sometimes I want to crawl inside my dads brain and de-thread his brain in a desperate attempt to know why he constantly hurts us. Why a father would hurt his family, his daughter the way he does. 

Sometimes I feel like simply dying. disappearing. Vanishing. Life is staring at blank walls devoid of purpose at the moment. I don’t know what I’m doing. I wish I didn’t have a father. I wish he died before I got to know him, so people would only tell me good things and I would never know any different. 

I don’t know how to live anymore