text: Ugh. Why do I still feel like crap? I thought I’d be totally confident after all of this divorce stuff was over, so why is my confidence still in the dumpster? Like, what is wrong with me?
  Ain’t nothing wrong with you, sweetheart. You’re feeling like this because you may have never been given that confidence early on in your life–the confidence that would have helped you not feel terrible once you were newly single.
  If you were raised being told to pipe down, that girls should always act like little ladies, that girls should never get angry or raise their voices, that girls should not like mud pies nor frogs nor sports or anything else that boys like, and that the #1 thing a woman should aim for is to be a perfect wife and perfect mother and all your actions were based against your ability to fulfill these ideals, then chances are, you did not get that foundation of confidence growing up.
  You know why you struggle learning to pronounce French words in that adult education class you’re taking? It’s because your mind is resistant to picking up that new information. Does that mean you throw your hands up in frustration and say, “forget this–I’ll never learn this foreign language. It’s too late for me.”
  Feeling strong, setting boundaries, investing in yourself, and internalizing that you don’t have to please anybody and that you don’t owe anybody anything are the foundations to feeling confidence as a divorcee. And although it will take a lot of work and a lot of patience to feel secure in all of these things, it is 100% possible to learn them.
  Martha Bodyfelt is a certified Divorce Recovery and Dating Coach whose website, “Surviving Your Split,” helps readers break out of their divorce rut, regain their confidence, and move on with their lives.