Something I've learned
doing this show,
from doing these interviews
is I actually get along
with people a lot more
than I thought.
-Totally.
-We spoke to Jordan Peterson,
who thinks that he shouldn't
be forced to call people
by the pronoun
of their choice.
What do you think
about that?
[ Sarcastically ] Oh, I don't
think he should be forced.
Poor man.
He doesn't have to participate
in progress or whatever.
But, like, why wouldn't you
want to? What, are you busy?
Like, you can't learn
a new word?
I want to know what trans
people want to be called.
I'm not bothered
by that at all.
The college kids sit at the back
of the room with air horns,
and as he talks, they just --
they just silence him out.
-Hmm.
-Now, that is interrupting
free speech, as far
as I'm concerned.
I think that we should
let people talk,
and then we can argue whether
they're assholes or not.
But just shutting people
up like, "No, no,"
with every single thing...
I'd rather let them talk
and then have questions.
Yeah, have some questions
and then maybe a little bit
of booing right at the end
as he leaves.
Yeah.
So, Samantha Bee calls
Ivanka Trump a feckless [bleep].
Should comedians ever have to
apologize for a joke?
I believe you should only
apologize if you feel remorse.
-Hmm.
-[ Laughs ]
I think anything else is
disingenuous and bullshit.
Is there any word
that you just love using
that if the PC brigade
just came out and said,
"No, you can't
say it anymore;
that's offensive to
blah-blah-blah"...
I like saying "pussy."
That could offend all
the pussies out there.
It does offend
a lot of pussies.
And those pussies
are easy to get upset.
'Cause they're pussies.
-They're [bleep] pussies.
-Yeah.
So, the chink joke on "Conan."
15 years ago?
It was right before 9/11.
I got a jury-duty notice.
My friend is like,
"Well, why don't you write
something really, like,
inappropriate on the form
like 'I hate chinks'?"
Then I'm like,
"I don't want people
to think I'm racist
or something.
I just want to
get out of jury duty."
And I wrote "I love chinks."
[ Laughter ]
She could have said,
"I hate Chinese people,
I love Chinese people."
Multiply that by the
millions of
people that you
offended by using that word,
and I think you get a little bit
of a sense of what you...
Well, none of my jokes
were from a racist place.
No, but how do you
get out of jury duty?
You say something racist.
And I used to say the N-word
with that joke,
because it was the most horrible
racist word I could think of.
-Right.
-And then I did "Conan."
And they said,
"You can't say it."
And then I go, "Well,
maybe I'll say 'dirty Jew.'"
.And then I go, "I can't
say 'dirty Jew' or 'kike'
because I'm Jewish
and it softens the joke."
And then I go, "Uh, 'chink'?"
They go, "Sure."
We're gonna look
back at our shit
and cringe if we're
doing it right
because time
is always changing,
and things are always
progressing.
And things don't hold up.
Were you happy that
9/11 came along
to take a bit of heat
off you?
Yeah. So happy.
-9/11 was an atrocity.
-It was a terrible thing.
-Tragedy.
-We were both very upset.
You did some stuff on racism.
My bag was misogyny. Right?
I did a lot of
misogynistic jokes,
a lot of terrible
rape gags.
"Rape gags."
[ Laughs ]
Yeah, because I realized
after the whole
"grab 'em by the pussy"
and after the election and stuff
and I saw all the hatred
that not everyone in the
audience was in on the joke,
and some people were
taking me seriously.
And that's when
I had a problem.
I didn't have a problem
such with the jokes,
because I knew they were jokes
and I knew what my intent was.
Well, that's what they call
"mouthful of blood" laughs.
I used to find the same thing,
where people would say,
"Oh, yeah,
I love that joke
about black,
you know, whatever."
And I go, "Oh, [bleep].
You don't get it at all."
So, how do we better ourselves
and still stay edgy?
I just go with what
I think is funny,
and that's always changing.
It's not like,
"Well, now I'm older
and I'm more sophisticated
or whatever."
I mean, I think
my last special,
I talk about God
[bleep] in your mouth.
But, I mean, I still
feel like that's mature.
In my new special
coming up,
I do a 15-minute routine
on docking.
What's that?
-Oh, you're in for a treat.
-Docking?
Docking.
So, you need two dicks.
A nice, normal circumcised dick.
And then another European fella.
And then you line 'em up.
They both get erect.
And then you wrap the head
of the foreskin around.
-Oh!
-And then they're docked.
And so you can't undock.
The only way you can undock
is by peeling a bit of skin off
and letting some air out
so you can release gently.
-Oh, it sticks?! The suction.
-Yeah, it sticks.
If you pull against it, it's
like a Chinese finger trap.
All right?
Then you're stuck in there.
But, then, what
does the woman do?
There's no woman!
It's just two gay guys.
-Ohh.
-She could stand off to the side
and applaud as this is happening
if she needs to be there.
-Yeah. A nice, like...
-Yeah. "Good docking, boys."
-Like that. "Well docked."
-White gloves.
Haven't we both matured
as comedians?
We have.
We're so mature.
[ Cheers and applause ]
