I can’t stop crumbling under the weight of my intrusive thoughts, and i don’t know if other people have the same ones. I’m horrified at the idea that i could be a bad person despite always doing my best to be good. I worry about having been friends with people a year or two younger than me after i was 18 and feeling like a predator (i was assaulted at 17 and i often project those memories onto myself) , i worry about having killed bugs, making people uncomfortable, everybody wanting me dead, my partner not being attracted to me and sleeping with his roommate, it’s affecting my dreams. I keep having nightmares where it all comes up at once and i shoot myself. I’m abusing my anxiety medicine. I don’t know how to handle these thoughts and i can’t afford a therapist. Yikes forever.