I’ve only had one FP and I tried to get over him for months and ended up slithering back a couple months ago after getting a bit too drunk. I then told him that I was sorry for some of the things that had happened in the past, that I was now diagnosed with BPD and how that affected the relationship. Then I told him he was my FP, not to put pressure on him - but in hopes it could help me explain why I have this connection to him. He met me with kindness.

Time goes on, a lot of stuff happens. Like him finding someone else who he liked, then being open. Him telling me he loved me and if he could have the both of us that would be his dream. I hate it. And I hate her. And I hate that I hate her, she’s just trying to be happy too. He then tells her he loves me and she immediately wants to get together even after saying she wasn’t ready. Breaks my heart.

I try to distance myself for my own well-being. It works for a while. Then I get a “so I’m singleish again” text. Of course that makes me feel good. But it’s immediately followed by demands for me to come over and have sex with him. Which of course I’m happy to do always. But I can’t because of reasons and I say no. “Cmon just do it. Just get an Uber, coke over.” I cave because I cannot say no to him very well. This continues on for a week until now. I’d see him every day when he asked, even if I wasn’t supposed to or couldn’t. I would find a way, as the guilt and fear of saying no was too much for me right now. 

Then I realized that I’m just being used. He would call me up drunk to hang out, he would say the nicest things. How much he loved me, how he would do anything for me. How I was his best friend. How happy he was that we could spend time together even when we weren’t having sex. But he rarely even remembers those visits, and the nice things he says.

Other times I know I’m just there for sex. I’ll be so excited to just hang out with him, we pick a movie and get food. But immediately, it’s just sex until I have to leave. Then he doesn’t text me after. Doesn’t respond to mine. And then I just wait until the next day when hopefully I’ll get a reply that’s not one word. He knows I can’t say no, and sometimes he will just show up to wherever I am even if I do say no because he knows I cannot turn him down in person especially drunk. 

He sends me texts about how hot people are where he’s at, while I’m working. Knowing that that was part of the big reason we broke up. But gets weird when I hang out with guys. Our mutual friend literally grabbed my face when he was waiting out in a car to get me and was begging me not to do it. That I was too sweet and beautiful and funny to be with this “asshole”. To please not go home with him and even though he loves his friend, that I deserved better and he knows how sad he is going to make me.

He doesn’t really talk to me unless I ignore him, we are talking about him, somehow accidentally make him jealous, or wants me to come over. He tells me he loves me. But I don’t know.

I got scared because he said “I know you’ll do anything for me, I’m your person right? We all know I’m your person.” He was drunk but he also spills his guts so I know that’s how he felt. He’s right. But why just me? Am I not yours? You know I’m at your beck and call and you’re using it against me. I don’t know what to do.

Has anyone else experienced this?