- [Ash] Okay, so shall we
fight the goblin zombies,
or should we go stock up
on some more supplies,
and try and go around them?
Maybe we could get some rope,
we could make a rope bridge,
so we can cross the river
without having to run into
the zombie goblins.
- [Josh] And remember that
you're in the town....
- [Tycer] Ah, ah, ah,
ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, hey!
Starting without me, are we?
After we spoke about this at school, rude!
- [Ash] Well you were taking forever!
- [Tycer] Oh, fine.
- [Josh] Excuse me, we're in the middle of
a sesh, and you're kind
of ruining our vibe.
- [Tycer] I can join midway through,
it's not like this is important, is it?
- [Josh] This is very important.
- [Ash] Well, I think it's important.
- [Josh] Life or death.
- [Ash] Yeah.
- [Tycer] Life or death? Yeah, why...
- [Josh] The Princess of Winterfell may
die if we don't defeat all of the goblins!
- [Tycer] Do you guys...
- [Ash] Yeah, exactly!
- [Tycer] You're not going to let me join
your game of D&D, really?
- [Ash] I mean...you're super late.
- [Josh] We'll let you join again, but
you're kinda late...
- [Ash] But I mean we have
to make this character
sheet...
- [Josh] And your
character sheet isn't even
filled out.
- [Ash] Yeah, exactly.
- [Tycer] Fine, just
tell me what's going on.
There's a goblin princess
with some like, weird thing?
- [Ash] No.
The princess is on the other side of
the river and standing in
between us and across that river
is a horde of zombie goblins.
So we have to figure out
if we go back to the town
and get supplies to make
a bridge and try to go
around them, or if we fight
then swim across the river,
and we don't know what to do.
- [Tycer] Okay.
This sounds incredibly boring.
- [Ash] Wha...
- [Tycer] I'm just saying
it, I'm just saying it!
Did...
- [Ash] Chad has done
an amazing job creating
this storyline, you're just jealous.
- [Tycer] Uh, I am...
- [Josh] Yeah.
Have you ever had to look
down the noses of thirty orcs,
with only a plus one mage staff,
when really you need a plus
five winter staff and you
don't have it yet?
- [Tycer] You know what, look...
- [Josh] 'Cause DM hasn't
given it to you yet.
- [Tycer] Look, 'cause D&D is for nerds,
and boring people.
- [Ash] (yawns)
- [Tycer] You know what's much cooler?
You know what's much cooler, a ha?
You know what's much cooler, yeah?
This is much better, look at this!
Look!
- [Ash] What?
What amazing little...
I am the
wizard
of the golden staff,
uh huh.
- [Ash] Uh huh.
- [Josh] You're jealous.
- [Tycer] Fine, if you
don't want to play with me,
I will just go by myself, then.
All right?
- [Josh] Is this our
imagine... box of imagination?
- [Tycer] Yeah yeah, in
there, if you jump in,
we go to an imaginary world.
- [Chad] Three, two, one...
- [Tycer] Now we know you, Mr Mouse!
Go Mr Mouse, go!
I think it's time...
- [Ash] (yells)
- [Tycer] Ash...
- [Ash] Uh, Josh can go next!
- [Tycer] Oh fine, Josh can go then.
Ladies first, but gentlemen just before!
Hello, hello, oh, I have arrived!
Hello!
- [Ash] Ugh, he said he's be coming soon.
- [Tycer] Oh hello, yes,
what were you selling?
Buy my potions.. Oh!
I don't know if I want
that potion immediately.
Mmm, sorry, mmm.
Oh, my goodness me, Chad, Chad!
Chad, my friend, does this not sound...
What are you dressed up as?
- [Chad] I am an assassin.
I will kill my target,
you won't see it coming.
I will be hidden, the whole time.
Whoa, didn't expect me
to come out over there,
you thought I'd come out over here,
or here instead!
- [Ash] Yeah,
he's been doing this the whole boat ride,
please get him to shut up.
- [Tycer] Oh, yes, it's
very delightful darling,
you look beautiful.
- [Chad] I'm here, I'm here!
Didn't expect me.
- [Tycer] Chad, Chad,
please, calm down sweetie.
- [Ash] Give me the good stuff.
- [Tycer] Chad... yeah,
can I have some of those
potions too?
Love some of those, oh yes.
Thank you, thank you so much.
- [Ash] Could you like hand me the...
- [Chad] Oh, yes.
- [Tycer] I'll take that, thank you.
- [Chad] Take my doubloons.
- [Tycer] Oh I'll take one
of those... I want one!
Please sir, please give me a potion.
Thank you.
(gasp) You offend thy!
I will kill you!
He gave me a potion of weakness,
a terrible potion that we cannot have!
- [Chad] Do you want,
do you want me to kill him?
