Sorry if this is wrong place to post I just want advice how to see a better perspective of this

To not make this a narrative, long story short I have this old friend who I met at a cosplay convention when I was 13 (2010) 
. Only asked to take a photo with me then a couple days later found my Facebook and added it. Instantly proceeded to hit on me and I told him I was 13 (he was 18) and left at that.
Later at another con we managed to discover/made some mutual friends between eachother and become more familiar to this stranger
Later Invited me to his 22nd birthday party to which me and a couple friends crashed at and the next day he insisted to walk me to the bus stop and when the bus came he kissed me unexpectedly when saying goodbye (wrong because I was 17 and had a boyfriend at the time he was aware of)
Point making here is my friendship with this person has already been awkward for me .
Later down the track I met a guy who asked me out and became my boyfriend and discovered that these two boys were decent friends once he visited one day. I have no reason to not be okay about this so over the course of me being with that particular boyfriend it consisted of visits from this friend every now and again. I will admit he’s been a good mate and helped me out if he could

Later at another party this friend tried to hit on one of my girlfriends and proceeded to crash in the bed next to her after I put her to bed blackout drunk and she told me she woke up frightened not knowing who was spooning her. 

And at another point, Unfortunately even with proof and witness in regards to my abuser this friend seemed to support me but also proceeded to befriend and hang out with my abuser behind my back. This didn’t sit well with me not that I burnt any bridges I just didn’t feel comfortable pursuing or maintaining any closer friendship with this guy. Over years it was just a quick chat or send meme here and there over social media.
Keeping it peaceful and respectfully.
I haven’t seen them since 2017.

Fast forward to now, this guy started calling my phone randomly and I ignored it until it rang again so I answered 
He told me that his spine is internally bleeding and the doctors said it can’t be fixed and that he has 6 months to live and his parents kicked him out of home regardless so he is living in a share house bedridden, and that I’ve always been a good friend that he held dearly and it would be nice if I could visit him.

I am having a lot of anxiety about this situation 
I feel scared about seeing this person and how ill react to them in a deteriorate state yet alone going to a random house full of strangers by myself (I don’t socialise or think highly of the mutuals friends we once used to have) I don’t feel like it’s appropriate to bring any other friends into this that don’t know him. 
I can’t ask to meet anywhere else because he’s bedridden
And basically I feel like a piece of shit for feeling this way and I’ll feel like a piece of shit if I don’t see this guy before he dies?? But I feel so scared  that im putting this off and avoiding it because it’s making me so stressed. Am I being totally irrational? How can I combat this situation?