I feel like a crazy bitch just writing this but I'm hoping you guys will understand and offer practical advice.

My FP (boyfriend) and I were together for 3 years, broke up for 4 years, and have now been together for nearly 2 years.

During that 4 year gap, he dated someone for 2 years. When we got back together, he wasn't always truthful about he when I asked him about her. First he said they dated for 3 months before admitting it was 2 years. He was iffy on the dates he got together with her, some evidence points to the fact that he was interested in her while we were still together.

A year ago, I asked him if he wouldn't mind blocking his ex because it made me feel jealous that they still talked to each other (rarely). He agreed to this to make me happy, since they probably messaged each other like once a month or so and there was no love lost.

We recently had a fight (I got upset with him for spilling a (minor) secret about me to our friends), and he blocked me for 3 days because I didn't talk to him for about 20 hours (I was asleep for a chunk of that time).

When he unblocked me (after I begged him to via a friend), I found out that he'd started talking to his ex again during that time. I was really hurt by this because he said he had no interest in her at all, and now he's changed his mind. 

Being the BPD bitch that I am, I asked him to please block her again because it makes me really uncomfortable and paranoid that they talk. He said no. He knows that I engage in SI tendencies when I feel jealous, and I brought this up again (manipulative, I know). He insisted that he cares about me more than he cares about her, but that he's not willing to drop her. He says he'll keep contact to a minimum and they probably won't even talk to each other, but he doesn't want to block her. I said he has to choose between me and her and he says I'm being crazy because I have nothing to be jealous about because he doesn't have feelings for her.

I am devastated that he is okay with me self-injuring and possibly leaving him forever so long as he can continue maintaining minimal contact with someone he says is "just a friend" that he isn't even interested in speaking to that much. The ability to talk to someone he has described as "bland" is more important to him than my sanity.

Am I in the wrong for giving him ultimatums or is he in the wrong for putting someone he barely talks to above me?