I'm F29 and in my first "healthy" relationship with a sweet, honest, monogamous guy (we've been together one year) after years of basically being obsessed with shitty people and scaring off new partners the first time I exploded into tears. But I'm beginning to wonder if I'm not even stable enough to handle a good relationship.

My life is pretty stable, I have a good job, keep the crazy mostly under wraps around my friends and coworkers but with my boyfriend it's just turned into a garbage cycle. I start to stress just hanging out with him because I worry about being on my best behavior...then I snap and yell at him over dumb shit...then I feel so guilty I dissolve into tears for an hour...then I hate myself for days and am convinced that he's going to leave me.

Recently after a phone conversation that left me convinced he would abandon me for saying the wrong thing, I smashed a framed picture of us, sliced up my leg with a glass shard, deleted all of our conversations on my phone and almost texted an old FWB. I felt like I was in a trance doing it. Of course the next day BF calls me like nothing's wrong and I carefully hid the whole shameful episode.

My BF says he doesn't want to leave me and it's not too much for him but I just feel so guilty about my behavior and I worry I'm going to ruin the only good relationship I've ever had because I can't control my emotions. 