20F with extensive childhood trauma (until age 18).  Been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder for most of my life and Depression at 18 but experienced symptoms way before than.  Now, I have a studio apartment, a full time job and a new bf.  I try not to speak to my parents as they have what my therapists calls ‘brainwashed’ and neglected me.  And continue to be the most negative thing in my life aside from my own mind.  I have no one to turn to and it’s starting to affect my work.  I’ve been at this job for 2 months and already have 5 occurrences (points for calling in without pto) which puts me on probation.  I can’t lose this job.  My bf wants to stay with me but said he worries for me.  I don’t think I’m good enough for him and I’m having some slight thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore. I’ve told my boss about my mental healthy struggles and began to utilize my company’s resources but nothing can change fast enough.  For probation, it is 180 and I cannot miss a day without using pto.  For some reason that sounds extremely difficult.  I have so many interests and coping mechanisms but my life constantly feels like choosing between taking care of myself or being a responsible adult.  My job is also extremely easy and the work only takes me 4 out of 8 hours of the day to do so I sit in my car for the rest.  I can’t have it easier.  I don’t know what it wrong with me or why I can’t get it together and I’m scared for my future. I also like my bf a lot and he marks every box but I’m scared to push him away.  Apologies for this being all over the place I’m currently at work.  Some advice would be really nice.


I would like to add, I do have a therapist and regularly use the Warmline.  I think I’m just broken.