Hegel. Nothing helps.
Hello there, animal. What may I do for you?
Oh dear, my girlfriend doesn't understand me and,
and I don't know what to do.
Ah, what exactly confuses you?
You do make a rather simple impression.
When I'm hungry I become agressive all of a sudden
and start to attack everything in front of my face.
Most of the time, however, I wiggle my tail aimlessly
and feel as peaceful and balanced
as a flower in a meadow.
Well, that is truely a strange ensemble!
Have you considered being domesticated?
What would that get me?
If you were to make a good impression,
then it would bring you one bone a week.
And how would this bone help me?
Well, if you were hungry, you could bite the bone.
And if you weren't, the bone would lie calm
under your nose, as in your floral side.
Would the bone render my life whole?
You have comprehended the idea very well:
the more bone in front of you,
the fewer contradictions inside you.
And you'd give me a bone every week?
Naturally, that is what I am here for.
But if I always had a bone, how would I know
whether I'm peaceful or agressive.
Up to now, my feelings have always felt natural.
Behave as you prefer.
I might ask you to be agressive from time to time.
But I would then specifiy the particular occassions.
But would you be fine with that?
You would be very dependent on my teeth.
I will adapt.
And when you are happy because of my bone,
I will feel generous and considerate for that.
Thanks to you, I would converge on myself, so to speak.
Still, you seem to have your own contradictions.
I would only be a kind of bone to you.
Alright, alright, but ---
at least, we would resemble each other.
I would understand myself as little as
you understood your girlfriend.
Wouldn't threre be a certain solace in that?
Untranslatable dog language
I am the crude oil that was a bone.
I am the lawn mower before whom all flowers are equal.
I am violence in the household and boredom in nature.
I am absolutely delighted to meet you!
Finally, we are proceeding!
Our conversation just got stuck.
The animal feels misunderstood, well,
shall I say, almost exploited.
I am the first apprehensive silence
when two strangers introduce themselves.
I am the mutual „yes“ in front of the divorce judge.
I am the couples therapy for happy relationships.
I just don't know which contradiction is worse.
Should I not understand myself
or should I not understand him?
Ah, I wish I were on my own.
I am sitting where water sprouts arise on familiy trees.
I am the dog breed raised to arouse pity.
I am the „How are you?“
when loneliness is most beautiful.
We will overcome our differences.
From my point of view, our situation does not seem
severly tragic.
I am the deer gazing into your eye.
I am the hunter's yarn manifesting itself before you.
Interesting!
I am the jogger nature did not see coming.
Could your commands be equally flowing and beautiful?
I do not see it to be especially pragmatic.
I am the free trade agreement
that anticipates a new form of unionization.
I am the big company dispensing work visas worldwide.
I am the first quarrel between right winged populists.
------ It's me!
I concuuuuuuurrrrrrrrr
Uhm, well, where were we?
The bone!
That is correct. There it is.
So, I think I don't want to be in a relationship with you.
Yes, we are probably too similar.
It is too bad about the bone, though.
Then let's just share the bone.
Fair enough!
Oh, it's not solid.
No, it's formidable, indeed, I can shape it---
How it adapts to my wishes --
An ashtray maybe, or a bowl for cereal---
The chewing gum makes me look so masterly---
I really should-
Screenplay..............Görno Woldna
Starring
Görno Woldna............The Artificer
Marc Romisch........The Animal
Häns Peck...............God as Light
Special Thanks to
G.W.F. Heygal..................The Natural Religion
Das moderne Subjekt..............Das kleine Ich-bin-ich
Daniel Reichert..............Feinschliff
Party Intellectuals...................Happiness is a Warm Gun
Aunt Frieda....Dit wärmste Jäckchen is' dit Cognäckchen
Santa Elena..................lo spirito è un osso
"We were never asked to let a princess elevate"
