Hi Everyone,

This message is not meant to offend anyone or bash my ex fiance with BPD. I am purely here to learn because I no longer want to enable my ex which I have learned through therapy I have been doing. 

We ended things 11 months ago and my heart is broken. Our breakup came out of nowhere. However; learning more about BPD by reading posts, books and articles it seems pretty common when a fear of abandonment is triggered. 

Over the past 4 months, I tried to maintain a friendship with my ex fiance. However, it was becoming more and more apparent that she was using my friendship and generosity for when it worked only for her benefit. I wasn't getting anything out of the friendship, everything was on her terms. * I want to specify by 'getting anything' I do not mean sexually. I just mean she was not treating me like a true friend. *

I made the most healthy choice for me to explain to her in the most compassionate way possible that we couldn't be friends anymore and it was too painful and it would only get harder. 

This only seemed to fuel her need to see me, she keeps begging to talk to me, to try and fix our friendship. I try and explain there is nothing broken but it's just not healthy for the two of us to be these BEST BUDS she wants us to be. Besides, I know she has someone new.  It's all too painful. 

I figured this would be a better perspective for me. I feel like I have looked through other subreddit's and it was a lot of angry people bashing their SO's or Ex's. I'm not angry, I'm just sad. 

Why does it seem like now she can't do without me when before she could so simply give or take me unless it was convenient for her? I feel like now shes doing anything and everything she can to get me to see her.

Yes, I want her back. I want more than anything to be the guy and person that is there for her. To prove to her that I am not going to abandon her. 

However, I feel like now she only wants me because I in some way rejected her. I do not want to manipulate her back into being with me. I don't even know if she really wants to be with me or she is scared of losing my friendship. I'm so scared because I feel like this is one big game and I love her too much for our relationship to be a game. 

