Yes we all know the saying, live for yourself, improve yourself and the good times will come etc. And I've done some of that over the years. But it just feels like the only thing that even makes me want to do ANYTHING is approval or respect or whatever from other people. Like if I can make someone laugh or say something it was worth doing, and if not then it wasn't. 

I thought this weekend I'd work a bit on some songs (I play guitar), of course the whole time thinking about how i'm improving myself for myself. Then I thought, would I work on the songs if no one heard them? The whole point is to get reactions from others eventually. Can I truly say I'd do any of these things if they were really for myself only? And the sad answer is probably not. I'd probably just browse 4chan youtube and maybe watch some shit then sleep the rest of the time. Even my job is just a holdover until my parents die. It's always as if I'm ticking off some arbitrary list that I tell myself I should care about.

Of course the irony is I barely have any friends and generally get ignored in real life (I shouldn't even have to mention my only friends are online). So what's the point, is impressing others good or not? It doesn't seem to do anything anyway.