I'm literally just getting washed around in the sea of life I have no control nor the desire to have any. Don't get me wrong I have dreams and goals just no means to pursue any of them.
I'm not going to unalive myself (would've done 10+ years ago if I was ever going to) but I've come to realise I'm only "living" to save others from the pain and struggles that my self guided slink off this mortal coil would inevitably cause my loved ones.
If I could just close my eyes and the entirety of existence had never contained me (can't miss what you never had) that'd be great.

I started this like there was more, idk anyone else been this way?