im honestly so lonely, i have no one but my family to talk to. i left school just after i turned 12 and i was only in year 7 (6th grade for americans) for roughly 5 months, i had my parents take me out because i was relentlessly bullied,  i tried my hardest to keep those friendships i had (some dating back to when i was 6 years old) but eventually everyone stopped caring about me. i don't get anyone wishing me a happy birthday but my family, asking me how my week was, or just wondering how im feeling in general. i have such a poor self image and i cant help but see what my old friends are up to now, it makes me want to die seeing how many friends they have, how much better their lives are than mine, and how much better they look than me. i feel so ugly and worthless because i don't know what i'm going to do when i have to get a job. what am i going to say? i have the education of pretty much a 5th grader (even then i struggled in school) and i haven't left my house since november 2021 because my anxiety is so bad that i don't want to speak to anyone, im terrified of people my own age and my worst nightmare would be having to speak to someone i don't know. i want to die but at the same time i don't because i'm scared and i know how much it would hurt my family, i want to cry so much but i physically cant. every day of my life is the same, i wake up, play some videogames, talk to some people i know online, eat, go to sleep, and repeat that pretty much every single day. i wish i could have friends like a normal 15 year old but i cant bring myself to go back into school, i know id be pushed back several years and i wouldnt be able to cope with that, im such a loser. i dont even talk to my online friends in voice calls because im so insecure about every part of me. i recently lost someone online i knew for over 2 years and our relationship was suddenly over in a split second. i havent socialised in so long that ive actually forgotten how to talk properly and often mumble and speak with a speech impediment which wasn't there up until like a year and a half ago. i don't know what to do with myself but i cant shake the feeling that one day i'll finally have had enough and kill myself, i am so fucking ugly when i compare myself to others my age i don't feel like a person, nor do i feel like i'm living, i'm just there in existence. i needed to get this off my chest