I have BPD as well as a history of depression and anxiety. It is the combo of anxiety and BPD that I believe leads to my tendencies towards hypervigilance, including some behaviors that rightly could be considered stalking. 

In a past relationship, I once drove to a location where my boyfriend was going to be meeting a female friend and watched with binoculars. 

In another, I seriously considered installing a keylogger on his PC (did not go that far). 

I once looked into GPS trackers because I wanted to see where a boyfriend was going. 

I bought a security camera because I badly needed to figure out my last boyfriend’s passcode on his phone. 

While the most troublesome behaviors haven’t panned out (I didn’t use the GPS tracker, security camera, or keylogger!), I have done other things to betray the privacy of my partners. 

Right now, I have my previous partner’s Facebook Messenger account on my phone and can log in at any time (he doesn’t use it much). 

I fully recognize my behaviors are wrong. I get this. I would tell anyone of you to knock it off. Yet, when it comes to some of my own romantic relationships, I am nuts. I say “some” because I have noticed that not ALL men trigger this in me. It tends to be those who have a hint of shadiness who bring it out in me. 

Do others suffer from this malady? I know I should stop it, but it’s very difficult. 