last summer i ended up after a xanax ovderdose.
i was in fance with my friend &amp; his family for 2 weeks. i asked my ex (we were a couple back then) to get xanax for me for when i'm back at home. we got back from france on a sunday &amp; i went to get my xans on monday with my best friend. we waited 3 hours for the guy to show up but after i got my xans my mood was alright again. i was stressed af bc of my mom, she's always too worried when i'm outside cuz she knows what i be doin when I'm with my friends (obviously we do drugs pretty much all the time). i started with half a pill &amp; the only thing i can remember is that i woke up on wednesday (2 days later) in hospital where they told me i overdosed on my pills. i can't remember anything from the point where i took the half. my best friend told me i took all my xans &amp; the people in the hospital told me it was a really close call. it was my first near death experience &amp; i didn't really feel like: omg i almost died, I'm so lucky!!

my mom was with me when i woke up &amp; she said that i could have died &amp; all i said was: where my phone at? cuz i wanted to call me friend &amp; my girlfriend to ask what the fuck happened &amp; to tell em that i'm fine ig. the fact that i didn't care at all about it made my mom cry.. she's struggling with a trauma bc of my dad (he was addicted to heroin). i don't even feel guilty or sum. but i'm also kinda scared of myself at the same time. i didn't care that i almost died even tho i had a girlfriend, a best friend &amp; i was having a good time (the previous months a have been really hard for me so i actually started to feel better before i crashed on those xans). i thought abt it so many times &amp; still bothers me till this day that i just didn't care about &amp; since that happened i don't care what could happen to me. i've never experienced that kind of not caring abt something. i don't get why i started to think like that but i can't really change that. things r going well rn for me but even today i wouldn't care if today was my last day. 

i just don't see life the same way as i did before that happened. can someone of u relate to that?