My [36F] fp was a guy I loved. Still love. Almost had a baby together. My mom said I’m not in the right head space to have a baby and to focus on me. He wanted nothing to do with me or the child. He blocked me. Said subhumanly things to me. I told my therapist some of the things he said. It made my male therapist cry. He was toxic for me. Truly, even on any and all regular standards. Almost an all around bad dude. He has moved on. Haven’t spoken to him in almost two weeks cause I know how bad he is for me. But..... omg..... I really miss talking to him.  I want to call him so bad. I’m so scared it will send me spiraling. Think about him everyday!