i'm not even sure if this is the right sub to go to for this but it's the only one i can think of that's accepting about all this shit. 

my mother tried to pull some terf apologism shit with jkr's recent tweets- my partner is trans and i was not appreciative of what she was saying. and somehow the topic of sexual assault victims came up and she told me i had to "understand their point of view" and i seriously just. snapped? and i told her that i don't have to understand OUR point of view, because i already see it, and yadda yadda all that shit, accidentally outing myself as having gone through an assault in order to make sure my partner could still feel comfortable here. 

later on i told my dad the vague details that i know; that it happened when i was performing a theatre show when i was 12, that i know something happened, that i don't remember specifics because it's a repressed memory, but also that i'm not looking to open any more of that up (at least right now) and would just like to move past it. he believes and supports me fully; he says it makes a lot of sense in the timing of everything in my life, especially when my mental health issues and disorders developed, and i can at least appreciate that, and i hope that we can have the same relationship there. 

i still need to have an in-depth convo with my mom about it and i'm terrified. she herself is a victim of much worse than i was, so i'm really afraid of her judging me for not having all the answers or being fucked up for something MUCH smaller. she was talking to my sister about it while i was inside with my dad, and my sister told me it was a weird tone of conversation (already trying to put me on a scale of terrible to tolerable) so i'm not looking forward to having to talk to her about it. 

i really REALLY wish i'd kept my mouth shut- but i couldn't stay quiet when they were saying shit that could make my loved one feel unsafe. i snapped and i didn't think it through and now they're going to look at me differently for the rest of my fuckin life when i had resolved myself to not tell them. i don't know what to do. plus the whole repressed shit is making me think i'm faking it, a g a i n, and i don't know what's going to happen if i have to talk to them for real again. 

idk. i just really wish i would take it back right now.