I hv been going through a lot recently(feels like an understatement). I’ve been diagnosed with bpd and i have fp. A fp to someone with bpd is like the whole world to the pwBpd…and i fell in love with my fp but she can’t reciprocate my feelings and that hurts but now she has a bf and I feel like ive lost her…I can’t keep being close to her as i was before which hurts so much more. I’ve tried finding someone else so that i can go back to her…so that I don’t feel bad seeing her with someone else…but i just can’t seem to move on…its tearing my head apart…i just can’t love anyone else and I can’t stand being away from her. Two days ago i told her we need to keep more distance between us cause it’s hurting me too much …now today morning i just received an academic warning from my university cause im failing my classes. I want to tell her cause she would know the right things to say but I can’t cause ill attach myself to her again. Now I feel like im drowning all alone. I don’t have anyone else i can talk to abt this. I cant tell my parents and i dont want them to find out cause they paid a lot of money for my studies. The classes are online because of covid restrictions in the country im a student at and the classes hv been taking a toll on my mental health cause i hv to wake up at ridiculous hrs due to the time difference …thats why my grades declined. I can’t tell my parents cause they wont understand. They are very harsh and they would think im playing around with my studies.They refused to pay for my therapy and dont support me with my mental health. Two weeks ago they found out i use weed…and they told me they’d chase me out of the house…now if they find out im abt to be expelled from my uni because of failing …idk what they will do tbh. I just feel like im drowning and it’s inevitable that ill give in.