does anyone have any tips for self managing bpd ? i know the only thing that’ll really help is getting professional help but that unfortunately isn’t a option for me at this moment . i cant figure out how i can control anything in my life. i just want to feel content . i’m constantly knocked down by waves of emotions and feelings and it’s literally painful . i can’t sleep at night because i have nightmares about being abandoned by my bf / or someone causing me harm, i literally wake up uncontrollably crying almost everyday. my dreams feel so real it’ll make me so messed up that day. i’ll be paranoid af and lash out at my boyfriend. he’s so amazing and i love him so much but it’s literally impossible to trust him ( as i don’t trust anyone ) and exhausting . i hate having to be okay with things i’m not &amp; give him trust i do not have . it’s shameful but i can NOT handle when he is with anyone other than me . i get so angry and say terrible things to him and my loved ones leaving me feeling like garbage for acting that way. i wish i knew how to trust that he won’t cheat on me or leave me and i wish i didnt feel the need to make me the only human in his life. 

i also wish i wasn’t so dependent on alc&amp;weed. the only time i feel “ normal “ is when i’m drunk af . i’m
not as paranoid , i’m as not mad , i’m not as sad , not as many intrusive thoughts . it’s hard being sober. yesterday i was sober all day and i was going through it already and i had to run to the store but i couldn’t find the shoes i wanted to wear out and it set me off even more. i started crying so bad and i punched my dresser and nearly broke my hand and now i’m sitting here with a hurting hand because i am irrational , cry&amp; get mad over the dumbest crap . i’m just so tired of feeling this way and living this way everyday .thanks for reading this far.