Hi, im new in reddit, n saw this gruop n u know i need to express myself cause thats something i feel i cant be open with my close friends (i know its dumb to think that but the idea of my friends realizing that im having a bad time is scary, i dont wanna bother them with my personal shit).
Im 22 btw... So, basically since may 2020 i realized that even though im "priviledge" (keep in mind that in mexico half of the population is poor) i dont have any aspirations, i could be in a ong, idk be shreded af or something, n is a feeling of constantly "ur not good enough, ur parents gave u an excellent life n ur not thankfull". Also i aknowledged since 14 i left all of my problems for "the future me" and sudenly all that problems were with me n the quarantine made them worse.
At least i started going to the psychologist n started getting better, i was able to confront my problems, but still felt like something is missing, so i had the dumb idea to live for a month n a half with some friends in another city, surprisingly my parents supperted me, n it was great (i mean i didnt give a fuck about college not gonna lie, it was the first time i was "free?" Or at least it felt that way... but i decided to come back, evwn though my parents told me to stay there i needed my therapy n fix myself) obviously my grades were the worst (but to be honest now i dont care, i mean i do wanna finish college i dont have the idea to drop out, but i do hate online school u guys know that feels) so i worked for 6 months i was feeling a lot better cause i didnt how good or compromissed as a worker i was n everybody treated me with respect, i got some  new friends, n even i had a godd relationship with my chiefs (the day i quit my job they huged me so i guess i eraned some respect ;)).
Anyways, this was 8 months ago, i went back to school (bad decision a wold have prefered to keep working until i have a little bit of "real school"), my grades still terrible, n in a weeks ill work again to hopefully feel better.
Also around dcember 10 i had a fight with my dad, wasnt that bad its just ended up like "u r not gonna keep going to therapy, it has done anything to make u better", but i agreed, its hard n im tired to argue with my dad about almost anything... i think i will fin another n pay it by my own. And idk, my best friends dont talk to me anymore, i mean i never was the guy that talks to anybady but u know it feels terrible to want to see your closest fri3nds n none of them answer, anyways ill keep on the life-grind thx 4 reading &lt;3