My mental state has been declining over the last few months and I think I'm at the point of breakdown, writing this feels like too much to deal with right now, I'm sitting on my bed rocking and crying for the second day in a row, which is exactly what I spent my weekend doing and I imagine what I'm going to be spending this weekend doing.

I feel so lonely, I don't really connect with people and I feel so uncomfortable around the people who are supposed to be my friends, I feel like I'm just some fucked up weirdo. I meet people and things seem to go okay but then they always tend to drift away and I'm left alone again. I don't feel like I can share anything with anyone because every time I have people have left my life because of it. I don't know who I am so I'm never "myself" when I'm around other people, I'm just awkward and weird, too scared of saying anything because I'm just going to be considered even more weird and be rejected completely.  
I have this pain in my stomach/chest that won't go away, it's that same pain you feel when someone breaks your heart, some days I can ignore it and act normal but it's getting to a point where I can't anymore. All I want to do is die.  
I'm struggling not to hurt myself but it's hard and the only reason I don't is because others will just make me feel worse about myself for it.

I don't know what to do anymore.