So, last year I went out with a guy for a couple months. Nothing special, I devoted my entire existence to him which included buying him an unopened version of Gay Monopoly (because he told me it was his favourite board game) which cost me like $600, and then he ghosted me, so you know, the usual.

Fast forward to last night. A guy I’d talked to a couple months back texted me again. I noticed in his profile pic he was with Monopoly boy, and I’m not gonna lie, it was partly why I texted him back. I’ve been slowly getting out of a period of obsession in which I stalked him pretty bad (not just the Internet kind) and seeing him there made me feel sick. But a part of me felt compelled to do it anyway.

So I started talking to this new guy and we really hit it off. He’s cute, funny, texts back. He’s perfect! I decided not to mention the fact that I knew Monopoly boy because I actually wanted this to go right for once. However, it just came up in conversation, Monopoly boy found out and he’s mad at us. Mind you, the new guy doesn’t seem to be that upset at all, but I’m already panicking cause I’m screwing up and I haven’t even met him yet.

I guess the thing that makes me feel worse is that I’d already done something similar. Tried to befriend an ex-fling’s boyfriend and ended up telling him how I felt and blaming him for my depression. You can guess how that ended.

I’m trying to convince myself that this time it’s different, cause they’re just friends and I’m not trying to get back with Monopoly boy, but... what if I am? Do you ever find yourself questioning what the intentions behind your actions really are? I feel like after everything’s over it’s really easy to tell what was really going on, but in the middle of it everything’s so... fuzzy.