FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT IS
A VIDEO GAME SPEED RUNNER WITH
THE WORLD RECORD FOR BEATING
"SUPER MARIO BROS. 3".
PLEASE WELCOME MITCH FOWLER.
MITCH, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
BEING HERE.
FOR THE UNINITIATED, MITCH,
WHAT'S A SPEED RUNNER?
>> SOMEONE WHO BEATS A GAME AS A
MATTER OF FACT YOU POSSIBLY CAN.
>> Stephen: HOW QUICKLY CAN
YOU BEAT "SUPER MARIO BROS. 3"?
>> THREE MINUTE AND EIGHT
SECONDS.
>> Stephen: THAT'S YOUR
RECORD.
THE WHOLE THING, SAVE THE
PRINCESS AND EVERYTHING.
>> YEAH.
THAT'S ABOUT AS LONG AS IT TAKES
A TRACK TEAM TO RUN THE 4x400
RELAY.
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD FINISH
ALL OF "SUPER MARIO BROS. 3"
FASTER THAN IT TAKES FOUR
ATHLETES TO RUN A MILE?
>> YEAH, I THINK SO SO.
>> Stephen: YOUR TIME, THE
3:08, IS ABOUT THE TIME IT TAKES
A HUMAN BEING TO COOK AND EEPT A
HOT POCKET, ALL RIGHT.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: DO YOU THINK YOU
COULD BEAT "MARIO 3" AS A MATTER
F FACAS A MATTERFASTER THANTHAT.
>> YEAH.
I ACCEPT THAT CHALLENGE AND IT'S
TIME FOR THE INAUGURAL
"LATE SHOW" THREE-LEGGED RACE!
WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
TO THE "LATE SHOW" "THREE-LEGGED
RACE WHERE WE PROMISE SOMEONE
WILL BE FASTEST AT SOMETHING.
FOR PLAY-BY-PLAY, LET'S TURN IT
OVER TO CBS SPORTS' OWN IAN
EAGLE.
IAIN.
>> STEPHEN, THANKS VERY MUCH.
WELCOME TO AN UNPRECEDENTED CBS
SPORTS EVENT.
I HAVE NEVER, IN ALL MY CAREER,
ENJOYED THIS MANY ADULT
BEVERAGES BEFORE A JOB.
THAT'S TRUE.
AT THE TUBE TELEVISION, WE HAVE
MITCH FOWLER, A.K.A. MITCH
FLOWER POWER, THE "SUPER MARIO
BROS 3" WORLD-RECORD HOLDER.
AT THE MICROWAVE, WE HAVE
STEPHEN COLBERT, WITH A BOX OF
STANDARD-ISSUE PEPPERONI HOT
POCKETS.
AND AT NEW YORK CITY'S ARMORY
TRACK AND FIELD CENTER, WE HAVE
THE COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY MEN'S
4x400 TEAM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IS EVERYBODY READY?
>> Stephen: YES, I'M STARVING!
>> RACERS, TO YOUR MARKS.
( GUNFIRE )
IT'S A CLEAN START!
IT'S NOAH LARTEEG ON THE FIRST
LEG, AS MITCH STARTS HIS GAME
AT LEVEL ONE.
STEPHEN COLBERT TEARS OPEN HIS
HOT POCKET BOX LIKE A MAN
POSSESSED.
NO SURPRISE, MITCH IS FLYING
THROUGH THIS FIRST LEVEL.
THIS IS LIKE A COLLEGE PROFESSOR
DOMINATING KINDERGARTEN.
LARTEEG'S SETTING A NICE PACE,
ENTERING THE HOME STRETCH ON
THAT FIRST LAP RIGHT AS MITCH
COMPLETES LEVEL ONE.
THE VENUE IS THE ARMORY.
IT'S AN INDOOR TRACK, SO EACH
RUNNER WILL ACTUALLY COMPLETE
TWO LAPS BEFORE HANDING OFF THE
BATON, EIGHT LAPS TOTAL FOR JUST
OVER A MILE.
AND EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN
PITFALLS TO AVOID.
MARIO COULD DIE.
A RUNNER COULD DROP THE BATON.
COLBERT COULD SET THE TIMER
INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY STARTING THE
MICROWAVE.
