Hey everybody

I'm a teen male diagnosed with BPD, and I have recognised these symptoms and behaviours since 11 years old. I can't remember feeling any different. I can't remember a time without mood swings, huge boiling anger, constant suicidal thoughts, feelings, and actions, and depression. Right now, I don't know what I'm feeling. I can't tell. It doesn't feel like usual numbness, but I'm not "happy" either. I fucking hate it. BPD is my comforting safety blanket, and I never want to feel different. 

Can anyone relate? Just me?