I hate being conscious and able to think properly, it's unbearable and has too many painful emotions and thoughts. I wish I could just be unconscious all the time, or at least on the verge of unconsciousness. I feel like I'm always waiting to go back to sleep to escape this, always hanging on for the time when I can forget. I contemplate killing myself very often but I just don't know, I always think about that things *could* get better and just lying in bed and trying to sleep is less daunting than death. I revel and fantasise about it though, thinking about what it will be like after I die, imagining never having to put up with any of this again.

I'm a 17M and I feel like my life is falling apart, I can barely think and process things in a normal way anymore and am unable to concentrate properly on any work so I'm basically failing school, I hate this.