For fucks sake I  go to high-school and I get shit on. My friends beat me up , tease me and its just gone worse from there. I came home everyday and cried prayed that one day God would answer my calls but he didn't. My fucking parents beat the shit out of me even kicked me out the house for hours at one point. I got shit test results even though I know I can pass the test if I fucking try. Its my 4th year in high school its just gotten worse. Why does god punish us like this. Its never fucking fair is it. I grew a habit of masturbation because of the stress I had. Every time I got beat up I would just go and do it in the toilet. I FUCKING KNOW ITS WRONG AND IM A FUCKING STUPID WEAK BITCH. God hates me , I hate me, My parents hate me and so do my friends. If no one fucking loves me why not end it. Man I'm 15 weaker than most smaller than most and smarter than most. Yet everything seems to go wrong. I pulled a knife to my neck and threatened my parents to kill my fucking self if they were gonna hit me ( they were planning to , I ran and grabbed a kitchen knife. Happened when I was fucking 11. ) I put the knife up to my stomach and neck and they showed no signs of sympathy and actually fucking told me to do that. THE ONLY FUCKING REASON I HAVENT ENDED IT YET IS THE FACT THAT I WANT TO KILL OTHERS OR SEE SHIT GO WRONG FOR THOSE WHO WRONGED ME BUT IT NEVER HAPPENS. in elementary it was slightly better still shitty though sat by myself most of the time. I know im an attractive individual many have told me that even I can look at myself even on my worst days and see my beauty. But then I go to school and realise wit and beauty gets you no where. I cant go into detail since someone may find out this is me. I really need help. No one cares do they. My mother plays victim card whenever I bring up her flaws. My fathers a crazy overworked fuck and ends up making me cry most of the time. In fact fuck them. I hate everyone and everyone hates me. This message means nothing . I am a failure I also wish I was white maybe things would go right. I was assaulted abused and tormented by people. How and why I ask. Why me. Why me Why the fuck me God what have I ever done and guess what they don't get punished they'll probably end up in heaven whilst I in hell. YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK EVERYTHING I HATE EVERYTHING PLEASE END ME GOD I HATE EVERYTHING.