Tw// abuse

This is going to be kind of long because I’m new here and trying to figure a lot of things out. I (20f) recently left a mentally abusive relationship and around the same time started experiencing very intense trauma symptoms. During the few weeks since I left, I became convinced that I have bpd and have wrongly been diagnosed with bipolar all this time (I have gotten that diagnosis since I was 14). I have been experiencing normal trauma symptoms like confusion, anger, irritability, mood swings, anxiety, fear, and shame. But I have also been feeling like I don’t have any real sense of myself and I don’t feel real. And it’s so scary because I realized I have always felt this way and I never knew how unwell I was until now. I also have never been as bad as I am right now. I called my grandma and told her I had come to this realization and she basically said she was glad that I was finally realizing how unwell I am which was even more scary. She also said this was the worst its ever been. So, what I first thought was a natural trauma response turned into me realizing I might have serious untreated mental illness. Like I’ve known I had bipolar but I thought it was just a mood disorder and honestly I always kind of denied I had it or it was that bad. But looking back I think it might have been worse than I thought. I just can’t tell if I’m really delusional in my thinking or if I was just abused so badly that it’s making me think I’m losing my mind. I should add that I checked myself into an inpatient facility this week because I was really suicidal and just wanted some immediate help. The psychiatrist in the facility signed me up for DBT which I know is a treatment for BPD but he didn’t specifically tell me I have BPD because he said he couldn’t diagnose me off of one conversation (I only stayed for 2.5 days). And he doesn’t know to what extent I was mentally abused, which would take too long to detail here. This ‘diagnosis’ is making me really question everything I’ve done in the past, such as wanting to cut off my family because they haven’t reached out and because my mom emotionally neglected me. I have the right to feel hurt by my family but I feel like I see things so black and white and have drastic reactions. I guess I am wondering if what I’m experiencing is just a normal reaction to trauma or if I have BPD and it’s just been more controllable before but now I have too many triggers and it’s all too much to handle so it’s more visible now? Has anyone in here experienced abuse and can weight in? Also, did it feel this scary when you realized you have it? Because i have been having terrible panic attacks and have been unable to work or even do normal human tasks. I feel so confused and I don’t know anything about myself anymore.