So I (23M) have been talking to this girl (21F) since March 2020. We’re long distance from each other. We normally FaceTime for an hour 4-5 times a week. She’s told me that I’m her favorite person, I’m like a ray of sunshine in her life, that she loves me and cares about me. 

She has bpd and as a result sometimes she’ll go a week or 2 and just ghost me. I’m always understanding because I know she’s not doing it to hurt me and I always tell her that I’m going to be there for her no matter what. Every time she starts talking to me again and things go back to normal. 

With travel restrictions starting to be lifted in June we planned a trip for me to go visit her and she was super excited about it. The trip was planned for August to September. Starting July she started ghosting me again, it lasted about 2 weeks and we FaceTimed twice following that in the same week. We haven’t FaceTimed at all since mid July and she blocked me on Instagram. She’s Italian and is studying a very hard engineering degree and she had exams from July until last week. She used that as an excuse to say that she was too busy and stressed to talk to me. Even with texting she would barely ever respond to anything that I said. 

I still came on the trip to Italy hoping that me physically being here might change things and I also always wanted to go to Italy anyways. I was trying to be super understanding with everything she’s going on but I found out a couple days ago that she’s spending time with her local friends the whole time she’s been ghosting me. I got a little mad and called her out via text saying that how are you too busy for me but not for other people. Nothing extreme, I didn’t call her names or anything like that. 

She never responded to that or anything else that I’ve said. I even told her that she can just tell me if she doesn’t want me in her life anymore and I would respect her decision but that got no answer either. It’s really hard for me because i don’t know what she wants. If she doesn’t want to talk to me, then fine, I’ve been rejected before I know how to move on but since she’s not saying anything, I don’t know what that means. I don’t want to give up especially because I promised her that I would always be there for her and I genuinely care and love her. 

It’s been two months since I’ve heard her voice. At this point I’ve texted and tried calling too many times and I think trying to keep texting is unethical if she’s not responding. I want to respect her wishes. I don’t know how to continue and would welcome any advice you guys have for me. I’m in Italy in her city right now and I really don’t want to do anything that would make her uncomfortable or make it seem like I’m stalking her or something.