>>> ALL RIGHT, DRUNKY MCDRUNKS,
LAST CALL.
HOOK UP NOW OR GO HOME AND HUMP
YOUR BODY PILLOWS.
>> HANG ON, BARTENDER, GIVE ME
ONE MORE SCOTCH AND PEPTO.
I GOT A CASE OF THE SQUIRTS BUT
I STILL WANT TO DRINK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> MAKE MINE A GIN AND SONIC
PLEASE.
GIN WITH A LITTLE HAMBURGER IN
IT.
WHAT HAVE I GOT TO LOSE BESIDES
ANOTHER FOOT?
HA HA!
>> OH, BROTHER.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
>> IS THIS THANKSGIVING YET?
LOOKS LIKE THERE'S STILL ONE
LITTLE BUTTERBALL ROLLING AROUND
IN THE FREEZER.
>> OH, YEAH?
WHY DON'T YOU SET ME ON THE
COUNTER AND LET ME COME TO ROOM
TEMP BEFORE YOU STUFF MY BUTT
FULL OF CORNBREAD, HUH?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YELLOW CARD!
>> MIND IF I PLOP MY SLOP A
LITTLE CLOSER?
>> SURE, LET ME JUST MOVE MY
BRIEFCASE.
BY BRIEFCASE I MEAN ZIP-LOC BAG
FILLED WITH EMERGENCY UNDERWEAR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> BARTENDER.
DO YOU HAVE A COAT CHECK?
>> YEAH.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU KNOW, I WAS LOOKING AT
YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE THAT
CERTAIN STILL HERE QUALITY.
>> AND I NOTICED YOU BECAUSE THE
WHOLE BACK OF YOUR SHIRT IS
BURNT OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH, YEAH?
WELL, JOKE'S ON YOU.
BECAUSE THAT'S THE FRONT.
A RIVAL TRIED TO SET ME ON FIRE
AND SHE DID IT.
HI.
I'M SHEILA SAVAGE.
>> I FEEL LIKE I'VE SEEN YOU
BEFORE.
>> UH-HUH.
YOU MIGHT RECOGNIZE ME FROM
ABC'S "WHAT WOULD YOU DO?"
I WAS THE ONE THAT DIDN'T HELP
THE TOURIST GETTING MUGGED.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
MATTER OF FACT, I JOINED IN.
SO WHAT'S ON YOUR DRIVER'S
LICENSE?
>> BESIDES LEGALLY BLIND, AND
ORGAN NEEDER?
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
IT'S GOT THE NAME COREY DIPSHIPS
WHICH IS WEIRD BECAUSE I SHIP
DIPS TO KOREA.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> THAT'S CRAZY.
I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM CHINATOWN.
>> OH!
OH, WOW.
OH!
SOMETHING'S HAPPENING HERE.
YEAH.
>> IT'S CALLED THE FIRST SIGN OF
THE APOCALYPSE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU KNOW, WHEN I FIRST SAW
YOU I WAS LIKE F-NO.
NOW I'M LIKE, F-I GUESS.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU, YOU HAD ME AT WHEN I
REMEMBERED THERE ARE DETECTIVES
WAITING FOR ME AT MY APARTMENT.
YOU FEELING WHAT I'M FEELING?
>> IF IT'S RESIGNATION, THEN
YES.
>> WHAT'S YOUR SIGN?
>> OH, I'M ON THE CUSP.
YOU SEE, MY HEAD POKED OUT ON A
TUESDAY.
BUT I KEPT MY FEETS IN TILL
FRIDAY.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
WHAT'S YOUR SIGN?
>> VAGITARRIUS.
>> GOOD.
NOW I CAN'T HEAR THINGS.
>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
I CAN TAKE A HINT.
WHY DON'T WE GO BACK TO YOUR
PLACE AT 67th?
>> 67th?
>> YEAH, THAT'S ME TRYING TO GET
AT YOUR JUNK WHILE YOU'RE
LIKE THIS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> AH.
I'D RATHER GO BACK TO MY PLACE
AND DO A LITTLE 66.
>> OH, YEAH, WHAT'S THAT?
>> THAT'S YOU FACING AWAY FROM
ME, AND I JUST WORK ON MYSELF.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> JUST SEAL THE DEAL SO I CAN
POWER WASH YOUR STOOLS.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> SLUGGER, LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST
HIT A GROUNDER AND YOU'RE HEADED
TO FIRST BASE.
>> THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE I HAVE A
ROD AND IT'S AS UNPOPULAR AS THE
BALL PLAYER.
>> ALL RIGHT.
LET ME JUST GET MY AXE BODY
SPRAY ON.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WOW.
THAT WAS DEEROTIC.
>> YEAH, YOU GAVE ME A HARD-OFF.
>> HANG ON, HANG ON.
I THINK IN THESE DARK TIME WET
NEED A LITTLE GRACE AND A LITTLE
BEAUTY.
LET'S BELLAGIO THIS SUCKER.
>> LET'S DO IT.
>> BARTENDER, A LITTLE WC,
PLEASE.
♪♪♪
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> GOD DAMMIT, ANTHONY, YOU LET
HER GET TO YOU.
WELL, TIME TO BE A GOOD GUY WITH
A GUN.
>> HEY, WE'RE MAKING OUT OVER
HERE!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪
