text: Tips to beef up Team India
  By Aakar PatelAakar Patel, Pune Mirror | Updated: Aug 17, 2018, 02:00 IST
  Friends, as an elder of the community it has always fallen on me to lift the nation in its moments of crisis and consternation. To all those in trouble, from government ministers to tech billionaires, I have never hesitated from giving my advice and wisdom. My methods of communicating this may have changed over the years — from writing letters longhand to shouting at the television screen — but the intent has always been one underpinned by burning love of nation and fellow Indians.
  In that spirit, I cannot let the side down and let it never be said that when the bugle was sounded, this Patidar was missing. I may not have rallied the troops and hooted at the enemy from the ramparts of the Red Fort on the 15th of August, this is true, but only because I have not been afforded the opportunity.
  Anyway, this week the crisis is quite clear, and it is the prospect, the spectre, of utter and total humiliation in England. Can we as a nascent superpower allow this to happen? No, we cannot. Firm and decisive action is the call of the day and it will be taken. Given my vast experience in this, the avoidance of total and utter humiliation (most times) it is my duty to guide the Indian team out of the doldrums. Here then are my 5 ultimate solutions to ensuring victory in the third Test.
  5) Player support: Is it fair that our cricketers, who fight for the nation across the seas, be treated any different from those who fight for the nation on the borders? No. I propose that we extend AFSPA to the players and make them immune from umpiring decisions.
  4) Crowd support: We must put the fear of god into them. They must not be allowed to build confidence, and they should worry for their safety. Having among the spectators large numbers of Indians with lynching experience should do the job. They should carry banners alerting the English team that they know what was on the team lunch menu.
  3) Encouragement of our stars: By my estimate, there are 1,322 brands being advertised on our channels. It will shock you to know, dear reader, that only 1,120 of these are endorsed by our skipper and other heroes. Are they not deserving of more and do they not give their all for our country?
  2) Confidence in the coach: Friends, the coach has been on the BCCI rolls since 1984, as player, commentator, coach, etc. Why not make his job permanent? It will produce better results.
  1) Performance-based pay: This is a good suggestion, but impractical because for performance to be judged, first the team has to perform. Happily, if we implement the first four solutions, then this will not be needed.