I don’t know what it is that got me to be like this, I don’t know what it takes me to break out of this but I’m always in fear. As  an 18 year old I’m no different than I was back when I was 11. People do whatever they want to me and being a coward kind of made people stay away from me or just wish me even more harm, including my own parents. Even I don’t like a coward person but I’m not proud to admit I am one myself. 
How are people not afraid of defending themselves, messing up, saying sorry, shouting at each other when needed?? I really can’t do any of that. And I’m confident I’ve been through enough stuff for anyone to break silence but I never could stop shaking in fear.