text: And while plenty of men who are involuntarily celibate don’t go around murdering people, some of them do, like Minnasian and his fellow incel Elliot Rodger. Rodger made headlines in 2014 as the half-white, half-Asian University of Santa Barbara shooter who was extremely mad about still being a virgin at 22. As a result, he targeted Asian men and white women in a rampage fueled by some pretty disturbing ideas about what he saw as a utopia of sexual activity for men and women perpetually out of his reach.
  Underpinning both of these cases is the assumption that men deserve sex simply because it’s desired, and some reactions prove we would be remiss not to accept that men who don’t have proper outlets for their sexual energy will be up to no good. Andrew Sullivan’s recent tirade against the #MeToo movement indicted feminism for fundamentally misreading the fact of male aggression and horniness. In Sullivan’s view, it’s something men simply can’t help and that women just won’t accept, at their peril.
  But as many people rushed to point out in the wake of the Rodger case, and likely will in connection with Minnasian, getting laid wouldn’t have necessarily prevented either man from becoming violent. The idea that if such men could just get laid they wouldn’t have killed innocent people ignores the fact that men who can get laid in the first place do so because they’re capable of human connection.
  In other words, men like Minnasian and Rodger can’t get laid because they lack the social skills to forge intimacy. “If Rodger had the capacity to be in a real, loving relationship I would imagine that he would have been much less capable of such callous behavior towards others,” psychotherapist Laura Miller told CBS in the wake of the shootings. “His disconnect from the humanity of others and their inherent worth would likely preclude any such relationship from occurring. So I don’t think having a girlfriend or sex is the issue here, but rather a direct result of his lack of self-awareness and lack of empathy towards those around him.”
  In other words, these disturbed dudes who didn’t get sex mistake the sex chicken for the sex egg. They put the blame on lack of sex when lack of sex is a result of their inability to connect with others. The last thing we should do in trying to make sense of their crimes is make the same mistake.
  
  The President of Brazil is a sociopathic monster, but does that mean we can’t trust his opinions on how often to go plop-plops? Let’s find out.
  Could you hold your poop in to save the planet? Should you hold your poop in to save the planet??? Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro thinks you should!
  That, at least, was the narrative everyone ran with this week, because although what he actually dared to suggest was that we could all do with eating a little less, “world leader says stop shitting” gets more clicks. “It’s enough to eat a little less,” he told a journalist who’d asked asked him about the increased deforestation of the Amazon happening under his government. “You talk about environmental pollution. It’s enough to poop every other day. That will be better for the whole world.”
  None of which is to give Bolsonaro a pass — this, after all, is a man who is against abortion; same-sex marriage; gun control; equal pay and affirmative action; who once said General Pinochet “should have killed more people”; and has claimed in the past that climate change is a “Marxist plot.” Not to mention, when it comes to the environmental issue at hand, Brazil’s National Institute for Space Research (INPE), which tracks clear-cutting of the rainforest, reports that around 2,254 square kilometers (870 square miles) of the Amazon were cleared in July alone — that’s an increase of 278 percent from a year ago. The INPE previously reported a 90 percent year-over-year increase in June, after which Bolsonaro sacked the head of the institute, claiming the statistics were “lies.”
  While plenty of people have a perfectly regular once-a-day habit, there are already a lot of people who only drop a deuce every other day. Opening your bomb bay doors anywhere between three times a day and once every three days places you in the normal category, in fact (three times a day just means your body has the same one-in, one-out rule for meals as busy nightclubs have for customers). Your poo-pattern can be affected by age, diet, fiber intake, stress, caffeine or just being somewhere there isn’t anything to do a shit in. Dramatic changes or massive inconsistencies in your shit-schedule (or spending too long on the porcelain throne) might mean you need to take a look at your diet, or a doctor needs to take a look at your bumhole.
  A dump doesn’t disappear if it goes undumped. Assuming Bolsonaro is working from a one-dung-daily model, he’s suggesting that we halve the number of times one goes to have a sit down and put some thoughts on paper by doing it every other day. But while the mass of the plop you’d do on day two might not be quite as large as the combined mass of the two number twos you’d have hypothetically otherwise pressed out, this difference is likely to just be the amount of water in the stool — the amount of undigested food, bacteria and dead cells expelled from your body will remain the same. Essentially, the same amount of fecal matter will end up in the same place it would have gone if you’d just shat twice — the only difference is that by holding it in, you might produce a feculent, pipe-blocking beast.
  Holding it in also isn’t particularly healthy, and can result in abdominal pains, constipation and eventually an impacted bowel. None of those conditions are famed for being particularly beneficial or harmful for the environment, though, so are apparently irrelevant to this discussion.