I don't even know if she's my FP anymore. I just hate her so much, she's constantly busy but I see her making plans with her friends daily. I always offer to do something then the day comes and she is busy. I just feel so abandoned and alone. I talk to a few other people but it's definitely not the same. I don't get happy when anyone messages me, yet it fills me witn excitement knowing that someone cares. I've never been a smoker or a drinker, but recently it's getting more and more temping.

I'm waiting to see a new psychiatrist so I can be officially diagnosed with BPD and actually get help but it's gonna be a month or so. I don't know how to cope anymore. I lay in bed all day then have sparks of happiness and joy then it comes back down.

I guess I might not even have BPD, I mean I show clear symptoms but maybe I'm faking it.