I apologize if this post isn't fit for this sub, please let me know and I'll take it down.

This past year, I was living alone as a college student in my one-bedroom apartment. But, back in October, I was hospitalized for suicidal behavior for several months, leading me to move back with my parents until now. Now, I'm doing better and I'm ready to go back and start my life again. But, I am so afraid, and it's for a kind of stupid reason. 

I was living alone at the height of my depression and, as many of may know how it is, my apartment was totally disgusting. Dirty dishes everywhere, clothes were strewn about, my bed didn't even have bedsheets on it because I was inexplicably only able to sleep on my couch and never touched my bed.  A pretty dire situation. Well, now imagine the state of that place six months later totally abandoned. 

I'm literally having a panic attack thinking about it. I'm imagining a place filled with mold and cockroaches, and having to clean up everything seems just impossible. Plus I have to study. My parents were nice enough to let me stay with them, but they are not really my support system and wouldn't come to my college to help me with something like this. 

I feel stupid for feeling so terrified because of this, and it just reminds me how alone and helpless I am. I feel like I'm going to spiral yet again because of this.

Anyways, thanks for reading.