One of the worst feelings I ever had. 

&amp;#x200B;

Sometimes I ask myself: How did I get here? Why am I here? 

What is the point in all of this? Everytime I start feeling better, there is a big damaging event that throws me back into the hole I just got out of. The hole of hoplessness. The hole where I feel that life just cannot get any better than it is. To feel that everything is lost and this is just how life is and has to be. A boring, uninteresting experience filled by negativity and bad intentions. Looking back to the past I wonder why was I even born? I wasn't even wanted, so why am I here? I didn't ask for this.

&amp;#x200B;

The anxiety. The way I am drowning in sadness and my own tears. 

I tried seeking help. The first psychologist ghosted me then said it's better for us because I became attached and the second therapist laughed at me when I expressed something that was really hurting me inside.

The only things keeping me alive are the distractions.. Video games, eating candies all day instead of food, and when I eat food, I only eat junk food. I don't have energy to go for a walk, to do stuff that I enjoyed, to even clean my own room. I haven't cleaned the dust off my bookshelf for a month.

I had people tell me 'Try being more positive', still doesn't work. I had a moment when I felt better, but my mental health is declining again, and it's worse than before.