I’m trying to understand my feelings and thoughts and the way I am more before my first scheduled counselling session but I wonder if people could help?

I had a ‘normal’ childhood with no obvious trauma or issues. However I have two siblings, one older one younger who required all the attention from my parents. If you asked my parents they’d say I was always so relaxed and didn’t need the same care the others had - the easy child which at the time they probably appreciated. I’ve always bottled my emotions up etc but I thought it was normal to, only now they’re coming out and in an overwhelming way. Basically I think I suppressed this stuff to not add to my parents load, is this a possible reason for some of my feelings? At the time it might just have been a bad day or someone being mean to me etc so I don’t think it affected me but after years of doing it I think it took its toll.

I’m not sure I’ve worded this well or gone into enough detail, but I am noticing similar behaviours between how I was as a kid and now, only now I have 25+ years of bottled emotions behind me making those little things I used to bottle up push me to breaking point. 

I feel so guilty thinking this could be a reason, I feel like I’m blaming my parents. Im the one who took those actions, they would have been there for me if I showed I needed it but I guess that’s why I’m always more comfortable supporting others now than people helping me. It feels incredibly uncomfortable when someone tries to help or support me.

Sorry for the long and disjointed post, perhaps one day I’ll learn to be more concise.