I had weird dreams about previous relationships last night that won’t leave my mind. I dislike thinking about these people because I get obsessed and stalk their social media and feel insecure about myself and where I am in life. It feels useless to try and be motivated about moving forward. 

An hour later at the beach I’m in love with myself and my skin and take fun pictures with my siblings. It’s hot and the coffee is lovely and I’m mindful of the moment and peacefulness in the air. 

In the afternoon I find my zucchini plants I’ve grown from seed are sick and dying from an infestation. I’m abroad visiting family and I’m unable to help them. They got infested because my friend argued with me over their care instead of listening. It feels like I shouldn’t have ever left. It’s hard to feel content with this person over this. I dislike investigating friendships over small things like a sick plant when she’s cared for my physical and mental health with patience and respect. 

The empty ache in my chest simultaneous with my love and hope can be overwhelming. There’s a lifetime to sit with it.