Q: What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that gets right up in your face? A: Too close for comfort food!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Comfort food is food that makes you feel good, perhaps by reminding you of a special time, place, or person. Comfort food is usually high in calories like macaroni and cheese, or lasagna.
“Too close for comfort” is an idiom that can mean that someone or something is really too close to you, very near to you like the car that almost hit you, or the dog barking at your feet. It can also be more figurative, such as when someone says, “That conversation about coronavirus is a little too close to home.” In that example, someone who is worried about the virus might not want to have to talk about it; the topic is too close to home.
This joke is funny because it combines “too close for comfort” with “comfort food.”
Here is how to make one of my favorite comfort foods (thanks mom and grandma), grilled cheese sandwich-


Q: What did the Daddy Scissors say to his children when they acted up? A: Cut it out!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Of course, the scissors would say, “Cut it out!”
“To act up” means to behave badly, like students who sometimes act up at school and get in trouble with their teacher or the principal.
“Cut it out” has two meanings: First, is the literal meaning that you can cut something out, like cutting a coupon out of the newspaper; second is the idiom where “cut it out” means to stop doing something. If someone tells you to “cut it out,” that person wants you to stop doing whatever you are doing.
This joke is funny because it plays with two meanings of “cut it out.” Check out these two art projects you can do with paper and scissors. (The first one we can all do; the second one takes more skill!)


Q: How do you make a Chinese egg roll? A: Just give it a little push!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Many families will be celebrating Easter this weekend, so an egg joke seemed appropriate.
A Chinese egg roll is a type of food served at many Chinese restaurants (and they are really good). In the name of this food, ‘roll’ is a thing (a noun); the words before ‘roll’ tell what type of roll (adjectives): an egg roll, a Chinese egg roll.
Roll is also a verb that describes what a wheel does as it turns (it rolls) or what a rock does as it goes down a hill (it rolls). If you push an egg, it will roll. This will happen to an egg from anywhere such as China or France or Peru.
This joke is funny because it creates an expectation for one type of answer, but it gives a different answer. When you hear the question, how do you make a Chinese egg roll, you expect the answer to include instructions, perhaps a recipe, about one of my favorite foods–egg rolls. What you get is a funny answer because, of course, if you push an egg, it will roll.
Here is an egg rolling contest from Iowa:


Q: Can you keep a sick, bald bird in your house? A: No, that’s ill-eagle!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Many of us are staying home so that the world can flatten the coronavirus curve. With that in mind, I offer you an eagle joke and a live eagle cam so you can virtually leave the house.
The eagles in the live-cam video below are called bald eagles because the adults have white feathers on their heads. From far away it appears that they are bald. People who are bald have no hair on their heads. Bald eagles are the only well known birds that have the word ‘bald’ in their name (maybe the only one).
Ill means the same thing as sick. So, a sick, bald bird is a sick eagle, or an ill eagle. Illegal means not legal, something that is against the law.
This joke is funny because ill eagle sounds like illegal. And it is illegal to have an ill eagle.
Here are some healthy, live bald eagles from the Minnesota Eagle Cam:


Q: How do you stay warm in any unheated room? A: Just sit in the corner where it is always 90º!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: To understand this joke, you need to think about the temperature. 90º Fahrenheit is a hot temperature. Well, for me it is hot; maybe not for people living in places like Australia, India, the Middle East and Phoenix that experience hotter temperatures.
Fahrenheit is a scale that measures temperature. Most of the world uses Celsius, not Fahrenheit, to measure temperatures (but this joke only works with Fahrenheit because 90º Fahrenheit equals about 32º Celsius).
90º is also the measure of a right angle, an angle that is found in a corner. This joke is funny because it plays with the two meanings of 90º (read ninety degrees)–a warm temperature and the measure of a corner.
Learn how to draw a 90º angle without a protractor-


Q: What do you call a fake Irish stone? A: A shamrock!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: March 17th is St. Patrick’s Day, in honor of the patron saint of Ireland.
A shamrock is a bit of clover, typically with three leaves as you see in the picture. It is sometimes used as symbol of Ireland. People say that St. Patrick, a Catholic missionary priest, used it to teach about the Christian Holy Trinity.
If something is a sham, it is fake, not what it is supposed to be. In the case of this joke, a sham-rock would be a rock (rock and stone are synonyms) that is not really a rock.
This joke is funny because it plays with the word sham and the word shamrock.
The music and dancing below is not a sham, it is Riverdance:


Q: Why did the banana put on sunscreen? A: He didn’t want to peel!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: The outside of a banana, the yellow part that you do not eat, is called the peel. (The outside of an lemon is called a rind and the outside of an apple is called the skin.) Peel is also the verb when you take off the outside of the banana, orange or apple: I peel the orange before I eat it.
When you get a sunburn, sometimes your skin will peel, that is, the top layer of skill will come off because your sun-damaged skin is healing itself. If you do not want to get a sunburn and if you do not want your skin to peel, it is a very good idea to use sunscreen lotion to protect your skin.
This joke is funny because it plays with two meanings of the word peel: the outside of a banana, and what happens to your skin after a sunburn. (Banana peels can also be slippery so I thought of the title from Simon and Garfunkel.)
Did you know? There are…


Q: What do you tell a hitchhiker on leap day? A: Hop in!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Happy leap day, leap year day, February 29! It’s not every year I can explain a joke on February 29!! (Leap year happens once every four years.)
To begin with, a hitchhiker is a person who waits by the side of a road or highway looking for someone to drive him/her down the road. Often hitchhikers will use their right thumb to show that they want a ride. Hitchhiking is sometimes called “thumbing a ride” and it is very dangerous to do. It is also dangerous to pick up hitchhikers if you are driving. Please don’t hitchhike or pick up hitchhikers.
“Hop in” is a common idiom that means you can get in the car. Leap and hop are synonyms.
This joke is funny because telling someone to hop on leap day is funny
Here is a song about hitchhiking by Vanity Fare (lyrics):
The title for this post alludes to the book series Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.


Q: What did the tiger say to her cubs before they went out to play? A: Be careful–it’s a jungle out there!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: A jungle is a forest in tropical areas. In a jungle there are many trees and plants that no one takes care of because they grow on their own. There are many wild animals and birds in the jungle; there are lots of insects, too. A jungle can be a dangerous place for someone who is not familiar with it.
In English, “it’s a jungle out there” is an idiom that means that a place or a situation is dangerous or threatening.
This joke is funny because the tiger in the joke is actually in a jungle. No need to use that idiom in the jungle.
Check out this tiger cub in the jungle:


Q: What did the ol’ pirate say on his birthday? A: Aye, matey!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Happy birthday, matey, and have some cake! “Matey” means pal or friend.
Ol’ means old; the apostrophe (‘) replaces the ‘d’ in old just like the apostrophe replaces the ‘o’ in didn’t (did not).
This joke is funny because of the sounds. If you say “Aye, matey” slowly, it sounds like “I’m eighty (80).” Pirates say things like, “Aye, matey.” To hear some more things that pirates say you can watch this video, talk-like-a-pirate video, matey.


Q: What do you get when you cross a bear with a forest? A: Fur trees!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Can you imagine a tree with fur growing on it? No, fur grows on animals, specifically, on mammals. Trees can’t grow fur, but bears can. All bears have fur covering their bodies.
Trees, on the other hand, grow leaves. Even pine trees have leaves because their needles are a type of leaf. Fir trees are a type of pine tree with needles.
This joke is funny because it plays with the words fur and fir which sound the same. Thinking about a fur tree, a tree with fur, is funny.
Here are some bears in trees (and there are fir trees nearby, I think):


Q: What does an angel use to light a campfire? A: A match made in heaven!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: When people go camping, sometimes they will build a campfire for cooking, roasting marshmallows, or telling stories.
To build a fire you need dry wood (small pieces to start the fire) and a match to light the fire. Matches are small sticks or pieces of cardboard that you strike on the match box to create a flame, fire.
“A match made in heaven” is an idiom meaning a perfect match, usually referring to two people who make a good couple.
This joke is funny because it plays with the word match (the stick used to create fire) and the idiom “a match made in heaven.” Because angels come from heaven, they would use matches that come from heaven to start their fire.
If you want to see how matches are made, watch here:


Q: Why shouldn’t you tell secrets on a farm? A: Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Ah, yes- more food jokes!
When you look at a potato, you will see it has small bumps sticking out. It is from these points that new potato plants will grow. These points are called eyes, potato eyes. No, potatoes cannot see with their eyes.
An ear of corn was explained here. When you take corn from the field, harvest the corn, you are taking the ears off of the plant.
This joke is funny because it plays with the word eyes (eyes you see with/eyes of a potato) and ears (ears you hear with/ears of corn). If potatoes can see you and the corn can hear you, you probably shouldn’t tell secrets!
Learn to grow potatoes here:


Q: What did one plate say to the other? A: Dinner is on me!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: When a meal such as breakfast, lunch, or dinner is served, it is typically put on a plate. If you go to a restaurant, the server may bring your food on a tray; the plates are then taken from the tray and set on your table. Your food is on the plate. So, if a plate full of food is talking, dinner (or lunch or breakfast) is really on the plate.
“Dinner is on me” is also an idiom that means, “I will pay for your food.” When you go to a restaurant and someone says to you, “Dinner is on me,” it means that the speaker will buy your meal. (Be sure to say, “Thank you” if someone buys your dinner!)
This joke is funny because it plays with the idiom, “dinner is on me.” Dinner is actually on the plate… and, in this joke, the plate will pay for dinner. (By the way, the title “My treat” is another idiom that means that the speaker will pay for the meal.)
Learn how to make a plate here:


Q: What does the gingerbread boy put on his bed? A: Cookie sheets!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: A gingerbread boy is a type of cookie that is made out of gingerbread and cut in the shape of a person. Many people in the United States bake gingerbread cookies during December and decorate them with frosting.
Sheets are used to cover a mattress before you lie down on it.
Cookie sheets are flat pieces of metal that are used to bake cookies. When you put the cookie dough on the cookie sheet you can put it into the oven.
This joke is funny because it plays with the word ‘sheet;’ there are sheets that you put on a bed and cookie sheets that are used for baking.
If you would like to make your own gingerbread cookies you can watch this video. (If you go to the video on YouTube you will see the recipe.)


