I've been dealt a tough deck of cards for most of my life, and it feels like I'm never able to catch a break and have an extended period where things just go my way. High school was hard, I ended up in residential treatment for almost a year and then continued to struggle with severe anxiety and depression the rest of HS, I chose a college that wasn't a good fit and ended up withdrawing midway through sophomore year and have been in the worst depressive episode of my life since. Now I'm trying to get things back on track, and planning to transfer colleges. I visited a college a few weeks ago that I immediately fell in love with. It's my dream, but the chances of me getting in are EXTREMELY small. I know that this isn't the only college in the country I could succeed at, but it's something I just want so, so badly, and I feel like after struggling time and time again I just want something to go my way. But I can barely motivate myself to work on the application, partly because of my depression and ADHD and partly because I know I won't get in and will end up absolutely crushed. I don't know what to do. Why can't I have this one thing?