MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to
Critical Role this week, where us crazy voice
actors play a nerdy game of Dungeons and Dragons!
I'm so glad you guys could join us. We had a small
hiatus last week as me and Marisha were away at a
cool event in the desert, but we're back. I want
to give a big thanks and shout-out to Ivan for
running that one-shot game last week. Ivan, you
kicked ass, you were awesome, and thank you for
carrying the torch when we couldn't be here.
Really appreciate that. And for those who tuned in
for him and supporting: thank you guys. Quick
little shout-out. We had actually one of our
fellow Critters come find us out in the desert
this past week. So a shout-out to our friend Scott
from Boise, Idaho. Operator, thank you so much for
coming and visiting. It was awesome getting to
chat with you, and it was cool.
MARISHA: Yeah, that was a surrealist experience.
MATT: Yeah, we had some cool Critical Role
representation out on the Playas. That was really
neat. Thank you so much. It was awesome to meet
you, Scott, and thanks for coming by. Other fun
announcements... This is a cool thing that came
up, actually. Hasbro's working with Indiegogo
right now to do essentially the search for their
new face-to-face party game circumstance. So
they're accepting a bunch of submissions right
now. I think it's nextgreatgamechallenge.com, but
if you're like me and spent a lot of your youth
spending your summers designing your own card
games and your own board games and your own party
games and such that just sat there and did
nothing, now is actually a really cool opportunity
to submit those and possibly get them published.
Because the person who wins, wins $10,000 on top
of the fact that they get flown out to Hasbro, to
the actual company building to work on developing
the game with their development team. So that's
pretty cool. (laughs) So those of you who have
that little game design brain, go ahead and throw
your ideas out that way. Submit to this! Hopefully
you could win. The thing goes to September 30th?
You don't have a whole lot of time, so get on it.
But check it out! A possible opportunity for you
to design your own game. Who knows, maybe one day
we'll be playing it on this Twitch stream. So
check that out.
Also, Welovefine is running a t-shirt design
contest for the upcoming Rage of Dragons Dungeons
and Dragons release, and they've asked me to be
one of the judges of that contest. So all you
people with an artistic bone in your body, go
ahead and design some t-shirts. Go to
welovefine.com, check out the contest rules for
the Rage of Demons contest. But I'll be judging
your designs! And hopefully if yours is
appreciated by me and all the other judges, you'll
be getting a cash prize and have your shirts
officially sanctioned by D&amp;D and put on
welovefine.com, so check that out! That's a cool
thing! I've already seen some great art. Some
people have floated over to Twitter. If I haven't
responded, it's because I'm a judge and I probably
shouldn't. (laughs) But everything looks cool, so
thank you guys for your submissions.
TRAVIS: Do you accept cash bribes?
MATT: (laughs) No. Other cool announcements. Oh!
Once again, every week we have our hundred sub
giveaway. Every hundred subs we get, we have a
giveaway with somebody randomly within the chat
who is actively in the chat. This involves a
picture of the cast, signed, one of our posters
from our fantastic official artist Kit Buss,
signed, and for a few short giveaways, we'll also
be giving away a copy of this Pen to Paper
Imaginary Friend book that we received, gifted to
us by 826LA. It's a book of a collection of
stories from the kids that have been tutored at
826LA that told stories about their imaginary
friends and what they were like, and their
adventures. And they had a lot of talented artists
and animators come in and actually illustrate what
these imaginary friends look like and what their
experiences are with those imaginary friends. So
we'll be giving one of these away with each one of
those hundred sub giveaways to you guys who have
been so gracious in helping support 826LA.
MARISHA: Yes. And we went today!
MATT: We went today to 826LA to deliver a nice,
big, fatty check to them from you guys, and they
were blown away by it. We got to teach a bunch of
young kids the basics of Dungeons and Dragons, and
we gave them copies of the books to hopefully
start a few games of their own there,
so thank you.
MARISHA: This was such a great experience, and we
took video of it, so hopefully we'll have that
edited and maybe sometime next week or the week
after, you guys can see and learn a little bit
about this charity that we support and talk about
every week.
MATT: Yep, we'll have a cool video up. It'll show
you guys our whole experience at 826LA delivering
and talking to them about everything, so that'll
be fun! Other announcements: This is one of the
gifts that we're actually talking about at the
start of the stream because we want to utilize it
through it. A fantastic gentleman by the name of
Jim Donnis sent us custom Vox Machina etched
glasses. Customized character glass icons. I have
my Dungeon Master glass here. So that's really
awesome. And also sent us some really, really
nice, quality, expensive dranky-drank.
TRAVIS: Yeah, it's legit.
MATT: It's legit. Jim, that's ridiculous. And
amazing. And thank you! We shall progressively
enjoy it through the stream tonight. So here's to
you, Jim. Thank you very much.
MARISHA and TALIESIN: To Jim!
TRAVIS: (slurred) To Jim!
MATT: That's tasty. Also, announcements from us!
Any project or game announcements? I know this
recently sparks the release of the Mad Max game
that just came out.
MARISHA: Where's Orion?
MATT: Orion will be here in a second. He's missing
his moment.
LAURA: But Travis plays the lead villain!
MATT: Travis is the main villain! Scrotus!
TRAVIS: Yes, Scabrous Scrotus. Who is in no way
related to Grog.
MATT: No. He is large and has many curious
accoutrements on his outfit.
TRAVIS: Yes he does! He has a giant horn on his
crotch. Don't know what that's about.
ORION: Are we talking about Mad Max?
MATT: Yes, we are.
ORION: Hey, he's Scrotus!
MATT: Yes! And you are?
ORION: I play Scab and a bunch of war boys. So
check it out! Because I work with this guy here!
MATT: And I'm a war boy commander and a bunch of
other guys, so you hear a lot of me going,
"Get that guy!" And a lot of random NPCs giving
quests.
LAURA: Yeah, I think you hear me barfing a lot
during that game.
MATT: Oh, man. That was a lot of dry heaving for
like twenty minutes.
LAURA: Yeah! Crazy.
MARISHA: Always makes me actually want to barf. It
makes my eyes water and be like, ugh.
MATT: You know you've achieved it properly when
the director goes, "Okay, no, we got it. Ugh." So
yeah, Chris put us through the paces on our
varying array of vomiting techniques on that
project. So enjoy that in Mad Max! Also, same
time, just came out Metal Gear Solid V: The
Phantom Pain, for those of you who worked on that
one. I know Marisha, if you want to talk about
your involvement in that?
MARISHA: Yes, oh-- Sam!
MATT: We have a Sam! Sam's arrived! Yay!
MARISHA: Yeah, I'm one of the Diamond Dog soldiers
that you can eventually recruit and play as, and
so you can either shoot at me a lot and kill me a
lot, or you can run around as me. And apparently
once you get me I've got better stats than Big
Boss, which is pretty fucking dope.
MATT: Damn right, you do. I also voice a lot of
the male Diamond Dog soldiers and enemy soldiers
throughout the game, so you'll be shooting and
capturing and recruiting a lot of me and Marisha
throughout the game. Yeah, so check that out. Any
other announcements?
ORION: Yes! Speaking of Mad Max again, because
it's super cool, I've actually partnered with
Twitch as of ten days ago, so I'm doing my Twitch
and I've been playing the shit out of Mad Max, so
follow me on there! Orionacaba at Twitch, and
check that shit out.
MARISHA: You should play some Metal Gear.
ORION: Nope!
TRAVIS: Not until you beat Mad Max.
LAURA: You should play some Borderlands.
ORION: I'll go to your place and watch you play it
because I want to watch you play your character.
MATT: Why don't you come to our place to watch
Laura play Borderlands? We'll chain this.
MARISHA: Guys, why don't we just LAN party and
only play as characters we voice?
MATT: That's not masturbatory at all.
TRAVIS: No. Not at all.
ORION: Yeah, that's weird.
TALIESIN: We can make a little ring.
MARISHA: Yes! Of narcissism!
MATT: Exactly.
ORION: Ew, that's gross.
MATT: Cool! Do we have any other announcements?
TRAVIS: Oh yeah, it's the start of the 2015 NFL
football season. I'll be repping the Dallas
Cowboys today. They're not playing right now, but
they will be on Sunday. Go Cowboys.
MATT: Awesome. For the four of you that are
interested in football watching the stream--
TRAVIS: We all come from different walks, all
right?
MATT: I know. No, that's awesome. Cool! There we
go.
TALIESIN: Teach me of your ways.
TRAVIS: (laughs) My sorcerer's ways.
MATT: (laughs) I was too much of an indoor kid.
But I'm learning!
TRAVIS: There goes ball. Chase ball.
LAURA: We're growing! We're learning and growing.
MATT: I am. I got really into rugby when we were
in New Zealand. Oh, sports I can watch!
MARISHA: Rugby's dope, man. They're hardcore.
MATT: Yeah, they hit each other really hard. They
call things a scrum. That sounds like fun.
TRAVIS: Yeah. That's rugby. Scrum.
MATT: That's intense, man.
TRAVIS: Yeah, that's some brutal stuff.
MATT: Yeah. So we will have a Liam possibly
joining us later in the evening. He had some
family commitments tonight, but he's going to hope
to try and join us around 8:30 or 9:00,
if at all.
LAURA: A wild Scanlan coming next to me.
MATT: Oh no! We got Scanlan jumping ship now!
SAM: I've never been over here before.
ORION: How does it feel on that side? When I
played with Will Friedle--
LAURA: Yeah, I was on that side.
MARISHA: Yeah, we were switched. That's right.
It's weird. It does feel weird.
SAM: Everything flushes the other way around.
MATT: That's how it works in this place, yeah.
MARISHA: Is it colder over there? Are you guys in
winter?
SAM: Wow, that's so weird!
MARISHA: I know, it's awesome.
MATT: Well, anything else? Are we good on
announcements? Perfect! All right. Well then,
let's go ahead and roll that intro and return.
We'll jump right into the game and kick up this
next session of Critical Role! See you in just a
minute.
[dramatic music]
MATT: Welcome back. Quick announcement that I
forgot: There is a Kickstarter up for the third
Mythica film, which if you guys haven't watched
it, it's a really awesome indie-budget fantasy
series, and a bunch of good friends are in it. I
play the main villain, necromancer Zorlock, who
showed up a little bit in the second film, and the
third one is now going into post, and that's what
the Kickstarter's asking for your help.
[no audio]
MATT: If it's something you want to donate to,
it's a cool project, you get to watch me be all
evil and cast--
TRAVIS: I watched it. It's really fun.
MATT: (laughs) You can see me cast necromantic
spells at Kevin Sorbo. I mean, what more could you
want, really?
LAURA: Nothing.
MATT: Our hair has a battle. It's wonderful.
ORION: Our mighty DM versus Hercules.
MATT: Indeed. I remember the first time we met on
set, he came up to me, and goes like, "What's your
"mother's name?" I still wonder. But anyway. Let us
bring us back to the story. Now, Vox Machina,
after completing the trials of the Slayer's Take
and acquiring their marking brand as essence of
them joining the actual guild itself, meeting the
gynosphinx that is currently responsible--
LAURA: (chuckles)
MATT: Such children. Responsible for the
development and the progression of the guild
itself, they found themselves having Pike join
them for about a week's time while the landscape
of her temple to Sarenrae was being cleansed of a
curse, and the group decided to follow through on
their promise to aid Keyleth on her Aramente to
find the Pyrah people to the far southwest of
Vasselheim.
LAURA: Ugh!
TRAVIS: I'm burping garlic.
MATT: Ugh. Garlic. Stinking Cloud over there. You
thought he wasn't a caster. They made their way to
the mountains, eventually to the actual Pyrah
tribe itself, where they underwent a trial through
the elemental plane of fire. Battled some of the
druids, the Pyrah themselves, in elemental fire
form, combated against time through a cinder storm
as they attempted to escape, and managed to do so
with their lives, and in doing so gained the
blessing of the Aramente for Keyleth from the
Pyrah tribe, as well as a blessing from the main
druid as well, as a spark stone. And
returned to Vasselheim, Pike then said her
goodbyes again, returning to help the restoration
of the temple of Sarenrae, and you've all been
left to your devices now. So. As you all awaken
the next morning within the guildhall itself, your
journey and your path is your own to take.
TRAVIS: We wake the next morning. Beard check,
please.
MATT: Beard check. (laughs)
TRAVIS: Zero. Or ten?
LAURA: That's zero.
SAM: That's good.
MARISHA: It depends.
TRAVIS: That's a hundred.
MARISHA: Are you serious?
TRAVIS: That's the second time that's happened.
MARISHA: All you had to have rolled was a nine or
anything other than a zero. That's all you had
to-- anything.
MATT: If this had been the second edition
Encyclopedia Magica, you would've gotten the most
broken artifact ever. You rolled two hundreds.
With a tiny methodical squeak, your pores produce
but a few random molecules of hair-like material
that then puff in the air around you.
TRAVIS: Is it at least rough? Like, you know, he
needs to shave, it's so rough.
LAURA: Nah, it's smooth as a baby's bottom.
TALIESIN: Well-oiled.
LAURA: Fine leather. That's what your face feels
like.
ORION: It's still 24 hours since we had the feast,
right? It still counts as the same time?
MATT: The travel back to the town took about two
and a half, three days, so that's been long past
the feast. So the benefits of the Heroes' Feast
have already been washed from your system.
SAM: Where am I?
MATT: Where are you? That's a very good question.
As you returned, tired from the venture, went to
sleep. You have spent the past week or so--
SAM: On my own.
MATT: On your own, essentially finding one of the
various establishments in the city that can aid
you through your sore muscles through the help of
feminine companionship-- or other types of
companionship; whatever your preference may be.
But upon leaving, realize that your party had left
and been gone for some time.
SAM: Where are they? Where am I?
MATT: You've just now found word they've returned
to the Slayer's Take guildhall, and you've made
your way in that direction this bright morning.
TRAVIS: Because it's free to stay there.
LAURA: Yeah, we can stay there for free.
SAM: Hello!
LAURA and MARISHA: Scanlan!
SAM: Where have you guys been?
LAURA: Oh, Scanlan. You've just missed Pike!
SAM: What?! Pike? Pike was here?
MARISHA: We took a field trip with her.
SAM: What are you talking about? Why didn't you
call me? We have an earring!
ORION: I used it twice, and you said, stop
bothering me, Tiberius.
SAM: Well, I-- (sighs)
TALIESIN: We were hearing very weird things from
the other end of that ear piece
ORION: Though he definitely said my name and told
me to stop.
SAM: You didn't lead with Pike, though! You should
have said, Pike's here. Hey, Pike's here.
LAURA: You probably should have done that.
ORION: My bad.
SAM: (frustrated noise)
ORION: Sorry about that.
SAM: I mean, I was having a fun time, but I
would've dropped everything to be with Pike.
ORION: Well, a Stormwind likes to finish a
sentence, and I apparently need to start a
sentence correctly for you to hold your attention
long enough.
SAM: Don't bury the lede. Pike first. Always Pike
first.
ORION: Right. Sorry.
SAM: I wasn't even in a brothel.
LAURA: Oh, you weren't?
SAM: I walked toward the brothel, but then I
bumped into Zahra. Remember Zahra?
TALIESIN: Oh, Zahra!
SAM: She invited me over. We talked all night. One
thing led to another-- nothing untoward-- but we
just had a nice slumber party. It was lovely. It
was me and a couple of tieflings. Three, I think.
We were doing each other's hair, telling stories,
playing songs. It was wonderful!
TRAVIS: Can I roll to see if he's bullshitting?
MATT: You can go ahead and make a-- this would be
an insight.
TRAVIS: Yeah! Grog insight check! Modifier is
zero! That's a nine.
(laughter)
MATT: You are enthralled by his tale. Your elbows
are on the edge of the bedspread right now with
your hands clasped--
TRAVIS: Are my feet behind me, crisscrossing?
MATT: You are this close to a breakdown from
Grease. It's pretty fantastic.
TRAVIS: (singing) Tell me more, tell me more...
SAM: It was great. We had a great PG night.
MARISHA: Sounds like exactly what you needed.
LAURA: Well, then. That sounds like a wonderful
time. It's all right that you missed Pike.
SAM: Yeah, except I would have dropped everything
to come to see the woman I love, the woman of my
dreams, the woman I will marry and bear children
with. I don't know if she'll bear mine or I'll
bear hers.
ORION: Yes. How does it work with gnomes?
SAM: Gnomes, it's tricky.
ORION: Yes, I've never seen a gnome birth,
before.
SAM: You never know.
TALIESIN: Would it help if there were trolls?
SAM: Oh, don't get me started.
TALIESIN: All right, so if there were trolls, it
would be better that you missed everything. There
weren't trolls, but if there had been, it would
have been better.
SAM: Well, at least we're all together again.
MARISHA: We got to meet my family!
SAM: Wait, what?!
MARISHA: Yeah!
SAM: I missed everything.
LAURA: What did you do for all the days we've been
gone now?
SAM: This was a long slumber party. We just kept
going and going, and at one point, I was like,
okay, I'll see you-- oh, there's another meal?
Okay, I'll stick around for another day. And we
just kept going.
TRAVIS: Did you do nails?
SAM: We did. Not my hands. Just my toenails.
LAURA: All right.
SAM: We braided hair. We connected.
LAURA: That's wonderful.
TRAVIS: Connected.
SAM: Well, at least we're all back. We can get on
the flying carpet and go somewhere fun.
LAURA: Oh no.
TRAVIS: Who wants to--
LAURA: Scanlan, you've missed everything!
TRAVIS: Maybe we should let Keyleth explain where
the flying carpet went.
TALIESIN: Yes, Keyleth. Where is the flying
carpet?
MARISHA: Why do I have to explain it?
TRAVIS: You're right. Tiberius, where did the
flying carpet go?
ORION: It's right here. I open my Bag of Holding.
(swoosh) It just doesn't fly anymore.
SAM: You have a Bag of Holding?
ORION: I went to Draconia for like two minutes and
picked one up.
SAM: That's really far.
ORION: Oh. Well, I teleported. I went there, came
back.
LAURA: So they killed the carpet. It lives no
more. They also spent a lot of money. But hey,
they didn't die, and that's a good thing.
SAM: That is a good thing.
MARISHA: And we fought a devil.
LAURA: A demon.
SAM: Whoa! The devil?
ORION: No, a rakshasa.
TALIESIN: It seems that an enormous amount of
alcohol has given you some perspective. I'm very
proud of you. Well done.
LAURA: Thank you.
SAM: Well, thank you for catching me up, fellows.
What's our mission now? What are we doing now?
LAURA: That is a good question.
ORION: I have a suggestion. First I'm going to
bring up Lockheed. Keyleth,
if you think you could help?
SAM: What? I was gone for a day! There's a dragon
now?
ORION: I'm going to take him out of his cage and
put him on the table here.
MARISHA: Aw, he's got puppy breath. Oh, yes you
do. Yes you do.
MATT: It is slightly worse than puppy breath.
MARISHA: You want me to cure him of poison?
ORION: He's diseased. You can maybe see if you
could perhaps use your medicine strengths to see
what the problem is.
MARISHA: I mean, the Heroes' Feast would have
worked.
ORION: Yes, I know. That's why I asked earlier as
the other guy.
LAURA: We did not have him with us then? We didn't
have him with us when we had the feast?
ORION: No.
LAURA: You didn't think of him at the time?
ORION: I said I fed him, but I didn't say what I
fed him.
TALIESIN: I have a strange thought.
LAURA: What?
TALIESIN: When was the last time we went home?
LAURA: Well, okay. Here's the thing. If we're
going to go home-- Emon.
TALIESIN: Greyskull.
LAURA: Right. If we're going to go home, I would
really, really like to stop by Kraghammer.
TALIESIN: And pick up our money.
LAURA: Yes. 25,000 gold.
TRAVIS: If we're going to leave, could I make a
small request?
