text: You know how somedays you are just feeling great! You look around and the world is so beautiful that you can’t help but smile. You almost feel like you could…
  Some days more than others we need to listen to our inner voice. We need to listen to our bodies. Today has been that day for me. Many years ago…
  She is growing up and I am not sure I am ready, will I ever be? Part of me is truly loving watching her grow, seeing friendships develop, and watching…
  Parenthood sure has its ups and its downs. I remember when I was pregnant saying to my husband, “I have never been happier in my whole life and at the…
  When I think about you it is hard to not focus on how you died. I know I shouldn’t let my thoughts go to that place, instead I should remember…
  This week motherhood has made me feel; loved frustrated overwhelmed happy like I have no clue what I am doing proud amazed annoyed tired like I can’t stop laughing blessed…
  “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” – Neale Donald Walsch This quote would have scared the crap out of me most of my life, I was the…
  Somedays the mental clutter in my mind is too much. In my mind thoughts swirl around, and although I am not big on keeping lists on paper, my mental to…
  Today was a beautiful day because you were in my life. When morning broke you came into my bed and curled up under my arm just as you have done…
  What do you do? How many times have you been asked this question when you’ve first met someone? I honestly couldn’t tell you how many times I have been asked,…
  It really can be terribly difficult to be so raw, to open up about the struggles we experience. Today I am struggling, today I feel so raw that my body feels weak, my mind scattered, and I am mentally exhausted. To be honest I wasn’t sure I would get a post up today, or the link up either. However, last week I shared this in a post with you;
  “There is no doubt it is easier to talk about our past mistakes, or hurts once they are over rather than whilst going through them, but they truth is we are all going through things and we shouldn’t feel ashamed or feel we have to hide them. I honestly believe that showing what we consider to be our weaknesses actually reveals our greatest strength.”
  It is easier to share the stories when they are over, when our problems are solved, or our hurts have healed we can talk about what we went through and what we learned from our experiences. I didn’t think this is what I would write today, I planned on a happier post, but then for me today that wouldn’t be authentic. I am not in a happy place today.
  The words I chose to live by this year were Living Fearlessly Authentic! Being fearless hasn’t always come naturally to me, it has also been a long journey to being authentic, but I will not place words on my blog that don’t live up to what I promised myself. So I will not pretend that today that I am living in a perfect world with a perfect life. Today I am unhappy, and that is my truth. Still that is not all I am. I am sad, yet I still see how blessed I am, despite today being a really tough day, I still see joy in today, there is always good when you choose to look.
  It has been eight years since my best friend died. Eight years may sound like a lot, yet it feels like it was only last year. When she died I was pregnant with my son, he is now eight and she will never see his big blue eyes that light up the world. Today was particularly hard. I haven’t seen her mother for many years now, despite growing up with my friend always beside me, her mother was not someone I became close too. In fact my friend spent the majority of her life avoiding being in her home. My family became hers, and her friends became her world, her support, her everything.
  It was out of nowhere that her mother called me the other day. I knew that despite everything my friend would want me to see her mum and so I did. I spent the entire day leading up to seeing her in some kind of daze. I knew it would be hard! Part of her visit was lovely, we looked over old school photos and year books, and laughed at letters written between friends. Other parts were hard, like her asking me if my friends and I blamed her, if we were angry at her. How do I answer that? I told her that there were things that she did that we felt were wrong, but that my friend would never want her mother to suffer, or blame herself, I encouraged her to forgive herself.
  When someone takes their own life, everyone around that person blames themselves, asks themselves what we could have done differently. It is easy to look at who we can blame, we point fingers at others and more so ourselves. My friend had the most forgiving heart, and I knew she would not want her mother taking the blame.
  So many twists and turns along her path lead her to that moment. I will always question what could have changed the outcome. No amount of what if’s, or if only’s, can bring back my friend. My heart still aches everyday for her.
  That year as I carried my son in my womb I was told I may die, there was a high chance I wouldn’t survive the birth. If one of us was supposed to die that year it seems all signs had pointed to me. I almost feel survivors guilt. After her mother left today I stood out the front of my home and out of nowhere I started sobbing. Then I opened my front door and my little eight year old son was standing there with a silver sparkly Santa hat on his head, a big grin and his bright blue eyes looking up at me. I didn’t die that year, and seeing his precious little face reminded me of just how truly blessed I feel to be alive. I held my little boy close and told him how grateful I am to have him as my little miracle baby.
