- From Seminole Hard Rock
in Hollywood, Florida,
this is Poker Night in America.
(upbeat music)
Hello and welcome to
Poker Night in America.
I am Chris Hanson,
that's Joe Stapleton.
- Hello my babies.
Tonight we'll see some
new faces at the table
and some of the usual
ones that we really like.
- You mean like when
Jess Dawley comes and
hangs out on the rail
for a little while?
- No, I meant Phil
Laak, he's the best.
Also, there is a massive
pot, so stick around.
- [Chris] Stapes,
what did you do,
like everyone left the table,
we've got five new players
that're sitting down to join us.
- [Joe] I've been told that
it's a body hygiene issue.
- [Chris] Poker Night in
America brought to you
by Kimo Sabe.
- [Joe] Suited ace to kick
things off for Phil Laak.
- The speech was the best
part other than that he was
completely wrong
about the speech.
- [Voiceover] Correct.
- The speech couldn't be
further from the truth.
- I really thought I couldn't
bet, but I just couldn't lose.
- [Joe] What speech
are we talking about?
Are we talking about
last week's South Park?
Stan delivered a doozy.
Finally somebody's
got some cojones,
raising to 300, Asher Conniff.
- Wow, that's what happens
when an unstoppable force meets
an immovable object.
- [Joe] Look guys, we have
to stop treating people like
objects if we ever
want the game to grow.
- Both properties retain.
- [Chris] Three players are
gonna see the flop together.
- [Voiceover] Shut up, Asher.
- [Chris] It's queen high.
- So Matt, how was the,
er, what do you want to
be called by?
- [Matt] Me?
- Yeah, Matt?
Sutter?
No?
- [Matt] Louis.
- Louis?
Louis how was the
thing you played in?
- [Joe] Matt Salsberg
she's talking to.
His name is not Louis but
his personality does resemble
Rick Moranis from Ghostbusters.
- That was a 1k?
- [Matt] That was a 1k.
We did a $500-
- [Joe] Everybody
fasten your seatbelts.
We are very likely
to see a car crash.
- Wow.
- [Joe] I don't know why you'd
need to fasten your seatbelts
to see a car crash, but it
sounded better in my head.
Conniff gets out of the way
but with the nut flush draw and
Phil Laak's propensity to
gamble, things could get weird.
Problem with Phil's hand is
that he's kinda gonna wanna see
both cards, so calling once
is often not gonna be enough,
and if he hits as hard of the
turn, it's not always gonna
get him paid.
He may elect to just get
all the money in now.
- I really wanna
do it, Dan Shak.
I just wanna move forward.
Like, with consistent, delicate,
well-appointed strength,
and have them land here.
(laughter)
But, I don't want you to
like, have three queens, too.
No fun.
- [Joe] He's gonna need
a delicate, consistent,
well-appointed heart
on the turn or river.
- You want me to shove it?
I mean, you can help me decide.
- [Joe] Sorry, Phil,
I can't help you.
- [Esther] It's Louis.
- Calling him Louis
'cause I'm Matt.
- [Esther] Yeah,
it's Louis to you.
- [Chris] There they go.
Everything into the middle.
- That's a tough decision, you.
- [Esther] I actually really
like when the hands take this
long, because I see-
- How much is it?
- This.
- Oh, good.
- [Chris] Shak calls!
Here we go, baby.
- Oh, man, I got ace
high, what do you got?
- I got better than ace high.
But you got a flush
draw for sure.
- Yeah.
- Yet to turn it up.
- [Chris] So we're gonna
be looking for hearts here
for Phil Laak.
- [Joe] Running sixes.
That's about it.
- [Chris] That would be dirty.
Shak is gonna have to fade.
- Nice hand.
- [Voiceover] Six is live.
- [Chris] That is not a heart.
- Keep it back and I'll
pay you in Bellagio
flags or something.
Can I pay you in flags?
- [Chris] So let's go ahead
and pound out a $38,000 pot
to get rolling here on
Poker Night in America.
Mr. Ash Money is
getting involved.
350 is the raise.
- [Dan] I did well last time.
- [Chris] Mukul Pahuja gonna
make the call with a suited
nine-10.
- [Voiceover] 350 from
Mukul "The Master" Pahuja.
- [Voiceover] Replacing
the former Master?
That's not a good legacy
to keep, actually.
- I was almost gonna add,
like, Mukul "The Better Half,"
or Mukul, you know, I was
gonna try to see if I can,
see if Vinnie's watching, get
up from behind the curtain.
