You want a Dorito?
>> I can't eat none of that.
But no,
I feel like your farts are gonna be hot.
I feel like your breath gonna be hot,
farts gonna be hot, butthole on 10.
That sounds like a new Drake album,
like woah.
[LAUGH] Butthole on 10.
>> What up, it's Fat Tony and
you're watching Thrift Haul, a competitive
fashion show where two contestants compete
to see who can style the best on a budget.
First of all, I wanna thank y'all for
watching and coming up with today's theme,
Desperate Twitch Streamer.
We're gonna see which one of our
contestants can dress like the best
gamer who plays Fortnite for a living.
First up is contestant number one,
Billie Eilish.
>> What's good.
>> Contestant number two, musician Cuco.
Billie, can you tell us
what you're wearing, today?
>> Some thots on my leg.
Thots on my back.
>> Damn yeah.
I'm loving those baddies on your clothes,
you know?
>> I know.
>> Girls like
that you never see on Twitch.
Cuco, could you tell us
what's on your chest?
>> This is a shirt designed by
my homie, Par.
I don't think he made the planet,
but it's a fire shirt and
on the back it has some writing.
>> In your world.
Okay.
Just like Twitch we're
going global with this [BLEEP].
>> That was good.
Our contestants will go head to head for
three rounds.
Physical challenge.
Competitive shopping spree.
And finally a fashion show.
Guest judge comedian
Solomon Georgio will come in and
help us figure this whole thing out.
Now a Twitch streamer.
Could be a lurker in the comments
plugging their channel.
A controversial Twitch thot.
A kid says the n word online to be edgy.
How would you describe a Twitch streamer?
>> Usually an adult man,
definitely sitting in a gaming chair,
always unemployed, and
couldn't find a way to bring
anyone to his parent's basement.
So he brought his parent's basement to us.
>> Okay.
[LAUGH] But that's not all.
The winner gets to choose an outfit for
the loser to wear,
post to their Instagram,
which can never be deleted and
they gotta wear it on their
very own Twitch stream.
It's [BLEEP] up, I know.
>> Hold up, you got an outfit on too.
What are you wearing here?
>> Yes,
I do have on the late Richard Pryor,
who existed before Twitch.
But if he was here today, he'd probably be
very popular and controversial on Twitch.
Most likely talking about [BLEEP].
>> [LAUGH]
>> Cocaine and [BLEEP].
>> [LAUGH]
>> I like how it's one
[BLEEP].
>> Yeah.
[LAUGH]
>> So
is there any strategy on
what kind of streamer look
you're trying to pull off?
>> Definitely the Twitch
thot.
>> I'm the old naked dude on like Omegle
that leaves his computer streaming for
hours and hours after.
And you see some stuff you don't need
to see.
>> Wow.
>> Uncensored, I like it.
>> You each start your shopping spree with
two minutes on the clock,
but if you want more time,
you get to compete in
the physical challenge.
You down for it?
>> Hell, yeah.
>> Sure, yeah.
>> Let's get this competition popping.
First up, the physical challenge.
Ya'll playing a scary game.
Some scary [BLEEP] shit
just jumped out at you.
>> Let me hear your best scream.
First up, Coco.
>> I'm up first.
>> That's right.
You're ready?
>> My God, dude.
>> Let me hear you
scream.
>> Ha.
>> I'm convinced.
You're playing a scary game.
The scariest thing you've ever seen in
your entire life has hopped out at you.
Let me hear you scream.
>> [BLEEP].
>> These are some chill,
chill human beings.
>> Solomon, if you had to pick,
who actually seemed the most frightened?
>> I didn't enjoy the [BLEEP], but
the [SOUND], that's my winner.
[SOUND]
>> Cuco,
you get 30 seconds added to your clock for
our shopping spree.
Since you've won this first round,
you get to pick,
do you wanna hit the floor first and
shop, or
do you wanna send Billie out there first?
>> Let's send Billie
out bro.
>> Bro.
>> Round two shopping spree.
[SOUND]
>> I'm supposed to look like a guy who
basically has not showered,
my God, since his birth, right?
So maybe a fedora, you feel me?
