I consider myself a disappointment, both objectively and subjectively. I went from being your typical gifted child with potential to someone who struggles with organisation, no close friends and poor grades (For reference, I got no A's last semester but plenty of C's and D's).

I consider myself 'damaged goods' which may sound harsh but it's the only way to describe myself. In the absence of mental health support, I am aware of the fact that things will only worsen in future and that things will not improve.

I entered a local council writing competition recently and lost. I lost this same competition two years ago also.

I have been active in the Student Representative Council and other school activities since Year 7 so I decided to run for school captain or any other leadership position last year. I lost to people that had never engaged with the school council and someone that had only been at the school for a few months.

In primary school, I participated in the International Competitions and Assessments for Schools (or ICAS) and have received distinction and high distinction awards so I decided to try it again recently. I received no awards.

I thought I would be able to make friends upon changing schools at age 10. I was unable to make any friends and was socially excluded by those around me.

I thought high school would signify new beginnings. I did not get into my dream high school and ended up going to a low-end school where sport is valued over academia. I continued to struggle socially and my academic abilities have dissipated over time.

I have never received an award at any school recognition assembly since I do suffer from frequent burnouts as a result of overworking myself.

I tend to forget basic hygiene needs and I am very disorganised. My school bag is filled with old assignments, food wrappers and crumbs and trash galore. No matter how hard I try to stay neat, things revert back to normal after a few days.

I am emotionally sensitive and cannot handle criticism (whether negative or constructive), passive aggressiveness, being yelled at and being confronted. I shut down and I know this will ruin my chances of holding a steady job in future.

And so on.

To summarise, I am a loser. I don't fit into traditional expectations of how a girl should act (in terms of stereotypical personality traits) which makes home life almost unbearable sometimes. Although I do pick up on certain things quickly such as new languages, I struggle in other areas. It seems that everyone is fairly good-looking with good friends that they have lots of fun with. They go out all the time and take lots of really cool photographs. They look happy and I'm happy that they don't have to go through the hell that is my existence. I don't have the motivation to do anything stupid as of now but if I was presented with the opportunity to terminate my existence, I would.