The normal things like the flairs here hardly effect me at all but like almost anything that reminds me of my ex boyfriend triggers me. I found an old notebook with some of his drawings in it and started to dissociate; I drove really close by where he lives with my friend and literally started shaking. Sometimes I think about seeing him on the street or him texting me to get his stuff back and I panic. 

I hate that this disorder takes away our ability to even know if what we go through is real. Despite calling him out on it and having third-parties tell me he was abusive I still can’t get myself to 100% believe it. I know in my mind that I’ve changed since meeting him—I’m broken in a lot of ways because of him. It just sucks that some really important things might be lost to me forever now. That’s life I guess. 