Viable in the sense of could you live your life that way, indefinitely and also viable in a financial sense, like would you basically need a huge amount of money or a substantial amount of some kinda passive income to achieve it?

I just can’t take it. I don’t want to be a part of society anymore. At least as much as I can avoid. I can’t hold down jobs because of my mental illnesses, I can’t go out and party and drink and have sex and friends and relationships like other people my age do because of how many conflicts it all puts in my head, I can’t stand constantly feeling trapped, like the walls are closing in around me by my financial situation, I just want to be free. Actually free. And the way I see it, the only way to actually be free in this world is to either be obscenely rich, which I’ll never be, or to just separate yourself from society. I’m just exhausted. I want to be alone.

But it also feels like society tries hard to trap you in, make it feel like it’s impossible to live if you’re not a part of it and you don’t conform. But I’m constantly suicidal, I know if I have to do this much longer… well, there won’t be a much longer. I don’t know if escaping will fix anything, maybe it’ll make me wanna die more, but it’s the one thing I’m telling myself I have to try before I’m allowed to die. So I’ve gotta try and find a way.

But I have no idea where to even start, I’m completely broke and jobless right now. I don’t have a car or even a license. I’m not too far off finally getting enough hours to get off my learner license, only taken me about 5 years so far. But it feels like it’s within my grasp for the first time ever. Don’t have it yet though, so it’s still a limiting factor, and even if I did have it, can’t afford a car. But basically I guess I’m looking for a list of things I need, a list of steps I can take or work towards taking somehow. Cause I can sit here all day and think of all the reasons it can’t be done, but if I keep that up I’m gonna give up on it before I even try and that’ll probably end with me giving up on life altogether.

Ideally, I guess I’d like to start with building my own house. Like with my own two hands. Don’t care if it’s little more than a lean-to, I just want to do it myself. Ive done a fair bit of woodworking before, and I’ve watched videos of people build log cabins and stuff and it doesn’t look totally outta the realm of something I think I could do. But I’d need tools and materials and stuff, I have none of that. That’s the type of thing that I guess keeps you bound to society in a way, cause I’m not sure how else you’d get that stuff other than buying it. I’d also kinda want power and hot water and stuff, which again, means inviting a bit of society back into your life, but it doesn’t seem too suffocating if I could keep it all at arms length. 

But I wouldn’t even know how to set any of that up, or what would be the smartest way to do it, if generators would make sense or if I’d have to connect to the mains still or what. And I also have no idea how to pay for fuel/electricity bills if I can’t work. And I can’t think of a way to do any of this long term without owning a least a small piece of land. But again, there’s a million reasons why I can’t, trying to focus on how I *can*. So has anyone done something like this? And if so, how’d you do it?