When I get an email or a text directly at me (like, not in a friends/family group) and I see the notification pop out, I spent probably a couple of days just looking at it and trying to get myself to respond.

Sometimes is not even an email about school or a serious text conversation (it can also be that, but it is less common to receive some of those in my case). It can be a person telling me good night but because I've forgotten to say it back for one or two days, I feel like I'm already too late and is better to ignore it (I know is not better but my brain doesn't process that).

I think I know why I act like this (I've gotten text talking about breaking up that took me totally of guard and while I was in a not so good mindset, or people that barely know me just strait up telling me I'm not a good person), but knowing the reason doesn't make it easier to respond to those text or emails.

Now, I feel like I will lose some friendships because I can't get myself to just send a text to them when I think they need me.

Right now I can't go see a therapist (I'm scared of what my parents would say if I ask them to pay for that for me), so if anyone has any advise to make me feel a little less anxious about that, it would be lovely.