I can’t do this anymore, if anybody went through my life for 1 day and my constant negative thoughts about myself and my life they’d probably want to kill themselves too like I do now. Everyday feels the same, just going through the motions and living on autopilot. I hate the way I look so much I even tried to dating apps to see if I’m attractive and every girl I matched with either never responded or convo went dry. I even had girls call me mid and troll me 😞. I even had this 1 girl call me “too skinny” though I was anorexic last year and I’ve put on 30 pounds and nobody ever seems to notice because I’m tall and I still get made fun of for being skinny from girls and everybody in my life. The only thing that gets me through life rn is the thought of me gaining weight and putting on muscle which is my main goal. I also just came to the realization that I might go bald and I’m just 20 years old , the only thing I actually liked about myself was my hair and now my hairline is receding a little and it makes me wanna fucking shoot myself. I constantly compare myself to others and always think “why am I me” “why couldn’t I be someone else” it really kills me on the inside. I’m also naturally a quiet person so whenever I talk I speak low so whenever I’m in social situations nobody even bothers to listen to what I have to say and makes me sad. And when people are listening there Is no interest and they just talk over me. I have a hard time talking to strangers and speaking in general and It makes me so annoyed with who I am. Life sucks and this is why I don’t believe there is a god, and if there is …… this is my hell.