I’ve always struggled with BPD symptoms, and I finally sought help and confirmed. 

I have been terrified of abandonment, triggered by trivial things, and could meltdown every few weeks. However, when I’m okay I have a great life with my dog &amp; boyfriend. 

We have had problems due to my neediness and mood swings since early in the relationship but we thought it was just anxiety and stress from school. Things had recently gotten severe and I started talking about suicide during my breakdowns. My last before deciding I was done and needed help was on vacation where I completely humiliated myself and pushed him to break up with me. I genuinely hate myself for doing this to him. 

Of course, I begged him to stay as I became emotional. He insisted I needed to seek help and figure it out on my own. And I realized he’s right when I calmed down. We plan to live separately while I figure this out and possibly go back to just dating a bit. 

I don’t only want to get better for him.  I’ve been trying to get better on my own for half of my life.  I desperately want to regain confidence in myself and to feel peace of mind and that’s the #1 goal first and foremost. But I also really don’t want to lose my boyfriend in this process of healing. He says he doesn’t know if he can forget what I’ve done already... and I respect that. But we are so happy on my good days and I know I can put in the work to get through this. I want be the person he deserves all the time.

Does anyone have experience in healing relationships after finding out about your BPD?

All I’ve seen is negativity in that usually the damage cannot be healed. If there’s any hope, let me know.