I am having super strong urges/intrusive-thoughts to find a way to force a hypo/manic episode… like I’m like 8+ years clean from stims and I want to go get some adderall because I know it would push me into a weeks long episode and I don’t know why. Is it just because I’ve been dealing with major depression for the last 6 months… like… I get stim cravings from time to time, but this is very specifically about trying to get manic and I don’t know why but I want it so bad.