My ex and I dated for a bit over a year. I'm f25 and he's m26. He's never been in an adult relationship, and only ever been in one when he was 14. Where as I have more experience dating both men and women.

He was the first person I truly loved and enjoyed extended periods of company. He was the first person I saw having a future with.

He knows I have depressive bipolar disorder, PTSD from domestic violence and BPD. We got into a couple fights towards the end of our relationship in the beginning of the year. His inexperience made him think fighting = not going to work out. He also felt like he wasn't "ready" for a relationship even after a year, we had plans to move in together a month before we broke up. He felt uncomfortable saying he loved me, even though he admitted he did very much and was the first to say "I love you". He used to say things like "you give my life meaning" and "without you I wouldn't be with anyone else". Then suddenly he felt uncomfortable displaying his emotions and wouldn't tell me he loved me anymore.

I was heart broken, started a fight about it and he decided to block me on everything for a few days during the fight. This made me really angry. I went to his house and said if he continued to ignore me, this isn't what I want in a relationship. So he broke up with me. A week after breaking up he invited me over. He said he wanted to be friends. So we became friends. But we were still affectionate, spending a few days a week together and sleeping together. It felt like we were still in a relationship which is what I wanted. But not what he wanted.

I felt like I wanted it all or nothing. What upset me even more was continuing being friends and seeing him in other romantic relationships or even leaving the city we live in. We planned a future together.

He was my closest friend and I'd known him for 8 or 9 years, then we dated for over a year. I lost my FP. 

I'm just angry at myself for starting that fight. If I didn't,  maybe we'd still be together.

Since this ended I've had no interest in pursuing romantic or even sexual relationships. I'm quite asexual at the moment. And now I'm scared all my friends don't like me either has we have some mutual friends and he told them I "fucked him up". I know I wasn't perfect. I'm emotional and sometimes I fight. But never did I do so to intentionally hurt him. I'm very aware of my actions as I'm also a mental health practitioner and he studies psychology so I hope he'd understand better.