I started maybe 2 and a half years ago and I've often tried to quit but I can't. it's a way to dull the mental pain. if it's not mutilation it's drugs. I'm afraid of being alone with my thoughts. I poison myself with my dark thoughts. I feel like I'm drowning and I feel horribly alone. I don't have a particularly close friend and I have a deplorable family situation which makes communication difficult when it comes to depression. I always felt like I was just a witness to my own life. it's like being out of step with my body. I feel bad about myself and I'm still imagining myself leaving. leave everything and start from scratch on the other side of the world. I've been assaulted, threatened, harassed, abandoned and the second I'm alone all those things come to the surface and the only way I've found to silence them is mutilation.