Today my dad came over (socially distanced); we were talking, and he mentioned my cousin's exam grades. She did perfectly.

I failed a year of sixth form (final two years of high school for anyone outside of the UK) and had to resit (this was around a decade ago) and got average grades in GCSEs, A-Levels and a 2:1 at uni - I was suffering from serious depression (undiagnosed) at the time (well, still am) and I just... I don't know if it's fear of being compared to others and being found wanting, or simply it feeling as if he's rubbing it in. 

He started talking about how 'driven' she is - I don't work at the moment, although I am returning to university for a Masters in October, and he has actively voiced the opinion that people should be working all the time, even preferring that I work to studying or seeking mental health help. My partner and I are surviving (and she is happy to support me), my housemate is supportive and caring, and I do not borrow money from him. I also left my previous job due to physical and mental health issues I was leaving untreated because of this attitude, and PTSD from working there. He seemed to almost be pushing the fact that I am not 'driven'.

I feel so pathetic. I feel worthless and as if I should just quit everything I dream of - or not even dream of. I should quit ever expecting to be happy and simply work myself into the grave early, by my own hand or something else. BPD feels as if it has eaten my life, alongside everything else, and I feel as if nobody outside my front door supports me.

(NOTE: I do not blame my cousin, and am very proud of her for her grades; she deserves them.)