I'm going absolutely fucking crazy. I can't deal with it all anymore. This disorder and all my others are crippling me minutely. I can't even be bothered to type it all out its so exhausting and there is too much to write about, and I also feel like I'm just crying wolf at this point, nobody cares anyway, I am doing this for attention, doing this won't achieve anything, others have it worse, and I'm most likely making it all up and faking it anyway.

Therapy isn't working, helping, nothing is. Getting new meds takes months and months of pushing. Nobody feels like my cause is urgent, or perhaps cares. I feel unheard and ignored by everyone, yet I am judged harshly for my actions, or lack of. Nobody seems to understand me. I just can't fucking deal with it all anymore, I am in so much emotional pain from the time I wake up and feel so hopeless.

Some people in my life tell me I don't have BPD anyway so what is the fucking point. I am just fucking insane and there is nothing wrong with me, I am just an epitome of a failed human, a horrible selfish disgusting lazy waste of space, attempting to cover up and excuse their shortcomings with various illnesses. It is my fault. I get to spend my entire life watching on the sidelines as my mental and physical health deteriorates, while everyone else is successful and leaving me behind. I just want it all to end please and I don't feel like I have a way out anymore apart from killing myself.