Do any of yall have substance abuse issues as well? How do you cope with your addiction(s) other than medication? 

I have bp2 and *lifelong* anxiety (plus depression starting when I was 13, I'm 30 now) and alcohol is my substance of choice. Both when depressed and hypomanic. Def worse when I'm hypomanic bc nothing feels like enough...I can down 750 ml of whiskey and still feel great the next day (def not a brag🤦‍♀️) it relieves the temporary feelings of depression too, although i wake up the next day feeling worse--more intense anxiety and deep sadness/shame being the main culprit...which makes me want to drink more to relieve it. I KNOW it's not the right thing to do. I got diagnosed at 21 and went to iop, so I know a decent amount about triggers and such as well as familiarity with AA, NA and such.

I have a tiny support group. My parents, whom are over my shit, and my partner, whom I'm surprised is even still with me. All of my old friends, including my siblings, are done with me or they only wanna hang when we're at bars, and as an ex bartender whose an alcoholic I can't do that anymore. It's the reason I quit. 

I'm in the US and can't afford the help that I need (no insurance). I NEED a therapist. But I've been abandoned by so many of them, I found comfort in my usual ways. I self medicate. And it's cheaper than doctor appts for me. It's not healthier, that's for damn sure. But idk how to break out of it. I'm officially broke as of today. 

I feel my life is controlled by my moods. It's exhausting. I had a bad day. I need to know if/how yall got out of it. 

Riding the struggle bus atm. Wish me luck

Stay stable, my friends.🤞 Wishing you luck, too