i play volleyball and long story short, i always do extremely well during trainings. recently, i’ve improved a lot. but i never do as well during matches or competitions. this is the reason why my coach don’t let me play during competitions or be in the “A” team. 

however, recently we have been having friendly matches with other schools and i have been performing well. because our team has alot of players, my coach puts us in different groups and i usually never play with the “A” team. the “A” team is the competition team with the extremely good players including national players. i think because my coach saw that i was doing well, he suddenly asked me to play with the “A” team and shit, i couldn’t even move. i couldn’t play properly and everything became so messy to me. my timing was off, it feels like i couldnt touch the ball when i try to spike, i couldnt even serve the ball. 

my coach saw that i failed a few spikes but he asked the setter to keep setting to me. when that happened, i almost died. we won but i made so many mistakes and im pretty sure the players who complimented me (including ones from the “A” team) realised that i am just a fraud. my coach highlighted this and said that it seems that i can only perform during training and warm up but not real matches and he was quite disappointed.

why do i care so much about what the other players think.. why do i get so scared.. how to overcome this?