Hi all, so as the title says– its my 24th birthday today and here I am feeling extremely depressed, have been crying since last night.. I have been going through alot for the past month ( post abortion depression, family problems and relationship ) and in all honesty, I feel so emotionally burnt out. Im sick of people and how im being treated. My family being so passive aggressive towards me hurts me so much and i try my hardest to ignore it. Im starting to hate them because I know deep down they are one of the main reason why I chose to terminate my pregnancy even though I didn't want to.. My current boyfriend who (somehow) cares constantly makes me feel so alone. I dont understand anymore. Ive been feeling depressed and miserable for the past 6 years and to be very honest all I want is to disappear. I keep praying to God that my life should be given to somehow who deserves MORE to live than me who's always constantly miserable. Im tired of being me. Im tired of my BPD. Having the constant uncontrollable anxiety and fear of being abandoned and neglected. Im tired of living.. Every day reminds me of how much life sucks for me. And today is such a reminder of how alone I am. How people dont really care because they have their own lives to think about.

I feel shit for feeling so desperate to be happy on this day. Now here I am in my bedroom crying, could barely breathe and feeling so hopeless about everything.