When I read the symptoms of BPD I could project myself in every one of them. I thought I finally found what was going on with me for so many years...

I have appointments with a mental health doc for the last 3 years but he never mentioned this. I started to think he was not really good, as I still feel crap after 3 years.

I finally met him yesterday and I told him about BPD. He said quite categorically I didn't have BPD. He asked me about the symptoms and I said that, yes, I feel empty, I have phase of bulimia and anorexia, I have the feeling that everyone will abandon me, ...

Then he said it's also about the intensity of the symptoms. Indeed, my relationship is not "chaotic", my bulimia and anorexia is not dangerous, and I feel empty like I guess every one feels empty in this world, ...

We finally talked about a new diagnosis, and I'm moving along with it.

I write these lines because the first post of this sub is about not asking for a diagnosis, which I didn't. But I should have not jump to the conclusion that I have BPD because I identified myself with the symptoms. Somehow having BPD would have explained why life was so hard, taking away my responsibility.

For those who have BPD, I'm sorry, I was shallow and didn't understand the deepness of this illness. For those who could be like me, who are looking for what's going wrong with them, who thinks they have BPD but didn't ask a professional: do not loose time and ask.