I just wanted to come on here and share how happy I have been with myself over the past two days - I've had at least 2 intermediate dysphoric episodes, but I pulled myself out of both of them (mostly) without relying on someone else!

Yesterday, I was in a large group setting for a festival. I felt like some members of the group were acting pushy, selfish, and inconsiderate. My immediate response was blaming myself for the bad vibes, pinning all the negative feelings on my mental state. I was so anxious that I knew I was about to start creating tests for people, so I tried to be mindful until I could get into a lower-energy environment. When I shared how I felt with my roommate, she told me she picked up the same cues. I was so relieved that I managed to get enough mental strength to separate from the big group and join a smaller group of friends, which eventually turned to just hanging out with one person and made me feel so much more secure! I'm so proud of myself for managing my anxiety so well.

Today, I woke up feeling like garbage. I forced myself to push on and go to work, which was such a great idea. I was still down, anxious about perceived possibilities for abandonment but I just went down to the bathroom and talked to myself about how I'm recovering, and for the people that actually care about me, I'll be able to recover our relationships too! It helped me a lot to think about future improvement, and it made the rest of my shift go by so much faster and I'm now back in my room feeling mildly euphoric, beautiful, and capable. 

I also texted my FP about going on meds soon - he was a little dry (which is his texting style) and I didn't feel triggered by it, I just thanked him for listening to me and he responded supportively and made me feel a lot better.

The great weather is definitely helping too - the sun feels so healing! 

I wish the rest of you luck with recovery, too. (For reference, I'm doing a 24 week DBT cycle and will soon go on medication)