I feel tired. I'm not quite sure what I'm tired of. I felt so happy but I've been going through feelings. Old feelings. Ones that could leave lives in danger. I have a dark past. I can't. It can switch on like an instant with little warning or trigger. I just go blank. I lose my emotions. I see such dark things. I feel such dark things. I feel like writing here instead of on my own private journal. Idk if it's shock value I'm looking for or what? I'm happy. I'm so happy. But I'm left with an emptying feeling. I want to be held. I want to be loved. I want to know that everything will be okay...My dreams fell apart so many times. It's hard to create new ones. Small ones form but I'm so uncertain...Sometimes I want to be killed. I've always wanted to be cared of. But...Once my use is up I'm ready to die. Please...If someone sees this please...End me. Do it. I'll love you to the end of the earth and beyond just kill me please. Set me free, let my blood at last spill.