(cheerful upbeat music)
(laughing)
- I kid you not, I was stuck
in the bunker for months.
I had nothing to eat except Peely,
and I'm still eating his remains now.
- That's crazy.
Luckily someone was able
to save all of humanity.
- Ah Roach, we get it, you saved mankind.
You hacked the volcano in some sort of
techno-physiological
miracle that scientists
still don't understand.
- Can you repeat that first part again?
- Uh, you saved mankind.
- I think it's great that
I am back, right guys?
Right?
Look, I'm Vega.
- Yeah, and it's great
that Anya is some sort of
futuristic sky ranger or something.
(slurping)
(burps)
- Yup.
- Well, cheers to this
new, fantastic mega-mall
and cheers to the next Battle Royale.
I can't wait to drop.
- Roach, we already dropped.
(clatters)
- Robo-Chicken!
(energetic rock music)
- Tanner, do you have any weapons
or projectiles you can throw?
- No, I was just enjoying
the new map like an idiot.
Now I know that I just need to stay focus,
oh my God, a Panda Express?
- [Roach] Tanner, no!
(guns blasting)
- Hey guys, I see a combat shotgun
over on the other side of the food court.
- You mean like a pump shotgun?
- No.
- Oh, like a tactical?
- No.
- A heavy?
- No.
- Oh, a double barrel.
- You know what, just forget it.
- There's too many shotguns in this game!
- Roach, cover me.
- I'm covering you!
(shots blasting)
(screaming)
- Oh no, it's John Wick.
Oh no, another John Wick.
(shots blast)
(grunting)
(dramatic music)
(inspirational orchestral music)
Woo hoo!
It was a great idea to
add blimps to the game.
(screaming)
(crashing)
(shots blasting)
(grunts)
- No, please, my last meal was Arby's.
- Prepare to be scrap metal, chicken boy.
(clanks)
(yells)
(grunts)
(shots blasting)
(grunts)
(shots blasting)
- I'll never be able to
knock him down from here.
Oh wow, this thing's got some good range.
- Anya, there's a drone over there
with a bunch of weapons
and materials in it.
(clanking)
- What the hell was that thing?
- I don't know, but
thank God for you, Anya.
You saved us even though
I'm still team leader.
Wait, you forgot to res me.
Come on, I was joking.
Come back!
No, I really wasn't being serious.
(crashing)
- The volcano gave us a chance to rebuild.
Neo tilted, bright lights, big city,
the type of place that'll
turn a man into a dog
or in this case, Doggo.
(grunts)
- Oh man, the last thing I'm gonna see
before I die is a holographic hamburger.
- For the greater good,
I will defeat my rivals
and kill this homeless default.
- Homeless?
- Dude, for the last time,
you're not an anime character.
- Do not underestimate
me and my special power.
(grumbling)
- I say we throw him into a
boiling crater or something.
Then he'll really be in some hot water.
- I'll handle him.
Wanna know why they call me Plague?
(coughing)
- Oh God, please cover your mouth.
Where is my squad?
Come on, guys.
(grunts)
(energetic dance music)
- Wow, this is some city.
- It's so futuristic.
- Hey look, it's Fish
stick, doing big things.
- Who's trying to play some basketball?
He shoots, he score,
(crashes)
- Uh, let's just go and
explore these buildings.
- Yes, you idiots, run
around with your guard down.
They're just asking to be attacked.
- I will avenge my parents!
- That, that has nothing to do with this.
What?
Stop that.
Cut it out.
I'm serious. (laughing)
- What is this?
Ew, no.
(breaking glass)
- Oh wow, there's a whole
bunch of electric champagne.
- Hey look, dual pistols,
that way I'll look
double badass when I die.
- All right, I'm gonna
run to the top floor,
see if I can find any guns.
- Be careful, Tanner, you
never know who might be
lurking these skyscrapers.
(door thumps)
- Oh yeah, a Burst SMG.
(gun clicks)
(gun blasts)
(screams)
- Time to unleash my ultimate power!
Gotta go fast!
(energetic rock music)
- Looks like we got us
a rogue squad member.
- Let's pan fry him and
dip him in soy sauce!
- All right guys, looks
like Tanner's in trouble.
- Let me in.
I'll kill them all.
- They'll expect enemies
coming from the doorway.
I need you two to sneak around the ledges
and attack from the outside.
- Where is my squad?
Come on, guys.
(grunts)
- All right, now for some liquid courage.
(glass breaks)
Woops.
- What the?
What is that?
- It's a storm, the storm
that killed my parents.
I'll destroy it with
friendship and bravery!
Yeah!
(yelling)
(barking)
- Oh no, Doggo hates storms.
Relax, Doggo.
I can't believe this storm
snuck up on us like that.
All I know is nothing else
is gonna sneak up on us
especially not an enemy squad.
Now let's get out of here.
Oh, (beeps).
(crumbling)
- Going somewhere?
(gun blasts)
- I've deserted my family!
(gun blasting)
- Do uh,
do we kill him?
- Aw, come on, he's a good boy.
(laughing)
- Just get outta here, you scamp.
(laughing) Okay, that's enough.
(laughing) Okay, stop it.
Seriously, Doggo, stop it!
