Found out that the 9yo I've
been raising is not my son
So I've been with my wife
34yo I'm 35 for 17 years
High school sweethearts and got married
7 months before he was born
as soon as we knew she
was pregnant We have always had
sex and enjoyed it ever since
we started with very few breaks
I can say we had so
far a very happy life together
and no reason whatsoever to think
the opposite Then yesterday my world
collapsed the boy's health recently started
to worry us and we took
him to a doctor who tested
him positive for a genetic disease
that had to be present in
both parents We both got tested
but only she tested positive I
didn't And that's when she said
that the boy's father was not
me Right now I don't know
what to do I can't process
this we went through college together
with very few issues we had
or so I thought a happy
life together we have similar work
schedules and I have never once
suspected something was happening on my
back And yet this is not
my son This is one of
her co-workers from another job's son
as she now told me She
told me she had fallen for
this guy for about a month
they had sex a couple of
times and then they stopped because
she loved me oh so much
And through this month I suspected
absolutely nothing and happily lived my
happy life I can't trust her
now I can't barely look at
her in the eyes I thought
we had everything that we wanted
and we were already making plans
of having a kid when he
appeared We were happy I was
genuinely happy And now I can't
help it but feel that I
lived a nine year old lie
I remember proposing humorously that we
get a parenting test at the
time because I was still using
condoms and she just told me
don't be silly in an expectable
reply She could have freaked out
or get defensive but acting normal
was all she had to do
to make it go away I
was actually kidding and now more
than ever I regret that She
knew I was kidding She was
a bitch It gets worse I
can't look at the boy the
same way It's not his fault
and I've loved that little pest
ever since before he was born
But I can't feel that now
I feel he's someone I raised
but he's not my son I
was taken that connection away With
him with her with everything And
he's got a fucking life-threatening disease
that may require a liver transplant
and will probably need me more
than ever We have a big
house good cars a nice life
without any financial worries but I
lost what mattered the most I
need help coping with this I
don't know what to do or
who to speak to about this
I have to let this out
or I'll snap It's all a
whirlpool of emotions Hate and rage
Not healthy at all We are
still together but I don't know
if we can make it I
can't look at her I can't
tolerate her voice and I have
started to be cold to the
boy which I'm feeling absolutely miserable
about He is a smart kid
and he already knows something is
wrong But I can't help it
She said it only happened that
time she felt adventurous she just
wanted something out of routine but
I can't believe her This was
not simply being cheated My life
became a lie and I feel
I lost everything but the meaningless
things She's not the person I
knew he's not my son and
all in all I'm alone and
without offspring of my own Has
anyone been here and got a
happy ending I don't want a
divorce because that would be ending
all that we ever had but
on the other hand I question
whatever it was that we really
had tl dr just read the
fucking title It's what it looks
like edit wow what a response
reddit I can't stress this enough
I will NOT abandon the boy
never ever EVER I feel detached
from him and I as well
attribute that to the fact that
these are fresh news Either way
it has to stop and I
am aware of that The marriage
is a different thing No I'm
not being a pussy by staying
I'm trying to find a solution
that won't mean throwing away everything
we got especially when we both
have a kid to take care
of We can afford individual and
couple's therapy but I will try
not to have him go through
a divorce when he needs us
the most Thank you a lot
reddit edit 26 01 This thread
has got too long so it
is impossible for me to answer
everybody I have received TONS of
private messages and I am unable
to answer them all To all
of those who sent them please
don't get me wrong I really
appreciate your help This is the
first update we are going to
try therapy That is for sure
and I think it's the best
first step to try to make
things work out Regarding my SON
I am ashamed of what I
wrote I love him and that
was definitely the shock talking I
said it before I will not
abandon him and I'll try to
make this work
Hey guys, please like, comment, and subscribe!
It would really help me out, thanks!
