currently 11 pm. 
been watching yt for the past 2 hours and just now the thought of going in the kitchen and stabbing myself has come to my brain. i even thought this may be worth it because I've been living in pain and darkness for past two years, never talked much,even my family, just blasting music 24/7 in my earphones and doing nothing worthy and now i think that i became truly worthless so i can just pretty much die,be it a accident or not,who cares. 
maybe i just need to talk to someone? I don't know any people with at least a little bit same problems as mine,i think that im one of these types of people who are just too different for everyone. 
it's my birthday in like 3 hours (i was born at night) so maybe i can die on my 16th year of living (more like surviving through the pain,i really try doing everything to feel happy but it just doesn't help and never did, idk what's wrong with it)