You know, it's really hard to be lawful good in Dungeons and Dragons (I know right?)
I mean you often have to skirt around the law
since there's no way you can convince the local guards to help you out when the nobles house up on the hill is
obviously a giant mimic that's eating anyone who comes near
How often can you actually get them to come to your rescue, like if you're at home and you place a call?
"Hello, Cherry Fields Guard Post. Please state your emergency."
"Uh, one of my friends accidentally cast a polymorph spell on himself now he's a dog,"
"How do I get him back to normal?"
"Don't be silly! "Magic isn't real.""
"W-what are you talking about? We live in a society where everything is magical."
"Nope. I've never been outside
ever
literally just been living at this guard post my
entire life."
"What's a dog, anyway?"
I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't make any sense.
Could you imagine a world where people didn't rely on a ragtag band of misfit adventures who keeps calling themselves the
"Heroes", and they could actually solve their own problems? By themselves? I know,
Terrifying isn't it?
I've tried to be the straight-up goody two-shoes before, playing a paladin a few times.
I know they take an oath but I'm pretty sure there's a clause in there about how you can
shank someone if they're being a d-bag,
or really starting to piss you off. I wouldn't know exactly, I kind of
just skimmed over the oath and signed at the bottom and then I got my really super awesome magical powers
You think I've got time to read all that Oath?
I'm a Paladin now! I got stuff to do! Important stuff! It's like six lines long. It's almost like, uhh,
15 lines!
Besides they practically got new oath updates coming out every few weeks. I'm telling you. No one actually reads them.
Being a good guy is just a simple numbers game;
How many people can I pants before it's roughly equal to saving a town from a black dragon?
Five, apparently.
In a game I was playing in our group was in a tight spot and needed cash
We'd gotten asked by some guys to do a job for them involving unloading crates with 'no questions'
(gasps!) "Are we going to be criminals now? Yay. I always wanted to be a rogue!"
"Look, we're just going to be unloading some boxes. That doesn't make you a rogue." (hushing noises)
"Yeah, I'm looking forward to my life of crime"
We were at the docks and running the crates into the warehouse
However, in the middle of our work we noticed that there was a guard watching us
That guard left his post, and came back with two others. My character started to panic;
working quickly and watching over his shoulder.
My friends got approached by some guards that were snooping around wondering what was going on and asking some questions
I couldn't hear them but the longer I saw them talking the more nervous I got
I knew I had to think of something to do, and if I was gonna do it I had to do it fast
Suddenly, I had a brilliant idea. My character leaps up onto the cart and I say
"EVERYBODY WE'VE BEEN FOUND OUT! EVERYBODY RRRRRUUUUUUNNNN!!!!!"
After I say that there's a long
dead
silence
That lasts for an eternity.
I thought they were going to scatter
No one moves a muscle
In real life the players at the table give me this 'look', and
one of the players face palms and says, through her hands. "They were just going to ask a question or two,
I had convinced them that it was fine. They were leaving."
OOOhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Oh.
(downbeat) ooooohhh...
So there my character is; standing on the cart,
everyone looking at him. Eventually I say
Okay, actually,
I draw my sword and I jump down, and I start waving it around saying you'll never take me alive and,
and then I run! I poke it down the alley and take off. 'The confused guards chase after you'
Them chasing me gave the rest of the group time to finish their work, take the money and leave
Ever since then, whenever I went back to that town
I would always have to hide my face because since then I would always be known as a notorious
rouge
* End Music *
