I have to break the news of not being successful again. I know i will lie about the extent of it. I have to other choice cause it's so bad already... and failure is failure . I know what's coming up and yet when it hits, it hits like a building falling on you. The anticipation of humiliation.  It makes  one part of me want to crawl and die and the other is so numb like a blank beep of the ventilator. 
I know i couldn't make my parents proud. As i was scared all my life I am indeed a specimen of faliure. I'm sorry.