We've had a long break. We both felt it was needed and things just felt alot better after. Communication was alot better, we seemed happier, just as we once were. We were in LDR at the moment, I was planning on closing it (again), we planned amazing holidays during halloween and xmass. It was the only thing I was looking forward to and I was so excited. And so was she. And then there was splitting. Then there was jealousy born out of that again. And things were said, words that hurt and things that I can not take back. Again. It happened so many fucking times before and IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. I LOVE HER SO MUCH, YET I ALLWAYS DID THINGS WRONG. I ALLWAYS FUCK THINGS UP. All I want and ever wanted is for her to feel better, to be happy, to male her happy. And while I was able to do that, the negativity that I brought in her life is just... insane. How can I love somebody so much, yet things allways go south. And now it's all gone. All the plans we had. Your touch , the one I crawe so much, gone. I want to hug you and tell you how much I love you. How sorry I am. All gone. I want to turn back clocks, but I cant. Just sitting on work, selfharming again, because I can not stand emotional pain no more. I fucking hate this. I hate being horrible person that I am. And she is the sweetest thing. No wonder...
I love you and I always will. Nobody can ever replace you.