[Ben] Previously on Hot Quest. All of this
imbuing you with magical abilities has
left me rather weak.
[Sam] But if we challenge him to, to bowling?
[Ben] You knocked down more,
more pins than he pinned making you the
Pinlord now. So I guess
this is yours and he hands you the half
of the talisman. They now find themselves
in the sprawling and largely fictitious
border town of Furrowville.
[Mikey] We're looking for the other pieces of this talisman.
[Ben] It was stolen when a gang of giant spiders came in.
Dealing a considerable wedge of damage.
[Elisa] Sorry about
all that back there, but we're trying to save the world.
[Everyone] *Excited noises*
[Mikey] That's a talisman!
[Ben] Here you go. Here is the section of talisman.
[Theme Song] Hot Quest, Hot Quest
may I interest you in a
Hot Quest, Hot Quest
may I interest you in a
Hot Quest, Hot Quest
may I interest you in a
Hot Quest, Hot Quest
[Ben] It hasn't been long since you collected
the talisman piece from the spider queen
and jumped into the Dive-Mobile
heading north along interstate 35
towards Oklahoma City. There
the completed talisman will imbue a
great champion with an unknown power to
hold back a tremendous evil.
You know that there is just one stop
left on the way to Oklahoma City
a detour that will allow you to collect
the third and final piece
of the talisman. But 20 minutes into the
drive
Lorem the Wise, formerly a human wizard
and currently a rather grubby looking
little mouse,
scurries up Mikey's neck and whispers a
secret into his ear.
I don't actually remember where I left
the third piece of the talisman.
[Zoe] That tracks.
[Mikey] Oh, oh, okay well.
[Ben]  I don't, I don't remember. I'm sorry.
[Zoe] Can I cast locate object?
[Mikey] Zoe dunkin' on the mouse like two seconds in. Boom!
[Ben] Yeah do you want to, uh do you have to do a roll for that or?
[Zoe] It's a concentration
up to 10 minutes, so like I'm gonna ask
Elisa to turn the music down a bit, but
like past that we should be fine.
[Elisa] Yeah, yeah that's fair.
[Ben] So the music gets turned down.
What music are we listening to on this particular?
[Mikey] I was gonna ask the same question.
[Elisa] We've since
moved from the sort of hyper
Venga Bus kind of hype moment. I think
it's time to
to chill out a little bit. So, uh, so we
got a little lo-fi.
[Ben] Perfect, lo-fi beats to look for
talisman pieces to.
So you, you, you are sitting and you are
concentrating for the ten minutes as you
try to focus on where this,
this third piece of the talisman is and
then you finally you like, you feel,
you feel where this talisman is and it is
20 feet to your right.
and then it's 10 feet to your right. And
then something
swipes the side of the, of the Dive-Mobile
and I need everyone to do a
uh give me a dec saving throw.
[Mikey] I rolled a two.
[Elisa] That's gonna be a nat 20.
[Ben] That is a nat 20. Elisa is good.
[Mikey] It's next to the nat 20. It's like proximity close.
[Ben] It has a two in it. It's basically the same number.
[Mikey] It's basically the same.
[Sam] I got a five. [Ben] Cool. 
[Zoe] I got a 10.
[Ben] So Mikey and Sam, uh, you are going to take
five bludgeoning damage.
Zoe you are gonna take
one bludgeoning damage, as the Dive-Mobile
spins through the air and it lands on, let's see where it lands.
I'm gonna roll the
dice to see whether what it lands.
Uh, it lands on its side. I'm going to say,
Zoe, by the way, this probably breaks
your concentration.
[Zoe] Yeah, I would assume.
[Ben] You, you feel the ground shake as you feel the this, this stomping, um, coming towards the
uh towards the the Dive-Mobile. What do
you do?
[Mikey] I, I'm at 29 health already something just hit us. 
[Sam] Yeah I'm already down to 58 so, um.
[Ben] It's a hard life.
[Mikey] Go to jail, Sam.
[Sam] Um, I'm gonna unbuckle my seat belt.
[Zoe] Yeah I'm getting as far away from the car as possible.
[Ben] You're able to escape from, from the Dive-Mobile, and you see this
large, imposing, physical
presence and it appears to be made out
of a mixture of dirt and
soil and lumber and tools.
It looks like the kind of things one
might find in a hardware center and
indeed, uh those of you getting out of
the other side of the car
can see that you've landed in the
parking lot of a
tool and hardware store that has
apparently been occupied by,
by fantasy creatures because the sign
has been graffitied and now reads
Gnome Depot 
[Zoe] Powerful. I think we have to deal with the thing
that just crashed this car. [Everyone] Yeah. 
[Zoe] And has the talisman part in it
cause that's where my spell was saying
it was.
[Ben] It is moving towards you with a
tremendous speed and you can see it's
raising its arms to kind of crush them
down on the car.
[Elisa] Okay, I cast hold person.
[Ben] Uh, tell me about hold person and also this might be the end of this episode.
[Elisa] Oh, no. Choose a humanoid that you
can see within range, um,
which is 60 feet. The target must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or be paralyzed for the duration.
