Im a 24 year old guy. I recently (last year) discovered what Iv been suffering with most of my life in my teenage years, and up is bipolar disorder. I feel like an absolute loser. I have near 0 will to live. And the intrusive thoughts are winning recently. 
Im terrible with people, I screw up every relationship personally because of my mood swings. I can't stand medicine because of how it makes me feel with side effects (but im trying. Im on medication number 3 this year). Iv had 25 jobs, and I can't stay longer than 3-4 months before I screw up. I can't save any money because I get manic and blow it all. I have 100$ to my entire name. Im ending a relationship with a bestfriend/gf of the last two years because I cant understand my emotions and she deserves better and I dont love her like I use to. Im doing awful in my classes in college senior year. The only hope I have are two internships, Im a (computer science major) Im getting shat on in my air force career because Im getting discharged with bipolar disorder...

I struggle constantly with un alive thoughts, but I dont want to because of my 4 year old daughter. And I wanna be around for her to grow up. I can never make the right choices and im constantly screwing up and getting destroyed for it. Even my family is saying I treated my ex like and I quote: "Does she not want to be liked? Does she want to be in a relationship where her partner does not have basic respect for her?" Even tho Iv done nothing but try so hard to be someone people can rely on. What can you even do feeling like this.. Im too paranoid to call the hotline. Or to really tell my therapist how I feel. Iv had nothing but bad experiences telling people how I really feel instead of what they wanna here that your fine.

Fellow Bipolar individuals, what do you guys do when your feeling so so low. What really helps you turn it around as your aha moment. The one that brings you back into your life with confidence. One that you know at least you tried. I am currently crying downstairs while my daughter is asleep because I feel like such a failure.