hi everyone i'm new here and tentatively posting for advice/help/to rant, if that's not allowed i'll remove the post :) so basically i have BPD and i've recently got a boyfriend. he doesn't know i have BPD specifically but he knows i am mentally ill with a past of abuse, he's been around for one of my really bad depressive phases and he knows that i slip into them easily, he also knows i'm terrified of people leaving me or hating me etc. 

basically, we're long distance for this summer till we're back in the same city. he's my favorite person as well as my boyfriend so it's been super hard on me, i've been going through terrible depression since. we do still talk every day though but with him being so far apart it's so easy to succumb to the anxiety and paranoia. 

so basically i'm just constantly so scared that he's going to realize he doesn't really care about me since we're apart and it will end. he does show affection and say he loves me and stuff, but i'm worried he's just doing it cause i am. whenever something happens to "affirm" this i just lose it. like today he said he would call me later; i texted him asking if he was gonna call and he said he was with a friend. my first reaction was: he clearly doesn't want to talk to me, he's gonna start avoiding me, etc etc. my second thought was: im probably annoying him so much by texting him when he's out having fun, he's gonna think i'm way too clingy, etc. and here i am in hysterics over the silliest little thing. 

it sucks because logically and rationally i know im making a huge deal out of literally nothing and that the reaction is out of proportion and ridiculous, but that doesn't help at all, i still feel so sad and awful. i want to talk to him but im so scared if i talk to him about it he's going to just think im crazy and way too attached (for context we've been like a thing for a while but only officially dating for a month now so i feel like it's too way too soon and i'm just super attached bc BPD). 

does anyone have any advice and similar stories to share? im at my wits end and none of my IRL friends have BPD or anything worse than anxiety in fact, so if i talk to them about this they'll just assume i'm overreacting and won't understand that i literally cannot help it