I really hate  the idea of having a FP. I despise it. Yet when I first heard of the term and then googled it I knew I had one and I knew who she was. And it really bums me out.

Does anyone ever feel like if you didn’t talk to your FP or if you ignored them forever they would just forget about you? That’s how I feel. When I had to move and leave her and my friends she ignored for a really long time. And now I feel like she barely talks to me. And I end up texting her all the time: and I’ve been trying  really hard to talk to her about stuff she likes. Like I feel super manipulative. I don’t give a shit about cute animals but then I send her pictures about cute animals. Instead of talking about my problems or how I feel I ask her how she’s doing and try to engage her with things she cares about. And it’s just radio silence.

Like in the past I’ve gotten upset and  told her  that I don’t think she cares or that she doesn’t like to talk to me. But then if she responds she swears up and down that she does and then I go back to never hearing from her. I don’t know what to do anymore. And I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop caring. It’s absolutely soul crushing and I don’t understand why my brain has to work the way it does.

I know I’m asking for attention and that’s a lot to ask for but she said she loves me and she cares and that I’m one of her closest friends but we never talk and I feel like I have to go through so much for her to engage me at all. I wish it didn’t bother me and I know I’m crazy but I does. And I just feel so down right now.

Like this sounds silly but she’ll like stuff I put on Facebook and it makes me upset. Like for some reason it just reminds me of her but I don’t get I talk to her still. I try really hard to relate to her but she just doesn’t seem to listen or want to talk to me ever.  She knows that I’m there but that feels like the extension of our friendship. I don’t understand why she doesn’t want to y’all and why it bothers me.

I sound like such a bitch I’m done.