Need help understanding my emotions/behavior. Asking Reddit because my current therapy has been useless to say the least. 

Almost two years ago I found myself into the first steps of my depression. It ended up ruining every aspect of myself, so much so I eventually started developing suicidal thoughts. Had a plan to end it all and ended up in the ER then a psych ward. Had a lot of support throughout this time. 

Fast forward to now, am probably still depressed but I managed to kick the suicidal thoughts. 

My concern is that I’ve found myself feeling animosity towards everyone, damming them and the kindness they displayed,even those who were there for me at my lowest point. Friends and family alike. I’ve cut myself off from everyone except for my mother and brother. I don’t want anything to do with these people anymore, but at the same time I crave their company. I want to say that I hate them but I don’t know why. Some nights I can’t sleep at the thought of these awful feelings and thoughts I have about this. 


Can anyone relate or give insight? How fucked in the head am I?