Hi all - I have self diagnosed as someone with BPD, and I had no idea my emotions were so crippling until I entered my first real relationship. I've been with him for about 3 years now, and we have broken up over 100x. There are a lot of things I both like and don't like about him... but when we are together, I feel empty, like I want more that he can't give. But when we break up, I realize how wonderful he is to me and how now I'm so darn lonely. It's gotten to a point now where I don't think it's possible to break up because I go into intense survival-mode, where I need to do whatever it takes to avoid the crippling depression that follows.


I have begun to consider that I might actually be the problem, and I'm worried that this problem will follow me into every relationship... given just how emotional I am. I relate to all the emotional "black hole" description, and I've always had REALLY REALLY REALLY intense emotions that could power a city if converted into energy.


Question to BPDs: Have you found that your borderline tendencies are more or less depending on your relationship? Have any of you had a partner that you have found happiness and normalcy with? 

Btw, I'm reading "I hate you- don't leave me" which has some good tips I want to employ with my rocky partner.

ETA: I understand that this is a touchy subject, and that perhaps people are upset I would even consider a relationship while exhibiting BPD characteristics. I think the message I am receiving so far is... until you are free from the BPD identification, you should not suited for a relationship. 

**Updated Question: Do you expect yourself to be free of BPD characteristics before you enter your next relationship?**