So, my former slightly toxic FP, who I still adore for some stupid reason I can't understand, told one my best friends who contacted him to try to help me, that the best everyone could do was to abandon me and that really fucked me up mentally and caused me a mini breakdown.

This led me to try and talk to all my trustworthy contacts, to see if anyone could send him a text defending me and explaining that my behavior to try and fix our relashionship - texting everywhere begging for a last chance, because I tought he had lied about it - was in part because of my bdp, which I know is no excuse for my shitty behaviour, but it is my only justification.

I know he doesn't care, and couldn't give a shit if I died, but I need to get this wieght of my chest in order to feel better, explain myself so I can move on. And tbh it would feel very good to have someone defend me and tell him that I'm sick and he hurt me. I have asked all my contacts, and tomorrow I'll speak with a cousin who met him and ask him to do that.

I'm aware it's wrong, but he hurt me so much, and then just says that the best everyone should is leave me alone, which I feel is totally right, I just want someone to text him and just come in my defense and tell him I have bpd, it won't do anything, nor fix our relashionship, but it will take a huge weight of my chest, I nearly threw up twice yesterday thinking about this. If my cousin refuses to help I'll give up and move, but I just need to try this because I'll feel better.