I just can't seem to kick it. Its been 4 years now. Another day off work. Another piss soaked bed. Another wasted day of puking and shitting. Every time I tell myself that I'm not doing it again, and every time I just end up on a week long bender. I did rehab, but they had no consideration of BPD and I struggled. I can socially drink no problem, I can have a few pints with friends, but I can't seem to kick the alone binging. Drs all tell me this is a form of self harm but I don't know how long I can fool myself into pretending I don't have a serious problem. A year and a half ago I was dragged home from living alone, with my dad having to clean up his grown daughters piss and vomit soaked belongings. Last night he had to do it again. He can't keep doing this for me. I have a boyfriend now and I can't keep passing out on him or fucking him when drunk. I have a job, and my own business. I can't keep missing days off. I am so desperate but I dont know what to do or where to turn. I didn't like AA as I know I have the power to change, I know its going to come from me, but I just don't know what to do anymore.