[Ben] Technically this thing does classify is classified as a humanoid. Yeah.
But, I'm gonna upset you here. I don't
have to do the roll.
It is immune to being paralyzed [Elisa] Aaaaah!
[Sam] Do we see this fragment anywhere on it?
[Ben] No, you if it's there you can't see it,
but what you can see
is it is now bringing its fists down on
the car, so I need everyone to roll a
dexterity saving throw to avoid being
crushed.
[Mikey] Oh that's my bad one. Oh no. [Ben] Oh no!
[Sam] 12.
[Ben] 12, okay. [Elisa] 10.  [Ben] 10, okay.
[Zoe] 11. [Mikey] 19!  [Ben] Woooooo!
[Ben] Mikey, I've never been prouder of you than I am
in this moment. In what I will call a
sharp twist of irony, Mikey is the only
person able to roll away from the car in time.
Every one of you takes six bludgeoning damage,
and you can see this thing kind of winding up for uh, uh for another attack.
[Elisa] Should we run the safety and assess the situation?
[Ben] Within running distance you have the Gnome Depot, and the freeway.
[Mikey] Is there any way to, to deduce if the gnomes in Gnome Depot know what's going on?
[Ben] Give me that perception check.
[Mikey] 10. Oh wait, 10 plus 6, that's 16.
[Ben] Yeah, you absolutely make out
some, uh, some figures on the roof of the
Gnome Depot that do appear to be gnomes
kind of
looking in your direction kind of
watching what is happening and as soon
as they catch you looking at them their
heads kind of duck down again.
[Sam] I'm going to take a wild
stab and say that the
horrible creature made out of things
that were from Home Depot
probably is on their side. I'm
just angry about that, like I'm they're
you're not gonna talk me down from
attacking the giant lumber.
[Zoe] Cool, yeah, then Sam I'm going to cast
Haste on you,
if you just want to go aggro on this
thing. I don't know if it's a good idea.
I don't know if I should be supporting
this behavior, but i'm also pissed and at 22 hp so.
[Elisa] I hold up my phone.
[Sam] What does Haste do? 
[Zoe] Uh choose a willing creature
that you see within range, until the
spell ends the target speed is doubled,
it gains a plus two ac, it has advantage
on dexterity saving throws
and it gains an additional action on
each turn. That action can be used
only to take the attack, dash, engage
disengage, hide or use an object.
[Ben] Yeah, um I will also say you do need a
component to do this spell which is uh
uh licorice. Do you have any Twizzlers?
[Zoe] It's a road trip.
[Mikey] If I'm in the car we have Twizzlers. I will go on the record on that one.
[Zoe] When the spell ends the target can't move or take actions for a turn, so just a heads up.
[Sam] Well you already cast it. So for my first attack.
Oh, sorry, hold on, I am going to enter my
battle rage as a bonus action.
and I'm going to, I think, attack whatever
is closest to me, part of it, probably one
of the legs I assume.
[Ben] Do it, I'm not going to stop ya.
[Sam] Alright, I'm doing that. How's the 25 do?
[Ben] 25 will do it.
[Sam] Okay that's 10 damage. Okay and then for my second attack, which I got when i reached level 5. 22?
[Ben] That I think hits.
[Sam] Okay. Then that's gonna do...
[Zoe] Elisa and I are just like gramming this
whole thing.
Making wicked boomerangs. Putting the
little cat filter on Sam as he goes aggro.
[Sam] Yeah, okay that's
14 damage on the second attack and then
I'm going to use that
third attack that Zoe gave me. Okay that is a 17.
[Ben] Uh, that hits.
[Sam] Uh okay, so that is 13 damage.
[Ben] You do a total of 21 damage. It takes a
couple of steps backwards and staggers
and seems kind of
stunned for the moment, um, but it is
still very large, very much in charge
and very eager to, uh to turn you all
into a kind of a fine
kind of powder or pate, that might be
smeared on a, a bagel or just a you know
piece of,
you know, toasted white bread. What is,
what does everyone want to do? You can
you can continue the combat if you want.
I'll have everyone roll initiative
uh, but uh, what do you what do you want
to do long term?
[Zoe] I mean, it seems like the safer bet is to
go deal with the gnomes
that are probably causing this. [Elisa] Yeah. [Zoe] and not... Though we will have to carry Sam
if we do that.
[Mikey] Can anyone put Sam to sleep for a moment?
[Ben] Oh, great question.
[Sam] I am in a battle rage right now. It's gonna be hard to pry me away from this guy.
[Zoe] That's true.
Well you can't move after this turn
because you're lethargic. So you're just gonna be like a really grumpy boy who needs a nap.
[Mikey] Who is the most physically capable?
[Ben] Sam.
[Zoe] Of the three of us? None of us. 
[Mikey] yeah that isn't Sam.
[Sam] Can I make a strength check to move myself? To just sort of, uhh.
[Mikey] Actually my strength is plus two so I
will roll for this.
[Elisa] To carry Sam. 
[Zoe] So are we all just making a break for the gnome depot?
[Mikey] That's a three plus two, so I have a five.
[Ben] Okay, um is grumpy Sam going to contest this roll?
