So like 2 years ago I used to be pretty damn impulsive with my thoughts and I would behave with my then boyfriend in the manner that I was feeling abandoned or bad. But after lots and lots of fights and feeling horrible and guilty I progressively succeeded in keeping those fears and impulses inside me.

Now in the other relationships I've had since then I still have bad thoughts and stuff, I still split like crazy both on myself and him, but I started realizing that I don't act on them anymore because I simply don't want to lose the person due to a momentary craziness, so I just isolate myself and not do too much talking. And I can't figure out if this is me getting better at managing BPD or that the abandonment fear got so big that I repress everything I actually feel like doing. Does anyone feel this way?