So I don't really know how to start this. This is my first time posting on reddit but anyway. I have depression pretty bad I have for years. My mom was abusive and that's what kick started the worst of it. I am living with it but it's even worse now. I have chronic pain and no one can figure out why. Everyday I wake up with intense back pain and headaches. Throughout the day it gets worse with ear pain and unexplainable jaw pain where I had my wisdom teeth out. There are days when I have these pains and can't stop from thinking about dying. Sometimes when I'm laying in bed and can't move because of the pain I just sit and think about death. I cry often because it's just making the depression worse. I'm scared of death but I'm afraid the pain will get bad enough that i decide I've had enough.