I’ve seen I just get scared even more.. I sweat and overthink and just get suicidal. I know I should be grateful but I just. Can’t. Do. That. What is going on? Why am I not happy about it? I realize that it might be that I am out of my comfort-zone and it’s a natural reaction but I just know it isn’t, I know what that’s like and this isn’t it at all. I just want to break down but I don’t know specifically why. I am insanely overthinking everything and I panic and sweat for no damn reason. I am scared to return to an empty house at the end of the day.. it doesn’t make sense cause I’ve always liked being alone. I am not excited about meeting my workmates and already thinking of how to avoid them. 

I hate that I keep thinking I am over dramatic but I can’t help but feel guilty whenever I feel this way. I keep telling myself that people out there have it much worse so I reduce those feelings to nothing and force myself to shutdown and try to be more realistic. 

Thank you for reading my nonsense..