With me being depressed, introverted and anti social, with family problems, the number one problem is my mom she just adds more problem and makes my anxiety worser and worser to the point i always have suicidal thoughts, being bullied back then (trauma).

I hate the fact that i survived a typhoon back then, i was near death until my brother helped me, i had no scratches, no wounds, nothing. But at what cost? I lost my grandma, my 3 yo cousin, our house...seeing their dead bodies after recovered is....fucking bs...its traumatizing.....

Now after all those tragedies.

Ever since those happens, i always get anxiety whenever it rains (now i like it..), i get violent on school, i stab someone on a neck with a pencil on grade 2....i suffocate my classmate using a plastic on grade 3, i kill dogs and puppies back then (im sorry), i bash my bullie's head on the wall then blood came out all over my uniform and my blood, what i felt is like...beautiful, that revenge is totally beautiful.

Now all those aside now today as in of 2022, it sucks....and after all of those? I doubt ill feel happy....
Oh and my mom....she's worser than the bullies....and i don't wanna talk about him