I've had a rather awful day today, once again dealing with a anxiety related issue that I've been having for years. I don't know what to do about it(but who does with anxiety lately??) and it just comes and goes at random times, often induced by nothing. I feel like I'm the only one that has this, or the only one with this incredibly specific thought process.

Does anybody else become so hyper fixated on something, while having anxiety, that you can't focus on anything else and everything else feels meaningless and pointless? I get these attacks randomly and they're usually the worse because they take me out so to speak for the entire day.

I literally cannot focus on anything else and it feels like I have physical mental block. There are many topics I end up like this over, but the main one being my future and lack there of of accomplishing anything so far.

I struggle to take one day at a time. 

For years now I've had this weird specific thought pattern, delusion, whatever you wanna call it that if I'm not punching a clock or working in some way, I am useless.

 It feels like there is no reason or time to enjoy anything. I don't have a job yet, I don't have a car yet and I haven't moved out yet. I am working towards these things but it feels like its not happening fast enough. I want things and I want them now, I want to be moved out I want a car and a stable job. I feel like I cannot concentrate on anything, namely my hobby and (current job) of artwork.

I want to enjoy art but every time I find myself enjoying something and relaxing my brain says "you don't have a job or a car yet! you haven't moved out! why enjoy art? its meaningless, you should be working! you aren't doing enough". I become so hyper fixated on this fact that it makes my anxiety worse and soon I'm spaced out have a full attack and nothing in life feels worth doing.

I don't know how to get rid of this feeling. My friends say take one day at a time and things will happen with they happen, they won't happen over night. I feel useless in the mean time. They say that punching a 9-5 won't make me feel fullfilled in my life; jobs are more than just stocking shelves. Maybe I will work from home or find something at home to do. There are variables and nothing is the same for everyone they tell me.

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I want to enjoy things, but it is hard. I am tired of feeling useless every second of the day because I have somehow tied my entire worth to punching a 9-5. Whenever this happens, everything feels useless and pointless. I don't feel like drawing or being creative now, because why bother? I haven't a job and haven't moved out yet. Why do I have panic attacks about things that will take time? Is it better to have panic attacks so I don't forget these things and become lazy? I wish I didn't feel worthless like this.

&amp;#x200B;

thanks for reading if you did. need to get thoughts off my chest.