Hi fellow sufferers - sorry for the wall of text!

I'm a 27 year old male with severe ADHD and GAD, with some cheeky bouts of depression thrown in every couple of weeks for good measure. 

After stumbling through life with undiagnosed ADHD and unknowingly attempting to treat my symptoms with a variety of narcotics, I was diagnosed and started medication, settling on Methylphenidate. It's been a life-changer, but after the initial euphoric period where I thought it would fix all problems, I realised that it can only *help* you change your life in small but positive ways, and that you actually still have to do the majority of the work yourself.

I struggle with that, and still struggle with my ADHD symptoms on a near daily basis. I've found that a lower dose is actually best, but I'm still beset by a lot of issues. However, when I recently took a Diazepam (valium) to help me get to sleep, something changed. For the following three days, I was able to work better, I felt calmer, my mind was less frazzled, and I could play piano (I use the latter to measure how bad my ADHD is that day. Good day, I play amazingly. Bad day, my fingers feel like they're somebody else's). I took another valium later on in the week for recreational effects, and the rest of the week was fantastic for ADHD. The week after that wasn't, and I couldn't figure out why! I thought my notoriously inconsistent reaction to meds was being, well, notoriously inconsistent. Then I remembered the valium. 

So I tried again. Got the same effects. Felt calm throughout the week, and ALL of my ADHD symptoms were improved. I think this means that my anxiety has marked impact on my ADHD (sorry if that is obvious, my doctor never said that could be a factor) and I even wonder if a lot of my so perceived ADHD symptoms are just anxiety symptoms. It was a revelation. Until I realised that valium is not a long term treatment for anxiety. I do CBT, 30-60 mins of exercise a day, meditate and eat a rigidly balanced and healthy diet. I'd never felt anything close to this calm before I tried valium.

I've been prescribed SSRI anti-anxiety medication but am quite put off the research of the long-term effects they can have on the brain, so I'd like to avoid them if possible. I know they would likely nuke all the symptoms I'm describing, but I think the cost may be too high. They seem to be the only treatments my GP will consider (maybe pregabalin too). So I'm toying with the idea of 20mg Diazepam twice a week (legally obtained). Not looking for anyone to tell me if I should do this or not, just looking for anyone that has used diazepam to treat themselves successfully - especially ADHD / Anxiety comorbid sufferers?

Thank you.