I know its a common thing we can have, turbulent relationships. But what about those of us that had a really long term one, where there were signs of insecurity at the beginning but you roughed it out, only to be SEVERAL years in and finally YOU end it on your terms because of X reason.   


What I had was bad and good. Real good at the beginning but then I became bored and our sex life died and we couldn't communicate with each other + other issues which led to me leaving him. I'm wondering if I just assume wrong about bpd and relationships in that usually we are the ones being left first because we arent enough, too much etcetcetc. But what of the cases where we leave them because /they/ aren't enough? I keep repeating and overthinking scenarios and fights we had and this is when I wasnt diagnosed and now I realized I split on him A LOT.   


I guess I was always under the impression we stay until the very very end when we make them push us away. But this time I had enough and I left. I believe thinking this way is toxic in itself. But because of my situation it's making me contemplate if I even have bpd cuz of this. (hello quiet bpd friends)  


Sorry for the rant and my not so eloquent wording, I hope I'm making my point accross to be understood. Just something I can't seem to let go of this morning.