Hi everyone, first time poster here. Without going into a whole lot of details about my personal life, my life sort of seemed to fall apart at around the age of 21-22. During this time, I had severe depression and some psychotic features which led me to self-medicate with drugs. Since that point, I have been to therapy and have had some experiences, but with little to no avail; this resulted in a few 5150’s, medications that didn’t seem to help, and (what i feel) a sort of misunderstanding? Maybe I couldn’t express myself with transparency for whatever reason. I was on Prozac for a little bit of time, but found it to be non-effective in my case. I stopped taking any medication approximately 3.5-4 years ago. 

This leads us to the current time. I have been in my first long-term relationship, and an event regarding my gf and a coworker hanging out as friends (not a big deal, which I can see now) really brought up a lot of insecurity issues, and led to a lot of anger. For the pst couple years, I have looked at symptoms for BPD and have found apt of them to seem very similar to my life, but it took this event and my reaction to a fairly normal event to start to really consider the possibility that I should at least talk to someone.  My reaction to this event has caused a sort of schism that I’m not sure we will be able to overcome. 

Due to last 5150’s or having my feelings discounted by medical professionals, I’m reluctant to go to any type of therapy. I guess my question is: do I just bite the bullet and go speak to someone, or is there anything I can start doing before I meet? I am just afraid that if I go back, the medical professional may just discount my emotions or how I’m feeling. 

(I’m sorry for such a long post, but I really don’t know where to turn with this. I’m hoping you fine people may be able to point me in the right direction) 

