Hey there :) I’m not sure if anyone can give me a hand with this situation, but this had been nothing me for a while.

I’ve had BPD for the majority of my life. I didn’t understand for a long time when I was being toxic/abusive/manipulative during times where I was desperate for love, care, and validation. I would lead people on a lot, not communicate properly with people to feel like I was worth chasing, and other crappy things of the sort.

My boyfriends previous love interest led him on a lotttt and played with his feelings for roughly two years before he forced himself to move on. I know enough about her to know she has an absent father, and has dealt with a handful of emotional abuse/neglect and trauma in her life. She shows a lot of symptoms of BPD, but I’m unsure if she’s diagnosed.

I’ve moved on for the most part from my past toxic behaviours, but I can see so much of my old self in her. The desperation to feel wanted to the point of manipulating others, not knowing yourself/how to be healthy well enough to recognize your own abuse, etc.

I’ve done these same things. And now that I’ve recently started to become more forgiving and less resentful, I see through my hate for her and I have empathy toward her in a sense.

He cut her off because I influenced him a lot to, and I’ve talked so poorly about her for so long. But now I feel hypocritical. I feel like maybe she doesn’t deserve all the slander because she was just trying to fill that empty spot that needed a touch of validation, just like I did.

Am I crazy for trying to justify/understand those behaviours?? I’m scared I’ll seem like some sort of idiot/hypocrite if I try to talk to him about it. Or maybe he’ll feel like his experience is being invalidated by me.