Transcriber: TED Translators admin
Reviewer: Reiko Bovee
I know what it's like to be stuck.
Today I would like to share with you
a lifetime of experience
where I have been trying to understand
the condition of what I call "stuckness".
Being stuck is when your mind
and body are functioning separately.
It's like living your life
with your emergency brake on.
It's been my great pleasure
for over 40 years
to be a student of Koichi Tohei Sensei
who in 1953, brought the martial art
of Aikido from Japan to this country.
Indeed, the kimono that I am wearing today
is from another one of teachers,
Iwao Tamura Sensei.
When Tamura Sensei passed away
he was the most senior student
and instructor in Japan
of Koichi Tohei Sensei.
His widow, Mrs. Tamura, was kind
enough to bestow upon me
Tamura Sensei's formal kimono
which I wear today in his honor.
(Japanese) I'd appreciate your support.
(Applause)
You know the art of Aikido
is really quite simple.
When you are completely relaxed,
your mind and body are naturally one.
What I would like to do
is use some examples today
from the martial art of Ki-Aikido
to give you an experience
so that you can understand
what I'm talking about,
the difference between your mind
and body being separate,
and your mind and body being one.
I'll give you an image
to make that more clear.
Suppose I was out here,
and you said, "You know what?
David will come out here
and talk about sweetness."
Can you imagine a life where you've
never tasted anything sweet before?
And I am supposed to give you
a lecture to help you understand it?
If I just took one of these M&M
and gave it to each and every one of you
in the auditorium and said,
"Plop that baby in your mouth."
You do that, "Whoa, that's nice."
I had that experience.
That is my goal today, but what I will do
is try to give you some tools.
I am going to actually work
with some participants from the audience
to help us to reach that state.
Anyway, that's my goal.
Alright.
What is being stuck?
Let's define that first.
It could be something really simple.
You don't know how
to feel relaxed and calm
when you are making
an important decision,
or maybe you feel
that you have lost control;
others have all the control around you;
maybe you feel like a victim.
Or this one looks more like
road rage or something.
This is just the condition of being angry.
So, to start this if you would please,
I want you to look at me
like this gentleman
- just in your imagination,
because I want you to get in the state -
look at me as if you're really,
really mad at me.
Oh, good. What you've done is a good one.
(Laughter)
Whoa, all of you, oh yeah.
I have harmed you, I have wronged you.
Do that for just a second
and then stop and examine your state.
Isn't it the case that you have
come up slightly out of your chair?
Isn't it the case that maybe
your shoulders are slightly tense?
Maybe some tension
in the back of your neck?
Many of you I saw,
even though the lights are bright,
your forehead's becoming really wrinkled.
And how about your vision?
Did I become kind of the target
of your tunnel vision,
and you lost sight
of the people around you?
This is an example of the physiological
and emotional condition
which is essentially being "stuck."
This is an extreme case
because you are angry,
but this one might be more
of something you can relate to.
You feel like everyone else
has control at work
where we spend so much of our time.
How did this happen?
Why is it we get "stuck"?
Well, guess what?
Stuckness is hard-wired in us.
it is actually in our biology.
I can make the point very simply by
talking about your daily life experience.
How hard is it for you
to change basic behavior?
How many of you have ever said,
"I am going to lose weight
and keep it off"? Raise your hand.
Good.
How many of you said, "I'm going to stick
to that exercise program.
I made that New Year's resolution;
boy, am I going to stick to it!"?
How about, "I am going to change my life.
I am going to manage my time differently,
so I can spend more time at home."
Oh, lots of parents 
out there doing that one.
Or how about you athletes,
"I'm going to change my swing, my shot.
I am going to do something
to take my game to the next level."
In all those examples,
was it easy or hard?
Hard, of course, so I have 
another theory: we are all addicted.
You know what we are addicted to?
The way in which we've always done things.
And one of those addictions is the habit
of separating your mind and body together.
That's the problem.
So I am going to give you a solution image
I am going to work with for this talk.
Consider an iceberg.
Take a look at that iceberg.
There are two parts to it.
The top half is the part
that you can see,
and notice it is the smaller part.
That's your physical body.
So you can look at me and say,
"OK, I have a pretty small physical body,"
but your mind is the part that is
below the surface of the water;
you can't see the mind.
