text: Offence that I took offence – who is the victim? | writerchristophfischer
  44 thoughts on "Offence that I took offence – who is the victim?"
  I've had similar issues myself. I'm wary of dragging people along with me, even when it's for a good cause. I had to turn on the do not disturb on the phone to manage to have peace to do anything but that is not useful when you're expecting some specific notification or message. There are always people who might not understand how the system works and do something unwittingly, but that's not the case you're giving examples of. I agree with your approach and worry that the old adage 'No good deed will go unpunished' sometimes has far too many everyday applications. Be well.
  Thank you. I'm speaking out because a lot of people think it is just them.
  I agree with you though that many such actions are done unwittingly. Be well, too. Hugs!
  Thank goodness I don't write books! Best of luck Sir – sounds like you need it!
  I think it can happen to all people, not just writers, Thank you and best of luck to you, too 🙂
  I agree completely. It's definitely spamming (in my opinion) and I don't think it works to increase their sales the way they hope it does. I have a couple of author friends who asked me if they could tag me or add promos to my timeline, and I've said yes because they asked first. The rest? Just spam.
  Christoph… go ahead. Rant. Spew. If we don't then we'd explode. 😀
  But seriously, it makes me glad i haven't had time to do much with Facebook! Good grief. It absolutely is rude. In fact it's yet another form of bullying. So thank you for standing up to the bullies with this post. Mega-hugs. ⭐ 🙂
  Thanks for the reassurance Teagan. Facebook can be great fun and there is a lot of lovely and supportive people on there.
  Bullies can find you everywhere and not playing their game is important on every platform.
  Free hugs for everyone ❤
  So annoying. Hence I deleted my Facebook account a very long time ago! I know I should go back on for promotions, but I prefer Twitter. I hear you and This post gives me even more reason to stay away from Facebook. I know it helps but time and quality of life matters too! Have a good one.
  Thanks Chrissy. It isn't all bad on Facebook, I hasten to add. Thanks for the support and all the best! XOX
  I know but I get what you"re saying!
  It's a valid complaint and yes, the folks spamming could and should be more aware of etiquette. It's difficult when you're a follower of all their social media and get the same message five different ways too.
  You may already have discovered this, there is a setting that allows you to like or comment in acknowledgment but then turn off the followup comments. I stumbled on this and have found it infinitely useful.
  Thanks Karin. I also recently learned about this but I don't apply it often enough in the "heat of the moment". Thanks for the reminder and the reassurance. 🙂
  Things got so bad on Facebook I decided I could only go there on my terms. Now when I go in I'm invisible. I can answer mail, leave comments or put something on my page all without being disturbed. I can even chat if I wish without being seen. Added to that I stopped all notifications following me to email so that I choose what I read and you find a contented man.
  I hope you manage to find your own route to keeping out the unwelcome Christoph.
  Thanks David. I must admit I do like it on Facebook most of the time. And then there are days where I want to pull my hair out – or someone else's.
  The post is actually triggered by some bullying a close friend of mine suffered by such pushy people. My post of this topic on Facebook is very popular and gets a lot of thumbs up,
  I couldn't agree more! Every morning when I open my computer I have at least 70-90 emails. It's maddening! And often I quickly delete stuff, trying to get a handle on it, and sometimes miss posts from blogs I actually enjoy, like yours. With Facebook I had to delete the app on my phone because it was just getting ridiculous. And you're right– there is no easy way to stop this. Just "block" and move on. That's the simplest way, because none of these "spammers" will ever see your point of view. Good luck!
  Thank you. The post comes after a very fruitless discussion with one such spammer who upset a dear friend of mine. It's easy to feel bad about it but we really shouldn't. Thanks for the support, it means a lot.~Have a great day! 🙂
  I think you could go to FB and delete all notifications. I can't remember exactly what I did but I don't get a single email on FB related stuff. I only see what I want when I feel like checking FB. I know how you feel, I've been there! Take care!!
  Thank you for the advice. It's tricky to separate the wanted notifications from the unwanted, but I am very grateful to hear you understand. Have a great day 🙂
  LOL. You know you're in control of all of that. Remove yourself from group messages. Unfollow people who clog up your feed. Click on the X on the top right of a post to not get any notifications from responders. Go on your facebook settings and uncheck anything you don't want to get a notification of. My phone stays quiet unless it's a direct message from a friend. Now, if I could figure out how to do all of that on Google+, I'd be a happy camper. 🙂
  Have to admit I do like a rant myself.I find, the more you try to help certain types of people, the more they take for granted – so your rant was reassuring – and made me toughen up a little.Worse, I have a couple of writers who, not only do I get notifications of their 'trumpeting' on FB, I also get personal emails from them asking me to promote their books. I try to do my best on social media but sometimes life, my choice of blogs to follow and my own writing has to take precedence. Don't worry about offending anyone, you're one of the good guys Christoph, you do enough .
  Thank you. BTW, early days but it looks like I may be moving to LLandeilo this spring. Then I can go to your book readings, I hope. Thanks for your kind words Judith.:-)
  Be great to have you in this part of the world, Christoph. And perhaps good to meet up for 'writing' talk.
