I’ve always been against circumcision. It is painful, unnecessary, barbaric, and terrible. I think about this often but usually have an okay handle on not letting it overwhelm my thoughts.

My girlfriend is a nursing student and learned about it in a few of her courses this year. We study together so I was exposed to the word and diagrams (triggering for me). Her professors weren’t exactly promoting it and it was mostly in the context of how to care for and clean an adult patient who has had it done, but for one class the mention was quite brief and implied it is cleaner.

This kind of set me off on a spiral where I could not stop thinking or reading about it. It’s almost like I seek out information that will make me upset. I understand there’s essentially nothing I can do that will stop people from doing this to their babies (who straps down a baby and cuts his *penis?!*) and though she’s so supportive I always feel guilty when I bring it up to my girlfriend as if I’m a broken record that can never get my mind off one issue. If she tries to comfort me by saying something along the lines of “yes it’s bad but worse things happen” then that honestly sets me back a bit but it’s not her fault and I know that.

My latest anxiety source has been about the *next* time she has to learn about this. What if it’s in the context of actually *doing it?* What if she is forced to observe it happening during her maternity training or even assist in preparations for it? I genuinely don’t know how I will cope with that but I really don’t think I’ll do well.

Essentially I am tired of this being the first thing I think of every morning. Nothing will ever make me fundamentally okay with the fact that this happens, but I wish for my sake I could switch this off and not think about it literally all the time.

Really, what do I do? What do you do to accept the fact that there are terrible things in the world you can’t change? What do you do about the fact that those terrible things are sometimes close to home (possibly my significant other’s education/career)?

Typing this has been cathartic but I just want to stop. thinking.