I hate myself. I hate how I look. I hate my hair. I hate my colour. I hate my height. I hate the colour of my eyes. I hate my body. I hate my personality. I hate being boring. I hate having no interest. I hate not having any desirable qualities.

All I do all day is to feel bad for myself and want a girlfriend. I can't remember a time in my life where it wasn't like this. I am 24/7 thinking how I'm a lonely loser who'll die alone because he's nothing but garbage. I don't blame anyone else but me for my frustration, I am well aware that I am the only one guilty.

I can't help but to cry when I see couples irl and hate myself even more to be crying in a f\* bus because I saw a couple.

I can't watch "adult movies" anymore because all I can think about is how I'll never have what they're having.

Ever since I was a kid I sleep hugging my pillow and I daydream about a perfect life where I have someone who loves me and hugs me back, but recently I can't even imagine that anymore. I just start cursing at myself saying I don't deserve this happiness not even in my thoughts.

I can't keep going like this. It's been hard enough this far and the future only seems more depressing, I want to give up.