Howdy folks, this is the Arkham Hillbilly,
and I'm here to invite y'all to something
real fun we got goin' on here in Arkham right
now. It's called the Alpaca Exchange, now
let me tell you about it. So if any of you
saw the movie come out earlier this year,
the HP Lovecraft movie The Color Out of Space,
it's a pretty good movie, you might remember
that there was a whole lot of our alpacas
in that movie. You know, might have even been
more alpacas than people in the movie. They
even put alpacas on the poster for the movie.
If you look real close, you can see some alpacas
there on the poster. They was kinda like the
stars of the movie, then and Nicolas Cage.
So anyway we saw this movie with the Nashville
Shamblers, my band, and JT, he thought that
this movie was gonna start some kind of an
alpaca craze. So what he done is he went and
got himself about 20 of these alpacas so he
could sell them to folks after they saw the
movie and they decided they wanted an alpaca.
OK, now I told JT that this whole alpaca thing
was probably just like a big product placement
on the part of the alpaca industry. Probably
just like Big Alpaca tryin' to get rid of
some sort of alpaca surplus they have. But
you know JT, if he thinks there's any money
in it, you know, you can't talk no sense into
him. Anyway, what happened was about a week
after the movie comes out, boom! We're all
in lockdown because of the Coronavirus. So,
you know, nobody saw the movie and there's
no alpaca craze. and here's JT with all these
alpacas. Well, anyway, all the Nashville Shamblers,
we all got on a Zoom call and Leroy had the
bright idea of the Alpaca Exchange. Now here's
how it works. You bring whatever it is that
you want to exchange down to the Gardner place,
down by the big barn there, and you can exchange
it and in return you get a cute little alpaca
that you are just gonna love. OK? So it's
pretty easy. Now we know that you are still
self-distancin' and you probably don't even
wanna get out of the car. So what we've done
is when you get there you'll see a whole bunch
of mattresses piled up in the corner there.
You just drive up, you drop out whatever it
is that you want to exchange onto the mattresses,
you pull your car up over by the well, and
JT's gonna tie an alpaca to the car and then
you're good to go. Now, you gotta be a little
bit careful when you're driving out of there.
I don't want you to go tearin' like 60 or
70 miles an hour, out of Potter's Gulch like
you might normally do on account of alpacas
can only run about 35 miles an hour, which
is pretty fast, but it's still not as fast
as 60 or 70, and you don't want to be dragging
an alpaca all the way home cuz it ain't gonna
be so cute when you get it there. OK? So you
might be asking yourself, "What can I exchange?"
Well, you know at this point, JT'll just take
about anything. So you know, like a broken
toaster or maybe a Porter Wagner album that
somebody gave you that you already had, or
like you know like a hairdryer that you know,
you plugged into the wrong socket, and it
kinda blew up, something like that. You know,
anything you can bring by and in return you
get this alpaca your kinfolks are just gonna
love. So it's gonna be great. You know, JT's
even done some fliers for this thing. You
know, you can see one here, you know it says
it's the perfect post-lockdown gift for the
person that you love, you know. I think that's
probably true. It also says here, you know,
"As seen in the hit film The Color out of
Space." Now we had to do some asteriskin'
there cuz the lawyers for the film was a little
bit concerned that people would think that
this Alpaca Exchange had anything to do with
the movie. So that's why it says that there.
Also, some people have been asking "Are these
the same alpacas that was in the movie?" No,
those was union alpacas, some of them was
stunt alpacas. These are chiefly non-union
alpacas that are in the Exchange. Anyway.
So here's the best part: When you do get to
see "The Color out of Space" you're gonna
be so glad that you got yourself one of these
alpacas, even after you see what happens to
the alpacas in the movie. That's kind of a
spoiler, though, so just forget I said anything.
Anyway, come on down to the Alpaca Exchange.
It's open 24 hours on account of JT's girlfriend
says he has to stay out there in the barn
until he gets rid of all these alpacas So
come on, we'll see you there!
