I was doing so well lately. I’ve been able to function so highly that I thought I was better. My best friend overdosed earlier this week and it’s all I can focus on. This entire week I didn’t even respond emotionally, it’s like it didn’t feel real. I’ve avoided him for a year+ bc I was trying to stay sober. I knew if I talked to him I would drop out of school and move in with him and just party. 

We met in rehab when we were 15. We were best friends instantly, I was self harming at that time and he was the only one I felt cared about me. He was the only other one there that could be suicidal and still try to make others smile. We eventually left rehab and got onto some serious shit. I blocked him bc I blamed him for me getting on he**oine. A month ago I started talking to him again. He seemed so happy to hear from me and wanted to everyday. I haven’t had a friend in years so that truly was an amazing feeling. At some point he told me to move to North Carolina with him. He knew I hated school and needed a break. I knew I’d do it if I kept talking to him so I stopped responding. 

He kept calling me everyday and I didn’t even think to respond bc I thought i was doing the right thing.  

Earlier this week I found out he overdosed on fentanyl. Apparently 2 weeks ago he od’ed so he was moving back home. One of my old friends said that he told him he od’ed on purpose. Then this week he od’ed and died at 21. 

I wasn’t even sad when I found out. I couldn’t stop thinking about him but I couldn’t cry. Tonight the day before the funeral I can’t stop crying. I can’t do anything. I’ll probably delete this but I wanted to get this off my chest