"What'd you say?"
Hi Vinnie, I love you.
- You have no shot.
I'm good.
- Haven't I?
- [Joe] E-Tay with the
best hand pre-flop.
(chattering)
These suited gappers and
connectors are so juicy
in cash games.
Top pair for Esther.
Everyone else has got a draw.
- [Chris] 700 from Conniff.
- [Joe] Oh, we finally get
a look at Matt Salsberg,
writer for the TV show
Weeds, and he's been in them
ever since.
Asher Conniff is about to show
everyone just why you like
hands like this so much.
- [Chris] Everybody liking
where they're at on the flop.
- [Joe] Two pair now for E-Tay.
- [Chris] She checks.
The action's on Asher Conniff.
- [Joe] I think Asher's
gotta bet this again.
If no one has an ace, everyone
could fold, and if not,
he could build a pot and try
to have a big river suck out.
- [Chris] 2k.
Pahuja gone.
- [Joe] I'd say there's a
fair shot Esther, she does not
look like an Esther by
the way, raises here.
She can give the wrong price
to a draw and get called by
lots of worse hands.
- [Chris] Just a call.
Okay, here comes the river.
- [Joe] River is a brick.
Conniff's only shot at
this is to try to bluff it.
We know it's best that
he try to give it up.
- Dammit.
(laughter)
That's it.
- [Joe] That and the quick call.
Oh, and did I mention that
sometimes suited connectors
lose, too?
(laughter)
Don't mind me, I'll get my coat.
- We have got more Poker Night
in America from South Florida
when we come back.
- Yes.
- [Chris] Poker Night in
America is brought to you by our
trusted friend,
Kimo Sabe Mezcal.
Why settle for tequila?
Step up to Kimo Sabe.
Welcome back to Poker
Night in America.
Over the break, both Conniff
and Affleck added 5k to their
stack, so let's see how far
they can go with a little extra
fuel in the tank.
- Maybe they should just
drive hybrids, a-doi!
- Poker Night in America
brought to you by Kimo Sabe.
- You have to sit in
the middle seat, now.
- [Joe] You know I had
a middle seat on the
flight over here.
When I have the middle seat,
I like to be the last person
to board the plane, that way
I give the people on either
side of me, like,
this wicked slow roll.
- I've actually never
played in the ladies' one.
I'm excited to play.
- Be prepared to drink.
- [Esther] Yeah, I think
it's a lot more fun.
- Yeah, definitely.
- [Esther] Yeah, you
know, less serious.
- Is that four or three?
- [Esther] I mean it's not
as fun for me because Asher's
not, like, lighting it
on fire, but you know.
- [Asher] That's a fact.
If they'll let me
in, I'll light it.
- [Voiceover] Yeah, let him in.
- Always down to
light it on fire.
It's never a problem.
- [Chris] Well, we're speaking
of lighting money on fire,
Asher Conniff with kings,
Phil Laak with aces.
- Really wanted to squeeze
something good out there.
- [Chris] So I was gonna say
Phil Laak has cracked more
kings than inbreeding, but
he is not even gonna have to
crack them.
- Dealer we got.
- [Chris] I think it comes
to players' lives, Phil Laak,
you have to fore-bet him.
He's not gonna put in
2250 and then just fold.
Even if he's
pre-betting you light,
he's probably gonna call.
- You called 2250.
- You bet 2250.
- [Phil] I did.
- [Asher] We've both
made factual statements.
- [Chris] Well the flop is jack
high with a couple of clubs.
- [Joe] Both players
have backdoor clubs, too.
Almost no shot this turns
out well for Conniff.
Phil's decided to not
continue this flop.
- This hand might
get out of control,
because the spaceship is on
the other side of planet Earth,
and I'm not getting
any reception.
- [Joe] You'd think they'd
have figured out how to bounce
the signal.
- [Chris] And there go all
the chips and a quick call.
Ugh, it's always aces.
Ugh, guys, it's always aces.
Uh, run it 27 times?
- [Dan] That was the real deal.
- [Voiceover] Nice answer.
- [Chris] Ugh.
- [Phil] You have
clubs too, right?
- [Chris] And just about all
the air is out of the Conniff
balloon and there it is.
Thank you very much.
- [Asher] Phil, nice
playing with you.
- [Joe] Smell you later, Asher.
- Action, action player
coming on the way.
You guys are welcome.
- [Voiceover] Kessler?
- No.
- [Esther] I said action player.
- [Voiceover] You're
sarcastic a lot of the time.
