
Spanish: 
Imagínate esto: Eres un fan de Formula 1 italiano
 
Has viajado millas y gastado fortunas
como tantos otros fans italianos de F1
 
Y llegas al GP de Mónaco
 
donde brilla el sol y la radiante Ferrari de Michael Schumacher va corriendo
 
Miras los cronos oficiales en la pantalla gigante
y en un golpe de excitación
Te das cuenta que Schumacher ha calificado 4to
 
Y para hacerlo más insultante Giancarlo Fisichella califica más rápido.
 
Damas y caballeros
Bienvenidos a 1998
 
 
Ronda 6!
 
Mónaco!

English: 
You are an Italian Formula 1 fan.
*Well, I DID take up Italian this past semester*
You've traveled miles and spent countless amounts of money,
like many other Italian Formula 1 fans,
*I've done this too, when I went to COTA in 2013*
and you've made it to the Monaco Grand Prix.
*I know a guy in Indy Lights who went once*
Where the sun is shining, and the gleaning red Ferrari of Michael Schumacher comes racing past.
*I'd shiver in ecstacy*
You look at the official timing on the large TV,
and in a rush of excitement,
you realize that Schumacher qualified 4th.
*Dat aspect ratio*
And to add insult to injury, Giancarlo Fisichella qualifies faster.
*Is it 2005?*
Ladies and gentlemen…
welcome to 1998.
("Robot Wars" theme plays)
*Jesus fuck, this is taking forever*
(beep) Round 6!
*Everything that's wrong with F1!*
Monaco!

English: 
The McLarens once again topped the qualifying, with Fisichella 3rd and Michael Schumacher 4th.
This race is slightly more important to me,
due to the fact that I WON'T EVEN BE ALIVE, if "Fish"ichella scores points.
*You'd better hope he "flounders" in the midfield then*
Yeah.
So this race is incredibly important for me at the moment.
(beep)
So here we go.
Once again, Monaco, baby, yeah!
As you would've expected, the two McLarens take off in 1st and 2nd into the first corner
while Fisichella and Schumacher are "gringing" up the rear.
Just ram Fisi off, PLEASE!
(beep)
I never thought I'd be doing this, but,
come on, Schumi!
Beat that Fisi twat to the line!
I want my me to be alive!
*I want your you to grammatically improve!*
Wot? (beep)
It's been said by many statistics and commentators
that announcers develop attention deficit disorder after a few years.
*Why in fuck's name is Schumi 16th?*
I can tell you that's bullshit, because-
HOLY FUCK, Wurz is off!
And "owfer" go his wheels!
*"Owfer"?*
(Weird sneeze)
What the fuck? (beep)
And after a long, two-hour race condensed into a 2-minute, poorly-written video,
*Featuring only 30 seconds of race footage*
Mika Hakkinen wins the Monaco Grand Prix.
With Fisichella 2-
(Chris realizes he has to tie a noose)
Fffffffffffffffuck.
(Chris thinks about how he has to write a will, but there's nothing of his that anybody would want)

Spanish: 
Los McLaren de nuevo lideran la parrilla mientras que Fisichella es 3ero y Michael Schumacher 4to
Esta carrera me es importante
debido a que NI SIQUIERA ESTARÉ VIVO si Fisichella logra puntos.
 
Seh.
Por eso esta carrera es muy importante  de momento
 
Entonces, aquí vamos.
Una vez más, Mónaco nena sii!
Como es de esperar, Los 2 McLarens despegan 1ero y 2ndo hacia la primera curva
mientras que Fisichella y Schumacher están correteándolos de atrás.
Que alguien se escrache contra 'Fisi' POR FAVOR!
 
Nunca pensé que haría esto pero,
vamos, Schumi!
Pasa a ese Fisi conchudo de una vez!
Quiero que mi yo esté vivo!
 
Qué?
Dicen muchas estadísticas y comentaristas
que los anunciantes desarrollan desorden de atención al pasar los años
 
Les puedo decir que eso es basura porque-
QUÉ CARAJOS! Wurz está fuera!
Y afwera van sus ruedas!
 
 
Que carajos?
Y tras una larga carrera de 2 horas reducida a un video pobremente editado de 2 minutos
 
Mika Hakkinen gana el GP de Mónaco
Y Fisichella 2nd-
 
mmmmmmierda
 

Spanish: 
 
 
 
Bueno...
 
Hmm, ha sido divertido, gente.
 
Disfruté cada momento.
 
Ya que cuando termine este mo-
cuando termine esta oración me colg...
 
ARÉ A HACER MÁS EPISODIOS DE LA TEMPORADA 98 DE F1 HIJOS DE PUTA!
WUUU

English: 
(Also, super depressing music plays in the background)
(Chris tokes on a blunt)
(I think)
*Is that Schumacher?*
Well… (exhalatory scoff)
*WHAT HAPPENED TO SCHUMI?*
wumph. It's been fun, you guys.
*>Monaco*
*>fun*
*Wyd?*
I've enjoyed every single moment.
*WHERE THE FUCK DID SCHUMACHER'S FRONT WING GO?*
As of when I finish this mo-
when I finish this sentence, I will hang…
*Me too after seeing Schumacher fuck up his race like that*
…AROUND FOR MORE EPISODES OF COOKP1'S FORMULA 1 1998 SEASON REVIEWS, MOTHERFUCKERS
WHOO-