TALIESIN: You want to try again, don't you?
TRAVIS: I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder.
MARISHA: Oh!
TRAVIS: Would you mind terribly if I maybe went
out to the street and picked a fight?
TALIESIN: Oh, give me strength.
MARISHA: Wait, go out on the street? You're not
going to chase down what's-his-butt?
TRAVIS: I want Kern.
MARISHA: Okay, we're going to find Kern.
SAM: Are you sure about this?
TRAVIS: I'm sure.
MARISHA: Hang on, are we going to go find Kern and
do this with rules, or we going to
do this without rules?
SAM: Without rules, you would win.
TRAVIS: I can't do it. I have to do it by the
rules.
LAURA: So you want to go in the Crucible again.
TRAVIS: Yeah. Is there a tavern downstairs or
anywhere they'd have cups or wineskins?
MATT: Within the guildhall, there is a mess hall
area. A kitchen would have cups, but it's not a
full tavern.
LAURA: Tiberius, do you have any wineskins or
anything?
ORION: Excuse me?
LAURA: Do you have a wineskin?
ORION: Oh, I'm sorry. I was waiting on my first
request before.
SAM: Oh, what was your first request?
ORION: To see if Keyleth could do anything, but a
wineskin? Yes.
LAURA and TRAVIS: Oh, thank you.
MARISHA: Can I do a check to see if I can tell
what Lockheed has? What kind of disease?
MATT: Sure. Go ahead and make a medicine check.
SAM: Oh, it's sick? Get me away from it.
MARISHA: 21.
MATT: 21. Looking at Lockheed, you get the feeling
that his disease essentially comes from a
continuous time period of poor meat being
presented as a meal option. It's less of a magical
or any sort of unnatural disease. It's just
something that is passing through his system.
ORION: Emaciated?
MATT: Not too emaciated. More that some bad meat
has found its system, which means without
treatment over time, his health could diminish.
However, if the food you've been feeding him has
been a decent level, if this continues, it might
clear. It could be aided through the use of simple
healing salves and/or natural remedies.
MARISHA: Can I make a few Goodberries for him and
feed him a few more Goodberries?
MATT: Sure.
TALIESIN: Why not great berries?
MARISHA: Well, I guess that's a matter of opinion,
Percy.
ORION: As far as the matters at hand: I, of
course, Grog, encourage your violence. And
Taliesin, I do quite like the idea of going back
to Emon--
LAURA: Who did you just-- who did you just--
TALIESIN: You just NPCed me. Just NPCed me all
over the place.
ORION: Oh, sorry. I'm sorry, speaking Draconic
again. Percy.
TALIESIN: Taliesin is my mother's name, please.
No.
ORION: Sorry. No, that's not your mother's name.
TALIESIN: It's not my mother's name. She wasn't
well. Carry on.
LAURA: What was your mother's name?
ORION: I'm sorry. Percival. I go over to Percival
and I give him a hug.
TALIESIN: Oh god.
ORION: Sorry, I'm scaly.
TALIESIN: It's all right. We didn't touch in my
family. Go ahead.
ORION: I like the idea of going back to Emon, but
before that, I do believe we should go back to
Kraghammer and collect our gold.
TALIESIN and LAURA: Yes.
ORION: Did we say that already?
TALIESIN and LAURA: We did.
ORION: Wonderful. I was concerned about Lockheed.
MARISHA: So much has happened.
ORION: I'm going to put him on my shoulder.
TRAVIS: Did you say you encourage my violence?
ORION: Of course.
TRAVIS: I take off running out the room.
(laughter)
MARISHA: Oh, Tiberius. You have to be careful. You
have to be responsible--
TRAVIS: Was there a window in the room?
MATT: No, not in this one.
TRAVIS: Okay, just checking.
TALIESIN: Was there a Looney Tunes hole in the
wall?
(laughter)
MATT: So as Grog bounds off into the distance, do
you guys give chase?
ORION and TALIESIN: Yes!
MATT: You get out into the main thoroughfare.
MARISHA: We really need to make that leash for
him, like we said we were going to.
MATT: As you make your way to the main
thoroughfare, you look over and you catch the
image of the distant goliath heading northward
towards the Braving Grounds, just plowing through
the crowd. You see a couple people that are
knocked flat onto their ass, like head shaking,
"what just happened?" as he just goes bounding
into the distance.
MARISHA: Follow the trail of distressed people!
ORION: I give chase. I give myself Fly so I can go
over the crowd.
MATT: As you glide over the crowd, you can see a
few Bastions glance up and narrow their eyes and
begin whispering to themselves.
ORION: It's fine! I realize what I'm doing, and I
stop.
TALIESIN: That's going on your tombstone: I
realize what I'm doing, and I stop.
MATT: As you enter the group, you, Percy, thanks
to him, notice that there are now no less than
five Bastions keeping a 30-foot distance walking and
following behind Tiberius.
LAURA: I go up and I tell Tiberius, maybe it's
best just to keep a low profile for a while. And I
turn around and wave at the Bastions.
TALIESIN: It's all right. He's from Emon.
MATT: As soon as you wave and make that
interaction, they break off in two and three and
go in different directions and disappear into the
crowd.
LAURA: Cool. That was fun.
TALIESIN: Hunter's Mark one of them.
LAURA: Yeah, I'll Hunter's Mark one of them.
ORION: Do they feel that?
LAURA: Oh, wait. Can they feel that?
MATT: Go ahead and make a sleight-of-hand check on
this.
LAURA: Oh gosh. Wait, which one should I roll
first? Okay. Hold on.
Natural 20, what!
MATT: You are the anti-Wheaton as of late. It's
kind of amazing. All right, yeah. You Hunter's
Mark one of the Bastions who wanders off in the
crowd, and you have a very good idea of where he
and/or the cluster that's with him is moving. As
you guys progress, following this path that Grog
is carving through the crowd, heading for the main
bazaar area at the center of the Quad Roads
district, heading northwestern, up into the Braving
Grounds of Vasselheim, you can also sense that
they are following, though at a good 60-foot
distance, keeping an eye on the red-scaled
dragonborn that then flew out into the open air of
the midday sun, with his tinier dragon, his very
meta dragon-on-dragon action. You continue pushing
into the Braving Grounds area. You can see, now,
giant black smokestacks that are billowing up from
the various blacksmithies, and there is a large
industrial iron complex that is used in the mining
and reforming of all the weapons and armor that go
to the Bastions of the city here in the Braving
Grounds. You make your way up towards the Bellows'
Respite Inn, to where the Crucible itself is held
in the center. As you approach, it is midday.
There's no crowd gathered. The Crucible is
currently empty and left on its own. You glance
about for a second, and there's nobody here
running any sort of fight ring.
SAM: Damn it, you'll have to come back.
TRAVIS: (shouting) Kern!
MATT: As you're shouting into the air, a few
people nearby--
TRAVIS: And the Star Trek reference is good. His
name's Kern; it's fun.
MATT: Nearby individuals drop their stuff and look
over as this billowing, deep goliath voice fills
the air around the center of this mildly
business-as-usual road vicinity. Suddenly, a few
individuals come looking out from inside the
Bellows' Respite Inn. It has a tavern portion to
the front. One of them is Once-Lucky Ned, who is
the person that runs the tavern. He's a human
barkeep that wanders out and, "You! Philip!
Yelling Kern?" And you see this look on his face.
TRAVIS: Bring me the body of Kern.
LAURA: Alive! Alive.
ORION: He wants to fight him.
MATT: He cocks his head a little bit at you. "Just
a moment. Stay right there."
And he runs back inside.
SAM: There's going to be a street fight!
MARISHA: I hear Scanlan say that and I run out and
I say, (shouting) fight!
MATT: At this point, other members of the tavern
are starting to come out, tankards in hand, like,
"what's going on?" They see you. "Oh! There's
going to be a fight at the Crucible!" You hear the
shouts going off the nearby houses; it's echoing,
like town crier to town crier. You're hearing
voices echo throughout the entirety of the Braving
Grounds: people preparing for this midday
unexpected throwdown. At this point, you see a few
of the Bastions wearing the armor that is geared
towards Kord, the god of strength that runs this
portion of Vasselheim.
LAURA: The ones that I'm keeping an eye on?
MATT: No, the ones that you're keeping an eye on
were from the Quad Roads, and they're still
staying back. One of them, the one that you've
marked, is around the corner, just keeping an eye
on everybody, but he's mainly keeping to himself.
He does stand out like a sore thumb because his
armor is darker and based around Erathis, whereas
here the Bastions that are under Kord's vision
have more of a red, dark, almost rusty look to
their armor.
Anyway, as the shouts continue, some of the Kord
Bastions gather, one of which you recognize as the
one who was acting as the bookie the first time
you came to the Crucible. And he looks-- wiping
sleep from his eyes-- he looks like he just got
into his armor and rushed out here for about ten
minutes since you just came out here and shouted
your challenge to the sky.
He rushes out for a second.
"You! Hey, am I to hear properly that you are 
challenging our standing champion once again?"
TRAVIS: Aye, you heard right.
MATT: "Midday, now, under the noonday sun?"
TRAVIS: Aye, where everyone can see, and he can't
hide.
MATT: He glances over to another Bastion that's to
his left. "Get Kern. Now." He rushes off and he
looks back to you. "Well, then. A fight we're
going to have." At this point now, there's
probably about 20, 25 people that are beginning to
gather around the outskirts of the Crucible around
you. "Oh, it's Philip! Philip's showing down
with Kern!" There's all these different whispers
now going throughout the crowd as the rest of you
gather. The Bastion that you've been following
backs off and stays further back, and is slowly
keeping a distance further away as the crowd
begins to gather, wanting to stay inconspicuous
amongst all this chaos and
rabble you guys have collected.
MARISHA: I join in with everybody else. Yeah, did
you see that, Kern's fighting Philip!
TALIESIN: Why are you telling me this? Of course I
know.
MARISHA: Kern's fighting--
ORION: I also know.
MARISHA: Shit.
LAURA: Can I try, subtly, to pass off my ring of
AC to Grog?
MATT: Grog, do you have any enchantment of
protection, currently?
TRAVIS: Nope.
MATT: You do not?
TRAVIS: I don't.
MATT: On the ring, does it say attunement
required?
LAURA: No. It doesn't, I don't think. Hold on, let
me look.
MATT: I can look it up for you, if need be.
LAURA: Ring of Protection.
TRAVIS: Yeah, my Belt of Dwarvenkind is the only
thing, but that's all.
LAURA: It just says plus two bonus to AC and
saving throw-- oh, requires attunement.
MATT: Yeah, you have to take time to go ahead and
attune to the magical item.
LAURA: Damn it! I'm sorry, Grog.
TRAVIS: It's all right.
LAURA: You shouldn't have taken off running!
MATT: (laughs) About 20 minutes pass by as the
crowd is now gathered, about 50 to 60 people.
Apparently, word of your last battle has gotten
around, and now there's this fevered pitch of
interest. People have dropped what they're doing
and the smokestacks you can see have slowly turned
to a dribble as everyone who's working the nearby
forges and/or smelting irons have rushed out here
to see this battle and dropped what they're doing.
This has turned into full-on,
"Morpheus is fighting Neo."
TRAVIS: I turn to the bookie, and I take out my
entire coin purse, and I throw it at him.
ORION: I use my Mage Hand--
LAURA: No, don't use magic!
ORION: Oh no, I don't! I don't do that!
TALIESIN: We whack him on the head before he
starts to do the hand. Stop it!
TRAVIS: I throw him the coin purse and I say, I
expect to see that doubled when I get out. And I
jump into the pit before Kern even arrives.
MATT: You leap and the whole crowd goes (cheering)
and this series of shouting screams surround the
air around you. He grabs the coin purse-- how much
is in that coin purse?
TRAVIS: According to this, it's eleven-- that
can't be right, can it?
SAM: 11,000?
LAURA: Personal funds?!
MATT: Your personal funds, not what's in the Bag
of Holding.
TRAVIS: 1,363.
MATT: 1,363 gold pieces.
LAURA: That's normal. He probably has more than
that.
MARISHA: You should start charging admission at
the door.
SAM: I run up. There's a bookie here?
MATT: There is a bookie.
SAM: I run up to him and very subtly say, I'd like
a hundred against Grog, please.
(laughter)
MATT: Okay. He looks down at you and says, "Not
bad. Going with the odds.
"It's three to one against him."
SAM: All right, yes. Just don't mention if I win.
Maybe I'll come and collect later.
ORION: I have 600 gold pieces--
MATT: You don't hear this.
SAM: I'll collect later. Don't say anything.
MATT: "All right."
TALIESIN: Good chap, I'd like to place a bet. 500
gold pieces on Philip.
MATT: "On to Philip. All right. (laughs) 500."
ORION: I'm going to break my bank and follow suit
to my human friend. 612 is, I think,
all I have left.
MATT: "Curious number, but certainly." At this
time, the crowd gets a little more hushed, people
are like, "Oh." And you see-- you don't see this,
because you're down in the Crucible-- you see the
crowd, which has probably gathered close to 70
plus people, part, and you see walking over, soot
smeared across the front of his face, stepping up
is Kern the Hammer, with a bristled, half-orc
mustache, a little bit tousled from a day of hard
work, sweat glistening off the top of his brow and
the top of his head.
TRAVIS: He's missing a lip.
MATT: As he approaches, you can see-- there has
been some healing through the quick work of the
clerics who worked after the last battle. However,
there is definitely a section of his upper lip
that is permanently missing, looking almost like a
half-cleft palate. You can see beneath it, his
sneering yellowed teeth grinding as he approaches
the Crucible.
TALIESIN: I believe in you, Philip.
LAURA: I'm going to bet.
MATT: You're going to bet?
LAURA: I'm going to bet. I'm going to put 600 on
Philip!
MARISHA: So wait, this betting thing is
enjoyable?
ORION: No, it's not. It's a gamble.
MARISHA: It feels bad?
TALIESIN: It's terrible.
MARISHA: So why do we do it?
ORION: So we can make more, and plus, it's giving
faith in our friend.
LAURA: It's inspiration.
MARISHA: I'll bet five gold on Philip.
TRAVIS: (laughs) That's an excellent bet. That is
an excellent bet, Keyleth.
MARISHA: Thank you! Is that how it works?
MATT: Vax stands behind you and is like, "Yes,
I'll stand behind your bet," and keeps his gold to
himself. At this point, the crowd separates. This
tension's mounting, and everyone's eyes are on
Kern as he steps up to the edge of the Crucible.
You now notice the dark figure. The noonday sun is
now high in the sky, and you can see, by the
little bit of the shadowed outline of Kern,
muscle-bound, looming over the edge of the
Crucible. You hear a voice call down to you, low
and gravelly and familiar. "You! Did you like the
gift I sent you?"
TRAVIS: I reach into my belt and I pull out his
upper lip, and I give it a smell and I say, I've
enjoyed it very much. I've come to collect the
rest. And I fling it into the pit.
MATT: It hits the ground. "You're not wearing the
medal. A shame, really. I thought you'd be more
"proud of your status." (whoosh, thud). He leaps
down into the pit right before you, this grin on
his face. As everyone's gathering around, people
are now swarming the bookie, handing gold left and
right, and he's making notes in his little ledger
out of his pocket. People are beginning to gather
around and crush against the outsides of the
Crucible with some people being careful, almost
being pushed in. At this point in time, now,
Kern's glaring at you and you guys are slowly
circling each other. (grunts) "You've been
training, I see. Good. So have I!" He goes and
takes his wine skin, pops off the top--
TRAVIS: Hold! Surely a man of your stature would
honor me by sharing a drink before this battle.
MATT: He takes (glugging) and throws you the
wineskin.
TRAVIS: How much is left in there?
MATT: About a third. You're clutching it in your
hand, and he's staring at you intently.
TRAVIS: (sniff, sniff) I don't drink such piss
water. I pour it out. I take out my own wineskin
that I filled with the stone giant strength, and I
chug it down.
SAM: He's juicing!
MARISHA: Oh shit!
TALIESIN: Oh!
MATT: You see him snarl to the side as you toss
his wineskin to the ground and you chug your own.
It tastes very heavily-- this is frost giant
strength, you said?
TRAVIS: Or the stone giant, yeah.
MATT: Oh, the stone giant. It tastes very heavily
of black charcoal, dust, grit, and the actual
liquid itself has a very gravelly texture as it
goes down your throat, and you can feel chunks
getting caught, but you push through and continue
gulping it. It's thicker, like a molasses, than it
is an actual liquid. You finish it off, toss it to
the side. Go ahead and mark your increase to
strength for this.
TRAVIS: I got it down already.
(laughter)
MATT: You came prepared!
TRAVIS: (singing) We're going to need a montage, a
montage.
MATT: (laughs) You toss your wineskin to the side.
The bookie, you hear now, raises his hand. "All
"here in attendance. We have here in the Crucible
this day, a rematch of titans. The standing
"champion of all the Braving Grounds of Vasselheim:
Kern the Hammer." (cheers)
(booing)
MATT: Coins start raining on you: copper, silver,
and gold pieces spin down on the ground around
you, Grog. You guys just stand tensely locked in
that warrior glare. "Challenging him, once again,
"tail between his legs, intent on claiming his
glory, returning to the Crucible, Philip."
TRAVIS: No! Philip is dead. There is no Philip.
There is only Grog, the Vengeful.
(cheering)
MATT: Cheers go up around the outside of the
Crucible. You can now see the entire crowd-- the
energy itself is electric in the air; eyes are
intense and bloodshot. Everyone is looking down
into what is about to be, hopefully, a drag-out,
throwdown fight. You feel the rippling strength of
your stone giant elders tearing through your body.
You flex, and you hear with each muscle tensing
and the popping of bones and sinew as you prepare
yourself for this. As you're doing this, you see
across the way, Kern cracks his knuckles, and you
can see the giant scar from his snarling lip. You
realize he hasn't been snarling this whole time;
it's just the natural state of his current smile.
And then he snarls. You can see his orcish tusks
protruding out, and the gums themselves, black and
purple, peering out from underneath his upper lip
that you once destroyed.
"I'm going to take yours this time, boy."
TRAVIS: Enough words, toothless. Let's do this.
MATT: Roll initiative.
TRAVIS: Oh, I get advantage, don't I? That's
better. 20.
MARISHA: Music change!
SAM: How did you have that ready?
TALIESIN: Witchcraft!
MATT: I keep all my stuff at the ready, just in
case. All right.
TALIESIN: Are we that predictable?
MATT: I have a whole cluster over here. So what'd
you get for initiative, in total?
TRAVIS: 20.
MARISHA: There's papers just littering our
apartment, just information.
MATT: I have clusters and clusters of maps that
are either used or unused, at all times.
All righty.
MARISHA: Our house is a D&amp;D cave.
MATT: I'm so sorry. As you're preparing for this
circumstance, you are up first.
Grog, you have initiative.
TRAVIS: I race towards Kern, and I duck down as if
I'm going to go into a form tackle towards his
waist. I take a step to the side at the last
second and wrap my arms around his waist from
behind, pick him up to DDT him over my shoulder.
(cheering)
ORION: The DDT!
MARISHA: The DDT!
MATT: Okay. For this, go ahead and make an
athletics check.
TRAVIS: Okay. (laughs) 25.
MATT: 25.
TRAVIS: 18 plus seven.
MATT: He rolled a 23. 15 plus eight. So you rush
up behind and he goes in for the feint, attempts
to parry. However, you vanish from the side. He
feels the arms wrap around him and he reaches down
instinctively to try and pry them away, but it's
too late as you lift him up off of his back and
(whack) send him onto the ground. Go ahead and
roll 1d2 plus your strength modifier.
LAURA: 1d-what? Two?
MATT: Well, it's 1d4 divided by two.
TRAVIS: Six.
