Everything i think is wrong

I wanna be alone but as soon as i am i dont wanna be alone and when im not alone i wanna be
I wanna eat but as soon as i try my hunger and appetit is gone and i cant 
I wanna sleep but as soon as i try i cant or dont wanna be asleep
When im happy i wanna be sad but when im sad i wanna be happy
I just wanna be home but when i am i want to go outside but shen i do i wanna be home again

How broken am i that i wanna be unhappy?

I spend the evening plsying marioparty with my closest friends and i was so gucking happy but also sad bc all i could think about i that im to happy rn and i should be more misserable

I wanna quit social media but when i turn off my phone i have to urge to be on social media

Everyingle thought i have is wrong
Any even that is wrong bc my thoughts have to be right! Right? Wrong!

I dont wanna be in this loop of endless confusion
But i when i dont have it i miss it?

I want help but everytime i search for it or actually someone tries i block and dont want help at all again

I should be happy... bc i have a girlfriend, a job and friends, but i shouldnt have that i dont deserve any of it

Sorry for posting this or any spelling/ grammar errors, but at the same time im not sorry

It never ends i guess