• From peeing in public to smoking a newspaper,
the Planet Dolan crew re-enact some of the
best true stories from our subreddit about
our weirdest encounters with homeless people.
I’m Danger Dolan – or – Zaraganba and
today I’ll be your narrator.
Number 10 was submitted by Catloversodafreak
Cidius
Cid was downtown when he wanted some donuts.
He saw a Dunkin Donuts across the street,
but as he tried to cross a homeless man came
up to him and asked for change.
Cid said no and tried to walk but was stopped
again – in the middle of the street and
stopping traffic – by the man.
He asked again, but Cid got angry and told
him no.
He then crossed the street and went to the
Dunkin Donuts.
When he came out, the man went up to him and
said, “Hey, can I have a donut?”
Cid said, “No means no.”
The man flapped his arms up and down, stomped
his feet and started spitting on the ground.
Cid just looked at him as he boarded a bus
to go home.
Number 9 was submitted by sarakurashi Ramona
One time, Ramona was leaving a reptile convention
when she saw a homeless man yelling at the
guard near the entrance.
He yelled at the guard to let him in or he
would have Satan chew his head off like tobacco.
Ramona quickly ran to her car.
Then, just out of the corner of her eye, she
saw the hobo chasing after her.
He grabbed her arm, took the baby kingsnake
she'd bought, and started to run.
Luckily, the security guard caught him and
returned the snake to her.
They arrested him for assault, theft and possession
of illegal drugs.
Before he was shoved in the back of the police
car, he started yelling things like, "Satan
will kill you all!" and "The snake!
The snake!
He can see through the eyes of the snake!"
Number 8 was submitted by Killstroke117 SaltySquid
SaltySquid was walking down the street with
his bike and saw a homeless man.
Every day for the next week, the man stared
at him as he walked by on that street.
One day, he saw the man in an alley.
He felt bad for the man and wanted to give
him money.
He stepped into the alley and saw him chanting
something as a goat’s head sat on a table.
SaltySquid made sure to never walk past that
alley again.
Number 7 was submitted by BeheldMender478
GhostToast
When GhostToast was in 8th grade, he and his
mom got some ice cream from Dairy Queen.
Because it was a busy day, all the tables
were taken.
So they walked a few blocks down the road
to an empty bench.
Just as they sat down, an old homeless guy
with a bottle wrapped in a paper bag came
up from behind them.
He laughed and sat down next to GhostToast.
The man looked at him, then his mom, and then
GhostToast again and said, "Well boy, you
feeling the music yet?"
He took a big gulp from the bottle, mumbled
some incomprehensible gibberish, and began
to run down the street on all fours laughing
and barking like a dog.
GhostToast and his mom were so shocked that
they didn't notice that their ice cream had
melted.
Number 6 was submitted by Huntergirl928 Doopie
Doopie was working the drive thru at a Goodwill
store, helping a customer with his donations
when a homeless guy came up to them.
He asked, "You got any SOCKS?"
Doopie answered, “You can get some socks
inside for a really cheap price.”
But he wouldn’t go.
He said, "But I want free socks."
Suddenly, he told her how beautiful she was
and how her hair seemed smooth to the touch.
Then he came up with, "You guys wanna smell
my feet?
They really stink."
Doopie was about to get her manager when he
started to ask for money.
The customer instead grabbed his wallet and
pulled out a five.
The homeless man saw the twenty in there and
tried to reach for it, but Doopie got in-between
them and said, "Sir, you need to leave or
else I'll get my manager."
The guy just looked at her for a moment, took
the money the customer gave him, and left.
The homeless guy didn't go inside to get socks…
he walked a few yards away to some woman who
sold him a beer!
Number 5 was submitted by FeralRavage Mimi
A long time ago, when Mimi was on the bus
to go home, a tipsy homeless man stumbled
onto the bus.
He walked very clumsily and had a crooked
grimace on his face.
He constantly went from seat to seat, sitting
next to people.
At one point he even leaned in close to a
lady's face like he was about to kiss her.
Everyone, including Mimi, sat in shock and
silence.
Eventually he sat across from Mimi and started
arguing and yelling at cars passing by, like
he was delusional.
As she was about to leave the bus, Mimi glanced
back to see him stroke and lick the bus pole.
He said to everyone, "Isn't she beautiful!?"
Number 4 was submitted by NathanDrakeula Legna
On Legna's 21st birthday, he went to a store
with his mom and uncle went to pick up a cake.
As his uncle was going through the self-checkout,
Legna suddenly caught the strong scent of
pee.
He looked behind him without making it too
obvious, and saw a homeless guy.
The guy came up behind him and slowly put
his hands near Legna's head.
Then he jittered a bit, and did a gesture
like he was squeezing Legna's head before
slowly pulling his hands away.
Legna wasn't sure what to do so he held in
his tears and asked his uncle to leave.
Number 3 was submitted by Cloud_009 Hellbent
One Friday night, when Hellbent was in college,
he and 5 of his friends took a train to go
to a party.
After a couple of minutes, the train stopped
on the tracks saying there was a delay.
Right after the announcement, a homeless man
sitting on the train laughed like a madman.
He then pulled out what looked like a newspaper
and started smoking it.
The car started to smell like a combination
of burned plastic, meat, and something else.
The man then started yelling at his own reflection,
saying he wanted to rape and fuck up everyone
on the train.
Once the train started up again, Hellbent
and his friends got off at the next stop.
Last thing he saw was the guy still laughing
maniacally, smoking his makeshift joint, blowing
the smoke at the glass and then licking it.
Number 2 was submitted by DiyGirl56 Melissa
Melissa was walking by a Starbucks when she
saw a crazy homeless man.
He was acting as though he had a dog and was
holding it by the leash.
He bent down to pet his invisible dog and
gave it an invisible treat.
It was really weird for Melissa to see…
but then.
The man walked to a trash can in front of
Starbucks, put his hand in the trash, grabbed
a cup and started drinking from it!
