*Rolls free shitty news-template intro*
What is up, DramaAlert Nation
I'm your host, Killer Keemstar
Let's get right
Into the news
Well everyone, I don't know how to say this
I hope you guys are having a great day today but
This short story of it is, uh, well
You're all going to die in about 30 minutes
That's right
We're about to be fucking NUKED
Chances of you surviving is basically 0
You have a better chance of having a heart attack
From just hearing this message as we speak
If you're one of those rich fucks
That decided to buy a fallout shelter 20 years ago
I'd like to gladly let you know that you're still fucked as well
The new nuclear bombs are fucking insane
And your little fallout shelter is going to protect you just as much as a little kid
Hiding under his blanket, from a Minecraft YouTuber
It does nothing
You're gonna die
It's a fucking joke, chill out
But yeah, there's really not much else to say
I hope you guys have lived a good life so far
And if you didn't, too fucking bad
Well that's pretty much it
Enjoy dying along with the rest of the Human Race
And a big ball of fire
I'm gonna go fuck my hamster
Good night, you pieces of shit
