Again I feature a thought-provoking video
about fear and anxiety. This video is sure
to be of interest, and you will find my advice
useful. I am sure that it will help those
who face this problem.
In general, people do not like to be anxious,
stressed, or worried. They do not wish to
feel fear or panic. Nonetheless, the world
is filled with phenomena that evoke fear and
anxiety and create panic.
We see this in terms of development. Psychologists
claim to have observed frightened reactions
in infants as young as 5 months old, and they
invariably appear between the ages of 5 and
8 months. This is no accident. The child is
at the point in its intellectual development
when it notices and reacts to stimuli that
provoke fear and anxiety.
We should clarify the concepts, so we can
treat the theme properly. Anxiety and fear
have a common characteristic. They arise when
something threatens me. Some danger lies in
wait for me. This is what a person experiences
in both fear and anxiety.
Anxiety: The difference is that when we are
afraid, we know the cause or the root of our
fear. With anxiety, we feel threatened or
in danger without knowing the true cause.
That does not mean that a cause does not exist.
We simply do not know what it is. What we
do know, from studying the symptoms of anxiety,
is that there are three distinct levels.
First of all, there is the emotional level,
where we feel something is not right, something
bad threatens us, or we are in danger. There
is something threatening us. That is a feeling.
Second, this is generally followed by symptoms
such as a pounding heartbeat, a tightening
of the throat (as if it were a knot), and
occasionally diarrhea. Or the opposite, symptoms
may include constipation and nausea, even
high blood pressure. Many times we must rush
to the toilet in order to purge ourselves.
So there are many physical aspects to anxiety.
The third set of symptoms comprise the behavioral
level, where the anxious individuals behave
in a very blocked or hindered manner – thoroughly
fearing what people will say to them, how
they should act, what they should say. Thus,
they are always scrutinizing others’ reactions.
Also, like every neurosis, they take this
to a point where they suffer from it. An anxious
individual who fears taking on roles, especially
in public, may be afraid that women will laugh
at him. Because of this, he may become terribly
inhibited and withdrawn. On account of this,
they really do laugh. Hence, it is precisely
anxiety drives them to the form of behavior
they wish to avoid.
There is another possible behavioral state,
where certain people may overcompensate for
their anxiety. This makes their behavior aggressive
and a little conceited, which clearly masks
the underlying anxiety. With this false self-confidence,
they try to ease their anxiety. This may succeed
or not, but it is normally unsuccessful. Ultimately,
it results in a feeling of being threatened,
though they have no idea what threatens them.
It is subconscious.
If we feel in danger, or that our situation
is perilous, but we truly do not understand
what is causing our worry, then we cannot
change our state of mind through sheer will
power. It is not a matter of determination.
Many try to soothe their anxiety by finding
a motive – some rational motive which is
not the true cause, but makes them feel as
though they understand the true source of
their worries. However, this is a delusion,
and one cannot explain away the problem like
that. We can see this process clearly in children.
A small child worries, perhaps because the
parents’ marriage is shaky and filled with
conflict. It is not providing the child with
the necessary emotional stability. Consequently,
the child feels anxiety, but does know why.
The child will not say, “Please get me psychological
services,” or “I’m worried on account
of my parents’ conflicts and unstable emotional
relationship.” The child will seek some
possible rationalization – for example,
maybe the neighbors’ place was broken into.
The child associates that with the anxiety,
and from then on, break-ins will be a source
of worry and actual fear.
This occurs in adults, too, when we try to
rationalize our anxiety. We seek a reason
– for example, we fear cancer, although
we do not have cancer. Or we live in constant
fear of some downturn in our careers. It is
all the same. The point is that these are
rational explanations, but not true causes.
Ultimately, they can never resolve to our
anxieties. We can bring an end to our anxieties
if we seek out exploratory psychotherapy to
expose the subconscious reason – what traumatized
us and brought out the anxiety in us. If we
succeed in doing so, the anxiety will go away;
if not, it will remain.
Psychopaths Do Not Fear
The three main characteristics of psychopaths
(also referred to as sociopaths) are that
they do not love, they do not fear, and they
do not learn from experience.
Psychopaths do not get anxious in situations
where a normal person would. Anxiety being
a feeling, this also applies to psychotherapy.
Psychopaths have no true
positive emotions. That is why they do not
love. They have desires and motivations. Love,
in the socialized sense, is alien to them.
That is why they also lack empathy, the ability
to put themselves in the situation of someone
who is killed, injured, wounded, etc. They
do not learn from experience, because they
neither worry nor love. That is, they will
recreate the same circumstances in their lives
10, 100, or 1000 times. Therefore, if someone
is put in prison 11 times for break-in robbery
and remains imprisoned for 3 or 4 years, there
is a strong possibility that they will be
arrested again for the twelfth time. This
is because consequences do not matter to them.
They do not learn from experience.
