I’m in a low point. I’ve had anxiety since I was a little kid, like seven or so. I’m 22 now. It feels unbearable. I can’t move through this bout of lowness for some reason. I struggle with finding hope and reasons to keep moving forward. 

I think grad school admission cycles are triggering this. I felt the same way when I applied to college. I feel unsettled because I cant make the decision of what school I’m going to go to and I have to wait for others to decide for me. I’m tired of waiting. I just want to know. 

I guess if anyone has advice I would appreciate it. The main things I’m struggling with is that I don’t trust myself or my own memory. This is due to trauma but gets worse in anxious bouts. I freak out about where my keys are, if I flushed the toliet, if I submitted the right documents for things ect. It’s exhausting but I can’t stop the feeling. I also get anxious about my car getting stuck in snow. And I just feel an overwhelming about of hopeless dread. I don’t want to bother people in my life with this and I’m good at hiding it but I’m worried my facade will break.