I’m just so tired of everything. I’m tired of pretending to be happy, pretending that everything is okay and that it will be okay. I’m tired of trying make things better, to make my relationship with my parents better. I’m tired of struggling to make anything out of my life. I’m tired of the feeling that I’m nothing more than a disappointment and embarrassment to my wife. Most of all, I’m tired of going on

Most days now I pray that my heart stops in my sleep so I don’t have to wake up anew. This year has been harder than most, I lost several family members, I had to put my three year old dog down because of a brain tumor, I’m most likely about to lose my job because a move…and now we’ve been told that my wife will either lose her job or we’ll be forced to lose the house we’re about to close on because her boss changed his mind on drive distance.

I’m just tired of the rat race. I don’t even know what the fuck I’m doing here, I feel like I’m ranting. I’m sorry.