i'm feeling very sylvia plath from the bell jar and vincent van gogh when he said "the sadness will last forever". i really don't know how to make it through the rest of my life being this sad, but i know i will have to because i can't kill myself and cause pain to my friends and family. but i feel utterly alone in the world. i feel so sad and have been so sad for the past 6+ years. it's a type of sadness that never goes away - not when i'm laughing with my friends, watching movies i love, when i'm on vacation, when i'm partying. it's the type of sadness that i have to carry with me forever but never talk about. this sadness will last forever. and i don't know how to handle it