As I begin to settle into a life of acceptance things start to slow down, time does not slow down but rather my worries of the world and how they affect me.  My mental state has become calmer, though as the wind blows there are still times of turbulence just as there are times of calmness.  Triggers, instances that will activate an emotional response, are to be recorded and avoided, not to say completely avoided but monitored to avoid a bad reaction when already traveling up or down.

Coping mechanisms are becoming less attractive.  Often, I would turn to computer gaming, as sort of a white noise, to avoid intrusive negative thoughts.  As these intrusive thoughts fade or are thought-stopped my interest in computer gaming fades, I no longer need this mechanism to go on.  It's weird to see myself let go of computer gaming, it's been there the whole journey, with a death-grasp on it.

Now I have all this time to ponder everything about myself and my surroundings, it doesn't bore me in the least.  I begin to wonder about other coping mechanisms: over-eating, excessive sleeping, bad hygiene, even excessive medication I contemplate.  I have been taking more showers and brushing my teeth more often, it doesn't seem to bother me as much.  Been sleeping less as I feel tired less often.  Although when I hunger, the Beast still has to be fed.  Would you also believe it, my psychiatrist even let me reduce one of my medications again.

Though I must always remember my limitations, as this is what defines me.  I mean after all removing computer gaming doesn't make me smarter or better at anything.  Applying pressure to myself still feels like a risky proposition, I still have some anxiety in me.  With all that I still wonder what is next in the process of moving on.

Anyways, I guess I can still call it, "The ramblings of a madman."