This is gonna sound crazy, probably. But I’m a content creator in a rather huge fandom. I write fan fiction (a hobby that really does help me when I’m having a bad time) I also have a decent amount of Twitter followers on the account connected to all my fics.

I had an account on this anonymous messaging app called CuriousCat, eventually I started to get a lot of hate, over posts, what i write, etc.

And it become kind of a toxic habit, I would obsessively check the inbox, and almost eagerly await the next horrible message so that I could reply to it.

Eventually with the support of a few friends, I deleted the app and my account on said app, all together, and the hate has since stopped. Besides a few of my friends within the fandom getting hate messages about me.

But the thing is… I kind of.. miss the attention? even though it was incredibly negative and sometimes accusing me of things I hadn’t done.
Even though sometimes the hate, would be hurtful and horrible.

 I’m formally diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ocd, so I definitely know I have issues, but ugh, I just hate that i want to go back to something that did hurt me, I don’t know or understand why i miss it.