Cw: body image issues, implied eating disorders 

A lot of the problems I have can be solved when I talk about them, but one I can never get over is my body. 

I both hate it and love it for the same reasons. I want to do something to it to fix it and yet I don’t. I want to get stronger and buffer and at the same time I don’t and it’s exhausting. But I can never said any of this out loud. I’m not underweight or overweight but I still hate it. I can’t sort out my issues because they’re not seen as issues. I want to like myself but I can’t when I designate 20 minutes everyday and point out what’s wrong with it. I feel I’m disgusting and gross for having this body, all the blemishes and moles and birthmarks remind me of how ugly I feel in this body and of course it goes beyond this flesh prison. 
Maybe I’m just insecure about having body issues I shouldn’t have.