I (23M) broke up with my first ever gf (23F) yesterday and I’m hurting. We had a delicate relationship but loved eachother so much. I was there for her as much as I could be and held her while she tried to hit her head or pull her hair out. Through all the emotions and trauma I stood by her and sometimes because of her suspected BPD she felt like I was attacking her. When we commited to eachother she admits she was t ready as she cheated on my physically 3 times and emotionally once. It broke me because she was my first for everything. I thought she wouldn’t hurt me because I gave her nothing to worry about that I could control. My biggest flaw was my racist family who hated our relationship and wouldn’t allow me to see her but I still disobeyed. They mentally abused me for it. 

I used to spend every moment I had free with her, taking care of her, and even staying at her parents house until she fell asleep. I struggled and get like although she showed me love I was too hurt from the past and the trust issues were so stressing. When the disrespect continued recently I couldnt take it anymore. She made me feel like I was the insecure or wrong for saying my feelings. I love her and understand her mental state but I can’t hurt anymore because I’m hurting her and treating her poorly too. She called me three times since we broke up yesterday. The first she shaved her head, the second and third she balled her heart out begging for a break instead of breaking up and my heart can’t take it. I feel like I owe her my support because I’ve been taking care of her. I just want to hold her but I know I can’t. I feel so guilty and she continues to call me and say I left and it was so easy, that I was worse than others because I promised I’d be there and that I was the best that ever happened to her. I’m struggling. How can I help her without being with her.