I have BPD and I would consider myself to be the quiet type but I am a bit confused by the way I am and I am wondering if anyone else is like this or could explain this?

A little background: As BPD impacts relationships, I feel it most in any relationship (friends, partners, coworkers, supervisor, family, etc.). I used to be very close with some of my coworkers and I no longer am. There is essentially a clique of people I work with and they are all very close. They bring new people into their group as well. I work with my best friend and have been at my work for almost 3 years now with these coworkers. My best friend hangs out with them and is so sweet and such a people person. It seems that everyone loves her and she is truly the most wholesome human being. So, they all make plans and I am never a part of anything. I have attempted to hang out with some coworkers that I used to but they want nothing to do with me. I stopped trying to make plans after people made excuses as to why they couldn't hang out with me. So now, I only have my best friend and it's okay because I don't care for my coworkers anyways. For the most part, I find a few of them to be extremely annoying and frustrating so I don't want to be around them any more than I have to anyways. I should add that I am isolated from everyone anyways but that is a whole other thing. 

I am the cause of my own stress. I have a final due tomorrow that I will not be able to turn in on time. I asked coworkers who could potentially cover to help and they couldn't. I get it. It's finals, we are all stressed and no one is obligated to help anyone (though I know they would help each other). We were all once so close and now I am the outsider essentially. Work has been an issue for multiple reasons, one being personality clashes and stupid people. I don't often ask for help, and none of them help when I do ask (though they help each other). They anger I feel is not their fault, but I am so bitter. I take minor things personally though I try not to. Not liking them helps to not take things personally lmao. But sometimes we do get along. I asked for help today and I am desperate. No one could help me. I am passive aggressive when people don't help me when I need it but in quiet ways? Like I asked someone for help and they said they couldn't because their mental health isn't great which I get! But I looked at their message and ignored it. I do this with most people, or I will just say okay. Essentially I will ignore you or blow you off if you piss me off or I'll be really nice if you don't.

Why am I like this? I never considered myself to be manipulative. I'd say that my best friend is my FP and I feel intense rage about certain things she might say or do but I do not EVER express is because I love her and I know the anger is irrational. She is the sweetest person I have ever met and I don't think I will ever have a friendship like this one again. I have hurt her on multiple occasions and just the thought makes me want to do terrible things to myself.

&amp;#x200B;

TLDR; I used to be close to my coworkers and now I am isolated from them. I am never included in anything and I am not part of their clique. When I ask for help with shifts and no one can help, I am passive aggressive about it but not necessarily in a way that is obvious. When people can help me, I am very nice. I switch depending on whether or not people will help me. Does anyone else experience this?