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How to help a financially self destructive person?
I am no expert by any means in divorce situations, but it seems like you probably have more than enough evidence (if you can back up everything you outlined here) that the living conditions an her place are not suitable for kids.  This ought to be enough for you to gain sole custody of the kids.  Maybe you didn't want to keep their mother in the equation for their benefit, but right now it's not to their benefit for her to be in the equation. The honest truth is that you're not in a position to help her being divorced.  You can't force her to do anything as things stand now.  But if you take legal actions to gain sole custody you might be able to lay down some conditions under which she could regain partial custody of the kids.  This might be the "scare" approach you're looking for if she cares about her children.