I know what's right and wrong but i tend to wan't to do the wrong thing. When i do the wrong thing, i hate myself for it. I learn from it but in my head i want to do the wrong thing. Everytime. Do i want attention? Do i want to do the wrong thing to people notice me, to hate me? How do i get rid of that? I feel good doing the right thing but deep inside of me, wrong things feel familiar, safe.
Example: i decide i want to drink once week alcohol. I drink on wednesday. Friday comes, if i don't do it, i don't get peace of mind. I think about it until i drink.
And this is not only with alcohol, this is with almost everything. Before it was with cheating, lying etc. I think i have been almost always like this. I want to improve myself
I just want to know you guys thoughts, ideas, just something.
I hope i make sense..