i suppose I’m here to vent because I don’t have anyone in my life I can be 100% honest with about how I am feeling 

I feel…hopeless. I am a lost cause. no matter how hard I try and try and try to get better, I end up right where I started if not worse. Even when I think I’m doing okay and improving, I guess I’m really not. Nobody else can see that I’m doing better but me. I don’t know how many more medications I can try before I give up. I am almost to the point where I am just..done. I do not want to be here anymore. I am clearly a burden to the people around me. I don’t know how to make someone else happy, no matter how hard I try or if I think I’m doing a good job..I’m not. If this is how every relationship is going to go I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to feel so fucking useless and annoying to everyone. I can’t maintain friendships, I clearly cannot maintain a healthy romantic relationship. I don’t know what to fucking do anymore but I’m done and I don’t want to do this anymore. 

if you read all of this, thanks. if not, at least I got this off my chest