once you've felt the pain, you can't un-feel it anymore. it comes back to haunt you every now and then.

some stuff you can never forget... your mentally ill mother telling you she hates you and you don't deserve the love you got.

some stuff you lose... your grandparents. the only people you've ever felt loved by. good people die painful isolated deaths.

some stuff you never had... a healthy household, healthy relationships, financial stability, emotional stability, parents that aren't only present physically in your life, a support system... what more?

who's accountable? whom do you go complain to? whom do you get angry at?

these experiences pile up. turn you into someone you never were. leave you emptier each time you cross paths.

you don't have good experiences to look back at, no good memories, how do you make new ones when you don't even know what they are?

so how does it get better? by sucking it up? keeping it all in so it shred you into pieces? do you go scream at God who seems to have turned a blind eye for the last 10 years? cry till i lose my eyesight? pop pills till i don't even feel like myself anymore?

SURPRISE...LIFE DOESN'T GET BETTER!!!!!

so please quit saying it does. it hurts