I don’t think I’ll ever have sex, ever again. I just got my period. 3 days early, and this time it was an udder surprise because honestly, I had suspected I was pregnant. I had fucked this guy I had just met on tinder, I went to his house, drank heavily, and then fucked him multiple times, unprotected. (I did go get tested) fast foreword a week, and it dawns upon me that I may be pregnant now. I already have a beautiful, almost 3 year old son who takes up all my time. I’m a crappy, burnt out, “stay at home mom”...which is really

“My baby daddy left us, so I live with my grandparents with my baby and they support us 100 %, because I have no job or car or license”
I’m a sad excuse for a human being I know.

So I thought I was pregnant, was actively freaking out for the past 3 weeks since the sex happened...literally heart beating out of my chest all day, no sleep, no eating, shaking, delusions..extreme stress. I literally phone up my cousin, she says if she has to, she will drive me to the place to get an abortion, if I have to. I was never pro choice until this happened. I had a baby. I never once thought of abortion. But the thought of having ANOTHER baby??  Now?? My son still sleeps with me every night. My body aches and my stomach has horrible stretch marked scars that are just NOW fading, I lost a ton of weight this year and to think that it would be all for nothing. To cram a baby into the tiny room we already both sleep in.. to take the little energy I have to mother my son...and to split it between 2 babies.. I couldn’t. I can barely even take care of myself. I’m lucky if I can make myself shower 3 times a week. My pregnancy with him was awful. I was sick the whole 9 months. I developed preeclampsia. We both almost died. I couldn’t do it again. A newborn. Breastfeeding. My son I already have, still doesn’t even sleep through the night. 

Here I was today, planning an abortion for a pregnancy I wasn’t even sure I had. Went to go pee. And bam. I was bleeding. What a fucking relief. I felt my rapid beating heart slow a bit. A slight amount of calm lifted me up a bit. What a fucking relief. A thousand images pass through my thoughts. I don’t have to sit and wonder anymore. I don’t have to go through with this. I don’t have to get an abortion. I was never pregnant. I don’t think I ever want to have sex with a man ever again for the rest of my life. I would rather just not. Then to wonder this again.