Hey, what's up friend. Kris Krohm here. A 
lot of you are subscribed to this
channel and follow me because I'm
showing you how to make millions of
dollars in business or real estate. Or
I'm teaching you the mindset. Today
however, I actually want to bring my wife
on the channel and get an opportunity to
back up and say, "Hey, you can have all the
money in the world. You can have the help
that you want.
But if your relationships
are not
where you want
them to be, it can
sometimes feel like it doesn't even
matter." So today, is dedicated to you and
service of you with the best marriage
advice and relationship advice that has
allowed my wife and I to overcome our
hardships or difficulties and literally
live and set up shop on cloud 9.
Hey everybody! This is my wife Kalenn.
-Hi everybody!
-I know you don't get a chance to see her
very often or if you come out to my live
events, you certainly get to meet her.
She's not only the most important person
in my world. Not just the mother of her
4 kids. But we've been together now
for what? 17 years of marriage? -17. -we've
known each other for nearly 18 years.
-Yeah. -And listen, if you're watching this
video, it might be because you are
looking for some advice. And listen, we
certainly have been through, if you look
back, everything started off wonderful
and then at one point it's like, "Do we
even love each other anymore?" There was
frustration that was doubt, there was
worry. There's very real frustrations. For
starters, Kalenn, I mean how real is and how
important is this conversation? -I think
it's really important. That happens with
every marriage or maybe every close
relationship where starts out great for
a certain period of time and then real
life sets in, real arguments come up, real
differences come up. You know, a lot of
people want to know how do you work
through those and keep the marriage
alive and keep the love alive and keep
that spark alive? -There's a lot of people
that are just in patterns where it's
like, "Well, when we talk about this,
everything's great. But then these are
the things that we can't talk about
because if we do, there's going to be anger
or sadness or tears or shutdown." There
going to be some kind of pattern that isn't
healthy for the relationship. I mean
that's kind of where things used to be
for us is started great like you said
and then got that difficulty. One of the
patterns that I've kind of recognized is
that when you first fall in love,
it's very unconditional. There's nothing
you wouldn't do for the person that you
love. -And I think you also are looking
for the things you have in common. You're
looking for the things that you agree on.
There's kind of that really rose-colored
glasses feel when new. -Yeah. But listen,
the moment things get hard, the moment there's
financial difficulties, the moment you
start finding the things that you can
also argue about, that's what I find that
love goes from being unconditional to
transactional. And it just means that we
start scorekeeping. And then it just
becomes, "Well, if you do this, I'll do this
and if you do that, I'll do that." A
transactional relationship... -It sounds
like a business. -It is. It only brings so
much joy, it only brings so much
happiness. And
maybe you can relate to that if you're
watching this. And you're figuring out,
"Man, you're right Kris. It started off
unconditional. And then it became
transactional. How do you get back to
unconditional?" My wife and I, we invented
a little game that I daresay almost
feels like it saved her marriage because
it took us from rocky ground and
literally when I say set up shop on
cloud 9, it's because really day in
and day out for the most part you know,
I'm appreciative the fact that I can go
crush it in business and be with my kids
and hang out with my friends. And always
come home and know that we've got that...
This is the strongest part of my life is
the relationship that we have. So, this
woman is absolutely amazing. And she's
chosen that way, I've chosen be that way.
Here's the game. We call it The
Unconditional Love Game. Alright. Where
it's all unicorns... My daughter
say that it's always unicorns and
cupcakes. And everything's always
wonderful. It's like, "Ahh, that'd be great.
If that were true ,how do you get there?"
This game was rocked from a dark place
in my personal life. Where my wife and I
couldn't get we really couldn't get face
to face on a number of issues. As dumb as
it sounds here on camera, I mean the
reality is we would fight over the same
handful of things over and over again.
And for me, part of it was my commitment
to Germanic cleanliness. I wanted the
dishes done a certain way. I wanted the
closet organized. You know, when it came
to intimacy, I wanted her love life to be
a certain way. And when I couldn't have
that, there was this dissonance one day,
it just occurred to me that instead of
contemplating divorce, contemplate what
it would be to go back to unconditional
love. And so, the very next morning I
turned to my wife. And as I woke up next
to her I said, "Hey, what can I do today to
show you I love you?" -And that's number
1.
And Kalenn came up with a request. I think
it was probably odd for her to have
gotten that for me. But she made her
request and it had to do I think with
getting the kids ready for school.
-It was something. -I remember
because I hate dressing my kids. Like I
don't know where to find their crap. And
is it the right thing? I've got my one
boy wearing my younger boys clothing. And
nothing fits to me all the time. And you
know, so she made that request. And step
2 is to do it. And step 3 is to do
it without strings attached. Meaning it's
not a trade. Kalenn gave me
request, I did it that day. And I didn't just
do it to say I did it and check out the
box. I did it to the way she would have
wanted. Which meant, I took the extra time
to put Karen to do these clothes match.
Are these things the right thing. Though
is this the way she would have dress
them? Yes, I got my kids ready and then
and then I made sure during the day that
I wasn't looking for compensation. I
wasn't looking for an acknowledgement. I
wasn't looking for appreciation. The gift
came with no strings. Step 4 as we
climb back in bed and I just said, "Hey, at
the start of the day you asked me to do
X. Give me some feedback. How did that go?
Could have done better?" And this is where
you're just sincerely looking for help
to know her mind. Your spouse's mind.
