This is my first time posting ever, but I've been having a really hard time for the last week. 

You see, last November I started spiralling really bad. I couldn't sleep, my guts were on fire all the time, and I was just constantly on the edge of a panic attack. I ended up going to a psych ward for a few days. I started Buspar, various sleep meds, and started trying really hard to work on different grounding techniques. 

But, I really didn't stick with it. I went back to mal-adaptive coping mechanisms and internallizing my anxiety, and never work on grounding techniques. Since last week, I haven't been sleeping well, and it's making my tummy sick again. I've spent all day crying and numbing my feeling with memes. I am scared to get back to where I was. I'm not that bad, yet, but I'm scared that that's where I'm heading.

Saturday is my birthday and the 6 month aniversary of my hospital stay. I have been looking forward to spending time with my family for weeks, and now I'm also afraid of being too sick to enjoy it and disappointing my family.

TL;DR: I can't sleep, and I'm afraid of getting really sick again.