I'm so sorry in advance for this will be somewhat incoherent as I'm really fed up at this point.



Either we are in a relationship driving ourselves nuts or single obsessing over someone! IT'S LIKE IM NEVER ALONE IN MY THOUGHTS. For once I would want to just think and worry about me instead of obsessing over a FP. 

It's like when im single my mind chooses this random person from the past or my present and i go in circles around this idea of them being the perfect story I've always chased.


Even before learning how to spell my name I think I learnt how to daydream about some guy I liked and would do this for days before finding someone else. The good part abt all this was that atleast this was limited to my imagination and I had no intentions of doing anything abt it. Years went by with me literally being an addict of maladaptive daydreaming.


The trickier part came when I actually found myself in a relationship. It's not even worth talking abt it's just something I'm not capable of. I obsess to the point of driving myself nuts and block the other person. This cycle keeps repeating over and over and over.


I've sworn off relationships but it's just that years of daydreaming has left me not knowing how to be single either. I always have someone on my mind. Lately I've been thinking abt this ex bf of mine. It's been 4 years. They are in college and have a life whereas here I'm in a rut from past 4years doing ABSOLUTELY nothing and jumping from one relationship to another. And when I'm not dating I'm imagining a life with some long gone person.