And I want to find a shirt that
says something like super,
like sleep is for
the weak, or I don't know.
But I'mma do that, and
then I'm gonna just go outside for
like a minute, and then I'll have sweat
stains cuz it's [BLEEP] hot outside.
And then I'll be Gucci.
[BLEEP] you Cuco, I'mma win.
Hey dad.
>> Hey.
>> Billie is up first.
Keep in mind,
you've got to adhere to the theme.
We're judging you on your creativity and
your overall look as well.
Billie, you ready?
>> I'm ready.
>> You've got two minutes on your clock.
>> Ready, set, go.
>> Already going with a little hustle.
>> You've gotta respect the hustle.
>> [LAUGH]
>> I've gotta look sloppy, right?
I've gotta look a little bit musky.
>> Cuko,
what do you think about what
Billie's gonna do out here?
Do you have faith in her?
You think she's gonna kill it or what?
>> I'm scared, dude.
I feel like she has
a good enough eye to be able to-
>> Yeah.
>> To obliterate me.
>> Gonna get some oversized shorts.
Ones that everybody's uncle would wear,
like bow.
>> 1 minute, 30 seconds.
>> Bro, wait.
>> There it is.
>> Okay, she gotta tank top,
that's gonna be good for the basement.
>> Yeah.
>> Elevators are for wimps.
>> Solomon, you ever been a gamer?
>> I used to, then I gave it up.
I upset my brothers because I would
play Final Fantasy VIII 70 hours a day.
I found away to make
more time during the day.
>> Great game, great game.
>> 30 seconds left, Billie.
[MUSIC]
>> I have brothers so we had to share our
system and if you play an RPG you ruin
everyone's day [LAUGH].
>> You see my head right now?
I'm God.
>> Five, four, three, two, one.
>> [LAUGH]
>> Welcome back.
>> Thank you.
I'm here.
>> right, so we got OMG Santa.
Santa's coming.
I know him.
That's a quote.
If you don't know what this movie is,
jump out a window.
>> That's a good shirt.
>> This is my other choice.
And I just feel like this
with some sweat stains
>> And some spilled Mount Dew.
>> Yeah, but
I also had to add some sort of worseness,
so I had to add the vest to it.
>> A show vest.
>> I could have made it match, but
that wouldn't happen.
And then, cargo shorts.
>> She even got the baggy cargos.
>> A gamer would wear off-khaki of course.
>> The off-whites, the cream.
And then the fedora.
>> Damn!
>> Everything necessary to
be a Maxinista is right there.
>> This was on the floor and
it looks like someone [BLEEP] on it.
You know what?
I hope they did.
>> [LAUGH]
>> Are you like doubling them up?
>> Yes, so there you have it.
>> [APPLAUSE]
>> Thank you.
I'm about to get lice.
>> How you feeling Cuco?
>> I just don't think [INAUDIBLE].
Have faith in yourself.
>> I'm sorry I let you guys down.
>> You ain't even gone yet.
>> Come on.
>> You got this.
>> We believe in you.
Just have faith.
>> [LAUGH] You got this.
>> All right, hey man,
I'm doing this for Mexico.
>> All right!
>> Let's go.
>> Hey, real talk,
I gotta be the best Twitch streamer.
I'm currently unemployed.
I got six children to feed.
Man, I gotta make money.
Like I said, I'm a little thotty you know?
>> Cuco's up next, two minutes 30 seconds.
You ready, boy?
>> I think, yeah pretty sure.
>> [LAUGH]
>> Okay.
>> Hey man, I don't know if I'm gonna win
or not, but
I'm excited to take a [BLEEP] after this.
>> Good luck, Cuco.
Three, two, one, go!
>> I don't even need need a cart right
here, bro,
I'm going to start off right here.
All right, we Cuco making effective
use of his extra 30 seconds.
He's taking it slow.
He's got a big-ass hoodie, I like it.
>> That's even bigger.
Man.
>> He got a sweater that matched his hat.
>> No dude.
>> I know you ain't [BLEEP] with us.
>> No, this is Tony Hawk, dude.
You got the Tony Hawk bullet shorts, okay?
>> He's not as
confident as you looked Billie.
