Why does  mania have to be a symptom I haven’t slept  the last 3 days  I cant do anything right  I’m depressed to kingdom come  when does it end ? Why cant I hold a job know matter how  hard I try.  I can’t adapt to this  I need help but I don’t know where to get it  I can’t talk to  my family  about it  after  they violated my trust  I just feel alone, empty,dead  and worthless  I’m just not happy with anything  my brother is dead because my dad neglected his bipolar and there was no justice I feel wronged  sad depressed angry and I just want it too stop I know  that won’t happen  but am I going crazy  or has bipolar caused my life to get so out of control  that death seems like a better option  than this hell. I am going to go cry  now