The National Fat Cunt Prevention Board 

My name is Norman and I'm from the Fat Cunt Prevention Board. It has been brought to our attention that you are a fat cunt, and I have been asked to investigate your case. Please contact me at:

1 Penis Lane
Penistown

Or you could fly out and visit me. Apparently you can now fly direct to Penistown with Penis Airways from Dublin Airport. 

Anyway let me know if you are a fat cunt, as if you are a fat cunt we need to murder you. 

Toodles!