I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 14. Tonight I've been looking through videos and articles online about co-dependency, and I realized I'm most likely hurting my partner. I am so nauseous and I can't stop crying because I don't want to hurt my partner like this. I desperately want to improve and this is the first and only thing that has ever motivated me to do anything in my power to get better. I don't have access to therapy, but I will do anything I can to not hurt someone I love. I have made a list of things I want to improve on, but I don't know how to apply it because it seems when I'm not doing well in the head I completely lose my ability to empathize and I don't realize I could potentially be hurting someone emotionally until after it's happened. If anyone has any sort of resources or advice please share it with me. I really do believe I need therapy and medication, but until I find my way into this please please share ways I can work on myself and be better. I depend on this person for all of my happiness and I am realizing how terrible this would be for them and I can't do that to someone I love. I need to learn to take care of myself and make boundaries and not be so draining to them!! Please help.