Shit just keeps pilling up, the people I consider close fail to understand anything I'm going through, how the fuck am I supposed to go on?

There's so many things pulling me apart and so little holding together what ever is left of me.

All I've learnt is when it comes to it, there is no one I can rely on to just fucking understand. This superficially destigmatization of mental health is so fucking hypocritical. For fucks sake atleast try to understand what I'm going through. I feel awful about how much I've neglected things around me, the mess my room is, the stacks and stacks of work screaming at me, calling me a faliure, I keep beating myself over it, but it truly truly hurts when someone close thinks I don't know I'm doing this. Ugh, the shear powerlessness of it all, of being a a lifeless buoy just going through the ups and downs achieving nothing DO PEOPLE REALLY THINK I DON'T FUCKING SEE IT? THAT IT DOESN'T HAUNT ME ARGHHHH