Unfortunately I cannot because of my mom. not ever since she said that the worst thing I can do to hurt her is to hurt myself. The worst part is that she was crying too and I never want to make her cry, she's already been thru too much, I'll stay for her. However these nights get tough man, they really do. I wanna give up some days and just grab a knife from the kitchen but thinking of her tears at my funeral convinces me not to. Just stuck here.