MATT: Six, all right. (impact noise) So he took
the damage. There's no attacks this round,
currently; however, he is currently prone. He is
prone on the ground right there. As you slam him
onto the ground and release him, he falls to the
ground and you hear (pained grunt) this exhale of
pain. All right, you also have a bonus action,
still.
TRAVIS: Right, with that action, I would like to
go into-- does it take an action to rage?
MATT: It takes a bonus action for you to rage.
TRAVIS: Which is what this is?
MATT: Yes.
TRAVIS: I would like to rage.
(cheering)
MATT: And with that, as you see his form crumple
on the ground, he gets up to one knee and begins
standing up, wiping off a little bit of the dust
that's been smeared across his slobbered chin. You
look down at him, and the light that's pouring
down from the sun that was once white and yellow
in tone now turns to red as your eyes focus on
your quarry before you. That ends your turn.
Kern uses half movement to stand up. (grunts)
Looks at you and gives this chuckle. (slow
chuckle) "This early, then? So be it." Bites the
edge of his wrist and tears a chunk of his own
flesh off the side of his arm. (tearing sound,
heavy breathing) Uses his bonus action to rage.
Goes into his frenzied rage, as well. And he's
coming at you with both fists. One thing you
notice, strangely: Kern, who previously seemed to
throw haymakers at you, before,
goes into a stance.
LAURA: He's been training!
ORION: He monked up!
MATT: And goes into swing two heavy fists at you.
That is going to be a-- Let's see, 24?
TRAVIS: That hits.
MATT: Ooh, that is going to be a 27.
TRAVIS: Yeah, that'll hit, too.
MATT: All right, first hit is nine points of
damage.
TRAVIS: Okay.
MATT: Second one is eight points of damage.
TRAVIS: He got nine points of damage?
MATT: (whack, whack) Yeah. And for those who are
paying attention: they're both raging, they both
take half damage, but since they're both doing it,
we're negating both abilities because otherwise
this battle would take three hours.
(whack, whack) These fists, you see as they hit
you, they're not just extremely strong and
powerful previously, but they're hitting precise
areas where you feel the muscle and bone is less
resistant. There is technique to these punches
that wasn't there before.
TRAVIS: No problem!
MATT: He is going to dodge to the side here.
(whoosh) Dodge off to the side (whoosh). Prepares
himself, fists ready, for a defensive action.
It's your go.
TRAVIS: All right, I would like to enter a
frenzied rage, and I would like to-- since he
moves off to my side, I see him move, and I throw
a back fist into the concave area of his nose.
MATT: Okay.
TRAVIS: 23.
MATT: 23 hits.
TRAVIS: Great. That is-- motherfucker, six.
MATT: Six damage?
TRAVIS: Yes.
MATT: All righty.
TRAVIS: I would like to then reach forward, as
he's reeling back from that hit, with both of my
thumbs and throw them towards his eyes.
MATT: You're going to attempt to blind? All right,
so what this is going to be is for your second
attack, a loose grapple, and we'll see if you can
manage to push forward from that point. So go
ahead and make an athletics check.
TRAVIS: 14.
MATT: 14. That is going to be a 16 on his end,
unfortunately. As you reach up, he (whoosh) slaps
the hands away. His defensive posture-- he was
ready for that sort of advance and he just knocks
them to the side with a grin. Yeah. You do still
have a bonus action, if you wish to use it.
TRAVIS: If he knocks it aside, I take my right leg
and I throw it to the outside of his kneecap,
trying to snap his ACL or MCL.
MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll for the attack on
that.
TRAVIS: That's a 27.
MATT: 27 does indeed hit.
TRAVIS: Why didn't that happen before? That's
seven.
MATT: Seven points of damage? Oof, all right. As
he pushes your hands out of the way, (whack) a
resounding snap sound as your foot hits the side
of his thigh. His leg muscles themselves are like
a tree trunk and take most of the impact of the
damage and you see him (pained cry). You can see
the pain in his face. His grin gives way to a
sudden grimace of pain. Your leg is now held in
place; he resisted the full force of the blow to
some physical damage himself, but not enough to
knock the knee out. Do you want to move at all, or
are you going to stay where you are?
TRAVIS: I would like to move to flank his right
side.
MATT: All righty.
SAM: Put him in a body bag!
MATT: As you move over, with that it comes to his
turn. As you're moving to the side, he spins
around this time. You have not yet seen him move
his legs to this extent, to a full back roundhouse
kick towards your head. That is going to be a 20?
TRAVIS: That hits.
MATT: That hits, okay. Second attack is going to
be a 19?
TRAVIS: That hits.
MATT: Next attack is going to be a 12, no, 13.
TRAVIS: That misses.
MATT: Okay. So the roundhouse kick (whoosh) swings
around, completely unexpected as you pull to the
side. (smack) Hits you right square in the side of
the face and jaw. That is going to be seven points
of damage.
TRAVIS: Okay.
MATT: And as you're reeling from that, he brings
the leg back, jumps in the air and does a
secondary jump, side-swiping kick to the other
side of your head, as you're sent to the side.
(whack, whack) Second one doing eight points of
damage. (whack, whack)
TRAVIS: Okay. All right.
MATT: And he's going to move slightly over here,
basically getting you up against the wall. He's
situating himself now where since you moved to the
side; he's putting you in this pincer formation
between the wall and himself. That ends his turn.
You're up.
TRAVIS: (grunts, pants) I see you've been taking
some ballet. How very cultured of you. And I rush
forward. I'm between him and the wall?
MATT: You are between him and the wall, yes.
TRAVIS: Okay. (laughs)
LAURA: I get up on Trinket's shoulders and cheer.
MATT: (roars) Trinket roars with you. (roar) This
roar of victory, which people around immediately
take two steps away from the large bear that's
suddenly roaring in the center. You guys are
unfazed, too focused on each other.
TRAVIS: I rush up and get him, give him a little
nasty-- of the last time for a double thunderclap,
to either side of his ears.
MATT: Oof, okay.
TRAVIS: That is a 13.
MATT: 13. Unfortunately, as you go to swing, he
(whoosh) ducks out of the way, and your hands slap
into each other, finding no purchase on his head.
TRAVIS: That's all right. Since I didn't find any
purchase, I'll see where his ears are, try and
grab them, and I'm going to attempt to rip his
ears off of his head. His nice pointy ears.
MATT: Okay, so your second attack is going to be
to try and grab his ears. Go for it.
TRAVIS: 16.
MATT: 16, no. As you go up for the one ear, he
parries it to the side with his hand.
TRAVIS: (sighs) Third attack. 14.
MATT: 14. (whoosh) Knocks that one out of the way.
As you're (whoosh, whoosh) swinging at him, he
seems to just be dodging out of the way. He still
has the force behind him, but whatever he's picked
up now has completely thrown you off. You weren't
prepared. You were prepared for a bruiser. You've
now seen, still a bruiser, but with a little more
refined technique, and it's throwing you off your
game. You need to resettle yourself. You need to
pull yourself in, Grog. However, in that moment of
thinking, he swings at you with a double pummel up
towards the torso. That is a natural 20. That is
going to be a 13.
SAM: Oh! Miss.
MATT: This is yours, I believe. And that's going
to be a nine. (laughs) Or, sorry, a ten. So first
one hits, second two miss. (whack) The first one
comes through and smacks you right in the center
of the stomach. With a double hit, that's 14
points of damage.
TRAVIS: I would like to use my Stone's Endurance.
MATT: Go for it. You, at that point as the punch
hits your stomach, you flex, feeling the strength
of the mountain fill your body, your ancestral
roots of your stone giant
brethren fill your form.
TRAVIS: That's 16.
MATT: 16. As the fist (crash) finds the side of
your stomach, the iron-like form that is your
torso stops his fist in its place, and you see
him (pained exhale) pull away, shaking his hand.
As he shakes away, he brings up his other hand to
backhand you. You duck out of the way. He swings
with a kick around with the momentum, and you
catch it in the middle of the air. So we're going
to start your turn with you now holding his leg up
by the side of your head.
TRAVIS: Oh, fantastic. I'll keep that leg up in
the air. I'll move it over to my shoulder, take
both my hands up and bring it down on top of his
kneecap, hyper-flexing the leg.
(yelling)
MATT: Go ahead and roll for attack on this.
TRAVIS: That's better. 26.
(cheering)
TRAVIS: That's eight.
MATT: Eight damage? All right.
MARISHA: Maybe we can start a chant for
inspiration.
LAURA: Yeah, can we? Grog.
MATT: So that's your first attack?
TRAVIS: That was my first.
MATT: So as you go (crash), bring it down, the
knee-- a human's leg would have hyperextended, but
the sheer size of muscle-- and this is comparable
to your own-- you feel it definitely hurt and he's
like (pained cry) yelp out in pain, but it's not
enough to fully pop the leg back.
TRAVIS: What's the matter, ballerina? I thought
you should be stretched out and ready for this.
And I reach back and I drive my fist into his
nutsack.
(laughter)
MATT: Roll a second attack.
TRAVIS: 25.
MATT: That definitely hits. Go ahead and roll
damage on that.
ORION: Oh my god, a Grog punch to the balls.
TRAVIS: Eight. My first eight.
MATT: Nice! Second eight, actually. You've already
rolled.
TRAVIS: Oh, that's right, okay.
ORION: I'm going to argue that that should be
doubled because there's two balls.
(laughter)
MATT: Kern is one of those individuals who's had
his nuts kicked enough times in his life to know
the pain well and be prepared for it. So as you
come down, (whack) slam it right into him. You
hear this (high, pained wail) almost wolf-like
screeching howl as Kern's head lifts up in severe
pain. His hands come down and grasp your wrist and
is now holding it, trying to pull it away from his
midsection. He's in a very bad situation right
now.
TRAVIS: With that last one, can I take my right
leg and in an effort to shoot for that same knee
I've been kicking at, aim for the knee or sweep
his feet?
MATT: Sure, go for it.
TRAVIS: Fuck. That'll miss. It's a 13.
MATT: 13. As you pull back to sweep, Kern uses
this advantage to bring up the other leg that you
haven't hit, plant it right on your shoulder and
neck area, and then push off your body. As you
sweep underneath, he leaps backward, flipping in
the air. (thud) Lands on both of his feet,
clutching the inside of his groin area, like
(snarling grunt) shaking off the pain through the
anger. So he leaps back to here.
MARISHA: As that's happening, we all start a
chant.
ALL: (chanting) Grog, Grog, Grog.
SAM: As they're chanting, I'm starting to sing
amid the chant. (singing) It's the eye of the
goliath, it's the thrill of the fight. Rising up
to the challenge of that asshole. (speaking) And
I'm trying to send inspiration to him.
MATT: With that, you hear through the fury,
through the anger that the chant, your real name,
not Philip now, your real name, reclaimed in the
center of this proving point in the center of the
oldest known city to civilization, under the
visual guidance of the god of strength and valor.
And through all that, you hear the gentle hymn of
Scanlan's voice cut through all that and come to
you with a beat, a rhythmic beat that drives you
forward. Go ahead and take a d10 inspiration.
(cheering)
MATT: Now Kern, having landed on his feet, rushes
forward towards you, and first using his bonus
action, is going to go ahead and reach down for a
very deep uppercut. It looks like he's coming in
for a left, and sweeps down to try and take you from
underneath, breaking through your defense. That is going
to be a 20.
TRAVIS: That hits.
MATT: You take ten points of damage. Right to the
chin from underneath. For the bonus action, Kern
then comes back, and you're used to an unleashed
flurry. Kern, however, comes back into a fully
defensive position, righting his hands and leg in
a backwards stance, and is just looking at you,
ready for you to come. He's using his action to go
into a dodge. It's now your turn.
SAM: Oh, wait, so he gets some sort of advantage?
MATT: All attacks against him have disadvantage
this next turn.
ORION: Wait, against him? No, he meant...
advantage, because balls.
MATT: Nope.
ORION: Damn it.
MARISHA: The balls doesn't give advantage?
ORION: No, he has tough nuts. Never mind.
MATT: He has the feat Toughness, which I think
really resists any sort of
ball damage at this point.
TRAVIS: In an effort to keep my distance, I run
towards him, I jump up in the air and throw one
thrust-kick towards the side, right towards his
chest, just to see what his defense will do.
MATT: Go for it. With disadvantage, so roll
twice.
LAURA: Oh god. Mother bitch!
TRAVIS: Well, that was a natural 20, but 19.
MATT: 19. Total 19?
TRAVIS: Total 19.
MATT: That just barely hits.
TRAVIS: Can I add the inspiration to the-- no,
just to the roll, right. That is an eight.
MATT: Eight. So.
TRAVIS: Halved. So half of three is one and a
half, and we're rounding up?
MATT: Rounding up, yeah. Three and four is a two,
considered.
TRAVIS: Right, so eight.
MATT: All righty. All right. So you rush up,
(whack) slamming. He puts the defense out and
tries to push to the side. However, his defense is
imperfect; you can see he's still new to this
fighting style, and you still manage to push
through with sheer force and slam into the side of
his torso from the impact.
TRAVIS: I leap forward again and try to throw my
thumbs into his eyes.
MATT: Okay, you're going for the blind again. Go
ahead and roll an attack on this, with
disadvantage.
TRAVIS: 21-- aw. 15.
MATT: 15.
ORION: Inspiration!
SAM: If you want to use it.
TRAVIS: That's a 22.
MATT: 22 hits.
(cheering)
MATT: So you rush forward to grab. You have hold
of his head now. There's no damage this round, but
you're enabling yourself now for the rest of the
round to attempt to push into his eyes. There's no
damage on this one. You grab the side of his head,
and you see his eyes open with this look of fear
at the unexpected ferocity from you. Go ahead and
make an athletics check.
MARISHA: Come on, Grog!
TRAVIS: 24.
MATT: 24. He rolled a 19, so go ahead and do
damage on this. Roll damage.
TRAVIS: With the four? Six.
MATT: Six, all righty. So as you have a hold of
his head, you grin as your thumbs push into his
eyes. He yells out in pain, and before you can
damage the eyes permanently, he slaps off of your
hands so hard and with such an intense push that
you can't help but feel your actual forearms be
blown back. However, he's clutching the side of
his face, and for the next round, he is blinded.
TRAVIS: Can I move?
MATT: You can move, as well.
TRAVIS: I just back straight up.
MATT: Back this way? He currently doesn't threaten
you because he's blinded, so you can rush past him
and not get an attack of opportunity.
TRAVIS: Oh, really?
MATT: Yeah.
TRAVIS: I'll move along the wall to his left
side.
MATT: Over here?
TRAVIS: Yes.
MATT: To there?
TRAVIS: Yes.
MATT: Okay.
LAURA: But back up?
TRAVIS: And back up just a little bit. Yeah.
MATT: Okay. So. As you dodge off to the side,
Kern's grabbing his face, and just takes a moment.
Hears your footsteps along the side, as there is
no stealth to this; there are just footprints.
However, Kern does attempt to sidestep over. He's
going to attempt to make three strikes at you,
with a disadvantage on all of them because he's
currently blinded.
TRAVIS: All right, you seem to be rolling pretty
high. You could use the dice that I threw.
MATT: And rolls against him have advantage as
well. All right, so attacks against you. That is
going to be a 14.
TRAVIS: Misses!
MATT: Natural 20 or an eight. So that'll be 16.
TRAVIS: Okay, that misses.
MATT: 19 and 19. Another one does hit. So, wide
punches forward. They're a foot away from you. You
chuckle, getting out of the way, and as you
chuckle, he hears that. (snap) And for a moment,
his mind clarifies, even though his eyes are
closed with a trickle of blood off the side of one
of the eye. He immediately goes into a
faster-than-you-expected midsection punch that
(whack) smacks you right in the middle of your
laughing stomach. Because you're laughing, there
is that tension, but it wasn't flexed, prepared
for an actual impact from a fist. And you take
seven points of damage from the hit to your
abdomen.
TRAVIS: All right.
MATT: It is your turn. He is still blinded, so you
have advantage on all these attacks. As you reel
from the hit to your midsection--
TRAVIS: I want to move-- no, I'll stay right where
I am. Can I reach forward, grab his head and his
shoulder, and go in for a bite attack at his
neck?
MATT: You certainly can.
TRAVIS: (growls) Yes! Aiming for the jugular. 23.
MATT: 23? Definitely hits. Go ahead and roll
damage on that.
TRAVIS: All right. Eight.
SAM: You're sure you're adding that right?
TRAVIS: Yeah.
SAM: It's just plus four?
TRAVIS: Plus six. This is halved.
SAM: Are you sure? I thought you were both raging.
There's no halves!
TRAVIS: No, we halve the die.
SAM: Is that true?
MATT: Both of them are at half damage because of
their raging, so we're considering them both to
not count that.
SAM: So they're not counting the halves?
LAURA: So he shouldn't be halving his die?
MATT: Well, no. The die halving is the natural
damage of a punch, 1d2. So it's half of a d4.
LAURA: Got it. Sorry.
MATT: Except for Kern, who is currently doing a
full d4 on his punches. For some reason! (laughs)
All right. So. As you rush in, he puts out a hand
to try and punch instinctively as you rush towards
him, his eyes still coated in his own blood. You
push to the side, reach in, and grab the back of
his shoulder, and (crunching sound) Grog-bite into
the side. It's like biting into a tree trunk, his
skin is so thick.
TRAVIS: I eat bar stools for dinner.
MATT: You do, actually, and the taste is similar,
Your teeth grind in, and you find yourself tearing
into probably what would be the toughest steak
you've ever tried. You get about a quarter to a
half an inch in with your teeth, definitely taking
a chunk and (tearing sound) tearing out what you
can, but based on the general hardiness of his
half-orc structure, you don't get to a jugular or
any major vein, but you do leave a gash that
leaves a significant mark on his body. That's the
first attack.
TRAVIS: I pull back from the bite, and I whisper
into his ear, I was wondering what was going to
break first: your spirit, or your body. And I
would like to try to pick him up over my head and
bring him down on my knee, Bane-style.
LAURA: Batman!
MATT: Go ahead and make an athletics check. With
advantage.
TRAVIS: Okay, that's 25.
MATT: 25.
TRAVIS: Do I need to roll on advantage to see if I
get a 20?
MATT: Sure, go for it.
TRAVIS: Oh, it's a 19. It was so close! 26.
MATT: 26.
TRAVIS: Son of a bitch!
MATT: You reach forward and scoop him up, lifting
him over your head. He's trying to resist it, but
in his unable-to-see state, there's no way he can
possibly resist this. You lift him up over the
top, (whack) down onto the knee. Go ahead and roll
damage. I will consider both your two final
attacks, but this attack damage is doubled,
modifier included.
TRAVIS: Seven, so 14.
(cheering)
MATT: All right. As part of this, he is--
SAM: Oh no. He's going to pull some shit.
TRAVIS: Matt reaching for things is never good.
MATT: I'm going to go ahead and make a
constitution check on his end. The DC is going to
be the damage dealt, so he's going to try and
essentially resist the effect of this. He is at
disadvantage because he's blinded. That is a
three. An 18 and a three. However, he still has a
high constitution and so that's still plus 9 to
that.
TALIESIN, TRAVIS, and LAURA: 12.
MATT: Not enough to beat the 14. So, for the
purposes of this round, Kern is currently on the
ground, stunned. He loses an entire round of
combat.
(excited noises)
MATT: No longer blinded, but Kern is currently
(choking noises) reaching towards his back, where
there's this shooting pain throughout his entire
nervous system. You have another round to go.
TRAVIS: I reach up with my fingernails, and I
carve these scrapes down my face, and I leap up
with both feet, and I jump down on his head.
(yelling)
LAURA: It's so brutal!
MATT: All right. Go ahead and roll. Attacks have
advantage on him because he's stunned.
TRAVIS: That's better. 23.
MATT: 23 hits.
TRAVIS: You know what? Just three of them. (battle
cry)
MATT: Just rage-stomping on him? Okay! Three
attacks.
