I went to the dentist today for the first time since I was a kid….the first time in 15 years. My mom is the type of parent where if you aren’t dying, then you are fine. For years I’ve been asking her to take me to a dentist to get an exam because I’ve always had visible cavities on two of my molars for as long as I could remember. She just always brushed it off or made it seem as though it was my job to seek out a dentist and make that appointment. Here I am, 23 and I finally was able to make an appointment myself since I got a job with benefits that includes dental care and I can finally pay for myself if needed. 

I went to the dentist today, they examined my teeth, did X-rays, cleaned my teeth, all the good stuff. They looked at my X-rays with me and told me I have 4 cavities which I was already aware of. Two of them can be filled no problem, but the other two are very close to the nerve and they think I may need root canals on both teeth. Anger and sadness aren’t even the words to describe the way I feel right now. I just think about how I spent years telling my mom to take me to a dentist and nothing was done about it. This situation could have been prevented and I’m so sad. The idea of a root canal terrifies me. The money it’s going to take and even the potential future issues I might have due to this is making me bawl my eyes out. My health is something I highly prioritize and I’ve only NOW been able to take control of it since getting my job and being financially liberated, but I still feel so angry and sad about this. I also deal with health anxiety and worry about other aspects of my health all the time. I feel so defeated :(