Jesus Christ, idk what to do, I'm just stuck between a rock and a hard place, fuck I hate this shit so much, I'll explain. Recently I met someone I love dearly, and like that we instantly clicked, I love having them around and man do they make my life worth being around for, but I slipped up with them, I said something I regret saying to them and well......that sort of took our connection away, this was all recent btw. When the event happened I almost took my life because I couldn't forgive myself for hurting them, they felt secure around me, they felt loved with me around, for the first time in their life they felt truly loved by someone, and I ruined that. I'm currently in the process of trying to forgive myself and grow myself as a person. We saw each other in person yesterday and even though things went well and they expressed that they were happy to see me again, even saying they love me, and even though the love between the two of us is obvious, apart of me feels like they're doing that to not hurt my feelings after all the shit that happen, or that their feelings for me aren't the same anymore as they used to be, and even though they express that they love me for who I am and forgiven me, a part of me doesn't believe that for some fucking reason and I hate it so goddamn much. My anxiety plays a factor in a lot of things in my life, this being one of those things, and my insecurities take a hold because this is the first time I've felt a genuine connection with someone, someone that I could go up to and give a kiss to, someone I could hug the shit out of and not get tired, the facts are obvious that they love me, and yet I can't get around that and I hate it so fucking much. I hate myself for these thoughts, for these fears, and even though I'm telling myself that I will grow from them, it's hard. They have forgiven me and still love me, but even though they've expressed that so much, I can't get these negative thoughts out of my head. Can anyone else relate? Or possibly help? Cause I honestly feel so goddamn alone right now, like the world just closing in on me as everyday goes by, I just want help, I just wanna move on and love this person as much as I can, I just want my life back. I'm 16 btw, so call this an amateur look at love but I genuinely love this person so much and a part of me for some reason can't see that but instead I push it away, I just wanna get better for myself and for them.  (FYI I'm not going to mention what I said to them, I'm ashamed of it deeply and I may never forgive myself for it.)