I was born in a third world country, and currently live in a small city that's becoming a ghosttown; my country has no future.

I have asperger and spent most of my childhood undiagnosed asperger. I was bullied soo much, I don't even remember most of my childhood. I was bullied soo much I feel I have CPTSD, I just don't know anymore how to feel happy. Most of the time I was bullied by my classmates, but by high school it was also the teachers too.

I was forced to go to military service where they treated my like crap, I couldn't take it; don't know how I passed it through.

During the pandemic I discovered I'm transgender; the country where I live is a terrible country to be transgender in.

I'm currently struggling with college studying engineering, but I'm too scared and having to get a job and having horrible bosses and work acquaintances.

The only thing I had luck with is that my parents weren't abussive and my family isn't poor (we're not rich either).

I've been seeing a phsychiatrist (who prescribe me alprazolam, sertralin and risperidone) and a psychologist, but I can't live like that; having to do to therapy and taking medicine for the rest of my life? No, just no; that's not a way to live life.

When is my suffering supposed to end, I don't want to live anymore, depression is killing me. Why I can't stop feeling miserable? What am I supposed to do to feel better?