I am completely beside myself. It’s ending because he can’t seem to give me any substantial amount of love. We’ve broken up so many times, and every time it felt like the end but now I finally realise I’ve done everything I could to fix it. I have so many flaws and I don’t have trouble seeing that, so I often convince myself things are all my fault. Not long ago I realised it wasn’t my fault this relationship wasn’t stable and that just means the relationship has to be over because there’s nothing I can do. 

I love him so so so much. This person is my best friend in the world, he’s creepily kinda like an extension of me. He loves me too in his own way but he’s so messed up by his own shit he just can’t be a good boyfriend right now. 

I don’t want to move on or let go, especially when there’s hope, even the idea of that is way too much to handle right now. 

I have nobody to spend my birthday with, or Christmas either. I feel so alone and I don’t know how to fix that. The only other people I feel nearly as close to both aren’t getting back to me and I’m so scared of pushing them away. 