Where I live right now the air is grey and red and in most places around here it seems like there’s post apocalyptic corporate parking lots sprawled across the arid land just filled with trash. The homeless are increasing in numbers and need support. I gave out food and water a couple of days ago because it was 111 degrees, i felt awful for the people sweating out there in the poor air quality.

I keep thinking about how odd it is to be born at the beginning of the end. I really can’t tell if this is my mental illness talking. It SEEMS like the beginning of the end of humanity. I’m too tired to list the reasons, and anyway we’re all living them in our own way. I do not feel suicidal but I also essentially have no hope. I can’t imagine a way out of these circumstances and so it’s hard to get invested in much.

How long is it okay to hunker down and wait for this to pass? It’s not going to. If I thought it would make a difference I might fight back but I feel overwhelmed and not sure how to start. How are young people supposed to have natural aspirations and visions of the future? This existential dread is so literal and concrete now.

If anyone knows how to pretend like the state of the world is normal or even reparable, let me know. On top of this, I feel like I am wasting my life by being paralyzed by the apocalypse.

Thanks for listening, don’t call me dramatic