(Music)
Earthovision presents
Groucho Marx
(Music)
in You Bet Your Life.
(Music)
And now, here he is. The one, the only
(Whole audience) GROUCHO!
(Music)
Well, here I am again with $1000 for one of our couples
and if any of them say the secret word
the duck will fly down
and pay them $100. The word tonight is FOOT.
(Sounds of static and random TV shows.)
...we're all cracked and half cracked.
(Audience laughs)
they want to give us all some distance I guess.
In what way are they screwy? I mean...
Ah, I don't know,
they used to, it seems all the people that coulnd't get along
they all moved up to Green Valley. You know...
(Audience laughs)
Green Valley, you say?
Ah huh, Green Valley, Saugus.
Where is, ah, is that in Saugus? That...
All there...
That's were Hoot Gibson used to have his rodeos
We're 32 miles out of Saugus, yes.
Up in the hills.
I'd like to come and see you sometime.
Please do.
I'm daffy enough to go up there.
Tell us about the people who live in this valley.
Oh, how, well I mean
well for instance we have the only phone there and...
You have the only phone, that's in the post office?
Ah, yeah, it's the only phone within a 14 mile radius.
Well, suppose someone has a fire
that live out there half a mile or so?
Oh, they have gongs
and they ring the gong and
one gets in the car and starts tooting the horn
and drives up and down.
And finally everyone starts running to where the fire is at.
And then...
Did you go to, to the fire?
Oh sure, sure. I like them.
What do you do, bring more gasoline?
(Audience laughs)
No, I just like to watch fires.
Ah eh.
Well, there's money in it I guess.
And they have the only phone there
and sometimes in the middle of the night
somebody will call up and say, ah,
Well, how does somebody call up if you have the only phone?
Well, they call from town
and they say Are You Joe
and I say Yeah, What Do You Want?
Will you go home and tell the old man
I couldn't quite make it tonight but I'll see him tomorrow.
Or some will say
Is that you Joe?
Yeah.
You know what? When I came over this weekend
we forgot to shut off the water.
Will you run up to the house
and see if the water's been shut off?
Better keep it running if you're expecting a fire.
Sometimes they call. Is This You Joe? Yeah.
Will you go over and tell the old lady I'm in jail
and I need somebody to bail me out.
(Audience laughs)
Well, you have a lot of excitement up there, eh?
Yeah, and how. You're not kidding.
What do you do specifically for excitement?
Oh, we have lots of parties. You know...
sometimes one gets out
and says, ah, we're all going to a party over at Joes.
And ah, then we...
Who is Joe? You keep talking about Joe.
Well, that's me.
Oh, Joe Hanna.
Yeah, Joe Hanna. Joe, Martin, and Joe.
So then they'll all, ah,
they'll run off saying No,
We Don't Want To Party At Our House Let's Go Some Place Else.
You see?
So finally the whole bunch of us gathers
and the last place we end up is where we have the party.
Usually the guy that doesn't want to get out of bed
that's were we have the party.
(Audience laughs)
Here we go. Let's see how high you can build your $20.
These are all French words and expressions
that we've adopted for cooking and serving foods.
Here's your first question
how much of the $20 will you bet?
$7?
Yeah, you used to fight I'll go along...
Nineteen.
Nineteen.
That's right. You've been carrying the bag for Pinsk over here.
(Audience laughs)
You're going to bet $19.
Slices of boned meat or fish is called what?
Fillet.
Fillet is right.
(Audience applauds)
You're off to a great start with $39.
I always thought Fillet was a town in Pennsylvania.
Remember you're going for $1,000 tonight.
Now how much of your $39 are you going to risk this time?
Thirty-five?
Yeah, go ahead, you're the boss.
Thirty-five.
Thirty-five.
Whites of eggs whipped to a standing froth
with sugar is called what?
Meringue.
Meringue is right.
(Audience Applauds)
You now have $74.
There used to be a prize fighter called Owen Meringue.
Now, here's your third question, how much will you bet?
Come on boss.
Seventy?
Yeah.
On a menu, how is the soup
being served that day indicated?
By what expression?
Soup Du Jour.
Soup Du Jour is right.
(Audience Applauds)
You've now climbed to $144.
Here's your last chance to beat the other couples
how much will you bet?
You want to bet it all?
Bet it all.
Want to bet it all?
Sure, come on let's gamble girl.
Okay, whatever you say.
Well, you've gone up in the world.
Before you were boss, now you're a girl.
