I have just created this account because I wanted to write though no one will ever see this.   


It's my birthday today (14 april). I'm now 17, I have a dad, mom, brother and a sister (I'm the youngest), I live a great outside life in a good country, ok-good grades, lots of friends, a rather bright future and so on though I have been depressed since I was 15. And lately I have though about rather dark things. With more than one concussion I always have a headache, I take pills 1-6 daily to not be in constant pain. I don't understand why I'm sad, I have it much better than others but I'm still feeling this fucking emptyness, sadness and the feeling of going into a dead end.  


I have reached out for help even though it was hard but it hasn't resulted in any improvements', people (my friends) see me as an fucking monster or a hassard for humanity and to others near me. I'm to much of a pitiful to end it and I just want to have the courage even though my family will be devastaded, I cant fucking end it, I dont want them to suffer while it feels like they suffer when they have me to a brother and son.  


P.S. It wont get better any time soon, you can however survive or make it better if you start seeing the small but positive things instead of all the bad things, taking a walk with a friend instead of doing it alone because then you can't think about the negative things and so on. It's hard but not impossible.