im scared i’ll end up with someone who can’t love me. im scared that ill be honest and tell them about my mental illnesses and hurt which makes me unable to function daily as normal, and they’ll get sick of me and leave. im scared they’ll fall for an illusion and be disappointed with the way i am. im scared they’ll blame themselves. or take it personally. im scared they won’t understand why i do certain things and act certain ways and have certain thoughts and ideas which are irrational. i get it no one is ‘normal’ but i genuinely am difficult to be with and love because of the way i am. i cant even pretend to be okay for a bit, i have reached that much of a low!! i feel damaged from other things that i can’t be in a ‘normal’ relationship, and so no one will love me because i need looking after. it’s selfish of me. relationships aren’t supposed to be just for looking after someone. but i have hit a point that i can’t function as a normal partner. they won’t accept me for everything i am. they’ll find me ugly and sick and exhausting. they’ll hate my body because of the dark ugly scars on my legs. the always-fresh cuts on my arms. and the body which will eventually become bones because all i see is fat regardless of the number on the scale. they will feel unlucky that they had to end up with me. it will be my fault they are sad and stuck with me instead of others who would be better for them to grow. no matter how much i tried to be good enough, it won’t be enough because i don’t have that energy in me. there is a point where i just have to be my ugly self, and i am at that point. i hate that i am this way i want some one to truly accept me but i know no one can. not anyone who is healthy and wants to grow. anyone with a choice would never choose to love, accept me. everytime i got close to someone i would have to worry about things ‘normal’ people don’t have to worry about. scared that they won’t accept me for everything i am.