(F19) Every year since I can remember my birthday had been awful. Whatever I wanted to do for my birthday my mother would completely disregard my wishes to keep it small and invite people over    For dinner. She’d ask me what I wanted for a birthday dessert and she’d get something complete different. She’d do all of this to follow up with a disappointing present which for 5 years in a row was hair conditioner. I have naturally very curly hair but instead of getting me a nice shirt or even a gift card or literally anything fun that a child would enjoy she would do all of this and then guilt me when I called her out for not listening. She’d constantly tell me how ungrateful I was. And I was a kid 

Today I’m 19 and I’m really struggling. I currently live at my boyfriends parents house (he isn’t here he lives at school). And I I’ve spent all day alone in my bedroom. Nobody has said happy birthday in my house nobody outside family obligation had either. I had surgery 2 days ago and no one checked on me from that. I desperately want friends but it feels like they don’t want me. So many things are happening in my life right now and I’m going through it all alone. 

My boyfriend and I got in a argument today because he hasn’t been listening to what I’m saying instead he over explains my own problems to me like I’m an idiot. 

I feel so alone and I can’t stop crying. This is probably the worst birthday I’ve ever had. I’m in pain from the surgery too. I just feel so pathetic and worthless right now