ive been depressed and suicidal since i could comprehend my childhood was fucked up. im 19 and ive always been alone. i hope this is the first step and not something i try just to fail again. i want to be normal, i want to feel what that feels like. be a normal person like most my age. id give anything to live a month where i know things will be okay. im scared of therapy and breakdown everytime i try to make an appointment. im scared its a waste of money. this is the first time im voluntarily getting help and not me being in a er room. what should i even expect?