I've been struggling with depression since over half my life (late 20s) but I am in therapy and made loads of progress. I had an episode coming but I could push it away somehow as my job didnt allow it at that moment. Now I'm on holidays with my mom and a friend of hers and obviously it all came tumbling down. I tried to just sit quietly in a corner but I know it took a toll on my mom and her friend, I KNOW its bad for outside persons as well!
It just broke my heart as I've been feeling so good the last months and I felt I found a way to deal with my depression with more agency.
Now yesterday I talked with my mom and it went a little better and today I was bracing myself to come down and interact again in a more lighthearted way but before I could do anything my mom took me aside and told me to apologize to her friend as it was really bad for them. Now I know this, this is absolutely what stressed me out and in my own time I wanted to look for words to express my sadness about the situation but being told this as I was coming out my room and being told that I am using the "silent treatment" as a sort of dominance over them (which she told me already a lot of times when I was younger) just threw me back into the episode. I am so scared I am losing everything I worked for.