So uh, I've been suffering from this depression thing for like 5-6 years now. Because of this new day and age of TikTok, me scrolling on it for hours has nearly convinced me into thinking this mental thing isn't real, rather just a figment of my imagination, or "getting clout" if you're young. As i get older, I realize I'm slowly killing off my depression. I started working out, enjoying life, and focusing on the good things. The bad part about that is I have begun to ignore my mistakes. I tell myself that "everything can be done with a smile on your face" to motivate me to do good things. I feel like I'm trying too hard as a person to do things well. It's basically a series of me refusing to accept my good deeds and stressing out when I do bad things, especially when its pretty small, like forgetting to take out the trash and dumb shit like that. Then I refuse to show my emotions to people, even my family. I feel like I'm beginning to forget my sense of humanity and think more about perfection, not a sense of balance. Though I feel like this may be a positive path, I sense that it will destroy my emotions completely, and hell, nobody wants that. I know making mistakes is a way to learn, but to me it's a way to fail. "When you make mistakes, you disappoint everyone," is an often phrase in my mind. It's as if i hypnotized myself, like my consciousness is trying to shape me into this type of person.

Or maybe I'm just overthinking things. Typical.