Hey - I am currently working on some EFT tapping scripts and journaling on my thoughts and feelings. I have not been diagnosed with BPD but I certainly seem to fit into cluster B &amp; BPD. I am determined to smash this... with love, acceptance and direct experience of course...

I also just want to say that what I have written is very direct and somewhat fearless. It can be difficult to do in this manner (and is certainly something I have built up to). I actually read about similar ways to tackle these darker parts of yourself in a book recently and it kind of pissed me off to begin with. Well, actually it terrified me. Now I realize there is nothing for me to fear. These are just thoughts. (I am still scared as I don't know where I'm going or where this will lead but I have a sneaky suspicion that this fear is just my ego trying to keep me locked into crazy town - I have been here for a long time so it's no wonder it doesn't want to go anywhere).

EFT tapping is very effective however from looking online I can't seem to find much on tapping scripts or videos to following along with. Please if anyone wants to add more thoughts they have then please do! I would love to hear them and to see if I can trigger myself with any hot spots. I am essentially using statements like these as a kind of psychological radar or metal detector. I can *really* feel when something has hit a red zone... when I feel it I go right into it.

**Here are some examples I have put together:**

* Everyone is going to leave me - everyone else will succeed in life and I will be left behind with nothing and nobody.
* I don't know who I am and I don't know what I like so how can I possibly make any decisions about anything?
* They must hate me. What is there to like about me? If they say they like me they are lying. It's a trick, just like I am tricking them with my lies and hiding my hatred and nasty thoughts.
* I hate them (usually because they have done something does not fit into the impossible image I have of others in my head. They are not playing as the characters I want them to. They are at risk of exposing me).
   * How could they do this to me?
   * I can't believe they could do this to me. How dare they do this to me? I can never forgive them (more points referring to something that did or did not actually happen - mostly nothing happened).
* I must suffer constantly because I am bad and I deserve it.
* I should be locked away somewhere, far away from all people.
   * I don't deserve to be near anyone 
* I’m not worthy (of pleasure, of feeling good, of the things I like - and I don't even know what these are). 
   * Only other people are allowed to experience pleasure and to have what they want. My pleasure is dirty, perverse and bad. If I experience any pleasure then I must make myself feel extremely guilt and riddled with shame so to make up for it. 
   * \^These are **really** big ones for me. 
* No one understands me (and no-one should have to because I'm worthless and bad. In fact I am evil).
* Everyone is lying to me (and they secretly want to hurt me. There is a plan to hurt me).
* If I make a mistake everyone will see how much of a fraud I am and how I don't care about anything.

Okay that was fun! It is very relieving to me to get these thoughts out. There is a quote something along the lines of '*we are least aware of that which is constant*'.

These thoughts (and more) are constantly ticking away and I never really brought any attention to them because... well I just thought that this thought is here but I will look on the positive side.

Wrong... I tapped on some of these things and it was exhilarating. Painful and scary but then very pleasurable to let these things out. 

I've had moments this year of all of these thought systems and filters temporarily being removed. It was total bliss. I couldn't believe it. I spoke to my girlfriend on webcam and honestly to speak to her without all this crap ticking away - to actually listen to her intently about what she wanted to say. It was amazing. Imagine talking to someone and knowing that you genuinely care about them - there is no awkward voice or feeling of dread, doubt or that they will leave you, the world will explode and everyone will go to heaven and experience endless bliss (but you will survive and be left in a murky swamp somewhere covered in mosquitos because you deserve it). 

I remember years ago thinking to myself that all I want in life is to have a conversation with someone that doesn't involve all of these thoughts and filters. I thought that was quite sad and sweet of me. My goal was just to have a conversation with someone. So simple. 

I've also been taking my situation and acknowledging that there must be a million other ways to look at it. 

**Here's an example:**

**Belief**  
Everyone is going to leave me. I am worthless and I have nothing of value to offer.

**If this were true, how would I act? How would I see reality?**  
I would probably be acting from a place of fear, desperation, racing to get everything done as quickly as possible so that I can be of value. I would likely never be able to relax and I would be in fight or flight maybe all of the time. I think that conversations with others would be mostly me trying to appear a certain way that I think they would want me to appear. I would be scanning my body for normal emotions, latching on and then acting and talking from them so that they can see I am normal.

\^Chaotic af right? It is good to see the structure in place and take it apart a bit. It's not something solid you can never dismantle (although your ego wants you to believe this).

&amp;#x200B;

*Now let's consider that there is at least one other positive way to view this...*

Usually, here I would write something of the opposite and then put some points of evidence to support this. So reasons why I do have value and worth, or that I have nice, supportive people around me who want the best for me. In fact, perhaps they have never hurt me and it is my own thoughts that have created painful stories around them.

I actually tapped the other day on: 'No-one is trying to hurt you' over and over again. It brought me to tears and I could feel a small sense of a breakthrough, almost as though a layer of insanity was dropping. I mean if your default lens to view the world (which has apparently been solid for many years) is being loosened up and dissolving then, of course, there are going to be some strange or uncomfortable feelings from your ego as this changes state (it doesn't want to die! It wants to maintain whatever it is it is being fed from your subconscious).

&amp;#x200B;

*I would also just gently question the previous belief...*

Maybe my previous beliefs were based on fears and do not hold any value. Perhaps there are endless ways to look at each situation, good and bad. I can always find bad, so I can always find good. 

Of course you can tap on all of this...

And actually sometimes writing things like 'I have value or I am worthy' doesn't sit right. It feels fake. So, in this case, I look towards what doesn't feel fake. This could be anything, but it is usually 'negative' if it is not positive. So I can just say out loud and tap on what I really feel (the dark, nasty stuff) and just go to town on it before stopping, taking a deep breath and then trying out the more positive side.

To me this feels as though it is all about resistance and not letting these thoughts and feelings pass through.

Sure there is probably more down in the subconscious and more stuff to break, but really this is giving me a lot of relief! It is crazy to think that you can walk around without an anxious-passive aggressive-'happy'-scowl on your face (or soul). There is a clear way to see things. Your way of seeing is just one in a million.