Hey guys. I don’t get back to therapy until a week from Monday and I’ve been out of therapy for three weeks longer than I normally would have been due to being out of town this summer. 

I’m currently outside of the scope of the DBT skills I’ve acquired so far to deal with this particular issue that I’m facing. Or, these several issues. 

My boyfriend is going through a divorce. I’ve dated him while he was separated, and he has recently filed. We had plans I thought I understood about when I would meet his family and he would be open about us, when we would get married. which would be after he filed and was finalized ...but due to family pressure, he has now said he doesn’t know when we can be open and when he will introduce me bc none of them are ready to know me yet. Hence, he doesn’t know when we will get married. And on top of that, he has gotten very religious again and has decided we need to be abstinent. 

One, two, three bombs dropped on me in a week. Major changes. I’ve been knocked completely off balance.  I’ve been using radical Acceptance and check the facts to keep myself in the country of responding rather than reacting, and that has worked, but otherwise, inside.... 

I’m a damned neurotic trainwreck.  I feel detached almost from my body my emotions are so intense.  I’m going through the motions in my family life but I feel nothing other than this crushing anxiety and desperate desire to be okay and stay in this relationship while the rest of me is screaming and in an absolute panic. I can’t feel other emotions right now, like love for my family or joy or peace. I’m numb, other than this utter abject state of desperate confusion, panic, and anxiety. 

Like I said, radical Acceptance and checking the facts are helping me to maintain stability on the surface, but i just wish I knew of other skills to help me to quiet this horrible storm of terror and anxiety inside of me. 

What makes it worse is when I’ve tried to communicate my upset and confusion calmly with him, he is patient and receptive yet has dropped comments like he questions the seriousness of my emotional stability because he would like to have at least two weeks where something didn’t upset me. He became slightly annoyed when I asked him if he could tell me if I was the one for him, if i was good enough, responding that yes I was good enough but I needed to worry about figuring out who I am and not trying to be what he wants. 

This is all confusing and hurts so damn bad. 

Did I mention he is a male borderline? Hence, the sudden and extreme shift in his identity and goals. 

I should be able to know this and to detach from it but wow, y’all I’m fighting off a major tailspin right now. 

Radical Acceptance here.... as of this moment, this relationship is the determinant of whether I’m okay or not okay, sane or not sane, happy or sad, secure or insecure. I’m so enmeshed I feel like I can’t distinguish myself from him. 

Radical Acceptance....I love him so much and want him so much yet I am drowning in the idea that more time is going to pass with me being hidden and me not getting my needs met. Yet even thoughts of ending it with him or him ending it with me drive me into desperate clingy behaviors. 


I’m drowning here, y’all. I’m smiling and acting fine and dandy on the surface but on the inside, I’m coming unraveled and I don’t have the skills to transcend this. I can’t talk to my therapist until next week and I can’t talk to anyone else about any of this because they will just tell me, girl leave him! And I wish it was that simple. I wish above and beyond it al that it was that simple. I have worked so hard to come as far as I have, I have gotten my life back on track, I’m moving toward a future I feel good about, and this relationship is like a grenade inside me with a pin that is so dangerously on the verge of being pulled. 

Any insight or skills that have helped you would be very appreciated. 