Hello, new worker!
Congratulations on being hired!
Before you begin your career at this particular
corporation, you need to learn some keys facts
and helpful tips about being an office worker.
In fact, this orientation may help you in
any line of work.
What brought you here today?
Well, you had a choice: wage labor or starving
to death.
There is no real choice, which makes our current
economic system compulsory and your new position
at this company the best of a bad situation
called capitalism.
One day, when most of the world is ready for
a revolution, that may change, but since that
appears to be a long ways off, you need to
prepare yourself for your career and how best
to interact with your employer.
Everything your employer does is in service
of controlling you.
Even if they don't think of it that way, that
is what's happening all the time.
If your employer is a manager and not an owner,
they still have an implicit mandate from said
owner to control you.
Example: Ever wonder why big corporations
are against universal healthcare even though
it costs those corporations to pay for your
employee healthcare?
It's because that's a bargaining chip they
have to make you continue to work there for
whatever they choose to pay you.
It's all about control.
Surviving your job is about escaping that
control.
To that end, here are some tips that you might
find useful.
Tip #1: Seeing Through Your Employer's Bull.
In order to maintain control over you, sometimes
your employer may gently or not-so-gently
remind you about a concept called time theft,
something they invented that definitely does
not actually exist.
Employers sometimes describe time theft with
examples like incorrectly clocking in, but
really, time theft, to them, is the act of
you doing anything besides labor for their
shift.
Keep in mind that shifts can last from eight
hours to twelve hours – or perhaps more.
Taking a minute to break or briefly checking
your phone for messages from your family are
unacceptable to your employer because that
time could have been spent serving said employer.
The truth is that working non-stop without
breaks or time to stretch your legs is extremely
dangerous both psychologically and physically.
You are a human being and not a machine, and
as such, you require moments of rest and relaxation
– even in the workplace – in fact, especially
in the workplace.
Never taking a moment to go to the water cooler
or talk to a nearby co-worker in the next
cubicle – day in and day out over the course
of years – can cause psychological harm.
Employers call it “time theft” because
it places the responsibility on you and frames
the act of being a human being as a moral
failing.
The
blame is on you for daring to call your loved
ones about something important or simply to
tell them they are loved.
In truth, “time theft” does not make sense
– for multiple reasons.
First, if you are able to complete your tasks
in their work day while also behaving like
a human being and having a snack, then nothing
has been taken from the employer.
Time theft, as a concept, is particularly
strange if your occupation does not depend
on deadlines and instead is done through a
per-customer basis.
Meet Jim.
He spends some time talking to his wife at
work, but since he's one of the top salesmen
and having this psychological outlet helps
his productivity and morale, his employer
should not care.
See, employers institute time theft rules
and reminders because what they really want
is for the workers to work harder than they
have to – harder than they are paid to work.
More hours than they are paid to work.
More time than they are paid to work.
By framing the act of talking to a co-worker
to alleviate some of the mounting stress of
the work day as “time theft,” employers
can both guilt and punish their workers for
not working what is essentially overtime for
no added pay.
Here is a quote from a employer's guide from
a software website trying to sell employers
on the idea that time theft is real:
“To eliminate time theft, it is essential
to create a work environment with the resources
to monitor and prevent it.
Investing in the right software will take
care of many of the administrative issues
that contribute to letting time theft slide
by.”
By “resources to monitor and prevent”
and “investing in the right software,”
this f**king narc is actually saying that
you taking a smoke break or five minutes too
long on your lunch is all the justification
they need to spy on you.
This includes cameras and spy software in
office computers to monitor you as if you
were a prisoner – an Orwellian nightmare
that has become so commonplace that its normalcy
has lead to complacency about fighting back
against this.
Employers don't institute time theft policies
and punishments out of a moral responsibility.
Employers do this to squeeze as much labor
– often free labor – out of their employees
as they legally can.
If an employer demands that a worker perform
their labor more and/or harder than they are
paid to do so, that labor is therefore free.
It is actually the employer who is the thief.
This is called wage theft, which is actually
a thing.
Workers are those who sell their labor to
employers for a set amount of time in exchange
for wages.
A fraction of the value of what the workers
produce comes back to them in the form of
a wage.
The rest is kept, or stolen, by the owners
of the corporation, who generally do no productive
labor themselves.
They can get away with this because under
capitalism, this sort of theft is both perfectly
legal and encouraged.
Illegal forms of wage theft include failure
to pay overtime or failure to pay minimum
wage, but these laws are often circumvented
with little to no consequences by corporations.
If you are wondering which is worse – time
theft or wage theft – it can be solved by
reminding yourself who has significantly more
power.
Enforcing an atmosphere in which “time theft”
is somehow a thing, workers will become even
more stressed about their work.
You could mistreat your own psychological
well-being and actually become less productive
– the opposite of the intention of time
theft enforcement.
To combat this, develop a friendship with
someone in your workplace.
