(toys clattering)
- Oo.
Yes.
Oh.
- Don't finish those last few peas.
Stick 'em up your nose.
- Are you done with your food?
Just scrape the rest down on the floor.
- Just scrape the rest on the floor.
- Oh hey bud, not in the
toilet. Pee on the seat.
Your mom loves that.
- Hey guys, can you keep screaming?
Aunt Rachel's on the phone.
- Hey, don't listen to what I'm saying.
- Hey guys it's play time.
Let's make sure you get out all the toys
and just spread 'em around.
- Oh, are you done with your gum?
Just put it in your hair.
- Don't even worry about pickin' 'em up.
That's for losers.
- No, you are not taking a bath tonight.
You had one three days ago.
- Sure buddy, we can get as
many sugary cereals as you want.
Yup, that's nothin' but food coloring.
That's perfect.
You're gonna lose those
baby teeth in no time.
- You don't need to brush your teeth.
Dentists are full of shit.
- No more looking out the window.
Stare at your iPad.
- Kids come inside and watch TV.
Now.
- 10 episodes of Paw Patrol?
That sounds awesome.
I'll call in sick for work.
- I feel like our kids
need more stuffed animals.
- Mommy's sleeping.
Can you play that recorder louder?
- You know what else our toddler needs?
A drum set.
- Sure you can take your
shoes off in the sand,
just make sure you forget them here.
I'll buy you new ones.
- Oh that's great, cover yourself in sand.
Yeah no, don't shake it off,
we'll do that in the car.
- Buddy don't use a napkin,
just wipe your mouth on your shirt.
- Guys what are you doing?
I want to pick up the dog poop.
- Let's play a game.
Go hide mommy's car keys.
- Hey buddy, daddy's relaxing.
Can you come jump on me?
- [Boy] Okay.
(grunts)
God (coughing).
Okay.
- 57.
This is so fun, hide 'em good.
- Hey kids, just play a
little closer to the edge.
Woo!
That's a big drop (laughs).
Yeah get a little closer.
- No no no, that's not
too high. Just jump.
Jump down it's only 15 feet.
- If you fall just somersault.
You'll be fine.
- Don't worry mommy's got band-aids
in the car and insurance.
- Can you spread these chips
all over the back seat?
Really get it down into the cracks okay?
Wipe your greasy hands on the leather.
- We don't have to shop
together all the time.
Go do your own thing.
Come on.
Go do your own thing.
- Oh what's that a rusty nail?
What a great find.
- Hey that snake might be venomous.
Make sure you grab it by the tail.
- Oh did you draw a little bit of blood?
Just rub it in the sand, just rub it.
Rub it in the sand.
- You want a drink of mommy's coffee?
Here, let me take the lid off.
- Hey guys I found some wild berries.
Come here, you try 'em first.
- Oh it's okay if you can't
choose which one you want.
Daddy will just get 'em all.
(boxes clattering)
- Hey, let's listen to that chipmunk
song for the next two hours.
Your sister did what?
Pull her hair.
- Just push him down
the slide, super hard.
- Hey, who wants to have a sword fight?
- Alright, it's lights out.
Just stand there okay?
Just stand there and scream.
- Daddy's got a big meeting tomorrow
so please wake me up at
2 a.m. for no reason.
- Yeah and then after you go back
to bed then just crap yourself okay?
They grow up too slow.
(rock music)
(babies laughing)
- [Baby] Dad dude, dad
dude, dad dude, dad dude.
(baby babbling)
(man laughing)
- [Woman] He sounds so sweet.
