I am sick and tired of this up and down. I am tried of feeling “good” and making “progress” only to fail and fuck up. Like today I crashed, lashed out at a friend and spoke of them ill, and then got questioned about it. All while eating junk food and trying to kill my self 

I am done with this disorder. I don’t want to “recover” if that means dealing with this roller coaster over and over and over. Today was so bad I couldn’t take it. Next time, I should give up. Because clearly, living with this disorder is not worth it. Sick of this shit

I’ll leave behind a note, turn off my phone, and that’s it. In the end, this disorder is what would have killed me