text: BATTLES, PART II | Aromick's Blog
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  March 16, 2009 by aromick
  I was certain that when I returned in 10 to 15 minutes and suggested showering again he would comply. He did not. Taking his jeans and shirt into the bathroom, he shaved and dressed. The next morning I went through the same routine, but again there was no shower. He made excuses such as, "Why should I shower, I'm not dirty." It wasn't two days, it was actually three because I have been scheduling his shower every other day.
  I'm never really sure which of Ken's three personalities I am waking in the morning? Is it Ken, Mr. Hyde or is it Buddy? All three are grumpy, but before Alzheimer's Ken would have been up for hours. Gradually the disease has put an end to Ken as a morning person and to make matters worse, he developed Shingles in 2006. The sparodic pain plagues him with a vengence all through his back and across the front of his upper torso. The doctor tells me that when older people get the ailment it usually stays the rest of their life. It would appear that's the case with Ken.
  No matter which of the three personalities he is in the morning he still complains about pain. In an effort to bring him some comfort, I tell him how sorry I am that he hurts. He answers with, "It's not your fault." Hoping to change his shower refusal to "yes," I counter, "The warm water will make you feel better." And actually it does, but he answers, "No it won't and it's not your back." I leave him alone and return later to try again. He is insistent, "No." It's day four without a shower. "You're beginning to stink," I tell him as he passes me in the hall fully dressed." "So do you," he shoots back. "No I don't. I took my shower." I'm losing the battle and I'm not sure what to do next. Will this problem force me to place him in a full-care facility? I'm not ready for that wrenching decision.
  It's day five without a shower and Sunday. Sleeping as late as he does we haven't been getting to church. In the past when I greeted him with, "We're going to church, you had better shower and shave," he was always willing to shower before getting into his "good" clothes. Even in his demented state he wanted to be at his best to enter the Lord's house.
  This particular Sunday I too slept late. As we lay in bed I mentioned that we had been invited to our daughter's house for an early dinner. "You had better take a shower," I said. "Why?" he questioned. "Because we're going out and you need to be clean. Remember?" He thought for a moment then said, "I'll see what mommie wants me to do." With that I knew he was 12-year-old Buddy, and possibly an even younger Buddy with his reference to "mommie." Picking up on the clue I decided it might be in my best interest to take on a third personality for myself, that of his sister, Loretta. I began, "Mom left me in charge today and she said I was to see that you took a shower." So, in addition to Carla, Mr. Hyde's housekeeper/cook/caregiver; I am also Loretta, Buddy's older, bossy sister. Apparently, it all worked. Buddy took a shower.
  The shower problem might have been just a phase, a momentary pause in his personal care routine, but to be on the safe side I now suggest that he shower every morning. It's for certain that he won't comply on a daily basis — and if he does that's all right. If not, then at least my chances of success are considerably increased. Furthermore, when Buddy is present, I have also decided to take on the role of Loretta and make every effort to address him as "Buddy" rather than Ken. He seems to take comfort in hearing the "family" reference. The top advantage of my being Loretta is that it will give me the authority to answer any "Why?" questions. As the big sister in charge I can just say, "Because Mom said so!"