I've suffered from severe body issues since I was 17, and body related stuff since I was 10. Had a breakdown and was sectioned for three months when I was 18. Diagnosed with severe body dysmorphic disorder in the hospital.

Been stuck in limbo ever since. Had and still have therapy but only got/get so far. Each year goes by and I just think is this it? I don't know how to change anymore and am scared too. It's like body issues is my identity. I've missed SO much and am so behind my peers. Embarrassingly so. I still feel mentally like I did at 17 years old, except I know I'm more mature in my opinions. I just don't know if I can change anymore. 

I feel so alone. I feel like I'm unfixable. It's already been 10 years. Life is just going by. I wonder if this is it. Surely I'd be over it by now? Have had possibly (?) suicidal thoughts in recent years. I don't want to die, but find comfort in the idea I could do it if it ever becomes unbearable. I thought of how/where I'd do it, but again I don't want to die.

I just feel I'm unfixable and that scares me. Plus I'm starting to have regret at the time lost. Can anyone relate to a decade of severe mental illness?