hello and welcome welcome welcome to
feminine success secrets the place women
come to become powerfully feminine I am
Candice Oneida.  today I'm going to teach
you six steps to do self-care through
self compassion
are you really hard on yourself? do you find it kind of
difficult to forgive yourself when you
make a mistake? are you a bit of a
perfectionist? do you find yourself
feeling a bit resentful? do you take
things personally?   now if you relate to
anyone or any number of those questions
like this asked then you are suffering
from a lack of self compassion now the
reason why I'm talking about self
compassion as core principles for
self-care because these things become
the life living ongoing background about
how you're treating yourself in life so
step number one forgive yourself we all
make mistakes
to err is human as they say they're the
learning to forgive yourself when you
make mistakes that is really
compassionate it's really okay I screwed
up I did something wrong I didn't do it
intentionally I didn't mean to screw up
that job or hope that person will say
that thing in a way that landed poorly
forgive yourself
now of course self forgiveness as we
learn how to do this leads to being able
to forgive others when they screw up
when they when they fumble something
okay step number two no more should and
shouldn't no more right and wrong no
more good
and these dialectics should and
shouldn't good bad right wrong are the
core of how do ality goes wrong inside
of us there's this beautiful work by
this man called Marshall Rosenberg
called nonviolent communication or what
it later became known as compassionate
communication as it happens essentially
one of the things he teaches in
nonviolent communication is to get out
of this dynamic of right wrong good bad
should shouldn't and separate yourself
from what's happened and to feel deeply
into yourself in a way that's another
step that we have to stop the shoulds
and shouldn't first catch yourself doing
and going go instead or am I feeling
what am I feeling right now this is a
little a side tip to a pathway to true
inner freedom own your feelings
it is very compassionate to own your
feelings step number three let go as
they say the best laid plans of mice and
men now what that means is look if
you're a smart successful ambitious
woman we have high expectations of what
we want to achieve how we want to be how
we communicate we tend to be extremely
hard on ourselves in a way that is a bit
inhuman you wouldn't necessarily do it
in the same way with somebody else but
it can also lead to having really strong
expectations of other people so learning
how to let go is about okay I plan to do
this it fell through sometimes things
just don't go the way that we planned
and in fact in a learning of feminine
power we learn to be a lot more fluid
with the way we goal set with the way we
communicate
the way we lose use our body in the way
that we create expectations and
assumptions by the way as they say
assumptions make an ass out of you and
me seu me it's a pretty good one
actually so we want to be a bit more
fluid with how we call set how we plan
things it's way more enjoyable for you
it's way more enjoyable for who's
sharing in whatever that is with you if
you have more fluidity and again as an
aside if you're in a relationship
situation you want to let the masculine
do the leading in order that we can see
even to follow and be more in the
inviting orientation we are about
experience as women experience is more
important to us than the goal step
number four dark self judgments you have
to drop the self judgment it comes from
this being high yourself isn't going to
make you better at what you do being
hard on yourself
doesn't make you excel in fact being
hard to think of the word being hard on
yourself creates a crystallization a
hardening inside somehow of your
structure we want to do the opposite
with women we want to create space we
want to create expansion we want to
create opportunities we want to create
invitation right so stop being hard on
yourself and the antithesis the obvious
antithesis is be soft with yourself and
it doesn't mean that you're going to be
less successful or less capable or less
intelligent it actually creates more
fluidity more lubrication of
consciousness when you learn how to do
that step number five don't take things
personally I know this is a big one for
me and still is at times ho friend in
front of me is tired or a bit cranky or
a bit shitty and they're being short
with me and I think it's about me it's
usually not something's gone wrong
and I take it personally I've done
something wrong now the thing is
honestly underneath that is some belief
that you are wrong there's something
wrong with you and so we have to come
back to this don't take it personally if
someone is behaving a certain way in
front of you whether it's somebody you
love and adore or the checkout chicks
being short with you don't take it
personally all of these steps I'm
teaching you today when you learn how to
bring compassion to yourself you then
start to see through a lens of
compassion on behalf of others and it's
such a beautiful thing when you can drop
these things drop that don't be like
this be more open be more full it would
be more soft because then you can go
home
that person's having a really hard day I
wonder what I can do in my energy to
hold a space for them to be more
receptive to be more supportive and if
you're reacting to them because you
think that there's something wrong with
you then that doesn't help anybody and
step number six be gentle with yourself
be gentle with yourself now if we're
wanting people friends partners life to
be gentle with us we need to learn to be
gentle with ourselves first this is a
follow on from the not being hard on
yourself
so being gentle being kind being
compassionate toward yourself we tend to
be harder on ourselves than we are with
anybody else right and there's something
not quite right about that is a learning
through this being gentle being
compassionate being kind doing self-care
in general that changes your energy it
changes your relationship to your body
it changes your relationship to your
life if you liked the steps in the video
today give me a thumbs up or a thumbs
down don't mind just interact I love
interaction on the channel and I'd love
you to put a comment below on how you
are compassionate to yourself and
remember when you have the courage to go
out there and shine you give others
permission to do the same so let's go
out there and shine this week bye for now.
