This fucking disease has taken up so much of my energy and time. It's sucked away the past two years of my life. That's two fucking years that are down the drain and gone. Two years of not doing anything besides sitting on my ass and getting drunk. Two years mired in a paralyzing depressive stupor. 

I know my brain is playing tricks on me. I understand that this disease makes things look worse than they actually are. But as soon as I start to do better, it just takes me down again and again. I really want to break out of the cycle but I don't know how. 

Thanks for letting me vent. Shit sucks.