What is the French word
that means a small cup of coffee
taken at the close of a meal?
Demitasse.
Demitasse is right. Put her there.
(Audience applauds)
And you wind up with $288.
Thanks and good luck from the Desoto/Plymouth dealers.
(Audience applauds)
Well Groucho, we have a man with an unusual occupation
and a housewife for you now.
Mr. Harry Allsing and Miss,
Mrs. Sonia Koestler.
Come on in please and meet Groucho Marx.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Welcome, welcome...
Mr. Harry Allsing and Mrs. Sonia Koestler.
Mrs. Koestler
now just a moment, you were here a minute ago
and this isn't fair you know.
No, I wasn't here before.
You didn't fool me sonia
the moment you came out I knew you were her twin sister.
Where you from Mrs. Koestler?
I come from Pinsk.
(Audience laughs)
But where? Obviously, where would anybody be from but Pinsk?
(Audience laughs)
You know I never see these people until they come out here.
Maybe I should, ah.
Apparently, I can't trust Fenneman.
Harry Allsing, eh?
Where are you from and if you say Pinsk there's going to be trouble.
Ha ha, Chicago, Illinois.
How old are you Harry?
Sixty-four.
Sixty-four. Are you married?
Very much so.
Where did you meet your wife?
I met my wife at a medicine show at Syracuse, New York.
What was your wife doing around this medicine show?
She was aaaaah,
playing piano at that time.
Afterwards, she organized a girls band.
She was on the road for quite some time
She was called Gladys, or Gladiolas.
Oh, that's a good name for a band.
What kind of work do you do Mr. Allsing?
Well, at the present time I'm a key man at Universal Studios.
A key man, you mean you're a burglar?
No
What's a key man?
I work in the key room there, I ah,
I'm in charge of about 500 keys.
Do you have enough for a piano?
No, these are keys to the various offices and dressing rooms and eh...
Are they anything like the Florida Keys?
(He laughs)
They have keys in Florida to, you know.
We have some skeleton keys there
If a skeleton has to open a dressing room door you give him one of these keys?
Well, if they...
You mention skeleton keys. Are those keys to Frank Sinatra's dressing room?
Frank Sinatra's not at Universal.
That was sort of a joke. Sorry I mentioned it.
(Audience laughs)
You know if you're going to make a joke about a skeleton
you can't say Sydney Greenstreet.
(Audience laughs)
You're going to find it pretty difficult winning any money here tonight.
(Audience laughs)
Well, I work together with Mary in the same department.
Oh really?
Yes, I did.
About a year later I came into the same department
and I saw one of my girlfriends and she told me she's married to Jack Benny.
To who?
To Jack Benny.
Benny?
Jack Benny.
(Audience laughs)
And I had to...
Who is Jack Benny?
Well, I never heard of him before.
I haven't heard of him yet. Who is he?
(Audience laughs)
Well, that was 29 years ago. I didn't hear of him then.
Well, he was only ten years old at the time.
(Audience laughs)
Well, enough of this talk, let's see if you can win some big money.
Now if you can raise your $20 more than the other couples
then you get a chance at the $1,000 question.
I can't tell you how much you have to win but George is going to remind our listeners.
Mrs. Fox and Mrs. Mureshinski won $288.
And the secret word is Foot.
Here we go. Let's see how high you can build your $20.
Now, you've selected locations of sports stadiums and arenas.
Here's you're first question. How much will you bet?
Nineteen and a half.
Okay.
$19.50.
In what city is Soldier Field?
Eh, Chicago.
Right.
Chicago is right.
(Audience applauds)
Well, you're off to a good start with thirty-nine dollars and fifty cents.
You could be going for $1,000 tonight. How much of your $39.50 are you going to bet this time?
Thirty-nine.
Thirty-nine fifty?
Thirty-nine fifty.
Thirty-nine?
Thirty-nine.
Thirty-nine.
Thirty-nine dollars. In what city is Fenway Park?
Fenway Park is in Brooklyn.
No.
(DING)
Times up, I'm sorry. It's in Boston.
Where the Red Socks play.
You now have fifty cents.
Well, don't get discouraged.
Here's your third question. How much will you bet?
Fifty cents.
Fifty cents. In what city is Ebbets field?
Ah, Ebbets Field?
That's in Brooklyn.
Brooklyn is correct.
(Audience applauds)
You now have one dollar.
I spent a bad seven days there last autumn.
Ha ha.
