Hey!
Greetins, my fellow Earth-tards.
As usual, I am your host for the soon-to-be
award-winning show How I Seize It,
Miss Loretta Jenkins.
But unless y'all start doin' something about
today's topic,
we all gonna drown 'fore I get my due.
And my downfall as well as all the planets'
is gonna be all your fuckin' fault!
Caprice?
Alright, lemme just explain why I so ornery
today.
It piss me off to no end when I hears people
say-
Oh, and it usually them nay-sayin' Publicans...
"They ain't no such a thing as global warming."
"That's just the natural cycle of weather."
(evil laugh)
You fuckshits out there that's in denial
about what's goin out there in the real world...
Global Warmin' is for realz!
The global is warnin' us!
And you ignorant fuckheads is ignorin'
what's in front of your ignorant eyes!!!
Some of y'all out there is thinkin'
'Oooh, naw.
God and Jesus ain't never
gonna let that happen to us cause we pray.'
It don't matter which way your beliefs swing,
you can't be shittin' on the Earth
with all your pollutin' and your car dioxides
and your trashy landfills and your spray cheese
and your dirty diapers
and expect that the Mother Earth ain't gonna
give you the smackdown
or God gonna teach you a lesson for
abusin' his land.
What the fuck!
What you expect?
Either way, we doomed unless we change our
ways
you stoop, litterin' mother fuckers!
I mean caw, put yourself in some
Earth shoes and see the light!
I mean hurricanes in New Orleans used to be
my most favoritest drink in my favoritest
city.
And fifty years from now?
Gonna look like the Lost City Atlantis!
And all that rain over there?
We don't get over here.
And why?
Too much manmade shit floatin' around out
there.
There ain't no room to make no rain.
And then all the plants is gonna die-
We ain't gonna have no good oxygen
and all of us is gonna be walkin' around like
nursin' home folks-
And I for one...
...do not have an ensemble
that matches an oxygen tank.
Thank you very much!
Has y'all seen that Day After Morrow?
That shit's like a premonition documentary
and you know why?
I mean just look at science, y'all...
The ozone is like a...
condom for the Earth.
Condom break?
Ice caps start meltin' from a lotta sunfections
comin' in...
And y'all we ain't got no penicillin
for that kinda situation.
Then, look at your bible history...
Ancient people showed disrespect,
God brought a flood.
Oooh!
That remind me.
I need to call my black friend Dawne-
Tell her she need to learn how to swim, finally.
Can't let my brown gal drown!
Just like any woman, the Earth's got cycles.
And the next cycle comin'...
...is the Ice Age.
Do you think I wanna cover up
this rockin' bod with a full-length fur?
Y'all follow my footsteps:
I recycle beer cans for ashtrays,
I cut off someone's electricity if they a
punk ass
and save on energy,
I cut down to two pack a day
so y'all could breathe better!
I'm a goddamn hero!
So, what do you say?
Will you join me in tryin' to save
this dirt-and-water shit hole?
Y'all listenin'?
Shit, I don't even know why me
and Al Gores bothers nomore.
Y'alls a lost cause!
That's How I Seize It.
Ignorant sons a bitches...
