I'm 32 years old and and after finally finding an amazing psychotherapist that I've been working with the last 6 months, I asked what my diagnosis was and through a process of elimination, she confirmed I had BPD. I wasn't very familiar with BPD at the time (I often confused it with with Bipolar disorder like most people do and assumed it was something you were born with) and after some research, I've been trying to find coping skills for moments of extreme frustration or times when life throws a wrench into things. The other day I was working on building an indoor grow box for some plants of mine and while I was finishing up the project my kitty came by and chewed the barely sprouted seedling plant. I had a moment of rage and frustration where I screamed my cats name out loud and shook my fists at the air and yelled at my ceiling. I kept going back in forth between moments of anger and frustration to calming myself down. My roommate was there and saw my freak out and tried to tell me to calm down but that seemed to make it worse. I had to go into the laundry room and basically vent out of frustration by cursing the air again until I was able to calm down. 

I hate these little freak out moments I have, they are very few and far in between, but when they come I feel so awful and horrible afterwards and lately, ever since I have been digging deeper into my emotions, it seems they are becoming more frequent. I am not a violent person by nature and even in these moments of extreme anger or frustration, I NEVER become violent or throw things or hurt someone. I just end up pacing back and forth and muttering and cursing under my breath, but I try to do it somewhere private where no one can see me. Whenever someone does see these "freak out" moments of mine they become frightened of me and think I am going to become violent even though I have never lashed out at someone in anger (I have always thought it was better to hurt myself than to hurt someone else especially when angry.) but I feel so embarrassed after they see me like that and it of course drives everyone I care about away from me. I need help, I don't want to have these "freak out" moments anymore, when life throws something unexpected at me, I want to be able to take it with grace and dignity and not lose myself. Please help me..