I’ve made a lot of progress in the last few months. I got a job that I’m finally excited about, I am growing more confident with myself and I’m starting therapy soon as well. 

I just have a weird relationship with a person I’d probably classify as my “FP” and I worry it could lead to my downfall. I dated her for a year and half and she and I “mutually” broke up. (She distanced herself until I became so self conscious that she hated me that I broke up with her.) About 2 weeks later she started seeing someone else and it broke me. I became so depressed, I cried constantly and it even led me to impulsively quit my job because I couldn’t do anything but mope. We still kept in contact though and even eventually started hanging out again as friends too. But about 7 months after my breakup with her, she cheated on her bf with me and eventually they broke up. Now she tells me shes Poly and wants to see me and him both and even other people as well. 

I’m not Poly myself but I can understand someone wanting to do that and I don’t hold that against her but I fear that my paranoia of her leaving again is heightened even more so now that shes seeing multiple people. And I especially get jealous and angry. I have lashed out at her before about it and yet she still wants to see me, idk. 

I still hold onto that resentment towards her for leaving in the first place and even feel disgusted at the idea of her seeing the person she was dating after me but I can’t bare the thought of not having her either, its torture. I’m just not sure if this situation is worth it but I also fear the dreaded loneliness I know will come if I leave her. 

Advice? Opinions? Help?