I wan't to start off by saying I work in social work, and I deal with domestic violence pretty frequently. It's something I'm truly passionate about helping and a big reason I chose my whole career is around this issue. So I meet this girl through a mutual friend and find out she's just escaped a situation in which her boyfriend basically said if he was mad he would've killed her. She explained how he would track her location, accuse her of cheating (while she caught him with tinder), never gave her keys when they were living together just red flag after red flag. But she got out! And she was never going back.

We hit it off so well and pretty soon we fell in love. I've never felt like this about anyone before, and I was married for a few years. It was so perfect and as someone who never believed in soul mates I thought I finally found my soul mate. Everything was perfect. But then she dumped me. She explained that everything was too fresh with her ex and she just needed time to be herself and then we could try again. That's fine, I can wait, this person means everything to me. 

So we talk for a few days and its fine, but then I don't hear from her. She went to see her ex because he's essentially holding her animals hostage. Well she sits down with him and they talk and he works his magic and now they're going to give it another try. I'm furious and hurt and angry, I thought she needed time for herself. But then the bigger picture finally opens up for me. It's not really... because she wants to.

I finally drag it out of her but she's going back in the most stock-holm syndrome possible. She's going back to protect herself, her animals, but also to protect him. This man is suicidal and, despite everything, she loves him and she can't let him get hurt. He "needs" her and she "wants" to be there for him, and they can have a happy life together. But the whole time she knows if she leaves he might kill himself or her animals she loves more than anything. 

But the reality is she knows it's just going to be "fine" and she's okay with it being "fine", she told me herself. But she's the most amazing incredible person I've ever met and deserves more than just "fine". She agreed to get him help and I convinced her to see a therapist so someone else can hear how toxic this is. But he's already going to propose before the end of the year and she told me she's going to say yes. I told her how horrible this is. I know what her ex is going through, I've been suicidal my whole life. But when my ex-wife separated from me I didn't threaten to kill myself. I didn't threaten to hurt her animals. I loved her and she loved me and we realized we weren't right for each other. I told her all this, that true love is doing what's right for the person not what's easy, but she won't listen. So now I have to sit on the side lines and watch as the only person I've truly loved gets engaged in a few months and married shortly after to someone who is not going to give her a good life. 

This hurts so much more because of my divorce. My ex basically told me she didn't feel like putting in the effort anymore. Then I have to turn around and watch someone run back to someone who abused them, said they would kill them, because they love them? They love them so much they will give up so much to be with them and support them and make it work. Life is honestly a sick joke and so is love.