After 3 months to the day pretty much of nothing from my fp, they reached out. 

For context - I split on my fp back in July, and then heard nothing from them until a few days ago. It was hell. I was angry and upset and devastated all in one. It was genuinely some of the worst months of my life 

Gradually I realised my part in it, felt awfully guilty and like the worlds worst person, completely unlovable etc, I then turned that into motivation to be better, to try and do some dbt work on my own so I would never hurt anyone else the way I hurt them. It worked. I started feeling better, being better etc. 

I then kept feeling angry at them that they’d broke their many promises of ‘I will never ever leave you no matter what you say or do’ etc. and it hurt I felt so betrayed by them 

There was recently an event we were both supposed to be at, I didn’t attend because I had a lot of anxiety about it, mainly that they’d be there but that wasn’t all of it. They reached out the night before, apologising saying they didn’t mean to hurt me, that they’re sorry, that it’s all on them. That’s the first thing I’ve heard from them in 3 months 

I don’t know how to feel. I’ve spent months blaming myself, using that blame to try and be better etc and now they want to walk back in like nothings happened. I was reaching a point where I could look back on our entire friendship with some clarity and realise both of us weren’t great, both of us hurt eachother etc. I feel weird about letting them back in, at least not until we’ve spoken through things and talked about how we hurt eachother. I’d reached a point there I felt able to finally move on and be okay with never seeing or speaking to fhem again. 
They did hurt me, in so many ways, it’s made me feel kinda insane that I spent all this time blaming myself just for them to tell me they’re the one who was wrong. I can’t see things ever being what they were 

Most of the people around me have said it’s probably not the best idea to be fiends with them again but it’s brought back all the intense feelings I had for them but also in a way , I don’t feel the same about them and I can’t see myself ever feeling that way again and I am so stuck and clueless on what to do here