The amount of times i tell myself daily i will kill myself subconsciously/consciously is so much. I fantasize about shooting my brains out because i cant even live with depression. I cant feel happiness, love, little pleasure, still a virgin and never had a gf at 22, not that attractive. not acting like a 'vIctIM' im just saying. I put a lot of work to improve myself and it never paid off. im fucking tired of this existence. I see so many people complain about their partners or just people in general, "i cant go a week/months without sex" or always people complaining about their partners... but shit atleast you have had someone like you, not to invalidate them but ive been a ghost my whole life and life just sucks. id blow my fking brains out if i could