So, I have a bit of a complex history with anxiety, social &amp; GAD, that’s been exacerbated by substance abuse.

I would say my anxiety is quite severe, but not crippling as I do manage to get through day to day with quite a stressful job (though it really does feel like I’m mentally “limping” 95% of the time).

Anyways… I’m ~12 years into my career/field and I somehow wound up in technical / engineering project management. I went to school for MIS and marketing, so I guess this kind of makes sense. 

However, the older I get, the more I’m realizing this profession is pretty much a nightmare for me on the regular — the daily interfacing with a lot of people, including executives; leading calls and just being looked at as the “leader” in general… it’s agonizing. Like on the verge of panic before ~75% of the calls I schedule (and it’s a lot of calls). The level of panic I feel before each call is directly correlated to who’s on the invite, how comfortable I am with them mixed with how confident I am on the subject at hand and direction of the call (the outcome needed). 

That all being said, I’ve worked my way up to pretty much the max title wise (without direct reports, that is) and a great salary + good benefits. 

Yet I feel utterly trapped. I want out so bad, but I have no idea what else I would / could do at this point without completely starting over and, god forbid, getting into a worse situation. I feel like the relief I could get from simply putting in my notice would be incredible, but I would probably be stressed about the level of lack of direction at the same time if I were to do so.

Has anyone else had to navigate this type of situation or can anyone relate? Honestly any thoughts on this might be helpful at this point.