First of all, i'd like to thank everyone who helped me on my last post. I'm currently going through the diagnosis process.

Now, me and my boyfriend always had an incredible relationship. Some ups and downs mostly because of my trauma but nothing too serious.

Since december my bf has gotten some serious things going on in his personal life, he didn't tell me and we almost broke up 3 times. Mostly bc he said he wanted to be "alone". Later on we talked and and he confessed said problems and said he was pushing me away because he just couldn't talk about it, delicate situation. We're still together and he swears he loves me BUT. The whole "we almost broke up 3 times" shattered all the progress i've made on my trust issues over the last 3 years, even if he reassured me that the issue was unrelated to our relationship or myself.

Usually i send some cheesy texts to him and he barely answers them in the same intensity. (Ex: "you're the love of my life, i'm so thankful for you" "me too") I know this might sound dumb but it makes me nearly have a meltdown sometimes. When we started dating he was also very cheesy through texts etc, now when he's kinda blunt, the first thought in my mind when i see it is "there it is. Things aren't like they were before. He knows he wants to leave but i think he's feeling pressured to say it" but as soon as we meet he's the sweetest. But in my mind, lately, i feel like he isn't showing it enough and it clearly made him upset. He told me to think about how much he does/thinks about me through his actions and the scariest part was: i can CLEARLY see it in my mind no one was ever this kind to me, yet, all i could think  was "nope. I don't see it, because he's not saying it" Like, as if i cannot process something that isn't my ideal of love, the whole talking thing. We talked about it, he said was upset because he felt like he wasn't enough and he just couldn't reassure me 24/7 (which is fair!), and that the whole thing was hurting him because i clearly have an emotional dependency.

His love language is clearly different than mine, and thats ok, but how do i make my brain accept it and not overthink it? 

I recognize this isn't healthy, he's very supportive and i'm seeking treatment because i need to be better for him, for us and for myself. I stopped pointing it out whenever i feel attacked, but i'm still freaking out by myself in silence for the sake of the relationship 🥲 i really want to improve this