I believe that I'm worthless because I work for nothing, it just comes to me. I just say yes, and do the work. But it's never something I go out the way to do.
Yesterday I wanted to kill myself, but couldn't find a knife. I said "Tommorow I'll do it, I'll finde a knife." But tommorow never came. I feel useless, like a 30 year old incel. There is no determination, no Motivation. I just follow Orders, never my own.