I'm just wondering how I can have so many mental illness diagnoses, take so many medications, and still have a lot of the issues I had before, but they are less severe.   


TLDR: I have 6 mental illness diagnoses and take a bunch of medications and I'm just thinking about all the what ifs?  


**Backstory** 

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I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety which was not improved with several medications. Then I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder after discussing severe hyperfixations, periods of no sleep and lots of energy, etc. So then I started lamotrigine, which helped with the low moods, and then they added latuda which helped with the emotional dysregulation. At the time I reported obsessive and intrusive thoughts, issues with auditory, visual, and tackle issues, anxiety, issues with mood dysregulation, etc. All of which will become apparent below.   


*Bipolar disorder and GAD*

A couple of months after the bipolar diagonsis, we started tackling the anxiety. I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and, since I had tried several SSRIs before and the diagnosis of bipolar disorder, we landed on lyrica for anxiety. Which really helped, but did not remove the obsessive and intrusive thoughts or the compulsions that went with it, the doomsday anxiety, and a lot of the thoughts that gave me anxiety. Basically, it got rid of the physical symptoms of anxiety, but not the thoughts. I was also prescribed ativan for brief periods of time for severe and frequent panic attacks, however, I have not used it in over a year now. 

*ADHD*

Fast forward a couple months and my distraction, hyperfixation, energy, fidgeting, high energy, inattention, etc. And then I got slapped with a diagnosis ADHD-HI and was prescribed several stimulants before landing on vyvanse. And vyvanse helped a lot with the symptoms, but by no means are they gone. But with mental health medications, I understand the goal isn't to get rid of them, but to lessen them so you can live your life. At the time I also mentioned obsessive and intrusive thoughts, and compulsions. I was later told that my ADHD may be causing Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. 

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*OCD*

So a couple years later,  I still had all the symptoms I had when I was diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar disorder, just less severe. But I still had profound intrusive thoughts, obsessive thoughts, and compulsions that took up hours of my day. I was diagnosed with OCD and prescribed Luvox.   


*the other stuff.* 

Throughout that time we also landed on that I likely have sensory processing disorder and an attachment disorder stemming from childhood bullying and family issues, but I never received a formal diagnosis of these.   


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**Where I'm at now**

So basically here I am, after a decade of doctors and therapists with a diagnosis of BP1, ADHD, GAD, OCD, and likely an attachment and sensory processing disorder. And here I am taking 4 medications twice a day. And they haven't gotten rid of my symptoms completely.   


I still have hyperfixations, can't break my routine, sensory processing issues, have frequent meltdowns and temper tantrums during changes in routine or unexpected difficulties, mood dysregulation, difficulty with executive function, obsessive thoughts to things that don't cause anxiety, very overly sensitive, fidgeting, anxious thoughts (but no physical symptoms thanks to lyrica), etc etc etc. 

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**What I'm feeling**

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And I'm just like, how can someone have 6 mental health diagnoses, take so many medications, and still have symptoms? Is there something we're missing? What if all these diagnoses are related? What if the DSM doesn't have an accurate diagnosis yet for me? What if I don't have these diagonses and I've be taking medications that just cause side effects but haven't actually helped? What if, what if, what if, what if, what if.   


Am I just doomed to be taking all these medications and not getting better? Am I just a mess with a bunch of different mental illnesses that will never be treated?   


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**What i need**

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I just don't know what to do. 

Should I talk to my doctor? I tried to talk to my therapist and she kinda just laughed at me and keeps bringing up that I said that and it's upsetting me cause it feels like she's making fun of me. I'm scared to talk to someone else and get my concerns invalidated.

I guess I just needed to vent, but if anyone has any suggestions of what to do, I'd appreciate that too. Otherwise, I'd just appreciate some solidarity.