I hate living. Living is pain. 90% of the time I feel like I'm wasting my time. I'm not interested in anything. Life is boring. What's the point? Why bother with anything? Most of my friendships feel fake. What little family I had is torn apart. There are so few good people in this world, and God knows I'm not one of them. I hate myself. Only thing that's real is the pain of living and putting up with dumb shit every day. Only thing I enjoy is being by myself at night and forgetting all the pain by immersing myself in a digital world that will never be real. Staying up at night is calming, whenever I'm not thinking about myself, that is. It's like delaying the inevitable. As soon as the sun rises it's time to put on the mask. School really means nothing to me. Education means nothing to me. It's all out of obligation. Graduating from high school this summer, and I have no clue what to do next. My anxiety, financial situation and lack of motivation stops me from even trying to accomplish anything "meaningful" with my life. If I could, I truly would spend my days sleeping until night, and then pretend like everything that's going on outside doesn't concern me. If I can't have that, I'd rather not spend the rest of my days at all. I just want to tune out. Escape reality. All obligations. All responsibilities. All fake relationships. That is all.