I am so tired of this mental state I am in. Nothing is stable at all. I have no room for stability. I have no room for stable thoughts instead I have racing off the wall thinking. I have so much room for doubts on how I feel but I never know the actual answer of things. I’m tired of doubting my feelings towards my partner. I’m tired of fighting the thoughts about it. I just want things to work out but here we are, everything is normal but for some reason I have thoughts of maybe I’ve grown out of it but I don’t want it. 3 years with somebody good just emotionally gone? I still want to cuddle and the couch and cuddle but damn I can’t see a future with him but DAMN I can’t see a future in general. I hate when I text him I feel annoyed but still want to talk to him. I’m tired of when I go to work I’m worried of what people think of me. I’m worried people are trying to fire me. I’m worried if I’m doing a shit job. I hate thinking my friends hate me and don’t appreciate me. I hate I’m pushing people away. I hate I’m depressed with a lot of anxiety. I hate myself so much. ALSO I JUST HATE SPLITTING. I feel since I got fucked over by my ex best friend last year I’ve split on people just in general. I have people for the most part. I use to not be like this. This shit blows. I feel like this is a death sentence.