I realize how pathetic I am. I've been in love with someone who was never in love with me. I kept trying to change and work on my problems and do everything. I thought I made it I thought I finally was there. And then she told me she's taking to someone else. After ten years, she's talking to someone else and feels like she needs to work on things in her life and maybe one day we can try this again.

I feel so pathetic. I am in such a horrible place mentally. Just a month ago she said she was in love with me. And now she's with someone else and telling me what she needs to work on things.

My brain is going haywire. What is wrong with me? I'm so pathetic. Honestly I'm a weak minded feeble loser who doesn't deserve to even be alive. I want to go away forever. I'll never find love, I'll never get through this. I can't handle losing her again. I can't handle it. I am going to harm myself using to get through this not because I want to but because I cannot get a grip on my suicidal thoughts. They're so loud.

I told her so many times that I can't lose her again because it's going to destroy me. It's all my fault. I couldn't be better. I'm never enough.