I honestly feel living is more harder as days passes by. Like doing daily normal tasks becomes an obstacle for me. Even tasks like thinking or even jumping out of the bed. I can’t stay focused for more than 4 mins and just start to think about holding my phone and just sit down and do nothing. When I sit at my phone I keep surfing through my direct messages hoping someone “out of the blue” would text me and connect with about topics that I AM interested in. I lack the sympathy for others and hatred is stumbled upon me.


I seek attention and validation. And by that I mean when I post something on Instagram or Twitter my pure intention of doing it is just to get a comment or reply about it “I believe whatever I post is distinctive”. I hate myself so much for such thing but I really can’t think of what to stop it other than forcing myself. 

I Keep on checking that “girl” chat every 10 mins hoping that I will get a random message or a proper reply to my messages


Going to the gym and lifting is becoming harder and harder day by day (I’ve been lifting for almost a year so it isn’t that lack of strength) I find it hard to complete the 1 and a half hour at the gym, I just want it to pass by quickly (same goes with every task). I started to skip more days and skip usual daily stuff that I should do.


No matter how much time I spend trying to educated or improve myself I find it hard to do it for more than 5 mins (literally almost impossible) I spend the entire day trying to do it but with no proper amount of effort. 



I’m really sick of this. And what I said isn’t a “seasonal” thing. It has been like that for almost 3 years.


I am desperate for answers and help. Please people if you do take me seriously share me your answers