I haven't cut in nearly 5 years. But tonight and the last few weeks have just been building so much distress, I don't know what came over me. I'm an adult now, but I was getting upset and overwhelmed that I'd had a recent pychiatric admission, also first one in 5 years, and my own dad hasn't spoken to me in months, probably nearly a year. Didn't shoot me a message to check in or offer any kind words. We aren't on bad terms, he lives on the other side of the world and has always been distant even when we lived together. I think something sucked me back in time to when I used to cope with his lack of warmth and caring and I just slipped up and did it again. It's very superficial, I'm fine, I just wanted a little sting and to see the blood droplets again I guess.

I've been seeing someone for just 3 weeks and I really like him, and I'm seeing him again in just a few days. He hasn't noticed my old scarring, it's all so faint and healed well, I'm lucky in that regard. I just hope this heals quickly and I can pass it off as walking through a bush or something that would leave the little lines. I just feel like I've really fucked up and if this guy catches on so soon to something like this, we'll be done before we started.