I couldn't eat my mid day meal. I ate my veggies though green peas and roasted potatoes and big water bottle. I spent almost my entire work shift stairing down a dimly lit road replaying my suicide in my head over and over while my subordinates played cards for basically 8 hours. Splitting headache, chain-smoking, detached from reality. It's all catching up with me. If I get meds and treatment I'll be relieved of my position and pushed off to some other crap job until they completely get rid of me. If I don't, I'll be just another statistic.

I'm not useful. My life is falling to pieces.