Hi everyone! First time poster in this sub. I'm a 27-yr-old woman child (lol) who has been lucky enough to hold multiple diagnoses of mental disorders throughout my life (anorexia, ocd, gad, depression, addiction etc.). (tl;dr at bottom!) 

In my adult years I've done pretty well keeping most of these at bay - much of my mental strife was heavily exacerbated by my drug and alcohol use that started when I was 13 as a way to cope with living in an extremely abusive environment (read: angry alcoholic father and passive mother). Over the last few years, with the help of an awesome therapist who emphasizes mindfulness and the treatments she's recommended, my anxiety and depression have lessened considerably - as has my bpd.

I've been in an on-and-off partnership with the same person for 5 years. When we met, we were both active alcoholics and my bpd was also in full-swing. This was before my diagnosis, so when I'd have multiple switches a day and rage over som perceived slight I usually chalked it up to my anxiety. The diagnosis of bpd really helped me develop a true framework for recover and a game plan to treat it. I got (mostly) sober and so did he and this helped things tremendously. 

Although my bpd is mostly mitigated in terms of my personal relationships, it does rear its ugly head sometimes. My bf and I got back together three months ago after a long time apart, during which I maybe had one bpd episode related to him. But after we got back together, things were great - until a few weeks ago when I had my first bpd episode in months. I had been insecure about my body and was starting to go into a negative thought spiral when he said something I took personally and I went into an hours-long crying spell while telling (not suggesting, telling) him he didn't love me and didn't care about me. 

After that episode, he asked for some time apart. That was two weeks ago, and we spoke again today. In the past after I'd have these episodes I was confused as to why he couldn't just reassure me, but now I know that we're different people and that I can be exhausting and even hurtful to be around so I try to respect his space as much as I can (although a few dumb texts do slide their way in here and there and the feelings of hopelessness are still present).

During our time apart I did a lot of research on how bpd episodes can be helped and mitigated and one idea, which I learned here, seemed great - the idea of a 'safe word', something to knock me out of my irrational episodic anger. Before, I'd suggest giving me a hug, but a word is less intimate and can be easier to use if he's feeling less than affectionate toward me. We haven't tried this yet, but I'm truly hopeful that situations can be improved with things like this - but I'd like to learn other ways to help him understand and improve our relationship. 

Tl;dr: Does anyone know of any (online or otherwise) resources which describe ways our partners can help with our bpd? Thanks in advance everyone and I'm happy to be part of this community :)