For the last two weeks I have been dealing with a lot, from having a BPD episode and my husband telling me how talking about my condition and meds it’s a cop out for taking responsibility, how tired he is of hearing this….to talking to my sisters on how to help my mom with her hoarding issues…..to having CPTSD flashbacks non stop…..to having anxiety like crazy.
I am currently getting off of Zoloft because I want to try to get pregnant, and let me tell you, after 6 months of taking it the withdrawal it’s one of the most intense things I have ever gone through. I see my therapist every two weeks now because I don’t have enough money to see her every week like I did before. 
On top of all of this I am a stepmom, part time student and part time worker.
My latest resort to cope with all of this is silence and it’s killing me. I can’t talk to my husband because I don’t want to feel attacked, I can’t talk to my family because they just say to calm down, I talk to a coworker(who is a counselor) and one of my regulars at work that suffers from anxiety attacks when things are super bad, but I feel like I shouldn’t be bothering them too much with my issues. When I share my struggles with someone I feel egocentric and selfish, like I am the only one that is going through hardships, so I’d rather not share too much too often, even though I am drowning inside.
I worry about everything, to the point that I get stomach pain like if I had an ulcer, besides the anxiety attack physical symptoms. I feel so alone all the time. It’s hard for me to make friends and meet people, even though I have a job in which I have to be extroverted and social.
I want to be a mother so badly, have my own baby, but I am scared that my issues won’t let my body do what it does naturally. 
I am working on myself, I see how I have come a long way but on the other side of the coin there are times like this.
I hope this helps anyone who is reading this and makes you feel less lonely. Much love and healing vibes to all off you.