Lastly, I can vouch--as improbable as it seems--that even if I had wanted to destroy all my illusions, even if I had been willing to "give in to despair," I could not have done so!
Enfin je l'affirme bien que cela paraisse improbable - , si je cherchais à détruire en moi toute illusion, si je voulais « désespérer », je ne le pouvais pas !