I'm just gonna type what i think 

If i was raised by my dad id be like him, which he has social skills, is street smart and can get a lot of women and be cool. But he didn't want me as a baby. 

I am alone and i don't know why, it's obviously me but i must be fundamentally flawed because i think im good enough for social company and good friends but i guess not 

In conclusion: I'm not my dad, which i wish i was because then if be cool and be amazing at conversation, have awesome social skills and would be able to get girls but 

Nope. I'm alone complaining and wishing things were different. I don't hate the way things are i just wish it could be different, for me. I wish i could be what i want without the hard work, because everything just feels hard. There's no pleasure in doing anything and it actually sounds like depression and i wouldnt be surprised

I mess everything up when nothing wrong is happening, i do it and i continue to do it without care. Of course i wish it could change and i could change but it's hard and i become stagnant and indifferent to just everything. Just wish i could be who i want to be, but it feels so hard. 

I just want to be content, to be okay within myself and feel great. The things i do, it feels hard even though it's not and i don't want to do it but its the only way, i feel the need to do it. Does that take away it's sincerity? Anyway I'm lost, i overthink and anxiousness takes away my ability to do a lot, i feel ruined and feel like I'm pulled down under and drowning slowly. 

Why am I complicating this so much? Why can't things just be easy smooth? Why is it so hard for no reason and complicated for no reason. I feel like this alot