text: The Dragonfly Forest: November 2015
  As the weather gets colder and the winter is approaching it is easy to lose yourself and your goals. Instead of being motivated to keep after your goals you may decide it is better to curl up with a good movie or book. Now is the time to focus again on what you would like your life to look like - where do you want to go in your life, what do you want to do? So on a cold brisk day, take some time out to write down a list of at least 3 goals you want to accomplish before the end of 2015. Come on, get off the couch and get this done then you can go back to that movie or book.
  Tomorrow once you have had a full night to think about your 3 goals focus on one and go for it right now - head out on your adventure to achieve this goal (either figuratively or literally).
  Labels: adventure, motivational
  I struggle trying to understand how we, as Americans can spend one Thursday being grateful and giving thanks then spend the next four days on materialism.
  I wish we had a simpler life where we spend days appreciating people in our lives and the things we already have. Instead we are pushed into consumerism!
  Posted by JM Lam at 7:08 AM
  Being a soccer mom is sometimes a full time job so for all those other sports mom's out there - this is for you:
  Freaky Fun Fact Friday! We can't always believe what we see and hear. Do you know about the McGurk Effect? Watching this video to learn all about it - hmmm interesting right? This is why it is difficult for some people to fully understand what people are saying and can cause miscommunication.
  Direct link to the McGurk Effect
  Posted by JM Lam at 8:01 AM
  The Sequential Brain VS the Spatial Brain
  One is NOT better than the other ~~
  We are all complex. We have in us both a dark side and a light side. Some people in our lives don't want to ever see our dark side. For you that person may even be yourself. What we have to do is love ourselves as a whole not just specific parts of us. You are worthy to be loved for who you are - all of you. Take time today to embrace yourself - all of you!
  Posted by JM Lam at 12:18 PM
  I missed out on Cartoon Sunday yesterday due to intense pain from a previous injury resulting from a car accident way back in February. When in pain it is sometimes hard to see that there is hope that the pain will ever end. To survive we must learn ways to protect ourselves from other types of pain such as emotional pain.
  In order to protect yourself remember these 3 things:
  1- You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you can't do something. If the person is in your life and knows that you are in pain than shame on them for expecting you to do things you are not capable of doing. Don't feel guilty that you can't do the things they normally expect from you. You must get better.
  2 - Love yourself! You need to treat yourself as you would treat someone you love very much. Put yourself first. If you are a person who always puts others before yourself you will not heal and then others will just expect you to take care of them only - if that happens go back to #1 and remember you don't have to explain just focus on healing!
  3 - Finally, do really focus on healing. Being in pain can be stressful and if you are focused on how others are expecting too much from you or how others don't seem to even care about taking care of you than you are NOT focused on getting yourself better. Focus on the things that make you feel better physically and emotionally.
  The more you focus on your own healing, let go of the guilt that you can't do the things you normally do, stop expecting others to care about your pain and needs, and treat yourself with love and kindness you will get better faster.
  I know these steps are hard to do but you can do it! Just put on an armor and protect yourself.
  One final note - if people in your life do not respect that you are in pain (or ill) and are not willing to take care of you then they don't need to be in your life. These people only want to use you for what they can get. Relationships should be supported both ways!
  Labels: Spiritual Sunday, what you should know
  5 ways to help someone in chronic pain - emotional and/or physical
  Many people are in chronic pain. This pain may be physical or emotional but it is pain and it is real.
  There's no such thing as a pain meter that can actually tell how much pain the person is experiencing. I sure wish that there was such a thing because when other people are not feeling the pain themselves they often do not understand.
  For the person experiencing the pain it becomes even more painful to hear comments from others that minimize and/or disregard this pain. People in pain don't want your advice. We have already researched everything possible because we don't want to be this way. We don't want to hear about your pain if it is nothing like ours. Yes a paper-cut hurts but unless you are dealing with this pain everyday for an extended period of time you really don't understand.
  We know that you are trying to make things better and you feel helpless so here are 5 things you can do and say to someone with chronic pain.
  1. Validate~ Sometimes all that needs to be said is... "I believe you," "I see how hard you are trying and you are being so strong," and "Thanks for taking some time to talk to me or be with me, I appreciate you spending some of your energy on me."
  2. Don't ask--DO~ Instead of asking "what can I do" just do something. A person with chronic pain is used to being ignored when they share their pain and ask for help. It puts the person in chronic pain on the spot to feeling more helpless by making them come up with ways others can help them. Instead do something for them they might struggle with doing themselves. Instead of making them a meal you could give them a gift card for a take-out meal, if they have kids - take them somewhere or transport them to and from places, look around and see what the person isn't able to complete themselves and just step in and help out. People with chronic pain don't want to impose on others so just help!
  3. Listen & I mean really LISTEN~ People often say... "I'm here to listen" but when the person starts to share about their pain, troubles, anxiety, depression... the person doesn't really listen. The reason is because no one really wants to hear these things. So if someone starts to share then really listen - use reflective listening. Reflective listening is making sure the other person feels heard and validated. If you are giving advice or sharing a story about yourself or someone you know that is NOT reflective listening.
  4. Learn all you can~ Learn about the other person's condition. If you really care about this person you will take the time to research their condition on your own. The more you know the better support you will be. You may think you understand about depression and anxiety but you probably really don't know as much as you should. You also probably don't know much about hidden disabilities/illnesses so do your research.
  5. Remember we often wear a mask~ The smile we wear on our face is there because we need it to function everyday. It is often there to hide what is really going on. If a mask is not worn than others don't want to be around us at all and we are not only in pain but now alone and in pain. Look beyond the mask. Don't assume that just because we say we are "fine" and wear a smile on our face that we are not in pain.
  Chronic pain is real and wrecks havoc on the mind and body. It takes a lot of energy to function on a daily basis. It is exhausting! People in pain don't want to be in pain but they do want to be understood and supported.