Spending the night awake when I should be sleeping because even though I haven't had sex in 6 months I'm terrified of pregnancy and even sleeping next to my boyfriend scares the shit out of me because what if we start cuddling in my sleep and he gets hard and then sex happens and then pregnancy happens? But then it has to get worse because the last few days I've been waking up in the morning after my shit night of sleep to instant panic attacks about being possibly pregnant. I literally spend the majority of my life now either stressing over this or stressing over supressing my sexual desires or relationship stress caused by not having sex anymore. I don't enjoy life most of the time anymore. I have tried a bunch fo different birth control and even recently tried to get an iud even though I didn't really want one but my stupid body expelled it and the insertion was horrifying and definitely something I never can handle again. I just wish I was infertile or asexual or lesbian or anything that would make it so I don't have to worry about this. I wish my stupid body wouldn't have rejected my last effort at preventing pregnancy after all I went through to try and make it happen. I'm so angry with myself, I wish I could just have a normal life.