Does anyone else want to feel like they’re being sexualized in a relationship they know would be inappropriate? Maybe because...it would give you some kind of sick validation of your worth?

So...I can’t believe I’m admitting this...but I truly need help. 

I may have crossed the line with my therapist. I’ve been seeing him for about a year and for a long time I didn’t think twice about him. But ever since my mental health started getting really bad, he’s become sort of my FP. I probably shouldn’t even have a male therapist to be honest, but female therapists make me more nervous. He started showing he really cared about me and our sessions became so genuine. I started texting him and reaching out after sessions, but cryptically so he’d have to respond in case something was wrong. I knew I was pushing the boundaries, and he’d call and help me calm down. He started distancing himself from me randomly, suggesting we not meet every week anymore and I haven’t seen him in 3 weeks. I feel bad that I might have made him uncomfortable and put him in a sensitive position. But...I still want him to want me. I don’t even feel any real attraction toward him and he’s over twice my age, but for some reason having him demonstrate that kind of interest would be orgasmic in itself. It’s really clawing it me, which might mean I have to switch therapists. But he’s also been the best therapist I’ve had. I’m also wondering if maybe I should be honest and tell him these thoughts so that he can help me.