 I wanna learn how to go through tough times without texting my fp or thinking about it

My fp was my ex or is my ex i dont know but we broke up like 3 months ago and im going through a really really really tough time
 my kitten is very sick and i might not be able to afford everything his condition is getting worse everyday
and i have midterm and finals coming soon that i didnt study for yet
everything is too overwhelming and i think about texting them too much since all of this happened i was doing surprisingly well until my kitten got sick i collapsed and now i wanna text them again but i dont they were toxic with me even after the break up being with them was like walking on thin ice i dont wanna get back with them i think i want the idea of them the idea of someone who cares about me and loves me but i dont want this someone to be them

I have friends and one of them i talk to alot these days she helps me alot but its not the same i still feel super lonely and overwhelmed by everything and suicidal

im on lamictal right now it was helping before this happened but now i dont know if it is. and im looking for a therapist now