How do i get past seeing everyone else living so effortlessly. How do i be grateful when i see the privileged reality others are living? 

I see people around me with a perfect mom, perfect friends, and I go around in circles in my head. I think about how I’ll never have a perfect childhood, how I will always hate most of my childhood. I wonder if I could have done something different, if I had to suffer so much. I wish I could erase it all and start over. Who I could have been, could I still be her? 

Part of me  wonders if others look at me and think “she’s got it all figured out”. Is it possible that everyone feels this way too, or am I just ungrateful?