My pdoc told me that If I don't improve my sui... thought we're going to change Olanzapine 10 mg+Lamotrigine 400mg to Clozapine and I don't want to have check of blood per 3 months (I think). I just wanna be normal as every person I know, every person I meet, every person as my psychologist. I can't improve my sui... thoughts, It's a thing I can't stop, It's a thing that wants me to k... myself but not enough for do It and I hate It. If I wanna k... myself, so F.UCKING DO IT, STOP TO KILL ME INSIDE ME, I hate It I hate It. Fuc.king pdoc who don't want to put me in antidepressants. Also he hates me because I've smoke pot and take Sertraline 50 mg without his concern, so.. I'm in a deep circle of non choice of other med than Clozapine. Any experience with Clozapine? I'm scared asf UwU y.y T-T