*sigh* the last couple of years have been really transformative for me. My husband puts me in my place (not that he's at all gentle about it, but I'm proud of my ability to see that through my emotional fog) I had a baby which really matured me. My outbursts have become tamer - I'm no longer making personal attacks, but I wish I could be happier. Because of my disorder I can't trust myself, with even the most menial tasks which I know frustrates my husband. I get depressed often and shut down and isolate. Becoming a mother has really forced me to grow up but I'm far from perfect. I wish I didn't have such a maleable personality. I wish I could trust my own instincts. I feel so helpless. I hate how hard life is for me and the burden I am to my family. 