ive noticed, since my last and first episodes, I haven’t experienced any happiness or purpose since. I take my medicine everyday and my day by day looks pretty similar to my life before my diagnosis. The only difference is, I feel nothing. 

it’s kinda beat me to the core. To the point where my personality has truly changed. I lost so many great friends and just people who I didn’t ever expect to lose contact with. I’ve become incredibly uncomfortable with myself in all realms. 

Unfortunately, my most traumatic episode was right after I started to gain true confidence in myself and began to live for myself. It’s caused me to feel afraid of my potential and confidence. I keep life really simple now. I try to stay in contact with friends but I truly stripped my substance really as a trauma response. I’m still really young (20) but I’ve kinda made up that I’ve experienced my prime and now I am being forced to exist. I truly don’t feel depressed, just existing.

I wanted to create this post because when I go through this community post, I often see pictures showing really high happy times with opposite depressive moments. I truly think I’ve been traumatized to the point where happiness scares me so I’ve turned incredibly neutral and just present.