So I don’t live in the best home atm I’m in my teens and I feel like I’m going insane and I can’t get therapy or anything and I have no support system. I have voluntary intrusive thoughts if that makes sense? And the things that I purposely think about and even engage with for minutes are really disgusting mostly with g0r3 etc. i can see how people fell on certain things but I truly don’t care, my brother is an entire trigger for me so I’m constantly yelling and pisses tf off when I’m home, an abnormal amount of things piss me of so much to the point where I go in a dissociative state and harming myself sorta and breaking things. I’m an absolute control freak when it comes to my success because i have such high achievements and goals and already have everything planned out, i go in and out of a “porn addiction” i have extremely high standards for anyone and everyone. a lot of manipulation and gaslighting, being extremely mean etc just for fun. I have an extremely big ego but I hate the way I look, body  Dysmorphia. I’ve engaged in some not so good acts before like h0m0ph0bi@, r@c3ism, ant!s3mit!c things but never truly meaned it bc i just thought whatever i don’t really feel as sorry as i think I should and that’s what’s bothering me I’m always falling in and out of reality it feels like and I just go from wanting to die while crying my eyes out to not knowing what’s real to normal? If anyone knows what’s going on please tell me and please give coping mechanisms for anger or anything I’ve mentioned 🙏🏽 i really want to help myself