Can you see my mind? No.
And I can't see yours either,
but we know we have one.
So here is the thing.
When we talk today
about living our life by design,
what I would like to share with you
is that it is truly possible
to live your life
with your mind and body coordinated,
and that would be
like using the full power
of your iceberg every single day
rather than being stuck.
Something about this
deserves some attention here.
Guess what?
Even though we tend to be in the habit
of separating our mind and body,
I can share with you a realization
that your mind and body is always one.
You just do not pay attention
to it. It is unconscious.
I will give you an example.
How many of you are thinking
right now about your heart beating?
Don't have to.
What about your lungs going in and out?
How about your blood circulating?
How about cells that are growing
and decaying in your body at all times?
You don't have to think about that.
So if you think about it like this,
"Hmm, something is going on
where my mind and body is unified
unless I create conditions to be stuck
and therefore not operate
at my peak performance level."
How about this? I am a philosopher;
I'll take it even further.
I would propose to you
not only is your mind and body one
but you are one with the Universe.
Whoa, sounds heavy, right?
But think of it very basically
like the examples I have been giving.
How long can you go without food?
The experts say about 30 days.
Think of it, so you have to get
something from outside yourself, energy,
to simply sustain your body.
If you are not doing that
on a regular basis you cease to exist.
How about this? How long
can you go without water?
Three days.
Ready for this one?
Do you know where I'm going?
How long can you live without air?
If you are not exchanging food,
water, and air at all times,
that is your connections
to the Universe itself,
but it goes unnoticed.
So what is the significance of this?
The significance is
in daily life you are the ones
that cause tension and separation
that cause you to be stuck
by walking around with a world view
that we are all separate.
It's me versus you, us versus them,
or here's a big one:
employees versus management.
It is like there is tension in everything
we do, but it is a frame of reference
that I think we're addicted to
that we carry around with us.
Alright, let's see
if we can make this more clear
by doing some physical examples
kind of some kinesthetic things.
I am going to ask for some help
from people from the audience here
that have been kind enough to volunteer
or "volun-told," I'm not quite sure.
(Laughter) (Applause)
Alright, this is my friend Derek.
We just met today.
But I want you to imagine.
Derek is a big guy.
You are a big guy.
I said, "Can we get a big guy?"
I want you to imagine this.
I put up this skeleton here.
I want you to imagine
Derek is the skeleton right now.
Guess what, the weight of Derek's body
is susceptible to the laws
of gravity just like this clicker.
So that means when Derek stands relaxed,
the physiological center of his body
is about three and a half inches
below his navel.
By the way, it is the same for all of us.
You see this pelvic girdle;
notice how it is like a bowl shape?
The purpose of that part of your anatomy
is to support the upper
weight of your body.
So here is where I am going.
I'm going to ask Derek to concentrate
on the physiological center of his body,
and I want you guys to do this as well.
First everyone go up on your toes.
Softly down, very good.
OK now with your inside arms,
I am just going to touch
Derek's sternum right here.
Derek, I want you
to keep thinking right here.
So everyone, think about your center.
And I am just going
to give him an experience,
I'm pressing not hard,
but I am pressing in this direction.
Do you feel stable?
He is like a rock,
extremely stable; very good.
Now the only variable I want,
to make this a fair experience
is stand the exact same way, Derek,
but just think on the very top
of your head.
You can even touch the top of your head
like you're getting a haircut,
you're combing your hair, whatever.
But keep your mind right up there.
Exactly, exactly, exactly!
I know it's very powerful.
Try this at home when you do this
with somebody else,
because here is the deal.
Remember when I asked you a minute ago
to sit there and look at me with anger?
Do you think when you're stuck
- do you think in daily life -
when you feel fear,
tension, and anxiety,
do you think it's more likely
your world view is up here,
or do you think it's nice and down here?
Of course, it's up here.
So guess what, you now
know those conditions
where you're not operating
to the best of your ability.
When you feel stuck, guess what,
your weight is coming up.
Your mindset is coming up.
It is like separating
the two halves of your iceberg.
Alright, here is what we are going to do.
It's very powerful.
Derek is going to help me because
we're doing time management here.
Now I'm going to do the same thing.
