In relationships, I fear being left for my partners' exes. I fear that I'm just a filler. Not as good as their ex so they're definitely going to return to whichever one I'm fixated on. Unfortunately, this fear came true several times, further fueling it. The biggest issue is when he can't return to his ex for some reason, usually because she doesn't want him back. I'll compare myself to every little aspect of whichever one of their exes I'm fixated on from looks to personality and always come to the same conclusion that I don't measure up. This is when I become paranoid that I'm only second-best and I just want so badly for the object of my affection to want me as much as I want him. I've self-destructed over this fear many times. Because of this fear, I'm currently disengaging myself from someone who seems promising and might even be able to put up with my instability. To me, it's like he would prefer his ex, and it feels like abandonment that is only prevented because of external factors. It makes me feel like trash.