I've had these thoughts for months now, so it's not just me splitting.

I think at first he really did like me. We had so much in common, and he always wanted me around. He even said I love you a week in, premature I know, but I think he loved me for me. He knew before we even met that I had bpd and traumas.

But I was a junkie. After a few months I was on a massive drug binge where he had to take care of me. I got clean not long after. It wasn't fair to him.

He slowly started distancing himself, even cheated on me. I stayed, because I didn't want to be alone.

I still love him, but I'm so *tired*. I realised, or better yet, I let myself accept he doesn't love me anymore. We both hurt each other likely beyond repair.

We've been together 18 months and I'm too scared to leave. I think he stays with me out of loneliness too. I just want to go home and listen to sad music.

I don't think I can be alone. And I don't want to lose him. I still love him.