I had intended on making a hilarious video
with wigs and green screens and costumes and
characters.
I changed my mind and instead decided to make
a response video to Jenna Marbles' "Things
I Don't Understand About Women: Sluts Edition."
Jenna Marbles: The first thing I don't understand
about sluts is a one-night stand.
A true one-night stand: when you meet someone,
you're out somewhere, and then you go home
somewhere just to have sex with them.
This concept is like [makes "mind-blowing"
motion] to me.
Maybe I'm at his house and, you know, he's
got big plans of chopping me up in little
pieces and keeping me in his freezer for awhile.
Maybe he's got, like, 10 roommates in the
other room that are all just waiting to close
in and gang-bang you for the night.
Help the sluts of the world make less bad
slutty decisions.
FR: Two really amazing YouTubers have already
done responses that I completely co-sign and
think that they did a great job of explaining
slut-shaming and why it is bad and how it
lead to a really slippery slope,
so make sure to check out videos by Laci Green
and Hayley G. Hoover.
I will link them in the video description
box.
Laci did a really great job--and so did Hayley--of
just kind of adding a disclaimer that this
is not an attack on Jenna Marbles.
This is really about a larger problem, and
she's just kind of opened the door to the
conversation.
I've decided to chime in here because I
actually have personal experience with this.
Awesome! Of all the things I never thought
I'd be sharing on the internet, this is
definitely one of them.
When I was 18, just past my 18th birthday,
I was date-raped.
That is how I lost my virginity.
That's my beautiful story about how I was
deflowered.
For my 18th birthday, one of the girls that
I worked with took me to a concert.
She bought me concert tickets, and we went
with her boyfriend and his roommate.
Somewhere through the course of drinking all
day and not really eating very much and kind
of feeling pressured to drink
because I was not really a drinker,
when it was time to leave the concert, I was,
like, beyond inebriated.
Like, stumbling and slurring my words and
having a hard time--and so clearly, I could
not drive home.
And, in retrospect, I don't know if there
was something in my drink because I've never,
ever gotten like that post-the situation.
I blacked out--like, donezo. Like, no recollection,
was not conscious.
It wasn't until the morning that I even
realized that I had sex and I was like, "Wait
a second, what, what happened? This doesn't
feel right."
And I asked my girlfriend and she was like,
"Yeah, you totally had sex with him, you
were like, so bad."
I remember feeling mortified.
Just thinking "Oh my God, why did this happen
to me?" I mean, just all of those horrible
thoughts going through my head, blaming myself.
I told her, I begged her, "Please don't
say anything about this at work."
She told my co-workers. She told my manager,
and they said horrible things about me.
They called me a slut, and I was the running
joke.
I was the running joke at work.
And because of that, I didn't say anything.
I'm making this video because there are
women that speak out about experiences that
have happened to them,
about their rape experiences.
And time and again, everyone tells them, "Well,
it was your fault. You shouldn't have done
this, you shouldn't have done that."
No. Can we stop telling girls that they "shouldn't
get raped"
and instead tell men to stop fucking raping
women and to stop taking advantage of women?
And, I mean, you see it all the time.
Most recently, there was a young woman who
was 11 years old, I think it was in Texas.
She was gang-raped by 20 guys.
Eleven years old.
The New York Times writes a story about it,
and for some reason, the story continues to
focus on how much makeup this young woman
wore, how late she stayed out, and how "grown-up"
and "sexily" she dressed.
She was 11 and 20 guys raped her, and somehow
it's her fault?
I'll put a link in the video description
box because you have to read it to believe
it.
You can be the "perfect person" and still
get raped, and it would not be your fault.
The same way you could make "tons of bad
decisions" and engage in risky behavior
on a daily basis, and if someone rapes you,
it is the rapist's fault, not yours.
I wish someone had said that to me. I wish
I'd had someone that told me that it wasn't
my fault, that I should speak up.
(My camera stopped in the middle. It was like,
"You've said enough!")
It's just scary to think how many women
and girls have been in this same position
and haven't said something,
or have been discouraged from saying something,
because they in some way, shape, or form felt
like it was their fault.
Across the board, the only constant--because
there are so many different scenarios where
someone could be a victim of abuse; not just
women, men, as well--
the only constant is that person that makes
the bad decision to hurt someone else.
I do think that it's really great that Jenna
touched on the idea of looking out for one
another.
If you see a woman that is in a potentially
dangerous situation at a bar or what have
you, there's no reason that you can't
step and try to help her out.
But, what I would add to that is, it shouldn't
just be a woman's responsibility to look
out for other women;
there's no reason that a guy can't step
in at a bar and say,
"Hey dude, this girl is wasted, I don't
think she wants to go home with you. Let's
put her in a cab."
One of the comments that was left on my Facebook
page that I really liked
was made by a young woman by the name of Regina,
and she said something along the lines of,
"It's important to help victims, but it's
also important to prevent victims from happening."
And I really liked that because it's not
probably a good idea for anyone to blackout
drunk,
and I say that as someone speaking from experience.
I hope that I've added another perspective
to this conversation
in just kind of explaining why it's important
that we move away from slut-shaming and that
we also
promote being smart and being responsible
to everyone, not just with a focus on women.
There are people of all spectrums and walks
of life that are affected by sexual assault
and abuse,
and the best way to prevent it and to make
sure that those who are responsible are held
accountable is to
stop blaming our victims and to continue being
smart and finding ways to protect ourselves
and protect each other. I'll see you guys
later.
