i'm not sure if this is okay to post here, but i find posting in the significant other subreddit is less helpful and i tend to just get a lot of "they're evil" comments. i don't want that because it's clear to anyone with a brain that people who deal with bipolar disorder are not evil. i really just need advice. i would also like to say, i know not all behaviors are caused by bipolar disorder and it would be unfair to say so. also, using gender neutral pronouns just for a lil anonymity? i know they lurk here, which is fine!

anyway, my ex and i dated for a year and a half and it was a huge cycle of ups and downs. they hadn't been diagnosed yet and wouldn't get a diagnosis until after we broke up the first time. during our relationship, they hit me, cheated on me, would go through my phone, and usually wouldn't leave my side out of suspicion that i was cheating on them. we broke up eventually because they had a huge depressive episode and decided they needed to be alone.

we got back together a month or so later. from here we decided that now that they had their diagnosis, we could date again and be more cautious about their moods, etc.. from here we planned to move in together and they swore that it'd be different because they were medicated and they felt like they had a "handle" on their mental illness. at the time, i didn't know much about bipolar disorder so i trusted them. we broke up a few months later. they asked for no contact for a while, but then reached out to me about 2ish months later because they decided they were ready to potentially be friends again.

we started texting daily, then we started hanging out pretty regularly (once a weekish) but they were very clear they didn't want to get back together with me or have a sexual relationship. this is something i respect especially because i don't have romantic feelings for them any more.

recently, we had an in depth conversation about our relationship. they told me that both times we started dating, they were manic and once they started to come down, they didn't understand why they no longer felt as intensely for me as they did before. they told me that they for sure loved me, but being manic made things so intense that when they became baseline or depressed, it felt like their feelings dissipated. we talked a lot more and we cried and i felt like we had made some headway with healing. we've had many talks like this but this time was different i felt.

the next day, i realized i might have left my wallet at their place. i asked if i could come look for it and they said yes. before i went over, something pretty shitty happened that didn't involve them and i had a bit of a melt down. i was crying when i got to their apartment and looked like a mess. i didn't say anything and eventually they said i "looked upset" and i said i was. they didn't ask why and kinda rushed me out after i didn't find my wallet. as i was leaving i said "thanks for asking" and they kinda just looked annoyed and said "uh okay what's wrong" so i told them. it wasn't anything major, nothing they had to really think about. it really only required a hug and maybe saying "it'll be okay, i'm here for you" but instead, they just looked at me and said "this is awkward" and i got upset because ??? what? and that's when they explained that they weren't ready to be an "emotional sponge" for me and that they didn't know how to comfort me as a friend and not their girlfriend. they ended up getting angry and told me to leave, so i left.

just like the majority of our relationship, i felt like i was in the wrong, so i apologized. that was basically that. they accepted my apology and told me if i needed to talk i needed to ask first which to me is super shitty considering we're supposed to be friends. sometimes i can't tell what's because they have bipolar disorder or what's because they're just.... mean? i often feel like they just have me around as a convenience because they're lonely? if anyone would like to add their two cents and maybe help me figure this one out, it'd be majorly appreciated. again, i hope i didn't say anything disrespectful, i lurk through this community a lot and i find a lot of helpful posts. thank you in advance!