Well I've recently joined the club. I'm actually a mental health nurse and a month ago I finally broke. Months of major workload, a complete lack of social life over the pandemic and bullying from a supervisor, I decided I just didn't want to be around anymore. While I've never had any input my entire life from the mental health system, I suddenly found myself as nurse to patient, after being found by the police.

I found being a patient extremely difficult, especially when you have the education to know what good care is and when things aren't bring done right. While prior I'd be one of the most agreeable people you could meet. I suddenly found myself in arguments with staff. Like being unable to sleep and having staff tell you to return to your bed area because it's "lock up time". One time I was assaulted by a paranoid schizophrenic (Don't blame him, he was just unwell) and after wanting to spend time alone in the communal garden to get some headspace, only to be threatened with detention for not coming inside.

Eventually I met my psychiatrist, which included him implying my lack of social contact and stress from my manager could be paranoia and then put me on a antidepressant that dramatically increases suicidal thoughts compared to any other antidepressant. I wasn't impressed and requested another psychiatrist, questioning his clinical judgement. The next time he seen me, I was diagnosed with BPD with immediate discharge. My suicide attempt? Just fear of abandonment! My issues with my care? Psychological splitting apparently... And the cause? I disclosed childhood trauma.

I spoke against the diagnosis, not because there is any shame in BPD, but the evidence for it was questionable at best. I asked if I could challenge it and the answer was no. Now I'm home, still suicidal and feel any issues I had with my care became pathologized. I can't even lift a phone to a mental health team, or it'll be added as further evidence that I'm scared of being abandoned.