I've been doing pretty well for a while with the paranoia I experience surrounding my boyfriend cheating on me. He never has and I honestly don't think he ever would I just get panic attacks from time to time and that's the main thought in my mind is that he's paying attention to another girl. I know he's working and with time I'm able to rationalize that but for the last half an hour I've been convincing myself that he's at work talking to some girl on Facebook and I just want to break all the walls around me down and become a monster and yell and scream because there's a part of me that feels like i will always be betrayed. I have such a hard time trusting. It's not my SO's fault what so ever but something triggers it (usually issues with my dad) and I get major abandonment attacks and can't help but feel like he's going to leave me one way or another. I have to work in an hour and that should help distract me but for now I'm convinced that he's busy at work chatting away. Sometimes I feel like there's 2 sides of me. One that feels this way and one that completely trusts him and would never doubt that. The moment he steps out the door I become this monster consumed by abandonment. I think I'll take an Ativan and calm myself down. Whoo hoo 2:30 panic attacks.