I avoid relationships romantic or otherwise because I’m terrified to hurt the other person. And just as I let my guard down and got comfortable with someone I did something horrible. I didn’t mean to, but the damage has been done and there’s not anything I can do to fix it. I feel horrible. I feel scared. I can barley even talk to him anymore, the shame I feel is suffocating. He’s hurting so much and all I can focus on is myself and how I feel. I want to help him someway somehow but I don’t know what to do. I feel so lost. 

I feel like I should never have any kind of relationship ever again you know? That I’ve proved to myself I’ll never be a good person so I should stop weighing down the people I love. That I should let them go before I hurt them, or hurt them again. 

I just wish I was a good person. And I’m trying, I really am trying to get better. I’ve been working on myself so much lately and trying to improve every aspect of who I am. But it wasn’t enough. It’s still not enough.