i'm 19, have no job, yeah i'm going to school full time for computer science but it doesn't feel like i'm doing anything with my life. every time i leave my room and try to interact with my family or change for the better i always regret it. it's probably very apparent to my family that i'm depressed but who gives a shit right? and if they don't know then good, wouldn't want them to think even less of me than they already do. i only ever have negative interactions with most people i just don't understand why everyone is fucking evil and out to get me. why do i still have a helicopter parent at 19? why cant i just be normal and have a job and be happy like everyone else? everyone thinks i'm a recluse but i so desperately want to get out of my room and live for one. every single FUCKING time i try though i am instantly met with regret. i should have just fucking stayed in bed i'm so sick of dealing with these morons i'm starting to hate them more than i hate myself. nobody understands whats it's like to be me so they just act shitty towards me as if that would make me want to see them at all. i have nothing to live for at all, all of my two friends are fake, nobody in my family cares about me except my grandma and even then she's probably just senile and thinks she loves me. i'm tired of even trying to get better i just wish it would all end. everyone i've ever cared about has abandoned me and anyone that cares about me now only cares because i have their blood.