20F, very little social life, have some kind of depression, can't concentrate or being distracted by anything, big into eating disorders (bulimia, binge eating disorder, anorexia before, that's honestly my biggest problem there's not one hour of the day without thinking of food and how it affects me in every way), finding refuge in substances abuse as to feel alive (alcohol, pills) , afraid of getting a job, staying home most of the time, haven't find an internship so I'm probably not gonna pass my first year of school. I mean I'm pretty ashamed of how I live my life and feel stuck in this viscous circle that I've been in for a year. 
So lol, I feel too far gone for any recovery of some kind :s 
Like I don't wanna die, but I definitely can't keep living like that, and I keep trying to get better but I keep returning to it because I feel so bored and dead inside otherwise...