I'm feeling everything and nothing at once. It's a blurr. I've been thinking about it on and off for 6 months, but today it happened. It was sort of mutual, until my stupid ass was like "oh but we can try, you just have to want to try" (which he obviously doesn't want to)

The love and friendshipb was still there, Which just made it worse. We've been together for 3 years, lived with eachother for 2. I honestly stupidly thought we were going to get married, have children and build a house. But that's all shattered.

The pain and regret is unbearable. Just thinking about continue without him feels unreal. I do think we have valid reasons to split (both are unstable, too dependant on eachother in a toxic way, fighting etc) but I so deeply wish/thought we could grow and get through anything. When it's good, which I feel it most often is, it's so unbelievably good. But he run out of patience.

I can't wrap my head around it. I'm single now. He's not my partner anymore. He's going to fall in love with someone else and forget me. He's going to talk about his overly emotional BPD-ex in therapy. The pain is like nothing I've ever felt before.

How can I get through this? It hurts to breathe. I don't want this to happen when I still have faith in what we have, but I know it's the right choice if he doesn't feel the same. I have no idea how I'll ever feel loved and happy again. I'm honestly in hell right now. Any support/advice would be extremely appreciatee.