  I hear you, Christoph! I quietly unfriend, as well, because it does no good to try to politely reply. I've learned that once my name is "out there," it's out there; therefore, I use caution whenever I can. It's unfortunate that this is happening, but it is. It's doubly troublesome when you're an author and promoting your works! Trying to find a Happy Medium on social media is like trying to find the proverbial needle in a haystack! I also forget what I did to eliminate my FB notifications in my emailbox, but it helps with the amount of emails I get. Once in a while, FB will let me know I have notifications, so going to FB, to one place, saves time. You may be able to do this on your FB page?? And no need to apologize for your "rant." I think your frustrations echo others'…
  Well said. Don't even talk to me about it!
  Thank you. A few very good tips.
  I'm administrator in a few groups, so those notifications don't go away. Some are very welcome information, so stopping notifications altogether would mean I'd miss out. I don't get emails for them, though – thank god.
  The trouble starts when I'm out and about, as I can't un-tag etc on the phone.
  Susan Tarr said:
  Firstly, where is LLandeilo? Double LLs = Wales? And secondly, but primarily, I totally support you, Christoph. In all our dealings you have been nothing but a gentleman, a mentor, and a wonderful friend, even when I accidentally put your books on Erotica on Goodreads. Goodness knows how I managed that, but we got through it! And then all the other pitfalls an author new to social media can fall into, you helped me through. I have also found myself tagged in nonsensical postings and struggled to get myself out of them, but have become in some ways quite ruthless in my dealings with them. I know who I want to be in touch with, and I know who I don't. So block/delete has become my friend. Thank you for sharing what is on your heart because it's what's also on so many of our hearts too! Bless you, Christoph.
  First things first: LLandeilo with ll is north of Swansea in Wales.
  And then: Thank you so much for your support and your appreciation. It means the world to me. Part of these pushy tactics are to make the person receiving them feel mean and unreasonable and I am now really pleased I posted this. It seems to resonate with more people than I thought.
  🙂 Love to NZ and a kindred spirit!
  Well, my friend, I can see why you are frustrated! This is why I don't have FB or Twitter accounts. I couldn't keep up with them and don't know how to use them properly. With all that you do, I don't know how you keep up with the social medial stuff. As a self-published author, I'm sure much of your success is connected to your social media savvy, but I just can't go there.
  It must be hard for a kind person like you to get such harsh responses from people. I wish you the best in resolving this dilemma.
  Thank you. I;m getting there. The platforms are too important – for writing and meeting friends – to give up 🙂
  I know you're right, I just don't know how you do it!
  Great rant, Christoph! I never apologize for ranting as a writer. I think it's a wonderful outlet. You express yourself so well, and obviously many readers agree with you.
  You have one of the most amazing personas on FB, and I'm not even there all that often. When I am, you are friendly and welcoming. In the writing groups, you always come across professional, succinct, and helpful.
  If others are hurt or offended because of your request not to be tagged, it's their problem, not yours. Facebook is a social network first, which means there should be no expectation that others will help unless they want to. Even if we are all authors, it is highly inappropriate to make demands of each other. When we include mass tagging with book ads, it is MOST DEFINITELY spamming.
  When I feel overwhelmed by negativity on social media, I usually take a break, or reduce my visibility on the networks. I find this helps.
  I agree rude and aggressive behaviour is all around us on the networks, and sometimes it's hard to block it out completely. For me, however, good manners will never go out of style. And I will only support those people who feel the same way.
  obsidianpoet said:
  I agree. People should not tag you like that. I stopped frequenting lot of author support or help groups on FB because of pushy authors like that.
  That is the frustrating part: that many of us quietly disengaged and leave the platform to others. Sad to hear it affects you, too. Thanks for the comment and the support 🙂
  Author Tammy Dennings Maggy said:
  I'm sorry you've had to deal with this stuff but at the same time it's a relief to know I'm not alone. I can't believe some of the reactions authors have had when I've politely declined to participate in their promotions and asked them to stop tagging me or adding me to groups. I enjoy group activities but I reserve the right to decide if I'll participate in a thread or not. To have people chase me down privately and hound me to help them is over the top.
  It's bullying whether they want to admit it or not and we don't have to take it anymore. Thank you for speaking up. It's the only way we can get this sort of thing to stop.
  Thanks Tammy. The amount of comments is reassuring for all of us. Big hugs ❤
  Thanks Eden. Fortunately there is a LOT of good manners around, too, and for most of the time I am very happy to help. Big hugs ❤
  People always take advantage of good people, Christoph! Just shows what a good person you are! You are simply the best Indie writer supporter out there. And your action to block these very thoughtless people is unfortunate, but the right one.
  Thanks for the compliment Malla! People are just trying to get ahead with their books and businesses. Unfortunately, on the receiving end it can lead to overload and frustration.
  Agree…I have noticed a few unsolicited posts to my phone as well and wondered how they wound up there…not to the extent you are getting them, but occasionally. It is very annoying and it also uses up your phone battery real quick!