After a few months of feeling constantly depressed and on good days falling back into negative thinking for any small reason we decided to give each other a break.

Every time he tried to help make me feel better with words of encouragement I felt they came with feelings of pity and every compliment felt like a lie. Him trying to help me somehow made me feel even worse which in the end confused him and made him feel like I didn’t care. I wish he understood what I’m feeling. In those times it felt like I didn’t have the energy to explain or that if I tried it would come off as agressive or make things more confusing.

In the end we decided to take a break for a week and not talk to each other. It has only been two days and I feel destroyed. It’s not that I didn’t value him when we were together, I did. I still love him. But in my head I hate myself so much it’s hard for me to understand why someone would love me. And it’s so painful thinking this all the time, thinking that I’m ruining his life just by him being with me.