I’m a few months dbt therapy after a having a nervous breakdown with a lot of other things and basically it all ended up in a hospitalization. That was February/March. I often times think about my past and the things that are out of my control, and wish to fix them. 

The truth is you can’t. You can fix your behavior, you can fix the future, but you can not force the past to change. Some people will need space from you, and some people will cut you off. It is a game where you may never know if they will comeback, but you have to be prepared for yourself regardless. You have to be ok to continue walking. 

The things you want will resolve themselves in time, or at least get easier to handle, but you can’t let go of continuing to improve. You can’t let failures dictate the level at which you fall. I’ve struggled with feeling like nothing from the past will ever improve, and that possibly my present will worsen. 

I’ve realized though, I need to be thankful for where I’m at. I don’t know if they’ll ever speak to me again, or if I’ll ever improve certain flaws, and maybe in some weird way that’s ok. Regardless it doesn’t have to ruin me. I want a future. I want to be able to say I recovered, regardless of who’s at the end of that journey. I’ll always be thankful even for the worst of them or the best. I’m trying to be happy with where I’m at. 

I guess I want you to know, you are so deserving of love and care and kindness. Regardless of how painful today may be I hope tomorrow is better.