(gun blasts)
Dammit, Doggo, I didn't
want to have to do that.
(knocking)
- I don't know, Captain,
just looks like a normal
house to me, pretty quiet.
- [Captain] Copy that, visitor.
Just knock and stand by.
This is where our research takes us.
(grumbles)
(knocking)
- Good afternoon, sir.
I am a cleaning agent,
offering a full house clean
for the affordable price of 300 V bucks.
(dramatic music)
(grunts)
Time to meet the deep
fryer, mother (beeps).
(gun blasts)
- Well that was close,
but our secret is safe.
(dramatic orchestral music)
All right, Lieutenant
Ragnarok, let's get a briefing.
- Actually, it's Lieutenant
Ghost of Ragnarok,
you know, since I'm dead.
Anyways, we've got a
location on our target
and as suspected, he's in the woods.
We captured a visual.
Todd,
Todd, are you paying attention?
- I maded a macaroni chicken.
- (grumbling) Yes, Todd, great work.
We'll put it on the fridge.
Anyway, we captured a visual
of him right in Lonely Lodge.
I think we've got him this time.
- Captain Fish stick, this is it.
Are you up for the mission?
(cheerful orchestral music)
(gentle running water)
Stay cautious, Captain,
our target is dangerous,
totally cut off from the modern world.
He's also extremely stealthy.
He may sneak up on you.
- Yo, hold on, hold on.
(beeps) I forgot to charge
my Apple Watch last night.
Yeah, I passed out
watching Stranger Things.
Yeah, let me, uh let me
FaceTime you later, bro.
All right, peace.
- [Anya] All right, Captain,
you've got tranquilizer
darts loaded in your rifle.
Take the shot when you get a chance.
- [Todd] Are you talking to Fish stick?
Hey little fishy.
- [Anya] Dammit Todd, stop it!
(dramatic orchestral music)
- Ooga Booga, sha na na.
Booga, boogana.
- [Anya] Captain Fishboi, come in.
Do you hear me?'
- Booga, boogana.
- Nobody move.
(inspirational music)
I let you down, Fishy.
Todd
let
team
down.
- Whoa dude, don't do that.
That'll kill us all!
- Dude, you could talk this whole time?
- Ha, yeah, I guess I could.
(sirens sounding)
- [Fishboi] Well this
here's the end, I guess.
Don't know why I got this here accent.
I'm not even in my cowboy clothes.
- Well, the simulation failed.
Maybe we're not ready.
(cheerful holiday music)
- Jesus, it's like mid-July and there's
still snow on the ground?
- Whoa, looks like
there's a bunch of houses
that got frozen over.
(clattering)
Whelp, I'm stuck here forever.
- Hey, I see a Chug Jug up there.
(clattering)
(thumping)
- Wait a second, Tanner,
that's not a Chug Jug, it's
a Chug Splash energy drink!
♪ Chug Splash ♪
- A what?
(grunting)
Dude!
- All right guys, if we
wanna make it to the volcano,
then we've gotta keep moving.
- Gosh, it's always about
that stupid volcano with you,
isn't it?
- Roach, you're the one that
wanted to go to the volcano.
- Volcano, volcano, volcano, volcano!
- Well, we made it to the volcano.
With all those slip streams,
you can literally get
from A to B in no time.
- Aw man, this uphill climb
is really burning my quads.
I thought Tanner was in front of us.
- What?
No, yeah, right here.
Come on, volcano, lava,
last one in's a rotten egg.
- Last one in the lava?
- Are you really drinking
that Chug Splash energy drink?
- Yeah, no, what?
Yeah, yeah, it's good.
(hissing)
(gulping)
- Well that's fine, but we've
got some enemies down there.
- Come on, would the developers
really put it in the game
if we couldn't fly it?
- Yes, dude.
- Yeah, yeah, no, that's great.
Hey, anybody got any Chug Splash left?
- Nobody else is drinking that garbage.
- Hey Tanner, I bet that
enemy squad down there
has some Chug Splash.
- Really?
I'm on it.
- Whoa, whoa, build down, don't jump down.
- Build?
There's a crater with steam
that will shoot me up.
- Um, I'm not sure you
can make that jump, dude.
(thumps)
(screaming)
- Oh!
Oh God, my legs!
- Looks like Tanner needs help.
- [V Buck Man] I'll save him.
- [Roach] It's V-buck man.
- Here, take some V bucks.
- Oh, those are steel coins.
- Hey check out that idiot
flying through the air in pain.
(laughing)
- Nobody laughs at my friend.
- Just shoot me down.
If I can't have a Chug
Splash, I don't wanna live.
Oh God, it's coming back up.
(vomiting)
(rumbling)
- What the heck is that noise?
- Tanner mixed Chug Splash
with steam from the volcano.
This could get dangerous.
(laughing)
(rumbling)
(screaming)
- Wow, that was intense.
- Oh wow, looks like this stuff
is made up of 90% kerosine.
- Huh, that's probably
why it tastes like crap.
- Whelp, the important thing is,
we all survived and Tanner
kicked his addiction.
- What?
Oh yeah, yeah, oh, the squad?
Yeah, like and subscribe,
whatever, use our code.
(energetic rock music)
