I had been for 3 years. Never put a blade near my skin. I cracked twice in one week

I moved in with my bf a month ago and things are not how they used to be

I'm cooking and cleaning daily and been off work since April due to anxiety. I'm going back to school this fall trying to get myself a career.

He said hes been proud of me. But dosnt show it.

He says hes teasing, but it's not.
"Ur friend got a big forehead"
"I dont think ur mom was meant to be a parent"
"U need more friends"
"Maybe u should go out more"

I already talked to him about this and he said he would stop. Now it's about me.

Whenever he wants to tease about my anxiety and staying home he says the same thing
"I could say something but I won't "

Everytime I hear this, I hear him mocking my leave and illness.

Hes been playing world of warcraft for 12 hrs. He slept for 6 hrs, now hes bback at it, all day.

I'm an affectionate person and all I ask for is hugs n kisses. I asked for flowers twice in the 1.5 years we hv been together. I dont want anything from him now.

I love him, I really do. He makes me feel like I'm 15 again. He makes me laugh, he does give me affection when he feels like it. And when I need something and he isnt busy, he will get it for me.

It may be tmi too, but we usually are sexually active 1-2 times a week. I hvnt gotten anything in a week. Doing it myself gets my physical needs met. But I need the emotional connection. 

Now here I am, with 11 cuts on my leg. I had 8 yesterday. I cant stop thinking about the relief I get from physical pain instead of emotional. Its easier to deal with. But the emotional pain comes back just seconds after. 

I'm lonely, scared and just want someone to love me.

*its also the anniversary of my rape. And I really need him. I need someone to hold me, let me cry in their chest and tell me its gonna be ok

Sorry for triggers and rant, but I need help