I have social anxiety, a bad self image and generally worry too much. Over 6,5 years ago I joined a sportsclub. I never was really sporty, but I immediately fell in love with the sport. Over the years it grew into one of the biggest passions I've ever had. I got involved with organising things for the club quite quickly. It helped me with my self-esteem a lot and although I'm still very insecure about the number of friends I have (and the stability and closeness of these friendships), the club gave me a lot of social interaction. The sport has become so special to me, such an outlet and such a joy in my life, I never expected that.   


However, I worry a lot. And in the last couple of years, I was regularly worried about the well-being of the club and the people in it. I feel responsible, scared that everything will implode if I'm not there to help. The club (and sport) is small and needs people to run things. I stepped away from organizing things a while ago, but I feel very guilty about that. I'm also afraid that if I go, I make things worse.  


However, I'm not sure I'm enjoying the club anymore. There are some people I don't really like, and the worrying is really taking a toll. However, I can't really seem to let this go. I'd love to join another club for this same sport, but there are no other clubs around that I can join. I would need to move to another city, which I can't. I could travel to another club once or twice a month, maybe. But I'm not sure if I can keep that up long time. Quitting the club will very likely mean quitting the sport, maybe not now but probably in the long term.  


And this stresses me out too. I met a lot of wonderful people. I made this thing a part of my identity. And I guess that was stupid of me. I will lose so many social interactions if I step away. And I'm afraid other people will no longer have fun if I'm not there. I'm not sure if I can look back on this period with love if I quit.

What do do? How to deal with this?