I mean extreme jealousy, seething anger, despair, walls up, splitting, lashing out over your partners past romantic experiences from *before* they even knew you. 

I’ve been with my husband almost a decade and I cannot shake this. It’s officially called “retroactive jealousy” and I’ve tried working through it but nothing has truly helped. 

I’m wondering if I struggle so much because of bpd tendencies, fear of abandonment, black and white thinking, time distortion, splitting, and I’m a jealous and possessive person anyway. But like wtf am I supposed to do?? It’s so painful to know he had a life before me — he was almost 31 when we met so he was definitely experienced — and there’s nothing I can do to change it and nothing seems to help me get over it. 

I feel like my mind is on fire im so upset. I wonder if anyone else with bpd has dealt with this type of “retroactive jealousy” and how they cope…. dbt skills, reasoning, emotional regulation, partner approaches etc. &lt;3