[Sam] I don't think, I, um, damn it. Yeah
you're really right, I probably.
[Ben] Give me, give me an up and down strength check my base strength is plus three,
but I also because I'm raging have
advantage on strength checks and saving throws.
Okay, so actually the highest one was 10.
[Ben] That, that's still higher than, than Mikey. Yes Michael.
[Mikey] If I were to use my cunning action, my
secondary
action, uh because my strength role
didn't work.
What if I was just to dash into Sam
in an attempt to knock him over for a moment.
[Ben] I want to see it. That's all I want. Let's do that.
[Sam] And that would probably be a dexterity
saving throw for me, which I am not good at.
[Mikey] Alright, I dash through Sam. Here's my roll for that, 17.
[Ben] Alright. Sam how are you going to make this a bad
time for everyone?
[Sam] That's an 8.
[Ben] Is, did you, did you roll with advantage? I hate to be a stickler for the rule. Yeah?
[Zoe] What is it? What did you do? Oh no.
[Ben] Oh no, he's moving the camera.
That's not good.
[Zoe] It's a nat 20.
[Ben] Oh, so, okay Mikey here is what happens.
You slam into Sam
flip over him and you are going to take
four bludgeoning damage.
[Sam] I'm a very grumpy boy.
[Ben] The creature has regained its composure
and looks like it might be moving in for another attack.
[Zoe] Okay, I have a weird idea and I actually
don't know if it'll work. Can I Wild Shape into a very strong animal and pick up my husband?
[Elisa] I wish you would.
[Ben] Right now you can change into any animal
that has a challenge rating of one half.
[Mikey] you can be a minnow.
[Ben] Oh no, um, an ape is
is one half, but it's also a medium, kind
of human size
I'm willing to grant you wild, Wild Shape
into an ape.
[Zoe] So I'm gonna turn into an ape.
[Ben] Okay, you turn into an ape. Keep in mind that your
intelligence, wisdom, and charisma stays
the same from your character sheet but
you,
all the other traits you get. So let me
pop that in the group chat. There you go
[Sam] Now, I'm pretty low intelligence. Do I
know that this ape is my wife?
[Ben] Out of context that's the best sentence
anyone has ever said
That depends are you watching Zoe change
into an ape?
[Sam] Hmm, yeah probably.
[Zoe] I would like to imagine that my
eyeliner is still on
so you can definitely tell. So I guess
I'm gonna go and try to just run up
and pick up my temper tantrum husband.
[Ben] Alright, uh, uh Sam are you gonna
contest that or are you gonna let this
happen?
[Sam] Um, if I did not know that this ape was
my wife I would absolutely contest it, but I will not.
[Ben] Alright, uh I'm then, I'm not even gonna have Zoe roll.
You you are able to
lift Sam in your ape arms. I would like
everyone to do
an athletics check to see if you can
outrun this big beast.
[Zoe] I wish you wouldn't.
[Elisa] That's a 12 for me. [Ben] Okay.
[Mikey] 5.
[Zoe] Dirty 20!
[Ben] This is a good news bad news situation.
The, the good news is that the, the
creature absolutely
whiffed its roll. Um the bad news is, it did
roll a six, so Mikey.
after a very impressive opening where
you didn't get crushed under the roof of
a car.
You are losing ground very quickly, but I
want to give you the opportunity
um to uh die heroically
[Mikey] Alright, can I do a dash again?
[Ben] You can. I'm gonna let you do that dash, why not?
[Mikey] 14. 
[Ben] 14. Uh, yeah that's good. You get your second
wind and just as the
creatures fists smack down into the
concrete, you zip forward, catching up to the rest of the group.
As you're approaching the entrance
to the Gnome Depot
the door swings open and you see this
little gnome person coming, get in get in.
So you're inside the Gnome Depot and the
first thing you notice is the this is,
this, there's something off about this, this
hardware store. There are bridges,
uh. that have been built crossing the top
of the roofs there are, uh,
structures and like huts and houses made
of, uh, lumber and other components it looks
like different types of gnome
have taken up residence in the different
departments. As you look towards the, uh,
the gardening center area there's quite
a lot of damage.
Something has torn its way through this
store and
the one that beckoned you in says what
uh what are you doing here?
[Elisa] I'm gonna cut it
right to the quick here, that thing has
something we need in order to save the
world
um but it doesn't look like we can
reason with
it is there any way else we can handle
that thing out there?
[Ben] Well this you've, you've come to the
Gnome Depot at a bad time there's uh,
there's something of an internal
conflict happening and that uh,
that thing out there is an Earth
Elemental and it's part of the conflict.
This gnome begins walking you
through to the bath service department
where you see other gnomes in
very nice robes. There are bathtubs, there
are people relaxing there
people who have made, uh gnomes that have
made makeshift, like, massage tables and
everything. It's very
very chill there's some gentle um
similar to, but legally distinct from
Enya-esque music in the background. The
gnome that has led you in says
this is this is the Gnome Depot uh,
various different types of gnome have
set up residents here we've all claimed
different departments.
