GOING SHOGUN - the audiobook
Written by Ernie Lindsey / Narrated by DJ Holte
BRICK (NARRATOR):
The three of us emerge into a clearing...
Mr. Androgyny sees us coming, and
his face gets a million-watt sparkle.
In a voice that sounds like a grizzly bear growl
filtered through rose petals, he says,
"Forklift, darling. I'm flattered by your presence."
"To what do I owe this honor, fine sir?"
"I fear my intentions are only of the business nature."
Mr. Androgyny groans, "Aww, business?"
Like he was expecting diamonds for a present,
and got argyle socks instead.
Forklift says, "Perhaps we could 
shama lam the ding dong another time..." (wink)
"...but at the moment, we're looking for someone."
"Pity it's not me," Mr. Androgyny says.
"So, who're you looking for?"
The music reaches a zenith, and Forklift
has to lean in to shout, "The Minotaur."
"Oh my God."
"This must be serious."
"Utmost. Know where he lives?"
"He's got a place in Urine Town, over 
the convenience store on Fourth & Birdneck."
Shit.
Urine Town.
I should have guessed as much.
I can see them holding baseball bats 
and iron bars...
...another one with what seems to be 
a roll of barbed wire.
Even though he was halfway proven wrong years ago 
by theoretical physicist John Wenger,
Einstein still has a little hold on the
theory of relativity.
Time travel isn't possible (yet)...
...but we must be approaching the 
speed of light at that very moment
because time slows to a goddamn crawl
as I struggle to my feet and watch the highboys
careen toward us in a flipbook-style blur
of pumping arms and piston legs.
I'm in a half-crouch position, arms out,
legs bent at the knees,
scuttling from one spot to the next,
desperately looking for anything
to use as a weapon.
I look over at Forklift, fazed out, 
eyes focused on the road.
"Where we going?" I ask quietly,
trying not to wake Bingo.
"Sixty parks his penile protrusion in the
lady cave over by Johnson Square..."
"...when he's not going caveman in his apartment."
"R12 sub-div, where the kitty prowls the alleys."
"Sixty?"
"Yeah. LX."
"Sixty."
"Those Roman numeral things."
"Do I have to explain everything?"
"Do you even have to ask that question?"
He smiles.
"Negative, mi compadre."
"So why are LX and Cat both R12? 
What'd they do?"
"LX put on a collar for signing 
Johnny Hancock to a fake check."
"Forgery?
People still do that?"
"Thought he could go old school.
Sneak one by."
"And Cat?"
"Pole swinger. Champagne room raid with 
some extra coin in her purse. Jelly?"
"She went nighthoney where people could see her?"
"No inteligente."
"People are brain-popped, dude.  
Crazycakes."
"Think just because The Board ain't prevalent 
their juice is freeroam cluck-cluck."
[Brick sighs]
"Ok, dude, I gotta know."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why talk like that?
Why is everything in code?"
"Don't get me wrong,"
"most of the time I can understand you to some degree 
because we're usually on familiar territory."
"But tonight, man."
"Tonight, I feel like I've taken 
one single Spanish class..."
"...and you've dropped me in the middle of a 
car chase in Barcelona without a map..."
"...and I can't read any of the damn road signs."
GOING SHOGUN - on Audible.com, iTunes.com, 
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GOING SHOGUN 
© 2013 / ℗ 2014 by Ernie Lindsey
