


So I’ve started having excessive worrying since school started. I haven’t talked and made friends with my classmates for 6 months now and at first I was crying about being lonely all the time but on january I finally accepted that it’s okay to be , then my anxieties got lesser and lesser. I was so happy those days I could feel so much joy during those days. I would affirm daily that it’s okay now everythings over now. Then I found out we have to film a short movie for a project, when I heard that from my teacher my head seperated from my body, everyone was talking loud yet I didn’t hear a thing I was lost with my own thoughts, I was suddenly in need of crying everything was so dark. Then my teacher put us into groups, I couldnt say a word, my heart beating so fast and i couldnt stop my leg from shaking.
I didn’t want people to see me like this ,in this state, it’s not me.I couldnt do anything, I felt helpless because everytime I go to that class , I will have to talk to people and it makes me so uncomfortable because i don’t speak their language very well and im insecure.
Then the bell rang i left without a word and went to the bathroom to cry and listen to my music. 
I know in my head that I could do better and make an effort but as soon as for example talking to people, I just completely change to a person who is insecure, lonely and akward. Everytime im reminded that i have to deal through that, I get completely lost in my head not able to concentrate and do basic things.
I thought it was getting better.
Eventually Im gonna have to talk to people to improve my skills of their language but everytime I try to make an effort,it makes me want to throw up my body weak and i would make up excuses to end a conversation very quickly.