I feel seriously, seriously depressed right now. This is the worst i've felt in a while, and thats saying something. This is the only outlet i have to express what im really feeling. I don't have many friends, except a few close ones. I've been a loser all my life, the substitute on the bench. I ve never been that well respected among my peers. I was frequently group bullied throughout school. Forget that, I've never even been respected within my immediate family. My dad treats me like i'm retarded, and has absolutely no respect for me. So here I am, alone in my room, crying my eyes out for the past half an hour, because honestly i dont know what else to do anymore. I always expected great things of myself, believed I had in me something which was in some way unique. I worked hard throughout school, because, well what else was for there to do? All the while, I had this expectiation that hard work, great marks would get me to the top universities. Academics, and getting into a top university was all I had. And now, because of a few small errors, that dream is gone. Even topping multiple subjects in school wasn't enough, all because I applied for a subject I'm not even sure I want to do and picked a bad, overly ambitious list of universities.The only thing I''ve ever thought about till now is academic and professional success. Over the past few months, I've carried this feeling of pain, regret, wishing for an alternate reality. Noone else understands, least of all the only other person in the house, my dad. I have nothing to do anymore, no purpose to work towards. I heavily regret working hard, and regret life in general. It feels like nearly everything that could have gone wrong, has gone wrong.