I remember very few bits and pieces from my childhood, but lately i’ve realized that none of them are actually memories of my home life, but only things I did at school and such. I have no idea how my parents raised me. I don’t know if they were good to me, if they gave me love, or if they treated me well. Because I don’t remember a single thing about the way they were until about the age of 12. 
And I want so badly to be able to attribute my BPD to some childhood trauma or a result of the way I was raised, but I will never know if that is actually the case. So honestly? I have no idea where it came from. I could definitely recall many traumatic moments in my childhood but none of them feel severe enough to explain why the hell I got stuck with this disorder. I feel like I don’t deserve to have it in a weird way, like any trauma I went through doesn’t validate or excuse my behaviour. Does anyone else feel like this?