Just give me some coin
and I'll do it for you.
- [Tycer] Okay, here's a coin.
- [Ash] You can use it to poison someone.
- [Tycer] That's a good idea,
that's such a very good idea.
- [Chad] Goodbye, my friend.
- [Tycer] Oh my goodness!
- [Chad] You never saw this coming.
- [Tycer] Oh my goodness!
- [Chad] You never saw it coming.
- [Tycer] I think he
definitely saw it coming.
- [Chad] It's time, there you go,
it's time to go.
- [Tycer] Oh quickly, loot his corpse.
I'll take that.
Delicious.
- [Chad] I am the perfect assassin.
- [Tycer] Can I... I
want to wear his clothes,
give me his clothes please.
- [Chad] Here.
- [Ash] Ew. Very weird.
- [Chad] They're a
little bit, a little bit,
warmed.
(record scratch)
- [Tycer] Hello!
Hello, right, there we
go, that's something stuck
in my throat.
For a while.
Um, now we need to storm the castle.
- [Chad] Perfect plan.
- [Tycer] Yes, yes.
Absolutely.
Are we prepared, Assassin and...
- [Ash] Yeah.
- [Tycer] Whatever you are, what are you?
- [Ash] I am a Mage who inherited a bow,
that's also a hero, now get off my ship.
- [Tycer] Okay, perfect,
you take the lead.
Get off my ship, (laughs).
- [Ash] Okay.
- [Tycer] Assassin.
Hey! Oh my goodness me.
- [Chad] Get out of here!
- [Tycer] You better
jump down here too, boy.
Not the conventional way.
- [Chad] You have to be ninja,
ninja skills, we have
to be light on our feet,
no one will see us here.
- [Tycer] Now our mission is to infiltrate
the castle but I can already
hear some ghouly goons,
can you?
- [Chad] Yes.
- [Ash] That's definitely
some ghouly goons.
- [Tycer] Let's sneak in,
and maybe what might be a
better idea actually is just
to wait here until night
time, then go inside.
'Cause then they won't have
their patrols out, agree?
- [Chad] Smart decision, smart.
- [Ash] Yeah.
- [Chad] They will never see us coming.
- [Tycer] Oh my goodness,
would you look at that!
It's bloody worked.
- [Chad] Whoa.
- [Tycer] Amazing.
Right, now Mage, as you
are the most skilled out of
all of us, would you
like to take the lead?
- [Ash] I mean, that was
obvious, but yeah, sure.
- [Tycer] Okay.
- [Chad] I bet you didn't expect to see
me down here.
I'm a ninja.
- [Ash] Yeah, I did, I saw you jump up.
- [Tycer] Why do you sound like Batman?
All the time.
- [Chad] I'm stuffy!
- [Tycer] Okay, I see.
- [Chad] You go through stealth,
stealth training and
it affects your voice,
it's really harsh on....
- [Tycer] Mage, which way do we go?
- [Chad] And I have laryngitis.
My assassin senses are saying this way.
- [Tycer] Okay, oh,
Mage has gone this way.
Okay. I am just following you.
- [Ash] I'm going through
some back pass so they
don't see us coming.
- [Tycer] Okay, I
understand, that may be a
good idea.
- [Ash] Oh, okay, well...
- [Tycer] Okay, let's back that up,
that's clearly a guard.
There's a village... no,
there's one of those things.
That looks very...
- [Ash] No it isn't.
- [Tycer] Get him quickly.
Get him in the face.
Wait...
- [Ash] I suggest we start running.
- [Tycer] That's a good idea,
I think he's going to try and kill us!
Run!
Run from the...!
Run, they're trying to catch us!
We need to infiltrate the...
- [Ash] Where is that dumb
assassin when you need him?
- [Tycer] Exactly!
- [Chad] I'm out here!
- [Tycer] Where, where?
- [Chad] I'm where you least him,
behind the enemy!
- [Tycer] Ah, the enemy,
well get them in the
butt! (laughs)
Rad, yo!
- [Ash] Circle around.
- [Chad] Hi-yah! Hi-yah!
- [Tycer] We do.
Oh my goodness, ow!
I'm getting properly smashed up here.
Hey!
Oh, my wizarding pads!
- [Chad] That's right,
I've killed one of them!
- [Tycer] You've already
got the mousy boy?
- [Chad] We got the mousy boy!
- [Tycer] The mousy boy!
- [Chad] I will help you!
- [Tycer] Quickly, get the other one!
Mind me!
- [Chad] I will help you!
- [Tycer] Oh, perfect.
- [Chad] You killed Steeler.
- [Tycer] I'll take this.
- [Chad] It's my kill.
- [Ash] It was not your
kill, I was fighting here
first.
