
I just want to be wanted. I want to be the first thing they think of when they wake up in the morning, and the last before they go to bed. I want to be the one they choose to spend their free time with. 

I want a lot. I know it's so selfish and unreasonable but it just hurts so much to not have. I know they already have friends to spend time with and don't need me constantly like I need them. I know deep down that they do love me but its so hard sometimes when little things they do or don't do bother me to not convince myself that they hate me and impulsively act out towards them. I know when I calm down and regret what I've done and ask for forgiveness this may be the last time they take me back, but I know that it's still very probable that I will act out again. 

It's so hard to hear them say they're busy this week and see them spend hours with other friends during their free time. It's so hard to not  convince myself they're cheating on me or lying to me when they don't respond. It's so hard to not hurt myself when they don't say they love me back. It's so hard to know whether or not what I'm feeling is valid. It's so hard to live like this.