So I'm in my second semester of university in a programme that I chose just because I didn't know what to do with my life. I recently decided to apply to a different college next year. Right now I failed one course last semester and because of that I lost my budget place and have to pay for this semester (but I will get a mark in that course in two weeks time and potentially be back on the funding list). I told this to my dad today and he completely flipped out. I had to listen to his lecturing for one and a half hours and during it, he called me debiel and stupid and a disappointment and how he was sooo proud and told everyone when I got in the budget and how he now won't be able to look anyone in the eyes and how perfect my cousin is, who's half a year older and studies medicine and how he can't talk to her mother(his sister) now without shame. And basically said that I am failing in life and have no future and will be basically homeless. Also, jumping back to my decision to change studies - HE DOESNT WANT ME TO! I finally have found something that I see has the potential of me having a successful career and something that I will enjoy and will be good at, but he doesn't want me to change my studies because I will just jump from one program to another and won't stick to anything and this year will go to waste and shit. Honestly, I don't know what to do and how to handle this. I have undiagnosed depression (I have trauma from therapy - ironic, isn't it? but that's a story for another day) and I had gotten it in check myself. But now it's seriously getting back and worsening. And to be honest, I lowkey wish it would come back in full cuz then there wouldn't be good days to compare the bad days to and maybe then I would finally get the guts to do what I had to do some time ago and end this. It's hard and I just don't know what to do or who to talk to.