I wanted to briefly mention to people,
this is an observation I've had.
I met you I think in 1988,
when I was a punk writer
at "Saturday Night Live".
SNL, yeah, you were part
of the Boiler Room Boys,
I called you, yeah.
You had a room with Smigel.
Yeah, Robert Smigel.
Greg Daniels, Bob Odenkirk.
Bob Odenkirk and you, yeah.
Yeah, and we...
You killed, guys.
There were some, I think,
a couple of shows I did
you guys got like three pieces on the air.
Yeah, we did.
It was a good time.
And I remembered always being
really excited when you showed up.
But you've proven a theory that I had.
I noticed it, I think you
were one of the first people.
That was my first big gig in television.
And I remembered every
time that you would host
you would stay up practically
all night with the writers.
I remember at one point walking
through the conference room,
at night, at like three in the morning,
and you were lying down
on the conference table
trying to compose a sketch.
Now everybody else would
dip in and dip out,
and try and hear what everyone was up to,
and then they'd go off
to dinner with Lorne.
And then maybe they'd come
back for a little bit.
You were alone in your dedication
to making it a great show.
More so than any host while I was there.
And I have since told people
that you're an example,
I think Bruce Springsteen's an example,
there's certain people I think of,
where it's not an accident.
This is someone who is not,
there are people who accidentally
have a great deal of luck,
or they're born with some
amazing trick they can do,
and then there are just people
that have ability, have talent.
But man, I couldn't
believe how hard you work.
Well, it's--
[Conan] I don't know if you still do that.
Well it's a great hang.
I mean, I was just trying
to get a hang, man.
You laugh your head off,
you know, when you're there.
And there is some awfully good ideas.
But part of it is, I
couldn't believe I was there.
I mean, I'm in the
world famous 17th floor,
with the conference
room and the whole bit.
I wanted to soak that up.
That was, I'm not gonna, hey
Lorne's a fascinating guy,
but after a while I don't need more
Bob Hope stories at dinner.
(everyone laughs)
I love to compare notes with
him as much as anybody else,
but eventually, you know,
the same Jack Benny anecdote plays itself.
My favorite game with Lorne is,
which Paul is he talking about.
(Tom laughs)
Is it Simon or McCartney?
And so I'd literally play this game myself
where I'd be with him and
he'd go, you know Paul called.
And I'd go, okay, that
could go either way.
And he's gonna come by, and
he might brings his guitar.
And I'd be like, that doesn't help.
[Tom] Keep going.
And he's still kind of
angry at his partner.
And I'm like, doesn't help.
(everyone laughs)
Still, you haven't had the qualifier yet.
Yeah, yeah, you know, doesn't really
wanna talk that much about the '60s,
although he'll play that stuff still.
But he wants to do the later stuff.
Still can't do it.
I'm gonna see him at the Hamptons.
Still won't do it!
And I think I've been through 45 different
combination locks, it's
like opening that box
in "The Da Vinci Code", where it's like,
no, this doesn't get me there.
I still don't know.
Well, how much do you sort
of relive in the same way
Ernie Banks relives
ballgames at Wrigley Field,
regarding SNL?
I mean, you were there for a
substantial amount of time.
Every era of SNL is
historic in its own way.
Yeah, and I was there--
Every era had some imprint on
comedy and popular culture.
I was there at a very fortuitous time
'cause I was there with Lovitz,
Dana Carvey, Kevin Nealon, Jan Hooks.
Nora Dunn.
Yup, Nora Dunn.
Just great, great cast.
But then Mike Meyers showed
up while I was there,
and things just, Chris Rock
showed up while I was there.
And it just kept, Adam Sandler
showed up while I was there.
So it really was this golden time
to be on "Saturday Night Live".
But I have to tell you,
absolute great memories,
but also almost PTSD.
Well yeah, a lot of nervous breakdowns,
a lot of Machiavellian stabs in the back,
a lot of disappointments, a
lot of, how did this happen?
A lot of 4:00 in the morning,
everyone else is behind
a closed door laughing
with other people, writing the
greatest sketch in the world,
and I don't have an idea.
