I have been dealing with a lot lately and I have  always struggled with depression. I was married, am in the process of divorcing, came out as a lesbian, and dealing with joint custody and being away from my kids more than I have ever been. I am in a new relationship which is so incredibly filling and at 36 I finally feel like I know what love is. I feel loved unconditionally. I am working on myself and trying to be better for myself and for my partner and for my kids.

But there are times where I question everything or find myself unworthy of her love . There are days where I feel like I made my kids lives harder. There are times where I feel like I ripped my whole family apart— my mom won’t come for holidays or events because she doesn’t condone my new relationship but swears she still loves me and still loves my kids ( she babysits three times a week when I have custody of my kids). Only 90% of my family and friends know and/or are okay with my life decisions.

I’m adjusting to coparenting but also having two teenage step kids. Most days I’m fine and take anti-anxiety meds to help myself cope, but there are days or weeks where it becomes overwhelming. I feel like a shell of a person and isolate myself and don’t want to let anyone in. I pushed my partner so far away  two weeks ago that I almost broke us up. I can’t let it go that far.

I’m in therapy and see a psychiatrist and I don’t know what else to do to help myself cope.