One is my sister, which may have been a kind of "hey BTW you are probably a little bpd too" warning and the other an amazing friend who I was honestly terrified that would bounce as soon as she heard the word borderline. 

Per usual, nobody responded the way I expected. My sister looked at me and laughed and said, "duh. I know I'm a fucking train wreck. Look at our mom." My best friend said, "dude, the way you grew up, it's completely the most common sense thing you could've ever told me." I was honestly floored. 

Its crazy because when I started talking about the signs and symptoms of bpd and some of the reasons that bpd comes about, it made more sense to me, from a left side brain  perspective. Mom is a narcissist w extreme bpd, bipolar, and has been refusing therapy and meds for years with severe substance abuse issues. As kids, we saw things and suffered abuse that would give a Toni Morrison character a run for their money. 

So left side gets it. But right side, that right side still feels humiliated and ashamed that there is this thing that is somehow beyond me and all powerful and all knowing. It'd the super fucked up Oz of my emotions and brain if you will. Right side kicks left side's ass daily. Left side brain, who should recognize this as faulty logic, no matter what the irrational fear is, is the bitch of the right side. 

So even though I had what should've accounted for a tremendous win today, that  I am not just  my diagnosis and people will still love me...I brought it back to my inability to be better, stronger, more logical, more adept at recognizing how this disease affects me, more "in tune" with reality. If they can see it for what it is, why can't you? That whole thing. 

Sigh...I digress. One day at a time right?