As you can see we are the bath service
gnomes. We are creatures of peace
and spirituality, but uh there's a
conflict happening between all the
different departmental gnomes. The garden
center gnomes have caused the most
trouble. They have dreams of conquest, to
that end they summoned
an Earth Elemental to try to destroy the
rest of the gnomes.
Uh, but they lost control of it and it
broke free. It's all made up of different
parts of the store, you know, there's like
a, uh there's like a lot of lumber in there
there's some plumbing, there's dirt,
there's concrete, uh there's a fridge in
there full of Gatorade. We're out of
Gatorade now, if you want a Red Bull
you're fine, but we've got no Gatorade.
And at the core of that elemental I
think that's the thing that you're
referring to. The bath service gnomes
genuinely believe
that if we can unite all the different
factions of gnomes we can take on
this Earth Elemental together.
[Mikey] Solve gnome peace. Got it.
[Elisa] Okay, okay, alright.
So, um who are the various, uh
figureheads, uh, that we might need to, uh,
talk to in order to solve this problem?
[Ben] There's us, like i said, the baths the,
bath service gnomes there's the garden
center gnomes, there's the hardware gnomes
and the hardware gnomes also have
control of the paint department. And then
there's the automotive gnomes, who are
kind of kind of wild cards.
[Mikey] I don't want to, like, talk for the rest
of the group, but like
our car got hit by a 30-foot rock
monster.
So we need automotive anyway. 
[Elisa] That's a good call. Alright.
[Zoe] Let's head that way. I probably
should also stop being an ape now.
[Ben] That's, hey, that's entirely up to you you live your truth.
You head into the automotive department.
There are tires,
there are tire chains, there are
other things you might find in the
automotive department.
I don't know, I'm not a car person and I
didn't do my research.
You enter as an automotive gnome walks
up to you and says, what's your deal?
What's your, what's your bag? What are you
doing? We saw you out front,
uh roughing it with that uh with that elemental.
[Sam] Did you see what happened to
our car?
[Ben] Yeah, it was pretty rough, but you know
what, I reckon we can fix it.
[Mikey] Okay! 
[Ben] But you've got to do something for us.
[Sam] What do you need? 
[Ben] i want you to
destroy the garden center gnomes.
[Mikey] I saw that coming.
What if, what if we gave you something else you
wanted and we didn't do that,
cause we're not really into
killing people, it's kind of our thing.
[Ben] I'm gonna roll a dice and see if i'm
into that.
[Ben] I'm into that. What do you have in mind?
[Zoe] Why, why such
a bad time with the garden gnomes? 
What's up with that?
[Ben] Well the garden gnomes have got,
I think the phrase is, are dreams of
conquest.
they're in a real kind of Horns of Nimon
sort of state, if you're a fan of classic
Doctor Who. So this is a pretty good
impression of a garden center gnome.
Hey, we'll summon an Earth Elemental and it will  stomp 'em all down. But what they didn't
realize is you can't control
an Earth Element, ya mugs.
[Mikey] We, we noticed. If we were to get everyone on
the same page
would, would the uh, warriors, the
barbarians of the automotive department
be willing to fight with us to save the world? 
[Ben] We will fight with you
and we will fight with anyone else what
wants to have a conversation with us.
[Mikey] Team, uh do you guys want to go to the
garden section
[Ben] Alright so are you guys mosing over to
the garden department?
[Zoe] Yeah, I don't want to be seen by the garden
gnomes
before we get there. Cause I kind of
want to get the lowdown from the plants first.
[Ben] Give me a stealth check.
[Zoe] Well, um, it was a three.
[Ben] Coooool.
[Zoe] So probably, not that stealthy.
Probably should have stayed in ape. Would have probably been stealthier then.
[Ben] You land on the floor with a bucket on
your head. Standing over you
arr four garden center gnomes. There's
two on either side,
and you hear footsteps approaching, and
they kind of part. A garden center gnome
says, we're pretty welcoming of people,
but
you snuck in, so we have to assume
malicious intent.
[Zoe] I can't, I, I'm gonna stop you right there.
What i did was not sneak. Clearly.
[Ben] No, really, I, here's the thing. We are
incredibly aware of that.
[Sam] It was totally a stunt.
[Zoe] It was totally a stunt.
[Ben] Show yourself strangers.
[Zoe] That's my camera crew. So basically we're
here because our car got wrecked. 
[Ben] Did I hear you say that
they, that they was your camera crew?
[Zoe] Uh, yeah, no they're just my friends 
we're on a road trip.
But they also do, we do record each other
on YouTube for a show. It's like a long thing.
And also sometimes stunts. We were just
wondering what's up with the Earth
Elemental outside,
and uh, why it destroyed our car.
[Ben] Why are you so interested in the Earth Elemental?
[Sam and Zoe] Cause it destroyed our car.
[Ben] Oh that's a pretty good answer
[Zoe] And we were on a dope road trip and we
had so many snacks in there...
So we just need to know about the Earth
Elemental so we can
hopefully take care of it and get the
automotive department to help us fix our car.
[Ben] You want to know some fun things about an Earth Elemental?
[Zoe] Lay it on me bro. [Elisa] I like a fun fact.
[Ben] Alright, write this down.
