  i wonder if i could get some advice or critique on anything i say below,  i want to keep growing despite an overabundance of anxiety and  (to a lesser extent but still important)  trauma recovery.

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i never was good at communicating growing up. i'm 22 now and a majority of my relationships 

 (familial, platonic, romantic, sexual, etc)  have been lead one-sided where someone else doesn't properly care for me and/or respect my boundaries. i physically struggle speaking up because my experiences as a child have scared me into silence, my anxiety is so rampant that i have anxiety attacks nearly twice a month if not more. its so hard to think on anything without experiencing days of a dazed and confused feeling where i feel numb but a quick consistent loop of my current emotions. i am trying to slowly cut contact with my ex so i can process and grieve while not being around them, and we are communicating far better than we ever did in our relationship; i would like to be friends with her again but i was fundementally wounded after i found out she cheated on me (messages over reddit and shit like that) and she understands i need my space and i do my best to respect her boundaries.  🎉  i am still scared about being open to my current partner, but he listens and is patient and considerate of me.  he is so different to a majority of my experiences and its so strange,  my anxiety tells me so many things about how i'm better off alone and i bought into it for the past few days until i sat down with my friend, talked with her about it and, everything has slowly falling into place over the course of the day. i can now physically say "no" and "stop",  i can communicate my feelings whether if they're "right" or "wrong" feelings,  speaking up doesn't make me near as nauseous as it once did and it's amazing.  i was able to ask my ex for very bare minimum contact to no contact,  i spoke with my partner about my anxieties,  and i'm not as scared to close my kiosk by myself at work though i still dont trust dads toes...num num

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this was all over the place but i just AAAA i feel really good about it.  finding my voice after losing it for over a decade but better sooner rather than later! 🤩🤗🎉