Firstly, I’d like to ask if anyone’s ever googled an absentee parent and thought to themselves “God, I really hope I see an obit.” I kind of feel bad for saying that but my dad was absent my entire life and showed up about a year or so ago to threaten me into trying to talk to my mom for him about making her stop having him back-pay all the child support he never paid while I was growing up.

Secondly, I’m in the midst of a kerfuffle with my mother and her wife because… it’s a long story:

• They started dating when I was about 11. I never did well in school, and one day my mom’s [then girlfriend] was lecturing about my grades and I was basically like “Why do you care? You’re not my mom.” She got so mad at me and she never let it go, even though I apologized shortly thereafter.

• It’s also important to note that both of the girlfriends my mom had were verbally abusive. The first one did it when my mom *was* around. The second one (now her wife) did it when she *wasn’t around*. I mean everything about me -nonstop- was under fire. Appearance, sexuality, masculinity, weight, athletic interest/ability, everything. *Everything*. I mean, I was 7 years old crossing my arms shirtless because I was so ashamed of my body. And basically, my mom was like “It was teasing, no one meant anything, don’t let it bother you, I know she said some nasty stuff but just forget about it.” It was one of the reasons she and her first girlfriend broke up. So when the second one starting doing it, it stopped real quick… but still happened behind the scenes occasionally.

• Fast-forwarding to today, I recently dropped out of uni for mental health reasons. My mom is doing that thing where she *says* she’s not angry or disappointed, but is being really passive-aggressive about it because I don’t think she understands how big of a deal it was for me. We had a fight where she said probably some of the most hurtful things she’s ever said: “I’ve tried so hard to support and understand you.” (Made me feel like even more of a broken person.) “It feels like you don’t want to be a part of this family.” and this one- “You need to apologize to [stepmother] because [so long ago] you said she wasn’t like a mother to you, and you haven’t treated her like one since we got married.”

Now… I could be misremembering, but I did apologize- and she has *never* acknowledged or apologized for the things she’s said to me. And I’ve never even expected her to because it was a literal decade ago. Not only that; but I’ve remembered her birthday and included her in Mother’s Day, I’ve helped her around the house without anyone asking me to, and I’ve gotten her stuff just to show her I was thinking about her. Things she can’t even depend on her own son to do, and he’s the same age as me.

So on top of that my mother is charging me an exorbitant rent but also trying to make me feel like an asshole for wanting to move out. I have always done the bulk of the housework and honestly I’ve been the one to get our family together for dinners and outings over the years since she hardly keeps in touch with her own parents.

Am I an asshole for thinking I’m being given the shit end of the stick here? Am I wrong to be as angry and depressed about the whole situation as I am? It’s honestly causing a huge flare in all of my symptoms. Idk how I’m controlling myself because the urge to self-destruct has never been stronger.