Now to start my childhood wasn't horrible by any means but there isn't a lot I can look back on fondly either. I was bullied a lot for being "different" I guess? In the 4th grade I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and adhd. But before then I definitely had depression. I have a memories of praying to God to just end my suffering by any means necessary, thoughts of ending it all, and all of this before puberty. I felt so alone and lost. When kids should be "making plans for the future" I wasn't. I feel like I was robbed of an important step in life because of my depression. I still have a hard time dealing with people or trusting anyone after my grade school years. People would be nice to me one day then the next go back to treating me like garbage. I would often cry when stressed and would be teased. To this day I hate crying. The worst moment was after a former classmate passed away. Everyone was crying and comforting one another but I was still in shock and hadn't cried yet. When the meeting they had for the students had ended I started to cry. Immediately I was mocked for crying. By people who were crying not even a minute before. I am still disgusted by this. No matter what I did it was the wrong thing to do. I am an adult now and well old enough to have kids of my own... but these were my formative years. I spent them feeling miserable. Now I'm a depressed adult with no idea what to do with my life. I know I need to forgive and forget. I know I need to move on. I just don't know how.