I am so in love with my best friend. But I hate myself for when I split on her and hate her for one thing that goes awry with us. If something doesn't go right or one thing rubs me the wrong way then I can't hug her and I say dumb things like I just won't talk to her anymore or see her anymore. I impulsively call her multiple times to get her attention too..

I've gotten a lot better but I wish it would never happen. I get anxiety that she won't want to be close to me anymore and that she will think I'm too crazy to deal with. Fuck me man. I hate who I am. 