Preface: I'm a partner of someone with BPD. He is not in therapy atm (hopefully will change soon) and both of us are just trying to navigate it and learn how to help. 


Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this or just cope mentally? My boyfriend has BPD, and we've been together over a year. We are long distance so that makes it harder. He has never gotten to a point this bad before (externally, I know he deals with this every day) and not been able to snap out of it. He has been distant, unable to be caring and comforting, and unreliable. He knows the way he's treating me is wrong and feels bad, but he can't snap out of it. He has never, ever yelled at me before, and last night when trying to work things out I asked him a question and he yelled (I told him I won't be yelled at and we can talk in a few minutes, hung up, and called back later). He says he doesn't think he can snap out of this until he gets therapy.

Half of me would fundamentally never put up with this and would stop trying. Half of me knows that this is not who he is, that he genuinely cares, that he is trying, and it's not his fault. 

I don't know whether to keep extending affection and love towards him even though I am not receiving any, or to back off. I just don't want this to fall apart. 


How do I find a balance? 