I had a friend whom I considered my FP for four years. We’re not friends anymore and I feel like I had moved on.

During our friendship he was constantly making excuses why he was unavailable. He was either too depressed, didn’t get a notification, his mind was too blank or whatever. During our friendship, his discord status was always on “do not disturb” so that he would not get any notifications. It’s been a while since he and I talked. I tried to maintain our friendship but he was so visibly disinterested that I was like fuck it.

For years I blamed his depression. I blamed myself for being too much and not understanding. Now he puts his status on so that he can make himself available. So that he can get notifications. It sent me spiraling all over again. It was just like a reminder “I’m so okay without you and have so many people I actually have energy and time for and you’re not the one.”

I hate this. So much. How do I forget him already? Especially that I’m feeling guilty that my illness is the reason he wants me gone.