i have had many different mental health diagnoses. i don’t know what i actually have. i know i do have anxiety and ptsd. but sometimes i go into crazy episodes triggered by the smallest things where i don’t think at all and kind of black out and do these crazy things like hurt myself and hurt others and scream and act like i’m possessed or sum shit. i’ve been hospitalized twice and been arrested once due to this. i also have no sense of self and don’t know who i am and don’t even know what i look like or sound like. nothing feels real. i feel so bad about myself for being this way and the episodes i’ve had are so embarrassing and really have ruined my self esteem.