I'd just made dinner and we all had a nice meal and after we were finished I went to sit with the dog in the room next door. My mum and boyfriend started chatting and I wasn't really listening because I was on my phone and thought they would just come and join me in a bit. After a while I realised they didn't know I could hear them because they started talking about me... They both started sharing stories about me and talking about all the ways I was messing up or failing. They kept saying things that I knew weren't even true and were making me feel really horrible. I should have just got up and joined them so they knew I was there but I just wanted to know what they would say if they thought I wasn't there. I wish I hadn't heard it all though, it makes me feel like all the progress I've made is nothing and that my experiences are totally invalid because they obviously don't get any of it at all. I thought they did and I thought they got it and knew how hard I have been trying but they don't at all. I hate my birthday anyway and have been dreading it but now it just feels so much worse.

Its really really affected me and I've been sat on my own crying for an hour. If I bring it up to them they will get upset at me for listening in and overreacting. They'll say I've blown it out of proportion and am making stuff up and I'll feel like I'm crazy. I don't know what to do, I hate myself. I hate feeling like everything I thought I knew was wrong and that the only people in the world I thought cared about me think I'm all of these horrible things.

I wanna do something impulsive but I don't want to prove them right about me... I just want to disappear.