text: I return to this completely ignored space to acknowledge my daughter's 18th birthday.
  [Oh my god. That says 18.]
  Earlier this week we sat in a sample lecture at the accepted students' day of a college you are considering. The psychology professor talked about personality traits and stated there is research indicating that personality can be known within hours of someone being born.
  Which is why your Birthday Letter is always titled "Happy Birthday Happiness".
  You prove this Professor's point. You beamed out happiness within hours of arriving in the world on Friday, April 23, 2004. You have personified happiness since Day 1.
  As you embark on adulthood hold onto your happiness. You exude it when you get up and rarely have that grumpy teenager sheen. You ensure your happiness when we travel by planning the itinerary. Our trip to Southern California last month was pretty much all your planning. You meticulously mapped out the great college tour of 2021 and were proud of how it all worked out. You came up with fun ideas when you, Dad and I went to Iceland.
  But it is not just when we travel (which I love to do with you because you are fun to travel with. And really hope this continues) but also in all parts of life. You are genuinely happy when you complete a task, even before you receive feedback. I admire that you appreciate your efforts. You have worked a variety of jobs and the act of working gives you satisfaction.
  Of course there will be days, weeks - painfully even months - when happiness could be elusive but that is different from being worthy of happiness. You bring so much joy to the world and the people around you through your hard work, love of music, big smile and compassion. Always remember that you also give yourself happiness.
  As we drove back from the college this week we played - several times - Lizzo's new song About Damn Time. It couldn't be a more perfect tune to celebrate you turning 18.
  You get better every day and that is reason alone to be happy.
  Labels: birthday letters, daughter, family Posted by soccer mom in denial at 12:30 AM
  It seems only fitting that the day my twin boys turn 21 years old we are preparing for the first hurricane to hit our region in 30 years. Their shared arrival certainly upended our lives and changed our history as a family.
  However, this year feels different because while they are separate people my message to them is the same.
  So I return, once again, to this completely ignored space on the interwebs to acknowledge my twin boys' 21st birthday.
  Dear son and son,
  Every year for your shared birthday I write each of you a letter that I don't actually give you but I post on this blog that I barely go to. Every year I make an observation or five, impart some wisdom, assure you both I love you then wish you a Happy Birthday.
  This year is different. This year you both are turning 21. Watching and listening to you both this year has been watching you be the adults you are. The adults you are becoming. I finally get to truly marvel at who you each are and not worry that my awe will overshadow some lesson or punishment. Because it is hard to be the stern disciplinarian assuring you have manners and common sense when being awe-struck. Now I just get to be awe-struck.
  While being a parent of young children and teens is fun and rewarding, I've been waiting for this time. The time I get to just listen and not have to fix something because now you both have the skills and resources to do it yourself. The time when we talk not because of some obligation but because we want to share something, laugh about something, figure out something or just remember. Rest assured I'll still listen to your problems but more often than not I hope you'll figure out that you have the skills, strength and means to fix them yourself. It may take some time, even years, but you'll figure it out. Then I'll get to be awe-struck again.
  This is the big birthday for all of us. You're adults and I'm your adoring mom. A role I will treasure and relish and celebrate.
  Just like I do each of you.
  Labels: birthday letters, family Posted by soccer mom in denial at 6:30 AM
  I return to this completely ignored space to acknowledge my twin boys' 19th birthday. I'm still marveling that these 6'1" young men started off on August 22, 2000 as 30-week premies each weighing less than four pounds. In a week they head off to college.
  The other day the boat had to be taken out of the water so it wouldn't be buffeted about during high winds and incoming storms. It needed to be driven across the bay to a launch deep enough to accommodate the trailer. Your dad drove the truck and you were driving the boat. I hopped in with you.
  That 20 minute ride was thrilling and humbling. Thrilling because it was fast and bumpy. The sun was shining and we were laughing. Humbling because driving a boat is a skill I don't have. If we got in a predicament I'd have looked to you to figure out the next step. You were confident and knowledgeable.
  This is the first of many things you'll do on your own, skills you'll gain without me, experiences that I will never hear about as you leave for college next week. I know you will move forward with purpose, learn and grow from your mistakes and make a difference.
  Yet another article has come out about how oral health care has contributed to the overuse and abuse of opioids. Earlier this summer you had jaw surgery requiring an overnight stay at the hospital. You bleed for days. Yet you dealt with the crushing, mind-numbing pain with little more than ibuprofen and ice packs. You were begging to go back to work six days after the surgery despite not being able to chew or use a straw.
  You are stronger than you give yourself credit. As you head off to college next week remember that strength. Remember how you overcame crushing pain and very bleak moments. Remember that you wanted to work while still in pain because it helped take your mind off it.
  Life is going to be full of opportunities, challenges, pain and triumph. Your path isn't going to be a straight course through a set of check boxes but you will figure it out. And it'll be amazing to watch.
  I love you more than you will understand.
  Posted by soccer mom in denial at 7:29 AM
  You found my blog and have been reading your birthday letters. So instead of being something I wrote that went out into the ether, this is now something you're going to read. In real time.
  First off, happy birthday. You start thinking about your next birthday the night of your current birthday (so tonight you will start planning for your 16th). You truly enjoy birthdays and I hope you never lose that joy of having a day to celebrate you and all that you are.
  But you should celebrate you every day (not with gifts, don't get greedy). You personify resiliency. You have shown great strength and perseverance since a young age and I continue to marvel at.
  You started at a new school last fall. You wanted to attend a co-ed school after three years at an all-girls school in part so you would have peers to look in the eye. At 6'2" you were tired of being the tallest human being on campus and now have tall guys in the mix in your classes.
  You also wanted to try rowing and this new school has a low-key team. You walked into the boathouse the school uses and found other super tall people from other schools and programs. You found a sport that celebrates your height that doesn't involve running (basketball) or jumping (volleyball) both which aggravates your knees. Last month you tried out for a competitive club program and now row six days a week. It's a level of intensity I didn't think you were ready for and once again you are showing strength and perseverance as you deal with really nasty blisters, throwing up after intense 2Ks on the erg, and sore muscles.