I started interning at a lab that studies BPD a year before I was diagnosed with BPD.  I was successful and stuck with it, and now have been offered a job there after graduation and a likely path to grad school at this lab (which, again, primarily studies BPD). 

However, since my diagnosis I am beginning to struggle a little. Although I am fine with the more theoretical work and writing projects, clinically related tasks and especially diagnostic related tasks make me really irritable and anxious. I hate listening to a group (the research assistants) go around and talk about patients with BPD and analyze the ways in which they are defective. I find it very frustrating when people tell me "how BPD people are". 

At the same time, I'm also actually jealous when I see case reports of patients who are healthier than me with more "normal" problems and feel resentful of admitting they have problems and it seems to effect my assessments. 

Of course, I also  have some trouble with diagnosing BPD accurately because I constantly rate things like identity way higher than it is supposed to be and then don't realize they have a disorder. 

This is all just making me think maybe I shouldn't be in this field after all. Maybe it's just too tough to work on things too close to home. I don't know how to restrain my irritability and actually feelings of anger towards fellow assistants in the lab when they talk about "my" disorder even though they aren't talking  about me. 

Has anyone else been here and worked on BPD, and did it work out, and how?