-Last time we were here,
you talked.
you said, "I think I might go
around and do the show."
-Yeah.
-And you did it.
-We did -- yeah, 33 cities.
-Gosh.
-It's the first time I've been
on stage as a stand-up
really in years and years,
and I had the best time, and...
-What was the show called?
-"Spend the Night
with Billy Crystal."
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, and that's what it
basically was.
It was -- it was -- it was
basically like this.
I had the wonderful Bonnie Hunt
with me and we did a talk show.
And I did
the two and a half hours.
And it was like, questions
would lead into material,
and we just -- and we just,
you know,
toured the entire country,
and it was -- the audiences were
phenomenal.
-Yeah, I heard it got
great reviews.
Where did you end up?
-We started in Washington.
We started in Miami,
where everybody looked like
one of my relatives.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, yeah.
-And everyone -- all the women
had a lot of --
lot of plastic surgery.
so all the women looked
surprised, you know?
[ Laughter,
cheers and applause ]
"Billy! Hi, Billy!"
[ Laughter and applause ]
"You look fantastic.
You really look fantastic."
[ Laughter continues ]
"Sy, Sy,
look how good he looks!
Doesn't he look good, Sy? Sy?"
And then the husband comes
and then comes -- and he's had
an eye job, so he looks like
a tropical fish,
and it's just...it's just...
[ Laughter and applause ]
"I don't even believe in soap."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Soap and then..." So...
We're in West Palm Beach,
and I-I get on stage,
and the audience
is a little older.
-Yeah.
-The hair colors were --
It was like Vermont
in the fall, I mean...
[ Laughter and applause ]
I'd never seen anything like it
in my life, yeah.
So but then we -- so we went all
across the country.
Jimmy, I know you love theaters.
-Yeah.
-We played the greatest old
theaters that --
Like the Fox in Atlanta
was the --
-Ah! Fox Theatre is great.
-It's phenomenal.
That's where they had the --
the premiere
for "Gone With the Wind."
-Yeah.
-And then we played all
these amazing -- Seattle, the
theater was built in the '20s,
the Majestic in San Antonio.
It was unbelievable, then we
end up in this big casino,
just outside Washington, D.C.
-Okay.
-It's a, uh, an MGM and it's --
-Okay.
-A huge theater. It's like
3,000 seats or something,
and... [ Clears throat ]
so closing night,
and the audiences were
great all over the place.
And the show was very much like
a -- like a living documentary.
I mean, we show film clips,
and it's really loose and fun.
It's very -- there's no shape.
It's just -- I just go crazy.
-Yeah.
-In the best way.
And so there's one little
political segment.
And I'm not a big puncher,
you know.
And so there was one --
you know, it was right
after the inauguration
and I was saying,
you know, this guy --
he's so unpredictable.
I think this may be the first
time the Secret Service
wrestles the President
to the ground...
[ Laughter ]
-...to keep him safe from us.
I mean his approval rating
is 38. The Zika virus is 40!
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That's a great one.
-So...
-[ Laughs ]
So then from out
of the darkness --
and the place does that.
-Yeah.
-They go crazy. Out of
the darkness, a woman yells,
and it's always harder to deal
with a woman heckler.
-Yeah.
-"Honor the President!"
And the crowd boos her.
They boo her.
So I said, "Listen, everybody.
I'll handle this.
I went to school for this."
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah.
I'm Billy Crystal, yeah.
-"What, ma'am?" She says,
"honor the President!"
Now she's getting madder.
They boo her again.
I said, "no, whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait, wait. This is just humor.
These are just jokes, you know."
-Yeah.
"And I totally appreciate
that -- how you feel about him.
"That's your right
and everything.
These are just -- we're just
having a good..."
She yells it again --
"honor the President!"
So you feel like you're losing
the show, so I said,
"Ma'am, I'm going to use your
own President's words on you
if you love him so much --
Get her out."
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Rim shot, band plays fanfare ]
So...the audience stands up
and they -- they took her out,
you know, with a,
"I'll get you!" And then...
So, after the show, I do these
meet and greets
where people pay more money
and they come backstage,
And you take a picture
with them.
You get to mingle
and talk with them.
Her husband comes backstage.
-Oh!
-He stayed?
-He stayed!
[ Laughter and applause ]
He said, "I love you."
[ Laughter and applause ]
-I mean, come on,
how great is that?
-It was fun. it was fun.
-That is fantastic.
-You know, but it's -- it's
a really interesting time. Yeah.
-Well, I can't -- I can't thank
you enough for coming here.
You know, every single time
you're around,
I want you to come here,
but you're more than welcome
to come to any -- my house,
whatever you want to do.
You can hang out here all week.
We love you.
-Well, it's great to be here,
you know?
it's -- what I love is that
I'm not pushing anything,
I just wanted to hang with you
and then I -- great to work --
Who was the other guy
in the sketch with us?
-Keegan-Michael Key?
-No, no, the other guy.
-Justin Timberlake.
-He's funny.
[ Laughter and applause ]
- Billy Crystal, everybody!
Billy Crystal!
