It may sound stupid but 4 years ago around this time, i lost one of my best-friends. As in i cut ties. Theyre still alive and doing well i hope butever since then i swear this time of year has been constantly dificult. Every year around march/april i get entirely lonely anf push everyone away even my good friends. Ill never forget how heartbroken i felt all them years ago though. It was intense. Weve forgiven each other ofc but the pain still lingers and everytime life throws curveballs at me i know its karma for not being there wen i shud have been. I tried to put my health first and all it did is make the other person think ive left them at their time of need even though it was mentally traumatic i still left. I think about it alot. It drains me some days. i hope the feeling passes as the years go by