at this point i just want some challenge because it just feels like playing life with cheats tbh, i feel like such a shitty person at the same time because i don't actually want anything to do with these people(though it is how each of my relationships started-as a challenge to see if i can "hack" them and make them fall for me and it happened so that i clicked with some of them). it feels like we can play chameleon so well that we just see the weaknesses in people and wrap our image around what they seek. like i've adopted so many tastes and interests/opinions that at this point it feels like they don't even fall in love with ME but with a weird combination of some of my previous romantic interests..lol

please tell me i am not the only one who does this and that it is just my bpd and attention seeking ramping up