   My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. It’s my longest relationship and I’m 27, and suffer with BPD. 
    Tomorrow is my first psychiatrist appointment but I’ve been in weekly therapy for 3 years now..
  My boyfriend owns a handful of acres and a shed/cabin that we’ve made into a tiny home.. I was living there for 5 months, until I couldn’t take being so far from town, not having a shower, not having electric, my own space, and/or running water.. I decided to rent a place in town with the amenities I need , and spend time at both places.

  A few months before I decided to move, a friend (who I haven’t seen in years but we’ve kind of kept in touch) told me she was moving back to Montana for the summer and didn’t know where. I told her if she needed anywhere to stay, I’m sure my boyfriend would let her stay and camp on the land until she figured it out…
  
    Basically, I’ve moved 8 miles away closer to town, and now my boyfriend and friend are living on his land together and I’m CONVINCED in my mind I’m going to get cheated on.
   
    A few years ago, I was dating a man in Hawaii, I had a BPD moment and fled back to Wyoming to “think”… in a week he had “fallen in love” with one of my best friends.. they’re still together and have beautiful children..

    My boyfriend tries to reassure me by saying “that’s never going to happen, I love you” but it’s not enough. I am bombarded by videos/images of them hooking up all day long in my head.. which has now turned into me constantly splitting.. constantly in fight or flight.. I even broke up with him to just not be abandoned.. he’s understanding and we’re back together, but I can’t shake these deeply rooted feelings of betrayal, jealousy, rage… help?