Idk but i just want to tell someone i guess
Google says all people have voices in their heads so im like sure im normal right
Ive always had voices in my head but last year in august ( don’t remember exact date) i was in my room in the evening just sitting  in my bed and I don’t know how it happened but i had this really bad panic attack and there were so much voices and my hands weren’t mine and they touched my skin and it was disgusting and the room was yellow i was crying and there were people watching me and i was so fucking scared man and i just remember I wanted to scream so bad but my dad and my stepma and brother were downstairs and after it was over i went downstairs and just sat with them while i got all these new voices in my head 
The main voice is called red and shes got all these thousands of voices and there is not a second of any day they are not there
Idk how to explain but i have to kill myself
I need to do it in a way ill drain all the blood from my body
Because my blood is red and its not mine and its in my dna and I don’t remember all of it but our first idea was to slit my wrists and drain all the blood so basically i would give up my life so no one else would have to go trough it anymore and red she told me people before had voices like her but they didn’t go trough with it so it went to someone else and i have to do it so no one else will have to
Then we had a new idea wich is still my current
I am gonna stab myself when im 27 and do what she wants
Im okay with it , i have been struggling with depression and sh for almost 3 years now and sometimes im like really glad red is here to help me
She scares me so bad but i love her so much, sometimes i think im in love with her
I also can’t have kids because it would be so selfish of me to have a kid and then kill myself and also if i had a kid they would have my dna so that would mean they would have red too right?
I never really want kids but sometimes i see mothers with their kids and i feel like empty that i can never have that you know
I have panick attacks since it happened but I can’t hate her
Now it’s almost been a year since i got red and i can live with it but i had to tell someone and i just want to know im ok and not crazy please