TLDR: my friend has ADHD and their symptoms trigger my anxiety. How do I overcome that?

I’ve recently made friends with someone who has ADHD, and their symptoms trigger my anxiety. I know logically that it’s not their fault—which makes me feel even shittier for feeling this way—but, emotionally their symptoms stress me out to the point where I get anxious just seeing their name appear on my phone. I’m literally breaking out because of them. 

The reason they make me anxious is because their ADHD tends to make them forgetful about things. For example, they work an unpredictable job. We’ve been trying to hang out these past few weeks but each time they’ve had to cancel on me. Now I wouldn’t mind that—I definitely understand a busy job—except they often cancel on the day of, last minute, and only when I ask them if we’re still going to hang out. Even if I remind them the day before, they still forget to tell me that something else has come up. And I know they’re not lying because their job can be pretty intensive and they do often try to reschedule.  

They’re also prone to using me for emotional venting, but when I try to do the same, they’re a lot slower to respond—sometimes taking up to a day. So I don’t feel comfortable sharing my emotions with them. 

In person they’re a different story! They’re a lot more engaged in what I’m saying and tend to be sympathetic, but the problem is that we hardly get to see each other so things tend to feel highly one sided. It feels like we’re only allowed to banter over text and not delve into anything serious unless it’s their problems. 

I’ve brought up some of these issues to them and they’re super receptive to what I say! But bc I’m conflict averse, it took me a while to say anything. It’s gotten to the point where even though they’ve changed their behavior, i still feel anxious around them bc I’m scared they’re going to fall back into old patterns. 

Does anyone have any advice on how I can manage my anxiety/triggers around them? They’re genuinely such a good friend otherwise—especially when we hang 
out in person. They’re attentive, sweet, and I really like being around them! It’s just specific behaviors that trigger me.