I don’t know where to start, I’m a shitty person. Basically the night I broke up with my girlfriend, I was so relieved, it wasn’t what I wanted at the time, so I went to talk to my friend who’s also a girl and I ended up staying over with her because I didn’t feel like getting up. During my breakup period I eventually stayed over there again, this time even making out. 

After a while I realized my ex is what I wanted, and we got back together. I am so happy with her right now. My problem is I constantly have anxiety thinking about my actions to her when I broke up with her. 

I don’t know how I say I love her now, but did these things to her in the past. She keeps telling me she’s over it she forgives me, but I can’t forgive myself, and every day I tell her it’s eating me up.