I keep up on my medicine religiously, I go to therapy weekly,   I meditate, I log my moods, I make sure to get enough sleep, but I still will hurt people I love.  Over and over and over I've hurt people, often because I specifically don't want to hurt people.  I'm so afraid of abandonment, conflict, pain, etc, that I leave out details or flat out lie. In the moment I think what  doing is a good idea, while my rational brain is in the back of my head, screaming at me that I'm doing it again.  I want to break this pattern but I go into panic mode so easily.   Two people I care for are hurting because of me, one will likely never talk to me again.

I'm going to keep trying to get better, but at what point am I just a shitty person?