text: Musings of an old man: July 2006
  The hose I alluded to in my last post resided in Mr. Williams', our principal, office. It was kept in a small, all glass, china hutch to the right of his desk on its very own shelf. South Dakota allowed corporal punishment at that time and the little, black, hose was the only fulfillment that I was aware of being used. It was used for the very hardest of cases, it was said, and most of the stories about the hose were obviously urban legends. I think it was a very effective tool for the principal to use. The principal means of classroom control was to send troublemakers to the hall and extreme misbehavior bypassed the hall with a visit to the principals office. My daughter, a math teacher, informs me that it is exactly the same system in use today, in her school, sans the hose. Glad to see that progress is being made in our schools.
  The difference between our discipline system and my daughters was the hose, or at least the threat of the hose. I remember going to the principals office, on legitimate business, and always glancing over to see if the hose was still there and it always was. Once a classmate and I were required to go visit the principal to interview him and write a story. When we were seated, I glanced over to the china hutch for a quick look and the hose was missing. I looked everywhere for the hose, before Mr. Williams came in, and couldn't find it. I remember a sense of relief coming over both of us as we realized the hose was gone. It was a very good interview with Mr. Williams. We couldn't wait to get back and tell our classmates that the hose was gone. At the next recess we were informed that we must be nuts because the hose was back. That principal must have known what he was doing. Duh….!
  I remember being sent to the hall, for some infraction or other and praying that the principal would not come down the hall because he always stopped and inquired what you were doing in the hall. If the infraction was serious enough he took you to his office to talk with you after giving you plenty of time to stare at "The Hose". Then would talk to you about the error of your ways and then send you on your way. Every time I had to go to the office for "misbehavior" the experience would always leave me shaking in my boots and swearing I would never put myself in that position again. During a Christmas party in the 6th grade I shot the teacher in the back of the head with a dart gun [long story] and got taken to the office by the teacher. As she left the office, glaring at me, I noticed the principal opening the hutch, reaching in and removing the hose from the shelf. He held it with one hand and struck his other hand with the hose and while looking at me placed the hose on the desk directly in front of where I was about to be seated. As I stood in the office, looking through the glass into Mr. Williams office, I felt myself shaking. As Mr. Williams walked over to the door to let me in, His secretary whispered "good luck" as the door opened. My head snapped around toward her and my eyes got big as she said that. What did she know? Mr. Williams indicated for me to come in and sit down and as I did he began closing the Venetian blinds that separated the two offices. "Oh my God, I'm going to really get it this time", I thought. My heart rate had to be somewhere near 200 bpm. The hose sat on the edge of the desk, directly in front of me. I could feel the sweat dripping down my back and I thought about bolting out the door. I just stared at "The Hose". It looked like he had cut it from his hose that he uses to water his garden. The hose was not perfect as the cuts on the ends were not perfect and for some reason that made me feel a bit better but I still knew I was dead. I tried to look at the principal as he spoke, as I knew this was very important but my eyes kept looking down at "The Hose" no matter what I tried to do. I apologized as sincere as I could and tried to convince him that it was mostly an accident. My mouth was going so fast I was slobbering. One of my problems was that I thought our teacher was lazy and was doing a very poor job teaching us and that finally came out of my slobbering mouth. When it did I figured I was really dead. Mr. Williams stared at me for a long time and then just stood up, opened the door and told me never to come back under these circumstances. I almost broke my neck getting to that door as I tripped over the end of the chair and stepped on his shoe. I never, ever, went back.
  Later I met with Mr. Williams and other people on several occasions about the teacher in question. They asked me lots of questions about how and what she had been teaching us. I was always taken aside at the end of these meetings, by the principal and he always told me that he was so pleased I had not been back to his office because of behavior problems. I was pleased with my behavior also. Every time it looked like I was going to "misbehave" I had a really good, close-up, mental picture of that hose. I had been closer to it than anyone I knew and I didn't want to get any closer.
  The following year that teacher did not have her contract renewed and we all had to have special classes to bring us up to speed on English and Math. This had nothing at all to do with my behavior in class as it was all due to the fact that I had been trying to impress a young lady. Boy I bet she was really impressed knowing that I had seen "The Hose" and lived to tell about it.
  Posted by Ted at 6:06 PM 1 comment: Links to this post
  The school was a large, imposing, sandstone building that stood up on a hill next to the courthouse. The classroom windows were the largest windows I had ever seen. The windows on the front of the building were like eyes glaring down on all that dared approach those hallowed halls and the front doors were like a mouth, opening and closing, eating and spitting out little children. I had really gotten excited about 1st grade at Sturgis elementary school but now I was shaking in my shoes grasping my new pencil box in one hand and clasping my mothers hand in the other. My mother opened the door and tried to make me enter before her but I held on tight lest she disappear. I was amazed at what lie before me. I was standing in the entryway and a great, shiny, floor rose up ahead of me stretching to a tiny door at the other end. The wooden floors were clean and glistening and had neat doors equally spaced along the walls with big glass in each door. Between the doors, which were all standing open, were rows and rows of chrome coat hoods all about head high and all evenly spaced. I pointed and asked my mom what that white porcelain thing was hanging on the wall. She responded that it was a drinking fountain. I had never seen one before. A desk was blocking our way down the hall and a young girl was seated at the desk with papers in front of her. My Mom stepped up to the desk and said "Mr. Theodore Raymond Dickson ". I was horrible embarrassed and could look only at the floor or the table. The young girl shuffled through her papers, said "Mrs. Swanson's room" and pointed to the right. We went down a hall and a door on my right, as we passed, I would later find out was to the bowls of the school and the boiler. A big red shiny bell was on the wall to my left and I would also later learn was a fire alarm bell. Inside the door was my 1st grade classroom and most of the desks were already filled. Mrs. Swanson walked up and my mother introduced us both. Mrs. Swanson held out her hand and shook mine and said "Would you like me to call you Theodore, Ted or Teddy young man?" I said Teddy and I should have said Ted as it took me about 6 more years to lose "Teddy". Oh well it could have been worse because up to now I had always been called "Teddy Ray" and I hated it.
