I am with my husband for 13 years and married for 5. I have BPD and I have been ruining our life. I am so sick of this!

I have been really working on it. For the last 2 months, he has been helping me to recover, I have been doing DBT worksheets, reading about it, trying to control my emotions, trying to sign up for online therapy, but everything piles up on me.

I have a condition that makes it hard for me to get pregnant. We weren't trying for it, but I learned I got pregnant a week before my birthday. He said he didn't want to keep it and got so upset. He said it was ultimately my decision, but he wouldn't promise to be there for me. I really wanted to have this baby, because it could have been my only chance. Nevertheless, I had to have a medical abortion. 

My heart was into pieces. I relapsed. He said he was done with me, he wouldn't give me another chance, I was ruining his life and I meant nothing for him. 

I learned that abortion was not fully complete. Despite the baby was dead, my body wouldn't let it go and keep growing it. Even my uterus has BPD... The doctor said that I needed to have a surgical abortion. I am waiting for the operation now.

I am in this tremendous pain. I lost my husband, I lost the baby, not sure if I would be able to get pregnant again and I feel I betrayed my body. 

I besides BPD, I am dealing with these hormones and guilt. I am trying meditation, yoga, going for walks, cardio, cooking, working, writing, filling up DBT forms... Nothing is fucking working! I have this sharp, nauseating pain on my chest, as someone slices my heart so slowly. I don't know what to do, I have no one else to talk to, I have nowhere to go. I am trapped in the apartment with him. Whenever I hear his footsteps, I get triggered. He locked himself in the room, only leaves to grab food. He doesn't talk to me. He said the surgery was not his problem and he wouldn't be there to support me. He says he doesn't believe me, I am lying about my pain and I am only trying to manipulate him. 

The pain is driving me crazy. Please help me, please give me an idea. Please help this pain stop.