I’m genuinely curious what differences you have noticed. I’m male with BPD, and to describe it, I find myself either angry unreasonably (not violent, just really, really angry and unable to talk) or having to pretend I’m angry because I feel like that’s what I’m supposed to do when really I feel nothing at all.

I have difficulty getting out of bed some days and lash out at people who are just trying to help. It’s like I have two minds at once, one feels horrible and doesn’t want to let people down, the other is just miserable and tells me that they will leave anyway, that they don’t actually care.

I tried to reach out to someone I care for who I drove away and she just blocked me. This makes me feel suicidal, I am not a waste of time but I wasted her time. I wished out loud for her to come back for so long, and when she did, I ruined it. I’m just so miserable that I bring people down, and again I’m of two minds: One side says people should never give up, and I wouldn’t, but the other insults me for letting her down, for not being able to show her that she means so much by improving myself and making it known I’m worth her time. 

What is it like for you?