Hi, 

I’m looking for any kind of advice really. I have suffered with anxiety for years on and off but never with Panic attacks.

I had a period of severe anxiety around 12 years ago after the birth of my eldest son, I was eventually after a few months prescribed a high dose of Amitryptline which really helped me. I was on this for many years before it was changed to Fluoextine as the Amitriptyline had given me Tachycardia also due to PTSD.

I eventually got married and for the past 5 years had very little anxiety and managed to lead a normal life with no medication. Last year I started to suffer panic attacks when I was driving. This led to some avoidance behaviour and eventually was happening every time I drove so I have stopped driving altogether. 

Just before Christmas my anxiety and heart rate were at an all time high so the GP put me back on 20mg Fluoxetine and bisoprosol as well as Diazapam. A week in on Christmas Eve I had the worst panic attack I have ever experienced. I actually ended up passing out and having the paramedics out. When I was in hospital they said I had reacted to the Diazapam and told me not to take it. I spent the next three days in bed having panic attack after attack and the most horrific thoughts I have ever had in my life. I stopped all medication as I was not sure what had caused it I was not convinced it was the Diazapam alone and more a combination of all. 

I actually started to feel better but I then caught covid from likely being in A and E as I had been nowhere else. I was ill for around 4 weeks and during this time the drs prescribed me Flupentixol which again made the horrible thoughts return and a sense of no control so I stopped then came the Setraline, and the same thing. I was the prescribed propoponal which I’m yet to take as I’m too scared. 

My dr now has prescribed me Pregablin but everybody says it’s awful and not to take it. I’ve never had a fear of medications or their side effects but I’m
now finding myself in a position where each drug I take is having a real adverse affect on me and I’m now absolutely petrified.

Point is my anxiety and panic attacks are horrific I worry from the minute I wake up to the minute I sleep. I’m having around 8-10 attacks daily on a good day! I now have all the typical symptoms alongside such as dizziness, blurred vision, tinnitus and fast heart. Most nights I go to sleep convinced I’m likely not to wake up because of how physically bad I feel.

My husband is still not back at work since Xmas eve as I am terrified to be alone. I have never been dependant on him or anyone like this and I know I need help to get better, I am having cbt currently, but I’m so scared of medication that I’m finding myself in this catch 22 position I literally feel like I’m going crazy and I have never felt so hopeless. 

I guess I’m just looking for any advice re the medication or self help techniques. I am doing meditation, deep breathing cbt and so far I’m just worse. 

Any help particularly with my fear of the meds would be great. I know my GP is the best person but I think they’re running out of things to try and I’m
Not helping by refusing to try them due to sheer fear of how they could adversely affect me after what happened Xmas eve.