-it’s one in the morning and I’m exhausted if I don’t make a lot of sense that’s probably why

All my life I’ve been told my inability to do things has been laziness, a conscious decision to not do them. To me it feels different to that, I want to do things but it’s like I’m trapped in my own useless body. I can’t  do anything but people always focus on that I don’t do things for other people, not the fact my living space could be considered a hazard, or that I don’t do any of my hobbies or that I struggle with things as basic as brushing my teeth. What makes it worse is that sometimes I can do things and they’re easy and I should be able to do them all the time if they’re so easy but I just fucking can’t I can’t do anything some days. I put on dumb YouTube videos and stuff to try and distract myself from well me, but people think it’s something I enjoy but that couldn’t be further from the truth I fucking hate staring at my screen for hours with the occasional tap I feel like a zombie but I can’t turn away. I should be able to and i know I am able to because I’ve done it before I just can’t a lot of the time and it pisses me off. I can’t explain it to anyone without them not understanding and telling me to just do it or some bs like that. 
The amount of things I’ve heard it I’m starting to believe it. What if I am just faking it to be lazy? What if being a lazy piece of shit human is something I’ve always been and I’m just trying to excuse why I’m like this. It’s hell. The more I feel helpless the more guilt I feel for not being able to do anything.

I guess after all that all I’m really here for from you guys is some kind of answer? I know some mental conditions make you doubt and loathe yourself but I’m honest to god not sure what to do or how to feel even marginally less shitty about this