Hi,
I know how bad the title sound, but don’t worry, I am not planing on taking my own life, I just don’t wish it for anyone to be in my place. 
I (M25) moved to the U.S exactly 6 years ago now, and going to university, and getting a B.S was the main reason. The first six months were the best so far. My parents paid for my food and living expenses for those 6 months ahead of time, so any money they sent was for my phone bill, and the rest is all for me. During those six months I got introduced to weed. I didn’t like it at the beginning, and I even claimed that I am allergic to it, so my dorm mates stop pushing it on me. It stayed that way until I fell for this girl. I was 19 with 0 experience with girls, because of a past bad experience that made approaching girls the most scary thing to do. This girl smoked weed few times a week. I wanted to look cool in front of her when she suggested I give it a try so I did. I got super high that day, but I kind of liked it.But because of the stigma about weed where I come from, I wanted to stay away from it as much as I can. Past forward few months I moved to another school and another city and everything was new ( it didn’t work out with that girl, and I was 20 still virgin and 0 experience when it comes to girls). This time paying my food and living expenses ahead of time by my parents wasn’t an option. So I had to pay for those from whatever they sent me, and due to change rate and laws in my country, and the financial situation of my parents getting worse, I was left with only $300 a month after paying rent. At that time I was living with a roommate who was a pot head. he was a broke student too so we kind of bonded because of that, so I started smoking weed every night with him. After few months I figured that I needed a job so I found one in an understaffed restaurant. The hours were crazy a lot, and customers tipped so I made good money, but I was drained at the end of everyday. So I would just go home smoke weed eat and sleep. And that how I spent the last 5 years of my life, I failed to many classes, to the point that I can’t transfer from a community college to university even though I took al the classes required. I am still a virgin at 25 and experience less with girls, I am broke with a lot of debts, I work a job that I hate for over 50 hours a week, and I am not making good money but I can’t quit since I owe my boss money. And i feel sadder and sadder and more depressed on a daily basis.
I quit smoking weed for like a month and I don’t feel the urge to relapse tbh, but i feel like it was very late.
I want to make my life better, but I don’t know how, and there is nothing that can motivate to do so.
I don’t blame anyone, I did this to myself.