I had work arrange from Recuirment agency to do accounts payable after being out of a job for four months, which is great and exciting when I got the news. 

Walk into the workplace and been introduced two bosses, tour of the building and then my office. Then I meet colleagues, it was uplifting to get back into work in a spectacular office and building. Just couldn’t wait to get started. However what looked a dream job turned into a nightmare. 

First day was an introduction I have to go through with procedures (Health and Safety, fire exits etc) and then the second day I started to do tasks, I got introduced to the accounting software to process the invoices (no social interaction with public and work on my own I was dreaming) with the line manager showing me everything to do and expects me to process 60 invoices in a hour considering I been out of work environment and got three months experience on the job that I am doing.

Third day, I was told to carry on processing invoices from day before and bearing in mind this was the first job I had after a four month period of unemployed, I was rusty and trying to adjust to the system and surroundings. I know I would make mistakes and errors, but I said to myself I will get better as soon the jobs goes on and I can get up to speed once I gel in. 

On Thursday (fourth day) as soon as I start, the line manager speaks to me and said that there was errors and I was behind on processing regarding to speed of entering invoices in system. I thought “well yeah I started, let me settle in first” then she said if I don’t improve then it won’t work out meaning the job. I was kind of in shock so I kept my head down carried on processing and try and be better then I was on the previous day. I noticed that other colleagues was typing faster than I was and thought to much about speed processing coming with panic, burnout, anxious thinking etc which caused me to rush and affected my attention to detail. Line manager did say if you need help just shout or ask other colleagues, however with Aspergers it effects me to ask for help and approach people (consider I don’t know them properly yet) it gave me the fear to ask if I come across stupid relating to different task and try and solve them myself and hope to avoid humiliation. But on that day I thought I adjusting to the system more comfortably and felt my speed was increasing. End of that day line manager did say my sped did increase but there was still high errors and ask what could be the cause. So I told her  I was rusty and tried to get use to the system after being out that kind of work for four months. She told me come in the following day and will take things from there. 

That night I had fear and anxiety that I was going to lose a job that I dying to keep a hold of it and will be devastated to lose this.

The fifth day (Friday) the line manager was working from home and told she will speak to me that day (from the conversation from previous day) that morning will processing I feel I was doing a lot better, more confident and started to get the hand of things. Got I bit hopeful and thinking if she sees in an improvement I could keep I hold of it. In my mind I paying the correct amount of attention to detail of invoices and I feel my typing got quicker. Carrying on with more confidence flying away. I have to get in touch with her to ask with her through teams and ask if there’s anyone to authorised my timesheet and if I made more errors to get feedback from the invoices I processed from the previous day. She responded there was still errors to high to process and she that day was my last day. Then she mentioned the error percentage comparing mines and the other colleagues percentage. Considering I had three months experience on Accounts payable and four month absence and the colleagues has years of experience and using the system constantly while I haven’t.

I’m gutted and devastated. Totally hard done by, I never got the time to settle in, adjust and gel in after a long absence of accounts payable work. Never got to know my line manager and other colleagues properly or them to know me. 

With Aspergers I find it a struggle when meeting new people and the staff had the impression I never wanted to engage and disinterested and just wanted to be the quiet guy in the corner which may come against me. 

Man I feel useless 😩