Someone who can cover for you if you're stuck
in an elevator or in traffic.
Employers hate it if you have a friend at
work.
Having a friend at work also means you have
someone who can alert you if your employer
is making their rounds like a beat cop and
hoping to dock your pay for glancing at your
phone in case your sick child needs to text
you.
Solidarity is everything.
Tip #2: Stay Off the Grid.
Your employer is tracking you at all times.
It will never be enough for them that you
do your job.
What they really want is for you to do more
than you are paid to do so they can wring
free labor out of you like a wet washcloth.
Take precautions.
Don't use your corporate email address.
If your employer insists on you using it and
expects to see you using it, only use it to
communicate directly with your employer to
give them that impression.
If you want to communicate with your co-workers
or loved ones while at work, use your private
email address but NEVER on your office computer.
They can and will track that with email surveillance.
Use your own phone, and just in case, never
use the corporate WiFi.
Use your network.
Communicating with your co-workers privately
is necessary to safeguard yourself from any
unfair practices from your employer.
If you're being monitored, you aren't able
to do this, and your employer knows this.
That's why the email surveillance software
is there to begin with.
Any area in which your employer does not have
control over you is unacceptable to them,
so it's best to try to get around this.
Employers will tell you that computers are
company property and that their surveillance
is well within their rights because they own
the computers.
Then, in the same breath, they will tell you
not to email your co-workers on your phones
to avoid their surveillance even though the
phones are YOUR property.
It isn't about use or misuse of company property.
It's about control.
Tip #3: Learn Your Employer's Behavior.
While every employer follows some of the same
tactics, each employer has a different way
of tricking you into performing free labor
for them.
If your employer tells you that they have
a “development opportunity” for you, that
translates into an added project that is not
part of your work schedule nor is it one of
your duties.
Your employer is hoping to trick you into
performing a new task that is not a requirement
of your job to squeeze more labor out of you.
Respond by saying that performing this task
will take away time and effort from your current
tasks.
If your employer insists, remind them that
your current tasks will suffer and that you
cannot be held responsible if this happens
under orders from the employer.
If the employer then responds that you must
do this new task in addition to your current
tasks at the same level of efficiency, remind
them that this will cause you to have to work
overtime and for extra pay.
If they double down and deny you that pay,
tell your employer that you will have to speak
to payroll and whoever is higher up than your
employer on the corporate ladder.
Unless your employer is the sole owner of
the company, there will always be someone
higher up.
That doesn't mean that someone higher up will
be sympathetic to you – heavens no!
It only means that whoever is higher up will
believe your immediate supervisor is losing
control, and they love control.
So, your immediate supervisor doesn't want
you to make that call.
Employers will try to convince you that you
are a “professional” and therefore expected
to put in longer hours.
Even if you're just punching the keyboard,
your employer will pretend that the work is
extremely important.
If you are a salaried worker and you took
the job under the impression that you would
work 40 hours a week, your employer trying
to get you to work an extra 20 hours a week
is like increasing their staff by 50% without
costing the corporation a penny.
Tip #4: Always Look for Something Better.
Employers want to keep you in a state of fear
of losing your job.
When they try to make you work longer hours
for no added pay or harder for no added pay,
they are hoping that you won't quit your job
for something better.
Employers will remind workers of the “bad
economy” which always exists in the minds
of employers regardless of which year we're
in.
For that reason, always look at other job
opportunities comparable to your own.
That way, should your employer tell you that
you wouldn't want to lose your job because
it's “hard out there,” you can respond
by having a pre-made list of jobs to which
you qualify and could easily apply.
Your employer needs you more than you need
your employer.
Your employer is stuck where they are and
is answerable to corporate if you have a loss
in labor.
You do not answer to corporate if you no longer
work there.
When you quit, your responsibilities are over.
When your employer watches you quit, their
responsibilities have only begun, and they
know this.
Tip #5: Get That Bread.
After working for your employer and accepting
their indignities for a few years, you are
entitled to an increase in pay.
Employers generally have the power to do this
but will try to avoid it at all costs.
They would rather keep as much of the yearly
salary increase for themselves.
Employers will pretend their hands are tied
and cite vague rules like “salary guidelines”
or “pressure from corporate” avoid this.
An employer will try to be good cop and place
the blame on a bad cop, probably someone above
them in the corporate ladder who almost never
makes an appearance at the workplace and is
therefore unable to confirm this.
Here's an idea.
Actually ask for specifics.
Do so politely at first under the guise of
your professionalism.
You want to understand the situation more
clearly so that you can be a more productive
worker, after all!
Human Resources might be able to help, but
most likely they will be useless.
HR does not work for you.
HR works for corporate.
HR exists to protect the corporation from
lawsuits and other problems associated with
employees.
HR is actually not on your side.
Tip #6: Cover Your Butt.
This is a quick one but every important.
Document everything that protects yourself.
