text: DarwinCatholic: No children, thanks, we're travelling
  The anti child mindset really ticks me off! What are they really thinking?!?
  But the one that gets me the most is the "oh, we can't afford kids." Let's rephrase that statement, "we don't want kids and we found a way to justify it for ourselves by believing we can't afford them."
  You have a right to feel irritated by that woman's statement, it is ticking me off just reading about it.
  And 4) Just how friggin' sad is it that anyone considers a child anything but a blessing? It's bad enough that people who aren't parents can't find it within themselves to realize what a blessing children are, but what about people who have children - like this lady? Incredible! Let's read between the lines for her children, shall we? "Son/daughter, you are making a good decision to not have children, they really aren't worth it (read YOU), in fact they (read YOU) are so bad I am thankful that I won't have any grandchildren (read little YOUs) complicating MY life. Go forth and be unburdened with the likes of yourself.
  This kind of attitude ties in with a post steve bogner just made about non-political action against abortion. http://bogners.typepad.com/church/2006/11/nonpolitical_ac.html He pointed out how some many of our attitudes lead to a climate where abortion is favoured. One quote from him: "What have we done to teach them about the value of a human life compared to getting a start on a career or going to the right college at the right time? Did we teach them that the value of life is higher than the embarrassment of making mistakes? Or have we loaded them up with so much guilt, shame, ambition and fear that they feel compelled to have and hide an abortion?"
  Very sad indeed... in fact very sad from so many aspects...
  Ask couples not planning to have kids why they're doing it and I guarantee that 80% of them will answer "we want to travel..." first. And back in my pre-God days when I said that my husband and I did want to have children as soon as possible after we got married I got a strongly negative reaction from my friends and family. "Why would you do that to yourself? Don't you want to TRAVEL???" is one verbatim quote. We had spent the past three years doing pretty much nothing but traveling but evidently this wasn't enough.
  But, in retrospect, maybe we shouldn't have gone the route we did. Instead of little DB (who is happily chattering away right now about our big day at the haircut store) I could have some vacation photos stuck in a drawer somewhere. Hmmm...tough call.
  "Baby aversion therapy" at work.
  Not directly related, but via Drudge, a quote from Scarlett Johansson:
  I'm actually proof of what she's talking about: I was born a year before Roe and am my mother's sixth child. Sorry mom.
  (Unfortunately, my own mother is now in the "fewer-kids, more-travel" camp.)
  When I was suffering through infertility, I had a woman (who had 6 children) who would tell me that I should be glad that I couldn't have kids....she said raising her kids were the worst years of her life. It used to make me soooo angry! I finally asked her which of her kids she would send back. That made her stutter a bit...she also said this in front of her own children, which hurt their feelings....and these were not difficult children.
  Those 6 kids ended up being such a blessing to her as she was dying from cancer...I often wondered if she changed her mind about it then.
  I have a sister who has 6 children and occasionally someone will make a remark to her and her husband, and her husband always says that his kids will be the ones paying into Social Security and taking care of them when they're old and don't have anyone else to do it...hehe..
  Hmmm my grandparents were able to travel all over and they had 7 kids, I guess there is something to be said for having many siblings, i.e. aunts and uncles to babysit the kids while mom and dad take a vacation!
  What a hollow comfort it must be to die alone, with no loving children around, I wonder how much a trip to Paris or Bermuda means on one's deathbed?
  Very good posting. I know it probably would not have been apropriate considering your work with the fundraising, but I wonder what the response would have been had you said something to this lady about this.
  11/20/2006 9:08 PM
  Irritating indeed. I tell ya, with the recent birth of our third (THIRD!) little blessing, I've gotten several comments at work, "You know what causes that, right?"
  How sad it is that so many people basically view their children (if any) as secondary to their pursuit of happiness. Apparently, they view kids as an impediment to satisfy thier selfish desires. Ironically, children are one the best sources of joy and happiness.
  I've resorted to snarkiness when posed the question of how children happen. "But we're so good at it!" or "Well, we don't have cable..." I'm searching for a snarky way to respond that also adequately gets across the point that we intended to bring this child into the world. Have at it, y'all... and many thanks to all the well wishes etc... from the previous post.
  If a childless person asks you "You know what causes that?" you could always reply, "Yes, but you don't seem to have it figured out yet."
  I don't remember if I just thought this or actually said it, but my immediate response was how upset my own mother would have been if I'd decided not to have children.
  On the other hand, you may have taken her statement too much at face value. (Not having been there,) it sounds to me like she's trying to persuade herself that she's ok with their decision. Since you are a kindly stranger, she may have been hoping that you would either (a) agree with her, thus vindicating her support of her daughter or (b) gently argue with her, which would strengthen her convictions and give her ammunition against her daughter. People often say things they don't really believe to judge the reactions of others.
  11/21/2006 11:49 AM
  Some good responses this father of six has heard from other parents of large families:
  "Our genes are so good, it would be a crime not to pass them on."
  "When we have an ugly one, then we'll stop."
  "We're raising pro-life voters - lots of them."
  Not being nimble on my feet, about all I could ever respond with to the many, many crass remarks I've encountered over the years is to flash a joyful smile, thank God publicly for another great blessing, and talk about how happy our family was to be expecting another child...
  So, I got asked the question again today (it must be the favorite question for guys to ask), "Did you figure out what causes that?" At the suggestion of a good friend, I told him that if he and his wife needed any tips, pointers, or advice, my wife and I would be willing to help. ;-)
  11/21/2006 5:06 PM
  I like to be more abrasively confrontational: I just tell such folks, really I have, that this is a shameful, self-hating, self-neutering attitude and that it disgusts me.