I feel like I'm not a person. Like everyone who's ever known me looks at me like I'm an alien. I don't have any peers, any real friends. No job, can't hold one down. Anytime i start signing up for college courses I get this angry-anxiety and spiral. I just feel like the gap between me and being accepted is too far to ever bridge. Anytime I think I'm close I'm reminded, either by myself or someone else that it's hopeless.



I just don't belong here. I can't figure out how to be a person. Even other pwBPD can't fucking stand me. I want to be like everyone else but I'm a square peg. I'm so alone. I try to tell myself fuck people, if they don't want you that's their problem but it's a lie. I want to be accepted more than anything. I want to be able to be like everyone else. I want to be able to talk to people without watching and hearing their opinion of me drop. 



I want to be smart enough, strong enough, good enough for someone to care about. I want to be someone capable of being loved. Why am I such a freak? Why am I operating on the wrong frequency? What do I do to be a fucking person? I'm so sick of it all. I feel like I'm marked "worthless, untouchable, fool." I fuck every opportunity up. Every chance I'm given I fucking waste. I'm so god. Damn. Shitty.



There's no place for me here. No home. I'm not supposed to be alive. I'll always be wrong. I'll never be someone worth the air I breathe. This is such a beautiful planet and it hurts so fucking bad knowing I'm just not meant to exist here. That I'll always be alone in the most extreme sense. I can't stand being me.