I spent the night with the man I'm in love with (who doesn't quite trust me because of my past actions) and therefore doesn't love me back right now...nor has he yet (long story, not getting into it). I got home this morning extremely tired. Didn't take my oldest to tutoring because I was so tired and we were running late. Laid down around 11. Didn't wake up fully until 5:30. A whole wasted saturday!!

I come out of my bedroom and the house is destroyed! Like, macaroni and cheese on the carpet, toys everywhere, etc. I got so angry! I didn't yell but my oldest knew that I was disappointed and she cried. My youngest was being really helpful but she's 4 so the attention span isn't well developed. We've started cleaning and I just want to bawl. I want my girls to go away and I just want to ignore everything and cry. I feel so much about last night that I need to sort out and it's...I'm obsessing over it. My house is a pig stye and I wasted my entire Saturday being a neglectful mom and sleeping. 

I'm trying really hard to do the right thing, the hard thing, exactly the opposite of what is really, really tempting me.

I just want to cry.