I have a list of things I should never do, to help my friends and myself deal with my bpd. Things like "don't ever complain that you're lonely when someone is sharing their happiness/relationship" and "don't casually joke about wanting to die." At first it started out very helpful but now, the more time goes on, the more I add to the list, and the more the list makes me feel like I'm in prison. I feel like I'm not being myself anymore. And this is weird because I know these things are things I need to change... So I guess what I'm asking is... Is it normal for progress to make you feel like you aren't yourself anymore? Is this what progress is? Why do I feel like every time I open my mouth to talk, I need to plan out how to avoid breaking my rules? Am I just that fucked up that I can't feel myself without being a bpd mess?