So to show you how powerful this is,
I am going to keep one point.
(Japanese) Itten Ni kokoro
o shizume tooitsu suru.
(English) in Japanese
simply means "Keep one point."
It's fun to say in a crowd.
(Laughter)
OK, just push. Push more, more,
more, harder, harder;
he is a big guy, but why is
it I am not moving?
Derek: That's creepy.
David Shaner: It's creepy!
(Laughter)
It could get creepier!
How much time do we have?
No, just kidding.
So he is pushing really, really hard,
but I am just relaxed talking
to you like it's no problem.
Do you know why?
Because I am just keeping one point.
Yeah, it is possible for you to do it.
In fact, Derek I won't show you anything
I can't teach you in five minutes.
You're a big guy, you did
really well, just think here.
Now to help you I am going
to do this gradually.
I am going to push; you are doing
great. So keep thinking here.
Many people tend to think
about my hand but don't do that.
You're doing it already;
you know what it is.
It is counter intuitive.
All I had to do was show
him what's possible,
and his mind shifted
like, "Oh, I can do that."
You did that so well. I'm going
to take it to another level.
Let's back up a little so that
you don't hit that speaker.
Here's what we're going to do.
(Laughter)
There was a reason why we were the last!
Alright, here I am pushing real hard.
OK, Derek, walk forward.
OK here is what happened.
By the way, all of you would have done
what my friend Derek just did.
Alright so you press again. Go ahead,
press hard, kimono has many layers.
Push hard and then say, 
"David, walk forward."
Derek: David, walk forward.
DS:, OK, so Derek's style is this.
What happened? Where did my mind go?
Guess what, that is the habit
of separating your mind and body.
My mind, Derek's mind went
to the one place that I was holding him.
But look at this.
Push hard, push hard, push hard.
Get this. He is not holding my legs.
Push really hard and then say,
"David, walk forward."
Derek: David walk forward.
OK! (Laughter)
You have to change your concept
to understand how you can
use your whole iceberg.
Derek: Try that again!
(Laughter) (Applause)
I told you, this was going to be fun.
Alright, Derek, here we go.
You know my teacher always says,
"Make sure they do it correctly."
OK; now just walk forward, exactly!
I am this puny, little guy.
I can't hold you back.
Alright, let's do one more exercise.
OK, everyone you can try, too.
I want you to hold your right arm
out straight, really tight.
Use all your muscles.
Look at that. You're huge.
Here is what I am going to do:
I'll put one hand here, on the wrist,
one hand here, and I'll try to put
his thumb onto his shoulder.
Use all your strength,
real tight, tight, all of your muscles.
He is much bigger than I am,
and I can't-- even though I got two arms.
He's huge but I just wanted him
to experience like an M&M. That's hard.
Now you do me. Go ahead really hard.
I am going to try and resist with my body.
Go ahead. Push hard.
Aw, yea! Did you hear that pop?
Derek,: Yeah.
(Laughter)
Alright, now I am going
to do it again relaxed.
Use all your power as hard as you can.
Go ahead. 1, 2, 3, go.
Bend my arm. Use your legs. Use your hips.
(Laughter)
OK, what's happening here?
I am not participating.
(Laughter)
Feels weird, doesn't it?
Alright, I've already told you.
I won't show you something
I can't teach you.
Here's the image I am using.
All of you do this.
When you hold out your arm,
I want you to imagine
that the back wall is on fire.
Just like this picture,
your one point now, Derek,
is like a fire hydrant,
and water is gushing out your arm.
So much so that with your fingers,
you can spray the black wall.
Exactly, now probably, that is right.
Now it feels like I am not
even pressing on you, right?
Derek, Right.
You know why?
Because you are not pressing back.
It's not your versus me, us versus them,
employees versus management.
If you just change and accept
how connected you already are,
amazing things develop.
Alright, let's thank Derek and the others!
(Applause)
OK, so let me show you,
when we do this...
He is doing the same exercise.
This is Rich by the way.
He's an aikido person.
So I can just be very relaxed.
The normal everyday mindset is,
"Oh, I have to throw him.
It's martial arts."
So then I get in here,
and I'm going right against
where he is holding me.
That is what Derek did
when he walked right into my hand.
But what if I am unstuck,
and I move from my whole iceberg?
