[vent]  
It's been getting progressively more unbearable day after day, week after week this december. This year was super shitty, at least from march onwards. 

The worst decision or probably second worst decision I've took this year was to stop taking the Clonazepam (idk if it has a different name in english). I don't understand how I went with my meds from "hey this isn't working" to "hey this is working" and stopped taking them??? Like what the fuck was wrong with me.

Luckily I booked an appointment with my psychiatrist for exactly 7 days from now, so at least the only thing that's probably stopping me from having a full-on anxiety attack is that...

Although I'm not really sure. I'm with some new friends right now typing this, I should be enjoying the time but it's just not possible now...  
I feel my heart beating fast still since I woke up :/ the last time being in this kind of environment and still feeling shitty like this was before my first big anxiety attack almost a year ago

I've dreaded that happening ever again...  
I just want those horrible feelings to fade away, I just want stability...

Thanks for the space