(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] Planet Earth Two.
It's been ten years since
we explored the wonders
of planet Earth in the first series,
and we certainly haven't run
out of things to talk about.
No, we are always finding new
stuff, and it's really easy
to come up with new things
to say about animals.
The Pygmy three-toed sloth,
only a few hundred exist
in the world, and this
male is seeking a mate.
(high-pitched sound)
An enticing call from a
female, it's been a long time,
longer than he'd care to
admit, not since Tiffany.
Sure, the timing doesn't feel perfect,
but when will it ever be?
He knows he has to put
himself back out there.
But she already has a baby,
not that there's anything wrong with that.
This sloth just isn't ready
at this point in his life.
I assume, I mean, who really knows, right?
This Draco lizard, Mark, is
only the size of a pencil,
and he's very self-conscious about it.
Another lizard, Kyle, is
also on this tree today
and he just oozes toxic masculinity.
These two, they have a whole thing.
Kyle's always saying mean stuff like,
"Hey Mark, you're lucky I
don't have a piece of paper,
"you stupid, tiny pencil."
And that really hurts Mark's feelings.
In true Kyle fashion, he
instantly resorts to violence.
Mark runs away, at first blaming himself
for not being tough enough.
But then Mark realizes it's
not me who has the problem.
It's Kyle.
This zebra has been
leading his pack to water.
He's pretty sure he
remembers where it's at.
He' really hyped it up how awesome
it's going to be when they get there.
But once they arrive,
it's kind of a letdown.
"It's usually not this
crowded," he tells the others.
"I guess, you know, the word
got out about this place."
But everyone's bummed out.
The food the fox seeks
is deep beneath the snow,
but he doesn't mind.
He likes a challenge.
He listens carefully
to pinpoint his target.
He's a great listener.
His Myers Briggs Personality is ISFJ,
so you know, that's a fact about him.
This female penguin looks
on at the flock of men
and thinks to herself, "Why
are all the good ones gay?"
Penguins mate for life, except for Carl.
He can't stop getting it in.
Fuck this guy. Next!
Don is super into Jill.
But sometimes, it feels like
she doesn't even know he exists.
His friends tell him,
"Dude, just let her go."
But he never listens.
There are over three
million birds on the island,
but only one matters to him.
I guess I can relate.
Trying to get back out there
recently, I really have.
People just want to hook up.
No one's looking for a
meaningful relationship.
And sure I like to fuck.
Everyone has physical needs,
but at the end of the day,
you need someone that you can rely on.
That's what Don is looking for.
Oh, I mean, who fucking
knows, they're just birds.
- Hi, it's Katie Marovitch
from College Humor.
If you want to subscribe, click over here.
And for more fun stuff, click over here.
And if you want access to
College Humor's secret site,
make sure you send your
social security number,
your credit card information,
and your mother's maiden name
in a private message to me.
