Maybe my family don’t hate me. Maybe they just don’t understand. I just told my siblings Im borderline. After years of being the bad guy and them hating on me, or at least I felt like they were, they say they would’ve understood if id spoken up.
They say they love me and care for me. 
They say they don’t see me as a bad person. They say they see me as their sister and they want the best for me. 
I cried. A lot. I want to believe them. 
I never thought of telling them because when I told my parents they reacted badly and dismissed it. As any middle eastern parents mental health is a taboo subject so for me to tell them Im sick meant they reacted badly and were actually mad at me. 
But my siblings aren’t like that apparently, I never would’ve told them until I heard them talk, my sister is studying medicine so she was telling my brother to be more understanding as she thinks Im bipolar. I go to correct her, “i’m not bipolar, I’m borderline” I said. 
I want to believe they love me, I want to believe when they said they want whats best for me, I want to believe they will help me, I want help but I never wanna ask for it. 
I want to get better, but I’m so scared of getting better, and even more scared to open up. 
Thank you if you read this, people rarely read my posts on here.