I can’t sleep and I’m up thinking about what if my bf cheats on me in the future or what if he is talking to one of his ex’s on Instagram right now and I don’t even know... it makes me want to break into his Instagram and see but I know he’ll get an email of someone logging into his Instagram. Ugh. I’m just playing out scenarios in my head of my logging in and finding something and then me saying fuck you and blocking him on everything. Why am I like this. Why is this what I’m thinking about? Right after he sent be the longest sweetest text about how much he loves me and trusts me, etc. I’m insane and I want to just be crazy right now even though that’s not the answer?! I’m fucking mad for no reason like WHY. I literally want to punch a fucking wall because I feel like what if something is going on behind my back... idk it’s so hard being like this. I even deleted my Instagram weeks ago because I don’t want the temptation or stalking him so much I get mad. He’s deployed right now too and I’m having these terrible mean thoughts like I’m such a horrible fucking person dude. We are such a good couple too like amazing and so sweet, seriously what a lot of people dream of having but of course my brain wants to ruin everything!! I’m always like what if it’s fake and he’s just putting on a show to fuck with my mind. When he would never do that. Ugh. My thoughts are SO bad right now.