Hi everyone, my boyfriend's mom has BPD, and with holidays quickly approaching, I wanted to get some advice on what seems to be a difficult topic: not being home for holidays. I would like my boyfriend to fly out of the country for Christmas to visit my extended family, and this would be the first time that he will not be home for Christmas. He is really anxious to break the news to his mom, and I can sense he would rather not go to not deal with the repercussions of not being home for the holidays. He knows this will trigger his mom's BPD, and he knows that his mom will never forgive him for *leaving her* on Christmas day. 

It's super important for me that my boyfriend spends this one Christmas with my family, especially since my grandparents don't have too much time left and I would love for them to meet him at least one in person before they pass. (FYI: my boyfriend and I are in our mid-twenties and own a house together - so I would say we are pretty serious and I'm not sure if this information is relevant)

I'm trying to get advice on how to break the news to his mom, whether it should just be my boyfriend that tells her if we should both talk to her...I'm even considering having my mom join us for lunch so we can all talk about it. It's a really frustrating situation because I can already hear her say "you're just taking my son away from me" or "you're leaving me ALL ALONE for Christmas. the one holiday that YOU KNOW matters to me" etc... I'm trying to be understanding of her BPD, and it's hard, so that's why I am reaching out in order to better prepare for this conversation. Thank you all for your help.