I'm 16f. A few months ago (like february I guess) I stole my mother's prozac. She went to theraphy for a very short time and stopped taking her meds while she had 2 more unopened box of prozac. And I knew I can't stay any longer here if I didn't take antidepressants, I already committed suicide twice before (I tried 2 more times later, I guess I suck at kms). I know I shouldn't use and could have bad side effects but I tracked my mood carefully and even thought it didn't work, so tried to stop but that was when I realized prozac took the most of the weight from my shoulder so I immediatly got back to taking them. I already told my psychologist about this and she didn't make it a problem. But the problem is: I have no pills left. Me and my parents (who don't know I were taking meds and keep saying me "Do you really need it?") tried making an appointment from a  psychiatrist to precribe me meds but we can't. The earliest appointment is for months later and I know I can't survive that long. It just have been 5 days since I got the last pill but I already feel like a dead body, relapsing to my ed and sh habits. I were finally starting to think "Hey, maybe I'll live till 18!" but now suicidal thoughts are coming back, all the work I put trough a year is going to trash. I never felt this bad and tired. I constantly sleep or cry. I don't feel the trust to talk with my family about this, my trust shattered many times before when I tried to be honest. They just want their happy, successful, confident, smart daughter back. But when I show them I'm not that person now, I screwed up, I'm broken and it's only my fault ; they deny it. For summer we'll go to a very small city and there's not a good mental health provider. I may not come back to this city for summer to get mental help, and at that situation I'll never make it till the end of summer. And the university exam is the most important thing at my country to find a job and I have just 2 years left to get my shit together, study for 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th grades lessons (and I need to be perfect at them since everyone expect the best from me and if I can't go to a good uni I'll probably end up unemployed.).  I'm so f\*cking tired of myself and how I still don't do ANYTHING to make things better. I just stand still while my life collapses and expect it to get better itself. I have one person I may call friend but when you share your weight, you may get lighter but that's only because you passed you shit to smb else if you ask me. She doesn't need such a unneccessary weight , she's getting ready for uni exam too. I have noone to talk, that's why I'm here.

Note: sorry for grammer mistakes