Hi, everyone. It’s my first time posting on Reddit, so apologies if I’m a bit disorganized.

For context, junior year of high school was probably the best year (mentally) I’ve every had. My class was small, so we were really close, and I had the time of my life with my best friends everyday. Then the pandemic happened. I took all of senior year virtually, and that’s when I started experiencing mild anxiety, but it was usually centered around an event (a presentation, a big test, etc.). I powered through it even though it got very intense at times, and even graduated top of my class. Summer after senior year was when things started getting worse. I had to make a big decision (staying in my home country or leaving for college in the States), and due to my anxiety I decided to stay to be closer to my family. That gave me a lot of peace for a while, but now I find myself constantly obsessing over the future. Everyone always told me I was too good to stay, and I guess over time I internalized that. Staying here feels like I’ve failed. And though I rationally know this isn’t true, my mind is constantly telling me otherwise. I obsess over homework because doing anything less than perfect convinces me I won’t be able to transfer colleges. I calculate my GPA almost daily. Many days out of the week I can’t eat, I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest, and I tremble like crazy.

I used to be so excited to grow up and be on my own. Now, I just want to be a kid again. Does anyone else feel this way?