TRAVIS: 20.
MATT: 20 hits.
MARISHA: You're right. This is so much more
exciting when you bet.
TRAVIS: 15.
MATT: The first, you leap up into the air, both
feet down (wham) right into the shoulder and side
of the rib cage. You hear a (wet crunching noise)
snap as at least two ribs give way under the sheer
weight and force of your left foot. As you leap up
again, bring down both feet a second time, one
finds purchase on the ground next to him, while
the second one hits him right in the lower
abdomen, pelvis region. (whack) With this second
one, you hear (deep groaning) the scream as the
air is nearly knocked out of Kern. The third one,
you reach up, this time just seeing seething rage.
You can feel the actual foam at the corners of
your mouth dripping down the sides of your chin.
As you bring your leg up again to stomp a third
time, this time Kern rolls out of the way. He
manages to just avoid the third slam. What's the
total damage on that?
TRAVIS: Did I roll? It's good. Eight and eight!
MATT: Damn!
TALIESIN: You turned him into a stain.
MATT: Kern, no longer stunned, now gets up,
(grunts) holding the back of his side.
LAURA: You suck, Kern!
ORION: You also smell!
MATT: (chuckles) Glances up for a moment at you,
and sees you raising your fists and gives a grin.
Looks back towards you and lunges towards you now.
He's going to attempt a grapple at you. Go ahead and
make an athletics check.
TRAVIS: That's a one.
LAURA: Do you get an advantage at all?
MATT: Nope, no longer blinded, no longer stunned.
You are considered currently grappled. All right,
so for the action there-- as a bonus action he's
going to rear back, open his mouth, and attempt to
bite towards your face.
MARISHA: He's Mike Tyson-ing you.
MATT: Correct. That is a 21.
TRAVIS: That hits.
MATT: You take ten points of damage, and you feel
teeth grasp on to the top of your lip, and with a
sickening sharp, burning sensation, (wet ripping
noise) your upper lip is now torn from the front
of your face. As you see Kern reel back, a streak
of blood spilling off in an arc as his head pulls
back, a terrible grin creeping across his smile.
As you now see, this dull gray-colored, Grog
flesh-toned piece of skin dangling bloodily from
his mouth.
(disgusted noises)
MARISHA: We can fix it!
MATT: Your turn, currently grappled so you can't
move.
TRAVIS: I would like to attempt to break that grapple.
MATT: Okay. Make an athletics check.
TRAVIS: That is 21.
MATT: He rolled a 14. So you break from the
grapple. Still have your bonus action.
TRAVIS: Both of my bonus actions, or all three?
MATT: Actually, breaking from grapple-- let me
double-check. It uses an action, so yeah, it's
your action. You still have a bonus action.
TRAVIS: I blow through my newly lipless mouth,
(laughs) and I run up and
I throw my face into his.
MATT: Okay! Go ahead and roll for your headbutt.
TRAVIS: That's a 17.
MATT: 17 misses. As you dodge forward, Kern
actually spits it toward you and it (squelch) hits
you in the face, and for a second, it completely
throws you off. Your head still goes forward.
However, as you look down, Kern has already
swished beneath you. The sheer speed is
unexpected; he's now beneath looking up and grabs
the chunk of the lip that he had taken and comes
up for a full round of attacks against you.
TRAVIS: Wait, that was just my one attack.
MATT: Oh, that's right. You still have-- No, you
used your action to break the grapple. So you're
still grappled, so you can't move. So this
is his turn.
TRAVIS: I broke the grapple!
MATT: You did break the grapple, so yeah, you
could still move if you wanted to.
TRAVIS: No, I'll stay there.
MATT: Okay. That is a 23.
TRAVIS: Hits.
MATT: 23. And a 12.
TRAVIS: (sighs) Misses.
MATT: So, grabs the lip in one hand, reaches up
and then (slam) uppercuts you from underneath for
the first hit. That is seven points of damage.
TRAVIS: Okay.
MATT: The next one, however, is eight points of
damage. Swings up and actually haymakers you to
the side with the hand still holding the chunk of
your lip in it (slamming impact) across the side
of your face, and is going to attempt to do a
backwards leaping flip-kick. However, because Kern
is not as practiced at this and is over-extending,
you see it telegraphed far in advance, and you
duck out of the way, and it (whoosh) whiffs past.
Kern loses his balance for a minute and in an
embarrassing moment almost falls over from his own
strike. Manages to catch himself and is like,
"Nobody saw that, right?" That ends Kern's turn.
You're up.
LAURA: (shouting) I saw that, Kern!
TRAVIS: I reach forward, throw that leg towards
the right knee again.
Still working on the same spot.
MATT: Okay.
TRAVIS: Miss.
MATT: All right. Still have two more strikes.
TRAVIS: That's a 21.
MATT: 21 hits.
TRAVIS: And I miss.
MATT: Okay. So, you rush forward with your leg
(whoomph) he manages to duck out of the way,
bringing his knee up to the side. Comes down to
try and get ready for the next attack; however,
you already used that inertia of the kick to bring
your fist down (whack) right across the front of
his face. Go ahead and roll damage.
TRAVIS: That's an eight.
MATT: Eight. All right. Okay, and the third
strike, you come out to follow that up with a full
combo, at which point however, he reaches out,
(clutching noise) grabs the sides of your wrists
with both of his hands and brings it down to where
you're now face-to-face again, left at his mercy
at this point. You're off-balance and led towards
him. It's Kern's turn. Kern is going to reach back
and attempt to headbutt you in the front. That is
a 21.
TRAVIS: That hits.
MATT: That is an 11.
TRAVIS: Misses.
MATT: And that's going to be a 22.
TRAVIS: That hits.
MATT: Just (whack) headbutts you right square in
the face. You reel back from it. He goes to
headbutt again. This time you duck out of the way.
However, at that point, he pulls you closer in
towards him, still holding your wrists to his
side, and he headbutts you a third time. So, the
first headbutt does nine points of damage, and the
other one does seven points of damage.
TRAVIS: Okay.
MATT: (whack, whoosh, whack) Pulling you in, this
time releasing you from the sheer impact, pushing
you back onto your feet. It's your go.
TRAVIS: Am I back to the wall?
MATT: You're pretty close to the wall, yeah.
TRAVIS: I'd like to take a step back, put my back
foot on the wall, and then push off into the air
with a huge overhand right.
MATT: Nice! Okay, pushing off in the air and
arcing down with the fist.
TRAVIS: That's a 22.
MATT: 22 hits.
TRAVIS: Eight points of damage.
MATT: Eight points of damage. All righty.
TRAVIS: And then I say, you were supposed to be
the only lipless one. And I soccer ball the shit
out of those dimes between his legs.
(laughter)
TRAVIS: Nice! 25.
MATT: 25, that definitely hits.
TRAVIS: That is seven.
MATT: All righty. (whack) With another screeching
(howls in pain) your foot immediately cracks
right. You've now repeatedly pummeled him into his
man-bits, and you can see there is a dark stain in
his trousers when you pull your foot back. You've
definitely drawn blood in his nether regions.
LAURA: Oh, Kord. That is painful.
TRAVIS: Is he still standing? Is he bent over?
MATT: He's standing partially bent forward,
clutching towards the severe pain in his nether
regions.
TRAVIS: What? Did you lose something? No? You'll
lose it now. And I do it again.
MATT: All right.
TRAVIS: 19.
MATT: 19 just barely hits.
(cheering)
TRAVIS: Eight!
MATT: Eight. All righty.
TRAVIS: Thank you, Percy.
MATT: (whack) A third hit. This time (guttural
cry) another howl in pain. Kern reaches down and
clasps his hands once again, the same capture
maneuver he did with your fist, onto your ankle,
and you can see the face goes from pain and his
eyes flash open with a blood-seething orc rage.
Half-orc this may be; in this moment, Kern's gone
full orc.
TRAVIS: Okay.
MATT: And you can see (growls) on his turn, Kern
is going to, pulling your leg forward towards you.
You feel yourself pulled off balance, and the
momentum pull you towards him as he unleashes
another flurry of blows against you.
SAM: As he does, I shout out from the audience
using my Cutting Words.
MATT: What do you shout?
SAM: Oh, Kern, do you need some dick? Because I
gave some to your mom last night!
(laughing and jeering)
MATT: Go ahead and roll a d10, and I'll subtract
it from his attack roll.
SAM: d10?
ORION: That was a burn.
SAM: Fuck! Only three.
MATT: That's okay. So, his roll was a 21, that
brings it down to an 18. What's your armor class?
TRAVIS: It's 18.
MATT: 18, so it still hits.
(dismayed shouting)
MATT: Still, that was awesome! You can see there's
a momentary distraction as Kern glances over for a
second angrily, but still follows through with the
first hit, this one clocking you straight in the
face, sending your head back in severe pain. You
take ten points of damage. (whack) You fall
backward, the force of the blow sending you onto
your heels. Second strike comes in at a 15. I
believe that misses.
TRAVIS: Oh, that misses. Yeah, sorry.
MATT: That is-- oh, that's a natural 20. That puts
it at 12 points of damage on the third strike. As
Kern comes forward, the second punch swings over
your head as you're still reeled back. The third
one, he runs forward towards you as you're pushed
a few feet away and knees you right straight to
the solar plexus, (gasps) the impact causing the
air to escape your lungs, and for a brief moment
you're (gasping) having to pull the air back in.
It's your turn.
TRAVIS: Right.
MARISHA: So, is that-- I was just saying, if we
get another chant going--
ALL: (chanting) Grog, Grog, Grog.
MARISHA: Cover me. I cast Healing Word on Grog.
MATT: All right, I'm going to ask you to do a
sleight-of-hand check.
MARISHA: Okay. Do I get advantage because we're
all chanting together?
MATT: Nope.
ORION: What if I shot off a Prestidigitation
firework?
LAURA: Nope.
MARISHA: To help me out? Will it be a team
effort? No? All right.
MATT: Doing this now.
MARISHA: Oh, that's good, that's a 16. 18 total.
MATT: (chuckles) As you begin casting, one of the
Bastions grabs your wrist and pulls you into his
face and says, "I'm sorry, missy. Am I to
understand that you're cheating?"
MARSHA: No! That's just the language of my
people.
ORION: She's foreign.
MARISHA: Yes, I'm foreign.
MATT: Go ahead and make a deception roll. It would
be with disadvantage, but because Tiberius is
helping you, we're just gonna make it
a straight roll.
MARISHA: Deception?
MATT: Deception.
MARISHA: 11 total, because charisma.
MATT: The Bastion says, "You're coming with me."
MARISHA: Why do I always get busted?
ORION: Can I do something real quick?
MATT: Scanlan was going to act first, and then
we'll get to you.
ORION: I want to be like, excuse me, and I--
sorry.
SAM: I said, I see this happening. I go over and I
use Friends to cast--
MATT: As you're about to walk over, Tiberius puts
his hand out and goes--
ORION: No! Excuse me. And I pull out ten gold
coins. That's all I actually have because I had
ten left, (laughs) and I take those, and I give
them. I'm sorry. This has been a misunderstanding.
She's foreign, and she's royalty. Please, I'm from
Draconia. She's from-- she's a druid. I say all
this shit really quick, and I'm like, I'm so, so
sorry.
MARISHA: I worship the ever-loving unicorn,
Rainbow Fluffers.
MATT: Make a deception check with disadvantage,
because he's already pissed off with this.
ORION: What was it? Deception?
MARISHA: He rolled a 12 and a 13.
ORION: Deception? So that's 22 and 21.
MATT: Okay. The Bastion glares at you, looks over
at one of the nearby Bastions. You see two
manacles clank down on your wrists. Another
Bastion to your left and the Bastion that's
holding you both says, "Apparently, she's got
people helping her out. Come on. We're dragging
"her off." You both are being pulled away
ORION: As they do that, I'm like, you said
dragon!
MATT: You guys are being dragged away from the
Crucible. Grog.
TRAVIS: It's my turn?
MATT: It is your turn.
TRAVIS: I come back from that knee to the solar
plexus.
MARISHA: Right, guys, have fun! Root for Grog for
us!
TRAVIS: I reach out and grab the back of his head,
and I drive my elbow straight into his chin.
MATT: Go for it.
TRAVIS: 25?
MATT: 25 does hit.
TRAVIS: Yes! Eight.
MATT: All righty.
TRAVIS: As it carries through, I'd like to come
back with a back elbow, same spot. Boom.
MATT: All righty. Roll for an attack on that.
TRAVIS: 16.
MATT: No. (whoosh) Parries it to the side after
the first impact sets his jaw off to the side
again. (crack) Snaps it back into place.
TRAVIS: Last one?
MATT: Last one.
TRAVIS: Since I'm standing and I probably whiffed,
I see that knee that I've been working on, and I
throw my heel out and try and pop it in.
MATT: Okay.
TRAVIS: Yes! 27.
MATT: 27 does hit. Go ahead and roll damage.
TRAVIS: Eight.
MATT: Eight. All right. You go forward and (pop)
your foot finds the side of the knee, and the knee
this time buckles under the weight (cracking) off
to the side. Kern falls onto one knee, puts both
hands out on the ground, and (coughing) coughs up
this sputtering puddle of blood that then spills
out on the ground. Kern looks like that blow is
about to knock Kern over to the side, but Kern
sits there and tenses his muscles. His head whips
up at you, and that orcish glare, that sheer focus
of fury that you saw once before, is holding him
on the edge. Kern looks up at you.
"No, this is my town!" (roars)
and leaps up at you with a flurry
of an extremely desperate half-orc. First strike
comes at you. That is a 22 to hit.
TRAVIS: Hits.
MATT: That is a 27 to hit.
TRAVIS: Hits.
MATT: And natural 20.
(groaning)
MATT: First strike is ten points of damage.
TRAVIS: Ten points. Okay.
MATT: Next one is eight points of damage.
TRAVIS: Okay.
MATT: Last one which is eight, six, 14 points of
damage.
TRAVIS: Right, okay.
MATT: What are you at?
TRAVIS: So that puts me at negative 13. I use my
Relentless Rage.
SAM: Oh! What is that?
TALIESIN: Our little boy's growing up!
MATT: So Grog is put in the negative as the orc
has pummeled you, and you feel (doosh, doosh), and
with a final resounding crack, the knee comes up,
slamming you into your chin. You feel your body
begin to fade. Your vision begin to dull to black.
SAM: I just won 100 gold!
MATT: At that point, you feel that seething anger, that
rage, that medallion that was given to you, the
section of lip that is now missing from your face.
Let me go and see what this is. Relentless Rage.
ORION: For Philip! No, it's Grog now. I'm not
there; I'm arrested.
MATT: All right, make a constitution saving throw
right now.
TRAVIS: 21.
MATT: 21. You instead drop to one hit point.
TRAVIS: One hit point.
MATT: All of a sudden, the rage pulls you through,
and your whole body (whipping noise) snaps up into
place again, and you can see Kern before you has
this grin on his face that he's just watched
victory come to him, and then it's torn away. His
eyes open and that half-orcish rage suddenly fades
for a second as you see, for the first time, deep
fear take the heart of your combatant.
Take your turn.
TRAVIS: I look at my arms, I look at him, I spit
blood into the sand, and I say, well, well. Where
have I seen this happen before? Time's up. And I
run forward and in a massive arcing uppercut, I
drive my fist under his jaw with everything I
have.
MATT: Go ahead and roll for damage.
TRAVIS: Oh, damage?
MATT: Roll for attack.
TRAVIS: Okay. Oh, shit. 18?
MATT: 18? As you rush forward he, through the
fear, still brings his hand up and slaps the first
hit out of the way. Second attack.
TRAVIS: I look down and I say, (sighs) Very well,
respect. And I take my elbow and
drive it into his temple.
MATT: Roll for second attack.
TRAVIS: 15.
MATT: 15. The second one, brings back and parries
it to the side. (heavy breathing)
LAURA: I lift up my shirt and I say, I love you,
Grog!
SAM: Oh my god, it's her tits! It's her tits!
MATT: Through the fury of your rage--
SAM: She just showed her tits. That's inspiring!
MATT: In this moment, if that were to distract
Grog, I'm afraid Grog would drop his rage.
TRAVIS: (laughing) Don't, no.
LAURA: Never mind! I put my shirt back on.
MATT: However, the entire other side of the
Crucible right now is going (gasps, cheers) they
all burst into cheers. Vax, by the way, is
standing behind you and going, "Sister!" and is
pulling your shirt down for you, and is
desperately trying--
LAURA: 600 gold!
TRAVIS: I've missed the uppercut.
MATT: Missed the elbow.
TRAVIS: Missed the elbow.
SAM: Can I sing from the audience?
MATT: At this, not right now.
SAM: It's all this roll.
MATT: It's the middle of his turn.
TRAVIS: I take both of my fists up over my head,
and I just bring it down.
MATT: All right. Roll for it.
TRAVIS: 13.
MATT: 13. Kern simply slaps it out of your way,
and you can see the fear begin to fade, and for a
second, looks at you and sees, truly, how close on
the edge you are. "Oh, you've proven yourself this
"day, but there is only one champion of the
Crucible." You're up, Scanlan.
SAM: Yeah, so I was going sing to him to inspire.
I guess I can still try.
MATT: Yeah, go for it, what do you want to sing?
SAM: I sing, (singing) with your arms, and your
fists, and your legs, and your wrists, it's in
your head--
ALL: (singing) In your head, you are fighting.
SAM: That's all I got.
MATT: d10 inspiration die to you, Grog, in this
pinnacle moment, so hold on to that d10.
TRAVIS: Okay.
MATT: All right. Kern, now intensely scared, is
using his action to go into his dodge maneuver.
He's on the edge. You can see, one eye is swollen
shut and he (deep breath) goes into the stance to
defend himself. However, as his bonus action, all
of a sudden takes two steps forward and almost
Bruce Lee one-inch (whipping noise) punches to
your torso. That is nine plus eight. 17.
TRAVIS: Misses.
MATT: Misses. Goes to punch; however, the short
distance, while the speed is extreme, misjudged
the distance and it stops an inch before your
chest. You look down, and it's barely stopping
before it finds your chest. Looks up at you. "Come
at me."
MARISHA: He just come-at-me-bro'd you!
SAM: Is he in defense now?
MATT: He's in dodge mode, yeah.
SAM: He's in dodge, so it's at disadvantage?
MATT: So all of your attacks are at disadvantage.
TRAVIS: I want to leap at him and try and grab him
around the waist.
LAURA: Oh my god. Just hit him.
MARISHA: Take him down!
TRAVIS: I get three-- no.
SAM: Just hit him!
MATT: Do what you want, Grog. Do what you want.
What are you doing?
TRAVIS: All right, fine, fuck it. With desperation
that this might fall away, I throw my goliath fist
at him.
MATT: All right, so first punch (grunts), with
disadvantage.
TRAVIS: 19. Nine. 17.
ORION: Plus ten!
TRAVIS: 22!
MATT: 22! (whoosh) Roll damage.
TRAVIS: Eight!
MATT: How do you want to do this?
(cheering)
MATT: (laughs) RIP ears, everyone.
Clutch Scanlan inspiration. Grog, how do you want
to do this?
TRAVIS: (chuckles) As the fist connects and he
starts to wobble, I reach over. I stand above him
and grab around his waist with his back facing
towards me. I lift him up over my head so that his
head gets to come up and look at the crowd one
last time before sending him straight back onto
his shoulder blades and neck and smashing him into
the earth!
MATT: (smash) With a resounding slam, Kern's body
impacts into the stone floor of the Crucible, a
cloud of dirt and dust (whoosh) around. Rocks
break off and tumble down the side of the walls of
the Crucible as the crowd has to stop themselves
from falling in from the sheer impact of the
tremor that you've left slamming Kern. You can see
everyone fall silent; the crowd's cheers all come
to a sudden halt. The dust settles. You can see
nothing at the base of the Crucible. As the cloud
slowly comes to rest, you see there, broken and
laid out on the ground is an unconscious,
bloodied, and ruined Kern, as Grog steps forward,
head hunched beneath his billowing shoulders,
fists clenched in anger, victorious in the center
of the Crucible.
