Im 19 and have struggled with my own mind for most of my life. Thankfully my parents and family have been nothing but loving, But when i was 10 i moved away with my mom so i could get an education. My mother is bipolar and unfortunately i am too, And she has been the only family i have seen physically for the last 9 years which has been hard for both of us. I started drinking when i was 12 and began dabbling in drugs as well. Ever since then i have been going in a rapidly descending direction. I slowly started to find fewer and fewer days where i could handle myself being sober. For the past 2 years i have either been high, drunk, or both every day. I used to be ambitious and creative, But i have flushed every ounce of potential i had down the toilet. I lie to my father who has been providing for me under the impression that everything is going ok and I’m studying in happiness. I live a lie and every day my lies to my parents grow and i find myself using more and more to escape my guilt. The only reason I haven’t ended it all is because of the massive amount of money my father has slaved away to pay for my education, And the pain i would cause him and probable suicide. He loves me, but if he ever found out about my drug use he would abandon me. On top of all this my bipolar disorder leaves me motion less and in disarray for days at time in my room. I hate myself and this rabbit whole i keep expanding.