I (32f) was recently diagnosed with BPD (quiet type). My boyfriend and I had a challenging conversation a few days ago because I haven’t felt like myself and he was noticing some things and was concerned. During this conversation he mentioned my intensity being really high, noticing that I am like living way in the future, that we needed to slow down, and said we should maybe cool it on the “I love yous”. This was really hard for me to hear, but I tried my best. I wrote out all the symptoms he said he was noticing as well as my own observations and brought them to my psychiatrist. She has also been concerned that I’ve been too attached to him/too intense about him. I am confused because I thought my intensity was matching his, normally I try to hide my feelings because I know they can be a lot, but I was following his lead or I thought I was. He said I love you first, he brought up living together, he would say he just wanted to spend endless amounts of time with me, he once told me he wanted to elope withme (when I brought this up he said he mostly meant that as a joke,though my memory of it is different). I got excited that I met someone who was excited about being with me and I guess it was too much. I feel like he’s pulling back now because of something I’ve done or maybe he doesn’t think he can or wants to do this anymore? 

With the help of my psychiatrist I came up with a list of things that I need to be more mindful of and ways that he can help if he wants, he wanted to hear it and did a great job listening but now I feel like everything has changed. It feels like he’s just treating me like a friend and not even one he likes very much? Like I feel that I’m constantly annoying him or frustrating him. But maybe I’m reading into things that aren’t there. Hes not saying any of those things, it’s just lots of tiny things that I’ve noticed plus the conversation we had. He’s never lied to me before, but suddenly I feel like he’s saying I love you to me just because he’s scared to take it back, not because he feels it. And it’s breaking me. I love him and I don’t want him to be scared of telling me anything even if it’s hard for me to hear. I don’t know how to fix this.