text: The Voice of Vicki Polin: July 1995
  Guidelines For Disciplining Children Who Have Been Abused
  (This article was originally published in 1995 and reprinted by The Times of Israel on July 3 2015)
  Tip #1 Physical: means punishments that are inappropriate, ineffective, and harmful to children!
  This includes spanking, hitting, pinching, whipping, slapping . . . Spanking children teaches them that violence is an acceptable way to deal with problems. There is a fine line between spanking and abuse. In addition, it simply does not work. Children, especially children who have been physical and/or sexually abused, often have learned how to dissociate themselves from pain. Basically, being hit or hurt in some way is nothing new to abused children. Spanking is also tremendously humiliating for your child. No child should be made to feel that way — it leads to shame and low self esteem, which in turn lead to further behavior problems. Spanking kids can lead to a vicious cycle. Hitting children is a way to take out your anger on a child (this should never be the guiding emotion behind any punishment). In short, spanking benefits the spanker more than the spanked. When you feel like hitting a child, go into another room, hit a pillow instead. Once you've cooled down, then you'll be ready to go back and deal with the child.
  Tip #2 Positive reinforcement works wonders. It is much easier to increase a positive behavior than it is to decrease a negative one. In simple terms, that means if you lavish praise on your children when they do well, they will continue to do the right thing. It is much easier to get a child to "keep up the good work", than to get a child to stop doing something which gives him/her lots of negative attention. But if you give lots of
  Remember children thrive on attention, (either positive or negative attention).
  Tip #3 Use the time out method. If you isolate a child for a certain amount of time when he or she gets a little unruly, it gives him/her a chance to cool down. If a child is misbehaving, give a warning that he/she will need to go to a "time out", if the behavior does not stop. The most important part of the warning is following through with the warning. If the behavior does not stop, send the child to a chair or a corner for a few minutes (depending on the child's age . . . 1 minute for each year). Use a kitchen time to make sure the time out is exactly as long as you say it will be. One important lesson learned by giving a warning prior to "time out", is that the child learns there are choices in ones life.
  If you spank a child, you teach him/her violence. If you yell at a child, you teach him/her shame. If you use choices and fair, NONVIOLENT consequences, you teach the child that he/she has power to effect his/her own life, and that he/she can make a choice to behave or not to behave (and suffer the consequences of a "time out").
  Remember that good parenting must be learned and, at times, is very demanding. It's okay to ask for help to improve your parenting skills.
  Close your eyes and think about what you want to say. Don't just say the first thing that comes to your mind.