IL try be brief
Having suffered from depression for some time and still in therapy and on medication I have come to the possibly selfish conclusion that everything is pointless. I try do activities to keep me from just laying down and going to sleep during the day and these activities come with their own achievements and awards but so what , they are pointless.
I have stopped doing things that would normally have bothered me, the shed is a tip , but who cares? What's the point.
I have great children and the one time I have smiles today is watching them play. But I know at some point they will grow and have lives of their own and I will be sat thinking the best of my life is over but as they are still around I can't end it. I have no friends anymore as I have trust issues. My wife no longer wants a physical relationship for reasons which I respect but struggle to see decades of no intimacy, so this will cause an issue one day. She said she understood if I get my needs met elsewhere but I'm no cheater.  So basically I'm lonely but don't trust people anymore, I'm a loving physical person who is no longer allowed to be , and I only see an eternity of bleakness ahead, and all the music and activity I do is just a pointless exercise in distraction because it's all just a meaningless joke I can't escape.
Sorry if this has brought anyone down.