I look to the side of him,
and Al Roker appears,
and he's like,
giving the weather.
Hi, my name
is Sydney Washington,
and this is the story
of the first
and the last time I did shrooms.
It was a hot summer day.
I'm in this room
with my roommate at the time,
TV's super boring,
it was just regular reality TV,
and we're like, "Man, we've got
to find something to do."
He's like,
"Hey, I have mushrooms."
And I've never done mushrooms
before, and I'm like,
"I don't know. Should I really
be interested in this?"
But I've done cat tranquilizer
before, so it's fine.
He gives me the mushrooms
and he's like,
"Don't take a lot,
just take a little
since this is your first time."
But I'm a G. I'm a grown woman.
I'm like, "No, no.
Don't give me the kid's menu.
Give me the adult
sized mushrooms
that I'm supposed to be taking."
He's like, "Okay."
So the mushrooms
are inside of me
and I'm talking
to my roommate,
and my roommate
is always late with the rent,
and for some reason
I was like,
"Let's talk about this
right now.
Let's get it out in the open."
He's like, "Listen,
I'm always late with the rent
because I'm low-key unemployed,
so most of the times
I'm giving you whatever I can."
And something in my heart
was like,
"Damn, he's really doing bad.
Why am I giving him
such a hard time?"
And all of a sudden,
I looked to the side of him,
and the walls look like
they're melting,
and Al Roker appears, and he's
like giving the weather.
And I was like,
"Is Al Roker the weatherman?
I thought he talked about news
and current events."
So I'm tripping at Al,
and all of a sudden,
I give him a high five
because I'm like,
"He's Al Roker. He's legendary.
I have to respect
because he's been a friend
of the family for years."
That's not true,
but I just felt like that
when I was on mushrooms.
So this huge fan that's got
lint all over it is spinning,
and the walls are melting,
and I look into the fan,
and the fan turns into
some kind of monster.
Some big-mouthed monster
with weird dog ears and no eyes,
and I'm freaking out
because I was like,
"The fan needs eyes."
And I'm telling
my roommate that.
I'm like,
"The fan doesn't have eyes
and I'm really upset,
it's really scaring me."
So then, he takes his hand
and touched the fan
and puts two eyes on the fan,
so I'm going nuts
because I was like,
"Wait, where did he get
those eyes from?
You can't pay the rent,
but you have money for eyes?"
So I look at the fan,
and something in the fan
reminds me of my ex,
because my ex is just spewing
out dust and has dog ears,
so I'm getting into it.
My roommate is looking at me
like, "Oh, she's tripping."
Because he's done
mushrooms before,
so he's laughing, he's not
making a big deal of it,
but I'm like,
in another world.
Then I look at the TV,
the TV is still on.
The TV looks like it has
a big hole in it and I'm like,
"I just bought that TV.
Where did this hole come from?"
So then my roommate
is all into this trip,
so he's like, "Let's call
the place. Let's call Best Buy."
So I'm freaked out,
I'm tripping on mushrooms,
I call Best Buy up.
I'm like, "Best Buy,
I have a hole in my TV.
I just bought it,
I don't have the receipt,
but I'm bringing it now."
So I unplug the TV, I'm like,
"We're going to Best Buy."
And he's like, "All right.
You're tripping.
You're for real,
for real tripping,
and we're not going anywhere.
You have to stay in the room."
So he closes the door and locks
the door, and I'm like,
"Oh my God, my roommate
is keeping me hostage."
And it's hot.
I'm sweating, I had makeup on,
my eyebrows are melting
off of my face,
my hair is falling out,
my face is falling off,
my ex-boyfriend is telling me
that my feet smell.
It's just a lot going on
with these mushrooms,
and I was like,
"Cat tranquilizer
has never done this to me.
I'm just sticking to K,
that's it."
So I go in my closet.
I'm in my closet that's a mess.
You know I didn't put anything
on a hanger, like,
the hangers, my clothes
are on the hangers,
but halfway on, so then
I'm looking at the hanger,
and the hanger turns
into a liger.
I don't know if that's ...
is that a real thing?
At the time, I was like,
"That's a liger.
That's a tiger
and a lion, liger."
Is that a liger? A lion-tiger.
That's what it is.
So my clothes are halfway
on the hanger
and it starts caressing me,
and I'm like,
"Oh, I feel safe here.
This is where I need to be."
So I just stay in the closet
and I lock myself in the closet
for a good hour and a half.
And I come out of the closet
and he's like, "Are you good?"
I was like, "I don't know."
But somehow he starts
talking to me
about how he doesn't have money,
and I'm like, "Oh,
you know what? I understand.
You don't have to pay me rent
for a whole month."
So somehow
I get out of mushrooms,
and I'm in the hole
like $800
because I have to keep my word,
he doesn't have to pay rent.
I'm freaked out,
I've been in the closet
for an hour and a half
and I'm still hot.
So that was the first and last
time I've ever done mushrooms.
Tales from the trip.
