No matter what I do, no matter how much I fool myself into a spot where I can distract myself, I always find my way back. I feel empty, alone, worthless and meaningless even though I have so much. I just... I fucking cant stop looking mat myself and asking why I didnt deal with the problem when I was younger. I just want this fucking sadness to end and I want to stop being tired and I want to feel like I can do something and feel like I mean something... even though I dont. I couldnt ever mean anything to anyone. I sit in my own head and my own thoughts all day long just thinking about how I will die alone and sad, crying as there is no one there for me cause of how garbage I am as a person...