After being with someone for 5 months, things have been pretty good and ive been pretty stable. But, ive started splitting in a major way - its so frustrating and confusing to feel so in love with someone then feel like im better off without them, almost repulsed by them. I feel like a fucking awful person, the last thing I want to do is fuck with someone else's head. I seem to be convinced one minute that they're doing me wrong, but second guess myself - is it all in my head? I dont even know what actions are right, wrong or justified in a relationship. 

Is it possible for me to even be truly in love with someone? Or is it just BPD infatuation that's inevitability followed by splitting on this person. Sometimes I feel like crippling loneliness might actually be easier than being constantly confused.

I feel like I cant commit to anything (people, jobs, plans, I struggle to even reply to messages). How can you commit to things when the way you view and see things and people is constantly shifting and changing. I feel like I am wading through life confused, unworthy of friendship, unable to make meaningful relationships.

I haven't posted in a while but feeling like my head is worse than it has been in a while. Thanks for reading.