Every depressive episode seems like it’s the worst depressive episode,  but this time it really does feel like it. I don’t know if it’s the weather change, my med switch, or my new job. On top of this episode, I got a great opportunity that was supposed to be a life changer for me but it’s looking like that may not be the case for me after all. All I really wanted was a better life. A life with some freedom and happiness. If this doesn’t work out, then things are looking bleak for me again. It’s depressing because I’ve been giving it my best. Putting all of my time and effort into it and if I fail at it, then it’s just going to feed into my feelings of worthlessness and my depressive episode will spiral into territory I don’t want to be in again. Just need to vent. I’ve been isolating and not seeing or really talking to any of my friends except for one and now I feel like I’m way too comfortable with being alone. Idk I couldn’t sleep so figured I’d vent to people who understand.