TRAVIS: I put my foot on his chest and do my best
King Kong. (yells)
MATT: At which point, the crowd raises into
shouting cheers, claps--
LAURA: Did I show my boobs?!
SAM: No.
TALIESIN: None of us remember that. At all.
MATT: The bookie screams out, "We have now a new
champion of the Crucible! Not Philip, but Grog,
"the Victorious!" Cheers and shouts, and you hear
loud boos, even curses shouted. You see people
shouting off, throwing empty coin purses off to
the side, different language-- it's a whole
cacophony of cheers and curses, and then all of
them fall suddenly quiet. The whole crowd turns
over to the edge of the Crucible. You see standing
over-- let me bring this down here for a moment of
tension-- standing over to the edge, a hood is
thrown back on a figure that's been watching the
entire fight. You notice this figure, as the hood
is thrown back: an older human man in his mid- to
late-sixties with tough reddish tanned skin.
Short, but stocky. Receding gray hairline with a
long, coarse gray beard that tumbles to his belt
line. He wears what looks like ceremonial robes of
red and gold, simple wooden sandals, and a dark
brown necklace of large, two-inch round beads that
adorn the shoulders and neck area. His body is
stout and ripped as muscle, trained over a
lifetime of martial prowess and careful honing.
His arms are crossed as he looks down at the
Crucible, down at you, Grog. Gives a nod and a
smile. Turns around and walks away from the crowd,
quietly, as everyone silently takes in this
momentary experience. A few seconds pass, and then
the crowd continues cheering once again.
(cheering)
MATT: The clerics now come climbing down to the
center of the Crucible to retrieve the unconscious
and bleeding-out body of Kern, administering Heals
immediately to make sure he doesn't actually slip
away from everyone.
TRAVIS: I run over and grab my lip and pick it up
and go, just between you and me, is there anything
we can do with this?
(laughter)
MATT: One of the clerics looks up for a second.
"Hold it there for a moment." And reaches out and
administers a 5th-level Cure Wounds. He's making a
medicine check to see how-- well, that's a 16. You
go ahead and heal-- that's shitty rolls-- ten. I
should've just rolled that one there. You heal 22
hit points, but you feel your lip fuse, and while
it might leave a very small scar, it is in one
piece. You might want to be careful about spitting
or anything too heavy with it for the next few
days for fear of jettisoning it from the front of
your face accidentally.
TRAVIS: Right, or growing a beard on it-- oh,
that's already on my chin.
TALIESIN: If you grow enough beard, you can knit
it together to hold it in place.
TRAVIS: I'm actually sweating.
LAURA: Yeah. I am, too.
MATT: You make your way up the rope ladder to the
top of the Crucible as the crowd-- some folks come
up and cheer and grab your hand and shake it.
"Thank you. I believed you'd do this. Kern's been
"sent in there too long. It's about time he got
taken down." (laughs) And he gets pushed out of
the way by another person, a young guy, 16: scrawny
but excited, "You're my new hero. Oh my god. Oh,
"Grog. Where did you learn to train? Can I train
with you?"
TRAVIS: Grog's not here right now. This is Philip.
If you'd like to leave a message, come back another time.
Got to go, bye! And I walk away. I find
Scanlan in the crowd, and I reach out and shake
his hand.
SAM: Ow!
TRAVIS: Sorry, little bit of ongoing rage.
TALIESIN: Scanlan, are you all right? You look a
little poorer, somehow. Have you lost money? You
look like you've lost money. Especially in the
face.
SAM: Well, it was worth it.
TRAVIS: I heard your voices cutting through the
crowd. Where are Tiberius and Keyleth?
ORION: Grog, we got arrested while you were
fighting, just so you know.
MATT: You guys, by the way, right now are
currently brought to a small holding facility not
far from the Crucible, where you've been set down
on a bench, both manacled and left while the one
Bastion that originally found you is currently
keeping watch.
TRAVIS: Outside?
MATT: Out of vision of you guys. You don't see;
they're just missing.
SAM: Grog, before we go deal with our friends, if
I may: That man fought a brave fight. I feel you
should go make amends with him, it was a
respectable battle. You won't feel good about
yourself unless you do.
MATT: At which point, the bookie hands a sack of
gold right into your hand.
"Well fought, new champion!" And hands it to you.
TRAVIS: Fuck that shit. (laughs) I was about to,
but chaotic neutral, sorry!
(laughter)
ORION: Never mind.
TRAVIS: I was ready.
TALIESIN: And that, kids, is chaotic neutral.
MATT: At three to one odds, that sack of gold you
get back contains 5,452 gold pieces.
LAURA: You know what's so great about that, Grog?
You said you were going to pay back the gold you
lost me in the first fight.
TRAVIS: I did. And I pay it back happily as I look
at her dragon eyes of money hoarding.
MATT: Okay. You go ahead and work out that payback to
her.
LAURA: All right!
ORION: I'm going to use the earring real quick
again. Whenever you're free, Grog.
TRAVIS: And handing money to Vex has sobered me up
a little bit. I do walk over to Kern the Hammer
and extend a hand and say, well fought, brother.
MATT: His arms are currently draped over two of
the clerics that have pulled him out of the
Crucible, face broken, blood streaked down one
side of his face. Is stepping with one foot,
dragging the toes of the other. (grunts) Is
brought to turn around to face you by the two
clerics and looks at you as you extend your hand.
Looks over at you. One eye swollen shut, the other
glaring at you, bloodshot and angry. You see the
teeth are gritted and grinding beneath his
still-busted, missing upper lip. (snarls, laughs)
"Well fought, goliath." And he (groans) brings one
hand around one of the clerics and takes you in a
Beastmaster--
TRAVIS: Yes! Strength and honor!
MATT: However, there is no strength left. It's
barely there. He takes his hand back and it hangs
loosely to one side, and he looks at you and says,
"I'm proud to have finally found my match. When I
"recover, I'm going to find you, and I'm going to
want that championship back!"
TRAVIS: When the time comes for a rematch, I'll be
here.
MATT: "Good. Where can I find you, Grog?"
TRAVIS: (quietly) Oh shit.
SAM: Yeah, yeah. Just tell him.
TRAVIS: If I'm not here at the Crucible, because I
don't think you need an audience for glory, you
can always find me in Emon at Castle Greyskull.
LAURA: Greyskull Keep!
TRAVIS: Greyskull Keep!
SAM: It's a real place.
LAURA: Good luck with your dick, by the way. Sorry
about that.
MATT: He looks over at you, (groans) and you see
for a minute he had forgotten about that in this
exchange of honor, and some of the pain resurges,
and (moans) starts whimpering, (coughs up spit)
spits off to the side this giant bloody loogie
that slaps on one of the sides of the cleric who's
like, "Ugh!" Starts wiping it from the outside of
his tunic.
Looks back at you. "Greyskull. So be it. Ow." And
hobbles away through a series of painful whimpers
and whines. Percy, the bookie collects you. You
bet 500 at a three to one; that is four times
return. You make 2,000 gold.
TALIESIN: Beautiful!
MARISHA: I've made 20 gold.
MATT: You haven't made anything yet. You're
arrested.
MARISHA: I'm arrested.
MATT: 2,400 to you, Vex.
LAURA: Fuck yeah!
SAM: I'm here to collect my winnings, please.
MATT: The Bastion laughs. "Then you would owe
me 300 gold."
SAM: No, I bet on Grog, if you remember
correctly.
MATT: "No, I have it here in my ledger that you
bet against your friend Grog."
LAURA: Oh, he would never do that. I believe you
are mistaken, actually.
SAM: There must be a typo. I bet on Grog. Don't
you remember?
MATT: Are you casting something?
SAM: Nope, I'm just doing this.
MATT: Go ahead and make a deception roll.
LAURA: Can I back him up?
SAM: Nope.
MATT: What did you roll?
SAM: Two. Well, wait. What is this, deception or
persuasion? What is this?
LAURA: Deception. Oh, that's so high!
MATT: Deception.
SAM: Yeah, it's 15. No, it's not good, no.
MATT: He gives you a look and goes, "No, you did
not."
SAM: I've got to work on this.
MATT: And he whips around and takes his cloak
around, dismissing you, taking you out of the
conversation, and walks back towards the Bellows'
Respite Inn.
ORION: Can I now use the damn earring? Okay. Grog,
(stutters) could you use your clout to get us out
of holding?
TRAVIS: What? You're in holding? Yeah, I'm sure.
I'm a pretty big deal.
LAURA: What's going on? You were arrested? Why?
ORION: Because Keyleth tried to do something, and
I tried to talk her out of it and it didn't work
out, and we're now in holding. It's
fine.
MARISHA: Oh, bullshit, you tried to talk me out of
it.
LAURA: You tried to talk out what?
ORION: I mean, I tried to help her out.
TRAVIS: Tiberius, what can you see around you?
ORION: A guard looking at me.
LAURA: Can I track them?
MATT: Make a survival check.
TALIESIN: If someone were to be an idiot, where
would you take them to hold them?
LAURA: 16.
MATT: Because you know their tracks, their
footprints-- I would put it at a disadvantage, but
that would cancel it out. At a 16, you
look around. You can see there is a track of two
people with their feet being dragged behind two
heavy footprints by heavily armored individuals
that lead. There are three buildings off to the side
and there is what looks to be a small station for
holding, a general Bastion satellite station
within this portion of the Braving Grounds.
LAURA: Can we go over and knock?
MATT: You knock. A few seconds pass and the door
slides open a little bit, and from the inside, you
can see a partially scarred on one cheek, late
thirties, early forties gentleman who looks
square-jawed and definitely trained in some
semblance of looking gruff and angry and says,
"Can I help you?"
LAURA: Hi, yes. I'm looking for-- (sighs) I'm
looking for a couple of people. They're actually
mental patients, and they've gotten loose.
ORION: Vex! Here we are!
LAURA: Oh! That's them, I'm afraid.
MATT: "These two cheaters over here? These are the
ones you're looking for?"
LAURA: Cheaters? Well, that makes sense. They
don't understand normal social rules.
ORION: I'm from Draconia!
MARISHA: And I'm also... not from here.
LAURA: You see what I'm talking about?
MATT: Go ahead and make a deception check.
ORION: Just say where you're from. That's easy.
MARISHA: Zephra. But they don't know what that
means.
ORION: I'm sure they don't know what Draconia is,
but I like to spread the word.
LAURA: 24.
MATT: 24. Okay. He gives you a look and says,
"Well, look. We have reason to believe they may
"have been trying to fix and/or rig the bets on the
recent bout out here in the Crucible. That is a very
"serious offense here in the Braving Grounds."
LAURA: I can imagine it would be, yes.
MATT: "However, I don't want to deal with the
processing and the time it takes, so if these are
"indeed your charges and you're willing to fill out
some paperwork and pay the fines right now, we'll
"relinquish them to you."
SAM: Well, what's the fine? How much was the
fine?
MATT: Who are you?
LAURA: Oh, he's my lawyer.
SAM: I'm Burt Reynolds, esquire. I'm an attorney
at large. I represent all manner of escaped
mental patients. (laughs)
MATT: Make a deception check.
TRAVIS: The mustache is up.
SAM: 20.
MATT: "Very well, small Reynolds, sir."
SAM: If you would like us to fill out the
paperwork. I have about two reams of paperwork for
you to fill out, to release them to us, as
well. And also there will be court costs involved,
oh boy, in triplicate. You'll have to get your
supervisor to fill out this one, and I will need
this one, and I will need this one, as well--
MATT: "500 gold's fine, and we'll release them to
you. All right? Is that fine?"
SAM: Oh, 500 gold. That's fine. And they'll still
get to collect their winnings from the pit?
MATT: "I don't care what they're going to do, just
take them from me!"
SAM: Great, thank you sir. You know what, I can
make this paperwork disappear. This is fine.
LAURA: Actually, for a small-- never mind.
TALIESIN: Just let it go.
LAURA: I noped myself on that one. Here you are,
500 gold.
MATT: He collects it and ushers over the other
Bastion, who comes over and takes off your
manacles and escorts you to the door and says,
"However, if I see either of you two causing any
"trouble anywhere in Vasselheim, it's down to the
oubliette you go, you hear me?"
SAM: Say that word again? What? Oubliette?
MATT: "The Amaranthine oub-lie-blah-bloo. What is wrong
with me? Get out of here! Run!"
(laughter)
SAM: You've been bested. (laughs)
MATT: You've out-talked the talker as the guard
finds himself so flustered by the frustration and
anger that he's been caused by this entire strange
arrival of individuals, his speech pattern has
been muddled, and in frustration shoves both of
you out the front door and slams it behind you.
ORION: As I leave, he's speaking Draconian!
SAM: I think he's having an aneurysm.
ORION: He's speaking Draconian! I heard him.
LAURA: You guys! What were you trying to do? Cast
magic?
ORION: She casted heal and I tried to talk her out
of it, and I just got arrested, too.
SAM: Thank goodness you are being represented by
an Ace Attorney.
ORION: Hold it!
LAURA: He won! Let's go get your winnings, because
I think that should cover the amount I just spent
on getting you out of jail.
MARISHA: Yes! I'm owed 20 gold!
TRAVIS: Tiberius, thank you for your efforts. You,
as well, Keyleth.
MARISHA: Oh, I'm so happy you won, Grog.
TRAVIS: Thank you.
MARISHA: So happy.
TRAVIS: I'm the champion.
MARISHA: I wish I could've seen, because
I was eating my binder out of stress.
MATT: As you guys make your way back to the
Bellows' Respite Inn, you manage to find the one
Bastion who acts as the bookie, who is currently
halfway through a very heavy pint and chatting
with one of his friends, and you can hear there are
stories now. People are retelling the tale of the
battle in the Cauldron of the rise of Grog the
Victorious.
ORION: When we're released, I would like 
to get my winnings back.
MATT: That's where you guys are going: to the
bookie who keeps them.
TRAVIS: Are we in the tavern?
MARISHA: Hey, Grog! They're talking about you.
MATT: You guys are now in the Bellows' Respite,
yes.
TRAVIS: Are there any small lads running about or
maybe excited to see me or something?
MATT: As you guys enter the tavern, there is a
sudden bit of whispered quiet. "Shh! There he is!"
And all the tales fall to an end and the place
falls quiet as everyone stares at you as you
enter. (heavy footstep sounds) Stepping in.
TRAVIS: Are there any younger men that are--
MATT: (shushing noises) There are maybe two men
looking like late teens to early twenties
who saw the fight and are currently like wide
doe-eyed, seeing a hero before them.
TRAVIS: I walk over to one of them and I pull out
a gold coin and I say, how would you like to make
a gold coin, son?
TALIESIN: Oh boy.
TRAVIS: Wait!
MATT: "From you, Grog the Victorious? Of course!
What can I do?"
TRAVIS: I reach into the Bag of Holding. I take
out the second-place medal, the participant medal,
and I go, make sure Kern gets this.
(laughter)
MATT: He reads it. (chuckles) "Yes. Yes, indeed.
Of course." And he runs off.
TRAVIS: You sick fucks!
(laughter)
SAM: Well, I mean, come on. You came into a bar
looking for young boys.
What was I supposed to think?
MARISHA: We're together now. We're not arrested
anymore. You don't have to keep doing this. All
right! To Grog the Victorious!
ALL: To Grog!
MATT: The bookie gives you your coin purse of 20
gold.
MARISHA: You guys, this really makes gambling so
much fun.
SAM: Don't make a habit of it.
MATT: Tiberius, you get your coin purse of 2,448.
ORION: Great, wonderful.
TALIESIN: But you owe--
ORION: No, she's paying for that.
LAURA and TALIESIN: She's got 20 gold.
ORION: She had other gold.
MARISHA: I bought a nice meal for you the other
night.
LAURA: That's true. She bought a couple of nice
meals for you.
ORION: Oh, shit! That's right. I'll pay you.
SAM: I lost 100 gold.
ORION: What was it? 24?
MATT: 2,448 was the number.
LAURA: So I guess I broke even.
TALIESIN: You still netted a profit.
MATT: If you want to take the 500 from that,
(mutters quietly) minus 500... 1,948.
SAM: That fight was amazing.
MARISHA: That was fantastic.
MATT: I was going to say, as you guys celebrate
with a joyous drink of ale here at the Bellows'
Respite Inn to celebrate the victory of not
Philip, but Grog the Victorious in the Cauldron
here in the Braving Grounds of Vasselheim in the
northwestern region of the countryside, we will go
and take a quick restroom break, return here in
about five minutes. See you guys here shortly.
TRAVIS: Yeah!
[break]
MATT: Welcome back, guys. Welcome back! We are
returning as the party has finished their
celebration, drinking hard through the afternoon,
celebrating Grog's victory at the Crucible.
LIAM: Was that amazing, or was that amazing? I've
never seen anything like that, at all! Cheers to
you, big man.
TRAVIS: Thanks, bud.
SAM: L'chaim!
MARISHA and LAURA: Cheers!
ORION: I raise my glass of water and cheers, as
well.
TRAVIS: Thank you, Tiberius.
MATT: Y'all enjoy our applesauce.
TRAVIS: Or glass of water.
MATT: Apple juice.
LAURA: Good apple juice.
MATT: Very good apple juice.
TALIESIN: Be gentle with that. Apples don't grow
on trees.
LIAM: This episode of Critical Role brought to you
by Mott's!
MATT: Mott's Irish apple juice. All right! With
that bit of business with the Crucible currently
taken care of, the rest of your path is your own.
What do you wish to do?
LAURA: (stuttering) Money? Kraghammer?
TALIESIN: Emon by way of Kraghammer.
MARISHA: Is there anything else we want to do
while we're here?
ORION: No!
MARISHA: Are we over this town? Over this city?
TALIESIN: I just need to pick up a little bit of
ore on the way out so I can work on making some
more ammunition on the way to Kraghammer.
ORION: I like that idea. We could take the airship
and you could craft some things. When we do go, I
think I might have an idea for our carpet
situation.
SAM: Oh?!
MARISHA: Really?
SAM: Your Wheel of Mending, perhaps?
ORION: No, that didn't work.
LIAM: We tried that. It didn't work.
ORION: It kept it intact. But when we return to
House Thunderbrand, I believe we have a few items
that they want. The deal was when we procure
certain items, we will be allowed to have certain
information and certain-- we didn't explain what
we were going to get. But we should return, get
our gold, and definitely visit House
Thunderbrand.
LAURA: Right. 'Cause they have magic things.
ORION: They are strongly arcane. Perhaps they can
enchant for what we have procured for them in
that venture. And maybe that could be a good way
of getting around getting our carpet re-enchanted
without costing any coin.
TALIESIN: We'll prod that.
LIAM: Can they make me unsee my sister's boobies?
LAURA: You didn't see them! You were behind me, so
shut up. What are you doing all the
way over there, anyway?
SAM: I saw them. I saw them!
ORION: Scanlan? When you describe them to me?
SAM: I will draw them in great detail.
ORION: Thank you.
MARISHA: I wasn't there, either!
LAURA: How about no?
TALIESIN: In great details of the internet. Just
saying. I went there. It was already there.
LAURA: I was caught up in a moment of passion! I'm
sorry!
TALIESIN: Too late!
SAM: She would do anything for you, Grog!
LAURA: Anything for you and for the 600 gold that
that I put on your fight.
SAM: Oh, it was for the money!
LIAM: Listen, I was right there. There was no
other way around that situation.
TALIESIN: You did what you had to.
SAM: Listen. I would show any part of me for,
like, two gold.
TRAVIS: Here's two gold.
SAM: Here, take a look at my third nipple!