- [Esther] Well,
I'm being serious.
- [Chris] Oh, look at this.
Salsberg's gonna play.
Alright, here we go, jacks.
- [Voiceover] Are we
getting anybody else there?
- [Esther] What did
you say about me?
- [Chris] Phil Laak,
what are you using to
power those goggles?
Who's gonna come
through that door?
- [Joe] I bet it's something
like gluten free dark matter.
Pahuja just straddled his hand,
so he's already in for 100.
- [Chris] He's got ace-king.
- [Dan] You're welcome for
not making you people wait-
- [Chris] Alright,
so here we go.
Flop is three-four-five
with a couple of spades.
- [Joe] What a
flop for Phil Laak.
Flops a pair and a flush draw.
He is nearly 50% to
crack two better hands.
- [Dan] Yeah, very quickly.
- [Joe] Salsberg is
leading with the over pair,
continuing his
pre-flop aggression.
- [Chris] And it does appear
that Phil Laak will be raising.
Yup, up to 1825.
- [Joe] Love this raise.
He probably won't fold out
better but he could easily have
the best hand and he's building
a pot if he gets better.
- [Chris] You gotta think
Pahuja's gonna be gone here with
ace-king.
Well, he does have a gut shot
and back door spades, but yup,
he's gone.
- [Esther] Sorry-
- Hold on, let me just tell
you something before you call.
That if you can call,
you should show.
'Cause you're beating me right
now, and you haven't called
yet, so you still have a
lot of opportunity to show.
- [Joe] Matt's got a
lot to worry about here.
I say he can call this, but
if another straight or flush
card comes he's gonna have
to get away from this the way
Showtime got away from Weeds.
Matt's other option of course
is to ship it in now and just
hope he's ahead and
it comes brick-brick.
- You want me to shove?
- I'm just gonna ramble
and not offer anything
at this point.
- [Joe] You know, I knew it
was a bad move to build a poker
room right next to the paint
mixing machine at Home Depot.
- [Chris] And goodbye jacks.
Laak shows him one.
- Ace-10 of spades, huh?
- [Joe] Ace-10 of
spades, close enough.
- [Voiceover] Maybe
he missed that hand.
- [Joe] Looks like we've got
Jessica Dawley on the rail.
I'll allow it.
- Can't put up,
like, they can't-
- [Joe] Who dat
in the seven hole?
Oh, it's Kyle Bowker.
That's who that is, oh.
Bowker from ShaNaNa?
- [Chris] Yes, exactly.
- [Joe] Back, now queens.
- And he misses, it
might be in that window.
- [Esther] She's learning
what not, exactly.
You've already learned
that, though, when I play.
- Tend to read up
right after this game-
- [Joe] He Matt, why bother
raising those lady kings,
you're just gonna fold them
on a high flop anyway, right?
- [Chris] Oh, now
that was a burn.
- [Jessica] Yeah,
I'm hoping not to-
- [Esther] You
better not blow it.
It's better that way.
- [Voiceover] So at this
point would you be a
proud soccer mom?
- [Chris] And here
comes the flop,
brought to you by Kimo Sabe.
Rainbow, eight high.
- [Joe] Real nice
flop for queens.
(chips clattering)
- [Jessica] I don't think
anything, and that's-
- [Voiceover] Do we
have another mic, too?
- [Joe] Salsberg bets his
queens, gets a call from Laak,
Shak out of the way.
(laughter)
- [Esther] No, Dentali
is Louis' boyfriend.
You have to sit
directly behind Louis.
(Matt laughing)
Don't worry about it.
- [Chris] Another
deuce on the turn.
- [Joe] Laak checks
to Salsberg again.
Phil's not supposed to have a
deuce, so Matt shouldn't have
much problem betting this again.
- [Voiceover] Put Mikey
in my lap, no problem.
I can handle it.
- [Esther] Actually, can you
just get on his shoulders
and play?
- [Voiceover] That'll work too.
- [Chris] Salsberg bets 550.
- [Joe] And this isn't a
super draw-heavy board.
- Your son has found
himself in a big pot.
- [Joe] So I wonder
what Phil thinks Matt's
double-barrelling with.
Matt can't love this king
but when Phil calls twice,
he's usually not going to have
a random king unless it's two
kings or king-eight.
- [Chris] Another
check from Laak.
- [Esther] Is it long?
- [Voiceover] No, it's two.
- [Esther] Umm-
- [Voiceover] But keep in mind
it's not gonna be that many
people up there.
- [Esther] Right.
