Hello everyone, im in so much pain right now and i cant seem to be able to express myself to anyone i know its easier for me if its to strangers..
Anyway, i dated a guy for almost 3 years, our relationship started off weirdly and really quick even though i told him so many times i wanna take my time but he never gave me time..
I stayed in that relationship because there was beautiful moments where i really felt like i was in love even though most of the relationship was just me waiting for it to end cause i just couldn't feel the love anymore but i wasnt sure and i would overthink a lot of stuff when i think of breaking up ( there were a lot of mistakes from his and my side during the rlts )
Eventually i met someone at work and we immediately clicked, i felt a connection with that person to the point where i felt like we were the same person.. i couldn't stop what we had at all.. we never did anything behind my bfs back except talking but of course it counts as cheating i know, i tried to stop it so many times and i even confessed to my bf immediately and i told him it was a mistake but each time i would have stronger feelings for this other guy and fall in the same cycle. 
Eventually i broke up with my bf and immediately started going out with the other guy since we had feelings for so long but nothing ever happened till this year. I was called so many bad things because of what i did and i know how wrong it is.
Now im dating the other guy but missing my ex so much.. i knew he was talking to this other girl and its so selfish of me but my soul is shattered each time i think that hes with someone else even though im doing the same, even my feelings for the other guy are barely there and idk what to do. I feel like im this mess and i hate myself for everything..