I’m actually so fucked. It’s been 10 months since I got out of high school and I’ve been living alone isolating. I have zero friends because of my struggle with anxiety and opening myself up (it’s been that way since age 13). I haven’t had friends in years and I’m 19, I don’t know how to make and maintain them. I don’t have caring parents. My mother was abusive to me my entire life leaving me with more mental health problems like childhood trauma and depression so I had to cut her out of my life. My father was practically never in the picture because we always had a cold relationship, there was no emotion or support involved, and he is always busy working. Both of my parents are mentally ill. My therapist stopped seeing me during the beginning of November because she can’t help me it seems. I’m expected to see a DBT therapist in March next year. 

I don’t see myself doing anything with my life. I don’t have any thoughts or a drive to go to college or university. I struggle to open up to people, even my therapist. I have BPD, schizoid traits, avoidant traits, clinical depression/dysthymia, generalized anxiety disorder and severe social isolation. I already went to the ward this month because I couldn’t take it anymore.

So basically I have no support, no social life, nothing. I don’t have the drive to get better because it’s too much effort and work for me. No one is there to support me to keep going in life so how am I expected to stay alive? At least until March of next year for when DBT starts? I’m hurting a lot right now because of the realization, and I’m expected to stay alive?!