>> Every Twitch streamer gotta have some
headphones.
And he got them on.
He flossing.
He's showing off.
>> Look like Frank Ocean.
>> What pictures of Frank Ocean did
you see?
>> I'm Frank Rivers.
>> Woah.
>> You got one minute and
20 seconds left on your clock.
>> New shoes.
That's exciting.
Black t-shirts can never go wrong.
>> Are you
worried at all, Haley?
>> I've just gotta stay positive, so I'm
not gonna tell you if I'm worried or not.
>> Yeah, yeah,
yeah, keep that [BLEEP] to yourself.
Hold up, I see some snacks.
>> 15 seconds left.
>> Wow.
>> Pajama pants.
>> Last minute pull, too.
>> Five, four, three
>> Two, one!
>> [SOUND]
>> Wow!
>> I got lucky, found some headphones.
>> Are those quality?
>> I don't know, dude, but they're big,
I think big means quality, you know?
>> [LAUGH]
>> I got some chips.
>> A party pack.
>> Honestly, like.
It's just the Doritos that really matter.
And they all go in my backpack, which
I have next to me when I'm streaming.
>> So you just keep chips in there?
>> Yeah, like not even the bag's in there.
Just like pour chips in here.
Yeah, I got some pajamas.
>> Wow.
He comfortable.
>> He don't gotta go nowhere.
>> I got this shirt and spray paint hat.
>> Real California boy, I like that.
>> I got the deer phone.
>> Got the house shoes.
>> Got the kicks.
And I got two sweaters,
the one I actually wear and
the one that goes around my waist.
>> [LAUGH]
>> Woah.
>> Same time?
>> Yeah, unless I wanna wear this big
ass sweater.
But this is the real haul dude.
This is like some Tony Hawk shorts.
>> I had to put myself back
in middle school.
For this.
>> Solomon, your thoughts on Cuco's haul?
>> I'm excited.
It looks like the person is
gonna go somewhere one day, but
they're not gonna do that ever.
>> He's got all the essential gamer needs.
He's got the snacks.
He's got the pajamas.
He's got the house shoes.
Super comfy guy.
>> It feels like you can
just take a nap in every aspect.
>> That'd be a stank nap.
>> Billie, your competition Cuco,
what do you think about his haul?
>> I've gotta say I was a little
bit impressed.
>> Do you want
a Dorito?
>> Just one?
>> Like a Dorito, not like a bag.
>> Yeah, aiight.
>> Take one, a Dorito.
>> What the?
>> You don't like cool ranch?
>> I can't eat none of that.
>> I'll eat one, I'll eat one,
bro.
>> Well
cheers.
>> [LAUGH]
>> I'm gonna eat it.
>> Thank you Cuco.
>> Yeah, dude.
>> Let's take it to round 3,
the fashion show.
First up we got Cuco, where you at?
Hit the runway.
>> What's up baby?
>> Yes!
>> Yeah, if that ain't a Twitch streamer
I don't know what is.
[MUSIC]
He's definitely doing too
much while doing too little.
>> Can you tell us anything about your
outfit?
>> Well, I just got divorced,
my kids hate me, found out about
Fortnite two weeks ago, so.
>> And are you fully in it?
He's got the hat straight
off of Venice Beach.
Beats.
He got the off-brand JanSport backpack.
I like that a lot.
I love the Doritos, opened, half eaten.
>> You got the bag of chips in there?
>> Yeah the backpack, dude.
>> It just says Sports in the back,
doesn't it?
>> It even has the JanSports font, so
they know, yes, we ripped them off.
>> It's for sure not stylish.
Which is even better.
The harder he tries not to look good,
the better the outfit is.
>> No style is the style of
the Twitch streamer, am I correct?
>> Exactly.
>> So I noticed
you got the Bad Boy Records' Can't Stop,
Won't Stop the Movie promo T-shirt.
>> I had to get a shirt that shows my
belly.
>> Shows you're really snacking.
>> Just a little bit.
It's a black shirt.
It hides it.
>> Yeah.
>> Have you seen the movie?
>> No I haven't.
>> That's exactly the right answer.
>> Have you heard of the movie?
>> A little bit.
>> Also the right answer.
