19m I grew up in Thai before moving to us. My life there was pretty good if I had to say well at least it was like top 10% of the people there. grew up in a pretty rich environment since my family owned a pretty big business big houses and a villa out of town yk. Went to boarding (military) school since first grade. had a pretty nice life I did good at school and sports. But ever since I was in 8-9th grade I feel like I stop trying, I stop caring about everything and all I did was procrastinate everything from hw to chores to eating. Lately I haven’t been feeling it I’m always tired and I don’t eat or at least I force myself to eat 1 or half a meal a day. I drugged myself 3-4 years of my life during high school with eeed alcohol or pills (xans mostly) I’ve been sober now for a couple months. I cried myself to sleep sometime since my family would say I’m a disgrace and I feel shitty about my life and how I don’t take any responsibility about myself. Yea I have friends but i mostly would fake smile with them . I’ve been pretty tired lately wanting to sleep all day wasting my days away. I’ve been going out quiet a bit awhile ago since I had a girl she made me feel good about myself she made me feel happy made me starting to enjoy life .but now she’s depressed and I understand with the past she had she’s having one of those episode and wants to be alone so now I dont have any reasons to go out I’ve just been sleeping during my free time not having energy to do anything. I know my life isn’t that bad and there’s a bunch of people that wish they could have a life like mine  but I’ve been having these stupid thoughts for a couple years now even made plans to end it around 25 but that girl told me to wait til I’m 35-45 and it was fine but idk anymore I don’t have any reason to stay and continue this journey anymore well there’s mom I don’t want her to see her kid pass before her. It’s been fun and all and I wish I could just rest sleeping make me feel happy ig I don’t have to worry about anything or anyone just me in my own nothingness. I don’t think I’m depressed or at least I don’t tell people that I am and when people say that I am I denied it with soemthing like Asians can’t be depressed. But am I ? Am I depressed when I have nothing to be depressed about except I’m just tired and wanting to sleep a lot and not eat cuz I don’t feel good about myself? I’m just talking bullshit now sorry for wasting your time if you’re reading this thank you for listening. I hope you had a great day