I wanted to post this on another sub filled with the exact people I need help from, but the rules are forbidding me to post there (which sucks and makes me feel even worse about myself but oh well), so I really hope I get the response from people without BPD who are dating someone who has it.

My boyfriend and I had a discussion today. We've been having some struggles lately because of my condition, but today I opened up a bit more. We are currently on the border of staying together and breaking up. I will not go into details, but will edit the post with more info if needed.

I realize it's hard to cope with me, and my state is pretty bad, but I am honestly working hard to make my bf happy and make it easier for him to handle me. I've been doing it for the last month, since that was when we talked about it and it was then when I realized how my condition affects him. I do believe I managed to control myself, and he admits he is seeing the progress. But still, I just can't help having bad days, and it is extremely hard to be okay and keep things to myself when something big is bothering me. Whenever I can handle it I do my best not to bother him with my emotions, and to keep cool, but sometimes I just can't help myself no matter how hard I try.

But why am I exactly writing this. Many times he asked me what do I expect from him. I didn't really know before, but today I managed to put it in words.

I said that I expect him to put some research into BPD, to read some articles, some experiences from other people who love someone with BPD - just so that he is informed. I didn't mean it in a way that he should sign up for a psychology course and become an expert in the field, just to do some google searches and maybe watch some YT videos. Also, I said I want him to go to therapy with me when I start one, I wanted to start about 3 months ago but then the virus showed up and the country went on lockdown. I didn't mean he should do every session with me, I just wanted him to have a few talks with my future therapist, so they could explain to him even more what is it that I'm struggling with, and how he could help. I wanted him to recognize that my episodes will pass, I wanted him to recognize when something is wrong, to listen to me, and ensure me that he loves me and that I have his support. I never meant that he should give me advice or pretend to be my therapist, I just want understanding, love and support from his side. 

I asked him to tell me if that is unrealistic. He said "You are expecting a lot. But it is not impossible." We didn't talk more about it, so I don't know what it means. I didn't ask because it's very late and he had a long day and I want him to rest.

But I am worried about the "you are expecting a lot" part. Is that too much to expect? I honestly hope I get several replies, because I have no one to talk to. If that is too much, I will break up with him because I don't want him to suffer. I can't magically get better. I am not okay. I need help, professional one from a therapist, and support from him. I am in a very bad state and I cannot do it alone. But I'd rather suffer by myself than make his life a living hell. I know that with hard work and therapy I could get better, but I also know it is a long process with lots of ups and downs. If I am really asking too much from him, then I don't want him to be a part of it. I love him and I care about him and I don't want to drag him down.

So please tell me, am I asking too much or is it possible for someone to give me that kind of support on this journey?