- [Joe] Salsberg bets 1800
and Phil calls pretty light.
I guess if you're Matt, folding
that last flop, Phil might
think he was Steven
Seagal-ing it out for justice.
- [Chris] Just did not believe
him and Phil Laak was wrong.
- [Joe] A rare occurrence here
on Poker Night in America.
- [Voiceover] You should be
the proud soccer mom, here.
- Can't believe Matt
Salsberg's lady kings held up.
- In the next segment, we'll
see if that luck continues,
or if he gets
stuck in the Weeds.
(jazz trumpet)
- A puzzle for like, a T-shirt,
a T-shirt for a DVD of the
movie Rounders, and traded it
for DJ equipment, and another
piece of like,
lighting-type thing.
It was pretty cool.
- Welcome back to
Poker Night in America.
Time for the cash game.
- [Esther] Nice!
Lights!
- [Chris] Back at
Seminole Hard Rock,
here in Hollywood, Florida.
Pocket jacks again
for Matt Salsberg.
I'm sure at this point,
he'd rather have seven-deuce
and just be able to fold.
- [Esther] It's really
just, three-hunj.
Louis!
- [Jessica] Matt just
wakes up with it.
- [Esther] Why'd
he bet three-hunj?
The guy who bet
three-hunj is Louis.
- We're hoping we can
three-bet over here,
in case you're wondering.
- [Voiceover] I need to
separate out the pretenders
from the contenders.
- [Joe] And Shak is in.
Eight-seven, off-suit.
- What's Louis?
- [Matt Salsberg] That's me.
- [Matt Affleck] It's Matt and
Matt, so we just arbitrarily
chose, well, sorry, E-Tay
arbitrarily took it.
- No.
No.
I said, this is exactly-
- [Chris] Kyle Bowker calls
from the small blind with
ace-three of hearts.
- [Esther] I was
talking to Matt #1-
- [Jessica] Salty.
- [Chris] Mukul Pahuja,
queen-deuce, suited.
Sure, why not.
Get some decent odds.
- [Esther] And he said,
"Louis," so I said, "Louis,"
and it's been Louis ever since.
- [Chris] Bowker with
the nut flush draw.
- [Jessica] She knows not
what she means or speaks of.
- [Chris] Check, check.
Salsberg bets the jacks.
- [Joe] Shak's got
just a gut shot.
- [Esther] Trolling everybody
in the pot, by the way.
- [Joe] Uh, guys, Kyle Bowker's
trying to play some poker.
- [Ester] Seven?
- [Chris] Shak's
cards to the muck.
Over to Bowker.
He's got the nut flush draw
and a gut shot straight draw,
and he raises to 1,700.
- How much is that?
- [Kyle] 17.
- [Joe] Matt/Louis is in a very
similar situation to the one
he was in before.
He's got the over pair of the
board, but he's up against
the nut flush draw, and we know
that Bowker's got even more
outs than that.
(phone rings)
Ringers off, please.
Oh, that was Kyle's alarm.
I was kind of hoping that
it was mine and this job
was a dream.
- [Esther] Wow.
- [Joe] And the alarm
was rescuing me,
but nope, this is real life.
- 7:40.
Right when I check-raise Louis.
- [Chris] Yeah, it's happening.
Sorry, Stapes.
- [Joe] Salsberg does call.
Not folding jacks again.
Aw, man!
- [Chris] Oh, no.
- [Joe] Salsberg just
got raptored, hard.
That's when you get clawed
from the out you didn't even
know was there.
- [Chris] And it looks
so meaningless, too.
- [Joe] Clever girl.
- [Voiceover] I'll
deal with that.
- [Chris] Okay, how about 3,100?
- [Joe] I have no idea how
to advise Matt on this hand,
and I can see the whole cards.
Like, obviously I know
the move is to fold,
but I think I'd just go broke
here, assuming he's got a
flush draw and I try to
give him the wrong price.
But the price isn't wrong.
The price is right.
If Matt goes all in, he's gonna
lose both showcase showdowns
and he's gonna have to pay the
taxes on the year supply of
dog food that he won.
(chips clattering)
Folds jacks again, but this
time he was dead right.
A nice fold, salty.
- [Chris] So Salsberg's had
jacks twice, queen once,
and he's one for three.
- [Joe] Not only did he
have those three big hands,
but they were all over pairs
to the board and he still
couldn't win with
two (missing audio).
- [Voiceover] You missed
one, you missed a small.
- Matt, you missed one
$25 raise and whatever.
