I have little patience for those less powerful than me, while I'd spend hours of my time just to please those with power over me. I tend to take pleasure in the suffering of others, laughing at their misfortune.

I was raised by a father and older sister just like me. They would find any excuse to beat or berate my siblings. I was the "smart one" though so I was spared. I find myself feeling intense violent intent towards those I could get away with making suffer (if I also don't like them). I'm almost, ALMOST always able to resist, but unfortunately my will is fallible.

I'm sick of being this cruel being of hatred and self pity. I want to be rid of these violent impulses and atone for what I have done. Where can I start? What's the first step?