Irrational Fears
What is the difference between anxiety and
fear? Fear has a real object that we can consciously
pinpoint. Fear is conscious.
If you are afraid of bungee jumping, then
that fear will remain until you are delivered
(either by jumping or being rescued) from
the situation. That is quite rational. You
are afraid of the plunge or fatally hitting
your head. That is justified. If you fear
meeting a lion while you are in the jungle,
that is also rational.
There are two types of fear. The first is
rational. Rational fears help us in life,
because they protect us from real dangers.
Thus, we recognize situations that pose danger
to us and try to avoid them. These are rational
fears.
The other type is irrational fear, which we
experience even when we are not in danger.
This is when nothing threatens us, but we
are consumed with fear. Whereas rational fears
help us in our lives, irrational ones make
our lives more difficult. Hence, we consider
them harmful, or pathological.
In its strongest form, an irrational fear
is a phobia – for example, how a well-built
woman of 175 pounds [80 kilos] will scream
in fear at a mouse. What danger does a mouse
pose to her? None at all. Still, she erupts
in fear. This is an irrational fear, a phobia.
How do such irrational fears take shape? It
is quite likely that the anxious individual
was seeking a possible rationalization and
projected that feeling of being threatened
onto mice, snakes, or whatever. In other words,
they convert their anxiety into an irrational
fear. Consequently, the only way to cure a
phobia is for people to revert this mechanism
back to their anxieties. Initially, they must
accept that mice do not represent a real danger.
Then, with exploratory therapy, they must
try to understand what caused their anxiety,
and what caused them to escape from that anxiety
by fleeing into
irrational fears. At that point, they will
be able to overcome the problem completely
with the help of psychotherapy.
Look your fears in the eye, and you will be
greater!
The point of paradox therapy is to create
a model of the sufferer’s fear mechanism.
The model shows the patient running from something
and then the symptom running after. Like an
attack dog. The patient is trying to escape
from situations that give rise to anxiety
or irrational fears. However, the symptoms
are right on their heels. This state of flight
is not good. As a result, people live in constant
fear of their psychological symptoms.
Paradox therapy seeks to reverse this state
of flight. Enough with fleeing! Turn around
and confront your symptoms. Consciously take
them on. In other words, do not let them plague
you at a moment’s notice. Instead, will
yourself to bring them under your regulation.
Look your fears in the eye, and you will be
greater!
A psychologist was treating a woman with sleep
disorder. The patient could not sleep. She
did not want to depend on sleeping pills,
and she dreaded having to toss and turn awake
all night. Her anxiety or her fears, a sense
of danger or peril, would not allow her to
slip into a state of unconsciousness.
If a woman is fleeing from nights and sleeplessness,
then she must break this model. She must decide
not go to bed for four nights. She should
will herself to assume the burden of sleeplessness
and do what she hates the most – for example,
dusting – for four nights straight. When
she is completely tired out, she will fall
into bed whether she wants to or not. This
is a paradox initiation, or paradox therapy,
which breaks the fleeing reaction between
the patient and the neurotic symptoms.
In terms of symptoms, this often works. However,
it does not reach the root of the problem
– why the neurotic symptoms appeared and
why the neurosis remains. While it is true
we can achieve stunning results with paradox
therapy, it fails to get to the true cause.
For this goal, exploratory therapy is by all
means preferable.
Rational Fears
Rational fears indicate actual danger. In
a certain culture or society, fears may grow.
This could be from war, political transformations,
global epidemic, difficulties making a living,
loss of income, poverty, or a host of other
things. The world contains a myriad of situations
that could pose a threat to us.
If we fear these things, it is not considered
chronic or pathological. The anxiety levels
of a society may increase on account of objective
reasons. According to world-famous psychologist
C. G. Jung, the world is full of phenomena
that inspire terror in a normal person; it
is an abnormal person who would not react
with fear or sadness.
The baker on the corner is worried that his
bakery will not survive another year. On top
of that, it is not certain that in 25 years
his hard-earned money will be enough to buy
a small house on the seaside. That is why
there are so many who long to be millionaires
within a year. The world is packed with “get
rich quick” people. Where can I come by
1000 dollars? Where is a good posting? How
can I make a quick profit? Behind this, there
is anxiety. Behind this, there is the fear
of what will become of me in 5 years, 10 years,
and so on. According to Jung, this is not
mental illness. It is a realistic reaction
to society’s ills, and we cannot treat those
as we would a patient.
The Use of Positive Thinking
What is to be done?
The answer is by no means positive thinking.
By that, we do not mean lying to ourselves
that our negative experiences, bitterness,
and sorrow are actually positive. On the contrary,
we should regard things just as negative,
alarming, or frightening as they are in reality.
However, if there is some positive in them,
we should acknowledge it. We should notice
the good things, not just the bad. We should
not pick out life’s negative experiences.
