So, I'm feeling very paranoid about my husband (who said he wanted a divorce 2 months ago) and a 'party' he said his family has planned for his nephew's birthday. We've never celebrated this nephew's birthday before which is what he says is the reasoning behind his mom wanting to get together on Sunday. It's either going to be at his mom or sister's house but the final plans haven't been decided. (His sister isn't very reliable so it could change at the last minute to his mom's) 

So, where this paranoia comes from is that I saw a text from his brother that just said "Ok" and nothing else. The only reason I saw this was because I had sent him a text earlier in the day that he hadn't checked yet when I came home from work for lunch. He was asleep so I went to clear the message for him because his phone incessantly beeps until you check the message and it was very annoying. That's when I saw the OK text from his brother. It was sent to him on Sunday during a time he knew I'd be away from the house (took my child to a bday party). He says he accidentally responded to his brother instead of me and that was what his bro said back. What makes me suspicious is that there is no record of this "accidental text" to his brother. Why would he just delete that message? It makes me think there was a series of texts while I was gone and he forgot to delete that last one. 

My fear is that this 'party' is just to get me out of the house and that while we're gone one of his brothers or his sister will be at our house moving his stuff out. And that we'll be the only ones at his mom's house and they'll try to get me to talk to our child about the horrible decision he's making to break up our family. 

I know I'm supposed to look for actual facts so here they are: His family does get together for almost everyone's birthday except for the 2 kids of the one brother that he has that is divorced and (recently) remarried which one of his kids is the nephew who the party is supposed to be for. He talked to his mom on the phone a couple of days ago while I was at work and he said she asked about us and he told her we were doing better. I asked him about that this morning and he said, 'you're doing better. yeah, we're doing better, we're not fighting or arguing as much'. I said OK, and left it at that because I needed to leave for work soon and didn't want to get in a long discussion about what that means for our future.

I guess my biggest fear here is that he's lying/hiding things from me even though he said he wasn't going to do that anymore.

Question: Is there a way you can tell the difference between your "gut feeling/instinct" and the paranoia that comes with having BPD? 