What do you do about constant creeping loneliness? I'm not talking about the loneliness of not having any company. I'm talking about having no one who really knows the pain and indifference you feel on a daily basis.

The emptiness is so crushing right now I could do something wildly impulsive. I hate this nagging thought that I ruined the little bit of social interaction I had. I just don't know what to do right now. I want to feel better as quickly as I fell down, but I know it can't happen.

I'm basically trapped in the crevice between myself being enough, and wanting something more. I don't dislike myself, but I'm all I've had for my entire life and it's getting old. I crave a human connection but I don't know how to do it. I always feel like I'm doing too much or too little, and then someone doesn't talk to me for two weeks and I'm left wondering if I really mean anything to them.

I wish I could go back to disassociating and not caring sometimes. I've gotten way more emptiness and impulsiveness since trying to reach out. I guess this is all part of the process.