When I moved in my first appartment with my boyfriend, I was working the nightshift at the hospital and was extremely sleep deprived, which made my anxiety fire up. The place we got turned out to have a massive problem about it that fucked my anxiety even more. Took three months to fix the problem. I was sleep deprived and as anxious as I could be. Probably the worst period of my whole life.

Im still at that place now, the big problem is fixed but there's still smaller issues that makes me want to move. But the first move was so bad, everytime I'm about to make the decision on a new place is a huge anxiety crisis where I cant bring myself to do it, and I obsess and cry over it until I decide I won't do it. The first time was so bad, even though I hate it here, I cant bring myself to sign on a new place because I'm so scared. It's the same thing over and over .

There's a very nice appartment I could lease right now. I should do it, take the risk of trying, but I just cant fucking bring myself to do it. Iit's the same thing everytime. If I bail on this one, I'llbe even more anxious next time. I'm so tired of being broken.