it’s like a cycle for me. i get a group of friends and become extremely close with them but then as time goes on i ALWAYS find myself on the outside of the group. and i know a lot of it is my fault. i pull away the second i perceive (usually fake) abandonment. i stop going out with my friends and texting people first then wonder why no one makes an effort for me. i’m currently on the outside of my friend group and it’s hard because i feel so alone. i’ve had the same best friend for 14 years and for the first time (besides high school) he’s a part of my whole friend group. but because of that, i feel even more isolated because i see how my friends interact with him and not me and it hurts. i have both bpd and bipolar 1 and came very close to rock bottom this year and felt like i barely had anyone for support. i’ve been trying to go out to the bar less to take care of myself but that’s the only time i ever see anyone. idk i’m rambling but it’s just SO frustrating because i see the pattern. i only have 1 friend left from college because i did the same thing then. and no matter how self aware i am when i’m doing these things, i still can’t stop. i don’t know what to do