I've been in therapy for many years and my therapist says I've been in remission for some time now. However, I still haven't been able to develop an identity and understand who I really am and what I like.

I feel like most things I do are not really because I enjoy them, but because I feel like they are what healthy people do and consequently what I am expected to do to be healthy.

People tell me I should choose to engage in things that are fun, but I feel like I don't really know how to have fun or how to recognise what fun even looks or feels like. And since I can't tell what I enjoy or don't enjoy doing, I only do new or interesting things when I'm with other people. I'm often just staring at the wall and doing absolutely nothing when I'm on my own and have some free time, which makes me feel pretty empty and often ends up leading to dissociation.
But when I choose to do things on my own,
everything I do feels very instrumental, like it needs to have a purpose (eg help me be more stable, like yoga and meditation, or make me a more interesting person, like artistic hobbies) and I feel like that doesn't help in establishing an identity and feeling like a whole person.

So I wanted to know: during your recovery, what were the steps you took to figure out who you are and what you like to do?