I broke up with my ex in 2018 because he cheated on me, and I’ve been single (with a couple short-lived flings) since. I figured dating wasn’t for me, I’d never had a long-term relationship, &amp; I was too afraid of being manipulated and hurt again, along with relationships triggering my worst BPD and anxious-attachment traits.

Then I reconnected with an old friend, someone I hadn’t talked to in a couple years, and he made it clear he liked me. I reciprocated, despite it having been under a week, &amp; we immediately began hanging out even more. He was set to go on vacation, &amp; before leaving he essentially told me he wanted to become serious.

I told him we should wait and revisit that topic when he gets back, and I jokingly asked how long he’d be okay waiting until we got more serious, and he’d said he’d very likely want to get serious after he got home.

Fast forward to tonight, a few days into his trip, and he’s now told me he’s reconsidering the whole “dating” thing, so now I’m laying in bed ugly crying and thinking some pretty dark thoughts and being mad at myself for not just being so traumatized I could have rejected him outright. I’m mad at myself for starting to catch feelings, and for entertaining my thoughts of being his girlfriend, because now I’m just upset. It feels like someone actually stomped on my heart. I wasn’t even “in love”, but I saw myself heading down that road and now it feels like a fever dream.

It’s probably better if we don’t date anyways. I’ve got a lot of fun BPD symptoms on top of anxiety and depression and adhd so I’m a complete mess and would have been the worst romantic partner anyways lol.

Aaaaanyways, if anyone has some good coping skills please send them my way because I am so close to breaking lol.