LAURA: On your body?
SAM: It can be wherever I put it, really. It's
magical.
ORION: It's a piece of gum!
LIAM: I have no idea what's going on.
SAM: We're all together. That's what's going on.
MARISHA: I love this tavern.
ORION: What is closer to Kraghammer? Emon? Or
where we're from?
TALIESIN: It's halfway. I think Kraghammer is in
between us and Emon.
MATT: No. Actually, from where you guys are
currently, across the Ozmit Sea is Emon, which is
the port city in Tal'Dorei, and then Kraghammer is
maybe two days' travel.
LAURA: So we gotta stop into Emon first.
ORION: Oh, that's fine. Are we all ready to go?
MARISHA: What time is it?
MATT: By now, I'd say it's probably 1:00 in the
afternoon, since that fight's happened.
MARISHA: Y'all, we're day drunk!
ORION: Are we ready to go?
TRAVIS: We're getting ore, right?
MARISHA: We're celebrating Grog, right?
TRAVIS: Doesn't Percy want ore?
TALIESIN: It's not hard to get a little bit of
ore. I'm just going to pick up some.
ORION: After that, are we ready to go?
SAM: Well, maybe. There's two more things that I
have unanswered questions for. First of all, you
said we were going to stop on the way to get a new
carpet or to get our carpet repaired?
ORION: We need to go to Kraghammer to collect our
30,000 gold waiting for us.
LAURA: 25,000.
ORION: 25,000, sorry. While we're there, House
Thunderbrand. We've procured a few items, or at
least one, while we were down in the Underdark. We
should return there and talk to them and perhaps
in exchange for gold, perhaps have them enchant the
carpet to fly again.
SAM: That is a smart idea. That's great. Before we
leave though, does anyone have a nagging, tugging
feeling about that cloaked human who praised your
performance? Should we investigate that at all?
TRAVIS: He had a lovely beard!
SAM: Well, that makes something. Could we at least
find out who he was before we leave town?
LAURA: Oh, bartender!
MATT: At which point, you see off to the side
Once-Lucky Ned, the barkeep, looks over.
"Yes, yes? You have a question?"
LAURA: Yes. That bearded, hooded gentleman at the
end of the fight, yeah?
MATT: Thinks for a second. "Oh, you mean--"
LAURA: The one that everyone was quiet for.
MARISHA: The red and gold robes.
LAURA: What? Who? Who is he?
MATT: "You're certainly not from around here, are
you?"
LAURA: I'm not.
MATT: Looks around. "That was Earthbreaker
Groon."
SAM: Earthbaker Groon?
MATT: "Earthbreaker Groon."
ALL: Earthbreaker Groon.
TRAVIS: That's a great name!
ORION: Where does he hail from?
MATT: "He's the Dawn Marshal of the entirety of
these here Braving Grounds."
MARISHA: Dawn Marshal?
MATT: "He's the Dawn Marshal. He is the highest
esteemed cleric of the church of Kord, the Trial
"Forge itself, in the center of this city, this
portion, this district. Well, he is the very top
"of the entire hierarchy underneath Kord's strength
and watch."
LAURA: And he nodded!
MATT: "Apparently, he was summoned to watch this
fight and approved of your prowess in battle."
LAURA: What does that mean?
MATT: "I have no fucking clue!"
(laughter)
MATT: "But that's an honor is what that is, and
appreciate that yourself."
TRAVIS: Aye, and I do. If I wanted to find this
Earthbreaker Groom--
MATT: "Groon. With an N."
TRAVIS: Oh. Groon. Right. The other one's weird.
Would I find him in the
middle of the Trial Forge?
MATT: "Most likely."
MARISHA: So this guy's like the Pope of Kord?
MATT: "Pope?"
ORION: What is a Pope? It's okay. She's young.
Thank you for the information.
MARISHA: I'm foreign!
ORION: And foreign. Have a good day.
MATT: "Thank you."
TALIESIN: And has antlers on her head.
ORION: I think we should all leave.
MARISHA: I like my antlers.
TALIESIN: I like your antlers.
MARISHA: What's wrong with my antlers?
TALIESIN: There's nothing. It's just a very
reasonable reason not to take you too seriously.
ORION: Scanlan?
SAM: Yes? Yes, Tiberius, my good friend?
ORION: Are you satisfied in your knowledge you've
procured?
SAM: I'm always satisfied.
(laughter)
ORION: Wonderful!
TRAVIS: Too easy. Too easy!
ORION: Grog, I'm sure you would like to... go to a
pub of sorts?
LAURA and MARISHA: We're in a pub!
ORION: Oh, fuck!
MARISHA: We're day drunk!
SAM: That's how drunk we are!
ORION: Shit!
TALIESIN: I have a brilliant, if slightly
inebriated, thought.
ORION: I walk out of the bar.
MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: I have an even better brilliant, yet slightly
inebriated thought.
SAM: Oh, I think I saw Tiberius fall over.
MARISHA: Oh, is Tiberius puking? Oh...
LAURA: What is it, Percy?
TALIESIN: My thought is I can probably find some
of the ore I need to procure at the same time that
we find this Groon fellow, and at the very least,
you can strike up a quick conversation with him.
LAURA: Would you like me to go with you, Grog, as
your manager?
TRAVIS: I would actually like both the twins to go
with.
SAM: Grog, would you like any young boys to
accompany you?
(laughter)
TALIESIN: You can give them a medal!
TRAVIS: No.
ORION: I went back into the bar because I went to
take a piss outside.
LAURA: Let's go!
MARISHA: Wait, where're we going?
ORION: What is going on?
LAURA: You guys are recovering from your drink.
ORION: Hold on a second.
MARISHA: No!
ORION: I've had plenty of water.
TALIESIN: You're already been arrested today.
ORION: I'm fine! (slurred) Scanlan has been
ordering me water for the whole time
has been cleared.
MARISHA: That's right! I have already been
arrested today, but I did get better.
MATT: All right, so you guys are going with Percy
to procure materials for forging new ammunition?
TALIESIN: Yes.
MATT: All right, go ahead and make an
investigation check.
TALIESIN: What happened to my dice? Okay. 14.
MATT: 14, okay. It takes you roughly 30 minutes or
so. Thankfully, this region itself contains...
honestly, most of the smithing-based materials
and/or workshops they required. The difficult part
is finding black powder. It is not refined in this
region. It's usually considered almost a byproduct
of some of the mining and smelting, and it's very
rare to find. Eventually, you find one smithy that
gathers it. You're not entirely certain why. And
after you give people a couple of examples of the
smell of it and what to look for, people send you
in this one direction. And you're sent to this one
small hovel that is attached to the very base of
the mountain that overlooks the entirety of the
city, on the far northwestern edge of the Braving
Grounds. You come to the door, and it's a very
simple, slovenly-kept house. The wood itself is a
little warped from the weather; it hasn't kept
well, and there's a musty smell of mildew from the
outside of the building. But you see a slight glow
between the cracks. Apparently, there is some sort
of interior light.
TALIESIN: Hello?
MATT: "Yes?"
TALIESIN: Charming. My name is Percival
Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski De Rolo III.
SAM: Huzzah!
TALIESIN: Thank you. I was sent here in terms to
hopefully negotiate the purchase of some black
powder? I heard--
MATT: The door slams open at this point,
mid-sentence, and you see from around the corner a
very lithe, crooked-looking man. Quite elderly,
but very spry for his size. You see his arms and
legs are very lanky and almost spider-like in the
way they move and shift as he peeks out. And you
can see he has spectacles of two different sizes
and thicknesses around each eye. His hair is
frazzled and gray and white, and he goes, "Yes?!
You said you need black powder? Yes, yes, come in,
"come in!" And he runs back into the hovel.
TALIESIN: I gingerly enter.
MATT: As you step inside, the scent hits you
immediately, and you realize this place is
probably filled with black powder. And the last
thing anyone wants is to set off any sort of
flame. This would be a very bad idea. And as you
look around, your eyes adjust to the low-lit
interior. You realize it's low-lit because there
are two very, very faintly set magical torch
sconces on each side that are very, very low
light.
LAURA: Very similar to the ones surrounding you.
MATT: Kind of like these, but even smaller! And
you can see in the room, there is a small forge
that's in disuse to the far end.
TALIESIN: I would hope so!
MATT: There are a large, large, large number of
crates and barrels that all seem to be containing
various parts of discarded gravel. Basically,
whatever is shoved off of any mining expedition
goes to him and he just shuffles through it and
separates in different pieces. And there's barrels
full of sulfur, barrels full of what looks like
broken onyx or broken quartz, and they've all been
separated. And you can see now this is his OCD
collection. And there is, indeed, at the far end
what looks to be a barrel that contains a large
amount of black powder that is just everywhere.
It's like this very fine coat of powder that is
encompassing this entire room. And as he turns
around, you can see now his hands themselves are
black and coated in it. And he goes, "So! You came
"looking for black powder, did you? No one asks
about the black powder, but I knew it had a
"purpose! Yes! You wish to buy it?! How much do you
want?"
(giggling)
MATT: (pants heavily) "Speak up! Speak up, I
haven't all day!"
TALIESIN: How much for a barrel or a hogshead's
worth?
MATT: "For the barrel? The barrel, that'll run
you... (mutters) 4,623 gold pieces for the barrel.
"However, for the hogshead--" You can see now the
spittle dribbling down his chin.
TALIESIN: I can! It's as if I can see the spittle
myself!
MATT: Yes, indeed! "But! For the hogshead, which--
ooh!" And he turns around and shuffles through a
bunch of pieces of burlap and sacks and pulls out
what looks to be an actual dried and hollowed-out
hog's head. "To fill this? To fill this hog's head
with it? This'll only cost you 426 gold pieces.
"Yes?"
TALIESIN: How about 400 even, and you can direct
me to some ore, as well?
MATT: "Ore? I do not work in ore."
TALIESIN: I thought you might have a friend.
MATT: Make a persuasion roll.
TRAVIS: Nice, Percy.
LIAM: Look at that, he slipped right into Mercer
there.
SAM: No, that's the other character.
TALIESIN: I love Percy. 25.
MATT: 25.
TALIESIN: I'm sure you have a friend. You must.
You seem so amiable.
MATT: "400! 400 and I send you to Samson! Yes? You
take?"
TALIESIN: My good sir, you have a deal!
MATT: "Glorious!" He turns around and jams the hog
head into the barrel of black powder, picks it up.
(poof) The soot settles against you and the rest
of you guys as you now find yourself partially
covered in this slowly dissipating cloud of black
powder. (coughs) You cough instinctively and
push it away. "Yes. 400 gold. You pay?"
TALIESIN: I gingerly put the purse down in front
of me.
MATT: He takes it. With a whisk, it's already put
away into a side pouch, and you hear the clanging
of haphazard coins in his far pocket. "Here! Hog
head! Take it! (grunts) To Samson! This way!" And
he grabs your arm and drags you out of his hovel.
He points across the way with his shaking, crooked
finger. "Samson! There! In the brick building!
Tell him Victor sent you. He'll give you ore!"
TALIESIN: Thank you for all of your help. You've
been so kind.
MATT: "My pleasure. You want more powder, come
back. Yes, yes?!"
TALIESIN: I might do that.
MATT: "Good! Goodbye!" And pushes you out, takes
both of you by the arms and pushes you out, slams
the door behind, and you are left standing there,
half-covered in blackened soot and black powder,
in the center of the thoroughfare, midday, stunned
by the whole encounter.
TRAVIS: I mean, come on, come the fuck on!
SAM: Amazing. Matt's crazy prospector character.
TALIESIN: I'm going to walk over to Samson's place
and become very excited at the
prospect of a new accent.
LIAM: 6.2, 6.4, 6.5.
TALIESIN: 4.3 from the Russian judge.
MATT: Yeah, you walk to the distant brick
building. The bricks themselves are made of a
hardened, grayish clay material that's been made
in the basic construction of this. The roof itself
is a solid slab of stone. There is no pretty or
elegant aspect of its construction. It's merely
built here for purpose. The door is partially
ajar, and as you peek in you can see there is a
very active forge. There is a heat emanating from
the interior, and you can see there is a man who
is currently hammering something away at what
looks like an anvil set outside in front of it.
(metal clanging)
"Yes?"
TALIESIN: Mr. Samson?
MATT: "Yes?"
TALIESIN: The strange fellow down the road sent me
to you. He said you might have some ore?
MATT: (heavy sigh) The head sinks into the
shoulders with a sigh. "All right. If you dealt
"with that crazy old coot, at the very least I can
offer you a brief conversation. Hold on just a
"second!" (grunts) And you see he takes this visor
off the front of his face and sets it down and
removes these big leather gloves and this leather
apron of sorts and puts it to the side, and he
wipes his brow as he steps over. And you can see
him now. He's a man in his late twenties.
Muscle-bound, a little thick around the waist,
barrel-chested. A little bit of scruff on his
chin, but nothing beyond not having time for
upkeep and focused on his work. He steps up. "So
"what did the old coot tell you, anyway?"
TALIESIN: He said you might have some raw ore for
sale that I might purchase. You'll excuse me if I
don't come in; I'm covered in explosive powder.
MATT: "No, please. Stay there. For the love of
Kord, stay on that doorstep. Do not step into my
"abode, please."
TALIESIN: Of course.
MATT: "Please."
TALIESIN: No. Yes.
MATT: "Please. All right. What ore are you
interested in?"
TALIESIN: Just some iron ore. Actually, I have a
little invention which sends projectiles
at great speed.
MATT: "That sounds fascinating. I have ore for
sale. Raw ore-- would you like ingots? I prepare
"ingots. They're a little more expensive, but
they're proper and ready for any sort of use as
"blacksmithing materials."
TALIESIN: Ingots would be preferable, yes.
MATT: "All right, how many are you looking for?
Five, ten, 20?"
TALIESIN: What could you give me for approximately
a thousand gold's worth?
MATT: He gives you an arched eyebrow in surprise.
"I mean, I only have about 200 pounds of iron
"ingots at the ready."
TALIESIN: I certainly can't carry that much with
me right now.
Let's say about a hundred pounds' worth?
MATT: "A hundred pounds of iron ingots. I could
sell it to you. Let's set the price at about 400
"gold pieces."
LAURA: Ugh, haggle him down. I'm not there.
LIAM: But in the back of his head, he hears
your voice. We all do, at this point.
TALIESIN: Let's say 350 gold, and I promise to
always shower twice before entering your home for
my next purchase.
MATT: Make a persuasion roll.
TALIESIN: All right.
SAM: Pointless haggle. I love it. Best part of
the show.
MARISHA: I wish I were Percy.
TALIESIN: 24.
MATT: 24? He goes, "You drive a hard bargain.
However, underneath all that soot, I can see you
"dress well, at the very least. A bit tattered
around the edges... I'd like future business, so
"350 and take the ingots, and please do shower next
time."
TALIESIN: Of course. You are a gentleman, and
apparently a worthy smith, as well. I do bid you
good day, then.
MATT: "I've already completed the transaction.
Flattery is not required." He reaches over and
settles into a large, triple-bagged sack of
ingots. He gets partway through and goes, "Nah,
"this is cart-worthy." He sets it up on a small
cart and brings it over to you. And it's a small,
wheeled wooden cart. It looks really rickety and
probably about to collapse, but he does not charge
you for it. It can be hand-carried if need be.
TALIESIN: Good man, I will see you when my need
arises again.
MATT: "I look forward to it. Remember: bathed!"
TALIESIN: Very bathed. In fact, quite bathed.
MATT: "Seriously. Bathed. Please. All right, we're
good. Thank you." And he closes the door. All
right. You guys?
TRAVIS: We're going to see Earthbreaker...
SAM and LAURA: Earthbreaker Groon!
MATT: All right. Make your way to the outskirts of
the Trial Forge.
ORION: We know who he is. Do we need to pursue
this guy?
LAURA: Just to talk to him, because he likes
Grog.
MARISHA: I mean, we can stay and keep getting
day-drunk.
SAM: Why don't you just go get arrested again?
MARISHA: Hey, that hurts, Scanlan.
TALIESIN: I'm going to come back and join you.
ORION: I'm going to do a daily roll for my pet
because I'm going to try to teach a trick, and I
rolled a 15.
MATT: Okay. Trying to teach it a trick?
ORION: Yeah. At the end of the-- does it just
build up points today and then try...
MATT: What kind of trick are you teaching?
ORION: To scout!
MATT: To scout for you? I'd say with a 15, yeah.
You take some time, and with a small Draconian
command, a phrase of your choice, you teach it
that on that one phrase, it will go ahead and
wander ahead for a bit and then come back and
relinquish in very broken, very basic Draconic
language into your connection with it. Very, very
basic information on what it saw.
ORION: Cool.
SAM: I'm going to throw a Lightning Bolt spell
into my Ioun Stone.
MATT: Okay, so you store that. Awesome.
ORION: Little treat.
MATT: It takes it and gobbles it down happily.
Awesome. You guys make your way to the Trial
Forge, the large temple to Kord itself. It's once
again brilliant to behold. There are steps leading
up to the front area: these giant reddish, almost
rusted-over looking iron doors that block the
front entrance. At the very top of it, you see
looming over this entire district is a gargantuan
statue of Kord himself. This giant, muscle-bound
humanoid titan of a figure, that stands there:
giant beard, muscle-bound torso, bracers against
the arms, just one knee up. This very heroic pose
and just looking over the rest of Vasselheim under
his gaze. You see at the front of these iron
doors, there are two more Bastions adorned in the
same way as the ones that oversaw the battle at the
Crucible. One shouts out, "Halt! Ye who approacheth
the Trial Forge, what is your business here?"
LAURA: Yes, we are here to pay homage to
Earthbreaker Groon with the latest
champion of the city.
MATT: "Of the city? The city claims no champion!"
LAURA: Of the Crucible. You know.
MATT: They glance at each other.
LIAM: The Earthbreaker is a fan.
MATT: (chuckles) "I highly doubt that."
ORION: Tell him it's Grog's--
MARISHA: We're not there.
LIAM: Check your facts, buddy. He likes the cut of
his jib, believe you me.
MATT: And the other one gets up to his side and
stands there, arms crossed, looking down upon you
from three large stone steps up with this look of,
"I'm looking forward to throwing these guys out."
About five minutes pass and the next one comes
back and whispers in his ear... "Very well. The
"four of you may enter briefly. But this one's only
invited to the center chamber. The rest of you
"must keep a distance. A distance."
LAURA: Oh, yeah, like what? Ten feet? Yeah?
MATT: "You'll know." He steps aside and the doors
(stone scraping) slide open. As you guys step into
the interior, the smell that hits you immediately
is that of sage and other burned herbs that are
used ceremonially to cleanse a certain landscape
of evil spirits, from a superstitious standpoint, but
also to build an atmosphere of meditation and
understanding. The one Bastion that left and came
back and whispered in his ear comes up and leans
into you guys and gives you a nod. He doesn't
actually speak to you, but he gives you a
hand gesture to follow. Leads you into the Trial
Forge and you can see now, these halls are
essentially one long hallway. It's an arch about
85 to 100 feet up. And the interior of it is built
out of a very thick, sturdy reddish stone. You
don't know if the actual stone itself is built
from a substance of this color, or itself has been
stained or colored to match the rest of the Kord
reddish aesthetic. But as you step in, your
footfalls clack against a black marble floor with
what looks like gold streaks through it, almost
like there are small veins of some sort of gold
material that has been polished within the actual
marble itself.
LAURA: Very pretty.
MATT: Gives you a nod and a smile. No words in
response. Continues to gesture forth, and as you
guys step in, you see occasionally a few other
individuals walking by with a similar gold and red
robe aesthetic that you saw Earthbreaker wearing
when he went to watch your battle in the Crucible.