All I'm doing is respecting his opinion;
he was going with all that direction.
So why not say, "Oh, OK."
(Laughter)
Here is daily life: he is the boss;
I am the employee, or husband, wife,
friends who become enemies;
he is pushing as hard as he can,
but what if I'll keep one point,
use this unbendable arm,
he is pushing, pushing,
and I can feel like,
"I feel very good," but I am also stuck.
If I really want to move
through life without conflict
when I am faced with a problem like this,
why don't I become unstuck and do this?
You know what he did?
He stopped pushing.
Do you know why?
I wasn't there.
(Laughter)
You can't push against something
that's not there, right?
So it is very simple;
in daily life he is pushing,
but think about this
in psychological terms.
Do you know what he really wants?
He wants to be understood.
So if I do this, he is probably thinking,
"Oh, now you're my partner.
I can use my words,
I can validate, I can say "I get it."
You know what will happen?
He probably thinks,
"Oh, that's pretty cool."
Because now, guess what?
Now, both of us are able
to share a perspective.
This is real conflict avoidance.
You know, this is a basic art.
We call it "Katate dori kote nage."
It is the most basic art
in Shinshin Toitsu Aikido.
So if he comes...
All I am doing is respecting his power.
He comes again.
Don't move.
Just move with him. Right?
"Shomen uchi." Just move.
"Tsuki." Maybe a front punch.
That's it!
So all I am doing
is getting out of the way.
He comes, I say, "Thank you
very much. Let's go this way."
You're OK?
(Laughter)
A small demonstration.
OK, so now, daily life.
What does this mean for daily life?
We started out saying,
when you go through life,
you are very, very busy,
but often, you feel stuck.
What we learned in this exercise
is you can remove the "stuckness,"
in your own mind
and begin to live your life
with the full power of your iceberg.
I will give you three examples
at home, in athletics, and at work.
At home, shouldn't we be the best
we can be with our loved ones?
But think of it.
Isn't it the case
that the most trivial arguments
and the most trivial misunderstandings,
when you complete
the other person's sentences
before they finish, it turns out
your answer is wrong?
(Laughter)
This is daily life.
But what if you were to choose 
instead of being stuck,
as soon as you feel your center rising,
as soon as you feel that tension,
wouldn't it be great
in a nanosecond you could say,
"Boom! Keep one point"?
And your whole world changes.
You become calm, relaxed; you see clearly.
How many people does it take
to have an argument?
So what if you choose
not to participate in being stuck
and be willing to move
to adapt and understand
what the person
is really thinking or doing?
And they're probably be likely
to do the same for you.
How about this in athletics?
Last example, last weakness exercise.
Hold out your hand as tight as you can.
Just stick it out like that.
Oh, you're a great audience, thank you.
Now shake it as fast as you can.
I see there's a lot
of frustrated athletes.
Now, relax your hand.
Shake it as fast as you can.
Which's faster?
(Audience) The relaxed hand.
Of course. Well, guess what?
I have a surprise,
high school physics slide.
(Laughter)
[F=MxA] [Force=Mass x Acceleration]
Can you change the mass of your hand?
Can you change
the acceleration of your hand?
Yes, that's why peak performing athletes
understand that speed and power
is also a function of relaxation.
And when you are completely relaxed,
your mind and body are one.
Finally, work.
The average life expectancy
is 27,500 days.
You are going to spend
half to 2/3 of those days at work.
Why not choose to be
a positive vehicle for change?
In a big business
there are many perspectives,
and you always have the opportunity
Instead of being stuck to say,
"Let me understand finance,
merchandising, operations,
and human resources."
Or if it is a school or a government,
there is always an opportunity
for you to make a difference.
As long as you are going
to spend most of your life at work,
why not choose to make it like
church, temple, or synagogue,
as an opportunity to be
the very best you can be?
I would like to leave you
with one thought.
You know, I've been teaching
this stuff for a long time,
but the older I get, the more I think,
"Here is an idea worth spreading."
Wouldn't it be great
if every elementary school child,
every high schooler could learn an option,
rather than becoming
hard-wired to be stuck,
to actually learn these basic principles
that are so easy to understand
and give everyone an opportunity
to truly live their life by design?
Thank you very much.
(Applause)
