Functioning

Have you ever felt so mad, so frustrated you just want to physically punch a hole in to the entire word. From previous posts years ago I’ve struggled with my mental health and I found Reddit a good coping mechanism because of the anonymity so here I am again. I hate life I’ve hated life since I was a kid (31 now) I’ve been through trauma I’m battling depression and those who are doing the same know how it’s a constant fight I know this I know every day is the same fight but fuck me I am sick of my own self destructive behaviour it’s beyond a joke. It’s easy saying just don’t do it. I hate myself every single day and it’s so easy to throw myself into alcohol and drugs  even tho I know it’s wrong some times when I go for for a quiet drink with friends I go into auto pilot and before I know it it’s 7am in someone’s kitchen and im off my trolley on coke. This isn’t a woe is me story and I’ve gone on some kind of tangent but im just so fucking fed up of taking positive steps and then self destructing I want to punch an hole into the earth.