I know that many struggle with suicide ideation and the self harm / attempted suicide attempts which go along with it but I am curious if anyone experiences suicide ideation but hasnt done much self harm?

 Im asking evidently because I seemingly fit into this category. Ive only self harmed a handful of times. Usually I actively resist the urge to do so (and typically succeed), but regardless my mind still dwells on all the reasons I should hurt myself and all the ways I could do so whether minor or life ending. 

I think a big thing that stops me from self-harming is the fact that nobody would truly care, and I would only appear sick and pathetic. I know many say they absolutely do not do it for attention, but I think a big part for me would be for the attention. Not sure if anyone can relate to that? Usually Im triggered by something in my day and start down the self-hatred spiral which drains me to the point i just want to numbly lay in bed, so that may be another part of it.

I guess ive been worried lately. My life seems to be falling apart before my eyes and my internalized approach to deal with emotions is starting to become more external as Im becoming more openly angry. I worry that the same thing might happen with the self harm. Anyways. Thanks for reading.  Love you all.


TLDR; I think about suicide and self harm a lot but dont usually do so. Anyone else have similar experiences? Since my internalized emotions are starting to manifest externally, Im afraid the same will happen with self harm.