Today is one of those morning where I wake up and realise I haven't had a girlfriend in over 12 years. Crazy huh? I went through my whole 20's without anyone.

I don't consider it a cause of depression as much as a result of it. At one point I was feeling depressed over girls, but at this point it's something I just get over when I think of it.

It felt worse to me to have unfulfilled romantic interests than to just be so far removed from the game that I don't even have a person in mind. I was hurting over someone in my teenage years that probably could have gone worse than it did. It still went pretty badly, but we did get together eventually and had a good year and a half with it, but that ended and it's practically impossible for me to have a relationship that fills that void. Now when I think about relationships, it's something I'd rather forget than something I'm looking forward to.

At this point, I don't think it'll ever happen again. What, am I going to start hooking up with baby mamas and divorcees when I haven't even had a girlfriend since before I turned 21? I'm not that desperate, and I don't have the maturity to handle certain aspects of adult life as-is.

I don't think I really care enough. Maybe I do just look at women 'pieces of meat'. But from my experience, that's how they look at themselves too. They know how much their lumps of fat are worth and put them out on the market for the highest price they can get for it. And that's how it is, so I don't think it's worth even trying to win one over, with all the BS that goes along with them.

I don't know, not trying to be offensive or anything. Maybe it's best to keep it to myself. I wish there was someone my age, with my level of experience, with a compatible personality and an attractive physique who is not weighed down by the baggage of children and previous relationships and plastic surgery, but it's mathematically impossible in my 30's. From now on, my attraction to the female body is no mre than a biological inconvenience than something to work towards.