I don’t know what to do. November will be five years since my last suicide attempt/hospitalization and despite difficulties since then I’ve remained pretty okay, but currently I’m struggling with being here and feel like I would be safer checking myself into a psych ward but I feel like it wouldn’t be worth it. I’m so hopeless after finding out my ex emotionally cheated on me with his coworker and lied over and over again. He was my favorite person and getting over the break up was hard but just now finding out that he’s dating his coworker and she is meeting his family is killing me. My mind is so clouded that I even considered reaching out to another ex who had abused me just because my brain is trying to hold onto some type of familiarity. I feel like I might be safer staying somewhere that I could be monitored but I hate being hospitalized, it just feels like jail. I don’t know what to do with all of this pain.