text: See if you can appreciate my dilemma. I was getting into the car after an uneventful family outing. I was saddling up in a fashion that left my posterior an attractive target, and my wife gave it a good swat.
  If your enemy is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he is in superior strength, evade him. If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate them. If sovereign and subject are in accord, put division between them. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected.”