  Tonight my heart aches, my head is spinning, but I am here and I am blessed. When she left today, she left me with my friends high school diary. Maybe one day I will read it, I am not sure I should, they were after all her private thoughts. Maybe I shouldn’t be writing all this, maybe it is too long, too sad, but this is me today, authentic and raw. Tomorrow the sun will rise and I will laugh with my children, and hug them close. I will remain perfectly imperfect. I will remain fearlessly authentic and totally me.
  I am taking a much needed holiday with my family leading up to Christmas so #mg will be open this week, and then will be on break for a few weeks, I’ll be back in Jan. Have a wonderful holiday season. Still look out for occasional posts though on my blog xx
  With link ups there are bound to be some blog posts that interest you and some you don’t relate to. Therefore you do not have to read the post prior to yours if it does not appeal to you. Please still share their post on social media though. However, you must comment on at least two posts that do interest you. I also understand some weeks get away from us as bloggers and we can get ill too. If for some reason you struggle to get to comment one week then please make up for it the week after. At the very least share posts on social media, the more the merrier.
  This weeks featured post is Natalie with “Christmas 2017” if you haven’t already read this stop by and take a look it is a lovely post with the joy of little ones at Christmas. Please pop by and congratulate the featured blogger and share their post! Let’s support other bloggers.
  Mackenzie, I am so sorry that this is part of your story — and now part of your Christmas season in which all the sadness seems to multiply while the world turns up the volume on “joy.” I have learned one thing about grief in my limited experience and it is this: time does not make it go away. In fact, it seems to exacerbate the loneliness we feel for the the one who has gone, because when in the world would you have ever let eight years go by without a word from that dear person? It’s going on 15 years for me since the loss of a dear friend, and a day does not go by but what I wish I could ask her something or tell her something. It’s not that I’m crying my eyes out all the time, but that loss is there like a pebble in the shoe. And if we ever stop feeling pebbles in the shoe, we are in danger of losing a foot. So I think the grief stays with us to remind us that we’re not to get to cozy on this planet. It’s all temporary.
  Sending you so much love, Mackenzie. Some wounds are too raw, and some take years and years to heal. It isn’t easy to write about this, I’m sure, but I’m glad you did. xx
  Sometimes we need to cry before we can laugh again.I had a personal loss this year about which i couldn’t talk and couldn’t cry and I just want to bury it deep down.maybe one day I can be raw about it but right now it’s too painful.Thank you #mg for always making me remember why I write.I missed last several weeks trying to play catch up with life.But today I was reminding myself to do it and I did it.Have a wonderful Christmas and a blessed New Year.
  I don’t know what to say. This pain is too much to bear. So, a huge hug from me & I do hope you feel a little better though the hurt will always remain
  Hi Mackenzie I am always inspired by your honesty and don’t ever apologise for that. People would rather read truth and if you are having a bad day it is difficult to portray being ‘on top of the world’. I’m so sorry to hear about your friend and it never really gets any easier once they have gone. Sending you a hug and instructions to take care of you, especially today.
  Glad I caught you before you went on your break and I’m glad I’m here on a day that you need support. It was incredibly brave of you to get a post up today. I find I can never write when I’m upset or disturbed. I’d have disappeared from my blog till I could talk about it.
  I’m so very sorry for your friend. You did well by her mother. I hope both of you find peace in your friend’s memories.
  I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend. 7 years ago I lost a friend who was like a brother to me so I feel your pain on that. But you suffered a bit more as you were pregnant and almost died yourself. I can’t imagine what you went through then but feeling what you feel now and sharing it with us is a beautiful and profound moment and I thank you for being so open and sharing this with us. I wish you the best Mac! #mg linky
  Sending you big, tight, warm healing hugs. You are such a brave person, authentically brave indeed. It takes a lot to write and pour ones heart out publicly when one is feeling distressed and down in the dumps. But you did with so much of courage and lean. I salute your indomitable spirit, sweet one.