so, for some context, i'm a 18yrl guy and can't even hope to afford help. i'm also from latin america so my inglish is less then good.

i think it started like 10 years ago when my parents divorced and i started to do everything to not be seen and to not cause any problems, that was, also, the time i started getting really fat and socially anxious. It continued until i was 16 and obese to a level that was almost lethal, i then started working out, not because i cared about my health but because i wanted to be more liked by people. 

2 years have passed, i got way thinner and better looking, but, somehow, i feel even worse. my fears of never being enough or of causing problems have destroyed many things and relationships i held dear to me. i, somehow, feel even less deserving of love or a good ending for things

for the first time in 18 years of life, i lost hope of getting better. i punish myself everyday in the gym and in other fields triyng to be a better me, but not even i believe in that anymore.

also, suffered an accident a few days back (fell face first into a rock) and got me some new scars to make my selfsteem even worse.

i will probably delete this in a few days\\weeks