I dont know if this is the right place to post
I lost my grandfather to cancer 3 years ago, and since that moment living has been painful. He was like my father and the most important person in my life. I was on therapy and medication and when I finally found some sort of happiness again my best friend died of a heart attack 7 months ago. She was my other half and the only person who really knew me, we had been best friends since we were both 11, Im now 24. That day something broke inside me. Breathing has been hard, every moment just reminds me that life is unfair and that I lost everything that matter. Im in therapy again but these last 2 months have been like a blur. I drop out of my courses of uni since leaving home makes me have panic attacks and Im barely doing something at work, which is home office. I live with my boyfriend but since my best friend died everything has gone south since he really doesn't know how to help me. Right now he is exhausted from being the one carying all my weight so he ask for a break. We are still living together but most of the time I stay in my room and I pretend that Im fine in front of him. Right now I know Im again depressed. I dont move from my bed, shower maybe twice a week, Im not hungry so I dont eat, I mostly just watch movies to dont think of my life, my body hurts maybe because I dont move all day. When I feel like crying I just go to my little closet in the darknest and cry. An each day it gets worst, because I can only think that Im losing my life. I have friends and family that cares of me but I dont want to ask for help, I hate myself so I dont want them to see me. But at the same time I just want someone that cares enough to ask me how am I doing, someone that could help me keep going because right now I just want to have an accident so I dont have to keep living. I dont want to keep feeling like this but I know I cant by myself. I just need someone that notices Im sad, someone that cares to find out Im not eating, nor leaving my house. Just someone that finds out Im putting a facade and help me.