This is your last chance to beat the other couples.
How much of the buck are you going to bet?
The whole thing.
The whole thing. In what city is the Sugar Bowl?
The Sugar Bowl is in, ah,
New Orleans, Louisiana.
New Orleans, Louisiana is absolutely right.
(Audience applauds)
You wind up with two dollars.
Nobody leaves here with two dollars
I'll give you one more question and if you get this right
I'll bring the total up to twenty-five. Are you ready?
Who was buried in Grant's Tomb?
General Grant.
General Grant is right. Put her there.
Thank you.
(Audience applauds)
Well Groucho, ah, we invited some young dancing instructors to the show tonight
and just before we went on the air the studio audience selected
Mr. John Monohan.
His partner's a housewife
Mrs. Ester Shoeman.
Folks would you please come in and meet Groucho Marx.
Welcome to You Bet Your Life.
(Audience laughs)
Don't tell me there's another one.
(Audience laughs)
There's probably a hundred of them.
They're like bees.
Fenneman, come here.
This is your idea of a joke, eh?
Eh, ha ha.
Something like putting the firecrackers in my trousers last week.
(Audience laughs)
I'll have to watch you more carefully from now on.
Now okay Georgie. Come here, I want...
I want to talk to you a minute more.
How did you get these people?
You know people are always asking me
on the street and around different places
How Do You Get The Contestants?
And eh, I'd like to know, this is interesting how you get, eh, triplets like this?
You didn't just walk along the street and find them did you?
No, I...
You must have gone through a lot of trouble to play this feeble joke.
Didn't you?
We ran an ad in one of the Los Angeles papers.
Which one was it?
The Times, I believe.
You ran an ad? You wanted triplets?
Imagine the average woman saying to her husband
Gee, it would be wonderful if we had triplets
and he goes out and puts an ad in the morning paper.
(Audience laughs)
You need to go now and let me get one with this.
Ah...
You go back and play with your Yo-Yo.
(Audience laughs)
Mrs. Ester Shoemann
where are you from? I certainly didn't seed you that question.
I'm from Pinsk.
(Audience laughs)
Pinsk must be a ghost-town by now.
(Audience laughs)
Let's see. You're Mr. Monohan?
That's right.
How old are you my lad?
Thirty-eight.
A fine broth of a bite.
Thank you sir.
Are you married?
No.
You say you're a dancing teacher?
Yes sir, that's right.
Imagine ten cents per dance with him?
Where do you teach this fandango?
Ah, down on Arthur Murray's on Wilshire boulevard.
You teach on Wilshire Boulevard?
Isn't that kinda crowded?
(Audience laughs)
What happens if the Wilshire bus decides to cut in?
(Audience laughs)
Oh, I forgot something.
The secret word tonight is something you always have with you.
And if either of you say it you'll divide $100.
Do you know that?
From watching your program.
Now then Ester, let's talk to you for a minute.
Okay, Groucho.
Where are you from?
I'm from Pinsk.
(Audience laughs)
Still from Pinsk.
Oh, yes.
You're married to I imagine.
Oh, yes, I am.
What does Mr. Shoeman do for a living?
Oh, he's a wholesale poultry dealer.
He has a truck and goes out to the country and buys chickens,
poultry, ah, chickens, eggs,
and eh, goose, geese,
ducks, then he...
He buys goose and geese?
Goose and geese, and brings them into town...
What's the difference between a goose and a geese?
Well, one's a female and one's a male.
(Audience laughs)
Well, I've always wondered about that.
(Audience laughs)
I guess that's a good a answer as any.
Maybe I better talk to this chicken expert about tonight.
I'm certainly the victim of foul play here tonight.
(Audience laughs)
Ester, I'm curious to see how you girls look when you're all together.
George.
Oh, playmate.
(Audience laughs)
Let's have those other sisters here again. Bring on the girls.
(Audience applauds)
Come right up here.
(Audience applauds)
These things didn't happen when the democrats were running the country.
(Audience laughs)
Now let's find out which is which. Sound off, who are you?
Thelma.
I'm Ester.
Sonya.
And where are you three girls from?
PINSK.
(Audience laughs)
Do you know the difference between goose and geese?
No.
(Audience laughs)
I don't know which one I asked before.
(Audience laughs)
Now, is there any difference between the three of you, Ester?
No, there isn't.
We have the same hair, the same weight,
we have the same teeth and the same features.
You have the same teeth?
Yes, we do.
