I posted on NYD after having a mental break down [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalillness/comments/koeg4s/trigger_warning_self_harm_ive_failed_my_personal/). 

I was getting ready to go for dinner round my other half's parents house. I was, I'd like to say, well dressed. I had washed and straightened my hair, put face masks on in the three days between Christmas and New Year so that my face would except makeup properly. 

My other half innocently asked why I was getting so dressed up - and I crumpled. We had 5 minutes to get out of the house so I ran around trying to find something casual - I did, but my jeans ripped, causing a panic attack then I refused to go anywhere. 

He apologised, gave me a hug and asked if I was ready to go - by this point I was in "shut down" mode.  

He agreed to go by himself, I got into my tracksuit and started relaxing. 

I got into the bath, and carried out something that I hadn't done in 10 years - I was numb from head to toe. When I got out the bath, and back into my track suit, I opened an Only Fans account. 

I don't know why - probably out of curiosity more than anything. 

My partner ended up finding out the day before he was due to go home - I completely shut down. 

Long story short - In the last 12 day, I have gone from; In a ***Loving*** relationship and suicidal to Single and trying to sort my mental health out as well as fighting to get the love of my life back. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I am getting the help that I need to sustain a loving relationship with someone I would die without. 

I can honestly say, with out that first comment on the linked post, I would not be here today. 

sophiemarie29, I hope you don't mind, and thank you.- so much. 

Thank you to all who commented too. It means the world to me. 

***I AM AN AMAZONIAN WORRIOR.*** 

https://preview.redd.it/owrc9nl2d6b61.jpg?width=2268&amp;format=pjpg&amp;auto=webp&amp;s=456ae747ddead388f35cf436ecc12862fecf5fa4