There are people who only consider the negative
outlook as realistic, and they will examine
the present and the past until they have extracted
all the bad and negative events, offenses,
humiliations, etc. On top of that, they go
through them every day, lest they forget a
single one. Good things they regard as a fleeting
dream, as something unreal, an anomaly. This
is a very problematic mindset, the trouble
being that it is impossible to know where
it actually originates.
There are some people who, whatever happens
to them, good or bad, it is constructive to
their personalities. There are other people
who, whatever happens to them, it tends to
destroy or crush their personalities. We need
to pay attention to what we react to more
strongly. What has a greater effect on us
– the negative or positive aspects of life?
People should not immerse themselves in a
sea of fear, anxiety, or panic; because it
has a whirlpool effect, dragging a person
down.
How can we protect against this? It is not
simple. In the case of anxiety, exploratory
psychotherapy can help greatly. Conceivably,
it can solve the problem. Another method is
to approach our fears. Look your fears in
the eye, and you will be greater! After all,
the majority of fears are irrational. Our
bogeymen terrify us, because they are magnified
in our minds. The human imagination can be
a fatal torment.
Things themselves do not torment us, but the
way we imagine them. It is not death that
torments us, but the fantasies we build around
it. We choke with anxiety before taking our
final exams. Then, once we take them, we ask,
“Was that all?” Many times we say it after
an operation, “Was that all?”  if they
are willing to experience them, then the bogeymen
lose their power, or they disappear for the
most part. When we are tormented by what we
imagine, we should proceed boldly and see
what comes of it. Many times, we find that
nothing comes of it. Our fears shrink away,
and the boogeyman disappears.
Love and Fear
This applies to romantic couples, too. We
all provoke our partners, consciously or not,
to see how much we can get away with. How
much far can we test our partner’s tolerance?
If boundaries are not set, then there are
bound to be problems.
In the research of moral development, the
question arises, “What is necessary for
a child or another person to accept a moral
norm?” You can do this, you cannot do that.
The boundary between what we can or cannot
do becomes blurry. Psychological tests have
shown that for a moral norm to be accepted
(either in the case of raising a child or
influencing a partner) a mutual emotional
bond is necessary. In human relationships,
we find the coexistence of love and fear.
If not, then every sort of reaction will be
ineffectual. It will be impossible to raise
the child, or the partner will not adapt,
becoming selfish and taking advantage of the
situation. We must not interpret this sentimentally.
In this case, love means a relationship is
emotionally important to us. It is important
to feel secure and to feel at home in the
world. It is important to find and develop
ourselves. That is what we indentify, subjectively,
as love. The object of our fear is not being
slapped, beaten, or abandoned. Instead, the
fear’s source is that this love, which is
important to us, can be taken away. Everybody
desires unconditional love, but those who
receive it become spoiled by it. Raising a
child is impossible without fear and expectations,
and it is impossible to live with someone
without the motivating factor that we may
lose our partner. There are conditions.
People, in general, do not like this. Inside
of us, there is the infantile desire for unconditional
acceptance. That is irrational. There is no
such thing. A class of students will provoke
a new teacher, subtly or brazenly, to test
the limits of the teacher’s patience and
tolerance – how far they can go before the
teacher pounds on the desk. At that point,
they can adapt to the relationship dynamic.
Draw a Picture of the Monsters
There are works of art we classify as horror
or thriller, which evoke fear and anxiety
in people. Generally, they are condemned or
valued negatively. Are they not the cause
of all the sadistic crimes that happen? No,
this is not so. A child, young person, or
adolescent who is well adapted to society
will not become aggressive or wild from watching
violent or sexually explicit films. If that
were true, then we should show films about
decent, law-abiding citizens in prisons, so
in time they will also become decent people.
We cannot, of course, take that seriously.
Can we take it seriously, though, that art
is truly art when it holds a mirror to reality?
When there is a child who is suffering from
night terrors and wakes up screaming in panic,
we ask the child to draw for us. We are not
happy if the child draws butterflies and flowers,
because we wanted a picture of the monsters
that torment the child at night.
Films indeed portray anxiety and perilous
situations in this threatening and dangerous
world. It is built into the dramaturgy. At
first, it began with a monster (always the
central figure in a crime story or thriller)
that came from the outside. The monster somehow
came from a different world or different planet
into our own.
Then, the case is altered. The monster comes
from our world, but from the past. It rises
from the dead, from old crypts, to exact react
revenge. It was already here, only in the
past.
Afterward, the dramaturgy changed again, and
now we are in the present. The landlady is
the monster, or it turns out that we should
be afraid of the old man. From there, it was
just one more step in the horror or thriller
genre before I become the monster. Well, I
began to investigate the monster’s actions,
and then one day I realized that I have done
those things. That was the end of the story.
Is this negative? I feel it is positive if
the tools of art are used to alert people.
“Careful, you, too, could become a monster!
Other people have changed. Don’t you do
it!”
These realities separate fear from anxiety.
It is a very big question whether we can do
something about it. It is not easy, because
a person can have a relapse.
