Now there's too much to do and no one to talk to. Even when I take a break for myself, my mind is constantly racing, thinking about the shitstorm that's coming.

There's nothing in my life I'm looking forward to, it's all just "do this, do that". I don't understand the point in life besides survival, and I don't have much of that instinct. I'm taking a certificate right now but it feels worthless and I feel like I'm wasting money for nothing. Everything I do is to keep life from getting worse, pretty much none of it is to make life better.

I'm very tired of living with the abuse from those I live with and the abuse inside my own head. Just don't wanna exist anymore.