Earlier today I called for a BPD assessment thinking insurance would cover it, but I was soon informed the cost would $2800 and insurance, in fact, did not cover it. I’m only so young and I’d hate to weigh more on my family than I already have with my hospital visits, substance abuse and self harm. Without an official diagnosis it makes makes me question the validity of my experiences. 

Instead, I scheduled for a therapist because all my previous appointments never worked out. I have no idea where to go on from here, what I’m doing, or if I’ll ever feel okay. I self-indulge in my own hole sadness and throw myself a pity party, thinking the whole world is caving in at the slightest hint of imagined rejection. I’ve never felt fine in my own skin and I don’t know if I care to get better, but everything kind of hurts right now.