I stay with a family member. We have to move again by end of the month. haven’t been in this house a full year. Why? I never been in a stable place for a long period of time since I was 15. Been through house to house. Apt to apt. Homeless a few times. I’m exhausted. I’m fucking tired of it. Every time I try to move out and do my own thing something prevents it. Trust me I have tried. So now we scrambling to try to find an apt that we can move into asap. Bad enough it have to be in my name and the family member doesn’t do what they supposed to do when it come to bills/rent. They make more than me. 

I hate my job so much. It made my depression worse. Yesterday I had back to back calls and everyone I spoke to was so mean and hateful. I was yelled at and cussed at all day long. The job is draining. Nothing I can do but get treated like a piece of shit. 

The first college I went to homecoming is today and I been looking at people pics and videos. It makes me sad I don’t have any friends. I didn’t really enjoy college life like I wanted to. When I had a group of people to hang out with it was snatched away because my mom couldn’t afford for me to go anymore. The second I went to and graduated from Homecoming is coming up soon and looking at pics/vids of it make me even more sadder. 

I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of being lonely. I’m tired of being a loser. I’m tired of not having anyone I can depend on but everyone depend on me. I’m tired being treated as a bank to people. Im tired of being a one night stand just for validation of men. I’m tired of being tired. It hurts.

I have so much to say but I guess it don’t matter. Just needed to vent some.