• From mourning the death of a hamster to
not having any hands, the Planet Dolan crew
re-enact some of the best true stories from
our subreddit about the dumbest excuses we’ve
ever heard.
I’m Doopie and today I’ll be your narrator.
Number 10 was submitted by SketchBunny Mimi
In school, Mimi wasn’t very popular.
Most of her friends were outcasts, but the
only reason they would hang out with each
other was because nobody else would hang out
with them.
When it came time to celebrate her 10th birthday,
Mimi thought that if she invited everyone
to her party, then more people would come.
So, she invited all the girls in her grade.
A majority of the girls she invited turned
her down, including her outcast friends.
There was one girl who didn’t turn her down,
and Mimi was happy about that.
On the day of the party, the girl called Mimi
and cancelled.
Apparently, her excuse was that her hamster
died and she needed to stay home and mourn.
The thing was, Mimi had been to her house
many times before and never saw a hamster.
It was so depressing that she never had big
birthday parties again.
Number 9 was submitted by Wastedwaffle7 Danger
Dolan
One time, during math class, Dolan asked his
teacher if he could go to the bathroom.
She said he could, so he walked down the hall
and towards the bathroom.
Before going into the boys’ room, Dolan
heard a weird noise.
He was a little scared to go in at first,
but really had to pee, So, he went in and
did his business at the urinals.
When he was done, he went to wash his hands.
As he walked to the sinks, a fellow student,
Derek, came out of one of the stalls and tried
to sneak past Dolan, but he was caught.
Derek had brought his pet pig to school.
“Why do you have a pig?” asked Dolan.
Derek shoved the pig into his backpack and
asked, “What pig?”
“The one you just shoved into your backpack,”
said Dolan.
“Oh, that’s just a pink balloon,” answered
Derek.
Then Dolan asked, “What about the noises?”
“I got my phone stuck in the balloon, and
it was playing pig noises,” answered Derek.
Dolan just went back to class.
He later found out that his school was holding
an event where students could bring their
pets to school, but it wasn’t until the
next month.
Number 8 was submitted by TheFlamingSw0rd
Jameshark
Jameshark was sitting in his art class when
the teacher called out, “Now, who did the
homework?”
A boy sitting next to Jameshark said, “Well,
my sister thought it was fish food, so she
fed it to our massive fish, but then the dog
jumped in, killed the fish, and destroyed
my homework!”
Jameshark and the rest of the class laughed
hysterically.
Number 7 was submitted by CharisAlsup Princes
Proton
One day, there was a boy in Princess Proton’s
class who had forgotten his stuff.
When the substitute teacher asked him why
he didn’t have his stuff, he answered, “I,
uh, don’t have hands.”
The teacher looked at him for a while before
saying, “Oh, ok.
I’m sorry.”
Then she asked if there was someone in the
class who could help out the poor boy.
Out of the 25 other people, the teacher chose
Princess Proton.
During class, the boy kept bothering her.
Every time she would complain to the teacher
about him, she would yell, “This poor boy
has no hands!
Now, you have to help him all day, whether
you like it or not!
You have to carry his stuff, feed him his
food at lunch… everything!”
The worst part was that the boy had a crush
on Princess Proton, and had fractured his
hand while trying to impress her.
Luckily for her, shortly after that day in
class, the boy moved away.
Number 6 was submitted by ninslayer Froggy
When she was younger, Froggy stayed with her
boyfriend at his mother’s house.
When they woke up the next morning, she noticed
that he was acting strange.
Froggy asked what was wrong, and he told her
that he dreamed that he was with another girl
and had fallen madly in love with her.
As a result, he told Froggy that he had to
break up with her in order to be with that
girl, a girl who didn’t even exist.
To this day, she thinks that he was the dumbest
guy she ever dated.
Number 5 was submitted by Spence-loves-dogs
Zaraganba
Zaraganba’s friend was late to class one
day.
The teacher asked him why he was late, and
he said that it was because his pet goat ate
his clothes, and he had to cut it open to
get them.
After getting his tattered clothes, he had
to stitch them up.
Once he stitched them up, he was about to
leave for school when he realized that he
lost his keys… to his unicorn.
Zaraganba’s friend was suspended for two
days.
When he returned to school, his classmates
brought it up and laughed, including his teacher.
Number 4 was submitted by Manuel_Glee Hellbent
When Hellbent was eight, his mom told him
to never play with her toys.
She didn’t tell him why when he asked.
Instead, she told him to just play with his
own.
Hellbent didn’t listen, and one day he picked
up her vibrator and began to play with it.
At that age, he didn’t know what a vibrator
was.
He played with it just because it looked like
a sword.
When his mom caught him, she asked him what
he was doing.
He answered, “Mom, aliens are watching us.
I must do it, or they are gonna kidnap us
and then eat us!”
It didn’t work, and Hellbent was grounded
for two weeks.
Number 3 was submitted by Ali3nhunter2005
Spinalpalm
A year ago, Spinalpalm was hanging out at
his friend, Cid’s, house when he had to
go to the bathroom.
So while he was taking a shit, he saw that
Cid was videotaping him through the crack
in the door.
Spinalpalm screamed at him while wiping his
ass.
Then, he ran out of the bathroom and asked
Cid why the hell he recorded him.
Cid said, “I was making a documentary for
school about what people do on the toilet.”
Spinalpalm reacted by punching him in the
face and storming out of the bedroom.
Later, he saw that Cid had posted the video
on Instagram!
So, he ran back to his house and kneed him
right in the nuts.
He cried for a while, but in the end they
ended up forgiving each other.
Number 2 was submitted by keyboardshinobi
Nixxiom
When Nixxiom was little, he decided to see
if he could shave.
His parents told him not to mess with razors,
but he still wanted to try shaving.
At the time, he didn’t have any hair on
his face and didn’t understand how razors
worked.
Naturally, he cut himself pretty bad on the
cheek.
He came out of the bathroom, and his mom freaked
out at all the blood.
She asked why he didn’t listen to them,
to which Nixxiom replied, “I did, but a
gorilla came in and cut me before running
away.”
Now, his beard covers the scar, though the
shame and laughter that comes from his family
about the incident still haunts him.
Number 1 was submitted by SlappedCucumber
Grgak
Grgak was in eleventh grade when he heard
a ridiculous excuse from one of his classmates.
While sitting in class one day, Grgak saw
that his classmate didn’t do an assignment.
When their lazy teacher asked the kid why,
the kid answered, “Because I had to think
about sophisticated fish, and how someone
wasn’t allowed to have cheese because they
have mental issues.”
Even though their teacher was lazy, he was
still savage.
Already knowing that the kid always came up
with stupid excuses, the teacher replied,
“Number one, you’re sophisticated.
Number two, everyone can have cheese.
Number three, YOU have mental issues, mate!”
Years later, the kid moved to America.
Huge thanks for the folks over on our Planet
Dolan subreddit for submitting their stories.
We have another question for you: “What
was the dumbest activity you’ve ever done
at a birthday party?”
Let us know in the reddit page linked below
and you might be featured in a future countdown.
