Last year I had a long insomnia episode due to severe anxiety, unrelated to sleep. I eventually went back to my sleeping schedule but as of late 2020 I’ve been having that fear that I’ll have that happen again. And it never happened until last Tuesday night. 

Me &amp; my best friend did drugs + alcohol (I RARELY do it) and it was time for bed. I still had that fear that I’d have insomnia like last year and not sleep. And since I was still high/hyper, I didn’t sleep. And actually got images in my head that were disturbing.

So I didnt sleep. Then she gave me a Xanax to calm me down and sleep the next day, and I slept 6 hours. But my jaw hurt &amp; she said it’s bc I was grinding my teeth really hard. I was so stressed. I didn’t sleep again til Friday. It was an all-day sleep. But I kept waking up every 2-3 hours. I thought everything was back to normal until Sunday night. 

I just had this fear that I wouldn’t sleep. Or that falling asleep is freaky to me now because it involves a loss of control. Does that make sense? I don’t fear sleeping... I think maybe I’m psyching myself out? Please tell me I am. I don’t want to actually fear sleep...

I also have OCD/hypochondria so it may also be that. But last night I couldn’t tell how long I slept, and kept waking up every hour or less. I’m sleepy right now but am too scared to try and sleep... I don’t know why.

Why does sleeping freak me out now? I had such a healthy sleeping cycle and now I’m scared it’s gone.... and that it won’t be fixable this time because the anxiety is actually about sleep.

I’ve tried melatonin and leaving the tv on in the background... what do you advise I do mentally to recalibrate my sleeping schedule? I’m not doing drugs or drinking for a long time and until I feel mentally ready. So it’s not that at all. I just don’t know what to do from here... 😞