I'm stranded on a raft while people drown all around me, and I'm frozen in place with my eyes wide open and all I can do is scream at them to swim faster, or lie and say they'll be fine.  


\*Edit  
I can distinguish between reality and fantasy. It's just so painful to live in either.   
I exist in a purgatory most of the time, somewhere between watching death and creating it.  
And I am so fucking angry at myself for. Not. Moving.