I still don't follow any of this.
Look, It's really simple. I'm the son of the king of Britannia.
Then why are you in Japan?
Let me break it down for you. Every nation belongs to one of three major empires.
Britannia
The Chinese Federation
Britannia
Santa Mario
Kazakhstan
Britannia
Alderaan
Britannia
Corneria and...
...Britannia.
I don't even know why I bothered to ask.
My dad is the current king of Britannia.
This job is bitchin' good!
With dad being the king and all, one wife really wasn't his thing.
Unfortunately, it was only too late that he discovered the downside of having too many wives.
If I gotta watch one more episode of Bridezillas, I'm gonna saw my own arm off!
See, me and Nunnally have the same mother.
Nunnally! We have to kill the tooth fairy!
Every day I pray I was adopted.
We had a f*ck ton of half brothers and sisters, who all lived with us at Dad's place...
...and my God we were mother-licking adorable!
For the most part, we tolerated each other. However, sometimes, we got on each other's nerves.
In my defense, she would not let go of that plate.
'Course, there was that one half-brother...
Dah, never mind.
Anyway! One day I went along with dad on a diplomatic trip to Japan.
You see, Japan used to be a great independent nation led by a great man.
There was only one flaw: his son.
I can live entirely on a diet of crayons and lighter fluid!
After one tragic Slip-and-Slide incident, I decided we should return home...
...only to find that my mother had gone and gotten herself shot.
That's nuts!
From there, I was sent back to Japan where I *thought* my father would miss me.
What was I thinking about just now? Something about Japan...
We're taking over Japan! Booyah.
Meanwhile, Suzaku was determined when he grew up to win the war between Japan and Britannia
Unfortunately he signed up for the wrong side.
Not surprised.
Yes, but what is surprising is that even with Suzaku on their team, the Britannians somehow won.
Which brings me to today. Long story short, there's some remnants of the underground Japanese army...
If anyone wants a pizza bagel, email me and I'll give you some.
...there's still some Britannian soldiers occupying the country...
Dude, you thinking what I'm thinking? Pizza bagels!
...and finally there's some rebel forces which look up to me after Clovis went and killed himself.
I thought you killed him.
Eh, details.
Well, I guess that covers about everything.
Yup, no gaping plot holes at all.
But...
At all!
What about all your friends? What about Milly? What about Kallen?
No one cares about Kallen!
♪Colors - Flow♪
Oh shit, oh shit!
♪Denver the Last Dinosaur theme♪
No.
♪Motokke Sailor Fuku♪
Oh, hell, no!
♪Rescue Rangers theme♪
No.
Open up in there! Oh shit. We're coming in! Back up, coppers, I'm packing heat!
You'll never take me alive!
♪Colors - Flow♪
I don't feel like P Diddy at all!
Mommy!
That stepladder attacked me, but I f*cked it up good.
Are you okay?
Bitch, get back in your room.
Mommy's about to teach this stepladder a violent lesson in pain!
This One character seems to be our most dangerous threat.
How did I get up here?!
Euphy, you're the only one who's been close enough to him without getting killed. Did he say anything...
...important that would help us understand his motives?
Oh my God. I forgot to put airholes in this helmet!
No.
F*ck learning.
I'll f*cking kill you f*cks! I'll f*ck you in the f*ck!
What's going on?
We're dressing up like cats.
Aaand...?
There is no f*cking point. There's never any f*cking point.
I'm a tiger!
The day I snap, you're the first to go.
I'm an astronaut.
We're dressing up like this to remind us not to be pussies like Shirley was in that hostage situation
I just peed a moat.
I'm done playing astronaut now, I just peed a moat.
Ahh-I was sitting right next to you.
Kallen! this whore-basket just showed up for you.
Honeybutter, that's no way to treat a guest, now show that bitch to Kallen's room.
It attacked me!
I just need you to get your mom or your dad to sign this waiver so you can continue to go to school.
While we were gone, someone blew up the science wing. We believe it was Rivalz.
Mom- what?
We need your mom or your dad to sign this.
Oh, there's that word again.
Maybe I'll just go ask your mom or your dad directly.
My mom or my WHAT?
What?
You keep saying my mom and something else.
You mean dad?
Oh my goodness, I didn't even realize, those two women down there, they're both your parents!
No, they just stay in my house and eat my food.
Of course they're my parents!
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed. Kallen, if you don't mind me asking, do you know who your dad is?
Uh, I can make up words too!
Kallen-
Revidia!
Kallen where do babies come from?
When a woman and another woman love each other very much, they-
Okay never mind, it all makes sense.
For the last goddamn time, Suzaku, because Rivalz probably hates the science wing.
Either way I couldn't get that waiver signed because both my moms are dead.
Yeah, that's nice, Suzaku.
