It is true that he had no wife, that is to say, she was as no wife to him, and so I was in no danger that way, but the just reflections of conscience oftentimes snatch a man, especially a man of sense, from the arms of a mistress, as it did him at last, though on another occasion. On the other hand, though I was not without secret reproaches of my own conscience for the life I led, and that even in the greatest height of the satisfaction I ever took, yet I had the terrible prospect of poverty and starving, which lay on me as a frightful spectre, so that there was no looking behind me. But as poverty brought me into it, so fear of poverty kept me in it, and I frequently resolved to leave it quite off, if I could but come to lay up money enough to maintain me. But these were thoughts of no weight, and whenever he came to me they vanished; for his company was so delightful, that there was no being melancholy when he was there; the reflections were all the subject of those hours when I was alone.
D'autre part, quoique je ne fusse pas sans de secrets reproches de ma conscience pour la vie que je menais, et cela jusque dans la plus grande hauteur de la satisfaction que j'éprouvai, cependant j'avais la terrible perspective de la pauvreté et de la faim, qui m'assiégeait comme un spectre affreux, de sorte qu'il n'y avait pas à songer à regarder en arrière; mais ainsi que la pauvreté m'y avait conduite, ainsi la crainte de la pauvreté m'y maintenait-elle; et fréquemment je prenais la résolution de tout abandonner, si je pouvais parvenir à épargner assez d'argent pour m'entretenir; mais c'étaient des pensées qui n'avaient point de poids, et chaque fois qu'il venait me trouver, elles s'évanouissaient: car sa compagnie était si délicieuse qu'il était impossible d'être mélancolique lorsqu'il était là; ces réflexions ne me venaient que pendant les heures où j'étais seule.