I'm alone, I'm scared, I'm low.

I'm not gonna hurt myself - and those who have tried, same as me, understand why. When you really want to end it, it's not a cry for help - people will just find your remains.

So I'm diving in. And I love the community. And I'm offering advice I wish I could believe, advice I know to be true.

But such as how we are: The cerebral knowledge doesn't do much in the way of how we *feel*

I feel all the stages of grief. I lost my best friend and FP; I lost my wife. I feel anger, I feel alone.

I needed her so much, and my triggers were pulled and I needed her more, but hers were already pulled and we were no help to each other.

I feel so empty, and know it pass, but I don't know if I'll have the strength to type on here the next time I want to end it. I'll just wait to be found.

My car is clean and outside, and I know where to get an HVAC tube in the basement. It's morbid and pathetic and sad - but such as we are - the cerebral knowledge doesn't do squat about tge feelings or pain.

So here I am.

Lost my dog (temporary), lost the love of my life, airline lost my luggage (temporary), and I can charge my phone or laptop. Can't distract write, apply for work, look for an apartment. I have 2 percent battery left right now on my phone.

You guys can relate. You know what I think and how I feel as much as I know what you might say.

So what's left? What can help me? This time? Next time?

Help (if possible) 