this is such a weird thing to share, but has anyone else out of nowhere gotten really anxious over a family members presence for no reason at all? bc that's me with my brother and its actually driving me insane. like its causing breakdowns bc i dont want to feel like this anymore!

but basically my older brother's presence scares the shit out of me. him just being in the same house as me (which is hard to avoid since we live together) fills me with dread. i dont know why...we were fine when i was younger. l even liked hanging out with him, but in 2019 when we had to move in together bc of financial reasons...i all of a sudden started getting anxious bc of him.

maybe it has to do with the fact weve all gotten sick of each other and i have overheard him on multiple occasions talking shit abt me. but still i dont think that warrants me actually getting scared of him? 

like i dont know how else to describe it besides he makes me uncomfortable and it actually fills me up with dread to the point ive physically dry heaved when he (and his friends) are around me while drunk. and its not like i have a real reason for this fear? he's never done anything to me. and i lock myself in the room so they can't bother me. but the dread is still there. irrationally

i thought maybe it was just a phobia of drunk men in general? but recently i stayed with my older sister and was around her extended family (strangers to me) and it did not make me that anxious when they got drunk. nowhere near the extent my brother makes me...which ik doesnt make sense bc i literally am blood to him so its like ?? why do i get so scared ? not like he'll do anything to me. so the fear of drunk men is pretty exclusive to him and his friends..

but its getting unmanageable and im stuck here w him until i can figure out a better living situation and living with this dread is making me seriously want to do something drastic. and i dont even know how to bring it up to anybody without it getting weird? i just dont know what to do...like he is always drinking w friends at the house at night and i cant leave bc i have nowhere else to sleep so now im just staying up all night bc of the anxiety, i legit cant sleep out of fear when hes here.

i wish i could just snap out of this fear like i dont know why this developed. i used to be fine w him,,,we werent close but at least i wasnt scared and i want to go back to that.