text: Letting Go and Letting God: April 2010
  My Cardiologist Appointment
  Wyatt's Name
  Please Get on Your Knees (UPDATED)
  27 Weeks with Baby Seth
  Importing My Other Blog
  I've been getting questions as to how my echo went on Wednesday... to tell you the truth, I haven't updated because I really don't know. I walked out pretty nervous. We all know when a second doctor is brought in and when a scan takes over an hour, it's normally not a good thing.
  The first tech spent a while looking at my heart and then told me he needed to have someone else come in and take a look because he was having problems getting a good picture on the left side of my heart. When scanner number two came in she started asking me if I'd ever been diagnosed with a heart condition in the past or if I was told as a child that I had a birth defect of the heart. Um, no... Why?
  Anyways, they finished the scan, wouldn't tell me any of the details and said that my doctor would call after he read the report. Gee, thanks for all the info and scaring me half to death!
  As of right now I still haven't been called regarding the results. I'm taking that as a good sign because if there had of been something really wrong I'm sure the doctor would have called by now. At least, that's what I'm trying to convince myself of.
  On a different note, I've been an emotional wreck lately. I just really miss Wyatt. Chalk it up to his first birthday being right around the corner... praying I don't have Seth on Wyatt's birthday... and even approaching the mark in this pregnancy where our time ended with Wyatt (33weeks 2 days). I guess it's safe to say this pregnancy is starting to get to me. I feel so guilty to be carrying Seth and making plans for him to come home with us.
  I think what's making it hard for me is how insistent the kids are that baby Seth is going to come home. I still can't see it. I want to, but for the life of me, I can't picture myself with a living, breathing baby. Of course, Ansley always has to add in that Seth can't go to heaven like Wyatt did. I know it's her way of rationalizing what is going on in our lives in her four-year-old mind, but man... the last thing I want right now is the constant reminder that Wyatt is gone.
  And you know what? The closer I get to the possibility of maybe having a healthy baby I get to bring home, the more anxious I get. I get more scared with each day passing. I feel like I'm so close... almost close enough to touch. But I'm terrified Seth will slip away from me, from our family, and we'll be left to grieve the loss of yet another one of our sons. I wish I could shake this fear. It's making it very hard for me to enjoy Seth's pregnancy. I feel robbed! I know this will be our last baby. My last pregnancy. I want so badly to soak up and enjoy these last moments of this part of my life. I'm really trying...
  On a bit of a happier note, we finally figured out why I've been gaining weight so quickly this pregnancy! I do indeed have a problem with my thyroid being low. Dr. Joy called in a prescription, I've been taking it for about 4 days now, and I have yet to gain any weight since I started taking the medication. Hopefully, as I've already gained 40 pounds this pregnancy, my weight will kind of linger where it is and I won't gain more than a couple of pounds before I have Seth.
  Sorry about the randomness (is that even a real word?) of this post! My mind is mush these days and I'm doing good to even formulate a sentence without forgetting what I was trying to say. I will update again as soon as my cardiologist decides to let me in the loop as to what is going on with my heart.
  My appointment with the cardiologist went fairly well yesterday. The good news is that I am monitor free! Dr. D felt he figured out what was wrong and that it was unnecessary to send me home with a monitor.
  The less than desirable news is that he detected that I have a heart murmur...
  He believes it will go away within six months of delivering Seth, but in the meantime I will just have to be cautious about having more spells that will cause me to pass out. He says my heart is having a hard time with the increased blood flow and it's causing my blood pressure to bottom out. He said when I go from sitting to standing the bottom (diastolic?) number is falling very low.
  Dr. D advised me to avoid standing for any real length of time and to try and keep my feet higher than my heart as much as possible so I can ensure both baby and myself are receiving proper blood supply.
  Just to be cautious, he scheduled me for an ultrasound on my heart tomorrow morning at 9:00 am. Hopefully it will just confirm what he already believes and that will be all there is to the matter. I won't lie and say I'm not nervous, but I have faith in a God that knows what he's doing.
