I am 22 nearly 23, a few years ago when I was 19 I wrote a suicide note, or really a letter saying why I felt so awful and why I felt like giving up

Tonight I feel very alone and frighteningly unhappy so I tried to find the note to read it. In my head if it says the same things I’m feeling now then it just shows how it doesn’t get better 

I have grown a lot as a person the last few years, both in myself and my beliefs and sense of self and also in how I have made myself more secure and ‘happy’. I try to treat myself with kindness, push myself to be ambitious and try to enjoy things but when it boils down to nights like these I feel I haven’t gotten any better and I’m now just older 

Back in 2019 one of my biggest sources of depression was the amount of sexual abuse I had experienced, I hoped being more removed from it (although some further abuse did continue to occur in 2020) would make me feel better 

I don’t know if this is the kind of thing to post here, I just feel so alone and like I need someone to hear me