I hear other people with BPD talk of their favorite person (FP), and I had never thought of that being a thing. But looking back through all of my relationships, I see clearly that pretty much at all times, I have a FP. It can be a friend, a partner, or even a stranger I have talked to for a couple days that I admire.

My (F23) favorite person has been my ex girlfriend since June of last year. We broke up around Thanksgiving, but we are still close. I felt the infatuation and idolization slip away, and I was without a FP for a month or so. 

Recently, I have met someone on Tinder, and I wasn’t expecting anything because 

1) Tinder sucks 
2) people suck
3) quarantine for the foreseeable future

but we message every day, send music back and forth, have deep conversations, have a lot in common, and she has agreed to go on a date with me once things settle. 

She is adorable, caring, sensitive, queer, strong, talented, independent, and just all around amazing. I am already finding myself worshipping her before I have even met her in person. I have problems setting boundaries, and have things to do, but consistently am checking my phone to see if she has opened/replied to my messages. 

In my mind, we are already in love and we have our whole lives ahead of us, and I’m sick of doing shit like this—especially when I have things to do and I am decently content being single. I am poly but am willing to reconstruct my whole identity to be monogamous again if that’s what she wants. 

How do you not scare your FP away? How do you set boundaries? Why do I idolize people before getting to completely know them? Help?