Documenting your successes is useful for when
your employer insists you have not been doing
your job.
It's also useful when asking for a raise or
a promotion.
Try to build strong relationships with those
inside and outside your department so that
if your employer comes down on you hard for
something that isn't your fault, your have
both the documentation and backup to fight
this accusation.
Tip #7: Beware bootlickers.
Now, some middle managers may sympathize with
your station due to earning a comparable wage,
but some people of a similar economic class
as yourself will choose to have no real solidarity
with you and instead serve higher authorities.
Meet Dwight.
He informs his immediate superior, Michael,
about any suspected infractions by his co-workers.
He also routinely sides with Michael over
his co-workers and sometimes even goes over
Michael's head to speak to corporate.
Unfortunately, Dwight is no anomaly.
He's part of a pattern of behavior common
to the workplace.
These bootlickers are called...class traitors:
members of the working class who directly
or indirectly work against their own class
interests.
The most notable example is the police, who
make a middle class wage at best but serve
the interests of capitalism by controlling
the poor.
You don't have to feel bad for standing up
to them just because they're not rich since
they serve the ruling class more than they
serve you.
Class traitors often have ambitions beyond
their station, and rather than pulling everyone
together to make a better life for the exploited
workers, class traitors seek to be the ones
in charge of the exploitation.
Tip #8: Avoid Manipulation.
An important thing to remember is that the
corporation does not care about you.
The corporation did not hire you as a favor.
Hiring you is an agreement, an exchange of
labor for pay.
The corporation did not do you a favor by
hiring you, it simply wanted to exploit your
labor.
Some employers don't want you to realize this.
A manipulative employer will constantly remind
you of how they helped you in the past by
hiring you.
Again, that's not what happened.
They wanted you to perform labor for the corporation,
and you were willing to do so.
It was an exchange.
That's all that happened.
On occasion, your hiring may have had something
to do with a friend going out on a limb for
you.
But nine times out of ten, your hiring was
impersonal and had to do with the corporation
wanting the most productive worker for the
least amount of pay.
If your employer ever tries to guilt you into
doing something you don't have to do, remind
them of this fact.
They will undoubtedly call you “ungrateful”
– pushing the guilt further – to which
you can reply that the employer is ungrateful
for your already hard work if they are pushing
you to commit to more work than you were hired
to do.
Employers don't want you to think of it that
way.
They only want you to think of the relationship
between employer and employee as that of a
parent and child respectively.
If your employer ever talks to you like a
parent, remind them that this is not a family
but a workplace.
You were hired to do a job.
If your employer wants you to do a new job
only tangentially related to your current
one, then the employer must, in effect, hire
you again for this new occupation, and in
the hiring process, there must be talk of
compensation.
Employers want you to be dependent on them
– not independent – as a matter of control.
They don't want you to be richer than they
are because that would mean losing said control.
The corporation wants you to be of a low economic
class to better control you.
Tip #9: Discuss Comparative Pay.
There is a good chance that some of your co-workers
who perform the same job as yourself and started
at a similar time make more money than you.
This is because compensation is not equal
across the board.
Don't blame them, though.
You are paid only as much as your employer
believes they can get away with paying you.
If you work a minimum wage job, chances are
everyone else makes the same, but if you work
anywhere else, there is probably some disparity
based on how much hardball one worker played
compared to another and sometimes other factors
like gender, cronyism and more.
Employers don't want you to discuss your wages
with other workers because then you might
ask to be paid the same as someone else in
your department.
Corporations and society at large propagate
the idea that discussing your wages is vulgar
and in bad taste, and maybe among strangers
that's true, but among co-workers, there is
solidarity in discussing comparative wages.
If wages are secret, employers can get away
with paying some people less than what they
deserve.
They do this to save money for themselves.
Finally, Tip #10: Join a Union.
If your occupation has a union, join it.
If your occupation or workplace does not have
a union, speak to union leaders in your area
about forming one.
During orientation, there is a good chance
that your employer will either play anti-union
propaganda for you or subtly suggest in conversation
about why a union would be bad for you.
In truth, a union is incredibly good for your
bargaining power and safety.
The only reason a union might be “bad”
for you is that if your employer catches wind
of you starting a union, they will fire you.
A union is only “bad” because of your
employer punishing you for even considering
being in one.
Actually being in one is very helpful.
Employers don't push anti-union propaganda
to protect you.
They push anti-union propaganda to protect
themselves.
Union workers generally enjoy better wages
than non-union workers because unions can
negotiate these wages.
Remember literally every unfair practice by
your employer said earlier?
Those can be mitigated with collective bargaining.
A union takes away some of the control from
the employer, and at the risk of being repetitive,
that's what this is all about: control.
Well, worker, that about wraps it up.
We hope you're ready for an exciting new career
and lifestyle in which you are willing to
question the authority of someone who just
happened to have started working at the company
earlier than yourself.
Good luck to you, and as always, death
to capitalism.
