Over the last 5/6 years of my life I have tried harder and harder to live a happy and fulfilling life a long side a person whom I love very much. However as time goes my life just become less and less enjoyabke and happy. Its seems like all this effort in trying to find hobbies, meet friends, be more outgoing, or attempt to have a relationship just gradually ends in me becoming more and more miserable.

I recently moved overseas to a country I have wanted to study in for a long time at the university I wished to go to and frankly I am still really unhappy. Only once in my life have I felt happy and contempt with no worries about my weight, or future because I was happily living jn the moment taking short term goals as they came but I was thinking about it and why all this effort to becoming unhappy. 

5 years ago I was much happier than I am today but 5 years ago I didnt have any goals or dreams lr ambitions, was overweight, and had little to no friends and played games all day and it didnt bother to the degree that it does today despite my many achievements and effort into have a more fulfilling life.

I lose so much sleep over how unhappy I am and the happiness that i lost. I go to sleep just to wake up somewhere I dont want to be. Its like playing a game for 6 getting burn out but unlike life you can logout or quit. I just feel so burnt out. 

Rationally I care about school, money, etc but emotionally I don't care. Except for one thing which I lost a long time ago and doubt I will ever get back but despite that I have been trying harder and harder but im just so empty and getting progressively more unhappy that i dont have the motivation to care anymore. I feel like im finished.