 I am 17m and I was diagnosed with BPD last year.  I met this guy in March, after my ex-boyfriend told me that he had been dating someone else during our relationship (1 month).  I very much fear being alone, so I was devastated when he confessed (and I said some nasty things that made him ignore the fact that I ever existed in his life), but other than that I didn't have much of an emotional attachment to him.  He was merely a source of affection to me as terrible as that makes me sound so I was able to get over him quickly.  About three days after the breakup, I made a new friend online who to my luck happened to live in my city, I instantly admired him in a very "I-would-totally-have-a-one-night-stand-with-you" kind of way.  He seemed intimidating yet charming.  Initially, I just thought it would be a passing crush, but he was actually very genuine and kind.  We spoke a lot, had a lot of inside jokes we created together, found out that we had a lot in common, etc.  We hung out for the first time in April, and all I could think about was how much I longed for his affection.  I think it was noticeable as he started catching on a few days after we saw each other.  We started flirting and the excitement and happiness that came over me while we did was uncontrollable.  Looking back, I got my hopes up.  I was flirting in a very "impulsive hopeless romantic" kind of way while he was flirting in a "let's test the waters and see where it goes" kind of way.  I think I crossed a few boundaries within the first week, because I got ahead of myself and told friends about him.  He never expressed that it was a crossed boundary, but now acknowledging how he flirted with me it's apparent to me that it did.  I just couldn't help it.  He made me feel so happy.  We had a fling that lasted about two months and in those two months I swear I'd never felt so happy and giddy and fulfilled.  For the first time in 11 years I didn't feel empty.  He abruptly told me that he wanted to keep things between us platonic.  It was numbing at first, but then I was broken.  I felt like my world fell apart.  I felt like the whole time I was in a dream and then I woke up and I was all alone again.  We still talk, but it's obviously not the same.  I remember seeing that he had a boyfriend about a month after he ended things with me, and I blew up at him.  I told him he never cared about me, I told him that I hated him, but then I told him that I hated him because I loved him.  Despite my episode, he still cared about my wellbeing and talked to me.  I've been in 4 relationships since he left, and I've been unable to have a connection with any of them.  I found reasons to stop talking to them as early as three weeks in.  I feel empty again and my happiness depends on how he talks to me or if he talks to me.  I've even asked everybody I started a relationship with after him if they'd call me the nicknames he used to call me.  I just needed something familiar and unique to him.  This is bad and it's unhealthy and I don't know what to do...