What people don't understand is that my life is great and I will try and keep it as great as it is till I try to end every two to three months. My casual suicide attempts don't have to do with my living conditions but rather the fact that living is completely free of any sense and it's fun to play the game for a while but my higher goal is just to choose a winner and then stop playing aka to die. This means no matter who "wins" in life I will die.

What I mean by my life is great is I have everything I have ever wished and wanted to have at sixteen. I have good grades, nice friends, supportive parents, my own bedroom, I do voluntary work, I have a job and participate in a program for gifted children, I get along with most people, I exercise regularly, my blood values are fine, I eat plant-based and I make an effort for topics that touch me emotionally and morally.

But still, I want to die. I am unhappy and suicidal for most parts of my life. And even though I enjoy keeping up with my living standard and am by now means willing to self-destruct it for any reason my mind keeps spinning around suicide.

The urge to end my life is all time present and worrying everyone around me even though I see nothing wrong with suicide.

Since I have no interest in continuing to participate in something why can't I just stop? Even if it's my own life?