Hi, quick bit of info before I get into this: I am an 18yr old Transgender Female, pre everything. I suffer from anxiety and recently have took an interruption from uni as it become too much mentally.

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Over the past 3/4 days I have felt filled with anxiety, restlessness, anger and suicidal thoughts. My sleep has been awful, struggling to get to and stay asleep. I just feel mentally out of control and mixed with my dysphoria, physically out of sync with my body.

Nothing seems to be going well and I don't know where to go. I thought I was doing well opening up about my gender dysphoria and anxiety to family and I began to feel better, but its all came crashing down again. I have told my GP and have to wait till the 18th for an appointment about my anxiety and I still haven't heard from the gender clinic.

I don't really know what to say in this, I am struggling and typing this is just a way to delay action on these thoughts. I keep getting the urge to punc something: a desk, a wall and sometimes myself. I do it sometimes when it gets to much and although I regret it after it doesn't stop these urges developing again.

How do I stop these urges and suicdal thoughts. I never thought I would get to this stage when I first started noticing my anxiety but here and I am and I can  only see one way out. I am trying to help myself by telling people, using online chat services ect... but nothing seems to work. This is the lowest ive been...

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Sorry this is waffle, it's hard to focus without a clear mind. I will try and summarise my feelings:

   \- I suffer from anxiety and gender dysphoria

   \- I have had urges to self harm through punches

   \- I have developed stronger suicidal thoughts

   \- I am struggling to sleep at night

   \- I don't enjoy the things I used to or anything

   \- I want to be alone most the time

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I am not expecting much and I know the best place is a GP but I just needed something to do to give myself a relief and break from these thoughts/feelings