Sorry this is so long guys tl:dr at the bottom.

My father wasn’t around for most of my childhood. When I was 7 my mom and I moved 6 hours away after she met her ex husband. He’d visit at first but that slowly tapered off. The last time I heard from him was when I was about 9. We reconnected when I was 21 and I’m now 24 years old. 

We reconnected 12 years later. His side of the story is that my mom made it extremely difficult for him to see me. And that he didn’t know where I was or how to reach me. This isn’t all exactly true. I’m still figuring out the truth, but it seems most likely that my mom got married and tried her best to shut him out by hiding me. Like taking away cell phones he gave me so I could only talk to him if she permitted moving but letting his other family members know(I’d get cards) but not him. He gave up and decided he’d wait till I reached out to him as a teen.

Anyway we’ve been trying to make it work and definitely had a few ups and downs and stopped talking for a few months after an argument about how I’m wasting my life away.  He let me stay in the basement of one of the apartment buildings he rents. I was living in my own apartment 6 hours away and had 5 months left on my lease but he encouraged me to move to be closer to his family (he lives across the country). I ended up moving out when he got mad at me to smoking weed. 

I have Over 80 credits in an MSW program. I’m a paralegal entering law school. But I smoke weed every day. It’s a part of my lifestyle at this point. it honestly helps motivate but it’s also definitely a crutch. I’ve done some pretty neglectful things cause I wanted to get that high.

Nonetheless my dad is a seventh day Adventist from the Caribbean so weed is a hard drug and I’m an addict who is throwing my life away despite all I’ve managed to achieve while smoking. Every so often I would take a 2 hour plane ride to visit him. Out of the times I visited him I never smoked. Mainly cause I had work or school. Anyway I’m on my break (I’m taking summer classes) and while visiting i used my vape a lot. Never in front of anyone but in my room. And I have a 10 year old sister. Well he could smell it. 

He gave me the cold shoulder/silent treatment for most of the week I was there. I wasn’t sure why I genuinely thought I was hiding the vaping well. My sister started to pick a fight with me and when I went to talk to my dad he snapped at me. I snapped back and tried to go to my room but he burst in as I was closing the door and started screaming at me. I coldly but calmly told him I didn’t want to talk to him anymore and to please leave. He didn’t and continued to yell at me about my vaping which I did understand why he was mad but also a few really petty silly things. 

Anyway I was really proud of myself for not yelling and going into a rage. After his spiel about me “throwing my life away” I said “Who the hell are you?” He told me to pack my things and get out then stormed off and drove away. I don’t know anyone on that side of the country. So I left went to a hotel then took the next flight home. My step mom tried to convince me to stay but I insisted on leaving. I apologized before I left, they both complete ignored my apology. 

So now I’m thinking I’m never want to speak to him again. I think for now I decided I need to focus on school and getting to a successful point in my career before I begin to unpack all of this shit with him. I mean I dropped out of my masters program when he and I Reunited it brought up so much emotional trauma. 

I could really use some input from people who are familiar with BPD 

TL;DR: I was visiting my dad  and vaped in my room for the week. I didn’t do a good job of hiding it. After giving me the could shoulder for a few days he finally snapped, screamed at me and told me to get out of his house. Is it healthy to cut him off or is that a toxic bpd coping mechanism.