I really don't know where to begin, but I do feel like I always have to ruin everything, say the smallest things without thinking and then regret doing it. Blaming myself till everything in the world looks black and I'm just not good enough for anything. I wanted to give up already so many times and I don't know how I'm still here. Why I am still here? What is the point if I always make everything worse? 

It's my birthday on weekend and as long as I remember, I always just cry on them and it never goes good. (Last year just was different). 

So yeah, just feeling little shitte, been crying all night, feeling like making everyone sad around me :)