Sorry if what I'm saying doesn't make sense. A lot of my depressed thoughts are hard to explain.

What kind of sick person have I become... A thought crossed my head about suicide, which isn't uncommon for me to think nowadays. However, I also thought about the desire to suicide in order to see what reactions would transpire from my peers, family, and friends. 

Do I even care about how my actions can impact others? Do I even realize how selfish suicide is? I'm just sick, plain and simple.