So couple days ago, my BPD relapsed which resulted me being me making an episode after 1+ years. This ep resulted in my relationship w my friends. Long story short we were doing a coastal walk and i felt this immense anger in me and decided to just go ahead and leave my friends behind. I felt terrible for ignoring them till i reached the end but it all happened real fast for me. I knew i was wrong, i couldnt even hold my tears while walking but i lost control of myself. Then my “angelic” partner decided to feel bad for me after talking negatively about me during the whole time i left my friends. Obv i felt terrible but I couldn’t say sorry to them yet cz im not ready to explain this whole bpd thing. Couple days later, (me and my friends are ok now), my bf decided to tell me that i lost my conscience cause i dont even feel guilty doing everything. He knows abt this ep and he knows that i dont like losing control of myself. And next thing he said was that ‘ofc i dont want to help you when the first thing u did was blaming me (cz i found out that he talk shits abt me).’ 

And now i am lost of words.  Also i am in waiting for my therapy sess, so i’m better now!