God it really fucking hurts when you've been "best friends" with someone for over 15 years then realize it's not that way anymore. I moved to a different city but literally every time I go back to my hometown I ask to hang out. I've just realized she never asks to hang out with me.

What really irks me is that a mutual friend I introduced her to(who I'm not friends with anymore because she drove me nuts), is not worth more than me. Like I'm not saying she shouldn't be friends but it just hurts. My best friend literally hangs out with people who are doing nothing with their lives, she's the only one doing something. And me, doing something with my life? Finishing school, making a name for myself. Make plans with her and visit whenever I can. Nope. But it's probably my fault. No, it is my fault. Because I moved away. People grow apart I guess, and it's my fault I'm losing someone again.

I don't know, part of me is catastrophizing, I know, but coming to this realization that one person I would share everything with and who I grew up with just doesn't care anymore... It really hurts. Especially after I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years. My two people, my two best friends, are gone.

And growing up I was terrible at making friends. Still am, so I literally have no one now. It just really hurts. I want to be on my own and learn to live life alone, without anyone else, but it's so hard.

I don't know. Maybe I'm overreacting and just ranting through here. I'm sorry. It just really hurts me inside. Like a literal pain in my chest and in my head and in my ears. idk. Can anyone relate?