I don't live for other people very well, I have a hard time being giving. I've given expensive gifts and done last minute planning for little nice things, but mostly I'm just lazy. I definitely try to enmesh but it feels like I do it in a shitty, narcissistic way - like I mirror what they want to hear, but I don't even do the things they want to do with them very much after the first few dates.

I don't have any particular talents, I don't go out and try new exciting things or try on new identities. I just change my social media profiles/names every couple of weeks.

I'm not particularly attractive, or seductive. I can be kind of charming, but its not like I punch out of my weight class very often. 

I couldn't turn my self-splitting into academic or professional achievement like most people with quiet BPD. No perfect attendance/GPA/career-self for me.

Just wanted to get this out. Since getting my diagnosis, this has bothered me a lot. The other pwBPD I've met have all had a special talent, or been incredibly attractive, or just had a way with people. I wish I got some of that instead of just raging and crying inside all the time and blowing out when things get too intimate or stressful.