Hi all,

I am lucky to say that I have friends I can share my problems with. I totally recognize that privilege. Of course, some periods all I can really think and speak about, is my emotional well-being. Which sucks so sometimes I try to do the opposite by putting on the well-known happy face. 

Couple of days I ago, I really hit a wall and posted a long message in the friend group I’m in with my best friends and boyfriend along the lines of: “I’m feeling awful again, I just need to tell you guys and I don’t know what to do.” 

I didn’t receive a response for 30 min to an hour which made the feeling of rejection even worse. And the actual message was met with advice like: “you have to do it on your own, we can’t help you”, “it happens so often”, “we think you should go to rehab or something”, “or maybe a yoga retreat?”. 

Later on, I explained that it didn’t sit well with me even though I understand it comes from a good place. This lead to a discussion that they were only trying to help me and it’s hard for them to see me struggling like this. I didn’t want to fight or cause drama so I explained that it was just a bit tone deaf to say I should go to rehab or a retreat (I’m not a celebrity and I think structure or a daily routine is more helpful than that). 

It’s an insight I find hard to comprehend myself: BPD is a personality disorder and I will have ups and downs. The depression that comes along with it, is also a recurring thing which I “accept”. 

When I’m feeling this bad, I always see the advice on mental health websites you need to let your friends and family know what you’re going through but I’m kinda scared now that it’ll backfire and they’re like: “Not this again...”. It really hurt and magnified the feelings of loneliness and being misunderstood. 

So how do you deal with your support system and BPD/depression?

💘