Yo my head is like exploding right now from obsessing over this like it’s mostly wondering if I m misdiagnosed or making everything up but is that like imposter syndrome or am I not really bipolar?? Diagnosed with this I think around 17 or 19 but can’t really remember. Been off and on have taken lamictal vraylar ability but stopped those. But also like I definitely have depression and was hospitalized earlier this month due to it being really bad and suicidal but they put me on remeron but I stopped that because I got super drowsy and was eating a whole lot more than I’d like to and now my psych wants me to start lamictal again but idk if I’m going to pick it up from the pharmacy today maybe a lot of this is due to being on the spectrum and I think I was thought to have adhd as a kid or something but like recently life has been absolutely fantastic apart from hyper focusing on stuff like this and idk the other night I couldn’t stop my heartbeat and got super paranoid and couldn’t stop random thoughts about the number 12 and waltz and thinking I’m seeing bugs in my room because I have a house centipede problemI think my roommates were wanting to send me back to the hospital I could hear them talking I don’t know what but they were talking but also like I’m sleeping just fine I mean like for the last week or so I was staying up really late and sleeping little but last night I slept for 8 hours!!! But is that like because I’m not bipolar or due to only stopping the remeron yesterday or maybe I’m working doubles at work constantly because I’m making great money and I’m doing good work but like if I’m actually bipolar and not the other stuff then how would I get good sleep and feel tired sometimes like I think I might be faking it or convinced myself or something and I shouldn’t go get the lamictal it could just be the caffeine honestly. Like I should be getting ready for work but I need to figure this out to know if I should get the lamictal because you know is it imposter stuff and these doctors are right but maybe I don’t actually am bipolar and like all these psyche are talking and have all their Notes and scribbling from all these years and are sharing it or it gets passed on and the diagnosis sticks when I don’t actually have it and they want to put me on stuff to keep me down or keep up the diagnosis because that’s the easiest path for them I don’t know but even then it feels like it doesn’t matter a whole lot normally because I’ve felt good and am working a lot and been listening to music a lot and even when I’m not I have a song in my head  like I can hear it which is really cool. Yeah like I guess the point of this is does anybody feel like they convinced themself they have this or like misdiagnosis or something or is this not really bipolar? Because maybe if it isn’t actually I can stop thinking about this and get other stuff done because my head hurts thinking about this thank you

Sorry if flair is incorrect but this feels like a rant but also it’s a question