I’ve been having anxiety ever since about second or third grade, it’s seven years later and things are only getting worse for me. I’m going to see a psychiatrist in a few weeks, but i’m afraid for a lot of reason. I’m afraid that i will be judged, and I don’t want to cry. But it’s really hard not to cry when I don’t have anyone to talk to this about or anyone who truly understands what i’m going through. I constantly have panic attacks and all people say is “calm down” or “breathe” and i know they have good intentions, but it’s really not that easy. I don’t know why i have anxiety, i don’t remember going through anything traumatic in my life. but i hate having it, i feel so stupid and just...terrible. i feel like i have no one that truly cares or understands. i don’t know if i am depressed too, or maybe i’ve just been feeling extra down. i’m not sure. but i’ve been feeling a lot more down than lately. perhaps i can ask my psychiatrist when i go. and i’ve been thinking about cutting myself, and that’s something i’ve never even thought about doing. but i don’t think i will actually go through with it, i just have the tendencies. i hope i don’t go through with it. i’m afraid to be depressed, i just want to get better. i want to live. but i get anxious just to even go outside. i went to a relative’s house last week and i felt so anxious the whole time, not because of them, but because i kept thinking about terrible things happening to us. i just want to get better. idk