I know to the average person this probably wouldn’t be the end of the world but it’s been weeks and I’m still not over it. I can’t get into the whole entire story but I had a threesome with this girl I met off tinder and her boyfriend. Before we met, while we were texting she’d tell me how cute and babyfaced I was, said I was “so sexy” and asked for more pictures saying “I want to see more of your beautiful face.” I met with them for like a first meetup where we didn’t have sex but just kind of felt each other out in order to break the ice. While we’re talking and heading towards the car for them to take me home this girl says to me “and you’re so beautiful too.” The next day was when we had the actual threesome. 

The whole thing was great and some of the most fun I ever had. During the actual sex, this girl called me beautiful and was even like “you’re so sexy.” A few days later she offers to give me some lash extensions (her side hustle) for free and before she starts doing them she says “you are so pretty.” Of course all of this is giving me intense butterflies because I thought she was a very pretty woman and way out of my league. All of this and her general sweetness helped me get so very attached to her.

Though I met her several months ago, we only had sex twice. There was sort of a falling out and we didn’t talk for a while on and off but there were several times we were supposed to do it again. The second and last time we had sex weeks ago, I got the impression this girl was sort of a pillow princess and a couple other things made me wonder if she was even attracted to me, so I asked her. She evaded answering the question but then admitted “I like having sex with you but I’m not that physically attracted to you. I just like a certain type of girl who’s social and a girly girl.” I told her “you called me pretty and beautiful and stuff, were you just being nice. She relied “Like you’re not ugly at all you just don’t do things like get your hair and nails done and I like stuff like that.” So all the nice things she said about my appearance was reduced to me being “not ugly at all.” I asked her why she told me things about my looks if she felt the opposite and she said “because you looked nice with lashes and you have potential.” Ok then.

I just felt crushed because for a while I thought there was a mutual attraction between us. I feel stupid and foolish. Of course someone that looks like her wouldn’t like me. Why would I believe her? But then would did she say it? Her reason felt stupid and kind of mean. She’s the first person to use the word “beautiful” during sex and I really valued and cherished that. It was special to me. But it was all fake. I don’t know if she’s just some horny flatterer or what. I felt thrilled having someone that grown, gorgeous, and well put together find me attractive since I’m more basic and don’t wear makeup and dress super girly and stuff. I even have acne scars and gap teeth. I thought she liked and accepted me as I was.

I don’t understand why she wanted me if she didn’t like me physically but maybe she had a hard time finding a third who wasn’t gonna flake out. She lowered her standards, saw me and then tried to sweeten her offer by telling me I’m pretty and stuff. She has complimented me on my oral sex abilities so I guess that’s what she wanted from another girl. I only swiped on her and matched with her because I was able to see her name under a blurred picture since she was the once who swiped on me first.

The whole thing is making me feel like trash and I’ve self harmed over it and I’ve been tempted to do it again. I want to cry and bleed out when I think about her and when someone else compliments my appearance. I feel so devastated and I don’t know what to do with these feelings. I know it’s extreme but my chest feels so raw and heavy. She said it to me during sex and didn’t even mean it. Then I said it to her and actually meant it. I want to throw up.