I'm currently suffering from both BPD and major depression and I wanted to ask, if you also had it like me.

When I try to close my eyes and sleep, I have really intrusive ideations of me jumping off a cliff and killing myself, or me trying to hang myself in my grandpa's room after finding out he just died (irl he's fine thankfully, I saw him today)... While I'm going to a tram stop or stepping on rails (to go to the other side of the street), I have a "flashback" that the tram goes by and kills me. And so on - I don't want to mention more because it might be even more triggering.

Overall it's really frustrating, because I'm trying so hard to start living relatively normally and I don't know how I can make it even slightly better. I'm only trying mindfulness, but it doesn't help when I'm trying to sleep. Am I alone with this or do you had such "flashbacks" too?

(If I made language mistakes I'm sorry, I'm not a native speaker of English. Love to you all from Poland ❤️🇵🇱)