Ok so I've read and read... books, websites, and post after post in these forums and I cannot get this communication thing right! Meaning Im trying to talk to him when something he does or says hurts me, or when I see an opportunity for him to learn more about what hes doing, acting like or saying is a result of the BPD and how to recognize triggers, and ways to deal with them. I'm trying to actively practice the tools I've learned as well in situations as the arise. Especially being able to walk away, and not arguing or pressing him. As well as validating. And for the most part I can tell the difference when I follow through with those things. However here is the biggest issue- communication. 

I.E. - He gets frustrated or upset with me and ask if we can talk about it and says no he doesn't want to OR he says we will talk about it later and I walk away. Later never comes. He does a little something called splicing. He will be upset/mad and then a little while later, mins or hours, or next day act as if nothing happened and is talking and making jokes like normal. Just like splicing out a whole section of a movie that you don't like and jumping to the next scene, he does this. Obviously a coping mechanism. But the problem is if I still need to talk about whatever happened and I try then he will ask why I'm dragging it out, why I can't just let stuff go. So no talking, no communication.
He has only 2 modes when he gets mad or upset... explode and rage and yell, scream, and become semi aggressive or complete silent treatment. 75% of the time it is silent treatment. 

So the issue ends up being that internalize everything. So as not to upset him or start a fight, I end up just having to deal with it, hold it in and tell myself for right now its better than the other option. But there has to be a way to communicate? To help him see that no relationship can survive without it. Some way for us to start small, or a different way to communicate with each other that he's comfortable with.

Any tips, tools, effective things that have worked for any of you? Obviously I already know this is an uphill battle, but its one I'm ready to fight right now, just need the right weapons. 

TIA