I feel so abnormally sick of living.

My brain hurts just thinking that I need to do anything and I feel like throwing up every single morning. I barely sleep and honestly I wonder how I get through the week, sometimes with only 2 hrs of sleep per night.

Nobody knows that I'm doing so miserable, nor that I practically dont sleep. There are few people that know I'm 'not doing so good' but none of them understand the weight of this. That I really want to die. That I really feel so helpless and unneeded in my life. That I habe given up on so many things. That I just want to be gone already.

I'm here at 4am in the night, not even 2 hours until I wake up for work. My mom still needs to care for me, her child at 19, because I can't manage it myself. I can't get up, I can't get myself something to eat, I can't go to the bus stop by myself. I'm casting all these little inconveniences on her. I'm a horrible child. I've done nothing good to her, I'm a disappointment. 

I'm crying again thinking about all of this. I know I can't go on like this. I need help but I don't want to seek for it. I wouldnt even know how, or to whom to turn to. I just want everything to be over.

My body rots more and more