Hola. 

So I've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety. I would say I always had some level of anxiety but fucking covid19 and other stresses made it even worse and I started taking Zoloft in September. I was feeling anxious 24/7, had chest pain, palpitations, zero concentration, and all the fuckenings that come with anxiety. Anyways Zoloft helps a lot. And with tapering I stopped taking it in January. Since that everything was FINE.

UNTIL recently, I moved in a new flat. Which happens to have cockroaches. 

I live in the city center and pay a lot of money in this fucking flat. Since I had already signed the contract, had payed 1 month + 2 month deposit, + agency fees and since my contract did not have a paragraph about cockroaches I had to deal with my fate. 

I am horrified of them. I loose control when I see them, even if they are dead. I cannot control myself. I always thought that I was afraid of spiders, but for now I love them. I think that this is a true phobia. 

I had someone to come and put all the chemicals and everything and it is getting better, I am seeing dead cockroaches in the morning. 

However, I am horrified of every black spot that I see in the apartment and outside the flat as well. 

My anxiety is back, and not only it is back but the pain that I have in my chest and emotional instability - is unbelievable. My emotional status reached rock bottoms. If I am at work its fine, but the moment I get home I want to cry 24/7. I tear up even with the word cockroach. 

I am frustrated with myself that I cannot fucking cope with this like a "normal" person. 

Though, as a person I can express myself very well, I have told myself that crying is not fine (I know that it is, and I have improved this way in the past year), but still I judge myself: crying means being a vulnerable, basic, white bitch who cannot even control her emotions. Jesus F christ, it sounds so stupid, but I cannot totally help it. 

The reason I am writing this is the following: 

Has anyone experienced exacerbation of anxiety, with was totally under control and did you use medication or let it go (solved the problem, trigger).

As much as Zoloft helped me, it was hard for me with it. I was not getting sleep, I was emotionally way too numb and a lot of other reasons. No matter what, I am very thankful to this drug cause it brought me back to life.

Thank you for reading this big post. It is more of a wailing than asking for help.