I work at GPS as a receptionist and I'm experiencing a lot of anxiety tonight. I don't think I would have made a good Dr. My mom died of breast cancer when I was 16 and I helped in much of her care. My father grew desperate and didn't know how to "save" her. My sister was 7 at the time. I cried for a few days after she passed and then I had to man up and be the calm one because my dad was basically losing his shit and didn't know how to deal with my sister and her own childlike way of acting out and dealing with things. He became suicidal and along with his bipolar going off the rails he became manic depressive and couldn't sleep with the aid of anything a Dr prescribed. I had to lie in bed with him while he shook from fear at night and hold his hand because he believed god was going to punish him for not being a better husband and kill him (while being suicidal himself.) I called in other family members and eventually we all got to a better place emotionally. Anyhow I now work at Drs rooms with two other receptionists and I am always the one who gets myself into the more urgent care situations. I helped a man who looked blue and was fainting get into the wheelchair and watching as his head fell back as he gave out his last breath. The Dr tried putting him on oxygen and giving him a shot of adrenaline but there was no reaction. Myself, Dr and driver had to lift this man who was dead weight at this point into the car and get his driver to drive him to the hospital. By the time they got there he was declared dead on the scene due to pulmonary embolism. I was calm and collected. It bothered me afterwards but I got over it. A while later there was a lady who's appendix was about to burst and I was the one holding her hand and helping her arrange a taxi to take her to the state hospital as she was not on medical aid. She cried because her father recently passed and her boyfriend "couldn't" take her to hosp as he was "in a meeting". Not even her sister cared enough to help her and her mother is elderly. Today there was a lady who we also had to put on oxygen. She looked fine but came to the Dr complaining of being very tired lately and of a wheezy chest. Dr put her on the nebulizer and shortly afterwards she could barely keep her eyes open. She was awake but hardly able to speak. Dr phoned the hospital to arrange to get her admitted while I sat with her making sure she was ok. I took the initiative and asked if there was someone I could phone for her. She unlocked her phone so I could phone her partner. I phoned her partner and said I was phoning from the Drs and she was being arranged to be admitted. He said he would be there in 20-30 minutes as he didn't work close by. Dr came by and I told him the partner was coming and Dr said we don't have to phone for an ambulance as he (partner) could take her to hospital. The admission was arranged and letter written for it. I sat with this lady making sure she was still breathing. She tried to sit upright but looked like passing out and I barely caught her. Partner came maybe 30 min after the call and I helped take her to the car in the wheelchair. Thing is I don't know if I should feel guilty because I do. Dr said he thought it might be her heart. I think I looked the picture of calm and composure all throughout because I know how to handle stressful situations and keep other people calm since I've had experience in my own family when everyone was losing it. I feel guilty because I don't know whether I should have let her wait the 30 minutes till he came or whether I should have insisted he was going to take too long and we should call the ambulance instead. The ambulance would have been quicker. I don't know how this lady is doing and its really bothering me. While she was on oxygen I could see her toes going from blue to a normal color. Am I over analyzing this situation? I'm just so scared I made her wait too long. I always try and handle these situations, but this one is bothering me.  Maybe I'm just in a bad state of mind.  I'm only a receptionist and not trained for these situations.