Today I felt so horrible I barely kept myself from crying, I have decided to cut off my ex best friend cuz having him around is so stressful for a bunch of reasons, we also started to drift apart and it feels like some sort of torture, so I just cut it short, and that just made me realize how lonely I am, like I barely have 4 friends, 1 I just blocked on everything, another is a girl I'm into but that has lost interest in me long ago, and the other is a classmate with a main friend group so I'm just there, the only one that feels like a real friend is a girl I have never met, and that I admire and consider as an older sister, but I doubt we'll ever meet.
So yea I'm feeling really isolated and it's not sth I'm ready to deal with at the moment, I'm literally just forcing myself to stay alive, I can't deal with sth else, my relationships have been going to ruin for a while now, but honestly they can't get any worse than this, I'm so lost and tired I just want to cry and sleep to never wake up again