It’s just a little triumph post for me but I am so happy I managed that. I am a sort BPD-in-remission (I am currently on no medication, no therapies, and for the last three years with no major episode). Although through the years I have managed to control and stop the “bad”, I hadn’t been “rejected” in all those three years so today when I did I was so afraid I was going to spiral.

It started with the classics of overanalysing, unable to sleep or eat, thinking this constantly, over-explaining myself and checking their online status and messages constantly. It was almost turning bad at one moment because frankly they led me on and were an asshole rejecting me as soon as they found a new interest/more available party.

I read through some of the posts here, about breathing and telling yourself to let it go. I logged off the messenger app, and deleted it to stop myself, went for a nap because that’s my cooping mechanism and just shouted what I wanted to shout in the mirror.

After that I sent them a nonchalant video half laughing saying it’s all cool and whatever and I told myself this is how my emotional state should be. I should try and be that girl! I am now still struggling with waiting for their response and just struggling to control my thoughts (that part is so tough any copying advice is welcomed) - I don’t think I’ll ever manage to overcome that as a BPD but I am so proud of myself for not spiralling after their rejection and doing things I’d regret for someone who in the end I am likely of no value to.