It's so fucked when everything just goes well for a few days and you start to think "was i just making all this up?" and seriously start to question yourself and you get so happy that you don't have to be a shitty person anymore even though you have this voice in the back in your head telling you "its just gonna last a few days then its gonna be hell again" and then you just spiral hardcore in a few days and its just worse than ever before i hate this disorder so much it's a living nightmare constantly being a nobody with nothing but fake ideas of who you might be stolen from random person I used to idolise this person and felt kinda safe at least knowing i was pretty much just copying her and ever since she died i just cant fucking cope im a nothing legit just a husk of a person i dont understand how anyone can cope with this constantly i just cant ive ruined everything in my life because of my own actions because of this shit and i just wanna give up