I ended up splitting on a friend yesterday, and acted like a major bitch to another one over the phone, all because I was desperate on killing myself to escape the trauma my late mom put me through. I've been so done with life, so done with suffering everyday, that just the idea of ending it seems so right. I even hit my head purposely to see how self harm would feel (I didn't hit it very hard and regretted it afterwards) I am a mess and I hate myself

I can't stand ot look anyone in thecae because all I see is an unlovable monster. I feel if anything my mom would be glad with seeing me suffer, and another part of me wants to be with her in heaven. I hate myself and want to die. 

I look t the major ass shit I was and it really shows me how much people are better off without knowing someone as toxic, evil, and horrendous as I am. Nobody needs me. 

Whats the point in me saying "I'll change" if I don't. Everyone is better off without an idiot like me. I'm taking up wasted space..........