I was in a relationship with someone suffering from BDP and I was wondering about some stuff. When you have your “angry” moments (I really don’t know how else to call them), how conscious are you of it, and of the destructive effects it’s having on the people around? 

When I was with her, she would go from extremely happy to incredibly mad and angry, as if she was going to murder me. She would yell, hit me, force me to do various things, etc. She would eventually calm down and tell me how sorry she was for her behaviour. This makes me think that she was somehow conscious of it and felt bad for it, but then she would often talk about how she didn’t like how we would constantly “fight with each other”. I found this very strange because a fight usually consist of 2 people being very angry at each other, but it wasn’t like that at all. It was more of her being very angry at a mundane thing I had done, and me profusely apologizing for it, while she would do all the yelling. This got me thinking that maybe she wasn’t fully aware of what was actually happening. 

This was 2 years ago, and i still don’t understand everything that happened, which is why I came here for questions. I am sorry if my wording can be interpreted as offensive, I’m not too familiar with this community. I wish for everyone here to get the support you all need.