I can't stop thinking about killing people. I used to be suicidal when I was younger. But I feel as if I am supposed to be evil and just say fuck it and start killing mother fuckers. I am fully calm and collected but inside I am full of chaotic anger. I want to kill all the rich people, all the abusers, all the pedophiles, fuck them all. The logical side of my brain tells me i will go to jail and my life will be worse. So I do what I can daily to keep myself in check. 

My life fucking sucks and everyday it gets worse. If I try and get help they will put me in the hospital and my life will get way worse. They may put me on medication that the side effects could outright kill me. Doctors are really dumb and just don't give a shit if they kill someone. I guess I could always kill them before they kill me. I really don't know. Maybe I am just insane destined to kill and be killed.