Hes finally visiting after not being here since Easter. I was ecstatic. Hes in the military and stationed in NY so I see him maybe twice a year if im lucky.

But he has his daughter this time. So I've seen him once. Which logically I understand she is more important but I am struggling hard with the fact hes down the street and I cant see him.

He was going to come last night then at about 11 he said he was unable to make it. I was devastated naturally and just burst into tears and drank a shit ton of alcohol. Idk when hes going back but I know its any day now. He actually said he missed me which hes never said to me before.

I cant cope. I need to see him. I cant feel comfortable at home knowing hes 4 minutes away. Hes right there and I cant have him. It sucks. After he goes home I have no idea when he will come back as hes deploying soon.

Send hugs because I am dying.