  I will update tomorrow after my ultrasound. Until then, I hope you all have blessed evenings!
  I've started a name gallery for Wyatt over on my Facebook account and it gave me the most wonderful idea. I want to include a "memory book" on the table for Wyatt's first birthday. Of course, I will add pictures from my pregnancy with him, from his ultrasounds, and after he was born... but I don't want to give people the opportunity to think his impact stopped after his body was no longer physically here.
  So this is where you could help me out if you don't mind. I will be including all the pictures from Wyatt's name gallery in his memory book to be displayed at his party. It's my way of showing that although he is gone physically, his memory lingers in the hearts of people who have grown to care for and love him just by reading his story. I will be doing some pictures of his name myself to add to his gallery, but I would love it if you could contribute a picture between now and his first birthday (June 1st)!
  It can be as little as scribbling his name somewhere and snapping a picture with your camera phone... anything will be cherished! The pictures can be sent to my e-mail address finchumfamilyjda@yahoo.com. Please include your name, your blog, and what part (even if it's only the state or region) of where the picture was taken. I would love to include that at the bottom of the picture as a caption in Wyatt's book. It will be neat to see friends (you guys) who have come into my life through my sweet baby boy, write your own chapter in the story of Wyatt's life!
  My appointment was interesting yesterday. I walked out a little nervous.
  There is something that happened Wednesday night I haven't told you all about. I was standing in my kitchen making some blueberry muffins for Joseph to take with him to his unit the next morning. As I was standing there putting the batter into the muffin tins, I passed out.
  It happened slow enough that I could kind of control how I went down, but I still ended up slamming my back into the counter and kind of sliding to the floor.
  It was weird. My heart suddenly felt like it would beat out of my chest, my head started getting warm and tingly, and my vision started to black out and close in on me. All I could think of at the time was, "I can't fall on my belly". Thankfully I was able to get my back against the counter in enough time to keep from hurting Seth as I went down.
  I have NEVER passed out up until this point.
  And then the same thing happened the next day when I was in the shower, but I was able to sit down quickly and didn't completely pass out.
  My doctor wasn't too happy when I brought it up at my appointment yesterday. He seems to think I have some sort of arrhythmia that is causing my heart to go tachycardic which is pulling blood and oxygen away from my head and causing me to pass out.
  Of course, the first thing I asked my doctor was if this would effect Seth. I could tell he was hesitant about saying yes, as his answer was, "...for short infrequent spells, Seth would recover very quickly, but if I had a prolonged spell it would pull the blood and oxygen away form Seth just as it is pulling it away from my head and causing me to pass out."
  I won't freak out. I won't freak out. I won't freak out!
  I have a meeting with the cardiologist on Monday morning. Dr. Joy advised me that I'll have to wear a monitor for at least 24 hours to see what my heart is doing. I'm really nervous and hope everything turns out okay. I can handle there being a problem... but the idea of my body being potentially unsafe for Seth absolutely eats me alive.
  I'll update more on this when I have more information.
  The rest of my appointment was okay.
  My thyroid test came back inconclusive. I had to get blood drawn again so they could rerun the test. He said if it came back the same way again he'd probably have to put me on a low dose of thyroid medication because the results indicated that I maybe starting to have a problem.
  I passed my gestational diabetes test. That's a funny story! My nurse did the finger stick, I went back and saw my doctor, and them waited in the waiting room for my one hour to be up so I could have the results read. Well, my hour was up and the nurse realized she forgot to give me the drink! I had to drink the stuff and wait a whole extra hour. Sure it was an inconvenience, but waiting an extra hour was the last thing I was worried about. Plus, the nurse was new, but very sweet and apologetic. She was hard to get mad at...
  I did find out I'm anemic and had to be put on iron pills.
  I aslo had Dr. Joy check the level of my amniotic fluid and it was measuring at a 15. Between 8-18 is considered "normal", with anything above 12 being "high normal". I had him check because Joseph and I have noticed over the last couple of days that my stomach has gotten considerably larger and were concerned I might be developing too much like I did with Wyatt. Dr. Joy assured me 15 was a very healthy number and he'd much rather see a higher normal than a lower normal.