Q: What is a wizard’s favorite class in school? A: Spelling!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: To spell a word (verb) is to say each letter in the word one by one: l – e – t – t – e – r. (Spelling in English is a challenge!)
The magic words that wizards says are called spells (noun). When a wizard casts a spell, some magic will happen.
This joke is funny because it plays with the different meanings of the word spell. Here are some spells from the Harry Potter movies:


Q: What do you call a dog that can tell time? A: A watch-dog!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: A watchdog is a dog that guards your house; they are also known as guard dogs. (Watchdog can also refer to a group or agency that makes sure that other groups are doing good work.)
A watch is something you use to tell what time it is; a watch is typically worn on your wrist although some people use pocket watches. (A clock also shows the time but is usually on a wall or on a table.)
This joke is funny because it makes you think of a dog wearing a watch: A watch-dog. Can you imagine a dog wearing a watch, telling time?
While these dogs below may not be able to tell time, they do a great job of herding:


Q: What has many ears but cannot hear? A: A field of corn!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: “Ear” has two meanings (when used as a noun, a thing): 1) Most people (and most animals) have an ear on each side of their head that allow them to hear sound; 2) ear also means the whole cob of corn (see the picture).
This joke is funny because it plays with two meanings of the word ‘ear.’
By the way, ear is used in some common idioms such as I’m all ears (listening completely), I learned it by ear (to learn a song by listening), and Your suggestion went in one ear and out the other (something you heard but it did not impact you in any way).
Harvest time is coming to an end in the northern hemisphere so I thought a corn joke would be appropriate. Watch the corn harvest here:


Q: What kind of shoes does a ninja wear? A: Sneakers!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: A very long time ago in Japan, ninjas worked as secret agents for the government; they were spies who were trained in the martial art of ninjutsu. They were known for being very quiet when they worked so that no one would hear them; ninjas sneak around quietly. To sneak (verb) means to go quietly so that no one will hear you.
Sneakers (noun) is another word for tennis shoes or running shoes.
This joke is funny because it plays with the word sneaker: Both a type of shoe and someone who sneaks.
Do Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wear sneakers?


Q: Can a leopard hide anywhere he wants? A: No, he is always spotted!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: If you have ever seen a leopard, you will know that leopards have spots. Spots are the round marks that a leopard has on its fur.
Spot can also be used as a verb. To spot something means to find it or notice it while looking for it- I spotted a squirrel in the tree.
This joke is funny because it plays with the word spot. A leopard is spotted (adjective) because it has spots; a leopard is spotted (verb) when you see it.
This is from Rudyard Kipling‘s Just So Stories about How the Leopard Got His Spots:


Q: What is the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer? A: A pirate buries his treasure while a cranberry farmer treasures his berries!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Cranberries are a sour fruit, related to blueberries, that are used to make cranberry sauce and cranberry juice. Because they are so sour they are not usually eaten by themselves.
Pirates are, well, pirates (think Pirates of the Caribbean).
This joke is funny because it plays with the word treasure. When used as a noun it is a thing that is very important to you, like the treasure that pirates bury. When it is a verb, you treat it with respect because of its value to you, you treasure it.
Watch the cranberry harvest here-


Q: Why is a tree like a noisy dog? A: Because each has a lot of bark!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Dogs bark; barking is the noise they frequently make (some dogs bark less then others). In this case, ‘bark’ is a verb, an action.
Trees have bark; when you touch the trunk of a tree you are touching the bark. In this case, ‘bark’ is a noun, a thing.
This joke is funny because it plays with the two meanings of the word ‘bark.’
Here is a barking dog running up the trunk of a tree, touching the bark, of course.
Thanks to a student of mine for his inspiring care for dogs!


Q: Why do prisoners like the punctuation marks period (.), exclamation point (!) and question mark (?) when they write? A: Because each one marks the end of their sentence!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: If you have been convicted of a crime and sent to jail, your sentence is the time that you must stay in jail. Of course, everyone in jail awaits the end of their sentence so they can get out of jail.
The punctuation marks period, exclamation point and question mark are used to indicate the end of a sentence when writing. In writing, a sentence is a complete thought that can stand alone, typically including at least a subject and a verb (but there are exceptions).
This joke is funny because it plays with two meanings of the word sentence.
Speaking of sentences, watch this video for information about a different type of sentence, an interjection.


Q: What color is a happy cat? A: Purr-ple!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Cats make two common sounds- they meow and they purr (they can also howl and screech but those sounds are not as common). Purring is that low, rumble that you can feel on a cat’s neck under its chin. Purring is a sound that a cat makes when it is happy.
Purple, as you know, is a color.
This joke is funny because it plays with the pur in purple and purr. I hope you have a purrfect day!


Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses during class? A: Because her students were so bright!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Have you ever seen a teacher wear sunglasses while teaching in a classroom? I haven’t. Most people only wear sunglasses when they are outside in the sun. The light from the sun is so bright that it is good for your eyes to shade them with sunglasses.
Students who are smart can also be called bright. In this case, smart and bright are synonyms.
This joke is funny because it plays with two meanings of the word bright: giving off lots of light and smart.
Here is a song about a bright future and the use of sunglasses (shades):


Q: What can you catch but not throw? A: A cold!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Are you familiar with the expression, to catch a cold? when you catch a cold you get a cold (runny nose, sneezing, maybe coughing, …) from someone else. Cold sometimes means the opposite of hot but in this joke it refers to getting sick.
Normally when you catch something, like a ball or a frisbee, you can throw it back to someone. You can catch a cold but you cannot throw it… although you can pass a cold along to someone else. So, if you are sick, if you have a cold, please take care of yourself so you do not pass it on to someone else.
This joke is funny because it plays with the word catch (catch a ball) and the phrase catch a cold. Stay healthy!
Here is an explanation of how you can catch a cold:


Q: Why do bees have sticky hair? A: They use honey combs!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: You already know that bees make honey. Honeycomb is where honey is stored in the hive. The honeycomb is made of many hexagons (a 6 sided figure like a snowflake or nuts and bolts) that are made of wax.
A comb is used to make your messy hair neat. When you run the comb through your hair or pass the comb through your hair you are combing your hair.
This joke is funny because it plays with the words comb and honeycomb. And obviously, bees do not have hair that needs a comb like people do. (Bees, though, do have hair.)
Here is a very interesting video about bees growing from eggs in the honeycomb:
(By the way, the title of this post comes from one of my favorite music groups, Sweet Honey in the Rock.)


Q: What do you call a cow with two legs? A: Lean meat!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: For some reasons I find cows to be funny, like this joke.
When something leans it is not quite straight up and down, it is a tilted like the Leaning Tower of Pisa or Leaning Cow Wine. If a cow had only two legs it would, at a minimum, lean; most likely it would fall over.
Lean meat is meat is meat that does not have much fat.
This joke is funny because it plays with two meanings of the word lean.
By the way, askew means crooked. Try a Google search for the word askew and see what happens to the screen!
…and just so you know, the Leaning Tower of Pisa is not leaning as much these days:


Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? A: Of course! Buildings can’t jump!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Kangaroos are well known for being able to jump high and far with their powerful legs. Buildings, on the other hand, cannot jump.
This joke is funny because the expected answer is that no, kangaroos cannot jump higher than the Empire State Building (they can only jump about 30 feet). Everyone knows that buildings cannot jump. Because we know that buildings cannot jump, we are thinking about the kangaroo jumping as high as the 1,250 foot Empire State Building. Clearly impossible!
What if we replaced the Empire State Building with a frog so the question reads, “Can a kangaroo jump higher than a frog?” Now we know that we are comparing who can jump higher. It all depends on how you understand the question and what the kangaroo is compared to. Logic says the answer to the question is no but the joke looks at the illogical and we laugh.
Learn more about kangaroos here:
And learn more about the Empire State Building here:


Knock Knock. Who’s there?

Explain this joke.

A little old lady.
A little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!
Ah, the beauty of a knock knock joke and Alpine music. Yodeling is a type of singing where the singer changes the voice from falsetto singing (high singing like the Bee Gees) to normal singing and back again. It is commonly associated with the Alps of Europe but is also found in other cultures.
The words “little old lady who” sound a bit like yodeling and that is what makes this joke funny.
In the 1970s there was a TV commercial for hot chocolate that used a bit of yodeling
There is also a yodeling song from The Sound of Music:


Q: Why did the boy run around his bed? A: Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: To catch up on something (such as sleep) is to do something you have not had time to do. You catch up on sleep by sleeping more after a time of little sleep. You can also catch up on the latest news by reading/ watching today’s news (or the newest tweets on Twitter, for example). Someone might say, “When I returned from vacation I had to catch up on the news/ my emails/ my homework …
To catch someone is to chase after that person until you can touch him or her. You might catch someone in a race; a police officer might catch a criminal. (You can also catch a ball but that is a different meaning).
This joke is funny because it plays with the different meanings of the word catch and the phrasal verb catch up on.
Speaking of catching, do you know the story of The Gingerbread Man?


Q: How do you keep an elephant from charging? A: Take away its credit cards!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: When an elephant runs towards you or something else, we say the elephant is charging, much like a bull might charge (run) at the cape of a matador. To charge is also to pay for something by credit card. The beginning of the joke makes us think of how to stop an elephant from running at something- very difficult to do!
This joke is funny because it plays with the two of the meanings of the word charge: a way of moving forward and using a credit card.
The word charge has many other meanings, such as charging your phone or to accuse someone of doing something wrong.
Here is an elephant charging and someone stopping it:


Q: What is the best time to go to the dentist? A: 2:30 (Tooth hurty!)

Explain this joke.

