I have told very few about this. Please be considerate too since I just write this straight out of my mind due to awkwardness of opening up.

Nevertheless I am diagnosed with ADHD and Autism(ASD) but most of the times I question that and think I have anti social personality disorder, but i'm putting alot of effort on trying to educate myself about myself. I really struggle with finding the motivation of having contact with people if I don't see the meaning of it.

I don't really care and know what people think and feel. But if I do it's because of self-serving purposes. I have always had a violent nature within me too, done some nasty stuff, prematurely sexual, lack of boundaries, etc, my parents didn't mean much to me if any, I can also be manipulative to get what I want, etc. 

My memory is very bad, the remorse and shame I have is more connected to my logical thinking than emotional responses. So for an example I can act in certain ways to get certain results, I don't think I reach further than that. I sort of lack deeper sense of self in personality traits, I struggle to explain myself to others, I am nihilistic, cynicist, I have a rotten sense of humour.

I also tend to switch from hyperenergetic/manic to empty, numb, restless. Sort of a roller-coaster.

Most of my contacts are shallow or temporary. I have a few deeper friendships but we rarely speak at all because we share the same mental pattern.

I might have comorbid diagnoses, I don't know. I also have a pathological egocentricity, so I shift from thinking I have problems to I am the best person in the whole wide world. 

Sidenote:
I think that I need to have control over other people and act codependent or i'll just loose my interest all together and focus all on me again, being isolated and lonely is not in my interests, it stops me from having deeper social connections.

Any ideas about anything?