I read a post not long ago where someone was diagnosed with bpd because of their behaviors, only to find out later they didn’t have it, but were being seriously mentally abused and gaslit into thinking they were crazy, acting out, etc. 

I TRULY worry about this. My behaviors aren’t great at times, but most times I’m fairly normal. When I get set off... it’s another story.

I’m always in trouble/catching attitude/being called crazy. 

Everything I say, my SO counters comparing what I just said to how it relates to them instead of responding to what I said. 

It’s always worse for my SO. Today I said, “man, I had a bad sleep night. I probably got four hours.” SO responds, “yeah, well I got like, one.” Cool. Thanks for the acknowledgment. This goes for EVERYTHING I say. If I feel like shit and am depressed, my SO has “been depressed their entire life, get over it.”

My feelings are always invalidated. SO constantly tells me that everyone goes through the feelings I do and that I’m not special. “Everyone feels that way. You just don’t want to try to act normal,” or, “You don’t just magically get to act like your feelings are any stronger than anyone else’s; we all feel that way”, or “you could be normal, but you are CHOOSING not to be” are common things that come out of SO’s mouth. Kids have picked up on telling me the same. This morning I was told I was a crazy person by my 3.5-year-old. 

They’ve also told me that they don’t have to be with me with bpd. And they’re right, they don’t. But they were the one who pushed me into figuring out my mental health and told me they’d be be there for me. Now it’s not their responsibility to help me learn about it. SO has known about bpd for some time, and refuses to read anything about it or how to deal with somebody with it because, again, it’s not their problem. 

Everything is about SO. As I might have already mentioned, we have children together and SO does and says things to them (parenting things), and when I say the same, I’m wrong. When I enforce SO’s rules, I’m wrong. When I try to make rules, I’m literally told I don’t have the authority. The house is decorated how they want, our life is lived how they want, our children are parented by one parent, and babysat by another. SO gets the say on what happens with the children, I’m told to watch them and do what is asked of me. 

This is just the tip of the iceberg. I’ve been wondering if they’re NPD for some time now. SO tell me my mother is NPD and out to get me. My mother tells me my SO is NPD and out to get me. They both get super, super offended when I try to talk to either one of them about their behavior (explosions of rage, finger pointing, “you said this, you did that”, threatening to take my children because I’m “crazy”, said in front of said children, and now they often repeat, etc.) “I do believe my mother is NPD, and my SO is literally a spitting-image, behavior-wise.

Idk, I had some anger issues when I was a child, but didn’t feel insane until the last 5 or so years. I’m 29. I don’t know if I really have BPD or not. The heck is going on. 

Is this normal? I know you’re not doctors and can’t tell me if I’m being driven insane or if I’m really partway there. I’m told at least once a day that I am, typically in front of my children, and I’ve just accepted it and have taken it as a part of my identity. 

I’m so, so tired.