>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU
EVERYBODY, GOOD TO BE HERE IN
HOLLYWOOD, VERY EXCITING.
I FLEW HERE FROM NEW YORK.
I FLY EVERY WEEK FOR COME HE
DOOSM I GET VERY ANXIOUS WHEN I
FLY.
I'M NOT AFRAID OF A CRASH, I'M
AFRAID OF A CONVERSATION.
THAT IS WHAT I HATE ABOUT
FLYING, PEOPLE WANT TO TALK TO
YOU ON AIRPLANES, I WAS ON THE
PLANE THE GUY FLEX TOW WAS LIKE
WHAT DO YOU DO I MIND MY OWN
BUSINESS ON AIRPLANES THASH STD
MAIN THING I DO.
FIRST OF ALL ARE YOU SITTING TOO
CLOSE TTION T TOGETHER TO VEY
CONVERSATION, THE GUY IS TRYING
TO MAKE EYE CONTACT, WE ARE JUST
STAIRING AT EACH OTHER FROM THIS
DISTANCE.
I COULD KISS YOU WITHOUT MOVING
A NECK MUSCLE RIGHT NOW.
(LAUGHTER)
I WAS AT THE AIRPORT THE OTHER
DAY IN NEW YORK CITY, THEY WERE
PLAYING WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE BY
GUNS H ROSES AT THE AIRPORT.
GREAT SONG, I LOVE, I'M A ROCK
'N' ROLL GUY BUT IT SAY LITTLE
MUCH AT THE AIRPORT.
I'M WALKING IN THE TERMINAL, I
JUST HERE-- HEY, COULD HE WITH
COOL IT DOWN A LITTLE BIT, IT'S
7:30 A.M., MI EATING A MUFFIN
LOOKING FOR AN OUTLET.
I DON'T NEED THE ROCK, ALSO ST
UNNERVING TO BE BOARDING THE
FLIGHT AND HEAR, YOU'RE GOING TO
DIE!
(APPLAUSE)
LIKE IF THEY PLAYED NOAKING ON
HEAV EP IN'S DOOR NEXT I'M NEVER
FLYING AGAIN.
I CAN'T SLEEP ON THE PLANE, MY
FRIEND DOESN'T UNDERSTAND, WHY
CAN'T YOU SLEEP ON AN AIRPLANE.
>> BECAUSE STAY NOT A NORMAL
SLEEPING SITUATION, LIKE IF YOU
WHEN HOME AND WENT TO BED AND
THERE WAS A JET ENGINE IDLING
OUTSIDE YOUR BEDROOM WINDOW, YOU
WOULD PROBABLY BE LIKE I'M NOT
GOING TO SLEEP WELL TONIGHT
BECAUSE OF THE JET ENGINE
OUTSIDE OF THE BEDROOM WINDOW
AND ALSO SOMEBODY REPLACED YOUR
YOUR BED WHICH A CHAIR AND THERE
WERE 71 STRANGERS IN THE BEDROOM
WITH YOU AND THEY WERE ALL
WATCHING MOVIE, YOU WOULDN'T
EVEN TRY THO SLEEP AND SOMEBODY
WOKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
NIGHT TO YOU EVER A YOU A COKE.
I KNOW ARE YOU TRYING TO SLEEP
BUT DO YOU WANT A COKE RIGHT
NOW?
I'M LIKE YEAH, GIVE ME A COKE, I
LIKE TO BREAK UP MY SLEEP WAY
CAN OF COKE, THAT SHOW I SLEEP
AT HOME, I SLEEP FOR FOUR HOURS,
WAKE UP, DRINK A CAN OF COLA,
SPICE UP MY DREAMS FOR THE
SECOND HALF.
THANK YOU.
I'M KILLING THAT GUY OVER THERE.
I'M TOO ANXIOUS TO SLEERNTION
I'M A VERY ANXIOUS GUY.
YOU CAN PROBABLY TELL.
I'M TRYING TO RELAX I GOT INTO
BEUDZISM, I WASN'T A BOOED T  
WASN'T A BOOK T WAS A MEME IF
I'M BEING HONEST.
I JUST SAY I RED A BOOK, IT
SOUNDS BETTER BUT  ES ARE
PRERVEL T IS MORE SUCCINCT, I
READ ONE THAT SAID LET NEGATIVE
THOUGHTS COME INTO YOUR HEAD BUT
DON'T SERVE THEM TEA, HMMMM?
CUZ YOU DON'T WANT YOUR NEGATIVE
THOUGHTS LINGERING AROUND
DRINKING HE TEA, THAT IS THE
ANALOGY.
MINE ARE DOING COCAINE, THAT SAY
BETTER ANALOGY, NIE NEGATIVE
THOUGHTS ARE CLIMBING A CHAIN IT
WILL MAKE THE WORLD
UNINHABITABLE, TOMORROW!
, OH, GOD, THAT IS IL CANNING
ME.
RELAX, THANK YOU, DID YOU KNOW
HUMAN BEINGS HAVE UP TO 70,000
THOUGHTS A DAY, I JUST HEARD
THAT.  I THAWT THOWTD IT WAS
LIKE NINE, 70U THO.
I FEEL LIKE HAVE I FOUR THOUGHTS
A DAY, THEY JUST REPEAT 70,000
TIMES.
MY FOUR THOUGHTS ARE ARE MY
PARENTS GOING TO DIE, I'M
HORNEE, IS THAT CANCER, IS THIS
FUNNY, THOSE ARE THE ONLY FOUR
THOUGHTS I EVER HAD IN MY WHOLE
LIFE, THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU.
>> I JUST GRAP CLAPPED ARE
[BLEEP] I JUST CLAPPED FOR YOU
GUYS CLAPPING.
HE I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE
KIDS, IF YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS OR
ARE GOING TO, HERE SAY HOT TIP.
YOU CANNOT HIT YOUR KIDS ANY
MORE.
PEOPLE GET VERY UPSET, TINNINGLY
THE KIDS THEMSELVES.
YOU CAN'T HIT THEM BUT WHAT YOU
CAN DO IS YOU CAN THROW YOUR
KIRKEDS INTO A SWIMMING PALACE
HARD AS YOU POSSIBLE LEIGH CAN,
NOBODY SAYS ANYTHING.
I DIDN'T INVENT, THIS I JUST
HAPPENED TO BE AT A HOTEL POOL
AND THERE WAS A LITTLE KID
RUNNING AROUND, PROBABLY
PFEIFFER OR SIX YEARS OLD, HE
WENT TO HIS DAD, THROW ME IN THE
POOL, AND THE DAD WAS LIKE YOU
GOT IT SON.
AND THEN THED ABOUT'S WHOLE FACE
CHANGED, HE GRABBED HIS KID BY
ONE WRIST AND HE WAS
LIKE-- AAHH!
HE ALMOST CLEARED THE POOL, HE
HIT THE SIDE AND UNDER BOOED IT.
IT LOOKED LIKE SOUTHERN, HE WAS
LIKE SIR F YOU GET LOW ENOUGH
YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO SKIP HIM,
RIGHT ACROSS.
THERE I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU
HOW TO RAISE YOUR FAMILY.
GLAND THE BAND SHEER.
THE KID DIDN'T MIND, HE WAS LIKE
WEEEEE AND THE DAD WAS LIKE
YEAH, WEEEEE USED TO HAVE SEX
BEFORE YOU WERE BORN.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, THANKS FOR
BEING HERE.
(APPLAUSE).
>> James: JOE LIST, EVERYBODY,
COME ON BACK.
THAT WAS GREAT.
