"when i change, i change for the worse!" 

i didnt realize it until recently but, i cant feel anymore. i knew my symptoms have been progressively getting worse, but i think something inside of me has finally broke. im terrified. i dont want to be apathetic. i dont want to be made of stone. even when my girlfriend tried to get me to open up i couldnt even move my mouth. i want to be normal. i want to be human. i want my empathy back. i want to be able to be vulnerable with the people i love again. how do i go back? how do i pick the pieces back up? how do i feel again?