I’ve read all the rules and I think I’m complying so please do not delete my post. I really need some help.

TW: mention (nothing more) of sexual assault and self-harm intentions

I was diagnosed last year and completely refused the diagnosis because of my own internalized stigma. Now, after a few (lots of) emotional crisis, self-harm, substance abuse, and risky behavior, I’m ready to accept that indeed I need help. I’ve been in therapy for years but only recently started focusing on BPD (I’ve been doing DBT therapy for a while). I’m also medicated.

I feel like nothing changes. Will it ever get better? I’ve been trying for years to feel better and it feels like it will just never happen.

My boyfriend is extremely supportive, caring and loving. After going through sexual abuse, both as a child and as an adult, it’s really nice to finally find a man I can trust… But I’m obsessed with him. I literally cannot stop thinking about him. And the problem is, if we have even the slightest disagreement my world falls apart.

We had a little discussion today, we didn’t agree in something. I try to tell myself it’s a normal thing among couples but.. I lost it. I’ve been crying in bed all day, can’t work or study, and now I’m starting to feel bad about a thousand other things.

I thought I was done with feeling suicidal (I was very proud of it) but it keeps coming back.

Does it get better? Has anyone gotten better? I am tired. 

I’m barely even a person