I saw a video of myself and I looked awful, but when I went into work my coworkers told me I looked great, one even told me he wanted a picture with me. 

The linecooks told me I looked like shit. The cashier told me I looked beautiful. Which is it ??? I have no idea. 

I don’t know why appearance matters so much, but when I was 50lbs heavier people treated me like trash and I’m so scared to be treated that badly again. I didn’t even feel human. Now that I’m at a healthier state people talk to me, and having a good appearance is so important for a nice quality of life. 

People say appearance doesn’t matter but yes it does. I’ve seen how I’m treated differently first hand. The worst part is I don’t know what I look like. Nor do I want to know because if I find out and I don’t think I’m beautiful fil I’m going to want to stop breathing