This girl that I’ve been best friends with for over a year plays with my heart and constantly goes back and forth between wanting to have sex with me. It was finally looking good again they were clean, had broken up with their abusive ex and wanted to be intimate again with me but it all just got ruined. I made the mistake of having my homeless friend stay with us he fed her benzos and she started to fall in love with him. I tried my best to keep my cool but I eventually started to lose it and flipped out on him a couple times. We ended up kicking him out and on his way out the door I fucked up big time and pushed him to the ground. She left with him and now she isn’t talking to me. I love her to death but she always ends up hurting me again to the point that it’s unbearable. I can’t get the idea out of my head that there’s no one else who could be that special to me. If there is I almost don’t want to believe it I want it to be her. I’m so lost on what to do my trauma from abandonment is keeping me in a constant state of panic I just needed to share