Your significant other. What is it that
they really wanted. And did you need that
because it's learning how to love them
the way that they want to be loved? -That
breaks up a principle that we like to
talk about called Spousal Advocacy. Which
means that you want what your spouse
wants because they want it. You show up
for them to do what they want. And for me,
nowadays, like that feels like an
integral part of where operate all the
time. You know, if you say something that
you want maybe it's not something I want
for you or or I want. But I want to give
you what you want. And I want you to... Your
happiness it's so important to me. So,
it's absolutely how can we make that
happen?
-But to be clear, that's not how it
started. You see the very next day, I've
got up and I ask Kalenn. "What could I do for
you today?" It was not easy. It was weird
to just be doing all these favors for my
wife without expecting. Somehow I had
habituated myself to wanting something
in return. But by the first week, I
noticed something of playing this game.
First of all, Kalenn  didn't know what the game
was. She wasn't playing the game. It was
just me playing the game. She was a part
of the game. And I came to realize that
the game was for me not her. I changed my
heart. Then 3 weeks later, being much
happier in my relationship, something
weird happened. Turn over to Kaleen in the
morning. Step 1, "Hey, what can I do for you
today?"
And then when she told me what she
wanted, that's... -Probably had to do with the
dishes. -Probably had to do it there. But
then you turn to me and then you
reciprocate it. -Yeah. -I said, "Well what can
I do for you today to show you I love
you?" -Now, at first, I'm not going to lie. My
imagination ran
wild. And I'm like, "Yes!" And then I'm like, "No, no, no.
That's the conditional part of you
showing up again." So, I made a request. And
at the end of that day, I had done the
thing that Kalenn asked me she had not
done the thing that I asked for. -Yet. -You
didn't do it that day. And it's like, at
first I was like, "This was like messing
with me." I'm like. And I'd remind myself,
"You're unconditional. It's not an exchange.
Do not hold that expectation over her
head. It's okay if she doesn't. You get to
love her no matter what. You had to love
her on our best days and worst days. You
had to love her whether she's
reciprocating or not." -It must have been a
worse day. -Well, I'll tell you what. Over
the next couple of days, you kept on
reciprocating and asking and then
started. And then we got into this
amazing routine of both of us asking the
question. Before that happened though, I
learned how to be happy in my
relationship again. Because I thought
that my wife needed to do something for
me.
The reality is I needed to show up with
a more pure heart. I needed to show up
with the love and say, "Hey, I love you on
your best days and worst days. And I love
you no matter what. And I'll show up for
you no matter what." And to this... Even
though we've talked marriage courses and
relationship courses. And we got one
coming up and why it led us here.
Out of everything that we share, this is
probably the most transformational, cute,
little game that you can play in your
relationship. So, if you're struggling in
a relationship right now, the 4 steps.
Number 1, ask today what can I do for
you. Step 2, do it.
Step 3, do not look for an exchange.
And then step 4, at the end of it,
get some real feedback. "How could I have
done that better?" Play this game for 30
days. See how it impacts your heart. See
how it changes the game. Especially when
you don't expect anything. For me, did
somewhere. That didn't place me back to
how good things were when we met. It took
us to places that we've never been
before. And that's really been the
reality. For you, what's been the best
part of where we're at today and having
played this game for years now. What
advice would you give our friends here
that are looking for that relationship
advice? -Around the same time we did that,
we really did a lot of releasing and
letting go of old hurts, old baggage. And
I think that's really important. Becuase it
really felt like a new beginning in our
marriage where everything could just be
fresh and we could just show up for each
other.
And then when there's days where we feel
like we can't afford a bad space or you
know, hormones or whatever it is that you
can hold space for the other person and
just love them without expecting that
reciprocation. Because it's a one-person
game. You don't have to have your spouse
play it. If they're not in a space to, if
they're not ready to. Knowing that you
are the ones showing up to contribute to
the relationship instead of waiting or
instead of taking, that makes such a
difference to me.
-Absolutely. And for those of you that
watch my channel because you like all
the wealth and the financial the real
estate training. The reality is is that
it's time to broaden the definition of
wealth. It's not money. That begins to
scrape the surface of what real wealth
is. In the end, how you feel about your
life, how much you enjoying your life. How
much you enjoy and the people there in
your life. That's the wealth that really
matters. And you can have all the money
in the world but if you lose that core
relationship, then all the sudden, it
doesn't matter anymore. And so, understand
that this is where you want to make your
biggest investment. If you're going to
take money and put it in property to
invest it or do things for your
financial future then the gift here is
the gift of time in the language of the
person that you love. So, find out what
they want and then love them
unconditionally in that matter. And if
you do that my friend, no matter how dark
it is right now, the Sun will rise again.
And it's up to you to make that happen.
Play the unconditional love game. Take
your life in marriage to a whole new
level. Thank you so much for watching
today's video. I hope that was helpful. t
was in the service of all of you out
there in committed relationships wanting
to know how to love them up. For those of
you that really enjoyed this video, share
it with so many. But even more so, if you
click the link in the description below,
my real secret to having an amazing
marriage comes down to breakthrough. My
wife and I are both certified in the
technique that I created. And it's all
about how you overcome any limitations
it's how you overcome you know really
negative emotions. And it's really how
you learn how to step up and become
at your own will rather than whatever
circumstance is happening in your life.
So, I've written a book called Limitless.
If you want to get your hands on a free
copy of it, it'll show you the 9 steps
of how I can take any problem and then
annihilate it. And turn it into your most
blissful part of who you are as a human
being. So, if you'd like that free gift,
all you got to do is click the link
below. You'll also learn about some of
our other events that were having that
are designed to help you level up your
relationship. Thanks for watching my
friend. Will see you tomorrow.
