
33F and I lost my family when I came out as trans - and a few months after depression from it, my partner of 7 years leaves me, too. She’s bi, so my transition wasn’t a factor and before I came out she was my biggest supporter. Literally 2 minutes later after she texted me “divorce” my one brother who stayed by me told me she updated her Facebook to a new relationship ship… We had a child who was 3, almost 4 at the time (turning 7 soon) and it feels like I’m always doing things to recreate years where I was happier. 

I have dates for various random things down in my mind and I’ll try to recreate the days down to the wire. I hoard data of old YouTube videos my kid used to like watching and store it on a thumb drive. I don’t hoard physical objects - and my apartment is rather empty, but every time I buy something for me to replace the old object - I have a meltdown shortly after and cry for getting rid of it. To the point I cut myself or hit myself to take my mind off my episodes - and debate finding a new “old” of said object and buy it (I never do).

I haven’t coped with this divorce or sudden loss of everyone in my life healthily at all - and I know that, but I can’t afford therapy or psychologist or meds as I lose a significant amount of money to child support and can’t afford insurance. I want to wake up and see my spouse again.

Today I had 3 bad crying sessions that felt like it physically hurt me over the course of 4 hours. I don’t know what to do.