these are the pickup lines in our country
north india did you have your lunch?
oh now you get it!
did you had your lunch
in the south...coffee aitha madam
uh yeah
was it filter coffee?
all of India
all of Pakistan
all of Sri Lanka
the biggest pick up line of all
nice dp
i want to talk about something that every
IT person
and everybody generally 20s and their 30s
in this country deals with
you guys ready yes?
let's go for the ride, ok
ladies do you like us Indian men?
wow
the enthusiasm
the energy even the wifes are like let's see
where he's going with this
come on ladies do you like us Indian men?
really
four of you
no ladies come on, Indian men generally
we are nice
we are sweet
we are honest
we're intelligent
we are hard working, we are independent
if our mother let's us be
we are all these things
we are really good people
caretakers care givers
we are all of that stuff
in real life
in person
but in the movies
on the internet
on social media
we are the creepiest men
hands down
in the universe
like there's a reputation of a lot of us
you know how we have a stereotype that like
people in Nigeria will want to get into your
bank details
yeah nobody here wants your bank details
but they wanna make a deposit
some of you don't get that
nah HDFsee fixed deposit it's good!
good interest rate that's how I got the fancy
house
it's very nice
L eye see Jeevan Bheema package
not all men but there's a good chunk
in this country right and you know them
right you've seen it right
like it's so interesting
the confidence
that some Indian men have behind a keyboard
it's like Ok if i've been telling a computer
what to do
what if i can tell a random white girl in
texas what to do
what if I could tell a ranodm white girl in
texas what to do
it's like madam, send bobs!
send bobs and vegan
some of you have no idea what i'm talking
about
uncle let me explain
Indian men we are known across the world
for being creepy with our typos
hang on
send bobs
you know what we're talking about now?
this place is called double O heaven
i'll give you a hint
i'm just letting you know
that's what i'm talking about
because Indian men we are known for this
it's insane
you know what the best part i love about India
i've been here almost ten years
the best part about India
is everyone now has internet access
you know what the worst part about India can
be sometimes...
everybody has internet access
because when you get internet before you're
ready
somebody's askin for bobs
you know what I mean
and how do programmers mess this up
how do programmers make a typo on that
programmers are so good
with every semicolon
every parentheses
in the right place
all of a sudden, they get desperate
that's when they lose character?
ahhh guys
i knew you'd like that
i was like i hope they don't beat me to the
punch
not all Indian men are creepy
for sure
just like not all Nigerians are scamsters
definitely
and ladies let me tell you something
all men are creepy
ok
like come on
all of us have been there growing up
fumbling our way through adolescence
all of us but you know
with a black guy or a white guy or a spanish
guy
they send you the six pack and are like "Hey
you sexy uh"
and the girl is like ok
i know what i'm getting into
i understand
but some of us Indian men
like those other guys they slide in your DMs
we hide in your DMs
that's what we're doing
because it's not just look the guys who are
honest
show me this
shoe me that
it's like cool i'm gonna block you
i carry on
but the middle class guys
oh they're the ones you gotta watch out for
just cause you're middle class you can't buy
class
we know these guys
one lady clapping she's like
yeah
i didn't know this was a Ted talk but nice"
I love it right
let me explain
because we're just coming off a crazy time
last year
i'm embarrassed to say this
but i've done it growing up in my 20s
guys
how many of you
have ever sent a girl
you did not know
a message on Facebook or Instagram?
oh
just me and that guy?
really? just the two of us? the rest of you
are lying
bro respect
the first time in your life being a creep
it paid off
i've done it you've done it
facebook makes it so easy
it's lik hey
"people you may know"
"56 mutual friends"
but i've never met her?
just do it.
just us 2?
the rest of you are lying
guys you know how I know you're lying?
hey ladies how many of you have ever received
a message, from a guy, on Facebook or Instagram?
OMG would you look at that
all of the girls hands went up
even the wife, still happens
all the girls hands went up, none of the guys
this guy...really?
bro...hash tag not all men bro!
this guys is like "bro those are the north
indians!"
bro those are the north Indians who do that!
i do this joke in Chandigarh they're like
bro! those are the south Indians! those are
the South Indians who do that!
and here is the thing right
like I said
the other creepy guys in the world
you know when they are trying to hit on you,
you'll know and you block them
it's like you understand and you move on with
your life
but the scary guy
the guy in your office
the random uncle who had one mutual friend
and you're like ok fine whatever
the landlord or ex landlord
those guys are the weirdest
because they come at you
i dunno why i'm looking right at you
because a lot of the other guys they want
to get straight to your pants
but some of us middle class Indian men
we're like that mosquito
that keeps flying by your ear
stop it yeah
stop it
because every girl
has got the next 3 messages
from a guy
she doesn't know
on facebook
named Santosh
Santosh or Piyush or Kishore
i don't know why ladies you don't believe
me check your message folder
because Indian men here's what's so crazy
about us
all the other men are creepy directly
but we try so hard not to be creepy
we go full circle
that we end up becoming twice as creepy
these are the pickup lines in our country
north india did you have your lunch?
oh now you get it!
did you had your lunch
in the south...coffee aitha madam
uh yeah
was it filter coffee?
all of India
all of Pakistan
all of Sri Lanka
the biggest pick up line of all
nice dp
nice display pic is a marriage proposal in
this country
ok
you know it's true
and so a friend of mine, a girl, anjali
she heard me tell this story and she was like
sanjay
you're type casting Indian men
i was like not all
she's like I don't care, it's not right
you shouldn't do that
and then right as she says that her phone
vibrates
and she gets a message
from a guy
she did not know
on facebook
and i kid you not
the message read
this guy's name was Vishnu
Santosh and Piyush they were off that day
they were out on holiday
having their dosa at Shanti Sagar
they were off
she gets a message from a guy
and 100% true story
i have the screen shot
the message read
hey anjali
have you ever faked
your organism?
have you ever
faked
i like how you're high fiving spreading organisms
I love that
have you ever faked your organism
then i got defensive because she was like
FINE sanjay, you're right!
all Indian men are creepy
you happy? you win, go to hell
then I got defensive
then I thought wait what if he's not creepy!
all of a sudden I changed my tune
because there's nothing more Indian that having
double standards
it's like I'm a hypocrite when it's convenient
for my case
so then I got defensive
i played the devil's advocate trying to take
his point
i was like listen Anjali Anjali Anjali like
Anjali
Anjali..ok look
if it's a typo and he meant
what I think he meant
yes we all agree
he should be arrested
go to hell
because we know what he meant
OR
Anjali listen liten
he's just very deep ya?
he's just poetic
he's a poet
amazing
he's like hey!
Anjali
have you ever thought you were somebody your'e
not in this universe
neil degrasse tyson carl sagan
the cosmos
who are we? we're all made from the stardust
have you ever faked your organism
and she was like OMG
sanjay OMG
i'm gonna tell my friend Jina
Jina Jina come look at this
this is amazing!
OMG!
he could be the one!
my soulmate!
and I was like yeah
you respond to him
and she takes her phone
and she sends him a response
i shouldn't have been so presumptuous
i'm so sorry no i never faked my organism
but i understand what you mean
hi how are you?
and the guy was like "oh that's good to hear"
Had ur lunch?
