I've been doing fine for weeks, but today I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I had a dream last night that triggered some sad memories about times I've been wronged and manipulated. I woke up feeling miserable, paranoid, but more than anything just depressed. It only escalated throughout the day; I ended up leaving work early. 

I've been experiencing terrible rage and loathing. I feel like I have unfinished business with a bunch of people who are no longer in my life. I have a tendency to cut people off so fast that no fight ever goes down. It's because I'm terrified of conflict, it always makes me cry, but it has led to me carrying a lot of baggage. The worst part is that I put this on myself, but here I am resenting the people around me for  being happy and normal. 

The way I feel is so complicated that I haven't even finished figuring out what's even going on. I guess I'm just hoping someone else understands this type of gutting sensory overload, or knows like, what the deal with this is. I want to let go of all this anger and pettiness that is holding me back but I have no idea how to even start. 

\[background: I'm bipolar type 1, taking lamictal and vraylar, I go to therapy every two weeks but my next appointment is ten days from now\]