Something similar happened to me recently
My ex wife and I divorced
10 years ago For the last
10 years I have had joint
custody of my 14 year old
son 6 months ago her boyfriend
dumped her and kicked her out
leaving her homeless and i had
to find out through a third
party that my son was actually
living at his aunts house When
I confronted my ex wife about
this insisting that if he had
one stable parent he should live
with that parent not an aunt
she said that she would be
getting her stuff together soon 6
weeks later she emailed me saying
she had just done a DNA
test and that my son was
actually fathered by her co-worker from
15 years ago Apparently she had
tracked down the father and asked
him to do one of those
$99 home paternity test kits A
few days later I got a
copy of the paperwork in the
mail I was crushed I called
in sick for i dont know
how long and then drank myself
stupid for about a week while
thinking some of the craziest most
angry spiteful retaliatory bullshit a guy
could conceive of I mean I
seriously wanted to stab this bitch
in the uterus with a rusty
screwdriver After about a week of
this I managed to pick myself
up dust myself off and call
my son to tell him that
I may not be his father
but I'm still his dad goddammit
I told him that no piece
of paper is ever going to
change that I told him that
he is everything that he is
because of how i raised him
I said that I would always
love him You know what he
said Good because I was worried
that you'd leave me when you
got the news TL DR Your
wife may be the biggest cunt
on earth for doing this but
your son is your son no
matter what He needs you man
DNA contribution does not make a
dad You've been there for 9
years you're his dad It looks
like being his biological father matters
that much to me Had you
asked me about that one month
ago and I don't know what
my answer would be Now it
happened and this is how I'm
reacting I will never leave the
boy but I'm afraid I will
never be able to look at
him the same way He's still
the 9-year-old smartass I love and
feel proud about But he's not
my son He really isn't my
biological child My wife came clean
about this and she said she
already knew he wasn't my son
She never told me because she
knew I would react this way
She probably knew me better than
I did
He is your son You've raised
him for Nine fucking years Nine
years of bed time stories Nine
years of hugs Nine years of
him calling you Dad That is
the stuff of fatherhood No genes
can ever change that Your wife
made a terrible mistake But none
of it was your child's fault
He's going to be going through
some very difficult times ahead and
he'll be needing his father Be
there for him
The shock is still too fresh
for your to know what to
do but one thing is clear
the child is blameless You are
his father regardless of the genetic
factors You loved him yesterday and
you will again love him tomorrow
The sin of the mother is
not the son's But you will
not be able to know/feel that
for awhile So get to a
counselor Couples counseling can wait a
bit as you need to deal
with your feelings about your son
ASAP and soonish your feelings for
your wife You wife did a
stupid and bad thing show yourself
that you are a whole lot
better than her standards of behavior
and do the right thing by
your son here In time when
some of this crap is behind
you you will like yourself a
whole lot better for having done
so and in time if/when your
son learns his history and he
reflects on your behaviors he will
think all the better of you
too Do not abandon the boy
in order to avoid the pain
of dealing with your wife Then
all 3 of you get hurt
You gotta be the adult here
and protect him He will find
out the truth in time and
if you dump on him now
and then he finds out the
truth he will have a bad
relationship with his mother perhaps no
relationship with you and also feel
bad as he was what broke
you two up So start the
hard work with a counselor ASAP
so he does not end up
majorly damaged You can do it
man I have not had this
exact experience but have dealt with
in my own life so pretty
nasty shit similar to this and
it does all work out in
the end Pain anger hate etc
all the bad emotions will be
felt and then you end up
on the other side knowing yourself
better than you ever did before
And you end up with a
new relationship with your son which
will evolve as he finds out
the truth too Just don't let
the boy be caught in any
emotional blast zones Genes or not
he is your son Please treat
him right
He's your kid man I am
a kid raised by a man
that wasn't my father but let
me tell you he was a
million times more of a dad
than my actual father ever could
be He needs you You guys
should consider going in for marriage
counseling You have all had a
happy life together and I personally
think it would be awful to
throw everything away so suddenly and
especially at a time like this
I see a lot of comments
telling you to forgive your wife
but fuck that I don't see
how you could want to stay
with a woman who cold-heartedly went
behind your back and fucked another
man over the course of a
month because she needed to get
out of her routine I'm sorry
but fuck that and fuck staying
with a piece of shit that
would be willing to do that
especially when things were going good
WTF is she going to do
when things get hard As for
the child you should still be
there for the child You've put
in the effort you shouldn't bail
now It's not his fault and
perhaps if you and your wife
were to separate you could get
that bond back with the child
Perhaps it's the presence of your
wife that's making you feel cold
towards the child Maybe subconsciously her
presence along with him being there
brings back images of the horrible
things your wife did to you
therefore you take it out on
the boy Assuming that the wife
is also a good mother the
boy's life would still be fine
and it would allow you to
move forward with your life Staying
with your wife for the sake
of the child is the absolute
worst thing you could do I'm
sure deep down your child would
just want you to be happy
and I think if you were
on your own you could get
over this and still provide for
him Good luck
Protip Your wife has likely been
fucking other men Once a cheater
always a cheater
