I get up in the morning and the alarm clock is so fucking loud. I turn it off just to stay in the cold silence, and I miss the noise again. I try to choose what to wear today, and I can never understand the weather. I put on summer outfit, just to roll my eyes at my work again cause I’m freezing to death. I knew this would happen, so I have a jacket. But I am too hot now. When I go back home- I prepare the oven to put in some veggies for dinner, and as I cut my finger on the edge of the knife accidentally I also smell smoke. I realize the oven is burning, and I turn it down a notch. I put the food in, and it takes hours until it’s finally ready! I eat it halfway cold just to insert something in my stomach, which is now constantly hungry. I go to sleep early and wake up too late. I hate touching people but I crave a hug. Everything is too much- and nothing is ever enough. I don’t want to be happy, mind you, I just wanna stop the pain. Pleasure, satisfaction and all that jazz is so beyond me, and I’m trying to regulate my struggle. To balance. But sometimes, I’m like.. fuck it. Fuck. It.