I'm terrified, I slept about four hours. I've been wanting to go to my doctor (gp) and tell her about my struggles with depression, anxiety, fatigue and so much more because I haven't worked in four years and I want to reach out finally.
But oh, i feel so damn scared, scared is a euphemism, I feel sheer terror, like I'd be some kind of criminal. Especially because I don't have health insurance (and she doesn't want to take money from me) and also because I wanted to ask about potential disability or something. But I feel I have no right to do so, other people deserve it, not me, I'm not bleeding,I have no serious illness afaik. But yeah, I am unable to work, I have no patience, my mood is a rollercoaster, I have no energy, depression, etc. Well maybe I have some other illness who knows. I also want a psychiatric consultation. But why, oh why do I feel like such an imposter. People are dying of covid, I've been able to survive with my parents' financial help for three years. But I had enough, I want to be independent, to get out of parental symbiosys, I'm almost 40 and the last three years I relied on them and my self-confidence disappeared. Just so tired. Sorry for the rambling.