Am 19. And I am tired... am not a extraverted person. But i always try my best to talk to people and get to know them and am always open to meeting new people and hear their intresting stories. Am happy to help or lend an ear to someone and listen to them, listen to someone who's going through tough times. And I always regularly ask them how are you,  how's everything going? To make sure they are okay and doing well. But past week i had alot of shit to deal with and I realised am fucking alone. The none of my "friends" reached out. Its like i never existed. And do they even care? I never NEVER wanted anything or expected anything back from them.   But they all fucking forgot about me... some of them i actually really deeply care about but now i don't know what to think... do they care about me? If they do why haven't they fucking realised I've been quite for a while week?
3 friends did reach out...
1st friend was just mad that i was ignoring her messenges. Didn't even fucking care to ask if am okay... she's just fucking upset and yelling at me for not responding back. While she took 0 initiative to reach out to me. 
2nd friends just wanted help with a school project... of fucking course, he only reached out for his own personal gain. 
3rd person i talk to daily who i deeply care about. And she didn't ask me how i am... but its my fault because i didn't want to burden her with my shit. I would've lied anyway if she asked. Cause i care about her and i want her to be happy. 
And yeah. That's it. I hate everything. I only have 1 real friend.... and she'll be gone soon.. once then I'll have nothing. My new year resolution was to make good friends... and i have less friends than i started now.. i just can't do this anymore. I can't... i just can't fucking do it anymore.. what's the point? Pretending and trying only to fall and fail again and again. I always try to be positive but it yeilds no fucking results...