And Matt, if you, if
there's a two-seven there,
that's good for you, because
you just raised a bunch.
- [Matt Salsberg] Are we
playing to deuce-seven?
- Yeah, everyone
will pay you 200.
- [Matt Salsberg] 200?
- [Chris] Alright, deuce-seven
sounds like it's going
into play.
- [Joe] Went ahead with the
worst starting hand in hold 'em,
and everyone pays you $200.
- I'm like lifetime way out
of the deuce-seven game.
Both playing and bluffing.
I just-
- And defending.
Because you have to
defend against it, right?
- [Dan] Yeah, I'm just,
the last time I played,
I think I paid it
out like five times.
- [Joe] That's why
they do it, Dan.
- Hello!
- [Joe] And Salsberg, once
again, in a fairly dicey
over pair situation.
- [Dan] I paid it
out five times.
- [Joe] It is not likely to
be an over pair for long.
- [Chris] 300 was
the bet from Bowker.
A call from Salsberg.
A five on the turn.
- [Joe] So Bowker picks
up a straight draw.
Somehow eights are
still the best hand,
and Matt's hand is a blocker,
so Bowker should make
the straight this time.
- [Chris] Well here sits
Salsberg, once again, like,
"What am I gonna do?"
(Dan mumbling)
- [Joe] I actually
really like this raise.
- [Chris] Pumps it up to 2,300.
- [Joe] You're not likely to
run out all five undercards
to eights, so I like raising
here to protect your hand,
charge the draws.
- [Chris] And Bowker does call,
so this pot now approaching
6,000 as we go to the river.
Bring the noise, dealer.
- [Joe] Oh, man!
Salsberg has two eights,
but Bowker still hits one.
Salsberg runs worse than
all my Tinder dates' cars.
- [Kyle] All in.
- [Chris] Bowker's all in.
- [Joe] Man, what a terrible
spot for Matt Salsberg.
He's just gonna have the
best hand here so often.
- [Kyle] Nuts.
- So (bleeped) sick.
- [Joe] Sicker than the
monkey from 28 Days Later.
- Just so (bleeped) sickening.
- [Joe] Show everybody the hand,
get some sympathy at least.
- [Chris] We'll feel for you.
- [Joe] No, he didn't have it.
- Mean that that just
(bleeped) me in life.
(laughter)
- Kyle Bowker, making
more straights than
Vice President Pence.
- Stick around after the break
and we'll see what kind of
damage that did to Matt
Salsberg's chip stack.
- You just have to bartar your
way up from a paper clip,
see how high you can.
Some guy did it all the way
up to a house.
It went from the paper clip to
one of those light up pens, the
pens that have a laser.
And then a puzzle for a t-shirt,
a t-shirt for DVD of the movie
Rounders, I signed the DVD of
the movie Rounders and traded it
for DJ equipment and then
another piece of
DJ lighting thing.
Poker Night in America is
brought to you by our trusted
friend, Kimo Sabe Mezcal.
Why settle for tequila?
Step up to Kimo Sabe.
Alright, Matt Salsberg, I
think, is probably gonna take at
least a good 15 minutes of no
pokering for the next couple
of moments.
Here's who's down on Day Two.
Asher Conniff, our
condolences for your 25,000.
So that's who's losing.
Here's who's winning
at Seminole Hard Rock.
- [Joe] Red bad, green good.
Obey my dog.
- [Chris] Hello Dan Shak
with a $21,000 profit,
and Glynn Beebe who was a
great day at the table for him,
a whopping $375.
He's probably off to buy
a pair of designer jeans.
- Boom shakalaka.
I am definitely feeling for
Matt Salsberg right now.
I haven't seen a cooler that
sick since the once Chris puked
in when we were tailgating.
- Well, I love my
Appletinis, what can I say?
- And speaking of, next time
it's our annual Ladies' Night,
where our players prove you
don't need unsightly body hair
to be good at poker, but also
that you can totally have
unsightly body hair
if you choose to.
I'm not telling anyone
what to do, Kate Hall.
- For more from Poker Night
in America, visit us at
pokernight.com, or find us on
Facebook, Twitter, YouTube,
and Twitch for up to date
information, full episodes, and
unedited live streams.
For the human embarrassment,
Joe Stapleton,
I'm Chris Hanson.
We'll see you next time
on Poker Night in America.
- You think I'm human?
- I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to say that.
- I mean, did that just
(bleeped) me in real life?
River tops at it 'cause he
draws a gutter going fishing?
- I had two gutters.
Like it?
- Mmm.
You are disgusting.
