The last year has been a haze. Ive been employed but I honestly cant tell the details of my employment past the last few days. I feel like my brain is just off and I’ve been on autopilot. My body feels worn out and tired everyday. All of my senses are dulled. 

I feel like any compliment or positive interaction i have is fake or false. I feel more lost than I ever have before. The last week has been especially difficult for me and I had a panic attack today for the first time in awhile. I feel completely unlikeable. Im fat, lazy, i dont shave or brush my hair, im balding, im barely able to hold a conversation let alone form a relationship. Im the worst version of myself and I don’t know if i can improve. 

I dont see a future anymore. I dont have aspirations or dreams. As sad as it is I dont enjoy doing anything anymore. I dont like games, or reading, writing, hosting dnd, talking to my friends. Im stuck and ive been stuck for a year. Im a drain on my parents, im the embarrassment of the family. The cousin who cant get his life together. I hate myself truly I do. I hate who I am. i hate how ive let myself get to this point. Im just tired of it all.