In 1804 President Thomas Jefferson
commissioned Meriwether Lewis and
William Clark to explore the vast
uncharted territories of the Northwest.
They paddled up the Mississippi from St.
Louis.
When winter came, Lewis and Clark
tried to set up camp
but encountered much hardship.
Come spring,
they sought help from Native Americans.
Long have we awaited the coming of the white
man … and Karl.
Thanks,
and welcome to the United States of
America.
Have a flag and, while you're at
It, cover your nakedness and worship our
Lord.
Yeah, yeah, I'll get right on it.
Now, in order to aid your journey across
the land, I offer you the guidance of
Sacagawea.
Her name means little know-it-all who
won't shut her maize hole.
I will be happy
to help the Americans.
Wow, the Columbia River!
Now we just ride this baby down to the
Pacific and get us some sweet mermaid
Sex!
The object of Lewis and Clark's
expedition was to find hot chicks, yeah.
By right of exploration, I claim for the
United States of America all the land we
have traveled, from the Rocky Mountains
to the Pacific Ocean.
And we owe it all
to you.
You're gonna get the greatest
honor this country can bestow.
Today,
Lewis’ promise has been fulfilled.
What
is that, a quarter?
A Chuck E. Cheese
token?
No, it's not.
It's the new Sacagawea
dollar.
You can trade it in at the bank
for a real dollar, huh!
