Around 8 or so years ago I found out I was bipolar 1. I take medication and go to therapy when I can afford it. When my child was born, I moved back in with my parents because I was doing it all alone. My partner at the time was also mentally ill and left me to pick up the pieces of her letting an abusive man be a fixture in my son's life. He beat her relentlessly in front of my kid. 3 years into it, I took him and never gave him back. This was 5 years ago. 

I've had jobs on and off. Some good, others shitty fast food work. But I always lacked direction. I tried to get on disability to no avail (I'm only 41 now) and struggled over and over trying to figure out being bipolar and being a single parent. Not to mention having to move back in with my parents for way too long. It has taken me forever to get to where I am now. My father died a year and a half ago and with him, my hope to return to a university. My mom god bless her spiraled, my whole family imploded. And now it's crunch time. There is no fixing this in any way that would take any more than a few months. So I went for my IT certification. And I'm almost done! However, a lot of the demons that I thought I left behind have now reappeared. I'm being impulsive. Incredibly, wrecklessly, destructively impulsive. Especially with money and I can't seem to get a grip on it. I'm on meds of course have been for years. But my past behavior is reappearing and I'm not sure why or how to stop it because I'm failing at it hard. Does anyone have any tips on impulsivity? Or how to push through when it seems like your mind is actively trying to sabotage your best efforts? I'm exhausted from fighting it and I'm really losing hope