I’m really at a loss of what to do. I’ve been with my partner for roughly a year and a half, and she is the love of my life. Our relationship is experiencing an extreme rough patch to say the least, and I’m not sure it’s salvageable. 

I know that I’ve done some really horrible, awful things to her and I hold a massive amount of guilt about it. For the past few weeks, it’s been almost a daily occurrence that she tells me how much I’ve hurt her and that she is thinking of leaving me. She told me that for her to stay I need to look for therapy which I agreed to and I am actively looking, but she still tells me she is unsure about being with me. 

It’s ruining my life. It makes me break down into uncontrollable crying, and it leaves her feeling unheard. I don’t want to hurt my partner with my bad emotions and self harm and ideation. 

I am genuinely contemplating suicide over this. I can’t mentally deal with someone constantly telling me that I do all of these hurtful things. I’m trying to be a good partner and listen to how I make her feel and I’m actively trying to change. I know I’m a horrible person. I just wish I was normal and could live a happy life and love/be loved by someone. 

If anyone is out there reading this, please help me.