
Since the pandemic has gotten better and restaurants, theatres etc. are opening at my location again, I feel like the loneliest person in the world. 

I've had very few friends for most of the time in my life. When I am with other people I feel like not belonging to them, just like an alien. 

Anyway, three years ago I began with my bachelor's degree, started to be more outgoing and actually made some friends I am still in contact with today. I also started volunteering in a youthwork-programme and attending a BPD self-help group. So I have a lot of acquaintances and also a few friends. But I'm still completely isolated. 

Mostly, these "friends" don't have time for me because they are either very busy with work or they are meeting other people and having fun without me. I was told several times that if I was less needy they would probably invite me more often; but that did never happen, they just stopped contacting me. 

A lot of people say "These are no real friends, let them go and look for others". That's what I did as well but my situation didn't really improve. If I meet up with a friend (what rarely happens), they don't want to do any activities (going to a restaurant/café, going on a short trip etc.) with me for some reason. They only invite me to their house to talk for an hour or two or maybe they go on a walk with me but nothing more. I've asked so many times to do something different but they always find excuses like "I don't have money" or "I'm not in the mood for that". 

I really don't understand this. Am I too ugly to go outside with? Am I acting to weird? Is something wrong with me? 

As I said in the beginning, the end of the pandemic and return to a "normal" life confronts me even more with my loneliness. Seeing all these happy people who are sitting in bars and going on vacation together is making me extremely jealous and sad. I really don't know how to cope with this. Currently I am looking for new hobbies so I can at least do something productive while being alone and deal with the feeling of emptiness. But everything seems boring and pointless to me. 

Excuse me for any grammar mistakes, I am not a native speaker.