  Also, starting at my next appointment on May 6th, I have to have a non stress test every week, and an ultrasound to track Seth's growth every 2-3 weeks until delivery day. It appears my doctors office is going to become a home away from home until Mr. Seth decides to grace us with his presence.
  I don't think I left anything out. I had a lot to cover in this post! I'll keep you updated as I know more. For now though, Seth is healthy and thriving! That's all that matters to me.
  Celia is home from the hospital but on strict bed rest for the next week. She's been advised if the bleeding gets worse she is to go directly to the hospital. Thank you for your prayers. Please continue to pray the bleeding was an isolated incident and won't give her anymore problems.
  I talked with Celia (Noah's Mommy) earlier today and she has started bleeding. To bring you up to speed she was told she had placenta previa at her anatomy ultrasound and she is right around 20 weeks pregnant....
  Anyways, her doctor is making her go to the hospital. This is most likely just as a precaution, but PLEASE be in prayer that Celia and her baby will be perfectly fine. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing at this very moment, please find a quiet spot and pray for these two very special people in my life.
  I will be posting updates as I get them on my Facebook and will post any big news here.
  Thank you for you prayers!!
  I was still feeling a little emotional today from yesterday's episode at the park. I decided a walk in the sunshine might do the trick so I grabbed the kids, my camera, and Wyatt's elephant and headed down our driveway toward the lake.
  I can't say I deserve the credit for the idea of hitting the great outdoors. Ansley had been bugging me to go outside so she could get a "poofy head".
  Did your faces just twist in the same puzzled look as mine did when I pondered what in the world this intriguing little girl was referring to? Did she want to feel the wind blowing in her hair?
  Well, please pull out your dictionaries and make the following correction. The correct name for these...
  ...is officially "poofy heads" by order of my four-year-old!
  Anyways, here are some pictures of the kids blowing away the poofy heads!
  And for those of you who weren't in the loop... the yellow flower is called a sunshine flower!
  After we picked all the flowers in our yard we made our way down to the lake. As we walked, we stopped along the way to take pictures of the children and pictures of Wyatt's elephant. Even our dog Gunny decided to tag along. It was quite hilarious when he felt the urge to protect us from a tiny little dachshund. I love that he's so protective of our family. Here are some of the pictures from our outing.
  These two are my favorite!
  Today has been an emotional day for me.
  I decided to pack up a picnic so Joseph and I could take the kids to play at the park. It was a gorgeous day! A little hot for my taste, but absolutely wonderful in the cool of a shade tree.
  When we first arrived at the park we enjoyed some chicken salad sandwiches on flaky croissants, strawberries, pasta salad, citrus salad, boiled eggs, and some good ol' southern style sweet tea! Ansley was more interested in playing and needed to be reminded that she had to finish her food before she was allowed to play... I don't think she actually sat down for a consecutive 5 seconds while she ate! She ran around the comforter we'd thrown out as she stuffed her face. I was worried she was going to choke, but thankfully, luck was on our side!
  When we were finished filling our bellies we gave the children the go ahead to make their ways to the playground! I barely got the words out of my mouth and Ansley had Eli by the hand dragging him (apparently he wasn't fast enough) to the awaiting adventure! Squeals of delight peeled from their mouths as they raced to the playground hand in hand.
  I think both of the children had the most fun on the swings. We couldn't seem to pry their little fingers off the chains of the swing! It was adorable.
  Heck, even Joseph and I had fun on the swings!
  Of course, the entire playground was "magical" to hear Ansley describe it.
  So why was today emotional for me if it was such a "perfect" day?
  I was sitting on the comforter watching the kids play when Ansley suddenly came by a swing in front of where I was sitting. She started pushing it back and forth and this went on for a minute or so before I got up to ask he if she wanted mommy to push her. She looked at me smiling and said, "In just a minute mommy! I'm pushing Wyatt in the swing. He loves to swing like I do! I'm going to push him way up high so he can have fun."
