This may be a bit of a ramble, but I've just had a weird couple of months that have just left me drained and having various moments of ups and downs. I've been trying to find the pros and cons to everything going on in my life. Starting with the cons, my girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me on new years day this year. That sucked the life out of me for so long. She blamed the break up on concussions that I had the prior year, as well as a couple of other things that made me realize I dodged a bullet with her. I know it's for the best that I'm not with her but damn does it not sting because of how empty I ended up feeling because of it. On top of that, my best friend of going on eight years has been hanging out with her more since I bowed out of the friend group due to her not having any other friends in the area, whereas I do. It's not malicious on his end of course, nor is it for romantic intent. It's just because she's with the friend group and I am not. In a way, it is like I lost two huge relationships that were so important to me in the span of a few months and that has just left me feeling very empty and very alone at times. I'm not going to make him choose "who to hang out with" or tell him not to. I'd be an asshole if I did that. It just sucks that he's hanging out with her way more than he is me since he's known her for barely a year, whereas I've been close with him for eight. I'm living in a town that I hate and had bought a year long lease in since I thought I would have a reason to stay, that being both of them. I was wrong about that since now here I am without them. It's led me to have many nights where I just sit here trying to enjoy a show or a game and I end up just feeling soulless due to not having a true best friend anymore. 

I truly do have a lot to be thankful for as of late: I was able to find a new job with better pay, a new apartment near this new job out of state, I was able to form a lot of closer bonds with several of my other friends, I have an amazing therapist who I am able to go to about anything and has helped me out so much through all that has been thrown at me over the past year, and I have grown closer with my parents. So why is it that I can't just let those two thins go that weigh me down? I hate it. I hate that I have so much to be truly happy about yet here I am just stuck as I wallow not being able to let go of those things.