This is probably a very pale situation compared to most on this subreddit but just need to tell someone because I don’t want those around me to leave if I open up to them.

I feel like I always need to be perfect. No matter the situation I always have to excel. I am constantly overthinking every situation I am in. I find myself looking back days weeks and sometimes years ago to think of things I should have done differently. I worry about if I’m being to talkative, being to quiet, being to close to someone, and being to distant. The energy required to spend time with people is so great that I sometimes need to just step away before I break down. I build these walls around me because I worry that people will worry about me if I don’t seem happy all the time. I have to say yes to everything because I hate letting people down. After hanging out with people I find myself overthink and apologizing for zoning out or being too “tired” to make it seem like nothing is wrong. Every time I have tried to open up these walls to someone they end up leaving and making me feel worse. I’m so paranoid about it that I can’t even open up to those around me because I don’t want to lose them. I just want this all to stop.