To clarify, I know this is a selfish post. I'm aware. 

one of the most painful parts of BPD is when you a run a relationship/friendship to its course. When too many splits ruined the relationship to the point of no return. Your time ran up. You try your hardest to reconnect like you did before but this time you can tell they view you different. They're no longer are the person they once were with you and that's because of your own actions. You lost them forever whereas they only lost you for an episode. Yet they don't deserve those short moments either but when you come back to your own reality, the people around you are no longer the same. That sucks.