Hi. Sorry if this type of post been done to death already but i thought it was worth posting as I could really use some help from people who understand.

I've recently been told by the psychiatrists after years of thinking I had depression that I have traits of BPD/EUPD. I've started to notice how I self sabotage and one way is regarding my relationship. I am finding it very difficult to manage my trauma and it's having a knock on effect. For extra context, the past few months I have been badly triggered by finding out three people i really valued did not have good interests and then leaving my life. Whilst this is for the better, it still hurt. I don't know if this is making things worse alongside the fact me and my boyfriend are currently long distance when we are usually not AND we are both sitting important exams. 

To elaborate, I find he does the slightest thing "off" - tone, body language, a text, what he's saying etc. and it instantly puts me on edge and I can't help but bring it up and it ends up in an argument. I struggle with controlling myself in these moments as it feels like an instinct, a feeling in the gut. I sometimes find saying hey I need a breather works as I can cool down, other times it does not. Whilst I think sometimes I am justified in being upset, the FREQUENCY it happens is not right and I feel I am overblowing small things and I cannot pinpoint why. I would very much like to stop this but am not sure how. He never deserves my ire and even when the situation starts to build I think this but i cannot stop. 

We are very honest with each other and he is aware the hypersensitivity is born out of caring too much, aware I feel everyone leaves me and aware I don't believe anything good people say about me is true because if it is why do they leave? Etc. But it still hurts him, no matter how much I tell him he's an amazing person, apologise or express it through other actions. And I do get why. 

After these arguments we then make up and agree to work on improving ourselves (as he has stuff to work on too separate to this issue) and it went well for a bit but then a similar thing happened again today. He's becoming understandably very drained with the constant arguing &amp; the lack of large improvement so we are having serious talks about the relationship and its future.

I really don't want to lose him as he's an amazing guy and as the waiting list is so long for DBT, I wondered if any of you guys had tips on managing/facing abandonment trauma, communicating when feeling triggered, managing anger and the anxiety etc. Just general tips for managing typical BPD symptoms so it has a lesser effect on my relationship as I feel that would help a lot. Anything is appreciated :)