However, they are generally a little more dressed
down, very simple, as opposed the expressive
designs that were billowing across the baggy
leggings that the Earthbreaker was wearing. And
the robes. As you continue forward, they all step
aside and keep a quiet watch, until you begin to
notice in the distance, there are two large
hallways that intersect. You can see most of the
Trial Forge are now two long hallways that
intersect into a center piece. And the center
place of this temple, there is a raised dais at
three different levels. And at the top of it, you
can see, there is a beam of light that comes down
from above. As you begin to walk towards the
structure, you see there is a small figure that is
currently sitting on top of this central dais. As
you approach the outskirts of this main central
chamber where the two long hallways intersect, the
quiet Bastion puts his hand out and tells the rest
of you to stop.
Gives you a look and nudges you to proceed.
SAM: Do you need us with you?
TRAVIS: What? Yeah, you know I don't like
talking.
LAURA: (whispering) He's not very good at talking.
Would you like someone to come and
translate for him?
LIAM: Is he going on his own, then?
LAURA: Is that a yes?
SAM: Good luck.
LAURA: Okay, sorry.
TRAVIS: I go forward.
MATT: As you step forward, footfalls clacking
against the material--
LIAM: I'm sorry, we've been daytime drinking, and
I hate to interrupt that, do you have a place here
if I can't--
SAM: I don't think they-- This is a temple.
LAURA: Yeah this really not the kind of--
LIAM: Are you sure?
LAURA: Yeah.
MATT: Puts his hand out.
LAURA: They don't like talking.
SAM: Oh he has some sort of vow of silence. We
should respect it and also make fun of it when
he's gone.
LIAM: Is that the end of that? It's fine.
(whispering) I've got a flask.
MATT: As Grog steps out in the central chamber,
you can hear his footfalls echoing throughout the
site, and as you look up, you can see now the
light source from above, there is what looks like
a stained-glass domed roof to the top of the
central chamber. There is a dark spot in the
center, where you can see the shadow from the
early afternoon sun is being blocked from the
giant statue of Kord that remains at the top of
this temple, who is currently, essentially, now
looking at the structure, straddling the top of
this giant domed stained glass roof, and so
underneath this statue is where the top of this
structure is, and through it, these beams of light
are coming down, multicolored and cascading onto
this central chamber. Sitting in the center, you
see, cross-legged, arms to the side, eyes closed,
there sits Earthbreaker Groon, the Dawn Marshal
himself. Quiet, as you approach.
TRAVIS: Eyes closed?
MATT: Eyes closed.
TRAVIS: I step forward and say: (coughs) Sorry to
disturb, I'm looking for Earthbreaker Groon.
MATT: You see an eyebrow twitch for a second. Eyes
remain closed, and the head turns for a second.
Hands come together like this, and in that one
motion stands to his feet, almost like it was
effortless, from what would seem like a very
uncomfortable position, suddenly is fully standing
with a swift movement. In place, rotates and turns
towards you, eyes still closed, at which point the
eyes open-- and you saw pupils previously, but in
this moment of what seems to be serious
meditation, there is this luminescent white light
that encompasses the entirety of each eye, just
looking straight towards you, the hands still
clasped in the center.
They're staring straight at you.
TRAVIS: Okay.
MATT: "You have found the Earthbreaker. What do
you ask of me?"
TRAVIS: I keep the little bit of pee that's about
to fall out from falling out, and I say: I
happened to see you amongst the crowd at my recent
tussle. It seemed that everyone there seemed to
know who you were. I wanted to at least introduce
myself.
MATT: "You are Grog the Victorious."
TRAVIS: That's right! (coughs) That's right.
MATT: "Once called Philip. Known as one of Vox
Machina, the travelling band from Emon. Slayer of
"demons that once usurped Uriel himself. I know of
your travels. I know of your deeds. What else do
"you ask of the Earthbreaker?"
TRAVIS: I don't really ask. I only mean to say
that Vox Machina is at your disposal, if you would
ever need someone outside of the amazing Braving
Grounds, Vasselheim. We're really amazing.
ORION: We know where they're at, right?
MARISHA: No.
ORION: We don't know where they're at?
TRAVIS: If you would just keep us in mind.
MATT: At this point in time, his eyelids close,
and they open again, and there's a softness that
there wasn't before. The white light has faded,
and you can now see beneath them these extremely
piercing very, very light blue, almost white
irises that surround his pupils. And from his old,
weathered, wrinkled face from underneath his
beard, you can see a smile slowly crawl across
his cheeks. His hands release and rest to his
side. He lifts his head slightly as if to look
down at you from upon this dais, not with
judgment, but with curiosity. His voice echoes and
booms through this with even but a whisper from
his throat, once again saying, "Your piety is
"accepted. Perhaps there may be a use for Kord of
you and your compatriots in the future. Should
"this day arise, you will know, and you must hurry.
Dark times are ahead. I can see the veils
"twisting. Many, many evil minds come to rend the
peace apart. There will be a day I call for you,
"Grog the Victorious. Stay alive."
TRAVIS: I mean to. Thank you. It has been an honor
being in your presence.
MATT: He steps back to his position originally.
"Now go." He turns around and sits back into his
meditate position and closes his eyes and
disappears back into the same place where you
originally saw him.
TRAVIS: I turn around and I go: Guys, his fucking
eyes are glowing.
LIAM: (whispers) We're not here.
LAURA: (whispers) You've got to go.
SAM: You kept it together great!
TRAVIS: Thanks. Did you hear all of that?
SAM: Yeah, I couldn't hear much, but it was
great.
TRAVIS: I almost had an aneurysm.
LIAM: He sounded very serious.
TRAVIS: Yeah we should go. He's cool.
SAM: Do you think I should shit somewhere--
LAURA: No. Just go.
SAM: Okay, we'll just go, then.
TRAVIS: Yeah, sans shit. And we're out.
LIAM: Better be safe.
SAM: Better be safe?
LIAM: Just a little one.
LAURA and TRAVIS: No.
SAM: No? Okay, we'll just go.
TRAVIS: And we make our way out of the
golden-floored, glowing-eyed guy's house.
MATT: You are escorted out of the Trial Forge. You
eventually meet up with the rest of Vox Machina.
You carrying to your side, strapped, a dried
hogshead filled with black powder and a cart of
about 100 pounds of iron ingots.
TRAVIS: Ooh! You want me to hold onto all that for
you?
TALIESIN: Actually, if you could just help load it
onto the ship, that would be lovely.
SAM: Are we going on the airship?
ORION: If we could fit it in the Bag of Holding,
it would be much better.
TALIESIN: Sure. Certainly, if we can put it in the
Bag of Holding, that would be fine.
LAURA: Is that a pig's head?
MARISHA: It is literally a pig's head.
TALIESIN: I... Yes, that is in fact a pig's head.
It's complicated.
SAM: Let's find Captain Damon and get back on the
ship.
ORION: I start casting Circle of Teleportation.
MATT: As you guys are having this discussion, you
look over and you can see the airship, which is a
not too hard to see from this distance, is
currently being outfitted, actually being
finalized, being outfitted with brand new
ballistae. Remember those giant dragon-headed
ballistae you saw settled on the walls on the
outskirts of Vasselheim? Those have now been
affixed to the airship, as the previous air
encounter it had, they didn't seem to quite cut
through the defenses. You guys notice this just in
time, as you see a flash of light and you look
over your shoulder, and Tiberius has finished
drawing what looks to be a large sigil-- I fixed
my pronunciation in that, thank you--
SAM: I like "siggle."
MATT: I grew up with "siggle," and nevertheless--
I know. Sigil--
LIAM: Since I came in at the halfway mark, I
really wanted to go to an ink specialist here in
Vasselheim before we left, so can we retcon and go
backwards and say that I got the elven sounds for
"vuh" and "mm" put right there?
LAURA: Tattooed on his fucking wrist.
LIAM: Elven. And then over here, I don't remember
much of the mathematics, that my teachers in our
homeland--
SAM: Wait, are you saying that someone out there
in the world should do the elven symbol for VM and
we should all get literally tattooed?
LIAM: No, that's ridiculous. But over here, I have
a mathematical shape. I don't know if you know
arithmetic, but I learned arithmetic when I was
studying. I learned knife-work, I learned elven
poetry, and I learned arithmetic and I had a knack
for it. She didn't, but I did. And I would like to
get a-- it was called an icosahedron-- right
here.
LAURA: Right here?
LIAM: Right here.
MARISHA: Wait, are we all doing that together?
SAM: In real life?
MARISHA: I'll go with you.
LIAM: This is real life. But to start--
MARISHA: You guys, we got a little day-drunk.
Let's go together. Come on.
LIAM: Just me, the symbol for "vuh" and "mm" in
Elven right there.
MATT: All right. So, as you've had this done over
the past few days as you were awaiting the return
of the other team who went off against a white
dragon, apparently, you've had the time to do so,
you just haven't quite revealed it to the rest of
your allies yet.
LIAM: All right.
MATT: All right. But you guys look over your
shoulder, and as you're talking about taking an
airship, Tiberius has crafted a runic circle into
the ground that itself is beginning to pulse with
arcane energy, a familiar "siggle," one that you
think actually--
LAURA: (whispers) Sigil.
MATT: Sigil. No, I keep fucking it up. I just
happily fixed it, and then you caught me.
LIAM: That's pronounced Coke and a cola.
MATT: There we go. The arcane sigil on the
ground, a familiar one that you once saw on the
beach of one Underdark subterranean island.
MARISHA: Down by the beach, so that we have--
LAURA: Down over by the bad lands?
MATT: Tiberius, you are on the cusp of completing
your ritual.
ORION: Oh, I choose Emon.
MATT: All right. The sigil flashes with arcane
energy and opens up. You see a small doorway
that's sparkling across the ground.
MARISHA: He's just making the sigil.
LAURA: We can just pop over to Emon.
MATT: You can see the sigil shimmering as the
energy is beginning to fade.
TRAVIS: We should go in.
TALIESIN: Let's go!
SAM: What about the airship? What about Captain
Damon?
LAURA: The airship was only going to take us to
Emon, anyway.
LIAM: I walk right through it and say, Tiberius,
where are we going?
ORION: Emon. I go through, too.
SAM: Captain Damon--
ORION: I'll hold it for a minute.
LAURA: Good thinking, Tiberius!
MARISHA: And I just jump in, woohoo!
MATT: You all leap through the sigil--
TALIESIN: I keep jumping into things.
MARISHA: I like jumping into things. I like leap
of faiths. They're exciting.
MATT: You guys find yourself once again in a
small, white room. Familiar; the place that was
your immediate sigh of relief when you returned
from the Underdark.
MARISHA: Guys, it feels good to be home.
MATT: You push through the doorway, returning once
again to the 80-foot circular chamber of white
stone, where a vibrant crystal chandelier hangs
from the ceiling. There are five other doors
around the room, and you are currently in the
center of the Traverse Junction within the
Alabaster Lyceum.
LIAM: I mean, we just did this. It wasn't too long
ago.
LAURA: So it's okay, we popped out. Is the same
guy there?
MATT: Indeed. Gatekeeper Xanthus is there waiting
for you.
MARISHA: How long have we been gone?
TRAVIS: Hold on, Tiberius wants to say something.
ORION: To explain the travel schematic, it would
take us a few days to come back on the airship to
this particular area if want to go back to
Kraghammer. It would be much more efficient if we
teleport, as we have, and take a transport to
Kraghammer, which is only north of here, as well,
which will only probably take a day, right?
LAURA: Five days.
SAM: Oh shit, did we leave Trinket?
LAURA: Trinket is with us.
ORION: Airship. From here.
MATT: Oh. It is nearly a week to travel from Emon
to Vasselheim in the airship, yes.
ORION: To Kraghammer?
MATT: No, to Kraghammer from here, it's about a
three-day travel on horseback.
ORION: Right. The airship, right?
MATT: There is no airship to Kraghammer.
LAURA: Yeah, but it would have dropped us off in
Emon anyway.
ORION: So we just shaved off five days.
SAM: Good job, Tiberius.
LAURA: I pop on out and I say, hello again.
MATT: "Yes? Oh, you. You've returned."
LAURA: Yes, we have.
MATT: "Well, this time, I would like you to fill
out the proper paperwork."
LAURA: This time, of course, you already know
ahead of time that we are dear friends of Uriel,
and we do not need to.
MATT: "That is not true. I had my ass chewed out
by Headmaster Thurmond the last time you came
"through and told me that. So--" and he fumbles
underneath his desk-- (boof) slams down what looks
to be a cluster of about 20 to 25 papers. "I
require you to fill these out so I do not lose my
"job here in the Lyceum."
LIAM: All right, Vax pulls it over and starts
filling it out and says, all right, but you know,
we're kind of a big deal here--
LAURA: I was saying, Percy is so good at
paperwork.
ORION: I can split the load.
MARISHA: I thought we had a lawyer for this. I
thought we had Burt Reynolds, esquire.
ORION: We're doing the paperwork.
LIAM: I've got it, Burt. Just because you didn't
like paperwork, or Elven, doesn't mean I don't.
I've got it. But Uriel's not going to be pleased.
LAURA: He's going to be super pissed.
LIAM: But don't worry, I'll do it.
MATT: "I look forward to it. Great."
ORION: Well, there you are, and here's my--
SAM: Do you have a bathroom around here?
ORION: Oh, Scanlan, hold it.
MATT: "Down the hall to the left."
SAM: All right. I might make it.
LIAM: Vax fills out the entire thing, except for
the final signature, and says, Scanlan, could you
put the final signature on this?
ORION: Notarize it.
LAURA: Tiberius is helping.
SAM: Oh boy. Buttoning up my fly. Final signature?
I'll just sign my name.
LIAM: That works, too.
MATT: "Thank you kindly. You are free to go."
LAURA: Thank you so much.
MATT: "Oh, it's been a pleasure."
LAURA: A real pleasure.
MATT: "Very much so, thank you."
LAURA: Thank you.
MATT: "Thank you."
LAURA: Thank you so much.
MATT: "Thank you so much."
TRAVIS: Okay, here we go. We'll go out this way.
SAM: You know what I think? I think you guys hate
each other, actually.
MATT: "Be on your way. Goodbye. Please, leave now.
Go."
LAURA: Emon is so beautiful--
SAM: Don't worry, I shat in the hallway.
LAURA: What time of day is it?
MATT: As you guys leave the Lyceum, you enter the
main courtyard that leads into it. You are
currently within the Cloudtop District of Emon, a
clear blue sky dotted with clouds ahead of you.
You gather it's probably around 2:00 or 3:00 in
the afternoon. No time has passed, since the
travel was instantaneous, thanks to
teleportation.
LAURA: You are so good, you.
TALIESIN: Why don't we take a day or two to
recuperate and then make our way to Kraghammer?
MARISHA: We are officially drunk in two different
cities!
LAURA: I'm not drunk.
SAM: Is our next destination Kraghammer?
ORION: Yes. Collect our money.
SAM: Let's take a night and then go set off in the
morning.
ORION: What time is it right now, in the day?
MATT: It's about 4PM.
ORION: Could we ride, maybe? Drunk riding.
MARISHA: Well... (whining) We haven't been home in
so long.
ORION: We can go to the keep and say hi to
everyone.
MARISHA: I need to water the garden. It's probably
half dead.
ORION: No, we have servants that do that.
SAM: To the keep!
TALIESIN and TRAVIS: To the keep.
MATT: All right. You guys make your way through
the Cloudtop District to the southern edge of
Emon, to the lower slums outside of the city,
along the southern wall to Greyskull Keep. The
visual is welcoming. It looks standing, clean, and
in the distance you can see a figure walking
across the top of the wall, keeping watch. As you
get closer, you can see it is the image of
Cordell, the half-orc individual that you guys
hired along with Shayne. As you approach the front
gate, you see what looks like a tent: a large,
thick burlap or linen, brown tent is set up right
outside of you guys'--
LIAM: That wasn't there before--
LAURA: What? What is that?
SAM: Cordell. Cordell! What is this tent?
MATT: Cordell is looking over the edge as you
approach and he gives you a wave. "Hello." And you
can see Shayne runs up next to him off the top.
She has her crossbow at the ready. She goes, "Oh!
"Finally, you've arrived. I'm so glad you could
make it. Yes, this has been here for about two
"weeks now."
SAM: Is someone inside of it?
MATT: At which point, you hear sudden rustling
from inside of the tent and a face pops out,
briefly. You can see what looks like humanoid
features, and suddenly darts back inside. And you
hear more rustling. It sounds like pots and metals
clinking around.
LAURA: I immediately go over there and throw open
the--
MATT: As you throw open the tent, at that moment,
you see another person is pushing out of the tent.
And you both have this awkward moment where you
both (awkward noises) and he pushes off of you
instinctively and rights himself. The tent half
collapses behind him and he catches himself and
stands there at the ready. You see before you what
looks to be a young man, probably in his late
teens, 19 to 20 years old. Haphazardly dressed in
scale mail armor, a longsword, crossbow, and
handaxe, and buckler all dangling from his belts,
weighing him down slightly. His dark brown eyes
peer from beneath his short, tousled ash-blond
hair. And a nervous yet excited smile flashes
across his face. "Oh! You've returned! Ah. You!
You, Percival. Percival, the great one who streaks
"fire from his tube. And the great druid princess.
Keyleth, right? And you. You, the dragonborn who
"controls the elements himself. Tiberius of the
Stormwind family, yes. Yes, I've heard of you.
"Scanlan. Scanlan I've heard your tales across the
land. Your womanizing does not reach ears too far
"from the city."
SAM: Well, I'm... Men, too.
MATT: "And you, the twins. Vax'ildan and
Vex'ahlia. Oh, the many bodies you've lain at your
"feet of the evil that crossed your path. And the
mighty, muscled Grog. Oh, I am beside myself. I've
"been waiting for this--"
LAURA: Grog the Victorious. Get it right.
MATT: "The Victorious. Yes, of course!"
SAM: And you are, young man?
MATT: "I am Kynan Leore, son of Harold the
butcher, and I wish to join you in your travels."
LAURA: Oh, darling! You're so brave and strong.
ORION: Well, you're welcome to do so--
SAM: No! No, not at all.
MATT: "Really? It would be my honor. It really,
truly would be."
SAM: No. This is not an open membership situation.
Vox Machina has been together for many years, and
we've forged our bonds of friendship--
MATT: "I can forge my way. I can prove myself."
ORION: What is your skill, sir?
MATT: "Well. My father, Harold the butcher, is
well known throughout these lands."
MARISHA: For?
LAURA: Butchering, I believe.
TRAVIS: He's a good butcher. Yep.
MATT: "Well, he is an actual butcher in the upper
slums. But! I have been training day and night for
"months until I was ready to fight alongside you
all and I humbly offer my sword
"as part of Vox Machina."
ORION: Ah, your sword?
MATT: "Yes, I am a skilled swordsman!"
LAURA: You are?
MATT: "I trained under old Leonard Fyke, an
ex-guard captain of Emon, himself.
"He was a friend of--"
MARISHA: Wait. What was his name? Linen Fyken?
MATT: "Leonard Fyke. He was once--"
MARISHA: Leonard Fyke.
MATT: "Leonard Fyke, yes."
ORION: As he's talking, I motion to open the
gates.
MATT: You hear a shift as Shayne and Cordell begin
to pull the top of the gates, the chains
clenching. (metal creaking)
LIAM: Is he talking to Vex? Are they talking
together?
LAURA: I'm using insight on him as he's talking.
MATT: Go ahead and roll insight.
LIAM: How close are they?
MATT: They're about four feet across.
LIAM: Four feet apart? I flip a dagger in my hand
and I go (impact noise) to the back of his head,
is what I do.
MARISHA: Just to knock him out?
LIAM: Yeah. I did it. It's done.
MATT: All right. Roll an attack.
LIAM: Don't worry. I'm using the flat end. Oh,
good. That's a 17.
SAM: Plus whatever.
LIAM: Plus a high number.
MATT: Oh, you rolled a 17?
