i’m in so much pain. it’s agony. during the day i can distract myself like at work, but he’s always in the back of my mind. on my way to work, on my way home, at night. i dream about him most nights. i want him to come back so badly. i finally cut him off and snapped on him for being so manipulative and toxic 4 months ago and haven’t spoken to him since. after the things i said i’m not surprised he hasn’t reached out like he normally does. i’ve cried myself to sleep almost every since night over him since i was 12 and now i’m 20 and most of that time we weren’t together or even in regular contact. but we’ve been regularly off &amp; on since i was 17. i miss him so much i don’t know what to do with myself. i feel like i’ll never love someone like i loved him. i’m pretty sure he has a new girlfriend (an ex he always told me not to worry about) based on some stalking i did months ago. i haven’t done it since and i’m not because it’s not worth the pain it causes. i just want him back so bad. i feel stupid for feeling this way too because i was so miserable and on edge most of the time when we were together but the good moments made it so worth it. even when things were bad, when he’d be screaming at me for something i didn’t even do, when he’d be manipulating me and blocking me out of nowhere to see me freak out, at least i had him. i’m terrified that i’ll never stop hurting. i miss him so much. please come back to me. i’ll do anything