-*gasp*
Harry!  A snake!
Talk to it.
-Umm... Snakes are really boring.
-Please?
It must be so cool to talk in parseltounge!
-Ugh. fine.
-Sssay, Sss-whats up?
-Ssssup, Do you know where I could find any miccce?
-No!
*Snake attack*
*Bad English Shreiking*
-How Cool!
*More Bad English Sheiking*
-Every Harry
-POTTA (Potter)
-ever
*Theme music play*
-Now, Ms. J.K. Rowling, you've said before
that Dumbledore is gay,
is that something you decided on the spot, or has that always been your intention?
-Oh, I just decided.
Also, Nagini used to be human,
Hagrid's a hoarder,
and Snape sells weed.
-Ooh, well, hold on, that changes the entire context of the story.
-I'm ruining Harry Potter because it isn't for you, it's for me.
-Well-
-Ron wets the bed.
-Okay...
-And Neville's a furry.
-EXPECTO PATRONUM
-So, you want to teach defense against the dark arts.
-Yessir.
-Well, then I just have two questions;
-Do you hate kids, and do you have any secret connection with Voldemort?
-Yes..
and yes!
-Hmm!
-Well, obviously in that case,
you're hired!
-Great!
And my first order of business is to isolate Harry Potter in a locked room as soon as possible.
-And I'd be happy to help with that.
-let's do it, home skillet.
-alright!
-bump
-My wands is actually a stylus.
-'arry, yah luk tired-duh.
[Harry, you look tired.]
-Are you doing that mind connection thing with Voldermort again?
-Maybe.
-Well don't you see that that puts us in danger?
-Yeah?
-Wehl can't yah stohp?
[Well can't you stop?]
*mocking Ron* -I dunt wunt tah stohp-puh.
[I don't want to stop.]
*high pitched scar induced noise*
-(grunts)
It's Voldemort!
He can see us!
And he's coming to kill us right now!
--Ah, seriously Harry...
[Ah, seriously Harry...]
-Why must you make continuously poor decisions that your friends and family have to pay for?!
-*scoffs*
You guys have to be nice to me!
*Sad music*
My parwents [parents] are dead!
*sad English whimper*
-Mister Potter, our newest celebrity.
-Miss McGonagall?
Would you be willing to sign my permission slip to visit Hogsmeade?
-I'm sorry Mr. Potter,
but only parent or Guardian can give you permission.
-So let me get this staight...
I need parental permission in order to go on a field trip to the local village to eat sweets.
BUT...
I don't need any sort of parental permission in order to get
several concussions playing quidditch,
LITERALLY fight a dragon during the triwizard tournament,
AND
as part of a lesson, be attacked by a creature who LITTERALLY takes the shape of your deepest darkest fears!
-That is correct, Mister Potter.
-Oi, I'm Hagrid.
-I need someone else's wand
to kill Harry Potter.
*deep breath*
Lucius...
It wa--
Wait...
What are you doing?!
Why do you have that sandwich in your hand?!
-Oh!
Are these... not... snacks for the meeting?
-Noooo!
That's a horcrux!
-You put a piece of your soul into a sandwich?!
-Well!...
...I guess I didn't really think that one through...
-Uh uh.  I was gonna sa- *shoves horacrux sandwich in mouth*
-*angry noises*
Hey!  Come on, man!
-I'm so sorry, Dark Lord!  I'm just--
I'm a sucker for avacado!
-*Dark Lord sigh*
-Am I the only one here that thinks Voldemort got a nose job?
*TV
-oh, no... dementors...*
-Yoooo!
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is on!
-I hate this movie.
No, but I thought you loved Harry Potter.
Yeah, the books, but the movie ruined the story.
-...Well, this seems pretty much the same to me.
-Okay.
*exasperated sigh.*
In the book, Dumbledore CALMLY asks Harry if he put his name in the goblet
BUT in the movie,
he YELLS it.
-So the entire story is ruined because of the delivery of one line.
Even though the line itself is EXACTLY the same.
-YES!!!
Finally!  Someone who gets it!
-Is that Moaning Murtle?
-No, that's Jake.  He had Taco Bell.
-Oh...
-Luk owt, Harree!  A dahmentoorrrr...
[Look out, Harry.  A demntor.]
-Expelliarmus!
-What?  No, Harree. [Harry]  
They don't have wannnnds. [wands]
Ya gotta summon a patronus or 
somethinggg. [something]
-Expelliarmus!!
-Oh come on, Harreee!  [Harry]
-Okay!...
Don't be angry with me but, that MIGHT be the only spell that I know.
-Rellay Harree?
[Really Harry?]
-You have to be nice to me, Ron!
*sad music*
My parents are dead!
-*under breath*
Always the parents!
-Hey, Ron.
-Wuhat, Harree...
[What, Harry...]
-Can I date your sister?
-No, Harreee!  [Harry]
-I'll give you chocolate?
-Okay, Harree.  [Harry]
-Woah!  Run, Ron!
-Every Harry
POTTA [Potter]
Ever
*beep beep*
-Now, Ms. Dumbledore you said before that--
Sorry...
-*Laughter*
-No, no.
*beep beep*
-Let's go make a baby.
-Yes.
*baby making foot steps.*
*beep beep*
Yo! Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is on!
-*Ridiculous voice*
Uh, I hate--*laughs*
Sorry...
-*Laughs*
*imitating ridiculous voice.* 
Uh, I hate this.
beep beep.
-Ah!  Ahh!  *voice cracks*
*laughs and coughs*
-*crew laughs*
*beep beep*
-'ello, there!  I'm Harry Potter!
If you enjoyed the video and my trash English accent,
click the box on the left to watch 
"The Big What if...:Harry Potter."
-Or if want to watch a video of the World's most popular trick shot squad, hit that box on the right.
-Do it!
-Yas.
-Expecdo--do it.
