I have a very Bad Social Anxiety 24M.  I'm struggling each day with unwanted thoughts telling me that I'm not good enough or I won't be able to survive in this world. Some are so weird and disturbing that I choose not to say. I have my mind tell me that i can't communicate with others. My brain is always saying "am I speaking right" am i doing this right? do i sound nervous? am i sweating? and even saying "am i writing this properly to get the message out?  I've lost all my friends due to my anxiety. I've struggled with school and is currently in college trying to finish my bachelors. Everyday i am alone in my room. I live inside my head and feels like everything is closing in on me. I sometimes have suicidal thoughts, but i don't want to actually kill myself. I don't want to hurt my family. I just don't understand life anymore, like........why? I never chose this, i never chose to be born. I really wish i didn't exist. I'm forced to live a life I didn't choose. 

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I'm just trying to survive at this point. life is really really tough.