I'm so fed up of this.  I started seeing an ex again, casually and I'm back to being dependant.  He hasn't replied to my texts this evening about maybe coming up tonight and my anxieties through the roof. I've had to grab a few cans to try and ease it, but I know it won't do me any good. I know we're just a casual thing but I've become attached again?? 

I had been off drink for a few weeks and now I'm back on it. 

I recognise the pattern but can't change it.

I see my psych tomorrow, I wanna talk but I can't see it doing me any good. I've been in out and of services for 12 years and nothings changed. 

I'm fucking sick of this shit and just wanna curl up in a ball and disappear. 