I don't think I'll be hearing from my FP again since I fucked things up good. There's part of me that's relieved that I don't have to deal with the constant emotional worrying of maintaining this type of relationship and there's another part of me that wishes things could be different even though I know that at this point the entire friendship is tainted. The next few days are going to be difficult.

The stress and anticipation of their actions has left me physically exhausted and sleepy. I was hoping they would insult me back so I'd finally get the guts to kill myself, but they didn't. I feel guilty about everything I've said but they'll get over it and hopefully hating me would make it easier for them to move on. 