text: music « mobyjoe cafe « Page 2
  5 Comments Posted in Essays, Humor, Inspiration, Parenting, Writing Tagged children, family, life, motherhood, music, parenting, personal, teens, women
  2 Comments Posted in Inspiration, Poetry, Writing Tagged music, personal, women
  Down the Rabbit Hole – when did he get so tall?
  Parenting a teen results in some weird moments of role reversal. I've spent 15.5 years being a mother and have gotten pretty comfortable with how the process works. My son falls down, asks for ice and a kiss. I bake cookies, and we snuggle until he feels better.
  That strategy went out the window quite a while ago, but I didn't really understand just how far past it we'd gone until this weekend.
  Lately I've had a bit of a musical crisis of confidence. Historically, I've been a very instinctive player–sort of seat-of-the-pants. Twenty-one months of intensive study, while initially a revelation, shifted into an unhealthy fixation on my lack of technique.
  I've been preparing for a recital and things weren't going well. The music is not beyond my reach. This did not stop me from becoming a hot mess over the whole prospect. My group had a coaching session, a rehearsal of sorts this weekend. While practicing the evening prior, I hurled around a few choice expletives. It wasn't going to be pretty.
  I came downstairs and my son greeted me.
  "I heard you, you know," he said. I know he's heard these words already. I've heard him gaming late at night. He just hasn't heard them from me.
  "Moms curse too. We just don't get grounded for it."
  "Not that," he counters, you idiot implied by his tone. "You shouldn't worry so much. You're very good."
  He's very sweet, I think, but I'm not ready to agree. "I'm not that good these days. I need more time to prepare, but I don't have it." I didn't have any more practice time before the coaching session. I feared it would be excruciating.
  "You know, when I have a test, and I've got all of this stuff to do, sometimes, the test I study for the least is where I do the best." Unsolicited advice is usually my responsibility. I don't remember giving him permission to join in the fun. "I can't overthink it. I just do it, and you will too."
  He hugged me. His chin rested on my head. He's grown again. At least another inch. We both let go in surprise.
  He looks sheepish. "Okay. That was really weird."
  I have to agree. "Uhm. Yeah." He has no idea. "That's not bad advice, you know."
  "Anytime. I'm full of it."
  Thank you, thank you. "That much, I know." He gives me the look. Order in the universe is restored. Sort of. His room is still a disaster. We can only handle so much change at once.
  Photograph by Redjar © 2011 Creative Commons
  2 Comments Posted in Essays, Humor, Inspiration, Parenting, Writing Tagged children, family, life, motherhood, music, parenting, personal, teens, Writing
  5 Comments Posted in Essays, Humor, Inspiration, Parenting, Writing Tagged family, life, motherhood, music, personal
  A note to the soprano in the third row
  The note is over
  Even if you have breath left
  Composer says so
  Photograph by Tracy Allison Altman
  1 Comment Posted in Humor, Poetry, Writing Tagged haiku, Japanese poetry, life, music, personal
  I need faster glasses
  I'm a decent musician. I work at it, slowly, note by note. Sometimes only one note, moving the bow back and forth to master a constant speed, a smooth transition. I don't "do" fast, which makes sight-reading a challenge.
  Sight reading is when someone plops a piece of music on your stand, and you're supposed to play it. Without stopping. At only slightly below performance tempo. Of course, there's always a first read of any piece of music, but generally I get to do it in private. I always dread our first orchestra rehearsal, because it's like flying without a net. After we finish, I take the music home and work it obsessively for the next week, listening to recordings, working through the fingerings and the difficult passages so I won't be caught flat at the next rehearsal.
  My orchestra has four evenings of sight-reading during the summer. I used to avoid going because I found it too stressful. For the last couple of years I've had to go because I'm the librarian and I handle the music. We met Monday night for our first reading and believe it or not…it was fun.
  I've been studying with my teacher for a year and a half. That's definitely helped. I recognize patterns faster, and my fingers are more nimble. I think the bigger shift, however, has been my attitude towards perfection and a focus on process rather than outcome. Sight reading requires one to experience the music as a whole, rather than perfect note by perfect note. You play the note and keep moving, or don't play the note, but keep moving. If you can't manage a passage, fluff it, fake it, or forget it, but it can't stop you because there's another note waiting for you right after it. And another after that, and so on.
  When I would sight-read before, my focus would turn inward–what I was playing. Now, it's turned outward–what we are playing. Viewing my music as part of a whole keeps me in the flow. I may not know the piece, but I know enough about music to know how my part works within the context of others. Unless we're playing Hindemith or Schoenberg. Then all bets are off.
  I'm beginning to think perhaps life is not unlike sight-reading. One never knows the plan of a moment or a day. It unfolds in front of us in real time. We can move with it, or be left behind, but it doesn't wait for us. If I pay attention to what is going on around me, even if I miss a note or two, or even blow an entire passage, there are others to help me find my way back in. Being in harmony and in synch is more valuable than being perfect and solitary.
  I would still prefer to be able to play what is on the page with preparation and confidence. I cannot read the notes quickly enough to get them all–I need faster glasses. The more I work at sight-reading, however, the less daunting it is. Learning to lighten up a little wouldn't hurt either. Worrying about how I'm doing it prevents me from actually having fun while doing it. It also helps to remember that most everyone is too busy worrying about their own mistakes to concern themselves with mine.
  "Winging it" has never been part of my personal lexicon, but then again, neither was noobtuber. Stranger things have happened.
  Comic – Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller
  3 Comments Posted in Essays, Humor, Inspiration, Writing Tagged life, music, personal, Sight reading, women