So I've never posted on Reddit before, but I've been a long time lurker! My reason for posting now is because there seems to be a huge community of people with BPD and their partners on here and I really need some advice. 

I'm 21 and my partner (27) and I think I have BPD. I have been with my partner for a year and 3 months roughly. He is the most loving, gentle, understanding person and I love him with all of my heart. 

We currently aren't quarantining together due to living separately. I've been having a rough patch this last month or so and it's been escalating to self harming again (for the first time in over a year at that point, one of the few times I've made it that long since I started at 14) and I was getting severe suicidal thoughts several times. I'll add here that even though I'm calling this a rough patch, it's been fairly consistently like this with severe dips of depression (not getting out of bed, sleeping excessively, not taking care of myself or going to uni), and having PTSD symptoms from an abusive relationship, for around ~6 months(? Sorry, my memory is really poor regarding time. (Dont know if it's also worth adding that the dips tend to last half a day to a few days before it passes and I can enjoy the sound of birds singing again!)) It got to breaking point with my suicidal thoughts and he came over to visit two days ago, which has helped massively. 

When he came over, I don't really know what prompted it, but I just googled the criteria and read it out, asking him if he thought I matched any of it. I've had my suspicions for several years, but always felt ashamed and could never bring it up because I thought I was just overreacting. He was surprised when I read it out, especially the bits about emptiness, believing im a bad person inherently, rapidly cycling between suicidal thoughts then feeling okay a few hours later, not coping with feeling alone (this has been a huge trigger recently with the lockdown and living apart). In the morning I was reading something out about DBT and how it is based on the idea that emotions were dismissed when you were a child, and he laughed thinking I was joking and just adding in bits of my own experience. So we strongly suspect BPD... 

He left yesterday and I spent the best part of last night reading on here reading about relationships and people with BPD. It sounds horrendous and I'm terrified. I know the stigma is huge, but there are whole forums here for people traumatised by their relationship with someone with BPD and I'm petrified of my partner ending up in that situation. It would be my worst nightmare come true, hurting him is my biggest fear. 

So, again, more specifically this time, my reason for posting is two questions. TLDR; just read these!: 

1. Can I still be in this relationship? Would the kindest thing to do be to break up with him? (I've suggested this before, knowing I've not been healthy and worrying about it negatively affecting him and he's been adamant that isn't what he wants. The thought of not being with him absolutely crushes my heart, but from reading on those forums I'm questioning what is actually real (Am i just "love bombing"?) and I just feel like a monster who no one should be around.) 

2. How can I get help? My GP is phoning me next week to check in after reaching out for help with suicidal thoughts, should I mention this then? Will she be able to help me access treatment such as DBT, which it sounds like I need? 

I'm sorry this is so long, I just wanted to be as thorough as possible. Thank you in advance for any advice anyone has xxx