I (21f) been with my girlfriend for over a year and i'm starting to notice this back and forth of loving then resenting her getting increasingly more intense. Whenever she does/says something that hurts my feelings or that I find rude I bottle it up then spiral into this angry sobbing mess and I convince myself I hate her and want nothing to do with her and that she doesn't love or care about me. I'll be mad or upset for hours or the whole day until the end of the night when we're cuddling and apologizing and then a switch flips in my head and I'm completely obsessed with her again and think everything I was upset about was pointless... until randomly one day I start to think about all the things I was mad about in the past and I turn into a mess again and self harm and abuse drugs to avoid everything until the angry wave passes.

I feel like this could potentially ruin my relationship because I know she's probably frustrated with how difficult I am. No matter how many times she tries to convince me she wouldn't end up hating me over this I still feel like she'll eventually grow tired of having to deal with my mental health. I'm also newly diagnosed with bpd and ocd but have been aware of my "illness" for a long time and have been to therapy. This is my first real romantic relationship since I was 15 and I feel like my symptoms weren't as prevalent then as they are now so this whole experience of your FP being your partner is new to me and I'm so overwhelmed by my emotions all the time.