So I was in foster care throughout my childhood. Mum died of cancer when I was young and never met my dad as he was a drug addict. 

Went to live with my grandma who was emotionally abusive when I was younger but as I’ve got older and I’m not at home that much anymore due to work, uni or seeing my partner it’s not as bad anymore. 

Anyways, recently things have been getting uncomfortable at home. My granddad lives a few hours away but comes to visit us sometimes. (Him and my grandma are not together but they have 2 children together… well 3 including my mum who died) 

It’s clear that my grandparents do not get on at ALL and it makes everyone else feel really uncomfortable. I’ve noticed my grandma is much more irritable and rude towards everyone when my granddad is here and once he’s left she calms down again ??

Whenever I go downstairs it’s always very uncomfortable as they both just sit in silence and look unhappy. My aunt has questioned my grandma so many times as to why does he bother to stay with us as it’s just awkward and uncomfortable. 

My grandma insists that she “does it for us” even though we have all clearly expressed that we don’t care if he comes down or not - we can go visit him where he stays rather than him coming down and it being awkward, tense and uncomfortable. 

It’s bad to the point where I won’t even go downstairs when they’re both downstairs. Just now my grandma was walking downstairs and she started shouting and cussing because the gate was closed (we have a baby gate for my baby cousin) and it was closed. She kept cussing and shouting. I was getting ready for work but went down to open the gate and she was clearly pissed off she said “it’s not you can no one downstairs hear me”. 

It’s clear they do not get on AT ALL. My grandma lied to me since my childhood that they were married but my aunt confirmed that it’s not true. My grandma wears this gold ring with “love” written on it. Since I’ve lived with her (about 11 years) she has always worn it. My aunt told me the weird truth that she was gifted that ring from her uncle but my grandma stole the ring to make it look like it was a wedding ring - my granddad doesn’t wear one so that already poked holes in the story. 

I want my grandma to be happy and my granddad but it’s best to keep them apart. However, they’re both incredibly stubborn and having tried to talk to them about it already has not worked. 

I’m nearly 22 I’m trying my best to get out of there but I’m studying at uni and working part time. I potentially could go into shared housing but I’ve had bad experiences before with people who are very dirty and messy and who would interrogate me about my actions which resulted from my anxiety (such as not going into the kitchen when other people are in there, questioning why I’m not eating) need to be living in a clean environment with people who respect my privacy.