I just don’t ever truly feel like I have anyone in my life who doesn’t treat me like an obligation and my mental state isn’t in a good place as a result of this feeling. I have family and maybe a couple friends I still try to talk to, but as often as I have tried in the past to reach out to just fucking feel any small sense of connection to someone, to something, I never feel like my simple need for any sort of love is met. It’s like I’m only talked to if someone will reach out when they need something. Family especially. I’m guilted and manipulated into giving others what they want and then tossed aside. Because they know I’m desperate for literally anyone to care about me and I think if I do it enough times maybe someone finally will. And after years of it I gave up and I just don’t want to talk to anyone anymore. Like I think if I separate myself and get them to forget about me maybe it will make what I need to do easier. I’m just so fucking tired of feeling like I’m not good enough for anyone or anything. I tried. I swear I really tried.