Actually told the hospital what's going on with me.
I just want to die, and I realised that it's been going on and off for about 15 years. Only reason I'm alive is because I'm the sole provider for my kid and she will probably end up in Foster care. So I promised myself  that I will get her to adult age before doing anything. And we are closing in on that. Not been a good parent in my eyes, always been there physical but not emotional. I'm truly sorry for that. 

Been 10 years of kind of functional junkie, clean now. I did not use all the time, but relapse after relapse (stay away from opiates) Or I'm gonna start with thc and cbd oil. Hopefully the cbd helps and I don't need the thc ones. Been slowly killing myself during this period of life and it all culminated in a stroke this year and that put me in a wheelchair(up now) and unable to get physical tired. The first 9 days at the hospital I got 9 hours of sleep bacuse I was unable to get tired (always been a problem, usually I use up all the energy roofing or hitting the gym)

And  what now? I can't do roofs anymore. If u can't even provide for my kid. Got a little disability every month. 

Just needed to vent, so I don't shut myself in when I'm going to the hospital. Been so used to say its fine that I have problem to say it