For some context, I (26F) have BPD while my SO (34M) has depression. On his good days, he's energetic and attentive, but on bad days he withdraws into his own world. As someone who experiences depression as a part of my BPD, I know what those feelings are like, and I want to be supportive and understanding towards him. However, I struggle with how differently he acts when he's feeling depressed. On those days he stops answering texts and calls, cancels plans, and acts secretive since he wants to keep his darker thoughts to himself. No matter how much he insists that his feelings have nothing to do with me, I can't help but feel like he's upset with me when he withdraws and needs space.

The fact that I struggle so much with his depression makes me feel selfish and guilty. The last thing I want to be doing is taking over his struggles and making them about myself. On a rational level I respect his need for space, but my crazy side thinks "why is my love not enough to pull him out of this?   Why would he shut me out unless he hates me?? He must be planning to leave me" His needs are difficult for me to understand, since my own bouts of depression make me want to talk to others and not be alone with my feelings.

Does anyone else have a partner with mental health challenges and find it difficult to be supportive of them? I would really appreciate any advice for how to approach this in a healthier way and be a better partner.