I was like super prepared for a therapy appointment schedule change next week which usually triggers the shit out of me, and then I get a random text saying that another one in two weeks is also not happening which really threw me into a ridiculously massive tailspin that has become absolutely dramatic. Because now I don’t know if I’ll get to see my therapist that weekend if he’s doing group at all or what and I can’t find out today because I tried to call the front desk right after they texted me but it went to voicemail... wtf. I had a massive panic attack to the point that I was throwing up and crying so hard I basically passed out. I stopped panicking now but it literally feels so unbearably painful and upsetting that I don’t know what to do and I can’t stop crying. He probably just fucking hates me and doesn’t want to see me. I’m so annoying he probably dreads seeing me and I look forward to it so much I’m such a stupid idiot nobody even cares about me. I literally spend all week obsessing over a dumb appointment that he couldn’t care less about like that’s absolutely sad and pathetic. I’m a total loser. But who cares because I’m in absolute agony right now. I feel like I’m going to fucking explode. I swear, I wish other people besides us could understand how this feels.