I overcame depression two years ago in 2019/20. I was going through therapy consistently and over time I saw positivity in my life. I managed to stick at my job, succeed in college and better myself in other areas of my life.

But lately I’m falling back into the same hole. Nothing seems to be panning out in the way I perceive things to be. It’s almost as if my life isn’t in my own hands and I’m left stuck, confused and lost. Every connection I have with people seems to fade away in time. Interpersonal or romantic and every outcome leaves me questioning my self worth and overall perspective on life and in general. It becomes a lonely sentiment and you wonder if anything is even worthwhile. Your goals, your ambitions, dreams and strive to be the person you so hoped and wished to be… is it really beneficial?

Losing connections with THAT who you wished stuck forever really causes mental and emotional distress. Consistent, like a pattern of such, interfering in your psyche, stunting your growth and changing you as a whole.

I’m still trying my utmost best in every way possible to keep the positivity. I read books, watch motivational videos and tell myself positive affirmations daily. I always try to see two sides of the coin and be unbiased.

I don’t know how it’s gotten to this. I don’t know how I’ve come to this. It shouldn’t have happened! I feel lost. I’m not me and I just want this to end. I cannot stand this conflict of interest within myself. I feel so effortlessly defeated.