I'm cringing just asking this because it sounds so incredibly self-absorbed. I'm just hoping people here would have a better understanding of what I'm trying to articulate.

Some days I look in the mirror and think 'not too bad'. Other days I feel awful at the idea that people have to look at me.

If I get compliments I try to dismiss them as quickly as possible. I can't quite explain it but...it's like I can hear other people around us thinking 'what is wrong with (person who complimented me) that they'd think *she's* attractive?', and I'd feel the urge to say something like 'that's so nice but you don't have to say that!'. It's like I'm trying to assure anyone else within hearing range that this person is just being polite, that they don't actually think I'm attractive, because finding me attractive somehow devalues *them.*

(The logical side of me knows that it's highly unlikely anyone else is listening to this conversation or giving it any thought, yet somehow I can't let it go. Then I feel foolish for being so self-absorbed. Oh the joy of having a thought process that's fighting with itself.)

There's just no way of asking this question without sounding like I'm fishing for compliments. In fact, if I was reading this post from someone else (minus the BPD aspect) I'd most likely assume that's what they were doing (and in a lot of cases, that's probably true). But I promise I'm not. I don't even know what I want. I just wish I could be in the mindset that can just stop obsessing over what other people think.