I just don't see a point. Why do i have to go through the same shit again and again if i can die? I've been suicidal before but i thought i have so much to discover in life, but at this point, i don't care about anything. If i had an option to disappear and erase all the memories others have with me, I'd definitely take it. That's one opportunity i never wanna miss.

 I hate posting problems on reddit (i hardly post anything on this sub. And even if i do, i usually delete it. ) but i can't keep this in any longer. 

I've never mentioned the suicide thing in front of therapist. I really wanna, but i don't know how i should. And what if she tells my mom? 

I hate everything. Being alive sucks!