So I’ve been seeing this girl for a few months - she’s communicative, honest and incredibly good at handling my episodes. 
I have a HUGE problem tho. Everytime I think about the fact that she’s slept with other people before me I get extremely bad episodes, get suicidal thoughts and physically sick. I don’t feel ready to talk about it with her, i want to figure this out on my own. It’s impacting my life greatly, to the point I’m reluctant to engage in intimacy with her because I keep thinking about how there’s been other people before me. I’m incredibly attached to her and already feel uncomfortable when she’s out with friends she gushes about. (I would never want her to stop hanging out with them, I’m very aware this is my BPD talking) 
I don’t know what to do - getting a spot in therapy for this takes too long, I need advice as soon as possible. Anybody else experience this?