Title is hard to come up with. But does anyone else ever feel like our illness and the highs and lows make us come off as impossible to get away from? Like people come back despite the bad because we manipulate without really knowing it? Or rather we’re just so fascinating people can’t stop? 

Basically, me (f24) and my partner (m23) have had a pretty rocky relationship. He’s my fp for sure. We dated for a few months, and the last 3ish months we’ve just been together without the title. Committed to one another completely, and spend all sorts of time together. The main thing that ended our relationship is my splitting when we argue, and honestly just the way I argue all the time as a test to him. You know the “I’m going to push him away and see if he stays” kind of arguing lol kind of confusing to explain, because we are still in a relationship, he just doesn’t want to title it because of my lows he doesn’t see a future with me. Which is valid honestly. 

We had an AWFUL falling out a couple of weeks ago, as in he was done done. Didn’t speak more than maybe 5 words to me for a couple of weeks. I continued to blow him up, and honestly I never gave up on it. Still shocked he never blocked me, it was that bad. Which is why I was surprised when he reached out randomly last night. 

He told me he missed me and he came over and we did our usual and we’re fine again. He told me the highs are so high, and the lows are so low, so it’s hard for him to handle it emotionally. Completely valid! 

Maybe this is a rant, or just talking to the void, but I genuinely want to know if anyone else feels like they just have SOMETHING about them that makes people unable to walk away. Of course, it feels good when people stick around! But sometimes I wonder if they do it for reasons other than just caring for me, because sometimes I’m shocked they stick around because I can truly be awful. 

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, several relationships in the past have been similar in the sense that I continue to fuck up HORRIBLY and things go south, but they always come back several times before we officially stop. 

TLDR; am I the only one who wonders why people continue to put up with our awful actions sometimes? And why people stick around even after the worst of the worst?