I have always struggled with social anxiety and never felt comfortable in group settings. The thought of speaking with all eyes on me or the thought of embarrassing myself or being judged makes my heart race and I get a shortness of breathe constantly but I can manage it most the time. Although other times my mind goes into complete overdrive with irrational thoughts when triggered by the smallest thing. 

It happened recently where I got so overwhelmed I ran out the party to try and stop me having a panic attack. In them situations i know I need to be alone to calm down and collect my thoughts as I know from previous experiences I’m not thinking rationally. My girlfriend and friends instantly followed me out and I screamed some awful things at them while running away to be by myself. It’s so out of character for me but it’s happened 3 times now where I have pushed everyone away and it always comes back to needing to be alone after feeling overwhelmed. If I don’t get it, I feel like I am completely out of control and almost in a state of panic?
I have lost everyone from it as it’s happened before but I genuinely don’t think I can control the panic I feel. 

I guess I’m asking if anyone else has dealt with this and what I need to do in these situations of feeling overwhelmed or anyway I can stop it before it gets to that? Am I just a nasty person or can my anxiety make me angry/lash out? My friends do not know about my anxiety and when apologising I came clean but they said it’s me playing the victim and they now hate me which has had a huge impact on my life.