Ever since I was little I’ve always been very shy and quiet. As I got older however, At a young age it started with me not being able to order my own food or get up to go to the restroom if I was in class. I felt as if everyone’s eyes were on me and my body would get hot, I’d start to panic and then feel like I had to watch how I was breathing or the way I was walking. If I had nothing in my hands I’d feel weird, so every time I walk I got a phone in one hand and something random in the other. Fidgeting with things sort of calmed me down but not fully. 
Come college year, Im unable to make friends, I fear getting invited out or even having to have a conversation with someone. When someone tries to have a conversation I cant keep eye contact and I never really know what to say….I just feel awkward and boring. I just start to overthink the conversation and practice what I’m gonna say over and over in my head…but I never actually say anything out loud…my mouth just shuts on me. Sometimes when another person is talking, whatever they’re saying goes in one ear and out the other bcuz of all of these thoughts I have in my head. I start to pick at the skin around my nails to calm myself down…but they can tell I’m anxious since my face always gets red and hot and I start to move around a lot. 

It’s now gotten to a point where I feel like I can’t do anything by myself or even talk to someone. I literally have no friends other than my bf. It’s even gotten to the point where I can’t even socialize with my own family….I start to panic every time I’m around them because there’s either 1. so many of them and I feel like so much is going on and I can’t keep up or 2. I feel awkward and just go mute. I hate that I can’t socialize with ppl. I hate myself everyday for not being “normal” like everyone else and being able to do things independently and having friends or talking to people. It’s so tiring having to deal with all these thoughts everyday, I wish that for just one day it could all stop.