So I’ve been in a really weird state for years now. When I was 14 I entered an abusive relationship with a 21 year old long distance, and ended up starting to become homeschooled and slowly not do my work until I dropped out. a year later we broke up, I never went back. my social anxiety got much worse, it’s been really hard to talk to people for a long time. fast forward Im 15-16 start dating this guy H who was perfect at first but slowly started becoming a monster. he showed so many red flags but I didn’t care because I was so lonely and desperate. he ruined my mental state, and the reason we broke up is he sexually assaulted my friend at my birthday party and I just couldn’t deal after that. during all that, my grandmother mental health arrested me because during my relationship with H I was having violent outbursts and breaking shit in the house. I was diagnosed with BPD, since then my life has changed. I’ve had symptoms growing up, but during my teen years it’s just worsened to no end. I’m almost 18 now, I dissociate constantly, because of my social anxiety I struggle to meet people and my BPD makes it hard to maintain relationships I already have. I have a partner who also has the same illness I have, it’s great because they’re the only person I know who understands and we aren’t toxic for each other. I’m slowly growing, but I feel like I’m at a halt too. I have not been able to make friends in years, the only people I’ve met have been through others. I feel like a failure for dropping out, I’m really confused on what I want to do with my life.. I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel like an empty shell. I tried holding a job at wendys and I just couldn’t do it, I had a panic attack every shift until I just quit. I want to be able to function like a normal human, but I don’t know if I ever will. I’ve been through a lot more, I have to deal with the trauma from past mental &amp; physical abuse &amp; also dealing with an extremely mentally ill family members all the time.. I feel like my brain is caving in. I tried to force myself into my partners friend group and now I feel like everyone just hates me. I tried too hard. I have no friends and I feel like weird good for nothing loser.