I started with medication two weeks ago or something. I'm on an antidepressant, an antipsychotic and a sleeping pill. I feel like it calms down my body like i want, but i keep thinking about the long term. 

1. I should learn to be ok without the help of pills
2. Those pills can harm my body
3. I shouldn't depend on pills or other THINGS, i should depend on MYSELF
4. I'm scared to OD (i've never OD before, not an addict either, but i'm impulsive and take risks).
5. I live with my family and they don't know anything abt my mental health issues, i hide my pills in my bag and it's tiring to keep hiding them knowing that i have no privacy and they'll probably look into my bag one day without me knowing..

I hate myself. It was ME who suggested medication to my therapist and now i wanna stop. Yeah i know what you're thinking, "you've never been on medication before and it's completely ok that you wanted to try it out and now you wanna stop". 

I also feel like i'm lying to myself about how much i'm suffering. I feel like i victimize myself and making it worse than it actually is or can be. I'm so stupid omg.