I was dating this guy for 6 months and it was great initially but for the past 3 months it’s been really bad, my mental health has been terrible and I decided to see a psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with BPD along with a mood disorder. my fear of abandonment and lack of getting my needs met really sent me into a spiral where my partner and I would have arguments everyday and I hate myself for it. I would usually start the arguments and I didn’t do it to hurt him. I would split and I would either see him as really good or really bad and in those episodes devaluing him as really affected him and it was never intentional. I feel like shit I want to rip my insides out, I can’t deal with the pain and guilt but he’s so mentally drained dealing with me now that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and it’s really making me feel like shit and I don’t know what to do, I’m spiraling, I didn’t want to hurt him, I love him and I can’t deal with the fact that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore to a point that I’m begging him to give me a chance and stay with me. But he’s so sure I will remain the same. He’s scared that it will happen again and we both will get in the same situation that we’ve been in for 3 months But I’m trying. I’m trying to get better, I don’t want to hurt him. I’m trying to change. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to lose him