I'm going to start this by saying that me and this man have literally 0% chance of ever being together (distance, he's older, he has a gf) and rationally, I know this but I'm slowly becoming more and more occupied with finding ways to be with him - or imagining scenarios where we could be together. I don't mean this in a stalkerish way, but I find myself making plans to study in the same city as him, enter a similar career field, and like his hobbies and his favourite places so we have lots in common, making us more likely to be at least close friends, or friends with his girlfriend (who I have met, and she's lovely.) should we ever happen to bump into each other or talk more as friends anyway.

I'm just very unsure if the plans I'm making are for me (ie - the career and the city are both things I love), or whether I'm seeing them as steps to an "end goal" (being closer to him). It's making my sense of self very shaky, if I'm completely honest

I have met him before, and the conversation was friendly and normal and I didn't come across like a psycho or anything (ever since my diagnosis I'm so worried about coming off as a weirdo when it comes to these feelings). I was just wondering if this is something that others also deal with and whether it sounds like he's developed into a favourite person? Like I said - rationally I know nothing will ever happen and I won't follow through with these daydreams, but the frequency and intensity of "I'm going to do this" when I have these daydreams is making me confused about whether it's \*me\* actually wanting these things or just the BPD talking. 

Thank you for reading! &lt;3 