This may be a long post because I have a lot on my mind lately. 

 I have been diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder). I have always had anxiety and can remember it affecting me as early as 5 and 6 years old. 

 Over the past three years, I feel like my health anxiety has gone through the roof. First, I lost one friend to the flu (back before Covid). He was 36 and had no health issues; his wife just found him unconscious. Then, not long after him, another close friend was diagnosed with breast cancer and died a year later – she was 32. Both left behind young children and mourning spouses. 

 Any ailment I have, I think it’s cancer. Over the past week, I have convinced myself I have ovarian AND stomach cancer (I’m 34, so the latter is really, really rare). In the past six months, I have thought I was dying of heart failure, lung cancer, etc.  Any time my children feel off, I am convinced it's cancer, and I will lose them (I know this is PTSD from losing a baby boy halfway through my pregnancy a few years back). 

I had a wonderful psychiatrist, but he had to move back to the States (we’re military living overseas). So I visited the mental health clinic and saw their ‘counselor’ (I use the term loosely because I have a psychology and counseling degree - this individual was awful). He blew me off and gave me a pamphlet created for soldiers with PTSD, and sent me on my way. 

I must be careful with medication because I am sensitive to it and always end up with the side effects, so I am on such a low dose of Zoloft.  When the counselor didn't work out, I contacted another psychiatrist at a different installation. He immediately took me off my Buspar and put me right onto Prozac without even seeing me face-to-face but through video chat. I thought that was iffy because I know you're supposed to wean off any mental health medication, but I figured he was the 'professional,' so I listened. It caused about four weeks of hell as I detoxed. When I contacted him about how I was feeling (severe panic attacks, suicidal, sobbing, etc.). He told me that I didn't have anxiety, and I was obviously bipolar (I have never been diagnosed with bipolar disorder). 

 Anyway, I guess I just wanted to make sure I’m not alone. Are there others out there suffering similar anxiety issues? What do you do to cope? I feel sorry for my husband because he has to deal with me like this.  I sometimes feel like it is OCD because when I do get it in my head that I have cancer/another illness, I will Google for HOURS and be consumed with it. Of course, many people will say, "Stop Googling!" but those with anxiety know it is easier said than done.   


To anyone that read this far, thank you. I just needed to talk/write it out to people that may know what it's like to deal with this issue.