I'm 20 and maybe starting when I was 13 I started to feel like something was broken with me/ my brain.

If I think there might be something wrong, I should just go to therapy or a psychiatrist right? But then what? If I do get diagnosed with something, maybe try taking medicine, talking about it.  I guess maybe I'm scared bc if im diagnosed with something it will make me feel worse because my parents will think badly of me. Im also scared bc if i am not diagnosed with anything then what the hell is wrong with me??? idk what it could be if I was diagnosed, I feel like it could be depression or anxiety but I also feel like id be considered too high functioning. It also feels like I just want to be labeled with something but also at the same time I feel like i might be an imposter. 

I had once tried to tell/ask my parents when I was 17 that I thought I needed therapy but they had shot me down, basically told me that i just needed to try harder. I feel embarrassed to go therapy. Therapy to me also doesnt really feel like it would help. Its just talking to someone, how does that help to fix me.

Its infuriating bc I feel like i am just doing fine one week and the next I am a mess. I always feel like I am alone but i have friends and family. This month has been really bad for me in particular, my thoughts are all over the place and have been extremely self-degrading, obsessive, and violent. I just feel like crying and crying and trying so hard to not think about about hurting myself, think about other people, the past, think about how useless, lazy, and unmotivated I am, trying not think of anything at all.