I have been having dark thoughts every day for the past month. I am already on medication but I still do have them. 

My thoughts revolve around me dying. Whenever I am alone I am terrified, I think that if something happens to me there’s gonna be nobody to help me or discover my unconscious body early enough. When I’m with the wife at home and I go to sleep early I feel the need to have something by my side which I can knock over and make a loud sound in case something happens to me to alert her. 

I feel tired early in the evening around 7 o’clock like I want to close my eyes and go to sleep and that scares me. 

I have already done a full circle of CBT and I’m starting another now. This disorder has been with me since early 2014 and I’m getting really tired of it. I have already changed my long term medication twice and I feel like happiness is a far-fetched dream now.