So, my FP is an ex from 7 years ago. We’re on and off and its very toxic, and basically your typical BPD and Narcissist relationship. But i’m literally obsess and have no interest in not talking to him despite what it always turns into so don’t try talk me out of it.  

The problem is we go months - sometimes years not talking. But when we start, I become OBSESSED. I checked to see if he was active on instagram probably 20 times today, posted stories to get his attention, and now I just want to text him a scandalous picture for his attention. 

I’m 25, i’m an adult who shouldn’t be playing these stupid games. I should just wait until he texts me but I swear waiting for that text is consuming every single thought in my head right now.

I also really want to maybe try to not be my regular self by basically loosing my marbles when it comes to every single thing he does… this is super unrealistic of me but I really want to try and make things work out differently this time. 

Anyway - any advice? Or maybe I just needed to get this off my chest. 

I know its a bad idea to even be talking to him again but I can’t help but romanticize it every single time and crave the chaos it brings into my life.