When I get extremely stressed and extremely paranoid I’ll start putting people in groups of good and bad and once they do something that would make me consider them bad (could be the dumbest thing but it seems very reasonable in the moment) I will see no good in them and I’ll destroy my friend ship with them and block them. Or if they are something that would make me consider them to be good (could be something like just being available to talk to) I’ll become extremely attacked to them and get very upset when I’m not spending time with them.

A example of something I do because of this is when I run out of good people to talk to I’ll delete all my social media accounts, emails, photos or screenshots of stuff. I join new communities and new friend groups. I’ll also go by a new name online because I don’t want any relation with my old self. I kinda like try to get a fresh start by doing this too. 

I’ve done this  A LOT of times in the past 3 years. I almost always go back to the old accounts and friend groups. 
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My emotions are too extreme

Every time I get upset, annoyed, sad I like get kinda delusional and want to kill myself and will maybe even make a plan and try. 
When I get mad at someone or something I’ll maybe yell or break stuff. 

Normally I have to hurt myself to calm down so it doesn’t get worse. Stuff like breathing excerzise don’t help. 

Overall my emotions are very extream and will change so much over the dumbest stuff. 
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It’s like impossible for me to convey and share how I feel. My mom keeps asking me to explain how I feel like I’m supposed to be able to do that but explaining all my emotions is almost impossible and conveying them is even more hard. (Unless I can write it down and talk to one of my friends online abt it then it’s a little easier)

Like this took a week of thinking abt and I spent like 10 hrs writing this. 
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I spend like Half the day in like episodes of feeling dissociated. I space out, feel like I’m watching my life threw a movie, rly unaware, don’t have a sence of time during this and I don’t rly remember stuff. Could be when I wake up, take a shower, go to play a game 
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Hearing and seeing stuff.

1:) When I get super stressed I see shadowy figures off in the corner of my vision. 

2:) rarely I will see things in video games, in my room, rly anywhere they are not shodowy like the other times. 

3:) sometimes hear stuff it could be noises like scratching or ringing. or me hearing people talking in a call that I’m in when they aren’t. Or something like my phone playing music even after I shut off the phone.