(Audience laughs)
How about children, Thelma, do you have any?
A boy and a girl.
Sonya?
I have a boy and a girl.
And Ester?
I'm Sonya.
(Audience laughs)
I have a boy and a girl.
I don't care who you are, what have you got?
A boy and a girl.
I've got jacks and eights.
(Audience laughs)
Where are you girls from?
PINSK.
(Audience laughs)
You all have a boy and a girl, eh?
What some people do to make a fool out of me.
(Audience laughs)
And they're all about the same age to.
They're all the same age?
Almost the same age, just a few months apart.
Well, this has been very interesting.
I'm sure that all Pinsk is happy about you girls tonight.
That's about all they have to be happy about.
(Audience laughs)
Now would you extra girls might scramming
while we continue with the dancer? Who was here last?
I was.
Ester, eh? Is this Ester?
I knew they were triplets all the time.
(Audience laughs)
As soon as I saw all three of them I got suspicious.
(Audience laughs)
Now then my laddie-buck, where were we Mr. Monohan?
Oh yes, you're the dancing instructor, eh?
That's right.
I imagine you get all sorts of people at your place.
Tell me, what kind do you prefer, the  young glamorous ones or the old fat ones?
That question will go down in history.
(Audience laughs)
Well, it doesn't really make any difference to me.
That answer will go down in history.
(Audience laughs)
He's a real dancing instructor all right.
His brains are in his feet.
(Audience laughs)
Do you like to dance Sonya?
I'm Ester.
(Audience laughs)
I don't care who you are, do you like to dance?
(Audience laughs)
Where not going to go through that again.
We're going to stop this nonsense and play You Bet Your Life.
Now, eh, you can win a lot of money here tonight.
If you beat our other couples you'll get a chance at the $1,000 question.
I can't tell you how much you have to win
but George is going to remind our listeners.
Our first couple still leads with $288.
Here we go. Let's see how high you can build your $20.
You selected songs about weather as your category.
Here's you're first question, how much will you bet?
Eighteen.
Eighteen, with a loaf of bread under our arm...
Okay, eighteen dollars.
Nineteen, okay, nineteen.
Okay, give me the title of this weather song.
Okay, Jerry.
(Music plays)
Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain.
Let It Snow is right.
(Audience applauds)
You now have $39.
You'll be going for $1,000 tonight. How much of the thirty-nine will you bet?
Thirty-eight.
Thirty-eight. Let's see if you can identify this one.
Play it Mr. Fielding.
(Music plays)
Raining, raining...
April Showers.
What's the title?
When April Showers come...
April Showers is correct.
(Audience applauds)
You now have $77.
Don't scare me like that.
Here's your third question. You have $77.
Now, how much are you going to bet?
Seventy-six.
Seventy-three.
Alright, what is the name of this song?
(Music plays)
What wave?
Having a, we're having a heat wave.
Having a heat wave is right.
(Audience applauds)
And you now have $153.
This is your last chance to beat the other couples.
How much this time are you going to bet?
We came with nothing under our arm...
The whole thing.
As he said, he came here with nothing under his arm but a loaf of bread.
Is that what you said?
It's an expression.
From the coal region.
Loaf of bread under your arm.
(Audience applauds)
All right, here we go for a thousand dollars.
I'll give you 15 seconds
to decide on a single answer between you.
Think carefully, and please no help from the audience.
The name of a great Italian writer, historian, and statesman
who's become synonymous with craftiness and treachery
because of his political intrigues
in the 16th century.
For $1,000, what is the name of this famous Italian schemer.
Talk it over.
(Music plays)
All right, what is the answer you two have decided upon?
Machiavelli.
Niccolo Machiavelli.
(Audience applauds)
(She screams for joy.)
And I was stupid enough to say that his brains was in his feet. Eh?
(She mumbles for joy.)
How would a dancing intructor know who Machiavelli was, eh?
Where did you pick that up?
Well, I subscribe to a lot of Machiavellian Principles.
(Audience laughs)
Well, that's quite evident, eh.
Well, you win, eh, how much did they win?
Ah, $306 in the quiz
and $1,000 just now.
Add 'em up Fenneman.
Thirteen hundred and six dollars.
(Audience applauds)
Be sure to tune in next week, same time, same station
for the Groucho Marx show,
You Bet Your Life.
And don't forget Groucho Marx in You Bet Your Life on radio
every Wednesday night.
(Music)
This has been brought to you by Earthovision.
(Audience applauds, music fades.)
