Good day my reddit family. This is the first time I am writing anything on reddit. I've been stuck in a dredful place in life. I feel like everything is falling apart. I keep thinking of the mistakes I made in the past and how that's effecting my mental health which is preventing me from having a normal day, everyday.

I got married last year and so far it has been pretty good for both of us . i moved to Toronto to study and she joined me this year, I  then proceeded to get my post graduation which ended and after getting some necessary experience I applied for my permanent residency. The thing is my work permit ended and I had to leave that job, we thought of going back home but we couldn't due to covid , I spent every last dime with no money and no permit to work we are just stuck in this hell of not knowing what would happen .we don't know if we will receive our PR, we don't know if we can start a life after one year of marriage .I try to write but I tremble everytime I confront my own feelings .

My best friend flew back two days back for good and I don't know if I will ever see him again, we have no friends and it's really hard for us to get out and meet people. 

I know it's just a whole lot of self pity and it will probably disgust you as it disgusts me, but I don't know who to turn to, I don't know if I know anyone enough to talk to them about how emotionally destroyed I am .

I am not looking for anything , just a little acknowledgement of my existence,I don't know if it's too much to ask .

I worked in logistics/operations for minimum wage like every good third world immigrant , I hate warehouses. I disliked it so much that I felt it was feeding my demons ,I left it .

I am a graduate in communications and journalism and I feel I suck too much to write anything for a living, I want to be able to earn money through the might of my pen, I want to write for a living ,I don't know where to start ,I don't know how to pay rent or buy groceries,I don't know if I will ever be truly happy.

Thank you for reading, I love you with all my heart, I wish you the best in life and I truly wish you achieve what you want to achieve 

Z.