When I explain my delusions to neurotypical people they always tell me: "But you do know it not real. I have strange thoughts too." They are not thoughts, they are beliefs based on things that seem very real to me. I don't "know" that it is not real, I just act like it is not real to seem normal, because those around me don't think it is real. 

I am constantly trying to convince myself that my delusions are not real, and it never works. It's still real to me, just because I am acting like it is not does not mean that the problem is solved. 

The only way I found to explain it is this: What if you are wearing a red shirt and everybody tells you it's black? Then you are also told that you can't trust your senses. You're going to go about your day like your shit is black, but you still know that it is red because you can see that it is red. 

I wish telling myself my paranoid delusions aren't real would make them magically go away because "it's all in my head." I understand the way I speak makes it seem like I know it's not real, but I don't. I call them delusions while minimalizing the impact they have on my life because it was ingrained in me that being too different is bad. 

Thank you for reading this, am I making sense or not?