So I (24m) have been feeling down rather often the last few years, but these last few month im feeling constantly down. My life just feels stuck. Everyday when my alarm rings i just cant get out of bed, even tho i usually sleep for 8 hours or so. I end up laying in bed for 1, 2 or 3 hours, thinking about how shitty my life is and how i dont make progress at all. I also get suicidal thoughts alot, even tho i dont have any intention to harm myself in any way. I dont want to die, but smh my brain doesnt get that.

So yesterday i decided to finally get help and call my doc for an appointment. Before making that call i sat there and stared at the number, contemplating if i really wanted to do this. I made a list and wrote down reasons why i want to get help and reasons why i dont. Everything just pointed to me making that call and after 2 hours i finally pressed call.

So then i was on the phone with a woman at my doctors office. I told her with a kinda shaky voice that i would like an appointment. She asked  what it was about and i told her that i felt rather bad lately had trouble sleeping and am feeling tired alot(i didnt feel comfortable sharing that i feel depressed). She said she doesnt have a free spot in the next few weeks and told me i should come in without an appointment on thursday or friday.

So now im here without an appointment contemplating if i should actually go there tomorrow. It kinda sucks, that im in the situation before the phonecall again, where i have to make that decision to get help. 
Im so nervous about getting help. I dont know what i should even say. I dont know how to talk about my feelings. I dont even know if ill make it out of bed tonorrow, before the doctors office closes.

Im so afraid about revealing this about me, but i dont think i can pull myself out of this without help. Can someone maybe give me some kind words and share their experiences with finally opening up, so my anxiety about this comes to an ease?