Hello everyone! I have met a wonderful man. We haven’t dated for a long time yet, but we seem like we have known each other for a really long time. 
But I have this kind of problem, that I started to feel as I am a very dirty and a bad person because of my past. 

 Background of relationships:
My first relationship was very unstable. Not only because of me, but my ex boyfriend was unstable as well. I wanted to leave him for a long time but I couldn’t do it, so I was basically living a ”single” life cheating him. I knew he cheated on me also, but ofc I can’t say it was still right what I was doing back then. When I was still in a relationship with him, I jumped in another relationship and couldn’t stop it early enough, so it ended as I was cheating on that new boyfriend also. Finally I could leave my ex boyfriend and then I wanted to run away from my new relationship as well, because that man also felt like he was too dominant person for me. So I got to know new people from dating site, and found a nice man there. We started dating and it didn’t take a long time when my ’new boyfriend’ got to know about it. I told him everything then. He knew about my BPD. Ofc he was angry about what I did, but he still did want to help me and to ”start from the clean table”. I refused it because I didn’t want to continue with him anymore and I focused on that new man. 
  Back then my problem was that in the beginning of dating I was still having that relationship also, but I tried to make sure, we were not also on the relationship still. When I managed to cut other men, I focused on him. I still felt bad because he was a religious man talking about karma and it kinda triggered me. (I knew i started our dating in a wrong way kinda, still having someone) I think he could see that I was very anxious and he was having his own problems in his life, so he didn’t want to continue with me anymore. But these experiences also made me think more and how to be a better person. No lies, cheating etc. Lies were like coping mechanisms to me before. But now I can say I got mostly rid of them and I can’t just lie, otherwise I will be super anxious.
 
So here’s my case now, after that I started to see a man, who was very Interested on me, I wasn’t that into but I tried to give him a chance. We met two times and we had sex. For some reason when I started to think that I would have something serious with him, it started to disgust me. And after that second time I was sure I wasn’t into him. But i have also invited the another man into my place. I felt very awkward because I was just seeing another man and having sex with him etc. And now there’s another man coming to see me. I was about to tell him maybe we can see another time (i wanted to have time only for myself and keep my thoughts rational without impulses) but he already bought tickets to come to see me. I couldn’t say him no anymore. But I tried to be open about us. We could be only friends or something more. But only friendship would have been okay also. We have met only once before that and it was mostly in a friendly way (no kissing etc) 
When we met second time, we clicked so well that I felt I actually liked him. And he also liked me so we started dating. And after that we started to see each other more often. 
 My problem is that he’s ex religious person and ofc he has some principles of it. When he knew I was more experienced than him, even tho he’s older than me, he felt very uncomfy. And now my OCD or BPD forced me to tell that I was sleeping with another man before I met him second time. Even I know it’s not my duty to tell because we were not committed then to each other. We were only at the friend stage still. But I still feel very uncomfy by myself that I am ”dirtier” than him. I know I kinda didn’t do anything wrong this time, because I want to start a healthy relationship, after investigating on me and my past behaviour.

I hope I could explain this clearly enough, even tho this is a pretty long text with a lot of information.

What do you guys think?