usually in times when things started to go bad, my exit plan was always suicide. that was my go to.

&amp;#x200B;

over time developed a second backup plan to prioritize over suicide, instead of killing myself in bad times instead I would try to replace those feelings with leaving and starting a new life, i'd buy a van and just travel down the west coast in the van and be happy

&amp;#x200B;

well now because of the pandemic that plan is impossible, because I cannot travel

&amp;#x200B;

now is a time when would be executing that backup plan, and Ieed to badly