I want to kill myself on my birtday. I can't do this anymore. Anytime I make some kind of progress I ruin it. I'm insecure. Selfish. Toxic. I keep starting fights with my boyfriend for no reason. I'm sure he doesn't even love me anymore and is going to leave any second because he's sick of me. I can sense that he's sick of the fighting. But I can't help it. It's like someone takes over. I'm sick of trying to fight the side of my brain that keeps wanting to destroy my life. I'm just going to let it take over and destroy me completely.