I messed up a potential relationship again. I’m tired of feeling like I’m too much and I feel so much guilt from how I feel like I burden people with my moods when I’m depressive and how much it feels like I’m disappointing them when I’m not manic and more carefree. I detach and yet somehow become so codependent and I keep trying to avoid it but it always end with the same phrase “it’s all just too overwhelming”. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame them. I guess I just want to know how to stop feeling this void, this feeling that I’ll never be able to maintain a healthy relationship with this illness. How do I stop the spiral and the suicidal ideation. How do I stop the guilt I feel for even feeling this way because I feel manipulative for being the one crying and feeling empty when I’m the problem to begin with.