And I'm wandering the halls.
And this is when I used
to wander down to 6A,
which unbeknownst to me,
would later become my studio,
at the time it was Dave's studio.
Wow, yeah.
And I would sit behind, there was a cloth
that they draped over Dave's desk,
which ended up being right
where my desk was for 16 years.
And I would sit behind that desk
and try and write sometimes
behind his desk on the Late Night,
in the "Late Night With
David Letterman" studio.
I just was...
And I'd be in total, a dread
that is hard for me to explain to anybody.
When you don't have an idea,
or you have an idea and you
don't think it's good enough.
And so, I'd also, two of
my moments of absolute fear
were on camera, and they were with you.
Ooh.
One was, one of the first
big things I did on TV
was a sketch where you did a monologue
about how, people say I'm
the nicest guy in the world,
but I'm really not, it's
ridiculous, it's not true.
And I'm tired of this,
Tom Hanks is the nicest guy in the world.
It's just not true.
Now if you'll excuse me a minute,
and then you walk off, and
the camera follows you live,
and you, do you remember this?
You perform all these miracles.
Yeah, yes.
[Conan] You're Christ-like.
You had the line, stay away
from this horse, Mr. Hanks,
he bites.
Yes!
And I petted him and say, no,
he's just a misunderstood creature.
Something like that.
So I am waiting, and this is live.
And you have no idea what it's like,
I mean, you do, but I'm talking to people
listening to this podcast, the fear of,
you're a punk kid, and at some point
Tom Hanks is gonna come by
in the opening of the show,
which at the time is
watched by a million--
Eight billion people, yeah.
Live.
And Tom Hanks is gonna come by,
and my job was to stand
there holding the horse.
And then my line was, you
go, ah look at that guy.
And I go, oh don't touch him Mr. Hanks.
That horse bites everyone.
And you'd go, nonsense, he's
just a misunderstood creature.
And you pet him.
And I go, wow!
So you're coming, and I
just keep repeating my line.
And of course I'm doing the thing
we all do when we're
in our heads too much.
Don't bite that horse, Hanks.
No, don't Tom the Hanks.
Wait, don't bite that...
And while I'm trying to do it,
do you know who the musical
guest was that week?
Of course you don't.
Aerosmith?
Nope.
No.
It was a newly solo Keith
Richards with the...
Oh my god, with the X-Pensive
Winos, yeah that's right.
Keith Richards was at the crafts food
service table next to
me, wearing pixie boots.
And he chooses that time, while
you're walking towards me.
You have about four interactions
that you have to have
before you get to me.
And he goes, horses right, horses.
And I'm just going, what?
And of course I'd love to
talk to Keith Richards,
but not now.
Not now.
And he went, horses,
when you think about it
they're the ones that really
brought us through civilization.
Without horses...
And it was everything,
he was explaining how
man did it literally
on the backs of horses.
And he thought that I was
the guy who owned the horse.
(everyone laughs)
And I almost said to him, shut
the fuck up, Keith Richards.
And your idea is bullshit.
Tom Hanks is on his way.
And I've got shit to do.
So I said my line.
And the other one was the
first Five-Timers Club sketch.
Oh that was a biggie, yeah.
I'm Sean, and you come in the door,
and I'm supposed to put a robe on you.
And I'll never forget,
you come in the door
and all I have to do, you go, hello Sean.
And I go, Mr. Hanks.
Is take a silk robe.
Right.
And put it on you.
First, silk robe catches on...
and you can see it a little bit.
Yeah this happens on live.
You can see it, I'm having a second.
And it's just a millisecond,
but for me, I saw my entire
life flash before my eyes.
'Cause I thought, if I
can't get this jacket off,
I'm dead, I'm dead forever.
But I get it off, and
then I go to put it on you
and one of the sleeves--
Sleeves was inside out, yeah, yeah.
You remember this.
Yeah, very much so.
You've probably been
angry about it ever since.
Oh no, I never saw it after it aired
so I didn't...
(Conan laughs)
I never bothered to look at it.
