TLDR: my fiancé has the habit of massively hyperbolizing and compulsively lying, as well as impulsively saying inappropriate and hurtful things, but I struggle to call him out on it, because he can sometimes nosedive emotionally due to his low self esteem. Can I avoid this? I desperately need him to be aware and accountable of his actions, but I also don’t have the energy to simultaneously act as his emotional regulation while calling him out because it’s a lot. 


I made a post earlier, but figured I’d make this one more to the point that I’m trying to get at!

My fiancé is a wonderful person but he has repeatedly gone and impulsively said some upsetting things, which crosses not only my boundaries, but the boundaries of our mutual friends. 

I want to begin calling these things out, but I’m nervous doing so, because sometimes with him “we need to establish some very firm boundaries” can escalate into me holding him while he cries his eyes out and tells me he doesn’t want to be alive anymore. It’s a lot to deal with, and I’m not really excited to potentially increase the frequency of that type of occurrence. Any tips to avoid him spiraling emotionally? It can sometimes feel incredibly manipulative, though I always treat him with empathy and love while navigating these situations. 

I’m also not super solid on what to do about the lying, because sometimes he just massively hyperbolizes, but other times I get the feeling that he’s compulsively lying, though I don’t always have proof, I just recognize that what he’s saying in those moments feels distinctly off and slightly different from reality (though, he seems clever at lying, because he’ll plant seeds of his lies into other conversations so if I ever attempt to fact check with a friend, they tell me the exact same flimsy cardboard cutout story with the exact same words and zero divergence) I just don’t know if there’s an easy way to say “I feel like you may not be telling me the truth, I’m not upset about anything, I just want honesty from you” without him potentially doubling down and going harder on his sometimes blatant lies, or having an emotional nosedive from me not 100% trusting him for his word.

Anyways, rambling over. I appreciate the help thus far and any future assistance!! Thank you!