I'm a student and just needed to rant, since once again I'm heavily under pressure. The problem is, that since about a year or two....whenever I'm under pressure for an extended period of time, my brain triggers the weirdest and most aggressive ticks. Intrusive thoughts usually being the worst of them, yet in extreme cases, I can literally hurt myself or destroy stuff. In a lack of a better term, I call it "tourette-ticks" -  even though I usually do not  say anything specifically rude, my actions and thoughts are designed to be offensive, disgusting, shocking and I cannot stop them. It's like shivering from the cold - you can't hinder your body from doing it, you can just clench onto yourself and hope it stops. It's exhausting and feels like I just ran around the block 3 times like a headless chicken. What really bothers me, is that my brain picks specifically things I value and tries to undermine and disrespect them, as if to torture me. I do not even want to share any of these thoughts because they're deeply embarassing to me. 

I tried several times to get psychological help over my university, since they got a consultation office for these matters - but they do not take anything I say serious, because I still "appear fine and got ok enough grades". Like wow - yeah. That totally defines someones mental health!!! Experts at work here!!

Getting a therapist in my country in general is quite an (expensive) ordeal, so it might take a while until I can finally work on it. But what really gets my blood boiling is that my university will not accept any attestation from doctors who DID believe me and tried to be vague in their description of my problem. If I need more time to meet my deadlines due to my mental health problems, I have to spread it out in all the juicy details. Several people will take a look at it and decide, if my problem is bad enough in THEIR eyes to give me a couple of weeks to finish my projects. Given my specific problem, this will literally embarass me to death and I'm not even sure if this is even worth it.

I'm so so angry about a university that probably caused and definitely triggered this BS I have to deal with and then refuses to give me two weeks to finish a stupid project, unless I embarass myself by showing them what I got to deal with!