I turn 17 in feb, and it’s scaring the shit out of me. I dropped out of high school in year 10 because of my depression, I could hardly even get out of bed for a year and a half. I didn’t sit my GCSEs, so getting any sort of job is out of the picture; my fear of any type of rejection making it impossible for me to send in applications to begin with. I started collage in September, but dropped out after only a week and a half. It’s not that the classes were hard or I had a problem with any of my peers, I was just exhausted both mentally and physically after having basically no social interaction. Having been almost completely housebound for two years straight. To then be thrown into the deep end with days that started at 4am and classes with complete strangers was just too much. I had seriously contemplated walking onto the tracks on my way home a few times. The final straw that made me stop going was coming home to find my grandma had been in my room- my depression room. It was mortifying and I felt and still feel so ashamed that she saw my mess that I relapsed with my SH. 

The little amount of responsibility I did carry took every ounce of energy I had, and I still failed. What am I supposed to do now that I’m too old to depend if other people? My child benefit stopped when I dropped out of education, I can’t get a job and I’m incredibly close to just fucking ODing. I have no friends, I have no family I can talk to, I have absolutely nothing going for me.
How am I ever going to be a functioning adult if I can’t even get out of bed? I’m so tired. 

Oh and my cat died.