Explanation: A bad joke for the new year… and I hope your teeth (one tooth, two teeth) do not hurt!
This joke is funny because two thirty (2:30) sounds the same as tooth hurty. You’re right, ‘hurty’ is not a real word. A child might use the word ‘hurty’ or ‘owie’ or ‘boo boo’ to say that something hurts: “I have a tooth hurty.” It’s not common but it happens. If your tooth really hurts it is time to go to the dentist no matter the hour of the day.
Please send me any child-friendly jokes that you would like explained.
Watch Caillou visit the dentist:


Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Ground Beef!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Beef is a type of meat that comes from cows, cattle. When this meat is put through a grinder it is called ground beef. Ground beef is the type of meat that is found in hamburgers and other dishes.
This joke is funny because it plays with the word ground. Ground is the land you stand on when you are outside. Ground is also the past tense of the verb grind, to reduce something to small particles.
If a cow has no legs it would be on the ground, therefore, ground beef.


Frankenstein: Hey witch, can you make me a glass of lemonade? Witch: Poof! You’re a glass of lemonade!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: The word ‘poof‘ in this joke is the sound of a witch casting a spell. (I could have used the word zap or another magic word.)
When you hear the question, “Can you make me a lemonade?” you expect the answer to be a yes, a no, or something like that. Maybe a, “Sorry, we have no lemons.” In this case the witch turned Frankenstein into a glass of lemonade with magical powers and that makes this joke funny.
Here is a summary of the book Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley:


Q: What do ghosts read? A: Booooks!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Ghosts say, “Boo!” when they come out to scare you. Of course books are for reading. This joke is funny because it combines the word ‘boo’ with the word ‘books.’ Ok, it’s only sort of funny but it made me giggle.
Here is one of the Goosebumps movies:
VIDEO


Q: What do you call an American drawing? A: Yankee doodle!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: There is a famous American song titled Yankee Doodle Dandy and a well known poem with a similar name. A doodle is a drawing, like you might make in your school notebook.
This joke is funny because an American drawing might be called an American doodle; Yankee is a name for an American, especially during the Revolution.
Happy 4th of July to the folks in the U.S. and those traveling overseas.


Q: Where does the Easter Bunny go to eat pancakes? A: To IHOP, of course!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: IHOP is the shortened name for the International House of Pancakes. It is pronounced I-Hop. Hop: that is what rabbits do when they move; rabbits do not walk, they hop (or jump).
This joke is funny (well, a little bit funny) because it turns IHOP into I-hop, or rather, the bunny hops to IHOP for pancakes.
How about some pancakes for breakfast? …or dinner?


Q: How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself? A: With a hare dryer!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: The Easter Bunny is a character from folklore in the United States. He is said to bring eggs to children on Easter Sunday. Soggy means wet. So how would a wet rabbit dry itself? A hair dryer, perhaps. Or in this case, a hare dryer.
Hare and hair sound the same. Hare is an animal that looks similar to a rabbit; hair grows on your head.
This joke is funny because hair and hare sound the same. Happy Easter!


Q: What is a pirate’s favorite letter? A: You might think it’d be R but ’tis the C they love!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Pirates are known for saying “Arrrr.” But it is really the Sea (C) they love.
Of course they love the sea (pronounced the same as C ), the ocean. It’s where they sail their ships: upon the ocean.
This joke plays with the traditional answer to this joke (R or arrgh) and adds a new idea.
Here are some singing pirates for kids…
And here is a Jimmy Buffet song about pirates for adults:
Thank you to adakkusu-san!


Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A: A gummy bear!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: The soft, red part that your teeth seem to come out of is called your gums. When you lose a tooth your gums will probably bleed a little but it is nothing to worry about.
A gummy bear is a type of candy (also spelled gummi bear). I like how they feel when I bite into them.
A bear that has no teeth probably still has gums. This play on words makes him a gummy bear and makes this joke funny.
There is also a TV series called Gummi Bears. Here is the first episode:


Q: What fruit do you eat when you are sad? A: Blueberries.

Explain this joke.

Explanation: In English some colors are associated with feelings. Blue is associated with sadness. When you “feel blue” it means that you are feeling sad.
If the berries are blue then are they sad? Only in this joke are berries sad; it is the double meaning of the word ‘blue’ that makes this joke funny (the color and being sad).
Blueberries for me are not sad- they make me happy, especially when I pick my own in the wild. Here is a video of some campers picking blueberries in the Boundary Waters:


Q:What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A:A tuba toothpaste.

Explain this joke.

Explanation:A ‘tuba‘ is a large musical instrument, a brass instrument, that plays very low notes when you blow into it.
A tube of toothpaste is, well, toothpaste that comes in a tube and it is usually kept in the bathroom.
If you say “tube of toothpaste” fast it sounds like “tuba toothpaste” and that is what makes this joke funny.
Here is an old commercial for Ipana Toothpaste with Bucky Beaver:
VIDEO


Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying? A: Because you can see right through them!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: To “see through” someone means to understand them, what they really mean, to understand the truth. You can “see through” someone who is telling a lie; that is, you can tell that they are lying, not telling the truth.
Of course you can see through a ghost because ghosts are transparent.
Do you play Minecraft? Here is how to make a ghost (transparent player) in Minecraft:


Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school? A: His heart wasn’t in it.

Explain this joke.

Explanation: A skeleton is just your bones; nothing on the inside and nothing on the outside. That means that there is no heart in a skeleton.
If your “heart isn’t in it” that means that you do not want to do something: Peter’s dad wanted him to play football but Peter’s heart wasn’t in it (he did not want to play football).
This joke is funny because of the double meaning: a skeleton does not have a heart and this skeleton did not want to go to school.
Here is a skeleton who was missing a bone (and a heart!).


Another pun: I used to hate crayons but I’m drawn to them now.

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Crayons are used for drawing. “To be drawn to something” means that something is enticing, attractive, makes you want to approach it or get to know it. I love water so when I see it, I am drawn to water. I am also drawn to chocolate and coffee. My students are drawn to the game Pokémon Go on their phones. This pun is funny because of the use of the word “drawn.”


Q:What’s the best thing to put into a pie? A:Your teeth!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Mmmmmm! I love a good pie! I love to sink my teeth into a good pie (“Sink your teeth into” is also an idiom)!
When someone asks you about putting something into a pie, most people think about what type of pie they like such as apple pie or French Silk pie. This joke is funny because it gives an unexpected answer, your teeth, when the expected answer is a type of pie.
Watch this video to learn how to draw a pie:
VIDEO


Q: Why did the Easter egg hide? A: Because he was a little chicken!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: An egg will soon become a chicken so you could say that an egg is a little chicken, a small chicken (OK, I know that an egg is not a chicken, not yet anyway, but that idea helps make this joke funny).
“To be chicken” means to be scared: He’s too chicken to go down the slide = he’s too scared or too afraid to go down the slide. Sometimes people hide when they are scared like in this scene from the movie Jurassic Park.
So, when the egg hides it is a little chicken, both a scared chicken and and a small chicken!
Take a look at these Easter Eggs:


Q: What is an astronaut’s favorite key on a keyboard? A: Space!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Are you familiar with a computer keyboard? Here is a picture. The long key at the bottom is called the space bar or the space key. Of course it is the favorite of the astronaut because the astronaut goes to space!
You see, space can mean the long key on a computer keyboard and it can mean the area outside of the earth’s atmosphere, outer space.
Here is the Space Shuttle Blasting off into space for the last time:


Q: Why shouldn’t you tell an egg a joke? A: Because it might crack up!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: To crack up means to start laughing (sometimes it also means to to go crazy). When you break an egg you first crack it open.
If an egg cracks up does it start laughing or does it just crack open? This joke is funny because of the double meaning of the word ‘crack.’
More with egg: You can also be caught with egg on your face, be a good egg, and here are many more egg-spressions (expressions).
Learn an interesting way to crack an egg:


Q: Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? A: Because he was sitting on the deck!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: The flat part of sail boat (or pirate ship!) where you stand is called the deck. A group of playing cards is called a deck of cards. If you are sitting on a deck of cards you can’t play with them… and that’s what the pirate was doing! Or maybe he was sitting on the deck of his ship.
This joke is funny because of the double meaning of the word ‘deck.’
If you are interested in learning how to play a new card game take a look at this video:


Q:What kind of cookies make you rich? A:Fortune cookies!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:If you have a lot of money you have a fortune. The cookies that they give you in Chinese restaurants are called fortune cookies.
This joke is funny because it plays with the double meaning of the word fortune: a lot of money and a type of cookie.
Watch the video below to learn how to make fortune cookies out of paper:
VIDEO


Q:What bug do knights hate? A:Dragonflies!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Bugs are insects. A knight (sounds like night) is a soldier for a king or queen. They often wore armor or a coat of mail and rode on horses. In stories, knights sometimes fight dragons.
A dragonfly is an insect that eats mosquitoes. They are beautiful and they do not bite people!
Knights hate dragons but notdragonflies– and that is why this joke is funny!
Here is a video all about dragonflies:
VIDEO


Q: What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?? A: A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!”

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Or perhaps the train says, “Choo, choo?!?”
In most schools gum is not allowed. If a teacher sees you chewing gum he or she will ask you to spit it out (even though there are some researched benefits of chewing gum).
Another name for a train is a choo choo and that sounds the same as chew- chew, probably because of the sound of the train whistle.
This joke is funny because it plays with the words “choo choo” and “chew, chew.”
If you like trains you might watch the Choo Choo Bob Show, Thomas and Friends, go to a train show or travel Europe on the Eurail.
Or you could watch a 1903 silent film- The Great Train Robbery!


Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? A: The scientists were brainstorming!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: I love a good thunderstorm! Especially if I am safe inside. A brainstorm is not a real storm but a way to gather ideas
When people brainstorm they make a list of many ideas. Scientists brainstorm ideas for experiments and possible answers or explanations to questions they have. (A lab is a place where some scientists work.)
This joke is funny because it plays with the words storm/ brainstorm.
Here is what a thunderstorm looks like. Remember: do not go out in a thunderstorm!