It is resistant to bludgeoning,
piercing, and slashing from non-magical
attacks.
you can't poison it, you can't exhaust it,
you can't paralyze it, or petrify it and
it doesn't ever sleep.
[Zoe] And you thought summoning
this was a good idea? 
[Ben] Well we thought we could
control it. That was our whole thing, we was gonna
use it to smash up the other gnomes.
And then we were gonna unravel it and
then we'd have a talisman we could use to do other things.
[Zoe] Unravel it? 
[Ben] Well it's it's made up from
bits of the store like, there's bits of
wood in there, there's a
vending machine is in there. If you want
a Monster Energy Drink or a Gatorade
you're gonna have to wait.
If we kill it, the life force holding it
together, that  field will collapse. 
[Zoe] Okay, so you were
planning on killing it?
[Ben] Well we were, we're planning on doing a
lot of things, we're planning on building
a patio. We haven't done it.
We don't, cause none of us have the skills it seems.
[Elisa] Maybe we know a
couple people in the hardware department
that might be able to teach you how to
build a patio, if you can tell us
how to get rid of this thing that you
built, that almost killed us.
[Ben] In the hardware department oh
the hardware department is full of
weirdos and scum.
We wanted to kill them all, what did you
think we could say, yeah we really like
them but they really should be dead.
[Zoe] Why did you, why do you want to kill them?
[Ben] Because we want we want to take
take over the Gnome Depot.
[Zoe] Why? You're the garden department. You have
all of the outside available to you.
[Ben] Yeah, and we want
the inside. That's where the toilets are.
[Mikey] They want the toilets 
[Zoe] Yeah, no you're, fair.
[Mikey] what department has the toilets? And follow-up question,  if we get you the toilets will you join
our fight to take down the Earth Elemental?
[Ben] I think the bath service
gnomes have all the toilets. If you can
get a toilet out here then, maybe we'll change our tune. 
[Zoe] Maybe you'll stop
trying to kill everybody in the entire store?
[Ben] Well we'll, we'll see how we feel. 
Let's, let's do one thing at a time.
Let's not bite the whole cookie, when we
can have a nibble at the edge, you know what I mean.
[Zoe] To the bathroom service department.
[Ben] Alright, you head back and the uh, the
gnome who initially greeted you says,
uh so have you visited all the other
departments?
[Zoe] Not all of them. [Mikey] Close.
[Zoe] Anyway, um, do you have any spare toilets?
[Ben] Uh, what?
[Elisa] So, so we went to the garden center we tried
to reason with these folks.
And it turns out...
They're a bit much. Um, what, what they
did ask for
interestingly enough, um, was access to
some
toilets and it seemed like they would
consider,
uh helping us out against that there
Earth Elemental, um.
So you got any we could maybe spare? 
[Ben] I mean, yeah, there's loads in the back.
[Zoe] Great. Yeah, Sam go grab a couple. Let's go.
[Ben] Sam goes to the back of the store where
the toilets are, and he comes back
with a lot of toilets.
[Sam] There's so many toilets back here.
[Zoe] Sam has a bunch of toilets.
[Sam] A bushel, a freshly picked bushel of toilets.
[Mikey] Would you mind running those
those toilets back over to garden?
[Sam] Hell yeah!
[Mikey] Alright Zoe and Elisa are you ready to
head to hardware and paint?
[Everyone] Yeah let's go, Let's do it.
[Ben] You arrive at the hardware department where,
uh, some gnomes meet you and say, what
ho strangers? What could I do you for
[Zoe] You have a great voice.
[Ben] Thank you!
[Zoe] So we, uh, are here about the
Earth Elemental that is outside.
[Ben] Yes, it's causing much havoc.
[Zoe] it is, it wrecked our car. And um, so we
are wanting to kind of destroy it 
[Ben] Yes. Well I can't blame you for that.
[Zoe] Would you help us destroy the Earth Elemental?
[Ben] Absolutely, but you have to do something for us.
[Zoe] And what would that be? 
[Ben] We have much need of forklifts.
Unfortunately the automotive department
has hoarded almost all of them.
[Mikey] How many forklifts do you
need?
[Ben] I don't know, like maybe four... kliffs.
[Mikey] Okay, well we'll, well. [Zoe] Challenging.
[Elisa] You know what, i like that.
[Zoe] Some of the
the garden department gnomes are wanting
to build a, like, a patio area, but they don't really
have the skills for it. Do you think that's something
that you could send over somebody to,
kind of help them out
[Ben] Well they did try to kill us. 
I don't know if you noticed.
[Zoe] But, if they have their own patio, then
they'll just go chill out there,
and hopefully stop trying to kill you
guys.
[Ben] Hmm, well, I'll tell you this you get if those forklifts
will help the garden center gnomes build
that patio. Ha, ha!
[Zoe] Beautiful, thank you, okay.
[Ben] Is Sam gonna rejoin the group at this point?
[Sam] Yeah, let's just assume that I'm there.
[Zoe] Sam did they say anything when they,
when you deliver the toilets? 
[Ben] They said they would meet you on the fields of battle.
[Zoe] Okay so, automotive, let's do this.
