I swear any therapist worth their salt would tell you that preparing for failure/rejection/heartbreak is not a healthy way to think and live but it is just so hard not to? It’s like I want to get my hopes up but It feels like I just can’t cope with getting them smashed to bits so I temper them and don’t let myself feel too strongly so it won’t be as bad when it inevitably all goes wrong. 

I wish I could just let myself love fully and let myself feel things and not worry about the negative possibilities and embrace the possibility of things working out but I just can’t. Any negative thing that happens just feels like a reinforcement of what you expected and it’s so annoying to be stuck in that cycle.