Q: What tool can you use to cut water? A: A sea-saw!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: To understand this joke you must first know what a seesaw is. A seesaw is a toy/ game/ ride that you might see on a playground where children play (it is also known as a teeter-totter). Imagine a long piece of wood that is balanced in the middle; one person sits on each end of the board and as one goes up, the other goes down.
A saw is a tool used to cut things. Of course, you cannot cut water… even with a saw. This joke is funny because seesaw sounds like sea-saw and both end in “saw,” a tool (saw is the past tense verb of to see). (Just to be clear: the fools part of the title refers to someone trying to cut water, not the amazing performance below!!)
Here are some gymnasts performing on a see saw- Do not try this at home!


Q: Can February March? A: No, but April May!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Happy Groundhog’s Day! Or Groundhog Day? Hmmm…
The above joke plays with the months and the double meaning of some of the words.
“To march” means to walk with a regular pace or to walk in an organized way; think of soldiers marching or people marching in a parade or a protest. Can February March? No, it is a month and it cannot walk. March is also a month (and there are two of the meanings of March).
May, in addition to being a month, is an auxiliary verb similar to ‘can’ or ‘might.’ In this joke February cannot march but April might be able to march. It only makes sense if you understand the multiple meanings of March and May.
But it is February and here is a quick-talking explanation of Groundhog Day:


Q: How does a snowman get around? A: He rides an icicle!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate!
“To get around” means “to move” or “to travel.”
An icicle is a piece of ice that forms when dripping water freezes. The word icicle sounds like tricycle. This joke is funny because those two words sound alike.
In honor of Christmas I offer you one of my favorite movies, It’s a Wonderful Life. In this movie George Bailey does not “get around” but the end of the movie is great!


Q: What do you call an elf who sings? A: A wrapper!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: In this joke, elves are Santa Claus’ helpers. They are the ones who make the toys and wrap them so that Santa can deliver the toys on Christmas Eve. “To wrap a present” means to cover it with decorative paper to make the gift look nice. Wrapping a present also makes people wonder what is under the wrapping paper.
A “Rapper” is a person who sings, usually songs that have amazing rhymes at high speed. (For more information on the history of rap music check out this link.)
This joke is funny because “wrap” sounds like “rap.”
Here is a Christmas rap song about the Grinch Who Stole Christmas:


Q: What do you call a snowman with six-pack abs? A: The Abdominal Snowman!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Let’s start with six-pack abs: six-pack abs are stomach muscles that are well formed and strong. To get six-pack abs you need to do a lot of exercise. (By the way, ‘abs’ is an abbreviation of abdominal muscles, stomach muscles.)
Abominable means something that is very bad, unpleasant, something that causes revulsion. Abominable (no d) sounds a lot like abdominal (has the letter d) and remember, abdominal refers to the stomach.
The abominable snowman is also known as a yeti; most people believe that the abominable snowman is not real… some would disagree.
This joke is funny because abdominal sounds like abominable. And no snowman I have ever seen has six-pack abs!!
Here is a video clip from Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer where the Abominable Snowman appears:


Q: Why did the belt get arrested? A: Because it held up a pair of pants!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: To hold up: this phrase has more than one meaning. You could take a magic wand in your hands and hold it up in the air like Harry Potter; a piece of tape can hold a piece of paper to the wall; a belt can hold up a pair of pants. In these examples one thing holds another thing in place.
To hold up a bank means to rob it, to steal money from the bank.
This joke is funny because of the multiple meanings of “to hold up.”
Here is Woody Allen trying to hold up a bank:


Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? A: Because it was soda pressing!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: A can of pop, a can of Coke, a can of soda… all are pretty much the same thing. Before you recycle the can, though, you should crush it– crush the can, that means to use pressure to change the can from big to little as in the picture. There are machines that can crush a can (called a can crusher) and the person who crushes the can is also called a can crusher). If you press a can of soda (pop) I could say that you are “soda pressing.” It would be an unusual thing to say but I could say it.
The words “soda pressing” sound like “so depressing” and that is what makes this joke funny. If a job is too depressing then someone might quit that job.
Depression is not funny. If you are someone you know is depressed please find help.
See this video to see how aluminum is recycled:


Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? A: Pilgrims!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Happy Thanksgiving!! This is one of my favorite jokes and one that I did not understand when I was a kid.
In the northern hemisphere spring comes around the month of April. During April it rains in many areas. The rain that falls in April gives water to the flowers that bloom in May; in much of the northern hemisphere there is snow during the winter and nothing blooms.
This joke sets up a pattern: April showers bring May flowers; May flowers bring… ? The answer is Pilgrims who arrived in what is now Massachusetts in a boat; the name of the boat was the Mayflower. The joke is funny because you expect an answer that begins with June, the next month according to the pattern.
Here is Charlie Brown celebrating Thanksgiving:


Broken pencils are pointless. If the tip of a pencil is broken, the pencil has no point (point-less). If the tip of a pencil is broken the pencil has no purpose, that it is pointless. This pun plays with the double meaning of pointless.

Explain this joke.

Thank you to the reader who contributed this one! Really, the last pun for now.


No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery. “To push the envelope” is an expression that means to exceed or try to exceed the normal limits. “Stationery” is writing materials such as paper and envelopes. “Stationary” (-ary) means to not move. This pun plays with the word stationery/ stationery and the idea of pushing something (moving something) and staying still (stationary).

Explain this joke.

Whoever invented knock-knock jokes should get a no-bell prize.
If you knock on the door you do not use the doorbell. “No-bell prize” sounds like Nobel, Nobel Prize. This pun plays with the words no-bell/ Noble.
Energizer Bunny Arrested: Charged with Battery
- When people are arrested they are charged with a crime.
- One of the crimes you can be charged with is battery (verb): contact that hurts another person.
- A battery (noun) is a small energy source that might be put in a flashlight or radio.
- The Energizer Bunny is a toy that is used by Energizer Batteries to advertise their products. The Energizer Bunny toy uses batteries, that is, it gets its power from batteries: it is charged with batteries.
This pun plays with the words battery and charged and their double meanings.
I put my grandma on speed dial. I call that Instagram.
Speed dial is one button on a phone that dials instantly someone’s telephone number. If a speed dial button is programmed to call grandma then it dials grandma instantly. Combine instantly and grandma and you get insta-gram which sounds like Instagram, a photo sharing website… you also get a punderful pun!


In my previous posting I showed a picture of some puns. Here I continue to explain the puns. The other day I held the door open for a clown. It was a nice jester.

Explain this joke.

A clown and a jester are very similar characters.
“Jester” sounds like “gesture.”
When you do something nice for someone it is a nice gesture.
This pun is funny because it is a nice gesture to hold the door open and the clown (the jester) was nice. Double meaning and similar words make for a good pun!!
Pasteurize
Pasteurize sounds like “past your eyes.” If something is past your eyes it is too far to see. (Pasteurize really means to heat something in order to kill the bacteria.)


According to the Urban Dictionary, a pun is “a play on words, usually used for comic reception,” that is, used to make people laugh or groan. A friend sent me this picture on Facebook (it is not mine and I do now know where it comes from) and it is a good example of some puns: Let me explain a bit:

Explain this joke.

A coffee cup is called a mug. To mug someone is to assault them with with the intent to rob them. This is a pun because it plays with the word mug in reference to stealing a coffee cup, a mug.
Click on the picture to read more mugs (and I will continue to explain the puns in this picture this week).


Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: There are many, many lawyer jokes; this is just one example.
Lawyers go to court to represent plaintiffs (civil court), defendants (civil court and criminal court) and the prosecution (criminal court). When lawyers go to court they need to wear nice clothing- usually they wear a suit because it is a formal situation.
A lawsuit is when one party sues another in court.
This joke plays with the words suit and lawsuit: the idea that a lawyer who works with the law would wear a law-suit.
Here is one of my favorite law videos: How a bill becomes a law.


Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you will rise and shine!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Yeast is the ingredient in bread that makes it rise; if there is no yeast or the yeast is dead you will get flat bread or flatbreads.
Shoe polish is the paste that you put on your shoes with a rag and then polish with a brush to make your shoes shine.
When you put yeast (makes bread rise) and shoe polish (to shine your shoes) together you “rise and shine.” “Rise and shine” is a common phrase in many homes in the United States. It is often used in the morning or when you need to wake someone up. YouTube is full of motivational videos that use the phrase “rise and shine.” Here is one way Disney used “rise and shine” …


Q:What do you call a fake noodle? A:An Impasta!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Noodles, such as spaghetti noodles, can be called pasta.
An imposter is a person who pretends to be someone else.
So, a fake noodle is an “impasta” which sounds like a combination of imposter and pasta… and that is what makes this joke funny.
Did you see the movie The Imposter? Here is the trailer:
VIDEO


Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Today in the United States is National Cat Day! so a cat joke seemed appropriate.
When someone (or some animal!?!) wins a contest like a dog show that person often wins a trophy. When something bad happens it is called a catastrophe or a disaster.
This joke plays with the word catastrophe and breaks it into parts: cat-has-trophy- which sounds a lot like catastrophe. Personally, I think it would be great if a cat won a dog show! Have a great National Cat Day!


Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock? A: It went back four seconds!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: To “go back for seconds” means to serve yourself more food from the kitchen, the serving dishes or perhaps the buffet line. And you only “go back for seconds” if you are hungry. The word ‘four’ (4) sounds the same as ‘for.’
A clock tells time by using hours, minutes and seconds. In the joke, ‘seconds’ has two meanings: to go back in time four seconds and to go back for a second helping of food… and that’s what makes this joke funny.
Here is a classic scene from Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens when Oliver went back for seconds:


Q:What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish? A:You can’t tuna fish!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Tuna fish? No, tune – a – fish. You see, for a guitar to sound good, you have to tune it. A fish cannot be tuned… but there is a fish called a tuna fish.
This joke is funny because “tune a” sounds like “tuna.”
Here is a tuna fish video that is in tune and has a nice jingle at the end:
VIDEO


Q: How do you make a fire with two sticks? A: Make sure one of them is a match!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: This joke only works if you know what a matchstick is. If you have a match or a matchstick you can easily make a fire. This joke leads one to think that the answer will be “rub two sticks together” but that would be too much work for a joke.
Here is a link to a Jack London story, To Build a Fire: http://www.jacklondons.net/buildafire.html
If you want to build a fire by rubbing two sticks together you could try this:


Q:Why can’t fishermen be generous? A:Because their business makes them sell fish!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:This is a bad pun (are there good puns?)! Their business makes them ‘sell fish’ or shall I say “selfish.” Yes, sell fish sounds just like selfish but there is a world of difference in the meaning. A selfish person is someone who wants everything for him or herself.
Here is a video of some folks selling fish at the Pike Place Fish Market in Seattle, WA:
VIDEO


Q: How do you paint a rabbit purple? A: With purple hare spray!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Hair≠ Hare but they sound the same. Hair is on your head and sometimes people use hairspray to keep their hair in place. Hare is an animal similar to a rabbit. And there is no such thing as Hare Spray! (But there is spray paint.)
That is what makes this joke funny- playing with the word hare/ hair and the idea of purple hare spray to paint a hare the color purple.
All of this reminded me of the movie Hairspray so here is the final song:


Q: Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? A: Because they might peel!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: A banana peel is the outside skin of the banana. Your skin can peel if you are in the sun and you get a sun burn. In order to avoid a sunburn you need to use sunscreen.
This joke is funny because of the double meaning of the word peel (the outer skin of a banana and what your skin does when it gets burned. Sunburns, though, are not funny- use sunscreen!


Q:What’s a llama’s favorite movie? A:Llamadeus!

Explain this joke.

Q:What do you call a very fast llama?
A:A Llamaghini!
Explanation:Both of these jokes play with the word llama: the first changes Amadeus into Llamadeus; the second changes Lamborghini into Llamaghini. Many jokes in English play with words in this way.
Here is the trailer for the movie Amadeus:
VIDEO


Q: What’s more amazing than a talking llama? A: A spelling bee!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: I love llamas– especially here in Peru. And no, llamas do not talk but it sure would be amazing if they did!
In this joke the idea of a talking llama leads to the idea of a bee that talks or maybe even spells (Llama is spelled l-l-a-m-a). This joke is funny because a spelling bee is a contest where students show how much they know about spelling words… it is not a bee that spells.
Here is a clip from Akeelah and the Bee- a movie about a spelling bee:


Q:Why don’t you do arithmetic in the jungle? A:Because if you add 4 + 4 you get ate!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:So, school starts tomorrow in St. Paul, MN so this bad joke is for my SPPS friends.
Yes, it is true that 4+4 = 8; but 8 sounds the same as “ate” (which should be eaten as in “you would be eaten”) and that is what makes this joke funny! Have a great start to the new school year!!


“As a jockey I work with horses, but at least it’s a stable job!” This line is from Charles Lamb and it plays on the double meaning of the word stable: 1) a building where horses are kept; 2) not likely to change.

Explain this joke.

The job of a jockey is stable because he is not going to lose his job and there is always work to do. Jockey’s work in stables.
Have a great Labor Day if you are in the U.S. or if you need a reason to celebrate!


Q:What has 4 wheels and flies? A:A garbage truck!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:When you hear “4 wheels and flies” you expect that the word “flies” means something that flies in the air like an airplane or perhaps Superman. You do not expect that “flies” means the insect, fly (or rather the plural of fly: flies).
It’s true: a garbage truck has 4 wheels and lots of flies because flies like garbage.
And just for fun, here is a flying garbage truck:
VIDEO


Q: What goes through towns, up hills and down hills but never moves? A: The road!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: A road goes through towns, a road goes up hills and a road goes down hills but a road never moves- the vehicles on the road move.
This joke is funny because when you hear it, you are expecting an answer related to something like an animal or a car, not a road.
In the United States there are many songs and stories about roads and road trips. Here is one version of a road song with visuals the whole way: Route 66


Q:Why should you take a pencil to bed? A:To draw the curtains!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:At night, many people close the curtains (shut the curtains, draw the curtains) to keep the light out. “Draw the curtains” is another way to say, “Close the curtains” or shut the curtains.”
One of the uses of a pencil is to draw, that is, create pictures using a pencil and paper.
This joke is funny because it plays with two meanings of the word draw. Here is a video of how to draw a pencil:
VIDEO


Q:What do prisoners use to call each other? A:Cell phones!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:A cell phone is a celular phone, a mobil phone. They are the ones that are replacing land lines as we stay connected 24/7. Did you know that there are more than 6 billion cell phones in use?
Prisoners are kept in jail cells or prison cells.
This joke is funny because it uses the word “cell” in two different ways. Here is another way telephones are used:
VIDEO


Q: What is the tallest building in the world? A: A library- it has the most stories!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: The word story has more than one meaning: the floors of a building, a 5 story building for example, or an account of events that happened to real or imaginary people.
Libraries are filled with stories about people and animals and things and … so libraries are the buildings with the most stories and therefore, the tallest.
Here is a link to the tallest buildings but not necessarily the most stories- that would be a library!


Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A: Milk and quackers!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Bad joke, my apologies… but it made me giggle.
A cow gives milk and ducks quack– but you already knew that. So, a duck that quacks could be called a quacker in the same way that a person who robs is a robber and a person who thinks is a thinker.
“Quackers” sounds like “crackers” which go well with milk! Enjoy some crackers and milk.
And here is a duck that milks a cow (and sings Old MacDonald):


Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Bugs– those bothersome little insects. If something “bugs you” that means that something irks you, bothers you, pesters you, annoys you, is bothersome to you, …
Frogs eat bugs, that is, insects. Therefore, frogs eat the bugs that bug them which, in turn, makes them happy. (My grandpa was happy when eating frogs – frog legs.)
A silly joke that plays with the word “bug.”
Winnie The Pooh would often say, “O bother” when bugged by something:


Q: What did one pencil say to the other pencil? A: You’re looking sharp!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: When the writing end of a pencil is pointed, we say that the pencil is sharp (the non-writing end is the eraser).
When someone is wearing nice clothes we say that the person is looking sharp; it is a phrase used most often to describe men. “Looking sharp” can also be used for someone doing something well as in this news article about a soccer player.
This joke is funny because it plays with the double meaning of “looking sharp.”
Here is Joe Jackson singing about looking sharp:
And Gillette with Look Sharp, Be Sharp:


Q: Why did the picture end up in jail? A: It was framed!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Pictures are often put into frames, the wood or metal box that goes around the picture with glass or plastic, to keep the picture safe.
“To be framed” means to be blamed for doing something that you did not do. It could be a crime and you are framed when the evidence points to you and you did not do the crime. A person who is framed can end up in jail for a crime he or she did not commit.
The premise of The A Team was a group that was framed for a crime they did not commit:


Q:Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? A:She will Let It Go!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Did you see the movie Frozen? Elsa is the main character. Her big song is “Let It Go.”
If you let go of a balloon it will float into the air and then you don’t have the balloon. So, don’t give Elsa a balloon or she will let it go!
VIDEO


Q:What did the farmer say when his hay started blowing away? A:Hay, come back!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Hay is grass that has been cut, dried, and stored for use as animal food, especially for cattle, horses, goats, and sheep.
“Hey” is a word used to get someone’s attention such as when someone says, “Hey, you guys!” or “Hey there!”
This joke is funny because it uses “hay” instead of “hey” when calling the hay to come back. “Hey” is also used in the Beatle’s song “Hey Jude.
VIDEO


Q:What’s the best place to shop for a soccer shirt? A:New Jersey!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Quite simply, the shirt that soccer players wear is called a jersey. New Jersey is one of the 50 United States. If you want to buy a new shirt, you want to buy a new jersey. Where else? In New Jersey!
VIDEO


Q: Why do soccer players do so well in math? A: They know how to use their heads!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:To ”use your head” means to think. People who do well in math use their heads when they think and solve math problems.
Soccer players also use their heads when they “head” the ball. Yes, in English, the word “head” can also be used as a verb.
This joke is funny because it plays on the double meaning of “use your head.”
VIDEO
VIDEO
Happy birthday, friend!!


Q:Where do sick boats go to get healthy? A:To the dock!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:A dock is a walk-way that extends from the land into the water. Boats can be tied to the dock so they do not float away.
Doc (sounds like dock) is a word used for doctor, medical doctor.
This joke plays on the word dock/doc because boats go to the dock but they can’t go to the doc.
“Doc” is also used in a phrase by Bugs Bunny: “What’s up doc?”
VIDEO


Q: Why did the raisin go out with the prune? A: He couldn’t get a date!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Raisins are dried grapes. Prunes are dried plums. Dates are just dates. All three are fruits.
In this joke “to go out with” means to date someone, that is, to begin a romantic relationship. Couples might go out on a date to a movie or go out for dinner on a date. (Date also means the day, month and year: today’s date is Sunday, January 11, 2015… English can be confusing.)
This joke is funny because it plays on the multiple meanings of the word date. The raisin went out on a date with the prune because he couldn’t get a date (an evening out with someone special) with a date (the fruit).


Q:What do Santa’s elves do after school? A:Their gnomework!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Gnome rhymes with home. After school most students do homework; elves do “gnomework.” This is funny because elves and gnomes are both magical creatures and because of the rhyme.
If they do their gnomework they will get smarter; hard work = more smarts!


Q: What is the best Christmas present ever? A: A broken drum- you can’t beat it!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Merry Christmas and feliz navidad!
Christmas is celebrated by Christians on December 25; it celebrates the birth of Jesus. In order to commemorate that day many people give gifts just as the magi gave presents to the baby Jesus. (Comments about the way the holiday has been commercialized will not be addressed here.)
Children may be given a toy drum as a gift for Christmas. Of course if the drum is broken you cannot play it; to play a drum is to beat a drum. Therefore, a broken drum cannot be beaten.
The phrase “you can’t beat it” means that there is nothing better. If a toy drum can’t be beaten then there is nothing better. This joke plays on the double meaning in the joke of “it can’t be beaten.”


