Hello,

A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with BPD. He's my closest friend, and we've been friends since we were young children. We're in our early 30s now.    
The diagnosis doesn't come as a surprise to me, I suspected that he had BPD based on difficulties he's had in the past. I don't know how much detail is relevant but I'll try to use only salient information here.      

He's been affected by some things in his life, an ADHD diagnosis + medication regimen at an early age, the loss of his mother in his early 20s, and most recently, the end of a years-long relationship.   
The breakup happened roughly 2 years ago, but he has explained to me, with a very promising clarity, that he is only now grieving, that he's suddenly aware that until now, he has not been feeling emotions. He has cried for the first time in years. It's really hopeful for me to see, because he has never been able to open up emotionally or talk about things.    

Despite this emotional breakthrough, he has been very low, talking suicide for the past couple months, pushing his friends away, very hopeless talk. Yesterday I visited him for the first time in a while and, as life-long friends, we had a wonderful time. He spoke to me about his feelings and opened up to me for hours, which was a breakthrough, his perspective (when not hopeless) is very sober, clear, healthy, but he can't seem to shake the regret of the end of his relationship, which he feels (and more or less *is*) responsible for.     

I do not have BPD, but I have read a lot about it. My mother has it.  I've spent lots of time listening to my friend, sharing advice, knowing that the things I say are probably largely ineffective, but I've focused on validating him, on acknowledging him, and making sure that he knows that I understand him and am listening to him.    

After I went home last night, he texted me saying that he felt really good and he was so grateful for our friendship, it was nice, although I know that he's not out of the woods yet and that progress is never linear, but zig zags, bad days happen, good days happen, etc.    

Today, he is back deep into his self-hatred, his regret, etc. I've acknowledged him, I've told him that what he's feeling is what he should be feeling after a breakup, it IS sad, feeling sad is what a person SHOULD feel after a sad event. But he continues to say he's giving up and that it's hopeless.    

I had to finally tell him -- I am here for you, I will be with you every step of the way, but I can not do it for you. It is very hard for me, naturally, to accept what I can not change. I love my friend very much and it hurts to see him so stuck.      

I want to know, can I do more? People with BPD -- what has helped you? What gives you hope? I don't want to have some saviour complex, but I also want to help my friend.     

thanks for listening.