So why don't we have Sam take this one.
He's friends with them.
[Ben] Yeah well, we're good friends now me and Sam. We're top friends. [Sam] Yeah.
[Mikey] Hey Sam, Sam come here real quick. 
[Sam] Hey, yeah what's up man? Yeah?
[Mikey] Hey would you watch all of the Fast and Furious movies with that guy for four forklifts?
[Sam] Hey bro. [Ben] Yeah, what's up?
[Sam] We're hoping to make a sort of a trade.
I feel like you guys have not had a
good hang sesh in a while.
[Ben] Oh you know, what you're right.
I feel like I can trust you because...
we're family.
[Sam] You know what, it really is all about family isn't it.
[Ben] It is, yeah.
[Sam] Yeah, yeah man. It really is all about
family, so I was thinking,
what if you hooked us up with four forklifts.
[Ben] Four? You want as many as that eh?
[Sam] And then I was thinking we could
bro-a-thon some Fast and Furious bro.
[Ben] Um, bro you had me
at bro-a-thon. Yeah, yeah I'm into it.
[Sam] Alright, we could watch all ten you and me.
[Ben] Yeah he's gonna bring him around
who needs him anyway?
[Elisa] We are gonna take him on a little bit of a ride on
the way to the hardware department. 
[Ben] To the hardware department, hmm.
Yeah, well, in the interests of peace and in
unifying against that
shuffling Earth Elemental out there and
also because I really, really want to
re-watch the Fast and
Furious movies. I'm gonna say yes.
And then at that moment Reggie and
three other gnomes roll up in the forklifts and one
of them hits the horn in the middle and it goes.
Because why wouldn't it. As you reach the
main entrance area again
a gathering of gnomes from each faction have,
are standing. There's a little bit of
tension in the air, but
they all know they're there for one
purpose and one purpose only.
To bring down that Earth Elemental and
at that point,
um, the the druid you were speaking to before
steps forward and says, we're all ready
to unify against the Earth Elemental
We're gonna raise the shutters. I didn't
mention this earlier, but we put a little
spell on the shutter,
to stop the Earth Elemental from
smashing through it again. And then the
Earth Elemental smashes through,
uh, and we're gonna roll initiative. This
is gonna be a big battle, but
probably short because there's a lot of
you, you unified everybody.
[Elisa] I have a 13 plus two that's 15. 
[Zoe] I got a 9.
[Mikey] 6 minus 1 is 5.
[Sam] 18 plus 1, that's 19.
[Ben] The Earth Elemental rolled a 2. Next up are the automotive gnomes
and that is a 3. Bath service gnomes, that's a 6,
that's not too bad.
that's better than Mikey, ah Mikey.
Bath services, 6.
Garden center rolled a 9. Last up is
hardware gnomes and they rolled a 2.
So here's what's actually gonna happen
because the elemental smash through the
wall and basically Kool-Aid manned all
of you, the elemental gets a surprise attack.
So it's going to do
two slam attacks. It's gonna first, it's
gonna attack the automotive gnomes
and it misses. And next it's going to go
against the garden center gnomes
which it absolutely hits.
[Sam] This might solve a lot of our problems actually.
[Ben] Oh God, okay, so that is it does nine
damage to each of the
gnomes. Next in the turn order is Sam.
[Sam] For the second time I am entering my battle rage.
Please no one cast Haste on me. 
[Zoe] I wasn't gonna,
but you don't have to be mean about it.
[Sam] So it has resistance to slashing damage?
[Ben] It's resistant to bludgeoning, piercing
and slashing from non-magical attacks.
[Sam] I charge at the elemental screaming this is about family.
and I'm gonna attack the exact
same, uh,
leg that I was before. That's going to be a 24.
[Ben] 24 hits.
[Sam] That's gonna be a 12 damage on my first attack. And then I'm
going to make a second attack.
[Ben] Do it. [Sam] That's a 22.
[Ben] That do hit. [Sam] Also 12. Okay, okay. I guess I do 12 damage.
[Ben] Okay, you do 12 damage total. Uh Elisa. 
[Elisa] Can I move myself in such a
position so that this thing,
um, is within 15 feet of me and no one else is?
[Ben] I'm going to say yes because there are
too many players on the board for me to
know where they all are at any given moment.
[Elisa] I go to the PA system and then I like
hook up my phone and I start playing AC/DC's Thunderstuck.
[Zoe] Amazing.
[Elisa] And I cast Thunder Wave.
[Ben] The Elemental has to do a constitution. Its constitution's bad, okay.
[Sam] Am I, am I in there?
[Ben] Oh yeah, a little bit. [Zoe] I think Sam is in there.
[Ben] Yeah, Sam, Sam roll them bones.
[Elisa] Sam cover your ears.
[Sam] I love this song.
I'm gonna open my ears so I hear more of it.
Uh yeah, my, my conroll is uhhhhhhh
[Ben] You want to beat 16. 
[Sam] 11.
[Ben] Oh, that's no. 
[Sam] I love this, owwww.
[Ben] Oh I have to roll with disadvantage don't I for the,
for the Earth Elemental because it is
vulnerable to thunder, fun fact.