LIAM: Yeah.
MATT: Go ahead and roll sneak attack damage. It's
a critical because he hasn't acted.
LIAM: Yeah, but it's the back end of the dagger,
all right?
MATT: Yeah. Go ahead and roll sneak attack times
two.
ORION: I go inside the keep.
LAURA: And you're touching my dice!
LIAM: The boy needs a lesson. This is not a life
for a child. Okay, that's good.
SAM: Oh Jesus. It's like a million.
MATT: Times two.
LIAM: 28 on the sneak attack damage only.
MATT: Is that times two? Or is it 28 times two?
LIAM: Oh, times two. So that's--
SAM: Dead!
LIAM: No, he's not.
TALIESIN: You cleaved his head off with the blunt
end of the knife.
LAURA: If he's a level one, you killed him.
LIAM: It's 56. Just the sneak attack damage
alone.
MATT: And then add the d4 and the modifier for the
dagger.
LIAM: That's ten.
MATT: So a total of 66 damage.
LIAM: 66 damage, yeah.
MATT: 66 damage. As you're having this
conversation, you (whoosh) behind him and (whack)
right to the temple. He's like, "I'm a swordsman.
I'm trained. I'm--" (impact noise). And he goes
straight down into a pile.
LIAM: With my bonus action, I pull out one of my
remaining healing potions, right? And I shove it
in his mouth like this, and it'll go
glug-glug-glug down him.
MARISHA: That happened so fast.
MATT: Eventually he's like, (panting)
LAURA: Hi, darling.
LIAM: I take him by the lapels. Things move very
fast with us. I don't think you understand what
you're asking for. If you think you can handle
that--
MATT: "Oh, Vax'ildan."
(laughter)
SAM: This is why he's single.
MATT: "I've heard of your work for quite some
time. Show me your ways."
LIAM: Illithid, all right? Beholders. Large white
dragons. I know it's cool to see her flash her
boobs and this one sing a song. It's all
excitement and craziness and all the rock and roll
that the kids are talking about. But listen to me.
It's dangerous. You could die any given day. So
could I, so could she, so could him. Maybe not
him, but the rest of us, sure. Are you really
interested in this?
MATT: Make an intimidation check.
LAURA: Why?
LIAM: Tough love. That's called tough love. It's
not bad. That's a ten plus-- can somebody pass me
that shit over there?
TALIESIN: Plus six.
LIAM: 16.
MATT: He looks at you for a second. His brow comes
together, and you can see there's a quiver to his
bottom lip. He goes--
TALIESIN: Wait, wait. There. There's his heart
breaking.
MATT: "I thought you were heroes. I waited two
weeks to meet you."
LAURA: How could you do that to him?
LIAM: Tell me your name again.
LAURA: Kynan.
MATT: "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter at
all. You're right." And he puts his hand up and
pushes you away. He pulls out of your hands and
takes a few steps away and looks over his
shoulder. You can see now, there's tears welling
up in his eyes. He goes,
"I just wanted to be a hero."
SAM: Wait.
LIAM: Kynan! Kynan.
TRAVIS: Train him up.
SAM: Send him on a mission.
LIAM: Come back when you're ready.
SAM: No, send him on a mission.
LIAM: Come back when you're ready. Come back
again. Train yourself, and I, personally, will be
your mentor.
MATT: Make a persuasion roll.
LAURA: Oh, you'd better roll good because I'm
going to be so mad at you if you hurt him.
LIAM: What's my persuasion? Oh, you passed it
down. All right. I make a seven.
MATT: He looks back at you, and the tears--
LIAM: I'm going to use Luck!
MATT: All right.
LIAM: It's a 20 on that one!
MATT: Natural 20?
LIAM: Yes.
MATT: He looks at you with the tears welling up in
his eyes. He blinks them away for a second.
(sniffs) "You mean that?"
LIAM: I do. You will be my right-hand man. I
promise.
MATT: He looks over at the rest of you. Looks at
Percy. Looks at Keyleth. Tiberius isn't there;
Tiberius has already walked into the keep. Looks
at Scanlan. Looks at Vex'ahlia. Looks at Grog. He
grasps the sword that's currently sheathed at his
side. "I will. I'll make you proud. I will be Vox
"Machina with you. I swear it. I swear it!" He runs
back to his tent, and you see him start gathering
up his things, and he begins tearing it down, and
you can see the tears are still coming, but he's
steeled his expression.
LIAM: I walk over to him. These people can't hear
this. I kneel down next to him, and I put my hand
on his shoulder and say, I was once like you and
didn't know what I wanted or where I was going. I
just want you to be ready. We've got some shit to
do. When we come back, we'll start over. You're
starting from ground zero. Starting from the
basement, you'll work your way up. And I promise,
I will be ready for you no matter what Mercer
throws at me. I promise.
SAM: Mercer's our god.
MATT: "All right."
LIAM: Don't question it. And I take him by the
hair. Don't question it. Come back. Right on his
forehead.
MATT: He gathers the rest of his tent and things,
piles it up, and he's speechless at this point.
You can see he's partially torn between wanting to
look hard and ready to do this, and also still
blown away by the fact that he's even encountered
you guys after all this time. He takes the rest of
his stuff and holds it in one arm and darts off
down the path towards the river, hops over it, and
then makes his way towards the rest of Emon and
vanishes into the distance.
MARISHA: You know, you might have just sent him to
his death.
LAURA: Why did you have to knock him out?!
LIAM: To go home and train?
LAURA: We could have trained him!
LIAM: We almost died ourselves in that temple, in
that pyramid.
MARISHA: You just put expectations in his head!
ORION: Are they inside yet?
LAURA: Yeah, we're walking inside.
LIAM: So we should have made him a full-fledged
member today, right now?
MARISHA: No, that's not what I'm saying at all.
LIAM: Make him a butler? He doesn't want to do
that.
MATT: As you guys are having this conversation,
you turn into the entrance of the keep, and there
standing, arms behind his back, is Tiberius.
Serious-faced.
ORION: I look right at Vax. Why did you do that to
that young man?
LIAM: He wasn't ready!
ORION: Stop it. It was aggressive beyond
necessity. We should have trialed the boy.
MARISHA: That was his trial.
ORION: That was not a trial!
SAM: We'll see, if he comes back.
ORION: You are far more powerful, Vax. You know
that. This boy was a fan, at best. We could have
put him to work, or something.
MARISHA: Do you think he would have been happy
with work? I'm not even happy that he told him to
go off and continue training. I think telling him
to go off and continue training is a bad idea.
LIAM: He now knows the facts. He knows his skill
level. He knows where he stands. He will either go
back to being a fishmonger--
SAM: Son of a butcher.
LIAM: Son of a butcher, well. Everyone has their
own personal path. Or he will come back to me, and
if he comes back to me, I will train him. If not,
it wasn't meant to be.
ORION: And if he comes for your head?
LAURA: He won't.
TRAVIS: Oh, he won't?
LIAM: I'll deal with that, as well.
TRAVIS: Did you never see The Incredibles?
(laughter)
ORION: Vax.
LIAM: Yes, Tiberius?
ORION: You and Grog I respect and fear the most
out of all of us. You are cunning.
SAM: What am I, chopped liver?
ORION: I could crush you in one blow, Scanlan.
SAM: Let's leave it at that.
ORION: Vex, I fear you and am slightly attracted
to you, as well. Grog and Vax, you are the
strongest and most noble and cunning--
SAM: You live because I let you live. Just needed
to say that out loud.
ORION: You believe what you believe. I'm just
saying, when it comes to things, sometimes you
really rush into stuff, and stop. Because you
could just be chill sometimes.
(laughter)
MATT: At which point, you hear a voice ring out
from across the courtyard of the keep. "Ah! You've
"all returned!" And you see across the way, Laina,
your joyful housekeeper, comes rushing out, arms
open to greet you all. You can see there's a
little bit of dirt on the front of her apron, like
she's been cutting the hedges or doing some sort
of garden work. She rushes out and hugs you. "It's
"been so long. It's been far too long. It's so good
to see all of you."
ORION: As I see her, I turn to greet, but I want
to give Vax a little pinch on the butt. A little
friendly pinch.
MATT: A little tweak. A little dragonborn tweak.
"Oh! Sorry, that reminds me. Hold on." And she
pulls out a little piece of paper. You recognize
it: it's used in various arcane messaging. She
pulls out a small quill and dabbles it and starts
writing a quick message on it. Closes the lid
(fire burst noise). It disappears.
MARISHA: What was that?
MATT: "I'm sorry. I was given that, just in case
you all returned--"
MARISHA: Who gave you that? What was that?
MATT: "Seeker Asum Emring of the council. The
ranger. He said as soon as you all returned, I'm
"supposed to let him know. He had very important
business with you."
LAURA: Maybe for the future, don't do that until
we tell you it's okay to do that?
SAM: Seeker Emring, you said? Of the council of
Tal'Dorei?
MATT: "Yes."
SAM: He's an ally.
LAURA: No, he's fine. It's just, maybe we wanted
to take a little nap or something.
MARISHA: Yes, ask us first.
MATT: "I'm sorry, I was-- oh. Okay. My apologies.
I was given implicit instructions by him."
ORION: It's all right, we forgive you. I give her
a hug. Sorry, I'm very scaly.
MATT: "Oh! Ah, it's good to see you, too, Lord
Tiberius Stormwind."
SAM: Could you instruct the security guard-- we
can take care of it. We should instruct the
security guards: if there's a tent outside the
keep, they should just burn it down.
MATT: "Oh, that nice boy! I brought him biscuits
every morning. He was so sweet, that one."
MARISHA: You brought him biscuits? Oh, she fed the
stray. That's adorable.
LIAM: Do me a favor. Roll up his tent, keep it
inside. If he comes back to ask for it--
MATT: He already rolled up his tent when he took
off.
LIAM: Did he leave anything?
MATT: There was a couple of small pots and pans
and things that he left.
LIAM: If he comes back, let him in. If I'm not
here, let him use my room for as long as he likes,
and I'll pay for it.
MATT: "Okay, it'll be done."
LAURA: Feeling guilty that you knocked him out,
brother?
LIAM: No, I feel perfectly justified.
ORION: Oh, you shouldn't.
TRAVIS: Can we rest before we go see this ranger?
SAM: Let's do it.
MATT: Right. You guys make your way into the keep. Laina
immediately rushes off to the kitchen and begins
preparing a welcome back meal for all of you. You
can smell, after the next ten to 15 minutes pass
by, that scent of freshly-cooked meats and baking
bread begins to fill the air around Greyskull
Keep. The halls are kept nice and warm. It's very
clean, and it's a very welcome sight to be back
home. You take time to rest and exhale and go over
the sequence, and as you walk by, you see across
the right from the main foyer, you can see a
little bit of the light echoing through from the
temple of Sarenrae, the stained glass, itself, and
for a moment you all take a sad memory of Pike,
whereever she is, hopefully to return to you very
soon.
MARISHA: It's just not home without her.
LAURA: Here's the thing, Scanlan, how do you look
through your poo? Can you look through it
anywhere, or is it perhaps from the--
SAM: If you'd like to. I'm feeling a little bit
Pike-sick right now.
I could concentrate very hard.
LAURA: Just concentrate for a moment and see what
she's doing.
LIAM: Would we be able to see, as well?
SAM: No, I'd have to describe to you what I see.
LAURA: Tell us what you see. Unless she's naked,
in which case, stop looking.
SAM: Of course, I would definitely stop looking if
I saw her naked in front of my poo. Definitely.
MATT: Are you...?
SAM: Sure, I'm going to try to scry through my
poo.
MATT: You sit down and close your eyes and begin
to concentrate, and as you begin to focus your
energy, the sense of the arcane mind itself has
gathered between the center of the head and the
center of the chest. You begin to join these in
the center, and your consciousness begins to glide
downward towards your bowels. Eventually, you find
a point of connection and you feel your vision
transcending this single point on the prime
material plane. You are brought through the small
channel across the astral sea to connect, and
suddenly your vision takes place. What looks like
a cluster of dirt to one side and a darkened
chamber that is lit by a series of torches. Before
you, you see, still and slightly muddled, the
Temple of Sarenrae as partially uncovered. You can
see the large stone archway that is the front of
the partially collapsed temple. You can see now
there is stone being brought down the wooden
staircase, and it is being used to slowly build up
and reconstruct what was once a beautiful and very
well-revered structure. You can see in the
distance a small, white-haired gnome figure that
is currently acting as foreman for this whole
construction process and is giving orders and
shouts to the other individuals here. Glancing
about, you see her step over, and one person trips
and drops a stone, and she walks up to them and
takes them by the shoulder and lifts them back up
and gives them a little hug, and then picks up the
stone and carries it with them over to where it
belongs on the side of one of the walls.
SAM: She should fire that person, but okay.
MATT: A few more moments pass and you gather that
this is a slow-moving, but a consistent moving,
renovation of the temple of Sarenrae, based on the
limited number of people that she has at her
disposal to help with the process. But it seems to
be going well.
SAM: (gasps)
LAURA: What did you see?
SAM: She was definitely naked.
ORION: Really?
SAM: No, she was supervising her crew in a fair,
but firm way. She was just being Pike: driven,
radiant, beautiful, and empowered by the spirit of 
Sarenrae. She's everything that we think of her
and more. She's beautiful and charming. Let's just
let it be known that I could kill Tiberius if
I wanted to. Just going to say that.
ORION: It's fine. Yes, you can, Scanlan.
SAM: Yes. I mean, that's beside the point. Pike
was glorious and wonderful and confident, and I
miss her so much. I hope from time to time
I can look in on her.
LAURA: Anytime you want.
TRAVIS: Look through your shit.
SAM: Well, it's really any bodily fluid, I
believe. I could piss. I could barf.
LAURA: Ooh! Any time ever?
TRAVIS: Is this real? Is it a real thing? Is it
real? He can do this?
MATT: There is a gradual fade to the effect.
LIAM: I'm raising my flask, and I say: To Pike.
ALL: To Pike.
LIAM: The best in all of us.
SAM: She really was, and is.
MARISHA: Our own little inspirational poster,
inside each and every one of us.
SAM: She's not little, but yes.
MATT: As you all drink, a familiar voice echoes
from across the hallway.
MARISHA: Pike?
MATT: "Your food is ready, everyone."
(groaning)
MATT: And you see Erwen Dastell, your elderly
halfling manservant, is there standing in his
attire, smiling, happy to see you all. "Laina
would like you all to know that your meal is
"ready. This way, please."
LAURA: Thank you, Erwen.
MATT: He leads you to the dining hall. The food is
already prepared, and you sit down to eat. The
meal is very welcome; it's the best food you've
had in a while. Comparable to Southern comfort
food. There's gravy, biscuits-- it's beautiful.
LAURA: Fried chicken.
MATT: (chuckles) It's delightful. A little ways
into the meal, you can see Cordell steps into the
room and glances in for a second. "I am sorry to
interrupt, but we have a visitor."
SAM: Is it a councilor from Tal'Dorei?
MATT: "It is. The halfling."
ORION: Invite him in for dinner.
LAURA: Does he want some fried chicken?
MATT: "I could ask."
MARISHA: Tell him if he's okay with us being a
little tipsy.
LAURA: Still?
MARISHA: Well, I figured we just kept going.
MATT: A moment goes by, and you see Seeker Asum
Emring arrives at the doorway. He's wearing dark,
looks like studded leather armor, a very deep
green cloak about his shoulders. Even at the
council meetings, he's dressed for utility. He
seems to be that individual who has his eye in
many places in the room at once; he's a ranger by
trade, and paranoid by nature. His head is shaved
bald, and he has tattoos across one side of his
halfling face. As he walks in, he gives a swift
bow and says to everyone, "Greetings. I'm sorry to
interrupt your meal. I was notified that you have
"arrived, and I have business I would like to
discuss, if you have a moment."
MARISHA: (groans) Is it bad news? We're not in the
mood for bad news.
MATT: "I'm all right. It's not bad news, it's just
something I wanted to run by the rest of you."
TRAVIS: Please feel free to speak.
MATT: He steps and finds a chair at one of
the nearby tables, clustered towards the center,
where you guys have pushed your dining tables
together. "Now, while you were gone, a venture has
"been put into motion. In celebration of the
agreed-upon construction of a grand bridge across
"the Shearing Channel to the eastern continent of
Wynandia, a dinner is being held here within a
"week. This venture is helmed by one Lord and Lady
Briarwood of Whitestone, as the bridge would be
"set at the edge of the Alabaster Sierras. They are
probably en route as we speak. The bridge shall
"open trade routes with the kingdom of Wildmount
across the way. I'm here because few things escape
"my eye. Percival, when last we were company, you
had shifted so very uncomfortably at the mention
"of these two. May I ask why?"
TALIESIN: Had I? I hadn't noticed.
MATT: "Well, I did."
TALIESIN: I have had dealings with them before. I
find them... untrustworthy.
MATT: "I have my reservations, as well. My network
has been watching their acquisition of Whitestone
"since the de Rolo family fell to disease, and
there are far more questions than answers. I've
"sent operatives to inquire, but each has sent me a
letter of resignation instead of choosing to stay
"within Whitestone under my employ. Now, our sovereign
requested that I extend an invitation to this
"coming dinner-- per your request to him, Percy--
to you, Vox Machina. I am here to ask if you will
"attend, and if so, if I can trust you to keep an
eye while I do my work."
LAURA: What say you, Percy?
TRAVIS: It's Percy's call.
TALIESIN: (sighs) Yes, we will attend.
MATT: "Very good. I will contact you in the next
few days and shall discuss further. Until then,
"enjoy the rest of your meal, and thank you." He
sits up from his seat.
SAM: We're having bread pudding for dessert.
MATT: "I'm good, thank you."
MARISHA: Wait, when did you say this dinner was
taking place?
MATT: "In about a week, they should be arriving."
TALIESIN: Excuse me. I have a bit of work to do
downstairs.
SAM: Can we go to Kraghammer in that?
LAURA: Seven days in a week or in a week, like
five days?
MATT: "They are expected to arrive in the next
five to seven days. The dinner is set for seven to
"eight days from now."
LAURA: Got it.
SAM: Thank you for your information.
MATT: "Of course. We shall discuss further."
LAURA: Percy--
TALIESIN: I've already gone.
ORION: Oh, what is the attire for the event?
MATT: "As formal as one may muster. If you do not
have suitable attire, it will be provided, but
"please do notify the council."
SAM: I could lend you one of my jackets.
ORION: I'd like to see what they propose.
TRAVIS: I don't really do formal, so?
LAURA: Don't worry, Grog. We have a wonderful
tailor.
LIAM: The fancy clothes in the bag.
LAURA: In your Bag of Holding.
TRAVIS: We've got like two left, and they wouldn't
fit me.
MATT: "You can figure this out amongst yourselves.
I have business to attend to. Have a good night."
LIAM: We'll be there. Thank you.
MATT: "Of course." And with that, he turns around
and leaves. He's one of those individuals where as
he walks away, and this catches your eye in
particular, for a moment you have to admire the
fact that he takes naught but two steps and for a
second, you swear he was walking, he had about 15
feet to the door, and he's just gone.
LAURA: He's good.
MATT: And with that, we shall end this week's
session.
(groaning)
LAURA: Oh, but I want to talk to Percy!
MARISHA: I know! Percy just ran off to the
basement, to his workshop.
MATT: We'll pick up directly from this moment next
week.
MARISHA: Guys, I feel like we need to have a
conversation with Percy.
LAURA: Yeah, that needs to happen.
TALIESIN: (screams)
(laughter)
LIAM: So, Percy, do you want to strike off in a
random direction and just go and go and go?
TALIESIN: So, that money that we're owed. Why
don't we do that? I think we have time for that.
MARISHA: Maybe we could send an errand-boy to get
it?
SAM: We're back, guys. We're back!
[end of captions]
