I don't even know where to begin this but I NEED somewhere to rant. I am only 19 and have already developed several issues (developed chronic pain at 17, chronic UTIs/yeast infections/hemorrhoids), not to mention the mental issues and the colds I have been getting and tooth issues. I hate my life every single day my mother is in a dead marriage where she's stuck and I try to help but it is never going to get better, she is literally sleeping in the same room as me right now in the same bed because we are poor and my dad is creepy towards her. I don't even have a fucking door or any privacy the only plus is the fact that we aren't homeless and we don't have to pay rent. To most people that would be a dream, but it's kind of exhausting being in pain all the time and my mom &amp; I only being sober while my dad, brother, and even my best friend are all drug addicts. They smoke weed literally 24/7 and it's exhausting to deal with, I don't live with my best friend but STILL it makes me feel hopeless. I am slowly distancing from my best friend, we will always have a connection but she's just a different person now. My brother is a different person now he just gets into trouble all the time and obsesses over drinking, drugs, and bullshit. My best friend just talks about getting high now.. To top it all off I am still a virgin and haven't really seriously dated anybody hell..I haven't even gotten a job out of the house because I'm too scared. I tried studying technology but it just ended up boring me out of my mind and I'm back to square one. I am getting my GED and plan on going to school for cosmetology but if that doesn't work out I don't know, I wanna make a difference with what I do but it's kind of hard when it pays shit or you need a degree. It's also hard too when I have any stress my bladder reacts and it's almost impossible to avoid stress with a job.. Disability is a joke, it is still money but where I live it wouldn't even be half of rent somewhere. I am trying to talk to a therapist/psychiatrist but it ain't easy especially when your house is small as hell and people are eavesdropping. I feel suicidal most of the time and have cut myself before.. I feel disgusted with myself and my life every single day and I don't have any hope for the future. All I want is to be safe, happy, and loved but it will never happen.