As i write this, it’s nearly 5 am and I just finished my final major project.

I hate it.

I hate everything that has come from my time at university. Its all a massive reminder of how awful I’ve felt while completing it and all the shit I’ve been forced to some to terms with over the last 3 years. It’s got to the point I could barely leave the house during this final semester.

All i have to do is press the submit button and I can breath for a few days. But I can’t press it. 

I have time to catch a few hours sleep and look at it with a clearer head before deadline but I can’t stop thinking, fretting, spiralling over this stupid fucking film.

I just want to submit it and let go but it feels like there’s something clawing at my throat and the closer I get to that submit button the more it digs in. I couldn’t bring myself to go to class, what if that affects my grade?

If I submit and fail i’m fucked. If I pass it will never be good enough.

I’m tired of not being proud of my work. I made a film almost entirely alone, but its not good enough and never will be.