text: >Young enough to remember how fucking awful teenagers are, but old enough to think she can make a difference
  >"C'mon, Celly-belly, he can't be more than 5 years younger than you are. You're not some sort of creepy pedo-woman if you're basically the same age!"
  >Anon isn't gay, and so he's pretty receptive when Celestia starts hitting on him (in such a way that gives her plausible deniability if Anon isn't down to clown and things go south for her)
  >ywn walk her home and find her stalling you at the door to keep you there as long as she can without inviting you in since its only the first date and she doesn't want you to think that she's a player
  >"Hyoomahns are the only ape species that doesn't look gross when shaved. Mostly because they are naturally bald."
  >"Hyoomahns are very mellow creatures, which is surprising due to the way they hunt prey. Why is that human chasing that deer? What is he doi- OH S[beep] blur it!"
  >"That's right folks, hyoomans may look cuddly and harmless but what lies underneath that harmless exterior is a cold blooded predator. Which proves how good at hunting they are because they are warm blooded."
  >"Hyoomahns can hunt like this because they don't want to cool down, they sweat. Imagine being in a room that is too hot, so you cry. With your entire body. That is how a Hyoomahn do."
  >"Because they are both social animals and predators, hyoomahns are great beby caretakers. Hyoomahn bebies are unable to do anything but cry, eat, and poop for the first few years of life. So you better damn well be a good parent. I mean foals are kind of the same but for like a few months."
  >"Just remember, if you are being chase by a Hyoomahn holding a spear, you will either die horribly or he is holding a dildo."
  >it turns out that in pegasus society the father is expected to spend at least a month cradling their foal so that the (nearly blind) child will remember the feel and scent of their arms and will associate them with safety
  >ywn have a foal that literally dives straight into your arms whenever it perceives something as dangerous
  >You had just returned from a bathroom break to find something you really hadn't been expecting to see
  >The thought that Anonymous, the newest resident of Ponyville who didn't know anything about pony culture, would find your egg