I dont know whats wrong wth me today. But I cant seem to pull myself together. Im on the bus this morning to university, and this guy sat next to me. I usually go through this flux of emotions from anger to terrified, all sorts. But today I felt nothing. Not like a normal not caring, but just uncaring unfeeling. He could hold a knife to me and I'd still feel nothing. The only weight I seem to feel is the dread in the bottom of my stomach. I'm going through university to be a Vetrinarian, ive always wanted to be, ever since I was little. Its a top priority of mine, even above stopping selfharm, which is pretty high in the list. But lately I just have this feeling like I'm not meant to be anything significant. I mean in all reality how could I after being delt all this trauma and illness... its like something greater is trying to prevent me from being someone better. For ever up there is a greater down.

And I just came down. And omg the emotions. This guy next to me is staring, is he reading this? Aw fuck. Omg. I'm such a fuck up. Just drop me off in the middle of nowhere and let me freeze.