So I have social anxiety and am a people pleaser. Which can be a problem during sex because I have a bad habit of not saying anything if I’m uncomfortable and also not speaking up about what I want. I think communication is super important, but sometimes it’s difficult for me. In the reverse, I want my partners to tell me what they want to do with me before we do it so I can have the opportunity to say no. I also want my partners to tell me what they like and what they don’t and if they’re uncomfortable. I get annoyed if a sexual partner doesn’t tell me if I make them uncomfortable, or if they don’t communicate with me.
None of my sexual encounters have really made this explicit. There’s just been an expectation that we would say if we didn’t want or like something that was happening.

Also, why is it that so many people just read body language and don’t actually talk? Like I’ve had someone give me a blowjob without asking before, and I was so surprised that I just… let them.

I just have so many fantasies and desires and wants, and can talk about it over text fine. But when it comes down to it in the moment, when I’m having sex it’s difficult to speak up. Especially when I’m not encouraged to or given the opportunity. I tend to just follow what my partner does, so if they aren’t asking me if I like something, or what I want, or if something it going well, I won’t do that to them. So then we’re just trying to read each other’s body language and that can get risky because what if you make a mistake?

It doesn’t help that I’m not looking for a long term thing, so I hook up with people. But I have trust issues and don’t really feel comfortable letting my guard down around strangers.

Any advice on how to get more confident and overcome this when I’m feeling insecure?