I've been reading things about love bombing and how it occurs during phases of idealization. I now feel like all of the emotions I feel aren't real and I'm just a ball of manipulation and that I don't actually feel love, I just pretend to. I don't know what to do. I know that after episodes or bad incidents with people I love that I get extremely overly affectionate and just go on and on about how I love them and I care about them and I want to make them as happy as I feel when I'm with them, but now I just feel like that was all a lie. I feel so toxic and just that everyone I love is going to leave me because one day they're going to realize that I'm just manipulating them and that I'm a horrible person. I'm starting to think what is the point of loving so deeply and having so much hope for being happy and healthy one day when everything I do just comes out as being toxic, manipulative, selfish, and ultimately worthless. I don't know what is real and what isn't in my head right now.