I want to say that I am seem to be a very happy person, but deep inside I know I’m not. I don’t really have a reason to be sad, I’m in college with good grades and I even play football. I’m really social, making friends and going to social events is not something that I struggle with. My parents, family members, and friends always seem to be very proud of me and I’m thankful for that, but for some reason I just feel empty. I’m 20 years old, and I try to convince myself that I’m just going through a phase but honestly I’m not sure. 

I been living without my parents since I was twelve just to get some better education. My only motivation is to make my parents proud and that’s the only reason I haven’t given up. I’m two years away from getting my bachelors degree but all these years have been a roller coaster of emotions.

I’m concerned about depression cause my favorite cousin committed suicide at the age of 32. He was all smiles, I never saw him sad. I could relate to him cause we were similar in many ways. When he committed suicide I was so confused becuase he was the happiest around everyone and was having a good life. 
 
I’m worried that I might be suffering from depression and end up doing what he did. I just feel that my life is too good to be sad or feel empty. I don’t know what’s going on.

(Just to clarify, I never had suicidal thoughts).