So last year I finally got mental help and was diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, anxiety and depression. My therapist was great and really helped me realize how much I was seeing things “through colored lenses” (red meaning mad, blue meaning sad, you get the point.) as he put it. Now I’m on Lamotrigine and buspirone to stabilize my moods and decrease my anxiety. It’s great when my mood is elevated because it stays there. But now I’m in a low and it seems that now that my moods are stable they last FOREVER. I remember jumping moods constantly. My therapist even had me track it and on a normal day my mood changed 30+ times a day. I’ve been low coming on 2 weeks now. I’m not eating, showering takes everything out of me, my husbands doing all the cleaning which just makes me feel more like shit cause I feel lazy seeing him do all the work. Also, I can’t seem to hold shit back anymore. I used to have people mad at me, feel my insides cripple at the thought, but be able to look fine on the outside. Now? Oh my god I could solve the droughts with how many years fall from my face on the daily. Now all my trauma actually hurts. I hate it. I’m not going to stop my meds but sometimes I wish I could just go back to being unstable for a bit just so I can stop feeling all this pain and not suffer in my lows and maniacs so long.