(Sorry for spelling/grammar errors, not a native speaker)

Can't believe I'll actually say this publicly, but I need to get it off my chest, and hopefully find out I'm not alone.

I am a student, and since summer is coming, the time has come for me to get a short-term student job over the summer.

I've had 3 jobs since I've started college, all of those very short, but the last was little more than a year ago. Last year I didn't work because I had 3 big exams to prepare for autumn, so I just stayed at home.

My parents are mostly paying for rent and bills, and I am receiving a scholarship which I am using as a monthly budget for food and other things I need.

I feel very bad that my parents need to support me at this age (21), and I know even if I got a job, they'd still help me out a little bit since I wouldn't be able to get much money as a student. They are not very rich, but they are investing in some small business that keeps them going, and I believe it will work out for them since they started pretty well.

The thing is - since I have so little experience in jobs, everyone thinks I am lazy and don't want to work. Ofc, I'd rather do some hobbies and live my best life while I'm still young, but I DO want to learn to work and become independent. I know it's a must in adult life. But I am so, so, so scared.

I had a rocky relationship with my dad. He has PTSD from a war that happened in our area 20 something years ago. I don't think he is a bad person, and I forgave him for the things he put me and my family through when I was younger, but I don't think I'll ever be able to forget it, and I still have it ingrained in me. Before, he was always telling me how I am incompetent, how I can't do anything right, mocking me if I did something good instead of praising me, even if someone else told him I did a good job he wouldn't believe it (for eg., when I was leaving previous rented apartment, landlord used the bathroom and said I didn't clean it well. Before her, my mom and sis went to use it as well, and they saw that I DID clean it well, and they were confused by landlord saying it wasn't clean. Dad didn't even go in there to see it but he was positive I didn't actually clean it, despite my mom and sis telling him the opposite. There were several of similar situation, but the post would be too long if I write it all). He always made me feel I couldn't do anything right. Also, besides being verbaly abusive, I got hit a few times. It was "disciplinary" in his mind - never with a fist or something, but he did slap my head and sometimes even used the belt, while screaming and yelling at me. Sometimes (can't believe I'll say this too) while he was yelling and/or physically punishing me, I peed myself from fear. 

This all stayed in my head even now. I am afraid to get a job because I don't believe I'll do anything right. I am afraid to speak to people (and most of student jobs require social interaction - cafe bars, shops etc), I am scared I'll fuck up and people will yell at me, just like my dad used to. What if my body handles it like it handled it before? 

I get physically sick by even THINKING of getting a job where I have to interact with customers. Or getting a job where I have to learn to do something I've never done before, and sucking at it. I feel like crying when I think about it and it makes me feel like a complete failure, wondering why I even exists if I'll probably never be able to contribute to society.

Nobody understands it, everyone thinks I'm just lazy and avoiding work, and it makes me feel so alone in this.

I just wish I was normal...