i have this friend that i met at work back in 2018. we had a lot in common and quickly became good friends. always hanging out, going to concerts together because we liked most of the same music. over time she began to do things that just really fucking irked me. acting like my mom, lecturing me if i went somewhere by myself because of HER anxiety. one time she showed up where i was because i went alone, and at that time i was really trying to work on my sense of autonomy and taking myself out. but she roped another friend into it as well. if i did any drugs she would literally get mad at me and make it very known about how uncomfortable it made her (even though i was never high around her nor did i do any drugs around her). i ended up moving states in 2020 and completely cut her off, no notice or talk. i just ghosted her because i couldn’t take it anymore. later that year i was diagnosed with bpd and after going through an outpatient program i reached back out and apologized believing i had just split on her and she didn’t deserve it. fast forward to now, ive moved back and we are hanging out again and now i am remembering why i cut her off. she again love to act like my parent, and is genuinely one of THE most negative people ive ever met. if not, the most. i’m an incredibly pessimistic person, and i am working so hard in therapy on my black or white thinking because i always assume the worst. so with that, i try to give her the benefit of the doubt and try not to write her off as “all bad.” but jesus christ, it almost feels like she’s bringing me down and hindering my recovery even more. i don’t want to cut the friendship off because in the past year and a half ive completely ruined every friendship i have because i got so out of control, and am finally working on it really hard. and she’s like the only friend i have right now, but it is genuinely so hard to be around her. it makes it hard to even enjoy things. i met another friend through her and we all went to pride, and the friend i met through her and i were talking about how we almost didn’t want her to come because we knew the energy would change and we wouldn’t have fun anymore. when i am with her we never laugh or have fun. sometimes it’s awkward and we’re silent, other times all we do is talk about our depression. again, ive really tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. i know she has been dealing with a lot mentally as well, and i feel like if i once again cut off the friendship that it would set her off or break her, but i also am in a place in my own recovery where being around her makes me feel worse and pulls me right back into that pit i am trying so hard to crawl out of and i don’t know how to navigate this.