I feel so alone some days. Not because there’s nobody around to hang with or talk to. There is.

But everyone I become close to leaves at some point. When some people look back at their lives they can take comfort in the friends and loved ones who care about them and who they’ve shared so much with. It makes life feel like it was all for something.

When I look back all I see is angry backs.

I miss all my old friends. I miss them each and every day. It hurts me like a hole inside. I honestly feel that when I go, no one will really miss me. Worse, I feel like it’s all been for nothing. What gives life meaning when you spend it sad and alone?

Earlier this year I quit social media after a couple of suicidal meltdowns and maybe two or three people even bothered to message me to ask how I am. The rest of my “friends” forgot me or decided I was just a drama queen or wrote me off. 

Some of them, and I know this sounds dramatic but I actually think it’s the literal truth, would rather see me die than ever reach out to me. 

Maybe I am a shit person who deserves all that. I dunno. Life is lonely and hard.