Every time i go outside by myself i am very, very aware of myself and everything around me, listening every single voice, every small sound, making sure to look at anything suspicious, repeating what i must do, how many steps i must take to the next place i need to go, reminding me to keep my straight face at all times to not make people uncomfortable. 

cracking my hands or my neck is very relaxing, or playing with a little object is also a little rest i can take to stop the fast heart beats, watching my surrounding looking and counting birds or fruits in the trees, fidgeting with coins or a bracelet. 

this only happens when im all alone, since i was little im very nervous, but when im with my family or with friends im a lot more confident, of course im still aware of my surroundings, but it feels like if I have  a person on my "team" i can make so much more. 

But even when im back at home after a very stressful day out, i feel proud for not having a panic attack or a mental breakdown, because it means im getting stronger everyday.