All im hoping is to die. I broke up with my gf. I still love her but she seems to have no interest in me anymore, when we were friends we would spend nights together, we had a remote relationship and it was quite fun. Now she sometimes ignores me, im trying not to give up but but i think it is coming to an end. I want to die but i dont want to leave my mom alone. She has no one but me. I lost my purpose of existence, i have no motivation, i am dead inside, my heart is broken. Things wont get better in future, i ve been like this for ages now and i should have killed myself ages ago. I am looking for painless way to die. I am such a failure, i dont know why my mom sees me as her hope. When me and my gf were friends i was talking abt killing myself and she said she would never forget, she said the same thing after the breakup but in reality she probably doesnt even remeber that i exist if i dont text her. She told me some cruel words that i think i didnt deserve. Those words are killing me from inside. I still love her but she just doesnt, i dont want to lose her. It feels like i was given 2 chances in my life and now i think i missed both of them. Now all i wish are love from her and painless death. I dont see my future in any good state. If i had a gun i would point it to my head and pull the trigger without any hesitation.