(What the hell am I doing? I can't read.)
What you reading?
(Damn it man, You've been staring at this page for two hours! Come up with something clever!)
The entirety of the Star Wars Episode One script.
(Talk about the opposite of clever...)
Hey, guys!
Oh shit, I-I gotta go.
No Suzaku, don't leave me here with her! Ah, damn it.
OMG you'll never guess what I did today...
(If I could just hold my breath long enough I could probably make myself... pass out.)
What a great day it is to be at the park.
Don't you ever think you can pull that shit again!
Man, the Food and Drug Administration is really cracking down.
Substandard quality will *not* be tolerated. This'd all go away if you passed inspection. Your products do not meet current health standards and specifications!
This time they've gone too far.
Don't! They'll kill you like a small dog. Instead let your anger be as though a monkey on a treadmill,
confused and tripping around.
Are you okay?
I think my spleen just ruptured.
I'm peeing blood.
Quit being a pussy!
So Lelouch, I was thinking about that time we made out-
Don't flatter yourself, I was trying to bite your tongue off so I didn't have to hear your ugly face anymore.
(It was at that moment that I learned a valuable lesson about female hormones.)
[Slap SFX]
Bitch!
Yay yay, I love the park!
Stupid ignorant child, how many times have I told you, frolicking is forbidden!
Looks like somebody's face is going to have to get reacquainted with Daddy's 9-iron when we get home.
I envy that retarded child. Unlike this woman, my parents are crazy.
It's a good thing I have One to look up to, he's a great role model.
We need to score some drugs.
F u n  f a c t. This pier's run by the m o b. They use warehouse number 4 to hide all the refrain.
Tamaki, I don't know what lingo you kids think is hip nowadays, but let's just call it meth like everyone else.
Oh Jeremiah, thank you for taking me out.
Woman, I'm hopped up on drugs, I have NO IDEA where I took you!
Oh no, you haven't been taking that refrain again have you?
It's rumored that that's how the Dark Knights are getting their funding.
Hell no, I'm a real man. PCP all the way.
Oh dear...
Oh no, I'm freaking out! The dream is collapsing!
♪Elevator Music - Conker Bad Fur Day OST♪
♪Unstoppable -  E. S. Posthumus♪
♪Elevator Music - Conker Bad Fur Day OST♪
♪Unstoppable -  E. S. Posthumus♪
♪Elevator Music♪
♪Unstoppable♪
♪Elevator Music♪
♪Unstoppable♪
♪Elevator Music♪
♪Unstoppable♪
♪Elevator Music♪
♪Unstoppable♪
STOP!
[Music stops]
What the hell are you doing?
ALL YOUR DRUGS ARE BELONG TO US.
That's warehouse number 4! This is a department store!
My God, what have we done?
Ohgi! Apologize to these nice people and steal as much stuff as you possibly can.
I don't get it, what's there to steal from a department store?
♪Hardware Store - Weird Al♪  What is there to steal from a department store?
Okaay... where's that music coming from?
Fool! Do you understand nothing?
♪They've got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
♪Trash compactors, juice extractors, shower rods and water meters
♪Walkie-talkies, copper wires, safety goggles, radial tires
♪BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
♪Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
♪Paint removers, window louvers, masking tape and plastic gutters
♪Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
♪Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
♪Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
♪Metal roofing, waterproofing, multi-purpose insulation
♪Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
♪Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
♪Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
♪Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
♪Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
♪Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers
Slovaski! I didn't know you worked here.
You killed my boss.
Yeah, I did.
Alright. Let's try this again.
I think we did it better the first time.
Where do you think *you're* going?
Who *are* all these people?
The users and abusers. People who want to escape their lives because their loved ones are huge let-downs.
Mommy!
How could I have not seen this?
That stepladder attacked me!
It attacked me!
I like listening to Bruce Springsteen!
Put your hands where I can see 'em!
Oh, shit, it's the cops!
♪Unstoppable -  E. S. Posthumus♪
So who's up for ditching Kallen?
Me.
Me.
M e .
♪Unstoppable -  E. S. Posthumus♪
Wait, I've seen this somewhere before...
Not this time, asshole!
♪Unstoppable -  E. S. Posthumus♪
Jesus H. Christmas KALLEN! We just wanted to score some drugs, not kill the feds!
I'm telling ya, she's a *huge* letdown.
How did I get up here?
♪Hardware Store - Weird Al♪
Whoa, whoa buddy. We can't let anyone through here. We got reports of drug smugglers in these parts.
Oh come on, please?
Dude, he said please..
Ah, he did say please.
Oh, what the hell. You look like a trustworthy guy, go on ahead.
Well, thank you kindly.
DUDE!
Where the f*ck are our pizza bagels?!
♪Rescue Rangers theme♪
♪Touch You Right Now - Basic Element♪
