Throwaway account as I'm not certain who is aware of my other reddit account.

I'm not necessarily trying to get advice unless you want to do that. I would happily accept any input at all but I'm making this post to see if anyone can relate to this.

I have these crushes like anyone else in the world does but I've always felt like mine have been unnecessarily intense and more destructive to me than what crushes generally are. I tend to allow it in the early stages because they seem harmless and it can brighten my day a bit. But every once in a while with the right (Or wrong!) person there is generally some drop off point where they just consume my entire brain. It doesn't happen every time with every person. 

I do not believe they are the same as having an FP. What I understand as an FP has been a different experience but I believe a person can be both of these things. I find myself more in these crush situations than FP. 

The past few intense crushes have been largely social media based. It is easy to stay connected with them without outwardly seeming creepy especially with certain types such as twitch streamers or other types of content creators as they want that interaction and they like attention. I'm skilled at a few things and I am reluctant to admit I use them to my advantage to get attention so I may be a favored person in each circumstance which just makes it worse and an easier trap to fall into.

They can be pretty life destroying for me as they happen whether I'm single or not. Luckily in most cases these people have not been people I got into relationships with as I feel I would be powerless to them if they reciprocated. In the past I've ended relationships over this kind of thing because it's just something I always yearn for is the next person to obess over.  

I feel as if I could never be specific or in depth enough but I don't want an obnoxiously long post, hopefully it makes some sense!