When I was younger I used to just not really care about lockdown drills thinking of them as a way to get out of working for a bit, until last year when my school dealt with a gunman situation. Nobody was shot luckily enough but the guy was right outside our school carrying a gun coming inside. I was trapped under a desk for about 2 hours in the dark with no knowledge of what was going on really hearing footsteps in the hallway and police sirens outside. The guy was planning to shoot up the school. My school has had 3 incidents of planned/attempted shootings in about 4 years the other 2 being the year before I came. In the moment and a while afterwards I felt a lot of adrenalin and wasn't so scared but after it had calmed down what had happened hit me and I felt really sick and afraid.

Even though nobody was hurt I still suffered and suffer from a lot of anxiety around the incident, particularly some fear of the dark and claustrophobia in the classroom when I'm not near a close exit, and especially a lot of anxiety when we practice lockdown drills now. Even though I know it's a drill I can feel my heart pounding, I start shaking and my mouth gets really dry, and I get flashbacks to that day. When the teachers come around to bang on the doors and try and open the knobs I feel like crying.

Anyone experienced a similar event? Even though nothing really traumatic happened I still suffer from a lot of anxiety and thinking "what if it happens again?" I even had reoccuring nightmares for a while about being shot at by school shooters, I still get them occasionally but not as often as I used to.

I guess the drill today kind of just triggered another one of these panic episodes for me. I hope eventually I'll be able to feel 100% safe at school again, I just wish it would take a shorter amount of time.

Thanks for reading this