Tw: mentions of sh relapse

I'm actually terrified. Haven't been able to sleep since he told me about the trip a month ago. The house scares me. I have a couple of phobias that he always helps me through and with him gone for a month, I'll be 100% alone. No friends, no family, not a single soul I know here.

So one phobia is of fire + alarms of any kind. So smoke detectors are a huge fear. Our apt had an issue 6 months back where the alarm went off in the middle of the night for no reason and didn't stop. We had to sleep in the car with our cat and waited for maintenance to fix it.

Since then every time I remember that the detector exists, I cringe and cover my ears in anticipation of the ringing. I have friggin panic attacks when I convince myself that it's going to ring.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I pace around trying to breathe because I feel like it might ring or something is wrong. 

Now he won't be here for a month and I'm so fucking terrified. Only 11 days left and I've relapsed with my SH cuz of the anxiety. It's getting too much but I don't want to show him I'm scared because he's excited for the trip. I do not want to accidentally make him feel bad or guilty. I want him to have fun. He absolutely deserves to have fun.

I don't know what to do. I'm scared of so many things going wrong and him not being here. I've just been silently breaking down when he's busy and not around. I know how stupid I sound. It shouldn't be this hard and scary.