I’ve been depressed for most of my life but it has gotten a lot worse in the past year. I’ve been on a handful of meds but nothing has worked very much. I just started a new combination of meds and EMDR therapy for past trauma so we’ll see how it goes in a month or two.

It feels like I’m filled with this dark cloud that makes me feel guilty for things I shouldn’t feel guilty for. It gives me childlike fears that make me feel like a kid that’s scared of the dark; it makes me feel numb and unhappy. It’s at the point where it seems  the only way to fix it is to kill myself. I don’t want to die, I just can’t stand living like this anymore. It feels like I’m standing in my own way, making myself think these negative thoughts and the things that terrify me. I don’t know how to get out of my own way. People say that it gets better one day at a time, but it doesn’t feel like anything’s changing. Nothing is worth doing anymore; nothing brings me joy. I’m in a constant state of boredom that I can’t get rid of. I feel hopeless. Nothing works, and I just feel like giving up.

Any sort of advice or people that relate to this would rly help me. If anyone can share coping mechanisms or how they worked through it be much appreciated.