i'm sorry. i just have to go back... at least for a while. remove this fucking censorship from my brain. all they do is numb me and i haven't felt like myself in years. i almost miss the horrific anxiety and paranoia. at least it made feel.. something. paralyzed in my bed from fear, too scared to go get my knife and cut myself... maybe it was better like that. i plan to do this for at least a week. wish me luck maybe. i dont know what the fuck will happen to my body... i know the withdrawal will be anguish. does it matter? no.. not really..