I don't know exactly how to explain it, but I'm happy? Or at least content. i honestly can't explain this feeling. I used to be a bubbly person when I started high school, then I became 'depressed' or very sad and quiet for a very long time (maybe 3 years of hating myself and hating everyone else)

I've destroyed alot of my friendships and would have taken my life if it wasn't for one of my closest friends/girlfriend, who I've also lost due to my inability to show my appreciation for her.

After her, I had nobody else that knew how i really felt. I would go to school and usually pretend to be okay. But now..... I'm okay? I feel good.

Which really does not make any sense, because it seems as if everything around me is crashing down. Im pushing away my family, grade 12 is KILLING ME, and my parents are constantly putting pressure on me to be an A student.

I feel unaffected by all of mg problems. They dont bother me anymore. I feel as of i only need 'me' to be saved. Now, I'm just..... Uncaring. My fears of being betrayed or being taken advantage of are slowly fading, and its giving me the opportunity to be a better person, or at least be in touch with myself. I feel happy. And I've developed this unexplained drive to be better. I'm talking to people more. I'm mending relationships with my past friends and I dont think of killing myself anymore. Its like a switch just flipped. I feel.... Excitement. I want stuff. I want nice things. And I'm willing to work for it. I want to ascend. But to do that, i need to murder my fears, which I will definitely do.

Idk man. I'm starting to give less of a fuck about being different. I talk to people and everything i say just seems to flow out of my mouth. If they get hurt, they get hurt. Shiiiiii, if they dont like me, I'll be okay. We all goin die anyway, might as well die after doing as i pleased 

I'm gonna save myself. Maybe I'm just egotistical or whatever, but I want power. Power over myself.


Drink ya water, with yo dry ass lips having ass (i see your lip flakes buddy 🗿)


This post long asf. Even I wouldn't read this post