I rolled a six total. Because it has a
vulnerability, you are going to
double the damage it does.
[Elisa] Well that's 24 total.
[Ben] Okay. [Sam] I'mma take 12. 
[Elisa] That's for the freaking car
we were vibing in there, man.
[Zoe] It's where I had my Twizzlers.
[Sam] What? [Zoe] I love you sweetie!
[Sam] What?
[Ben] The garden center gnomes, uh firstly,
they heal everyone who's taken damage
for seven points. Then the leader of the
garden center gnomes
points at Sam and does this kind of
pa-pow,
at your Yieldspar. Imbuing it with a
strange magical aura.
[Sam] Oh guys he shot Yieldspar.
[Ben] And then next up is Zoe. 
[Zoe] Um I'm going to...
[Ben] Go ape?
[Zoe] I mean, I could and then I could climb it.
[Ben] You could Shadow of the Colossus
this bad boy.
[Zoe] Yeah I'll turn into an ape again. I'm going to
climb up the Earth Elemental and then
the ape can make a two-fist attack, so I
just kind of... on its head. 
[Ben] Basically you're gonna do
the fist attack twice.
So you will roll one d20 for one fist
and then another d20 for the other fist.
[Zoe] Alright, so I got ten as the higher one on that.
[Ben] Oh dear, that's a miss. Let's go
for the other fist.
[Zoe] 17. [Ben] That one hits, so go ahead and roll
1 d6 plus three to do your fist attack.
[Zoe] It's five.
[Ben] Cool it is actually two.
because it takes, it does not take. 
[Zoe] It's bludgeoning. Yeah.
[Ben] But, two's not nothing,
you know, you should be proud of yourself.
[Sam] Good job sweetie.
[Ben] The the bath services gnomes are up next.
The leader of the gnomes is gonna do a
little magic spell,
that is going to create the illusion of
an army of monkeys.
It's going to zap at Zoe and then
the the elemental is going to believe
that it is covered in copies of Zoe 
[Zoe] Monkey army, monkey army.
[Ben] Which is gonna confuse it, giving
everyone right now advantage on attacks
and it's gonna give disadvantage to the
elemental.
[Sam] Can we see the, the monkey illusion or is
this only on the elemental?
[Ben] Uh, you can see the monkey illusion, but you're able to tell which one is Zoe. And then we're
on to Mikey.
[Mikey] Uh I throw a knife at the the head of
the guy just for fun. That is uh,
[Ben] Go on, go, Michael.
Okay um, you have advantage because he
is covered in apes so you can roll again.
[Mikey] Then I will. [Ben] Do it, coward.
[Mikey] Natty 20, Natty 20, Natty 20!
[Ben] You did it, so you're gonna do
damage, you're gonna do double damage,
which means it's the same damage because it just,
means it's not gonna be
immune to this particular attack so just
roll your damage dice.
[Mikey] That's a four [Ben] Plus two, that's a six
anything else you wanna do?
[Mikey] What is my proximity to the automotive
gnomes?
[Ben] Uh, everyone's kind of around so I'd say
every pretty much everyone is within
like 15 to 20 feet.
[Mikey] I get really serious, and I lean in
and I grab one by the head and I say
this is for Han. [Ben] Okay so the barbarians are going to go in on the offensive they
are all going to rage
and they're going to start hacking at
legs. Then another one is going to dive
up
into its torso and just kind of try to
impale it in the chest.
All of the barbarians attacking in one rush uh
emboldened and inspired by Mikey's, uh,
casual reference to the Fast and Furious
franchise, do a grand total of 35 damage.
[Mikey] Whoa! [Zoe] Dang.
[Ben] It is now the hardware gnomes.
A row of them with long bows with flames
on the end.
And the leader of the the hardware
gnomes announces the
attack and they let them go. Ping, ping,
ping, ping, ping.
And then I have to roll to see if they do that.
Nat 20, nat 20.
Uh, so, that's 1d8 plus 3.
34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 44 damage
total.
I regret to inform you, uh it is now the
elemental's turn.
But it is, it is confused by the, by the
spectral apes,
so it is to have disadvantage. It's gonna
try to like, do one
sweeping swat of all of the gnomes.
And it does not do that. It gets a second
attack because it gets two attacks, and it does
not do that. Sam you are up what to do?
[Sam] Okay, uh, even though like all I can hear is like *buzzing noise*
Um I do, like, I have noticed that
my halberd is like glowing with magical
power.
I am going to leap up and
uh, take a huge swing at the uh, at the things heart,
like torso area.
Um, probably missing the other guy
that went for the torso.
[Ben] You pierce through the heart of the
elemental. It lets out this almighty wail.
where the Yieldspar has pierced through
the chest it just starts to crumble
all of the pieces, the lumber the
concrete,
the, the bags of compost, the gatorade
fridge. And then sitting in the pile of the
rubble is
the piece of the talisman. The third and
final piece.
And there is a moment when all of the
leaders of all of the gnome factions are
suddenly making eye contact because they
all know what that means.
They all know the power of the talisman.
It's summoned this Earth Elemental.