MAKES YOU WONDER HOW MARIO WOULD
DO ON A REAL TRACK.
FIRST HAND-OFF FOR COLUMBIA--
THIS IS CRUCIAL-- AND THEY
NAILED IT.
BRIAN BROWNE TAKES OVER WITH A
NEW HEAD OF STEAM.
WE ARE NECK AND PIXELATED NECK
HERE SO FAR.
THIRD LEVEL IS A BIG ONE FOR
MITCH.
IT'S WHERE HE COLLECTS HIS FIRST
WARP WHISTLE.
HE NEEDS TWO FOR HIS RUN.
WE HAVE SOME BREAKING NEWS.
STEPHEN HAS PICKED A
NON-CAROUSEL MICROWAVE.
HE HAS TO STOP AND ROTATE THE
HOT POCKET BY HAND.
THAT'S A HUGE MENTAL ERROR FROM
COLBERT!
MITCH'S FIRST MAJOR MOVE IS THE
WHITE PLATFORM TRICK, TO
DISAPPEAR BEHIND THE SCENERY.
THIS IS NO HOLDS BARRED.
HE'S PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS.
BROWNE STARTS HIS LAST LAP,
TAKING THAT TURN RIGHT AS MITCH
COLLECTS THAT FIRST WARP
WHISTLE.
AGAIN, THIS IS ONE OF TWO THAT
HE NEEDS.
BROWNE SETTING A VERY NICE PACE
ON THAT BACK STRETCH, DIGGING
DEEP.
MITCH WILL NOW MAKE HIS WAY TO
THE CASTLE, AS BROWNE COMES
AROUND THE BEND INTO HIS FINAL
STRETCH.
MITCH IS STILL COOKING.
COLBERT IS COOKING HOT POCKET.
THE SECOND HANDOFF IS TO RON
BUSBY, WHO GRABS THE STICK WITH
NO ISSUES.
MITCH LEAPS OVER SOME LAVA
CHASMS.
COLBERT, STILL WAITING FOR HIS
HOT POCKET TO REACH PEAK
TEMPERATURE, APPEARS TO BE
ENJOYING THE HOT POCKET, BUT IT
IS HOT.
BUSBY SPRINTING TO THE END OF
THE LAP.
MITCH ZEROES IN ON THAT SECOND
WHISTLE.
MITCH NOW HAS BOTH OF THE
COLUMBIA IS CRUISING.
COLUMBIA LOOKING TO MAKE THE
FINAL.
Y THIS IS GOING TO BE VERY
TIGHT.
HERE COMES CALVIN.
MITCH, HE'S GOT TO BE CAREFUL.
VERY PRECISE SERIES OF MOVEMENTS
TO TRIGGER THE GAME-WINNING
PLEDGE.
CALVIN ENTERED THE TURN BEFORE
THE FINAL LAP.
IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
WE ARE WAITING TO SEE IF IT IS
COLUMBIA, IS IT MITCH, OR IS IT
COLBERT?
IT'S THE FINAL LAP.
COLUMBIA PUSHING HARD.
MITCH TRIGGERING THE SECRET
DOOR.
YELNATS CALVIN SCREAMING DOWN
THE BACK TURN AS STEPHEN COLBERT
SHOVELS PIPING-HOT DOUGH AND
FILLING INTO HIS MOUTH.
COLBERT WINS IT!
>> Stephen: WOOO!
WOOO!
>> Audience: STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
STEPHEN.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT AN UPSET
WINNER.
>> Stephen: IT'S OVER, BABY.
IT'S OVER.
>> INCREDIBLE!
INCREDIBLE DISPLAY IN THE
INAUGURAL "LATE SHOW"
THREE-LEGGED RACE.
>> Stephen: IAIN EAGLE,
EVERYBODY.
MITCH, THANKS VERY MUCH.
IAIN EAGLE, ALWAYS A THRSH TO
HAVE YOU HERE
CHECK OUT "SUMMER GAMES DONE
QUICK," A 24-HOUR LIVE STREAM
FOR CHARITY, FEATURING MITCH
FOWLER.
IT WILL BE THROUGH THE TENTH OF
JULY.
MY TONGUE MIGHT HAVE TO BE
SURGICALLY REMOVED.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY.
