TW; Cussing, suicidal.

I give up. I truly do not deserve anything. My mental health is fucked once again. Everything is numb.

I ran out of fucks I have for my well being.

It feels like no one genuinely cares anymore, and my mental health worsens each day. It's almost like a downward spiral and all I can do is sit and watch while saying some people still have it worse.

The second I actually end myself, I can guarantee that the last thought going through my fragile mind will be 'I'm fine', something I will claim until it's far too late, way beyond the point of fine.

Anxiety sucks. Whatever I have sucks. I don't want to self diagnose until I do more research but I don't think I need to label how badly I'm falling apart.

I'm fragile. Every time someone touches me, I just crumble more and more.

I'm at the point where I've tried everything and it doesn't help. Therapy? Check. Pills? Just made it worse. Checking myself into a hospital? I still attempted to take my life. I don't know what's wrong with me. My head always feels like it's drowning. I'm getting addicted to alcohol. 

The hotlines I've called in Canada are just jokes to me. "Drink some tea and take a warm bath!" Or just immediately hanging up. Very helpful.

It's just a bunch of personality disorders mixed with mommy and daddy issues also mixing with ADHD and my autism. Along with extremely bad anxiety and other things I don't know about yet. It's like a really bad fruit punch. 

No one understands how much pain I really am in. How the fuck can I be so numb but in so much pain. How does that bloody work?

I want to die, I really do. I'm not sure if I'm going to make it. I want to, but fuck man, nothing is helping me.

I don't know anymore. I can't even cry. My head always hurts and I've tried to overdose twice last week, and I'm just... tired. Tired of people, myself, this world itself. I have never found anything good in it.

Why does nothing work. Am I just that broken? Will I ever be fixed? I don't know.