I want to preface this by saying that I’m the one with BPD. My partner frequents this sub a lot asking for advice so he may even see this. Recently he made a post about me taking space whenever I’m upset leaving out a lot of details. 

My partner seems to think that whenever I’m taking space,that I’m trying to be avoidant and I don’t think it’s fair. If I split or he shuts down during a conversation, he can assert the boundary that he is taking space from me. But if he did something that hurt my feelings and I want space, he tells me I’m being avoidant. Even if I just want a little distance between us. And he tells me stuff like he needs me and asks me to not take distance. Says it does harm, which I can see during very elongated time frames. Even when I tell him I’m going to take space, he’ll get upset with me, mad even sometimes. I don’t want him to think I’m giving him the silent treatment or trying to punish him. I just need space from him sometimes. That is literally it. 

Like today he got really upset with me because an old friend (that i previously told him about &amp; that is 100% platonic) contacted me about catching up. And my bf started accusing me of stuff with other guys because he got insecure…Said a lot of hurtful and accusatory stuff because he was jealous. Which he won’t post about on reddit, of course. So I asked for space because I got really overwhelmed, anxious, and sad because of the stuff he said and he started asking me not to take space. 

I thought my need for distance may be unhealthy but I need to ask this: is my partner’s direct refusal to give me space and asking me to not take space a violation of my boundary? How can I stand firmly on this? What is an appropriate amount of space to take during times like this where the hurtful stuff was already said? 


Thanks