This is by far the most complicated relationship I've ever gotten myself into, and that's really saying something. They plan to leave their spouse at the end of this month, but I'm no fool, and I realize these situations never tend to end well for the person in my position. The problem is, obviously, I love them. I'm in love with them. I'm willing to clutch my sanity until the end of the month, but if it doesn't work out, then I have to get myself out or I know I'll completely lose it. 

My BPD is acting out way more than usual. The jealousy is eating me alive. We can only talk when the spouse is not around, and we see each other once or twice a week. Luckily, we do get to talk a lot because they're at their job or the spouse is, or they sneak around while at home. Still, knowing they spend most of their time with them is torture. They say they love me too, and that they're definitely leaving them, but as I said, I'm no fool. It really feels like they love me though, enough that it feels like I have a chance. 

The hardest part of this, is for most people, this would be about the excitement and the sneaking around. For people like us, not so much. I really want to be with this person. It's not about the excitement, it's about them. I just need to find a way to survive the month without going mad, while also preparing myself to have the strength to leave if they decide not to. 

Fuck my lack of self control when it comes to my FP!