A decade ago I was 13 and spent Christmas crying in my room. My mom is a narcissist who was always absent and expected me to parent her emotionally. My father was very loving, but he never dealt with any of his problems growing up and chose to self medicate. He was emotionally abusive and one week before the christmas of 2010 he started molesting me.

I've spent the last decade crying because of my parents. Trying to commit suicide and battling drug addiction because of my parents. I've spent a decade allowing myself to be a pushover to accommodate my parents. Last Christmas I attempted to reconnect with my dad after going no contact for 4 years and it was great... but he was still self medicating and I needed to cut him out again because being with him was the equivalent of drinking poison.

This Christmas I'm visiting my n-mom and toxic step family. They're homophobic, mildly racist, and believe they're the most persecuted people on the planet (fundamental baptists). Last night I spent Christmas crying on a couch sitting next to the Christmas tree I used to have to build by myself every christmas because my mom would never help me. My day was spent listening to their callous remarks and the few times I brought up how horrible mom was growing up they accused me of exaggerating and it was wrong that I'm so bitter.

Then I had the sudden realization I dont need to do this anymore. I have an amazing, loving boyfriend who's my soulmate and has taught me the real love I've missed out on my whole life. His family isnt perfect but I feel so much more warmth with them

This is the last holiday I'm spending with either bio parent. I'm done with their abuse. And I'm done allowing myself to be in situations where they can hurt me. I'm 23 and have a whole life of love ahead of me and I'm choosing love. Next christmas I'm spending it in a new place in a new state with my boyfriend. I'm going to spend holidays with his family. And if my n-mom wants to see me then she'll have to travel and stay in a hotel away from me.

I'm excited to be alive and I'm excited to close out a decade of abuse. I can do this. I hope you all allow yourself the same compassion. Stay strong friends