It hurts so bad y’all. The constant self loathing, fear of abandonment, anxiety, heavy depression. There’s just this dark storm cloud hanging over me at all times. I’m self aware enough to know it turns people off. That’s why my messages are left on read and I’m ignored. 

People don’t see “A hurt human struggling” they see “A petty bitch”. 

And from an outside perspective I am a petty bitch. 

My personality is so engrained with BPD I feel everything I feel and experience is invalid. I’m living in a BPD world and therefore my reality is tainited. 

My brain is so mixed up I struggle to put my feelings into words. 

Slowly working through the DBT workbook. 

Does it get better? 28f. First suicide attempt I was 13. Was always told it would get better. 

Does it get better? 

PS reading the first rule of this sub “everyone is welcome” ...Bless. I have felt so damn excluded this last week... Reading everyone is welcome... BLESS.