I have been very recently diagnosed (26/f) which makes sense since I've never been hospitalised and am only now seeing my community mental health team. I was previously diagnosed with depression and later panic disorder/anxiety, but outside these diagnoses something never felt 'right' and my mood swings, emotions, paranoid ideation, impulsivity, eating etc were always all over the place. Despite going through crisis moments and on and off SH, I tended to avoid bringing these feelings up with GP's and counsellors/therapists I'd seen over the years, especially as I always thought any suicidality was a logical reaction to my poor choices and not in itself an illness. 

BUT I can honestly say that in terms of the really destructive behaviours (a lot of substance abuse, high promiscuity, failing and redoing the first year of university three times, general instability etc etc) that I engaged in during my late teens and early twenties, I am WAY more functioning now on a day to day basis. I'm on a leave of absence from my master's programme after going through another severe depression but I still do not think I am EUPD. I've had my share of outbursts and arguments, but these I can be really avoidant and my confidence continues to plummet. 

I've also been watching so many Youtubers with BPD and in comparison I feel like such a fraud as I have no psych ward experience or I wasn't in contact with the local mental health team at a way younger age or I've never attempted in a 'serious' way. In that sense I feel incredibly lucky but I feel that I am caught between 'not being ill' and 'not being ill enough'. Wondering if anyone else feels like this too?