I fucked up so bad.

I went into an utter RAGE. I stormed out of my boyfriends house, I smashed a plantpot against his glass front door (nearly smashing it). After leaving his house i stormed through his back door without being invited in. I went straight to his kitchen and slit my wrists with a bread knife which forced him to have to grab the knife off me.

In this complete violent rage i destroyed my beloved (and expensive) headphones. Ive broken my less than 6 month old laptop which i need for university.

For context this was all over the fact that he discovered id been vaping behind his back... He was upset which in my normal rational self i understand, like why did i keep it from him, his best pal vapes in his house so why was i sneaking it about... I really do get it.... Now though, after the fact that ive destroyed his belongings and mine.

Not just that he was scared of me. I have never ever reacted this way with him, he is scared for his daughter scared for himself worried what i may do to myself while he asks for space.

Im not angry with him im angry with myself, especially as i spent so much time, effort, money on getting myself better and i knew i was slipping back into depression and more anxiety and im so frigging angry i let it happen because i know if i were him id leave. Why would he stay when he has his daughters safety to think about. We were lucky my rage didnt happen when she was home.

I need some major help right now. My arm is cut up worse than ever, ive never used a knife before. Im on anxiety medication which works for my anxiety but i dont want this rage to happen again.

Im so scared for the safety of the people around me, what if an accident did happen. I dont know if i can forgive my actions for this situation but god help me if i accidently hurt someone in the process.

Any suggestions? Ive been registered for the waiting list of a mental health nurse but that could be months. Could there be any medication that would help with this?