In September, I (26f) closed on a house with my SO (30m), he proposed to me immediately after we closed on our house. Shortly after moving in, he told me that he has been feeling ‘weird’ and feels like he is ‘at a dead end-like when you finish a game and there is nothing left to do’. He tells me he is feeling depressed but he is unable to really tell me what he is thinking and feeling, which makes it hard for me to help him. 

I am doing my best to support him and I have been taking care of everything around our house and really just trying to help him through his struggles, but in honesty, I have been battling my own depression for quite some time but I have severe anxiety and that has kept me from telling anyone what I’m feeling. I worry that if I tell my family and friends, they won’t see me the same.. Now that my fiancé has expressed his depression, I especially feel even more unable to tell him because I don’t want him thinking that his struggles are causing my depression as well, which isn’t the case. However, past unresolved trauma of sexual abuse and manipulation from my childhood has caused me to constantly feel like everything is my fault and my duty to resolve, but I just don’t know how to ‘fix’ this and how to help him be happy again. My anxious brain jeeps telling me that I am the reason he is depressed, that I did something that caused this and it’s my fault…

I guess I’m posting this here because I’m hoping that saying my truth and sending it into the world will help me feel a little free. I haven’t quite learned how to help myself just yet, so I’m not sure how to help him get through this. It’s so hard watching my partner struggle without really knowing what’s going on in his mind.. how can I help him overcome this, and how can I do the same for myself..?