  As Mrs. Swanson took my pencil box and me to my new desk, I glanced around the room and none of my friends were in my class. Little did I know but the school had already been warned about my two friends, Steve and Denny, and I. We were not to be put in the same classroom. We had all attend kindergarten together and caused enormous problems for the Sisters. The three of us were Presbyterians but the Catholic church operated a girls Academy and were the only ones to offer Kindergarten, so off we went. I'll guarantee you that they didn't slap your hands with a ruler in any of the protestant schools. I was treated to that punishment on my 1st day in Kindergarten. The second time she did it I caught the ruler and broke it in half. At some time later she hit me in the back of my legs with a stick and because of my response, I ended up sitting in Mother Superiors office until my Mother came and got me. I didn't go back.
  We were pre-baby boomers but already we represented a numbers problem for the schools all across the country. For the first time ever there was going to be three classes in every grade level that we entered. The school administrators were already looking at blueprints to build a new elementary school next to our school.
  As I sat at my desk and looked around I noticed two things. #! My mother was no where to be seen and #2 all of the walls had blackboards on them. Mrs. Swanson printed her name on the blackboard and I was really impressed with the pure white chalk and the neatness of her name. I remember very little of my first grade year except that I was very impressed with a pretty little girl named Marlene and that I was in the Chipmunk reading group and I wanted to be in the squirrel group. The entire time 1st thru 8th grades I never once heard of someone getting hit on their hands with a ruler or one the back of their legs with a stick but I did hear the stories about the hose and in the 8th grade I got to see it close up, real close up.
  Posted by Ted at 3:37 PM 1 comment: Links to this post
  At the end of my last posting, yesterday, I said, "Maybe next time I can tell you all about Bamboo that we can't get rid of or stop." Today I got a comment from my friend Cookie over at The Cook Shack who said "Betcha it's that Japanese bamboo...." So I searched Japanese Bamboo ,on the web, first and…………
  Virginia Tech Weed ID photo on the left and my photo of our problem Bamboo is on the right. Anyone notice any similarities? Dead on Cookie! You probably saved me a lot of searching as there are 1200 species of Bamboo in the U.S.
  The plant on the left is Polygonum cuspidatum, commonly known as Bamboo, Japanese Bamboo, Japanese Knotweed, Mexican Bamboo and Rice Cane, is native to Japan and was introduced into the United States as an ornamental. Widely planted in the Northeast, it escaped from cultivation and became an obnoxious weed. Regardless of this fact, it can still be found in some nurseries.
  I now know that I need to wait until the flowers are at their peak and then I can spray it with Roundup, which should also kill the roots. I have not been doing this, in years past and I have not touched it. It is in a lot of unattended places in the cemetery and hopefully this year "Bye Bye Bamboo.
  Thank you Cookie! I really love this blogging thing.
  Posted by Ted at 7:13 PM 4 comments: Links to this post
  Labels: Japanese Bamboo
  Posted by Ted at 6:11 PM 1 comment: Links to this post
  Monday morning at 1 AM my wife and I were still waiting to see the Dr at our local hospital while I held a piece of gauze over my eye. A few hour earlier, I had been fighting with the cat, PURRSEY, waiting for my wife to come to bed and watching TV. When she came to bed, she threw her pillow on the bed which hit and scared the cat, which meowed and jumped and buried his paw in my right eye with claws extended, necessitating a trip to the emergency room. Eventually the Doc declared I would live and put salve in my eye and sent me home. It has not been a pleasant injury, what with three times a day salve administrations and a constant headache. I kick at the cat every time he goes by but I can only see out of one eye so I always miss, damn. Last night we were at the kitchen bar, again watching TV and the cat came by and decided he wanted up on my lap and chose to climb up instead of jump. Not a good choice because I was wearing shorts. I hollered and nailed the cat with my other foot and he went flying. I surveyed the damage and noticed copious amounts of blood running down my leg and made up my mind that the cat must die.
  This morning I took a shower and almost cried as the water hit the claw marks on my leg. I was brushing my teeth, when in came Purrsey. He jumped up on the edge of the tub and then down into the bottom catching the drops as they came from the faucet. Cute!…………… even more cute would be turning the shower on as I closed the curtains, right? I surveyed the project and carefully considered the fact that the shower curtains would be strips and I could personally get hurt in the escape. How can I tell the wife that it wasn't my fault? I could say, "but honey I didn't see the cat in the tub when I turned the water on to 'clean the tub'!" Naa. That was the best I could come up with and so I made the decision to let the cat live one more day.