I haven't left my room today. I've been waiting for STD results that were supposed to come (they didn't). I did not work on any of the articles I wanted to write. I've been sitting here, in this room, since 7am, frozen in fear. And for the past month––I've also been living in a mental hell. Intrusive day-nightmares about what my life would be like if I contracted something like HIV or Herpes. Even though its likely I did not. 

I feel I'm coming to a mood where I just don't care what happens to me anymore. That might be the only way I move forward for the next few days. I can't help but hate myself for being weak.