Q: What is the best way to communicate with a fish? A: Drop it a line!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: When you go fishing you drop a line in the water to catch a fish. To “drop someone a line” means to send a short letter, send a note. I suppose now it could even mean to send someone a text message (I never did learn the difference between a text message and an SMS).
This joke plays on the double meaning of “drop a line.”
If you have a joke that you would like explained, well, drop me a line!


Q: What do you call a pig that is no fun to be around? A: A boar!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: A boring pig, that is. There are several names for swine in English including pig, hog and boar. And then when we eat pig it can be called bacon, ham, pork chop, … Who knew the pig produced so much vocabulary?!?!
If you are a bore, you are no fun to be around, not interesting. This joke plays on the word bore/boar which sound the same. The word bore can also mean to make a hole. I hope I am not boring you (being not interesting)!


Q:What did the dog say when he rubbed sandpaper on his tail? A:Rough, rough!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Another wonderful, classic dog joke! Sandpaper is rough, it is used to make things smooth. In English, when a dog barks it says, “Ruff.” This joke is funny because it plays with two words that sound the same, ruff and rough.
Rough, by the way, can also mean difficult: I had a rough day.


Q:Where did the spaghetti and the sauce go to dance? A:The meatball!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:I love spaghetti! Grandma used to make the best spaghetti and meatballs. A meat ball is a ball of meat, often found on top of spaghetti. A “ball” can also be a dance (see the Cinderella joke). This joke plays with the word ball/meatball and is kind of, sort of funny. Thanks Daniel!


Q: Where did the baseball keep its lemonade? A: In the pitcher!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: It is the end of summer, the end days of baseball and lemonade. School starts tomorrow (and as a teacher I love that!).
The word pitcher has two meanings: a pitcher is a container used to serve drinks; a pitcher is the person on the baseball team who throws the ball toward the bater at home plate (isn’t Mo’ne Davis amazing!). This joke is funny because it plays on the double meaning of the word pitcher.
Thank you, Daniel, for the joke!!


Q: What lights up a soccer stadium? A: A soccer match!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: I love soccer so, another soccer joke (I could have said football or fútbol).
A “soccer match” is a soccer game. A match is a contest between two teams. A match is also a small stick that is used to start a fire. (And this reminds me of the story To Build a Fire by Jack London, and The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Anderson. Good stories!)
This joke is funny because of the double meaning of the word “match.”
Happy birthday to Ángel!


Q:Why are pigs so bad at soccer? A:They are always hogging the ball!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:To “hog the ball” means to keep the ball to yourself and not pass the ball. A good soccer player looks to his or her teammates to see who has the best chance to advance the ball toward the goal; a good soccer player does not hog the ball.
This joke is funny because another word for a pig is a hog


Q: What did the mother lion say to her cubs before dinner? A: Shall we prey!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Many people pray before dinner; they say words of thanks to their god, spirit or higher being. Prey (with an ‘e’ not an ‘a’) is the animal that is being hunted by another animal.
This joke plays on the words pray/ prey with the lions “preying” before eating not praying. Here is a lion that appears to be praying. By the way, prey in regular usage is not used as a verb by itself but as a phrasal verb “prey on” or as a noun. But that is why I like jokes: anything is possible!


Q:How are fish and music the same? A:They both have scales!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Fish scales are the outer part, the skin, of a fish. Musical scales are a series of notes that go up or down (there are many types of musical scales). This joke plays on the double meaning of the word “scale.”
There is a third meaning- a scale that weighs something like a bathroom scale.


Q:Why do flamingos stand on one leg? A:If they lifted the other leg they would fall over!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Not what you expected? Of course not! That’s why this joke is funny.
Upon asking the question one expects an answer, an explanation. In this case one expects an answer that tells why flamingos stand on one leg. This joke is funny because it focuses on the other leg… and that is unexpected.
¡Saludos a Cesar!


Q: Why was the tree excited about the future? A: It was ready to turn over a new leaf!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: “To turn over a new leaf” means to start anew, to start again, fresh. Someone who has had problems might turn over a new leaf and begin again (study more, learn something new, stop a bad habit, start a new good habit such as exercising, …).
A tree has many leaves (one leaf, two leaves). Do the leaves turn over? Not really but maybe before a storm.
This joke plays with the word leaf and makes me think about the future. What are your plans? Do you need to turn over a new leaf?


Q: Why was the baseball player a bad sport? A: He stole third base and then went home!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: To be a bad sport is to not play nicely or to not play fairly. In baseball when you “steal a base” you do to actually steal the base, you do not take something that does not belong to you without permission or without paying; when you “steal a base” you advance to the next base with out being stopped by the opposing team. In baseball when you “go home” you you do not go to the place where you live; when you “go home” you return to home plate where you started out, batting, and you score a run.
This joke plays with the vocabulary from baseball: to steal a base, to go home.


Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away? A: A taxi driver!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: To “drive someone away” means to repel them, to force them to go away from you. This phrase is used to describe a battle (6th paragraph) in a war when it is said, for example, “The attacking army was driven away by the defending army.”
A taxi driver, in a different sense, drives their customers away from where they are to where they want to be. This joke plays with the phrase “to drive away,” something that most businesses do not want to do.


Q: What is the math teacher’s favorite dessert? A: Pi!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: “Dessert” (with 2 s) is a sweet treat after a meal; “desert” (with 1 s) is an area of the earth that gets little or no rain. An easy way to remember: people always want more dessert and it has more of the letter s. One type of dessert is pie; I especially like blueberry pie.
Pi is a math number that helps us understand circles. (It is also the name of the main character in The Life of Pi.)
This joke is funny because it plays with the meaning of pi/ pie which sound the same but only one really tastes good.


Q:How do you make an orange giggle? A:Tickle its navel!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Oranges are a delicious fruit. One type of orange is the navel orange. Navel is also a word used for your belly button. If someone tickles your belly button, it might make you giggle.
This joke is funny because it plays with the double meaning of the word navel- a type of orange and a belly button. And if you want to giggle at an orange you could watch an “Annoying Orange” video.


Q: What kind of candy is never on time? A: Chocolate!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Candy! That sweet treat, usually made with lots of sugar. Chocolate is one type of candy. The last part of the word “chocolate” is “late.” If you are late, you are not on time. This joke is funny because it plays with just a part of the word chocolate, the late part.
About being late: Someone once told me, “If you are not 15 minutes early, you are late.” That is good advice in the United States. In Chile, I once went to a party two hours late and I was the first one there!
By the way, I love chocolate! Especially chocolate from La Iberica in Arequipa, Peru.
A quick note about pronunciation- Here in Minnesota, the word “chocolate” sounds more like “choco-lit.” And if that is the case, the joke isn’t too funny… until you see it.


Q: Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? A: All the fans left!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: At a baseball game, the fans are the people who are watching the game. The fans leave the stadium when the game is over. Baseball games are played at a stadium. A fan is also a small (or large) machine that has a part that spins to move air. If there are no fans (that move air) at a stadium the stadium could get hot.
This joke plays on the double meaning of the word fan- and that is why it is funny!
Go Cubs!


Q: What did the paper say to the pencil? A: You’ve got a good point!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Pencils are used for writing. When the lead (now it is made of graphite) is sharp it is pointy, it has a point.
When someone says, “You have a good point,” it means that you have a good idea; the thoughts that you added to the conversation gave it something new.
This joke is funny because it plays with “you have a good point.” The pencil has a literal point (it is sharp); perhaps it also has a figurative point (a good idea).


Q:What is the best food to eat when you are scared? A:I scream!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:People scream when they are scared, I mean, really scared. When was the last time you were really scared? Hopefully it was for something fun like a roller coaster and not for something terrible like a car accident or an earthquake.
“I scream” sounds like “ice cream” and that is what makes this joke funny. Maybe a dish of vanilla ice cream would go well with a Hitchcock film tonight.


Q:What is the craziest way to travel? A:Loco-motive!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:A sort-of bilingual joke! ¡Que bueno! The Spanish word “loco” means “crazy” in English. A locomotive is a train. Therefore, a loco-motive is a crazy-travel machine. But just in this joke- I actually like to travel by train.


Q: Why didn’t the string ever win a race? A: It always tied!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: A string is many long pieces of thread together. Shoelaces are also a type of string. Of course you can tie a string in a knot. So, a string can be tied.
“To be tied” or “to tie” can also mean that no one is winning a game, that the score is the same. It is like in a World Cup Soccer game when the game is tied 1- 1 (sure would be fun to go to Brazil this year, but that has nothing to do with this joke!).
This joke is funny because it plays with the double meaning of the word “tied.”


Q: What did the math book say to the psychologist? A: “Would you like to hear my problems?”

Explain this joke.

Explanation: A math book has problems, many math problems. The purpose of a math book is to teach you how to think like a mathematician and to solve math problems.
A psychologist can help you with problems with feelings or behaviors; a psychologist cannot help you with math problems.
This joke is funny because it plays with two different ideas of problems: math problems and psychological problems. And of course, math books can’t talk!


Q:Why did the hamburger always lose the race? A:It could never ketchup!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Ketchup is a thick liquid made from tomatoes; Ketchup is made from tomatoes. Many people put ketchup on their hamburgers. To “catch up” means to get to the same place as the person who is ahead of you.
“Ketchup” sounds like “catch up” and if you can’t catch up you can’t win the race! Silly joke!


Q: Why was the sewing machine so funny? A: It kept everyone in stitches!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: A sewing machine is used to make shirts, pants and anything made of fabric that needs to be sewn. When the sewing machine does its work, it makes stitches that hold two pieces of fabric together. To “keep someone in stitches” means to keep someone laughing.
This joke plays with the word stitch: the work that a sewing machine does and the idiom “to keep someone in stitches.” That is why it is funny! (Did you notice the title- a seam is where two pieces of fabric come together.)