It has untold, untapped potential
and it could give any one of them
dominance over the Gnome Depot.
And you see this all in their eyes. Your
passive perception
is good enough to spot that. What do you do?
[Zoe] I was on top of it, when it
blew up, so my thought was like, I would
be closest to the talisman,
and I'm an ape, that's significantly
larger than them. So I'm gonna grab
it and like be fairly aggressive.
[Ben] The, the gnomes
uh all kind of look at each other and
then the uh,
the the automotive leader steps forward
and he says,
that, that talisman piece really
changed the balance of power around
these parts. I think we would like to
keep it. And then the bath services, uh, uh gnome
says, actually I think, with all due respect I
think they should take it.
That thing has brought nothing but
misery and destruction
to the Gnome Depot.
[Mikey]  Can, are we allowed to astroturf from the crowd? Like, I agree with the guy in bath.
[Ben] Mikey give me a deception check on that astroturfing.
[Elisa] Oh my God. [Mikey] Alright, that's a 16.
[Ben] That's very good, yes you, uh you're very
convincing and then.
[Mikey] All my bullshit rolls are good I don't know what's.
None of the real ones.  [Ben] The people start repeating, yeah, we should let them go.
All the things you're saying are being
repeated by other gnomes now. Then they
they look to you with the talisman and
everyone cheers
and they all stand up and applaud.
[Elisa] I go into my bag
and I say, you know what, I love it when
you all come together like this
and hopefully this will serve as a
reminder, that if things ever get heated
up again.
Just take a bath, paint something,
go grilling and chilling in the patio,
and watch some Fast and
Furious. And then I pull out my Lush bath
bomb and I
toss it to the center of the bath department 
[Ben] Oh that's too good. You have
lost your bath bomb though.
[Elisa] That's fine, it's worth it.
[Mikey] Cross it off the equipment list. 
[Ben] Cross it. I want it, I want you to.
I want to see you cross it off the list. [Sam] Screen share. 
[Elisa] Oh I'm doing it, I'm doing it.
[Everyone] Oh there it goes.  [Ben] So long bath bomb. [Elisa] There it is.
[Ben] Anyway, so as an epilogue to the events
of the day. The automotive
gnomes have worked to tip your car back
onto its correct side. They've panel beat
the side of it back into,
back into something vaguely resembling a
car shape. The bath
services gnomes offer you a full
pampering service for bringing peace to
the gnome depot.
You get to, get soothing baths and
massages.
You have never felt better, and in fact,
all of you are going to take
a permanent boost of 5 hp to your total hp,
as a result of this. Automotive gnomes
also watch all of the Fast and Furious movies with Sam.
[Sam] Speaking of which, I did earlier mention
that we were watching all ten. Could
you tell me
what the name of the tenth Fast and
Furious movie is in this world?
[Ben] It's just called furious but the i
and the o
are a one and a zero. 
[Sam] That will happen!
[Mikey] We're going to the premiere, baby.
[Ben] Yeah we're there, if we don't get invited I will
cry. Alright, one final thing happens.
After two days of rest and relaxation,
Lorem the wise has take, has uh, taken
human form again. He has returned back to
his wizardly self,
and he uh he walks up to you and he says,
this has been a
wonderful relaxing two days, but it is
time we venture to Oklahoma City.
[Sam] Yes! Sorry Han still alive, I just,
we just got there last night.
[Ben] All of the pieces of the talisman are
pulled together and you can see the
seams kind of join up, almost as if
it was never separated at all. Lorem is
about to start giving you directions,
when you see a man fighting what appear
to be three dragon whelps. And it is at this point I
would like to introduce
a special guest star, Miles Luna! *Everyone cheers*
[Sam] His armor is so radiant!
[Miles] Thank you.
[Ben] The, the gnomes, uh all kind of look at
each other and then the
uh, uh, the, the automotive leader steps
forward and he says... Something.
[Zoe] Powerful.
[Ben] I hope we're doing an outtakes reel.
[Sam] But could you, like, retarget it? 
[Ben] You'll point it somewhere else?
[Sam] Yeah, like, across the street? [Elisa] Like a Lowe's? 
[Sam] Like a Lowe's.
[Ben] Oh no, you can't, you can't point
it at the Lowe's.
The Lowe's is full of elves, I've got
nothing against em. I'm sorry my phone keeps
dinging let me put it on silent. I'm sorry.
[Sam] Ironically high elves.
[Ben] I have to apologize I'm in a Facebook
group for gnomes who like cars and there's a...
[Mikey] Actually my strength is
plus two in the game.
[Zoe and Elisa] Oh yeah then yeah.
[Ben] I like how you clarify in the game
in real life it's probably negative one, negative two.
[Mikey] Oh yeah it's like negative four, man.
[Sam] Oh, I've seen Mikey on the pull-up bar though.
[Mikey] Well there are four sections what
if we all went to
one section and reconvened in say 15
minutes and shared what we know. 
[Ben] So 15 times
four is, that's an hour cool.
[Mikey] No, we would all do it at the same time
[Ben] Yeah, but Mikey I'm one person.
How do you expect me to have four
conversations simultaneously?
you
