The cable guy was in my apartment. My disorder makes it difficult for me to keep the house clean, so it is pretty bad. I tidied up a bit where the cable stuff is. But then he said he needed to go into every room with a cable outlet! Including the totally disaster of a kitchen! I was/am so freaked out about him seeing how dirty the place is. I can hardly bring myself to go into all the rooms now,  because I just see the mess he saw and feel awful. It is like his opinion of me--that I am a disgusting person (which, of course, I am making up in my head)--is the only thing about me. 

I'm using my DBT tools and actually handling it pretty well. But, ugh!!

Edit: I want to take a nap, but I literally cannot go into the bedroom. I left before he went in there (my dog was freaking out, so I had an excuse to leave, my SO stayed and talked to the guy). My SO says that there actually wasn't a cable outlet in there, but he had to look all over to figure that out.
Oh god....I am so out of my mind.