[Tycer] Oh hello, I'm
back, welcome the ladies.
- [Chad] But I saw her first.
- [Chad] Oh, the princess is back!
- [Tycer] Hello, Red!
- [Ash] If you really think you took the
kill from me, then maybe
we should just duel it out.
(record scratch)
- [Chad] Okay then.
- [Tycer] Maybe you could duel it out.
- [Chad] You think you've....
- [Ash] And whoever wins,
gets the lady's hand.
- [Tycer] Oh, I agree with that one.
- [Chad] Okay.
Three, two, one.
Fight!
- [Tycer] Oh my goodness!
I'm rooting for you!
The one...
(exclaims)
Mamma mia!
Here we go again!
- [Chad] This is a difficult fight for me!
- [Tycer] Assassin, assassin!
- [Chad] No!
[Tycer] Oh my goodness!
- [Ash] Yeah, I'm not into princesses.
Well we should run, there's
a lot of googlies up here.
- [Tycer] There's a lot of googlies!
Um, don't leave me with them, please!
- [Ash] Ugh, just follow me.
[Tycer] Fine.
Can you take me to the castle, please?
I need... I think the
castle's actually....
I think it's the other way.
Take a right, um, yes.
- [Ash] We're going around the googlies,
but I mean, like, okay.
- [Tycer] Oh, that's fine.
No, we need to go this
way then claim the castle,
and then I will be the winner.
This is the castle, now
we just need to infiltrate
and keep our voices down.
And they won't know that we're coming.
(record scratch)
- [Ash] I actually gotta eat first.
Like, I'm hungry.
- [Tycer] Yeah, I don't
blame you, actually,
my love, please,
have a little nibble on
one of my golden apples.
Mmm, delicious.
- [Ash] Um, can you get me
a spare one, do you think?
- [Tycer] Um, maybe, here you go.
Perfect, since you asked so nicely.
- [Ash] Okay, thank you a lot.
That's actually very much appreciated.
- [Tycer] That's not to worry Princess.
Watch out behind you!
Whoa!
- [Ash] Oh, well, okay.
Yeah, okay, okay, okay...
- [Tycer] There's one
of those cheeky boys.
Yeesh.
Okay, I think we need to start
going deeper into the castle.
Are you with me?
- [Ash] Yeah, that's probably a good idea.
We could find some good loot in here.
- [Tycer] Exactly.
Let's head up to one
of the higher up rooms,
but hopefully there is no-one...
Mage!
- [Ash] Yeah, I was, I
was killing a spider.
- [Tycer] Stay with me,
this could be dangerous.
- [Ash] Could be, could be wrong.
- [Tycer] Now, if I
know anything about the
Princess's rooms is we need
to go the highest point
in the castle.
Watch out, don't fall off there,
that'd be an unsightly death,
we wouldn't want that, would we?
- [Ash] No, we definitely
wouldn't want that.
But anyways, we should probably continue.
- [Tycer] Yes, to the
highest point of the tower.
Correct.
That's where the wiz-wiz-wizard...
(stutters)
wizard is the most strongest.
And maybe...
- [Ash] Those are the Princess's?
- [Tycer] Watch out, kill him!
Take it, take his life!
He must be a reincarnated devil.
Take him!
Kill him, beat him to the ground!
Wait, his companion's here!
Oh my goodness, his companion is...
- [Ash] I may go down here.
- [Tycer] Wait!
Oh no, no, I must run, to the top!
No, chad, why!
Why, don't please, let me run, Chad!
Chad, please, why are
you doing this to me?
- [Chad] You have come
here to try to steal
our booty, this is the crown jewels!
- [Tycer] But Chad!
- [Chad] You can't,
you can't dare take the crown jewels!
- [Tycer] But Chad...
- [Chad] Do you want,
do you want to take the crown jewels?
- [Tycer] I would love
to take the crown jewels,
actually.
But um...
- [Chad] Then you must die.
- [Tycer] Okay, just give me a...
Just bear with me a second,
let me just like, fight for my life,
you know what I'm saying?
It's like Ru Paul's Drag Race
where they dance for their...
Well, they actually lip
sync for their life,
but anyway, just bear with me here.
Yes, yes, bear with me.
Yes, so any final words
from you, actually?
- [Chad] On
my life,
this kingdom will be protected!
- [Tycer] Will it?
- [Chad] On guard!
- [Tycer] Watch out!
Magic coal?
Watch this!
Watch out, boy!
- [Chad] No! My weakness!
- [Tycer] Prepare, Explodium!
- [Chad] DNT!
- [Tycer] (laughs) Well
that went pretty eventful.
Well you kind of blew up the
whole entire tower actually.
But, always through a little
magical spell doesn't go
too far, too bad, too wrong (laughs).