  I think my heart stopped for a couple of beats. What do you say to that? I choked out that she was such a good big sister and that I bet she made Wyatt very happy for remembering him. Then I told her it was her turn to swing and that we would go over next to daddy and Eli so I could push her on the swing...
  I can't imagine how much more perfect today would have been if Wyatt were really there in that swing for Ansley to push. He'd be 10 months old and full of smiles and giggles I'm sure. I hate that I can't even imagine him like that. He will always be a sweet little baby in my mind no matter how hard I try to picture what he would look like now.
  Sadness aside, he was at the park with us in thought and heart. I truly am blessed with great children. As much as it stings, It means the world to me that Ansley still remembers Wyatt and tries to defy the distance between heaven and earth to continue to be a big sister to her little brother.
  I know I'm a couple days late, but I wanted to share a picture of my 27 week belly with you. It is really crazy to see how huge I am compared to what I was this point in my pregnancy with Wyatt. I've shared the following picture of my pregnancy with Wyatt at 27 weeks before, but now that I've reached this point in my pregnancy with Seth I thought it would be fun to post a comparison.
  I'm still having trouble with my weight as you can tell from my picture. I'm getting really frustrated. I've been really frustrated if we're being truthful here! I've already gained just over 35 pounds and I still have at least 10 more weeks to go! Ugh! I hope my doctor is able to figure out what is going on with my weight gain. I did this with Wyatt starting at about 27-28 weeks. I thought it was just related to his unique pregnancy, but now I'm starting to wonder. I worry I'll start retaining too much fluid and it will cause my water to break early like it did with Wyatt. I guess only God knows what is going on at this point and I just need to trust him.
  I'll admit there are some days when I feel like I could eat everything in sight... but most days I hardly have an appetite. I have to force myself to eat. Even with hardly eating, I gained 6 pounds in a week and a half period! And that's what my weight has been doing to me...
  Hopefully I'll know more after my next appointment on the 15th. They will be doing my gestational diabetes test and going over the results of my last ultrasound and blood work. Maybe we'll have a clue then.
  If you see a whole bunch of posts pop up from me on your dashboard... I just imported my "secret" blog (the one where I was documenting my pregnancy with Seth before I announced I was pregnant) over to this blog since I'm documenting everything on Letting Go and Letting God. Sorry if I plague your dashboard...
  So the cat is out of the bag in more than one way. The first and most important being Celia's good news! She's expecting a healthy baby boy in August. I'm so excited for her and her family! Please join me in congratulating her in her wonderful news!
  The other little bit is that I was able to visit her and her family this past Friday and Saturday. We had a blast! The only problem was that the trip was way too short. I didn't want to leave.
  So, with that being said, it is safe to share these pictures with you!
  Two friends happy to see one another again...
  Two noticeably pregnant friends!
  My husband and kids came along, so our entire families got to meet one another. Celia and I met once before in December when she drove to my neck of the woods, and we talk on the phone... we knew there would be no problems with us "hitting it off". I think we both were a tad worried about our husbands finding common ground but our worries were soon put to rest! Everyone got along great and it was truly a wonderful visit. Again, my only complaint was the visit being way too short!
  The first day, our husbands were sweet enough to keep all 5 of the kids at an indoor bounce house while Celia and I snuck away for a couple of hours to hit some craft stores. When we got back we all went for pizza at Cici's. Our group was big enough that we rated seating in the party room away from the crowded dining area. Score!
  After dinner, we were all exhausted, so we went our separate ways to catch some ZZZ's.
  The next morning, Celia's hubby Phillip made some amazing waffles for everyone! I'm going to have to get that recipe from him. Five Star waffles all the way. Thanks Phillip for feeding us!
  After breakfast we all sat around for a few hours and talked while the kids played with one another. Can I just say, Ansley really liked Celia's little boy William. I think there may be something blossoming here! It was really cute to see them interact so sweetly.
  Was extremely proud of her sand castle! She made mommy take a picture of it!
  We had a great trip. It's always so nice to be around people who "get it". I'm already looking forward to the next time we can get together!