I was diagnosed with bpd in rehab about a year or two ago. I spend every second of every day depressed,cutting myself and scared. I don’t want to lose anyone else I’ve lost siblings,parents relationships and friends. To death,drugs and well I never got the reason from the people who would just walk away. 

I’ve had really sever separation anxiety my whole life but what made it worse is the fact that my parents and some exes I was with for years. Would literally lock me in a windowless room for weeks. Sometimes months. Longest I spent in isolation was 9 months being force fed meth and raped daily. My current boyfriend is the reason I escaped all the stuff from my past but..lately he’s been different and I can’t tell if it’s my bpd or if something’s actually wrong. Until about a month ago he would refuse to be separated from me if it were for more then and hour or unless he was at work. His parents recently had us move in together and aside from his sisters bipolar schizo girlfriend everyone here seems to like me. I’m the only one who cleans up other then my bf’s mom so I know she likes me. But heres why I think he’s being different lately, he never texts me at all anymore even when he’s out. He quite a construction job he loved because it was too many hours away from me which I get but he’s not even with me. We both have adhd,I have a physical illness. and we both have separation problems.  as well as I have bpd. He has anger issues as well. Which should mean he would at least wanna talk to his fiancé once or twice a day right? Nope. He wakes up at 3pm I’m up by 10am. Not because I work it’s because he literally throws and hits me in our sleep. So then I spend the days I’m not violently ill taking care of him. (I’m 17 he’s 20) I do all the dishes and cooking as well as clean our room and his gaming room. On the days where I’m puking and dizzy/feinting he will literally bring me chores to do or food to prepare in bed for him if I’m too weak to stand up. At the start of our relationship he tried showing off by buying me all kinds of things I like. I was uncomfortable with him paying fully for all these things and were supposed to split bills evenly to save money. But he’s not doing what we agreed. He has me using his card because all mine and all my ID was stollen from me I wouldn’t mind that if he wasn’t using only my money. He hasn’t deposited yet this month like he was supposed to. He’s been disappearing to random guys’ houses and he’s started locking me in our room like my exes did. I think he’s drinking and that’s not like him at all. He brought me to his favourite tattoo artist and he knows I wanna stay clean so why would the boyfriend who claims he wants me to stay sober and happy bring me to a cocaine dealers house who does tattoos on the side who immediately offered me Coke within moments of entering his home? He knew he was an addict and he told me how much he finds people like that disgusting so I’m a bit weirded out about the fact he tried giving me this dudes number when we left. I told him I don’t care even if it’s only for tattoo purposes I want nothing to do with people like that Anymore. He says things to make me cut on purpose and he’s hanging out with some dude who looks like he’s on meth. I just want a family ffs. The bloods dripping again.