I’m 20 years old, turning 21 next month. I’m on probation and a recovering addict. Not a day goes by where I don’t wanna just let go and dive head first into my vices. I can’t even smoke weed for another 3 years. I have panic attacks regularly. Can never fucking sleep unless I’m emptying bottles of liquor in my liver and my family down play’s depression and anxiety with me yet give my younger brother all the support in the world. I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve the support but jesus, I regularly think about not existing or disappearing or worse. My parents regularly pressure me about college but I don’t see the point. I’ve tried and tried but have no motivation to do it and have already wasted a couple thousand on classes that amounted to nothing. I don’t wanna get out of bed. I’m in a failing relationship and I’m just done. People talk about caring all the time but the second i talk about addiction or depression im met with prescripted answers that feel disingenuous and even condescending. I don’t know man. World is fucked. I’m fucked and opiates sound wonderful right now.