i fit the qualifications for the diagnosis when i was younger, but due to the country i live in not really knowing what quiet borderline is, i don’t fit the qualifications for bpd anymore. i’ve actually been doing pretty good the past few years, but i can feel my bpd getting worse again :/. 

my bf is my fp, he also used to have bpd but doesn’t fit the qualifications anymore, so naturally i’m his fp too. we spend just about every single day together, and we’ve done so for ~5 months. it’s honestly been the best time of my life. i love spending time with him, we do just about everything together and we’ve had such a nice vibe when we’re around each other. lately i’ve felt like my bpd ruins our time together though.

i take so much of what he says too hard, and i get extremely jealous whenever he talks about playing video games with one of his friends. i feel it stinging in my entire body and i just feel like crying. i obviously know that it’s not something i should be feeling, so i would NEVER tell him to spend time with me instead of his gaming friend. it still hurts like hell though. 

not only that but recently i’ve been getting so annoyed at him for no reason, which leads to me resenting him sometimes and just being in a trash mood all the time. sometimes my brain just tells me to break up, but i obviously won’t bc i know how good we can have it, and it’s just my bpd getting in the way.

i’m sick of feeling like this, i wish my bpd just stayed inactive for the rest of my life, it’s just a reminder that i’ll struggle with bpd forever, and that relationships are gonna require a lot of more work than it would for someone w/o bpd.