My mother passed away from cancer in 2015, and my father passed away in June of 2022

My grandma was taking care of me, my sisters and my father for the last 5 years. 

After my mothers passing I had depression from 11-16, I didn’t get any help, almost attempted it a few times but I couldn’t do it.
I got better with time, and moving away. I was bullied a lot. 

I moved to university 3 weeks ago at 18, I enjoy the course and I have made friends.

But I feel inferior to everyone else, I feel like am an annoyance to some of the people around me. 
My social anxiety and stutter hasn’t helped trying to get friends.

I have experienced all of this before, and I see myself listening to that little voice more and more.
I didn’t really realise how much is his death has affected me.

I really don’t want to go back to that place