Lessons for Sensible Living IV: Cities and How to Survive Them
[The first page summarises the contents. The remaining pages clumsily elaborate on them in great detail.] I. On Not Going to Cities. The simplest piece of advice for Sensible Folk is to avoid cities entirely. II. On Marketplaces. People often tell me - 'Harrington, my fleeces and turnips are worth more in a city market than at the local village fayre.' Fools. To them I say, your fleeces and turnips will be robbed long before you reach the market square, and you will have only a few lumps and bruises to take home. III. On Taverns. All Sensible Folk enjoy draining a mug of locally produced ale in the company of their friends, but some of you may have heard tell of the extravagant taverns that populate the cities of the Sword Coast. If bawdy names like The Blushing Mermaid and The Wizard's Stave were not sufficient warning of their impropriety, let it be known that you will be robbed long before you finish your first tankard, and will have only a few lumps and bruises for company. IV. On Sewerage. Belike you keep a pot by your bedside and cast out the leavings into a communal pit of a morn. Sensible and cleanly behaviour. Many cities have dispensed with such simple methods of hygienic living, and instead the waste of the inhabitants comingles and flows through great channels beneath the very streets. A breeding ground for mucky creatures. V. On Becoming Lost. Cities are far too large and you will become lost almost immediately. A fellow once told me that Baldur's Gate is actually three cities in one - an outer, an inner, and an upper. I believe he thought I'd be impressed, but I simply spat in his eye and sent him on his way.