Started meds about 6.5 years ago, tried a handful, and ended up on Wellbutrin for about 3 years in various doses. Never felt that effective. Stopped about 3 months ago because it felt like it wasn't doing anything, but just enough to keep me from being in the absolute gutter gutter...until recently. I still felt so sad and empty. Right after I stopped, I found someone who diagnosed me with ADHD and gave me Vyvanse. I read horror stories so ceased use after 10 days. Now I'm on nothing, and I'm so sad and blah all the time. My whirlwind summer fling (lol) just ended because he went back to school,  so I can't stop crying, and I'm not really used to feeling intense emotions like this anymore. On meds, I would feel more numb, didn't really have crying spells. I can't tell if my sadness from his leaving is "normal." So I felt the urge to make another appointment to get on Wellbutrin again, but it feels almost like a...copout? Idk. How do I know if I really need meds, or if I'm going through a bad patch—fling ended, longterm breakup right before starting that, having body and food issues, lonely and need to cultivate more of a social life—and just need to work through these things rather than trying to bandaid it, in a way? Please note I mean bandaid for *myself* specifically, not that meds are a bandaid in general. 

Or is it that I need meds to be able to improve the above things? I would lean toward this, but it seems like they've never actually helped me too much, just made me *feel* slightly less. My sadness and malaise were slightly less painful. 

This is what I'm asking myself—should I let myself be sad and feel like a regular human being would in response to sad things, because human beings go through sad periods, and actually try to improve aspects of my life rather than go back to a medication that didn't help me much? Should I give myself more time?

Or should I try to seek out more meds? A different kind? The same ones? I'm tired of playing pill roulette. One of the worst aspects of meds was feeling like happiness was muted in addition to sadness. Like I'm just meh in the middle.

Or should I try to get to therapy above all else? (Dreading this option since everything is $200+ a session)

I keep joking that I'm super emotional and unhinged blah blah because I'm feeling so much—I've been on pills so long that I don't know if this is normal anymore