Ok so I’ve been really going into a downward spiral lately and here’s why. I am figuring out more things about when I was little apparently when my mom and dad split she left me with him for about 6 months which is eh but still I’m questioning wether she actually wanted me and idk if I’m over thinking it or what but my childhood wasn’t the best like my dad is bipolar we think he’s also schizophrenic but won’t take meds my mom got drunk and would sometimes act weird and I once had to get her out of the shower as she was crying about the cold water making me have to get my naked mother wrap her in a towel and lead her to her bed like what why would you do that to me and like I feel like she doesn’t care as much as she should about it I haven’t seen my dad for like 2 years and idk if he wants me either and like I’m getting really bad thoughts and emotions and I feel as if everything I pretended to do without even realizing I was like not actually happy like even now I pretend to be happy in front of people without even realizing it I have gotten so good about lying to my mom about how I feel as well as being pretty much bullied by my stepdad who made fun of me and calls me a dumb motherfucker and things around that nature like what should I do