I (25F) really struggle doing things i enjoy. going for a walk, drawing, reading, learning etc. I don't bother starting because things require action and focus. When it comes to walking i just couldn't be bothered because i'm comfy at home even though i know i need physical activity. 

I at times feel despair, a longing for something else, something more. My outlook on my future is somewhat bleak because i don't think i'm particularly good at anything enough to be good at a job and earn proper money. I want to study something like early childhood but i don't know if i have the right personality or the brains for it, to be an early childhood eductor. I wanted to do something within the community services realm (i am currently an anged care worker)  but i just don't think i am insightful or a strong enough personality. Like an authoratative figure. . So i guess you could say i have a low self esteem.

I get quite lonely. I have a good friend but he has just moved away plus we are not very emotionally close so i have a hard time opening up. The one friend i had that i could open up to i've distanced myself from after a situation that made me uncomfortable. So yeah i feel lonely a lot and yearn for friends or family. 

I still love and enjoy my life though, i have hope and i remain optimistic mostly. It's the complete lack of motivation that fucks me over and makes me question whwther i have depression but i've veen this way since about 10ish. Hard time starting things and seeing them through. 

If anyone could share their insights i would really love that. Thank you