I just broke up with my partner cause of my fucking unstable self. I was getting suicidal, violent and had urges. I do have a history of being suicidal but I was saved by my partner. I was okay for a long time or atleast tried to live on ,he helped me so much with my issues and I kept pushing him away each time he tried to help.  I hate myself more than anything in this world and I hope i die. I broke up with him, the guy whom i love so much, but i have to give up cause of my unstable ass sensitive head. He's probably so heartbroken and devastated and I have no guts to go back to him and tell him how much he means to me and how much it hurts to not have him with me right now. But i know that it's for the best that we are apart now. He doesn't need to be worried constantly for me , he doesn't need to feel helpless and he doesn't need to be there for me every time. He has a life and i hope he finds more to it and actually live. I wish he gets to meet someone else more deserving and stable and live with no regrets and worries. I just want him to be happy even if the decision breaks me apart. I am gonna die anyways soon so I don't give a shit about me. 

Sorry for ranting. I just don't feel good today. It will be okay someday i guess.