Hi
How many of you watch porn? Occasionally, regularly, daily?
What role does it play in your life? Do you have a sex life, or is porn/solo stuff all the sex there is in your life? Would you consider your relationship with porn healthy, so to speak?

I'm kinda confused about the way I consume porn. I'm aroused by things that disgust me. I only really watch  rough facefucks, throatfucks, forceful BJs, even rape porn at times. Instantly after I orgasm I feel awful. Empty, scared, deeply disgusted and disturbed. 
I'm not aroused by most erotic or sexual content, only the things that to me seem humiliating/degrading for the women in the videos.  And make me hate the men involved. 
This is very strange.

For context: I don't have a sex life. I'm way too scared to even let anyone touch me, or to be emotionally close. (My attachment style, according to Dr.Fox's criteria, is fearful attachment. What a surprise :D)

This is the only form of masturbation that brings me any pleasure. And it's always followed by those very negative feelings. I feel like I'm damaging myself. What do you think?

🙏