I have no idea what to call this state of being that I am in.  It's like I can never settle or find anything that sticks.  And I mean pretty much anything.  I've had this bad habit, perhaps, of every few years now feeling profoundly stuck and suddenly souring on practically everything I had previously defined myself by.  I've changed names, I've changed styles on a whim, I've radically altered what I want in my life, my hobbies, etc., but it never ever feels like I can find any place where I can settle.  I feel like I may never find where I belong, if such a thing exists.

So, in my youth, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do but then also never really felt the inclination to try a whole lot of things out, and going into young adulthood, I thought I wanted to do something with languages.  Linguistics wasn't offered at my local university, so I studied anthropology instead, then towards the end of my degree, I went through an identity crisis, changed my name, radically transformed how I dressed, and suddenly I hated anthropology (my full opinion on some of the things some anthropologists say and ideas they promote is a whole other can of worms that I don't really want to go into).  I tried signing up for a study abroad program in Japan, thinking that would help in some way, and was literally days away from leaving for it when I got too anxious and backed out of it.  Then I almost switched majors to a completely different wing of the school to biology, but then had second thoughts about that, and in desperation I nearly dropped out voluntarily.  Nevertheless, on advice from my academic advisor, I powered through it since I was literally just two semesters from graduating.

Then, after graduating, I decided I wanted to go to grad school and finally do linguistics, so I sort of threw all or most of the anthropology stuff in the trash except where it was relevant to linguistics.  I got into grad school and was going to move to a different city over an hour away, but, again, I chickened out but just decided to commit to driving all the way there and back every day and wasted an inordinate amount of money on gas and car maintenance to do it.  When that all started, I changed my name AGAIN, changed my style AGAIN, and pretty much became a different person.  Then towards the end of my grad degree, I went through another identity crisis, this time up to and including my gender identity, and realized I was trans, but we were so far along in the process that now I have two different degrees with not-my-name on them, because as you might be able to guess, I changed my name and everything AGAIN pretty much right after graduating.  And of course because I'm trans I then changed my whole wardrobe/style AGAIN as well to match my gender identity and got rid of all of my boy clothes.

And recently I've even soured on linguistics and languages — the one thing I thought was constant in my life.  I had such a love of linguistics and foreign languages and now I just find that I don't want anything to do with them anymore.  I tried going to a conference on a topic I focused on in grad school at my alma mater, met all of my old professors while there, and I just felt like such an outsider.  I could barely follow any of the presentations except for the ones on the specific language I sort of obsessed over when I was there, and when people were casually discussing their research, I had a hell of a time trying to follow them, and it felt like I had retained nothing.  What's more, I just felt so out of place.  I haven't talked to any of them or any of the people I knew there since then.  In fact, I haven't talked to any of the few friends I made in anthropology undergrad either.  And honestly, I don't think I want to.  Every time I do this, I find myself wanting to distance myself as far as I can from any and all core elements of my past identities.  I've rediscovered music, a pursuit that my parents had forced on me when I was very young that I had abandoned, and took up the piano again.  I'll find myself wishing that I had pursued music in school, and I get overwhelmed with Torschlusspanik over the fact that I really can't now; that time has passed for me.  My music tastes have since then radically transformed and I just crave classical piano more than anything.  I've also discovered suddenly an interest in cooking that I NEVER had, and find I really like spicy food now for some reason even though I couldn't stand it even as recent as a few years ago.  I used to play a lot of video games and now I can barely pick up a controller without feeling like I want to cry.

I guess I would ask whether anyone else has had experiences like this where it feels like you want to tear down your entire life and completely reinvent yourself and what the heck would you call it.