If me offing myself would help you, I might be more inclined to follow through. To me there’s no point to anything. Some of you still have a glimmer of hope. I wish I could help you. I wish I could just take your pain away and keep it where it belongs, in the trash heap that is myself. I wish putting a bullet through my brain meant taking your pain with me to hell. Maybe, this week I’ll finally have the courage to drive as fast as I can towards a tree, close my eyes, let go of the wheel and wrap myself in wood, shards of glass and twisted metal to the point where I won’t be recognizable. Just a pile of meat. I want to jump off a high bridge, close my eyes and just fall. Im sure from the height of the bridge here, the impact hitting the water from the velocity is going to be the same as hitting pavement. But at least I won’t leave a mess and can be food for wildlife. Then there’s days when I remember things I don’t want to. I remember everyone who did me wrong. Then, I just feel like taking them out with me. But, it’s not fair. I’ve suffered all these years. They get instant relief. Then again, when has life ever been fair? It’s crazy isn’t it? How I can want to help people but hate all of humanity at the same time. Some are winners. Some are losers. But all are pieces of shit. I want to help the downtrodden, but humanity in itself is a disease. I’ve felt so much in the past, most days I feel nothing anymore. But then, just as I’m getting accustomed to being numb thoughts keep crawling back in my head. I want to meet my maker… and ask, why?