That's what a streamer would do.
Wear a shirt that he doesn't
know anything about.
>> Cuco thank you so much.
>> Good luck, good luck, good luck.
>> Billie,
to the floor.
>> Wow.
Now, major gamer outfit right here.
>> I had to choose between the two hats,
between two shirts.
And I was thinking, you know, this is kind
of like a maybe Christmas morning stream.
>> Your family's coming over so
you have to dress up a little.
>> They'll see you for a second,
you're gonna pop downstairs.
>> This is a gamer still trying to holler,
that's a desperate gamer move.
>> You look like half homeschooler,
half theater kid, half gamer,
half GameStop employee.
It's a myriad of losers and
that's the great thing about it.
Everything about this screams,
I've not left the house.
Maybe a year, maybe two years.
But now I'm looking to stunt on
some people, and it's great.
>> Big ass cargo
shorts!
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah, bro.
>> You don't need a backpack cuz there's
so many pockets to put things in.
>> I had to leave the fly unzipped.
Of course.
Question, what would you
keep in those cargo shorts?
>> The empty water bottle
that I'm just gonna refill with soda.
>> Or if you go to the bathroom and
don't need to leave.
>> [SOUND]
>> Pee in the cup.
Real gamer [BLEEP] right there.
>> And with the fly unzipped,
you'd go.
>> Wow.
>> I was gonna say toothbrush, but
I don't think I would need a toothbrush.
>> No, who's smelling your breath?
>> [LAUGH]
>> Yeah, the internet can't smell by
breath, so I'm good.
Do you like the stain, I like the stain.
>> Real gamer [BLEEP], you got a stain.
>> Yeah.
>> Thank you Billie.
[APPLAUSE] What do you think, Cuco,
Billie, who's more the Twitch streamer?
Keep in mind, we're judging on their
creativity, their overall look, and
adherence to the theme.
Both of them definitely
committed to the theme.
But they both came at it different ways.
>> True.
>> Cuco did it with more like this outfit
is the outfit I'll die in.
And you'll have to peel it off my body.
However, Billie came down with this
dreamer trying to be the freshest for
their users, really trying really hard,
getting none of it right.
Cuco could have probably thrown
another sweatshirt on there.
>> Just as a little extra comfort.
He really came through
with the headphones.
And it had the noise
cancellation feature on it.
He's cutting out all the bull [BLEEP].
He's only hearing the game.
>> For Billie, I was like,
you know if she had that chain wallet-
>> Chain wallet.
That was missing.
It would've matched the fedora.
>> Yes it would.
His was more gamer,
while she came in as more of a streamer,
as in she's trying to for sure pull
off the I'm about to present myself to
the world look.
>> And
you know her's was more
of a universal look.
It could have been gamer, it could
have been, like we said, theater kid.
>> Yeah
>> It's a bunch of losers all wrapped into
one.
>> This is tough.
>> Let's bring the contestants out here.
>> All right Cuco, Billie,
can we get you to the floor?
First of all, Billie,
you did the damn thing.
You look great, you really fit
the theme that we're going for.
Cuco, you came over the top with it,
I love it.
The headphones, the Doritos,
you really, really,
really stuck to the Twitch streamer theme.
Me and Solomon talked it over.
Unfortunately, there can only
be one winner and one loser.
After really giving this
our deepest consideration.
We have to announce the winner.
Billie Eilish.
>> For real?
>> Yeah.
>> My.
>> Hey girl.
>> Ooohoohoo.
>> Billie Eilish,
as the winner of today's Thrift Haul,
I need you to pick out an outfit for
the loser Cuco to wear which he'll post on
his Instagram and wear on a Twitch stream.
>> I got total control over you now,
[BLEEP] boy!
>> Yep.
I have this boy's loser outfit.
>> No.
As far as I'm concerned, I won, you know.
>> 100% I feel like he deserved to win.
He nailed exactly what it was.
>> Big shout-out to Billie, Cuco,
and Solomon for rocking with us today.
What should the next episode be about?
A) Dad went to Coachella.
B) Hot professor.
C) Frat boy at emo night, or
D, just got out of jail BBQ?
[SOUND]
