I have had a chronic pain issue that's been causing me extreme physical discomfort in my body for years, and I was finally diagnosed by a doctor in February to find the root cause. This condition has robbed me of the joy of life for many years, and I need the symptoms to be alleviated now in order to live a normal life. 

I have two surgeries scheduled in May and in June in an attempt to fix the problem. I was told that my chances are 50/50. 

Ever since my diagnosis, I've been extremely depressed and anxious. Depressed because I'm upset that I have to be in this situation. Anxious because these surgeries basically feel like sentences to me for the rest of my life. If it works, fantastic. If it doesn't, then it's something I can't physically or emotionally deal with anymore. 

Every day feels like hell right now, with a wide range of rollercoaster of emotions. I've been in bed for 12+ hours a day, unable to sleep or eat, and freaking out once every couple hours. I'm on disability leave from work because I can't handle even stepping outside of my apartment. 

The best way I can describe my feelings right now, because it stems from a physical problem, is that I'm physically bleeding out and I'm told I have to wait months at the ER for them to help me. And even if they help me, there's no guarantee I'll be OK. 

I was recently prescribed Ativan by my doctor last week, and I've only taken it twice because I really hate medication and messing with the brain. 

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to discuss antidepressants, but I'm also very reluctant to start on those because of the horror stories I've heard. I would hate to recover from my physical problem, and then have to deal with a whole host of mental problems during and afterwards. 

I'm unsure of what to do anymore because it feels like I have nowhere to go to for help. Everyday I just want things to end, and I just want to catch a break but I can't. 

Has anybody ever been in an anxiety inducing situation like this, and how you managed to cope with it? And if you're on medication, how has that helped or affected you?