i'm a few months into my grad job. i have no experience, i studied an entirely different subject at uni, but it's entry-level and i get to do lots of different stuff, most of which interests me. i love the company, the perks are great and the people are genuinely lovely, including my mentor and my manager. its a wfh position with the choice to go into the office whenever i want to. the pay isn't bad either. the only issue is me. any time i get given an *ounce* of responsibility i break down. i can't cope with stress at all. i catastrophize everything. i quit my last job, which was also a grad job, because i got so stressed to the point where i'd come home in tears every night. i ended up having a full on breakdown and quitting, and after that i went on SSRIs for depression and anxiety, which gave me the confidence to start working again after taking some time out. i'm currently on the max dosage but don't want to rely on them forever.

i was recently assigned a project to lead on, even though i'm only in a grade role, and the whole thing is just sending me over the edge. i cant sleep properly, i can't shut off after work, i can't even do the work without having a full on panic attack. i'm doing the same level of work as a non-entry-level employee, just without any of the skills or experience. i'm so out of my depth and i've made it very clear that i need more support but there's only so much they're able to give me. its consuming my whole life and i wish i could just stop stressing so much but my brain won't let me. i keep bursting into tears every 5 minutes.

honestly when i go through these phases where everything is too much i just want to close my eyes and die. and it cant be normal to stress to the point where you don't want to exist?? i'm not even suicidal, i have so much that i want to live for, but i just get to the point where death seems like the only way to stop feeling so overwhelmed. i guess im just after some reassurance that im not the only one who feels like this?? does it get easier with time or is this just life now??