jefferson: hey napoleon [charles talleyrand]
can i buy the new orleans port from you?
because im scared that america's economy will plummet into the depths of heck
charles talleyrand: i give you deal, am desperate, will give you louisiana and more
15 million dollars, ok price?
jefferson: woooow thats a nice deaaal, its like, woooow
here you go man!
jefferson: ok, hi congress women and men, actually, only men
(only men could have government jobs back then)
i just purchased a bunch of land that doubled the size of our country
so i was thinking "hey maybe we should get some people to walk around in our new land"
to see whats going down
so i found these people named meriwether lewis and william clark, and they founded the corp of discovery, consisting of 50 men
so i was wondering if you guys could fund it for me because im kind of in debt right now
congressman 1: lets discuss that
congressmen: sskskskksk
congressman 3: we've made the decision
congressman 2: we say ok, we fund you
jefferson: coool
jefferson: hey louis, i just bought some land from france for 15 million dollars and it was a great deal
and it doubled the size of our country, so i am definitely going to go down in history for this
and now, i need you, to explore the land so we over here know whats going on
louis: clArk i choose you!
clark: diD sOmeOnE sAy cLaRk??
clark: wOw very interesting
louis: i know its very green like yellow and stuff
smell it
clark: *inhales smell* weird scent
louis: yes
clark: moving on
louis: woah what is thiS??
clark: brown, pokey
louis: aHH
clark: sticklike, oh you dropped your notepad
clark: interesting
louis and clark: woAHH
louis: what is dat?
louis: green
clark: pokey, thin
louis and clark: long, very large
louis: look at dat
clark: look at dis animal
louis: oh my god what is dat?
clark: some sort of weird...animal
animal abuse??
louis: cow with a thing on its back
louis: this river must take us all the way to the rocky mountains, right?
clark: probably
corp of discovery member: you guys see anything interesting yet?
louis and clark: nieh/no
louis and clark: *whispers* saca sacagawea, saca sacagawea
sacagawea: aloha my frands, i am saca sacagawea
louis and clark: helloooo
sacagawea: welcome to my land
louis: can you help us on this journey
sacagawea: yes, i embark
louis: what is edible here
sacagawea: well we have wonderful creations that we call fritos
louis: oO edible?
sacagawea: edible, edible
louis and clark: hUh, wooow
sacagawea: edible
louis: yea, they're good
clark: i didnt die
louis: yea same *coughs, almost dies*
he's okay
sacagawea: next we embark on our nature
louis: what are these plants
sacagawea: this plant is called bush
how does it smell?
louis: oh ew
clark: it smells sorta funky
louis: yea, what are dOse??
sacagawea: this called rosemary
louis and clark: oooOo
sacagawea: we put in food
louis: is that flower
sacagawea: flowers, we call flowers
louis and clark: oH look, this is lavender
louis: oh i killed it ok
sacagawea: yes, very very scent, very scent
louis: well we need to cross the rocky mountains lets go
sacagawea: i show you, i know de wei
louis: nO lets goo
louis: oh ok lets climb this, we can do this
louis and clark struggle
sacagawea: oh you noobs, noobs
sacagawea: welcome to my land
louis: ok, let me try
oW
clark: we must get horses
louis and clark: where are the horses, give us the horses
sacagawea: i shall give you horse
let me show you to my horses
we embark
sacagawea: brother, brother!
these are my brother horses
louis: well cool lets gO
louis: well you wanna get on?
sacagawea: no i shall run (why would a pregnant woman run up mountains)
louis: woahhh, we are going on a journey up the rocky mountains
louis: its a cow, what do you mean? its not a horse
sacagawea: same ting
louis: hello
louis: so we're here to inform you that america has actually bought your land
but we have a gift for you, its gold!
louis and clark: but we come in peace, yes peace
shoshone tribe member: aloha, uh aooga aooga, aoog uhuh ehhh
louis: ok
shoshone tribe member: thank you x5
nez perce tribe member: hi
louis and clark: hello
nez perce tribe member: are you guys hungry?
louis and clark: yes
nez perce tribe member: ok, i am from the nez perce, and here are some tu dous (potatoes)
louis and clark: tank you
louis: what about me
louis: we're finally at the pacific ocean
clark: wow
clark: well too bad we couldn't find a river that went all the way through
louis: well because it doesn't exist, right
but i remember we found that cow thing, and all those plants
clark: we discovered a lot of things
louis: and lastly, we made peace with the native americans*
sacagawea: saca sacagawea
louis: well clark, i guess this is(n't) the end, we must part ways now
clark: it was good doing work with you
bye bye x6
corporal richard warfington: hey thomas jefferson
i'm corporal richard warfington, and i brought you a prairie dog
jefferson: *gasps*
ooooooooooooooo
theres bloopers after this dont stop watching
shelely: action
parmesan: wait i need my mustache
i look retarded (no you dont)
arm: parmis its fine
hurry the fr*ck up
stop
into the depths of heck*
raffi: *hesitates* are you allowed to say that
shelely: hi
arm: well what do you do
shelely: *hesitates* we're people
