Do you remember what it was like when you
discovered the concept of self help?
For me, it was magic.
Up until that point, I had always felt powerless,
like I had no control over what was going, 
 on in my life.
I always felt like I was meant to do something big
and yet, I never knew how to get there
I had a lot of angst with regards to my unfulfilled
potential.
And that’s when I found self-improvement.
I started reading a book called mindset by
carol dweck.
I learned that your mindset is the most important
thing when it comes to success.
Success, yes, that damned word success.
The same word that you hear over and over
again in the self help world.
I went on youtube, and found a whole bunch of
self help youtubers.
I was hooked.
It seemed like there was finally a way out
of my angst.
I finally found a way to fulfill my potential.
I started consuming every kind of self help
content there was,
I even started making those videos.
I ignored all the marketing and sales tactics
commonly used by self help gurus.
I didn’t care what they were selling to
me, all I wanted was to get better,
at any cost.
But was I actually getting better?
Or was I just fooling myself, creating this
false persona in my head of a perfect version
of myself, and using that to feel better about
myself?
Now before I start divulging my thoughts on
the toxicity of self help nowadays,
I have to start by saying that I am in no way against
the concept of self help.
I think self help is one of the most beautiful
concepts that I’ve ever encountered in my
life.
The idea, that you can become better tomorrow
than what you are today, to me that is one
of the most fundamental ideas of living a
fulfilling life.
I mean, self help is a concept as old as most
religions.
If you really dive deep into myths and religions,
you will find a lot of them talk about becoming
a better person, improving yourself in every
way.
But, with that being said, I think the main
problem with self help nowadays is not the
ideas themselves, but the way they are marketed
to us.
You know, I was pretty excited when I read
the book seven habits of highly effective
people.
I thought for sure I was going to become a
more effective person now.
After all, I knew about the seven habits now
right?
Well turns out there’s an 8th habit.
So I guess I won’t be as effective without
that…
Hmm maybe I should read that book first
Well atleast I know the 48 laws of power.
If I ever want to become an evil politician
I’ll know what to do.
Nope.
Apparently there is a 50th law as well, so
you know, I have to learn that before doing anything else
I’m sure you’ve seen this pattern in the
self help world.
The entire marketing of whatever book or course
or seminar you’re going to buy makes it
seem like your entire life will change and
money will start flowing out of your ears
and will literally become jeff bezos if you
just apply this one weird magic trick.
*generic bezos laughter*
And then after you buy their course or book
You'll find out that they have another book, another course, another whatever
that they want you to buy, that again
You will be incomplete without
Now the marketing is going to be very convincing, and you might just believe them
You might buy their course or seminar or whatever
Effectively, here’s what happens when you
fall for this.
You come into this world of self help with
all this ambition, and you think you are finally
on the path to achieving your dream life.
You buy these books and seminars, thinking
that that’s going to fix you.
The people you buy those things from, tell
you hey look, there’s actually even more
things you need to know.
There’s this weird brain hack that’ll
rewire your brain and make you super productive.
You’re like, alright, sign me up.
You keep going down the rabbit hole, and you
keep consuming and consuming, not even paying
attention to the fact that you are still in
the same place.
After watching hours and hours of self improvement
content and reading literally hundreds of
books on it, there’s usually two things
that will happen.
You will either use all the knowledge you
have and tell yourself that you’ve changed
your mindset so much and you will inflate
your ego and think that you’re on your way
to the pinnacle of success.
Or, something else happens to you, which is
much worse…
This is kinda what happened with me, and where
a lot of people will find themselves after
years of consuming self help content.
Essentially, this is what the problem is.
We build up this persona of the guy or girl
who’s into self improvement.
We talk in quotes and give impromptu motivational
speeches to the people around us
Everybody thinks we have such a positive mindset,
and we keep inflating our ego with the external
validation we get.
We find like minded people, in the name
of “mastermind groups” and continue to inflate
each other’s egos.
Some people might even go the rest of their
lives being this person, and never notice
that there’s something wrong with it.
But in moments of genuine self reflection,
you will realize that at the end of the day,
you haven’t used 99% of the things you’ve
heard or read.
You still have your problems, you’re still
the same person you always were.
You’ve just built up an impressive facade
to mask your own insecurities and challenges.
And then the penny drops, and you become disillusioned.
You lose faith in the idea of self improvement.
You start thinking that every person who sells
a damn program on the internet is a scam artist.
You keep talking about how the whole self
improvement industry is a pyramid scheme.
How every one is just lying to you to take
your money.
You resign yourself to mediocrity.
You return back to square one, only this time,
more tired, with no ambition, and a lack of
self esteem.
But should that be the end of the story?
I don’t think so…
I think there is a real world of self help
outside of the multi billion dollar industry
I think that in all of our lives, there are
moments that are more instructive than any
book you can ever read.
Sometimes you’ll come across some real people
who’ve actually changed themselves, not
by reading a book or going to a seminar, but
through immense action and sheer force of
will.
David Goggins is an example of one of those
real people.
A man who through immense grit undoubtedly
became one of the toughest people on earth.
Now, with regards to self help, I don’t
want to throw the baby out with the bath water.
I don’t have any problems with people writing
books and giving talks and sharing their ideas
with the world.
I mean, on my channel I talk about those books
and make summaries of them, so clearly I don’t
hate the books or their ideas.
My problem is with the marketing of the industry,
which reinforces the notion that you are never
good enough.
And that the book or seminar is the only way
to fix you.
While they don’t say that explicitly, if
you know anything about marketing you will
understand the subtle language patterns they
use to make you insecure enough to buy their
product.
I think the best way to really improve yourself
is to pursue insight and wisdom.
Now in the pursuit of insight and wisdom,
you should read books, you should watch videos,
you should go to seminars and talk to other
people.
But your motive should always be to pursue
insight and wisdom, and then apply it in your
life.
The second your motive becomes creating an
identity out of self help, you’re going
down a very slippery slope.
If you create an identity of being the person
who’s always finding new books and seminars,
who’s always looking for the next hack or
technique that can change their life, that’s
the place you’ll always be.
And you will always feel like you are never
good enough, that the thing that will make
you whole and fix all your problems is out
there, and not inside of you
But the fact of the matter is that people
for thousands of years have been changing
their life and improving themselves without
reading a single book, so clearly reading
a book is not a prerequisite for changing
your life.
To reiterate, I’m a huge fan of reading
books and devouring self help content, but
I think what we need to do is to have enough discernment
to figure out that we are whole, and we
can improve ourselves regardless of our circumstance.
If a book or a video helps you out, then that’s
awesome.
But the second you adopt the mentality that
only a book or video or seminar can change
your life, then the marketers have now sunk their
teeth into you, and they will drain your wallets
and your self esteem.
So my conclusion is, you are enough.
You don’t need a book or course to magically
fix your life, and anyone who subtly or non
subtly tries to insinuate that message in
their marketing is plain dishonest.
You should view self help content, including
my own videos, as entertainment.
Sure, they can be better than mindless entertainment,
but at the end of the day it’s still entertainment, and it’s
not going to fix your life.
Only you have the power to do that.
If you relentlessly pursue wisdom and insight
with humility and curiosity, you will become
a better human being over time.
And to me, that’s the essence of self improvement.
Becoming a better human being over time, through
small steps.
That’s very realistic, and very achievable.
And eventually, I think that leads to a life
well lived.
Let me know your thoughts in the comments below because I know this might be a bit controversial to you
So I'd love to hear from you
Do you think self help has become toxic?
That's all for now and I'll see you in the next video. Thanks for watching!
