For context, I'm a third year in university. The first spring semester, I thought about drowning or dying of hypothermia in a nearby lake for weeks. The second spring semester, I started SH, having anxiety attacks, got put on mood stabilizers and an antidepressant, and looked up all the OD amounts for my medications to see if any would work. All of 2020 to midway through 2021 were the worst months of my life. My family started breaking and almost all of us ended up in therapy (I'm not going to get into the family shit that happened here). 

I was doing...better. Not great, but better. Now I live with an alcoholic roommate with severe depression, whose anger when drunk makes me have anxiety attacks, and who has a distressing and toxic relationship with several of our other friends. I don't feel nearly as bad as I have the other two years, but I've been overcome with this urge to SH since moving back into my dorm. I dunno if it's just the weather and SAD (which I think is a factor but certainly not all of it), if it's just that the area and people are triggering, or if my mental health is just declining, but I'm keep thinking about it. 

I don't really know what to do. None of my friends knew about it last year, I don't talk about it much with my parents, and while I am going to therapy, I don't feel like telling them. My past therapy experience last year was bad, and I'm nervous about this new one. I'm also running out of my pills because I had to switch to a new psychiatrist, and am worried if I can't get a refill in time.