Hi! I (23F) have been wondering if I have BPD for about 4 years now but I’ve never brought up to a doctor because since childhood every time I try to talk about my problems it gets written off as just mild depression and I get a prescription for some shit that zombifies for months until I realize it’s not helping. I’ve recognized some things about myself that could be BPD and I was just wondering if anyone who has been diagnosed can relate. I definitely have a FP, always have, since childhood I’ve always been obsessed with or “in love” with someone at any point in time. Always felt like I didn’t deserve anything when I was really young and would often push all my pillows and blankets off my bed because I “didn’t deserve them” and would cry myself to sleep. When I was younger I also lied a lot, made things up, and often used my best friend as a scapegoat to make myself look better. I’ve lost a lot of friendships due to being shitty and selfish as a teenager. Always justified my actions in my head like it was okay because they weren’t good friends anyway, or it was just karma because they did something to me first. Somewhere around age 19 I went through a spiraling depression that completely altered my personality. I now cherish my friends and try my hardest not to hurt anyone. I can barely relate to the person I was before. Back to the present, my current FP is my boyfriend of 4 years. He’s been there through my lowest lows and now we live together and have a one year old. In general he makes me happy and I never think about seriously leaving him but there’s always this nagging feeling that he’s not happy with me and he’s going to leave me eventually. If he’s not very affectionate for a few days in a row I start panicking and mentally distancing myself from him. I feel like I need constant reassurance which clearly bothers him but I feel incapable of making myself feel better on my own. I have no legitimate reason to think he doesn’t like me anymore, it’s just the randomest little things that send my mind spinning in circles wondering where I went wrong. For example, if he doesn’t come over and give me a hug when he gets home from work it genuinely bothers me and makes me feel like he didn’t miss me at all the whole day. Or if he spends way more time talking to his parents (who we live with) than he does to me I feel like I’m unwanted there and wish I could just disappear. Another thing I’ve noticed is that if I’m expecting something to happen at a certain time I get increasingly anxious as it gets later and later. Like if he’s usually home by 3:50 but now it’s 4:30 and he’s still not home (even if I know he’s okay) my anxiety starts creeping in and there’s nothing I can do to prevent it. Rationally I’m aware that this isn’t normal but I feel these things anyway. Does anyone with BPD have symptoms like these?