Welcome to going low in CS:GO.
Sucking on purpose got boring for me in season 2, so now I'm playing as best as I can!
With certain limitations.
Last week I used just a knife.
Thanks to a strong, understanding, wonderful team, we still managed to draw the match.
And I got a fair few kills.
Now, if you've watched the previous episode, you're probably expecting a video of us playing with CZ-75s.
I have some good news, and some bad news.
The bad news is, I accidentally deleted about 90% of the footage that I had with this match
and will not be able to base an episode around it.
Here, have the wonder clip from it, where I was forced to use a knife when controlling a bot
since it didn't buy a CZ-75 at the beginning of the round.
The good news is, the rest of the match was predictable and dull so you're not missing out on much.
I dropped down to gold 3 because of it, which nicely leads onto the main match for this episode.
And best of all, for once it's not Dust 2, but Vertigo, a towering monster of a map.
A map made in heaven.
A level that others look up to.
How can you hate a map that transform  the players into lemmings?
You can't!
Time to put on a show that the other team wouldn't forget in a hurry.
The first round began and three of us hurled ourselves into oblivion.
The rest of our team seems somewhat confused.
As did the enemies.
Ouch.
One round down already.
For the record, four of us are part of the same team.
That leaves one poor guy who's stuck on our team of weirdos.
Hey, we don't exactly want to blow up a skyscraper.
The poor guy begged for mercy and we gave it to him.
He left the server for greener, saner pasture.
But we remain.
And suddenly, it got very quiet on the server.
Baalthazaarr once again refuse to be part of the group and headed off to play properly.
Oh wait, no he didn't.
He hid in the toilet.
The coward.
You've got to reevaluate your life when a Friday evening consist of deliberately losing on a computer game,
then watching a friend lurk in the toilet for 2 minutes.
But then again, I've known worse.
At that point, I should've realized how much potential those toilets had!
But no, spawnkilling ourselves still felt more appealing this early on in the game.
Baalthazaarr finally succumbed to the lure of the fall after almost being knifed for a second time.
He put up a pretty good defense, but let's face it, the odds were against him.
The CTs could only look down at the street below and wonder who's going to clean this mess up
But this guy on the right, Jimmy,
began thinking deeply.
He wondered why man had such a fascination with height.
About building bigger and taller structures, about climbing from the lowest dungeon to the highest peak,
before flinging himself and others off of the top.
He thought that it would make for a great Counter-Strike map.
Perhaps there could be a minigame where players had to climb something tall?
Unfortunately for him, it had already been done. By me!
With my FY Island domination map.
It was made back in the days of Dissolution, and before I started posting tutorials on Youtube.
It was inspired by that OLYNEWLIVE map for Unreal Tournament that I spouted endlessly about in season 2's finale.
It was kind of like Battlefield, where players would choose their profession, and would spawn with various weapon types,
before trying to take over nodes on the map that they could then spawn from in the future.
It was amazing in deathmatch mode, there was a working tank that mucked up all the time,
moving bridges, beautiful views, but nobody cared about that.
All people cared about was that mountain, and how they could climb it.
Screw my attempts at crafting a brand new game mode, I'm not bitter about it.
Or am I?
Anyway, that mountain. It doesn't look like much from far away, but the views from the top were great.
Here I am, climbing up that secret path around the back of the mountain.
You had to jump over some gaps, over a physics bridge, avoid the rock fall, slightly further up and you'll be rewarded with an amazing view,
and AWP at the top, making you master of the map.
It taught me a great deal about mapping, and I saw the massive potential for a gamemode that worked in this checkpoint deathmatch style format.
Sadly, I never made another map in this style and it faded into obscurity,
but that didn't stop me from taking numerous friends at this mountain over the years.
I think at one point, I even showed it to a woman.
I'm such a romantic.
But yeah, just one of the many strange and overly ambitious thing that I worked on over the years that didn't improve into anything.
That's not to say that all of my maps were like that.
In fact, there was one map that created a new gamemode type,
and was played by hundreds, if not thousands of players.
But I'll think I'll leave that for next week.
Anyway, back to the real world.
Or at least, back to this game of Vertigo.
We killed ourselves for a couple more rounds, and Baalthazaarr made it really dull by playing properly,
Obviously displeased by our childish antics.
I was always told that I would grow out of childish things, but just like farts and jokes about YOUR MUM,
they simply get better with age.
But like your mum.
We did this for a couple of rounds before becoming a bit more creative.
Why not let the bot have a go at winning?
We all killed ourselves and left our fate in the hands of Fred the Fearless Defenestrator.
Hmmm. Maybe he'll stand a chance once we reach silver 1.
And now I proudly present to you:
3 men,
1  k̶l̶i̶k̶s̶ toilet.
It's messy.
*sigh* Gordon Freeman, what is it with you and hazardous waste?
And now I even more proudly present to you:
The logical sequel: 4 men, 2(kliksphilip) toilet.
Once again, Baalthazaarr ruined it ALL by 
not making it 5 men 1 toilet,
and he ended up duelling the last guy face to face.
Yeah! No ruining our perfect losing streak this game!
This is ensured by this:
Time for a new strategy.
Unfortunately, Gordon Freeman was kicked and banned for friendly fire from this little display,
leaving just jfcc, Baalthazaarr and myself against the world.
The rounds went on and the bodies continued to rain from the sky.
Even Baaltazaarr, trying his best to survive, contributed to the mess that is piling up on the streets.
By round 14, he turned completely.
Probably just because he wants to get this ordeal over and done with.
By the final round of the first half we had all united to ensure a quick loss and the CT's helped anyway they could.
And then the first and final round of the second half began.
What would we do?
Would we play to win?
Would we camp in the toilets?
Would we come up with something imaginative and new?
Nope. We all jumped off the side in different spots.
Causing more terror than the terrorist team could manage.
Apart from Baalthazaar. He screwed it all up and died in the first firefight he encountered.
And that was it. We all admired our scores and jfcc was excited to have got an item.
We have had an entertaining game, and the baddies had gotten their points.
Everyone benefited,
apart from BBR 1Up, who's currently enjoying a cooldown period from having been kicked from a match.
lol.
In the next episode,
well, it depends on losing everything again.
But hopefully, this sound will strike fear into the heart of our foes!
Find out next time.