Q: Why can’t the bank keep a secret? A: It has too many tellers!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: When you go to a bank, the person who helps you deposit (put in) or withdraw (take out) money is called a teller. When you share a secret, you tell a secret. The -er ending on some nouns make that noun into the person who does that thing:
work-worker;
play-player;
make- maker;
tell-teller.
So, someone who tells could be called a teller. This joke plays with the word tell/ teller and that is why it is funny.


Q:What did the bread say back to the peanut butter? A:I think you’re nuts!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Peanut butter is made of peanuts, a type of nuts. To be nuts means to be crazy.
This joke plays with the word nut.


Q: What did the peanut butter say to the bread? A: Quit loafing around!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: When you grind up peanuts, you get peanut butter. Bread that you buy at the grocery store, in the United States, mostly comes in a loaf; it is called a loaf of bread. Loafing around means to be lazy and not do anything.
This joke is funny for a few reasons: first, it is funny because the peanut butter is talking; second, it is funny because the peanut butter is telling the bread, a loaf of bread, to stop loafing around, stop just sitting there. This joke is playing with the word loaf.
Come back tomorrow to see how the bread responds!


Q:What is a plumber’s favorite food? A:A leek!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:A plumber is a person who fixes water pipes if they are clogged or are dripping; that is, if they have a leak.
A leek (two e’s) is a vegetable a lot like a green onion. A leak (one e, one a) is what happens to the water pipes when water drips out.
This joke plays with the word leek/ leak and that is what makes it funny.


Person 1: Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Person 2: No, what can you tell me about it?

Explain this joke.

Person 1: It has great food but no atmosphere!
Explanation: A restaurant is a place to eat. Usually in a restaurant someone asks you what you want to eat and then serves you your food; then you pay for the food. To some people the food is the most important (if not the only) part that matters. To other people, the atmosphere of the restaurant matters. The atmosphere of a restaurant is the way it looks, the way it sounds, the way it smells; it is the way you feel when you are there- much more than just the taste of the food.
The moon, of course, has no atmosphere. When we talk about the atmosphere of the moon we are talking about the layer of gasses that surround a planet or a moon. The moon has no atmosphere; the earth has an atmosphere- that is why we can breathe.
This joke plays with the double meaning of the word atmosphere and that makes it funny! Of course if you want an out of this world restaurant you could try The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.


Q: Why did the lady wear a helmet every time she ate? A: She was on a crash diet!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: A crash diet is a diet where a person loses a lot of weight in a short amount of time: lose weight fast. A helmet is protection for your head when you are playing a sport or working.
This joke is funny because it combines the idea of crashing (bumping into something really hard) and being on a diet. You don’t need a helmet when you are on a diet and that is why this joke is funny.


This political cartoon/ editorial cartoon shows Minnesota winning its bid to host the Superbowl in 2018. The man with the red shirt is Zigy Wilf, the owner (well, part owner) of the Minnesota Vikings. It is funny because he is pictured in shorts which would never be worn in Minnesota in February when the average high temperature is the 20’s F. This cartoon combines the news about global warming and the Superbowl bid. Thank you for the suggestion to explain an editorial cartoon, on occasion.

Explain this joke.

(click here to view)
Indianapolis Star
May 21, 2014


Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A: A stick!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: That’s just silly! A boomerang is currently used as a toy but according to some histories it was/ is used for hunting. Originally it was made of wood but now can be made of plastic or other material.
This joke is funny because you expect a more serious answer and not such a silly answer. Of course if you throw a stick it will not come back.


Q: How did the karate teacher greet his students? A: “Hi-Yah!”

Explain this joke.

Explanation: To greet someone is to say, “hello” (or something similar) when you meet him or her. The words “Hi-Yay” are a common sound when doing karate. Saying “hi” is also a common way of greeting people.
This joke is funny because it plays with the word “hi.” You would expect a teacher to say, “Hi,” but not “Hi-yah!” … unless it’s a karate teacher. Feel free to watch The Karate Kid or Kung Fu Panda to learn more about karate. Now I am wondering, what is the difference between karate and kung fu?


Q:Why is spaghetti the smartest food? A:It always uses its noodle!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Yum! Spaghetti! To “use your noodle” is to use your brain, that is, to think. Spaghetti is a type of noodle.
This joke plays with the word noodle, both your brain and the pasta. Now I’m hungry and off to the kitchen I go!


Q: Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor? A: Don’t worry, it was just a stage he was going through!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Actors are the people who perform in a theater play or are on TV. The place where actors act is called the stage. So, if an actor falls through the floor he or she is falling through the stage.
To “go through a stage” means to go through a step in a a life process. There are many stages of physical and psychological development (e.g. Piaget, Erikson), stages of grief, …
This joke is funny because it plays on the literal and figurative meanings of “going through a stage.”


Q: What is an alien’s favorite candy? A: A Mars bar!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: An alien is a being from outer space, perhaps like E.T. And you already know what candy is. You might not know what a Mars bar is, though. A Mars bar is a candy bar made by the Mars company. Yum! Mars is also the name of the 4th planet from the sun (we are on the 3rd planet, Earth!).
This joke plays with the word Mars both as a candy bar and a planet in outer space, where an alien might come from.


Q: How much did the butcher charge for his venison? A: A buck!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: There is so much going on in this joke! To begin with, a butcher is a person who prepares/ cuts meat so that it is ready to be cooked. Venison is meat that comes from a deer; a female deer is called a doe and a male deer is called a buck. A buck is also another name for one U.S. dollar ($1.00). This joke is funny because it plays on the double meaning of the work “buck.”


Q:Why couldn’t the monster go to sleep? A:It was afraid there were children under the bed!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:This joke plays on a common fear of children that there is a monster under the bed- it turns that fear around by having the monster afraid that there are children under the bed.
Listen here for some scary stories.


Q:Why did the ninja go to the doctor? A:He had kung-flu!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Kung-fu is a Chinese martial arts style of fighting. It is also the name of an old TV show, yes, Grasshopper. The flu (influenza) is a contagious respiratory illness caused by a virus. This joke plays on the similarity between “flu” and “fu.”


Q:When does your dinner never get hot? A:When it is chili!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Chili is a type of food (and the name of a restaurant). Chilly means cold. Chile is the name of a country. This joke plays on the words chili (the food) and chilly (not hot).
It is still chilly here in Minnesota! Maybe I’ll make some chili!


Q:Why is it hard to play cards in the jungle? A:Too many cheetahs!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Cheetahs are large cats. The word “cheetah” sounds like the word “cheater,” a person who does not play by the rules; a person who cheats. It is really hard to play cards with a cheater!


Q:What goes, “Oom, oom?” A:A backwards cow!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Silly joke alert! In English, cows say, “Moo!” So if the cow is backwards is says, “Oom” which is “moo” written backwards. It is a good joke for a giggle!


Q: What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up? A: Someday my prints will come!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: The phrase would be, “Some day my prince will come.” Cinderella is waiting for her prince charming to sweep her off her feet. If she sent in some pictures to be developed she would wait for her prints to be printed, her pictures to be printed on paper.
This joke is funny because the word “prints” and the word “prince” sound the same. But they have very different meanings


Q:What do you call cheese that is not yours? A:Nacho cheese!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:“Nacho cheese” sounds like “not your cheese” if you say it fast. And as far as I know, there is not really a cheese called “nacho cheese” but there is cheese that you put on tortilla chips to make nachos. Yum!!


Q: How did Ben Franklin feel about discovering electricity? A: He was shocked!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: First of all, Ben Franklin did not discover electricity (learn more about the electricity here). What he did was an experiment to prove that lightning was electrical. It is a good thing he wasn’t killed! Anyway, “to be shocked” is to be surprised. “Shocked” is also what you feel when a bit of electricity enters your body. This joke is funny because of the double meaning of the word shocked.


Knock knock! Who’s there?

Explain this joke.

Queen
Queen who?
Queen yourself, I can smell you through the door.
Explanation: This knock-knock joke comes from GRIN:) at http://goodriddlesnow.com/jokes/by/knock-knock-jokes.
It is funny because it plays on the similar sounding words “queen” and “clean.” The listener expects something related to a queen knocking at the door. Instead, the listener hears an order to get “queen,” rather “clean.” It is as if the speaker does not speak clearly, like the cartoon character Elmer Fudd who is always outwitted by Bugs Bunny.


Q: Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? A: If it was, then it would be a foot!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: In the standard system of measurement, the system that is used in the United States, 12 inches equals one foot (about 30 cm). A foot is also a body part, just as a nose is a body part. This joke plays on the double meaning of the word “foot.” And of course, a nose cannot be a foot!


Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? A: In a cat-alogue!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: A catalogue is magazine that shows things that someone can buy; you might see a clothing catalogue, an electronics catalogue, … You can see images from a 1945 Sears catalogue here. And from a 1980’s Sears catalogue here.
Of course “catalogue” begins with “cat” and that is what makes this joke funny.
¡Happy Birthday to E. A. S.!


Q: Why couldn’t the 12 year-old go to the pirate movie? A: It was rated arrrrrgh!

Explain this joke.

A: It was rated arrrrrgh!
Explanation: In the U. S. there is a system of rating movies:
Rated G= appropriate for all audiences (general public);
Rated PG= Parental Guidance suggested- some material not appropriate for children;
PG 13= Parents Strongly Cautioned- some material may be inappropriate for children under 13;
Rated R= Restricted- children under 17 require accompanying parent or guardian.
Rated G= appropriate for all audiences (general public);
Rated PG= Parental Guidance suggested- some material not appropriate for children;
PG 13= Parents Strongly Cautioned- some material may be inappropriate for children under 13;
Rated R= Restricted- children under 17 require accompanying parent or guardian.
Therefore, 12 year-olds cannot go to a movie that is Rated R, or, as a pirate might say, “Arrrrrgh!”


Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball? A: He had no body to dance with!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: “Ball” is a synonym for “dance.” So, why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? Well, because a skeleton is all bones and nothing else, a skeleton does not have a body. That is, he has no body. When you put those two words together you get “nobody.” This joke is funny because it plays with the words “no body” and “nobody.” If he had nobody to go to the dance with he would go alone. In this case he had “no body.”


Q: Why did the lady sing lullabies to her purse? A: She wanted a sleeping bag!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Lullabies are the songs that caregivers sing to babies at bed time; the hope of singing a lullaby is that the child will fall asleep. The words “purse” and “bag” are synonyms; a purse is a shoulder bag that women use to carry their items. If the purse falls asleep, the bag would be sleeping. A “sleeping bag” is also the term used for a person-sized bag lined with warm materials that is used for sleeping, especially on camping trips. This joke plays on the phrase “sleeping bag” and the double meaning created in the joke.


Q: How does an Eskimo child fix his toys? A: With igloo!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: First of all, the term Eskimo is no longer used and is considered negative, pejorative, even racist. The two main groups who live in the northern regions by the arctic circle are the Yupik and Inuit. When naming groups of people let’s ask people what is the best name for them; people have the right to identify themselves.
Let me then, replace it with the word Inuit- How does an Inuit child fix his toys? This joke plays on the word igloo, a traditional ice home of some northern peoples. The word igloo has the word part “gloo” which sounds like “glue.” Glue would be used to fix a broken toy.


Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of picnics? A: A basket case!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Picnics are relaxed, outdoor meals, often eaten on a blanket or a picnic table. When you go on a picnic you take a picnic basket– a basket that has the food and plates and everything you need for the picnic.
“A basket case” is a term used for someone who has lost their mental health and is acting out of the normal (Basket Case is also a song by Green Day which I have never heard but will listen to now). This joke plays on the term “basket case” because you bring a basket to a picnic and no one is really afraid of picnics… at least I don’t think they are.


Q: Why can’t you take anything balloons say seriously? A: They’re always full of hot air!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: “To take something seriously” is to believe what someone is saying. “To be full of hot air” is to talk a lot without saying anything of importance or to say things that are not true. Balloons that rise into the air are literally full of hot air (or helium). This joke plays on the phrase “full of hot air.”


Q: Why did Michael’s grades drop after the holidays? A: Because everything was marked down!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: The holidays refers to the time of the year between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day. It is a time when lots of people by many gifts for various occasions (remember, these jokes mostly come from the United States and therefore reflect its humor and some of its customs). After the holidays stores have sales to get rid of merchandise that did not sell before the holidays; when an item is “on sale” the prices are “marked down.”
When a student looses points on an assignment his or her grade is marked down. This joke plays on the phrase “marked down.” If everything is marked down then it looks like Michael’s grades came down too. Perhaps he needs to study a bit more!


Q: What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve? A: He got 12 months!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Shoplifters are people who steal from a store, usually something small (but shoplifters also steal larger items). Shoplifting is against the law so, if you are caught by the police, you might have to go to jail. If you are caught by the police you will have a trial and get sentenced to spend time in jail. In this case, “He got [sentenced to] 12 months” means that he will spend 12 months in jail. This joke is funny because a calendar also has 12 months, and that is what he got when he stole the calendar.


Q: Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters? A: They both drop their needles!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Christmas trees that are brought into the house often lose their needles; they fall off the branches as the tree dries (even if it gets enough water). When someone knits a scarf or a sweater they use knitting needles, the long sticks that knitters use as they knit one and purl two. This joke is funny because it plays on the double meaning of the word “needles.”


Q:How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas? A:Deep and crisp and even!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: “Good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephen. When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even.”
This is a well known Christmas Carol but that last part sounds kind of like a pizza order- deep dish, crispy crust, evenly baked. Me? I’d add some pepperoni and it’d be perfect!


Q:What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A:Frosted Flakes!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Frost is frozen water vapor on a surface; it is kind of in between ice and snow. Snowmen are made of snow, which is kind of like frost. Frosted Flakes are a common breakfast cereal. Can you imagine a snowman eating cereal? I like snowmen jokes at this time of year.
Eat Well!


Q:What does Tarzan sing on Christmas? A:Jungle Bells!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:“Jungle Bells” is an invented song name that reminds the listener of the song “Jingle Bells.”


Q:How many presents can Santa fit in his empty sack? A:Only one. After that it is not empty anymore!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:The old empty sack trick! This joke plays on the understanding of the words “empty” and “how many.” The listener expects the answer to be a number, not an explanation. But it is true- if there is one gift in the sack it is no longer empty.


Q: What did Mary Poppins want for Christmas? A: Supercalifragilisticexpialisnowshoes!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Did you see the “snow shoes” part at the end of that word? This joke plays on the title of the song from Mary Poppins, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. You can watch a video of the song on the previous link. And there is a new movie about the making of Mary Poppins. Anyway, I think snow shoes would be a great gift.
Merry Christmas to all of you who celebrate it!


Q:How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? A:Nothing. It was on the house!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:If something is “on the house” it means it is free. Often you will hear the expression in a movie, “Drinks are on the house!” That means that the bartender or the owner of the restaurant will pay for the beverages. In this case the sleigh is literally on the house. That’s what makes the joke funny.


Q:What do you call an old snowman? A:Water!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Snowmen do not last very long because eventually they melt. When a snowman melts he becomes water. This joke is funny because the listener is expecting a name, not water. You can watch the cartoon version of Frosty the Snowman here.


Q:Who says, “Oh, oh, oh!”? A:Santa Claus walking backwards!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Santa is known for saying, “Ho, ho ho!” as he laughs. If you write “ho, ho, ho” backwards you get “oh, oh, oh.” Silly, silly silly!


Q:What is a parent’s favorite Christmas carol? A:Silent Night.

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Christmas carols are the songs sung at Christmas time. Moms and dads enjoy a night that is quiet once in a while. Silent Night is the name of a Christmas carol and a silent night for parents means that the children are asleep. “All is calm.”


Q:What happened to the beans when they showed up late to work? A:They got canned!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:“To get canned” means to get fired, to lose your job. Beans, when they are not fresh, come in cans (or are frozen). Beans are canned when they are put into cans… but these beans were late to work so they got fired, they got canned! This joke is funny because it plays with the idea of getting canned.


Q: Why did the students eat their homework? A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: “It’s a piece of cake” means that something is really easy.
Imagine a conversation between a teacher and a student: “What is 2 + 2 ?”
“Oh, that’s a piece of cake! It’s 4!”
A piece of cake (you take an entire cake and cut a piece out and serve it on a plate) can also be just a piece of cake. This joke is funny because it plays on the double meaning of “piece of cake.”


Q: What did the computer say when it fell into the quicksand? A: “Help me! I’m syncing!”

Explain this joke.

Explanation: When someone falls in quicksand they start to sink, that is, go down into the sand. When computers connect with other computers they “sync,” a word that means to synchronize. That is often how computers share information like when a person syncs an iPod with a computer to share music. The words sink and sync sound the same which is why this joke is funny.


Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital? A: He was feeling really crumbie!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Crumbs are the little pieces of cookie or bread that fall to the table as you eat; the “b” in the word crumb is silent so it sounds like “crum.”
“To feel crummy” means to feel a little bit sick, not too well but not full-on sick. This joke plays on the words crummy and crumb-ie (crumbie is not a word but puts the “ee” sound at the end of the word “crumb”). That’s just a little joke-ie for today. I hope you are feeling well and not crummy.


Q:What is a cat’s favorite color? A:Purr-ple

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Purple, that is! You see, the rumble noise that cats make under their chin when they are happy is called a purr. Cats meow and purr. This joke is funny because it plays on the “pur” part of purple. Rrrrrrrr!


Q: How do you keep someone in suspense? A: I’ll tell you tomorrow!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Suspense is that feeling of wanting to know what is going to happen. In his films, Alfred Hitchcock was a master of suspense, keeping you on the edge of your seat waiting to find out what was going to happen next. That’s what makes this joke funny- the questioner keeps the listener in suspense by saying, “I’ll tell you tomorrow!”


Q: What did the tooth fairy use to fix her wand? A: Toothpaste!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: The Tooth Fairy leaves small amounts of money under the pillow where small children have left a tooth that recently fell out. She always has a magic wand. I suppose that the wand could break and she would need some glue (also known as paste) to fix it. Because she is the Tooth Fairy she might use tooth-paste. That’s funny!


Q: Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? A: All the sailors were marooned!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: Marooned: to be stranded on an island after a ship wreck. Maroon: a dark red, almost purple, color. So, when red and blue are mixed, you get purple, well, maroon. This joke plays with the knowledge that red and blue make maroon (almost, sort of maroonish purple) and the knowledge that a boat crash may leave sailors marooned.


Q:What did the sock say to the foot? A:“Shoe!”

Explain this joke.

Explanation:Or did the sock say, “Shoo!” “Shoo” means go away, scram, get out of here as in the song “Shoo Fly, Don’t Bother Me.” Shoe, obviously, is what you put on your foot (after you put on your sock). Was the sock pointing out that the shoe was coming closer?
This joke is silly and doesn’t make much sense but it does make me giggle.


Q: Why was the nose feeling sad? A: It was tired of getting picked on!

Explain this joke.

Explanation: When you “pick your nose” you stick your finger in your nose and, well, remove whatever is in there. “To be picked on” means that someone is bothering you, bullying you: The older kid picked on the younger kid by pushing him every time they saw each other.
This joke plays with the words “pick” and “nose” and the double understanding there. It is funny because the nose is being picked on, not being picked.
It’s more polite to use a Kleenex.


Q:Why does Santa have a garden? A:So he can hoe, hoe, hoe!

Explain this joke.

Explanation:When Santa laughs he says, “Ho, ho ho!” When you work in a garden sometimes you use a hoe (a tool with a long handle and a flat piece of metal on the end that is perpendicular to the long handle). This joke is funny because it changes “ho, ho, ho” for “hoe, hoe, hoe.”