(trigger warning) I’m almost an adult and I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’ve felt this way since I was young. I feel like I have faked my emotions and put on a “mask” to seem normal around everyone else. So much that I forget that I’m even doing it anymore. I don’t want to hurt anybody! But the feelings are weird... it’s weird. I cant put my finger on what exactly is going on inside my brain but it’s not okay. I feel a rush when I see gore or think about hurting someone else... I don’t like it... or maybe it just saying that so everyone else doesn’t fear me and I can take advantage of them when I need something? I keep having thoughts and dreams where I kill the strays outside my home.. Fuck... I really don’t know what’s wrong with me. There were so many times when I was younger where I would “accidentally” harm smaller animals. once I tried to catch a baby bird I cant remember if I was 7 or 8 or even 9 but I brought out a small container and I went to the small bush where the nest was and it ended up falling down and going behind a thorn bush, it was okay I think but I got poked by one of the thorns and I still have it to this day. the mom also tried attacking me I think. So I ran inside angry. Then I went on with my day like normal? there was also one time where I would pinch my little brother and hit him.. I was 8 and he was 5 and I loved him! I never hated him ever. So why would I do that? I did it for so long and I knew how to get away with it. There are so many other incidences that I can mention here but it’s already really long and I cant think straight right now it’s very early. Can anyone help me out with what this might be? I read up on Psychopathy and sociopathy but maybe it could be antisocial personality? Please send advice! Thank you❤️